Nov. 14, 2024 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:28:35
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
|
unidentified
|
The Joe Rogan Experience. | |
| Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day. | ||
| I used to have a dog that had terrible... | ||
| I mean, I'm always traveling, and also, like, I'm not real good with discipline of, like, someone else, you know? | ||
| Like, I don't know how to train a dog. | ||
| So I'd just let him do anything. | ||
| So I think it was hilarious. | ||
| He'd be, like, chewing on something, like, check that out. | ||
| They're like, he shouldn't do that. | ||
| I was like, eh, fuck it, let him... | ||
| Like, I just liked the idea that he was wild. | ||
| It made me happy. | ||
| It's very bad, though, if your dog bites somebody. | ||
| Oh, he's always just humping stuff and eating things. | ||
| He was a Ridgeback. | ||
| Oh, a Rhodesian Ridgeback? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Oh. | ||
| But in my mind, I'm like, well, why do I want to rain tyranny on this dog and be like, he needs to sit. | ||
| I kind of liked that he was this little psycho that would hump things. | ||
| That's fun, but you've got to be able to control them. | ||
| Yeah, I know. | ||
| I couldn't. | ||
| How old were you back then? | ||
| I was young, like 31 or something at the time. | ||
| It was like young... | ||
| It's not that young. | ||
| You're young to me, dude. | ||
| I didn't become an adult for a while. | ||
| For like six months ago. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah. | |
| Well, about four years, I think, was mine. | ||
| No, but that dog, I would open the door, he would just dart. | ||
| And I was like, yeah, this dog is unhinged. | ||
| I let him wolf. | ||
| You liked it. | ||
| Yeah, I liked it. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Yeah, I've had some crazy dogs, but it's like, you gotta train them. | ||
| I know. | ||
| They have to listen to you. | ||
| I had a lot of pit bulls when I was younger. | ||
| Oh, nice. | ||
| They have to listen. | ||
| You look like a pit bull. | ||
| They have to have a sense that you're the boss. | ||
| You have to be kind and sweet and you love them. | ||
| But you're the boss. | ||
| Like, you have to train them. | ||
| I trained my dog diligently. | ||
| It's like, treat, sit, stay, line up, make him stay for five minutes, and then give him a big treat, and hug him and kiss him. | ||
| You gotta, like, make sure they fucking listen. | ||
| Well, that was the problem. | ||
| Is that I would literally, like, he would be doing something, and I'd be like, he doesn't respect me. | ||
| That's as simple as it was. | ||
| He saw me as a cool guy. | ||
| He didn't respect me. | ||
| He was your friend. | ||
| So I would leave him with his dog trainer in Sherman Oaks, and the dog trainer would send me videos, and he'd be like, look. | ||
| And I would think, look at me. | ||
| My money's going to good. | ||
| Look at what my dog's doing. | ||
| He's doing a little turn. | ||
| But it's because he respected that guy. | ||
| And so then he would come back to my house. | ||
| He'd just piss on the couch while he's laying there. | ||
| And I'm going, wait, what was all that stuff he learned? | ||
| And he goes, my dog's looking at me going, not for you. | ||
| Yeah, you're my friend. | ||
| Yeah, you're the cool guy. | ||
| You're my fucking roommate, bro. | ||
| We were buds. | ||
| We're both dogs. | ||
| Which is a metaphor for my life, too. | ||
| Like, I was the fun piss on the couch guy. | ||
| But at some point, you got to grow up and be disciplined. | ||
| You really do. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you don't have as much fun, but the fun that you have, you appreciate. | ||
| Oh, for sure. | ||
| Yeah, because it's like, it's not out of control. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| My dog that I have now is the first dog that I've ever had that was so easy to train, it's like I didn't even train him. | ||
| And it's a Golden? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Aren't they kind of dumb? | ||
| No, my dog's very smart. | ||
| What's the dumb breed? | ||
| They're just sweet. | ||
| They're sweet so people think they're dumb, but he understands words. | ||
| Like, I'll say, not that door, dude. | ||
| Let's go in the side door. | ||
| And he turns around and goes towards the side door. | ||
| Nice. | ||
| Like, he gets it. | ||
| Like, he's a fucking smart dog, but training him is like that. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| First of all... | ||
| Goldens have no resistance. | ||
| They don't want to fight. | ||
| They never growl at people. | ||
| If they bark, if they see something weird, they never bark at people. | ||
| They're just the sweetest dog. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I love that. | |
| So they just want you to be their friend. | ||
| So I teach them to sit. | ||
| It was real easy. | ||
| It was like, sit. | ||
| I push his butt down. | ||
| And then I'd give him a little treat. | ||
| And then I'd say, sit. | ||
| And he'd just sit down. | ||
| Love it. | ||
| And I'd give him a treat. | ||
| And then next day, it was like, sit. | ||
| He sat. | ||
| Pat him on the head. | ||
| Give him a kiss. | ||
| Now he just listens. | ||
| Which is also the metaphor for humans. | ||
| We like to have a little approval. | ||
| It's less of the treat and the pat on the head. | ||
| I made dad happy. | ||
| Yeah, they're the most like people, those dogs. | ||
| They're the most like people. | ||
| What's the dumb breed? | ||
| Because I don't want to keep doing this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, there's a lot of dumb breeds. | |
| Sometimes I'll see like a Dalmatian and then I'll ask that one. | ||
| Poor little Carl. | ||
| Carl's not the brightest. | ||
| But his brain's the size of my thumb. | ||
| It doesn't have a big head. | ||
| They're cute though, that's the thing. | ||
| I fucking love the shit out of that dog. | ||
| He's so jacked, too. | ||
| Look how jacked is. | ||
| His little muscles. | ||
| He's in constant shape. | ||
| Well, him and Marshall go to war. | ||
| When Marshall's here, Carl gets so tired from playing with my dog, because my dog doesn't fight back, so he just totally takes advantage of it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I love it. | |
| Just throws himself at him like a torpedo. | ||
| But when it's over, he can't breathe. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's like... | |
| Oh, yeah, yeah, because he was bred to not wrestle. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's got no nose. | |
| He's got no fucking nasal cavity. | ||
| It is a weird dog. | ||
| That used to be a wolf. | ||
| They look like aliens. | ||
| It's so fucking weird that humans turned a wolf into that fucking thing. | ||
| I think it's our best invention. | ||
| It's a pretty cool job. | ||
| I'm not saying it's an ethical thing or smart. | ||
| I mean, it's kind of like, you know, if you knew what you were doing to a wolf, it's kind of fucked up. | ||
| But it doesn't need to survive. | ||
| Yeah, he's got Jamie. | ||
| He's got us. | ||
| He's in the safest place in America right now. | ||
| Like when you see those ladies that carry him around in their little purses. | ||
| Got a dog carrying around with their purse. | ||
| That used to be a wolf. | ||
| That's wild. | ||
| They're trying to do that to us. | ||
| I know. | ||
| That's the problem. | ||
| Just keep your dogs. | ||
| Don't change me. | ||
| They want to do it to everybody. | ||
| If Kamala won, we would have been one step closer to poodles. | ||
| Every day I was getting closer. | ||
| That's why I'm single, too. | ||
| Just trying to hold on to any freedom I got. | ||
| You've got to find someone that you jive with that gets you. | ||
| That's what's hard. | ||
| People want to change people. | ||
| Girls look at guys, they look at some guys like a project. | ||
| Like, I know he doesn't want to settle down. | ||
| I know he doesn't want this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But if I could just get him to start changing the way he dresses. | |
| I know. | ||
| And then I get him to do things. | ||
| Open the car door for me like my hands don't work. | ||
| I know. | ||
| I'm still, I'm the Ridgeback we were just talking about. | ||
| Where I'm going, just let me be wild. | ||
| I'll spend like 24 hours with a woman and I just enjoy every second of it. | ||
| I enjoy every, like all the affection, the door opening. | ||
| I enjoy these kind of things, you know, taking care of someone, showing them how cool. | ||
| Do you open up the car door? | ||
| Yeah, I'll do that. | ||
| Yeah, I like that. | ||
| I'll show them my life. | ||
| You know, hey, these are my comedy buddies and watch me go kill on stage. | ||
| Oh, I got this. | ||
| I'll pay for everything. | ||
| And about like at a 24 hours of my brain, I'm like, I gotta get out of this. | ||
| Like, how do I reset? | ||
| Maybe you're overdosing. | ||
| Maybe it's like binge drinking. | ||
| Yeah, maybe. | ||
| You know, if you have a glass of wine with dinner, you don't feel like, oh, get that fucking wine away from me. | ||
| That is true. | ||
| But if you drink like Burt Kreischer, you drink fucking boxes of wine. | ||
| Burt would get on the treadmill and drink a box of wine on the treadmill. | ||
| Bert suffers from the same disease Patrice had. | ||
| He's so this one-of-a-kind person that everything he says and all the advice he tries to give don't work for anyone else because he's one of a kind. | ||
| So he'll say, here's what you gotta do, and you go, that doesn't apply to me. | ||
| Do you know what I'm saying? | ||
| We can't be on a treadmill drinking a box of wine and then go do a show for 200 grand. | ||
| We're different people. | ||
| He can keep going. | ||
| I've never seen anyone like him. | ||
| He's a freak athlete, believe it or not. | ||
| I believe that. | ||
| Tom Segura played him in a game of tennis, and Tom got a tennis coach. | ||
| They had this big tennis match. | ||
| They even did it on one of those Your Mom's House live screens. | ||
| They made a big deal out of it, a big tennis match. | ||
| Burt destroyed him. | ||
| Drunk, hungover, giant belly, serves like a pro. | ||
| He said he literally serves like a fucking Division I college player. | ||
| I didn't know that about him. | ||
| That's pretty impressive. | ||
| He goes, what the fuck? | ||
| He goes, his serve is insane. | ||
| That makes total sense. | ||
| I'm somewhat surprised by it. | ||
| Just got it. | ||
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| Dogs are amazing. | ||
| They're loyal. | ||
| They're lovable. | ||
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| Yeah, he just knows how to do... | ||
| He's also got this bizarre confidence that allows him to not have anxiety about trying new things. | ||
| Great for this business. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh yeah! | |
| Just dives in, takes his shirt off, woo! | ||
| Look at me! | ||
| He went on something where he was gone. | ||
| If someone tells you to quit drinking, don't stop drinking. | ||
| Tell them to shut up. | ||
| Drinking is the best thing. | ||
| I go, Jesus Christ. | ||
| You know how many alcoholics are hearing this right now, Bert? | ||
| Some people should quit. | ||
| Some people shouldn't. | ||
| I get what he was trying to do. | ||
| I get the point that he was trying to do. | ||
| Boom. | ||
| Oh, that was beautiful. | ||
| What is he doing there? | ||
| He hit it over the fence. | ||
| Yeah, but the form of that was beautiful. | ||
| What did he do there? | ||
| I think he aced him. | ||
| Oh, he did ace him. | ||
| Oh, Tom's flustered. | ||
| Yeah, he's really good. | ||
| Tom's just happy he didn't snap his leg here. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Boom! | |
| Yeah, look at that fucking serve! | ||
| Bro, it's got a curve to it, too. | ||
| Oh, that's great. | ||
| Also, Burt looks fit here. | ||
| Well, that's for him. | ||
| For him, he's fit. | ||
| You know, he loses weight. | ||
| He gets way down, and then he binges up again. | ||
| He gets crazy again. | ||
| He lost, like, 60 pounds and got real fit, didn't drink for, like, three months. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then he just goes crazy again. | ||
| Yeah, has a good time. | ||
| I love him, though. | ||
| But I was just saying, like, the advice thing. | ||
| Like, did you ever work with Patrice or know him good? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| One time I'm in New York. | ||
| This is the late, great Patrice O'Neal. | ||
| I'm going through a thing with a girl at the time. | ||
| And, you know, people ask you how you're doing, and if you're sad, I'm a pretty honest guy. | ||
| I just go, you know, my girlfriend's driving me crazy. | ||
| She's back at, you know, the apartment when I was in New York. | ||
| She's back. | ||
| It's just stressing me out. | ||
| I need to get on stage, have a good time, have some drinks. | ||
| I need to, like, just whatever. | ||
| He goes, here's what you do, man. | ||
| You're a good-looking guy. | ||
| And I was like, yeah. | ||
| I'm thinking I'm going to get advice from Patrice, you know, this will be great. | ||
| He goes, you're a good looking guy, man. | ||
| Bring another girl home. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right! | |
| Is that what he said? | ||
| He like goes, I've seen the way these girls look at you around there. | ||
| You find one of these bitches. | ||
| You have a good time. | ||
| Don't worry about what's back at the apartment. | ||
| Then when the time comes, bring her back. | ||
| Bring her back to your apartment and say, yo, this is me. | ||
| This is, you know, you got to deal with this shit. | ||
| And I was like... | ||
| Patrice, you're my hero. | ||
| I love ya. | ||
| Terrible advice! | ||
| Terrible advice. | ||
| You're gonna get me murdered. | ||
| You're gonna get murdered. | ||
| Also, that's just not the type of women I hang out with. | ||
| They're not gonna be fine with that. | ||
| Yeah, that's a very specific type of woman. | ||
| I couldn't believe it. | ||
| Who are already probably gonna murder you. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| Time's ticking on that, exactly. | ||
| I have a friend of mine that said that he was gonna talk my girlfriend into doing a threesome. | ||
| And I had the same exact feeling of someone saying to me, hey, I started making my own bombs. | ||
| Right, you go, don't do the interview. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| I'm going to die! | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| But I think that that's what you should think when you hear your heroes or Burt tell you anything. | ||
| Just know their lives are different than yours. | ||
| Yeah, there's some certain one-of-a-kind people that you just got to say, like, not everybody can do that. | ||
| Like, Burt went and got a liver screen and cancer. | ||
| He's fine. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's fine. | ||
| He can do it. | ||
| He's fine. | ||
| He is a machine. | ||
| He gets his health checked, and his health is fine. | ||
| He's 50 years old. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's still going hard. | ||
| How old is Burt now? | ||
| He's got to be deep into his 40s. | ||
| But Bert will be like, don't quit drinking! | ||
| Have a good time! | ||
| And then some guy's like, I'm hitting my wife again! | ||
| Dude, this booze is... | ||
| He was probably drunk when he said that. | ||
| He probably took some time off and then had a drink. | ||
| Started feeling good. | ||
| I want to tweet some advice. | ||
| Yeah, it was one of those things. | ||
| Because I love him. | ||
| And a lot of the comments were like, oh, another comedian not understanding another comedian. | ||
| I was like, no, it's not that. | ||
| I love Bert. | ||
| If you knew our relationship, you'd get it. | ||
| Where we're good. | ||
| I just want people to know, if you do have a problem, it's okay to quit. | ||
| Especially you, as a person who quit. | ||
| I was just saying, hey, this is a sensitive subject for some people. | ||
| It is! | ||
| Because, look, I have certain friends that have recovered from alcoholism, and this one buddy that I had that used to drink, he would drink, and then his eyes would glaze over like a shark's. | ||
| Like the pupils would be gone, and he wasn't there anymore. | ||
| Like, oh, Bob's gone. | ||
| Now this is fucking drunk Bob. | ||
| Drunk Bob, totally different human being. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, for sure. | |
| He would black out all the time, not remember things, like, you don't remember what you did? | ||
| Like, he didn't remember anything? | ||
| I was that guy. | ||
| I would be fun, fun, fun, until it wasn't fun. | ||
| Dude, I think it's a genetic thing. | ||
| I'm guessing, but I've never had that. | ||
| So I've gotta assume that it's a genetic thing. | ||
| I've gotten fucked up before. | ||
| I've gotten really drunk. | ||
| I've never, like, I need to get drunk. | ||
| I've never been like, I need to get drunk. | ||
| But I have friends that- I have one gear, dude. | ||
| So there's a thing, yeah. | ||
| One gear. | ||
| One gear. | ||
| If we're going to smoke weed, I smoke all the weed. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| If we're doing coke, you're going to Tijuana. | ||
| Right, yeah. | ||
| I become King Coke guy, you know? | ||
| Why do one Viagra when I can do six Viagras? | ||
| You know, like, I just don't have a... | ||
| And that's why also, like, it works to my benefit. | ||
| You know, the first time I said I'm going to do stand-up, I never stopped. | ||
| Like, I was up there. | ||
| I was obsessed. | ||
| Did you ever get hit in the head real hard? | ||
| Yeah, I played a lot of, like, sports growing up. | ||
| So, yeah, I got hit. | ||
| I've had two really serious concussions where I went to the hospital. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You think that's it? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Oh, interesting. | ||
| I had two big ones where I lost a week. | ||
| I mean, I'm not a psychologist or a psychiatrist, but I do know that that is one of the side effects of brain injury, is that you lose impulse control. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| Yeah, I've got no governor. | ||
| Which works good. | ||
| It works good for some things. | ||
| Like I said, when I'm hanging out with a girl, I'm the best boyfriend ever. | ||
| I'm king. | ||
| And then it's gotta be extremely not. | ||
| There's kind of these extremes. | ||
| Yeah, you gotta get to know someone. | ||
| If you're diving in with someone for 24 hours, 48 hours, and you just met them, the chances of you guys jiving perfectly are not that good. | ||
| Not even 50-50. | ||
| If you get lucky, you find the girl of your dreams, and then, hey, we've been together, we hung out together for two days in a row, and then, fuck, we were married six months later, and we live happily ever after. | ||
| That's real. | ||
| I've met people like that. | ||
| It can happen, but generally, first of all, when you meet someone, you're barely meeting them. | ||
| You're meeting the thing that they put on when they want someone to like them. | ||
| It's performative a little, for sure. | ||
| I always say to young guys, try to become the person you pretend to be when you're trying to get laid. | ||
| Wait, say it again? | ||
| Try to be... | ||
| Become the person that you're pretending to be when you're trying to get laid. | ||
| I like that. | ||
| Just be that person, and you never have to pretend. | ||
| I love that. | ||
| I believe that outside of the idea of relationships. | ||
| So, like, I always say, like, and I probably heard this somewhere, read it somewhere, but, like, the idea of, like, you can be like your heroes. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| What do you like about the person you say you like? | ||
| Right. | ||
| They're kind. | ||
| Okay, so just be kind. | ||
| That's what people like. | ||
| Or, oh, I like that guy because he's down to earth. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| So then you should try to be down to earth. | ||
| You should be like the people. | ||
| And you can also have antiheroes. | ||
| Me and my parents have a very tumultuous relationship. | ||
| And so that's a positive for me because I'm going, I don't want to be like that. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Or that quality that I don't want to be like. | ||
| For me, it was always lazy people. | ||
| I had a severe disdain for lazy people, like an aggressive disdain. | ||
| I'd be angry at people if they were lazy when I was a young man. | ||
| It was because I was so scared of being lazy. | ||
| I was so scared of being a loser that if I saw any laziness in people, I'd get angry. | ||
| Which is weird because you love pot. | ||
| A lot of pot guys are just happy with their laziness. | ||
| Yeah, that's not me, man. | ||
| I know. | ||
| You're the opposite. | ||
| You're like the most productive pothead I've ever known. | ||
| To me, it doesn't slow me down. | ||
| It makes me think more. | ||
| And when I think more, I think about all the shit I need to get done. | ||
| And I think about how I'll feel if I don't accomplish what I want to accomplish. | ||
| If I don't put in the work, I start freaking out. | ||
| What's your exact strand? | ||
| Because that's the one everyone needs. | ||
| Whatever the strand is you're doing. | ||
| I like sativas over indicas, but I don't like to get super duper high. | ||
| It's like drunk. | ||
| I like two drinks. | ||
| Two drinks and I go on stage, I'm the life of the party. | ||
| We're all friends! | ||
| Come on, what's up? | ||
| Four drinks, and I'm like, what did I just talk about five minutes ago? | ||
| Make sure I don't repeat my jokes. | ||
| Make sure I don't bring up something that I'm not sure where it goes yet. | ||
| I didn't look at my notes before I went on stage, like, I can't. | ||
| Four drinks is too much. | ||
| Or you go, I'll scrap these first four parts of the bit and just do this joke, and you're like, why'd you scrap those? | ||
| I was like, I don't know, I was drunk, I just jumped right to that part. | ||
| Pop makes me really consider all the things I'm not doing. | ||
| It makes me call friends and check in on them. | ||
| Love that. | ||
| Yeah, it makes me, like, way more, like, kind and compassionate and friendly. | ||
| I want to hug people. | ||
| Mushrooms does that for me. | ||
| Same thing, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, that one was, like, a life-changing thing for me. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because I was like, I don't know, I'm trying to explain something scientific that I don't know nothing about, but if I had to describe how it felt, it felt like it connected things for me. | ||
| Where I was like, oh, I need to be a little bit more... | ||
| I need to work on this, or I need to check in with so-and-so, or I need to let go of that. | ||
| And that was all because of... | ||
| I kind of came back a different guy after Mushrooms. | ||
| Well, I think one of the primary things that it does is it dissolves your ego. | ||
| And the ego, I think, is the giant cage that we all live in. | ||
| And you can kind of see the world from outside the cage, but the ego is there protecting you from reality sometimes. | ||
| The ego is there protecting you from your understanding of your own mistakes, which we all have. | ||
| And some people bullshit themselves, but they keep it in the back of their head. | ||
| The ego is what's doing all that for you. | ||
| And it's doing that as like this little shield, this little character. | ||
| It's a page that you put in that allows you to move through the world. | ||
| And Mushrooms just takes that down. | ||
| And then you just get to see the world for what it really is and see you for where you really are. | ||
| And then see some of the behaviors that you always regret about yourself. | ||
| Why am I doing that? | ||
| What is that? | ||
| And then you can kind of see the roots of it all. | ||
| And you see the cause and effect of interactions with people. | ||
| I remember one time I had a psychedelic experience, and I was closing my eyes, and I saw positive thoughts as a different pattern. | ||
| Like, I had a negative thought, and the pattern turned, like, dark. | ||
| And then I had a positive thought, like, oh, no, no, no, don't think negative. | ||
| And it went, ah, like, flowered open. | ||
| Love that. | ||
| These beautiful patterns. | ||
| And then it was, like, the thing, like, the mushroom was telling me, that's the way to go. | ||
| Right. | ||
| That's the way to go. | ||
| That perception. | ||
| Yeah, you can lean into negativity if you want to. | ||
| You want to be a cunt? | ||
| I love that. | ||
| There's plenty of cunts out there. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But there's people out there that are doing that. | ||
| They're filled with anxiety. | ||
| It's wrecking their life. | ||
| Dude. | ||
| Just nice. | ||
|
unidentified
|
People love being wronged. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| It's such a treat for them to hold on to their wrong, the things they've been wronged. | ||
| And so that's such a great way to describe that. | ||
| Because really my failures and my flaws and the things I want to work on and all that stuff are the connection. | ||
| Like when I was able to go, man, I think I really have a problem here and I need some help. | ||
| People were excited to help me. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Because it gave them a chance to help and serve and connect. | ||
| And so as opposed to me thinking I needed to pretend I didn't have a problem or they wouldn't be my friends, it made them so much better friends knowing like, oh, we can help them. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And that's just, I keep using sobriety as an example, but just in general, the connection is that. | ||
| Connection's everything. | ||
| Like real connection with people is everything. | ||
| And you gotta have good people around you. | ||
| Like this whole idea of being nice and being cool. | ||
| Some people can't be nice. | ||
| They're surrounded by assholes. | ||
| They're surrounded by people that are fucking with them and taking from them and ruining their life and interjecting in their life. | ||
| And they're just like, ugh, they have to stand up for themselves. | ||
| But you've got to at least aspire to get into a better situation in life and surround yourself somehow. | ||
| There's a way. | ||
| I've done it. | ||
| You've done it. | ||
| Surround yourself with nice people. | ||
| It can be done. | ||
| Yeah, it can be done. | ||
| Find a group, find a friend, find a church, find a whatever. | ||
| And also be that person so that you attract those people. | ||
| Again, figure it out. | ||
| I was describing my buddy Chris the other day like what I think the problem is with kind of like modern times. | ||
| I know that's kind of vague, but it's like I've always seen my life as like I got dealt a card of hands, you know? | ||
| Some of those cards real good and some of the cards not good, but that's the hand I was dealt. | ||
| We've all been dealt some hand of cards. | ||
| A lot of people bad ones, some people really good ones. | ||
| We've just been dealt a hand. | ||
| And I thought to myself, how can I play these cards? | ||
| I didn't start bitching about the rules of poker. | ||
| I didn't start going, hey dealer, maybe we should change the whole board. | ||
| All I can do is play my hand. | ||
| And I think that's kind of how I'm viewing modern times. | ||
| Where people would rather complain about the rules of poker instead of just playing their hands the best way they could. | ||
| Well, it's outcasts for the first time get collectively as a group and then act like bullies. | ||
| So they act like people have acted to them. | ||
| Like the most, you know, it's that old expression, hurt people hurt people. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So the nastiest, meanest people online, I find, other than like white radical, white supremacist Nazis and shit. | ||
| What just you're talking about social issues, the meanest people with the left wing people Especially now. | ||
| And this is not to say there's not some cunts out there that are right-wing people. | ||
| There's a ton of them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| But it's commonplace for people who consider themselves good, kind people to say things like punch a Nazi. | ||
| Right. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| And then they get to define what a Nazi is and has nothing to do with a swastika, nothing to do with hating Jews. | ||
| You know, you can just be voted Republican. | ||
| Oh, you're a fascist. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Okay. | ||
| You tell me, first of all, what does that mean? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You tell me what that means. | ||
| Tell me what that word, define that word. | ||
| You throw that word around so often. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And there's a lot of definitions of that word, right-wing, authoritarian government, all that stuff. | ||
| But also, like... | ||
| Forcing people to behave and think in a certain way. | ||
| That's what they hate about religion. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They claim they hate religion because religious people tell them what to think and do. | ||
| It's a religion. | ||
| And then they do a religious act of being like a liberal going, if you don't think like me, you must be bad. | ||
| Racism's their devil. | ||
| And it's okay to hate the devil, and so they try to hate it. | ||
| Do you know who Marc Andreessen is? | ||
| He's a brilliant venture capitalist, super genius guy and been on my podcast a couple times. | ||
| He broke the whole woke thing down as a religion and explained how you can get excommunicated and cast out and people are fearful of that so they stay inside the lines. | ||
| There's a doctrine they all follow. | ||
| They're using race. | ||
| Because guess what? | ||
| Who'd want to be friends with a racist? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's not just race. | |
| It's also gender. | ||
| It's also stupid shit. | ||
| You can be non-binary. | ||
| If you're a white man, you've got nowhere to go. | ||
| Hey, I can't even be fucked with. | ||
| No one's discriminating against me. | ||
| You can become non-binary. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sure. | |
| Oh, great. | ||
| You can still fuck girls. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| You just have to say you're a they-them. | ||
| Well, in my observation, the left used to be really the cool, the progressive side, the nice side, the good side. | ||
| Whereas to now, I'm like, listen to yourselves. | ||
| You don't like rich people. | ||
| You're mad at everyone wealthy. | ||
| You're mad at the super wealthy. | ||
| You hate gym bros. | ||
| You hate frat guys. | ||
| You hate straight white guys. | ||
| You hate boomers. | ||
| You're mad at your grandparents. | ||
| You seem to not like a lot of people for being the most accepting side. | ||
| Just completely generalizing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Also, where's our empathy? | ||
| I think if I ever met like a crazy right-wing, which I never have met any of these Nazis they're talking about, but if I did meet one, I believe that I could have some empathy for them and some sympathy and go, they're just dumb. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They're not evil. | ||
| They're just dumb. | ||
| They can be like convinced otherwise. | ||
| They're also programmed, right? | ||
| It's generally they're programmed by the people around them. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But where's our empathy? | ||
| I watched this documentary on Netflix. | ||
| It was about like the KKK and the woman who made the documentary was like a kind of a cute Muslim girl. | ||
| And she like interviewed actual white nationalists and KKK members. | ||
| And she brings them into this thing. | ||
| And what I learned from that documentary, what I got from it was that like, oh, they don't even really believe this. | ||
| They just wanted a group. | ||
| They wanted a daddy. | ||
| They wanted someone to like, so they thought to themselves, I can hate black people. | ||
| I mean, if they're over there, I don't ever have to confront one, and I don't ever have to be... | ||
| We will meet a black guy, they'll go, well, not you. | ||
| We're talking about the idea. | ||
| They're not even talking about that actual person. | ||
| And the girl in the documentary goes, well, you know that you let me in, and you've been very nice to me, and I'm a Muslim woman. | ||
| And the guy's like, well, not you. | ||
| You're a good one. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So it's because they just wanted a group like you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| They just wanted a group like black gang members or Hispanic, MS-19, whatever these groups are. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whatever your little lesbian group is, whatever your baseball team is. | |
| I'm in the bowling league. | ||
| They needed a group. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They needed a group. | |
| And their group was like, I can hate some people I've never seen before. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And that's why it's so dangerous, like, groups, like, where they can get entrapped. | ||
| Because the Governor Whitmer case, do you know that case? | ||
| Mm-mm. | ||
| These guys conspired to kidnap the governor of Michigan? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And there's 14 people involved. | ||
| 12 of them were FBI informants. | ||
| So he got these two dudes who just wanted to be in a group. | ||
| Yeah, that's it. | ||
| Two guys. | ||
| Hey, man, we're going to kidnap them. | ||
| We're going to take over the government. | ||
| Fuck yeah. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| Yeah, they just wanted some shit. | ||
| Red Riders! | ||
| I'm in. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm in. | |
| What time? | ||
| They probably had a name for their guy. | ||
| They were cool. | ||
| They had a group chat. | ||
| Probably felt real cool. | ||
| We're doing it. | ||
| We're gonna make some change. | ||
| We're getting the duct tape. | ||
| Vigilantes. | ||
| Meanwhile, these two guys thought they were cosplaying, and then they got arrested. | ||
| Like, I didn't really plan on doing it. | ||
| It wasn't even my idea. | ||
| It's tricky. | ||
| Another problem I've noticed too, like along these lines, is like, let's say we're in a group, let's say we have some group, and then we find out one of the guys in our group did a bad thing. | ||
| But we gotta pay our bills, right? | ||
| We got a group, and also we do have kind of camaraderie. | ||
| So a bad thing groups like to do is cover up for that person. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So like, it's not like every Catholic priest, I've heard all your terrible bits at the comedy clubs about the Catholic priests from every comic I know. | ||
| It's not like all the ones were fine with sexually molesting children. | ||
| It's just that there were a lot that did, and the church thought, this is not going to look good for us. | ||
| Let's cover this up. | ||
| It happens in the military. | ||
| Sometimes there's some bad guys in the military, and they don't want people to think if you send your daughters to the military, bad things are going to happen. | ||
| So they kind of internally deal with it. | ||
| And that's a bad thing that groups do. | ||
| Even our own government goes, alright, let's find a way to cover that up instead of dealing with this. | ||
| Because if we just deal with it, it's gonna reflect poorly on the group. | ||
| What are we gonna do with this obscene client list? | ||
| Is it really helping the world? | ||
| Does Mr. Gates need this kind of attention? | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| He's out there trying to cure polio. | ||
| Leave him alone. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| So you start to think, let's protect the group. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And we do it in all these ways. | ||
| I think that that's happened with the LGBTQ +, whatever. | ||
| I think a lot of gay people are waking up and going, why did we let the trans people in this group? | ||
| They're making us look terrible. | ||
| Well, lesbians are having a real problem with it. | ||
| Because there's a lot of trans men who identify as lesbian. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Or trans women. | ||
| They say they're a lesbian. | ||
| And they get on lesbian apps. | ||
| And these girls are like, I'm looking for a vagina. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And now they're waking up going, ah, maybe the trans struggle was different than the gay struggle, but we've let them in the group and now... | ||
| Well, a lot of gay guys think that the movement is homophobic because you're telling a young gay guy, no, you're a woman, you're actually a woman. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Which is crazy. | |
| Well, it's one of those things that you got to say some people it must be true because it's always been a thing like to have real gender dysphoria to be in your mind feel like a woman has always been a thing even if you're a guy there's more feminine women that feel like women So it's like, that's real. | ||
| But also, when you encourage that, and you reward people socially for that, and then you have Pride Day at kindergarten, and you're talking about sexual orientation to people that are nowhere near puberty, which is really crazy. | ||
| And then you start, like... | ||
| Having people that become trans, all of a sudden they're amazing. | ||
| Where they were just really mediocre before. | ||
| Like Bruce Jenner. | ||
| He was the goof of the Kardashian show. | ||
| First of all, it makes no sense. | ||
| No one's accomplished shit. | ||
| This motherfucker was on the cover of Weedie. | ||
| He was a star. | ||
| He was a fucking gold medalist in the decathlon and the goddamn Olympics. | ||
| He was a stud. | ||
| He was a stud. | ||
| And meanwhile, he's on this show with these influencers, and he's just getting nothing. | ||
| He's just mocked. | ||
| He's like, I could be a pretty gal. | ||
| Just openly mocked. | ||
| He becomes a woman. | ||
| He's woman of the year in six months. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Immediately. | |
| In six months, he took over the fucking game. | ||
| He's a winner. | ||
| It's like a Chinese autistic kid coming into your math class and fucking up the curve. | ||
| How did they get here? | ||
| What's going on here? | ||
| This guy's a genius. | ||
| He's got a 287 IQ. This is not fair. | ||
| He just came in and took over. | ||
| Superwoman? | ||
| Everyone loved him until he started saying he was voting for Trump. | ||
| Yeah, now they hate him. | ||
| Which was hilarious, like people were saying it's okay to misgender her. | ||
| This person, call him Caitlyn, call her Caitlyn, whatever. | ||
| Doesn't seem to care. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Like, is fined with you dead-naming her. | ||
| Like, this is who she is now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| She's comfortable in her own skin, 60 years old, out of the closet, the whole deal. | ||
| Yay! | ||
| But people are... | ||
| I saw this thing online where someone was saying, it's okay to misgender Caitlyn Jenner because she voted for Trump. | ||
| So, okay, so transphobia is okay if someone differs with you politically? | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| Like, what are you doing? | ||
| I know. | ||
| You're not being compassionate. | ||
| You're not being kind. | ||
| All these things that you said is only with total compliance are you willing to give people this grace. | ||
| You must have total compliance to our ideology or you're cast out of the kingdom. | ||
| It's a leverage of power. | ||
| Even if you're a trans woman, which is at the top of the oppression list, they're above regular poor black people, poor Mexicans, poor immigrants, trans people's at the top of the mountain. | ||
| They're attacking their own. | ||
| They're literally cannibalists, just going like, oh, this one didn't fall in line. | ||
| Didn't fall in line. | ||
| Throw them out. | ||
| I also think it's just a big overcorrection. | ||
| I think humans are guilty of always overcorrecting. | ||
| So it's like... | ||
| We were racist, historically. | ||
| I could go on about that for hours, but let's say that's the idea that we're agreeing with, that historically America was racist. | ||
| So now the overcorrection is, anything that is racist must be, don't ever even accuse a person of color of something wrong, because we have to so overcorrect, and we have to say how many black friends we have, and say how cool black things are, and don't say that their hair is different, because that would be a racist thing. | ||
| Or, oh, we used to be homophobic. | ||
| So now, if a guy sucks a dick, let's give him a parade. | ||
| Yeah, let's put him in the White House. | ||
| Let's celebrate hell. | ||
| Exactly! | ||
| Let's give him the charge of the fucking guy in the dress who's in charge of nuclear energy. | ||
| Just let him suck dick. | ||
| That was stealing women's clothes. | ||
| Yeah, just let him suck dick. | ||
| We didn't need him to be in power. | ||
| That person's not exceptional. | ||
| Just because they wear a dress. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| That's a nutty person. | ||
| You're not virtuous. | ||
| I think that there's a big difference between just letting someone live their life and being kind to them in society and not treating them different and giving them all the same rights as opposed to celebrating it. | ||
| I think you're absolutely right. | ||
| It's just an extreme overcorrection. | ||
| What we need to do is just let people be themselves. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| And figure out who that is. | ||
| But what is weird is when it becomes encouraged. | ||
| And so then you get, like, with girls in particular, they're very vulnerable. | ||
| Abigail Schreier wrote a book about this, about how many girls that are on the spectrum get convinced that they're trans. | ||
| And then the problem is there's some states that allow you I think if you're 15, you can go and get puberty blockers or at the very least you can get testosterone. | ||
| I know you can do that. | ||
| Do you know that like Planned Parenthood is like the number one prescriber of testosterone? | ||
| See if that's true. | ||
| But I think Planned Parenthood prescribes more testosterone than anybody, which is really crazy if that's true. | ||
| That's wild. | ||
| Because I think in some places, they help people with gender transition. | ||
| So if you're a girl, in some states, you don't even have to be an adult. | ||
| You can go to them, and you don't have the permission of your parents. | ||
| I don't know who you have to consult with or what you have to do, but I've heard it's alarmingly easy. | ||
| And then, now you're on testosterone. | ||
| And one of the things that testosterone does is it alleviates anxiety. | ||
| It makes you feel stronger, you feel more alert, more alive, like, this is what I was missing. | ||
| I was missing testosterone. | ||
| No, you weren't. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know. | |
| No, you weren't. | ||
| That's not a natural part of your body. | ||
| You just added something, and now you feel way different, but now you're going to change your voice. | ||
| And if you grow out of this, and if this is just a phase, well, now you've fucked up your life, and you can't ever have children. | ||
| Right. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's a big deal. | |
| And there's a bunch of those ladies out there. | ||
| The detransitioners, they're stuck with deep voices for their whole lives. | ||
| They're stuck with masculine features. | ||
| They've cut their breasts off. | ||
| I got in trouble for posting. | ||
| And they've done it before they're adults. | ||
| I got in trouble for posting this. | ||
| Is that true about Planned Parenthood? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hold on. | |
| I don't want to get sued. | ||
| Have you been sued? | ||
| No. | ||
| Anybody ever sued you? | ||
| I did read it in a... | ||
| I see one article, but I don't know if this is legit. | ||
| What does it say? | ||
| It says that, but I'm trying to find out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| It's the Dallas Express. | ||
| It doesn't seem like... | ||
| That's the number one newspaper on the universe. | ||
| It's gotta be. | ||
| Everyone's reading that. | ||
| Plan paired among largest suppliers of testosterone. | ||
| Right there. | ||
| In the headlines. | ||
| Let's see what the numbers are. | ||
| Do they say numbers? | ||
| I didn't even get it. | ||
| 800 visits per year to more than 2,500. | ||
| The whole fucking expression, gender-affirming care, freaks me out, man. | ||
| I got in trouble for posting this. | ||
| I said, if genitals don't define gender, how does removing them affirm it? | ||
| Ooh. | ||
| That's fucking touche. | ||
| That's touche. | ||
| What are we doing? | ||
| It's really crazy. | ||
| You said, like, I don't need to have a vagina to be a woman, then why do I need to remove my penis to be a woman? | ||
| Whoa, back that up again? | ||
| The number of gender-affirming hormone therapy visits to Planned Parenthood tripled between 2021 and 2023, growing from 800 visits per year to more than 2,500. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| That shows you that it's a social contagion, and that's Abigail Schreier's position on it. | ||
| And it's a very compassionate, kind position. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| And it's about the future of children and them making decisions when they're very impressionable. | ||
| And boy, do people attack her. | ||
| They removed it from bookstores. | ||
| They called her transphobic just for literally talking about facts and statistics and the numbers have increased and the psychological effect. | ||
| Like, what's going on with them psychologically? | ||
| Like, why are they being led? | ||
| Who are these? | ||
| What is the actual odds that nine friends all become trans? | ||
| What are the odds of that? | ||
| It's almost zero. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's preposterous. | |
| It's preposterous. | ||
| But then again, it is also a real thing. | ||
| There's always been people that have felt like they should have been a woman. | ||
| And if you're a grown adult and you want to make that decision, you do whatever you want to do. | ||
| I've met trans people that say they are very happy with what they've done. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's great. | ||
| I guess. | ||
| But you gotta know what the fuck that is. | ||
| And when you're 13, you don't. | ||
| Yeah, I don't know if I'd encourage it, even in an adult. | ||
| I know that the correct statement for me right now would be like, just leave our kids alone. | ||
| But I think that maybe, I don't even want to encourage adults. | ||
| We just gotta pursue your own things. | ||
| And I think that's beautiful. | ||
| And I think that's what our country's about. | ||
| But in my mind... | ||
| Find a dude who doesn't care about the dick. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| If you're a trans woman, find a dude who actually... | ||
| Find Jim Norton. | ||
| Oh, yeah, exactly. | ||
| You can find a Jim Norton. | ||
| You could have gotten a celebrity. | ||
| I mean, that's what happened with Jim. | ||
| He's got a trans woman for a wife. | ||
| He's happy. | ||
| He talks about the dick. | ||
| You know what's crazy about the Jim Norton thing? | ||
| He's with these tough crowd guys. | ||
| He's with all my heroes. | ||
| I've looked up to Jim Norton my whole life. | ||
| I love Jim Norton. | ||
| I'm a fan. | ||
| And then they go, you know, he's married to a trans woman. | ||
| And I was like, the fuck? | ||
| And everyone's like, oh, you Jeff and your trans thing. | ||
| I was like, no, if I know Jim Norton, he wouldn't have got married. | ||
| That's really what I was shocked about. | ||
| The institution of marriage he believes in? | ||
| That's ridiculous! | ||
| This is Jim Norton! | ||
| That's the overcorrection. | ||
| You want to show this is really your wife? | ||
| You're going to marry her. | ||
| Whereas all the girlfriends, all the girls with their little stinky vaginas. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Get out of here! | |
| You're not getting married. | ||
| You can't take my last name. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck off. | |
| I'm waiting for a dick. | ||
| Yeah, it's very crazy, man. | ||
| That's the overcorrection. | ||
| But you wouldn't encourage someone, and I know that I'm going to take some hits for this, but you wouldn't encourage someone who believed that their body was fat if it wasn't healthily, you know, like with an eating disorder. | ||
| I think Tucker Carlson said that. | ||
| You don't say, oh, you are fat. | ||
| Yeah, Joe, but I believe I should be, and you go, you're dying, dude. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Or it's, no, what he said it about was anorexics. | ||
| Like, you would never tell an anorexic, oh, you are fat. | ||
| And that's real. | ||
| Right. | ||
| People are really out there believing. | ||
| They look in the mirror, they're a skeleton. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| But they look in the mirror and they go, I'm gross, I'm fat. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| You wouldn't encourage it. | ||
| You would never encourage that. | ||
| You would treat it. | ||
| You would say, no, there's something wrong. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Correct. | |
| You would treat it. | ||
| I think the other problem is that the whole way they do it, you can't orgasm ever again, okay? | ||
| And you don't really have a vagina. | ||
| You have this hole, right? | ||
| And then you have to keep that hole dilated. | ||
| You have to stick something inside it. | ||
| I think it's like lip jobs. | ||
| Like, don't get the early ones. | ||
| Wait till they get this down. | ||
| Don't let people experiment on you by splicing your dick open like a hot dog. | ||
| Wait! | ||
| Just hang in there. | ||
| Wait for the iPod 6. Wait for gene therapy. | ||
| Because I firmly believe, it might not be in our lifetime, but maybe in our children or our grandchildren's lifetime, gene editing will get to a place where they will be able to turn you into whatever the fuck you want. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And it's probably going to be a nightmare, because every guy's going to look like Thor, and every woman's going to look like a prime Jennifer Lopez. | ||
| It's like, there's not going to be any variations. | ||
| Everyone's going to be super hot. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You're not going to appreciate hot people. | ||
| Yeah, you will. | ||
| Big whoop. | ||
| Yeah, because when a hot woman walks in a room, and there's no other hot woman, everyone's like, whoa. | ||
| One's here. | ||
| Look what I got. | ||
| Look at her. | ||
| Oh my goodness. | ||
| What does she look like naked? | ||
| Right? | ||
| But if everybody looks like that, it's gonna be commonplace. | ||
| And I think we're gonna get to a place where every man's gonna look like the Hulk. | ||
| It's just gonna be just giant dudes. | ||
| Nerds will for sure. | ||
| 100% they're going to be the first to sign up for that. | ||
| You know what's interesting? | ||
| All these fucking dudes that go to the coffee shop and sit there with their legs crossed like this. | ||
| No working out. | ||
| Their shoulders slumped. | ||
| They're going to look like the rock. | ||
| Just fucking rock! | ||
| Dude, you know what's interesting about the comic book world? | ||
| All the guys who, like, they read comics and it's Thor. | ||
| He's got shoulders like you and biceps like you. | ||
| Spider-Man, the Hulk. | ||
| All these dudes that are just fantastic heroes that can give us justice and beat your enemies. | ||
| But then if they see you at the coffee shop, they go, look at this douchebag. | ||
| You go, what? | ||
| I look like your comic books. | ||
| Like if Joe Rogan walked in, they should be going, holy shit, how does he look like that? | ||
| I want to look like that. | ||
| But isn't it also weird that it's like the feeblest men that really love the super powerful men in these fantasies, but not real life. | ||
| But they don't want to just work out to look like them. | ||
| Because that's too hard, Jeff. | ||
| But just do it. | ||
| Be like your heroes. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| They look at me weird. | ||
| Yeah, that's part of it. | ||
| It's so hard if you're like scrawny and you go to a gym for the first time. | ||
| It's so disheartening. | ||
| It's tough. | ||
| And there's all these girls with those fucking yoga pants on. | ||
| You might as well be a pile of shit to them. | ||
| There's all these big jack guys doing squats. | ||
| That's motivation, baby. | ||
| And you're sitting there with your little fucking 10-pound dumbbells. | ||
| My arms. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And it takes so long to get strong. | ||
| Guys, if you were slamming weights, you guys love to slam weights. | ||
| It takes so long to get strong. | ||
| It takes forever. | ||
| So many reps. | ||
| Oh, you got to keep doing it or you shrink. | ||
| Yeah, you got to come back tomorrow. | ||
| They go, oh, I got to do this again tomorrow. | ||
| It's so hard that most people just want to dismiss it. | ||
| But it's fun. | ||
| If you could do it in a pill, I would tell to anybody, if I could give you a pill, and that pill would give you more energy throughout the day, you could pick up anything, you could carry things around, you'd never have to worry about yourself physically, you're stronger than most people you meet, you know how to fight, wouldn't you take that pill? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Well, you can do that pill, stupid. | ||
| It's called hard work. | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| That's all it is. | ||
| That's so true, yeah. | ||
| That's all it is. | ||
| And it'll change everything for you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Work hard. | |
| It'll change everything for you. | ||
| You know how it's boring to take all those vitamins? | ||
| Take the vitamins, you fucking retard. | ||
| But, Joe. | ||
| Open up the cabinet. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We don't all have to. | |
| I've got to work at Chipotle. | ||
| Sure, you've got enough protein and enough fat. | ||
| Your fucking car's a race car. | ||
| But Joe, I don't have the free time. | ||
| I have a family. | ||
| Everybody has free time. | ||
| You just choose to do it with other things. | ||
| You choose to sit there with your fucking phone out, scrolling through Instagram and checking your likes and arguing with people on Twitter. | ||
| Yeah, that's how I feel. | ||
| You've got plenty of time to go to McDonald's. | ||
| There's so much time. | ||
| David Goggins has that great quote where he says, this guy said to me, the gym membership's too expensive. | ||
| He goes, you got a motherfucking floor where you live? | ||
| You got a ground where you're at? | ||
| Then work out, motherfucker. | ||
| And I love that kind of mentality of like, you could do a whole workout right there. | ||
| All you need is a chin-up bar. | ||
| And you don't even need that. | ||
| You can get those things that hang on your door. | ||
| You don't even have to get like a permanent gym. | ||
| They have good chin-up bars now that like attach to your door frame and they're solid and they hold you in place. | ||
| You screw them in. | ||
| They're legit. | ||
| And all you need is that and push-ups, bodyweight squats, sit-ups. | ||
| There's a bunch of different yoga exercises you can do. | ||
|
unidentified
|
There's rocks outside. | |
| You can pick up a rock Free rock. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| It's not a cool kettlebell with a monkey hate on it, but, you know, rocks are heavy. | ||
| Rocks are awkward, too. | ||
| Tree branch. | ||
| Sandbags. | ||
| I know 7,000 parks by my house that have a bar that you wouldn't have to buy on Amazon. | ||
| You could just go hang from it. | ||
| Yeah, those are always good. | ||
| Monkey bars, those are great. | ||
| That'll do it. | ||
| That's the number one way kids break their fucking arms, too. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Yeah, my daughter broke her arm on a monkey bar. | ||
| I broke my arm on a monkey bar. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| At school? | ||
| Like, she broke it at school? | ||
| Yeah, at school. | ||
| At that school, I was like, boy, that monkey bar is really high off the ground. | ||
| These fucking kids are seven. | ||
| This is crazy. | ||
| I like that, though. | ||
| And she's a little reckless. | ||
| Ninja Warrior out there. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, that's what it is. | ||
| All these kids are just trying to have fun, but they don't understand their limitations yet. | ||
| That's why it's dangerous to have them in an environment like that. | ||
| But that's how you learn. | ||
| When we were kids, they had those domes. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| And you'd climb inside. | ||
| Kids were always getting concussions. | ||
| There's foots in it, but they fall this way. | ||
| They're leaky, rip apart. | ||
| Those fucking things. | ||
| What's the dome one? | ||
| We had an actual circular one that was little triangles. | ||
| Yeah, we had one of those too, but there was one that was like a half a circle. | ||
| It was like a dome with all these monkey bars inside of it and shit. | ||
| That's the one I had. | ||
| Yeah, we had that. | ||
| There would always be one bar missing sometimes on the thing. | ||
| You'd be like, what happened here? | ||
| Sharp edges. | ||
| Screws sticking out of it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But kids always bang their head. | ||
| I bang my head a hundred times on those fucking things. | ||
| It also forces creativity, too, because there's no iPad there. | ||
| There's no candy crush. | ||
| So you had to be like, all right, this is our igloo that we're going to protect. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I wonder if that's good. | ||
| Everybody wants to look back to the days when everyone was bored and romantically, yeah, you make your own fun. | ||
| I'm like, I think if I had a video game, it would have been way more fun. | ||
| Well, we had both. | ||
| I had the 90s, so we had both. | ||
| When I was a kid, we would play video games all night. | ||
| But during the day, there was something fun about wrestling. | ||
| You know, like the human part of interaction. | ||
| So we really were making up things with guns and just like shooting each other. | ||
| Say the best of both worlds. | ||
| Yeah, we kind of both. | ||
| But that was before online media or online social media. | ||
| Oh yeah, we weren't online playing video games either. | ||
| It was just me versus my buddy. | ||
| I think the social media thing is the craziest part of it. | ||
| I think kids are just, first of all, they're weirdly connected, because they all get on Snapchat, and then they have a snap map, so they know where all their friends are at any given time. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And so they're constantly paying attention to that, and finding each other, and they go in groups, and they go to this party, and, oh, they're at this party, let's go to that party, see them on the maps. | ||
| Yeah, they're adults. | ||
| You just described adults. | ||
| Those aren't even kids anymore. | ||
| They're little kids that are, like, traveling around with their friends with phones and they only talk through text messages. | ||
| Yeah, that's adults. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Which sucks. | ||
| Fucking weird. | ||
| It sucks. | ||
| A weird new life. | ||
| They still do, like, kids today, they still do physical things, they still do sports, you know, but when we were kids, the thing about Not having any other influences, especially social media influences, you didn't really aspire to be exactly like other people. | ||
| It's like there was groups of people that you gravitated towards being a jock, you gravitated towards being an artist, but you didn't try to completely copy whatever trend is going on. | ||
| Nowadays kids, they leave their fucking stupid label on their Nikes. | ||
| Like, what is that? | ||
| What is that? | ||
| Where it's supposed to be cool to keep your fucking label and they're all doing it? | ||
| Yeah, the tag is like, look, it's a limited edition. | ||
| It's like, it's not. | ||
| They made a bunch of those. | ||
| Oh, that's hilarious. | ||
| I pulled a knife out. | ||
| I go, cut that off. | ||
| I go, what are you, a sheep? | ||
| Are you a little sheep? | ||
| You got a fucking tag on your Nikes? | ||
| And he did, he cut it off. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He goes, you're right. | |
| I go, I'm right. | ||
| I fuck yeah, I'm right. | ||
| Who cares if everyone knows their white label or whatever it is? | ||
| What is it called? | ||
| It's called an off-white. | ||
| It means that it has that red tag on it. | ||
| Stupid. | ||
| Cut it off right in the green room. | ||
| That's a daddy moment for him. | ||
| I give him a knife. | ||
| You said, hey, I'm dad here. | ||
| This is nonsense. | ||
| You are not doing this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I love that. | |
| You're not going to have a propeller on your hat. | ||
| Keep a sticker on the thing. | ||
| Take that propeller off your fucking hat. | ||
| Grow up. | ||
| You don't have to have that label. | ||
| When I was a kid, dudes would have labels on their hats. | ||
| I hate that. | ||
| They'd buy new hats and they'd leave the tag. | ||
| Or the sticker on the bill is one of my biggest pet peeves. | ||
| The sticker on the bill is stupid. | ||
| Take that sticker off. | ||
| Take the sticker off. | ||
| Why do you have that shiny, stupid sticker? | ||
| Makes no sense to me. | ||
| That's dumb. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think that one thing that I do look backwards and think about, and this is a mushroom thought for sure, this came to me, you know, whereas like, My mom would go, why do you need these expensive shoes for school? | ||
| And I didn't have the intelligence at the time to explain it to her now, but now I look back and I wish I would have said, Mom, my whole social structure is based on this. | ||
| Because I don't have the internet, which would later come out. | ||
| I don't have these things. | ||
| At least in the 90s and the late 80s when I was growing up, Amber Shoemaker was the hottest girl at our school, which meant Amber Shoemaker's the hottest woman in our universe. | ||
| I didn't go online and go, well, Amber's not... | ||
| I didn't have anyone else. | ||
| That's the hottest girl. | ||
| Do you know what I'm saying? | ||
| The coolest guy in our school, Anthony Medina, was the coolest guy in the world, because that's our world. | ||
| Whereas kids now could go, who gives a shit about Anthony Medina? | ||
| I'm following LeBron. | ||
| So like, we had our own little realities. | ||
| You know, so it's like, I didn't give a shit about the bulls necessarily, but if Mike Jensen from my school said the bulls are cool, I liked the bulls. | ||
| I didn't have anywhere to escape to. | ||
| I need to do what I can, and I think even before me was probably even better than that. | ||
| I think like when cowboys roamed the earth, that might have been number one. | ||
| You don't think so? | ||
| Because here's why, hear me out. | ||
| Let's say we're cowboys. | ||
| We're on the ridge line. | ||
| Cowboys. | ||
| Sun's going down. | ||
| Yeah, sun's going down. | ||
| Kind with a house? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, no, but we have a house, but we're now on the ridge line with our horses. | ||
| Oh, we're on the road. | ||
| A few days. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| On the trail. | ||
| And say, hey, buddy, sun's going down. | ||
| Let's make a fire. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| But we gotta brush the horses. | ||
| We gotta do our shit. | ||
| We're eating our can. | ||
| We see all these twinkling lights out there. | ||
| We got a picture of our lady in our wallet. | ||
| Like, oh man, I can't wait to get home to her. | ||
| You know, say some dirty things about her. | ||
| And then I would eat my beans. | ||
| And then I'd say, I wonder what everyone's doing out there. | ||
| I would just wonder. | ||
| Yeah, that is a really cute version of what it meant like to be a cowboy. | ||
| Here's what it really was like. | ||
| You would stay up and I would sleep because we don't want anybody raping and killing us in the middle of the night. | ||
| Because the Indians have been following us for miles and we don't know they've been following us. | ||
| That would be reversed, by the way. | ||
| You'd stay up and I'd sleep. | ||
| We're too stupid to cold camp. | ||
| Okay, so we started a fire, which makes you really easy to spot. | ||
| And they just wait until that fire starts getting dim and they hear snoring. | ||
| And they come in, and they cut you up, and they fuck you, and they do whatever they want. | ||
| No, you're supposed to stay awake and slaughter them. | ||
| Well, I mean, there's only two of us. | ||
| There's like seven or eight of them. | ||
| And, you know, back in the musket days, there was a lot of reloading time. | ||
| I get one of them. | ||
| That's why the Comanches dominated this area, because they were using single-shot guns. | ||
| But you know that's racist. | ||
| They were just sitting here peacefully. | ||
| The Comanches, they were not. | ||
| The Comanches had multiple arrows on their fingers, so they'd keep like four or five arrows, and they would shoot one, and they'd shoot another one, and they'd shoot another one. | ||
| They were just fucking these dudes up. | ||
| I bet it. | ||
| The only thing that saved this entire state, the only reason why people were able to conquer, was the Colt pistol. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| When they figured out how to make a pistol with like a chamber, it was Colt, right? | ||
| Wasn't it? | ||
| I think it was Colt. | ||
| So they developed, believe this or not, at the time, the military didn't want. | ||
| Really? | ||
| They're like, what are we doing with these six shots? | ||
| We got one shot. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Good enough. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I didn't know that. | ||
| I couldn't sell them. | ||
| That's ridiculous. | ||
| He sold them to the Texas Rangers. | ||
| Oh, that's amazing. | ||
| Jack Smith, that guy who's out in the hallway, that photograph, that's why he's there. | ||
| That's the original Texas Rangers. | ||
| Why wouldn't they want more bullets quicker, accessibly? | ||
| Because it's the government. | ||
| They've always been retarded. | ||
| Yeah, that's ridiculous. | ||
| They were even retarded in the 1800s. | ||
|
unidentified
|
More bullets. | |
| So this was a novel invention. | ||
| This guy figured out a revolver. | ||
| And it was like, you had to take the cylinder out, put a new cylinder in. | ||
| But every time he did, he had five or six. | ||
| Was it six shots or five? | ||
| So it was the first time ever you could fire multiple times. | ||
| They just started fucking up these Indians. | ||
| Yeah, that was protection. | ||
| Yeah, for sure. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's great. | |
| But it's these guys that, like, they dressed like Indians. | ||
| They fucking infiltrated. | ||
| They cold camped. | ||
| They would go deep, deep, deep into, like, uncharted territories. | ||
| Those were probably just bad guys pretending to be Indians to make the Indians look bad. | ||
| Oh, no, no, no. | ||
| They were bad guys. | ||
| Just kidding. | ||
| But they were bad guys to go after the Indians. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They were bad guys. | ||
| But so were the fucking Indians. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, for sure. | |
| They were bad to each other. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| That's why I always get so mad about the debate about like, well, you came here, like white people came here and did bad. | ||
| It's like, dude, you think that they weren't all fighting for land here? | ||
| They weren't just fighting. | ||
| They didn't ever, ever, ever surrender. | ||
| Yeah, there was lots of tribes. | ||
| Because if they surrendered, they were tortured and murdered. | ||
| The Comanches used to chop dudes' arms off and legs off and then throw them while they were still alive on a roaring fire and watch them squirm around. | ||
| It was fun. | ||
| They were having a good time. | ||
| I meant mentally, earlier from my early analogy of the cute cowboy stuff. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, no, no, no. | |
| No, no, what I was saying is that mentally we didn't compare. | ||
| It was dangerous, dude. | ||
| I know, I believe, I hear you. | ||
| It was terrifying. | ||
| All that home on the range shit is straight up horse shit. | ||
| No, what I mean is they didn't compare. | ||
| Oh, right, because they were, you hear that sound? | ||
| You had too many real things. | ||
| Someone's raping an Indian lady. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You hear that? | ||
| You fucking, you hear gunshots and children screaming. | ||
| You wouldn't think, oh... | ||
| So what that Jeff dies with me? | ||
| So what that he's funny? | ||
| He's no Dave Chappelle. | ||
| You didn't compare. | ||
| But they did, like Billy the Kid. | ||
| Like, people became famous. | ||
| They became infamous. | ||
| These people that everybody wanted to be like Billy the Kid. | ||
| Well, that was one guy that we'd try to be like. | ||
| Right now, I'd go, big deal, Billy the Kid. | ||
| There's a guy in Japan that can shoot 70. Like, the phone makes you have 7 million. | ||
| You don't even appreciate your wife learning guitar because you go, she's no Bob Dylan. | ||
| You know, who gives a shit? | ||
| So that's what I was trying to say. | ||
| That sounds like a really shitty husband. | ||
| That guy's mean, but he's thinking that. | ||
| You're not even here to clap, bitch. | ||
| He's thinking that. | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| She just started. | ||
| Give her a break, dude. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But I meant mentally we didn't compare. | ||
| I think we are not designed for it, but I think kids will be. | ||
| I think the human mind is going to adapt to technology and interacting with each other. | ||
| And I think socially people are adapting to interacting with each other. | ||
| You know, like, the way kids, like, go after each other online, like, they're adapted to it. | ||
| It's normalized to them. | ||
| Just like, you know, if you live in a war-torn part of the world, seeing dead people, it normalizes to you. | ||
| And I think kids are normalizing to electronics. | ||
| And people want to resist that, and they want to say, I don't let my kids use electronics. | ||
| I'm like... | ||
| It's a part of the world. | ||
| I use it. | ||
| It's a part of the world. | ||
| It's not a barrier to being a good person. | ||
| It's not a barrier to living a happy, healthy life. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Just like alcohol is not a barrier. | ||
| For some people it is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Some people have a real fucking problem with social media, and you see a lot of comics, especially the unsuccessful ones, when they start falling apart when they get older, it just exacerbates their mental illness. | ||
| And then it becomes all politics. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| These guys used to talk about farts and getting their dick sucked. | ||
| Now it's all politics. | ||
| And it's all like life hangs on every decision. | ||
| And we're doomed if this takes place. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Doomed! | |
| You know what a comedian dude does that is Kathy Griffin. | ||
| That guy doesn't lie. | ||
| Oh, you know what I mean. | ||
| You just misgendered. | ||
| That guy's unhinged. | ||
| You go on there, it's all day, just some doom and gloom. | ||
| Do you think that that's because that's how they find meaning in an otherwise meaningless existence? | ||
| What is it about people where their entire life becomes completely wrapped around politics to the point where they're tweeting about it literally all day long and saying these things that they think are profound About all kinds of different issues. | ||
| I think it's got to be some sort of virtue signaling. | ||
| Like it's their way to go, look at how good I am. | ||
| It's also a way to show that you're relevant. | ||
| You know, you're talking about the things that people care about right now and you're chiming in and saying the things that need to be said. | ||
| You're being heard. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, there's a lot of like weird, there's a lot of just, they want attention. | ||
| There's a narcissism to a lot of it. | ||
| But then there's also people that are capable of going online and having interesting discussions with people they don't know. | ||
| And if you can manage that, you can actually get a lot out of like Twitter and X and all these different ways. | ||
|
unidentified
|
100%. | |
| You can get a lot out of it. | ||
| You can get a lot. | ||
| But it's so hard to do. | ||
| I know. | ||
| Because it's like you're deciphering smoke signals. | ||
| It's like the person's not even in front of you. | ||
| You're getting these weird interactions with people. | ||
| What does this guy mean by that? | ||
| Is he being shitty? | ||
| Is he just being honest? | ||
| What is this? | ||
| Yeah, it's very tough to translate their... | ||
| It's a sucky way to communicate. | ||
| What are they doing? | ||
| Were they trying to be funny right there? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, it's very tricky. | ||
| Well, I'm very lucky in that I get to talk to so many interesting people. | ||
| So I don't need to have as many interesting conversations online with people. | ||
| Yeah, and also you're a comedian. | ||
| My favorite thing about being a comedian is I get heard a lot. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We get to be heard. | ||
| That helps. | ||
| Even when I'm wrong, I get to be heard. | ||
| You can be wrong and still funny. | ||
| Yeah, that's the beauty of it. | ||
| That was Patrice's whole act. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
100%. | |
| I'm often sometimes wrong and it's just so funny. | ||
| They go, oh yeah, like I like this guy. | ||
| If it's funny, and also this part of being wrong on purpose. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sure. | |
| I say things that I know is wrong on purpose because it's funny. | ||
| It's funny to say. | ||
| You're going for the laugh first. | ||
| Yeah, I'm just trying to be silly. | ||
| I'm trying to be silly. | ||
| That's what I like. | ||
| That's the kind of comedy I like. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So I'm going to do that and you can like it or you don't like it. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| What infuriates me It's when people try to take jokes or talking shit and just conflate it and pretend that it's a statement. | ||
| I know. | ||
| It drives me crazy. | ||
| Do you not have any friends? | ||
| I know. | ||
| Do you not have any friends? | ||
| You don't joke? | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| You don't pretend. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You don't joke around? | |
| You wonder why all these comics want to go to the right. | ||
| It's because freedom of speech is a pretty big deal to us. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Naturally, it's a pretty big deal that we can say whatever we want. | ||
| Because here's the thing. | ||
| Racism is bad. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| But it is kind of funny sometimes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's very funny when it's about white people. | ||
| Sexism is bad, but it's pretty funny sometimes. | ||
| Sometimes! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| If it's well made. | ||
| Yeah, it's funny. | ||
| If it's funny enough. | ||
| A good meme? | ||
| A solid meme? | ||
| Great. | ||
| Love it. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| Things are funny. | ||
| And people go, well, that's racist. | ||
| You go, well, and it's racial, and it's funny, but don't just assume that it's this blanketly bad thing. | ||
| Yeah, it's such a silly... | ||
| Like, it's funny no matter who gets it. | ||
| It's funny if white guys get it. | ||
| It's funny if white women get it. | ||
| It's funny if Indian guys get it. | ||
| Things are funny when people get it. | ||
| When they get them jokes, it's funny. | ||
| And they don't care about the racial stuff when it's like a comic of any other race doing it. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You're like, if you're going to use that same measuring stick, go to the Laugh Factor. | ||
| You could cancel all 12 comedians that are on stage making easy racial remarks. | ||
| But they're like, but he's Persian. | ||
| I know, but it's still a racial remark. | ||
| Especially if you're cracking on white people. | ||
| You could crack on white people as hard as you want right now. | ||
| It's great. | ||
| Which is so vague, too. | ||
| I don't know if this is a smart idea or not, but it's something I always think. | ||
| It's so vague. | ||
| These shitty comics like Hari Kondabulu are like, white people, white people. | ||
| What white people? | ||
| Which ones? | ||
| French? | ||
| Canadian? | ||
| Do Jews count? | ||
| Croatian? | ||
| What a great lump you've done. | ||
| All white? | ||
| You know how many countries that covers? | ||
| And then you go, well, that's why we're saying it, because we don't mean a specific country. | ||
| We're talking about... | ||
| So then that's racist. | ||
| You go, well, white's not a race. | ||
| It's just a color of... | ||
| Well, then how come black is a race? | ||
| Because black would be Haiti. | ||
| It would be tons of parts of Africa. | ||
| You know, so... | ||
| I guess my point is, then it's not racist when I say black, if it's not racist when you say white, because you're over-glomming a big thing. | ||
| Yeah, it's ridiculous. | ||
| Also, how much do white people vary? | ||
| There's so many white people! | ||
| They vary so much! | ||
| It's so vague! | ||
| To just say white men. | ||
| Oh, you must be rich because you're white. | ||
| You're like, do you know how many poor white people there are? | ||
| Go to Kentucky. | ||
| Most of them are poor. | ||
| Yeah, go to where the fucking coal mines are. | ||
| Those coal mining communities where people have just been popping pills since the 80s. | ||
| Meth? | ||
| You've never heard of white trash? | ||
| Like, we dominate the poor community. | ||
| Have you ever seen the wild and wonderful whites of West Virginia? | ||
| Yeah, dude, Jesco White. | ||
| Fucking amazing. | ||
| Those dancing skills? | ||
| Didn't Johnny Knoxville produce that? | ||
| That's how I saw it. | ||
| I don't know if it was Johnny Knoxville, but Jack Hole Productions or whatever it was. | ||
| Yeah, I think Knoxville made that. | ||
| It's fucking incredible. | ||
| Amazing. | ||
| But that's white people, too. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Okay? | ||
| These poor white people, they're just victims of their environment, man. | ||
| They're teaching college kids that, like, if you're a stray white guy, they just hand you suitcases full of money, and that you have no troubles, and the cops don't target you. | ||
| It's like, cops... | ||
| Did you see what Trump said today? | ||
| I'll send this to you, Jamie, because this is wild. | ||
| This is a wild move. | ||
| I'll send this to you, Jamie. | ||
| It is what he said about colleges... | ||
| Oh, I love it. | ||
| ...and DEI endowments. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| I'll send this to you, Jamie. | ||
| He's doing so much crazy shit because he only has one term. | ||
| All the different things that he's said so far about completely banning all of these gender transition clinics for kids, hormone therapies for kids, puberty blockers for kids. | ||
| Stop that. | ||
| And he even called them out for the expression, gender-affirming care. | ||
| That's a crazy... | ||
| Like a literal dystopian euphemism for what you're doing. | ||
| And he said Marxists multiple times. | ||
| And people are going to go, they're not Marxists. | ||
| Do you know BLM self-proclaimed themselves as Marxists? | ||
| So you can find hundreds of times where they say, we are Marxists. | ||
| So before anybody comments, well, they're not really, they've called themselves Marxists. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| I think a lot of people like blanketly support that just because it seems like a smart idea. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Black Lives Matter. | ||
| Of course they do. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's cops that have killed people. | ||
| We've seen it. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's definitely good to support that. | ||
| But then you find out all the other stuff behind it. | ||
| And then you find out that the people that were running it were fucking buying real estate. | ||
| Do a little homework. | ||
| They gave all your money to trans people. | ||
| They didn't help the black community at all. | ||
| Is not only going to tax, but confiscate endowments of every university the Department of Justice finds has engaged in illegal discrimination under the guise of equity, which is basically every university in the country, but is especially true with the Ivy League, which is, if this happens, will die. | ||
| They will crush... | ||
| But this is, you know who suffers the most from this discrimination, from discrimination, is Asian people. | ||
| Do you know why? | ||
| No. | ||
| Because Asian people score so high and they work so hard, they make it more difficult for them to get it. | ||
| They have to have higher grades and they have to have a higher score. | ||
| They score them based on social interactions. | ||
| Which is crazy. | ||
| If you're studying 18 hours a day, like a lot of these Asians do. | ||
| I'm going to win. | ||
| Yeah, well, it's their culture. | ||
| Their culture is this, like, nose to the grindstone, hard work, disciplined culture. | ||
| I had a buddy of mine... | ||
| And no one in America is mad at them for succeeding. | ||
| We encourage it. | ||
| It's good. | ||
| I had a buddy of mine that was a national Taekwondo champion while he was going through his medical residency. | ||
| He was Korean, and no matter what he did, this guy won the Nationals. | ||
| He was the National Taekwondo Champion. | ||
| And he wasn't, like, talented either. | ||
| It wasn't like he was like... | ||
| Hard work. | ||
| It was 100% hard work. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And this fucking guy, like, would work all day long at school and then put his books in his backpack and walk up stairs to get a workout in. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| He would just do flights of stairs over and over again while he was at school, because he had to do something, and then go back to school. | ||
| Won the fucking Nationals like that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And that's beautiful. | ||
| It's this kind of crazy work ethic that some Asian households instill in their children, and it's tough to compete with them. | ||
| So what they've done is they've—there's been lawsuits about it. | ||
| I believe Harvard was sued, right? | ||
| Was Harvard sued that they were discriminating against Asian Americans? | ||
| So they have, like, ways that what they're saying is—what they were complaining was that there's ways that they have that Like, accentuate certain attributes that let you get in, like social things that you do, different things that you do, that give you extra points. | ||
| They felt like it was designed just to keep less Asian people in. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| To push some of them out, because so many of them were getting in there and dominating. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Dominating. | ||
| Yeah, but that's great. | ||
| Yes! | ||
| Well, listen man, if you come from a hard-working household and you develop that work ethic, you might not be happy. | ||
| That's part of the problem. | ||
| Yeah, well, I like that they complain about their tiger moms and you're like, dude, they made you successful. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| You gotta figure out how to be happy. | ||
| Right, that's up for you to do. | ||
| This is it, the lawsuit, a threat to... | ||
| What happened? | ||
| An organization created by anti-race conscious admissions activist Edward Blum citing itself students for fair admissions sued Harvard alleging that the university discriminates against Asian Americans and seeking to prevent Harvard College and other colleges and universities from using a wide-ranging and thorough admissions process that considers the whole person. | ||
| Love that. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| So that's interesting, though, because on paper, that sounds like a good thing. | ||
| A wide-ranging and thorough admissions process that considers the whole person. | ||
| If you want to educate a child, you want a kid to go from being a young teenager to being an adult, and you're educating them, there is a social aspect to it. | ||
| You don't want to develop complete sociopaths that just go to work. | ||
| But you can't also stop that option. | ||
| People want a quality of outcome. | ||
| It's a very important point. | ||
| But there's not a quality of effort. | ||
| There just isn't. | ||
| And in the mad dog race of life, you're occasionally going to get a Michael Jordan. | ||
| You're going to get a guy who works harder than everybody, and he's gifted, and he's going to exceed. | ||
| He's going to pass you all. | ||
| And there's nothing you can do about it. | ||
| Nothing you can do about Mike Tyson when he was 22 years old. | ||
| Get the fuck out of the way. | ||
| Pick up tennis. | ||
| He's gonna kill you. | ||
| He's gonna kill you. | ||
| You wanna be number two, maybe? | ||
| If you wanna be number two, you're eventually gonna get to have fight number one, and that's not gonna be a lot of fun. | ||
| The world's not fair, right? | ||
| And that guy, when you saw the way he trained when he was a young man, he trained like a person possessed. | ||
| He lived and watched film all day. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He was obsessed with fighting. | ||
| That's all he had. | ||
| And talented and gifted. | ||
| So if you have those things all together, the world is not fair. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you can't make it fair with laws, and you can't make it fair with rules, and it doesn't make you any better to suppress someone in some sort of a way. | ||
| By diminishing their success. | ||
| And that includes someone who's a fucking complete psychopath who studies 18 hours a day and dominates and starts a business when they're 19 and becomes a billionaire by the time they're 26 and then all of a sudden buys Twitter from Elon Musk. | ||
| You can't stop that. | ||
| Ask one of these crazy people who doesn't understand these kind of things or has never even thought of it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Say, oh, you know, I noticed you're watching the WNBA game. | ||
| Do you think it's unfair that Brittany Griner makes more than her teammates? | ||
| And they'll go, no, she's the best. | ||
| Right. | ||
| That's the thing. | ||
| Just like anyone else that's the best. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Makes more money. | ||
| How can you understand that Brittney Griner makes more than her teammates, but you can't understand that the NBA generates more money and is better, makes more than the WNBA? How can you in-brain? | ||
| Well, what people get scared of is the amount of control and power that you have with that kind of money. | ||
| And then some people want to make decisions for all of us. | ||
| Like Bill Gates. | ||
| Like one of the wackiest ones, he's talking about blocking the sun, putting particles in the sky to block the sun to cool the earth. | ||
| Hey, fuckhead, there's a whole lot of people on earth. | ||
| You don't get to say for all of us. | ||
| You don't get to talk for all of us just because you have a hundred billion dollars. | ||
| That's crazy talk. | ||
| That's what people are scared of. | ||
| What people are scared of is that when you really do have ultimate money and ultimate power, With most people, there's this desire to control people. | ||
| It's part of the gig. | ||
| And some of them, when they decide they don't want to go into politics, they start influencing things behind the scenes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Lobby. | |
| They start donating. | ||
| They have funds. | ||
| They have a giant fund in their fund. | ||
| It donates to all these different organizations, and in Bill Gates' case, it prevented them from criticizing him, because the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation, they donate all this money to these media corporations and all these companies. | ||
| Look at all the money we've given you to help global health and whatever the fuck it is. | ||
| But what it really does is it buys off people from criticizing you. | ||
| And then you start doing wild shit, like telling everybody they should eat plant-based food and fucking buy all the farmland. | ||
| Whatever they want you to do, yeah. | ||
| You start controlling people. | ||
| It's like people like to pull strings on people. | ||
| The George Soroses of the world. | ||
| This scares me so much. | ||
| Get DAs elected and then put an even more progressive DA to go in after him and see if he can fuck with things by letting people out of jail and defunding the cops. | ||
| It's like they're playing these weird Monopoly games with the whole world. | ||
| You know where you saw it? | ||
| A great example was when Barack Obama got into office, Michelle Obama's whole thing was nutrition. | ||
| That was what she was going to really work on. | ||
| And dude, it was almost like after two weeks, someone brought her in the bag and was like, listen, bitch. | ||
| We hear what you're saying about the food industry. | ||
| I don't know if you know how much bread we're putting in your husband's pockets. | ||
| And then she immediately was like, maybe fitness. | ||
| Maybe your kids could run around 10 minutes a day. | ||
| How about that? | ||
| Is that better? | ||
| She gave up the food stuff? | ||
| Gave up the food stuff. | ||
| It just was immediately... | ||
|
unidentified
|
What is that, Jamie? | |
| Is that the same thing? | ||
| No, I didn't have it muted. | ||
| I wasn't supposed to play it. | ||
| Oh, sorry. | ||
| But then it was like all of it, all the focus went towards, hey, just 10 minutes a day, have your kids go outside and play. | ||
| It was all the food stuff gone. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Yeah, and you realize, oh, there are other things. | ||
| You know, there's like all these other things that are at play. | ||
| It's not just other things. | ||
| It's... | ||
| Billions and billions of dollars. | ||
| When you're that far ahead of the game, you know, if you're playing a game and you cannot beat the game, there's no way to beat it. | ||
| You're on level one. | ||
| There's a million levels. | ||
| The people that have been playing it, that you're playing against, they've been playing for 30 years. | ||
| They have all the armor. | ||
| They've got all the magic spells. | ||
| You're not going to win that game. | ||
| And that is what people are really scared about with people who have a lot of money, is that they don't just have a boat, they don't just have a house, but then they start influencing what people can and can't do. | ||
| Then they start funding studies to talk about particular types of energy, because they've got an enormous amount of money invested in this green renewable energy or whatever it is. | ||
| But what it really is, is money. | ||
| Ever doing anything for you. | ||
| Ever. | ||
| Whether it's climate change or whatever the fuck, whether it's energy, it's always money. | ||
| And they'll flavor it. | ||
| It's for you. | ||
| It's for us. | ||
| We have to worry about the environment. | ||
| Didn't Al Gore become the first guy to make a billion dollars off of climate change? | ||
| I know he's definitely the face of it for a long time. | ||
| I read that, that Al Gore, it could be bullshit, but I read that Al Gore was the first climate change billionaire. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Interesting. | |
| And the things that he invested in that movie that he put out that scared the fuck out of me. | ||
| Oh yeah, we're all like, we gotta do something. | ||
| By the way, not a single thing, not a single thing was accurate, not even close. | ||
| Not Might as well have been made by Michael Moore. | ||
| Michael Moore is more accurate. | ||
| He was, at least back in the day. | ||
| You watched Roger and Me. | ||
| Michael Moore in the early days made some great films. | ||
| Well, I think a lot of it was just bullcrap. | ||
| Well, not the first one. | ||
| Not Roger and Me. | ||
| Remember when he did a scene where these kids go into a bank and they buy a gun over the counter from the bank, and I was like... | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Yeah, it was his gun one, Bowling for Columbine or whatever. | ||
| And I remember seeing that scene as, like, I worked at Hollywood Video at the time, and I was like, this is terrifying. | ||
| We've got to get rid of these guns. | ||
| And then I looked into it years later when the internet kind of grew, and I was like, oh, that's a total bullshit. | ||
| It was like a made-up scene. | ||
| Oh, so you just made up a scene? | ||
| Yeah, which, that's why we weren't even allowed at Hollywood Video to keep Michael Moore's movies in the documentary section. | ||
| We weren't even allowed to keep it in that section. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Because it's not counted as a documentary. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| Oh, see, it didn't used to be like that. | ||
| I gotta be honest, I don't think I watched Bowling for Columbine. | ||
| I might have. | ||
| It was so long ago. | ||
| But I do remember Roger and me being very impactful, because it was about the auto industry moving out of Flint, Michigan. | ||
| Oh, yeah, yeah. | ||
| And about how the town collapsed. | ||
| It happens in Pittsburgh. | ||
| I was just in Pittsburgh, and you see all these abandoned warehouses where Americans used to work. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you go, oh, wasn't it better? | ||
| With Chinese slaves making you $300 sneakers? | ||
| No, it's not better. | ||
| It's not better at all. | ||
| It's not better for anybody. | ||
| It's crazy what they did, and they just did it for money. | ||
| They did it for money. | ||
| They shipped things overseas because they can get people to work for nothing, which is so crazy. | ||
| I know. | ||
| You can't do it here, but you do it there. | ||
| I was talking to this person who ran a plant in Mexico. | ||
| We were getting a little tipsy. | ||
| And I didn't like that they were justifying this procedure of doing that. | ||
| And they were trying to tell me that these people would starve to death if it wasn't for that plant. | ||
| I go, those people have been there for thousands of years. | ||
| I go, and you know why they don't have any money? | ||
| Probably because we bribed their government, and we gave them loans they couldn't pay off, and then we took all their resources, and then we moved plants over there. | ||
| The pollution of the plants is just insane, too. | ||
| They live in fog-filled cities. | ||
| We can go back to the entire areas run by the cartel because we have drugs illegal in this country unless they're prescribed. | ||
| And then you have the Sackler family that makes billions of dollars. | ||
| No one's worried about that slavery. | ||
| Nobody's worried about that slavery. | ||
| Everyone wants to talk about slavery that we abolished in this country. | ||
| Everyone wants to talk about that slavery. | ||
| But not a slave that made your phone. | ||
| But not the current slavery that made this. | ||
| Or my shoes. | ||
| Or all the things you wear. | ||
| Or how about the sex trafficking? | ||
| How about the women that are slaves right now? | ||
| Well, how about the amount of them that have probably been smuggled across the border? | ||
| We don't even know what those numbers are. | ||
| If I put together enough money, right? | ||
| I'm not super rich, but I've got some money. | ||
| If I put together, like my life mission was to fix that, they'd just kill me in a month. | ||
| You have no chance. | ||
| What are you doing, dude? | ||
| Tell jokes and talk about baseball. | ||
| Why are you trying to help in something that matters? | ||
| Yeah, imagine trying to shut down the cartel and you live in a normal house. | ||
| I'd make it a week. | ||
| We wouldn't let you go, what happened to Jeff? | ||
| That's a billion dollar a month business. | ||
| What the fuck are you talking about? | ||
| They're not going to let you get away with that. | ||
| They're going to kill you. | ||
| They kill everybody. | ||
| Why wouldn't they kill you? | ||
| So you've got all these problems. | ||
| And then, you know, shipping things, shipping these factories to these other places, it doesn't keep people from starving to death. | ||
| It's just we were doing an unethical thing. | ||
| Like, you can't do it on this patch of dirt. | ||
| But if you just move it to that patch of dirt, now you can do unethical things. | ||
| Now it's fine. | ||
| This is crazy. | ||
| What is this, a casino cruise ship? | ||
| Not only that, like, now that we know. | ||
| So they did that back then when there was no internet. | ||
| You know, you sneak it across the board. | ||
| Nobody, I'm still buying. | ||
| Look, my car is $5 cheaper! | ||
| And you don't care! | ||
| And so everybody, you hear some stories about Michigan. | ||
| If you don't live there, eh, whatever. | ||
| I'm over here in LA. I don't give a fuck. | ||
| I got a nice car. | ||
| But your car's made in Mexico. | ||
| And it's like we don't even realize what the impact of that was. | ||
| But now that we have the internet, now you can see it. | ||
| And we still do it. | ||
| It's like it's grandfathered in that you buy your phone from a company that uses slaves. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| And the factories literally have nets around them to keep people from jumping off. | ||
| And we're like, okay. | ||
| And also, I'm not pretending I'm better than anyone else, right? | ||
| I promise that. | ||
| But I don't yammer on on my social media about slavery all day. | ||
| I'm aware that I'm in this system or this network. | ||
| It's just so hypocritical when I hear, like, LeBron talk about slavery that happened in our country over a hundred years ago while he's dripping in Nike. | ||
| How dumb can you be to pretend to care about slavery while you're making, what, a billion or something from Nike? | ||
| Don't you think that if you're a person that is in mainstream world acceptance, whether a sports star or any kind of media personality, there's certain things you feel obligated to call out and to talk about. | ||
| I would think so. | ||
| I only know how I would behave. | ||
| I just think there's honest money and then there's dishonest money. | ||
| And I've never had the stomach for... | ||
| You mean like the money they paid the people to endorse Kamala Harris? | ||
| Oh yeah, that's pretty dishonest money right there. | ||
| That's so wild! | ||
| Cardi B, Beyonce. | ||
| Did you Did you know that was even legal? | ||
| You fucking fools. | ||
| Did you know that was even legal? | ||
| It shouldn't be legal. | ||
| The view keeps yammering about how Elon Musk shouldn't be allowed. | ||
| You know, I saw a video yesterday about you. | ||
| Oh, the Joe Rogans of the world are influencing... | ||
| Oh, that's that feminist guy? | ||
| Yeah, and like, they're so mad. | ||
| He tried to say that there's this multi-billion dollar right-wing ecosystem that's been developed just like a terrorist network that radicalizes young people? | ||
| Like, what, by talking to scientists? | ||
| By telling them to be good guys? | ||
| To tell them to be honorable to their partner? | ||
| Radicalizes! | ||
| That's not radical! | ||
| Radicalizes! | ||
| Also, let me ask you, on air, for this podcast, how much money did Donald Trump give you to endorse him? | ||
| A hundred million dollars. | ||
| No, he didn't. | ||
| No, he gave me nothing. | ||
| Gave you zero, Joe. | ||
| He gave me nothing. | ||
| He gave you zero because you thought, I think that this is what's best for the country, given the two options. | ||
| I knew the resistance that it would face, but I think it's true. | ||
| How much did Beyonce get? | ||
| She got ten million dollars. | ||
| Ten million! | ||
| But, hold on. | ||
| She talked for like three minutes. | ||
| That's good. | ||
| What do you mean that's good? | ||
| I mean, that's enough. | ||
| That's too much. | ||
| No, no, it's plenty. | ||
| It's perfect. | ||
| 10 million! | ||
| It's a good deal. | ||
| It's a good deal, the taxpayer's money. | ||
| I mean, it's a good deal, all these people that are, like, donating money to the Democratic Party, and they're 20 million dollars in debt. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It went to Beyonce! | |
| You mutants! | ||
| They spent a billion dollars. | ||
| They're 20 million dollars in debt, and Trump offered to pay their debt. | ||
| He's like, we have a lot of money left over, because most of our media- We want too good. | ||
| He called it earned media. | ||
| I had to look it up. | ||
| So earned media is essentially whenever he's in the news. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Or when he's getting interviewed on shows or on podcasts. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That's earned media. | ||
| And that's what he did. | ||
| Well, I just love... | ||
| People go, why are you getting so passionate about this, Jeff? | ||
| It's like it's right in front of your eyes. | ||
| Right. | ||
| If you have to pay someone $10 million to endorse A, but then B is doing it for free because they believe in that idea, which one seems more nefarious? | ||
| Bro, Eminem took 1.8. | ||
| 1.8? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Is that real? | |
| How do we know that's true? | ||
| Because I said it. | ||
| I have not found any evidence that supports this stuff. | ||
| I think it's all legit. | ||
| Some of them being asked and said I was not paid. | ||
| But wait a minute. | ||
| Oprah was paid. | ||
| There was an FEC thing. | ||
| Her company was paid to host an event. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| They paid her company a million dollars, dude. | ||
| I'm just saying. | ||
| I don't know what happened and where they hosted it and how many people were involved. | ||
| She was not paid. | ||
| Her company was paid. | ||
| A million dollars? | ||
| What did she do that hosted an event? | ||
| Did she put together an event? | ||
| Like cater an event? | ||
| Campaign finance. | ||
| I'll try to put it on the screen. | ||
| Show that they paid Harpo Productions for event production. | ||
| It was paid for post-live streaming event. | ||
| Uh-huh. | ||
| Which I don't know how much that costs. | ||
| Production costs of a live stream event. | ||
| That could be money. | ||
| So she was not paid a personal fee for the event. | ||
| She said I was paid nothing. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But she didn't donate her company to do this. | ||
| She got paid for it. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| So this is where I got it. | ||
| So she got a gig is essentially what it is. | ||
| She got a million dollar gig. | ||
| Five million to Megan Thee Stallion, three million to Lizzo, 1.8 for Eminem. | ||
| I know that's in this article, but it doesn't show like where... | ||
| And one million for Oprah. | ||
| That could be made up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| This is an Instagram list. | ||
| Well, I didn't make it up, but that's what I read. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I love it. | |
| I want it to be real. | ||
| Okay, yeah, no problem. | ||
| I want it to be real. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, it makes me believe in our Earth better if they didn't. | ||
| If they just did it for free. | ||
| It makes me believe in the Earth better if they did it. | ||
| Because I don't want to think that Eminem really believed that shit. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| It's always naughty people that do this. | ||
| I wouldn't think you went out there for 1.8. | ||
| There's no federal records showing campaign payments to Eminem or Megan Thee Stallion. | ||
| So, when it says mostly false, where did that rumor emanate from? | ||
| Someone put it on Instagram and people run wild with it because it sounds fun. | ||
| Damn. | ||
| I thought it was fun. | ||
| Yeah, it is fun. | ||
| If I'm wrong, I'm willing to, you know. | ||
| I read it and my blood boiled. | ||
| I was like, what is going on? | ||
| The Beyonce one is crazy. | ||
| There's no evidence that it's true. | ||
| It might be true. | ||
| Doesn't mean it's not. | ||
| Just no current evidence as of today. | ||
| Mostly false, but this is PolitiFact. | ||
| Yeah, it could be a rumor that got spread. | ||
| PolitiFact is sketch. | ||
| Well, if it's not true, then it's not true. | ||
| But, let me tell you, if it is true, that's crazy. | ||
| Is that legal? | ||
| Is it legal to pay Beyoncé $10 million to talk at a political rally? | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| There's all these little companies. | ||
| Why would they pay her that much? | ||
| That seems crazy. | ||
| That does seem crazy. | ||
| Desperate times. | ||
| Yeah, but she doesn't need the money. | ||
| No, I'm saying desperate times for the campaign trail. | ||
| And then they go, I was going to endorse her anyways. | ||
| I'll just do it for a little fee. | ||
| My time is worth money. | ||
| My private plane costs money. | ||
| Can you cover that? | ||
| Well, it seems suspicious. | ||
| Because when someone's got that kind of money, to do something that people are going to look down upon if they find out if it's true, that's what makes me skeptical. | ||
| Because someone who has that kind of money, for her, $10 million, it sounds crazy to say this, but I believe that for Beyoncé and Jay-Z, $10 million is not noticeable. | ||
| It's not going to change their life at all. | ||
| They won't change their life, but you still notice. | ||
| I think they're billionaires, dude. | ||
| Beyonce's got almost a billion dollars. | ||
| Yeah, I think he has a billion as well. | ||
| I don't think they're gonna notice. | ||
| So that's like not gonna change your lifestyle. | ||
| But it could get you out of your house to go do a thing that puts you in the news. | ||
| Is that what she wants? | ||
| Well, think about the Super Bowl. | ||
| All those people that perform in the Super Bowl halftime get paid zero dollars. | ||
| Right, but it's a tremendous advertisement. | ||
| Because they do it. | ||
| But they perform. | ||
| She wasn't even performing. | ||
| She was just talking. | ||
| I mean, maybe 10 million bucks is 10 million bucks. | ||
| You can't help it, even if you've got 2 billion dollars in the bank. | ||
| But part of me is like, maybe I'm just looking at how I would look at it. | ||
| Like, I wouldn't do shit. | ||
| Well, I always think, and this may be my naivety to rich people, is that they don't have to be bought anymore because they're rich. | ||
| Like, you'd think that. | ||
| That's how I think about it. | ||
| It's easier to do things against my moral compass when I was broke. | ||
| You'd say, Jeff, we'll give you $500, go steal this thing. | ||
| Cause I'd be like, you know, I need 500 bucks. | ||
| Whereas like now I can be a little more generous with my money. | ||
| I can be a little more ethical because I'm, I'm in a place where I don't have to worry about the $500 isn't worth breaking some ethical code for me, right? | ||
| But money isn't your existence. | ||
| For some people, money is just some score of how well they're doing in life. | ||
| And they get addicted to numbers. | ||
| They get addicted to this idea of constantly. | ||
| And they compare themselves to all the other people. | ||
| This is from Fox News. | ||
| They have Washington Examiner reporting that money was spent in ways, I guess you could argue, maybe... | ||
| Well, they spent six figures building the set for Caller Daddy, but that seems... | ||
| People are saying that's outrageous, but that's not that outrageous. | ||
| $100,000, you build a set, you have to lease a building, you have to bring in cameras and all that shit. | ||
| I could see that being $100,000. | ||
| Campaign spent at least $15 million on event production, FEC record show, With many payments lining up with high-profile events and concerts with celebrity attendees or performers. | ||
| And that's how you do it. | ||
| Because it's a performance. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So you pay them for performing. | ||
| So you can pay them to perform. | ||
| That's the difference. | ||
| That's the difference. | ||
| The truth is, just an epic disaster. | ||
| This is a $1 billion disaster. | ||
| Lindy Lee, Harris surrogate, and DNC National Finance Committee member told Fox& Friends Weekend on Saturday... | ||
| So they did. | ||
| They definitely spent a lot of money. | ||
| Harris campaign cut multiple six-figure paychecks in September for left-leaning groups that have been vocal about defunding the police, reparations that are tied to radical activists who have supported notorious anti-Semite Louis Farrakhan, Fox News digitally, previously reported. | ||
| That's wild. | ||
| So they cut checks to left-leaning groups. | ||
| So they spend money to get people to talk about things. | ||
| They give it to the groups. | ||
| The groups pay the performers and the people that speak. | ||
| Also, the groups, you're paying them to be vocal. | ||
| By saying, cut multiple six-figure checks, you're funding these people to go out and do these things. | ||
| The FEC filings also spent north of $56 million on payroll and payroll taxes in just three months. | ||
| Yeah, that's crazy. | ||
| That payroll is is your performers. | ||
| Finally also show the campaign gave in excess of a hundred million dollars to various consulting and marketing firms, including Gambit Strategies LLC, DuPont Circle Strategies LLC, and Bully Pulpit Interactive LLC. That is so crazy. | ||
| They gave those folks a hundred million dollars. | ||
| Yeah, so like $1 million to Eminem could have been lost in there, but I'm just saying that you have to find the evidence to blame him. | ||
| Well, I think with a guy like Eminem, too, he doesn't like performing. | ||
| He has agoraphobia. | ||
| He doesn't like leaving the house, which is crazy. | ||
| I saw him. | ||
| He killed it. | ||
| I saw him over here at the racetrack. | ||
| He played at Coda. | ||
| Yeah, it was awesome. | ||
| It was like 100,000 people were there. | ||
| Because it was... | ||
| I don't know what the real number is. | ||
| I might have made that up. | ||
| But a lot of people. | ||
| A lot of people. | ||
| Because it was there. | ||
| People were there for Formula One. | ||
| And they have this enormous place. | ||
| Like, I saw the Stones there. | ||
| And I think it was... | ||
| I mean, how many people's code a seat? | ||
| I mean, it had to be 80,000 people. | ||
| It's one of the biggest crowds I've ever seen. | ||
| It was insane. | ||
| This F1 starts taking off. | ||
| But I saw Eminem there. | ||
| He was great. | ||
| But he performed so rarely. | ||
| My buddy was at an F1 thing recently. | ||
| And, like, at one of the concerts that was performing afterwards or something. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Or... | |
| Maybe it was just F1. I don't know. | ||
| Maybe there wasn't a concert. | ||
| Whatever it was, Michael Jordan was just hanging out. | ||
| Michael Jordan had a hat on, a hood on. | ||
| He had the things over his ears from the noise of the car. | ||
| And my buddy's like, hey man. | ||
| And then Jordan took a selfie with him, chatted him up for a few minutes. | ||
| And I was like, that's how popular it's getting. | ||
| You said the Eminem was performing at an F1 thing? | ||
| Yeah, he performed. | ||
| They had the races, and then one night he performed. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| I think he performed Sunday night or Saturday night. | ||
| I just saw Post Malone there, too. | ||
| He was just there two weeks ago doing his country show. | ||
| Yeah, I love that. | ||
| It's great. | ||
| I love that dude to death. | ||
| Post's the best. | ||
| He's so much fun. | ||
| He's such a fun dude, too. | ||
| Just fun to hang out with him, too. | ||
| Get to see him and give him a hug. | ||
| 100,000. | ||
| Nice. | ||
| 100,000 people. | ||
| 100,000. | ||
| So it was just a fucking insane huge crowd. | ||
| He killed it, too. | ||
| I love that. | ||
| But he doesn't like to do shows. | ||
| So to get him out there for a political event, you gotta come with the cheddar. | ||
| Yeah, you better pay the guy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You gotta come with the cheddar. | |
| Especially if he doesn't do a lot of shows a year. | ||
| 1.8 will go a long way. | ||
| Guy lives in Detroit. | ||
| Pretty easy. | ||
| The price of living there is not that steep. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know? | ||
| I also think that people care about money, you know? | ||
| Yeah, well, especially if you're a person who thinks about money all the time. | ||
| That's what I was saying about, like, I know rich dudes. | ||
| I know dudes who are billionaires, who get uncomfortable when they're around 100 billionaires, because they feel like losers. | ||
| That's wild. | ||
| It's hilarious. | ||
| It breaks my brain. | ||
| It's like when you showed me all the planets in a row, and I was going, oh, like, that's what you just did with money. | ||
| There's always layers to it. | ||
| Like, I'm pretty wealthy, but I'm very poor compared to my friend Elon. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, I'm a pauper. | ||
| I'm like a dude living in a shitty studio apartment compared to that guy. | ||
| Like, that's what it's like. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| Like, there's, like, crazy levels to it. | ||
| But also, he works in a way I am not willing to do. | ||
| He doesn't sleep. | ||
| That's one thing people don't talk about these really... | ||
| Even Bill Gates, whether you agree with him or not, like, the dude was willing to, like, sleep like a fish, where he'd take, like, he'd sleep for, like, 15 minutes and wake up and program again. | ||
| Like, he worked really hard to become Bill Gates. | ||
| Oh yeah, there's no doubt. | ||
| And without Microsoft, who knows where we'd be without the Windows operating system. | ||
| It was fucking everywhere. | ||
| It was everything. | ||
| He's also cured like 500 things. | ||
| These small little non-profits will say, there's this disease called this. | ||
| You go, how much do you need? | ||
| They go, a million bucks, we think, maybe? | ||
| He just gives them the money, and then they close. | ||
| They go, what are we going to work on now? | ||
| He cured it. | ||
| Really? | ||
| You sure about that? | ||
| Well, that's what I've... | ||
| Is this another one of these ones I got wrong? | ||
| Yeah, it might be one of these ones. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's a thing called Philanthrocapitalism, okay? | ||
| Philanthrocapitalism is you're acting like a philanthropist, but you're making a lot of money through this. | ||
| Like, he invested a lot of money in the mRNA vaccines, and that's why he was promoting it. | ||
| He made like $500 million. | ||
| Sure, sure. | ||
| And then after he dumped his stock, he started talking shit about it. | ||
| It wasn't really that good. | ||
| The virus wasn't that dangerous. | ||
| Like, what? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Where was this guy? | ||
| Well, but I'm saying like all these... | ||
| I don't know how to look up if he's cured any diseases or anything. | ||
| I don't know how you'd look that up. | ||
| Is there a way to look that up? | ||
| They've invested in efforts to develop cures for diseases. | ||
| For sure. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Including sickle cell HIV. But they didn't fix it. | |
| No, no. | ||
| The only one I know that's close, I think, is sickle cell, but I think didn't they just pull back... | ||
| We would have heard about that if they cured sickle cell. | ||
| You know where sickle cell came from? | ||
| I thought that he cured all these small ones. | ||
| You know where sickle cell came from? | ||
| No. | ||
| It came from resistance to malaria. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Isn't that crazy? | ||
| Yeah, the people that experience malaria that's tracked down in their genes and they pass it on to their ancestors. | ||
| That's where sickle cell... | ||
| I had a buddy of mine who died from sickle cell. | ||
| When I was a kid, a guy I used to do Taekwondo with, a dude named Walter. | ||
| He was an awesomely talented guy. | ||
| But he would get real sick, man. | ||
| He just couldn't train, couldn't come in for months. | ||
| Yeah, there was a new drug that came out this year, I think, that they thought was going to be ending it, but they had to quickly pull it off. | ||
| Brought to you by Pfizer? | ||
| Of course. | ||
| Some people died. | ||
| They died from it? | ||
| Anticipated number, higher than an anticipated number of deaths reported in trials. | ||
| Indicating that the benefits of the drug no longer outweighed the risks. | ||
| So it kills people quicker than sickle cells. | ||
| I guess that's a solution of sorts. | ||
| There's been so many of those drugs. | ||
| You know 33%? | ||
| Is that what it is? | ||
| 30-something percent of all drugs the FDA approves get pulled. | ||
| Like, whoopsies! | ||
| What's the matter? | ||
| You ever heard that book? | ||
| I think it's called like 19... | ||
| I don't know the name of the book. | ||
| It's named after a year. | ||
| 1984? | ||
| I think it's... | ||
| Not the George Orwell book. | ||
| No, not George Orwell. | ||
| It's called... | ||
| That would be ridiculous. | ||
| Gosh, it's a... | ||
| What's it about? | ||
| I'm trying to look in my audible for this book. | ||
| But basically the premise is this guy cures cancer. | ||
| Why don't you just search and type in the number 19? | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| But it might be called 2020 or something. | ||
| Oh, you don't remember? | ||
| No, I listen to a lot of books. | ||
| What's it called here? | ||
| I'll find it. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| But the premise is this guy cures cancer, and at first everyone's great. | ||
| He becomes the richest guy in the world. | ||
| Everyone's happy that he cured cancer. | ||
| But then people start to resent him because they're like, you know, I should have already had my inheritance by now. | ||
| This guy's playing God, keeping my parents alive longer than they should. | ||
| It becomes like these ideas of like, no, he's wrong for doing this. | ||
| He's affected society. | ||
| Like, there's no real estate being freed up as quick now. | ||
| People should just die however they die naturally. | ||
| And it's a fun little... | ||
| Yeah, it's obviously not real or nothing, but it was an interesting kind of way to look at things. | ||
| Well, that's a sociopath's way of looking at things. | ||
| Imagine that. | ||
| Like, what you're thinking is, if someone dies, I get their stuff. | ||
| Why don't they just die? | ||
| It's disgusting. | ||
| But I could see how groups would start to think that. | ||
| You know, like, that's how, like, life is. | ||
| You do a good idea. | ||
| Look at the systems that we put in place, like, back in the day. | ||
| And now everyone looks like, that was just their way to trap people in the projects. | ||
| You're like, at first it was, like, a really nice idea. | ||
| Like, they wanted to give people that couldn't afford places in the city. | ||
| But it's all been... | ||
| That's how people react to that one dude who's trying to live to be 2,000 years old. | ||
| That one guy who gets young guy's blood injected in his body. | ||
| Oh yeah, just do anything. | ||
| I've seen so many people mad at him. | ||
| If everybody lived 500 years, the whole world would be overcrowded. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But everyone's not trying to do it. | ||
| Also, if I could give you a pill and you would be healthy, just take this one pill, you'd be healthy for 150 years. | ||
| You're not going to take it? | ||
| Shut the fuck up. | ||
| It's called 2030 by Albert Brooks. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| 2030. This is interesting. | ||
| Good book? | ||
| Yeah, because you start to see how over time people just misconstrue things. | ||
| Enough time goes by. | ||
| People are willing to do all sorts of mental gymnastics. | ||
| I mean, that's how this whole gender-affirming care thing got through. | ||
| We would never let kids get tattoos. | ||
| We're letting them get their dicks chopped off. | ||
| Says who? | ||
| Like, why? | ||
| What, 30 years ago, if you said that we'd be debating or even having to have a conversation that's controversial about whether a guy can be a woman, they would laugh in the streets at us, you know? | ||
| And now it's real. | ||
| So that's kind of how the book does a really good job of describing, like, they would just resent that guy after a while. | ||
| They would hate him for curing cancer. | ||
| Some people would. | ||
| There's always going to be weak bitches in this world. | ||
| And they exist. | ||
| Just like you're talking about your parents, I don't want to be like that. | ||
| That's what weak bitches are there for. | ||
| They're weak behavior, jealous behavior. | ||
| You learn from it. | ||
| And you go, oh, okay. | ||
| I see what that guy's doing. | ||
| I don't ever want to be like that guy. | ||
| I feel like that with a ton of people in my life right now. | ||
| Hell yeah. | ||
| You're going to always. | ||
| They're there. | ||
| They're always going to be there. | ||
| There's some people that just, they're not going to keep up. | ||
| And you can't keep them in your life either. | ||
| You just can't. | ||
| You gotta keep moving. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Some people are never gonna run out of problems, and they're never gonna run out of friends to throw those problems at. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I was telling you this earlier, but, like, the day after the election, like, I, like, woke up. | ||
| I was with my buddies. | ||
| I was just sitting there, and I was about to open up my phone for the first time since Trump wins the election. | ||
| I just took a deep breath. | ||
| I was like... | ||
| I'm gonna lose a lot of friends today. | ||
| I was about to post some shit and just like, I was so... | ||
| You're not losing friends, though. | ||
| You're losing friends that weren't really your friends. | ||
| They were friends with conditions. | ||
| You know, Ron White is a giant Kamala Harris supporter, believe it or not. | ||
| Ron White always votes blue. | ||
| He's one of them low information voters. | ||
| Like, you start giving him facts, he falls apart. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But he'll fucking tell you, that guy shouldn't be the fucking president. | |
| He's like, that's a good president. | ||
| I love him to death. | ||
| He's one of my best friends. | ||
| I don't care. | ||
| That's how things should work. | ||
| That's how it's supposed to work. | ||
|
unidentified
|
100%. | |
| He has different political ideas. | ||
| He has different ways of thinking about things. | ||
| That's fine. | ||
| It's broke my heart that a lot of people have treated me the way. | ||
| Because I feel like people were fine with conservative JF. They knew that I'm a Christian and that I lean right. | ||
| And especially now, lean even more right. | ||
| And then... | ||
| But they didn't really draw a line until I became supportive of Donald Trump. | ||
| That's when they drew a line and they go, we don't want to talk to you anymore. | ||
| And that broke my heart. | ||
| I don't think I moved right at all. | ||
| I stayed. | ||
| But the whole thing moved. | ||
| That's what I'm saying. | ||
| I haven't changed many of my thoughts. | ||
| It's just that it's gone. | ||
| What was a Democrat is now Republican. | ||
| There's a few of my thoughts that I used to be all in on, and now I'm like, hmm. | ||
| And this is just about human psychology. | ||
| I was all in on universal basic income, which I think is going to be necessary in the future, because I think automation. | ||
| There's something Andrew Yang talked about when he was running for president. | ||
| I think he's correct. | ||
| That automation and AI is going to just consume, especially AI, it's going to consume so many jobs. | ||
| There's going to be so many people that have to rethink their life and figure it out. | ||
| And I think if we don't compensate those people somehow or another, we're going to have a real fucking chaotic problem on our hands. | ||
| Just to keep people happy and healthy, I think universal basic income might be the way to go. | ||
| But I used to always think like, hey, maybe if we gave universal basic income to people, then, you know, they would still be ambitious, but they'd be ambitious in like pursuing their own career or developing their own business or, you know, taking that money and using it to be free. | ||
| But now I think that human nature, if you give people, there's so many people that if you don't give them a difficult problem to solve, and if you provide them with all their needs, their food and their shelter, they just aren't. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| Which is what you don't like. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So there's two things going on simultaneously. | ||
| One, we have to address the fact that there is no way to get around the fact that automation and AI is going to consume a lot of jobs, and I think universal basic income is probably the only solution for some of those people. | ||
| But then there's also the psychology aspect of it. | ||
| Like, if you do tell people you never have to work again, most people never have to work again. | ||
| And they're going to regret it someday. | ||
| One day they're going to look at all these people they admire, that have accomplished things, that live these fun, exciting lives, successful lives, and they're going to fear envy, and they're going to feel despair, and they're going to feel like they could have done something more with their life. | ||
| But they got trapped. | ||
| The siren song of comfort led them into the rock. | ||
| That's the devil, the comfort, 100%. | ||
| Like all my friends, right? | ||
| My friends, not all my friends, but during like COVID, they're like, what am I gonna do? | ||
| And this is like really stressful, and I don't have any, right? | ||
| And then they got their government money, right? | ||
| For, you know, being out of work. | ||
| And you know what they did, Joe? | ||
| They bought guitars and baseball cards. | ||
| And I was like, I don't think you were as struggling as you thought you were. | ||
| Well, they needed something to make them feel good. | ||
| It's never enough, you know? | ||
| It's never enough. | ||
| So it's like, you've got to, like, if you give them, they'll say, well, this isn't basic, this basic income, it's not enough for me to really live. | ||
| Because what is really living? | ||
| You know, like, so it's just always going to be more. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So it's like, it's flustering to try to solve that, you know? | ||
| The hard work's the answer. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Well, you're not going to feel happy with no purpose. | ||
| And that is another thing that we found during COVID. One of the things, like, people were so at each other's throats during COVID, it's because everybody was at home. | ||
| They were all fucking bored. | ||
| Drunk. | ||
| And they were all just freaking out and just, like, attacking people over everything. | ||
| Wear a fucking mask! | ||
| I know. | ||
| Like, everybody was out of their minds. | ||
| I lost my mind. | ||
| It's like most people did, especially if you're seeing your life go away, because maybe you've worked 30 years to develop a business, then all of a sudden some new thing comes along and you have to shut your business down for a year and a half? | ||
| That's not gonna work. | ||
| And you're like, I don't have money. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| And you can't get a loan, and like, oh my god, and the lease payments for the building, they keep coming in, you're like, what am I gonna do? | ||
| And then you're on Twitter all day. | ||
| Crushed all small businesses that they claim they care about. | ||
| They crushed so many fucking restaurants. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| They almost crushed the Comedy Store. | ||
| Oh, I haven't made money in six months, and now a different group's gonna break the windows out of that place that I didn't even... | ||
| So all at the same time? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's enough to make people... | ||
| And people are saying defund the police at the same time. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You're like, oh, this is great. | ||
| That's enough to change my political opinions, and it's enough for a psychopath to grab a gun and go, hey, maybe don't knock out the windows of my store. | ||
| It was just too much at once. | ||
| If someone comes along from the left that is an objective, sensible person that's making sense of immigration, foreign policy, then I'm still left. | ||
| I'm still the same person. | ||
| Yeah, me too. | ||
| Because socially, I'm left on almost everything, on almost everything. | ||
| The hard right is, to me, just like the hard left. | ||
| The crazy fucks that are out there on the fringes, and they sort of define the left and define the right for everybody. | ||
| You define the right by white supremacists, KKK. You define the left by Antifa. | ||
| Jesus Christ! | ||
| Most people are right here. | ||
| Most people are like, I just want rules and law and everybody to be kind and healthy and a prosperous society and no pollution. | ||
| I feel like we could all work together and do a better job of all these different things. | ||
| But like Jordan Peterson says, who's like my favorite human in the world. | ||
| I love him so much. | ||
| But he was saying like, it's really easy to identify and rebuke the far right. | ||
| Like, we're very good at identifying it and going, I devour, or disavow, or whatever the term is, we don't want that. | ||
| But then with the left, the very extreme left, we kind of celebrate it, and we post it, and we brag about it, and we go, look how good I am. | ||
| I think they thought, finally, we have thugs. | ||
| It's one of those things. | ||
| I'm against the far left. | ||
| It's the bullies. | ||
| I am too. | ||
| And the far right. | ||
| And the far right. | ||
| It's the bullies. | ||
| It's the bullies on both sides. | ||
| The people that just want to use a group and have a bunch of people. | ||
| They're all together and attack. | ||
| And just go smash windows and light things on fire. | ||
| And then there's also, they get funded to do that too. | ||
| All this shit that you're seeing where the Harris, where they funded all these different organizations. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| People fund through political, through PACs, through all sorts of different methods, fund all sorts of organizations. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| They donate to all sorts of organizations. | ||
| Some of these organizations cause problems. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And they do it because they want them to do it. | ||
| They want problems. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like during Black Lives Matter, when you see stacks of bricks laying around. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| I'm not buying it. | ||
| I'm not buying this. | ||
| Someone left $30,000 worth of bricks around. | ||
| They were just doing construction. | ||
| Just conveniently happened at the same time the protest is here. | ||
| Everyone loves coincidences. | ||
| They think it's all coincidence. | ||
| What are you, a conspiracy theorist? | ||
| But it's just, you know, and that is another group thing, you know, about being a part of the group. | ||
| If you're a part of a group that's yelling and lighting things on fire, you know how much fun that must be? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| It's happening. | ||
| Especially, you're doing it to support black people. | ||
| Who doesn't want to support black people? | ||
| I'm the best. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| Let's light up Starbucks. | ||
| You know, and Starbucks is like, what did I do? | ||
| I didn't do anything! | ||
| At least when I supported my group, I didn't get a free Xbox. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| I don't think you really care about what you believe in if you're getting lamps and shit. | ||
| And then in New York, they had the dumbest way of handling it. | ||
| They just let people burn themselves out. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That de Blasio was the worst. | |
| You know that's not even his real name? | ||
| No. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What's de Blasio's real name? | ||
| It's some crazy, like, villain name. | ||
| His real name's Mookie Betts. | ||
| No, it's like a villain. | ||
| He sounds like a villain. | ||
| What's his real name? | ||
| He changed his name to fit in with people here. | ||
| Warren Wilhelm Jr. Yeah, that's an evil name. | ||
| That is for sure. | ||
| Warren Wilhelm Jr. I like to call myself Jeff Dye Sr. And people are like, oh, is your son? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| No. | ||
| No, no, but if I, you know, just Jeff Dye Sr. If I have a kid, it's going to be Jeff Jr. I'm Jeff Sr. I'm Jeff Sr. Yeah, I'm just preparing for the family. | ||
| You're Joe Rogan Sr. It's perfect. | ||
| This is fucking so funny, though. | ||
| The guy changed his name to make it ethnic. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| De Blasio! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hey! | |
| De Blasio! | ||
| Right, I'm the guy. | ||
| Gabba de Guia. | ||
| De Blasio knows how to take care of you. | ||
| Eat the fries, get a vaccine. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Come on. | |
| William? | ||
|
unidentified
|
William? | |
| What happened? | ||
| No, no, no! | ||
| Bill! | ||
| Bill de Blasio! | ||
| Aren't you Old Man Wilhelm's kid? | ||
| No, no, no, no! | ||
| That's not me! | ||
| That's really funny. | ||
| That's not me. | ||
| I'm the guy who pays taxpayers money to interpretive dance performers with masks on in the middle of the street. | ||
| You ever see that? | ||
| You're like Alec Baldwin's wife. | ||
| You remember her? | ||
| Did you ever see de Blasio? | ||
| Oh, that lady's great. | ||
| Dude, she's from like Connecticut and she's like, how do you say orange? | ||
| Is it orange? | ||
| I'm from Spain. | ||
|
unidentified
|
She It just made up a whole act like that's crazy to me. | |
| That's mentally crazy. | ||
| She must be fun. | ||
| Sexually? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Amazing. | ||
| I bet she's fun. | ||
|
unidentified
|
To pretend. | |
| Any kind of gal that pretends she's a different name. | ||
| That's wild. | ||
| That lady. | ||
| That lady's fun. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| What was I just asking? | ||
| Oh, the video where de Blasio had the performative dancers. | ||
| Oh, yes. | ||
| Listen to this. | ||
| Take it from the beginning so you can hear how fucking stupid this is. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| They all have masks on outside. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We need a recovery that brings back the life and the heart and the energy of this city and that everyone gets to be a part of. | |
| Look at this dance! | ||
| We're going to really bring back the heart and soul of New York City. | ||
| We need our arts and culture back and we need people to see it and feel it, to participate in it, to know that that essence of New York City has not been defeated by the coronavirus. | ||
| We'll come back strong in 2021. Month after month in 2021, as you see the city come back to life, culture will lead the way. | ||
| Culture! | ||
| I wonder how many of those 115 people... | ||
| 150 neighborhoods shot at those dancers. | ||
| Although when I think of New York City, I do think of people spazzing out in masks like that. | ||
| I do think of them going like this, like on drugs, asking me for money. | ||
| That's what I think of when I think of New York. | ||
| This is peak woke. | ||
| This is absolute peak woke insanity. | ||
| Stupid, shitty, out of rhythm dancing to terrible music while everybody's wearing masks outside and they spent money on this. | ||
| And this was his way of bringing the city back through culture. | ||
| It's just so unlikable. | ||
| It's peak woke. | ||
| I think this moment, this video, historians will look back at this. | ||
| This is when they clearly lost their fucking mind. | ||
| The biggest metropolitan city on earth. | ||
| The one. | ||
| If you can make it there, you can make it anywhere. | ||
| That retard is the mayor, and this is what he's doing with taxpayer money while he's got the whole city shut down. | ||
| And he wanted to defund the police. | ||
| They won't believe it. | ||
| And he let people riot and smash windows and steal things. | ||
| We need to bring our culture back. | ||
| You need to leave! | ||
| You're terrible at this job! | ||
| But people are going to go, oh, you believe that? | ||
| That wasn't real. | ||
| You're going to go, look at it! | ||
| Yeah, they're going to go, oh, come on. | ||
| Peak woke insanity. | ||
| If you tried to do that at any other time in history, if that was in 1990 and the mayor of New York had people dancing with masks on in the street, everybody would be like... | ||
| What the fuck is this? | ||
| Someone bullied them immediately. | ||
| What happened here? | ||
| Yeah, like what is happening? | ||
| How did you lose your fucking mind? | ||
| But that was when everybody was so confused and so mentally ill. | ||
| I think as a society, we mentally had a cold. | ||
| We were all like, oh, no one felt healthy. | ||
| The whole country was mentally ill. | ||
| Legitimately. | ||
| And that's how they pulled that out. | ||
| That's peak woke. | ||
| You know what they'll say to each other? | ||
| They'll go, ah, that was 2020, dude. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ah! | |
| Because they'll dismiss it as crazy. | ||
| They'll go, oh, that's different. | ||
| That was 2020. That was fucking... | ||
| He's gonna bring up 2020 again. | ||
| That was 40 months ago. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Let it go. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Where's the apologies? | ||
| What's the big deal? | ||
| Where's the, hey, we were... | ||
| They're not coming. | ||
| Hey, you know, maybe we were wrong about that. | ||
| When are you ever gonna hear that? | ||
| Not only did they not admit that they were wrong, but now they're the victims. | ||
| You know, everybody else is spreading misinformation, and we have to censor online speech. | ||
| What about you guys? | ||
| You got us into the Iraq war with misinformation, you cunts. | ||
| I've been wrong all the time. | ||
| And I just go, yeah, oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know. | ||
| I've been wrong on this fucking podcast right now. | ||
| But the left will just go, no, that's different. | ||
| I'm like, can you just at least say we're sorry for calling you a... | ||
| A super-spreading jerk because you wanted to leave your house to get coffee? | ||
| Can I get one? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They were wrong about everything and they gaslit the whole fucking world. | ||
| And they got away with it. | ||
| And they got away with it. | ||
| And they almost got away with demonizing their political opponent and putting him in jail. | ||
| They almost got him in jail. | ||
| Oh my gosh. | ||
| They came real close. | ||
| Yeah, that's so scary. | ||
| They convicted him for 34 felonies. | ||
| Things that aren't even felonies. | ||
| And also, people can't even tell you what those felonies are. | ||
| It's more fun to call someone a felon. | ||
| Yeah, well that's why you got convicted in the first place. | ||
| It was all political. | ||
| It was like name-calling. | ||
| The whole world just lost its mind in four years. | ||
| In four years, everybody just... | ||
| It was like, there was so many contributing factors. | ||
| The hatred of Trump, and then there was the coronavirus, the chaos, and then... | ||
| The racism, the sexism. | ||
| Yeah, the George Floyd thing, and then Biden seems to be dead, and he's still running the country. | ||
| Like, what's happening? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know. | |
| And then, you know, and then now, finally, when Trump won, it was like the first time in a long time, I was like, whew, maybe we're gonna be okay. | ||
| You see the stuff that he's saying about the colleges, the gender... | ||
|
unidentified
|
I love it. | |
| I'm very optimistic about it, yeah. | ||
| This is like what most logical, sensible people have been saying. | ||
| The double standard is just really fascinating to me. | ||
| What's the Bosa guy from the 49ers? | ||
| He comes in while they're interviewing the guys that were the stars of the game. | ||
| He runs up and puts his MAGA hat on and then he leaves and everyone's like, well, he's gonna have to be fined for that. | ||
| You can't make political statements. | ||
| I'm like, I don't know if you remember that BLM that was on the field Like all their helmets said... | ||
| Right, but that's different. | ||
| That's not a political statement. | ||
| That's pretty political. | ||
| Yeah, it's a cultural statement more than it's a politician you're supporting. | ||
| There's a big difference between someone you're supporting. | ||
| You don't find that political. | ||
| Stop, don't shoot isn't political. | ||
| It's not political in a sense where someone's running for office. | ||
| There's a difference between, like, you're promoting someone running for office while it's on television, and they don't want you doing that on television. | ||
| The other thing is, like, you're taking a cultural stand. | ||
| It's a different thing. | ||
| It's got political aspects to it. | ||
| It's political in nature. | ||
| It's supported primarily by the left, right? | ||
| Okay. | ||
| But it's not the same as— It's not vote for so-and-so. | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But if he had a Vote for Harris hat on, I bet nobody would give a fuck. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| That's the difference. | ||
| Yeah, but that is interesting. | ||
| I remember seeing that and going, we're going to have to fine all those other players who defund the police on their things. | ||
| Yeah, a little different. | ||
| It's different. | ||
| It's a social issue. | ||
| But I think the point's the same. | ||
| It's also like, how many of these fucking dudes who do this stuff just do it because they know they're going to get social media cred? | ||
| Oh yeah, that's tough to figure out too. | ||
| Yeah, there's a lot of that in the world today. | ||
| Like, when people know that you can say certain things, it's hard to know what you really think. | ||
| Right? | ||
| I've gotten accused of pandering, right? | ||
| They're like, oh, he's pandering to the right or whatever. | ||
| You know, Finesse Mitchell goes, you're getting real political lately to me. | ||
| And I was like, why am I just saying what I think? | ||
| Also, like, I tell you this, too, is like, when I was in Seattle, You know, and I was, like, making jokes. | ||
| Like, nobody goes, wow, you're really leaning into this left stuff. | ||
| You know, like, when comics are going up and talking about all the things they talk about, I don't go, oh, trying to make that Obama money, huh? | ||
| Like, no, they just are saying what they think. | ||
| Nobody ever accuses people of pandering until you do it, like, on the conservative side. | ||
| Then they think you're pandering. | ||
| People do like when they catch people pandering, though. | ||
| If you can catch them, but how do you know? | ||
| Well, they like to accuse people of pandering if they disagree with what that person says. | ||
| Bingo. | ||
| And our community, as far as stand-up comedians, has been very left-leaning. | ||
| Always. | ||
| And I've never once gone, oh, you're pandering to fit in here. | ||
| Or you're pandering to get on The Tonight Show. | ||
| Or you're pandering to get on Jimmy Kimmel. | ||
| Some people definitely do, though. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| But I never accuse them of that, because how am I supposed to know if they really feel like that way or not? | ||
| Right. | ||
| I don't care if you pander. | ||
| I really don't care, as long as it's funny. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You're pandering, but it's really hilarious. | ||
| But the problem with me, what I really get grossed out by is claptor. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| I'm guilty of it sometimes lately. | ||
| For sure, just in certain scenarios I've done it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Where people just only want to say things that people are going to clap and agree to. | ||
| It's a punchline like, hey, you missed a whole part of this whole formula we're all participating in here. | ||
| This is a comedy club. | ||
| We're coming here for funsies. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, and I think also, too, that's why it's really rough to accuse someone of it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because you don't know. | ||
| Like, what is the difference between pandering and just playing to a crowd? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| Or you go, oh, hey, Joe, you gotta read the crowd. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Well, what's the difference between pandering and reading the crowd? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I guess reading a crowd is pandering, so then I guess, yes, in a way, I'm guilty of it, but we all are. | ||
| Yeah, I guess. | ||
| I've never been one for eating a crowd. | ||
| I was like... | ||
| You just do your thing. | ||
| Let's find out. | ||
| I like that. | ||
| Let's find out how much of this stuff works. | ||
| In Madison, Wisconsin, they go... | ||
| No, I was in... | ||
| Milwaukee, Wisconsin? | ||
| Somewhere in Wisconsin. | ||
| The people after the show go, I bet you don't do that material in LA. I go, damn sure I do. | ||
| Yeah, I do this material in LA for sure. | ||
| Yeah, people have this bizarre idea that you change your act depending upon who's in the crowd. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know how hard it is to come up with all this stuff? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah. | |
| It takes me like fucking six months to come up with 20 minutes. | ||
| One new joke needs to be blossomed into a thing. | ||
| It needs to be watered. | ||
| But I will say, like, I'll change, you know, read a crowd. | ||
| Like, if it's a corporate event, I'm going to do different material. | ||
| I'll do different words of the same bits and things if I have to, like, I have to adjust, you know? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, that's a different gig though, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| The corporate gig is just, I'm only like hiking up my skirt and sticking my ass up in the air. | ||
| Dude, that's all it is. | ||
| That's the real luxury of being as successful as a lot of you comedians are. | ||
| You don't have to do that. | ||
| You don't have to do that. | ||
| The corporate gig... | ||
| I don't have to, but I still get offered it and I say yes, and I'm going, oh, it's tough. | ||
| Yeah, Ron White did one. | ||
| He goes, uh, I did it because they offered me a fuckload of money and it was the worst experience I ever had in my fucking life. | ||
| Stressful. | ||
| Why'd you do it? | ||
| You shouldn't have done it. | ||
| He goes, it was fucking terrible. | ||
| Yeah, it's stressful. | ||
| It also is kind of exciting, though. | ||
| I kind of crave those moments where I'm, like, nervous again. | ||
| Like, in February when I came and did Mothership for the first time, I was like, oh, this is exciting behind the curtain. | ||
| I'm a little nervous. | ||
| I'm a little nervous to go out there. | ||
| You're up in the balcony while I'm going, oh, I'm a little, like... | ||
| I like this. | ||
| Like, the first time I did The Tonight Show, I had all these, like, butterflies. | ||
| Like, that was... | ||
| I live for those kind of moments. | ||
| So, like... | ||
| You know, sometimes I'll take a corporate and I'm going off. | ||
| You should do a live special. | ||
| I'm pretty nervous. | ||
| I'd love to. | ||
| Yeah, that's... | ||
| I'd love to. | ||
| I did that because it made me nervous. | ||
| I said no to it at first. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I was like, no. | ||
| It's done. | ||
| One shot. | ||
| Yeah, but then I thought, oh, why are you being a pussy? | ||
| Then I called my manager back. | ||
| I said, don't say no yet. | ||
| Let me call you tomorrow. | ||
| I called him the next day. | ||
| I'm like, all right, we're good. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| I think that's the future. | ||
| Well, it's definitely you prepare for it more and you think about it in a different way than a regular show. | ||
| I prepared so much more than I ever do normally. | ||
| Well, you didn't have to sit around approving edits from people at a big corporation with a bunch of laptops who aren't creative who go, maybe this bit. | ||
| And you go, I'm the comedian. | ||
| Why are you editing that? | ||
| I think live's the future. | ||
| I had to do that once with a Comedy Central deal to do a special and I bailed on it. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Yeah, just after the phone call. | ||
| I'm like, nope, can't do this. | ||
| It's like, you can't say that. | ||
| I'm like, why not? | ||
| What are we talking about? | ||
| Do you guys want funny or not funny? | ||
| I thought this was cable. | ||
| They've changed their standards, though. | ||
| And then, like, by 2014, I got away with a lot. | ||
| I got away with a lot when I did a Comedy Central special in 2014. But they now, I don't even know what they make anymore other than South Park. | ||
| Comedy Central? | ||
| I mean, do they even have South Park anymore? | ||
| I'm not sure if they're making new episodes, but they have that. | ||
| They play a lot of reruns of things, and then they also have all those daily shows, and all that stuff does good for them. | ||
| Okay, daily show, of course. | ||
| But, like, they used to have so many shows, man. | ||
| I just don't think TV can compete with internet anymore. | ||
| No. | ||
| And they had an app, too. | ||
| I know Comedy Central had an app for a while. | ||
| I don't know if they still have that running. | ||
| They still have a Comedy Central app? | ||
| You want to hear a good story about that? | ||
| They got folded into Paramount, I believe. | ||
| Oh, that makes sense. | ||
| And that's where the new South Park episodes are, right? | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| What's that comedian's name that Joe List just made a documentary about? | ||
| Gosh, he's a great guy from Boston. | ||
| He now lives in the Keys of Florida. | ||
| He's a Boston comic, kind of a legend. | ||
| Tom Dustin? | ||
| Tom Dustin, yeah. | ||
| There's a great Tom Dustin story in Boston. | ||
| Where the women that ran Comedy Central were, like, in the crowd. | ||
| And it's like a showcase thing. | ||
| And the owner's like, just keep it clean. | ||
| This is the thing. | ||
| And Tom Dustin's already kind of a controversial guy as far as, like, the booker was like, you know, you know our reputation here and we're letting you do this because we want to help you, but, like, play ball. | ||
| So Tom Dustin goes out there and he's struggling a bit. | ||
| And just in the middle of the set, he just decides, I don't want to do this. | ||
| I don't want to jump through these hoops. | ||
| So he goes, I heard Comedy Central's here. | ||
| And everyone claps. | ||
| And he goes, how many fat, bearded, unfunny fucks are you going to put on the network this year? | ||
| And everyone's like mortified. | ||
| And then he's like, they're lighting him. | ||
| Get off the stage. | ||
| Get off the stage. | ||
| And then he raps and he's like, that's it. | ||
| And then he comes back and he goes, oh, I forgot. | ||
| You're all a bunch of N-word cunts. | ||
| Whoa! | ||
| Yeah, just says that to the audience. | ||
| Because he just wanted to stick it to the comedy club and the people. | ||
| Yeah, Tom Dustin. | ||
| Yeah, he's a legend, dude. | ||
| Great fucking funny guy, dude. | ||
| Must have missed him. | ||
| He's grinding. | ||
| He's grinding it out. | ||
| One of those Boston boys. | ||
| And where does he live now? | ||
| Now he lives in... | ||
| He started a comedy club in Key West. | ||
| What's it called? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I haven't played. | |
| Because I know there is a comedy club in Key West that a lot of people go down to. | ||
| It's supposed to be a fun gig. | ||
| Doug does it. | ||
| Stanhope does it. | ||
| I know Swartzen. | ||
| I don't know if Swartzen's done it, but I know Swartzen was down there when I was down there. | ||
| So he just works his own club? | ||
| Yeah, just made his own, started his own club. | ||
| He's happy. | ||
| Pretty cool. | ||
| That's kind of what I did. | ||
| You guys did it in different ways, Joe. | ||
| Joe List! | ||
| Oh yeah, there you go. | ||
| Sam Talent, that's pretty cool. | ||
| You should fucking take a trip down to Key West. | ||
| Hell yeah, it's great. | ||
| Might be fun to do a gig down there, just for funsies. | ||
| Yeah, that'd help him out a lot too. | ||
| It's a fun area. | ||
| Those people are wild people. | ||
| I mean, that's been a wild place for a long ass time. | ||
| Very unchartered territory. | ||
| Yeah, kind of like, you know, nomads. | ||
| Like fucking Mad Max type shit. | ||
| I like it there, yeah. | ||
| And you can't just fly into the Keys. | ||
| I mean, if you can, I didn't know that you could, because I had to drive. | ||
| Dave Williamson drove me for like three hours, like, how long have we been in the Keys? | ||
| He's like, the gig's up here, don't worry. | ||
| You gotta go by cruise ship. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's, well, I think that's how they get there, actually. | |
| Have you done cruises? | ||
| Been on cruises? | ||
| No! | ||
| No! | ||
| Not me, dude. | ||
| Not into it. | ||
| Uh-uh. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No. | ||
| Well, you know what's funny about the cruise ships, while we're talking about corporate corruption, it's international waters. | ||
| They can just kill you. | ||
| Well, the casino, you're like, this kind of feels unfair. | ||
| And they're like, who are you going to complain to? | ||
| No one. | ||
| There's no pit boss that goes, don't worry, this is all sanctioned. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Of course it's unfair. | |
| They're going to get you drunk and steal your money. | ||
| Oh, and the games are rigged. | ||
| They just steal it. | ||
| You go, I would like to talk to the casino commission. | ||
| They go, shut up, you're in the middle of the ocean. | ||
| And you talk to the guy that works there. | ||
| You're like, hey buddy, how much do you make? | ||
| And they're like, I make like a dollar a week. | ||
| You know, like some crazy thing. | ||
| They're just allowed to do that? | ||
| They give them free food and a bed. | ||
| Yeah, and the guy more than where I live. | ||
| How about those folks that live on cruise ships? | ||
| You know those certain folks that gave up their house and they just live on a cruise ship all year round? | ||
| I will say, and I promise I'm not trying to be contrarian here, because I love Tim Dillon, I love all these guys who will shit on cruise ships, and they're right. | ||
| Every bit of criticism that my favorite people in my life criticize about cruise ships, the other side of that coin is, some people just want to eat shit and look at things. | ||
| They want to be... | ||
| There are some people... | ||
| It's nice for my dad, you know? | ||
| He's happy to just go, okay, what are they playing, Rush Hour 2? | ||
| It's okay. | ||
| Those people are enjoying it. | ||
| Sure, it's a vacation, and you're with a whole bunch of people that are on vacation. | ||
| Sunburnt, you're all sitting around. | ||
| You got water slides and fucking all kinds of shit to do. | ||
| It's fine for them. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| It's not my brain. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I don't want to do it. | ||
| I don't sync up that way. | ||
| A nightmare for me. | ||
| But then every three days you get to waddle your fat ass off the boat and see Puerto Rico for three hours, and then you get back on the boat. | ||
| Some people, that's a pretty cool deal. | ||
| Some people. | ||
| Some people. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I don't want to perform on those things. | ||
| Well... | ||
| How many times have you done it? | ||
| Oh, I've only been on a cruise ship like probably three times and I got like some special deal. | ||
| Were you doing stand-up or were you... | ||
| I got to do stand-up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Dude, Joe. | ||
| What a thing. | ||
| One of the other comics, Tom Cotter goes, don't be here, dude. | ||
| I know Tom Cotter. | ||
| Yeah, Tom's awesome. | ||
| He was the other comic on the boat. | ||
| He saw that I was doing it. | ||
| He goes, dude, you don't want to be on here. | ||
| He's like, go... | ||
| You got the rest of your life to be on a cruise ship, like, if this is where you want to end up. | ||
| And he was speaking to the comedy aspect of it. | ||
| Like, it was just pretty... | ||
| That's a dark statement. | ||
| Depressing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because Tom's my age. | ||
| Tom's awesome. | ||
| I've known Tom since we were open micers. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The first time I ever went to an open mic night, I saw Tom on stage. | ||
| Really? | ||
| I just found out that Greg Fitzsimmons was a Boston guy. | ||
| He started a week after me. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, we both started together. | ||
| Do you consider yourself a Boston guy? | ||
| Yeah, that's where I started. | ||
| Nice. | ||
| I think you develop a kind of sense of comedy and of urgency, and the audience's attention span. | ||
| The comics from Boston, at least back in that day, they had sharp material. | ||
| There were too many good comics. | ||
| It was also a real... | ||
| It was a real pressure cooker because you had these guys that were these national-level comics that could have been some of the best comics in the country, but they never left Boston. | ||
| And so you're always working with these guys, these Steve Sweeney, Don Gavin, Kevin Knox, Lenny Clark. | ||
| They were monsters. | ||
| Yeah, Lenny would have been pissed if you didn't see him right there. | ||
| Oh, he was a monster. | ||
| He was the first guy, the second guy, actually, I ever get paid to open for. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, those guys are rock stars, and then they stayed put, and so you guys have to compete with the rock stars. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| So Lenny got out, and he did a lot of TV shows and a bunch of stuff, but a lot of those guys, they stayed put, and they were still, fuck, like Steve Sweeney. | ||
| He's, to this day, one of the greatest killers on stage I've ever seen in my life. | ||
| They got destroyed back in the day. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| I mean, destroyed. | ||
| And Boston did a dirty thing. | ||
| They did a dirty thing. | ||
| The dirty thing was, like, say if you're a famous comedian and you're coming to play Nick's Comedy Stop for the weekend, like Billy Crystal, they would put on Don Gavin, Kevin Knox, Steve Sweeney, Mike Donovan, and they would just eat shit. | ||
| And they would love that these guys would eat shit. | ||
| I like that. | ||
| They pay him all this money to go perform at this club. | ||
| This is a club, by the way, that would pay you in Coke or cash. | ||
| Oh yeah, that's old days. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, right there. | |
| I've only read about that, which makes me so happy. | ||
| Like, you want Coke, money, or just Coke, or just money? | ||
| Back in the day, there was a club that used to do that. | ||
| I like that. | ||
| Yeah, and I think probably more than one. | ||
| Oh, for sure. | ||
| I mean, these were partying people. | ||
| I would hear about that all the time. | ||
| You know how they all got hit up, though? | ||
| What do you mean? | ||
| They were all getting paid cash. | ||
| They all didn't pay their taxes. | ||
| I remember opening for Greg Giraldo, the club that I started at. | ||
| He just used the open micers as free openers. | ||
| Like, pick up the comedian at the airport. | ||
| And we wanted to pick up Greg Giraldo and Chris Porter. | ||
| We were excited to pick up the comics from the airport. | ||
| But that was his way of not having to pay a car service to pick up the comics from the airport. | ||
| Oh, the club owner did that? | ||
| Yeah, the club owner did that. | ||
| But then he'd also be like, you guys are all gonna do short sets in front of the headliner, which we're excited to do, but that also means he doesn't have to pay us to open. | ||
| So he doesn't have to pay for a middle or a host. | ||
| So it was a trick, but we were happy to be part of the trick because we just wanted stage time. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| You get to hang out with Greg Giraldo. | ||
| How cool is that? | ||
| It's like you're being an intern. | ||
| Yeah, it felt like that. | ||
| Yeah, and I was happy with the trade. | ||
| You know, that stage time was valuable. | ||
| But, and I got to meet all, like, my heroes, you know, that came through. | ||
| And I remember Greg Giraldo, you know, he's clean now. | ||
| He's trying to be an honorable husband, and he's, you know, he's got the fix. | ||
| And he would just be like, you know, Jeff, if this was back in the day, we would have been knee-deep in coke. | ||
| And I'm like, let's do that now! | ||
| Like, why? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like, why? | |
| Why do I? How did I miss it? | ||
| You know, like I'm reading about all these tales. | ||
| It's unsustainable. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The only guy who's been able to sustain partying for an entire career is Stan Hope. | ||
| Yeah, well, or they die. | ||
| Dangerfield was doing it till the end. | ||
| He did it till the end. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He was smoking pot and doing lines to the very end. | ||
| Yeah, but he was committed. | ||
| Oh, come on. | ||
| Yeah, well, this is comedy. | ||
| How great is the notes in the green room? | ||
| You saw me browsing those last night. | ||
| I was pretty into that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How'd you get them? | ||
| His wife. | ||
| His wife gave them to us. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Whitney knows his wife, and when she found out we were opening up the club, I love that. | ||
| I love stuff like that. | ||
| I want to do something like what he did, where he had Rodney Dangerfield and Friends, where he did those HBO shows. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Where he introduced the world to some of the best comics. | ||
| I want to do something like that. | ||
| You'd help a lot of guys, let me tell you. | ||
| Doing that from the mothership would be fucking amazing. | ||
| That would help a lot of guys. | ||
| I think there's guys out there that could use it, too. | ||
| There's guys out there that have, like, ten minutes of murder. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And just put those ten minutes of murder together and, you know, have four or five guys on a show and have some fun. | ||
| Would you be able to commit to picking the guys you like as opposed to the guys that Netflix wants you to plug? | ||
| No, if I was going to do Joe Rogan and Friends, it would have to be people that I really think are funny. | ||
| I love that. | ||
| Whether I know them or not. | ||
| I love that. | ||
| Like, people that I really admire. | ||
| And that's what... | ||
| What he did, what Rodney did, was different than anybody else other than Carson, who wasn't really a comedian, right? | ||
| So Johnny Carson was the way that everybody got famous. | ||
| You got on The Tonight Show. | ||
| You're the new Carson, by the way. | ||
| Oh, thank you. | ||
| I believe that. | ||
| And you get to sit next to Carson, like, holy shit, I'm sitting next to Carson. | ||
| And, like, he likes you so much. | ||
| You made it. | ||
| You were headlining in comedy clubs after that. | ||
| And traveling around the country, and, you know, there's guys like Rich Jenny did, like, dozens of films. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Richard Jenner was great. | ||
| Amazing. | ||
| A very unhappy man, but like a talented man. | ||
| Super depressed. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But then you had Rodney. | ||
| And what Rodney did is he introduced people to the HBO special comedians. | ||
| So these weren't comedians like Tonight Show clean comedians. | ||
| These were guys like Robert Schimmel, Dice Clay, Bill Hicks, Sam Kinison, Dom Herrera, Killers, Lenny Clark, Killers, Killers. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And, like, headliners already, like, and then they all got HBO specials. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Love it. | |
| And then they all became, like, national talent and, like, people that would see them everywhere. | ||
| But it all came out of Rodney. | ||
| Because Rodney had this desire to introduce these comics to the rest of the world. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Love that. | |
| Whereas nobody else was doing that. | ||
| And I love that. | ||
| That's how you help people. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Is by going, hey, I know this guy isn't famous. | ||
| He doesn't have a sitcom. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But I, right, I'm funny. | ||
| Here's the guy that I think is funny. | ||
| I also think our Rodney Dangerfield is Dave Attell. | ||
| Joke, joke, joke, joke, just crushing killer. | ||
| I think our Larry the Cable guy's Theo Vaughn. | ||
| Like, you know, like it's got the voice and the things and the you don't know what is a story and what is a joke. | ||
| But, you know, our Eddie Murphy's Kevin Hart. | ||
| You can cut, you know, our Normie is, our Norm MacDonald is kind of a Mark Normand. | ||
| Like, you have these kind of next guys. | ||
| Sort of. | ||
| I think they're all their own thing. | ||
| They are their own thing. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, I don't really think it's our this or our that. | ||
| I don't think about it that way. | ||
| Well, you don't think styles influence people? | ||
| Yeah, they definitely do. | ||
| For sure. | ||
|
unidentified
|
For sure. | |
| I think, you know, like if you listen to Stephen Wright, then you listen to Mitch Hedberg. | ||
| Yeah, and that's great. | ||
| Yeah, sure. | ||
| That's beautiful. | ||
| Absurdist, non-sequiters. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm very inspired by Norm and Patrice and Simpsons. | ||
| If you watch my act, you can go, I know all the things this guy watched. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| But I think it tells his own thing. | ||
| I think he's one of the greatest of all time. | ||
| I really do. | ||
| Oh, I think so, too. | ||
| I saw him at the mothership one night. | ||
| I came in just to watch his set. | ||
| It was... | ||
| Amazing. | ||
| Machine Gun Joe. | ||
| And he's so in the groove. | ||
| He's just this Zen master on stage. | ||
| Every beat is perfect. | ||
| He's a master. | ||
| I love him. | ||
| He's so good. | ||
| He's so good at just talking shit, too, when he has everybody come on stage with him. | ||
| He gives everybody a microphone and they just start shitting on him. | ||
| Yeah, he's the best. | ||
| He also has still He's still maintained. | ||
| People like when you don't change, you know? | ||
| Like if you're a fat celebrity, you better stay fat. | ||
| We don't want to see you skinny. | ||
| And if you're a skinny person and you get fat, they go, what happened? | ||
| That's why child stars are doomed. | ||
| Because they're gonna have to change. | ||
| And you're gonna go, I liked him when he was a cute kid. | ||
| But I think the same thing is true with, like, Attell. | ||
| He still looks like he's broke. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You look at a tell, you're like, that guy, is he alright? | ||
| He dresses the same way every time you see him, even on his specials. | ||
| He could be 80 degrees outside. | ||
| He's got a jacket on. | ||
| Like a do-rag and a hat. | ||
| He's just bizarre. | ||
| I love that. | ||
| And I love that you're like, is he okay? | ||
| You're like, that's one of the best comedians in the world. | ||
| He's crushing it. | ||
| But he's really in his own little world. | ||
| He really does still read newspapers and he writes jokes in a coffee shop and his flip phone. | ||
| He texts you. | ||
| No, from a flip phone? | ||
| I didn't know that. | ||
| Every time I get a text from him, I appreciate it, because I know how long it took to make. | ||
| These fucking things take forever. | ||
| And he was in here, in the studio, and he was sitting there, and he had a text on me, and he was like, doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo. | ||
| I was like, what are you doing? | ||
| Yeah, you're like my dad. | ||
| That's wild. | ||
| But he's right. | ||
| If you don't want to be connected to that world, you don't want to be influenced in, just stay in the zone. | ||
| And who's better at staying in the zone than him? | ||
| Nobody. | ||
| Who's better at coming up with new material? | ||
| Nobody. | ||
| Yeah, he's awesome. | ||
| So he's just like found this area to exist in. | ||
| Yeah, he's the best. | ||
| He's like, I'm good. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm good. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| I think he's one of the greats. | ||
| So we agree that he's one of the greats. | ||
| I had a couple of friends. | ||
| This was a long time ago. | ||
| We just went to a theater show. | ||
| We saw this comic. | ||
| He wasn't very funny. | ||
| They love to do that. | ||
| Oh, I saw this special. | ||
| It sucked. | ||
| You know, like they love to shit on it better than just going, we enjoyed it. | ||
| And so I go, oh, who'd you see? | ||
| And they go, I can't remember his name, but we'll text you if we can remember or whatever. | ||
| And I was like, okay, these are good friends of mine. | ||
| And so then later on they're like, oh, it was Dave Attell. | ||
| And I go, oh, you were wrong. | ||
| You are just wrong. | ||
| And they're like, no, it was really bad. | ||
| I go, wrong! | ||
| You're wrong! | ||
| There's just no way that that is, and I think that that's like the disconnect of like maybe a theater show. | ||
| Or like a Netflix special. | ||
| Were you talking to your friends? | ||
| Were you looking at your phone? | ||
| They wanted some crowd work or something. | ||
| I don't know what they expected, but I was like, you're wrong. | ||
| Like that's one of the greatest. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think sometimes if a venue's too big, you know, and the person's all smart, like maybe that's, there's a disconnect there. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| I don't know, but there's usually screens. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| People have shitty tastes. | ||
| Yeah, I couldn't believe it. | ||
| Yeah, I've heard things like that before about other comedians that I think are awesome. | ||
| I'm like, shut up. | ||
| Well, and also the stadium's laughing and going, this guy's the best, and then my dumb friends are going- I thought they were all cheap jokes. | ||
| Are you being my favorite kind? | ||
| Shut the fuck up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Shut the fuck up. | |
| I like a good cheap joke. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, exactly. | |
| A cheap joke that makes me laugh is fun. | ||
| Did it work? | ||
| Yeah, I should laugh. | ||
| I'm not necessarily a connoisseur. | ||
| I'm just here to have a good time. | ||
| Well, I do think that's a good thing, too, about taste. | ||
| I think it was in Dave Grohl's book. | ||
| He was like, I'll drink shitty coffee from a gas station, but I also appreciate a nice espresso. | ||
| I think that's a good way to think about even jokes. | ||
| I'll take a one-liner, a cheap joke, I'll take a story, a misdirection, I'll take anything. | ||
| Just make me laugh. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I like the good stuff and the bad stuff. | ||
| But the thing that's hard for comics is to maintain an audience enthusiasm. | ||
| To watch comedy and appreciate it like you used to before you were a comic. | ||
| Because you know the tricks. | ||
| It's one way when you see someone doing hacky stuff. | ||
| Like, yuck. | ||
| But just fun. | ||
| Just have a good time. | ||
| Don't start breaking down someone's bits. | ||
| You see comics, they can't laugh. | ||
| Watching things and everything is like, hmm, I don't know. | ||
| I don't think it's a little extra time to get to this joke. | ||
| Could have edited that out a little bit better. | ||
| You start like... | ||
| You know, too much. | ||
| I did that early. | ||
| I'd police guys. | ||
| When I was a passionate, obsessed with comedy open-miker, I would be like, you know, so-and-so has a bit about that subject. | ||
| And it's like, yeah, we're all talking about the same subjects, you know? | ||
| But I would be the guy that would be like, well, you shouldn't do that because Daniel Tosh has a thing. | ||
| But it was all bullshit. | ||
| It was just me being so passionate about it that I was overdoing it. | ||
| Well, you're probably applying those standards to yourself, too. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, for sure. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So that's part of it. | ||
| You see someone who's like, come on, man. | ||
| You know that fucking Gilbert Gottfried had a bit about that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But also, you don't want to overthink it. | ||
| I think you're 100% right. | ||
| Have fun with the crowd. | ||
| Be out there. | ||
| Yeah, and just be able to enjoy different kinds of comedy, too. | ||
| Some people just can't. | ||
| And there's so many people, particularly left-wing comics, comedy has to line up with their ideology, or they just won't get into it. | ||
| They can't. | ||
| I hate it. | ||
| I used to see that with Dice Clay. | ||
| That was the big one. | ||
| And we were talking about this last night, because I came in as a Dice Clay fan when I was a kid, and by the time Dice had gotten kicked off of MTV, and it was in fashion for comedians to call him a sexist and a pig, and this guy, it's a character. | ||
| Yeah, what are you talking about? | ||
| Also, it's like, shut the fuck up. | ||
| Right. | ||
| There was so much jealousy. | ||
| There was jealousy about him, too, because he was the first comic that ever sold out arenas. | ||
| So he was selling out arenas when everybody else was struggling to fill a weekend at a little comedy club. | ||
| Like, what? | ||
| And these guys all started with him, and he was one of those guys that got on running Dangerfield special and just took off. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| And then he did his own special. | ||
| I think it was called Dice Rules. | ||
| And that special took off. | ||
| And then, dude, he was everywhere. | ||
| And it was different than any other kind of comedy because everybody knew the nursery rhymes and they wanted to say it with them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The hits. | |
| So it was like going to a concert. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, what's in the bowl, bitch? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh! | |
| And everybody would go, yeah! | ||
| Yeah, which if anyone was to criticize, you know, like I know a lot of the old dogs in Boston would be like these guys aren't doing anything different But right that's different. | ||
| Yeah, so you get something that's different That's working and then people will kind of get mad. | ||
| They were like you claimed you wanted something different and it's working It's working and it's different just because you do a different thing like if you're an observational comic Yes, you do a different thing doesn't mean that that thing that all 100% Tens of thousands of people are screaming and cheering for is wrong. | ||
| That's a crazy way of looking at it. | ||
| I'll give you a great example. | ||
| I was at Skankfest, right, this year in Vegas, which, what a treat, and so grateful to them for having me, so I don't ever want to make it sound like I'm not grateful, but I went and watched Carrot Top, Scott Thompson, right? | ||
| I went over to the Luxor, I watched the show, and then I come back to Skankfest, and I was like, oh, we were at Carrot Top, you know, and people were like, Carrot Top? | ||
| I was like, he's better than all of us, just so you know. | ||
| He's funny! | ||
| It's great, Joe. | ||
| 90 minutes of not missing. | ||
| It was relevant as far as like he was doing topical things. | ||
| He had a P. Diddy joke that happened like the night before I saw him. | ||
| Like he had all the, you know, it wasn't all props. | ||
| There was a lot of topical stuff, tons of Trump stuff, political stuff. | ||
| There was like three, like maybe a one-minute segment where I was like Because I was going in with an open mind. | ||
| If it's going to be shit, I'll say it's shit. | ||
| And if it's great, I'll say it's great. | ||
| And there was one little chunk that I was like, that's a little hacky. | ||
| And it's like a Vegas Luxor joke about how they made it a pyramid because if you try to jump out the window, you'll just end back up at the casino. | ||
| I've heard that kind of thing. | ||
| But then I started thinking about it. | ||
| I was like, no. | ||
| He probably wrote that. | ||
| He's been doing this for 29 years. | ||
| Sometimes you'll watch Pryor, and he'll be like, black women are like this, white, and you go, that's hacky. | ||
| No, he did it first. | ||
| And so in my mind, I was like, 90 minutes of not missing, and he's the nicest guy in the world, and he's crushing it. | ||
| It's a great, great, great show. | ||
| Well, he was a guy that in the early days when he was taking off, everyone shit on. | ||
| Everyone shit on. | ||
| Including Hicks. | ||
| Hicks had a whole bit about Carrot Top. | ||
| Which sucks, because he's so good. | ||
| It was just a jealousy thing. | ||
| It was just shitting on the guy who was doing this thing that you think is somehow or another coloring outside the lines. | ||
| Which is crazy to me. | ||
| Didn't make any sense. | ||
| And then he also kind of was alienated from everybody because then he did a residency in Vegas. | ||
| He was like one of the first big guys to just do it. | ||
| He's been in Vegas forever. | ||
| 29 years. | ||
| That's so crazy. | ||
| That's a long time. | ||
| And that means it must be pretty good. | ||
| He does well. | ||
| He's a funny guy. | ||
| He's a really nice guy. | ||
| Yeah, I saw a show. | ||
| It's so good. | ||
| He couldn't have been more humble. | ||
| It was just such a nice guy. | ||
| I said this to him. | ||
| I wanted him to hear it. | ||
| You know all the hate that my comedy friends do is just because it's become a thing. | ||
| It's not because it's real. | ||
| So, like, I think this happens in life. | ||
| Like, people go, oh, Henry Winkler. | ||
| Jeff, you worked with Henry Winkler. | ||
| Isn't he the nicest guy in the world? | ||
| Yes! | ||
| Henry Winkler's the nicest guy in the world. | ||
| But so are a lot of people. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| But we've learned Henry Winkler's the nicest guy. | ||
| So we just repeat it. | ||
| You know, oh, Taylor Swift only sings about her ex-boyfriends. | ||
| Every musician sings about their exes. | ||
| Why is that Taylor Swift's thing? | ||
| Well, she's got a lot of it. | ||
| But it's just something we've heard and we repeat as like a hacky thing. | ||
| And I think that's the same with Carrot Top. | ||
| It became hack. | ||
| It became like a trend to make fun of him, but he didn't deserve it. | ||
| That act is killer. | ||
| Yeah, there's a lot of that. | ||
| That's Trump as a Nazi. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| It's not fair. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| There's a lot of that. | ||
| There's narratives. | ||
| There's headlines, clickbait narratives that just get spread. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I hate it. | ||
| It's easy to define people in a certain way. | ||
| They'll say, oh, I see it in like small things. | ||
| Oh, you know, you swallow 10 spiders a year. | ||
| I go, no, they don't. | ||
| What are you, sleeping outside with your mouth open? | ||
| What are you talking about? | ||
| Why are people repeating these things that aren't, oh, you know, you lose a million hairs a month. | ||
| You're like, no, you don't. | ||
| Like, where are these things being repeated or perpetuated? | ||
| The internet, just like we were talking about how much Lizzo made. | ||
| Yeah, exactly, yeah. | ||
| Which I'm probably going to wear that a little bit, but I think we got to the bottom of it. | ||
| Well, we probably are at least semi-accurate. | ||
| I just wonder who came up with that list in the first place. | ||
| Well, but there's a difference between me saying something wrong on your podcast and millions of people repeating a thing that they heard about Carrot Top. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| I don't understand how that becomes a reputation. | ||
| And now this guy lives in some world where he goes, everyone hates me and even family guys shitting on me. | ||
| I don't deserve this. | ||
| Well, one of the things he said that after he came on my show, he started getting a lot of love. | ||
| Oh, good. | ||
| He said it was way different. | ||
| A lot of people were going to the shows that were fans of my show and then wanted to come see them. | ||
| Yeah, it's like he turned a corner and he should have never had to do that. | ||
| I never met the guy. | ||
| I didn't meet him until I did a podcast with him. | ||
| So for me, it was cool to just have fun with him. | ||
| Let him get out of that. | ||
| He's a comedian. | ||
| Yeah, he's a nice guy. | ||
| He's not hurting anybody. | ||
| He's a sweetheart of a guy. | ||
| I feel like what happened to more prop comics... | ||
| They all went away because he's so successful, he defined prop comedy. | ||
| He's like Weird Al. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You don't see parody music anymore. | ||
| Weird Al goes, I got 50 albums, who's next? | ||
| You don't see anybody smashing watermelons. | ||
| Gallagher did it, and that's the only one. | ||
| Well, I guess Bo Burnham does musical parody, but it's not the same. | ||
| Sure, he does it, but he started on YouTube, right? | ||
| But it isn't like he doesn't take a song... | ||
| You know how Weird Al would take Michael Jackson's song so you knew the song and then you'd repeat it. | ||
| Yeah, which is great. | ||
| I loved Weird Al. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I haven't thought about him in a long time. | |
| But prop comics. | ||
| It's over. | ||
| It's it. | ||
| Like puppet comics. | ||
| They went away. | ||
| You have Jeff Dunham and that's it. | ||
| What was the guy? | ||
| I know you'll know this. | ||
| Otto and George? | ||
| I didn't have to say it. | ||
| So funny. | ||
| A dirty ventriloquist. | ||
| I used to work with Otto. | ||
| We used to do these prom shows at Dangerfields. | ||
| So when I first moved to New York City, Dangerfields was one of the clubs that I worked at the most because it was like, first of all, I couldn't believe it was Rodney Dangerfield's club and they actually filmed one of Dangerfield's specials there. | ||
| So you were like a fan of Dangerfield. | ||
| Oh, a huge fan. | ||
| And we'd do these prom shows. | ||
| The prom shows would start at like 7 p.m. | ||
| or whatever it was, and they would go on until 4 o'clock in the fucking morning. | ||
| And it was kids, like from the Bronx and Staten Island. | ||
| They'd come in on buses and limos, and they'd all be drunk, and they would fill up these fucking little clubs with these kids, and then just... | ||
| Want you to do the same material the next show so the kids leave. | ||
| So they never had the kids leave. | ||
| So they would tell you, hey, you've got to stop doing new material. | ||
| Do the same material every time. | ||
| I'm like, I'm not doing the same material. | ||
| Why? | ||
| I'm not going to bomb. | ||
| I'm here to do my set. | ||
| You can't tell me what to do. | ||
| You've got me here for five sets. | ||
| If I look and that same drunk kid is in the front row, I'm gonna do a new set. | ||
| Yeah, that's great. | ||
| You know, I have another ten minutes. | ||
| Trying to grow, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, it was fucking ridiculous, but the shows would go on forever and ever, and I did a bunch of them with Otto. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| I'm so jealous to hear that. | ||
| Do you think that the internet has a lot of Otto and George? | ||
| There's a few. | ||
| Like, you can find stuff? | ||
| You had to see him live, because you couldn't believe what the fuck he was saying. | ||
| He was so wild. | ||
| He was amazing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He would say the fucking craziest shit, and then he would say to the puppet, George, what the fuck are you saying? | ||
| I can't believe you talk like that. | ||
| Yeah, which is great. | ||
| You got an out, but it's your hand. | ||
| That's the... | ||
| Oh, here we go. | ||
| Yeah, it's so funny. | ||
| Dirtiest Dozen, 1988. I love it. | ||
| I love that this is on the internet. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm fucking uncomfortable here. | |
| Gotta take a shit and everything. | ||
| Sorry. | ||
| I had a ride here in the trunk of the car. | ||
| It sucked. | ||
| It was boring. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I turtle waxed my dick. | |
| I was so fucking bored in there. | ||
| Johnson's turtle wax. | ||
| Three coats. | ||
| I want to see the water jumping off of it. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| I got a wooden cock. | ||
| I was circumcised with a pencil sharpener. | ||
| At least I stay hard when I'm drunk. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Lack it off your fucking hard arms. | |
| George, please watch it. | ||
| There are ladies here. | ||
|
unidentified
|
There's ladies here? | |
| Blowjobs! | ||
| Protein Slurpees! | ||
| Check it out! | ||
| He's like a star to me You saw this movie E.T. goes down My girlfriend gave me skull last night She did a good job. | ||
| When she was done, my cock looked like a totem pole and her face looked like a glazed donut. | ||
| I just love the idea. | ||
| The premise is preposterous. | ||
| You had to see him live. | ||
| If you saw him live and you were in the room, it was so fun. | ||
| I know everyone talks about blowjobs now, but back at the time, that's pretty edgy stuff. | ||
| This is 88, right? | ||
| So he was kind of a wild dude. | ||
| Unfortunately, that kind of cost him a lot of substances. | ||
|
unidentified
|
A little off the rails. | |
| A little crazy. | ||
| We had a couple of guys, these knuckleheads who lived in Seattle, but we looked up to them because anyone that was an older brother or somebody in comedy was a big deal to us. | ||
| And they did a thing called a robo. | ||
| And he had his own MySpace page and everything, and it was just this terrible robot. | ||
| It was a trashcan that they just put a box head on, and they had like two buttons, like it was on a race car kind of thing, so it could only spin, and the eyes would light up, and then when you hit like a thing, it would make his mouth make a little line of lights. | ||
| And the guy would just be in the back, a comedian would be in the back, reading his jokes off the notepad. | ||
| Oh, here it is, Robo! | ||
| And the jokes were just so... | ||
| Funny. | ||
| His head would fall off sometimes, but he'd be like, why do women wear makeup and perfume? | ||
| Because they're ugly and they stink. | ||
| And then he would like spin around. | ||
| Let me hear some of it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I can't understand it. | |
| Someone in there offered me some cocaine. | ||
| I said no thanks. | ||
| I'm already wired. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Get it? | |
| It's terrible shit. | ||
| But like, yeah, you would just be like, why do women get their periods? | ||
| Because they deserve it. | ||
| And then all you like spin around. | ||
| And people would leave. | ||
| I mean, it's an open mic. | ||
| It was not like, at least Otto and George had like a sold out. | ||
| This would be two guys just drunkenly having a good time with terrible jokes and putting it on the robot, which is... | ||
| That's a really good idea. | ||
| So funny. | ||
| Well, it's cool because you can get that robot to say things just like you can get South Park to say things because they're not real people. | ||
| Oh, it's not me in the back with a microphone. | ||
| It's the robot. | ||
| Yeah, it's Cartman. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Oh, it's so funny. | ||
| It's not even a human. | ||
| It's a big round thing. | ||
| He said one time they got booked, too. | ||
| Or actually, the first time someone tried to book them, like, hey, Rob, oh, we would love to have you at our venue. | ||
| It's like, no, it's Robo. | ||
| It might have been an automated thing or something, but they thought it was so funny that someone tried to book them off of a video like that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's hilarious. | |
| I love that kind of stuff, though. | ||
| Well, somebody probably thought that was a real act. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You could take it somewhere. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| You probably could have. | ||
| I mean, someone could easily do that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I mean, how hard is it to do? | ||
| It's so funny. | ||
| Have you seen that comedian on Kill Tony? | ||
| What is the gentleman's name that has... | ||
| He has some sort of a neurological condition where he can't talk, so he has a Bluetooth speaker. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| He does his jokes. | ||
| I haven't seen him on Kill Tony, but... | ||
| He's at the QS Comedy Club in like two weeks. | ||
| Oh, that's right. | ||
| There's a calendar. | ||
| It's Aaron Belisle's name. | ||
| Aaron Belisle. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He's a very nice guy. | ||
| Funny, too. | ||
| Yeah, I've seen this guy on AGT or something. | ||
| Right, that's what it was. | ||
| It was on America's Got Talent. | ||
| Yeah, I've seen him. | ||
| I almost did a thing after him. | ||
| I had to follow him somewhere. | ||
| I can't remember what it was. | ||
| But it was for, like, Louis J. Gunn was one of these shows where being mean is like, okay, you know? | ||
| It encouraged. | ||
| Yeah, it encouraged. | ||
| It was like, Louis J is like, you gotta tell your most fucked up joke first and then try to get out of the hole. | ||
| And in my mind, I'm like, this sounds like a nightmare. | ||
| But they can tell us to do that. | ||
| And every comic made the same mistake where we came out and went, we tried to get, you know, comics, we try to play, we try to get around the rules a little bit. | ||
| I was going, he told us we had to say the most fucked up joke first. | ||
| So we all did that kind of buffer. | ||
| So it just didn't work for any of us. | ||
| But that guy was before me. | ||
| And so I thought about just recording into my phone like a thing, and acting like I'm him as my first thing, and I was like, this isn't gonna go over well, I'm just gonna... | ||
| Yeah, no one's gonna be on your side. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But I was like, you get a little more brave. | ||
| That guy has incredible balls to do that. | ||
| He can barely walk, can't move his arms well. | ||
| Playing your hand. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's playing his hand. | ||
| He's playing his hand. | ||
| He's been dealt that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And he's making the fucking best of it. | ||
| He's headlining in Key West. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I love it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's it. | |
| That's a great example. | ||
| Playing your hand. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He didn't go, oh, this is bullshit. | ||
| Send me money. | ||
| Dude, I have to piss so bad. | ||
| What's up? | ||
| I have to piss so bad. | ||
|
unidentified
|
All right. | |
| Should we wrap this up? | ||
| Yeah, let's do it, dude. | ||
| Last Cowboy. | ||
| Yes, Last Cowboy in LA comes out today. | ||
| Oh, alright. | ||
| It's out today, right? | ||
| This comes out tomorrow? | ||
| Where can people see it? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, so it comes out today, if you're hearing this. | ||
| It's on 800 Pound Gorilla, is the name of the production company. | ||
| So just go to YouTube, search Jeff Dye, Last Cowboy in LA, you can find it. | ||
| Hopefully you can search it. | ||
| Hopefully YouTube doesn't fuck your algorithm. | ||
| We'll see after some of this stuff. | ||
| My Trump interview. | ||
| Oh yeah, can we watch this? | ||
| Would that be alright? | ||
| I mean, it technically hasn't premiered yet. | ||
| I know, but this is a little trailer. | ||
| Can we watch the trailer? | ||
| Is that alright? | ||
| Yeah, let's watch the trailer and we'll wrap this up. | ||
| Everybody go see it rock bottom in Hollywood, California That is a bad place for rock bottom because everyone is mean to you there in Hollywood everyone my entire career Everybody in Hollywood's been like you're not even famous I've never heard of you. | ||
| You're not famous. | ||
| You're not even famous. | ||
| You're not famous. | ||
| I have never heard of you. | ||
| You're not famous. | ||
| You're not even famous. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And then I have one bad day, and it's like, famous comedian, crashes car, fights cop. | |
| I'm like, goddammit. | ||
| Where'd you film this? | ||
| Nashville. | ||
| Yes! | ||
| Yes! | ||
| Also, if I'm honest, I actually like trans women better than I like regular women. | ||
| I do. | ||
| Have you ever talked to a trans woman? | ||
| They're great. | ||
| They're like dudes. | ||
| Just for raw doggin' life, you know? | ||
| Was this at Zany's? | ||
| No. | ||
| Music venue. | ||
| This is brave, what I'm doing right now. | ||
| Hit him with the poetry! | ||
| Like, no, nothing. | ||
| I like her. | ||
| She likes naughty words. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Probably not a smart subject to do on my first special, but, you know, I just started cancer. | |
| All right. | ||
| Last cowboy. | ||
| Last cowboy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Check it out. | |
| Thanks, brother. | ||
| Thanks for having me on, man. | ||
| Appreciate you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
My pleasure. |
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