Sept. 24, 2024 - The Joe Rogan Experience
03:06:55
Participants
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
|
unidentified
|
Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out! | |
| The Joe Rogan Experience. | ||
| Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day! | ||
| Alright, bro. | ||
| Boys, good to see you. | ||
| What's happening? | ||
| What's up, Joe? | ||
| Um, you have a little adventure coming over here. | ||
| We did. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Got a little lost. | |
| We just stopped sweating. | ||
| This one- Did Hooper dropped off at the wrong spot? | ||
| This one might be on me. | ||
| No, no. | ||
| About halfway- Hooper dropped us off at the completely right spot in his mind. | ||
| And the amount that I cursed him because we thought it was the wrong spot, I mean... | ||
| That's on me. | ||
| That's on me because I should have got you guys the car service. | ||
| We have the car service. | ||
| It takes guys all... | ||
| I figured you guys were already here. | ||
| You had transportation. | ||
| What was funny was when we were at about, I don't know, three quarters into our three quarter mile walk here... | ||
| You sent somebody over to come get us, and he pulled up in a car, and he goes, you guys are for Joe, right? | ||
| And we said, yeah, and he goes, follow me, and then just drove away in the car. | ||
| No way! | ||
| You know what? | ||
| You were too sweaty. | ||
| Yeah, that's what it was. | ||
| We just had his shirt off still. | ||
| You can see him listening. | ||
| My eyes were gone. | ||
| My hair product was in my eyes. | ||
| Like, hey, are you guys here for Joe Rogan? | ||
| He told me to bring you this heat lamp. | ||
| Here, you can carry that with you. | ||
| The sauna is ready when you get this. | ||
| Pocket warmers, guys. | ||
| Can you guys carry these kettlebells over to the studio? | ||
| When I was in Utah, where it was like 50 degrees, and then I came right here to Austin, It was like 98 when I got out of the car. | ||
| I was like yo, I forgot! | ||
| Summer doesn't end in Texas. | ||
| It lasts a long time, but it does get winter here. | ||
| And it's hilarious when the Austin people don't know what the fuck to do and it snows out. | ||
| There's no infrastructure at all. | ||
| I got stuck in Houston for maybe four or five days because they had, I mean, I want to say a light flurry, and there's a little bit of ice, but Texas doesn't have, like, you know, trucks. | ||
| No plows. | ||
| When we had the big freeze the first year I moved here, they did nothing. | ||
| They did nothing. | ||
| They just let it thaw. | ||
| I was the one flight that was able to get out one time to go to Dallas For a gig and they had like it was three inches of snow But the whole place shuts down and the thank God because the car that picked me up to drive me to the hotel that night If there was other cars in the road dude, it would have been ping-ponging Every time he stopped the car would like turn sideways complete Because there was nobody else in the road so it didn't really matter Tell me the sketchiest feeling is not when you're in, like, Edmonton or some shit, and they have to spray that stuff on the wings. | ||
| Oh, yeah, de-icer. | ||
| The de-icer on the wings. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| You're like, yo, like, there's a real... | ||
| Because it's kind of a misty, freezing rain thing going on. | ||
| You're like, there's a real possibility, like, you know, fucking one in a thousand, one in a hundred thousand chance that those fucking things aren't going to go up. | ||
| Because they're frozen stuck, so they have to spray it. | ||
| And what would happen if those things didn't go up? | ||
| You're fucked! | ||
| Is that it? | ||
| There's no control of the plane! | ||
| I just don't... | ||
| I don't want to know anything. | ||
| I'm like, they gotta back up for that. | ||
| That's my thing. | ||
| I always... | ||
| I remember talking to... | ||
| I think it was Ben Bailey years ago, and I was like, you know, it's so funny. | ||
| The more I fly, the more I'm afraid of flying somehow. | ||
| I go, but I have to just assume... | ||
| Planes are designed that, like, if all fails, like, they're designed to kind of be able to be glided to safety. | ||
| You should look into that. | ||
| And he was like, no, if you lose all the engines, he goes, no, if you lose all the engines, it nosedives directly to the ground. | ||
| Well, that's why it was such a big deal, the miracle on the Hudson. | ||
| It was a miracle that the guy was able to land the plane when the engines went out, right? | ||
| And that's because that guy was, like, a real serious pilot. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That guy really knew how to fucking fly a plane. | ||
| I love the argument he's not a hero. | ||
| I love the argument that he's not. | ||
| It always makes me laugh. | ||
| They're like, he did his job. | ||
| He goes... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sure. | |
| Listen, if he was a trans woman from a third world country, he'd be the greatest hero of all time. | ||
| I remember when it landed, I was rooting for him to be drunk. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like, I just wanted him to come out and be like, I fucking did it! | |
| On coke. | ||
| I also wish there was, like, a drag queen that would do something heroic so everyone's gotta, like, praise the things of, like, you know, like, cunt lips, thunder tits. | ||
| They always got stupid names. | ||
| How weird is it that it's an argument whether or not drag queens should be reading books to kids? | ||
| What's the upside of that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whose idea was this? | |
| Can we talk to the first person who came up with this idea? | ||
| You know what kids are lacking these days? | ||
| The most aggressive gays yelling at them. | ||
| Sit and listen to the story, honey. | ||
| At the very least, I've met some very nice drag queens, but at the very least, it's an odd choice that might be one that someone's out of their fucking mind chooses. | ||
| It's a possibility, right? | ||
| It's not zero. | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| Well, I went to one... | ||
| It's almost like a... | ||
| We actually did a sketch. | ||
| We did a thing called Legion of Sketch where we performed dirty comedy to kids in a library, and that was the whole point, is that we were like, you know... | ||
| It's an adult job. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| It's not meant for little kids. | ||
| So somebody wearing makeup, and even though it's not inherently sexual, what they're doing in that moment, it's like their whole thing is meant for a nightclub for adults. | ||
| Well, the people who defend it, they always go, I don't know, have you ever been to one? | ||
| Like, it's just a guy in a dress reading a story. | ||
| It doesn't have to be weird. | ||
| But then you're like, you know what would be even less weird? | ||
| Is a guy not in a dress reading a story. | ||
| Or just a teacher. | ||
| Yeah, just like whoever the person happens today. | ||
| So I guess the argument for it would be, this is what makes these people happy. | ||
| We should normalize the fact that they want to dress up like very flamboyant women. | ||
| We should normalize. | ||
| That's the... | ||
| If you're doing porn make people happy, you shouldn't have porn stars reading books to kids either. | ||
| Right, but if you wanted to take the other side's position, like what would you say? | ||
| You would say, hey, this is fine to do that. | ||
| It's fine to do that. | ||
| But... | ||
| It's still a biological man who's dressed up like a woman who's reading things to kids. | ||
| It's like the odds of this being 100% really rational, fascinating person that's going to read books to your kid or someone who's out of their fucking mind. | ||
| It's not like a 0% thing. | ||
| It's like something you should be kind of concerned about. | ||
| If it was a stripper reading books to a kid... | ||
| Or an ex-convict! | ||
| Yeah, you would just go like, yeah, it's just not like... | ||
| The whole thing that's interesting about it is you take this fish out of water, and I just don't think you should be experimenting with kids. | ||
| How about guys on parole for violent crimes? | ||
| How about have them read to kids? | ||
| They give them puppies now. | ||
| How about corrupt politicians? | ||
| Have them read to kids. | ||
| That I object to the most. | ||
| How about CEOs have been arrested for embezzlement? | ||
| How about them reading to kids? | ||
| How about all kinds of, like, maybe cool, maybe cool, but maybe super fucking sketchy people reading stories to kids? | ||
| You know, there's a lot we could go with a lot of them. | ||
| It's reading time with Dashaun. | ||
| M-m-m-m-m-mary. | ||
| People convicted of violent assault, but they wouldn't do it again. | ||
| It was a bad move. | ||
| I was on one of those apps to hire a babysitter recently, and it's a very weird thing. | ||
| I'd never done it before, and it's almost like a dating app. | ||
| You're swiping left and right, but it's on for babysitters for your kids. | ||
| And I will say... | ||
| And I'm on the Legion of Skanks. | ||
| I'm a comedian. | ||
| I hang out in a pretty seedy world. | ||
| But it is amazing how judgmental you get when you're just judging a person off their face over whether they're gonna watch your kids. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Nose ring. | ||
| You'll never be more racist. | ||
| Tattoos on the face is a no-go. | ||
| It's not like being an MMA fighter. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's like, you might be cool, you might be a cool person, but... | ||
| Sugar Sean O'Malley can pull it off, Post Malone can pull it off, but not the fucking babysitter. | ||
| I'm considering getting a tattoo on my face at Skankfest. | ||
| Like, how about if there was... | ||
| That's a good idea. | ||
| How about if there was guys with tattoos on their faces that wanted to read stories to kids? | ||
| Would that be cool? | ||
| Who would be cool with that? | ||
| If it was Post Malone, you'd be like, of course! | ||
| He's so cool! | ||
| Let him read the stories to kids. | ||
| That'd be really fun. | ||
| Would you be weirded out if your kids had a face tattoo teacher at all? | ||
| Yeah, I'd be weirded out. | ||
| I would not like that. | ||
| Listen, Jelly Roll is the coolest motherfucker alive. | ||
| He's got face tattoos. | ||
| There's a lot of people that do them and wish they didn't do them or do them and are happy with them and like them. | ||
| It's cool, but the possibility of you being out of your fucking mind is in there. | ||
| No, no, absolutely. | ||
| But also, I just mean, also just for the idea that, like, I'm not, like, even like I said, I don't think a teacher with face tattoos might be the best teacher, like, in the world. | ||
| I just think it's like, as a parent, you'd walk in and be like, is this motherfuckers to you? | ||
| It's possible that they could be, though. | ||
| They might be the best teacher in history. | ||
| They have to be so good in spite of it. | ||
| They have to go so far above and beyond. | ||
| If someone with a face tattoo is an excellent teacher, then let them teach. | ||
| Inmates. | ||
| But stay away from my children. | ||
| I don't have time for this. | ||
| Isn't it funny we have no problem with sleeves? | ||
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|
unidentified
|
Like, if my kid's teacher had a sleeve, I'd be like, oh, the teacher's cool. | |
| But I think 30 years ago, they probably did. | ||
|
unidentified
|
If you showed up as a teacher 30 years ago, people are like, what the fuck? | |
| What the fuck is this guy doing? | ||
| Okay, biker Bob, get the fuck out of my classroom. | ||
| Now it is a sign of cool. | ||
| If you see someone with a button-down shirt, and this part of the arm you see is completely done, you're like, alright. | ||
| I'm a quiet cool guy. | ||
| I think there's probably conservative America would still feel a little weird about somebody with a sleeve teaching their little girl in kindergarten. | ||
| As a representative of conservative America here. | ||
| I will say, I was at my daughter's t-ball game, and there was one of the moms, pregnant, and one of her kids is in the t-ball game, and she's in shorts and just has two leg sleeve tattoos. | ||
| Now, no judgment. | ||
| It was fine. | ||
| But there was something where I was like, it's just a little odd. | ||
| Let's go, champ. | ||
| That's our generation. | ||
| Let's go, champ. | ||
| I'm judging the town for letting a girl play t-ball. | ||
| Yeah, that's crazy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ah! | |
| It is. | ||
| It's dangerous. | ||
| I'm judging you for coming out as conservative. | ||
| I now, Joe, this is my new grift. | ||
| I am now Mr. Conservative. | ||
| We gotta get Trump elected. | ||
| You've given up on this libertarian stuff. | ||
| There's no money in it. | ||
| I figured out. | ||
| There's definitely no money in it, but that's why they let it exist. | ||
| You know, if there was another legitimate party that was actually challenging to the Democrats and the Republicans, they would attack it. | ||
| They don't say a peep about the Libertarians. | ||
| Those are, in their eyes, the Libertarians are just vote stealers from the Republicans. | ||
| Yeah, they were mad when Trump came this year. | ||
| But aside from that, they don't really, they don't see us as a threat. | ||
| Yeah, no political party gets mad at the Libertarians. | ||
| They're fucking furious at the Republicans. | ||
| The Republicans are furious at the Democrats. | ||
| Nobody gives a fuck what the Libertarians say. | ||
| Including me, I agree, man. | ||
| Dave speaking at the thing was the funniest when he goes, Donald Trump's gonna come up here, and we're gonna show him that we know how to act and behave, and because we are the right party, and he went up there right away, and he was like, fuck you, you fucking I got off stage and I passed by Angela McArdle, who's the chair of the Libertarian Party, and I walked right by her and I went, 0% chance they listen. | ||
| Now let's go watch the shit show because this is going to be ridiculous. | ||
| So how much of a shit show was it? | ||
| Oh, it was awful. | ||
| I only watched a little bit of it. | ||
| They kicked me out of backstage, because it's like a Secret Service checkpoint thing or whatever, because they're real on top of that. | ||
| Not so big on people with rifles on buildings, but they got me out of there. | ||
| And so I go out, and I come back around in the main room, and I walk into the middle of just all the people. | ||
| And one of them, at one point Trump goes, he goes, I fired Comey. | ||
| And one of the libertarians goes, because he was on to you. | ||
| And I just turned to him and I went, that's not even the right heckle. | ||
| And then the guy goes, oh, what's the right heckle? | ||
| I was like, I can't give it to you right now. | ||
| It was a wild scene. | ||
| The Comey thing was, they were alleging, first of all, that the Clinton campaign was spying on the Trump campaign, right? | ||
| Yeah, it was after that. | ||
| He was trying to blackmail him, and fucking Trump caught on to that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| So he fired him. | ||
| Yeah, for sure. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| For sure? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| No. | ||
| How do you know? | ||
| So, okay, so if... | ||
| Oh, here we go, guys. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Here we go. | |
| So, you know how, like, uh... | ||
| You know, we yelled at Kurt about this. | ||
| He came in and he goes, P. Diddy definitely fucked everybody and did this and raped everyone. | ||
| And then we're like, well, how do you know? | ||
| He's like, ugh, I read. | ||
| It doesn't really mean anything. | ||
| You're always reading somebody else's numbers. | ||
| But that's what you can do in comedy is that is enough to checkmate most comedians. | ||
| He does read. | ||
| Alright. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, it's also just a funny thing to say. | ||
| Because you could also be admitting the ridiculousness of it yourself while saying, I read. | ||
| You know, because it's kind of an admission. | ||
| Like, I'm not there. | ||
| I didn't go to the freakoff. | ||
| I don't know what the fuck happened. | ||
| I went to one of these parties, and man, P. Diddy was like, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go fuck Meek Mill in the butt. | ||
| But, like, that's never going to happen. | ||
| No one comes out and says that. | ||
| So if you're looking at that... | ||
| What makes you conclude that he definitely was doing that? | ||
| Because he basically, the first time they ever met, he presented him with the Steele dossier, which had all of the, like, dirt. | ||
| That's the peepee stuff, right? | ||
| Yeah, all the peepee shit in it. | ||
| Or I shouldn't say shit. | ||
| There was no shit alleged. | ||
| Just piss. | ||
| Russian piss. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Alleged Russian piss. | ||
| That's the aspect Jay wants to make sure. | ||
| Is that what collusion means? | ||
| Something like that. | ||
| They just play so dirty. | ||
| They play dirty like a movie. | ||
| It's pretty crazy. | ||
| It's really wild. | ||
| That was the number one fear of having these big agencies have so much power that they would never want to relinquish it. | ||
| They would never want to say, like, hey, look, we're patriots. | ||
| I think we should follow by the rule of the Constitution and let the people decide. | ||
| It's like everything else, man. | ||
| Once you start running shit, you don't want to stop. | ||
| I've seen friends of mine have way less power go to their head. | ||
| It's weird, right? | ||
| I wouldn't trust these two with power. | ||
| But it is a weird thing to watch, right? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| It's bizarre. | ||
| That's human beings, though, man. | ||
| Now, imagine that, but with no showbiz. | ||
| No showbiz. | ||
| So you get in that rush, but now the rush is controlling the world. | ||
| Yeah, it's like the way we feel about, like, crushing on stage is the way Hillary Clinton feels about crushing Libya. | ||
| We came, we saw, he died! | ||
| I fucking crushed! | ||
| Wasn't that L. Ron Hubbard, though? | ||
| L. Ron Hubbard was like, hey, this will be funny. | ||
| I'll start this and go into this, start a religion. | ||
| And then, like, years later, he said when his friends he told that to hit him up like, this is crazy, dude, you did it. | ||
| He's like, you know, you ran that scam. | ||
| And he's like, scam? | ||
| You better get your Thetan's levels checked if you're gonna say it. | ||
| He just started eating his own shit, because, like, uh... | ||
| Well, he was... | ||
| Do you know that he's the most prolific writer in human history? | ||
| Sci-fi was, yeah. | ||
| More fiction than any other human being ever. | ||
| More than Stephen King? | ||
| More than anybody. | ||
| And one Bible. | ||
| Dude, more than anybody. | ||
| And not a second draft amongst them. | ||
| Everything he wrote was nonsense. | ||
| Everything he wrote was hot nonsense. | ||
| If you read it, it's like the dumbest stories. | ||
| Do you remember the Dianetics commercials? | ||
| Do you remember the commercials with the volcano, like the lava was going on, and it just gave you like... | ||
| Like the most generalized things anyone feels, he goes, are you sometimes tired and sometimes awake? | ||
| You did it before, right, Lewis, when they had to test some time-square people? | ||
| It was just kind of cool. | ||
| I was like a dumb kid, so they were like, hey, do you want us to test your stress levels? | ||
| I was like, boy, do I! And I went over and I held these dumb things, and they're like, yup! | ||
| The words that go like that? | ||
| Yeah, they're like, you're stressed. | ||
| And I was like, I am, right? | ||
| They're like, come on inside. | ||
| They brought me into this weird thing. | ||
| They tried to sell me a book. | ||
| I don't really remember. | ||
| I did that, too. | ||
| And I did that in San Diego. | ||
| I was down there filming something, and we were in the park. | ||
| And it was at a time where a lot of people didn't know who I am, and I could sneak in. | ||
| And I sat down at this guy's table, and he gave me the e-meter, and I put my hands in the things, and he told me what it was reading. | ||
| I'm like, how does this thing function? | ||
| What is it reading off my body? | ||
| And the dude was like, ugh. | ||
| I don't want to explain. | ||
| He didn't want to really be there. | ||
| He's just a member who got roped into doing this thing. | ||
| He had zero enthusiasm about the sale. | ||
| They have the street team job for... | ||
| It's the lowest level. | ||
| It's the lowest level job you could have is having to go out and bark people into your church. | ||
| Have you guys read Lawrence Wright's book about it? | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| It's called Going Clear. | ||
| Oh, I saw the documentary, the HBO thing. | ||
| Yeah, the documentary basically tells you all you need to hear. | ||
| Thank God. | ||
| It's such a strange religion. | ||
| But here's the thing about it, man. | ||
| This is what's weird about religions. | ||
| I'm a moron, but I occasionally have these moments where I'm like, I think I know what the fuck is going on. | ||
| If you really believe it, it benefits your life. | ||
| Even if it's hot nonsense. | ||
| Even if it's a 14-year-old kid who finds golden tablets that contain the lost work of Jesus and only he can read it because he has a magic rock. | ||
| But if you get enough of those people, they make great neighbors. | ||
| Like, it fucking works, man. | ||
| They just want their kids to go to school. | ||
| But here's my question. | ||
| Is it better to be an atheist and to be this person who just, like, objectively looks at the world and, like, none of this makes sense. | ||
| There's no way there could be a god. | ||
| I think when you die, you die. | ||
| And that guy's fucking miserable. | ||
| That guy's taking medication and all of his friends think he's annoying. | ||
| I'm a devout atheist, and you're right about all that. | ||
| You believe in a higher power? | ||
| No, I don't not believe. | ||
| That's what my girlfriend says when I ask her. | ||
| I believe there's more to the universe and more to life than we can think of through our narrow field of perception. | ||
| That's what I think. | ||
| I think there's more to human contact and interaction than just people talking to each other. | ||
| I think there's a thinly veiled reality that we live in where we express our souls to each other. | ||
| That's what I think. | ||
| And I think it's a very complicated and confusing thing that's fucked up by lies and deception and violence and war. | ||
| Well, so many of them, I think. | ||
| And it's enhanced by friendship and love and communication. | ||
| And it's weird... | ||
| There's a thing going on that's beyond just like you're born and you die. | ||
| And if that thing keeps going when the physical body stops existing, I wouldn't be surprised. | ||
| I think religion is always the funniest to dial back to, though, because all the organized stuff, you were doing the Joe Smith story, finds the tablets or the plates and everything. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right, right, right. | |
| Can that be more of a religion that was like, pitched by a dude to a bunch of dudes? | ||
| Well, this is a kid. | ||
| It turns out we could have a whole bunch of chicks and they always have to live next to each other. | ||
| And you, yeah, fuck one this night and then the other night. | ||
| It was like racist up until like 30 years ago. | ||
| They were like black people were like the seed of the devil or whatever. | ||
| And then they changed it. | ||
| They were like, no, no, no, they're cool now. | ||
| You can't be racist when your women are bearded. | ||
| You ever see sister wives? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's not like you're stoked to have three of them. | |
| Yeah, but dude, two fours is an eight. | ||
| When you know the guy who wrote it, that's when shit gets sketchy. | ||
| Yeah, there is something about when it's from thousands of years ago. | ||
| It's easy to go like, look, there was a burning bush and God spoke to this guy. | ||
| And you're like, when? | ||
| Like 5,000 years ago. | ||
| You're like, all right, fine. | ||
| But when you're just like, three Wednesdays ago, it happened. | ||
| You're like, I'm not buying that. | ||
| There's enough stories that are similar about the ancient stories of, like, apocalypses, like, the stuff about, like, the epic of Gilgamesh is real similar to Noah and the Ark. | ||
| There's enough of those stories. | ||
| Yeah, like, Jesus was, like, they keep on just re-describing him from, like, thousands of years before Jesus was around. | ||
| That story of him being the son of God and all that other stuff. | ||
| The virgin mother. | ||
| He's a black woman now. | ||
| Jesus is trans. | ||
| Jesus is a black woman. | ||
| He could have been an alien. | ||
| Jesus? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| That's the most Joe Rogan sentence I've ever heard. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It could have been. | |
| Jesus could have been an alien. | ||
| If there was like someone who came here and didn't make any sense that he was born and he just existed but knew everything and was the son of God and was trying to straighten everybody out and then they kill him. | ||
| And he's like, alright, we tried. | ||
| It literally could be an alien. | ||
| I mean, if you're thinking about how long ago this is, this is thousands of years of people telling a story, right? | ||
| I mean, how long after Jesus is dead before they even write the new stuff? | ||
| Well, why does no one consider that that long ago people wrote fiction? | ||
| Hundreds of years after his death, right? | ||
| At least a hundred years after his death? | ||
| But you know what I'm saying? | ||
| Also, years ago, no one considers the idea of works of fiction. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Everything then was just written from the thing versus someone making entertainment. | ||
| There's a combination of that and then real events they're trying to document. | ||
| So both things are true. | ||
| Because they had a lot of shit going on back then. | ||
| They didn't have to write fiction. | ||
| They were getting killed by swords. | ||
| People getting lit on fire and shot with arrows. | ||
| There's not a time to be making shit up. | ||
| Yeah, it's like what happened to your brother, and it's like, I don't know, a beast got ahold of him. | ||
| It can't be all Colosseum, man. | ||
| Once in a while you gotta wind back and there's no video games. | ||
| Listen, that's life then, though. | ||
| You're not gonna write Harry Potter when you're getting slayed by the Romans. | ||
| That's why you're fighting a line. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He goes, I got the good idea of something with, like, I don't know, a magical school. | |
| The dude can walk on water. | ||
| He walked on fucking water. | ||
| And then he put a guy's ear back on. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ah! | |
| Water into wine. | ||
| Come on, who's not happy with that idea? | ||
| A lot of those miracles, I am studying magic right now for my magic show at Skankfest, and I'm reading a book about magic, but a lot of those miracles that they talk about, it's theorized that they were just like magicians that were like doing tricks for people, and they would get like... | ||
| By the way, Jesus Christ would be a great name for a magician if there was no Jesus Christ. | ||
| It's got a Criss Angel ring to it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, that's a great name. | |
| Yeah, Jesus Christ would be amazing. | ||
| Come see Jesus Christ live at the Rio. | ||
| Yeah, because it's got like a little bit of a Latin flair, because you know you could say it like Jesus. | ||
| Mexicans are the only people that I know of, or I guess Spanish people as well, where the name Jesus, it's literally Jesus. | ||
| You can name your kid Jesus. | ||
| Like, how many Muslim kids are named Muhammad? | ||
| A lot! | ||
| It was like the number one name for boys in Ireland like a couple years ago. | ||
| Muhammad? | ||
| Yeah, Muhammad. | ||
| It freaked people out. | ||
| They're like, what? | ||
| But you can't name your son, your American son, Jesus. | ||
| It's gonna raise a few eyebrows if you bring baby Jesus to the daycare. | ||
| But isn't that crazy? | ||
| I know you legally can't name your child Jesus Christ. | ||
| Oh, is that true? | ||
| Legally, you can't. | ||
| I swear to God. | ||
| Do you think the pendulum's gonna swing back to, like, there was a time... | ||
| Naming kids Jesus? | ||
| No, but naming kids... | ||
| There was no actual lines drawn on naming years and years ago, as far as race goes, so... | ||
| My grandmother's boyfriend when she died, his still name was Jerome. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| There's old Tyrone, like white Tyrones. | ||
| Wait, dude, that just stopped one day and those became black names. | ||
| These are all names that are ruled illegal by courts within the U.S. So Bobby Green just got his name changed to King. | ||
| He got his name legally changed to King Green. | ||
| Yeah, he's going to have to take this to the Supreme Court. | ||
| Maybe not, because it said... | ||
| Go back to that, please. | ||
| But the states... | ||
| But before that, it was like showing how many states... | ||
| Does it say that? | ||
| Why can't it be 1069? | ||
| So it was just the way it was phrased in the earlier thing that you had. | ||
| Okay, here it is. | ||
| There's a handful of names that were ruled illegal by courts within the U.S. So that could be local courts. | ||
| So in some areas, it's illegal to have these names. | ||
| Not all areas. | ||
| But imagine you can't even call your kid Santa Claus. | ||
| How about Majesty? | ||
| Imagine you can't call your kid Adolf Hitler. | ||
| I'm gonna name my kid Roman numeral two. | ||
| You could only call your kid Majesty if you are an R&B singer. | ||
| Oh, those are the best. | ||
| There's so many rapper kids. | ||
| There's so many rapper kids, like Prince. | ||
| Yeah, that's fine. | ||
| Is it just that spelling, though? | ||
| Could I name my kid Messiah with an apostrophe in the middle? | ||
| Right, I bet you could. | ||
| I bet you'd change the spelling. | ||
| There you go. | ||
| Messiah needs an apostrophe. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Go back to that again. | |
| Let me see the list. | ||
| What is the third? | ||
| You can't be the third? | ||
| You can't be the Roman numeral three? | ||
| That can't be your name? | ||
| Does that come up a lot? | ||
| Do they have to make it illegal? | ||
| Imagine all the shit that's legal. | ||
| Boss was gonna name his kid after his third album. | ||
| They'll let you in the border, but whatever you do, don't use that number three thing, that Roman three. | ||
| That's fucked up, dude. | ||
| You can't call your baby Roman number three. | ||
| But like two and four are okay? | ||
| Okay. | ||
| A North Dakota man named Michael Herbert Dangler, who was adopted, wanted to change his name to these four numbers which held philosophical and personal significance for him. | ||
| State court rejected his name change request in 1976, saying numbers can't be used, can't be names due to potential confusion. | ||
| But isn't Elon Musk's kid's name like the sounds AOL used to make? | ||
| Well, he calls his son X, but it's like a bunch of other letters, too. | ||
| Bro, imagine if you were that guy's son, but you were a moron. | ||
| That would suck. | ||
| I mean, Arnold Schwarzenegger had a son that was a schlub, and then the one he didn't know he had looked just like him and was shredded and working out constantly. | ||
| Yeah, it's hilarious. | ||
| I think the other son's jacked too now. | ||
| Oh, is he? | ||
| He had to catch up to him because he was a schlubby kid. | ||
| Sometimes you just, you know, fuck dad. | ||
| I don't even want to lift weights. | ||
| If you're all Schwarzenegger, you have so much privilege, I would just never want to lift weights at that point. | ||
| I can never imagine building the foundation as a young Schwarzenegger to be like, I'm just going to work really hard now at something. | ||
| Right, because you were born inside that house. | ||
| You're half Kennedy, half Schwarzenegger, that's crazy. | ||
| Tom Hanks has a son that became another Tom, like Hanks person, you know, tucking in his polo shirts on a Sunday, and then one went full wigger. | ||
| So it's like... | ||
| There's like a thing about the way you name your kid that someone brought up the other day. | ||
| Fuck, I wish I remember who was saying this. | ||
| But there's like an actual principle to it, and I think it's based on Chet Hanks. | ||
| It's like calling him Chet. | ||
| Just sets him up to be a Chet. | ||
| Oh, it's like, yeah, you've never met Awesome. | ||
| Chaz Palminteri is the exception to the rule. | ||
| That's not what you picture when you picture a Chaz. | ||
| Well, it's in Chaz Palmer. | ||
| Is that his full name? | ||
| Is that how you say it? | ||
| Or is it a shortened version? | ||
| It's probably Charles, is what my guess would be. | ||
| There's certain names that are associated. | ||
| I have an ex-girlfriend. | ||
| I won't even say her name. | ||
| This is how crazy she is. | ||
| Every girl I've ever met with this name is a crazy bitch. | ||
| But she's so crazy that I refuse to say her name that loud. | ||
| Wow, it's like Beetlejuice. | ||
| Yeah, dude. | ||
| I saw Beetlejuice last night. | ||
| How was it? | ||
| It's fucking great. | ||
| It's fun as shit, man. | ||
| Enough nostalgia. | ||
| I heard the reviews are not good. | ||
| That's probably why you like it. | ||
| I heard the reviews were already. | ||
| I heard the crow was terrible. | ||
| I didn't hear about the reviews until after I saw it though. | ||
| I didn't know anything about it. | ||
| I just went in cold. | ||
| It was great. | ||
| That was like the female Ghostbusters. | ||
| Everyone hated it so much that I watched it on a flight. | ||
| I was like, it wasn't that bad. | ||
| It was kind of fun. | ||
| But Beetlejuice is better than that. | ||
| Beetlejuice is really good. | ||
| The female Ghostbusters was terrible. | ||
| It's fucking great, man. | ||
| It's like on par with the original movie. | ||
| It's Tim Burton at its best. | ||
| It's really good, man. | ||
| I fucking enjoyed the shit out of it. | ||
| When I heard that people didn't like it, I was like, really? | ||
| Well, I believe all the bullshit I read right away where they're like, Michael Keaton's only in it for 10 minutes. | ||
| Well, that was the point. | ||
| No, that's not true. | ||
| So they wanted to make sure that he wasn't in it anymore. | ||
| Because in the first movie, he was only in it for 13 minutes, the total, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| So they were like, they didn't want to change that element, so they purposely made it so he was in it for around the same amount of time. | ||
| Yeah, all that fucking number stock is nonsense. | ||
| The movie's fun. | ||
| You don't give a shit if he's in there. | ||
| Winona Ryder's great. | ||
| Everybody's great. | ||
| It's a fucking fun movie, man. | ||
| And it's Tim Burton at his weird best. | ||
| It's very weird. | ||
| Winona Ryder's a wild one. | ||
| No one trusted Alec Baldwin on set anymore. | ||
| I met Winona Ryder on the streets in New York City when I was selling comedy club tickets right after she got arrested for shoplifting. | ||
| That was the most bizarre thing ever. | ||
| Because you could have got her. | ||
| You're like, oh my god, she has the same likes as me. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I can afford to buy you makeup, you crazy bitch. | |
| But it's just genuinely like craziness, right? | ||
| Because she's rich. | ||
| She was a movie star at that time. | ||
| She didn't need the money. | ||
| She got the itch, dude. | ||
| I think it was a thrill thing. | ||
| I think it's for a lot of people, it's a thrill thing. | ||
| What's the last thing you stole, Joe? | ||
| I stole a candy bar when I was 13. That's the last thing? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I got caught. | ||
| I was so embarrassed. | ||
| What, like a security guard? | ||
| Yeah, a security guard pulled me into a back room. | ||
| I was terrified. | ||
| And I didn't even know what I was doing. | ||
| I was just doing it because I thought I could get away with it. | ||
| You know? | ||
| We were fucking young kids walking around. | ||
| Yeah, that's really the thing. | ||
| What's the worst thing you got caught stealing? | ||
| Mine was stuffing porn magazines down the front of my pants and putting my shirt over it. | ||
| Oh my god, try reselling that now. | ||
| The guy at the drugstore was baiting me to do it. | ||
| Like he couldn't wait. | ||
| He was baiting you? | ||
| Like he was leaving porn out? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| The porn section was in this magazine. | ||
| He tricked him! | ||
| He tricked him! | ||
|
unidentified
|
A porno mag and then he's got like a fishing rod. | |
| Baiting is the wrong word for him. | ||
| He knew I was getting ready. | ||
| He felt that I was waiting to find my moment. | ||
| He could have stopped you before you did the climb. | ||
| He could have stopped me before I did it and said, hey, you can't be in here unless you're going to blah blah blah. | ||
| I kind of made notice. | ||
| He laid back and I was kind of like, he knows? | ||
| I'm like, I guess not. | ||
| He's just sitting there. | ||
| And then an old man spinning you around and lifting your shirt to show the half of porn magazines sticking up. | ||
| How old were you? | ||
| Just ran, like 12 maybe? | ||
| I ran so fast. | ||
| 12 year old boys should not be left alone. | ||
| For their own devices. | ||
| I used to rob cars when I was 12 years old. | ||
| Me and my friends would break into cars in the ShopRite parking lot and just clear out all the change in the center console. | ||
| All it takes is one bad kid in the neighborhood that's fun. | ||
| My biggest steal wasn't even for money or anything. | ||
| I was staying at my grandmother's friend's house. | ||
| My aunt and Ed and Uncle Herb. | ||
| And Uncle Herb had a nice stack of porn magazines that I found. | ||
| There's a pattern. | ||
| There's a pattern. | ||
| No, this is funny. | ||
| Well, this is one I thought I'd get away with for no reason. | ||
| I took a bunch. | ||
| I think every one of these stories is going to end with Jay being spun around and his shirt lifted up. | ||
| This is proverbially that because I took a few of his giant stack being like, he'll never miss these. | ||
| And if he does, he's not going to think it was me. | ||
| And if he does think it's me, we're going to have this quiet code of like, what are you going to tell my mom? | ||
| I took your... | ||
| It's like so many people have to find out about your porn magazines now. | ||
| That's exactly what he did. | ||
| He didn't give a shit. | ||
| He was like, I want my porn magazines back. | ||
| And then went down the channels from my grandmom to my mom, and I was like, oh, did I grab these? | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's hilarious. | |
| Oh, dude, that's such an embarrassing to get a phone call. | ||
| It goes, your Uncle Herb wants his... | ||
| Dude, pre-internet porn was like gold. | ||
| When you're a kid at that age, were you... | ||
| Because we had a magazine that we found in the woods, and another kid stole it from us. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Every kid. | |
| And it was a thing. | ||
| Every kid found dirty in the woods. | ||
| Yeah, of course. | ||
| You just hope that it was wet for the right reasons. | ||
| They're always damp. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, then I had that one at home for a little while, and I used to live in a shitty apartment, so I had like a drop ceiling. | ||
| So I used to keep it inside of my ceiling to hide it from my mom. | ||
| And I would just, it was like literally covered in mud and Water? | ||
| Did you guys see that shit that was going down in Philadelphia yesterday, one of those street takeovers? | ||
| I saw a video, but I don't know what it is. | ||
| A cop car drives towards it and hits his lights and thinks he's gonna get them to scatter, and they just jump all over the car? | ||
| I didn't see that video. | ||
| I saw a couple of them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's crazy. | |
| And what is it they're doing? | ||
| Check this out. | ||
| Look, so the cop, they've got a street takeover. | ||
| So they just decided to stay in the middle of the street and block traffic. | ||
| Oh, is it a protest? | ||
| No, I don't know what they're doing. | ||
| I think they're just getting crazy. | ||
| I don't know if they're protesting anything. | ||
| I think they're just a group of kids just decided to get crazy. | ||
| This is a United States of America. | ||
| This is like one of the... | ||
| If you saw that this was happening in Ecuador, you'd be like, yo, Ecuador's out of control, right? | ||
| But no, this is the United States of America in Philadelphia. | ||
| Watch what happens in this cop car. | ||
| Wait, what was the first? | ||
| Go back a little bit. | ||
| What was the person who spun out with, like, a person hanging off the car? | ||
| They're going crazy. | ||
| It's a street takeover. | ||
| They're doing that with their cars. | ||
| That's what they're doing. | ||
| So they block traffic, and then they spin around in circles in their cars, and they organize it. | ||
| So this cop tries to break it up, and they just fuck this cop's car up, dude. | ||
| Hundreds of kids. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| And no one's in control of them. | ||
| Go birds. | ||
| I mean if you are in that situation and you're parked in your car in like traffic because there's like- If I'm a cop? | ||
| No, but what if you're not a cop? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm a cop right now. | |
| I'm just starting to blast everybody for the windshield. | ||
| You can't shoot enough people. | ||
| There's hundreds of people. | ||
| It is so funny. | ||
| They'll get you and they'll kill you. | ||
| I can get 16 of them. | ||
| You might be able to get three of them. | ||
| The first time you see someone with authority in your life or something, Have to realize like a can't win situation is awkward. | ||
| Do you know what I mean? | ||
| Like seeing a cop have to like kind of surrender or have to give up. | ||
| My step-pop when we were younger, we were driving back. | ||
| My step-pop was like a power lifter always. | ||
| Like a big, like a tough guy to me, I always thought. | ||
| And we were driving back from the Philadelphia Zoo one day through Fairmount Park and they had shut it down for what's called the Greek Picnic, which is all the black fraternities like party in this big giant park. | ||
| I love the old Greek guy that shows up for it. | ||
| Jamie, put that video back up. | ||
| These guys were coming, and they were just walking all through the street, all these black frat dudes, and it was a traffic jam because they're in the middle of the street, and sitting on the hood of our car and stuff like that. | ||
| And my step-pop just being like, I just see him just sitting there eating it. | ||
| And, like, realizing that I was like, you know, it was almost like that, Joe, why aren't you gonna? | ||
| You know what? | ||
| You're right. | ||
| Like, this is just an unwinnable thing. | ||
| That's one of my biggest fears, that I'm gonna be with my son, and I'm gonna get chumped out by tougher men than me. | ||
| It's the most horrifying thing in the world, dude. | ||
| Look at this video, and imagine if you're a person that just was going to see your aunt, got in your car, and got stuck behind this. | ||
| You had no idea you're gonna be trapped in this kind of traffic, and they're just gonna block off the street for who knows how long. | ||
| I just have to join them to start doing fucking donuts. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| That's my car on fire. | ||
| The likelihood of one of these kids getting run over is very high. | ||
| It happens all the time. | ||
| All the time. | ||
| They get hit by cars all the time. | ||
| They go flying through the air. | ||
| It's like a dumb thing that they do. | ||
| Are these stolen cars? | ||
| Yeah, they're stolen cars. | ||
| But these guys get so close to each other that they hit each other all the time. | ||
| All the time. | ||
| People go flying through the air. | ||
| Boom! | ||
| If you're a teenager, it does look like it's a lot of fun. | ||
| Oh, look, man, if you don't have a dad, and your mom's a cunt, and she does meth, yeah, I'd be there, too. | ||
| It's a nice cut loose. | ||
| Dude, being in the middle right there, dude, imagine being in the middle right there, you'd feel like a king. | ||
| Yeah, if your dad beats you, you know, if your dad's an alcoholic who just beats the shit out of you, and the only love you get is from your friends on the streets. | ||
| Yeah, I'd be doing that too. | ||
| I was telling these guys yesterday, I saw a video where it's a guy, people filming anything now, it's a guy in Times Square who films himself going up and just talk robbing a guy. | ||
| Like, just talk. | ||
| He just goes, hey man, come here, come here. | ||
| He goes, you're doing a new documentary called I Just Got Robbed. | ||
| He's like, what? | ||
| He goes, I'm gonna need your wallet. | ||
| Don't run. | ||
| Don't be weird. | ||
| He's just like, intimidate. | ||
| The guy's name is Rob. | ||
| He's clever. | ||
| The kid's so... | ||
| Happy that he's not getting beat up, and just nervous, and happy that he's not getting beat up. | ||
| Like, he pleasantly, like, gives him everything, and it's kind of like, now go over there. | ||
| He's like, alright, man, be easy, man, be easy. | ||
| And the guy's like, alright, man, cool. | ||
| Like, he just gives him his stuff and walks away. | ||
| He gives him his stuff back? | ||
| No. | ||
| No, no, no, he robs him. | ||
| He does it on YouTube. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's pretty nuts. | ||
| Is it even illegal, though? | ||
| Are you sure it's real? | ||
| It seems very, very real. | ||
| Are you sure that he doesn't give it back to him after they stop filming so that it's not a crime and it's just a stunt? | ||
| No, I think this happens all the time. | ||
| People get arrested, actually, for it. | ||
| Really? | ||
| You don't have to know how crazy you are. | ||
| There's people who film some guy holding their guns and saying, I'm about to go kill so-and-so. | ||
| This happens all the time in New York. | ||
| This happened to a former Miss New York. | ||
| She was in the park, and these two young, maybe Puerto Rican kids or black kids, they come up and be like, hey, we're trying to sell candy for our basketball team, that old scam. | ||
| And then she was like, I don't have any cash. | ||
| They were like, oh, you could send us a Zelle. | ||
| And she was like, sure. | ||
| And then they got her to give them their phone, and then they just sent themselves $2,000 on her Zelle and handed her a phone back and just ran away. | ||
| And they just couldn't get the money back. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I stopped paying attention when you said they may have been black or Puerto Rican, and you said selling candy for their football team or whatever. | ||
| I'm like, it definitely was black or Puerto Rican. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, no, no. | |
| I know. | ||
| I was struck they were black or Puerto Rican. | ||
| Never had a white kid try to run the old buy some M&Ms from me scam. | ||
| You gotta have laws, kids. | ||
| It's dangerous out there. | ||
| You leave people to their own devices, and you get that shit. | ||
| You get people going wild in the streets. | ||
| It's very scary to see that. | ||
| Thank God we all survived being that age, because you're just so stupid, and yet you're in the body of kind of a grown-up, and you just have, like, all this, you know, just testosterone and fucking being young and not knowing. | ||
| Like, I could so easily, if I lived in Philly, have been at one of those things. | ||
| Oh, I was a handful of decisions away from being at one of those things when I was a kid. | ||
| But does that guy, does the guy, the idiot who keeps jumping over the car and lighting the fire in the middle, is he look back like, is he 55 one day going like, oh yeah, I was a little rap scallion. | ||
| Do you think he lives to be 55? | ||
| No, probably not. | ||
| He probably dies under a donut of a souped up SUV. There's a high likelihood that young man's involved in other questionable activities. | ||
| No, maybe, but I'm saying, but there's just those guys, like, I don't know how you, like, grow up out of that that's gonna be something that really nails it. | ||
| I mean, my childhood wasn't crazy far from that. | ||
| I mean, I just wasn't with that crew, but I was doing pretty, like, rancid shit. | ||
| I was stealing and... | ||
| You guys just couldn't afford to pull that off. | ||
| You would've. | ||
| Well, it wasn't a thing. | ||
| It wasn't a thing back then. | ||
| Like, that's only been a thing for the last, like, how many years, Jamie? | ||
| As the street takeovers? | ||
| Yeah, with the internet. | ||
| To make internet videos, yeah. | ||
| 15, 20, I don't know. | ||
| Honestly, maybe. | ||
| Never. | ||
| When I was a kid, there was none of that. | ||
| No one ever blocked this street and did donuts. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| You did donuts in the school parking lot if you knew where the cops were. | ||
| They would drag race though in Philly. | ||
| They would like stop, block off streets and like drag race. | ||
| Yeah, that's true. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| Did you find Jamie the guy robbing? | ||
| I checked a couple places. | ||
| 1980s? | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| It's Instagram, actually. | ||
| Sideshows. | ||
| They call them sideshows? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| That's how I saw it first. | ||
| It's a thing from the Bay area. | ||
| So they first occurred from the streets of Oakland during the mid-1980s. | ||
| Back in the olden days. | ||
| It does seem like a very Asian-y activity. | ||
| Yeah, I think them stealing the cars is probably more of a newer thing. | ||
| Back in the day, it was like a car show, essentially. | ||
| Right. | ||
| They were showing off their cars. | ||
| Yeah, in the 70s and 80s, they'd have the ones with the hydraulics and shit. | ||
| That would happen. | ||
| Oh, it comes from a Bay Area rapper, Richie Rich's, Sideshow. | ||
| Damn Bancroft to the light. | ||
| Let me warm it up. | ||
| I hit a donut tight. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Rap sucks. | |
| I hit a donut-type Chevy on my side, window straight tinted. | ||
| He got hype when he saw me spinning. | ||
| Who likes this? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I do. | |
| I like a lot of it. | ||
| It's fun. | ||
| What, rap? | ||
| Sun rap is fun. | ||
| I know. | ||
| I love tons of rap. | ||
| Whatever that was was terrible. | ||
| Also, you didn't really sell it. | ||
| If I was at an audition, I'd be like, Big J, next time. | ||
| I want you to be in the moment. | ||
| You're rapping about these things. | ||
| You really feel this. | ||
| You feel very strongly about these issues. | ||
| You're trying to lure Louis We have to rap battle this Friday at Skatefest. | ||
| I see what you're doing. | ||
| Although I have a feeling it's gonna be better than what I did, but if we find the song sideways or whatever, I bet that guy doesn't kill it. | ||
| It's all that, because that has to come from the era. | ||
| Well, it's the 90s, I guess, so it might not be mumble rap. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Some of the fucking 90s stuff still holds up, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| Most of it does. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know what I listened to the other day? | ||
| Tim Dawg. | ||
| Tim Dogg, you remember that guy? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, I don't think so. | |
| He was like the first guy who went against the guys from Compton. | ||
| Was he based out of L.A.? No, he was a New York guy. | ||
| Yeah, he had a song called Fuck Compton. | ||
| I was pretty ballsy at the time. | ||
| Well, that was the worst rap beef ending ever. | ||
| NWA split up from Ice Cube, and then Dr. Dre left, and then him and his E went and did their own thing, and then that beef ended in an AIDS death. | ||
| You don't see those ones happen anymore. | ||
| Well, those beefs, they would go to actual shooting each other. | ||
| That's what's the craziest thing. | ||
| Like, never in the history of show business was there a scenario where stars were having other stars murdered. | ||
| Like, openly. | ||
| Well, it's happening now more than ever. | ||
| It's easier to become a quote-unquote star on the internet now. | ||
| So a lot of these guys are getting really popular and then getting killed like young rappers. | ||
| You know the wildest conspiracy theory about that has to do with intelligence agencies? | ||
| Oh, that the CIA made them gangster and shit like that? | ||
| That they funded it and promoted it because they wanted to fill prisons. | ||
| It's the wildest... | ||
| You want to destabilize society, and you get kids, like young kids, who are like we're talking about, dumb, stupid, real easily influenced, don't know what the fuck's going on, and you introduce them to rap music. | ||
| It will most certainly change the way they think about life. | ||
| Yeah, especially, all I'm saying, I don't know enough about that whole conspiracy and stuff, but it is crazy if you're like, if you remember the 80s and 90s, the transformation from hip-hop, from being like the KRS-One, kind of like, there were all these songs about cleaning up their streets and listening to your dad, | ||
| and like, It took this drastic turn from being very positive, pro-black kind of thing, to just all of a sudden being like, we're killing everybody, and fuck bitches. | ||
| It's so funny, because I listen to a lot of hip-hop when I work out, but I'll be listening to the most hardcore shit, and I'm just like, this is nice, let me turn up the treadmill a little bit. | ||
| But if you're in the hood, it's just inspiring you to murder people and rub banks. | ||
| My favorite workout rap is Nas because the lyrics are so good. | ||
| It gets you hyped up. | ||
| That's the thing about the 90s hip-hop. | ||
| It was so lyrically based. | ||
| You gotta listen to any beef raps. | ||
| Any beef raps are the best to work out to. | ||
| And I take no sides. | ||
| I'll listen to Biggie and Tupac. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I just want the aggression. | |
| Fuck you, Tupac! | ||
| Remember when Ice Cube put out No Vaseline? | ||
| Bro, you do not want to get in one of those rap battles with Ice Cube. | ||
| He was so great. | ||
| For his time in rap, he was fucking incredible. | ||
| Bro, he's such a good writer. | ||
| Well, they did the song Jackin' for Beats, and that's when he made the song. | ||
| It's everybody else's. | ||
| It keeps changing to all the most popular beats, and he just does rap. | ||
| Oh, it's great. | ||
| Didn't he do a lot of the writing for NWA? I think all of it. | ||
| I think that was basically like the thing was he wrote all the songs. | ||
| I think that DOC guy probably wrote a bit too. | ||
| You know, I'm friends with Willie D from Ghetto Boys and he wrote everything. | ||
| He wrote like most of their songs. | ||
| He told me he wrote Fuck A War in 45 minutes. | ||
| We were talking about it on the podcast, and he sent me a text. | ||
| He goes, I wrote Fuck A War in 45 minutes. | ||
| I just sat down, and I was like, Motherfucker War! | ||
| Have you ever heard that song? | ||
| Yeah, I can't remember it. | ||
| Where Bushwick Bill's getting recruited? | ||
| Oh, bro, we gotta play it. | ||
| We gotta play it. | ||
| Can I tell you that one of my favorite lyrics that never stood out to me when I was younger, but always makes me laugh and my mind's playing tricks on me, is when Bushwick Bill, you know, he's a midget, and then he sings a song, he goes, this wasn't no ordinary dude. | ||
| He stood about six or seven feet. | ||
| He goes, that's the N-word I'll be seeing in my sleep! | ||
| And Coretta goes, that's not even that crazy. | ||
| Look at what Jamie just pulled up. | ||
| Jamie, the investigative journalist that he is, just pulled up that Ice Cube formed his first rap group called CIA in 1986. Oh my god. | ||
| Coincidence? | ||
| It's all right in front of his man. | ||
| Gotta connect the dots, bro. | ||
| Gotta connect the dots. | ||
| I want to say that about Puffy now, like every interview with Puffy, he's just like, just being a little bit weird, but everyone's like, it was right in front of you, bro. | ||
| He was letting us know the whole time. | ||
| When Bill Maher said the N-word on his show, and then the next week had to give his apology to Ice Cube was the funniest thing in the world. | ||
| What a weird person to have to do it. | ||
| And then he just goes, I'm really sorry, Ice Cube. | ||
| And Ice Cube's like, Well, Bill Maul, this is a good moment to teach you something. | ||
| It was so bad. | ||
| Dude, let me hear Fuck A War. | ||
| This is one of my all-time favorite war songs. | ||
| Bushwick Bill was fun, because it was like a South Park character. | ||
| Like, he could say the wildest shit, because he just looked different, and you're like, ah, let him say it. | ||
| He's a tiny guy. | ||
| Did you ever hear Everclear when he tells the whole story of making his girlfriend shoot him in the eye? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| crazy when I used to deliver newspapers I used to listen to this On cassette, son. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You delivered him on bicycle? | |
| No, I was in a van. | ||
| I had a van. | ||
| I delivered them to my uncle. | ||
| I had a root, and I had a... | ||
| I would go with him like 2 o'clock in the morning. | ||
| Throw him out the window? | ||
| Dave Smith, you should go on stage to this. | ||
| I am loving it. | ||
| Oh, it's great. | ||
| Give me a little more. | ||
| That picture's crazy. | ||
| the cover of that album. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So funny, this was like hard in the 80s. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| I hate you damn ho! | ||
| I know, but the flow of it doesn't seem anymore. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It seems bubbly. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Call me a funky sucker. | |
| Can you imagine being a woman being abused by a black midget and he makes you shoot him in the eye? | ||
| Where's her side of that story? | ||
| That can't be her first mistake. | ||
| She's made a lot of mistakes. | ||
| That's the end of a long series of bad, bad mistakes. | ||
| You don't just get there because you won the lottery. | ||
| He takes his eye out. | ||
| You gotta do the work. | ||
| You gotta get into a position where you're fucking being forced to shoot your tiny man's eyeball out. | ||
| Hey, shoot me in the eye. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| You crazy tiny asshole. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| Willie's got some great Bushwick stories. | ||
| That was a guy that I wanted to get on the podcast, but he got sick. | ||
| Right when we were talking to his people, he apparently got sick. | ||
| Bushwick pill? | ||
| Yeah, and he wound up in the hospital. | ||
| I'm like, God damn, that would have been a good one. | ||
| How old did he die? | ||
| It was a few years back. | ||
| He wasn't that old. | ||
| He had a lot of health problems. | ||
| What year was it? | ||
| 2019, he was 52. 2019. Yeah, so it was right before that. | ||
| He got sick. | ||
| 52. Did you ever get Scarface? | ||
| No, I'd love to have him on. | ||
| You ever see the Tiny Desk thing he did? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-mm. | |
| Fucking incredible. | ||
| You know that Tiny Desk performance thing they do? | ||
| But Scarface did it and like slowed everything down to fit with the vibe of being in this like really tight thing. | ||
| And so it was like, you know, he's always been a great... | ||
| Give me some of this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| How does it feel, Jay? | ||
| How does it feel to be on the other end of it? | ||
| I don't like it one bit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's kind of strange. | |
| Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Well, also, what's strange is, again, seeing... | ||
| We'll never know how corny or not an old Biggie or Tupac would have been. | ||
| It's not that he's corny, but he's just an older guy. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| This guy doesn't live any kind of gangster life anymore. | ||
| You think this is corny? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| I'm saying that you get to see how people would become. | ||
| No, it's not corny at all, but it's much softer energy than you ever thought of Scarface in the 80s and 90s. | ||
| It does feel like it's a Scarface song that you could read one of these books to. | ||
| If you told me this was a guy who was in the roots or something, you'd be like, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| That makes sense. | ||
| But isn't it make more sense that he's like this now? | ||
| This is an intelligent guy that kept evolving as a human being. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| And you should evolve. | ||
| Yeah, which is great. | ||
| It's way better than, like... | ||
| Jay, you're the only person that hasn't evolved since high school. | ||
| I know. | ||
| If you're Justin Bieber and you get to sing in a girl's voice when you're 80, you know, that hee, that high-pitched thing. | ||
| First time I heard him sing, I thought, wow, this girl sounds amazing. | ||
| And they go, that's Justin Bieber. | ||
| And I go, oh, what a crazy voice. | ||
| Well, bring him in here anyway. | ||
| But he was real young back then. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What am I looking at? | |
| DJ Paul is 3-6 Mafia, right? | ||
| Yeah, 3-6 Mafia. | ||
| I just saw DJ Paul at Gathering of the Juggalos I performed at. | ||
| He was one of the people performing. | ||
| It's so funny. | ||
| Seeing the people who get what's happening there versus the performers who don't because He was up there. | ||
| He knows like he's been with that audience. | ||
| I think Tech N9ne also does that so he does all the family chants and stuff DJ Paul and he just gets that crowd gets him going, but they throw shit constantly and they're doing all kinds of crazy shit Rock Kim went up there And by Rakim, by the third song, they were throwing shit at the stage, but they're into it, the audience, and then he just kind of stops the song and he goes, hey, I ain't about all that fuck shit throwing stuff, man, so you could throw shit and we could leave, or we could do some rap music, and the crowd was just kind of like... | ||
| Oh, they got it? | ||
| See, back in the day, when we did it 15 years ago, they were fucking savages. | ||
| So I think the gathering of the Juggalos crowd has gotten older. | ||
| They're all 40 now, so they're like, okay, if you don't want us to throw stuff, we won't. | ||
| Which is great. | ||
| I think they were a little more like, oh, this is our thing, though. | ||
| They had to have a moment where they were like, alright, it's a choice between throwing stuff or rap music. | ||
| We did it 15 years ago when we were just so young in comedy, and we didn't know what it was. | ||
| It was midnight in a tent in the woods with the Insane Clown Posse. | ||
| It was a comedy tent. | ||
| It's still that. | ||
| I know, I know. | ||
| But now they know who we are. | ||
| I mean, they had a guy, a clown pick us up in a van. | ||
| DeRosa talks about it in his, he has that joke on his special. | ||
| Yeah, Upchuck the Clown, dude. | ||
|
unidentified
|
His name's Joel. | |
| He's a comic from Michigan. | ||
| He still runs it. | ||
| He just doesn't do it anymore. | ||
| So they pick you up in a van. | ||
| It's the scariest thing ever. | ||
| You're like, it's just pitch black in the woods in the darkness. | ||
| And when they put us up there, like, these people aren't there for comedy. | ||
| They're there for this whatever experience. | ||
| So they just start throwing, like, just cans of soda and beer and alcohol. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, jeez. | |
| Jay goes to me, he's like, dude, because I was going first. | ||
| He was like, I'm like a year in comedy. | ||
| He's like, Jay's like, just go up there and do jokes. | ||
| Don't just go up in there and smoke weed and do crowd work. | ||
| It was like me, and it was Vecchione, who's like a straight-up joke guy. | ||
| So he was like, you're going to set us up to fail if you don't do jokes. | ||
| So within 10 seconds, like a beer can whizzed past my head. | ||
| I was like, oh, is that weed? | ||
| And I smoked weed with them for five minutes. | ||
| No, Lewis had on, he put on the gas mask weed thing. | ||
| You couldn't even talk through that weed. | ||
| That was my closer. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, crap. | |
| And then I sent, and then Mike Vecchione went out. | ||
| And I was the only one that was booked on it. | ||
| I was just like, they want me to do a show, so if they were with me on another gig, I'm like, come and we'll do this one. | ||
| And you guys go on. | ||
| So Mike Vecchione goes on, and they're not paying attention to him and yelling at him. | ||
| And I remember he kind of looked at me offside of the stage. | ||
| I was like, you can wrap it up. | ||
| Like, I'll go eat the rest of this shit. | ||
| I remember one of his premises, though. | ||
| No, all I remember is the premise, because he goes... | ||
| I said that feel you know that feeling like when you're when it's going rough and you see the light Somehow you even have like another five-minute burst in you because you you know you are done So like let me see what I can do now. | ||
| It's almost like that freeing thing So I gave Vecchio and that kind of like you can wrap it up, dude And he goes uh and I almost saw his energy change and he just goes He's gonna do his last big joke or whatever and he goes uh so hey guys I had a dream last night and the crowd someone in the crowd goes Fuck your dreams! | ||
| And I don't think he finished the bit. | ||
| And then he brought me up. | ||
| And then I was supposed to do like 45, of which I did 20 maybe, because I remember saying, where they got mad at me, I asked them why there's a rap festival with no black people. | ||
| And then a black guy stood up, and he was like, how about me? | ||
| And I went, one jug-a-bro. | ||
| And then they just booed, and someone yelled, they all bleed clown. | ||
| And I just was like, can I go? | ||
| Oh, God, they all bleed clown. | ||
| You had to know how to respond to that. | ||
| Isn't it amazing, though, that you could just, if you just create a place where anybody can join, You're gonna get a group of people. | ||
| You know, whether it's the Insane Clown Posse or the Mormons. | ||
| I respect the Juggalos more than the Mormons. | ||
| I think they're similar. | ||
| They're more happy being Juggalos than they are if Juggalos didn't exist. | ||
| That should be the judge of all of it, though. | ||
| Like you said before, it's like, what does this actually do for you? | ||
| Forget whether any of it's real. | ||
| It's just like, are you happier? | ||
| Is your life better because you're a juggalo? | ||
| If you've ever listened to the Insane Clown Posse's music, it is unironically pretty awesome. | ||
| I thought I was gonna hate it, but every song, it rules, it's just about clowns killing people. | ||
| It's just hard. | ||
| It's too a great beat. | ||
| It's horror rap. | ||
| Horror rap is amazing. | ||
| I am thoroughly, I said that festival's pretty amazing, and I'm thoroughly so just always impressed. | ||
| The music is subjective to anybody, but I'm like, what they've done I think is amazing. | ||
| They're incredible. | ||
| I mean, they are... | ||
| World famous known. | ||
| They just did the VMAs. | ||
| And they're kind of the only band that's ever pulled off having like a whole festival. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We're the second one. | ||
| It's them and us. | ||
| Without us doing The Gathering of the Juggalos, we wouldn't have even done Skankfest. | ||
| There's so much influence from The Gathering of the Juggalos, and our audience, there's a lot of crossover. | ||
| In fact, I'll say it now because it's too late for people to even go, but our secret guest is the Insane Clown Posse on Thursday night at the kickoff party. | ||
| Oh, that's amazing. | ||
| It's going to be sick. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| Dude, Legion of Skanks is one of the most important things in comedy. | ||
| You guys really are. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| You really are. | ||
| I put you guys in the same, like, there's this brackets of like, Kill Tony, Legion of Skanks. | ||
| There's a thing about having these battlegrounds where you go, no, no, no, we're gonna say what we would say if we were fucking around together. | ||
| Like, you could deal with it, or you could not deal with it, but this is how we would, the conversations we're having are exactly like green room conversations. | ||
| Well, yeah, and I feel like now, I don't know, maybe I'm wrong, but I feel like almost like the tide has turned in some weird way, like it's kind of coming back. | ||
| It definitely has. | ||
| There were like these big moments, I think, like when they tried to cancel you and that didn't work. | ||
| Shane getting SNL, just like big things where it's kind of like, oh, they're almost admitting, okay, we lost the great censor-comedians war. | ||
| But for those years, I think it was good to have Legion of Skanks for a lot of those comics. | ||
| It was just like, well, this is the place where you could still do whatever you want to. | ||
| Yeah, we were just opening the door a little bit to say fucked up shit, and people would come on our show. | ||
| I mean, the amount of times people would be like, dude, should I have not said that on your show after they leave? | ||
| But you guys did a wise thing, too, though, because you were subscription-based, right? | ||
| So for the longest time, if you wanted to find out what you guys were talking about, you had to subscribe. | ||
| So you had, like, loyal subscribers. | ||
| But I was always just kind of like playing on that, too, is to kind of keep ourselves a little safe from... | ||
| We have our own platform, and we put out the version on YouTube, we put it out on iTunes, but we play by the rules there. | ||
| So we edit out all the shit you can say on those platforms, and if you want to see the real version the way that we do it, you gotta go subscribe. | ||
| And honestly, with YouTube, the way they started censoring everything, it actually now, because we've been doing this for like eight years, but now more than ever, a platform that we have is more important than ever, because now YouTube is super strict with everything we do. | ||
| We have to bleep things, we have to censor things, there's certain topics we can't even put in the podcast. | ||
| It's so wild that there's only really one YouTube. | ||
| Like if you had to predict at the beginning of the internet when they first started putting videos and like those little media players you'd get with Windows, who the fuck would have ever thought there would only be one streaming site that anybody cares about? | ||
| There's a few other ones, but nobody... | ||
| Google is like the search engine, but there's a whole bunch of other ones. | ||
| Google also bought out YouTube, and it was so smart the way they did it, but yeah, you can't go to... | ||
| No offense to Rumble, When you put the podcast on Rumble, nobody watches it. | ||
| There's a few shows that have big audiences on Rumble. | ||
| They're bigger than Rumble. | ||
| Yes, that's kind of the dynamic. | ||
| Google and YouTube, which are one and the same now, it is amazing how they just became the thing for something that there's no clear reason why there should be one thing. | ||
| But nobody is like, if you say something and you go, is that true? | ||
| And I go, yeah, bing it. | ||
| The YouTube thing, though, it's like they have it so dialed in with, like, the recommendations and there's constant... | ||
| You could go down rabbit hole after rabbit hole after rabbit hole and never find the end and be endlessly entertained and it encourages you to keep looking at other stuff, keep showing you other stuff constantly. | ||
| And all the power in the universe is that algorithm now. | ||
| It's insane how much that... | ||
| A formula has this much power, and if YouTube decides we're going to push this person, they could make someone one of the most influential people in the world. | ||
| It's not even like the industry. | ||
| The industry has become tech nerds that are in charge of all these algorithms, and who knows how it works? | ||
| Who knows when they just pick and choose? | ||
| All I know is YouTube thinks I want to see Ben Shapiro a lot more than I want to see Ben Shapiro. | ||
| YouTube's like, I'm pretty sure you're going to love this guy. | ||
| What I told you yesterday, right, the guy's name I asked you about, because I just found him yesterday, was Kirk? | ||
| Charlie Kirk? | ||
| Charlie Kirk. | ||
| Yeah, he's big. | ||
| I watched him and Ben Shapiro yell at college kids. | ||
| That's the video. | ||
| That is such a weird one. | ||
| That is such a weird one when you sit down with, like, young kids that don't know what the fuck they're talking about. | ||
| They've never been on camera ever. | ||
| And you give them a microphone. | ||
| Even if they're willing to sign the release, the 19-year-olds don't know what the fuck they're saying. | ||
| One girl was getting dominated on the thing, and I was gonna say that she even says it where I do, even though I'm kind of like, lady, you sound dumb, I felt genuinely bad for her when she goes, He gave her, like, some kind of smarmy, like, you know, and she just kind of goes, uh, she's like, well, I'm sorry, I'm nervous. | ||
| Like, I don't talk on microphone a lot, like, I think you do. | ||
| So, like, I'm so, and I was almost like, yeah, dude, like, you're getting, you're like, housing her, and when no one, she says something, and everyone's around and starts booing, and she starts kind of, like, smiling, but it's not a smile of, like, bring it on. | ||
| She's doing the smile of, like, I don't know what to do. | ||
| Like, she's, like, scary. | ||
| I've just been frozen before a lot. | ||
| It makes me feel bad. | ||
| Not only that, but then that girl now is internet famous. | ||
| Right? | ||
| So did she really understand what she was doing? | ||
| Like, did she really understand what the consequences of that are when you're 19 or whatever age she is? | ||
| Also, if you're an adult and you're arguing with a child, a 19-year-old, a 20-year-old, the goal of it, it should always be with the tone of a like, well, look, let me give you something to consider. | ||
| Like, maybe I get why you feel that way, but like, hey, maybe look at it this way. | ||
| It should never be like, I want to have the crowd go, ah! | ||
| Oh, you destroy! | ||
| It's like, what are you doing, dude? | ||
| It's almost like when you ever see a comedian who's like a kid, like a 16 or a 15-year-old kid, I just have a hard time ever really enjoying him because I'm going like, you have no idea. | ||
| You've lived absolutely no experiences. | ||
| You have no perspective on the world or anything. | ||
| Maybe you understand how to tell a joke, but it's kind of, yeah. | ||
| Oh, that's what it does. | ||
| That's what I'm making someone famous on America's Got Talent, something like that. | ||
| And you're like, what are you doing? | ||
| I became friends with Chappelle when he was 19. I saw Chappelle when he was 19. He's doing like... | ||
| And he was also savant though. | ||
| He was, but he also did a thing that was really interesting where he would do outside shows. | ||
| He would just throw a hat down and start doing stand-up on the street. | ||
| No, anywhere. | ||
| Oh, yeah? | ||
| He did it in Montreal. | ||
| He did it right in front of the Club Soda. | ||
| We did a show and then Chappelle goes outside and fucking does stand-up to people in the street. | ||
| And they all gathered round. | ||
| And he was doing stand-up in the street in Montreal. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Crushing? | |
| Crushing. | ||
| Crushing. | ||
| And this was him at 19. Yeah. | ||
| So no, he's not famous at all. | ||
| Maybe he was a couple years older by then. | ||
| Well, 19 he got his first deal. | ||
| So this was 94, I want to say. | ||
| I did the Montreal Comedy Festival with him, and I met him in like 91, somewhere around then. | ||
| So how old was Dave in 1991? | ||
| He did Robin Hood Men in Tights when he was 19, I believe. | ||
| Dude, it was crazy. | ||
| He would do this thing where he would just do stand-up out to people. | ||
| He was 19. He would just do stand-up on the street. | ||
| It was the craziest thing you'd ever seen, man. | ||
| If anybody did that now and put it on video, we would all mock them. | ||
| He learned how to do it from Charlie Barnett, and Charlie Barnett was like a famous New York comic that got on Saturday Night Live but couldn't read. | ||
| Couldn't read, so that's how Eddie Murphy got the gig. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's why he lost the gig, because he couldn't read the scripts? | ||
| Yeah, he was pretty popular. | ||
| Charlie Barnett was in DC Cab, right? | ||
| A couple things, and like... | ||
| He was a hilarious comic. | ||
| He was popping, and then, yeah, he couldn't read the cue cards, so they had to hire Eddie Murphy. | ||
| And I think he influenced Dave a lot in that, too. | ||
| That, like, he saw Charlie doing those. | ||
| Better learn how to read, Dave. | ||
| That poor guy, man, because he was super talented, supposedly. | ||
| The early influence of Tony Woods. | ||
| Oh, yeah, for sure. | ||
| But Tony Woods still is hilarious, too. | ||
| He's great. | ||
| He's doing the festival this year, right? | ||
| He was there last year. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah. | |
| He's awesome. | ||
| He did my podcast, and then we went to the Vulcan and did a show, and he murdered, man. | ||
| Oh, he's a killer, dude. | ||
| Really, really funny. | ||
| Low energy and levels. | ||
| Charismatic, though. | ||
| He's just so good at engaging with the crowd. | ||
| He's very good. | ||
| Some comedians just have that gift of luring you into their world. | ||
| Like, Nate Bargatze is very like that. | ||
| Like, when you watch him, you're just, like, you slow down, and you just kind of, like, sink into his speed. | ||
| I can't kill unless I'm yelling at the audience. | ||
| I'm screaming at the top of my lungs. | ||
| There's no two internal monologues. | ||
| But isn't that your personality? | ||
| That's more of your personality. | ||
| Imagine if you were forced to do Stephen Wright's act. | ||
| You'd be like, this is not me. | ||
| But for Stephen Wright, it's perfect. | ||
| For Stephen Wright, it's the fucking best act ever. | ||
| Well, Jay, you're very low energy. | ||
| You kind of bring them into you, but you sit down, which is like a... | ||
| That's by design, though, because... | ||
| You're lazy. | ||
| I said I watched it because I'm very lazy. | ||
| No, I watched... | ||
| Patrice like it's a it's a complete like Mimic of Patrice's things was watching him go from standing to sitting and seeing that the crowd some of the people That took him in is very like he's like looming over them and saying he's like crazy things Like being like turned off by that to seeing when he was laying back and letting them come into him He could say it like much more people like embrace that they were leaning into him and That makes sense. | ||
| And when you're a big guy, so that's what I just felt as a big presence. | ||
| I was like, I'm going to say all this kind of crazy shit. | ||
| Like, when I'm down over there, it looks like I'm pointing down at them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right, right. | |
| Instead of letting them kind of like come into the stage. | ||
| That actually does make sense. | ||
| And also, they're sitting down too. | ||
| Why are you standing up? | ||
| Well, you're not moving around. | ||
| Unless you have some activity in your act. | ||
| If you've got some activity, if you've got some things you've got to act out a little bit, I get it. | ||
| When I started in the black comedy clubs, man, I was doing a straight Chris Rock pace. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Non-stop. | ||
| A lot of... | ||
| Direct finger point, you know what I'm talking about. | ||
| This guy know what I'm saying. | ||
| Yes, those are good. | ||
| Those juice the old act up. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| It's interesting now, too, because Kill Tony's sort of a similar situation as getting interviewed by Charlie Kirk. | ||
| So these fucking dudes, for their first time ever, they do stand-up, and it's at Madison Square Garden. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| And they're just like, what the fuck? | ||
| And they go out there, and they're just frozen in the eyes of 16,000 people, and that's going to be them forever. | ||
| Everybody at work is like, look at Mikey Bauman. | ||
| Look at Mikey Bauman. | ||
| This fucking idiot thought he was funny. | ||
| And then the comments, all your neighbors. | ||
| The guy right before me just got booed. | ||
| I couldn't even hear what he got booed for. | ||
| I just know he followed a handicapped guy who gave a sweet emotional speech about being handicapable, and then he walked off. | ||
| And I said, the other guy just got out there, and they were like, Fuck this biped piece of shit. | ||
| He was like, whatever it is, dude, a show like Kill Tony, if you're good looking, it's held against you pretty quickly. | ||
| It's like, fuck you, dude, where are your burn scars? | ||
| Like the rest of Earth. | ||
| It's a microcosm. | ||
| Well, you see someone that's good-looking, and they've got a spotlight on him. | ||
| Fuck you! | ||
| It's like a natural inclination. | ||
| I think there's a subconscious thing, though. | ||
| I think we good-looking people, we want to grease the wheels for a little bit. | ||
| Good-looking people have it pretty easy in life. | ||
| In comedy, it's just a weird thing. | ||
| It's just you almost give them a little bit like... | ||
| Because humor is the weapon of the not-good-looking person to counteract this. | ||
| So you're immediately going like... | ||
| You're hot. | ||
| You don't have a fucking personality. | ||
| Get out of here. | ||
| Don't fuck yourself. | ||
| Even though there are good looking people who are hilarious and have good personalities, but generally speaking... | ||
| Generally speaking, it's not likely. | ||
| Schumer had a thing one time, she said, I saw her on stage at the Cellar once, and it was about her and her boyfriend meeting Kate Upton, and she walked away to go get something to drink, whatever, and when he came back, her husband said to Amy, she's great, man, and she said the funniest story. | ||
| I was like, fuck you, dude. | ||
| It's like, come on, man, don't. | ||
| You learn to be funny. | ||
| People are like, dude, George Clooney, that prankster, he's the best. | ||
| That guy is the funniest dude. | ||
| You're like, he's fine at best, I'm sure. | ||
| Relax. | ||
| It's a personality trait to get laid. | ||
| We all learn to be funny when we're kids because we're not good-looking enough to get laid without it. | ||
| It's like, look, I either got to get funny or do donuts in the streets of Philadelphia. | ||
| It's easier to get funny. | ||
| I love when really good-looking actors tell you who to vote for. | ||
| They're my favorite! | ||
| They're my favorite! | ||
| These are the guys with all the wisdom, and then they're gonna tell you. | ||
| They're the same guys who told you to get vaccinated too, by the way. | ||
| Same guys. | ||
| The best was like early in it, like in March and April, when they would all take videos from their mansion and be like, we're all in this together. | ||
| I would also stay home. | ||
| $30 million in the bank. | ||
| Imagine twirling a Tom Collins with your finger on a raft. | ||
| If they look from the future, if we go into apocalyptic times, do you think they'll look back on the shutting down of the country for a year and a half as the trigger that made society begin to collapse? | ||
| I don't think they will. | ||
| They'll never acknowledge they were wrong. | ||
| We probably will. | ||
| Do you think they'll look back at this time and be like, this was the fall of Rome? | ||
| Dude, there's gonna be a lot of books written about this period in time. | ||
| I think it's the internet. | ||
| The internet is the beginning of the end for everything. | ||
| Yeah, but it's not, because the internet didn't shut the fucking country down for a year and a half. | ||
| The internet didn't do that. | ||
| That's the way they shared the ideas that quickly. | ||
| Yeah, but it's a very specific group of people who decided that was a good idea. | ||
| Nah, you wouldn't have had anyone even fighting back against it if it wasn't for the internet. | ||
| It would have all just been the CNN guys. | ||
| Without the internet, they would have pulled that off so much easier. | ||
| They would have scared the shit out of you. | ||
| They pulled it off. | ||
| Yeah, but this happened in the 1980s. | ||
| You would never know how many people died on respirators. | ||
| You would never know about any of that shit. | ||
| You wouldn't know about a goddamn thing they didn't want you to know about. | ||
| That's what's so scary about the media today. | ||
| When you hear about the Spanish flu, you're like, how do you know how many people died? | ||
| There was no internet. | ||
| There's no way. | ||
| Yeah, by the time you got your horse to the next place with the information, more people have died. | ||
| Bro, living back then, you were fucked. | ||
| If you lived in the city, the hygiene was insanely bad. | ||
| People would shit in these outhouses that were set up for the block. | ||
| There was all sorts of diseases, no food. | ||
| They never present that. | ||
| I think that always when I watch Tombstone stuff, and Kurt Russell and a girl went off into the woods to go kiss, and I'm like, I bet her armpits smell like shit. | ||
| She's gum disease. | ||
| Everybody smelled like shit. | ||
| You had a shit in a hole in the ground. | ||
| They hadn't even invented toilet paper back then. | ||
| Who knows how they even wiped their ass? | ||
| Dude, you had to be so horny in the 1600s to just power through all of that to have sex. | ||
| It's a big hairy bush. | ||
| It stinks. | ||
| I guess you'd just be like a dog. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm going to put my chin in your shit-covered ass cheeks and eat your disgustingly smelly, hairy pussy. | |
| Dogs don't give a shit what anything smells like, and I guess you just get used to stuff. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I guess so. | |
| It was probably hot, dude. | ||
| Dude, a stinky pussy was probably hot in the 1600s. | ||
| By 1880, horses in New York City deposited 4 million pounds of manure on city streets every day. | ||
| In dry weather, it would turn to fecal dust and choke pedestrians. | ||
| Vacant lots were filled with the waste. | ||
| These manure piles would rise up to 60 feet high. | ||
| Now it's called Staten Island. | ||
| 60 feet high. | ||
| Dude, if you fell from 60 feet, you're dead. | ||
| Save me all that shit about carbon emissions, by the way. | ||
| We're doing great. | ||
| This is way better than what it used to be. | ||
| Oh my god, you're breathing shit air. | ||
| Everyone was sick. | ||
| I'll tell you who's right now nodding their head. | ||
| He goes, yeah, that's why I'm the guy who invented that bag that goes behind the horses' asses. | ||
| Isn't it amazing, though, that the invention of the internal combustion engine and the adoption of cars by everybody and the abandonment of driving horses literally stopped there from being shit air throughout every city street? | ||
| Shit air. | ||
| Hot summertime shit air. | ||
| I was born in Newark. | ||
| I've been there. | ||
| It's not much better smelling in Newark. | ||
| I lived there in the 1990s. | ||
| Was it bad when you lived there? | ||
| It was horrible. | ||
| I lived with my grandfather to saving up money to get an apartment. | ||
| When I first moved to New York, I didn't have enough money for an apartment. | ||
| And my grandfather lived on North 9th Street in Newark. | ||
| And he was there from the blockbusting days. | ||
| So he bought a house there like in the 1940s or 50s. | ||
| And then in the 60s, they came by and they said, black people are moving into your neighborhood. | ||
| Sell now. | ||
| And it was like a real estate scam. | ||
| And then they would try to sell to black people and just like get money out of all these houses. | ||
| And my grandfather, it was an Italian community. | ||
| My grandfather's like, I love black people. | ||
| I don't give a fuck. | ||
| Get out of here. | ||
| This is my house. | ||
| And he wasn't moving. | ||
| Your grandfather's old enough also that he's like, I was the black person five minutes ago. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Exactly. | |
| What do you mean? | ||
| Yeah, when he moved here, he came here straight from Italy. | ||
| And he told me it was horrific. | ||
| The term WAP, I always think it was funny. | ||
| If you stay around him, he would get angry. | ||
| Someone called somebody a guinea, he would get angry. | ||
| Classic WAP behavior, am I right? | ||
| Exactly, but it's like, he was a peaceful guy, but he would just get, like, that was a terrible thing that they used to call us when we were kids. | ||
| But, you know, that's like, that's not that long ago, man. | ||
| No, that's what's really crazy. | ||
| Although, like, Basically across the country, even like California, but like all the like areas that you think of as like the hood, it's like Oakland or Compton or Newark or Crown Heights or any of the, those were all white areas up until like the 60s and then like a bunch of black people from the south came up and then all the white people left. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And they did do these scams. | |
| A lot of it was like pushed by these real estate guys and they would like purposely fuck up a neighborhood to make money off of it. | ||
| And then there was redlining, where, like, they wouldn't sell to black people outside certain lines. | ||
| Like, that was a Baltimore issue, too. | ||
| Well, my grandmother, it was funny, the neighborhood I grew up in, like, was Jewish and black, and then down the next neighborhood was Italian. | ||
| Everyone started, it became predominantly black by the time I moved up to my grandmother. | ||
| Till like two years before she died and was in her nursing home Stayed in that house and did not scare the old people at all It didn't like as it changed around them. | ||
| It didn't scare there be literally people like On her front step like her neighbors like a bunch like teenagers like rapping with a loud stereo And she would just be like oh they're nice Like they call me Miss Jeanette and so whatever my grandma my grandma was delightfully racist I mean, she didn't give a fuck. | ||
| My grandma Rose, in her mind, the only brown person at the table had the most racist white grandmother. | ||
| My grandma was, like, openly racist. | ||
| She didn't give a shit. | ||
| My Aunt Emory, to this day, she's a little racist. | ||
| I think the penalty of being a Puerto Rican that's racist is less than the penalty of being, like, an Irish. | ||
| No, but she was white. | ||
| No, she was Italian. | ||
| She was Italian. | ||
| I'm half Italian-Irish. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, and no, they would literally, I would be at the dinner table, and I remember one Thanksgiving, my grandma said, because I was getting picked on by white kids in the neighborhood, because it was like a white trash neighborhood, and I was the only brown kid, and my grandma was like, you know, it's not his fault that he's an N-word. | ||
| Oh, Jesus Christ. | ||
| She was right. | ||
| It's not your fault. | ||
| You didn't choose it. | ||
| It's not my fault. | ||
| Yeah, that's what the original Good Will Hunting was. | ||
| Not you, Grandma. | ||
| Not you. | ||
| I just go hug black people with Good Will Hunting them. | ||
| That's what I call it. | ||
| It's not your fault. | ||
| It's not my fault. | ||
| It's not your fault. | ||
| Not you, Jay. | ||
| Don't you do this, Jay. | ||
| Have you guys seen that Matt Walsh movie, Am I Racist? | ||
| I haven't seen the new one. | ||
| I watched the trailer today. | ||
| What's it out on there? | ||
| It's really funny. | ||
| I've heard great things about it. | ||
| It's a top ten movie in the country right now. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think it's like, what number is it? | ||
| Well, the first one was great. | ||
| Which is crazy. | ||
| Dude, it's got no press. | ||
| No press reviews on Rotten Tomatoes, but custom reviews is 99%, which is wild. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, no one will review it. | ||
| Why? | ||
| Because it's funny. | ||
| And he's not being sanctimonious. | ||
| He's not like talking down to people or preaching to them. | ||
| He's just showing how nutty all these fucking people on these struggle sessions with white people. | ||
| The other one was great. | ||
| I think it's better. | ||
| It's better than that. | ||
| Because this one's really funny. | ||
| What does a woman at certain times be like, Well, the trailer says it's a comedy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He calls it a comedy. | ||
| It is a comedy. | ||
| I don't think the other one really was pushed as that. | ||
| But he's essentially doing a right-wing version of one of those Sacha Baron Cohen type shows. | ||
| He's essentially doing that. | ||
| He's sitting down with these people, and he's pretending that he is with them, and he wants to know how he could do better. | ||
| Number seven. | ||
| Number seven in the fucking country with no press, man. | ||
| It made two and a half million this weekend. | ||
| Do you know how nutty that is to have no press and have a show take off and become a top ten movie in the country? | ||
| It's pretty wild. | ||
| And no press reviews at all. | ||
| It's an interesting time, man. | ||
| It's interesting. | ||
| And it is, like, the thing that was real interesting about the first one, and I think probably is true about this, although I haven't seen it yet, is that even though he's obviously like a real right-winger, it's not like that's the movie. | ||
| Like, the movie isn't even making a right-wing argument or anything like that. | ||
| It's just like... | ||
| Letting these crazy left-wingers showcase how crazy they are. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Okay, you tell them. | ||
| Like, it was nuts. | ||
| He just went up to these, in the first one that I did see, he just went up to these gender experts and just kept asking them what a woman is. | ||
| It was crazy. | ||
| And they all just collapse into themselves. | ||
| Like, this is the toughest question. | ||
| The trans woman he asked outside was the best, because they were like, well, what is a woman? | ||
| And she goes, I think I want to go. | ||
| No. | ||
| They've tried to boil it down. | ||
| I think I saw somebody do this the other day to try to come up with a logical explanation. | ||
| It was something really ridiculous. | ||
| Although recognizing that there are biological differences, a woman is anybody who tells you they're a woman. | ||
| So this is like the loophole. | ||
| While recognizing that Harry probably can't get pregnant, he is now Harrietta. | ||
| And that's just it. | ||
| That's just it. | ||
| There's no conversation that can be had here. | ||
| And in some countries, they're talking about jailing people. | ||
| Was it Scotland that had something about a proposal about literally jailing people for misgendering people? | ||
| Oh, yeah, I mean that's like a big discussion always. | ||
| Yeah, but it's fucked. | ||
| But they were talking about putting people in a fucking cage. | ||
| Yeah, it's insane. | ||
| Like find out where that was. | ||
| Was that in Scotland? | ||
| It's the thing that happened in Canada, a guy got sent to jail for mischief. | ||
| He wouldn't agree to call his son or daughter or vice versa. | ||
| I mean, how many people are actually legitimately trans? | ||
| It's like 0.001% of people are actually trans. | ||
| Well, now it's way higher than that with young people because there's not... | ||
| It's not a real thing to be in trans anymore. | ||
| It's the new goth, dude. | ||
| I was three steps away from racing my cars and doing donuts, and also three steps away from becoming trans. | ||
| They're just like Moonies. | ||
| By the way, ironically, if you were Asian, you would have been better at both things. | ||
| Maybe, possibly. | ||
| You would have been a tough sale as a chick. | ||
| No, dude, I look good as a chick. | ||
| First of all, me and Dave dressed up as chicks years ago to make fun of the guys. | ||
| We fucked podcasts. | ||
| We mocked them. | ||
| We did. | ||
| We did a sketch dressing up as them, and I looked fucking good. | ||
| I'm sure you did, but there's not a lot of dudes that are going to want to climb you. | ||
| I'm telling you right now. | ||
| You're an intimidating lady. | ||
| You're a big lady, man. | ||
| You're a scary lady. | ||
| Yeah, if I decide to go to a lady, I have to date. | ||
| Claim the new Scottish law with jail people for misgendering is false. | ||
| And look, they have Elon's picture. | ||
| Why did he get brought into it? | ||
| What is the actual truth? | ||
| What is the actual truth? | ||
| If I became a woman, though, I already know what I'm fucking skinny black dudes. | ||
| Is misgendering a crime? | ||
| What does it say? | ||
| Jay, you're gonna move. | ||
|
unidentified
|
False. | |
| According to law professors, I guess. | ||
| According to Adam Tom... | ||
| Oh, one guy. | ||
| Well, I'll trust him. | ||
| Misgendering could only be considered a hate crime if it was done in a way that a reasonable person would consider to be threatening or abusive. | ||
| Wait a minute. | ||
| That's pretty vague. | ||
| That means yes. | ||
| That doesn't mean no. | ||
| That doesn't mean it's false. | ||
| That means, if that's how you're gonna write it out, that a, in quotes, a reasonable person would consider to be threatening or abusive, who the fuck is reasonable? | ||
| How many people do you know that are reasonable? | ||
| They're gonna be able to decide whether or not you should be jailed? | ||
| Well, threatening is a little bit more concrete than abusive. | ||
| Abusive is really vague. | ||
| Like, what do you mean? | ||
| Verbally abusive? | ||
| If you're a 100-pound man and Lewis calls you a man name and you want to be called a woman's name, that could be threatening. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right, right. | |
| That could be threatening. | ||
| I mean, I also would have been threatening the guy, to be honest. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Why are you being a woman? | |
| Ah, headbutt! | ||
| That's a weird thing. | ||
| Misgendering would only be considered a hate crime if it was done. | ||
| Okay, what does it say below that? | ||
| According to Adam Tompkins, a law professor and former conservative MSP, asserting that sex is a biological fact or that it is not changed just by virtue of the gender by which someone chooses to identify is not and never can be a hate crime under this legislation. | ||
| Okay, so he's saying that deadnaming someone will never be a crime. | ||
| Well, no, but see, even this is in a kind of a little bit vague way because he's saying asserting that sex is a biological fact. | ||
| So if I just say men are men and women are women, that can't be a crime. | ||
| But can calling an individual, like, could be like, no, you're not a woman, you're a man. | ||
| Could that be considered abusive or whatever? | ||
| It's all the interpretation. | ||
| Like, what is that, you know? | ||
| That's a very good point because this is just step one, right? | ||
| That's what it seems like to me. | ||
| Right, right, right. | ||
| So this is not saying, no, arguing with them, no, you're a man. | ||
| It's not changed by virtue of the gender by which someone chooses to identify is not and never can be a hate crime. | ||
| But, yeah, that is weird because, like, asserting that it's a biological fact... | ||
| What if you're arguing? | ||
| What if you're saying you're a man? | ||
| Is that harassment now? | ||
| Fuck you, I'm a woman. | ||
| You're a fucking man. | ||
| And if you're getting in one of those exchanges, what's that then? | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| If I call somebody an asshole, they're not literally an asshole, right? | ||
| So technically isn't it all just sort of like deciding what words have power and what words don't? | ||
| 100% because if you're not swearing and this person's swearing back at you that wants to be called a woman, fuck you, you fucking cocksucker. | ||
| I am a woman. | ||
| And you're like, no, you're not. | ||
| You're a dude. | ||
| Like, you're, like, standing your ground in that situation, right? | ||
| That could also be the case. | ||
| What if you don't threaten them, but, like, if you hypothetically... | ||
| Like, if that dude was like, I am a woman, and I was like, if you were a woman, I'd slap the shit out of you right now. | ||
| But you're a man, so I'm afraid you might beat my ass. | ||
| Like, I didn't actually threaten them. | ||
| That's a good balance, because you're putting yourself in the... | ||
| You're not saying... | ||
| I beat your ass. | ||
| You're saying, I'm gonna get fucked up. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Do you train? | ||
| That's very well phrased. | ||
| What's to be said for feeling how you feel and also just not giving a shit? | ||
| Do you know what I'm saying? | ||
| I feel like, as I said before, I think they should not give hormones or any kind of operations to children to change their gender. | ||
| Imagine that being a radical idea. | ||
| But also, they're not making it illegal. | ||
| They're doing it. | ||
| I'm like, Well, now I want to see a five-year-old with tits. | ||
| Like, now I want to see it. | ||
| I'm against it. | ||
| I just want to go. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They already did it, so I'm going to go, let me see. | |
| You're not even allowed to say that. | ||
| Yeah, you're not even allowed to say that. | ||
| To say what? | ||
| But it's a boy's tits. | ||
| That's the thing that's weird. | ||
| It's like, the nipple thing is odd, right? | ||
| Didn't New York City, didn't they free the nipple where you can walk around with your tits out? | ||
| I believe so, yeah. | ||
| Do you ever see it? | ||
| Yeah, once in a while. | ||
| In the park. | ||
| Is there ever a parent that you're really looking forward to seeing? | ||
| Rarely, but once in a while in a park you'll see a nice pair of tits. | ||
| Wait, just fully topless? | ||
| What's the spring called? | ||
| Barton Springs. | ||
| So tops are optional there for girls. | ||
| Oh my goodness. | ||
| I brought my son there, dude. | ||
| He was 10 years old, and I just saw him staring at this girl's tits, and it's all hot chicks. | ||
| It's all like hot Austin chicks. | ||
| Of course, they're being free. | ||
| They do ketamine. | ||
| Yay! | ||
| I remember James was just fucking keyed in on this girl's tits, and I was like, hey, what are you doing? | ||
| He was like, uh-uh. | ||
| He was like, it's natural, Dad. | ||
| Mom says the body's natural, so. | ||
| Mom says. | ||
| Mom says. | ||
| The fuck is she talking to you about? | ||
| Bro, imagine what people liked before they had clothes. | ||
| Just like chimps, just fucking every chance they could, just trees and shit. | ||
| Imagine before people figured out clothes, how wild it was. | ||
| I think we figured them out pretty early on in the game. | ||
| Close? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It was a leaf you put over your brain. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| It was millions of years of being sub-human hominids. | ||
| What I should say is I think pretty early in the game of being humans. | ||
| So whenever they trace the genetic to, like, this is when we consider you a modern homo sapien, I think one of the first things is close. | ||
| If we came out of the water, our dicks were so small, you threw something on quick. | ||
| I don't know if that's true. | ||
| I think it was all climate-based. | ||
| I think in Africa, like... | ||
| I mean, how much they probably covered their dicks? | ||
| Well, in Africa, there's still parts there. | ||
| But if you go to some places on the Amazon that are totally buck naked... | ||
| Well, in Africa, they have to cover their dicks, otherwise it's dangerous. | ||
| Eh, make a trip. | ||
| You don't need... | ||
| Just tie it back like a hair bun. | ||
| Like, they didn't need to stay warm, right? | ||
| So I think it was only when people started moving. | ||
| Yeah, you might be right about that. | ||
| I think it's a migration thing. | ||
| Because where human life evolved is the same area where, like, a lot of different primates evolved besides us. | ||
| Human beings got to Europe. | ||
| They got to Europe and they went, alright, let's cover our dicks and build some shit. | ||
| I know in the Bible they say it was like, you know, God gave us embarrassment at one point or whatever, but when did we really start getting embarrassed? | ||
| It was cold! | ||
| Who was the first guy that was like, oh, my dick is small, I don't want people to see this? | ||
| I hope we don't find out or Sebastian's not going to have anything to talk about. | ||
| Aren't you embarrassed? | ||
| I think it's as soon as we started moving to places where it was cold and then we don't see people's dicks and pussies all day long, it kind of changes your behavior. | ||
| And it probably led to us saying, listen, we need a city and we need a wall. | ||
| We need to figure out how to block all these wild motherfuckers, these bare dick motherfuckers from coming over the hills. | ||
| That's probably what happened. | ||
| Probably people started getting really shy. | ||
| Because they were covering themselves up with animal skins to stay warm. | ||
| But why was it having a small dick? | ||
| I need to get to the bottom of this. | ||
| What was the problem with having a small dick that everyone was like, you need to cover that little dick up? | ||
| Well, you know, the Romans thought that having a big dick was gross. | ||
| The big dick was a sign of a barbarian. | ||
| That's why they had little dicks on all those giant dudes. | ||
| The odds of, if you look at some of Michelangelo's statues, the odds of those guys not having a massive hog are very small. | ||
| That is, a dude built like Francis Ngannou All of those kings and all those like important people they literally commissioned them to build them like they were gods and they would build the statues bigger than the statues of gods, right? | ||
| And you would think that they would give them a big fat hog. | ||
| Just a fucking hammer. | ||
| They all have little tiny dicks. | ||
| That's just the artist's signature. | ||
| Some person, just like the same people that are tricking people into thinking your cat can be non-binary, somebody back then tricked them into thinking that big dicks are bad. | ||
| And it's probably some conniving little dick thing. | ||
| Some genius. | ||
| Some little motherfucker. | ||
| Who's a traveler from Asia? | ||
| He's like, oh, Saul. | ||
| Ew, get your big dick out of here! | ||
| Oh, look at the hog on that guy, though. | ||
| What's that one from? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh my god, look at his fucking dong. | |
| Look at his dong. | ||
| And look at all the extra skin he's got at the front of his dong. | ||
| That guy must be libertarian. | ||
| It looks like a fucking hawk's face. | ||
| By the way, that's the only one that's uncircumcised of all these. | ||
| Well, once they're hard, it pops out, you know? | ||
| Look at these animals. | ||
| Jesus! | ||
| What is that from? | ||
| My bedroom. | ||
| That's what I keep my bracelets on. | ||
| But look at that one right there. | ||
| The guy has a tiny dick. | ||
| The one in the... | ||
| No. | ||
| Yeah, right there. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Tiny dick. | ||
| I would say average size, Joe. | ||
| For that guy's body. | ||
| Yeah, but everybody can't stay fucking boned up while they're posing for the fucking statue. | ||
| Yeah, Jesus Christ, Joe. | ||
| Leave the man alone. | ||
| It's not a bad dick. | ||
| I think it's weirder than that guy was so hard. | ||
| No, no. | ||
| That's normal. | ||
| Walking around Heil Hitler and with a jack rod. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He goes, oh, Michelangelo, Michelangelo, paint this! | |
| Sculpt this for me. | ||
| Bro, I don't care what your excuse is. | ||
| If anybody ever gets a picture of you, Heil Hitler, go back to that picture. | ||
| With a giant hog. | ||
| The one that you just had with a guy, Heil Hitler. | ||
| His hand was upside down. | ||
| Clearly a Heil Hitler to me, bro. | ||
| Is it the one, the white one? | ||
| Yeah, that one right there. | ||
| Click on that, bro. | ||
| That's Heil Hitler. | ||
| That's not the one, though. | ||
| He's walking like an Egyptian. | ||
| That's not the one you had. | ||
| That one's freakier. | ||
| This one looks like more modern. | ||
| This guy's playing music to his dick. | ||
| That last one looked like she was wearing high heels. | ||
| What was the one you just had up, Jamie? | ||
| It is... | ||
| Oh, that one right there. | ||
| That one right there. | ||
| To the left of that. | ||
| To the left. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right here? | |
| No, no, no. | ||
| In the middle. | ||
| In the middle. | ||
| The gray one. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Up one row. | |
| Up one row. | ||
| To the right. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| Bam. | ||
| Bro, that guy's Heil Hitler. | ||
| That's how it started! | ||
| It started like this, and then they flipped it over. | ||
| It's like how you turn over a punch. | ||
| That was it. | ||
| He was getting ready to give a fucking strong one. | ||
| Look, the guy's got a giant heart on. | ||
| He's very excited. | ||
| He's Nazi on the left side and gay on the right side. | ||
| I was gonna say, they really are. | ||
| They make them sort of flamboyant-y, too. | ||
| Jamie, go back to that one and give us a description. | ||
| What does that mean? | ||
| I think it's still the same guy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I think it's a guy with a big dick. | |
| Don Lucas. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| What's his name? | ||
| Greek God of Fertility, probably. | ||
| Oh, that's right. | ||
| Let's go. | ||
| Let's go, champ. | ||
| He's the only guy with a big dick in any of that art. | ||
| There's so many different versions of him, though. | ||
| Sometimes his dick is reasonable. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Really big, but reasonable. | ||
| Well, different states. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Sometimes he just fucked. | ||
| Sometimes he just got out of the shower. | ||
| But like the Sieg Heil one, he looked pretty reasonable. | ||
| Right? | ||
| It was a reasonable dick. | ||
| It was a big dick. | ||
| But some of them were like, hey man, come on. | ||
| Come on. | ||
| I mean, there's no way. | ||
| I've just gotten to an age now where I just go around the locker- Oh, shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jesus! | |
| I go around the locker room, uh, completely naked now, for the first time in my life. | ||
| Like, I think it's funny. | ||
| The men's locker, right? | ||
| The men's locker room, yeah, of course. | ||
| Just checking. | ||
| Men's, women, children. | ||
| It doesn't matter. | ||
| Lewis is in there. | ||
| But I think it's so funny to just be naked amongst men. | ||
| I don't like it. | ||
| With my little dick. | ||
| It's hilarious. | ||
| It makes them uncomfortable. | ||
| I don't like it at all. | ||
| And taking a little bouncy dick walk to a shower. | ||
| Nuts. | ||
| My little bird. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Now, fuck that. | ||
| Did you guys hear about that Canadian guy who was 50 years old who identified as a teenage girl? | ||
| He wanted to do a swim meet with teenage girls. | ||
| It is the next step. | ||
| I believe there was like an argument. | ||
| See if it's true. | ||
| If they let him actually into the locker room. | ||
| I want to make sure that this is true. | ||
| Like a girl's locker room. | ||
| Can you imagine? | ||
| You have a teenager. | ||
| What a dream. | ||
| It's gonna do a swimming event. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| This is like attached to a school? | ||
| 50 year old trans swimmer shared locker room while competing against teens. | ||
| Yeah, it's awesome. | ||
| And this is how crazy Canada's gotten. | ||
| They're just like the Moonies. | ||
| They're just like the Juggalos. | ||
| They're in a cult. | ||
| They don't realize they're in a cult. | ||
| But if you think this is a good idea, to let a 50-year-old guy who decides to identify as a woman change in a locker room with teenage girls because he identifies as a teenage girl... | ||
| You're out of your fucking mind. | ||
| Ladies, ladies. | ||
| It's just a bunch of us gals in here. | ||
| Let me be clear. | ||
| Does this person say they identify as a teenage girl? | ||
| This was a plan that I would have drummed up when I was 12 years old. | ||
| I don't think that's... | ||
| It was an event that teenage girls could be 16 and older. | ||
| I think it's just a locker. | ||
| She's going to a women's locker room in general. | ||
| Okay, 16 and older, this person's competing and is 16 and older? | ||
| So you could be any age? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Okay, so is there any evidence that this person identifies as a teenage girl, or is that just the internet? | ||
| That sounds like the internet, but I don't know. | ||
| Google that just in case. | ||
| I would like to know. | ||
| Because that makes it extra crazy and fun. | ||
| It does make it extra crazy and fun that people are like, okay. | ||
| It's the same way I feel about all the other things we talked about. | ||
| Like, the odds of you not being out of your fucking mind are really low. | ||
| They're really low. | ||
| Super low. | ||
| And the fact that everyone's like, yeah, inclusivity. | ||
| How? | ||
| How did we get to this Mooney point? | ||
| You should be allowed to say that some things are weird and crazy. | ||
| And that doesn't necessarily mean you have to hate them or be against them. | ||
| Comedians are weird and crazy. | ||
| We're all weird and crazy. | ||
| Okay, this is apparently, that means Wiseheart was swimming with young girls because of how fast or slow a swimmer is, not because she identifies as a young girl. | ||
| But the competition is presumably separated by gender, so there's an issue where Wiseheart is competing against females while being biologically male. | ||
| And also, I think, intact. | ||
| So which is also the weird one, right? | ||
| Like you could be a woman, but you don't even have to try that hard. | ||
| No, you don't have to do much. | ||
| Sorry, turn around real quick and hit you with my pussy on your back. | ||
| And you can go back and forth anytime you want. | ||
| You don't have to choose. | ||
| I'll call you your name if you cut your dick off. | ||
| Does anybody ever know? | ||
| If you don't cut your dick off, I'm not gonna call you. | ||
| Or maybe I will call your name, but I might fuck it up, but I think that's okay. | ||
| Either way, he's gonna check. | ||
| And we'll figure out. | ||
| We'll go from there. | ||
| It's just so nuts, man, that you're just giving this pervert pass. | ||
| That allows, because there's real trans people that are like, it's happened for all eternity. | ||
| There's something wiring, you feel female. | ||
| But there's also crazy people. | ||
| There's also real perverts. | ||
| And you're giving a pervert a Willy Wonka golden ticket. | ||
| I've gotten real good at calling people the gender they want. | ||
| If they... | ||
| Like, I still will fuck it up, but I find I'm pretty good at it. | ||
| If they look like a girl, if it's a guy transitioning to a girl, and they look like a girl, I say, I'm pretty good at all the she, but if I fuck it up, look at yourself. | ||
| That means that you... | ||
| You're not shaving enough or you haven't done whatever it is to make me call you because I'm pretty good at calling trans girls girls. | ||
| But it's also a weird thing to get stuck on because you have to agree to this thing. | ||
| And you have to agree to it. | ||
| Especially if you knew the person as one thing at one point in time and then they decided to change their name and gender and you're like... | ||
| This seems like you need a lot of attention. | ||
| What's going on here? | ||
| This is strange. | ||
| And you're getting mad if I fuck it up and call you Harry? | ||
| Well, that's the weirdest part of all of it. | ||
| You can't be mad at someone, especially if it's an honest mistake. | ||
| Thanks, ma'am! | ||
| That's what I'm saying. | ||
| The internet is such a bad place for it because everyone has such balls. | ||
| Everyone's a keyboard warrior on the internet. | ||
| Even people that are like, you know, bleeding heart liberals and people that are looking to, you know, they just, they find a place to go and have this voice. | ||
| Back in the day, if you were trans and you were like a man that was dressing up as a woman and you wanted to get mad at somebody about it, you had to get in their fucking face. | ||
| It wasn't going to happen. | ||
| And if you went to the village in New York City, they did. | ||
| They did get in your face. | ||
| They were aggressive back then. | ||
| You would get beat up in the West Village by a trans person. | ||
| Check. | ||
| Well, what's the one? | ||
| That's what I loved. | ||
| That was the GameStop video, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That was the famous one, right? | ||
| It was like, it's ma'am! | ||
| Stop calling me, sir! | ||
| And then it's like a- That's not how ma'ams talk, bro. | ||
| A GameStop nerd just going like, okay, sir. | ||
| It's like, oh! | ||
| Ah! | ||
| They start kicking over PlayStations. | ||
| See, that's the problem that women are having, is that these men who decide that they're women are now entering into these places that are just women's only, and women's events and women's things, and they're dominating like men do. | ||
| It was one of the very few points that I've had seeing that other side of it that I didn't for a long time. | ||
| So kind of recently. | ||
| It's like the argument in sports is almost like, oh, they're going to dominate and kick ass and it's basically a guy beating up a girl in this fight and all those things. | ||
| But then it was the scholarship thing. | ||
| I don't know why that never dawned on me before. | ||
| It's like, no, these girls are like, I was going to be the number one recruit out of my school. | ||
| And then this girl came in and made me look like I'm terrible because she's six foot five and, you know, 35 pounds more than me. | ||
| Yeah, it's nuts. | ||
| You're letting people cheat. | ||
| There's a reason why Title IX was invented. | ||
| It was invented so that women could be able to compete with other women. | ||
| And you can't have an exemption for that just based on feelings. | ||
| Because it's not about feelings. | ||
| It's about fairness in sports. | ||
| And the only way to make it fair is if you're an intact biological male, you have to compete against intact biological males. | ||
| You could still call yourself Debbie. | ||
| Get in aisle four, Debbie. | ||
| You're in lane four. | ||
| You're competing against Mark and Steve. | ||
| We're not children here. | ||
| We're not in a fairytale. | ||
| Is there no rational sect of the trans community? | ||
| I don't know if I've ever heard someone in the trans community come out and agree with that sentiment. | ||
| It's like, oh yes, no, we shouldn't be. | ||
| Oh, no, no, no. | ||
| Blair White. | ||
| Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Blair White. | ||
| And there's a bunch of people who are trans who basically come out and say, like, look, I know I'm not a woman. | ||
| I know I'm a man. | ||
| We shouldn't be around kids. | ||
| We shouldn't be competing in women's sports. | ||
| There's a decent amount of... | ||
| We shouldn't be around kids at all. | ||
| Blair White goes to these events where trans people... | ||
| And she gets called a Nazi and kicked out. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Because she's the wrong side. | ||
| That was a sculpture. | ||
| No, I think she's gone through the whole thing. | ||
| It's like one day they're going to be able to manipulate chromosomes where you're not going to ever have to worry about that again. | ||
| They're going to be able to change you to a woman. | ||
| They're going to actually be able to do it. | ||
| I don't know if they're going to be able to do it to us, but somebody's lifetime in the future. | ||
| There's going to be people that are like... | ||
| What do you mean? | ||
| You know how people are like serial divorcees? | ||
| They're going to be getting married and divorced? | ||
| There's going to be people that go back and forth, man to woman, man to woman. | ||
| They're just going to be pigs. | ||
| They're just going to be dirty, greedy pigs that just want to fuck and get fucked and just... | ||
| I fucked myself last week. | ||
| Instead of saying I was a whore or like a womanizer, I was a bit of a woman in my 20s and then I did my 30s as a guy. | ||
| Yeah, some women are going to be looking for men who've only been men the whole time. | ||
| Well, that's the shit that's really weird. | ||
| You get teenagers that, like, they change and then a few years later they're like, oh yeah, it was a phase. | ||
| Of course, especially these poor girls that are getting mastectomies. | ||
| That's the real thing. | ||
| It's making a choice of goth at one point. | ||
| Imagine you had eyeliner tattooed when you were 16. The crazy thing is you don't let them get tattooed, but you will let them get gender-alternating surgery, which is just bananas. | ||
| Is that happening a lot in this country? | ||
| Gender-affirming. | ||
| Excuse me. | ||
| Gender-affirming surgery. | ||
| Not a lot. | ||
| Not a lot of surgeries under 18. There is a lot. | ||
| And when I say a lot, I think tens of thousands of the chemical shit, like the puberty blockers. | ||
| There's plenty of girls that are getting mastectomies very young. | ||
| There's photographs of them. | ||
| If you're doing that before you're an adult, you don't know what the fuck you're doing. | ||
| It's insane. | ||
| It's just nuts that people are agreeing to it just to be kind. | ||
| Look, there's also a real debate with surgeries like that about whether that should be allowed even after you're an adult. | ||
| And, like, I'm not even saying allowed. | ||
| Of course you should be allowed. | ||
| Shouldn't Steve-O be allowed to get fake tits if he wants to? | ||
| But listen, I'm not even saying allowed. | ||
| He got out of that, though. | ||
| Yeah, he got out of that. | ||
| He's not doing it. | ||
| Is he not doing it all, though? | ||
| I think he thought it was dangerous. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It was retarded. | ||
| Well, you also have to cut the muscle on a dude, I think. | ||
| All I'm saying is, there's... | ||
| Yeah, that's tough. | ||
| You have to go up in there. | ||
| It's got to pump out. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think Steve-O made the right call. | ||
| I mean, look, it would have been a great bit. | ||
| But I think that's the only way it would have stuck out. | ||
| Because I don't think he has enough tissue in the front to give you a traditional, regular-type boob job. | ||
| All right. | ||
| I'll do it. | ||
| But my point is, like, Next man up. | ||
| If you're a grown woman and you're 40 years old, you decide to get your boobs removed, who the fuck am I to say you shouldn't be able to do that? | ||
| No, listen, look, I'm a libertarian. | ||
| I tend to agree with you. | ||
| But if there was a doctor and you asked them to just, like, remove my fully functioning left arm because I identify as a one-armed person or whatever... | ||
| And doctors were like, no, I'm unwilling to perform a surgery on you. | ||
| Well, I mean, they do jobs, they do boob jobs, they do so many elective surgeries that they already do. | ||
| Well, there's an elective preventative surgery that a lot of women do if they think they have that gene for breast cancer. | ||
| That's what Angelina Jolie did. | ||
| That's a little different. | ||
| Okay, Steve-O was supposed to level, he said, but the person in the supermarket spoke to Steve-O about the level of oppression that the trans people face in a pretty heartbreaking way, which made him realize, wow, maybe it's not all fun and games, after this he feared a stunt would seem like an exercise in celebrating violence against trans people. | ||
| And he decided to call it off. | ||
| Oh, so that's why he called it off. | ||
| I thought it was just, this is insane. | ||
| I'll tell you what, I have a feeling he was like, I don't want to do this, but then you can really get out of it by doing, making a nice speech like that's pretty great. | ||
| That would be a good move, because otherwise you're going to ruin your tits forever. | ||
| And then you'd have to go under another time to get them removed, and then you'd always have scars on your tits, and you're 50. When someone you're afraid to fight says they're going to fight you after school, and you go, Just what's that when we break the cycle of violence? | ||
| He's gonna dress up and go to a bike around I guess that was part of it. | ||
| Oh You get he thought it would get a crazy reaction out of a motorcycle riders who were checking me out before realizing who he was I would have considered to be better footage if I was to be beaten up at the motorcycle rally said you know what but the thing is like you could get fake tits put on you by Prosthetic people the same people that did like the penguin you ever see what's his name? | ||
| The handsome fella? | ||
| Colin Farrell. | ||
| The handsome fella, right? | ||
| They made him look disgusting for the penguin. | ||
| They can give you tits, bro. | ||
| You don't have to get them. | ||
| Yeah, and it'll look indistinguishable. | ||
| Yeah, and it's the same fucking stunt, Marilyn Manson. | ||
| But that's a painting, isn't it? | ||
| That was a prosthetic. | ||
| No, but it's also... | ||
| Is that something he wears? | ||
| Well, look, no cock either. | ||
| Do you know there's people that are doing that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| They're just getting castrated because people want to be nulls. | ||
| They want to be nothing. | ||
| Is that a real thing? | ||
| Oh, yeah, it's a real thing. | ||
| But isn't that essentially what someone gets to surgery is doing? | ||
| Well, they're trying to get a hole. | ||
| Yeah, they want a pussy. | ||
| This is just like they become like the Unsullied from Day of Thrones. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| They want no cock, no balls, no nothing. | ||
| How do you pee? | ||
| Let's go, champ. | ||
| You don't have to pee. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Little hole. | |
| Piss out a little piss hole. | ||
| You know, I don't want you to do that, but if you're an American, I feel like you should have the freedom to do something stupid. | ||
| You know, I'm covered in tattoos. | ||
| You want to get your dick chopped off? | ||
| Who the fuck am I to tell you? | ||
| You're never gonna hear a thing where someone goes, you cut your dick off? | ||
| Best thing I ever did. | ||
| Probably not, but some people just don't want to be around. | ||
| Well, there was that, like, Pain Olympics thing back in the day where the guys would mutilate their cocks, and you're like, what are you- I mean, you only got one shot to slice your dick in half. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like, that's it. | |
| I saw plenty of those videos where guys just chop the head of their dicks off with knives. | ||
| It's insane. | ||
| I mean, how good is that orgasm? | ||
| You get it one time ever. | ||
| I don't even think they're orgasm. | ||
| They're soft. | ||
| They're not sliced into a hard dick. | ||
| They'd bleed out. | ||
| Just spray. | ||
| Just fucking spray. | ||
| All right, Joe. | ||
| Suffering in silence to the dumb conversation we're having. | ||
| Can you imagine what a terrible time to get your dick chopped off? | ||
| How good is the choking? | ||
| Guys break their dicks, they have sex, and then their dicks bend down. | ||
| Peyronie's disease. | ||
| An enthusiastic young lady might get a little bobbly on the top and let it slip a little and taint slam you. | ||
| How can they not tell? | ||
| Like Anderson Silva's shin. | ||
| How can these ladies not tell that they're at the end of the dick when they're jumping up so high? | ||
| They're having a good time, Jay. | ||
| They're having a good time. | ||
| But you know we're walking on... | ||
| I know. | ||
| I know when we're on the tightrope. | ||
| When we're walking that tightrope, the come-ups are coming up too high on her. | ||
| I've had it happen a few times, but obviously no real injury. | ||
| She might have been with that Heil Hitler dude before you. | ||
| She's used to a little bit of travel in her suspension. | ||
| She's like, no, we've got plenty of time. | ||
| She wants that raptor-type travel. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Boom, boom. | |
| She wants some fucking... | ||
| some lift. | ||
| You should have that thing like on the back of your car where it's like "boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop" We're getting close here. | ||
| Just have some sort of a strapping system, you know, where you're like, like you're spotting her. | ||
| Like cinch her down. | ||
| Okay, we've got this much travel. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| Don't get crazy. | ||
| So if we're going to agree to this, you, savage, trying to break my dick. | ||
| What a terrible way to break your dick, too. | ||
| I wish my dick was big enough to break. | ||
| There's a girl out there right now and go, I could break it. | ||
| I'll break the cock. | ||
| I'll break the cock right in half. | ||
| I'll break that fucking angry little dick. | ||
| Guys, while we have a lull, can I talk to you about my new propulsion system? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Dang! | |
| Jamie, the PowerPoint presentation, please. | ||
| It is so funny coming into this room and thinking of all the things I've watched that are made such, like, whether it be the Cat Williams thing or fucking, I mean, that was wild. | ||
| The one I just said, Terrence Howard. | ||
| Oh yeah, the Terrence Howard one's very interesting. | ||
| He's a very, very smart guy. | ||
| He just doesn't have a formal education in this stuff. | ||
| So when I had Eric Weinstein on the podcast, Eric sort of explained to him the things that he's getting wrong. | ||
| And he explained to him, you've got to stop teaching. | ||
| You've got to stop saying you're teaching people. | ||
| This is very offensive to people like myself. | ||
| He's like an actual super genius. | ||
| But they were talking about... | ||
| Crazy equations. | ||
| And he was explaining the equations to him. | ||
| And he's like, do you understand how to read this? | ||
| I was like having him go over the equation. | ||
| So it was very interesting. | ||
| So Terrence is like this super smart guy that's way smarter than anybody around him. | ||
| But then the really super smart guys who are actually super smart guys who are educated about it, they don't engage with them. | ||
| And so Eric was like, let me just talk to this dude. | ||
| I think he's one of us who's just gone astray. | ||
| Just a brilliant guy who hasn't actually gotten the correct education in this stuff. | ||
| Well, I like when he was doing a... | ||
| He goes, well then, Joe, you have to understand, because the fontougeles, it was like words that I don't think they were things. | ||
| Maybe they were. | ||
| I think some of them were things, but others, they're things that he invented. | ||
| Do you name whatever you want? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What is the invention of the flying... | ||
| What does he call them again? | ||
| When all those little components move together and it creates like... | ||
| He's got this... | ||
| God, why'd it sit at the tip of my tongue? | ||
| Linchpin. | ||
| So this thing that he created, it's like these... | ||
| They're like geometric shapes, and they fit into each other, and each one of them has a fan in the circle of it. | ||
| And through this thing, as a drone, it can move in any direction. | ||
| It's this very bizarre... | ||
| And Weinstein was looking at it like, this is a very legit invention. | ||
| You came up with this? | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| See if you can find the videos of it. | ||
| And so it's also... | ||
| You could add more to it. | ||
| It's not like one single shape. | ||
| So they connect into each other and you can keep adding more and more to it and give it more power and more maneuverability. | ||
| What's the utility for it? | ||
| It's drones. | ||
| It's like you could have a drone that moves concrete bars, I mean concrete blocks. | ||
| You could have a drone that moves railroad ties and they could fly them through the air. | ||
| It's scalable. | ||
| So this is the small version of it in operation. | ||
| And it's all those things that you see, those little geometric patterns, they're all individuals. | ||
| And you can keep piling them on top of that and connect it. | ||
| And you can make them larger and smaller. | ||
| It's a fascinating idea. | ||
| And this is the dude who's in Iron Man. | ||
| Hustle and flow! | ||
| And he invented this? | ||
| And he's got like some crazy amount of patents, man. | ||
| The dude has like, what is it? | ||
| 90 something patents he has? | ||
| Something crazy? | ||
| But this is all like his invention. | ||
| And no formal education? | ||
| Not to the level of like an Eric Weinstein, which is really all these people that are actually working on stuff. | ||
| Generally they have, you know, depending upon what the discipline is, they have a long education in traditional universities. | ||
| And he's kind of like a self-taught genius. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nah. | |
| No, dude, he is, man. | ||
| He's crazy smart. | ||
| He's just... | ||
| He's just not like... | ||
| He's got to hang out with more people like him. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| He's too smart for anybody he knows. | ||
| Right. | ||
| He needs more Eric Weinstein. | ||
| They said that about Dave Smith a few years ago. | ||
| That's true. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Same thing. | |
| Well, I was on the episode after, the first time you had him on, and the episode with him was just insane. | ||
| It was like the biggest thing on the internet, and almost 100% of the comments on my episode, the next one, were, We want more Terrence Howard! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Enough of this! | |
| Dave, where's your not, guys? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's fun, man. | |
| He's fun. | ||
| Dave, can you invent an Uber to get into and get the fuck out of here? | ||
| I did. | ||
| It doesn't go to the right address, but I did invent an Uber. | ||
| Yeah, it's um it's fun. | ||
| Those things are fun. | ||
| Yeah, it's fun to hear people like come up with these wacky theories and is that like his but he has some great ideas man and one of them is the idea that all the planets are coming from like stuff that's jettisoned off the Sun and Like his theory about the creation of solar systems is very bizarre. | ||
| And it's really interesting. | ||
| He thinks that a planet gets to a certain distance after a certain amount of time from the sun where it can develop life. | ||
| And then that life evolves as quickly as it can because it's going to eventually over the next... | ||
| 100 million, 200 million years. | ||
| It's going to be further and further and further out to space, and it's not going to be habitable anymore. | ||
| So you're going to have to figure out a way to make your own environment, or you're going to perish. | ||
| And every planet goes through a transitionary period. | ||
| It's called peopling. | ||
| When a planet gets to a certain distance, these hominids start figuring out things, and figuring out tools, and engines, and civilization, and agriculture, and then electronics. | ||
| And then they have to get to a point where they realize, like... | ||
| This planet keeps moving away from the sun. | ||
| We are fucked. | ||
| We have to figure out artificial environments. | ||
| We have to figure out interstellar travel. | ||
| We have to figure out how to fucking planet, populate other worlds. | ||
| So that's where we're at right now. | ||
| We're like a hundred thousand years away from it being a problem. | ||
| This is brought to us by Terrence fucking Howard. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah! | |
| But his theory about planets is fascinating because nobody really knows why planets are formed. | ||
| There's a distance from the sun. | ||
| There's a thing called Bode's Law. | ||
| You can figure out roughly by the size of one planet when another planet's going to exist, and that's where they look. | ||
| His voice is too cool to be a nerd. | ||
| That's why I think the problem, the disconnect I have is. | ||
| He's like, come on, Joe, it's simple. | ||
| Hydrogen plus nitrogen makes everything fly. | ||
| He does that thing where, especially because most of us aren't people who even think about this stuff, so then when he's saying it, like when he was saying the whole thing when he was on with you about how the periodic table shouldn't be squares, it should be circle, and he had like a really good argument for it. | ||
| And I remember just being like, that does sound really impressive. | ||
| Well, that's what the thing is then like when you see someone like Eric Weinstein go like oh, yeah He's got a good point about this. | ||
| You're like wait seriously. | ||
| He's nailing it. | ||
| All right He's fucking genius man Terrence Howard is fucking genius He's just sometimes guys are too smart for everybody around them and they just get off on the wrong track Yeah And if you're used to being the smartest guy in the room, and then all of a sudden you're talking to a guy who's, like, spooky smart, it's, you know, it's a little unsettling. | ||
| It's like, you know, a guy who tells you he's a comic. | ||
| You know, he's telling everybody he's a comic. | ||
| Hey, Mike is a comic. | ||
| Mike works down the... | ||
| And then you meet Mike, and you're like, how long have you been doing comedy? | ||
| Well, I've done a couple open mic nights. | ||
| And you're like, oh, okay. | ||
| Okay, you're not really a comic, right? | ||
| Right. | ||
| You're not making a living. | ||
| You're not getting paid. | ||
| Well, I don't have any money for Terrence Howard and his projects. | ||
| I gave it all to Eddie Winslow from Family Matters to clean up the ocean machine he's building. | ||
| There is a kid that's cleaning up the ocean. | ||
| What's that kid's name? | ||
| Boyan Slott? | ||
| You ever seen that machine he's invented? | ||
| His name is Boyant? | ||
| Boyan. | ||
| I was going to be like, that's funny. | ||
| That's so on the news. | ||
| I never even thought of that until you said it. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| I've even had him on the show. | ||
| Boyan Slott. | ||
| He was like 19 when he invented this. | ||
| He invented this gigantic skimmer that's been scooping stuff off the ocean, and then they turn the plastic into sunglasses and shit, which will eventually find their way back in the ocean. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| That's apt for a little bit at least. | ||
| They make stuff, which you'll find their way into landfills. | ||
| That's really crazy. | ||
| Dude, 19. Super fucking smart. | ||
| Like, spooky smart kid just said, this is what I want to dedicate my life to. | ||
| So if you get a video of how they do it, it's pretty wild. | ||
| But they've already cleaned up a significant amount, and they have this proposal to make and scale the thing up and make it huge, and they think they can clean up the whole garbage patch within the next decade or so. | ||
| It's incredible. | ||
| It's nuts, but it's nuts that the fucking thing existed, and plastic's only been around for, like, how long? | ||
| A hundred years? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And we already have a Texas-sized chunk of it sitting in the middle of the fucking ocean. | ||
| People are great. | ||
| We're the best. | ||
| I know. | ||
| People also make things that young and get this kind of thing. | ||
| I feel like their later-in-life lash out is what ends up being crazy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| It's going to be all coke and hookers. | ||
| Yeah, they gave up all their fun stuff, so then it's just too wild afterwards. | ||
| Right. | ||
| He's going to get all that eco-pussy, too. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Once you shave those bitches down, there's usually something hot under there. | ||
| It's usually the kind of gals that are willing to throw paint on statues and glue themselves to the floor, you know? | ||
| No more oil. | ||
| So this is just all sitting in the ocean. | ||
| Yeah, so he scoops all this stuff out with each run of this, and this is just, you know, one haul. | ||
| And they just continue to do this, and then they crane it and pack it and turn it into different objects and stuff, and you can buy that stuff. | ||
| That's fine. | ||
| It's a good thing. | ||
| Is 3D printing better for the environment? | ||
| And he becomes a cokehead partier a little bit later, or he dies, like a whale ate him while he was helping clean up the thing. | ||
| I was watching this thing on Singapore and how well Singapore recycles. | ||
| It's incredible. | ||
| Singapore takes all of their garbage, they pick it up like multiple times, they have this insane facility where they sort it out, they find out what's plastic, what's this, what's that. | ||
| They use the plastic and they figure out some way to use it to To make power, to generate power by burning it, and they have this insane filtration system that stops it from polluting the air, and then they take it and they grind a lot of this stuff down, and they use it to make roads with it, and they recycle everything. | ||
| Isn't our recycling bullshit? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bullshit! | |
| Bullshit! | ||
| I remember reading about this years ago, that our recycling is all just bullshit. | ||
| And it pisses me off. | ||
| Every time I put stuff into my recycling, it makes me so angry, because I read that like 10% of it gets actually recycled. | ||
| Yeah, we thought we were good people. | ||
| We're just getting scammed. | ||
| He's getting scammed to buy a fucking blue dumpster. | ||
| What is the point of it though? | ||
| What is the whole scam? | ||
| I don't understand why you do it. | ||
| It's too expensive to convert. | ||
| There was one rich guy sitting on a bunch of blue garbage cans. | ||
| See if he can find something on how Singapore does it. | ||
| I know I saved it, if you want me to find it. | ||
| You're saying they do a good job? | ||
| Incredible! | ||
| They fucking recycle everything. | ||
| They have this insanely efficient way of taking the plastic and re-utilizing it and using it to fill streets and pave roads and build things. | ||
| They're using all of it. | ||
| Whereas we're just fucking sticking it in the ground. | ||
| Somebody else will figure it out. | ||
| We'll cover it up with dirt. | ||
| Singapore looks like it's made of Legos. | ||
| It's just plastic everywhere. | ||
| It's pretty nuts, man. | ||
| No, it's pretty beautiful. | ||
| They also polluted the ocean with that plane. | ||
| Yeah, that's right. | ||
| Yeah, human beings are fucking weird. | ||
| We are weird. | ||
| Do you remember how much you used to litter back in the day? | ||
| In the 90s? | ||
| Dude, I would fucking... | ||
| Anytime I had a Coca-Cola cup, I'd just throw it right out the window. | ||
| I don't give a shit. | ||
| Full bag of trash is on the highway side. | ||
| So it used to be a big problem. | ||
| So they used to have a big trash problem, apparently. | ||
| And that's what led them to this insane, like, super efficient version of recycling. | ||
| And super thorough. | ||
| Pretty interesting shit, man. | ||
| Waste generated. | ||
| Oh, we're making a lot of waste. | ||
| Yeah, we make plenty of waste, son. | ||
| That's what America does, motherfucker. | ||
| If you don't like it, you can move to China. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We must leave the world. | ||
| Yeah, so they take it and they burn it, and that burning it is what powers electricity. | ||
| It's really insanely efficient. | ||
| And then again, they use it for all kinds of stuff, but the point is they utilize all the trash, and that's what we're supposed to be doing. | ||
| But there's a bunch of knuckleheads, the same knuckleheads that are in charge of the homeless, and the homelessness just keeps growing, and we need more funds to deal with this issue that we can't deal with. | ||
| It's the same fucking thing. | ||
| If you had private companies that were incentivized to collect all the plastic and they could take that plastic and use it for all kinds of things... | ||
| That's right. | ||
| All you gotta do is set up the incentives and human beings figure it out. | ||
| All you gotta do is go, if you solve this problem you can become a billionaire. | ||
| And then some genius will figure it out to become a billionaire. | ||
| Isn't that interesting? | ||
| We're not willing to give the private sector access to garbage so much So much that we'll let them pretend they're recycling and just stick stuff in the ground that's plastic because it's not cost effective to turn it into things. | ||
| Can sanitation be one of the last mafia run businesses? | ||
| Well, it's run by a section of the government, right? | ||
| But it's like, if you were competing against Singapore, you would lose. | ||
| Okay? | ||
| If like one city was run by Singapore, like Chicago was run by Singapore, but Detroit was run by people who do it right now. | ||
| And you had to figure out which way is better for the city, which way looks better, which way is more efficient, which way actually creates less overall waste because you just recycle it and reuse it, and it actually works as an asset and a commodity. | ||
| Wouldn't that be better? | ||
| If somebody could do it, you could do it. | ||
| But the problem is there's no fucking incentives. | ||
| There's probably so much infrastructure within all of these. | ||
| It's just been however many years that we've been having this system of sanitation that it's like to try to change that in any sort of abrupt way is insane. | ||
| What do you even do? | ||
| I remember there was a landfill near my house. | ||
| We would ride our bikes down to the train tracks and find the landfill, and it was just piles and piles and piles of garbage. | ||
| It's basically the modern version of what it was like to live in a city with horses shitting in the streets. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's like a mild version of it. | ||
| Which wasn't like much thought put into like the down-the-road times. | ||
| Now it's just weird. | ||
| Not only that, it gets into the water. | ||
| You know, when you just dump a bunch of shit on the ground like that, you know, you're allowed to have a place where you just fill it in. | ||
| What about the water that's running under that? | ||
| Like, what happens there? | ||
| Liquid death. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| This is heavy metal water. | ||
| It becomes liquid death water. | ||
| Yeah, there's like so much fucked up and how we do things and not course correcting. | ||
| But I mean is it so with the recycling thing is it just designed to fine us for not recycling and create more revenue streams? | ||
| I think initially they had this idea that that's what they were gonna do that they were gonna recycle things and they do recycle bottles and they do recycle cans because it's cost-effective. | ||
| The problem with plastic it's not cost-effective to recycle so 90% of it or something in the range of that gets thrown in the ground they just put it in the dirt and Which is the fucking worst. | ||
| Like, why are you making me separate garbage? | ||
| Can I just put plastic? | ||
| Can we just admit? | ||
| And I'll just put plastic bottles in the garbage now? | ||
| Because that's what I've been doing. | ||
| I kind of gave up. | ||
| I gave up on your little bullshit charade. | ||
| I'm not going to be a part of this if I know you're not doing it. | ||
| Well, I see there's like a rule follow for a while. | ||
| People, it's so funny, I just kind of see the results, but I don't know what the actual fight is. | ||
| Sometimes in New York, there's plastic bags everywhere, and then one time they'll tell you, he goes, no, they're completely illegal now, plastic. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And then a month later, there is plastic bags. | |
| In New York, well, during the pandemic, they made that law maybe six months before the pandemic, and they were like, no more plastic bags, only paper. | ||
| And then the pandemic hit, and they were like, all right, we need to figure out priorities here. | ||
| And then they started using plastic bags again. | ||
| But in New Jersey, when I go to ShopRite, I have to pay for new reusable bags every time. | ||
| They no longer give even paper. | ||
| What a hot scam. | ||
| They're good for lighting fires, the paper ones. | ||
| Want to start a little fire in your fireplace? | ||
| Crumple up some paper bags, stick it under there. | ||
| It is like at the airport, they'll do that with the big paper bags, and they charge you for the paper bags. | ||
| Like, bags were always free. | ||
| Do you know what I'm saying? | ||
| I existed for 30 years on this planet of bags being free. | ||
| I think it just makes you think about it like every time. | ||
| One out of every hundred people remember to bring their own shopping bags. | ||
| What type of fucking nerd brings their own shopping bags? | ||
|
unidentified
|
You're a fucking dork. | |
| Paper bags are good, man, but they kill trees. | ||
| I said to my girlfriend to the store when she's been like, oh, let's go. | ||
| Well, wait, I'm going to run back to the apartment. | ||
| I forgot to get the bags. | ||
| We're going to buy a new bag. | ||
| I'm not. | ||
| You know what the biggest scam going is? | ||
| The paper bag industry. | ||
| Because they should all be hemp paper bags. | ||
| If they were all hemp paper bags, they would be a hundred times better. | ||
| They'd be so much stronger. | ||
| You wouldn't have to chop down a tree to do it. | ||
| You'd chop down a stalk of a plant that doesn't even make weed. | ||
| They have them where there's no THC in them at all, and you make gigantic fucking chunks of this paper that's almost indestructible. | ||
| It's so different, you can barely tear it. | ||
| Is it cheaper? | ||
| No. | ||
| Sure it would be cheaper, if you had the infrastructure, because you could re... | ||
| Like, say if you have an acre of trees and you chop them down, it's gonna be fucking years before you can chop down the new ones that you plant afterwards. | ||
| It takes forever for them to grow. | ||
| But hemp, you can redo it every fucking few months. | ||
| That shit grows like a weed. | ||
| Wasn't it a big part of why weed was made illegal, because they didn't want the competition from hemp or something like that? | ||
| A hundred percent. | ||
| A hundred percent. | ||
| It was William Randolph Hearst. | ||
| Right. | ||
| He was the Reefer Madness guy along with Harry Anslinger. | ||
| They demonized it as a commodity. | ||
| If we had true freedom in terms of use the best plants to do stuff, that would be one of the number one – forget about the weed argument. | ||
| The number one thing is hemp. | ||
| It's so much better paper. | ||
| It's really strong in a weird way. | ||
| If you have a piece of hemp paper, you're like, what the fuck, man? | ||
| But hemp's legal now, right? | ||
| It's been suppressed for so fucking long that the infrastructure is not really available to compete with like regular paper. | ||
| Or to compete with, I mean they're making hemp clothes. | ||
| It's sort of an oddity. | ||
| That was always like a hempy thing. | ||
| Like if you could find like even before it was legal. | ||
| Woody Harrelson was real big on hemp for a long time. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He was. | |
| It's way better. | ||
| There's a company called Datsusara, they make hemp geese. | ||
| They're the best geese, man. | ||
| They don't rip. | ||
| Cotton geese rip. | ||
| These hemp geese are like indestructible. | ||
| The only thing that gives out on them is the threads give out. | ||
| I feel like you don't want to get caught in a hemp gi choke, though. | ||
| I'd much rather just like a regular gi than a hemp gi. | ||
| Like, dude, I forgot to tag. | ||
| The only gis that rip are old ones, man. | ||
| A regular gi will fuck you up. | ||
| I read a thing about spider silk earlier today, as we're talking about materials. | ||
| Apparently spider silk is one of the most strong... | ||
| They make actual clothing and garments out of it. | ||
| I believe that because you get caught in one string of it and it's like on you for five minutes. | ||
| You can't get it off you. | ||
| Imagine if that was as thick as a power line. | ||
| It's one-fifth as thick as a human hair or one-tenth as thick as a human hair. | ||
| There was a team of guys who spent five years milking spiders, but they were using... | ||
| They were getting the silk out of these spiders, and they made this big fucking gown with it. | ||
| You know, there's a thing they're trying to do. | ||
| Okay, they're saying the human side. | ||
| Silk is used to make bulletproof clothing. | ||
| There's a thing they're trying to do now, though, where they're trying to make human skin. | ||
| And you know how they can kind of splice genetics together? | ||
| They want to make human skin that is made with this gene for this spider silk. | ||
| See if you can find that. | ||
| This is how you end up in a superhero movie, man. | ||
| This is the plot of Blood Proof 2, remember? | ||
| Human skin. | ||
| Right now it's theoretical, but if you think about what they're going to be able to do medically just in the next decade or two, especially with the AI stuff that's coming off. | ||
| Oh, that's the scary shit. | ||
| It's the scary shit. | ||
| As soon as they start integrating humans with that stuff, they're going to come up with all sorts of solutions to all sorts of problems. | ||
| And one of them is going to be non-bulletproof skin. | ||
| Instead of stopping crime, we're going to just make everybody mandatory just so you get vaccinated. | ||
| Everybody's going to have to get bulletproof skin. | ||
| So we don't have to worry about gun violence anymore. | ||
| It doesn't work anymore. | ||
| We're just shooting each other in the head like Wolverine. | ||
| We're going to evolve through technology. | ||
| We can't afford bulletproof skin. | ||
| We're going to all look like turtles. | ||
| We're all like ninja turtles in the future. | ||
| We're all gonna be like covered with armor. | ||
| And it'll be just wild kingdom out there in the streets. | ||
| Every day is a fucking street takeover. | ||
| Philadelphia, yeah. | ||
| Philadelphia street takeover. | ||
| Maybe that's how we get out of this. | ||
| You know, like humans had to figure out opposable thumbs to be able to throw spears. | ||
| Maybe at one point in time we have to just grow armor. | ||
| We're not gonna fix this problem of violence. | ||
| It would be pretty badass. | ||
| Just have you especially if you're the first human with it like if you get to be the first one who's got armor like for real how the fuck did a turtle become a turtle? | ||
| How long did that take? | ||
| And what the fuck? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm guessing a lot. | |
| I think it was a rat found him in the sewers Let's see I've won him at a carnival But think of all the animals that are so vulnerable, and this one motherfucker goes, you know what? | ||
| I got an idea. | ||
| And somehow or another, over the course of who knows how many fucking million years, it becomes a goddamn turtle. | ||
| And it's such a good design that it hasn't changed in forever. | ||
| You ever see the videos of alligators and crocodiles just fucking smashing through turtles like a cookie? | ||
| Saltwater Crocs, just crushing them up like they're nothing. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Oh, it's so disgusting. | ||
| It's brutal. | ||
| Yeah, see if you can find a video of it. | ||
| So the Bulletproof Skin was a story from 2012. Yeah. | ||
| It was a project with an artist. | ||
| I don't know that they were actually ever trying to do this. | ||
| That's a fucking CIA cover. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I couldn't find anything. | |
| I couldn't find anything new. | ||
| They're going to cover Jason Bourne with Bulletproof Skin first, and they're going to say, Jesus Christ, that's Jason Bourne with Bulletproof Skin. | ||
| Oh, Genghis Khan wanted it. | ||
| Of course he wanted it. | ||
| The legendary emperor said to have issued his horsemen with silk vests as an arrow hitting silk does not break it, but ends up embedded in the flesh wrapped in silk. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| So the silk was so strong that the arrows would just go into your skin and you wouldn't get hit. | ||
| It's like a Kevlar. | ||
| So you'd still get fucked up, but you wouldn't get full penetration. | ||
| It wouldn't penetrate. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Silk. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's crazy. | |
| I'm gonna buy you a silk shirt and shoot you with an arrow. | ||
| Damn. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Those arrows sucked. | |
| Those broadheads sucked. | ||
| Yeah, Joe Rogan could fucking shoot somebody with a silk shirt on. | ||
| You could not do that today. | ||
| Yeah, there's a different... | ||
| I don't know what kind of silk they had, but a modern-day broadhead? | ||
| Those things are horrifying. | ||
| Well, I don't understand it, but it can't just be like a silk t-shirt. | ||
| They had to have some type of thick silk, even for arrows back then. | ||
| Yeah, it must have been really thick. | ||
| Because they were powerful bows too, especially the Mongols. | ||
| The Mongols had these insane bows that took like 160 pounds to draw back. | ||
| And they were famous for like, when they looked at their skeletons, their bones, the one side of their body was like deformed. | ||
| Because they were pulling with the right arm their whole life. | ||
| Their whole spine and everything. | ||
| They have giant bones in their shoulders and arms. | ||
| Their whole body developed to pull this fucking insane bow back. | ||
| So that kind of a bow has crazy power behind it. | ||
| With this bullshit homemade arrow and these fucking whatever kind of heads they were using back then. | ||
| Dude, that would suck to put all that effort into pulling the bow and then Silk takes it out. | ||
| I did that for nothing. | ||
| I got beat by Silk. | ||
| I wonder if it would work with their bows. | ||
| I wonder if that was just for the enemy's bows. | ||
| Because the Mongols were... | ||
| They were so advanced militarily. | ||
| Which is really bizarre. | ||
| That this one dude's group who likes to live in tents decide to literally take over the fucking world and would have done it. | ||
| Got pretty close. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They killed 10% of the people on the fucking planet during his lifetime. | ||
| All people like that always have weird facial hair. | ||
| There is, however, little historical basis to this... | ||
| What is it? | ||
| The silk shirt claim? | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| You'd like the Earth to claim the Mongols wore a silk shirt. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bring it up! | |
| This is bullshit. | ||
| Hey, Jamie, can you stop making us look like assholes at every chance? | ||
| Pretty odd thing that tells me I was wrong from front to back. | ||
| There is, however, little historical basis. | ||
| No primary source can be found containing the statement. | ||
| The earliest mention of it in relation to the Mongols comes from Michael Proudin's 1934 The Shingis Khan Der Sturm Aus Eisen Proudin, did I get that right? | ||
| Eager to give Mongols every technological edge over their foes, appears to have assumed the Mongols as a warrior race, would only have worn silk for military purposes. | ||
| But is there any historical depictions of silk stopping arrows? | ||
| See if you can find that. | ||
| Maybe the Mongols didn't do it, or maybe it was like a theory. | ||
| The AI from Google says that they wore silk underclothes to help prevent blood loss from arrows, and that they had armor that was sewn together with silk, but there was some sort of plates. | ||
| That makes much more sense. | ||
| So it's like, yeah, under the armor with silk. | ||
| Just like the samurai outfits. | ||
| They have these plates, and they have the mesh under the plates so they can move around. | ||
| We have one of those samurai outfits out there. | ||
| It's a real one. | ||
| From the 1800s. | ||
| Really? | ||
| It's freaky. | ||
| It's freaky to think these dudes... | ||
| Joe had to use this time machine to go get it. | ||
| You can buy them. | ||
| It took a long time. | ||
| On it actually got for me as a gift. | ||
| It's like a pain in the ass to get it over here. | ||
| I'd imagine that's a tough thing to buy, yeah. | ||
| It's a weird thing. | ||
| It's a museum box. | ||
| We talked about doing... | ||
| So they do these medieval fights. | ||
| It's almost like MMA in medieval gear. | ||
| We talked about doing it at Skank Fest, but to ship the armor... | ||
| To Vegas from wherever they were, it would be so expensive. | ||
| It would make more sense to drive it out in a van, just like with a team of people. | ||
| You've seen those Russian videos where those guys beat the fuck out of each other with swords? | ||
| Yeah, that's what it is, yeah. | ||
| Dude, don't do that, Lewis. | ||
| I can't believe I have to tell you don't do that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Please don't do that. | |
| You got armor, dude. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I got a sword! | ||
| Bro, you're gonna get hit in the head with a sword, you're gonna forget all your jokes. | ||
| No, it's alright. | ||
| Start fresh. | ||
| Imagine how much a sword weighs. | ||
| No, I got him a spider silk hat. | ||
| He's fine. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ha ha ha! | |
| Even if you have that helmet on, imagine how much I fucking sword weighs and it's hit you in the head. | ||
| Well, the armor is like 120 pounds, 130 pounds. | ||
| How much would you need around your head to let someone hit you in the head with a sword? | ||
| I'd need a lot more than that. | ||
| Yeah, more than that. | ||
| A lot more than that. | ||
| Oh, that'd be fun, though. | ||
| Bro, you get a shield to the head. | ||
| You're getting C, T, motherfucking E. You can pretend that you're protected. | ||
| You are not protected from that rattle, son. | ||
| Jesus Christ! | ||
| Lewis! | ||
| Do you still remember your jokes? | ||
| Look at the dents in that guy's helmet. | ||
| Where he's got hit in the head with a fucking sword. | ||
| M1 Medieval. | ||
| This fucking rules. | ||
| And they're doing it live for what I would describe as not that many people. | ||
| Yeah, 45 people in the crowd. | ||
| Well, I know, but if I went to this, I would go home and I'd go, I can't believe there's only 45 people in this thing. | ||
| This is the coolest thing I've ever seen. | ||
| Do you want to have a giant turkey leg and a giant goblet? | ||
| Gosh, they got everything. | ||
| Renaissance fair. | ||
| They got the dart game where you can win the animal. | ||
| I'm going back. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| He's on top of him. | ||
| Beating him with his shield. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| This is a weapon. | ||
| He's beating him with his weapon. | ||
| That's insane, man. | ||
| That knight had really good top control. | ||
| That kind of weight dropping down on your head with that big ass fucking shield. | ||
| And look at this virgin, he's gonna take his helmet off. | ||
| Hello, hi guys! | ||
| Thank you everybody! | ||
| You also have to take into account- It's been a pleasure performing for you. | ||
| You gotta take into account the weight of all that armor on his arm and how much more that's driving down the impact of it. | ||
| Right, right, right. | ||
| Just coming down? | ||
| Yeah, all that weight, because it's all covered in steel, and then he has this big-ass fucking shield and steel gloves on. | ||
| And he's coming down on your head with that, over and over and over again. | ||
| You think that's a terrible idea? | ||
| That's more dangerous than MMA? Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah? | |
| Yeah, man. | ||
| That guy, Mike, got real fucked up. | ||
| Like a different kind of, like a cracked skull type fucked up. | ||
| They fed him to a dragon afterwards. | ||
| I mean, that seems like that could kill somebody. | ||
| That doesn't seem like, even with armor on, I don't believe that you can be okay from getting hit like that in the head. | ||
| Well, also, all the shit from the NFL is like, the helmet doesn't really matter, because when it's cracking against your head and you're rattling around, it's still not great. | ||
| How good could that helmet be where you would let a dude with a shield and an iron fucking sleeve on slam down on your head over and over and over again? | ||
| That could crack your skull. | ||
| I'd rather do that than slapbox with an MMA person. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, dude. | |
| Well, there's no way that's good for you. | ||
| I would do that over power slap any day of the week. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| Would you? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh my god, look at these guys have fucking axes, man. | |
| This is what I want to do. | ||
| This is so insane. | ||
| This is so fucking insane. | ||
| Lewis, let's me and you fight this game with spears. | ||
| Let's go, dude. | ||
| I gotta run to the bathroom. | ||
| Don't do this, you two. | ||
| And I do want to watch a full pay-per-view of this now. | ||
| It does look great. | ||
| This does rule. | ||
| Here's the thing. | ||
| If you allow these guys to have no armor, dudes would sign up. | ||
| If you decided you're going to have a full sword fight version of this with no armor, guys would show up with a fucking bikini on, ready to slice you up. | ||
| If we decided one day, if some crazy country, some fucking warlord, dictator type dude decided to have actual sword fights with no armor on, dudes would do it. | ||
| There's enough psychotic men out there that will sign up for that. | ||
| They'll just jump into something. | ||
| Yeah, for sure. | ||
| Back in the day, we used to watch felony fights, dude. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| And those guys, they would give the two guys nunchucks. | ||
| They'd just beat the shit out of each other in a parking lot. | ||
| And just two fucking Mexican guys wailing on each other. | ||
| I remember this Mexican dude, fuck this white dude up. | ||
| And he was a good boxer. | ||
| And he cracked him and knocked him out. | ||
| And then when he got him on the ground, he kept dropping knees on his unconscious head. | ||
| Oh, and he was like, you know that one? | ||
| Yeah, when he was breathing like crazy, it was really brutal. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It was horrible. | |
| It was horrible. | ||
| They're like, ah! | ||
| Yeah, the sound like seizing up and shit. | ||
| I was listening to Howard Stern the other day It was an old one where they were talking the people that were good old days the PA the people that were trying to get on Like that the one-way trip to Mars they were gonna try to do it was from years like 2012 and they said it wasn't gonna go until 2020 some which I don't think it ever end up happening But like like there was they said it was thousands of people We're trying to get on that mission. | ||
| One-way trip to die on Mars. | ||
| Yeah, thousands. | ||
| Oh, to die. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It had to be whittled down. | ||
| By the way, it's being whittled down to like 16 people, so it was not a lot of people. | ||
| But they were like, oh yeah, you had to go through. | ||
| And it's like, how many doctors and all kinds? | ||
| It's pretty crazy, like how much people are willing to do some shit like that. | ||
| Nutty people, bro. | ||
| There's a lot of people out there that want to end it. | ||
| Just like this guy that want to be null. | ||
| They said for sure you, they said, well not for sure, but they said, odds are you definitely will never make it to Mars. | ||
| And if you get there, you're probably going to die in route. | ||
| You're always going to have people that want to sign up for that kind of stuff. | ||
| Whatever the thing is. | ||
| Remember back in the day, there was a big thing in New York in the 90s. | ||
| There were bug chasers. | ||
| It was like a sect of the gay community that was trying to get AIDS. Oh, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, absolutely. | ||
| There's a great series on Netflix right now called The Terror. | ||
| And it's about these guys that try to cross the ice paths. | ||
| In, like, the 1800s, and they never make it. | ||
| Spoiler alert. | ||
| It gets fucking dark, dude. | ||
| It gets dark. | ||
| These dudes just got stranded on a boat with other guys, and of course they started eating each other. | ||
| The real story. | ||
| It's based on a real story. | ||
| These gentlemen actually did do this, and they didn't find their body. | ||
| They didn't find anything until, like, years and years later, they went and they found clear evidence of, like, people getting cut up. | ||
| What was the time period? | ||
| 1800s. | ||
| They just thought they were slick and they're gonna make it across and it was a particularly cold winter and the ice never thawed in that area and they just got stuck there. | ||
| They just got stuck and then the ice developed all around them and they were there for years. | ||
| I mean, that's like a thing of survival, which I understand, but you see people that go to like, what's the big thing? | ||
| Fish concert and start to meet each other. | ||
| Who's new snacks? | ||
| What's the mountain? | ||
| Like the tallest one, the hardest one to climb? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Everest? | |
| Yeah, Everest. | ||
| You see those videos of like the bodies that are like, the bodies are now markers. | ||
| Like you get to a certain, they name a guy like Jim. | ||
| It's like, that's Jim. | ||
| He's when you're at however many feet high. | ||
| And there's no way to get their bodies back down, so they just stay there frozen. | ||
| You have to leave him there. | ||
| No one can retrieve him and stay alive. | ||
| It's too dangerous. | ||
| That's wild. | ||
| It's fucking nuts, man. | ||
| You can find, like, one of the first guys that ever died up there. | ||
| It's all white. | ||
| It looks like a statue. | ||
| And he's face down. | ||
| Face down on the rock, frozen. | ||
| And they don't touch the, uh... | ||
| See if you can find the image. | ||
| The image is... | ||
| I mean, somebody must... | ||
| Haunting, because it's there for anybody to see. | ||
| There isn't one person who can climb it who can, like, uh... | ||
| No. | ||
| No, I'm saying one person that can climb it that can, like, that's done, like, something shitty to the stuff up there. | ||
| Yeah, making the suck of a dick. | ||
| Like, kick the head off. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know when you were kids, you'd take, like, the reindeer on people's lawns and put them in different positions? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| Look at this. | ||
| This guy's dead. | ||
| But there's one we... | ||
| That one in the lower left-hand corner, Jamie. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jesus. | |
| Lower left-hand corner. | ||
| That one. | ||
| That's the one. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Ugh. | ||
| Bro, imagine walking past that and go, yeah, that guy's a pussy. | ||
| I'm gonna fucking make it up there, and I'm gonna come back down, I'm gonna jerk off on his back! | ||
| With a fucking Chicago Bulls hat on. | ||
| So he's completely frozen. | ||
| Yeah, he's frozen. | ||
| He's dead forever. | ||
| He's been dead for a long time. | ||
| Look, that guy's got old-ass clothes on that have been just slowly worn away by time. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| There's a regular picture from the 70s. | ||
| But this is what happens. | ||
| People die like you'll be in a group. | ||
| And somebody dies and you go, well, guys, we have to leave him. | ||
| And you're like, what? | ||
| That's my cousin. | ||
| You have to leave them while they're dying. | ||
| Or you could die. | ||
| You can't help them. | ||
| You have to just go. | ||
| And they're just going to die a slow death. | ||
| Look at these guys got trapped. | ||
| I can't believe how many people agree to do death sentences, but then there's something like the submersible thing that was just like, everyone was like cheersing champagne, like this is the best, and then it just ends immediately. | ||
| Oh, they saved that guy. | ||
| Look how he got trapped. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Imagine getting trapped like that and that's it? | ||
| You just slowly die like that? | ||
| Wishing you could just get shot in the head and not have to slowly die? | ||
| That's so insane. | ||
| It's all so insane. | ||
| And it's just to get to the top so you got there. | ||
| I mean, how exhilarating? | ||
| It has to be so... | ||
| I bet it's not that great. | ||
| Well, it's probably you realize you could do something very difficult, which a lot of people have a desire to do, and it's also a bragging right for a lot of dickheads. | ||
| There's a lot of dickheads, I want to tell you. | ||
| I've been in Nepal. | ||
| I went up to Everest. | ||
| I really helped the community. | ||
| There's a lot of people that just do it for street cred. | ||
| I wrote an acoustic guitar song up there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's pretty gay. | |
| Some people, they just want to fucking challenge themselves, though, in some insane way where they might die. | ||
| I think it's when you don't have kids. | ||
| Any of those things, like skydiving, I always wanted to skydive, and I'm terrified of heights, but as soon as I had a kid, I was like, I'm not jumping out of a plane. | ||
| I'm the same unnecessary risk, and I said now as my daughter's older, too, having that thing where it's like, now she'd have to be like... | ||
| What happened to your dad? | ||
| His chute didn't open. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| Motorcycle. | ||
| It was raining, and he turned on his motorcycle a little too fast. | ||
| I was going to get a motorcycle license. | ||
| I was sitting in traffic, and I was just watching motorcycles zip between me, and I was like, dude, I've got to get a motorcycle. | ||
| And it was maybe the fifth time that I crashed my car in 2022 that I was like, this is going to be the death of me. | ||
| Lewis had a moment where he was like, I don't think I should do armored fighting or get a motorcycle. | ||
| Maybe neither of these are good ideas. | ||
| Gentlemen, I have to trust you because I have to pee. | ||
| So keep chatting amongst yourselves. | ||
| Don't fuck up my show. | ||
| Don't get me in trouble. | ||
| You're leaving the number one show in the world being left in the hands of the Legion of Skanks. | ||
| What could possibly go wrong? | ||
| Let's take calls. | ||
| Jamie, open the phone lines. | ||
| What if it just turns out there's been phone lines the entire time? | ||
| People have been waiting to get on the Joe Rogan Experience. | ||
| Jim on three says you've got some new ideas for the show. | ||
| But it's all way behind. | ||
| It's all a guy who's like, I want to say something to Brian Redman. | ||
| You're years late, sir. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes, I've been on hold for 17 years. | |
| This is going well, guys. | ||
| What do you guys think? | ||
| I think he's going pretty well so far. | ||
| Does he like us? | ||
| And when I say us, I mean you two. | ||
| I think this Joe fellow has a future in broadcasting. | ||
| Oh, yeah, he's doing all right. | ||
| He's doing all right. | ||
| I'll give him some notes, but... | ||
| Man, I'll tell you what, though. | ||
| His... | ||
| His on-air stuff, his accoutrement to the table is very different than ours. | ||
| It's cooler than ours. | ||
| We just have a racist bear. | ||
| We have a racist bear. | ||
| I like to think we're getting there. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We are. | ||
| But no one's ever made us art out of drums or stuff like that. | ||
| Yeah, this is all really cool stuff. | ||
| This is an actual dinosaur head. | ||
| It's a real skull. | ||
| Yeah, he was like, dude, this is actually a real UFO? We actually went to Mars and found a miniature UFO. Oh, isn't this like a Tyrannosaurus windpipe or something? | ||
| I don't even think I'm wrong about that. | ||
| I think it's something like that. | ||
| Jamie, is that what we're looking at? | ||
| There might be a walrus dick up there somewhere. | ||
| It does kind of look like a walrus dick now that you mention it. | ||
| That was pulled out of the permafrost in Alaska. | ||
| This was? | ||
| Yeah, see how it's shaved or saw in there? | ||
| No one knows why. | ||
| It's all flat like that. | ||
| That's the talk. | ||
| Dude, if I steal the thing from the permafrost? | ||
| Everybody take a little thing. | ||
| Dave, take a commemorative coin. | ||
| I'm gonna take Dice's cigarette. | ||
| Nah, I don't need to steal anything. | ||
| I'll be back. | ||
| Maybe we should leave something. | ||
| Yeah, Dave. | ||
| Dave, we really dumb you down for this show, huh? | ||
| Oh, we're having fun, boys. | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| Jamie was telling us about this unfrozen walrus dick or something. | ||
| Yeah, it's a bone. | ||
| That's not... | ||
| Oh, no, it's not. | ||
| We actually have a walrus... | ||
| What is it? | ||
| What kind of bone is it? | ||
| What kind of bone is it? | ||
| The walrus dick bone. | ||
| The walrus dick bone. | ||
| Where is that? | ||
| Is that in the other studio? | ||
| If it's not up there, it's in the other one. | ||
| We got a walrus stick bone. | ||
| Is it not very big? | ||
| It's very small. | ||
| It's fucking huge. | ||
| It's giant. | ||
| Wait, do walrus sticks actually have bones? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What is it called? | ||
| A proboscis? | ||
| What is it called? | ||
| Something like that? | ||
| Isn't that a nose? | ||
| Isn't it proboscis, a nose? | ||
| Can't slow down this podcast with dumb questions like that. | ||
| It's called a baculum. | ||
| It's a bone. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| That's what they look like. | ||
| They're giant. | ||
| And that's an actual walrus's cock. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's why they're always hailing Hitler. | ||
| Big fadsy. | ||
| Yeah, it's actually a bone. | ||
| Because nature doesn't have time for your hard-ons. | ||
| You get a bone. | ||
| With us, it's like two complicated, raised kids, like, you gotta be really into this. | ||
| I want you to be, like, in the mood. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Fully committed. | ||
| Wait, do dogs have bones? | ||
| Yeah, the dogs have bones. | ||
| No. | ||
| Yeah, they do. | ||
| Yeah, dogs have bones. | ||
| Are you fucking with me right now, Joe? | ||
| I think cats have bones. | ||
| I don't know if dogs have bones. | ||
| Don't they all have bones? | ||
| Isn't a Loch Ness Monster actually like a whale flipping upside down and his cock coming out of the water? | ||
| I've heard that. | ||
| The Loch Ness Monster photo, the famous one, is fake as fuck. | ||
| But they said it's actually, if you see a whale flipping over on its back and its dick comes out, it's what it looks like. | ||
| They said it probably much could have been that. | ||
| Nah, it's horse shit. | ||
| Or it's a sturgeon, probably a sturgeon. | ||
| Canine baculum. | ||
| Yeah, I guess they have dog dicks. | ||
| Dogs have a bone in their penis. | ||
| So they have the same thing, baculum. | ||
| It doesn't taste like it has a bone in it. | ||
| I think it's only us. | ||
| I think the chimps and the primates are the only ones that God doesn't trust. | ||
| You can't have a bone. | ||
| You just use it all day long. | ||
| You never build houses. | ||
| God made the right call on that one. | ||
| You don't want to give us a bone. | ||
| It's too easy for us to fuck, so the bone dies off. | ||
| That's probably what happened. | ||
| Because it's too easy. | ||
| Because if we just bred, like, we're already overpopulated. | ||
| Not really, but, I mean, if you wanted to look at us compared to any other animal, the balance is way off. | ||
| There's way more of us than there are of them. | ||
| We're everywhere. | ||
| We're on every fucking part of the country. | ||
| Every part of the world. | ||
| Some primates do have one. | ||
| Which ones? | ||
| It's not us. | ||
| Ah, we got robbed. | ||
| The cool ones? | ||
| It says gorilla and chimpanzees. | ||
| The baculum with the dog's penis. | ||
| Did you watch that thing yet? | ||
| The chimp crazy on HBO? I loved it. | ||
| Did you say gorillas have them? | ||
| Gorillas of the bone! | ||
| So that's exactly what happened. | ||
| You do not want to get fucked by a gorilla. | ||
| We developed agriculture in cities, and the bone went away. | ||
| Because then we would just fuck all day. | ||
| We would never figure out cities. | ||
| Well, it said chimps have them, which are supposed to be our closest... | ||
| No houses. | ||
| No phones, right? | ||
| Where's their cell phone? | ||
| In order to get a cell phone, you gotta lose the bone. | ||
| Constantly jerking off and throwing shit at each other. | ||
| It's like whatever the common ancestor of us and chimps is, that was the split. | ||
| They were like, look, we're gonna go in this direction where we build civilization. | ||
| And the chimps were like, we're gonna keep our dick bones. | ||
| So good luck. | ||
| That's exactly what happened. | ||
| They had a conversation about it. | ||
| They're like, I get it. | ||
| I understand why you want to do it. | ||
| The female has one? | ||
| She has a bone in her clitoris. | ||
| Damn. | ||
| Imagine how hard she comes. | ||
| Wait, there's a clit bone? | ||
| Yeah, buddy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's connected to the clippy bone. | |
| Well, it probably has to be because all animals that are mammals, they start off as female anyway. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Like the same process, I think, for primates in that. | ||
| Right? | ||
| That's why boy dogs have nipples. | ||
| So you're saying me and Lewis' penises aren't done yet? | ||
| We haven't grown into them. | ||
| There is definitely a market for grinding down dick bones and fucking putting them in your drinks or something, like energy drinks. | ||
| In China, it's probably right up there with tiger bones. | ||
| I guarantee it. | ||
| I guarantee it that they grind dick bones down in certain cultures. | ||
| Well, in certain cultures, they will want to drink rhino tea because it's naughty. | ||
| You know? | ||
| They know rhinos are an endangered species, but they cut their fucking horns off just to make tea. | ||
| And it's supposed to make your dick hard. | ||
| For real! | ||
| It's like a fucking... | ||
| It's so crazy. | ||
| It's because it's naughty. | ||
| I'm a naughty boy. | ||
| I'm going to serve you some... | ||
| You know, imagine you go over a guy's house like, what a fucking house. | ||
| Look at this guy. | ||
| You want some fucking rhino horn tea? | ||
| Wow, you've got the real shit. | ||
| Dude, you want a fucking dodo bird? | ||
| That guy's got a raccoon dick around his neck. | ||
| They sell them on Amazon. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They sell them? | |
| Oh, I need one. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That is awesome. | |
| I was looking at that going, yeah, I need a raccoon bone dick. | ||
| Yeah, but you don't want a raccoon one. | ||
| You want a fucking, like, a big ol' wolf. | ||
| Yeah, a wolf dick. | ||
| A bear dick? | ||
| With a nice open shirt. | ||
| That's what happened. | ||
| We were like, I don't need the dick bone. | ||
| I want to figure out space travel. | ||
| You can't figure out space travel if you have that dick bone. | ||
| Can this thing go away a little bit? | ||
| Once they develop the bulletproof skin, the next thing is going to be a reemergence of the dick bone. | ||
| Dick bone starts coming back. | ||
| You know who's going to fight against it, Viagra. | ||
| They're going to be like, fuck you, earn it. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| You know? | ||
| You'd put a lot of stuff, bulletproof skin, because this thing goes all the way up the ladder. | ||
| You've got to follow the money. | ||
| It's going to be a bulletproof dick bone for sure. | ||
| If you're going to put a dick bone in there, why make it a regular bone? | ||
| It's like one that can't break if a girl gets crazy. | ||
| The CEO of Viagra, as this podcast is out, is in a room somewhere going, they're talking about it on the Joe Rogan Experience, alright? | ||
| This threatens our entire business model. | ||
| Once AI goes live, it's going to be one of the first things we fix. | ||
| Bring back the dick bone. | ||
| We've already devolved enough. | ||
| We realize there's like a limit. | ||
| You get to the end of the road and civilization has to collapse and start over again. | ||
| But in the meantime, we're gonna need that dick bone back. | ||
| That might be the thing that drives the collapse. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Once you get the dick bone, there's no more need for civilization. | ||
| No, I think civilization collapses and then the re-emergence of the dick bone becomes a necessity because you have to fuck very quickly because you're getting eaten by animals. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Alright, I get it. | ||
| Yeah, and so there's madness, cannibal gangs in the streets. | ||
| Fucking block takeovers times a million. | ||
| Juggalos. | ||
| Here we go. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We're all back. | |
| We're right back here. | ||
| And you're gonna need a dick bone. | ||
| Because you have 13 seconds to impregnate your wife. | ||
| And then hope that neither one of you gets eaten on the way to the lake. | ||
| You're like, that was my third wife, by the way, so I'll have a fourth one soon. | ||
| Bro. | ||
| Is this the skull of a Wendigo? | ||
| An evil mythical forest creature? | ||
| No, it's a mule deer. | ||
| It's a mule deer. | ||
| It's just a regular deer. | ||
| Did you kill that one? | ||
| Yeah, it was the first animal I ever killed. | ||
| They told us you killed the crocodile that's out there. | ||
| It's an alligator. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sorry. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Sorry, Joe. | ||
| That's like, that's misgendering. | ||
| I just watched Joe actually get mad at me. | ||
| No, no, no, I didn't, but crocodiles are, like, that's a bigger accomplishment. | ||
| That's a scarier animal. | ||
| Way scarier. | ||
| That is a huge alligator. | ||
| It's a big-ass alligator. | ||
| That is a massive beast. | ||
| It's a big-ass alligator. | ||
| Wait, the crocodile is scarier than the alligator? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| Way scarier. | ||
| And what is it that makes them scarier? | ||
| They're way bigger, way more aggressive. | ||
| Jay, some of us are here to learn. | ||
| We look stupid now because of that dumb-ass question, dude. | ||
| They're fucking terrifying, man. | ||
| You know, they found a bunch of them in the Everglades in Florida. | ||
| You know, the same assholes that let loose their fucking pythons. | ||
| A bunch of them have let loose some giant Nile crocodiles. | ||
| Oh, is it the guy that was, he's riding like the fan boat through it and then all of a sudden like the ground is more... | ||
| Oh, that's a different one. | ||
| I think that's in Costa Rica. | ||
| I think that video. | ||
| I don't think that video is in America. | ||
| It might actually be a different kind of crocodile. | ||
| It might be in the Amazon. | ||
| I don't believe that's America. | ||
| But the ones in America, the ones they're spotting, they have like a kill on sight order for them in the Everglades. | ||
| Because if you have a fucking population of breeding Nile crocodiles in the Everglades, it's over. | ||
| It's fuck your golf. | ||
| Like, they're hunting people. | ||
| Kill on sight's a funny thing. | ||
| If you're unarmed, you just see what out there, they go, wow. | ||
| Government said, I gotta kill this thing on sight. | ||
| Like, let's go, motherfucker. | ||
| How do you kill an alligator? | ||
| You have to shoot it. | ||
| How many to date have they killed in the Everglades? | ||
| Because they've spotted, it's more than four, I think. | ||
| So the problem is they don't look through much of the Everglades. | ||
| It's too crazy. | ||
| It's so thick. | ||
| The whole middle of Florida is, like, Florida's the dick of the country, and that dick is infested with monster soup. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's just pythons! | |
| Pythons and fucking crocodiles and alligators everywhere, and there's no mammals left. | ||
| Like, 90% of the mammals in the Everglades are gone. | ||
| The crocodiles just fuck them all? | ||
| No, the pythons. | ||
| The pythons have killed everything. | ||
| Pythons have killed everything. | ||
| That's just like very recent, right? | ||
| Bythons are killing alligators. | ||
| They eat alligators. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| American crocs, it says when I look it up. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| Nile crocodiles in Everglades, for sure. | ||
| I was watching a news thing. | ||
| Nile crocs in... | ||
| Yeah, there it is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| That's something on Reddit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Ten years ago. | ||
| Ten years ago, someone caught a... | ||
| There's been more than one, though. | ||
| I think there's been four different ones that they've caught. | ||
| I don't know how my algorithm got this, but it was like if you ever get attacked by, it must have been a crocodile, maybe it was an alligator, but they told you what to do. | ||
| You ain't doing shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Can I guess? | |
| You punch it in the nose and put it through its frame like Apollo Creed. | ||
| By the way, step one is always stay calm. | ||
| Yeah, no. | ||
| First thing you want to do. | ||
| Do I play it? | ||
| Do I ask Vic? | ||
| What do I do? | ||
| You gotta roll with it, because it's gonna try to roll you, right? | ||
| And then, if you have an opportunity, play dead, because then it'll think you're dead. | ||
| Or it said, punch it in his nose, which is the funniest thing. | ||
| I was right. | ||
| I would say tickle it. | ||
| All of it's hilarious. | ||
| You ain't doing shit. | ||
| Try tickling it in different places. | ||
| You ain't doing shit. | ||
| My friend Jim Shockey. | ||
| You don't know that, Joe. | ||
| I might be able to tickle a fucking alligator. | ||
| My friend Jim Shockey got sent to Africa to hunt them because they were killing these people in this village. | ||
| Everybody in the village was like missing a hand. | ||
| They all had like bites taken out of them. | ||
| These crocodiles were like targeting these people like they were food. | ||
| And so they brought in this professional hunter, this guy who's a friend of mine, Jim Shockey, and he went to Africa and shot these crocodiles. | ||
| While he was there, one of the ladies got taken. | ||
| One of the ladies was washing clothes in the river and they just fucking snatched out. | ||
| Maybe don't wash clothes in the river. | ||
| But this is how crazy it is. | ||
| They develop like a system where they stick logs in the ground in like this circular area because they think the crocodiles can't come through it. | ||
| But I think the crocodiles are figuring out how to go on the ground when everyone's sleeping and slip right into that and wait. | ||
| Don't lions do that shit in Africa, too? | ||
| Like, they really hunt humans, right? | ||
| They'll really, like, plan it out and shit. | ||
| Did you ever see that Val Kilmer movie? | ||
| They have people whistles. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They go, sup, dude! | |
| Sup, dude! | ||
| No, it'd be like, who wants some pussy? | ||
| Who wants some pussy? | ||
| I got wild pussy in the woods! | ||
| Are you guys hearing that? | ||
| I'm gonna go check this out real quick. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'll be right back. | |
| Good morning! | ||
| I'm horny! | ||
| I wanna suck your dick! | ||
| Why doesn't the alien, the predator, like the guy who comes down and fucks people up, why doesn't he hunt us that way? | ||
| With calls? | ||
| Wouldn't that be more exciting for him? | ||
| Instead of just running people down and fucking taking their heads? | ||
| Hey, mercenary! | ||
| Hey, mercenary! | ||
| You literally hunt animals by getting them horny first? | ||
| Trick them into going on a wellness retreat. | ||
| Set it up like a deer blind, like a wellness retreat. | ||
| Yeah, dude, if you're a duck, you think you're about to get laid and you fucking just get blasted in the head? | ||
| Well, they think it's a safe place to land. | ||
| It's even more despicable. | ||
| They take rubber ducks and they put them everywhere. | ||
| Like, oh, it's a party! | ||
| Duck party! | ||
| Everybody's happy! | ||
| And then you come in and just imagine being a duck and just getting blasted out of the sky. | ||
| Like, how? | ||
| Yeah, that sucks. | ||
| I thought I had to worry about dogs and things like that. | ||
| I didn't think I'd worry about getting blasted out of the fucking sky. | ||
| Doug is delicious, though. | ||
| It is. | ||
| It's a delicious meat, yeah. | ||
| And it's probably fun to blast them out of the sky. | ||
| I haven't done that particular activity, but I bet it's a good time. | ||
| Just fucking pop the hatch. | ||
| Boom, boom, boom! | ||
| And then you cook them up that night. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nice! | |
| Yeah, it's gotta be a lot of fun. | ||
| But you gotta be careful you don't eat buckshot. | ||
| That's a real issue. | ||
| Because you don't always get all the little BBs. | ||
| Because a shotgun, you shoot it up there, it's a scatter. | ||
| That's how you can shoot birds. | ||
| Not for the migrants, dude. | ||
| They just grab them, break their neck, and cook them up. | ||
| That's the better way to do it, really. | ||
| Yeah, no buckshot needed. | ||
| Get those bitch-ass domesticated ducks that are subject to grabbing. | ||
| Those park ducks. | ||
| They don't know any better yet. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| I assume you can't just eat, like, lake duck. | ||
| You could. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Can you? | |
| Yeah, you could. | ||
| I mean, I'm sure you could eat, but I'm saying, is that, like, is there any kind of good? | ||
| It doesn't taste good. | ||
| When I go to the, when I get beef king duck, is that the same duck that you just see in, like, Central Park? | ||
| There's different kinds of ducks. | ||
| Some ducks are called diver ducks, and those are the least appetizing because diver ducks go all the way down to the bottom of where the ground is, the bottom of the lake, and they eat all the algae and all the bullshit and anything that's down there. | ||
| They eat anything. | ||
| They eat dead fish and all kinds of rotten things, and the idea is that they're not very tasty. | ||
| But the other ducks, there's like mallards and different ducks that people hunt. | ||
| They don't dive. | ||
| You know, they eat things that are like on the surface. | ||
| They don't go down and eat the muck. | ||
| But I've had Diver Duck that was really well prepared by a chef. | ||
| This guy owns Dai Due in town. | ||
| It's an amazing restaurant. | ||
| And he cooked it fantastic. | ||
| It was awesome. | ||
| And this is the ones who eat all the bad shit, but it still tastes good? | ||
| Yeah, you could still do it right. | ||
| It's just an involved process. | ||
| He brined them and did a bunch of different things and marinated them, but ultimately you can't eat them. | ||
| But I think a regular duck, the kind that are sitting on the pond, you could snatch one of those up. | ||
| I bet it would be just like a regular duck that you would shoot out of the sky. | ||
| It's just a duck. | ||
| Well, fellas, we know what we're doing after this. | ||
| I mean, if you came from a country where there's no food, and all of a sudden they flew you into Ohio, I'm like, why are we all here? | ||
| And no one tells you not to eat the ducks. | ||
| There's just ducks there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
None of that. | |
| Maybe you don't even speak English. | ||
| So there's all these signs saying, don't kill the ducks. | ||
| And you say, oh, look, ducks. | ||
| Kill ducks. | ||
| Kill ducks. | ||
| Wouldn't you automatically grab a duck if you came from a place where there was no food? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| No, I'm not blaming the Haitians. | ||
| Pekin duck is the most popular duck to eat. | ||
| Pekin duck meat is known for its mild, satisfying flavor, easily adapts to a number of cuisines. | ||
| There's a lighter flesh and milder flavor. | ||
| Is it not Pekin? | ||
| This is a duck. | ||
| It says Pekin. | ||
| Peking is a type, but this is like domestic ducks. | ||
| That's what they're showing here. | ||
| So, like, if you buy duck in a restaurant, you're not really buying wild duck. | ||
| You're buying a domesticated duck. | ||
| But there's wild ducks that taste really good, and there's wild ducks that are a little funky. | ||
| And those are the ones that they call diver ducks. | ||
| Yeah, there's like fish. | ||
| I went fishing in Puerto Rico. | ||
| We went deep sea fishing. | ||
| And there's like certain fish that like they eat, or I guess the bigger the fish were, like they eat like all the algae and stuff off the reef. | ||
| And I guess if the fish was really big, you had to like throw it back because you can get like really sick. | ||
| I think it's the toxins from the fish they eat. | ||
| They eat stuff off the reef. | ||
| Oh, right. | ||
| You're right about that, actually. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| We caught some barracuda, and they're like, in this area, you can keep them, but if you catch them over there, you can't keep them. | ||
| You can't eat them. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| And especially with big game species, because there's ones that they just won't eat. | ||
| It's too risky. | ||
| It's pretty wacky. | ||
| We went fishing on a perch tour this summer, and they caught a fish. | ||
| I thought he was going to gut the fish right there on the boat, but what he was doing was when you pull them up very fast, they get the bends. | ||
| So it looks so violent, but they're actually saving the fish. | ||
| They're going to throw them back, and they just... | ||
| Stab them almost underneath the thing and it just lets the air out and they're able to lose. | ||
| Fish get the bends? | ||
| No. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| The pressure that their body has to be under when they're like 500 feet underwater is insane. | ||
| And so when they go to the top, their organs come out through their mouth. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| It's all filled up so he just let the air out of a balloon and then the fish start moving again and he throw them back. | ||
| I cooked a lobster once and you're supposed to put the knife into the back of its head. | ||
| You're not supposed to just boil it, but I couldn't do it. | ||
| I was like, there's no way. | ||
| That's what it looks like. | ||
| The guy's eyeballs pop out and his tongue pops out. | ||
| I've seen that happen. | ||
| Looks kind of like Ari. | ||
| It's very bizarre. | ||
| A lot like Ari. | ||
| It looks like a wacky, like a card you'd get at Spencer's. | ||
| Isn't there a fish called a Jewfish? | ||
| There is, right? | ||
| That's gefilte fish. | ||
| But that's, uh, I mean, imagine what that does to your body, going from 500 feet down in the fucking ocean to pulling up to the top. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And it just pops out. | ||
| Yeah, that doesn't sound fun. | ||
| Why isn't that not the case? | ||
| That's probably exactly what would happen if you went to the moon and took your helmet off. | ||
| Well, we've never really gone. | ||
| That's what Total Recall said happens on Mars. | ||
| Jewfish. | ||
| There you go. | ||
| Overpopulation. | ||
| There we go. | ||
| Well, can you pull up the Hitlerfish, please? | ||
| It's a Goliath? | ||
| That's what it is? | ||
| Only one fish can get to the bottom of this problem. | ||
| Do they have a disproportionate control of the fish media? | ||
| I'm just wondering. | ||
| A Jewfish is a Goliath grouper? | ||
| When I popped it into Google, it says Atlantic Goliath grouper. | ||
| Whoa! | ||
| Let me see that, motherfucker. | ||
| Well, hello. | ||
| I'm here for your rent money. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| Look at that picture with the diver. | ||
| Give me your rent money. | ||
| Look at that picture with the diver. | ||
| That's fucking insane. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| That's like a largemouth bass that could eat a person. | ||
| If I saw that, I would think that I was about to be murdered. | ||
| I would not be comfortable with that thing being right next to me. | ||
| That's a giant predator. | ||
| I would think that I shrunk. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Am I inside of a small fish tank? | |
| Bro, if you were a little kid, if you were a four-year-old kid and you went diving, free diving near that, there's a real likelihood that thing swallows you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
800 pounds. | |
| 800 pounds. | ||
| Oh yeah, do you fish eat your baby? | ||
| Let's spread that rumor. | ||
| You ever seen largemouth bass take out a duckling? | ||
| No, but I want to now. | ||
| They take them out. | ||
| They take out birds. | ||
| There's a guy that was developing a lure. | ||
| There's a giant pike called a muskie. | ||
| They're notoriously hard to catch, and they're enormous, like real ancient fish. | ||
| It looks like a monster. | ||
| And they're hard to catch. | ||
| They call them like the fish of 10,000 casts. | ||
| And so this guy developed a lure for them that's a duck. | ||
| It's a little ducky moving across the water. | ||
| It's very effective because this muskie is like the fuck-up ducks. | ||
| They're huge, dude. | ||
| They're like this big. | ||
| Have you ever seen one? | ||
| No, I don't think so. | ||
| Pull up a photo. | ||
| It's like they've got one right here. | ||
| Oh, there it is. | ||
| No, that's a largemouth bass. | ||
| But Google muskie. | ||
| Just Google giant muskie. | ||
| That's them. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Look at that thing. | ||
| Fucking things are crazy. | ||
| And they're super predators. | ||
| They take out ducks and all kinds of things. | ||
| And if you want to catch them, you have to have a big ass lure. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Look at the size of their fucking mouth. | ||
| It's just covered in teeth like a barracuda. | ||
| Is there a video of one of these things, like, eating a duck? | ||
| Oh, yeah, for sure. | ||
| If you have the catch, you have to dress like Antifa? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, you're freezing your dick off. | ||
| Those guys are cold as fuck. | ||
| Jews won't replace us! | ||
| Can you hit it with a bike lock? | ||
| You gotta catch those motherfuckers in some cold-ass water, just like Northern Pike. | ||
| Jew fish will not replace us. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| Giant muskie eats a duck. | ||
| Here it goes. | ||
| What an asshole, you dick. | ||
| Fake this out, cocksucker. | ||
| Oh, I thought that was it. | ||
| That was solid, though. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Muskie! | |
| It was a solid bit. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Muskie eats duck. | ||
| Gotta sit through a gnat. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Is this a duck lure? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Unless he's got a duck with a hook through it, that monster. | ||
| Isn't that fucked up? | ||
| Like, you hate mice, you kill mice with a mousetrap, but if you went fishing with a mice and a hook, people would... | ||
| Oh, you piece of shit. | ||
| What is wrong with you? | ||
| Well, you do live bait, right? | ||
| You put it right through their eyes? | ||
| Right, but if you did that to a mouse, everybody would get very upset with you. | ||
| Not me. | ||
| You piece of shit. | ||
| Isn't that crazy? | ||
| Like, you kill them with a spring. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whack! | |
| And everybody's like, oh yeah, mousetrap? | ||
| Good job. | ||
| And it's not like that's a humane way to kill them. | ||
| You can torture a mouse for a while. | ||
| You kill them with a glue trap. | ||
| I got lost on a YouTube journey once with a guy who made homemade mousetraps, and he would create little systems to drown mice and rats in buckets. | ||
| It was great. | ||
| Oh yeah, they get sent to a bucket. | ||
| Was that it? | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| That was a little bit crazy. | ||
| That's New York, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| His system of mice and rats and it just catches them and puts them in the buckets to drown. | ||
| And then at the end of the month he just has like a buckets of mice and it's so crazy. | ||
| You guys see that Netflix documentary, Rats? | ||
| No. | ||
| It's all about rats in New York City, rats all over the country, rats all over the world. | ||
| It's fucking horrible. | ||
| I think the biomass of rats in New York City is equal or greater to the biomass of human beings. | ||
| There are so many rats in New York City, dude. | ||
| Do you know how nuts that is? | ||
| Think about how many people are walking on the street and think about the idea that the number of rats is greater. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Do you know that rats eat cockroaches and cockroaches eat rat shit? | |
| Do you know how horrible the entire underneath New York City is? | ||
| This is a bullshit estimate. | ||
| This is an estimate that there are approximately 3 million rats in New York City, which is close to a third of the city's human population. | ||
| It's a 50% increase from a decade ago. | ||
| This is the AI overview. | ||
| Although we do have a rat czar now, so maybe she's doing her shit. | ||
| I think the documentary was saying that there... | ||
| Here it is right here. | ||
| There are 8.2 million humans, average mass of 70 kilograms, about 2 million rats. | ||
| That is not true. | ||
| Who knows how many? | ||
| One said there's 2 million, one said there's 3 million. | ||
| What's going to be not safe for work? | ||
| A girl saying it with her pussy? | ||
| It got deleted? | ||
| Oh. | ||
| There's no good measurement of how many rats there are. | ||
| Yeah, there's not like a guy going down there who's like, everybody hold still, 14, 15, how would you possibly know? | ||
| You cannot. | ||
| They're just justifying their job, just like the people in the Homeless Commission. | ||
| There's no fucking way you can tell me how many rats there are in New York City. | ||
| No, there's no fucking one. | ||
| I parked my car once. | ||
| It was back in the day when you had to use cell phones, or pay phones, rather. | ||
| And I was pumping gas. | ||
| It was in the Bronx. | ||
| And I went over to this pay phone, and I'm on the pay phone, and I'm watching rats jump onto the wheel of my car, jump into the engine bay, jump all around it. | ||
| They were coming out of the sewer and jumping on the car. | ||
| I was two minutes on the phone going, what the fuck? | ||
| I didn't realize until I lived in the city what a problem that is. | ||
| Rats will go inside you. | ||
| If you leave your car, like, sitting for days at a time, rats will get inside and, like, chew, like, wires and fucking, like, fuck your car. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| So it says for over a hundred years nearly everyone has believed New York is about eight million rats. | ||
| A ratio of one human to one rat. | ||
| The theory began in the 1900s when author and rat expert W.R. Boulter hypothesized that in England there was a ratio of one human to one rat. | ||
| However, Auerbach points out that the hypothesis was erroneously applied to New York City and is widely quoted to this day. | ||
| Any expert has debunked. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| I lost a lot of faith in experts over the last few years. | ||
| I'd like to see some fucking data. | ||
| You know, it's actually 36 humans to one rat. | ||
| I don't know about that. | ||
| I don't think you know that. | ||
| I don't think you know. | ||
| I mean, under the grounds, like, how do you possibly know? | ||
| The entire subway systems are full of fucking rats. | ||
| Didn't it say, after that, Jamie, someone said it's one-to-one? | ||
| What did it say? | ||
| It said in 1950, the New York City Health Department went back to one-to-one. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| That's probably more accurate. | ||
| And it's probably even worse now. | ||
| There's no fucking way you know. | ||
| The whole, the tunnels, it's all filled. | ||
| Rats are everywhere. | ||
| In the city, and we all lived in the city for years and years, but Jay still does, but every now and then, there'll just be a block where there's construction or something like that, like there's something open in the ground, and sometimes you just have to walk through it, and you just have to stomp your way through it because there's just rats everywhere. | ||
| It's the fucking worst, dude. | ||
| It feels like your skin is like, oh, dude, it's awful. | ||
| I've never seen it with rats before, but I found out what it was after, but... | ||
| Talking about a first-time New York thing happening was, uh, I was just outside smoking a cigarette on my stoop when I was in the East Village, and all of a sudden I was like, hmm, that's weird. | ||
| Three roaches walking by in the daylight for like, that's kind of weird. | ||
| You don't see that a lot. | ||
| Just like, you know, it's like three different times, three different roaches. | ||
| I'm like, that's pretty strange. | ||
| And then several more, and then I'm telling you, uh, and I'm telling you, within five minutes, Falling off the buildings. | ||
| Our superintendent came out and he was like, what's going on? | ||
| And then we saw him landing on his shoulder. | ||
| He was freaking out. | ||
| And then we went inside, came out a couple hours later, and there was thousands of them dead on the street. | ||
| And I go, what happened? | ||
| He goes, oh, that's what they do in New York. | ||
| Whenever they bomb a building for... | ||
| Like roaches, it just shoots them to other buildings. | ||
| So that's what it was. | ||
| He goes, oh, one building, they're probably trying to sell a building, so they bombed it for roaches, and it just sends tens of thousands of them out onto the streets. | ||
| Probably millions. | ||
| I mean, when I was saying you couldn't take a step and not be stepping on the carcasses of 50 of them, but they just... | ||
| Were they like the water bugs, the big ones? | ||
| That's the ones Jay's talking about. | ||
| They're the most disgusting creature in the world, those water bugs in New York City. | ||
| That's what we used to call them growing up. | ||
| Oh, ew, it's crawling, and then all of a sudden it just takes flight and comes at you. | ||
| And it's like one month a year that they actually fly, but when they do, man, they just become the grossest thing. | ||
| If you want to live in a big city, that's just part of the program. | ||
| Can't get rid of them. | ||
| Can't get rid of the rats either. | ||
| It's not like anyone's incompetent. | ||
| It's too deep. | ||
| You would have to move out. | ||
| It's our job to go. | ||
| Let the rats have it. | ||
| Yeah, you'd have to move out and then nuke it from space. | ||
| I live out in the country now, and there's all types of animals that I don't love that are around, but nothing's gross like that. | ||
| Like, it's like, there's like a bobcat that we've caught on our camera a few times. | ||
| I'm like, I don't really want that thing around. | ||
| They're kind of cool, though. | ||
| Yeah, it's cool. | ||
| It's not, like, disgusting. | ||
| There's some gross animals. | ||
| I live a little closer to the city in Jersey. | ||
| I get some gross animals, too. | ||
| We have those... | ||
| Yeah, you're one of them. | ||
| Yeah, Puerto Regans, you know. | ||
| What are the things that was, like, a big problem in New York last summer? | ||
| Black Lives Matter riots. | ||
| The bugs? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, they're still there. | ||
| Lanternflies. | ||
| They're back this year. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Lanternflies. | |
| Oh, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Lanternflies. | ||
| What are those? | ||
| Invasive. | ||
| So it came over in a... | ||
| So in 2020, in the summer of 2020... | ||
| Illegal immigrant flies. | ||
| They're being funded by the UN. I'll tell you that much. | ||
| They were brought over. | ||
| They were doing work on the High Line. | ||
| But I know they said, in the summer of 2020, we started seeing these little bugs we had never seen before, and they said, you're supposed to kill it. | ||
| They're almost kind of pretty when you see them. | ||
| They said you're supposed to kill it if you see it. | ||
| And immediately we were like, I don't work for you, government. | ||
| I'm not going around killing your bugs. | ||
| And then by the next summer, there was like ten times as many. | ||
| And the next summer, there were like ten times as many. | ||
| They would land on you. | ||
| They look like moths with like a red underbelly or something. | ||
| Kind of. | ||
| Yeah, they're like a little red. | ||
| They're almost kind of pretty looking until there's a bunch of them and they kind of fly on you. | ||
| At first when I saw them, I thought they were like beautiful little butterflies. | ||
| And I was like, oh, they're nice. | ||
| And then I heard that they were a problem. | ||
| And then they skeeved me out like roaches immediately. | ||
| They fuck up plants. | ||
| But they came over. | ||
| The High Line in New York was doing something. | ||
| They brought in plants from China. | ||
| And they came in years ago. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Is that why? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| So they came in through the docks and these plants from China. | ||
| And now it's just, they are there. | ||
| And it's crazy. | ||
| It's about a month, month and a half. | ||
| They are a, like, the roof of my building- You can probably pull that up, Jamie, like New York City lanternflies? | ||
| You can't go on the roof of my building, like, there's, same thing, like, tens of thousands of them all over there. | ||
| There was a lady up there one time, I walked up there, covered in them like fucking Candyman. | ||
| Jesus Christ! | ||
| They were coming out of her mouth? | ||
| It was crazy, she was accepting it, I was like, oh, God! | ||
| She was accepting it? | ||
| But they're evolving, too, in the fact that the first year that I was aware of them, the first year I was aware of them, you could step on them, and they didn't really do much. | ||
| Now they fly and they run around. | ||
| They'll be in doorways all over the place. | ||
| If you have no screen on your window, if you open a window, there will be a hundred of them in a room. | ||
| Oh my god, that's so disgusting. | ||
| It was only like this for like two weeks last summer, but there were two weeks where my yard was unusable. | ||
| You just could not go out. | ||
| It's about a month. | ||
| One of the ones that come up every however many years, they come up out of the ground. | ||
| Locusts. | ||
| Cicadas. | ||
| That's in Jersey as well. | ||
| Cicadas are cool, though. | ||
| They make cool sounds. | ||
| They make really cool sounds, except you find they're like carcasses, like the hollowed out carcasses of their bodies all over the place. | ||
| But they're not trying to run through your bathroom. | ||
| No. | ||
| No, and these things are... | ||
| What did that lady say? | ||
| They're killing all plants and stuff, too. | ||
| So it's really bad, but they're like... | ||
| If you read one article, it's like, here's New York's five-year plan to get rid of the lanternflies, and the next article's like, no, they're just here. | ||
| Like, this is gonna be a month every year. | ||
| And they came from where? | ||
| China. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| China got us twice. | ||
| And they land on you. | ||
| They're not afraid. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| Two strikes, China. | ||
| Don't you try this shit again. | ||
| They're not afraid of you either. | ||
| Do they land right on your face, on your head, on your body? | ||
| Oh, great. | ||
| Did they come over in some sort of a cargo ship or something? | ||
| Yeah, I think... | ||
| It was in plants that they were bringing. | ||
| I'm pretty sure Fauci made them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| They're pretty cool looking. | ||
| Maybe they can vaccinate us that way. | ||
| Genetically engineer mosquitoes to run around vaccinating people. | ||
| They would do this thing. | ||
| In my old place, we used to like, we'd have like, there's like a sliding glass door, and we'd have just like the screen open. | ||
| And it was like, in the weeks where it was bad, every 10 minutes you'd look over there, and there's like four of them on there. | ||
| And then you'd hit the screen, and they kind of fly off, but then they just fly right back. | ||
| And if you like left the room and came back, you'd come back and there's 50 of them. | ||
| It's just gross. | ||
| Yeah, it's not fun. | ||
| I'm a real chick when it comes to bugs and creepy things. | ||
| You're normal. | ||
| People who like bugs are weird. | ||
| They are weird. | ||
| People keep bugs in their house. | ||
| Like, look, it's a tarantula. | ||
| I'm gonna feed it a mouse. | ||
| You're a fucking psychopath. | ||
| What the fuck is wrong with you? | ||
| Anything icky is not my thing. | ||
| So I went home with a girl years ago from a diner. | ||
| Turns out she was a tarantula. | ||
| She was a tarantula. | ||
| No, it was weird pets and the final straw where I left. | ||
| We didn't hook up because when she was like, oh, you got to let my albino rat crawl on you. | ||
| And I was like, I'm just going to go. | ||
| This is not worth it. | ||
| I had a buddy who hooked up with this girl and she had a crocodile monitor. | ||
| She had a crocodile monitor in her house. | ||
| It's a pet. | ||
| You can keep it as a pet. | ||
| Wait, what is it? | ||
| It's a crocodile monitor. | ||
| It's the creepiest looking lizard that you could buy from an exotic pet store. | ||
| You could buy them. | ||
| You could have that. | ||
| This girl apparently had that. | ||
| He was like, yo, red flag. | ||
| Yeah, the girl lost my opportunity to have an iguana that I hated. | ||
| This lady thought she was on Games of Thrones. | ||
| She had her own dragon. | ||
| You said you watched that chimp crazy thing. | ||
| It's lonely old women who can throw heartfelt emotion into anything in the world. | ||
| Yeah, women are caregivers. | ||
| A lot of women are at least. | ||
| They get chimps? | ||
| They wanted to keep these chimps and raise them. | ||
| This lady, this fucking chimp, attacked her friend, tore her face off. | ||
| Oh, is that the 911 call? | ||
| Yeah, one of them. | ||
| The documentary's not about that lady, but they talk about that situation. | ||
| Oh my god, that one is horrifying. | ||
| The point is, that lady got a chimp after that. | ||
| Another one. | ||
| She missed having her chimp. | ||
| They're cool. | ||
| It got murdered. | ||
| I went to the Doc Annals place down in Myrtle Beach with my son. | ||
| It was in the Tiger King documentary. | ||
| But they didn't just have tigers. | ||
| They had the baby tigers, which was awesome. | ||
| But they had chimps that came out. | ||
| It was a really, really cool experience. | ||
| Hutus. | ||
| They had some Hutus. | ||
| Super educational. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, it was definitely they were torturing these animals, but it was definitely worth the $500 I spent to get in. | ||
| Nice. | ||
| They castrate those chimps, too. | ||
| Most of them. | ||
| That one in Connecticut, though, they didn't. | ||
| The mind-blowing thing was that... | ||
| Is that part of why he, like... | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, they're way more aggressive. | ||
| They're not castrate. | ||
| I had the guys on. | ||
| The guys who made the documentary. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Or the show. | ||
| He, uh, that chimp crazy thing, it's... | ||
| I was blown away, actually, by how much stuff... | ||
| I mean, like, she made them weirdly self-sufficient on something. | ||
| When she throw them... | ||
| I got McNuggets. | ||
| It wasn't he open the McNuggets then they throw him she goes oh and here's your sauce like a sweet like a sweet and sour sauce and the monkey knows how to go like like rip the lid off and like dink. | ||
| It's pretty wacky. | ||
| They weren't dipping it though. | ||
| I kept asking them like did they dip? | ||
| Like why didn't you show that they dipped? | ||
| Like, they just drank that stuff. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Because there's a weird line there. | ||
| It's like, if they dip, you're almost like, maybe they deserve rights. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Like, if you go, I'm not going to have a dry nugget. | ||
| Crack sodas and drink them. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| They don't just, like, bite the top off of a soda thing. | ||
| They listen to things, too. | ||
| She could say, grab that paper, and he'll grab the paper and give it back to her. | ||
| Give her the garbage when she give them McNuggets and shit. | ||
| But she has to keep them in a cage. | ||
| Because he's a male. | ||
| He's a grown male. | ||
| And they'll just go crazy and just rip your face off. | ||
| And there's nothing you can do about it. | ||
| They were giving them Kool-Aid at Doc Antle's place. | ||
| They were chugging the Kool-Aid, these chimps. | ||
| They were fucking... | ||
| They loved it. | ||
| And they were really scared, dude. | ||
| They came down and they were like... | ||
| You weren't at all, but I just thought you were about to make a really racist joke. | ||
| No, no. | ||
| I'm being real. | ||
| I'm 100%. | ||
| They love Kool-Aid. | ||
| You're like, easy, Lewis. | ||
| Come on, man. | ||
| No, but like they came down and they were just so like kind of like walking around us. | ||
| They were full so they were like six feet tall. | ||
| It was fucking dude. | ||
| That's terrifying. | ||
| Yeah, they were full-grown chimps. | ||
| They were full-grown chimps and they they just felt at any moment that they could just lose their shit and just take over. | ||
| If they just wanted to at any moment they could just attack you then that's what you ever see that one where the guy was like with his bear. | ||
| He had a trained bear. | ||
| You had this guy stand still the guys just stand still the bear just decides to rip his neck off just out of nowhere I know I'm thinking of the what was that Joke about it was a bad day. | ||
| Yeah, but that's a different one. | ||
| That's a different one That's a different one. | ||
| This is different. | ||
| This is a guy who's just standing there, and it's a bear that was in a bunch of movies. | ||
| It was a bear that was like a trained bear, and this bear out of nowhere just decides to rip this guy's throat apart. | ||
| What kind of bear? | ||
| A grizzly. | ||
| Okay, those are the... | ||
| Because what do I got in Jersey by me? | ||
| It's the Black Bears. | ||
| Black Bears. | ||
| They still kill people. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| They also look good. | ||
| They killed a kid at Rutgers. | ||
| It is so funny. | ||
| When someone has to scream, though, like the name they give, like chimpanzees and stuff, like, Mr. Mittens! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Please, God, stop it! | |
| He's biting her fingers off. | ||
| It's a funny thing because especially little kids, all of their stories and shows, it's all nature personified and things like that. | ||
| I remember my daughter when she was three asking me why bugs are running away from her. | ||
| She's like, why is the spider running away or whatever it is? | ||
| Because you're white, honey. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's like, well, you know, he thinks you're gonna kill it because you might actually kill it. | ||
| But then you almost... | ||
| Bears, especially the young ones, look so fucking cute. | ||
| You just look at them and you're like, oh my god. | ||
| If you see a bear cub, you're dead already. | ||
| Tiger cubs look cute. | ||
| It's nature's dirty trick. | ||
| It is the awful thing of it. | ||
| That's the problem with, like, they said about, like, having chimpanzees as pets is, like, for a while, it's totally fine. | ||
| And then one day, it's just not. | ||
| And that one that ripped the lady's face off, did you see, like, that video? | ||
| They show a video of, like... | ||
| They should have known this was going to happen because a kid one time picked up a shoe off the floor that the monkey wanted, and then he goes over and he's coming after him. | ||
| It looks a little aggressive, but he's not that big, so it doesn't look that scary. | ||
| But then when he just makes a move to grab at the shirt and whatever, and you see the kid almost falls over, and he's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! | ||
| And they have to all kind of... | ||
| Jump in front of the monkey, like, over something he's unaware. | ||
| The guy doesn't even know what he did wrong. | ||
| He just grabbed the shoe off the floor, and the monkey wanted that shoe and didn't know how to tell him. | ||
| And he just decided to beat the fuck out of the little kid. | ||
| And it doesn't seem to be anything wrong with it. | ||
| Right? | ||
| That's what they do. | ||
| Yeah, they bite your fingers off. | ||
| Yeah, they tear your genitals off so you can't procreate anymore. | ||
| They'll bite your feet off. | ||
| Yeah, really. | ||
| Crazy shit. | ||
| Don't keep them as pets. | ||
| You know what they don't do? | ||
| They don't kill people. | ||
| Isn't that crazy? | ||
| They just maim you. | ||
| Just rip you apart. | ||
| That's what's really nuts. | ||
| They don't? | ||
| They won't kill you, though? | ||
| They don't kill people. | ||
| There's very few instances of chimpanzees killing people. | ||
| These guys are saying they kill people as far as little kids get snatched up in Africa. | ||
| If you're a child, like a baby, and you're near aggressive, hungry chimpanzees, and you leave the kid alone, they'll steal your kid. | ||
| That's wild. | ||
| There's been instances of them stealing kids. | ||
| Well, they eat monkeys all the time. | ||
| That I've seen videos of, which is insane. | ||
| I think I saw you playing it on the show. | ||
| Chimps eating monkeys. | ||
| Chimps eating monkeys is like dark. | ||
| The way they do it. | ||
| They didn't know they did it until Attenborough went into the woods. | ||
| And he started filming. | ||
| And then he got this footage of these chimps setting up an ambush on these monkeys. | ||
| And they rip them apart while they're alive. | ||
| Yeah, they torture them to death. | ||
| So he's like, got them alive and he's just eating them. | ||
| Fucking dick first. | ||
| Just pulling chunks of meat off of them. | ||
| And they're ripping arms off and handing it to their friends. | ||
| But it's just because we're so related to them, it's so much more gruesome. | ||
| But did I watch Nature is Metal? | ||
| It's a great follow on Instagram. | ||
| Did I watch a fucking lion eat a baby out of an antelope's stomach and just swallow it like a pill? | ||
| You're like, oh, that's awesome. | ||
| Horrible. | ||
| Komodo dragons are the scariest. | ||
| They just swallow everything whole. | ||
| Take a whole goat and just... | ||
| Fucking hooves. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, dude. | |
| All four legs are hanging out of the mouth still. | ||
| And no animals have, there's not a lot of emotion in the faces of those, especially lizards. | ||
| So they eat a whole goat and then they're just like, on the next thing. | ||
| No highs, no lows. | ||
| Especially when you see a bird. | ||
| Dude, you just ate a fucking goat! | ||
| Dude, watching a bird eat a mammal is just one of the weird... | ||
| It just doesn't look like it should happen. | ||
| So it'll just be like a bird or like... | ||
| It'll be like a seabird. | ||
| It'll be like a seagull and it'll pick up a squirrel and just... | ||
| Rats. | ||
| They kill rats all the time. | ||
| They eat them. | ||
| Swallow them whole. | ||
| There's crazy videos of seagulls swallowing rats whole. | ||
| Alright, we gotta bring the seagulls into Manhattan. | ||
| We'll figure out the seagull problem next. | ||
| Seagulls are gonna eat your cat. | ||
| They're gonna eat everything. | ||
| Once they run out of rats, but they won't. | ||
| But that's one of the reasons why the Hollywood Hills aren't filled with rats. | ||
| It's because of coyotes. | ||
| Right. | ||
| The more coyotes there are, the less rats. | ||
| We, one time in, I think actually it was the last time that we all did your show together. | ||
| The three of us did it. | ||
| And it was back when you were in LA, and I was staying in some Airbnb out in the hills. | ||
| And me and my wife heard, we were literally sleeping at night, and we heard, I believe, coyotes attacking a dog. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| And it was like the saddest thing to hear. | ||
| Because you hear them like come up and then it's like 30 seconds of a dog like... | ||
| And my wife loves dogs. | ||
| She was like crying. | ||
| And she's like, we have to do something. | ||
| And I was like, we will be doing nothing but letting this happen. | ||
| You can't do it. | ||
| It's already too late. | ||
| Yeah, it's pitch black outside. | ||
| I was going to go out there with a lantern. | ||
| Pussy. | ||
| What a pussy. | ||
| They usually don't kill people. | ||
| The last time a coyote killed a person on record was a Canadian folk singer. | ||
| She lived in a part of Canada where the coyotes had started eating moose. | ||
| Because they were running out of things to eat, and they realized that if they bite on moose's legs, especially young mooses, they could take them out, and then they could eat them and kill them. | ||
| So they were accustomed to going after things larger than them. | ||
| So they started to learn. | ||
| And they killed this lady. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And we know female folk singers. | ||
| They are big. | ||
| I don't know if she was big. | ||
| I don't think she was, in fact. | ||
| I think she was pretty small. | ||
| It might have been an honest mistake. | ||
| They thought it was a moose. | ||
| We're used to this. | ||
| And that's how much folk music sucks. | ||
| Or they don't give a fuck about you. | ||
| That's more likely. | ||
| You live in a place where there's actual bears. | ||
| New Jersey's so bad that the mayor ran on a platform of having bears, the bear hunting be removed. | ||
| And then once he was in office, he was like, fuck that, start hunting them again. | ||
| Because there's so many human bear interact. | ||
| New Jersey has more bears per capita than anywhere in the lower 48. Really? | ||
| Yeah, New Jersey. | ||
| New Jersey's got a lot of bears, yeah. | ||
| We've got a lot of crazy wildlife. | ||
| A lot of mountains, that's why. | ||
| People forget about the Ramapo Mountains. | ||
| It gets rural as shit. | ||
| Rural as shit, man. | ||
| Jersey's called the Garden State, but everyone, when they think of Jersey, they think of Newark and Camden. | ||
| Or Jersey Shore became so big that when you say Jersey now, you're imagining the dyed hair and the fucking fist bumping guys. | ||
| But most of New Jersey is not anything like that. | ||
| It's just... | ||
| Mountains and woods. | ||
| A lot of mountain people. | ||
| Yeah, there's like rednecks in New Jersey. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Have you ever seen the movie Out of the Furnace? | ||
| It explores that whole thing. | ||
| It was Christian Bale, Casey Affleck, Willem Dafoe. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| And Woody Harrelson played the character of those mountain people, just meth trade, cousin fucking. | ||
| It's really like they make it a weird place. | ||
| Was that in Pennsylvania or in Jersey? | ||
| No, it's Jersey. | ||
| It's actually... | ||
| On the border of Maramapo Mountains, I think, yeah. | ||
| Jim Miller, a UFC fighter, lives in New Jersey in the woods. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| He lives in Sparta, New Jersey. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| Sparta. | ||
| Everybody thinks Smog Stacks. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They think it's the smell. | ||
| Well, it's the same way people think of Pennsylvania. | ||
| They think of Philly and Pittsburgh and shit. | ||
| But most of Pennsylvania, they're not producing Jay Oakerson's out there. | ||
| They're making like... | ||
| It's you, but you just went in the lumberjack direction. | ||
| It's me with a dad that stuck around and really told me how the world worked. | ||
| That's where the world gets dark, right? | ||
| You get born into a spot where there's fucking no way out of here. | ||
| You get stuck in the coal mines of West Virginia and you're like, shit. | ||
| Like, how do I get out of here? | ||
| Because if you live in a big city, people are dreaming and shit. | ||
| If you're in the middle of nowhere, it's like... | ||
| Well, even if you're in the suburb of a big city, if you're in kind of nowhere, but there's a half-hour bus to a city where something's I remember talking to Jeff Dice, who's a really brilliant dude. | ||
| He was Ron Paul's chief of staff for years. | ||
| So where Ron Paul is, it's like two hours south of Houston. | ||
| Lake Jackson, I think, was the name of his district. | ||
| And he was telling me, he was like, dude, there's nothing here. | ||
| If you're a kid coming up here, it's like, I don't know, we got an Arby's. | ||
| And that's where so many of those kids joined the military. | ||
| Because that's like the only thing you could do. | ||
| Or Juggalo. | ||
| There's one other option, oft-overlooked option, become a juggalo. | ||
| Or join a cult. | ||
| Join a court. | ||
| You know, that's how you get someone into a cult. | ||
| It's the best option available. | ||
| You know, like, hey, can you guys travel? | ||
| Can I be a missionary? | ||
| I'm gonna go to Brazil. | ||
| Fuck it. | ||
| He doesn't stop. | ||
| I'm gonna go smoke a cigarette. | ||
| Let's wrap this up. | ||
| My eyes are gonna pop out. | ||
| We're like three and a half hours in. | ||
| Boys, it was a lot of fun. | ||
| Dude, you're the man, Joe. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Good times. | |
| Thank you. | ||
| I really believe what I said about Skankfest. | ||
| It's very important. | ||
| You guys are doing it. | ||
| It's very important. | ||
| I know it seems like fun. | ||
| It is fun, I'm sure. | ||
| Very fun. | ||
| You need things out there that are... | ||
| Genuinely open and free and pushing the boundaries of comedy. | ||
| And Skankfest is a great place for that. | ||
| So it's important. | ||
| I appreciate you guys. | ||
| Thank you so much. | ||
| And there's a live stream event. | ||
| Lewis, tell everybody about this. | ||
| You still get passes for Sunday, I believe. | ||
| There might be a handful of Fridays left, but we're live streaming it as well. | ||
| If you guys can't be there live in Las Vegas this weekend, September 27th or 29th, just go to skankfest.com. | ||
| There's a bunch of events you could actually watch live as we stream them. | ||
| And yeah, we're just pumped. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| Get your liver detox pills ready, you fucking animals. | ||
| Everyone's going to party like we've never done before. | ||
| Lifosomal glutathione. | ||
| Get that. | ||
| You're going to need that. | ||
| All right. | ||
| Gentlemen, I appreciate you. | ||
| Always fun. | ||
| Good times. | ||
| You're the man, Joe. | ||
| You're the man. |
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