May 7, 2024 - The Joe Rogan Experience
03:02:17
Participants
| 
| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
|
unidentified
|
Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out! | |
| The Joe Rogan Experience. | ||
| Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day! | ||
| Derek! | ||
| My brother! | ||
|
unidentified
|
My man! | |
| What's happening? | ||
| We've had a million conversations like this in the green room. | ||
| We've already done like a thousand podcasts. | ||
| This is my every night right here. | ||
| We need a fucking studio in that club. | ||
| We need to put a podcast studio in that club. | ||
| I've been thinking about it, but we don't have the space for it. | ||
| Yeah, where would it go? | ||
| It wouldn't go anywhere. | ||
| There's no place. | ||
| It's very efficient. | ||
| We have all the space. | ||
| I think what we need is an apartment. | ||
| We need an apartment close. | ||
| So we can just go right over. | ||
| Go right over. | ||
| Like an apartment that's just set up as a studio. | ||
| When you get in there, it's just all studio. | ||
| That would be nice, Joe. | ||
| Yeah, because there's so many apartments that are available in that area, right? | ||
| I just got one. | ||
| Yeah, Jamie just got one. | ||
| Let's go, Jamie! | ||
| Should get next door so I don't have a neighbor. | ||
| Oh, that's not a bad idea. | ||
| How far away are you from my club? | ||
| Two blocks. | ||
| Ooh, let's go. | ||
| Is the next door neighbor open? | ||
| I think they all are. | ||
| Oh, that'd be perfect. | ||
| It'd give you the keys. | ||
| Wait till you see my view. | ||
| Ooh, that's what I want. | ||
| I want a view like that because, like, how dope would that be? | ||
| Late night, all of us chilling, windows, see the city. | ||
| I was going to do that in downtown LA. Really? | ||
| Yeah, but then I went to downtown LA. I'm like, oh my god. | ||
| And I brought my family. | ||
| And I brought my daughters when they were young. | ||
| And I was like, oh my god, am I gonna have to kill somebody? | ||
| It was crazy. | ||
| This is pre-pandemic, man. | ||
| This is before the shit hit the fan. | ||
| I'm like, people were just pissing all over the place. | ||
| It smelled terrible. | ||
| There's some really good donut place that's in downtown LA. So we were like, let's... | ||
| Go get some donuts. | ||
| Let's get crazy. | ||
| Let's just go find. | ||
| So we wound up going to the one in Pasadena. | ||
| Or Glendale? | ||
| There's one somewhere else. | ||
| There's one somewhere else that's also like that. | ||
| Silver Lake? | ||
| It was a lot of hippies. | ||
| It was the total opposite. | ||
| I'm going to take hippies all day. | ||
| I'll take woke people with fucking green hair all day. | ||
| All day over I Am Legend? | ||
| Full on I Am Legend. | ||
| Full on I Am Legend. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| To go down there and get a donut, though, it's worth it. | ||
| LA donuts are the best. | ||
| It's not even fucking close. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| I think so. | ||
| Kind of like a New York bagel. | ||
| It's something about certain breads, I feel like, in certain places that hit different. | ||
| Bro, when Krispy Kreme's coming right out of the oven, it's hard to fuck with anything else. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nothing. | |
| Those glazed ones, the maple glazed, when they're coming right out. | ||
| Oh, Joe! | ||
| So good. | ||
| So good. | ||
| You fucked me up though. | ||
| I haven't had bread, Joe. | ||
| I haven't really had bread. | ||
| I mean maybe twice since we did the carnival. | ||
| Good. | ||
| Maybe twice. | ||
| Good. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You fucked it up. | |
| Every now and then it's okay. | ||
| Every now and then it's okay. | ||
| The real problem is when it becomes a part of your diet. | ||
| When it's a normal part of your diet. | ||
| When I eat a piece of pizza, my body's like, yo, what are you doing? | ||
| I'm like, relax. | ||
| We're having a drink. | ||
| Have a pizza. | ||
| Come on. | ||
| And then I don't eat for a while. | ||
| Let it clear out of my system. | ||
| Then I go back to eat and clean. | ||
| But if you have that as a normal part of your life, it's just like all these things compound, right? | ||
| You smoke too many blunts, that compounds. | ||
| You eat too much bad food, that compounds. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Jamie, what are you doing? | ||
| Did you post this? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh my god, look at that. | |
| That is just diabetes in food form. | ||
| It just makes me want to feel sick. | ||
| Like, I'll take that temporary mouth pleasure for hours of feeling like dog shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, Joe. | ||
| Oh, it feels so good. | ||
| Yeah, the bread thing. | ||
| Joe, this was the first time in my life I hadn't had Hot Cheetos every day. | ||
| Would you prefer Hot Cheetos over Takis? | ||
| Because I know a lot of people are very... | ||
| Love Takis. | ||
| I'm a... | ||
| That's the black in me, I think, because I'm a Hot Cheeto. | ||
| Mexicans love the Takis. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They love the Takis. | |
| You know, I really like them crunchy Cheetos, the little tinier ones, the more crunchy ones. | ||
| What are those called? | ||
| To me, those are the regulars, and then you got the puffs. | ||
| I'll fuck with a puff. | ||
| Oh, when I think of Cheetos, I always think of puffs. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| I think of the ones you're thinking of, the little ones that are like harder. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, I like those. | ||
| Yeah, I've had them every day of my life, Joe, until you said, hey, let's do the carnivore diet. | ||
| I'm fucking 33. That's ridiculous. | ||
| That's ridiculous. | ||
| You should be eating that. | ||
| You know Fritos, those little corn chips? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We used those to start a fire in Alaska when we were camping. | ||
| What? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| One of the dudes that works for my friend Steve Rinella told us that they're very flammable. | ||
| I'm like, really? | ||
| And so we used that to start a fire. | ||
| We were in Prince Edward's Island, which is Prince of Wales Island? | ||
| Which one? | ||
| Prince Edward's? | ||
| Which one's the one in Alaska? | ||
| Prince Edward's. | ||
| Prince of Wales, what is that? | ||
| I don't even know if that's a real place. | ||
| Prince Edward's, right? | ||
| Oh. | ||
| What's the one in Alaska? | ||
| What is the one that's in Alaska? | ||
| What was the other one he said? | ||
| It's not Prince Edward's Island? | ||
| No, that one's near Maine. | ||
| Really? | ||
| That's what the map said. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck! | |
| I can't remember the island. | ||
| Anyway, um, the island in Alaska, well, Google, because it's one of the most rainy places on Earth. | ||
| Brian Cowan and I did a TV show from there with, uh, with, with Meteor, but it rained for seven, eight days, whatever the fuck we're there for. | ||
| It rained every day. | ||
| All day. | ||
| What's that? | ||
| Prince of Wales. | ||
| Okay, it's Prince of Wales. | ||
| It rained every day. | ||
| And one day, it didn't rain for like 10 hours. | ||
| And we're like, dude, we're gonna start a fucking fire. | ||
| We're gonna figure out how to start a fire. | ||
| And so we got like sticks and shit like that's under everything else. | ||
| So everything got rained on. | ||
| Oh, is there a video of it? | ||
| Not you guys, but somebody else doing it. | ||
| Yeah, because we didn't film us doing this. | ||
| But Fritos are so covered in life-stealing oil that they act like a fire starter, man. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| They're great fire starters. | ||
| Like, if you want a barbecue, and you know, you don't want to go buy... | ||
| You ever seen those things, tumbleweeds? | ||
| You know what a tumbleweed is? | ||
| No, sir. | ||
| Tumbleweeds are these little, it's like little shaved pieces of wood that's like bundled up together and they must be soaked in some kind of flammable liquid. | ||
| But if you want to start like a grill, you put one of those bitches down and then you put some sticks around that and light that little tumbleweed and woo, you're good to go. | ||
| And then you start stacking logs. | ||
| Yeah, but you can use Fritos instead. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's my point. | |
| You don't need those tumbleweeds. | ||
| It probably won't be as flammable, but that shit can't be good. | ||
| And I'm eating that shit? | ||
| Fritos are delicious. | ||
| They're fucking great. | ||
| Put a little chili on them. | ||
| Come on, fuck the chili powder with them. | ||
| What are those chilis where people add Fritos? | ||
| They add Fritos to the chili. | ||
| People do that all the time. | ||
| Yeah, I like that. | ||
| I like the crunch. | ||
| A little crunch is good. | ||
| Full experience, right? | ||
| The tangy, the spicy, a little cheese in there. | ||
| Yo, how the fuck are you not fat, dog? | ||
| You got it in you. | ||
| You're supposed to be fat as shit. | ||
| Bro, it's just discipline. | ||
| I get fat. | ||
| I'm pretty lean right now. | ||
| Now I'm under 200, which is rare. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| I'm like 197, which is nice. | ||
| But I've just been real clean on the diet the last few weeks. | ||
| The last few weeks, I started getting a little fat. | ||
| I start feeling a little bit of this, and I start paranoid. | ||
| My gut starts sticking out. | ||
| I would get it straight to the gut. | ||
| Because I have pretty thick abs, too. | ||
| So any fat that goes on top of this shit right here, it gets gross. | ||
| And it pokes out right here, and it just starts looking gross. | ||
| I just see weakness. | ||
| When I see myself in the mirror, I'm like, you weak bitch. | ||
| You weak bitch. | ||
| You can't stop eating spaghetti. | ||
| I eat so much food, bro. | ||
| I eat so much food. | ||
| It's crazy how much I eat. | ||
| I'm a glutton, like a real glutton. | ||
| Man, I've seen you put it down, brother. | ||
| Bro, I'll eat two pizzas. | ||
| I'll eat two pizzas. | ||
| I'll eat that whole pizza. | ||
| There's another one right there. | ||
| It's warm. | ||
| Is it warm? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'll just go right in on that pizza. | ||
| I'm not hungry. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm not hungry. | |
| It's just gluttony. | ||
| I've seen you take down so many Golden Tiger burgers, dog, when you get going. | ||
| Bro, that one time we went out, I ate four of them. | ||
| I ate four double cheeseburgers. | ||
| Gordon Ryan was freaking out. | ||
| Gordon Ryan was with us. | ||
| He's like, how the fuck are you eating? | ||
| I'm like, dude, when I get going, when I get going, the wolf comes out. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| The wolf just went... | ||
| The wolves just want to keep eating. | ||
| I gotta keep that motherfucker in his cage. | ||
| Yeah, you can go, bro. | ||
| That's my favorite, Joe. | ||
| When Joe starts drinking in the green room. | ||
| When Joe starts drinking in the green room. | ||
| Oh, you get going, baby. | ||
| We start talking shit. | ||
| Oh, it's the best. | ||
| You start dancing? | ||
| Oh, bro, it's over. | ||
| Who has more fun than us? | ||
| Who has more fun than us? | ||
| Nobody, bro. | ||
| Oh, come on. | ||
| We're in there dancing. | ||
| We're dancing like all the time. | ||
| No self-consciousness. | ||
| Everybody's just having a good time. | ||
| Oh, it's my favorite. | ||
| God, it's the best place in the world. | ||
| Oh, the music's going. | ||
| Oh, the tunes are going. | ||
| And everybody's going up. | ||
| And you're coming in from a set and everybody's already dancing and shitting on Brian for saying something crazy. | ||
| And Tony's just roasting him. | ||
| And you're dying. | ||
| And you're like, this is the best night of my life, bro. | ||
| I love when Brian comes off stage and he walks in the room and he goes, whoo! | ||
| Because you know we just laid it down. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Woo! | |
| Bro, when he was doing that WAP bit, when he really tightened up that bit, when it was just a... | ||
| That bit was just assassination. | ||
| That bit was one of those bits where I would go out there and just sit and watch it. | ||
| I watched it like, shit, watched that bit 50 times. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I just wanted to see that bit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I would ask him, are you going to close with WAP? Are you going to close with WAP? He wouldn't even always close with it. | |
| I wouldn't. | ||
| He goes, ah, the bit's like 11 minutes long. | ||
| I'm like, please. | ||
| Please, just do it for me. | ||
| It would be his whole set. | ||
| It would be his whole set. | ||
| But it murders. | ||
| It murders so hard. | ||
| And it's so good. | ||
| It's like, that's such a quintessential Brian Simpson bit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because it's clever. | ||
| It's ridiculous. | ||
| It's historical. | ||
| He talks about him. | ||
| It gives you real facts. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's so smart and it's about what? | ||
| And it's full circle. | ||
| It's about pussy. | ||
| Yeah, there's science involved. | ||
| He explains how you multiply shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, like, oh my god, it's genius. | ||
| Yeah, it's such a good bit. | ||
| There's certain bits where you hear the bit and you go, god damn, that's a good bit. | ||
| Like Shane Gillis' Navy SEAL bit. | ||
| God damn, that's a good bit. | ||
| You know my favorite of his bits though, I think, is the George Washington bit. | ||
| For that very reason. | ||
| Yeah, the teeth, bro. | ||
| Well, it's also because it's interesting, and it's hilarious, and you know that's a bit that took some time. | ||
| That's not a bit that the first time you do it on stage, you get that product. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Tony has a few jokes that the very first time he does them on stage, they murder, and it's done. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The bit's done. | ||
| But Shane's bit about George Washington, that's a long bit, man. | ||
| That bit is complex. | ||
| There's a lot of twists and turns. | ||
| Yeah, bro. | ||
| Just the angles he takes. | ||
| It's so cool. | ||
| It's so cool. | ||
| With Brian Joe, I started with Brian. | ||
| He was that. | ||
| What you're seeing now, he was that. | ||
| Really? | ||
| I met him, Joe, and he was that, bro. | ||
| It was the coolest thing to be around that guy. | ||
| Because I think he's just the greatest, one of the greatest minds ever. | ||
| And I'm lucky to be one of his best friends. | ||
| That's how I feel. | ||
| He's very humble, too. | ||
| Very, very humble. | ||
| You know? | ||
| I mean, until someone's talking shit to him. | ||
| Well, then he's going to destroy you. | ||
| He'll shut you the fuck up, bud. | ||
| But, yeah, he's just got a unique way of looking at things. | ||
| And that's the wonderful thing about comedy. | ||
| I hate that word, wonderful, but it just was the right word for the job. | ||
| That's the thing about you meet so many different people, and we all have this one thing in common. | ||
| This one thing in common. | ||
| We like making people laugh. | ||
| We like this thing we do, this art form. | ||
| You know, that's it. | ||
| That's the only thing... | ||
| I mean, we vary so much in so many different ways. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But we all have this, like... | ||
| Amazing bond like that place is like it's the Comedy Store times. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Yeah times three times four something like that. | ||
| Yeah, but also we feel so like We were hit the just that we were here. | ||
| We all came before it opened. | ||
| We were here to feel that but you were an early adopter I I felt like... | ||
| One thing, though, about this, that's one of the reasons why I felt like I had to do this. | ||
| Because I knew all you guys had come out. | ||
| You guys are coming out here when we were at Vulcan during the lockdown. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yep. | |
| Thank God for my wife, bro. | ||
| That was her call. | ||
| That was my wife. | ||
| She saw you guys there. | ||
| It hadn't even crossed my mind yet. | ||
| I was still in pandemic mind of like, we're just here. | ||
| This is what it is. | ||
| And then she said it. | ||
| She was like, we're going to Austin, Texas. | ||
| And I was like, what? | ||
| She's like... | ||
| They're up! | ||
| Everybody's getting up! | ||
| And I'm like, oh! | ||
| And I was like, what the fuck am I doing? | ||
| I'm going to Austin, Texas! | ||
|
unidentified
|
It moved March 2021. It was crazy because so many people were mad at us. | |
| They were mad at us for doing shows. | ||
| I'm just like, are you out of your fucking mind? | ||
| Are you gonna just not do shows anymore? | ||
| Are you gonna not talk to people? | ||
| Like, what are we doing? | ||
| Like, how long does this go on? | ||
| How long does this go on? | ||
| In LA, the answer was a year and a half. | ||
| Year and a half. | ||
| Out here, it was six weeks. | ||
| They start just shooting guns in the air. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Shut the fuck up. | |
| I saw old people with no masks on out here early on. | ||
| Oh, you can feel it. | ||
| Shut the fuck up. | ||
| God, I remember when it happened. | ||
| I remember when it happened. | ||
| I was talking to Brendan. | ||
| And right when I said, man, they're going to hold LA down for a year. | ||
| He said, Derek, you're a fucking idiot. | ||
| That would never happen. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Cut two. | ||
| Cut two. | ||
| I mean, I was like, oh my god. | ||
| Well, I knew it. | ||
| I felt something. | ||
| I didn't know if they were going to lock it down for a year, but I knew LA was never going to be the same. | ||
| Because there was a new attitude about law enforcement that happened after George Floyd. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I'm like, oh, this place is in trouble. | ||
| Because when they had those cop cars lit up on fire, was it on the 110? | ||
| Is that what it was? | ||
| Yeah, and they were on fire and cinder blocks and shit. | ||
| Yeah, spray painted on fire, smashed everything. | ||
| They were doing smash and grabs everywhere, and they were just letting them do it. | ||
| Like in Beverly Hills, all they were doing was not letting people shop when it was dark out. | ||
| That was it. | ||
| So during the day or at nighttime, everybody just smash and grabbed. | ||
| It was like, the smash and grabs on Beverly Hills were insane. | ||
| It was everywhere. | ||
| That shit was crazy. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| It was also people waiting for people after they were shopping. | ||
| They were just stealing from them after they would go shopping at the mall in Beverly Hills. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Like, nice places in Beverly Hills, nice stores. | ||
| Yeah, West Hollywood people were getting robbed, bro. | ||
| It was crazy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bro. | |
| I thought that shit people were getting robbed. | ||
| I saw there was a car full of dudes that was parked in front of this gated community and they had no license plate on their car. | ||
| And I was driving in and I remember looking at these dudes and them looking at me. | ||
| I'm like, these are not dudes that are up to anything good. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And they have a car with no license plate on and they're outside of this gated community. | ||
| And they could have been just waiting for the thing to go up so they could sneak in behind it, you know? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I don't know what they were doing, but I remember thinking, like, this is going to escalate. | ||
| You're gonna get more of this. | ||
| Then I saw, I was passing by this clothing store, and I saw these dudes smash the window and run inside. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Crazy. | |
| In Woodland Hills. | ||
| In Woodland Hills! | ||
| It's like the sleepiest, most boring-ass fucking neighborhood. | ||
| Yeah, that's supposed to be the nicest. | ||
| Dr. Dre has a house out there. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's where Whitney lives. | ||
| Yeah, that's where Schaub lives. | ||
| It's like, that area is nice. | ||
| And they were smashing with it. | ||
| They lit a dumpster on fire and pushed it in front of the front door at Target. | ||
| My friend was in there. | ||
| My friend was in there. | ||
| They yelled out through the loudspeaker. | ||
| They were telling everybody, put down everything you have. | ||
| Just don't go to the cash register. | ||
| Get out. | ||
| Get out now. | ||
| And they get outside and someone lit a fucking dumpster on fire. | ||
| Pushed it up against the door. | ||
| Yeah, fuck that. | ||
| Bro. | ||
| I'm so glad we got out of there, Joe. | ||
| So when I came out here, it was like, tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Is the world gone mad or is just LA gone mad? | ||
| Is it parts of the world gone mad? | ||
| It's like the scary thing about it was it was an experiment. | ||
| Not for real. | ||
| I don't have this conspiracy theory that they did it on purpose. | ||
| I think it was a lab leak. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, it was accidental. | ||
| And I think there's a lot of funding involved in doing these fucking coronaviruses. | ||
| And there's also probably some... | ||
| It's probably biological weapons research, too. | ||
| They probably do, because they definitely do create viruses, and they work on viruses for bioweapons. | ||
| It's a real thing. | ||
| Like, bioweapons is a real thing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I believe that. | |
| It sounds terrifying that someone would release a weapon on a city to kill everybody, but that's real. | ||
| They really are. | ||
| And also, China and Russia, they're all doing... | ||
| I mean, they used gas in World War I. They just blew gas on people. | ||
| Brother! | ||
| Yeah! | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't watch Viva Vendetta and think that's not possible. | ||
| That looks real. | ||
| Very real. | ||
| Very real. | ||
| That they would do something like that. | ||
| That could happen today again. | ||
| It could happen again. | ||
| But the point is, it's like... | ||
| I don't even remember my point. | ||
| My point was that these things, when they happen, they reveal how people react to them. | ||
| And people didn't react nearly as good as I'd hoped. | ||
| They sectioned themselves off in these tribes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That was what was weird, man. | ||
| That shit broke people, Joe. | ||
| It broke people. | ||
| It broke people. | ||
| People still wear masks, Joe. | ||
| Oh my god, yeah. | ||
| It changed, like, who people are. | ||
| Like, they forgot that they used to not wear a mask. | ||
| You can tell. | ||
| Some comics from Moontower were walking down the street, and Ari saw him. | ||
| Ari saw this dude, and he had a fucking giant mask on his face. | ||
| One of them really fucking form-fit ones, secured down. | ||
| Just broken. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| A lot of people were like that. | ||
| Broken. | ||
| Just broken. | ||
| But everybody got so tribal. | ||
| And it also, it gave people an opportunity to be cunts. | ||
| There was a lot of people in LA in particular and some in New York as well. | ||
| They're really miserable people and they were looking for an opportunity to shit on someone publicly because they felt like they could because they felt like that person was vulnerable because they were taking a controversial position. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Whether it's a controversial position like saying I don't want to get vaccinated or it was a controversial position of doing shows live still. | ||
| I saw a comic blame someone else for the death of their mother. | ||
| Blame a comic that's doing shows for the death of their mother. | ||
| For the death of their mom? | ||
| Yeah, like, yo. | ||
| Yeah, maybe it was a respirator. | ||
| You know? | ||
| 80% of the people they put them on. | ||
| I remember people saying that shit, though, Joe. | ||
| When I first moved here, people were doing shows and people were saying that, like, my grandmother's gonna die because of you. | ||
| Your grandmother's just gonna die, man! | ||
| Yeah, your grandmother's gonna die. | ||
| You're gonna die too, so am I. What are we doing? | ||
| Also, the solution is not everybody stay home for your grandmother and ruin children's lives. | ||
| That's never been the case. | ||
| Old people have always done the best that they can to make life safe for young people. | ||
| And by locking them down and by keeping them out of school and by making them wear masks, you didn't make the world safer. | ||
| You made it scarier. | ||
| You're gonna have more people with anxiety. | ||
| You could have more lost years of development. | ||
| You're gonna be missing out on your education. | ||
| There's nothing good about that. | ||
| Nothing good about that. | ||
| There's zero good about that. | ||
| And if you did it to protect old people, you're a fool. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You're a fool. | ||
| It ruined young people's lives. | ||
| There were people who missed their senior year or junior year. | ||
| They didn't have it. | ||
| And I think about it, that's like a year that you need in your life. | ||
| It's a memorable thing. | ||
| Bro, it became like a child sacrifice thing. | ||
| Like, they didn't care about the children. | ||
| They didn't care what was happening to them. | ||
| We have to protect our vulnerable. | ||
| It's not gonna protect them. | ||
| That's not how it works. | ||
| There was no science behind it. | ||
| In the age of science, What the fuck is wrong with my voice today? | ||
| Thank God I got a cough button. | ||
| I'm like a professional. | ||
| You have a cough button? | ||
| Yeah, we got a cough button. | ||
| If you had us cough, I should have gave that shit to Graham Hancock the other day. | ||
| Some people just cough. | ||
| But in the age of science and reason, people abandon science. | ||
| To confirm their worst fears and to confirm all their weird Anxieties and they started to use those which is the reason why people believe that a mask that you could breathe out of is gonna protect you from a virus that's Floating in the air or that you're gonna stop a respiratory virus by just keeping children out of school Shut the fuck up like shut the fuck up with all this yeah Or that all of a sudden the pharmaceutical drug company should be trusted like shut the fuck up you guys you're not you're not being reasonable You're acting like | ||
| pussies. | ||
| And I'm not saying you're acting like pussies because COVID wasn't dangerous. | ||
| Of course it was dangerous. | ||
| I'm saying you're acting like pussies and you're not willing to look at the truth because you're scared that it's going to go against this thing that you have in your head that's a narrative that you've been sticking to this whole time. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Also, people just don't like to be like, oh man, I was wrong about that. | ||
| It's okay. | ||
| You're not a bad person to be like, man, COVID came and I kind of freaked out. | ||
| I kind of went too far. | ||
| It's okay. | ||
| You know when it gets them is when they get vaccine injured. | ||
| Chris Cuomo just came out and said he's got a vaccine injury. | ||
| That guy was pushing that shit on TV forever. | ||
| And he said he got it with his first dose and then he got it again with his second dose. | ||
| Ladies and gentlemen, I apologize for that cough. | ||
| I could have reached for that button. | ||
| I got lazy. | ||
| I could have just reached for that button. | ||
| I could have just pressed that button. | ||
| Wait, what's a vaccine injury? | ||
| Something happens when you get the COVID shot, you know, and it's not just the COVID shot. | ||
| There's people have adverse reactions to all kinds of medications, right? | ||
| But particularly to this one, this is one that the first time they ever rolled something out to billions of people worldwide. | ||
| And some people had terrible reactions. | ||
| And one of them apparently was Chris Cuomo. | ||
| Yeah, people get heart palpitations, bad blood work, they get clots. | ||
| There's a bunch of different confirmed side effects that happen. | ||
| Myocarditis is some. | ||
| Also, there's a thing about, you're supposed to, when you inject them, you're supposed to aspirate, which means when you inject it into the muscle, because it's intramuscular, you're supposed to pull back the syringe to make sure that you're not hitting a blood vessel. | ||
| And they never do that. | ||
| Even on the president. | ||
| If you watch the president get vaccinated on TV, and I don't think he got vaccinated on TV. What you mean, Joe? | ||
| I don't think they took that chance. | ||
| I think there was salt water in that thing. | ||
| Joe, don't say that! | ||
| I took that shit for real! | ||
| Well, I'm just saying on TV. I'm sure they probably vaccinated him. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Did you have a side effect? | ||
| Oh, I was sick as a dog. | ||
| Wife was fine. | ||
| I was fucked up. | ||
| What did it do to you? | ||
| It felt like I got into a car wreck or something. | ||
| I was just completely sore, really sick. | ||
| I remember being crazy tired. | ||
| Just tired. | ||
| For how long? | ||
| Like two days. | ||
| Then it bounced right back. | ||
| But it felt like, it was like, oh man, Derek, you're sick. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| I think that's the normal reaction if it's working. | ||
| See, the problem is... | ||
| When you have a bad reaction, you know, your body reacts to it in a negative way. | ||
| Like, there's people that have had strokes and heart attacks, and people have died, like, right after the shot. | ||
| And, you know, no one wants to attribute it to the shot, but a bunch of injuries they have attributed definitely directly to the shot. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Have they confirmed it when it's happened? | ||
| They won't say it's zero. | ||
| They won't say it's zero. | ||
| But the real question is like, how many people? | ||
| How many people are being honest about it? | ||
| How many people are even telling people about it? | ||
| Because even though they feel like shit after they got vaccinated, even though they have health problems, they told people to get vaccinated. | ||
| They were... | ||
| So it takes like this big moment of bravery to sort of admit, just step out and admit I got caught up in the madness of it all and I didn't know what the fuck I was talking about and I was shaming people and telling people to do something. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| This is New York Times now. | ||
| Now it's interesting because Alex Berenson wrote a piece about this. | ||
| He said it's hardcore gaslighting. | ||
| And his substack, if you go to his substack, it's very interesting. | ||
| But this is in New York Times. | ||
| Thousands believe COVID vaccines harm them. | ||
| Is anyone listening? | ||
| All vaccines have at least occasional side effects, but people who say they were injured by COVID vaccines believe their cases have been ignored. | ||
| Well, they have. | ||
| They have been ignored. | ||
| I have friends that have been ignored. | ||
| I never really hear that side of it, though. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, if you're in that world, like, I got dragged into that world, unfortunately. | ||
| I did not want to be in that world. | ||
| I did not want to be in the world of arguing with people about medical information or medical facts or just whatever fucking pharmaceutical drug company propaganda you gotta battle against. | ||
| Like, who wants to be involved in that shit? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'll just stay out of my life. | ||
| I'll stay out of yours. | ||
| You can trick people into doing this every year. | ||
| You do whatever you got to do. | ||
| But once you get dragged into it, you're like, oh, this is kind of evil. | ||
| They don't give up. | ||
| I knew it was evil when they were vaccinating kids, when they were forcing kids to get vaccinated because no data, I mean none, zero, said it was dangerous for kids. | ||
| All data pointed to that kids got over this very easy. | ||
| And that are elderly people. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| My kids got it. | ||
| It was nothing. | ||
| It was nothing. | ||
| It's elderly people. | ||
| It's vulnerable people. | ||
| It's overweight people. | ||
| That was like a big percentage of the people that died. | ||
| Why do they want a vaccine? | ||
| For what reason? | ||
| They're making money off of it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And also to help people feel better that are like super anxious, that are worried their kids are going to give it to them. | ||
| But it's... | ||
| It was a wild time, man, to watch the whole world lose its fucking mind. | ||
| It was a wild time. | ||
| And it was a perfect time for us to come out here. | ||
| It was perfect. | ||
| Perfect, Joe. | ||
| And we were right. | ||
| We were right, people. | ||
| We were right. | ||
| We were so right. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We fucking nailed that shit. | |
| We were right. | ||
| You guys are all back to normal life now, except suckier. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You guys are back in L.A. You're back to normal life, but more dangerous, more crime, more sucky. | ||
| Shows are nowhere near as hot. | ||
| They are not as close to as hot as these shows in Austin, Texas. | ||
| Anywhere you go, Joe, in a three-block span, I can get up six times. | ||
| Sold-out shows, all hot. | ||
| Great lineups. | ||
| That iron sharpens iron feeling. | ||
| What I got to watch when I was at the store, parking cars and door-guying, and I got to see that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So I know that, oh, this is happening here. | ||
| Yeah, we set up a destination. | ||
| It's a destination. | ||
| For comics, it's like they're going to go visit Disneyland. | ||
| And everybody's welcome, so they come all the time. | ||
| And so, you know, like last week, we got Colin Quinn, and Chris DiStefano, and Shane's in there all the time, and Schultz when he comes by, and Dave when he's in town. | ||
| And then surprise with, like, Howie Mandel or some shit. | ||
| You're like, what the fuck's Howie doing here? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Ron White's there all the time. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| We're lucky as shit, man. | ||
| But it's almost like the universe wanted this to happen. | ||
| Because all the things that had to be in place for this to happen, they're all just sort of like... | ||
| You know how when you're driving and you just keep hitting green lights? | ||
| Like, the light's red, but as you're pulling up, like, do I have to slow down? | ||
| No green light! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bam! | |
| Let's go! | ||
| That's what it was like. | ||
| Like, at every point, we just kept hitting green lights. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And everyone moving, Shane moving, and now the Philly guys are here, and you feel more people are moving. | ||
| Yeah, when Duncan moved here, that was big. | ||
| He was one of the earliest. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Tom was real early. | ||
| I was telling him, I go, dude, I go, it's awesome here. | ||
| I go, people are friendly. | ||
| It's like, there's no traffic, and we can do comedy. | ||
| He's like, I'm moving. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| Tom was out here early. | ||
| Yeah, he was. | ||
| He was there waiting for me. | ||
| So that was cool to see big dogs, to see like... | ||
| Big dogs. | ||
| Big dogs who have to move their families. | ||
| That's what I mean. | ||
| So to me, that's what made it more real, too. | ||
| Because I'm looking at it like, well, I'm a comic. | ||
| I have more nothing to lose. | ||
| Me and my wife have no kids. | ||
| We're just kind of flying by the seat of our pants. | ||
| But when you see people get up and move their families, it's like, no, that's a decision. | ||
| I don't think he's fucking around here. | ||
| I remember people saying, oh, he's never going to build a club. | ||
| It's like, and his fucking family's here. | ||
| I don't think he's playing. | ||
| You know? | ||
| But that was the thing. | ||
| I was just gonna do it the right way. | ||
| And I wasn't talking about it. | ||
| I mean, I was saying it was gonna happen, but I wasn't talking about it too much. | ||
| People, psh, you ain't gonna do that. | ||
| Everyone! | ||
| People were telling me I was dumb. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, Joe, I'm not gonna say names, but you know who you fucking are! | |
| Famous comics saying, oh man, you fucked up your career. | ||
| People said that to me in a song. | ||
| Bobby Lee. | ||
| Fat fuck! | ||
|
unidentified
|
I love you! | |
| Goddamn fat fucking piece of shit! | ||
| Bobby operates on fear. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I love Bobby to death. | ||
| Me too! | ||
| That's the thing of like, man, I love you, dog! | ||
| But also, he doesn't really mean it. | ||
| He's just kind of saying it. | ||
| Like, with Bobby, everything is kind of like a gag. | ||
| Like everything, even when he's like angry, he's like, you're really angry? | ||
| He starts laughing. | ||
| Yeah, and he'll start tickling you and you're like, bro! | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Everything's kind of like, that's one of the beautiful things about Bobby. | ||
| Everything's like half a gag. | ||
| But also like the reality that he doesn't like, you know, the anxiety of that move, the whole thing, the fear of it. | ||
| And for you to do it, he's gonna shit on you. | ||
| Because you did a thing that he probably should do too. | ||
| Clearly! | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, I talked to him when he was out here. | ||
| He's like, fuck! | ||
| I go, just move here. | ||
| Oh, they all say it right when they come. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's easy. | |
| Right when they come. | ||
| They all are like, oh, man. | ||
| You can see it on them. | ||
| Yeah, he left the club with two beautiful ladies. | ||
| I was like, where are you going, Bobby? | ||
| He's like, I'll be back. | ||
| I'm famous here. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nice. | |
| Everybody loves him. | ||
| I do remember he said that, though. | ||
| Yeah, they were scared. | ||
| Derek, you made a big mistake. | ||
| I was like, bro, you had Kalilah. | ||
| We all had mistakes. | ||
| Get the fuck out of my face, dog. | ||
| Shut the fuck up, advice boy. | ||
| Yo, what are you talking about right now, man? | ||
| Who the fuck are you talking to? | ||
| Who the fuck is that guy? | ||
| I'm so glad I did, man. | ||
| I'm so glad I did, brother. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| I'm glad you did, too. | ||
| That helped me meet Schultz. | ||
| I didn't know Schultz in L.A. I got here, and then he was coming to San Antonio, and he hit up Tony Hinchcliffe. | ||
| Thank God for Tony. | ||
| And he hit up Tony and said, hey, I need a host for tonight. | ||
| It's awesome that Tony said this, and he showed me this, too. | ||
| He said, Schultz, I got the perfect guy for you. | ||
| I think you guys will work well together. | ||
| Tony told me, I have a feeling you guys are going to be friends. | ||
| And now that's my brother. | ||
| He came to the wedding, I went to his... | ||
| I love that guy. | ||
| Tony is one of the unsung best guys for promoting talent. | ||
| People don't think about Tony when they think about that, which is kind of crazy because that's what Kill Tony is. | ||
| He doesn't get the credit that he deserves for starting careers. | ||
| There's a lot of guys that they started their career with Tony. | ||
| And he's really good at promoting people. | ||
| He's real generous about it. | ||
| He's always talking about it. | ||
| On camera and off camera. | ||
| He'll do it. | ||
| That's what people don't see. | ||
| They think, oh, he's doing that on Kill Tony. | ||
| He's like, no, he's doing that off camera. | ||
| He's doing that in the green room. | ||
| He'll tell us about how someone killed in the green room, about how he let someone open for him somewhere and they murdered. | ||
| He'll tell you to be like, Joe, look at this door guy. | ||
| Or watch this door guy. | ||
| I've seen him do it. | ||
| He does it all the time. | ||
| Tony loves comedy. | ||
| He loves it. | ||
| He fucking lives it. | ||
| He breathes it. | ||
| So, having that guy in town, too, was huge. | ||
| Like, Tony moved real early on, too. | ||
| You know, but Tony and me, we're best friends. | ||
| I mean, we've been on the road together, like, I don't know, 150 fucking shows somewhere. | ||
| Somewhere around that range. | ||
| Probably more than that. | ||
| Over the years, I mean, I've been doing shows with him for, fuck, at least 10 years. | ||
| You know, I don't even know when we started doing shows together, but it had to be before 2014. I think I met him at the Ice House. | ||
| Like, way back in the day. | ||
| And so, like, I've seen that dude, like, really come together. | ||
| I've seen that dude, like, really become, like, a killer comedian. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Watch him on the roast last night? | ||
| Or Saturday night? | ||
| Goddamn, dude! | ||
| Goddamn! | ||
| That one he said about Sam Jackson? | ||
| She hell gnaws the pussy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
She oh hell gnaws the pussy. | |
| Oh hell gnaws it. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| And the one about Burt. | ||
| Oh he was going in. | ||
| The Burt's a king. | ||
| The Burt's a king. | ||
| The tiger king fucked the liver king. | ||
| The liver like Rodney King fucked the... | ||
| Oh bro. | ||
| He's the goat. | ||
| When it comes to that roast and shit, man, I think he the goat. | ||
| He's the goat. | ||
| I think he's the greatest. | ||
| Tony's the best. | ||
| I'm not gonna say it, but there were some forces that were trying to limit him from his ability to shine. | ||
| They see it. | ||
| They see he's coming for it. | ||
| They know he's coming for the title. | ||
| He's reckless, and that's what they're not, okay? | ||
| There's a kind of reckless comedy, you know, that you know you're gonna take the heat, but you don't give a fuck. | ||
| You're going in. | ||
| That's reckless. | ||
| That's Tony. | ||
| Tony's reckless. | ||
| He's driving fast, and he's gonna crash. | ||
| It's like, he's gonna crash. | ||
| But he's just like real confident in his mechanic. | ||
| Yeah, he goes, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He goes. | |
| He's just going for the comedy. | ||
| And that's what comedy used to be, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And now there's a lot of people today that that's not what comedy is for them anymore. | ||
| Now they're like trying to color inside the lines. | ||
| And there's just people that want to be funny, but they also kind of want to appeal to the wokesters. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| They want to appeal to this ridiculous ideology that's very controlling. | ||
| But if they do, then the comments that they read on Twitter will be positive. | ||
| Because those are the kind of like socially retarded cunts that sit at home all day and complain about things. | ||
| So if you want to get their input, you have to kind of like feed into their nonsense. | ||
| And that ruins comedy. | ||
| Ruins comedy. | ||
| That ruins it. | ||
| It ruins great comics. | ||
| It does. | ||
| It turns great comics into cowards. | ||
| Yeah, you see it. | ||
| You can see it while they're on stage. | ||
| Like, oh, you're worried about an acting job in the back of your head. | ||
| It's not even a real job. | ||
| You don't even have it yet. | ||
| It's just a job in the future that you might, I don't want to piss off. | ||
| It's like, bro, it's not even a real thing. | ||
| Yeah, the connection between comedy and Hollywood is one of the worst ideas of all time. | ||
| It would be like the connection of Alcoholics Anonymous and rock shows. | ||
| Literally, that's literally how bad it is of a connection. | ||
| Yeah, they don't belong in the same universe. | ||
| No, no. | ||
| But the thing is, they offered that carrot up to us. | ||
| They dangled that money carrot, that carrot of TV. Ooh, Derek, don't you want to be in the movies? | ||
| Ooh, Derek, don't you want to host your own sitcom or be on a sitcom or host a late night talk show? | ||
| But as a kid, that's what you see. | ||
| You're like, wow, everybody loves Raymond. | ||
| All these great things, and they are great. | ||
| But you're like... | ||
| One of the best things that happened to us was the internet. | ||
| Because the internet did a bunch of different things. | ||
| One, it made comics valuable to each other instead of in competition with each other. | ||
| Because not only do we, everybody has a show, right? | ||
| If you have podcasts, all our friends have shows, right? | ||
| So not only do they have shows, but You can have them on as a guest, or you can go on their show when you need to promote something. | ||
| And then we all help each other, and then we tell you, hey, check out Derek and Nassan, check out Tony, check out William, and everybody does that, and then everybody grows. | ||
| Nobody loses. | ||
| Whereas in Hollywood, if you were the host of The Tonight Show, and I wanted to be the host of The Tonight Show, I'd be like, fuck Derek, I need that job. | ||
| I want that job. | ||
| When I was a kid, I wanted to be the host of The Tonight Show, but Derek's the host. | ||
| Goddammit, I fucking hate Derek. | ||
| I hope he crashes his car. | ||
| I hope he gets hooked on heroin. | ||
| And that's how it was. | ||
| I mean, that's that whole thing with David Letterman and Jay Leno. | ||
| Jay Leno was waiting. | ||
| He was hiding in the closet, son. | ||
| Hiding in the closet while they were having a conversation about him. | ||
| That's too much. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's insane. | |
| That's fucking insane. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Insane. | |
| And then I know that thing between him and Conan. | ||
| It's just like, bro, fuck all that. | ||
| Also, Jimmy Kimmel's chiming in. | ||
| Everybody's chiming in. | ||
| Remember when Jimmy Kimmel berated Jay Leno for trying to take Conan's job? | ||
| If Conan was killing it, that job wouldn't be available. | ||
| That's how that works. | ||
| Yeah, that's how it works. | ||
| But they did handcuff Conan when Conan took over Tonight Show because Jay Leno did his show at 10 o'clock or like right before it, right? | ||
| He did it during primetime hours. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You can't do that. | ||
| That's bullshit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Just even hearing all that, like, damn, I'm so glad I'm in this era. | ||
| Fuck that. | ||
| The idea of, like you said, just going on each other's podcast. | ||
| Since you started Podcast Joe, pretty much, did you see... | ||
| Because when you started, you must not have known that, like, oh, we're all going to go on each other's. | ||
| When did you see that become like, oh, this is... | ||
| Well, it was the attitude that we had about the store was the same attitude that transferred into podcasts. | ||
| Because the attitude at the store, even in like the early 2000s, like when things were popping there, the attitude was like very supportive. | ||
| If you were cool, if you're cool and all you want to do is just be friendly and hang out and have a good time, everybody was cool with you. | ||
| If there was a real disagreement with people, 100% someone was a cunt. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| It wasn't just competitive bullshit, but in the 90s, man, dudes would say shit to you before you went on stage, try to fuck with your confidence. | ||
| They'd make fun of your clothes or talk about your hair or something. | ||
| Just say something to you right before you went on stage. | ||
| I was like, what? | ||
| That sucks, bro. | ||
| Bro, there was people that would mock your act. | ||
| They would mock laugh from the back of the room. | ||
| Like, ha ha. | ||
| You would hear comics say that and then leave the room. | ||
| If I'm having a bad set, man, I know. | ||
| I'm aware. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| There were so many haters. | ||
| I remember there was dudes who were sitting in the back of the open mic night, heckling open micers because they wanted them to leave so they could get up earlier. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, get this fucking show over. | ||
| Next. | ||
| Like, what? | ||
| This person just started. | ||
| What are you doing? | ||
| I might fucking kill you. | ||
| I would be so upset. | ||
| I would be, that's crazy to do to somebody. | ||
| There's also, like, certain dudes, like, say if you are, um, right now you're like a traveling middle act and there's a kid who's an open-miker and you see him coming and he starts building up momentum and then he starts going on the road and then all of a sudden this guy is headlining before you are And that happens. | ||
| And then he's selling out places. | ||
| Fuck him. | ||
| You believe he's selling out theaters, man? | ||
| Who the fuck? | ||
| You believe that guy's selling out theaters? | ||
| And he's sitting in the fucking hallway of the Comedy Store. | ||
| You believe that guy's selling out theaters, man? | ||
| This is bullshit. | ||
| That's a stupid, old, dumb mentality. | ||
| That stupid old famine mentality for mentally ill people who are narcissists. | ||
| And they just can't believe that other people are having success too. | ||
| It's not even that they're not doing pretty good. | ||
| It's like no one's ever happy if someone's doing better. | ||
| I thank God for my best friends. | ||
| Brian Simpson, every time he gets anything, and I mean anything in his career, and you know how big he is, every time, the first time he got on Rogan, first time he got the Netflix thing, he looks right at me every time and goes, you're next. | ||
| Derek, you're next. | ||
| No matter what he gets, he goes, Derek, you're next. | ||
| And it's just to hear that every time from a guy that you were like, man, I want to be like this guy. | ||
| This guy's the best comic I know. | ||
| Yeah, super supportive. | ||
| It means everything. | ||
| It means everything. | ||
| And that's the... | ||
| When you have that kind of environment, it feels good for everybody. | ||
| This is what's important. | ||
| The selfish feeling that you want no one to do better than you, and you want to be, like, number one, and then if you see people doing better than you, you get angry, that selfish feeling, it ruins you. | ||
| Because it ruins your relationship with those people. | ||
| You could have the exact same circumstances happen and be super happy. | ||
| For everybody. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| For you and for you. | ||
| There's no tension. | ||
| There's no need to it. | ||
| There's no need for it. | ||
| And if someone makes you feel bad, like if you watch someone like, they're so good they make you feel bad, go to work. | ||
| Go to work. | ||
| That's a good feeling. | ||
| That's good. | ||
| When Natal was in town, I would watch Natal be like, I want to go home and write. | ||
| I want to go home and write. | ||
| Like this fucking guy is like, he's like a Zen master up there. | ||
| He's like effortlessly killing. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| In a way that's like so, and so ridiculous and so unique. | ||
| I was like, God, this is so good. | ||
| But if you're a hater, that's poison. | ||
| You're watching... | ||
| You're getting the exact opposite feeling from the same exact scene. | ||
| The same scene. | ||
| There's guys that will... | ||
| I've seen guys sitting in the back room. | ||
| They were watching Chris Rock. | ||
| And they're watching Chris Rock with their arms crossed like this. | ||
| Like... | ||
| Wanting him to suck. | ||
| Wanting him to suck. | ||
| Not wanting him to do well. | ||
| Not just enjoying it. | ||
| Enjoy him! | ||
| Aren't you a fan of this? | ||
| It only has to be you? | ||
| You're the only one who can be funny? | ||
| That's crazy! | ||
| That's crazy! | ||
| You can't have a good time? | ||
| So you're missing out on having a good time just so you can be selfish. | ||
| There's a zero upside. | ||
| And it ruins your life. | ||
| Now you're at home mad. | ||
| It just ruins your day. | ||
| Your whole life. | ||
| Everything's ruined. | ||
| And if someone does fail that you wanted to fail and you feel good, you should be embarrassed. | ||
| You should be embarrassed by that feeling. | ||
| You should be like, what a weak bitch I am. | ||
| You hit him with the Sebastian. | ||
| You should be embarrassed. | ||
| You should be embarrassed. | ||
| You really should. | ||
| You should. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| But I think this is all like... | ||
| People need to learn this. | ||
| You need to learn this and learn it in a way where it doesn't feel bad if you take it on. | ||
| You don't feel like a fool. | ||
| Because we've all been fools. | ||
| I've been a fool. | ||
| Everyone's in this room. | ||
| Everyone listening has been a fool. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We've all been a fucking moron. | ||
| That's how you learn and grow in life. | ||
| But if you stick to the old ways, you'll just be unhappy and mentally ill. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, your therapist's not gonna save you. | ||
| I mean, Joe, you might even remember this. | ||
| I learned a lesson in comedy. | ||
| Being young and just talking too much and just being kind of angry and wanting more as a dork. | ||
| And you talked to me. | ||
| I don't know if you remember that. | ||
| You got on me one time. | ||
| Hey, Derek, you gotta shut up, man. | ||
| I don't even know if you remember you telling me to do this. | ||
| When was this? | ||
| Was this at the store? | ||
| This was at the store. | ||
| What were you complaining about? | ||
| I was just running my mouth complaining about, I want more. | ||
| I just wanted more. | ||
| I just wanted more and I was talking too much. | ||
| At the end of the day, I was talking too much and you did that and that was good. | ||
| I needed that. | ||
| I needed to hear that. | ||
| Sometimes we get wrapped up in our own shit. | ||
| The process is long. | ||
| If I was trying to tell someone right now to be a comic and they were like 26 years old, I'd be like, okay. | ||
| You ain't gonna be famous until you're 40. If you make it. | ||
| If you, if! | ||
| If you make it. | ||
| You know, you gotta be willing to throw it all away, and you gotta be willing to go through this weird path where you want things and they're not happening, and you get angry, and that's where you were. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| You wanted things, and I was like, Derek, you gotta be undeniable. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| You gotta be undeniable. | ||
| When you're undeniable, it's all gonna come your way. | ||
| But all this talk is not good for anybody. | ||
| It's crazy, you just don't. | ||
| But it's, I'm glad I went through that. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| I'm glad that that happened to me because it was, at the time, it felt like, you know, you're like, oh. | ||
| But man, I'm glad I went through that because now it's just so much better to enjoy. | ||
| You appreciate it. | ||
| Appreciate it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And it's almost like you have to go through, I had those feelings. | ||
| I remember being at an open mic night and I wasn't on the list. | ||
| I couldn't get on the list. | ||
| I was angry. | ||
| Like, why can't I go up? | ||
| This is bullshit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm funnier than this person. | ||
| You start saying things like that. | ||
| It's stupid. | ||
| You just have to deal with the grind. | ||
| It's part of the thing. | ||
| It's like what makes you better. | ||
| Those uncomfortable things, they build inside of you. | ||
| Those uncomfortable moments and feelings, they add inspiration. | ||
| They add determination. | ||
| They add discipline. | ||
| They make you focus more. | ||
| They make you listen to tapes. | ||
| They make you go through your notebook. | ||
| Man, I really appreciate those Comedy Store times. | ||
| I think everyone should be, not a door guy, but man, it's good. | ||
| I think it's just good for you to just sit and learn. | ||
| You have no choice. | ||
| You're there. | ||
| What was dope about the Comedy Store, too, was the fact that there was a real attitude that everyone was a comic, including the door people. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| The door people, to me, were me when I was 23. I was like, what's up? | ||
| What's going on, man? | ||
| Everything cool? | ||
| Met you. | ||
| Big hug. | ||
| First thing he said, yo, what's up? | ||
| New guy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, man. | |
| I remember like it was yesterday, dude. | ||
| All you guys. | ||
| Oh, man. | ||
| The coolest thing, one of the coolest things about stand-up that I learned from you, Joe, so when I got there, you were finishing Triggered. | ||
| That was about to come out. | ||
| So you were doing the, on the stool bit, the Caitlyn Jenner. | ||
| I mean, it was so tight. | ||
| You were going, standing O's every time you did it. | ||
| It was nuts! | ||
| Then the special came out. | ||
| And then you start gearing up for Strange Times. | ||
| And the only person I've ever heard they say would do this was Richard Pryor, where he would come in after he dropped a special, and he would bang out material, and you'd see it. | ||
| For the first time, you're like, okay, I kind of see the skeleton. | ||
| I saw the skeleton of Strange Times. | ||
| I'm like, all right, I guess... | ||
| And then the next day, you'd see a little bit of muscle on it. | ||
| You never abandoned it. | ||
| Even though it wasn't hitting like how the other stuff was hitting, or some nights it wasn't going as well as maybe you wanted it to, you never abandoned it. | ||
| You never were like, oh, I'm going to do crowd work, oh, I'm going to say an old bit and get out of this. | ||
| No. | ||
| And then I saw strange times become strange times. | ||
| And that was amazing to see, Joe. | ||
| It takes a long time to get a bit going. | ||
| And if you bail on it, every one of my bits, except for a few, sucked in the beginning. | ||
| They're clunky. | ||
| You don't know how to do it right. | ||
| You can see you were trying to find it. | ||
| It's a terrible process. | ||
| It's a terrible process. | ||
| It really is. | ||
| It's a terrible process. | ||
| Bryan Simpson did it the smartest way. | ||
| What Bryan did was he had his whole hour laid out and then before he filmed his hour he created a new hour. | ||
| So he started adding material to the set over the course of a year till he had another hour. | ||
| And so then he films the special and he's got an extra hour. | ||
| That's Bryan Simpson. | ||
| Bryan Simpson plans for the future. | ||
| He has his socks laid out by his bed. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Bryan has his socks laid out. | ||
| He's planning for the future. | ||
| Bryan gave me a book on what to do if the world collapses. | ||
| He gave us all that book. | ||
| Yeah, like the Book of Man. | ||
| Yeah, whatever it is. | ||
| The book. | ||
| I think it's called The Book. | ||
| It's how to rebuild society. | ||
| I was like, what the fuck are you planning, Bryan? | ||
| Brian's got books planned on how to save society. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's one of one, man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We're real lucky. | ||
| We're real lucky. | ||
| And he's another guy that came out here really early. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So when everybody was out here early, you know, I had gone through this thing where I had the first club and The deal fell apart, the cult house. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The cult house. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Goddamn glad we didn't get that one. | ||
| That would have ruined everything. | ||
| Yeah, that would not have been as... | ||
| No. | ||
| Because the placement of this one. | ||
| It's perfect. | ||
| The fact that it's on that Maniac Street. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, that street's alive, dude. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That street's alive. | ||
| I like that because as an audience member, when you get there, you're like, you're now awake. | ||
| You don't get to wander in. | ||
| It's not in a mall or some shit. | ||
| It's like, no, you're awake now. | ||
| Well, when the deal fell through with the cult place, and then we walked into that movie theater, when it was a movie theater still, I remember walking in there going, oh, shit. | ||
| Like, okay. | ||
| It was so clear. | ||
| It was like you hear a sound in the distance of the direction you're supposed to go to. | ||
| Boom. | ||
| Boom. | ||
| Okay, here we go. | ||
| That's how it felt. | ||
| It really felt like that. | ||
| It felt like, God damn, man, this place is alive. | ||
| This place has, like, got memories baked into it. | ||
| Stevie Ray Vaughan. | ||
| Stevie Ray Vaughan was on that stage. | ||
| Willie Nelson was on that stage. | ||
| Willie Nelson was on that stage? | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| All those dudes in the green room, all those posters are in the green room. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Those are all real shows from the Ritz. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I did not know that. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| A lot of bands played there. | ||
| A lot of bands. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So you could feel it in the walls. | ||
| There's a lot of things happening in that place. | ||
| It used to be a pool hall. | ||
| It used to be a nudie movie theater at one point in time. | ||
| Oh, there's jizz in there, bro. | ||
| Buckets of jizz. | ||
| There's a movie theater for the longest time where it was Alamo Drafthouse. | ||
| That was like more than 10 years. | ||
| It was a lot of things. | ||
| It was a punk rock bar at one point in time. | ||
| That place has got history. | ||
| It's from 1827. Or 19, 1927, right? | ||
| Is that right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| 1927. Yeah, 1927. 1927. It's 100 years old, essentially, or close to it. | ||
| I mean, it's very comedy store vibes in that, because the comedy store used to be zeroes, and it was like where the mafia would be, and like all this cool, weird stories, and you feel the building, you can feel it. | ||
| And that, you know, this does have that. | ||
| Mitzi's feels, you can feel it in Mitzi's late night. | ||
| It's like, the energy in that is awesome. | ||
| Well, it's also the energy that's been baked in just in the year that we've been open. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Bro, that year, fuck. | ||
| Flew by. | ||
| That year flew by. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It did. | |
| Flew by. | ||
| Flew by. | ||
| It makes me think I'm gonna be dead real soon. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How much time do you have? | |
| If I go through 50 more of those, it'll be a miracle. | ||
| So that's not gonna happen. | ||
| I know. | ||
| I'm gonna go through 50 of them. | ||
| It's not possible. | ||
| Wow, and did you think that? | ||
| When you set it up, like I'm setting this up for when I'm gone, this baby, like the comedy store, it'll just run. | ||
| Well, I didn't think that, no. | ||
| I just thought set up the best thing you can set up. | ||
| That's all I thought. | ||
| I thought, like, I have this crazy unique moment where not only did the world shut down and Texas didn't, but also all these comedians came out here to do shows and I have this Spotify deal. | ||
| And I'm like, okay, I'm supposed to do this. | ||
| Like, if anybody's supposed to do this, like, if you were a kid and they said to you, if you got all this money, what would you do? | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know what I'd do? | |
| I'd make the ultimate amusement park. | ||
| Just for me and my friends! | ||
| But nobody ever does that. | ||
| You know, like, people get fuck you money and they never say fuck you. | ||
| And I don't get that. | ||
| Like, if you have fuck you money and you don't say fuck you, what you're doing is, it's a crime against fortune. | ||
| You have the incredible fortune to have fuck you money. | ||
| The incredible luck. | ||
| The incredible fortune. | ||
| To be in this weird position where all these comedians decided to come to this place because you and your friends were there. | ||
| Ron White, he's the fucking leader of the pack. | ||
| Pied Piper. | ||
| He's the Pied Piper. | ||
| Because Ron was out here before COVID. Ron was out here in like 2017, I think, or 18. Was he retired yet already or no? | ||
| He wasn't retired, but he was like, I fly out of Austin. | ||
| It's much easier. | ||
| You're in the middle. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You can fly out fucking two and a half hours to New York, two and a half hours to LA. Fucking people are nice. | |
| Food's amazing. | ||
| I was like, damn, maybe I could, because I had always entertained leaving LA, but the store just always kept me there. | ||
| The store and my friends. | ||
| Jiu-jitsu. | ||
| I mean, I tried for a while, tried moving to Colorado for a little bit, but the store always pulled me back. | ||
| It's like, you can't replicate that. | ||
| You did. | ||
| Yeah, well, that's why I felt like there's no other way it could have ever happened. | ||
| All those things had to happen in place, where the comedy store had to get shut down so we can get all the people that worked at the comedy store to come over and start the mothership. | ||
| People like Eric and Curtis and Adam. | ||
| Jody. | ||
| Yeah, and Jody and... | ||
| Carrie. | ||
| Carrie. | ||
| Carrie's the shit. | ||
| It wasn't for Carrie. | ||
| The mom. | ||
| She's the best. | ||
| But she was always the best at the store. | ||
| So when she's over there, it's like, oh, this is wonderful. | ||
| And then she knew all the right servers. | ||
| And then we get this vibe going. | ||
| And then the whole idea. | ||
| And it was Adam's idea to do it the same way the store was. | ||
| I was a little apprehensive. | ||
| Like, man, comics cause problems when they're employees. | ||
| A lot of us are dirtbags. | ||
| A lot of us are crazy. | ||
| Joe, I robbed the comedy store. | ||
| I robbed that fucking place. | ||
| Peter's listening. | ||
| You'll go back in the headline and I'll make it up for you. | ||
| Yeah, I promise. | ||
| I'll make it up. | ||
| But it wasn't just me, baby. | ||
| Hassan, Brian, we all owe you money. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| I'm sure. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You were just hustling. | |
| I mean, we're hustling because it's like, well, I'm only making a couple bucks. | ||
| I didn't get up. | ||
| I'm going to fucking hustle this door. | ||
| Trying to stay alive. | ||
| Trying to stay alive. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, but there was that problem. | ||
| But Adam was like, yeah, but you know what? | ||
| There's something really cool about people auditioning. | ||
| And because now Adam is running it, so we didn't have to have this... | ||
| This is one of the things that I told him. | ||
| Because there's a pressure that he had in LA to have, like, X amount of women and X amount of gay people. | ||
| People talked about it. | ||
| And they would email him. | ||
| They'd complain to him. | ||
| People would confront him. | ||
| You know, how come you don't have more women on your lineup? | ||
| Girl Comics would say. | ||
| I said, listen, man. | ||
| This is 100% meritocracy. | ||
| I know you're not sexist. | ||
| I know you're not racist. | ||
| I know you're not homophobic. | ||
| You don't care. | ||
| All you care about, you speak the language of funny. | ||
| This will be a pure meritocracy. | ||
| And if you're really good, you're going to get through. | ||
| And if you're bullshitting and just using whatever the fuck group you're a part of as like a Willy Wonka golden ticket, thinking it's going to get you a career, fuck you. | ||
| Okay, that shit doesn't work here. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| You know? | ||
| I love that. | ||
| And with that, the best way to make a diverse show is just, like you said, put the funniest people up. | ||
| The show will naturally diversify itself, baby. | ||
| We have so many different people working there. | ||
| Everybody's different. | ||
| And different in all kinds of ways. | ||
| There's gay and straight and there's black and white and Asian. | ||
| No one fucking cares. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| I don't even notice it because all we think of is funny. | ||
| No one cares. | ||
| No one cares. | ||
| All that cares, are you funny? | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Can you go up there and do that? | ||
| Asan did 9-11. | ||
| No one gives a fuck. | ||
| He's just a funny dude. | ||
| We all just forgive him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's how funny that piece of shit is. | |
| Boy, he's come a long way, man. | ||
| Joey Diaz was just telling me on the phone yesterday. | ||
| I was on the phone with Joey yesterday. | ||
| He's like, Asan blew my mind. | ||
| He goes, he blew my mind. | ||
| I remember that kid when he was just starting out. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's out there. | ||
| He's fucking. | ||
| Joey's coming. | ||
| He's coming. | ||
| Joey's moving. | ||
| He's coming again in a couple weeks. | ||
| He's going to be back. | ||
| He's going to be back for quite a while. | ||
| And then we're going to get him a place. | ||
| He's going to get a place on just in the neighborhood. | ||
| He's moving, Joe. | ||
| He's gotta move here. | ||
| He can't stay in New Jersey. | ||
| All due respect to New Jersey. | ||
| All due respect. | ||
| He needs to be around his peers. | ||
| You saw it when he was here. | ||
| You feel it on him, man. | ||
| And as the days went, how much more comfortable he started moving like Joey. | ||
| When Joey would be in the main room, and it was like that when he left Fat Man. | ||
| We were like, oh, he's in. | ||
| He's back. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| His wife's down, too. | ||
| She gets it. | ||
| She's the best. | ||
| She's the best. | ||
| So it's perfect. | ||
| So when Joey gets here, that'll change everything. | ||
| God damn, that's gonna change everything. | ||
| I've been working on Theo. | ||
| Theo's coming soon. | ||
| He's gonna be here in ten days. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So we'll have Theo here for a couple weeks. | ||
| And then Theo said he might come down for the whole month of July. | ||
| You're fucking Samuel Jackson with the Avengers, baby. | ||
| You're just Nick Fury. | ||
| You're just getting them all, rounding them up. | ||
| Yeah, I'm recruiting, man. | ||
| I'm recruiting. | ||
| But I only want people that want to be here. | ||
| Like, if you don't want to be here, it's like, I get it, I get it, I get it. | ||
| There's no pressure. | ||
| You don't have to come here, but it would be nice. | ||
| It's fun. | ||
| Joe DeRosa got a place here. | ||
| Joe DeRose is here now. | ||
| Let's go! | ||
| DeRose is the man. | ||
| Everyone you're saying, but everyone you're saying also, great, phenomenal beast of a comic. | ||
| Yeah, and nice people. | ||
| Great people. | ||
| That's the big thing. | ||
| The big thing is all real friendly, real nice people. | ||
| And the more of that, the better. | ||
| And there's plenty of spots. | ||
| There's so many clubs. | ||
| And Red Band's Club's killing it. | ||
| How was it? | ||
| A 13-second walk from my club to Red Band's Club? | ||
| You can get up. | ||
| You got three times. | ||
| Right next door. | ||
| Creek in the Cave. | ||
| Always a great room. | ||
| Right down the street. | ||
| This little place, Black Rabbit, which I love, right there. | ||
| You can go get up. | ||
| I mean, they're all within a block. | ||
| Black Rabbit's doing stand-up now? | ||
| How long have they been doing stand-up? | ||
| I don't know how long they've been open, but that's over me and Hassan. | ||
| I mean, it's just such a little 50-seat box. | ||
| So me and Hassan just love that little spot. | ||
| And bro, the Vulcan is still a banger of a club. | ||
| Shout out to the Vulcan. | ||
| If you can get up there, that's a great fucking show. | ||
| Bro, the Vulcan is a great room. | ||
| And then you can drive over to Cap City. | ||
| That place kept us alive. | ||
| It kept blood in us, bro. | ||
| That place was like a mask that we were all sharing, like scuba diving. | ||
| We'd give it to each other. | ||
| We were staying alive, you know? | ||
| That place kept us alive. | ||
| Those Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursdays, just getting it through. | ||
| That place kept us alive. | ||
| And then, of course, kill Tony. | ||
| Having killed Tony in a town changes the town. | ||
| Because now, there's all these temptations to go down the road of fuckery when you're first on stage. | ||
| You want to try to make yourself out to be something you wish you were. | ||
| You want people to think you're smart. | ||
| You want people to think you're cool. | ||
| And if you have five minutes, sometimes five minutes is too much in the beginning. | ||
| You really don't deserve five minutes. | ||
| You deserve a minute. | ||
| You deserve one minute. | ||
| There should be a bunch of people doing one minute. | ||
| And there should be belts. | ||
| Like, you're a white belt. | ||
| You just started out. | ||
| Okay, you've been doing comedy six months, eight months. | ||
| Maybe you're ready for your blue belt. | ||
| Depends on how much you're getting on stage. | ||
| And then a couple years after that, now you're a purple belt. | ||
| Now you're opening up for really good comics when they're on the road. | ||
| You know, this guy's in town. | ||
| You're gonna open for him. | ||
| Colin Quinn wants you to open for him. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| Now you're a purple belt. | ||
| Now you start going on the road as a middle act. | ||
| Now you're a brown belt. | ||
| You know, now you might have 20 murderous minutes. | ||
| You know, you might be doing stand-up six, seven years. | ||
| You're a brown belt now. | ||
| And then eventually, you move into headlining. | ||
| And then you get your black belt. | ||
| And then you realize, like, oh, people are coming to see me. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| I gotta go to work. | ||
| You know, they're coming to see me. | ||
| That's a different thing. | ||
| Sit down, you know? | ||
| Like, it has to take... | ||
| Like, I will run away from a conversation if I get an idea. | ||
| Because I know they're slippery. | ||
| They're slippery. | ||
| They slip through your fingers sometimes. | ||
| Sometimes you just have a great idea. | ||
| You're like, my family gets it. | ||
| My wife gets it. | ||
| I go, hang on, I got an idea. | ||
| I have an idea. | ||
| I just have to say, I have an idea, and everybody leaves me around, and I just run away. | ||
| I run away so no one can talk to me. | ||
| And then I grab my phone, and I just start either talking into it, which is the best, because then I can keep it quicker, or I start writing it. | ||
| That's beautiful, bro. | ||
| I've seen you do that, where you just completely... | ||
| You know what Neil Brennan said to me once? | ||
| He said, I think of my notebook as like a net that I catch my ideas in. | ||
| I was like, ooh, ooh, Neil Brennan's a smart motherfucker. | ||
| That's a great, that's a great quote. | ||
| That is. | ||
| Because it's exactly what it is. | ||
| It's a net. | ||
| The moment you do the thing where you're like, oh, you think of something, I'm gonna write it down later, it's gone. | ||
| Bro, you know why I've been thinking about going to Android? | ||
| Because Samsung phones, when you, if you record your sets, it transcribes them. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, with AI. And it'll summarize it for you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Crazy. | |
| Yeah, Brian Simpson's right about that, too. | ||
| He's got that fucking Galaxy phone. | ||
| Tony's always making fun of him. | ||
| And I'm like, Tony, do you understand what that phone can do? | ||
| That phone can translate, like, built into the phone, can translate you talking to a ton of different languages. | ||
| Like, instantaneously translate. | ||
| Why are we still on iPhones? | ||
| Because we're trapped! | ||
| Also, it's a safer operating system. | ||
| That's the thing that I've been really getting into. | ||
| I've been really, like, researching, like, exploits, and I've watched quite a few videos, but I also read a story where they were talking about when they were trying to see, they had an iPhone and an Android phone, and they checked to see which one was contacting foreign servers based on the apps. | ||
| And it was, like, way more the Android. | ||
| The Android was contacting foreign servers way more, contacting China and Russia, and the iPhone one was like one or two a day. | ||
| And it's based on, there's a lot of shit going on that we're not thinking about, right? | ||
| What you're interested in is valuable. | ||
| So if you're scrolling through Google and you're looking at a bunch of different products, you're looking at a bunch of different things, Google gets that information and inserts those ads into your browser. | ||
| So that when you go to a website and you say, like, oh, I was looking at those shoes. | ||
| How are those shoes for sale right here? | ||
| Just click here. | ||
| It tells you the price. | ||
| Oh, what a bargain. | ||
| And you're thinking about it. | ||
| That's valuable, right? | ||
| And so that's what they're constantly trying to scoop up. | ||
| They're trying to scoop up your data. | ||
| They want to know what you're doing, what you're listening to, what you're watching. | ||
| You got Netflix? | ||
| What do you got this? | ||
| You got that? | ||
| You got YouTube Premium? | ||
| What do you got? | ||
| You got money? | ||
| Are you broke? | ||
| You got a Tesla? | ||
| Ooh, you got a Tesla. | ||
| You got a Tesla app. | ||
| So there's all this data that your phone carries. | ||
| And iPhone is pretty good at keeping that data inside your phone. | ||
| They're like a closed system, right? | ||
| Isn't that what they call themselves? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Walled garden. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Android is not so good at that. | ||
| Android is the opposite, it seems like. | ||
| It's got open source, which is really good, so a bunch of different people can make apps. | ||
| But the problem with that is you could get apps that are malware. | ||
| You can get apps that will infect. | ||
| You're a wild motherfucker just downloading every app that's on the Play Store. | ||
| I don't think they do as good a job. | ||
| And I think you can't you sideload on Androids as well? | ||
| So there's pros and cons, man. | ||
| There's pros to, like, if you make an Android app, like, you could just say, you know, why isn't there a fucking app for this? | ||
| And you could design an app that does it and then just throw it up on the Play Store. | ||
| And people could just download it and put it. | ||
| But you could be a criminal. | ||
| And you could put some shit on, you know, either side loading or put some shit on, you know, one of these places where you can download apps. | ||
| And inside that is someone could just steal all your credit card information on your phone. | ||
| If you're using, like, You know Google pay some random Google thing where PayPal or some shit just there's apps that can they can when you sign up for tick-tock they can They know your keystrokes. | ||
| They know all your keystrokes. | ||
| So everything you type it knows Not only that it has access to computers that don't have Tick-tock on them that are on the network So if you have a computer, but your computer doesn't have TikTok, but you have TikTok on your phone, they have access to your computer. | ||
| I know, that sounds crazy. | ||
| That sounds like that couldn't be real. | ||
| Joe, why would they do that? | ||
| I think it's more than them. | ||
| And this is what Adam Curry said. | ||
| Like, Adam Curry was saying, like, this is a TikTok ban. | ||
| He goes, believe me, he goes, the real problem with TikTok is that they're doing a better job of keeping people addicted. | ||
| And that they don't like the idea that China is dominating this social media game. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| TikTok's good. | ||
| It's good. | ||
| They figured out a way to make it very, very, very addictive. | ||
| But They're getting data, constant data, of what you like, what you're interested in, what you get mad about, what you comment on, how you comment, what you like with hearts, what you keep going back to and don't tell anybody about. | ||
| If you look in your search... | ||
| And it's all butts. | ||
| It's all fat butts, baby. | ||
| It's all fat butts. | ||
| That's because you like fat butts. | ||
| And they know you like fat butts. | ||
| Yeah, I look at other people's feeds. | ||
| They're very different than mine. | ||
| If you look in that search area on Instagram, they know me. | ||
| They know what I like. | ||
| Animal attacks. | ||
| Fast cars. | ||
| Dude's getting kicked in the face. | ||
| Nice butts. | ||
| But that data is super, super, super valuable. | ||
| And it's all in like, how does one get access to that data? | ||
| You know, do you get to access through some sneaky backdoor shit, or do you get access the normal way? | ||
| But Apple does a better job of protecting your information, I think. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you know what I think, too, Joe, why we don't want to change? | ||
| It's something about the blue. | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| They got us. | ||
| It's something about, I send a blue to you, and I get a blue back. | ||
| I like that. | ||
| Yeah, we're on the same team. | ||
| We're on the same fucking team. | ||
| Group workout texts and we send we have they have to go green because of fucking Brian Simpson We have multiple chats even though Apple is adopting this RCS platform so RCS it's not platform. | ||
| What would you call it? | ||
| Protocol thank you RCS is What is it called rich something? | ||
| I forget what it stands for. | ||
| But what it basically is is like most of the way to an iMessage, but through text message. | ||
| Because right now in text messaging, rich communication services. | ||
| So that's the standard that everybody else is operating on, that Google's operating on. | ||
| So if I have a Google phone and I text you to a Samsung phone, it will be like that. | ||
| RCS. It's encrypted. | ||
| Green bubbles may not be going anywhere, but there's still hope for a less archaic messaging experience. | ||
| So RCS is now going to be on iPhones with, I think, iOS 18. Is that what it is? | ||
| I think it comes out by the end of the year. | ||
| So by the end of the year, like right now, if Brian sends me a text message and there's a picture in it, that picture's going to look like dog shit. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| It's going to be compressed. | ||
| If he sends me a video, it's nonsense. | ||
| I can't barely see it. | ||
| It's like a little tiny square. | ||
| What the fuck are you sending me, bro? | ||
| I know what you're talking about. | ||
| So we have to go on WhatsApp or Signal. | ||
| And on Signal, he can send me the whole video. | ||
| And I go, okay, I got the video now. | ||
| But there's so many things you can't do. | ||
| The big one is FaceTime. | ||
| FaceTime's big. | ||
| I get random FaceTimes from friends sometimes, and I love it. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| I love it. | ||
| Burt will send me a random one. | ||
| I was hanging with Brian. | ||
| This was a big moment, too. | ||
| It was a cool moment. | ||
| I was hanging with Brian at the Black Keys. | ||
| We went to see the Black Keys at Stubbs. | ||
| And we're chilling backstage in that outside area. | ||
| You know that cool area? | ||
| And we're hanging out with the Black Keys, and Dave Chappelle FaceTimes me. | ||
| So I'm hanging out with Dave, and Dave sees Brian. | ||
| He goes, oh, what's up, dawg? | ||
| And they start talking. | ||
| He goes, hey, I love you, man. | ||
| I think you're really funny. | ||
| So they're going back and forth. | ||
| I'm like, this is amazing. | ||
| Brian is getting recognized by Dave. | ||
| That's awesome. | ||
| And he was beaming afterwards. | ||
| You see, Brian was like... | ||
| I can't imagine. | ||
| It was great! | ||
| I love those fucking random FaceTime calls. | ||
| I love those. | ||
| Bert sends me them all the time. | ||
| I love a random FaceTime call from a friend. | ||
| It's beautiful. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It is nice. | |
| Because I don't like calls from people. | ||
| Random calls from people annoy me. | ||
| Like, why are you calling me, bro? | ||
| Yeah, what do you want? | ||
| A FaceTime, it's usually just something funny. | ||
|
unidentified
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It's usually something fun. | |
| Yeah, or someone cool. | ||
| Cool people. | ||
| Like, when cool people send you a FaceTime, it's like, wow, that's pretty badass. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fucking right. | |
| That's pretty badass. | ||
|
unidentified
|
God. | |
| Days of hell. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He introduced me to you. | ||
| My introduction to Joe Rogan was, Joe Rogan, we're gonna look for a pair of New York boobs. | ||
| I never heard of you before, dawg. | ||
| And then that was, I was like, who the fuck is Joe Rogan? | ||
| You know, that was an accident. | ||
| What? | ||
| I wasn't supposed to be on that. | ||
| Yeah, I was walking down the street and I saw Dave with a fake mustache on. | ||
| I'm like, what are you doing, man? | ||
| I was in New York doing stand-up. | ||
| So I was doing a club. | ||
| And I was walking down the street and I ran into Bobcat Goldwaite. | ||
| You know, Bobcat's the best. | ||
| And Bobcat was directing Dave on his first episode. | ||
| And so Bobcat was there. | ||
| I go, what are you guys doing? | ||
| I go, why does Dave have a fucking mustache? | ||
| He's like, oh, hey, Joe, you want to be on my show? | ||
| I go, what do I have to do? | ||
| He's like, we're going to hand out ribbons for the best New York boobs. | ||
| I go, all right, yeah. | ||
| I go, I got like an hour. | ||
| And then I have to meet some people for dinner and then we're gonna go do my show. | ||
| Yeah, let's do it. | ||
| So for one hour, I walked around with Dave, where I carried around a bunch of buttons, I think? | ||
| Yeah, you were carrying around the ribbons. | ||
| And y'all were just handing them out some big fits. | ||
| And you were just smiling. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Dave has his crazy fake mustache eyes. | |
| This is awesome. | ||
| Looking for great New York boobs. | ||
| Now, I want you to think of this. | ||
| This is 2002, I guess? | ||
| Yeah, has to be. | ||
| 2002 or 2003, whatever. | ||
| I guess two. | ||
| Imagine how crazy different New York is. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| In just 22 years. | ||
| I was there the other day. | ||
| Yeah, this is crazy. | ||
| New York is dangerous now. | ||
| In this same area, look at me with a full head of air. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| Oh, they blurred someone out because they didn't sign the release. | ||
| See that one person with their face blurred out? | ||
| See that? | ||
| No release. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They blurred that lady out. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| They blurred people out. | ||
| I saw his face. | ||
| I know that guy. | ||
| He's like, these shit, too. | ||
| They did a shitty job. | ||
| Oh, that's so good. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look at these guys. | |
| He's got his arm on his tits. | ||
| Jesus, that's illegal now. | ||
| That's illegal now. | ||
| Oh, they would be so mad at me. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Are you kidding me? | ||
| That'd be assault. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That would be slavery. | ||
| That would be everything. | ||
| That would be everything. | ||
| You're going to jail. | ||
| I got one interaction with Dave Chappelle, and I hold on to this forever. | ||
| This is why being a door guy is the best, Joe. | ||
| I'm parking cars one night, and it's my turn. | ||
| I'm waiting to go up in the belly room. | ||
| There's two people in that motherfucker, Joe. | ||
| Two, but I'm waiting. | ||
| It's finally my turn. | ||
| One of my other door guy friends, shout out Matt Lockwood. | ||
| He's bringing me on stage. | ||
| It's only two people in the room. | ||
| He's fucking around. | ||
| This next comic used to sleep on my couch. | ||
| He's a piece of shit. | ||
| I did. | ||
| He smoked all my weed. | ||
| Dave walks in. | ||
| And it's going and going as he's still bringing me up. | ||
| And I'm looking now like, bring me up, bring me up. | ||
| Come on. | ||
| Dave's in the room. | ||
| Bring me up. | ||
| And he keeps going. | ||
| And then Dave goes, all right, I'm going out. | ||
| Dave walks up. | ||
| He's like, my friend's like, oh shit, guys, Dave Chappelle. | ||
| The two people are like, what the fuck? | ||
| He grabs the mic and he goes, I don't know who Derek Poston was, but that nigga's credits were terrible. | ||
| And I'm just like, what the fuck? | ||
| And then I go downstairs, because now we're watching them, and then of course the room's filled up as the night went on. | ||
| It's Dave, and he's there for a couple hours. | ||
| And then I'm downstairs parking cars again, and somebody's like, Dave's looking for you. | ||
| I run back up and Dave's going, you know, yada yada. | ||
| You know, Derek, I'm gonna bring you up. | ||
| You know, you deserve a shot. | ||
| You deserve a chance and all this stuff. | ||
| And I'm like, yo dawg, thank you man. | ||
| He goes, oh shit! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nigga, you black? | |
| I wouldn't have bumped you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I wouldn't have bumped you. | |
| In front of two people. | ||
| By the end though, it was sold out. | ||
| It was crazy. | ||
| I've seen people come in the room. | ||
| And that was just such a... | ||
| Man, I'm so glad that happened. | ||
| A crazy memory. | ||
| Dave is a real artist in that he embraces this process. | ||
| of just exploring things on stage. | ||
| And it's how he writes. | ||
| So people will complain about it. | ||
| They'll complain that he goes for so long. | ||
| I'm like, you don't understand. | ||
| You're watching George St. Pierre lift weights. | ||
| Okay? | ||
| That's what you're watching. | ||
| You're gonna see the fight eventually. | ||
| Right now you're watching George do squats. | ||
| That's what you're watching. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But you're getting a rare opportunity. | ||
| And it's not the same experience, right? | ||
| Like if you see Dave with a tight set, he's filming a Netflix special, he's going to murder. | ||
| He's going to murder, son. | ||
| Murder, murder, murder, murder, death, kill. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right? | |
| But the process of creating that murder, death, kill is like a boiling down process. | ||
| You start off with an idea and Dave will just run that idea raw. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Someone film him and then he goes over it and he pieces it apart and tries to figure out what was good and what was bad and why it worked and why it didn't work. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And to operate on that level of doing it for four hours and doing it at 3 in the morning where it's like, no, they're tired. | ||
| They're done. | ||
| They're beyond tired. | ||
| They've been beat to shit. | ||
| It's 2 a.m. | ||
| But if he can get 10 minutes out of that or five minutes or one minute, it's worth it. | ||
| Because you do 50 of those shows, you've got a new hour. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's the thing. | ||
| I mean, nobody wants a bomb. | ||
| Like, Chris Rock used to do it all the time. | ||
| He used to tell people, like, someone would kill at the store, and Chris would show up, and he would, like, purposely bring the audience down. | ||
| He goes, relax. | ||
| This ain't gonna be very good. | ||
| He would tell them. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| I've seen him once do that, where he, straight up off the notepad, and he was like, I'm going over the skeleton of it right now, guys. | ||
| Like, he was pretty much like, you're getting the bare bones. | ||
| And it was like, whoa. | ||
| Yeah, and that's the way to do it. | ||
| Damon Wayans used to do that too. | ||
| Damon was great at that, man. | ||
| Damon is the most unsung of the greats. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| Yeah, in my opinion. | ||
| I remember Damon's HBO special, The Last Stand, was fucking excellent. | ||
| Excellent, dude. | ||
| And he was one of the first dudes that I saw on stage when I came to LA that was like a famous guy that stopped by. | ||
| I was like, oh shit, Damon Wayans is here. | ||
| Dude, he was excellent. | ||
| Excellent. | ||
| And he would do that, too. | ||
| He would explore ideas. | ||
| He would just go up there and just fuck around for a long-ass time. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And, you know, back then, Damon doesn't get the respect that he deserves. | ||
| He doesn't get the love anymore. | ||
| People don't... | ||
| Because he did sitcoms and shit. | ||
| He kind of got out of the comedy loop. | ||
| Movies. | ||
| Did movies. | ||
| People forgot. | ||
| But, dude, I am telling you, man, when he was on... | ||
| He was a master. | ||
| Very like Chappelle. | ||
| Very much that level. | ||
| Masterful. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Is this during his, like, in living color time, too? | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Bro, Damon Wayans, he's one of the all-time greats. | ||
| He just doesn't get appreciated the way he should. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| My opinion. | ||
| I mean, I've seen these guys live, like, when they were in their prime, and Damon was, he was just so clever and so silly, and he would be laughing. | ||
| It was genuine laughter, and he was having a good-ass time on stage and talking about ridiculous shit. | ||
| He was great, man. | ||
| He was great. | ||
| And he was another one of those guys that would just take his time. | ||
| He would just go up there with some... | ||
| He would show up on fucking Wednesday night, 11 o'clock. | ||
| Oh, Damon's here. | ||
| Damon's going to go up. | ||
| And they'd let him up. | ||
| And there's 15 fucking people in the crowd, and he'll be on stage for an hour. | ||
| For an hour. | ||
| Just fucking around and just trying to come up with bits. | ||
| Trying to find out if there's something there. | ||
| And dig in a little hole so he has to dig himself out. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, trying to laugh at stuff. | ||
| You have an interesting process because you do that to yourself. | ||
| You'll be like, alright, who's the most famous, who are the best comics in the world? | ||
| Let me do an hour and a half of that and then I'll go up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They've been beat to shit by Shane Gillis and Ron White, Tony H. Cliff, Brian Simpson, Hassan Ahmad, and then you go up. | ||
| And it's like, what the fuck? | ||
| It's running with weights on. | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
| Yeah, you run with weights on. | ||
| You gotta hit that stage running. | ||
| You know, I learned that going on after Joey. | ||
| Because Joey, for 15 minutes, Joey Diaz will punch a hole in the space-time. | ||
| Joey Diaz can punch a fucking hole in reality. | ||
| And 15-20 minutes of Joey Diaz is just like following that. | ||
| You gotta come on stage like fully engaged. | ||
| And one of the things you see from guys that tour with soft acts, they tour with like weak opening acts, And that's all the comedy they do. | ||
| They get soft. | ||
| You get soft in like your appreciation for the audience's attention span or soft for... | ||
| Have you made that bit the best that it could be? | ||
| Or is it just adequate? | ||
| Is it working? | ||
| Or is it like optimized? | ||
| Where is it at? | ||
| Is it where you're happy with it? | ||
| Or have you just kind of accepted that's the form it's in because you do it that way every night? | ||
| When you go on after murderers, there's no room for anything but tight. | ||
| Everything has to be tight. | ||
| And you have to be really there and engaged. | ||
| People have seen an hour and a half of comedy before you even go on stage. | ||
| An hour and a half of murderers. | ||
| Murderous! | ||
| Murderous! | ||
| I get so jealous, too. | ||
| I'm sitting in the back like, God damn, why can't I go on now? | ||
| Half an hour in the show, it's hot! | ||
| And it's your show, too! | ||
| You're doing it to yourself! | ||
| That's amazing! | ||
| I think that's the best way to do it. | ||
| It's the best way for me. | ||
| I don't think I've ever been sharper. | ||
| Like, right now, it's sharp. | ||
| And that's what it is. | ||
| I think it's just concentrating. | ||
| It's like everything else, man. | ||
| It's like, how much do you think about it? | ||
| I would say that doing stand-up is, let's say if you have, what is a value? | ||
| Let's give a value of doing stand-up, you give it a value of 100. If you watch yourself do stand-up, that's like 50 or 60. So it's like an extra set almost. | ||
| If you do two watches and one performance, it's like you did two sets. | ||
| That's what I think. | ||
| Listening to it is like 40 or 50. But it's better than zero. | ||
| It's definitely better than zero. | ||
| So if you could force yourself to listen and you force yourself to watch, those add up in terms of the overall amount of effort you've put into what you're doing. | ||
| So it's not just the time you're on stage, but it's also how much do you think about it afterwards? | ||
| Because if you could just grab it after... | ||
| I don't want to do it when I get home. | ||
| When I get home, I want to watch YouTube videos on ancient civilizations. | ||
| I don't want to write. | ||
| But if I force myself, then I get fired up. | ||
| And then once I'm in it, now I get it. | ||
| Now I feel it. | ||
| And if I could force myself to listen to recordings... | ||
| Or watch a recording after I do it, I'm so much more engaged the next time I do it. | ||
| Everything moves up a notch. | ||
| So instead of it being a value of 100, because I just did a show, I did a show and then I listened to it and then I wrote more. | ||
| So now it's almost like I did two shows. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Where you're watching yourself, you're right, because it makes you... | ||
| Completely live the set over again. | ||
| You're doing it again. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And seeing all the holes, seeing the... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you don't have to carry the psychic weight of keeping the set going, right? | ||
| So you have no anticipation. | ||
| You know it already went well. | ||
| I already saw it. | ||
| I was there. | ||
| So let me watch it. | ||
| Like, just chill. | ||
| And just watch and go, why am I saying it like that? | ||
| That's too long. | ||
| I could cut that out. | ||
| Everybody knows what I'm saying. | ||
| Why don't I cut it out? | ||
| Get to it quicker. | ||
| Figure out this, that. | ||
| You learn how to get to things quicker when you work with killers, too. | ||
| One of the things I love about Joey is he sneaks up on you. | ||
| His punchlines sneak up on you. | ||
| Like, you don't know where they're coming, and then they nail you. | ||
| And he's moving fast. | ||
| He's moving fast, so you're not gonna keep up with him already. | ||
| And then on top of that, he's sneaky with how he works in the punchlines. | ||
| It's a great way to describe him. | ||
| Yeah, it's like a economy of words. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Economy of words. | ||
| Joey Diaz is the very best at it. | ||
| I always tell this one joke. | ||
| This is my favorite Joey Diaz joke. | ||
| He goes, I like transvestites. | ||
| They cook, they clean. | ||
| You can beat them every once in a while. | ||
| The cops come. | ||
| Who's gonna believe me or some dude with a wig and a black eye? | ||
| That's a Joey Diaz! | ||
| That's a great point, because it's like, it keeps going. | ||
| But it's also, it's like, it's absurd. | ||
| You know he's not really beating up transvestites. | ||
| You know, it's like, it's not real. | ||
| Like, when he talks about, he'll say the most ridiculous shit, and it's outrageous, and it's exaggerating, but it's part of the fun of the Joey Diaz show. | ||
| You don't think he's really out there beating up transvestites. | ||
| Like, that's, it's like, the whole thing. | ||
| It's like, he's a cartoon. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's a cartoon. | |
| Cartoon character. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| He's so fun, man. | ||
| He's my favorite person to watch ever. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| I think at all... | ||
| I mean, there's great comedians. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| I don't want to say, like, who's the GOAT, because I don't like it. | ||
| I don't like the talk. | ||
| I think we're very fortunate today that we have guys like Chappelle, and Attell, and Shane, and you, and everybody. | ||
| And Tony. | ||
| Schultz. | ||
| Schultz. | ||
| Schultz is killing it right now. | ||
| Murdered on that roast. | ||
| That guy. | ||
| That dude. | ||
| Oh my god, he's so likable too. | ||
| Even when he was shitting all over Dana White, he's got a big smile on his face and he's laughing. | ||
| Oh my god, he's funny. | ||
| And he's a great person too, man. | ||
| He's a great person. | ||
| Like a great human being. | ||
| I look at him like an actual big brother, man. | ||
| He's a beautiful person. | ||
| I love him to death. | ||
| But it's like we're real fortunate that we have all these people together. | ||
| We're real fortunate. | ||
| But for me, where I've laughed, where I can't stay in my seat and I'm on the ground or I'm slapping tables or we're hugging each other, it's Joey. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's Joey. | ||
| Joey hits an RPM that I don't think anybody else hits. | ||
| It's because of who he is, his background, the chaos of his life, this phoenix emerging from the ashes of coke addiction and all that. | ||
| He's just got a wildness and a love about him, too. | ||
| The other thing, he's a loving, beautiful person. | ||
| He hugs everybody. | ||
| He's a beautiful person. | ||
| And when he gets wild on stage, man, there's nothing like it, man. | ||
| It's like a family reunion laugh. | ||
| It's something from your spirit when he gets you laughing. | ||
| Yeah, you love him. | ||
| You want to hug him when you're laughing with him. | ||
| So he was like the best guy to take on the road, too. | ||
| Because it was like the party was with us. | ||
| Everywhere. | ||
| It was a party. | ||
| We're going to nice restaurants. | ||
| We're eating dinner. | ||
|
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|
Joey Diaz is telling stories about robbing people. | |
| Five-star restaurants. | ||
| He could tell you a story about kidnapping a drug dealer with a machine gun and you're fucking crying laughing like oh my god you're not disturbed like why would you do that? | ||
| Did you plan on shooting him? | ||
| Just none of that. | ||
| It's just fun. | ||
| Yeah, the road is where you look. | ||
| I truly think I'm the most lucky dude in comedy right now. | ||
| Ever. | ||
| I mean, my weeks, Joe, I'm with Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, I'm with you, Shane Gillis, Brian Simpson, Ron White, Tony Hatchcliffe. | ||
| And my weekends, I'm with Andrew Schultz. | ||
| And that's it. | ||
| I'm full on in a master class 24-7. | ||
| You're lucky, but you also did all the work to get you to that place. | ||
| You can't just be lucky. | ||
| There's no shortcuts to creating bits. | ||
| They have to be made. | ||
| You have to do them. | ||
| You have to perform. | ||
| You did the work, man. | ||
| If you weren't ready when Tony recommended you to Andrew, it wouldn't have worked. | ||
| You had to have done all that work. | ||
| If you half-stepped at any point in your career, you took time off, you started to try a job for a little bit, you did this, you did that, you got married, you had kids, you can't go on the road now because now you have a mortgage. | ||
| Bro, you went down the path. | ||
| And you could do anything now because now you're in. | ||
| But the beginning is sketchy. | ||
| Man, you're just going. | ||
|
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|
The beginning is touching. | |
| That's what I was saying. | ||
| If I had a 26-year-old today, and they're like, I'm going to go to open mic nights. | ||
| I'm going to start stand-up and be like, Okay. | ||
| All right. | ||
| I'll see you at mile 100. Let's see. | ||
| At mile 100. You say you get a run at ultra marathon. | ||
| You know how many people finish those? | ||
| Two. | ||
| Way more than finish stand-up careers. | ||
| Way more. | ||
| Way, way, way, way, way more. | ||
| Way more. | ||
| Way, way, way, way more people finish 100-mile races that start them. | ||
| Then become a comic that start doing stand-up. | ||
| And finish it. | ||
| I'm realizing this as you're saying it, when you're doing the math in your head, I'm like, yeah, people do finish those races. | ||
| Yeah, they finish them. | ||
| My friend Cam's run like a dozen of them, at least. | ||
| He's probably run 20 of them. | ||
| Goggins, he ran, I think Goggins did something crazy where he ran like 20 of them in a month. | ||
| What was his record? | ||
| He had some crazy fucking record. | ||
| I might be selling it short. | ||
| In a month? | ||
| He just sent me a text message yesterday about how he climbed Mount Everest with his fucking VersaClimber. | ||
| Do you know what a VersaClimber is? | ||
| No. | ||
|
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|
What? | |
| They're horrible. | ||
| We have one out there. | ||
| We have one in the gym. | ||
| It's an amazing workout. | ||
| This one? | ||
| That thing. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| This motherfucker climbed Mount Everest. | ||
| And he sent me an image of it. | ||
| Hold on a second. | ||
| How many days? | ||
| That would take him days, right? | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| What? | ||
| No, he'll do it in one session. | ||
| He's out of his fucking mind, man. | ||
| He did eight 100-mile races in a row. | ||
| That's insane! | ||
| That's insane! | ||
| Over how long? | ||
| I'm trying to see... | ||
| But he did more than that, because over a year, there was some crazy number that he did in one year. | ||
| There's another that says in... | ||
| This is from Ultra Runner Magazine. | ||
| 2005, he decided to take on the Ultra Marathon Challenge, which involved running over 3,100 miles across the United States from San Francisco to New York without taking any days off. | ||
| Jesus, motherfucker. | ||
| A piece that no one had ever achieved before. | ||
| Did he do it? | ||
| I'm trying to find that out because I was trying to answer both questions at the same time. | ||
| That seems like you died before you finished that. | ||
| Despite, however, never running more than 13 miles prior to this challenge, she completed it in just over 65 days. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ha! | |
| What the fuck, man? | ||
| 13 miles! | ||
| That's all he'd ever done. | ||
| What the fuck, man? | ||
| He ran across the whole country. | ||
| By the way, he did it with destroyed knees. | ||
| His knees are all fucked up. | ||
| His knees are like, he's got no cartilage and shit. | ||
| From being a SEAL? From all sorts of things. | ||
| I think he was born with, like, one of his knees was kind of fucked up, like, malformed. | ||
| And then the years and years and years of punishment. | ||
| Yeah, injuries from being a SEAL, from going through BUDS, just from the years of training. | ||
| Like, his knees are destroyed. | ||
| They're destroyed. | ||
| He's had crazy operations on his knees. | ||
| Is that him? | ||
| That was 100 miles. | ||
| Look how jacked he was back then. | ||
| Damn, son. | ||
| Look at that fucking build. | ||
| Shoulders. | ||
| Dude. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Littleton, no food. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| He finished the race in 19 hours on broken legs and in kidney failure. | ||
| There's also that story where he was doing one and he went off track, and so he got off pace, and then the next day he woke up and did it again. | ||
| Bro, look how jacked he was there. | ||
| Kidney failure can kill you, right? | ||
| 100%. | ||
|
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|
What the fuck? | |
| Bro, look how jacked he looks. | ||
|
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|
Jesus Christ, I'm jealous. | |
| I don't want to be built like that. | ||
| That's ridiculous. | ||
|
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|
He looks like fucking Yo Romero. | |
| He looks incredible. | ||
| I'm jealous. | ||
| I'm jealous of that body. | ||
| Do you know who's jacked? | ||
| Who? | ||
| I met 50 Cent this weekend. | ||
| Oh, 50 Cent's a big fella. | ||
| Remember when he was young? | ||
| Rock. | ||
| He would be on stage shirtless. | ||
| Shredded. | ||
| I was looking at him too like, I think 50 Cent is 50. And he's fucking shredded. | ||
| Yeah, he's a big fella. | ||
| Boy, this whole rap world, the rap beef. | ||
| I'm glad I'm ignorant to it. | ||
| I'm on the outside. | ||
| People keep bringing it up and Tony keeps trying to play it in the green room. | ||
| I'm like, no, no, no, no. | ||
| You're not dragging me into this nonsense. | ||
| No, at this point, I've never seen a rap beat like this. | ||
| The back and forth, I saw Drake release another one yesterday, because they've gone back and forth now four times a piece. | ||
| So does someone have to tap out here? | ||
| Is this to the death? | ||
| I saw a great comment that said, at this point, these niggas are just doing an album together. | ||
| Like, after eight songs, you're going back and forth. | ||
| That would be the way to wrap it up. | ||
| That's what you do. | ||
| To break bread, hug it out, go, well, you got me with that one. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You got me with that one. | |
| Let's put it out as an album. | ||
| I mean, but it's... | ||
| I'm not gonna lie, because I love both these guys. | ||
| This is my era of rap, so I love these guys, man. | ||
| Him, J. Cole, Drake, Kendrick. | ||
| But, Joe, it is pointing out, it's so personal, the things they're saying, because, you know, he's calling them a pedophile in the song, literally. | ||
| Kendrick's calling Drake a pedophile and all this stuff and you have an illegitimate daughter. | ||
| Brian has such a good joke. | ||
| As he said, you have an illegitimate daughter, you're a pedophile, you grew women. | ||
| And then Drake's comeback was, I don't have an 11-year-old daughter. | ||
| And Brian said, hey, bro, address the other shit. | ||
| Nobody gives a fuck about the... | ||
| What? | ||
| He called you a pedophile, man. | ||
| Yeah, a dad is not a bad thing to be, buddy. | ||
| That's okay. | ||
| When you hear the rest of the song... | ||
| I mean, but it's to that point where it's like, well, okay, what is this, man? | ||
| This is... | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| This is crazy. | ||
| Tupac just did it once. | ||
| Hey man, I fucked your wife, fat fuck. | ||
| Alright. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| Yeah, that was it. | ||
| And then there was Nas and Jay-Z. The ether. | ||
| Yep, Jay-Z said his shit. | ||
| Nas ethered him. | ||
| Jay-Z said, I'm done. | ||
| And then they made up, right? | ||
| They're friends now. | ||
| They're friends now. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So that can happen. | ||
| It can happen. | ||
| But I've never seen nothing like this. | ||
| The back and forth to this extreme is like, man, it kind of sucks. | ||
| There was the early days of Ice Cube and Eazy-E. That was great. | ||
| Yeah, that was real beef. | ||
| That was probably first beef. | ||
| And then there was Tim Dogg and N.W.A. Fuck Compton. | ||
| You don't know about Fuck Compton. | ||
| This is before your time. | ||
| Tim Dogg was good, man. | ||
| Tim Dogg, he was good. | ||
| But Tim Dogg was a guy who, unfortunately, kind of... | ||
| His identity became the man who went after N.W.A. when everyone was scared of N.W.A. And everybody was scared of Compton. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He was a crazy New York dude. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| You never heard of Tim Dogg? | ||
| I've never heard of Tim Dogg. | ||
| Show me some Tim Dogg. | ||
| Because I love fucking... | ||
| I mean, I love rap so much. | ||
| And I love beef. | ||
| But Tim Dogg did the scariest thing. | ||
| He went after N.W.A. Well, in the prime of N.W.A.? Back row days. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| And when everyone was scared of him. | ||
| It was just all guns and... | ||
| Ruthless records. | ||
| Raiders hats. | ||
| Yeah, that's Tim Dog. | ||
| Oh, that's so New York, the fucking chains like that? | ||
| Go back to... | ||
| What was the name of the album? | ||
| Something on wax? | ||
| Click on that. | ||
| That's the album. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I just picked it because it was a good picture of him. | |
| Penicillin on wax. | ||
| That's the name of his CD. It's good, man. | ||
| It's good. | ||
| Like, he was a really good rapper. | ||
| But the thing was, like, if that's how you break out, then your identity gets connected to beefing with these very famous rappers. | ||
| Where I think, like, if he just went, like, The Cool G Rap way. | ||
| Just did his own shit. | ||
| People would just love him for his own shit. | ||
| But he went after N.W.A. That's all you're known for. | ||
| You're in trouble. | ||
| I mean, Nas ethered Jay-Z. We all were there for that. | ||
| That happened. | ||
| And Jay-Z's still Jay-Z. Yeah, Jay-Z's still Jay-Z, but Nas is the fucking man. | ||
| I was listening to Rewind the other day while we were playing Pool. | ||
| I was like, God damn, that song is genius. | ||
| Man. | ||
| It's genius. | ||
| Joe, literally, I got to do The Garden with Schultz this past weekend, and I took the subway to the show because I wanted to feel it. | ||
| I wanted to be in New York, put on Illmatic. | ||
| Oh, yeah! | ||
| Fucking New York State of Mind. | ||
|
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|
Joe, I was ready to go, bro. | |
| Oh, my God. | ||
| On the subway, listen to that beat. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| And what year is that? | ||
| What year are we talking about? | ||
| 92, 93? | ||
| I could be wrong. | ||
| 92, 93. Damn. | ||
| He's the best lyricist, in my opinion. | ||
| He's number one. | ||
| Kendrick Lamar is too, but Naz is the man. | ||
| For me, for my money, first of all, I'm old, so I like that 90s rap. | ||
| Yeah, but it's also like, for me, Naz was one of the first guys that I would listen to him and I was like, ooh. | ||
| The ugly face joke! | ||
| These fucking lyrics are so tight, man. | ||
| I love lyrics, man. | ||
| I love someone who's really fucking good at piecing together a story. | ||
| And that's why Rewind is so good. | ||
| Not only is it a great story, he does it backwards. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| It's fucking crazy, Joe. | ||
| That is basically like pulling out your 14-inch dick and just laying it on the dinner table. | ||
| Like, what's up? | ||
| Every other rapper. | ||
| Everybody shut the fuck up. | ||
| That's made of song backwards. | ||
| And it's a perfect story. | ||
| And it's murderous. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And it makes sense. | ||
| It's genius. | ||
| And you make sure you want to listen to it again because you're like... | ||
| Bro, and even his new shit, he put out an album like two years ago. | ||
| It's banging, man. | ||
| It's banging. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Just old school, 90s hip-hop, still not lost any of the pace, you know? | ||
| No, yeah, and he did it with one of the new best producers. | ||
| Oh my god, I can't think of his name. | ||
| Fucking slip in my name. | ||
| The same guy, he made the beat for like Niggas in Paris and stuff. | ||
| But he's like, I like that he's still in the game. | ||
| Yeah, bro, when you hear hip-hop is dead, if you're anywhere, you hear... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Come on! | |
| Let's go! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Let's go! | |
| He's got some bangers over the years, man. | ||
| Some real bangers, man. | ||
| I do notice hanging out with you, you do like lyrics. | ||
| Whether it be rap or anything, it's what the person's kind of talking about usually that gets you going. | ||
| I just love clever lyrics like I love a clever joke. | ||
| It's the same kind of shit. | ||
| We always listen to Cool G Rap and Brand New Heavies, that Death Threat song. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Don't, don't, don't, don't. | ||
| When that song starts popping, you're like, ooh! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ooh! | |
| Let's go. | ||
| My favorite one you play, it's not even a rap, but you got me into country. | ||
| People say I got a drink and problem. | ||
| That shit! | ||
| That's a great song. | ||
| One of my favorite Green Remembers show, you had it playing, and Shane's got a Bud Light in his hand, he's sitting there, and he's like, Joe, this song is making me sad. | ||
| I look over to you, and you're like, people say I got... | ||
| You just kept dancing, and Shane's like... | ||
| Bro, I think about that shit. | ||
| It just makes me laugh. | ||
| Well, our Green Room playlist is so interesting because there's so many different kinds of music in it. | ||
| And it's like, it's all random, so it's all randomized. | ||
| So it'll just one Janis Joplin out of nowhere. | ||
| You don't even know you wanted to hear that, but you hear that beginning of Take a Little Peace of My Heart. | ||
| Like, oh, shit, baby, sing. | ||
| Sing, baby. | ||
| Hot White Cum Lady. | ||
| Oh, my God, that's a crazy song. | ||
| Liz Phair, yeah. | ||
| I love her. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That song Hot White Cum is crazy. | ||
| That song is crazy because she was a huge artist when she made that song. | ||
| What era of times was that? | ||
| That was so nuts. | ||
| 2000-ish? | ||
| Early 2000s? | ||
| 2003? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I remember hearing that song like, Jesus. | ||
| Keep that lady away from me. | ||
| She's too wild. | ||
| That's a wild lady to be that famous singing that song. | ||
| She's cool as fuck, too. | ||
| I had her on the podcast. | ||
| Really? | ||
| She's cool as fuck. | ||
| Very cool. | ||
| We got high together. | ||
| It was fun. | ||
| We were getting high with Liz Fair, but she was just cool. | ||
| Just fun. | ||
| Fun person. | ||
| Fun person to talk to. | ||
| You know, most artists, like, they got something inside of them. | ||
| There's something going on in there. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And it's fun to hang with. | ||
| Like Jelly Roll, he's fun to hang with. | ||
| Gary? | ||
| Gary Clark, yeah. | ||
| He's so fun to hang with. | ||
| He's just the coolest. | ||
| He's a real artist. | ||
| Gary locks himself in his studio for like 18 hours. | ||
| Drives his wife crazy. | ||
| Drives everybody crazy. | ||
| He's just sitting there smoking weed, drinking whiskey, and just playing music. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Damn. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| He goes for it. | ||
| Sometimes I'll text him and he's like, I'm in the middle of everything, man. | ||
| I like that. | ||
| I like to do it like that, man. | ||
| Just lock in completely. | ||
| They do things so much different than us because they can create in a vacuum. | ||
| You know, you can create a song in a vacuum. | ||
| You could be by yourself, and you create a banger of a song. | ||
| We can't really do that. | ||
| We need it. | ||
| Because in your head, you can hear the joke sometimes, you're like, I'm pretty sure this will go, but you're not. | ||
| You need the audience. | ||
| You need to know. | ||
| It's like you need a translator. | ||
| You kind of get it, but you need to... | ||
| Am I saying this right? | ||
| You need to have someone translate the words to the crowd that speaks a different language. | ||
| With music, I envy that, that they could practice on their own. | ||
| They could just sit alone. | ||
| But even then, I think performing live is a different animal. | ||
| Have you read Malcolm Gladwell's book, The Outliers? | ||
| I bought it. | ||
| I haven't read it yet, but I do have it. | ||
| It's good to read. | ||
| It's good to listen to too. | ||
| I've listened to the audiobook. | ||
| The audiobook is amazing because Malcolm reads it and He talks about the Beatles when they were in Germany. | ||
| So the Beatles went away They left Liverpool they go to Germany and Hamburg and they're doing shows like every night every night They're doing like six seven nights a week. | ||
| They're doing shows like hours and hours and hours They come back two years later and everybody's like what the fuck happened? | ||
| How are you guys so good? | ||
| What the fuck happened? | ||
| It's because these guys were tight. | ||
| Tight as a drum. | ||
| Just constantly, constantly doing shows. | ||
| Just constantly working on it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Damn. | |
| I've heard Kobe say that. | ||
| If you work out every day at 9 a.m. | ||
| and then you work out again at 4 p.m., that's like a regular NBA player. | ||
| But what I'm doing is I'm waking up at 3 a.m. | ||
| And then I'm working out then, and then I'm gonna work out again at 6 a.m. | ||
| And then I'm gonna work out again at 9 a.m. | ||
| So by the time you got your first workout, I got in 3. And he said, and after I do that for years, I'm the best player in basketball. | ||
| And it's like... | ||
| And he was right. | ||
| He was right. | ||
| It literally just worked. | ||
| That's all it was. | ||
| He wasn't like, oh no, those guys were better than me. | ||
| Completely. | ||
| Born better, all that. | ||
| But I outworked them. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| I think that's the case with everything. | ||
| I think that's the case with music. | ||
| I think that's the case with sports. | ||
| Up until the point where you're being detrimental to your body with sports. | ||
| Because I think you definitely can overuse. | ||
| You could work out too hard where your body's just too broken down and then you start getting injured. | ||
| That's real possible. | ||
| Because at a certain point in time, you're putting in too much work for your biology to heal the sessions. | ||
| For fighting, that must be the hardest. | ||
| To judge that. | ||
| That's the toughest thing in all of athletics, in my opinion, is like world championship fighting. | ||
| Because just getting into the octagon without an injury. | ||
| Good luck. | ||
| Everybody's hurt. | ||
| You gotta fight to get ready. | ||
| That's the crazy part. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You gotta fight. | ||
| And guys get staph infections, tweaked knees, fucked up backs, and rib injuries. | ||
| And they fight with those things. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, they fight. | ||
| They fight all fucked up. | ||
| Now you always hear that like after a guy wins, they'll be like, and I won with like Priera, I won with a broken, he had a broken toe. | ||
| The fuck? | ||
| The fuck? | ||
| Got kicked in the nuts. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| Yeah, those guys are always hurt. | ||
| How about Benoit Saint-Denis? | ||
| He had a fucking staph infection on his head when he fought Dustin Poirier and he couldn't, he knew he had like one good round in him. | ||
| So he just went after Dustin the first round, tried to take him out and then he got knocked out in the second round. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Damn. | |
| And then afterwards, he was saying that the staph infection just drained him. | ||
| There was nothing left. | ||
| And that's what happens. | ||
| Is that the one where Dustin kept trying to do the guillotine? | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| God, that was the best. | ||
| Where he said William Montgomery. | ||
| And I'm never going to stop! | ||
| I ain't never going to stop, Joe! | ||
| That's how big Kill Tony is. | ||
| Fighters after winning a fight is thinking about William fucking Montgomery. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know. | |
| It's crazy. | ||
| Kill Tony has emerged, man. | ||
| It's emerged. | ||
| When Tony was on the cover of Variety magazine, I was like, whoa. | ||
| That's undeniable. | ||
| That's undeniable. | ||
| I do wonder because it's like, man, what? | ||
| It's only going to get bigger because I don't think that show is at a like, oh, I think that show is like, this might be the beginning of what this show might be. | ||
| Oh, it's not nearly where it's going to be. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's going to be even bigger. | ||
| It's going to continue to grow. | ||
| I thought Tony's like, bro, you're going to have some open mic or doing their first set in that goddamn football stadium in Texas. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, legitimately. | ||
| Yeah, easily. | ||
| It could be that. | ||
| And also, when they do a live show, you know, they put on a production. | ||
| I mean, there's a lot going on, you know. | ||
| They had Jelly Roll singing, you know. | ||
| Jelly Roll is a crazy comedy fan. | ||
| He was at the Mothership this weekend. | ||
| He went there to hang out with Steve Byrne. | ||
| When we were in Nashville, he pulled up, just came to the show. | ||
| We were at the Grand Ole Opry, and he came out and sang some songs with us. | ||
| It was like, damn, we're singing Garth Brooks with Jelly Roll at the Grand Ole Opry. | ||
| Tony told me that he took him out to clubs afterwards, and that they were playing, and Tony would play the drums, and Jelly Roll was singing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He sang Simple Man. | ||
| With Tony on drums. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Can you imagine you're just at some bar in Nashville, just hanging out, and Jelly Roll rolls up, and he goes on stage and sings a Leonard Skinner song with Tony Hinchcliffe playing the drums. | ||
| Sounds like a fucking Mad Lib. | ||
| Doesn't even sound real. | ||
| Doesn't even sound real. | ||
| And Tony came into these like, what kind of life are we living? | ||
| He goes, how is this real? | ||
| Man, I be thinking that shit. | ||
| All the time. | ||
| I do too. | ||
| I can't... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, I think it all the time. | ||
| It doesn't make any sense. | ||
| Just this week, Joe, it went with Matt Square Garden, Matt Square Garden here to do this pod. | ||
| These three days have been like, what the fuck? | ||
| Yeah, what the fuck? | ||
| What the fuck, man? | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| Just from an open mic? | ||
| Just from deciding to do an open mic one night 12 years ago in Memphis, Tennessee? | ||
| Staying on the path. | ||
| How many years has it been now? | ||
| 12. Just been 12. Staying on the path. | ||
| It's just staying on the path. | ||
| That's the thing. | ||
| It's just staying on the path. | ||
| Stay on the path. | ||
| Yeah, that's just like what Kobe Bryant was saying. | ||
| Same thing. | ||
| Work. | ||
| Yeah, just get in that work. | ||
| Stay on the path. | ||
| And the difference between the guys who work and the guys who just kind of half-ass it, like, we've seen guys come through that they have one foot in and one foot out. | ||
| You can see it. | ||
| Yeah, you see it. | ||
| You see it when they bomb, too. | ||
| Ooh, you see it when they bomb. | ||
| It's like, oh, you're not doing this. | ||
| You're not getting up. | ||
| You're not really getting up. | ||
| And you're not really putting yourself around the best comedies you can put yourself around. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You can see it. | ||
| Either they're your openers or whatever it is, but you're not around it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you're all in your head. | ||
| You're not free. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Those guys that are free, like Attell. | ||
| Attell's free. | ||
| He's free when he's up there. | ||
| He's free. | ||
| Shane's free. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's like a place that you can get to. | ||
| Everybody can get there. | ||
| If you're good, if you can get laughs, you can get there. | ||
| You just need to keep working on it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But that's the thing. | ||
| It really is. | ||
| It's a skill that can be developed. | ||
| It's not as simple as you're either talented or you're not. | ||
| It's like, yeah, you have to have something. | ||
| Like there's some people that just, they can't make anybody laugh ever. | ||
| They're just not funny. | ||
| They're just not funny. | ||
| I've seen these people. | ||
| And usually they're mentally ill. | ||
| Usually the people that aren't funny, but that try really hard to be funny, they're usually like really mentally ill. | ||
| And some of them, somehow or another, develop careers. | ||
| Like, they have, like, a modicum of a career. | ||
| But if you, like, go to their Instagram, it's all weird, like, signaling. | ||
| It's all pretending you're something. | ||
| It's like this weird thing where they're just trying to, like... | ||
| Find something that sticks. | ||
| They're like a formless jellyfish trying to pretend that it's a tree. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| There's something about them that's like weird. | ||
| But if they look the right way and they say the right things, they can kind of eke out some bizarre existence where they can pretend that they're a comedian. | ||
| And it can last for years. | ||
| Some of them stick around. | ||
| They host shows. | ||
| They do things. | ||
| It's like, what are you doing? | ||
| That is the one thing I did love about sports is that you can't pretend fight. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You can't pretend to hit a baseball, Joe. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| You got to hit the baseball. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Period. | ||
| But you do have fighters that are professional fighters that are not good. | ||
| Yeah, like in boxing, there's guys that they will call because they know this guy's a dumbass, and they'll fight Mike Tyson. | ||
| I mean, that's how they built Mike Tyson's career. | ||
| They took a bunch of guys who are kind of like, you know, they're not Kobe Bryant mentality. | ||
| You know, they're kind of like just sort of professionally boxing and losing a bunch. | ||
| And maybe they have losing records, like a lot of them have. | ||
| Like, they've lost more than they've won. | ||
| But they're a professional boxer, and they're willing to fight this 19-year-old kid from Brownsville. | ||
| It's gonna take your fucking head off And so that's how they get that's from hell from hell look at board. | ||
| Yeah, so that that's how they develop Like careers and so with stand-up you get those guys too because some comics they like weak comics going on in front of them So they'll take this person who's like barely Should be a comedian They really barely should be doing stand-up. | ||
| And they'll have them open in front of a crowd and torture this audience so they can come on stage 20 minutes later and look like a hero. | ||
| Be the hero. | ||
| This looks totally unchallenged. | ||
| So smooth and polished and so confident. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That shit. | ||
| Yeah, so you have that weirdness in anything, even in fighting. | ||
| You have that weirdness where someone's kind of, they're doing it, but they're kind of like half doing it. | ||
| And they can still have a career, though. | ||
| Kind of, sort of. | ||
| But same thing. | ||
| They're not making any real money. | ||
| You're just kind of getting by. | ||
| Or even just a lasting impression. | ||
| I like... | ||
| Because there are some comments you can tell that they operate outside of the world of peers. | ||
| They operate kind of on their own. | ||
| And they don't... | ||
| I like the idea of my peers thinking I'm funny and being in this group that we have and everyone making each other better. | ||
| But you can tell some comics don't want to operate in that world. | ||
| I think they get isolated. | ||
| And usually they get isolated by success. | ||
| And especially if they're old school guys, because the old school guys, people did root for your downfall. | ||
| And if they didn't come up with us in the store, which is, I think, the first time where that sort of attitude of camaraderie really got polished and developed. | ||
| It existed in small pockets where they had friends. | ||
| But there's so many stories of one friend getting something and the other friend turning on them because they were jealous. | ||
| There's so many. | ||
| With guys that we know. | ||
| Super famous. | ||
| They've done podcasts about it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So there was always that, you know, but I think when some guys make it and then they start doing touring in clubs and then doing theaters, they just bring their opening act everywhere. | ||
| So they have an opening act that they work with. | ||
| They bring that person everywhere and they rarely do sets in town and then they become isolated and then you become like an island. | ||
| I refer to these people as islands. | ||
| Great. | ||
| You know exactly what I'm talking about. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Islands. | ||
| They're islands. | ||
| And so they're not connected to the mainland. | ||
| And so there's a sadness to that existence. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| It's not good. | ||
| And you can tell they act like... | ||
| You can see it on them. | ||
| They like to pretend like they don't care. | ||
| But it's like, I think you do. | ||
| I think when you lay your head down at night, you want... | ||
| Friends, bro. | ||
| I like that we work out together. | ||
| I like that we are all friends outside of this as well. | ||
| I like that feeling. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's everything. | ||
| It's a big part of it. | ||
| The clubhouse. | ||
| It's a big part of why it's so entertaining and why it's so fun. | ||
| We're laughing as much in the room as we are watching people on stage. | ||
| In that room, everybody's free. | ||
| Everybody knows everybody loves them. | ||
| It's free. | ||
| When everyone walks in, everybody hugs each other. | ||
| That's my favorite. | ||
| Yo, Ron will come in, and then Tony comes in, and we're all like, oh! | ||
| And everybody just immediately starts talking shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Man, bro. | ||
| We're very, very, very, very lucky. | ||
| Very lucky. | ||
| The luckiest show. | ||
| But we also did the thing. | ||
| We actually took the chance, and we came out here. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Fucking 49ers. | ||
| That's what I feel like. | ||
| I think the universe wanted it to happen. | ||
| I know that sounds corny. | ||
| I know that sounds ridiculous. | ||
| I know that sounds like new-agey. | ||
| I don't know how everything else could have lined up so perfectly. | ||
| If you had... | ||
| If you had a calculation to what are the odds of a new comedy scene emerging in the middle of the country and emerging in a way that all the young people are moving here, all the young people that want to have a career, and then have it connected to something like Kill Tony, which is the very best platform ever for someone to develop a career. | ||
| If you have a good few minutes, you can go on Kill Tony and you could become a real, look at Cam Patterson. | ||
| Look at Cam Patterson, baby. | ||
| Look at Cam Patterson. | ||
| Look at Cam motherfucking Patterson. | ||
| Killing it. | ||
| Every week. | ||
| New Minute. | ||
| Killing it. | ||
| Killing it. | ||
| Monster. | ||
| Killing it when Tucker Carlson was on. | ||
| Just killing it. | ||
| Just killing it. | ||
| All the time. | ||
| You can develop a career. | ||
| Look at William Montgomery. | ||
| Killing it. | ||
| Headlining on the road. | ||
| Casey Rocket. | ||
| All these guys. | ||
| You could really develop a career. | ||
| And the way the club is set up, I almost called it the store, the way the mothership is set up, it's like you have a real path. | ||
| Like guys will take you on the road. | ||
| You do get spots. | ||
| If you're a door person, people will watch you. | ||
| If you're coming up, people will watch you. | ||
| And you can't think you deserve more than you get either. | ||
| Like, everybody gets what they deserve. | ||
| It's just, it's a long-ass fucking brutal process. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| But you have a possibility. | ||
| There's a path. | ||
| There's a real path. | ||
| The light, it's lit. | ||
| You know, you can... | ||
| Not everybody finishes that 100-mile race, but you can get on that path. | ||
| Not everybody finishes that 100-mile race. | ||
| No, it's brutal, man. | ||
| Especially in that stage. | ||
| The stage where you got like five good minutes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| This is what you're banking your life on. | ||
| Like, oh my god. | ||
| I could've gone to school. | ||
| I could've had a healthcare plan. | ||
| I could've had a Lexus. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck! | |
| Fuck, fuck, fuck! | ||
| Fuck all that shit. | ||
| Yeah, fuck. | ||
| Fuck, dude. | ||
| I wish we could sometimes gamble on comedy. | ||
| If I had stock, man, I'd put it in Cam Patterson. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Right when I saw him. | ||
| I was like, oh, that's one of them things? | ||
| He's one of them things that is very rare, I think. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Where it's 100%. | ||
| Where it's 100%. | ||
| No, that's 100%. | ||
| Buy it. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| That's 100%. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| Yeah, there's guys where you're like, man, I don't know. | ||
| Like William in the beginning, I'm like, I don't know if this is going to work out. | ||
| Because it's so crazy. | ||
| It's just like, what is going on? | ||
| But now, it's like 100%. | ||
| Now, if you were an early adopter of William Montgomery stock, you'd be like, wow, I fucking called that bitch. | ||
| Yeah, Tony's a rich man. | ||
| Yeah, that's a hard one to call. | ||
| But Ken Patterson is one of those few, I mean, I wasn't around for Eddie Murphy, but that's how I look at him. | ||
| I'm like, man, you really are special, man. | ||
| You are a special dude. | ||
| Well, he's just so friendly in real life and so silly. | ||
| And authentically him. | ||
| Yep, authentically him. | ||
| And he could do that on stage. | ||
| And that exercise of doing a new minute every week is crazy. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's crazy. | |
| Could you imagine doing it? | ||
| Five years in, Joe? | ||
| So hard to do, man. | ||
| So hard to do. | ||
| Kim Congdon and Sarah Weinshank, they were like the first to do it. | ||
| Kim's killing it out there. | ||
| They're both killing it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And they're out here all the time, too. | ||
| That's the coolest thing, is to see how many people decided to join us. | ||
| But if you had to put odds on that, what are the odds? | ||
| The odds are like... | ||
| Fucking million to one like what are the what are the possibilities that all those things are going to happen in that order? | ||
| You know Spotify Pandemic The George Floyd come out here Everyone's cool do indoor shows Everything's locked down everywhere else. | ||
| Everyone's at a job all the employees of the comic store all fired No one has jobs. | ||
| No, there's no club You can hire people bring them out here and everybody starts coming Like, what are you guys doing? | ||
| What are y'all up to? | ||
| That's what it felt like. | ||
| What the fuck are y'all up to over here? | ||
| Come join. | ||
| That's what it feels like. | ||
| Not like real cool, but it does feel like, man, it's our, it's our, like, family, bro. | ||
| It's our, it's the people who came early. | ||
| It does feel that way. | ||
| And it can help shape the way comedy is done in the whole country because it's done for the comedians. | ||
| It's a club that's set up for the comedians and recognize that the comedians are the reason why people are there. | ||
| They're not just there to buy drinks. | ||
| They're not just there because the club is cool. | ||
| They're there for the talent. | ||
| So give the talent money. | ||
| And you pay. | ||
| First thing I did... | ||
| Oh, bro, I've never had money, Joe, but the first thing I did, brother, I took all the door guys to get sushi. | ||
| We balled the fuck out. | ||
| I ain't never... | ||
| That's the most money I've ever spent on anything, Joe. | ||
| And I'm talking about... | ||
| I spent the whole check I got on sushi for the boys. | ||
| Oh, that's awesome. | ||
| And that never... | ||
| Oh, it felt great. | ||
| Hey, Whitney was there with your wife was there, too. | ||
| Literally, Whitney and your wife were there. | ||
| Whitney's like, what are y'all doing here? | ||
| They're like, we're about to get some fucking sushi. | ||
| She was like, Joe Rogan's fucking paying y'all. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm making it's like oh no, man. | |
| That's that's my favorite thing though Rose being able to have money and just go out with the door guys and be able to pay for dinner Like they don't have to pay for dinner, right? | ||
| I could pay for dinner. | ||
| No, that's nice. | ||
| It's nice. | ||
| Whoo Yeah, it's nice that you feel that way too. | ||
| That's what's important that you want to do that That's what's important and it makes everybody feel good people do it for me. | ||
| So it's like, man, the idea of how nice. | ||
| And I know what it's like to just be like, man, bro, it's either not eat tonight or eat like a McDonald's thing or Derek's taking us to get a steak. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Let's go. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| When we first started doing that, I remember Ari was like super poor. | ||
| I would take him on the road and be like, we're going to order. | ||
| I'm like, order whatever the fuck you want, man. | ||
| Let's go. | ||
| Let's have some steaks. | ||
| Let's get a bottle of wine. | ||
| Let's have fun. | ||
| Yeah, it's like... | ||
| Did anyone ever do that for you, Joe? | ||
| Or did you just start doing that? | ||
| No, I just started doing that. | ||
| Nobody took me on the road. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, I had a couple guys that I opened for in the early days. | ||
| Like, Lenny Clark was the big one. | ||
| Because Lenny Clark, I opened for Lenny. | ||
| I'd been doing comedy for one year. | ||
| And, uh, Mark Clark just started, uh, he tried me out at this one place. | ||
| It was called Jay's in Pittsfield, Massachusetts. | ||
| And Lenny was just coming off of the HBO Young Comedian Special with Rodney. | ||
| Wasn't like Sam Kinison? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes! | |
| Whoa! | ||
| So Lenny was, and Lenny was a legend in Boston. | ||
| So, and Lenny was like, kid, you're funny! | ||
| He goes, I fucking loved it! | ||
| He was like, talking to me about different bits. | ||
| It was real fun. | ||
| And so to me, that was like a giant boost that I got from Lenny Clark. | ||
| I was like, holy shit, this is incredible. | ||
| And then I became friends with Lenny, and so I would, you know, I did quite a few shows with Lenny in Boston, in and around Boston, but nobody ever took me on the road. | ||
| No, I came out here to LA, came out there to LA, and I started doing the store, and I was mostly just doing the store, and then Dice told me I should do the road. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Andrew Dice Clay. | ||
| Dice told me in the back of the Comedy Store. | ||
| Dice is always cool to me. | ||
| And he was always one of those ones where I just couldn't believe I was talking to Dice. | ||
| I was like, this is just so weird. | ||
| I was listening to his cassette in my car when I was 19 years old. | ||
| I remember this girl I was dating. | ||
| We were howling loud. | ||
| We're sitting in front of my house. | ||
| I'll never forget. | ||
| I can picture the scene. | ||
| We're sitting in front of my house in the car. | ||
| And we're both like, ah! | ||
| Ow! | ||
| Just crying, laughing. | ||
| And then all of a sudden, I'm in the parking lot of the comedy store, and Dice is giving me advice. | ||
| He's like, you should do the road. | ||
| I'm like, really? | ||
| He's like, yeah. | ||
| He goes, you don't need these fucking jerk-offs to tell you where your money comes from. | ||
| Do the road. | ||
| He goes, you'll have a real career. | ||
| You'll always have that. | ||
| He goes, you can make a lot of money out there. | ||
| I was like, yeah, I should do the road. | ||
| So I had just been doing the store. | ||
| I had done the road when I lived in New York, because that's how you made a living. | ||
| I would go places, I'd go to Connecticut and Jersey, I'd do road gigs, do weekends places. | ||
| That's how I was making money. | ||
| But then when I came to LA, I was basically just doing the comedy store and the lab factory and working on Sitcom news radio. | ||
| Yeah, and then dice is like you should do the road and I was like I should do the road and then I started going on the road. | ||
| So I was headline So Wow, I didn't so I just took guys from the store So I realized early on like this is like when I really had a really hard time following Joey But I realized that Joey was so funny that if I knew that if I could follow him I was like this would like really pick up my comedy because he's so hard to follow it was so scary I can't imagine, though. | ||
| But I was like, this is the only way to do it because I knew that Joey didn't want a headline. | ||
| Joey was crazy back then. | ||
| Joey was so wild that I started hiring Ari to come with us as well in case Joey didn't show up. | ||
| So if Joey showed up, it was a three-man show. | ||
| And if Joey didn't show up, it was a two-man show. | ||
| Because Ari could go up and he'd want to... | ||
| I was like, I don't want to not have Joey. | ||
| But Joey was so crazy back then, but I didn't want to put pressure on him either. | ||
| So I was like, let's just come if you come. | ||
| If you don't, I fucking eat your plane ticket or whatever. | ||
| And so Ari doesn't know if he's featuring or hosting this. | ||
| He's assuming that... | ||
| We always did a tag team anyway. | ||
| So he's assuming he's always going to go on first, which is correct. | ||
| And he's assuming he's going to bring up Joey. | ||
| But he might not be bringing up Joey. | ||
| But it was fine. | ||
| It was fine. | ||
| But I started taking them on the road because I was like, it's way more fun when you bring people. | ||
| It's way more... | ||
| I figured that out early on. | ||
| I'm like, you want to travel with your friends. | ||
| Like, you don't want to just... | ||
| It was lonely. | ||
| You just travel to Pittsburgh and you're like hanging out with the people that work there. | ||
| Like, okay, well... | ||
| Guess I'm gonna go to my hotel and go to sleep. | ||
| You're gonna jerk off and go to sleep. | ||
| What the fuck kind of life is this? | ||
| This is weird. | ||
| And they just look forward to the show the next day and you're alone in the gym, fucking lifting weights, feeling weird. | ||
| As opposed to, if I bring those guys, we were just laughing everywhere. | ||
| So it was just laughs. | ||
| We just go have a good time, we go eat together, hang out at the park together. | ||
| Fucking do whatever. | ||
| Go to the pool, hang out together. | ||
| I always hear comics say that too. | ||
| I definitely hope to be headlining soon, but you hear comics be like, oh man, you want to bring somebody, but it just costs a little too much money or costs money. | ||
| To me, that's what you're paying for, right? | ||
| 100%. | ||
| I'm paying so I can have a good, comfortable time. | ||
| I think to this day, my photo of Joey, when I call him, is Joey at the pool in Austin. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That photo right there? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh shit. | |
| That's Joey with Ari in the background. | ||
| Oh shit! | ||
| We're hanging out at the pool when we're on the road together. | ||
| That's fucking young. | ||
| That's longest yard, Joey. | ||
| Joey calls me. | ||
| When I call him, I'll call him right now so everybody can see it. | ||
| Oh, it doesn't show the image. | ||
| Why doesn't it show the image? | ||
| It's an old ass image. | ||
| Hmm. | ||
| Sometimes when you call people, it shows you the full image. | ||
| It shows you the picture. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How come it doesn't do that? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Either way. | ||
| That's the picture. | ||
| That was us. | ||
| I think we were in Austin. | ||
| Pretty sure we were in Austin. | ||
| God, look at Ari. | ||
| That was young Ari. | ||
| That was Ari when he was a door guy. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah, when he just lost his religion just a few years earlier. | ||
| Ari was like radical, you know, like, what sect of, would you call him fundamentalist Judaism? | ||
| What was it? | ||
| What would you call it? | ||
| Orthodox. | ||
| He was all in. | ||
| Ari was all in. | ||
| When he was 19 or 20, he was like, this is bullshit. | ||
| I think he was 21. This is bullshit. | ||
| You met him coming off religion. | ||
| Conservative Jewish, and then his parents adopted Orthodox Jewish beliefs, according to Wikipedia. | ||
| Okay, so that's when he moved to Israel. | ||
| Yeah, and he was like reading the Talmud 12 hours a day like he was all in and then became this chaotic comedian. | ||
| Just a crazy man. | ||
| Just a hilarious crazy man. | ||
| Yeah, and I met him when he was at the store just working the door and then you know watched him do a few sets and said you want to come on the road? | ||
| Took him on the road. | ||
| We did a bunch of sets together. | ||
| Had a great fucking dime. | ||
| Door guy. | ||
| Yeah, door guys. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And it's also just like, you know, lighting the path, letting people know that there's a real path here. | ||
| You go from doing open mic nights to putting together sets, you do guest spots, and then you do a little bit of sets in town, and then someone comes along and says, hey, you want to try opening up on the road? | ||
| You do 15 minutes? | ||
| Can you do 15? | ||
| You know, and some guys, I ask them, can you do 15 minutes? | ||
| And they really can't. | ||
| Because they have, really, they have three five-minute sets of the same jokes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mmm! | |
| But you don't know because you're only doing five-minute sets at a time. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| So they don't know that the problem is if you cover that same subject three different times, you can't piece that together and make 15 minutes. | ||
| You're just covering the subject in one way. | ||
| What you really should be doing is condensing that shit, cutting it up, and attaching them all together. | ||
| And don't try to make it like three, five minutes. | ||
| You're just lazy. | ||
| Yeah, it should be one chunk. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| And that's what makes you Brian Simpson. | ||
| That is what makes you a great comic. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| That's what makes you Joey Diaz. | ||
| Joey Diaz. | ||
| It's not 15 minutes anymore. | ||
| It's four minutes. | ||
| You know, it's one chunk and it's bang, bang, bang, bang, murderous. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So there's, you know, there's a few guys. | ||
| You take them on the road. | ||
| They just, they didn't, whatever it is, they didn't have the extra horsepower to make it up the hill. | ||
| It's like, listen, man, you got to get up that hill. | ||
| No one's going to help you. | ||
| I can't hold your hand. | ||
| You got to get up that hill on your own. | ||
| It's the only way to do this. | ||
| Man, some people don't make it up the hill, bro. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Even though you love them. | ||
| You love them. | ||
| They don't make it up the hill. | ||
| You love them. | ||
| You think they're great guys. | ||
| They want you to still take them on the road. | ||
| I'm like, hey, man. | ||
| You gotta make it up the hill. | ||
| You gotta make it up the hill. | ||
| I can't have you bombing everywhere, you know? | ||
| I've seen people ask you to try to go up on the Rogan and Friends. | ||
| You try. | ||
| You help some people. | ||
|
unidentified
|
When they bomb, it's awful. | |
| It's awful. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Especially when the crowd's so, like, Asan just murdered. | ||
| Brian just murdered. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| It's like, oh no. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You gotta make it up the hill. | ||
| But you can. | ||
| And just because you have a bad set that night, it doesn't mean everybody's writing you off. | ||
| But if you don't adjust, if you don't course correct, you're gonna continue to have bad sets. | ||
| You gotta figure out, what am I doing wrong? | ||
| Like, what is different about what I'm doing than these people that are doing it really good? | ||
| That's the best part of watching it. | ||
| But the thing is, comedy is a weird art form in that there's no real place where you can learn it other than doing it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You could learn how to play guitar, you know? | ||
| I mean, some of the great guitar players, they're self-taught, but you could learn. | ||
| You could go to a place, they could teach you how to play guitar, you know? | ||
| They could teach you online. | ||
| There's tons of tutorials on how to learn how to play guitar that are free. | ||
| You can get them on YouTube. | ||
| Learn how to play guitar. | ||
| You ain't not going to learn how to do comedy. | ||
| You can't. | ||
| Yeah, you gotta do it. | ||
| It's so personal. | ||
| That's what makes it so beautiful, bro. | ||
| It's so personal. | ||
| And there's a lot of really funny people that aren't funny on stage. | ||
| That's weird. | ||
| How's that? | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| It doesn't make sense sometimes. | ||
| Right, it's weird. | ||
| It's weird when you see them bomb on stage and you see them in real life and they're funny. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like, what is going on? | |
| You'll see them in the green room and they'll be the comedian. | ||
| And then they go on stage and they're like, let me become a comedian. | ||
| What I think a comedian is. | ||
| So aware. | ||
| So aware that they're performing. | ||
| So aware. | ||
| Not locked into the thought at all, but instead hoping for a good result with every word that comes out of their mouth. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Hoping for a good result. | ||
| Yeah, it's that feeling in the air of desperation. | ||
| You know? | ||
| The crowd can taste it! | ||
| You ever see a desperate dude trying to hit on a girl? | ||
| It's the saddest shit of all time. | ||
| It's like he smells like shit, and she's just trying to get away with him. | ||
| Get away from him. | ||
| You know, because desperation stinks. | ||
| It stinks on girls, too. | ||
| It stinks on everybody. | ||
| It stinks on comedians. | ||
| It stinks. | ||
| Desperation stinks. | ||
| We don't like it. | ||
| It's uncomfortable. | ||
| I don't want to feel that way. | ||
| I want you to be having fun. | ||
| You know, when I see someone like Schultz at the roast, he's having fun. | ||
| I want to be watching a person who's having fun. | ||
| I don't want to be watching someone who's like, even if your comedy is really well written, it's going to suck if you're desperate. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, watching someone have fun. | ||
| God, watching that fucking guy, Schultz. | ||
| Yeah, he has a good-ass time, and he's enjoying all the success. | ||
| You know, he's enjoying every step of the way. | ||
| That's very important, too, because, you know, a lot of people get upset that people promote things and show them onstage killing it, but you gotta understand, like, that is... | ||
| That's you. | ||
| That's on you. | ||
| That's on you. | ||
| He's celebrating success. | ||
| This is gratitude in a physical form. | ||
| If that bothers you, that's you. | ||
| What you want me to do, man? | ||
| That's your problem. | ||
| This is him at the garden. | ||
| Oh, we went in. | ||
| Oh, look at the boy! | ||
| Joe, watching this guy, watching this guy, I swear to God, Joe, and I've told him this a hundred times, I'll be watching him, I'll think, I'll get off stage. | ||
| My second show at the Garden, I thought I had one of the best sets I've ever had in my life, Joe, in my life. | ||
| I watched his first ten minutes just riffing about New York, and I'll be like, I don't even, I didn't even do the same thing. | ||
| I'm not even doing the same thing. | ||
| He's killing so hard. | ||
| And he brought 50 Cent out, too, at the end, right? | ||
| Yeah, he brought them out. | ||
| Did 50 Cent? | ||
| Oh, he did. | ||
| Joe, we got the rap. | ||
| We wrapped Hater to Love It together. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| But I like that he lives like this. | ||
| I like that he's like a bigger, better, let's everybody, let's be bigger, better, bigger. | ||
| We can all be bigger and better. | ||
| And I like that. | ||
| That's why I gravitate towards him, I feel like, because he makes me want to be bigger and better and do better. | ||
| I felt like that the moment I met him. | ||
| The moment I met him was that I'd seen him do some stuff online. | ||
| I guess it was probably YouTube or Instagram. | ||
| I forget what it was. | ||
| And then I came to the store and I heard he was doing a show. | ||
| So I came and stopped by to watch him. | ||
| I remember this night, Joe. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I remember this night. | ||
| I met him in the back. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Main room. | ||
| He went up, he fucking killed, and then he did the pod. | ||
| I remember that shit. | ||
| Yeah, it was fun. | ||
| I didn't even know him yet. | ||
| I just remember just being a fly on the wall watching these moments. | ||
| There's good guys out there, man. | ||
| There's good guys out there. | ||
| And there's a lot of people that would be good guys if they were in the right group of people. | ||
| And they don't feel like they can be good guys because they're all shielded and protected. | ||
| And some guys are good guys when things are going great for them. | ||
| But when things aren't going great, then they're cunts. | ||
| And all of a sudden they... | ||
| That's because they weren't good guys though. | ||
| That's who they really were. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Well, they're just narcissists and they feel it's the same that old-school thing where they only want them to be successful and they only celebrate people that are way less successful than them if they do celebrate people. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's always someone who's like kind of okay and then they pretend they're really amazing. | ||
| That shit's so, oh my god. | ||
| And then they'll tell people like Hassan or somebody that they can't overform. | ||
| Like, you know, they'll give him excuses of why. | ||
| Like, oh, just, you know, we're this or that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's like, no, he just murdered. | |
| That's why. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, when you kick a guy off the tour because he's killing too hard, that's when it's a real problem. | ||
| I've seen that happen. | ||
| It's happened to your boy. | ||
| It's happened to your boy, Joe. | ||
| We know the names. | ||
| Come on. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But, you know, that's on them. | ||
| They have to live with that. | ||
| That's not good. | ||
| Take your medicine. | ||
| Yeah, also, don't you want the show to be good? | ||
| That's what I've been thinking about. | ||
| Don't you want the people in the show to also leave going, I love the whole show, not just the main guy. | ||
| I love the whole thing. | ||
| But I think what people could take out of this that don't give a fuck about comedy or stand-up is that the mentality of doing it the right way, you could apply that to everything in your life. | ||
| To everything. | ||
| You apply that to whatever you do for a living, apply that to your friendships, apply that to everything. | ||
| You'll have a better life. | ||
| It's a better way to live. | ||
| Fucking right. | ||
| And you can do it. | ||
| Everybody can do it. | ||
| It's not hard to do. | ||
| It's hard to do, but it's not like it's impossible. | ||
| It just requires a readjustment of the way you think about things. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| Loving is so much more fun. | ||
| It's just loving is so much more fun. | ||
| Look at the dog, bro. | ||
| They're having a good time. | ||
| Just love. | ||
| Yeah, stop trying to be the man. | ||
| Even if you are the man, don't even think about it. | ||
| Just keep going. | ||
| Just have fun. | ||
| Just have a good time. | ||
| Even where you are, don't think about it. | ||
| Yeah, never dwell. | ||
| Don't dwell on that shit. | ||
| Think about what's important. | ||
| What's important is friendship, fun, this thing that you're trying to get better at, you know? | ||
| Community. | ||
| I love the community we have. | ||
| Yeah, and we all have very different versions of the same idea. | ||
| Like we're trying to develop great bits and trying to have a great set. | ||
| We're all trying to do a different version of that same idea. | ||
| So we're all just, all of us are working on shit, and we all have good advice for each other, like, you know, every now and then Tony will, like, hit you with a tagline, you know, someone will come up with, Brian will say, hey, you know, you do it like this, but I feel like one time I heard you, you did it different, and I like that better, like, oh yeah, that's right, you know, and having guys like that is watch your shit, and Talk to you about it. | ||
| Well, you've said that to me, try to open it with this. | ||
| Sometimes just moving something. | ||
| Joey did say that to me also on the phone yesterday. | ||
| He was talking about this guy who went up and he said something kind of fucked up right away. | ||
| He goes, you can't just do that to him. | ||
| He goes, get him to fall in love with you first. | ||
| Don't just fucking dive into this stupid shit. | ||
| Get him to fall in love with you first. | ||
| Then you can get away with it later. | ||
| Get away with everything. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And it's also like you know them now. | ||
| They know you. | ||
| You know each other. | ||
| We like each other. | ||
| Now I can be free. | ||
| Now I can get loose. | ||
| I've heard you say that to Tony. | ||
| Like, Tony, smile. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Have a good time. | ||
| Smile. | ||
| Happy Tony's the best Tony. | ||
| When Tony's happy, it's the hardest murder. | ||
| It's great. | ||
| Me and Tony, it's like, settle down, Tony. | ||
| You need to go to the gym. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Okay? | ||
| Don't be so mean. | ||
| But it's, you know, that's like, that intensity is also, like, that could be harnessed. | ||
| Like, you could be, you have the same intensity, but don't focus it in, like, this angry, mean way, you know? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You focus it, what's the best way? | ||
| What's the best way to use this energy? | ||
| Don't just give in to the gluttony, you know? | ||
| Gluttony. | ||
| Yeah, the gluttony of anger, meanness, or whatever the fuck it is. | ||
| Just... | ||
| Have fun. | ||
| It comes up in us all though. | ||
| God, it comes up quick where you just feel some light. | ||
| God, what did you say that day we were working out and we were about to start talking shit and then Marshall came up and Marshall was like, and he was like, look at Marshall. | ||
| She's like, no daddy, stop talking shit! | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know what I mean? | |
| And you're like, I know, Marshall, but I can't help it. | ||
| I know. | ||
| Yeah, we were talking shit, but we were right. | ||
| I mean, that's the best part. | ||
| Isn't that crazy that it turned out after we were talking that shit that it was confirmed? | ||
| I knew it. | ||
| Come on. | ||
| I knew it. | ||
| But that's, again, that's that old school stupid way of thinking that my dog does not participate in. | ||
| Marshall's like, yo, chill. | ||
| He's like... | ||
| No, everybody love everybody. | ||
| He's funny, man. | ||
| Hanging out. | ||
| We're doing kettlebell swings and shit. | ||
| I know. | ||
| She's just running in between legs. | ||
| Hey, don't misgender my dog. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
|
unidentified
|
His name is Marshall. | |
| Joe, you know I like him. | ||
| You know I like him. | ||
| I know. | ||
| That's the problem. | ||
| That's the problem, Derek. | ||
| That's the problem. | ||
| It's a good time for you. | ||
| Oh, bro. | ||
| The world is changing in my favor, baby. | ||
| It's for your boy. | ||
| I feel like I'm a part of it. | ||
| How did you develop a like of trans porn? | ||
| Honestly? | ||
| Honestly. | ||
| Just scrolling through porn one regular day, just like any other day. | ||
| Regular guy, nothing's wrong with you. | ||
| Nothing wrong. | ||
| Didn't get struck by lightning. | ||
| Nope, just scrolling through. | ||
| I saw a woman with a fucking hog. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| And was like... | ||
| And she was beautiful. | ||
| She was actually beautiful. | ||
| Did you get confused? | ||
| No, I was finally not confused. | ||
| You just gave into it. | ||
| I was immediately... | ||
| Oh! | ||
| You liked it. | ||
| I told my wife. | ||
| I said, yo, what the fuck is this? | ||
| What'd she say? | ||
| It's wrong with you. | ||
| What the fuck is wrong with you, man? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What the fuck is wrong with you? | |
| What the fuck is wrong with you? | ||
| And I was like, yo, I like this. | ||
| That's also what I don't like is the guys who don't want to act like they don't watch it. | ||
| 20 million views every video. | ||
| It ain't just me, baby. | ||
| It ain't just your boy. | ||
| It's a lot. | ||
| You know what I saw that was real disturbing? | ||
| Someone posted this video. | ||
| This is totally unrelated. | ||
| So no one thinks I'm connecting these two, but someone posted this thing on Instagram of a video of showing children dancing around, like the people posting their children dancing around, and then they went and saw, like, who is liking this video and who's following this video, who's following this person, and then they went to those accounts, and they went to some of those accounts, and some of those accounts are for, like, straight-up pedophiles. | ||
| Yeah! | ||
| Straight-up pedophiles who are, like, Watching your kid dance around, and they're watching your kid, and they're fucking legit sex offenders, and they're online. | ||
| Yeah, that's fucking why you shouldn't have your kids online. | ||
| Yeah, and some of them have a different language, so you use a translator, and you can translate it and see what they're saying. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, they're real, man. | ||
| Don't put your kids online, kids. | ||
| No! | ||
| Don't do that. | ||
| There's transport on there. | ||
| You can't see that, young. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You can't. | ||
| Kids today are just being inundated with images and things that we never saw when we were kids. | ||
| Well, I'm obviously a lot older than you, but even you never saw. | ||
| No. | ||
|
unidentified
|
This is new. | |
| When was the first time you saw someone get murdered on Instagram? | ||
| Great question. | ||
| I would say... | ||
| 20s, probably like mid-20s, where you're like, whoa. | ||
| I've seen a video of just somebody falling or somebody getting hit by something, where you're like, what the fuck? | ||
| Where you're like, oh, that person's dead. | ||
| So I'd say, yeah, when I was like mid-late 20s, when you started seeing people just die, scrolling through your phone. | ||
| Dude, I see it all the time. | ||
| Almost every day, I see people die. | ||
| Almost every day. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I was on Twitter yesterday and I saw this video of this dude. | ||
| This lady was complaining that this dude was too loud. | ||
| She was trying to go to sleep. | ||
| So the guy beat her to death in the hallway. | ||
| I don't know what he had in his hand because it's kind of a blurry security camera. | ||
| But he keeps hitting her with this thing and then she pleads for him and then he hits her in the head and she goes unconscious and then he gets on top of her and is just beating her to death. | ||
| And then they had him, according to this post, they had him in jail. | ||
| They had him in trial. | ||
| And she said she wanted to go to sleep but now she sleeps real good. | ||
| Like, after he beat her to death. | ||
| I don't know if he actually said that or if someone was right. | ||
| Yeah, with the fucking movie lines? | ||
| The video of him doing it, though, is the most disturbing shit you'll ever see. | ||
| It's like this lady. | ||
| This, like, overweight lady who can't defend herself at all. | ||
| And she's got her hands up. | ||
| She's getting just beaten. | ||
| Bro, I can't watch that shit. | ||
| I scroll by it. | ||
| I can't watch. | ||
| It's impossible to be watching. | ||
| It's horrible. | ||
| It's horrible to watch. | ||
| And there's so many of them. | ||
| So many people get stabbed and shot. | ||
| Ran over by cars. | ||
| Fuck, man. | ||
| And people post it casually. | ||
| That's what I don't... | ||
| To post it so casually is wow. | ||
| There was one street takeover yesterday in Chicago. | ||
| And I guess it was a cop that had just gotten off duty. | ||
| And he was driving through. | ||
| And he tried to drive through the street takeover. | ||
| And they shot him. | ||
| Multiple times. | ||
| So this cop's in his car, and he hit some people. | ||
| There's like, you know, they're trying to block the road and shit. | ||
| And he's trying to get through. | ||
| And, you know, he thinks he's a cop, so he's going to be able to do this. | ||
| And you hear just... | ||
| Somebody just unloads a gun on him. | ||
| Bro, that shit makes me sick. | ||
| Because you'll hear about a rapper dying, and then two seconds later you'll just see the video. | ||
| And it's like, I don't think I'm supposed to live like that. | ||
| What happens if Kendrick Lamar and Drake run into each other in the wild? | ||
| Drake would fucking destroy that little guy. | ||
| Yeah, he's a tiny little dude. | ||
| He's a tiny little dude. | ||
| But what if Kendrick is expecting that? | ||
| So he comes prepared. | ||
| I mean, the nice thing I like about this era is everyone's way gayer. | ||
| Everyone's just so fucking gay and nice. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Everybody has their fingernails painted and everybody's... | |
| I don't believe this is a Tupac Biggie era. | ||
| I think that's honestly when that ended. | ||
| As far as rappers still get killed, but I think the idea of rappers killing each other, I feel like that was like, oh man, this made me win a little too far. | ||
| I feel like that's people that are confident that no one's going to use the nuclear bomb today. | ||
| Just because they haven't used the nuclear bomb since 1945. Derek, relax. | ||
| We're not nuking each other. | ||
| You say that. | ||
| You say that, but it happened. | ||
| It happened in history, you know? | ||
| Tyranny has always taken place. | ||
| There's tyranny right now in the world, right? | ||
| There's North Korea. | ||
| You go there, it's run by a dictator. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Full-on communism. | ||
| That shit exists. | ||
| It's real. | ||
| It's today. | ||
| 2024. You wake up normal in America, living in Texas. | ||
| Yeehaw, land of the free. | ||
| Not there. | ||
| Not there. | ||
| Same timeline, same time on earth. | ||
| It exists. | ||
| This is a human, natural human pattern. | ||
| And to think that the rappers can't shoot each other today is crazy. | ||
| I know, but I don't want them to. | ||
| They're so fucking, they're so not tough. | ||
| Because like, what I like about Tupac and Biggie, they were fucking real, man. | ||
| Not to say that Drake and Kendrick didn't come up. | ||
| I'm sure Kendrick from Compton. | ||
| He's probably seen some fucking shit. | ||
| But what he raps about is that he's literally a good kid from this mad city. | ||
| Drake raps about how he's this sensitive guy who just wants to fall in love. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| You can't put those words back in a bottle. | ||
| You know, you say some dark shit about people's families. | ||
| Like, why? | ||
| Damn you, Kate. | ||
| But why also? | ||
| It's like, do you want to engage in that? | ||
| For what reason? | ||
| What's the end goal? | ||
| Don't you, like, you know, one of the things that people do, like, in a street fight. | ||
| People don't think, where does this go? | ||
| They just think, I want to punch this guy. | ||
| Fuck this dude, I'm gonna punch this guy. | ||
| And you think you can just punch that guy. | ||
| But now you've created a real problem. | ||
| Because if that guy's still alive, he's gonna remember that you punched him and he's gonna want to get it back. | ||
| And he's gonna figure out a way to do it. | ||
| You know, maybe. | ||
| If he's the type of dude who's getting involved in street fights, he probably makes bad decisions. | ||
| And so you've set off a chain of events that could lead to your death, other people's deaths, prison time, all kinds of crazy shit that can happen. | ||
| Just because you couldn't keep your emotions controlled in one moment and you didn't think it out. | ||
| You think, I'm just gonna fuck this guy up. | ||
| It's not that simple. | ||
| Nobody likes getting fucked up. | ||
| They're gonna come back tomorrow with some friends. | ||
| They're gonna get a gun. | ||
| Someone's gonna do something. | ||
| Yeah, these motherfuckers are talking about each other's kids. | ||
| That's what I'm saying. | ||
| On songs. | ||
| Talking about each other's actual children. | ||
| So it can't be that they're thinking about where this goes. | ||
| Because if you thought about where this goes, it don't go to anywhere good. | ||
| It goes only one place. | ||
| You know what's funny? | ||
| Because right now everyone's like, oh, Kendrick's killing him. | ||
| And we were talking about this with Shultz. | ||
| And I was like, yeah, I'd say Kendrick is up right now. | ||
| He's probably winning this battle right now. | ||
| He's being way meaner, clever, all that stuff. | ||
| But I don't think when he went to bed, he felt good. | ||
| No. | ||
| It can't be why you got into this business. | ||
| There's no way. | ||
| And also for you two to be the two biggest rappers in the world and doing this, it can't feel good. | ||
| Because you know what's funny? | ||
| I wanted it. | ||
| I'm one of the people that when it first happened, I was like, guys, the two best are going at it. | ||
| This is what we want. | ||
| And now that it's happened, I'm like, wow, I didn't want this at all. | ||
| This is dark. | ||
| And it seems like this one, how many songs have they released so far? | ||
| I think they're both at like three or four. | ||
| I think they're both at three. | ||
| They're both at four. | ||
| Eight songs for each. | ||
| Four each. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| Eight. | ||
| That's so crazy. | ||
| Now imagine if they put that much creativity into positivity. | ||
| Imagine if they just released new bangers all the time that they created based on world events. | ||
| You know? | ||
| They have eight songs together. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They have about eight right now together. | ||
| If Nas was mad at Israel and Palestine going to war and just went at them the way he went at Jay-Z. How genius would that be? | ||
|
unidentified
|
That would be crazy. | |
| Wouldn't it be genius? | ||
|
unidentified
|
That would be wild. | |
| Oh my god. | ||
| I bet Nas could do that. | ||
| Nas might be able to make that war look stupid. | ||
| Yeah, he ethered it? | ||
| Yeah, he ethered the war. | ||
| He ethered the whole thing? | ||
| Knocked it out? | ||
| Both sides. | ||
| All this stupid shit that is being said by both sides. | ||
| Both sides justifying the death of innocence. | ||
| Even Jay-Z lived off. | ||
| That thing's living off. | ||
| Like, oh my god, all the college protests. | ||
| The kids are getting arrested. | ||
| That's just crazy, Joe. | ||
| Not just that, but they're like spray painting up schools and camping out. | ||
| Kids are camping out. | ||
| They're just looking for this cause that somehow or another is going to elevate their status. | ||
| That's a part of it. | ||
| And also being outraged at what is happening in Palestine, which is legitimate. | ||
| But it's also been a part Of anti-war protests forever. | ||
| And what's scary is... | ||
| Do you know what happened at Kent State? | ||
| No. | ||
| In Ohio? | ||
| Kent State was a cause that was having an anti-war protest, and they sent in the National Guard, and the National Guard wound up shooting people. | ||
| So they were shooting kids. | ||
| So it was Neil Young wrote a song about it. | ||
| It became like a cultural moment where we realized how fucking insane things had gotten that the army or the National Guard was shooting, shooting students for anti-war protests. | ||
| I mean, they just fucking shot people. | ||
| Four kills in Kent State shooting. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The fuck? | |
| Yeah, they broke up this peaceful protest by students with guns and the army. | ||
| They sent the army in and they shot people. | ||
| It was crazy. | ||
| Fucking crazy. | ||
| What year was this? | ||
| This is 74, I think. | ||
| What year was this? | ||
| 70? | ||
| 1970. Sorry, 70. They shot people. | ||
| Killed kids. | ||
| Four students and wounding, nine others. | ||
| Men and women. | ||
| Killed them. | ||
| On a college kid? | ||
| With rifles. | ||
| With rifles. | ||
| Like their armed combatants trying to kill women and children. | ||
| No. | ||
| They're just kids. | ||
| Young people who didn't know any better being shot by young people who don't know any better. | ||
| Yeah, it's horrible, man. | ||
| It's fucking horrible. | ||
| Yeah, what's going on? | ||
| That image of that lady screaming. | ||
| Yeah, that's so visceral, man. | ||
| Bro, this can happen here. | ||
| Look at the blood pouring out of her. | ||
| That is so crazy. | ||
| Or him, I don't know. | ||
| This can happen here today, man. | ||
| This is why conflict is not good in any way, shape, or form. | ||
| And anybody that encourages conflict is foolish. | ||
| It's foolish. | ||
| Man, me and my wife, we live next door to the Jewish fraternity on UT's campus, and they have 24-hour armed guards outside now. | ||
| That's a new thing. | ||
| We've lived by them for the last three years since that happened on the UT campus. | ||
| That's what it's like over there now. | ||
| So you can tell it's just at their frat, not at the other ones. | ||
| So it's like, what the fuck? | ||
| Yeah, and so they're arresting kids that are on the campuses, and then the kids become more emboldened, and now there's more of them, and more colleges are having this now, where kids are setting up these camps. | ||
| They're launching these camps. | ||
| They're all sleeping on the lawn. | ||
| On the lawns and the tents and shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then if you stop it, they say you're stopping their freedom of speech. | ||
| But no, because freedom of speech is you have the ability to protest and to say things and to go out there with signs and to express yourself online. | ||
| But you don't have the ability to camp places. | ||
| You can't just set up a house. | ||
| On the school lawn and keep it there until you decide that it's time to go. | ||
| Now you're violating the school's property. | ||
| Yeah, because if you can do it, then why can't homeless people just do it? | ||
| Now what are we doing? | ||
| Why can't everybody do it? | ||
| Yeah, why can't I just do it? | ||
| Yeah, I think that we have to address climate change. | ||
| I'm going to set up a tent. | ||
| And if you open up the door for that, regardless of how you feel about whether or not people should be outraged, and I think they should, You can't just let people camp places. | ||
| And it doesn't say that in the First Amendment. | ||
| You can just take over places. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yell at Jewish students that didn't have nothing to do with it and demand compliance. | ||
| And, you know, it's a lot of people that, like, all of a sudden they have something to look forward to. | ||
| That's, like, something important in their life. | ||
| You can feel that. | ||
| My friend Constantine from Trigonometry, he went to one of those protests. | ||
| What college was that? | ||
| What do you went to, Jamie? | ||
| And he was talking to these kids. | ||
| It was in New York, right? | ||
| The Columbia? | ||
| I think it was that one. | ||
| Most of them had no idea what the fuck they were there for. | ||
| They didn't understand the conflict. | ||
| They didn't understand anything. | ||
| They were given signs by people. | ||
| He interviewed a bunch of people that he tried to ask them and they would get upset at him. | ||
| He's like, I'm just genuinely curious. | ||
| They didn't really know what was going on. | ||
| They didn't have a real position. | ||
| They didn't know what the river to the sea means. | ||
| They didn't know any of that stuff. | ||
| How did this all get started? | ||
| Do you know the history of I'm going to get arrested on school campus for it, and you don't even know what's going on. | ||
| That's wild to me. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's wild. | ||
| The whole thing is wild. | ||
| Do you think it's because of just internet? | ||
| People want that community. | ||
| I want to feel like I got a tribe. | ||
| I'm not alone. | ||
| And you're a good person if you want to stop genocide. | ||
| That's not true. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Trying to stop genocide over here, Derek. | ||
| Camping to stop genocide. | ||
| It looks like he's in London. | ||
| That's where they live, right? | ||
| It could be New York, too, though, bro. | ||
| He's got a hat on. | ||
| I'm trying to judge by where they're at. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Listen to his... | |
| Gaza, West Bank, them people to be free, yeah. | ||
| Gaza and West Bank. | ||
| Yeah, all Palestinians in general, you know, because we know that what's going on. | ||
| All of them are being oppressed, so for them to be free, you know, it's nothing, you know, it's clear as day, you know. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, well, I was just asking them which bit of the land they... | ||
| This wasn't a college protest, this was just Israel. | ||
| That was just a Palestine protest. | ||
| He's done quite a few of these, and they've done a bunch of different people have done them as well on college campuses, asking kids. | ||
| But a lot of these are, they were a bunch of college kids that he interviewed in this, one of these protests. | ||
| They don't know what they're protesting, or some of them do, but a lot of them don't. | ||
| They're there because they think you're supposed to be a good person. | ||
| And one of them actually said, oh, my friend said, do you want to go protest? | ||
| And I was like, okay. | ||
| So I came. | ||
| That makes more sense. | ||
| That makes more sense to me, why kids are... | ||
| Because I talked to a sign about it, because I just don't really understand. | ||
| I was like, why are kids from colleges... | ||
| I know this isn't affecting your life. | ||
| I've been in college before. | ||
| And then I was like, oh, well, maybe I played football. | ||
| I had a tribe of friends that I was already... | ||
| So the idea of trying to get into another group of friends, that's what I think it really is. | ||
| You want to feel some community. | ||
| Yeah, that's a big part of it. | ||
| And also... | ||
| Genocide. | ||
| If you watch, they did some drone footage that showed a drone flying over Gaza before October 7th, and then that same drone flying over Gaza today. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| They've erased just giant blocks of this city. | ||
| It's just erased. | ||
| Before October 7th, there was like ships. | ||
| They flew the drone. | ||
| See if you can find it. | ||
| If not, I could probably find it. | ||
| But they flew the drone over the sea. | ||
| So you see the ships in the sea. | ||
| This might not be the exact same one. | ||
| Mmm, not the exact same one. | ||
| Damn! | ||
| But yeah, you see how the universities have been destroyed. | ||
| Look at this university. | ||
| Look how nice it was! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Destroyed. | |
| It was gorgeous. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Look at it. | ||
| Everything's just... | ||
| Targeted educational facilities under false premise. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| So they targeted educational institutions because, well, I don't know if it's false premises. | ||
| So the problem is you don't know. | ||
| Unless you're there, you don't know. | ||
| Like, they do have tunnels. | ||
| They do embed themselves in hospitals. | ||
| They do embed themselves in different places. | ||
| And Israel doesn't give a fuck. | ||
| They're just going to bomb wherever the bad people are, no matter what's there. | ||
| Whether it's a school or whether it's a mosque and... | ||
| They're just bombing. | ||
| And if you watch what it used to look like versus what it looks like now, it's fucking terrifying, man. | ||
| It's terrifying. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Yeah, that's the same. | ||
| It's crazy, man. | ||
| Everything's just blown the fuck up and no one's there and the streets are empty. | ||
| I mean, look at this. | ||
| I mean, imagine if you used to live there. | ||
| Because in your head in America, you're like, oh, that wouldn't happen to me. | ||
| But it's like, why wouldn't it? | ||
| It looks like a nice building in America. | ||
| It looks like a regular nice building. | ||
| That's human beings doing that to other human beings. | ||
| That can happen anywhere in the world. | ||
| That can happen right here. | ||
| And if we didn't have a strong military and we didn't have intelligence agencies that keep terrorist attacks from taking place and all this shit. | ||
| But then again, how much are we doing in other countries that is getting people to want to do something like that here? | ||
| It's scary stuff, man. | ||
| Scary stuff because it's not you and it's not me. | ||
| It's leaders that are telling gigantic groups of people that you're opposed to these people over here. | ||
| And you get them to be a part of that community, be a part of the tribe, whatever side, whether you're an IDF soldier, whether you're Hamas, you feel like you're on the right side, you're going to fuck those people up. | ||
| It's a horrible instinct that human beings have. | ||
| We've had since the beginning of civilization, just tribal warfare. | ||
| It's just tribal warfare on a global scale with insanely sophisticated technology, at least on one side. | ||
| You're right, because it's like, if it was happening when we were cavemen or when we were, you know, in tribes, it's not like it's any different. | ||
| It's the same thing, just on a... | ||
| We can communicate now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We can... | |
| Yep, and with the whole world's watching it. | ||
| And then it also gives people an opportunity, like these college kids, to protest it and to feel like they're virtuous by camping out and they're not going to take their studies and... | ||
| One girl, there was an interview that she found out she wasn't even going to graduate because she had gotten arrested for protests. | ||
| And so her family's flying in to see her graduate and she wasn't going to graduate. | ||
| She was like, oh shit. | ||
| You realize, like, what the fuck did I do? | ||
| I thought this was fun. | ||
| I just wanted to graduate. | ||
| I need a job. | ||
| My parents paid for this. | ||
| And that's a lot of it, too. | ||
| A lot of it was, like, young, rich kids. | ||
| You have to be a young, rich kid, I feel like. | ||
| Those kids that glue themselves to, like, paintings and stuff to stop oil now, almost all from wealthy families. | ||
| Almost all of them are at least upper middle class, highly educated. | ||
| People that grew up in a struggle, they don't have time to glue themselves to the fucking wall of the museum, okay? | ||
| You know, you have to pay for your mom. | ||
| Your mom doesn't have any money, and you have a side job while you're at school. | ||
| Dad's got an injury. | ||
| Yeah, real shit. | ||
| Real shit. | ||
| Real shit. | ||
| You don't have time to glue yourself to a wall or cut up paintings. | ||
| You see these fucking psychopaths cut up these paintings from like the 1800s, slice them up with a razor blade. | ||
| Priceless paintings. | ||
| Hundreds of years old. | ||
| I don't understand, because you would think those people would be the people who love art, since you're so, you would love art. | ||
| Yeah, but they don't love art by colonizers and slave owners. | ||
| And the thing is, if you go back far enough in history, everyone's a piece of shit. | ||
| You go back far enough in history, you don't listen to Socrates because he's a pedophile. | ||
| You go back in history, you don't worship the Spartans. | ||
| They all fucked each other. | ||
| They fucked their kids. | ||
| They fucked everybody. | ||
| These were wild people, man. | ||
| Pedophiles back then, it was so common. | ||
| They talked about having young boy lovers. | ||
| It was like an open thing. | ||
| You know, in other parts of the world right now, in Afghanistan, my friends that have gone to Afghanistan and served there, they'll go, dude, it's crazy. | ||
| Some of the shit you see in Afghanistan. | ||
| With these young boys that get swapped around. | ||
| Oh, dude, dark shit. | ||
| That's fucked up, too. | ||
| Dark shit. | ||
| And young boys that they use for sex, and these guys don't shave their face. | ||
| Or they shave their face, rather, where everybody else grows out a beard. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And they know it, and they have, like, gay guys. | ||
| And they just... | ||
| Toss them around. | ||
| So they use women for procreation, some of these people, and they use the boys for fun. | ||
| Yeah, what the fuck, dude? | ||
| And if you go back far enough in history, that's why you have to take down Thomas Jefferson's statue. | ||
| That's why even Abraham Lincoln's piece of shit. | ||
| Because Abraham Lincoln, even though he freed the slaves, and even though Abraham Lincoln was the President of the United States during the Civil War, Abraham Lincoln also wrote about black people that they were less than 100% of a human being. | ||
| He didn't consider them, like, the same as white people. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Even him. | ||
| So you gotta go, well, he's a piece of shit, too. | ||
| And then you go back to George Washington, who founded this country. | ||
| Fucking fuck that guy. | ||
| So it's fuck everybody. | ||
| I mean, what are we doing, bro? | ||
| I remember Trump said this once when they were taking down statues of Confederate soldiers. | ||
| They were taking down a statue of Robert E. Lee. | ||
| And he said, what's next? | ||
| Are you going to take down George Washington? | ||
| And everyone was like, no way. | ||
| Meanwhile, a couple years later, they're taking down George Washington statues. | ||
| Damn. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Bro, everybody was a piece of shit back then. | ||
| And people will bring up, like, you know, Martin Luther King Jr. cheated on his wife. | ||
| It's like, man, that's not the point. | ||
| Yeah, I don't like when people do that, when they try to erase art or history, because people were humans. | ||
| By the way, he did, and they recorded him. | ||
| So, like, they probably set him up, too. | ||
| So they probably brought in hot ladies to fuck him. | ||
| And he was probably like, yeah, I like hot pussy. | ||
| I'm tired. | ||
| I've been trying to stop... | ||
| Racism all day. | ||
| Trying to stop people from dying. | ||
| Trying to get everybody to get along. | ||
| I need to get along. | ||
| Yeah, so it's like, if you go back far enough, like JFK was a notorious womanizer. | ||
| It doesn't mean they should have shot him. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Like, hey, they fucking murdered the president. | ||
| Stop concentrating on the fact that he fucked Marilyn Monroe. | ||
| There's a lot of other shit there. | ||
| There's a lot of other shit going on. | ||
| But if you go, like, way, way back, like, everybody's a piece of shit. | ||
| Human beings were horrible to each other 1,000 years ago, 2,000 years ago, 3,000 years ago. | ||
| Murder was normal. | ||
| God, that Aztec shit just rolling bodies down the steps. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, my God, dude. | |
| Come on. | ||
| Oh, my God, dude. | ||
| That apocalypto movie, you ever seen that? | ||
| That kind of, that shit? | ||
| Oh, man. | ||
| What is that temple again? | ||
| Teotihuacan? | ||
| The temple of Tenochtitlan? | ||
| Tenochtitlan. | ||
| The temple of Tenochtitlan by the Aztecs. | ||
| They don't even know how many people they slaughtered afterwards, but they sacrificed thousands and thousands of slaves. | ||
| The upper number is like 80,000. | ||
| Some people say it might have been as low as 20,000. | ||
| Whatever the fuck it was. | ||
| The moment they were finished with the temples that they built, okay. | ||
| Time to die! | ||
| We're not gonna feed you anymore. | ||
| You've finished your work. | ||
| We're gonna fucking sacrifice you to the gods. | ||
| Bro, they had like... | ||
| The Mayans had this really creepy... | ||
| When I went to Chichen Itza, they have this human sacrifice, like, tray. | ||
| It's like a guy who's like lying on his back and there's like a flat thing in front where they would cut people's fucking heads off in front of everybody. | ||
| So it's at the top of the stairs of this pyramid. | ||
| You see this thing and they would fucking lay someone down there. | ||
| And the city's just... | ||
| Yeah, and just throw that head down the stairs. | ||
| The head would bounce down the stairs. | ||
| They don't even know if sometimes... | ||
| There's speculation that sometimes they use heads to play games. | ||
| They use human heads to play, like, ball games with. | ||
| Those dudes were fucking wild. | ||
| They were wild, dude. | ||
| They had ballgames where the winning team was slaughtered. | ||
| The winning team was sacrificed. | ||
| I've heard about that, and then that was the honor, right? | ||
| You still wanted to win. | ||
| This is one of those things where the guide told me this when we had a really good guide in Chichen Itza. | ||
| You pay for a professional guide, and this guy was cool as fuck. | ||
| And he also told me that There was something that they were doing, some sort of psychedelic compound that they were doing in this one very specific area. | ||
| It was like there was certain things that they did that mimicked or that had lysergic acid in it, which is like LSD. And so he was explaining all that stuff to me. | ||
| They were just talking about the nature of like a lot of these sacrifices and that they used to think that they would sacrifice the losing team. | ||
| But then they switched it and they think, no, they think they sacrificed the winning team. | ||
| Which is crazy. | ||
| That means no one ever got good at the fucking... | ||
| You win the NBA and everybody gets their head cut off in front of everybody. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You won! | |
| Now it's time to go to the gods! | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Meanwhile, they thought it was the way to go. | ||
| Like, this is gonna be amazing. | ||
| I'm going to heaven. | ||
| Meanwhile, they come back as a moth. | ||
| Fuck! | ||
| Badass athlete. | ||
| Now I'm just going towards the flames. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| This is bullshit. | ||
| Oh my god, I was so cocky. | ||
| I thought I was gonna make it. | ||
| Joe. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Is that true though, that they sacrificed the winning team? | ||
| I've heard that. | ||
| Google that. | ||
| I've heard that. | ||
| I heard that from that guy who's the guide. | ||
| But this is, you know, 2000. People didn't know much back then. | ||
| You know, it was like... | ||
| I don't know to this day how much they know. | ||
| They don't know what happened, where everybody went. | ||
| Where are they? | ||
| I think they died from disease. | ||
| I think they died from the same diseases that most of the Native Americans were killed with. | ||
| When the Europeans showed up with smallpox, syphilis, and syphilis they actually got from Native Americans, speculative. | ||
| But a lot of diseases they brought over here, and no one had an immunity to them. | ||
| These European diseases, they just ran through it. | ||
| It killed 90% of the population. | ||
| But the real genocide in North America is a disease. | ||
| How come that didn't happen to us? | ||
| How come we didn't, like, some of whatever their diseases, we didn't get so affected? | ||
| We did. | ||
| We did with syphilis, apparently. | ||
| But this is very speculative, and it's disputed, but I'll just say it. | ||
| There's more than one version of syphilis, right? | ||
| So there's, like, one syphilis. | ||
| And again, I've read different accounts of this. | ||
| But there's a syphilis that existed in Europe and then there was a syphilis they believe came from North America that these people that came over on the Mayflower and all that shit, they were fucking some of the Native American people and got their VD and then brought their VD back to Europe. | ||
| And they think that this is why this rash of syphilis, this is one theory about why this rash of syphilis went through like European royalty. | ||
| To the point where that's where the term big wig comes from. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, the term big wig is there was these brothers that were French, they were some royalty, and they got syphilis. | ||
| And when you get syphilis, your fucking hair falls out, you develop like holes in your skin, your face has holes in it, and to cover up the fact that they lost their hair, they got wigs. | ||
| And they were so popular that it's like, you know, when someone wears something stupid, you're like, how does that work? | ||
| Everybody's wearing this thing because Kanye wore it, you know? | ||
| So everybody's wearing the same shit that Kanye wore. | ||
| Well, that's how they were. | ||
| They were so influential that when they got wigs, everybody wanted wigs. | ||
| And then since everyone's fucking everybody, everyone's getting syphilis. | ||
| So they all have like holes in their faces and shit, and they got wigs. | ||
| And the more money you had, the bigger the wig. | ||
| So if you're a rich dude, you're a big wig. | ||
| That is so crazy. | ||
| Isn't that crazy? | ||
| Because, like, when you heard that term, when I heard that term as a kid, oh, he's a bigwig. | ||
| Like, the bigwig is like, oh, he's a banker. | ||
| He's a bigwig. | ||
| He's a big, yeah, big shot. | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
| Okay, well, the hoops. | ||
| Sometimes the ball will go through the hoop located at the alley's midpoint. | ||
| If that happened, the whole group would stop, and the person who put the ball through the hoop would be hailed as a victor. | ||
| Helmke said, but he didn't say that that was the point of the game. | ||
| He said that might happen once in a while that it was truly exceptional. | ||
| Moreover, the vast majority of ball courts in the Maya do not have hoops. | ||
| Oh, human sacrifice. | ||
| I think the sacrifice part came over when Europeans came and saw what was happening. | ||
| They probably did not understand what was going down. | ||
| Oh, interesting. | ||
| The sacrifice is probably not really part of it. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| Although it did happen. | ||
| But they definitely sacrificed a lot of people, right? | ||
| Oh, I see, I see, I see. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| So what does it say there? | ||
| Given how popular and well-attended the ballgames were, sometimes a captive might be executed at the game just for funsies. | ||
| But these sacrifices weren't an integral part of the game. | ||
| That person would have been expedited, executed anyway. | ||
| Oh, so they would do it for funs. | ||
| So when you asked this question, I was looking through this article, which comes from a tabloid, I'll add the sun, but it talks about these skull towers they found. | ||
| They had found upwards of 200, but the experts say that that means that there might have been thousands and thousands and thousands of skulls embedded in these towers, but they were destroyed and covered up when the Europeans came. | ||
| Oh, so they already had these skulls embedded in these walls? | ||
| Yeah, and then you asked if they were coming from the game, and I was trying to find out if that's... | ||
| Oh my god, look at this. | ||
| One historical report claimed one rat contained more than 130,000 skulls. | ||
| And that could be, you know, like some guy saw it and he was like, it was so big, there had to be thousands and thousands of them. | ||
| Maybe there was, but... | ||
| Bro, imagine being back then. | ||
| Imagine going back then before the Europeans conquered them and to see, what the fuck were you guys doing? | ||
| How did you... | ||
| Go back up to that image of what the outside looked like a little higher up. | ||
| That one. | ||
| Imagine just showing up one day to this place going, what the fuck are you guys taking? | ||
| Because this is How did you... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Why? | |
| What are you doing? | ||
| Why did you guys do this? | ||
| Why didn't you just make huts? | ||
| You made these, the steps, they're all skulls inside. | ||
| Bro, they don't even have horses. | ||
| They didn't even have horses. | ||
| They didn't have horses? | ||
| No. | ||
| No. | ||
| They didn't have horses. | ||
| When the Europeans showed up in horses, they thought they were gods. | ||
| Like, look at these guys. | ||
| They're riding horses. | ||
| They're fucking gods. | ||
| Yeah, that was part of the problem. | ||
| They didn't understand how someone could ride a horse. | ||
| Like, oh my god, these must be the gods. | ||
| They must be just like the prophecies. | ||
| They've come. | ||
| On these beasts. | ||
| Riding beasts. | ||
| Yeah, and showing up in boats. | ||
| Like, what the fuck? | ||
| You guys have a boat? | ||
| And they just showed up with horses. | ||
| Hopping horses out of the boat. | ||
| Like, this is crazy. | ||
| That would be like aliens showing up in spacecraft, because we would be like, what the f- What is this, Jamie? | ||
| Three quarters of the skulls analyzed belong to men aged 20 to 35, and they were all said to have been in relatively good health before they were sacrificed. | ||
| Oh my god, so it's all sacrifices. | ||
| Oh my god! | ||
|
unidentified
|
130,000 sacrifices at least in one wall! | |
| And good health is crazy. | ||
| Those people were wild. | ||
| They were wild, man. | ||
| Building those structures, no horses, and killing everybody. | ||
| Just sacrificing people. | ||
| What were they taking, man? | ||
| What were they taking? | ||
| They were on some hardcore drugs. | ||
| They probably had their own version of meth, just methed out. | ||
| Spanish conquistadors were appalled at the skull rack when they entered Tenochtitlan in 1519. Two years later, they destroyed the city and paved over its ruins, leaving the Aztec sacrificial remains below the streets of what later became the Mexican capital. | ||
| Holy fucking shit, man. | ||
| What an energy. | ||
| That's where Mexico City is, right? | ||
| To live on top of that. | ||
| Because Mexico City, like, when they're doing construction, they have to stop all the time. | ||
| Like, hold on. | ||
| We found a temple. | ||
| They'll find some shit down there. | ||
| They find ruins. | ||
| They find all kinds of things. | ||
| For a long time, many historians and anthropologists questioned whether descriptions by Spanish eyewitnesses exaggerated the number of skulls on the skull rack, as well as the number of victims sacrificed by the Aztecs, he told Fox News. | ||
| This discovery now makes those early accounts much more believable. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| What's the new discovery? | ||
| I think just that. | ||
| Like, this whole article is the discovery that they found this stuff under. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| All the skulls. | ||
| I'm not even sure where they found it. | ||
| Fuck, dude. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| These evil motherfuckers. | ||
| Sacrifices. | ||
| What were they doing? | ||
| What were they doing? | ||
| Convincing me in good health. | ||
| They had to be on some kind of meth. | ||
| Some kind of. | ||
| I wonder if that's why God sent the Europeans to them. | ||
| You guys are just out of control. | ||
| We're going to teach you Spanish. | ||
| We're going to get you guys spoons. | ||
| We're going to get you spoons, teach you Spanish, and bring you horses. | ||
| Which is horrible if you think about it at the time. | ||
| I mean, we think about it as a terrible thing that happened. | ||
| You know, the Europeans came here, brought disease, killed everybody, enslaved everybody, turned the whole country Spanish-speaking. | ||
| Like, Mexico speaks Spanish, bro. | ||
| Spain ain't nowhere near Mexico. | ||
| It ain't even close to Mexico. | ||
| That's a long journey on a raft. | ||
| It took over the whole motherfucker. | ||
| Took over the whole motherfucker. | ||
| Took over the whole motherfucker. | ||
| And the people that were in control of it before then? | ||
| Probably worse. | ||
| Probably worse than them. | ||
| Sacrificing young, able-bodied men. | ||
| Yeah, in relatively good health. | ||
| Off with your fucking head. | ||
| You've become a part of the column. | ||
| Congratulations! | ||
| And you're like, yes! | ||
| Imagine you're a 25-year-old guy, like, I've got fucking aspirations. | ||
| One day I'd like to run this thing. | ||
| Nope. | ||
| One day I'd like to run this. | ||
| You can't run this. | ||
| You can't be a king. | ||
| You have no chance, though. | ||
| No, you gotta be born into this shit. | ||
| The born into it is the worst. | ||
| Because you can't escape that. | ||
| Cast system, right? | ||
| Oh, it's the worst. | ||
| The most evil trick that anybody ever played on it. | ||
| Man! | ||
| The most evil trick. | ||
| I seen it firsthand. | ||
| When we went to Abu Dhabi, I seen it. | ||
| I seen what it was like. | ||
| Oh, over here you can't... | ||
| Ain't no coming out of... | ||
| Ain't no Joe Rogan. | ||
| Ain't no coming out of the Boston slums and making it to this. | ||
| I saw it from the bottom now we're here. | ||
| Come on. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I saw it from the bottom now we're here. | |
| Come on, Joe. | ||
| Let's go, Drake. | ||
| Yeah, no. | ||
| No, there's none of that there. | ||
| There's none of that there. | ||
| And that's one of the things about England, too. | ||
| I mean, even in modern England, my friends who've come over from England say, in England, they don't want you to change your status in society. | ||
| They don't want you to rise up. | ||
| If you're lower class, you stay lower class. | ||
| You're that forever. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I like America. | ||
| OnlyFans. | ||
| It's the best. | ||
| Come on. | ||
| It's the best. | ||
| You got some big titties you ready? | ||
| You want to show them? | ||
| You can be a fucking star. | ||
| Bro, I ain't getting a job at an insurance company if I got these big titties. | ||
| Fuck that. | ||
| Yeah, fuck that. | ||
| I feel you, ladies. | ||
| Go for it. | ||
| I don't want my daughter doing it, but... | ||
| Go for it. | ||
| Do whatever you want to do. | ||
| I want you to be free. | ||
| If you're, you know, everybody has different circumstances. | ||
| If you're trapped, yeah. | ||
| What is this? | ||
| You talked about how the horses came with the Europeans, but I was like, what did they else? | ||
| Did they not use anything? | ||
| Did they not have anything? | ||
| They brought donkeys also. | ||
| Donkeys weren't here either. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| Yeah, that makes sense. | ||
| 1495. And then mules are the cross of donkeys and horses, which are the best. | ||
| They didn't exist, probably. | ||
| Well, they probably existed in Europe. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Let's find out. | ||
| When did they first start breeding mules? | ||
| Mules are non-viable, meaning a mule can't make another mule. | ||
| You need a donkey and a horse to make a mule. | ||
| Wow! | ||
| 3000 BC! Yeah, but they're the most durable. | ||
| They're the sturdiest of animals. | ||
| Like the guys who go backpack hunting, like deep into the mountains. | ||
| My friend Clay Newcomb, he came on this podcast, he raises mules. | ||
| And he talks about, like, flashy mules. | ||
| Like, good-looking mule. | ||
| But mules are, like, better than horses because mules won't go over the cliff. | ||
| Horses are just like, oh, just go over the cliff. | ||
| Mules are like, fuck you. | ||
| I'm not going this way. | ||
| This is dangerous. | ||
| It's an edge. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| When the mule gets to a place where it doesn't like it, it's like, uh-uh. | ||
| That's why the term stubborn is a mule. | ||
| That's where that comes from. | ||
| Because mules are smart. | ||
| That's awesome. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They're smart. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| They figured out that that's the animal to run because they require less water, less food. | ||
| They're more durable. | ||
| They can last longer without water and food. | ||
| How many animals are like that in the world that it takes two things to make them but they can't make themselves? | ||
| There's quite a few hybrids like that. | ||
| That's a liger. | ||
| Like those lions and tigers and they breed those together and they make that one thing. | ||
| It's huge. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, the thing about the liger is I think what happens is Whether it's the male lion or the female tiger, one of them is missing the gene that regulates growth. | ||
| So when you combine koi wolf, yeah. | ||
| The thing about koi wolves though, grizzly polar bear hybrid, yeah. | ||
| A walpin? | ||
| It's a whale and a dolphin? | ||
| What? | ||
| Is that real? | ||
| That must be the smartest animal alive. | ||
| What? | ||
| A whale and a dolphin? | ||
| A walpin is an extremely rare cestation hybrid born from a mating of a female common bottlenose dolphin with a male false killer whale. | ||
| Wow! | ||
| The name applies to a hybrid of a whale and a dolphin, although taxonomically, both are within the oceanic dolphin family, which is within the toothed whale privador. | ||
| There's a lot of fish that are hybrids. | ||
| There's hybrid bass that are like a hybrid between smallmouth and largemouth. | ||
| That happens. | ||
| A jagal lion. | ||
| Oh shit. | ||
| Jag off. | ||
| A beefalo. | ||
| A buffalo that fucked a cow. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| There's quite a few. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| But most of them can't breed. | ||
| Neanderthal. | ||
| Just a neanderthal? | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Most of them can't breed by themselves. | ||
| You can't take two mules and they won't make a mule. | ||
| They just fuck. | ||
| They just get wild. | ||
| They're just getting crazy. | ||
| There's nothing happening. | ||
| Just gay sex. | ||
| Just bad loads. | ||
| Just useless loads. | ||
| Nothing in there. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Just dead loads. | |
| Yeah, because nature's like, no, no, no, you can't be fucking around like this. | ||
| Nature's like, you try once, and then you're done. | ||
| This one's not viable. | ||
| It's interesting like nature is it coded that way or it doesn't like the idea of a dog being able to fuck a horse and make a dog horse like no no, no, no, no, no, no too crazy. | ||
| Too crazy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It knows. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| You have to stay within your species, and if you're different things in the species, like a cat, like a lion and a tiger, no babies for you. | ||
| You can fuck and make one, but that one, not making any new ones. | ||
| That's what that is. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Somehow or another, nature just built in a system. | ||
| It's like, no, no, no. | ||
| It's too crazy. | ||
| Is it, I guess, like Down syndrome? | ||
| How they can't have kids? | ||
| They can, though. | ||
| We can have it. | ||
| No, they can. | ||
| They can have kids, yeah. | ||
| Not only can they have kids, they can have kids that are normal. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Thank you. | |
| Yeah, I'm 99% sure of that. | ||
| Have you ever seen this kind of dog? | ||
| What is that? | ||
| I don't know how to say it. | ||
| Whoa! | ||
| 3,000 year old boy. | ||
| X-O-L-O-I-Z-C-U-I-N-T-L-I. Pronounced show-lo-eats-queen-t-ly. | ||
| Quintly. | ||
| Show-lo-eats-queen-t-ly. | ||
| Show-lo-eats-queen-t-ly. | ||
| You didn't have to call it that. | ||
| You didn't have to call it that. | ||
| I fucked multiple girls with that name. | ||
| The ancient Aztec dog of the gods is today a loving companion and vigilant watchdog. | ||
| The alert and loyal Exlo comes in three sizes and he's either hairless or of coated varieties. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| That hair is awesome. | ||
| That's a 3,000 year old dog. | ||
| That's the wildest shit that all dogs come from wolves. | ||
| So that thing at one point in time was a wolf And the bitch-ass wolves made their way to the campfire and dropped their ears a little bit and kind of relaxed and became friends with the people because the people gave them food. | ||
| And then they became dogs. | ||
| All dogs. | ||
| Even little Carl over there. | ||
| Little tiny Carl. | ||
| At one point in time, many, many, many, many thousands of years ago, Carl was a wolf. | ||
| They don't even know exactly how long ago that process started. | ||
| There's like guesses, but they vary by a couple thousand years. | ||
| But humans did that. | ||
| We did that. | ||
| Yeah, humans did that, 100%. | ||
| Yeah, we did that. | ||
| Cats too or no? | ||
| Cats are like a lot of wild cats. | ||
| There's a lot of different kinds of cats that bred, but the domestic cat of today is very different than most wild cats. | ||
| But they did this thing with foxes. | ||
| In Russia, where they took wild foxes and the ones that were aggressive, that showed any aggression towards people at all, they killed them. | ||
| And the ones that didn't show aggressive, they let them breed. | ||
| And they kept doing this over many, many generations. | ||
| And within a few decades, the fox had completely changed its form. | ||
| They had droopy ears. | ||
| They had big, soft, sweet eyes. | ||
| They had smaller mouths. | ||
| It changed the fox. | ||
| Like, quick. | ||
| Quick. | ||
| Like, in the course of this study. | ||
| So not something that took place over thousands of years, but by killing any one of them that was aggressive, they made only the ones that were, like, sweet and passive survive. | ||
| That's how you get, like, my dog. | ||
| That's how you get Marshall. | ||
| That's how you get Marshall. | ||
| He just, like, any one of those golden retrievers that was mean, they didn't let him breed. | ||
| So what you get is this, like, this big, sweet, loving dog who just loves everybody. | ||
| And that was a wolf. | ||
| That was a wolf. | ||
| But over many, many, many generations of selective breeding, they turned it into this crazy thing. | ||
| I don't know how the fuck they did it, but it just shows you how bizarre nature is. | ||
| That nature can make those adaptations. | ||
| I think about humans. | ||
| I mean, we were just talking about the Aztecs or like Genghis Khan people or Vikings to now. | ||
| Yeah, to now. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Clearly just pacifying it, chilling it out. | ||
| Yeah, and especially these kids on college campuses, they don't even know what gender they are anymore. | ||
| There's no need. | ||
| A lot of them are saying there's no need for gender. | ||
| It's all bullshit. | ||
| That's the direction that things are moving. | ||
| Things are moving into a genderless direction. | ||
| Whether it's being influenced by who, what, how, or when, that's irrelevant. | ||
| What I'm saying is it's clearly moving in that direction. | ||
| And if you didn't have anything to do with the population, if you were something that was completely outside of society looking at us, you'd be like, oh, they're like feminizing. | ||
| They're feminizing everything. | ||
| Also feminizing in terms of even men are behaving like bitches. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| They're behaving like catty wenches. | ||
| And it's also rewarded. | ||
| It's rewarded and it's not disgusting. | ||
| Whereas it would be disgusting behavior for a man to behave like that in a tribal society that requires those men to be strong and stoic. | ||
| You have to be able to sword fight, stupid. | ||
| You have to get rid of that man. | ||
| That guy's a bitch. | ||
| A catty man in a tribe? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What the fuck are we doing? | |
| He's talking to your girl while he was on a raiding party. | ||
| You think, how long do you survive as a male feminist in the tribal society? | ||
| Oh, because I come home, my wife said that, that you said that, and I kill you, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I feel like that's it. | |
| You'd be a part of that column. | ||
| Immediately. | ||
| Yeah, immediately. | ||
| We have to get rid of you. | ||
| Yeah, you have to get rid of you. | ||
| And everyone else in the tribe would be like, oh, thank God you got rid of that guy. | ||
| Yeah, that guy was a problem. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That guy was a fucking problem, dog. | ||
| But if you do that over time, and there's enough safety, we become just like dogs. | ||
| We become some sort of a domesticated version of what was once wolves. | ||
| And I don't know if that's good or bad. | ||
| We're resisting it in some ways because there's still the problem is these passive people are not overall kind. | ||
| They're very aggressive with trying to enforce their ideas on everybody else and you must comply. | ||
| So it's very much like I'm gonna get back at you thing. | ||
| It's being picked on when you were young thing. | ||
| An outsider that's finally a part of a gang and you're like you're gonna enforce these ideas on other people. | ||
| So The ideology is not rooted in compassion, even though it pretends to be. | ||
| It's rooted in, like all the ideologies, it's rooted in control. | ||
| And people are just trying to control people and get everyone else to comply with the way they now see the world. | ||
| And when you're weak and you're doing that, it's not good. | ||
| Because you're angry at the world. | ||
| You're angry at the way you were mistreated or you were an outsider. | ||
| And now you're not. | ||
| Now you're a part of a group. | ||
| And so now you're going to do the exact same thing to people that they did to you. | ||
| You're going to hurt them. | ||
| Just like you got hurt. | ||
| Yeah, bro. | ||
| It's the worst mentality. | ||
| It happened to me. | ||
| Happened to me. | ||
| That's what you hear people say. | ||
| It happened to me. | ||
| That's how it was for me. | ||
| It's like, well, don't you want it to not be that way? | ||
| People don't, man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's just a natural human instinct for fucking whatever bizarre reason, man. | ||
| So it's a control thing. | ||
| That's the scary thing. | ||
| You can't let people control. | ||
| It doesn't mean that you shouldn't let people... | ||
| Drift off into this genderless direction like you do whatever you want to do I think this is happening whether we like it or not I think it's happening with it. | ||
| There's a lot of like chemical influences There's microplastics that are influencing the way testosterone levels are in young people and the development of their sex organs and this This this is gonna be doing something. | ||
| It's gonna be doing something. | ||
| There's propaganda that's actually getting through your phone, too That's affecting the way people reward certain types of behavior and people like to gravitate towards behaviors that are rewarding and If you're a loser and then all of a sudden you're amazing because now you're wearing a dress, you're like, I'm going to keep wearing this dress. | ||
| Everybody fucking hugs me when they see me. | ||
| They think I'm cool. | ||
| They used to think I was a loser. | ||
| God. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you hear that, and you're like, damn, I understand that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I understand it. | |
| I want to be hugged, too. | ||
| But if I was objective, and I wasn't a part of the human race, which I clearly am, if I was looking at it from outside, I would say, like, what is the end goal of this? | ||
| Like, where does this go? | ||
| Well, it's clearly going to some genderless, alien-looking direction. | ||
| I think that's what the aliens are. | ||
| When we see that archetypal alien, the big head, the genderless body, I think that's where we're going. | ||
| I think that's just... | ||
| I think even if aliens aren't real, even if you don't really see them, I think that's an archetype in our head because it's almost like a light on the path that's showing us, this is where you're going. | ||
| You're going to that. | ||
| This futuristic, everyone is one being. | ||
| Vikings, genderless. | ||
| Slowly but surely, right? | ||
| Caveman, Vikings, genderless. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But the thing is, they're not nice. | ||
| You can go that way if you want, but don't try to force it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Don't be mean. | |
| Don't force it on people that were born biologically male. | ||
| There's nothing wrong with that. | ||
| That's the whole reason why you're not speaking German. | ||
| Shut the fuck up. | ||
| This whole idea of toxic masculinity, that's all great until you need someone to help you. | ||
| Until you need it. | ||
| That's all great until you need someone to open up a jar of mayonnaise. | ||
| Shut the fuck up. | ||
| Listen. | ||
| You need all those things. | ||
| You just need people to be nice. | ||
| You need people to be nice that are like savages and people that are nice that are pacifists. | ||
| Everyone should just be nice. | ||
| And we can live like that. | ||
| Just don't fuck with each other. | ||
| Yeah, because you never see them, not never, but it is crazy that they make such a big deal about gender stuff sometimes, and it's like, well, you don't look happy, though. | ||
| You don't look, or you're not being nice about it, which is what you would want. | ||
| But it's because they also feel like they're embattled, right? | ||
| They're in this thing, they're fighting for their cause, and then they exaggerate it like there's a trans genocide, like... | ||
| What? | ||
| Stop. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| You're getting away with too much because you're in a university setting and everybody likes saying you're amazing and no one wants a question. | ||
| No one wants to go, shut the fuck up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because that's the other problem with kids today. | ||
| It's like they only have one thought process. | ||
| There's one ideology. | ||
| It's not a bunch of right-wing people that are fucking camping and making sure they can carry guns to school because it's a school shooter. | ||
| We're going to camp out until we can carry guns into the building. | ||
| No, that's not going to happen. | ||
| So it's like you've got one ideology. | ||
| And the crazy thing is, like, there's two sides to that ideology. | ||
| Because the left wing is always Jewish, too. | ||
| There's not a lot of, like, really hard... | ||
| Leslie, thinking about, like, Ben Shapiro and a few other Dennis Prager, right-wing Jewish folks. | ||
| A lot of Jewish people that we know, they're Democrats. | ||
| They've always been kind of traditionally. | ||
| Like, what percentage... | ||
| Let's find this out. | ||
| What percentage of Jewish people vote Democrat? | ||
| If that's even a poll. | ||
| Has to be. | ||
| Has to be. | ||
| And I bet you the... | ||
| Google knows. | ||
| Google could tell you. | ||
| They don't want to tell you they know. | ||
| They keep your fucking track. | ||
| Yeah, they know. | ||
| They know. | ||
| But I would guarantee you it's a very high number. | ||
| So now you have a conflict amongst that side. | ||
| Because you have one side that says that what's happening in Gaza is genocide. | ||
| And the other side that says Israel has the right to defend itself. | ||
| And that this is, you know, what we did in Iraq after 9-11, what we did in da-da-da after that, what we did in Japan. | ||
| No one's mad at any of them. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| God, I saw it and told me recently. | ||
| Seven in ten Jewish adults identify with or lean towards the Democratic Party and half describe their political views as liberal. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So seven in ten. | ||
| Seventy percent. | ||
| Seventy percent. | ||
| And so inside that party... | ||
| You've got people that are literally on college campuses saying death to the Jews and supporting Hamas. | ||
| And you're supposed to be left-wing too. | ||
| So now you're... | ||
| Look, if I was a country that was trying to destroy America, I would push these ideas. | ||
| This is an interesting subsect. | ||
| The Orthodox Jews, which is one in ten of Jewish adults, is 60 to 75 percent conservative or Republican. | ||
| That makes sense, right? | ||
| Because they're strictly religious, which would make you much more conservative. | ||
| 75% identify as Republicans or lean towards the GOP, and 81% approved for Trump's job performance at the time of the survey. | ||
| Everybody's making money! | ||
| We're making money! | ||
| Trump! | ||
| He's doing it! | ||
| Derek, let's wrap this up. | ||
| You're the fucking man. | ||
| It's been a pleasure getting to know you and becoming friends with you at the store. | ||
| And I just want to thank you for being one of the early adopters coming out here early on. | ||
| And it's been beautiful, man. | ||
| We're having a good fucking time. | ||
| Joe, thank you for changing my life, brother. | ||
| I appreciate you. | ||
| Love you, though. | ||
| I love you, too. | ||
| All right. |
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