Nov. 22, 2023 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:48:53
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
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unidentified
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Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out! | |
| The Joe Rogan Experience. | ||
| Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day! | ||
| What's up, young man? | ||
| Ralph Barboza on the way up. | ||
| What's happening? | ||
| Hey, it's good to be here. | ||
| Good to have you, man. | ||
| I hear good things about you. | ||
| I was just talking to Brian Simpson about you today. | ||
| I'm a huge Brian Simpson fan. | ||
| I love that dude. | ||
| We were working out today and he was saying great things about you. | ||
| No offense to Brian Simpson, but he works out? | ||
| I never thought I'd hear it like that. | ||
| He does now. | ||
| Hell yeah. | ||
| Yeah, he's been working out with me for three weeks now. | ||
| I got a little comedy boot camp going on over here. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| Yeah, Shane Gillis, Duncan Trussell, Hassan Ahmad, Brian Simpson, and me, we get together and get some workouts in. | ||
| All those guys are living down here? | ||
| Yeah, they're all living down here. | ||
| That's dope, man. | ||
| Austin's pretty dope. | ||
| Austin's dope right now. | ||
|
unidentified
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Hell yeah. | |
| It's a great spot. | ||
| I popped in here yesterday to Austin, and I feel like I didn't used to be able to do this, but yeah, it was dope, man. | ||
| I got to go do a spot at the creek, and then I got to go to your spot, got to do the little boy. | ||
| Nice. | ||
| Yeah, it's been dope, man. | ||
| Yeah, it's fun. | ||
| Austin's like, it's a new thing. | ||
| It's like an exciting thing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, it used to be like, before COVID, Austin was, as far as Texas goes, Austin was like the place to go if you were too scared to like go to New York or LA. People were like, just go to Austin, you know? | ||
| It stayed busy. | ||
| But it was also like very woke. | ||
| And so you had to be like real careful. | ||
|
unidentified
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And now it's like, nah, it's just, yes. | |
| It's buck wild. | ||
|
unidentified
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I like that. | |
| Yeah, it's buck wild. | ||
| Yeah, well, you know what it is? | ||
| It's Kill Tony. | ||
| Because Kill Tony's here, that show, it sets the standard. | ||
| Because it's all just about being funny. | ||
| And people realize, like, this idea that you're supposed to have some sort of fucking social message in your comedy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I also think it's just a lot of Californians and New Yorkers as well. | ||
| Because everybody started moving down here to be able to actually be on stage from New York or LA during COVID. And yeah, I feel like when they got here, they were like, you know, be careful. | ||
| But everybody from California and New York was just like, no. | ||
| Well, it depends on where you're from. | ||
| There's pockets of people that are enchanted by the wokeness in all sections of the country. | ||
| It depends. | ||
| If you're coming from the Comedy Store, it's just about being funny. | ||
| But if you're coming from some of the other clubs in LA, maybe it's not. | ||
| It's Hollywood, man. | ||
| It's like movies and TV. They're all run by executives and you have to think like they think or you don't get hired. | ||
| Well, I think another reason that it got so bug wild, though, is because during COVID, If you were coming here, it's because you were already like, man, fuck the fucking COVID rules. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| If you're really that safe person, you're probably also that woke comedian. | ||
| So I feel like those people stayed back while everybody who was ready to get bug wild came down to bug wild town and got bug wild. | ||
| I think you nailed it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think you nailed it. | ||
| Because the people that came here were like, fuck this. | ||
| Fuck telling me that I can't do stand-up. | ||
| Fuck telling me I can't go to a restaurant. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Especially when you go on the road and you realize that if you just live in LA and you never leave LA, you think the world is LA. And then you go to Nashville and you go, oh, they haven't lost their mind. | ||
| They didn't lose their mind in Nashville. | ||
| They were normal. | ||
| Like you go to Dallas. | ||
| They didn't lose their mind in Dallas. | ||
| People kind of got a little freaked out for COVID for a couple of weeks and everybody sort of just settled in. | ||
| California never settled in, man. | ||
| It never settled in. | ||
| It's still there. | ||
| I've been seeing people with masks on this week. | ||
| I see that a lot too. | ||
| I remember when I came down to Austin a few times during COVID, to a lot of the comics from LA, you were like, Jesus Christ. | ||
| They were waiting on you to ride with your club, dude. | ||
| I was like, you guys are putting too much pressure on Joe Rogan, man. | ||
| It's a lot of pressure, bro. | ||
| I think it's not all LA comics, but there were a few that maybe felt like the Austin comics weren't showing love to the LA comics. | ||
| They were like, man, they put us last on the mics. | ||
| They don't book us on the shows. | ||
| LA comics got to do our own thing. | ||
| But they were like, just wait, man. | ||
| I heard a couple guys say this. | ||
| They were like, just wait, man. | ||
| When Joe opens up his club, it's over. | ||
| We'll be back on top. | ||
| But I feel like you brought everybody together, man. | ||
| Yeah, everybody should be together. | ||
| This is a fun artist community, and it should be fun for everybody. | ||
| There's no us versus them. | ||
|
unidentified
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Shut up. | |
| We're all comics. | ||
| Stop with the silliness. | ||
| The Austin comic, LA comic, New York comic. | ||
| I think it was only for a little bit during COVID when everybody's just rushing in. | ||
| Everybody was freaking out just about change in the world. | ||
| There was a lot of weird shit going on in the world, and everybody had a higher level of anxiety. | ||
| To take a chance when you're young and you're coming up and everybody tells you LA is where you have to be. | ||
| Are you a 27, 28-year-old comic? | ||
| Oh my god, you gotta get to LA. That's what I had always heard. | ||
| You gotta get to LA. You gotta get to LA. It's not the case anymore. | ||
| That's not real anymore. | ||
| The thing that helps you more than anything is podcasts. | ||
| That's the thing that helps you more than anything. | ||
| Number one, social media, podcasts. | ||
| Look how big you got so quick from a couple clips. | ||
| Just a couple clips. | ||
| You know it as well as anybody. | ||
| If you've got good shit, now it gets out. | ||
| There is not a TV show in the world that would have done that for you. | ||
| You would have had to be the star. | ||
| If you were living in the 90s, you'd have to be the star of some NBC sitcom to sell the kind of tickets you're selling right now. | ||
| Just from clips online. | ||
| It's beautiful. | ||
| For comedians, it's the greatest thing that's ever happened. | ||
| I feel like it's letting people decide who gets to blow up. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Like, I don't know what it used to be like, because I wasn't there. | ||
| But I feel like it used to be the industry kind of decides when you get your break or not. | ||
| Like, do they put you on this show or that movie? | ||
| They sort of do, but stand-up has always, at least partially, been a meritocracy. | ||
| The quality of your stand-up is the most important thing. | ||
| Whether or not people are laughing. | ||
| It's always been the most important thing. | ||
| So if someone is undeniable, they always come through. | ||
| They always come through. | ||
| But they also have to be a hard worker. | ||
| There's too many guys that are really good that just go to one club or they don't go on the road. | ||
| There's too many guys that like they missed this window of opportunity where they could have been like real national headliners and they just never developed a following out there in the world. | ||
| They fucked up. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| I know a handful of comics like back home or in New York or LA who I feel like are some of the funniest people in the world and don't have a lick of work ethic so the world will never know. | ||
| It's horrible. | ||
| But some of them, it's not the work ethic. | ||
| Some of them get jobs, like in the business, like they're writers or like Owen Smith, who is one of the top 20 stand-up comics alive. | ||
| Owen Smith is a fucking killer. | ||
| His shit is so tight. | ||
| He's so smooth on stage. | ||
| You look at him, you're like, how is this guy not selling out arenas? | ||
| How is this guy not selling out arenas? | ||
| It's because Owen had great jobs. | ||
| He got a bunch of great jobs. | ||
| Like, he runs sitcoms and stuff, runs shows, he's a writer. | ||
| But goddamn, when you look at the quality of his stand-up, like, man, you should be everywhere. | ||
| You should be everywhere. | ||
| I mean, to each their own. | ||
| If he's happy, he's happy, right? | ||
| Yeah, I think the writer's strike probably freaked him out. | ||
| I think the writer's strike and the actor's strike freaked a lot of those guys out. | ||
| They're like, oh, shit. | ||
| Because if they just pulled a plug for five, six months... | ||
| In some sort of contract negotiations, like some of those executives were literally saying, wait these people out when they start losing their homes. | ||
| Yeah, I saw that. | ||
| That's some cutthroat shit. | ||
| That's wild. | ||
| Imagine if you got to go to work with those people after that. | ||
| Imagine you know that's how they feel about you. | ||
| I couldn't do that. | ||
| I mean, I already didn't go that route. | ||
| I don't know if I could ever go that route. | ||
| You could have gone that route in the 90s. | ||
| In the 90s? | ||
| It was the only option, man. | ||
| In the 90s, when I first came to Hollywood in 94, that was what everybody wanted. | ||
| You wanted what Jerry Seinfeld had. | ||
| You wanted what Roseanne had. | ||
| It was Brett Butler, who was that show called again? | ||
| Grace Under Fire. | ||
| That was a big show. | ||
| Tim Allen. | ||
| You wanted to be a comic that got a sitcom. | ||
| That was the shit, dude! | ||
| If you were a comic that got a shit sitcom, now you got a house in Beverly Hills, you're fucking born out of control, you're driving a Ferrari, woo! | ||
| You made it. | ||
| That's what everybody wanted. | ||
| This was like the goal, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And somewhere along the line, I think it was like the 2000s, reality shows came around. | ||
| Everybody wanted a reality show? | ||
| They're so cheap to make. | ||
| They're so cheap to make. | ||
| And you don't, I mean, you have like, you barely pay the people that are on them. | ||
| Like all those Real Housewives and shit, they're not like making millions of dollars, I don't think. | ||
| You think they are? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| How much does they make? | ||
| Now I'd like to know just so I can talk shit to them. | ||
| I think maybe the new ones do. | ||
| Obviously the Kardashians make a shitload of money, but I think they own their show. | ||
| But what about like... | ||
| The point is they're way easier to make than a sitcom. | ||
| Way easier. | ||
| Like Fear Factor was complicated in the stunts and all the stuff they had to do, but you don't have to write a script. | ||
| All that stuff plays out On its own. | ||
| It's like people competing. | ||
| It plays out. | ||
| The drama just happens. | ||
| And you have good editing, good music, and all that shit. | ||
| But it's sitcom, man. | ||
| To write a good one? | ||
| Bro, that shit is brutal. | ||
| Yeah, props to writers, man. | ||
| Props to writers. | ||
| Props to writers. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| TV in general just kind of scares me. | ||
| Acting, writing. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| You're just so... | ||
| Attached to other people's opinions of you. | ||
| You're constantly getting chosen for stuff. | ||
| I feel like even though I've never done that, I do get tired of comments. | ||
| I know they say never read the comments, but I'll read them. | ||
| But it'll be like, I can take a joke, I can take getting roasted, especially if it's people who follow me. | ||
| It kind of feels like, oh, well, I mean, they follow. | ||
| It's some sort of support. | ||
| It feels like you're getting roasted by, like, your cousin. | ||
| Like, hey, still on my team, fuck it. | ||
| But the ones that, like, piss me off, like, I don't know why they shouldn't, but they just throw me over there. | ||
| It's like, I want to fucking hit this guy in the face. | ||
| It's like, if I just left, like, let's say I did Miami last month. | ||
| Or, like, two weeks ago. | ||
| And then I post, like, a flyer for next month's shows. | ||
| And people are like, what the fuck, you avoiding Miami? | ||
| I'm like, hey, dumbass, I was just there, like, two weeks ago. | ||
| Like, when'd you start following me, asshole? | ||
| Like, stop making me look like I don't show your shitty love. | ||
| You can't pay attention to that. | ||
| That's just someone who doesn't look at schedules. | ||
| I hate it. | ||
| Yeah, but that's a crazy person. | ||
| That's a lack of information. | ||
| Yeah, but I don't know why. | ||
| I stopped checking social media. | ||
| I'll check it like once. | ||
| Throughout the day. | ||
| And if I happen to catch your message or your comment, I catch it. | ||
| If not, fuck it. | ||
| Like, tomorrow. | ||
| You know what it's like, man? | ||
| It's like when you're out at, like, a party or a club or something like that. | ||
| And someone yells across you. | ||
| Yo, what's up, Ralph? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, and you're like, hey, what's up, man? | ||
| He goes, dude, I'm a fan. | ||
| What's up? | ||
| How you doing? | ||
| Then he'll give you some love. | ||
| But he's like checking you to see if you'll like react to him. | ||
| Bro, somebody... | ||
| That's kind of what they're doing in the comments. | ||
| What, you don't come to Miami? | ||
| Man, yeah. | ||
| Somebody tried to do that in like, I think it was Denver. | ||
| I was already pretty drunk and I was tripping off mushrooms, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ha ha ha! | |
| And I was like in a playful mood. | ||
| I can't help it. | ||
| And some guy stopped me while I was walking out of the club. | ||
| And he was like, yo, Ralph? | ||
| And I don't know why my first reaction instantly was just to be like, yo, Rodrigo? | ||
| And I didn't know who he was or nothing. | ||
| I was just like, huh? | ||
| Like, we're guessing people's names now? | ||
| And he just like, he went blank face. | ||
| He's like, what? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And I was like, I'm fucking with you, man. | ||
| I was like, what's your name? | ||
| And he was like, Eric or something. | ||
| I was like, yo, Eric? | ||
| And then I was like, nice to meet you, bro. | ||
| And I was like, my bad, man. | ||
| I just walked off. | ||
| And when we were outside, man, it was like snowy, icy. | ||
| We're outside. | ||
| And that same, I'm pretty sure it was that same dude. | ||
| He was like, hey, Ralph. | ||
| He's like, man, you pussy, bro. | ||
| And I was like, what's up? | ||
| I was like, what's your deal, bro? | ||
| What's going on? | ||
| I had a feeling like he was, because he was still real smiley. | ||
| I had a feeling he was just fucking me or something. | ||
| I was like, what's up man? | ||
| What's your deal? | ||
| He's like, what? | ||
| I was like, what's up bro? | ||
| What's your deal? | ||
| He's like, what's my deal? | ||
| And I felt so cool because I was smoking a cigarette. | ||
| I was like, what you want to do, bro? | ||
| And my friend Luis was really drunk. | ||
| That dude just loves to fight. | ||
| Luis pointed at my buddy Vince, who's like the nerdiest guy in the world. | ||
| He's a writer for that show This Fool. | ||
| Super nerdy guy with glasses. | ||
| He's like, you see this guy, bro? | ||
| He knows MMA. He doesn't, though. | ||
| I don't think Vince has ever been in a fight. | ||
| That dude was like, nah, I'm fucking with you, man. | ||
| I'm sorry, bro. | ||
| I'm sorry. | ||
| But I was just kind of waiting for him to come at me. | ||
| Usually, if I get into a fight, I'm going to get the first hit. | ||
| I'm a small dude. | ||
| I'm not going to risk getting knocked out on the first punch. | ||
| I'm not like, if he hits me, then I'll hit him. | ||
| If there's a fight that's going to happen, I'm fucking swinging first. | ||
| I'm going to lose either way, most likely, but I'm going to at least start swinging first before you knock me out. | ||
| But I wanted him to come to me because it was so snowy and icy. | ||
| I was like, if I start walking and I fucking slip, I want him to risk slipping first before I risk slipping. | ||
| Yeah, ice fighting is not smart. | ||
| Yeah, it was the day before the Netflix special came out, so I was like, I'm not going to have a video of me getting knocked out in the ice come out the day before the special. | ||
| You have to know jujitsu if you're going to fight in the ice. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| If you're fighting someone on a slippery surface, all you have to do is grab them, and you're both going to the ground. | ||
| Alright, I'm going to keep that in mind. | ||
| Yeah, but don't fight. | ||
| Don't fight, man. | ||
| Don't fight on ice. | ||
| I feel like it's coming. | ||
| Don't fight with mice. | ||
| I'm getting heated just talking about this. | ||
| Don't fight, Ralph. | ||
| You're a wild young kid. | ||
| Don't do it. | ||
| You got a great career. | ||
| Don't fight. | ||
| Don't be fighting people. | ||
| If you want to fight, go to a gym. | ||
| I went to a boxing gym for a little bit earlier this year. | ||
| I went for like two months. | ||
| That'd be good for you. | ||
| Yeah, I liked it. | ||
| I want to do something different, though. | ||
| Boxing is one of the very best things ever for relieving tension. | ||
| If you're fucking tense, you got too much going on in your world, man, you just put on some good tunes. | ||
| I have a Wu-Tang playlist that I play when I hit the bag. | ||
| I'd go like early... | ||
| Like early in the morning for like private sessions. | ||
| And that's what I would put on some Wu-Tang, some RZA. RZA specifically. | ||
| He has that one song that like, you can't stop me now. | ||
| It's like a boxing classic. | ||
| RZA's got so many jams. | ||
| But for me, number one is protect your neck. | ||
| That has to be on every playlist. | ||
| And... | ||
| That's like when we would drive to the arena shows and we'd sometimes get a police escort and there's something wild about cop cars with flashing lights and you're listening to protect your neck. | ||
| Nice. | ||
| I've never had a police escort, but one time in a parking lot, I had a security guard escort. | ||
| They have the yellow lights. | ||
| Those aren't as threatening or as fun, the yellow lights. | ||
| No, that's not as fun. | ||
| You need blue lights. | ||
| It was also like a shopping center parking lot. | ||
| It's not exactly an arena. | ||
| Dude, some of the best comedy clubs ever in those little shopping center mall places. | ||
| Little fucking clubs that you would never imagine were great. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Little funny bones? | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| Shit, there's some... | ||
| I've never been to that one that's at the Mall of America, but I heard that's dope, too. | ||
| That was, like, the first club I got to do, like, when I started hitting the road. | ||
| That was, like... | ||
| Or second club. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It was like November, like early November of 2022. Are you from Dallas? | ||
| Are you from Dallas? | ||
| So, like, Minnesota winter is a different thing, man. | ||
| Oh, I loved it. | ||
| I love the cold. | ||
| I'm tired of the heat. | ||
| Yeah, I'm so sick of the heat. | ||
| Oh, that's funny. | ||
| I finally had a reason to wear a jacket. | ||
| See, I grew up in Boston. | ||
| Ah, so you're used to the cold. | ||
| It's cold as fuck in Boston. | ||
| And I'm like, fuck the cold. | ||
| Dude, you can heat me up. | ||
| That doesn't bother me at all. | ||
| I know people die in the cold. | ||
| People die in their car in the cold. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| In the heat, all you have to do is get in the shade, get water, don't be stupid, be in reasonably good shape, and you can get away with it. | ||
| If there's like woods and you have water, if it's the cold... | ||
| You're fucked. | ||
| But I love it, man. | ||
| I'm skinny. | ||
| I just layer up. | ||
| We're like two, three jackets. | ||
| Oh, that's great. | ||
| As long as there's a place to get warm. | ||
| That's the thing. | ||
| You can't survive unless you can get warm. | ||
| That's the difference. | ||
| Everybody's worried about global warming. | ||
| Global cooling is what freaks me out. | ||
| Ice ages freak me out. | ||
| Yo, when Texas froze a couple years ago, I was, I was somebody, I think I was watching like a video on Instagram, somebody was just like, if climate change like keeps getting worse, that will happen, but like for longer periods of time, or for like colder temperatures. | ||
| If that's true, then yeah, I'm pretty scared. | ||
| Bro, that's all guesswork. | ||
| Everyone's guessing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's definitely an impact. | ||
| It's undeniable that human beings have an impact. | ||
| But here's the problem. | ||
| The climate is never the same. | ||
| It's never steady forever. | ||
| If you go back to like 1934 in, I think it was Wyoming, got to like 118 degrees. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| Yeah, something crazy like that. | ||
| God, I don't remember where I saw this. | ||
| I guess that's why they call it climate change. | ||
| It's because of the Dust Bowl. | ||
| The Dust Bowl. | ||
| What was that? | ||
| I always hear about that. | ||
| Climate change. | ||
| The dust bowl. | ||
| I mean, this is not exactly what it was, but a lot of it was the bad farming and drought. | ||
| It caused a bunch of bad crops, and they all turned to, like, shit. | ||
| They turned to dust. | ||
| And it created giant dust storms all over the, like, western part of the country. | ||
| And that heated things up? | ||
| It led to a bunch of shit in the air that, like, caused problems with the storms and the sun, and it definitely did heat things up. | ||
| I bet they thought the world was ending right then and there. | ||
| That's wild. | ||
| But anyway, the point is, if you go back in time, you know, when they do these things called core samples. | ||
| So they take this giant slab of the earth, you know, hundreds of feet down. | ||
| And through that, you can, you know what, they do carbon testing. | ||
| So they know, like, this is from a thousand years ago, this is from two thousand years ago. | ||
| When they do that, it's all over the place, man. | ||
| They have these charts of the temperature of the earth throughout history. | ||
| Have you ever seen them? | ||
| They go like this all over the place, even before people. | ||
| It's always been wacky. | ||
| I'm learning a lot, man. | ||
| Learning about Hollywood in the 90s and climate change. | ||
| Bro, I'm here to teach. | ||
| This is such a one-sided podcast, man. | ||
| It's not even fair. | ||
| No, it's not. | ||
| Come on, man. | ||
| It's not, dude. | ||
| I was thinking about that on the way over here. | ||
| It's a conversation, brother. | ||
| It is, but do you realize how this is... | ||
| Bro, it's not even fair, bro. | ||
| I have everything to gain here. | ||
| Like me... | ||
| I'm 27, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| And, you know, you're Joe Rogan. | ||
| You got the experience. | ||
| You got the podcast. | ||
| You got all this knowledge in the world of comedy business. | ||
| If I just listen, I'm gonna learn some shit today. | ||
| But you, you gotta talk to like a 27-year-old. | ||
| Like, what do you even talk about? | ||
| Like, everything we've talked about, I'm learning. | ||
| This is my first time. | ||
| Come on, man. | ||
| I love what you're doing right now. | ||
| I really do. | ||
| I love comics on the rise. | ||
| It's exciting to me. | ||
| Oh, comedy's fun. | ||
| I love comedy. | ||
| I love good comics. | ||
| And I love when people get better at shit. | ||
| And I love watching it. | ||
| I really do. | ||
| I love watching people crack. | ||
| It's fun. | ||
| I'm definitely trying to get better. | ||
| You're fucking great, man. | ||
| You're funny as shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You're cool. | |
| You're relaxed. | ||
| You're smooth on stage. | ||
| You've got a lot going for you, man. | ||
| And I love it. | ||
| Sometimes I won't be smooth on stage. | ||
| Sometimes I'll have a burst of energy and I'll let it out and I'll have fun that way. | ||
| And I can tell some of the audience is like, ah, this is fun. | ||
| And some of them think I'm on drugs because they've never seen that. | ||
| They're like, he's coked out. | ||
| I'm not a coke guy, though. | ||
| I'm not. | ||
| I want people to know that. | ||
| If you've ever seen me on stage and I'm not, like, super mellow and I'm actually energetic, just know it's not drugs. | ||
| Mushrooms, maybe. | ||
| Not anything else, though. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I know a few guys who had problems with coke who did coke and then did stand-up, and they said it fucked their stand-up up. | ||
| Yeah, I bet. | ||
| I'm sober on stage like 98% of the time. | ||
| Yeah, you're smoother that way. | ||
| I like a drink. | ||
| I like a drink every now and again. | ||
| A little puff and a drink. | ||
| Sometimes you need that just to kind of lose like... | ||
| Just to get in the fun mood. | ||
| Just we're having fun, you know? | ||
| Yeah, for sure. | ||
| Sometimes you might be a little stressed, depending on what's going on in your day or your week, and you need, like, a shot, a couple hits to, like, take that off a little bit. | ||
| Just take that edge off and just say, come on, Ralph, enjoy this shit. | ||
| You're on a fun ride. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Let's go. | ||
| I just... | ||
| I try to chill sometimes just because I know that if I do start drinking, I'm not going to stop. | ||
| Like, I'm not a few beers in the night. | ||
| If I have two shows, I might drink a beer or two before the second show. | ||
| I might drink another couple beers on the stage. | ||
| But I'm also, like, when I'm on... | ||
| Like the West Coast, from Texas to the West, my audiences are like 100% Mexican. | ||
| Like there's no type of mix. | ||
| And if you drink in front of a non-Mexican crowd, they're just going to keep like, chug, chug, chug. | ||
| And there's no satisfying them. | ||
| I learned my lesson. | ||
| If you chug one, you'll have to chug another. | ||
| If you chug the next one, you'll be eight beers in wanting to throw up on stage. | ||
| More dudes are going to bring you beers. | ||
| Let me get him one too. | ||
| Yeah, so like, I won't drink on stage. | ||
| If I do, I'll let them know like, I'm not fucking, you're not doing this to me. | ||
| Yeah, they can take you down a rabbit hole. | ||
| But after the show, if I already started drinking after the show, I'll keep it going. | ||
| Mitzi's is a fun place to be after the shows. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Where? | |
| Mitzi's. | ||
| The bar downstairs at the mothership. | ||
| Oh, yeah? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Tonight. | |
| Tonight after the shows, we're going downstairs. | ||
| Alright, alright. | ||
| It's great. | ||
| Whole staff's partying. | ||
| Mitzi's. | ||
| Just hanging out. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's a great vibe. | ||
| It's a real great sense of community and home. | ||
| You know, that it's a real, like, home base. | ||
| You know? | ||
| You need home bases when you're on the road a lot. | ||
| I do. | ||
| I think you do, too. | ||
| Keep you human. | ||
| That's what we used to have at the store. | ||
| It was a home base. | ||
| All these guys that would tour on the weekends, we'd all meet each other at the bar, at the bar downstairs. | ||
| It was a comedian's only bar. | ||
| It was this beautiful bar, and the bar itself was Mitzi's. | ||
| It was from her home, and they moved it. | ||
| When she moved out of her home, they moved it and they put it in this one. | ||
| So you knew it was like, you're holding on to Mitzi's bar. | ||
| This is hers. | ||
| This is her bar. | ||
| You feel her bar when you put your hand down, when you have a drink. | ||
| You set it down on Mitzi's bar. | ||
| There was something about that, man. | ||
| And then we're, you know, Ron White's back there and fucking Dave Chappelle's back there. | ||
| Dave brings his own music sometimes. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| It's beautiful. | ||
| I fucking love that. | ||
| Beautiful. | ||
| It's just a hang, man. | ||
| And so that's what we do at The Mothership. | ||
| Dave has good music. | ||
| He's always got the best music. | ||
| I always have Shazam on point. | ||
| I have it set up, so I tap the back of my phone three times, and Shazam pops up. | ||
| I just have it on the little pull-down menu or whatever. | ||
| I don't know what you call it. | ||
| I don't want to show you my messages. | ||
| I got a new case. | ||
| It's a little thick. | ||
| I might have fucked up my tapping. | ||
| That was like the sweetest thing. | ||
| I could tap three times. | ||
| Boom, boom, boom. | ||
| You're going to have to work out your hands more. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, there you go. | |
| See, Shazam comes up. | ||
| Hell yeah. | ||
| Yeah, I got to get better finger strength. | ||
| Got to get better... | ||
| You're telling me, buddy. | ||
| Got to work on my piano skills. | ||
| I imagine piano players, man. | ||
| That kind of dexterity in your fingers. | ||
| Piano and guitar, anything you could do with your fingers like that, that's some wild dexterity that people have. | ||
| There's Instagram videos. | ||
| I got a trick for that. | ||
| There's no need for dexterity these days. | ||
| I mean, if you're going to play a full-on song, then yeah, you need dexterity and actual piano lessons. | ||
| But if you're the type of guy like me who just every now and then comes across a piano and you want to impress people, there's these Instagram videos that have like four keys tops. | ||
| And if you play like the keys the way they tell you, it's a simple little pattern, but it sounds like you're doing a bunch. | ||
| It sounds like you have dexterity. | ||
| So it's cool. | ||
| I just like to trick people. | ||
| I have no real skills. | ||
| I just... | ||
| Well, that's a skill. | ||
| You just have a very small skill. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like you were playing pool earlier with Jake. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You can make a ball, right? | ||
| That's a skill. | ||
| You're just not a professional pool player. | ||
| That's the difference. | ||
| I know enough to get by. | ||
| I'm like Leo on Catch Me If You Can. | ||
| I'll get by, I'll get some money, but there won't be a real career here. | ||
| Well, you know, that's one of the beautiful things about anything. | ||
| Like, you learn, and then you realize how much more there is to learn. | ||
| Like, I remember when I first started doing stand-up, you know, all you're trying to do is just get a laugh. | ||
| All you're trying to do is, like, figure out how to not drown up there. | ||
| And slowly but surely try to find things that you think are funny. | ||
| But you're getting better. | ||
| Over time, for sure, everybody gets better. | ||
| All of us get better. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| And there's something about that that's fucking cool. | ||
| And it seems to never end, man. | ||
| That's what I love about stand-up. | ||
| I've always loved to learn. | ||
| I've had various jobs just for the sake of learning that specific little trade. | ||
| But stand-up was the first thing that I was like, man, this is never ending. | ||
| I'm never going to finish learning. | ||
| I'm never going to finish getting as good as I want to get. | ||
| So that's the one that I really stuck to. | ||
| Yeah, it's a beautiful thing too because you get this amazing feedback from all these people and you make them feel better. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like when people leave a great show, they have this fucking smile on their face like, oh shit, that was great. | ||
| That was so fun. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That was so fun. | ||
| Sometimes girls want to have sex with you after. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You're bringing joy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You're just bringing joy to all these people. | ||
| But you're getting better at it too. | ||
| Dom Herrera said that to me once. | ||
| And Dom at the time was in his 60s. | ||
| And he's like, Joe, I don't think I've ever been sharper. | ||
| He goes, like, all these sets at the store, he goes, I feel like stand-up is an amazing thing. | ||
| Because you can just keep getting better at it. | ||
| I'm motivated to do more of it, whether I kill or I bomb. | ||
| Because if I bomb, I'm like, bro, would I have to fix that? | ||
| Have you seen Ron White lately? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-mm. | |
| Ron White's sober now. | ||
| He doesn't drink anymore. | ||
| Better than ever. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| Better than ever. | ||
| You see, that's why I want to stay sober. | ||
| Murdering. | ||
| Murdering. | ||
| I mean murdering. | ||
| Ron White's a fucking assassin. | ||
| And he's like never been sharper. | ||
| New bits. | ||
| Always working on new shit. | ||
| Constantly rolling out new material. | ||
| He's going on tour again. | ||
| He was going to have a retirement party. | ||
| I'm like, bitch, you ain't retiring. | ||
| I don't think you could retire with stand-up. | ||
| I mean, what do I know but? | ||
| He was saying that he was just going to do the club. | ||
| I'll just do the mothership. | ||
| I'm like, yeah, for a while you're just going to do the mothership. | ||
| But you're going to get that itch. | ||
| I don't know what he's going through or anything, but I feel like this is the type of game where you could try to retire, you could try to take breaks, but man, there's no finishing this. | ||
| It's too fun. | ||
| Yeah, there's just no way to finish. | ||
| And you're doing it with people that are like you. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We're weirdos. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We can find other comics to hang out with. | ||
| They're the most forgiving comics. | ||
| Understanding, ridiculous people. | ||
| Talk shit to each other all the time. | ||
| Everyone's laughing. | ||
| That green room at the mothership, at any given night, it is just like a full-on show. | ||
| And we're all howling at each other. | ||
| You know, Hinchcliffe's cracking on people. | ||
| Shane Gillis is cracking on people. | ||
| Ron White chimes in. | ||
| Brian Simpson dumps on people. | ||
| It's wild back there. | ||
| We're having so much fun. | ||
| Just all laughing at each other. | ||
| Just all falling down on the ground, slapping tables. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Just... | |
| It's fucking dope, man. | ||
| It's beautiful. | ||
| It's hard to go back from that. | ||
| When you get used to talking shit with comics... | ||
| My group of friends that I grew up with, we talked heavy amounts of shit to each other. | ||
| There was no line. | ||
| And I feel like with comics, you can do that too. | ||
| Everybody's just shooting the shit. | ||
| But it's tough sometimes going home or trying to... | ||
| I've dated people where I meet their family or whatever, and you start to get a little comfortable, but you forget that their line is way fucking... | ||
| Way, way, way, way down the road. | ||
| Yeah, and I'm like, fuck. | ||
| You passed their line in the third grade. | ||
| Yeah, I've said some jokes in front of the family of girls I've dated or something like that, where they're just like, holy shit, man. | ||
| I'm like, alright, my bad, my bad. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's tough to go back. | ||
| But sometimes I kind of miss that, too, to be around somebody who's, like, not a comic. | ||
| Like, I don't know. | ||
| My uncle has a body shop. | ||
| And sometimes there's just random dudes that'll go hang out, dudes that are getting their cars painted there. | ||
| And sometimes I, like, miss those guys. | ||
| Because I remember them just talking shit about, like... | ||
| Just random things. | ||
| Just regular dudes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Sometimes they're curious about things and they don't have the knowledge of like the celebrity world or like the outside this or that. | ||
| They're just kind of shooting the shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Sometimes I do kind of miss those convos, but I don't know. | ||
| I don't like them getting mad at jokes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I know what you're saying. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, I got a lot of friends that have regular jobs. | ||
| One of my best friends, he works as a maintenance guy at high school. | ||
| I've known him since I was like 24, 23. Do you ever imagine, like... | ||
| Shout out to Tommy Jr. Yo, what up, Tommy Jr.? | ||
| Do you ever imagine, like... | ||
| Going back to something like that like to like regular life. | ||
| Yeah, do you ever yeah? | ||
| Yeah, well, I think Everybody that gets real famous. | ||
| There's a certain amount of pressure that comes with that that's not comfortable for some people You know like you think how it is like reading your comments you imagine if I read my comments I was going to ask you about that too. | ||
| Do you ever read them? | ||
| No. | ||
| They're not good for you. | ||
| They're not? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| I think the bad ones are not good for you and the good ones aren't good for you either. | ||
| No. | ||
| They can't be. | ||
| Because you got to stay you no matter what. | ||
| And that's difficult. | ||
| A lot of guys lose their mind. | ||
| I've lost my mind a few times and got it back, but you could lose your mind. | ||
| You could get lost in other people's opinions of you, who are you really. | ||
| You need at least some amount of time in your day to self-reflect. | ||
| Just self-reflect. | ||
| You know if you half-assed something or if you did a good job. | ||
| You know if you're prepared for something the way you should have. | ||
| You know. | ||
| You know. | ||
| You know if a show went well. | ||
| You know if a show sucked. | ||
| You know you were off. | ||
| You didn't have anything. | ||
| It was something. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Anything. | |
| Whatever it is. | ||
| You know. | ||
| And if you don't spend enough time thinking about that and working on those things, whether it's with your personal life or your stand-up or your hobbies or anything that you're doing, if you don't have at least some time Where you're not thinking about other people's opinions, but you're just looking at it yourself. | ||
| Then you got too much noise coming in. | ||
| And too much noise. | ||
| Fuck you! | ||
| Fuck you! | ||
| And then you see people where their whole life is engaged in these meaningless disputes with people. | ||
| Meaningless. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Energy that you could spend on positive things. | ||
| Like friendships. | ||
| Like a hobby that you enjoy. | ||
| Like your loved ones. | ||
| Like positive things about life. | ||
| And I think, for some people, they get trapped in this world of other people's opinions, and they don't take enough time to look at themselves. | ||
| Like, think about yourself. | ||
| Think about you. | ||
| Think about what you're doing. | ||
| I'm learning. | ||
| Yeah, I'm learning that. | ||
| At least for me, I don't know. | ||
| I feel like stand-up is a lot like a fight, or like racing a car. | ||
| Everybody can have an opinion on why you won it, why you lost it, the race, but nobody's really in the car with you. | ||
| Nobody saw if you actually shifted wrong or correctly or if it was because you ducked when you should have punched or something. | ||
| Only you know. | ||
| Only you know. | ||
| Yeah, learning that. | ||
| Yeah, but I guess that's the case with everything. | ||
| And there's nothing wrong with people expressing opinions. | ||
| But I just don't think it's good for you to get engaged with them. | ||
| I just don't think that's mentally healthy. | ||
| Oh, I've engaged. | ||
| I'm sure! | ||
| I engaged for like a good two hours. | ||
| But here's where I fucked up. | ||
| Not only engaging, is I waited to post a clip. | ||
| And I had a feeling that a few people would talk some shit. | ||
| So I waited to post it on an afternoon where I'd have some time to engage. | ||
| Like, I knew I would engage. | ||
| Yeah, I was like, nah, because I want to see what people say, right? | ||
| But after a while, I was like, alright, I've engaged enough. | ||
| But yeah, after that, I was like, nah, I'm not doing this again. | ||
| That was kind of my, like, alright, I'm good on engaging point. | ||
| That was when I realized, like, I should not check social media anymore, or not as often. | ||
| I posted a clip making fun of Latino Republicans. | ||
| I didn't even, like, say anything harsh. | ||
| They got mad. | ||
| I didn't say... | ||
| All I said is they look weird. | ||
| That's, like, the heaviest thing I said. | ||
| Was that it's weird to see a dude with an accent be like, we gotta stop immigrants, you know? | ||
|
unidentified
|
You're like... | |
| Because you're like wondering when they got here. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I was like, I don't know if you're saying they're wrong. | ||
| I mean, fucking Robita doesn't taste weird, but I mean, you need it, right? | ||
| Like, maybe it's working. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| So I'm not saying they're wrong. | ||
| I just said it a little weird. | ||
| Well, there's a shitload of them in Florida. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| All the people that came from communist countries. | ||
| Oh, here in Texas, too. | ||
| Fuck that nonsense. | ||
| So a lot of the people who came from- You want one of these little cigars? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, hell yeah. | |
| These little Ron White specials. | ||
| Ron White got me on these little cigars. | ||
| Little baby cigars, so you don't have to finish a whole one. | ||
| A lot of the people who were commenting were people who came from communist countries. | ||
| And I don't know their experience. | ||
| I don't know the experience of anybody, really. | ||
| I'm just up there talking some shit. | ||
| But I wasn't trying to change anybody's mind. | ||
| You're just talking shit. | ||
| Yeah, I was like, you shouldn't be. | ||
| And people were in the comments. | ||
| They were like, well, Ralph doesn't understand politics. | ||
| Yeah, I don't. | ||
| This is a joke. | ||
| Yeah, I'm just talking shit. | ||
| Also, I just said you look weird. | ||
| I didn't say nothing wrong with it, you know what I mean? | ||
| Some Versace shirts look weird. | ||
| They do look weird. | ||
| But they're nice. | ||
| They're nice. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Wasn't that what Shane got for the fights? | ||
| You got a Versace shirt, a golden Versace shirt? | ||
| That shit looked dope. | ||
| That's a bold move. | ||
| You know, you got a gold Versace shirt on, you're like, I'm here to party. | ||
| You know, that's like the ultimate Hawaiian shirt. | ||
| Like a Hawaiian shirt is, I'm here to party. | ||
| And a Versace shirt. | ||
| Oh, yeah, I saw it. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know what you're talking about. | ||
| He posted a picture. | ||
| Look at him. | ||
| With the president, with the former president. | ||
| It's a blurry picture. | ||
| That's a badass picture, by the way. | ||
| Like, I'm not like a Trump supporter or nothing, but that's just a fucking dope picture. | ||
| That's a fun picture. | ||
| Have you ever seen Shane's Trump impression? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's fucking insane. | ||
| It's so good. | ||
| You have like an ashtray? | ||
| Oh, right there. | ||
| If I was Trump's friend, I'd try to get him to shave his head. | ||
| I'd be like, come on, bro. | ||
| I want to take more cool pictures like that. | ||
| Just post them every now and then. | ||
| And I don't think he put a caption, right? | ||
| I don't know what he put up. | ||
| I don't think he put a caption. | ||
| Bro, that's fucking genius. | ||
| That's why this dude's like the next GOAT, bro. | ||
| Oh, he's so funny, man. | ||
| He's so funny. | ||
| That bit he has about Navy SEALs, oh my god. | ||
| I've watched it a hundred times. | ||
| I could watch it a hundred times. | ||
| He's so funny, man. | ||
| And he's out here too now. | ||
| It's cool because we've got this real good vibe going where everybody's just really fucking having fun. | ||
| And there's all these young guys coming up. | ||
| Because a big point of the club was development. | ||
| We want to have two nights of open mic night. | ||
| Every Sunday, every Monday, open mic night. | ||
| And then Monday, Kill Tony. | ||
| Kill Tony is the anchor. | ||
| That's the anchor. | ||
| Because it sets the tone of the culture. | ||
| You have one minute. | ||
| In that minute, you got to be funny. | ||
| You just got to be... | ||
| And then people realize, oh, that's what this is all about. | ||
| Yeah, this is an art form. | ||
| It's an art form, and it's about how to be funny. | ||
| And everybody's got their own way. | ||
| You know, Ali Sadiq has these great stories. | ||
| He's got these beautiful, long stories. | ||
| He's an amazing storyteller. | ||
| You know, and then you got Joey Diaz, who's like, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. | ||
| He hits you with those bang, bang, bangs. | ||
| I love the upstairs room, the little boy, because you got comics going up, but you also have, like, every employee in the mothership going up. | ||
| Yeah, well, they're all comics. | ||
| Yeah, they're all comics, too. | ||
| But you're giving them a chance, man. | ||
| A lot of comics work the club to try to, like, get in with the club, like, across the country, whatever their club is. | ||
| And sometimes even they don't get really the chance, you know what I mean? | ||
| Yeah, well, we all came from open mics. | ||
| Everybody did. | ||
| That's the only way to do it. | ||
| You have to get on stage. | ||
| So why would a club not have an open mic? | ||
| And they're like, well, we could fill it up with a headliner. | ||
| Yeah, you could. | ||
| You could, but you're making a short-term gain decision where you're making more money, and you're not looking at the long-term... | ||
| Just for the art form. | ||
| The art form needs seeds. | ||
| It needs plants. | ||
| It needs someone to help. | ||
| It needs someone to tend the garden. | ||
| It needs someone to give people opportunities. | ||
| And to say, like, this is a renewable resource. | ||
| This beautiful thing that we all enjoy. | ||
| People talking shit and us laughing. | ||
| It's the most beautiful thing. | ||
| I love it to death. | ||
| There's the art side and the business side. | ||
| Yeah, well that's... | ||
| There's gotta be a balance to it. | ||
| That's where you... | ||
| Yeah, you gotta... | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| I don't know anybody else who did it this way, because we had to do it in a way where we all got up and moved, right? | ||
| So it was crazy in the first place. | ||
| And we all took this chance to come here. | ||
| In the beginning, a lot of guys moved long before there was a club. | ||
| So we were just doing the Vulcan. | ||
| And they had heard that, oh, they've got these wild-ass shows they're doing in Texas indoors. | ||
| In November of 2020, we were doing shows indoors. | ||
| And it just started coming. | ||
| And then one day, we did a show with Ron White, and Ron White grabbed my shoulders. | ||
| He got off, so he hadn't done stand-up in like eight months. | ||
| He grabs my shoulders. | ||
| Whatever the fuck we have to do, we're doing this. | ||
| He goes, when are you gonna get your fucking club open up? | ||
| I go, let's fucking go, Ron White. | ||
| Let's do this shit. | ||
| He's like, let's fucking go. | ||
| I mean, he had just gotten off stage. | ||
| Yo, and then he gave you these cigars? | ||
| Yeah, he loves these little cigars. | ||
| I like these. | ||
| He's like, they're good if you don't want a whole cigar. | ||
| I never smoked a cigar until I hung out with Bert Kreischer. | ||
| You want a big one? | ||
| You want a real cigar? | ||
| Yeah, I'll take a big cigar. | ||
| Hold on, please. | ||
| Hold, please. | ||
| Get you some of these foundation cigars. | ||
| We got our own cigar, bro. | ||
| You make those cigars? | ||
| No, foundation cigars do. | ||
| Oh, I've never heard of that company. | ||
| I'm new to the cigar world. | ||
| I just got into it like in the summer. | ||
| I'm learning. | ||
| Shout out to my man Nick. | ||
| Yeah, this dude, I was super skeptical. | ||
| He goes, we made you some cigars. | ||
| I'm like, come on, man. | ||
| These are probably going to be wax cigars with a label on it. | ||
| But no, this dude is like a real cigar head. | ||
| Like, you know, he travels to the places where they grow it. | ||
| He's involved in the whole process of it. | ||
| Hell yeah. | ||
| He makes a bunch of, like, really dope cigars. | ||
| Like Willy Wonka when he traveled to the jungle to find Oompa Loompas and stuff? | ||
| Something like that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But any time I hear, like... | ||
| You know how to work these? | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| Any time... | ||
| I meet a dude who's like really into something. | ||
| Like my friend Evan from Black Rifle Coffee. | ||
| That dude is like super, super into coffee. | ||
| And he's got this laboratory at his factory. | ||
| He took us to the Black Rifle warehouses where they, you know, do all their work there. | ||
| And do all their roasting. | ||
| They have these giant roasting machines. | ||
| And he's got this laboratory... | ||
| Where he's like testing different weights of how much coffee you put in, different temperatures. | ||
| And they've got these dudes sitting around sipping them, trying to figure out what's the perfect way to do this shit. | ||
| Like they're doing it like a lab. | ||
| Professional sippers. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| But that's when you're going to get that dope coffee. | ||
| That really good coffee. | ||
| I've just gotten into coffee this year. | ||
| Coffee and cigars. | ||
| That's 2023 Ralph right there. | ||
| I had this dude on once. | ||
| I always forget his name. | ||
| Yeah, a lot of dudes on here once. | ||
| Yeah, I've had a lot of dudes on here. | ||
| But I had this dude on who was a real coffee expert. | ||
| And he schooled me in all the different kinds of coffee and how they grow them and how they take care of them. | ||
| Hey, you had this one guy on here once. | ||
| I remember watching the clips on YouTube where he was talking about like Christianity, like ancient Christianity. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And he asked you... | ||
| I think it was a clip about psychedelics. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But I forgot the exact question he asked you. | ||
| He was like, can I tell you? | ||
| He's like, can I tell you about the way Christianity was? | ||
| Or something like that. | ||
| I forgot the exact question he asked you. | ||
| And you said, yeah. | ||
| And he was like, yeah? | ||
| And he kind of laughed a little bit. | ||
| Well, that should scare the shit out of me. | ||
| If I would have heard the guy laugh... | ||
| After he's like, can I tell you about this? | ||
| And I'm like, yeah. | ||
| And then he laughs. | ||
| I'll be like, never mind, bro. | ||
| Why did he laugh? | ||
| What are you going to tell me? | ||
| Are you going to say a magic spell? | ||
| What are you going to say? | ||
| He was talking about a... | ||
| I don't remember all of it. | ||
| I just remember he was talking about that Christianity used to be kind of like a cult. | ||
| And then he was saying something about they went underground with it to watch it or something. | ||
| Who was that, Jamie? | ||
| You know who that is? | ||
| I was thinking he was talking about Brian Murray Rescue. | ||
| Brian Murray Rescue, probably. | ||
| It might have been Brian. | ||
| Brian's amazing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I mean, it was a cool episode. | ||
| I learned a lot of shit about Christianity that I later forgot, but it was just that one way he asked a question that scared the shit out of me. | ||
| And I was watching the clip at 1 a.m., just chilling, you know? | ||
| So I turned that off, and I just turned the lights on in my room. | ||
| I was like, all right, it freaked me out a little bit. | ||
| What's interesting about Christianity, everybody wants to know, what was the first shit they wrote down? | ||
| Like, everybody knows, like, the New Testament, right? | ||
| The New Testament. | ||
| But then you go, what about the Old Testament? | ||
| Like, ah, don't pay attention to that. | ||
| Yeah, I don't really like that, that they be changing shit, you know? | ||
| Give me one set of rules, leave it. | ||
| Now, if you choose to follow them or not, that's on you, but don't change shit. | ||
| Even if it is the writings of Jesus, even if it is the writings of... | ||
| Even if all that is unadulterated, it's not been altered by human beings, it's still put together by people, written down by people... | ||
| You ever do that thing? | ||
| And very different than the Old Testament. | ||
| I remember they did this at Barber College once, just to teach us a lesson or some shit. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| But they had this long bench, and they sat down all the students, and our instructor whispered a secret to the first person on the far right. | ||
| Telephone game. | ||
| Yeah, you gotta just keep whispering the secret down the line. | ||
| And by the end of the line, it's a totally different sentence. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| That shit made me never want to check out the Bible anymore. | ||
| Yeah, the Bible was, they think it was an oral tradition for hundreds if not a thousand years before they ever wrote it down. | ||
| Wow, damn. | ||
| That's a lot of mix-up. | ||
| Could be. | ||
| Yeah, for sure people could have added some shit in there. | ||
| You're religious at all? | ||
| Like, do you go to church or anything? | ||
| You follow a religion? | ||
| I'm not religious, but I'm not an atheist. | ||
| People always say I'm an atheist. | ||
| I'm not an atheist. | ||
| I feel like I'm on something like that, you know? | ||
| There's something going on out there. | ||
| I mean, I grew up, like, somewhat Catholic. | ||
| Like, how most Mexican Catholics are. | ||
| Like, maybe you don't go to church, but you do this thing all the time. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I don't know, man. | ||
| I don't know what to believe. | ||
| I do want to have a religion. | ||
| I'm not going to lie. | ||
| It'd be nice if there was a good one. | ||
| One you could really lock into. | ||
| Man, you guys are making sense. | ||
| I just like that people really lock into something. | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| I want to defend something. | ||
| I want to be like, you don't speak that way about Allah. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It's a nice gang to be a part of. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Very aggressive gang. | ||
| But I also feel like the gang I belong to, whether I like it or not, is like the comedy world. | ||
| Just make fun of everything. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's our gang. | ||
| But I think religion helps a lot of people, and I don't necessarily think it's... | ||
| I think it came from somewhere. | ||
| And I think there's like real wisdom to these stories that people wrote down thousands of years ago. | ||
| But there's a lot of problems in the translations too. | ||
| Because they're translating shit from... | ||
| Here's a good example. | ||
| The Dead Sea Scrolls is the oldest version of the Bible that they're aware of. | ||
| And it's from Qumran. | ||
| They have these caves and they found these big pottery vessels with scrolls in them. | ||
| And these scrolls, they're all made of animal skins. | ||
| That's how old they are. | ||
| That was their paper. | ||
| They wrote on animal skins. | ||
| And one of the ways that they figured out, they had to put it all together again, and a lot of it was crumpled and falling apart. | ||
| And so they had to do DNA testing so that they could figure out, okay, these samples are all from this cow, and so we'll put these here. | ||
| And it took them fucking years and years and years to do this. | ||
| And after 14 years of deciphering it, there was this one guy. | ||
| His name was John Marco Allegro. | ||
| And he was an ordained minister, but he was also agnostic. | ||
| Because when he studied theology, the more he started studying it, the more he's like, wait, what the fuck is it? | ||
| How come this is so much different than this? | ||
| And what's the origins of these words? | ||
| And where does this all come from? | ||
| So this guy studies this Dead Sea Scrolls for 14 years, and then he writes a book called The Sacred Mushroom and the Cross. | ||
| And he said that the whole Christian religion was really about psychedelic mushrooms and fertility rituals. | ||
| That these people had hidden all of these stories in these allegories and in these tales. | ||
| They'd hidden all this information on what to do and when to do it. | ||
| And that all... | ||
| It's a very, very controversial book. | ||
| But that all of the... | ||
| You think they got it at Barnes& Noble's? | ||
| I think you can probably get it now. | ||
| I know it got republished. | ||
| I think it was bought out by the Catholic Church for a long time. | ||
| I didn't know the Catholic Church was buying out books. | ||
| They didn't want this one out. | ||
| Some Wolf of Wall Street shit? | ||
| I don't know if that's true. | ||
| I need to find out if that's true because I've said it before because someone told it to me. | ||
| Dude, you say it with enough confidence, it's true. | ||
| Yeah, if you say it with enough confidence, you can get it. | ||
| Catholic Church bought out GameStop a couple years ago. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They're responsible for Battlefield Earth. | ||
| Hell yeah. | ||
| Man, that's crazy that they were riding on, like, cow skin. | ||
| Yeah, that's all they had. | ||
| Fucking cows, man. | ||
| Cows have never had it easy on this earth, bro. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nope. | |
| Kobe beef. | ||
| Even when they have a good life, it's only for Kobe beef, you know what I mean? | ||
| Right. | ||
| Even if they have a good life, it's only, like, 16 years old. | ||
| What is it, like, in Japan, where they really, like, massage them? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Imagine being that cow, just being like, damn, I've heard about cows that get slaughtered, but, man, I got lucky to be born in this life, and they're like, nope. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nope. | |
| You got slightly luckier than the other cows, but still a cow. | ||
| The thing about cows is, if you care about, like, suffering, you can buy beef from a regenerative farm where that cow dies instantly, lives a great life until it dies. | ||
| And then you'd say, like, no, we should let them free, they should be free. | ||
| The way they die when they're free is horrific. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| Horrific. | ||
| Yeah, because they get eaten to death. | ||
| Oh, yeah, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| They could eat. | ||
| Most of them are not going to make it past being a calf. | ||
| Mound lions, bears, wolves. | ||
| They bring wolves back. | ||
| They've brought wolves back everywhere now. | ||
| Wolves are in Colorado now. | ||
| They're moving them in. | ||
| Yeah, they're moving them in. | ||
| Badass. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| The wolves are back in town. | ||
| The wolves are back in town. | ||
| I think that's the boys. | ||
| Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Well, you know, wolves are back down. | ||
| They're gonna eat your dog. | ||
| They're gonna kill your kids. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| I didn't think about that. | ||
| That's the Little Red Riding Hood shit, man. | ||
| That's all the big bad wolf. | ||
| That's because in Europe, in like the 1400s or whatever the fuck... | ||
| They were eating people's grandmas and shit? | ||
| They ate everybody. | ||
| Wolves ate people. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wait, what year was it? | |
| Listen, wolves always eat people. | ||
| In World War I, there was a ceasefire between the Germans and the Russians because wolves were eating so many soldiers that they decided to band together and kill the wolves. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| So, you know, maybe they're not a problem. | ||
| The world is very split right now. | ||
| Maybe wolves are going to bring us back together. | ||
| Maybe, man. | ||
| Also, maybe we need to bring back psychedelic Christianity. | ||
| Maybe that's what Red Riding Hood was on. | ||
| That's why she thought the wolf was her grandma and shit. | ||
| Probably. | ||
| Trippin'. | ||
| Bitch was trippin'. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Imagine how high you have to be to think a wolf with a dress is your grandma. | ||
| I'll tell you this, though, on the whole Christian psychedelic trip shit. | ||
| One time, I ate like nine, ten grams of shrooms. | ||
| And I swear to God, the ceiling, there was a face in it. | ||
| And for some reason in my mind, I was like, that's God. | ||
| And he's fucking pissed. | ||
| He's pissed? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| At you? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| For what? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I think it's just because on the inside, I've never done mushrooms out during the day. | ||
| I know some people are like, yeah, man, do mushrooms, go to a park. | ||
| Nah, uh-uh. | ||
| Because I do believe there's God out there, some sort of God. | ||
| And I don't think he's necessarily like the good guy on a TV show. | ||
| I think he's God, you know what I mean? | ||
| You ever had like a boss, like at a place? | ||
| And maybe he's not exactly fair, maybe he's not exactly nice, but he's the fucking boss. | ||
| And when he says go, I feel like maybe that's what God is, you know, for better or worse. | ||
| And I feel like if I do mushrooms out in the open, he's going to be like mad. | ||
| So I do them at night. | ||
| I usually do them in my hotel rooms. | ||
| I'll do research on hotels that have like artwork and stuff. | ||
| Like hotel in the goes... | ||
| Great place to trip. | ||
| Especially the one in Houston. | ||
| If I go to Houston, I'm staying at the Hotel Indigo. | ||
| But yeah, the ceiling, man. | ||
| I was tripping so hard. | ||
| And the face came out. | ||
| And it looked like a hand. | ||
| And then like an elbow. | ||
| And then I felt like he was putting his elbow on my neck. | ||
| And I couldn't breathe. | ||
| I started trying to breathe real hard. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I was like... | |
| And my buddy was, like, having a nice trip. | ||
| He was just like, that's right, man, breathe. | ||
| I was like, no, dumbass, like, I can't breathe. | ||
| God's choking you. | ||
| Yeah, God was, like, putting the pressure down on my neck. | ||
| But I felt like that was maybe in my mind. | ||
| Well, it's definitely in your mind. | ||
| Yeah, you know, like, just feeling pressure in general. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right, right. | |
| Wondering if I'm doing the right thing or not. | ||
| Yeah, well, a lot of changes have happened really quickly with you. | ||
| You know, Bryan Simpson was telling me that you were going to open for him one weekend. | ||
| In January of 2022, I think. | ||
| And then you blew up, and then he called you, and you're like, bro, I'm headlining all these clubs now. | ||
| Nah, Hugh Smith, that story, that's what he said. | ||
| The story's a little different. | ||
| He said you were doing great. | ||
| I mean, yeah, he said it was a period of a few months, and he got a hold of you, and you were headlining everywhere. | ||
| Man, I shouldn't say how the story went because I'm not even sure how the story went. | ||
| I do remember we spoke and I was just telling them, man, I do want to open for you because Brian Simpson, that dude's hilarious. | ||
| But at the same time, I was like, I kind of want to take my chances on some headlining my own shows here. | ||
| But looking back on it, I mean, there's no regrets. | ||
| I feel like as long as I'm doing whatever I feel like doing in that moment, there's no regrets, you know? | ||
| But looking back on it, I do wish... | ||
| Things would have gone maybe a little slower for me. | ||
| Just because I was still a feature. | ||
| I wasn't used to headlining shows when I started headlining shows. | ||
| And I feel like a lot of my shows were me still very much learning and getting comfortable with an hour on stage. | ||
| And I love my Netflix special, don't get me wrong. | ||
| I'm proud of it. | ||
| I want people to watch it. | ||
| But I feel like after the special came out... | ||
| It's when I actually got to enjoy, enjoy headlining on the road. | ||
| And I feel like now I'm at a much more comfortable level. | ||
| And now, I mean, I'm pretty sure this happens to a lot of comics, but I feel like this material now, like, this is where it's at. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't even want to post. | ||
| Like, I want to post it. | ||
| I have certain jokes that I'm like, bro, if I could just post this, people will fuck with it, I bet. | ||
| But there's a lot of it that I'm like, nah. | ||
| If I don't post it, I can just keep doing it, like, on the road and give people a hell of a show. | ||
| And put it together on your next special, dude. | ||
| You're on the road. | ||
| You're on your path now, man. | ||
| That's fucking awesome. | ||
| That's what it's about. | ||
| How old are you? | ||
| 27. That's beautiful. | ||
| That's beautiful. | ||
| What a good time. | ||
| Yeah, I like 27, man. | ||
| 26 was better, but 27's alright. | ||
| Listen, I know it all came fast to you, but you just gotta accept that gift. | ||
| This is just, you know, you can't, you got a gift. | ||
| It's a beautiful gift of being in the right time, with the right tools available, and having a great set, and having a piece of that get out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's it. | |
| Hell that was, sorry. | ||
| Yeah, don't inhale this, man. | ||
| It'll fuck you up. | ||
| But it's, you know, it's a gift by the universe. | ||
| And you gotta, you know, you gotta ride that gift. | ||
| And it's gonna be, it's weirder that you go from middling, all of a sudden you're headlining everywhere. | ||
| But so what? | ||
| You're funny, man. | ||
| I felt like a young Rocky. | ||
| Like, you know how in Rocky, one, he's like kind of older already? | ||
| Right. | ||
| And then I don't know where he gets his shot, you know? | ||
| Right. | ||
| I felt like, maybe like a younger, inexperienced Rocky, and then I got like a shot. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know? | ||
| But the audience knows, though, too. | ||
| That's the cool thing. | ||
| Like, they know that you're kind of new to this, but they love you and they want to come see you. | ||
| Yeah, it's been dope, man. | ||
| People are so supportive. | ||
| Do you remember that... | ||
| What is that girl's name? | ||
| Is it Angela Johnson? | ||
| The one who has that Vietnamese bit? | ||
| She helped me out a lot, by the way. | ||
| That girl had the same kind of thing happen to her. | ||
| Yeah, she was doing a comedy like a few months or something like that and then her bit went viral on MySpace. | ||
| Bro, she was middling and selling out clubs and then people would leave when the headliner would go up. | ||
| That's gotta fucking piss off a headliner. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Could you imagine, like, the place is packed, and you're the headliner, but you know they're all there for the middle act? | ||
| What a drag, man. | ||
| But that was real. | ||
| That was what was going on for a while with her. | ||
| She's telling me about that for a while. | ||
| She's so nice. | ||
| She sold out because she's, like, doing theaters or whatever. | ||
| Isn't she a serious Christian? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah. | |
| She's a serious Christian. | ||
| She's doing, like, theaters. | ||
| Well, she was doing theaters, and then she did, like, a special. | ||
| Like, 20... | ||
| What year are we in right now? | ||
| 23? | ||
| So like 22 maybe it was. | ||
| I might be getting this wrong. | ||
| You want some coffee? | ||
| I'm okay. | ||
| I'm okay. | ||
| But she put out this special and she had been like, you know, doing theaters. | ||
| But after she did her special, her last special, she booked a lot of club gigs, she told me. | ||
| And so she went to San Antonio to the LOL to just book back-to-back gigs to keep running material and shit. | ||
| And I don't know. | ||
| I kind of just took like a page from that book. | ||
| I was opening her for like eight of those shows. | ||
| And we did LOL and San Antonio. | ||
| I mean, fucking, you know, it's like Mexico City there. | ||
| So like I have a lot of tickets to sell there, man. | ||
| So anytime they wanted to add a show, I was like, yes, add it. | ||
| Yes, add it. | ||
| Like I'm just going to work out so much shit here. | ||
| But then now that I've done it, we did the first weekend. | ||
| The first weekend was 10 shows. | ||
| This next coming up weekend is the next 10 shows. | ||
| But like six, five shows in, I was like, well, hold up. | ||
| This might be not as productive as I thought it was. | ||
| Because every audience is just 99% Latino, Hispanic, Mexican. | ||
| And I like, fuck. | ||
| I was like, I need to work out material in front of everybody. | ||
| It can't just be only my audience. | ||
| It can't just be Hispanics. | ||
| Like, they're gonna fucking, they're gonna baby me too much. | ||
| Like, I'm not gonna grow. | ||
| So I came down here. | ||
| I was like, fucking, like, no offense to my audience. | ||
| I love them. | ||
| Like, fucking keep coming now. | ||
| I'll fuck with them all day. | ||
| But, I also need to get in front of strangers. | ||
| I also need to get in front of different people, some Asians, some Indians, some white guys. | ||
| Like, I need to get in front of everybody if I truly want to grow. | ||
| At least that's my opinion. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| I think that's a good opinion. | ||
| I think that opinion is shared by a lot of people. | ||
| I think getting in front of as many different audiences is real important, especially in the early days. | ||
| You know, that's why the road, I think, is so important. | ||
| If you live in New York City, you kind of think that everybody thinks like people from New York City, and then you go do a gig in Oklahoma, and you're like, oh, okay. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I love New York, too, though, because you get a little bit of, like, those diverse strangers. | ||
| Oh, New York's great. | ||
| New York's an amazing place to do comedy. | ||
| It's like comedy gym, like comedy. | ||
| You ever watch, what is it, Christian Bale's Batman? | ||
| And he goes up to, like, Nepal to become Batman to, like, train? | ||
| Sometimes, man, when I was frustrated, and especially before I got to tour, when I was still just, like, a feature, an opener, you know what I mean? | ||
| An open mic, go crash on my buddy's couch for, like, a month or two in New York and just fucking work it out, you know what I mean? | ||
| New York has always been a great place for talent. | ||
| There's always guys like Attell in New York. | ||
| Ari's always in New York. | ||
| New York's a great place. | ||
| It's just not for me, man. | ||
| It's too many fucking people. | ||
| Too many people jammed on top of each other. | ||
| I'm just too... | ||
| I don't like that that much. | ||
| I like some quiet... | ||
| I like some peace. | ||
| I feel that. | ||
| I live out in the country right now. | ||
| Oh, do you? | ||
| Yeah, I live out like an hour south of Dallas. | ||
| Oh, that's great. | ||
| My dad lives out there. | ||
| He bought land when he was like 20 there, like a little trailer home. | ||
| And he always kept it. | ||
| He'd move around a lot. | ||
| You know, he was an unstable guy. | ||
| He was up and down, whatever. | ||
| But he always kept that land. | ||
| And once he became more of like a family man, you know, he's married to my stepmom. | ||
| I have younger siblings. | ||
| He, like, you know, makes sure that they live there. | ||
| He got out of prison, like, 2019. And he went back to, like, painting cars, working on cars, started saving money, started doing, like, contractor jobs, started his own business. | ||
| Now he does, like, pretty big business, contract-type work with a couple other guys that have their own business. | ||
| And he, like, built his dream house. | ||
| Oh, man. | ||
| Nice. | ||
| On that land. | ||
| No more trailer home. | ||
| He gave the trailer home to my cousin and they moved it further back on the next piece of land. | ||
| So now he has to start his own little journey or whatever. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nice. | |
| But he built that house and it's nice, man. | ||
| I started building a house on that land as well before my cousin's house so I could outshine my cousin's house. | ||
| But it's not done. | ||
| But my house is purely... | ||
| I'm not even looking forward to... | ||
| I'm not even trying too much right now to actually build a house and be like, this is how I want my kitchen and living room. | ||
| I'm not even worried about it. | ||
| The living compartment is on the upstairs. | ||
| I'm worried about the downstairs because that's going to be my shop. | ||
| I used to paint cars and I want to do that in my free time again. | ||
| What kind of painting? | ||
| I was still very much like... | ||
| Like artistic painting, you mean? | ||
| No, like, you know, paint the cars. | ||
| Paint them blue, paint them red. | ||
| Oh, just painting cars? | ||
| Yeah, detailing them afterwards. | ||
| I always wanted to paint candy, but you need a lot of experience. | ||
| A lot of people don't know that when you're painting candy, you can't just do... | ||
| The quarter panel and then move to the door. | ||
| You gotta do like the horse. | ||
| What do you mean my candy? | ||
| Like, you know, candy paint. | ||
| Like real glittery, real pretty. | ||
| Oh, is that what it's called? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Come on, man, you're in Texas now. | ||
| You gotta learn about candy paint. | ||
| I didn't know that was what it was called. | ||
| Yeah, you ever go to a car show and maybe one car just fucking pops way more, has way more flake in it? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's candy paint. | ||
| But it's tough to paint. | ||
| You gotta be a skilled, like, experienced painter. | ||
| Because you can't just fucking... | ||
| You know, you always got to be careful how you adjust your gun, right? | ||
| You don't want your pattern too wide, too narrow. | ||
| Are you super serious about this shit? | ||
| Oh, yeah, man. | ||
| Painting, I thought that was my thing. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, I'd get so discouraged at open mics, I'd be like, let me stick to painting. | ||
| Let me just stick to painting. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| But, yeah, it's fucking dope, man. | ||
| And my uncle's like, in my opinion, he's like a grandmaster painter. | ||
| He's been painting for years. | ||
| He learned. | ||
| So my dad had a body shop when I was a kid. | ||
| Very small. | ||
| Now, back in these days, my dad was involved in, you know, less than legal business. | ||
| So this body shop was a front, technically. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| But, I mean, they got business. | ||
| And they got good. | ||
| And my dad hired this painter named Alfred. | ||
| I mean, rest in peace. | ||
| Alfred, fucking badass painter. | ||
| Crazy old guy. | ||
| He used to know how to breakdance. | ||
| This shit was badass. | ||
| Alfred Todd, my uncle, had a painter. | ||
| My uncle Jose. | ||
| My uncle was young. | ||
| My uncle was kind of like a knucklehead at one point. | ||
| As a teenager, he was involved in gang shit, some drug deals, whatever. | ||
| But my uncle had a kid very young and snapped out of it quick. | ||
| Just wanted to be a respectable man. | ||
| Just do the right thing. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| And he's still that guy to this day. | ||
| My uncle's been working the body shop since he was like... | ||
| I might be getting the age wrong, but he's like 20. Right now he's in his late 30s, mid 30s. | ||
| And he's still like the guy who goes into the shop at 8am, will stay there till fucking midnight if he has to, but he puts food on the table. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Right. | ||
| But he learned from this dude, Alfred. | ||
| Fucking badass knowledge on painting. | ||
| My uncle would teach it to me. | ||
| When I was a teenager, my dad also had a car wash. | ||
| I'd go work in the summer sometimes. | ||
| And I'd get so mad at the car wash. | ||
| Like, I hated it. | ||
| I'm like, bro, anybody can just fucking rinse the car off, put the soap. | ||
| Like, there was next door, like, across the street from the body shop. | ||
| So after work, we would go hang out at the body shop with everybody. | ||
| I would tell my uncle, because I don't know if my dad was going to take me serious or not. | ||
| I'll be like, can you teach me how to paint? | ||
| I was like, I don't want to work over there. | ||
| I was like, don't even paint me if you don't want. | ||
| Just teach me how to paint. | ||
| Have me over here. | ||
| Like, I want to sand the cars. | ||
| I want to fucking do real shit, you know? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So he'd teach me every now and then. | ||
| As I got older, I'd spend a couple weekends over there at the body shop with my uncle, whatever. | ||
| Um... | ||
| After high school, while my dad was already locked up or whatever, my uncle, I guess, to check on me, make sure I wasn't getting sad or some shit, he would just call me, kind of would have given me a choice. | ||
| He'd be like, hey, I need help. | ||
| Come help me out with her. | ||
| I was like, alright. | ||
| I started getting good. | ||
| I went to paid school for a while to get certified. | ||
| Those guys hooked me up with a job, like, at a better shop. | ||
| My uncle, I would also cut hair. | ||
| So my uncle would always be like, man, just be a barber. | ||
| Like, you don't want to be in a fucking shop sweating your ass off, breaking your back. | ||
| Like, do something where you're going to be in the AC. You know what I mean? | ||
| Like, work smarter, not harder. | ||
| I eventually did that, but at the time, I'm like, I want to fucking learn this, you know? | ||
| Let me do this. | ||
| So I went and worked at a body shop, and I worked at one with this painter. | ||
| Man, I hate not to talk down on another man, but that guy wasn't worth a fuck. | ||
| He was a cool painter, but he didn't care. | ||
| So I was the paint prepper. | ||
| What do you mean he didn't care? | ||
| He wasn't in there to do good work. | ||
| He was in there to just get his paycheck, and he wasn't even there a lot of the time, man. | ||
| You know, like, there's a lot of preparation that goes into painting a car. | ||
| A lot of sanding. | ||
| So you gotta fucking sand and sand and sand and make sure you sand this and then you gotta clean it this way and make sure there's no, like, type of chemicals in the air. | ||
| Like, you can't keep, like, Armoural or anything they use for a detailed car. | ||
| You can't have that in the same room you're painting in. | ||
| You'll get a chemical reaction and your paint job will look like shit. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Just in the air? | ||
| Yeah, there's tons of little details. | ||
| Mechanic work and paint work cannot be in the same room. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, you just can't. | ||
| You can't have it, you know what I mean? | ||
| So, Armor All just being in the room will fuck up your paint? | ||
| Yeah, bro. | ||
| If you, like, let's say- That's wild. | ||
| Let's say you, like, sprayed some Armor All on some shit or you wiped the car down and you weren't supposed to, like, which is anything that was, like, cleaning product, you have to be careful what exactly you're using. | ||
| So you're saying if the armor all contacted the paint physically? | ||
| Nah, like even if it's just kind of like... | ||
| In the air? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, at least that's how careful we were. | ||
| What is that doing to you then? | ||
| What do you mean? | ||
| Oh, all the paint stuff? | ||
| Oh, it's killing you. | ||
| It's got to be I mean, the pain is worse than the armor. | ||
| We're, like, breathing in, like, primer. | ||
| We're breathing in, like, bondo dust. | ||
| We're breathing in so much stuff. | ||
| Is there a lot of people that have, like, lung problems that are painters? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Even if you don't, like, get the lung cancer, right? | ||
| Let's say you live a full life as a painter. | ||
| They've done autopsies on painters. | ||
| Their lungs are, like, different colors. | ||
| Oh, Jesus Christ. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But, I mean, I'd rather have different colors than just, you know, nasty pink or whatever. | ||
| What if you wear one of those Fauci masks? | ||
| They help. | ||
| No, like, definitely wear your mask, wear your gloves, they help. | ||
| But the shit is there, you know what I mean? | ||
| You're getting it in even through those crazy masks? | ||
| Yeah, for sure. | ||
| You know, there's no way. | ||
| And then there's different masks. | ||
| There's masks that will help you block the dust from, like, primer or, like, from the body filler. | ||
| But those masks aren't going to help you when it comes to paint and, like, vice versa. | ||
| Oh, so you gotta swap masks when you're sanding versus when you're painting. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So I started getting pretty good as a painter. | ||
| Especially when I went to work at a shop where my uncle's not babysitting me anymore. | ||
| Now I'm learning on my own. | ||
| And when I say on my own, I mean... | ||
| The reason I say that one painter wasn't worth a damn was because... | ||
| When you first work at a shop and you're trying to be a painter, you gotta be a paint prepper or a painter's apprentice for a few years. | ||
| So it's my job to prepare the car every step of the way up until it's in the booth, taped up, ready to get painted. | ||
| That's when the painter would just show up. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| He's probably just been kicking it at the house all day. | ||
| He'll show up, mix the paint, paint it, spray it, clear it, and he'd go home. | ||
| So I've been prepping these cars for like days on end. | ||
| I'm staying extra, you know? | ||
| Every now and then, if it was a smaller piece, like a bumper or just like a small piece of the car, they just leave it up to me. | ||
| They're like, well, you go ahead and knock it out. | ||
| So I started getting good. | ||
| There was a guy there. | ||
| Man, I forget his name. | ||
| Super cool ass fucking guy. | ||
| Who was just kind of like a shop hand, like he didn't really work on cars, but if you needed help, you know, sometimes you need help moving a fucking hood or a door, like just random shit. | ||
| He was there and he had a Buick, like it was his grandpa's Buick, like a 99, just regular Buick. | ||
| And he was like, man, I want you to paint it. | ||
| I want you to paint it. | ||
| So I painted like half the car. | ||
| Because only the front end needed it. | ||
| That was like my only like big paint job. | ||
| I started getting good. | ||
| But that's when I really jumped more into comedy. | ||
| So I just kind of quit and I did whatever I had to do to make sure comedy worked out. | ||
| And I went back to like cutting hair because it allowed me more time to jump to open mics quicker, you know? | ||
| How did you get on stage and what was the motivation? | ||
| Did your friends talk you into it? | ||
| Is it something you always wanted to do? | ||
| I always wanted to do it. | ||
| You were always a fan of comedy? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I wanted to be a comedic actor. | ||
| Oh, like movies and shit? | ||
| Movies, sketches, SNL, some shit like that. | ||
| I loved Chappelle's show. | ||
| I loved anything with Adam Sandler. | ||
| I loved anything with just funny movies. | ||
| Even though I'm very mellow on stage, I'm You know, I'm writing jokes and I make sure I say them right. | ||
| Before that, I was like a goofy kid. | ||
| And I think once I'm comfortable with people, I'm still like the goofy guy. | ||
| I'm doing impressions. | ||
| I'm doing fucking voices. | ||
| I'm a loud dude once I get super comfortable. | ||
| But I have to get comfortable. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| And so then, where was your first open mic? | ||
| At Hyenas. | ||
| Hyenas in Dallas? | ||
| In Dallas. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nice. | |
| On a Wednesday night. | ||
| I signed up at 5 p.m., went up at 1.30 a.m. | ||
| Wow. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I got yelled at. | ||
| There was one comic that was up after me. | ||
| And he was there. | ||
| Or maybe two comics. | ||
| There was two guys in there. | ||
| But I know for sure one of those guys was after me. | ||
| I was like second to last or third to last. | ||
| And the dude was like, get the fuck out of here already. | ||
| He was like drunk. | ||
| He's just mad. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| I had three minutes. | ||
| I did one and a half. | ||
| Because once he yelled at me, I was like, all right, that's my time. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| But, that's the shit that we were talking about earlier, is that, like, I saw how hard I bombed, and it was fucking devastating to get yelled at at 1.30am, and just me and three, four people in the room that aren't even an audience, just other open micers, and leaving, walking through the parking lot, I'm like, this isn't for me, this isn't for me, I just stick to my job, like, okay, you know? | ||
| But the next day, when I'm fucking sanding a car for three hours straight, the whole time in my head, I'm just like thinking of, well, if I would have said it different, or if I would have said this instead, or what if I tried this on stage? | ||
| Like, my mind was always there, you know? | ||
| So I'd go back. | ||
| But then I'd get discouraged again. | ||
| Older dudes would scare me. | ||
| Bro, I'm a very introverted person. | ||
| I've been breaking out of my shell more and more. | ||
| You know, you kind of have to in the comedy world. | ||
| But I was so introverted. | ||
| Sometimes I'll tell people that they're like, no, you're not. | ||
| And it's like, all right, I'm not, whatever. | ||
| But I am. | ||
| Like, to talk to people would feel like a tremendous fucking stress and fear. | ||
| Like, I freak out. | ||
| Even to this day, if I'm walking through the mall and somebody who might be a fan or something is walking up to me and I see them walking, the whole time in my head I'm just like, oh shit, oh shit, ugh. | ||
| And then they're like, what's up, man? | ||
| Big fan. | ||
| And I'm like, oh, okay. | ||
|
unidentified
|
All right. | |
| Hey, what's up, bro? | ||
| Thanks, man. | ||
| But as soon as it's over, I'm like, fucking thank God. | ||
| But yeah, man, so I don't know. | ||
| So that's why I never really stuck to paintings. | ||
| Comedy took over. | ||
| So when did you start pursuing it full-time? | ||
| How many years in were you? | ||
| So when I'm like 19, 18, I'm doing it once every few months. | ||
| But once I was 20, I just every night didn't stop going. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Like just fuck it, like full blast. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because I think that's when I finally got like a laugh. | ||
| Do you remember the joke? | ||
| Yeah, it wasn't even a joke. | ||
| It was, like, just a reaction to a dude in the crowd, man. | ||
| And that was, like, my first hard lesson in comedy. | ||
| I went up at a place called Backdoor Comedy, where you have to be clean, which, shout out to them, I feel like that's the place that really made me love comedy, because you can't even talk about, like, the restroom. | ||
| So I feel like that forced me to really write, you know what I mean? | ||
| Get creative. | ||
| Right, right, right. | ||
| Instead of taking the easier way out. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I wouldn't say I'm necessarily a clean comic now. | ||
| I feel like... | ||
| I feel like there's no set style I want to have. | ||
| Like, if there's a joke that's dirty or cuss words, fuck it. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| If it's funny, it's funny. | ||
| But that room, I was so nervous. | ||
| I was like, I gotta be clean. | ||
| And it took place. | ||
| The show, the little tiny... | ||
| It's not even a club. | ||
| It's just a room that used to be located inside the Hilton Doubletree. | ||
| And the audience that would show up for them, they'd get a real audience for the mic. | ||
| But it was kind of like classier uppity folk, a lot of white people with money, which intimidated the fuck out of me. | ||
| I was never used to leaving my own little circle. | ||
| And as I was walking up to the stage, there was this dude, this older white guy and a button down, his arms crossed. | ||
| And that guy just scared the shit out of me. | ||
| I had a neighbor who... | ||
| Every time I walked by his house, if he happened to see me, or just kids, he'd stare really hard. | ||
| Like, I'm pretty sure he was a little racist, you know? | ||
| He'd just stare, like, making sure we didn't take nothing from his yard. | ||
| He'd just stare. | ||
| He didn't care if you saw him. | ||
| He had a glass door. | ||
| He would stand behind the glass door, just like, fucking staring hard. | ||
| And he looked like that guy to me. | ||
| So as I walked up... | ||
| I just looked at that guy. | ||
| I didn't think about my jokes. | ||
| I didn't think about nothing. | ||
| I was like, man, this dude looks like he caught the cops on me already. | ||
| And the audience laughed. | ||
| And the first lesson was like, just fucking, you know, say what you're going to say. | ||
| Be vulnerable. | ||
| Be honest. | ||
| And that was like my first little lesson. | ||
| Like, it worked, you know? | ||
| So then you start feeling it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| After I got that laugh, it wasn't even like a huge laugh where they're going to clap, but it was a laugh. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Something. | |
| But you know, that first time you get a laugh, it feels like you just destroyed the room. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And after that, I'd get a little better. | ||
| I was able to deliver for a minute, and then I was able to deliver for two. | ||
| They'd give you three minutes at that mic. | ||
| So then two minutes would go good, and then three, and then I'd have like a killer three. | ||
| Linda Stogner, the owner of that place, started letting me host the weekends with just three minutes. | ||
| But it's like a showcase-style room, and there's tons of comics. | ||
| The show would go on for like two hours, and there's just so many comics. | ||
| I'd take it. | ||
| I'd host for three minutes, and then the next fucking two hours, I'd do my three-minute set, and then the next two hours just host. | ||
| Remember people's credits, whatever. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But, yeah, I loved it, man. | ||
| I also just love going to different clubs. | ||
| I feel like Dallas was too small of a scene for people to click up, but they did. | ||
| They'd be like, nah, that's a hyenas comic, or that's a Dallas Comedy Club comic. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, and then, you know, Dallas Comedy Club was maybe where you'd go if you were a little more, like, on the woke side. | ||
| Not necessarily too woke, but, you know, you were a little cleaner, a little friendlier. | ||
| Hyenas was where you'd go if you just wanted to say some shit, get a little more raunchy. | ||
| Backdoor was definitely, like... | ||
| Where I feel like a lot of good fucking, like, comics would go on the weekend. | ||
| Sometimes people would just pop in because they'd happen to have some extra time on the weekend. | ||
| But I liked going to all of them, man. | ||
| Because all of them, you had shit to learn. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's good to get a variety in. | ||
| It's so silly to think of yourself as, I'm a this club comic. | ||
| I guess we kind of used to do that with a comedy store. | ||
| But even then, it's like you still did... | ||
| Even at the comedy store, I've seen... | ||
| I mean, I've never lived in LA, but I've been in there tons of times just to watch and shit, you know? | ||
| Even there, you get a variety of comics who have different styles. | ||
| That's what I fucking love. | ||
| There's this Bruce Lee movie... | ||
| I don't remember the movie, but I saved the video. | ||
| I have, like, screen recorded on my phone, and sometimes I watch it on the plane, airplane mode. | ||
| I have a video where he's talking to, like, you know, like a grandmaster-type dude, and he's questioning Bruce Lee. | ||
| And that one quote, I feel like, just applies so much to not only comedy, but everything. | ||
| He asked Bruce Lee, he's like, what is... | ||
| The highest technique you hope to achieve. | ||
| And Bruce Lee's like, to have no technique. | ||
| I was like, bro, that's fucking it right there. | ||
| Like, that's the thing, you know what I mean? | ||
| Like, I get it. | ||
| A clean comic is a clean comic, and they're funny or whatever, right? | ||
| Some people only want clean comedy, and a dirty comic is funny as fuck. | ||
| Some people only want that. | ||
| But to be able to do everything, you know what I mean? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, to not subject yourself to one style of comedy, like, that's fucking hilarious. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That's the beauty of having to do a clean set for television. | ||
| You do have to work on it. | ||
| And sometimes when you're working on stuff like that, it's a good exercise in being locked into a rigid structure where you can't talk about blowjobs, you can't talk about... | ||
| Anything crazy. | ||
| You have like a FCC set of rules or whatever it is. | ||
| When you do that, it forces you to think of alternative ways for things to be funny other than going to like a cheap laugh. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, sometimes cheap laughs are the funniest, though. | ||
| That's the problem. | ||
| Like Joey Diaz. | ||
| Like, he's got great... | ||
| Great punchlines, but great timing. | ||
| But it's also, he will go for it wherever it is. | ||
| It's just like, whatever is the funniest fucking thing to say right now, I'm going for that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's no thought of, like, Joey would never do a clean TV set. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It would be hell. | ||
| You can't do that to Joey, but Joey's got to be wild and like for him to be locked into a TV set that isn't That's not the way for him. | ||
| Mm-hmm, but also for him. | ||
| He's the funny I've never seen anybody funnier in my life in all the people I've seen murder all the Chappelle and Chris Rock and Shane Gillis and fuck all the murderers and Joey Diaz in the original room at like 11.30 p.m. | ||
| on a fucking Wednesday night or something like that has made me laugh harder than anybody. | ||
| Anybody. | ||
| I mean, there was like six, seven comics in the back room at one point in time. | ||
| He was doing this bit about Terry Crews, about that agent who grabbed Terry Crews' dick. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And Terry Crews was shaking his big dick in his underwear in those commercials that he did. | ||
| And this guy was going crazy. | ||
| Bro, we were falling on the ground laughing. | ||
| We couldn't breathe. | ||
| He hits RPMs. | ||
| A lot of people redline at 7,000, 8,000. | ||
| It's really funny. | ||
| It's great. | ||
| But Joey gets to like 9. And you're like, holy shit, man. | ||
| I've never got to see him live, but I want to. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| He still has it. | ||
| He came to the mothership. | ||
| Hell yeah. | ||
| He only did one show. | ||
| I love people like that, too, that are funny as fuck onstage and offstage. | ||
| Well, that was the thing about Joey. | ||
| When I brought him on the road, I brought him on the road for two reasons. | ||
| One, because I love him. | ||
| And two, because he's really funny and it challenges me. | ||
| I was going on after him. | ||
| But also, he's funny all the time. | ||
| He's funny when you're at dinner. | ||
| He's funny in the green room. | ||
| It's a party. | ||
| Joey brings the party. | ||
| So when we would all go on the road together, it was just fun. | ||
| It was family together, you know, like fucking Vin Diesel would say. | ||
| But it was like that. | ||
| It was like we're good friends. | ||
| So we're just having a great time. | ||
| Me and Ari and Duncan and Joey. | ||
| We're in these different fucking towns, but it's always us. | ||
| So we're always laughing. | ||
| You know, we're in the fucking hotel lobby, just sitting on the couches laughing at two o'clock in the morning, just cracking jokes and laughing, just hanging out. | ||
| That's what I like about, I guess, traveling with my buddies from home. | ||
| I do feel bad sometimes. | ||
| I'm like, man, I should give somebody else a chance, like a local. | ||
| I know sometimes they want to hop on a show. | ||
| And for the most part, I give guest spots like crazy if people ask. | ||
| I'll go five, six cities in a row where, like, maybe nobody's really fucking with me in that city or nobody's really trying to ask for a guest spot. | ||
| Or maybe they ask the club. | ||
| I don't know if the club's selling it yet or not. | ||
| But if you ask me, like, you're there? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't even have to watch your set, bro. | ||
| Like, if you're a comic who's taking the chance of... | ||
| Oh, you should have never said that. | ||
| I should have never said that. | ||
| Now I'm going to get bugged like crazy. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| You're going to get annoyed by people that shouldn't be on stage. | ||
| I also just stopped, you know, checking social media, so... | ||
| It's good luck finding you. | ||
| But for the most part, man, there's people that are like... | ||
| It's also the way they ask, man. | ||
| Some people be like, what's up, bro? | ||
| Let me hop on. | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| I'm like, bro, who the fuck are you? | ||
| Why are you talking to me like that? | ||
| I don't know you. | ||
| You ain't boys like that. | ||
| But for the most part, there'll be comics that are like, hey, man, any chance I could do some time on your show? | ||
| Big fan, whatever. | ||
| Or if you have room, if not, fuck it. | ||
| I'll be like, yeah, bro, hop on. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| I might not be able to give you a... | ||
| A full seven, maybe do a five or something, or it depends who else is with me. | ||
| But yeah, bro, I'm down. | ||
| Or even if I run into people that I already have met before, or I feel like they're working at it, they're pretty funny, like, I'll offer them some stage time. | ||
| Even if the guys who are already with me have to do less time, they're pretty cool about, like, fuck it, they're not greedy, you know what I mean? | ||
| Sometimes, like... | ||
| The main two guys that have been with me, my buddy Jesus Castillo and Luis Juarez, they're comics out of Dallas. | ||
| When I was early on, they were already kind of on and popping within Texas, so they'd take me to, like, open up in San Antonio or Abilene or Houston, you know, if they get a one-night here or there. | ||
| So those dudes were on the road with me now, and sometimes they might tell me, like, hey, bro, like, is there any chance I could do a longer set? | ||
| Like, I haven't really got a long set in a while, and, you know, I want to... | ||
| Fucking feel it, because maybe they got a headline gig coming up. | ||
| They've only been doing 10-15 for the last month or two. | ||
| So yeah, sometimes then I'll be like, alright, well, fuck it. | ||
| Let me close this show out. | ||
| It's only you two. | ||
| Each does 20. If you want to go over, fuck it. | ||
| This crowd's going to have fun either way. | ||
| But yeah, if I can, man, I'm down to share the stage, bro. | ||
| That's great. | ||
| That's great. | ||
| Look, in best case scenario, I met a lot of great friends doing the road where I'd never seen him before. | ||
| Tom Segura. | ||
| I did a show with him in Phoenix. | ||
| Never saw him before. | ||
| And he went up. | ||
| He went up first. | ||
| And he was hilarious. | ||
| And I said, hey man, what are you working out of? | ||
| And we started talking. | ||
| I said, I want to take you on the road. | ||
| And he was like, pfft. | ||
| He didn't believe it. | ||
| Then I called him up the next week. | ||
| I'm like, come on, man. | ||
| Let's go. | ||
| Let's go have some fun. | ||
| And we're like best friends now. | ||
| I love that dude to death. | ||
| He's out here, too. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He moved out here first. | ||
| He was one of the first. | ||
| Hinchcliffe was first. | ||
| Well, Ron White was here before all of us. | ||
| Ron White had told me about it. | ||
| He had already moved before the pandemic. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| Because I fucking love Austin. | ||
| Austin's a shit. | ||
| He goes, I can travel, do all my gigs. | ||
| It's in the middle of the country. | ||
| I was like, man, I don't know if I could live in Austin. | ||
| That's what I was thinking back then. | ||
| Like, you know, I'm in LA, my podcast is there, the store is there, jujitsu's there. | ||
| I don't know if I could leave yet. | ||
| But then the pandemic hit, and I was like, what? | ||
| I gotta get the fuck out of here. | ||
| And Ron was already here. | ||
| And so when we first came down, you know, Ron had told me, like, where to go, what's the cool spots. | ||
| And I'd been here a few times before doing stand-up over the years, you know. | ||
| Never really spent, like, a lot of time here. | ||
| But then when I decided to move, I was telling everybody, I was like, fuck that place, man. | ||
| Like, I'm thinking about opening a club. | ||
| And I first started, I got this place that was run by a cult. | ||
| The first building I got was this building called the One World Theater. | ||
| And it's a theater that... | ||
| Such a cult-ass name, too. | ||
| Such a cult-ass name. | ||
| But I think they named it that after the cult left. | ||
| One of the guys that was in the cult actually still owned it. | ||
| So what had happened was this dude ran a cult in West Hollywood. | ||
| And he's this really beautiful, handsome yoga guy. | ||
| He was a hypnotist and a gay porn star. | ||
| Oh shit. | ||
| Oh shit, yeah. | ||
| So this dude runs this cult in West Hollywood and then Waco pops off. | ||
| And the Cult Awareness Network is like, they're now investigating cults. | ||
| And there's a bunch of family members that have been complaining about this cult. | ||
| So this dude in the middle of the night fucking jets and takes off across the country and moves to Austin. | ||
| And changes his name. | ||
| And has all the cult members eventually come out here, and he wants them to build a theater so that he can dance in front of them. | ||
| That's the place I bought. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| Yeah, bro. | ||
| And I bought it because Ron was like, you should buy that place, I don't buy the cult, it's the shit. | ||
| I didn't stand up there once, it's fucking beautiful. | ||
| So, you know, Ron White's the man, so he tells me I should buy that place. | ||
| I'm like, all right, that'd probably be the perfect spot. | ||
| And so we were in the middle of this whole thing, but it all fell apart. | ||
| There were some issues that had to be dealt with that weren't dealt with. | ||
| I don't even know if I'm allowed to talk about them, so I won't. | ||
| But the point is, that was the original spot, and that fell apart, and then it was like a long time to try to find another spot. | ||
| And then Ron White grabbed me after I did that set with him at the Vulcan. | ||
| He's like, whatever the fuck we have to do, we're doing this. | ||
| I was like, okay, let's go. | ||
| Do you ever wonder if Ron White isn't really just a figment of your imagination? | ||
| He's your conscience? | ||
| No, Ron White isn't. | ||
| That's a real dude. | ||
| That's a real dude. | ||
| I love that kind of death. | ||
| He's our elder statesman of stand-up. | ||
| Everybody loves Ron White. | ||
| There's no Ron White haters out there. | ||
| Ron White is amazing. | ||
| He's just a beautiful person, too. | ||
| He's just great. | ||
| Every time I see him, I can't wait to hug him. | ||
| He's great. | ||
| And he's at the club. | ||
| He'll probably be there tonight if he's in town. | ||
| He's there all the time. | ||
| He does weekends here sometimes. | ||
| He does headlines on weeknights sometimes. | ||
| And that's what made him decide to go back on the road again. | ||
| Which is exciting. | ||
| Because I've never seen him better. | ||
| He's as good as he's ever been. | ||
| He's a fucking straight up killer. | ||
| If you could watch one last set. | ||
| Like this was your last set before you just disappeared. | ||
| Of anybody? | ||
| Alive? | ||
| Of anybody alive. | ||
| It'd probably be Joey. | ||
| Joey? | ||
| I was about to ask you, Joey or Ron? | ||
| Either one. | ||
| Boy, a show with Joey and Ron would be the perfect way to get out of this world and see that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's cool, man. | ||
| That's a cool thing to know. | ||
| Well, Joey, I love him so much. | ||
| You know, it's not just that I think he's the funniest guy ever. | ||
| He's just, I love that dude so much. | ||
| I'd probably go out watching an open mic. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Go out the way you came in. | ||
| Go out watch this little bomb. | ||
| I feel like this is horrible. | ||
| Goodbye. | ||
| I can't watch open mics bomb. | ||
| Nah? | ||
| I can't. | ||
| I gotta get out of the room. | ||
| I feel like it's contagious. | ||
| Like when I would go on the road and I'd have a terrible opening act, it's always, always in Florida. | ||
| They would throw people up. | ||
| They'd been doing stand-up for five minutes. | ||
| They'd never done stand-up before. | ||
| These people were terrible. | ||
| So many of these clubs, they were so bad. | ||
| And I would be in the green room and I'd peek my head out and watch this dude just eat shit. | ||
| I'd be like, oh my god, I gotta get in my own head. | ||
| I can't pay attention to that. | ||
| Because I would try to pay attention to make sure that they're not talking about stuff that I talk about. | ||
| I don't want to cover the same ground. | ||
| So I'd listen to the opening act to try to figure out, like, oh, he talked about that movie. | ||
| I can't talk about that movie. | ||
| Let me adjust my set. | ||
| But they were so bad, I had to hide. | ||
| I'm like, I just got to be in this fucking room by myself. | ||
| I got to listen to music or something. | ||
| I can't do this, man. | ||
| I think it's contagious. | ||
| Like, you start thinking nothing's funny. | ||
| There's nothing funny in the world. | ||
| Nothing's funny. | ||
| This guy's not funny. | ||
| I feel that. | ||
| But if someone's funny, then you feel like, oh good, I'm loose now. | ||
| They're laughing, I'm laughing, everyone's having a good time. | ||
| I also try not to listen too much to other comics before I start trying to write in their voice or something like that. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Well, that was a real problem in the come-up, right? | ||
| When people are on their way up. | ||
| A lot of people in New York sound exactly like Dave Attell. | ||
| You know, there was a lot of this. | ||
| There was a lot of punchlines. | ||
| It sounded like Dave. | ||
| And it's just because his rhythm is so funny. | ||
| He's such a virtuoso that when he's on stage, it's so smooth and it goes into this... | ||
| He's got this flow to him that's so contagious. | ||
| And so you want to be funny too. | ||
| You're like, maybe I need to talk like that. | ||
| I need to talk like Dave. | ||
| There's a lot of guys who get caught up in other people's... | ||
| I did it for a while. | ||
| I caught myself on stage once when I was an open-miker. | ||
| I sounded exactly like Richard Jenne. | ||
| I was a giant Richard Jenne fan. | ||
| And I sounded like... | ||
| I was doing like his timing. | ||
| Like his... | ||
| It was like... | ||
| I was like, oh no. | ||
| I realized it while I was doing it. | ||
| I was like, yuck. | ||
| Don't do that. | ||
| I feel like a lot of the comedians I see in New York would talk very fast. | ||
| And then I kind of tried to do that. | ||
| And I tried to do that when I first started doing stand-up too. | ||
| I'd be so nervous. | ||
| I'm just trying to get it out already. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But I can't talk that fast. | ||
| And some people will get mad. | ||
| Those are some of the feedback I've gotten back on stand-up. | ||
| It's like, ah, it's just too slow for me. | ||
| But I can't. | ||
| Talk that fast because I won't be able to enunciate. | ||
| And I think it's because my tongue is kind of big. | ||
| I got this white-ass tongue. | ||
| So this guy, I bet you if he sees, he's going to freak out. | ||
| He loves the credit. | ||
| There's a guy named Bobby Goldsmith in Dallas. | ||
| Who would go to the back door open mic a lot. | ||
| And one time he told me, he was like, hey man, you're like, you're funny. | ||
| You have good material. | ||
| He's like, but the audience doesn't know it because you're talking too fast and you don't enunciate. | ||
| He's like, slow down. | ||
| He's like, talk slow. | ||
| He's like, talk slow. | ||
| And so I just, I just fuck it. | ||
| Like, I just put the nerves to the side. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I just said the jokes as if I was reading them off a paper. | ||
| And I started getting more laughs. | ||
| And I was just like, man, like, Now I'm kind of finding my timing with it, but like I'll never be able to talk super fast. | ||
| You won't fucking understand. | ||
| Some dudes mumble and then when they get on stage they mumbled like Ari used to mumble and it was hard to understand. | ||
| I go, dude, I don't know what the fuck you're saying. | ||
| I'm your friend. | ||
| I go, you gotta clean those words up. | ||
| Make those words real clear. | ||
| These people don't know you. | ||
| You're a professional orator. | ||
| Stop mumbling. | ||
| I feel like I'm still learning how to hold the mic. | ||
| Sometimes I'm like 30 minutes into a set and I just angle it up a bit. | ||
| I'm like, that sounds better. | ||
| Or you switch hands. | ||
| I used to only have to hold it in my right hand. | ||
| Now it seems like I don't want to use my right hand anymore. | ||
| I want to hold it with my left. | ||
| And I switch back and forth for like years. | ||
| I'll switch sometimes, but yeah, I can't. | ||
| I have to hold it on my left. | ||
| That's the other thing about Joey. | ||
| He's the funniest guy ever that just leaves the mic in the stand. | ||
| Oh, man. | ||
| Never takes the mic out of that stand. | ||
| People always hype up the chair. | ||
| Like, don't get me wrong. | ||
| Ali Sadiq, that's one of my all-time favorite comics. | ||
| I think it was fucking hilarious, right? | ||
| But people hype up the chair. | ||
| They're like, oh, so tough to sit in the chair. | ||
| Like, you gotta figure it out. | ||
| Like, not just anybody can sit in the chair. | ||
| You know, it's only Cosby and Ali that can figure that out. | ||
| But I think, like, funny is funny. | ||
| When you're listening to a comedy album, you're not like, oh, yeah, he's in the chair. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I can tell. | |
| Yo, Bryan Simpson sits in that chair all the time. | ||
| Like, murders. | ||
| Right? | ||
| But that is... | ||
| That is one, like, fucking thing that I feel like I just can't do is leave the mic in the stand. | ||
| I've tried that. | ||
| I fucking bomb. | ||
| I don't know what it is. | ||
| I can't leave the mic in the stand. | ||
| Joey uses both hands. | ||
| He's got both hands going on, you know? | ||
| So he likes that fucking mic in the stand, cocksucker. | ||
| Some people got... | ||
| My buddy Hyman. | ||
| I grew up with this. | ||
| He's my childhood best friend. | ||
| Goofiest fucking guy I've ever met. | ||
| To me, this is, like, the funniest dude in life. | ||
| Just some goofy nerd. | ||
| Not to talk too much shit on my buddy Hyman, but just goofy in the face. | ||
| I took him with me when I did Bobby Lee's podcast, and Bobby Lee was instantly like, who the fuck's this guy? | ||
| And just fell in love with him instantly. | ||
| Started fucking with him and shit. | ||
| So I know that he's always wanted to do stand-up. | ||
| He's a comedy nerd. | ||
| He's the one that really taught me how to love comedy. | ||
| We'd watch movies, shows, and he'd be laughing his ass off at shit that most people don't realize that that's an intentional joke in a show, right? | ||
| Right. | ||
| We had like a falling out. | ||
| And when things started popping off for me with comedy, we still weren't talking. | ||
| But then we, you know, started talking again, whatever. | ||
| He's a photographer, a videographer back home for like nightclubs, very much in like the bar scene. | ||
| So I tell him like, hey man, like, come on the road with us. | ||
| Just take pictures, record my set so I can keep getting clips. | ||
| Like, you know, if you want to. | ||
| He'd be like, yeah, fuck it. | ||
| He'd come every now and then. | ||
| Then he started coming just every weekend. | ||
| And I'd be like, go do five minutes. | ||
| Like, fuck it. | ||
| Just do three minutes. | ||
| Do three minutes. | ||
| Whatever. | ||
| Like, tell a story. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Tell them what we did last night when we went out in Chicago or something. | ||
| And, man, it would just fucking go well. | ||
| I've never, like, I'm not even trying to hype this dude up too much, but I've never seen somebody go up on their first time and get that many laughs. | ||
| I'm not saying he had a fucking, like, just destroyed the room. | ||
| But to get, like, laughs that heavy on their first time? | ||
| I'm like, bro, there's something there. | ||
| You're a true fucking comedy fan. | ||
| You're like a comic at heart. | ||
| Just keep fucking trying it. | ||
| I'll keep throwing you up on stage. | ||
| That's beautiful. | ||
| But, you know, I also told him, like... | ||
| Is he still doing it? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's been doing it a few months now. | ||
| But I tell him, like, you gotta hit mics, though, when we're at home. | ||
| Like, I'm not just gonna fucking throw you on stage so you can get babied by mic crowds, because, you know what I mean? | ||
| That's kind of... | ||
| He's got even more of a lucky break than you got. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because you're throwing him up in front of packed houses. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But he'll go up there and won't take the mic out of the stand sometimes. | ||
| And I get so jealous. | ||
| I'm like, you're fucking... | ||
| You're doing good this early on, and you're not taking the fucking mic out? | ||
| Like, oh, man... | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| And he was up there like, he looks so cool. | ||
| He looked like fucking Norm Macdonald with his body moves. | ||
| She's like... | ||
| Well, he's a comedy fan, you know? | ||
| So if you're a comedy fan, you're watching... | ||
| Like, do you know Eleanor Kerrigan? | ||
| No. | ||
| She's hilarious. | ||
| She opens up for Dice Clay all the time. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| She was a waitress at the comedy store forever. | ||
| Forever. | ||
| We always knew her as a waitress. | ||
| And then she was a pro wrestler for a while. | ||
| She did like pro wrestling. | ||
| We all went to see her. | ||
| She was at the Forum. | ||
| She was an easy rider. | ||
| That was her wrestling name? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Bro, she was like a motorcycle lady. | ||
| She would fucking crush a pool ball in her hand in the fucking intro video. | ||
| It was hilarious. | ||
| She's really funny. | ||
| But anyway, and then she started doing stand-up. | ||
| And we're like, oh, you were always a comic. | ||
| You just never did it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And she's great. | ||
| She headlines now. | ||
| Fucking badass. | ||
| But we knew her for like 10 years as just the cool waitress. | ||
| She was just our friend. | ||
| Our friend, the cool waitress. | ||
| But she was always like a good judge of talent. | ||
| You know, someone come in from out of town. | ||
| She was like the first person I'd go to. | ||
| Yeah, some people know, man. | ||
| I go, how was that guy? | ||
| She goes, pretty good. | ||
| He's good. | ||
| He's real. | ||
| I don't even think I have that eye. | ||
| Like, to be able to see somebody early on and be like, nah, I think they got something. | ||
| But don't she, if they make you laugh, If they make you laugh, they got something. | ||
| You're like, okay, you got something. | ||
| You got something. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But sometimes, man, I don't know. | ||
| You ever do that thing where you're watching a comic, and even though they say something hilarious, sometimes you don't laugh. | ||
| You're just fucking thinking about what they said, like dissecting it. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| But then there's people who do just make me laugh, and I'm like, holy fuck, I couldn't even think about it. | ||
| I didn't even have time to think about it. | ||
| It just made me laugh. | ||
| Yeah, there's some guy, like when Hicks came along, You know, Hicks came along now and all of a sudden everybody wanted to say something. | ||
| It was so interesting. | ||
| Because before that, like even Richard Jenny, he said, I remember he was talking about watching Hicks. | ||
| He goes, every time I watch Hicks, I keep thinking, gosh, Bob should be doing more like that. | ||
| I should really say something. | ||
| Because he would just say shit. | ||
| This is, you've got to realize, Hicks is before the internet. | ||
| Okay? | ||
| This is, Hicks was huge in like, 88 to... | ||
| When did he die? | ||
| I think he died in like 93. When did Hicks die? | ||
| I think he was actually 95 because I think I'd already made my way. | ||
| 94? | ||
| Right. | ||
| So I'd already made my way to California when I heard that he died. | ||
| You be careful with this thing. | ||
| I feel like I'm a No, flip the top. | ||
| Push the top up. | ||
| This thing? | ||
| Yeah, push that over. | ||
| There you go. | ||
| Now hit that thing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
There you go. | |
| Technology. | ||
| It's crafty. | ||
| Shout out to Calibri. | ||
| But Hicks was... | ||
| So this was like... | ||
| There was no podcast back then. | ||
| There was no audiobooks. | ||
| So when Hicks was talking about shit, he had like a different base of knowledge that he was working from than most comics. | ||
| He was like really well read. | ||
| He would quote Noam Chomsky. | ||
| He had material that was like... | ||
| Who's that, Noam Chomsky? | ||
| He's a linguist who is a very famous public intellectual who used to have debates with people on television. | ||
| He's one of the most measured and interesting people from the 1960s and the 1970s on foreign policy and all kinds of interesting... | ||
| Interesting things, but the point is like Hicks had this, he knew more about more things than other comics did. | ||
| And when he talked about things, when he talked about like the scams of war and, you know, and what the fuck is going on in society, it was like, wow, this guy's like super insightful. | ||
| And then everybody wanted to be so insightful too. | ||
| So it was a bunch of Hicks clones. | ||
| So there was the punchline in Atlanta. | ||
| There was a green room and a bunch of people signed the walls in the green room and shit. | ||
| You know how those are. | ||
| And then this one thing just said, quit trying to be Hicks. | ||
| And I was like, oh. | ||
| And when Jamie moved the club, he said he was going to save that for me. | ||
| I don't know what happened with that. | ||
| I'm like, that would be a beautiful piece of ancient comedy history. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Gotta be you. | ||
| Yeah, but there was a lot of Hicks-y clones. | ||
| A lot of guys who wanted everybody to think they were really smart. | ||
| But Hicks was really smart. | ||
| He wasn't trying to get people to think he was really smart. | ||
| He was really smart. | ||
| And he just had thoughts that he wanted to get out. | ||
| And there was no podcast back then. | ||
| So all his thoughts, all his ideas and philosophy, he had to get out in comedy. | ||
| So it was like... | ||
| Deeper than other comedians. | ||
| It was very interesting. | ||
| And, you know, some comics think it wasn't as funny as other comics. | ||
| Like, okay. | ||
| Yeah, he's not as funny as Kinison. | ||
| But he had some fascinating points that made you think. | ||
| And you left the show and you were stimulated in different ways. | ||
| It was interesting and it was funny. | ||
| It was very interesting, though. | ||
| That's what we were talking about earlier. | ||
| That's a dope part about comedy and watching different people's style. | ||
| If you're a true comedy fan, you can appreciate different forms of funny. | ||
| Yeah, I love all kinds of funny. | ||
| I love Jim Gaffigan funny. | ||
| I love Nate Bargatze. | ||
| Both of those guys are squeaky clean. | ||
| Brian Regan's hilarious. | ||
| Squeaky clean. | ||
| You can take your grandma and see Brian Regan. | ||
| You never have to worry about nothing. | ||
| And hilarious. | ||
| And then murder. | ||
| I try not to watch too much stand-up. | ||
| I feel like all I'm doing is stand-up. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| I'm, like, obsessed with it. | ||
| But sometimes, you know, you still need, like, other shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Right? | ||
| But... | ||
| I could sit down for hours on YouTube, watch the same videos over and over again. | ||
| Like, the two comics that I feel like, even if I never got to see anybody else perform, but just these two comics alone, Dave Chappelle and Mitch Hedberg. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Those two are like, that's it. | ||
| That's it for me. | ||
| Well, they both move at a slower pace, too, which, like, fits your style. | ||
| You know? | ||
| And Mitch Hedberg was... | ||
| He was so good at non sequiturs. | ||
| You have one non sequitur into another non sequitur. | ||
| In my opinion, that's like the purest form of joke telling. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's just... | ||
| All jokes. | ||
| The only information in what he's saying is for the joke. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Like there's no... | ||
| Right. | ||
| There's nothing to even learn from it. | ||
| Nothing. | ||
| Just jokes. | ||
| Just pure for the sake of the laugh. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I feel like right now, in the setup I'm doing right now on the road, my first 10 minutes are like that, and then the rest is me just kind of, I don't know, still working out the rest. | ||
| But some of it could... | ||
| I could talk about some shit that some people take serious, but even on the shit that... | ||
| Like, if I talk about an issue, it's never like a smart thing. | ||
| Because, I mean, I'm still learning a lot of shit. | ||
| So, I feel like my comedy is very much just me being like, yo, I don't know what the fuck this is about, but here's what I think. | ||
| Like, I don't know. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Like, Latino Republicans look weird. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, that's just what I think. | ||
| It just looks weird, man. | ||
| You're allowed to have those opinions, man. | ||
| They need to relax. | ||
| Cubans are feisty people, though. | ||
| People message me sometimes like, you have a platform. | ||
| You gotta be careful. | ||
| You gotta use a platform for good. | ||
| No, I don't. | ||
| My platform's for joking. | ||
| Yeah, shut up. | ||
| Don't tell me how to use my platform. | ||
| Yeah, you'll get a platform. | ||
| Go talk to a politician. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| You can't tell someone what they have to use their platform or shut your mouth. | ||
| People are crazy. | ||
| Yeah, that's not your job. | ||
| Also, I'm not even saying the shit I'm saying is right or wrong. | ||
| I could be fucking up. | ||
| We'll see. | ||
| You're trying to be funny. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That's it. | ||
| In the years to come, we'll see the mistakes I'm making. | ||
| But I'm letting you know right now, I'm definitely making some mistakes, actually. | ||
| Fuck, get off my back. | ||
| Bro, we're still making mistakes. | ||
| Every time I have a new bit, I'm making mistakes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Every time I'm working on a new bed, it's like, where is this thing going? | ||
| Gotta try it a bunch of different ways. | ||
| In some ways, you're like, yikes. | ||
| I can't do it that way. | ||
| That's fucking... | ||
| It sounds terrible. | ||
| Back up. | ||
| Don't say it that way. | ||
| I like you. | ||
| That's your waiting ring? | ||
| Yeah, it's silicone. | ||
| You're one of those dudes. | ||
| You wear jewelry at all or nah? | ||
| I have a real ring. | ||
| Anytime I see a dude with those rings, I'm like, that guy knows how to fight. | ||
| That guy knows jujitsu or something. | ||
| Have you ever seen what happens when you get your finger caught in your ring doing something like jujitsu? | ||
| It's called sheathing. | ||
| It's a horrible injury. | ||
| Sheathing? | ||
| Sheathing. | ||
| Where it takes the skin off of the meat of the bone. | ||
| So the meat and the skin pull up and the wedding ring digs right down into the bone and tears everything apart. | ||
| Oh, shit, bro. | ||
| See that? | ||
| That's what happens with wedding ring injuries. | ||
| What is that white? | ||
| Is that like a string? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's a ligament. | |
| Oh, it's a ligament? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, I thought they tied it up. | ||
| That shit is gone, son. | ||
| And there's a bunch... | ||
| I know a dude who had that happen. | ||
| It was a wedding ring. | ||
| He was doing jujitsu. | ||
| He has a wedding ring on. | ||
| Should've got married. | ||
| Should've worn a fucking stupid ass ring. | ||
| Should've just done jujitsu. | ||
| Mine is silicone. | ||
| I have a regular one too, but this is like, if I do, I could lift weights with this. | ||
| Do you wear the regular one when you go out, like, or something like that? | ||
| Yeah, I'm looking good. | ||
| Wear a Rolex, nice ring. | ||
| I like, I don't know. | ||
| I bought this little chain. | ||
| I always wanted like a little gold chain. | ||
| That's a nice size gold chain. | ||
| It's pretty. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It looks good. | |
| I think it's flexy enough. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's got a little cage. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| I am going to buy a big one eventually. | ||
| Like a rapper, like just fucking huge. | ||
| Big fat one. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I will wear it to like a club one night and just let the eagle come out a bit. | ||
| I feel like I try my best not to. | ||
| Let the eagle come out? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| What's the eagle? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You know, like the ego, like your ego, like... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I guess it all depends. | ||
| Yeah, sometimes... | ||
| Show your feathers. | ||
| I want to show my feathers. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| I've never been like a nightclub guy, like to go out. | ||
| I used to go with my buddy when we were younger and he started doing the videography and shit. | ||
| But there was a comedy club down the street from like the club scene in Dallas. | ||
| So whenever the shows would be done, whatever, I'd walk down the street, just dressed like just left Walmart or some shit. | ||
| And I'd just help my buddy carry like camera equipment or just hang out with him, have a beer. | ||
| And I'd see guys just flexing hard, you know, local dope dealers or guys that work nine to fives, but they're in there just trying to show out, you know? | ||
| And it's crazy. | ||
| It's crazy that that's the place to, like, fucking prove yourself. | ||
| And everybody wanted to be in there, man. | ||
| Like, that club culture was fucking nuts to me. | ||
| I'd stand outside with this guy named Jojo. | ||
| He's a door guy. | ||
| He looks like a Buddha. | ||
| Huge. | ||
| He's Mexican, but his eyes can't even open anymore. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| They gave him a hoodie with a boot on it, and it said, JoJo staff. | ||
| And there'd be guys just trying to come in, like, what's up, bro? | ||
| Like, can you, I'll give you a hundred bucks, you let us in. | ||
| And they'd be like, all right, well, you guys get in. | ||
| And then sometimes they'd leave a guy behind. | ||
| I remember there was a guy every, like every hour, there was one guy, at least for every hour, that they'd be like, well, not you, because last week you were in here starting shit. | ||
| And they'd be like, come on, man. | ||
| Come on, man. | ||
| Let me in. | ||
| And his boys would leave him behind. | ||
| I'm like, first of all, why do you hang out with these people? | ||
| They just left you. | ||
| Literally out in the cold. | ||
| You could see our breath. | ||
| I'm like, what the fuck are you doing, bro? | ||
| Go to another club. | ||
| Go find new friends. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| And they sit there like, come on, man. | ||
| Come on, man. | ||
| It's like crazy that they want to be in there. | ||
| And then when they're in there, it's all about the guy who has the section. | ||
| The piece of floor that's elevated six inches higher than the rest of it on the couch. | ||
| Oh, like bottle service. | ||
| Bottle service. | ||
| The guy who has the bottle. | ||
| The guy showing up. | ||
| People start throwing money in there, right? | ||
| And I was in there like a nobody just watching. | ||
| I'm like, what the fuck? | ||
| What is it? | ||
| And then one day, I started getting to tour. | ||
| Is my shit still there? | ||
| Yeah, you got it. | ||
| We started getting to tour of October 2022, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I didn't go out and do nothing like that. | ||
| If I would go, I'd go to dive bars. | ||
| I started going to bars in New York with my buddies out there. | ||
| Just fucking dive bars. | ||
| I fell in love with that shit. | ||
| Drinking in some place, some shitty place until 4 a.m. | ||
| It was fun. | ||
| On New Year's was my first show back home. | ||
| It was my first time settling out back home and just... | ||
| I was like, I'm going to get it out. | ||
| I'm going to do that. | ||
| What I saw them do and how they used to shit on me, I'm going to do that tonight on New Year's night. | ||
| I'm going to go to a club with my friends. | ||
| I'm going to get a bottle and I'm going to just go all out. | ||
| See what it feels like. | ||
| It was fucking awesome for like an hour. | ||
| And then people start trying to like test you. | ||
| And I'm like, nah, bro. | ||
| I'm not fit to get into shit over this fucking six by six foot piece of real estate that I'm never going to own. | ||
| How are they testing you? | ||
| Oh, they start trying to stand on your section. | ||
| So you're standing on the main floor. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But if you take one step back, you're six inches elevated on this other little platform here. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Which is my section. | ||
| That I paid like 300 bucks for, for the night. | ||
| And you gotta like tell them, bro, get off my section. | ||
| Or you just get more strangers on your section. | ||
| Oh no. | ||
| Right? | ||
| And they're doing it on purpose. | ||
| Because it's like this ego, like I'm the man in here. | ||
| Oh no. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So it was fun for a minute. | ||
| But I'm like, nah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nah. | |
| I'd rather not do that. | ||
| So after that, if I do go to clubs or bars, I'll never buy a section again. | ||
| I'm not going to pay extra money for elevated floor just so people can fucking try to... | ||
| I'm the man. | ||
| If I'm going to go out there, I'm going to just get drunk. | ||
| I might do some shrooms. | ||
| I'm going to have a good time no matter where the fuck I'm at. | ||
| I think you're better off in a dive bar with your sensibilities. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The reason why people do that is because they don't have other things going on. | ||
| The reason why someone wants to be the guy with the corner or these six inches elevated and wear all the gold chains and the big watch and all the jewelry and shit, it's because that's like the way you stand out. | ||
| I'll tell you what I'm going to do. | ||
| I'm still going to go back and shit on these people. | ||
| Don't get me wrong. | ||
| But I'll tell you how I'm going to do it. | ||
| How are you going to do it? | ||
| I'm going to buy the 1989 Michael Keaton Batmobile. | ||
| And when they see me pulling up to that in the club or leaving in that, how can you top that? | ||
| You did whatever you had to do in the club. | ||
| You threw your money. | ||
| You looked good for the night. | ||
| But your girl's probably going to want to go home with Batman, you know? | ||
| I bet that car drives like shit. | ||
| Probably. | ||
| What does that car look like? | ||
| Pull up the Michael Keaton Batmobile. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't even remember what it looked like. | |
| Is that what it looks like? | ||
| Yeah, I'll paint it myself too. | ||
| That's been one of my dreams is to paint the Batmobile. | ||
| Alright, I take it back. | ||
| That looks pretty dope. | ||
| Pretty sick, right? | ||
| That thing's amazing. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| Does someone make that? | ||
| Oh, someone makes that. | ||
| God made it. | ||
| Yeah, but I bet you'd get someone to make that. | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
| Bro, that's what you should do. | ||
| Don't buy that one. | ||
| They would never sell that one. | ||
| It's a 67 Impala? | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Well, it's based off of it. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| I love Impalas. | ||
| I never knew. | ||
| No wonder I like it. | ||
| That thing drives like shit. | ||
| You gotta do something with that suspension. | ||
| You gotta send that shit to Roaster Shop. | ||
| I bet Roaster Shop could make you a Batmobile. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| 100%. | ||
| I'm down. | ||
| Or someone like that, like someone who does like custom work. | ||
| There's some dudes out there. | ||
| Look at those buttons. | ||
| Pure Vision. | ||
| I could see Steve Stroop making something like that. | ||
| Can you go back to the buttons, the panel? | ||
| One time, it was like my first time going to Las Vegas. | ||
| And it was also my first like heavy, heavy mushroom trip. | ||
| I got in the front seat of a taxi cab. | ||
| Because my friends are big guys, like on the heavy side. | ||
| So I couldn't fit in the back with them. | ||
| I got in the front. | ||
| And I was just tripping really hard. | ||
| The whole front looked like all that. | ||
| It's tripping hard. | ||
| In the taxi cab? | ||
| In the taxi cab. | ||
| Oh, so like the CB radio and all that shit? | ||
| Yeah, it looked like you were in the Millennium Falcon almost. | ||
| Yeah, whenever I look at a pilot, like if you get on a plane, you peek through where the pilots are, see all that shit they got? | ||
| Imagine if the pilot died and you had to figure those things out. | ||
| There's all these buttons up here and buttons down there. | ||
| Fuck! | ||
| That's too many buttons. | ||
| Too many buttons. | ||
| How do they... | ||
| I always like... | ||
| Every time a pilot lands, I'm like, you can't see that, like... | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| Pilots' landing scares the shit out of me. | ||
| It should. | ||
| Flying just scares the shit out of me. | ||
| I do want to learn to fly, though, but I want those little ones that you can land on water. | ||
| But I heard those crash a lot. | ||
| I bet they do. | ||
| I've flown in those before. | ||
| Wait, have you flown one? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| I've been a passenger in one of those before. | ||
| Is it scary? | ||
| Is it a bumpy ride? | ||
| Yeah, we flew into Alaska and landed on a lake. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| Yeah, we're camping in Prince Edward's Island, I think that's what it is. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Is there actual prints on that island? | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| If it is, it's dead. | ||
| It rains there, like, every day. | ||
| Every day of the year. | ||
| Basically, every day of the year. | ||
| I think it rains, like, 300 days a year or something crazy like that. | ||
| Do you ever hate when you're, like, out and about and it's raining? | ||
| I like rain, but I like it when I'm home. | ||
| Well, one thing that rain does do for you, if you spend a week in the rain, when you get back home, especially, like, somewhere like California where it's, like, sunny, it's like, oh, my God, it feels amazing. | ||
| It feels amazing. | ||
| Like, you don't know what the sun really feels like until you've been, like, dumped on in a tent every day for a week. | ||
| Alright. | ||
| Because you're so cold, you never dry out. | ||
| I think I need that, because right now I'm sick of the sun. | ||
| Fuck the sun. | ||
| That's because you live in a place that has great weather. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| California, that's the number one thing people get spoiled by is that weather. | ||
| That weather's perfect. | ||
| That's why everybody moved there initially to do films because they could do movies out there and it was never raining. | ||
| If you had an outdoor scene and it rained, you were fucked. | ||
| Do you have a favorite movie? | ||
| A favorite one? | ||
| No. | ||
| We're about a top three? | ||
| I don't think I do. | ||
| At least for the week, you know? | ||
| Well, this week right now, it's High Plains Drifter. | ||
| I watched High Plains Drifter the other day for the first time in years, and I forgot. | ||
| I've never seen that guy. | ||
| Check it out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| High Plains Drifter. | ||
| I think it's from the 1970s. | ||
| It's one of them Clint Eastwood movies. | ||
| Oh, I love Clint Eastwood, bro. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| Clint Eastwood is the type of guy that when I first saw him on a movie, like an old movie, I was like, whoa, what if he's racist? | ||
| But even if he was, I was like, he's fucking badass. | ||
| He could be racist all he wants. | ||
| I saw him on those old westerns shooting Mexicans. | ||
| I was like, fuck it, bro. | ||
| Do what you gotta do, Clint Eastwood. | ||
| What is it called again? | ||
| High Plains Drifter. | ||
| I'm gonna write that. | ||
| I'm gonna put the cigar in my mouth as I write so I can feel like I'm writing big numbers. | ||
| It's a ghost story. | ||
| It's about a dude who gets... | ||
| Spoiler alert. | ||
| It's a movie from the 70s, right? | ||
| What year was that movie? | ||
| 73. 73? | ||
| It's about a guy who gets whipped to death. | ||
| He's the sheriff in this town. | ||
| He gets whipped to death. | ||
| And he comes back. | ||
| He comes back and kills everybody. | ||
| He comes back as Clint Eastwood. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| And they don't recognize that it's him because he looks totally different. | ||
| Kind of like Chucky? | ||
| But he appears out of nowhere in the beginning of the movie. | ||
| There's like this fucking heat... | ||
| You know those heat waves that you see when you look at a highway, it looks like a mirage? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So this heat wave, he just appears out of nowhere in this heat wave, rides into town, fucks the whole town up, kills everybody, and then rides back out the same way and disappears. | ||
| Goes back to hell or heaven. | ||
| Goes back to hell. | ||
| He painted the whole town red. | ||
| Hell yeah. | ||
| Yeah, it's a wild movie. | ||
| But it's also a wild movie because it's a time capsule. | ||
| Like, you have to look at old movies and imagine you're living in 1973. You can't look at an old movie and think from a 2023 perspective. | ||
| 1970s movies are some of the best films. | ||
| And I feel like if it's a good movie, I will just kind of get captured in it. | ||
| And when I do go out and about again, I'm just like, oh shit, what the fuck? | ||
| There's some great movies. | ||
| I like, I don't know, there's like a point to this movie or what? | ||
| This is High Plains Drifter. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What did you say your name was again? | |
| Heh heh. | ||
| He's a man with no name. | ||
| I fucking love that. | ||
| It's a great movie. | ||
| I wish I couldn't even get introduced on stage. | ||
| I wish I could just walk on stage. | ||
| He kills everybody, bro. | ||
| And they don't understand it. | ||
| It's a wild movie. | ||
| Look at that guy. | ||
| He's like, why are you killing us? | ||
| But it's a wild movie because it's a movie from 1973. That's the whole thing about it. | ||
| It's like you've got to put yourself in 1973 to really enjoy it. | ||
| This might be me being too picky with movies, but it is kind of tough to watch a Western movie these days in such high definition. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It's a little weird, man. | ||
| I love movies from the 70s. | ||
| I really like Dog Day Afternoon. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| I like that movie, Saturday Night Fever. | ||
| Oh, man. | ||
| That's a great movie. | ||
| It's a little too intense when John Travolta's character is just like, what is her name? | ||
| That girl that ends up getting kind of raped by those dudes. | ||
| Not kind of. | ||
| She got raped. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I forget her name. | ||
| And he's all like, you see? | ||
| Is that what you wanted? | ||
| Oh. | ||
| I'm like, oh shit, bro, she just got raped. | ||
| Like, come for her or something. | ||
| And then his friend falls off the bridge, and all the attention goes to that. | ||
| I'm like, hey, they just raped that chick. | ||
| So that part of the movie is a little off to me, but I'm like, I don't know. | ||
| It's a depressing movie. | ||
| Yeah, but the beginning is dope as fuck. | ||
| Yeah, well, it's dope as fuck because you're also realizing that those people are doing the exact same thing that people are trying to do at the club sitting on that platform. | ||
| They're trying to show out. | ||
| And they're trying to show out by dancing. | ||
| I'm just intrigued by club culture in general, man. | ||
| Maybe that's why I like that movie so much. | ||
| Because that guy's whole thing is like... | ||
| He's just showing up and dancing better than anybody. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Being the man at the club. | ||
| Being the man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| When you saw him dance, like, oh my God, look at him go. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you know what though? | ||
| The part that really made me feel like, look at him go, is the beginning of that movie. | ||
| He's just like walking and he gets two pizzas and folds them together. | ||
| Then he sees his shirt. | ||
| He's like, I'm going to put that shirt on layaway. | ||
| I'm going to come back for it. | ||
| I'll be like, hell yeah, that's life right there. | ||
| Give me some volume. | ||
| This is the life Joe Rogan smoking a cigar and watching 70s movies. | ||
| Look how good he looks. | ||
| When he walks, he's dancing. | ||
| I mean, that dude's dancing when he walks. | ||
| He's like, hey, hey girl. | ||
| Ah, never mind. | ||
| Hell yeah, that's life, you know? | ||
| What a great song, too. | ||
| Oh yeah. | ||
| Because that song is really... | ||
| That song is what the movie's all about. | ||
| I mean, they're just trying to... | ||
| Look how handsome he was back then. | ||
| God damn, John Travolta. | ||
| Two slices at the same time. | ||
| Got the little gold chain. | ||
| That's what inspired me to get the gold chain of John Travolta, you know? | ||
| A little pizazz, a little flash. | ||
| This is a great movie, but it also gave me a lot of anxiety. | ||
| What year was that movie? | ||
| 77? | ||
| Are you guessing? | ||
| 77, yeah. | ||
| You ever hear the story... | ||
| Oh, sorry, what are you going to say? | ||
| No, I was 10 years old when that movie came out. | ||
| And I remember getting anxiety about being an adult. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| Yeah, because they didn't know what the fuck they were doing with their life. | ||
| They're just dancing, everybody's falling apart, and people are dying. | ||
| I feel like all life is is people just going with it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Nobody really knows, you know? | ||
| They also didn't have any fucking... | ||
| Like, where do you go? | ||
| What do you do? | ||
| I heard Honduras? | ||
| Honduras? | ||
| There's no, like, addresses? | ||
| I could be wrong. | ||
| Maybe they haven't by now, but... | ||
| They don't have addresses? | ||
| They don't have, like... | ||
| How do you get mail? | ||
| So the mailman just knows where you live. | ||
| You think I'm making this up? | ||
| I, like... | ||
| Is that like one town in Honduras or the whole country? | ||
| I think it's a lot of towns. | ||
| I could be wrong. | ||
| But here's from the stories I've heard. | ||
| So my son, I have a four-year-old son, right? | ||
| His mom is half Honduran. | ||
| His mom, though, has never met her biological father. | ||
| But my son's grandma... | ||
| You know, obviously knows who this guy is. | ||
| She would tell me these stories. | ||
| She was a cool lady, man. | ||
| She was telling me how, like, when she was, I think she was pregnant or when her, when my son's mom was a baby, she went to Honduras because her baby daddy had gotten deported. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And she didn't have a dress. | ||
| Guy's Republican now. | ||
| No, I'm kidding. | ||
| He's Republican. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| But she went to Honduras. | ||
| To like, I guess be with the guy or at least look for the guy. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| She says it's like crazy dangerous. | ||
| It's like the majority of the people walking around with machetes. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| And I could be mixing it up because I've also heard stories about Salvadorians. | ||
| I just want a story that confirms sort of what you just said. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Really? | ||
| What does it say? | ||
| Someone on TripAdvisor just says, I'm trying to find help for my husband to get his U.S. visa. | ||
| Needs his mom's street address in Choluteca. | ||
| And then someone responds and says, very few streets have formal names. | ||
| It's common to see addresses such as X neighborhood, Red House behind the church, or across from the Veniceboro. | ||
| So if you know the name or look, someone can help you. | ||
| You gotta be a skilled fucking mailman. | ||
| Right, when do you think they first, like when they first started making towns, when was the first dude to say, this is Mike's Lane. | ||
| It had to be a fucking fed up mailman. | ||
| It had to be a mailman who was like, I gotta get in charge of this town to fucking figure out these problems. | ||
| Right, what would they do before a mailman? | ||
| Before there was the mail. | ||
| Memory. | ||
| No, they had to get letters to each other somehow. | ||
| I mean, I know they used ravens. | ||
| Oh, that's pretty cool. | ||
| Send a raven. | ||
| That's Game of Thrones, you know? | ||
| Life has gotten way too comfortable these days, man. | ||
| We need to go back to, like, where you had to learn to communicate with ravens. | ||
| Wolves in the street. | ||
| Wolves in the street. | ||
| Mushrooms in religion. | ||
| Mushrooms in the church. | ||
| Wolves in the street. | ||
| That's my next fucking special right there. | ||
| Not a bad thought, but a lot of people are gonna die. | ||
| I think we peaked somewhere in the 90s. | ||
| I think that was enough technology. | ||
| Technology-wise? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, that was enough comfort. | ||
| Things were easy enough, you know? | ||
| We caught people, you know. | ||
| FaceTime? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Pfft. | |
| Yeah, but the internet is the most important thing that's ever happened to people. | ||
| Ancient Egypt started mail system. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| Ancient Egypt? | ||
| Wow. | ||
| 2400 BCE, when pharaohs used couriers to send out decrees throughout the territory of the state, the earliest surviving piece of mail is also Egyptian, which dates back to 255 BCE, recovered from the... | ||
| Boy, try saying that word. | ||
| I bet when they did invent streets... | ||
| Try saying that word. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Try saying that word. | |
| Ox-re-hein-chus? | ||
| Hein-cus? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ox-re-hein-chus? | |
| What do you think, Jamie? | ||
| I think the second one he said was probably the best. | ||
| If you click on it, does it tell you how to say it? | ||
| Ox-re-in-chus. | ||
| It might be some weird way of saying it, you know? | ||
| Is it like a Google for the word? | ||
| Okay, let's see if you can see how to say it. | ||
| How do you say it? | ||
| Does it tell you? | ||
| Oxyrhynchus? | ||
| Oxyrhynchus. | ||
| Oxyrhynchus. | ||
| It's Greek. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| Oxyrhynchus. | ||
| Yeah, taxes though, I think is the... | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| You think you could impress like a scholar type girl with that word? | ||
| Nope. | ||
| Hey, baby. | ||
| You don't want to impress... | ||
| Anybody that's impressed by big words, you don't want to impress them. | ||
| They're so stupid. | ||
| They're impressed by big words. | ||
| I have heard too that like the... | ||
| I guess like the most intelligent people, the most polite way of communication, the most intelligent way of communication is just making sure they understand what you're saying. | ||
| So if you say it in the simplest words, that's technically the more intelligent route, the more polite route. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Because you know sometimes people are fucking with you when they're using words that you know are not common words. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you have to go... | ||
| I always ask, what does that mean? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You gotta ask what that means if you don't know what it means. | ||
| Because some people pretend, oh yeah, I know what that means. | ||
| It's like the club shit. | ||
| They're showing off the Rolex, but they don't have a Rolex, they're showing off the big word. | ||
| You ever see Dennis Miller's act? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-mm. | |
| Dennis Miller was a killer back in the day. | ||
| Dennis Miller, part of his comedy that was very different from anybody else's comedy was really obscure references. | ||
| To, like, you know, ancient literature and fucking early rulers and, like, obscure... | ||
| Like, people were laughing. | ||
| They didn't even know what the fuck they were laughing at. | ||
| Like, it was like weird references. | ||
| Like, you had to be very fucking smart and well-read to know. | ||
| I don't even know if he knew him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You see what I'm saying? | |
| But that was part of the style. | ||
| I like that. | ||
| Like, he was a smooth, intelligent guy that was talking down to you. | ||
| That's pretty, I mean... | ||
| But it was funny. | ||
| It was funny material. | ||
| It was good shit. | ||
| If you got him, you gotta flex him sometimes, you know? | ||
| I guess, but it becomes a thing, right? | ||
| That's what you're doing. | ||
| And then that takes people out of, like, that it's never really you. | ||
| You're doing this thing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Yeah, I think I know. | ||
| Which is okay, too. | ||
| Like, it's all okay. | ||
| Like, Carrot Top's great. | ||
| Pull out props. | ||
| Is it funny? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Great. | ||
| It's great. | ||
| But it's very different. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Very different than Mitch Hedberg. | ||
| It's very different than Richard Pryor. | ||
| It's all great. | ||
| But everybody's got their own way that they want to do it. | ||
| And that's one of the cool things about comedy. | ||
| You can kind of give your friends advice. | ||
| You can say, hey, man, maybe you should slow your words down so people can understand you. | ||
| But everybody does it different. | ||
| Everybody does it different. | ||
| And you've got to find out how you do it. | ||
| It's got to somehow or another match your personality for real. | ||
| It's got to be the best way you can do it. | ||
| And for some people, it's a character. | ||
| Some people, they create a character and they go on stage with it. | ||
| And that's great, too. | ||
| It's like, what do they call it? | ||
| Finding your voice. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, Dice. | ||
| Dice became Dice. | ||
| Dice was Andrew Silverstein. | ||
| And his stand-up in the early days, he used to do a Travolta impression. | ||
| It was amazing. | ||
| He had an amazing Travolta impression. | ||
| He's an incredible impersonator. | ||
| He does amazing impressions. | ||
| But he just never does them. | ||
| And then he would do this character called the Dice Man. | ||
| And this character was the funniest part of his act. | ||
| It was so funny. | ||
| And that's when he'd do all those rhymes and shit, and this guy would be this fucking wild dude from Brooklyn. | ||
| And then he just became Dice. | ||
| I saw him perform live at Hyenas. | ||
| Oh, nice. | ||
| Yeah, it was fucking awesome. | ||
| Yeah, Dice is awesome. | ||
| I was a fan of Dice when I was 19 years old. | ||
| So for me to be friends with him now just trips me out all the time. | ||
| Whenever I'm around him, it trips me out. | ||
| I was 19 years old and I was parked in a car in front of my house with this girl I was dating. | ||
| And we were just listening to... | ||
| I had a cassette player in my car and we were listening to Dice. | ||
| And we're both howlin' laughing. | ||
| Just howlin' laughing. | ||
| Back then, like a lot of the comedy that I would listen to, I'd listen to with girls I was dating. | ||
| You know, it was a fun thing to do. | ||
| Like, hey, you wanna listen to some comedy? | ||
| And we'd sit down there. | ||
| And back then, there was no internet, man. | ||
| You had to put a fuckin' record on. | ||
| And you'd listen to an old Richard Pryor album. | ||
| And me listening to Dice with this girl. | ||
| I never even thought about doing comedy at that point. | ||
| That was just fun. | ||
| To me, it was just like, this is hilarious. | ||
| And so now I'm friends with him. | ||
| It's so weird. | ||
| It's a badass feeling though. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| I get a text message from Dice every now and again. | ||
| I'm like, Jesus Christ, that's Dice Clay. | ||
| Hell yeah. | ||
| It's wild. | ||
| I feel that. | ||
| Especially when you're young, like if you're 19 years old, you're a fan of someone, and then as a grown man, you're their friend. | ||
| It's odd. | ||
| I'm a big Mark Norman fan. | ||
| I love Mark Norman. | ||
| I always watch his clips. | ||
| He's a huge fan. | ||
| I got to open for a meeting. | ||
| He was super cool as fuck. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| He just hung out, whatever. | ||
| We got to do Burt's tour. | ||
| He helped me write a bit. | ||
| The shit was unreal. | ||
| I was like, holy shit. | ||
| I was just watching this dude, you know what I mean? | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| Now you're friends with him. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's cool. | ||
| Right now, I just remembered when we were watching that John Travolta stuff and he said he did an impression. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I heard this story. | ||
| I don't know if it's true or not. | ||
| But I heard that when John Travolta was blowing up, right? | ||
| Right after Saturday Night Fever. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I heard that Freddie Prince ran into his apartment with a crossbow or something. | ||
| You ever hear that? | ||
| Freddie Prince pulled a gun on somebody. | ||
| Or maybe it was a gun. | ||
| Maybe I just imagined it was a crossbow. | ||
| Actor Jimmy Walker says Freddie Prince once tried to kill John Travolta. | ||
| Oh, Jesus Christ. | ||
| Badass. | ||
| Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. | ||
| It was a crossbow. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. | ||
| You gotta pull the crossbow on people. | ||
| So he talked about it during the Comedy Store documentary series. | ||
| Walker claims that Prince called him one day and announced, we gotta kill John Travolta. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He says, I'm gonna kill this guy. | ||
| I'm the biggest star on TV. The Good Times star 73 recalled. | ||
| I said, well, a lot of people are on TV. I'm on TV. Walker said Prince shot back. | ||
| You're not bigger than me, man. | ||
| I'm the biggest guy. | ||
| I'm the best guy. | ||
| Everybody knows me. | ||
| I'm the funniest guy. | ||
| Oh my God, he was crazy. | ||
| Man, when I started going up at Hyena, some of the people that would work there would be like, you remind me of Freddie Prince. | ||
| So he fired three arrows into John Travolta's door. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| Oh my god, that's hilarious. | ||
| That's what John Travolta said when it was happening. | ||
| He said, oh my god. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| He shot himself when he was 22 years old, man. | ||
| Freddie Prinze? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Oh shit. | ||
| I didn't know that. | ||
| I knew it. | ||
| I was a kid back then, but my grandfather used to love that show Chico and the Man. | ||
| He was on there. | ||
| Yeah, that was his show. | ||
| That was the show that blew him up. | ||
| Bro, he blew up on television. | ||
| He was like 20 years old. | ||
| He was 20 years old and he had a sitcom. | ||
| You can find his clips on YouTube. | ||
| I love watching his. | ||
| He was a good comic. | ||
| How old was he when he did Chico and the Man? | ||
| My grandfather loved Sanford and Sons, Chico and the Man, and all in the family. | ||
| Freddie Prinze didn't look 22. He looked older. | ||
| I feel like back then people just looked older quicker. | ||
| They died when he was 22. That was his third season, so he would have started at 19. Holy shit, bro. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| People used to age faster, for sure. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| You ever seen that thing when they show pictures of Archie Bunker and Edith Bunker, and you find out how old they really were? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-mm. | |
| Yeah, he does not look like 22. That looks like a 35-year-old man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Now I feel like Anne Hathaway. | ||
| I don't know how old she is, but she looks 19. Yeah, some of those ladies are keeping it together now. | ||
| Yeah, even the guys. | ||
| I know there's all those conspiracies. | ||
| They're like the children's blood Illuminati. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I put checkerboard flooring on the floor of my special and people keep thinking like Freemason. | ||
| They got him. | ||
| I just like checkerboard flooring. | ||
| Bro, I went to a satanic wedding with Duncan Trussell. | ||
| Duncan Trussell, he has this character called Little Hobo. | ||
| And Little Hobo is a puppet and he brings Little Hobo out and he tells everybody that his grandfather just died and he left behind his puppet. | ||
| This is a satanic puppet. | ||
| It's one of the funniest bits I've ever seen in my life. | ||
| It's an amazing bit. | ||
| So he does this guy who is like Anton LaVey's grandson, I think? | ||
| They're satanists. | ||
| So they hired Duncan to do this routine at a satanic wedding. | ||
| I go to the satanic wedding and I take a picture with this dude. | ||
| And to this day, people think I'm a satanist now. | ||
| Because I was like, fuck yeah. | ||
| I was like, this is so ridiculous. | ||
| They're just silly people. | ||
| I mean, I don't know if they're doing like real satanic shit when we're not around. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But like, I was like, I expected it to be like, I wanted to just experience it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So we went, we got barbecued. | ||
| We were off the rails. | ||
| We were in another dimension. | ||
| We were looking at life through like a water covered shower door. | ||
| Like, it was like, everything was very strange. | ||
| And so, to me, watching Duncan do this little hobo routine in front of all these fucking Satanists, it was just wild. | ||
| But it was hilarious. | ||
| It was a fun time. | ||
| But they were just like, I don't know what their thing is. | ||
| Duncan says they're just hedonists. | ||
| They don't follow any rules. | ||
| And that's what they think of as Satanism. | ||
| But, you know, maybe they do some creepy shit. | ||
| I bet you even in the... | ||
| Religion of worshipping Satan, there's like different forms of it. | ||
| I'm sure. | ||
| I bet you even they're just like, you're not doing it, right? | ||
| This is how you do it. | ||
| Right. | ||
| There's probably like hardcore Satanists who really are out there murdering homeless folks. | ||
| And then there's other people that are like, you know, just like dressing up like devils and Yeah, I remember seeing some shit on TV one time where there's rules to it. | ||
| They're like, if you're Satan, there's their own Ten Commandments. | ||
| You're not supposed to kill animals unless it's necessary for food. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Yeah, like never harm children or women or some shit. | ||
| They have rules that even the devil's like, alright, bro, this is even too far. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| We'll find out when we get to hell. | ||
| Who was the guy that... | ||
| Stumbled upon that Satanist place in the middle of the woods. | ||
| Remember there's that one dude that we had on? | ||
| And there was this guy who used to work for NASA who was a real Satanist, like in the Church of Satan. | ||
| And this abandoned place where this guy used to do his research at, someone went to visit it. | ||
| Who was it? | ||
| But this guy, like... | ||
| Was it Python Cowboy? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| But what time frame is this that he works at NASA? Did he help us get to the moon? | ||
| 1960s. | ||
| 1950s or 1960s? | ||
| I think the 50s. | ||
| It was in the 90s. | ||
| Let's go back and find out. | ||
| I think it's crazy if this is one of the guys that helped us get to the moon. | ||
| But bro, this guy used to wear the outfits and everything. | ||
| There's photos of him at a real Satanist church. | ||
| Horns and some nerdy glasses. | ||
| He was like an open Satanist. | ||
| You could kind of be an open Satanist and still be a rock There was a lot of shit that they hadn't figured out by then. | ||
| Well, you know, the rocket scientists that we got, most of them came from Nazi Germany. | ||
| Oh shit, I didn't know that. | ||
| There's a thing called Operation Paperclip. | ||
| In Operation Paperclip, the United States acquired all of Germany's rocket scientists, including Wernher von Braun. | ||
| So who's this cat? | ||
| Jack Parsons. | ||
| Jack Parsons. | ||
| Says his father, John Parsons. | ||
| So go on that photo there. | ||
| That's him dressed up in all the Satanist shit. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| He looks like Iron Man's dad in the movies, in the Avengers movies. | ||
| This guy used to fucking dress up. | ||
| Click on that link because that's the story. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look at this guy. | |
| Imagine this guy's a rocketry pioneer. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| From rocketry pioneer to deviant occultist, Jack Parsons was the ultimate mad scientist. | ||
| So this motherfucker was like a real rocket scientist and also a Satanist. | ||
| That's nuts, man. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| How do you have all this knowledge? | ||
| Scroll back down again. | ||
| You're such an intelligent, smart person, and then you dress so goofy. | ||
| Me? | ||
| No, him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| This guy... | ||
| Well, he dresses normal unless he's doing the Satanist thing. | ||
| That's what I'm saying, though. | ||
| You know how to fucking... | ||
| You're a literal rocket scientist. | ||
| You know about rockets. | ||
| And then in your free time, you're like, let me put out this goofy-ass ghetto. | ||
| Yeah, so the 1930s, when the Suicide Squad began conducting their explosive experiments, rocket science belonged largely to the realm of science fiction. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| So this guy... | ||
| So they were thinking it was all horse shit. | ||
| It was mostly science fiction. | ||
| This guy was like a legit rocket scientist who's also a Satanist. | ||
| So this guy's place, this python cowboy dude went to this guy's place and he said there's like blood splatter on the walls. | ||
| There was like a chair that had like this red puddle underneath it. | ||
| He was like, it creeped him the fuck out and he ran out of there. | ||
| This is it. | ||
| That guy went to his place? | ||
| Well, he went to the space rocket facility and people were, he said there was all sorts of stuff on the walls. | ||
| Yeah, I said there's like, look, they got these people spray painted upside down crosses on the rocks and shit. | ||
| I know he had video footage of it, but he said it's really creepy. | ||
| So this is him when he, like, he's stumbling upon, like, they got Latin written on the walls, and it's weird. | ||
| So a lot of these places, I guess, these Satanists had come in and they're doing, like, their little rituals in this place, little psychos. | ||
| Earlier when I said that we went too far with technology, I'm starting to take it back. | ||
| Take it back. | ||
| Now I feel like, hey man, kill some time on Netflix and Instagram. | ||
| Don't go spray paint upside down crosses and stuff. | ||
| Yeah, don't be sacrificing people in the woods. | ||
| Go get Disney Plus or something. | ||
| Yeah, get Paramount Plus. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Go watch the new South Park one, the Pandaverse. | ||
| Hell yeah. | ||
| You don't have to... | ||
| But, you know, there's always been people that are, like, doing secret things on the fringe, you know? | ||
| There's always been people like that, that are doing, like, forbidden secret things in society. | ||
| Yeah, little penis people. | ||
| That has to be what it is, you know? | ||
| You gotta find something to, like, obsess about. | ||
| You gotta, like, distract people from your real issue sometimes. | ||
| I think there's also people that are in these elite circles of world leaders and shit like that. | ||
| I think they probably like to do the creepiest, most deranged shit secretly. | ||
| They have these little secret societies together. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| It's always been the case. | ||
| There's got to be some weird shit going on. | ||
| Too much time and money on your hands can lead to some, like, how do I achieve the next level of being elite? | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| There was this guy in, so like when I used to go work at my dad's body shop, we stopped at this gas station sometimes. | ||
| And that area was a lot of like, it's like a hood area that would neighbor like the mansion area. | ||
| So there's like a lot of rich folk around there too. | ||
| And sometimes, man, there'd be people doing weird shit. | ||
| There was a guy, this little memory still goes through my head. | ||
| Not like elite weird shit, but just weird. | ||
| Like there was a guy. | ||
| Who would hold, like, his paintings, like, from his house. | ||
| He had, like, really nice paintings. | ||
| Park. | ||
| He had, like, an old-school... | ||
| I don't remember what he drove. | ||
| It was fucking expensive. | ||
| I just remember this guy's, like, rich! | ||
| Let me just hold, like, these fucking paintings and just stand on the street like a homeless man. | ||
| And it's just fucking... | ||
| Just wanted everybody to see his painting? | ||
| Yeah, it's just nuts. | ||
| He's just fucking rich, crazy guy with way too much time on his hands. | ||
| And when I saw that, I was like, bro, like, once you reach a level of money, like... | ||
| You probably just do crazy shit just for the fuck out. | ||
| Just because you can, you know what I mean? | ||
| Especially if all you do is make money. | ||
| Like, that's what those dominatrix ladies always say. | ||
| Their clients are always these guys who are like these CEOs of mega corporations and they just want to get pissed on and yell that and slap. | ||
| It's a fucking nut! | ||
| Yeah, they want to get tied up and thrown in the corner. | ||
| Shut the fuck up! | ||
| And they come over and kick them in the balls. | ||
| They want that. | ||
| Bro, did you ever see that movie? | ||
| I mean, it's like they made the movie about the movie The Room. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That was like Tommy Wise. | ||
| What's his name? | ||
| I don't remember his name. | ||
| I was messing up. | ||
| But there's that scene in the movie that made fun of the movie where like Joe Rogan's character, like the director goes to the bank and he's like, I want to cash this check. | ||
| And they're like, all right, yeah. | ||
| And he's like, holy shit, it worked. | ||
| And the bank teller's telling him, he's just like, this guy's bank account. | ||
| It's like a bottomless pit. | ||
| That amount of money has to be kind of scary, though. | ||
| Because you either go make shitty movies with your money, then you don't know what the fuck you're doing, like that guy, which is funny. | ||
| Or you probably also do scary shit. | ||
| That's a scary amount of money to have. | ||
| I know people who struggle financially are probably like, oh man, if I could just have this money, if I could just have that money. | ||
| Yeah, life would be easier. | ||
| But if there's no challenge, if there's no maze to run through... | ||
| What are you really gonna do with that much free time? | ||
| I'll tell you what you're gonna do. | ||
| You're gonna get in a homemade submarine and die in the ocean. | ||
| You see what I'm saying? | ||
| Yeah, those dudes. | ||
| That's exactly what that was like. | ||
| That was $250,000 a ticket to get in that submarine. | ||
| And die. | ||
| Why? | ||
| And the submarine had no windows, right? | ||
| Well, it had like little small windows. | ||
| You're seeing things through a screen. | ||
| They call me old school, but I feel like if I spent $250,000 on the ticket, I want like a luxurious experience. | ||
| I want to see the fucking ocean not through a tiny little screen. | ||
| I want communication with the outside world. | ||
| I do want to get rich. | ||
| Don't get me wrong. | ||
| I do want to get rich because I feel like pretty soon... | ||
| What are you going to buy? | ||
| What kind of car are you going to get? | ||
| I mean, I'm not too worried about all that. | ||
| I really want to save money. | ||
| You like painting. | ||
| Don't you want a dope car? | ||
| I want to go to the moon. | ||
| Oh, you're one of those dudes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Elon Musk is probably going to offer rides soon, you know? | ||
| $250,000 a ticket. | ||
| I think you could already get into space for that amount of cheddar. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| Yeah, I think you can get into space for like $250,000. | ||
| I want to go to space. | ||
| Like the Blue Origin? | ||
| Don't they fly people into space? | ||
| Bro, you want to wait a few years. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| I definitely want them to get the kinks out. | ||
| Work out the glitches and shit. | ||
| You don't want to die in a fiery ball of hell. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Crashing into the ocean, burning alive. | ||
| Nah, yeah. | ||
| Blue Origin. | ||
| For suborbital flights, Blue Origin typically charges around $200,000 to $300,000 per person. | ||
| The cost includes a one-hour flight and a three-hour preparation program. | ||
| For those looking to go into orbit, Blue Origin's orbital launch services range from $50 million to To 100 million per person. | ||
| Yo! | ||
| That's a big difference. | ||
| That is a giant difference. | ||
| Suborbital, is that good? | ||
| You go up for, I think they send you up for about a minute or two, and then you just float back down. | ||
| How far do you go? | ||
| What's the height? | ||
| What's suborbital? | ||
| Suborbital means you're not going out, technically, of the range where you need to go. | ||
| You're going very, very high. | ||
| That's where they sent William Shatner to it. | ||
| Is that where they send the guy, remember the guy who sky dove from the outer layer? | ||
| Oh, that wild motherfucker. | ||
| For Red Bull or whatever? | ||
| Yeah, that's my friend. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| That's Andy Stump. | ||
| Man! | ||
| Yeah, he's a psychopath. | ||
| Was it Andy that did the... | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| No, that's a different guy. | ||
| Andy did, but Andy did something similar. | ||
| He was on a fucking plane. | ||
| There's suborbital right here. | ||
| Okay, this is suborbital. | ||
| So they're still floating? | ||
| So they're above Earth. | ||
| They get to look down. | ||
| They're weightless. | ||
| Look at William Shatner. | ||
| He's like, I'm too old for this shit. | ||
| But you don't get way up there where you're looking down on the ball. | ||
| I don't even think that's fun right there. | ||
| I feel like the Earth is so bright, you can't even see the stars and shit. | ||
| You definitely probably won't see a star there. | ||
| No, you don't see the stars. | ||
| That's not worth it. | ||
| I'm not doing that. | ||
| But I think to see the stars, you've got to go way the fuck up there. | ||
| I don't know that they're even seeing them in the spaceship. | ||
| You've got to go way the fuck up there. | ||
| I want to go into, like, the abyss. | ||
| You probably do when you're on the dark side, don't you think, Jamie? | ||
| Yeah, but no one's been there for a long time. | ||
| Right, but you go over there for a whiz, right? | ||
| It's real fast. | ||
| You're going like 17,000 miles an hour, right? | ||
| Isn't that the space station? | ||
| Yeah, I mean, we have to look into this. | ||
| I think the only star you could probably see is the sun. | ||
| Huh. | ||
| When you're on the other side? | ||
| The dark side? | ||
| This is changing my financial plans. | ||
| You gotta get a hundred million bucks, bro. | ||
| You gotta go way up. | ||
| I wonder how much it costs for them to send me to like a warm hole or a black hole. | ||
| Well, you don't want to do that. | ||
| Nah, nah, nah. | ||
| If I'm like... | ||
| Imagine you come back and you're in the Mongol days. | ||
| You're like, motherfucker. | ||
| What is the Mongol days? | ||
| Like when Genghis Khan ruled the Earth and killed 10% of the population. | ||
| That would suck. | ||
| It sucked to... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I'd hope not even to come back, though. | ||
| Just go somewhere else. | ||
| Maybe there's like another planet, another universe. | ||
| Another dimension. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| Remember when Bradley Cooper went through it, and then he came back, and Earth was, like, saved, but they're, like, living in these, like, cylinder fourth dimension things or something like that? | ||
| Is it Interstellar? | ||
| You see Interstellar? | ||
| Oh, that wasn't Bradley Cooper. | ||
| That was Matthew McConaughey, right? | ||
| Matthew McConaughey. | ||
| I always get the names mixed up. | ||
| I was confused. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Bradley Cooper will get his chance, too, but, yeah, Matthew McConaughey. | ||
| Yeah, that was a great movie. | ||
| Bro, even he got back in the ship and was like, nah, I'm out. | ||
| So, yeah. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| During spacewalks in Earth's shadow, astronauts can see stars once their eyes adjust to the darkness. | ||
| Holy shit! | ||
| Your eyes have to adjust to the darkness of space. | ||
| But that's spacewalks in Earth's shadow. | ||
| I don't think that's the same. | ||
| They don't go behind the moon, though. | ||
| Space station, a habitable artificial satellite in low-Earth orbit that serves the space environment. | ||
| That trip I've told you about a few times that Steve Aoki is supposed to go on. | ||
| It's supposed to be one of the first man trips back around the moon since Steve Aoki, don't die on the moon. | ||
| Bro, Steve Aoki. | ||
| I've said this to him before. | ||
| Let me say it again. | ||
| Don't do it, buddy. | ||
| That guy is fucking badass. | ||
| He's badass. | ||
| He's a cool dude, too. | ||
| You know a lot of cool people. | ||
| He's very cool. | ||
| On crew for first mission to the moon. | ||
| Steve, you want to be on the 100th mission. | ||
| But by the way, I think they did a hundred of those submarine dives before that one exploded. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| I think they did a bunch of them. | ||
| Damn. | ||
| It wasn't like they were the first people. | ||
| They probably go, oh, you got the kinks worked out. | ||
| I'll try this bitch out. | ||
| I've done it a hundred times. | ||
| What could go wrong? | ||
| Fucked up. | ||
| Even car accidents happen every day. | ||
| Well, if you send the same thing down there a hundred times, you also gotta think, like, how many times can it go before it caves in? | ||
| Have you guys pressure tested that motherfucker at 30,000 feet below the earth? | ||
| That is another fucking... | ||
| Or however deep you're going? | ||
| It's such a scary thing about the sea. | ||
| It's the fucking pressure. | ||
| If you come up too fast, you could, like, get sick, right? | ||
| You gotta get, like, incubated. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You can get fucked up. | ||
| Are there other things like that submarine ship available that we just don't know about? | ||
| I'm sure there are. | ||
| I'm sure that's not the only one, right? | ||
| I bet the Russians will take you down. | ||
| Remember that movie where the Russians, the Odessa files, is that what it's called? | ||
| Is that what it's called? | ||
| The documentary? | ||
| The Odessa, what was that called? | ||
| But there was a documentary where this dude, they offered to sell him a fucking submarine. | ||
| This drug dealer. | ||
| Operation Odessa. | ||
| He goes, do you want nukes too? | ||
| He's like, what? | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nukes. | |
| They offered to sell them nukes? | ||
| They offered to sell them nukes. | ||
| They offered to sell them a submarine. | ||
| That's true freedom, I guess, you know? | ||
| Well, I think if you got that drug dealer money. | ||
| Yeah, Operation Odessa. | ||
| Click on that. | ||
| Who made that documentary? | ||
| I should have sold drugs. | ||
| Tiller Russell, that's right. | ||
| Tiller Russell, who was a guest on the podcast and told us all about this. | ||
| This is a wild dude who's a real guy. | ||
| A Russian mobster in Miami sold a Soviet submarine to Colombian coke smugglers. | ||
| Nice. | ||
| Seven years ago, filmmaker Tiller Russell was preparing to meet the former Russian mobster at the center of Miami's craziest true crime... | ||
| True crime caper of the 90s, and he was hoping, or more like praying, a guard at the prison deep in a Panamanian jungle wouldn't screw him over. | ||
| Yeah, it's an amazing story. | ||
| The documentary is incredible, but it's all true. | ||
| Back then, after the collapse of the Soviet Union, they're like, what do you want? | ||
| You want to buy nuclear bombs? | ||
| We sell you nuclear bombs. | ||
| Hold on, I gotta write that down. | ||
| I gotta fucking check it out. | ||
| Yeah, it's a great documentary. | ||
| Submarine. | ||
| He did an amazing job with that film, too. | ||
| It's like, the way it puts it together, you're like, what? | ||
| But it's all real stories. | ||
| I think back then, like, you could buy shit. | ||
| You need a tank? | ||
| Talk to Victor. | ||
| Victor can get your tank. | ||
| That's what I like about- You want a big tank? | ||
| That's what I like about just being here in Texas. | ||
| I feel like most shit you could buy. | ||
| Most shit? | ||
| You could buy tigers out here. | ||
| Yeah, one of my uncles had a tiger, but he said it got really expensive to feed it. | ||
| Oh, I would imagine. | ||
| He was down in South Texas, also doing some less than legal business. | ||
| And he said he feeded like a lot of chickens. | ||
| Yeah, they eat chickens whole. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But that's like a snack for a tiger. | ||
| He was like, after a while, it got too fucking expensive to keep it. | ||
| How many chickens you gotta feed a tiger in a day? | ||
| I would imagine like five or six chickens. | ||
| Five or six. | ||
| Maybe, yeah. | ||
| At least. | ||
| They're huge. | ||
| How much room do you give the tiger to like live, you know? | ||
| Right. | ||
| That's gotta be fucked up. | ||
| Alright, now you make sure he doesn't get out. | ||
| I'm not like a PETA guy or nothing, but damn, come on, man. | ||
| Let the tiger like breathe. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You shouldn't do that. | ||
| You shouldn't have a tiger in a fence. | ||
| But also, a tiger in the wild is way more dangerous. | ||
| Like, that's a dangerous thing. | ||
| So just let them loose out there. | ||
| You ever see those people who, like, raise it from, like, when they're kittens, and then they just have it in their living room? | ||
| I'd never trust it. | ||
| I know this is, like, old school, old school way of thinking. | ||
| Don't get me wrong. | ||
| Like, I have a dog. | ||
| I love my dog. | ||
| I treat him right or whatever, you know? | ||
| But, like, Maybe it's just a little old school. | ||
| But an animal's a fucking animal. | ||
| It's a fucking animal. | ||
| I don't care how much you're like, no, he's so friendly and we're raising... | ||
| I'm like, bro, an animal's a fucking animal. | ||
| Siegfried and Roy. | ||
| Look at that, yeah. | ||
| They had that tiger forever. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then one day the tiger's like, I think I want to bite your neck. | ||
| There's like instinct. | ||
| I feel like biting your neck. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm tired of just getting fed scraps. | ||
| Yeah, bro. | ||
| I want to bite your fucking neck. | ||
| If I barely even trust my dog. | ||
| I mean, I trust my dog not in every situation. | ||
| Every now and then I look at him like, hey, hey, hey. | ||
| What kind of dog you got? | ||
| So I have two. | ||
| One is actually my dad's. | ||
| I think it's like those like fucking pit bull bullies or whatever. | ||
| Very good dog. | ||
| Very, very nice. | ||
| Very gentle, right? | ||
| But then I also have a Rottweiler that I left back at my grandma's. | ||
| I couldn't bring him. | ||
| And he's catchy. | ||
| And he's a good dog. | ||
| I did so much to train him, right? | ||
| I read up. | ||
| I asked people. | ||
| I can leave him in my room all day. | ||
| He won't bite a thing. | ||
| He won't piss. | ||
| He'll let me know. | ||
| I could walk him without a leash. | ||
| He'll stay by my side. | ||
| If he does get a little jumpy, runs after somebody, he'll come back. | ||
| You know? | ||
| But even him, one day, because I know maybe you might be like, oh, well, Rottweilers tend to have, like, bipolar to them or whatever. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, Rottweilers. | ||
| They're bipolar? | ||
| They can be, yeah. | ||
| They can be bipolar. | ||
| How do they find out? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I didn't look that deep into it. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Like, who's the Rottweiler psychologist who has to sit down with Rusty? | ||
| But even he tried to attack one of my sisters once. | ||
| Out of nowhere. | ||
| Oh, man. | ||
| And he's around my sister every day. | ||
| He's like a year old around this point. | ||
| He's around my sister every day. | ||
| And my dog doesn't bark. | ||
| He's never... | ||
| I've heard him bark twice. | ||
| But he didn't bark. | ||
| He growled for two seconds and then jumped. | ||
| And luckily I was already holding him. | ||
| He scratched her. | ||
| He didn't get to bite her or nothing. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You kept him? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But we just stopped letting him around like people. | ||
| Oh, Jesus. | ||
| Yeah, but I kept him. | ||
| That's a dangerous dog. | ||
| It is. | ||
| You know, Biden's dog bit 11 people? | ||
| Joe Biden's dog bit 11 people. | ||
| Secret Service guys. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Dude, I'd be like, fuck this job. | ||
| This fucking dog's biting people. | ||
| And this is like the second dog that he's had that bites people. | ||
| Joe Biden's dog bites me, I'm turning Republican. | ||
| Biden's dog commander involved in more White House biting incidents than previously reported. | ||
| This fucking dog. | ||
| Secret Services acknowledged 11 reported biting incidents involving its personnel. | ||
| Sources spoke with CNN said the real number is higher and includes executive resident staff and other White House workers. | ||
| Those bites have ranged in severity from one known bite requiring hospital treatment to some requiring attention from the White House medical unit. | ||
| To some, going unreported and untreated. | ||
| While the First Family works for solutions to the ongoing issue, CNN has learned Commander is not on the White House campus. | ||
| Yeah, there's a real fucking solution. | ||
| He's not even holding him right on the leash. | ||
| It's called bullets. | ||
| You've developed a dangerous animal that wants to bite people. | ||
| That's a fucked up dog, man. | ||
| Take that dog out. | ||
| That's a fucked up dog. | ||
| Somebody did something bad to that dog or that dog was ignored or not trained or something went really wrong. | ||
| That's a working dog. | ||
| When my dog scratched my sister, he was able to get a little clung. | ||
| After that shit, man, I did start to like... | ||
| Try to research, like, why the fuck do dogs just flip or what, you know, could there be another reason? | ||
| Apparently, like, dogs will remember a traumatizing moment for the rest of their lives. | ||
| Did your sister do something to the dog? | ||
| So now I'm wondering, right, like, if her or maybe another kid, maybe on accident, heard it one day when trying to pet her or something, they'll remember that shit. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| So if, like, if a cat scratched it once, they'll hate cats forever. | ||
| Or if, like, you know what I mean? | ||
| Yeah, dangerous dogs are fucking scary, man. | ||
| I have a golden retriever. | ||
| He ain't biting nobody. | ||
| He's a friendly dog. | ||
| He's the worst dog for, like, guard dog duty. | ||
| He loves everybody. | ||
| He's just a bundle of love. | ||
| That's a dog. | ||
| You don't have to worry about him around anything, except squirrels. | ||
| He'll fuck squirrels. | ||
| He's a demon to squirrels. | ||
| I fuck with cats sometimes. | ||
| I know a lot of people hate cats, but I'm not, like, a super attentive, loving person all the time, and I feel like dogs kind of need that or they get sad. | ||
| They definitely do. | ||
| And I don't have a cat, but... | ||
| If you're gonna go on the road, having a dog is rough. | ||
| Like, you know, if you're on the road all the time, that dog's gonna get ignored on the weekends. | ||
| Also, I don't like to be that guy who carries around a little dog. | ||
| I mean, respect to the people that do, but I'm not going to be that guy. | ||
| So bring a little dog with you on the road, like a little chihuahua? | ||
| No offense to the comics that do, but it's kind of girly. | ||
| Yeah, but if your dog likes it, like Peter Shore, the brother of Pauly Shore, he was always bringing his little dog to the comic store. | ||
| The dog's adorable. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I'm not going to do it. | ||
| But then when I do see not every comic... | ||
| I don't love everybody's dog. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| I like dogs. | ||
| I don't like everybody's dog. | ||
| But there are some comics that I see their dog, I'm like, alright, that's a cool dog. | ||
| And then there are other comics where they have their dog and I'm like, that's gay. | ||
| Ron White had a really cool French bulldog named Mustard. | ||
| Mustard got taken by a coyote. | ||
| Oh shit! | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's fucked up. | ||
| That's a cool ass name too, Mustard. | ||
| Yeah, coyotes are... | ||
| That's a weird little animal that lives alongside people. | ||
| Because it's really a little wolf. | ||
| It's a little wolf that lives alongside people and eats your pets. | ||
| Fucking coyotes. | ||
| They're creepers. | ||
| I hope the wolves got that coyote. | ||
| Well, that's why coyotes are so dangerous. | ||
| Not dangerous, but one of the interesting things about coyotes is coyotes evolved around wolves, and gray wolves kill coyotes. | ||
| They don't breed with them. | ||
| The eastern wolves, like red wolves, they breed with coyotes, and you get the coy wolf. | ||
| It's like a hybrid wolf-coyote. | ||
| Not in the west. | ||
| So the western wolves, they just killed coyotes. | ||
| So when coyotes would lose one of the members, the female coyotes would have more babies. | ||
| So when they would call out, If one of them was missing, it would send some sort of a biological process into the female coyotes, and they would have more pups. | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| And then they would spread out into new territory. | ||
| Where did you learn this? | ||
| Were you raised by wolves? | ||
| I had a man on the podcast named Dan Flores. | ||
| He wrote an amazing book called Coyote America that I read. | ||
| And it's all about the history of the coyote in North America. | ||
| It's in every city. | ||
| Coyotes are in every city in every state. | ||
| And they didn't used to be. | ||
| They used to be confined mostly to the West and the Southwest. | ||
| But because of human beings like moving in and killing coyotes and trying to force them out and then agriculture and all these different things, they just kept spreading out. | ||
| And now they're everywhere. | ||
| Damn. | ||
| Every city. | ||
| New York City has coyotes in it. | ||
| For real? | ||
| For real. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| Yeah, we'll show you some photos. | ||
| There's coyotes in Central Park, man. | ||
| I was watching that movie Collateral with Tom Cruise. | ||
| Great fucking movie. | ||
| And there's like a coyote that goes in the room. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I remember when I saw that, I was like, oh, I bet that'll happen in Cali because they got like hills and shit. | ||
| But man, now I'm like, that could happen anywhere. | ||
| Well, the first time I ever saw a coyote was in 94 when I first moved to L.A., And I was staying at this place in Burbank called the Oakwood Gardens. | ||
| It's a place where when you move to a new place, they rented out pre-furnished apartments. | ||
| So it already had a couch, already had a bed. | ||
| You bring in your clothes, you're good. | ||
| It's like a hotel, but you live in it. | ||
| It's an apartment. | ||
| And I was pulling up to the place in my rental car and I saw three little dogs. | ||
| I was like, what the fuck is that? | ||
| What are those things? | ||
| And as I got closer, I'm like, oh shit, those are coyotes. | ||
| In the middle of Burbank. | ||
| God damn. | ||
| Just hanging out in the street. | ||
| Yeah, that's one on the roof in New York City. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| How the fuck does it even get there? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| You ever see those videos of, like, bears swimming up on the shore in Florida? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| That's fucking crazy. | ||
| There are a lot of bears. | ||
| You're already trying to watch out for sharks, and I ain't got to watch out for bears, too? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Dude! | |
| This is too much! | ||
| Didn't some lady get killed recently by a bear in Florida? | ||
| I think some woman got killed by a black bear in Florida. | ||
| There are a lot of bears in Florida. | ||
| That's just too much. | ||
| I know. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| Florida's got everything, man. | ||
| They got alligators, pythons, iguanas, bears. | ||
| That's like getting killed by a bear at the Mall of America. | ||
| It wasn't supposed to happen there. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| How the fuck did it end up there? | ||
| Imagine a bear getting in the Mall of America and just running through people. | ||
| That's a big mall. | ||
| But that's Minneapolis, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Someone's gonna have a gun. | ||
| How many bullets do you think it'd take, though, to take down a gun? | ||
| From a 9mm? | ||
| Depends on what kind of bear. | ||
| If it's a grizzly bear, you're fucked. | ||
| You need something heavy. | ||
| You need a.45 or a.10. | ||
| And 9mm's not enough stopping power. | ||
| You really want, like, a.300 Win Mag. | ||
| You want a rifle. | ||
| You got a bear. | ||
| You want a large-caliber weapon to take that fucking thing out. | ||
| You do not want a bear wounded. | ||
| That's still running at you, and your bullets are going in a couple of inches, and it's just ready to fuck you up. | ||
| Do you walk around with a gun? | ||
| You don't have to answer that. | ||
| I wouldn't answer that. | ||
| But if I was around a lot of grizzly bears, I would definitely have a gun. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| Yeah, I know people that go in grizzly country, they don't bring a gun. | ||
| I'm like, what are you doing? | ||
| Do you want to die by the way of being eaten by a giant wild dog? | ||
| I think it's crazy that people, like, go to hikes in places where there's bears. | ||
| Like, I mean, I get it. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| You want to experience. | ||
| Well, I think if you live in a place like Montana or something like that, it's just a part of the world. | ||
| The world has grizzly bears in it. | ||
| You know, they just coexist with them. | ||
| You hope you don't run upon a mama and her cubs. | ||
| That's the scariest thing. | ||
| Scariest thing is accidentally stumbling upon a mama grizzly bear with her cubs. | ||
| You ever gone hunting? | ||
| Yeah, sure. | ||
| You like it? | ||
| I love hunting, yeah. | ||
| I've never gone hunting, but one time we were walking through this like fucking trail. | ||
| It wasn't even like a trail. | ||
| We were trying to get to like a river to go fishing. | ||
| And they were saying that there's like wild hogs out there that come at you. | ||
| And I kind of like that. | ||
| Like, I don't know if I'd want to, like, hunt, like, wait for the animal spotted or whatever. | ||
| I mean, I don't know how it goes. | ||
| But I kind of like the idea of, like, well, I'd have to fucking kill it if it came at me. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Then you'd have to eat it, too. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Start a campfire. | ||
| I'd die. | ||
| If I try to fucking eat an animal that I kill, I'm fucking up somewhere. | ||
| Because isn't there, like, a certain amount of time you have? | ||
| Like, you got to skin it and make sure this is clean and no cross-contamination. | ||
| I can't even cook at home, bro. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| It's not for everybody. | ||
| But the wild pig thing is a crazy way to get into hunting because you kind of have to kill those. | ||
| They breed so often. | ||
| They breed three times a year. | ||
| They start breeding when they're six months old. | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| Six months old, they start pumping out little piglets. | ||
| I'm not one to judge. | ||
| I know a lot of teenage parents. | ||
| Yeah, pigs are a scourge. | ||
| It's a crazy animal. | ||
| They're everywhere, too. | ||
| In Texas? | ||
| Shit. | ||
| There's so many of them here, they hunt them by helicopter. | ||
| There's like fucking... | ||
| They're not coyotes, but there's a lot of dogs, man, out there where I live out in the country. | ||
| And I had to get used to that when I first moved out there. | ||
| Wild dogs? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Or even like... | ||
| Just strays running around. | ||
| There's strays. | ||
| And the people that own dogs just kind of let them be out. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I had to get used to that because I was just living like in a regular fucking neighborhood. | ||
| And if I wanted to go jog sometimes or some shit, sometimes I'd just go out and run. | ||
| One night, I just started running. | ||
| And I started getting chased by dogs. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| There was a fucking dog just coming at me from... | ||
| Everybody out there has a pretty big piece of land. | ||
| It's like trailer homes and shit. | ||
| And I just saw it leave the porch and started coming at me. | ||
| But I was pretty far where I'm like, bro, if I just chop, if I just run as fast as I can, I don't think it's going to come that far, you know? | ||
| And then another dog started coming. | ||
| I was like, what the fuck? | ||
| So I just took off. | ||
| I took off. | ||
| And I finally got away, like, far, far. | ||
| And I had to call my sister to come pick me up. | ||
| I'm like, I can't even jog back. | ||
| Like, I can't run back, man. | ||
| The dog's probably waiting for you. | ||
| Like, that dude's gonna come back. | ||
| He's tired. | ||
| Yeah, I think they were waiting. | ||
| Fucking country-ass dogs. | ||
| Well, that's what happens to people with mountain lions, too. | ||
| The mountain lions see them running, and they're just like, where are you going, bitch? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's like their instincts kick in. | ||
| Their instincts kick in. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Even I see people running on and chasing them sometimes. | ||
| Wild dogs in Texas appear to carry DNA of wolf declared extinct. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| That's a Texas dog right there. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| There were, I didn't see what year, but there were previously red wolves and gray wolves in Texas that are supposedly extinct. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| And so there might be still wolves in Texas? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Is that what they think? | ||
| It said that what kind of dogs are in Texas? | ||
| There's coyotes and packs of neglected domestic dogs running around. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| I like how they say neglected. | ||
| I know they mean nobody's taking care of them, but it also just feels like maybe the dog wanted attention. | ||
| They've just been neglected. | ||
| However, Texas was once home to two wolf species, the gray wolf and the red wolf, but sadly they were hunted to extinction in the Lone Star State. | ||
| Sadly, if you're not a rancher. | ||
| If you're a rancher, it's like, good. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| I have a friend who lives in B.C., like, northern B.C., British Columbia, and they'll occasionally, a wolf will just, like, they'll have, like, a pack of wolves that, like, takes out a calf, and they'll hear it in the middle of the night, just horrible sounds of, like, wolves that are, like, ripping apart a cow, and then, you know, other people find out about it, and they have to deal with them, and I ran into a dude once at the airport, And I think I had like a camouflage jacket on or something like that. | ||
| And he goes, are you a hunter? | ||
| I didn't know what to say because he was like a regular dude. | ||
| I was like, I hope this isn't an argument. | ||
| I was like, yeah, I was up here moose hunting. | ||
| And he goes, we like to wolf hunt up here. | ||
| He goes, yeah, we got a real problem with wolves. | ||
| He just starts telling me about wolves. | ||
| And I go, what do you do? | ||
| He goes, well, we take like a garbage pail and we throw scraps of meat in there and then we freeze it. | ||
| And then we take it, and we'll put that in the middle of a field, and then we hide. | ||
| And if the wolves get desperate enough, they'll smell it, and they'll come to that frozen meat, and then you just take them out. | ||
| I was like, Jesus. | ||
| Damn. | ||
| I go, how many do you kill? | ||
| He goes, you can't even put a dent in the population. | ||
| Bro, imagine that's your life. | ||
| Imagine you have to make time during the week to go try to put a dent in this population. | ||
| Yeah, so you can't even put a dent in the population. | ||
| He goes, the smart ones never fall for it. | ||
| Because they've, like, been got before. | ||
| They saw one of their pack get killed before that way. | ||
| The fucking smart ones don't fall for it. | ||
| So wolves are smartening up to this shit, too? | ||
| Oh, they'll wait. | ||
| They'll wait. | ||
| And then they'll have the young ones that are stupid. | ||
| And the young, stupid ones will go in there and get shot. | ||
| The wolves are only going to get smarter. | ||
| They're only going to get smarter and... | ||
| Eventually these wolves are going to figure out how to fuck with your Instagram algorithm and give you bad wolf-killing techniques so you don't get killed by wolves. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, they're going to do Russian disinformation. | |
| Wolves are going to give up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| They're smart, man. | ||
| They're smart. | ||
| It's a creepy animal to bring back. | ||
| Because for the longest time, they were like a really terrifying thing that we had to deal with. | ||
| People in Europe, they had to deal with wolves, man. | ||
| I'm afraid of sharks. | ||
| I've never seen a shark. | ||
| I don't even want to like... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Maybe I'd go in that little cage where you can be around the sharks. | ||
| Fuck that, dude. | ||
| They go right through that cage. | ||
| They do? | ||
| Yeah, Jamie just sent me something. | ||
| Jamie just sent me one. | ||
| Pull it up, Jamie. | ||
| I'm intrigued by them, but I'm also scared as fuck, because you can't swim that fast. | ||
| You want to watch that from a boat with a shotgun in your hand? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Fuck you. | ||
| Fuck you, monster. | ||
| Fuck you, you fucking swimming disposal unit of all biological organisms. | ||
| I'll have fucking nightmares about sharks and alligators. | ||
| I'll have nightmares where you ever been in like where the water is kind of like up to your knee and you can't necessarily run too fast like it's like that uncomfortable and there's fucking gators just chasing me and I'm running through like the water. | ||
| I don't know what those really mean. | ||
| That means stay the fuck away from algae. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| Watch this. | ||
| Go full screen, Jamie. | ||
| Watch this shit. | ||
| This motherfucker just goes right through the cage. | ||
| So the shark swims into the cage and busts through the side of the cage and then comes out the top. | ||
| Watch this shit. | ||
| Is there a dude in that cage? | ||
| That's the part of why I thought- Oh shit! | ||
| You have to wait for the end. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Listen to the people. | ||
|
unidentified
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Was there anyone in there? | |
| Oh my god. | ||
| Yes, there was. | ||
| So is the guy dead? | ||
| No. | ||
| The guy got out? | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| I can't tell if he's bleeding on his side, though. | ||
| I tried to check a couple times. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| He seems fine, because they're not all reacting extra crazy and you don't see blood. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| And there's the dude. | ||
| He's still in there. | ||
|
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Holy shit, bro. | |
| That dude's staying calm too. | ||
| I feel like if I'm that guy and I saw my opening to get out, I would have flown out faster than the shark. | ||
| Just like a fucking fish out of water. | ||
| Holy shit, dude. | ||
| That guy's just calmly climbing out. | ||
| And he's dressed like a seal. | ||
| There's the shark. | ||
| It goes right in the side. | ||
| God, that's a big-ass shark. | ||
|
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Boom! | |
| It just goes right through the cage. | ||
| Someone flipped the top, thankfully, for them. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Look at him. | ||
| Yeah, the dude was on his toes. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| That's so scary. | ||
| And the shark does not want to be in there. | ||
| Oh, my God, dude. | ||
| Fuck that, Ralph. | ||
| Fuck that, right? | ||
| I still want to kind of go in one, but I just want to make sure I go around like some pussy-ass sharks, like some little ones, like... | ||
| I don't think they have any idea what kind of power those things have. | ||
| It went right through that bullshit cave. | ||
| That's like someone building a fence made out of popsicle sticks and telling you to stay out. | ||
| Did you see that guy that was swimming here? | ||
| Look at the size of that thing! | ||
| How big is that one? | ||
| That's the largest? | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| I think that's a girl. | ||
| Yeah, it is. | ||
| She got a little booty on her. | ||
| Ocean Ramsey. | ||
| She's a famous shark diver. | ||
| Oh shit. | ||
| On the Instagram. | ||
| This doesn't say how big it is. | ||
| It just says it's the largest. | ||
| It's big enough. | ||
| Jesus Christ, look at the size of it. | ||
| With record-breaking largest great white shark. | ||
| Look how small she is compared to that fucking shark. | ||
| That's so crazy. | ||
| That's crazy that she's just like holding the fin. | ||
| Oh my god, what are you doing? | ||
| I guess she knows what she's doing. | ||
| She's still alive. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| Look at the shark vag. | ||
| I'll show you the vag. | ||
| Look. | ||
| Get a close up. | ||
| Look at that thing. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Some people have like a calmness, man. | ||
| They can go around crazy animals and they don't make the animal nervous. | ||
| I don't have that. | ||
| I tried to ride a horse once when I was a kid. | ||
| Fucking horse started going crazy. | ||
| Everybody thought I was like devil possessed or something. | ||
| Why is the horse so... | ||
| Because you're probably nervous, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And the horse probably felt it. | ||
| Like, oh, this motherfucker's on me. | ||
| He's freaking me out. | ||
| I'm that guy that if you bring your fucking dog around, my dog's gonna bark or some shit. | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| I'm not, yeah. | ||
| Trust me, not my dog. | ||
| Alright. | ||
| My dog will run right up to you. | ||
| Hello, you're my new best friend! | ||
| That's a golden retriever, you said, right? | ||
| I've never been around a golden retriever. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| They're bundles of love. | ||
| Alright. | ||
| He loves everybody. | ||
| Everybody's just love. | ||
| He'll drop on his back, like, grab my belly! | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| He doesn't even know you. | ||
| He loves everybody. | ||
| Nah, I hang around people. | ||
| He'll change your opinion. | ||
| I need dogs. | ||
| Alright. | ||
| I hope so. | ||
| Yeah, because it's not like a Rottweiler. | ||
| It's the total opposite of a Rottweiler. | ||
| Everybody I hang around with just has like tough guy dogs. | ||
| Those dogs could be sketchy. | ||
| And then they'd be like, nah, he's fine. | ||
| Yeah, until he's not. | ||
| Yeah, fuck that. | ||
| Yeah, until he bites your sister, right? | ||
| Yeah, did you see what I'm saying? | ||
| Yeah, that's what I'm saying. | ||
| Fuck animals. | ||
| Yeah, fuck animals, right? | ||
| If there's anything we could say to end this podcast. | ||
| I love animals. | ||
| Some of them, you have to know what they are. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You can't pretend it's a fucking teddy bear. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I love animals. | ||
| I'm just not that person that's gonna be like fucking taking pictures with a snake at the fair. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Not me, bro. | ||
| Fuck that. | ||
| Not me. | ||
| One time the fair had this like a large alligator though. | ||
| I'll pay money to see that shit. | ||
| I was in Thailand once and they let you take photos with tigers. | ||
| But it's sad, because there's one way they treat you when you're with the baby tigers. | ||
| So if you're with the baby, like, you can get in this, like, pen where these little baby tigers are, and they're little tiny tigers. | ||
| But everybody's, like, there watching. | ||
| People are watching everything, making sure nothing gets crazy, guys have sticks and shit. | ||
| And then you get to, like, a little older tigers, and they're a little more sketched out. | ||
| Then they're, like, the people will block. | ||
| You can't take a picture sitting right next to the little tigers. | ||
| You know, the ones that are, like, 50, 60 pounds? | ||
| You can't do that. | ||
| And then they get older, and you can take pictures with them, because they're drugged up. | ||
| So there's this tiger that's on heroin, just sitting there like this. | ||
| And then people are taking selfies with this tiger. | ||
| But if you watch that tiger, the tiger is doped up. | ||
| 100% doped up. | ||
| That's why you can go in there and take pictures with them. | ||
| And I was like, oh, this is fucked up. | ||
| Like, this is sad. | ||
| That is pretty sad. | ||
| Yeah, it's not like that's a pet tiger that you can trust. | ||
| No, that tiger's like... | ||
| I'm sitting there just totally drugged up. | ||
| Those tigers are gonna get smart just like the wolves did one day. | ||
| One day they're gonna fake the high. | ||
| Or imagine if you cut the tiger off and they start jonesing. | ||
| Start having fucking withdrawals. | ||
| Fucking really crazy. | ||
| Tigers start sucking dick for drugs. | ||
|
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Whoa! | |
| Imagine a tiger sucking your dick. | ||
| Like, please be careful. | ||
| Please! | ||
| Please don't get a flashback. | ||
| All right, Ralph. | ||
| Let's wrap this bitch up. | ||
| We're going to do a show tonight. | ||
| Have a good time at the Mothership. | ||
| I'm excited. | ||
| You going to do Bottom of the Barrel, too? | ||
| Yeah, I'll do whatever, man. | ||
| I'm down. | ||
| Yeah, do Bottom of the Barrel, too. | ||
| It's fun. | ||
| Bottom of the Barrel is Brian Simpson's show. | ||
| So you have a whiskey barrel, and the audience will write suggestions for material topics. | ||
|
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Oh, yeah. | |
| I've seen that. | ||
| It's great. | ||
| It's real fun. | ||
| It's real fun. | ||
| Ralph, it was a pleasure. | ||
| Thank you, man. | ||
| Thank you for having me. | ||
| Appreciate you being here, man. | ||
| And congratulations on everything. | ||
| It's awesome to see you. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
|
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All right. |
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