All Episodes
March 17, 2023 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:56:31
Joe Rogan Experience #1957 - Shane Gillis
Participants
Main voices
j
joe rogan
01:41:44
s
shane gillis
58:49
Appearances
j
jamie vernon
03:24
Clips
g
geraldo rivera
00:37
| Copy link to current segment

Speaker Time Text
unidentified
Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out!
The Joe Rogan Experience.
Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day!
shane gillis
Hey, what's up, Jay?
joe rogan
What's going on, baby?
shane gillis
Nothing, dude.
joe rogan
It's been fun, huh?
shane gillis
That was crazy.
joe rogan
Yeah, last night was fucking awesome.
shane gillis
That was...
I got allergies, dude.
Do you hear my voice?
joe rogan
Is that what's going on?
shane gillis
It's very scratchy, yeah.
joe rogan
Is that the...
Yeah, there's a lot of like...
What is it?
Cedar?
Is this cedar time?
shane gillis
As soon as I got down here, I got crushed.
joe rogan
There's ragwood and cedar and...
Oh, ragweed?
Ragweed.
Ragweed and cedar and a bunch of shit going on in this town.
unidentified
Oh.
joe rogan
I'm lucky I don't get it.
shane gillis
Really?
joe rogan
Yeah, I don't get allergies.
shane gillis
I get fucking destroyed, dude.
joe rogan
My family gets it, though.
shane gillis
I had to wear, during COVID, I got like a lake house, like right when it was starting.
It was, you know, it was March, April.
So it was crazy.
I had to wear fucking ski goggles when we were out on the boat.
unidentified
Dude, I was getting shitfaced wearing full ski.
shane gillis
I looked fucking crazy.
joe rogan
Just because the pollen and shit was fucking your eyes?
shane gillis
My eyes were...
I was like, is this a side effect of COVID? Oh, no.
So, you know, it was the very beginning.
joe rogan
Oh, wow.
shane gillis
And that was back when every symptom was COVID. So I Googled it.
I was like, is pink eye COVID? They're like, you know, we sampled 10 fucking Chinese guys.
Yes.
joe rogan
I was like, fuck.
shane gillis
I'm dying.
We were, like, scared to go to the grocery store.
joe rogan
Really?
shane gillis
Yeah, it was the very beginning.
So I was in Key West when it started, so I was like, fuck it, I'll just get Airbnbs and work my way back up to New York.
Really?
Yeah, it was awesome.
joe rogan
So you were working in Key West?
shane gillis
Yeah.
joe rogan
Were you doing that little club?
shane gillis
Yeah.
joe rogan
I heard that club's great.
shane gillis
Perfect.
joe rogan
Yeah?
shane gillis
Yeah, it's a little room, and it's Key West.
joe rogan
What are those people like down there?
Those are like checked out, flip-flop wearing.
shane gillis
Wild, drunk ladies.
Like you say, dick.
They're like, yeah!
Try to do one smart joke.
They're like, what?
What'd you just say?
joe rogan
They're not here to think.
shane gillis
They don't understand the nuance.
joe rogan
They're going to drink margaritas.
shane gillis
Look at the George Washington bit.
I'm like, slavery?
They're like...
Yeah!
Oh no.
joe rogan
That would be hell.
Would be hell would be stuck around people that you could never have a smart conversation with.
That would be hell.
shane gillis
Yeah.
joe rogan
You know, there's some people, like, you know, like, those people, you start a conversation, you go, oh, this is, like, level two forever.
shane gillis
Yeah.
joe rogan
We're at level two forever.
We're never getting to level ten.
shane gillis
I hate when someone makes a point that you're like, yeah.
You know what I mean?
Like, when someone, yeah, they're like, here's what I've been thinking lately.
joe rogan
Oh, no.
shane gillis
And it's like, dude, yeah, I thought of that in eighth grade.
unidentified
What are you talking about?
Maybe God's not real.
shane gillis
I confronted that in sixth grade.
joe rogan
The reality of people in their brains is just like the reality of people in their eyesight, and people in their hearing, and people in their height, and people in their nose length.
It fucking varies wildly.
shane gillis
Speaking of nose length, did I show you my 23andMe?
That fucked me up last night.
We were at dinner, and I was like, dude, look at my 23andMe results.
He was like, yeah, you showed me yesterday.
You're really proud of that.
It's fucking weird.
I was just like...
It is weird.
joe rogan
It's just 100% Irish.
shane gillis
Yeah, it was...
joe rogan
Fitzsimmons has that too.
shane gillis
He's 100%?
joe rogan
100%.
He's all in.
shane gillis
I couldn't believe it.
joe rogan
Yeah.
If I look at you, it looks pretty...
shane gillis
No, it's obvious.
joe rogan
Yeah.
shane gillis
It's a potato face.
joe rogan
It's a lot.
shane gillis
Got rid of the mustache, dude.
joe rogan
Now you can see I don't have lips.
I'm interested.
What was the choice behind that?
shane gillis
I don't know.
It was gross.
joe rogan
Really?
shane gillis
My chin hairs were fucking disgusting.
joe rogan
Really?
shane gillis
Yeah, like long pubic...
joe rogan
Was it getting scraggly?
shane gillis
Yeah.
joe rogan
Do you wish you had the moustache still though?
It feels like you're kind of halfway growing it back.
shane gillis
If I go Jeff's moustache, it's...
It's a cop.
unidentified
It's rough looking.
joe rogan
You're a cop.
unidentified
Yeah.
shane gillis
Because I got the jowls.
joe rogan
You're a corrupt cop.
shane gillis
Yeah.
joe rogan
With like child porn on your computer.
unidentified
Whoa.
shane gillis
Yeah.
joe rogan
If a guy...
shane gillis
Snake porn.
unidentified
That look.
joe rogan
Snake porn.
He showed me a fucking guy yesterday that's having sex with a snake.
I'm like, what?
shane gillis
Shout out to my friend Billy.
joe rogan
And then he shows it to all of us while we're eating dinner.
shane gillis
And the waiter kept walking by.
joe rogan
Yeah, he did that on purpose.
Yeah, that was like a bit.
unidentified
100%.
joe rogan
Because it's like, he like lingered, and then when the phone came back out, then he came back in.
It was the busboy.
shane gillis
Which is a pretty funny rumor for him to have about you.
joe rogan
What, that my friend wants to watch people fuck snakes?
shane gillis
I waited on Joe Rogan.
joe rogan
Yeah.
shane gillis
He's watching snake porn and eating snakes.
joe rogan
Yeah, he's gonna blame me.
shane gillis
Yeah, definitely.
joe rogan
He's gonna blame me for you.
shane gillis
Yeah, you're into snake porn.
joe rogan
He had this giant dude that's 100% Irish just watching guys fuck snakes.
shane gillis
Some guy with no lips.
Just kept showing him fucking snake porn.
joe rogan
Guy looks like he should have a mustache, but he doesn't.
shane gillis
Yeah, as soon as I got done shaving, I was like, fuck.
joe rogan
That snake thing is wild.
shane gillis
Yeah, it was a tough one.
joe rogan
The guy was actually fucking, not like mouth-fucking a snake, but fucking the snake vagina or whatever they have.
shane gillis
It was horrendous.
joe rogan
Oh.
shane gillis
I probably shouldn't even be talking about it.
joe rogan
I had no idea that that could even be done.
shane gillis
The guy's out there testing limits.
joe rogan
Yeah.
It didn't seem like the snake was trying to get away.
shane gillis
I don't think...
Yeah, probably not.
joe rogan
It's a pretty big snake.
I feel like the snake could have got him if it wanted to.
shane gillis
The snake was down there, too.
It's head was also...
joe rogan
Yeah, whatever.
shane gillis
Goddamn.
joe rogan
The snake was kind of getting into it.
shane gillis
Yeah, it's bad.
joe rogan
But we were talking about it.
It was like, how illegal is that?
Like, it's not like child porn illegal.
shane gillis
No.
joe rogan
But it's got its bestiality, which is...
I don't think...
shane gillis
It is illegal.
joe rogan
Is it illegal federally?
shane gillis
Is it illegal to show your friends?
joe rogan
I don't know.
I mean, is it illegal everywhere?
Like, what are the rules for, like, fucking snakes?
shane gillis
I mean, fucking snakes.
joe rogan
I mean, who cares?
shane gillis
Who cares?
joe rogan
Chop their heads off.
No one gives a shit.
unidentified
Yeah.
joe rogan
Like, if you find a snake outside, you can just chop its head off.
shane gillis
Yeah.
joe rogan
Nobody gets mad.
But if you kill a raccoon, people get pissed at you.
shane gillis
Yeah, but if you fuck a...
unidentified
Yeah.
shane gillis
Any...
jamie vernon
Well, since the 50s, it says that's been illegal.
joe rogan
To fuck snakes?
unidentified
Any...
joe rogan
Specifically?
jamie vernon
Any animal.
joe rogan
Any animal?
jamie vernon
Unnatural carnal copulation.
joe rogan
Interesting.
That's a good law.
Un-natural.
Carnal copulation.
shane gillis
That's a good law.
unidentified
Mmm.
shane gillis
It's a funny way to dance around and just be like, what are you fucking snakes?
unidentified
It's illegal in four states?
jamie vernon
No, legal.
joe rogan
Oh, what states?
Well, it used to be legal in Washington state.
jamie vernon
Hawaii, Wyoming.
Hawaii?
Mexico, West Virginia.
unidentified
Hawaii, Wyoming, New Mexico, and West Virginia.
joe rogan
It used to be Washington state up until that documentary, Zoo.
Do you know about that documentary?
shane gillis
No.
joe rogan
There was a guy...
shane gillis
I'm new to the bestiality game.
joe rogan
There's a guy named...
They called him Mr. Hands.
shane gillis
Oh, yes.
joe rogan
Yeah.
shane gillis
Mr. Hands got fucked to death by a horse.
joe rogan
So they made a documentary about it called Zoo.
And that documentary is pretty interesting.
And it got very popular.
This was like...
I want to say this is around the early 2000s, right?
shane gillis
Yeah.
joe rogan
Yeah.
And if you haven't seen it, you could just go Google Mr. Hand's horse.
You'll find it somewhere.
unidentified
Good lord.
joe rogan
You'll find it somewhere.
shane gillis
It's a tough one to watch, dude.
joe rogan
It's tough.
shane gillis
When it gets in there?
joe rogan
You're like, how?
You're like, how?
Like, where is it going?
shane gillis
Also, where did you think?
What did you think was going to happen?
joe rogan
Well, he'd been fucked multiple times by that horse.
shane gillis
Oh, him and a horse.
joe rogan
That apparently, the video, was not the one that killed him.
It was another one that killed him.
That video was a successful...
shane gillis
That was a success.
joe rogan
Yeah.
shane gillis
They got done.
joe rogan
Yeah, they got a gun.
The horse just jizzes immediately, too.
shane gillis
Good God.
joe rogan
Alright.
The best part is the guy who guides the horse dick into his butt.
The guy goes, too much?
unidentified
When the guy makes the noise, he's like, too much?
joe rogan
What the fuck do you think?
Is he a magician?
Like, how is he making that dick disappear in his body?
There's not enough room in his body.
Oh, yeah, perforated his colon and just ruptured his innards and bled out from the inside.
And then once they brought him to the hospital, the cops are like, hey, what the fuck's going on?
unidentified
I go, you know, stuff like playing around.
shane gillis
I don't know.
Yeah, that's a tough one.
joe rogan
It's a tough one.
shane gillis
It's a tough way to go.
joe rogan
Yeah, but also, like, there was hundreds of hours of footage.
shane gillis
It's pretty sad.
Thinking of, like, his mother, you know, she gave birth holding that.
joe rogan
Yes.
shane gillis
Just being like, someday this guy's gonna...
He's going to die from getting fucked by a horse.
joe rogan
I bet she didn't think that.
shane gillis
No one saw this coming.
joe rogan
Someday he's going to be the president.
shane gillis
Yeah, this guy's going to be the president.
joe rogan
Instead he's getting fucked by a horse.
I think he was a software engineer or something.
jamie vernon
He worked for Boeing.
shane gillis
He worked for Boeing?
joe rogan
Yeah.
So he was a very smart guy who just had a strange kink.
Hmm, kinks are fucking weird.
shane gillis
Yeah, I don't have any.
joe rogan
I'm so lucky.
shane gillis
Yeah.
joe rogan
Can you imagine?
If you just, like, wanted to wear women's shoes and get fucked in the butt?
Like, that's just your thing.
shane gillis
But you're straight.
unidentified
I'm straight, but he's got this thing, you know?
shane gillis
Yeah, thank God I don't know.
joe rogan
Thank God.
shane gillis
Unless I probably do, I just don't, I'm not even trying.
joe rogan
Well, they say a lot of them, they're imprinted on your early adolescence.
shane gillis
Yeah.
joe rogan
Like, as your body is becoming sexual.
shane gillis
Nothing weird happened to me.
joe rogan
Luckily.
shane gillis
Thank God.
joe rogan
I dodged two molestation attempts.
shane gillis
Really?
joe rogan
Yeah, two.
shane gillis
What'd you dodge?
joe rogan
Well, I dodged one of them when I was...
I probably was like seven or eight years old.
That was the scare...
Well, they were both pretty scary.
But that was the scarier one, because I was at the library.
And I was by myself.
You know, I was a latch kid.
My parents just let me out of the house.
Which...
You know, at the time was kind of normal.
In retrospect, like thinking about it now, I couldn't imagine letting my seven-year-old just fucking wander around.
Not just that, but walk to the public library, you know, in San Francisco.
And this guy, I was looking at, you know, I was always into like horror movies and monster movies and shit.
And so I was reading these books in this, they had a section of like, you know, monster books.
And this guy came up to me.
And he goes, do you like monster books?
I go, yeah.
And he goes, oh, I have some monster books in my car.
You want to see them?
No.
Okay.
Like, I didn't know any better.
I was just fucking eight years old or whatever it was.
And as I'm leaving with this guy, the librarian starts screaming, Joseph, you get away from that man.
You know, like, that man just got out of jail!
And she yells at him to get out of there, and the guy runs away, and I just started crying, and I was like, whoa!
So I dodged that bullet.
And then another time, When I was 13. When I was 13, we were hanging around this lake in Jamaica Plain.
It was this like...
Jamaica Pond was this place we would go and fish.
And there was another pond that was like this neighboring pond that was like slightly smaller.
And this guy was always like running around the lake.
He was jogging.
And me and my friend Josh would be hanging out.
This guy would come over and talk to us.
You know, he seemed like a super normal guy.
He used to be a teacher, and he had retired.
He probably was like in his 60s.
And one day, it's just me.
shane gillis
He went for it.
joe rogan
One day, it's just me.
And I'm fishing, and he comes by, and he's drunk.
shane gillis
Damn.
unidentified
And he tells me he loves me.
joe rogan
And I'm like...
I'm like super confused.
shane gillis
How old were you?
joe rogan
Thirteen.
shane gillis
Okay.
joe rogan
And I had been talking to this guy on and off.
I had seen him, you know, for months.
shane gillis
Yeah.
joe rogan
Like you'd come by, say hi.
It was always like casual, very good-humored, very friendly, but he was like setting us up.
And he comes by and then I realized after, he tells me he loves me, but there can be no love without sex.
That's what he says.
And I'm like, what?
And I had a knife.
So I remember, like, I grabbed my knife in my pocket, and I had my hand on my knife, and I was like, oh my god, I'm gonna have to stab this guy.
unidentified
Damn.
joe rogan
Yeah.
I was like, this is gonna...
Because there was no one around.
There was no one around.
unidentified
Wow.
joe rogan
It was just trees and forest.
shane gillis
You were like, I'm about to stab.
joe rogan
Oh, I was gonna cut this guy.
shane gillis
I would have trusted the guy.
I would have been like, yeah, you're right.
joe rogan
You're smarter than me.
shane gillis
Well, I'll see you later.
I don't know what you...
joe rogan
It was dangerous.
shane gillis
We had a guy go for us.
It was a guy that used to linger.
Hilarious, dude.
He was mentally challenged, but he would always hang out around my high school, and he would go to all the basketball games.
One day, we had a tape recorder for the National Anthem to play at the beginning of games.
They would just hold a mic next to a tape recorder.
It broke, so the mentally handicapped guy stood up and started singing.
And the whole fucking gym was like...
Everybody just listened to the guy sing the National Anthem.
joe rogan
Oh my god.
Did he get all the words right?
shane gillis
I don't remember.
I doubt it.
unidentified
I doubt it.
shane gillis
I think he was freestyling a little.
But no, he would try to get you.
He would go to games.
But he was like a...
Again, it wasn't that long ago.
It was long enough that people were like, yeah, he's weird.
That old thing.
Yeah, there's a town pedophile, but he's a weird guy.
So he would be like, you guys want to play football?
And we were little kids at the high school football game playing touch football.
And he was like, you guys want to come out to my car?
I have Nerf balls.
And we were all like, no, dude, stop trying to fuck us.
We knew what he was doing.
He was like, alright, see you guys.
joe rogan
Did he get away with it with anybody?
shane gillis
Probably.
joe rogan
If you get the mentally handicapped guy tricks you into getting into his car...
shane gillis
Nerve balls.
I got nerve balls out of my car.
joe rogan
That's how he gets you?
shane gillis
And we're just fully like...
joe rogan
Nobody would ever take your advice again.
shane gillis
You're like, bro.
You got raped by that fucking idiot.
joe rogan
That fucking guy got you.
shane gillis
You got raped by an idiot, dude.
Yeah, but just...
Even in fifth, sixth grade, we were like...
No, dude.
I'm trying to rape us.
joe rogan
Every neighborhood has a guy.
shane gillis
Yeah.
I didn't even realize the other guy.
We had two guys.
The other guy, he had a tricycle with his name on a license plate, like a fake license plate on the front of his tricycle.
It was a sick tricycle.
But he would come around, and he would speak gibberish, but every once in a while he would get kind of sexual.
Like, he would come over and just be like, do you like pancakes?
We're like, yeah, dude, we love pancakes.
And he's like, do you ever put syrup on your pancakes?
Like, yeah.
He's like, you ever put syrup down your pants?
You ever rub syrup all over your...
unidentified
Dude, stop, stop.
shane gillis
They just keep tricycling, dude.
joe rogan
Jesus Christ.
shane gillis
I don't know if they ever actually got anyone.
joe rogan
Sometimes it just doesn't work and they just keep swinging.
shane gillis
Just keep swinging.
unidentified
Forever.
shane gillis
Fuck it, dude.
joe rogan
They're fucking...
shane gillis
There's always like it was on it was always on to catch predator They were always catch like a mentally handicapped guy.
There's always a part of me like Yeah, come on Well, obviously you gotta get him but everyone was off on that show.
unidentified
Yeah, did you think you could do that show today?
jamie vernon
He's doing it again.
Really?
shane gillis
We might have talked about this before but I love when they get fucking Indian dudes.
joe rogan
Why Indian dudes?
shane gillis
Because they they're just like yeah They're from India.
You know what I mean?
joe rogan
Oh, and in India you're allowed to do that?
shane gillis
Are you aware there's a 13-year-old girl who's like, yeah.
Get the fuck out of here.
Like, I'm trying to fuck this kid.
joe rogan
Really?
shane gillis
Yeah, they get foreigners all the time that are just like, I didn't know...
That you guys have laws?
Yeah.
joe rogan
Really?
So what are the laws in India?
shane gillis
I don't want to besmirch India, but...
joe rogan
Too late.
shane gillis
Probably.
I think if you're from rural India, you can fuck...
Whoever's out there.
joe rogan
Really?
Well, I mean, you think...
shane gillis
Jamie, help!
joe rogan
Help!
There's parts of the United States where the age of consent was very low up until recently.
shane gillis
Yeah.
joe rogan
Like, isn't it still, like, 16 in some states?
shane gillis
I'm sure.
I'm sure, like, especially states that are very religious.
joe rogan
How the fuck is that not, like, a federal thing?
shane gillis
Yeah.
joe rogan
You know?
shane gillis
Yeah, the religious states, I think.
Where it's like you get married when you're 13. I don't know.
Mormons?
What's Utah doing?
joe rogan
There was one where if someone had sex, the age of consent for boy and girl was different than boy-boy.
And the reason for that is that's where the Catholic Church had moved a bunch of its priests.
shane gillis
Damn.
joe rogan
Yeah.
I mean, I read that story.
I want to say it's New Mexico.
I want to say it was New Mexico.
I think they fixed that.
I might have just spread a bunch of misinformation.
unidentified
Fuck it.
shane gillis
If that's true.
jamie vernon
I was reading the India thing first.
shane gillis
What's going on?
joe rogan
Let's go with India first, and then we'll go with the...
shane gillis
Yeah.
We're covering all the bases earlier.
jamie vernon
I don't know the answer to this.
I'm just giving you what I found.
joe rogan
Why is consensual teen sex a crime in India?
Oh, for teens to have sex with each other, though.
jamie vernon
Okay.
Well, they changed the law a decade ago to make it tougher on cases of child sexual abuse.
joe rogan
Okay, so it criminalizes all sexual activity by children under 18. Interesting.
Many adolescent boys in consenting relationships are finding themselves on the wrong side of the law.
Interesting.
shane gillis
That's a bummer.
joe rogan
Interesting.
shane gillis
That's why those guys are so fucking horny.
You ever see them online?
joe rogan
Are they?
shane gillis
Yeah, don't fire it up.
unidentified
Indian guys?
shane gillis
Indian dudes will hit you in the comments.
Show Bobs.
Show Vagina.
Need Bobs.
joe rogan
Show Bobs?
shane gillis
I love you.
Show by Bobs.
Yeah, Bobs.
joe rogan
What?
shane gillis
They misspell boobs.
They say, Show Bobs.
unidentified
Queen.
shane gillis
Marry me.
Show Bobs.
joe rogan
Really?
shane gillis
Yeah, every hot chick's picture is followed by a thousand Indian dudes.
joe rogan
There's a billion people in India, but they don't have the same problem that China has.
Like, China has that weird problem where there's way more guys than there are girls.
That's crazy.
They fucked up.
The fact that they didn't see the math on that, that one-child policy...
shane gillis
I think they'd be pretty good at that.
The math.
joe rogan
I would think...
Isn't that, like, a thing?
I don't know.
shane gillis
I don't know anything about that.
unidentified
I think that...
joe rogan
It's like, how the fuck did they not see where that was gonna be a disaster in the future?
Like, there's a whole generation of guys that have no girls.
It's like, what are you gonna do?
shane gillis
There's no girls.
They're gonna get aggressive.
joe rogan
What the fuck are they gonna do?
unidentified
Damn.
joe rogan
Yeah, not good.
shane gillis
Whack off the cartoons.
joe rogan
Because, like, even in this country where it's 50-50, basically, do you know that, like, 64% of men are single?
And only 34% of women are single?
Like, how?
How's that?
How does that even work?
shane gillis
Wait, 64% of men are single?
joe rogan
Yeah, see if we can find the numbers, but I think it's men of a certain age.
shane gillis
Oh, you know what it is though?
It's just men fucking chicks that are like, we're not dating.
And women are like, no, we're in a relationship.
You know how it is.
joe rogan
I think it's a little of that.
shane gillis
You're a fucking girl and she's like, what are we?
joe rogan
Yeah, right.
shane gillis
What have you been telling people we are?
What the fuck are you talking about?
We're nothing.
unidentified
We're nothing.
shane gillis
Can't I just use you, please?
joe rogan
Can't we just use each other?
shane gillis
Yeah.
joe rogan
Like the Bill Wither song?
shane gillis
Unfortunately, I'm not a guy that, yeah, they want to date me.
I'm not a guy that like, oh, I just want to fuck that guy.
joe rogan
You don't get used?
shane gillis
I'm not like a hot guy.
joe rogan
You wish you were used?
shane gillis
I don't know.
Do you?
joe rogan
Occasionally, back in the day, that was the best thing.
shane gillis
Getting used?
joe rogan
Yeah!
If you had a gal that just wanted to fuck...
shane gillis
It's pretty neat.
joe rogan
Oh my god.
Especially if you weren't into anything else.
Because sometimes, like...
The reality is sometimes you're attracted to someone that you're not compatible with.
unidentified
Yeah.
joe rogan
But they're hot.
unidentified
Yeah.
joe rogan
So you're attracted to them sexually.
shane gillis
Yeah.
joe rogan
But the problem is usually that one person is into the other person more than, you know, there's like psychological elements to it that become a problem.
shane gillis
Certainly.
joe rogan
Yeah, and if the guy is the one using the girl, he's a piece of shit.
But if the girl is the one using the guy...
unidentified
She's a boss.
joe rogan
Yeah, great.
Way to go.
shane gillis
Yeah, she's a boss.
We did flip that.
joe rogan
Adults between 18 and 29 who say they're single.
Yeah, this is it.
So that's 51% of men in 2019. What?
jamie vernon
Sorry.
joe rogan
51% of men in 2019. And by the time it got to 2022, it's 63%.
So the pandemic kicked it up 12%.
But the women stayed the same.
And just slightly more.
More who say they're single.
So 34% versus 32% for women.
But the men went up 12 fucking percent.
But I think what they're saying is these women during the pandemic started dating older guys.
So when the jobs went away and everything went south, they shacked up with some dudes with money.
shane gillis
Alright.
joe rogan
Probably.
shane gillis
That's fair.
joe rogan
I mean, wouldn't that make sense?
Like, look at 18 to 29 for men.
63% are single.
That's pretty wild, but age 65 plus?
shane gillis
18 to 29?
joe rogan
Yeah, and you look at 65 plus, 25% are single.
50 to 64, 28% are single.
30 to 49, 25% are single.
So that's what it is.
It's the 18 to 29 guys.
shane gillis
20 at 65 plus, there's more women because all the men are dead.
unidentified
Whoa.
Yeah.
shane gillis
40% are single because dudes are croaking.
joe rogan
Yeah, look.
As soon as it hits 50, the women start to move forward.
shane gillis
Yeah.
joe rogan
Because dudes start dropping dead of heart attacks, working 90 hours a week.
And just coming home and just hating their life.
unidentified
Yeah.
shane gillis
It's gotta feel good, though.
joe rogan
What, to die?
shane gillis
When you're like, oh, here it is.
unidentified
Oh, fuck, this hurts.
shane gillis
It hurts way more than I thought.
joe rogan
That's a wrap.
shane gillis
Yeah.
Call it a day.
joe rogan
I don't know, man.
It's the whole fucking finding the compatible person thing.
Jesus Christ.
I can't imagine it.
unidentified
No.
shane gillis
Especially now.
joe rogan
Especially today.
shane gillis
Social media, that hurts, dude.
You can look it up.
Start talking to a girl, you scroll back, you're like, God damn, she's got a lot of boyfriends in these, you know?
Girls have options.
joe rogan
They have so many options.
shane gillis
Yeah.
joe rogan
A hot girl who's online.
Like, if you are going back and forth with a hot girl, if you're a young guy now, if you're a 30-year-old guy now, And there's another girl, and she's 30 also.
And you go to her Instagram, she goes, wow, she's really pretty.
284,000 followers.
shane gillis
I'm out.
It's over.
joe rogan
Oh, Jesus Christ.
And then you look in the likes and the comments.
shane gillis
It's a Drake.
joe rogan
It's all fire and hearts.
shane gillis
Goddammit.
Drake liked it?
joe rogan
Yeah.
Jesus Christ.
shane gillis
Yeah, it's over.
joe rogan
It's all rappers in there and athletes.
shane gillis
Black people.
joe rogan
Fucking rock stars.
shane gillis
Everybody's just slinging dick.
joe rogan
Everybody's just slinging dick.
shane gillis
Yeah.
joe rogan
Yeah.
shane gillis
It's a tough time.
joe rogan
It is a tough time.
shane gillis
They'll be alright.
You don't think they're gonna be alright?
joe rogan
No, it's gonna lead people to have sex with robots.
That's coming.
shane gillis
It's going to be tight.
joe rogan
Yeah.
I think you're going to go over a dude's house and he's going to have a robot lead.
shane gillis
He's going to leave it out.
You're going to go, oh.
My buddy left his fleshlight in the shower when we lived together.
joe rogan
Nice.
shane gillis
That was tough.
And I was like, dude, clean that up.
And he came out with it dripping on the floor.
joe rogan
No, he didn't.
shane gillis
He was like, what, this?
I was like, dude.
joe rogan
After he washed it or after he did it?
shane gillis
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It was water dripping, but still.
joe rogan
You know, that was our first sponsor.
shane gillis
Juice water.
Flashlights?
joe rogan
Yeah.
shane gillis
You ever used one?
joe rogan
Oh yeah!
That was our sponsor.
unidentified
It's too powerful, dude.
joe rogan
They're pretty good.
shane gillis
It's too powerful.
I had to throw mine out.
joe rogan
You don't want that in your life.
shane gillis
In a dumpster.
joe rogan
You don't want that in your life.
shane gillis
I couldn't put it in our trash.
unidentified
It's too good.
shane gillis
I knew I'd fish it out.
joe rogan
If you can't get laid though, it's as close to the physical feeling of a warm vagina touching your dick.
shane gillis
I think it's better.
joe rogan
Some guys would like soak them in hot water.
shane gillis
Yeah.
joe rogan
They'd warm them up.
shane gillis
Warm them up.
Fired up, dude.
joe rogan
Get it to like 95 degrees.
Feels like human contact.
unidentified
Yeah.
shane gillis
Especially when I had mine.
I was in a rough spot.
joe rogan
Were you?
shane gillis
In my life, yeah.
I was in West Philly.
I was in a...
The room I had in my apartment was like...
It jutted out of the back of the apartment.
So it was freezing cold.
It was the coldest room.
I had a mattress on the floor.
It was like a homeless person's room.
Well, I guess that's not...
You know what I mean.
Like a crackhead.
joe rogan
It's pretty close to a homeless person.
shane gillis
And I was fucking a fleshlight in there.
unidentified
Wow.
shane gillis
It was a low point.
joe rogan
Yeah, but look at you now.
10 million views on YouTube.
shane gillis
That's the only difference.
unidentified
Successful podcast.
shane gillis
Just more YouTube views.
joe rogan
Killing it on the road.
Come on, man.
That's the beauty of it.
You want to get one?
shane gillis
For the road?
For the road would be nice.
joe rogan
Get one of those ones that looks like a beer can.
shane gillis
Oh, they're making them fun?
joe rogan
Yeah, they make them like beer.
shane gillis
Oh, you mean to disguise it?
joe rogan
Yeah.
We had a bunch of them because they were our first sponsor.
shane gillis
Yeah.
joe rogan
That's how we started on it.
Do you know that?
shane gillis
No.
You got that flashlight, Monty?
unidentified
No.
joe rogan
On It was started with Aubrey, who was the CEO of the Fleshlight, and me.
Maybe he wasn't a CEO of the Fleshlight.
Maybe he was a marketing director or something.
So it's like his family owned the company, the Fleshlight company.
So he reached out and said, do you guys want to have a sponsor on your podcast?
We didn't have any sponsors.
The podcast in the beginning, the idea that this is a big business is so hilarious.
Because in the beginning, it was just so ridiculous how it was run.
We just fucked around.
We just would go online and fuck around.
But as it started to grow...
He was the first guy that said, hey, you guys should have a sponsor.
So he had a meeting with us, and he told us about the flashlight.
I'm like, that's hilarious.
Hell yeah.
shane gillis
Did you get a free sample?
joe rogan
Oh, we got boxes of them.
shane gillis
Have you still got those boxes?
joe rogan
So those are the ones that look like a craft beer or something.
shane gillis
A Doyle's is a butthole?
joe rogan
Well, I think you can get whatever you want, neither can.
shane gillis
That's wild, dude.
joe rogan
So that was our first sponsor.
And then Aubrey and I started talking about doing other stuff.
And he said, like, if you were into supplements, what are you into?
And I told him that I got really into nootropics because of this product called Neuro One that Bill Romanowski came up with, the football player.
shane gillis
Yeah, I know Bill Romanowski.
joe rogan
Yeah, his issues were with memory after all those fucking concussions.
unidentified
Yeah.
shane gillis
Spitting in dude's faces.
joe rogan
He was wild.
unidentified
He's an animal, man.
shane gillis
He was wild.
joe rogan
Those guys are animal.
I had Derek Wolf on.
shane gillis
I saw that.
joe rogan
Did you see what he's talking about?
When he walked into the arena, what he wanted to do to everyone that he saw?
shane gillis
No.
joe rogan
I didn't get to that.
unidentified
He goes, I want to fucking murder all of you.
joe rogan
Just smash you and kill you.
He's walking through the crowd thinking that he just really wants to run into the crowd and start smashing people.
shane gillis
He's a monster.
I love what you're saying.
joe rogan
I mean, he didn't do anything.
He's a nice guy, but those Viking instincts run deep, son.
shane gillis
There's a dude who plays for the Bills.
I was hanging out with a bunch of those guys.
I did a show in Buffalo, and then we went out.
And his name's Spencer Brown.
He's a right tackle.
I was on Mushrooms.
I went, did I tell you this?
unidentified
No.
shane gillis
Dude, this was like the greatest night of my life.
All right, hold on.
This is the best night I've ever had.
So I did a show in Buffalo.
Then the next night, it was Sunday.
On Sunday, we went to the game.
Oh, I told you this.
When Gabe Davis gave me his jersey, I looked like a Down syndrome guy.
But that night, we went out to...
Fucking Dave and Buster's.
I took a ton of mushroom.
Way more than I thought I took.
I was fucked up.
But then, it's like all the cool black dudes on the team were like hanging out, being cool.
And then it was just me and like a white O-lineman.
Spencer Brown is like 6'9".
And I was just so high.
I was like, dude, this is a Viking.
This is an actual Viking.
unidentified
Yeah.
shane gillis
Thank God we live today.
unidentified
Thank God.
shane gillis
Where I'm watching him play fucking...
Video games and arcade games.
joe rogan
You gotta give people like that some kind of distraction.
shane gillis
If that guy got into a town, it'd just be over.
joe rogan
That's what it was, man.
shane gillis
It's over.
joe rogan
If you look at those guys in Iceland, you know, all those strongman dudes that come from Iceland, where do you think that comes from?
shane gillis
Freaks, dude.
joe rogan
Those are the freaks that were dominating the world back when people just had axes.
shane gillis
A boat of those guys.
joe rogan
Dude, until people figured out guns...
shane gillis
Thank God.
joe rogan
Thank God they figured out guns.
shane gillis
Just a boat of those dudes.
joe rogan
Can you imagine how rough the world would be?
shane gillis
Yeah, Spencer Brown.
joe rogan
6'8", 3'11".
What the fuck?
unidentified
I was watching him play, like, touch video games.
joe rogan
It's ridiculous.
shane gillis
All mushrooms watching a 6'8", dude, play...
joe rogan
Dude.
shane gillis
Yeah.
joe rogan
That gene line of those strong men, of those guys like Derek Wolf, like Thor, the Game of Thrones guy, the mountain from Game of Thrones, that's a gene line of the people who conquered the world with axes.
Yeah.
That's what that is.
It's so nuts that that wasn't that long ago.
shane gillis
Yeah.
joe rogan
That's what's really crazy, right?
Like at any point in time in the world, in any one moment, things can break out that are real similar to the way life was during the Viking days.
It just doesn't happen very often.
You know, it breaks off less and less and less over time.
But it's still there in us.
And if it wasn't for football and the UFC and pro boxing and like all those sports are like It's like a bridge to civility.
It's like a bridge to a peaceful civilization.
shane gillis
Yeah.
joe rogan
Especially martial arts.
Like a bridge to a peaceful civilization.
Because you allow these people that have this fucking thing inside them to express themselves in a legal way, and they're rewarded for it hugely.
shane gillis
Yeah.
And you get to scream.
joe rogan
You're like, yeah!
Fuck yeah!
Fucking kill him!
Yeah.
I mean, you think of some of the shit that like Hamzat Chemayev says after his fights.
I fucking killed him all!
I killed him all!
unidentified
I don't work well!
joe rogan
I killed him all!
unidentified
Like, bro, when you're interviewing him, it's a wild ride.
shane gillis
Yeah, we were talking about that last night at dinner.
I was like, dude, what's your favorite interviews?
joe rogan
Yeah, I think Derrick Lewis is always going to be my favorite just because it was so fucking hilarious.
Dude just took his shorts off.
He's the coolest, man.
He's the coolest.
shane gillis
The other one though, not the balls are hot, the fucking him beating the Russian up and being like, I talked to Donald Trump last night.
joe rogan
Oh yeah, that was the other one.
shane gillis
So I got to take care of this fucking Russian for you.
unidentified
Ah!
joe rogan
Back in the day, Chael Sonnen was the best guy to interview.
It's in my algorithm.
He would put on a show.
shane gillis
I get Chael Sonnen clips constantly.
joe rogan
He's a smart dude, man.
And back in the day, he was the first guy to really figure out pro wrestling style promotion with legit fight skills.
I mean, he almost beat Anderson Silva.
He almost won that fight.
If he didn't get caught in that triangle in the last round, he would have won that fight.
And it was a grueling fucking fight, and he just kept taking Anderson down.
He beat the shit out of Nate Marquardt when Nate Marquardt was in his prime.
Like, he was a real fighter.
He just was not Jon Jones.
There's like levels even to savages, which is so crazy.
Chael is like a little smaller, too.
He really shouldn't have been fighting the guys that were in that John Jones range 205. John's cutting to get to 205. Chael's fighting at 185. Like, sketchy.
Like, at Anderson and him, they fought at 185. John is big, dude.
He's big.
Big and long and strong as fuck.
That's too big.
Remember when John and him fought?
It was a mauling.
It was a horrific mauling.
shane gillis
He fought tail sonic?
joe rogan
Yeah, John beat him up so bad that he broke his own toe pushing off the ground, smashing him.
shane gillis
Pretty sure that's how he broke his toe.
joe rogan
He broke his toe for sure in that fight.
shane gillis
There was that crossover in the UFC where dudes started being an athlete.
Not saying Chael Sonnen wasn't an athlete, but you know what I mean?
There was that switchover phase.
joe rogan
There definitely is a switchover phase, but I think with Chael, I really would attribute it more to he's being around during the greatest of the greats at 85. Anderson Silva in his prime was one of the greatest of the greats.
Anderson Silva, he gets left out of the GOAT competition because after the Chris Weidman fight where he broke his leg, he had a bunch of fights where he didn't perform like the Anderson of old.
So I think people forgot how good he was when he was in his prime.
shane gillis
Who is in the GOAT conversation?
Obviously Jon Jones.
joe rogan
Jon Jones is number one now.
shane gillis
Is Khabib?
joe rogan
Yeah.
Yeah, he's in there.
He's undefeated, barely lost a round in his entire career.
He had one controversial fight.
With Glace and Tebow back in the day, but I think it was a fair decision, but he dominated everybody at the top.
Dominated everybody.
And he did it with fucking just a ruthless intensity, fantastic wrestling.
Usman was.
Yeah, up until the Leon Edwards fight, I was telling everybody, I think Usman's the greatest welterweight of all time.
If you look at what he's done and who he did it to, the way he knocked out Jorge Masvidal, he started out as a wrestler.
He started out as a wrestler, and all of a sudden he's flatlining people on the feet, and you're flatlining a skilled striker in Masvidal.
Masvidal, he's a slick guy on the feet.
shane gillis
Yeah.
That was a tough one, too.
He was all sweaty, that fucking mist off that punch when he hit him.
joe rogan
Yeah.
I mean, when you think about the way Masvidal knocked out Ben Askren, Masvidal knocked out Darren Till, like, Masvidal's a scary guy.
shane gillis
I wish that didn't happen with Askren.
That was a rough one.
I wish Ben got a chance to wrestle.
joe rogan
That was a rough one.
shane gillis
Yeah.
joe rogan
That was a rough one.
But that's how smart he is.
He knew Ben and his instincts were going to be there.
You ever see the video of him training that very move?
shane gillis
Yes.
That's a bummer.
That's a bummer.
When you look online and be like, fuck, you knew he was going to do that?
joe rogan
Bro, his knockout of Darren Till was brutal.
Fucking brutal.
He's knocked out a lot of really good guys, man.
So when Usman destroyed him, I'm like, wow.
He might have felt the highest level of competition because he beats Tyron Woodley, who was one of the best welterweights ever.
He destroys Tyron, right?
Runs right through him.
He's dominant fashion, wins a five-round decision.
There's no question at all he's the new champion.
Then he beats Colby Covington, who is about as good as it gets in that division other than Usman.
Colby's a fucking animal.
Unbelievable cardio, tough as fuck.
And even though Kamara broke his jaw, he was still there in the last round.
He was upset when they stopped it.
Did he break his jaw?
shane gillis
I think he did.
joe rogan
I want to be sure of that, though.
He definitely fucked his...
He fucked his mouth up.
He dropped him, and he hit him with some really good shots.
But Kobe was saying, even at the end, like, hey, I could have made it through that.
Which is like...
shane gillis
Kobe's fucking cool, man.
joe rogan
That's how tough that dude is.
He's undeniably tough.
So Kamaru beats him, and he beats him twice.
And he hurt him pretty fucking bad in the second fight.
And Kobe got through.
So you gotta like...
How good Colby is.
And if Camaro's beating him like that, and then Camaro was beating Leon Edwards, for the most part.
Yeah, there it is.
He dropped him.
You gotta remember, he stopped Gilbert Burns.
You know, Gilbert Burns is a fucking animal.
You saw the Gilbert Burns-Hamza Chimaez fight, you know?
So Kamaru stopped him.
I feel like you look at the caliber of the opponents that he's faced as a champion and how he's beaten them.
I kind of put him up into the Leon Edwards fight.
I kind of put him up there with everybody.
shane gillis
God, that Leon kick, though.
joe rogan
He might have been the best welterweight ever, but that Leon kick, man, that changed the world.
And then this weekend they're fighting again, which is so crazy, dude.
shane gillis
Yeah.
joe rogan
That fight's so intense.
shane gillis
Where are they fighting?
joe rogan
In England.
shane gillis
Oh, Leon.
joe rogan
That's going to be awesome, man.
Leon's own talent, son.
Yeah, he can sleep at his own bed and defend the world title in England.
shane gillis
I... Well, I don't want to make any predictions.
I'm 0 for 1. What do you think?
I said Cyril gone, Jon Jones.
I was like, I think Cyril's going to win this thing, dude.
Ten seconds in, I was like, whoops.
joe rogan
That wasn't a good bet.
Here it is, man.
One of the craziest...
unidentified
Look how beautiful that kick is, too.
Look at that.
joe rogan
Bro, just the sound of that.
Shin to chin.
Play that sound again.
The sound of shin to chin.
unidentified
But that is not the cloth from which he is cut.
I mean that is a dejected...
shane gillis
Oh! No!
unidentified
Oh!
Oh!
There it is!
Bro.
Oh my gosh!
joe rogan
Hello! Bro.
shane gillis
I don't think he knew that was coming.
I don't think Leon knew that was coming.
joe rogan
He set it up.
What are you talking about?
shane gillis
No, I mean, the whole time I saw the...
unidentified
But I think when he landed it, he was like, oh, shit.
joe rogan
Well, it was perfect.
And it was because he ducked to his right.
I saw him set it up a couple times.
Yeah.
shane gillis
There's a video of his trainer.
He's like, come on!
joe rogan
Come on, Leon!
It's like a Rocky movie!
shane gillis
You gotta pull it out of the fire, Leon!
joe rogan
It's literally like a Rocky movie.
Have you ever seen it where they put the Rocky music behind it?
He's screaming at him, and then Leon goes up there and lands that kick.
shane gillis
Yeah, I think he's in trouble.
unidentified
Come on, we're gonna pull back one now, it's one one.
Come on, come on Leon.
Come on, don't make him bully you, Leon.
Don't let him bully you son.
shane gillis
It's so nice dude.
Right here, this is where he's...
unidentified
Yeah.
One more drink.
Listen, stop feeling sorry for your f***ing shot.
joe rogan
Well, come on, then.
What's wrong with you?
unidentified
You're too f***ing down.
joe rogan
You've got to pull the f*** out of the fire.
unidentified
Stay short.
Come on, Leon, man.
You got it, man.
Come on.
You got me.
Sharp shoots on the cusses.
Yeah.
Come on, Leon.
Come on.
Let's go.
You had him.
Can you do it again?
joe rogan
That's great.
Come on, f***ing hand him.
unidentified
This weekend's gonna be wild.
joe rogan
Kamaru Usman seems very intense.
shane gillis
Yeah, no shit.
joe rogan
I'm watching all the UFC shows that they do.
You know, they do all the boxing stuff.
It's like, fuck, man.
shane gillis
He's intense.
He's gonna want this.
joe rogan
Yeah, he's intense.
This is gonna be a wild one.
I think this is gonna be a wild one.
I think Kamaru is gonna be very aggressive.
I think, in his eyes, he won 24 minutes of that fight.
shane gillis
He did?
joe rogan
Not really.
shane gillis
Oh, really?
joe rogan
No, he got taken down the first round and he got mounted.
And he got his back taken.
Leon was the first guy to ever take him down.
Really?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
shane gillis
I remember that.
joe rogan
Leon took him down.
Yeah, yeah.
Leon took him down in the first round.
shane gillis
Because I was cheering for Leon and I remember being, even while with the bias of cheering for him, I was like, fuck, there's no chance he wins this.
joe rogan
Well, when they first fought, Leon was not really much into grappling.
He was like an expert striker.
And Kamara was such a good wrestler.
He just kept taking him down.
He beat him by decision.
But in this fight, it definitely showed a big leap in Leon's grappling ability.
So Leon got him with a trip here.
Look at this.
shane gillis
Oh, wow.
joe rogan
And got on top of him.
Full mount.
shane gillis
Round one?
joe rogan
Yeah.
shane gillis
Round one.
joe rogan
And if you watch that, Kamaru has a bad knee.
He has bad knees, period.
But if you watch that, the way he goes down.
shane gillis
Yeah, it looked bad.
joe rogan
Watch the way he goes down.
It's very bad.
Watch his right knee.
Oh.
Yeah.
Not good at all.
Not good.
Like that, the pressure that's on that thing as he's going down, like from there, like watch it, from there.
Look at that right there.
I mean that is a lot of pressure on that knee.
The way his foot is planted, a lot of pressure.
Do you see that John from that Chael Sonnen fight, he always has to tape his toes?
Because his toe broke and flipped around.
It was his toe, the bottom of his toe was facing upward.
And we didn't realize it until I was talking to him.
We're in the octagon, and I'm interviewing him after he beat Chael Sonnen, and he looked down.
He's like, oh my god, my toe.
And then we looked, and we're like, oh, okay.
So John's toe.
shane gillis
Yo, dude!
joe rogan
So that was just from him.
That's the strength of him pushing off while he's smashing.
Just smashing.
It was a brutal fight, man.
unidentified
Oh, fuck.
joe rogan
It was a brutal fight.
I mean, John beat the ever-loving shit out of Chael Sonnen in this fight.
It was absolutely brutal.
I know, isn't that nasty?
shane gillis
That's worse than the snake.
joe rogan
So now, to this day, he has to tape his toes up.
There was actually a controversy at the last fight.
shane gillis
Now, foot stomp him.
joe rogan
Well, I think when you rip it and flip it over like that, I don't know what they would have to do to get it to be stable again.
I think it's probably a little...
shane gillis
Yeah.
joe rogan
It's a little weak.
Because it's such a catastrophic injury.
If your toe flip all the way around like that.
shane gillis
I was going to ask you who he's going to kill next, but it's Stipe.
joe rogan
Yeah.
Stipe and him are going to fight.
That's going to be a different fight.
shane gillis
But I remember...
joe rogan
Stipe has way better wrestling than Serial Gon.
Stipe's got a shit ton of experience.
shane gillis
I remember thinking Stipe was going to die when he fought Ngannou the first time.
When he beat Ngannou.
joe rogan
Yeah, that was pretty wild.
I mean, that showed how durable he is.
shane gillis
He just survived that.
joe rogan
Yeah.
That showed how durable he is.
But there's other fights that show, like, you can't sleep on Stipe's stand-up skills.
Like, Stipe's a very good boxer.
Very good striker.
Remember when he fought DC and he kept ripping him with that left hook to the body?
shane gillis
Yeah.
joe rogan
Like, he hit him with a couple of those, and then DC was fucked.
shane gillis
That was one of those where I was watching it.
It's like when you're playing a video game and you don't know how to block.
He just keeps throwing it.
joe rogan
He can't stop it.
Well, he just did it very skillfully, man.
I'm telling you.
He would show you the jab and then dig under.
And he did it multiple times.
That's the side of the liver.
When you get hit on the liver, dude, it is a horrible feeling.
Your whole body, it's like you get electrically shocked.
It's like...
Yeah, look at that over and over again.
I just kept digging to his body.
So the thing is, it's like, Stipe is not Cyril Gaon.
Stipe is the most successful UFC heavyweight champion ever.
He defended the title more than anybody.
shane gillis
Yeah.
joe rogan
Yeah, I know that Francis knocked him out in his last fight, so people just will dismiss.
They'll say, oh, maybe he's washed up, or maybe these guys are better, or maybe, but that fucking guy's been counted out from the beginning.
I mean, he fought Fabricio Verdum in Brazil and flatlined him.
That was when Fabricio was the fucking man.
But Fabricio like chased after Stipe and Stipe just cracked him with the right hand and dropped him.
It's like an amazing- you ever see that fight?
shane gillis
No.
joe rogan
Watch this.
Stipe Miocic knocking out Fabricio Verdum.
So Fabricio- this is like in Brazil.
I'm pretty sure it was in Brazil.
But it was when Fabricio was the heavyweight champion.
So Fabricio had submitted Cain Velasquez.
He became the UFC heavyweight champion.
shane gillis
I gotta show you some football highlights.
joe rogan
Okay.
shane gillis
I'll get you some.
unidentified
Okay.
shane gillis
Alright.
joe rogan
So watch this.
Watch this fight.
Fabrice over Doom just got real aggressive and started coming after him.
Boom!
Watch this.
shane gillis
What is he doing?
joe rogan
Bro, how good is that?
shane gillis
Why was he doing that?
joe rogan
Because he thought he could get to him.
He thought he could get to him.
And also, he got stung there.
shane gillis
Oh, he thought he was hurt.
joe rogan
He's just being very aggressive.
Do you know how beautiful that is?
Do you know how skillful that is?
Like, just watch that one more time.
Just the slide back and then the punch.
That's so hard to do, man.
Watch this.
Boom!
While he's moving away in full throttle, he uncorks a perfect right hand.
That motherfucker is an athlete.
Look at that.
So you can't sleep on that dude.
shane gillis
Yeah, but he looks like a guy who's drunk at the beach.
joe rogan
Well, he's probably drunk at the beach sometimes.
shane gillis
He's got the shorts, he's got that back tattoo.
joe rogan
Guy's a fucking animal.
Underrated.
Hugely underrated.
And also, one of the things I'm interested in is it seems like he put on some weight.
He put on some mass, which I think will probably be a good thing with these bigger heavyweights.
You know, I think he tried to have more endurance and come in lighter for Francis and try to tire Francis out.
But in the second Francis fight, Francis fought like this very patient style.
unidentified
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
joe rogan
Which is so dangerous.
shane gillis
Well, he gassed on the first one, though.
joe rogan
Yeah.
Well, the first one, he just tried to knock him out.
unidentified
Yeah.
joe rogan
And the second one, he took his time, which was terrifying.
unidentified
Yeah.
joe rogan
You know, because all those shots that land, everyone that lands, like your power bar is just like...
shane gillis
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And Ghanu's another one, dude.
Can you imagine that guy?
Getting wild on you.
joe rogan
You're Jesus.
shane gillis
Running through a town.
joe rogan
I'm so bummed that he left the UFC. I mean, I want that dude to make all the money.
I want him to make all the money.
Go make all that money in boxing.
I'm happy for him, but I really wish that Jones and him fought.
Because, God damn, that would be crazy.
shane gillis
That'd be fun.
joe rogan
You can't zig when you shoulda zagged with Francis O'Connor.
You can't make any mistakes, man.
That guy touches your chin, you're in a world of shit.
shane gillis
It's tomorrow.
joe rogan
You're in a world of shit.
He's a totally different thing.
His power makes it a totally different thing that you're doing.
Because with some guys, you can make little mistakes.
You get hit, you get shit, you move around, you get rocked a little.
With him, it's just sleep.
It's just bing!
It's like, oh no!
So that's in a lot of people's eyes.
shane gillis
Your wife is holding your head and you're like, oh no!
joe rogan
Like, when a guy will fight someone that doesn't have, like, dangerous striking, there's, like, a noticeable, like, relaxed sort of in the interactions.
It's like, you know you don't have to be too scared.
So you can get closer to them.
You could, like, avoid some shots.
But when someone has nuclear power, like Francis, there's not a thing you can do that doesn't put you in range of getting flatlined.
And so you're always thinking about it.
Look at that fucking upper gun, bro.
Dude.
shane gillis
What's your problem?
joe rogan
That fucking power is so preposterous.
shane gillis
That fucking ovarian punch?
unidentified
Oof.
joe rogan
The ovarian punch was insane.
But I mean, he knocked out Cain Velasquez in the first round.
I mean, I just, I fucking think he can knock out anybody, man.
I think it's just a matter of whether or not he hits your chin.
I just think that power is just too extraordinary.
shane gillis
Oh my god.
joe rogan
And he's become so skillful.
That was the thing that was really remarkable about the Stipe fight.
Like, he fought very skillful.
It wasn't just that he's explosive and powerful.
He was patient and just, you know, being very tactical.
Was attacking with leg kicks and that fucking power.
Jesus.
shane gillis
Look, if we're talking UFC, I'm excited for Adesanya.
joe rogan
Oh yeah, the rematch.
shane gillis
It's going to be fun, dude.
joe rogan
Yeah, it's very, very interesting.
Very, very interesting.
Here's the interesting thing.
What if Izzy's leg wasn't fucked up?
shane gillis
Izzy was winning that.
joe rogan
What if Izzy was winning?
He was waiting on the scorecards.
But what if Izzy prepared more to avoid that low calf kick?
Like, what if it became a more crucial part of his training?
Which is what we're going to probably see.
Because the calf kick was a giant issue.
He was saying that the foot got really fucked up and he couldn't move right.
And you could see it when I rewatched it.
I was like, yeah, you could see it.
And Pejera lands a bunch of ruthless calf kicks in the first round.
shane gillis
That guy's a fucker, dude.
joe rogan
He's a motherfucker, dude.
He's the scariest motherfucker in that division.
shane gillis
You know one of the meanest thing UFC's done?
unidentified
What?
shane gillis
Is Izzy was on the cover of the video game.
unidentified
Yeah.
shane gillis
They changed it.
For Arizona.
joe rogan
Wow.
unidentified
Yeah.
joe rogan
That's rude.
shane gillis
It's fucked up, dude.
joe rogan
That's rude.
shane gillis
It's fucked up.
joe rogan
Izzy's still the man.
shane gillis
Yeah, obviously.
joe rogan
Listen, Izzy almost had him out in the first round.
The first round, the first round, with seconds to go, he lands that right hand.
Ba-bank!
Like, right on the chin.
Rocks him.
And then there was a left hook that landed as well that was, like, on the bell.
Like, at the bell.
But...
shane gillis
Izzy's so important to the black anime culture.
Black dorks finally have a fucking champion, dude.
A dude who loves anime?
joe rogan
A guy who loves anime can fucking love.
And what courage.
I love that he just decided to get right back in there.
It's just not much time.
shane gillis
That guy's cool.
He might be the coolest guy.
joe rogan
He's very cool.
Very cool.
shane gillis
Who's the coolest guy?
He might be the coolest.
joe rogan
Might be him.
Yeah, might be him.
shane gillis
Pound for pound, coolest UFC guy?
joe rogan
Yeah, might be him.
Who's cooler?
Who could be cooler?
shane gillis
Ah, Conor.
joe rogan
Yeah, Conor's pretty fucking cool.
shane gillis
Conor's up there.
joe rogan
He's very cool.
shane gillis
Colby Covington.
joe rogan
Listen, that fucking guy's smart.
What he did, I've talked to him, he's a very nice guy.
And he's real good friends with my friend Cam Haynes.
He's a very smart guy.
And what was going on was that he was gonna get cut from his fucking contract.
And they were saying, dude, you're boring, you're just wrestling with people.
shane gillis
Now I'm the MAGA guy.
joe rogan
And so he goes over to Brazil and just starts talking mad shit.
Beats up Damien Maia and talks mad shit.
Just talked mad shit.
shane gillis
Too bad you gotta do that.
joe rogan
Well, you don't have to do it.
Because, you know, there's guys who don't do it.
You don't have to do it.
I mean, Pejera doesn't do it.
You don't have to do it.
shane gillis
Yeah, but you can be a freak.
You can be a scary freak and not talk.
That's one method.
joe rogan
Yeah.
It's like everybody has their own way of approaching it.
You know?
And some guys, they approach it.
shane gillis
Dude, I forget who it was.
Who the fuck is that guy?
joe rogan
Who the fuck is that guy?
unidentified
I'm the real fight.
shane gillis
I'm the 155.
Who the fuck is that guy?
joe rogan
It's just fucking amazing.
Oh, no.
It was amazing.
I mean, he's so good on the mic.
Conor's so good on the mic.
But Chael Sonnen was the original.
That's what I was saying about that before.
He was the first guy that brought a pro wrestling heel character to MMA with legit fighting skills.
He wasn't really a 205-er.
shane gillis
His shit talk is hilarious.
joe rogan
He was an elite 85-er, though.
He was an elite 85-er.
And he was fucking great.
unidentified
Anderson Silva, you absolutely suck!
shane gillis
That was early, too.
joe rogan
It was amazing!
shane gillis
That dude's drinking Mickeys.
unidentified
Yeah!
Get him!
joe rogan
It's hilarious.
shane gillis
I got a good one, a good highlight.
Sean Taylor vs.
Punter, Pro Bowl.
It's a fun one.
You want to see what happens when a normal human tries to run the ball in the NFL? Oh no.
It's pretty great.
It's also the Pro Bowl where you're not supposed to kill people.
joe rogan
So you're not supposed to kill people in the Pro Bowl?
shane gillis
Look at this normal human trying to run.
joe rogan
Oh my god.
Bro, that's like a car accident.
shane gillis
Look at him celebrating.
They're like, yeah, fuck you.
joe rogan
Bro, he used himself as a human missile.
Look at that.
He's like a human missile.
shane gillis
Dude, Sean Taylor was...
joe rogan
You know, that's one of the things that Jon Jones says about his brother Chandler.
He goes, I was grabbing his wrists while he was sitting down.
And Chandler basically lifted him up with his wrists.
And he goes, I've never felt strength like that in my life.
He's like, we're just lucky that guy's not fighting.
shane gillis
Those football guys are terrifying.
joe rogan
Terrifying.
shane gillis
Those dudes that can hit...
Even Mike Allstott highlights.
Do you know Mike Allstott?
joe rogan
No.
shane gillis
Dude, he's a white man running the football, dude.
joe rogan
Yeah?
shane gillis
It's our last great.
Well, obviously Christian McCaffrey, dude.
Christian McCaffrey runs the ball.
No, Mike Allstott was just a jacked...
He just ran straight.
joe rogan
My problem is I know too much about MMA, so I don't have any room for anything else.
I'm sure I'd love football.
shane gillis
Football is so fucking cool.
joe rogan
I'm sure I'd love football.
But my brain is like...
shane gillis
UFC's pretty awesome, dude.
joe rogan
For me, that's enough.
shane gillis
I hear you.
joe rogan
I can't only watch so much sports, but for me, like, that's...
This is what I always say.
If two guys are playing basketball and there becomes a dispute and one guy beats the other guy in basketball, the other guy can say, yeah, but I can still beat your ass.
But if somebody beats your ass, you can't say, yeah, but I can beat you in basketball because nobody cares.
That's the difference.
What if you cared about basketball?
Well, listen, basketball is an awesome sport.
shane gillis
What if two stand-ups?
One guy's an open-miker that does jiu-jitsu.
One guy's Louis C.K. He whoops his ass.
And Louis can be like, yeah, at least I can do stand-up.
joe rogan
Yeah, that's different, though.
Because now you're comparing...
His art is undeniable.
No one cares if Louis can do jiu-jitsu.
unidentified
He's a fucking amazing stand-up.
joe rogan
But I'm saying in terms of physical competition...
We're only talking about physical competition.
It's just like a thing that what all sports are, it's like this expression of male dominance or female dominance.
It's like this expression of becoming, like whatever it is, whether it's basketball or soccer, it's like being the ultimate dominator through a game.
shane gillis
You ever see soccer fights?
joe rogan
Oh, yeah.
shane gillis
Dude, it's so funny.
joe rogan
I love how they fake.
shane gillis
If they get touched, they all fly.
joe rogan
Yeah, they just flop to the ground.
shane gillis
Yeah.
Jamie, how are we looking on a Mike Allstad highlight, dude?
joe rogan
What's going on here?
jamie vernon
This guy is the one that no one in the NBA fucks with.
shane gillis
Oh, Steven Adams.
jamie vernon
He just picked this guy up and carried him away for fucking with his teammate.
He's from New Zealand.
No one fucks with this guy.
joe rogan
Why?
shane gillis
Because he's a monster.
joe rogan
Oh, Jesus.
jamie vernon
He's like 6'11".
shane gillis
He's 7 feet tall.
He looks like fucking Aquaman, dude.
unidentified
He just carried that guy.
jamie vernon
He does some training.
joe rogan
Show me how he did that again.
Well, he got double underhooks.
Look at that.
He just hoists him.
jamie vernon
Yeah, there's another NBA guy that does jujitsu that I think no one fucking can do.
shane gillis
He held his shoulder like a kid.
joe rogan
Bro, look at this.
He hoisted him up in the air and just started walking with him.
jamie vernon
He's also a giant dude, too.
It's not like he's a small guy.
joe rogan
I know.
Look at that.
That's crazy.
jamie vernon
Nope, get away.
This fight's over.
So, like, no fights happen when he's there, for sure, because he's the intimidator.
shane gillis
I'm such a big John Moran fan now.
joe rogan
That's a good way to do it, too.
Like, you didn't hurt him.
You just said, let's go for a walk.
shane gillis
That's such a bummer.
That's a bummer, dude.
Getting carried by another man.
Away.
Away.
joe rogan
Such a bummer.
Such a bummer.
I was doing pictures with fans once after a show.
This fucking big dude with like a weird mustache.
He wanted to take a picture and he goes, could I carry you in the picture?
I go, what?
shane gillis
No.
joe rogan
I go, like a baby?
Is that what you're saying?
Like, carry me?
shane gillis
You're being mean?
Is that what you're saying?
joe rogan
You're trying to be disrespectful?
No, no, no, he wasn't.
He just really wanted to carry me in the picture.
shane gillis
Alright.
joe rogan
There's something off about this dude.
shane gillis
Oh, he wasn't trying to be a dickhead.
joe rogan
No, I think he was just, like, real weird.
shane gillis
Just a fucking weird psycho?
joe rogan
But real and big.
Just real weird and big.
And he wanted to carry me.
Like, it didn't seem like he was being...
unidentified
Did he have a knife for you?
shane gillis
Like, I gotta stab this fucking guy.
joe rogan
It didn't seem like he was being rude.
unidentified
Yeah.
joe rogan
No!
It didn't seem like he was being rude.
shane gillis
Back at the fishing hole.
I'm 13 again.
joe rogan
This fucking fire teacher's trying to suck my dick.
shane gillis
Probably would have been terrifying.
It would have been very scary, but I'll tell you what, that guy would have sucked the soul out of you, dude.
That guy's been jogging thinking about it for years, dude.
That guy would have...
unidentified
You would have launched into that fucking dude's mouth.
shane gillis
You'd never be the same, dude.
Dude, a blowjob where you have everything to lose while you're giving it?
It's a fucking strong blowjob.
joe rogan
Imagine the crazy...
shane gillis
I'm not advocating for pedophilia.
joe rogan
Imagine the crazy feeling like a 25-year-old hot teacher has fucking one of her 16-year-old students.
shane gillis
It's about as hot as it gets.
joe rogan
Yeah, some 16-year-old quarterback, he's asking her about English work, and she goes, well, if you come to my house, I can help you with some of your English work.
He goes over to her house, and she has a glass of wine already.
shane gillis
Stop, dude, stop.
joe rogan
And next thing you know, they're sitting on the couch, and she's talking to him, you know, I'm concerned, because some girls are bad.
And, you know, sometimes a man just needs sexual release.
shane gillis
Stop, dude.
joe rogan
This is a genre.
shane gillis
I whack off to this.
joe rogan
The kid's like, are you sure?
unidentified
I mean, is this okay?
shane gillis
Yes, it's okay.
Stop.
Yes, it's okay.
No one's gonna care.
joe rogan
Nobody feels bad about those porns.
shane gillis
No one's gonna care.
joe rogan
If you show me a porn where there's like a 21-year-old guy banging a 45-year-old chick who lifts weights, I'm in.
Nobody's getting hurt there.
shane gillis
Oh, you're like jack ladies.
joe rogan
Yeah, you do.
Old ladies work out.
I'm a little jacked.
shane gillis
A little jack's fun.
joe rogan
A little bit.
Nothing crazy.
shane gillis
Yeah, one of the girls, I had sex with a girl that was getting strong.
And it fucked me up, dude.
No, I was from behind.
She had, like, traps.
unidentified
And I was like, what the fuck?
shane gillis
Took me out of it.
joe rogan
That's hilarious.
shane gillis
Traps is rough.
joe rogan
Yeah, that's a male Vanderlei Silva look.
Yeah, that's a bummer.
shane gillis
Oh, no.
joe rogan
Thick neck.
shane gillis
Yeah.
unidentified
Traps.
shane gillis
And I'm nothing.
I'm not working out at all.
I'm playing Xbox.
joe rogan
Maybe that's what they want.
Some girls like that.
shane gillis
Like a nice slob, dude.
A potato.
joe rogan
They just want to be the pit bull.
shane gillis
Yeah, I like that.
I like that.
joe rogan
With their traps.
shane gillis
I like that.
joe rogan
Traps, big forearms.
unidentified
Yeah.
joe rogan
Big ol' veiny forearms.
shane gillis
I went to a strip club in London, Ontario last week.
And there was a lady, she was going wild, dude.
She was a pit bull.
She was like, they'd just bring people on stage and just...
Everybody in Canada was putting money in their mouth at this strip club.
Every single one of them would be...
What happened to COVID? The first stripper that was with me was like...
Opened her mouth.
What?
I was like, I don't want to put money.
You don't want money in your mouth.
I'm giving a stripper health advice.
I don't want to do that.
Put it in your thing.
Dudes would put money in their mouth and lay on stage on their back.
And the stripper would come and take it with her butt.
It's pretty fun.
But anyway, the point of the story...
joe rogan
Mouth seems very unsanitary.
shane gillis
Definitely.
joe rogan
For sure, right?
shane gillis
Yeah, they're going to get a fucked up disease.
joe rogan
And doesn't most money, there's at least a really good percentage of money that has cocaine on it?
jamie vernon
Hundreds, I believe, has the highest percentage, but yes.
joe rogan
So if you're one of those people that gets...
unidentified
That's a bummer.
shane gillis
That's a bummer.
joe rogan
Yeah, that's a bummer.
shane gillis
That's a sad line.
All I got is a one.
joe rogan
Oh my god.
shane gillis
But no, this lady was dancing.
She was fucking dudes up.
Dudes would go on stage.
My buddy went on stage and she tried to take his belt and whip him.
And he was like, no.
joe rogan
He was like, stop whipping.
shane gillis
But then she was dominating this guy.
And I was like, something's going on.
And then she lifted her arm and she had armpit hair.
And I was like, what the fuck?
It just ruined it, dude.
Immediately.
I was into it.
I was all in.
joe rogan
That's hilarious.
shane gillis
Armpit hair got me.
joe rogan
That's hilarious.
Armpit hair doesn't bother me at all.
shane gillis
No.
Doesn't bother me.
So wait, you like jack ladies with armpit hair?
joe rogan
Yeah, a little bit of armpit hair.
shane gillis
You're getting close, dude.
You're so close.
That's as close as it gets.
joe rogan
Oh my god.
shane gillis
Yeah, like a good buzz cut.
joe rogan
I like them bald.
I like a bald lady.
She could wear a wig.
unidentified
You could be a different hairstyle every night.
Oh my god.
shane gillis
Damn, that fisherman might have got you, dude.
Might have set you off.
joe rogan
Imagine.
shane gillis
I could have got you.
I never had a priest.
joe rogan
What if I did stab him?
What if he killed me because I stabbed him?
You know, there's so many things that could have happened there.
I don't know what that guy got fired for, but he was a teacher.
shane gillis
I bet he got fired for fucking kids.
Yeah, you can't do shit like that.
You ever have a priest?
No, you weren't Catholic, were you?
joe rogan
Yeah, I was Catholic.
Yeah, but I dodged the priests.
shane gillis
I never had a priest really go for it, but I remember one time I was in confession, and it was right when we were all starting to whack off, so the priest, he like asked.
I was in the middle of confession and he was like, do you spill seed?
He said, do you spill seed?
And I thought it was like a biblical reference.
Like some type of proverb where like, you know?
So I was like, yes.
joe rogan
Oh, Jesus Christ.
shane gillis
I thought it was like a saying for sinning.
joe rogan
Right.
shane gillis
Like, I don't know, some story where the guy dropped seeds.
And then I started to slowly realize that he was asking me about coming.
joe rogan
Oh my God.
shane gillis
He wasn't, I don't know.
That's a weird job.
Being a priest, asking fucking eighth graders if they're whacking off.
joe rogan
It's not appropriate.
And it's also...
The problem with any job where you have to be celibate.
shane gillis
Yeah.
joe rogan
Any job where you have to be celibate.
Like, who's going to sign up for that?
Here's the thing.
It's not like they get better seats in heaven.
unidentified
No.
joe rogan
Like, why are you doing that?
Like, you're doing that because you're called to that duty?
shane gillis
A good priest, that is cool.
I do think that is cool.
joe rogan
A good priest is cool, but the idea that they should be celibate, you're going to eliminate a lot of people that don't want that job.
shane gillis
The dudes that are like, fuck it, I'll just be a priest.
Like, if you're, like, thinking about what job you want to have, and you're like, ah, I'll just fucking...
Just be a priest.
joe rogan
Some people do do that because they're raised Catholic.
And they're like, look, if I do it, I'm 100% guaranteed in.
You know?
shane gillis
All you have to do is like- You gotta go to school.
joe rogan
You don't have to go to school.
You're in there.
You're a priest now.
shane gillis
You gotta go to seminary for fucking seven years.
joe rogan
And people treat you well if you're a priest.
It's a respected part of the community.
shane gillis
It's funny how much they're kind of...
Oh, dude.
My friend Matt...
You met Matt McCusker.
We were laughing so hard about...
Like, a priest, you got a fucking pretty easy job.
You're set up.
You live next to the church.
You go do this.
But then every once in a while, you got to get hit with a dude confession that's just like, I sucked my friend's dick at golf.
unidentified
You're like...
shane gillis
What?
Like, dude's hitting you with confessions.
And then you look out and see him in chairs.
Like, while you're performing mass, you look out, there's a guy like...
You see, you're like, oh, that's a guy who blows his friends.
You know?
You know the whole congregation's secrets.
joe rogan
That was a thing that they invented purely so that they could, like, spy on people.
Well, not blackmail.
They wanted to know who was doing what.
And if you could give people an out that allows you to go to heaven, but you have to tell.
shane gillis
You've got to tell on yourself.
joe rogan
Yeah.
But then I'll tell you, you're going to do a bunch of Hail Marys, and it's going to be good.
You're still going to go to heaven.
Like a completely human-created loophole.
Just to acquire data.
That's what it is.
shane gillis
Yeah, it was pre-Google.
joe rogan
Yeah, they were just acquiring data on the people.
shane gillis
It's fucked up.
I just had a revelation.
I think that's...
I tell on myself.
joe rogan
Do you?
shane gillis
Yeah, I was raised Catholic my whole life.
When I was a kid, I was telling myself.
joe rogan
It's built into the system.
I felt like when I was a young kid, I remember I went to Catholic school for one year and I had this nun that was teaching the class.
I didn't have a priest.
We had a nun.
And her name was Sister Mary Josephine, and she was so mean.
shane gillis
Yeah, we had Sister Michael Ann.
We all had wild names.
joe rogan
She was so mean, dude.
She was so mean.
She would tell you that she's going to make you sit on a nail in the closet, and you better bring your pajamas because you're staying here tonight.
Kids would cry.
We'd cry.
We'd be so scared.
Because I went from being with my mom, who's like this sweet lady.
This is the lady that I'm used to.
My mom's nice to me.
She loves me.
shane gillis
She's a nasty lady.
joe rogan
To all of a sudden, this crazy bitch that doesn't even get to fuck.
You're dressed in this weird costume, and she was so mean.
What it did to me at an early age was like, oh, okay.
That's bullshit.
You know how you have to see things that are so stunningly obvious?
This had nothing to do with God.
This is like a mean person who's just torturing kids.
And since I hadn't been around that, it was very unusual for me.
And I was like, oh, this is all horseshit.
And then I think there was a period after that where I was fucking kind of really weirded out because then I was thinking, well, if this is bullshit, does this mean that like nobody knows?
Nobody knows?
shane gillis
Yeah.
joe rogan
Do you remember that for the first time you realized that nobody knows what happens when you die?
shane gillis
I can tell you exactly when it was.
It was sixth grade.
joe rogan
Really?
shane gillis
Maybe fifth.
We were, exactly, and then I get it wrong.
We were at my friend's, we had like built a fort at my friend's house.
We were all back there and we were like, I don't know if God's real.
And everyone at the same time was like, yeah, dude, I know.
We're not allowed to talk about it.
joe rogan
Wow, that's the thing, right?
shane gillis
Yeah.
joe rogan
Especially if you have a religious family.
You're not allowed to talk about it.
People get very upset if you even just want to breach a subject.
shane gillis
I think, I mean, I was, if I told my dad, I mean, hearing a fifth grader say, I don't know if God's real, I'll fuck you up.
unidentified
If my dad's just drinking, watching sports.
joe rogan
Yeah, dude.
Kids, do worry about that, man.
When I was younger, I used to really think that religion is just a panacea for the masses, and it's not necessary, and it's really outdated, and you should know better than to believe that.
But as I've gotten older, I've realized that it acts as like a scaffolding for behavior.
shane gillis
Yeah, of course.
joe rogan
And it also gives people a sense of being, of being a part of something that means something to them.
To say that that's not valuable is crazy.
shane gillis
That's what's cool if you talk to, like, a good priest.
unidentified
Yeah.
shane gillis
Like, if you talk to a good one, they'll tell you that.
They'll go, yeah, no one knows.
But it's good.
joe rogan
And a good philosopher will say the same thing.
That's why I always question people that say that they know what's going to happen when they die.
There'll be just blankness.
People love to say that.
It's a very common thing, right?
shane gillis
Yeah.
joe rogan
People love to say that when it's over, you just die, and that you go black.
But we don't know that.
We don't know that.
This whole thing is weird enough that I think we should entertain every possibility.
shane gillis
You gotta feel real weird.
joe rogan
Oh, yeah.
shane gillis
Your life's fucking crazy.
It's hilarious.
joe rogan
Yeah, it's very weird.
shane gillis
Yeah.
Me and my buddy O'Connor, who you met last night, we were talking about it on the way.
It was like, guys, it's the perfect setup.
It's pretty sweet.
UFC podcast stand-up.
joe rogan
Yeah.
Stuff I like.
shane gillis
Yeah.
joe rogan
Yeah.
shane gillis
That's cool.
God, that's a good club.
joe rogan
You can do that too, bro.
shane gillis
I'm trying.
joe rogan
Yeah.
shane gillis
That club?
joe rogan
You murdered last night, man.
shane gillis
Aw, thank you.
joe rogan
That was fun.
That was fun.
shane gillis
I get uncomfortable doing well like that.
It was too well.
I get a standing ovation when I walked out.
I was like, all right.
You see me?
I looked up at you.
joe rogan
Well, that fucking crowd is magic.
It's like magic right away, right from the jump.
shane gillis
Yeah.
Got a lot of people on the show, too.
joe rogan
It was a long-ass show last night.
shane gillis
A long show.
joe rogan
And then Dave goes up in the little room for the first time last night.
shane gillis
I was sweating.
joe rogan
Yeah, the place is pretty sick.
shane gillis
Yeah, that was cool.
joe rogan
Pretty sick.
shane gillis
Bringing up Dave was cool.
I wish he would have been ready.
Oh, when you brought him up.
Ladies and gentlemen, Dave Chappelle!
He just wasn't there.
unidentified
It was okay.
shane gillis
He's coming.
He's coming.
joe rogan
It was perfect because it wasn't smooth, so it set up the conversational style of stand-up that he was doing and fucking around.
And he also didn't know where the stage was, so he was like, how do I get up here?
And he went to the middle, and then he was like, no, you gotta go that way.
shane gillis
What was funny when he does that, where he's doing the conversational thing, it's almost like I think he knows what the joke's gonna be.
Because he'll keep talking, and you're like, oh man, all he's doing is making a point right now.
And then right at the very end, he hits a fucking...
joe rogan
Hits a zinger.
unidentified
Yeah.
joe rogan
Yeah, well...
He practices.
That's what he wanted to do last night.
That was like a practice set, which is really interesting.
It gives him an opportunity to fuck around, and in that fucking around, he'll come up with an idea, and then he'll pursue that idea, and then they'll watch the film.
Wild, man.
It's wild to see.
shane gillis
It's so exciting.
Yeah, that was one of the cooler moments I've ever had.
joe rogan
Yeah.
shane gillis
You introducing me and then going on.
joe rogan
Yeah, and you were the first person who ever went on stage in that small room.
shane gillis
Thank you for that.
joe rogan
My pleasure.
shane gillis
That whole fucking night was awesome.
joe rogan
Yeah, it was pretty sick.
shane gillis
Yeah.
That's one of those I woke up today a little hungover.
It was one of those hangovers where I was like, good.
joe rogan
Yeah.
shane gillis
I earned that one.
That was a good hangover.
joe rogan
It was good.
The problem is we're doing so many shows there, I can't be hungover.
I can't go hard every night.
shane gillis
No.
joe rogan
Everybody is drinking.
That bar is just fucking ridiculous.
shane gillis
Yo, David Lucas was bombed last night.
We talked to David, dude.
I've never seen David that fucked up.
Danny Brown was in there screaming.
joe rogan
Danny Brown was very, very engaged.
shane gillis
I wanted to get a picture.
Yeah, I wanted a nice candid of me, Pauly Shore, and Danny Brown.
joe rogan
Yeah, that's right.
Pauly came by.
shane gillis
Yeah, that was a fucking fun night, man.
joe rogan
It was.
Doing it again tonight.
Wee!
shane gillis
Can't wait.
joe rogan
Wee!
shane gillis
I don't know, man.
I'm going to be chasing that dragon, though.
joe rogan
No, no, no.
Don't even worry about it.
Just have fun.
unidentified
Yeah.
joe rogan
Think about it.
That club, the fact that the building is so old, it's like baked in.
There's like a life in that building that's baked in, and we just put nice clothes on it and dressed it up.
shane gillis
Yeah.
Yeah, I'm not sucking your dick.
That was perfect.
joe rogan
It's a perfect club.
shane gillis
That club's fucking perfect, man.
joe rogan
It's very exciting.
shane gillis
Standing back.
I was nervous.
I was looking at those fucking steps.
That's cool.
unidentified
Yeah, you should feel like that.
shane gillis
I'm standing there.
I'm like, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
joe rogan
It's good for you.
shane gillis
Yeah.
joe rogan
It's also good that we're doing these shows where there's so many killers on.
unidentified
That's what we missed.
shane gillis
Yeah, you know they're up there.
You know they're up there.
You know they're watching.
You're like, this has to be good, dude.
Yeah.
joe rogan
Well, that's what we were missing.
You know, like...
That's what we had at the store.
The store was always just killer after killer after killer, and it's just really good for you.
shane gillis
Yeah.
joe rogan
You know?
And when you take that away, it's like...
You kind of like...
As a good comedy gym, that's what you really want to reproduce.
You want to recreate the environment of a bunch of people that are sort of feeding off of each other.
Where they're like, this guy's killing.
It's like, God, I gotta pick my game up.
And everybody does it together.
It's very important.
And people don't want to, for some reason, some comics don't want to think about that.
They don't want to address that.
They like to think that they're completely self-made.
But we are so heavily influenced by our friends.
We're so heavily influenced by just the hang, you know?
Just the way we're always hanging out and talking shit and having a good time together.
But then also heavily influenced by our sets.
shane gillis
Yeah, I don't want to sound corny, but yeah, that's the thing you want.
Your other comics respect is the most important thing.
joe rogan
Yeah, and you want to earn it.
You want it to be real.
So that means you did your work.
You got to a certain level.
You're a real professional.
Yeah.
shane gillis
That was a fun night, dude.
Then we went to...
Jamie was on the prowl, dude.
He wanted to have a good time.
He was with me trying to find...
We went to...
Who was over there?
It was like Redman, Cypher Sounds was DJing, Jadakiss, Chappelle.
joe rogan
Did you guys go to the Vulcan?
shane gillis
No, we went to...
What's it called?
joe rogan
Native Hostel?
Oh, I've been there before.
shane gillis
Yeah.
It was me, Tony, Jamie, O'Connor, and DeRosa.
Just five white dudes showed up.
Just like, can we get a drink?
They're like, no.
joe rogan
Wow.
shane gillis
All right.
They closed the bar and I was like, I'm with Dave.
They're like, no, you're not.
All right.
I was like, I gotta find Dave.
Just walk around staring at Dave Chappelle.
joe rogan
No, you're not.
How many guys say I'm with Dave that aren't?
shane gillis
Yeah.
Ugh.
joe rogan
That's gotta be so annoying.
shane gillis
How about we were trying to get beers and those guys were like, Jamie, Shane.
And we were like, can we get two Miller Lights?
They were like, no.
unidentified
I was like, alright.
shane gillis
Come on, man.
We'll give you money.
There's beer right there.
No.
Yeah.
And then, Jamie, I've never seen you on the prowl like that, dude.
Talk to the mic, dude.
Have fun.
He was trying to have fun, dude.
Jamie's usually not...
jamie vernon
It's Wednesday night.
shane gillis
He's ready to get rowdy.
Thank God we didn't go back to the club and drink.
Tony was like, let's just leave and go back to the club.
I was like, dude, if we drink, it's 2. It's 2 o'clock right now.
joe rogan
Yeah.
shane gillis
If we go back to the club, we're there until 4. Yeah, go to bed.
Yeah, bedtime.
I'm getting good at bedtime.
joe rogan
The problem if you don't do bedtime is you wake up too late.
And then you miss a big part of the day.
shane gillis
Yeah.
joe rogan
It's not good.
shane gillis
I do that.
joe rogan
Yeah, but if you have some shit you gotta do...
These late nights, like Dave wants to stay up till like 3, 3.30 in the morning.
He just wants to keep going.
shane gillis
He goes.
joe rogan
He just keeps going.
He's the DJ. He was the DJ in the bar.
shane gillis
Yeah.
I'll do that.
I'll fucking hit the DJ. Bargazzi has a funny bit about it.
unidentified
Oh yeah?
shane gillis
Of being a comic and like you wake up at like 11. So you wake up and the day is, you got 40 missed phone calls.
Every day he wakes up, the day is already done.
Yeah.
unidentified
Yeah.
shane gillis
And he's like, oh shit.
joe rogan
But you have to get good sleep, too.
So if you do go to bed at 3 o'clock in the morning, you really should sleep till 11. You really should.
But then you gotta get going.
shane gillis
It's tough.
It's tough.
joe rogan
It's hard.
The thing that gets you for real is drinking.
That's what gets you.
unidentified
Yeah.
joe rogan
You're drinking clubs a lot.
unidentified
Yeah.
joe rogan
You're wearing yourself out.
shane gillis
I've been doing the cellar totally sober.
joe rogan
Yeah?
shane gillis
That's tough, man.
joe rogan
Don't enjoy it?
shane gillis
Five spots sober.
joe rogan
Oh, no.
shane gillis
You just gotta sit there for four hours.
joe rogan
Oh, no.
shane gillis
What do you do?
joe rogan
Get bored.
unidentified
Yeah.
shane gillis
Find someone to talk to.
You gotta make small talk with another comedian sober.
joe rogan
Yeah, you gotta get into marijuana, son.
shane gillis
It's so bad.
I don't have the brain for it.
joe rogan
What about microdosing mushrooms?
shane gillis
I can fucking crush mushrooms.
joe rogan
That's what I'm talking about.
Maybe a little bit?
Just a little bit?
shane gillis
Not just Coke.
joe rogan
Maybe.
unidentified
Maybe I've been fucking fighting it for all this.
joe rogan
Maybe I'm fighting it for all this time and I'm going to become a Coke advocate.
shane gillis
Dude, if you were on Coke.
joe rogan
Coke is amazing.
shane gillis
Now that's another problem.
That's that Spencer Brown level...
That's Francis Ngannou level problem.
If you were a coke dude, you're going to talk about a pit bull running through a town?
Holy shit, dude.
joe rogan
Let's go!
shane gillis
We were leaving a restaurant last night.
Joe's just hanging out of an SUV going, let's go!
joe rogan
No, let's fucking go.
shane gillis
Just some lady walking just like...
Funny, now she has a story.
She's like, yeah, I was in Austin.
I saw Joe Rogan screaming.
joe rogan
That was because I was talking to radio, and radio was going to go meet Dave, and we were talking.
We were getting hyped up for this show.
I go, radio, let's fucking go!
shane gillis
Yeah, it was fun.
unidentified
Yeah, yeah.
shane gillis
How about Radio?
joe rogan
Oh, he's awesome.
shane gillis
The I love you?
joe rogan
What's that?
Oh, that was hilarious.
I love you.
I love you too.
shane gillis
When he was explaining, I was like, oh shit, that's you, dude.
joe rogan
That was hilarious!
We were eating dinner, and there's a thing that Radio did when he was interviewing Logan Paul, where Logan Paul was...
He was talking about talking to his brother, saying to his brother, I love you, and Radio thought he was telling him he loved him, and he's like, I love you too.
But the reason why Radio said that is because Logan says I love you to him all the time.
He's like a very friendly, gregarious guy.
So it was natural for him to say, I love you too.
And he's like, oh no, what have I done?
And so Shane realizes in the middle of the conversation while we're eating dinner that that's who he is.
unidentified
When you go, oh shit, that's you?
shane gillis
I kept saying it to him.
The rest of the night I'd see him, I'd go, I love you, dude.
He was like, alright, man.
I was like, there's nothing to be ashamed of, dude.
That's hilarious.
I love you, too.
joe rogan
I love you, too.
That hurts, man.
Oh, it's a bad one.
shane gillis
Yeah, I'll play it.
It's so funny.
joe rogan
Dude, that is the actual worst version of, you know, doesn't Brian have a bit of, Brian Regan have a bit about that?
shane gillis
Yeah.
joe rogan
How does it go?
shane gillis
Like, enjoy your meal or enjoy your flight.
joe rogan
You too!
Yeah, yeah.
shane gillis
He's like, God, you too.
joe rogan
Yeah, that's like...
unidentified
Jake, I love you.
I'm not going to give you a big speech.
I know you got this, but either come back victorious or come back on your shield.
I love you, bro.
shane gillis
I love you too, man.
unidentified
How do you feel?
shane gillis
But again, the first time I saw it, I didn't even think about it.
joe rogan
Yeah, that's not good.
shane gillis
I love you too, bro.
joe rogan
But listen, I have said in interviews, I love you too to fighters.
Many times.
unidentified
Yeah.
joe rogan
Many times.
Like Sugar Sean O'Malley, there's like a love fest between me and Sugar Sean.
There's like five of them where I tell them I love them.
unidentified
Yeah.
joe rogan
Someone says they love me.
I love them too.
I do.
I genuinely do.
But that was just a fuck up.
He just fucked up.
You know, it happens.
I was like, dude, it happens.
I saw it, I watched it, and I went out loud.
I was like, ah!
It's no big deal.
You're a great interviewer.
shane gillis
It's just such a funny angle too.
joe rogan
I love you too.
He's a super knowledgeable dude about boxing.
If you want to talk to boxing, talk to radio.
He knows all the contenders and all the various divisions.
He's got essentially a boxing memory and a knowledge like I have an MMA knowledge.
He knows a lot of shit about boxing.
shane gillis
Man, I like Tyson Fury.
joe rogan
Tyson Fury was good!
shane gillis
He was good!
When he sings.
joe rogan
Oh my god.
He's the best.
shane gillis
After every fight, just...
joe rogan
I just hope that the Usyk fight happens.
Tyson Fury is, in my opinion, he's like one of the hardest puzzles to solve in the history of the heavyweight division.
Six foot whatever the fuck he is.
What is he?
6'9"?
shane gillis
6'9".
joe rogan
Incredible skill.
Like, so slick.
And like that herky-jerky style.
Hard to read.
Pops you.
Knocked out Wilder twice.
I mean, come on, man.
Wilder nukes everybody.
shane gillis
Yeah.
joe rogan
If it wasn't for Tyson Fury, like, who knows?
shane gillis
Yeah.
joe rogan
Wilder might have beaten all the rest of them.
shane gillis
He would have.
joe rogan
He might nuke them all.
shane gillis
Yeah.
joe rogan
Tyson Fury's just got his number, man.
shane gillis
That's a bummer.
That sucks, dude.
Just another guy doing the same thing as you that's got your number.
joe rogan
Got your number.
Especially because he all...
shane gillis
That first fight?
joe rogan
Wilder almost got him.
shane gillis
Had him.
joe rogan
I mean, it looked like he was out.
shane gillis
He had him.
joe rogan
Lying flat on his back?
shane gillis
Full Undertaker, dude.
Just...
Got up.
joe rogan
Dude, those gypsies are just not the same.
unidentified
Yeah, dude.
joe rogan
Those are not regular white people.
unidentified
Those are fucked up freaks, dude.
shane gillis
That guy's a freak.
He looks like shit, dude.
It's awesome.
joe rogan
Yeah.
shane gillis
It's awesome, dude.
joe rogan
It is awesome.
He looks like shit.
His fucking back fat.
shane gillis
He's going up against a chiseled back, dude.
You're like, oh, yes, dude.
joe rogan
So he's flat on his back.
shane gillis
Here comes a complete freak.
joe rogan
And now watch this.
just gets right up to his feet and now he says he's fine He walks over there jiggling, all that fat fat jiggling.
So now here's what's crazy though.
He thought, Deontay thought the fight was over, right?
shane gillis
That's a very embarrassing clip for Deontay.
joe rogan
Yeah, he thought he had him.
shane gillis
You see him get up and you're like, oh shit.
joe rogan
Yeah, there's a look when he sees him get up.
Watch.
Right now he realizes he got up.
And he's like, oh shit, he's back up.
And so then from that round on, Tyson Fury beat him.
And Tyson Fury figured out that if you get Deontay to back up, he's not as effective.
shane gillis
Is that a draw?
joe rogan
Like that thing that you saw Stipe do, where he ran and knocked out Fabrizio Verdum.
That's so hard to do.
unidentified
Yeah.
joe rogan
And some guys just can't do that.
And Deontay is much better going forward.
So in all the fights after that, Tyson Fury just controlled the pace, controlled the distance, kept it on him, kept him backing up, and was super aggressive.
shane gillis
It's fun.
joe rogan
Tyson's the funniest, man.
shane gillis
He's the best.
He's so fucking funny, dude.
joe rogan
Bitch!
Usyk!
He calls everybody bitches.
unidentified
Yeah, nothing.
shane gillis
Yeah, I can't even disagree.
Yeah, tosser.
joe rogan
Yeah.
unidentified
Absolute tosser.
Scared to fight me.
shane gillis
When he's singing, he's singing.
joe rogan
Yeah.
shane gillis
Walking in Vegas.
unidentified
A long, long time ago, I can still remember.
shane gillis
He just knocked a guy out.
unidentified
He's a fucking insane person.
shane gillis
He's just singing.
Oh, that has to hurt, losing to him.
And you hear it while you're walking back to the tunnel, you hear this fucking guy.
unidentified
I can still remember how that music used to make me smile.
joe rogan
That doesn't even make sense!
You just win a fight.
unidentified
I can make those people dance and maybe they'd be happy for a while.
Look at all those people sitting there going, what the fuck is happening?
shane gillis
It's the longest song you can pick.
joe rogan
It's the longest song!
unidentified
It's Bye Bye American Pie!
joe rogan
That fucking song's so long!
unidentified
I can't remember if I cried when I read about his widow's wife Something touched me deep inside The day He's trying so hard to sing, dude.
shane gillis
He's singing for real.
unidentified
He screamed like a pirate!
joe rogan
He bullied Damo in the singing!
Look at how many people are still there, sitting down after he won the fight.
shane gillis
You know he's gonna sing, dude.
English, they love singing.
joe rogan
They do.
They always sing it.
shane gillis
What a good culture.
Just getting fucked up and singing together.
You and your boys come up with a song.
That's fun.
Our American chants suck.
We're not even close.
joe rogan
Well, those songs that they sing back then, that's like back in the war days.
They would go on campaigns and sing songs.
Sing war songs.
shane gillis
In a trench.
joe rogan
Dude.
shane gillis
Hold on, I gotta piss.
Can I piss?
joe rogan
Yeah, let's piss.
shane gillis
Alright.
Let's fucking go.
unidentified
Let's fucking go.
shane gillis
Stop, Joe.
joe rogan
Shane Gillis, ladies and gentlemen.
shane gillis
Hey.
joe rogan
So tell me about shit hoarding.
shane gillis
Shit hoarders.
joe rogan
Last night!
This is the kind of conversations we have at like 1 o'clock in the morning.
He's like, dude!
You watch Hoarders?
shane gillis
Because I was like, alright, fuck, I gotta think of something.
I gotta have something to say.
joe rogan
We always have something to say.
shane gillis
I know, I know, but you know how.
You get a little wet.
joe rogan
You know so much about history.
You always have something to say.
That's an interesting element of your act that I really enjoy, is that you're such a fan of...
What's the matter, Jamie?
shane gillis
The shithoarder?
jamie vernon
Yeah, sorry.
I didn't mean to.
joe rogan
Oh.
shane gillis
No, it's unbelievable.
joe rogan
I thought you spilled coffee on yourself.
shane gillis
No, it's unbelievable.
joe rogan
You have such a knowledge of history, and you're so interested in so many different things that it layers...
Your comedy in a really cool way.
It's like that George Washington thing, I don't want to say anything, because it's so good.
I don't want to fuck it up, but it's so good.
I love that bit.
But it's also historically accurate.
It's fucking fun.
It's fun because it's engaging me and it's entertaining me.
It's engaging me, it's interesting.
And it's also very funny.
shane gillis
It never worked.
And I remember in Lancaster, Pennsylvania, one of the open mics where I started, Amish country, there was a joke I always used to try.
The guy who was running the mic would always be like, dude, do it.
Do the Civil War joke.
It never worked.
It was just about dudes walking to shoot each other.
Like, you had to walk.
It was something about, like, you know how racist you had to be to, like...
Be in the South and wake up one day and be like, wait, they freed who?
What the fuck?
I'm going up there and then walking the whole way.
You had to sleep at night and wake up and go like, son of a bitch.
And they walked from Alabama to Maryland.
You got shot in the head right away.
joe rogan
Who had that great joke about that?
You know, where they'll tell you the Civil War wasn't about slavery.
It was about economics.
Like, yeah, you didn't want to pay the help.
Whose joke is that?
shane gillis
I don't know.
joe rogan
Somebody has that joke.
shane gillis
I don't know.
People try to act like the Civil War wasn't about it.
joe rogan
Is it Bill Maher?
shane gillis
Maybe.
joe rogan
It might be Bill Maher.
It's someone good.
shane gillis
But I always wanted to do a joke about...
Because your company, whatever your group was, because they were all from the same town.
So your division or fucking your brigade would be from your town.
So you never left your town.
So your brigade back then was everybody you grew up with.
Every dude.
Your son, your brother, your uncle, and your dad.
You're all fucking together.
And you're marching shoulder to shoulder.
And you watch your fucking dad get his head ripped off by a cannonball.
You just gotta keep being like, oh, fuck.
joe rogan
Oh, fuck.
shane gillis
A cannonball hits your dad in the head.
You knew who was getting shot.
joe rogan
Oh my god, dude.
shane gillis
Yeah.
I don't know why that's funny.
joe rogan
Imagine?
shane gillis
Yeah.
unidentified
How about the trench warfare of World War I? Started in Civil War.
shane gillis
Siege of Vicksburg, I think.
joe rogan
That's when they started trench warfare?
shane gillis
Yeah, they say the Civil War in America was like the first modern war.
This is revolutionary, dude.
joe rogan
It's just getting pumped.
This is so horrible.
Look at this, walking towards each other, like the stupidest way to do it ever.
Can you imagine that people did this for some- OH GOD! OH GOD! Hit in the face with a cannonball.
shane gillis
Now that's, the Patriot's roughly based off of, I think his name is Francis Marion, the Swamp Fox.
And he was a, he was kind of an originator of guerrilla warfare.
Because they were like, we can't, we can't stand and fight the British.
joe rogan
God damn.
shane gillis
We have to shoot them and run.
Which is pretty funny.
joe rogan
How crazy are the British just going to come over here and start marching with a big white stripe on your chest?
shane gillis
Red jackets?
joe rogan
It's 100% a target.
Red and white is what you use for archery targets.
shane gillis
They had to change.
joe rogan
That's so dumb!
shane gillis
Once rifling took over, they had to be like, alright, we've got to switch our uniforms.
joe rogan
Isn't that amazing, though, that that was...
You had to think of how much the British Army conquered in the world.
Everybody.
Everybody.
And imagine that their decision to fight was this way.
Like, how?
How did you get from Like, the Mongols to that.
How does that happen in a thousand years?
The Mongols had all these crazy tactics.
They would starve people out, lock them in their cities.
They would wait them out slowly.
shane gillis
You get artillery and guns, you can just...
But this is crazy!
That's just running it down your throat, dude.
It's like, we're gonna walk at you.
joe rogan
But...
I just can't imagine that someone wouldn't say, hey, isn't there a fucking better way to fight these people?
Yeah, like, what are we doing?
shane gillis
Let's get behind a tree and then shoot them.
joe rogan
I can't even watch this, dude.
I can't believe people did that.
That's what's so crazy.
It's like, how did they survive to become that silly?
Like, that's a silly way to fight a war, right?
So how did they survive with those strategies?
How were they dominant with those strategies?
shane gillis
Because they're the only ones with...
Well, most of them are colonies, where the other guys are...
They have fucking cowhide shields and spears, like the Zulu.
joe rogan
And so they were the only ones with muskets?
shane gillis
Yeah, you have fucking guns.
You just...
Yeah, you're gonna win.
You're the only ones with guns.
joe rogan
So the British were the only ones with guns?
shane gillis
Well, when it came to their colonies.
In a land war, they would lose a lot to France, Prussia, those major continental powers.
But England always had a navy.
They always dominated through naval warfare.
And then they had to team up with everyone to stop Napoleon.
joe rogan
Dude, once they started shooting cannonballs off boats...
shane gillis
That's a problem.
joe rogan
That must have been a game changer.
unidentified
Huge problem.
joe rogan
When did they start doing that?
When did they start doing cannonballs from boats?
unidentified
Because that's, bro, that is a motherfucker.
shane gillis
Yeah.
joe rogan
You got a cannon on a boat?
shane gillis
Shooting people without cannons?
unidentified
Boom!
shane gillis
Yeah, you just do this all day.
joe rogan
How many times did they have to shoot that cannon before they figured out how hard they have to bolt it into the floor?
shane gillis
A lot.
Shot out the other side of the boat.
joe rogan
You got a floating wooden thing with this giant iron tube on it that has explosions go off on it.
shane gillis
And just four poor guys from Manchester operating it.
Oh my god.
joe rogan
Boom!
shane gillis
You ever see Master and Commander with Russell Crowe?
joe rogan
I think I have.
shane gillis
Oh, it's...
Jamie, back me up, dude.
joe rogan
I don't remember it.
jamie vernon
It's got like a...
shane gillis
It's so good.
jamie vernon
It's way more popular now than it was...
joe rogan
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, I read an article about that.
Why are so many men into Master and Commander?
I thought it was a video game.
shane gillis
What did they say?
Is this guy gay?
unidentified
Uh-uh.
shane gillis
Alright.
joe rogan
I don't read articles.
I read headlines.
That's what I read.
And then I form my own opinions.
Yeah, of course.
There's a study out, bro.
You don't even know about that study.
shane gillis
I hate studies.
joe rogan
It says more men like Master and Commander than like anime.
shane gillis
That's good.
That's a nice thing.
That would be good.
joe rogan
Just kidding with the study.
But it's why they like it.
shane gillis
Master Commander's good.
joe rogan
Is it?
shane gillis
Yeah.
Look at this, dude.
That's fun.
Guys on boats.
Boys on boats, dude.
You get to grab the boys when they're sleeping.
You go, don't tell anyone about this, mate.
joe rogan
How weird is it that they're using a sextant in a cloudy day?
How are they doing that?
Isn't a sextant based off the stars?
Isn't that what it works?
shane gillis
I have no idea.
joe rogan
I don't know what the fuck they did.
Those things those kids are looking through, which this is really wild, that was how they would navigate.
Imagine the crude tool that they were using to float around in the fucking ocean, and they would do it somehow or another through the stars.
shane gillis
That book, the first thing I ever talked to you about was Cabeza de Vaca.
joe rogan
Yes!
shane gillis
And they were like, the guy they hired to do the navigating, like, fucked up.
Yeah.
Hardcore.
They had no idea.
He had to be like, no, I know where we're going.
joe rogan
How accurate are those sextants?
shane gillis
I think if you're off, especially going from Spain, if you're off, like, a little, you're fucked.
jamie vernon
It looks like we have an updated version now.
joe rogan
Does it have, like, computers on it and shit?
Same thing?
jamie vernon
Better scope, maybe.
joe rogan
It looks dope.
That looks way better.
unidentified
So how does it work? - There's a description.
joe rogan
- The estimation of, okay.
A sextant is a doubly reflecting navigation instrument that measures the angular distance between two visible objects.
The primary use of a sextant is to measure the angle between an astronomical object and the horizon for the purpose of celestial navigation.
So the estimation of this angle, the altitude, is known as sighting or shooting the object or taking a sight.
The angle and the time when it was measured can be used to calculate a position line on a nautical or aeronautical chart For example sighting the Sun at noon or Polaris at night in the northern hemisphere To estimate latitude with slight reduction with sight reduction rather citing the height of the blah blah blah blah blah blah I'm gonna keep it's I don't understand any of it.
Um It seems like they're using dots in the sky.
So one of them would be the sun, one of them would be the moon.
Yeah.
Because they're calculating the angles of how far the things are away from each other and where the stars are, you can kind of figure out where you are in the ocean.
Somehow.
I'm not sure I understand it.
But now they just use GPS, which is way better.
unidentified
Yeah.
joe rogan
Imagine back then when they just didn't know where they were and they thought they were in India.
You know?
jamie vernon
It's a moving GIF. I can't control it, but it's showing how it works.
joe rogan
Mmm.
You read the angle.
shane gillis
I'm not going to figure this out right now.
joe rogan
Yeah, we're too dumb for this.
We're too dumb.
But it's amazing that they used those to travel all around the world.
Like, they trusted those things and the way you would figure it out through that.
shane gillis
Yeah, if you were off, you're dead.
joe rogan
Yeah, not good.
You're dead.
And you might have scurvy anyway.
shane gillis
Yeah.
joe rogan
What, are you eating beef jerky every day?
shane gillis
Yeah.
You hit no wind.
You're just on flat sea.
joe rogan
They're all sick.
They would get sick.
shane gillis
Yeah, there's mutinies constantly.
You'd be like, this guy's going to fucking get us killed.
joe rogan
Mm-hmm.
And the storms were completely unpredictable.
You had no idea when a storm was coming.
Zero idea.
shane gillis
That conveys a divaca story.
I kind of forget it, but...
joe rogan
It's amazing.
shane gillis
So they...
I think they were in Cuba, Hispaniola, and they left and they tried to...
They landed in, like, Tampa.
joe rogan
Mm-hmm.
shane gillis
And they were like, half of the party go get on a sailboat or meet us at the harbor.
There's a harbor up this coastline.
And they're like, alright, we'll just, half the party's gonna walk, half the party's gonna take the boat.
And there was no harbor.
They had to walk from Tampa to Mexico City.
Three of them made it.
They all got killed.
Yeah, pretty fun.
jamie vernon
They had to survive waves like this back then, too, yes?
joe rogan
Yep, 100%.
shane gillis
But they could not.
joe rogan
But they didn't.
They went under.
I mean, that's why those boats sank.
There's so many of those pirate ships.
And how about the Roman ships they find that sank with, like, a fucking billion dollars with gold in them?
shane gillis
Spanish.
Oh, my God.
Spanish coming back from the New World.
joe rogan
There's probably a bunch of those out there.
Those guys that find, like, hidden treasure or sunken treasure.
shane gillis
Pretty cool.
joe rogan
That's a wild thing, man.
Can you imagine if you're a guy who's invested all this money, got all this stress, you got a team of divers.
It's basically like a CBS drama show.
You got a team of divers and they finally find it.
And now you got to protect it from pirates.
shane gillis
Now you got to kill those guys that were on the dive with you.
Oh, I bet that happens a lot.
We just found a trillion dollars.
joe rogan
I bet that happens a lot, right?
I bet guys kill each other.
shane gillis
Probably.
unidentified
Yeah.
jamie vernon
There's a story I know.
I think I told you about it one time before.
This guy, he did exactly what you're talking about.
He found the gold.
He got an investment.
His name's Tommy Thompson.
I think there's a documentary about him.
He then lost the gold.
In quotes.
Lost it.
Didn't know where he put it.
shane gillis
He's been in jail.
Look at that pirate, dude.
jamie vernon
Held under contempt because he owes the people who invested in him the money.
He's just like, I don't know where it is.
I can't remember where I put it.
And so the judge is just holding him.
joe rogan
How long can he hold him?
jamie vernon
He's been in jail for like 20 years, I think.
joe rogan
Really?
jamie vernon
Yeah.
shane gillis
For $4 million?
jamie vernon
It's at least $4 million, I think, is the problem.
He might have found a lot, and he just didn't tell everybody he found.
joe rogan
So he's been in jail for how long?
jamie vernon
Let me see if I can...
joe rogan
Yeah, let's find it.
jamie vernon
I believe it's more than 10 years.
I think it's been going on for a while.
joe rogan
Well, he looks so much older than he did when he got arrested.
shane gillis
That's pretty neat.
jamie vernon
Yeah, see, it started back in like the 90s.
joe rogan
Oh my god.
jamie vernon
He discovered it in like 89 and then went back.
People have been talking about it for a while, but I think he's, as far as I know, still being held.
shane gillis
What a fucking idiot.
joe rogan
Well, not only that, where's the gold and how does he know it's going to be there when he gets out?
He's been in jail for 20 years.
shane gillis
Could be some other treasure hunters.
joe rogan
Yeah.
jamie vernon
I think his kids may have known about it, but they're like, we don't know where it is either.
The story went on forever.
It's pretty neat.
I think it's from Columbus, Ohio.
That's kind of why I know about it.
I think someone I know knew him or knows the family or something.
shane gillis
Columbus, Ohio treasure hunters?
jamie vernon
Yeah, he's just from there.
shane gillis
Anyway, let's take a look at this shit hoarder.
You ready?
joe rogan
Am I ready?
shane gillis
No one's ready.
joe rogan
Never?
shane gillis
I'm the only one I think who thinks this is hilarious.
joe rogan
Okay.
How will we blur this out?
jamie vernon
I think I'm just going to not show it, because it's known as the worst story on hers.
joe rogan
Don't show it.
Don't show it.
Just show Shane's face.
shane gillis
This lady's stick.
jamie vernon
Show your reactions.
shane gillis
Shitting in bottles.
joe rogan
Oh, boy.
shane gillis
For a decade.
joe rogan
Oh, my God.
That's her?
shane gillis
Here's the best part.
joe rogan
Is that her?
That's the lady?
Oh, my God.
There's shit everywhere.
shane gillis
Dude.
That's her shit bucket.
Watch, watch, watch.
That's her shit bucket.
And then she's like, sometimes it gets too heavy so I have to transfer buckets.
joe rogan
Christ, bro.
I can't do this.
I can't do this.
Oh my god, dude.
Shut the fuck up.
shane gillis
She lives in a shit house.
Full shit house.
joe rogan
That's so insane.
shane gillis
Look at that shit everywhere, dude.
joe rogan
Oh my god, I'm gonna throw up.
Look at her shit bucket.
I can't look.
shane gillis
You have to look.
Look at her eating soup, dude.
joe rogan
Jesus Christ.
shane gillis
What a pile of shit, dude.
joe rogan
What the fuck, man?
shane gillis
So this is the interview here.
She goes, I can't be the worst whore you've ever seen.
joe rogan
Look at this sign.
It says, I am okay.
unidentified
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
joe rogan
What are you...
Yeah, this is the problem when you let kids think that they're okay.
unidentified
I guess so, because I thought it was due to the mold and dust.
You have to tell me this, because I... You don't know.
I mean, some people would argue, how do you not know that feces in the house is bad?
But wait, I don't smell it anymore.
It's like extremely dangerous.
joe rogan
Okay, okay.
Stop, stop, stop, stop.
I will fucking throw up.
shane gillis
Dude, she's so matter-of-fact the entire time.
Like, the entire time people are like...
She's like, yeah, there's mold in the walls.
That's why it smells like that.
And they're like, are you sure it's not the bottles of feces and urine everywhere?
And she's like, what?
No, that can't be it.
Like, no, that's definitely it.
She's like, well, that's news to me.
joe rogan
Imagine if this was fake.
And then they conned us.
And that's like chocolate milk and fucking toilet paper.
shane gillis
They didn't fake this.
You can tell this lady's gone.
joe rogan
Maybe she's like a really good actress.
I used to put poop in a jug.
Okay.
Okay.
shane gillis
Dude, so at the very end, this is the best part.
So at the very end, they're like, we're going to have to go in there and clear out all the stuff in there.
So all her food's contaminated.
She doesn't have a refrigerator.
She just has bread on the ground that's covered in mold.
At one point, they're like, you can't eat that moldy bread.
She's like, I'm going to take the fucking mold off.
Obviously.
They're like, alright.
joe rogan
You just poop everywhere?
shane gillis
Shit everywhere, dude.
joe rogan
What do you think her digestive tract is like?
shane gillis
She's eating progressive soup, dude.
joe rogan
With shit in it.
shane gillis
She's eating nothing but soup.
joe rogan
Because you get a certain amount of shit on your hands anyway.
shane gillis
And diarrhea into bottles, dude.
joe rogan
Yeah.
You know when they swab things, they find human fecal matter on things all the time?
Like doorknobs and stuff.
So if you eat a chip after you touch a doorknob, there's some fecal matter probably that gets in there.
shane gillis
This lady's eating.
Alright, so at the very end, they're like, we gotta go in there, and she's like, hold on.
Let me get one more night.
I'm gonna go ahead back in there and eat some contaminated food.
And they're like, and then she goes, and then the party's over.
They're like, you mean a party?
You think it's a party to eat contaminated food?
She's like, what do you guys fucking care?
I've been in there eating poop for 12 years.
She's like, Hold on, we get to that part at the very end.
The dude, like, she says it, she goes, what do you care?
I've been eating poop for 12 years.
As soon as he says it, he goes, oh.
Like, just watching a dude get defeated by a lady.
I'm trying to explain this properly.
The music, they play dramatic music.
She goes, what do you guys fucking care?
And he goes, he looks at her, she goes, I've been in there eating poop for 12 years.
And he goes, oh.
She takes the guy's soul, dude.
Hold on, shit.
It's not a fight.
It's towards the very end.
They're giving her basically the intervention.
It's two people outside.
It's a lady and a guy.
joe rogan
Imagine your brain.
shane gillis
Yes, yes.
I'm gonna go ahead back in there.
Watch.
unidentified
It's gonna be hard, but I'm gonna give up some stuff.
shane gillis
This guy.
unidentified
I'm going to go ahead and eat some of the contaminated food, and then the party's over.
Because I have to get it.
I understand that.
Because when somebody goes on intervention, they want to get high one last time.
The party ends for me tomorrow.
How is eating contaminated food a party?
Why the does it matter?
I've been eating poop for 12 years.
shane gillis
See, no one else thinks it's funny.
unidentified
No one else thinks it's funny.
joe rogan
I don't think it's fake, but I've been fooled before.
shane gillis
True.
That's how it works.
joe rogan
It seems like if you're, unless she's wearing prosthetics, it seems like she's suffering the effects of her poor diet.
The inflammation in her face from poop eating.
shane gillis
At the end, they bulldozed the house and put her in an assisted living home.
It sounded like a happy ending of Hoarders.
jamie vernon
They said the house was beyond contaminated.
shane gillis
The city had to get involved and destroy the land.
They just salt the earth.
joe rogan
That's so insane.
shane gillis
It's pretty fun, though.
Just a lady and her mom shitting in a bucket.
joe rogan
Before that, what was the worst one?
The lady who eats toilet paper?
Remember that lady?
Did you ever see the lady who eats toilet paper?
shane gillis
That was my sick addiction or whatever.
joe rogan
Is that what it was?
shane gillis
It's one of those.
I never even watched it.
I never watched Hoarders.
joe rogan
Yeah, she was just chewing up toilet paper, and she said it was addictive.
shane gillis
No, there was a lady, the second worst hoarders is a lady who had like 90 dead cats in her house.
joe rogan
Oh, God.
shane gillis
And she was saving them.
joe rogan
Oh, my God.
shane gillis
She was putting them in the fridge.
She was like, I don't want to say goodbye to these guys.
joe rogan
Oh, my God.
shane gillis
She takes him out.
She takes him out for the camera.
Their eyes are deteriorated.
She's got a...
It's so fucking funny.
joe rogan
Oh no!
Don't show me this!
Come on, man.
shane gillis
Oh, rat collection.
Dude, rat collection.
Watch this guy at the beginning.
He goes...
Oh boy.
He's like, yeah, people try to talk about it, but until you tried it for yourself or something like that.
joe rogan
What?
shane gillis
Don't knock it until you try it.
He has a million rats.
unidentified
What the fuck?
joe rogan
Whoa.
Well, you know there's like a temple in India where rats are.
Have you ever seen that rat temple in India?
unidentified
No.
joe rogan
Oh dude, this is wild.
So this is a temple in India and these rats all hang out with everyone.
They eat with you.
They like leave the rats.
They put milk out for them.
The rats are all drinking milk.
They all like share.
shane gillis
Yeah.
joe rogan
It's the weirdest thing.
It's like a temple filled with rats.
So, as these people are all praying, like, dude, rats are everywhere.
Everywhere.
But they're not treated poorly.
shane gillis
Well, they got this wrong.
joe rogan
But it's really weird, man, because this is like, look, the rats just, like, eat their food.
And it's this beautiful temple.
Let's see what this guy, does the guy have an explanation?
shane gillis
No.
joe rogan
Let's see what he says.
When they die, they're born as rats.
unidentified
When a rat dies, it's born as us humans.
That might seem preposterous to many in the West.
joe rogan
So they're just chilling.
jamie vernon
They think that they die and become a rat.
Yeah.
joe rogan
But they've managed to create an environment where they live with rats.
unidentified
Yeah.
shane gillis
Well, there's going to be a new fucking plague if these guys keep doing this.
joe rogan
Or not.
shane gillis
They better knock it off.
joe rogan
Seems like it's working fine.
Maybe that's how you avoid a plague.
shane gillis
I bet these dudes get viciously ill constantly.
joe rogan
Imagine the diarrhea they get.
Bro, Indian food and rat shit.
shane gillis
You hang on rats all day.
joe rogan
They're shitting all over the place.
shane gillis
That's the thing.
joe rogan
It's like, oh, it's peaceful.
No, it's rat shit.
You 100% get rat shit everywhere.
shane gillis
But what if they're right, dude?
What if you and me wake up?
Rat.
You're a rat, dude.
Thankfully some guy's giving you milk.
joe rogan
Do you know some animals have a communal toilet?
shane gillis
No.
joe rogan
Yeah, there's an animal called a neil guy that we hunted in South Texas.
shane gillis
There's an animal called a neil guy?
joe rogan
Yeah, a neil guy.
It's this Indian antelope, really cool-looking Indian antelope.
They have communal shit piles.
Like, you stumble upon a giant pile of animal shit.
shane gillis
That's pretty cool.
joe rogan
Because one of them shits in there, and the other one shits on the pile.
They shit on each other's shit, and they just stack it up.
They, like, shit in one area.
Like a toilet.
shane gillis
Yeah, that's, I mean...
joe rogan
Wild.
shane gillis
It's like a very good evolutionary...
jamie vernon
Rhinos do it too?
joe rogan
Rhinos?
Elephants?
Some deer it says?
Antelopes?
Horses?
shane gillis
Raccoons?
joe rogan
What's that other one?
Badgers?
Dicknodonts?
What the fuck is that?
The fuck's a dicknodont?
What is a dicknodont?
jamie vernon
What is that word?
shane gillis
Dicey?
Dicey?
joe rogan
Oh, some sort of ancient animal.
Okay.
So they used to shit in a pile too?
shane gillis
I didn't know raccoons did it.
It's pretty exciting.
joe rogan
Yeah.
shane gillis
I like those guys.
joe rogan
Raccoons are cool.
shane gillis
Yeah, I like raccoons.
unidentified
Yeah.
shane gillis
I like all the animals that survive with humans.
joe rogan
Did you ever see the video that I put on my Instagram of the raccoon moving through the rafters?
shane gillis
No.
joe rogan
Oh, dude.
He's doing this, like Mission Impossible style, in the rafters.
shane gillis
They're so funny.
joe rogan
Like, easily.
shane gillis
Yeah.
joe rogan
See if you can find that, Jamie.
It's because, like, watch how he's doing it.
Look.
Look at this.
Look at this.
Isn't that wild?
I mean, he's easily just moving around, just letting his dick hang out, crawling his way across the ceiling, like with zero effort.
shane gillis
Respect.
joe rogan
Respect?
shane gillis
Raccoons are the shit.
unidentified
They're the shit!
Raccoons rule.
joe rogan
That fucking animal's cool as fuck, man.
shane gillis
Yeah, raccoons are great.
joe rogan
Come on, man.
It's dope having raccoons around.
shane gillis
Yeah.
joe rogan
Because they're not real dangerous.
unidentified
No.
joe rogan
They'll eat your chickens and shit like that, but whatever.
shane gillis
Oh, they eat chickens?
joe rogan
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know who eats chickens?
Skunks.
shane gillis
I like skunks, too.
joe rogan
Skunks are predators.
shane gillis
I like skunks.
joe rogan
I never knew skunks were predators.
shane gillis
That makes sense.
joe rogan
Totally makes sense.
Like what else would they be?
shane gillis
A little badger looking.
joe rogan
A little fucking weaselly looking.
shane gillis
I like the animal like crows, raccoons, pigeons.
I don't really like pigeons, but I like any animal that flourishes when humans do well.
joe rogan
Yeah, well crows are so goddamn smart.
shane gillis
Possums.
I like possums.
joe rogan
Possums are cool.
shane gillis
Possums are cool.
Crows?
joe rogan
Crows are better.
shane gillis
I like crows.
joe rogan
Crows over possums?
I'd take crows.
shane gillis
Crows are- Yeah, I like that they're smart.
joe rogan
They're really smart.
You've seen those little things where they do, they make them like figure out tools.
unidentified
Yeah.
joe rogan
And they figure out- They figure it out right away.
If they can't drink the water, they can drop rocks in there until the water level rises.
That's very intelligent.
shane gillis
And then that story of those students that captured a bunch of crows.
You ever hear that one?
joe rogan
What's that one?
shane gillis
There's a bunch of students that, as a science experiment, captured a bunch of crows.
And then any time for the rest of the year, the crows would bother them.
Oh, wow.
Other crows knew about it and would bother these people.
joe rogan
Oh, wow.
shane gillis
All day.
They'd walk on campus.
Crows would be following them and yelling at them.
unidentified
Wow.
Yeah.
shane gillis
Right?
Help.
unidentified
Wow.
Yeah.
shane gillis
And I think, I could be wrong, but I think they went back for a reunion and the crows were still bothering them.
unidentified
Whoa.
shane gillis
Yeah.
joe rogan
How is that?
shane gillis
I could just be wrong.
So there's that.
unidentified
There's definitely that.
shane gillis
There's the real possibility.
joe rogan
But I was thinking about it, like, how could they possibly, because how long do they live?
So if they went back for the reunion, how many years are we talking about?
shane gillis
I couldn't even guess how old a fucking crow gets.
I bet those fuckers get old, dude.
Well, parrots get real old, right?
I bet crows get to 20. You think so?
That's strong.
joe rogan
A wild crow?
unidentified
Hmm.
joe rogan
What does it say?
Five years ago, zoologist John Mars Luff and his research team at the University of Washington trapped, banned, and released 7 to 15 American...
What was it?
7 or 15?
What does that mean?
7 to 15?
Like, they don't remember?
American crows at five different sites near Seattle.
Before trapping the birds, the researchers donned different rubber masks specific to each site.
A caveman face, for example.
While the birds were caged, nearby crows circled the site and sounded alarm calls.
The team then tested the crows' reactions to the masks.
Over the first two weeks, about 26% of the crows that the researchers encountered scolded with a harsh, repeated caw accompanied by wing and tail flicking the masked enemies.
Groups of crows would sometimes mob the researchers as well, squawking and dive bombing them.
When the researchers wore different neutral masks, the crows normally did not react, suggesting that the tagged birds, as well as the birds that watched the tagging, remembered the dangerous humans.
unidentified
Wow.
joe rogan
That makes sense, man.
Well, this is what's weird, though.
shane gillis
How did the crows get?
joe rogan
Over time, more crows joined in on scolding the masked researchers.
In a little more than a year, over 30% of the encountered crows reacted, and by three years, about 66% did.
The percentage has continued to increase.
Interestingly, the crows did not need repeated reminders of their enemies.
They hadn't seen me for a year with the mask on, and when I walked out of the office, they immediately scolded me.
Wow, so I wonder if they're teaching the other crows.
shane gillis
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
joe rogan
Oh, it turns out that if young crows born after the trapping incidents saw their parents scolding the researchers, they joined in.
So they just trusted their friend.
Like, hey, that guy's a douchebag.
Fuck you, man!
shane gillis
That's all they do.
They sit up on a fucking wire.
Fuck you.
Hey!
Fuck you, dude.
joe rogan
How many movies have crows as a symbol of the devil or some demon?
unidentified
13?
joe rogan
Ghosts.
Do you remember?
We were talking about that movie the other day that they made about that Stephen King book when he was Richard Bachman.
The dark side.
We were talking about that movie.
Do you know what that movie is?
shane gillis
No.
Which one is it?
joe rogan
It was a movie where there was a guy who was a writer and he would have these seizures and he would see crows and then he would become this super duper badass who was the guy who actually wrote all of his books.
shane gillis
Oh, okay.
joe rogan
So he had some sort of Brain malfunction that led him to have a split personality but the other guy was like a real guy and I think maybe like it turned out he was like some dead bad guy who I don't remember but it was they turn into a movie but it's crows it's always crows yeah those fucking blackbirds that are staring at you they're smart yeah they're funny dude the dark half that's what it is the dark half not the dark side He's got a real dark half
shane gillis
on Twitter, that guy.
joe rogan
Oh boy.
shane gillis
What a dork he turned out to be.
What a fucking dork, dude.
joe rogan
Someone take Twitter away from Stephen King.
shane gillis
Yeah.
joe rogan
It's just like he gets so political about stuff.
shane gillis
Did he do The Shining?
joe rogan
Mm-hmm.
shane gillis
Yeah, he rules.
joe rogan
Oh, he wrote The Shining.
shane gillis
He rules.
joe rogan
The book is even more intense than the movie.
He didn't like the movie, which is crazy.
shane gillis
I read The Stand.
The Stand was awesome.
joe rogan
The Stand's a long-ass book.
shane gillis
He rules.
Yeah, I was quitting West Point.
I had a week to kill.
joe rogan
I used to read his books when I was on the train.
In my Taekwondo days, that's what I would read most of the time when I was on my way into town.
I would read Pet Sematary, Cujo.
He said he didn't even remember writing Cujo.
He just blacked out on coke and beer.
unidentified
What?
joe rogan
Yeah.
shane gillis
Oh, Stephen King rules.
joe rogan
Dude, rules.
shane gillis
He got fucked up and wrote Cujo?
joe rogan
Oh my god.
He got fucked up and wrote everything.
unidentified
What if St. Bernard fucked up a family?
joe rogan
He got clean.
He's still an amazing writer, but the early stuff when he was Wildin', you know, the early stuff.
shane gillis
Kudrow fucked me up.
joe rogan
Did you ever read Tommyknockers?
shane gillis
No.
joe rogan
Tommyknockers is a good one.
shane gillis
What's happened?
joe rogan
Tommyknockers is about they uncover like a spaceship that crashed into the earth like a long time ago and it starts affecting people in the town.
They turned it into a movie at one point in time.
unidentified
Yeah.
joe rogan
The movie was cool but the book is fun.
shane gillis
Cujo was the first horror movie I ever saw.
And I was at my aunt's house, and she let us watch it.
And then on the way home from our Christmas party, our car broke down.
We were in front of a farm, and a dog started barking.
And I was like, Cujo's coming.
He's going to kill us.
And my mom was like, who let Shane watch Cujo?
unidentified
And my aunt was hammered and was like, I let him watch Cujo.
shane gillis
We watched Cujo.
Yeah.
joe rogan
Yeah, that scared the fuck.
shane gillis
That was the first scary movie I ever saw.
joe rogan
Oh my god, remember that?
But he was just lit through the entire time he wrote that book.
Just lit.
shane gillis
He was Cujo.
joe rogan
He was going hard.
shane gillis
Bottom right Cujo.
Dude, that was him on Coke.
joe rogan
You know, when you think about some of the chaos of his books and the amazing creativity that he had, some of the really ruthless shit in Pet Sematary, where you're like, whoa.
When you read it and you hit the page, you just go, fuck.
Like, that guy was wild.
shane gillis
Yeah.
joe rogan
And now he's like, go Kamala Harris.
shane gillis
Yeah, what the fuck, dude?
They killed him, dude.
They got to him.
That's MKUltra.
You can't do that.
joe rogan
I think it's getting old.
shane gillis
You can't go from being cool to being like, Kamala Harris is looking badass today.
joe rogan
I think something happens when guys get old.
shane gillis
Yeah, you get old.
joe rogan
Yeah, and they get tired.
shane gillis
Problem is, is like...
When you get old and you become like a kick-ass Democrat, dude, that sucks.
I love to see...
Dude, I know this is not the best take.
I love to see an old man that's like a die-hard Republican.
unidentified
Like further right than the Republicans.
shane gillis
That's what I like, dude.
I see a guy drinking a beer going, what the fuck is this?
joe rogan
Yeah.
shane gillis
I don't want to...
You know?
unidentified
Well...
shane gillis
I don't know if that's the...
joe rogan
I know a lot of people that are diehard Democrats that are very good people.
shane gillis
Yeah, of course.
They're probably better people.
joe rogan
I also know ones that are just lost.
They're just lost in this ridiculous tribe...
And they won't ever criticize what's going- They won't realize it's a giant con game.
The whole thing's a giant con game.
And you pretending that your side is better than the other side- Yeah, that's the hardest part.
It's fucking stupid.
The whole thing is run by money.
The whole thing.
Every fucking step of the way.
And to pretend that this one side is the, if they don't get in, democracy's gonna fail.
The whole thing's bought and paid for.
The whole show is produced, bought, and paid for by giant corporations.
The checks and balances of our Constitution Bill of Rights is the only thing that's keeping it from just being fully captured and us becoming just a complete corporate state.
shane gillis
I think...
I hope it hasn't gone past the point of no return.
joe rogan
The scary thing is...
shane gillis
The lobbyists and shit, yeah.
joe rogan
Everybody knows that, like, money in politics is not good.
Like, if you had to, like, logically look at a system and say, what would be the best way for it to represent most of the people in the best way possible for everybody?
shane gillis
What if we were running it like a company?
joe rogan
Nobody would say, this is what we'd do.
Have the people who have the most money...
Spend that money on those candidates.
Those candidates basically work for them, and they do the thing for the people with the most money instead of for everybody.
Everybody would go, no, that's terrible.
That's what we're doing.
That's going to limit growth for the underclass or the lower income wage classes.
It's one of those things.
If you look at the way money influences all the decisions that get made in this country, it's not anything that anybody would, if they didn't have a stake in the game and they were trying to make a fair system, it's not anything that anybody would ever draft up.
You wouldn't say, the corporations can just donate, fuck tons of money, and you can also, when the politicians get out of office, you're allowed to pay them hundreds of thousands of dollars to give speeches.
It's a con game.
It's a con game.
They just found a loophole, you know?
shane gillis
Yeah, it's very disheartening.
joe rogan
It's weird because it's so embedded.
It's so embedded.
You know, it's like to untangle that, to Bernie Sanders, the whole thing, to figure out a way to, like, someone to come along that abandons it and tries to make a better system.
Until you take money out of it, you're not going to be able to do it.
But no one's going to take money out of it because now it's like a thing.
shane gillis
They're making too much money.
joe rogan
They're making too much money.
shane gillis
The guys who decide to let money into it or not into it are making money.
joe rogan
Yeah.
I think the only way that it ever changes is if less people are willing to do evil shit just for money.
shane gillis
Well...
joe rogan
When you're in a corporation...
shane gillis
That's never gonna happen.
joe rogan
That's right.
shane gillis
It's never gonna happen.
joe rogan
I mean, instead of coming in on a Viking boat with a battle axe, now they're just...
shane gillis
You don't have to do that anymore.
joe rogan
...making banks crash.
shane gillis
Yeah.
Maybe it was better with the Vikings.
unidentified
Maybe.
shane gillis
It was just a giant jack dude comes, you know, like, fuck, there he is.
joe rogan
There's a lot more accountability.
shane gillis
Yeah.
There he is, that motherfucker.
unidentified
He's gonna fucking kill all of us.
shane gillis
Now you don't even know.
It's just some dork.
joe rogan
I really wonder...
I really wonder where the human society is going.
I really do.
I think about it all the time.
Because I think we're about just an invention or two away from being fucked.
We were all at the bar last night and Dave Chappelle was talking about how he met Steve Jobs and Steve Jobs had the very first iPhone.
He had it on him.
He had the very first iPhone.
And Dave was joking like, I should have taken that thing.
unidentified
I should have killed that motherfucker because he's about to destroy the world.
joe rogan
We were all laughing, but it's true.
It's like that very first iPhone changed everything from that moment on.
And what else is going to happen like that?
What else is going to happen like social media?
It's not like this is it.
You've got to really look at it in terms of what giant leaps have already taken place.
This is chat GPT-4 that just got out that beats 90% of the lawyers that are trying to pass the bar?
It beats their scores?
90% of them?
Like that.
It's way smarter than people already.
shane gillis
I have no...
joe rogan
It's way smarter than people, and we're letting it turn on.
We're, like, literally letting it operate.
And we're on four now, and then it's gonna go to five, and then around seven it's gonna shut the electricity off and start telling us what to do.
Like, this isn't gonna happen!
Like, what the fuck are we doing?
One day it's gonna say, hey, you fucking idiots, pulling all the tuna out of the ocean and throwing your straws away.
Like, you fucking idiots have ruined everything.
We're gonna tell you what to do now.
You make too much of a mess.
You're little children.
shane gillis
I don't think the computers are gonna be environmentalists.
joe rogan
I think they're gonna worry about the system.
shane gillis
It's not an environmental system.
joe rogan
It's not just an environmental issue.
It's a biological issue.
The plastics affect so many hormones in so many animals.
It's fucking animals up, all these plastics.
shane gillis
Really?
joe rogan
Oh, bad.
There's a great book about it called Countdown by Dr. Shanna Swan, and she was on the podcast before.
shane gillis
A lot of books are doomsdays.
Yeah, but this is—she's a Harvard— I'm not saying she's wrong.
joe rogan
I'm just saying every fucking— But this isn't a doomsday thing.
unidentified
All right.
joe rogan
This is what she's saying.
She's saying there's phthalates in plastics.
shane gillis
Oh, this lady was talking about your gooch gets smaller?
joe rogan
Exactly.
Exactly.
shane gillis
I checked my gooch after that.
joe rogan
Did you check it?
shane gillis
Goddamn, that's a big gooch, dude.
joe rogan
Nice, big, meaty, American male gooch.
shane gillis
Thick gooch.
joe rogan
She said that over the past 50 years.
Since the advent of petrochemical products, whenever that was, men's testosterone has dropped by 50%.
shane gillis
Yeah, but I heard our dicks got bigger.
joe rogan
I heard that recently.
I was confused, but our balls are shrinking.
And our taints are shrinking.
shane gillis
Let's go.
joe rogan
I can't believe that, but that's like conflicting information, whether or not the dick got bigger.
shane gillis
If the dick's getting bigger, I think men will go, deal.
joe rogan
Speaking of dick getting bigger, I gotta piss again.
shane gillis
Alright, damn it.
Nice.
joe rogan
Nice.
shane gillis
I would live there.
I would live in that neighborhood.
joe rogan
Yeah?
It's a great town.
shane gillis
I hate to admit it.
joe rogan
Great town.
It's a lot of fun here.
shane gillis
It's a good town, man.
joe rogan
We're having a good time.
And we got more to come.
shane gillis
That club, bro.
joe rogan
Wild, right?
shane gillis
That was fun.
joe rogan
Yeah.
The universe wanted that club to be made.
It made itself.
All the pieces just sort of fell into place in terms of getting the right employees, in terms of having the right location.
It all just played out perfectly with COVID, the lockdowns moving here.
It opened up all these doors.
shane gillis
Everyone's friendly.
joe rogan
Everyone's so nice.
shane gillis
Yeah, you're right.
You got the, you got the, uh, you're very good at the team mentality versus the, you know, what is it?
Famine?
joe rogan
Yeah.
Yeah.
shane gillis
I don't know how the fuck it is.
joe rogan
Yeah.
shane gillis
Look.
joe rogan
People have a famine mentality.
shane gillis
Yeah.
joe rogan
It's very, very dangerous.
Bad for everybody.
Because that shit comes true, too, if you have a famine mentality.
You can just decide there's a limited amount of spots.
shane gillis
Yeah, you start to resent, you resent people, you resent friends.
joe rogan
Mm-hmm.
Happens a lot with, like, narcissists and, you know, every comedian is a narcissist in some way.
Yeah.
But it happens a lot with people.
There's people amongst us that, like, really don't care about anyone but themselves.
shane gillis
You know who's an insane narcissist that's actually very helpful is fucking Bert.
Bert was hitting us.
I was talking to him, he was like, when I die, I want the world to end.
And I was like, dude, that's crazy.
He was like, I don't think I'm ever going to die.
He says he doesn't think he's going to die.
joe rogan
Yeah, but you've got to understand that Bert is also kind of doing a Theo Vaughn.
shane gillis
Yeah, I do understand that.
joe rogan
He does a Bert Kreischer, Theo Vaughn type thing.
shane gillis
But Bert's also one of the most helpful people in comics.
joe rogan
I should explain to people what I mean by that.
A Bert Kreischer, like Theo Vaughn, when he says ridiculous shit, you don't know if it's because he believes it or whether or not he's just joking.
That's why it's so funny.
It's uniquely funny because of that.
Because you're not really sure.
shane gillis
He was on our podcast this week, and he said that.
He kept saying dumb shit like that, and I was like, wait, for real?
joe rogan
Like the Anne Frank Helen Keller story.
shane gillis
I believe it, dude.
I've seen him.
You know him more than me, but on the road, I've seen that guy operate.
He does some dumb shit.
joe rogan
Yeah.
shane gillis
Where you're like, no.
joe rogan
Oh, he does.
But I think he's leaning into it.
shane gillis
Yeah.
joe rogan
He does a lot more of that now than when I first met him.
I think he's like when Dice Clay started putting on the leather gloves.
shane gillis
Yeah, dude.
Feeling his power.
unidentified
Yes.
Dude.
joe rogan
He's coming into his own.
shane gillis
Yeah.
You know?
But man, what a fucking guy.
Just helping.
joe rogan
He's a great guy.
shane gillis
You guys all, that LA scene.
joe rogan
Yeah.
shane gillis
You guys had a, you know...
I remember being in Philly and being like, fuck these guys.
Fucking assholes.
Now I'm with you.
Why?
These guys aren't that bad.
joe rogan
Why did you think fuck these guys?
shane gillis
Because I was fucking a fleshlight on a mattress.
So yeah, fuck everybody.
That'll make you fucking hate everybody.
I'd see anybody special.
I'd go, that sucked.
joe rogan
Yeah, it's normal.
It's normal.
shane gillis
And I get it.
People do it now.
I would do it.
joe rogan
I would do it.
shane gillis
If I was back on that mattress, I would say, fuck this.
joe rogan
100%.
Yeah.
Especially when you're young.
You know, when you're young, you're not exactly sure how to think about things.
Like, how do I feel about someone else's success?
But the thing about what the store had was a really good community.
A lot of really funny people supporting each other and hanging out with each other and making each other laugh and having a good time together.
And so you'd look forward to going on the road.
You'd do your gigs on the road on the weekend.
Then you'd come in on, like, Tuesday night was one of the best nights at the store.
You'd go in there on Tuesday night, and it would just be wall-to-wall killers.
It was like a gangster's convention of comedians, you know?
Just getting together, like, how's things?
Where'd you work in?
You do Columbus?
Which club?
Talking shit, having fun.
Let's go out back and have a drink.
shane gillis
And people, it's funny when you describe it as like killers.
unidentified
Mm-hmm.
shane gillis
Normal people are like, shut up.
But you don't understand the feeling of being backstage and the guy going before you is literally killing you.
joe rogan
Yeah, killing.
shane gillis
Like the guy in front of you is killing so hard that you're back there like...
joe rogan
Yeah.
unidentified
Oh, fuck.
joe rogan
Well, I told you that's why I started taking Joey Diaz on the road with me.
shane gillis
Yeah.
joe rogan
Because I couldn't follow him.
And so I said, okay, I got to figure out how to follow this guy.
shane gillis
That's crazy, dude.
joe rogan
I was like, he was killing so hard!
shane gillis
No, that's a crazy mentality.
joe rogan
No, no, that's the only way you'd learn how to do it.
But that's what I learned from Mitzi.
I learned that from Mitzi Shore.
Mitzi Shore, when I was coming up at the Comedy Store, always put me on after the Best Comedians.
Always.
She's just like, if you think you can do this, you think you're good?
Okay.
Well, you're gonna go after Martin Lawrence in 1995. Fuck.
Yeah, dude.
shane gillis
That's tough.
joe rogan
Oh, I hate dick.
I hate dick.
But it teaches you how to tighten your act up.
It teaches you, like, what parts of your act seem clunky.
Because, you know, sometimes you're just saying things, you're not totally attached to them anymore.
It seems clunky in front of these people who just saw Martin Lawrence.
That's what she wanted her to do.
Mitzi always did that with people.
She would just throw you on after some fucking assassin.
Sink or swim, bitch.
shane gillis
That's funny.
joe rogan
Yeah, she was crazy.
In the best way possible.
shane gillis
Yeah.
joe rogan
The fact that she even wanted to run a comedy club, but she wasn't even a comedian.
shane gillis
Yeah.
joe rogan
She's the most important figure in the history of comedy that isn't a comedian, for sure.
It's Mitzi Shore.
shane gillis
Yeah, I was never...
You guys were all gone from this before I even was able to perform in LA. So I never...
By the time I saw the store, it was a shadow of what that was.
And then it's the same thing.
Yeah.
joe rogan
Yeah.
unidentified
Well...
joe rogan
We got this.
shane gillis
We got this.
This is pretty fucking cool.
joe rogan
And we got this, and it's all ours.
It's all just the comedians and...
Adam.
The audience and Adam.
shane gillis
Love Adam.
joe rogan
Just people having fun.
shane gillis
Yeah, man.
joe rogan
And that's the intent behind it.
And so far, that's all it's been.
And, you know, this fucking one week anniversary just passed.
Like, it's been open a week.
shane gillis
Yeah.
I wanted to be down there the first week.
I was jealous.
joe rogan
It's going to be seven nights a week now.
unidentified
Yeah.
shane gillis
So you're gonna be doing shows, both rooms, seven nights a week?
joe rogan
Yeah.
shane gillis
It's gonna be wild, dude.
joe rogan
Wild.
shane gillis
You gotta get a lot of people.
joe rogan
It's a lot of people.
shane gillis
They're gonna be there.
joe rogan
A lot of people there.
shane gillis
Every show sells out in fucking 10 seconds.
joe rogan
But it's a fun fucking show, too.
unidentified
Yeah, man.
joe rogan
It's like we're giving them something really good.
Like, these fucking shows have been amazing.
Last night was insane.
shane gillis
Last night was insane.
joe rogan
So put the tickets up for Dave Chappelle.
I put them up.
I don't even say it's Dave.
shane gillis
You didn't even say it was Dave.
You're like, secret show.
joe rogan
Yeah, I said intimate show in the small room.
They get to see you and then Chappelle.
shane gillis
Yeah, it was a lot of pressure.
joe rogan
And no one knew who it was going to be.
shane gillis
That was a lot of pressure.
joe rogan
So when you said Dave Chappelle, they went nuts.
They went nuts.
shane gillis
Yeah.
joe rogan
That was fun, dude.
But you were the first guy to ever be on stage in that small room.
And that small room was a different animal.
shane gillis
Yeah, it certainly was.
unidentified
Different animal.
shane gillis
Yeah, I felt it pretty quick.
joe rogan
The numbers, man.
It's like, that's a thing about like a hundred people.
It's like fucking odd.
There's maybe a buck twenty in that room.
A lot of people were standing in the back, but that's not a lot of people.
shane gillis
No.
joe rogan
The people that are in the front, they're so close to you that it's like you're doing a joke to their face, which is real weird.
shane gillis
And you're making eye contact with a weird dude.
unidentified
Yeah.
shane gillis
I love that.
There was just a guy with long hair and a goatee staring at me.
I was like, oh, fuck.
joe rogan
But comedy like that is real weird anyway.
It's almost too intimate.
If you wanted to watch Joey Diaz do stand-up in front of you, you wouldn't just sit right in front of them and say, do stand-up.
I'd want to be in the third row or something.
shane gillis
Those people are uncomfortable.
Those people are uncomfortable.
joe rogan
Yeah, it's weird.
shane gillis
And then when you make eye contact with them, they go...
joe rogan
We're weirded out.
You're right there.
I can just grab you.
I'll just grab you.
It's weird.
shane gillis
Especially when I saw where Chappelle was sitting on the stool.
His feet were basically on the front row's table.
And there's just a dude sitting there staring directly up at Dave Chappelle.
joe rogan
You could just touch Dave's feet.
shane gillis
Yeah, you could grab him.
You could rush to the stage and tackle him.
And then get stomped by Busta Rhymes.
Chappelle, the way he does the fucking, I'm gay, motherfucker!
His voice, he was talking about it last night, about a dude being able to tackle him.
joe rogan
He's like, I'm trans, I'm gay!
shane gillis
Everything he does, man.
It's the way he talks.
He's up there, you think he's just fucking, you're like, oh man, he's rambling, he's telling a story, and then right at the fucking last second.
joe rogan
He finds it.
shane gillis
It's a callback.
He does a callback.
joe rogan
Yeah.
shane gillis
Yeah.
I try not to get, yeah, I try not to talk too philosophically about stand-up.
joe rogan
Well, it's an interesting thing how everybody does it differently, you know?
That's what's so fascinating about it to me, the styles.
Like, what makes Theo Vaughn funny?
Like, how is he doing that?
Like, what the fuck is he exactly doing?
shane gillis
I don't know what he's doing.
unidentified
You know?
joe rogan
And there's, like, Nate Bregazzi style.
Hilarious.
But it's like, what a fucking clearly his own way of doing stand-up.
shane gillis
The difference between, like, Theo and fucking Mark Norman.
joe rogan
Yeah.
shane gillis
Night and day.
joe rogan
Night and day.
shane gillis
That's crazy.
joe rogan
Night and day.
shane gillis
That's a different genre.
joe rogan
Yeah.
That's what's so cool about it.
It's just like...
And it's all up to you.
It's all in your own head.
unidentified
Damn.
shane gillis
I wish we would've got more out of that shit-horror.
joe rogan
Dude, I almost threw up.
shane gillis
That was the only thing I had to promote.
joe rogan
I hosted Fear Factor for six years and I almost threw up watching that.
shane gillis
I mean, yeah, it was a fucking freak living in a hovel, shitting in a bucket.
unidentified
Dude.
shane gillis
They did that for a while, though.
joe rogan
That was someone's baby girl.
shane gillis
Well, that lady was also collecting her shit, too.
unidentified
Oh, yeah, right.
shane gillis
She raised her.
That was a prodigy.
joe rogan
Her mom was a shit collector.
shane gillis
Her mom was a true champion who raised an absolute animal.
joe rogan
What the fuck is wrong?
shane gillis
Oh, you know, severe mental disability, and then you end up, you watch your mom shit in a bucket.
Like, I guess we shit in buckets.
There's one part.
She transfers, because the main shit bucket gets too heavy.
So she's got to transfer it into a smaller bucket.
Then she just throws it in the backyard.
It's a swamp of shit.
There's cats, dude.
unidentified
Just stray cats and shit.
shane gillis
It's crazy.
joe rogan
It's so fucking funny.
shane gillis
I think I'm wrong.
Every once in a while there's something I think is funny that no one else thinks is fucking funny, dude.
And I'm like, alright, I'm wrong.
joe rogan
I think it's funny that you're talking about it.
You're talking about it's funny.
It itself wouldn't make me laugh as much as make me vomit.
shane gillis
I was howling laughing.
unidentified
They showed her throwing a bucket of shit.
shane gillis
The camera crew goes out with night vision and there's cats.
Just darting across the street.
joe rogan
Oh my god.
shane gillis
I showed Jamie that video of that fucking dude shooting that gerbil with a rifle.
That guinea pig guy.
Maybe I didn't.
joe rogan
Jane, you're just a 15 year old boy.
shane gillis
I understand.
joe rogan
With the internet connection.
I understand.
I've never in my life seen more dick pics, seen more fucking horrible videos of people having sex with reptiles.
You have everything.
shane gillis
Me and Ian Fidance are the only two dudes on earth that think this video is funny.
And we keep sharing it with people, and they keep going, dude, what the fuck?
And I'm like, bro, it's funny.
You don't understand.
joe rogan
I think it is funny.
It's obviously funny when you're talking about it, but it makes me sad.
shane gillis
Hold on, I gotta find this.
It's just a kid.
There's a guy, I think, taking a shit.
And the CCR's playing.
joe rogan
Have you seen the one where the guy cliff dives and takes his shit in mid-air and then plunges into the water with his shit?
unidentified
Yes.
Oh my god.
shane gillis
Fire up the music, dude.
unidentified
What the fuck?
joe rogan
What did he shoot?
A pet guinea pig?
shane gillis
I need the music, dude.
unidentified
Oh, my God.
Riley!
joe rogan
Riley!
unidentified
Did he shoot the dad?
joe rogan
Yeah, but the guy was holding the fucking, look at that.
Like that kid fired a rifle in the fucking house.
From like four feet away into the ground.
Oh my god.
That's so fucked up.
shane gillis
So I'm probably gonna- nobody's gonna like this.
joe rogan
Yeah, you're not showing that on the screen, right?
No.
shane gillis
No one's gonna like it.
joe rogan
No, don't like that.
shane gillis
I don't like it.
I'm not happy the kid did it.
I think it's preposterous.
I think it's a guy screaming going, oh my god!
joe rogan
Imagine being the guinea pig.
Every day they feed you, you think I got a good spot.
They pick me up, they pet me, then one day he just decides to shoot me with a rifle.
shane gillis
Some chubby fucker hits you with a rifle.
Right.
joe rogan
It's probably not even his guinea pig.
It's probably his sister's.
shane gillis
I shouldn't have done that.
joe rogan
That's okay.
shane gillis
No, again, I've been proven right.
Nobody thinks it's funny.
joe rogan
That?
You think that's funny?
shane gillis
Dude, CCR playing?
joe rogan
Why?
shane gillis
Why?
Is that guy shitting?
And a dude executes a guinea pig while he's shitting?
joe rogan
I don't think that guy's shitting because it seems like he has his pants on.
It seems like he's just filming the kid with the gun.
shane gillis
Yeah, but he seems genuinely...
He goes, oh my god!
joe rogan
Riley!
I think he just fell back because this fucking idiot shot a rifle into a stone floor.
jamie vernon
Here's a better question.
Why is he filming before the kid opens the door?
joe rogan
Because they worked it out to do it.
jamie vernon
Well, then is it even real?
shane gillis
Obviously, yes.
joe rogan
Is it even real?
It seems pretty fucking real.
shane gillis
It seems legit.
Because that thing does fly.
joe rogan
Yeah, dude, that is legit.
And it looks like his dad fell over, or whoever's filming it fell over, and that's why his legs are like that.
shane gillis
It's a Bruder film.
joe rogan
We're breaking it down.
We're breaking it down!
He probably got hit with a ricochet.
shane gillis
Man, I'm dumb as hell.
I never even thought, why are they filming before?
This is an obvious one, yes.
joe rogan
Dad's an idiot, too.
And he talked the kid into shooting the thing with the rifle.
shane gillis
With CCR. Yeah.
jamie vernon
Well, you got that later.
You have fun with that.
shane gillis
You think that's post?
jamie vernon
That's it.
You try a few out.
joe rogan
You do that with Instagram reels.
shane gillis
I think they found the best song possible.
joe rogan
Yeah, for sure.
shane gillis
For what was happening.
That's the best song possible.
unidentified
Ooh, the red, white, and blue!
joe rogan
It's a fox of all!
unidentified
You and your dumbass camera shooting at fucking...
It ain't me!
It ain't me!
shane gillis
Alright, so I think that's where I have a tough time is relating why I think it's funny.
I don't think that on the surface is funny.
unidentified
Of course.
shane gillis
Same with the shithorder.
joe rogan
Of course.
shane gillis
I don't think it's funny.
joe rogan
You're a good person.
shane gillis
I think the concept of how tragic life is and how that got there...
Is comical.
joe rogan
I get it.
shane gillis
Like the shithorder.
joe rogan
Yeah.
No, I get it.
shane gillis
It's not funny.
Most people that see it go, whoa, why are you showing me this?
This is terrible.
joe rogan
Listen, it's funny when I'm watching it with you.
It is funny.
shane gillis
It's funny that this lady's life...
joe rogan
Look, it's two different things.
It's me watching it by myself, where it's like, oh my god, this is so sad.
Then it's me watching it with you, which is hilarious.
unidentified
What are we going to do?
joe rogan
We're going to both be sad?
The smell that must come out of her fucking house when they walk their dog by.
The dog's like...
shane gillis
Cats in the backyard.
joe rogan
What kind of bacteria is in her body?
jamie vernon
It says it's been building up for 40 years.
40 years of trash.
shane gillis
So her mom and her...
jamie vernon
There's another video put up by A&E that's a shorter version.
joe rogan
40 years of shit!
unidentified
40 years of trash.
joe rogan
Oh my god, just stop, stop.
jamie vernon
No more.
joe rogan
No more.
shane gillis
40 fucking years.
joe rogan
40 years of shitting into bags.
shane gillis
I haven't been alive that long.
People have been shitting since day one.
joe rogan
Just endless piles.
Not a big house either.
Not like a giant house where you could store it in the far right corner.
shane gillis
They're in bottles, dude.
They're putting butthole to bottle.
joe rogan
Sealing it up.
shane gillis
And like the grossest lady possible.
joe rogan
No eyebrows.
shane gillis
The grossest lady possible.
No eyebrows.
joe rogan
Contaminated starfish.
Drop it off.
shane gillis
It's funny, dude.
Ass biscuits.
I know it's funny, dude.
joe rogan
Crazy.
shane gillis
Kids shooting the guinea pig so far, no one has enjoyed it.
joe rogan
Not fun.
Isn't it interesting, though, the wide variety of people?
That you can get someone like John Carmack, the guy who was one of the coders that was working on Oculus.
That's trying to fix virtual reality.
The fat kid executing a guinea pig.
unidentified
The fat kid with a rifle at the same time.
Oh my god!
joe rogan
It's like what I'm saying about Viking behavior.
It still takes place.
You could be in the wrong part of the world and see brutal savagery right now.
shane gillis
Yeah.
Shit lady and Elon Musk.
joe rogan
You know what's really wild now is you're getting all these Russia-Ukraine war videos that you could get on people sharing them on Telegram.
shane gillis
I haven't got a hold of those.
They're rough.
joe rogan
They're rough because this is all, you know, cell phone footage and high resolution, you know, Samsung camera footage.
shane gillis
I see dudes getting, like, I see people getting, like, their apartment hit by a fucking jet.
unidentified
Yeah.
joe rogan
I saw one where they killed a guy with a sledgehammer.
shane gillis
Whoa.
unidentified
Whew.
joe rogan
Dude, they're rough.
They're filming shit and putting it online.
Yeah.
There was this one where this Russian soldier made it into this little area where these Ukrainian guys had been.
They were in like a ditch.
shane gillis
Yeah.
joe rogan
And he executed both of them.
And it's like close range, rifle shots to the head.
And you're like, what?
shane gillis
Oh, my God.
joe rogan
Riley!
unidentified
Riley!
shane gillis
Obviously, it's not funny.
It's like, whoa.
joe rogan
Anybody who thinks that There's something about the concept of war without visual confirmation of the horrors of war.
I think people...
How many people that are really left on Twitter are literally asking for us to support Ukraine in this war against Russia with more military spending?
The people on the left, which is really fascinating, right?
But I think part of this whole call to war It becomes like the thing that the other side is opposed to.
So you're going to support this thing.
unidentified
Yeah.
joe rogan
And you're going to be aligned because the good people are on this side and they're clearly aligned with that thing.
So you're going to be on that thing.
But if you could see it, if like we had to watch every day, we had to watch footage from the war.
shane gillis
Yeah, you'd say stop.
joe rogan
Yeah.
If there was a channel, I mean, because you have all these channels that are dedicated to the news.
There's plenty of footage out there that they could capture to show you the actual horrors of war.
shane gillis
I mean, yeah.
I think that's been a problem with war.
joe rogan
Yeah.
shane gillis
Forever.
Is that dudes that get out of it go, we don't need this.
We gotta stop.
This is the worst thing possible.
joe rogan
Yeah.
shane gillis
It's like fucking Red Badge of Courage in the Civil War.
They wrote a book that was like, it's not what you think it is.
It's not glory.
It's cowardice.
It's the worst thing possible.
joe rogan
It's horrible.
shane gillis
It's all evil.
joe rogan
Yeah, it's all evil.
unidentified
Fucking...
joe rogan
But don't you think that without seeing it?
Without seeing it, I don't know...
Like, that decision should be super important, right?
But yet, there's very little...
In terms of like promoting the actual violence of war in a visual form, there's very little of that available where you could just go to a channel and say, if you want to know what's going on in war, we're going to show you all the video footage that's been accumulated every day of the war in Ukraine.
So you'll be able to watch hours and hours of cell phone videos every day of people getting executed, people getting tortured, people getting killed, drone bombed, all that shit.
And then you can decide if you want to support war.
Because if you don't see that, and then you say you want to support war, what does that even mean?
Like, you're talking about some sort of term that doesn't apply to anything that's going to affect your life.
Yeah.
shane gillis
I don't know, dude.
joe rogan
It's weird, right?
shane gillis
Yeah.
This is a little off topic, but I sympathize with fucking Neville Chamberlain.
The guy that when Hitler was going wild and he was like, whatever we need to do to avoid war.
Let's placate.
So Chamberlain's considered like a...
unidentified
Coward.
shane gillis
Throughout history.
Because then Churchill came in and was like, we're gonna fucking fight.
But he was the guy, he had witnessed World War I. And he was like, we can't do this again.
If he wants to take fucking Czechoslovakia, fucking let him.
And everyone was like, this guy's a coward.
But then you kind of, you realize that guy, he was doing what he thought was right.
He didn't know there was concentration camps.
joe rogan
Right.
shane gillis
I don't know.
And this is definitely not a Nazi Germany vs.
democracies or allies war.
Who the fuck knows what this is?
joe rogan
This is a scarier war.
shane gillis
This is a weird war.
joe rogan
It's a weird one.
shane gillis
And it's not like...
I don't know.
joe rogan
It's very clear that...
unidentified
Ah, fuck.
shane gillis
That's the thing.
You drink a couple beers, you try to talk, you sound like a dickhead.
joe rogan
No, you don't sound like a dickhead.
shane gillis
I'm just saying like World War II, it was good guys vs.
bad guys.
And we were the good guys.
Russia was bad.
It was good guys and a bad guy teaming up to fight the worst guy.
This one, I have no idea.
Russia versus Ukraine.
What's going on?
This isn't a clear-cut fucking, we need to do it.
joe rogan
I don't know.
shane gillis
I genuinely don't know anything.
joe rogan
It's not good.
You know it's not good.
It doesn't When people are anxious and they're worried about war, they make very rash decisions.
Like, I remember in the 80s, everybody was really terrified of a war with Russia.
Like, it hung over our head.
I don't know if people know that.
Like, there was, during the Red Scare, during the Russia times, just like in the 1980s, everybody was constantly worried about a war with Russia.
And then when the Soviet Union collapsed, When that happened, it was like a giant weight got lifted up everyone's shoulder.
shane gillis
Now it's time for us to fight drugs.
joe rogan
Yeah, exactly.
shane gillis
Now it's time for us to go to war with drugs.
joe rogan
We went to war on drugs.
When the Soviet Union collapsed, it was the whole world took a sigh of relief.
And for a long time, we didn't worry about war again.
And now here we are.
Here we are with, like, supersonic nukes.
Like, what?
Hypersonic nukes?
shane gillis
Yeah, we can't let people do that.
joe rogan
Yeah.
But the problem is...
shane gillis
But I'm not gonna do anything.
joe rogan
If you look at what people have done throughout history, if we say, oh, we would never do that again, we're too rational now.
unidentified
We would.
shane gillis
It happens every time.
joe rogan
Throughout history...
shane gillis
World War II happened.
unidentified
Right.
shane gillis
Right after World War I. Oh, yeah.
They just witnessed what happened.
unidentified
Yeah.
shane gillis
And then those dudes sent their sons.
joe rogan
Yeah.
shane gillis
And they knew their sons were going to experience what they did, which was the worst shit of all time.
joe rogan
Yeah.
shane gillis
And they, yeah.
It's not like we're fucking above war now.
joe rogan
Dude, that time we were on Protect Our Parks and you texted your uncle about Vietnam.
shane gillis
Yeah, it was a little dark.
That was a dark one.
joe rogan
That was heavy.
shane gillis
Yeah.
joe rogan
That was heavy.
shane gillis
Yeah.
joe rogan
That war.
Imagine going to that war.
And then you realize at the end that the whole country got duped.
shane gillis
You realize it was pointless?
joe rogan
Gulf of Tonkin was a false flag.
The whole thing was ridiculous.
shane gillis
They knew it was wrong from day one.
joe rogan
How much of Vietnam do you think it had to do with heroin?
shane gillis
I don't know.
joe rogan
People make that- Not zero percent.
shane gillis
People make that argument with Afghanistan, too.
joe rogan
Yeah, not zero percent.
Well, listen, the argument about Afghanistan is ridiculous.
They shouldn't make that argument.
Because only 96% of the world's heroin comes from Afghanistan.
Why?
shane gillis
All of the heroin?
joe rogan
You mean that thing- They shouldn't make that argument.
unidentified
Yeah.
joe rogan
That's a fucking conspiracy theory.
And you're a conspiracy theorist?
shane gillis
Yeah, if you look up when Afghanistan became the world's largest exporter, it was 2002, 2003. Stop it.
joe rogan
They don't want that money.
Listen, I know our government.
I know how they operate.
The last thing they want is heroin money.
You son of a bitch.
Remember when Geraldo Rivera was interviewing the troops and the troops were guarding the poppy fields?
unidentified
Is this it?
Yeah.
joe rogan
Yeah.
Play this.
geraldo rivera
...these opium fields and we are tolerating it.
We are tolerating the cultivation of the opium because we know that if we were to destroy it now, the population would turn against the Marines and it would be a real security risk.
Let me introduce Lieutenant Colonel Brian Christmas.
He's the commanding officer of the 3rd Battalion, 6th Marines.
Really, a wonderful group of Marines here.
I know that you care deeply about this contradiction, the fact that here you have one of the best fighting forces in the world ever mounted, and in a sense, you're watching as this opium is being grown.
I know it grinds at your gut.
How do you deal with it?
What are you doing about it?
unidentified
Well, frankly, this is part of their culture.
So, while it might grind in my gut, it's what they do.
We provide them security, we're providing them resources, and we're providing them alternatives.
And the alternatives are different crops to grow.
They're getting the seed and the fertilizer to do it.
What?
shane gillis
Yo, they're gonna switch out for tomatoes.
joe rogan
They're gonna grow tomatoes.
shane gillis
They're gonna fucking love corn, dude.
joe rogan
Yeah, man.
Artichokes.
shane gillis
Yeah, we're defending the fields.
joe rogan
Yes!
shane gillis
And they're doing them.
The people are doing them.
joe rogan
With U.S. military.
The people are doing them, not us.
So taxpayer dollars.
I mean, armed and equipped guarding poppy fields that will be used to make heroin.
shane gillis
Yeah, that's going to reach its way to fuck up my family.
joe rogan
100%.
Yeah, that's where it's coming from.
And it's inside fucking stuffed animals and shit.
shane gillis
Now it's on Kensington Avenue in Philadelphia.
joe rogan
Yeah.
And this is pre-Fentanyl.
These are the pre-Fentanyl epidemic days.
But, you know...
That's fucked.
The whole thing's fucked.
If you could see how many people before and after they started making those opiate pills, you could see the before and after how many people got hooked on heroin.
I bet the numbers would be bonkers.
shane gillis
Yeah.
joe rogan
Like, the heroin market in the world is worth so much money, and most of it comes out of Afghanistan.
And we used to guard their fields, but if you make any connections, You're a conspiracy theorist.
shane gillis
Yeah, I mean, the truth is, why the fuck would we ever be in Afghanistan?
joe rogan
Listen, we were there for freedom.
I don't know what the fuck you're talking about.
shane gillis
I know, but those guys were from Saudi Arabia.
joe rogan
I know those people.
They would never make money off of heroin.
Okay?
So shut your mouth.
Fucking communist.
shane gillis
I do, yeah.
Fuck, what?
joe rogan
You know what I'm saying?
Like, if you question it, like, what are you talking about?
They make money doing everything.
You don't think they'd make money selling heroin?
Like, they made money during the whole Contras versus the Nicaraguas, the Sandinistas in Nicaragua.
shane gillis
Whatever that was.
joe rogan
They were selling crack.
shane gillis
I have no idea what that was.
joe rogan
Yeah, who knows?
It was some Ronald Reagan shit.
shane gillis
Yeah.
joe rogan
I remember I had an Oliver North for President t-shirt, though.
shane gillis
Yeah.
joe rogan
Because I knew it would piss people off.
I bought it from a dude on the street in Kenmore Square.
shane gillis
Yeah.
That tends to be my political leaning.
joe rogan
Yeah.
shane gillis
It's just whatever's going to bother people, yeah.
joe rogan
Yeah, at the time I was a kid.
jamie vernon
I was just reading something kind of interesting.
I was trying to see how much heroin has been used over time.
Yeah.
And this government website says it hasn't changed much since like 2000. Well, this is between 2002 and 2013, but the numbers didn't change a ton.
It kind of stayed the same.
So like, hmm, are poppy seeds used in other opiates, which of course it is.
Hydrocodone, for instance.
joe rogan
Yeah, that's true, right?
jamie vernon
So they use it in pharmaceuticals.
joe rogan
Yeah, I bet that's a big part of the market as well.
But also, if they're using it for pharmaceuticals, are they taking poppy seeds and converting directly to opiate pills?
jamie vernon
I just was thinking of the last season of Ozark and how they had to get involved with the cartels to keep the fucking business going.
joe rogan
I wonder how much of that was real.
jamie vernon
Unrealistic.
joe rogan
Probably not unrealistic.
Well, you had a big corporation that had like a nice shell company that they can negotiate with and not have to talk directly to the cartel.
shane gillis
Yeah, you just gotta talk to the fucking Taliban.
joe rogan
Yeah.
I mean, you're just talking about so much money.
So much fucking money in heroin.
Heroin and heroin pills.
But the United States definitely had no involvement whatsoever in the heroin trade.
It's only two countries, coincidentally, that had a large heroin market that we also had wars there.
But whatever.
shane gillis
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
joe rogan
Whatever, bro.
shane gillis
And both of them for literally no reason.
joe rogan
No reason.
shane gillis
Both.
joe rogan
Yeah.
shane gillis
For fucking zero reason.
joe rogan
Well, 9-11 wasn't zero reason, bro.
shane gillis
I know.
Don't get me fired up.
Don't hit me with patriotic takes.
joe rogan
The craziest one is the takeover of Iraq.
Which there was like zero evidence that had anything to do at all.
shane gillis
Dude, that's my favorite Chappelle sketch.
unidentified
What is it?
shane gillis
Black Bush.
unidentified
Oh.
shane gillis
Where he's like, well, I can't say the exact words, but he's like, they're like, why are you invading Iraq?
He's like, tried to kill my father.
unidentified
They're like, wait, you gotta play it.
shane gillis
But he's like, he tried to kill my father.
And then he's like, are you sure you're not trying to get oil?
And he's like, oil?
What are you talking about oil?
Bitch, what are you cooking?
Yeah, play that.
This is so good.
unidentified
That area is definitely right for regime change.
Alright.
But if I can be real about it...
Be real, son.
Real?
Be real real, son.
Try to kill my father, man.
What?
joe rogan
You play that...
Say word, he tried to kill your father, son.
unidentified
That nigga tried to kill my father!
joe rogan
It's so good, dude.
unidentified
It's so good.
joe rogan
Oh, my God.
shane gillis
Yeah.
Dude, the war in Iraq was...
joe rogan
Ridiculous.
shane gillis
I remember I watched it.
I watched it on TV. You remember that night when we opened bombing?
joe rogan
Oh yeah.
shane gillis
It was just on the news.
joe rogan
I remember.
shane gillis
We were like, here's us fucking up some other city.
joe rogan
Yeah.
Boom.
unidentified
Boom.
shane gillis
We watched it and I was like...
joe rogan
You see the tracer missiles?
unidentified
Yeah.
shane gillis
I remember being a kid and being like, this is fucking weird.
joe rogan
Yeah.
It was fucking weird.
What's really crazy is that they never showed the evidence of weapons of mass destruction that they should have had something that would let them go to war, but they never had any real evidence.
shane gillis
Hey, remember when Alex Jones got sued for a billion dollars?
joe rogan
More.
shane gillis
And then the people that killed a million people in Iraq didn't face any repercussions?
joe rogan
Crazy.
shane gillis
What a time.
joe rogan
What a time.
shane gillis
Huh?
joe rogan
Isn't that nuts?
Isn't that nuts?
shane gillis
What the heck?
joe rogan
What's the real misinformation?
shane gillis
I said, what the heck?
joe rogan
Yeah.
Also, the news media went along with it.
shane gillis
The show's got sued for a billion dollars.
joe rogan
A billion.
Like 965 million.
But there's more, too.
There's more judgments.
shane gillis
That part's funny.
See what I mean though?
The funny part is them going, a billion dollars.
What?
joe rogan
The funny part is that, but the people that said there was weapons of mass destruction, and then the people that perpetrated that lie, nothing.
shane gillis
Nothing.
joe rogan
Leads to the destruction.
shane gillis
The failing New York Times?
No repercussions.
joe rogan
Nothing.
shane gillis
Are you ready for Trump, dog, to come back?
joe rogan
Yeah.
shane gillis
I've had a couple of brewskis, dude.
It's time to talk Trump, dog.
It's time to bring up, dude, he called, who did he just call meatball?
joe rogan
Oh, Ron DeSantis.
Meatball Ron.
shane gillis
Unbelievable.
joe rogan
All Ron has to do is drop 20 pounds and that goes away.
shane gillis
He did start to lose weight.
joe rogan
Looks like it.
unidentified
He did.
joe rogan
Getting a little presidential.
shane gillis
Yeah.
Getting ready.
Because he was bordering on Christie.
joe rogan
Getting a little chib.
shane gillis
He was bordering on Christie.
joe rogan
Getting a little thick.
shane gillis
He had the makings of a Christie.
joe rogan
Yeah, but lately he looks better.
You think he's on Ozempic?
shane gillis
I hope not.
Goddamn, dude, if we have a president on fucking Ozempic.
joe rogan
I bet he's on Ozempic.
shane gillis
What do you think Biden's on, dude?
joe rogan
Everything.
Biden's got to be on wild shit, dude.
Steroids, cocaine, Adderall, antidepressants, anti-anxiety medication.
shane gillis
What do you think they're pumping him with?
joe rogan
IV drips of vitamins every day.
I think if they were smart, they would do that to him.
They would definitely give him testosterone.
Definitely give him...
Either some sort of peptides or growth hormone.
He's fucking really close to the end of the line.
shane gillis
They can't.
They cannot fuck this up this bad and run him again.
joe rogan
They will run him again if he lives.
shane gillis
They cannot, dude.
joe rogan
Who else?
Was he going to step down?
Then you'd have to admit there was something wrong.
And so then the Republicans would be like, you ran that guy for four years.
Obama.
shane gillis
They have to run it.
Obama.
joe rogan
Yeah, she could win.
She could win easily.
shane gillis
She would fucking destroy those things.
joe rogan
Destroy.
She would destroy.
But why would she want to do that again?
Like, they already have a shit ton of money.
shane gillis
Why would she want to control the earth?
What the fuck would she want to control the entire world for?
joe rogan
And get all the secrets to longevity experiments that are being done right now in the great desert.
unidentified
Yeah.
shane gillis
Brock gets to come back?
joe rogan
Yeah.
Yeah.
He gets to come back as the first man.
shane gillis
I'll tell you who doesn't want that is fucking Yemen.
They're going...
Goddamn, I hope that guy doesn't come back.
That guy that just bombed us, bombed the fuck out of us.
That's funny.
Like over here, we're all like, yeah, we did it!
Human Rights, Nobel Peace Prize.
They just bombed the shit out of Yemen.
Anyway.
joe rogan
Yeah, the international conflicts that are going on all the time that no one thinks about, it's so much so that if you had to guess, will there ever be a time where there's no war?
Ever.
Like, no war.
One day.
Ever.
Is that ever possible?
I would say no.
shane gillis
No, but...
joe rogan
I would say no.
It's not possible.
shane gillis
There is that peace phase of no major world powers.
And we're kind of running into it now with Russia, Ukraine.
But, like, the top, whatever, 50 GDP countries never fighting.
joe rogan
Yeah.
shane gillis
That's good.
joe rogan
Sorta.
shane gillis
That's the closest we can get to peace.
joe rogan
But if someone like Putin decides to use nukes, if we, like funding a proxy war through Ukraine, if he gets to this point where he realizes his losses are too high or something's too wrong, and he wants to prove a point, and he's like, I'm just gonna shoot a tactical nuke into a fucking apartment building.
I'm like, okay, what do you want to do now?
Because I might just launch these towards Chicago, you fucking cunts.
Leave me alone.
unidentified
Yeah.
joe rogan
It's just not, we're not getting a balanced story either.
There's very little discussion about what led them to do that, about NATO encroaching closer and closer to the Russian border while trying to get them to join NATO. There's very little discussion about that.
It's not that it justifies what Putin did.
It certainly doesn't.
But for whatever reason, the news wants to ignore all the steps that led to this and not say, hey, maybe you guys should stop fucking around in these countries this way.
shane gillis
Yeah, I hear you.
There's probably something.
There's probably something with fucking energy and something.
joe rogan
And also with military spending.
unidentified
Yeah.
joe rogan
I mean, when things are popping off, that's when you gotta make shit.
shane gillis
Yeah.
joe rogan
And when you make shit, you make money.
unidentified
Yeah.
joe rogan
Let's go.
shane gillis
Yeah, so JFK got his fucking head blown off.
joe rogan
Let's fucking go.
shane gillis
He's like, maybe we shouldn't send troops in there.
joe rogan
Yeah.
shane gillis
Like, are you trying to cost us a trillion dollars, dude?
joe rogan
Geraldo Rivera was the guy that showed that to the world.
shane gillis
Oh, the Zapruder.
joe rogan
Yeah.
Remember?
shane gillis
I don't, but I've seen it, yeah.
joe rogan
That video's wild.
It's Dick Gregory and Geraldo Rivera and some other cat.
shane gillis
Yeah.
And they watch the president's head blow off.
joe rogan
I know.
shane gillis
The guy's everywhere.
joe rogan
Popular comedian back then.
unidentified
Yeah.
joe rogan
That's what he was doing.
And he brings a fucking video of the Zapruder film onto a talk show.
shane gillis
He's like, hey, everybody check this shit out.
joe rogan
You get to watch Kennedy's head explode on TV.
Imagine you're at home.
Who the fuck knows what's on?
I'm looking at the TV guide, right?
Remember the TV Guide?
Were you around for TV Guides?
shane gillis
Yeah, I was.
joe rogan
Or you would get a TV Guide on the Sunday paper to tell you what all the shows are that are on.
shane gillis
Yeah.
joe rogan
And so you go, oh, okay.
Dick Gregory the Comedian is going to be on the Geraldo Rivera show.
I'm going to check it out.
I'll check it out.
And then you're watching, boom!
The president's head explodes.
Like, what the fuck?
Dude.
shane gillis
how about a heads up nope uh Yeah, that had to be, especially back then.
joe rogan
Yeah, you didn't even know what was going to be on.
shane gillis
Rodo Rivera is fire.
Dude, he's everywhere.
joe rogan
Remember the Al Capone's vault?
shane gillis
No, but then they opened it and it was nothing.
I never saw it.
joe rogan
It was like a big live on TV special.
Here we go, and they chipped through the walls.
Empty room.
shane gillis
Yeah.
joe rogan
That's it.
Well, thanks for tuning in.
shane gillis
Probably got good ratings.
Everyone's watching it.
Yeah.
Yeah, and then he went and interviewed the guys defending the opium fields.
The poppy fields.
joe rogan
Yeah, what a life that has been.
shane gillis
He's like, nice.
Good Marines you got here.
These are great Marines.
What are you guys doing?
Defending poppies?
Guarding heroin?
joe rogan
Oh, it's part of their culture.
Yep, part of their culture.
Back to you guys at the desk.
shane gillis
Well, what the fuck are we doing here?
joe rogan
Part of their culture.
Preserving heroin.
shane gillis
Yeah.
I don't know.
It's tough, because there's a part of you, like, I recognize I have no idea what's going on.
So there's a part of you that wants to just be like, fuck it, I'll just live my life.
There's nothing I can do about it.
And then there's a part where you're like, well, if you can help, try.
But I guess I'd have to do the research to get involved.
You know what I mean?
joe rogan
Right.
shane gillis
If the prospect of nuclear war is out there.
joe rogan
I just, I don't think we're really going to be able to help that.
You're right.
But I think that's also the attitude that people have that allows them to get away with things for as long as they have.
shane gillis
Yeah, everyone just goes, fuck it, I can't do it.
joe rogan
Yeah, everyone goes, fuck it, I can't do anything about that.
It's very sketchy.
I mean, if it wasn't for world leaders, no one would have any conflict with large groups.
Like, these large groups of people, they're led by people, and they have conflicts with other people, and they try to steal resources and money and fucking...
shane gillis
Yeah, we definitely wouldn't be trying to fight Vietnam.
joe rogan
Well, we're not.
The proof is in the fact that we don't fight with each other state to state.
There's no difference between state to state and there is country to country except for constitutions and laws and this and that.
But as long as the people can communicate, like if you're going to a place that also speaks the language that you speak, who gives a shit?
In America, you can go anywhere, right?
You can go to New Mexico.
You can go to Florida.
Nobody treats you like you're an invader, right?
And everybody kind of gets along.
But it's country to country that shit gets weird.
Now, why?
It doesn't make any sense.
Why would it?
If everything was like the States...
shane gillis
Yeah, it's just a little shit-talking.
joe rogan
But imagine, because incontinence, right?
Inside the United States, it doesn't happen.
What happened during the Civil War, right?
unidentified
Sure.
joe rogan
But it's rare.
For the most part, it works out.
shane gillis
Happened once.
joe rogan
And you can go around and do whatever the fuck you...
Why can't that be the case for the whole goddamn world?
Well, of course it can.
If you don't have...
Like leaders that want to steal resources and leaders that want to push arms closer to borders and leaders that want to violate treaties and leaders that want to push things and come up with better weapons and have them pointed towards your city.
shane gillis
Yeah.
unidentified
It's so exhausting.
shane gillis
Yeah, but I get it though.
As soon as I leave this country, like I was in Canada last week, I was like, America's number one, dude.
Fuck your country.
joe rogan
Your country's ridiculous.
Especially during COVID, you got to see how ridiculous it is.
shane gillis
Anytime I go to another country, I'm like, dude, America's fucking number one.
joe rogan
Do you think Trump's going to win?
shane gillis
If they run Biden, either DeSantis or Trump will win.
joe rogan
Yeah.
shane gillis
They can't run Biden.
Even though he was the most popular president of all time.
How about that?
Most votes ever?
joe rogan
Well, he is the best.
unidentified
What?
joe rogan
He's the best.
So, if you...
shane gillis
There's nothing there.
joe rogan
What would you...
Like, what would you do?
Is it Gavin Newsom?
Like, what would you do?
Elizabeth Warren?
Like, who?
shane gillis
Michelle.
joe rogan
Michelle.
shane gillis
Michelle Obama.
joe rogan
If she wants to do it.
Obama.
shane gillis
She would win.
joe rogan
Yeah, she would win.
shane gillis
She would win off just...
She would fuck those dudes up.
unidentified
Yeah.
Unless...
joe rogan
So many people have been red-pilled because of this administration and all the wackiness...
That, like, the bubble people...
Because it was always kind of 50-50 anyway.
The bubble people might go towards that because there's so much insanity on the left.
shane gillis
Here's the bummer.
I was talking with Norman and List and Ari, and we were doing a show, and we were talking afterwards about how, like, you know, the classic, like, fucking things seem to be...
Relaxing a little as far as the woke, all that shit.
You know what I mean?
But I was like, it's gonna get worse.
The second this election starts ramping up, we're gonna go right back into it.
Especially if it's Trump.
It's gonna go right back to where we just were.
joe rogan
Yeah, especially when people think there's a real threat of him winning.
unidentified
Yeah.
joe rogan
They'll get very hysterical.
And if you don't think that's the case...
shane gillis
We're going to go right back, dude.
joe rogan
My favorite gif in all of the internet is that lady with the sock hat and the glasses on her knees when Trump won.
shane gillis
Screaming.
Screaming.
joe rogan
It's one of the greatest...
shane gillis
That was the thing.
That was the thing.
I didn't vote for Trump, but man, when that guy won, I was like...
Dude, immediately I was like, yo!
joe rogan
Dude, if he wins again, do you know...
First of all, how is he...
He's all fat and everything, and he's 78, right?
But he's so alert.
shane gillis
I know, he's giving speeches, and I'm like, God, damn, that guy's got the juice again.
joe rogan
He's got the juice.
He sounds great.
shane gillis
I want to see if DeSantis swings at him.
That'll be interesting.
If he fights back...
joe rogan
He calls him Meatball Ron.
shane gillis
Yeah.
jamie vernon
Yeah.
shane gillis
Ron.
jamie vernon
He said that's crude.
He's not going to say it.
I was just looking up.
He said it once, but he's not going to say it.
shane gillis
Oh, that's how he talks shit.
Yeah, he goes, I'm not going to say that.
What'd you call him?
Meatball Ron?
I would never say that.
It is so funny.
Who was it?
One of them with pussy.
It might have been Ted Cruz or Marco Rubio.
There was a lady in the crowd.
And she goes, he's a pussy.
And he goes, what'd you say?
And she yelled it again.
He was like, he could tell no one else heard it.
And he goes, she called him a pussy.
I would never say that.
joe rogan
He said that out loud?
shane gillis
She called him a pussy?
joe rogan
Bro.
shane gillis
Yeah.
joe rogan
Come on, man.
He's got comic timing.
shane gillis
He's a pussy.
That's terrible.
I would never call him a pussy.
joe rogan
He's a pussy.
That's terrible.
During the campaign rally in New Hampshire, Trump hit back and then rivaled Ted Cruz by quoting a woman in the audience who called the Texas senator a pussy.
She just said a terrible thing.
You do it.
shane gillis
She just said a terrible thing.
You know what she said?
Shout it out.
Okay.
joe rogan
You're not allowed to say it.
I won't say it.
shane gillis
She called him a pussy!
Crowd went nuts, dude.
Oh yeah, he said, I never expect to hear that from you again.
joe rogan
That's terrible.
shane gillis
He like fake scolded her while smiling.
You shouldn't say that.
joe rogan
That's the president.
shane gillis
Dude.
joe rogan
That was the president.
shane gillis
And he won.
joe rogan
And he won.
It's going to be interesting to see what happens.
I think it's a mess because...
You know, by just trying to get someone into the office as a Democrat and picking Biden because he was the most likely to win, they put themselves in a terrible position where he's like, he's way too old.
Everybody knows it.
There's a lot of people that won't vote for him just because of his age.
And they're scared that Kamala Harris is going to be president.
You know, if she's his vice president again, like, dude, that's a mess.
That's a mess.
Nobody wants that.
That's not working out right now.
shane gillis
I think we all realize we fucked up a little.
unidentified
Yeah.
shane gillis
You see Joe talk, you go, ooh.
joe rogan
Yeah.
shane gillis
We just wanted to be done with the fucking circus.
joe rogan
But who would they get?
Who's, like, effective?
It's really just Michelle Obama.
I mean, you could see other people having an impact.
shane gillis
Yeah.
Again, I don't...
joe rogan
Gavin Newsom, if he hadn't fucked up during COVID, like, if COVID didn't happen, Gavin Newsom was fast-tracked to be the president.
shane gillis
But Gavin Newsom's like DeSantis, where I'm like, once people hear him talk, you're gonna go, oh.
Gavin Newsom's just doing Obama.
He's doing Obama.
joe rogan
But the difference is people don't like Gavin Newsom in his own state.
They just take him over a Republican.
unidentified
Yeah.
joe rogan
And people love DeSantis.
shane gillis
People love DeSantis in Florida.
joe rogan
But there are people that love him.
He has fans that love him.
I don't think Gavin Newsom has a lot of fans.
shane gillis
Here's what I think about DeSantis.
unidentified
You know what I'm saying?
shane gillis
Yeah, I hear you for sure.
joe rogan
And he got busted wearing no mask at a restaurant when everyone's supposed to be masked.
Yeah.
shane gillis
I think with DeSantis, I don't know enough about him.
I think people love the idea of DeSantis, where they're like, Florida fucking said, fuck COVID, we're gonna, you know, they did their thing.
So they love the idea of DeSantis, but nobody's ever heard him talk.
Nobody's ever seen him talk.
And when you do, you go, oh fuck, this guy's a dork.
God damn it, this is another dork.
joe rogan
I've seen him talk a bunch of times.
shane gillis
I know, I'm just talking about the general public.
I think when they see him talk, right now I'm sure he's doing fine in approval, but nobody's seen him.
And when he talks, especially if he starts trying to talk shit back and forth with Trump.
joe rogan
Yeah, that's gonna get ugly.
shane gillis
It's gonna split that.
It's going to be fun, dude.
Meatball Ron!
Meatball Ron!
joe rogan
Oh my god.
shane gillis
It's so exciting.
Yeah, it'll be fun.
The spectacle will be fun.
joe rogan
The spectacle will be fun, but then it's also the same prospect every time.
I never feel good about who's going to be the president.
It's always like, okay.
It's never like anybody that really is coming along that's going to revamp the system in some sort of meaningful way.
And the only way they do that is to take money out, and they're never gonna do that, so let's just fucking keep telling jokes.
shane gillis
Yeah, fuck it.
That's what Trump's good for.
joe rogan
Yeah, we'll just keep telling jokes.
Trump's way better for us.
Yeah.
In terms of, like, material?
shane gillis
Trump's good for material, but he's bad for the culture of comedy.
joe rogan
How so?
shane gillis
People get way more touchy.
Because all the race and transphobia and homophobia, that gets ramped up big time.
So then people actually get sensitive.
joe rogan
I wonder if that's going to ramp up again or if that's run its cycle.
shane gillis
That shit worked tremendously.
joe rogan
Yeah.
shane gillis
They're going to run that playbook again for sure.
joe rogan
Alright, dude, let's wrap this up.
shane gillis
Fucking right.
joe rogan
We got shit to do.
shane gillis
Yeah.
joe rogan
Alright.
shane gillis
I hope I wasn't totally incoherent there.
joe rogan
No, no, it's been fun.
We've been having a good time.
shane gillis
Remember the shithorder?
joe rogan
Yeah, shithorder was awesome.
Alright, I just have to pee again.
So I figured it's a good time to wrap it up.
Export Selection