March 8, 2023 - The Joe Rogan Experience
03:28:09
Participants
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
|
unidentified
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Joe Rogan podcast, check it out. | |
| The Joe Rogan experience. | ||
| Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day. | ||
| Hey, Michael Malice. | ||
| How are you, my friend? | ||
| I am doing outstanding. | ||
| Always good to see you. | ||
| No one's ever said that to me before. | ||
| I love you. | ||
| Come on, man. | ||
| That's not true. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No one's ever said that either. | |
| I think I've said it. | ||
| I think I've said it. | ||
| You know I love you. | ||
| What's in the box, man? | ||
| What's in the box? | ||
| So Alfred Hitchcock, great film director, made this comment about the difference between surprise and suspense, right? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| So surprise is a bomb goes off. | ||
| There's five seconds of surprise. | ||
| People are like, okay, what happened? | ||
| Suspense is when the audience knows something that the characters don't. | ||
| So you have Cary Grant drinking tea with his girlfriend and there's a bomb under the table and And for ten minutes, they're just perfectly calm, and there's a bomb. | ||
| So, you are a lot nicer to your audience than I am, which is probably why you're a lot more popular than I am. | ||
| So, can we wait like a five minutes before we show what's in the box? | ||
| Sure. | ||
| We can wait an hour. | ||
| I don't give a fuck. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| We have a fun surprise in the box. | ||
| We got all day. | ||
| This is from one of the many friends I've met here in Austin, and every opportunity I have to talk about how much I love Austin, I will absolutely fucking take. | ||
| I am so giddy to be here. | ||
| I'll tell you this story. | ||
| A couple of my friends just came to visit. | ||
| I've known them since high school, Andrea and Annette. | ||
| And they reminded me of this story that they had done when they were in their 30s, old enough to know better. | ||
| So there's a city in Ohio called Twinsburg. | ||
| Have you heard of this? | ||
| No. | ||
| So Twinsburg every year has twin parades. | ||
| And you can go when you're twins and march in the parades and hang out with other twins. | ||
| Andrea and Annette, who are unrelated and don't look alike at all, decided, you know what we're going to do? | ||
| We're going to just go and pass off as identical twins, even though you can go there as fraternal twins. | ||
| There may have been some fake birth certificates involved. | ||
| I can't say that for legal reasons. | ||
| Do you have to show birth certificates to get in the parade? | ||
| Well, if you're going to march as identical twins and register as them, you have to show birth certificates. | ||
| Now, mind you, they could have gone for free, but they decided to pay the money to go as identical twins. | ||
| So they got the same haircuts, dressed the same. | ||
| They took part in medical research. | ||
| So if you still have cancer, it's because of them. | ||
| And they ended up marching in the identical twin parade with all the black people for some reason. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| So it's just... | ||
| What does it have to do with the box? | ||
| It's just... | ||
| These are just friends of mine who are just here visiting Austin. | ||
| This box is... | ||
| What's in the box is made from some other people that I was friends here in Austin. | ||
| The point being, everyone's coming through here just week after week. | ||
| I want to give you an update. | ||
| Bridget Phetasy is closed in her house. | ||
| Yeah, she's a good friend of mine. | ||
| Yeah, and mine too. | ||
| Her husband, Jaron, is going to be staying with me in two weeks while he checks out the updates. | ||
| So Deborah So is going to be here visiting in May. | ||
| Oh, is she really? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| She's escaped from Canada? | ||
| She's escaping from Canada. | ||
| And did they let her come over here? | ||
| And she'll be able to be here in May. | ||
| So right now, you can't fly in unless you're vaccinated, correct? | ||
| I think America is the only country where that is the situation. | ||
| Protecting us, Michael. | ||
| Keeping us protected. | ||
| It's legal to come here if you have COVID. But not if you're not vaccinated. | ||
| Well, that makes sense. | ||
| Yeah, it's just absolutely crazy. | ||
| But May 11th, people will be able to come here and absolutely visit. | ||
| Thank God they're waiting until May because it's March. | ||
| They postponed it, too. | ||
| You need a couple of months to really make sure you got it ready. | ||
| It was supposed to be April. | ||
| They postponed it until May. | ||
| So, I mean, are you not loving what's been happening with this city? | ||
| Yeah, I love the city. | ||
| And it's thanks to you in large part, don't you think? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I'm very happy if anybody thinks that. | ||
| But it's just an amazing city. | ||
| We're very lucky to be here. | ||
| It's really special. | ||
| It's very unusual. | ||
| I feel like we're in unprecedented times because this is the only time in American history, to my knowledge, where a red state is going to be a cultural center. | ||
| Because you remember New York in the 70s, Paris in the 20s. | ||
| Obviously, Paris is another country. | ||
| But when you have all these different groups then diagramming together, it becomes something bigger than the sum of its parts. | ||
| So we've got the biohacker people here. | ||
| We've got the Bitcoin people here. | ||
| We've got the Whole Foods crowd, the Kuya crowd, your honor people. | ||
| You've got the podcasters. | ||
| You've got the comedians. | ||
| You know, it's just... | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| Musicians. | ||
| It's not even getting to the music capital of the world. | ||
| Incredible. | ||
| The music here is incredible. | ||
| It's so good. | ||
| And it's so accessible. | ||
| Yeah, you can go out any night. | ||
| There's bars on 6th Street on any night that have amazing bands playing. | ||
| That's what we found out about Ellis Bullard. | ||
| What is that place called? | ||
| The White Horse? | ||
| What's that bar called? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sounds right. | |
| I think it's the white horse. | ||
| Cool little fucking bar, like real cool, like little fucking shitty pool table. | ||
| And there's like maybe 15, 20 people in there. | ||
| And there's this honky tonk dude on stage. | ||
| And I'm like, this guy is fucking amazing. | ||
| His band's incredible. | ||
| I'm like, how good is this music? | ||
| And the thing I'm really happy about here as opposed to New York or LA is people are appreciative of being here. | ||
| They're not too cool for school. | ||
| There's none of this like, ugh, you know. | ||
| My friend Lux, she had this great line about if you are asked about an app, just say, oh, I was on that for a while. | ||
| It sucked. | ||
| So like you could just pass. | ||
| You can pass at any party. | ||
| Oh yeah, I tried that for a while. | ||
| It sucked. | ||
| But we don't have that here. | ||
| People are actually enthusiastic. | ||
| The comedy scene here is amazing. | ||
| The comedy scene here is insane. | ||
| I just saw Neil Hamburger a couple weeks ago. | ||
| Nice! | ||
| He's my favorite comedian. | ||
| He's funny, man. | ||
| That dude's very funny. | ||
| He's my absolute hero. | ||
| He opened up for Louis once. | ||
| I saw him at the Irvine Improv. | ||
| And I was like, dude, that guy's so good. | ||
| Did they get it? | ||
| Yeah, well there's comedy fans there. | ||
| First of all, if he's opening up for Louis, he's gonna be really funny. | ||
| Louis has some oddball people open up for him. | ||
| He had Jay London open up for him in LA. Do you know who Jay London is? | ||
| Jay London is a guy I did my very first show with like on V I think it was like VH1 or something like that or maybe might not have even been that good of a network as well as like shitty stand-up spotlight something shows and He was on last comic standing and for a while like caught some heat. | ||
| He's a very eccentric guy like When I met him out here in L.A., I met him in New York, and then I saw him out here in L.A. in like 2000, 2001, around there. | ||
| And then when I met him, he was like selling stuff on the street. | ||
| Like he was selling, like after September 11th, he was selling like American flags, because everybody was putting American flags in their car, like the suction cup ones. | ||
| So he's like this fucking strange sort of character, but he's really funny. | ||
| And he brings like his notes on stage, and he's always embarrassed about his jokes, and he hides. | ||
| That's Jay. | ||
| Oh, okay, yeah, yeah. | ||
| I've seen him. | ||
| You know, so, like, Louis has, like, these odd duck people open up for him. | ||
| And Jay's hilarious. | ||
| And he had Neil Hamburger open up for him. | ||
| So everybody who's a Louis fan kind of knows. | ||
| If you're opening up for Louis, it's because he asked you to. | ||
| Yeah, one time I saw Neil, he was doing a residency, I think at the satellite in LA, and there was this basic bitch on a date in front of me with her boyfriend, and I told this story 20 times, and she turns to him and she goes, what is this? | ||
| And I'm like, that is the exact right reaction. | ||
| If you don't know, you just think, oh my god, what have I stumbled into, you know? | ||
| But I'm surprised. | ||
| I mean, I love that kind of alt-comedy stuff. | ||
| I think it's just something that's just a little bit out there. | ||
| Kurt Metzger, who I'm buddies with. | ||
| I love Kurt. | ||
| He's open for Louis, too. | ||
| Yeah, he is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's amazing. | |
| I just saw him here. | ||
| The funny thing is, with these comedians, as you obviously know, is that... | ||
| It's one thing when you're hanging out and someone's funny that you go on stage and it's a whole other level. | ||
| I was watching him at the Creek in the Cave and he just goes, yeah, so my back's been hurting me a lot recently, so we're going to be talking about that for the next 20 minutes. | ||
| I'm like, why is that so fucking funny? | ||
| It's funny coming from him. | ||
| It's coming from him. | ||
| He's got a very unique sense of humor. | ||
| He's so smart, too. | ||
| He's like, oh, and he's a guy, you know, he grew up as a, I believe it was a Jehovah's Witness, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So he grew up in a religious cult, and he is, like, not buying it. | ||
| Like, whenever there's any kind of group think going on, any kind of, he's like, oh, I know what this is. | ||
| I know what this is. | ||
| Get the fuck out of here with this. | ||
| He's the best at calling that. | ||
| He's so good at that because I would imagine, I don't have that experience, but I would imagine if you had that experience of growing up in a fucking religious cult and then escaping, then to realize like, oh my god, these are regular people. | ||
| Regular people get caught up in mind viruses. | ||
| Like, we always want to look at people in a cult and go, well, that would never be me. | ||
| I'm too smart for that. | ||
| These fucking morons. | ||
| Why do they believe that guy? | ||
| We're all susceptible. | ||
| All of us are. | ||
| It's easier to train a smart dog than a dumb one. | ||
| And especially the appeal of the cult is you have this hidden arcane knowledge that the normies don't. | ||
| And this is going to feed into your sense of intelligence and self-importance. | ||
| It's like you're one of the ones in the know and everyone else has blinders on. | ||
| And you can be really aggressive about enforcing your opinion because you know it's right. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know I'm saying like there's a thing that people are doing that they did during the pandemic and they do about any issue that's controversial whether it's abortion or Whether it's guns or anything. | ||
| It's like the people instead of like talking about it like These are the pros and cons. | ||
| This is what's going on. | ||
| This is where I can understand why you would think like this. | ||
| This is why I think like that. | ||
| And just try to work it out. | ||
| It always becomes this very vicious attack on your mental capacity, on your thought process, your education. | ||
| Immediately, they want to classify you in some sort of a category where they could dismiss you. | ||
| Whether it's sexist or racist or transphobic or whatever. | ||
| Outgroup. | ||
| Throw you in an out group and start screaming at you. | ||
| And it's the most unproductive way to communicate. | ||
| And I think it's also a product of social media that we need to be really careful about because it's changing the way people interact with each other. | ||
| Well, I think it's more a function of evolutionary psychology because if I'm low status and I have no opportunity to... | ||
| You know, raise my rank in terms of kind of whatever long-term mating. | ||
| This gives me an excuse. | ||
| Now I'm in a position to tell Joe Rogan, Mr. Podcaster celebrity, that I'm better than him. | ||
| So right away, without having to do any of the work building the audience, I'm leapfrogging over you because I understand drug protocols better than Joe who went to the veterinarian and just took something off the shelf and just injected into his veins. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Yeah, definitely it's that too. | ||
| There's like many factors, but that's definitely one of the factors why people get aggressive and attack famous people. | ||
| But it's not just famous people. | ||
| It's they do it to people that have any person who has an ideology that's different than them. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| People on the right do it, too. | ||
| Of course they do. | ||
| Everybody does it. | ||
| It's a natural part of human... | ||
| That's why you're seeing these bizarre shifts. | ||
| Like, the left, when I was a kid... | ||
| My stepfather was a hippie. | ||
| And we grew up in San Francisco in the 70s during the Vietnam War. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| So I was, like, surrounded by... | ||
| My neighbors were gay. | ||
| Everyone was an artist. | ||
| There was all these fucking weirdos. | ||
| It's like... | ||
| Ideologies like this, like whatever we're doing, whether it's right or left, it's like everybody just gets locked into a group mindset for some strange reason. | ||
| And if you don't agree with everything in that group mindset, they could just fucking dismiss you. | ||
| Right. | ||
| They just completely dismiss you. | ||
| They're looking for filters to not have to listen to anything you say further. | ||
| I have pronouns in my bio on Twitter, because if you're this type of conservative who thinks, oh, pronouns and bio, I don't have to listen to anything this guy has to say, I don't want to be talking to you anyway, if that's how your mind works. | ||
| So right away, it's going to alienate me from that audience. | ||
| it also works because if you're someone who is on the other camp and you see pronouns in my Twitter bio you're going to perceive me as part of your team and you're going to listen to what I have to say so it works in both directions but instead of Instead of listening to, does this person have a point, is this true, is it false, it's immediately, should I be listening to anything they further have to say? | ||
| Can I dismiss them immediately with one word or one phrase? | ||
| I mean, anyone who likes this can't possibly. | ||
| Well, it's like stupid people make good points all the time. | ||
| So when I was a kid, the left was all about freedom of speech and freedom of expression. | ||
| And, you know, if you were like a person who never vaccinated your children, you would be much more likely to be on the left. | ||
| You were someone who didn't trust pharmaceutical companies. | ||
| Hippies were all about healthy food. | ||
| A lot of the hippie stuff was stupid, but a lot of the hippie stuff was... | ||
| It's not that it was stupid, it just doesn't work without discipline. | ||
| It doesn't work without exceptional people who work hard with discipline and then share with each other. | ||
| You can't just everybody share with everybody because there's a natural human inclination to not do anything if you don't have to do anything, especially when you're young. | ||
| It's not good for the development of a human being to give them everything they want when they're young. | ||
| That's why it's fucked up when you see young rich kids. | ||
| It's like they're classically fucked up. | ||
| There's something wrong about that, right? | ||
| You know, I think hippies have gotten a bad rap. | ||
| And when I was much younger, I thought, okay, these guys are idiots. | ||
| They don't know what they're talking about. | ||
| The older I've gotten, the more I'm like, you know what? | ||
| They're probably onto something. | ||
| They were onto something, like in the late 60s, where they're like, why are we sending kids to die overseas? | ||
| Why are drugs illegal? | ||
| Yeah, why are drugs? | ||
| Like, okay, let's have some pleasure. | ||
| Let's expand our minds. | ||
| It sounds stupid now because it's become an eat, pray, love thing. | ||
| But looking back, I'm like, they weren't so bad. | ||
| And who were they really? | ||
| Like, a lot of them were destroying their own lives. | ||
| Let's be honest. | ||
| At a certain point, hedonism is a problem. | ||
| But in terms of their motivations, I'm like, I kind of have a soft spot for that. | ||
| But if you meet some of these older hippies, especially the Bernie Sanders types, a lot of them are just really nice people. | ||
| Yeah, they're just really nice people. | ||
| Yeah, and they got into a nice vibe of being a good person. | ||
| But that's what the left used to be about. | ||
| The left used to be about freedom. | ||
| It was more like freedom of speech, freedom of expression. | ||
| Think about the comic books that came from the left, like R. Crumb. | ||
| Fucking bizarre, wild shit. | ||
| The right would never create, right? | ||
| But then somewhere along the line, the roles reversed. | ||
| And I don't even know if people realize it. | ||
| It's like a shifting of the polar ice caps. | ||
| Like today, if you were going to be a person who had a controversial comic book, you would most likely be on the right. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| If you had anything remotely as satirical and as fucked up as some of those R. Crumb comics. | ||
| Have you ever read those? | ||
| Did you know R. Crumb was going to draw my graphic novel? | ||
| No! | ||
| You didn't know this? | ||
| You know Harvey Pekar wrote a book about me, right? | ||
| Who did? | ||
| Harvey Pekar? | ||
| I did not. | ||
| I did not know that. | ||
| Harvey Pekar from American Splendor, who is R. Crumb's bestie, right? | ||
| He had a graphic novel about me, came out in 2006, and R. Crumb was originally going to be the artist, which would have been absolutely... | ||
| Did you ever watch that documentary? | ||
| Of course, where his brother's eating the rope. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Insane. | |
| His brother's just out to lunch, just reading books all day and living in the house. | ||
| They're all insane. | ||
| But that was such a... | ||
| I mean, talking about earlier, we were talking about Austin. | ||
| Like, the Midwest in that time when America was kind of this dark and lost place... | ||
| There was so much creativity in that comic scene, especially all the way through the 90s. | ||
| Like, a lot of really amazing creative people. | ||
| Dan Klaus is another one who's just amazing. | ||
| Really just great stuff. | ||
| Yeah, so Harvey did a book about me. | ||
| It goes for like 200 bucks now, too. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| But Art Crumb's comics are pretty fucking wild. | ||
| Like, today? | ||
|
unidentified
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Even then. | |
| You know when I was like this is how much of hippies my parents were we had that our crumb how to wipe your ass thing Framed in the bathroom. | ||
| Do you know that? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| There's like our crumb had like it was like a toilet that like showed you how to wipe your ass It's the most ridiculous thing and it was like that's it right there. | ||
| Oh my god Yeah, don't forget to wipe your ass folks bro. | ||
| That was fucking in my house That was in our bathroom when I was a little kid. | ||
| A framed? | ||
| Yeah, my parents were wild. | ||
| They didn't just tape it up, they put a frame on it? | ||
| If I remember correctly, either it was framed or it was like posted somewhere. | ||
| I don't remember exactly how it was. | ||
| I'm pretty sure it was framed though. | ||
| Oh my god, that's amazing. | ||
| It was like a poster or something. | ||
| That was it, right there. | ||
| Don't forget to wipe your ass, folks! | ||
| My buddy Eric July just had a Kickstarter or something like that for his comic book series. | ||
| I think he raised like 100,000 or some crazy number. | ||
| So there is this big – but he's an anarchist. | ||
| He's considered on the right. | ||
| But yeah, like people are – because the other thing is it's not just that it's this kind of leftist crap. | ||
| It's just regurgitating the same stories. | ||
| Like how many times is Superman going to punch Brainiac in the face? | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| It just kind of gets old – Well, there's like two different kinds of comics, right? | ||
| There's like comics that are like the classic superhero genre comics that I loved growing up. | ||
| Like the Avengers and the Hulk and Conan the Barbarian and all that shit. | ||
| And then there's like these graphic novels that are independent and people do like really weird cool stuff. | ||
| I guess you could put Spawn in there. | ||
| You could put a bunch of them. | ||
| You could put a bunch of these very interesting comics. | ||
| But then they go as far out there. | ||
| When I lived in Boston, they had these independent comic book stores. | ||
| You'd go there and there'd be these really small batch comics that these weirdo artists would create. | ||
| Some of them were wild. | ||
| Really amazing, interesting, out there stuff in comic book form. | ||
| But if you're gonna have anything that's like as controversial as our crumb, it's gonna be coming from the right now, which is really weird. | ||
| It's like a new thing. | ||
| And that's unprecedented, right? | ||
| Unprecedented. | ||
| The right is the one telling us to get out of this war in Ukraine. | ||
| It's the right. | ||
| Can you imagine if you're just like... | ||
| During the Bush era, if you imagine that Republicans would be chanting, let's get the military home, enough of the war machine, it would be... | ||
| Because it's almost as crazy as Bernie Sanders a couple of years ago telling us we need to support either the CIA or the FBI. I'm like, you are the epitome of this filthy old... | ||
| Like, you open your wallet, moths are going to fly out, and you're telling us to trust the FBI or CIA? I couldn't believe it, but... | ||
| Blanket trust. | ||
| Yeah, it's this complete... | ||
| I trust the idea of both of them. | ||
| Do you? | ||
| I trust some of the individuals that are in them, yes. | ||
| But it's just a fucking group of humans. | ||
| When you have a group of humans, any group of humans, you're gonna have certain people that bend the rules, you're gonna have certain people that say, you know what, I think I'm gonna get away with this. | ||
| You're gonna have certain people that say, I'm gonna use this power because it's fun. | ||
| You got a lot of weird things that happen when you get people, and if you call them the FBI, it's a fucking group of humans. | ||
| They're just humans, like all of us. | ||
| I had dinner with an ex, either FBI, I think it was CIA operative, or FBI, but I'm not sure it was CIA, and he was talking about how it's illegal for him or his coworkers to look up his ex-girlfriend's Gmail. | ||
| But what he could do is call his contact in France and be like, hey, look up this Gmail for me. | ||
| And he could look it up for his French girl, for his French buddy. | ||
| And he was talking about like, oh, this is how corrupt we are. | ||
| I'm like, you should be in jail. | ||
| Like, you're using your powers to look up your ex's emails, and you're just talking about, like, oops, I'm on the take? | ||
| Like, you're evil. | ||
| That should be a serious crime. | ||
| It is, though. | ||
| It's just not enforced. | ||
| There's no way that's not a serious crime. | ||
| It's so wild. | ||
| So when people talk about corruption and, like, oh, you know, it's like Hunter Biden's on the take, that's not the corruption I'm worried about. | ||
| It's shit like this. | ||
| They're human beings, and it's not like they're Navy SEALs. | ||
| Yeah, right. | ||
| It's not like they have to go through some incredible, like, training process that weeds out all the weak people. | ||
| It's not that at all. | ||
| You just get to that spot. | ||
| You're a bureaucrat. | ||
| You're a guy who's moving up the ladder. | ||
| Next thing you know, you're running this thing. | ||
| And you might be a fucking sociopath. | ||
| Or you might be a really patriotic guy who's trying to do the right thing inside a system that's imperfect. | ||
| I think both those things coexist. | ||
| But also, are you going to fire the good worker just because he's looking at his ex-girlfriend's emails? | ||
| You're going to be like, no, dude, cut it out. | ||
| You're not going to make it public. | ||
| It'll look bad for the agency. | ||
| You look out for each other. | ||
| It's kind of that thin blue line thing. | ||
| Definitely lift up that carpet. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Just like, dude, don't do it again. | ||
| It's like, okay, I'm sorry. | ||
| It's just really kind of a messed up. | ||
| Do you want to see what's in the face? | ||
| Sure. | ||
| Show me the cake. | ||
| Well, let's tell you the whole story. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| So I'm at home dicking around on Twitter, as I want to do, and I get a like when the verified tab meant something, and I'm like, okay, who is this broad? | ||
| And I look, and that wasn't the word I used, mind you, but I'm being nice. | ||
| And I looked and it's this girl, Natalie Sidesurf. | ||
| She and her husband, they live in Austin. | ||
| They make these super realistic cakes. | ||
| So I said to them, I'm going to be on Rogan. | ||
| We became good friends. | ||
| We just went to Miami together, whole crew of us, me, Blair White also. | ||
| And I'm like, make me a cake of your favorite Russian podcaster. | ||
| So I hope that they got my cheekbones right. | ||
| Oh, boy. | ||
| Here we go. | ||
|
unidentified
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Oh, God damn it. | |
| Mmm. | ||
| Turn towards me. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Thank you. | |
| Thank you. | ||
| It's pretty goddamn good. | ||
| That is Lex in a fucking... | ||
| That's perfect. | ||
| I think it's got too much emotion in the eyes. | ||
| The lips are a little pursed though. | ||
| It makes up for that. | ||
| He might be in the middle of saying something important about Dostoevsky. | ||
| Does this look as insane on camera as it looks in person? | ||
| It's really good, dude. | ||
| Holy crap. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's really good. | ||
| So what we're looking at here for the people that are just listening is a fucking amazing bust of Lex Friedman that's actually a cake. | ||
| Hold on. | ||
| Yeah, so they did that meme that everything is cake, it's them. | ||
| Well, they're a really talented band, because that's so good. | ||
| How does it feel to be number two, if best, at best? | ||
| What do you mean? | ||
| Their favorite Russian podcaster. | ||
| Like, at best, you're number two now. | ||
| I feel like... | ||
| Because if that's number one... | ||
| I feel like... | ||
| And then Konstantin's probably number two. | ||
| Oh, Konstantin's got you beat. | ||
| He's great. | ||
| Trigonometry, those guys are great. | ||
| I feel like that Ronnie Dangerfield line, my wife tells me I'm number one, but treats me like I'm number two. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ha ha! | |
| Okay, should I cut it? | ||
| Are we ready to cut it? | ||
| No, let's cut it later. | ||
| Come on, more suspense. | ||
| Damn, she did a good job. | ||
| Yeah, it's excellent. | ||
| I don't even want to cut it. | ||
| I want to let it rot. | ||
| I don't want to ruin it. | ||
| Yeah, it's creepy looking. | ||
| It's like a sand castle that you can eat. | ||
| You know? | ||
| It's just temporary. | ||
| Are you excited? | ||
| Can we talk about the club? | ||
| Yeah, sure. | ||
| Are you excited? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| How long has this been your dream? | ||
| It wasn't a dream ever. | ||
| I used to tell comedians, be nice to club owners because you don't want to be one. | ||
| Because I was like, we need them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, sure. | |
| Comedians have, oftentimes, have an adversarial relationship with people at clubs. | ||
| I feel like he's watching me. | ||
| He is. | ||
| He's judging us. | ||
| He's always judging me. | ||
| Zero, zero, zero. | ||
| And I wanted you to be ones. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Joe, why are you such a zero? | |
| The relationship that comedians have with clubs is based on the initial feeling that you had from clubs. | ||
| You have to kind of work through that because in the beginning you're an open mic and you're fucking terrible. | ||
| And you start getting better and you're trying to get work but they don't want to give you work and they don't really respect you because they remember when you were terrible. | ||
| And then you have to leave town. | ||
| And then when you leave town, you're going to clubs and you're not getting paid that much. | ||
| And sometimes people will kind of screw you over on the ticket prices or something will go wrong. | ||
| And you got to just be cool about all of it. | ||
| You got to be as friendly to club owners as you can because you don't want to be one. | ||
| And you need those people. | ||
| We need them. | ||
| We're not going to go open up our own clubs. | ||
| I would say to these guys, like, just, we have this idea like it's an adversarial relationship with clubs. | ||
| Like, it's not. | ||
| We're all working together. | ||
| Like, you've got to be nice to these folks. | ||
| Like, no one wants to open a fucking club. | ||
| And then I came here, I was like, God damn it, I've got to open a club. | ||
| I was like, we had one place we're working out of, which is like an EDM club, the Vulcan Gas Company, which has been amazing. | ||
| But it's not really set up for comedy. | ||
| There's a balcony. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| Some of the seating, like people are staring at a screen. | ||
| I don't like that part of it. | ||
| But it's an amazing staff, and it's an amazing set, and the sound's great. | ||
| It's fun, and it kept us here for like a couple years. | ||
| But I go, but we need like a full-time comedy club, like the Comedy Store. | ||
| And so I started looking, and I almost bought one place that was owned by a cult. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| I was actually under contract, and then some issues happened and fell apart, but I didn't know what that meant until Adam Egott said, oh, yeah! | ||
| He goes, I saw the documentary on them! | ||
| I go, what? | ||
| There's a documentary? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, Jesus Christ. | |
| You know the cult's bad when they make a movie about it. | ||
| So the documentary's called Holy Hell. | ||
| And this documentary's about this guy who, he ran a cult in West Hollywood. | ||
| And he was this guy who, at one point in time, he was a failed actor. | ||
| And then he was a dancer. | ||
| And he was this really weird gay guy that was super, super charismatic. | ||
| And he got all these people to join his cult. | ||
| And they fled West Hollywood for some reason and came to Austin. | ||
| And when they got to Austin, they set up this whole commune and he had them build him a theater where he could dance in front of them. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| So they built this beautiful theater. | ||
| But, you know, it's all like the cult members made it. | ||
| Like, I don't even know if they use general contractors. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| But it was a beautiful place. | ||
| And so I watched the documentary, and I'm like, oh no, the documentary is so bad. | ||
| This guy was fucking everyone, right? | ||
| He was getting money from them, but he was fucking them, and then he would make them pay him, because it was therapy. | ||
| So he would fuck all the guys, like the straight guys, and they were talking about this. | ||
| This is what we're talking about, like cults. | ||
| These are regular folks. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
These guys are so upset that they couldn't believe this is... | |
| They thought they had it nailed. | ||
| They thought they figured life out. | ||
| They thought they had a group of people and they could all live together. | ||
| This guy's like the biggest stud in history. | ||
| Like, if you're getting... | ||
| Straight guys are paying you to fuck them? | ||
| You're talented. | ||
| It's like... | ||
| Beyond Comprehension the the kind of charisma you need. | ||
| Yeah, the kind of just Whatever the fuck that is where you can talk someone into things like that. | ||
| Like what is that? | ||
| What's the steps? | ||
| Yeah Which do you broach first the money or the sex? | ||
| Yeah, how do you justify it? | ||
| Maybe just keep going, you know? | ||
| Maybe just keep asking for more. | ||
| But now I want $50 for that. | ||
| Yes, okay, here you go. | ||
| And now I'm gonna fuck you. | ||
| And now I want a handjob. | ||
| This is the documentary. | ||
| See, they always start off looking great. | ||
| This is the case with Wild, what is it? | ||
| Wild Wild Country, right? | ||
| Is that the one? | ||
| Yeah, Wild Wild Country. | ||
| And this one's similar. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Is this Austin? | |
| No, this is probably before they came to Austin. | ||
| Is that a lake or is that an ocean? | ||
| See, that was all mountains and shit, so that must be when they were in California. | ||
| So they were all together in California, and then they fled and came to Austin. | ||
| I don't remember why. | ||
| He probably fucked the wrong dude or something. | ||
| I mean, how are they not- I'm not- So that's the guy. | ||
| How are they not all getting- This is the guy. | ||
| Holy crap. | ||
| This is the guy. | ||
| So this guy now runs a cult in Hawaii. | ||
| He fled Austin. | ||
| He went to Hawaii. | ||
| So they confront him in Hawaii in the documentary. | ||
| And this is all the place I'm going to buy, Michael Malice. | ||
| This is the place where I was setting up my big comedy club. | ||
| I'm like, oh no, I'm going to have to sage the shit out of this place. | ||
| I was literally going to bring in exorcists to try to cleanse the room. | ||
| I'm like, I can't buy this. | ||
| And then luckily something was wrong and we had like an issue and I got out of the contract. | ||
| Wait, wait, wait, wait. | ||
| It's a great place, though. | ||
| Somebody bought it right away, right after I got out of there. | ||
| How are you going to find The Exorcist? | ||
| Did you look on Yelp? | ||
| I was going to, like, figure out a way. | ||
| I was going to, like, hire a priest or something. | ||
| I was going to do a bunch of different things like that for fun. | ||
| Because everyone's going to know, like, the background of that place. | ||
| If you watch the documentary, you know the background. | ||
| And can you tell us, are you allowed to say where this place is? | ||
| Oh yeah, it's on BK's Road. | ||
| It's called the One World Theater. | ||
| Yeah, it's beautiful. | ||
| Somebody bought it, like I said, immediately afterwards. | ||
| It's a gorgeous place. | ||
| It's an amazing place to see shows too. | ||
| It's like great acoustics there. | ||
| It's really... | ||
| But the story behind it is this cult. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I mean, even if we worked out all the issues that we had had, it would have been a great comedy club. | ||
| I mean, it's a beautiful place. | ||
| It would have required some work. | ||
| Isn't BK Rove a little out of the way, though? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, it's a little out of the way. | ||
| But it's like... | ||
| No, no, I'm just asking. | ||
| Yeah, just to be sure. | ||
| But everybody's like, oh, I want to stay within, like, three minutes of downtown Austin. | ||
| Like, come on. | ||
| It's weird coming from California. | ||
| Because in California, the Ice House in Pasadena was no problem. | ||
| Like everybody went out to the Ice House. | ||
| We had shows there all the time. | ||
| That's like a 35 minute drive. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But it was still, it was like normal to go to Irvine. | ||
| That was normal. | ||
| Yeah, but it's funny. | ||
| That's the spot. | ||
| Oh, that's beautiful. | ||
| It's gorgeous. | ||
| They did an amazing job. | ||
| It looks like it belongs in Epstein's Island, though. | ||
| It doesn't when you're in it. | ||
| It's a gorgeous building. | ||
| I just forgot. | ||
| That's how much they loved him. | ||
| They built him this gorgeous building. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's... | |
| That's how much they loved him. | ||
| That's how much they loved him. | ||
| That's what they were told to do. | ||
| Yes, but they did it with love. | ||
| Look how good it is. | ||
| I mean, come on. | ||
| That's a beautiful place. | ||
| How did it go south? | ||
| I can't really talk about it. | ||
| It wasn't a giant issue. | ||
| Not the deal. | ||
| The club. | ||
| The cult. | ||
| The cult. | ||
| I think it just all fell apart. | ||
| He's fucking all these guys. | ||
| Allegedly. | ||
| They're not all getting STDs? | ||
| They're not all getting AIDS? I guess he's only fucking them. | ||
| I guess they're all only interacting with each other. | ||
| I don't know what's going on. | ||
| I don't know why they're not. | ||
| Maybe they did get STDs or they left that part out. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| But I do know that the whole thing, he started getting weird plastic surgery, allegedly. | ||
| The whole thing is wild. | ||
| You should watch the documentary. | ||
| It's on Amazon Prime. | ||
| It's called Holy Hell. | ||
| You can watch it and go, oh my god. | ||
| It's so sad because some of these people at the end of the documentary, like this one lady, now she's like a 50-year-old dog walker. | ||
| She's like, what the fuck? | ||
| I just blew 20 years of my life with these people. | ||
| That was the saddest part about this documentary. | ||
| When they wake up. | ||
| People are... | ||
| It's so important to say over and over again if someone is stuck in that sort of a situation... | ||
| It's all of us. | ||
| You can catch the flu, right? | ||
| You can also catch a mind virus. | ||
| Being in a cult is like a mind virus. | ||
| If you grow up believing that a Catholic priest who has been molesting children would never do it because he's a man of God, Guess what? | ||
| That's the same thing. | ||
| It's the same mindset. | ||
| It's just much more organized and much larger. | ||
| But it's the same sort of mindset that would allow you to think that way. | ||
| It's the same mindset that allowed these poor fucking people to waste 20 years of their life with this guy who's like a crazy person. | ||
| I had a friend of mine, a casual friend, who texts me out of nowhere. | ||
| I talked to her maybe once every few years. | ||
| And she's like, oh, have you heard of this thing called Landmark? | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jesus. | |
| And I go, yeah, it's a cult. | ||
| And she's like, oh, haha, you're so funny. | ||
| Anyway, I wanted to give you this great opportunity. | ||
| And she just kept texting me. | ||
| And it's just like, I don't know what they're... | ||
| How does she not know you? | ||
| That's the... | ||
| Well, because I'd be the big fish. | ||
| If she could... | ||
| If it doesn't, she understands. | ||
| Who is this person? | ||
| How does she not know you? | ||
| I've known... | ||
| She's friends with a couple I mentioned earlier. | ||
| I've known her friends of friends since for like 20 years. | ||
| How funny is it when someone's... | ||
| Their ability to read someone is so off. | ||
| That they would come to you with some cult proposal. | ||
| I don't think that's how it works. | ||
| I think it's more like if you have even the slightest chance, you have to go for it no matter what. | ||
| And if she came back, I bet you they sit them down and they say, who's the biggest name in your cell phone? | ||
| And that's going to be your target. | ||
| That's how it works. | ||
| You don't want to just grab some bag lady. | ||
| You want someone who's got some kind of slight cred because then he's bringing his people over. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| And then you could be the one, like, oh my god, she brought in, you know, whoever, Rogan, Michael Malice. | ||
| And if she doesn't understand that she's in a cult... | ||
| Right. | ||
| Is Landmark a cult? | ||
| I don't know anything about it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| What is it? | ||
| God, I knew this girl many years ago. | ||
| I don't want to mention her name. | ||
| And she said to me, we're hanging out, and she goes, I don't need religion because I have Landmark. | ||
| And I'm like, you're not selling this. | ||
| You're scaring me. | ||
| And the point is... | ||
| That's adorable. | ||
| I'm going to get sued. | ||
| Because when you cross these people, forget it. | ||
| It's game over. | ||
| But I think you're buying tapes and you're paying to attend meetings. | ||
| And what is it? | ||
| Is it a self-improvement thing? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| But it's been around since the 70s. | ||
| What is their self-improvement angle? | ||
| Is it possible that someone could pull this off and do a good job? | ||
| What do you mean? | ||
| Make a good cult. | ||
| Solid cult. | ||
| With rules like the country. | ||
| Like the Bill of Rights. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| You know, have a good cult. | ||
| Put together a good cult. | ||
| I think that... | ||
| Oh, God. | ||
| Redefine what's possible. | ||
| In your relationships, your work, your family, your communities, what matters most to you. | ||
| Actually, this sounds good, Lex. | ||
| I might have to join. | ||
| It sounds good, Lex. | ||
| Put it up. | ||
| No, I'm sorry. | ||
| Scroll back down. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know what? | |
| Hold on, Joe. | ||
| It worked, because now I'm talking about this shit on Joe Rogan, and she's pulling up the free hand. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm not showing anybody. | |
| They have to look it up themselves. | ||
| Bring about positive permanent shifts in the quality of your life. | ||
| Create power, freedom, self-expression, and peace of mind. | ||
| This sounds good, bro. | ||
| All this sounds good. | ||
| What have I done? | ||
| Malice, what the fuck is wrong with you? | ||
| More than 94% of participants surveyed reported that Landmarks Forum made a profound and lasting difference in their lives. | ||
| How about that's good? | ||
| That's 94%. | ||
| That's better than the vaccine. | ||
| The landmark form is designed to bring about positive permanent shifts in the quality of your life in just three days. | ||
| These shifts are the direct cause for a new and unique kind of freedom and power. | ||
| The freedom to be at ease and the power to be effective in the areas that matter most to you. | ||
| The quality of your relationships, the confidence in which you live your life, your personal productivity, your experience, Of the difference you make your enjoyment of life. | ||
| Those are all positive things, Michael Malice. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I can't believe her plan, apparently, to get you to do it at Adrie for Landmark. | |
| I don't know what they're doing. | ||
| Holy crap. | ||
| Maybe they're doing something that's below that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's about I want to change the subject as quickly as possible to literally anything else. | |
| Is it a thing where it seems negative because the people that get involved in it are all those folks that are just... | ||
| You know how there's some people that never seem to find an anchor in life. | ||
| You know, they kind of drift from one way of thinking to another. | ||
| I think a lot of the ways these organizations work, and it's not necessarily all bad, is that they provide lonely people a sense of community. | ||
| This is one of the ways AA works, and this is not a knock against AA. If you're someone who's an addict or an alcoholic and you're kind of alone in the gutter, you've got your drinking buddy or your heroin buddy, and now you've got a group of people who share your experiences, have your worldview, you're not alone. | ||
| It's positive. | ||
| I know AA gets a lot of knocks. | ||
| I got a lot of friends who are in recovery. | ||
| I think it's just done terrifically good things for them. | ||
| Doesn't work for everybody. | ||
| Yeah, I know a lot of friends who've had great benefits. | ||
| Yeah, and that is actually a real benefit. | ||
| I think you were talking earlier about social media. | ||
| I think a lot of people tend to be very isolated. | ||
| There's a lot of lonely people out there, more than even most of us realize. | ||
| We're social animals. | ||
| We're hungry to have someone. | ||
| We want to be seen. | ||
| We want someone who understands us. | ||
| We want someone not to feel so alone all the time. | ||
| And yeah, that's what something like AA provides. | ||
| Church provides that too. | ||
| Churches provide that too, yeah. | ||
| All these like that kind of Sam Harris atheism that religion's all negative and this kind of atheism thing. | ||
| I'm like, there's a reason people gravitate toward it and it's not all that they've been duped. | ||
| It does provide a service for a lot of people. | ||
| Yeah, it definitely provides the agreement that you're all making with each other. | ||
| You're all kind of making with each other this agreement that you're there to be good persons, good people in the eyes of God. | ||
| But it's also in the eyes of your community. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| But you're making that agreement, right? | ||
| So that's also in the eyes of your community. | ||
| You're making an agreement together that you're all going to follow these principles. | ||
| And you're going to forgive people, and you're going to help people, and you're going to put money together when someone needs something, when something goes wrong with someone in the community. | ||
| If you have a moral dilemma, you're going to remind yourself, you know what, I should do the right thing, even though it's going to be harder. | ||
| Yes, but people are famous. | ||
| It's famous for being very generous to other people that are in their churches. | ||
| I know of many friends who go to church and they'll talk about how the church raised money because someone had something wrong inside their church and they needed something fixed or something and they help each other out. | ||
| So it's like you just get this feeling of family when you're part of a community church. | ||
| It's like you go to see each other on Sunday, you look forward to it, everybody dresses up. | ||
| It's a net positive. | ||
| The problem that people have is with the taking of stories that are very, very old as just fact. | ||
| That's the only problem that people have with it. | ||
| If you looked at the net positives that come out of religions, other than when they go sideways, Right? | ||
| Like when they impose their religion on others and go into war. | ||
| But that's like natural human dominance characteristics that are exhibited through like the guise of religion. | ||
| The best aspects of religion are just living your life with a purpose. | ||
| It gives you like a scaffolding to think about like moral values and community values and that there's a higher thing above you, which helps dissolve the ego and helps you be humble. | ||
| Also, I think the idea of live as if someone's watching. | ||
| And I think that's something I don't think you need religion for that. | ||
| But if someone needs a religious framework to live this kind of ethical life and like make sure when you go to sleep, you can honestly say I tried to do the right thing as much as I could to the best of my ability. | ||
| I think that's kind of a good thing. | ||
| The other problem, the issue I have is their big suspicion of pleasure or happiness. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's a lot of that with religion that if you're having fun or if you are happy, and I know I'm going to get pushback on this, you did something wrong along the way, especially this fear of pleasure. | ||
| Black people win. | ||
| Black churches are the most fun things of all time. | ||
| Like, you see Biden at the black church and he's just standing there like he doesn't know how to move. | ||
| He's just standing there and everybody around him is dancing. | ||
| They're all having a great fucking time. | ||
| They know how to do it, dude. | ||
| They know how to do it. | ||
| That's actually one of Neil Hamburger's lines that when he tells a joke that bombs, he'll say, would that have been funnier if there's a black choir behind me? | ||
| And the answer is probably yes. | ||
| You know who else does it right? | ||
| Those fucking, the people who speak in tongues. | ||
| Oh, come on. | ||
| The snake charmers? | ||
| You know what that's like? | ||
| The charismatics? | ||
| Well, the people that speak in tongues, where they just go off and... | ||
| You know what that is like? | ||
| That's like a verbal mosh pit. | ||
| That's what it's like. | ||
| And everybody's like, Jesus speaks through him! | ||
| Jesus speaks through him! | ||
| There's something about that, too. | ||
| There's something, like, super entertaining about that old Sam Kennison-style revival church-type preacher. | ||
| Like, that's a fucking entertaining thing to watch. | ||
| But it also kind of harkens back to, like, the Greek Bacchanals, where everyone's just drunk and just having orgies and just losing their minds. | ||
| But it's the same kind of thing. | ||
| It's like, you believe Jimmy Swaggart because he's led you into his little realm of control, and he's your cult leader. | ||
| You know, if you believe that guy. | ||
| If your auntie's like, ah, I've sinned! | ||
| Remember when he got caught with, like, hookers and... | ||
| What was it, like, hookers and blow? | ||
| Is that what it was? | ||
| Is he the one who's back selling rice and cheesy broccoli? | ||
| No, that's the other guy. | ||
| That's Jim Baker. | ||
| Jim Baker is selling apocalypse food. | ||
| It's cheesy broccoli. | ||
| But he had apocalypse food that was like under the table and you would use it as a table instead of showing how you could store it around the house. | ||
| And instead of like having table legs, you could have all this boxed food under your table. | ||
| Like it's one of the wildest things you've ever seen in your life. | ||
| But it's also really funny that like if you guys are in his organization, shouldn't you be the ones getting raptured? | ||
| Like shouldn't you be like the hundred? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh God. | |
| There he is eating it! | ||
| Bulk sampler bundle imagine this is the guy that was this now this has a Sam Kinison connection too because he was He had the affair with Jessica Hahn right who is the secretary the hot secretary and Jessica Hahn wound up fucking Sam Kinison and they had I forgot about that Yeah, yeah terrible breakup there talk shit about each other on Howard Stern What do you think of what Howard's become recently? | ||
| Well, I mean— He's the only person I know who's gone, other than Penn maybe, who's gone from being red-pilled to blue-pilled. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| For people who don't know, let me do a little—because the kids these days don't know. | ||
| Howard Stern had a guy in his show, Stuttering John, and he would send them out to talk to celebrities, and he would ask them the most fucked-up questions. | ||
| And this wasn't before— This is before social media. | ||
| So they usually used to have a bear. | ||
| You can't just tweet at someone. | ||
| So when Jennifer Flowers in 92 was announcing that she had an affair with Bill Clinton, people thought he was going to sink his candidacy. | ||
| He sent his boy there and he asked her, did he use a condom? | ||
| And then he asked her, are you planning on sleeping with any other presidential candidates? | ||
| The reporters there were apeshit and they're trying to kick him out. | ||
| And it's really kind of funny when he had these comedians who had a stick up their ass. | ||
| I remember he talked to Billy Crystal and Billy Crystal was like, oh, let me have it. | ||
| And he's like, all right, are you going to be making a sequel to Mr. Saturday Night, like his big bomb? | ||
| And the look on Billy Crystal's face, just the pure rage, was absolutely hilarious. | ||
|
unidentified
|
God. | |
| That's hilarious. | ||
| Yeah, he did some wild shit. | ||
| And then I guess he had a falling out with Howard. | ||
| Then he went over to Jay Leno. | ||
| He was the announcer of the Jay Leno show. | ||
| So that was a great gig for him. | ||
| But he was very underrated. | ||
| He just was willing to... | ||
| But there was like that... | ||
| What he had created was... | ||
| A morning show that you had to listen to. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| You would go to work and you'd go, oh my god, did you hear Howard? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| And he did it every day. | ||
| And it was a super valuable thing because it didn't exist anywhere else. | ||
| If we're around today, we have all these social media memes that are hilarious and fucked up. | ||
| We have Reddit threads that are hilarious. | ||
| There's a lot of stuff out there where people are being outrageous. | ||
| But back then there wasn't. | ||
| Right, it was just Howard. | ||
| So you had a boring ass fucking job where you're like sitting in a truck all day, delivering packages or whatever it is. | ||
| And in that morning when you get to work, you're listening to Howard fucking Stern. | ||
| And he's got some lady who's riding on a vibrator. | ||
| And she's like, remember he had that thing to do with the Sibian, yeah. | ||
| He had different gals ride on this thing. | ||
| No, it was even worse. | ||
| If people wanted to promote their band, the mom would be controlling it, or the son would be controlling it, the mom would be sitting on it, or like brother and sister, and you're sitting there and you just want to kill yourself. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jesus Christ. | |
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| He just went for it. | ||
| And he got fined by the FCC. It was a big deal. | ||
| For saying like lusty lesbians and lust or something like that? | ||
| It was just nothing. | ||
| It was during the Bush era. | ||
| And this was back when the right was trying to censor people. | ||
| And this is our pivot and our shift again. | ||
| You know, it's really kind of fascinating. | ||
| It really is. | ||
| Like the culture shift between right and left authoritarianism. | ||
| And now people don't recognize that if you just stopped looking at it in terms of red and blue, look at the actions. | ||
| Whether it's war, suppression of free speech, pharmacological interventions that are mandatory, whatever the fuck it is, that used to all be associated with the authoritative right, the authoritarian right, and now those things are being embraced by the left. | ||
| And I just think it's just an ideology thing, and I think we get confused and we think, we're on the right side, we're on the right side, and if it's our side that's saying this, for sure it's the right thing to do, and no one's critically thinking about this. | ||
| I'm going to play Devil's Advocate because sometimes I feel like we need more of that because have you heard this show called Milf Manor? | ||
| I have. | ||
| We played a preview and I'm hoping it is what we thought it was. | ||
| Oh, I've been watching it. | ||
| Is it the sons of the ladies? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Okay, of course it is. | ||
| So you have a group of young dudes. | ||
| The youngest is 20. Oh! | ||
| And they're in a house with their own moms. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And it's like a dating pool. | ||
| That's the dating pool. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And the first episode, they had to feel their sons blindfolded. | ||
| They had to feel the sons' torsos to guess who their son was. | ||
| And you're watching this. | ||
| And these are not, by the way, the women seem kind of classy. | ||
| They have jobs. | ||
| They're professionals. | ||
| They don't look like complete gutter rats. | ||
| And you're watching and you're like, this is why we need an atom bomb to destroy the world. | ||
| And I can't not watch. | ||
| I can't not watch. | ||
| And you're wondering, like, who's going to end up with... | ||
| But come on, isn't it fun that that's a real thing? | ||
| Isn't it fun, if you went back to, like, Wheel of Fortune, and you know what the new game show's going to be like? | ||
| But you're talking to me, right? | ||
| I hosted fucking Fear Factor. | ||
| That's right, yeah. | ||
| I hosted Fear Factor for six years, dude. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right, that's right. | |
| That was the worst thing, yeah. | ||
| I did, like, I don't know how many episodes we did. | ||
| It's like 148 episodes or something crazy? | ||
| Yeah, the worst thing is like, oh no, people are nude and walking down a runway. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And now it's like, yeah, I'm just dating my, I'm just, my mom's trying to date my bro. | ||
| I was saying while we were doing it, I was always making fun of it, I go, we're about three seasons away from The Running Man. | ||
| I go, all we need is one natural disaster. | ||
| I was always joking about it on set. | ||
| Because one of the things about Fear Factor, Episodes one through four I did sober. | ||
| Okay, that's it the whole thing I was high as a kite Every time I did it I was high as a kite It was the only time it was fun because then it became really fun because before that it was like I wish these guys didn't I would get this like pity in me like God I wouldn't want to eat an animal's dick on TV I wish these people like didn't need to get their credit card debt paid so badly that they're I don't want to do this to them. | ||
| It's not my idea. | ||
| There was a couple of times where I told them, don't do it. | ||
| There was only two times in the history of the show where I went to the producers. | ||
| I'm like, don't do this. | ||
| What were they? | ||
| One of them was bull riding. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| They were going to have these people ride bulls. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| And the fucking stuntmen are incredible. | ||
| First of all, stuntmen are a different breed of human. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They're dudes who don't give a fuck if they break an arm. | ||
| They're fucking men. | ||
| They're all these, like, choose... | ||
| One of them, this guy, Perry, he's... | ||
| He didn't spit his dip out because he was so used to being on sets. | ||
| He got used to swallowing his dip. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| So he's got dip in his mouth, and instead of spitting the saliva out, he's swallowing it. | ||
| Is that going to make you sick? | ||
| Not him! | ||
|
unidentified
|
The fuck? | |
| He did it all day long! | ||
| So... | ||
| All these folks who are the stuntmen are these fucking rugged, they're all like martial artists. | ||
| They all have fucking broken kneecaps and shit. | ||
| They're all animals, right? | ||
| And so their version of like what's dangerous physically is different than my version. | ||
| I'm like, that's a bull. | ||
| And so this dude says to me, he goes, don't worry about it, boo, it's just a stunt bull. | ||
| I go, does the bull know he's a stunt bull? | ||
| Yeah, what the fuck does that mean? | ||
| They're less aggressive. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| By what measure? | ||
|
unidentified
|
By what measure? | |
| It's still like 2,000 pounds. | ||
| Dude, and they're in the cage, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
And they're trying to get out of the cage. | |
| I'm like, don't do this. | ||
| I'm like, don't do this. | ||
| We just rolled the dice. | ||
| They rolled the dice. | ||
| Was everyone okay? | ||
| Everyone was okay. | ||
| Luckily, but this one light girl, she was light. | ||
| She was like 100 pounds. | ||
| This thing fucking launched her through the air. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, of course. | |
| And then kicked backwards and almost hit her head. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| Like this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Woo! | |
| It was terrifying. | ||
| I mean, she lands on her back. | ||
| Like, it's rough. | ||
| I wouldn't have done it. | ||
| I mean, I would not have done it. | ||
| And I know there's guys out there that ride bulls, and they know what the fuck they're doing, and they're animals, and I respect it. | ||
| It's not that I don't think you should do it. | ||
| Like, I think if you want to do flips on a BMX bike, I want you to do it. | ||
| Yeah, but be informed of what you're doing, yeah. | ||
| Learn how to do it. | ||
| But don't just jump on it for a fucking TV show. | ||
| What was the other one? | ||
| The other one was drinking cum. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| They had to drink donkey cum. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| So here's me, right? | ||
| Imagine me showing up at work. | ||
| What do they have to do today? | ||
| Hi as a kite, right? | ||
| And they're like, well, we're going to make them play horseshoes to drink donkey cum. | ||
| I go, what? | ||
| Donkey urine, too. | ||
| How do you say cum on corporate TV? Sperm. | ||
| Sperm you said, okay. | ||
| I think. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| What else could you call it? | ||
| Semen? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Yeah, okay. | ||
| Maybe semen? | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Right? | ||
| What's the technical? | ||
| Sperm? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Juice. | |
| Juice is what they call it in the... | ||
| Donkey juice. | ||
| It's clear what it is. | ||
| Yeah, bro. | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| How much did they have to drink? | ||
| A lot. | ||
| It seems like it'd be hard to get... | ||
| Like a beer Steinworth. | ||
| It seems like it'd be hard to get down. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So there's a video of it. | |
| Oh my god. | ||
| So they were all twins. | ||
| It was a twins episode. | ||
| Twin boys and twin girls. | ||
| And they drank sperm and urine. | ||
| I was like, don't do this. | ||
| But this is the thing. | ||
| This is what happens when... | ||
| This is on NBC. I remember. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I watched it. | |
| So someone from NBC gave this the green light. | ||
| She's crying. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How weird. | |
| She looks like Marilyn Manson. | ||
| Quiet while she's drinking cum. | ||
| This is horrible. | ||
| Takes her back to prom night. | ||
| I remember one episode very vividly because they had to eat bull testicles. | ||
| That's nothing. | ||
| That's Rocky Mountain Oysters. | ||
| It was these huge dudes and this girl's like 100 pounds and she's like, it's not that it's testicles. | ||
| This is just a lot of food to get down. | ||
| It's like a pound of food in five minutes. | ||
| I can't do that. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Especially for small people. | ||
| There was this one guy who had to eat I forget what organ it was. | ||
| It was like a dried gallbladder or something like that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| Or kidney. | ||
| And you have a certain amount of time to do it. | ||
| And if you don't complete it and have it swallowed within that time frame, then you're out. | ||
| And this guy was like eating it and just saying, this is no problem. | ||
| No problem at all. | ||
| And he was kind of joking around and doing it kind of slow. | ||
| And then as time was going on, I was like, hey man, you only got like three minutes left. | ||
| And then he starts panicking. | ||
| And you can't drink water. | ||
| He's not drinking water, what he's doing. | ||
| So he's trying to swallow, and he can't. | ||
| And he gets super frustrated, and at the end of it, he's got a chunk of it. | ||
| He never swallowed all of it. | ||
| So he got so upset, he's just fucking screaming and yelling like, Fuck! | ||
| Fuck! | ||
| It's like, it's volume. | ||
| It's a lot of volume. | ||
| And you're not allowed to drink water. | ||
| Like, in the beginning, you think you're going to be okay. | ||
| But then, as time goes on, you're like, oh my god, it's hard to swallow all this shit. | ||
| You know, you're chewing some fucking kidney, some dried up kidney. | ||
| Do you ever look back, like, I think a lot of people look back on the Trump presidency, like, did that really happen? | ||
| Like, do you look back, like, is that my life? | ||
| Like, for six years, I was that guy. | ||
| I look at my life right now like that. | ||
| What the fuck are you talking about? | ||
| My whole life has been like that from day one, right out of the womb. | ||
| I'm like, what the fuck is this? | ||
| Yeah, all of it. | ||
| Doesn't make any sense. | ||
| But that's just who I am. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't know what to do. | ||
| Did they bring it back or try to? | ||
| Yeah, they did. | ||
| We brought it back and that was what killed it. | ||
| It was the donkey cum. | ||
| Oh, that was the reboot? | ||
| That was the reboot. | ||
| Yeah, we did... | ||
| Feel like it was just too they were going too far It was scaring the shit out of me like the stunts were too extreme They were extreme to the point where I was like hey someone could fucking die Like I know we're pulling this off, but if we don't pull it off Like the bull was in the original episodes and the bull one was like early on in the show and I just think that the producers just like trusted the stunt guys and I just think stunt guys are just so next level tough and they're used to dealing with like stunt people and not just dealing | ||
| with like Some contestants on a television show. | ||
| And as time went on, they became much more conservative. | ||
| Like, they didn't do things like that again. | ||
| Like, I would say, after that, most of the stunts for the whole rest of the first seasons were, like, reasonable risks. | ||
| Like, they did a good job of managing that. | ||
| None of them freaked me out. | ||
| But the new ones freaked me out. | ||
| The new ones, they had, like, this helicopter thing, and you got, what was a bungee cord under the helicopter, and you get launched towards the helicopter. | ||
| I was like... | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| Things break. | ||
| You've got people hanging over a canyon. | ||
| It was so wild. | ||
| They were tied to a tree and they had to unlock themselves. | ||
| And as they unlocked themselves, they hit a thing and they go launching because there's a bungee cord that attaches them to a fucking helicopter that's hanging over a canyon. | ||
| So they go flying through the air and then bounce down over this canyon. | ||
| I'm like... | ||
| Any wrong calculation, any weird wind, any fucking fraying of the ropes, the failure of the metal that's the clasp that holds the bungee cord to the fucking helicopter. | ||
| I was like, this was terrifying, dude. | ||
| This terrified the shit out of me. | ||
| It really did. | ||
| So as they unlocked themselves, Yeah. | ||
| I guess they didn't have to hit anything. | ||
| I think they just, they have to figure out all the keys. | ||
| So it's a race. | ||
| You have a whole handful of keys and you can get lucky. | ||
| You can get lucky and get that key the first time and then she gets launched. | ||
| Like, look at that. | ||
| Holy crap. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bro, fuck all that. | |
| Just fuck all that. | ||
| I can't even stand being on top of a tall building. | ||
| I don't like it either. | ||
| I get vertigo. | ||
| We did a lot of tall building stuff too. | ||
| I'd look over the edge like... | ||
| I can't handle that shit at all. | ||
| Even if I'm just hanging out at a party, I'm like, I can't be near the edge. | ||
| I get vertigo. | ||
| Yeah, we had people walk across beams that were set between two buildings in downtown LA. But they at least have something attaching them, right? | ||
| So if they fall, they're fine. | ||
| Yeah, that's fine. | ||
| But that was when I first found out about Skid Row. | ||
| I didn't know about Skid Row. | ||
| It's real. | ||
| It's a real street. | ||
| I didn't know that either. | ||
| I didn't know how bad it was. | ||
| It was so bad. | ||
| It's gotten worse though. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Way worse. | |
| It's crazy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Way worse. | |
| Have you seen those videos? | ||
| People just do these YouTubes. | ||
| They just walk on stage. | ||
| It's just tent after tent after tent. | ||
| Well, I had that guy from Soft White Underbelly. | ||
| What's that gentleman's name again? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We'll pull it up. | ||
| But he's done a lot of interviews with these people from down there. | ||
| Have you ever seen Soft White Underbelly on YouTube? | ||
| It's really good, dude. | ||
| Really good. | ||
| He's a really good interviewer. | ||
| And he interviews all of these people that... | ||
| Mark Leita. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Sorry, Mark. | ||
| I have no more room in my brain. | ||
| My brain's fucked. | ||
| But this show that he has on YouTube, he interviews pimps and gang members and people who are addicted to heroin. | ||
| Street hookers, people with schizophrenia. | ||
| He interviews this inbred family in the hills of West Virginia. | ||
| Like, the whole family's inbred. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| The son talks and barks. | ||
| He just barks like a dog. | ||
| And you see them. | ||
| It's so wild. | ||
| Like that X-Files episode? | ||
| I'll show it to you because it's so crazy that people don't believe it. | ||
| This is like our crumb shit. | ||
| Beyond. | ||
| Beyond. | ||
| But he interviews people and he's like really kind and he's very non-judgmental. | ||
| So he gets people to talk about all kinds of stuff, like how they got into prostitution. | ||
| What was it like the first time they did drugs? | ||
| When did they know they were hooked? | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| This is the whole family. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Dude, it's crazy. | ||
| This is Hills Have Eyes. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| You hear that guy, the barking? | ||
| That's the son. | ||
| He barks. | ||
| Yeah, let's see some of the video. | ||
| This is the guy. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| So this is a guy who is like in his probably 50s or 60s. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Tell me about your brother. | |
| He can't talk, so a question like that, he can't answer. | ||
| He can say yes to things, like as barks, and he nods his head. | ||
| But he can understand. | ||
| He understands some things, but like him saying, tell me about your brother, he probably got uncomfortable, which is why he left, because he can't talk. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What's your favorite memory, Ray? | |
| Do you remember anything about your life? | ||
| This is the most uncanny valley shit I've ever seen. | ||
| Yeah, it's the whole family, too. | ||
| It's not just this gentleman. | ||
| Are they just all fucking each other? | ||
| Well, we went over this before, but it was like more than inbred. | ||
| It was like inbreds inbreeding. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh my god, look at that guy on the sofa. | ||
| The whole family's like that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck. | |
| Some of them can talk. | ||
| One of them graduated high school. | ||
| Give me some volume on this so we can hear this. | ||
| So what are your names? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ray, Ray, Tammy. | |
| I'm sorry. | ||
| Who's this? | ||
| His name's Ray. | ||
| Ray? | ||
| I remember Ray. | ||
| I photographed you Ray. | ||
| Do you remember? | ||
| Years ago. | ||
| See, that's what he can do. | ||
| He can nod and yes. | ||
| You can ask him yes or no questions. | ||
| Is that Tim Pool? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Tim Pool, that was Beanie. | |
| Sorry, Tim. | ||
| It's like when Clark Kent takes his glasses off. | ||
| You're like, how? | ||
| Nobody recognizes Superman with those stupid glasses on. | ||
| I have Tim Pool's Beanie hanging in my house next to Alex Jones' tinfoil hat. | ||
| So this is, you know, this is just one of his crazy videos. | ||
| His many, many, many videos. | ||
| Oh, it even says Inbridge Family, the Whitakers. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's... | |
| I mean, the channel... | ||
| 36 million views. | ||
| Holy crap. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, this is an update. | ||
| This is the sequel. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, well, there's a different video, too. | |
| Yeah, he went back and visited them. | ||
| He's visited them more than once. | ||
| He tries to help out, but it's like the community's very protective of them. | ||
| Oh, good. | ||
| Okay, I'm glad that they're being not bullied and treated. | ||
| Well, I think they probably have been a lot. | ||
| Well, sure, but if the community's looking out for them, that's good. | ||
| Yeah, when strangers come around, then other people from the community come around and investigate. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| So he had that happen. | ||
| Okay, good. | ||
| Yeah, so it's good. | ||
| But Mark is in Skid Row every day, like filming. | ||
| He pays people and does interviews with them. | ||
| And he's just sort of documenting some aspects of our society that you don't get a chance to see the humanity in these people. | ||
| You just see people living on the street and you don't think of them as being like someone's daughter or someone's son or someone's sister or mother. | ||
| You just think, oh, that's a fucking loser junkie. | ||
| Look at this loser. | ||
| Well, I mean, a lot of them are just mentally ill, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
A lot of them are mentally ill. | |
| And a lot of them are going to be self-medicating. | ||
| Some of them are not. | ||
| They don't seem that mentally ill. | ||
| What it seems like is they're products of horrible abuse. | ||
| So this is Los Angeles in 2023. If you drive down the street, it is a fucking dystopian nightmare that you couldn't imagine. | ||
| The entire sidewalk on both sides is filled with tents. | ||
| It's just so it's so insane the sheer numbers of homeless That if this was zombies if this was zombies instead of homeless people like people We would be overwhelmed with zombies, but it would be like a zombie you would have to leave but Joe Austin was like this Not that bad. | ||
| But it was certainly in that direction. | ||
| It was on that direction. | ||
| They cleaned a lot of it up, but I've been informed that they didn't clean it up by the lake. | ||
| I've been informed that if you go by the lake, there's a lot of homeless people. | ||
| But I remember walking down Cesar Chavez, it was tent after tent after tent. | ||
| I was with a friend and it was very disturbing. | ||
| Something happened during the pandemic where it really accelerated. | ||
| Because of the economic stress that people went under, and I think the mental health stress that a lot of people went under, And, you know, so many people just lost it. | ||
| And, you know, so many people got fired. | ||
| I mean, you think about the unprecedented loss of jobs during the lockdown and what kind of an increase that must have had in homelessness. | ||
| It must be off the charts. | ||
| Well, I just don't understand the argument for people who think this is something that's like ideal or good or acceptable. | ||
| You don't have to fix that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Right. | ||
| Are you guys in the government or not? | ||
| Are you in charge of everything, including our health? | ||
| So if you are, why aren't you doing something about that? | ||
| Especially because the people who are there who are mentally ill, maybe they're drug addicts, they're the victims of violence from the others, too. | ||
| It's not like it's safe for them or it's ideal for them. | ||
| So I don't understand. | ||
| I've never heard a good argument for why this is allowed to happen. | ||
| Sleeping in cloth houses on the street with a bunch of other mentally ill people. | ||
| Like, the possibility of dangers off the charts. | ||
| And it's almost like we have two worlds that are going on simultaneously, right? | ||
| You have the world that you and I live in, and then you have homeless tent world where it's basically like fucking Mad Max, and no one's doing jack shit about it, and who knows who's running things, and who's fucking who, and who's... | ||
| Giving people drugs and who's shitting on the sidewalk and it's it's happening in the same city So you've got guys like you that are living great You got a nice place and look at the view and you have your coffee at the local coffee shop and three blocks away is Mad Max and it's it's you're talking about Thousands and thousands of people living like this. | ||
| It's not a hundred But the question I always ask is whose is benefiting because someone's benefiting from this if it's being allowed to happen Well, my friend Coleon, Coleon Noir. | ||
| Coleon, he was a lawyer and he was talking to this guy in San Francisco and he was like, what's the problem? | ||
| It's like, they just don't have any funding to fix this? | ||
| And the guy said, no, no, no, no. | ||
| No, the problem is there's a bunch of people that get paid. | ||
| To work on the homeless situation. | ||
| Oh, there it is. | ||
| And they get big salaries. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| Big salaries. | ||
| Six figures. | ||
| One of them was like $200,000 plus working on homelessness and not doing a very good job of it. | ||
| I mean, like, what are you doing to fix it? | ||
| What are you doing to fix it when it's this big? | ||
| Anybody that says they're working on the home... | ||
| Well, this is our solution. | ||
| And you go down Skid Row. | ||
| They're like, you failed. | ||
| Like, you guys failed. | ||
| Like, this is a national... | ||
| This is like a... | ||
| It's a national tragedy that this exists in every city. | ||
| We should be embarrassed by it, and it should be fixed as quickly as possible. | ||
| One of our number one priorities is not let people camp out in the streets all night long everywhere. | ||
| Well, it's fixed when there's some kind of big event coming through town. | ||
| They round them up, they put them somewhere, and then it just reverts to normal. | ||
| Shuffle them. | ||
| We have how much to send to Ukraine? | ||
| We don't have enough to fix this. | ||
| How did we just develop that money to ship to Ukraine? | ||
| Because it was imperative. | ||
| We needed that money. | ||
| We don't need the money to fix these homeless situations? | ||
| It was funny. | ||
| My buddy John, who lives in Burbank, who's one of my closest friends, when the proposition here was on, or the referendum, whatever it was, on the ballot to kind of clean up the... | ||
| Make it illegal to sleep on the street in a tent. | ||
| And he's like, I don't believe it. | ||
| Like, where are they going to put all these people? | ||
| And I go, I don't care. | ||
| Like, the point is, house them somewhere. | ||
| They don't have to have primetime real estate. | ||
| But this isn't good for them. | ||
| This isn't good for anybody. | ||
| It's not good for anybody. | ||
| But the thing about the housing them is, in many situations, what happens is they make them be clean. | ||
| So if you want to stay in this situation, you have to be clean. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They had this one area outside of Brentwood, had something to do with some veterans park or something like that, where they allowed people to camp. | ||
| They'd come up with a solution. | ||
| We're going to allow you to camp out in this one area. | ||
| We're going to provide you with these places to sleep, but you have to be clean. | ||
| And so you know what happened? | ||
| People put tents just on the other side of the fence. | ||
| And so they got all the benefits of being right there, but they can still do drugs. | ||
| They got all their community. | ||
| Everyone's right there. | ||
| You're free to come and go. | ||
| Walk in and out as you want. | ||
| You just can't sleep there. | ||
| There's something else I want to talk to you about. | ||
| I'm glad I remembered it. | ||
| Did you hear, and I want to hear your thoughts on it, that my second favorite politician, I forget the guy's name, I'm so sorry, he introduced a bill in the state legislature for Texas to become an independent country. | ||
| That's, you know, that was like, we're like the last state to give in, right? | ||
| Texas was? | ||
| I think if you go back and look at Texas's original, what it really originally was, it was like a republic. | ||
| Right, the Republic of Texas. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And there's still a house where the ambassador owned. | ||
| What year did it become a state? | ||
| Oh, I don't know. | ||
| It's got to be like 1830s or 40s, I would guess? | ||
| I think there was a lot of people that were super skeptical about joining the union. | ||
| Oh, okay, not too shabby. | ||
| 1845. Yeah. | ||
| The 28th state. | ||
| For nine years it was its own country. | ||
| That's so crazy. | ||
| That's so crazy. | ||
| I mean, what's your thoughts on that? | ||
| I think it's a stupid idea. | ||
| Why? | ||
| I'm all for it. | ||
| You're all for us becoming another country? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| And then we get invaded. | ||
| Why? | ||
| By who? | ||
| By the rest of the country. | ||
| You don't want to be apart from all these maniacs. | ||
| You don't want to be in another country than people that live in Oklahoma. | ||
| Listen, they hate each other enough about football. | ||
| Do you know how bad they'd hate each other if Texas was another country? | ||
| You needed a passport to get in? | ||
| There's lots of countries I hate right now. | ||
| I'm not interested in invading them. | ||
| Well, look at Ukraine and look at Russia. | ||
|
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Right. | |
| Right next to each other. | ||
| You don't think that there's a possibility in the future, like maybe a hundred years from now, if Texas becomes a country that like New Mexico doesn't just invade us? | ||
| Wait, but the concern is that right now Washington's gonna invade us. | ||
| Right now? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| If we stay? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| In what way? | ||
| Meaning if Texas or Florida or any of these other states becomes too defiant, or if it's the other way around, if you have a Republican administration and some leftist state decides to be like, we're not going to be enforcing borders or immigration rules, someone might send in the feds. | ||
| And they talk about it all. | ||
| In fact, just Governor Abbott had to stand up to Biden and make this bill, or I don't remember what it exactly was, but just insisting the National Guard's answer to him and not to the president. | ||
| I know this is a bill in New Hampshire as well, I think, called Save the Guard. | ||
| Well, that's why states' rights are important. | ||
| Yeah, but it's a lot easier to not have to worry about D.C. than to expect D.C. to lessen their power. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| I don't know, man. | ||
| I think we should be moving towards a better country. | ||
| Yeah, that's what the Republic of Texas would be. | ||
| But I think together, collectively. | ||
| Yeah, us Texans. | ||
| You're hilarious. | ||
| It's true. | ||
| I could not be more for this. | ||
| I don't want to have a passport if I need to go to Philly. | ||
| So don't go to Philly. | ||
| I'm going to Philly. | ||
| But you have a passport. | ||
| I do shows. | ||
| You have a passport. | ||
| Yeah, but I don't want to use that every time I fly to fucking New Hampshire. | ||
| That's stupid. | ||
| Well, you have to show ID anyway at the airport. | ||
| I like America, being America. | ||
| I think we just need to figure out why we're in these ideological rifts that are so fucking polarizing and rabid. | ||
| I think we need to figure that out. | ||
| I think that's possible. | ||
| Just like I think the hippie movement came out of nowhere in the 50s. | ||
| I think there's like a radical, rational, centrist movement that could come about today. | ||
| I really do. | ||
| I think there's enough people like you and I that just think, this is bananas, this subscribing to one predetermined pattern of behavior and fucking rules of thought, and the other one is like polar opposite of it, and you could switch, but you can only switch once. | ||
| Well, yeah, that's perfect. | ||
| So you have Texas, and you have, I don't give a fuck, and you could have your choice. | ||
| Do you think this is impossible that's going to happen? | ||
| No. | ||
| No, I don't think it's impossible. | ||
| I think if something really horrible happened, it could happen. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Something went down. | ||
| I'm thinking of Nigel Farage when he was on the floor of the EU when Brexit was executed, and he said, when I came here 17 years ago, you all laughed at me. | ||
| You're not laughing now, are you? | ||
| 17 years from now, you could be correct. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's on the—it's officially part of the Texas Republican state—their bill. | ||
| There's a bunch of things— Platform, excuse me. | ||
| With all due respect for Texans. | ||
| There's a bunch of things that I don't know if you give Texans the right to vote on. | ||
| Oh, I don't know that we're going to be a democracy once Texas becomes free. | ||
| There's some wild people living in the state. | ||
| Women's suffrage is going to be a question. | ||
| No, I don't think that'll be a problem. | ||
| I mean, Ann Richardson was the governor. | ||
| Ann Richardson, yeah, but that was over 20 years ago. | ||
| She was a different kind of Democrat, though. | ||
| She wasn't. | ||
| Yeah, she was. | ||
|
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|
How? | |
| She was different than the ones you get today. | ||
| It was like pre-woke. | ||
|
unidentified
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Oh, that's true. | |
| Yeah, yeah, that's true. | ||
| She was different than today. | ||
| Pre-woke Democrat. | ||
| Yeah, she was a sassy broad. | ||
| Yeah, and she was like a strong woman. | ||
| Like, she was, you know, you can't be like a wimp. | ||
| Yeah, but she got her ass handed to her by George W. Bush. | ||
| Eh. | ||
| George W. Bush back then was not bad. | ||
| There's a misconception. | ||
| If you go and listen to George W. Bush's speeches when he was running for governor, and then look at when, I don't know what decline, what happened to him, but something happened to his ability to speak well. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| People forget this. | ||
| In 2000, he debated Al Gore, who was a senator for many years, very articulate, very bright man, and he won or at least held his own in those debates. | ||
| Four years later with John Kerry, he wasn't speaking complete sentences. | ||
| Poland. | ||
| Do you think that he ran a ruse on us? | ||
| A ruse? | ||
| This guy ran a ruse on us? | ||
| This man ran a hustle upon us. | ||
| Do you think that maybe that's what he did? | ||
| How so? | ||
| Maybe he just played dumb. | ||
| I'm going to hand this fucking torch over to Chaney. | ||
| I'm going to be over here painting. | ||
| I think he's clearly a lot smarter than he let on. | ||
| Yeah, that's what I'm saying. | ||
| And he leaned into this kind of good old boy crap. | ||
| Like Larry the Cable guy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That kind of deal. | ||
| Yeah, but I don't know. | ||
| I'm just very excited. | ||
| Larry's name is Dan. | ||
| Is it really? | ||
| Yeah, he's a hilarious comic. | ||
| Dan Whitney. | ||
| He follows me on Twitter. | ||
| Larry's a great guy. | ||
| It's a character. | ||
| It's a character and he's a funny joke writer. | ||
| He's a funny guy. | ||
| He's got some good jokes. | ||
| I'm sitting here. | ||
| I got Alex yesterday to endorse the idea. | ||
| You have an idea of leaving Texas? | ||
| No, of leaving Texas. | ||
| Texas Reassuring Sovereignty, yeah. | ||
| And I think it's going to happen. | ||
| And here's the other reason why I think it's going to happen. | ||
| You can talk a lot of people into it. | ||
| If it was 2014, and I came into this room, and I said, which is more likely? | ||
| Texas is going to declare its independence, or Donald Trump's going to be our next president? | ||
| Everyone listening to this would put their money on Texas, and they'd be right to do it. | ||
| Um... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| When Trump ran for president, I joked about it on my Netflix special in 2016 before the election. | ||
| People were laughing at the idea. | ||
| I'm like, he can win. | ||
| Yeah, of course. | ||
| And he can. | ||
| This is the other thing that drives me crazy. | ||
| Either nominee can win. | ||
| The idea that Kamala Harris can't win or Biden can't win or Trump can't win, you're crazy. | ||
| If you have one of the two parties behind you, you have a fighting chance, period. | ||
| Yeah, I was saying that I hoped Hillary can win. | ||
| I hoped Hillary won because I wanted them to have a woman president so they can say, oh, women suck at this too. | ||
| Everybody sucks at that job. | ||
| No woman's going to do a great job. | ||
| No man's going to do a great job. | ||
| They all suck. | ||
| Julia Louis-Dreyfus was tweeting about how, like, oh, democracy's great. | ||
| You should go out and vote. | ||
| And I just replied to her. | ||
| I go, you won several Emmys for showing for years that politicians are sociopaths. | ||
| That was your character. | ||
| She blocked me instantly. | ||
| Isn't that amazing? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Isn't that amazing? | ||
| No, that's only the character. | ||
| Yeah, it's not real life. | ||
| It's real life. | ||
| Everyone's kind, and they look out for the average person. | ||
| Yeah, and people just fucking hang themselves 30 miles from their home, shoot themselves in the chest, and they find no weapon, but they declare it a suicide. | ||
| Whatever, whatever. | ||
| Are you... | ||
| Whatever, whatever, Michael. | ||
| Are you white-pilled or black-pilled about the future of this country? | ||
| Oh, I'm okay. | ||
| I'm okay? | ||
| What does that mean? | ||
| I'm okay. | ||
| I'm like a gray. | ||
| What does that mean? | ||
| I'm like a... | ||
| I don't like it now, but I think we'll have sunnier days. | ||
| Yeah, that's white-pilled. | ||
| You know, it's gray. | ||
| Yeah, that's not gray. | ||
| It's white-pilled. | ||
| I'm gray. | ||
| It's not black, and it's not white. | ||
| The white pills hope. | ||
| Yeah, but I'm not totally hopeful. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| The reality of human life is that we're subject to a host of uncontrollable natural disasters that are imminent. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| They're going to happen. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Yellowstone's going to blow, we're going to get hit by an asteroid, and we might nuke ourselves too. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| Like, all that stuff is real too. | ||
| So that's all on the table. | ||
| And also, I've talked to enough people that... | ||
| They're really educated in the history of ancient cultures and ancient civilizations, and the evidence of natural disasters wiping people out and people having to start from scratch, it seems like we're a part of this giant never-ending cycle of getting knocked back into the Stone Age and then rebuilding to a new version of complex society. | ||
| I think we're on a version of that now, but I think there's been many versions of that. | ||
| I think that that's also on the table for us. | ||
| But I think it'd be a lot easier for us to bounce back than someone 2,000 years ago with our technology and our ability to... | ||
|
unidentified
|
No? | |
| No. | ||
| No. | ||
| Not at all. | ||
| Not at all. | ||
| Because when it hits, first of all, very few people survive and everything goes to shit. | ||
| There's no electricity, no generators work, there's no one pumping oil. | ||
| No one knows how to make a generator. | ||
| No one knows how to make a cell phone. | ||
| So all that technology is lost. | ||
| Well, the Jim Baker people do. | ||
| But what would this be? | ||
| Other than a meteor hitting the earth, what would cost this? | ||
| Supervolcano would kill almost all of us. | ||
| The Yellowstone Supervolcano, it's a caldera volcano. | ||
| They didn't realize that it was so big until somewhere in the 2000s, I think it was, they did satellite imagery and they realized, oh my god. | ||
| That's the caldera of a volcano, like this Yellowstone thing. | ||
| We thought it was just this crazy place with hot springs. | ||
| Like, no, that's a super volcano that is a continent killer. | ||
| And it blows every six to eight hundred thousand years, and everyone dies. | ||
| Like, the whole fucking country dies. | ||
| And it happens every six to eight hundred thousand years, and the last time it happened was like six hundred thousand years ago. | ||
| See, that's another reason Texas should be its own country. | ||
| Well, we'll get hit. | ||
| We'll get hit. | ||
| We're all gonna die. | ||
| If that happens, we're fucked. | ||
| Like, maybe people in New Zealand will live and those folks will be the new people. | ||
| You know, it's happened before. | ||
| Was it Toba? | ||
| Was that what it was? | ||
| Yeah, in Indonesia? | ||
| There was a Toba volcano in Indonesia 70,000 years ago that I think knocked the human race down to a few thousand people. | ||
| Holy shit, really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| These things happen, man, and they happen with regularity. | ||
| If you look at the timeline of the Earth, They happen all the time. | ||
| It's just, when? | ||
| Is it going to happen now, or is it going to happen a thousand years from now when we have enough technology to mitigate its effects in some way? | ||
| But when it happens, you get nuclear winter, everything dies, no crops, the sun doesn't get through. | ||
| The skies are filled with ash. | ||
| There's no food. | ||
| You can't really live your life with concern about something like that happening. | ||
| I'm not living my life with concern. | ||
| I'm saying that's also on the table. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sure. | |
| So that's why I'm gray. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Get it? | ||
| Because I'm like, yeah, hopefully it's going to be great, but maybe not. | ||
| And for all of us, the end is going to suck. | ||
| I'm glad to hear you're more concerned, as I am, if I had to choose, between natural disaster or, like, you know, we're all going to end up killing each other. | ||
| I'm concerned with both, but I'm always concerned with things that people are dismissive of or that they don't think of as a threat. | ||
| Because that's when they hit you. | ||
| When something like nobody, like people who lived in Pompeii, they're like, that volcano? | ||
| Don't worry about it. | ||
| We're good. | ||
| Until, you know, they just didn't understand. | ||
| Like, you're in a terrible spot to put a city. | ||
| Like, if that thing goes, and it goes all the time, it just doesn't go within your lifetime, so you don't understand. | ||
| Like, you're dealing with an ant's timeline. | ||
| You know, an ant to us, an ant lives for a fucking few days. | ||
| They're gone. | ||
| We live a hundred years if we're lucky. | ||
| Volcanoes are hundreds of thousands of years of activity. | ||
| And they go on these long cycles, some of them, these super volcanoes, and they just fucking blow, and you never know when it's going to happen. | ||
| And they create fucking islands in the middle of the ocean. | ||
| That's what Hawaii is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah. | |
| It's a fucking volcano that sprung out of the ocean. | ||
| And now you go vacation there and put fucking suntanial ocean on, sit out there and have margaritas. | ||
| You're on a volcano. | ||
| You're on the creative and destructive force of the earth, the thing that makes mountains, and you're camping out on it. | ||
| And that's our life. | ||
| That's the reality of living on Earth. | ||
| This is not stable. | ||
| That's why all these nutty people that are talking about climate change is going to kill us and it's going to kill us. | ||
| It's not good. | ||
| It's not good that we're polluting. | ||
| It's not good that we have a net negative effect on the atmosphere. | ||
| But also, there's so many other things to be concerned with. | ||
| We have zero solution to super volcanoes. | ||
| We have zero solution to asteroid impacts. | ||
| We have zero solution to things that have wiped out. | ||
| We know they killed off the dinosaurs. | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| We know it. | ||
| They fucking find the crater in the Yucatan. | ||
| They find craters all over the place. | ||
| They found a big one in Greenland or in Iceland. | ||
| Isn't there one in Siberia or somewhere? | ||
| Oh yeah, the Tunguska one. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, that's the one, yeah. | ||
| That's the one that they think happened during the time where Earth passes through this meteor shower. | ||
| There's a comet shower? | ||
| How do they refer to it? | ||
| I think it's every November and every June, we pass through this thing. | ||
| And most of the time, it just gives you meteor showers in the sky. | ||
| You see people get excited about that. | ||
| You can kind of predict when that happens. | ||
| Well, that's why they know that it's going to happen, because it happens during these times we go through this meteor shower. | ||
| That is what happened in Tunguska in the early 1900s because it happened during that timeline. | ||
| So whatever this thing was, it didn't even make impact with the ground. | ||
| It detonated in the sky and it killed like a million acres or some crazy shit of trees. | ||
| How much did... | ||
| I know I exaggerated that number. | ||
| How much did... | ||
| I think I did. | ||
| How much did Tunguska destroy? | ||
| No, but it was like some kind of crazy bomb equivalent. | ||
| Like a bomb. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, that's what they think happened to Earth around 11,800 years ago. | ||
| That's the Younger Dryas impact theory. | ||
| It's during the same timeline. | ||
| 12 megaton explosion. | ||
| Jeez Louise. | ||
| Holy shit, look at that picture. | ||
| And to this day, there's no trees there. | ||
| Seriously? | ||
| Yes, to this day. | ||
| Why? | ||
| Because it's fucking nuked. | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| Is it radioactive, like literally? | ||
| It just blew it out, man. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It just blew out whatever fucking it did to that area. | ||
| That soil sucks. | ||
| Holy crap. | ||
| Isn't that crazy? | ||
| 1908. That wasn't that long ago. | ||
| So they think that's also what happened at the end of the Ice Age. | ||
| They think that the Earth and, you know, North America's ice caps got smashed by comets. | ||
| And that's what caused, like, the Great Lakes. | ||
| And that's what caused, like, this mass erosion, topographical details in the Earth that lead out to the ocean, like these enormous fucking floods. | ||
| And that's probably Noah's Ark Flood. | ||
| It probably knocked human beings back into the fucking Stone Age again. | ||
| So our idea of civilization propping up or emerging around 6,000 years ago, which they used to think, these guys are saying it's probably way earlier than that. | ||
| It's probably 20,000 years. | ||
| And that explains the pyramids. | ||
| That explains these incredibly complex geometric structures they built in Africa. | ||
| Who knows how many thousand years ago? | ||
| How the fuck did they do it? | ||
| No one knows. | ||
| No one has any good ideas. | ||
| All the ideas suck. | ||
| All of them are, like, ridiculous. | ||
| And the structures are insane. | ||
| Like, who did that? | ||
| When did they do it? | ||
| So, you know, they think somewhere around 2,500 years B.C. But these guys are saying, you can't carbon date stone. | ||
| This is all guesswork. | ||
| And it's really possible that it could be way earlier than that. | ||
| You don't mean, like, the Great Pyramid. | ||
| Yes! | ||
| They know who built the Great Pyramid, don't they? | ||
| No, they don't. | ||
| No, they definitely don't. | ||
| Archaeologists have attributed it to certain pharaohs, but there's a lot of problems with that. | ||
| First of all, the Great Pyramids, they said they think they're tombs, right? | ||
| But there's no evidence of their tombs. | ||
| They've never found pharaohs in them or anything. | ||
| They have burial chambers. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| Those are different areas. | ||
| That's not the pyramids. | ||
| Not the pyramids themselves. | ||
| The pyramids are so massive. | ||
| There's 2,300,000 stones in the Great Pyramid. | ||
| The Great Pyramid was the tallest building on Earth until 1860, I think. | ||
| It was something crazy like that, yeah. | ||
| There's stones that were cut from a quarry that was 500 miles away. | ||
| Like they have no idea how they did that. | ||
| No idea how they moved them. | ||
| No idea how they got them through the mountains. | ||
| They cut obelisks that were like thousands of tons. | ||
| They moved them through the mountains and got them hundreds of miles away. | ||
| They have no idea how they did that. | ||
| They were probably very sophisticated. | ||
| But in a different way than us. | ||
| They probably had technology that we haven't figured out yet because we went to combustion engines and electricity and that's how we figured out how to use human creativity and constantly innovating and created technology that went in this way. | ||
| But it's really possible that another culture 20,000 years ago or whatever had figured out a way to innovate the way we have with combustion engines and electronics but in a completely different way. | ||
| I don't know what they would use, I don't know how they did it, but if you imagine human beings going from the Roman Empire 2,000 years ago to what we enjoy today, that's a tiny blip in time when you're talking about 20,000, 30,000 years. | ||
| If these people figured out some form of technology Some form of technology that we still haven't figured out yet. | ||
| It's totally possible that that could be the case. | ||
| And if that's the case, they got hit. | ||
| They got BOOM! BOOM! Comets slammed into the earth. | ||
| A giant percentage of the population died. | ||
| The people that survived clawed and scraped for generations, and they lived like barbarians, and they forgot everything. | ||
| And then they rebuilt, or moved into the pyramids. | ||
| To your point, the Sphinx, which is obviously one of the most amazing structures of the ancient world, the Egyptians don't talk about it. | ||
| It's just there. | ||
| They don't know when it was built or why. | ||
| And it's just odd that you imagine talking about New York and never mentioning the Statue of Liberty in your literature. | ||
| It doesn't make sense. | ||
| So that I know they don't have any kind of good explanation for. | ||
| I'm glad you brought that up. | ||
| And it was buried for a long time. | ||
| The Sphinx was not buried for a long time. | ||
| It was buried up to its neck. | ||
| The Sphinx also has an African face, and it's smaller than the shape of the rest of the body. | ||
| It's not in proportion, and it's much newer. | ||
| It doesn't have the erosion. | ||
| So they think that during the time when the pharaohs ran Egypt, that they might have... | ||
| Redone that in the shape of, I forget which pharaoh they're attributed to, but there's some controversy about that. | ||
| But here's why it's interesting that you brought up the Sphinx. | ||
| Because the Temple of the Sphinx is the best evidence that it's older than people think it is. | ||
| Because the Temple of the Sphinx is a guy named Dr. Robert Chalk. | ||
| What do you mean the Temple of the Sphinx? | ||
| The temple that's around the Sphinx, the area where the Sphinx is carved out of. | ||
| So the stones that they cut out of this area to make this ground, there's this flat wall that has a bunch of different kinds of stone in it. | ||
| And some of it is more dense and harder, and the other stuff is more porous, and it gets eroded quicker. | ||
| So there's all this evidence of thousands of years of rainfall on these walls. | ||
| And there's a guy named Dr. Robert Schalk, who's a geologist from Boston University. | ||
| And he measured it, and he went there and looked at it and examined it, just from the terms of like, as a geologist, not as a historian. | ||
| Because it fucks with the timeline. | ||
| Because the last time there was rain in the Nile Valley was like 9,000 years ago. | ||
| So it had to be thousands of years older than that because it has erosion from thousands of years of rainfall. | ||
| Because the Nile Valley used to be... | ||
| That's what it was when they first found it, right? | ||
| That was like in the olden days. | ||
| But look at how small the face is compared to the rest of the body. | ||
| They think it might have actually been a lion originally, and one of the pharaohs decided to have his face cut. | ||
| That's why the face is noticeably less eroded than the rest of it. | ||
| But you see the walls on the outside? | ||
| See, that's the temple. | ||
| And those lines, those fissures, according to Dr. Robert Schock, he says those lines are a clear sign of water erosion. | ||
| He's like, you don't get that kind of erosion from sand and wind. | ||
| He goes, there's like videos that describe it in cartoon form or in illustration form or images. | ||
| But those type of fissures are only created with erosion from water, from thousands of years of rainfall. | ||
| The problem with that is they think that that's 2500 BC. So what he's saying is, no, it's thousands and thousands of years older than that. | ||
| And we don't know who did it. | ||
| We don't know what happened. | ||
| You're just looking at structures. | ||
| You're just guessing. | ||
| I mean, they're educated guesses, but when people come along with opposing information or opposing ideas and theories about how it all went down, the archaeologists that have been teaching their version of ancient history They're very rigid, and they don't want to accept, like, new ideas. | ||
| They call them racist, or they'll call them... | ||
| Racist? | ||
| Yeah, oh, they call Graham Hancock racist for talking about this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
For what? | |
| It doesn't make any sense. | ||
| It's just they just throw that word at it, like, as if somehow or another re-date... | ||
| First of all, even if it's, like, 20,000 years ago, it's Africans. | ||
| Africans made the pyramids, 100%. | ||
| You know how I know? | ||
| How? | ||
| They're in Africa. | ||
| Well, no, but I mean, if you're ascribing advanced civilization to Africans, that's pro-African. | ||
| That's not anti-African. | ||
|
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|
Exactly. | |
| That's what I'm saying. | ||
| None of it makes any sense. | ||
| It's so dumb. | ||
| It's maybe because he's a white man. | ||
| By the way, he's married to a brown woman. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Beautiful woman, who's amazing. | ||
| His wife, Santa. | ||
| But the point is, he's just talking about ancient history. | ||
| None of it has to do with race or anything. | ||
| He's just talking about human beings. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| And they'll come up with all sorts of like pseudoscience labels they put on it and misinformation and they were telling him this forever and the more time goes on the more they find evidence that he's correct. | ||
| It's happening over and over and over and over and over and over again to the point where they've moved the dates of complex civilization all the way back to 12,000 years ago now because of Gobekli Tepe. | ||
| When they first found these fissures in the Temple of the Sphinx, they were like, there's no way, there's no evidence of any culture that existed that was sophisticated that long ago. | ||
| Where's the culture? | ||
| Where's the evidence? | ||
| Well, now they have evidence. | ||
| So it's like, because of Gobekli Tepe... | ||
| What is that? | ||
| It's a giant structure in Turkey that's like 12,000 years old. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| They know it was purposely covered. | ||
| Someone buried it up. | ||
| Someone, like, covered it 12,000 years ago. | ||
| I guess they know that because the soil samples are uniform. | ||
| It wasn't just gradual over time. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| This is all the evidence that shows that this was probably covered by some invading army. | ||
| There was literally a cover-up of an ancient civilization? | ||
| It's a literal cover-up. | ||
| Yeah, it's a literal cover-up. | ||
| When was this discovered? | ||
| This was discovered by a goat herder, I believe, or a sheep herder. | ||
| And he was walking along this mountainside, and he saw this cornerstone that was sticking up. | ||
| It looked like a right angle that he thought was weird. | ||
| So he starts digging at it, and he starts moving it around, and then he starts digging around it. | ||
| Looks like Stonehenge almost. | ||
| He starts calling in scientists. | ||
| He's like, hey, we got some shit here. | ||
| And so it's immense. | ||
| It's immense. | ||
| To this day, they only have, I think, 5% of it or 10% of it has been excavated. | ||
| And they've found through Lidar, there's similar structures that are all over the area. | ||
| So this is just one of many of these structures that was, look, some barbarians probably fucking came in, just slashed everybody up and decided to cover their shit. | ||
| Yeah, their holy areas. | ||
| Yeah, fuck you. | ||
| We're going to cover this. | ||
| Yeah, fuck you. | ||
| Think about what the Mongols did. | ||
| Holy crap. | ||
| I've never heard of this. | ||
| It's amazing, right? | ||
|
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Wow. | |
| But think about what the Mongols did where they would wipe out an entire city, kill everybody with bows and arrows and knives and shit and just level the city and do it to the ground. | ||
| People have been doing that forever. | ||
| They probably did that to these folks. | ||
| Whoever had these structures, they probably killed them all and then covered all their shit up. | ||
| Fuck you. | ||
| What about the conquistadors, whatever it was, where they're finding the Mayas or the Incas, where they just stood there and their arms were just tied because they just stood there killing. | ||
| Guys just came at them one after another and you just killed them all day. | ||
| It was fucking crazy. | ||
| Yeah, they thought the Aztecs thought that they were gods. | ||
| Yeah, because they're on horseback and then they're blonde. | ||
| So they came over from the sea like they've been prophesied. | ||
| You know what's crazy, too, is that horses used to be from North America. | ||
| Then they moved elsewhere and they came back? | ||
| Yeah, they died off. | ||
| And they think they died off at the same time as the impacts. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| There's like actual evidence, biological evidence, that fits with this Younger Dryas impact theory. | ||
| And there's like two coinciding things that Randall Carlson talks about. | ||
| But the extinction of like 65% of all megafauna on North America. | ||
| It all happened around 11,000 years ago. | ||
| I thought the argument was that that's when humans came and they out-competed them. | ||
| That's one theory, right? | ||
| That's the berserker theory. | ||
| Right. | ||
| That we killed so efficiently that we killed off all of them. | ||
| Because you had the Thunderbirds, you had the ground sloths, you had the direwolves, I think they were here. | ||
| The problem with that theory is, you're dealing with very primitive weapons. | ||
| When you go back that far, if you go back 11,000 years ago, I don't even think you have archery. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| I think you have atlatls, which is like a really shitty method of throwing a spear. | ||
| Like, I have a thing for my dog. | ||
| It's like a fucking... | ||
| It's like a... | ||
| I don't know what you call it. | ||
| It's a ball thrower, but it's like this little long stick that's curved, and at the end of it's the ball, and it gives you extra leverage. | ||
|
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|
Like a lacrosse thing? | |
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| Like a highlight. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Something like that. | ||
| So you throw it, and the ball goes further. | ||
| They had something like that for a spear. | ||
|
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Okay. | |
| And they had this thing and they would just like throw the spear better. | ||
| But you gotta like sneak up on animals. | ||
| Like you gotta get real close to them. | ||
| It's not easy. | ||
| It's definitely not easy. | ||
| And you probably stink because no one's figured out soap yet. | ||
| And the area is huge. | ||
| North America and South America are gigantic. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you're dealing with like plains animals. | ||
| You want me to believe they wiped out plains animals without horses? | ||
| Like shut the fuck up. | ||
| You know, we know what people did to the bison during the time where there was photography, right? | ||
| So we know because we have actual physical evidence of people standing on top of mountains of bison skulls. | ||
| People are capable of horrendous mass executions of animals, but they were doing that with long-range rifles. | ||
|
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Right, right. | |
| And systemically. | ||
| They were trying to do it. | ||
| That's how they were able to do it so quickly. | ||
| If you're just talking about people with no horses, because they don't have horses, right? | ||
| So they're just running around, because the horses somehow or another went extinct. | ||
| And I don't think they're killing more than they need to. | ||
| They're not really hunting for sport. | ||
| They're hunting for food. | ||
| They're hunting for furs. | ||
|
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Exactly. | |
| They're hunting for bones, whatever. | ||
| But they do occasionally kill more than they need. | ||
| Sure, but not to the point where I'm going to kill literally every animal around me. | ||
| They did cliff drops, though. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| The whole herd goes over the cliff and kills everybody? | ||
| Yeah, they did chase the herd off the cliff, and then they would go down around and eat them. | ||
| But they couldn't eat all of them. | ||
| It's impossible. | ||
| But that's what herd animals. | ||
| That's not going to explain the predators. | ||
| No, but you want to hear something crazy? | ||
| Sure. | ||
| Those buffalo bison drops like the biological waste all starts to rot and the gases and the fumes get so extreme that they cause fires like they spontaneously burst into flames and like the countryside in some of these areas where they have buffalo drops like the sides of the cliff are black with like soot because these fucking buffalo bodies burst into flames Holy... | ||
| Imagine how bad that stunk. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| I was just playing with... | ||
| There's an exotic zoo here in Johnson City. | ||
| Make sure that's true. | ||
| Make sure that's true. | ||
| I'm pretty sure it is. | ||
| Buffalo drops... | ||
| I just have too much useless information in my head like that. | ||
| I want to make sure it's accurate. | ||
| There might have been one somebody told me, but I don't think it is. | ||
| I think it's real. | ||
| There's a place in Johnson City where there's like a safari here near Austin and you could go. | ||
| The bison was just sticking its head in the car and sticking out its tongue. | ||
| It's the most fun thing ever. | ||
| You could see them in Yellowstone. | ||
| I took my family to Yellowstone. | ||
| We were too close for my comfort. | ||
| I didn't feel comfortable at all. | ||
| They're massive and they can be aggressive and it's scary. | ||
| Oh, they fuck people up when they get close to them. | ||
| There's a good Instagram page called the Torons of Yellowstone. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| You know, morons that are tourists and Torons. | ||
| And it's all just people flying through the air. | ||
| Oh, is it really? | ||
| Yeah, it's all just people getting kicked by elk and stabbed. | ||
| Yeah, it's fucking horrible. | ||
| People are so stupid. | ||
| They jump out of their car to say hi to a bear. | ||
| It's so dumb. | ||
| Oh, yeah! | ||
|
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Oh, yeah! | |
| A bear? | ||
|
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Oh, yeah! | |
| Dude, people are fucking dumb. | ||
| They try to take selfies with bears. | ||
| I think there's those folks that live in West Virginia that are inbred, and then there's a scale. | ||
| There's a scale from that... | ||
| To Elon Musk. | ||
| Somewhere on that scale, you think it's okay to take a fucking selfie with a bear. | ||
| I don't know what that is. | ||
| Do you think they watch too much Disney? | ||
| I just think they think it's not gonna happen to them because it hasn't happened to them yet. | ||
| I think people have this- that's what I think about like super volcanoes and shit, too. | ||
| It's like it hasn't happened yet, so you think it can't happen. | ||
| Or you know, I've never heard of any- this happening to anyone, so therefore it doesn't really happen. | ||
| Can't happen! | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, I've read about it, but whatever. | ||
| Dude, California has a grizzly bear as the flag. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's on the flag. | ||
| There's no grizzly bears in California. | ||
| They killed them all. | ||
| Do you know why they killed them all? | ||
| Because they killed people. | ||
| They killed so many people that they got together and they said, we gotta kill all these fucking bears. | ||
| And they killed all of them. | ||
| And the last guy that died from a grizzly bear was in Levesque, California. | ||
| How long ago was this? | ||
| Because they named it Levesque after him. | ||
| No. | ||
| Yeah, I think his name was Steven Levesque. | ||
| Yeah, he got fucking destroyed by a grizzly bear. | ||
| They killed the bear. | ||
| That was the last bear. | ||
| And then they fucking named the town after him. | ||
| But how are you going to keep bears out of California? | ||
| It's gigantic. | ||
| They murdered all of them. | ||
| Yeah, but there's still going to be some in like Oregon or Nevada who are going to come back. | ||
| No, there's no grizzlies in Oregon or Nevada. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Grizzlies only exist in a few western states. | ||
| They don't exist in Colorado, but they do think they might. | ||
| In fact, my friend Adam Greentree, he did a long hunt in the mountains, the San Juan Mountains of Colorado, and he got video of what he says is a grizzly bear that was off in the distance. | ||
| Did you see the grizzly bear I posted on my Instagram today? | ||
| No, I didn't. | ||
| Oh, boy. | ||
|
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Oh, boy. | |
| Oh boy. | ||
| So people just... | ||
| I love this video because it's a camera that's set up and someone put food in front of the camera and a light so that when the grizzly bear walked in, you can get video of this thing walking in. | ||
| So it's like a little cautious and a little skittish, but you get a sense of what it would look like if that thing was like walking up to you. | ||
| And any illusions... | ||
| Holy crap. | ||
| Any illusion that you have that you could somehow survive if that thing wanted to kill you. | ||
| Should be instantaneously erased when you see this video. | ||
| Look at the size of that fucking thing. | ||
| I mean, look at the fucking size of it. | ||
| Play that again, because it's so insane. | ||
| When you see it walking, the immense power of this thing. | ||
| It's like a truck. | ||
| And this thing could run 40 miles an hour. | ||
| Like, you're fucked. | ||
| Dude, I bet they run faster than 40 miles an hour. | ||
| No, there's no way. | ||
| I bet they do. | ||
| No, 40? | ||
| 40's crazy. | ||
| You would be stunned. | ||
| You'd be stunned if you saw how fast a grizzly bear runs. | ||
| Yeah, but 40's a crazy speed. | ||
| But don't you think a deer could do that? | ||
| Brown bear 35. Brown bear 25. Which brown bear 35? | ||
| Black bear what? | ||
| It's a polar bear 25. Oh. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
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Okay. | |
| 35 miles an hour. | ||
| Close to 40. Okay. | ||
| It's in the neighborhood. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| It's like fast as the fastest human that's ever lived. | ||
| And they could do it for a long time. | ||
|
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Oh my god. | |
| But there's one running. | ||
| Look how fast he's running. | ||
| That's from a car, yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Dude, I'm telling you, they're stunningly fast for a big thing. | ||
| Way faster than us. | ||
| Well, so I saw rhinos and hippos. | ||
| They're fucking... | ||
| It's insane. | ||
| Look at that fucker run. | ||
| Well, they're all muscle. | ||
| They're just muscle and fat and fur. | ||
| And thick-ass skin. | ||
|
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Do they have stamina, though? | |
| Oh, yeah, man. | ||
| They chase moose down. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| You're right. | ||
| They're not ambush predators. | ||
| They're chase predators. | ||
| I don't mean to be defensive. | ||
| I was just saying, can they sprint a mile or can they sprint 100 yards and then they go? | ||
| None of the animals can sprint a mile. | ||
| But they have better endurance than the deer. | ||
| They catch them. | ||
| They just chase after them. | ||
| They get them in an open area. | ||
| They just chase after them. | ||
| There's a great video of this... | ||
| Large grizzly bear chasing down this elk and they're running over like deadfall trees and shit and the bear just finally gets them. | ||
| They're just scrambling around. | ||
| It's almost like you're watching a football play and then the bear gets them. | ||
| The bear just chased them down and got them. | ||
| They get them all the time. | ||
| Bears are so big and so powerful that they have no fear. | ||
| There's nothing that can fuck them up. | ||
| Yeah, but well, no, they can be kind of skittish. | ||
| You ever watch that show alone? | ||
| That's because of people. | ||
| Sure, sure. | ||
| People and guns. | ||
| So what I was saying is like Wyoming, Montana, Alaska has a lot. | ||
| Alaska has a lot. | ||
| Other states with grizzlies or brown bears, I think that might be it. | ||
| Idaho. | ||
| Idaho definitely has. | ||
| Sorry. | ||
| New York State had brown bears. | ||
| No. | ||
| No? | ||
| No. | ||
| New York State has black bears that are color phase bears. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| They probably had brown bears at one point in time. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| In history, and they probably were eradicated for the same reason why they eradicated them from California. | ||
| Like, people forget. | ||
| Like, California's all ranches and shit. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know, like when people first came out here, the settlers, the homesteaders? | ||
| Yeah, of course. | ||
| They killed all those grizzly bears. | ||
| Like, fuck this. | ||
| You sure there's no brown bears upstate New York? | ||
| Yes, I'm sure. | ||
| There's a color phase black bear and they are brown. | ||
| Yeah, I know what you're referring to. | ||
| And some of them are blonde. | ||
| They get to like a blonde color, but there's no grizzlies. | ||
| I didn't say grizzlies. | ||
| I thought brown bears were. | ||
| Brown bears are grizzlies. | ||
| It's the same thing? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Brown bear is the coastal bear. | ||
| Like Alaska is a brown bear. | ||
| The brown bears live on the coast. | ||
| And then the inland bears are grizzlies. | ||
| But they're the same bear. | ||
| It's a brown bear. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Yeah, there's two different species. | ||
| They have longer claws. | ||
| They're a different bear. | ||
| And they're much more aggressive and much more dangerous than a black bear. | ||
| But black bears, when they kill people, they're killing people to eat people more often. | ||
| Brown bears generally don't think of people as food. | ||
| They don't know what the fuck you are. | ||
| Like, they're trying to kill moose and deer and eat salmon and stuff like that. | ||
| Black bear will be, like, they've pulled people out of tents and shit. | ||
| But grizzly bears have done that too. | ||
| Well, it's a grizzly man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, that guy was, he was staying in a place where the bears should have already been in hibernation and he was out there. | ||
| And so the only bears that were still out were starving. | ||
| And so he was like almost like suicide by bear. | ||
| He was a bear expert. | ||
| He should have known that. | ||
| The people that talk about that area, it's called the Grizzly Maze, I think. | ||
| And it's just infested with giant fucking bears. | ||
| They're huge, man. | ||
| And when they get older, they don't have enough fat to hibernate, so they have to be up. | ||
| And they do a lot of cannibalism, like you found cubs that get eaten. | ||
| Oh, bears are cannibals. | ||
| Almost all bears are cannibals. | ||
| My friend saw these two bears fighting. | ||
| There was a male bear who came in because there was a female in her cubs, and the female tried to chase off the male bear, but the male bear got ahold of one of her cubs and killed it. | ||
| And she chased off the male bear after the male bear killed her cubs, and then she ate her cub. | ||
| Well, it was, I mean, the dead one, right? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| She ate her dead cub. | ||
|
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|
Jesus. | |
| Right after she was trying to protect it, the moment it became meat, she ate her cub. | ||
| Good lord, okay. | ||
| That's what we're talking about. | ||
| Like, this is not a fucking stuffed animal. | ||
| And people are like, we need more of them. | ||
| We need to reintroduce them to Colorado. | ||
| Like, people want to reintroduce them places. | ||
| Like, what are you talking about? | ||
| Yeah, and they're the ones... | ||
| Do you know what that is? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| But I think this is the problem. | ||
| People have this Disney idea of nature. | ||
| They certainly do. | ||
| Yeah, they certainly do. | ||
| So, no, there's no brown bears. | ||
| I mean, I don't know when the last time there was a brown bear in New York. | ||
| See if there's where brown bears are. | ||
| What states do brown bears live in? | ||
| I want to say probably Colorado, but that's controversial. | ||
| Wyoming, definitely. | ||
| Definitely has a lot of them. | ||
| Only four states. | ||
| Okay, wow. | ||
| Washington State. | ||
| Oh, I forgot Washington State. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Idaho, Montana, and Wyoming. | ||
| Less than 2,000 remain. | ||
| Brown bears are far more numerous than the state of Alaska, with an estimated 30,000 bears. | ||
| About 95% of the entire population in the United States. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| How about those people that live on that island that just get giant bears, like, coming to the island all the time? | ||
| Which is the island where the guy shot the bear through the door in the head as it was, like, trapped in his house? | ||
| This bear got into this guy's house, they came downstairs, they heard all this noise, and the neighbor came over while the bear was in the guy's house and shot it through the head, through the front door. | ||
| Admiralty Island, wow. | ||
| Pull that story up because the story is fucking wild. | ||
| And there's also Kodiak Island for the Kodiak Bears. | ||
| Yeah, the Kodiak Bears, which are the biggest bears. | ||
| But all those bears on that side, the coastal bears, they call brown bears. | ||
| That's like Alaska bears. | ||
| And they're way bigger. | ||
| Way bigger. | ||
| Because they have so much salmon. | ||
| They're eating so much fish and they eat like dead whales and shit and they're fucking enormous. | ||
| Which Grizzly Barrel hoax? | ||
| Oh, it's a hoax. | ||
| Is it a hoax? | ||
| No, no, no, no, no, no, no. | ||
| This is a new story. | ||
| This is a new story. | ||
| It happened, um, I think it was on a Fognac. | ||
| Man kills Kodiak, that's it. | ||
| Oh, it's a Kodiak, even bigger. | ||
| Okay, so click on that. | ||
| So this is the house. | ||
|
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|
Oh my god. | |
| So this bear was trying to get into his fucking front door. | ||
| The bear got in somehow and then couldn't get out. | ||
| And so it was trapped in the front area of his house. | ||
| And his neighbor came over and the bear was trying to get through the door to get out. | ||
| And he shot it through the door and killed it. | ||
| Holy crap. | ||
| Yeah, holy crap, dude. | ||
| Can you imagine? | ||
| You go downstairs and there's a fucking 10-foot bear in your house. | ||
| How big was the bear? | ||
| A 12-gauge slug to the head through a wooden door in the middle of the night during a storm. | ||
| That guy's never going to forget that fucking night. | ||
| Yeah, no shit. | ||
| Holy crap. | ||
| How big was the bear? | ||
| Look how big it is. | ||
| Look at when he's got it on. | ||
| Look at how they got it hanging. | ||
| You see how big it is. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| It's got to be like 10 feet or something. | ||
| It's got to be 10 feet. | ||
| Easy. | ||
| Easy. | ||
| Half ton. | ||
| That's 1,000 pounds. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
|
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|
Whoo! | |
| Oh my god. | ||
| Look at the size of that thing where it's lying there dead. | ||
| Look at the claws on it. | ||
| But that's just a real monster. | ||
| It's a real monster. | ||
| It really exists. | ||
| His wife said, baby, there's a bear. | ||
| The bear's nose is at my bedroom doorway, looking right at my wife. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| The bear had come through the front door, somehow bumping it closed, walked through the living room, through the kitchen, past the leftover fried chicken on the counter, and stopped directly in front of the family's washer and dryer. | ||
| It was looking at Maribel lying in bed. | ||
| Why wouldn't it get the food? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Because it smelled live things. | ||
| Scroll back up again so I can read what she said. | ||
| She says, it took me a quarter of a second to decide to pull the trigger, Olsen said. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
|
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|
Holy crap. | |
| Oh my God. | ||
| So he shot it. | ||
| And then the bear... | ||
| So he shot it with a Colt.45. | ||
| So let me scroll down a little bit there. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Despite Olsen's immediate decisiveness, he knew he had to take his shot carefully. | ||
| He had to shoot around the corner of a bedroom where his two youngest children were sleeping. | ||
| As he pulled the trigger to send a.45 Colt round through the bear's shoulder, his inner voice reminded him, don't hit the kids. | ||
| When I pulled the trigger, I couldn't see its head. | ||
| I hope that the first shot hit him in the shoulder. | ||
| Whether from pain or fear, the bear managed to turn its mammoth body around inside the confines of the home's tiny hallway, likely in an attempt to get back out the way he came in. | ||
| Olsen followed the bear through his house. | ||
| I was pulling the trigger while shouting,''Get out of my house!'' Along with a lot of logger and fisherman words that I've learned over the years, he said. | ||
| There was not an ounce of fear in me at that moment. | ||
| It was all business. | ||
| It was just rage and the maddest I have ever been. | ||
| I could not believe this thing was in my house. | ||
| I was furious. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| How could there be no fear when you have this thing in your house? | ||
| Olsen put three of the four rounds he fired into the bear. | ||
| A.45 cull is not desired to bring down a 988-pound bear instantly. | ||
| It's not big enough, he said. | ||
| You need a bigger gun. | ||
| Scared and injured, the enormous bear made a valiant effort to escape Olsen's house. | ||
| It staggered into the home's attic entry. | ||
| Arctic entry rather, a kind of eight by eight foot mud room lined with shelves that the family uses as a pantry. | ||
| It was thrashing around in there, but he couldn't get out. | ||
| Somehow the door ended up closed. | ||
| He would have left if he could have, but that stupid door shut behind him. | ||
| Because a wounded Kodiak bear could be far more dangerous than an uninjured bear, Olsen saved the last round in his revolver just in case the bear tried to leave the pantry. | ||
| I could hear him breathing. | ||
| The girls could hear him in their room too, Olsen said. | ||
| I kept yelling at the girls to stay in their room. | ||
| I did not want them coming out of that doorway. | ||
| He was thrashing around, trying to get out every once in a while, and it had evacuated its bowels on the carpet, Olsen said. | ||
| He was scared. | ||
| So he calls for backup. | ||
| He calls his friend. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| This is a whole long process. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So one of my buddies got a call. | ||
| He was going up there to Olsen's house. | ||
| Hellman said, his wife called my wife because she didn't want him going alone. | ||
| So she woke me up. | ||
| Hellman grabbed his Remington 870 tactical shotgun and a handful of Winchester XP one ounce copper sabbat slugs. | ||
| That's a big round. | ||
| And headed up the road into his neighbor's house. | ||
| Hellman said it had relied on the slugs for hunting, and they leave the muzzle with an intense 2,489 foot-pounds of energy. | ||
| When I showed up, the bear was sitting right behind the front door, and there's a glass window in the door, Hellman said. | ||
| You could just see it sitting there with its head moving up and down like it was either licking its wounds or eating something. | ||
| I'm not sure which. | ||
| This is probably licking the part where it got shot, right? | ||
| So he said, I was about 10 feet from the door. | ||
| I timed the shot for when its head was below the glass. | ||
| I wanted to shoot through the wood part of the door, not the glass. | ||
| When I shot, it shook the whole house. | ||
| The copper slug hit the mark traveling under the heavy bear's jaw and through its brain. | ||
| After I shot, we moved up to the door and shined a flashlight in there. | ||
| We could see it laying there motionless, but we wanted to give it plenty of time. | ||
| The last thing I wanted to do was go in the back door and be in the living room with an injured bear. | ||
| That's why I made a choice to shoot it right through the door instead of going in there with it. | ||
| Holy fuck, dude. | ||
| Then they had to get it out of the house, too. | ||
| Those motherfuckers survived when the rocks hit. | ||
| When the comets hit, the bears lived. | ||
| They lived. | ||
| Everything else died. | ||
| Saber-seeked tigers died. | ||
| Horses died. | ||
| What's the most dangerous thing that we have around here in Austin? | ||
| There's mountain lions here. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| There's not a lot of them, but they've spotted them. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| There must be rattlesnakes, too. | ||
| Yeah, there's rattlesnakes. | ||
| There's big coyotes. | ||
| I wouldn't worry about you, but if you have children, I'd worry about them. | ||
| They killed dogs. | ||
| They killed a buddy of mine's dog recently. | ||
| That's everywhere though. | ||
| That's the whole country now. | ||
| Coyotes are literally in every fucking state. | ||
| That's okay. | ||
| Well, at least we don't have bears. | ||
| Yeah, we don't have bears. | ||
| But we do have more tigers in private collections in captivity than all of the wild of the world. | ||
| Yeah, I think, doesn't Texas have no restrictions on... | ||
| There's a pet store here where they have a sloth. | ||
| And it was funny because Blair comes over and she's like, oh, I think I saw this monkey-like thing at this pet store. | ||
| I think it's a sloth. | ||
| And I'm like, shut the fuck up. | ||
| You cannot have a sloth at a pet store. | ||
| She's like, I think it's a sloth. | ||
| I'm like, alright. | ||
| And I'm showing her pictures. | ||
| She's like, I think that's it. | ||
| And I made her call them. | ||
| And she's like, sir, what was that thing in the window? | ||
| They're like, do you mean the sloth? | ||
| You go there, there's a sloth. | ||
| And its best friend is an iguana. | ||
| Her best friend, excuse me. | ||
| And the sloth likes licking the salt from the iguana's nostril. | ||
| But it's in this amazing pet store. | ||
| They have a sloth. | ||
| And she's been there for 15 years or something. | ||
| A kangaroo problem in Texas. | ||
| No. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Is that a euphemism? | ||
| No, there's a real kangaroo problem. | ||
| Dudes have kangaroos as pets, and they get out. | ||
| And they're breeding? | ||
| I don't know if they're breeding yet, but people have spotted kangaroos, and one guy's kangaroo got out, and he had to lure it back to the house with milk. | ||
| Because kangaroos don't have to listen to you. | ||
| Right, yeah. | ||
| They get pretty big. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, and they get aggressive. | ||
| Well, I don't know what the fuck's going on. | ||
| What's up with all the kangaroos loose in Texas? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What's up? | |
| Two roos recently went walkabout, calling attention to the fact that in Texas it's legal to keep them as pets. | ||
| But that doesn't mean you should. | ||
| No, it doesn't mean you should. | ||
| But it's also legal. | ||
| You know, that's why we gotta keep guys like Beto O'Rourke from being the governor of Texas. | ||
| Because he would stop. | ||
| He would stop the kangaroos. | ||
| That's one of the first things he would do. | ||
| People would complain. | ||
| Do you know where that won't be? | ||
| Kangaroos are racist. | ||
| Do you know where that won't be a problem? | ||
| Where? | ||
| The Republic of Texas. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| Where if he can become president of the Republic of Texas? | ||
| It'll be part of our Constitution. | ||
| How long does... | ||
| Here's a... | ||
| I'm gonna throw this out there. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What's a good amount of time someone should be president? | ||
| Zero. | ||
| So how do we run things with no president? | ||
| Well, here's the problem with term limits. | ||
| Well, it's simple. | ||
| Everyone does what they're supposed to. | ||
| The problem with term limits is when you start out, you're doing the toughest job in the world and you're a newbie. | ||
| Well, also that you're incentivized to get all – you don't have a long time span. | ||
| So you don't really have a concern about what happens in year nine because you have no possibility of being reelected. | ||
| So the incentive... | ||
| And if you look at New York, term limits got us de Blasio, right? | ||
| Because Bloomberg was there for two years. | ||
| He cheated. | ||
| He made a third term. | ||
| He got his third term. | ||
| He got elected. | ||
| De Blasio comes in, and it's just like... | ||
| Fucks everything up. | ||
| I mean, when's the last time you were in New York? | ||
| Pretty recently. | ||
| Pretty recently, yeah. | ||
| It's devastating. | ||
| It's so awful. | ||
| I could talk about this all the time. | ||
| It's just so heartbreaking to see. | ||
| I was in New York during the pandemic, and we heard gunshots while we were getting falafels. | ||
| Are you serious? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We were at a falafel stand, and we were like, bang, bang, bang! | ||
| Like, oh, gunshots. | ||
| Two in the morning in New York City. | ||
| And you saw Lori Lightfoot, when she lost her nomination, she said, you know, I've made Chicago a better and safer city. | ||
| Like, these people are shameless. | ||
| I think they're crazy. | ||
| I think that's why they're running in the first place. | ||
| I mean, she used to dress up. | ||
| Remember, she dressed up like a superhero? | ||
| That's right, yeah. | ||
| To fight COVID. She's a crazy person. | ||
| Yes, you could see it in her eyes. | ||
| But, you know, they like the idea of having her. | ||
| I think it's more the idea than the actual person. | ||
| I think we're in this time where you look at the performance of some of these people that are in these places that always vote blue. | ||
| And you go, this is kind of crazy that you guys are sticking to this way of running cities when it always fails. | ||
| It fails spectacularly almost every time. | ||
| But there's different ways of voting blue failing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| Like, it's not always voting blue means crime. | ||
| No, no, but it seems like that today. | ||
| It seems like that now, that voting blue means being softer on crime. | ||
| It means that you recognize that there's too many people in prison and that the United States has more people in prison than any other country in the world. | ||
| And that we have a prison industrial complex, and that you have corrupt judges, and you have incompetent lawyers, and you have a lot of factors that lead to people to be prosecuted for crimes that they didn't really commit, and they get incarcerated. | ||
| Or things that shouldn't be crimes to begin with. | ||
| Yeah, many of them. | ||
| Probably a large percentage of people in this country are in jail for drugs. | ||
| I don't know what that percentage was, but I do know that it was a scam when Biden was saying, everybody's in jail for possession of marijuana, you're going to be free. | ||
| But there's no one in jail for possession of marijuana in a federal prison. | ||
| It's all state laws. | ||
| It's all distribution. | ||
| It's all sales. | ||
| It's all like you're a drug dealer. | ||
| It's not like you just have weed. | ||
| He's saying marijuana possession. | ||
| Like how much? | ||
| What if I have a thousand pounds? | ||
| What they call that what? | ||
| Intent to distribute, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes! | |
| You're a fucking drug dealer. | ||
| Or it could be you're just a big drug user. | ||
| Well, at a certain point, you can't argue that. | ||
| Like, if you go over some dude's houses, like in California where it's legal, right? | ||
| Go to, like, Be Real from Cypress Hill's house. | ||
| What kind of fucking compound with... | ||
| I mean, he's probably got every kind of weed known to man at his house. | ||
| But it could be a Jim Baker situation, right? | ||
| That he's waiting for the rapture. | ||
| So he's got tables made out of, you know... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Of... | ||
| But I mean, if you go to most people's house, you find a couple of joints. | ||
| But it doesn't mean that he's selling. | ||
| It just means he likes wheat more. | ||
| My friend is a wine collector. | ||
| You go to his house, there's this enormous wine room, and it's all temperature controlled and shit. | ||
| He's not a wine dealer. | ||
| If wine was illegal, you wouldn't say that this guy's a fucking criminal. | ||
| He's about to sell wine to everybody. | ||
| No, he likes wine. | ||
| When I did grand jury, this was some of the things they were trying to put people away for. | ||
| And these were like teenagers. | ||
| And they wanted to get them, like, he's got a pound, two pounds, I don't remember what it was, of weed, let's put away. | ||
| And it's not that hard to convince people to let them walk. | ||
| It's like, listen, do you want to ruin this kid's life because he has a lot of weed? | ||
| And people are like, yeah, you're right. | ||
| It's stupid. | ||
| Weed should be 100% legal. | ||
| And the DAs come back and they're confused because we refused to indict them, even though they had them dead to rights. | ||
| So that's something people can do to keep people in jail. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So that's great. | |
| The violent crime thing, though, is not great. | ||
| And when people commit violent crimes, oftentimes they're mentally ill. | ||
| And if you just let those people right back on the street and they just got away with committing a violent crime, the chances of them committing a violent crime again are probably pretty fucking high. | ||
| Yeah, but they don't- Instead of a long history of violent crime. | ||
| But they don't need to be mentally ill. | ||
| If it's legal for me to steal from CVS or Duane Reade, I could just go in with my shopping bag, fill it up. | ||
| They're not going to stop me. | ||
| I'm not going to get arrested. | ||
| If I get arrested, I'm still up ahead. | ||
| So why not do it? | ||
| Why not do it? | ||
| And then, you know, what is it? | ||
| Which one? | ||
| Was it Walgreens that pulled out of Portland or Walmart? | ||
| Did Walmart pull out of Portland? | ||
| Because of just the thefts? | ||
| They're like, we can't do this anymore. | ||
| Yeah, you guys are crazy. | ||
| You're just letting people steal things. | ||
| It's nuts. | ||
| You steal up to $900 worth of stuff, and no one's supposed to stop you. | ||
| So people just walk into stores and steal things. | ||
| Yeah, but this was the thing in the late 60s, early 70s, and this was a big problem for the Democratic Party because they were big on so-called civil liberties, civil rights, things like that in this context of rights of the accused. | ||
| And it was Clinton and Al Gore in 92 who campaigned as we're new Democrats. | ||
| The line was we don't think the way the old Democrats do before the death penalty. | ||
| And that was them kind of turning their back on this what was perceived as or perhaps was soft on crime version of the Democratic Party. | ||
| And now that's kind of thing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And that's kind of fallen by the wayside. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Mayor Adams to New York City shoppers, drop that mask. | ||
| To prevent robberies, Mayor Eric Adams is telling shopkeepers to bar customers who refuse to lower their masks when they first enter stores. | ||
| Good lord. | ||
| Oh boy. | ||
| When they first enter stores. | ||
| It's like you come in the store, I show you my face, then I put the mask back on. | ||
| You're not gonna remember what I looked like. | ||
| I just can't believe that people are still wearing masks. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Especially after these studies have come out. | ||
| We have data on it now, folks. | ||
| They pretty much agree that it doesn't work. | ||
| Yeah, but it does work because you're signaling in-group signaling. | ||
| Yeah, you're in-group signaling. | ||
| It works for that. | ||
| And it works for people that are paranoid. | ||
| And maybe N95 masks might offer you some very slight level of protection. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Maybe it's better than not having one. | ||
| But Jesus Christ, there's a requirement. | ||
| It's ridiculous. | ||
| There's a dude who goes to my gym who's 5'2", and he's squatting like 500 pounds. | ||
| And he's in a mask every single time for months. | ||
| And I'm so curious what he's thinking and what's going on. | ||
| Because obviously he knows about his health and taking care of his health. | ||
| Maybe he has bad teeth. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He doesn't want you to see his teeth. | |
| Habsburg jaw? | ||
| I think there was a study recently that unattractive people are far more likely to keep their masks on. | ||
| I think people don't like people looking at their face if they don't feel good about their face. | ||
| And, you know, you're a good-looking guy. | ||
| You're lucky. | ||
| I don't know about that, but... | ||
| You're definitely not ugly. | ||
| I don't know about that either. | ||
| You're not ugly. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| But some people, unfortunately, didn't get born with the best face. | ||
| And they don't like it. | ||
| Maybe they don't like what they look like. | ||
| Maybe they don't like the fact that they gained weight. | ||
| They got a double chin. | ||
| Slap a mask on. | ||
| Yeah, but... | ||
| And then you feel anonymous. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You feel like you'd skate by. | |
| The guy's jacked as hell. | ||
| Right, but some people just... | ||
| I guess they still only see the ugliness. | ||
| They don't see the results. | ||
| Maybe some people just want you to look at their body only. | ||
| Maybe that's what he's doing, but he's getting jacked as hell. | ||
| I think I'm going to have to go up to him at the gym like a complete lunatic. | ||
| Be like, hey, I was talking about you at Rogan. | ||
| What's up with the mask? | ||
| Yeah, bring it up. | ||
| Why not? | ||
| Maybe he has a disease. | ||
| Then I'm sitting there thinking, should I be wearing the mask? | ||
| Because then maybe I'll be squatting more. | ||
| Because he's clearly better at the gym than I am. | ||
| I don't think that's how it works. | ||
| Well, I don't know. | ||
| I'll take whatever help I can get. | ||
| Follow the science. | ||
| Yeah, I'm like, was this your cycle? | ||
| You wear the mask for 16 weeks, then you go out of a cruise. | ||
| Yeah, it's oxygen deprivation somehow or another that makes you inflate. | ||
| What are you most excited about? | ||
| Oh, let me talk about this book. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, you have a book. | |
| I've been working on this for... | ||
| Two years. | ||
| The white pill. | ||
| The white pill. | ||
| What do you think, what is white pill for you? | ||
| It's optimism? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| The white pill is hope. | ||
| Hope, okay. | ||
| What's the difference between hope and optimism? | ||
| Because optimism means I think everything is going to work out. | ||
| And hope is, I'm not convinced that that's the case, but I'm certainly, like if someone has a deadly disease. | ||
| You may not be optimistic that you're going to be here five years, but you certainly have to live as if you are and have that hope that you're going to pull through. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| So that's kind of a big key difference because optimism, I think, is often foolish. | ||
| One of the reasons people get blackpilled or kind of give up hope because they keep thinking, oh, when Trump gets in or when Biden gets in or DeSantis, if someone gets in, everything's going to work out. | ||
| It's not how it works. | ||
| If you keep putting your eggs in the basket that this guy in a white horse is going to come and save you, it's not going to happen. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They can maybe make improvements, but no one person – and this is on the other side. | ||
| No one person can destroy this country either. | ||
| I mean these republicans who think Biden is just one election away from destroying America. | ||
| I'm like, get the fuck out of this country then if you think one president can destroy this country. | ||
| Yeah, well, it's kind of amazing that the country runs as smoothly as it does with Biden in charge. | ||
| I mean, it kind of shows you how the checks and balances and all the different branches of government are actually pretty effective in some way. | ||
| I mean, it's not a fucking perfect system by any stretch of the imagination, but the way it operates right now can operate with that guy as president. | ||
| I mean, I'm sure he's got a crack team behind him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, for sure. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Like the guy who steals luggage? | ||
| Oh, it's not funny. | ||
| Are they stealing the lamb? | ||
| Or did they catch him? | ||
| Oh, they got him. | ||
| Yeah, he got arrested. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Yeah, because now they know that he's stolen, like, multiple bags, right? | ||
| Didn't they arrest him? | ||
| I feel like they arrested him. | ||
| I know he had warrants. | ||
| Yeah, I think he's fucked. | ||
| Yeah, because there was a woman who was a designer. | ||
| Right, I saw that. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| He stole her, allegedly stole her clothes and was like wearing her very specific clothes. | ||
| Right, because there's something she wore to some award show or something. | ||
| Yeah, she's a designer, so she has like cool clothes. | ||
| So he's got a good eye. | ||
| Well, I don't think he knows. | ||
| I think he's just getting lucky and stealing people's luggage. | ||
| Is it kind of like if you play Russian Roulette enough times, you're going to hit the bullet? | ||
| Yeah, I think he just looks around at a bag. | ||
| It looks like a girl's bag and grabs it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Oops, I thought it was mine. | ||
| That's why I took it out and put all the clothes on. | ||
| That happened to me once. | ||
| I was with a friend at a bar in Manhattan, and some girl just took her bag and was trying to play. | ||
| Like, oops, I got confused. | ||
| I'm like, you're lying. | ||
| And then she got offended while I didn't believe her bullshit. | ||
| I'm like, non-binary ex-nuclear... | ||
| Oh, that's the FBI. Wow. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Investigated by the FBI for stealing fashion designers luggage at Washington Airport, but was he arrested? | ||
| He got investigated for that, but I thought he was charged with something because he got caught with more than one One time. | ||
| This is a different. | ||
| This would be a third time. | ||
| Holy crap. | ||
| Imagine if that's all his clothes It's like he doesn't want to go, because he has a beard and a mustache. | ||
| I don't want to go buy women's clothes. | ||
| People get mad at you. | ||
| Well, you have Amazon. | ||
| They don't get mad at you. | ||
| They'd be like, come on in. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| Depends on where you're going. | ||
| Those white liberal women working those stores, they'd be tripping over themselves to have them. | ||
| Am I wrong? | ||
| Have them as a customer? | ||
| Some of them would. | ||
| Isn't that wild? | ||
| Of course. | ||
| Isn't that wild? | ||
| Like, what happened? | ||
| They hate Dad. | ||
| Is that what it is? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| This is their way to show Dad that much they hate him. | ||
| The patriarchy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh my god, you're amazing. | ||
| You have lipstick on. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh my god. | |
| Meanwhile, that's the patriarchy. | ||
| Men assuming... | ||
| Men taking over women's spaces. | ||
| The role of women. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And being the more dominant woman. | ||
|
unidentified
|
This is three weeks ago, though. | |
| Okay. | ||
| It's on a timeline outboarder. | ||
| The FBI thing was reported a couple days ago. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Oh, he's got layers of drama. | ||
| He's got some great lips. | ||
| Let's scroll down. | ||
| He looks like a Dick Tracy villain. | ||
| If convicted on the charge, Brenton, who previously served as Deputy Assistant Secretary for Spent Fuel and Waste Disposition at the Department of Energy's Office of Nuclear Energy, could face up to five years in prison, a $10,000 fine, or both. | ||
| Wait, I didn't realize he stole this while he was working for the government. | ||
| I thought this was past shit that caught up to him. | ||
| No, no, no, no. | ||
| He's like constantly been doing it, I think. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| They caught him, I think this is the third time they know for sure he did it. | ||
| But he could have probably done it before and people just never, you know, bags wind up missing all the time, man. | ||
| But they caught him on film stealing someone else's bag. | ||
| So there's more than one instance of him definitely doing it. | ||
| Holy crap. | ||
| That was his move. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Probably got a cheap thrill out of it. | ||
| You know, do you remember when, you know, like sometimes like you'll find like a famous actress gets busted shop living. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, she got busted. | ||
| Like, what was that? | ||
| It was probably fucking fun. | ||
| Wild! | ||
| Well, it's not like she couldn't afford it. | ||
| Maybe she was high, so who knows. | ||
| It was a wild thrill. | ||
| I dated a girl in high school who got caught shoplifting. | ||
| Been caught stealing? | ||
| Yeah, she would do clothes. | ||
| She would go to a store and clothes she couldn't afford. | ||
| She'd put them on or put them on underneath her clothes and she got caught and busted. | ||
| It was like a big deal. | ||
| Dude, I'm going to confess something that I've never admitted to before here on this minor show that no one listens to or watches, so I'll be perfectly safe. | ||
| When I was in high school, my friend Arthur and I went to the New York Aquarium, and they have an estuary exhibit. | ||
| And in this estuary exhibit was a species of fish, which I found very unusual, which I really liked, called a spiny boxfish, which is not a boxfish. | ||
| It's a relative of the porcupine fish. | ||
| And we got a cup and it was a low tank, no cover, and we got it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We stole the fish from the New York Aquarium. | |
| How did you get it out? | ||
| You just get a cup. | ||
| The thing was an inch long. | ||
| It was a baby. | ||
| And we just got it with the cup. | ||
| Whatever happened to it? | ||
| I put it in my tank and it thrived for quite some time. | ||
| How long? | ||
| It must have been maybe months. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| So I stole a fish from the aquarium and I don't regret it for a second. | ||
| And they're very hard to take care of in captivity, that species. | ||
| Congratulations. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| It's a good theft. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's like, overall, did the fish have a worse life? | ||
| You definitely stole property. | ||
| I did steal property. | ||
| Public property. | ||
| But isn't it weird that life is property? | ||
| I remember what he did. | ||
| He put it... | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| He put it on his head under his hat for a second until we got out of the room. | ||
| Like flopping around? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Oh, Christ. | ||
| If I'm remembering correctly. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Then I also had a cup of water from Saltwater because of Saltwater Fish. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, my God. | |
| But we got it home. | ||
| I'll never... | ||
| Yeah, that was... | ||
| How long was the drive home? | ||
| Oh, it was a walk. | ||
| It was like a block. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| Good, because how much oxygen is in that salt water? | ||
| That cup? | ||
| You're fine. | ||
| They could be in there for a day, easily. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Because there's no surface. | ||
| So if you just stir it, it's oxygenated. | ||
| Oh, you just got to stir it every now and then? | ||
| Yeah, they're perfectly fine, yeah. | ||
| Isn't that wild that that's where they get it? | ||
| What do you mean? | ||
| The oxygen in the water. | ||
| You could just stir it and they get oxygen in there. | ||
| Well, I mean, it's mixing at the surface. | ||
| I know, but isn't that crazy that that's how they breathe? | ||
| You have to do that to them? | ||
| Imagine if we found civilization underwater that existed breathing water the same way a fish does. | ||
| Why are fish all dumb? | ||
| They're not dumb at all. | ||
| What are you talking about? | ||
|
unidentified
|
They're dumb as fuck. | |
| I'm now offended. | ||
| They're dumb as fuck. | ||
| Listen, the only thing that's smart- No, you listen. | ||
| Orcas are smart. | ||
| Orcas aren't fish. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Because they're not fish. | ||
| They're mammals. | ||
| Same as I was going to say. | ||
| Anything that breathes air is smart. | ||
| Everything that breathes underwater, fucking idiots. | ||
| That's not true. | ||
| Just running around eating each other and shit. | ||
| That's not true at all. | ||
| The only thing that's smart is octopuses. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| The guy who runs OctoNation, Warren, he lives in Austin too. | ||
| I've become pals with him. | ||
| So shout out to Warren. | ||
| Cuddlefish are smart too. | ||
| They just learned how to do the marshmallow test. | ||
| Oysters are dumb as fuck. | ||
| Oysters don't have brains. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| That's what I'm saying. | ||
| These aren't fish. | ||
| They're not. | ||
| There are lots of fish species that are very intelligent. | ||
| Like which ones? | ||
| Porcupine fish, trigger fish. | ||
| The archer fish is an example of a smart fish species that can use tools to make life easier. | ||
| They're not smart. | ||
| Especially when it comes to feeding. | ||
| Archer fish squirt jets of water out to insects on plants and And they can recognize the size of the prey and adjust the size of their squirts accordingly. | ||
| But that's not an intelligence thing. | ||
| Like, they live in brackish water. | ||
| Yeah, there's like three or four species of them. | ||
| They have some in Dallas, the clouded archer, which are really kind of rare in captivity. | ||
| And they train them to eat, to shoot food that's on a glass little... | ||
| Adaptation is so strange. | ||
| But it's not the same thing as intelligence. | ||
| Intelligence is like problem solving. | ||
| If you look at like Triggerfish sculptures, the sculptures that they make and they rearrange their environment. | ||
| When you're having something that manipulates its environment, that's a sign of intelligence. | ||
| Triggerfish manipulate their environment and make sculptures? | ||
| Oh yeah, look up Triggerfish. | ||
| First of all, just for everybody, I was joking around about them being stupid. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| They're pretty dumb though. | ||
| I mean, they don't even have cell phones. | ||
| They live in the ocean. | ||
| I tend to think people have cell phones tend to be dumb. | ||
| They didn't invent it though. | ||
| The reason I'm sensitive about this issue is the very first paycheck I ever got was writing for an aquarium magazine when I was in high school. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| Tropical fish hobbyist magazine. | ||
| So I've been on this train for a very long time. | ||
| The adaptation of animals on this planet is so bizarre sometimes that it confuses me like something is off in the laws of reality. | ||
| Like have you ever seen a viper caterpillar? | ||
| It's like a caterpillar that disguises itself as a viper. | ||
| The butt looks like a viper. | ||
| Like exactly, with eyeballs and everything, and a diamond-shaped head, which is what scares off other creatures. | ||
| Like that head represents venomous or predatory. | ||
| But what about ant spiders? | ||
| I don't know what an ant spider is. | ||
| A spider that looks like an ant, and spiders have eight legs, ants have six, so the spider's two front legs are always up in the air as if they're antennae, and they smell like the ants. | ||
| And there's another species of ant spider. | ||
| And they just hang around the ants and eat them? | ||
| I don't know if they eat the ants, but they certainly are protected, because think about it, if you're surrounded by ants, no one's attacking you. | ||
| And then there's a species of ant spider where the mandibles are stretched out so it looks like it's carrying a dead ant. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| But that's not a sign of intelligence. | ||
| No, just adaptation. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But that adaptation is insane. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| These are cuttlefish structures? | ||
| Triggerfish. | ||
| Triggerfish didn't give me anything. | ||
| I had to type in which fish makes sculptures. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| I said it was a pufferfish. | ||
| Oh, pufferfish. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Oh, pufferfish. | ||
| Same order. | ||
| Look how beautiful that is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That's amazing because it's geometrical. | ||
| And if you have them in your tank at home, they'll rearrange the furniture to make it more to their liking. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's wild. | ||
| I wonder why they do that. | ||
| To mate. | ||
| Courtship. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Just show bitches how your house looks. | ||
| Yeah, look. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| Check out my house, yo. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| I'm a puffer fish. | ||
| What about like, what, bowerbirds, right? | ||
| When they make these big, huge structures and anything blue they put in there because apparently the females like blue. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| But fish are much smarter than people realize. | ||
| Because think about it. | ||
| If you're in freshwater, you're going to have a short lifespan, especially if it's seasonal. | ||
| But in the ocean, some of these things live for 20 years. | ||
| So if you have that longer lifespan, it's going to tend to have much more kind of problem solving and more investment in sustaining that organism as opposed to like having, oh, I'm just going to get eaten in a year. | ||
| Who cares? | ||
| Just going to cycle through the life cycle quickly. | ||
| It is fascinating that that world exists right next to our world. | ||
| And supposedly life in the ocean, I mean, all life came at one point in time from water, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| That's the thought process. | ||
| So they evolved on their path. | ||
| We evolved on our path. | ||
| But on the ground, you manipulate things more. | ||
| The ground intelligent creatures manipulate things more. | ||
| So we have this idea in our head that we're smarter than like dolphins and orcas. | ||
| They actually have larger brains than ours. | ||
| Dolphins are bizarrely intelligent. | ||
| We don't even know how intelligent they are. | ||
| But they just don't need to exhibit any sort of control over their environment the way we do. | ||
| It's harder for them because they don't have hands, obviously. | ||
| They didn't evolve that. | ||
| They didn't need to manipulate their physical environment because they can move through 3D space as a dolphin and they can just eat fish. | ||
| Follow them around and stay in the warm waters, and they're good. | ||
| There was no need to get to the place where we are, where we're just a subject to so many different animals and so many different invading tribes and all the crazy shit. | ||
| Their environment's a lot more stable than ours. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's a tusk fish. | ||
| It's a type of wrasse. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Breaks clams. | |
| Well, then you think about, like, white sand beaches, and all those white sand beaches are made by fish. | ||
| Parrotfish, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, what? | ||
| How many fucking parrotfish, and how long? | ||
| Like, what are you talking about? | ||
| It's many, many, what, hundreds of thousands of years, no? | ||
| Crazy! | ||
| And when they shit, you could see a cloud of sand come out their ass. | ||
| And we're just running nets through this place, just scooping up everything we can and serving it as sushi. | ||
| No, that's not true. | ||
| No, I'm not saying right here at this. | ||
| I'm not doing protected reefs, but in the ocean, the overfishing in the ocean is out of fucking control. | ||
| They're not going to be there because they eat coral. | ||
| No, these ones. | ||
| Yeah, of course, these animals. | ||
| That's a protected reef, but I'm saying the ocean in general. | ||
| The ocean in general, you ever seen those... | ||
| Documentaries. | ||
| There's been quite a few that they do in the Japanese fish markets where these guys bring in these big tunas and they auction them. | ||
| People don't realize how big these tunas are. | ||
| They're massive. | ||
| They're like the size of an SUV. But these guys all talk about how much less tuna there is now. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| It's much harder to get tuna than it used to be. | ||
| And it's not that easy to farm them either. | ||
| They're fucking big, man. | ||
| They're big. | ||
| You know, they had a storm that hit Hawaii and they had a bunch of yellowtail that they were farming. | ||
| So they had like this whole area. | ||
| Yellowtail snapper? | ||
| It's like, no, yellowtail's like a tuna. | ||
| It's like in the tuna family, I believe. | ||
| And it was, you know, it's like a really aggressive fighting fish. | ||
| It's delicious too. | ||
| You know, people love them for sushi. | ||
| I think they were actually breeding them for sushi. | ||
| So a storm hit anyway. | ||
| And their enclosure fucked up, got fucked up by a storm, and they all got out. | ||
| And so people were catching them. | ||
| I caught a couple of them. | ||
| How big were they? | ||
| They were pretty big. | ||
| You know, like 10 pounds, 15 pounds. | ||
| That's the size of a fish. | ||
| It was like that big. | ||
| Big fucker. | ||
| Great fighters. | ||
| And delicious. | ||
| We ate them. | ||
| We were staying at the Four Seasons in Maui. | ||
| Bring them back and the chef cooks it for you. | ||
| It was amazing. | ||
| But that's part of the peril of those sort of farming operations. | ||
| You have to kind of do them in the ocean. | ||
| So you have to segment off a spot in the ocean and net it up and not let anything get in there. | ||
| But Storm fucked that up. | ||
| Yeah, because they can't keep them in tanks or they have the tanks big enough. | ||
| The water quality is not going to be the same as it is in the ocean with the micronutrients and things like that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't know what they feed them. | ||
| I don't know how they do it. | ||
| They probably dump stuff out of boats or something. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They just try to fatten them up for sushi markets. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Have you ever seen this thing, a tuna boil? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| I've seen that with, I think they're called Jack Cravales in Mexico. | ||
| I was fishing in Mexico. | ||
| And you would just cast a line into that chaos and immediately you would catch a fish. | ||
| Like immediately. | ||
| That's what they thought that shark thing was we pulled up last week. | ||
| And they got up close to it and it turns out it wasn't. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Just tuna. | |
| It was a bunch of fucking sharks eating them. | ||
| Oh, Jesus Christ. | ||
| So the tunas are going crazy and the sharks are going crazy at the same time. | ||
| Because don't the tuna circle schools of smaller fish and make them into balls and then the sharks circle the tuna or whoever, whatever it is. | ||
| Look at the size of the boil. | ||
| Like, look at how many sharks there are. | ||
| Hundreds. | ||
| Chaos. | ||
| Chaos. | ||
| You imagine if you just said, I hate life, and just fucking swan-dived into that? | ||
| Good lord. | ||
| You imagine the end? | ||
| Like, how long it would take for them to just rip your shreds? | ||
| I don't think it would be that easy. | ||
| What are you talking about? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jump in and find out, then. | |
| Bro, you're made out of Play-Doh. | ||
| I wish I could go one episode of this show that Jamie tell me to kill myself. | ||
| They'd bite through you like a Twinkie. | ||
| Why would you think that it would be hard for them? | ||
| I'm not saying it would be hard. | ||
| I'm saying it's not at all intuitive to me that immediately they've been going after me. | ||
| Because they're not going after each other, right? | ||
| So they're going after things that are small. | ||
| I bet they're biting each other, too. | ||
| You think so? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I bet they're accidentally biting each other. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So the first one, accidentally, then I'm bleeding, then I'm fucked. | ||
| You're fucked. | ||
| Because then they're swarming me. | ||
| I think you're fucked right away. | ||
| I think you're fucked right away. | ||
| I don't... | ||
| This is possibly up to hundreds of the sharks were in there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| At least dozens, if not hundreds. | ||
| I think every person that jumped into that would be fucked immediately. | ||
| I think if you hated, you know, a guy and you wanted to get rid of him. | ||
| I don't think I'm getting out. | ||
| I'm not saying that. | ||
| I'm just saying I don't think it would be like piranhas where it's instant. | ||
| Piranhas aren't instant. | ||
| If you're bleeding, it aren't. | ||
| No, they cut things and they bite things. | ||
| Like this idea that they get a burn right through you. | ||
| I used to keep piranhas. | ||
| Yeah, but hold on. | ||
| A piranha in a tank is not the same as a piranha in the Amazon. | ||
| I've seen the piranhas in the Amazon. | ||
| I'm not defending piranhas. | ||
| I'm not defending the piranhas. | ||
| I'm not saying they're safe or anything, but the way a shark does it, like sharks take enormous chunks out of your body. | ||
| Piranhas like go through you eventually. | ||
| Yeah, but the- They're pretty impressive, the way they swarm. | ||
| That's the thing, the swarming. | ||
| Sharks are doing that too, man. | ||
| They don't swarm in the same way. | ||
| That's what it looked like over there. | ||
| Yeah, but that's because I don't think it's the same thing. | ||
| If you threw like a dead dolphin on top of that, you don't think they would tear apart that the same way these fish are tearing apart this dead fish? | ||
| It would be the same thing. | ||
| This is the strangest argument I've ever been, and I don't disagree with you. | ||
| I agree with you completely that if you threw in a dead dolphin there or in the Amazon, that they'd be dismembered in seconds. | ||
| I don't think we're in a disagreement. | ||
| I think we got caught up in a little bit of a dick-waving contest there. | ||
| Okay, I want to hear what you're most excited about with the club. | ||
| I'm just excited to have it and to make a place in Austin where comics can work out all the time. | ||
| I just want it where people can develop. | ||
| We're going to have a nice open mic program. | ||
| We brought in Adam Egott, who is the talent coordinator for the Comedy Store, and we brought him in and we brought this great staff in with a specific idea to make it a place where comics can start out, develop, become professional. | ||
| There's a clear path. | ||
| Instead of... | ||
| Comedy has always been, like, very difficult for people to go from being an open-miker to being a professional to making it. | ||
| If you go to an open-mic night, open-mic nights are littered with people who are talented that, for whatever reason, they didn't get enough breaks where it encouraged them to keep going, and they, you know, had other opportunities in life, which most smart people do, and they did something else, and then maybe they came back to it later, and then they realized how far behind they were for the other people that were already... | ||
| Now they're working professionals now, and they start thinking, fuck... | ||
| I could be out there like Big Jay Oakerson. | ||
| I could be out there like Ari Shafir. | ||
| And they never really make it. | ||
| And there's a lot of funny people that never really make it. | ||
| It's real weird. | ||
| And I think every other art form has like a very clear path. | ||
| Like, if you are a concert pianist, you can learn how to play piano. | ||
| You can take lessons. | ||
| You can get better at it. | ||
| You can learn how to play guitar. | ||
| Someone will teach you how to make the chords and make the notes and all this stuff. | ||
| I don't know how to play guitar. | ||
| I'm just talking. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| I got you. | ||
| The thing about comedy is you have to figure it out on your own, and everybody figures it out differently because there's so many different fucking styles. | ||
| There's Jay London style. | ||
| There's Louis C.K.'s style. | ||
| There's so many styles. | ||
| There's Chris Rock style. | ||
| Everybody has a different way of being funny. | ||
| And you need a place where you know that they are hoping that you get better, and they want you to get better. | ||
| Not just like a dog-eat-dog world like the store used to be. | ||
| Or like a lot of these other places are, but a place that encourages people to be better and to get better at comedy. | ||
| And gives you a place where you can try it out and you can get to see, like, one of the things about the store that was so great is, you know, Chris Rock would come into town and he would go and do a set and we'd all sit in the back and watch. | ||
| Like, you get a chance to watch the best comics in the world all the time. | ||
| And I think we could do that here. | ||
| I think it's a service to comedy. | ||
| I think it'd be great for all of us. | ||
| Selfishly, it'd be great for me. | ||
| And so that's why I decided to do it. | ||
| I think Austin is a lot better of a place to have this kind of camaraderie and less cynicism than New York and LA. I think those cities, especially LA from my understanding, are far more competitive in a negative sense where you think if someone's succeeding, it's because, you know, it's at your expense. | ||
| Whereas everything I've seen here, everyone who's making it happen are so into helping each other out and having each other's back and being like fans of one another. | ||
| That was an environment that we fostered at the Comedy Store. | ||
| And I think that environment, a lot of it came out of the recognition that in the world of podcasting, we're no longer competitors to each other. | ||
| We're actually assets to each other. | ||
| And being friends with people like you, or being friends with Lex, or being friends with any comics, you want other people to know about them. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Everybody benefits from... | ||
| People generally know that if I have someone on, especially like you who's been on more than once, I like them, and they're fun, and we have cool conversations. | ||
| So they go and gravitate towards you. | ||
| It helps them trust me and my taste for guests, and it helps you, and it elevates everybody. | ||
| It used to not be that way. | ||
| It used to be everybody was competing to be Seinfeld. | ||
| There's only one Seinfeld. | ||
| He's the star of the show. | ||
| There's only one time slot. | ||
| It's like fucking Thursday night at 8 p.m. | ||
| That's when it is. | ||
| No one gets that spot other than Seinfeld. | ||
| You gotta wait until he retires. | ||
| And so then there's the Friends spot, and there's the Caroline and the City spot. | ||
| There's a very small number of things and if you got that it was life-changing and people around people got those things and their life changed and they're driving a Mercedes and you're the same fucking guy in a Hyundai and you do better than him. | ||
| Like you go up at Wednesday night at 10 p.m. | ||
| and maybe he struggles following you, but it doesn't matter because he got a fucking sitcom. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And the sitcom was like the holy grail. | ||
| That was the thing that everybody wanted. | ||
| And so everybody got like hyper competitive and looked at each other as being like an impediment. | ||
| Like there was a, you're going to be in competition with me for my dream. | ||
| Right, I don't have it because you took it from me. | ||
| Yeah, well that's how people thought. | ||
| I could have been that guy. | ||
| There was a lot of those guys that were like hanging around the Comedy Store when I first got there in 94 that missed the Kinnison wave. | ||
| There's waves that come or like great comics come through and along with them a lot of other great comics come. | ||
| There's like the Kinnison, Bill Hicks and there were so many guys that came along during that time and Dice Clay and some guys just missed that wave. | ||
| They just didn't put it together for whatever reason. | ||
| And there was a lot of those guys that were hanging around the store when I got there. | ||
| It was not good. | ||
| Comics rely on community. | ||
| It's a very important part of what we do. | ||
| You have fun with each other. | ||
| You support each other. | ||
| You laugh with each other. | ||
| It's fun. | ||
| Stanhope once famously said, I could give up comedy, but I couldn't give up comedians. | ||
| Yeah, when I'm hanging out with you guys backstage at Vulcan, everyone is so friendly, and they're busting each other's balls, of course, but it's really welcoming. | ||
| It's fun! | ||
| It's how New York was at some times and some places, but there's a lot of, in New York, this kind of, like, who's this guy? | ||
| What can he do for me? | ||
| You know, what's his follower count? | ||
| What's this? | ||
| What's that? | ||
| And I don't feel that here. | ||
| We had managed to avoid a lot of that in LA at the store at one point in time. | ||
| It wasn't all of us, though, because the store has all kinds of different personalities. | ||
| And some personalities don't feel like they're getting their just-do, and some personalities are bitter, and some personalities are angry that someone is successful or famous, that people like them. | ||
| It's just wasted energy. | ||
| But there's always going to be those people when you have those hyper-competitive environments that aren't supportive. | ||
| It's a thing that you learn coming up. | ||
| If you learn that, you see how... | ||
| Have you ever seen a guy who steals and he brings opening axe and the opening axe starts stealing? | ||
| That used to be a real thing. | ||
| What? | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Guys who steal, they would have opening axe and those opening axe would be stealing too because they learned from the guy who was the big guy. | ||
| Oh, God. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So there was a few of those guys that would go on the road and steal. | ||
| And a lot of their opening acts would wind up be joke buccaneers, too. | ||
| And it'd be a real problem. | ||
| And we realized, we'd say, oh, he worked with him. | ||
| And we'd be like, oh, okay. | ||
| And then he thinks it's okay, because it's like you follow your mentors. | ||
| Or he thinks, this is just what they do. | ||
| This is what people do. | ||
| No one makes up jokes. | ||
| I heard it somewhere. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Everyone thinks the same things. | ||
| There's only seven jokes. | ||
| Well, it's also the kind of thing where the guy tells, like, Simpsons quotes at a party, so he's funny, so he's like, why can't I just do this on stage? | ||
| He's not going to think anything's weird that I'm doing Simpsons jokes on stage, or like, whatever jokes. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| It's a weird thing, man. | ||
| It's like creativity depends upon so many different factors. | ||
| And we're definitely influenced by each other, but I think it's in a positive way. | ||
| I think when it crosses over into negativity, that's when it becomes a problem. | ||
| People get competitive in terms of like they're taking people's premises or taking people's ideas and twisting them around like, hey, Like you're doing something squirrelly you're doing and there's like different levels of that like some people do it and it's just out-and-out thievery and some people do it and it's just like they both have the same thought parallel thinking is a real common situation especially with like A lot of social issues and a lot of times the punchline is gonna be something that two people came up with the same time because kind of obvious, | ||
| you know, absolutely and Happens all the time. | ||
| But there's a difference between that and the whole set. | ||
| Fievery. | ||
| Because you see guys working out. | ||
| You see them trying new stuff. | ||
| You see the bits develop. | ||
| I work with Hinchcliffe all the time. | ||
| And he's always got new shit. | ||
| And he's always got this new idea. | ||
| And he's always reworking it. | ||
| And we're talking about it. | ||
| And game planning it. | ||
| And try it like this. | ||
| And what about that? | ||
| And he comes up with new taglines where we're all hanging around backstage. | ||
| And then he tries them the next day, they kill. | ||
| Some of the best jokes that Hinchcliffe has ever come up with, he came up making me laugh while we were on drives, like in between shows. | ||
| So that hang is so important. | ||
| Do you think, because I'm getting this sense, but I'm obviously not a professional comedian, that a lot of this kind of so-called woke culture, whatever, that's been supposedly killing comedy, I feel like that's receding and that there is a lot of space, especially here, to tell jokes whatever the hell you want without fear of repercussion. | ||
| Yeah, and you know what? | ||
| One of the big supporting factors of that idea is Kill Tony. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because Kill Tony, you get one minute, and the comedians are ruthless and hilarious, and they're all like Roseanne's on there, and all these killers that come into town. | ||
| Shane Gillis, all these people go and guest on that show, and comics get one minute. | ||
| And if they do well, everybody supports them and cheers them on, says you're really funny. | ||
| Good luck. | ||
| I'd pay to see you. | ||
| And they walk out of there fucking lifted. | ||
| Like a few good words of advice and praise from a legitimate stand-up to an upcoming stand-up are so fucking huge. | ||
| And I think we can provide that here. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I've seen it firsthand already. | ||
| I've been to Kill Tony. | ||
| It's a lot of fun. | ||
| It's a lot of fun. | ||
| And I think it's really important for setting the tone. | ||
| It's just about funny. | ||
| This is not about you espousing your social values. | ||
| And there's a kind of a thing, a claptor thing that some of these kids are getting sucked into, where you're trying to espouse social values. | ||
| I've seen people actually say, if you're not using your comedy to elevate social justice, then fuck you. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| You're just not good. | ||
| You're just not good. | ||
| You're not good at this thing that we all do and love. | ||
| Like when we watch people that are great comics that have a social message, whether it's Dave Chappelle or whether it's George Carlin or whoever it is, they have that with jokes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| The most important part is that it has to be funny. | ||
| You get a certain amount of juice from going for the social justice angle where people are like, yes, and they clap. | ||
| And you can get addicted to that, but that's not what you're there for. | ||
| You're there to make them laugh. | ||
| You can't just say something and hope they clap with you. | ||
| You should figure out a way to make that funny. | ||
| That's what we do. | ||
| And you don't have to. | ||
| By the way, if you want to do claptor and fill audiences with, you know, people that are fucking inside your wheelhouse and they like to hear you say the things that they think, fine. | ||
| That's great. | ||
| It's shocking to me how much late night comedy has fallen. | ||
| And because there's a lot more than when we were young. | ||
| Used to be like Johnny Carson and Letterman after him, right? | ||
| How many? | ||
| There's like 10 of them now. | ||
| The fact that Hennessy rates... | ||
| Isn't a household term that when Hunter Biden was texting his lawyer, like, don't charge me no Hennessy rates. | ||
| Like, that's such a funny expression. | ||
| I didn't know that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You said Hennessy? | ||
| What does that mean by Hennessy rates? | ||
| Expensive. | ||
| Don't charge me no Hennessy rates. | ||
| Oh, Hennessy's expensive liquor. | ||
| That's funny. | ||
| So, like, that is such a joke waiting to happen. | ||
| The fact that this isn't, like, being beaten... | ||
| You have a dementia patient with a crackhead son. | ||
| Like, the punchlines... | ||
| I'm not a comedian. | ||
| The punchlines write themselves. | ||
| But they're so... | ||
| Invested in this bizarre partisanship that you can think Biden's a joke and still think Trump's an asshole. | ||
| A hundred percent. | ||
| And for you to deny it is not doing your cause any justice. | ||
| You need to look at what you're seeing and talk about it accurately. | ||
| And just because you think that somehow or another talking badly about Biden is going to make Trump become president... | ||
| Shut up. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Shut the fuck up. | ||
| That's not your job. | ||
| Your job is to point out what's funny. | ||
| What's funny is this guy keeps falling upstairs. | ||
| He's clearly deteriorating before our eyes, and everybody wants to pretend it's not happening. | ||
| It's just madness. | ||
| You know that your brain's fucked up when you fall up the stairs. | ||
| Dude, it's not. | ||
| Well, first of all, why they got him in those slippery shoes? | ||
| Put some fucking rubber-soled shoes on that man. | ||
| You know, don't give him those goddamn dress shoes with the slippery surfaces. | ||
| Is that what he's wearing? | ||
| Those are fucking slideies. | ||
| Is that what it is? | ||
| I can fall upstairs with like a pair of cowboy boots on or something. | ||
| If you don't rough them up on the bottom, those shits are fucking slippery. | ||
| Have you ever put on like dress shoes with the hard leather soles? | ||
|
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|
No. | |
| Oh my god, if you do and you try to walk on carpet- It's like ice skating? | ||
| It's totally like ice skating. | ||
| You could slide. | ||
| You could slide on those things. | ||
| Like a real leather soled dress shoe? | ||
| You gotta scuff the shit out of those bitches. | ||
| Yeah, I got a pair from David August. | ||
| They're really nice, and they're dress shoes, but I don't fucking wear them. | ||
| Like, I have to go outside and sandpaper the fuck out of them before I can walk around on them. | ||
| The pair of dress shoes I have are made out of seal leather, which I didn't know was a thing. | ||
| They're vintage, so I wear them every chance I get, and they are very scuffed on the bottom, for sure, because they're from the 70s. | ||
| But they look absolutely amazing. | ||
| I have a pair of alligator shoes. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| Like boots? | ||
| They're like dress shoes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Gators. | ||
| Those are cool. | ||
| That's sweet. | ||
| That's for pimps. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Sweet. | ||
| There's people like ostrich, anteater, those are the other ones. | ||
| Stingray. | ||
| Derek Wolf, the football player, was here the other day and he had his friend Alex was here and his friend Alex has these boots on that were made out of fish. | ||
| It was fish skin. | ||
| Some fucking giant fish from the Amazon. | ||
| Arapaima? | ||
| I think it's arapaima. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think it's that. | ||
| See what boots they make out of fish skin. | ||
| I think it could be... | ||
| They call it barramundi is another name for it. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| That's it, I think. | ||
| I think so. | ||
| I think that's it. | ||
| Because he was wearing these... | ||
| I go, what the fuck are those? | ||
| I go, those are dope. | ||
| They were like this crazy pattern on the front of his boot. | ||
| I go, what is that? | ||
| He's like, it's actually fish skin. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think it's barramundi. | ||
| I could be talking out of my ass on this one, but I don't know. | ||
| They go hard with cowboy boots around here. | ||
| Yeah, I haven't got... | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| What is it? | ||
| Oh, Picaru. | ||
| Oh, those are the ones with the huge fangs. | ||
|
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|
Is that what it looked like? | |
| Because it might not be that. | ||
| That's definitely it, man. | ||
| If you look up what that fish looks like, if I'm thinking about the right thing, I think they're the ones with the giant fangs. | ||
| Look that up. | ||
| They look crazy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Pira... | |
| How do you say it? | ||
| Piraruku. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Piraruku. | |
| Wow. | ||
| If I'm thinking of the right fish. | ||
| What does that look like? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, it's bringing up boots. | |
| So that might be it. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fish. | |
| Oh, it is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay, it's an arapaima. | |
| Yeah, look at the size of that fucker. | ||
| So the skin on them is so tough, they turn them into fucking cowboy boots. | ||
| Isn't that wild? | ||
| Then the one I'm thinking of is the piara, I think, which have these fangs that go into their forehead. | ||
| Look at that dinosaur. | ||
| They're the largest freshwater fish. | ||
| No, the paddlefish are, but they're up there. | ||
| Sturgeons are pretty goddamn large, too, though. | ||
| Aren't they the largest? | ||
| I think it goes... | ||
| Paddlefish first? | ||
| They say arapaima would be the heaviest. | ||
| Arapaima is something. | ||
| Paddlefish is something. | ||
| You know what's the wildest shit? | ||
| The what? | ||
| The wildest shit we have. | ||
| What? | ||
| Alligator gars. | ||
|
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|
Do you know about alligator gars? | |
| Oh, yeah, yeah. | ||
| They come in different colors. | ||
| Have you seen the platinum ones? | ||
| I've seen black ones. | ||
| Yeah, they're gorgeous. | ||
| Melanistic. | ||
| But they are fucking huge. | ||
| Look at the platinum ones. | ||
| They're beautiful. | ||
| Oh my god, look at that thing. | ||
| That's a goddamn dinosaur. | ||
| Yeah, they're living fossils. | ||
| Yeah, 100%. | ||
| And their skin, like when they cut their skin, you have to cut it with metal shears. | ||
| Do you really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, their skin is like fucking armor. | ||
| Like to cut through their scales, you can't just use a knife. | ||
| You have to be like, clamp, clamp, clamp, like you're fucking breaking into a chain link fence. | ||
| Like no bullshit. | ||
| See if you can find alligator guard that they caught. | ||
| Yeah, look at that one that that dude has that he's holding up. | ||
| Bro, that's bonkers. | ||
| Look at the size of that thing. | ||
| Look at that one down there. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| The 300 pound one. | ||
| Oh my god! | ||
| 300 pounds. | ||
| Just imagine that. | ||
| And they obviously live for a very long time. | ||
| Very long time. | ||
| And that's the skin. | ||
| I guess they take that skin and they turn it into leather. | ||
|
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|
Wow. | |
| And they also use hagfish leather. | ||
| They have a lot of those out here. | ||
| A lot of alligator gars are in Texas. | ||
| My friends from Canada came down to some place in Texas specifically to hunt alligator gars. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, they catch them. | ||
| It must be pretty easy because they're surface. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't know if it's easy. | ||
| I've never done it, but I do know that they taste delicious when they smoke them. | ||
| They smoke alligator gar. | ||
| Well, smoked any kind of fish is amazing. | ||
| Yeah, but that stuff's supposed to be really good. | ||
| H-E-B has smoked tuna now, and it's really good, and it can. | ||
| 302, wow. | ||
| 302 pounds, largest alligator gar ever caught in Texas. | ||
| See if you can find the photo of that. | ||
| Man. | ||
| That's a 1953. Look at that one right there! | ||
| Jesus Christ! | ||
| Look at the head on that thing. | ||
| Can you click on that? | ||
| See what that video shows? | ||
| Oh, this guy's got one. | ||
| A landing that thing must be a nightmare. | ||
| Oh my god, must take hours. | ||
| Holy crap. | ||
| Look at that thing! | ||
| Holy shit, man! | ||
| Look at the size of that fucker. | ||
| It looks like an alligator. | ||
| Holy crap. | ||
| Yeah, right. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He says that's 300 pounds. | ||
| And those teeth are like needles. | ||
| Is that somewhere outside of Texas? | ||
| Or is that- where did he catch that? | ||
| They might be bigger somewhere else. | ||
| Because that's the biggest one they ever caught in Texas. | ||
| That thing's fucking huge. | ||
| Have you ever had Jeremy Wade on the show? | ||
| Is that the guy from River Monsters? | ||
| No, I have not. | ||
| I love that guy, though. | ||
| I love that show. | ||
| Oh, he's letting it go now. | ||
| Isn't that fucked up, like the catch and release thing? | ||
| They're just fucking with that fish's life. | ||
| That's better than killing it. | ||
| Well, then why do it? | ||
| So if you catch someone and kick their ass, it's better than killing them. | ||
| So just go around catching people and kicking their ass. | ||
| Wait, wait. | ||
| It is better to kick their ass than kill them. | ||
| It is, definitely. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But should you do it? | ||
| Should you go around catching people and kicking their ass? | ||
| Well, yeah. | ||
| Because it's better than killing them. | ||
| If they got a big mouth, someone's got to take care of it. | ||
| Well, I don't think that fish had a big mouth. | ||
| It had a huge mouth. | ||
| It bit down on the bait. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, good point. | ||
| You think that's a bad idea, catch and release? | ||
| It's not a bad idea, but it troubles me in the sense that I like to catch fish and eat them, and I think that's why I go fishing. | ||
| When I go fishing, I go fishing to eat something. | ||
| I don't go fishing to fuck with a fish. | ||
| But some of them are inedible. | ||
| And I think when something's that big, you want to have it the respect, let it reproduce. | ||
| Yeah, sure. | ||
| I don't know what the population is. | ||
| Maybe they do it because, like with largemouth bass, a lot of people don't eat largemouth bass, although you can eat them, and I've eaten them. | ||
| They taste good. | ||
| But they use them as a sport fish, and so especially when you catch big ones, they want you to let them go, because a big female has probably got a bunch of eggs in her, and it'll help the population. | ||
| It takes a long time to get that big. | ||
| And they're probably good in keeping invasive species from taking over because they're predatory. | ||
| So they're going to be kind of basically mowing the lawn, so to speak. | ||
| Sort, yeah, a little bit. | ||
| But there's a lot of invasive species in the lakes out here. | ||
| The big one's carp. | ||
| Oh, those are the ones that jump in the boat? | ||
| The silver carp? | ||
| I think those are Asian carp. | ||
| Is that what it's called? | ||
| Asian silver carp or something like that? | ||
| Something happens to them when the boat's coming near them. | ||
| They freak out. | ||
| Yeah, they jump into the boat and they start hitting people in the head. | ||
| Oh, they KO people. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| People get fucking flatlined. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| It's like those fainting goats. | ||
| They just freak the fuck out and just flop over. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| What's the biggest fish you ever caught? | ||
| Was it a gar? | ||
| Biggest fish I ever caught... | ||
|
unidentified
|
What's this guy going? | |
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Oh, the carp. | ||
| Yeah, this guy's on a boat, and these fish just... | ||
| Oh, yeah? | ||
| Oh, Jesus. | ||
| See, I don't know if you can eat those. | ||
| Carp or edible? | ||
| I bet you could. | ||
| I don't know if that carp is edible. | ||
| I'm sure it's edible. | ||
| It's probably, like, really bony. | ||
| And so what they do with a lot of those is they make fish cakes out of them. | ||
| But give out the fish's carp, yeah. | ||
| I caught a marlin once. | ||
| Oh, holy crap. | ||
| 70 pounds. | ||
| Was that hard to land? | ||
| Because they're strong as hell. | ||
| It was strong as hell, yeah. | ||
| How do you land that thing? | ||
| It takes a while. | ||
| It took like 20 minutes or so. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| But it was not that big. | ||
| It's a 70-pound marlin. | ||
| When they go in those marlin tournaments, guys, I catch a 1,000-pound marlin. | ||
| Have you ever seen one of those? | ||
| No. | ||
| I've seen the plastic ones on the wall. | ||
| See if you can find the largest marlin ever caught. | ||
| I think it's more than a thousand pounds. | ||
| Aren't they like the fastest fish? | ||
| So they're going to have power. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| They have such power. | ||
| And they're so majestic. | ||
| There's something about them with their sails and everything. | ||
| 1,376 pounds was 193 inches long. | ||
| 40 minutes is not that much time. | ||
| Well, I mean, how long can it fight for? | ||
| That's the thing. | ||
| It's like, look at the size of it. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Look at the size of that thing. | ||
| Did you keep the bill? | ||
| No, no, I didn't. | ||
| It was one of those weird deals where there's certain boats that you get on and they have their own rules, and they said, you can catch fish, but we keep the big fish. | ||
| I'm like, okay. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| It was like, first of all, it didn't bother me because I was staying in a resort. | ||
| I'm like, what am I going to do with this Marlin? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| You know, I can't eat this thing. | ||
| How am I going to eat? | ||
| Yeah, it's better if you guys keep it. | ||
| That would be funny. | ||
| And they wanted it. | ||
| So we get a Bernie's thing where you've got sunglasses on the marlin. | ||
| We were just looking for fish that we could eat, that we could bring back to, you know, a small fish, like a yellowtail or something like that, that you could bring back to the resort and you'd get the chef to cook it. | ||
| But we just got lucky. | ||
| We got caught within like 10 minutes of the fishing trip. | ||
| Did you ever watch that guy Masaru on YouTube? | ||
| Who's that? | ||
| The Japanese kid. | ||
| He goes, he catches fish and he cooks like literally everything. | ||
| Sea cucumber, starfish. | ||
| Oh really? | ||
| Half the time he's throwing up. | ||
| Oh no. | ||
| And it's all in Japanese. | ||
| You gotta watch subtitles. | ||
| He's the best. | ||
| Oh, so he tries everything? | ||
| He tries everything. | ||
| I mean, the headlines are clickbait. | ||
| Like, eating sea cucumber leads to disaster. | ||
| Yeah, he's the best. | ||
| Eating a diarrhea-causing fish extremely high in fat. | ||
| Oh, let's watch that. | ||
| He's hilarious. | ||
| Well, no, no, that's fake. | ||
| It's clickbait. | ||
| Have you ever had Escalar or white tuna at the sushi place? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| That's what that is. | ||
| So it causes anal leakage, but he's fine with it. | ||
| He's fine with anal leakage? | ||
| No, but I mean, this episode, he's not going to have diarrhea. | ||
| Oh, got it. | ||
| That looks good. | ||
| He's great. | ||
| Looks like he's having a good time. | ||
| Look up when he does the starfish. | ||
| When they have the parasites, he just cooks the parasites and eats it. | ||
| He doesn't throw it out. | ||
| He's like, alright, I'm just going to fry these worms. | ||
|
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|
I saw something. | |
| I saw some YouTube, I didn't know if it was clickbait or not, but I saw some YouTube video today that I didn't click on that said, be careful eating sushi, and it showed a guy's mouth that was open and there was like, or some part of his, it wasn't his mouth, it was like something, like they put a camera down his mouth and they found some organs in his intestines. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Or not organs, rather. | ||
| Some parasites in his intestines, like some tapeworms and shit like that. | ||
| It was horrible looking. | ||
| Yeah, but I think it's not a concern if you get to the restaurant, because they flash freeze it, don't they? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Because I think freshwater salmon is where a lot of parasites come from. | ||
| I think it's not a thing that much with saltwater fish. | ||
| I think it's less prevalent. | ||
| But I think... | ||
| You could buy fresh salmon that hasn't been frozen and you could eat it like sushi or sashimi and you could get fucked. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| I think that's pretty sure. | ||
| What do they do to keep people from getting parasites? | ||
| My understanding is they catch on the boat and they flash freeze it instantly. | ||
| My friend who's a doctor told me, don't ever eat freshwater fish raw. | ||
| The only freshwater fish that we eat at sushi is like eel, but that's cooked. | ||
| It's freshwater eel. | ||
| Salmon. | ||
| Salmon's urihelene. | ||
| Yeah, but a lot of it is, I mean, you can most certainly get freshwater salmon. | ||
| Like salmon exists in freshwater areas too, but it's a brackish fish. | ||
| Or like a trout. | ||
| Trout is going to be freshwater. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like you don't eat like sunfish sashimi. | ||
| Right, river trout is definitely a thing you'll get to sushi place. | ||
| Yeah, you can get... | ||
| Parasites can fuck you up, man. | ||
| I know some people that have eaten bad food and gotten parasites, and it's rough. | ||
| Like what kind of parasites? | ||
| Oh, like ringworm. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, ringworm you get like in the surface you skid, but roundworm, tapeworm. | ||
| I know people that got tapeworm from food. | ||
| Well, the worst is those botflies. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I have some friends that got trichinosis. | ||
| What's that? | ||
|
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|
Trichinosis is horrible. | |
| Oh, God, with the holes? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| They got trichinosis from eating bear meat. | ||
| It was for the show Meat Eater. | ||
| My friend Steve Rinella and his whole crew, they ate this bear meat and it wasn't cooked well enough. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| And they all got trichinosis. | ||
| Is that through some kind of pathogen? | ||
| It's a parasite. | ||
| There's parasites in the meat and they bore their way into your muscle tissue. | ||
| Here's what I found so you don't have to worry. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| All raw fish can have parasites, but not all raw fish does, especially when you're eating a well-established sushi restaurant. | ||
|
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|
Why? | |
| The fish you're eating was flash frozen solid at a temperature of minus 35 degrees Fahrenheit and stored that way in a commercial freezer for at least 15 hours to kill whatever parasites happened to be in it. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| Sushi is probably not fish that was caught this morning. | ||
| In fact, most states like Oregon require it to be frozen first, but that's a good thing beyond banishing parasites. | ||
| So I've eaten sushi that was not. | ||
| And I had some friends that went tuna fishing, and they said that the chef, they had this tuna fishing expedition thing. | ||
| They catch tuna, they would catch the tuna, and then the chef on board would cook for them and make sashimi right there. | ||
| Like, those people are eating it fresh. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They could get parasites. | ||
| Yes, of course. | ||
| But freshwater, I think, is the worst. | ||
| I was wondering what it was called, and it says it here. | ||
| The candling, they do. | ||
| They have a high-powered flashlight to check. | ||
| Through the fillets to look for any abnormalities, including bones. | ||
| They either remove them or discard the fish. | ||
| You're playing the home game. | ||
| You can do this easily enough yourself using a very bright flashlight. | ||
| Furthermore, that seafood processor probably get a lot of their product from fish farms, which is less likely to be riddled with worms. | ||
| So I have read things about people getting parasites from salmon. | ||
| Well, but when I was looking it up, I found a lot of people like tapeworm from sushi. | ||
| You can get a nematode, which is like a larva, a worm larva. | ||
| And so is that people that don't follow this flash frozen rule? | ||
| Because trichinosis, one of the things about trichinosis is it survives freezing. | ||
| Oh, Jesus. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| It depends on the trichinosis, apparently, because some trichinosis from the southern states doesn't survive freezing, but some of the stuff from like Alberta and Alaska, it survives freezing. | ||
| It's like there's different strains of trichinosis, but you have to cook it to like 160 degrees to kill it. | ||
| What happens when you get it? | ||
| How do you cure it? | ||
| Well, you're fucked. | ||
| Ivermectin? | ||
| For the rest of your life. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ivermectin, yeah. | |
| It might be, actually. | ||
| It's an antiparasitic. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's true. | |
| Yeah, you're right. | ||
| It actually might be. | ||
| I don't know what they take, but he took a lot of shit. | ||
| And he was really rough. | ||
| It was really rough for him. | ||
| Like, achy body. | ||
| Because it's literally digging into your fucking muscle tissue. | ||
| I'm sure you could feel it, too. | ||
| So if someone ate him, they would get trichinosis. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Isn't that wild? | ||
| Like, that's where you're getting it. | ||
| You're getting it from an animal that ate an animal that had trichinosis. | ||
| Also, this article, I clicked the link, one person got sick off of it, and then a lot of articles started coming out. | ||
| Yeah, media goes apeshit after one guy gets sick off sushi. | ||
| Sushi usually contains raw food, it's not cooked, raw things are full of bacteria. | ||
| One guy got it in Portugal, and then there was a bunch of... | ||
| Do you know what's interesting? | ||
| Do you remember, like, in the 80s, people who ate sushi were regarded as, like, lunatics? | ||
| And like in movies, if someone had California roles, all the other characters would be like, oh, what are you eating over there? | ||
| And now it's just like at the mall. | ||
| And no one even like blinks. | ||
| It's totally normal. | ||
| It's at the supermarket. | ||
| You get supermarket sushi. | ||
| HGB has great sushi. | ||
| Do they? | ||
| They do! | ||
| HGB has great everything. | ||
| I love HGB. I'm so delighted by it. | ||
| That's a risky, risk-taking person. | ||
| They eat supermarket sushi. | ||
| I don't think it is, though. | ||
| It's a different kind of human. | ||
| I think... | ||
| I should be on Fear Factor. | ||
| Gas station sushi. | ||
| Can you imagine a Fear Factor? | ||
| H-E-V sushi. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Gas station sushi? | ||
| You're not allowed any wasabi. | ||
| This is real Fear Factor shit. | ||
| What's the riskiest thing you eat? | ||
| A gas station burrito? | ||
| What's the riskiest... | ||
| Or a hot dog. | ||
| Hot dogs. | ||
| Hot dogs on that spinner. | ||
| Gas station hot dog. | ||
| The hot dog is on those fucking rotating things. | ||
| Is that the riskiest? | ||
| At a gas station. | ||
| That's got to be the riskiest. | ||
| That's pretty risky. | ||
|
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|
Especially if there's cheese inside or something else. | |
| For sure you're eating some dicks and assholes. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| And you're also probably going to get diarrhea because of the fat content. | ||
| Maybe you are. | ||
| Possibly. | ||
| I'm going to fucking cruise right through that hot dog. | ||
| What would be the weirdest, griskiest thing? | ||
| Anything I cook, am I right? | ||
| Whatever comes out of my wife's kitchen! | ||
| But anyway. | ||
| That's what's going to be tonight at the Comedy Mothership. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| We're bringing back old-timey jokes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Falcon's going to bring his puppy. | ||
| I did an event for my friend Tom Woods. | ||
| It was his 200th episode. | ||
| And because Neil Hamburger made this joke like 15 years ago on Red Eye, I got a dummy made out of him. | ||
| And I did the Centriloquist Act. | ||
| And it gave me an excuse to wear a mask because then I don't have to be good with my lips. | ||
| And it was the first time I bombed. | ||
| Like, I bombed. | ||
| And the only thing that saved me from bombing was some drunk person rushed the stage and was yelling at me to take off the mask and that I'm giving in to the regime and he had to get tackled. | ||
| And everyone thought it was a bit. | ||
| And I'm like, no, no, I was just bombing fire on my own and this guy saved me. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| Yeah, it was a bit. | ||
| The funny thing is I still have this puppet I had made of him, like this Muppet, and I just have in the house to scare people. | ||
| The pandemic was the greatest thing ever for ventriloquists. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's the best. | ||
| You don't have to try. | ||
| Let's put a plague mask on and fucking... | ||
| Have you ever tried to do ventriloquism? | ||
| No. | ||
| It's hard. | ||
| I bet. | ||
| I wish someone had sat me down like, dude, practice, don't just go up there and ring it. | ||
| There's no fucking way you can do that. | ||
| There's no fucking way you can do that. | ||
| No, but it's not just that. | ||
| It's that you have to coordinate this with this hand. | ||
| That seems easy, Pat. | ||
| No, it's not. | ||
| The P's. | ||
| The P's are the problem. | ||
| It's like trying to circle your head and pat your stomach at the same time. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| If you're focusing on your mouth, you can't concentrate on your hand. | ||
| Oh, so it's like playing guitar and singing. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| You can figure it out. | ||
| Well, I didn't. | ||
| And I paid the consequences for it. | ||
| So, I could. | ||
| Maybe if I didn't just fucking wing it. | ||
| It was bad news. | ||
| And I was the closing act. | ||
| Everyone's like, oh my god, Michael Moss is gonna kill it! | ||
| And everyone's just sitting there on their hands. | ||
| You don't see a lot of ventriloquist acts anymore. | ||
| What's that guy's name with the... | ||
| Jeff Dunham. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, he's huge. | ||
| But I think he's one of those guys that's like Carrot Top, where when someone gets so big with that genre, they kind of own the genre now. | ||
| Right. | ||
| What are you trying to be, Carrot Top? | ||
| Yeah, when I was a kid, when I was starting out, there was a lot of prop acts. | ||
| There would be one every couple of shows. | ||
| Is that right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, there's quite a few. | ||
| Guy started out as prop acts and eventually dropped the props. | ||
| Like Mitzi Short was always like, drop the props. | ||
| She'd make you drop the props. | ||
| She'd make you put away the guitar. | ||
| She'd make you put away the guitar and fucking eat shit. | ||
| I remember when I was young and Stern had the E show, right? | ||
| And he had Carrot Top on. | ||
| And everyone's like, oh my god, he's got to have Carrot Top on. | ||
| He's got a Carrot Top on. | ||
| And it was just really, really great because Carrot Top comes in. | ||
| Everyone thinks he's going to nuke him. | ||
| And he's like... | ||
| I'm supposed to hate you? | ||
| He's like, wait, what's your crime? | ||
| You make families laugh with toys and everyone leaves and has a great experience? | ||
| Why are you a bad guy? | ||
| It was really kind of funny. | ||
| He was the whipping boy for comedians forever. | ||
| He's a really nice guy. | ||
| Scott is a fucking really good guy. | ||
| Yeah, I saw you had him on. | ||
| He's a fucking sweetheart. | ||
| I love him. | ||
| But what's the crime that he makes people laugh? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nothing. | |
| No crime. | ||
| I never got it. | ||
| I never participated in it. | ||
| I didn't get it. | ||
| I don't understand the hate. | ||
| I don't care if someone does something different than what I do. | ||
| I don't understand why that would be bad. | ||
| He's funny. | ||
| Oh, I should have made this a ventriloquist thing. | ||
| He's fucking funny. | ||
| Hey, Joe. | ||
| Have a South Park head with him. | ||
| Hey, Joe, what's going on? | ||
| I'm building robots. | ||
| Look how stoic he looks. | ||
| So stoic. | ||
| She really nailed it. | ||
| Oh my god, she nailed it. | ||
| I'm going to frame that face and put it in my house. | ||
| He's going to be so excited when he sees it. | ||
| Yeah, he is. | ||
| He will. | ||
| I hadn't seen it either. | ||
| Guarantee you. | ||
| Hey, Lex. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's got a great fucking show. | |
| Yeah, he does. | ||
| When I do his show, we always dress up. | ||
| I see. | ||
| Last time I was on, I was dressed as Kraftwerk because of the robots. | ||
| And everyone's like, why is he wearing lipstick? | ||
| I'm doing Kraftwerk. | ||
| Relax. | ||
| And he was dressed like Santa. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| Duncan Trussell and I do that. | ||
| We dress up, and last time, one of the times, it might not have been the last one, but one of the times we dressed up, we had candles all over the table, so the only light in the room was candles, and we were both dressed like clowns, and it was featured on Fox News, because we went on some crazy rant they agreed with, and they said, Joe Rogan had a really good point. | ||
| He's fucking dressed like a clown. | ||
| Like, I'm a literal clown. | ||
| Like, you're coming to me for good points? | ||
| I was on Tim Pool, and I had a propeller beanie, and shout out to Jose Garcia. | ||
| He put a motor in so this propeller was spinning. | ||
| And I'm just talking about Woodrow Wilson and the American Economic Association on things happening in the early progressive era. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And all these people online are like, I can't take someone seriously who's got a propeller beanie on. | |
| I'm like, well, that's the point. | ||
| That is the point. | ||
| I'll tell you, Tim's coming back April 14th at Vulcan. | ||
| It's going to be me, Alex, Blair, Alex Stein, and him on stage. | ||
| I'm sure Ian's going to be there. | ||
| And I've got the most amazing outfit, I'll tell you, off the air. | ||
| And the trick is to have no one acknowledge that you're in an outfit. | ||
| I can't wait to see it. | ||
| It's gonna be a lot of fun. | ||
| That sounds like fun. | ||
| I love silly shows like that, where two guys wear an outfit. | ||
| And if you do, whatever criticism anybody lobbies your way, come on. | ||
| I'm dressed like a clown. | ||
| I'm mocking myself. | ||
| Joe, sometimes it's hard for me to realize how normies think. | ||
| I remember I had a job interview. | ||
| This must have been 20 years ago. | ||
| And the guy who was interviewing me was like 27. So he was a young, cool dude, whatever. | ||
| And I was telling him I was just listening to Insane Clown Posse, and they're singing about how they took their manager and threw him out of a window, and that they stabbed the mail paper man, and now they drive around in his truck. | ||
| And it was hilarious. | ||
| And the guy's like, wow, some people are really crazy. | ||
| I'm like, they're clowns. | ||
| They call themselves clowns. | ||
| This is absurdity and it's ridiculous. | ||
| They're not throwing people out of fucking windows. | ||
| But for him, it was just like, this is weird and stupid. | ||
| I'm like, okay. | ||
| Yeah, okay. | ||
| I'm dressed like a clown. | ||
| I put the clown suit on. | ||
| On purpose. | ||
| I'm not wearing a suit and tie begging to be taken seriously. | ||
| I didn't wake up and I'm like, holy shit, I'm in clown gear and I can't take it off. | ||
| You can't beg to be taken seriously. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Especially the kind of stuff that you talk about. | ||
| Like you say some very controversial shit, and it's funnier if it's coming out of a guy with a propeller hat on. | ||
| What was the inspiration to write this book? | ||
| This Book of Hope by Michael Malice? | ||
| The inspiration was, it's the story of the rise of the Soviet Union. | ||
| What actually happened there. | ||
| And part of the inspiration was, it bothers me how people, when they complain about how oppressive governments can be, we have no idea how bad it could be here. | ||
| And having come from there, obviously Lexus from there as well, to realize this is the bullet that my family dodged. | ||
| So I go through the way they starved millions of people in Ukraine. | ||
| They forced people to go on trial to admit to things that not only did they not do, but were literally impossible. | ||
| The way they turned parents against their children and children against their parents. | ||
| And, of course, the concentration camps, the gulags. | ||
| But the scary thing was every step of the way, whatever atrocity happened, there were people in the West who are still in powerful agencies, New York Times, The New Republic, The Nation, who were tripping over themselves to not only excuse and defend these things, but to say, hey, we need to be more like Stalin here. | ||
| So 75% of this book is as dark as it gets. | ||
| A lot of times people tell me, oh, you're naive, you think people are basically good. | ||
| No. | ||
| But the point being, they lost. | ||
| And they lost so hard that the country no longer exists, and we don't even talk about it. | ||
| This was what was bothering me, that millions of lives were lost, people were tortured in ways that are completely unspeakable, and now we just pretend it never happened. | ||
| And I'm like, I'm going to do something about, A, giving testimony to these countrymen of mine, but also pointing out we won, and we won relatively easily, and relatively recently. | ||
| When you think about all the atrocities of history, why do you think that that one, which is fairly recent, is not discussed as much? | ||
| Okay, there's a couple of reasons. | ||
| One is there's no easy narrative, right? | ||
| So it's very clear in World War II that Hitler's a bad guy. | ||
| We can't say Stalin's really a bad guy because why are we teaming up with him? | ||
| People like the WWE version of history, right? | ||
| Good versus bad. | ||
| If he's on our team and we're the good guys, he can't really be that bad. | ||
| So that's part of it. | ||
| Second is there would have to be a lot of accountability. | ||
| When the New York Times is saying explicitly there is no starvation in Ukraine, nor is there likely to be. | ||
| Page A1 headlines, what are they going to talk about it now? | ||
| What year was this? | ||
| Early 30s, the Hall of Demore. | ||
| So were they getting bad information or were they ideologically captured because they were Marxists? | ||
| So their guy who they had there was someone named Walter Durante and he was a really interesting figure because he actually stole Aleister Crowley's girlfriend. | ||
| Aleister Crowley was like the first big Satanist. | ||
| And there were perverse incentives working behind the Iron Curtain. | ||
| This wasn't the Iron Curtain then, that came later. | ||
| But the idea was if I'm in Moscow and I'm writing for a Western outlet, I have to get it through the sensors. | ||
| I can't just email somebody. | ||
| I got to get you to approve it. | ||
| So it's your job as the guy working for the government to make sure that what I'm putting out isn't too damaging to the Soviet Union. | ||
| And you could play a game where you're like, let me talk to my supervisor. | ||
| I have a deadline. | ||
| I'm going to have to play ball. | ||
| So that was one incentive that even if you were the most honest reporter in these countries, you still had a lot of pressure to kind of toe the party line or else they could just deport you overnight. | ||
| I mean, where you're staying is at the government's largesse. | ||
| So that was part of it. | ||
| Second is, I'm not in his head. | ||
| I don't know why Walter Durante was covering up for this genocide. | ||
| But the fact of the matter is there's someone named Gareth Jones, and there was a movie about him called Mr. Jones. | ||
| And he's like, something's not adding up. | ||
| So he went on a train through Ukraine, got out early. | ||
| And just went through all the towns and he saw for himself what was happening. | ||
| These people are telling him we're starving. | ||
| They're ransacking our houses. | ||
| They can tell by our face if we're not starving because if your cheeks aren't hollow, you're hiding food. | ||
| They come back in the middle of the night, ransack your house. | ||
| If there's soup thrown on the floor, Take off your clothes and throw you out into the cold. | ||
| It's your fault. | ||
| You're the Kulak. | ||
| Your fault why the rest of Russia's hungry. | ||
| They made them great scapegoats. | ||
| He reported what was happening, and then all the Western reporters ganged up on him like he's lying. | ||
| This is just anti-communist propaganda. | ||
| You don't get it. | ||
| So again, another example was Henry Wallace, who was FDR's second vice president. | ||
| He visited a Gulag in Siberia, and he comes back talking about how they're well-treated. | ||
| There's all these people moving to Siberia. | ||
| It's like the Wild West. | ||
| They're frontiersmen. | ||
| And then Eleanor Lipper, who was on the far side of the fence, escaped years later. | ||
| She was a foreign national. | ||
| And she goes, I was there. | ||
| We were imprisoned. | ||
| We were beaten, raped, like starving. | ||
| But they just put on a song and dance for You Fell For It, Hook, Line and Sinker. | ||
| So that story, I think, needs to be told. | ||
| And that's one of the reasons I wrote the book. | ||
| So people could see how much blood is on the hand of so many Western influencers to this day. | ||
| And then you have these things where like, for example, Joe Rogan gets arrested, right? | ||
| There's nothing you can do to me. | ||
| You can break my fingers. | ||
| You can break my nose. | ||
| I'm a tough dude, whatever. | ||
| See what happens when your wife or kids get arrested. | ||
| See what you're going to start confessing to. | ||
| You're going to confess to whatever the fuck they want. | ||
| Whatever the fuck they want. | ||
| And that's the techniques that they used. | ||
| Speaking of which, did you see the new video of the fucking QAnon shaman being led through the Capitol building by police? | ||
| No. | ||
| What happened there? | ||
| You know, there's the story of the violent insurrection. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh yeah, of course. | |
| That's the narrative, right? | ||
| By the way, let's just be real clear. | ||
| You shouldn't break into the fucking Capitol building. | ||
| You shouldn't be trying to overthrow the government. | ||
| You shouldn't be trying to get out there and say that the election was false when you don't exactly know. | ||
| You're just buying into it and then you all invade the Capitol. | ||
| It wasn't good. | ||
| It wasn't a good look for America. | ||
| It wasn't good for any of the people there. | ||
| Nothing was good about January 6th. | ||
| Let's be real clear. | ||
| But when you watch the video of that guy being led around through the Capitol building by police, they're basically giving him like a tour. | ||
| They're talking to him and hanging out with him. | ||
| At one point in time, it's him and there's like six police officers around him and they're not arresting him. | ||
| They're not throwing him to the ground. | ||
| There's no violence at all. | ||
| I don't think what that guy did was good. | ||
| I don't think what any of those people did was good. | ||
| It wasn't smart to fucking barge into the Capitol and take pictures of your feet on Nancy Pelosi's desk. | ||
| It's fucking stupid. | ||
| It's a crime. | ||
| But they were leading him around. | ||
| The cops were talking to him and hanging out with him. | ||
| They weren't arresting him immediately. | ||
| It wasn't like he was this violent guy who broke in and started smashing things and fucked the government. | ||
| They stayed between the velvet ropes. | ||
| Watch the video. | ||
| Have you seen the video? | ||
| No, I have not seen the video. | ||
| See if you can find it, because Tucker Carlson highlighted it on his television show, and now everybody's up in arms because it's coming from Tucker, but it should be coming from the New York Times, too. | ||
| It should be coming from everybody. | ||
| It's just this is video footage of this guy, and it's a thing that's different than what we're being told it is. | ||
| We're being told that they barged in and fucking rawr, and they overtook the Capitol, locked them up, put them in jail, Seems edited though, I'll be honest with. | ||
| Yes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Both teams edited it in various ways. | |
| It's definitely edited, but when you see the video itself, you do see these cops walking around with this guy, and they're essentially, it's like they're giving him a tour. | ||
| It doesn't seem like what we thought it was. | ||
| I thought it was like they broke in and then they fucking scared the cops away and there were so many of them that they overtook the Capitol. | ||
| I'm gonna get a lot of heat for this and I don't care. | ||
| Where was President Trump for these people? | ||
| These are his strongest supporters. | ||
| He did not stick his neck out for them in the slightest. | ||
| He let them rot in jail. | ||
| Is that the one? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I can't tell because I'm not listening to it. | |
| So here it is. | ||
| But it turns out there's quite a bit of video you haven't seen. | ||
| And that video tells a very different story about what happened on January 6th. | ||
| Oh, they're fixing it! | ||
| More than a thousand hours of surveillance footage from in and around the Capitol have been withheld from the public. | ||
| And once you see the video, you'll understand why. | ||
| Taken as a whole, the video record does not support the claim that January 6th was an insurrection. | ||
| In fact, it demolishes that claim. | ||
| And that's exactly why the Democratic Party and its allies in the media prevented you from seeing it. | ||
| By controlling the images you were allowed to view from January 6th, they controlled how the public understood that day. | ||
| They could lie about what happened, and you would never know the difference. | ||
| Those lies had a purpose. | ||
| They created a pretext for a federal crackdown on opponents of the Uniparty in Washington. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Our office wanted to ensure that there was shock and awe that we could charge as many people as possible. | |
| The first thing you notice from viewing the full video record of January 6th is just how many people entered the Capitol building that day. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| The crowd was enormous. | ||
| A small percentage of them were hooligans. | ||
| They committed vandalism. | ||
| You've seen their pictures again and again. | ||
| But the overwhelming majority weren't. | ||
| They were peaceful. | ||
| They were orderly and meek. | ||
| These were not insurrectionists. | ||
| They were sightseers. | ||
| Footage from inside the Capitol overturns the story you've heard about January 6th. | ||
| Protesters queue up in neat little lines. | ||
| They give each other tours outside the Speaker's office. | ||
| They take cheerful selfies and they smile. | ||
| They're not destroying the Capitol. | ||
| They obviously revere the Capitol. | ||
| They're there because they believe the election was stolen from them. | ||
| They believe in the system. | ||
| Here's the man you've heard referred to as the QAnon shaman outside the Senate chamber. | ||
| These are not rioters. | ||
| These are people who wandered over from a political rally. | ||
| We will not let them silence your voices. | ||
| After the rally, they walked down Pennsylvania Avenue, where organizers had secured a federal permit to hold a legal rally on the grounds of the Capitol. | ||
| I know that everyone here will soon be marching over to the Capitol building. | ||
| To peacefully and patriotically make your voices heard. | ||
| Once at the Capitol Building, things began to get chaotic. | ||
| Capitol Police officers fired tear gas into the crowd. | ||
| A few at the front of the herd broke windows. | ||
| Someone opened the doors, and many hundreds of others just walked in. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We're going to make that the story. | |
| Of course, they did make it the story. | ||
| And at the center of it, the most famous person arrested that day was a Navy veteran from Arizona called Jacob Chansley, often referred to as the QAnon Shaman. | ||
| The so-called QAnon Shaman. | ||
|
unidentified
|
QAnon Shaman. | |
| Someone named Q Shaman. | ||
| Jacob Chansley became the face of January 6th, a dangerous conspiracy theorist dressed in outlandish costume who led the violent insurrection to overthrow American democracy. | ||
| For these crimes, Chansley was sentenced to nearly four years in prison, far more time than many violent criminals now receive. | ||
| What did Jacob Chansley do to receive this punishment? | ||
| To this day, there is dispute over how Chansley got into the Capitol building. | ||
| But according to our review of the internal surveillance video, it is very clear what happened once he got inside. | ||
| Virtually every moment of his time inside the Capitol was caught on tape. | ||
| The tapes show that Capitol Police never stopped Jacob Chansley. | ||
| They helped him. | ||
| They acted as his tour guides. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| They're opening the door for him! | ||
| Capitol Police officers take him to multiple entrances and even try to open locked doors for him. | ||
| We counted at least nine officers who were within touching distance of unarmed Jacob Chansley. | ||
| Not one of them even tried to slow him down. | ||
| Chansley understood that Capitol Police were his allies. | ||
| Video shows him giving thanks for them in a prayer on the floor of the Senate. | ||
| Watch. - Thank you, Heavenly Father, for paying the inspiration needed to these police officers to allow us in this building. - Holy crap. - Contrast the reality of what Jacob Chansley did did in the Capitol building on January 6th. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, he's bald. | |
| Indisputable facts recorded on video, some of which has never before been seen, with the depiction of Jacob Chansley that you've seen in the media for more than two years. | ||
| He's a terrorist, they said. | ||
| He should be killed. | ||
| Shoot him. | ||
| Shoot him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like, if you burst into the United States, if he was dressed like bin Laden, would you have shot him? | |
| No. Jesus. | ||
| Wild. | ||
| Right? | ||
| You're not supposed to go into the Capitol building. | ||
| Grant. | ||
| Not like that. | ||
| Not like that. | ||
| But when you see the people taking him around essentially on a tour, that's not what I thought it was. | ||
| I just hope all the conservatives watching this realize how little appetite there is in the Republican Party for defending people like this. | ||
| And thinking that Mitch McConnell, Donald Trump care about this is a delusion. | ||
| Not even defending them. | ||
| It's just, forget about it. | ||
| Let's look at what actually happened. | ||
| We didn't know that happened. | ||
| Right. | ||
| We had a version of it where it was just chaos and the cops ran away. | ||
| I would have never imagined this. | ||
| Cops were murdered. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I would have never imagined that this... | ||
| I'm shocked to see that, to be honest. | ||
| That's so wild. | ||
| And to your point that it's not a bigger story, that it's fucking Tucker who's covering this. | ||
| Well, it's just broken. | ||
| And I think people are starting to pay attention to it now. | ||
| I don't think it's broken. | ||
| I think it's by design. | ||
| I think it's by design. | ||
| It's not an accident. | ||
| No, I mean, it just broke. | ||
| Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| It got out in the world. | ||
| I think it's really recent. | ||
| And so I think people are just starting to recognize that it's not what you thought it was. | ||
| It's not good, but they did. | ||
| Clearly. | ||
| You want to peacefully protest, you do it outside. | ||
| You don't ever go into the fucking Capitol building. | ||
| If someone smashes his door, don't enter behind it. | ||
| I don't see how not having him under house arrest wouldn't be infinitely preferable to putting him in jail, which is cheaper. | ||
| Stay in your house. | ||
| They're putting him in jail for four years. | ||
| He's not violent. | ||
| There's no concern that he's going to kill someone or assault him. | ||
| He pled guilty. | ||
| Of course he did. | ||
| Of course he pled down. | ||
| If he doesn't play guilty, they give him 25 yards. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| And he was guilty. | ||
| He was there. | ||
| He was trespassing. | ||
| 100% guilty. | ||
| He definitely should be... | ||
| There should be some kind of punishment for doing that to make sure that people don't do that again. | ||
| Well, wouldn't it be better if he did actually community service and helped the community? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| Clean up. | ||
| Go fucking clean up garbage somewhere. | ||
| Yeah, go clean up that wall. | ||
| Like do that for like four years every weekend. | ||
| You have to go to the mall, clean up broken glass, fine. | ||
| The problem is like with those kind of protest things, man, the mob has a mind of its own. | ||
| And if you're in that mob and you just follow along with it and all of a sudden they have your fucking face on it. | ||
| But that didn't even seem like the mob. | ||
| Because it wasn't like they were knocking shit, pulling off of walls. | ||
| But that's also selective, right? | ||
| Sure, of course. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| This is the thing. | ||
| They're showing us only the good stuff. | ||
| If we wanted to watch all of it, I think there's some insane amount of hours of footage, and this has only been recently released, so who knows what else we can see. | ||
| I think it's just very sad that we had these big hearings for a long time, and they must have had this footage, and they sat on it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| And I feel bad for those people because they were duped. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They really thought that, like, Trump had their back, and this is okay, and, you know, we're American. | ||
| Like, the whole little narrative. | ||
| I also feel bad for people like that guy saying, shoot him. | ||
| Shoot him. | ||
| Why? | ||
| Because now if he sees this video, he's going to realize, like, oh, I was misinformed. | ||
| No way. | ||
| He will double down. | ||
| He will absolutely double down. | ||
| Really? | ||
| 100%. | ||
| Capitol Police Chief Blast Tucker Carlson over misleading January 6 footage. | ||
| Video aired by Carlson showed QAnon shaman Jacob Chansley accompanied by police but not violence on the day riot or stormed the Capitol. | ||
| And so what is he saying about it being misleading? | ||
| Fox spokespeople didn't respond to comment when asked. | ||
| Claimed by Carlson that Capitol Police served as tour guides for Jacob Chansley, the horn-wearing QAnon shaman was outrageous and false. | ||
| Manager wrote, he said that the Capitol Police were badly outnumbered on January 6th and that those officers did their best to use de-escalation tactics to try to talk rioters into getting each other to leave the building. | ||
| Okay, that makes sense. | ||
| That makes sense. | ||
| But that's still not the same. | ||
| Why are they opening doors for him? | ||
| That's still not the same narrative. | ||
| Is that de-escalation tactics? | ||
| You can see it. | ||
| Take a look at it. | ||
| But you guys got to leave. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well, I was looking at it. | |
| I thought maybe that they were taking him out. | ||
| Not in handcuffs, obviously, which maybe they should have if they thought he did bad, but leading him out of the building. | ||
| That's why the Juan cops didn't react. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like, he's taking him out. | |
| Maybe they're looking for an exit. | ||
| But it seemed like they were looking for an entrance because he was saying that he gave thanks to the police officers for letting them in. | ||
| It seemed very clear also that there was no possibility that he was going to be violent toward them. | ||
| Like they were not clearly in fear of their lives or that he was going to swing on them or anything like that. | ||
| No, no, no, not at all. | ||
| I mean they were talking to him. | ||
| He thanked them. | ||
| He gave a prayer and thanked them. | ||
| It's a very unfortunate thing. | ||
| Four years is no joke. | ||
| Four years! | ||
| It's a long fucking time. | ||
| It's a long time to be locked up. | ||
| Carlson says they checked with the Capitol Police before airing the video. | ||
| He said, we're happy to say their reservations were minor, and for the most part, they were reasonable. | ||
| Capitol Police spokesman Tim Barber said that we repeatedly request that any clips be shown to us first. | ||
| For a security review, so far we have only been given the ability to preview a single clip out of the multiple clips that aired. | ||
| So they didn't show them all the... | ||
| And his attorney didn't have that footage. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Holy crap. | ||
| Chansley's attorney, through sentencing in November 2021, said he had been provided many hours of video by prosecutors, but not the footage which Carlson aired on Monday night. | ||
| He said that he had not seen video of Chansley walking through Capitol Hallways with multiple Capitol Police officers. | ||
| What's deeply troubling, Watkins said Tuesday, is the fact that I have to watch Tucker Carlson to find video footage which the government has, but chose not to disclose despite the absolute duty to do so, despite being requested in writing to do so multiple times. | ||
| You can't. | ||
| I'm not an attorney, but I know enough that if you're a prosecutor, you're holding evidence that could clear the defendant, that's not legal. | ||
| Because discovery means you have to turn over all the evidence, not just things that will incriminate him. | ||
| It's ugly. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Can you imagine if this gets overturned? | ||
| Or he gets... | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It says Carlson's program conveniently cherry-picked from the calmer moments of our over 41,000 hours of video, Manja wrote. | ||
| The commentary fails to provide context about the chaos and violence that happened before or during these less tense moments. | ||
| Well, that's fair. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| Carlson previously produced a three-part series in 2021 called Patriot purge on the streaming service Fox Nation, which suggested the riot was orchestrated by Antifa groups, the FBI and other government agencies and was a false flag operation to discredit Trump supporters. | ||
| But... | ||
| Here's the thing. | ||
| The FBI was asked if they used Asian provocateurs on January 6th, and they refused to answer. | ||
| I'm sure you've seen that footage. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And they know about that guy, Ray Epps, that was on the Capitol grounds saying, we got to go in there. | ||
| And people are calling him a Fed, and nothing's happened to that guy. | ||
| Nothing's happened to that guy. | ||
| But the guy was clearly inciting these people to do something illegal, and they know who he is. | ||
| And they have it on tape. | ||
| Yeah, they have it on tape. | ||
| It's all very wild. | ||
| The fact that that is a practice, that they hire people to go and rile people up to go do illegal things. | ||
| But look at the Gretchen Whitmer stuff. | ||
| Yeah, that's hilarious. | ||
| Is it? | ||
| No. | ||
| It's disturbing to me. | ||
| It's horrible. | ||
| For people who don't know, tell everybody the story, because I've told it a million times, just like the Younger Dryas Impact Theory. | ||
| I don't know if I have all the details exactly right, but there was this quote-unquote conspiracy to kidnap Gretchen Whitmer, who was just recently re-elected as governor of Michigan, and it turned out that people who were instigating were working for the feds. | ||
| Is that not correct? | ||
| 14 people, 12 of them were FBI informants. | ||
| Holy crap. | ||
| Okay, yeah. | ||
| So they fucking set everything up, and these people that got arrested and wound up doing time, they're like, this was all play. | ||
| Like, I never really thought we were going to do it. | ||
| Of course, I would say that, too, if they arrested me for trying to kidnap the governor. | ||
| Do you ever get accused of being a Fed? | ||
| No. | ||
| Yeah, I'm sure. | ||
| I'm sure if I go deep down the darkest... | ||
| I'm called a shill for saying the earth is round. | ||
| So I'm sure someone out there is calling me a Fed. | ||
| I'm at the level where I am controlled opposition. | ||
| And then after that, if I get more successful, I'm going to be a PSYOP. So I'm looking forward to having that upgrade. | ||
| Yeah, I think I'm a useful idiot. | ||
| Oh, Lex gets called a Fed all the time. | ||
| Lex, are you a Fed? | ||
| I'm friends with Mike Baker, who used to be in the CIA. Well, he's a real spook. | ||
| He's a nice guy. | ||
| Yeah, I know him. | ||
| I know him from Fox. | ||
| I like him a lot. | ||
| He's my handler. | ||
| People say he's my handler. | ||
| Why would your handler be open? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Because he's pretty fucking critical about the government sometimes. | ||
| And pretty critical about the way people are handling things. | ||
| But he also gives you an insight into foreign policy in a way that you're only going to get from somebody who really understands him. | ||
| He has a very good sense of humor. | ||
| I really enjoy him. | ||
| He's a great guy. | ||
| Like a genuinely good guy. | ||
| And fucking honest about some stuff. | ||
| I'm sure he doesn't tell me something. | ||
| Of course he can't. | ||
| No, but I've talked to him about stuff, and he's like stuff off the record that's like his little operations. | ||
| And it's like, okay, this is what we did. | ||
| This is what I could tell you. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But when he talks about foreign policy, it's from an educated perspective. | ||
| He understands how operations work. | ||
| And I think that's a very valuable insight for people, to hear it from a person like him who's served like that. | ||
| It's a very different world. | ||
| And we have this idealistic, utopian view of the rest of the world. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, you're right. | ||
| Do we have this idea that Biden and Putin are going to sit down in a room or Biden and Zelensky and that's what's happening? | ||
| That's going to be the show. | ||
| But if you're going to have a WWE, you have the writers, you have the meetings, you know, all the things behind the scenes. | ||
| Look at the Cuban Missile Crisis. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| You know, yeah, it looked like we rolled them, but it's just like, yeah, because Kennedy took credit and Khrushchev had to keep his mouth shut. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And, you know, there's another problem that's going on right now is that they have a momentum of money running in that direction. | ||
| So that means there's immense amounts of profit. | ||
| And the longer this goes on, the more profit can be raised. | ||
| And then it's the sunk cost fallacy because it's like, well, we spent $50 billion. | ||
| Are you just going to let $50 billion go to waste? | ||
| All these lives lost go to waste? | ||
| We got to get our ROI. We jumped out of Afghanistan and right into Ukraine. | ||
| Yeah, you're right. | ||
| And you know what else is interesting? | ||
| I'm just circling back to the whole national divorce thing. | ||
| When people are like, oh, if Texas leaves, America won't ever let her go. | ||
| We stopped hearing about the plight of women under the Taliban in Afghanistan, which is a real problem. | ||
| Like, if you really were concerned about these humanitarian issues, that is a major, major concern. | ||
| But because the narrative isn't there, it's like, eh, screw those bitches. | ||
| Yeah, the narrative of the mistreatment of women in certain countries run by dictators is never discussed. | ||
| You know, it's always how bad America is. | ||
| But it's also like, now that we're not there, it's like, ah, too bad. | ||
| It's a complex chess game they're playing all over the world, and it's also being motivated heavily by money and resources. | ||
| Control of resources. | ||
| And power. | ||
| Power. | ||
| It's all this weird game that leaders play, and we're stuck. | ||
| We're stuck being a part of something that can, like, directly have horrific consequences for everyone. | ||
| Everyone. | ||
| I'm just gladdened by, and thanks to people like Jimmy Dore is a great example, Tulsi. | ||
| I love him. | ||
| I was just on his show. | ||
| He was on my show. | ||
| He's the best. | ||
| The idea that we should take everything coming out of D.C., out of both parties, war parties, with a grain of salt. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| And I think the fact that that's become normalized is really a great thing. | ||
| If they had their druthers, we'd be in Syria by the boatloads, as one easy example. | ||
| It's, you know, it goes back to Eisenhower. | ||
| It goes back to his... | ||
| It goes back to Wilson. | ||
| But that speech that he gave on television. | ||
| Oh, yeah, the military-industrial complex, yeah. | ||
| That speech, to this day, like, my God, what did he know that he was trying to warn us about? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Because this is a guy, this is, you know, World War II. Right, he was the guy. | |
| Yeah, I mean, and he's telling us that there's a fucking industry that wants to go to war. | ||
| We have to be careful of this. | ||
| And now it's like not even discussed. | ||
| But now I think now it's not even hidden. | ||
| No. | ||
| I think it's really understood that it was really funny. | ||
| It was like one minute it was Trump's a lunatic for talking about the deep state. | ||
| And then the next day it's like, thank God we have the deep state to fight Trump. | ||
| And without blinking an eye. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| And I think without him in the picture, people – because he in many ways is a distraction because of his huge personality, his aggression, his tweets, which I certainly enjoyed more than anyone. | ||
| But without him there as a – like either you're for Trump or you have TDS, people are like, wait a minute. | ||
| There's a lot of – Fucked up shit going on that has nothing to do with... | ||
| Nothing to do with it. | ||
| That's nothing to do with him. | ||
| And if Republicans were doing it, people would be up in arms. | ||
| Yes, yeah. | ||
| Up in arms. | ||
| The same people that have Ukraine flags in their Twitter bio, they would be up in arms. | ||
| If Trump tried to send troops to Ukraine, forget it. | ||
| Man. | ||
| It would be called for impeachment. | ||
| We're so fucking captured. | ||
| This country is so captured by these tribal ideologies. | ||
| It's so strange. | ||
| And when a person like you comes along that, you know, a self-proclaimed anarchist, that's why people don't know what to do with you. | ||
| It's really fun. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| They don't know what to do with you. | ||
| You're like, I don't think it should be any police. | ||
| I don't think it should be any government. | ||
| It's also really funny because then it's like, what's your real... | ||
| Because they can't put me in a box. | ||
| What's your real agenda? | ||
| When you say you want Texas to be independent, what do you really mean? | ||
| I'm like, I want Texas to be independent. | ||
| Okay, but is it for Israel? | ||
| Is it for China? | ||
| Is it because of this? | ||
| Because of that? | ||
| Because you're really a Democrat? | ||
| It's like, okay. | ||
| Whatever answer bothers you most is what I tell them. | ||
| You're really a Democrat. | ||
| Oh, I get that a lot. | ||
| You're friends with Blair. | ||
| You're clearly a Democrat. | ||
| That's the logic. | ||
| That's literally the logic. | ||
| Isn't she red? | ||
| Yeah, but she's trans, so she's a Democrat. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh my god! | |
| This is the thinking. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Anybody who doesn't believe trans people should be trans, like no one should be trans, you gotta meet Blair White. | ||
| And you go, oh, okay. | ||
| Good luck meeting her. | ||
| She's not very friendly. | ||
| She's friendly to me. | ||
| I know, but we may or her spend way too much time. | ||
| But you know what I'm saying? | ||
| I know exactly what you're saying. | ||
| The people that don't think that, it's like that's part of the problem that I have with some people on the right. | ||
| It's like when it gets to, like, LBGTQ people, especially, like, gay marriage and stuff, like, why do you give a fuck? | ||
| Like, what are we doing? | ||
| Well, Debra So talks a lot about this in her book, The End of Gender, and where she talks about, like, for a lot—because the argument is, well, they're all crazy. | ||
| It's like, okay, sure, but what are you going to do with this so-called crazy person? | ||
| And So talks in her book, like, for a lot of people, they grow out of it, but for a lot of them, transitioning actually does help their mental health. | ||
| Yeah, for people that are transitioning, there's a fucking spectrum just like everything else. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Exactly. | |
| But I'm talking about gay people and gay marriage. | ||
| Like, for people that oppose that, that's just nuts. | ||
| Like, if you really don't think that people are gay and you think they should just, like, not give in to that instinct. | ||
| Wait, you think that? | ||
| I don't think that's a thing anymore. | ||
| Oh, they think that for sure. | ||
| Who says that? | ||
| There's plenty of people that are Christian that think that it's just like there's temptations to murder and I don't murder. | ||
| There's people that really think that. | ||
| If you're tempted to go suck dick, more power to you. | ||
| I don't think it's just a temptation. | ||
| I think it's a deep desire. | ||
| But if you talk to some of them, they do not think that you should engage in that. | ||
| It's actually a conversation that I had with Ben Shapiro about gay people. | ||
| He just doesn't think you should do it. | ||
| I mean, he's married, to his credit, so you're not having to have those urges. | ||
| But I mean, he has friends that are gay and married. | ||
| He's friends with Ruben. | ||
| I asked Ruben about this on my show, and I'm like, dude, how can you invite someone to a wedding? | ||
| And to know that they're sitting there judging you. | ||
| And he's like, look, there's a ceiling to my friendship. | ||
| At a certain point, I realized, okay, I can't completely integrate this guy into my life. | ||
| And that was a fair answer. | ||
| I thought that was a good answer. | ||
| I'm officiating a wedding this weekend. | ||
| Paul and Eric in Arizona, who are just two close friends of mine. | ||
| Did you become an ordained minister? | ||
| No, but I am... | ||
| Joe, do you know how hard it's going to be for me to not get down on one knee from the officiating stand and propose to one or both of them on the spot? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| So I'm saying it here so I don't have to do it in real life, because I am so close to doing it. | ||
| Yeah, don't ruin their day. | ||
| It's their big day, buddy. | ||
| I mean, you knew it was a snake when you picked it up. | ||
| Keep the lights on. | ||
| You know that expression? | ||
| It's okay to have a snake in the room as long as you have the lights on. | ||
| Is that it? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm officiating another wedding later in this year for Josh and Zoe. | ||
| And I'm going to have to point out to Josh that you know she's got a kid. | ||
| Well, they have a kid together. | ||
| I mean, this is like a fake wedding because they couldn't get married during COVID. Have you ever officiated a wedding? | ||
| Yes, I did. | ||
| Isn't it so fun? | ||
| Yeah, it was fun. | ||
| It's such an honor to me. | ||
| Yeah, I became an ordained minister online. | ||
| I think I might have to do that. | ||
| Whatever they need, I'll do. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's easy. | |
| Just fill out a form. | ||
| For the University Life Church, whatever that is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Something like that. | |
| Yeah, one of them weird ones. | ||
| Maybe I'm in a cult. | ||
| I don't even know about it. | ||
| Might have been Landmark. | ||
| Did they turn you into a priest? | ||
| It's a rabbi. | ||
| Turned you into a monk? | ||
| What can I be? | ||
| Could you get a monk to marry you? | ||
| Like, what kind of people can marry you? | ||
| I think anyone can marry you. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But I mean, like, isn't there like a religious, like, a Catholic priest clearly can marry you. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But can a monk marry you? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| If I can marry you... | ||
| They could. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Just because they could. | ||
| But it's not like a thing where you don't have to get a license. | ||
| Or you don't have to become ordained. | ||
| Well, I think if you're a member of an organization that's ordained, it probably carries over. | ||
| How are you doing Scientology? | ||
| They tell you who you're marrying. | ||
| The most gangster thing that Scientology ever did is achieve tax-exempt status. | ||
| You know, it's just hitting me. | ||
| I still can't believe that we spent like five minutes on Landmark and you read the whole proposal. | ||
| Seems like a good organization. | ||
| We promoted it. | ||
| I hope they do well with people. | ||
| Screw your comedy show. | ||
| I'm going to go check out Landmark. | ||
| Seems like they have some good ideas. | ||
| I'm just waiting for the cult part. | ||
| What's the part that's bad? | ||
| What's the downside? | ||
| What is the downside? | ||
| I'm happier. | ||
| I have more friends. | ||
| My career's thriving. | ||
| Sounds like you're looking at your life in a very positive way. | ||
| Why is that bad? | ||
| What the problem is? | ||
| That's the thing. | ||
| If you think about that, someone making an organization like that, let's not say Landmark, let's not even talk about them, but someone who espoused very similar ideals about how to live your life, you'd be like, oh, that's a really good path to follow. | ||
| Seems smart. | ||
| Maybe I should align myself with them. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What was her name? | ||
| Marianne Williamson? | ||
| Have you ever had her on? | ||
| No. | ||
| Is she the presidential candidate? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I read her book, The Politics of Love, because I did an article about it. | ||
| I kind of think she's just great. | ||
| She had this piece in her book that really kind of kicked my ass in terms of just this is really great information. | ||
| She has this thing called A Course on Miracles, so you can imagine. | ||
| But she used to teach it in the 80s in LA and like all her audience is gay. | ||
| And they're dropping like flies from AIDS, right? | ||
| And she's trying to give them hope and it's like, Marianne, Ms. Williamson, we're all dying. | ||
| And she goes, okay, I'm not telling you it's going to be cured tomorrow. | ||
| What if it's like diabetes? | ||
| What if you have to live with it all your life and they cut off your foot and then your eyes pop out? | ||
| Is that so bad? | ||
| Is that so impossible? | ||
| And when you put it in those terms, it's like, okay, this is something I can actually hope for. | ||
| It becomes less of a miracle and more of like a managed realistic hope. | ||
| Wasn't that a book, A Course in Miracles? | ||
| I'm sure she had a book too, yeah. | ||
| But there was a book that was written by someone who claimed that... | ||
| I think they claimed they were channeling. | ||
| Was that A Course in Miracles? | ||
| There was a book that I remember in the 90s. | ||
| A bunch of people were trying to hand... | ||
| I think I wound up buying one. | ||
| Because a bunch of people were telling people to go get it. | ||
| It's changed my life. | ||
| One of those, I was like, what is it? | ||
| Is that the book? | ||
| A Course in Miracles. | ||
|
unidentified
|
A Course in Miracles. | |
| 1976 book by Helen Schumann. | ||
| Underlying premise is that the greatest miracle is the act of simply gaining a full awareness of love's presence in a person's life. | ||
| Schumann said the book had been dictated to her word for word via a process of inner dictation. | ||
| From Jesus Christ. | ||
| Yeah, that's what it is. | ||
| There it is. | ||
| So that book became, like, a super popular book with, like, alternative thinking people that were looking for some sort of religious thing to... | ||
| That New Age stuff? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, like, I'm not into religion, but I'm into this. | ||
| It's spiritual. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, the, I'm not into religion, but I'm into spirituality thing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But remember, Bill Hicks was in that book. | ||
| Was he really? | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| I'd never guess that. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I knew one of his ex-girlfriends who told me that that was something that he read. | ||
| I think he maybe even talked about it in an interview, too. | ||
| But it had a blue cover on it, and everybody was passing it around. | ||
| It was like the thing in the 90s. | ||
| Huh. | ||
| But then it kind of died off. | ||
| I never hear about it anymore. | ||
| Miracle over. | ||
| Is that the same lady who just announced she's going to be president? | ||
| Yeah, that's very awesome. | ||
| Yeah, that's her. | ||
| So is she reading based on that book? | ||
| A Course in Miracles. | ||
| Oh, I thought she originated that. | ||
| Inspiring teachings on A Course in Miracles. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, so she's basing it on this book. | |
| But it was dictated by Jesus Christ, so it must be good. | ||
| Well, yeah, he's really good at his stuff. | ||
| Well, he went through a lady in the 70s. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, he came back for a little bit. | ||
| But just through her. | ||
| Just checking in. | ||
| Just one more book. | ||
| You know, I think maybe people are getting the wrong impression of some of the stuff that I wrote 2,000 years ago. | ||
| He didn't write any bit. | ||
| It was all hearsay. | ||
| Oh, that's right. | ||
| So it's like, listen, Luke's a good guy, but come on. | ||
| Let me give you from the first person perspective. | ||
| And I didn't really die. | ||
| I was just like hiding. | ||
| I just wanted to take a break. | ||
| I said, yeah, I'm dead. | ||
| I was a peekaboo champion. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I just need a break. | |
| Do you need a little silent time? | ||
| I need a little alone time. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I need some me time. | |
| Jesus needs some me time, okay? | ||
| Dude, it's already 5.16. | ||
| Oh, crap. | ||
| Get the fuck out of here. | ||
| I got a comedy club to open. | ||
| Yes, sir. | ||
| Hold the book up. | ||
| Let everybody know. | ||
| It's available right now. | ||
| The White Pill by Michael Ballas. | ||
| Is it available in audio form as well? | ||
| Yes, sir. | ||
| Did you do the narration? | ||
| Of course I did. | ||
| Of course you did. | ||
| I knew it. | ||
| Yes, sir. | ||
| Wouldn't you want? | ||
| I like it when the book is read by the author. | ||
| Oh, I love it. | ||
| I hate it when an actor reads someone and you can tell they don't really give a fuck about this. | ||
| Especially if you know the author's voice. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| Like their literal voice. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| You or Jordan or someone like that. | ||
| I can't. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Thanks, Lex. | ||
| Yeah, we'll cut into Lex later. | ||
| It seems rude to cut into him on the air. | ||
| Yeah, I guess. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| All right. | ||
| Appreciate you, brother. |
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