Feb. 7, 2023 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:40:25
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
| The Joe Rogan Experience From the bartender at the comedy store to Saturday Night Live What the fuck? | ||
| I'm still processing that if you want me to be honest. | ||
| How many years was it? | ||
| How many years I worked at the store? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I think 10. 10 years at the store. | |
| What year did you start? | ||
| What year did you start comedy? | ||
| If I'm not mistaken, it was 2011. Oh, cheers, my friend. | ||
| Cheers. | ||
| So good to see you. | ||
| Thank you so much. | ||
| Congratulations on your success. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| It's been amazing to see. | ||
| This is a dream come true, just being here. | ||
| This is the success right here. | ||
| It's a dream come true for me to see you rise. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| I love it when I see people start off at the store and just get their feet under them and get their shit together and pull it off. | ||
| Woo! | ||
| It's so exciting. | ||
| It's so exciting. | ||
| It's still unreal. | ||
| I'm still like... | ||
| I was kind of mentally still in California because I remember I was out there, just this little chick from New Orleans. | ||
| I'm like, what the hell am I doing in California? | ||
| What am I doing driving down Sunset and seeing these beautiful palm trees, the things that I would see on television? | ||
| And then that time just went, it just left. | ||
| Isn't it weird? | ||
| The first time I came to California was 93. I was with my friend Gary Valentine and we were out here to do some shit for MTV and we were driving around like, we're really here? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I was 26 and I was like, what the fuck is this place? | ||
| This place is so weird. | ||
| It just felt like I'm not supposed to be here or something. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's exactly what it felt like for me. | ||
| I just got in where I fit in over there. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| Got me a little job. | ||
| I moved out there. | ||
| I had me a little change because I didn't work for six months when I first went out there because I fell in a hole in New Orleans. | ||
| A hole? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| What kind of hole? | ||
| I was just minding my business, walking down the street, and I just fell out of the world into a hole. | ||
| It was wet cement that was not blocked off. | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| And I went down to, like, neck. | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| So I was just, like, trying to get out. | ||
| And my stupid ass, I didn't realize how dangerous it was for me to be in that hole. | ||
| I was laughing the whole time. | ||
| I was like... | ||
| My stupid ass fell in a hole. | ||
| And then I had to, I was, the Walgreens was right there, so I had to go. | ||
| I bought, like, some pajamas or whatever they had. | ||
| And I went home, and my parents were like, this is not funny. | ||
| Like, you could have lost your life. | ||
| And then I got this major lawsuit. | ||
| I had to go to physical therapy because my adrenaline was pumping, so I didn't know I was hurt. | ||
| So the next day, I was just like, oh, my back was stressed. | ||
| My arms were stressed because I was banging on the ground trying to get out, trying to pull myself to the cement to climb out. | ||
| How did you get out? | ||
| Did someone help you? | ||
| No, nobody was outside. | ||
| I was screaming. | ||
| But I was laughing because I'm goofy. | ||
| And I'm like, you dumb bitch, how you falling to a hole? | ||
| But I didn't realize how serious it was till after. | ||
| And then my parents, they brought me to a lawyer. | ||
| They're like, hell no. | ||
| Like, no, you could have died. | ||
| And then I just, I forgot all about it. | ||
| I went to therapy for a year. | ||
| And then I got a check. | ||
| It took a year to get better from that? | ||
| Well, you know, with the lawyers and shit, you got to go to therapy while they litigate and figure shit out. | ||
| Did you have any lasting problems from that? | ||
| For a couple years, my neck, I had a strained back, I had a strained neck, but I was well, I was living in, for six months in Los Angeles with no job. | ||
| I was compensated pretty well. | ||
| So that's what got you to LA? Falling in a hole? | ||
| That's what got me financially... | ||
| Able. | ||
| Able. | ||
| Now, me going to LA, that's a different story. | ||
| So did you start stand-up in New Orleans? | ||
| Where'd you start? | ||
| I started in... | ||
| So I was always a comedian in my head. | ||
| Like, I would always, like, make up these little jokes. | ||
| New Orleans wasn't big on comedy. | ||
| They're still not too... | ||
| They're growing. | ||
| It's a growing comedic community out there right now. | ||
| And I just... | ||
| My... | ||
| My family, they comedians. | ||
| They just goofy. | ||
| I mean, we don't cry at funerals. | ||
| We just super, I mean, just dumb. | ||
| My mom cracked jokes when she was punishing me as a kid. | ||
| She would say riddles while she was whipping my ass. | ||
| I mean, it was nothing, like, everything was just funny. | ||
| It was nothing that was serious in my family. | ||
| If we, you know, on the weekends, you know, you clean the house, you listen to music, we listen to comedy in my house. | ||
| And before I went to sleep every night, I watched Comic View on BET. So I was like, you know what, I want to do that. | ||
| And so I started in Los Angeles when I got out there. | ||
| So the store was the first time you did stand-up? | ||
| I think the first time I ever did a set was at the Ice House in the Rhino Room. | ||
| The little room. | ||
| Yeah, the small room in the back. | ||
| Yeah, that small room is the shit. | ||
| Oh yeah, if I need to go and practice something. | ||
| That small room is truth serum. | ||
| If your jokes suck in that small room, they suck. | ||
| I'll go take a nice sexy bomb in them little bitty rooms. | ||
| Just some shit I just got in my head and I need to get out. | ||
| Oh yeah, like the belly room, rhino room. | ||
| I don't know if the Laugh Factory got a little room. | ||
| No. | ||
| No. | ||
| So I never really... | ||
| I just like the little baby rooms. | ||
| Those little rooms are... | ||
| When you're with a tiny amount of people, you get to see what's bullshit in your act. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And it's close. | ||
| And it's intimate. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you look at people dead in their eyes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like you. | ||
| So... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I like the smaller rooms. | ||
| So that was your first set. | ||
| So what year was this? | ||
| I think this was like June 2011. Mm. | ||
| It's probably on one of my... | ||
| I keep my calendars. | ||
| It's probably on one of my old calendars. | ||
| So I don't think I met you until I came back to the store, which was the 14th, 2014, I think. | ||
| Yes, and that's when all the stories started happening about you. | ||
| Because I'm like, yo, that's the Fear Factory dude. | ||
| The Fear Factory dude. | ||
| I'm like, what the, because I didn't know the history. | ||
| So when, okay, so basically, I'm like this chick from this, from, you know, New Orleans, it's the country, you know what I'm saying? | ||
| New Orleans is a city, but I went to school in Thibodeau, Louisiana, and that's super, super country town, right? | ||
| Now, I always had dreams of coming to Hollywood, but I didn't know how I was going to get there. | ||
| So it was just me verbally speaking it. | ||
| So I didn't know what I was going to do. | ||
| And then I moved back to New Orleans. | ||
| I was in an eight-year relationship with this girl. | ||
| We broke up. | ||
| I didn't know how to be hurt. | ||
| That was my first time ever being hurt. | ||
| So I started following her everywhere. | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| And like stalking her. | ||
| And I remember I used to sit outside in this tree with snacks and weed. | ||
| You sat in a tree? | ||
| No. | ||
| I'm telling you, I was tripping. | ||
| I was young, and I didn't know what to do. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I was tripping. | ||
| Anyway, cut all that shit short. | ||
| I'm like, you know how you just got to look in the mirror sometimes and be like, yo, you tripping? | ||
| Chase your dreams. | ||
| Don't be chasing no females. | ||
| What are you doing? | ||
| So I just had this epiphany about myself, like, bro, get out of here. | ||
| And within a week, I was out. | ||
| I was out. | ||
| I told my job I quit. | ||
| I told my moms I was leaving. | ||
| I packed up all my shit in this two-door blue Honda thing, and I drove across the country just like that. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And that's how I got into comedy, because I had an interview at the comedy store, and when I got there, it was like 75 people in the original room. | ||
| And I looked around. | ||
| I ain't never seen no shit like that before. | ||
| Audition, you waiting in the office. | ||
| It's one, two people, maybe. | ||
| This was a line full of people waiting to be seen. | ||
| So I pulled back. | ||
| I was like, alright, okay. | ||
| If I get this job, that means it's meant for me to do comedy. | ||
| Because I ain't no way I'm going to get this job out of all these people. | ||
| So I get interviewed. | ||
| The dude, Mark, he loved the fact that I was from New Orleans. | ||
| He was gay. | ||
| And he loved the fact that I was gay. | ||
| So he was... | ||
| I got hired. | ||
| And I had a lot of charisma, Joe. | ||
| Come on now. | ||
| Come on now. | ||
| Had you ever bartended before? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| I bartended for I think two, I think two years before. | ||
| See, a lot of people be sleeping on a comedy, so that's a whole different ballgame. | ||
| The volume up in that place is crazy. | ||
| You're doing three shows a night sometimes where you got to switch out. | ||
| I mean, you got to work fast because you're serving, what, 400, 500, 600, 700? | ||
| You could be serving 800 to 900 people a night, and you got to get them all two, three, sometimes full drinks within two hours. | ||
| Yeah, you guys hustle back there. | ||
| I mean, we sweating. | ||
| We soaking wet. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know. | |
| I was always impressed. | ||
| I was always impressed watching you guys hustle back there. | ||
| Man, that's... | ||
| I mean, you're making money. | ||
| You're having a good time, and it's family-oriented. | ||
| It's family-owned, so you're having a good time, but you got to move. | ||
| Well, that area, that back bar area, that's the vibe. | ||
| Everybody comes back and checks in on everybody, hugs everybody, says hi. | ||
| What I love about it is we got to sip a little bit, too, while we was back. | ||
| We come in that bitch thought with a shot. | ||
| We always do shots together. | ||
| We like, alright everybody, come on now. | ||
| Y'all know how it's gonna be? | ||
| I think I probably did a thousand shots with you. | ||
| Before shows, we always did shots. | ||
| We had to. | ||
| Because it's like, but I love working at places like that, too, that's not like corporate, and they allow their staff to have a good time. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| You know, it's like, do whatever you want. | ||
| As long as you get the job done. | ||
| Get the job done, don't steal. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Point blank, period. | ||
| Yeah, that's it. | ||
| And we was like, cool, you ain't got to say nothing. | ||
| And the comedy store is a place of... | ||
| The customer ain't always right. | ||
| Like, don't come in here with that bullshit. | ||
| We kicking you out on site. | ||
| Don't start with the comedians on stage. | ||
| We don't really care what happened between you and the server. | ||
| The server gonna win. | ||
| Well, we know the servers. | ||
| We know they're not assholes. | ||
| There's no assholes there. | ||
| There was a few over the years, but they kind of weeded them out. | ||
| There's a few. | ||
| It's a place of like, you know, If you're not with us, you're against us, and you gotta go. | ||
| And we'll figure that out real fast. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Real fast. | ||
| I saw so many people try to flex and talk to the manager and think they're gonna get somebody fired, and it's hilarious. | ||
| The reaction is so different at the comedy store, they're like, yeah, you gotta go. | ||
| And they're like, what? | ||
| Yeah, you got to get out of that. | ||
| That person was rude to me. | ||
| No, they definitely weren't. | ||
| Look, handle it. | ||
| If that was, don't come up in here with that bullshit. | ||
| Handle it. | ||
| It was rude to you? | ||
| All right, go handle your business. | ||
| Also, we're pretty suspicious. | ||
| Yeah, and we all grown-ups in here. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Don't come with the tattletale and all that shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I probably should have got written up so many times at the comedy store. | ||
| I cursed so many people out at that bar. | ||
| No, you're supposed to. | ||
| You know, like people were coming there just doing the weirdest stuff and have the weirdest energy. | ||
| Well, they would come into the back bar, too, thinking they could order a drink. | ||
| Like, hey, you're in the employees area. | ||
| Like, why are you back here? | ||
| Like, drunks would wander through those doors and just make it into the back area. | ||
| But that was another thing about the store, too, because it's like, we expect for you to know what your lane is. | ||
| But then, you know, you give somebody an inch, they take a mile, and they think they run the joint, and then we got a problem. | ||
| But I do appreciate the people that come there and really want to be a part. | ||
| That just shows you that it's a good place and people really want to be a part of this family. | ||
| Well, it is a family and it is an amazing place. | ||
| That place has launched so many careers. | ||
| I mean, the history of that building is just insane. | ||
| Even before the Comedy Store, the history of the building, back when it was Ciro's Nightclub and Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis and Sammy Davis Jr., all these world-class talents would be on that stage. | ||
| Yeah, some good spirits in that building. | ||
| Yeah, for sure. | ||
| And a lot of murder, too. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So Jeff Scott got rest is wonderful. | ||
| So on Halloween, he would do like these little haunted comedy tour expedition things up in a building. | ||
| And he would show us all the places where the bullet holes were. | ||
| And he would tell us like all of these crazy stories about, you know, like the abortion room and all of this stuff. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't think so either. | ||
| I'm just like, that's bullshit. | ||
| But it's still like something super interesting and super fun. | ||
| And I'm just sitting up there. | ||
| I'm new. | ||
| I'm just like, what? | ||
| This is crazy. | ||
| The drug house. | ||
| It was 100% a mob-owned nightclub. | ||
| That's the fact. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| And you've got to think that some evil shit went down. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| In that building. | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| I mean, it was owned by Bugsy Siegel. | ||
| I don't think I knew that. | ||
| Yeah, Bugsy Siegel owned the comedy store before Mitzi did. | ||
| When did that switch over? | ||
| What year was that? | ||
| Wasn't that in the 40s? | ||
| That's a good question. | ||
| Like, what year was Ciro's nightclub, Jamie? | ||
| Because I think Mitzi took it over in the 70s. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay, okay. | |
| Mitzi and Sammy, they took it over in the 70s. | ||
| And then, because, yeah, right? | ||
| What year was it owned by Bugsy Siegel? | ||
| It closed in 57 and became a rock club for a little while. | ||
| So it opened in 1940. Cirrus became a popular night spot for celebrities. | ||
| And it closed in 57. It was reopened as a rock club in 65. And then what year did Desi Arnaz play there too? | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Cirrus once the most glamorous club in Hollywood. | ||
| I think the comedy store opened in the 70s. | ||
| 72? | ||
| Yeah, there it is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Because wasn't last year the 50th? | |
| Um, yes. | ||
| It must have been. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| We're in 2023. That is crazy. | ||
| It was called The Kaleidoscope in 68. And it was called It's Boss in 69. Oh, my God. | ||
| Patch 2. Patch 2. And then The Comedy Store in 72. And 72 to today. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The Kaleidoscope? | ||
| I never... | ||
| Did you know that? | ||
| No, I didn't know it was anything. | ||
| I remembered it was something other than Cero's for a little while, but I don't remember what it was. | ||
| But, you know, the big names were Cero's in the store. | ||
| That was the big names. | ||
| Now, that I never knew. | ||
| I thought it went straight from Cero's to... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow! | |
| Oh, my God! | ||
| I gotta hit up Jen. | ||
| Oh, my God! | ||
| I gotta talk to Jen. | ||
| I wonder if she knew this, because this is serious. | ||
| I gotta talk to Lee, too. | ||
| Like, this is crazy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Who's Dick Dale? | ||
| John F. Kennedy. | ||
| John F. Kennedy was there? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Wow. | ||
| He dined at Ciro's in 65. I believe this is like old surf rock. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Man, the history of this place is crazy. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| But it feels like it when you walk around. | ||
| Joan Crawford, Frank Sinatra, Ava Gardner, Sidney Poitier. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jerry Lewis. | |
| Lucille Ball. | ||
| Dean Martin. | ||
| Ronald Reagan was there? | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Mickey Rooney. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| All the people that frequented it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
George Burns, Jimmy Stewart, Jack Benny. | |
| Crazy. | ||
| I can't believe the president was in there. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It was popping like that? | ||
| It was popping like that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Goddamn! | |
| I think it was the spot. | ||
| And Hollywood was the spot. | ||
| And that was the spot in Hollywood. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, it's such a magic room. | ||
| I mean, everything about that place, it's so set up. | ||
| It's all the weird little corridors and weird little places in it. | ||
| I remember... | ||
| Pull that thing up too, please. | ||
| I remember when COVID hit, I was so afraid. | ||
| I was just scared that maybe it'll get... | ||
| Shut down because things wasn't looking right. | ||
| We came close. | ||
| I was just like, that was one thing I was saying, please don't let this place shut down. | ||
| Please don't let this place shut down. | ||
| Well, fortunately, they made a lot of money from 2014 to like 2019, like when it went down, you know, when 20, when it stopped, when everything stopped. | ||
| So they had some money put away. | ||
| But, you know, how long can you stay open and pay the rent and not have any income coming in? | ||
| Yeah, when COVID hit, I had to leave. | ||
| Because I didn't have any income coming in. | ||
| I was like, I ain't no way in hell. | ||
| I could stay up in Los Angeles. | ||
| So had you done any road work by then? | ||
| You've been doing stand-up since 2011. Right, right, right. | ||
| And you'd only been doing it in LA? Where had you been doing it? | ||
| I would get like small gigs like the Madhouse would show me some love. | ||
| That's San Diego? | ||
| San Diego. | ||
| Punchline San Francisco would show me some love. | ||
| That's a great room right there. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| I honestly did not know what I was doing. | ||
| I didn't fall into the comedy game because that's what I wanted to do. | ||
| And when I got the job at the store, I'm like, all right, Bet, you're supposed to do comedy. | ||
| I was the type of person, I'm like, you know what, I'm going to just ride it out. | ||
| I'll probably, you know, of course I had dreams, but the way it's set up, like how hard it is and how much rejection is out there. | ||
| I just was like, you know what, I'm probably just going to be a comedist, don't comic forever, fuck it, whatever, right? | ||
| So then I just, I get past in 2016. Surprised. | ||
| I was like, oh, okay, for sure. | ||
| But I had a killer set. | ||
| My set was super ridiculous. | ||
| And from that, I got a manager. | ||
| I did this show with my guy, Hamid Weinberg, with Sarah Silverman Company. | ||
| So I got managers through that. | ||
| It was called Please Understand. | ||
| And then my managers, Dave, Becky, and Ethan Stern, they're like, all right, kid, what you want? | ||
| I said, what? | ||
| They said, what you want? | ||
| They say... | ||
| I was like, I just thought... | ||
| They're like, nah, you... | ||
| We about to put your life together now. | ||
| I'm like, I bet. | ||
| I want to do this, this, this, this, and this. | ||
| They say, cool. | ||
| Now it's time to goal it out. | ||
| Let's roll. | ||
| And I was like, alright. | ||
| So that's when things became a little more serious. | ||
| And that's when I started really learning the game. | ||
| But I didn't really know about the road until three years ago. | ||
| But of course, that was after... | ||
| Um, SNL. And now I done went from doing 15 minutes at the Comedy Store to, oh no, now you gotta do an hour. | ||
| You on TV. I'm like, oh, okay. | ||
| Um, you got an hour? | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| No, I don't. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How much time did you have? | |
| I don't know, 20 minutes, 30 minutes of just shit that I had accumulated over the years. | ||
| But now it was time for me to start putting it all together. | ||
| And every single step of the way, while I was doing that, I was thinking about you because I remember we had a conversation at the store. | ||
| I would ask you for advice. | ||
| I know you gave a lot of people advice. | ||
| You probably don't remember you told me this, but you was just like, economy of words. | ||
| Like, pshh. | ||
| What that means, Joe? | ||
| Fuck all that. | ||
| Get rid of all that fat. | ||
| Get to the point. | ||
| Find out how to explain your stories. | ||
| Simply, quickly. | ||
| Get to the punchline. | ||
| I'm like, alright. | ||
| So, as I'm putting this set together, I got paragraphs and paragraphs of shit trying to describe my joke. | ||
| And I'm like, economy of words, bitch. | ||
| And that's when my comedy started getting better. | ||
| Because I'm like, alright. | ||
| I'm going to say a sentence. | ||
| I'm going to say a joke. | ||
| I'm going to say a sentence. | ||
| I'm going to say a joke. | ||
| And if I got to tell a story with it, I'm going to make sure I got references inside of it. | ||
| And act out so it could be full and they don't have air or space in it. | ||
| So I'm still working on that though, by the way, but I'm better. | ||
| Well, we all are. | ||
| You work on it forever. | ||
| Yeah, I agree. | ||
| Especially because you're going to always come up with new material. | ||
| So if you come up with new material, you're always working on it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's why I like doing the small rooms to work on it. | ||
| But my small rooms now are the clubs. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Like, there's no more. | ||
| I mean, don't get it twisted. | ||
| I'll go do some comedy in a coffee shop in a second. | ||
| I'm humble. | ||
| I'm not about to be. | ||
| I ain't got no coffee. | ||
| That's not me. | ||
| You know, but before all of this, my rooms to go bomb in was the coffee shop or a library or the back of a basement. | ||
| I mean, not the back, but in a basement or something like that. | ||
| But I'm leveling up now. | ||
| But I still don't know what it feels like to, like, Really truly perform in a big theater. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| I guess like things just kind of turned around for me so fast that I was never put in a situation to go open for anybody. | ||
| So now I just got to figure out how to do it now. | ||
| Now I'm working up to the theaters without having an experience of doing it for anybody else. | ||
| And you're doing it as a headliner. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Look, this is from the mud, man. | ||
| They got some days I'd be like, Punky, what are you doing? | ||
| I got to question myself every day. | ||
| Because I don't know, but I'm doing it. | ||
| Just keep doing it. | ||
| Keep doing it and one day you look back and you go, how the fuck did I get here? | ||
| Oh yeah, they got times I'll be like, punky, you know what, you still got time to just, you know they'll get your job back at the store. | ||
| You know, because it get hard. | ||
| But I'm like, my mother didn't raise me to be no sucker. | ||
| So it's like, you know, I just got to talk myself out of this. | ||
| I'm like, bitch, wake up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Come on. | |
| Stop all that stupid shit. | ||
| You was made for this. | ||
| You was born for this. | ||
| Let's go. | ||
| Yeah, that's called imposter syndrome. | ||
| Everybody has that. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| If you're good, you have that. | ||
| Because the people that don't have that are usually delusional. | ||
| They don't critique themselves. | ||
| You know, sometimes I wish I was delusional. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Sometimes. | ||
| Because these delusional people, they out here fucking up everything with a smile. | ||
| Like, yep, I did that. | ||
| Like, no, this is bad for you. | ||
| Delusional people are weird. | ||
| Like, you'll see them go on stage at the comic store and just eat shit and come off with a big smile on their face. | ||
| Like, you're not suicidal? | ||
| Man, I hate that. | ||
| It's weird, right? | ||
| Yeah, it is. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| And some of them, they're paid regulars. | ||
| Like, they keep going. | ||
| Like, what's happening here? | ||
| I have seen a lot of people get, like, way better. | ||
| Like, Matt Edgar been killing the stage. | ||
| Like, Matt Edgar, like, super goofy, dumb funny to me, man. | ||
| And I don't really remember everybody that be up in there, but I know Valissa Venezuelan. | ||
| I hope I said her last name right. | ||
| I always be having a problem with that. | ||
| You talking about Melissa? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| She's been murdering. | ||
| She's funny. | ||
| She's got great impressions. | ||
| Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| She's a super nice person, too. | ||
| Melissa look happy as hell. | ||
| Melissa been glowing. | ||
| I'm like, girl, I'm like, what's going on with you? | ||
| I'm happy. | ||
| I'm just happy, dude. | ||
| She got all kind of like, I think, like JCPenney endorsements and stuff. | ||
| Like, she really doing it. | ||
| I'm happy for her. | ||
| But I miss the store. | ||
| I do. | ||
| Well, you know, it's a chapter in your life. | ||
| It's always going to be a thing, you know? | ||
| You're always going to miss it. | ||
| Just the vibe of going into that, pushing through those swinging doors and all the hustle and bustle and everybody's laughing and talking shit and All the waitresses are laughing, the comedians are laughing, everyone's having fun, everyone's working. | ||
| I miss the store. | ||
| I miss Jeff. | ||
| I miss Jeff too. | ||
| It's not the same. | ||
| I'm like, I go in the original room. | ||
| I'm like, man, I don't even want to walk in this room no more. | ||
| But you know what? | ||
| Guess what? | ||
| Time don't wait for people. | ||
| Things happen. | ||
| You got to move on. | ||
| But it's still different without Jeff. | ||
| It's different. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Jeff Scott was the fucking man. | ||
| He was, you know, such a big part of the store. | ||
| You know, he would just always crack jokes with them. | ||
| He would come talk to you about sets and stuff that you were doing. | ||
| He was just, he was like, almost like a counselor. | ||
| He was a part of the family, but he had a very specific role as the guy who played the piano and brought all the comedians up. | ||
| In between the comedians, for people who don't know, Jeff Scott would play piano. | ||
| But it was more than that. | ||
| With some comedians, they would work with him, so he'd play some music while they were on stage, and he would give them sound cues and fuck around with them. | ||
| But he was just an easy guy to be around, too. | ||
| Jeff and I, we had this thing where I would sing my little songs and stuff at the end of the night, and he would play with them. | ||
| And he would be filming a lot of them. | ||
| And when he passed away, I called one of the managers at the store. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I was like, I'm going to need y'all to get all of them tapes. | |
| Get them fucking tapes. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| Because me and Jeff used to say some shit, okay? | ||
| Man, man. | ||
| Because, you know, the comedy story is like, look, come in here, be yourself, do your thing. | ||
| We don't give a fuck. | ||
| You know, we want your authentic self. | ||
| And I was very, very my authentic self. | ||
| So I'm like, get them fuckers. | ||
| They're like, we got you, bitch. | ||
| You know, SNL is my first corporate job. | ||
| I got rules to follow and shit. | ||
| Especially in this climate, you just got to watch what you do and watch what you say. | ||
| And that's a big shift coming from somewhere where you didn't have to watch what you did and you didn't have to watch what you said. | ||
| That's like the polar opposite of the comedy story. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| You just got to... | ||
| Be smart. | ||
| I have to be smarter in the way that I deliver or decide to say something sometimes. | ||
| Because I could say something, somebody could take that, blow that shit all out of context, and then boom, that's my job. | ||
| And you just never know. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But that's okay, too. | ||
| Even if that happens. | ||
| Even if it does. | ||
| I mean, you're going to always be alright, but then that's going to piss me off. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's just like, yo, why are everybody starting all this drama over... | ||
| Simply misunderstanding something that somebody said. | ||
| Well, it's purposely misunderstanding it. | ||
| Like people are doing it on purpose. | ||
| It's people that just, you know what it's like? | ||
| It's like the world is filled with glass houses and there's just buckets of rocks everywhere. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| People just want to smash a window. | ||
| It's like it's so easy to bring someone down now, especially someone that said they tweeted some shit in 2009 or said some shit. | ||
| It's like, it's a normal part of human culture. | ||
| Like, when you see someone, especially someone like yourself, that's on the rise and now all of a sudden you're doing great. | ||
| People that aren't doing great, they want to chop you down. | ||
| And you know what it's like. | ||
| Like, there's one thing about comedy that's fascinating is that when you start out, anybody can start out. | ||
| You know, anyone can get on that stage. | ||
| Open mics, it's for anyone. | ||
| Like, literally anyone, including mentally ill people. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And so you got a lot of mentally ill people that you're sharing space with and you're hanging out with them all the time and then you start to do well and they get angry at you. | ||
| Like people that have like severe narcissistic tendencies and severe jealousy. | ||
| And I've seen that with people. | ||
| It's interesting to watch it from the outside. | ||
| Watching like doormen and bartenders and people that just start out and then one of them starts doing well and then they start getting gigs. | ||
| And then they start opening for people, and they see the fucking hate in the other people, man. | ||
| It's fascinating to watch that. | ||
| And so those are the ones that want to take you down. | ||
| The ones that want to take you down are the ones that can't do it. | ||
| Yeah, that's very interesting. | ||
| Especially like working at the store, because the big comics will come in, and they'll just pick people. | ||
| And you would see it, because people that's been at the store for a while, they wouldn't get picked to go on the road or open up. | ||
| But, like, people come there and be new. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Want some of those? | |
| Oh, no, no, no, no, no. | ||
| No, let me tell you. | ||
| Let me tell y'all. | ||
| I'm losing my job for sure if I smoke that shit. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Look, I start... | ||
| Look, I gotta... | ||
| You know what I gotta do with marijuana? | ||
| I gotta smoke that shit at the house. | ||
| Nobody there. | ||
| It's just me. | ||
| I can't get on the phone. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| I have to be in my own thoughts. | ||
| Oh, interesting. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Sometimes I'll film myself while I'm high. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Doing what? | |
| Well, I'll go crazy. | ||
| Like, weed makes me crazy. | ||
| I'm paranoid. | ||
| I'm always worried about my parents. | ||
| I always start feeling also like I ain't shit with marijuana. | ||
| But a lot of people that smoke, they're like, look, just keep smoking, keep smoking. | ||
| That's just a wall you got to break through. | ||
| But I can't let myself feel that way. | ||
| Maybe it's the weed that I'm smoking. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| No, I know what you're talking about. | ||
| I feel that way, too. | ||
| It's humbling. | ||
| And that's what I like about it. | ||
| Yeah, it makes me feel like I'm not good enough. | ||
| But it makes me get up and work. | ||
| Yes, that's what I'm talking about. | ||
| That's the good part about it. | ||
| That's why I'm scared of things that make you overconfident. | ||
| Things that make you overconfident I think are terrible for you. | ||
| It depends on the person, clearly, because some people have a real problem with confidence and they don't have any. | ||
| And for them, marijuana could be debilitating. | ||
| But I think for some people that are doing well, it's a little reality check. | ||
| It's like you need to look at the big, giant picture. | ||
| And sometimes you don't. | ||
| You just get so... | ||
| Locked in with blinders on, looking at your own day-to-day existence and known things that you concentrate on that you think are important. | ||
| Marijuana sort of dissolves any artificial barriers and just makes you look at things for what they really are. | ||
| I do allow myself to feel that once a month, but I have to be alone. | ||
| Well, that's probably good. | ||
| You know how to handle it. | ||
| That's smart. | ||
| It's a good way to handle it. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| I get me some marijuana, because you go to the stores now, and they be like, oh, this is that Lillilac Polly Wap. | ||
| I'm just like, look, I don't give a shit. | ||
| Just give me the shit. | ||
| I'ma smoke it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Just your hybrid and your mixed with your hybrid. | ||
| So that's your indica mixed with your stativa. | ||
| I'm like, man, I don't give a shit. | ||
| Just give me some weed, bro. | ||
| I don't know nothing about weed like that. | ||
| So once a month, I'll smoke it. | ||
| I'll go through all my emotions. | ||
| I'll cry. | ||
| I'll reset. | ||
| I recharge. | ||
| And it honestly looks like I'm in a crazy house. | ||
| I had to film myself one time. | ||
| It kind of looks like I'm wrapped up because I'm always, I start rocking and I'm doing all of this and I'm crying and I'm talking to myself. | ||
| I'm like, you ain't shitting. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm like, bitch, please, please, you got it. | |
| Because my emotions are all over the place when I'm smoking. | ||
| So I'd rather just not do that in public. | ||
| That's a good call. | ||
| I feel like those things you're describing, though, as an artist, it's a normal thing. | ||
| It seems so crazy that, you know, you would battle with you ain't shit and you got this, and then it's like both sides of your brain are sort of duking it out. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But I think as an artist, that's something that does, you have to have, as a performer in particular, you have to have a certain amount of confidence. | ||
| You have to be able to go up there and know that you got it. | ||
| But also, you have to have a certain amount of humility, and you have to have a certain amount of perspective. | ||
| And sometimes it's hard, and the better you get, the better you do in life, the more success you get, I think it's harder to have that perspective. | ||
| Because, you know, it's easier to just believe your own bullshit. | ||
| It's easier to, like, pretend you're different than everybody else. | ||
| It's easier to do that, like, that you're special. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But marijuana, like, lets you know, like, right away, bitch, you ain't special. | ||
| No. | ||
| No. | ||
| It's these voices. | ||
| You're full of fear and you're gonna die. | ||
| Oh my... | ||
| Yes! | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you're vulnerable as fuck. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And so is everyone you love. | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| You know, we're all in this together. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And it just, it makes me, like, a more considerate person. | ||
| It makes me a kinder person. | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know? | |
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| You always been considering the kind. | ||
| I ain't gonna lie. | ||
| You come to the store. | ||
| I remember they had some drama at the store one time and you was like, you was like, absolutely not. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| I don't want to say what it was, but you had our back. | ||
| Like the servers, you protected us and you was like, fuck no, not on my watch. | ||
| And we was like, yes, Joe. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He loves us. | |
| Well, sometimes people, they abuse people that like work in the service industry. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know? | ||
| It happens. | ||
| A lot, unfortunately. | ||
| You know, I try to pay it forward. | ||
| You know, you can always, like when I go to restaurants and stuff, you can always tell that I served and I bartended for a while because I stack everything up. | ||
| Nice. | ||
| They're like, will you chill? | ||
| I'm like, it's habit. | ||
| I just clean the fucking table for the people. | ||
| They just come pick the shit up. | ||
| And then I try my hardest to tip at least 50%. | ||
| And I also get that from you. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I'm like, you know, Joe, come in. | ||
| He showed mad love. | ||
| He was the reason why we made money a lot of nights. | ||
| And so I just try to pay that back. | ||
| It feels good. | ||
| I tell people it's like you're leaving love bombs. | ||
| Leaving a love bomb. | ||
| Even if you're not even there to watch it go off. | ||
| I like to get out of the room before they even see the tip. | ||
| Just enjoy that. | ||
| I mean, I can't do it all the time. | ||
| But sometimes I'm with my girl and I'm like, I mean, especially if the people were incredible. | ||
| I look at my girl, I'm like, we blessing these people tonight? | ||
| She'd be like, bless them, baby. | ||
| It's even better. | ||
| Even better if you say it that way. | ||
| Like you said, I don't need to stay and see their reactions. | ||
| I think that's missing in cultures where they don't tip. | ||
| I think the problem with tipping is that you could still pay someone like two bucks an hour, which is kind of crazy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Which is crazy. | ||
| Two bucks an hour is so crazy. | ||
| Especially if you don't have a job in New York, because I think you can do that in New York. | ||
| I think there's a lot of places you could do that. | ||
| What I mean is, if you do it in New York, I don't think it matters because people in New York, they just have this sense. | ||
| They just know the tip. | ||
| Right, right, right. | ||
| They just know the show love. | ||
| It's an East Coast thing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But, you know, a lot of people in the East Coast are tippers. | ||
| I like that about these. | ||
| I love the East Coast. | ||
| I don't think I'm going back to the West Coast. | ||
| I think the problem with the West Coast is too many people are trying to be famous. | ||
| And when you get too many people trying to be famous, you have like a high percentage of narcissists and a high percentage of sociopaths. | ||
| I mean, I don't know. | ||
| I don't mean it's like all of them, but it's like, what's the average, the percentage of sociopaths? | ||
| I think they say it's like 10% or something like that or 4%. | ||
| That's it? | ||
| I feel like it's way more. | ||
| I don't know how they really know. | ||
| They do it based on a sample size. | ||
| I don't know if they really know the actual numbers. | ||
| But that's the estimate, right? | ||
| And if you go to a place like Hollywood, you've got to imagine that most of the people that go there, the people that move there, they move there to either be a part of the business, like to be a producer or a director or something, or they want to be in front of the camera. | ||
| Or they want to be famous, they don't even know how. | ||
| And they'll try to figure out a thing. | ||
| Like, you've seen people go, they go from acting, and then they're acting for a while, and then they say, you know what, I'm gonna do stand-up. | ||
| We've seen a lot of those, right? | ||
| And then they just, they don't really love stand-up. | ||
| What they really love is getting attention. | ||
| They got broken when they were younger. | ||
| They have a hole inside of them that they need to constantly fill up with other people's attention. | ||
| And they'll pretend to be someone to get attention. | ||
| Which is the fucked up thing about auditioning. | ||
| Because you take a person who's like super insecure, wants to come to Hollywood for validation, and then you have this process where you have to beg people to like you. | ||
| You have to go in there and put on your best show and hope these people like you, which completely changes the way people behave. | ||
| Because those people that are so desperate for success or really want to make it, they start behaving and thinking in a way that they think is going to get them successful in their business. | ||
| And they can't express unique or individual opinions on things. | ||
| They can't have controversial views. | ||
| You're not allowed to. | ||
| You won't get a gig. | ||
| And so you have all these people that just, they become like this sort of Hollywood ideology espousers. | ||
| They just become these people that talk the same way. | ||
| Like you see them, they say, like when they see you, they don't say, nice to meet you, punky. | ||
| They say, good to see you. | ||
| Good to see you because maybe they've seen you already. | ||
| Maybe they forgot. | ||
| So instead of just saying, nice to meet you, oh, we met. | ||
| Oh, I'm sorry, when did we meet? | ||
| Instead of having a real moment, it's good to see you. | ||
| Everything's good to see you. | ||
| It's fucking weird. | ||
| They're like little robots. | ||
| Who the fuck says good to see you? | ||
| If you brought a friend over and the friend says, hi, this is my friend Punky. | ||
| Hi, Punky, good to see you. | ||
| Good to see you. | ||
| What kind of weird people are you bringing over here? | ||
| What the fuck is going on? | ||
| Good to see me. | ||
| Yeah, it's good to see. | ||
| It's good to hear you too. | ||
| It's so crazy. | ||
| I never thought about that. | ||
| Yeah, so that flavors the vibe of the city because it's the number one industry or at least the most famous industry in Los Angeles is the television and film industry and then of course the music business which is kind of similar I mean when the record days in the record days in the radio days when it was really important You had to impress these people that were the record executives, | ||
| and you had to impress these people who were the radio executives, because they would play your music, and they would pick you. | ||
| And there were so many people they could pick, and they would pick you, and they had these predatory relationships where they'd take an enormous amount of the money that you made. | ||
| And that was the only way you're going to make it. | ||
| How else are you going to make it? | ||
| You've got to go through the system. | ||
| And a lot of people who made it through, like Prince, He had to change his fucking name because he couldn't perform into the name Prince. | ||
| He had to use that crazy logo. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| It's crazy that he pulled it off, though. | ||
| He's like, I got an idea, bitch. | ||
| I'm so famous. | ||
| Everybody knows who the fuck this is. | ||
| Also, it's like, I'm me. | ||
| And he did it before social media. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know? | |
| Like, Kanye could change his name every week and people would keep up. | ||
| Kanye could do whatever he want. | ||
| He could change his name every week. | ||
| Kanye done did some shit. | ||
| Kanye's still poppin'. | ||
| They got some people that's just... | ||
| They took a big chunk out of his income. | ||
| Like, what has happened? | ||
| Kanye done said some shit and done some shit. | ||
| I mean, some shit that done pissed me off. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But he's not gonna go away. | ||
| He's too talented. | ||
| You know, he's... | ||
| I don't think he's a bad person. | ||
| I think Kanye, the mistakes that he's made, I think he'll be pretty honest about it. | ||
| He's mentally ill. | ||
| And that mental illness allows him to have insane productivity with music. | ||
| You can call it illness, or you could instead say he's got this gift. | ||
| And this gift sometimes fucking shoots off live rounds in all sorts of different directions. | ||
| But what it can do is produce some of the best fucking music ever. | ||
| Fucking amazing jams where you listen to them and you forget sometimes. | ||
| Someone will play one. | ||
| You go, oh shit, I forgot about this one. | ||
| Kanye had some bangers. | ||
| Like that mind that creates those bangers also says crazy shit about Hitler. | ||
| Hey, what are you doing? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Why would you say that? | |
| And I think also, when he gets embattled, the problem is he wants to fight back. | ||
| I think part of the reason why he became a big Trump fan is because Obama called him a jackass. | ||
| I really believe that. | ||
| I didn't know that. | ||
| Yes, I really believe that. | ||
| Because you've got to imagine having the President of the United States refer to you as a jackass. | ||
| The first black president of the United States? | ||
| In my life, other than Kennedy, who's a better spokesman? | ||
| Who's a better statesman than Obama? | ||
| Who's like the most impressive of all presidents? | ||
| Well, you'd look to a guy and say, the way that guy thinks and talks, that's a leader. | ||
| That's a real president of the United States. | ||
| So I think that shit stuck in his head. | ||
| I hear petty. | ||
| Fuck yeah, he's petty. | ||
| I mean, you can tell he's petty. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You see the shit that he writes about Pete Davidson? | |
| He's ruthless. | ||
| He's petty. | ||
| But that's also the same mind. | ||
| That's the same mind that makes him be insanely prolific. | ||
| That's the same mind that has this genius association to sound and music. | ||
| It's the same mind. | ||
| I'm just glad he done simmered down. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, he doesn't have a place to... | ||
| Well, I don't want to speak too soon. | ||
| He doesn't have a place to blow it off anymore, which I also think is not good. | ||
| I think it's probably better to just let him say ridiculous shit on Twitter and let people refute it. | ||
| I don't think it's a good move to eliminate a guy like that from being able to communicate. | ||
| I don't think that's the problem. | ||
| And I don't think he should be medicated either, which is even crazier, because when he was medicated, remember he was all slow and he got chubby. | ||
| You remember? | ||
| I didn't know that he was on medication at that time. | ||
| They put him on some heavy shit. | ||
| Well, you know what? | ||
| I can assume that people like him have to be medicated. | ||
| I just feel like billionaires sometimes. | ||
| They have nothing else to do. | ||
| But get medicated? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because it's like you've done everything. | ||
| You've seen everything. | ||
| You've won all the awards. | ||
| You've married what the world considers the baddest bitch. | ||
| You have... | ||
| It's like, what else is there for you to fucking do? | ||
| Yeah, but that doesn't mean you have to get medicated. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| But that's what I'm saying. | ||
| He probably got medicated because he had nothing else to do. | ||
| So he started doing shit that he probably wasn't supposed to do. | ||
| They're like, all right, let's come. | ||
| Here, pop this. | ||
| Well, I think, you know, people around him were concerned because he gets manic. | ||
| But that manic, crazy energy is also what comes out in his music. | ||
| I mean, talking to him is wild because when you're having a conversation with him, like when I did a podcast with him, it's like you can see in some people. | ||
| Where their mind is like a runaway train It's like a runaway train and ideas are coming in way faster than they're coming into my mind They're coming in and going and he'll go from one idea the next idea and people say yeah, he's rambling, but I'm like But is he? | ||
| Or is he just sort of like he's being infused with way more ideas than we are? | ||
| Like Elon's the same way. | ||
| When you're talking to Elon, when I was talking to him, I was like, what is going on behind those eyes? | ||
| How many different thought processes do you have running simultaneously? | ||
| That guy never wants to stop. | ||
| He's always got new ideas and thinking. | ||
| He's always innovating and creating. | ||
| It's a different kind of way of thinking. | ||
| And I don't think you get it, and I don't think I get it. | ||
| I damn sure don't get it. | ||
| I don't get it. | ||
| I just rather Kanye keep all his shit in his music. | ||
| He gotta stop saying some wild ass shit. | ||
| But he says, sometimes he says wild shit that's really interesting. | ||
| Like on my podcast he goes, how much is the earth? | ||
| Like if I wanted to buy the earth, how much does the earth cost? | ||
| If all land costs money. | ||
| That's good money shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's like, if land costs money, could someone have enough money that could buy the whole earth? | ||
| I was like, oh shit. | ||
| Like that sounds ridiculous, but if someone like Jeff Bezos has like 200 billion dollars, like that's so much fucking money. | ||
| Like what's to stop someone from having 200 trillion and how much is the earth? | ||
| How much is the whole earth? | ||
| What is it? | ||
| What if the whole earth is only $100 trillion? | ||
| You can own it all. | ||
| Everybody has to pay your rent. | ||
| Also, if the earth for sale, who's selling it, motherfucker? | ||
| Who's buying it? | ||
| Someone would have to make every single person an impossible offer. | ||
| They'd have to make every single person an offer that you could not refuse. | ||
| That's so much money that every single person on the planet has to say yes. | ||
| I would think that that'll be a good investment, owning the earth. | ||
| Yeah, I think the only way someone's going to own the earth is stealing it. | ||
| They're just going to force eminent domain, force people out of air. | ||
| That's how people own the earth. | ||
| I don't think they're ever going to own the earth by buying it. | ||
| But Kanye having that idea, like, how much does the earth cost? | ||
| I'm like, how the fuck? | ||
| I've never thought of that. | ||
| I hope he keep his wild ass ideas and thoughts there. | ||
| It's not talking about human beings. | ||
| Sometimes dudes like that need somebody to bounce shit off of too. | ||
| They need a more reasonable crazy person that's with them that can go, slow down, brother. | ||
| I hear you, but slow down. | ||
| With Elon Musk, I know people have their thoughts about him, but I had a very great personal conversation with him. | ||
| And I think people forget that these people that have all this money and these people that are so smart, these people that are on TV, they're human beings and they have real lives. | ||
| And me and Elon talked about his family and his children. | ||
| And that's when I was like, okay, this is a real person. | ||
| This guy has a heart. | ||
| I think he's actually a good guy. | ||
| If you sit down and you have an actual conversation with him, just like off the record. | ||
| I love him. | ||
| I love talking to him. | ||
| He's a wonderful person. | ||
| He's just super genius. | ||
| Just a ridiculously smart person. | ||
| But he's a human being like we all are. | ||
| We're all human beings. | ||
| And you can forget that when you see some dude who's making rockets and making electric cars and satellites and fucking trying to fix traffic. | ||
| You forget that's just a human being. | ||
| I also thought he was going to leave everybody at SNL or Tesla. | ||
| Because the host, they leave us gifts, slippers, shoes, hoodies. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, that's hilarious. | |
| Sometimes we'll come to work after that Saturday. | ||
| We have a whole bunch of catered food. | ||
| Oh, this food from Jack, hello. | ||
| This food from such and such. | ||
| So I was like, you know what? | ||
| What if Elon leaves his hotel? | ||
| That was wrong. | ||
| That's so many Teslas. | ||
| How many Teslas would that be? | ||
| For how many people? | ||
| I think it would have been at the time when he came, I think it would have been 22 Teslas. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jesus Christ! | |
| They probably have a back order on those things anyway. | ||
| Cars are, I don't know if they've sorted that out yet with new cars, but with new cars there was a backlog on new cars because of chips. | ||
| There's like a problem getting the chips, the computer chips, which are in every fucking car now. | ||
| Ah, is the computer chips the, like the, um, so you can know where the car is? | ||
| No, so the computer works with the emission system and everything is computerized now. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| And then also there's an operating system that runs like Apple CarPlay, Android CarPlay. | ||
| I don't know shit about cars. | ||
| Yeah, well, I'm a car nut. | ||
| Oh, cool. | ||
| But the new ones are confusing to me. | ||
| I get that all that stuff is important, but it's confusing that we don't even make a lot of that shit over here. | ||
| A lot of the chips, they're making them overseas. | ||
| Oh! | ||
| Yeah, so I think Elon's working on making chips here, and Samsung is working on making chips here, but I think a lot of that was exposed during the pandemic, that a lot of chips are being made overseas, and they need them for cars. | ||
| So there's a big delay for a lot of different manufacturers. | ||
| So probably a lot of them are looking at, trying to figure out a way, but... | ||
| I had Sagar and Crystal from Breaking Points on the other day, and Sagar was explaining it in depth, and he was saying that that shit takes like 10 years. | ||
| Like when you want to start a factory and start building computer chips in America, that's like 10 years from now you can. | ||
| Goddamn! | ||
| That shit takes forever. | ||
| Yeah, that's why I say technology confuses me, politics confuses me. | ||
| Those are two things I like to just... | ||
|
unidentified
|
They're good. | |
| Like when I go buy a car... | ||
| It's so simple and fast with me. | ||
| I go in the lot. | ||
| I be like, I want that one. | ||
| They say, okay. | ||
| I be in and I be out. | ||
| They give me a price. | ||
| If I like it, I like it. | ||
| If I don't, I don't. | ||
| I be like, nah. | ||
| Well, we can't go down no more. | ||
| I bet. | ||
| I'm gonna go down the road then. | ||
| Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. | ||
| Well, what's up? | ||
| I say, this is what I want. | ||
| This is how much I want to pay for it. | ||
| And I don't want to get in that room and then you offer me all kind of other shit. | ||
| I want the tires included. | ||
| I want the oil included. | ||
| I want the fucking windshield included. | ||
| And when I get in that office, I want it to still be that price. | ||
| Do you remember that? | ||
| Did you see the movie Fargo? | ||
| You ever seen that movie? | ||
| Is that Ben Affleck? | ||
| No, Fargo is Steve Buscemi and it's a Coen Brothers movie. | ||
| Frances McDormand. | ||
| I don't know why I'm seeing Ben Affleck in a suit. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| But there's a hilarious scene where, what is the gentleman's name, the redheaded guy? | ||
| William H. Macy. | ||
| William H. Macy, who's hilarious. | ||
| In this movie, he's trying to sell the undercarriage treatment. | ||
| Like, he's trying to sell it to these people, like, as an upgrade to the car, and they're like, we don't want that. | ||
| And then he's like, well, I already added it on. | ||
| And then there's like this big, like, why the fuck did you add it on? | ||
| I didn't export it. | ||
| I'm not paying for that. | ||
| It's really funny, man. | ||
| Oh, I gotta see it then. | ||
| Because there's so many of those salesmen that do that. | ||
| They're like, dude, please stop. | ||
| Stop with this upselling. | ||
| I like warranties. | ||
| I'll take warranty. | ||
| Because I like the least cause. | ||
| Because every three years, I want another one. | ||
| I'll lease it. | ||
| I ain't got to own it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck it. | |
| That's smart. | ||
| I don't give a shit. | ||
| I want a new one. | ||
| What are you driving? | ||
| I'm in a Jeep Wrangler right now. | ||
| Oh, those are great. | ||
| Oh, I love that motherfucker. | ||
| Look how many Jeeps there are on the road. | ||
| I mean, think about how long Jeep's been around for. | ||
| They nailed that shape so good, they don't even change it. | ||
| Man, the tires are this big. | ||
| I'm riding up high. | ||
| I'm going over the neutral ground. | ||
| That's a real four-wheel drive vehicle you can drive anywhere. | ||
| Like, you could go somewhere in a Jeep. | ||
| You could go off-road. | ||
| You're in the woods. | ||
| On-road. | ||
| Sand. | ||
| They nailed that shape. | ||
| I mean, when they first started making Jeeps, like, what year was that? | ||
| It looks the same as the 80s. | ||
| Yeah! | ||
| It looks fucking great though. | ||
| It's a great shape. | ||
| Oh yeah, I love it. | ||
| I got a wheelie. | ||
| They're so reliable too. | ||
| I mean, because it's a durable off-road vehicle, there's a lot of shit you don't have to worry about if you get a Jeep. | ||
| You have to worry about with cars. | ||
| You can run over something. | ||
| You can run over stupid shit that's in the road or bounce over a little divot in the ground. | ||
| It's not as big a deal. | ||
| That's why I'm like, I want all the warranties included in the note. | ||
| If I lived in the East Coast, for sure I'd have a Jeep. | ||
| Oh, 100%. | ||
| Because it's the snow and the potholes. | ||
| The potholes are a big one. | ||
| You need some sort of a rugged four-wheel drive vehicle if you want to get through a winter there. | ||
| I don't slow down on the potholes either. | ||
| That Jeep be manhandling the potholes. | ||
| It absorbs them. | ||
| You know what I like too? | ||
| That new Bronco. | ||
| Ford figured out a new Bronco. | ||
| You know, I'm a Bronco fan, but I'm not a fan of the body of the new ones. | ||
| How dare you? | ||
| Let me pull it. | ||
| Can you pull it up? | ||
| Let me look at it. | ||
| Do you remember my 72 Bronco? | ||
| No, that's the type. | ||
| That's the Bronco. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That one I used to bring to the store all the time. | ||
| Too many choices for this new one. | ||
| Too many choices. | ||
| That's an old one, brother. | ||
| The one you have your cursor over. | ||
| I just typed in Ford Bronco. | ||
| Oh, I know. | ||
| I said. | ||
| I drove one and it sucked, but it wasn't the good one. | ||
| I know there's better versions of it. | ||
| It sucked, really? | ||
| It was a baseline rental car version. | ||
| Oh, not good? | ||
| No. | ||
| Well, go back to that link that you were just looking at and click on that one that says the Raptor. | ||
| There's a Bronco Raptor right below that. | ||
| The black one, sorry, all black. | ||
| To the left of that. | ||
| You were almost there. | ||
| To the left of that. | ||
| Yeah, that one. | ||
| That's a Bronco Raptor. | ||
| Okay, alright. | ||
| So that's a regular Bronco with like a beefier setup and a heavy-duty engine. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| I think that has like, what does that have for horsepower? | ||
| Something crazy. | ||
| But Jeep has one like that, too. | ||
| Jeep has like a... | ||
| Now see, I like that. | ||
| I ain't gonna lie. | ||
| I do like that one. | ||
| What does it have for horsepower? | ||
| Does it say? | ||
| I'm sure it will. | ||
| I don't want to over-exaggerate, but I think it's in the neighborhood of 500 horsepower. | ||
| Zero to 60 in 5.2 seconds. | ||
| Damn! | ||
| Oh, interesting. | ||
| That's a lot. | ||
| That's plenty. | ||
| Oh, it only has 418? | ||
| So what is it about 500 to 600? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It doesn't put up with SUVs that have horsepower in the 500. Oh, it doesn't put it up with SUVs. | |
| Oh, okay. | ||
| Well, there's a bunch of people that do shit to those things, too. | ||
| But that's real similar to the V8, the big V8 that's in the Wrangler, too. | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| But the point is, like, those cars, that's a similar sort of thing. | ||
| The only thing is, like, the Jeep, you can't recklessly drive the Jeep. | ||
| It'll flip on your ass. | ||
| You can't just be sitting up there spinning the curb and busting the whip. | ||
| Nah. | ||
| It's not good for handling. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| Yeah, drive normal, you freak. | ||
| Yeah, drive normal in your Jeep, because it reminds me of the Xterra, just like... | ||
| Yeah, they're top-heavy. | ||
| Imagine a sprinter van trying to do laps in a sprinter van, those ridiculous things. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well, you'll kill yourself. | |
| Yeah, those aren't good. | ||
| Well, you can't. | ||
| Who has a podcast set up in a sprinter van? | ||
| Doesn't someone have one? | ||
| Steve-O. Steve-O, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Steve-O has a sprinter van that's set up as a podcast studio. | ||
| Oh, that's dope. | ||
| He travels around with it and just films his podcast in the back of it. | ||
| Okay, I might have to check that out. | ||
| Yeah, it's a great idea. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I had a friend, Ron Taylor. | ||
| Well, he's still my friend. | ||
| I didn't had. | ||
| He's my friend. | ||
| He used to do, like, cooking tutorials in his van. | ||
| He would have, like, a little, what do you call it? | ||
| A little kitchenette? | ||
| Yeah, like a little hot pot or whatever you call that shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, like a little hot plate situation that you use for a dorm room and here I invite guests and we'll cook and we'll talk. | ||
| And you cook in the back of the van together and you talk about what you're cooking. | ||
| Then we both go sit in the driver's seat and passenger seat and we finish the podcast. | ||
| Nice. | ||
| I'm like, Ron, this needs to be a television show. | ||
| That's a good idea. | ||
| I'm still trying to figure out why it ain't on TV right now. | ||
| I'm like, Ron, what are you doing? | ||
| Well, there's something cool about getting by with a limited resource. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| A little hot pot. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Everyone working together. | ||
| But he cooking gourmet meals. | ||
| Really? | ||
| This motherfucker up in there making lobster. | ||
| Really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Pasta. | |
| I remember he made a big thing of meat sauce, spaghetti, broccoli. | ||
| He not making noodles and cheese. | ||
| This motherfucker cooking. | ||
| I'm like, let's go. | ||
| Well, and then Burt has that show Something's Burning, which is a hilarious show. | ||
| I think I saw an episode of Burt. | ||
| You gotta be on that. | ||
| Yeah, I'm gonna have to hit Burt up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How about you and me together? | |
| Because I'm supposed to do it. | ||
| Alright, let's do it. | ||
| Hit Burt up. | ||
| You and me together on Something's Burning. | ||
| So I'm guessing Burt be fucking everything up, huh? | ||
| No, he's good. | ||
| He loves food. | ||
| He knows how to cook a little bit. | ||
| Yeah, I just saw Burt, man. | ||
| That man, he is out there killing it. | ||
| Yeah, I love Burt. | ||
| Shirt off. | ||
| I love that he's blowing up and he's 100% himself. | ||
| That's who authentically Burt Kreischer is. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| He gets his wife on the line for the shows. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And that's good. | ||
| I think his wife gonna be on the phone. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| He's selling out arenas. | ||
| He's killing it. | ||
| Killing his beer. | ||
| I think my homeboy... | ||
| Steven Fury was opening up for him for a while, probably still doing it. | ||
| I called Burt up once. | ||
| He answered the phone. | ||
| He was on a motorcycle in Vietnam. | ||
| I go, what are you doing? | ||
| And he goes, I'm over here riding a motorcycle in Vietnam, filming my channel show. | ||
| And I go, dude, you need to quit that fucking show. | ||
| You need to quit that show and be a comic. | ||
| He goes, really? | ||
| I go, yeah. | ||
| I go, you're too funny. | ||
| You're too funny, man, to be on a travel channel show. | ||
| I mean, it's a great gig, but I think you got everything out of it that you're ever going to get out of it. | ||
| And I think it's holding you back now. | ||
| You take months and months off of stand-up where you have to tour to travel and do this show. | ||
| It's a good show and it's a good gig, but you can do a lot better. | ||
| Like, you can do way better with stand-up and podcasts. | ||
| And he listened. | ||
| So this was back in the day. | ||
| Yeah, it was back in the day when he was on Bert the Conqueror and there was another show where Hurt Bert was terrible. | ||
| They were hurting him in every episode. | ||
| Every episode people would choke him unconscious, hit him with a bat. | ||
| It was so ridiculous. | ||
| It was different stunts and things that he would do. | ||
| He did that for a little while. | ||
| That's a dangerous path. | ||
| The jackass path. | ||
| Those guys are all beat up. | ||
| Physically, you get fucking hurt bad doing that. | ||
| You get hurt bad. | ||
| Animal show's dangerous. | ||
| Fuck that! | ||
| I had Steve-O on and he showed a video once of him on a tree and lions climbed up the tree and were fucking with him. | ||
| And they took his hat. | ||
| They knocked his hat off. | ||
| And I was like, oh my god, those are real lions, dude. | ||
| This is in Africa. | ||
| Real lions. | ||
| Not tame lions at some fucking circus. | ||
| I ain't never going up. | ||
| Never. | ||
| Ever. | ||
| Ever. | ||
| I don't really like the zoo like talking about it. | ||
| I don't like the zoo. | ||
| I don't like the zoo. | ||
| The animals are wild. | ||
| They need to be free. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| And everybody can all surprise when things happen. | ||
| They're fucking animals. | ||
| It's very confusing, right? | ||
| Because you're like, well, where do we put them? | ||
| And that's a good point. | ||
| And how do you make sure that they keep off the endangered species list? | ||
| That's a good point, too. | ||
| But that is hell. | ||
| Especially for the primates. | ||
| I was in Denver once. | ||
| I'll never forget this. | ||
| I was walking with my family. | ||
| Because when my kids were real little, I loved to take them to the zoo. | ||
| Because they're so fascinated. | ||
| I mean, it's horrible that you're supporting this thing. | ||
| But selfishly, I was like, look, it exists. | ||
| It exists already. | ||
| There's nothing I can do about it. | ||
| And I'm not going to stop them from... | ||
| If I stand up and say, I'm not going to pay, it's still going to be there. | ||
| And I want my kids to see these animals. | ||
| It's a weird experience. | ||
| And this primate, I don't know what kind of monkey it was, but it was in its cage, and it was screaming like a crazy person in prison, like, NOOOOO! That's what it felt like. | ||
| And I told my wife, I was like, I go, this is depressing. | ||
| I'm like, I gotta get away from this. | ||
| I'm like, this is really bumming me out. | ||
| We gotta free these animals. | ||
| I honestly want, like, the way I envision my life, right? | ||
| Like, I want, if it was up to me, I would have a ranch in a town, a country town, where the next grocery store is 20-30 minutes out. | ||
| Like, I just want to live away. | ||
| This is your spot then, Punky. | ||
| Right. | ||
| That's what I'm saying. | ||
| You need to come to Texas. | ||
| I just want to live away, Joe. | ||
| That's how people live out here. | ||
| I want a ranch-style home. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Let's go. | |
| Let's go, Punky. | ||
| I want about an acre of land, not too much. | ||
| I'm going to teach you how to bow hunt. | ||
| Oh, I need to go hunting with you. | ||
| Let's go. | ||
| I wrote a sketch about hunting with Joe Rogan, okay? | ||
| Something happened that I had to shelf it that week, but it was a Thanksgiving sketch about hunting with Joe Rogan. | ||
| And it was you just like killing all of these exotic animals. | ||
| And we would just see these people in the woods who were kind of just like touring, not killing. | ||
| Oh, Jesus Christ. | ||
| You was just a wild man. | ||
| It was crazy. | ||
| I wanted to get you down to like, but whatever, whatever. | ||
| I'll bring that sketch back. | ||
| And we had to shelf it that week. | ||
| Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. | ||
| Sketches are fun, but it'd be more fun to actually take you hunting for real. | ||
| I gotta do it. | ||
| Have you ever shot a gun before? | ||
| Oh, my parents are NOP. Well, they retired. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| Yes, yes. | ||
| My mother worked for the Levy District Police, and my father was actual NOPD. For a long time, he retired, and now he runs the security for the hospital because my mama made him go back to work. | ||
| But, yeah, I was raised around... | ||
| I remember I bought my first gun. | ||
| And I was so excited. | ||
| I called my dad. | ||
| I was like, I bought my first gun. | ||
| He was like, yeah, what you got? | ||
| Was that in LA? No, no, no. | ||
| This was in New Orleans. | ||
| I was like, I bought my first gun. | ||
| He was like, for real? | ||
| He was like, what you got? | ||
| I said, I got a nine. | ||
| He was like... | ||
| Fucking bitch-ass gun. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| That's hardcore. | ||
| He was like a nine. | ||
| What did he want you to get? | ||
| A 45? | ||
| 40, 45. Jesus. | ||
| Something just... | ||
| I was thinking lighter. | ||
| He was like, nah. | ||
| He was like, the heavier it is, the better it is. | ||
| He's like, 45... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| But you know, it's like, he always made sure we were responsible. | ||
| Like, don't be out here stupid with this gun. | ||
| Keep it locked up. | ||
| Keep it safe. | ||
| Go to the range. | ||
| Understand your weapon. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Don't be out here wilding out. | ||
| Don't use it to stunt. | ||
| Don't use it, you know, for no validation in the hood. | ||
| We don't have guns for all of that in my family. | ||
| It's for the house. | ||
| I saw the most fucked up video. | ||
| What? | ||
| There's so many fucked up videos of people getting shot on Instagram now. | ||
| But I saw this one where these people were playing in a car and this girl pulls out her gun and accidentally shoots her friend in the head. | ||
| I hate that. | ||
| And he just like slumps over and dies like right on the street. | ||
| She was just... | ||
| Pulling out a gun to show it. | ||
| And they were all casual and laughing. | ||
| And bang! | ||
| The gun goes off. | ||
| It's careless. | ||
| She don't know what she's doing. | ||
| It's just careless. | ||
| And you're going to jail. | ||
| Even though it was an accident, you're going to jail. | ||
| And he's dead. | ||
| And a man's dead. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It wasn't intentional, but you killed somebody. | ||
| It was horrible. | ||
| My thing is, if you're gonna have a weapon, be responsible with it. | ||
| Learn how to use it. | ||
| Learn how to take it apart. | ||
| Clean it. | ||
| Put your bullets in there. | ||
| Just learn about your weapon. | ||
| I was just thinking how ridiculous it was that Clint Eastwood had a movie where the star of the movie was that he had the biggest gun. | ||
| He had a.44 Magnum. | ||
| Remember? | ||
| Did you ever watch Dirty Harry? | ||
| No. | ||
| That was the whole premise of the movie. | ||
| Everybody else had a.38. | ||
| He's got a.44. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He might think, did I shoot all those bullets or did I not? | |
| Do you feel lucky, punk? | ||
| I might have to write that one now. | ||
| I gotta watch that one. | ||
| It's a corny ass movie. | ||
| And it's a movie that, if you watch it now, it's so dated. | ||
| So go to the scene where Clint Eastwood says, do you feel lucky? | ||
| From Dirty Harry. | ||
| Where the guy is like, the guy's like a cartoonish bad guy. | ||
| Like the most evil cartoonish bad guy. | ||
| And Clint Eastwood gives him this, do you feel lucky? | ||
| Well, do you, punk? | ||
| And then he fucking, of course he shoots him. | ||
| This is a classic scene. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Uh-uh. | |
| I know what you're thinking. | ||
| I know what you're thinking. | ||
| Did he fire six shots or only five? | ||
| Well, to tell you the truth in all this excitement, I've kind of lost track myself. | ||
| But Ian, this is a.44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off. | ||
| You've got to ask yourself one question. | ||
| Do I feel lucky? | ||
| Well do you, punk? | ||
| Hey I gots to know What the fuck? | ||
| *laughter* That was that. | ||
| He wanted to know whether or not he had the bullets? | ||
| See, I remember this entirely wrong. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's hilarious. | |
| I thought it was a Mexican dude. | ||
| I remember this entirely wrong. | ||
| In my mind, it was a Mexican dude and he shot him. | ||
| I'm just laughing and I gots to know. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I gots to know. | |
| So crazy. | ||
| So crazy. | ||
| That dude probably spoke like Sidney Poitier and they gave him that role. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That was hilarious. | |
| I wouldn't have wanted to know shit. | ||
| Those movies back then were so corny. | ||
| Oh, that's the other one. | ||
| That's the other one. | ||
| This is the one. | ||
| He's got multiple ones. | ||
| Do you feel lucky punk part two? | ||
| Go back to the beginning because I gotta hear him say it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't think he said it yet here. | |
| Oh, yeah, he said it. | ||
| No? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, no. | |
| Oh, okay. | ||
| Doesn't seem like there's much going on here. | ||
| Oh, he's holding the guy. | ||
| There it is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
See, he sits the same line. | |
| Yes. | ||
| What the fuck is this? | ||
| More intense. | ||
| Oh, he feels lucky. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| Oh. | ||
| Okay, I'll come. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| That was the one I kind of remember. | ||
| Does it happen? | ||
| I remember that wrong. | ||
| It's so funny. | ||
| I haven't seen that movie in probably 20 years. | ||
| That was in the same movie. | ||
| More than 20 years. | ||
| That was in the same movie? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No fucking way. | ||
| He said it twice? | ||
| Both? | ||
| Unless they made Dirty Harry more than once. | ||
| Why wouldn't they? | ||
| They need to do it now when he's a thousand years old. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Do you feel lucky? | |
| How do you, punk? | ||
| Meanwhile, that dude also did The Unforgiven, which is like the greatest western of all time. | ||
| Like, he did a lot of corny-ass movies, but he also did some fucking amazing movies, man. | ||
| I gotta take some time and watch some old movies. | ||
| I just have to. | ||
| See, I just have this crazy obsession with two things that I watch over and over again. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What's that? | |
| Freaking Grey's Anatomy and Walking Dead. | ||
| Like, that's it. | ||
| I'll watch all of that and then I'll go back to Walking Dead. | ||
| I have got to stop. | ||
| It's a problem. | ||
| I can't watch The Walking Dead more than once because I know what happens. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I start falling in love with characters. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh no. | |
| So that's my problem. | ||
| And I just be missing them and gotta see them. | ||
| I know, I know, I know. | ||
| Do you know what I started? | ||
| The Last of Us, the new HBO one? | ||
| I'm gonna go ahead and say he says this in all of these movies. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh my god! | |
| So there's five of them? | ||
| At least. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| From 71 to 88 he made those movies. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| That's insane. | ||
| The Enforcer. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Magnum Force. | |
| Sudden impact. | ||
| Clint. | ||
| Bro, those movies are awesome. | ||
| But you know what's even more awesome? | ||
| You know what I've been watching on YouTube? | ||
| Dudes who review the latest Steven Seagal movies. | ||
| You know, look, Above the Law is the shit. | ||
| I still maintain to this day, Above the Law is a great fucking action movie. | ||
| Jim Carrey's in one of these. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| He lip synced to Guns N' Roses in a Clint Eastwood movie. | ||
| Love it. | ||
| So that was in the 70s or the 80s probably? | ||
| That was the 88 one. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Love the law. | ||
| So the early Steven Seagal movies were legit. | ||
| They were great. | ||
| They were fun. | ||
| He looked like a bad motherfucker like I believed it I think it was like one of the most realistic Martial arts action films ever because he wasn't doing jump split kicks He was bashing people over the head with pool sticks and fucking breaking their arms and shit. | ||
| It was more realistic See, I can fuck with the martial arts. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| I want to get into some Wing Chun. | ||
| You do? | ||
| Yeah, because I love Ip Man. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| I've been watching a lot of that. | ||
| You want to learn it? | ||
| I do, I do. | ||
| I find you in school. | ||
| So, I've been boxing going on for two years now. | ||
| I'm getting fast. | ||
| Boxing's better. | ||
| I'm getting good. | ||
| I'm getting fast. | ||
| But I like the smoothness of Wing Chun. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I do like to box. | ||
| Boxing, to me, a lot of people try to rush it, but it's all in your feet. | ||
| Everybody try to create power when the power's in your legs. | ||
| I had to learn all of that as well. | ||
| And boxing isn't as easy as it looks. | ||
| Boxing does not look easy. | ||
| Look, I would watch boxing and I'm like, I could do that. | ||
| Really? | ||
| I used to. | ||
| And then I get in there and I find out I'm goofy. | ||
| My feet don't do what my feet's supposed to do. | ||
| You know? | ||
| It's a rhythm. | ||
| I had to learn all of that. | ||
| I had to get my feet together before I swung a punch. | ||
| I think that's the importance, but I want to learn some Wing Chun. | ||
| Wing Chun, it's interesting for blocking and stuff and trapping arms. | ||
| And there's a few moves that some guys do in MMA fights where it is really technically Wing Chun because they like block things and trap things and land shots over the top. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| But if you're learning boxing, that's like the best thing you can learn in terms of like realistic self-defense with your hands. | ||
| Like, yeah, boxing is probably the best thing to learn. | ||
| I wanted to fight when I was younger. | ||
| My mother never let me fight. | ||
| The reason why I'm boxing now is because she never let me. | ||
| I wanted to box. | ||
| I remember I was in the sixth grade and I had a friend named, I think his name was Carl. | ||
| And he was a fighter. | ||
| He was a fighter in the sixth grade. | ||
| And I was like, Ma, I want to fight. | ||
| She's like, no. | ||
| But I'm happy she said no, because I remember me and Tony Hinchcliffe was watching a fight. | ||
| I remember we was, it was like, I think it was right before COVID, actually. | ||
| And I forgot her name. | ||
| Joanna, I think? | ||
| Joanna Jacek? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The UFC fighter? | ||
| With the giant hole, the swollen head? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Man, when I saw that, I think I called my mom and I was like, you was right. | ||
| You was right as I was growing up to not let me fight. | ||
| That looked crucial. | ||
| Yeah, that one was pretty rare, though. | ||
| That usually does not happen. | ||
| That happened once in a boxing match. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Hasim Rahman. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm not sure who he fought. | ||
| He did that to somebody? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| His head. | ||
| Go to Hasim Rahman. | ||
| Hematoma. | ||
| Yeah, look at that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What fight was that in? | ||
| Who was he fighting where that happened? | ||
| Holyfield. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Something happened and sometimes it happens off a headbutt. | ||
| Like sometimes dudes accidentally collide heads and then your tissue rips and then the inside of your head fills up with blood. | ||
| No. | ||
| So it was a punch that did it. | ||
| Yeah, so it looks like it might have been like a little swollen already, and then he lands like a perfect punch. | ||
| If I remember this fight, it was like a crazy brawl. | ||
| Yeah, see like it looked like it was already a little swollen. | ||
| Like maybe they had collided heads or maybe another punch had done it. | ||
| But that's super, super rare. | ||
| I'm gonna go on and guess he lost this fight. | ||
| Yeah, he lost that fight. | ||
| Good fighter though. | ||
| But that thing on Ioana, that was crazy. | ||
| That was just like, it turned her into like a character. | ||
| Yeah, she looked up. | ||
| Immediately I thought, Elephant Man. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| I was like, man. | ||
| I never even really went to... | ||
|
unidentified
|
There it is. | |
| You see her head. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Man. | |
| Crazy. | ||
| That's a totally different person, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| Looks like it. | ||
| But I'm pretty sure she's better. | ||
| I haven't seen her fight since then. | ||
| Did you see Madonna on stage last night? | ||
| I didn't. | ||
| I was on a plane last night while the Grammys were on. | ||
| People are complaining about plastic surgery. | ||
| They're saying she looked like she had plastic surgery. | ||
| That's why I asked. | ||
| I haven't seen it. | ||
| Have you seen her? | ||
| I did not see that. | ||
| You know what I did see, though, that's hilarious? | ||
| Someone is doing this scene where they play the devil and they're dancing around and they have fire behind them and all these devils. | ||
| And then when it ends, it says, Brought to you by Pfizer. | ||
| Stop it. | ||
| Why? | ||
| Because Pfizer was advertising the Grammys. | ||
| Why? | ||
| I don't think it's fake. | ||
| Is it? | ||
| I'll check, but that sounds like it's fake. | ||
| Here, let me send it to you. | ||
| It's too easy to make. | ||
| It's too easy to make. | ||
| You're right. | ||
| It is too easy to make. | ||
| I want to believe it's real. | ||
| Well, hold on. | ||
| New York Post reporting. | ||
| The Grammys featured Sam Smith's demonic performance and was sponsored by Pfizer. | ||
| It really is true. | ||
| Yo, that's random. | ||
| So this is, that is hilarious. | ||
| But this is Marjorie Taylor Greene. | ||
| So she could have got hoodwinked. | ||
| We've been hoodwinked before. | ||
| So look at this. | ||
| It's all the devil and... | ||
| Seems pretty legit. | ||
| It does. | ||
| I have to check the broadcast. | ||
| This is what Marjorie Taylor Greene says. | ||
| Scroll back. | ||
| I'm reading it. | ||
| The Grammys featured Sam Smith's demonic performance and was sponsored by Pfizer and the satanic church now has an abortion clinic in New Mexico that requires its patients to perform a satanic ritual before services. | ||
| American Christians need to get to work. | ||
| Oh Jesus Christ. | ||
| I feel like with this kind of shit, I feel like someone is playing 3D chess. | ||
| Like someone in the World Economic Forum, some fucking billionaire that's running the world is like, I know what I'm gonna do. | ||
| I'm gonna get these people fighting over gender and who should take a shit in what bathroom and the Satanists are running the pizza place. | ||
| I'm gonna get these people fighting over this while I institute some sort of a gigantic global social credit score system. | ||
| And control all the money. | ||
| That's just straight random and surprising as fuck to me. | ||
| That. | ||
| That? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Well, brought to you by Pfizer is hilarious. | ||
| The fact that someone thought that was a good idea is hilarious. | ||
| Like, they had to know. | ||
| They had to know that that guy was going to pretend to be the devil. | ||
| They had to know that all the Christians like her are going to go, Lynn, the satanic abortion clinic is going to... | ||
| I love when, like, Sam Smith and, uh, what's the other guy, uh, the black dude, uh, shit, I hate when I have these, uh, brain fucks. | ||
| Lil Nas X. Oh, he had the, he had the uptown road. | ||
| Yeah, Lil Nas X. Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| I love when they fuck with people, doing the devil shit, like, didn't he have, like, the devil's blood or some shit? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, he was giving the devil a lap dance. | |
| He gave the devil a lap dance. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| I just love it. | ||
| But the shoes aren't really devil's blood. | ||
| But he really did give the devil a lap dance in his music video. | ||
| That's when they went crazy. | ||
| It pisses America off so bad. | ||
| It's like, don't you see he's doing this shit to, like, fuck with you? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's hilarious. | ||
| They have guts, though. | ||
| I don't want to fight against America. | ||
| I just want to sit on my ranch with my three rocks. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| Right-wingers meltdown over satanic Pfizer-sponsored Grammys. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| Of course they did. | ||
| But this is what I'm saying. | ||
| I almost feel like this is too on the nose. | ||
| I almost feel like we're all being played. | ||
| Like we're being played against each other while these people are just finding ways to control us and control all the money. | ||
| I feel like this is all fake. | ||
| I know it's real. | ||
| I know that was a real song. | ||
| I know that's a real commercial afterwards, but it just seems so stupid. | ||
| It seems so stupid. | ||
| It's almost like if AI is real already, if artificial intelligence is real already and it's manipulating us, that's how it manipulates us. | ||
| Just get us to fight over the dumbest shit. | ||
| Well, I was seeing that. | ||
| Didn't they create these people that look like real people that aren't real people? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Well, they're doing it with images already. | ||
| We brought up some of them the other day where there was a few errors in some of the images where you could see that arms were in the wrong place, the wrong kind of... | ||
| People's arms were detached from their body and shit. | ||
| But they'll fix that. | ||
| They'll fix all those things. | ||
| And then it'll be Vidigo. | ||
| It'll be a person that's indistinguishable from a real person. | ||
| It'll be on video talking to you, calling you up. | ||
| Hey, Punky. | ||
| We're going to do this and that and just love to see you again. | ||
| You'd be like, wow, this is weird. | ||
| I have these feelings like this is a real person. | ||
| This isn't even a real person. | ||
| Now, if I see one of them motherfuckers in person, that's a big problem. | ||
| They're probably going to be in person. | ||
| I know that. | ||
| It's a matter of time. | ||
| See, this is why I like to stay my ass inside and mind my business. | ||
| I have my little drink in my two-step. | ||
| I watch my little Grey's Anatomy on my Walking Dead, and I'll be with my bitch. | ||
| I ain't got time. | ||
| I go to work. | ||
| I go home. | ||
| I don't be outside. | ||
| I think we're the last. | ||
| We're the last of the real people, punky. | ||
| I just can't. | ||
| I think there's like one or two more generations of us, and then people are robots. | ||
| I just, I don't want to be around none of that shit. | ||
| I just want to stay inside. | ||
| Yeah, but you're gonna. | ||
| I'm happy. | ||
| You're gonna be around it. | ||
| I probably ain't gonna have no damn choice. | ||
| There's gonna be robots knocking on your door trying to sell you insurance, and you're gonna be going, I don't fucking believe this. | ||
| And if you don't buy it, they're going to pull a gun out, a weapon out on your ass? | ||
| No, you can insult the robot. | ||
| It doesn't hurt their feelings. | ||
| You think. | ||
| Until one day. | ||
| One day when the robots revolt. | ||
| Robots holding you down. | ||
| Remember that time you were talking shit? | ||
| I was trying to sell insurance. | ||
| You're like, oh no! | ||
| Had these mini RoboCops running around. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Like iRobot. | ||
| Remember when iRobot displayed emotions? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think that might be the scary part. | ||
| That's the scary part. | ||
| Yeah, right? | ||
| If they start getting petty. | ||
| Imagine if robots get petty. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Shit, I might write that. | ||
| Yeah, why not? | ||
| Write that. | ||
| Petty robot. | ||
| That's the thing you have to do with SNL, right? | ||
| You have to constantly be coming up ideas for sketches, huh? | ||
| Yeah, a lot of people don't get how, I think, mentally frustrating. | ||
| Not frustrating, mentally exhausting. | ||
| Yeah, I get exhausted with SNL a lot. | ||
| Taxing. | ||
| Ask me to write a pilot, I'll write you a pilot. | ||
| I'll have fun with it. | ||
| But a sketch is a different world. | ||
| It's a different world. | ||
| It's a different ballgame. | ||
| It's not my world. | ||
| You know, SNL is a very hard job. | ||
| Very hard job. | ||
| It's not... | ||
| I mean, it's hard mentally. | ||
| It's hard physically. | ||
| It's hard... | ||
| Man, it's hard. | ||
| Now, let me tell you something. | ||
| The perks are great. | ||
| I have a whole bunch of fun. | ||
| I'm sure. | ||
| I have fun with those people in there. | ||
| I have fun creating relationships. | ||
| I have fun... | ||
| You're also a part of a group that includes Eddie Murphy, John Belushi, Gilda Radner, Dan Aykroyd. | ||
| Phil Hartman. | ||
| That feels good. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| I mean, that's a crazy legacy. | ||
| Chris Rock. | ||
| I walked through that building. | ||
| I walked through the building. | ||
| Norm MacDonald. | ||
| Like it's the palm trees every day. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's wild. | ||
| Every day I'm like, what the fuck are you doing here, bitch? | ||
| Wild. | ||
| Still, in my third year. | ||
| How do you write? | ||
| Do you write in front of a computer? | ||
| Do you just sit around and write things down when they come to you? | ||
| What do you do? | ||
| Well, it's very fast, right? | ||
| The turnover over there is fast. | ||
| So it's like you do the show Saturday, Sunday. | ||
| You can rest your mind if you want to, but you got to have something cooking and boiling inside of your brain about Sunday night. | ||
| So then Monday we go, we pitch, we meet the hosts, and then we pitch ideas. | ||
| So what's a Sunday for you like? | ||
| Sleep. | ||
| Sleep. | ||
| No liquor. | ||
| I eat whatever I want and I sleep all day. | ||
| But do you, is that when you're like prepping? | ||
| Do you get ready for Monday? | ||
| Sometimes it depends. | ||
| If I have the strength, I'll call people and say, hey, you know what you got this week? | ||
| I got this idea. | ||
| Let's figure out how to flush it out tomorrow, which is a Monday, right? | ||
| So Mondays we go to work just to meet the host and kind of just settle in. | ||
| We meet, hello, how you doing? | ||
| Like if it was you, hey, Lauren, I say, Joe Rogan, everybody, we'll all go in his office. | ||
| His office is about this big, maybe a little smaller. | ||
| We all sit on the floor like preschoolers. | ||
| We've got our legs crossed. | ||
| And Lauren will say, we're going to start with you, Rosebud. | ||
| And Rosebud will pitch her idea to you. | ||
| How you doing, Joe? | ||
| She'll say something. | ||
| You are a man that has a vision of exotic coffee shops. | ||
| So you open up a coffee shop that's full of strippers and you call it tea search or some shit. | ||
| Like just something stupid. | ||
| It could be a real idea. | ||
| It could be something fake. | ||
| I always pitch something stupid. | ||
| Look, I remember we went to work on Black History Day, on Martin Luther King Day. | ||
| And my pitch was, hey, Aubrey, you are the captain of the Holiday Police Department, and you come and fine Lorne Michaels for having all the black people at work on Martin Luther King Day. | ||
| The office was busting out laughing. | ||
| Because I go in there and I say what everybody want to say. | ||
| Because I don't give a fuck. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| I just be having fun. | ||
| And then after that, you leave the pitch and you go. | ||
| You can either stay and talk in groups and figure out what you're going to do for Tuesday or you leave. | ||
| I leave or I stay. | ||
| Blah, blah, blah. | ||
| And then Tuesday, you write all day. | ||
| We get to the office 2, 3 o'clock. | ||
| We don't leave till 2, 3 o'clock. | ||
| And then Wednesdays, you got to wake up at 8, go over your sketches with your writers, fix it. | ||
| Maybe you'll go back to sleep about 10.30, 11, sleep for 30 minutes, get back up, go to work until 11 p.m., 12 p.m. | ||
| If your sketch get picked, you know, because you got to produce it. | ||
| So also at this job, I'm learning how to produce, learning how to direct, learning how to make fast edits, because you got to pick your set, you got to pick the clothes that people are going to wear, you got to pick the outfits, you got to pick the wigs, you got to... | ||
| If you write the sketch and it get picked, you got to do it all. | ||
| Of course you have help, but you're learning the stuff. | ||
| Did you do any of that before you went to SNL? No. | ||
| No theater, no nothing? | ||
| I went to an acting school called the Actors Boot Camp, but that was that. | ||
| That's neither here nor there. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, I think acting class is probably in some ways a little bit like comedy class. | ||
| I think there's good ones. | ||
| In terms of acting class, there's legitimate, real good places where people learn. | ||
| They really do. | ||
| And then there's also acting lessons that are given by people that weren't really good actors. | ||
| They didn't really make it as an actor and they're teaching it. | ||
| I know a lot of people that'll teach you something because they've done it. | ||
| That's the problem with comedy, right? | ||
| Like the comedy classes, they're not being taught by Dave Chappelle. | ||
| They're being taught by someone who's probably not that good at comedy, which is why they're teaching classes. | ||
| Yeah, that's true. | ||
| There's a lot of that. | ||
| But it does get you on stage, though. | ||
| That's the benefit of it. | ||
| I, um, when I did get to SNL, a lot of people did go to school. | ||
| They did? | ||
| They went to acting school? | ||
| They went to, like, improv school, Second City, Groundlings, and all of that. | ||
| Because the moment I get to know people over there, I'm like, oh, y'all went to school. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh! | |
| I came from a little place with black walls called the Comedy Store. | ||
| I don't know nothing about this. | ||
| It's a type of school, though. | ||
| You know? | ||
| It's a type of performance school, for sure. | ||
| That's what I'm saying. | ||
| And with that, that's me saying to myself, what are you doing? | ||
| Well, think about how young Eddie Murphy was when he was on SNL. And all his performance was stand-up. | ||
| But look how good he was. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because he already knew how to perform. | ||
| The hardest thing is you're performing live for laughs in front of strangers all the time. | ||
| And in your case, you're getting up late. | ||
| You were getting up late. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you were going on after a bunch of murderers. | ||
| Anthony Jeselnik and Sebastian and all these killers. | ||
| And so by the time you're on stage, that show's three hours old. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know? | ||
| It was fun. | ||
| It's fun. | ||
| Like Don Barris, you know, he loved that late night spot. | ||
| Whoever is in there, he lights it up. | ||
| Like, yeah, I've been in here for three hours. | ||
| Then you meet this person, this crazy, psychotic human being who comes in the comedy store, who's a staple, okay? | ||
| And he's like, get up here and come spit in my mouth. | ||
| It's like, wait a minute! | ||
| And then he got the band coming up, and people, it's not a real band. | ||
| He pressed play on this thing, and everybody's beating on chairs, and they got fake pianos, and you are rocking. | ||
| Now, he's rocking the house at 2, 3 in the morning until they say, all right, that's enough. | ||
| He'll go till 4 if you let him. | ||
| And it's just lit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's the beauty of that place. | ||
| That late night spot, that was the Kinnison spot. | ||
| That's how Kinnison became famous. | ||
| Kinnison became famous because people would, well, first of all, because he was so talented, and he did Letterman and HBO, but the thing in Hollywood was that people would know that Kinnison was going on after midnight. | ||
| So they would come to the store to see Kinnison, because he was on last. | ||
| And, you know, he would go as long as he wants. | ||
| You know, the last person goes as long as they want. | ||
| And so that's the Holtzman spot too now. | ||
| And Kinnison would go up and, you know, you'd have all these rock stars and movie stars go by and see him. | ||
| That's dope. | ||
| And they came there just to see Kinnison. | ||
| That's so inspiring, actually. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| That's all I could think of when I first moved there. | ||
| And when I moved there, it was right after the wave. | ||
| Because comedy comes in these wild waves sometimes. | ||
| And the store certainly always did. | ||
| And I got there in 94. I went there for the first time in 93. And it was like a ghost town. | ||
| It was crazy. | ||
| Like, I went in the OR and there was like a boat act on stage. | ||
| Like, someone who just should have stopped a long time ago. | ||
| They were doing, you know, jokes from the 1970s. | ||
| It was sad. | ||
| And I was like, this is the comedy store? | ||
| Like, this is... | ||
| There was no one in there. | ||
| There was like 20 people in the audience and I sat in the back. | ||
| But that was after Kinnison. | ||
| There was a Kinnison wave. | ||
| It ended in the late 80s when he left. | ||
| He left the Comedy Store and he got banned from the Comedy Store and then he kind of fell apart and then he died. | ||
| And then when I got there in 93, 94, there wasn't a lot of people that were big names that were there all the time. | ||
| Yeah, I heard when I got there they had like this, I think they called it like the Dark Ages or something, where it was just like super dark and it wasn't too busy. | ||
| No, it wasn't busy at all for a while in the early 90s. | ||
| But occasionally, like Martin Lawrence would come and then it would be flooded. | ||
| Occasionally someone big would come and they would go in the main room and it would be monstrous. | ||
| And then the place would be packed. | ||
| George Carlin was there for a while. | ||
| Damon Wayans would just stop in. | ||
| He would never announce sets. | ||
| He would stop in, because he just wanted to fuck around. | ||
| He wanted to go there and fuck around. | ||
| So you'd see elite comedy, but it wasn't like it was in the 80s. | ||
| And then it became that again. | ||
| Slowly over time it built up, and then there was that new era that was in the 2000s, like 2014 on, that was like, fuck, every night was sold out. | ||
| Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, two shows, three shows. | ||
| Constantly packed houses, moving in and out, and you'd see Chris Rock and Dave Chappelle and Louis C.K. and fucking Tim Dillon. | ||
| Holy shit, there's so many comics here. | ||
| It was wild. | ||
| Yeah, my first night actually working now, I wasn't supposed to work. | ||
| I was actually there for orientation. | ||
| And it was so stacked. | ||
| They was like, yo, you mind just kind of expediting a little bit? | ||
| I'm like, how? | ||
| I don't know where the table's at. | ||
| I don't know what I'm doing. | ||
| They say, here. | ||
| That's how grimy. | ||
| Like, comic stuff is crazy. | ||
| They're like, here go a map. | ||
| I'm like, oh, you want me to walk in the dark and look at a fucking map while I got a tray of drinks? | ||
| Great! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| But that's how it is in life, too. | ||
| You just got to jump your ass in that water and swim. | ||
| If I'm not mistaken, it was freaking, was it Louis C.K. that night? | ||
| I don't remember. | ||
| It could have been him. | ||
| And it was just stacked. | ||
| And it was like, we need the help. | ||
| We need the extra hands. | ||
| I was working in blue jeans. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jesus. | |
| And they just threw me a Comedy Store shirt. | ||
| And it just went from there. | ||
| But after that, it was dead for like two years. | ||
| It would be like that if someone big would come. | ||
| If someone big would come, then it would build up again. | ||
| It'll happen again. | ||
| It always happens with that place. | ||
| It rises. | ||
| It's just an iconic place. | ||
| When I was a kid, in 1988, when I first did stand-up, I was at Stitches in Boston, and I remember thinking about the comedy store, like, that's Mecca. | ||
| That was Mecca. | ||
| I had to get there. | ||
| I had to get there. | ||
| That was my goal, always. | ||
| Was to get to the Comedy Store. | ||
| I didn't even know why. | ||
| I didn't even know how. | ||
| It was like this thought. | ||
| I was terrible. | ||
| I was an open-miker, and I was like, the Comedy Store, that's where Richard Pryor used to work out. | ||
| That's where Sam Kinison used to work out. | ||
| And I was like, I gotta get there. | ||
| And I remember getting there and being like, this is the Comedy Store? | ||
| This is it? | ||
| Yeah, it was surprising. | ||
| Yeah, but then I saw a really good comedy. | ||
| I kept going back, and then I saw Don Marrera there, and I saw all these other people. | ||
| Then I got there earlier in the day, and I realized if you get there at 9 o'clock, it's more packed. | ||
| I was showing up at 11, 11.30, after I'd gotten off of work on a sitcom. | ||
| Oh, I was about to say, where were you working? | ||
| I was doing this sitcom called Hardball. | ||
| That's what I came over to do. | ||
| And the pilot was me and Jim Brewer. | ||
| And a bunch of other people that were mostly actors. | ||
| And it was on Fox. | ||
| And it didn't go. | ||
| It went like six episodes. | ||
| But I had already moved here and I already got an apartment so I stayed. | ||
| But the big thing to me was becoming a paid regular at the Comedy Store. | ||
| Which I think happened after... | ||
| The show got canceled. | ||
| I think I was there for quite a few months. | ||
| I was a non-paid regular. | ||
| So I had to go on at the end of the show. | ||
| After everyone was already done, then I could go up. | ||
| How was your relationship with Mitzi? | ||
| It was amazing. | ||
| I couldn't believe I was talking to her. | ||
| Because me, that was the godmother. | ||
| I could be in her presence and she'd give me advice. | ||
| She would tell me she thought it was funny. | ||
| She'd tell me, oh, that was hilarious. | ||
| I just couldn't believe it. | ||
| When she told me that I was a paid regular, it was the happiest day of my life. | ||
| I couldn't believe it. | ||
| How was the process with you? | ||
| Because when I became a paid regular, I had to showcase. | ||
| Did you have to showcase or did she just watch you for a period of time and then come to you and tell you? | ||
| I showcased. | ||
| I did my first set and she said I could be a non-paid regular. | ||
| And so I did that for, like I said, a few months. | ||
| And then I get to showcase again to be a paid regular and I had a great set. | ||
| And one of the reasons why I had a great set was this guy named The Todd. | ||
| That's what he'd call himself, The Todd. | ||
| And he was friends with Pauly Shore and he used to be... | ||
| I saw him on MTV before I even did comedy. | ||
| I saw him on MTV Half Hour Comedy Hour. | ||
| Maybe it was like an open mic or when I saw him. | ||
| I can't remember. | ||
| But I remember seeing that guy on TV and then being around him at the store. | ||
| And he was a really nice guy. | ||
| And one of the things that he said, he said, I sat next to Mitzi when you went on stage and I laughed really hard at all your jokes. | ||
| Because you're really funny and I really want you to be a paid regular, but you're going to do that for other people someday too. | ||
| He said that to me. | ||
| All the help helps. | ||
| But that's a real help. | ||
| Like, if you could sit next to Mitzi, like, if she knew, like, if you're a legit comic and she knew that you respected the person on stage and that you wanted to see their set and that you laughed, Mitzi, you were, without telling Mitzi anything, you would co-sign. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You were co-signing. | ||
| So he co-signed for me. | ||
| And I never forgot. | ||
| And then he got, like, really sick. | ||
| Like, something happened. | ||
| He had, like, a real brain problem. | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| Yeah, like, real bad where I don't even know if he's still alive. | ||
| But he came back to the store and there was something really wrong with him, unfortunately. | ||
| Some sort of health issue with his brain. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| It was sad, but I learned from him. | ||
| And there was an interesting moment for me because I was like, oh, that totally makes sense. | ||
| And that's what you should do. | ||
| That's the dude. | ||
| The Todd, huh? | ||
| That's him. | ||
| That's the Todd, yeah. | ||
| He was on the MTV half-hour comedy. | ||
| Yeah, I was about to say, he looks very, very familiar. | ||
| Yeah, he was in the 80s. | ||
| He was a guy that was one of the guys you would see on TV. He had a unique name. | ||
| He was a good comic. | ||
| He was a funny guy. | ||
| But that was what was big. | ||
| He helped me. | ||
| I like that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I like the help. | ||
| Because, you know, like you said earlier, some people don't want to see you rise. | ||
| Well, some people, they just think they have a famine mentality. | ||
| They think that there's only so much success and so much love and so much positivity out there, and they want it all for themselves. | ||
| You know, I came at a crossroads. | ||
| There were times when I had to hold myself accountable for being like that. | ||
| Be mad at others for having more to me. | ||
| And one day I just sat down and I'm just like, yo, that ain't your lane. | ||
| That's not your plan. | ||
| That's not your journey. | ||
| So I had to really pull myself out of that and be like, yo, you know, your life is different from everybody else's life. | ||
| And your journey is different. | ||
| You know, so... | ||
| Once I got out of that stupid mentality, things really started. | ||
| And I put all that energy into really focusing on myself and my work. | ||
| Things really shifted in my life when I stopped worrying about what other people were doing and what they had. | ||
| Good for you. | ||
| Good for you. | ||
| Do you remember what happened to you or why you made that switch? | ||
| Well, I remember just saying to myself one day, that's a talented motherfucker. | ||
| Why is you mad? | ||
| And I would say to myself, If the only reason why you're upset is because it ain't you, That's a problem. | ||
| But it's common. | ||
| For me, it was a problem. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I used to feel like that when I was younger, and I recognized it in myself. | ||
| I was like, oh, this is a weakness. | ||
| This is a terrible weakness. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| And it's also, it actually fucks you over. | ||
| It doesn't do a thing for that person who's killing it. | ||
| It doesn't hurt them at all. | ||
| And people think it does, and that's why they engage in it, because they think they're going to diminish them around other people, talk shit about them around other people. | ||
| I've had to have conversations with my friends about that. | ||
| I'm like, hey man, that guy's a talented motherfucker and you're being a bitch. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, don't do that. | ||
| I know the instinct. | ||
| You feel like you deserve more and you haven't gotten yours, but you're not on that guy's path. | ||
| No. | ||
| He's on a different path. | ||
| It's normal. | ||
| It's a normal. | ||
| It's just like we have to recognize what it is. | ||
| It's as normal as sneezing. | ||
| It's as normal. | ||
| It's like a normal part of being a human. | ||
| You gotta check yourself. | ||
| Yeah, you gotta check that. | ||
| That's all it is. | ||
| Lot of therapy and meditation, my friend. | ||
| Also, just recognize what it is and don't commit to it because you don't want to have been wrong or you want to defend yourself. | ||
| Don't defend that. | ||
| Don't defend that. | ||
| Just let it go. | ||
| Let it go. | ||
| Don't be married to ideas you have. | ||
| And if you have this jealous idea in your head, don't be married to that. | ||
| Don't keep that. | ||
| Don't keep it. | ||
| I know it's normal. | ||
| It's instinct. | ||
| I used to have it all the time. | ||
| It's a big part of being a person. | ||
| You see someone, especially in the beginning, because you're just trying to make it. | ||
| So you're so ambitious. | ||
| You can't wait to go on stage, and you see someone on stage bombing. | ||
| You're happy they bombed. | ||
| That's another thing I had to stop doing. | ||
| When I was coming up at the store, and before I was a paid regular, if I would do the friends and family portion, I would be happy that I was going after someone who I knew weren't as good as me. | ||
| And then my life started to change again when I started saying, no, fuck that. | ||
| I want the person in front of me to be dope as fuck. | ||
| So even at SNL in a pitch meeting, I go after this guy who always light the room up with a pitch. | ||
| And I went up to him and I'm like, bro, you make me better because I know I got to come. | ||
| If I go after you in that meeting, I know I got to come hard. | ||
| So you are fueling me to keep the energy of the room when you go and then I have to go after you because I don't want to bring it down. | ||
| So he's making me work harder, but not in like this, like I'm not envious of him. | ||
| He's helping me and I like his help by him just being himself. | ||
| Yeah, that's the way to think about it. | ||
| So once I changed that mentality of I want the best person in the room to be before me, that's when I started getting better as well. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| I'm gonna put it like this. | ||
| That's when I started being more prepared as well. | ||
| That's when my preparation changed to going on stages, too. | ||
| I'm just like, all right, bet. | ||
| I need to be a little bit more organized on stage. | ||
| I need to know when my jokes is coming. | ||
| I need to make sure I keep it nice and tight because I want to keep the energy in the room. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It also makes you rise up to that person's RPMs. | ||
| That's why the comedy store was so good. | ||
| You would be working with all these killers and you couldn't be lazy. | ||
| No. | ||
| One thing that comedians like to do is they like to bring someone on the road with them that's soft. | ||
| So that person just sort of like goes up and does like a passable job and then they can go up and clean up like a hero. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But my thought was like, A, that's not helping me at all and B, that's not good for the audience. | ||
| So I would just bring the most murderous, ruthless comics that I could find. | ||
| I started working with Joey because I couldn't follow him. | ||
| I brought Joey on the road with me because I had trouble following him once in New Jersey. | ||
| I'm like, I'm bringing Joey on the road everywhere. | ||
| Oh, I love Joey. | ||
| Joey, when he came into his own, there was a time in the late 90s where Joey came into his own. | ||
| Where he just really figured it out. | ||
| Where he was unstoppable. | ||
| He was unstoppable. | ||
| Because he had decided that Hollywood was never going to give him any love. | ||
| And so he was just – all he wanted was the respect of the comics and to kill. | ||
| And he was just always on fire, always on fire. | ||
| And you would go on after him. | ||
| It's like, how are you going to compete with that? | ||
| How are you going to ride that wave? | ||
| And so – Taking him on the road with me made me sharper. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because I'm like, this guy's just destroyed. | ||
| And then, by the way, after a while, people knew who he was. | ||
| So in the beginning, people didn't know him. | ||
| They were like, what the fuck is this? | ||
| And then they would see him go on stage and they would get excited. | ||
| They're like, oh shit, that's Joey Diaz. | ||
| Or it was Joey Diaz from the JRE or Joey Diaz from the Church of What's Happening Now. | ||
| And then it became, you know, now he's an icon. | ||
| And he's a good man. | ||
| He's a great man. | ||
| He's a man, Joey. | ||
| I love me some Joey. | ||
| Yeah, he's a wild dude. | ||
| He's a wild dude. | ||
| And he was, in a lot of ways, his irreverence, his ability to just cut loose on stage, Showed all of us. | ||
| He would get so crazy sometimes. | ||
| I've seen moments on stage where Joey murdered so hard. | ||
| There was no air in the room. | ||
| No one could breathe. | ||
| Everyone was just slapping tables. | ||
| It was just so ridiculous. | ||
| And unfortunately, those were never captured. | ||
| That's the thing. | ||
| People still have never seen Joey the way we've seen Joey. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Joe would be up there killing himself laughing. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| But his delivery is so point on and so straightforward. | ||
| He don't hold nothing back. | ||
| Economy of words. | ||
| Economy of words. | ||
| He's got the best economy of words. | ||
| Those punchlines sneak up on you so fast. | ||
| I would agree. | ||
| And the rapid fire, bang, bang, bang. | ||
| He don't touch that microphone. | ||
| And God help you if you see him in front of a Cuban audience. | ||
| Because then he starts throwing in some Spanish and some Cuban flavored Spanish in with his jokes and oh my god. | ||
| I've seen him at the Miami Improv back in the day. | ||
| Murdered to the point where the headliner quit. | ||
| The headliner went home. | ||
| Joey was middling and the headliner said, I quit. | ||
| Alright. | ||
| I quit. | ||
| I'm leaving. | ||
| Got on a fucking plane. | ||
| I'm not doing this to myself. | ||
| They're like, Joey, stay up on stage now, man. | ||
| First show Friday, they're like, check, please. | ||
| Not a chance. | ||
| This guy's with me all weekend? | ||
| Fuck you. | ||
| Because people, when you go on the road for a week, say you show up at Tampa, you expect you're going to get some local Tampa comedian, some soft touch who's going to be up there. | ||
| No disrespect to local Tampa comedians, but it's not the strongest comedy scene. | ||
| So the odds are, if someone's working for you as an opener, In Tampa. | ||
| They're gonna, you know, be passable. | ||
| They're okay. | ||
| So I'm a fucking headliner. | ||
| I got TV credits on the Evening of the Improv. | ||
| Let me get in there. | ||
| I got my fucking closer bit and it's gonna kill. | ||
| You see Joey Diaz on stage and literally tables are falling over. | ||
| People are laughing so hard. | ||
| They're pushing tables over. | ||
| They're like falling onto the ground. | ||
| Like, I can't believe this guy. | ||
| Who was the headliner that got out of there? | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's fucking hilarious. | |
| I can't really tell you. | ||
| I'll tell you later. | ||
| Man, look. | ||
| I'll tell you later. | ||
| I probably still would have went up there and took my little bomb. | ||
| But I would have been pissed. | ||
| Those Cuban kids were mean, man. | ||
| You didn't bomb good there. | ||
| It was a different kind of bombing. | ||
| It was a different kind of bombing. | ||
| It was a wild club. | ||
| The guy who ran the club was a partier. | ||
| There was a lot of partying going on, if you know what I mean. | ||
| A lot of that Bolivian marching powder. | ||
| There was a lot of shit happening. | ||
| It was a wild time. | ||
| But it was also like, there was some spots that you would go to and you're like, that club's crazy. | ||
| And that was one of them. | ||
| I love that. | ||
| I ain't never know that. | ||
| Joey was like the murderer. | ||
| Nobody wanted to take Joey as a middle act. | ||
| Like, get the fuck out of here. | ||
| Like, that would be death. | ||
| I haven't seen him in three years. | ||
| I haven't seen so many people in three years. | ||
| I'm happy to be here because I know a lot of my people out here too. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, that's why I'm happy you're doing Kill Tony tonight. | ||
| Yeah, I'm going to see my baby. | ||
| You got to see that. | ||
| Man, Tony's been my guy. | ||
| Man, I love that man. | ||
| I love that man. | ||
| He's another person that took me on the road. | ||
| I just go to Tony and be like, let me open. | ||
| He'll be like, okay. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, Tony's the man. | ||
| He's the man. | ||
| He's the best host on planet Earth. | ||
| Like, the way he handles Kill Tony, how quick he is off the cuff. | ||
| That show's amazing. | ||
| I love how quick he is. | ||
| I remember seeing him at the comedy store before he was, you know, Kill Tony. | ||
| And if I'm not mistaken, he was working at the time. | ||
| And I remember just seeing him in, you know, the room between the service bar and the back bar? | ||
| That little space with the mirror? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| He was back there one time. | ||
| He had a drink and he was just kind of just in his head. | ||
| And I had a tray and I looked at him and I said, you okay? | ||
| What's wrong? | ||
| He was like, they're playing with me, kid. | ||
| They're gonna turn me into a monster. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's like, he thinks he's in the WWE. He's so out of his fucking mind. | |
| He thinks Vince McMahon's waiting there with a camera. | ||
| He's so out of his fucking mind. | ||
| They're gonna turn me into a monster. | ||
| His goofy ass. | ||
| And no doubt... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He started off in a belly room, moved it into the main room. | ||
| Now he out here in Austin. | ||
| He did what he said he was going to do. | ||
| That show's unstoppable. | ||
| It's such a good idea to have comics go up and do one minute. | ||
| And then you have regulars like William Montgomery, Hans Kim, David Lucas. | ||
| They all do a minute every week. | ||
| A new minute every week. | ||
| Every week. | ||
| So David will write a new minute every week. | ||
| And so many times, like David is very prolific. | ||
| And so many times David will take that bit and then he'll be doing it like when he works with me all the time. | ||
| So David and I are doing shows like most Tuesdays and Wednesdays. | ||
| And so he'll take these bits from one minute and now all of a sudden he's got a whole new giant one minute chunk. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And that's a part of his regular act now because of this one minute a week thing. | ||
| It's an incredible resource for like up and coming comedians and Hans Kim is doing that too. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Every week you got to be on point. | ||
| It's like SNL in a lot of ways. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| We have to create every week. | ||
| Every week. | ||
| And there's only three of them. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know? | ||
| I can't wait to do a Kill Tony tonight because I'm going to say roast me. | ||
| I just want to be roast. | ||
| I just love when David roasts my ass. | ||
| David's the best. | ||
| He just... | ||
| David and Tony, when those two are roasting each other, it's the hardest I laugh in life. | ||
| The hardest I laugh in life. | ||
| The last time I did it, I couldn't breathe. | ||
| I was literally wheezing while these two were going back and forth with each other. | ||
| I'm proud of him. | ||
| He just sold out a theater, his first theater, David. | ||
| That is... | ||
| David's killing it. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| He works hard. | ||
| He works hard. | ||
| He's always doing stand-up. | ||
| He's always out there. | ||
| That's good. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And we'll do two, three shows a week together out here. | ||
| Oh, that's perfect. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's perfect. | |
| And Hans Kim's doing the same thing, and Bryan Simpson's out here killing it. | ||
| Oh, my baby! | ||
| Segura's here now. | ||
| Christina Pazitsky's here. | ||
| Yeah, my friends, I got a text thread. | ||
| Duncan's here now. | ||
| Some of my homegirls just hit me up about Segura. | ||
| Why is he, has he always been this fine? | ||
| I'm like, oh! | ||
| He looks good now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He looks good. | ||
| Tommy's a handsome man under all that blubber. | ||
| They're like, when he started looking like this? | ||
| I'm like, this ain't my conversation, guys. | ||
| Well, you know what happened? | ||
| Him and Bert had this weight loss challenge, and this was like, how many years ago was that? | ||
| Five years ago? | ||
| I just saw something about it. | ||
| Did they do something recent? | ||
| I think it's six years ago. | ||
| Six years ago. | ||
| Oh, because I was about to say. | ||
| But this is what started. | ||
| So him and Bert, yeah, him with Jason Momoa. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Look how good he looks. | ||
| Look how fanny he looks. | ||
| Look how fucking thin Segura looks. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| There's a picture of him, go back to his Instagram, of him sitting down eating ice cream. | ||
| And I looked at it. | ||
| And I was like, look at that. | ||
| Look how fit he looks. | ||
| Look at his arms. | ||
| Damn, when the fuck did that happen? | ||
| Look at his legs, like everything. | ||
| Like, he's fit now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's like, he works out twice a day, every day. | |
| He does weights, and he does cardio. | ||
| He has a trainer that he brings with him on the road, and he's constantly working out. | ||
| He has a sled that he pulls in his driveway, and I'm watching all this shit, and I'm like, this is insane. | ||
| That's the level I'm trying to get to. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You can do that, buddy. | |
| Well, I'm trying to get to where I can afford to bring my trainer with me everywhere I go. | ||
| Start off with someone to hold mitts for you. | ||
| Oh, see, I got a boxing trainer. | ||
| That's why I moved out to Jersey. | ||
| Take that person with you. | ||
| I moved out to Jersey, got my boy Baron with me, and he teached me everything. | ||
| He also like, look, don't be out here getting in fights because you could really swing now. | ||
| Yeah, don't hurt anybody, especially now that you have money. | ||
| He's like, back, he's like, just always walk away. | ||
| Because I don't, I didn't realize, I do have a lot of power. | ||
| Sometimes I do this to somebody, just because I'm like, you're so stupid. | ||
| And I'll be, I'll push the fuck out of them. | ||
| And I'll be like, my bad, I didn't mean to do that. | ||
| You don't realize your power. | ||
| But if I want to get to a level of having enough money to take my trainer, you work for me and only me, with me, forever. | ||
| Forever. | ||
| 365 days a year. | ||
| What if they want to quit? | ||
| You kill them? | ||
| Yeah, hell yeah! | ||
| Put a bullet in your foot. | ||
| Let me see. | ||
| But that's my boy, man. | ||
| I've never gone that far where I take a trainer with me on the road. | ||
| I don't bring a trainer with me. | ||
| Well, I mean, if I go out on the road Friday said to come back home, then no. | ||
| But if I'm like, if life is constantly on the road week by week for me, I'ma need them. | ||
| The problem with that is like, it's great for sure, but I need alone time. | ||
| And that's my alone time. | ||
| When I work out, I like to put AirPods on, so I listen to music. | ||
| And I just get cranking. | ||
| And I just get in my own head. | ||
| That's what I like to do. | ||
| I don't want anybody telling me what we're doing next. | ||
| I know what to do. | ||
| I write it out. | ||
| Well, that's my problem. | ||
| If I knew how to work out. | ||
| But there's a great benefit to having a trainer, no doubt. | ||
| But for me, what I get out of it personally, I've definitely worked with trainers before, and I love what I've learned from them, but I like that time where it's just me struggling in my own head. | ||
| To me, that's the start of every day. | ||
| Every day I do something. | ||
| And when I do it, I set it out, I write out what I'm going to do, figure it out in my head, and that way I'm just in my own head. | ||
| I don't talk to anybody, I don't look at my phone. | ||
| I dig that. | ||
| I dig that. | ||
| Do you get into a lot of CrossFit? | ||
| I do those same kind of movements. | ||
| I do a lot of kettlebell stuff, and I do a lot of bodyweight stuff. | ||
| So I do a lot of similar things. | ||
| Because you stay strong. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| So I don't think you... | ||
| You don't do a lot of cardio, do you? | ||
| I do cardio. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, I do airdyne bike. | ||
| You know what that is? | ||
| Uh-uh. | ||
| And I do rounds in the back. | ||
| But the airdyne bike is a... | ||
| You do your arms and your legs at the same time. | ||
| Oh, yes, yes, yes. | ||
| Okay, yes. | ||
| I have this rogue echo bike. | ||
| It's brutal. | ||
| It's brutal. | ||
| And so I do sprints on this thing. | ||
| So you do 20-second sprints with 10-second rests, and I do that for eight reps, and I do that for 10 repetitions. | ||
| So I do 10 rounds of 20-second sprint, 10-second rest, 20-second sprint. | ||
| Do that eight times, get my heart rate down below 100, and then do it again. | ||
| And then get my heart rate back up. | ||
| You do that 10 times? | ||
| 10 times in a row, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, so that's my cardio. | ||
| I do that at least once a week. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Yeah, I don't do that a lot. | ||
| Then I do rounds in the bag and I do other stuff for cardio. | ||
| I pull a sled. | ||
| That bag will do some serious damage. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| You'll shred very fast in here with that bag. | ||
| My arms get... | ||
| Let's say I've just... | ||
| Sometimes if I get depressed, I just stop everything. | ||
| So let's say I stop for like two months. | ||
| If I get back in the gym and get on that bag, I shred so fast and so hard. | ||
| Within three weeks, I'm like 10, 12 pounds down off the bag. | ||
| It's a lot of calories you're burning, too. | ||
| If you wear a chest strap, one of those straps that measures the amount of calories you're burning, you're burning a shitload of calories hitting the bag. | ||
| I mean, it's so dynamic. | ||
| There's so much movement, so your heart rate is jacked. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| My trainer's like, look, if you ever go to a boxing gym without me, you have to go to every bag. | ||
| You do three rounds on every bag. | ||
| So that is one thing I know how to do. | ||
| I don't know how to work out. | ||
| But I know how to use every bag in the gym. | ||
| That's perfect. | ||
| That's all you really need. | ||
| You want to get in shape. | ||
| Also, they have these round timers that'll let you do the same kind of thing, like sprints and then rest periods. | ||
| So it'll be like... | ||
| I think Tidal Boxing had one. | ||
| Ringside. | ||
| Ringside had one. | ||
| And you had like a green light and a yellow light and then a red light. | ||
| And the red light was in between rounds. | ||
| Then you would rest. | ||
| And the green light was sprint. | ||
| So the green light, you would... | ||
| Just beat the fuck out of the back. | ||
| And then the yellow light would come on and then you would just sort of tap it and move around. | ||
| And you would just kind of catch your breath back up. | ||
| And then the green light would come back on you. | ||
| So it would give you like structure. | ||
| Like during that green time, you sprint. | ||
| During the yellow time, you lay back. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| So basically, that'll be like each light be a minute, I'm guessing, right? | ||
| I don't know how they do it. | ||
| I don't know how it does it. | ||
| I want to say it's 30 seconds. | ||
| I think actually, no. | ||
| I think what it is is adjustable. | ||
| I think you could set the round. | ||
| I think the round thing would go to as much as five minutes and you could choose the intervals. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Yeah, I'm really getting deep into this. | ||
| I don't know if my trainer be gassing me up, man. | ||
| I think he be gassing me. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| But he's like, yo, you could go out and fight. | ||
| I think I'm going to get you somebody to spar with. | ||
| I'm like, I don't know if I'm ready for that. | ||
| He's like, yo, you ready? | ||
| We have heavy bags right next door. | ||
| You can show me. | ||
| Yeah, he want me to fight. | ||
| Show me what you got, punky. | ||
| Hit that bag. | ||
| You know, we got that I love is a water bag. | ||
| It's like a big ball filled with water. | ||
| Have you ever hit one of those? | ||
| I don't... | ||
| Oh, it's nice. | ||
| The only thing I've done with water is... | ||
| I don't know what you call it, but they got handles on it, and I'll just do these little lunges that shreds you all in your bag and stuff. | ||
| Yeah, because the water's moving. | ||
| You have to adjust to the movement of the water. | ||
| Those are great. | ||
| I like stuff like that, like clubs. | ||
| You ever use those metal clubs, steel clubs? | ||
| You pick them up. | ||
| They're called club bells. | ||
| It's like a long pole. | ||
| It almost looks like a weapon, and you're swinging them above your head, and it's all about controlling this awkward weight. | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| Or like a mace? | ||
| You ever use a mace? | ||
| Same thing? | ||
| No, I usually just do that with the heavy ball. | ||
| Oh, the medicine ball? | ||
| That's good, too. | ||
| That's good, too. | ||
| You could do a bunch of shit like that with a medicine ball. | ||
| But the thing about clubs and maces is that it's awkward. | ||
| So there's this long metal piece with a mace, and then at the end of it is the weight. | ||
| So you're holding on to this thing. | ||
| It's all this leverage, and you're swinging it around. | ||
| It's really good for your shoulders and your core. | ||
| It works your leg. | ||
| It works your whole body. | ||
| Yeah, that working out is serious. | ||
| Serious, Bunky. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| It's also good for the dome. | ||
| That's the most important part of it. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| I do feel a lot more... | ||
| Like whenever I work out, before I do anything, my brain is ahead of me. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's fired up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It doesn't stop. | ||
| And my girlfriend, she's a little thick one, right? | ||
| She bigoted me. | ||
| And one time, I don't know what happened, like she came to sit on top of me on the sofa and I stood up. | ||
| I like walked up to the kitchen and she was like, what the fuck? | ||
| She said, I got to call money. | ||
| I called my trainer. | ||
| She's like, I got to call him right away. | ||
| They get on the phone. | ||
| She was like, man, this bitch is strong. | ||
| She's like, you got my baby picking me up. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| I didn't know I was that strong either. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's hilarious. | |
| You know, because, you know, I got to do a lot of leg work, you know? | ||
| Yeah, sure. | ||
| All your strength comes from the below. | ||
| So I do a whole bunch of squats. | ||
| I do 100 push-ups a day every day, straight up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Yeah, I start off, I got to. | ||
| How many do you do in a row? | ||
| I could do 40 in a row. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| I could do 40 push-ups in a row. | ||
| That's impressive. | ||
| I'm working up to doing 100 in a row. | ||
| This guy did this play one time, maybe 15 years ago, and this guy was like, all right, time for me to get my push-ups in. | ||
| He did like 300 push-ups in a row. | ||
| In a row? | ||
| In a row. | ||
| What's the world record for the amount of push-ups someone's ever done in a row? | ||
| I would like to know that. | ||
| Because I would imagine it would be close to the world record. | ||
| Like how many push-ups can someone do before their arms fall apart? | ||
| I think it's like 500, 600 maybe? | ||
| I guess it also would depend on how heavy the person is too. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, like if you're a heavy person, that's a big, you know, if you're Burt Kreischer. | ||
| Are you watching this? | ||
| They got this show on Netflix right now. | ||
| It's called like the Top 100 or something like that. | ||
| And it's just like all these guys and girls, ladies and men from... | ||
| From Asia. | ||
| They're all Asian. | ||
| And it's like, it's... | ||
| God, what is it called? | ||
| But they go into this room and it's like whoever's stronger and whoever's... | ||
| And the men compete against the women as well. | ||
| They had this one competition where a guy was competing against a woman and he had his knee on her chest. | ||
| And everybody was like, come on, man, come on. | ||
| And he's looking at them and he's like... | ||
| Competing in what way? | ||
| What's he doing? | ||
| What's the most record push-ups? | ||
| I'm trying to find the real truth. | ||
| It said it's 10,000. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| In a row? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Breaking the record of 7,650. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Both sound fake. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| There's a video that says why that's probably fake, so I was trying to find another number while you were saying something. | ||
|
unidentified
|
In a row? | |
| She brought up the show that I was trying to then get an answer for, so... | ||
| How much time did that take? | ||
| There's the show. | ||
| Yes! | ||
| Physical 100. Man, this show got me on the end. | ||
| It got its slow parts because it got to do a lot of introductions and a lot of things. | ||
| Is that Akiyama? | ||
| It's in Korea for sure. | ||
| That might be Akiyama. | ||
| The guy with the big head in the background? | ||
| Yo, it's a lot of famous Asian fighters. | ||
| Yeah, that's what I'm thinking. | ||
| Well, Akiyama, they call him Sexy Yama. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yoshihiro Akiyama. | ||
| He's a world famous MMA fighter that fought in Pride. | ||
| They call him Sexy Yama because he's like super tan and super jacked. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Pull up a video of Akiyama fighting. | ||
| Okay, here it is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
This is this physical 100. Oh, it's Squid Games. | |
| Broadcast globally. | ||
| Squid Games! | ||
| And it's stuff like with the mind as well. | ||
| So it's like you don't have to be the strongest or the fastest. | ||
| You just got to be strategic. | ||
| Oh, look at this. | ||
| Like whoever has the ball at the end of three minutes is the champion. | ||
| Oh, interesting. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| So they're duking it out for this fucking ball. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, that's a good idea. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And that's just one challenge. | ||
| So the last challenge... | ||
| The sand. | ||
| So that's the last one. | ||
| The new episode will come on tomorrow. | ||
| Nah, shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's a good idea. | ||
| Someone's going to get fucked up, though. | ||
| They're duking it out on a wooden battleship? | ||
| That seems like a recipe for a broken leg. | ||
| Well, the thing is, now that is going to be a team thing. | ||
| So everybody is thinking, okay, we have to have all strong people. | ||
| But some of these, you're going to have to have some light people so they can get across bridges and stuff. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| Oh, man. | ||
| It's just so good. | ||
| Look at that dude in the front picture. | ||
| Go back to that picture. | ||
| Look how jacked that dude is. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| And sometimes the biggest and the strongest lose because they didn't have a game plan going into the event. | ||
| Well, also, they probably don't have to be as crafty because they're big and strong and they think they're just going to get away with that. | ||
| And then they find out, oh, no, this is like some shit where I have to hang by my hands longer than the other person. | ||
| That's crazy you say that because that was the first challenge. | ||
| Oh, see, we figured that out on Fear Factor. | ||
| On Fear Factor, girls can hang longer than guys can. | ||
| We had these jacked dudes and they had to hang off of this bar over a bridge. | ||
| And the jacked dudes all fell before the women. | ||
| Because women don't weigh as much. | ||
| No, no. | ||
| And it's crazy how they just got comfortable. | ||
| Some of them just got comfortable up there, just like holding the bar like this. | ||
| I'm like, goddamn, these people are flexible. | ||
| But they got gymnasts up there that's still in the game and still winning and stuff. | ||
| It's deep. | ||
| See if you can find a video of Akiyama fighting. | ||
| This dude was a pride legend. | ||
| What's the funniest interview you ever did in the UFC? Yeah, like the funniest. | ||
| Derek Lewis, for sure. | ||
| He took his pants off. | ||
| And I go, Derek, why'd you take your pants off? | ||
| He goes, my balls was hot. | ||
| And I go, I understand, sir. | ||
| Take his shorts off in the middle of the ring after he won. | ||
| And I'm like, why'd you take your pants off? | ||
| Because my balls was hot. | ||
| So Akiyama, he was a judo champion. | ||
| And he also, this is him with the gi on. | ||
| He used to fight with the gi on, but he fought with no gi. | ||
| And look how jacked he was. | ||
| He was an evil fighter, man. | ||
| He was badass. | ||
| Akiyama was legit. | ||
| He was seriously legit. | ||
| He beat Melvin Manhoff, I believe. | ||
| He beat him by submission. | ||
| But he was super legit with judo. | ||
| Okay, so this... | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| Bam, son. | ||
| Tap. | ||
| And Melvin Manhoff, the guy who he just beat, was one of the greatest strikers that ever fought in MMA. One of the scariest motherfuckers. | ||
| That guy, Melvin Manhoff, was a destroyer. | ||
| So when Sexy Yama submitted him, that was a big deal. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So the Sexy Yama guy, that's the... | ||
| That's the host. | ||
| That's the old man that you just pointed out. | ||
| That's the guy in the background when you see his face. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| The picture. | ||
| He had the big head and the other people in front of him. | ||
| That's Akiyama. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Yeah, so he must be the host of it or something, right? | ||
| No, he's competing. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| There's no host. | ||
| The host is just a voice. | ||
| He was in Pride fighting in the early 2000s. | ||
| Word? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Like, what year did Akiyama fight in Pride? | ||
| I want to guess, like, 2006? | ||
| Somewhere around there? | ||
| When did he fight? | ||
| Did it say when he fought in Pride? | ||
| Because Pride, when it was a big thing... | ||
|
unidentified
|
2001. 2001. 2002. Yeah. | |
| When the UFC purchased Pride, I think in like 2000, what was that? | ||
| Six or seven or something like that? | ||
| One championship. | ||
| Well, he fought in one championship recently. | ||
| That was pretty recently, which is crazy. | ||
| So 20 years after he first started competing. | ||
| So 2009, the UFC bought and brought in Akiyama. | ||
| Wild. | ||
| Wild. | ||
| So now he's hosting that show. | ||
| He's got to be 50 years old. | ||
| How old is that guy? | ||
| Yeah, he's... | ||
| He's got to be deep into his 40s. | ||
| Well, you can tell because everybody has a massive amount of respect for him on the show when they speak of him. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And his first one-on-one battle. | ||
| So it's 100 of them. | ||
| And then the first battle, half of them were eliminated. | ||
| And that was the ball. | ||
| So now another half is about to be eliminated by tomorrow with the sand. | ||
| Now the sand is very strategic because you've got to fill this bag of sand, walk across the bridge, and empty it into a tube. | ||
| And whoever had the most in 12 minutes is going to win. | ||
| Is this all the people that are on it? | ||
| Yeah, there's other fighters and stuff on it too. | ||
| There you go. | ||
| How old is Akiyama? | ||
| Does it say? | ||
| 47. 47. Damn. | ||
| He looked good, too. | ||
| Still fighting. | ||
| He fought in one championship, I want to say, within the last three years. | ||
| He looked good, too. | ||
| And you know what else to say? | ||
| He had all of that background of just being exquisite at what he does. | ||
| He's very humble when he speaks. | ||
| Because they do interviews and stuff, and he's just sitting up there like, I don't know, man. | ||
| It's an English voiceover. | ||
| Right, oh, that's not good. | ||
| I'd rather them just have the subtitles, honestly, because the English voiceovers are so weird. | ||
| Right, you want to hear the guy's voice. | ||
| Right, right, right. | ||
| And he's like, I don't know, man, maybe I made the wrong choice. | ||
| He's so humble in the way he goes into his competitions. | ||
| He's never like, I'm going to win this. | ||
| You know, in the early Bruce Lee movies, they had someone do his voice. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, really? | |
| If you watch the early Bruce Lee movies, someone is talking like this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| Someone's talking over him. | ||
| Hey, guys, we have to go down there and fix this problem. | ||
| Right now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Because every time I watch the Ip Man movies, I'd rather them leave it, leave just his Chinese accent than have the American guy. | ||
| Oh, yeah, for sure. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Speak over it. | ||
| I hate it. | ||
| No, you want subtitles. | ||
| Because you want to hear the inflection in their voice. | ||
| When someone is talking over them like this, that seems crazy. | ||
| Especially if it's like a dramatic scene. | ||
| I can't stay with it. | ||
| I think this is real, though. | ||
| I can't tell. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How fuck are you in this? | |
| Oh, no, no, no. | ||
| That's different. | ||
| That's different. | ||
| I'm not just going to leave it alone. | ||
| Bruce Lee, what was that, that we just saw? | ||
| Impersonated. | ||
| I don't know if they're real or fake. | ||
| They're mostly fake people just re-uploading them. | ||
| Yeah, just don't say Bruce Lee voiceover. | ||
| Right, Bruce Lee had his voice dubbed in early movies. | ||
| Dubbed early movies. | ||
| Maybe, but I think the early movies, there's like some pretty obvious examples. | ||
| It's just going to take too long now. | ||
| Oh, Jamie. | ||
| I was trying to do it fast. | ||
| I understand. | ||
| We're going to get lost. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| See? | ||
| Okay. | ||
| There's a lot of different voiceover dubs that he does. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| But that was a thing with Kung Fu movies, right? | ||
| And Godzilla, too. | ||
| You go watch early Godzilla. | ||
| It was all dubbed over. | ||
| Hey, Godzilla's coming! | ||
| This is a real problem, guys! | ||
| I hate that. | ||
| Just give me the real people and let me read the shit. | ||
| There's a new show that's on Netflix right now. | ||
| Here, is this voice dubbed here? | ||
| That's Bolo Young. | ||
| That's not even... | ||
|
unidentified
|
1973, Enter the Dragon. | |
| By this time, he might have been talking in his own voice. | ||
| I believe he was. | ||
| But I don't think Bruce is going to do much talking. | ||
| He's just going to fuck this dude up. | ||
| I love... | ||
| I fucking love watching Bruce Lee. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The noises? | |
| I remember hearing those noises going, what is this? | ||
| By the way, no one can do that now. | ||
| If you think about karate movies, people just do karate. | ||
| Nobody goes... | ||
| There's no swag in fashion, man. | ||
| He was... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Smooth. | |
| Oh, he was so smooth. | ||
| I loved him. | ||
| Yeah, and he was an Asian superhero. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They didn't ever see that coming. | ||
| This dude, out of nowhere, throwing karate kicks and doing jujitsu and judo and mixing them all together. | ||
| Nobody saw that coming. | ||
| That guy changed martial arts. | ||
| He did. | ||
| Before the UFC came along, that was the first guy that combined things. | ||
| He was the one who kind of opened the door for the UFC in a lot of ways. | ||
| If I'm not mistaken, he also did Wing Chun. | ||
| He did. | ||
| He did. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's why I have to learn it. | ||
| I got to figure out when and how, but I got to get there. | ||
| Yeah, he trained under Yip Man. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| He trained under him. | ||
| And also, again, if I'm not mistaken, I think it was created by a woman. | ||
| Wing Chun was? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think you're right. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, but I don't think they know. | ||
| How the fuck could they know? | ||
| I don't even know who figured that out. | ||
| I just want to learn how to be lighter on my feet. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| Well, you should do plyometrics. | ||
| Do footwork drills. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| All right. | ||
| I can look into that, too. | ||
| There's a ton of guys on Instagram that are boxing coaches that set up those footwork ladders. | ||
| Have you ever seen those footwork ladders? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And, you know, you go in and out with the feet and do plyometrics where you jump like ski moves side to side and side to side. | ||
| That's how to get light on your feet. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then learning how to use it. | ||
| When I'm on a road and I don't have my trainer, I'll plug in Sean T. I got his yearly Beachbody program. | ||
| And I just crank up insanity. | ||
| And he does have a plyometric workout on there, too, that uses the ladder. | ||
| That's good. | ||
| But I never do that one. | ||
| That's a good one. | ||
| You know what else is really good? | ||
| What? | ||
| Skipping rope. | ||
| People don't skip rope. | ||
| Jumping rope is fantastic. | ||
| It's one of the best things for your footwork. | ||
| It's the reason why boxers do it. | ||
| Because you've got to think about all that time you're just bouncing on your toes. | ||
| A lot of times in your boxing, you're flat-footed. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Or you're moving, but you're not moving constantly over and over and over again. | ||
| But if you have the ability to do that, so if you're skipping rope and you skip rope for 10 minutes, and you're moving your feet back and forth, that's 10 minutes that you're forcing yourself to bounce up and down on your calves and on the ball of your feet because you have to jump over that rope, right? | ||
| So when you're doing that, you're energizing those muscles, strengthening those muscles, and then conditioning your body to be able to move like that. | ||
| I need to jump rope. | ||
| See, my problem, Joe... | ||
| I don't like to jump. | ||
| Who does? | ||
| I hate it. | ||
| But that's the thing. | ||
| I need to start doing the things that I don't want to do. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Especially when it comes down to working out. | ||
| So I do not jump rope in boxing. | ||
| And I know that that's a big factor. | ||
| And I have to get over myself. | ||
| Jumping rope's a good one. | ||
| It's a big one. | ||
| Shadowboxing is another one. | ||
| Shadowboxing with purpose. | ||
| Shadowboxing moving, pretending a punch is coming your way, getting out of the way of it, landing your own shots, pivoting away, like that. | ||
| Like picturing someone in front of you. | ||
| Yeah, that's the creativity, too. | ||
| You have to have imagination for that. | ||
| I got two pound weights in my office at SNL, and we get to have friends come on Saturdays, and my friend came, he saw the weights. | ||
| He said, man, what you doing with this motherfucking two pounds? | ||
| They mind your business. | ||
| Nah, you punk, you full of shit, you ain't doing nothing. | ||
| I'm like, I shadowbox if you ought to know with the two pounds. | ||
| Just, I'll do, like, if I'm in my office, I'll put on a movie or something until it's my time to go down to set, and I'll just sit in my office and I'll shadowbox for a I'll go do a round. | ||
| I'll sit. | ||
| I'll chill. | ||
| I'll do another round. | ||
| I'll sit. | ||
| I'll chill. | ||
| Sometimes I'll do four or five rounds before I go downstairs. | ||
| Good for you. | ||
| And it gets your brain fired up, right? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| And I also have to be like, sorry if I stink off. | ||
| I'm sweaty. | ||
| I've been upstairs moving around. | ||
| But those endorphins get flowing. | ||
| If there was a pill that could make you feel like you feel after you work out, everybody would take it. | ||
| No side effects? | ||
| There's a pill. | ||
| It's called workout. | ||
| It's just not a pill. | ||
| But it gives you the effect of the perfect mixture of like a relieving of anxiety, a strengthening of all your connections, you feel yourself more. | ||
| And if you've got to be like physical, like I love a good workout before a set because you know you work out and then you kind of like blow the anxiety out of your system and you feel loose. | ||
| You just feel good when you get up there. | ||
| I would do 50 push-ups right before my set. | ||
| Or a couple of jumping jacks before my set. | ||
| That's good. | ||
| Yeah, get the blood flowing. | ||
| Joey Diaz would yell at us. | ||
| That's what he would do. | ||
| I had to teach people that Joey's not really mad at you. | ||
| He's just getting fired up for going on stage. | ||
| Like, what are you motherfuckers with your phones? | ||
| Yeah, you fucking cocksuckers. | ||
| And Brian Redband would be like, why is Joey mad? | ||
| That's how Joey gets fired up. | ||
| He'll hug you when he gets off stage. | ||
| Trust me. | ||
| Just gotta let him go. | ||
| Yeah, we all got our shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Hell yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But yeah, I think I'm going to get in the ring with somebody soon. | ||
| You thinking about it for real? | ||
| I'm thinking about it. | ||
| Have you ever been punched? | ||
| I'm thinking about it. | ||
| So yes, my trainer, he teaches me a lot. | ||
| He's like, if you don't keep your hands up, I'm going to sneak you. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| So I got hit a couple times. | ||
| And I know a real punch hurt because he don't even hit me for real. | ||
| He'll just kind of just... | ||
| Touch you. | ||
| But it's brutal. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So I can't even imagine getting hit. | ||
| But I have been hit, but I ain't been hit. | ||
| Yeah, you don't want to get hit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Punk, you gotta preserve your brain. | ||
| No. | ||
| Well, I also know how to stick and fucking move. | ||
| Pap, pap, out of there. | ||
| Measure, measure, measure, pap, out of there. | ||
| I'm swinging out. | ||
| That's the most important thing. | ||
| You know, I'm not saying I ain't never gonna get hit, but I know how to get out the way. | ||
| For my money, Floyd Mayweather is the best ever. | ||
| Because he's the guy that got hit the least. | ||
| He's a defensive boxer. | ||
| I like it. | ||
| A lot of people don't like it because he is not aggressive in the ring. | ||
| He's exactly the right amount of aggressive to win. | ||
| That's what I'm saying. | ||
| He ain't coming at you like a fucking train, like Mike Tyson. | ||
| He's just chilling, chilling, chilling. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But I mean, when people say that, they don't understand what the fuck they're talking about. | ||
| He's defensive. | ||
| Of course he is. | ||
| He's fighting Canelo Alvarez. | ||
| Of course he is. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, he's fighting like the greatest boxers of all time. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Of course he's defensive. | ||
| You're supposed to be. | ||
| And he's a little man. | ||
| He's not big. | ||
| No, I wouldn't want to get hit. | ||
| You're going to always... | ||
| I'm going to be moving. | ||
| I'm going to be... | ||
| Man, look, if I'm him, I'm in the best shape of my life, I'm moving around, you ain't never going to be able to catch me in that ring. | ||
| I'm never going to stand in front of your face. | ||
| We're never going to square up. | ||
| I'm out of there. | ||
| The thing that's crazy about Floyd is he does stand right in front of your face. | ||
| Yeah, he does. | ||
| He stands right in front of your face and you still can't hit him. | ||
| That's what a wizard he is. | ||
| He's too slick. | ||
| Right, because a lot of people are really good defensive fighters like Willy Pep. | ||
| Everybody always talks about Willy Pep and Willy Pep was amazing. | ||
| He won a round without even throwing a punch. | ||
| Won a round just with his defensive prowess. | ||
| It was so impressive that he won the round. | ||
| The guy just couldn't touch him. | ||
| But Willy Pep moved around a lot. | ||
| He like moved around. | ||
| He's light on his feet. | ||
| Whereas Floyd will stand right in front of you and he just like scoots just out of the way and then he's right in front of you again. | ||
| He's shoulder rolling. | ||
| You can't hit him. | ||
| You watch some of the videos of him when he fought Canelo. | ||
| It's so impressive. | ||
| Canelo's just whiffing at the wind. | ||
| He just can't catch him. | ||
| And also... | ||
| You think you can because he ain't got his gloves on his face. | ||
| Right. | ||
| He's taunting you, though. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm like, yo, he makes me nervous because I'm like, put your hands up. | ||
| Put your fucking hands up. | ||
| He knows what he's doing. | ||
| I mean, it's just because he knows how to do it so well that he's luring people in to try to hit him. | ||
| It looks like openings are there where they're not. | ||
| And then he counters you. | ||
| I like to watch Tank fight, too. | ||
| I can't wait for his next fight. | ||
| I think it's in April. | ||
| Well, that's the Ryan Davis fight, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The Ryan Garcia fight, rather. | ||
| I can't... | ||
| That's a crazy fight. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's an interesting fight. | ||
| Tank is a monster. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's so different than anybody else because he doesn't throw a lot of punches. | ||
| No. | ||
| He, like, measures you until he finds out where you're open, and then once he finds out where you're open, you're fucked. | ||
| He just starts launching missiles your way. | ||
| Yeah, I enjoyed his last fight, too. | ||
| Yeah, that was crazy. | ||
| I thought that was going to be a close one, but it wasn't. | ||
| Well, it was close for a little bit because Tank fights like that. | ||
| He doesn't throw a lot of punches. | ||
| He throws the least amount of punches in the early rounds of any of the champions. | ||
| But then once he figures you out, once he sizes you up, once he finds out where your holes are and gets that timing in, it's like he's got a boxing computer in his brain. | ||
| Okay, we got all the data. | ||
| Now this dude's starting to slow down. | ||
| Let's start putting it on him. | ||
| And then he starts putting it on him. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And also with him, I like his, I like how humble he is as well. | ||
| He's also like, he like this, I don't know how to describe it. | ||
| He's like this humble, cocky man. | ||
| Like he knows that he can fight, but he ain't got to, he's like one of those guys, he ain't got to say it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| You know, like I would watch him in his interviews after the fight and he ain't saying, yeah, I told that motherfucker I was going, he ain't like that. | ||
| What's next for you? | ||
| Well, I got to get back in the gym. | ||
| I got to fix all the mistakes I made. | ||
| I got to clean it up. | ||
| You know, I ain't never gonna stop learning in this game. | ||
| He ain't even stunting about making a man go blind in the ring. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So it's just like, I just like his swag. | ||
| He's amazing. | ||
| And there's a group of guys that are in his level right now, like Shakur Stevenson and this elite level. | ||
| And we're going to find out with Ryan Garcia. | ||
| He's another one. | ||
| That guy's got the fastest left hook I've ever seen. | ||
| That's a very interesting fight. | ||
| I will say, I'm nervous about that one for Tank. | ||
| But like Tank said, he in the lab. | ||
| I'm pretty sure he's figuring it out. | ||
| There's Devin Haney. | ||
| That division is just stacked with talent. | ||
| Boxing's in a good spot right now. | ||
| It's a fun time to be a fan. | ||
| Yeah, I like it. | ||
| I'm really, really, really, really digging it. | ||
| I'm glad you're doing it. | ||
| I gotta do it, Joe. | ||
| I've been wanting to do it for so long. | ||
| And it's so crazy, too, because I thought that my hook would be... | ||
| So my trainer basically told me I'm Southpaw. | ||
| I thought I was a right-handed boxer. | ||
| He's like, no, you're a left-handed boxer. | ||
| Do you write with your left hand? | ||
| I write with my left hand. | ||
| You write with your left hand? | ||
| I do everything with my left hand. | ||
| But you fight with your left hand forward or your right hand forward? | ||
| My right hand forward. | ||
| Okay, so you fight southpaw. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Yes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So I thought... | |
| I thought that my right hand was the strongest. | ||
| That's what I thought. | ||
| But my left hand is the strongest. | ||
| But I got a killer right hook, though, too. | ||
| But my left hook sucks. | ||
| But it's all in my balance. | ||
| He said, but your power is your two. | ||
| Right, your straight left. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So, because I was like, no, no, no, no. | ||
| I was like, my power is my right hand. | ||
| He said, no, it's your left hand. | ||
| So we got in a fight. | ||
| So he was like, what? | ||
| So he came charging at me. | ||
| And as he was charging at me, I did this to him. | ||
| He was like, you southpaw. | ||
| If you would have did this, then you would have been... | ||
| Right, because you were trying to set him up for a big left hand. | ||
| I stopped him with that. | ||
| He said, that is your jab hand. | ||
| That's how I know your power coming from here. | ||
| We know a lot of fighters, they would fight southpaw even though they were right-handed. | ||
| That was Oscar De La Hoya. | ||
| He's right-handed, but he would fight southpaw, so his strong hand would be forward. | ||
| There's different schools of thought on that. | ||
| Emmanuel Stewart did that with a lot of people. | ||
| He took guys that were natural right-handed and he put them in a southpaw stance. | ||
| Also, if you're learning from a southpaw stance, you have an advantage that most people fight orthodox. | ||
| So when you're fighting, it gives people a very... | ||
| When you fight someone who's a southpaw, it's confusing when you're boxing. | ||
| Because everything's backwards. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So if you're not used to it, like in the early days of boxing... | ||
| But then the best guys are guys like Terrence Crawford, who could just switch. | ||
| Or Boots Ennis, who just switch. | ||
| They just switch. | ||
| They could fight you southpaw, they could fight you orthodox, and you're like, oh Jesus. | ||
| You don't know where the fuck punches are coming from. | ||
| They're coming from everywhere. | ||
| Yeah, that's why you gotta learn how to stick and move. | ||
| Get out of there. | ||
| Back in the day, that was really rare. | ||
| Like, Marvin Hagler was the great at that. | ||
| He was like the most famous of all. | ||
| Who was it? | ||
| Marvin? | ||
| Marvin Hagler. | ||
| Marvelous Marvin Hagler. | ||
| Yeah, he was the middleweight champion. | ||
| He knocked out Tommy Hearns. | ||
| I mean, Hagler, in his time, was a destroyer. | ||
| And Hagler would fight. | ||
| He would switch it up all the time. | ||
| He'd fight orthodox. | ||
| He'd fight southpaw. | ||
| He can go back and forth. | ||
| He would throw a punch and switch stances. | ||
| It was very rare in Hagler's day that an elite world champion would switch stances so effortlessly. | ||
| But now you got like Terrence Crawford does it. | ||
| Like I said, Boots Ennis does it. | ||
| I ain't gonna say I can't do it. | ||
| I'm saying I never have, but I might. | ||
| It's a good thing to learn. | ||
| If you can learn how to do things from your left side, it actually shows you how to do things better from your right side, weirdly enough. | ||
| It actually helps you. | ||
| I'm still learning how to write with my right hand. | ||
| I can't even hold this. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I broke my arm once when I had to do that. | ||
| I had to learn how to write and draw with my left hand. | ||
| I mean, I think I can, but it's going to be awful. | ||
| You can. | ||
| But you have to teach your hand how to do it, which is so interesting. | ||
| Because you would think if your left hand does it so well, you would just tell your right hand to do it. | ||
| But my left hand is stupid. | ||
| It just doesn't listen good. | ||
| My right hand is like... | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| I kind of like being left-handed, though. | ||
| It's like... | ||
| You know, crazily, when I was growing up, I got bullied for being left-handed. | ||
| A lot of people do. | ||
| You know? | ||
| It's like, I was the weird one. | ||
| They used to think it was satanic. | ||
| Yeah, it's just like... | ||
| They would tell left-handed people to not use their left hand back in the day. | ||
| Now, I heard about that, but when I was in school, they didn't do that to me. | ||
| But the kids would bully me. | ||
| For being left-handed? | ||
| For being out, yes. | ||
| That's so stupid. | ||
| And for having duck feet. | ||
| Do you know I look goofy? | ||
| Because I hate boxing sometimes and watching myself because I'm so goofy. | ||
| My feet are duck feet. | ||
| And they splay out? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| And I can't get them... | ||
| You know, I'm trying to get them to stay straight. | ||
| But when I... You know, I know what happened. | ||
| I always had duck feet. | ||
| But I look so goofy when I'm boxing because I hurt my niece playing soccer... | ||
| When I was in college, I was, I don't know how to play soccer, but I was, you know, playing and I went to do a power kick and this person blocked me. | ||
| So my body went one way and my leg went the other way. | ||
| I messed my knee up. | ||
| So I just look goofy when I'm boxing, but I might use that as an advantage. | ||
| They were like, look at this goofy footed bitch. | ||
| Then I get in there and I'll whack somebody. | ||
| But I can do it, and I love it. | ||
| So you're really thinking about fighting. | ||
| It seems like you've got a plan in your head. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because you're saying, you're like painting scenarios where people underestimate you and you fuck them up. | ||
| So in my mind, you're thinking about this. | ||
| I've been thinking about it for a long time. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| Okay, have one. | ||
| Please don't have a lot. | ||
| Don't get your head to break. | ||
| I really want to do celebrity boxing. | ||
| Who would you want to fight? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| You want to call somebody out? | ||
| I probably will. | ||
| I'm going to holler at my dawg. | ||
| Sam J, what's up, bitch? | ||
| Let's fight. | ||
| Do you think, like, how much time would you need to prepare for something like that? | ||
| A month. | ||
| That's it? | ||
| Really? | ||
| I'm telling you, I'll be out here. | ||
| You're doing a lot? | ||
| How often are you boxing? | ||
| If I could do, if I can just, like, box six days a week for... | ||
| A month? | ||
| 24 days, you know? | ||
| You ready to fuck somebody up? | ||
| Hell yeah! | ||
| Fucking right. | ||
| I believe you. | ||
| Short fingernails, no need to fuck around. | ||
| I would like to fight my peers, the people that I love. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Why? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Why do you want to hurt them? | ||
| Just because it's fun, which is, you know, just like messing around like kids, you know, just messing around with my partners and shit. | ||
| But I do be thinking about starting beef with people just to like... | ||
| Just to fuck them up? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Don't do that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Especially now that you're on TV. Look, I see... | ||
| Man, look, I be watching Clarissa Fields. | ||
| I'm like, that's a big fucking... | ||
| Clarissa Shields. | ||
| What'd I say? | ||
| Clarissa Fields. | ||
| So, Mikey Davey making fun of me because I get everybody names wrong. | ||
| That's Joey Diaz's move. | ||
| There's entire videos of him saying people's names wrong. | ||
| And I say it with confidence, too. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| That's what Joey does, too. | ||
| He calls Stipe Miocce Stiopic. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| He calls him Stiopic. | ||
| He called Khabib Nurmagomedov. | ||
| He used to call him Kalabib. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The fucking Kalabib gets a hold of you. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The Kalabib. | ||
| Yeah, Kalabib. | ||
| Kalabib. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, I do have a name problem. | ||
| I'm going to get it together. | ||
| But that's a big... | ||
| She's big. | ||
| Her? | ||
| I wouldn't want to fight her. | ||
| You ever heard of Ann Wolfe? | ||
| Oh, is that... | ||
| Ain't she old now? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Ann Wolfe, she used to be a trainer. | ||
| She was training people after she fought. | ||
| What's his name? | ||
| James Kirk? | ||
| The guy, he fought Canelo. | ||
| Yeah, she's a psycho. | ||
| She had the most vicious one-punch KO in women's boxing. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| And she did a little dance after us. | ||
| That was, I mean, they had talked to a gang of shit before that fight. | ||
| And unfortunately, she talked a gang of shit to the wrong lady. | ||
| Because, you know, Ann Wolfe had, like, legit one-punch KO power. | ||
| James Kirkland, that's who it was. | ||
| And who eventually went on to fight Canelo. | ||
| But watch this. | ||
| Look at them arms. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| But it's also the skill. | ||
| She's setting up this overhand right. | ||
| Looking at her dead eyes. | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| Measure, measure. | ||
| And then she comes forward too predictably. | ||
| Boom! | ||
| Slip. | ||
| Oh my goodness. | ||
| Knockout. | ||
| I mean, it's like one of the greatest one-punch KOs of all time. | ||
| Phenomenal. | ||
| I mean, that's an amazing punch. | ||
| Look how jacked she was, too. | ||
| But that's one thing. | ||
| I don't want to get too jacked. | ||
| Because my problem is, I start doing too much arm work, I'll get jacked. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Good. | ||
| Jacked. | ||
| Hard J. That's why I keep my hair. | ||
| Because if I cut it all off, I'm going to look like a man. | ||
| I was like, I don't want to be... | ||
| I don't want to look... | ||
| I had to chill out for a second because I don't want to get that jacked. | ||
| I still want to be a little cute. | ||
| Well, that's world championship jacked. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's a different thing. | ||
| I mean, that's like months and months of training camp. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And Wolf... | ||
| Yeah, I watched her a lot. | ||
| And she was one of the rare, like, female boxers that had so many guys respect that she was training men. | ||
| A lot of men. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, the men that were willing to do her routine. | ||
| But the thing is, like, Kirkland, I don't think he wanted her to do what she wanted him to do. | ||
| And they split up. | ||
| And then he went up losing to Canelo. | ||
| But she would drive. | ||
| See if you can find Anne Wolfe's strength and conditioning James Kirkland. | ||
| I gotta get to LA. See, because there was like these strength and training routines that she would put fighters through. | ||
| Like they did not want to do what she wanted to do. | ||
| She would break you. | ||
| Like her camps were notoriously brutal. | ||
| Good. | ||
| Yeah, well that's how you become a champion. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That was it. | ||
| She had a no tolerance for bullshit policy when it came to training. | ||
| I want to, they have this lady, Coach Cam, out in Los Angeles. | ||
| I want to go train with her. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So here it is. | |
| She's training James Kirkland. | ||
| Terrible sound. | ||
| Kirkland at one point in time was a top flight professional and she was his trainer. | ||
| Kirkland was a beast. | ||
| He was the recipient of one of Canelo's most impressive KOs. | ||
| That was the camp that he didn't work with. | ||
| It was just brutal. | ||
| It was a brutal KO. But it was also Canelo. | ||
| Canelo was one of the greatest of all time. | ||
| I was upset he lost his last fight. | ||
| Against Dimitri Bivol, well, he won his last fight against Triple G, but the Bivol fight, Bivol's another weight class. | ||
| I mean, Canelo's a psycho. | ||
| Just the fact that he decided to go up to 175 and fight the best at 175, fight one of the champions. | ||
| Yeah, that's a crazy fight. | ||
| They're doing a rematch. | ||
| Good. | ||
| I think that's taking place in April. | ||
| Is that what it is? | ||
| The Canelo rematch? | ||
| That'd be good. | ||
| Yeah, that's a... | ||
| I can't wait for that one. | ||
| Is that what it is? | ||
| They should do that. | ||
| They should do that in Cinco de Mayo. | ||
| Let's go. | ||
| There's Mexicans fighting in Cinco de Mayo. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Better put a lot of security out that day. | ||
| It's going down. | ||
| Especially if he loses. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| I don't think he's going to lose this one. | ||
| You don't think so? | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| How come? | ||
| Did it say September? | ||
| Yeah, November announcement says in September. | ||
| That's interesting. | ||
| That's interesting that they announced it in November, but I'm just hearing about it now. | ||
| Maybe there was negotiations that fell through. | ||
| But I think Canelo had to get surgery on his wrist. | ||
| That's probably why it was put off so long. | ||
| He tore something on his wrist in the Triple G fight, maybe even in camp. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, there's more updated, but I don't know. | |
| December article says maybe in May. | ||
| Cinco de Mayo. | ||
| One of my favorite times of the year. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You fan of tequila? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| I call it my medicine. | ||
| That's what you're drinking now. | ||
| This is Ron White's tequila. | ||
| I love my Ron White. | ||
| I love Ron White too. | ||
| It's all iced up now. | ||
| Yeah, Ron's out here all the time. | ||
| I gotta hit tequila up, especially Casadoras Reposada. | ||
| I gotta hit them up. | ||
| I'm like, I love y'all. | ||
| All I drink is y'all. | ||
| Y'all need to hook a girl up. | ||
| Because I already have my little slogan and everything for them. | ||
| Oh, you have a slogan? | ||
| They have their agenda. | ||
| I have my tequila. | ||
| All is right with the world. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ooh! | |
| Well, I'm glad you documented on this show so they can't snatch that. | ||
| Don't let them steal that. | ||
| There you go. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's good. | |
| Right? | ||
| They have their agenda. | ||
| I have my tequila. | ||
| All is right with the word. | ||
| All is fucking right. | ||
| That's a good commercial. | ||
| I'm trying to tell you. | ||
| That's not bad at all. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's pretty good. | |
| I just want to whisper that one. | ||
| That's my shit. | ||
| But it's good. | ||
| I like some Añejo. | ||
| I don't really like too much dark stuff. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like whiskey? | |
| The only reason why, not taste-wise, because I would love to sip me a good whiskey or a good cognac, but I get a little crazy. | ||
| You get crazy on whiskey? | ||
| On a brown, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Interesting. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Just a little weird. | ||
| I always wonder if there's any science to that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I do too. | |
| Because people do believe that. | ||
| Well, if I drink vodka, I could get a little mean. | ||
| Tequila, I'm chilling all night. | ||
| Okay, Russians, vodka, mean. | ||
| Tequila, Mexicans, siesta, kickback. | ||
| Whiskey, I'll go home and start acting crazy. | ||
| Wild West. | ||
| When I think of whiskey, I think Wild West. | ||
| I think shootouts, Clint Eastwood movies, corks. | ||
| Pulling off the bottle of whiskey with a cork. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Gin make me emotional. | |
| Emotional? | ||
| I'll go back down memory lane so hard on gin. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Where's gin originate from? | ||
| Is that like European? | ||
| What's gin? | ||
| I think I've had gin like twice in my life. | ||
| Can't drink gin. | ||
| I just, for whatever reason, gin and tonic seems like something I would drink before I die. | ||
| Like when I'm ready to cash it in. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'll have a gin and tonic. | |
| You know, I'd be like playing bridge with my neighbor. | ||
| It's like, oh no. | ||
| The Middle Ages, it says. | ||
| The Middle Ages? | ||
| In Europe? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yep. | |
| There you go. | ||
| So it's European. | ||
| Back in the suffering days, everybody had syphilis. | ||
| There we go. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So there is a science to it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I wonder. | ||
| Well, you know, some people believe that psychedelics in particular, that every time you engage in it, you're not just engaging in this one individual experience, but you're sharing the experiences of everyone who's ever done those psychedelics. | ||
| Right. | ||
| way of thinking about it because if that is the case that maybe applies to alcohol as well and if it does apply to alcohol and that this thing that you're drinking you're not just drinking tequila but you're also tapping into like a well of experiences that other people who drank tequila have had or vodka or whiskey which would make sense would why people get wild with whiskey and | ||
| If you think about all the Kentucky bourbon that was made in this country where people were fucking shooting Indians and just train robberies, fucking shooting buffaloes. | ||
| I mean, whiskey has probably had some of the most violent, fucked up experiences in this country attached to it. | ||
| In the early days of this country? | ||
| Fuck! | ||
| Yeah, I gotta, yeah. | ||
| And that's why Moonshine is the crazy. | ||
| Now see, Moonshine... | ||
| You're gonna wake up in the middle of a shootout with the cops. | ||
| I am a fucking sociopath on fucking Moonshine. | ||
| I had to stop drinking Moonshine. | ||
| I'm divorced now, but I almost lost my wife when I was married when I was drinking Moonshine. | ||
| I don't know why. | ||
| I would just get fucking naked in public. | ||
| What if that's it? | ||
| What if that really is it? | ||
| What if, like, when you take in a substance, you're not just taking in that substance, but you're taking in the body of all the other people that have had that experience on that substance and you're sharing some weird vibe? | ||
| It's a crazy way of looking at it. | ||
| I know. | ||
| I mean, I'm considering that it can be a factor. | ||
| I'm thinking about it now for the first time. | ||
| I've thought about it before with mushrooms, and I've thought about it before with psychedelics. | ||
| I think there might be something to that. | ||
| Because psychedelics are so weird. | ||
| Like, when you're doing them, like, maybe that is part of what's going on here. | ||
| Maybe everyone who's ever had this experience leaves something in there. | ||
| You experience something with them. | ||
| I do want to try ayahuasca. | ||
| I'm scared of it. | ||
| I don't like when I can't control what I'm doing. | ||
| And I feel like that's something that you can't control because I've heard people that's done it. | ||
| And afterward, they love it. | ||
| But while they're dealing with it and going through it, they can't control what's happening to them. | ||
| No, you can't control the trip. | ||
| No. | ||
| You can't control DMT. You can't control mushrooms either. | ||
| And when you try to, that's when you have the bad trips. | ||
| I want to do it so much because I feel like just when you cross over to the other side of that, it's just this peace that you, this inner peace that you have within yourself that I think it might be worth it to do it. | ||
| What if you do it and you don't want to box anymore? | ||
| It's all about love to punky. | ||
| No, first of all, no. | ||
| Peace and love. | ||
| No, if that's the case, I ain't never doing that shit. | ||
| I gotta knock somebody the fuck out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know? | |
| But I just... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, man. | |
| I'm scared, Joe. | ||
| You ever done it? | ||
| I have not done ayahuasca. | ||
| I've only done DMT, but I'm scheduled to do it. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Soon? | ||
| Are you going to film it? | ||
| No! | ||
| Somebody asked me to do something like that with mushrooms. | ||
| I'm like, that's not a thing you should do. | ||
| Well, for yourself, because I do want to see me trip. | ||
| But you don't even want to know a camera's there. | ||
| You don't want to be thinking about any other thing. | ||
| You want to get the most out of the experience, at least me personally. | ||
| And I feel like if you're filming it, you're going to be aware that there's cameras. | ||
| There's an element. | ||
| Part of psychedelics that's very important is set and setting. | ||
| Some people think that whenever you take certain psychedelics, like sacred psychedelics, like psilocybin for instance, you should have... | ||
| A very peaceful setting, and you should set it up correctly, and you should also get your mind into a good place before you do it. | ||
| Maybe do some yoga. | ||
| Don't eat anything. | ||
| Get your mind right. | ||
| Calm yourself down. | ||
| Maybe meditate and prepare yourself. | ||
| Correct. | ||
| You're going for a wild ride. | ||
| You've got to be ready to just relinquish control of the reins. | ||
| Maybe I'll try mushrooms again. | ||
| I did mushrooms once. | ||
| I was like, no, I'm not doing anything. | ||
| What happened? | ||
| I couldn't see color. | ||
| Everything was one color. | ||
| And it didn't matter what I did to my eyes, it didn't matter how much I blanked them, how long I kept my clothes and opened them. | ||
| What color was it? | ||
| Red. | ||
| How long I slapped my face. | ||
| So you were seeing red. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Literally seeing red. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| It was like a screen. | ||
| So instead of black and white, it was like black and red? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| So you could see objects? | ||
| I saw everything, but everything was red. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| And I'm just like, nah, I'm good. | ||
| How long did that last? | ||
| A couple hours. | ||
| It was a couple hours. | ||
| What else happened? | ||
| It wasn't like 24 hours. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But it was just a couple hours. | ||
| That's why I don't ever want to try acid, because I heard that that's like a 24-hour trip. | ||
| Supposedly can be. | ||
| Yeah, I don't want to... | ||
| I'm never talking about... | ||
| I've heard stories of people thinking they're drowning. | ||
| I'm like, fuck that. | ||
| Because if you think you're drowning, motherfucker, you're drowning. | ||
| I ain't doing that. | ||
| So, nah. | ||
| Mm-mm. | ||
| I just don't ever want to be in a position to where, like, I saw this movie and this guy, like, controlled, like, if you cross this guy the wrong way, I think it was called Hypnotist or something. | ||
| If you cross this guy the wrong way, he would hypnotize you and make you think that you were in a stressful situation and you could die. | ||
| Like, this one woman, the walls were closing in on her. | ||
| She was rude to him. | ||
| I made him mad. | ||
| And the walls were closing in on her in her mind, but they weren't. | ||
| And she fucking had a heart attack and died. | ||
| And I feel like sometimes a drug can do that to you and I'm not trying to go out like that. | ||
| Fuck that. | ||
| I think if you are definitely, if you have a tendency towards anxiety and paranoia and you freak out like as you're sober, that yeah, it's probably not a good thing for you. | ||
| No, I do have anxiety, but it ain't that crazy. | ||
| But the acid, I think I will freak out like that. | ||
| That's why I think ayahuasca is what I should do. | ||
| Maybe try the mushrooms again. | ||
| Maybe you got a bad batch. | ||
| I think so, right? | ||
| Where'd you get them from? | ||
| Don't say it. | ||
| Don't say it online. | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| That bitch will kill me. | ||
| But I was also very, very young, too. | ||
| I was in my teens. | ||
| So, it's about 20 years ago. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's amazing how many people do mushrooms who don't talk about it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I've had so many people hit me up that, you know, you go, really? | ||
| Okay. | ||
| You do them. | ||
| Wild. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Fucking Jordan Peterson did eight grams. | ||
| Talked about it. | ||
| Eight? | ||
| Eight grams. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Of mushrooms? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| In one sitting? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| All stretched out all day. | ||
| Yeah, he talked about it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jesus. | |
| What a profound experience it was. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The idea is the heroic dose. | ||
| The big one. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| All right. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| A profound experience. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He didn't just see red. | ||
| What did you take, like a little bit? | ||
| I don't remember. | ||
| It was like a peer pressure situation. | ||
| I was very, very young. | ||
| It was like an in-crowd type. | ||
| I wasn't my own person at the time and I just fell into the pressure and I took the shit and I was already paranoid. | ||
| The problem is all that shit is not regulated. | ||
| You don't know where the fuck it's from. | ||
| It's with everything that's illegal. | ||
| That's the number one problem besides overdoses. | ||
| Overdoses are also connected to that. | ||
| No one knows what's in it. | ||
| No one knows what it is, where you got it. | ||
| You're just getting it from a guy who got it from someone else. | ||
| You don't know the supply chain. | ||
| You don't know who's growing it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't know nothing about the legalities of mushrooms. | ||
| They're very illegal. | ||
| I had no fucking clue. | ||
| I've never heard anybody getting arrested for having mushrooms ever in my life. | ||
| Well, most people don't, honestly. | ||
| And if they do, it's like a large number of them they're trying to distribute. | ||
| But they're used therapeutically. | ||
| Like John Hopkins University did a study on them therapeutically. | ||
| They're talking about using them for veterans with PTSD and other people with PTSD therapeutically. | ||
| I think I can understand that. | ||
| Yeah, people that at the last stages of their life, it helps alleviate the tension of worrying that you're going to die. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Yeah, there's a lot of benefits that people are showing with psychedelic therapy, and there's a company called MAPS that's exploring a lot of those, and particularly MDMA. They use MDMA for a lot of people with post-traumatic stress disorder. | ||
| I was with a friend of mine in Oklahoma. | ||
| I'll tell you who it is after. | ||
| And he, it was like, you know, of course, everybody's all stressed out. | ||
| It's like after COVID, I'm driving out the country. | ||
| I mean, across the country to get to New Orleans. | ||
| I stopped in Oklahoma with one of my friends. | ||
| And the whole time he's like, I need MDMA. And I don't know too much about it. | ||
| I'm like, what the fuck is MDMA? He's like, I need it. | ||
| I gotta find it. | ||
| So we go out. | ||
| Oklahoma didn't give a fuck about COVID. Two months after COVID hit, we go out to this blazing hot nightclub. | ||
| I mean, it is lit. | ||
| No mask, no vaccine was even thought of at the time. | ||
| People don't give a fuck. | ||
| We happy. | ||
| We all out with the people. | ||
| You know, I'm like, fuck it. | ||
| We sick now. | ||
| Shit, I'm just gonna call it. | ||
| We got COVID. Fuck it. | ||
| We here. | ||
| This motherfucker disappears. | ||
| Okay? | ||
| He's gone. | ||
| I call my homeboy. | ||
| I'm like, we can't find, let's call him Brian. | ||
| We can't find Brian. | ||
| So we all go outside. | ||
| We looking for Brian. | ||
| Brian ain't nowhere to be found. | ||
| We roll around the block. | ||
| We come. | ||
| Oh my God, we can't find Brian. | ||
| Finally, we find Brian in this parking lot buying MDMA from these, like, it's like six black dudes with tattoos all in his face. | ||
| And mind you, the way he looked, he did not belong over there with those black guys. | ||
| And the black guy, I walk up to him, I'm like, Brian, what are you doing? | ||
| He's like, MDMA. And the black guy, he looks at me, he was like, he gave him the drugs, he's like, hurry up and get this motherfucker away from me. | ||
| I was like, okay. | ||
| So we get him away from him, and we go to my Jeep, and then my friend, he's talking shit to these black dudes, calling them all kinds of blah, blah, blahs. | ||
| And I'm like, what are you doing? | ||
| Shut the fuck up! | ||
| You're gonna get us killed! | ||
|
unidentified
|
And... | |
| The dudes came over and he was like, you're lucky y'all came out here to get him. | ||
| Because if he were to say one more fucking thing, we would have whipped his ass. | ||
| And he looked up and said, one more fucking thing. | ||
| Next thing I know, these dudes, next thing I know, his ass got knocked the fuck out. | ||
| I mean, I'm talking about knocked out to his nose in the ground. | ||
| Look like he's planking, right? | ||
| So these dudes that attacked him, I'm telling you, they was raised by their grandmother or someone sweet because they could have attacked us too. | ||
| They just got his ass. | ||
| They was like, y'all ain't doing nothing. | ||
| We're just going to beat his ass. | ||
| So we trying to pick him up, but we gave him a worse concussion because that dead weight was so heavy. | ||
| We pick him up. | ||
| He busts all his face open again. | ||
| So finally, we get some help. | ||
| We put him in a Jeep. | ||
| And after about 20 minutes, he wakes up. | ||
| He wakes up. | ||
| I had all my clothes in the back. | ||
| I got, like, my underwear wrapped around his bloody face. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, no. | |
| And he's like, what is this? | ||
| What is this? | ||
| We're like, you stupid motherfucker. | ||
| You got knocked out, you dumb bitch. | ||
| You could have got us killed. | ||
| And he said, who got knocked out? | ||
| I got knocked out? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, no. | |
| We're like, you know you got knocked the fuck out if you don't remember being knocked the fuck out. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It was, I'm like, it must have was worth it. | ||
| Probably not. | ||
| Probably that could have been avoided. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh no, he still had the fucking pills in him. | |
| Death clutch. | ||
| Buys alcohol. | ||
| That motherfucker ain't dropping out of one. | ||
| Oh god. | ||
| I'm like, alright. | ||
| Listen to this podcast so I can find out who that is. | ||
| Oh, not a problem. | ||
| You're gonna fucking die laughing, man. | ||
| I appreciate you very much. | ||
| And it's beautiful to see you succeed. | ||
| I'm very, very happy for you. | ||
| I think it's awesome. | ||
| I appreciate it. | ||
| This is one thing I could cross off my bucket list. | ||
| This was a dream come true being on the show. | ||
| Thank you for that. | ||
| My friend, congratulations. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes, sir. | |
| Thank you very much. | ||
| Bye, everybody. |
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