Sept. 27, 2022 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:36:29
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
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unidentified
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Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out! | |
| The Joe Rogan Experience. | ||
| Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day. | ||
| Ladies and gentlemen, David Attal. | ||
| Hey, Joe. | ||
| Thanks for having me on the show. | ||
| Good to see you, my brother. | ||
| I was telling your guys before you showed up, I was like, I'm hoping there's other guests besides me because I don't really think I'm interesting enough to hold the whole show. | ||
| We can do it. | ||
| You think so? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| All right, I believe in you. | ||
| I have zero worries. | ||
| I'm glad you brought your straw. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| And I'm also glad you brought your hobo sack. | ||
|
unidentified
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I'll show everybody. | |
| He's a comedy nomad. | ||
| That's how you travel, people. | ||
| That's all he brings. | ||
| Fresh underwear and socks. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| Let's go. | ||
| Good to be back in Texas. | ||
| Good to see you. | ||
| How was the Cap City? | ||
| Did you enjoy it? | ||
| It was awesome. | ||
| I mean, you and I back in the day played the old Cap City. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| And that was definitely an iconic club. | ||
| And this is the, I guess you can say the... | ||
| The reimagining of it. | ||
| This is the helium folks who do an amazing job. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| The helium folks are great. | ||
| They really are. | ||
| That fucking place in Philly is the shit. | ||
| The one in Portland is the shit. | ||
| All their clubs are fucking locked down. | ||
| They're all solid as a rock. | ||
| I totally agree with you. | ||
| And they put a lot of work into it. | ||
| And let's face it, this town, you know, people will come to a show. | ||
| They really are great comedy fans. | ||
| And I'm, like, so happy that Cap City's open, too. | ||
| I want as many clubs open as possible. | ||
| I think it's sustainable. | ||
| I think there's a giant comedy audience here. | ||
| People really love it. | ||
| They love live performance overall. | ||
| Like, there's a lot of live music that goes on here. | ||
| A lot of live comedy. | ||
| So we're happy. | ||
| Texas, I was going to say, like, Texas has always been, like, you know, on the road, like, Houston, Dallas. | ||
| Yeah, fun! | ||
| You know, San Antonio. | ||
| These were always, like, the hardcore, you know... | ||
| Comedy clubs, the definitely where you couldn't wait to get there kind of shows. | ||
| Yeah, the fun spots. | ||
| I used to love Addison. | ||
| That fucking improv was the shit. | ||
| Awesome. | ||
| It still is. | ||
| Still is the shit. | ||
| It's such a great club. | ||
| Do you remember the, what was it called, in Houston? | ||
| Laugh Stop. | ||
| The Laugh Stop. | ||
| That was the best. | ||
| That's where I learned to be a headliner. | ||
| That's what I always think. | ||
| That was the club where I really got it together and I was like, I can hold an hour, you know, right here, you know? | ||
| I did my first CD there. | ||
| Oh, you did? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Well, there you go, man. | ||
| Yeah, that place is magic. | ||
| That place was magic. | ||
| I heard that that spot is still there, which I was like, Jesus Christ, if that's the case, once we open up in Austin, I would love to open up a mothership in Houston. | ||
| Oh, absolutely, man. | ||
| If that place is still there, holy shit, that place is amazing. | ||
| Yeah, it's always been like, you know, I remember it was like me, Hedberg, and Patrice, like, we would all like rotate through there, and I was always like, if you ran into them like, oh man, I was just at the stop, I was like, oh, it must have been awesome, and you know, you'd be jealous, you know? | ||
| Crazy ass Mark Babbitt ran a hell of a club. | ||
| He really did. | ||
| A visionary. | ||
| Oh my god, he loved comedy. | ||
| That's all it takes. | ||
| It takes a crazy person that loves comedy, who's willing to like, go all out. | ||
| When the owner of the club, you know, or the manager gets it, you know? | ||
|
unidentified
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Yes. | |
| And then it's not just like a beer and beverage, you know? | ||
|
unidentified
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Right. | |
| This isn't a Dave& Buster's, this is like a real place, like where people do something special. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Then you can always tell. | ||
| It feels different, you know? | ||
| And he also had that long-running open mic they'd do in the front. | ||
|
unidentified
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Mm-hmm. | |
| You know, that front open mic was amazing. | ||
| You would get there at 8 o'clock, and the show would start, and then they'd start an open mic around the same time, and the open mic would go to fucking 2 o'clock in the morning. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Constantly rotating comics in there. | ||
| It was an exciting thing. | ||
| And when that place went under, it took a lot of the steam out of the scene. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| That's why your club, and you're real close now. | ||
| Real close, yeah. | ||
| Honestly, that's a game changer, especially for this town and for all of us road people. | ||
| I'm a club guy. | ||
| That's what I do. | ||
| I do clubs, so I can't wait to see it. | ||
| I can't wait to get on that stage, if I may. | ||
| You 100% would be one of the first people on that stage. | ||
| I'm going to put up the bat signal. | ||
| That would be awesome. | ||
| I'll send you in. | ||
| It's exciting to be able to do. | ||
| It's exciting to be able to do it with no stress, too. | ||
| To be able to do it the right way. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And just have an amazing club set up for comics and the audience. | ||
| And just make it so that we do our best in every corner. | ||
| Not fuck with people, appreciate them, treat them with respect. | ||
| Uh-oh, Mike's falling apart. | ||
| I'm good. | ||
| Appreciate them. | ||
| Treat them with respect. | ||
| Encourage people to work and give open mic nights. | ||
| Have things like that where you have plenty of time. | ||
| And kill Tony and that kind of shit. | ||
| Really encourage the community. | ||
| Definitely. | ||
| You know, when the club also supports the locals, it's not just like for the headliners. | ||
| That's when you know it's like a real deal situation because, you know, these local scenes, like I was just in Nashville, that scene is popping. | ||
| Here, of course, it's out of control. | ||
| And, you know, it's getting the locals, you know, on stage in front of a big crowd, you know, that's important. | ||
| Getting them on stage in front of me, giving them those spots, like the Kill Tony spots, and I've had a few of those guys like Hans Kim and William Montgomery and David Lucas, who started in LA, but he's out here now too, doing those shows with us there too, and they're exploding. | ||
| And there's also a lot of room for other clubs too. | ||
| There's a lot of room. | ||
| There's so many comics here, man. | ||
| Everybody who goes to these open mics out here, these guys who come, they go, dude, these kids are good. | ||
| They're good, and they're writing, and they're energized. | ||
| It's an exciting time. | ||
| And people are, like, really fired up about it. | ||
| And you see, like, a real clear path to being a professional, which was always weird for us. | ||
|
unidentified
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Right. | |
| Like, you remember the early days of Open Mic? | ||
| There was no help. | ||
| None. | ||
| It was strange. | ||
| I don't know about you, like, your, I guess, origin story, but, like, I had a job... | ||
| For, like, the first five or six years of comedy, and, like, I was such a bad comic that, like, I would sometimes go, like, oh, God, I can't wait to get back to my day job. | ||
| Oh, man, I can't wait to eat a muffin at my desk. | ||
| You know, it was like that kind of a thing. | ||
| So, yeah, I know what these people go through, and even though there's, like, all these platforming and all that stuff, it'll always be the same, like, you know, basically, you know, Whatever, I guess you could say the journey has many roads, many twists and turns. | ||
| The journey does, but at least this way, I think there's a map of the landscape now. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| Whereas when we started, you were hoping that someone would take you on the road, or you were hoping that you'd get a road gig. | ||
| You didn't know how to... | ||
| And you're doing five, ten minute spots in the beginning. | ||
| If you're lucky, you get ten minutes, right? | ||
| So then someone says, can you do 20? | ||
| And you're like, yes, but you really can't. | ||
| Right, of course, yeah. | ||
| So it's like you're opening in a bar with at least 10 bullshit minutes. | ||
| And when you're in a town like I started in New York, Long Island, all that stuff, there was a lot of open mics. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah! | |
| I was lucky where you can go to one place, bomb, and then skid mark your way over to the next one and suffer there and then the next one. | ||
| So you got a whole night of sadness, whereas some kids, especially West Coast, it's like, oh, I got a spot, one a week, and then they got to live with that kind of trauma for a whole week. | ||
| It's better there now. | ||
| It's better there now for the LA guys. | ||
| You can actually develop in LA now. | ||
| But in the early 2000s and the 90s, it was real hard. | ||
| You couldn't get spots. | ||
| Everybody was getting spots, like TV stars and actors and stuff were getting spots. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What year did you start? | ||
| In the late 80s, at the end of the comedy boom. | ||
| Me too. | ||
| I started in 88. Yeah. | ||
| I was like 87, and I remember comedy had just died, because I worked the door at the Old Improv in New York. | ||
| That was one of the original comedy clubs. | ||
| And honestly, it was weird to be a doorman to no audience. | ||
| You know, you basically hold the door open, there's a guy out there, oh no, he's just... | ||
| Was it a difference? | ||
| Was there a big drop-off in New York? | ||
| I think that the comedy boom, like what you saw in Boston... | ||
| Where every place was doing comedy shows, and there were so many great locals, just like hardcore killer acts. | ||
| New York, that kind of didn't really... | ||
| It dissipated, and then it kind of faded out, and a lot of these clubs kind of went down, and then we were just basically... | ||
| Hanging on, just learning to do comedy. | ||
| So it was like, we didn't care. | ||
| If it was a big room, we still would have suffered. | ||
| But still, the fact that there was only 12 people in there, it almost kind of fit where we were in comedy. | ||
| I remember those days at Dangerfields. | ||
| Did you do Dangerfields? | ||
| Yes, I did. | ||
| Those are the best. | ||
| Those shows where there was no one in the audience. | ||
| I used to call that club the humbler. | ||
| If you ever thought you were doing alright, you go in there and they take you right back to reality. | ||
| Do you remember Bobby? | ||
| The big Scottish guy that worked the door? | ||
| Yes, I do. | ||
| Yeah, I do. | ||
| I saw Bobby pick a man up by his neck. | ||
| Bobby would make his own weights. | ||
| He would fill up these 10-gallon jugs with cement. | ||
| He would make his own weights. | ||
| Oh, cool. | ||
| He did a lot of wild shit. | ||
| Bobby was this tank of a man. | ||
| It was a small club with a lot of big people in it. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| It was tiny. | ||
| It was like an elevator, basically. | ||
| It was an amazing place. | ||
| And then they had that big piano in there. | ||
| I was like, you know, where am I supposed to... | ||
| I don't play the piano. | ||
| What am I supposed to do? | ||
| You had to have a piano if you had class back there. | ||
| Sure, just in case. | ||
|
unidentified
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Class. | |
| This is a fucking real club. | ||
| The improv used to have that problem. | ||
| I'm like, why do we have a piano up here? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I would always say that to Rita. | ||
| I'm like, Rita, look at me. | ||
| No one's playing a fucking piano. | ||
| Craig can bring his own piano. | ||
| He brings a piano sometimes. | ||
| Robinson wants to go up. | ||
| What I always like with the improv piano, it's like, you can tell who was raised right, who puts their drink on the piano. | ||
| Like, uh-oh! | ||
| You're gonna leave a ring! | ||
| It's probably an expensive piano. | ||
| Yeah, I don't know who uses it, but they got it there. | ||
| Yeah, I like that club too, the Melrose Improv. | ||
| I always felt really at home there. | ||
| It's a great club. | ||
| That club's great. | ||
| That was my spot after I left the store in 2007. I was at the Improv all the time. | ||
| It was great. | ||
| That and the Ice House. | ||
| Yeah, the Ice House I only played a couple times. | ||
| Oh my god, it's magic. | ||
| That room's magic. | ||
| The Ice House is one of the most underrated clubs in the country. | ||
| That's such a good room. | ||
| The big room, when it's packed, oh my god. | ||
| That room's amazing. | ||
| Do you, like, you know, you got a family and everything. | ||
| Do you still, like, having the time to go out every night and, like, you know, work on an act? | ||
| Well, my kids are young, so they go to bed right after the time I'm leaving. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Which is nice. | ||
| So, like, I'm leaving, like, an hour before they go to bed. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| So there's a benefit in that, and the store was even better, because at the store, most of my spots were after 10. So I was leaving, like, they were well asleep. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But I'm leaving the house. | ||
| And it's like, I could come home, too, and write when no one's awake. | ||
| Oh, that's good. | ||
| Which, for me, is come home, spark up a little, sit in front of the computer, and just sit there and just think. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| When everyone's asleep and the world's quiet, like, that's my favorite time to write. | ||
| You know, during the, you know, when everything was shut down, you know? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, the scariest thing was, like, I miss being on the road, you know? | ||
| I miss being out there, like, you know, headlining and all that stuff, too. | ||
| But what I really miss was, like, going to the Comedy Cellar in New York and going on and doing the spot. | ||
| And whatever version of comedy they had, the outside, the behind the place, of course I did it. | ||
| But then there were times when everything was shut, and I was like, uh-oh, I'm starting to get used to not going out. | ||
| And I got really scared. | ||
| It was like one of those, like, where you're like... | ||
| Maybe I don't need to go out anymore. | ||
| I've been doing this a long time. | ||
| I'm an old guy. | ||
| Ron White went through that. | ||
| Did he? | ||
| Okay. | ||
| I love Ron. | ||
| Ron was out here and we hadn't done shows together in... | ||
| It was like at least a year for me... | ||
| It was around eight months of no comedy at all in L.A. And we had just started doing these outdoor shows with Chappelle. | ||
| So I knew I had to freshen up, so I started doing shows at the Vulcan. | ||
| And Ron was going to do Tony's show at the Vulcan, and he's like, well, I think I'm retired. | ||
|
unidentified
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I think I'm going to take my boat and I'm going to fucking play golf and fuck it. | |
| I made a lot of money and I'm fine. | ||
| I'm fine with retiring. | ||
| So Tony goes, well, just do like one show. | ||
| If you want to, you can go do a set. | ||
| No pressure. | ||
| He's like, alright, man. | ||
| I'll fucking think about it. | ||
| I think I'm fucking retired. | ||
| The next day, he's like, so did you think about it? | ||
| He goes, yeah, I'm prepared. | ||
| Let's go. | ||
| I'm going to do a set. | ||
| So he goes up and fucking murders. | ||
| So Tony talks to his girlfriend and Ron had gone over his iPad. | ||
| He was fucking going over notes and listening to old recordings, taking notes. | ||
| He went up there, guns blazing. | ||
| And Ron White crushed. | ||
| And then he gets off stage, he grabs me by my shoulders. | ||
|
unidentified
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He goes, whatever the fuck we have to do, we're going to keep doing this. | |
| He goes, whatever the fuck we have to do, get your fucking club open. | ||
| Let's go, Joe Rogan. | ||
| I'm like, God damn, Ron White. | ||
| I love Ron, man. | ||
| You know, he's like one of the few guys I know who is successful and really enjoys it. | ||
| He loves it. | ||
| He loves it. | ||
| He's great. | ||
| He's always writing, too, man. | ||
| He's always working on new shit. | ||
| He comes down. | ||
| We do those Tuesday and Wednesday shows at Vulcan. | ||
| He's always coming down and working on new shit. | ||
| Yeah, he doesn't have to do any of that. | ||
| He's got this new bit that murders. | ||
| I'm sorry. | ||
| He doesn't have to do any of that stuff. | ||
| It's just he loves the game. | ||
| Well, you don't have to do it either, but you do it. | ||
| It's the same thing, man. | ||
| It's like these guys who just love the thing, the stand-up, the fucking thing. | ||
| When you're set up, punchline, boom, you wrote it. | ||
| Now you're making it better. | ||
| It's killing. | ||
| It's like, this is my new chunk. | ||
| Like, woo! | ||
| I don't know if you've seen me lately. | ||
| That's very kind of you. | ||
| Yeah, no, I would say that I'm in that moment now where it's like, my crowd is so good. | ||
| The people who've been coming to see me for years now, they are so good all the different ways you want them. | ||
| They love jokes. | ||
| There's no line for them. | ||
| They don't want it. | ||
| They don't want it dumbed down. | ||
| They know I don't pick sides. | ||
| And they know that it's about the joke and that I'm trying to bring them new material every time. | ||
| And they drink and they tip hard and they're good to the staff. | ||
| So what more can I answer? | ||
| That's the best. | ||
| I'm a lucky guy. | ||
| I'm very lucky. | ||
| And anybody who works with me, they always say the same thing. | ||
| They go, Dave, your crowd is awesome. | ||
|
unidentified
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That's beautiful. | |
| It's a great compliment. | ||
| Well, it's because you're doing all the right things. | ||
| You're doing comedy just for comedy. | ||
| You're just having fun. | ||
| And some of us fell apart. | ||
| Some of us fell apart in this wonderful world of what's okay to talk about, what's not okay to talk about, what's a joke, and what's not acceptable. | ||
| It's like, come on. | ||
| It seems like you and I have both done the West East Coast kind of like you do your show on the road and you're like, there is no wrong. | ||
| And then you hit like a showcase show like New York or whatever. | ||
| And I'm old. | ||
| I mean, I'm 57 years old and I am so I never try and be relevant. | ||
| But irrelevant is the word. | ||
| Like, they kind of go up there. | ||
| It looks like I'm about to lead, like, a ghost hunting tour, you know? | ||
| They're, like, terrified. | ||
| But, like, the moans and the groans and all that kind of stuff, I'm kind of getting used to it. | ||
| You know, the choppy sea, as I call it. | ||
| You know, the little, like, whimpers and, like, you know, cries of foul play. | ||
| I mean, it's like, okay, that's how you guys react. | ||
| I gotta just deal with that. | ||
| But it's nothing like them back in the day when you knew immediately when you... | ||
| I mean, there's not a plate of chicken wings coming at you. | ||
| It's like, I mean, let's take it for what it is. | ||
| For people who've done those prom shows at Dangerfields. | ||
| Yeah, well, that's the thing. | ||
| It's like, you know, the reaction is different. | ||
| But I would say the, and this probably scares you too, is the cold silence of a young crowd. | ||
| You know, where they just basically, you can see it in their head. | ||
| They're buffering. | ||
| They're trying to figure out how to react. | ||
| It's interesting because there's a way to navigate those waters, right? | ||
| But these are definitely new waters. | ||
| And if you want to bring up controversial material, there's certain people that aren't even going to listen to what you're saying. | ||
| They won't listen to what you're saying. | ||
| What they want to do is just immediately react to a subject and bark. | ||
| Right. | ||
| They immediately want to, like, state their position on this subject and bark. | ||
| So you've hit, like, political or cultural hot points, and you can't even have a take on them that's humorous. | ||
| They won't allow that because they feel like they're an activist. | ||
| That's the problem. | ||
| I know what you're talking about, and, like, I'm always, like, you know, it's the joke. | ||
| And, like, I really, you know, put a lot of time into material. | ||
| So, like, anybody who knows me is, like, I check a joke. | ||
| I want to make sure that, like, I'm doing it, you know, it's my joke. | ||
| You've called me several times. | ||
| Yeah, I have, right? | ||
| Right. | ||
| That's a weird call, isn't it? | ||
| No, it's a good call. | ||
| It's a good call because it's a call from an artist. | ||
| You know, you're like, hey, this seemed like it came to me too easy. | ||
| Have you heard this? | ||
| But my friends, you know, I include you in this group, always go like, you know, your calls are almost cryptic. | ||
| Like, do you say antelope in a joke? | ||
| Do you have a joke that ends with Froot Loops? | ||
| I'm like, who is this? | ||
| You know, that kind of thing. | ||
| It's so funny because Santino called me up the other day in a frenzy. | ||
| He's like, do you have a joke on this? | ||
| I feel like you have a joke on this. | ||
| I had a nightmare that you had a joke on this in one of your old specials. | ||
| I go, nope, definitely don't. | ||
| I definitely don't. | ||
| If I do, I forgot it. | ||
| It's fair play. | ||
| Luckily, there's all these super fans now where they start quoting your old material after you. | ||
| I'm like, who is that guy? | ||
| Oh, that's me. | ||
| Oh, I forgot. | ||
| I know someone will bring up a joke and I don't even know how it goes. | ||
| Because I have to abandon them. | ||
| We all have to abandon them. | ||
| Do you smoke cigars? | ||
| No, that was my dad's thing. | ||
| I'm on these American spirits. | ||
| Those are good. | ||
| Those are healthy. | ||
| Are they? | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| But, you know, you've been cool with that because I know when people get the call sometimes they get all like, why are you asking me this? | ||
| And I'm like, I'm just trying to check the joke. | ||
| No, man, everybody does that. | ||
| If you don't do that, then maybe you've never had an idea that came to you that's weird. | ||
| Like, sometimes an idea will come to you, it's like, is that, no one's thought that already? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Too easy. | ||
| A too easy joke. | ||
| Sometimes they're too easy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you don't know, man, because, like, there's shit that you might have heard when you had been doing comedy for six months and you completely forgot about it. | ||
| And then all of a sudden it pops in your head as if it's yours. | ||
| And you're like, oh, shit. | ||
| And then you also have to, because there's so many different ways to stream and platform that now it's like, oh, you know, is this a joke? | ||
| You know, like, is this one cool? | ||
| Or did someone already TikTok this idea? | ||
| Or that, you know, like, what's going on? | ||
| Is somebody memeing? | ||
| Sorry, I don't even know the terms. | ||
| So that's the point of like, it's hard and harder to check material all the time. | ||
| Yeah, but it's kind of fun. | ||
| It's part of the fun of it all. | ||
| It is a fun way to make a living, goddammit. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| And I always, you know, since I have very few marketable skills, you know, it's cool to have one where you have some control over your, you know, destiny, situation, all that kind of stuff. | ||
| You've managed to avoid all the pitfalls of social media. | ||
| No, I'm not into it. | ||
| I kind of rock with a flip phone. | ||
| I got someone who does that for me, and I answer every message I can. | ||
| I just don't... | ||
| I mean, I give you a lot of credit for what you do. | ||
| Doing this every day for hours on end, that's tough. | ||
| That's really tough, and it's hard to get up for that show. | ||
| Dude, it's easy. | ||
| Coal mining's tough. | ||
| Yeah, this is easy as fuck. | ||
| I'm talking to people like you. | ||
| How hard is that? | ||
| I'm the luckiest guy in life. | ||
| I get to talk to some of the coolest fucks that have ever lived. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| It's so fun. | ||
| You gotta give a lot of yourself for that. | ||
| I'm not really like, you know, like, I have trouble talking about myself and I like talking about comedy and like, you know, we were talking about this outside in the hall about like, there's a lot of dead friends of ours, you know, out there and stuff like that. | ||
| And, you know, if I could bring one up would be cool. | ||
| Gilbert, you know, who I was there when he went down, you know, Jeff Ross and I were both really close friends of the family and Gilbert. | ||
| And we had both been there, like, day of. | ||
| And I was there in the morning when he went down. | ||
| And I was thinking, like, you know, here's a guy who generationally, like, since the 80s, you know, has been famous, infamous, famous, all that kind of stuff. | ||
| And we all knew him in the comedy world, like, what he was about, or at least I did. | ||
| You know, I was always a huge fan of his. | ||
| He always made me laugh. | ||
| Always made me laugh. | ||
| And it's great when you get a guy that you know and he makes you laugh. | ||
| And I was like, you know... | ||
| Social media for him was easy. | ||
| Like, he loved it. | ||
| He loved cameo. | ||
| He was like the biggest cameo guy in the world. | ||
| Like, he's huge. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Happy birthday! | |
| Yeah. | ||
| You cock sucker. | ||
| I hope your anniversary. | ||
| You know, like, just these, like a troll sending out, you know, like, riddles. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| But like, he loved it. | ||
| He loved it. | ||
| And it's like, it's amazing how like, you know, here's a guy who's older than me, but he somehow took to it and it worked for him, you know? | ||
| It just naturally fit his personality. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| He was a funny fucking dude, man. | ||
| I was so happy to get him in here and get a chance to talk to him. | ||
| You know, I guess I never really had that much time talking to them. | ||
| I was just like saying hi at a club here or there, but to sit down. | ||
| That's the thing about like a podcast that's different than any other kind of conversation. | ||
| You get to really know someone over hours and hours of time just shooting the shit about stuff. | ||
| True. | ||
| It's like how often do we get a chance to do, like some of the best conversations I've ever had with my friends have been public. | ||
| Everything has... | ||
| We're all different places, different times, all that kind of stuff. | ||
| But with Gilbert, I was going to say that, you know, here's a guy who, like, when I would go, hey, you're in town. | ||
| Come down to the Comedy Cellar and do a set, or I'll bring you on stage and we'll, like, do, like, a little something, you know? | ||
| And, like, you know, Jeff and I always loved, like, working with him. | ||
| You know, he's always so much fun. | ||
| But, like... | ||
| He was like, no. | ||
| Why would I do that? | ||
| I was just in Poughkeepsie, New York. | ||
| I don't need to go up in front of strangers. | ||
| He was like, the job was the job. | ||
| And then he did his other thing. | ||
| So I kind of respected that about him, too. | ||
| But he also did Cameo. | ||
| No, he loved Cameo. | ||
| So he's a complicated man. | ||
| He really was. | ||
| I'm sure the flag was that half-staff at Cameo when he went down. | ||
| I bet. | ||
| Cameos are odd. | ||
| I go to watch people's Cameos sometimes. | ||
| You know what's the saddest? | ||
| When they flub it and they don't redo it. | ||
| Come on, man. | ||
| It's really good how, like, you know, being older, like, you're like, I wonder what these surviving cast members of Magnum Piaria are up to. | ||
| I guess I can look on Cameo and see which ones are available for a happy birthday message. | ||
| What a weird thing. | ||
| People love it. | ||
| You get famous people to wish you happy birthday. | ||
| Who's the number one person on Cameo, young Jamie? | ||
| If you had to guess. | ||
| Is it... | ||
| I bet it's still Gilbert. | ||
| Was Gilbert really number one? | ||
| I think he was. | ||
| I know who it is now, I think. | ||
| At least for a while, those Island Boys took over for a minute. | ||
| Those guys that went viral online. | ||
| Are they still around? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Because of that. | |
| It's really working still? | ||
| I think. | ||
| I hope they stay around forever. | ||
| I hope them, they get together with that girl, the Catch Me Outside girl, and they make super babies. | ||
| Yeah, she definitely would be a hit. | ||
| Super influencer babies. | ||
| It's funny when people become successful like that for no fucking reason and people get mad. | ||
| Like, what the fuck? | ||
| Why are you mad? | ||
| Like, look at this. | ||
| It's ridiculous. | ||
| It's fun. | ||
| The top earners are kind of a surprise. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's Kevin from The Office. | |
| Put that shit up. | ||
| Really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| What do we got? | ||
| That's Brian Baumgartner's name. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| Is he really good at it or something? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| Huh. | ||
| Click on the thing? | ||
| You got a whole day's worth of great- So that dude? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Wow. | ||
| Good for him. | ||
| At least at this time, which was November 21. Cost of business is 2,600 bucks. | ||
| Damn, you could rack up some numbers. | ||
| Yeah, really. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It was Gilbert. | |
| He was up there. | ||
| Yeah, Gilbert would do like 10 a day. | ||
| I mean, if not more, you know? | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's a lot of money, man. | |
| Michael Rappaport's in there? | ||
| How many is Rappaport doing? | ||
| How much does it cost to get Rappaport to talk shit to you? | ||
| 200 bucks. | ||
| Damn, that's a good deal. | ||
| So anybody gets to pick the number? | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's Carole Baskin. | |
| She's on it? | ||
| Joe Exotic should be on if she's on it. | ||
| Where's your husband? | ||
| Where's your husband, lady? | ||
| Yeah, I gotta learn to like make some money online or something like that. | ||
| Imagine that. | ||
| Did she really, if, let's just say if, we're not alleging anything, but if she really did feed her husband to a tiger, and you can get her to wish you a happy birthday, that is fucking hilarious. | ||
| That's how I want to go too, is food. | ||
| I think that's a great way to go out. | ||
| It is kind of weird that we kind of cheat on the food pyramid thing, because we embalm ourselves so we don't rot, so nothing can eat us. | ||
| It's a dirty trick. | ||
| Like the alligator pit would be kind of fun, don't you think? | ||
| When your body's done, just have a little celebration, throw you in a pit full of alligators? | ||
| Because they have zero respect. | ||
| You know, the way they roll, you know how they kill, they roll. | ||
| That would be just seeing myself twerking around like that. | ||
| Jamie, did I show you the video of the crocodile that's swimming with a body in its mouth? | ||
| A human body in its mouth? | ||
| Did I send that to you? | ||
| This one's rough. | ||
| Someone sent this to me on Instagram. | ||
| It's a crocodile. | ||
| And it's swimming up to this boat. | ||
| And it sounds like they're from Australia or South Africa. | ||
| It's hard to tell. | ||
| Because I'm not good at accents. | ||
| But they're trying to figure out what it is, and then they realize it's a human. | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| Oh, dude, it's rough. | ||
| It's rough. | ||
| I'm going to try to find it. | ||
| Okay, this is the kind of stuff. | ||
| This is it. | ||
| I'm waiting for the video to load. | ||
| Could be it. | ||
| Could be it. | ||
| Yeah, that's a crocodile, right? | ||
| Oh, there it is on there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, that's not it. | |
| No, that's not it. | ||
| That looks... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, I think they're just showing croc videos. | |
| They're not going to show the video? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't think so. | |
| Let's see. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| This guy's fighting him off with his... | ||
| I guarantee you I have it in here. | ||
| If you just give me one second, I'll find it. | ||
| Extremely graphic footage. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hear this? | |
| Is this it? | ||
| No, that's another one. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh no. | |
| That's another one with a body... | ||
| Yeah, this was from a month ago. | ||
| I've seen that one too. | ||
| Bro, seriously. | ||
| Oh, Jesus. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, that's it. | ||
| That's the one. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| So look at that. | ||
| Bro, that is fucking rough. | ||
| He de-pantsed them, too. | ||
| That is fucking rough. | ||
| By the arm. | ||
| That is rough. | ||
| And it looks like the crocodile wants everybody to see it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That's what's most fucked up. | ||
| It looks like it's swimming over. | ||
| It wants everyone to see that it killed a person. | ||
| Now, how much is that crocodile's cameo? | ||
| I just want you to look at that, how crazy that is. | ||
| That is pretty... | ||
| That we accept the fact that monsters live near us. | ||
| That we're cool with that. | ||
| Like, why are we cool with that? | ||
| What the fuck is wrong with us? | ||
| I think it puts us kind of in our place a little bit. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Yeah, is that necessary? | ||
| I get it. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't think we should keep those things around. | ||
| Everybody thinks we should keep them around. | ||
| Like, I think shoot them in the fucking head and turn them into shoes. | ||
| You're out of your fucking mind. | ||
| Those things eat people. | ||
| Like, we're just so far removed from nature that we think that, and I'm not advocating. | ||
| Honestly, I'm joking around. | ||
| I'm not advocating for the elimination of all crocodiles. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But the fact that people are really comfortable being around them just blows my mind. | ||
| Florida's having more and more alligator attacks every year. | ||
| Is that true? | ||
| I might have made that up. | ||
| But I think there's been a number this year in Florida. | ||
| Well, that's one of my favorite shows where the guys get to go out and cull the herd. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| That's really cool. | ||
| The way they do that, man. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| And they're doing it now with the pythons because that's another invasive species. | ||
| That shows swamp people, right? | ||
| What is this? | ||
| Alligator attacks do happen in Florida, but not at an alarming rate. | ||
| One is an alarming rate. | ||
| If one person gets killed by a werewolf, if one a year gets killed by a werewolf, that's fucking alarming. | ||
| That's not what that guy thought. | ||
|
unidentified
|
There's only an average of six a year, I feel like. | |
| But I think this year there was a few. | ||
| I think a few people died this year. | ||
| How many people died from alligator attacks in 2022? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Just Google that real quick. | |
| I'm gonna guess. | ||
| I think it's six. | ||
| I think six people have died from alligator attacks. | ||
| No, that's nothing. | ||
| What about drunk driving? | ||
| What about Oxycontin? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah, that too. | ||
| That too. | ||
| But fucking also alligators. | ||
| Four so far. | ||
| Four. | ||
| How many have just fucking disappeared? | ||
| How many homeless folks just vanished? | ||
| One of my favorite stories was a guy stole a car and the cops were chasing him and he jumps out of the car on a bridge and jumps in the water and lands right on an alligator and gets killed right in front of the cops. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| That's great. | ||
| He just landed, boom, right where the alligator was. | ||
| Just snaps him up like right away. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| You've been in New York lately or no? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Yeah, we got our own little thing going on over there now. | ||
| What's going on? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It's kind of like a... | ||
| You know, it's like a little bit of mayhem. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Like, especially the street people, like, pretty aggressive. | ||
| And, you know, it does feel like... | ||
| Like homeless folks are aggressive? | ||
| Yeah, just like, you know, there's a lot of, you know, psychosis out there. | ||
| There's a lot of whatever's going on, a lot of aggressive panhandling, a lot of just like, I can do whatever I want whenever I want going on. | ||
| So it's kind of old school New York, like more like in the 70s, 80s than it is. | ||
| And it's filthy. | ||
| You know, it is that kind of like, It's like Gotham without Batman. | ||
| That's really what it is. | ||
| It's just pretty much out of control. | ||
| But you definitely see rats. | ||
| Have you ever seen a tornado of rats? | ||
| I've seen a lot of rats before. | ||
| I was walking from the Comedy Cellar up towards Washington Square Park late at night. | ||
| And just like a bag of garbage like... | ||
| And then it was just like a circle of rats. | ||
| I was like, oh, this is like the end of days, like right here. | ||
| I was like, holy shit. | ||
| It's just like a sign. | ||
| I was like, I couldn't believe it. | ||
| I parked at this gas station once in the 90s back when you had to use payphones. | ||
| So I pulled into the gas station, started pumping my gas, and I go over to use the payphone. | ||
| And as I'm using the payphone, I'm watching rats jump on my wheel and crawl up into my car. | ||
| And you drove that car? | ||
| I had to. | ||
| What am I gonna do? | ||
| Oh shit. | ||
| I'm like, what the fuck do you do? | ||
| That's brave. | ||
| I felt like if I started up, they would jump out. | ||
| I mean, like, what the fuck are they looking for? | ||
| It's like they're looking for food or something. | ||
| They're looking for a hole to get into the car and find food. | ||
| Was it cold? | ||
| No. | ||
| Because they go under the engine, they say, under the engine block to warm up. | ||
| They're really smart. | ||
| They're so smart. | ||
| Have you seen that, Joe, the Rats documentary on Netflix? | ||
| No. | ||
| Oh my god, you have to see it. | ||
| It's incredible. | ||
| I'm always afraid they're going to swim up the toilet because that happened one time, though. | ||
| That probably happened one time. | ||
| One werewolf. | ||
| I'm staying out of the woods. | ||
| Fuck that, dude. | ||
| There was the documentary. | ||
| It shows all the diseases that they carry. | ||
| Like, there's rats out there right now that have the plague. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They're around people. | ||
| They caught some in Georgia, and they ran some studies on them. | ||
| They found all kinds of crazy diseases in these things. | ||
| But you know Naked and Afraid? | ||
| You know those guys? | ||
| Those guys, like they have the two guys. | ||
| They have the hunter guy and then they have the other guy who's the scrounger. | ||
| You know, he's just the scavenger guy. | ||
| And he would eat that. | ||
| He would eat it. | ||
| He'd figure out a way to like de-plague it and like skin it and like just eat it. | ||
| Eat a rat? | ||
| Yeah, he's awesome the way he does his stuff. | ||
| You can eat a rat. | ||
| You just have to cook it to like 167 degrees. | ||
| That's what kills trichinosis. | ||
| That's the most dangerous one. | ||
| But even that doesn't kill you. | ||
| There's all sorts of other shit that could be carried in those things though. | ||
| Like someone ate... | ||
| Burbot liver and they got the bubonic plague. | ||
| I think it was like a traditional dish in whatever country they're from and they ate, find that out. | ||
| Eat burbot. | ||
| B-U-R-B-O-T. It's like some weird mammal. | ||
| And they ate its liver. | ||
| And they got the plague. | ||
| Classic. | ||
| Yeah, it's just like, what the fuck, man? | ||
| Like, rats are around people all day long in numbers that are, like, they think that the physical size of the rat population, in terms of, like, their biological mass, their weight, is the same as people. | ||
| Wow, you mean all the people to all the rats? | ||
| Yes, all the people and all the rats. | ||
| Marmot. | ||
| Yeah, marmot meat. | ||
| He ate raw marmot meat. | ||
| So a Mongolian couple died from bubonic plague in 2019. Wow. | ||
| Sparking a quarantine that trapped tourists for days. | ||
| Yeah, see? | ||
| So marmot is like a little gopher looking thing. | ||
| Oh, okay, that's a different story. | ||
| So they ate this thing and they got the fucking plague. | ||
| I think it was, wasn't it raw? | ||
| In New York? | ||
| Yeah, they eat raw marmot meat. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Bro! | ||
| In New York, you know the dog park? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| There was a rat in the middle, and all the dogs were trying to be dogs. | ||
| They're trying to attack them. | ||
| But you could tell they already had been too metro, that they really didn't know what to do. | ||
| They were like, my assistant will do this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know? | |
| Something like that. | ||
| We'll send a smaller dog in there. | ||
| Have you ever seen the video of the rat killing the pigeon? | ||
| I love that one! | ||
| Oh, that's a great one, isn't it? | ||
| Oh, man. | ||
| I didn't know they hunted. | ||
| Oh, God. | ||
| They're so good. | ||
| I just assumed they killed things that were already dead. | ||
| I didn't know they killed things, too. | ||
| Some people keep them as pets. | ||
| Yeah, that's the one I'm talking about. | ||
| That's an eye-opener. | ||
| This is great. | ||
| The thing about that rat, too, when a rat is that fucking brazen, a lot of times that's a rat that has toxoplasmosis. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Dude, most definitely. | ||
| Look at him outgunned, outnumbered. | ||
| He's still holding. | ||
| He's bouncing around in the middle. | ||
| He's not running to hide. | ||
| He's kind of like hanging out in the middle. | ||
| He could have been injured a little bit there too. | ||
| He could have been. | ||
| This is kind of like a peewee football where you want your dog to go in and make the kill. | ||
| All those dogs are going to the vet afterwards. | ||
| They're getting multiple shots. | ||
| You guys fucked up. | ||
| They're all New York dogs too. | ||
| They're like, oh my god, I'm traumatized. | ||
| Oh my god, they're going to have therapy. | ||
| They're going to have so many shots. | ||
| You have to get rabies shots. | ||
| You have to get everything. | ||
| I loved when I went to your old house out in LA, right? | ||
| The dogs you had. | ||
| Those big, big dogs. | ||
| Which ones? | ||
| The pit bulls? | ||
| The ones that were outside. | ||
| Was it the pit bulls or was it the mastiff that I had? | ||
| The mastiff. | ||
| Yeah, the mastiff was a sweetie. | ||
| He was the best. | ||
| That was Johnny Cash. | ||
| He was so sweet. | ||
| I love that dog. | ||
| He was so sweet. | ||
| Those dogs, man. | ||
| The big dogs, when they get older, it's rough on them, man. | ||
| I used to have to carry him to take him to the bathroom. | ||
| He couldn't walk anymore. | ||
| How long did he... | ||
| He lived to be 13, which is old for a really big dog. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| But it's so sad, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You have them from the time they're a puppy, and then all of a sudden they're 13 and they can't walk, and you're just a little boy. | ||
| You're my little buddy, and you're 13. He was like 140 pounds. | ||
| I used to have to carry him outside. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| I used to pick him up, take him outside to go to the bathroom. | ||
| Yeah, but you gave him a great life, though. | ||
| I mean, what an awesome setup you had for him. | ||
| It was a good yard. | ||
| He was a smart dog, too. | ||
| He was the one, but he got honey-potted into killing chickens by a coyote. | ||
| Did you ever tell you this story? | ||
| No. | ||
| He was really big, you know, so he was a very strong dog. | ||
| And so, like, chicken wire that kept coyotes out, that didn't keep him out. | ||
| He just didn't go in there because he didn't know that you can kill chickens. | ||
| So one day the pool guy had accidentally left the gate open that led to this other part where the pool is and where the chicken coop was. | ||
| And so this fucking coyote was teaching him to be his friend. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| And the coyote was like, come to the fence. | ||
| Like, I'm your friend. | ||
| And he was friendly. | ||
| He was like, oh, you're my friend. | ||
| He just thought it was a dog, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then we had this chicken that was brooding. | ||
| I don't know if you know what brooding is. | ||
| No. | ||
| But when a chicken thinks that it has to raise an egg, even though the egg hasn't been fertilized, it's called brooding, they get kind of crazy. | ||
| And they pick at their feathers, and then they sit on an egg, and they just insist that this egg, even though it's not fertilized, is going to become a chicken. | ||
| But it's a real egg there. | ||
| It's a real egg. | ||
| They lay an egg, but something goes bonkers in their brain. | ||
| And they have to go through this whole cycle of when the chick would be born, before they shake out of it. | ||
| Or you take them and you isolate them in a smaller pen. | ||
| So I took them and I isolate them and you put them on this post where they have to stand up. | ||
| And if they have to stand up, then they can't brood because they can't sit on that thing. | ||
| They put their feathers out and shit. | ||
| It gets rough. | ||
| So we had this one chicken that was separated. | ||
| And so the coyote convinced Johnny to destroy the chicken coop. | ||
| Uh-huh. | ||
| So I don't know how it did it, man. | ||
| But all of a sudden, like, he never did that before, but he just destroys this thing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's huge. | |
| Just pulls it apart. | ||
| And then I'm with my kids and my wife, and we're playing some board game. | ||
| And so we're sitting there in the living room, we're playing like Uno or some shit. | ||
| And then I see this coyote leapfrog over the fence with a chicken in his mouth. | ||
| It was amazing. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| It was so graceful. | ||
| Like, we had this, like, six-foot-high wrought-iron fence. | ||
| It just went like this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bing! | |
| To the top of the fence. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Boing! | |
| And then over it. | ||
| Like, it was nothing. | ||
| Like, it was nothing. | ||
| And talk about, like, your dog to a coyote. | ||
| A coyote weighs, like, what, 50 pounds? | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| Not even that, I think. | ||
| And it just carried that chicken like it was nothing. | ||
| But it convinced my dog... | ||
| To smash open this thing. | ||
| So then my pool guy fucks up again and leaves the gate open. | ||
| So Johnny decides, I'm just going to go in the big chicken coop. | ||
| So he just smashes a hole in the big chicken coop and goes on a massacre and kills nine chickens. | ||
| So I see it outside from my bathroom. | ||
| I'm like, fuck! | ||
| I run out there and I have to go through the hole that he created and I grab him and drag him out. | ||
| Man, that must have activated something deep in the back of his brain when he got that chicken blood in him. | ||
| I'm getting hard. | ||
| Well, the coyote just convinced him, like, why aren't you killing these chickens? | ||
| He's like, why aren't I killing these chickens? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| And then all of a sudden, he's killing chickens. | ||
| You know the big dog. | ||
| So your dog is not the dog that they have, like, in the Russian prisons, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Well, I don't know what ones they use. | ||
| It's the wolf something. | ||
| The wolf hound. | ||
| Oh, I've seen that. | ||
| Whatever that is. | ||
| That big crazy hairy thing. | ||
| Yeah, like it lives and it dies outside. | ||
| It's like basically, you know, it's like an outdoor dog. | ||
| You never bring it inside. | ||
| And when they do, they bring it in. | ||
| They shuffle the prisoners around. | ||
| They're just barking and growling at them the whole time. | ||
| That thing looks terrifying. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It looks like something from The Hobbit. | ||
| It is like, yeah, like you would see like a battle dwarf riding it. | ||
| Aren't they like fucking 200 pounds too? | ||
|
unidentified
|
They're huge. | |
| Easily, easily. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| I don't know what it is. | ||
| It's not Australian, right? | ||
| No. | ||
| No, it's Russian. | ||
| It's a Russian. | ||
| It's their dog. | ||
| It's like crazy big. | ||
| Just Google Russian werewolf dog. | ||
| It's the one they use in their like Supermax lockdowns. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| Like in Stranger Things. | ||
| Did they have those in Stranger Things? | ||
| No, they didn't. | ||
| They had German Shepherds. | ||
| They probably can't use those things. | ||
| They probably can't train them. | ||
| In New York, it became really cool to have a big dog again, and I think that's cruel. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I typed in Russian Wolfhound. | |
| That's not it. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| That dog you would only see in an art gallery. | ||
| Try Russian Werewolf Dog. | ||
| Try that. | ||
| It's like a wolf something. | ||
| It is intimidating. | ||
| But I think if you Google Russian werewolf dog, it shows you what it is. | ||
| Ouch. | ||
| Nope, that's not it. | ||
| Maybe the one to the right. | ||
| Something like that. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| No, that's not it. | ||
| That's just like a giant ass... | ||
| Those things. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow! | |
| Those are cool looking. | ||
| That looks like Elton John's sister. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Did you see what fucking Biden said? | |
| Blame it on this guy. | ||
| We're spending all the money on AIDS. Did you see that? | ||
| Did you see Biden's quote? | ||
| It's so ridiculous. | ||
| These are just wolves, I think. | ||
| Yeah, not wolves. | ||
| It's a giant Russian wolf-like dog. | ||
| I'm sorry I brought it up. | ||
| I thought it would be like an easy hit. | ||
| No, that's a wolf bear. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You're looking like a hybrid. | |
| Google giant Russian werewolf dog. | ||
| Let's see this. | ||
| It's like a big head dog. | ||
| Yeah, it's a crazy little thing. | ||
| Here it is. | ||
| I found it right away. | ||
| Yes, that's it. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| Caucasian Shepherd. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Look at the size of that thing! | ||
| What the fuck, man? | ||
| That can't be real. | ||
| That's not real. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's CGI. And that's a little... | |
| That might be fake too. | ||
| Yeah, that's a little fake. | ||
| That's fake too. | ||
| But it's a big dog. | ||
| Look at her arm. | ||
| I don't like how her arm disappears in the hair. | ||
| I'm getting... | ||
| I'm getting... | ||
| It's the same lady too, I think. | ||
| I'm getting swindled. | ||
| Yeah, but that dog is a real dog. | ||
| The Caucasian Shepherd. | ||
| So Google that. | ||
| Google Caucasian Shepherd. | ||
| They're amazing looking. | ||
| Look at them in the snow. | ||
| Yeah, that's it. | ||
| That's that giant ass fucking wolf looking thing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look at the size of that fucker. | |
| How big are those bitches? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Height? | |
| 2.2 feet? | ||
| Shit. | ||
| 2.2 feet. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| That's not that big. | ||
| I know. | ||
| That's a cold weather dog for sure. | ||
| Is this the wrong dog? | ||
| That ain't the same dog. | ||
| I think someone did a... | ||
| What is that fucking other one though? | ||
| There's one wild looking... | ||
| 100 to 170 pounds? | ||
| Dog people are so mad right now. | ||
| Because it's a big ass dog. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Now that was the picture, but that girl was... | ||
| That's it. | ||
| That does not look like two feet. | ||
| That thing looks fucking huge. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Not two feet on top. | |
| But that's bigger than two feet, dude. | ||
| 170 pounds max-ish. | ||
| Look at that coat. | ||
| Brian Callen would know. | ||
| I'm gonna call him right now. | ||
| Brian Callen knows about dogs. | ||
| Call Brian Callen. | ||
| I have to get to the bottom of this, Jamie. | ||
| I'm sorry for slowing down the show, but I think we'll all be better people once we know. | ||
| Brian Callen, you're live on my podcast. | ||
| You would know this. | ||
| What is that giant, crazy, scary Russian dog that looks like a werewolf? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I think that's a Kovalosk or something like that. | |
| It's a damage. | ||
| They're mountain dogs. | ||
| They're 200 pounds, and they're there to keep the wolves at bay. | ||
| Right. | ||
| That's what we're talking about. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Is it a Kovalosk or something like that? | |
| It's not a Caucasian mountain dog, right? | ||
| Or a Caucasian mountain shepherd? | ||
| That's a different thing. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| You look a scholar. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes, I am. | |
| Yes, I am a scholar. | ||
| But I have seen one in person, and it's as close to a dog bear as you can get. | ||
| It's like they bred a dog, a big dog, with a grizzly. | ||
| Wow. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's what it's like. | |
| And it has crazy fangs, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, well, they fight them. | |
| So in the caucuses... | ||
| I like how you say that. | ||
| I like how you pronounce Afghanistan. | ||
|
unidentified
|
In Afghanistan, they fight those dogs. | |
| In the Caucus Mountains, they fight dogs. | ||
| And that area of the world, they use those giant mountain dogs and they pit them against each other. | ||
| Anything, Jamie? | ||
| I'm looking real hard. | ||
| Caucus Mountains, giant fighting dog? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yep, yep. | |
| We'll find it. | ||
| We'll find it. | ||
| All right, Brian. | ||
| Love you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Love you too, buddy. | |
| Bye. | ||
| Wow, that was good work, Joe, man. | ||
| You got it. | ||
| I think we might have it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, that's what the Caucasian Shepherd did. | ||
| That's it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I mean, that's what the Caucasian... | |
| But it looks scarier than that. | ||
| I've seen scarier ones. | ||
| Either way, it's huge. | ||
| It's a huge dog. | ||
| You get a lot of dog for your money on that one. | ||
| Boy, that's subject fizzle out. | ||
| No, I got more if you want. | ||
| I was hoping for a big ending. | ||
| I was hoping we're going to find the picture that I know that I've seen before, that thing with giant fangs. | ||
| No, you've got to go to, like, what is that lockdown show where they show them, like, using them to, like... | ||
| That's it! | ||
| That's the Caucasian Shepherd. | ||
| Okay, but that's the image that I've seen before. | ||
| Like, that one. | ||
| And then there was another one down, if you just go back to the one you just saw, there was another one down there where his mouth opened. | ||
| Oh, they're fighting it up. | ||
| Like, that's it. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| What the fuck is that? | ||
| That's what I'm talking about. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| So we just looked at, like, really clean-looking, well-bred ones. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| Oh my god, that's real. | ||
| Beauty and the Beast. | ||
| That's the real dog. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What'd you say, Jamie? | ||
|
unidentified
|
This lady is in all of these thumbnails, so she's fucked up this thumbnail game. | |
| Yeah, but that seems like it's not... | ||
| Go back to that image of her next to the dog. | ||
| That seems accurate. | ||
| It seems like it's actually that big. | ||
| That dog must eat. | ||
| Oh my god, the shits that thing must take. | ||
| Oh yeah, that's a lot of work. | ||
| Good luck if you've got a regular backyard. | ||
| You have hefty bags. | ||
| They look cute there. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| That doesn't look cute. | ||
| Oh, that's a fun... | ||
| Killing a wolf. | ||
| Man, that would be a nice oil painting. | ||
| It would be, right up your bed. | ||
| Let ladies know what they're in for. | ||
| Kills wolves. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Cool. | |
| So now we know. | ||
| There you go. | ||
| It's a thing. | ||
| So we just got a bad image search. | ||
| It's alright, though. | ||
| I love that we went through it, but I'll tell you. | ||
| We made the journey together. | ||
| We did it. | ||
| And, you know, all I'm going to say is that it's a little too hot out here in Texas for that kind of a dog. | ||
| You know, you'd have to give him so many... | ||
| Oh yeah, I got a golden retriever, and during the summer months, it's rough for him. | ||
| But he loves swimming, so that's cool. | ||
| Yeah, they're like built for swimming. | ||
| Oh my god, yeah. | ||
| I didn't even have to teach him how to swim. | ||
| He just jumped in the water when he was a puppy. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, like immediately. | ||
| Oh, that's right. | ||
| It's in their DNA or something. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It was like immediately you start swimming. | ||
| Nice. | ||
| Yeah, he figured it out, like, right away. | ||
| Just had to show him where the stairs were, and he was good. | ||
| Even the little ones like to take a dip. | ||
| I like that, you know? | ||
| The thing about those dogs, too, is, like, it's interesting, retrievers, because they, that, um, teaching a dog to fetch and then bring it back. | ||
| Some dogs don't want to bring it back. | ||
| They're like, hey, motherfucker, bring the ball back. | ||
| Yeah, possessive. | ||
| Retrievers immediately bring it back. | ||
| Every time. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Every time. | |
| You don't even have to teach him, huh? | ||
| Never. | ||
| The only time he stops is, I know he has to take a shit. | ||
| He paused. | ||
| He hasn't come back all the way. | ||
| He's got to take a dump and then he'll come run back over. | ||
| But those dogs are like designed for retrieving. | ||
| Well, you know, being on the road, I can't have a dog, so I have to kind of live vicariously through you guys with your dogs. | ||
| How often are you on the road? | ||
| How many days a week? | ||
| I'd say I kind of stepped it up. | ||
| You know, I got a lot of bills, so I've been stepping it up and trying to do, like, at least two to three weeks on the road, like, you know, full tilt, four days, you know. | ||
| Every month? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| And, you know, like we were talking earlier, like, the comedy boom is there. | ||
| There's definitely, like... | ||
| Like, Cap City added a show, late show on a Sunday. | ||
| Who would do that? | ||
| Why not? | ||
| Why not? | ||
| Fuck yeah. | ||
| Everywhere I go, it's like, oh, cool, we're close to Seoul. | ||
| Let's add a show. | ||
| I'm up for it. | ||
| I'm already there. | ||
| Why not? | ||
| What else am I going to do? | ||
| Boy, your machine gets greased when you're doing that many shows, too. | ||
| Yeah, but towards the end of the week, it does become this whole, like... | ||
| Because I know people are coming to see multiple shows, so I'm always trying to mix it up for them. | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| Sometimes that falls apart on me. | ||
| It's like a fucking... | ||
| Yeah, but people that are coming to see multiple shows appreciate that, too, that you're out there... | ||
| I guess so. | ||
| ...fucking around. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, that's half the fun for real comedy nerds, is to watch a guy, like, start a bit, and then you see where that bit becomes in six months... | ||
| Oh, that's true. | ||
| How many bits did you start out in the first couple times you did them? | ||
| They're like, ugh, I might have to abandon this one. | ||
| You remember, this is another old-school comedy thing, but Richard Jenney, do you remember him? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He was always the guy who I worked with him, I used to watch him, and I was always like, nobody could crush like this guy did. | ||
| And I've talked to the younger comics about it, too. | ||
| I was like, this guy... | ||
| You know how people leave going like, oh, my belly hurt? | ||
| People basically, it was like a smackdown. | ||
| People were leaving limping and stuff like that. | ||
| My body can't take any more laughter. | ||
| He's that good. | ||
| He would just basically get everything out of them. | ||
| He was like the master of milking a bit. | ||
| He would find every angle on it. | ||
| And I wish I had that skill set where you can go like, You take the topic and you keep twisting it and twisting it and twisting it. | ||
| Brian Regan's another guy who I think is amazing how he finds all these different angles. | ||
| It's fluid. | ||
| It's seamless. | ||
| Jenny was the best at it. | ||
| He really was exceptional at writing a chunk of material. | ||
| Not just a joke. | ||
| I'm a joke guy. | ||
| He's like a chunk guy. | ||
| A chunk on anything. | ||
| Yeah, on everything actually. | ||
| Because that was back in the day. | ||
| Some of it might be a little like, you know, corny, whatever now. | ||
| But back in the day, all that stuff was solid and people couldn't get enough of it. | ||
| And I remember like 10-15 minutes on like spaghetti. | ||
| You know, like something like that, you know? | ||
| Like buying shoes. | ||
| That was like an hour and a half. | ||
| He had a whole chunk on buying a Corvette. | ||
| I'm like, how is that even relatable to people? | ||
| And it was murderous. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| A murderous chunk about going to a dealership and buying a Corvette. | ||
| He was a good guy to watch live. | ||
| You really kind of got what a headliner does. | ||
| I tell the story, and unfortunately, if you've heard it before, people are going to hear it again. | ||
| One time we were at Eastside Comedy Club, and I got there on a Sunday, and the guy who was the host of the show all weekend said, Jenny did four different hours. | ||
| He did two different hours on Friday night, and then two shows on Saturday night. | ||
| Totally different hours. | ||
| And they were all like, I want to quit comedy. | ||
| Another thing about him is that his energy is consistent all the way through. | ||
| A lot of guys, I'm that kind of guy where it's like, yeah, first 20 minutes, you're going to see me, I'm punching. | ||
| Then it's a lot of grappling, just holding the guy. | ||
| And I feel like for him, it was almost like, you're never going to wear me out. | ||
| You're going to get worn out before I even get tired. | ||
| So I respect that too. | ||
| No, he was a special comic that I don't think gets his due. | ||
| I was always a giant fan of his, but then one day I was coming home from the Irvine Improv, and you know how sometimes your Bluetooth on your phone just randomly syncs up and plays a track that's on your phone? | ||
| It played this Jenny bit. | ||
| And I was like, oh my god, that is so funny. | ||
| I forgot how funny it was. | ||
| And then I downloaded the whole album, and I just listened to it while I was driving. | ||
| So that was the beautiful thing that was available on Apple Music. | ||
| I just went and got it, downloaded it, and now I was listening to it on the way home. | ||
| Well, that's a perfect score because there's no better place to listen to comedy than when you're driving alone. | ||
| I feel like that's where it is your thing. | ||
| Yeah, if you're listening to comedy. | ||
| Like a long drive and you get to listen to some really tasty clips. | ||
| Yes, it's fun. | ||
| And especially if you're on your way to a gig. | ||
| It puts you in a good mood. | ||
| You get to the airport laughing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well... | ||
| The whole idea of the album now is so different than it was back in the day of like, you know, this is my album. | ||
| I'm going to sell it at the show and all that kind of stuff. | ||
| Physical copies of things. | ||
| I still feel like that's the best way, even though that's what I grew up on, listening to Carlin. | ||
| Well, Skanks for the Memories was a masterpiece. | ||
| Skanks for the Memories is an all-time classic comedy album. | ||
| I know you fucking hate compliments. | ||
| No, but I really wouldn't even put it in. | ||
| It's very funny. | ||
| A lot of people come up to me and ask me about it and all that kind of stuff, but I do know that I haven't put out a lot of stuff, but that was one of the things that definitely did click with the comedy audience. | ||
| It was fun. | ||
| You guys have always been pretty cool with me about that too, but do you feel like vinyl is the future or the past? | ||
| Because there's a lot of vinyl talk out there. | ||
| Well, the vinyl talk is fun because it's like someone who's an actual enthusiast who wants to sit down with a physical copy of something. | ||
| And it's so much better than owning a CD, right? | ||
| Because if they're both obsolete, which they kind of are, the thing about vinyl over a CD is you get a dope cover. | ||
| That was always a thing, like Kiss Alive 2, you know, whenever they're on the cover, like fucking yeah! | ||
| You remember that? | ||
| Double platinum was all silver. | ||
| This is wild! | ||
| Pictures inside, you would roll joints using the album. | ||
| That's how people would roll joints. | ||
| When I would go to Tower Records, you know, and like they would have like the comedy section, it was always like the Steve Martin and, you know, Richard Pryor, of course. | ||
| But then there was like all the weirds of Dr. Demento and all those like you're like looking at these things, like looking around, see if everybody's looking at you, you know? | ||
| I went to a gas stop once and I got these cassettes that were old Richard Pryor cassettes. | ||
| From Red Fox's Comedy Club in Los Angeles. | ||
| It was like someone just set up a microphone and started recording. | ||
| And Richard Pryor was like fucking around. | ||
| He was creating new bits. | ||
| He was talking shit. | ||
| He was drinking. | ||
| You could hear the clinking of the ice cubes in the glass. | ||
| Dude, it was amazing. | ||
| And that's the cassette, right? | ||
| Cassette. | ||
| And it was like a series of them. | ||
| There was like a few that you could get. | ||
| That's so awesome, dude. | ||
| I think... | ||
| Some guy sued somebody. | ||
| I think DePaulo was involved in this. | ||
| Like a bootleg? | ||
| Yeah, someone was like selling their shit at gas station. | ||
| They're like, why is my fucking shit for sale here? | ||
| Like, who's doing this? | ||
| It was like someone had cut a deal. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I don't think it was a bootleg. | ||
| I think someone had cut a sneaky deal and not let the comics in on it. | ||
| When you go to a truck stop and like, you know, you see their CDs and DVDs and it's like always Larry the Cable Guy, you know, they have all of his stuff. | ||
| And I was always like, Larry, you know, no one else has tapped this market. | ||
| You're the only guy here. | ||
| Honestly, dude. | ||
| Congratulations. | ||
| I was like, I was like impressed that like, this is like of all the things that they have here, you know, they got like all You know, I got a little cooler. | ||
| They got all these different things that are combined. | ||
| It's like they definitely need some tapes as they're rolling, you know, rolling through down the road. | ||
| Larry the Cable Guy is a good dude. | ||
| He is, and he's a merch, king of merch. | ||
| I always respected his merch, man. | ||
| He's always been a cool guy, but the merch, man, I was like, how do you do it? | ||
| I met him when he was Dan Whitney. | ||
| Dan, yes. | ||
| He put the work in, too. | ||
| He was just starting to become Larry the Cable Guy. | ||
| He just was doing that radio show down in Florida, and he would do that character, Larry the Cable Guy. | ||
| And he would do the, um, call into all the morning radios, and he'd have to do this, and I was like, man, this is tough. | ||
| It's like 6 in the morning, he's calling in, you know? | ||
| But he's always been a cool dude. | ||
| I met him in, like, 1993 or some shit in Montreal, and nobody knew who he was back then. | ||
| Just a normal guy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He was a very normal guy. | ||
| That's where I met Stan Hope. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ah. | |
| Stan Hope and I, we had known each other, but that's, like, Montreal, like, we really, you know, uh, Bind, whatever, together. | ||
| I consider Doug still one of the best comics ever. | ||
| He's one of the best ever. | ||
| There's no one like him. | ||
| He's one of my favorite people alive. | ||
| I love him to death. | ||
| Doug is like the real deal. | ||
| All the good and all the amazing of a guy who doesn't give a shit. | ||
| He's free. | ||
| He is. | ||
| That's a great way to put it. | ||
| Genuinely free. | ||
| He's not pretending to be free. | ||
| He's free. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, and he's just a great guy. | ||
| And, you know, when I met Doug for the first time, I'd heard of Doug before I met him. | ||
| He was friends with Joey. | ||
| So that's how I met him. | ||
| I think I met him at... | ||
| So there was like a little show that they used to do on Sunset down the street from Dublin's. | ||
| It wasn't even Dublin's. | ||
| It was the one down the street from Dublin's. | ||
| I met them there. | ||
| Like an open mic? | ||
| No, it was like a show they would do. | ||
| I mean, it wasn't necessarily an open mic because everybody was on and was a professional. | ||
| But it was like a pop-in show. | ||
| Sort of how Dublin's was. | ||
| Remember when Dublin's was a pop-in show? | ||
| See, I never really was in L.A. on that scene. | ||
| But I always heard that that's the cool show. | ||
| That's where the... | ||
| We're like, you know, if you just want to fuck around, that's a cool show. | ||
| Dublin's was a fun show. | ||
| That was a fun show. | ||
| Dublin's was kind of what launched Dane Cook. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yeah, he was killing it at Dublin's before he was killing it everywhere else. | ||
| And then it was like, they had Dublin's, they had that other club that was down the street from Dublin's, didn't last as long. | ||
| And then they had Sal's Comedy Hold. | ||
| Remember Sal's Comedy Hold? | ||
| I remember, yeah. | ||
| That was a good spot. | ||
| There's a bunch of little fuck-around good spots. | ||
| Would you ever do that Hermosa Beach Room? | ||
| I loved that room. | ||
| The Kami Magic Club? | ||
| I loved that room. | ||
| That's like a museum to Kami. | ||
| I hope it continues, right? | ||
| That's where Elena would work out his material. | ||
| That's where Gary Shandling would go. | ||
| All the big Tosh would come by. | ||
| I remember he always wanted it clean. | ||
| That was the thing of like, I'm trying to keep it clean here. | ||
| Yeah, but he let me go up. | ||
| Yeah, I went up too. | ||
| He didn't really care. | ||
| He let me go up. | ||
| He had a problem with Joey Diaz, though. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| But it wasn't just like his regulars. | ||
| He was like, my regulars just can't handle it. | ||
| Yeah, it's that beach culture. | ||
| And that's not always the funniest crowd. | ||
| You know what I'm talking about? | ||
| Like when you live near such a, like, you know, you got a beautiful sunset. | ||
| You don't really need as many laughs. | ||
| It's when you live near like a tire fire, you know? | ||
| Right. | ||
| Well, they're wealthy people, too. | ||
| Hermosa Beach is a wealthy community. | ||
| But so is La Jolla, and that club's pretty wild. | ||
| The La Jolla Comedy Store, that's a fun place. | ||
| I also like Irvine. | ||
| Irvine's fucking great. | ||
| I love Irvine. | ||
| That improv's amazing. | ||
| I did that recently. | ||
| I did that with Monty Franklin a few months back. | ||
| I did it with Shane Gillis, too. | ||
| Shane's awesome, dude. | ||
| Oh my god, dude. | ||
| Doing shows at the Improv was one of the first times that I got to see Shane's set because he killed at the Vulcan, but we were in the green room and it was packed and you couldn't hear. | ||
| There's a monitor in there and you can listen, but there were so many people were talking and we were all having fun. | ||
| I didn't get a chance to see his sets, but then getting to work with him in Irvine, I got to see his whole set. | ||
| God damn, he's funny. | ||
| He's good. | ||
| He's so funny. | ||
| I see him in the city, so I only get to see small tastes of him, but it's always interesting stuff. | ||
| The guy never panders to anybody. | ||
| He knows what he wants to do when he does it. | ||
| It's just great writing, too. | ||
| He has this new bit about going to the George Washington Museum. | ||
| That's all I'm going to say about it. | ||
| It's fucking amazing. | ||
| It's so funny, dude. | ||
| There's so many... | ||
| I always go on so late. | ||
| The people who go on early, I never really get to see them, but when I do, I'm always like, whoa. | ||
| Do you like that? | ||
| Do you like going on late? | ||
| I like it for different reasons than people think. | ||
| I like it because I don't want to screw up the show for anybody who has to follow me in case I do something nuts or crazy. | ||
| Like what? | ||
| You know, in case I, like, trash the room, you know? | ||
| So I was always like, there's that. | ||
| I don't like bumping anybody. | ||
| I don't like, you know, I think in comedy there's a lot of bumping going on, and, like, I totally understand, like... | ||
| Is that still going on? | ||
| Well, I think that's, like, a big name comes in and they want to do some material that's cool, but, like, a lot of these young comics, you know, like, they're waiting around, like, you know, to go on. | ||
| It's like, I hate being the guy who, like, puts them back. | ||
| Yeah, that's not my thing. | ||
| There's that. | ||
| And then it's also, I think later, I feel like I'm more into the, you know, in the zone of it. | ||
| You know, like, I've done everything I had to do. | ||
| Now I can just do my, you know, hassle. | ||
| What time do you like to go up? | ||
| In the city, I'd say like one in the morning, you know. | ||
| Really? | ||
| That's your general set? | ||
| One to two, yeah. | ||
| That's the first set of the day is 1 a.m. | ||
| Yeah, sometimes. | ||
| I mean, like, sometimes I'll bounce before that, but usually it's like during the week, like on a Tuesday, Wednesday night, it's probably like 12.50, one in the morning, you know. | ||
| Wow, and then how many will you do? | ||
| Of that night? | ||
| That would be just one, like a taste. | ||
| But then on the weekend I'll do two or three, and late. | ||
| So you just like to do one show a night, fuck around? | ||
| Only if I have new stuff, otherwise I feel really bad about taking the stage time. | ||
| Something new to say, but I'll go on every night, but I'll force myself to do, even if it's like telling a joke different, I gotta get up there and try it. | ||
| It's amazing your, this humility that you have about that, about stage time. | ||
| It's because like every club would die to have you go up. | ||
| Joe, I can't live up. | ||
| Every audience would love to see it. | ||
| Like this is what's crazy. | ||
| It's like you're one of the best comics alive and you have this attitude like a middle act that doesn't want to fuck up the show for anybody. | ||
| I will say one thing, like, you know, when you go on the road and you go on early and it's like, you know, you're like, whoa, these people are, you know, they're not as like... | ||
| It's harder going on late. | ||
| I like the challenge, okay? | ||
| Especially since I'm old now and there's all these young people hitting with their killer 20. So I like to see if I can still, like, bring it, you know? | ||
| I guess that's kind of ego. | ||
| But when you go on early, then you're like... | ||
| Wow, this is a different type of tight. | ||
| Ouch. | ||
| And sometimes I'll go on early just to mix it up, but I feel late is where my stuff works best. | ||
| Well, you know, it's like you're rucking. | ||
| You're out there hiking the hills with weights on your back. | ||
| Oh, you think? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| I'm training. | ||
| And then it goes to regular workouts. | ||
| You're flying through it, like a regular show. | ||
| Yeah, I'd say that like, you know, the cellar especially is built late. | ||
| Like, it feels better late than it does early. | ||
| But, you know, the crowds there, you get a lot of different, like, I guess you got that in LA too, where it's like, you got Euros, you got locals, you got people who, you know, I guess domestic tourists, you know, people coming all the way in from Arkansas. | ||
| So, you know, you get like, kind of like a buffet of audience. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you get to see like, where it hits, where it doesn't, and all that kind of stuff. | ||
| So, there's good to that. | ||
| But at the end of the day, like, I always leave like, you know, what was that about? | ||
| I I can't believe they didn't get that, you know? | ||
| Comedy becomes a destination, right? | ||
| Well, that's what's going to happen with your club, man. | ||
| I mean, honestly, I bet you it's already sold out. | ||
| We don't have any tickets available yet. | ||
| It doesn't matter. | ||
| I can only imagine that first opening week. | ||
| It's going to be nuts. | ||
| It's going to be nuts, man. | ||
| It'll be fun. | ||
| It's exciting to be able to do something from the ground up. | ||
| And to have a community that's already here. | ||
| Because we've been doing so many shows already here. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We've been having a lot of fun for the last two years. | ||
| And... | ||
| Will you, like, you know, well, you got to be there, like, the opening for sure. | ||
| Yeah, for sure. | ||
| Yeah, we're going to be there. | ||
| And it's definitely going to be... | ||
| I want you to come, too. | ||
| It's going to make the news, buddy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, no. | |
| It's going to make the news. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Not the news. | ||
| This is going to be, like, one of those, like, you know, opening a club, anyhow, is so... | ||
| People don't get it. | ||
| It's not like a guarantee. | ||
| It's not like saying, like, you know, I'm going to throw into, you know, whatever, like, you know... | ||
| It's not just a bar. | ||
| There's more to it, and it's difficult, and it's really hard. | ||
| Yeah, it's complicated. | ||
| So I give you credit. | ||
| Hire good people. | ||
| Well, Adam's awesome. | ||
| Stay the fuck out of the way. | ||
| It's like being lucky enough to have guys like I want to show it to you after we get out of here. | ||
| I showed it to Louie, and he had some great notes. | ||
| We took his notes, and we added all those things that he suggested. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| And it's fun. | ||
| It's fun. | ||
| It's fun to be able to do it the right way. | ||
| You know, do it in a way we're coming from a good place. | ||
| Just trying to make a great comedy club. | ||
| The fact that you told me there's an area for the comics to hang, not every comic club has that. | ||
| I mean, back in the day, you know this, where it's like, is there a green room? | ||
| And they're like, yeah, we're going to pull this curtain, and it's where we keep the extra chairs. | ||
| So, you know, relax. | ||
| You've got to have a place to fuck around and talk to each other before the show, and get loose and laugh. | ||
| You've got to have a place to go over your notes. | ||
| You've got to have all those things. | ||
| And, you know, I mean, hey, thanks for doing it. | ||
| My pleasure. | ||
| Thanks for sticking with it, because the one thing I do respect the most is follow-through. | ||
| I mean, like, we all have great ideas. | ||
| Few people actually make them, you know, reality, so congrats. | ||
| Yeah, I'm a big fan of follow-through. | ||
| Super important. | ||
| And that feeling that you get when you're like, shit, why am I doing this? | ||
| Like, oh my god, you're alive! | ||
| Yay! | ||
| Yay! | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You're doing something exciting. | ||
| It's supposed to be risky. | ||
| It's supposed to be weird. | ||
| That's part of the fun. | ||
| You can't always want to be comfortable. | ||
| Everybody wants to be fucking comfortable all the time. | ||
| And I think that doing something like this is the best way to do it. | ||
| No pressure on it. | ||
| It's exciting. | ||
| It's only fun. | ||
| We're doing it the right way. | ||
| Building it the right way. | ||
| We've got awesome people. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's exciting. | ||
| I think it's also the timing of it. | ||
| It's going to be perfect. | ||
| Well, comedy is now separated from the mass media of Hollywood. | ||
| It used to be that there was all these gatekeepers that got to tell you whether or not you were good or got to tell you whether or not you were accepted by this or accepted by that. | ||
| Really, the only gatekeeper should be the audience. | ||
| It should be like, do people like your stuff? | ||
| Are you funny? | ||
| Are you killing it? | ||
| Do you get the respect of your peers? | ||
| And if that's the case... | ||
| Then those are the people that are going to support you now. | ||
| So you're supported by all these podcast people like Gillis and Norman and Ari and Segura and Tony and there's all this fucking giant unity of this community of podcasters and Burt. | ||
| I never saw any of that coming. | ||
| Bert especially, he's another guy like you. | ||
| It's just like you guys are good to all of us and you're good for all of us. | ||
| He's a good person. | ||
| He's a genuinely good person. | ||
| Bert likes to party. | ||
| That's what he likes. | ||
| He likes everybody to have a good time. | ||
| The reason why he likes to party is he likes to have fun and to be in a good headspace and enjoy life. | ||
| He's another guy who really does make the most of it. | ||
| I appreciate that. | ||
| Yes, he works hard. | ||
| He does. | ||
| You know, he parties hard, but that motherfucker works his ass off. | ||
| His schedule's preposterous, and he's always doing a bunch of other shit, and now he's doing Something's Burning again. | ||
| I was actually just talking to Brian Simpson, and he was on his way over to film a new episode of Something's Burning, that cooking show that he had? | ||
| I did that with Gilbert, yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, that's awesome. | ||
| And I did a couple of dates on his tour. | ||
| He was doing, I guess, a small outdoor tour. | ||
| And we were hitting all these, I guess you could say, ball fields and small venue, outdoor kind of thing. | ||
| It was a lot of fun. | ||
| And it was also, I never really worked with him like that. | ||
| And he was so like, I go, hey, can I do this? | ||
| I don't want to step on him because he has to close after, you know how it is, after five acts. | ||
| You know, everybody's like, you know, up there going, blowing the light, and he still has the clothes. | ||
| I was like, I don't want to step on him, you know? | ||
| And he's like, do whatever you want to do. | ||
| His crowd was super cool. | ||
| And, you know, it's just funny to see a guy like him, like, own the stage. | ||
| Like, it's outdoors. | ||
| He's got no shirt on. | ||
| It's a half full ball field. | ||
| You know, it's like, this looks right. | ||
| I don't know why, but it looks right. | ||
| It's perfect. | ||
| And it's his idea. | ||
| Just like it was his idea to do the drive-in movie shows. | ||
| With cars. | ||
| That was his idea, too. | ||
| I only did... | ||
| How many of those did you do? | ||
| I didn't do any of them. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| I did zero. | ||
| I did two of them. | ||
| And I brought... | ||
| You know Jay Oakerson, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah. | |
| He's a good friend of mine. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I love Jay. | |
| Great friend of mine. | ||
| So we did one in D.C. And I said, this is like... | ||
| You know, Red Dawn, like the re-education camp? | ||
| You know, that scene where it's like, boys, avenge me! | ||
| I felt like we were playing to a crowd that they just wanted us to get done, and then we would give them bottles of water. | ||
| Here's your supplies. | ||
| It was really apocalyptic. | ||
| It was really cool. | ||
| That was the early days. | ||
| People were scared to be around people. | ||
| But that was funny. | ||
| I was like, hey, I'm just glad I got it. | ||
| And my opener who went on, I was like laughing, like, look at this guy. | ||
| Oh my God, look at him chewing up there. | ||
| And then it was my turn and I was like, oh no, now I'm in the blender. | ||
| Oh, this is terrible. | ||
| Oh my God, I apologize. | ||
| I screamed to him, I apologize. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| Were people honking for laughs? | ||
| Honking. | ||
| They were tailgating, and I always say, like, I pop the hood. | ||
| That's like a stand to go when you let the hood up. | ||
| But still, it was just like, it's cool. | ||
| Only comedy would do that. | ||
| Every other form of entertainment, it's like, oh, it's not safe yet. | ||
| Blah, blah, blah, blah. | ||
| We're out there doing it. | ||
| Well, they're all connected to the music industry. | ||
| They had to have real strict regulations on some of the places. | ||
| Some of those people. | ||
| They're all insured and shit. | ||
| There's a lot going on there. | ||
| It's not going on with a comic. | ||
| All you need is a microphone and someone willing to sit in their car and listen to jokes. | ||
| But it's so funny when you're on that stage and there's all these headlights and you hear that generator just going behind you. | ||
| You're like, this is not good. | ||
| It's like a FEMA camp right here. | ||
| But we're so hungry for comedy that we'll do it anyway. | ||
| Yeah, the people came. | ||
| You know, give it to them. | ||
| Give it up for them. | ||
| I was very fortunate to do those shows with Chappelle at Stubbs during the pandemic. | ||
| So we did that on a regular basis. | ||
| That was amazing what he put together like that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh my god. | |
| I mean, really. | ||
| Brilliant. | ||
| Brilliant idea. | ||
| Test everybody. | ||
| Test everybody. | ||
| Even if you lose money, who cares? | ||
| Let's do comedy. | ||
| That was so awesome that he did that. | ||
| And I knew people, like I would run into comedy fans and go, I drove six hours to see this, 12 hours to go see this show. | ||
| And like, you know, I really needed it. | ||
| And that was really, honestly, tip of the hat to Dave, you know, for putting that all together. | ||
| Yeah, well, it was genius when he first started it in Ohio. | ||
| He did it at the Outdoor Wedding Chapel. | ||
| He did it there. | ||
| Genius. | ||
| And then he takes it from the cornfields and says, let's just bring it to Austin for a while. | ||
| So we did a shitload of shows in Austin, man. | ||
| That was fun. | ||
| And outdoor comedy is not that, it's hard. | ||
| It's really hard to be outdoors and doing comedy. | ||
| It really doesn't fit that well. | ||
| But the people were so enthusiastic. | ||
| They were so happy just to be out. | ||
| And it was cold some nights. | ||
| Some nights we'd go on stage with coats on, like winter coats. | ||
| It was like 35 degrees outside. | ||
| But outdoor during the day, that's like, oh man. | ||
| Yeah, just forget about it. | ||
| Forget about it. | ||
| At least at night they're drunk and it's dark and they feel like a little bit, you know, people like to be in the dark when they laugh. | ||
| They don't want to be in a brightly lit room and laugh. | ||
| They're too self-conscious. | ||
| Yeah, I guess the only place I need to do comedy now would be on a cruise ship. | ||
| I've never done that. | ||
| Have you done that? | ||
| No. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I feel like I've got some time. | ||
| Like, I'm almost there but not there yet. | ||
| The cruise ship years. | ||
| The cruise ship, if you're into cruise ships, I would imagine that would be a good time. | ||
| I know Alonzo Bowden does, like, jazz cruises. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| You know, Alonzo's like a jazz fanatic. | ||
| Oh, that's cool. | ||
| Jazz shows and shit. | ||
| I would imagine if you were doing something like that. | ||
| Like, I know that those guys, the prank show. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| I know you're talking about the guys. | ||
| Impractical Jokers. | ||
| They have a mega cruise. | ||
| They have a thing. | ||
| And they do comedy on those things, too. | ||
| I mean, it's not like I'm dying to do it, but I figure eventually, you know, that's kind of where comedy always leads to the ocean. | ||
| You know, it's the reason it comes down. | ||
| It leads to the ocean. | ||
| You get banned from the country. | ||
| You have to go into international waters and talk shit. | ||
| But it would be like, you know, my always fear was like people like, well, why didn't you do it? | ||
| I go, well, I don't know, just being, you know, like, what if you bomb and then you're trapped with those people for two days and three nights, you know, like, yeah, it'd be tough, you know, stay in your cabin. | ||
| Not only that, if they're mad, you can throw you off. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Throw you off the boat. | ||
| A lot of things happen on those boats, you know. | ||
| There's always like a husband and a wife that get in a fight. | ||
| Yeah, only one comes back. | ||
| Only one comes back. | ||
| It's generally the husband that comes back. | ||
| He's like, I don't know what happened. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| She was a strong swimmer. | ||
| I don't know what happened. | ||
| Keep looking. | ||
| Can you imagine going out that way, getting dropped off a cruise ship in the middle of the fucking ocean? | ||
| Like, holy fuck. | ||
| That's the scariest. | ||
| What a scary way to die. | ||
| You see it slowly going away from you. | ||
| And they'll never find you. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| They'll never find you. | ||
| Man, this is grim. | ||
| That's a grim one. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, the ocean is so strange, man, because it's just, most of it's nothing. | ||
| Most of it's not even sharks. | ||
| Most of it's empty. | ||
| It's only like within the few hundred miles of the coasts everywhere that is really all the life. | ||
| That's why that, you know anything about the sea turtle? | ||
| Do you know anything about it? | ||
| I know it's a big animal-heavy show today, but the sea turtle, like, they have, like, a really horrible life, you know? | ||
| It's not a good life. | ||
| Like, they're, like, swimming around, like, in the middle of the ocean, like the dead zone, they call it, like, just swimming around, like, oh, there's a twig over there, let's go over there for a minute. | ||
| Like, that's, like, the highlight of their, you know, week. | ||
| But it's just, like, swimming around, nothing going on. | ||
| It sucks. | ||
| And you know what the worst is? | ||
| The moment they're hatched, it's like every day is Normandy. | ||
| Every day is storming the beach. | ||
| Most of them are going to die. | ||
| So they're making their way to the ocean. | ||
| They're getting stolen out by crabs. | ||
| You ever see a crab take a fucking turtle? | ||
| Crab, which is smaller than the baby turtle, picks up this baby turtle and walks away with it. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| It's like pulling the baby turtle away. | ||
| See if you can find that. | ||
| Crab murders baby turtle. | ||
| Or crab attacks baby turtle. | ||
| It's wild. | ||
| It picks it up and carries it away. | ||
| I've only seen the birds really enjoy it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Birds fuck them up. | |
| Birds fuck them up. | ||
| But crabs steal them. | ||
| Oh, oh. | ||
| Look at this shit. | ||
| Oh God, that's terrible. | ||
| They just drag them away. | ||
| Pinch them by their head and drag them away. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Crabs are monsters, dude. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look at that. | |
| Look, he's just eating it alive. | ||
| Pulling off chunks of it and eating it and drags it into its hole. | ||
| Oh man. | ||
| Motherfuckers. | ||
| Crabs scare the shit out of me. | ||
| We're really lucky they're smaller than us. | ||
| God, that's the only reason why they're alive. | ||
| I mean, at one point in time, they had to be bigger than us. | ||
| We killed them off. | ||
| Yeah, you know... | ||
| Can you imagine like fucking, what's that? | ||
| What's the fucking Starship Troopers? | ||
| Giant bugs? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| I imagine that stuff all the time. | ||
| Because I was watching that like, you know, the day the dinosaurs died. | ||
| This is like the kind of guy I am with these documentaries. | ||
| And it's like, you know, whatever. | ||
| Everything was gigantic, you know? | ||
| And then the asteroid came and kind of reset the whole, like, you know, order of the who's going to be who. | ||
| And I was like, man, can you imagine this, like, walking around and it's just like everything is, like, towering over you and your food to everything. | ||
| It's like, oh, man, this would be crazy. | ||
| But they never figured anything out, which is really fascinating. | ||
| With the asteroid? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| I mean, like dinosaurs. | ||
| They never got super intelligent like people. | ||
| That's the real question. | ||
| It's like, what was the thing that made the primates become a human being? | ||
| Because if you look at what happened to dinosaurs, they just stayed dinosaurs. | ||
| They got effective at staying alive, and then there was no reason to improve. | ||
| I mean, I don't understand natural selection. | ||
| This is just me talking. | ||
| I agree with that. | ||
| But you know what I'm saying? | ||
| It's like they never... | ||
| As far as we know, they never built structures. | ||
| They never developed cell phones. | ||
| As far as we know, we haven't found that yet. | ||
| Imagine we found out they were really smart. | ||
| A paleontologist is like... | ||
| They had computers and everything. | ||
| But when I was a kid and we would go to the Natural History Museum and we'd see the big dinosaur and everything, I was into that, but then I hit that age where I was like, boring, I don't care about dinosaurs, I don't care about robots, let's see some robots. | ||
| And then we'd go back and now I'm like an adult, I'm like, oh yeah, I kind of see what they're talking about because he's got the vertebrae. | ||
| I guess you get smarter when you get older. | ||
| You have more time to think about stuff. | ||
| Yeah, I brought my kids to the museum in New York a few years back. | ||
| They didn't give a fuck about those dinosaurs. | ||
| There's just too much stimulus for them now. | ||
| They're like, oh yeah, big. | ||
| Big thing. | ||
| Even D.C., you ever go to all those great museums? | ||
| You know, they've got all those amazing museums. | ||
| And it's like, after an hour, you're like, okay, well, you know, I got it. | ||
| The Vatican was the wildest one for me. | ||
| No way. | ||
| Have you been to that? | ||
| No. | ||
| It's wild. | ||
| In Vatican City? | ||
| Yeah, in Rome. | ||
| Oh, tell me. | ||
| Tell me about it. | ||
| I'm into that. | ||
| It's billions of dollars in art. | ||
| It's bananas how much art there is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| You're walking through, they give you this guided tour, and you're walking through all this incredible art from 1,000 years ago, 1,500 years ago, 1,200 years ago. | ||
| There's a fucking Egyptian obelisk in the center of this town court area. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Where the Vatican is. | ||
| It's a giant Egyptian obelisk. | ||
| How did you get this here? | ||
|
unidentified
|
How do they do that? | |
| Is it like a club? | ||
| Do they wand you? | ||
| Like when you go in? | ||
| Is it like that kind of a scene? | ||
| No, you have to... | ||
| I mean, it's a tourist trap, right? | ||
| So everybody goes to the Vatican. | ||
| They have all these tourists to the Vatican. | ||
| And they just guide you through the Vatican. | ||
| You get to look at all this artwork. | ||
| Why? | ||
| It's a sovereign nation within the whole thing. | ||
| Within Rome. | ||
| They can make their own laws. | ||
| They got their own money, whatever they got. | ||
| You can't extradite people. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, sanctuary. | ||
| So if you get in trouble, wink, wink, you know. | ||
| You head over there. | ||
| Sometimes you've heard priests get in trouble. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, that's what they do. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They stick them over there. | ||
| They hide them. | ||
| And then you can't go anywhere. | ||
| And they can't take you out of there. | ||
| But it's a great place to live. | ||
| Do they have all pictures of the Popes? | ||
| I'm sure they do. | ||
| I didn't see it all. | ||
| One thing they did have in the center of this area is this huge pine cone. | ||
| That's how me and this guy bonded. | ||
| He's like, do you know the significance of the pine cone? | ||
| I said, the pineal gland, right? | ||
| He's like, yes. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And he was like, oh, he got into it. | ||
| I go, so this is like a psychedelic drug reference. | ||
| He goes, yes. | ||
| He goes, it's probably what it was. | ||
| They're not exactly sure but there's some significance to this gland that they thought at one point in time was like the seed of the soul and that this gland is like the third eye. | ||
| On reptiles it actually has a retina or a lens. | ||
| It's like placed where the third eye would be in Eastern mysticism and so that gland is always thought to have these magical properties. | ||
| Do you think they used like hallucinogenic psychotic drugs during their ceremonies? | ||
| I think they did. | ||
| And that's the subject of a book called The Sacred Mushroom and the Cross. | ||
| This guy, John Marco Allegro, who was hired to decipher the Dead Sea Scrolls. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And this was like a project that took like 14 years, and they were like looking at this, the oldest version of the Bible. | ||
| And at the end of this, this guy was like an ordained minister, but he became agnostic as he's studying theology, and he found the similarities in all these different stories. | ||
| And he came up with this theory, and he wrote this book called The Sacred Mushroom on the Cross, that the entire Christian religion was really about the consumption of psychedelic mushrooms and fertility rituals. | ||
| Really? | ||
| And that all these stories had to do, they were all like ways they hid these ancient ways. | ||
| So if they got like raided by the Romans and like they, if you imagine if some people lived, you know, 3,000, 4,000 years ago and they found a bunch of mushrooms and they started eating We're all going to come together and be together as one, be loving. | ||
| And they wrote down all these ideas and these stories, and they first of all passed them down orally before they even figured out how to write things for like a thousand years. | ||
| And then they started writing them down. | ||
| Like that sounds like what the story would be. | ||
| And he traced back the word Jesus to an ancient Sumerian word that means a mushroom covered in God's semen. | ||
| No way. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Really? | ||
| See, it's hard for me to know who's right and who's wrong, right? | ||
| Because if you wanted to break that down, you'd have to have this very complex understanding of these ancient languages, and there's no way I can know if he's right. | ||
| I didn't even know mushrooms were like—I thought it was like a regional thing. | ||
| No, but they were all over the world. | ||
| I thought it was like North America, Europe. | ||
| I didn't know it was like everywhere. | ||
| I didn't know that. | ||
| Well, they're definitely all over the world. | ||
| And there's psychedelic compounds that are all over the world. | ||
| There's certain places where they haven't found use of psychedelic compounds, where there's not like an extended history of use. | ||
| But there's stuff like the ayahuasca and the Amazon, thousands of years, thousands and thousands of years. | ||
| Mushrooms in Mexico. | ||
| I think that we do it, of course, like for the party of it. | ||
| Like very few people do it for like this enlightening thing. | ||
| But back in the day, it was like for tea. | ||
| Like they would make it into a tea. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And that became like, let's say you were sick or like you said, you were heading on a vision or something like that. | ||
| But like the way we do any kind of drug now is really not how it was done or why it was done back then. | ||
| I know that. | ||
| You know what happened? | ||
| They poured water on all that shit in the 60s. | ||
| The 60s and the 70s. | ||
|
unidentified
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Uh-huh. | |
| When they made all psychedelic drugs illegal in, I think it was 1970, this sweeping psychedelics act, they put everybody in jail. | ||
| They started raiding people. | ||
| They clamped down on people. | ||
| And marijuana arrests, all that. | ||
| You'd go to jail in some places for the rest of your life if you got caught selling marijuana. | ||
| So it was a scary-ass time, and they put the kibosh on what drugs were. | ||
| Because before then, for most of history, people have used all kinds of drugs. | ||
| They've used opium. | ||
| They've used cannabis. | ||
| They've used mushrooms. | ||
| And in different cultures, they're a part of rituals that they would do. | ||
| And this guy, Brian Mirorescu, they actually opened up a field of study at Harvard about this particular subject because of his work. | ||
| He found that the ancient Greeks, that what they were doing when they had these enlightenment ceremonies, they all get together and talk, and what was it called? | ||
| Lucidian mysteries? | ||
| Yes, that's how you say it. | ||
| They found that they had psychedelic compounds in all their wine. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| So when they were drinking wine, they were talking about wine, their wine had, like, drugs in it. | ||
| Really? | ||
| So they were tripping balls while they were drinking wine. | ||
| No idea. | ||
| I knew that wine was, like, pretty much the only safe drink, you know, because I've been... | ||
| Right, right, right. | ||
| I love those documentaries, like, you know, that was the only, like, type of water that they would drink because everything else was, like, you know, people bathed in it, you know, the animals, you know, whatever in it. | ||
| So that wine was really the way... | ||
| Because everybody's like, oh, they were drunk all the time. | ||
| It's like, no, they were just trying to be safe, you know? | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| Yeah, well, then that's how they figured out how to be safe. | ||
| They would drink beer. | ||
| They would drink beer and wine. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But these guys were just... | ||
| What Mero Rescu is saying is that, like, in these ceremonies, when they're talking about wine, all their wine they mixed with stuff. | ||
| They mixed with different herbs and spices, and they would also mix with psychedelics, and they mixed with ergot. | ||
| So they're mixing their wine with this stuff that is a compound that causes psychedelic visions. | ||
| It's very similar to LSD. So they found this stuff in these wine vessels. | ||
| So now they have definitive proof that these people are doing this. | ||
| So now they're going over all these fables and stories and all these different ways. | ||
| Oh, yeah, I get it. | ||
| This is how they figured out democracy. | ||
| I mean, democracy came from these conversations. | ||
| I totally get that now. | ||
| They were tripping balls! | ||
| But LSD, that's all man-made, right? | ||
| Well, LSD is... | ||
| But there's a natural equivalent version of it. | ||
| There's natural compounds like ergot. | ||
| Let's see what's the difference between ergot and LSD. Ergot can kill you, too, though. | ||
| One of the things it does is it gets on rye, and when there's frosts, And the rye gets like an early frost, and then when it comes back from the frost, a lot of times it's poisoned by ergot in places where that stuff exists. | ||
| And that shit is responsible for the 1950s. | ||
| There was like ergot poisoning in this farm or this town in France where they had a similar thing. | ||
| And people started having visions of hell, and they thought they were dying. | ||
| They were all tripping balls, and some of them did die from the poisoning of it. | ||
| Ergot. | ||
| Ergot does not contain lysergic acid diethylamide, but instead contains lysergic acid as well as its precursor ergotamine. | ||
| So lysergic acid is a precursor for the synthesis of LSD. So it has some sort of LSD-like It says, thankfully, LSD hallucinations are very different from the fiery visions of poor ergot victims. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Has somebody done that? | ||
| Like, anybody modern, like, anybody recently did? | ||
| Oh, that's a good question. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It seems dangerous. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because a bunch of people, it's poisonous. | ||
| See, ergot, look at LSD's poisonous precursor. | ||
| So it, the people, Google 1950s farm France visions of hell. | ||
| So they got ergot poisoning and people started seeing like demons and hellfire and a bunch of people died. | ||
| Amazing. | ||
| It was real bad. | ||
| It was real bad where people were poisoned by it. | ||
| Worse than coronavirus, this mysterious illness drove many to hell in the 1950s. | ||
| In the 1950s, people who suffered from the illness most likely ate bread made with contaminated rye flour. | ||
| Most of the victims in France hallucinated visions of hell. | ||
| The hallucinations were also thought to be witchcraft and 20 people were hanged. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| Holy fuck, man. | ||
| Yeah, there you go. | ||
| Some of them had tried to throw themselves out of their windows to stop the imagination. | ||
| Almost 300 people in the region were taken to hospitals and five died and 60 people ended up in psychiatric wards. | ||
| But the suffering did not stop easily for many as some of the affected people again started to hallucinate the visions of hell almost a month later. | ||
| So it was the rye. | ||
| Yeah, and it killed some of them. | ||
| So while many medical experts and historians claim that such mental health issues could have occurred due to rye ergot fungus, a parasite that latches onto rye crops and also wheat, barley, oats, and wild grains, in today's world this mysterious ill still sparks debate in the medical world. | ||
| But it makes sense if they could do a core sample, if they could do some sort of sample and find ergot or find that there was at least evidence of the environment where ergot could grow well. | ||
| What a cool name, Hellfire. | ||
| So that's also responsible for the, they think, the Salem witch trials. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Same sort of thing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Which is pretty crazy. | ||
| It's cool to look at these events with this kind of knowledge. | ||
| Oh, there it is. | ||
| Historians and chemists claim the Greeks were using ergot as a chemical weapon and a psychoactive drug during the celebrations of the Eleusinian Mysteries, which were the secret rituals of the Mystery School of Ulysses and were observed regularly from 1600 BCE to 392 CE. Wow. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
|
unidentified
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Wow. | |
| That's crazy. | ||
| So they did that for almost 2,000 years. | ||
| So for almost 2,000 years, they were tripping balls. | ||
| How do you come down off of that? | ||
| I mean, honestly. | ||
| Well, I think the Romans put the kibosh on it. | ||
| I think what happens is the leaders put the kibosh on it. | ||
| And with Murrow Rescue's work, the book's called The Immortality Key. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| I listened to the audio version of it, and Brian does the reading of it, which is fantastic because he's a A great orator. | ||
| Nobody knows more about this subject than he does. | ||
| But he said that they moved to other European countries. | ||
| There's evidence that they had these rituals in other places when they got kicked out of Greece. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| I can't believe that. | ||
| Wild shit, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I really didn't know there was anything like LSD because I've always thought that that was kind of the top rung of whatever. | ||
| But yeah, of course, it has to... | ||
| The idea has to come from somewhere, you know? | ||
| Well, you know, Albert Hoffman found LSD. I think they were working on a drug to induce labor. | ||
| No way. | ||
| Yeah, I think the drug was being developed to induce labor in pregnant women. | ||
| And then he was working with it. | ||
| I know I'm fucking this up. | ||
| I'm sorry if people are listening. | ||
| But he was working with it, and I think he got it on his hands, and then he went on a bike ride home, and he realized he was tripping balls. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And figured out, I think from that bike ride, that he had figured something out, and that he had created this thing. | ||
| And that's LSD. I know they use it for the PTSD. They use it for a lot of things. | ||
| There's a lot of therapeutic ways to use the drugs. | ||
| So, unfortunately, I think you've got to go. | ||
| Is it legal here yet or you've got to go to Mexico to do it? | ||
| I don't think it's legal here. | ||
| It's still Schedule 1. But I think that's also some of the shit they did with mind control experiments. | ||
| The MKUltra shit in the 1960s. | ||
| They used to give it to John's when they would go to brothels. | ||
| That's like the CIA... I saw that guy jumping out the window. | ||
| Operation Midnight Climax. | ||
| I guess that's a whole other world of intrigue. | ||
| They would hire prostitutes to give these guys LSD. So these guys would go to these whorehouses thinking they're just going to have some fun. | ||
| And then all of a sudden they're dosed up with LSD and people are watching them through two-way windows. | ||
| I guess they were trying to figure out a way to break a guy to get his secrets, right? | ||
| I think they were doing that. | ||
| I think they tried it as a truth serum, and then they were going to use it to interrogate people on, and then it didn't really work that way. | ||
| And then they were trying to use it to program people's minds, and they did a bunch of experiments with that. | ||
| That's Timothy McVeigh. | ||
| No, not Timothy McVeigh. | ||
| Leary. | ||
| Timothy Leary? | ||
| Ted Kaczynski. | ||
| Ted Kaczynski. | ||
| That guy was a part of the Harvard LSD studies. | ||
| Oh, well, that makes some sense, right? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| They cooked his fucking noggin. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think they cooked a lot of people's noggins. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Now, would you, if this something was like where you're like, you know, I could, you can't do it recreationally, right? | ||
| You got to do it like, you know, like with an expert with you. | ||
| Yeah, I think if in a perfect world we would have centers where you could go and you could do psychedelics under medical supervision with people who are experts who know the right dose, who have a comfortable setting and have medical staff on hand in case anything goes sideways. | ||
| That's what you're supposed to do. | ||
| If you just do an acid that you got from some guy who works at the gas station, who fucking knows what's gonna happen. | ||
| Well, I missed that whole boat, I guess. | ||
| But I would definitely see how the LSD, like, I just heard it's like, one of those things like, you want to quit smoking? | ||
| LSD. You want to do this? | ||
| LSD. Like, that's really the way to go, you know? | ||
| Mushrooms seem to have a similar effect. | ||
| So there's something that I haven't done. | ||
| It's supposed to be real rough, though. | ||
| It's called Ibogaine. | ||
| And Ibogaine is from the aboga tree, and it's apparently the best thing ever for getting people to quit any bad habits. | ||
| Really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, if you've got an addiction to whatever the fuck it is, especially like hard stuff like pills, opiates and stuff. | ||
| From pills to porn. | ||
| Yeah, all the above. | ||
| But it's apparently like ruthlessly introspective and it lasts a long time and it's very uncomfortable for people. | ||
| Is that a South American thing too? | ||
| You can get that in Mexico for sure. | ||
| I know there's a lot of people that go down to Mexico to have those experiences because it's illegal in America for whatever reason. | ||
| But it does something to actually reprogram your brain. | ||
| Google that. | ||
| How does Ibogaine reprogram your brain to bypass addiction or to cure addiction? | ||
| I think it just gives you an understanding of where it's coming from, like where your impulsive, ridiculous, self-destructive, I have to gamble every day, where is that coming from? | ||
| And it shows you where it's coming from in some way. | ||
| Ibogaine may work in reversing the effects of opiates on gene expression, with resulting impacts on neuroreceptors, returning them to a pre-addiction condition, which is crazy. | ||
| Furthermore, addictive loops and pathways in the brain are reversed. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah, so... | ||
| That should be everywhere, right? | ||
| Should that be here? | ||
| If that was here, that would be a billion dollar business. | ||
| I mean, everybody would be taking that. | ||
| Everybody should be. | ||
| I mean, if you are a person who's addicted to opiates and there's a way that can actually, if that's true, stop the pathway and even reverse it, why aren't we encouraging that? | ||
| That seems like we have a giant problem in this country. | ||
| It's the number one thing that kills young people age 18 to 49 is fentanyl overdose. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's some scary stuff. | ||
| Fucking terrifying, man. | ||
| Hey, do you know, let me ask you another question. | ||
| You know all this stuff, so what do you think of this cold therapy stuff? | ||
| You know what I'm talking about? | ||
| Like, we've all done the cold shower, but like, you know, there's people, it's almost like, you know, the cold will not only reset your brain, but it also, like, with your body, it sends, I don't even know what it does, but it seems like it would work, because I've taken, like, multiple cold showers, and I'm like, I do feel like my brain is working better. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, what do you think of that stuff? | ||
| We do it. | ||
| We have one here if you want to do it. | ||
| You have a chill tank? | ||
| Yeah, a cold plunge. | ||
| Nice. | ||
| We've got this blue cube. | ||
| How long do you have to do that for that to really kick in? | ||
| You have to do that over... | ||
| It's got to be a lifestyle. | ||
| You've got to do that every day, right? | ||
| It's not going to happen one time. | ||
| It's good for a lifestyle. | ||
| That's why a cold plunge like a Morosco Forge or a Blue Cube, those are the best ways. | ||
| And there's some other companies, I'm sure, that make them. | ||
| That's the best way to do it because if you have something that's always cold, you can do it every day. | ||
| Otherwise, you're going to have to buy ice every day. | ||
| So unless you have an ice machine, if you have an ice machine, maybe that's the way. | ||
| But do you really think that that... | ||
| But it's not as cold. | ||
| Like, that's a great way to fight depression and all that kind of stuff? | ||
| It makes you feel really good. | ||
| It does. | ||
| Yeah, and a combination with that and a sauna is my absolute favorite. | ||
| Oh, yeah, that's a spritz. | ||
| Yeah, I love that. | ||
| That's cool. | ||
| To get in a nice hot sauna and then go right into the cold water and then you let your body warm up after the cold water. | ||
| Don't go in the sauna again. | ||
| Just let your body naturally warm up. | ||
| And that's where you get the most benefit out of it. | ||
| And you feel, whoa, afterwards. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Great. | ||
| But you are definitely awake after the cold. | ||
| A lot of people like to do it first thing in the morning. | ||
| I know guys who are doing that instead of a cold shower. | ||
| In fact, I think one of the Gracies did a video about it. | ||
| That would help me. | ||
| Yeah, it's a good way to get the morning going. | ||
| I think a lot of people do it now. | ||
| They just jump in there for a couple minutes. | ||
| You feel like you accomplished something, like you faced something that you didn't want to do. | ||
| And you're like, I did it. | ||
| Now the whole day's ahead of me. | ||
| Yeah, if you can get through three minutes of suck to start your day, the rest of the day's suck, it's going to be minor in comparison. | ||
| It's fucking cold in there, man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's hard. | ||
| You've got to just dig in and do it. | ||
| You've got to tighten up your bowels. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yikes! | |
| And then just fucking woo! | ||
| Yeah, that's another thing. | ||
| But if you do it on a regular basis, there's definitely benefits to it. | ||
| Definitely benefits to reducing inflammation and chemicals like this norepinephrine, I think, is what gets released. | ||
| You feel real good afterwards. | ||
| There's this guy, I guess he's the cold man, and he knows everything about that. | ||
| You mean the ice man? | ||
| The ice man, yeah. | ||
| I'm talking about a guy who sits in a bath of coal. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| I think he has the world record for sitting in an ice bath, doesn't he? | ||
| He's the guy. | ||
| Something crazy. | ||
| He did like nine hours or some shit. | ||
| He's like, this is the answer to everything. | ||
| Yeah, what was his world record? | ||
| This guy, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, that's him. | ||
| That is fucking awesome. | ||
| Look at him. | ||
| Wim Hof. | ||
| He's the fucking man. | ||
| And he's all about deep breathing exercises. | ||
| He's a powerful presence, too. | ||
| When you're around that guy, you get nervous. | ||
| Look at him with the iceberg. | ||
| He just climbs in water. | ||
| But it's all his breathing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, there's courses that he has online. | ||
| He teaches you his Wim Hof method of breathing. | ||
| Very interesting guy. | ||
| Very, very unusual. | ||
| There's not a whole lot of dudes like him. | ||
| That's something I should do. | ||
| But you smoke cigarettes. | ||
| I know. | ||
| Well, it would be some deep wheezing. | ||
| Wim Hof, oh my god. | ||
| One hour and 52 minutes. | ||
| One hour and 52 minutes and 42 seconds, something most people can only tolerate for a few seconds. | ||
| How cold was it? | ||
| That's like torture. | ||
| That's like what they do when they torture you. | ||
| How cold was the ice bath? | ||
| That's insane. | ||
| Oh man. | ||
| That's so long. | ||
| Look, he's getting a CAT scan. | ||
| Doesn't say how cold it was. | ||
| Like, his brain must be wired so differently now from, like, years of that. | ||
| Well, he traversed Mount Everest with sandals on. | ||
| I'm not kidding. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, he had, like, ice sandals. | ||
| See, we can show that picture of him. | ||
| He's in shorts with ice sandals. | ||
| Like, to, like, pass the base camp all the way? | ||
| Yeah, to go to the top. | ||
| Holy... | ||
| Wow! | ||
| Is that... | ||
| I think that's suicidal. | ||
| No, he says it's easy. | ||
| He didn't get any kind of frostbite or anything? | ||
| He doesn't want to do it again because it's too easy. | ||
| It's amazing what you could do if you really have that. | ||
| Look at him. | ||
| When was that? | ||
| Dude, he's on top of Mount Everest in his shorts. | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| What the fuck, dude? | ||
| This is like a north face. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| This guy's out there in his shorts. | ||
| On top of Mount Everest. | ||
| What's going on there? | ||
| And he looks like a regular guy. | ||
| That's what's crazy. | ||
| When you see him, he doesn't even look like an athlete. | ||
| He looks like Luke Rockhold or something. | ||
| He looks like a regular guy. | ||
| And it's all... | ||
| And he's just like, it's his breathing and his mind and, you know, he was a yoga instructor at one point in time. | ||
| He befriended the cold. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's mastered areas of human performance that most people can't even begin to comprehend. | ||
| And he's done it through breath work. | ||
| It's really interesting. | ||
| Tense guy. | ||
| Were you ever that kind of guy? | ||
| Like where you were like, you know, like a marathon running, like, you know, a run guy? | ||
| No, I never did a marathon. | ||
| I used to run with my dog in the hills, but I was never like a runner. | ||
| Yeah, that was like, there's like some people like... | ||
| They get that high. | ||
| They get a high, for sure. | ||
| I see them every day in New York. | ||
| I'm like, why are you doing this? | ||
| They definitely get a high. | ||
| There's a runner's high that's legit. | ||
| It's some release of endorphins and all your blood's flowing and your mind thinks really well. | ||
| So you can clear your mind from a good aerobic, I mean it doesn't have to be a run, but the idea is aerobic exercise. | ||
| Something about good aerobic exercise just it drains your body of bullshit and it gives you like a fresh perspective. | ||
| You just, your body feels better when you do something like that, you know? | ||
| Do you do anything physical? | ||
| I go to the gym in my clothes. | ||
| I wear these same clothes at the gym. | ||
| Do you really? | ||
| I was doing kettlebells for a while and I felt like that was a perfect fit for me. | ||
| And then after a while I just moved on to other stuff. | ||
| Why do you go to the gym in regular clothes? | ||
| I'm not a gym guy. | ||
| I never feel comfortable there. | ||
| They don't tell you you have to wear gym clothes? | ||
| No, they're cool with me because I'm like the old guy at the gym. | ||
| And it's like a legit, it's like a fight. | ||
| It's a fight gym. | ||
| It's a fight gym? | ||
| A lot of Muay Thai. | ||
| Really? | ||
| All that kind of stuff. | ||
| So it's funny in the locker room where I'm like, am I sweaty? | ||
| And these kids, they're all like tatted up. | ||
| I always say it's like walking into a Malaysian prison. | ||
| You know, it's like tigers on someone's back and there's like crazy eyes, you know, staring at you, this stink eye. | ||
| But like, they're really cool to me. | ||
| And like, you know, the kettlebells, I was doing that for a while, but To be honest, like on the road, I think I've always gotten the most out of just like jumping rope. | ||
| Jumping rope's great. | ||
| Push-ups and sit-ups and things like that. | ||
| Just stuff you could do in your room. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But now it's like always about like, oh, where's the hotel gym? | ||
| I got to get down there and do my... | ||
| It's like, that's not for me, you know? | ||
| One of my best workouts I ever did in a hotel room, I was... | ||
| I just pushed the bed to the side and I did yoga. | ||
| I just followed a book and I felt so good after it was over. | ||
| I was like, look at that. | ||
| I just did it just in this room by myself. | ||
| Don't you think yoga is the most misunderstood? | ||
| I know a lot of people who are like, I've got to lose weight so I'm going to start doing some yoga. | ||
| I'm like, that's not really going to do that for you. | ||
| You're talking about a long-term thing here. | ||
| It takes a long time for that to even take effect on you. | ||
| Yoga can make you lose weight for sure, but dieting makes you lose weight. | ||
| Right. | ||
| That's really what you got to do that's different. | ||
| What do you think of this intermittent fasting thing? | ||
| It's good. | ||
| It's good? | ||
| Yeah, I think it's good to give your body some chance to digest things. | ||
| Oftentimes we're like packing food on top of food that's not even digested yet and there's more food coming. | ||
| I eat one meal a day and I'm still fat, so I really do. | ||
| When do you eat? | ||
| I eat late, like two, three. | ||
| Like after your show? | ||
| Yeah, I won't eat before because then I get tired. | ||
| It's terrible. | ||
| So you don't eat until, like, 2, 3 in the morning, and then you go to sleep, and you do it all over again the next day? | ||
| Sometimes. | ||
| It's so funny. | ||
| Like, I'll eat, like, at 5 in the morning, and I'm like, oh, this is terrible. | ||
| And then, like, I won't sleep till, like, 11, and I'm like, man... | ||
| You go to sleep at 11 a.m.? | ||
| Like, an adult shouldn't be living like this, you know? | ||
| And I'm not wasted. | ||
| I'm not high or anything like that. | ||
| It's just straight up, like, nerves... | ||
| Tension, you know, just like, you know, trying to finish something, then forget it. | ||
| You know, I'm not going to do it. | ||
| Just sit here and smoke, you know? | ||
| So it's pretty sad, but it's still like, I like that weird, crazy meal at the end of the day. | ||
| Like, I could never eat before I go on stage. | ||
| You know, there's a lot of guys I know who I work with who are like, yeah, I got to eat. | ||
| Like, as they're announcing my name, I need to eat something. | ||
| I need that energy. | ||
| I was never that guy, so... | ||
| I can eat like an hour and a half before, but no later than that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| If it gets an hour before I go on stage, that's not good. | ||
| And you can't eat carbs. | ||
| I've done that before. | ||
| We eat like a bowl of spaghetti and like... | ||
| Or like a steak or something? | ||
| I can eat a steak. | ||
| You can eat a steak right before you go up? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That doesn't seem to be a problem. | ||
| It's what you eat with the steak. | ||
| It's not the steak itself. | ||
| It's usually with me fries and baked potatoes and sour cream. | ||
| I didn't know you ate that kind of stuff. | ||
| I ate that stuff. | ||
| I shouldn't eat that stuff. | ||
| Well, you're in the right place. | ||
| I mean, Texas, I mean, it's almost like a law here. | ||
| You gotta eat that. | ||
| Yeah, most of what I eat, I eat pretty clean. | ||
| But I'll go off the rails every now with some french fries and some bullshit. | ||
| But relatively... | ||
| Better than I've ever been before. | ||
| Like, I'm pretty good with my diet. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But I like food, man. | ||
| Food's fucking delicious. | ||
| I like pizza sometimes. | ||
| Sometimes I think it's important just to give yourself just a little mouth pleasure. | ||
| You just gotta be careful you don't do it too much. | ||
| You know? | ||
| That's all it is. | ||
| I think moderation's good for everybody. | ||
| And do you eat any of those, like, you know, what is it? | ||
| Like, You know, there's all these, like, designer dessert stuff. | ||
| Like, do you do that? | ||
| Nah. | ||
| You're not a chocolate guy, right? | ||
| You know what's great? | ||
| You ever have Craig's vegan ice cream? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| You know Craig's in L.A.? No. | ||
| He makes a vegan ice cream. | ||
| I know you're like, oh my god, vegan. | ||
| It's fucking great. | ||
| It's with cashew butter. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's delicious. | ||
| It's this creamy, delicious ice cream. | ||
| It's not good for you. | ||
| It's got sugar in it. | ||
| But it's vegan though, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| But it's like, if you want to talk about, like, a designer dessert, that one is legit. | ||
| To be honest, I drink coffee all day long. | ||
| Want some? | ||
| Drinking a bottle, I would love some, yeah. | ||
| Drinking a bottle of water is a big deal for me. | ||
| I remember one time I was on the USO tour and we were in Kuwait or Iraq or something like that. | ||
| Cheers. | ||
| To you, buddy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
To you, brother. | |
| It was like 115 degrees. | ||
| Are you hydrating? | ||
| And I go, yeah, I'm drinking all this coffee. | ||
| They go, well, you're going to die because that's taking fluids out of your body. | ||
| You've got to drink just straight up water here. | ||
| I'm like, really? | ||
| And then I felt like I was dizzy. | ||
| I'm like, where's that water, buddy? | ||
| Hey, let me get a hose. | ||
| I think you get some water from coffee, but it's also a diuretic. | ||
| Coffee is terrible, man. | ||
| I'll drink it all night. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| You do? | ||
| Yeah, I love coffee. | ||
| I love coffee. | ||
| I kind of see you as a guy with like, you've conquered all these demons, you know? | ||
| Yeah, but sometimes I like to dance with them. | ||
| I can dance with the demon of coffee, especially. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| The demon of marijuana. | ||
| I do know that if I don't drink it, I get like that super headache, you know, of like, where's the coffee? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I did that before. | |
| Your brain, that's a tough thing to quit. | ||
| It's a weird one because you realize you're addicted and you didn't know. | ||
| You're like, ooh, I woke up and I had a headache. | ||
| I'm like, oh my God. | ||
| But that was actually sodas. | ||
| I was drinking these sodas. | ||
| I got into this kick of writing really late at night and I would drink these sodas. | ||
| They had these crazy small batch sodas they were selling in LA. They were spicy, they had crazy levels of caffeine in them, and they had skulls on the label and shit, and all these wild labels. | ||
| Like death coffee, right? | ||
| Something like that, but it was filled with sugar and filled with caffeine. | ||
| And I was drinking those things when I was writing. | ||
| And I was getting so much caffeine. | ||
| And then one day I woke up in the morning and I didn't have one. | ||
| And I didn't have any coffee or anything. | ||
| And I had a headache. | ||
| And I was like, oh no. | ||
| Your brain needs it. | ||
| I'm addicted. | ||
| I have a headache because I'm not getting the caffeine. | ||
| I'm like, this is not good. | ||
| You know, when I was a little kid, my mom used to give us a cup of tea before we went to bed. | ||
| I guess she had like an English thing, like we were little English lords and ladies. | ||
| But I was like, even then I was knowing like, hey, I don't think we're supposed to be drinking this kind of drink right before, maybe hot chocolate or cocoa or something. | ||
| But it's like, you know, you're sitting in your bed, you're buzzing, you know, you're like 12, you know. | ||
| So I was like, I think that's where it started. | ||
| You know, I need that kind of caffeine going there. | ||
| Well, they give you sugar first. | ||
| Sugar breakfast cereal, that's the biggest jolt of fucking drugs you're ever going to get as a kid. | ||
| Remember those? | ||
| I love it. | ||
| The only place you see those old brands now, you have to go to a really D-level hotel when they give you the free breakfast. | ||
| There you are, Honeycomb's Jr. I knew sugar paps didn't go out of style. | ||
| I had some the other day. | ||
| I forgot where I was. | ||
| Well, Froot Loops is classic, so... | ||
| I just haven't had it in a long time and it looked good. | ||
| I'm like, let me try that. | ||
| I forget what it was. | ||
| I think it was Honey Nut Cheerios. | ||
| That's what it was. | ||
| And I was like, this is fucking delicious. | ||
| Your kids, do they like, because these kids, I don't even know, I guess it took with this organic food thing, they love to talk about it, and is there an organic omelet or some kind of stuff like that? | ||
| They don't eat that kind of stuff, right? | ||
| They eat everything. | ||
| Oh, they do? | ||
| Okay, that's good. | ||
| Yeah, but they eat healthy. | ||
| They see us eating healthy, but we eat bullshit, too. | ||
| I'll let them eat Cheetos and fucking, you know, have some fun. | ||
| But it's also like your foundation of what's fueling your body should be really good nutrition. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So they'll take vitamin supplements and they're smart. | ||
| They're smart. | ||
| They eat healthy. | ||
| They know the difference between good meal and bad meal. | ||
| Yeah, but it's also like we don't put pressure. | ||
| Like my pressure is like I want you to get nutrition, but I also say let's have fun. | ||
| Let's go have some dessert. | ||
| Let's go eat some bullshit. | ||
| Have a churro. | ||
| Let's fuck around. | ||
| You know, both those things. | ||
| Let's talk about the menu at the new club. | ||
| What are we thinking? | ||
| No menu. | ||
| No food. | ||
| Fuck out of here. | ||
| You don't want food in comedy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's a table combination. | |
| I always love when they have an extensive menu. | ||
| Oh, no! | ||
| Don't you want to hear a lobster tail as a guy does an impression? | ||
| People are clinking and cutting chicken parmesan right in front of you. | ||
| Get out of here. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| You ever worked in Lexington, Kentucky? | ||
| No, I don't think... | ||
| Maybe I did. | ||
| That's bourbon country. | ||
| No, I did. | ||
| Wasn't there an improv there? | ||
| I forget what the name of the club was. | ||
| I think I did it one night. | ||
| It was a little club. | ||
| They're a great crowd. | ||
| Louisville, Lexington, whatever. | ||
| It's a cool region, a cool market, nothing like it. | ||
| But I was like, so what's on the menu here? | ||
| And they're like, bourbon? | ||
| What else do you need? | ||
| It's like, people come here, they're gonna drink, and they're gonna watch you, and that's it. | ||
| There's not gonna be any kind of fancy, you know, this isn't a fancy sit-down, you know. | ||
| It's like, let's get the business. | ||
| And I was like, good. | ||
| That's the way to do it. | ||
| Perfect. | ||
| The places with food, I get it. | ||
| You're trying to make some extra money, and also trying to kill two birds with one stone. | ||
| Go and have some food, watch a good comedy show, nothing wrong with that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But it's not ideal. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It does get in the way. | ||
| It's just weird. | ||
| I'm just used to it now, where there's the food on the tables, and you can see the people with the spinach dip waiting on the punchline. | ||
| But it's fine. | ||
| That's cool, too. | ||
| It's no big deal, but it's just I don't want to do it in my club. | ||
| I don't mind it. | ||
| I'm not a snob. | ||
| If I go to somewhere and people are eating, it's fun. | ||
| But it's not the best way to do it. | ||
| Oh, for sure. | ||
| The best way to do it is your phones are locked up in a yonder bag, you're fucking sitting there, and you're just focused. | ||
| You're having fun. | ||
| Have a few drinks, or not, you know, whatever. | ||
| Have a good time. | ||
| You just were at MSG, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's nothing like that room, you know? | ||
| That's a wild room. | ||
| It's a weird room to be doing stand-up in. | ||
| It just seems so strange. | ||
| I mean, I did that 9-11 benefit there, and there was so many great comics on it. | ||
| Chappelle closed it out, of course. | ||
| There's no other way to do it. | ||
| And Stuart was there, and Mulaney, and Michael Che. | ||
| Everyone was there. | ||
| And they also had guys like me. | ||
| We were coming in and doing stuff. | ||
| It was like, the sound was perfect, and everybody there, they had a drink maybe, or something like that, but there was really no food or anything like that. | ||
| Everybody was focused on the show. | ||
| You could almost feel it, because I'm coming from the club world, and you're like, there's a lot of things going on. | ||
| Somebody's bringing out a fiery dish, all that kind of stuff. | ||
| So it was a different kind of game. | ||
| Well, you should do more of those big shows, because they're fun. | ||
| I don't know if I could... | ||
| I'll bring you with me. | ||
| I'll do it. | ||
| Come on, let's do something. | ||
| If I'm ever in the neighborhood, I would love to go up and just say hi. | ||
| Come on, we'll book something together. | ||
| All right, let's do it. | ||
| Let's do it. | ||
| Let's have some fun. | ||
| Let's split the difference. | ||
| I can't sell out Madison Square Garden, but I think I could sell out the Dwayne Reed next to it. | ||
| So let's go there. | ||
| Maybe we'll stop a smash and grab. | ||
| That would be great. | ||
| We can kill two birds with one stone. | ||
| I saw a smash and grab today on YouTube. | ||
| It was wild. | ||
| They just went into this store and started ripping cell phones off the walls. | ||
| It's definitely not Ocean's Eleven. | ||
| These kids, they're freestyling it. | ||
| And they're all wearing masks, which you're allowed to wear now. | ||
| So it's like, how are you going to catch them? | ||
| You like made wearing masks okay. | ||
| So everyone's wearing a mask and they're just running in there and stealing shit. | ||
| This stuff is like, honestly, it's like, I never thought this was going to be on the other side of this, but the thing that's really getting me now, and I think you probably will agree, is that like, you know, I don't know, I hate to be hacky and do kind of a joke, but it's like, I didn't know as Americans we have the right to like, go to a fast food place and if there's something wrong, we can hop the counter and beat a man to death. | ||
| Like, I didn't know that. | ||
| Whatever happened to just eating what you get or walking away? | ||
| Like, somehow this is like some kind of honor killing. | ||
| You have to... | ||
| Confront this man. | ||
| This poor kid. | ||
| This poor kid making seven bucks an hour. | ||
| You have to confront him and like, you know, whatever. | ||
| It's ridiculous. | ||
| I never thought I would live to see that. | ||
| It really blows me away. | ||
| There's nothing like a late night fast food barn brawl. | ||
| Well, this is not like a punch up. | ||
| Like, hey, what did you say to me at the rodeo? | ||
| You know, hey, this is like full tilt. | ||
| But those barn burner brawls where people like everybody's piling on top of everybody and smashing like a barroom brawl. | ||
| Like an OK Corral. | ||
| An OK Corral fight at a 2 a.m. | ||
| Waffle House or something. | ||
| The IHOP. Everyone's favorite throw-down joint. | ||
| There's something about getting drunk people late at night in those fucking places. | ||
| And the poor people that work there, honestly, it's like they should be getting combat pay. | ||
| How often do you see a brawl at a fucking Waffle House if you work there? | ||
| Like every other day. | ||
| And the people who do work there are like shell-shocked. | ||
| They got that thousand-yard stare. | ||
| It's like, what are you having? | ||
| You know, they're like looking, like checking the corners. | ||
| How about just the fact that, like, there's no late night food anymore. | ||
| Everything closes early. | ||
| People are afraid to stay open. | ||
| What is this one? | ||
|
unidentified
|
The guy who had the axe. | |
| He pulled an axe out of his back. | ||
| Yeah, that was in New York. | ||
| That's one of ours. | ||
| This guy took all these punches. | ||
| Why is he getting beat up? | ||
| I don't know what happened. | ||
| It's like the same normal thing, you know, like a fight at McDonald's at night. | ||
| Then he pulls out the axe. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah? | |
| Yes. | ||
| I'm from New York. | ||
| The axe man. | ||
| He starts fucking everybody up. | ||
| This guy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And here he is. | |
| That's him? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I talked to him afterwards. | |
| Right on the street. | ||
| Right on the street. | ||
| Look at his ears. | ||
| You got the holes? | ||
| Giant holes in his ears? | ||
| This guy is ready to go, man. | ||
| He had an axe with him. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You can get him at Home Depot. | ||
| That's what he said. | ||
| He might be in trouble. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Might be. | |
| It seems like not good, but he did show a little bit of restraint letting those dudes punch him. | ||
| Yeah, no, it was the whole thing of like, that's all you got. | ||
| He kept saying, that's all you got. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The video went viral because of that, but... | |
| Fuck, man. | ||
| That's just another day in New York. | ||
| Did you see the Wawa in Philadelphia? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| See that video? | ||
| It's hilarious. | ||
| This lady goes, are you going to make sandwiches or are you just going to keep recording them? | ||
| She wants her sandwich made. | ||
| Can you believe it? | ||
| She's behind the counter. | ||
| And she's so nonplussed by this chaos behind her. | ||
| She's like, are you guys going to make sandwiches or are you just going to keep recording them? | ||
| I want a fucking sandwich. | ||
| I don't care about this. | ||
| That's amazing because when you're not from Philly, you love a Wawa. | ||
| You're like, man, this is so much better than 7-Eleven. | ||
| This is so much better than everything. | ||
| And then for them to desecrate it like that. | ||
| It's the craziest, like, group activity in a store that I've ever seen. | ||
| Because they all just decided to go nuts. | ||
| It's mayhem. | ||
| And it's not a small amount of people. | ||
| It's mayhem. | ||
| It's a lot of fucking people. | ||
| And they're just grabbing shit off the shelves and throwing shit on the ground. | ||
|
unidentified
|
This girl, she just wants a sandwich. | |
| But at least she beat the line, you know, while everybody's distracted. | ||
| Oh my god, this is so crazy. | ||
| Philadelphia police said they found approximately 100 juveniles inside the Wawa, but made no arrests. | ||
| Why would you arrest somebody? | ||
| I mean, why make an arrest? | ||
| It happened to me when I was at a 7-Eleven here. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Just one guy, though. | |
| I was going to walk to pay for a Snickers bar or something, and as I was going to walk up, he just grabbed something and walked right out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The lady's like... | |
| It seemed like it happened on a nightly case, like a nightly basis. | ||
| I'm sure people just steal things now. | ||
| Because in certain places, like in San Francisco, if you don't steal $900 worth of stuff, they don't even do anything. | ||
| They don't. | ||
| So it has to be more than $900 worth of stuff. | ||
| So people are going in there and just stealing whatever the fuck they want. | ||
| As long as it's not $900 worth, they just leave. | ||
| In New York, like, that happens so much that, like, you'll see it happen and then, like, they'll try and be very, like, woke about it. | ||
| Like, you know, hey, you know, people need things, whatever. | ||
| And then you'll see the same guy from the news selling this stuff, like, on the street, like, walking down. | ||
| You need some Tide? | ||
| You need some Tide because they're trying to make some money? | ||
| But at the end of the day, that store will go out of business. | ||
| They'll shut it down. | ||
| I mean, they are a company. | ||
| They've got to make money. | ||
| So five people lost their jobs. | ||
| There's no neighborhood store now for people to get. | ||
| So the whole idea of no one's really getting hurt with this is not true. | ||
| It's really incredible to see how bad it is. | ||
| It's a wild time, Dave. | ||
| It is wild times. | ||
| They really are wild. | ||
| I feel like I'm too old to boost. | ||
| I don't have it in me anymore. | ||
| Were you around in New York in the 90s when it was crazy in Times Square? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Is it like that to you or worse? | ||
| I think that... | ||
| Maybe because I'm older and I'm a homeowner now, I'm like, what is going on here? | ||
| With these kids. | ||
| Yeah, these kids. | ||
| But I think that this is just a sense of entitlement of people allowed to do whatever they want to do, whenever they want to do it, like driving mopeds on the sidewalk, doing all that kind of stuff. | ||
| Hey, if I feel like driving erratically, I'm going to do it. | ||
| If I feel like walking down the street holding a piece of metal and yelling at people, I'm going to do it. | ||
| Because it's more of a... | ||
| Hands-off kind of scene in New York now. | ||
| We're not going to get involved until actually something happens. | ||
| If you've got young kids or business or something like that, you really are in a bad place at the wrong time. | ||
| Outdoor dining there and guys come up and just start screaming at you, rip something off your table, that kind of thing. | ||
| I always tell the tourists that come to the cell, I go, watch out! | ||
| And I'll go like, you know, the way you're holding your bag, don't hold it like that. | ||
| It's too easy. | ||
| You know, like, put it this way. | ||
| They get a little like, like, whoa, I didn't know it was like that. | ||
| And the subway is a whole different world down there. | ||
| You know, that's like, you know, basically... | ||
| The subway's wild. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The subway's wild. | ||
| It's wild to be contained. | ||
| Did you see the video of Henzo Gracie getting in a fight on the subway? | ||
| That was cool. | ||
| He said he fucked his knee up. | ||
| I ran into him like... | ||
| Oh, he did? | ||
| Yeah, I ran into him like, I guess a week and a half or so later. | ||
| Talk about a great situation for what he does. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, that's it. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| And what a terrible move by that guy. | ||
| He's telling him to speak English. | ||
| He's like, my friend, you know. | ||
| He did the right thing though, right? | ||
| He's like trying to deescalate. | ||
| He didn't even hurt him. | ||
| He just threw him to the ground and controlled him and put him in a stranglehold and let him go. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And told him to apologize. | ||
| Well, I don't know if you know. | ||
| It is right there. | ||
| Like, out of all the people to fuck with, you fucked with Henzo Gracie. | ||
| That's such a huge mistake. | ||
| He just controlled him. | ||
| The dude's trying to punch him, and Henzo's on top of him. | ||
| He's like, no, son, you're not going anywhere. | ||
| Head and arm control, half guard, puts a smush down on him, and he's strangling him right now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| That's great. | ||
| It's just a terrible, terrible mistake. | ||
| They didn't roll onto the tracks. | ||
| Out of all the people in the world. | ||
| Oh my god, thank god they didn't. | ||
| That's what's so scary. | ||
| That would've been really tough. | ||
| Pushing people on the track shit. | ||
| Hearing about that kind of stuff. | ||
| Yeah, that's New York, man. | ||
| That's just the way it is. | ||
| There's a lot of towns like that now. | ||
| Just like where it's like, oh, I guess that's the way it is. | ||
| Have you been to Portland lately or no? | ||
| Portland's wild, huh? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Portland is so weird that, like, the Helium Club, they're a very cool club, you know? | ||
| And that neighborhood is kind of like, it's like the warehouse, art district, or something like that. | ||
| And, you know, they have serious, like, housing problem there. | ||
| It's very sad and all that stuff. | ||
| But I talked to somebody who, like, you know, like, whatever, who lives there, and I go, so these people are allowed to, you know, put up, like, whatever they want, wherever they want. | ||
| And he goes, yeah, and they really, you know, like, the sad thing is, like, fires. | ||
| You know, like, something will happen, and, like, you know, it could catch fire. | ||
| They're cooking meth in a tent. | ||
| Could be. | ||
| Yeah, they're cooking meth in a little plastic house. | ||
| What could go wrong? | ||
| So it's like, talk about like, you know, I don't know, like you didn't see that coming. | ||
| No, no one saw that coming. | ||
| I didn't see it. | ||
| Someone just filmed it the other day and sent it to me. | ||
| They were in Portland and showed me this road they went down, all the tents and how crazy it is and how dense it is. | ||
| It's like, wow, you're not going to do anything about that? | ||
| You're just going to let that happen? | ||
| Doesn't that seem like a fucking safety hazard, a public safety hazard, a health hazard, all the above hazards? | ||
| Isn't it litter? | ||
| It's also litter? | ||
| It's litter. | ||
| It's like in New York, they have the outdoor dining. | ||
| Have you seen these things? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The little cabooses? | ||
| It's like a manger. | ||
| It's like basically... | ||
| You know, you might as well do a reenactment in there, you know? | ||
| But, like, they were having, like, people having sex in there and all that, because they were all making jokes about it and everything like that. | ||
| But it's like, why wouldn't they? | ||
| It's, like, too tempting. | ||
| I mean, like, why wouldn't you? | ||
| There's no one in there, would you? | ||
| You gotta, you know, like, christen it, basically, you know? | ||
| Make it your own. | ||
| But it's just, like, filthy and, I don't know. | ||
| I guess, you know, if people really want the grunge of New York, you're seeing it right now. | ||
| Do you still enjoy living there? | ||
| No. | ||
| Have you thought about bailing? | ||
| I can't. | ||
| I can't because of my mom. | ||
| I got to be close. | ||
| I have trouble being on the road more than three or four days because I feel like I can't go overseas. | ||
| I'm afraid that I might have to come back. | ||
| But other than that, you know where I was thinking? | ||
| Vegas. | ||
| Vegas is a great place. | ||
| Yeah, but then the real heat hits me again, and I'm like, I don't know if I could do this 24-7 all year long. | ||
| Vegas has, they got their electrical system down. | ||
| Do they? | ||
| They don't have blackouts in Vegas. | ||
| Think about all the AC they got running, all the casinos, all the money involved. | ||
| They keep the AC on. | ||
| And now that there's like weird stuff happening in Vegas, like a deluge of water, like weird stuff like that. | ||
| Because I have friends who live there and they're like, yeah, it snowed here. | ||
| That was like a couple years ago. | ||
| And then now it's like, yeah, no, there's water on the floor in the casino, you know, that kind of stuff. | ||
| So I guess they're like in the middle of like, you know, whatever the climate change thing is happening. | ||
| You can see it Vegas style, you know? | ||
| Well, I think they got a long period of drought, right? | ||
| So the Lake Mead was drying up. | ||
| How cool is that to find bodies in there? | ||
| Isn't that neat? | ||
| Wild. | ||
| That is really cool. | ||
| We all thought those were stories. | ||
| Now we see it was all real. | ||
| No, there's real bodies in there. | ||
| They found murder victims, all kinds of shit. | ||
| They found a dude stuffed in a drum. | ||
| Yeah, they found boats. | ||
| I think they found like five bodies now. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| Cement. | ||
| What can cement do? | ||
| I mean, just think about what Vegas must have been like during the mob days. | ||
| 70s, yeah. | ||
| Can you imagine? | ||
| That's when it was an adult Vegas, not like now where it's like all these little things to do for kids. | ||
| But it must have been so dangerous. | ||
| Well, Stanhope, I think that's where he started, was in Vegas. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think that's like, he's one of the few guys that started in Vegas. | ||
| Yeah, he did his first... | ||
| There's a scene there now, because you've got to think, they have the Cellar now in Vegas, they have the Laugh Factory in Vegas. | ||
| Jimmy Kimmel's, I think, went under, right? | ||
| No, I think that's still going. | ||
| Is it still going? | ||
| I don't know, but they have, yeah, you're right, they have a couple of rooms. | ||
| Brad Garrett's got a great fucking room. | ||
| Brad Garrett's been there for decades now. | ||
| And they have other rooms, too. | ||
| There's a couple of other rooms. | ||
| Now let me ask you a question. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Vegas versus Atlantic City. | ||
| What do you think? | ||
| I like Vegas better. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I like Atlantic City, but it seems like sometimes it's like a little bit of a bitter, sad Vegas. | ||
| But I love Atlantic City just because of the sadness of it. | ||
| Is it as sad as you like? | ||
| It's one of those where like, you know, you walk out on the boardwalk and you're like, it's immediately a Death Wish movie. | ||
| You know, for some reason there's steam and like there's people coming at you through the steam, you know, fog, weird, you know, scary sounds, a lot of scary, you know, like weird stuff like that. | ||
| We saw quite a few people that looked to be involved in the drug trade. | ||
| Oh, sure. | ||
| It seemed like they were selling and buying and procuring various substances. | ||
| That's a hub. | ||
| Just walking around out there. | ||
| Yeah, but it's better than no Atlantic City. | ||
| Yeah, for sure. | ||
| Shows there are fun. | ||
| Restaurants are great. | ||
| But it's funny, like the same thing with Coney Island, when you look at the pictures from the 40s, like a guy wearing his big suit, his bathing suit, whatever, and then you look at these places now and you're like, what happened? | ||
| How do they fix that? | ||
| How do they fix the homeless problem in Portland and the tents and the chaos and all the extra violence? | ||
| How do they fix it? | ||
| I have no idea. | ||
| I'm not that guy. | ||
| I'm not a big picture guy. | ||
| All I can say is, like, you know, a little good can go a long way. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Like, basically... | ||
| Basically, and I'm not talking about handouts either, like, you know, give a guy a job, you know, that kind of a thing. | ||
| That would probably help. | ||
| I would say there's a lot of people that the lifestyle is just like, you know, like we have a lifestyle. | ||
| There's a lifestyle to live in like off the grid too. | ||
| And that a lot of people would rather, you know, live in a car and like, you know, then have to deal with a lot of these things and do their drug or whatever they want to do. | ||
| And just like, kind of like say, you know, I don't need to be a part of that. | ||
| And if they can get by on very little, then they'll do it, you know. | ||
| But I'm not giving them an excuse. | ||
| I'm just saying I believe in free will. | ||
| And I think you do too, that people do make choices, you know. | ||
| Yeah, I think that's the case sometimes. | ||
| And also the problem is where they're doing it, right? | ||
| Just do it on the city streets. | ||
| You can't just like decide that's where you live. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| We've always had like order in that. | ||
| And that's why people get along so well. | ||
| It's like they observe each other's space. | ||
| True. | ||
| When you have a house in Venice and it's worth five million dollars and right outside your house is like 50 tents. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Who wants to move there? | ||
| No, you can't sell that house now. | ||
| And then if now they're allowing people to like go into your backyard, like they won't kick them out, they won't do anything about it. | ||
| Well, like, you know, the free zone or whatever that was, the free zone in Portland or Seattle, whatever that was, something like that. | ||
| And I was like... | ||
| Yeah, these people are creating their own society. | ||
| Unfortunately, I got a stationary store near this free society, and I'm basically going out of business. | ||
| I got to pull my kid out of college now. | ||
| I was like, well, that's not fair, but don't say that out loud. | ||
| The problem is they were deciding that it was okay to take over people's property by force. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Whether they realize that or not, that's what they're deciding. | ||
| The only reason why people weren't reclaiming all their property and going back into that area is because they were scared. | ||
| So the problem with that is if you decide that you're righteous and you're doing this for a good reason, what if someone decides that they're righteous and then they come in and take it back from you? | ||
| And then you're just legalizing, stealing through an ideology. | ||
| Like, you think it's okay, capitalism is evil, and fuck the police, and we're gonna run this place on our own. | ||
| But if you notice what happened, they immediately started behaving like warlords. | ||
| They attacked people, they pulled out phones, they beat people up, one person got shot and killed, and then eventually everyone came to their senses. | ||
| But the fucking mayor was hilarious. | ||
| She said, maybe it's the summer of love. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Did you see that? | ||
| I saw a lot of excuses for what was going on there, but the one thing that they, on the news, they especially try and take some of the mean out of it, be like, but a free organic breakfast for all. | ||
| Doesn't matter who you, they give them a cup of granola or something like that. | ||
| Now go out and... | ||
| Go out and beat a guy with a tire iron. | ||
| Yeah, we're going to make an amazing society. | ||
| It's going to grow from here. | ||
| What kind of crackpot plan of the future do you have? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Steal the bank and light the fucking police department on fire, and then you're going to eventually become the best society ever, right in the middle of Seattle. | ||
| Well, it's weird how, like, you know, back in the day, like, you know, chain snatching. | ||
| Do you remember that? | ||
| Like, you're on a subway, you know, you're like a group of people and some guy come by and snatch a girl's chain off or something like that. | ||
| I think it's popular again. | ||
| Well, but now it's also, like, phones. | ||
| Like, let me get your phone. | ||
| Like, that whole thing of, like, let me take your, like, your digital life... | ||
| It's like basically reaching in and grabbing your soul right out of you. | ||
| Like, now you can't communicate. | ||
| You know, that kind of thing. | ||
| So I was always like, it's amazing how they kept pace with just the world. | ||
| But I guess chains, watches, all that kind of stuff will always be... | ||
| It's booty. | ||
| That's what it is, you know? | ||
| Yeah, and you can sell them. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| You know, you can sell a lot of stuff. | ||
| People buy a lot of hot stuff. | ||
| Luckily, I'm not a bling man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Luckily. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't think I'm going to have to wrestle a guy for my flip phone. | ||
| You know? | ||
| That thing must have a battery that goes for days, huh? | ||
| It's awesome. | ||
| And it is a weapon, basically. | ||
| You can throw that. | ||
| You can beat a man together. | ||
| How often do you charge that? | ||
| Every other day. | ||
| No, pretty much every day. | ||
| But it's still like, you know, talk about like dropout service, you know. | ||
| It's like, you'll lose them and you'll never hear from them again. | ||
| You know, that kind of thing. | ||
| It's supposed to be like an emergency construction site phone, but I don't know about that. | ||
| Is it like 3G at least? | ||
| Ah, 4G. Oh, you get 4G. Yeah, it's almost like it's going to work on Mars, yeah. | ||
| Some old guys still hang on, but I think some comics, it's a good thing for them. | ||
| It's good for me. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It definitely is. | ||
| You don't want to be connected all the time to everything. | ||
| I'm not good that way, yeah. | ||
| It's too much. | ||
| And I can only imagine, like, you get all that feedback from the show, you know, it's like you can fall into that, like, that rabbit hole. | ||
| Don't do it. | ||
| Yeah, don't do it. | ||
| I tell everybody, stay away from the comments. | ||
| Do you write in front of a computer? | ||
| Do you write in front of a notebook? | ||
| How do you write? | ||
| That's a good, you know, because a lot of the young ones, they're always like, what's the process? | ||
| And I'm always like, you know, I've gotten the most out of it with writing ideas down, trying to make it as strong as possible, Going on stage, taping it, and then listening to it. | ||
| And they're always like, that's it? | ||
| And I'm like, it's pretty much kind of like watching your swing, you know? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you see what's wrong with it and you can correct it. | ||
| And it's like, until I hear it on stage, I really don't even know what it is. | ||
| So the writing part, I used to beat myself up for hours. | ||
| Like, okay, why am I not Seinfeld? | ||
| Seinfeld was notorious. | ||
| He could write it to stage. | ||
| It would be almost perfect. | ||
| And he would bring it on stage and it was done. | ||
| And I was like, I want to be like that. | ||
| I want to be that guy. | ||
| And I never could do it. | ||
| I would be always like, okay, well, these are funny words and this is a left turn. | ||
| Okay, I'm up there. | ||
| Nothing. | ||
| Then I'd listen to it and I'd go, oh, I see what I was doing wrong. | ||
| So it really did help me correct a lot of my, I guess, joke writing. | ||
| But in terms of bad habits and stuff like that, that's when you listen to the tape, that's when you hear all those bad habits. | ||
| You're saying a word that you didn't even know you were saying. | ||
| You're ending everything with a... | ||
| Uh-huh. | ||
| Or like some weird noise, like, mm! | ||
| You know, like, why is that in there? | ||
| Why do I do that? | ||
| Is that a nervous tick? | ||
| But how about you? | ||
| You said that you would stay up and you would, like, write out, like... | ||
| Yeah, today's the first day I wrote first thing in the morning. | ||
| Because I got up in the morning and I had this, like, a hankering to write, so I sparked up a joint and I wrote first thing in the morning. | ||
| So I was writing at, like, 8 o'clock. | ||
| So you write every day, then? | ||
| I don't write every day, but I write a lot. | ||
| You do? | ||
| Yeah, I write at least four or five days a week. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And I try to write at least for a couple hours. | ||
| That's good work ethic. | ||
| I try to just... | ||
| A lot of it's nonsense. | ||
| A lot of it's not going anywhere. | ||
| It's like I'm just blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, bing something, maybe later. | ||
| Check it out later. | ||
| And then I'll go back later and go over it, and I'll pull that. | ||
| I'll copy and paste it into a new Word file, and I'll say, okay, what's in here for me? | ||
| And I start writing out shit. | ||
| When you said that a lot of it's garbage, that's what it is, man. | ||
| It's panning for gold. | ||
| And it's also like, once you do get that gem, that's when nothing else feels like that. | ||
| You're like, wow, where did that come from? | ||
| I can't believe that. | ||
| And then you look at all the garbage that you got, that you had to get to that. | ||
| You know, it is like canning. | ||
| You're like looking for the magical can there, you know? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And, you know, it's just forcing yourself to sit down and write. | ||
| It's so important. | ||
| Some comics don't want to do it. | ||
| They just have the idea and they just kind of want to go on stage with an idea. | ||
| And that's cool, too. | ||
| I don't think there's any right way or wrong way to do it. | ||
| But for me, I have definitely found that if I sit down and write, more shit will come out. | ||
| I will come up with more concepts. | ||
| I'll come up with more premises. | ||
| I'll come up with more angles. | ||
| The premise is the hardest, I think, because I, like, my jokes, like, I can change the punchline a million different ways, but it's the, you know, committing to, like, the premise, like, you know, what is this about and how does this fit together? | ||
| Right. | ||
| That, to me, is the real work of it, but when you say, like, you sit down with pen and paper or on the computer and you're writing, like, I would do that sometimes just to basically go, like, I want to get out every bad idea I have right now and I'm going to just sit here for an hour and And I'm going to just type anything that's happening to me. | ||
| I used to do that when I was really young. | ||
| I was like, I am not writing anything good. | ||
| I'd write in my notebook just to turn the page. | ||
| And I was like, if anything, what it does is it just tells your brain that you're working on this right now and that you're going to focus on it. | ||
| So for me it was good because I'm not a real disciplined guy, but that was something that I really did... | ||
| You know, take to early in comedy of, like, material. | ||
| I respect it. | ||
| I want it. | ||
| I want to be able to have new material all the time. | ||
| I don't want to waste stage time. | ||
| So I really committed to that. | ||
| Everybody wants it. | ||
| It's like there's a thing that musicians do that we don't do in that they practice. | ||
| They don't just go on stage. | ||
| They practice. | ||
| Like, remember Mo' Better Blues? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I remember watching Denzel Washington, that movie, being so, like... | ||
| Envious of that kind of discipline, the discipline to work on your craft all the time, even when he was not performing on stage. | ||
| Remember his girl was trying to have sex with him? | ||
| He's like, no, no, no. | ||
| I don't remember it that well. | ||
| He's like, I've got to practice. | ||
| And this is his thing. | ||
| He was this amazing trumpet player, and he had to practice. | ||
| And so I remember watching that thinking, man, if we had that kind of work ethic with comedy, if we worked on comedy the same way, that obsessive all day long, you'd have to get better. | ||
| You'd have to get better. | ||
| Yeah, you have to get better, and you also have to, you know, I don't know what to say, but it's like, you have to look at the joke a million different ways before you realize that, like, you know, okay, this is like, like I said earlier, with chunks of material, like, where else can this go? | ||
| It can't just be a standalone. | ||
| Like, there's got to be more to it. | ||
| And that's the thing of, like, bringing on stage, and now, like, okay, I want to try it this way, I want to try it this way, I want to try it that way. | ||
| So, To me, that's why when people go like, don't you get bored saying the same thing? | ||
| It's like, no, I'm never saying the same thing. | ||
| It's always a little different. | ||
| You're always tweaking it. | ||
| Tweaking it, turning it over, seeing if it can stand different places in the show. | ||
| When was the last time you filmed? | ||
| I'm coming up on shooting something soon, but I would say that I did that road work probably like five, six years ago or something like that. | ||
| When do you think you'll want to do it? | ||
| When do you think you want to film? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I think I'm going to, maybe before the end of the year, maybe beginning of next year, but I know the hour for me has always been tough, getting that much joke without fat in it, but I would say that the half hour I find so interesting. | ||
| I watched Earthquakes half hour and I was like... | ||
| Thunderous. | ||
| It was great. | ||
| And I was like, he's having fun. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He knows what he's doing. | ||
| The crowd gets him. | ||
| They're all having a great time. | ||
| It's not like this big kind of set piece battle. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Like where it's like, you know, the first 10 minutes, you know, and then you can tell and then it gets to that midpoint of like... | ||
| Now he has to restart the special again. | ||
| You know, that kind of thing. | ||
| And then bringing it home. | ||
| Like, that's difficult. | ||
| You've done it. | ||
| It's tough, you know? | ||
| So I was like, the half hour to me seems the right amount of time for people's attention span and also for me with what I do to get out, like, what I want to say and then get out of there. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Well, then do that. | ||
| Would you release it on Netflix? | ||
| Would you go the YouTube route? | ||
| What would you do these days? | ||
| I'll have to ask you when I get closer because I really don't even know what to do. | ||
| I really don't have that kind of pull to say, hey, I want to do it here or there. | ||
| But there's so many different types of platforming now that it would be dumb to really kind of lock it in before you even see it. | ||
| But I definitely want it to be... | ||
| You know, a club show, you know, like, because that's what I've done, and I'm coming to the end of this anyhow, so I want, you know, to kind of go out the way I do it. | ||
| The end of this? | ||
| The fuck are you talking about? | ||
| Well, I don't see many, you know, like, whatever. | ||
| You know, people always like, come on, you're like Don Rickles. | ||
| You'll do it forever. | ||
| I go, I'd like to, but I don't want to have to, you know? | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Right. | ||
| You don't want to be up there like... | ||
| Oh my god, I gotta pay that alimony, that kind of thing. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| So anyway, I don't know. | ||
| I mean, I think Netflix has been cool for a lot of people. | ||
| I think HBO, all these different places, they all have like, there's something interesting about all of them. | ||
| What do you like? | ||
| Now I think the beautiful thing is your fans will find it, no matter where it is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Your fans will find it if it's on Netflix. | ||
| Your fans will find it if it's on HBO. The question is, like, what's going to bring in the most new fans? | ||
| True. | ||
| And I think there's a lot of people that... | ||
| I know you hate compliments. | ||
| You're one of the best comics alive, and I don't think people realize how funny you are. | ||
| People say that to me, but it means something else when it comes from you, so thanks, Joe. | ||
| It really does, and I'm not stroking you or anything like that. | ||
| We all say that. | ||
| We all love you. | ||
| Alright, well thanks, man. | ||
| The rest of the world should see what the fuck you're doing. | ||
| So whatever you do, whether you do it on YouTube or whether you do it on Netflix or HBO or whatever, people need to watch it. | ||
| They need to get a glimpse. | ||
| That's nice. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| It's great, man. | ||
| Last time I saw you live was a couple of years back at the improv. | ||
| It was so much fun, man. | ||
| That was your show. | ||
| Yeah, it was so much fun. | ||
| I didn't tell you how nervous I was, did I? No. | ||
| I was like, I'm going to be going up there doing jokes, and Joe's crowd, they want to hear the shit, and I'm going to be doing my dumb jokes. | ||
| They loved it. | ||
| They were great. | ||
| They were so giving to me. | ||
| And then you went up there, you closed it out, and people don't realize how hard it is It's tough, you know? | ||
| It's fun, though, man. | ||
| It's fun. | ||
| It's like we're all having a good time together. | ||
| And it's also my favorite thing to watch, too. | ||
| So I get to see great comics. | ||
| Working with really funny people on the road is the best. | ||
| You get to see them crush. | ||
| There's just something exciting about it. | ||
| There is something like when I think people also, you know, when you were touring with Chappelle and stuff like that, these are event shows. | ||
| These are like shows that you tell years, you know, for years about like I was at that show, you know, I was there. | ||
| So for the hardcore fan, these are like amazing times for comedy. | ||
| It's a great time for comedy in general because I think the world genuinely needs things to be mocked right now. | ||
| Because so many things are so off the rails and so crazy on both sides of the political spectrum, the cultural spectrum. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know, in terms of, like, the relationship the United States has with the world, things are so bonkers right now that if you're not making fun of things... | ||
| True. | ||
| Like, it's already so high-strung and so fucking wound up and dangerous. | ||
| Like, the world is so fucking frustratingly aggressive right now. | ||
| It's so crazy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
There's so much going on with Russia and Ukraine and the climate change and fucking COVID. Have you done Europe? | |
| Have you toured through Europe or anything like that? | ||
| Not in a while. | ||
| I'm doing the UK. I'm doing London in October. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| One show. | ||
| Just want to go there and have some fun for a few days. | ||
| Fuck around. | ||
| Yeah, that was another thing that Stanhope, he was pretty much the first guy I knew who was England, and he was doing all that kind of stuff. | ||
| He filmed a special in Oslo, didn't he? | ||
| Well, either way, they loved Bill Hicks, and he was definitely the heir apparent to him, rightfully so. | ||
| There was no one like Doug. | ||
| So, like, he would tell me, like, England and how, like, you know, what it was like over there. | ||
| And, you know, I've done a bunch of shows, like, you know, whatever, Germany, whatever, all those different places. | ||
| But I was always like, you know, it's really for the trip, right? | ||
| I mean, because, like, you know, let's face it, you know, these people, like, they're kind of polite. | ||
| They applaud or they heckle drunkenly. | ||
| But now I get it. | ||
| I think Netflix or whatever has made it international. | ||
| People get it now. | ||
| They get what comedy is. | ||
| So it's probably way better now than when I did it, you know? | ||
| They want to see it, too. | ||
| It's like, you know, there's not a lot of American comics that go to those places. | ||
| True. | ||
| I mean, like it or not, there's a lot of great comics all over the world, but it's kind of an American art form in a lot of ways. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| It kind of originated here. | ||
| And the current form that you and I do it, it originated right here. | ||
| They, uh, people, comics come from all over, like, to the cellar, and you can see them there, like, studying it. | ||
| You know, it's kind of weird. | ||
| Like, protect your data! | ||
| Watch out! | ||
| That's the weird thing, when you find out people are doing your jokes in another language. | ||
| How cool is that, though? | ||
| Who do you call for that one? | ||
| Who do you call? | ||
| Like, it's the Hague. | ||
| You gotta get the world court. | ||
| So many people are bilingual. | ||
| They find out about it. | ||
| They rat them out. | ||
| There was a few French-Canadian guys that were doing that in Montreal. | ||
| But I would give it to the guy, though. | ||
| Like, if it was a guy, like, he's like, I've got your joke, but I use Tiger instead of, you know, like, makes it local. | ||
| I'd be like, all right, you can do that. | ||
| Go ahead. | ||
| Go ahead. | ||
| Well, how many guys started out in other countries just stealing jokes? | ||
| And then they had to develop their own act. | ||
| True. | ||
| Because they were doing... | ||
| That was a problem in, like, the 90s, I remember. | ||
| There was quite a few guys like that that would be stealing jokes in other languages. | ||
| Or stealing jokes from, you know, comics that people didn't know and doing it in their country where there was no comedy. | ||
| Holy, what? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah, comedy is now a global thing, but I think for the longest time it wasn't. | ||
| I think it was like real isolated little patches where you can get away with some shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, I think when they come over, I think that it kind of blows them away to see what it is as opposed to what they've been doing over there. | ||
| So, you know, tip of the hat for us. | ||
| Tip of the hat. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, in these weird times, I think this is where comedy becomes actually a valuable function in society, to be able to mock things and joke around and have some fun still. | ||
| Well, dude, you basically have done the hard work for us, so this is another one of those... | ||
| I wanted to say this to you for a while, but it's like... | ||
| Years ago when I did Letterman, how impressive that was to both friends and family, and I told people I was coming on this, it's the same reaction. | ||
| They love you. | ||
| They see this as an important thing. | ||
| And I totally agree with them that you've done a lot of heavy lifting for all of us, so thanks. | ||
| It was easy. | ||
| It wasn't heavy lifting. | ||
| It was just hanging out. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| You're taking the hits, basically. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| You're fighting the good fight, and we're all right behind you, basically. | ||
| Thank you very much. | ||
| Thank you for taking the hits. | ||
| My pleasure, brother. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| It's a fun and exciting time in a lot of ways. | ||
| I think people are going to come out of this on the other end more aware of the pitfalls of certain types of thinking and behavior and what we tolerate and what we don't tolerate. | ||
| There needs to be some sort of order in society. | ||
| It doesn't mean you're bad because you want some order. | ||
| It just means you want people to be peaceful. | ||
| And that could be worked out, but there's a lot of shit that needs to be worked out in this country that just doesn't get addressed. | ||
| Like, why is all this crime originating in these areas that have been impoverished forever, and why aren't we helping them? | ||
| Why aren't we helping fix those spots where all this crime is coming from? | ||
| And there's very little effort put into doing that, but so much effort put into helping other countries. | ||
| It drives people nuts. | ||
| It's not that we shouldn't be supporting Ukraine, but where was all that fucking money when you wanted to fix Baltimore? | ||
| Where was all that money to fix Detroit? | ||
| Where was all that money to stop all the fucking street violence in the south side of Chicago? | ||
| How do you fix that? | ||
| Why isn't that being addressed like whole scale, like the entire country? | ||
| Why aren't they looking at like all these spots where they're typically riddled with crime and violence? | ||
| What do we do to mitigate that? | ||
| How do we do it to make this place safer and better for everybody that grows up there? | ||
| Well, I know in New York, like, you know, kids on, like, minibikes and ATVs and stuff like that, that, like, until you've been circled by a group of teenagers on an ATV, like, you really, it really does, like, you feel that moment of, like, you know, this is like the wolves and you're the wounded buffalo. | ||
| And it's like, only a matter, you can turn towards one, but the other one's gonna, so you really have this feeling of almost prey, I guess you could say, you know? | ||
| So I was like, yeah, this... | ||
| You know, when I was a kid, you know, we had an area to do that, but these kids, they live in the city, so I guess this is their, you know, like, area to do it, but it still, it's like, it is terrifying. | ||
| And I guess, you know, part of that's being old, the other part of it's like what you just said, that like, why is this going on? | ||
| Why isn't anyone talking about it? | ||
| It is wild. | ||
| And people don't know that in New York, they're confiscating them and destroying them. | ||
| There's video of it, and people are like, why are they destroying those? | ||
| Like, you don't understand what's going on in New York. | ||
| Like, these guys are just riding these on the streets. | ||
| I just give these kids, like, they really are great consumers, you know? | ||
| Like, it's just amazing. | ||
| Like, the coolest thing they will get somehow, you know? | ||
| And, like, they will wait online to get it, too. | ||
| Like, I've seen kids wait online for sunglasses. | ||
| Like, I never would do that as a kid. | ||
| Like, I don't care. | ||
| Like, you know, I'm 15. I gotta have the best pair of sunglasses. | ||
| I don't care. | ||
| Whatever. | ||
| I'll put my hand over my eyes. | ||
| I don't really care. | ||
| But for them, it's style. | ||
| It's showing. | ||
| It's swagger. | ||
| So, you know, if that's how they live, that's fine. | ||
| But we all don't have to be a part of it, you know? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You definitely don't have to be a part of it. | ||
| The dirt bike thing's wild. | ||
| Where are they getting all the dirt bikes from? | ||
| Is there a black market of dirt bikes where they're shipping them into New York City because they know kids will buy them? | ||
| And is that really the best way to put their paper route money to good use? | ||
| What about the college jar? | ||
| Put some money in there. | ||
| These guys are selling meth. | ||
| They don't have a paper route. | ||
| But it's just funny where it's like 50 guys on minibikes. | ||
| You might be able to outrun them. | ||
| Probably not, though. | ||
| But when they circle, that's really... | ||
| Is that what you just saw? | ||
| I've seen that. | ||
| I've seen a couple of... | ||
| Yeah, it's basically like a parade. | ||
| I saw one actually when the queen went down. | ||
| I'm like, I didn't know they cared. | ||
| It was like a missing man formation. | ||
| It's like, wow, I didn't know they were into that. | ||
| I remember they used to organize these motorcycle gangs, and they would, like, kids on those, like, Kawasaki Ninjas and shit like that. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| And they would, all those, like, fast bikes, they would zip around town, and, like, a giant group of them, and people would panic. | ||
| Well, that happens, too. | ||
| But this is just basically, like, kind of a stroll, like, where, like, you know... | ||
| Kind of doing like a New Orleans funeral here. | ||
| Just blowing through the red lights. | ||
| And as a driver, you're like, I better be careful. | ||
| These kids are not stopping. | ||
| They just blow through red lights? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| Wow. | ||
| They feel... | ||
| Ow. | ||
| What happened? | ||
| It's my leg. | ||
| What happened to it? | ||
| Sorry. | ||
| You got a cramp? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| You alright? | ||
| I'm alright. | ||
| What a great time. | ||
| Work through it. | ||
| I am. | ||
| Get the cold bath. | ||
| You know what someone told me once? | ||
| I don't know if this works. | ||
| If you pinch down on your tongue, it alleviates a cramp in your leg. | ||
| Pinch down on your tongue, see if that works. | ||
| It's not working! | ||
| No, it didn't. | ||
| Does that work? | ||
| Find out if that works. | ||
| Is that an old wives tale? | ||
| Maybe it's like, what's that stuff, like reflexology? | ||
| Might not be real? | ||
| No, I'm good. | ||
| You good? | ||
| You're back? | ||
| Yeah, that's another thing for not drinking water. | ||
| You cramp up? | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Pinch lip. | ||
| Oh, it's your lip. | ||
| Leg cramps or muscle spasms may be triggered by over-activated nerves. | ||
| Other people have described a similar technique. | ||
| They recommend pinching the center of the upper lip right under the nose for a minute or two. | ||
| How do they know if the cramp doesn't just go away? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's concentrating on a new thing? | ||
| I don't know, but I think I just shit my pants. | ||
| Sorry. | ||
| Sorry. | ||
| But anyway, yeah, so that's what it is. | ||
| So that's what it is. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm glad it happened here and not out on the street. | ||
| You're back. | ||
| I would have been... | ||
| Has that happened before? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Leg cramps? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Leg cramps. | ||
| You should take Liquid IV. It's an electrolyte drink. | ||
| I knew you'd have some kind of potion or lotion for it. | ||
| Yeah, it's good. | ||
| It hydrates you. | ||
| How do you have all this time to do this stuff? | ||
| People tell me things. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| And that's one of the sponsors. | ||
| Oh, is it? | ||
| Yeah, Liquid IV. They've been sponsored forever. | ||
| It's good stuff. | ||
| Take it before I work out. | ||
| Take it after I work out sometimes. | ||
| I'm just going to whisper a prayer into the ruins. | ||
| Are you back or are you cramping up again? | ||
| I'm good. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| You're scaring me. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Wouldn't that be weird to go down here? | ||
| That would suck. | ||
| That would get some good views, though, wouldn't it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| We'd have edited it out. | ||
| No, we wouldn't. | ||
| Unless you wanted me to. | ||
| Would you want me to edit it out? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Seems a little disrespectful. | ||
| You think? | ||
| Yeah, for you to just croak in front of everybody. | ||
| Let me stand up and see how it works. | ||
| This is better. | ||
| You good? | ||
| Do you have, like, a sciatic nerve thing going on? | ||
| No, I think what it is is, you know, I had a hernia operation. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| So I could feel it, like, with my bowels moving around differently, you know? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oof. | |
| And then it usually happens when I'm on the toilet, you know, like, where it's like, oh, God! | ||
| And then there's a lot of cleanup. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Pfft! | |
| Honestly, it really is sad. | ||
| You cramp up? | ||
| Yeah, you cramp up and then it's all over the place. | ||
| You want to end this? | ||
| Are we good? | ||
| Are you okay? | ||
| Yeah, let me sit down just in case you do. | ||
| Are you okay? | ||
| I'm fine, yeah. | ||
| But it was a lot of sitting, you know. | ||
| Damn. | ||
| So maybe that was part of it, too. | ||
| I noticed my knee goes out on a plane now. | ||
| Does that happen to you? | ||
| When you sit on a plane? | ||
| What happens? | ||
| I feel like my knee, like, I have a knee injury, so it's like, I just feel like my whole leg is like, can't feel it for a minute, you know? | ||
| And then it goes, like, numb, and I'm like, oh, it's my knee. | ||
| I know, it's like my knee. | ||
| And that's just from sitting constantly on a plane. | ||
| Yeah, sitting with a knee injury is not good. | ||
| And then when you have to get up, it's stiff. | ||
| Uh-huh. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Well, what can you do, right? | ||
| Battle damage. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| How'd you hurt your knee? | ||
| I think... | ||
| Kick an ass and nom? | ||
| Yeah, I think... | ||
| I was a repo man. | ||
| I was the third guy in on the... | ||
| I was the dork. | ||
| I wish it was a cool story. | ||
| I think I was trying to... | ||
| I was a fat kid trying to get over a hobby horse in gym. | ||
| You know, it's like, come on! | ||
| Come on, Tubbs! | ||
| Get over that! | ||
| That was back when you were allowed to, you know, shame a fat kid. | ||
| You know, like, come on, sugar tits! | ||
| Get in there! | ||
| The good old days. | ||
| Where's the fat male models? | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Come on. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How come? | ||
| That is a guilty pleasure show, my 600-pound life. | ||
| Is it? | ||
| Do you like it? | ||
| Tell me, somebody who doesn't watch that. | ||
| I don't watch it. | ||
| You don't watch it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Please take a look. | ||
| I get sad when people are that fucked up. | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| I'm totally sad, but it's just amazing how they get through. | ||
| I mean, can you imagine being able to... | ||
| Function without moving? | ||
| No. | ||
| These people have figured it out. | ||
| It's like they're basically like a jellyfish. | ||
| They're kind of floating through life. | ||
| It's so bad. | ||
| But it is sad. | ||
| When they get glued into their couch. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Those people, their body integrates with their couch. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then you're like, how are you shitting? | ||
| Who's cleaning? | ||
| What's going on? | ||
| They are very... | ||
| It's graphic because they'll... | ||
| They'll show the person, like, I have to take a shower, I'm going to see a doctor now. | ||
| So they'll show them get up and, like, blur the areas, but because they're already kind of blurred, you know, physically, that, like, you're like, what are you, you know, and then you'll see them shower and things like that. | ||
| So it is definitely not an OnlyFans moment, you know? | ||
| It's, um, human beings are so strange in that there's certain, like, patterns of behavior that people get stuck in. | ||
| Where they just can't stop eating, or they can't stop gambling. | ||
| It's emotional. | ||
| They can't stop. | ||
| Whatever it is, they can't stop. | ||
| They can't stop watching porn. | ||
| They can't stop whatever the fuck it is. | ||
| They can't stop. | ||
| They just get trapped, and they just can't stop eating. | ||
| It's wild. | ||
| It's a wild thing. | ||
| The calculating aspects of the human brain, all the emotions and all the different hormones and all the cascade of neural functions, all these things that are happening simultaneously. | ||
| And then something leads you to just want to stuff your face all the time. | ||
| And you can't stop. | ||
| It's wild. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| It's just a wild thing that the human brain can vary so much. | ||
| You know, you could be Elon Musk, who's running five different corporations, or you could be a guy who's, like, sitting on a couch who can't shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He can't get up to shit. | ||
| He has to shit where he lays. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| Like, in the one day, it must be like, I can't get up to shit anymore. | ||
| I just have to shit right here. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And, you know, it's also, like, really hard on your family, too. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, my God. | |
| It's like any addiction. | ||
| You know, they suffer as well, so... | ||
| Well, and also, it's oftentimes a lot of people in the family have the same addiction. | ||
| True. | ||
| That's the kind of household that it was. | ||
| Food was the answer for a lot of things. | ||
| See, I'd rather watch Swamp People. | ||
| I watched that too. | ||
| That to me is wild. | ||
| And Naked and Afraid. | ||
| I love that show. | ||
| Do you watch that? | ||
| I've watched that a few times. | ||
| You know what my biggest revelation is? | ||
| What? | ||
| Naked and Afraid. | ||
| These people, they're all professional survivalists. | ||
| But you take away shoes from people, and we are right back to cave people. | ||
| Whoever invented shoes or sandals, this guy, honestly, this person, whoever it was, that really gave us at least... | ||
| Not equal footing with the animals, but, like, we were able to move around without, like, ow, ooh. | ||
| But supposedly, back in the day, our feet were like rocks. | ||
| Like, honestly, talk about, like, you know, you could, like, step on coals and, like, it wouldn't bother you. | ||
| You ever see what feet look like of people that walk barefoot through, like, the jungle? | ||
| Like a hand. | ||
| Yeah, they splay out. | ||
| Oh, man. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| It's really wild. | ||
| Pull up some of the feet of people that live. | ||
| They develop these muscles in their feet that are just like a thumb muscle. | ||
| They push down on stuff. | ||
| And so when they're moving around things, they have real contact with the ground. | ||
| We have these bitch-ass feet that have been in a cast our whole lives. | ||
| I have terrible feet, too. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| That's crazy, man. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Like a hand. | ||
| Like a hobbit. | ||
| Like a hobbit foot. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| And imagine how strong those things are. | ||
| They probably choke you to death with those things. | ||
| He could, like, whatever up a tree just using his feet. | ||
| Like, you can't really do that. | ||
| Right. | ||
| They probably have, like, incredible grip with their toes. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| That's like a disease. | ||
| Yeah, it's like leprosy or something. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| That's the feet. | ||
| That's weird. | ||
| What does it say? | ||
| Hoorani Indian? | ||
| How do you say that? | ||
| Hoorani. | ||
| Hoorani? | ||
| Hoorani Indian with splayed feet. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, it's like my friend Steve Brinella. | ||
| He was in the... | ||
| I think he was in Bolivia. | ||
| Something like that. | ||
| And he found a bunch of people that lived like that. | ||
| Walking around barefoot. | ||
| You're not going to be able to crock your way through that kind of a foot. | ||
| That foot is like a stallion. | ||
| You can't break that foot. | ||
| That foot will never be in a shoe. | ||
| How bad is that foot? | ||
| One of them pointy toes, dancing shoes? | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Oh, what is that? | ||
| Wow. | ||
| The ostrich tribe of rare two-toes. | ||
| Oh, like the lobster people. | ||
| Wow, but it's only their feet. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Amazing. | ||
| Quite a few people have that. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Dude, what a way to end it, huh? | ||
| What a way to end it. | ||
| Weird feet. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| You ever put a ball on and you step on it? | ||
| Yeah, those are great. | ||
| Talk about opening your brain, man. | ||
| You feel like, wow, I can do algebra or something. | ||
| You know what I started wearing recently is shoes with a wide toe box. | ||
| I've been wearing those more. | ||
| I've got these fucking things on right now. | ||
| They have like, uh, they're ultras I guess? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| They have like a wide toe box so your toes can move around. | ||
| Oh that's good. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, no, my feet are terrible. | ||
| It's like, that's another like, uh, I guess you could say like occupational, like, I don't know, I guess standing on my feet. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, all the time, you know, whatever. | ||
| It's just not, I could just feel it like by the end of the, ah, it's like, oh man, not good, you know? | ||
| Do you think you'll ever get to a point where you're on a scooter on stage? | ||
| On a scooter. | ||
| Oh, yes. | ||
| Because clubs now, they have that lift. | ||
| So I was like, oh, we got to do it. | ||
| Disneyland scooter. | ||
| Just scoot up. | ||
| That would be awesome. | ||
| Right there. | ||
| That would be great. | ||
| And the opener can wheel me out. | ||
| Here he is, everybody. | ||
| Watch out. | ||
| I'm taking off the tarp. | ||
| And then there he is. | ||
| Would you have the opener wheel you out, or would you have one that's remote controlled? | ||
| I would like to do, well, you know, with me and the smoking, so I'll probably have a tracheotomy by then, but I would love to do crowd work, like, where are you from? | ||
| You know, like, what's... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Do they still do those? | |
| What? | ||
|
unidentified
|
These things where you talk with a thing under your throat. | |
| Hey, everybody. | ||
| You know, you have two. | ||
| How have they not come up with an artificial throat? | ||
| Yeah, and you can change your voice. | ||
| You should be working on that. | ||
| Like one of those... | ||
| Learn a language things, you know, like one of those apps. | ||
| You can roll your R's. | ||
| But, yeah, no, I could totally see that happening. | ||
| You know, I bought a new walker for my mom, and, like, the one that we got was, like, off-road, so, like, now she can really go anywhere, so it's kind of cool. | ||
| Like, you know, it's got these big mag wheels on it. | ||
| Like, she's, like, basically, it's like an APC of, like, walkers, you know? | ||
| Like, she can, like, handle, like, you know... | ||
| Remember those things that everybody would scoot around on, like a hoverboard with a handle? | ||
| What were those things called, Jamie? | ||
| Segways. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Remember those that were going to take over? | ||
| Yeah, what happened? | ||
| The Segways went away, and they got replaced by the scooter. | ||
| I still see them every day in downtown Austin, like on tours. | ||
| Oh, they have Segway tours? | ||
| A Segway tour. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's the only place I've ever seen them. | |
| That's San Francisco, too. | ||
| Didn't somebody famous eat shit when the power went off and they went forward? | ||
| And they got hurt? | ||
| I think with those things, the problem is if the power goes off, if it dies, you're on this gyroscope, right? | ||
| Was it like George Bush or something like that? | ||
| The millionaire owner of the Segway has died after falling off a cliff. | ||
| Yeah, the guy who invented it. | ||
| He's an interesting guy. | ||
| This guy's like a mad inventor. | ||
| He fell off a cliff? | ||
| Sad story. | ||
| He's an interesting guy. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| He died in a scooter cliff fall. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| Riding one of his firm's motorized scooters, he fell off a fucking cliff. | ||
| Or was he pushed? | ||
| What does it say? | ||
| Hold on, go back to that. | ||
| Segway boss died in an act of courtesy. | ||
| What? | ||
| He was thinking of a way of a dog walker. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Trying to make way for a dog walker. | ||
| And he went off a cliff. | ||
| Man. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| And on that note, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| That is sad. | ||
| Performing all around the world. | ||
| Joe, great to see you, man. | ||
| Always good to see you, brother. | ||
| You were not wrong about George Bush, by the way. | ||
| Oh, it was George Bush. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Oh, so he did eat shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Somewhere. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, he's a bike guy, I thought. | ||
| Oh man, imagine doing mushrooms to push. | ||
| Joe, thanks for having me, man. | ||
| David Tell, you're the man. | ||
| Love you to death. | ||
| Can I shout out to the fans? | ||
| Shout out to the fans. | ||
| For all of you who've come to see me, thank you so much for... | ||
| Basically, well, thank you, Joe, for getting the word out on me, and I appreciate it, because they've definitely come down, and they've said, you've got to go on, Joe, and, you know, I'd love to hear you on Joe, and Joe talks about you, so thanks for, you know, basically... | ||
| You're one of the best comics alive, man, and please, people, go see him. | ||
| Where are you playing next? | ||
| Where are you at? | ||
| Well, I think I'll be heading over to get my leg cramp. | ||
| Give or take a leg cramp. | ||
| We'll have a play next time. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It's up there on my site. | ||
| Davetail.com. | ||
| There it is. | ||
| I got a lot of dates. | ||
| DC Improv coming up next. | ||
| October. | ||
| First weekend of October. | ||
| DC Improv. | ||
| Oh, Skankfest in Las Vegas. | ||
| That should be fun. | ||
| Mark Ridley's Comedy Castle in Michigan. | ||
| October 2021. Beautiful. | ||
| Louisville Comedy Club. | ||
| All those are up. | ||
| Helium coming up in St. Louis. | ||
| All those are up on davitel.com. | ||
| Go see him. | ||
| He's the fucking man. | ||
| And Joe, I can't wait for the club to be open. | ||
| I'm excited to have you. | ||
| I definitely want to come out and check it out, dude. | ||
| Lots of fun. | ||
| Honestly, thank you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Thank you. | |
| My pleasure. |
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