July 29, 2022 - The Joe Rogan Experience
03:27:20
Participants
| 
| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
|
unidentified
|
Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out The Joe Rogan Experience Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day What do you want? | |
| Oh, yeah, what is that? | ||
| It's an NFT, sort of It's like digital art. | ||
| It's Beeple. | ||
| Do you know who Beeple is? | ||
| He's the best. | ||
| Every day that guy puts out a new piece. | ||
| Insane. | ||
| And it's computer generated, but does he go in and like paint? | ||
| I don't understand how it works, but there's something involving computers. | ||
| They should. | ||
| I think there's a Palm Pilot. | ||
| I think every time I see one of his pieces on Instagram, there'll be a sweeping dystopian city. | ||
| Look at the new one. | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| What the fuck is that? | ||
| This is going to give me nightmares for us. | ||
| The hair. | ||
| I've got hairy legs! | ||
| But wait, are these... | ||
| They look raspberries, but those are germs? | ||
| I think, yeah. | ||
| See, it says mild symptoms. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's what it's called. | |
| He's just such a character, too. | ||
| He's a really fun guy. | ||
| You would enjoy him on your podcast. | ||
| My uterus right now? | ||
| Wow. | ||
| What is the... | ||
| What is the one where he'll do like a cityscape? | ||
| And I'm like, oh, they should make an animated movie about his worlds. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Not that one. | ||
| There's a bunch of them. | ||
| Well, there's so many. | ||
| The problem is he puts out one every single day. | ||
| God, it's wild. | ||
| Yeah, it's amazing stuff. | ||
| It's really good. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| It's almost... | ||
| I don't want to compare it. | ||
| He'll probably hate me if he hears this, but it feels like it's got Banksy-esque commentary, like using sort of famous, iconic images and subverting them. | ||
| But he'll say, like, when you ask him, like, you know, why do you have all the, you know, dicks dressed up as missiles? | ||
| He's like, I don't know. | ||
| I fucking just made a fucking picture of some dicks. | ||
| That was us last night watching Top Gun, which I loved. | ||
| It was a mind-bending thrill ride. | ||
| Mrs. Rogan wasn't that into it. | ||
| Well, it was... | ||
| She was like, eh. | ||
| We definitely were laughing at parts that got a little too, like... | ||
| Homoerotic? | ||
| Like, melodramatic. | ||
| It felt a little telenovela. | ||
| And it was... | ||
| It didn't help that all the machines look like giant dicks flying through the air. | ||
| It was all these guys on dicks being like, love you, man. | ||
| But I thought it was cool because it was just like, it was so unabashedly emotional and patriotic and it was like a love letter to our forces. | ||
| Oh, it really is. | ||
| I mean, well, they got in trouble, right? | ||
| Like China won't distribute it because he wore a Taiwanese flag on his back or something. | ||
| Was that the Jon Hamm character? | ||
| I think someone told me he was the character was so decorated and had one Taiwanese flag and they might have made them take it out. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| I think they were gonna take it out, but then they changed their mind or something. | ||
| But it's like the pressure from China. | ||
| Yeah, there it is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I bet. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| So here it is. | ||
| 2019, the trailer for Top Gun Maverick showed Cruise's character, U.S. Navy pilot Pete Mitchell, in the same bomber jacket he wore in the original film, but two of its flag patches representing Japan and the Republic of China, the official name for Taiwan, appeared to have been replaced by other emblems. | ||
| The movie's like four years old then, if they had a trailer in 2019. That's wild. | ||
| That's wild. | ||
| They're like, we can't believe Tom Cruise believes... | ||
| So they started filming it then? | ||
| I think it was supposed to come out, and then the pandemic happened, and they're like, we need this to be in theaters, we gotta wait. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It's funny that the problem they have with Tom Cruise is that he believes Taiwan is its own country, and not that he believes in aliens. | ||
| LAUGHTER Well, I believe in aliens. | ||
| He doesn't believe in aliens. | ||
| He believes that we are thetans. | ||
| Right, right, right. | ||
| That we were like dropped off in volcanoes. | ||
| That we're like ice cubes. | ||
| I have a hot take on Scientology. | ||
| Which is that I drive by the creepy ass Scientology Center in LA now and I'm like, you know what? | ||
| I'm glad anyone that thinks that's a good idea is in a building. | ||
| Anyone that would be vulnerable to that is just, they've got them, they stay in there, they go on boat. | ||
| What would the people that think Scientology is a good idea to subscribe to be doing if Scientology was not available to be the cult that they're a part of? | ||
| They would join the Moonies or something. | ||
| They would be something else. | ||
| They would find some other thing to latch onto. | ||
| Cult type thing. | ||
| Yeah, I mean there's just a lot of vulnerable people out there that just have weak minds. | ||
| And I think the more apocalyptic the world becomes or the more it feels like this doomsday thing, the more we all want to latch on to something that's going to give us a sense of control, fake control. | ||
| If they didn't have such a wacky origin story, I think they'd be way more successful. | ||
| The problem is like the guy who started, did you ever read Lawrence Wright's Going Clear? | ||
| I saw the documentary. | ||
| I interviewed him, fascinating guy. | ||
| You've had Leah on? | ||
| Yeah, I've had Leah on. | ||
| I had Miscavige's dad on, who escaped, like literally escaped in a car chase, left the compound to get away from his son and Scientology. | ||
| And the wife is missing, Shelly. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Shelly. | |
| I don't believe she's missing. | ||
| I think she came out and said, no, I'm fine. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Was it my robot with her color hair? | |
| I am fine. | ||
| I think she was punished for insubordination. | ||
| I bet. | ||
| She probably didn't salute correctly. | ||
| Something went wrong. | ||
| It's pretty wild. | ||
| I mean, and the fact that they still have tax, they don't pay taxes. | ||
| That's the wildest thing. | ||
| First of all, here's what's wild. | ||
| That guy, L. Ron Hubbard, who created Scientology, was a science fiction writer who is the most prolific author in human history. | ||
| He has more published work than any other author ever because that motherfucker never wrote a second draft. | ||
| His work is so bad. | ||
| It's so bad. | ||
| It's like, and then they pulled the laser beams out and shoot at them at the planet, and then the planet blew up into a million pieces, and then those million pieces shot off into individual spaceships, and those individual spaceships floated out into different galaxies and started their own universes. | ||
| It's so bad. | ||
| But back then, was he on a typewriter, or was it handwritten? | ||
| Oh yeah, typewriter, for sure. | ||
| Yeah, that's too annoying to have to go back and redo. | ||
| Well, they all did that. | ||
| I mean, that was Hemingway's famous quote that Ari used to have glued on his laptop. | ||
| It said, the first draft of everything is shit. | ||
| First drafts are supposed to suck. | ||
| Yeah, they suck. | ||
| You're trying to get your ideas out there, and then you go back and you sort of reform them. | ||
| I mean, that's how it is with every bit, right? | ||
| I'm just... | ||
| I cannot tell you. | ||
| This is the first time I've shot an hour that I felt like was ready. | ||
| Like, ready. | ||
| Do you think you're more ready because we have all this time because of the pandemic? | ||
| I made a promise to myself that I would not come out of the pandemic less skilled at anything, less interesting, you know... | ||
| Too late. | ||
| Sloppy! | ||
| How dare you? | ||
| And I was like, okay, we obviously have this time. | ||
| Like, we can't sit around and just get rusty. | ||
| We can't when we come back and everyone finally is, you know... | ||
| In their mind, taking a big risk going to a show where people are exhaling on each other or taking a risk to go to a venue, which is how people thought about it, at least some states, when we first started going back out. | ||
| And they've been inside for two years. | ||
| They've been listening to us on podcasts. | ||
| They feel connected to us. | ||
| I was like, I'm not going to go out there and be mediocre or work out and be sloppy. | ||
| And so I worked really hard over the pandemic to be writing, to be thoughtful and to go, you know, this stuff is killing. | ||
| But in 10 years, will it still feel insightful and fresh? | ||
| Like just cutting a lot of stuff that felt like it works, but I would rather go smarter or weirder or Try to figure out a way that this is going to age well. | ||
| I think it gives you time to... | ||
| I think the thing about the way we were doing specials before was like every two years is great. | ||
| Louis did it every one year for a while, which I think is kind of insane. | ||
| And that's what Carlin did too, so I think that's the model that he adopted. | ||
| Every two years is good. | ||
| But for me, like, I'm about to film and I feel like my shit has never been tighter. | ||
| It's like never been tighter because I had the time off and then getting back into it also had like this newfound enthusiasm because I recognized like, hey, this thing that we love so much almost went away and kind of did for at least a year. | ||
| We took it for granted, for sure. | ||
| Yeah, but now I have these bits that I didn't record in 2020 and I got to hone them and sharpen them and edit them and polish them and then add all this new stuff to it as well. | ||
| And it's just... | ||
| I think that's the way to do it. | ||
| I think it's more like three years or maybe even four. | ||
| This is... | ||
| And you made a very big impact on me one day. | ||
| You might not even remember it, but this was maybe my last special and... | ||
| I was about to shoot it, and you went, I just shot a special. | ||
| All I can tell you is, if you think you're ready, do it for another three months. | ||
| When you think you're ready, that's when you need another three months. | ||
| After I thought I was ready, I did maybe 85, 90 shows or something of this one, so it was really fun to be in the pocket, feel like it was ready, And then go, no, there's more to do. | ||
| There's more to chisel. | ||
| And I don't know if you really know until after you've filmed it, but I've done five specials. | ||
| This is the first one that when I taped it, I was like, I'm done. | ||
| I wasn't still thinking of tags later. | ||
| It wasn't haunting me. | ||
| I wasn't looking at the edit going, ah, I should have thought of it. | ||
| I was like, I have left everything on the floor. | ||
| Well, when we saw you at the Paramount, you were so loose. | ||
| You were so in the groove. | ||
| You know when someone's thinking while they're up there, and they're thinking about their next bid, or they're thinking about their transitions? | ||
| You are just free. | ||
| And that's a sign that someone's ready. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| And that means a lot. | ||
| And I agree with you. | ||
| Not to, it sounds narcissistic, but I do think that, you know, there's a point you get to when you work something so hard in front of so many different kinds of people. | ||
| You know, in that hour, you know, I feel really precious about in a way or connected to it because I was doing it outside, on cars, with people in masks, like in parking lots, like so many different places. | ||
| So by the time I got to like a theater where, you know, it's like, it just feels like you're flying. | ||
| And it's the best feeling in the world to just kind of go like, I know all this is going to work. | ||
| Now what else can I bring to it physically or playfully and how can I surprise myself so that I'm actually on a ride with them too. | ||
| That's pretty wild that you did it in parking lots too, right? | ||
| Whoever gets to say that? | ||
| I did stand-up to people in cars. | ||
| So now it's like I've been getting such amazing feedback, which has been sort of suspiciously nice, you know, because the Internet usually doesn't treat anyone like that, much less female comedians. | ||
| But there's something that feels so... | ||
| Like, this is everybody's hour, because I did it so many, everyone that came and laughed and honked and whatever the hell we were going through, I'm like, I know that you guys laughed, and if anyone says this isn't good, they're judging you. | ||
| Like, I went all over the country, I went everywhere, and I just really feel good about that. | ||
| That's great. | ||
| Like, this has worked everywhere for a while, and I had fun, and I was in the moment when I was performing, which is hard to capture, you know? | ||
| I almost feel like specials, like, you know when you just shoot, when you have a great performance somewhere, and you're like, God, I wish we had just filmed that. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And then you go to shoot it, and then all of a sudden it's like you're in this completely unnatural situation. | ||
| There's cameras, the audience feels the cameras, and you're like, God, I almost wish that we all just toured, and one day you're, you know, in Denver, and someone's like, hey, just so you know, we got that. | ||
| And you're like, Right. | ||
| There's my special. | ||
| Right, like you just, no one knew there was cameras there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Exactly. | |
| Well, the club that we're setting up out here, we're putting cameras in the walls. | ||
| We're setting it up so that someone can film there and all we have to do is just press button. | ||
| I would love to shoot my next special there. | ||
| Let's fucking do it! | ||
| Can I tell you, I think the best, you know, I'm actually in the fall gonna go back and do a couple clubs because I just miss that 400 people in one place when you're killing and you're on, like, mind-melding. | ||
| There's no better feeling than that. | ||
| I don't think there's a better environment to watch comedy or to do comedy than a club. | ||
| I love arenas because they're just nuts. | ||
| Like standing out there in front of, you know, just insane sea of human beings in the round. | ||
| It's really fun. | ||
| And when you kill, the sound is insane. | ||
| But it's not the same experience. | ||
| It's a different, bigger, grander experience. | ||
| But there's something so intimate about a 300-seat room or a 400-seat room when it's packed and low ceilings and you're crushing. | ||
| That's real comedy. | ||
| That's as good as comedy gets. | ||
| And I try to really play defense on, I know people kind of zeitgeist you to talk about, claptor. | ||
| Because if you have all your own fans, and everyone's psyched to be there, and you have a lot of people, and people are cheering. | ||
| And you're like, there's a difference between involuntary laughs and cheering. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And when I went back on tour, I'd find that I'd be like, yeah, the other day, you know, I went on a date, and people are like, woo! | ||
| And you're like... | ||
| That's how comedians start to suck. | ||
| They conflate that response with an involuntary laugh. | ||
| Right, but you would never do that. | ||
| No, I just mean like... | ||
| You're too self-aware. | ||
| Sometimes audiences get amped if they're just your people. | ||
| They bought tickets, they're invested. | ||
| I just mean like every now and then you gotta do... | ||
| Don't worry about traps that fall for people that suck. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's what that is. | ||
| That's a people that suck trap where they get excited and so they purposely say things they know will get people to cheer. | ||
| That shit is nonsense. | ||
| There's so many people that do that. | ||
| But in a club, you can feel how you're doing. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, that's one of the beautiful things about a little club, right? | ||
| Like the belly room. | ||
| When you're in that little room, little rooms like that are just like the truth serum. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| They keep you so honest, too. | ||
| And I think that, you know, with social media now, it's hard to not be corny and be full of shit. | ||
| It's not. | ||
| Because we're promoting ourselves. | ||
| We're going, hey, guys, come see me at the day. | ||
| It's like, how are we becoming the very thing that we make fun of? | ||
| It's way harder for people that don't have podcasts. | ||
| You know why? | ||
| Because they feel the need to express their opinions about certain things in a way that is kind of awkward. | ||
| We talk about things so much on podcasts that when you're on stage you can just talk shit. | ||
| And just have fun. | ||
| Well, they can't do that. | ||
| They feel like they have to establish their positions on Roe v. | ||
| Wade and establish their positions on this and that. | ||
| And they have to do that on stage, which is kind of crazy. | ||
| Because it's like, it's not a good way to do comedy. | ||
| Unless you have a really good bit about it. | ||
| If you have a really good Roe v. | ||
| Wade bit, yeah, great. | ||
| But if you're just bringing it up, just say, you know, we're in a bad time right now, and this fucking Roe v. | ||
| Wade makes my goddamn blood boil. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yay! | |
| Yay! | ||
| That is why I called this special Jokes. | ||
| Oh, is that what you called it? | ||
| It's called Jokes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| That's a great name. | ||
| Jokes. | ||
| And I know, you know, people tend to, you know, overthink their titles sometimes. | ||
| I think for the most part, nobody remembers any of the titles. | ||
| They're like, oh, it's the third one. | ||
| It was the one where he was in Chicago at the theater, right? | ||
| Right. | ||
| But I really wanted to let people know that I'm not going to lecture you on how to vote. | ||
| I'm not going to bring you in promising you comedy and then do a secret TED talk halfway through where I am vulnerable and talk about my abusive childhood. | ||
| I'm just trying to make you laugh. | ||
| I am a clown and I take that very seriously. | ||
| And I think there's just been this thing where comedians now feel like they have to weigh in on everything. | ||
| You know why? | ||
| Twitter. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's why I don't go on it. | ||
| These people are all toxic. | ||
| They're out of their fucking minds. | ||
| Have you seen Norm Macdonald's new special? | ||
| No, I haven't. | ||
| It's rough stuff. | ||
| It's rough for me to watch. | ||
| I don't want to get sad. | ||
| I cried a couple times. | ||
| I called Swartzen and I was like, I can't watch it. | ||
| And he's like, just watch it, you dumb cunt. | ||
| Get the fuck over yourself. | ||
| So I was like, okay, you're right, you're right. | ||
| What am I doing? | ||
| Because he does look, you know, he looks not very well. | ||
| He doesn't look well. | ||
| How long was it before he died that it was filmed? | ||
| Maybe a year or something? | ||
| It's called Nothing Special. | ||
| He shot it in his house like into a computer, into like an iPad. | ||
| And he did this why? | ||
| Did he do it? | ||
| During the pandemic. | ||
| Did he do it as a special? | ||
| I don't know if he intended for it to be a special or if it's just he shot it during the pandemic. | ||
| Well, I mean, must have. | ||
| And then he died and it was, you know... | ||
| But was he just experimenting with the material or was he... | ||
| You never know with Norm. | ||
| You never know how worked out it is. | ||
| And he had this joke. | ||
| He's just like, perfect. | ||
| He goes, you know, he's like, you know, now people want comedians to weigh in on like political issues. | ||
| And, you know, he's like, back during the Vietnam War, was everyone like, I wonder what red skeleton thinks. | ||
| It was just like, perfect. | ||
| And he wasn't preachy. | ||
| There's a way to do it. | ||
| There's a way to get your point across without being preachy. | ||
| So he said, I'm obviously going to butcher it. | ||
| Norm's one of my heroes. | ||
| So I'm sorry, Norm. | ||
| I'm stomping on your grave. | ||
| But he goes like, he's like, and I was watching the news, you know, and, you know, sometimes there's this, you know, guy giving you the news or woman. | ||
| Like if he mentions like, you know, sometimes there's like a guy there or girl. | ||
| Like, acknowledging the eggshells and just leaning hard in it, but not making a comment. | ||
| That was it. | ||
| And he just does stuff in such a deft, elegant way. | ||
| And he was mocking the idea that everyone needs to have a platform now for their cause. | ||
| And he's like, look, I know everyone's using comedy as their platform for their cause. | ||
| My cause, it is very important to me. | ||
| He's like, I am against... | ||
| Cannibalism. | ||
| And I know that you guys have probably made up your mind on cannibalism by now, and there's nothing I can do to change your mind, but I am against it. | ||
| And then he goes, but I'm not going to make this my bully pulpit. | ||
| And it's just bizarre and hilarious. | ||
| And it's just so weird. | ||
| And, you know, it's Norm. | ||
| Yeah, he had such a bizarrely unique sense of humor. | ||
| But it worked. | ||
| You know, just from him it worked. | ||
| Remember his Saget roast? | ||
| No. | ||
| I don't watch roasts. | ||
| This is Norm Macdonald. | ||
| Why is that funny? | ||
| That one was particular if I remember it too. | ||
| That was a good one? | ||
| It is, because the roasts you know. | ||
| I mean, it's Greg Dural. | ||
| I mean, it's all of us writing perfect, airtight, the most offensive, brutal jokes you can tell on the planet. | ||
| Which by the way, I think I'm gonna do a couple roasts on OnlyFans. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Isn't that crazy? | ||
| On OnlyFans? | ||
| They asked me to do their first TV content thing, and I was like, "God, you know what we can't do anymore? | ||
| Really? | ||
| Isn't that crazy? | ||
| We'll see. | ||
| It could work. | ||
| I'll talk to them about it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Interesting. | |
| Dirty jokes you can't tell anywhere. | ||
| But you kind of can tell jokes that are funny anywhere. | ||
| You know what it is? | ||
| It's more like you're not going to get the blowback you would if it was just on Twitter or Instagram. | ||
| There's no comment. | ||
| There's a paywall. | ||
| So it's almost like a Patreon or something. | ||
| It's like if you're coming here and then you say anything, you're just a snitch. | ||
| You know what's bizarre about OnlyFans? | ||
| They don't have a search section. | ||
| We were reading this yesterday. | ||
| We're reading about how many people are on OnlyFans since 2019. I don't remember what the numbers were. | ||
| Do you remember what the numbers were? | ||
| It went from 70,000 in 2019 to just over a million in 2021 or something. | ||
| Yeah, so the pandemic created a lot of hoes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They just needed to get their cash. | |
| That's true. | ||
| I'm into it. | ||
| There's teachers making it. | ||
| We don't pay teachers enough. | ||
| If teachers go on OnlyFans and show their tits, like... | ||
| I know, but isn't that, like, sad? | ||
| Isn't it sad to make 30 grand a year? | ||
| It is sad to make 30 grand a year. | ||
| When you're teaching our next generation, yeah. | ||
| But what I'm saying is, isn't it sad that that's how they have to make money? | ||
| I mean, yeah, I guess. | ||
| It depends. | ||
| I just watched this. | ||
| Have you seen this documentary, The Most Hated Man on the Internet? | ||
| No. | ||
| Who is the most hated man on the internet? | ||
| His name is Hunter Moore. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| Brandon Schaub just went like this. | ||
| I remember this guy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't even want to get caught in these crosshairs. | |
| I don't even want to be close to this. | ||
| Damn it. | ||
| There wasn't... | ||
|
unidentified
|
I literally... | |
| Oof. | ||
| Oof, that was close. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh gosh! | |
| By the way, goddammit, I just did Andrew Schultz's podcast. | ||
| I did a bunch of podcasts in New York and it was always like the countdown to when that was gonna come up. | ||
| I'm glad we just got it out of the way real early. | ||
| Listen, I love Brendan Shaw. | ||
| He's my homie. | ||
| He's always gonna be my... | ||
| I don't care what dumb shit he says. | ||
| I don't give a fuck. | ||
| I love that guy to death. | ||
| I'm a ride or die. | ||
| The amount of backlash and shit I got when I started and had a show out was brutal. | ||
| It was brutal. | ||
| I didn't know you then. | ||
| I met you at the Laugh Factory. | ||
| I remember I met you at the Laugh Factory. | ||
| I had already been kicked out of the comedy store. | ||
| And it was during my time where I was doing other clubs. | ||
| So it was somewhere around like 2007-ish or something like that. | ||
| Upstairs? | ||
| I met you... | ||
| I don't remember where I met you. | ||
| But I remember saying, can I get a hug? | ||
| You were in the corner crying. | ||
| Yeah, it's so weird to think that because I was at the comedy store when you were not and you were still such a big presence there in a way that it's... | ||
| Because Ari was there. | ||
| You know, it just was... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I felt like I knew you maybe before I knew you. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That was a weird time. | ||
| It was a weird time for you, too, because there was a lot of people hating on you because of your show. | ||
| Because it was so big. | ||
| You had these giant billboards and your face was everywhere. | ||
| You know, that's just one of those things where that fucking green envy monster pops out of people and they get so mad. | ||
| I'm a comic. | ||
| I know what you're making fun of. | ||
| If there was a show called Rita with some girl holding a beach ball being sassy, I would make fun of it too. | ||
| I was young and as a comedian you get an offer like that. | ||
| How old were you when you got Whitney? | ||
| 27. Damn, that's crazy. | ||
| You have your own show at 27. And I wanted to hire all my friends. | ||
| I fought really hard, even though I had no power. | ||
| You know, I wrote the part for Chris D'Elia, you know, and I said, I don't want to do this without him. | ||
| Not that I even had any of that power at the time. | ||
| You know, of course, they want to cast like these actors that have been on nine shows and that have been on a bunch of failed shows. | ||
| You're like, why do I want someone that's... | ||
| People have voted they don't want to see. | ||
| What year was it that you started doing stand-up? | ||
| 2004. So you were only doing stand-up for a short period of time. | ||
| How many years before you got your show? | ||
| Six. | ||
| That's wild. | ||
| That's wild. | ||
| Wild. | ||
| I was doing the roasts. | ||
| I was a writer for the roasts. | ||
| And then I was on the roasts. | ||
| And Comedy Central did not... | ||
| I never got Premium Blend. | ||
| I never got Gotham. | ||
| I never got New Faces in Montreal. | ||
| Which, really quick, just a joke that you might appreciate that I wrote for Joan Rivers at the Joan Rivers Roast, but didn't tell... | ||
| This is kind of an inside comedy thing. | ||
| Joan Rivers has had so much work done on her face. | ||
| Every year she books Montreal new faces. | ||
| And so then I did the Joan Rivers roast and I did so well that Comedy Central offered me a half hour. | ||
| And then I just was like, I wanted to do an hour. | ||
| Because, you know, they said no to me so many times. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right, right. | |
| As soon as I had leverage, I just was like... | ||
| Right, use it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck this. | |
| Yeah, because also then, when comedians complain about their clips being, you know, broken up on Instagram or their stand-up being broken up, I always try to go, like, remember when we were on Comedy Central and they would break up our specials seven minutes and then a four-minute commercial and then five minutes? | ||
| They would just arbitrarily break it up anywhere and you only actually had 42 minutes to actually do stand-up. | ||
| Yeah, and your set was fucked up because sometimes those bits would continue after the commercial break and people would forget what the fucking premise is. | ||
| And if people were just tuning in, they had no idea. | ||
| They didn't give a shit. | ||
| They just shoved those commercials in there. | ||
| I remember. | ||
| It's like, and Adam and Eve! | ||
| I remember I used to do my second Comedy Central special. | ||
| I remember trying to time it. | ||
| Seven minutes, punchline, killer, and do like three mini sets with little closers instead of one big set. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because of the way they would cut it up. | ||
| To be 27 and have your own show is so crazy. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| It's so, like, so much pressure. | ||
| That must have been really overwhelming and weird. | ||
| Well, because I think at that point, you think more is more in terms of press, publicity, that kind of stuff. | ||
| Yeah, just keep doing it. | ||
| Do it all. | ||
| But it's also... | ||
| I didn't realize how, you know, it's interesting the way that, you know, whether it's our business or just people in general, they look at comedians as kind of these children that need to be babysat instead of these mature adults that have gone all around the country and, you know, comported ourselves. | ||
| Actually, we act like silly gooses sometimes, but we really have our shit together. | ||
| What we do is not easy, so... | ||
| Going in and when they were making the billboards and stuff, I was like, you guys, this looks like a cheesy sitcom from the 80s. | ||
| This looks like Veronica's Closet. | ||
| This looks like a Fran Drescher show from the 80s. | ||
| It was like, because it was multicam, it was like purple font. | ||
| And I didn't know what I was doing. | ||
| They do those photo shoots with you and they're like, you know, make this face. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like, do this. | |
| And I'm like... | ||
| And I was painted as the finger-wagging, annoying girlfriend. | ||
| But the show was like a role reversal. | ||
| It was about me, someone who had come from three divorces and was actually commitment-phobic, but in love with someone and trying to figure out how to... | ||
| Like someone who's kind of feral, trying to be domesticated to be in a normal relationship. | ||
| And people loved it. | ||
| They couldn't get past the multi-cam of it. | ||
| And which is weird because I feel like multicam is so respected in one in one way Cheers and well explain what to people what that means means you did it in front of a live audience Sure, like when you shoot show in front of live studio audience Roseanne. | ||
| So who couldn't get past that? | ||
| What do you mean they couldn't get past that? | ||
| I think people would just were so mad that I like Existed that they couldn't it was like well, that's a laugh track They were mad that you existed. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| That's interesting. | ||
| So it's just... | ||
| Who are these people? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Like critics or other comics? | ||
| Like what do you... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I did two multicams that year. | ||
| Shows in front of a live studio audience. | ||
| The Whitney Show and then Two Broke Girls. | ||
| Two Broke Girls was on CBS. It was beloved and ended up going for six seasons. | ||
| That was a show that had other multicams. | ||
| Two and a Half Men, Big Bang Theory, Mike and Molly. | ||
| So the network was already sort of set up for that. | ||
| And anyone watching that network is already kind of... | ||
| I follow the office and community on... | ||
| Oh, I see. | ||
| So they were used to single cam things being shot kind of like a movie. | ||
| I think the Inside Cool Kids Club was like... | ||
| I got news for you. | ||
| That club sucks. | ||
| And those people that are in that club are all cunts. | ||
| The Inside Cool Kid Club? | ||
| Those are assholes pretending to not be assholes. | ||
| They're douchebags pretending to be kind and considerate. | ||
| And the irony is it's a lot of Harvard guys. | ||
| It's like Harvard lampoon guys. | ||
| Well, some of the best writers. | ||
| I've met a lot of great writers from Harvard. | ||
| It's kind of amazing how many good, like a lot of the guys from news radio. | ||
| We're Harvard guys. | ||
| Oh, interesting. | ||
| That lampoon thing, right? | ||
| Well, they're just really smart guys who became... | ||
| You got sort of ushered into this group, and it was a great way to use that intellect and that love of comedy and comedy writing. | ||
| And it was already a clearly established path. | ||
| You know, like Paul Sims had come through there and all these different... | ||
| And when they came through, it's like there was other ones that had already paved the path. | ||
| It was like, oh, I'll just go on to write for sitcoms. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And then, you know, hey, this guy's really funny. | ||
| We'll hire him. | ||
| He was also in, you know, The Lampoon. | ||
| But you're not better than me because you went to Harvard. | ||
| We're both telling dick jokes. | ||
| We're both doing dick jokes here, guys. | ||
| You know, I mean, that is always a part of Harvard, right? | ||
| A part of Ivy League education is that, you know, some people are going to feel like they're elite. | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| Which is fine if you're doing elite work, but there's a lot of people that were just not, you know, but they had the attitude. | ||
| Weren't you taking classes in a building that had Epstein etched on the top? | ||
| Didn't Harvard have Epstein money? | ||
| Did he? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Did he donate? | |
| In the science, yeah. | ||
| Well, he definitely donated some money to science. | ||
| But I had a conversation with a scientist who didn't buy into that Epstein stuff and wouldn't go to the meetings and stuff like that. | ||
| And he said he was really shocked at how little money he actually donated. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| Yeah, he goes, it wasn't that much money. | ||
| He goes, it was really like, he was, more than that, he was bringing them to parties. | ||
| Like, it was an intelligence operation. | ||
| Whoever was running it, whether it was the Mossad, or whether it was the CIA, or whether it was a combination of both, it was an intelligence operation. | ||
| They were bringing in people and compromising them. | ||
| And then when they would compromise them, they would use You know, whatever they had on them to influence their opinions and the way they expressed those opinions. | ||
| And I don't know why they would want to do that with scientists, which is really strange to me. | ||
| Epstein's like, I need you to do a study about how 15-year-old girls are adults. | ||
| They're more mature than we thought. | ||
| But if a scientist donates... | ||
| I'm sorry. | ||
| If a rich person donates to a scientist, do they have any ability to weigh in? | ||
| Or they're just like, here's a... | ||
| I get no decisions about how this money's spent. | ||
| It's a very good question. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I mean, I would imagine the money goes, like if you have a research grant, right, and say like you're working on a cure for leukemia or something like that, you know, you find established scientists that are working on this thing and then you allocate money so that they can work on projects. | ||
| Whether or not the person who donates the money has Any influence on how that money is spent, I doubt it. | ||
| I highly doubt it. | ||
| I don't think legitimate scientists would adhere to that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Allow that, yeah. | |
| Because, I mean, I know that just my, you know, if you're shooting an independent movie that has investors, Russian investors, Saudi investors, like, you have to hang out with them. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| Oh, boring. | ||
| They're at Video Village. | ||
| Like, it's kind of the, it's like you have to flirt with them. | ||
| Here it says, Epstein regularly visited, had card key access to, and was provided a designated office space within the program in evolutionary dynamics until 2018. So that means they gave him that at Harvard after he had been arrested for fucking underage girls. | ||
| Had an office. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Granting him that level of access raises serious questions about the compliance with Harvard's policies, and beginning in 2017, about whether or not the Professor Nowak acted in deliberate circumvention of Harvard's security procedures. | ||
| So he was arrested, and he already did time by then, which is crazy. | ||
| It's also like, at first I was like, oh God, he was on campus with all these girls. | ||
| How scary. | ||
| But they were probably too old for him. | ||
| So look at this here. | ||
| Harvard University said Friday that convicted sex offender Jeffrey Epstein donated more than $9 million to the university over the course of a decade and had an office on campus after his 2006 arrest. | ||
| Nope. | ||
| So he was arrested in 2006, and then after that, up until 2018, still had an office there. | ||
| That is why old. | ||
| But here's the thing. | ||
| Whatever he was doing, and I don't know why he was doing it, you know, and no one knows now that he's dead, but he had a lot of scientists that he was tight with. | ||
| And that was one of the things that he did, was bring these scientists to that island. | ||
| And he would have young girls on that island. | ||
| But like, what's the end goal there? | ||
| This is what I don't understand. | ||
| And what's really crazy is Ghislaine Maxwell is in a minimum security prison. | ||
| She is allowed to do yoga. | ||
| She's allowed to hang out and watch TV. She's watched Netflix. | ||
| Is she allowed to use email to send us the list? | ||
| That's what I was gonna say. | ||
| The list. | ||
| Has not been released. | ||
| Like, there is a fucking list. | ||
| And this is not a mystery. | ||
| There's not a mystery to the people that are prosecuting her. | ||
|
unidentified
|
There's her hippocampus. | |
| Pull out her hippocampus. | ||
| Have Elan put that freaking thought reading. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Elan? | |
| Who's that? | ||
| Is that Elan's brother? | ||
| Sorry. | ||
| No. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| I've been friends with Elan Gold for so long. | ||
| Oh, Elan Gold. | ||
| Well, Elan Gold probably can do an impression of Elon Musk, so there you go. | ||
| Elon Gold does amazing impressions. | ||
| He used to call me and prank me as other people all the time. | ||
| And one time he called me as Jeff Goldblum and I was like busy and I was like, stop fucking bothering me, dude. | ||
| And I kept hanging up on him. | ||
| And then like an hour later, it was actually Jeff Goldblum. | ||
| He's like, oh, this is actually me. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Can you stop hanging up on me? | |
| So random. | ||
| But let me ask you. | ||
| Is it something as insane as this? | ||
| Because what's more profitable than new cutting-edge science, whether it's a prescription, whether it's a finding, whether it's a something? | ||
| If he donates to some kind of scientific discovery that's going to be lucrative down the line, a pill, a medicine, a cure, does he get any kind of power over it or money from it? | ||
| Well, some of these scientists were string theory physicists. | ||
| Like, they're not inventing shit. | ||
| Some of the stuff that they were working on is like this very bizarre, I mean, theoretical stuff. | ||
| I don't know how that's applicable to anything financial. | ||
| I mean, maybe I'm wrong. | ||
| Maybe I'm missing a connection. | ||
| I was just going to say, if you donate to University of Austin, to the cancer research, and they discover the cure for cancer, and you donated, you should get... | ||
| Get a piece. | ||
|
unidentified
|
A little piece of that. | |
| A little back end of that. | ||
| Nice little taste. | ||
| You probably do. | ||
| I mean, they definitely have that with some medical inventions. | ||
| So I digressed about this guy Trevor Moore. | ||
| Did you remember there was a site called Are You Up? | ||
| Is anyone up? | ||
| Is anyone up? | ||
| Is this the most hated man on the internet? | ||
| Well, that's what the documentary's called on Netflix. | ||
| Oh, right, right, right. | ||
| And he would, like, right in the Wild Wild West days of the internet, before the laws caught up with what was going on, he would take photos of girls, like, anything crazy. | ||
| It was kind of like the first, like, 4chan or 8chan, don't you think? | ||
| It was definitely a blog that people went to a lot, and revenge porn. | ||
| Oh, it was revenge porn. | ||
| But then it sort of escalated into... | ||
| sex with animals and crazy stuff with animals. | ||
| And there's a girl in it who's being interviewed. | ||
| I'm just laughing because it is ridiculous. | ||
| Even the girl in the documentary, she has a little look in her eye when she says it. | ||
| She's like, hi, I'm butthole girl. | ||
| Butthole girl? | ||
| Like she put something in her butt. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| And then he put the photo up. | ||
| So she's like, can you please get it down? | ||
| And then he was, this is the Marine that took him down. | ||
| And then you know who else took him down? | ||
| Anonymous. | ||
| I love Anonymous. | ||
| But so that's his ex-girlfriend. | ||
| But he said, put a phone in your butt and I'm going to call it and video yourself with a phone ringing in your butt. | ||
| How's she got a phone on her butt? | ||
| It's on there. | ||
| What kind of phone are we talking about? | ||
| Like a Nokia? | ||
| It must have been a flip phone. | ||
| Razor phone? | ||
| I had a little one back in the day that was like a candy bar phone. | ||
| Yeah, it feels like a Cricut wireless. | ||
| Some of them were pretty small. | ||
| Some of them I can imagine going on your butt. | ||
| Some of the early ones. | ||
| But, well, because then he was like, put your fist in your butt. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Escalated, escalated. | ||
| Your whole fist? | ||
| Yeah, it's not great. | ||
| It's not ideal. | ||
| But I don't... | ||
|
unidentified
|
How do you get back there? | |
| It's a great question. | ||
| Some people are flexible. | ||
| I mean, how... | ||
| At least we know why the site was so big. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How flexible are you? | |
| It might be a front way. | ||
| No, that's not going to work. | ||
| That might be the only way. | ||
| Here's the other thing. | ||
| This is something else that's nuts, is he would tell his followers, like, punch yourself in the face. | ||
| Like, he would dare his followers to do crazy stuff and film it, and then he'd put it on the site. | ||
| There's videos of people just like punching themselves in the face. | ||
| It's so hard to watch. | ||
| But what he had been doing was he was intercepting photos of girls, guys, the private photos from their emails, posting it with their address, their workplace, and the kink for him. | ||
| It wasn't just like porn or sex. | ||
| that was like they were getting off on the fact that these people hadn't consented to posting it. | ||
| So it was like you can find plenty of people that want to have their stuff online, OnlyFans and whatever. | ||
| But like it was it's right. | ||
| It's kind of an interesting it's worth watching. | ||
| Some guy just got arrested because he was running a porn site and he was like promising these girls that he was not going to put it online. | ||
| And he filmed like a hundred girls having sex and promised them that he wasn't going to put them online and put it all online. | ||
| I feel like as soon as-- - You know what I'm talking about? | ||
| It's one of my daily email updates, so I definitely have it. | ||
| And then he put it on like a Pornhub or something? | ||
| Yeah, something like that. | ||
| Something like that. | ||
| But were they just having sex with him just to make a fun sex tape? | ||
| I think he paid him. | ||
| I'm not exactly sure. | ||
| I'll tell you in a moment. | ||
| But it's, you know... | ||
| But it's interesting, because back then, I was watching it as... | ||
| You finding it? | ||
| I found an article on Fox about it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hold on a second. | |
| But I remember the time that you came up to me after a set at the store. | ||
| Yeah, Pornside owner coerced 100 women to film videos he said wouldn't be posted online. | ||
| Oh, would this be maybe like that backroom couch guy? | ||
| I don't know how that it is, but I don't... | ||
| Those are a lot of people's favorites. | ||
| The ones that are... | ||
| The couch ones. | ||
| They're like, I've never done this before. | ||
| Had sex on a shitty couch? | ||
| No, no, no, no. | ||
| Shot backstage at Flappers Comedy Club? | ||
| Like, have you ever done porn? | ||
| No. | ||
| And then next thing you know, they're blowing a guy on film. | ||
| What's with the stepbrother thing? | ||
| I'll tell you what that is. | ||
| Please. | ||
| First of all, it's the pandemic. | ||
| Everybody had to get stuck inside. | ||
| And because everyone's stuck inside, like say if you and I were married and you had a 17-year-old son and I had a 17-year-old daughter and we just got married and they're not related to each other. | ||
| And all of a sudden they're in the house together. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| That's the premise, except the 17-year-olds are really in their fucking 20s and, you know, they're porno stars. | ||
| So that's what it is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's like, my dad told me that you're supposed to be my sister, but you don't fucking seem like my sister. | |
| Well, you just helped me load this laundry into the fucking dryer. | ||
| Oh my god, I'm stuck. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Stuck porn's different stuff. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Stuck porn? | |
| No, no, no. | ||
| There's a lot of stuck porn with stepdaughters. | ||
| Well, yeah, yeah, but... | ||
| You combine the genres. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay, okay. | |
| Why is it so confusing to you? | ||
| I think... | ||
| I mean, it's hard to get stuck in a dryer unless you're Brad Williams. | ||
| Well, I was watching this girl get stuck under a bed. | ||
| I'm like... | ||
| Bitch, you are not stuck. | ||
| I see all this air underneath your stomach. | ||
| You are pretending you're stuck so you can get fucked. | ||
| You're trying to get fucked. | ||
| Your ass is straight up in the air. | ||
| I know what you're doing. | ||
| I'm not dumb. | ||
| That reminded me of Liam Neeson under the bed for Taken. | ||
| You know, remember who was under the bed giving the speech? | ||
| No. | ||
| Of Taken, like, I have a very specific set of skills. | ||
| He was under the bed when he said that? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Also, have you seen all the pictures of Liam Neeson pissing himself? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ciao. | |
| Ciao. | ||
| Why is he pissing himself? | ||
| Is he hammered? | ||
| Is that what it is, Jamie? | ||
| I haven't seen it. | ||
| It is. | ||
| It was brought to my attention on my podcast recently by a guest that Liam Neeson, there's many photos of him pissing. | ||
| Many? | ||
| Having pissed his... | ||
| It's shocking. | ||
| So he just pisses himself a lot? | ||
| I think he just gets drunk and pisses himself. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Damn. | |
| Do you see him? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Dude, it's shocking. | ||
| Well, why aren't you showing us, Jamie? | ||
| I was trying to find a good version to show you. | ||
| There's so many. | ||
| I thought it was going to be one or two. | ||
| There's so many. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's... | |
| Unapologetic pants pissing a thread. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's... | |
| What? | ||
| Dude, it's wild. | ||
| Because guys, I know after you pee, there's sometimes a little dot of pee. | ||
| No, that's a lot of piss. | ||
| Dude, it's wild. | ||
| He just does this a lot? | ||
| He looks hammered every time, though. | ||
| So how does he piss all over himself all the time? | ||
| Is that his thing? | ||
| There's four pictures. | ||
| He's got a leaky dick? | ||
| If you go on images and do Liam Neeson pisses himself, it's everywhere. | ||
| Really? | ||
| It's brutal. | ||
| Fascinating. | ||
| Wouldn't you know? | ||
| Wouldn't you feel it? | ||
| Maybe he doesn't give a fuck. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| It's pretty gangster. | ||
| Maybe it's Liam Neeson. | ||
| He doesn't give a fuck. | ||
| Oh, Jesus. | ||
| There's a lot of pictures of him with piss all over his dick. | ||
| And it's also like no one around him is protecting him. | ||
| Protecting him. | ||
| Or it could be some troll online that is taking all these photos of Liam Neeson and putting little piss stains. | ||
| That's what I thought of at first, but there's too many, I think. | ||
| There's too many. | ||
| No, there's not too many. | ||
| Well, some fucking guy on Reddit is just like dosing up these pictures. | ||
| So what's going to happen in terms of that? | ||
| Like, is there ever going to be evidence, photo evidence again? | ||
| Or will you have to show metadata to prove that a photo hasn't been altered? | ||
| There's no way in 10 years from now, there's no way you're going to know whether or not that's a video of you. | ||
| There's no way. | ||
| I mean, there's 100% celebrity porn now that has not been shot with that actual celebrity. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| That's already been done, right? | ||
| We were talking about Tom Cruise earlier. | ||
| I'm sure you've seen the deepfake, the guy with Tom Cruise that does Tom Cruise. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Have you seen it? | |
| Yes, yes, yes. | ||
| It's incredible. | ||
| I mean, you cannot believe that's not really Tom Cruise. | ||
| And this is just the beginning. | ||
| I mean, this is just... | ||
| What we're at now is... | ||
| This is just introductory technology. | ||
| What it's going to be in a few years from now, it will be CGI rendered and impossible to detect. | ||
| You'll be able to watch celebrities do things that aren't even actually being done. | ||
| Like right now, you can take a girl and you could put a celebrity woman's face on that girl and that girl would do porn and it looks like a celebrity is doing porn. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But in the future, you're going to be able to watch an artificial version of that person do everything. | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| Commit murder, fuck herself with a cross. | ||
| There will be no person that has actually done it. | ||
| But that uncanny valley between artificial CGI rendered images and what we know to be real images, where your mind can discern the difference, that will be gone in ten years. | ||
| But do you think that laws are going to catch up at some point in that it's going to become so illegal? | ||
| Some dad is going to lose. | ||
| I mean, this is where dads step in. | ||
| It's unmanageable. | ||
| But this is when a bunch of dads go, oh, my daughter is doing porn she never did. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Some law is going to be passed. | ||
| Because right now, if you leak a celebrity photo, I mean, the person that leaked, I guess, Scarlett Johansson is the person that... | ||
| Retaliated. | ||
| He went to jail for eight years for just releasing a nude photo. | ||
| So, you know, maybe if the punishment is severe enough, people will be deterred from doing it. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Who's the girl from Hunger Games? | ||
| Jennifer Lawrence. | ||
| Yeah, a bunch of her stuff got leaked, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| People got in trouble for that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, as they should. | ||
| And the interesting thing about it is it doesn't feel like it hurt her in any way. | ||
| Because if you admit you looked at it, you're kind of the weirdo. | ||
| So it's like no one will really admit if they looked at it. | ||
| One thing if you do porn on purpose, and it's another thing if you do something in the privacy of your own home and it gets leaked. | ||
| Like, this is the Kim Kardashian dilemma. | ||
| Because, like, did she leak that, or did that get leaked? | ||
| You know? | ||
| Because if she was doing porn on purpose... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Or was she leaking? | |
| Sorry. | ||
| We'll just call it Liam Neeson-y. | ||
| If she leaked it on purpose, then it's like, okay, are you a porn star? | ||
| What are you doing? | ||
| But if it gets leaked, like, I can't believe this, this is crazy, then you're a victim, and it's okay. | ||
| You came up to me at the comedy store once, and I had done the bit about my boob getting leaked. | ||
| Remember that bit? | ||
| It's in my special. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| I was on edibles in my bathtub one night. | ||
| Fucking idiot. | ||
| I can't do edibles, Joe. | ||
| I don't have the personality for it. | ||
| I'm too neurotic. | ||
| So I'm in the bathtub. | ||
| I'm so high that I'm like, let me make an Instagram story. | ||
| Let me talk to my followers. | ||
| I'm like, hey, guys. | ||
| Hey, are you ever in the bathtub? | ||
| Isn't this crazy? | ||
| Like, just dumb. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And then I get out, and then I go to, like, check it, because I'm just so high. | ||
| You know when you post something, you're like, I want to see if it's going to get in the algorithm? | ||
| Whenever I open it, there's like 15 missed calls since my friends are like, I had just videoed my tit. | ||
| Like, just a crazy person. | ||
| Uploaded it. | ||
| On the Instagram story. | ||
| And then I took it down, and then a couple months later, before I had that last special coming out on Netflix, I got an email where someone said, if you don't pay me $15,000, I'll sell this photo of your boobs to a tabloid. | ||
| And it was a screen grab of that video. | ||
| Someone had screen grabbed it before I took it down. | ||
| For me, I'm making light of it. | ||
| No one should be okay with this. | ||
| I felt in a weird way, like, oh, maybe the universe... | ||
| Like, gave me this problem to talk about because I'm fine. | ||
| Like, of all the things of mine on the internet, that's the least embarrassing. | ||
| Like, I have a lot of, you know, sets from random shows that, you know, would be way more embarrassing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Some sets from the Ice House from 15 years ago. | |
| Way more pornographic. | ||
| Dude. | ||
| Yeah, like I always say, like, to me, the only thing that I was really embarrassed of in my cloud were all the screen grabs of inspirational quotes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Like, that's the shit you have got to delete. | ||
| Like, when you go through your phone when a hacker has it, you're like, oh, God, all these screen grabs of David Goggins. | ||
| Like, this is embarrassing. | ||
| And so I didn't pay him. | ||
| I ended up just posting it myself and making a joke out of it. | ||
| And then Bert posted his balls. | ||
| And it was just comedians. | ||
| We were able to make jokes about it, you know? | ||
| But I can see how it didn't feel super violating to me because I think I kind of violate myself for a living a little bit, you know, as a performer. | ||
| It's just not something that I, you know, feel precious about. | ||
| And I don't have to worry about getting a job or getting into a school and someone Googling me and seeing something that's going to ruin my reputation. | ||
| It's already ruined. | ||
| Well, it's not a big deal. | ||
| It's not a big deal. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, it's certainly not a big deal to you. | ||
| What did I say to you? | ||
| Oh, you just said you were like, that was really funny. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| Because I really want to make sure that it didn't feel preachy or luxury. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nah. | |
| You know, I just want it to be funny, but also go like, this is a fucked up thing that happened. | ||
| No, you're pretty self-aware of that. | ||
| You're not really a person that ever comes off as preachy or luxury. | ||
| You're real self-aware of not falling into that trap, which is so important for some people. | ||
| But, you know, again, I say it again because you have a podcast. | ||
| And because, like, anything that you want to talk about that's, like, a serious issue, you're not under the constraints of being funny. | ||
| Like, when you take a serious issue and you want to discuss it on stage in a comedy club... | ||
| Boy, that's a project. | ||
| It can be done, but also you could fall into this trap like Lenny Bruce did, where in the later stages of his life, he was just reading off legal transcripts on stage because he had important things that he needed to talk about and he didn't have a podcast. | ||
| And I think there's also a way to do it, you know, that's, look, I just, I get very simple about it. | ||
| I get very, I think sometimes the hardest thing is, you know, the smartest thing is to just get really simple and go like, okay, if I was going to a hardware store and I wanted to buy a hammer and they only had oranges, I'd be like, What the fuck, guys? | ||
| Like someone's coming to a comedy club. | ||
| You're a comedian. | ||
| You have promised them laughs. | ||
| You have promised them you're going to forget about your problems. | ||
| I have promised you and you're paying me money for an hour of uncontrollable laughter. | ||
| And if bringing up politics, bringing up Trump, like, you know, it's just not conducive to unless you fucking have it so honed. | ||
| Unless they're prepared to see a political comedian, whether it's Marr or whoever. | ||
| But you better really make sure that you're not dividing people and upsetting people. | ||
| But even Marr, when Marr delivers this political comedy, it's always comedy. | ||
| Always. | ||
| Always. | ||
| It's always in comedy joke form. | ||
| The people that want to do that sort of TED Talk type thing, I mean, it's one thing if you're doing it in a theater and people come to see you, if you're like a Hannah Gadsby. | ||
| Do a TED Talk! | ||
| Yeah, do a TED Talk! | ||
| Being like Hannah Gadsby. | ||
| That's not a TED Talk. | ||
| But they already know now. | ||
| She did her Netflix special. | ||
| They know what kind of comedy she does. | ||
| That's great. | ||
| But at a comedy club, if they don't know you, or if you're one on a lineup, and you want to do that, that's nuts. | ||
| It's like you're doing a thing that's not supposed to be done in that place. | ||
| I just look, and I know that there's a, you know, and I don't mean to bring gender into it, because I don't see gender. | ||
| You don't see it at all? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm joking. | |
| No, that was a total joke. | ||
| I can help you see it. | ||
| That was a joke. | ||
| But I do have to tell you this L.A. story in a second. | ||
| Oh, because I got a rabies vaccine. | ||
| You did? | ||
| I'm on my third shot of a rabies vaccine. | ||
| Why? | ||
| Because a raccoon ran out of my leg. | ||
| Oh, that's right. | ||
| Oh, you were telling me about that. | ||
| So did the raccoon have rabies? | ||
| Unclear. | ||
| The raccoon was hanging in a tree after it ran up my leg. | ||
| Like, it looked like it was sleeping maybe. | ||
| And then it was walking very slowly, which is like very out of character for a raccoon behavior. | ||
| Although I do think more and more people are going to die from wild animals because they're watching Instagram and TikTok. | ||
| And you can find any dangerous animal, like, snuggling up with a human. | ||
| Like, I definitely have seen videos of people, like, friends with raccoons. | ||
| They have a pet raccoon. | ||
| And I'm like, well, maybe raccoons are nice. | ||
| Like, stupid idiot. | ||
| And it ran up on my leg. | ||
| The next day it's acting weird. | ||
| I call animal control. | ||
| And I'm like, hey, guys, I think I have, like, a... | ||
| Raccoon issue here. | ||
| This is classic California animal control. | ||
| She goes, well, it's probably just sleeping. | ||
| And I was like, okay, I know, but it's like in a tree. | ||
| It just looks weird. | ||
| She goes, well, yeah, well, that's where they live. | ||
| And I was like, no, I know that. | ||
| And she's like, well, I'm not going to remove an animal from its home. | ||
| I was like, bitch, I'm going to kill it if you don't come get it, but okay. | ||
| And then she went, okay, well, the problem is that a lot of people in L.A., they are testing their cocaine for fentanyl, and if it tests positive, they're flushing it down the toilet. | ||
| So we're having a lot of cases of animals that we think are just on fentanyl. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| So they flush it down the toilet, and then it goes through into the water... | ||
| But how does it get to the animal? | ||
| The animal drinks the toilet water? | ||
| They seem to think this is a common thing. | ||
| I don't know if it's in the LA river or in the LA water supply. | ||
| It might be really dumb, undereducated people answering the phones. | ||
| That's probably true also. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's probably true also. | ||
| But a lot of people in LA, everyone that I've heard, if they're going to do cocaine, which if you're testing your cocaine, go call your dad. | ||
| Get that apology you needed. | ||
| Go back to one. | ||
| If you're sitting around at a club putting a strip in cocaine and being like, all right, guys, we have to wait 20 minutes. | ||
| Take a good hard look in the mirror. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And then they wait. | ||
| And if it's positive for fentanyl, they're like, well, we can't do this. | ||
| But those are the last people that want to take a look in the mirror. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| People doing coke. | ||
| Yeah, dude. | ||
| I know so many people now that are like, yeah, I have to test my cocaine. | ||
| I'm like, you're 48. Like, what are you with two kids? | ||
| Like, it's Tuesday. | ||
| Like, what are you doing? | ||
| Do Adderall like an adult. | ||
| There's a lot of people out here that do coke. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| There's a lot of people out here that party extra hard because they don't feel legit. | ||
| They don't feel like they're connected to New York or LA, so they kind of have to extra hard party out here. | ||
| There's wife swappers out here. | ||
| There's a lot of freaky shit going on out here. | ||
| You also got all those tech dorks. | ||
| Tech dorks. | ||
| The tech dorks are everywhere. | ||
| Nobody fucked them for 34 years, and they've got a shitload of money. | ||
| Then maybe roll your jeans down, guys. | ||
| Women will fuck you. | ||
| I don't think they need to. | ||
| They roll their jeans up. | ||
| They can roll them all the way up, all the way up past their knees when they have that kind of money. | ||
| Why are you wearing red wing work boots? | ||
| Because it's hot. | ||
| You work in an app. | ||
| It's hot. | ||
| You know what else is wild to me? | ||
| I was talking about, there was a guy on the plane next to me and he's in finance here in Austin. | ||
| And I was like, yeah, the tech dorks are everywhere. | ||
| And he was like, yeah, the vibe of the tech dorks is hard to explain. | ||
| I was like, there is an arrogance that's like, we're better than you. | ||
| We're part of, you know, we're super progressive and we're like, you know, these future heroes. | ||
| We're doing all this tech. | ||
| But all you're doing is working on a bunch of apps that like take people's data. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| This whole thing that you think you're heroes, but you don't even understand what your boss's goals are? | ||
| TikTok has an office here. | ||
| We read the terms of service the other day, me and Theo did, and it made it to the front page of Fox News. | ||
| I did see that. | ||
| I did see that. | ||
| The fucking terms of service are insane. | ||
| Well, here's the other thing, and I say this as someone that uses the Aura band and the Whoop band, but I'm also like, well, that's like collecting our breaths and our sleep. | ||
| Well, 23andMe collected your DNA. But that, I would argue, they found serial killers with that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, did they? | |
| Yeah, they found the Golden State Killer, isn't it? | ||
| That's how they found him? | ||
| Wasn't that Patton Oswalt's wife? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| His wife had written a book about the Golden State Killer. | ||
| Basically, they couldn't find him. | ||
| He was at large. | ||
| His niece or something took a 23andMe test, having no idea. | ||
| And then they were able to go arrest him. | ||
| DNA from genealogy site used to catch suspected Golden State Killer. | ||
| Joseph James D'Angelo, 72, former police officer, was arrested on Tuesday. | ||
| Oh, boy. | ||
| Is that, what, 50 years later? | ||
| More than three decades after his trail went cold, one of California's most prolific killers and rapists was caught using online genealogical sites to find a DNA match, prosecutors say. | ||
| Investigators compared the DNA collected from a crime scene of the Golden State Killer to online genetic profiles and found a match, a relative of the man police have identified as Joseph James D'Angelo. | ||
| Isn't that nuts? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Because it's tricky because people would be like, you can't do 23andMe, they're gonna take your data. | ||
| It's like, I'd rather them have my email than serial killers be loose. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, definitely. | ||
| But the problem is like, what are they gonna do with that data? | ||
| There's a thing that just came out recently that they're going to be able to target specific individuals for assassination by using a genetic weapon that is geared entirely towards your DNA. That's fucked. | ||
| The day where... | ||
| Yeah, look at this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oof. | |
| The day where if you're allergic to peanuts or something and I can just walk by you on a plane and throw peanuts on your plate or something. | ||
| So hold up that. | ||
| 23andMe sold your genetic data to GlaxoSmithKline. | ||
| Click on that. | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| So that's wild. | ||
| And GlaxoSmithKline is a... | ||
| Pharmaceutical company. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oy, bleh. | |
| That's the pharmaceutical company that got sued for Re-Equip. | ||
| Do you know the Re-Equip story? | ||
| No. | ||
| Re-Equip was a drug, I think it was for Parkinson's disease. | ||
| I think that's what it was for. | ||
| And this guy got on it and it... | ||
| Rewired his fucking brain so hard he became a gay sex and gambling junkie. | ||
| He was a married, heterosexual man, got on this stuff, and all he wanted to do was suck cock and roll dice. | ||
|
unidentified
|
This is why it's crazy. | |
| It's because this guy was meeting up with people he didn't even know and fucking them. | ||
| Total loss of impulse control and crazy desires to do gay stuff. | ||
| What's nuts about this, you're saying, oh, well, God, maybe it's just an excuse. | ||
| Maybe the guy was gay and was ashamed and the drug released his inhibitions. | ||
| He was into ancient Greek culture. | ||
| Right. | ||
| He won in court. | ||
| They paid him the equivalent, I think it was in Irish court, they paid him the equivalent of $600,000. | ||
| Oh, it was a French man. | ||
| Parkinson's patient has been urged to stop, not to stop taking their medication. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Keep rolling the dice and keep sucking those dicks. | |
| Because it emerged that a French man won a six-figure payout over a drug that turned him into a gay sex and gambling addict. | ||
| Hold on. | ||
| There are some, sorry for the pun, there are some holes in this story. | ||
| What, like, he was repelled by women's buttholes? | ||
| I don't know what happened. | ||
| This feels like... | ||
| Dopamine agonists, such as Reequip, will develop some form of this distressing behavior, which can range from compulsive gambling to binge eating and hypersexuality. | ||
| A GSK spokesman said, Reequip... | ||
| is a dopamine agonist used to treat patients with the chronic and progressive neurodegenerative condition Parkinson's disease for which there is only a small number of treatments available. | ||
| It directly stimulates dopamine receptors in the brain and acts as a replacement for dopamine which is deficient in certain parts of the brain in patients with Parkinson's disease. | ||
| Pathological gambling and increased libido and hypersexuality have been reported in patients Treated with dopamine medicines. | ||
| These reports are uncommon when compared to the number of people treated with these medicines. | ||
| Prescribing and patient information for re-equip provides information on compulsive behaviors. | ||
| So this guy, whatever, they had to pay him. | ||
| I thought it was a lot more money than that. | ||
| They're saying it is 197,000 euros. | ||
| I'm pretty sure I read that it was the financial equivalent to 600,000 American dollars. | ||
| Do you enjoy gambling? | ||
| No. | ||
| I'm not a gambler. | ||
| I mean, I enjoy it a little bit. | ||
| When we went out with you to Vegas, my wife and I did some gambling. | ||
| Did you? | ||
| Yeah, but we just got bored. | ||
| We were just playing blackjack. | ||
| We both suck. | ||
| Do you feel like there's any, like, what is the skill? | ||
| Like, I dated a guy who's a poker player, and, like, a lot of it is being able to just kind of read people and act? | ||
| You're kind of acting the whole time, right? | ||
| If you're really playing. | ||
| Well, Ari's a really good poker player. | ||
| That makes sense. | ||
| And Ari used to actually, when he was first becoming a comedian in LA, he would make his living by playing in poker tournaments. | ||
| Cool. | ||
| And he made money. | ||
| Like, he would win poker tournaments and place and cash in poker tournaments. | ||
| It's a skill. | ||
| You have to know when to hold and when to fold. | ||
| To know what to do is based on theory. | ||
| It's based on the amount of people that have done it that have been successful. | ||
| There's many books on it and many online things on it. | ||
| But a certain amount of it is based on intuition as well. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Being able to feel other people's... | ||
| Yeah, but like Ari would go to like the Bicycle Club, those places, like Bellflower and a bunch of degenerates. | ||
| Bicycles Casino. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, my friend used to go down there all the time, really creative dude, produced my special with me, Nick Curzon, and he's brilliant. | ||
| And he would go down there and he was like, I don't know if I'm addicted to the game or the conversations. | ||
| Because the people are so damn it. | ||
| You're sitting with people that are just... | ||
| Degenerates. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And it's three in the morning and it's like people that have been in jail and everyone's a Joey Diaz. | ||
| Like, what's better than that? | ||
| I'm like, I get that. | ||
| No, degenerates are fun people. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| They're very fun. | ||
| The best. | ||
| It's just one of those things. | ||
| It's like, it does something to your brain that for some people, you could just walk away, but for other people, they are fucking hooked. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| Well, I spent a lot of time in my early 20s in pool halls, and I was around a lot of degenerate gamblers. | ||
| And I did some gambling, but I was never like a degenerate. | ||
| I was always like, I was gambling because it was exciting. | ||
| I'll play like a set for $100 or something like that, like a race to $10 for $100. | ||
| It's fun. | ||
| And you don't want to lose, so it makes things more exciting. | ||
| But it was never like, now I got to bet on the football game, now I have to bet on this. | ||
| I saw guys betting money on droplets of rain that were making it down a windowpane. | ||
| And they would pick each droplet, they would pick a droplet, and they would put money on it. | ||
| What's the biological basis for that? | ||
| Because that is something I feel like we all kind of do. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Thrills. | |
| It's just thrills. | ||
| It's just thrills trying to predict trying to control it's like the same thing like when um I Do that like when you leave a restaurant and you're with your friends and you just look at each other and just race Like what is that? | ||
| What why did we do that? | ||
| It's so dumb. | ||
| Well, that's just being silly. | ||
| Yeah, there's no consequences there But like I know people like there's this guy a famous pool players names Alex Pagulian world-class pool player Famously will win tournaments or win like a big match and then flip a coin for the money. | ||
| So he wins, like he plays pool for hours and hours and hours, days at a time. | ||
| He'll win $10,000, $20,000. | ||
| And then someone will say, I'll flip you for the $20,000. | ||
| And he's like, okay, let's do it. | ||
| And they flip, and he calls heads and it lands on tails. | ||
| He loses everything. | ||
| So everything that went into it was work and earned. | ||
| Now I want to defer to luck. | ||
| Yeah, there was a real problem with pool players when they would have pool tournaments and casinos because these guys would win the money and they'd go straight to the casino and lose the money. | ||
| They were just gambling addicts. | ||
| Because a lot of pool players, the way they make money is they get a backer. | ||
| So a backer would be like, you, you got some money. | ||
| And you say, hey... | ||
| Let's gamble. | ||
| I'll give you X amount of money, and I'll go with you, and you'll play somebody for the money. | ||
| So you would put up the $5,000, and then another person on the other side would put up the other $5,000, and you'd play. | ||
| And that's how a lot of pool players make money is gambling. | ||
| There's not a lot of money in a professional pool, so a lot of the pool players wind up being what we call a road player. | ||
| You know what I like about that is I am better at whatever I'm doing if I know someone else will lose something if I fail. | ||
| So like playing sports growing up, it was always like I was very good at shooting free throws because it was always if you miss this free throw, your whole team runs suicides. | ||
| That's interesting. | ||
| Which is like, if it's just between me and me, I'm like, ah, it's fine. | ||
| But if I know you're going to lose something, I do very well with that kind of pressure. | ||
| Knowing I'll disappoint someone or they'll have to suffer in some way if I fail. | ||
| That makes sense. | ||
| Yeah, that also makes sense considering your childhood, you know, that you like, that having some, like, having the support of others is very important to you. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Having chosen family, and by support, you know, I think that as I get older, you know, as we all do, I like redefining what friend means, what family means, but also, like, It doesn't mean everyday support. | ||
| I don't even talk to someone on the phone every day. | ||
| Some of my closest friends I see once a month and we text. | ||
| I think it's more about feeling like there's people around me that share my reality, that see the same things I see. | ||
| Because we're in a place where it's like sometimes people that you love and trust and respect, they're like brainwashed by something. | ||
| And you're like, how... | ||
| You know, just people that share your reality, which I think is being able to corroborate your reality. | ||
| Because I think when you grow up in a, you know, whether alcoholic home, chaotic home, everyone has, you question your own sanity a lot. | ||
| Because everyone tells you, calm down, you're not seeing what you're seeing, relax, you're being dramatic. | ||
| You know, the narcissists and the borderlines need to make you dramatic and overly sensitive in order to justify their behavior or Exonerate themselves from guilt, whatever it is. | ||
| So I think that's what we do on stage too. | ||
| We go out and we go like, this is, and everyone's like, yes, we have that too. | ||
| We think that also. | ||
| You're right. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| You know? | ||
| So I think that feeling of like, okay, I'm not crazy. | ||
| I'm not crazy. | ||
| I'm not imagining that is sort of a very anesthesia, anesthetic. | ||
| And how does that relate to gambling? | ||
| How'd you get there? | ||
| That's a great question. | ||
| Having me on your show is always a gamble? | ||
| You went to the support of others, because I said that I get why the free throw would be so important for you to make, because of the support of others. | ||
| The people financing the pool. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The pool players. | ||
| Like, if I let someone down, I'll be better. | ||
| Got it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But a lot of pool players are not like that, unfortunately. | ||
| They're the opposite. | ||
| That's what it would be is like usually like some guy owns like a tire company or something like that and he wants a thrill and so take some guy on the road with them and oftentimes they'll dump they'll make a deal like the pool player will make a deal with the other guy and say listen I'll lose you know you give me X amount of dollars and we'll split the money that way you don't have to worry about whether or not you're gonna win or gonna lose you're definitely gonna win what's the most money you can make as a pool player well people have played pool for a million dollars One game? | ||
| No, they usually play a set. | ||
| There's been a lot of poker players who play reasonably well, not professional level, and they'll get a giant handicap to play a pool player. | ||
| A handicap would be, do you know what nine ball is? | ||
| Do you know how nine ball works? | ||
| Nine ball is a rotational game. | ||
| It means you play one through nine, you make the nine ball in, and you win. | ||
| But say if you played and I played, and you didn't play that good, I could say, I will give you the five out. | ||
| That means I have to run all the balls, and I have to make the nine ball to win, but you can make the five ball to win, the six ball to win, the seven ball to win, the eight ball to win, or the nine ball. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| do is make a ball on the break and get all the balls in up to the five ball and you win. | ||
| I have to make all the balls and the nine ball much, much harder. | ||
| So that would be a way that you would get a poker player to play with you. | ||
| Like say if I was a professional and I had some guy who was a poker player and he wanted to gamble and he's like, make a fair game. | ||
| And I'd say, okay, I'll give you the five out and the breaks. | ||
| Which means you get to break every game, and you only have to make the five, or the six, the seven, or the eight, and the nine. | ||
| You can make any of them, and you win. | ||
| You have all these winning balls, where I only have one winning ball. | ||
| My ball is the nine ball. | ||
| It's a giant advantage. | ||
| What I had not played before, and I was, Tim Dillon rented a place in Malibu, and we went out there, and There was a giant chess game like it was more sort of for decoration like huge like the size of this table a big with chess pieces this big and we played chess. | ||
| It was so fun. | ||
| Chess is fun. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It was like 45 minutes past and it had been like it was five minutes and I am currently trying to take on new hobbies. | ||
| And chess is your new hobby? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well, no. | |
| I'm just like auditioning new hobbies instead of just scrolling the fucking screen all day and just getting dumber by the minute. | ||
| Just things that are mind-challenging but fun. | ||
| Chess is right up there. | ||
| One of the great things about chess is there's a lot of programs you can play on your phone where it'll tell you what the right move is. | ||
| So you could ask it what the right move is, or you could just try it. | ||
| Like, it'll give you, like, there's learning and tutorial modes, and you can try different moves and strategies, but chess is insanely and infinitely complex. | ||
| It really, I think also, you know, I think it's important to know your mind. | ||
| I know that sounds a little crazy, but don't spend too much time in it, but know it. | ||
| Like, know what depletes you, know what energizes you, know if you're a reckless person, know if you're the kind of person that, you know, chickens out at the last minute or questions yourself, whatever it is, you know? | ||
| And it helped me sort of illuminate a couple things about my own brain. | ||
| I was like, oh, I didn't trust my gut on that. | ||
| I just overthought it. | ||
| Have you seen The Queen's Gambit? | ||
| No, I'm dying to see it. | ||
| It's a great show and it's actually a show that was written, the original book was written by Walter Tevis. | ||
| Walter Tevis is the guy who wrote The Hustler, which is that famous movie with Jackie Gleason and Paul Newman about a pool hustler. | ||
| So he's been writing about people that are awesome at games. | ||
| What was the other chess movie, Bobby Fischer? | ||
| Yeah, Searching for Bobby Fischer. | ||
| I was thinking about this last night when I was watching Top Gun. | ||
| Are there certain video games that make you better in real life at things at this point? | ||
| Yeah, for sure. | ||
| Like chess, pool, is there one you could actually practice? | ||
| On a video game or practice on a phone? | ||
| That translates to skill in real life? | ||
| No. | ||
| Not like physical games like pool? | ||
| No. | ||
| Maybe chess. | ||
| I think chess does. | ||
| Because chess in physical form, like moving pieces, is no different than chess with a video game. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's the same thing. | ||
| It's just moving the piece. | ||
| Yeah, you're just learning to play things out. | ||
| Yeah, you're just learning how the pieces move. | ||
| I'm sure there's intimidation by being across the place. | ||
| If you were really good and I was playing you, I'd be intimidated maybe. | ||
| I'd fuck up because I'd be nervous. | ||
| But pool is a game of execution. | ||
| That's why it's so intriguing to me. | ||
| Because it's not just a game of knowing what to do. | ||
| It's a game of being able to control your nerves. | ||
| That's what I love. | ||
| That's why I love archery and bow hunting. | ||
| That's why I love martial arts. | ||
| I love when the shit goes down. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| That's what I like. | ||
| I like when shit gets crazy. | ||
| I like when people get nervous. | ||
| That's where I excel. | ||
| I excel where people get panicky. | ||
| I enjoy those things. | ||
| I enjoy a little chaos. | ||
| And can I ask you a question? | ||
| Do you think that's nature, nurture, or a healthy addiction? | ||
| Well, it's definitely some kind of an addiction for me. | ||
| But it's also a medication. | ||
| It's like, that is how I work out problems in, like, to be able to do that in real life. | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| If you have problems like pool problems or archery problems, there's a lot of tension, a lot of nerves, what do you do? | ||
| You're robbing banks? | ||
| Where are you getting those thrills from? | ||
| So for me, I get my thrills out of doing things that are just difficult. | ||
| Things that require execution, like a pool game or archery in particular, is one of the best because... | ||
| Especially on a long shot, you can't fuck anything up. | ||
| All of your technique has to be perfect, you have to be relaxed, you have to control your breath, and then when you release the shot, when the arrow goes, just any little twitch, any little uh, uh, uh, any little thing that you do with your hand might make it shoot three feet to the left, four feet to the right. | ||
| So magnified. | ||
| You could twitch your arm and you're missed by seven inches. | ||
| But if you keep it clear, keep your mind clear, keep your breath in control, keep your technique perfect, when that arrow releases and finds its way right into the center of the target, it's one of the most satisfying things in life. | ||
| It's kind of like, I know it's not, but it is, like upper body ballet, in a way. | ||
| Because I had that bit in the special about ballerinas, and I make fun of ballet, and I've been getting all these messages from ballerinas. | ||
| I obviously respect the art form, but it is like, they have to be so strong that they don't even shake. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It's just like a level of strength that is otherworldly, you know? | ||
| Incredible composure. | ||
| Physical composure. | ||
| And then, are you... | ||
| I have tricky shoulders, and I've started... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Tricky? | |
| Tricky shoulders. | ||
| How are they tricky? | ||
| Just name my next special. | ||
| They just are like, I broke my right one, and I've been doing this stretch. | ||
| Is this good for you or bad for you? | ||
| It's good for you. | ||
| Yeah, a couple times. | ||
| Because if you're in a new archery, don't you have to really take care of your shoulders? | ||
| Sure. | ||
| I feel like we really ignore our shoulders. | ||
| I definitely don't ignore my shoulders. | ||
| I do a lot of shoulder work. | ||
| I do a lot of club bells. | ||
| You know what club bells are? | ||
| It's like an iron club and I do what's called shield casting where I put the clubs in front of me and I go like this. | ||
| So I'm controlling like this. | ||
| Generally, they're not heavy. | ||
| They're like 15 pounds or maybe 25 pounds I'll use. | ||
| And it's like the weight is all on the end. | ||
| So it's like this kind of balancing thing I'm doing. | ||
| And I'm swinging it around like this and then putting it in front. | ||
| So it's all of this controlled movement. | ||
| And then I'll do... | ||
| There it goes. | ||
| So that guy's doing it right there. | ||
| Club bell action. | ||
| Let's see if you can find a video. | ||
| Oh, I would not even have... | ||
| Let's see if you can find a video of someone doing club bells. | ||
| There's a bunch of videos that Onnit put out that are really excellent. | ||
| You know, we have our own club bells at Onnit. | ||
| So there you go. | ||
| There's the Onnit steel club. | ||
| That's my boy John Wolf. | ||
| And so you can see him doing a bunch of different exercises. | ||
| But for archery in particular, the club bell is a really good tool for exercise because it See what he's doing there? | ||
| Keeping your shoulders straight? | ||
| You want strength in this position. | ||
| So if you're shooting, especially the arm that's holding the bow, you don't want it to be fatiguing and dropping and then you're struggling and it's shaking. | ||
| You want... | ||
| You want real strength and then you want to be able to relax because you don't want to tense your shoulder up. | ||
| One of the things about archery is any tension that you have could result in a twitch one way or another. | ||
| And any kind of little twitch when you're shooting at 95 yards. | ||
| I practice at 95 yards. | ||
| So when I'm shooting it, I wouldn't shoot an animal at 95 yards, but that's what I practiced at. | ||
| So if I see an animal at 40 yards, it's a slam dunk. | ||
| And when you're doing that, you actually want your shoulder to be relaxed. | ||
| Like before I shoot, like if it's an important shot, I go like this. | ||
| I let all my tension out and then I'll draw back. | ||
| And then once I'm at full draw, I relax my shoulder. | ||
| I relax. | ||
| But I have enough strength that I can hold it in this position and it's easy. | ||
| So I don't have any tension in my shoulder. | ||
| This is probably a very stupid question. | ||
| Are you allowed to just walk around with a bow? | ||
| Like, get in the street? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, if you were just walking down, went to the proper hotel... | ||
| The cops would probably pull you over. | ||
| They'd be like, you can't? | ||
| It's a weapon. | ||
| It depends on what you have in the bow. | ||
| If you just have a bow, yeah. | ||
| It's not gonna do anything without an arrow. | ||
| You'd have to have arrows. | ||
| But if you had a bow and an arrow... | ||
| But if it was like Halloween and I had a bow... | ||
| Like, if I don't know how to use it, it's not a weapon, I guess. | ||
| I think Halloween you can get away with it. | ||
| I think it's probably a gray area, but it would depend on whether or not you had an arrow and whether or not the arrow was knocked, meaning it's on the string. | ||
| If the arrow was on the string, all you'd have to do is pull it back and release it and you could shoot somebody. | ||
| And do you put something on the tip of the arrow? | ||
| Or did I make that up? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, it's called a broadhead. | |
| No, but I mean like poison or something? | ||
| No, but indigenous cultures do. | ||
| Did that, right? | ||
| No, they still do. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| Yeah, there's people in South America, and that's one of the ways that they hunt monkeys. | ||
| They use a neurotoxin. | ||
| They use some sort of poison on the tip of their arrows, and that's how they get a lot of their animals. | ||
| Speaking of, I was freaking Tim Dillon again. | ||
| I did a show up in the Hamptons and Tim got a place there and I got a tick on my pussy. | ||
| Ticks are bad. | ||
| Okay, so why are we all just fine with this? | ||
| Because in Virginia, West Virginia, where I grew up, you pull the tick off, you burn it, you bite the head off, you get rid of the head, it's fine. | ||
| I got a tick on me in the Hamptons, and I just sent a picture to someone or put it on Instagram or something, and I was laughing about it. | ||
| Everyone was like, you need to get the tick, put it in a bag. | ||
| Yeah, Lyme disease. | ||
| I had to go on doxycycline, 200 milligrams for three weeks. | ||
| Oh, so it was infected with Lyme disease. | ||
| They were like, you have to take this regardless. | ||
| You should regardless. | ||
| It's that bad. | ||
| Lyme disease is so bad. | ||
| It's so bad and it can become chronic and haunt you for the rest of your life. | ||
| And you have a very small window of opportunity to take care of it right after you get bit. | ||
| So I thought Lyme disease was just for celebrities to post about when their movies were bombing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You know when you're like a celebrity? | ||
| Like, I have Lyme disease. | ||
| You're like, okay. | ||
| Like, we get it. | ||
| You go to the Hamptons. | ||
| Like, I just didn't know anyone. | ||
| And now that I went through it, people are like, oh, yeah. | ||
| Greg Fitzsimmons. | ||
| His, I think, mom was on a drip of antibiotics for like 10 years. | ||
| And people are like, it destroys your brain and your neurological problems. | ||
| And then, of course, my comedian brain is like, wait a second. | ||
| Like, all the most powerful rich people in the world vacation in the Hamptons. | ||
| Like, is there a case to be made that they all... | ||
| Have neurological damage. | ||
| Well, the kind of neurological damage that you get from Lyme disease is very scary. | ||
| Because Lyme disease is actually connected to, what is it called? | ||
| Meniere's disease? | ||
| What is that disease? | ||
| What is that called? | ||
| Is that what it's called, Jamie? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Not great. | |
| We talked about it before. | ||
| Is that right? | ||
| No. | ||
| What is it called? | ||
| There's a disease where people think that they have fibers growing out of their skin. | ||
| And they lose their mind? | ||
| Margellons. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| Margellons. | ||
| So one of the episodes of Joe Rogan Questions Everything, that old sci-fi show that I had, one of the episodes of that we dealt with Margellons because a lot of people think Margellons is bullshit, that it's not a disease at all, that it's fake. | ||
| It's like some sort of... | ||
| You know, some neurological disorder. | ||
| Like, people believe that they have fibers growing out of them, but it's really like carpet fibers that they light around on and they scratch themselves. | ||
| Well, it turns out that most of the people... | ||
| Well, I went to a Morgellons convention of people that were Morgellons sufferers, and one of the people there was a doctor. | ||
| And the doctor said that one of the things that's interesting about Morgellons is that most of the people who have it also have Lyme disease. | ||
| And that Lyme disease has a neurotoxic element to it that he believes is causing people to hallucinate. | ||
| And so like he'll look in the mirror and he'll see like a worm crawling across the surface of his eye or he'll see something on his skin that's not there and he'll start clawing at it. | ||
| And he said so he believes even and he's a Morgellons sufferer and a Lyme disease sufferer and he thinks that the two of them are connected. | ||
| He said because Lyme disease by itself, it's not as simple as, you know, like, oh, it's copper, or it's lead. | ||
| It's a thing. | ||
| You can know what it is, you isolate it. | ||
| He's like, no, when a tick bites you, He goes, there's the stuff that we could recognize, but there's a host of other pathogens that come along with that and go for a ride. | ||
| And if you test positive for Lyme disease, you might have multiple toxic elements from this tick in your bloodstream that are fucking with everything, causing massive inflammation and brain fog and constant pain. | ||
| Lupus, I think, kind of comes from it. | ||
| Arthritis exacerbates it. | ||
| Yep, yep, yep. | ||
| Is that – it's just wild to me that it's just accepted that people bring their kids to the Hamptons and they just get like – It's not just the Hamptons. | ||
| It's all over the East Coast. | ||
| Connecticut. | ||
| Jersey. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| Everywhere. | ||
| Yeah, it started in Lyme. | ||
| I think it was recognized first in Lyme, Connecticut. | ||
| That's why it's called Lyme disease. | ||
| That makes sense. | ||
| Because in Virginia, we never, I mean, maybe we just all just got it and no one gave a shit, but it was never thought of. | ||
| Ticks were just, you pulled them off and that was it. | ||
| Right. | ||
| That's how it was when we were kids. | ||
| There's some wacky theory, some conspiracy theory, that it was some sort of a bioweapon that accidentally got released or some experimental Biological warfare agent that got released. | ||
| That was like a big theory about... | ||
| I think we've researched that on the podcast as much as we actually research things. | ||
| Duck, duck, go, Jamie! | ||
| Yeah, and we found something about it, but it was like unclear. | ||
| I'm just fascinated. | ||
| You know I was obsessed for the longest time about the hookworm epidemic in the South. | ||
| That is wild. | ||
| Wild. | ||
| Tell people that don't know and never heard us talk about that because it's so fucking crazy. | ||
| It's so crazy because I think I always like to look for excuses for people's bad behavior. | ||
| I think it's something that my brain likes to do to just feel better or forgive people or give them a pass. | ||
| Or maybe it's just comedian brain trying to look at the other thing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| In the early 1900s, the hookworm epidepping in the South was so brutal. | ||
| Jamie, please debunk whatever I'm saying if it's incorrect. | ||
| And people went around with bare feet and hookworms went into their feet and they eat your brain. | ||
| So there was the stereotype that Southerners were dumb, they were slow, they actually just were infected with hookworms. | ||
| Was it Rockefeller that set up the program to develop a... | ||
| Inoculation against her, some kind of treatment? | ||
| I don't remember. | ||
| But just the stereotype that Southerners are dumb really comes out of hookworm infections. | ||
| I mean, it was an extraordinary number of people that were infected with hookworms up until the 20th century. | ||
| Yeah, it was Rockefeller. | ||
| Rockefeller Sanitary Commission for the Eradication of Hookworm Disease. | ||
| So in 1909, Rockefeller donated $1 million, which is like probably $100 million today. | ||
| What was the percentage of people that were infected with hookworm? | ||
| I want to say it was somewhere over 40%. | ||
| That's insane. | ||
| Yeah, it was really nuts. | ||
| Insane. | ||
| So that drives me kind of nuts when people are shitty about Southerners. | ||
| Like, they're slow. | ||
| Well, that's where it came from. | ||
| That's where it comes from. | ||
| Yeah, most people don't know. | ||
| But that's really... | ||
| Hookworms once sapped the American South of its health, yet very few realize they continue to affect millions. | ||
| Okay, I can't move forward with that information. | ||
| They're still around? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Have you ever had a ringworm? | ||
| Yeah, I've had ringworm. | ||
| Do you know what it's from? | ||
| From jiu-jitsu. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, I've had ringworm, staph. | ||
| I've had both those things. | ||
| Because when I had the tick bite, everyone kept asking, does it have a circle around it? | ||
| Right, which is what happens with ticks. | ||
| It almost looks like a target. | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| It's on my pussy, which is very... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Danger zone Highway to the Danger zone Cha-cha-cham! | |
| Speaking of Top Gun. | ||
| I thought you were going to go, highway to hell! | ||
| Can I tell you, watching Top Gun, I mean, my nipples were hard, my eyes were wet. | ||
| It was, I just, I don't know, I have family that was, you know, served and it felt like a love letter to the military. | ||
| The military. | ||
| Well, I'm down for that. | ||
| It was kind of a love letter to male friendship, which kind of was a love story between two men, in a way, you know? | ||
| So we were talking before the podcast started about Val Kilmer, and someone said that Val Kilmer was a Christian scientist. | ||
| Is that real? | ||
| Val Kilmer looks like me in a couple years. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, shut up. | |
| Will you please pull up a picture of me? | ||
| He looks like Texas Chainsaw Massacre when the guy put the face on. | ||
| Remember when he was wearing other people's skin? | ||
| Yes, I do. | ||
| He looks good there. | ||
| Well, look at him in the movie. | ||
| Val Kilmer explains why he got chemo for his cancer despite it being against his religious beliefs. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| So, yeah. | ||
| So, what is his religious belief? | ||
| Christian, science, faith? | ||
| God damn it. | ||
| He's only 60. God damn it. | ||
| He does not look... | ||
| Right. | ||
| He looks 60 and Tom Cruise is 60. Tom Cruise looks like he's fucking younger than me, that little cunt. | ||
| Meanwhile, he's right! | ||
| Do you know that Tom Cruise was correct about fucking... | ||
| When he was on Matt Lauer, and he was like, Matt, you're being glib. | ||
| It's not about... | ||
| There's no chemical imbalance. | ||
| These psychiatric medications that they give people are dangerous. | ||
| He was fucking correct. | ||
| Yeah, but also I think we could all agree Matt Lauer is glib all the time. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| He always was glib. | ||
| He was glib. | ||
| Can you pull up Val Kilmer in the movie? | ||
| Yeah, I mean, it's, I feel like, yeah, that Scientology thing is all about, like, no psych, I mean, John Travolta has a kid, sorry, this is going to get me in so much trouble, fine, whatever, who's dead, because they wouldn't give him seizure medication, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Well, that's different than... | ||
| Scientology is different than what you're talking about. | ||
| Val Kilmer is a Christian scientist. | ||
| Oh, right. | ||
| Christian scientists, they don't believe in any kind of medical treatment. | ||
| They're like, Jesus, gonna take care of everything. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| I don't know how a guy as fucking talented and smart as Val Kilmer got sucked into that shit. | ||
| But before he got chemo and had his cancer treated, he was not doing anything because of his religious belief. | ||
| Him in fucking Tombstone, to this day, that is one of my favorite ever performances. | ||
| Willow. | ||
| Him in the cage and Willow? | ||
| I never watched Willow. | ||
| What? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Willow? | |
| Grown man. | ||
| Back in the day... | ||
| Okay, Jamie, is Willow a girl movie? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Not at all! | ||
| It's a bunch of guys... | ||
| Fighting midgets! | ||
|
unidentified
|
I thought they were fairies. | |
| I was a kid. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I thought they were fairies. | |
| Look, no! | ||
| No, no, no, no. | ||
| It's not like... | ||
| It's like... | ||
| Is Tom Cruise in Willow? | ||
| Medieval. | ||
| No, it's like the dingo ain't your baby. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Look, this little guy. | ||
| Look at him. | ||
| Right there. | ||
| The guy from Princess Bride. | ||
| Oh, I definitely never saw that piece of shit. | ||
| Remember? | ||
| For a while, that dwarf for a while and Andre the Giant were in every movie. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Hollywood was just like, we want the giant and the little guy. | ||
| I must have taken time off the movies. | ||
| They're bringing this back too, by the way. | ||
| They're bringing Willow back? | ||
| Starring? | ||
| Who's playing him? | ||
| Same guy. | ||
| Peter Dinklage? | ||
| Warwick Davis is his name. | ||
| This guy. | ||
| Okay, sure. | ||
| So, but I... I never saw Willow. | ||
| That's weird. | ||
| Yeah, maybe it's not a... | ||
| But I saw Tombstone about 30 times. | ||
| Have you seen Labyrinth? | ||
| I think I did. | ||
| Back in the day? | ||
| Because Jennifer Connelly is in Top Gun and she is giving big, big, like, hotness energy. | ||
| Hotness energy? | ||
| Was she not, like, a crush of yours? | ||
| No, not of mine. | ||
| Who was your, like... | ||
| When you were, like, a teenager, who was your, like... | ||
| Madonna. | ||
| Ooh, what phase was she in? | ||
| The material girl phase, I think. | ||
| No, the like a virgin phase. | ||
| Well, was it because she was more... | ||
| Oh, look at that. | ||
| That's Jennifer Connelly? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| Ooh, is she 12? | ||
| She was... | ||
| That's creepy. | ||
| Literally 16, and he was like... | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| But, I mean, it was a different time. | ||
| David Bowie. | ||
| I loved it. | ||
| That was like my... | ||
| The first time I felt any sexual feelings was when I watched this movie, because David Bowie was when... | ||
| Look on that troll picture. | ||
| What is that thing? | ||
| Oh, that's Ludo. | ||
| My new dog is named Ludo after him. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| He calls the rocks. | ||
| These are all the family that helps. | ||
| Boy, I don't remember this movie at all. | ||
| Oh, dude. | ||
| Smoke a joint and watch Labyrinth, dude. | ||
| I got other things to do. | ||
| It's so good, dude. | ||
| The Goblin King? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Ask Duncan. | ||
| I have been hearing very disturbing reports about the new Game of Thrones that they're going woke. | ||
| The spin-off. | ||
| I hear there's a lot of wokeness. | ||
| They're like, may I rape you? | ||
| May I rip this corset off? | ||
| I mean, maybe I've read about it online from people that are just clickbaiting. | ||
| I'm nervous about it. | ||
| I'm nervous about the new J.R.R. Tolkien, too. | ||
| They're doing a thing for Amazon. | ||
| I just think any big production now, it's like wokeness has permeated so deeply into the ethos of Hollywood. | ||
| I can't imagine they would do something like the 2011 version of Game of Thrones, which is pretty wild. | ||
| You know what I think? | ||
| I think they're smart enough to just tell a great story. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| The fuck did you just say? | ||
| You don't think? | ||
| The Game of Thrones guys? | ||
| I don't think it matters. | ||
| I think if the television producers and executives have any fucking say, and which they will, and then the actors have any say, which they will, they'll fuck it up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's wild. | |
| I think it's like comedy movies. | ||
| When was the last time you saw a good, wild, like, Tropic Thunder comedy movie? | ||
| They can't make them anymore. | ||
| Yeah, that is very hard to get done. | ||
| Although, I feel like, did anyone see the Eric Andre movie with Tiffany Haddish in it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| It was more like a prank movie. | ||
| Like, Jackass is what I would say, was the last, really laugh out loud, but that's not a scripted movie. | ||
| Yeah, what I'm talking about is like scripted movies. | ||
| They don't make them anymore. | ||
| But I also think that that has changed for a litany of reasons. | ||
| It used to be you'd have three or four comedy movies come out a year and you'd hear all these killer jokes. | ||
| Now, in one day, you see more funny memes, funny tweets than 10 years ago you would ever see. | ||
| So by the time a movie comes out, it takes eight months. | ||
| By the time you write it, shoot it, film it, all those jokes eight months ago, everyone will have gotten them already on the internet. | ||
| Oh, I don't know about that. | ||
| I don't think that's true. | ||
| Because if you watch Tropic Thunder today, it's fucking hilarious. | ||
| Yes, yes, yes, yes. | ||
| What I'm saying is the genre of wild, funny movies has been killed by wokeness. | ||
| Was the last one The Hangover? | ||
| Probably. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, probably. | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| And I think that there's a, you know, I feel like there's just so much guilt and fear in Hollywood. | ||
| And it's funny because people are like, is Hollywood creepy? | ||
| I'm like, you mean the business that was built on the back of a five-year-old named Shirley Temple? | ||
| Have you watched Shirley Temple movies lately? | ||
| No. | ||
| Of course not. | ||
| I went back during the pandemic and I watched it. | ||
| She's five. | ||
| She's like, hey, little sailor boy. | ||
| It's wild, dude. | ||
| There's a video called Baby Burlesque, and it's her in diapers, topless. | ||
| I mean, she's a kid, you know? | ||
| And two boys, and they're doing little dances in a saloon. | ||
| Have you seen Shirley Temple in Blackface? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| We all owe her an apology. | ||
| This is a baby in Blackface. | ||
| Like, it's wild. | ||
| There's so many crazy things that happen that now I feel like Hollywood is just overcorrecting, trying to be like, yeah, we didn't, you know. | ||
| Well, they don't even remember that. | ||
| I just feel like in general, everyone's just trying to go like, I think, okay, this is the hot take. | ||
| I think the people that should make those moves. | ||
| What? | ||
| I think all the guys that were canceled. | ||
| That's Shirley Temple in Blackface. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Dude, it is up to the waterline on her eye. | ||
| 1935. Oh my god. | ||
| The Littlest Rebel. | ||
| So was she playing a little black girl? | ||
| Yeah, I think she was playing someone that looks like a hangout. | ||
| Stop scrolling. | ||
| Miss Temple even briefly donned blackface herself in The Littlest Rebel. | ||
| Shirley Temple dances with two men in blackface while other actors also in blackface look on. | ||
| That's brutal. | ||
| Can you look up good ship lollipop? | ||
| Hold on, stop. | ||
| Put that picture back. | ||
| That picture is fucking wild. | ||
| Look at that audience. | ||
| That is crazy. | ||
| And what year is this? | ||
| 35. Oh my god. | ||
| Horrifying. | ||
| It's so wild. | ||
| Yeah, horrifying. | ||
| Look at the gloves and everything. | ||
| Like, so strange. | ||
| Why was she a movie star? | ||
| Who looked at a five-year-old and was like, you really got what it takes? | ||
| Right. | ||
| Why did they choose a child to be a movie star? | ||
| She's a kid. | ||
| Bill Bojangles Robinson and Shirley Temple in The Littlest Colonel, 1935, in the famous staircase dance scene. | ||
| What the fuck, man? | ||
| Let's watch a clip, because I am not familiar with Shirley Temple movies. | ||
| I do deep dives on this, because it's this weird thing nobody talks about. | ||
| She was famous at five. | ||
| In every movie she's in, there's no mom, there's no... | ||
| It's just her entertaining a bunch of men, like at war or on a boat. | ||
| That's the, that's, wait, baby burlesque. | ||
| War babies. | ||
| Baby burlesque. | ||
| Baby burlesque. | ||
| Let's see war babies. | ||
| Give me some volume on this. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
|
unidentified
|
1932. Her first speaking role. | |
| Look at those babies. | ||
| This is so strange. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Why is her, half off her shoulder? | |
| He's winking at her. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| She's dancing with a diaper on. | ||
| It says speaking role. | ||
| Wait, what's that in the background? | ||
| It looked like a crop was pushing her towards one direction. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, there was a little cane sticking in there. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| They prodded her? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's like a cattle prod. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That is what it is. | ||
| Look. | ||
| Is that what it is? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| That's exactly what it is. | ||
| It's somewhat a stick. | ||
| Get over there. | ||
| She's trying to cajole her. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, wow. | |
| She's wearing a diaper. | ||
| I mean, this is a tiny little kid. | ||
| Why are we looking at her butt? | ||
| Why? | ||
| Why is it even facing the camera? | ||
| Oh, someone's pissing in this baby's mouth. | ||
| That is milk. | ||
| That looks... | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| That's like on the knees, doggy style. | ||
| Yeah, this is wild. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What is that? | |
| I bet they paid him well. | ||
| He's got clothes on and then he takes his clothes off. | ||
| Yeah, look, and everyone's watching him dance. | ||
|
unidentified
|
This is weird. | |
| Maybe she talks to her. | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| Watch, watch, watch. | ||
| Oh, that boy's sad. | ||
| Watch, though. | ||
| Because she hugged the other boy. | ||
| Oh, so he steals from her. | ||
| Her lollipop. | ||
| Look, she's kissing him. | ||
| Watch. | ||
| She's such a dumb whore. | ||
| All she needs is sugar and I'll kiss you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That was easy. | |
| What's he doing? | ||
| What is he sucking on a dick? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jesus! | |
| What is happening here? | ||
| He's sucking on the finger of a glove and it's hanging. | ||
| Epstein Productions. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh! | |
| That looked like a real fall. | ||
| Oh, that was a real fall. | ||
| No one cared. | ||
| No one cared. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That kid got cut up by that glass. | |
| What was Shirley Temple's last days of life like? | ||
| How depressing was that? | ||
| Because she was famous when she was young and she was not famous at all. | ||
| Look at her kissing a boy while she's hugging another boy. | ||
| He just said you'd be good till I get back. | ||
| How old is she here? | ||
| What, five? | ||
| She's a floozy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look. | |
| She is. | ||
| She kissed that boy and he snuck away. | ||
| Women were all sluts back then. | ||
| That's what they're trying to say. | ||
| Can you look at Good Ship Lollipop? | ||
| This is the one that... | ||
| Because it's a lot of her at war with men. | ||
| And I don't know who her parents are. | ||
| Right. | ||
| This one's wild because at the end they give her a lollipop and it hits her hair. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, here it is. | |
| This is the Candyland Hour for all good children. | ||
| The orchestra will play our theme song. | ||
| You know that song, don't you? | ||
| Sure I do. | ||
| Well, let's sing it. | ||
| Come on. | ||
| Come on, girlie. | ||
| Why does her dress have to be that short? | ||
| Yeah, it's so short. | ||
| You're on a plane. | ||
| This is our entertainment. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I've thrown away my toys Even my drum and train I want to make no noise With real life in a role play Someday I'm going to fly. | |
| I'll be a pilot too. | ||
| And when I do, how would you like to be my crew? | ||
| Not a woman inside. | ||
| Because I watch it constantly. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look how little her skirt is. | |
| Oh no! | ||
| And it... | ||
| Watch when she sits on a man's lap. | ||
|
unidentified
|
This is so weird. | |
| It's nuts. | ||
| Not like a stewardess. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Not one foster mom, babysitter. | |
| Is that supposed to be a plane? | ||
| And why is it so low? | ||
| She's always like the only girl on a plane or a ship. | ||
| But what is that supposed to be? | ||
| Is it supposed to be a train? | ||
| It looks like a train. | ||
| It must be, right? | ||
| You've got to watch the ending. | ||
|
unidentified
|
She's pulling her skirt up. | |
| Yep. | ||
| Lollipop, it's a night trip. | ||
| Into bed you hop and be lonely. | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| Why? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm a good ship, lonely pup. | |
| What? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Now he's passing her around. | |
| It's a gangbang. | ||
| Where's the mom? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Watch this! | |
| Watch this! | ||
| Why do we have to do a cum shot on Shirley Temple? | ||
| Was that coke or a cum shot? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I thought it was coke. | |
| They did a lot of coke back then. | ||
| Could be that. | ||
| Okay, what the fuck? | ||
| They just shitting her. | ||
| They came on her and then they shit on her. | ||
| Cleveland Steamer on Shirley Temple? | ||
| I don't like it. | ||
| And another one. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Does his hand need to be there? | |
| She goes, she's sick. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Why is she frowning now? | |
| Why is she frowning now? | ||
| She's going to get tired? | ||
| She's sugar crashing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| The tummy She's drugged They drugged us. | ||
| All the men are getting excited. | ||
| Imagine grown men being remotely interested in this. | ||
| Everyone in this video should go to jail. | ||
| Probably all dead. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But what a strange... | |
| They scared her. | ||
| She's a child, though. | ||
| Boy, what they thought was entertaining back then is so... | ||
| Now, see if you can find Shirley Temple in her later years. | ||
| Find a video of Shirley Temple on, like, The Carson Show or some shit when she was 80. People say she was, like, oddly normal, but I think she took a lot of time off. | ||
| I did... | ||
| I thought you were gonna say Prozac. | ||
| Oh, probably. | ||
| Probably a lot of something. | ||
| Valium. | ||
| I was re-watching this Hedy Lamarr documentary. | ||
| Are you a Hedy Lamarr? | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| The reason I sort of got into her is Mitzi Shore used to call me Hedy Lamarr. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| Do you know Hedy Lamarr invented Wi-Fi? | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| She was in my act. | ||
| Yes! | ||
| Your last hour. | ||
| Yes! | ||
| With the vegan cat. | ||
| With the inventors. | ||
| Is that Shirley Temple? | ||
| Let me hear. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But I'm pleased with the results. | |
| This is on all your own? | ||
| You didn't collaborate with anyone? | ||
| No. | ||
| No ghost. | ||
| And very candid. | ||
| Open. | ||
| Was that hard? | ||
| Yeah, it's embarrassing. | ||
| Some of the things are kind of embarrassing. | ||
| But if you do an autobiography, you have to tell it like it was. | ||
| There have been about 12 biographies written about me, and one of them, kind of a recent one, I'm told has 526 factual errors. | ||
| So the main reason I wanted to write this... | ||
| I just want to know I did not apply the blackface myself. | ||
| Justin Trudeau helped me. | ||
|
unidentified
|
When you see, like when we showed the opening, the little Shirley Temple dance, how do you look at that? | |
| I was there. | ||
| I remember it very vividly. | ||
| We don't remember when we were five years old. | ||
| I don't remember. | ||
| People don't remember. | ||
| Larry, I remember when I was 10 months old. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| She's crazy. | ||
| We lost her. | ||
| Eh, we lost her. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So close. | |
| Is that the oldest version of her that you can get? | ||
| There's one other video. | ||
| I said it's her last interview. | ||
| She's on a red carpet. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What is that? | |
| Look down. | ||
| Why is she holding that man's... | ||
| She's holding that man's face. | ||
| What's the other one? | ||
| The last interview on the route? | ||
| Click on that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, my God. | |
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Okay, you just made my night. | ||
| Good. | ||
| You just made my night because you know what? | ||
| We love you. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| It's cold down here. | ||
| It is a little chill. | ||
| I'm getting a little goose bumpy. | ||
| Oh my gosh. | ||
| You were smart because you have the jacket. | ||
| I have a jacket, yep. | ||
| Great small talk, guys. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How old was she when she died? | |
| She is dead, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's another video out here that says zero to 77 years old. | ||
| So she died when she was 77? | ||
| 2014, just after her. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| Because I know Betty Page, she didn't want anyone to take photos of her after she was like 30 or something. | ||
| You can't find anything of her after that, right? | ||
| And then I looked up Hedy Lamarr, because Hedy Lamarr, in addition to all the stuff you talked about, I'm sure you know, she experimented with plastic surgery on herself. | ||
| Like, she would talk to doctors and be like, well, if you put this in here, so... | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| Yeah, so there's some videos and photos of her later. | ||
| Do you know that's Leah Lamar's like grandchild or some shit? | ||
| Are you serious? | ||
| Yeah, Leah Lamar is related to Hedy Lamar. | ||
| She came up to me and talked to me about it because she had heard my bit about Hedy Lamar inventing Wi-Fi. | ||
| I was with her three nights ago at the outdoor show in LA and someone said, you're bringing up Leah Lamar and I was like, wait a second. | ||
| It's two R's. | ||
| There's no way she's related to Hetty. | ||
| She's related to Hetty. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| And honestly, I see it. | ||
| She's got that beautiful porcelain skin. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| You totally could see it. | ||
| Now find Lea Lamar. | ||
| Yeah, she's really funny. | ||
| But that's so interesting. | ||
| I mean, I see it. | ||
| I definitely see it. | ||
| She doesn't talk about it in her act, or at least I haven't seen her talk about it. | ||
| There's no comparisons, are there? | ||
| Yeah, there's one that, well, no. | ||
| That's pretty nice. | ||
| It's her, I'm sorry, her niece, did you say? | ||
| I don't remember. | ||
| I wish I could remember, but she's 100% related to Hedy Lamarr. | ||
| That's bonkers. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, there's not a ton of money because she didn't get any credit for what she invented. | ||
| No, she got robbed. | ||
| Majorly robbed. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It was only one of multiple inventions from Hedy Lamarr. | ||
| Hedy Lamarr was brilliant. | ||
| She had something in flight as well, right? | ||
| She helped Howard Hughes. | ||
| Let's find out what Hedy Lamarr's invention was. | ||
| Radio-controlled torpedoes. | ||
| Yeah, wow. | ||
| Traffic stoplight and a tablet that would dissolve in water to create a carbonated drink. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Beverage was unsuccessful, it says. | ||
| She's a smart lady. | ||
| She was also arrested for shoplifting. | ||
| In 1955, Lamar was arrested in Los Angeles for shoplifting. | ||
| The charges were eventually dropped. | ||
| Maybe she was like Winona Ryder, just doing it for thrills. | ||
| She was arrested, the same charge in Florida, this time for stealing $21.48 worth of laxatives and eye drops. | ||
| Maybe she was like, I've been robbed so much because I invented the internet and I'm broke. | ||
| I deserve these eye drops. | ||
| By this time, so we're talking about this is the 90s. | ||
| She's probably really poor. | ||
| Of course, yeah. | ||
| Oh yeah, Calling Hedy Lamarr was released in 2004. There was another one that was more recent that talked about her contributions to plastic surgery. | ||
| Like she would sit down with plastic surgeons and they would try it out on her. | ||
| So why don't you Google Hedy Lamarr plastic surgery? | ||
| Uh-oh. | ||
| 3.3 million. | ||
| Oh, so she did have money that was left. | ||
| Hmm. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| That's so fascinating. | ||
| That is so fascinating. | ||
| And then in terms of, I was thinking about in Top Gun last night, do you enjoy flying? | ||
| Do you ever want to fly planes? | ||
| No. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Me either. | ||
| I mean, I would. | ||
| I mean, the problem is I would get into it. | ||
| With me, anything that I do, I go, I don't have the time for that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, I don't, I have to be careful. | ||
| Because you're 100%. | ||
| It'll be all-consuming. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's a good thing if you harness it. | ||
| Whatever I have, whatever fucking mental illness I have, it's very good if I can harness it. | ||
| But I have to be aware of it. | ||
| I can't just go around playing golf. | ||
| I can't do that. | ||
| I can't even play chess. | ||
| I can't casually play things. | ||
| So there she was. | ||
| Something weird was going on. | ||
| I think we haven't seen someone age naturally in so long we don't even know what it looks like. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Everybody's all Botoxed up and filled with fillers. | ||
| We don't have a point of reference anymore. | ||
| I don't even think we would know what Norma looks like at this point. | ||
| That's really fascinating. | ||
| But yeah, because I know Bill got really into flying helicopters. | ||
| Oh yeah, yeah. | ||
| He took me up. | ||
| We flew around downtown LA. What's crazy about helicopters is you could kind of fly wherever you want. | ||
| You know, it's like going in the ocean and swimming. | ||
| It's not like, you know, if you're on a road, there's very specific roads, like here's a 405, this is the 10, you got to go this way or that way. | ||
| When you're on a helicopter, you go wherever the fuck you want. | ||
| So we were flying around downtown LA. That would spook me out. | ||
| We were flying, like, you know, 50 yards away from buildings and shit, just flying around. | ||
| And one of the things that was wild about it is, like, you realize how many of these buildings have, like, a landing spot on the top of the building. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I guess that's probably for emergency vehicles or something? | ||
| No, for helicopters. | ||
| Oh, yeah, if there's, like, a... | ||
| Some baller. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's like, I want to fly in on a fucking helicopter and land on my building. | |
| And he lands on his... | ||
| I don't know who that guy is. | ||
| This is Harvey. | ||
|
unidentified
|
George Soros. | |
| Oh, this is what I was going to say. | ||
| This is how we get good movies. | ||
| Some good movies. | ||
| Oh, Harvey? | ||
| This is fucked up. | ||
| We get all the canceled guys. | ||
| Oh, Tony has a bid on this. | ||
| Oh, does he? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And they need to make a super movie? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't want to do it because I don't want to ruin it, but Tony got a really funny bit about it. | ||
| A lot of talented people are on the bench, and their penance should be they have to start making movies again for us, and the money goes to whatever cause. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because if Brett Ratner, Harvey Weinstein... | ||
| Roman Polanski. | ||
| Roman Polanski. | ||
| That's the hard one. | ||
| How good were his movies? | ||
| What was Roman Polanski's finest movies? | ||
| He was in some kind of whack movie with Johnny Depp in the 2000s. | ||
| I don't need to fight for Roman Polanski. | ||
| I don't remember a movie that moved me. | ||
| Wasn't he in Rosemary's... | ||
| Didn't he direct Rosemary's Baby? | ||
| That could be true. | ||
| Roman Polanski, IMDb. | ||
| Okay, yeah. | ||
| Frantic with Harrison Ford, which is really weird because it was an underage girl. | ||
| Oh, he directed Chinatown. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ooh, okay. | |
| That's a good fucking movie. | ||
| That's a great movie. | ||
| Yeah, he did Rosemary's Baby. | ||
| Click more. | ||
| Oliver Twist. | ||
| I don't need that in my... | ||
| The Pianist. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| That's an amazing movie. | ||
| Rush Hour. | ||
| What? | ||
| What? | ||
| He might have produced it. | ||
| He might have produced it. | ||
| They might not have just been directing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I think it's because he's associated because he's a character. | |
| Oh. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| Character. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Kid stays in the picture. | ||
| It would have been just for an interview. | ||
| Yeah, Macbeth. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Huh. | |
| That's right, that one. | ||
| That may be his biggest one. | ||
| The Pianist was giant. | ||
| Well, so was Chinatown. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Chinatown, Jack Nicholson. | ||
| Rosemary's Baby was giant, too. | ||
| It's pretty big. | ||
| It's a pretty big movie. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, it's... | ||
| They just remade it. | ||
| It was not successful. | ||
| The new Rosemary's Baby? | ||
|
unidentified
|
They made one? | |
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, they're trying to remake a lot of movies. | ||
| Yeah, it's bizarre. | ||
| But yeah, I don't like Woody Allen. | ||
| I'm the same with it. | ||
| I'm like, I don't know. | ||
| I didn't love his movies. | ||
| I know everyone else loved it. | ||
| I loved Danny Hall, and then I was kind of like, this feels like the same movie. | ||
| This kind of feels like an excuse for you to go to Europe with Penelope Cruz and Scarlett Johansson. | ||
| There's no story here. | ||
| Well, you know, his movies were an extension of his personnel, which is also like a stand-up. | ||
| If you go listen to a stand-up, it's okay. | ||
| It's kind of funny. | ||
| It's okay. | ||
| It's kind of funny. | ||
| But it's also, if you watched his movies in 1970, they would be brilliant. | ||
| I mean, movies were different then. | ||
| The culture was different then. | ||
| People were different then. | ||
| Our perceptions of things were different then. | ||
| If you watch those movies today, they're like, okay, you know. | ||
| I don't enjoy watching men be neurotic. | ||
| It makes me sick. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, my life is so hard. | ||
| I'm so scared of everything. | ||
| You're a strong woman, and you don't like neurotic men. | ||
| Yeah, but there's a certain type of guy that sort of wears that Jewish neurosis like a badge of honor. | ||
| But what I really don't like about it is that I feel like you're trying to make yourself seem innocuous. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ah. | |
| Because then you're going to do shady shit. | ||
| Like, look at me. | ||
| I'm so harmless. | ||
| I'm afraid of spiders and lobsters. | ||
| Like, there's no way that I would be dating my stepdaughter. | ||
| Like, who? | ||
| Me? | ||
| It feels like you're trying to get ahead of something. | ||
| Well, in his case, duh. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| I just, like, yuck. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, I never fell under that spell of, like, Woody Allen is the greatest to ever do anything. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But it's also one of the things that happens is a guy becomes established as being a great person and then that becomes the narrative. | ||
| Like, he's great. | ||
| His movies are great. | ||
| Oh, it's a Woody Allen movie. | ||
| Woody's amazing. | ||
| He's amazing. | ||
| This is what I don't like. | ||
| I don't like if I disagree with you, I'm dumb. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| If I'm like, oh, I didn't feel that way. | ||
| Like, I must be... | ||
| Because I think a lot of people start to, you know, put something on a pedestal as like the paragon of great and then... | ||
| It just becomes this cult thing of like if you disagree you're dumb. | ||
| I remember like when I first watched a couple David Lynch movies I was like I hadn't really gotten in deep enough, but I found that if you say, I didn't really get that, people are like, oh! | ||
| I'm like, you explain to me what you got. | ||
| And it falls apart very quickly. | ||
| Well, it's just genius. | ||
| It's meta. | ||
| Well, there's a lot of people, yeah, when someone becomes genius, that you're not allowed to critique it. | ||
| Yeah, it becomes a thing. | ||
| Or can I just say, I don't get it. | ||
| Can you explain it to me? | ||
| And then they can't, and they just think you're dumb. | ||
| I'm like, well, you can't explain it either. | ||
| I've been guilty of that, too, though, because, like, Coen Brothers movies, I'm a giant fan of the Coen Brothers movies, and I've talked to people that don't like The Big Lebowski, and I'm like, well, you can eat shit. | ||
| Well, that's a sick person. | ||
| Yeah, right? | ||
| See what I'm saying? | ||
| Well, that's a moron. | ||
| We're fucking hypocrites. | ||
| Yeah, you're sick. | ||
| We're both hypocrites. | ||
| Yeah, but it's more like, I think No Country for Old Men is more the, this is gonna get me in such hot water, because, you know, the guy that I'm dating, it's his favorite movie. | ||
| It is... | ||
| I find men, it's No Country for Old Men, Field of Dreams, Rudy. | ||
| Like, there's a couple movies you just, as a woman, you just can't, you're not allowed to touch. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Because they're just so important to men in a way that maybe I just wouldn't understand. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| No Country for Old Men. | ||
| I'm not sure I even understand the movie. | ||
| Like, it's so compelling. | ||
| I love watching it. | ||
| But my guy, it's like his, like, we can't even talk about it. | ||
| He gets so angry if I even, I'm like, but what? | ||
| Why did he have to have that haircut? | ||
| I just have questions. | ||
| Part of the greatness of that movie is his haircut is so goofy and he's so fucking terrifying. | ||
| Yes, it's just like... | ||
| The choices are so wild that... | ||
| Another Harvey Weinstein produced? | ||
| Yes, the Harvard-Weinstein joint. | ||
| But the Coen brothers are just genius. | ||
| What year was that movie? | ||
| 2007. Remember he would kill people with, what was it? | ||
| It was a cattle thing that they drive through cow's brains. | ||
| And then if Tommy Lee Jones is in a movie, I've learned to not make fun of it to a guy. | ||
| Really? | ||
| If Tommy Lee Jones is in it, it's probably like a special movie. | ||
| Oh, he was in some horseshit movies. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| Tommy Lee Jones is in some goofy movie where he was an assassin and someone else was an assassin. | ||
| He's got to have a fist fight. | ||
| He does the best when he's the older cop. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Right, the sensible guy that's seen it all. | ||
| Who's like, ah, shit. | ||
| Yeah, ah, shit. | ||
| The Fugitive, remember The Fugitive? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Great movie. | ||
| He was just chasing... | ||
| He does well when he's chasing someone, but he's not in a rush. | ||
| Have you watched The Old Man, the Jeff Bridges new series? | ||
| No. | ||
| It's really good in the beginning, but then when I get into the last episode, I'm like, you guys have a little bit, there's a little too much talking going on here. | ||
| It's a little too involved, and they're trying to work the script out through explaining things, like people talking and explaining things. | ||
| Like exposition. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, I'm like, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. | |
| Go back to the editing room. | ||
| We get it. | ||
| That feels like a network note. | ||
| That's what happens when networks get involved. | ||
| They're like, well, we need to explain what's happening so the audience isn't confused. | ||
| The thing is, in the beginning, there's none of that. | ||
| What's really compelling about the beginning of the show is that there's very little of that. | ||
| And then you're trying to figure out what the fuck is happening and then you realize, oh my god, this guy is a killer for the CIA that has been on the run for all these years. | ||
| And you figure it out while the show's going on and now he's, you know, this old guy. | ||
| I think that's good. | ||
| Let the audience catch up. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Somewhere along the line, they decided to start explaining things. | ||
| It got to this point where you're like, this is like, it's too... | ||
| Forced. | ||
| No one talks like that. | ||
| No one is like, hey, so ever since you've been divorced, I know things have been crazy. | ||
| You're just like, what? | ||
| I haven't seen you in a couple years. | ||
| How are you doing post-divorce? | ||
| I hate when I really like something and then it loses me towards the end. | ||
| I'm like, oh. | ||
| I know. | ||
| We came so far together. | ||
| Yeah, and now I'm on episode six, and I'm like, what? | ||
| That's so disappointing. | ||
| It's also, there's too many cut-the-shit scenes. | ||
| By the time I'm like, how is this guy just roaming around? | ||
| This is 2022. They would have got him. | ||
| For you to tell me that the CIA is not... | ||
| 23 and me would have got him. | ||
| It's not just that. | ||
| He didn't change his looks. | ||
| The whole thing is crazy. | ||
| If you wanted to go off the grid right now, Like fake your own death, whatever, and disappear. | ||
| How long could you do it? | ||
| If you had no phone, could you do it? | ||
| Yeah, I could do it. | ||
| Go AWOL. Yeah, but I would need to go to the mountains and I would need equipment. | ||
| For the rest of your life, or you're gonna take cash with you and then just go in and... | ||
| Well, it depends on where you want to go, okay? | ||
| You can go to Alaska, and there's motherfuckers in Alaska right now that are off the grid forever. | ||
| Uh-huh. | ||
| But the thing is, you're gonna need bullets. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| If you're gonna shoot caribou and that's where you're gonna get your food, you're gonna need bullets. | ||
| You're gonna need gas, probably. | ||
| Well, you don't need gas. | ||
| If you can go to a place where you can walk around and, you know, you're in the middle of the... | ||
| Have you ever seen Heinmo's Arctic Adventure? | ||
| There's a Vice Guy to Travel documentary thing, like a series thing, on this guy who moved to the Arctic in... | ||
| I want to say the 70s he got a job up there and he decided to stay and he lives in this small cabin and He's like the last Like sanctioned person to be able to live there and when he moves out No one ever is allowed to live there again, and he lives a completely subsistence lifestyle up there Yeah, and so this guy I mean, during the course of this show, and by the way, this was when Vice was the shit, okay? | ||
| This is like the early days of Vice when, you know, they were these reporters that would be embedded in fucking Afghanistan. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| They would do things. | ||
| You know wasn't like all woke bullshit like it is now, but what this kid does is he goes out and it's like the perfect looking guy for the job because it's like this nerdy looking New York kid with glasses and he goes to this guy's cabin in Alaska and he shows like the caribou that he's got hanging from a tree and You know while he's there bears come and they try to get him and he has to fucking kill a bear and And then after he kills the bear, | ||
| he cuts the bear's head off, and he has to send the bear to the wildlife biologist so they can determine the bear's age, because when you murder a grizzly bear up there, you're supposed to do that. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Yeah, so he's got... | ||
| But it's legal to do that if it is attacking you? | ||
| Well, he's defending his life and property. | ||
| So grizzlies, black bears are smaller. | ||
| Grizzlies are, I mean, how many pounds is that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's the bear. | |
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| That's the bear that he had to shoot. | ||
| Well, it depends. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Grizzlies... | |
| So there's a grizzly bear and a brown bear are essentially... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, sure. | |
| I was not ready for that. | ||
| I wasn't ready for beheading. | ||
| I was not ready for that. | ||
| Does that freak you out? | ||
| No, I in general... | ||
| I know... | ||
| I think that, again, as I get mature in life, I'm trying to just know myself better instead of... | ||
| I know... | ||
| If I see a really rough image, it'll just stick with me and I'll... | ||
| Replay it in my head. | ||
| And I like to maybe just... | ||
| I'm trying to get off Instagram a little more because, you know, sometimes you'll just see something. | ||
| You're just like at two o'clock. | ||
| You weren't prepared to see whether it's just like a horrible piece of news or like an image or, you know, you know, I know everyone loves the nature loves metal. | ||
| The nature is metal. | ||
| I love those, too. | ||
| But sometimes I'm just like, you know, I... I go to those first thing in the morning. | ||
| It's so crazy. | ||
| I have to be like, okay, I'm about to see something horrible happen. | ||
| First thing in the morning, I want to watch two eagles kill a coyote. | ||
| Dude, I'm just saying, I open my phone, it's just like a chimpanzee ripping a baby out of a fucking stroller. | ||
| I'm like, Jesus, guys, let me just regroup. | ||
| First thing in the morning, I go to the nature documentaries and the nature films. | ||
| That's what I like. | ||
| Is that how you got to motivate yourself? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's a fucking dog-eat-dog world out there. | |
| No, to motivate you to eat a lizard. | ||
| Lizards are okay. | ||
| Yeah, fuck lizards. | ||
| I know, but the one where... | ||
| Is it the monkey smashing the seagull? | ||
| Yes! | ||
| I love that one. | ||
| It looks so human the way he's doing it. | ||
| Yeah, he's on top of a pole at the zoo. | ||
| He caught a fucking bird slipping. | ||
| I get too sad because when chimpanzees and monkeys, it looks so human. | ||
| It is human. | ||
| I mean, it's primate. | ||
| We're primates. | ||
| We're monkeys. | ||
| It makes me sad. | ||
| Look at that one. | ||
| What is it? | ||
| It's a leopard eating a monkey while its baby clings onto the carcass. | ||
| Can we go back to Shirley Temple in Blackface, please? | ||
|
unidentified
|
On the good ship. | |
| Lollipop. | ||
| That is way more disturbing to me than these animal videos. | ||
| Isn't that shocking? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| If you're famous at five, that means at three they started training you. | ||
| I clicked on that one. | ||
| This one's edited a little bit, but there's a couple very strange scenes. | ||
| Early Hollywood pedophilia. | ||
| Shirley Temple in Poor Little Rich Girl. | ||
| Why? | ||
| Wait, what? | ||
| Oh, this is a video someone made. | ||
| Come over here. | ||
| Kick him in the dick. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You like these pictures? | |
| Wait, what? | ||
| He licks his finger. | ||
| Why does he do that? | ||
| Oh, Jesus. | ||
| Wait, what just happened? | ||
| Watch, he licks his finger. | ||
| Watch, watch this. | ||
| Are they saying he put his finger? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| That's exactly what they're saying. | ||
| Watch, look. | ||
| He licks his finger? | ||
| What? | ||
| Now that your shrivel-ass finger's in my butthole, I'm taking a liking to ya. | ||
| Why did he lick his finger and then have her sit on his hand? | ||
| But did you see her expression? | ||
| She kinda went like... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| What the fuck is that? | ||
| It's, when you think about all the rehearsing and the training and the wardrobe fittings and the, like, it just... | ||
| The licking the fingers, like, what the fuck is that about? | ||
| Bro, that is the weirdest thing I've ever seen in my life. | ||
| That is so fucking disturbing. | ||
| In plain sight. | ||
| That he would lick his finger and then she sits on his hand. | ||
| Show that. | ||
| Don't show that again. | ||
| He's a thousand years old. | ||
| Like, that was just a movie. | ||
| Yeah, what the fuck is that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I didn't think I was gonna like you, but I like you now. | |
| Now I do. | ||
| After you sit on my lap, I'm gonna... | ||
| But someone trained her to dance that way. | ||
| Like, there is a baby burlesque where she's topless. | ||
| We saw one where she wasn't, but it's basically baby porn. | ||
| It's like dancing, you know? | ||
| So it's like a lot of dark, dark shit, dude. | ||
| Dark that that exists. | ||
| Hollywood. | ||
| We need to cancel Shirley Temple to drink. | ||
| Now, let's break this down, because do you think, this is my take on Hollywood has always been, one of the weirdest aspects about it is that there's gateways to you working, right? | ||
| Like someone, you have to audition, and you can become a star, like the Harvey Weinstein thing. | ||
| You can become a star through this guy. | ||
| And so he's got like, Quentin Tarantino, when he was on the podcast, was telling me about this old school director that had a bedroom in his office. | ||
| So he had his office, and in the office it was a bedroom where he would take the starlets, all of them. | ||
| Like, if you were going to be a star, this guy had to fuck you. | ||
| Apparently Hitchcock was pretty nasty. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Uh-huh. | ||
| I bet they all were. | ||
| I bet that was the gig. | ||
| Who was it? | ||
| Melanie Griffith's mom. | ||
| Tippi Hedren. | ||
| Tippi Hedren, who now has a tiger sanctuary, by the way. | ||
| Have you ever seen the trailer for the movie Roar? | ||
| R-O-A-R? Tippi Hedren. | ||
| Yeah, we're going to do a fight companion for that. | ||
| Oh, that's right. | ||
| It's such a bad movie that we were going to get high and watch the movie, the entire movie, with comics, and do a fight companion with war. | ||
| We probably still should do that. | ||
| That's genius. | ||
| I downloaded it and have it saved. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, you did? | ||
| Nice. | ||
| I just did Are We Drunk in New York, and we're like, God, Rogan should be here. | ||
| And they were like, we already do a show like this, like the parks show where you guys sit around and protect our parks. | ||
| Yeah, we get blasted. | ||
| Those shows are the most ridiculous. | ||
| Did you see the last one where Ari tried to keep up with Shane Gillis? | ||
| I imagine that did not go well for Ari. | ||
| He tried to drink every beer that Shane drank. | ||
| Shane put away 17 or 18 18. We'll just say 18. 18 beers. | ||
| In a three and a half hour podcast, he drank 18 beers. | ||
| And Ari got to, what did he get to about 15? | ||
| I think it was 15, and I don't remember if two of the 15 were mine, or he had 17 and two of those were mine. | ||
| So it was either 13 or 15. It's either 13 or 15, and then he's throwing up at a cooler, and he's blacked out. | ||
| Amazing. | ||
| He fell asleep on the floor. | ||
| We had to get the manager to come in every half hour or so just to check on him, make sure he's still alive, because he was conked out right below where you're sitting. | ||
| And the only reason why he didn't throw up all over the floor and ruin the whole place is because we got him a cooler. | ||
| So he threw up into a cooler. | ||
| Question. | ||
| Hmm. | ||
| Okay, so the thing about Hollywood. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yes, there's all these... | ||
| We'll get into all the nitty-gritty, but, you know, James Corden is leaving, or whatever. | ||
| Curious. | ||
| Do you think there's ever a version? | ||
| Ever, ever, ever? | ||
| Because it feels like that's kind of over, you know? | ||
| But is there ever a version that whoever takes that spot... | ||
| Is cool. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Like a... | ||
| Like a comic. | ||
| Like a real comic. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Who has done stand-up for a long time. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Uh-huh. | |
| Who goes back to what the... | ||
| You know, I think it's the late show, not the Tonight Show. | ||
| But what was so great? | ||
| Having comics on. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You know, there's sketches. | ||
| For sure it could be done. | ||
| You have Kyle Dunn again. | ||
| You have Shane Gillis doing sketches. | ||
| You have Tim Dillon being a correspondent. | ||
| You know, you have all of our... | ||
| Is there ever a version where there's going to be a late night show that works given what's going on in this huge... | ||
| Yes, but it would have to be on the internet. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| The problem with those networks is they're captured. | ||
| Those people are so woke and so confused and they're so scared. | ||
| And if something goes bad, they get fired. | ||
| And if something goes well, they don't get credit for it. | ||
| It's like, if you're a host of a show like that, it's kind of on you. | ||
| And all those people, like if you do something crazy, if Tim Dillon does Meghan McCain, like telling her daddy to fuck her tits... | ||
| You know, and if I'm the host of that show, I am 100% getting fired. | ||
| And then the network executive who greenlit is probably also getting fired. | ||
| Which is also crazy because it's like their whole thing would be, well, the sponsors are going to get mad at us. | ||
| And you're like, well, podcast, you have sponsors? | ||
| Yeah, I got a lot of sponsors. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Sponsors like you because of numbers, not because of... | ||
| Right. | ||
| Well, it's also they have a different sort of sensibility. | ||
| They recognize that a lot of the people that are sponsors are also fans. | ||
| It's like they actually enjoy the show. | ||
| I get a lot of sponsors that are people that listen to the podcast. | ||
| A few of the times that I've been canceled, they'll come after the sponsors. | ||
| The sponsor's like, fuck you. | ||
| We like that show. | ||
| I make this argument about you whenever this comes up, which is like, if you just listen to Joe, you'll like him. | ||
| I don't know if that's necessarily true. | ||
| I just mean, like, here's what's interesting to me. | ||
| It's like, you know, podcasting, this is, you know, you've been doing it, you know, the longest. | ||
| I know Tom Green and, you know, there are people who are doing, you know, but I feel like it is on us as human beings now that when you consume something, you consider the date it was made. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| When we eat something, right, before you drink milk, you're going to look at the expiration date. | ||
| Before you drink wine, you're going to look at the date. | ||
| Like, if you're just going to pull a podcast that you did at the beginning of the pandemic and listen to it now, you change your mind 50 times after that. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| It was like, it's to not know the context when a three-hour conversation was had. | ||
| Like, you really have to know when something was recorded. | ||
| Well, the difference between a podcast and almost anything else is that, at least the way I do it, I don't have any difference in the way I talk to people on the podcast versus the way I talk to them in real life. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| If you know me here, you and I have had a million conversations out of here. | ||
| I'm the same human. | ||
| This is how I am all the time. | ||
| This is how I am when I talk to my neighbor. | ||
| This is how I am when I talk to friends. | ||
| If I think something's funny, I laugh. | ||
| More like quiet reserved with like older people or people that are more sensitive but this is who I am and so what I'm doing is having like public conversations Like, while I'm thinking in real time, out in front of the whole world. | ||
| That's not possible on network television. | ||
| They're not going to tolerate that. | ||
| They're scared of it. | ||
| And that's why they push back so hard when it becomes successful. | ||
| That's why they don't know what the fuck to do. | ||
| Like, they're so confused. | ||
| It's because, like, this thing that you're not supposed to do has become so much more successful than the thing that you're supposed to do that they do. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And, wait a second, we conned everyone into believing that you needed 200 people to make content. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| That you were making 30 grand an episode and we were all making millions. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You know, if we just let you do this, if the talented person makes all the money, then we don't exist. | ||
| We don't have a job. | ||
| We don't exist. | ||
| We don't have a job. | ||
| Yeah, there was always this weird sort of gatekeeper thing, like very similar to what we're talking about with like Hollywood starlets, where if you wanted to get onto a network, if you wanted to get onto a television show, you had to kiss the ring, you had to go to the parties, you had to support the right political party, you had to have the same political ideology as everybody else. | ||
| That microphone is driving me crazy. | ||
| Do me a favor and tighten that bitch down. | ||
| Look at my fingers. | ||
| This thing here, right here, right there. | ||
| Tighten that down. | ||
| That thing is wobbly as fuck. | ||
| Ari's balls. | ||
| Yeah, he probably... | ||
| Is that better? | ||
| Yeah, much better. | ||
| Agree. | ||
| And it's interesting because now people are like, well, this person didn't... | ||
|
unidentified
|
They didn't hire a wheelchair person to play a wheelchair person and all that. | |
| Whatever. | ||
| I'm not even... | ||
| Yeah, I don't mean... | ||
| It's more like... | ||
| I'm like, dude, when I was auditioning to be on TV shows, agents would call me and go, you're not getting this job. | ||
| The head of the network doesn't want to fuck you. | ||
| Really? | ||
| That was a... | ||
| Doesn't think you have sex appeal. | ||
| They really said that? | ||
| Oh, all the time. | ||
| It was literally, you're not pretty enough, you're too pretty, you know, you have to, can you lose some weight? | ||
| I mean, the stuff that I, which is, by the way, I didn't complain about it at the time. | ||
| I was like, well, this is business. | ||
| This is how it goes. | ||
| Like, I never expected anything more. | ||
| I never, you know, I was like, yeah, I'm in this shallow, crazy business. | ||
| And if this is how decisions are made, like, who am I to like, do I want the job or not? | ||
| Wear the fucking push-up bra, bitch. | ||
| Imagine like you're in a movie. | ||
| You have to audition for a movie. | ||
| And in that movie, you have to be like in your underwear. | ||
| So you have to go into this office and they're going to ask you to get into your underwear. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Which is just what they do, right? | ||
| They want to know what you look like right now. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yes, it used to definitely be like that. | ||
| How would they do it any differently? | ||
| But now everyone is so scared of people suing them. | ||
| So I did the Foo Fighters movie. | ||
| It's a horror movie. | ||
| And there's a sex scene. | ||
| And everyone was like, you can wear your bra if you want. | ||
| And if you want to wear underwear. | ||
| And I was like, then it's not a sex scene. | ||
| That would be weird. | ||
| I'm not going to sue you. | ||
| I promise I won't sue you. | ||
| Let's not be so worried about me that we don't actually make this a funny scene. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Because the drummer was having sex with me and I get sawed in half. | ||
| It's pretty amazing. | ||
| What is this movie? | ||
| It's called Studio 666. The Foo Fighters did a horror movie. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Where Dave Grohl gets possessed by a devil and kills the whole band. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| It's pretty awesome. | ||
| When does it come out? | ||
| It came out. | ||
| It's already out? | ||
| It was like right... | ||
| We were shooting... | ||
| I wonder if you can pull up the scene where I get sawed in half. | ||
| There you go. | ||
| There she is. | ||
| Is it a good movie? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Dude, it is so fun to watch. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's called Everlong, and you wrote it about 20 years ago. | |
| Rest in peace, Taylor. | ||
| How you feeling? | ||
| Everything okay? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ever since we moved into this house, my mind is flooded. | |
| We all have writer's block. | ||
| This is not just a creepy rock and roll house. | ||
| It allows spiritual entities to cross into our world. | ||
| Oh my God! | ||
| Dude has got one flu over the cuckoo's nest. | ||
| - It's like a send up to classic horror movies. | ||
|
unidentified
|
- Let's finish the track. | |
| - Can we just wait, dude? | ||
| - You found a new musical note? | ||
| Hell yes, I did. | ||
| It's an owl. | ||
| Any chefs in the group? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm pretty handy on the grill. | |
| Yeah, you like your meat charred and dry. | ||
| He does make a killer barbecue. | ||
| What do we do? | ||
| We go save his ass. | ||
| Do you watch this after you watch Willow? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| You wouldn't even go to Top Gun! | ||
| What do you mean I wouldn't go? | ||
| I couldn't go. | ||
| I had a show last night. | ||
| Oh, that's right. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| With Theo. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's right. | |
| Theo was in town. | ||
| They tried to get me to go. | ||
| I would have gone. | ||
| I think, though, I feel like... | ||
| Yeah, I think you'd enjoy it. | ||
| I think you'd enjoy it. | ||
| I must say, I definitely... | ||
| It was the first time I was like, should I be on IMAX for this? | ||
| Would that be better? | ||
| I don't even... | ||
| It's supposed to be. | ||
| That's what everybody says. | ||
| You want to see it in a giant screen. | ||
| It gave me a reverence for the people that fly these planes, which I had before, but it just sort of is like the level of danger is just unfathomable. | ||
| It's unfathomable what they're doing, these fighter pilots. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, fighter pilots. | |
| You're literally fighting other people that are also in jets, and you're shooting missiles at each other. | ||
| Is that not fucking mind-blowing? | ||
| It's a fucking mind-blower. | ||
| Did you hear about how the opening jet is computer generated? | ||
| And it's not real? | ||
| The first one, remember when Tom Cruise was trying to get... | ||
| Yeah, you can't go that fast. | ||
| He was trying to get to 10, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| But that China started investigating it because they were worried we really had it. | ||
| 10 G's is the thing. | ||
| He gets in a plane that goes 10 G's. | ||
| Where does most planes go? | ||
| I think no one has. | ||
| It depends on what you're doing, the maneuvers. | ||
| Because you can bank and you'll hit heavy G's. | ||
| It's not a matter of straight forward acceleration, but when banking, when they take heavy turns, that's when you hit big time G's. | ||
| And they actually show a lot of it in the movie about how when you turn, your lungs collapse so you actually can't breathe as well. | ||
| And a lot of it was like how you have to learn how to breathe and he's running on a treadmill with less oxygen. | ||
| I flew with the Blue Angels. | ||
| Yeah, I went up in a flight with the Blue Angels. | ||
| We went seven and a half Gs. | ||
| It's wild. | ||
| The feeling's wild. | ||
| I had a bit about it in the early days. | ||
| It's like when you're flying and you're in a jet, you're going so fast that your brain, all the blood is squeezing out of your brain. | ||
| So you have to do this thing called hooking, where you hold on to a fucking post, the joystick, and you gotta go like this. | ||
| And you're forcing blood into your head to try to stay awake. | ||
| Jesus, man. | ||
| Yeah, and while I was doing this, I was doing this with a pilot. | ||
| The pilot's in front, and I'm behind him, and I hear him doing it. | ||
| And I'm like, oh my god, he's fucking blacking out. | ||
| So everything is getting narrower and narrower, and you're fighting it off by doing this hooking thing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like, hoot, hoot, hoot! | |
| Like, that's what you're doing. | ||
| That's wild, dude. | ||
| That shit scares me. | ||
| I like scuba diving. | ||
| I don't think I'm cut out for it, but I enjoy how you're breathing is how you descend. | ||
| You really have to be in control of your breath. | ||
| It's all breathing, that's how you go. | ||
| And if you're doing short breaths, so it's a way to really be conscious of your breath. | ||
| But I remember being like, oh, God, I just that's a way to be in tune with your breath. | ||
| But I don't like the feeling of being above where humans are supposed to be or below. | ||
| Yeah, the jet thing is wild because we weren't doing it with we didn't have a G suit on like they don't use G suits. | ||
| The Blue Angels don't. | ||
| But I guess some pilots, they have like a type of suit that mitigates the G forces. | ||
| But the guy, the pilot that I was with, he's gone to nine G's. | ||
| He can tolerate nine Gs, which is nine times your body weight. | ||
| They're all jacked, too. | ||
| That's what's interesting. | ||
| All those pilots are like these... | ||
| I think they're all under six feet tall, and they're all super stocky, because you have to have muscle to... | ||
| Yeah, it's like being in a race car. | ||
| I had no idea that when you're racing cars, you also have to be in crazy shape. | ||
| It wasn't 10 Gs, it was Mach 10. It was 10 times the speed of sound, so that's why it's a little bit of a stretch. | ||
| That makes sense. | ||
| That makes sense. | ||
| Now, they do have jets now that are hypersonic, but Mach 10, what is like the fastest hypersonic jet that they have? | ||
| Have you ever seen the videos of when they break the sound? | ||
| Six times, I think. | ||
| Six times? | ||
| Mach 6. You ever seen when they break the speed of sound? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What happens? | |
| It's like it's going through clouds. | ||
| It's a wild thing. | ||
| It's visual. | ||
| You could see as a jet is going through the speed of sound, like you actually, it's like there's a break in the air. | ||
| Did, um... | ||
| From like the sonic... | ||
| Elan, Elan. | ||
| See, look at that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa! | |
| Yeah, that's what it looks like when a jet goes faster than the speed of sound. | ||
| Dude, that's fucking crazy. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| Did Elon and Bezos, when they went up, did they break the speed of sound? | ||
| Well, Bezos went up. | ||
| Elon doesn't go up. | ||
| Oh, I don't... | ||
| Because Elon's smart enough to just make rockets. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right, right, right, right. | |
| Stay down. | ||
| I know you love the Neuralink thing. | ||
| I know you have thought about quite a bit. | ||
| Would you do it if it was available tomorrow? | ||
| I think you have to do it once it gets implemented or you're in trouble. | ||
| The problem is it's like not being on the internet today. | ||
| If you're not on the internet at all today. | ||
| Which is the smartest person in the room. | ||
| Well, that Heinmo in the Arctic Adventure, as long as he's in Alaska, he doesn't have to be on the internet. | ||
| He's not getting canceled anytime. | ||
| He doesn't have this photo of a Halloween costume floating around. | ||
| But if you're living in a world where everyone's brain is connected to this neural link, and this neural link has changed the amount of the bandwidth, your access to information is completely different than it would be at any other time. | ||
| I know he's your friend, but my brain always wants to go to the joke version of Neuralink, and I can't help but think that he has to invent things to solve his own problems. | ||
| And he's so busy and has so many women to have kids with or something that he had to solve the problem of a girl going, what are you thinking about? | ||
|
unidentified
|
And he was like, we need to start a company to solve that. | |
| Right. | ||
| So I never have to tell anyone what I'm thinking about. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's funny. | |
| Because this is a guy's most annoying thing. | ||
| It's like, so what are you thinking about? | ||
| That's funny. | ||
| But I also worry that, like, I feel like my first thought about anything is awful. | ||
| Like, our first thought is gonna be either a fight-or-flight reaction, some conditioned thing, some, you know, it's like... | ||
| Your first thought with that thing? | ||
| And then my second one, like, this is gonna... | ||
| It is what it is. | ||
| Like... | ||
| I remember I was on a plane once, and a female pilot walked on, and I was like, uh-oh. | ||
| Like, that was my first reaction! | ||
| Because you don't see it a lot. | ||
| I'm obviously not anti-female. | ||
| Like, obviously that's a good thing, but my brain was like, uh-oh. | ||
| And then you go, wait, no, she probably had to work twice as hard to get half as far. | ||
| You know, like, we're good. | ||
| But my immediate reaction, maybe it's because I'm a comedian, maybe it's whatever. | ||
| Some internalized sexism, but I don't want anyone to see my first thought about their baby before I say, like, so cute. | ||
| I'm sure that is what it is, that you're a comedian. | ||
| I'm sure that's the uh-oh. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, it's like normal. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Okay. | ||
| But won't it just... | ||
| I'm sorry to be dumb, but won't it just be like, he's hot, he's hot, she's hot, she's hot? | ||
| Yeah, that's going to happen too, but that's going to happen with everybody. | ||
| I don't think that's bad. | ||
| I think we're just going to understand that that's how people think. | ||
| But if I'm mad at my spouse, and I'm kind of like, I'm going to choose my battles, whatever, and if I'm just like, yeah, good. | ||
| No, they're going to know now. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I just feel like we've really managed to stay above water as a species with a delicate balance of lies and omissions. | ||
| Well, I think we'll have a better understanding of what is really going on in people's heads. | ||
| Some people are going to be able to handle it. | ||
| Some people aren't. | ||
| And that's really what it's going to be like. | ||
| It's going to separate a lot of people. | ||
| It's going to give people an understanding of how other people really truly feel about them. | ||
| And you're going to be able to communicate according to Elon without words. | ||
| But I also worry that a lot of our feelings are completely invalid. | ||
| And, you know, feelings aren't facts, whatever. | ||
| Like, if you just move through something, I think that's one of the biggest problems today. | ||
| Someone has a feeling and they say it's a fact. | ||
| I'm uncomfortable. | ||
| I'm upset. | ||
| Which is, everyone needs to get in line. | ||
| It's like, no, this is a feeling. | ||
| You need to tolerate the discomfort and then take an appropriate action when the feeling has worn off, you know? | ||
| So I just worry that, like, you know, I... Like, when you're in a relationship, some days you're like, I fucking hate you, dude. | ||
| I fucking... | ||
| Fucking hate you and then the next day. | ||
| I'm like, I love you I was just in a crazy had I like put that on record and Made it any more permanent like oh, that was just me. | ||
| I was hungry I was right, but maybe part of the problem is that the communication between two people is so crude Because it's just words and people manipulate those words try to give an impression of the person that's not accurate Yeah, you know, there's there's a lot going on with human communication that would be solved if we could read minds and There's an incredible book that I actually wrote a script with him to do the TV show called Super Sad True Love Story. | ||
| It's by Gary Steingart, dystopian satire. | ||
| He's kind of like Mike Judge, but a writer. | ||
| He did Little Failure, Russian debutante's handbook. | ||
| He's so brilliant. | ||
| And he wrote this book 10 years ago. | ||
| It takes place roughly 40, 50 years from now. | ||
| And it's about, is it possible to fall in love with someone if you already know everything about them? | ||
| I.e., you meet someone, you already know their genetic weaknesses, what they're predisposed to get. | ||
| This person is predisposed to get cancer and this and this. | ||
| Do I really want to appropriate with this person if they have all these genetic issues? | ||
| You know their credit score, which by then will be a social credit score, will be like, how much do people just like you? | ||
| And China has bought America in this version of the dystopian satire. | ||
| It's got your blood pressure. | ||
| It's got all your health stats on something called an apparat is how it's pronounced. | ||
| Like, can you ever truly fall in love with someone if you're not able to have a little bit of cognitive dissonance? | ||
| You know? | ||
| Right. | ||
| If you know that they have all these predisposed genetic conditions that could fuck your kid up, why would you stay with them? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Or just sort of like, that's the kind of thing where, tell me in six months when I'm already in love with you. | ||
| And then it's like... | ||
| Maybe, isn't that like a kind of like a eugenics, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Kind of. | |
| It'll sort of encourage eugenics in a way because those people, people are not going to want to breed with them because it's going to be all transparent. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| But like in, you know, in 30 years, like when you meet someone, will you be able to Google them and look at every text they've ever sent or look at every photo they've ever taken? | ||
| And will, you know, all of us see all of their medical records? | ||
| You know, it could get to that. | ||
| It could get to that. | ||
| It could get to that. | ||
| It probably will. | ||
| I mean, what you're looking at, right, is all like bottlenecks for information. | ||
| And if something happens where they do create a neural link and there's no bottleneck anymore, the amount of information that's out there is accessible to everybody at all times, at any time. | ||
| There's nothing like, I gotta Google it. | ||
| It's there, instantaneously. | ||
| It's gonna change the world in as profound a way as the internet changed the world. | ||
| And in a weird way, maybe the saving grace is also, concurrently, we're having more and more distrust of photos and videos because of all the deepfaking and photoshopping. | ||
| So at least you're able to be like, oh, well, that's fake. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, at least people will question it. | ||
| Even when it's real, you might think it's fake. | ||
| But no, because you're going to be able to read minds. | ||
| There's not going to be any questioning whether or not someone really thinks someone. | ||
| Something, rather. | ||
| So when you're in the mind reading, Will you be able to lie to yourself and it come up as what I'm actually thinking? | ||
| I think you'll be able to see if someone's lying to themselves Based on I mean Huberman is probably who can really explain how this would all yeah sort of happen because it just seems You know, it seems so So I guess maybe because my brain and our friends brains are so cluttered That it's just like so many thoughts at once right Right. | ||
| Well, I think you're going to get to a point where the technology emerges and then we're going to be able to see what people are thinking and And then as time goes on, you're going to be able to see whether or not someone's thinking something that's valid or whether or not they've thought this through or whether or not they're childish and foolish, whether or not they're selfish, whether they're charlatans, whether or not they're con men. | ||
| I mean, how many women are getting duped out of millions of dollars by assholes that that'll never happen in the future? | ||
| Because a woman will meet a guy and she'll go, oh, that's a fake Rolex. | ||
| Oh, you're a fucking fraud. | ||
| You're a con man. | ||
| Oh, look at that. | ||
| So con man will be gone. | ||
| So that's the one thing, like, I don't know what they're gonna do, those scammers online, the Nigerian scammers. | ||
| There'll be no good documentaries left. | ||
| Yeah, Tinder Swindler was a very good one. | ||
| Yeah, those kind of people are gonna be gone, right? | ||
| Because everyone's gonna have Neuralink, or you won't have Neuralink, and you'll get duped, and then you'll have to get it. | ||
| And then your kid's gonna be telling you, Mom, fucking get it. | ||
| Just take it. | ||
| Take the Neuralink. | ||
| So what happens as a parent? | ||
| I'm sure there'll be an age where neural link is allowed, you know, but if you see something, you know, not so salubrious that your child is thinking, like, you know, I'm going to beat up some kid or like, do you intervene like that to know everything your kid is thinking before they're fully formed as adults yet? | ||
| Well, who knows how many conflicts will be resolved just based on two people being able to understand exactly what the other person's thinking instead of having this like, well, fuck you, fuck you. | ||
| Maybe people will be able to communicate in a way where you can resolve conflicts before they ever happen. | ||
| Which is honestly, to me, as I mature as an adult, it's like I do feel like more and more every day I realize that so much is not about what you're saying but how you're saying it. | ||
| Yeah, that's a lot of it and whether or not the person you're talking to thinks that you're considering their feelings, whether or not you've expressed yourself in a way that they know that you care about them, or whether or not you're just blurting things out because it's self-serving and then you don't care about the other person's feelings. | ||
| Like when you're in a relationship or any kind of a friendship and someone doesn't give a fuck how you feel about things, That sets the tone for all of your interactions from then on forward. | ||
| Because you're always going to know this person, this is like a shallow kind of shitty person who doesn't genuinely care about me. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| You know, those are bad relationships, like snide comments, little backhanded remarks, like that kind of shit. | ||
| Toxic. | ||
| So toxic. | ||
| Yeah, and it is odd because I guess maybe I'm using this as a way to anesthetize as we look at people's behavior right now and to feel better about it. | ||
| But I also think people lie to themselves. | ||
| I think denial, this is something I want to ask Huberman about. | ||
| Like, what is denial? | ||
| Because I see people that are in denial. | ||
| And I'm like, is this ego? | ||
| Is it a conscious choice? | ||
| Like, do you know that you're lying to yourself? | ||
| Is this a mental illness? | ||
| We haven't figured out how to, you know, wrangle. | ||
| But you know when people are just so delusional about the reality around them? | ||
| And I'm like, I think the number of lies you tell yourself to get up in the morning is like the litany of lies you have to tell yourself to get through the day. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Like denial. | ||
| Like, what kind of lies? | ||
| Like, you know, this is where I think I've read the most about it, is when a parent, when a child has had any kind of abuse within the family, and a parent knows about it, but can't deal, like can't acknowledge that it happened, because it would just be too upset, angering to them, and so they're just like in denial about it. | ||
| You know, like, I feel like we're in a little bit of a denial about the Catholic Church thing, because it's just... | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| People still go to church, like... | ||
| That's kind of crazy. | ||
| I was just in Italy. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And when you're in Italy and you go to the Vatican... | ||
| They send them over there from here. | ||
| Did you know that the age of consent used to be 12? | ||
| At the Vatican? | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The Vatican's its own country. | ||
| Who pulled that up the other day? | ||
| Who let us know? | ||
| Trigonometry podcast. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| I guess we had child labor back then. | ||
| I guess kids were kind of thought of as adults. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, no, no. | |
| Consent. | ||
| Sexual consent. | ||
| 12. They just recently changed it from 12 to 18 in Vatican City. | ||
| I mean, it's literally a country inside of a city. | ||
| It's only 100 acres. | ||
| And the law does not apply outside at all. | ||
| No extradition. | ||
| And it's filled with pedophiles. | ||
| And in—I was trying to write a joke about this. | ||
| I never could really—it made people too uncomfortable or something. | ||
| I think I could crack it maybe for the next hour, but it was when a priest here molests a child, they just send him over to the Vatican to live there, and he's protected forever. | ||
| And, like, I don't want to molest a kid, but, like, if I get a free trip to Italy, like, it feels kind of like an incentive. | ||
| They're like, if you molest one kid, you get to live in Italy forever. | ||
| Well, you have to live inside the Vatican and never leave. | ||
| Ratzinger, the last pope, he can't leave the Vatican. | ||
| That guy was wanted for crimes against humanity. | ||
| Make sure that's correct. | ||
| There was something about what he had done. | ||
| One of the things that Ratzinger had done, he was in charge of taking people that had molested kids and moving them. | ||
| So instead of having them arrested and turning them in, he moved this one guy to a place where he went on to molest 100 deaf kids. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That was the Pope. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Can't. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And so this new Pope Francis is supposed to be like more progressive and, you know, he's like sort of more of a Pope in the modern sense. | ||
| Did you see the Under the Banner of Heaven, the Mormon documentary? | ||
| No. | ||
| I think it is so wild that this is going to get me a dart in the neck or something. | ||
| There's so much fear around the Mormon church. | ||
| Like watching it, it's Right now, these men are marrying 15-year-old girls. | ||
| Right now? | ||
| Tell me if I'm wrong, allegedly. | ||
| But we've got to get to the Ratzinger thing first. | ||
| Oh, good night, sorry. | ||
| But when they have Friday night events where the girls will be in their dresses and they sing a song, it's called Be Sweet. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They go, be sweet, be sweet. | |
| It's just so dark. | ||
| And they're 15 years old? | ||
| They're literally, I mean, sometimes younger. | ||
| And dads, like, willingly give their kids, like, their girl. | ||
| It's psychotic. | ||
| Like, I don't understand why we're not all just storming Salt Lake City and getting these girls out. | ||
| It's shocking to me. | ||
| That's all happening now? | ||
| What'd you find out about Ratzinger? | ||
| He was the first pope to resign since, like, the 1400s. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Before death. | ||
| Prior to 2001, the primary responsibility for investigating allegations of sexual abuse and disciplining the perpetrators rested with individual diocese. | ||
| In 2001, Ratzinger convinced John Paul II to put the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith in charge of all sexual abuse allegations. | ||
| According to John L. Allen, Ratzinger in the following years acquired familiarity with the contours of the problem that virtually no other figure in the Catholic Church can claim. | ||
| Driven by that encounter with what he would later refer to as filth in the Church, Ratzinger seems to have undergone something of a conversion experience throughout 2003-2004. | ||
| From that point forward, He and his staff seem to be driven by a convert zeal to clean up the mess. | ||
| What does that mean? | ||
| It just goes on to talk about... | ||
| All those different issues? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| The problem with this is, like, you don't know who fucking wrote this. | ||
| It's also like, what are we doing? | ||
| Cardinal, Pope... | ||
| This is Wikipedia. | ||
| What are we doing? | ||
| Well, they're all creeps. | ||
| Why do you have names? | ||
| Like, you're LARPing in medieval times. | ||
| Well, the problem is, it's got this ancient sort of tradition connected to it. | ||
| So nothing goes on in your head when you're putting on that hat. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You're not like, do I still need Right. | |
| Dressing like a superhero. | ||
| Did you have much religion growing up at all? | ||
| Yeah, for a little bit when I was young. | ||
| I went to Catholic school for first grade. | ||
| I look back at that, and I'm not trying to make a big statement about it, but I look back and I'm like, yeah, I went to Catholic school when I was younger, and there's something weird about realizing that you're kind of part of a sexy idea without knowing. | ||
| Like, Catholic schoolgirl, that's such a thing. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| And before you even realize it, you're just like, you know, we'd always roll our skirts up and walk, and you're like, oh, I didn't even realize I was probably so looked at sexually before I even understood what it meant. | ||
| Well, there was a narrative when I was in high school that girls that went to Catholic school were hornier. | ||
| Taking the butt. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, really? | ||
| Well, so you don't... | ||
| It's not technically sex. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| That was after my time. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| But, uh... | ||
| The glory days. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| During my high school time, girls didn't shave, so the butt was like chaos. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| They didn't trim their bush. | ||
| There was madness down there. | ||
| Oh, right. | ||
| Nobody wanted to stick it in your butt. | ||
| butt was a mess you know like more changed everything because the Okay, I lasered everything when I was like 24, so I'm not even sure what it would look like. | ||
| I don't have any concept of what now. | ||
| Oh, you torched it forever? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| It doesn't grow back? | ||
| I'm freezing. | ||
| Do you see me? | ||
| I keep sliding off the chair. | ||
| Porn doesn't grow back? | ||
| I did it at a time when they just took a blowtorch. | ||
| I mean, it was before the now kind of thing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Did it scar you? | |
| No, it's just I still have a couple little smithers hairs that'll come out. | ||
| Oh, like a tree after a forest gets burnt down, a little sprout grows up? | ||
| It'll just be, like, one long one that I'll have to get. | ||
| But, yeah, I did, like, seven sessions over, like, two years. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jesus. | |
| And I remember I was at the All Ball Tour once, and Sarah Silverman, I was, like, changing in front of her, and she was like, Jesus! | ||
| Like, she was just like, God damn! | ||
| And she was like, as you get older, you're going to wish you had not done that. | ||
| Why was she saying that? | ||
| Just as things start to kind of change, she's like, you're going to wish that... | ||
| You're going to wish you had hair? | ||
| You're not going to want that to be bald forever. | ||
| So... | ||
| I don't know why that would matter. | ||
| Well, just, I would imagine things can, I don't know. | ||
| What were you just showing us? | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| Utah lawmaker wants to raise legal marriage age to 18. Oh, what's it now? | ||
| Okay, there have been thousands of underage marriages in the U.S. since the year 2000, and until recently, more than half of the states didn't set a limit on how young someone could get married if they met criteria like parental approval. | ||
| But isn't if you're in the Mormon church... | ||
| Does it say what age it is, though? | ||
| I think it was the thing I had before, maybe it was like 15. Oh, God. | ||
| Can you look up... | ||
| I was 15 with parents in the court, and then 16 to 17-year-olds... | ||
| So that's the thing. | ||
| Can marry with parental permission. | ||
| Yeah, so under Utah law, people as young as 15 can marry with permission from their parents in the court. | ||
| But here's the thing. | ||
| Can a 15-year-old marry a 15-year-old? | ||
| Or can a 15-year-old marry a 40-year-old? | ||
| No, they're like 60 years old and they already have like five or six wives. | ||
| These are the Mormons that practice polygamy. | ||
| I know a lot of Mormons. | ||
| But these are the ones that get in trouble, right? | ||
| Because you're not allowed to have polygamy in the United States. | ||
| That's the whole reason why they have those Mormon cults in Mexico. | ||
| It's called Under the Banner of Heaven, let's make sure I'm getting it right, the documentary, because I know that was also a book, but I think something interesting happens when documentaries come out exposing these things now, we all talk about it and we watch it, but I sort of feel like we think because a documentary was made about it, it was like exposed and like, oh, that was handled, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But like, I'm like, I'm still... | ||
| Do you know that's where Mitt Romney's family's from? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| They all moved to Mexico so they could have a bunch of wives. | ||
| Yeah, his dad was born in Mexico. | ||
| That's why his dad could never be president. | ||
| I think it's fine to have many wives as long as they're not 15. Right. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| I guess. | ||
| Yeah, it's different. | ||
| Their dads give them to these older men and it's like a sign of like you move up like higher in the church. | ||
| So, Under the Banner of Heaven is a true crime tale adapted by Milk writer Dustin Lawrence Lance Black from John Krakauer's non-fiction tome. | ||
| The miniseries layers on some fictional elements to the story and has reignited criticism from members of The Church of Jesus Christ and Latter-day Saints for its portrayal of Mormons as violent and insular. | ||
| Can you look up Be Sweet? | ||
| Because that's the motto that they... | ||
| The song they sing? | ||
| They try to... | ||
| Yes. | ||
| And Be Sweet. | ||
| Yeah, that should be it. | ||
| Like a video. | ||
| I would look for a video of... | ||
| It's the girls singing and it's a Friday night. | ||
| All the guys are watching these... | ||
| And that's in that documentary? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Sometimes it just takes seeing one thing to just be like, I can never get that out of my head. | ||
| Why don't you look into videos? | ||
| Well, it didn't seem like this isn't going the right way. | ||
| Oh, nice. | ||
| Oh, that is weird. | ||
| This isn't going to show it. | ||
| When they sing B, I would say B-Sweet Mormon. | ||
| Yeah, try that and look. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Oh, I don't remember. | ||
| But it might not be called... | ||
| Can you imagine if you're like a fucking 35-year-old person and you're realizing that you wasted your life in a cult? | ||
| Dude, I... And then you're fucked. | ||
| And... | ||
| My wife has a friend like that. | ||
| Be sweet. | ||
| She was in the Mormons until she was in her 40s and then she left the Mormons and now she like openly admits that she's vulnerable to like cults and different things because she just was so accepting of stuff. | ||
| Keep sweet. | ||
| I'm sorry. | ||
| I got it wrong. | ||
| Oh, that's the guy. | ||
| That's the guy that got busted. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Known as FLDS. It's a far offshoot of the Mormon church and supports the practice of polygamy. | |
| The more wives, the more children you have, the higher in heaven you'll be. | ||
| When you're taught something from birth, from your mother and your father, you believe them because they're your parents. | ||
| It was for our salvation. | ||
| You did whatever it took, even if it was wrong. | ||
| One day, my name was brought up and I was to be married. | ||
| I was 14. Warren Jeffs took over this religion and turned it into money and power and sex. | ||
| Young girls were like a commodity owned by the church. | ||
| Warren had himself 78 wives. | ||
| 24 of those wives were underage. | ||
| We're gonna go after the criminals and we're gonna go after the child abusers. | ||
| To stand up against a multi-million dollar church, you're going up against a lifetime of conditioning and fear. | ||
| He took their families away, took their homes away. | ||
| Might as well have just lined them up against the wall and shot them. | ||
| You don't fight the priesthood. | ||
| You don't fight the prophet. | ||
| But it was so much bigger than just Warren and me. | ||
| It happens to everybody eventually. | ||
| You will come around and see the light. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We love you. | |
| I love all of you. | ||
| And go, what the f***? | ||
| Sweet spirit. | ||
| Keep Sweet, Pray, and Obey. | ||
| And it's on Netflix. | ||
| So that's out now? | ||
| June 8th. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you're watching the girls saying, Keep Sweet. | ||
| It's so wild. | ||
| Yeah, would they say you had 70 wide? | ||
| 78, 24 underage. | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| But it's also, it's like, there's something interesting. | ||
| Like, what would have to happen for that to stop? | ||
| Like, the documentary's not going to be enough. | ||
| It's just going to be more people know about it, and it's still just going to keep going on, I guess. | ||
| Well, didn't they? | ||
| They arrested that one guy. | ||
| He got arrested. | ||
| But the people keep practicing the same way? | ||
| But do you think in your mind you really believe that? | ||
| Or you're like, I just want to be able to marry young girls? | ||
| Or in your mind you're like, this is actually what God wants. | ||
| Like, are they that brainwashed or are they using that to just justify? | ||
| It's shocking to me that someone wouldn't be more self-aware. | ||
| Well, it's not written anywhere that God wants that. | ||
| It's not written anywhere that God wants you to have 70-something wives. | ||
| So these are people that are just using this to justify gross shit. | ||
| I think that just ultimately happens when someone's running a cult. | ||
| When you've got a bunch of people and they're living their lives based on you preaching at a pulpit and the way you're saying things and taking all their money and fucking their wives. | ||
| That's a big part of all cults is sex. | ||
| It's so anathema to, I think, comedian brains, because our thing is question everything. | ||
| Even something you subscribe to, you constantly should question. | ||
| If you're a Republican or Democrat, you should constantly be questioning your own party and the other party. | ||
| It's so weird to me to just be like, oh yeah, this guy's in power. | ||
| He must know what he's talking about. | ||
| There's so many people out there that don't want to question things. | ||
| They just want someone to sort of carve a path for them and guide them. | ||
| And if you think that it's because of God, which is like the perfect justification for you to follow some wacky stuff... | ||
| Isn't it like a drug, basically? | ||
| I mean, it's like an anesthesia. | ||
| It's a way to just sort of go unconscious, to go offline. | ||
| I was watching Hulu as a documentary on this cult leader. | ||
| Her name was Teal Swan. | ||
| I've heard that name before. | ||
| It's wild! | ||
| She started this cult, just kind of not a doctor, not a scientist. | ||
| And it's the kind of thing where you're like, oh, if someone wants to be a part of this or doesn't see through it, maybe they should be here. | ||
| What is her cult? | ||
| It's about... | ||
| She was sexually abused. | ||
| She comes from a satanic cult. | ||
| And then she does therapy to help you face your traumas. | ||
| Which right now, there's a lot of that out there. | ||
| Where people are sort of pretending to be these trauma healers when they have no medical degrees. | ||
| They're just kind of on Instagram. | ||
| And they're like, you know, write a letter to your inner child and don't talk to... | ||
| You know, it's just sort of... | ||
| People that are broken just kind of being magnetically attracted to someone who is like a narcissist who's going to promise them, like, I'm going to fix you. | ||
| But when someone tells you that they know how to fix you, that's always, like, super compelling to people. | ||
| Like, I have found the way. | ||
| I found the way out of your problems. | ||
| It's all your trauma. | ||
| And this can be healed. | ||
| You can be healed. | ||
| Like, there's not a lot of cult leaders that have—I mean, like, who's—like, I feel like it never ends well. | ||
| Like, the jig is going to be up eventually because you're also basically attracting a lot of really mentally ill people that are going to turn on you at some point. | ||
| It's a dangerous group of people to have around. | ||
| They can be very loyal, but when they turn on you, they're going to spend their whole life, you know, dedicated to taking you down because of that vengeance, that sort of need— And this teal swan lady, did they take her down? | ||
| The documentary filmmakers followed her for three years, pretending they were, like, into her. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And, uh, very active on YouTube still, I bet. | ||
| She also did videos after each episode aired, like, debunking the videos, but it makes her look terrible. | ||
| The documentary makes her look terrible. | ||
| Yeah, it makes her look terrible. | ||
| I mean, terrible. | ||
| I feel like someone from this organization may have reached out. | ||
| No, I think your name does come up. | ||
| My name comes up? | ||
| In the documentary, someone says, like, oh, you should do Joe Rogan. | ||
| And she's like, yeah, I'd love to. | ||
| I'm sure. | ||
| But it's tricky with the cult thing because I think I'm... | ||
| What is she doing? | ||
| She's basically doing something that is not... | ||
| So EMDR is something that I think you have a lot of friends that have done. | ||
| I've done it. | ||
| I think Neil Brennan talked about it when he came on. | ||
| It's a trauma therapy that was developed, I think, for Vietnam War veterans. | ||
| It's about when you're traumatized. | ||
| You know what it is. | ||
| Look it up. | ||
| But she's kind of trying to do the version that's not professional, which is that whatever your biggest trauma was, you were molested, you were raped, you were whatever. | ||
| Let's go back there. | ||
| And work through it. | ||
| This is the only way to heal it. | ||
| And then there's other people at the retreat who are not doctors, who are not trained anyone, just other people at the retreat. | ||
| We're all going to act out the characters in your life. | ||
| Oh, Jesus. | ||
| So, Joe, your dad, you know, you were in a fight one time and it traumatized you when you were six. | ||
| Great. | ||
| You're going to be young Joe. | ||
| I'm going to be your dad. | ||
| Lindsay, this random girl from Tampa, who's fucking nuts, is going to be your mom. | ||
| And Taylor over here, this fucking trust fund asshole from LA, is going to be your sister or whatever. | ||
| And now, ready, go. | ||
| And we're going to reenact the scene. | ||
| And I'm like, Joe, don't... | ||
| And it's like bad acting. | ||
| It's kind of hilarious to watch if you're not... | ||
| This is in the documentary? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| It's kind of bad acting? | ||
| And then they stop the scene. | ||
| Joe, now you're sobbing. | ||
| Because of whatever power of suggestion or whatever you already predisposed to sort of be weak and, you know, or you want to, whatever the reason. | ||
| Unstable, maybe. | ||
| And then the person that acted, I acted as your dad, and this person acted as your mom, they go like, I felt like there was vibes of like, I wanted to, like, I think I've molested you before. | ||
| Did you... | ||
| Oh, like in another life? | ||
| No, like, I was the dad. | ||
| So I thought his thoughts. | ||
| And your dad abused you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Swear to God. | ||
| And there's like, that is so fucking irresponsible. | ||
| Like, just random people are just improvising in like a shitty acting class, diagnosing your family. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| And then the person is like, yeah, I think maybe he did. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| And then they're like... | ||
| So then they're mad at that person? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes! | |
| Like that person is your dad? | ||
| People that aren't even professionals are telling, like, I think this person... | ||
| There was some sexual abuse in your family. | ||
| Based on fucking what? | ||
| It's just wildly irresponsible because of how vulnerable the people are that subscribe to her. | ||
| Why do you think people are so vulnerable to cults? | ||
| What is it about someone saying, I'm the leader, come with me, I have the solutions? | ||
| Why are people so vulnerable to that? | ||
| Well, a couple. | ||
| I think that church, having grown up with a lot of, like, religion around me, my mom's side of the family is from a place called Sherman, Texas. | ||
| They all worked in the church there. | ||
| And I think that church, in general, provides a lot for people that I think we tend to be a little bit classist about. | ||
| Like, You know, for me growing up, it provided childcare and community and food. | ||
| And, you know, it's a place to go on Sundays and, you know, have kids out of the house. | ||
| Like, it served a lot of purposes that now looking back, I'm like, why was I in churches so much as a kid? | ||
| I'm like, my parents weren't that religious. | ||
| They just needed a place to leave me for a couple hours, you know, which the irony is you go like Catholic churches are safe, right? | ||
| For girls, they are, I guess. | ||
| They kind of are for girls, which is weird, right? | ||
| Yeah, and I think on some level you go, like, I think smart parents go, discipline is good. | ||
| You know, which I think, you know, so it's like Catholic, this is good. | ||
| You know, there's a uniform. | ||
| You don't have to get kids all these clothes. | ||
| There's all this confusion about what to, you know, it just makes things kind of easier for parents on some level. | ||
| I think that in general, humans are vulnerable in both ways. | ||
| Like, I think about this a lot, that humans are, and you're going to, Probably have a lot to add to this, which is that we're kind of only superficially at the top of the food chain. | ||
| We can get killed by a bee. | ||
| Some people die from a bee. | ||
| We are so vulnerable all the time. | ||
| I mean, any animal, if we lost our opposable thumbs and they were let out of a cage, we'd be dead. | ||
| I mean, a lot of animals can kill us. | ||
| I mean, a tick can kill you, you know, if it's carrying the right diseases, you know? | ||
| And I think we know that. | ||
| I think subconsciously, like, we're aware that we're on borrowed time and that we're so much more fragile than we think. | ||
| And I think that that connects to our brain as well. | ||
| And I think the idea of having any kind of protection, even if it's false, whether it's a cult and we're all a family, and I think is something that's really attractive to people because it makes them feel like they have strength in numbers or are a part of a tribe and have some kind of protection. | ||
| Hmm. | ||
| Even though they're in the belly of the beast of danger. | ||
| The irony is that they're... | ||
| I think very few people are actually in danger of other animals. | ||
| I think when in terms of us being on the top of the food chain, we most certainly are by a long shot. | ||
| But if there were no weapons... | ||
| But the thing is, there's a balance. | ||
| And the balance is that we're physically very, very vulnerable and weak in comparison to most animals. | ||
| Like if most animals want to attack another animal, it takes a lot of work for a lion to bring down a water buffalo. | ||
| It's a lot of work. | ||
| You know, lying to bring down us is like that. | ||
| It's like instantaneous. | ||
| We're made out of Jell-O. We just fall apart. | ||
| We're Jell-O and twigs. | ||
| Trash bags full of blood. | ||
| But I think that the uncertainty of life is what it's about. | ||
| That's what, when a cult comes along, that's the same thing that a religion offers you. | ||
| Like, certainty. | ||
| Like, we have the answers. | ||
| Here are all the answers. | ||
| I'm going to alleviate you of all your anxiety. | ||
| Because one of the things, there's someone, I forget who I was reading this, they were saying that one of the things about human beings, we have anxiety because anxiety is future problem solving. | ||
| So we think about things and problems that we're going to have in the future. | ||
| Well, someone comes along and says, I've got all the answers. | ||
| They can alleviate you of that anxiety. | ||
| And all you have to do is have this willingness to believe. | ||
| Just be in bliss. | ||
| Let me take that off your plate. | ||
| Let me make it so you don't have to perseverate constantly. | ||
| I'm very pro-anxiety. | ||
| I'm sorry. | ||
| I know so many people, especially younger people, are like, I have anxiety. | ||
| I'm like, you should. | ||
| You should. | ||
| That's a healthy reaction. | ||
| Have you seen the news? | ||
| I know. | ||
| There was just an article that said how to protect yourself from nuclear war. | ||
| Did you see that New York thing where they made a video about if a nuclear war hits New York? | ||
| How to protect yourself? | ||
| Like, how much money are the news organizations hemorrhaging that they had to just post that? | ||
| They are in trouble. | ||
| They're in real trouble. | ||
| Like the Wall Street Journal just wrote a bullshit hit piece about Elon where, you know, they said that he was having sex with the Google chief's wife. | ||
| Oh, right, right, right. | ||
| And he was like, first of all, it's not true. | ||
| I've only seen her like three times over the last few years and every time has been with a lot of people around. | ||
| Second of all, this guy that's supposed to be my no longer friend, he goes, I was just hanging out with him last night. | ||
| So you guys are making shit up. | ||
| Oh, he posted a photo. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah. | |
| Like you guys are making things up. | ||
| And also, the Wall Street Journal didn't contact any of the people involved. | ||
| Of course not. | ||
| Which is fucking wild. | ||
| Just that alone, this is the Wall Street Journal. | ||
| That is crazy. | ||
| This is not like, you know, from some fucking tabloid website. | ||
| Because we've always, I do like to play the exercise of everything that's happening today always existed. | ||
| It just looked different. | ||
| You know, like we did used to have like the Enquirer, remember? | ||
| Sure. | ||
| And all those trash magazines and But they were like, my son's a werewolf, what do I do? | ||
| Yes, the alien, remember the kid with the teeth that was born an alien? | ||
| I love that shit. | ||
| Those were fun. | ||
| But like, you know, whenever people are like, the negative comments I'm getting, people are so disgusting now, I'm like, I, like, humans have always participated and gotten entertainment out of, like, schadenfreude. | ||
| Like, the Roman Coliseum, people used to go to public hangings, like, for entertainment. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| So that Twitter is just kind of an extension. | ||
| Like, I like to play with that idea. | ||
| Well, what Twitter is, is people saying things where you could read it, where they've always said. | ||
| Whenever someone has been successful or something's gone on in the news, people have always had hot takes on it. | ||
| At the barber shop, at the fucking beauty salon, at the gym. | ||
| People have always talked about it, but now they're talking about it in typed form, and they're putting it out on Twitter, and it goes out in the world. | ||
| It's fascinating to think about that and just like all the fears like fear of robots like there was also remember I was reading something about the fear of trains like when trains first started people were thought that they would get electrocuted they'd be infertile if they rode on a train they had the same irrational technophobia fears with them I mean it's obviously a small group of people you know elevators you know like when new technology comes it does feel weird. | ||
| Right. | ||
| There's a lot of people that are scared of AirPods, right? | ||
| They're worried about the EMF signals and maybe they're right. | ||
| Or maybe it's just going to be like what trains back then, they thought that if you go more than 35 miles an hour, you fucking compress and explode. | ||
| Remember in, I guess this was, I don't know, late 90s, I mean, The Simpsons. | ||
| Remember how big that was? | ||
| Like, gotta get Simpsons off the air. | ||
| Tipper Gore was coming after Eminem. | ||
| They were trying to get Beavis and Butthead off the air. | ||
| They were trying to get the Simpsons off the air? | ||
| Oh, Bart Simpson was like a very controversial figure, I think, back in the day. | ||
| Tell me if I'm wrong. | ||
| God, I don't remember that at all. | ||
| I mean, I believe you, but I don't remember it. | ||
| There was like, remember, and Tipper Gore didn't want certain... | ||
| So tame now. | ||
| Isn't it wild to think about? | ||
| Like, we've always, as the species, worried about the influence of something incendiary or edgy or contaminating our kids or something. | ||
| Like, there's always been... | ||
| I remember Tipper Gore going after rap music. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Isn't she who caused parental advisory? | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They put that on because of her. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But Eminem was, I mean... | ||
| Can you imagine before rap was around, like gangster rap, and then all of a sudden it comes around, like NWA and Ice-T and all that shit, and you're like, what? | ||
| You're talking about shooting people? | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| You got a song called Fuck the Police? | ||
|
unidentified
|
But then we could do a song that's like, hit me with your best shot. | |
| Or, on the good ship, lollipop. | ||
| That's more offensive. | ||
| I love Bruce Springsteen, but I did do a joke about this in my special. | ||
| Like, hey little girl, is your dad home? | ||
| Did he go and leave you all alone? | ||
| I got a bad desire. | ||
| Oh, I'm on fire. | ||
| What the fuck, man? | ||
| Like, buddy. | ||
| When did you sing that? | ||
| Do you remember that Rod Stewart song? | ||
| It was like, you'll be a woman. | ||
| Is it that one? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It was like, spread your legs wide, open. | |
| Well, they all had songs about like 16-year-olds. | ||
| Insane. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But the videos were wild, too. | ||
| Kiss had a song, Christine 16. Remember, were you Dave Matthews' person or no? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| I knew that was gonna go that way. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But there is that song, um, hike up your skirt a little more. | |
| You went to a couple crashing to me and I come into ya. | ||
| Yeah, that would just, when you, every now and then you're like singing along to a song and you're like, damn, that's wild. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Everybody was kung fu. | |
| The song Semi-Charm Life by Third Eye Blind, it's like about drug abuse. | ||
| Is it? | ||
| It's such an upbeat, poppy song. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But if you read the words, he's talking about doing drugs. | |
| They should have done more drugs to make that song cooler. | ||
| I mean, there's so many stories of that, right? | ||
| Where people were escaping reality together. | ||
| I mean, that was Barfly. | ||
| Remember that movie? | ||
| It's actually about crystal meth. | ||
| Oh, Jesus Christ. | ||
| Wow, wow, wow. | ||
| Yeah, that makes sense. | ||
| Did those folks, did anybody from that band die? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Was that their only... | ||
| That was their biggest. | ||
| Not only. | ||
| They had the one about Suicide Jumper, Jump Off That Ledge. | ||
| This was a... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, Get Back From That Ledge, my friend. | |
| Dude, I mean, remember... | ||
| I remember the first song that, like... | ||
| Haunted me or felt like, you know, was Pearl Jam Jeremy. | ||
| Jeremy spoke. | ||
| And I was like, yo, this is about a kid blowing his brains out. | ||
| Like that was like, that was really intense. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What was that song, Better Man? | ||
| Can't find a better man. | ||
| God, I love him so much. | ||
| I asked your first crush. | ||
| He was definitely my first crush. | ||
| He tried to take on Ticketmaster. | ||
| Remember that? | ||
| Recently. | ||
| Yeah, they tried to take on Ticketmaster and it crushed their business. | ||
| Because they were like, why is Ticketmaster getting all this money? | ||
| Why are we paying all this money to them? | ||
| We're gonna fucking stop that. | ||
| I thought the ticket buyer pays it. | ||
| Well, I guess it comes out of his. | ||
| Well, I think they were trying to stop that from happening. | ||
| They wanted a relationship where the fan pays 20 bucks and they get the 20 bucks, not the fan pays 40 bucks and Ticketmaster gets 20 bucks and they get 20 bucks. | ||
| I heard Schultz just buy back their albums. | ||
| What do you think of what he did? | ||
| I love it. | ||
| It's interesting, right? | ||
| I love it. | ||
| Bought his stuff back and released it for free. | ||
| Or released it, rather, for a fee. | ||
| Yeah, and I think that we're kind of at a place where comedians don't love change. | ||
| We like doing things the way we did it. | ||
| And now I find I've been so resistant to new things. | ||
| And I'm now just like, I don't want to get on Instagram. | ||
| That's dumb. | ||
| And then you are like, this isn't going away. | ||
| You just have to ride the horse in the direction it's going. | ||
| And like every platform might be really hot. | ||
| The next year it's not. | ||
| Or it's gone. | ||
| Remember there was like CISO and TBS and Comedy Central. | ||
| How long was CISO around for? | ||
| A year? | ||
| Max. | ||
| What was Quibi? | ||
| Was that the one they put billions into? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yep. | |
| But that, honestly, Jeffrey Katzenberg's a gangster. | ||
| I mean, he started DreamWorks. | ||
| He based it on the South Korean model, which was already doing that, and kind of was like, oh, they're so ahead of us on so many things. | ||
| They're consuming three minutes at a time, but I think that now it's like, oh, we just want three minutes of Rogan talking to his friend. | ||
| They didn't have the content. | ||
| I thought that was so flawed from the beginning because they were trying to hire people to make content. | ||
| I'm like, you don't know if the content's good. | ||
| The only way people are tuning in is if it's good content. | ||
| You don't know if you have good content yet, but you're spending all this money and you don't have like Certified content. | ||
| It's a terrible idea. | ||
| I don't know what this says about me. | ||
| I will not watch the best show on television because I don't want to enter in numbers. | ||
| As soon as you sign up for a pass, I'm just like, peace. | ||
| Not worth it. | ||
| I'll wait until I can just look. | ||
| It's on another platform. | ||
| If I have to go to a new network just to... | ||
| A new platform. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| I have to really want it because that put in your email and a password, I'm like, never mind. | ||
| Yeah, I've got like Amazon Prime, I've got Netflix, I've got HBO Max, I've got Hulu. | ||
| Showtime? | ||
| I think I have that. | ||
| Well, I got it for the Oliver Stone documentary. | ||
| Oh, I have it. | ||
| I have it because I got it for the JFK thing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah. | |
| Because he was coming on to talk about that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But that's it. | ||
| I'm out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's it. | |
| If you come up with a new one, I'm like... | ||
| At capacity. | ||
| I'm at capacity on passwords. | ||
| I'm at capacity on platforms at the moment. | ||
| You know? | ||
| But it seems like... | ||
| And also, it's just something new every day. | ||
| So in terms of Schultz, I think it's like... | ||
| When he did the thing at Netflix for that Christmas thing he did, the year in review, that was perfect. | ||
| And then the algorithm started maybe not doing what he wanted. | ||
| And then do that. | ||
| And then he might go back. | ||
| You know, I think we just have to stay flexible. | ||
| But if you own your own shit... | ||
| That's the key. | ||
| So this special I just did, I financed it so that if things change in two years, I'll own it. | ||
| So you just did a licensing deal with Netflix? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| Interesting. | ||
| So if Joe Rogan, ComedyMothership.com ends up being the next comedy network, I'll be able to, great, I can give it to Joe. | ||
| I can put it on YouTube. | ||
| I can put it, whatever the big thing is in two years, which... | ||
| JakePaul.com. | ||
| I don't fucking know. | ||
| Wherever we're going to have our content in two years, I don't think we even know. | ||
| No, I don't think we know either. | ||
| The censorship thing is the most disturbing, right? | ||
| Because you just don't want your thing to be watered down just because someone thinks they're going to make a couple extra bucks, if it is. | ||
| It's the opposite. | ||
| You're going to make way more if it's not. | ||
| That's the irony. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, they're learning that now, but it's a slow process of education. | ||
| They're learning that now through podcasts. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The difference between censored podcasts and uncensored podcasts in terms of reach, it's pretty crazy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But I think that Netflix, I think that to go like, oh, comedy's not doing as well, I don't think it's because you're not censoring things. | ||
| Do you know what I mean? | ||
| No. | ||
| They're making terrible choices. | ||
| Well, they did censor. | ||
| Well, they made a terrible choice. | ||
| When Comedy Central started sliding was when they went after Ari and they killed This Is Not Happening, which is one of the best shows they had on the network. | ||
| So good. | ||
| Because Ari wanted to do a Netflix special. | ||
| And they said, no, you have to do a Comedy Central special. | ||
| He's like, but that's not contractually true. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, I don't have a contract with you guys to do that. | ||
| I'm allowed to do a Netflix special. | ||
| And they said, if you do, we're going to cancel your show. | ||
| Which is weird to me because I had a show at Amazon a couple years ago with Lisa Kudrow and Martin Short and Lee Daniels and all the actors. | ||
| It was at Amazon and they were like, if you work at Amazon you can't do shows at Netflix or if you're at Netflix you can't do shows at Amazon. | ||
| That's like the old studio system from the 20s when it was like Warner Brothers would buy Joe Rogan. | ||
| You'd have to make it worth it then. | ||
| But not only that, Netflix was paying Ari more. | ||
| Comedy Central wanted to pay him less to do something on Comedy Central because he had a show on Comedy Central and they wanted him to stay on it. | ||
| What else was nettling was I think the comedians for the longest time had this we should be so lucky thing. | ||
| Right. | ||
| We'll take no money. | ||
| Well, whatever it is, just get any exposure, any ticket sales, because there were so few ways to get on TV that we took such garbage deals and didn't understand our own worth. | ||
| So I remember just seeing, I think everyone had this experience where all of a sudden my Comedy Central specials were on Paramount Plus. | ||
| And everyone's like, oh, and I'm like, cool. | ||
| Like, I didn't even think to say, like, did I get paid for that? | ||
| Right. | ||
| Sell it to Paramount Plus? | ||
| Yeah, what happened? | ||
| And then a special that I had on Comedy Central that I didn't own was sold to Netflix. | ||
| Because as a comedian, you're like, oh, well, that'll help my ticket sales. | ||
| Like, how dare you complain? | ||
| But then you're like, what the fuck, man? | ||
| This is a bad thing to enable. | ||
| Like, I should... | ||
| Not be cool about this because we will work for free and have no concept of what our value is because people have told us, like, you're a piece of shit for so long. | ||
| But now I think comedians are starting to realize we have more power than we thought because we were so gaslit to believe, like, you know, we needed all these networks in order to make it. | ||
| And we did for a long time. | ||
| You know, God, dude, like, it used to be like, how do I get on? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I remember like doing the George Lopez show when he had a talk show once. | ||
| And I remember I was like borrowing money to get there. | ||
| I'm like, if I just kill on this set, maybe I can headline penguins. | ||
| You know, it's like we need it. | ||
| You know, we had no power. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, and you'd see people that were so fucking funny that couldn't feed their families. | ||
| How freeing is it for you now to have a podcast, though? | ||
| It's pretty amazing. | ||
| I don't think that, like, YouTube, I'm a little bit, you know, I know that it's predominantly, like, male. | ||
| I know, I was talking to Schultz about this, and he's like, no, women go on there and they watch makeup tutorials and shit. | ||
| Like, I think there's, you know, I still get a little bit insecure about that. | ||
| About the demographics? | ||
| Or about just going like, oh, can I not get as many people on YouTube or whatever? | ||
| But yeah, but that might just be my own, like, insecurity. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I don't think you should think about it at all. | ||
| Just do what you're doing. | ||
| I don't think anybody should ever think about, like, how do I get more people? | ||
| Just do your best thing. | ||
| Do your best thing and then try to make it better. | ||
| Don't ever think, like, how am I getting more people? | ||
| Because then you're going to compromise yourself. | ||
| You're going to change who you are in order to be more outrageous or more this or more that. | ||
| And that shit becomes transparent to people. | ||
| If they don't think you're really you, that drives them nuts. | ||
| Well, I think what it is is I try to not, with the podcast, be, like, business-oriented. | ||
| It's more like when you're like, oh, you need to tag certain things so you get in the algorithm. | ||
| And, you know, like, I'll get advice like that, and I'm like, I'd rather just not get as many numbers and just have a good time and be authentic. | ||
| I don't want to overthink YouTube by putting certain words in the caption that's going to make it pop up on the side. | ||
| Like, I don't want to get into all that. | ||
| Yeah, fuck that. | ||
| Yeah, that's just not something I'm particularly good at or interested in. | ||
| I like to just put it out and never think about it again. | ||
| Then do that with the demographics, too, and all that other stuff. | ||
| People say that. | ||
| They're like, you have to get more of this and this. | ||
| Don't listen to those people. | ||
| Cut them off. | ||
| That's... | ||
| Toxic. | ||
| You're taking the thing that is the most joyful, but I think it's made me a better comedian. | ||
| It's, you know, made me more thoughtful. | ||
| I think before I did a podcast, I was so like, you know, you work on something for a year before you let anyone see it. | ||
| Everything has to be perfect all the time. | ||
| And now you're just loose. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You just have conversations and you laugh and talk shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's a skill, though. | ||
| I mean, I definitely think the first couple times on this show, I was so trained. | ||
| It's like, you go on a talk show, you have seven minutes. | ||
| You've got to get it all. | ||
| You're like a manic, like, psycho. | ||
| Like, laugh whore. | ||
| And it's just so uncomfortable. | ||
| So it took me a second to just settle in and be, like, not rushing desperately to try to get a laugh. | ||
| That's a weird thing when I have people come on and you can feel their nervousness. | ||
| And I'm like, how do I alleviate that? | ||
| How do I get them to calm down? | ||
| You know? | ||
| It's tricky. | ||
| I think that, you know, as I do so many other people's podcasts, I think, you know, doing other people's podcasts is a skill that you have to learn. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| You know, doing Burt's. | ||
| I just did Schultz. | ||
| I just did Are You Garbage? | ||
| I just did Legion of Skanks. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Live in New York. | ||
| Everyone is so different. | ||
| It's someone else's home. | ||
| You don't have the home court advantage. | ||
| You're a guest on someone else's show. | ||
| They're usually not there. | ||
| They're usually there, I think, in situations like that to hear their friends, the hosts, in combination with you. | ||
| Isn't it interesting, though, that that has completely taken over promotion? | ||
| It used to be you had to get on The Tonight Show or you had to get on The Kimmel Show. | ||
| That's gone. | ||
| They don't want you to do that at all. | ||
| If you do something, they want you to go on all the podcasts. | ||
| And they're like, we don't know how to get you on there. | ||
| Can you DM that? | ||
| They can't even help you. | ||
| Can't help you. | ||
| Can you get me on Hot Ones? | ||
| That is a 100% changing of the guard. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So this last time, you know, this past week, I did, like, Kelly and Ryan or something. | ||
| And you're like, okay, that's going to be on in, like, veterinarians' offices in the lobby. | ||
| It's going to be on, you know what I mean, at the TSA, like, you know, like, in the break room. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Someone connected to a tube stuck in a bed. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ooh! | |
| Ooh! | ||
| On their deathbed they have to see me be like, I have Lyme disease! | ||
| Is Ryan hitting on Kelly? | ||
| Is that Whitney or Ryan? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Who is that? | |
| Why is everyone so weird? | ||
| Can I get more morphine? | ||
| Just fucking pull the plug! | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Just drown me in morphine. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I can't watch three people forcing jokes on a set. | |
| But yeah, that's really it. | ||
| Where was that show filmed? | ||
| New York. | ||
| So you flew into New York just for that? | ||
| No, I did Schultz. | ||
| I did Are You Garbage? | ||
| What a contrast. | ||
| It was wild to go back and forth. | ||
|
unidentified
|
From Kelly and Ryan to Legion of Skanks. | |
| Oh, that's hilarious. | ||
| Total mindfuck. | ||
| I did our We Might Be Drunk. | ||
| I did Burt's podcast when I was there. | ||
| So yeah, that's really the way to do it at this point. | ||
| Yeah, that's the only way. | ||
| It's pretty wild. | ||
| And you're not even doing stand-up, which is even crazier. | ||
| Because it was also like, I'm going to go do stand-up on Conan. | ||
| I'm going to do stand-up on... | ||
| Which, by the way, I accidentally dressed exactly like Jay Leno in this special. | ||
| How so? | ||
| Did you wear a jean shirt? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| Did you? | ||
| I wore a jean jacket and jeans, and I totally... | ||
| You didn't realize it while you were doing it? | ||
| I didn't even think about it. | ||
| Why did you dress that way? | ||
| I was trying to just go, okay, classic, never going to go out of style, because people now... | ||
| My first special from 15 years ago, it's cut up on Instagram, and I look like fucking Peggy Bundy. | ||
| I look insane. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| I look insane. | ||
| I look like such a crack whore. | ||
| I'm like, okay, I need to dress in a way where if someone watches this in 10 years, 20 years, it'll still hold up. | ||
| So I was like, I'll just do like a jean jacket and jeans. | ||
| And everyone's like, you know, making fun of me that I look like Jay Leno. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Ah, you look great. | ||
| Yeah, it's like, I mean... | ||
| But you look relaxed. | ||
| Yeah, thank you. | ||
| It looks like you doing a regular set somewhere, as opposed to that one where your hair was down, you were really well made up and everything. | ||
| The HBO special. | ||
| Yeah, you went a little hard in the paint on that one. | ||
| It was like, I'm doing the HBO special. | ||
| I'm going to get a stylist. | ||
| I'm going to like, you know, this is every comic's dream. | ||
| And I had a lot of voices around me being like, why don't you be more feminine? | ||
| Like, be more of a, you know, just do something because I'm kind of a, you know, bull dyke. | ||
| And that's how I dress. | ||
| But also, I was really, you know, I stand by the material in that special, but I was wearing like heels. | ||
| I'd never worn heels on stage before. | ||
| Oh, that'd be odd. | ||
| It was so odd. | ||
| And I'm, you know, I felt like I couldn't be as physical as I normally am. | ||
| You'd slip around, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| Yeah, I was like worried about falling. | ||
| I was like a fucking Bambi on ice, like a fucking idiot. | ||
| And I really, yeah, I regret not just going, you know what, this is what I wear every night. | ||
| I'm just going to wear the nicer version of what I wear every night. | ||
| You know, I think of this, you know, I do like dressing up a little more because I find this whole thing where comedians just wear their pajamas at the win. | ||
| Like, can you, would it kill you to put on a fucking, like, When Tony Hinchcliffe, Hans Kim, and Brian Simpson and I did the MGM last month, or this month rather, I guess it was this month. | ||
| I forgot what month it is. | ||
| We all got tailored David August suits. | ||
| I saw that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I thought you guys were all making fun of Lex. | ||
| No, we decided to get tailored suits, like, and all wear the same suit. | ||
| Did you feel weird performing? | ||
| It feels kind of cool, right? | ||
| You know what's great about it? | ||
| It was like, and Tony brought this up, he said it was like we had an outfit to change into. | ||
| Like, we showed up dressed like this, like normal clothes, and then we got there and then we put on our work clothes, like we're ready to go to work. | ||
| Well, it's like... | ||
| Yeah, that's us. | ||
| That's dope! | ||
| I like it! | ||
| Why not? | ||
| Look at Brian! | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's the glasses! | |
| That makes me so... | ||
| He looks... | ||
| Look at his feet. | ||
| He doesn't even know how to stand. | ||
| Oh, there we go. | ||
| See, I think there's something cool about being like, yeah, we're putting on our, like, war gear. | ||
| It felt good. | ||
| You know? | ||
| It felt good. | ||
| I also think people, you know, people spend a lot of money. | ||
| Like, they, you know, it's been a rough time. | ||
| If someone's gonna come spend a hundred bucks and get drinks, like... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I remember being in Vegas and looking out, and I was in, like, a t-shirt and jeans, and... | ||
| Because you don't want anyone to think you think you're better than them, or I don't want to dress up too much. | ||
| I don't want you to think I'm, you know... | ||
| And I looked down and I saw these women in like sequin gowns. | ||
| And I was like, oh, this is your big night out. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And I look like I'm on my way to fucking rehab. | ||
| Right. | ||
| This is ridiculous. | ||
| Imagine if you are, this is your big night out and someone goes on stage with a notepad and goes, what else? | ||
| What else? | ||
| What else is happening? | ||
| People do that in big shows. | ||
| There's people that do that in big shows. | ||
| They'll go on stage and not know what the fuck they're talking about. | ||
| Do you think, because I have so much judgment about that, do you think, though, that their fans are like, oh, this is cool, I get to kind of see them? | ||
| No. | ||
| No, I think the fans want to see a show. | ||
| But it's different between them going up at a small club and working out material. | ||
| In that case, I think, yes. | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| Like, I saw Christina at the Creek in the Cave, and she went up with a notebook, and she had just released her special. | ||
| Oh, that's right. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I was with you! | |
| I was like, I was with this fucking retard. | ||
| You're like, I was sitting next to this dumb whore who was cackling the whole fucking time. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That was hilarious. | |
| That's hilarious. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| But we saw her and it was great. | ||
| That was magical. | ||
| It was really fun. | ||
| But it was also fun because the audience was in and the Creek in the Cave is great because it's a very small room. | ||
| So the audience was in on the fact that she was creating this whole new set from scratch and she let him know. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| But true pros know how to go. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think that true pros pretend they're more unprepared than they actually are in a way. | ||
| I'll go out there and I'll have them written down, but don't get it twisted. | ||
| I look at the bullet points, but I know I'm not going to ever allow a sloppy show to happen. | ||
| Right, right, right. | ||
| But some people do, and that drives people nuts. | ||
| People have jobs and they're tired. | ||
| It drives them nuts. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| I see it from their point. | ||
| One time I was at the Ice House in Pasadena and there was like a book show. | ||
| It was just a bunch of random comics. | ||
| And I went in to watch the comic that was going before me. | ||
| And the comic said to the audience, like, so, where are you from, sir? | ||
| And he was like, oh, Pensacola, whatever. | ||
| A guy behind him stood up and went... | ||
| He's from Lake Tahoe. | ||
| He's from Los Angeles. | ||
| He's from Cleveland. | ||
| Can you please just do some jokes? | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| And you know, do you have those moments in your career that change you forever? | ||
| And you're like, boom. | ||
| If you're going to do crowd work, it better be fucking... | ||
| Right. | ||
| Andrew Schultz style. | ||
| Dynamite. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You better be good at it. | ||
| Or you better do 20 minutes. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Then go into it. | ||
| But that's also the thing where you do in one of those shows where there's 15 other people on the show. | ||
| Like if they're killing it and they're doing stand-up and they've got bits and tight bits and then, you know, you're up there. | ||
| So where are you from, sir? | ||
| And they're like, oh, Jesus Christ. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What are you doing? | ||
| I really enjoyed us going to the creek in the cave that night to see Christina. | ||
| I hadn't gone to watch a comedy. | ||
| I was stunned at how loud it was. | ||
| We're all way funnier than we even know because we're also competing with so much noise. | ||
| I couldn't believe it. | ||
| People are opening their fucking butterscotches. | ||
| People are just so... | ||
| Distracted. | ||
| There's so much going on that you're like, oh, she's still killing even though people are having to do ten other things, you know, which is what I do love about the comedy store. | ||
| It's so dark in that OR that you really can't do much else. | ||
| You can only watch the show. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, when we went to see you, that was like the first time I'd seen stand-up in a theater in a long time where just going to see somebody. | ||
| Seeing Christina was like one of the first times I saw anybody in a club. | ||
| But I like going to see comedy. | ||
| I haven't in a long time. | ||
| I hadn't done it in a long time. | ||
| But just being an audience member, it gives you a better appreciation for what the audience is sitting through. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Makes you tighten your shit up. | ||
| Completely. | ||
| And also pace it up in a lot of ways. | ||
| And, you know, I just remember sitting there and being like, there's so much going on. | ||
| Remember? | ||
| We were like hearing. | ||
| And that might just be a comedian thing because we're so sensitive to sound. | ||
| But she didn't even hear it. | ||
| All the things that were driving me nuts, she didn't even hear. | ||
| Right. | ||
| She's way up there. | ||
| And also she's got monitors in front of her. | ||
| So the loudspeakers right there. | ||
| It's weird, like, when we're on stage, I would love, like, maybe Huberman will do it, like, a study of what happens to our brain when you're performing, because I find that I get a more acute hearing when I'm on stage, but also get more deaf. | ||
| I wonder what, if, like, you could put, like, sensors on the brain and hook it up to, like, an fMRI machine and have people, like, have your brain functions monitored. | ||
| Because you are, you know, where did I read that the reason people are so afraid of public speaking is that like on a reptile brain, it used to be in tribal times, if you were talking to a crowd, it meant you were like defending yourself. | ||
| Yeah, you told me that. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| That's really interesting that that's why people are afraid to talk in front of large groups because usually you're about to get judged. | ||
| Yeah, you'd have to basically save your ass or defend yourself before everyone stoned you. | ||
| So I would imagine your amygdala is going nuts, but also sometimes you only see light and that's it. | ||
| What does your brain think you're looking at? | ||
| On stage? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, it's really bad when you only see light and don't see the crowd. | ||
| I don't like that. | ||
| I like seeing a little of the crowd. | ||
| It's like those places where you're flooded, that's disconcerting. | ||
| I know, and you're kind of like, I could be anywhere. | ||
| I could be in space. | ||
| What am I concentrating on? | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Yeah, where are the people? | ||
| I need to lock into one person, usually. | ||
| But yeah, it'd be interesting to know what goes on, just in terms of comedians. | ||
| I get nervous in places, but when I'm on stage, I never feel nervous. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Ever. | ||
| Do you feel nervous before you go on stage? | ||
| Sometimes I'll feel excited. | ||
| I think one of the biggest challenges we all have is the difference between nervous and excited. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Because they're very close. | ||
| Nervous is fear. | ||
| That's what people think is fear. | ||
| Yeah, not fear, but definitely amped up. | ||
| I want to get it right. | ||
| I think if anything, it's like, I just don't forget this and don't forget that and don't zone out and stay here. | ||
| It's just a matter of just... | ||
| Good nervousness. | ||
| Stay in the pocket. | ||
| Yeah, I think nervousness is good. | ||
| I think it is too. | ||
| This whole fear of anxiety. | ||
| I meet people who are like, I have anxiety. | ||
| I'm like, you should have more anxiety. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Get more anxious to make yourself more interesting. | ||
| Why aren't you like, I'm anxious about boring this person. | ||
| I'm going to go read a book. | ||
| You're anxious about the wrong things if you think that this is an interesting conversation. | ||
| So I think anxiety is good. | ||
| I see it as fuel. | ||
| I get excited about it because it's like, oh, I can alchemize this into energy. | ||
| Let me give this to them. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I also get excited about what's going to work, especially with now. | ||
| This whole thing where everyone's like, you can't say anything. | ||
| I'm excited that there's danger in comedy again. | ||
| There's eggshells again. | ||
| Yeah, I am too. | ||
| You know, there's tension, whereas I feel like three years ago, you couldn't shock anyone. | ||
| It was a lot harder. | ||
| There was sex tape, pee tape in the news. | ||
| Isn't it crazy that three years, things changed so much? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wild. | |
| Things were changing and then the pandemic hit and it just accelerated everything. | ||
| You just poured gasoline on all of it. | ||
| Yeah, like exponentially. | ||
| I was thinking about this yesterday. | ||
| Is there anything in the thought of, like, we're saving all this time now, right? | ||
| Like, what are we doing with all this time we saved? | ||
| So it used to be like you would go to the grocery store, that would take an hour. | ||
| You would go to the pharmacy, it would take an hour. | ||
| You would go to Walgreens, it would take an hour. | ||
| But we don't have to run those errands anymore. | ||
| What do we do with all that time that we've saved, right? | ||
| What time are you saving? | ||
| Now we just do Amazon Instacart or just order everything on Amazon. | ||
| But you still go to a grocery store, right? | ||
| I still go to a grocery store, but my prescription gets mailed to me. | ||
| It used to be like, I need highlighters. | ||
| It's going to take an hour by the time I go to Walgreens to get home. | ||
| If you want to find out where that time's going, look at your fucking screen time. | ||
| I think that's what started happening. | ||
| We now have more time on our hands and we have more time to just be like, you know what? | ||
| Fuck Chris Hemsworth. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Yeah, you're just staring at your phone. | ||
| We used to just be busier. | ||
| We used to be like, I gotta go do this. | ||
| I don't have time to hate this person that's done something. | ||
| Well, also you didn't have a portal to hate through. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| Yeah, you give people a rock and there's a window. | ||
| They're gonna throw that rock. | ||
| And you didn't always find people somewhere that would corroborate. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| That would go, yeah, fuck Chris Hemsworth. | ||
| It's amazing to me that, like, I'm big on when someone agrees with me about something, I want to know who they are. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Like, am I fucked? | ||
| Are the Nazis on my side? | ||
| That's what it is! | ||
| Because when people, yeah, I got 50 likes, I'm like, it's not the The quantity of, like, the quality. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Who's liking you? | ||
| Who are these people that like you? | ||
| Don't you want to know? | ||
| It's like high-fiving with a bunch of fucking homeless people. | ||
| It's like, yeah, like, don't you want to... | ||
| What else do they like? | ||
| Yeah, don't you want to kind of know? | ||
| So that's a tricky thing, too. | ||
| It's all these, like, faceless, just kind of... | ||
| We project that everyone that likes us are, like, Yale graduates. | ||
| That's what we would like. | ||
| That's the narcissist's dream that everybody who likes you is amazing and everybody who likes everybody else is an asshole and a moron. | ||
| If you watch someone generalize about the kind of people that like someone that they don't like, I guarantee you that person has some serious narcissistic tendencies. | ||
| It's so wild to me because I grew up in a house that was like, yes, definitely had rough spots, but my dad was, like, brilliant. | ||
| And his whole thing with me was I think that he didn't really know how to attune to having a daughter. | ||
| Like, it was, like, a little awkward in a way. | ||
| But I think he was trying to prepare me for the world and make me, like, smart enough to deal with the adversity that he, like, felt like was coming because he didn't feel like he could arm me physically, you know? | ||
| And he always said he was like the sign of an intelligent person is someone who can argue the other side. | ||
| You don't have to believe it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But if you can't argue it, it means your ego is involved and you can't possibly be rational and you can't possibly be intelligent. | ||
| That's such good advice. | ||
| That's brilliant advice. | ||
| I always try to look at other people's perspectives. | ||
| It's hard to do sometimes, especially if that person doesn't like you or they don't like what you like or they're ideologically opposed to what you like. | ||
| Unless someone's molesting kids or whatever. | ||
| You don't have to get into it. | ||
| I, even though sometimes, just like to go, well, hurt people hurt people. | ||
| And if you molest, that means you were molested and there's a cycle to break. | ||
| You can even go that far if you need to. | ||
| But yeah, he always told me, if you can't argue the other side, then you have no idea what the fuck you believe. | ||
| You know, and that was always something that so before I ever disagree with anyone, I'm like, first, let me defend their argument. | ||
| And then I can start to figure out what mine is. | ||
| And I steal manning. | ||
| There's a great podcast called Intelligence Squared. | ||
| I don't know if it's still around, but it's just debates. | ||
| It's just, like, smart-ass people debating, and then the audience, I think, at the end, like, votes who's right. | ||
| But it's, like, it's so hard to find places where you'll see people that are respectfully disagreeing with each other. | ||
| You do it. | ||
| Respectfully. | ||
| Because there's another thing that really bothers me, which is not about just disagreeing with someone. | ||
| That's fine. | ||
| Even if you're wrong. | ||
| Who cares? | ||
| I don't care how much you disagree with someone. | ||
| To just call them trash or garbage, that's just disrespect. | ||
| There's a disrespectful way of talking. | ||
| And my dad also always taught me that the way that you're presenting your argument is so much more important than what your argument is. | ||
| And if you're just going to go, you're trash. | ||
| You're dismissive. | ||
| It's like you're disrespecting yourself by talking that way. | ||
| Yeah, you're letting everybody know that you're a fool. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And if someone is, you know, an officer, I just come from a place where you, even if you disagree with someone and think they're a bad person, you're fucking garbage. | ||
| Like, make an argument. | ||
| Like, what are you saying? | ||
| What's your argument? | ||
| It's just an easy way for people to get out of being intelligent and get out of, like, having to form a rational debate, having to form a rational argument against whatever that person's point is, just ad hominem attack them. | ||
| It's like, yeah, sloppiness really bothers me. | ||
| Sloppy. | ||
| It's sloppy, and it's, yeah. | ||
| And my dad used to always say, like, what? | ||
| Like, I want to go out with my friends. | ||
| Tell me, give me three arguments why you should stay out past midnight. | ||
| And I would have to tell him, and you can't. | ||
| You can't make three arguments. | ||
| You can't. | ||
| So he knew what he was doing, you know. | ||
| That's where all the good dick is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| How else am I going to get that fentanyl in my pussy? | ||
| The coke dealer doesn't get off work until 11.50. | ||
| Yes, exactly. | ||
| His wife doesn't fall asleep until 11.30. | ||
| I've got to get out of here, Whitney. | ||
| It's already 5 o'clock. | ||
| That's wild. | ||
| I love you. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| I love you, too. | ||
| Your show, Jokes, is on Netflix, available right now. | ||
| Tell everybody where everything else is. | ||
| It's just on Netflix, Godspeed and finding it. | ||
| And then, yeah, my podcast on YouTube, Spotify, all the things. | ||
| And that's it. | ||
| Look at my old tweets. | ||
| They're problematic. |
Export Selection