July 14, 2022 - The Joe Rogan Experience
03:10:57
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
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unidentified
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Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out! | |
| The Joe Rogan Experience. | ||
| Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day. | ||
| Tom, you're a fucking author. | ||
| Not only are you an author, but you are a New York Times bestselling author. | ||
| Pretty crazy, man. | ||
| That's pretty crazy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's pretty crazy. | ||
| I know. | ||
| I really didn't think that would happen, to be honest. | ||
| It's wild. | ||
| You got a wild following now, Cal. | ||
| I know. | ||
| It's just, I remember that's the whole thing. | ||
| Once you have everything in, they start talking about the sales, obviously. | ||
| First is the work of writing the book, which is its own thing, and everybody's like, don't do it. | ||
| At least comics are. | ||
| They're like, don't fucking do it. | ||
| Everybody I know that's done it said exactly what you said. | ||
| It's a grind. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, it is. | ||
| What it is, too, is that for somebody that's out of schoolwork for so long, it's the thing that feels like going back to school the most. | ||
| Because you have deadlines. | ||
| You don't have deadlines in stand-up. | ||
| And you send it, and you get notes back, and there's blood all over the pages, right? | ||
| You're like... | ||
| And they're like, this doesn't even make... | ||
| How do you connect these two? | ||
| And you're like, I don't know. | ||
| And they're like, well, that's what you have to do now. | ||
|
unidentified
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You're writing it. | |
| And you're like, fuck, okay. | ||
| So it's just like, it feels like you're back to work. | ||
| You're back to doing work again. | ||
| How's your typing? | ||
| It was rough with the arm, with the hand. | ||
| Oh, that's right. | ||
| So I actually, I started writing this book... | ||
| I got the deal for it when the pandemic was like, just had to, when it was clear everything was shut down, so everything started in March, and then it was like April, May. | ||
| I feel like in that window is when I got the deal to do this. | ||
| And I was like, yeah, I'm not going to do any touring. | ||
| Like, they were like, remember, touring's like done. | ||
| I'll write a book. | ||
| I sent in like, I don't know, I sent in 10,000 words. | ||
| And then a little while later, I sent in 20,000 more. | ||
| And I remember that I gave it to the publisher. | ||
| And she took her time with it, you know, to do her notes. | ||
| I don't know how many pages that is, but let's say it's like 100 pages or something. | ||
| So it took a while. | ||
| So I'm just like waiting to get notes back. | ||
| And then when they come back, it's like right before I get injured. | ||
| So I think I'm then in the hospital, and I have an arm that doesn't work for a while. | ||
| And they go, how's the notes coming? | ||
| I'm like, I'm not doing them. | ||
| I can't write right now. | ||
| And when I finally did get to them, It took a while. | ||
| Some chapters you get notes on say things like, you know, just add something here and there. | ||
| And this works great. | ||
| Make this more clear. | ||
| And you're like, oh, that's not bad at all. | ||
| And you flip the page and the next thing is like just... | ||
| We don't know what the fuck this story is about. | ||
| And it's just like lines all over the place. | ||
| Lose this, add this, add humor. | ||
| Add humor? | ||
| Add humor, yeah. | ||
| That's definitely one where they go, this story is a good story, but you need to add humor to it. | ||
| Why do you have to add humor to a story? | ||
| Because you're a comedian. | ||
| Yeah, but you're also a podcaster, right? | ||
| Isn't that the best thing about podcasting? | ||
| Because you don't have to hit a very specific note. | ||
| You can kind of talk about anything. | ||
| Serious, goofy. | ||
| And you get comfortable. | ||
| It's weird because most comedians, you see it, are so uncomfortable with moments without laughter sometimes. | ||
| Mark Norman. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| Comedy! | ||
| He's not uncomfortable. | ||
| No. | ||
| He just can't help himself with the one-liner. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| He just zings. | ||
| He's got like a file in his head that just comes flying out. | ||
|
unidentified
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It does. | |
| It comes flying out. | ||
| Yeah, I just did his podcast with Sam Murillo. | ||
|
unidentified
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Oh, yeah? | |
| Yeah, very fun. | ||
| We Might Be Drunk. | ||
| It's a great podcast. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But, you know, you see comics who also, on stage, I mean, obviously you want to get laughs on stage, but there's comics who can't even take a beat, a moment. | ||
| They get scared. | ||
| They get real scared, like there's not laughter right now. | ||
| And then you see people who really are super comfortable setting up those moments. | ||
| Gillis is great with that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's locked in. | ||
| It's one of my favorite things to watch in stand-up. | ||
| Because I really enjoy being taken on a ride, you know? | ||
| And a comic who's really masterful at pauses and leading you somewhere to then drop it on you, it's so fun. | ||
| It's a thing. | ||
| You've got to know when to do it and know when not to do it. | ||
| It's so interesting. | ||
| Jokes are kind of like songs. | ||
| Some songs, there's slow parts, and some songs are all just fucking hot for teacher. | ||
| I mean, I have part of my hour right now that is slower building, like in the middle of the show. | ||
| And if I'm in a late show and it's a chaotic crowd, in my head I'll be like, just skip that shit. | ||
| You have to pay attention to that. | ||
| And you gotta know that on a crowd like that, it's time to fire at them. | ||
| Late show Friday. | ||
| You have to. | ||
| People have been working all day. | ||
| They got up at 7. They went to work. | ||
| They probably went to the gym. | ||
| They got something to eat. | ||
| They started drinking. | ||
| And then they come to the show. | ||
| It's 10.30 when the show starts. | ||
| Out of their minds, too. | ||
| Out of their minds. | ||
| Sometimes they think... | ||
| They might be your biggest fan. | ||
| They're like, I'm here to see my favorite person. | ||
| And they're just ruining the fucking show. | ||
| There was a guy the other night at the Vulcan while I was on stage. | ||
| Everything's like, yeah, definitely. | ||
| Oh, no way. | ||
| That's one of the worst. | ||
| Don't do that. | ||
| Like, oh, Jesus, bro. | ||
| And everyone around him is like, shut the fuck up. | ||
| Yeah, you tell him, Joe. | ||
| That's what I'm doing. | ||
| Dude, you know what I just had happen at the show that I don't know. | ||
| I mean, this is so crazy that this happened at a show. | ||
| I'm in Baltimore and doing a great venue there, the Lyric. | ||
| And it's probably 30 minutes into the show. | ||
| And somebody says something, you know, it's a theater. | ||
| There's, I don't know, the 2,500 or some people at the show. | ||
| So, but somebody says something on like a pause, right? | ||
| So everybody hears it. | ||
| Sometimes you navigate whether to deal with something or not, and the bigger the rooms get, you know? | ||
| You ignore things. | ||
| This person says it like, why is Burt fat or something? | ||
| Because he eats too much. | ||
| I don't fucking know, right? | ||
| But my response was, Made other people go, oh, this is when we can... | ||
| Oh, no, I've had that happen. | ||
| Right, so they start saying other things, like podcast jokes or bikes and shit from other stand-up shows. | ||
| And I'm like, okay. | ||
| And then at one point, it happens, you know, like 10 people in a row. | ||
| I go, do you guys, do you want to keep doing the show? | ||
| Or do you want me to not do this? | ||
| And they're all like, yeah, do the show. | ||
| And when I say that, another guy... | ||
| Jumps in from the balcony with another comment, you know, like, do you like Old Bay on your crab or, you know, something like that? | ||
| And I go, I hope you die in a house fire or something like aggressive and rude. | ||
| And people laugh and I, you know, I just, and then I turn back and I do, I just continue with the show. | ||
| But moments after that, You know when you can, you don't even hear something, you feel commotion? | ||
| Right. | ||
| It's like an energy. | ||
| So I'm up there, and I'm moving on, and I'm like, what is that? | ||
| But I don't say it, because I just got through dealing with chaos. | ||
| But I feel it, and I look up there, and I'm just like, whatever. | ||
| And it kind of dies down after a moment, and I just keep doing the show. | ||
| So when I get off stage, I see Dave Okun, who you met, my tour manager who was at the party, and he's like, you're not going to believe what happened. | ||
| I go, where? | ||
| He goes, up in the balcony. | ||
| I go, oh yeah, I sensed that something was going on there. | ||
| He goes, a guy pulled his dick out and started pissing on people in the audience. | ||
| And I'm like, what? | ||
| What? | ||
| He goes, yeah, but, you know, what we learn is that he was aiming for somebody but sprayed a bunch of other people. | ||
| And the reason we know this is that one of the people that got some collateral damage is a friend of another guy I work with on the tour at Kier. | ||
| So he's like, yeah, my friend was sitting in that section and he goes, I see this guy pull his dick out, right? | ||
| And what we learn is, remember the guy that said the thing and I'm like, I hope you die in a house fire? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The guy behind him was like... | ||
| You don't fuck with Tom's show. | ||
| So he's on my side. | ||
| He's like, I got Tom's back. | ||
| And it starts to piss on him. | ||
|
unidentified
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And it ends up pissing on a bunch of people. | |
| And I go, wait, what did you do? | ||
| He goes, well, we all were like, get this guy the fuck out of here. | ||
| So then security comes over. | ||
| That's the commotion. | ||
| It was like people were trying to get security. | ||
| They thought that the guy who got pissed on was the culprit. | ||
| So they go to grab him. | ||
| And he's like, I just got pissed on. | ||
| Go get that guy. | ||
| But it takes them a second to figure it out. | ||
| And meanwhile, he gets out. | ||
| And as he gets up to the upper balcony exit area, he runs and he sprints outside and they don't catch him. | ||
| The pisser got free. | ||
| The pisser got free, yeah. | ||
| But he's on your side. | ||
|
unidentified
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He's my team. | |
| He probably just had to really pee bad, and he's like, you know what? | ||
| I got a fucking idea. | ||
| I'll get the heckler. | ||
| Yeah, I'll just pee on the heckler, because I have to pee anyway. | ||
| Because if he's getting it everywhere, that's a heavy stream. | ||
| That is a heavy stream, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
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Right? | |
| He's just spraying. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I was at one of the Boston venues. | ||
| And they told me after the show, they're like, sometimes they'll tell me, you know, we had three ejections or 12. They'll tell me that after the show. | ||
| They're like, yeah, we had to eject the guy from the upper balcony. | ||
| He just, like, squatted forward and pissed on the floor. | ||
| So he didn't want to get up. | ||
|
unidentified
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So they're like, everybody's like, what is this? | |
| And then everyone's like, it's this guy who's pissing in the seat. | ||
| Jesus Christ, people are fucking animals. | ||
| They're animals. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh my God, that's so crazy. | ||
| One other venue, they said that a guy went, he left the aisle and then just went to the corner. | ||
| Like, just pissed in the corner of the theater. | ||
| And they're like, what are you doing? | ||
| He just didn't, he's like, I don't want to go out and miss the show. | ||
| So crazy. | ||
| Imagine someone doing that at your house. | ||
| I know. | ||
| People are out of their fucking minds. | ||
| That's one thing I'm not looking forward to about owning a club. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| It's dealing with people just pissing in corners and stuff. | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| Yeah, it's really a thing, right? | ||
| I mean... | ||
| It can ruin the movie theater experience when you're like, I don't want to miss this right now. | ||
| Yeah, you just can't. | ||
| That's the other thing I love about watching movies at home. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
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Pause. | |
| Pause. | ||
| Go take a shit. | ||
| Come back. | ||
| Perfect. | ||
| Have you ever, I mean, I've done it before where I'm about to go on stage and I'm back. | ||
| It's been not on this tour, but I'm about to go on stage and I'm backstage and I'm like, fuck, I got to piss so bad. | ||
| And I'll just grab, you know. | ||
| Yeah, water bottle. | ||
| Yeah, I've done that before. | ||
| Have to do it. | ||
| Ari's done it in the studio a hundred times. | ||
| In the studio? | ||
| Yeah, he pulls out his dick and sticks it in a kombucha bottle. | ||
| He always likes pulling out his dick, though. | ||
| He loves pulling out his dick. | ||
| He did it the other day. | ||
| We had a podcast and he left to go pee, but he didn't pee in a bathroom. | ||
| He pissed in a whiskey bottle in the hallway. | ||
| And we got video footage of it. | ||
| Because we have cameras. | ||
| We have security cameras. | ||
| He's like, why are you filming me? | ||
| I go, no, no. | ||
| We're filming everything because you have security cameras. | ||
| The real question is, why are you pissing in my hallway? | ||
| He didn't see that? | ||
| Look at him. | ||
| Why couldn't he walk? | ||
| The bathroom's ten feet away. | ||
| Because he's awry. | ||
| That's part of his fun. | ||
| Part of his fun is he's just completely inappropriate. | ||
| The pull your dick out move is usually for having a real nice looking dick, a big one, or comically if you have a very small one. | ||
| It's like a fun move. | ||
| Like a Bobby Lee move. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| So what has he got? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I mean, I don't remember. | ||
| I've seen it before, but I don't really remember it. | ||
| I dare to say it's not a memorable dick. | ||
| It's a regular dick. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's not a bad dick. | ||
| No, it's not bad. | ||
| It's a pretty good sized dick. | ||
| Yeah, it's nice. | ||
| Got giant balls. | ||
| Big balls, that's right. | ||
| Yeah, they're crazy. | ||
| They like hang low. | ||
| That's really crazy, yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Joey Diaz is the most ridiculous ones. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Seen Joey's balls? | ||
| A number of times. | ||
| Grapefruit in an old lady's pantyhose. | ||
| Yeah, that's a good way to describe them. | ||
| And I've even requested them. | ||
| During the pandemic, there was a fundraiser for the store or comedy workers or something, and we were all on this Zoom with people signing in, donating money to them. | ||
| And we were like, hey, will you pull your balls out? | ||
| And he was like, I don't know, I need consent. | ||
|
unidentified
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I need consent! | |
| We were all asking, is it okay? | ||
| This is 2022, Joey. | ||
| I need consent. | ||
| So we all were like, please. | ||
| Everybody said yes, please. | ||
| And he was like, all right. | ||
| And he stood up, pulled them out. | ||
| Ten years ago, it would have been greasy. | ||
|
unidentified
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He's serious. | |
| Dude. | ||
| I know. | ||
| Donate now. | ||
| What was that for? | ||
| It was comedy store employees, I think. | ||
| Oh, after the pandemic when everything got shut down? | ||
| It looks like a bag of onions. | ||
| Somebody was like, go to the store and I'm going to make this soup. | ||
| Get six onions. | ||
| Yeah, like garlic. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| Like big cloves of garlic. | ||
|
unidentified
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It's crazy. | |
| How do your balls get that big? | ||
| Well, I mean, does he go to the doctor? | ||
| No. | ||
| Who knows what's going on down there? | ||
|
unidentified
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Mm-hmm. | |
| I often wonder. | ||
| Him and... | ||
| I feel like him and Bert probably have the most, like, I don't want to know the results mentality. | ||
| Yeah, for sure. | ||
|
unidentified
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You know? | |
| They're like, don't tell me. | ||
| Bert got his blood worked. | ||
| I was like, oh, thank God, my liver panel's good. | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| I'm like, how? | ||
| How is it possible that it's good? | ||
| He got a call, he said, from the cardiologist. | ||
| He was in a panic. | ||
| And then she goes, I don't know how you did it, but looks good. | ||
| Go celebrate. | ||
| Go have a good time. | ||
| He was like, you just gave me orders to do that? | ||
|
unidentified
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Okay. | |
| And then just... | ||
| I was like, she doesn't really mean that. | ||
| It just means congratulations. | ||
| We were talking about it today, like he is becoming the machine. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| He's not Bert Kreischer anymore. | ||
| No, no. | ||
| He's now the machine. | ||
|
unidentified
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He's morphed. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| It's like how Andrew Silverstein became Dice Clay. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| For people that don't know, the Dice Man was part of Dice's act. | ||
| Part of Andrew's act. | ||
| Andrew had an act where he has great impressions. | ||
| Dice has fucking fantastic impressions. | ||
| He used to do John Travolta and a bunch of other people. | ||
| You can find them on YouTube. | ||
| He does really good impressions. | ||
| And then he had this character that he created called the Dice Man. | ||
| And he would put on the leather jacket. | ||
| Oh! | ||
| And then it became his whole act. | ||
| It became him. | ||
| Sam Kinison, same thing. | ||
| He became the beast. | ||
| He even talked about it, how it kind of ruined his life. | ||
| Hunter Thompson talked about that. | ||
| He became gonzo. | ||
| He became this guy. | ||
| Oh, right. | ||
| They didn't think of him as just a journalist anymore. | ||
| He was part of the show. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And they always wanted him to be on acid and be drunk. | ||
| Yeah, I see Burt having some of that for sure. | ||
| Well, I mean, look at the massive success he's having doing it, which is part of the problem. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know? | ||
| I mean, if you try to go on stage and not take your shirt off now, that's no longer an option. | ||
| Yeah, it's not an option. | ||
| It's part of the show. | ||
| That's part of the show. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you got to tell the machine story. | ||
| Part of the show. | ||
| If you don't tell the machine story... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's like not... | ||
| I remember... | ||
| Early on, when he started to really move tickets, and I was like, do you have to tell the machine story? | ||
| I go, you don't have to. | ||
| You can do whatever you want. | ||
| He was like, no, I kind of have to. | ||
| And I go, you don't. | ||
| And then I went, I saw him at a show, and I was like, oh no, you have to. | ||
| They really want to hear it. | ||
| How long is that story? | ||
| He can do different length versions of it. | ||
| He can do a shorter version where if he has to rush through it, I think he can do it in 10 or something. | ||
| But he can do it as long as 22 or 25. We were talking about it yesterday on the podcast with Simpson. | ||
| I convinced him to do that on stage. | ||
| Bert? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| He gives you full credit. | ||
| He never wanted it. | ||
| He was like, I can't do it on stage. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| I'm like, the fuck? | ||
| You can't. | ||
| You have to. | ||
| But it's just crazy that this thing that he's most known for that is literally his personality now. | ||
|
unidentified
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Mm-hmm. | |
| He didn't want to tell on stage. | ||
| It's hilarious. | ||
| I know. | ||
| Sometimes, like, your friend has to see it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, like, I've had conversations with Tony about his act, you know, and I point something out, and he's like, dude, you were right. | ||
| I'm like, I'm telling you, sometimes your friends notice something that you don't notice. | ||
| It's just a... | ||
| Tags. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah! | |
| You know, tags are crazy. | ||
| I mean... | ||
| The thing is, you get suggested bad tags, you know, by people. | ||
| So sometimes you get off stage and someone's like, you should say this. | ||
| And, you know, for the most part you go like, oh, thanks. | ||
| And you're like, that was fucking terrible. | ||
| The worst is when a non-comic tries to offer you suggestions with a bit. | ||
| Shut up. | ||
| It's like saying to a surgeon, why don't you stitch it like XXXX? Just don't go straight across, but go back and forth and be tighter. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Some people go, I'll send you some stuff that I think would work for you. | ||
| I've had non-solicited stuff sent to me. | ||
| I don't even read it. | ||
| The last thing I want to do is read something and I have a parallel idea that I've already started working on and I read it in this thing and then I go, oh god. | ||
| I read this guy's thing and I have a thing that's on the same subject. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Now some fucking schizophrenic thinks that you're stealing his act. | ||
| Oh yeah. | ||
| I mean, that's a big one. | ||
| And they'll also, you know, they'll suggest ideas. | ||
| They'll go, I have jokes for you. | ||
| I'll do the thing too where I've... | ||
| You ever do a set and then you see another comic doing a set and they... | ||
| Have a bit that you didn't do in the club set, right? | ||
| But it's in your act, and they do a similar thing. | ||
| I'll tell them. | ||
| I've gone up to them and been like, hey, just so you know, that bit you just did, I want you to know because you saw me here tonight that I have a bit about that. | ||
| So you know I didn't get it from you here tonight. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And then you have guys that come up to you and go, just so you know, I have a similar bit. | ||
| And they have a reputation for stealing. | ||
|
unidentified
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And you're like, do you really? | |
| How convenient that you found a new way to do my bit. | ||
| It seems like yours. | ||
| The worst is when a guy is opening for you, and then has new jokes on the same subjects. | ||
| That happened to two friends of mine. | ||
| One guy is the opening act, and the other guy is the guy who takes him on the road. | ||
| And he was on stage, and he was doing this bit, and my friend who takes him on the road had his mouth open like, ah, he's fucking stepping on my material. | ||
| Like, totally stepping on the subject matter. | ||
| And I had to pull him aside. | ||
| I go, hey man, you know he does that bit. | ||
| And just because you're doing a different bit, kinda, you're doing it on the exact same subject and you're his opening act. | ||
| You can't do it. | ||
| You can't do that. | ||
| No. | ||
| The way to do it is if you're the opener, you just have a conversation with the headliner of that show. | ||
| And you just go, are you doing XYZ? Well, I don't think you have to do that if they hire you. | ||
| Like, if you're a middle act at a comedy club, and you're supposed to go up and you do your act, you just fucking do your set. | ||
| You do, but if you then see the headliner have a topic or the thing that's similar to yours, you either... | ||
| Just know not to do it, or you talk to him about it, you know? | ||
| You brought me to do a Vegas show, and I was like, hey, are you doing anything in these? | ||
| And you're like, I am doing this story. | ||
| I'm going to open with this. | ||
| So I was like, oh, okay. | ||
| I just dropped... | ||
| Yeah, but you and I are friends. | ||
| Like, imagine if someone was a headliner and they kind of suck, and you're, like, trying to become a headliner, and you're a middle act. | ||
| You might be like, fuck you, and fuck your premises. | ||
| The club hired me to do my time. | ||
| Yeah, but it is, I mean, I just believe in, like, if you're middle, your support. | ||
| You should embrace that role. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Callan had a conversation with someone once. | ||
| He had this guy at Midland for him, and the guy was tanking the show. | ||
| The guy was talking to the audience, but kind of tanking the show. | ||
| And he said to him, he goes, hey man, why are you doing that? | ||
| The other set, you were doing jokes, and now you're like... | ||
| He goes, I can do whatever the fuck I want. | ||
| He goes, no, no, you can't. | ||
| Now, if you do that, you're not going to open for me anymore. | ||
| It's like, you're actually, you're working for me right now. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Like, if you do that, I don't want you to work for me anymore. | ||
| He's like, man, my time on stage is my time on stage. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| Bye. | ||
| Bye. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, let's get somebody else. | ||
| And it was like a big to-do. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But people don't, people that aren't, like, sometimes people have like mental breakdowns and they don't want to do their best anymore. | ||
| Or maybe they just, you know, sometimes just the grind of repeated shows can fuck with your perspective. | ||
| There's times where I'm like a little tired and I have to remind myself Jesus fucking Christ Rogan Do you know how goddamn lucky you are just to be here to be doing this if you couldn't do this like imagine I also try to remember how I felt just recently being able to do shows after the pandemic While we were doing shows, I was like, holy shit, we're back! | ||
| We're fucking back! | ||
| We're back! | ||
| The first time we did shows was in the middle of everything. | ||
| It was July of 2020. We did the Houston Improv, because Texas doesn't give a fuck. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| Everybody had masks on. | ||
| Some of them were under their nose. | ||
| It was wild. | ||
| Like, everybody was just basically risking COVID. Yeah, to do that. | ||
| But the feeling of crushing again was so wild. | ||
| Do you remember, you must remember, when we did, it was a year ago this week, July 4th week of last year, we did MGM Arena. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| And that was the first time Vegas was open again? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Like, fully open? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| That crowd, those introductions, were insanity. | ||
| Insanity. | ||
| And then COVID kicked in hard again after that, because then the Delta kicked in. | ||
| And then I wound up getting COVID. That's right, yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That was extreme. | ||
| That was like, people were like, holy fuck, it's back. | ||
| Yeah, that really was. | ||
| That was not a normal one. | ||
| What a show that was, too. | ||
| Donnell, you, me, Dave. | ||
| Fuck, that was amazing. | ||
| I'm there Friday night. | ||
| Oh, nice. | ||
| Same place. | ||
| Yeah, that's a great venue. | ||
| I'm fucking pumped. | ||
| It's Hans Kim, Tony, me, and Brian Simpson. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| This Friday? | ||
| Friday night. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Tomorrow? | |
| Tomorrow, yeah. | ||
| I'm here all weekend. | ||
| Are you really? | ||
| What are you doing? | ||
| I'm doing ACL. Oh, nice. | ||
| I got four there. | ||
| Home gig. | ||
| Home gig. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's nice. | |
| Sleep at the house. | ||
| It's pretty great. | ||
| Dude, you're going so hard. | ||
| It is. | ||
| It's wild. | ||
| I don't know anybody who's doing a tour like you. | ||
| I've never done anything like that. | ||
| Nah, I've never even honestly heard of it, totally. | ||
| I mean, people, we tour aggressively, but this is kind of other level. | ||
| The name of it, though, is amazing. | ||
| I'm coming everywhere. | ||
| That's what you're doing. | ||
| And we haven't even announced the final leg. | ||
| That is so crazy. | ||
| You have more legs. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So we have everything announced through this year domestically. | ||
| I do so many. | ||
| So the tour started in 21, right? | ||
| And just in 22, this year I'll do 198 shows. | ||
| Oh my god! | ||
| And I did, I think, because I started in August of 21, I think I did 70-something between August and December of last year. | ||
| And then I do Australia-New Zealand in January, and then I announce the final leg, which is more international shows. | ||
| Are you doing mostly theaters, mostly arenas? | ||
| Are you doing like half and half? | ||
| It's a lot of theaters, and then the arenas have started to increase. | ||
| So I started to do a couple. | ||
| I have a few Canadian arenas, and then I'm doing... | ||
| I have a big... | ||
| I'm doing two ball arenas in Denver, July 23rd and 24th. | ||
| Nice. | ||
| So that's big. | ||
| Double. | ||
| Double arenas. | ||
| Double arena. | ||
| Mohegan Sun Arena. | ||
| And we have a couple others on the books. | ||
| Denver's fucking great. | ||
| That's my fucking... | ||
| I love Denver. | ||
| It really is. | ||
| I love that town. | ||
| I think, I mean, if I wasn't settled here, if you used to go, where do you want to live? | ||
| I would live in Denver. | ||
| I really like it. | ||
| If I was going to pick up and move, I think, the thing about Denver is there's comedy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And there's mountains. | ||
| I mean, it's gorgeous. | ||
| It's gorgeous. | ||
| You get proper four seasons, you know? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yep. | |
| You get to experience it all. | ||
| Great restaurants. | ||
| Great restaurants. | ||
| People are cool as shit. | ||
| Yeah, it's a really nice mix of everything. | ||
| The homeless thing's out of control there, though. | ||
| In Denver? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, they have a very liberal mayor, and they're nuts. | |
| What did we do with them here? | ||
| We killed them. | ||
| Did we throw them in the river? | ||
| No, the river's not gonna get polluted by homeless people. | ||
| I remember when I got here, the library, like on Cesar Chavez, was... | ||
| Totally taken over. | ||
| Completely taken over. | ||
| One day you drive by and you're like, what happened here? | ||
| They did a good job. | ||
| They fixed it. | ||
| They brought them into shelters. | ||
| They bought hotels. | ||
| They spent a lot of money and they cleaned it up. | ||
| And they cleaned it up substantially. | ||
| Like no other city that I've ever been a part of. | ||
| And it was just a great relief that this city is doing the right thing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They got them shelter. | ||
| They took care of them, you know, and they moved them out of the streets. | ||
| You can't litter on the street. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You also can't camp there. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| Both those things are true. | ||
| But you have to have a solution, right? | ||
| You can't just be like, well, you can't do this and we have nothing, no option for you. | ||
| Right. | ||
| No, they did a good job. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They really did. | ||
| I did notice, because I was in LA last week, because I was always kind of floored by the location of it, right? | ||
| Which I don't know how that would sound to some people, but just when you... | ||
| Like, there's always been a homeless presence downtown, for instance. | ||
| Downtown Los Angeles, you just go... | ||
| This is like a lot of major cities downtowns, and there's a presence here. | ||
| And then, you know, you always had it in Venice, for instance, also, right? | ||
| That was just like an area you would always have homelessness. | ||
| But there was a camp set up in Brentwood, which I was like, wow, this feels like a real... | ||
| Indication of the extreme level of this. | ||
| Because Brentwood, for somebody that doesn't know, is one of the enclaves of Los Angeles that is just really high-end. | ||
| It's an elite... | ||
| It's where O.J. killed his wife. | ||
| O.J. killed his wife there. | ||
| Other people have died there. | ||
| It's a wonderful area. | ||
| And... | ||
| But it is, I mean, it is like a status area to live in. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you would drive, you take this off of, I think off San Vicente, and there's the military cemetery there, and the camp was all along there as the road turned, and it was just like... | ||
| Out of control. | ||
| Out of control. | ||
| They've given up. | ||
| Yeah, but that one's gone now. | ||
| That one's gone? | ||
| That one's gone. | ||
| Really? | ||
| That's what I was very surprised by. | ||
| I don't know where people relocated to, if they did any of the things we were talking about, but that one, at least when I went through that day, I was expecting it. | ||
| I was like, oh, it's gone. | ||
| I don't know where it went. | ||
| They have porta-potties in the underpasses now. | ||
| They do? | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| I went to LA for a couple days last week for your wife's birthday party. | ||
| That was a good fucking time. | ||
| It was fun. | ||
| That was a good time. | ||
| I got a little too high. | ||
| Sure did I. Daddy got a little too high. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Woo! | |
| I was in that. | ||
| Blistered. | ||
| I was in that. | ||
| She asked me, she's like, where have you been? | ||
| I was like, just getting high in the fucking- Yeah, we were high as fuck. | ||
| On the balcony. | ||
| Yeah, we were high as fuck. | ||
| But it was fun. | ||
| It was just a fun party. | ||
| But anyway, while we were driving to there, we ate at Mother Wolf. | ||
| You ever eat at Mother Wolf? | ||
| It's a fucking new place in LA that's run by the same head chef as Felix in Venice. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck. | |
| Really. | ||
| It's just as good as Felix. | ||
| Where is Mother Wolf? | ||
| Mother Wolf is on... | ||
| Wilcox, thank you. | ||
| So proper Hollywood. | ||
| Yeah, Hollywood, Hollywood. | ||
| Anyway, so we take the off-ramp, and then we're on the underpass, and there's porta-potties. | ||
| Not one, either, like four, like a deck of porta-potties. | ||
| And then someone has a car parked there on the sidewalk, like partly on the sidewalk, so they're like half-blocking a lane, and then they have like a canopy draped over their car, and they have stacks of shit, and then next to it was a dresser. | ||
| They had a dresser. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| So they had their shoes in a shoe rack. | ||
| There was a shoe rack. | ||
| This is where they live. | ||
| That's really wild. | ||
| I didn't know also that when you see stuff like that on the streets, at least in Los Angeles or maybe in California, that's protected property. | ||
| Like by law. | ||
| You know that? | ||
| So you're not supposed to do that. | ||
| But that's that person's property by law. | ||
| Oh, the homeless person's property is protected? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Huh. | |
| If you were to go and try to move that or take that- You'd get arrested. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Hilarious. | ||
| But they wouldn't arrest you if you shot somebody. | ||
| Maybe you should just go and shoot the homeless people. | ||
| I like your ideas. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And if nobody claims it, I mean, nobody does anything about violent crime in LA anymore. | ||
| It's a fucking joke. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They're just letting people out. | ||
| You know? | ||
| That guy that killed Ted Sarandos' mother-in-law, he had just gotten out. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Real piece of shit. | ||
| Yeah, just people that are just full-on career criminals, And it's bad. | ||
| I just read about the guy that he killed a subway worker, you saw that, over too much mayo? | ||
| Yep. | ||
| He had just gotten out. | ||
| Shot her in front of her daughter. | ||
| He's a career criminal too. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Too much mayo. | ||
| I like mayo. | ||
| I love it too. | ||
| I like a juicy subway sandwich. | ||
| The story really stuck with me. | ||
| Do you know the bread and subway sandwich has so much sugar you can't legally call it bread? | ||
| No. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, it's like a pastry. | ||
| Yeah, pull that up. | ||
| Eat fresh, man. | ||
| That's their fucking slogan. | ||
| Remember when Jared, the pedophile, was eating bread from Subway and claiming that that's how he- Do you remember that he was my buddy and that I have his phone number? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, that's right. | |
| We shot commercials together. | ||
| Jesus Christ, that's crazy. | ||
| We split a pizza at the W Hotel in New York. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| He was like, his friend said, you know, the executives are pissed. | ||
| They say Jared's gaining weight. | ||
| I'm like, what? | ||
| You look great. | ||
| He's like, they're like, no, he's put on a few, because they would really, they go, we can only do this campaign with you if you're always, you know, yeah. | ||
| How much did he lose total? | ||
| Man, I think he was 500 pounds and he got down to like the low twos, so he probably lost over 250 pounds, yeah. | ||
| Subway Rolls ruled too sugary to be bread in Ireland. | ||
| That is hilarious. | ||
| Pull it down with the article. | ||
| Ireland's highest court made the ruling in the case about how bread is taxed. | ||
| An Irish franchise, the US company, had claimed that it should not pay VAT on the rolls it uses in its heated sandwiches, but the court ruled that because of the level of sugar in the rolls, they cannot be taxed as bread, which classified as a staple product with zero VAT. I don't know what VAT is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's a tax, VAT tax act. | |
| Under Ireland's VAT tax act of 1972, ingredients in bread such as sugar and fat should not exceed 2% of the weight of flour in the dough. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| By the way, the funniest quote is the Subway spokesperson. | ||
| Subway's bread is, of course, bread. | ||
| Look at what they say. | ||
| The content, the sugar content is 10% of the flour. | ||
| In the dough for both white and whole grain rolls. | ||
| 10% is crazy. | ||
| Yeah, that is. | ||
| Shouldn't have any fucking sugar in there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Why does it have 10%? | ||
| That is... | ||
| It's a pastry. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Subway's bread is, of course, bread. | ||
| We have been baking bread. | ||
| Fresh bread in our stores for more than three decades, and our guests return each day for sandwiches made on bread that smells as good as it tastes. | ||
| Dude, look at that. | ||
| The rolls are now subject to tax at 13.5%. | ||
| So if you're, you know, working out your margins there, that's a big increase from what it was, right? | ||
| Like, holy shit. | ||
| Yeah, that's a hit. | ||
| Yeah, you're like, I think we gotta remake this bread, man. | ||
| Yeah, just make regular bread. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, how many people would buy less Subway sandwiches if it was no sugar in their bread? | ||
| Maybe you don't know. | ||
| If you're used to that taste, you don't know how it's made. | ||
| And if they do that, you'd be like, the fuck is up with this bread? | ||
| I'm like, well, we cut the 35 grams of sugar we were putting in. | ||
| I'm like, oh. | ||
| Yeah, 10%. | ||
| If it's 10% of the flour is sugar, What is, like, does normal bread, do they add sugar? | ||
| I want to say... | ||
| I think white bread definitely has sugar in it. | ||
| Some, right? | ||
| Well, like Wonder Bread, but that's not really bread. | ||
| Oh, it's delicious. | ||
| I mean, it's kind of bread, but Wonder Bread is basically pastry. | ||
| Yeah, because that's a very sweet tasting bread. | ||
| Oh my god, it's so good. | ||
| Wonder Bread with, like, peanut butter and jelly is fucking fantastic. | ||
| One slice, 1.5 grams. | ||
| For white bread. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, that's from USDA. Oh, it just says white bread, yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Does it say how many grams are in a Subway? | ||
| Yeah, it's a lot. | ||
| It's a lot? | ||
| Yeah, look at that. | ||
| Companies reviewing the ruling, a six-inch Subway roll contains three to five grams of sugar. | ||
| That's not that bad. | ||
| It doesn't seem that crazy. | ||
| Except for gluten-free, which has seven. | ||
| Oh, interesting. | ||
| They added more sugar to gluten-free. | ||
| It seems like that Irish Supreme Court could have been just a little bit of a... | ||
| Like a scam to like, let's increase that tax rate a little bit. | ||
| Yeah, probably. | ||
| Let's get that bread tax up. | ||
| I mean, they have a known history in the UK of being a little tax happy. | ||
| Tax, yeah. | ||
| Remember those days? | ||
| Oh yeah, sure. | ||
| We had a show on the fucking what's what. | ||
| What's what, dog? | ||
| Yeah, bro. | ||
| And then there's the big tax loophole that exists in Ireland, right? | ||
| Which corporations... | ||
| Funnel their money through them. | ||
| Oh, yeah? | ||
| What is that? | ||
| What's the loophole? | ||
| So I believe the loophole has to do with, you know, if you route your money through certain countries and they have laws that allow it, they allow you to go, like, our money is actually deposited here. | ||
| They collect a tax. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But it's far less than what they would pay if they kept it, let's say, here. | ||
| So they end up... | ||
| It's essentially housing that money there to pay less tax. | ||
| I believe it's the Irish... | ||
| It's called an Irish corporate tax loophole or something like that. | ||
| Just so many tax loopholes. | ||
| But it's a big one. | ||
| There's American politicians who have lobbied to try to get that done away with, like ban the ability to do that so that people would have to pay more taxes here so far. | ||
| The problem with paying more taxes is they're just going to find more ways to spend your money. | ||
| I don't necessarily think it's going to make anything better. | ||
| I think the bureaucracy in this country is so clogged up and fucked up and ineffective. | ||
| I don't think they'd be better if we all just gave 75% taxes. | ||
| They're not going to fix the streets. | ||
| They're not going to cure the homeless problem, fix all the crime. | ||
| They'll just figure out more ways to spend. | ||
| They'll find new ways to tell you that the rich people are not paying their share, so you turn on them. | ||
| I love memes. | ||
| I've been fucking meme-happy lately. | ||
| They're so funny. | ||
| It's like when things are gone crazy, I love memes. | ||
| Because it just seems like that's the shit that makes... | ||
| They sometimes summarize things perfectly. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| But someone just sent me one about... | ||
| I'm going to find it for you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
About people with pitchforks. | |
| Turning on the people with torches. | ||
| Hold on a second. | ||
| I'm fucking this up. | ||
| It's not good. | ||
| Bro, my vision is dog shit. | ||
| Mine too. | ||
| It gets worse. | ||
| It's getting so bad. | ||
| All the time. | ||
| I mean, if I don't... | ||
| I'm not going to find it. | ||
| If I don't wear reading glasses... | ||
| Oh, here it is. | ||
| I can barely see. | ||
| You know those little things? | ||
| The little squares on your iPhone? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| All the images? | ||
| I have to make the image full size. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I can't figure out what that little thing is. | ||
| Yeah, I've gotten to the point where if any type of thing is written on the phone, I have to enlarge or wear glasses. | ||
| I can't just read the... | ||
| So this one's like a cartoon. | ||
| Oh, no, you don't need to fight them. | ||
| You just need to convince the pitchfork people that the torch people want to take away their pitchforks. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| It's real. | ||
| It's real. | ||
| I mean, this is what they would do if you got more taxes. | ||
| I guess that's not a meme. | ||
| That's a cartoon. | ||
| Yeah, but same idea, basically. | ||
| So are you aware of that Russian Popeye guy? | ||
| The guy who gets... | ||
| Russian Popeye? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, he's this guy who is addicted to plastic surgery. | |
| Oh, no. | ||
| It's this guy who I've seen a photo of that his face is so fucking crazy. | ||
| He's doing crazy stuff to his face, but also doing stuff to his arms. | ||
| Yeah, they look good. | ||
| Look, his arm looks seriously infected. | ||
| His left arm, I mean, I don't know what's going on there, but... | ||
| He's injecting his arms with something like oil or something. | ||
| Maybe it's synthol. | ||
| So I've read somewhere that it was petroleum jelly that he's doing. | ||
| He's like literally insane. | ||
| This is like complete mental illness. | ||
| A hundred percent. | ||
| Well, if you look at the translations of his posts, it's all, I am a very attractive band. | ||
| I'm very handsome and very confident. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| And so his new ones... | ||
| Most guys like that say that. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| All the good-looking ones. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm very good-looking, and I'm very confident. | ||
| Look at what he's doing to his face. | ||
| Look at that face, the big one. | ||
| So he's doing this to his face now. | ||
| Which is weird when you hear him talk, because he's got this heavy Russian accent. | ||
| What is his face, man? | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Yeah, that's not good. | ||
| He's got... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, man. | |
| He's got makeup on, too, for sure. | ||
| He does. | ||
| Definitely got lipstick on. | ||
| There's no way those lips wouldn't feel good. | ||
| On your cock? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| You don't think that would feel good? | ||
| Come on. | ||
| Like, if you just covered everything else up. | ||
| You wouldn't even have to cover everything up. | ||
| Because he looks kind of like a crazy girl. | ||
| He does. | ||
| He looks like a real crazy girl. | ||
| Yeah, like, let me see his face, full face. | ||
| Like, if you get fake eyelashes on that dude and long hair... | ||
| You can pretend. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I have before. | ||
| All right. | ||
| Hey! | ||
| Cheers, everybody. | ||
| Oh, hey! | ||
| Number two, New York Times bestseller. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How you doing? | |
| Hey! | ||
| You're number two, huh? | ||
| I was. | ||
| I think I'm seven this week. | ||
| Who's number one when you were number two? | ||
| It was Fox& Friends host, and it's like reshaped the American mind. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Those are the people who read. | ||
| It's got the Christian emblem next to it. | ||
| Like, lets you know it's a Christian-friendly book. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, boy. | |
| And it's in every store. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Did you know that when the printing press was first made, most of the really popular books were like How to Spot Witches? | ||
| No. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I always thought, like, books. | ||
| Oh, the old books. | ||
| Like, we're going to pass down our knowledge of mathematics and geometry. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| This is how you build a house. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Uh-uh. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| No, the early books were like, the really popular ones, like How to Spot Witches. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| But it only makes sense. | ||
| Did you know that they're down to two printing press houses in America now? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| So it used to be a thing where if we all wrote books and you're like, when's it going to print? | ||
| And it'd be like, when it's done. | ||
| We don't care. | ||
| Now you have to get a slot. | ||
| Like you're talking about like a hardcover book. | ||
| And because there's only two left, if you lose, let's say you're like, oh, my book's not ready or whatever happens. | ||
| Pull out. | ||
| Now you have to wait for everybody who already has a slot to print before you can get another one. | ||
| So it becomes a thing where the deadline to print becomes extremely important. | ||
| How many did there used to be? | ||
| So many more to the point where it was never an issue. | ||
| You would never be like, well, we can't get a slot. | ||
| I know this because when I had my deadline, I called them the night before and I was like, I'm not going to meet the deadline tomorrow. | ||
| And they're like, you have to. | ||
| And I'm like, but I won't. | ||
| Because it's not done. | ||
| And they're like, you really have to. | ||
| And I go, well, let's push it. | ||
| And then we can get a new date to print. | ||
| And we'll just push the release. | ||
| And I pitched this whole thing. | ||
| And they got back to me the next day. | ||
| They go, you have one week. | ||
| They gave me an extra week to finish it. | ||
| And I just wrote night and day. | ||
| Did you take Adderall? | ||
| I didn't. | ||
| I'd never taken it. | ||
| I haven't either, but I would think about it for that. | ||
| Yeah, that would make me hyper. | ||
| I've never done it. | ||
| My wife took it once. | ||
| She told me it's crazy. | ||
| Super focused. | ||
| She said she only took like a half of one. | ||
| Her friend was like, just take the whole one. | ||
| She's like, I'm going to try a half of one. | ||
|
unidentified
|
She's like, she's cleaning her closet. | |
| Grinding her teeth. | ||
| I could use that. | ||
| I don't mind that. | ||
| I could use that type of focus. | ||
| I am terrified of speed because I'm terrified that I would enjoy it. | ||
| I like the Kratom. | ||
| Have you taken that? | ||
| I have taken Kratom. | ||
| Have you taken it as a pre-workout? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Well, I've taken it as a bunch of different things, but you know Chris Bell? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Chris and Mark Bell? | ||
| Yeah, we were talking about them the other day. | ||
| So Chris Bell's the one who turned me on to it. | ||
| That's who turned me on to it. | ||
| And so he tells me if you take a small amount, it's sort of like a mild stimulant, like a cup of coffee. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But if you take a larger amount, it has a different effect. | ||
| So I go, well, how many do you take? | ||
| And he goes, well, before I work out, I take 10. I go, 10? | ||
| 10? | ||
| I didn't know that. | ||
| You take 10? | ||
| I go, so I take 10. So I took 10. And I was high as fuck. | ||
| I was high as fuck. | ||
| Wait, did you take 10 vials? | ||
| 10 pills. | ||
| 10 pills? | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because the vials, the liquid form- Oh, the liquid form. | ||
| Is more potent. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| That would be crazy. | ||
| I take one of the- I've been doing it for a couple weeks. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| And I feel fucking ready to go after that. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| Does it make you feel like you're ready to work out? | ||
| Like you feel better? | ||
| I do. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| More energy? | ||
| Uh-huh. | ||
| It's a weird drug. | ||
| It's a weird drug, though, because if I'm being totally honest, I also feel more confident on it. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| I feel, I'm just like, I don't know. | ||
| I feel more confident, but that's good, right? | ||
| I think it's good for going into a workout. | ||
| What's it bad for? | ||
| It just makes me laugh because you say that and somebody goes, you mean like cocaine? | ||
| And I'm like, I guess so. | ||
| But it's kind of like an opiate, right? | ||
| I mean, I've heard different commentary about it, but I just know that I really liked it for their stuff, Mind Bullet. | ||
| I really liked it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It made me nervous when I tried 10. You might want to dial that back. | ||
| But you're also like, I'm going to do a cold plunge for 25 minutes. | ||
| Might be something in your brain doing that. | ||
| Well, I just wanted to see what he was experiencing. | ||
| He was telling me he was doing 10. I was only doing two on my own. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Because I think maybe it even said it on the label. | ||
| I don't remember. | ||
| But I was doing two, and I was like, hmm, gives me kind of a good feeling. | ||
| I like it. | ||
| It was like a good cup of coffee. | ||
| Chris is one of those guys who, because I worked out with him in Sacramento, he can just go in there on a moment's notice and still pull five, six hundred pounds. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's fifty-something years old. | ||
| Chris or Mark? | ||
| Chris. | ||
| That's a lot. | ||
| He's not a big guy. | ||
| I know. | ||
| Strong dude. | ||
| Just has that switch. | ||
| And he has fake hips. | ||
| Does he? | ||
| Yeah, he had his hips. | ||
| Mark is still super fucking strong, too. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But 10 is, you're getting high. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You're getting high, high. | ||
| Like, it's a wild high. | ||
| It's like this kind of high, like, ooh. | ||
| That vial, if I had taken another one, I might be like that, too. | ||
| Loopy. | ||
| Yeah, but that's what it does. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| It's like it has a different effect with low dose than it does with high dose. | ||
| It's not like with low dose, you get confident and a little pick-me-up, but high dose, you get even more confident and more pick-me-up. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| No, I was high. | ||
| High, high. | ||
| I was high, like, wee. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But I didn't have... | ||
| Any motor control issues. | ||
| Like, everything moved perfect. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| It wasn't like I was impaired. | ||
| But did you finish that going, I don't want to do this again? | ||
| Yeah, I never did it again. | ||
| Never touched it again. | ||
| Do you like any pre-workout? | ||
| I don't generally... | ||
| Generally, I'll take a Kill Cliff. | ||
| I like Kill Cliff. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Because it's like 150 milligrams, just B12 in it. | ||
| 150 milligrams caffeine, like Kill Cliff Ignite. | ||
| I like those pre-workouts. | ||
| But I feel like all I really need is to get sweaty. | ||
| Once I get going, then I'm good. | ||
| I mean, it's not probably that unique, but the feeling of breaking a real sweat just from lifting is so much more rewarding than from cardio, right? | ||
| Because cardio, you go, like, I'm definitely going to sweat as long as I... But you can do a lifting regimen where... | ||
| If you do it at a certain pace, you might not sweat, but you still have a pump going. | ||
| But if you get after it with weights and you really start sweating, I think it's one of the best feelings. | ||
| Yeah, it's nice. | ||
| It's a very anxiety-relieving feeling. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's two types of lifting, right? | ||
| There's like lifting heavy, like rock and rock, and with big pauses in between your sets. | ||
| You don't get too sweaty for that. | ||
| No. | ||
| You know, doing like sets of two and three. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But I don't really do that. | ||
| The heaviest thing I lift is 70 pounds. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Occasionally I'll do deadlifts with more or squats with more. | ||
| And when I say 70 pounds, I mean a 70 pound kettlebell. | ||
| I might use two. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But it's like 70 pounds with each hand. | ||
| That's what I was carrying when my knee popped the other day and I was like, Yeah, oof. | ||
| I was tearing a dumbbell. | ||
| I was doing rows, you know? | ||
| And I had it in my hand. | ||
| Just, it's fine. | ||
| I mean, it was fine for the rows. | ||
| And I go to move, and I don't pivot. | ||
| Like, my left leg stayed planted, and I just felt pop-pop. | ||
| And I was like... | ||
| It's the knee that I had injured before. | ||
| And it was a good four days. | ||
| Serious injury. | ||
| For people that don't know, there's a video of it online. | ||
| We don't need to watch it again. | ||
| But it's a patellar tendon tear. | ||
| And so you have to repair that. | ||
| But my knee also swelled up. | ||
| And I was like, oh no. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I got so nervous about it. | ||
| I got it x-rayed, I got it examined, got an MRI. Yeah. | ||
| And they go, I think you just tore a bunch of scar. | ||
| There's so much scar tissue there. | ||
| So they go, you tore scar tissue. | ||
| I don't even want to get my knee MRI'd, my knee that's causing me problems. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| I just want to keep juicing up with stem cells. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Stem cell parties. | ||
| It's working. | ||
| It's definitely better. | ||
| It's definitely better. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| It's just, I gotta not kick with it. | ||
| That's the whole deal. | ||
| I just can't kick. | ||
| There's too much torque in that. | ||
| Yeah, it's too much. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Makes sense. | |
| And I can't just half-ass it. | ||
| Well, my PT, because I saw her when I was in L.A., she goes, like, are you doing lunches? | ||
| And I go, yeah. | ||
| She goes, are you fucking stupid? | ||
| And I'm like, what? | ||
| And she goes, are you a fucking dumbass or something? | ||
| I go, no. | ||
| Did she talk to you like that because you're a comic? | ||
| No, she just had, Dr. Karen, she just has that... | ||
| That's her? | ||
| Karen Joubert, yeah. | ||
| She has that personality. | ||
| I mean, we're friends, so we've hung out, we've socialized, but she's great, but she... | ||
| She goes, you're doing lunges like a fucking idiot? | ||
| And I was like, I guess so. | ||
| I go, hey, you never told me not to do lunges, and neither did anybody else. | ||
| She goes, I mean, look at the movement of your knee when you're doing a lunge, dummy. | ||
| Of course you're going to fuck up your potatoes. | ||
| I was like, all right. | ||
| She goes, no more lunge. | ||
| Well, how long has it been since the surgery? | ||
| The surgery was a year and a half. | ||
| And you still can't do lunges? | ||
| She just said that it's really best to... | ||
| The torque you put on the knee on a full lunge, especially like a weighted walking lunge, is a lot for a patella, for a patellar tendon. | ||
| So she's like, you can do squats, you can do deadlifts. | ||
| So never do lunges again? | ||
| I mean, maybe if it was... | ||
| Because they, like the doctor said... | ||
| It's so funny, when I got injured, they go, orthopedic injuries, full year. | ||
| Everyone said a year. | ||
| And a year, that's what it takes. | ||
| You gotta need a full year to recover. | ||
| You need a full year. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| I go in the other day when I had this scare, and he goes, yeah, you know, your left quad's coming back pretty good. | ||
| It's not where the right quad is, but I can tell you've been lifting and this is good. | ||
| I go, yeah. | ||
| He goes, you know, it takes two years before your quad comes back. | ||
| I go, when did we add another fucking year to this? | ||
| And he's like, oh, that's what it takes for a quad to really come back two years. | ||
| I go, oh, so now we're on a two-year plan. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| But how do athletes do it? | ||
| Because it doesn't take two years for them. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I mean, I think ACL stuff might be a little different or maybe the regimen they put them through. | ||
| I'm not sure. | ||
| This is just what they told me. | ||
| And they just said... | ||
| Maybe strengthen it up even more before you get into lunges. | ||
| Patella tendon is a big fucking tendon. | ||
| It's a big one, yeah. | ||
| I mean, what happens is, too, I mean, it's pretty obvious, but when that tendon tears, your patella just goes floating, and you have no hinge ability. | ||
| So it's just a leg that doesn't move, because you don't have a knee. | ||
| So it's just completely useless. | ||
| And then you can't move it when the surgery comes, you know, when you're recovering from it, you can't move it at all. | ||
| Like, you know, when you do ACL repair, you're able to walk on it, like, after a few weeks, and you're able to then, you know, 10 weeks later. | ||
| But you're in a straight brace for the patellar for, like, six, eight weeks. | ||
| I went to a party without crutches five days after my ACL surgery. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| I just put a knee brace on it, and I was walking around. | ||
| There you go. | ||
| I worked out real hard. | ||
| Well, I was in really good shape. | ||
| I was doing jujitsu a lot. | ||
| And I popped my ACL. And then I got it fixed within two weeks. | ||
| It was really quick. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I didn't do any meniscus tear on that knee at all. | ||
| It was just... | ||
| It was a... | ||
| It wasn't a normal way of tearing it. | ||
| It was jujitsu and I was in what's called half guard in a lockdown and I was trying to pass this guy his half guard and he extended his legs and instead of my leg being locked out like this, my leg was locked out sideways. | ||
| So it just snapped and it sounded like a carrot. | ||
| It did? | ||
| Yeah, like that, loud. | ||
| And that was the ACL? Yeah, and it didn't even hurt. | ||
| That's what was crazy. | ||
| How about, could you walk when you stood up? | ||
| Totally. | ||
| I got up and my knee was a little stiff and I kept rolling. | ||
| I kept training. | ||
| And then I was in my office. | ||
| I think I stopped early, though. | ||
| I think I stopped training early because it was starting to stiffen up. | ||
| And I was like, eh, maybe this is something. | ||
| Because it doesn't hurt, but maybe it's something. | ||
| Meniscus tears hurt like a motherfucker. | ||
| Yeah, that's what they were telling me. | ||
| But sometimes tendons and ligaments, they don't really hurt. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| So then I was in my office just moving some shit around, and my leg just went, it just buckled. | ||
| And I had already turned my left ACL like 10 years prior, so I knew what it was. | ||
| I was like, God damn it. | ||
| So luckily, I went in, and I had already seen this doctor, because he had cleaned up my meniscus in my left knee, and I went to him, and he's like, dude, you need surgery. | ||
| I go, when can you get me in? | ||
| He's like, 10 days. | ||
| I go, okay, we're good. | ||
| So, ten days later, I had surgery, and five days after that, I went to my friend Matt's birthday party. | ||
| He's like, I thought you just had knee surgery. | ||
| I go, I did. | ||
| I feel good. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| He's like, what the fuck are you doing? | ||
| I'm like, I've got a brace on. | ||
| That's wild. | ||
| I was walking around. | ||
| Didn't bother me at all. | ||
| I didn't even have any pain medication. | ||
| And you were exercising shortly after that? | ||
| I did jujitsu six months later. | ||
| Six months later. | ||
| Yeah, it took six months of training, but I rehabbed it hard. | ||
| I didn't rehab the left one that good because that was like in my 20s and I was kind of stupid. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But I was so into jujitsu when I was in my 30s that when I blew that ACL out, I was doing bodyweight squats in the shower, like deep bodyweight squats in the shower, like just days after surgery. | ||
| I was like, I am going to break this tissue up. | ||
| I'm like, I know my left leg is really strong, and I can hold the position, and my legs are strong. | ||
| I've been working out a lot, so I know I can do stuff like this, so I'm just going to slowly make sure that... | ||
| Because I have a friend, my friend Jen, she got her knee done up in Canada. | ||
| Shout out to Jen Rivett. | ||
| She got her knee done up in Canada, and I don't know if it was a bad doctor or a bad situation, but she developed scar tissue that was so bad that she couldn't fully extend her knee. | ||
| So they had to put her under. | ||
| So they put her under after the surgery, like a long time afterwards, to try to straighten her knee out to break up the scar tissue. | ||
| And they did it in this insanely painful way that you can only do if someone's out cold. | ||
| Fully out, yeah. | ||
| Still didn't work. | ||
| Didn't work? | ||
| Nope. | ||
| So her knee doesn't fully lock out. | ||
| Her knee never goes like that. | ||
| It goes like? | ||
| Yeah, it goes like this. | ||
| So she kind of walks with a limp, and I'm like, God damn it. | ||
| When I see shit like that, and she's younger than me, and I see shit like that, I'm like, well, that's how you blow your hip out. | ||
| Because you're favoring one knee, and you put pressure on your other knee. | ||
| Your whole body's like out of balance if you have something wrong like that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And, you know, I... Whenever I talk to anybody that's had any kind of surgery like that, I'm like, you gotta keep that fucking leg moving. | ||
| You can't just sit around. | ||
| You can't just sit around and let it heal and lock up. | ||
| Well, I'm so glad it was scar tissue. | ||
| Yeah, I know. | ||
| That's so lucky. | ||
| I don't even know if you'd finish saying that. | ||
| So it was just the scar tissue that popped in your knee when you had that thing recently? | ||
| Yeah, because everything was intact. | ||
| I mean, first it was x-rays, and they did this manual exam where they move your leg around, and they're like, does this hurt? | ||
| Can you do this? | ||
| Can you extend? | ||
| Can you resist? | ||
| And, you know, past that, and then, yeah, the MRI, and they go, it was scar tissue. | ||
| So, thankfully. | ||
| That's very lucky. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| I was just panicked about being laid up again. | ||
| I was like, fuck. | ||
| I know multiple guys who have had an ACL, had it fully repaired, and then went too hard too quick, and then blew it out again. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I knew by the time, like six months after, the two different ways that I did it, on this side I had what's called a patella tendon graft. | ||
| Where they take a piece of your patella out, and you can see the scar on this one. | ||
| It goes like this here. | ||
| They take a piece of the patella with a piece of your shin bone and a piece of your kneecap, and then they open you up like a fish, and then they drill in that and drill in that, and this patella tendon replaces your ACL. But on this one, I did a cadaver. | ||
| And this one, they used an Achilles tendon from a cadaver, and it's 150% stronger than a regular ACL. Whoa. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So this one... | ||
| Didn't know that. | ||
| This one's good to go, son. | ||
| It really is. | ||
| I'm kicking through walls with this one. | ||
| But not the other one. | ||
| Well, the other one, I had some meniscus damage. | ||
| They repaired it initially, but repairing for regular people and repairing for kicking are just two different things. | ||
| The amount of torque. | ||
| Walking around is different. | ||
| Walking around probably would have been fine, but there's just too much twisting and yanking. | ||
| Kicking is so, especially spinning, There's so much torque on your knees. | ||
| There's so much going on, driving into things. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| It's hard. | ||
| I don't want to get my knees replaced. | ||
| That's what I don't want. | ||
| Because I know Michael Bisping had both his knees replaced. | ||
| I know my friend Steve Graham, he had both his knees replaced on multiple times. | ||
| So you're going to dial it back with kicking with that leg, right? | ||
| For a while. | ||
| That's why I went today, to get the stem cells. | ||
| Shout out to Ways to Will. | ||
| Shout out Waze the Well. | ||
| They're great. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's awesome. | ||
| I brought friends. | ||
| Oh, it's so nice. | ||
| I mean, stem cells, all those biologics, it's such a game changer because it can heal things in a way that you just did not have access to before stem cells. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| I mean, it already feels better. | ||
| He's been doing it for the last couple months, injecting it, and it feels way better. | ||
| It was hurting going upstairs, and I was like, God damn it. | ||
| Because I just know where this road goes. | ||
| Fucking nightmare. | ||
| And the road goes also to a weakened leg. | ||
| So I make sure that I do a lot of stuff on that leg. | ||
| I've been very, very diligent about the knees over toes program. | ||
| I have that torque sled. | ||
| I pull that motherfucker backwards almost every day. | ||
| I'm supposed to get that sled tomorrow or the next day. | ||
| Yeah, it's the shit. | ||
| That thing's the shit. | ||
| I used it at Bell's Place. | ||
| They had one. | ||
| Oh, you didn't see the gym here. | ||
| Oh, I saw it. | ||
| Oh, did you? | ||
| It's fucking wild. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Isn't it cool? | |
| Yes. | ||
| That's cool as fuck. | ||
| Did you see the archery range? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's nuts what you have here. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yoga room, sauna, cold plunge. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| Float tank. | ||
| This is your personal gym. | ||
| It's dope. | ||
| Yeah, it's dope. | ||
| Well, other people use it, you know? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Security guys use it. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Curtis comes in. | ||
| Fucking, I'm coming by, man. | ||
| Anytime, brother. | ||
| Anytime. | ||
| Come on down. | ||
| Have a workout. | ||
| It's awesome. | ||
| I love having it. | ||
| It's just a beautiful thing to have. | ||
| It's also a fun thing to do with guys before you do a podcast. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| Get a workout in. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah. | |
| Sweat. | ||
| It's great. | ||
| Yeah, I'm going to offer yoga classes for people that want to come and do a podcast. | ||
| Like say, hey, the podcast starts at 1, but if you'd like, I'm going to do yoga at 10 a.m. | ||
| Come on down, get a little yoga class in. | ||
| That kind of shit. | ||
| Are you still doing a lot of yoga? | ||
| I haven't been, but I want to. | ||
| That's why. | ||
| I really enjoyed when we did that. | ||
| I mean, it was a whole different... | ||
|
unidentified
|
The challenge? | |
| Yeah, but not even the challenge aspect. | ||
| I mean, that was cool, too. | ||
| But getting into something that I didn't really do before, and I do miss it. | ||
| I do like the feeling of completing one of those classes. | ||
| Yeah, we got to get Bert on the Sober October train this year. | ||
| We can't miss this one. | ||
| He needs to get sober. | ||
| I'm down. | ||
| Because I want to see, I mean, he's so much more of a drunk than he's ever been before. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Wouldn't you agree? | ||
| He's out of control. | ||
| He's out of control. | ||
| What happens is he, you know, it's not unlike, I think, anybody that maybe tours is that His wheels fall off on tour. | ||
| I mean, you know, that happens to a lot of people. | ||
| You get home, you get grounded at home. | ||
| But he tours a lot. | ||
| So what happens is, you know, the party guys on the road, it's going to be a fucking party. | ||
| Yeah, he put a post on Instagram. | ||
| He texted me, too, telling me about it. | ||
| He's like, I'm going to lose weight. | ||
| I'm going to do this. | ||
| I've got my goals. | ||
| And then he goes, but I'm back on the road in two weeks. | ||
| I'm like, bitch, you ain't doing shit. | ||
| I'm getting jacked this month. | ||
| He's going to have one hard workout, and he's going to be really tired, and he's like, I deserve a drink! | ||
| This is a video of him that he put up on his Instagram, and I think it's from him on this podcast, talking about how much he loves drinking. | ||
| I'm never going to quit drinking. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Because I love it. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| I love when someone says, do you want to get mimosas? | ||
| He gives a couple of those speeches. | ||
| I know what it was from. | ||
| It's called the Sunday Podcast. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, that's it. | ||
| Where he does this really... | ||
| Yeah, he's done on this one, too. | ||
| But on that one, yeah, he does it where he feels like a coach. | ||
| Right, right, right. | ||
| Halftime. | ||
| We're going to win this fucking championship? | ||
| He's evangelizing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He does this thing sometimes where he's totally serious, where we'll be together. | ||
| I'm like, how you doing? | ||
| Like, we just first sat down. | ||
| How you doing? | ||
| He's like, good, good. | ||
| Haven't drank in a while. | ||
| Feel good. | ||
| I go, when was the last time you drank? | ||
| He'll go, Tuesday. | ||
| I'm like, that's not that long ago. | ||
| That's two days ago. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I will never quit drinking. | ||
| I will always make sure that I can keep my body healthy enough so that I can always drink. | ||
| I love seeing a sunrise with a cocktail, seeing a sunset with a cocktail, having friends walk into your house with a bottle of wine, getting on a plane. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Can I get you something? | |
| Double Jack on the rocks. | ||
| Lots of rocks. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I love the moment someone says, hey, we should get a drink. | |
| And you're not supposed to. | ||
| That feeling, it's like a first kiss. | ||
| You don't get that first kiss when you're married. | ||
| You get to have those first drinks. | ||
| At a brunch, someone goes, should we do mimosas? | ||
| And then the waiter goes, actually, we have bottomless mimosas. | ||
| And you're like, this is going to be the best day ever. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Dude, you just hype me the fuck up. | |
| You just hype me up, bro. | ||
| Sounds like a locker room speech. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's pretty inspirational. | ||
| I should speak at AA meetings. | ||
| He's crazy. | ||
| But it's also, he's built different. | ||
| He really is. | ||
| Actually, he really is. | ||
| He would be a fucking hell of an athlete if he wasn't a drunk. | ||
| That's the total 100% truth. | ||
| Like when you played him tennis. | ||
| Fucking unbelievable. | ||
| Yes! | ||
| It wasn't even... | ||
| And here's the thing. | ||
| He didn't really prepare for that. | ||
| And he also showed up hungover and with beers on him. | ||
| Like in his hoodie pouch. | ||
| And I was like, are you okay? | ||
| He's looking pretty hungover. | ||
| What it was, too, because he actually has... | ||
| He was a really good baseball player, right? | ||
| He has really good hand-eye coordination. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And that his serve was... | ||
| I'm not joking. | ||
| It was phenomenal. | ||
| Really? | ||
| His serve was phenomenal. | ||
| For somebody that's also not actively playing, and he could do things, like he could do kick serves, and he could put spin on it, and he was serving impressive... | ||
| Impressive for any buddy who plays Tenet, but especially for someone who's not even playing all the time. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That's right. | ||
| Let me see. | ||
| This is like... | ||
| Give me some volume. | ||
| Let me see if he's like... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nope. | |
| Didn't like that one. | ||
| But this is like him still figuring it out, right? | ||
| That's a light. | ||
| That's not an example. | ||
| Did we just start this match off with an ace? | ||
| He gets... | ||
| So much... | ||
| And this is my fucking case, sir. | ||
| Hold on. | ||
|
unidentified
|
This is like... | |
| Okay, this is really bad. | ||
| I can't play tennis at all, so I'm impressed. | ||
| When you see him actually serve next, it's... | ||
| Dude, there's kids around. | ||
|
unidentified
|
This is so, I'm sure, horrific to watch, but... | |
| So bad. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I mean, this is like watching two blind people fuck. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| When he got after it, I guess that didn't have it there. | ||
| But yeah, so anyway, I had a tennis coach there, like a really good player. | ||
| And after the match, he's like, dude, he goes, I'm sorry. | ||
| Because he'd coached me. | ||
| And I go, what? | ||
| He goes, he has a legit D1 college serve. | ||
| And I go, what? | ||
| He goes, yeah, that is fucking really impressive. | ||
| I had no idea he would have that. | ||
| But he does have, he has athletic gifts. | ||
| For sure he does. | ||
| If he wasn't a fat fuck... | ||
| If he wasn't a fat fuck, he'd be a hell of an athlete. | ||
| Actually, you know, the thing that would completely change that guy, it's obvious, but it's his caloric intake, right? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| He's had a surplus every day. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It's surplus food, surplus drink. | ||
| If he was like, if you told him, you have to cut this out, your life's going to die. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| He would fucking look unbelievable. | ||
| Like the weight loss challenge. | ||
| The first Sober October we did was just a weight loss challenge. | ||
| But even that, he did it the Burt way, which is like two weeks out. | ||
| He's like, I'm going to starve myself. | ||
| That's how he did it. | ||
| He didn't do it. | ||
| And did he even starve himself? | ||
| I think he just dehydrated himself. | ||
| Yeah, he dehydrated himself. | ||
| He probably skipped a bunch of meals. | ||
| He has a skinny formula. | ||
| What? | ||
| Yeah, he goes, you want to be skinny? | ||
| I'm like, yeah. | ||
| Because what you do is you drink, you take a Xanax. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| He's like, you sleep, and then you wake up skinny because you haven't eaten in like 15 hours. | ||
| I'm like, yeah, you could just be awake and not eat. | ||
| What a bizarre way of handling it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's just his mind, man. | ||
| Oh, God. | ||
| Thank God he's a comic, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| Imagine if that poor fuck was like some salesman somewhere. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He'd just be hating life, waiting to get drunk. | ||
| Oh, I could see him totally working at a tackle shop, you know? | ||
| Somewhere, like, you need bait, you need some worms here for you, and he would just be tipping one back on the job, and he'd be like, it's fine, he works at a bait shop, you know? | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| Maybe they'd fire him. | ||
| Who knows? | ||
| He'd put the worms where the fucking lures are supposed to be. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| It's just like there's certain people that you can't imagine them being anything other than comics. | ||
| Yeah, for sure. | ||
| He is our John Daly. | ||
| Oh yeah, for sure. | ||
| That's definitely who he is. | ||
| Yeah, that's our John Daly. | ||
| But what I worry is that it's like so attached to his persona. | ||
| Right. | ||
| He has that thing, it's not uncommon where he goes, I don't want to disappoint people. | ||
| They're here to see the machine, they want to have a drink, they want to party with me, and he doesn't want to let them down, you know? | ||
| Well, he'll let them down when he dies. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| That's gonna be a letdown. | ||
| That would suck. | ||
| The thing is, like, you can't live long like that. | ||
| Yeah, I know. | ||
| Nobody lives long like that. | ||
| No. | ||
| You live, but... | ||
| I know. | ||
| You're in a weird race with... | ||
| Obviously, he has great genetics. | ||
| He does. | ||
| He does. | ||
| So, for drinking, his genetics are fantastic. | ||
| Yeah, they really are. | ||
| Because he doesn't... | ||
| Even when he's really drunk, he's pretty fucking coherent. | ||
| There's times where I didn't know, and then all of a sudden it's revealed. | ||
| He's like, I've had... | ||
| 85 drinks. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He's like, I drank these two bottles of whiskey and 45 beers. | ||
| I'm like, what? | ||
| And then I'll be like, oh yeah. | ||
| He's like, check this out. | ||
| And he takes his clothes off. | ||
| I'm like, oh, okay. | ||
| Like now. | ||
| But I didn't know a moment ago when we were talking. | ||
| The wildest shit is watching Shane Gillis. | ||
| I heard about this. | ||
| Shane Gillis and Ari. | ||
| Ari said, I'm going to go beer for beer with you. | ||
| Which is ridiculous. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Shane's a big guy, too. | ||
| He's a big guy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, former football player. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Very tall. | ||
| A lot of mass, right? | ||
| So Shane is handling 15 beers. | ||
| And plus, he had a couple. | ||
| We shotgunned a few, too. | ||
| We shotgunned... | ||
| Did he have like 17? | ||
| So he shotgunned two? | ||
| He was on 18 when Ari was on the ground. | ||
| He said 18. 18 beers. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| And he was fine? | ||
| Oh, funny. | ||
| Funny. | ||
| Fine, funny, great sentences. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Talking shit, having a good time. | ||
| He's got a real capacity. | ||
| Oh, it's superhuman. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And Ari was done. | ||
| Ari was throwing up in a cooler. | ||
| Yeah, I saw the picture of him asleep, his arms folded, like a little baby on the ground. | ||
| Bro, I stayed for hours. | ||
| Because after the podcast is over. | ||
| We're looking, for the people just listening, we're looking at the photo of Muhammad Ali when he knocked out Sonny Liston, but it's Ali standing over Liston, and Ali has Shane's head, and Liston has Ari's body. | ||
| That is so funny. | ||
| Shane's really funny, too. | ||
| His comedy is amazing. | ||
| His stand-up is really, really good. | ||
| It's excellent. | ||
| There's a great crop of upcoming comics right now. | ||
| It's fucking great. | ||
| His special he put out. | ||
| Fantastic. | ||
| I watched that thing fully through laughing the whole time. | ||
| Very, very funny. | ||
| And his new shit is even better. | ||
| And I say the same thing about Brian Simpson. | ||
| Brian Simpson's so funny. | ||
| So funny. | ||
| We worked last night, and last night he had to go on after Duncan, and Duncan Trussell did Little Hobo. | ||
| He brought Little Hobo back. | ||
| If you've never seen Little Hobo, ladies and gentlemen, it's one of the best fucking bits I've ever seen in my life. | ||
| It's a beautiful bit, and I don't want to give away anything about it, but it's about a dummy that his grandfather had, and his grandfather died, and that's the end. | ||
| That's all I'm telling you. | ||
| And it murdered. | ||
| I mean murder, like standing ovation, people going crazy. | ||
| I remember seeing it in LA. It would murder then, too. | ||
| He just started doing it again. | ||
| Him and I had a conversation about it. | ||
| I go, you gotta bring back Little Hobo. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Yeah, because Little Hobo got stolen. | ||
| I didn't know that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Someone stole it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| So he had to buy a new little hobo. | ||
| So he went on eBay and he found a little hobo, like a dummy. | ||
| He's a new resident now. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He lives here now, too. | ||
| Fucking awesome. | ||
| Isn't it crazy? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| We got a great crew here. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Shane's moving here. | ||
| He is? | ||
| He said he's thinking about it. | ||
| I'm going to get him to move here. | ||
| Nice. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We need him. | ||
| That'd be great. | ||
| Fuck yeah. | ||
| When the club opens, we need him 100%. | ||
| How soon till the club? | ||
| We're in construction right now. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Depends on how long it takes for things to get done. | ||
| What are we in? | ||
| July? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Beginning of July? | ||
| Alright. | ||
| Hopefully my goal is to do New Year's there. | ||
| Really? | ||
| That's what I'd like. | ||
| That'd be awesome. | ||
| I would love it if we get done by New Year's. | ||
| Celebrate New Year's Day. | ||
| Even if it's just a party. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| Even if the club's like, we open up January 1st. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| With the club. | ||
| That'd be rad. | ||
| I'd just love to just. | ||
| That'd be rad. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's gonna be so sick. | ||
| I can't wait, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I can't wait. | |
| I can't wait to have a place. | ||
| And for me, like selfishly, it'll be opening as I'm getting off tour, which is ideal. | ||
| And you have a club to go to to work at. | ||
| And for me, it'll be getting open right around the time I release my special. | ||
| Mmm, so it'll be perfect for me because yeah, so it'll be right around the time where my specials released And so I'll have to do new material and it'd be a great place to work out But you know two of my favorite places to work out right now are I love working out at the creek Creek in the cave where I saw Christina run her her set which by the way was Fucking hilarious. | ||
| That's her new stuff, yeah. | ||
| She's funny, dude. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| I haven't seen it. | ||
| I haven't seen it in the news day. | ||
| She's funny. | ||
| Yeah, she's hilarious. | ||
| Her bit about fat models is off the charts. | ||
| It's so funny. | ||
| Got a lot of hate. | ||
| We've been talking about that a lot. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| A lot of hate? | ||
| People are mad? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Fat people. | ||
| Well, yeah, and fat models. | ||
| They all found it. | ||
| I mean, because I know she has her act, but we were also just having conversations on podcasts about it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And, you know, my thing was I go, you know, everybody has a preference for whatever their standard of beauty. | ||
| That part I'm fine with. | ||
| But my case was that when people go, you shouldn't talk about Body types or people's bodies. | ||
| I'm like, what are you talking about? | ||
| What about Bert? | ||
| But what are you talking about? | ||
| Because we all talk about other people's bodies. | ||
| You do it in your head. | ||
| You do it to yourself. | ||
| You say it to yourself. | ||
| You say it to your friends. | ||
| It's part of the way our brains are organized, is that you have a commentary about the attraction level of somebody else. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| I mean, it's always done. | ||
| Even the people who lecture you about it, those people will still If you walked away with one of them and they're like, hey, have you seen so-and-so? | ||
| They're like, yeah, I don't know what's going on. | ||
|
unidentified
|
When she gets over 260, I think she goes too far. | |
| They would still comment about it. | ||
| And it's like now, the funny thing is to me is if you go like, well, I'm a model. | ||
| Okay, so you signed up to have your photo taken because you go, I want my picture out there. | ||
| To show what I am. | ||
| You have to be open to any criticism about it. | ||
| Just like if I sign up to say things, I'm open to the criticism of you commenting on what I say. | ||
| You can tell me I suck and I'm not funny. | ||
| I have to be able to accept that because this is what I signed up for. | ||
| So you signed up to be a model. | ||
| It is open season. | ||
| It is fair game to say whatever about the way you look. | ||
| So I just don't... | ||
| I don't embrace the idea that you can't comment about the way somebody looks. | ||
| Who signed up for, hey, look at my looks? | ||
| 100%. | ||
| Yeah, no ifs, ands, or buts. | ||
| I said much more rude things, I should be clear. | ||
| I wasn't this eloquent about it. | ||
| I was like, you know, I want to see beautiful, by my standards, women, and fuck it, even guys. | ||
| If you're a guy and you're a model, I want you to have almost an unattainable body, because that's a model. | ||
| He's got a six-pack, And he's fucking, you know, beautiful skin. | ||
| And you go like, that guy got the gift. | ||
| Those are his gifts. | ||
| He's genetically gifted to look like that. | ||
| The woman that, like, you know, we grew up with the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue, and you would see just stunning women. | ||
| They're 11 out of 10s. | ||
| You go, I don't even see a woman that looks like this ever, walking around. | ||
| This standard of beauty. | ||
| And that was your introduction to almost fantasy, getting into sex, right? | ||
| Because you're probably a young teen, and you're like, what the fuck is this? | ||
| Like Elle McPherson? | ||
| You're like, I've never seen a woman like this before. | ||
| And then I go, you know, I enjoy that, personally, as the standard of models. | ||
| So for me, I don't know, you have a fucking... | ||
| If you're a model that looks like she's the long snapper for the Colts, I'm going to say, hey, I don't think you're a model. | ||
| I think you should dig ditches or something. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I just feel like it's fair to say that you look like that. | ||
| You're not my kind of model. | ||
| I don't like the way your body looks. | ||
| I mean, it depends on what you're doing. | ||
| The problem is the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue has always been beautiful women with great bodies. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| That's the whole idea behind the swimsuit-ishin edition. | ||
| It's fantasy level. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They're just like, you literally could go to a hundred beaches all over the world. | ||
| You'd never see a woman that looks like this. | ||
| Or you might see one. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| And go, wow, look at her. | ||
| What the fuck is that? | ||
| Like when you go to a beach and there's always a guy on the beach that's just jacked, shredded, and you're like, wow, you prepared for the beach, buddy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Cool. | ||
| Way to go. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You deserve it. | |
| All year was today. | ||
| Yeah, you deserve it. | ||
| As you're walking around, strutting your stuff like a peacock. | ||
| And keep going back and forth. | ||
| Show us how. | ||
| Walk around the pool a few times. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Let it out. | ||
| Let it out, buddy. | ||
| I remember we were in Phoenix once for a show, and we were hanging out at the pool. | ||
| At the W Hotel, and this fucking guy walked by, and he had like 4% body fat, and he was like 250 pounds. | ||
| He was the most ridiculous human being I'd ever seen outside of a gym. | ||
| I was like, dude. | ||
| And I was with Eddie Bravo. | ||
| I go, look at this motherfucker. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I go, that motherfucker looks good. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| You go like... | ||
| He was just like, dang, dang, dang, just shredded everywhere. | ||
| He looked like he was so excited to be at a place where he could take his shirt off. | ||
| Yeah, good for him. | ||
| And the criticism is when you showcase that and celebrate that, that you're endorsing unattainable body types and you're making people feel bad about their body. | ||
| I just don't believe that. | ||
| I just don't believe it. | ||
| I believe that... | ||
| We all have choices. | ||
| And yes, we're all built different. | ||
| We have different genetics. | ||
| But I don't believe that having this incredible freak be the model is negative for society. | ||
| I don't think that that's true. | ||
| It's not negative. | ||
| It puts a lot of pressure on people. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| To try to look better, but so what? | ||
| Yeah, but that's what I'm saying. | ||
| Why is that a problem? | ||
| Well, competition is a part of everything. | ||
| There's intellectual competition. | ||
| When someone achieves a Nobel Prize, is that an unattainable level of intellect that other people can't achieve and you shouldn't flaunt that with awards? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sure. | |
| I mean, what do we do when someone achieves like Jeff Bezos levels of wealth? | ||
| Is that an unattainable version of wealth? | ||
| He shouldn't be allowed to have a yacht that's fucking 60,000 feet high? | ||
| What are we doing? | ||
| There's people that definitely say that. | ||
| Yeah, but why? | ||
| It's like this is the same participation trophy crowd. | ||
| It is. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It bothers me. | ||
| It irritates me that people feel like, you know, Well, you work really hard. | ||
| It's one of the reasons why it bothers you. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because it's like, that applies to a lot of other things, too. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| That applies to wealth. | ||
| You know, when people love to talk about income inequality, which is a real thing, but you know what it's also a real thing? | ||
| Effort inequality. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| There's not equal levels of effort. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| There's a lot of people that are fucking lazy. | ||
| There are a lot. | ||
| Whatever reasons. | ||
| Maybe they have hormonal imbalances and depression and low levels of serotonin and dopamine. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| And to be fair, there's people who work really, really, really hard and barely get by. | ||
| There's tons of people like that, too. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| Because it's a game, and you can't just run full blast. | ||
| Sometimes you've got to juke left and go right, and sometimes you've got to fake. | ||
| You've got to figure out what your strategy is. | ||
| Yeah, it is a game. | ||
| People throw off-speed pitches. | ||
| You've got to figure that out. | ||
| And some people really figure it out, and some people fucking don't. | ||
| And they just wind up busting their ass 12 hours a day, and they're always poor. | ||
| And it sucks, but the game is not set up for everybody to just do the best they can and succeed beyond their wildest dreams. | ||
| That's not how it works. | ||
| You have to think your way through it. | ||
| I got a high school teacher who was kind of a fucking weirdo. | ||
| He was an odd guy, history teacher. | ||
| But one thing that he said, he goes, this world is not set up for hard work. | ||
| He goes, this world is set up for hard thinking. | ||
| He goes, if you think hard and it requires you to work hard as well, that's one thing. | ||
| But just working hard is not enough anymore. | ||
| This is like 1983. Wow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's pretty insightful. | ||
| Yeah, I remember him saying that, hard thinking. | ||
| And I was like, he's right. | ||
| Because you could work hard but go down the wrong path. | ||
| And then you've got to back up and start from scratch. | ||
| And everybody's way ahead of you. | ||
| A lot of people who are incredibly successful who just have minds that are... | ||
| They figure things out. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They just have a higher... | ||
| Their ability to see the things and plan and execute just kind of topples. | ||
| There's people who come up with some business ideas that you're going... | ||
| We're like, how the fuck did you see this? | ||
| And they're in the office like 16 hours a day, and they're sleeping on the couch. | ||
| Like Elon. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Sleeping on the floor of the factory while he's trying to get the production up. | ||
| That's not a normal person. | ||
| No. | ||
| Of course not. | ||
| No. | ||
| He's also very... | ||
| People like that are... | ||
| They're solution-oriented minds. | ||
| They look at the world. | ||
| They go, here's problems. | ||
| How can we solve these problems? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, it's not fair. | ||
| Everybody's mind is different for whatever reason, whether it's a biological issue, it's life experience, a combination of the things. | ||
| There's a lot going on with what makes a person make choices. | ||
| And there's also, like, things that people are happy with. | ||
| Like, I have an uncle who's an artist, and he, like, paints on driftwood and shit. | ||
| Like, he doesn't give a shit about money. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, he's not really interested in money. | ||
| He's never been interested in money. | ||
| I've met people like that, yeah. | ||
| He's just interested in, like, art, and he's, like, really calm, and we, like, talk slow and he's really peaceful. | ||
| I'm kind of envious, in a way, of, you know, like, having the mentality of... | ||
| I'm not motivated by any material things or, like, you know, obtaining more or succeeding in that, where they're fulfilled, where you feel fulfilled just by the art itself, you know? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I guess. | |
| Yeah, I mean, it's not who I am. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm not ashamed of it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's just not who I am. | |
| I need constant stimulation, so I'm not envious of it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Like, my brain just needs stimulation, whether it's documentaries or physical acts or... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I need projects. | ||
| I need things to go out, you know, like write a book. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| And then the book's done. | ||
| You're like, what's next? | ||
| I shot this thing. | ||
| I told you I wrote and shot this, like, basically an episode of my own show. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Because that was like, I need that to feel creatively fulfilled. | ||
| And then there's business attached to it, but it's not in the, you know, I didn't write this to make money. | ||
| It was like, I need a project. | ||
| And then it's like, you're not doing that, work on your hour, get a special, shoot the special, let's work on another one. | ||
| I need that type of thing going. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, you know, one of the things that I really realized while we were doing the Sober October thing is how much you can actually do if you have to do it. | ||
| Like when you have to do X amount of yoga classes in a month, you make sure you do them, and then you realize, I could have always done this. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| But the community pressure helps. | ||
| Oh, 100%. | ||
| That's really the thing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And the goal. | |
| The goal helps, but the competition helps too. | ||
| But one thing I would never do again is the fitness challenge. | ||
| I would never do that again. | ||
| That was too much. | ||
| Yeah, everybody kind of went dark. | ||
| After a while. | ||
| Well, when Bert was talking shit, and I was like, you're going to die. | ||
| I'm going to take you into deep water. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm going to fucking drown you. | |
| You told me that you went dark and started thinking about fights. | ||
| Oh yeah, I started thinking about fighting again. | ||
| Just because of that flip was switched, right? | ||
| Switch was flipped. | ||
| Yeah, the switch was flipped. | ||
| It brought me back to that weird mentality that I had when I was fighting. | ||
| Where it was like you could never do enough, you had to do more, and you had to be thinking about it all the time. | ||
| It became this obsessive competition. | ||
| And then it was also the thing about people with numbers is when you're looking at everyone else's numbers, right? | ||
| Because we were doing this MyZones thing. | ||
| So you have a chest strap heart rate monitor that you're wearing and it attaches to this app, which is a pretty clever app. | ||
| And the app registers 80% of your max heart rate is yellow. | ||
| And then when you get into red, which is 90% of your max heart rate, you're getting like three points. | ||
| Yeah, there's a point system. | ||
| And then green would be like 70. Was it like a minute? | ||
| Three points a minute or something like that? | ||
| Something like that, yeah. | ||
| Something crazy like that. | ||
| And then green is like very easy. | ||
| Yeah, but you only get a point. | ||
| Yeah, you only get a point. | ||
| The sweet spot was getting those two points, I think. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You can try to sustain that. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| That was a sweet point. | ||
| But the thing is seeing other people's scores and knowing that you had to beat their score. | ||
| That's when it gets crazy. | ||
| Yeah, of course. | ||
| I think that's what people get with money. | ||
| That's why those billionaire dudes are always jockeying for position. | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| Yeah, they see those numbers in Forbes and shit. | ||
| My two favorite... | ||
| Stories about that, about being recognized for your wealth are Prince Al-Shawid, I think is his name. | ||
| I might be mispronouncing it. | ||
| My apologies, Prince, Your Highness. | ||
| And Trump. | ||
| They both have, like, really well-documented beefs with Forbes for Forbes under-reporting their wealth, they claim, you know? | ||
| Did you ever hear the recording of when Trump called a reporter and pretended he worked for Trump? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| And was saying that Trump's wealth is far more than it's being reported? | ||
| And he talked about his dating options. | ||
| He's single now. | ||
| He's dating. | ||
| He's got a lot of options. | ||
| He's doing great. | ||
| So obviously him on the phone. | ||
| Yeah, and it's John Barron. | ||
| Yeah, something like that. | ||
| And then he named his most recent son Barron. | ||
| Well, he wants to be a Barron. | ||
| Yeah, he fucking loves that name. | ||
| He's just so transparent. | ||
| That guy is so funny. | ||
| But the conversation on the phone is wild. | ||
| It's so funny. | ||
| And then, you know, they played that for him in an interview. | ||
| For him? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What did he say? | ||
| Not me. | ||
| That's the way he handles shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wasn't there, didn't do it, wouldn't do it, don't need to. | |
| By the way, that guy's right. | ||
| I'd like to hire that guy. | ||
| The prince ended up suing Forbes. | ||
| First, he sent the next year a leather-bound custom attaché with all his reported holdings, and he's like, this is my actual wealth. | ||
| And Forbes went through it, and they go, no, it's not. | ||
| I mean, they were saying, for instance, you're worth $12 billion, you're saying $20 billion. | ||
| And we don't see it. | ||
| We checked it out. | ||
| He was furious. | ||
| Furious! | ||
| How wild. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm gonna sue you. | ||
| That's wild. | ||
| Donald Trump uses the pseudonym John Barron throughout the 1980s. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I hope this plays it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't... | |
| Yeah, let's see. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay, what's your first name, David? | |
| John. | ||
| Back in the 1980s, this John Barron guy was one of his publicists. | ||
| He was the go-to guy to get, you know, Trump goods. | ||
| Let me tell you what the deal is, just so you understand. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| And he would say, well, you know, I'm just calling for Donald and I need to tell you this story. | ||
| And I'd like to talk to you off the record if I can, just to make your thing easier. | ||
| Okay, sure. | ||
| Is that all right? | ||
| Yeah, that's fine. | ||
| But they were always him. | ||
| It was Donald Trump. | ||
| That's so funny. | ||
| He's hilarious, dude. | ||
| He doesn't give a fuck. | ||
| There's almost a part of you that goes, it's just hilarious when someone doesn't give a fuck that much. | ||
| If he wasn't an existential threat to democracy, and the power that he wields over his minions wasn't just so disturbing, it would be hilarious. | ||
| If he wasn't in line for president, if he was just a baller, Remember when he was in all the rap videos or rap songs? | ||
| They were always referencing Trump. | ||
| He was the man. | ||
| When I was a kid, he was just a symbol of wealth. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Right? | ||
| So yeah, he would be in movies, he'd do cameos. | ||
| He was in Home Alone. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They cut him out. | ||
| They cut him out of the new version? | ||
| They cut him out of the old version. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Stop. | |
| Yes, in Canada. | ||
| In Canada when they play Home Alone, Trump is no longer in Home Alone. | ||
| This is hilarious. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Canada is communist. | ||
| Canada's crazy. | ||
| They're fucked. | ||
| They're fucked. | ||
| They gotta get rid of that guy. | ||
| How much time does he have? | ||
| I feel like he's been Prime Minister for a while. | ||
| Am I wrong? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't know how their system works up there. | ||
| I have zero understanding of their system. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| I never looked into it at all. | ||
| I just, I didn't even, I liked him. | ||
| I liked him before the pandemic. | ||
| Trudeau? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I was like, he's a handsome guy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Seems sweet. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know? | ||
| It's like, good-looking guy, confident, good talker. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then during the pandemic, I'm like, oh, you're a fucking dictator. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, you don't like criticism. | ||
| You're trying to shut down criticism by saying that all your critics are misogynists and racists? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You hear who he said that about the trucking people, the truckers? | ||
| He called them? | ||
| Called them all misogynists and racists. | ||
| Poof. | ||
| Yeah, he's gross. | ||
| He's a sketchy guy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And he's got some fucking shaky deals. | ||
| I would like to see where the money is coming from. | ||
| Why do you want everybody to get injected every four months? | ||
| They don't need that anymore. | ||
| What are we doing? | ||
| What are you doing? | ||
| You can't even get into Canada unless you're vaccinated. | ||
| Can't get in? | ||
| No! | ||
| Make sure that's true. | ||
| Because someone just told me, Whitney just told me, she had to show her fucking vaccination card to get into Canada. | ||
| That seems like it adds up. | ||
| It's old. | ||
| It's 2022. It's not... | ||
| 2019. You know where it still feels, because I think things sway there so aggressively when something happens, where it feels like, wait, what time is it right now? | ||
| It's in New York. | ||
| I was just in New York. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Everywhere. | ||
| Everyone was masked up everywhere. | ||
| I was like, what's going on? | ||
| Why is everyone still masked up? | ||
| They're scared. | ||
| We live here. | ||
| It's a different place. | ||
| Everybody here said, well, I hope I don't get sick. | ||
| Take care of yourself. | ||
| Do your best. | ||
| Get medicine if you get sick. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But New York is... | ||
| It was strange. | ||
| I was there two weeks ago. | ||
| It's bizarre. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's very bizarre. | ||
| It's very bizarre. | ||
| They still wear masks indoors. | ||
| Fucking Ali Wong was wearing a mask at your party. | ||
| I kept talking to her and giving her shit. | ||
| She would take the mask off to say something louder and then she'd put it back on. | ||
| You really think that's working? | ||
| She goes, I don't want to talk about it. | ||
| She's great. | ||
| I love her. | ||
| Border restrictions to enter Canada extend until at least September 30th. | ||
| Yeah, September 30th. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Fuck out of here. | ||
| Listen, man. | ||
| If there wasn't money involved in this, if this was just a public health decision, I would be way less cynical. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But there's a lot of money involved in this. | ||
| There's a lot of shady deals with pharmaceutical companies. | ||
| Pharmaceutical companies are responsible for 75% of all advertisements on television. | ||
| That's a really astonishing number. | ||
| It's astonishing. | ||
| This is one of two countries in the world that even allow pharmaceutical companies to advertise on television. | ||
| Goddamn. | ||
| The other one is New Zealand, but New Zealand has far more restrictive laws. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We are buck wild captured by an industry that makes great drugs. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Some of the stuff they make is all... | ||
| I'm not anti-pharmaceuticals. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sure. | |
| Life-saving. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| All of it. | ||
| There's a lot of great stuff. | ||
| Life-saving, life-enhancing, but it's a corporation. | ||
| And corporations, they revolve around mass amounts of money. | ||
| They want to make more money every quarter. | ||
| It's a constant, endless growth cycle. | ||
| And they just had their biggest fucking years ever. | ||
| The last two years of pumping out vaccines were their biggest fucking moneymakers ever. | ||
| And... | ||
| They have no liability, which is really wild. | ||
| Like, all the other stuff, like Vioxx, which wound up killing 60,000 people, and they had all this fucking data that showed that it was bad for you. | ||
| And they still... | ||
| I had... | ||
| What was his name? | ||
| John Abramson on the podcast who litigated against the pharmaceutical companies for that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And he got the internal memos where they were saying there's all these issues, blood clotting, cardiovascular issues, but he goes, which is unfortunate, but we will do well with this. | ||
| Meaning we will do well financially. | ||
| Oh, right. | ||
| So they're going to release it knowing that all these people are going to have all these problems. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And people are just fucking stroking out left and right. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, what is the revenue on a Merck or Pfizer yearly? | ||
| It's got to be astonishing numbers. | ||
| What he said about, I'm going to maybe fuck these up, but it's roughly in the neighborhood of these numbers. | ||
| With this Vioxx thing, they made $12 billion, and then they were fined $5 billion. | ||
| So they killed 60,000 people, and they were fined $5 billion, but they profited all the rest. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| They profited more than they were fined. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So they made $7 billion. | ||
| They're like, yeah, but it should be $12. | ||
| So... | ||
| Yeah, we got robbed. | ||
| We got robbed. | ||
| They took our money. | ||
| That's really crazy. | ||
| We need more money. | ||
| That's really crazy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's crazy. | |
| But that's how those corporations exist. | ||
| Brigham used to be a pharmaceutical rep. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You ever want to get cynical about pharmaceutical drug companies? | ||
| Talk to Brigham. | ||
| Well, it really reminds me, when you talk about the mentality, it really is like drug dealer mentality. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| You know? | ||
| It is, but it's sanctioned. | ||
| Heroin and coke dealers would be like, yeah, people died, but I made a fucking fortune. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, don't take as much. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What are you doing? | ||
| What are you doing? | ||
| Why are you getting so high? | ||
| But with the Vioxx, it wasn't even that. | ||
| It was just people taking the normal dose. | ||
| And killing them. | ||
| Stroking out. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's not good, man. | ||
| It's not good. | ||
| But the thing is, it's like, there's a long history of them doing that in this country. | ||
| So to give them, these companies that have had the worst records as far as knowing that things were bad, releasing them anyway, and then getting fined for them, like... | ||
| Pfizer got... | ||
| Was that the biggest fine ever in the history of medical fines for pharmaceutical companies? | ||
| I mean, they've been fined billions and billions of dollars. | ||
| And everybody's like, yeah, but so what? | ||
| They don't do that anymore. | ||
| They're good now. | ||
| Same fucking people. | ||
| Well, think about what that lobbying group is like. | ||
| Like the Pfizer-Merck lobbyists. | ||
| The Pfizer one was for a criminal fine, whereas the other ones are like settlements or... | ||
| Okay, so GlaxoSmithKline, $3 billion settlement, the largest Civil False Claims Act settlement on record, and Pfizer's $2.3 billion, $3.5 billion in 2022 settlement, included a record-breaking $1.3 billion criminal fine. | ||
| But the fines for Vioxx were larger than that, so how does that work? | ||
| What was the amount of fine for Vioxx? | ||
| List of the largest pharmaceutical settlements. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| Sharing Plow. | ||
| Settlement, $345 million. | ||
| And that was Medicare fraud and kickbacks. | ||
| And that was for Claritin. | ||
| No shit. | ||
| Claritin? | ||
| Claritin. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's a lot of dirty finds, man. | ||
| There's a lot. | ||
| Vioxx. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Let's see what Vioxx got fined. | ||
| Huh. | ||
| I'm off the promotion of Vioxx. | ||
| It says 950 million. | ||
| But I think they got, it was more than that. | ||
| Maybe there's other shit. | ||
| Maybe there's more than one ruling about it because so many people died. | ||
| Goddamn. | ||
| Yeah, it's spooky stuff because, you know, on one hand, you need pharmaceutical drugs. | ||
| Like, they're really good for certain ailments and illnesses, and they save people's lives, like some of them. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But they're just trying to make money. | ||
| They are, of course. | ||
| Yeah, you can get away with... | ||
| And the thing is, if something does produce a lot of money, you'll always be able to keep making it. | ||
| You know, that industry will not die if it's a massive producer of revenue. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You should read, if you really want to get grossed out, read The Real Anthony Fauci. | ||
| The Real Anthony Fauci? | ||
| It's called The Real Anthony Fauci by Robert Kennedy Jr. Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It details all of his involvement in AZT with the HIV crisis in the 80s. | ||
| Sure, in the 80s, yeah. | ||
| AZT was killing people way quicker than AIDS was. | ||
| They were using it as a chemotherapy drug before that. | ||
| They shelved it because it was just killing people. | ||
| It destroys DNA. He was pushing it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah! | |
| And they were giving people in the trials, they were giving people blood transfusions. | ||
| The people in the trials that got ACT, they got six times more blood transfusions than the people that were in the control. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| The whole thing is, the book is wild. | ||
| Would you podcast with him? | ||
| It's super political. | ||
| I would endorse reading the book. | ||
| I don't know what criticisms of the book exist. | ||
| I would have to read the criticisms of the book. | ||
| There's a lot with things Yeah. | ||
| Because obviously it's outside of my area of expertise. | ||
| But you'd sit with him though? | ||
| Would you talk with him on a podcast? | ||
| I would think about it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's very hard to listen to. | ||
| He really, ironically, maybe not ironically, but he has a really fucked up voice because he was injured by a vaccine. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, he took a vaccine and he had a very bad reaction to the vaccine. | ||
| And it affected his voice. | ||
| It fucked his, did something to his vocal cords. | ||
| I didn't know that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's why he talks. | ||
| Have you ever heard him talk? | ||
| Yeah, I guess it didn't register as that strange of a voice to me. | ||
| I've heard him speak before. | ||
| He's a very rough voice. | ||
| He struggles with words. | ||
| I saw him. | ||
| He was getting into it with, what's it called? | ||
| Paul, the Kentucky senator. | ||
| Rand Paul? | ||
| I think so. | ||
| I think they were going at it. | ||
| Robert Kennedy Jr. and Rand Paul? | ||
| You sure? | ||
| Wasn't Fauci and Rand Paul? | ||
| No, it's Fauci and Ron Paul. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Were you saying would I have Fauci on? | ||
| Yeah, Fauci was talking about. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| If you wanted to come in for three hours? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Fuck yeah. | ||
| That's what I was talking about. | ||
| Fuck yeah, come on in, little fella. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Come have a seat. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| He's sick again with COVID. Fauci is. | ||
| Right now? | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Yeah, he's having what's called Pax Levid rebound. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hmm. | |
| Fauci says he's taking second course of Paxilvid after experiencing rebound with the antiviral treatment. | ||
| Fauci said that when he first tested positive, he had very minimal symptoms. | ||
| So he had minimal symptoms, he took Paxilvid, he tested negative, and then it came back. | ||
| And then COVID came back harder. | ||
| So now he's experiencing much worse symptoms. | ||
| So it's like a second round that he's getting, or is it that it kind of suppressed it for a moment and then it just came back? | ||
| I really don't know. | ||
| I mean, he's old too. | ||
| He's 81. Is he 81? | ||
| Oh yeah, he is 81. Do you think Pax Levit is legit or no? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I mean, it's an antiviral. | ||
| I mean, I don't know. | ||
| Tested negative for three consecutive days. | ||
| He decided to take one more test. | ||
| What I'd like to know is, is he taking IV vitamins? | ||
| Because IV vitamins are fucking fantastic for it. | ||
| That's what I gave my parents when my parents had it. | ||
| I got my parents on IV vitamins and monoclonal antibodies. | ||
| That stuff is super effective. | ||
| That's what saved Trump. | ||
| I mean, you've got to remember, Trump is fat and old. | ||
| And four days after it, he was campaigning and fucking waving at people. | ||
| Four days. | ||
| That's pretty impressive. | ||
| That's when I lost all my fear of the disease. | ||
| I was like, I just need to get what that guy got. | ||
| I'm fucking good. | ||
| He's eating KFC every day and shit. | ||
| That guy hasn't run in 25 years. | ||
| He thinks of his body like a battery, and he thinks that you exercise, you lose energy. | ||
| One thing that is incredible about that guy is that, you know, I'm saying even when you watch him as president, he was full of fucking energy. | ||
| Full of it. | ||
| Every day. | ||
| And they say he slept like four hours a night as one of those people. | ||
| He's on Adderall. | ||
|
unidentified
|
God. | |
| Do you think he's on Adderall? | ||
| Yes, I do. | ||
| Only because there were multiple people who used to work on The Apprentice that were like, he was fucking gassed up for shoots. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, because he has trouble reading. | ||
| He would struggle to read prompter or script when he was just, let's say, sober. | ||
| So they would give him that and he would... | ||
| Dial in more on reading. | ||
| He gets very bored, they said. | ||
| He would get bored at the CIA briefing in the mornings. | ||
| He was like, I don't want to read that. | ||
| There's a daily briefing you get as president. | ||
| He's like, you fucking read it. | ||
| And then tell me. | ||
| So they would have to make it more engaging for him. | ||
| I heard that they would put his name in briefings multiple times to keep him interested. | ||
| And then Kushner, his son-in-law, said that he came up with a formula To keep him engaged. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Kushner did? | |
| Yes, because he obviously was close to him and knew him well, and the formula was two good, one bad. | ||
| So if they were going to give him bad news, they could go, you start with some good news. | ||
| So they go, this is going well. | ||
| Everybody's thrilled with you about this. | ||
| Here's a bad thing. | ||
| Also, people love you for this. | ||
| So that's how they would tell him bad news. | ||
| They couldn't just go, here's a bunch of bad news. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| He's a man-baby. | ||
| He's a fucking toddler. | ||
| Yeah, he's a toddler. | ||
| That's exactly how I talk to my kids about shit. | ||
| We played the video yesterday of Kanye sitting in the White House talking to him, just ranting about stuff, about other galaxies and alternative universes. | ||
| And Trump's like... | ||
| Yeah, he's like, how about this guy? | ||
|
unidentified
|
This guy's great. | |
| I don't know what the fuck he's saying. | ||
| But he's just letting him rant, too. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Well, his whole thing, it was very simple, too. | ||
| He goes, do you like me? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Then I like you. | |
| That was it. | ||
| That was the standard. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's fucking hilarious. | ||
| It is hilarious. | ||
| Dana White, who I love. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's really good friends with him. | ||
| Yeah, he likes him a lot. | ||
| It's a very, very funny relationship. | ||
| But Trump came to one of the UFCs. | ||
| I was at that one. | ||
| Yeah, you were there. | ||
| He came over and shook my hand. | ||
| Was that Vegas? | ||
| I believe it was New York, wasn't it? | ||
| No. | ||
| No. | ||
| I don't know where it was. | ||
| Maybe it was Vegas. | ||
| Was it? | ||
| It was Vegas, because I remember... | ||
| No, it was Madison Square Garden. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Was it? | |
| He came to one in Madison Square Garden, because I remember he was there, and the security was off the charts. | ||
| It was hard to get into the building. | ||
| No, he came to a different one. | ||
| He came to two. | ||
| One, you were there. | ||
| That was Vegas. | ||
| I didn't meet him that time. | ||
| That was when he was president. | ||
| The other one was after he was president. | ||
| The one that I met him, the one I was at, was... | ||
| There he is, T-Mobile Arena, Vegas, you were right. | ||
| That's Vegas, yes. | ||
| See that one, you're right, that one he came and, there's Masvidal, Masvidal likes him too. | ||
| I remember this. | ||
| That's right, he came and sat down and everybody cheered him. | ||
| I remember Las Vegas Metro Police back in the tunnel, where I normally, if I went with you to one of these, You know, they're just like, yeah, go where you want, you know? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| And they were like, where the fuck do you think you're going? | ||
| I was like, I'm going over here. | ||
| And they're like, no, you're not. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Hilarious. | ||
| Is that a Melania stand-in? | ||
| That's his gumod. | ||
| Who's that? | ||
| That's his gumod. | ||
| Oh, my goodness. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Oh, no, that's that dude's wife. | ||
| Listen, that's what you think. | ||
| The guy. | ||
| I don't like how she's smiling in the back. | ||
| Old guy. | ||
| She seems a little happy to be there. | ||
| Maybe that's his. | ||
| That is... | ||
| Fucking side piece. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Side piece. | |
| Get a nice side piece. | ||
| Gotta have a little piece on the side. | ||
| Some guys have a side piece. | ||
| Fucking... | ||
| If you're in a casino, you do. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I can't keep my main piece happy. | ||
| How do you keep a side piece happy? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| I mean, it's hard. | ||
| Your main piece seems pretty happy to me. | ||
| She's very happy. | ||
| I can't keep her happy. | ||
| I shouldn't say that. | ||
| She's great. | ||
| But what I can say is, like, it's a lot of effort and engaging. | ||
| It's like, I'm very happy. | ||
| She's great. | ||
| My wife's great. | ||
| But I mean, I couldn't imagine being one of those guys that has, like, side wives. | ||
| But this world is a different world. | ||
| Well, that world, they want side worlds. | ||
| They want side girls. | ||
| And a lot of these guys, like super billionaire characters like him, they have a whole separate world. | ||
| Like that girl's set up in a mansion somewhere. | ||
| That woman, that beautiful woman that was walking in, is with that older guy behind her. | ||
| Oh, you know that? | ||
| He's a billionaire casino owner. | ||
| Nice. | ||
| Yeah, the guy with the glasses. | ||
| Let me see him again. | ||
| Let me see him again. | ||
| Because I like when a really old, fucked up looking guy can get a fucking nice one. | ||
| That guy is a billionaire. | ||
| He's a billionaire. | ||
|
unidentified
|
A nice one. | |
| For sure. | ||
| Nice. | ||
| I forget his name. | ||
| I think Silk or something. | ||
| I like it when those relationships... | ||
| That guy with the glasses. | ||
| He's like 85. Perfect. | ||
| And that's his wife walking in front of him? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| She's trying to get closer to Trump. | ||
| That's him. | ||
| That's what I think. | ||
| She's like, look, she's many steps ahead. | ||
| That guy is a billionaire. | ||
| Where are you going? | ||
| But that's part of the thing. | ||
| Guys like that are very rarely single and not interested in women. | ||
| It's like part of the whole thing is they're conquerors. | ||
| They want to conquer business. | ||
| They want to take over this. | ||
| They want the biggest yacht. | ||
| And they want hot broads. | ||
| And they want everybody to see them. | ||
| Look at that one. | ||
| That's mine. | ||
| Look at them tits. | ||
| Look at them tits. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I suck on them. | |
| And it has a shelf life. | ||
| This is not forever. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| It's always about, like, this was a fun run. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You hit 40. 40. Jesus Christ. | ||
| 33. 33. There he is. | ||
| Trump's best friend, billionaire casino mogul Phil Ruffin, shares a hidden jackpot. | ||
| Sees a hidden jackpot in the pandemic. | ||
| Ah, look at him. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Smiley. | ||
| I like to shoot loads. | ||
| You want a meme? | ||
| Take that picture. | ||
| Let me see that picture again. | ||
| There he is. | ||
| And just write under it, I like to shoot loads. | ||
| I think that's going to happen now. | ||
| I think you're going to get your wish. | ||
| That's what he likes. | ||
| Look at me. | ||
| I got a fucking casino. | ||
| I got my own jets. | ||
| I got jets. | ||
| Not one jet. | ||
| I got the big jet. | ||
| I got the little jet. | ||
| Have you ever stayed at the Trump Hotel in Vegas? | ||
| I have not. | ||
| I'm tempted to. | ||
| Just to see what's up? | ||
| Just to see what's up. | ||
| I'm going to go in there with a MAGA hat on, see what the fuck is going on. | ||
| Because I never know who's staying there. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Who's staying there, you know? | ||
| No, it's... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I mean, she's probably got... | ||
| Because a lot of it is licensing, too. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look at that. | |
| Look at that. | ||
| There you go. | ||
| She's happy. | ||
| Alexandra represented Ukraine in the 2004... | ||
| Do you feel like everyone stopped just talking about this war now? | ||
| It's still actively going on. | ||
| It's still actively going on, yeah. | ||
| Ukraine makes some hot fucking broads. | ||
| They sure do. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'll tell you that. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| When I was a young man, I dated a gal that was from Ukraine, and she was fucking wild. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| Wild. | ||
| A little scary. | ||
| A little scary. | ||
| Was she a little scary? | ||
| A little scary. | ||
| Yeah, a little scary. | ||
| Like, she would get angry out of nowhere, and I was like, hey, hey, hey, where's this coming from? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| I'm sorry. | ||
| Yeah, I'm sorry. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I just, sometimes they don't see you, and I think, maybe you fuck other girls, and they want to kill you. | |
| Like, oh, okay. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| She was probably a good time. | ||
| There's a disproportionate amount of very pretty girls from Russia for some strange reason. | ||
| Yeah, I mean... | ||
| Great genes. | ||
| Czech Republic. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Hungary. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Slovenia. | ||
| That whole Eastern Bloc. | ||
| Do you know Eric Anders from the UFC? I doubt. | ||
| He's a top flight middleweight dude. | ||
| He was a really fun guy. | ||
| He was here the other day, but he's talking about going over there to that part of the world. | ||
| And no one was smiling. | ||
| He opened up doors for people, and they're looking at him like, what the fuck are you doing? | ||
| No one was happy. | ||
| He said, I didn't see anybody smiling. | ||
| And he was like, what is the courting routines like over here? | ||
| How do you meet somebody? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sure. | |
| How do you show your personality, your charm? | ||
| Is there any of that? | ||
| Like, what do they do? | ||
| I remember when I met Christina's mother-in-law, who's Hungarian, she was like, smiling, you look like a clown. | ||
| I was like, oh. | ||
| I am a clown. | ||
| Clowns smile. | ||
| I'm like, okay. | ||
| Oh boy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Very like... | ||
| Hard. | ||
| Hard, yeah. | ||
| Well, you'll see too, I mean, like Putin, for years, if it's a, you know, a pose, something for the press, you don't go like that because they'll be like, why are you being all goofy? | ||
| That's the Russian mentality. | ||
| Are you a goofy fucking guy? | ||
| You're a powerful guy. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So you have a stoic. | ||
| You're a no-bullshit guy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No bullshit. | ||
| I mean, every pose is very, you know, no expression. | ||
| Can you imagine trying to do stand-up in Russia? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oof. | |
| Yeah, I know. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Think all the jokes you've told about presidents and politicians. | ||
| Also, if you said something that just bothered the state, and they're like, we want to talk to you for a second. | ||
| Isn't it ironic that Edward Snowden exposes the United States, exposes this deep, underlying surveillance system that is essentially monitoring everybody and violating all of our constitutional rights. | ||
| And he gets kicked out of the country and he goes to Russia. | ||
| And Russia takes him in. | ||
| Celebrates him, yeah, of course. | ||
| He's happy over there. | ||
| Fine in Russia. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But that's, of course, deliberate on their part, to be like, we took your... | ||
| Clearly. | ||
| But still, wild. | ||
| Because he went from one... | ||
| The way they treated him, the way they treat him, the way they treat Julian Assange, you could absolutely make the argument that this is an authoritarian state. | ||
| And he leaves here to a far worse one. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And there he's protected. | ||
| How about Brittany Griner? | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| Isn't that insane? | ||
| We just talked about that yesterday, too. | ||
| That poor woman? | ||
| She's there for another six months before her trial. | ||
| Because, you know, all those court rulings, it's all a charade, you know? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's just done to... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| They want exchange for this arms dealer. | ||
| They have this arms dealer who's famous for just like, what do you need? | ||
| You need nooks? | ||
| I get your nooks. | ||
| It's no problem. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's crazy. | |
| Have you ever seen Operation Odessa? | ||
| That was a documentary on Netflix? | ||
| I feel like I did start that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Dude. | |
| Really? | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| And then in it, there's this one guy. | ||
| They're drug smugglers. | ||
| This one guy wants to get a submarine, and he's talking to the guy selling them the submarine, and the guy says, do you need nukes? | ||
| He offers them nuclear missiles to go with the submarine. | ||
| Do you want chips with that? | ||
| Do you want guacamole? | ||
| Sure. | ||
| Do you want a nuclear weapon? | ||
| It's a great documentary because it almost seems like it's fake, but everything in it is documented. | ||
| These are real people. | ||
| I'm reading that headline that says, you know, selling a sub to a coke dealer, and you know, that's a big thing now with the cartels. | ||
| Cokes. | ||
| Yeah, subs. | ||
| They bring in tons of coke and subs. | ||
| You ever see the Coast Guard pull those guys over? | ||
| No. | ||
| They jump on top of the fucking submarine and they're banging on the hatch. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Scary shit. | ||
| It's wild. | ||
| I mean, imagine what you're thinking. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| These guys, they get to the sub, they jump off, they find their sub there, they jump off, and they fucking land on it, and they start banging on the submarine. | ||
| Like, look how crazy these guys are. | ||
| That is crazy, because you know it's nothing but machine guns down there, too. | ||
| Look at them, banging on it. | ||
| Meanwhile, these guys are hopped up on steroids in America. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They got red, white, and blue flowing through their fucking veins. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Woo! | |
| Let's go! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look at that. | |
| He's opening up, guns blazing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Get out. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| At that point, you should really open up the hatch and get the fuck out of there. | ||
| You got a lot of problems up top. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You got a lot of problems. | ||
| Not good. | ||
| Not good. | ||
| Because they might just start shooting holes in that thing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They shoot holes in that thing. | ||
| You're going under, son. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| That's got to be so fucking terrifying. | ||
| Imagine being underwater in a fucking tube. | ||
| Knowing what you're doing, too. | ||
| Knowing that you're trafficking coke. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| But how much is anytime being underwater in a sub? | ||
| Well, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Of course. | |
| There's no windows. | ||
| No. | ||
| And they're also... | ||
| Have you ever taken a tour of a sub? | ||
| They're so much smaller than you think. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, that one was pretty fucking small. | ||
| Right, but I've been on a tour of one where even when you go, hey, we're going from this area to that area, the door frame used to go sideways. | ||
| They're small. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| That's not a big thing. | ||
| That submarine is pretty fucking small. | ||
| That is a small one. | ||
| Do you think those guys pinch a little of that Coke? | ||
| Just give me a little taste for the boys. | ||
| We're gonna have a we caught the coke dealer party. | ||
| These are just giant bundles of coke. | ||
| I know. | ||
| And every time they pull it up, the fucking sub goes higher. | ||
| And you know the cartel guys are like, good. | ||
| Then now they're distracted by they think this is a big win. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Now send the big sub. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| The big sub's underneath them right now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's got $500 million of coke on it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Unreal. | ||
| Our appetite for Coke is off the charts. | ||
| Cartel got into avocado business. | ||
| You know about that? | ||
| What? | ||
| Because the avocado started to... | ||
| The price of it started to go up, and the cartels just took over some avocado farms. | ||
| They're like, we're doing this now, too. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Mexican drug cartels are getting into the avocado and lime business. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| As soon as that price went up, they're like, this is a pretty good business to be in, too. | ||
| Well, we fucked up. | ||
| We fucked up by not seeing this coming because the same thing happened during Prohibition with alcohol, and that led to the rise of the Italian mafia taking over organized crime in America. | ||
| I mean, that was Al Capone and all those people. | ||
| They came up during Prohibition. | ||
| Whenever you have something that's of high demand but it's illegal, the people that sell it are criminals. | ||
| And so they make a lot of money, and they don't have to pay taxes on it because it's not real. | ||
| And they're criminals. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And especially if they're in Mexico, they ain't paying shit. | ||
| Mexico, the cartels are so sad. | ||
| Remember when they got El Chapo's son? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| They got his son. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| The police did. | ||
| The police did. | ||
| And the cartel came with tanks and anti-aircraft weapons and rocket launchers. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And the government was like, take them back. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yep. | |
| Because they were coming at him like, this is war now. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They were terrified. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| The cartel has way more money than the government. | ||
| And way more weapons than there. | ||
| And they'll do things the government won't, like kill your whole family. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| In front of you. | ||
| Stab notes into them. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Fucking wild. | ||
| It's wild. | ||
| And it's right there, dude. | ||
| You could drive from San Diego. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee. | |
| You could walk over. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's so close. | |
| It's so close. | ||
| You could swim over. | ||
| You could just swim around that little barrier. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I mean, the barrier between the United States and Mexico at the water is hilarious. | ||
| Have you ever seen it? | ||
| Mm-mm. | ||
| It's a goofy little fence about the size of your book. | ||
| That, like, sticks out into the water, and all you have to do is go around it. | ||
| And then you're in. | ||
| And you're in. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| All you have to do is, like, have scuba gear, get in the water, swim around over here, start walking. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| It's the nuttiest shit ever. | ||
| See if you can find the fence at the beach. | ||
| Oh, that's it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's it? | |
| That's it. | ||
| That's real. | ||
| That's real. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look at the wall. | |
| And no one's, like, posted up there? | ||
| Look at how fucking goofy that is. | ||
| So that is, the other side there is, that's Mexico. | ||
| That's where they have bullfights. | ||
| They have a bullfight thing right there. | ||
| Is that Tijuana? | ||
| This is hilarious. | ||
| It's hilarious, dude. | ||
| You could literally go like, I'm now in Mexico. | ||
| Eddie Bravo was talking, he and I were hanging out the other day, and he was telling me about, we have a good friend, Ed Clay, that I've known for a long time. | ||
| Ed Clay runs a stem cell clinic in Tijuana. | ||
| And he's like, the area of Tijuana, you would think you're in LA. He goes, that's really nice. | ||
| He's like, there's nice parts of Tijuana and there's terrible parts of Tijuana. | ||
| And you go down there and they can juice you up with ungodly amounts of stem cells. | ||
| They can do all kinds of wild shit down there that they're not allowed to do in America. | ||
| They can take stem cells and multiply them, and then they're giving you IV stem cells. | ||
| But so many people that I've known that have gone down there have had incredible results, including Eric Anders, who was here the other day, that I was telling you about. | ||
| He went down there for stuff with his neck, and he's like, his neck was fucked. | ||
| He goes, now my neck is great. | ||
| It moves good. | ||
| But he got real high dosage stuff. | ||
| Yeah, and they're going into the discs. | ||
| They're just... | ||
| He said it felt like this. | ||
| It was like... | ||
| Like his neck extended. | ||
| One dead, 13 rescued in large-scale attempt to swim around the US-Mexico border fence. | ||
| Huh? | ||
| What? | ||
| Oh, you've got fat people that were drunk. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's not that easy. | |
| 70 migrants were in the water trying to swim to Border Field State Park in San Diego. | ||
| Listen, I can do that. | ||
| I will guarantee you I can swim around that. | ||
| I'm not the best swimmer. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I can fucking swim around that. | ||
| Yeah, I think I can swim around that. | ||
| If people are dying swimming around that, they should have prepared. | ||
| They probably don't swim. | ||
| They probably don't swim at all. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They probably don't swim at all. | |
| It was nighttime when they did it, obviously. | ||
| There's also nothing, nothing like... | ||
| Even if you've, like, I swam my whole life, you know? | ||
| I mean, not like an active swimmer, but I mean, always, you know, I was a little kid on the swim team and, you know, always in pools swimming. | ||
| There's nothing that quite prepares you for what ocean swimming is like, unless you've been accustomed to it. | ||
| It's a different animal. | ||
| It is so much scarier. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And if there's a real, like, waves, like a real tide coming in, like, it is... | ||
| The most panic I've ever felt, I think, is twice in the ocean. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Once, I didn't realize I was in Maui, and I rented a car, and we drove to a beach, I forget where, and when I got there, it was, you know, there was no one on this beach. | ||
| Oh, this looks fucking rad. | ||
| And the shore was, like, at a decline. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Like, into the water. | ||
| Oh, so a heavy undertow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I go, I'm just gonna go in. | ||
| And it started to pull me back, you know? | ||
| And I was like, I just felt that panic where you go, like, don't panic too hard. | ||
| You're trying to keep yourself calm. | ||
| And I was able to, I wasn't too far out where I was able to get my footing, swim, and then like power through it and get out. | ||
| And I was like, holy shit, that was terrifying. | ||
| And when I get back to the hotel is when I talked to one of the staff and I was like, yeah, you know, I got in the water there and they're like, you got in the water there? | ||
| I go, yeah. | ||
| They go, oh yeah, you'll drown there. | ||
| No one's supposed to swim there. | ||
| I go, yeah, there's nobody there. | ||
| They're like, yeah, because you'll drown. | ||
| You'll die there. | ||
| How about a sign? | ||
| Yeah, nothing. | ||
| Nothing about that. | ||
| And once was in Florida where I got caught in a, what is it, a riptide or a current that was just pulling me back. | ||
| And I remember, you know, there were other people in other parts of the water, but I kept going back. | ||
| And I remember seeing a lifeguard. | ||
| He was up in the thing and he came down. | ||
| And he started to walk towards me and I was going back further. | ||
| And I remember being like, you gotta be shitting me. | ||
| And I kept swimming, swimming, and then I just go like, okay, don't resist here. | ||
| So I let it take me a little bit. | ||
| I think I just kind of got out of it. | ||
| And again, I got footing and I was just powering as hard as I could to get out. | ||
| And he gave me, he goes, like, thumbs up. | ||
| And I go, I waited a second, and I gave him a thumbs up, and then I got out. | ||
| And I was, like, almost hyperventilating. | ||
| I was like, he goes, yeah, you got caught. | ||
| He goes, it kind of freaked me out. | ||
| I go, I was a second from waving you in. | ||
| Fitzsimmons saved a woman's life on vacation. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yep. | ||
| He was on vacation. | ||
| And he noticed this woman was caught in the tide and she was swimming and he noticed that no one was noticing it. | ||
| And he's like, oh my god. | ||
| And he had a split second decision that he had to make because Greg's not the biggest guy in the world and people do drown when you're trying to rescue them. | ||
| Totally. | ||
| They drown rescuing people. | ||
| And so he's there with his fucking family and he's like, fuck it, I can't just watch this. | ||
| And he jumps in the water and he saves this girl's life. | ||
| In the ocean. | ||
| Yep, in the ocean. | ||
| I saw my dad save someone's life on vacation when I was like eight years old. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| We went on a... | ||
| He just took me a father-son trip. | ||
| We went to a hotel. | ||
| It was like Orlando. | ||
| And it had a water slide. | ||
| But I still remember, even before this happened, that the water that pushed you off the slide was high-powered. | ||
| You know? | ||
| So when you got to the bottom of it, it buried you. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| You know? | ||
| And as a little kid, I was like, holy shit, that's so strong. | ||
| And, you know, I think I did it maybe twice, and I was kind of scared to do it again because it just kept pushing. | ||
| It pushed you too hard into the water. | ||
| And I was standing around the pool, and then I saw my dad dive in. | ||
| He saw that there was a woman just at the bottom of the pool. | ||
| Stuck. | ||
| Just laying. | ||
| I think she was... | ||
| Oh, she went out. | ||
| She went out. | ||
| Did you see that girl went out swimming the other day in a swim meet? | ||
| No! | ||
| In the middle of a swim meet, she blacks out, and the swim coach dives into rescue her. | ||
| Holy shit! | ||
| Yeah, there's a video of it. | ||
| Dude, I saw my dad pull this girl out of the water. | ||
| Oh, Jesus. | ||
| Was she unconscious? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Did he know CPR? No, somebody else jumped in for that, but he pulled her out, and then she would contact for years, like send cards and all this stuff. | ||
| That's cool. | ||
| This was at a swim meet, though? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, look at her. | ||
| Holy shit! | ||
| That's the coach, obviously. | ||
| So she's in, I mean, crazy. | ||
| She's in the middle of swimming, and so much effort she blacks out. | ||
| Oh yeah, I see USA stuff. | ||
| Which is crazy because she's an elite athlete. | ||
| She's elite, yeah. | ||
| Like nobody more comfortable in a pool. | ||
| Right, look at that. | ||
| She's out cold. | ||
| That's so crazy. | ||
| But the thing is, when you are at that level, you are pushing yourself so fucking hard. | ||
| You are giving everything you have. | ||
| And these swimmers are such savages. | ||
| Savages! | ||
| Savages. | ||
| Thank God the fucking swim, whatever it is, the governing body is no longer allowing trans women to compete against biological women. | ||
| Is that ruled on now? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| The governing body of swimming? | ||
| Whatever the body is, find out what the ruling is, but you have to have transitioned before you were 12. So you have no hormones that are- Oh, I got you. | ||
| You didn't go through puberty. | ||
| Which is fair. | ||
| It's basically a Leah Thomas ruling, right? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Or anybody like her. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But I mean, it's because that became such a huge topic. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And should be. | ||
| It's fucking crazy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| She was 462 as a male and number one as a woman. | ||
| First it was a rugby union, now it's a swimming. | ||
| June 19th, the Federation International FINA, swimming's global governing body, ruled that transgender women, i.e. | ||
| biological males who consider themselves women, would not be allowed to compete in women's elite races if they've gone through male puberty. | ||
| Great. | ||
| Two days later, International Rugby League said it would not allow transgender women to play in the international rugby game. | ||
| Because there's a woman that plays in Australia, that's a trans woman, that's 240 pounds. | ||
| And built like the Hulk. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And just running people over. | ||
| Fucking people over. | ||
| You know what's funny is that people, their reaction to criticizing that, it's almost like they think because you're critical of that that you're not empathetic in any way or compassionate in any way. | ||
| And I think it's almost like they need to hear you state that, of course, you're... | ||
| Yes, it's real. | ||
| That's real. | ||
| That's real? | ||
| Yeah, that's him. | ||
| Her. | ||
| They. | ||
| Them. | ||
| Whatever. | ||
| It's insane. | ||
| It's a huge person. | ||
| I think it's just like you're not rational. | ||
| That's not rational at all. | ||
| But the fact that you can be labeled as transphobic because you say that a 21-year-old who transitions from man to woman I mean, I get the criticism where they go, what do you want this woman to do? | ||
| She's a woman now, and so wants to compete. | ||
| And I understand that point of view, but it is totally logical. | ||
| To say all these physical, biological advantages that you have as a man should not just be transplanted into the female competition. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| Have you ever seen the conversation that I had with Adam Conover? | ||
| Do you know who he is? | ||
| I guess he's kind of a comic. | ||
| I've never seen him do stand-up, but I guess he does stand-up. | ||
| I remember this. | ||
| Adam Ruins Everything? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| I remember that he came on and he was just like, of course, right? | ||
| Yes, they should. | ||
| It is watching someone who has almost a religious belief, like a wild, crazy religious belief get confronted by scientific facts and objective reality. | ||
| And still doesn't. | ||
| And he's just stammering and falling apart and trying to hold on to his woke ideology. | ||
| I mean, it's wild. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's just because he's a nice guy. | ||
| It's just because he's like a very sensitive, very progressive guy, but also captivated by woke ideology. | ||
| But I don't see how somebody... | ||
| I mean, how do you look at that... | ||
| And not think women are getting fucked. | ||
| Yeah, that's what I'm saying. | ||
| How do you see that and go like, well, that's just... | ||
| You don't see the huge, the crazy advantage that a... | ||
| I mean, look, he was 462, which is... | ||
| He's an elite male swimmer. | ||
| Yeah, number 462 in the country. | ||
| You're elite, though. | ||
| You're beating the fuck out of... | ||
| Regular guys. | ||
| 99.999. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Definitely better than us. | ||
| Fuck yeah. | ||
| And then you just transition and you go, like, that makes sense? | ||
| Or in rugby? | ||
| Right. | ||
| Doesn't make any sense. | ||
| You're just going to absolutely decapitate somebody. | ||
| Yeah, or in MMA. None of those things make sense. | ||
| No. | ||
| It's so silly that this is a... | ||
| An argument. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Well, it shows you how crazy this ideology is. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, whatever you want to call it, whether you want to call it woke ideology, progressive ideology, there's an insanity to it. | ||
| Because it doesn't have anything to do with objective reality. | ||
| And there's a lot of feminist women, like my friend Megan Murphy, who fucking push back against it hard. | ||
| Because she's saying, these are not women, and you're treating them like women, and they're dominating women's spaces, and they're doing it like men. | ||
| She's like, you want to call yourself a this or a that, or you want to identify as a that or this? | ||
| That's great. | ||
| That's great. | ||
| Yeah, I agree. | ||
| You are 100% within your rights to do that. | ||
| There's a giant difference between doing that and then claiming that you can compete as a woman. | ||
| It's fucking insane. | ||
| It's madness. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's madness. | ||
| Again, if you got into sprinting, high jump, any of those things where there's a huge male advantage. | ||
| The bike rider. | ||
| Do you know about the competition bike rider that dominates? | ||
| Like a cyclist? | ||
| Yeah, a cyclist, male cyclist, a biological male cyclist that competes as a woman, crushes everybody. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, same thing. | ||
| Here's the deal. | ||
| If you took a woman and you told that woman that she had to compete against a woman who's been doing steroids her whole life, but just stopped doing steroids, you'd be like, well, that's not fair. | ||
| Of course not. | ||
| Well, that's the same thing as being a man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You're going through a life of puberty and a life of testosterone that's far elevated in comparison to a biological woman. | ||
| And then you look at the thresholds of what's allowed. | ||
| This is where Derek from More Plates, More Dates comes into play. | ||
| Have you ever seen that YouTube channel, More Plates, More Dates? | ||
| It's really good, but he's great at covering hormones and things along those lines and performance-enhancing drugs. | ||
| But he's essentially broken down what the threshold is for allowable testosterone for a trans woman, and it's far beyond what a normal biological woman has. | ||
| So even competing as a trans woman, like saying you're a woman, I identify as a woman, you have way more testosterone, or you potentially could have way more testosterone. | ||
| And it'd be allowed, permitted. | ||
| And it's allowed. | ||
| Yeah, so that ruling makes sense is that you haven't gone through puberty yet. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| And then, you know, there's the other thing is like, there's a story in Texas where Texas, if you are a biological female, you must compete against biological females. | ||
| Well, there was a trans boy who was taking male hormones and wrestling against girls. | ||
| So she was born a woman, right? | ||
| Biological girl, transition, becomes a boy. | ||
| She now identifies as a boy. | ||
| Taking testosterone. | ||
| Right. | ||
| For the transition. | ||
| For the transition. | ||
| And ragdolling women. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because you're wrestling against women that don't have testosterone. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We're going to look back on this time if there is history, if there is a moment. | ||
| I think our history is going to be sorting through rubble going, what were they doing? | ||
| I think that's what it's going to be. | ||
| That's what I think. | ||
| I have a feeling. | ||
| We've got a few years left. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| We might have a hundred. | ||
| Who knows? | ||
| But whenever it goes down, it's going to go down hard. | ||
| And I think it could go down in multiple fronts. | ||
| It could go down because of our own folly. | ||
| It could go down because of war. | ||
| It could go down because of natural disasters. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It could go down. | ||
| There's a lot of threats right now. | ||
| There's a lot of threats. | ||
| Natural disasters, I think, are probably the most likely scenario in terms of asteroid impacts and super volcanoes and shit along those lines. | ||
| Climate falling apart. | ||
| I'm not that concerned about that. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Not that it's not going to fuck everything up, because I think it is, but I'm not concerned about that being the end of the human race. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| I think the climate is just going to force people to move to different areas, and if the sea level does rise, it's going to fuck up the people that bought houses in Malibu. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And Miami and all that shit. | ||
| But I think our real scary stuff is impacts. | ||
| Because that's just... | ||
| There's a... | ||
| They just showed an impact on the moon, right? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| A rocket. | ||
| A rocket. | ||
| Somebody's rocket. | ||
| That no one's claimed? | ||
| No one's claimed. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's strange. | |
| Go to that article. | ||
| Yeah, a rocket... | ||
| A fucking rocket, dude. | ||
| Yeah, someone shot a rocket to the moon. | ||
| How is there no... | ||
| Didn't tell anybody. | ||
| How can you not trace that in some way? | ||
| They spotted a rocket impact site on the moon. | ||
| Well, there's other articles that are not the NASA site. | ||
| Go to whose rocket landed on the moon. | ||
| They found two new craters. | ||
| Mystery rocket impacts moon. | ||
| Go to that one. | ||
| I don't understand, though. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They don't know what the fuck happened. | ||
| They're like, hey, who did that? | ||
| Whose rocket was it? | ||
| Also, when did the rocket hit? | ||
| And it left an interesting double crater. | ||
| So it says, late in 2021, astronomers spotted what turned out to be a spent rocket body hurtling towards Earth's moon. | ||
| And now NASA's Lunar Reconnaissance Orbiter, which has been photographing the moon since 2009, has seen the rocket's crash site. | ||
| But the origin of the rocket is still a mystery. | ||
| Isn't that wild? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| In 2021, someone could shoot a rocket to the moon and no one even knows. | ||
| No one knows? | ||
| And the crater is a mystery, too. | ||
| Why is it double? | ||
| Because it turns out the strange double crater, the size, the site of the crash itself, might help to identify which rocket it was that crashed. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Huh. | |
| Look at the size of it, too, the crater. | ||
| If you scroll down, though, it gives you those measurements right there. | ||
| It says there's two craters, an 18-meter diameter, about 19.5 yards, superimposed on a western crater, 16-meter diameter, about 17.5 yards. | ||
| I mean, imagine a rocket like that hitting the Earth. | ||
| That's just a rocket. | ||
| I mean, obviously, a meteor would be, like, way, way worse. | ||
| That's not that big. | ||
| 17 yards is not that big. | ||
| I mean, I'm thinking of just, like, 20 yards on a field. | ||
| Yeah, but if something has the amount of energy to slam into a planet, to leave one planet and slam into another one, kind of amazing that it only has a 20-yard crater. | ||
| Yeah, I guess so. | ||
| So there's the images. | ||
| So they're trying to unmask the owners of the body. | ||
| First they thought it was a SpaceX vehicle. | ||
| Ah, Elon did it. | ||
| But eventually they decided, oh, it must be part of a Chinese. | ||
| That makes the most sense. | ||
| Chinese government denied ownership. | ||
| We didn't do anything. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, sure. | |
| Okay, this is solved. | ||
| Oh, did they ban TikTok today? | ||
| China did? | ||
| The FCC is urging Apple and Google to pull TikTok. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Today, yes. | ||
| Yeah, find that. | ||
| Unless they sent a letter by July 8th. | ||
| Unless TikTok sends a letter saying, we promise we're going to stop stealing your data. | ||
| No more thumbprints, no more facial scans. | ||
| We promise. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| Yeah, listen, Trump was talking about this a long time ago. | ||
| He's saying we should ban TikTok. | ||
| I remember. | ||
| And so TikTok said, we're going to have an American TikTok and a Chinese TikTok, and we won't fuck with it. | ||
| But it turns out, the American TikTok gets all of its data from the Chinese TikTok. | ||
| So TikTok sends the data to China first, and then China goes, we'll be right back after we get your credit card information. | ||
| And then they send it over. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah, it's like he was right with the Huawei thing when they banned Huawei. | ||
| A lot of people are like, hey, why are they banning Huawei? | ||
| And then when I talked to Mike Baker, the guy from the CIA, he's like, listen, that is a fucking corrupt company that 100% is doing the most invasive searches on people's phones and scooping up data at unprecedented levels. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| They back-engineered the TikTok app and they said it's the biggest violator of privacy they've ever found. | ||
| FCC commissioner calls on Apple and Google to remove TikTok from their app stores. | ||
| This is wild shit, dude. | ||
| This is wild. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| A member of the Federal Communications Commission is renewing calls for Apple and Google to remove TikTok from their app store, citing national security concerns surrounding TikTok's Chinese-based parent company, ByteDance. | ||
| I like ByteDance. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What a great name. | |
| It is great. | ||
| June 24, CEO of Apple and Google, FCC Commissioner Brendan Carr, Described ByteDance as beholden to the Chinese government and required by law to comply with Chinese government surveillance demands. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| Do you also, though, do you feel like that it's almost not worth resisting some of these things? | ||
| Like how big surveillance is from tech that you realize you can do what you think you can to avoid giving out your information, but you know that your information... | ||
| Is out there, right? | ||
| Somebody has collected it. | ||
| There's a difference between Google collecting it, which is not ideal, and the Chinese government collecting it. | ||
| Oh, I 100% agree. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The national security concern aspect of it is, first of all, if your kid is on TikTok, then maybe it has some sort of an ability to track phones that are in the area. | ||
| Maybe it's scooping data off of phones that are close by. | ||
| Maybe it's scooping Maybe it's recognizing financial transactions that you're also making on the same phone. | ||
| Maybe it's recognizing very important geolocations of important people. | ||
| Who the fuck knows what it can do and what they can't do? | ||
| But see if you can Google back engineers TikTok and finds privacy issues. | ||
| You know, China slides under the radar to so many, like, civilian people, and then you talk to anybody in intelligence, and they're like, that is our greatest adversary by far. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| By far. | ||
| They're scary. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They have a massive economy. | ||
| They have a full connection to all businesses. | ||
| So the government is in complete control of all businesses. | ||
| There is no business that operates without the control of the Chinese government. | ||
| The governments don't go... | ||
| In America, Apple can go, Biden's an idiot, and this country's fucked, and we're doing a terrible job, and we need to shut the fuck up. | ||
| They don't do that shit there. | ||
| You'll disappear. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They took that Jack Ma guy that's the head of Alibaba, which is their version of... | ||
| Super wealthy, multi-billionaire. | ||
| He vanished for four months. | ||
| When he came back, he's like, everything is great. | ||
| I love the government. | ||
| Remember the tennis player? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| She was like, oh, I was assaulted by a high-ranking person in the People's Republic, whatever, the party of the Chinese government, and then disappeared. | ||
| And she's like, I didn't mean it. | ||
| Thumbs up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, it's harder to just straight up disappear people now because they've killed a few billionaires or put them in, you know, who knows what they're doing. | ||
| They probably just have them in a jail system and they just fuck them every day. | ||
| Today I fuck you again! | ||
| People, because of that system, it's different, the loyalty to the state of Chinese, even citizens, is different, you know? | ||
| Well, they get fucking scared. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| Well, you remember when fucking, what's his face, John Cena was apologizing. | ||
| I'm so sorry, China. | ||
| I respect China so, so much. | ||
| He did it in Mandarin? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, speaks in Mandarin, which is wild. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| But he was apologizing. | ||
| I made a mistake. | ||
| I was very tired. | ||
| I made a big mistake. | ||
| I respect China so much. | ||
| In that business, they think about that box office. | ||
| That's a serious box office over there. | ||
| But meanwhile, Top Gun said, fuck you, and they had a Chinese flag on Tom Cruise's back, and they pulled it from, but still killing it. | ||
| Same thing with Spider-Man. | ||
| They're realizing now, you know, like, it's not worth it. | ||
| And also people are aware that you're a cuck. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| What does it say? | ||
| Claims this guy made two years ago on a Reddit post, and they were disputed, sort of, but not in a really good way that I could find just now. | ||
| Okay, so let me see the headline. | ||
| It says, guy who reverse engineered TikTok reveals the scary things he learned, advises people to stay away from it. | ||
| Facebook got itself into sensitive data scandal when it, you know, my youngest was today. | ||
| She has a friend over at her house and they were laughing and giggling. | ||
| I go, what are you guys doing? | ||
| We're making the craziest TikTok. | ||
| Like, kids are fucking addicted to TikTok. | ||
| But the TikTok in America and the TikTok in China for kids is very different. | ||
| Do you know about that? | ||
| No. | ||
| In China, you can't use it after 10 p.m. | ||
| Kids, they're not allowed on it after 10 p.m. | ||
| It shuts down? | ||
| It shuts down. | ||
| And TikTok highlights scientific achievements, athletic endeavors, all sorts of different things that did show powerful, accomplishment-driven activities. | ||
| In America, it's like crazy gender stuff and dance moves. | ||
| It's somebody pulling their tooth out in the kitchen with pliers, and they're like, Exactly. | ||
| It's like they're trying to turn people into dullards and as many as they can into idiots. | ||
| And they're going to get a lot of us. | ||
| They're going to get a lot of people. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| That's the way they're going to win. | ||
| The way China and Russia, the way they're going to subvert Americans is through making us idiots. | ||
| Yeah, I think it's working. | ||
| We're fucking dumb as shit here. | ||
| People don't care about education or anything. | ||
| I mean, it's such a minority that really is driven for that. | ||
| But there's obviously a hunger for it, right? | ||
| Because the hunger for podcasts... | ||
| I mean, obviously a lot of podcasts are just nonsense conversations, but some of the podcasts that I've had talking to scientists have, you know, fucking 30, 40 million views. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Like, why is that? | ||
| It's because there are people out there that are fascinated with interesting things. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| But that is not being shown to them in most media. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's hard to get. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And, like, deep conversations with people that have- That are brilliant people. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's enough people out. | ||
| I mean, we're still human beings. | ||
| Human beings are still curious creatures. | ||
| We're still fascinated by different things and fascinated by complicated ideas. | ||
| But it is so unique to be able to see a conversation with a scientist or a professor that's really accomplished, really brilliant mind. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's really, I mean, outside of podcasts, where are you going to see that person speak uninterrupted about something that you're curious about? | ||
| It never existed before. | ||
| It never existed before. | ||
| And what's really fascinating is that, you know, for me, is that I'm the one who's doing it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's what's bizarre. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because I'm an idiot and I'm a cage fighting commentator, which is a very strange combination of things to be doing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| But you have that curiosity, too. | ||
| But I think there's a lot of people that have that. | ||
| This is what I'm saying. | ||
| There's a lot of people that aren't intellectuals, but they aren't represented. | ||
| Their ideas and curiosity is not represented by mainstream offerings. | ||
| So when podcasts come along, like if you wanted to bring podcasts mainstream like 20 years ago, you said, I got this idea. | ||
| They'd be like, what are you talking about? | ||
| Who the fuck wants to listen to two idiots talk shit and smoke cigars for three hours? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Nobody. | ||
| Nobody. | ||
| And then all of a sudden it comes out and you realize this is exactly what people want. | ||
| There's a lot of that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But there's also, one of the things that podcasting did was it provided an avenue of entertainment for people that are also doing other things. | ||
| Like if you're doing boring labor all day- I get those messages all the time. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| People are like, dude, you fucking saved my life. | ||
| I had to drive to Ontario. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So many times, UPS, FedEx, USPS drivers, I stopped all the time. | ||
| People working, they're like, I'm in a warehouse, just driving this fucking forklift around or whatever, and they're like, I just got to listen to something. | ||
| And hearing a conversation, at times you want that more than, sometimes you want music, but sometimes you want to hear a conversation. | ||
| I love conversations. | ||
| I'm a giant consumer of podcasts as well as a listener. | ||
| But I don't, I mean, my consumption is very varied, too. | ||
| Like, I'll listen to, like, yours, I'll listen to comedy podcasts, and then I'll listen to, like, bowhunting podcasts, then I'll listen to MMA podcasts. | ||
| What's the one I just listened to that was interesting? | ||
| Let's see if I still have it. | ||
| I haven't listened to Radiolab in a long time, but that used to be one of my go-to ones. | ||
| That was one of the first times that I ever realized that some people involved in this gender stuff are completely insane. | ||
| Because there's this one person that, they were calling themselves gender fluid, and they would go back and forth from being a male to a female throughout the day. | ||
| Like, they would just decide, oh, I'm Tom now. | ||
| Oh, now I'm back to being Sally. | ||
| And they were treating it like it's totally normal. | ||
| Like, oh, I get it, Sally. | ||
| No, actually, I'm Tom now. | ||
| Oh, okay, Tom. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| You know, like, wait a minute. | ||
| You don't get to be two different people. | ||
| This is, you're literally bipolar. | ||
| Like, you have personality disorder. | ||
| You have, something's wrong with you. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| This gender thing, though, but if you say you're two different, I'm Mike, now I'm Steve, people are like, oh, you're crazy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But if you say, I'm Sally, and now I'm Tom, they go, oh, you, yeah, it's totally normal. | ||
| It's fluid. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And the person, like, clearly had issues. | ||
| Like, you listen, and they're, like, overly emotional about shit that didn't make sense, and they weren't speaking rationally. | ||
| Like, this is a person who's struggling with the fabric of reality itself. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then we, um... | ||
| Dismiss it all, because it's a gender thing. | ||
| Like, oh, it's fine. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Whereas, I don't know, it feels like not long ago even, everybody would be like, the fuck are you talking about? | ||
| Exactly! | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| I wonder how we bounce back from that, because a lot of kids are growing up with this in their head. | ||
| And this is not a slight on transgender people, because I think they legitimately are, and I've met them. | ||
| There's a lot of people that legitimately are in the wrong body. | ||
| And I couldn't imagine what that's like. | ||
| But that's not what I'm saying. | ||
| What I'm saying is it also opens the door to people that are completely insane. | ||
| Yeah, that's part of... | ||
| It's like when you overcorrect, you know? | ||
| You overcompensate for something and it leaves the ability... | ||
| You have the option now... | ||
| Because there's legitimacy to it to bring in the other people. | ||
| So you're going to have people that are legitimately like this and people who are just playing in that same group and they're actually not what they're saying they are. | ||
| But when do we bounce back? | ||
| Like, how do we bounce back to a state of normalcy where we accept people that are transgender people, but we also leave the door open to people that have, like, legitimate mental illness that use, whether it's being transgender or gender fluid or anything else, as an excuse to, like, get extra attention and to make it all about them and, you know, to, like, a form of narcissism, a form of psychotic behavior. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because a lot of them, like, they decide they're women and they just start attacking other women and getting very aggressive. | ||
| I think the only thing we can do is call that out. | ||
| That's the only thing that can make this feel grounded and real, is that you have to acknowledge when something is standing out as this bullshit, you know? | ||
| This is a crazy person. | ||
| Or a hot war. | ||
| A hot war? | ||
| A nice hot war. | ||
| A real hot war would drop all that bullshit. | ||
| Nobody give a fuck about gender ideology if rockets start launching. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| Yeah, like a gender war? | ||
| No, no, no, no. | ||
| I don't mean a gender war. | ||
| That war would end quick. | ||
| Yeah, it sure would. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| No, I mean a hot war like a war with Russia. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Where you have real problems. | ||
| Well, yeah, because it does feel like some of these issues that are highly debated in progressive circles today, you go, yeah, you know where they don't really bring this up is Eastern Africa. | ||
| When there's a war zone or a famine or rockets are blowing up schools and hospitals, that shit quiets down real quick. | ||
| Real quick. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, first world problems. | ||
| It's interesting, though. | ||
| It's like we're sorting out all sorts of different things. | ||
| And then in the meantime, while this is happening, male sperm counts are dropping at record levels. | ||
| Balls are shrinking. | ||
| It's amazing how many people are scared to say things. | ||
| So many people are so scared. | ||
| They should be scared. | ||
| They get fired. | ||
| Yeah, they get fired. | ||
| But even, you know, like we know people in, I mean, some of them in comedy, but definitely in entertainment who are just, fuck, you see how terrified they are. | ||
| They're just terrified to say any, they're scared to have like a, just to speak a rational thought. | ||
| Because they're just like, you know, the fans are going to go against me. | ||
| I'll never get hired again. | ||
| They just, they operate in a different world. | ||
| Than podcasters and comedians do. | ||
| Yeah, we're the last front line of free speech in that regard. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| In that we can't get fired. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know? | ||
| I mean, you see, you know, employees in these companies just, like, try to bully their way through things. | ||
| And then people speak in hushed tones quietly. | ||
| You know, they get together and, like, someone will say something about gender and everybody will laugh. | ||
| Schools, too, by the way. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| I have teacher friends, you know, that are like, and they're like, oh, my God, you should see what the shit we have to deal with at school. | ||
| school and they just kind of nod and you know there's other they have colleagues other teachers who will openly weep in a teacher meeting about one of these issues and they're like jesus christ so they just have to keep their mouth shut if they if they say anything they'll just be labeled right you know and maybe cast fascist yeah have you seen the documentary what is a woman No. | ||
| I haven't either. | ||
| But I keep seeing clips and they're fucking wild. | ||
| It's Matt Walsh from the Daily Wire. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And he made this film, What is a Woman? | ||
| And it has a 97% score on Rotten Tomatoes. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And only has four critical reviews. | ||
| Critics. | ||
| I mean, I mean, I'm not, I mean critical. | ||
| I mean critics. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Critics reviewing it. | ||
| Oh, like no one will. | ||
| Everything is, 97% is all by just regular viewers. | ||
| Right. | ||
| The people that are like professional journalists that are supposed to be reviewing these things. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Won't watch it. | |
| Only four. | ||
| And one of them was Matt Taibbi. | ||
| So Matt Taibbi wasn't I mean, he disagreed with some of it. | ||
| He wasn't necessarily critical of it, but he was critical of some aspects of it. | ||
| But he just watched it and reviewed it for what it is and was just attacked for even engaging with what this film is. | ||
| But this guy, Matt Walsh, the way he did it was very clever. | ||
| He didn't get in arguments with people. | ||
| He just asked them questions. | ||
| He just got the most rabid of these gender ideologues and he asked them all kinds of questions like, what is a woman? | ||
| How do you define a woman? | ||
| How do you know? | ||
| And then he let them talk their crazy and then put it all together in a documentary. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And that was really like his only thing is what is a woman? | ||
| That's what he's trying to say. | ||
| How can someone become a woman? | ||
| But along the way, there's like wild shit going on now where kids identify as cats. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| And they want to meow in class. | ||
| Stop. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, it's real. | ||
| In some places that are more open-minded. | ||
| And people go, oh, that's not everywhere. | ||
| Well, this is what we were saying about all this gender stuff four or five years ago. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And now it's everywhere. | ||
| They want to meow? | ||
| They want to meow. | ||
| They identify as animals. | ||
| But I mean, what age are we talking about? | ||
| 14? | ||
| Fourteen? | ||
| I thought you were going to say like three. | ||
| No. | ||
| Because that's what my three-year-old does. | ||
| But that's just for fun. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| But you don't allow that to happen in class. | ||
| Billy, stop meowing and answer the question. | ||
| You know, who was the first president of the United States? | ||
| Meow! | ||
| Meow! | ||
| I can't tell a lie. | ||
| Meow! | ||
| No, you have to say it's fucking George Washington. | ||
| And the teacher has to respect this choice. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Or they get fired. | ||
| I mean, they're barely getting by anyway. | ||
| Nobody has less power to quit their job and to tell people what they really think than teachers. | ||
| Oh, my teacher friends say the same thing, yeah. | ||
| It's a terrible place to be. | ||
| They're like, I just like what I do, but it's an insane world. | ||
| And it's not what they signed up for. | ||
| No, it's not. | ||
| When they were in high school and they were in college, they're like, I think I'll be an educator. | ||
| And then they get to this place, they're like, oh my god, I'm in a cult. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then any even just a hint of, I would even call it pushback, even questioning some of this. | ||
| They are then faced with, you're endangering these kids. | ||
| You're scaring them. | ||
| You might cause a kid to kill them. | ||
| They'll say wild shit to them. | ||
| That's the wild one that people always like to say. | ||
| They like to say, you're putting people in danger by criticizing them. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's what they'll say, too, about if you endorse the traditional beauty standard for a model, you're putting kids in danger right now because they're going to try to attain that. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| That is such a wild assertion. | ||
| It is. | ||
| Because that censors so much thought and debate about complex and complicated issues where people disagree. | ||
| And all you have to do is conflate that with you doing a terrible thing that could literally get someone killed. | ||
| And you can get away with it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wild. | |
| Wild. | ||
| Wild fucking times, man. | ||
| Wild times. | ||
| Because these are supposed to be the people that you rely on that are professional educators that are also professional thinkers, right? | ||
| They're supposed to be the people that are spending time thinking things through more than anybody. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| And then they're expressing those thoughts supposedly in a very well sorted out way. | ||
| Like they have the objective reality. | ||
| They have the stranglehold on it. | ||
| And that's why they're teachers. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's not really true. | ||
| No. | ||
| They're kind of fucked and captured. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think it's really, in this country, a pretty thankless job, too. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| People are like, why aren't you doing better? | ||
| It's almost like that's a good way to keep people stupid. | ||
| Pay teachers the least amount possible. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And the only people that get really good teachers are people that put their kids in private schools. | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| And so you get the elite, where their kids get smarter, and everybody else is kind of stuck to try to figure it out on their own. | ||
|
unidentified
|
True. | |
| The only saving grace is that if someone does decide to seek it, you can get a pretty fucking substantial education online. | ||
| You can. | ||
| Now you can. | ||
| I mean, you can. | ||
| You can really educate yourself on anything now, which is really fascinating. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| You can definitely get a broad education. | ||
| I wonder if I would have been a better student if I were a student now. | ||
| I wouldn't have been. | ||
| I would have been sending dick pics and been on TikTok all day. | ||
| Maybe, yeah. | ||
| I don't know why I'm fantasizing. | ||
| If I had a phone at 15, you know how many dick pics of mine would be out there? | ||
| Also, it just would have been... | ||
| It would have been shut down so many times with pornography infections. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| I would have been filming everything. | ||
| Street fights, car accidents. | ||
| What type of film? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Kids. | ||
| The things they watch. | ||
| It was hard to watch porn when I was a kid. | ||
| Yeah, it was a real challenge. | ||
| I would jerk off at Spice Channel, scrambled. | ||
| I saw a tip. | ||
| Spice Channel. | ||
| Because it would just come in for a second. | ||
| And you're like... | ||
| Yeah, people don't remember that, like, there was B-sex movies. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There were, like, softcore porn movies. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, Emmanuel Goes to Paris. | ||
| You remember those? | ||
| Cinemax. | ||
| Yes! | ||
| They would call it Skinemax. | ||
| Skinemax, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, and you would watch these terrible movies where a girl would, like, eventually take her clothes off. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And they would have... | ||
| Simulated sex where you could tell while the guy was humping her that his dick was like a foot away from her vagina. | ||
| It was like way back there. | ||
| It didn't make sense the way they would line up. | ||
| Her legs were like where his chest is. | ||
| But Spice would have real sex. | ||
| That was pay-per-view. | ||
| So I remember we would go to sleepovers across the street when I was like in, I don't know, fifth grade. | ||
| And we'd sit there and try to see. | ||
| And then one time the dad had bought Spice. | ||
| So when we put it on, it was actually on. | ||
| And it was just like masturbation factory in sleeping bags. | ||
| Everyone's doing it quietly. | ||
| You feel like shaking on the floor, but no one wanted to look at each other. | ||
| We're all like, oh my God. | ||
| We're 10 and 11 years old. | ||
| Beat off the Spice Channel. | ||
| Oh my god, yeah. | ||
| Or you'd get tapes passed down, or you'd find a tape stash. | ||
| Oh yeah. | ||
| Magazines, yeah. | ||
| It was a whole thing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It is too accessible. | ||
| That is true. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| And especially for the developing mind. | ||
| The fact that you're just presented with that, because it was a discovery when we were kids. | ||
| Well, you had to seek it out originally. | ||
| Like, think about it in the early days. | ||
| You had to go to a fucking theater. | ||
| Yeah, right before, yes. | ||
| The only way you could see people fuck was go to a theater, and you had to like, look ahead, look ahead! | ||
| Everyone looked straight ahead, and then there was weirdos with raincoats on, jacking off into raincoats. | ||
| How are you going to be in that theater and not want to jack off? | ||
| If you're watching that, I mean... | ||
| Well, it's probably so crazy, too, because there was no porn back then, and now you look at porn, it's 12 feet tall. | ||
| That's got to be nuts. | ||
| Whoa! | ||
| Do you remember American Werewolf in London? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| One of the scenes in American Werewolf in London, the final scene, he turns into a werewolf in the middle of a porn theater. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| So he's in the middle of a porn theater where he visits his dead friend. | ||
| Because his friend kept coming back from the dead to tell him, hey man, you gotta kill yourself. | ||
| You're a werewolf. | ||
| You're killing people. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You don't remember that? | ||
| I don't remember that, no. | ||
| Google that scene. | ||
| It's a great scene. | ||
| Because these people... | ||
| Because this is what... | ||
| Go a little bit before that, though. | ||
| Because... | ||
| So this is the girly movie theater. | ||
| Uh-huh. | ||
| And so he's inside this theater with his butt. | ||
| This is it, because this is after it already had turned into a werewolf. | ||
| She's the lady that works there, and she's screaming at these cops that there's a monster in there, and they're telling her she's crazy. | ||
| And so this guy goes in there. | ||
| So you hear the porn's playing? | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, right there. | |
| Yeah, right there. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Nice. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He sees all the bodies on the ground. | ||
| Oh shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sounds like they're making love in the background though. | |
| I think it's a porno film playing. | ||
| There it is, see? | ||
| It's sweet. | ||
| What's that? | ||
| They stopped it right there? | ||
| That was before the wolf jumps out and rips the dude's head off. | ||
| Oh, that'd be cool. | ||
| I think I've read that the See You Next Wednesday, which is supposed to be the title of this fake movie, has been used in a few other movies. | ||
| Like, maybe Tarantino's used it in the background stuff. | ||
| Yeah, it's come up a few times. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| Like a little nod to the film. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Great fucking movie. | ||
| I gotta watch that. | ||
| Best werewolf movie ever. | ||
| I haven't seen it in a long time. | ||
| Like my new werewolf? | ||
| That's my new werewolf out there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| The one outside? | ||
| It's the better one. | ||
| That is a nice one. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And where's the other one? | ||
| In the other room. | ||
| In the other room? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| I still have it. | ||
| Pat McGee. | ||
| He responded to the criticism of Rick Baker. | ||
| Because Rick Baker was the original makeup artist who created the werewolf. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Super famous makeup artist. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And he was on my podcast, and he's fucking amazing. | ||
| I mean, I'm a giant fan of that guy. | ||
| I wanted to be a special effects artist when I was a kid. | ||
| I wanted to do monster makeup. | ||
| I know you like to sketch and everything, right? | ||
| I wanted to do monster makeup. | ||
| That's what I wanted to do. | ||
| It was one of the things I wanted to do at one point in time. | ||
| And so when I had him on, it was like a huge treat. | ||
| But one of the things he said was that our werewolf was too big. | ||
| It was too long. | ||
| The proportions were off. | ||
| And that it was just like the way the body was... | ||
| And so Pat McGee was like, oh, fuck. | ||
| And so he went back and he made a whole new mold and created... | ||
| All the hair on it is actual animal hair. | ||
| Whereas the other one was like, it seems like carpet and then like hair around his face. | ||
| Isn't that cool though? | ||
| Like artistically that he heard the critique. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then he just went for the, you know, like the varsity version of it. | ||
| Not that the first one wasn't, but just that you can always get better. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| He made it awesome. | ||
| It's like Richard Pryor telling you your jokes are whack. | ||
| Can you imagine? | ||
| Like, yeah, the joke was good, but it's too long. | ||
| He needs to edit, and you're like, oh, shit. | ||
| I better edit my jokes. | ||
| So that's what happened. | ||
| That's what happened, yeah. | ||
| So Rick Baker's like, that's not the right shape. | ||
| It's too long. | ||
| He was like, I gotta make this right. | ||
| I gotta make it right. | ||
| And he contacted me. | ||
| He's like, look, I'm making a new one. | ||
| Do you want a new one? | ||
| I'm like, fuck yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck yeah. | |
| Let's go. | ||
| That's cool. | ||
| I want to take a look at it then. | ||
| It's way better. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's one piece and the muscles are all right. | ||
| It's different. | ||
| It's more menacing because it's ready to pounce. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's badass. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They haven't made a good werewolf movie in a long time. | ||
| You know what I noticed is that... | ||
| I mean, I'm sure this observation has been made, but when you watch scary movies with monsters now and aliens, they're really... | ||
| Is, like, not a lot of variation. | ||
| Because I was just watching the latest Stranger Things. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you're like, oh, that just feels like that monster comes out of the shadows. | ||
| And you're like, oh, I see some, like, pirates. | ||
| And I see some predator, you know, like, mashed together. | ||
| But I guess it's almost like there's no... | ||
| A monster alien needs to have some human qualities, because when it has human qualities, you're like, it's almost us, right? | ||
| But it's a scary, terrifying version. | ||
| And they just, I don't know, like, it's fucking badass. | ||
| It's scary as shit in that thing. | ||
| But you go, there is, like, no way, almost, to create an alien that looks so different from what we've already seen. | ||
| They all kind of feel like they're made from the same... | ||
| Sketch. | ||
| Yeah, I guess, remember The Blob? | ||
| Uh, no. | ||
| That was their answer for it in like the 1950s was The Blob. | ||
| It was basically like Jell-O killing people. | ||
| Oh, right. | ||
| That's definitely not as good. | ||
| No, it's not as good. | ||
| And this one is scary as fuck. | ||
| I'm not even saying it's not scary. | ||
| It just doesn't, you just go like, this just feels like a variation of what we've seen. | ||
| You know, I finally watched A Quiet Place. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| I never saw that before. | ||
| That's the one with Krasinski, right? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| I saw the first one. | ||
| I haven't seen the... | ||
| I haven't seen the second one either, but I saw the first one for the first time. | ||
| Great concept, too. | ||
| Oh, my God, it's great. | ||
| And I love the fact they don't even tell you the origin story. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's just like, obviously, something terrible has happened. | ||
| These people are fucked, and they can barely talk. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The thing, though, when they had the actual monsters, like, the monsters are pretty fucking creative. | ||
| Pretty interesting. | ||
| And that lady's hot as the sun. | ||
| Who's that? | ||
| Emily Blunt? | ||
| She's hot. | ||
| That's his, uh... | ||
| That's his real wife. | ||
| That's his wife in real life? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, there you go. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Good for him. | ||
| He did well. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's a fucked up movie. | ||
| Really interesting movie. | ||
| There's a few moments I'm like, come on, you're being a little inconsistent here. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| But it's good. | ||
| It's fun. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's two of those moments in the second when you're like, all right. | ||
| Don't tell me that, Jay. | ||
| Shut up. | ||
| It's a good movie. | ||
| I just saw it. | ||
| You've already ruined it. | ||
| I'm looking for two moments now. | ||
| I get one, I'm like, where's the other one? | ||
| In my opinion, there's two then. | ||
| It's just the concept is cool. | ||
| Just the aliens themselves are fucking interesting. | ||
| They're just so fucking wild looking. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You remember the one, what was the Spanish one that had, you know, Guillermo- Yes, Pan's Labyrinth. | ||
| Pan's Labyrinth. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That was fucking amazing. | ||
| Pan's Labyrinth was amazing. | ||
| I love that movie. | ||
| Guillermo del Toro makes some cool shit. | ||
| He does. | ||
| You know, he wrote an interesting book, The Strain, that they turned into like a series on FX. I read the book, and I remember reading the book, and like halfway into the book, it's almost like he just wanted to finish it. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| The second half of the book is just like a bunch of action shit, and then he killed him, and then this guy died, and then he grabbed him by the neck and cut his neck off. | ||
| Like he just stopped. | ||
| It's just like the beginning had so much suspense. | ||
| Do you know the story behind it? | ||
| Nuh-uh. | ||
| It's a great story. | ||
| The story is that this guy is... | ||
| Yeah, that's the television show. | ||
| The guy was... | ||
| There was a plane, and this plane lands, and no one's getting off the plane, and no one's responding, and they don't know what the fuck is happening. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And they get on the plane and they look around and everyone's dead. | ||
| The whole, like, everyone's dead. | ||
| They don't know what the fuck happened. | ||
| And it turned out that there was a vampire on the plane. | ||
| And this vampire infected these people and then some of them, spoiler alert, you know, they become vampires and run around killing people. | ||
| But the way they become vampires is very different than any other vampire they've ever seen before. | ||
| Like, their tongue comes out of their mouth and, like, grabs a hold of people and... | ||
| Yeah, it was a great first half of a book. | ||
| There's so many films like that, particularly in the thriller genre. | ||
| Because the whole thing about a thriller is the reveal, right? | ||
| There's mystery, there's suspense, and that's when you'll get disappointed by... | ||
| That's why there's basically one or two good ones, I wouldn't even say every year, maybe every couple years, where you're like, that's fucking phenomenal. | ||
| It's because they... | ||
| They do the setup right, and they build the suspense, and then sometimes on the reveal you go, that's it? | ||
| That's the answer? | ||
| Like, it's that they were hiding in the other room? | ||
| Like, you know, because you have to reveal it in a way that makes you go like, oh my god, and that's the hardest part of that. | ||
| It's the hardest part of writing it, and it's definitely the hardest part of, like, showing it cinematically, is making it engaging and interesting. | ||
| Yeah, it's just hard for them to nail a monster movie. | ||
| Yeah, it's tough. | ||
| Monster movies are probably the hardest to nail because it has to not be ridiculous. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And it can't really even be too much CGI because CGI kind of looks corny. | ||
| No, you need the reveal to be like, yeah, it's got to be... | ||
| It's got to be built up the right way, where you don't know what's what. | ||
| I was just thinking about The Fugitive. | ||
| Remember The Fugitive? | ||
| And how that was a hit movie. | ||
| But the great thing about it is you have suspicions, but you're not entirely sure. | ||
| And then the reveal, piece by piece comes together. | ||
| So you have to get that feeling that you go like, oh... | ||
| And it has to be plausible and believable. | ||
| That's the other way that you get fucked on a thriller as a book or a film, is if the resolution and the reveal is so far-fetched, you go, well, you just found an answer, but you just kind of made up things, things that don't happen. | ||
| The details of that, it's a fucking skill, man. | ||
| Yeah, writing, that's why Stephen King is the greatest. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because his books, in particular the ones when he was doing Coke, the old days, the old good ones, those books, he takes you on this journey of the mind that's so bizarre. | ||
| I feel like he was the one that recently, I don't know if it was him, so I might be labeling it wrong, that said that they write where they know the end. | ||
| Because some writers write differently than that, where he knows the end and then... | ||
| Writes towards it? | ||
| Yeah, writes towards it and goes, like, I just need to get myself in some shit, right? | ||
| You have to find your conflict. | ||
| How do I get out? | ||
| But I know I want it to end with this. | ||
| That's one way to write it. | ||
| And then, you know, the other way to write is you just... | ||
| Write as you're going. | ||
| As you're going, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, that's probably fun, because you don't even know what the fuck is going to happen. | ||
| You have to decide. | ||
| How to do it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What a fucking time-consuming endeavor, though. | ||
| And no one knows it better than you now, because you did it. | ||
| I did it. | ||
| But you didn't write fiction. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Which is even crazier. | ||
| I did stories, and I wrote a chapter on my dad and my mom. | ||
| I wrote a chapter about how I thought I was going to be a doctor when I was a kid. | ||
| It's called Paging Doctor Stupid, because I didn't realize how fucking dumb I was. | ||
| I mean, you know, you just start writing. | ||
| I mean, they're fun chapters to write. | ||
| I wrote about a chapter about finding a body, you know, when I was just out of college at home and I went with my sister on a drive to go see friends and she noticed something in a field, you know, and she made me turn around. | ||
| I didn't want to turn around. | ||
| I just didn't want to turn. | ||
| I was like, no, it's one-way streets. | ||
| But she pleaded with me, so I did it. | ||
| And then we pulled over and found a motorcycle. | ||
| That's what she had seen. | ||
| It was a motorcycle with the headlights still on. | ||
| And then we looked around, and then there was somebody laying there. | ||
| And we called 911, and I go up to the body. | ||
| I'm so scared to find a body or to approach a body that I'm like, this is a dead person. | ||
| And I start going, sir, which is true. | ||
| You think you're going to be like, hey, are you okay? | ||
| But I was like, sir, sir. | ||
| And I went up and I just touched his shoulder with my index finger. | ||
| And I did it twice. | ||
| And then he started to grunt. | ||
| So I just kept saying, don't move, you know, because I just heard that before, don't move. | ||
| And he sat up. | ||
| He pushed himself up and when he sat up, the top of his head just flapped open. | ||
| I was like, oh my god. | ||
| And then, I mean, a helicopter came and landed in that field, you know, police, ambulance, everything. | ||
| It was fucking wild. | ||
| So the skull? | ||
| It was like skin flap, you know, and just like wide open. | ||
| So you just saw the skull. | ||
| You didn't see the brains. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But I mean, I'm sure there was some sticking out of there. | ||
| I was just like, what the fuck? | ||
| Just blood everywhere. | ||
| And they met him. | ||
| You know, the helicopter took him out. | ||
| Did he live? | ||
| Yeah, he lived. | ||
| Really? | ||
| He lived, yeah. | ||
| And that's not a body. | ||
| That's a person. | ||
| Well, it was a body when I first saw it. | ||
| Yeah, I write about ODing. | ||
| How did you OD? What were you on? | ||
| GHB. I took a bunch of that, the date rape drug, but I gave it to myself, so I'm not a bad person. | ||
| And I drank a lot, which is the deadly combination. | ||
| Even the dealers that would sell it to you, which is rare, they'd be like, don't drink on this, because the combination was lethal. | ||
| I think I had 14 fucking screwdrivers that night. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| NGHB? Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| Super high dosage. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| And I ended up... | ||
| In a hospital? | ||
| In a coma, yeah. | ||
| For how long? | ||
| The coma was 8, 10 hours. | ||
| But they had a vigil at the hospital, people praying and all this shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then you have to go through people being like, oh, you're a junkie. | ||
| Oh, boy, because you overdosed. | ||
| Yeah, and you're like, no. | ||
| I was a freshman in college, so I was 18, 19. Yeah, it was bad. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| It was bad. | ||
| Some people thought you had a problem after that. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, some people only knew you as that. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Right, the guy who overdosed. | ||
| You're like, oh, you're that fucking drug addict. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, man. | |
| Yeah, that was rough. | ||
| Was it a thing when you wrote this? | ||
| Did you have an outline of stories you definitely wanted to get in there? | ||
| Or did you just sit down and say, I've got a book to write? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| Let me think of some... | ||
| A few things that I was like, I definitely... | ||
| Let me see that. | ||
| I definitely was like, I know I want to write some of these stories... | ||
| I knew I wanted to write one about my dad. | ||
| And then I had these consistent things throughout the book where between those longer stories and essays, I drop in chapters about famous people I've flown with who are mostly black. | ||
| Did you know the Tyson story where you told them you love them? | ||
| Bruce Bruce, Chris Tucker, Serena Williams, Jill Scott, who I was with you when I ran into Jill Scott again. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Do you remember that? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| We had just done, I think it was... | ||
| Maybe the New Orleans gig? | ||
| And I had just finished writing the chapter about Jill Scott. | ||
| And I was like... | ||
| And then I see Jill Scott in the green room afterwards with everybody. | ||
| And I'm like... | ||
| The chapter about her, I start saying that my proof that I definitely met her is that I say Jill Scott hates salmon. | ||
| And I went up to her and I go, hey, I just wrote the chapter about when we flew together. | ||
| And she was like, okay. | ||
| I go, we flew together from LA to Nashville, like, I don't know, eight, ten years ago. | ||
| And she was like, okay. | ||
| I go, do you want to know how I'm not lying? | ||
| She goes, how? | ||
| I go, you hate salmon. | ||
| She goes, I don't fuck with anything pink. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's what she said. | |
| That's hilarious! | ||
| There's just chapters about that. | ||
| I have a whole Road Stories chapter, Working for America's Most Wanted. | ||
| I have a chapter on that. | ||
| You worked for America's Most Wanted? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What did you do? | ||
| I was a researcher. | ||
| I would research criminals and stories for us to profile, and then I would pitch them to the story editor. | ||
| What year was this? | ||
| Dude, you know what my first day was? | ||
| September 10th, 2001. Whoa! | ||
| So, it went from, you know, mostly crazy fugitives, and then we pivoted hard to terrorism. | ||
| And people were like, what do you mean? | ||
| I'm like, dude, the show, what we did after that was we'd just show, like, Bin Laden every week. | ||
| We're like, we gotta get this motherfucker, you know? | ||
| Like, that was the show. | ||
| I would go to the White House, and we would be on the- You would go to the White House? | ||
| Yeah, I would be at the West Wing lawn. | ||
| How old were you back then? | ||
| I was just out of college, so 21, 22. It was right before I moved here. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Right before you moved to L.A., you mean? | ||
| Sorry, to L.A. I graduated college. | ||
| My friend's in Boston doing real estate. | ||
| He's like, come up here and get this money. | ||
| And I was like, okay, because it's the easiest fucking way to make money is you go work for a real estate place in Boston specifically. | ||
| Because Boston has 61 colleges and universities, meaning there's always a need for housing on top of being a major city. | ||
| And the easiest thing to do is you just show an apartment. | ||
| And when somebody rents that apartment, they have to pay first, last, and equivalent of one month to the real estate office that showed it. | ||
| And then you split that. | ||
| With the real estate office. | ||
| So if you're fucking right out of college, and you're even just hustling, you don't even have to be skilled, just hustling, showing up every day, you're making thousands of dollars a week. | ||
| But I even knew then that I didn't want to do it. | ||
| Like I was making great money for a kid just out of college, and I was like, I just knew I didn't want to do that. | ||
| You didn't just want to make money. | ||
| I didn't just want to make money. | ||
| I didn't want to make money doing that specifically. | ||
| And I had interned at America's Most Wanted in college for a summer. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| And I was actually a producer on a spin-off show called Final Justice. | ||
| So I was producing episodes of that. | ||
| So when I called them, they go, we want to offer you a job. | ||
| As a researcher on the big show, on AMW, they called it. | ||
| And so I went down there, did September 10th, and then September 11th, obviously. | ||
| I mean, the show's in D.C., so I'm in College Park, living in a house in Maryland, driving into D.C. on September 11th, you know, and it was just fucking chaos. | ||
| I mean, the Pentagon's there, it's like, and we just, I was there 20 hours that day. | ||
| It was fucking so nuts. | ||
| And then I just realized after three months of doing that, I was like, I don't want to do this either. | ||
| So I packed up a truck and just drove out to L.A. Wow. | ||
| And when you packed up the truck driving off to L.A., what were you thinking? | ||
| I really thought, I was like, okay, I kind of want to be a comedic actor, but maybe I thought maybe I would be more in the directing, like behind the camera kind of person, too. | ||
| Did you have any theatrical experience? | ||
| I had only done, I had done like a couple, I did an improv troupe thing in like high school, not even in college. | ||
| I made funny videos because I was a comm major, so everyone would make like serious videos and I would always hand in like comedic ones. | ||
| And I had done a play one time also when I was like, I don't know, like 13 or something like that. | ||
| So that was it. | ||
| But I was like, you know, I felt like I'll do the Groundlings. | ||
| And I had read that that's where like SNL picks up people. | ||
| I was like, oh, that's what I'll do. | ||
| I'll just do that. | ||
| So I interned at Copelson Entertainment, which is making big movies. | ||
| And I was learning that like script reading and doctoring scripts and then going to the Groundlings. | ||
| But you know who was in my first my Groundlings class was Sam Tripoli. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| I was 22, and he was probably seven, eight years older than me. | ||
| And it was like two or three classes in. | ||
| He's like, you need to do stand-up, bro. | ||
| Gotta get out there and gig. | ||
| Fight. | ||
| Fucking fight crime. | ||
| Fight crime? | ||
| That's such a Tripoli thing to say. | ||
| Yeah, and I was like, what? | ||
| And he goes, you'd like it, bro. | ||
| You'd like it. | ||
| And then he took me around. | ||
| I watched him do stand-up. | ||
| So Tripoli talked you into doing stand-up? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| I love that dude. | ||
| He's great. | ||
| It was fun to see him last week. | ||
| Yeah, it was great to see him at your party. | ||
| He's a fun dude. | ||
| We've got twins, Ninja, and Ghost. | ||
| I'm like, what? | ||
| It's kids named Ninja and Ghost. | ||
| I think they're nicknames. | ||
| But yeah, it's very Sam. | ||
| He's a character. | ||
| So where was your first place you went on stage? | ||
| It's no longer there. | ||
| It was called The Good Bar. | ||
| It was right on sunset. | ||
| It was right before... | ||
| You know that on sunset when you're heading west, there's a sign that says you're entering Beverly Hills. | ||
| But before that, there was a building there and a bank, and there was a bar called The Good Bar. | ||
| That was the first time I did stand-up. | ||
| Was it an open mic night? | ||
| It was a booked bringer slash you're not experienced comic show. | ||
| How did you get up? | ||
| How did it work? | ||
| Nick Wegener, who is a writer now, a comedy writer, does very well. | ||
| He was also in that class. | ||
| He had heard me talking about wanting to do it. | ||
| So he took me around, introduced me to a woman named Kathy Knicky. | ||
| When he introduced me, he goes, this is Tom, he's a comic. | ||
| And she was doing something. | ||
| And she goes, oh, you want to do the show April 9th? | ||
| And I was like, yeah. | ||
| And then she didn't ask me anything. | ||
| So he was like, okay, you're booked for a show now. | ||
| And the craziest thing was I was so goddamn nervous for that show, that first show. | ||
| And I get there probably fucking an hour and a half early, you know, when you're just like, oh my god. | ||
| And I go, when am I up? | ||
| When am I up? | ||
| And they have the order. | ||
| And it's like, one, two, three, four. | ||
| He's like, you're seventh. | ||
| And I was like, okay. | ||
| So I have like all this time to keep freaking out. | ||
| And I hear this, you know, the emcee, the host doing her bits. | ||
| And then she's like, all right, let's bring up your first comic. | ||
| Tom Segura, Segura, Segura. | ||
| And I'm like, what? | ||
| And they're like, they're calling you. | ||
| And I walk up and as I'm shaking her hand, I go, I thought I was seventh. | ||
| And she looks down and she goes, oh yeah. | ||
| And then she just walked off. | ||
| And I was like... | ||
| But I think I was actually good. | ||
| Because I didn't get... | ||
| You didn't have a chance to get nervous? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It just freaked me out. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| You know how dumb I was? | ||
|
unidentified
|
How? | |
| I fucking invited people to that show and I go... | ||
| I didn't tell them. | ||
| I go, I do stand-up. | ||
| Do you want to see me do stand-up? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh my God! | |
| Instead of saying, this is my first time doing stand-up. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And I have it on tape. | ||
| I gotta put it up sometime. | ||
| You got it on tape? | ||
| What was your first joke? | ||
| I don't remember because I haven't seen it in forever. | ||
| I know I talked about how my dick points to the left at some point. | ||
| You know, it hasn't really progressed. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| But I do remember, you know, I remember the fucking stupidity to be like, you guys should come watch me do stand-up. | ||
| You were what, 22? | ||
| Maybe I just turned 23. That's a good time because your brain's not fully formed. | ||
| No. | ||
| You still can do risky things. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| When people start, like Robert Schimmel, who was one of the greats, started stand-up when he was 36. That's wild. | ||
| Was he really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's insane. | ||
| I hope I'm right about that, but I'm pretty sure I am. | ||
| That's different. | ||
| It is. | ||
| You know, especially a lot of people are married and they have children, they have jobs, and that's a crazy dream to want to do stand-up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Crazy dream. | ||
| Yeah, I think Kirk Fox told me he started in his 30s, too. | ||
| He's super funny. | ||
| We do gigs all the time together. | ||
| He's very funny. | ||
| Very funny. | ||
| Super smart guy. | ||
| And, yeah, he just wasn't, you know, he was a tennis pro. | ||
| He probably didn't think of it. | ||
| And then he did acting, and then I think he just, I forget if he tried it by chance or if somebody was like, you should try it. | ||
| But he did it, and then he got hooked, you know. | ||
| He got... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Got bit by it. | ||
| But he was in his 30s, I think. | ||
| It's really tough for people to change gears once they're already a fully formed adult. | ||
| And people that you grew up with, that went to college with, they have full-blown careers. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then you're going to become a beginner at something as ridiculous as comedy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Fucking crazy. | ||
| We're so lucky we got in early. | ||
| You know what else we're lucky we got in early? | ||
| Podcasting. | ||
| Yeah, dude. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| Imagine trying to do it now. | ||
| We pulled it up the other day. | ||
| Four million podcasts now. | ||
| Four million? | ||
| There's four million different podcasts. | ||
| Isn't it crazy of the number one of four million? | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| That's really crazy. | ||
| It doesn't make sense. | ||
| I don't understand it. | ||
| Genuinely don't understand. | ||
| Number one of four million. | ||
| But I'm not stopping now, bitch. | ||
| I understand what's going on. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, of course. | ||
| You gotta keep going. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, if you tried to jump in now and, like, take over the podcast game, there's too many options. | ||
| Like, I have a certain, like I was telling before, I have a certain amount of podcasts that I listen to. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I just go to my phone and go, oh, I'll try that one. | ||
| And I listen to it. | ||
| But it's hard for me to get a new one. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, a new one to get into my lineup. | ||
| There's too many good ones out there. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I feel like that's the bottleneck today. | ||
| The only thing that could save you It's like coming on a podcast like yours or mine or someone else's that already has an audience. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then, you know, then you can kind of get people to come over to you. | ||
| I mean, you really got to kind of catch magic, you know, like lightning to have it. | ||
| You either have to be like such a unique talent or your angle has to be so unique. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I think if you go like, I do the sit around and talk thing. | ||
| I just talk to people. | ||
| I mean, you could do it, dude. | ||
| I mean, I don't want to talk anyone out of it, but are you either such a compelling interviewer or commentator that it's going to get an audience? | ||
| I used to tell everybody they should have their own podcast, and now I don't. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Now I'm like, oh, I mean, I guess you can try. | ||
| Yeah, it's tough. | ||
| Now I'm like, the fucking pool is so deep. | ||
| It's deep, yeah. | ||
| It's really deep. | ||
| There's not four million comics. | ||
| Fuck no. | ||
| Fuck no. | ||
| No way. | ||
| Not even close. | ||
| No. | ||
| But there's four million podcasts. | ||
| That's fucking wild. | ||
| I wonder if you broke those down, how many you would consider a, let's just say, a professional podcast. | ||
| Do you know what I mean? | ||
| I don't know, because this one wasn't professional. | ||
| You were there for one of the earliest episodes. | ||
| Yeah, I was definitely in the first seven. | ||
| I remember you were making fun of me. | ||
| You were like, what the fuck are you doing? | ||
| Dude, I left there and I was like, why is he doing this? | ||
| To Redband. | ||
| I was like, what is this? | ||
| And he's like, I don't know. | ||
| Even Redband didn't know why I was doing it. | ||
| Especially when I wanted to do more than one a week. | ||
| I was like, who is listening to this? | ||
| And you're like, the message boards. | ||
| I was like, the message boards? | ||
| You're like, a lot of people are listening, man. | ||
| I'm like, okay. | ||
| A lot of people was like a thousand people. | ||
| But you know, you had the float tank. | ||
| I was like, this guy's out of his mind. | ||
| Just let him do his thing. | ||
| He's got a float tank. | ||
| He's talking in his office. | ||
| And I was trying to talk everybody else into doing a podcast, too. | ||
| Yes, you did. | ||
| You were 1,000% instrumental in me starting one. | ||
| I started it in 2010, at the end of 2010. And it was because every time I saw you, every time we worked together on the flight, you got to do a podcast, man. | ||
| You got to do a podcast. | ||
| And I was like, yeah, all right, all right. | ||
| And I just kept, okay, I was thinking about it. | ||
| And then I finally was like, okay, I'm going to do it. | ||
| And then Brian made it easy because he was like, just come over. | ||
| I'll set you up. | ||
| Just sit down. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I felt like there was a magnet that was pulling me in a general direction. | ||
| I felt like there was something going on with that. | ||
| And I never thought it would ever be what it is. | ||
| Yeah, how can you? | ||
| You can't. | ||
| I'll never say I saw that, but I did Feel compelled to do it. | ||
| That, I think, is very clear, looking back. | ||
| It feels like you felt that. | ||
| I remember how quickly you took it seriously. | ||
| You took it like I'm working out, I'm training, and I don't fuck around when I train. | ||
| You had the same approach. | ||
| Once the wheel started to turn a little bit, you were like, Dude, I podcast. | ||
| I do this all the time, multiple times a week, hours at a time. | ||
| It was like, oh, you had a different drive to do it that felt like something was drawing you towards it. | ||
| It was very weird. | ||
| It's very weird now, knowing how it turned out. | ||
| You know? | ||
| And I would like to say that I saw it coming. | ||
| I definitely didn't. | ||
| But I, for sure, felt compelled. | ||
| I've just always been a person that, for whatever reason, I go on instincts. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, when I bailed out of LA, I'm like, uh-uh, I see this is going, this is not going the way I think it should go. | ||
| I gotta get out of here. | ||
| Jumped out. | ||
| I'm like, this is a fucked up city. | ||
| You gotta get out of here. | ||
| This is not serving us anymore. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But that's for a lot of things. | ||
| When I started doing stand-up, it was the same thing. | ||
| I'm like, I was fucking terrible when I started out. | ||
| But I was like, I got to do this. | ||
| This is my thing. | ||
| That's a real, I think, common thing for stand-ups. | ||
| I feel like I have to keep doing this. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You feel drawn. | ||
| You feel like there's something about it that if you just get a chuckle, just get a couple of laughs, and then you feel like maybe I could build on that. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| My second set that I ever did, I got laughs. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I remember it was way better than my first set. | ||
| My first set, I was clunky and nervous and weird, but my second set, I was accustomed to the sound and the lights and the whole deal, and I had a little bit of an experience of doing the first one to ride on, and then I got laughs. | ||
| I remember doing my second set, I was like, I'm going to be a comedian. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| I remember the opposite almost. | ||
| I remember getting laughs. | ||
| Like, not killing, but just getting laughs and laughs and having done, let's say, four, five, six, seven sets. | ||
| I'm like, oh, I got a grip on this. | ||
| And having the first shit set where it just feels like someone punched you in the stomach. | ||
| So it actually took me just a few sets to get there, and it is... | ||
| The thing is that it really kicks you down, but the immediate thing you recognize, you're like, I have to do this again so I can wash that off. | ||
| Also, I was like, something must have been wrong with them. | ||
| I was like, I don't know why this didn't work tonight. | ||
| I remember also the big transition was transitioning from open mics to doing a paid show. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| The difference in the expectations of the audience, the difference in the level of the comedians you are working with. | ||
| And I was realizing like, oh, I'm on like Bambi deer legs. | ||
| I'm Bambi walking on ice. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I remember I got 50 bucks. | ||
| The first time I got that was, I think, at an improv. | ||
| And it was two years in, and I just was like, holy shit, this is such other level. | ||
| Yes, different. | ||
| And I've unfortunately found that out by taking guys on the road, too. | ||
| Guys that were doing pretty good at bringer shows and pretty good at small local shows. | ||
| Then I'd take them and I'd bring them in front of a theater in front of 3,000 people and they'd just clam up. | ||
| And I'm like, hey, hey, hey, you have to have your bits. | ||
| Do you plan your bits out? | ||
| Do you listen to recordings? | ||
| You've got to record yourself. | ||
| And I would tell a few of them, and a few of them I had to just stop helping. | ||
| I was like, you're not doing enough. | ||
| I know. | ||
| I can't help you. | ||
| I've run into the same thing over the years. | ||
| It's very unfortunate, because they have a crazy opportunity. | ||
| If I'm putting you out there, there's some guys that fucking run with it, like Hans Kim, that motherfucker runs with it. | ||
| Ally Makovsky, she ran with it. | ||
| A lot of people are like, run with it. | ||
| And some people just don't work. | ||
| They're lazy, and they're happy that you're taking them on the road with them, but then they're doing the same material every place. | ||
| There's that, and there's also you go, you're just chopping it up with someone, and you're like, when was the last time you did stand-up? | ||
| And they're like, the last time we worked together. | ||
| And you're like, what? | ||
| That was months ago. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You can't do that. | ||
| I had a friend of mine show up at one of my shows in Seattle, and he's like, dude, I know I could kill in front of your crowd. | ||
| I go, when was the last time you did stand-up? | ||
| He's like, it's been over a year. | ||
| I'm like, shut the fuck up. | ||
| There's 2,700 people out there. | ||
| There's not a chance in hell I'm putting you on that stage. | ||
| No. | ||
| Like, there's already a full show as it is, and you're gonna go up there and flounder around for five minutes? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Like, there's no way you're gonna kill. | ||
| No. | ||
| It's not gonna go well. | ||
| It's like, you gotta be dedicated to this thing. | ||
| But so many people that get into stand-up, they're depressed, and they just, like, there's moments in their life where they just lay around doing nothing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, and then they'll, like, sort of figure out a way to, like, break free and get to a comedy club, and they want it all to happen for them. | ||
| Like, hey, man, this is like a marathon. | ||
| Yeah, we do get a lot of mental illness. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, a lot. | ||
| A lot of people that they're self-medicating and they think that somehow or another that stand-up is the answer. | ||
| But it's also like so many people have been mentally ill that have been great stand-ups. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| We were just talking about Richard Jenney. | ||
| Yeah, I was just thinking about him too. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How funny he was, too. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| He was so good. | ||
| He was so good. | ||
| And he's also so good in context. | ||
| Like, you would listen to his recordings today in 2022 and you'd say he's really good. | ||
| But if you saw him in 1989 when he was a motherfucker, he was, like, one of the best comics alive. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But he wanted to be Jim Carrey. | ||
| He wanted to be that movie star. | ||
| He wanted to be Jerry Seinfeld. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He had a TV show on one of those bullshit networks. | ||
| I think it was like the CW or something like that. | ||
| It was called the Platypus Man. | ||
| Platypus Man, yeah. | ||
| That was his whole thing, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, he had a special called Platypus Man. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| And then he was in The Mask with Jim Carrey. | ||
| He was in a few things. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But it never happened. | ||
| No. | ||
| And he was fucking horribly depressed. | ||
| Meanwhile, everybody was envious of him. | ||
| Yeah, everyone thought he was so... | ||
| I mean, he was. | ||
| He was the fucking man. | ||
| But when I would go on the road, I would always ask, because they always have a local guy who had to take you around and bring you to the radio. | ||
| It was either the club manager that would bring you to the radio in the morning. | ||
| I'd go, hey, who's the most miserable person you had to bring around? | ||
| It was always Richard Jennings. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Always. | ||
| They would all say, oh my God, Richard Jennings. | ||
| He hated being there, didn't want to do it. | ||
| He hated the fact that he had to be on the road. | ||
| He didn't want to be on the road. | ||
| He wanted to be a movie star. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| But meanwhile, he was the best comic alive. | ||
| Hilarious. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Crazy. | |
| I mean, I can't say the other name, but I'll tell you later. | ||
| But I've asked about another comedian before, and I asked people who worked, and they go, I go, he's just great. | ||
| And they go, I've never been around a more miserable person. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm like, what? | |
| What? | ||
| And they're like, yeah, I hope you do well in this business, but you don't end up miserable like him. | ||
| I was like, god damn. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Well, you're not miserable. | ||
| No. | ||
| You're killing it out there. | ||
| Are you enjoying this? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You got your moment in the sun right now, pal. | ||
| It's been really fun. | ||
| You're murdering. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I feel super fortunate to be doing it, and I'm having a great time. | ||
| I signed up for a little too hectic of a tour. | ||
| But I actually am really having fun. | ||
| I have like the best fucking crew, which makes everything, it makes the biggest difference. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| You know, because I travel with a tour crew, like the bus, tour manager, driver, tour director, security guy, like it's a crew that we go with. | ||
| It's a good move to do when you're doing a schedule that's as hard as yours. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| And they're great, and it makes everything work. | ||
| They become your second family. | ||
| We have as many shows as we do. | ||
| We're out there, man. | ||
| Beautiful. | ||
| I'm super lucky. | ||
| I'm very blessed. | ||
| I'm proud of you, man. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| Thank you very much. | ||
| I really am. | ||
| It's very, very inspiring. | ||
| Your hustle, your work ethic, and just your success. | ||
| Just how fucking funny you are and all the shit you're doing and the fact you have time to write a book and all this too. | ||
| So it's out right now. | ||
| It's called I Like to Play Alone, Please. | ||
| I'd Like to Play Alone, Please and the tour. | ||
| Is it TomSeguroga.com? | ||
| Yep, thompsongirl.com, yep, slash tour. | ||
| He's out there, bitches. | ||
| I have fucking so many dates. | ||
| Yeah, and in Austin this weekend, so find the scalpers, you fucks. | ||
| Thanks, Joe. | ||
| My pleasure, brother. |
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