Aug. 11, 2021 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:48:57
| 
| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
|
unidentified
|
The Joe Rogan Experience Oh hello Miss Pat Hello, Joe Rogan. | |
| Good to see you again. | ||
| Please introduce your friend. | ||
| This is Jordan E. Cooper, the co-creator of The Miss Pat Show. | ||
| Which, by the way, is a fucking hilarious show. | ||
| I was nervous. | ||
| When friends say, I got a new show, you're like, oh, I gotta watch this shit. | ||
| Because so many times you watch your friend's show and it's not good. | ||
| Your show is fucking good. | ||
| It's a real solid sitcom. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| Bravo. | ||
| And right out of the gate, it's solid. | ||
| You know, sitcoms take years to get their legs. | ||
| At least a few episodes. | ||
| But right out of the gate, your show is very solid. | ||
| I wish you knew how hard it was for me to text you to ask you to watch it. | ||
| I'll text. | ||
| I'll type the text. | ||
| And I was like, oh, I can't. | ||
| Because I know how honest you are. | ||
| And then when I was like... | ||
| It took me months. | ||
| And I was like, but I gotta ask him. | ||
| Because I was like, if Joe like it, then I feel like... | ||
| It was a seal of solid foundation. | ||
| And I was like, if I can just... | ||
| Because I got Ori to watch it. | ||
| And he was like, it's really good. | ||
| And I was like, I just want to see if Joe will watch it. | ||
| And I know how fucking busy you are. | ||
| And I kept... | ||
| When I sent the text, I was like... | ||
| Oh my God, oh my God, he's not gonna watch you now. | ||
| And when I hit you back, hey, and he was like, I'm in the Mediterranean. | ||
| Whatever the fuck that word you use. | ||
| You somewhere where birds don't have wings, but they still fly. | ||
| You was on vacation. | ||
| Where was I? Somewhere rich people go. | ||
| Birds don't have wings, but they still fly? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What kind of riddle is this? | |
| It's called a crackhead. | ||
| Perts don't have wings and they still fly? | ||
| I just imagined that's where the fuck you was at. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I can't. | |
| Something heavily placed. | ||
| I can't afford to go. | ||
| You was on vacation. | ||
| I think you said you was in the Mediterranean. | ||
| I'm fucking up the world. | ||
| Probably the Caribbean. | ||
| It started with an M. M? I don't fucking know. | ||
| We was texting, and when you started to text me, the jokes in the show, I was like, you don't know how much air went out of my titties that day, Joke. | ||
| I'm very happy it's a good show. | ||
| I'm very happy. | ||
| It's rock solid. | ||
| It really is. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| We worked our ass off to get it. | ||
| It was so hard with a comedy because to me comedy is so rehashed and I feel like Hollywood is so out of ideal. | ||
| That's why we getting all these fucking reboots that even with the pilot we went through the hand and toe to make sure you haven't heard it. | ||
| Original jokes. | ||
| Original jokes. | ||
| A lot of it is my stand-up. | ||
| And so that was another thing. | ||
| I was like, should I send Joe this? | ||
| Oh, his auntie's opinion. | ||
| And I asked you for your auntie's opinion. | ||
| You was like, oh, Pat, I really don't want to watch it because I don't like watching my friends. | ||
| I said, just watch the shit. | ||
| You can't hurt my feelings. | ||
| I've been shot. | ||
| I've had gunner real. | ||
| I've been hit by the freaking fucking thing. | ||
| Give it to me, Joe. | ||
| Like, hard dick with no condom. | ||
| And so you text back, and I immediately text him and say, look what fucking Joe Rogan said. | ||
| I can't, the N-word. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. | |
| Because your fucking podcast is so big. | ||
| Fuck you. | ||
| You said it in the past on here. | ||
| I said, nigga, look what Joe has said. | ||
| I said, wake your black ass up, nigga. | ||
| Joe Rogan like our show. | ||
| Joe Rogan like our show. | ||
| And like I said, it takes a while. | ||
| When I did news radio, that was in the 90s, it took like... | ||
| Four or five episodes before the show really started finding its way. | ||
| It takes a while. | ||
| It does. | ||
| It does. | ||
| I first saw Pat, I was a senior in high school. | ||
| I'm 26 now. | ||
| I was a senior in high school. | ||
| My dad had recorded her on this daytime talk show. | ||
| And he was like, you gotta watch her. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Harry Connick Jr. Yes, Harry Connick Jr. I remember that show. | |
| You were on that show? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| My dad was like, you gotta watch her. | ||
| She's hilarious. | ||
| You'll love her. | ||
| You'll love her. | ||
| And so I sat down and watched, and I just fell in love. | ||
| Because I like to do the type of comedy where it's like you laugh over the pain, you laugh over it, you laugh through it. | ||
| And that's her life. | ||
| That's Ms. Pat. | ||
| That's her brand. | ||
| And so I was like, damn, whenever she gets a book, I'm going to read that damn book. | ||
| I'm going to study it. | ||
| That's going to be my shit. | ||
| Then I got to college. | ||
| Book came out. | ||
| It was like $35. | ||
| I couldn't afford it. | ||
| So I screenshotted it. | ||
| I was like, oh, I'm going to come back, and I'm going to get this book when I get some money. | ||
| Never was able to get the book. | ||
| But I wrote this play called Ain't No More that went to the public in New York. | ||
| What's it called? | ||
| It was called Ain't No More. | ||
| And it was at the public theater and Lee Daniels saw it. | ||
| And after he saw it, he was like, hey, we're trying to do a TV show for this comedian. | ||
| Her name is Miss Pat, but we don't really have a concept. | ||
| Nobody really knows what they want to do. | ||
| So can you just read her book and see if you can come up with a concept for a show? | ||
| And I was just happy to get the damn book. | ||
| But I read it and I just fell in love and I immediately saw this sitcom in my head. | ||
| Because I'm a big fan of old school sitcoms like All in the Family, The Jeffersons, Good Times with a live studio audience. | ||
| And I just felt like putting her in this dollhouse of a sitcom And just burning all of it down. | ||
| Put your hands down, son. | ||
| Goddamn, you talking with your hands. | ||
| Goddamn, Joe Rogan. | ||
| He's expressing himself. | ||
| I'm a homosexual. | ||
| We talk with our hands. | ||
| He's expressing himself. | ||
| Let him express himself. | ||
| Is that what he's doing? | ||
| With the hands? | ||
| No, he's throwing out gay shout outs. | ||
| It's a maiden call? | ||
| How do you get men with your hands? | ||
| It's a maiden call. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Dick! | |
| You done said dick! | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's it? | |
| I'm learning so much today. | ||
| Birds who fly with no wings. | ||
| This is how you get dicked. | ||
| I'm learning. | ||
| Put your hands down, Joey. | ||
| Get deep. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Put your hands down. | |
| He's young. | ||
| For you to be 26 and to create a show is pretty fucking amazing. | ||
| It was a ride, Joe, because when Lee first brought this kid to me, and I'm honest, and I know Hollywood is full of shit, and it's so hard to get people in the industry not to sound like a talking fucking tech. | ||
| Everybody said the same goddamn thing, and I was just, I have to break them down. | ||
| Either you be honest with me, or I don't fuck with you. | ||
| So when I met him, and Lee was like, oh, I got this kid. | ||
| He fell out of heaven, and da-da-da. | ||
| And I'm like, okay, Lee. | ||
| And he told me, I'm in fucking Utah, so I want to perform. | ||
| He said, get your ass on the plane. | ||
| You got to go see the plane. | ||
| It's the last night. | ||
| I said, I don't know if you know how this shit works, but I'm a comedian. | ||
| I don't get paid till tomorrow, and I ain't going no goddamn way. | ||
| I need my little pennies, okay? | ||
| So they put me on the plane. | ||
| I flew over to watch him, and I pick up me. | ||
| I deal with people with spirits. | ||
| Your energy. | ||
| I can just tell if you're a good person. | ||
| I can tell when shit is gonna happen. | ||
| And when I met him, I said, he could do it. | ||
| And the first thing I did, I called him and I said, they're never gonna give you this job. | ||
| He said, but Lee said they're gonna hire me. | ||
| I said, no they're not. | ||
| He said, why you say that? | ||
| I said, because you ain't never did shit and they don't understand. | ||
| Hollywood want what everybody else's want. | ||
| They don't want you until somebody else don't fuck you and bust your booty. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Take that out. | |
| Take that out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, keep it in there. | |
| Keep it in there. | ||
| Hollywood don't want you. | ||
| I didn't know. | ||
| I didn't mean to say that. | ||
| It's true. | ||
| You did mean to say it. | ||
| You meant it. | ||
| You're trying to get me counseled. | ||
| No, I'm trying to get you elevated. | ||
| They don't want you until somebody else doesn't bust you in. | ||
| It's true. | ||
| Now he's got all kind of interviews, but I sat him down and I said, they're going to take you to fancy dinners and try to blow your fucking mind. | ||
| I said, if you listen to a real nigga like me, we can do this. | ||
| I said, now I'm going to be honest with you. | ||
| Lee is busting his ass to get this job for you. | ||
| I said, but while Lee is busting his ass to get you this job, let me show you how to get this job. | ||
| He said, what I got to do? | ||
| I said, let's write a pilot behind these motherfuckers back. | ||
| And I started to tell him what the other two writers wouldn't listen to me on. | ||
| And he listened. | ||
| And we wrote that motherfucking about eight days. | ||
| So when we finished it, I said, he put his name on it. | ||
| I said, take your fucking name off of me. | ||
| Which I was like, what? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| And let me tell you what, I'm a hood, bitch. | ||
| I'm a hood. | ||
| I mean, everything for me come from the knowledge that I got from streets, okay? | ||
| You can never outsmart me because I'm fucked. | ||
| You might can spell a word right, but motherfucker, I got Google and two daughters with a college degree, so I get your ass back on that, too. | ||
| So I told him, I said, take your name off of it. | ||
| He's like, why? | ||
| I said, because if they don't like it, they're not going to give you the fucking job. | ||
| But if I tell them I did it, I'm the star of the show. | ||
| They're going to, oh, Ms. Pepper, throw that shit in the trash can. | ||
| We're going to get you a writer. | ||
| So what we did, he took his name off. | ||
| I said, one thing you ain't never got to worry about me doing is stealing shit from you. | ||
| I'm not that type of person. | ||
| I said, what the fuck I look like stealing shit? | ||
| These people know I can't spell all this shit correctly. | ||
| And that's exactly what she did. | ||
| She called Lee and she sent it to Lee and Lee Carr and said, who the fuck wrote this? | ||
| And she said, me. | ||
| He said, no you didn't bitch because everything's spelled right. | ||
| That's what he said. | ||
| And I said... | ||
| And that's when I said, me and Jordan wrote... | ||
| And you want to hear something so crazy? | ||
| So, this kid just graduated college, right? | ||
| And he was like, just drop out of college. | ||
| You're going to be a fan. | ||
| I said, don't you drop out of fucking college. | ||
| So I asked him, I said, do you have final draft? | ||
| He was like, no, he's poor as fuck. | ||
| He said, I don't have final draft. | ||
| I said, nigga, take my credit card. | ||
| Take my debit card. | ||
| Go buy you some grocery and buy final draft. | ||
| All I imagined had me interviewing writers, Joe... | ||
| Me and him, I said, right nigga, right! | ||
| They got me another interview! | ||
| Right nigga, right! | ||
| But, like, what's funny, though, yo, is that, like, she, she, like, it was, it was something, I was talking about this yesterday, I was like, it takes a lot to earn Pat's trust in that sense, because she was literally, it was like she was entrusting me with her comedy and her story. | ||
| And so, like, it was funny where, like, I would write a draft of something, and I would send it, I would send it over to her, and she would read it, she'd be like, nigga, why you got me cussing? | ||
| I said... | ||
| Because that's how you talk. | ||
| She said, nigga, I don't motherfucking talk like that. | ||
| Take that shit out. | ||
| That's how you talk. | ||
| And I was like, we have to do a new kind of sitcom. | ||
| I wanted to do something where it's like, you could just be yourself. | ||
| You know, because you look at all those old shows. | ||
| You look at Sanford and Son with Red Foxx or even the Richard Pryor show that he had for like three seconds. | ||
| And it's like, imagine if he was just allowed to be himself. | ||
| That show would have lasted forever. | ||
| Well, Sanford and Son, Red Fox got as close as you can get on a network television show to being Red Fox. | ||
| Yep, exactly. | ||
| About as close as you can get. | ||
| But they don't do those anymore. | ||
| They scared. | ||
| And when he came to me and he said, well, actually, after we wrote the pilot, they immediately gave him a job. | ||
| After we wrote the podcast, they was like, this kid can write. | ||
| And I told them, I said, see, I know what the fuck I'm talking about. | ||
| Because Hollywood is so stripped. | ||
| They're scared to step outside the box. | ||
| They're going to give you the same old bullshit. | ||
| We need a black writer. | ||
| Well, that black writer might not understand what the fuck Ms. Pat's trying to do. | ||
| And I went through a few that did not understand what I was trying to do. | ||
| With him, I took him and I said, if you just listen, we can create something. | ||
| Just listen to these stories. | ||
| I just need you to put the shit in the right form. | ||
| And he did. | ||
| And he got the fucking job. | ||
| Well, as a 26-year-old man, you're willing to take chances, too. | ||
| Oh, God. | ||
| When people get to be 46, and they've got all this stuff behind them, and then they're worried about offending, or they're worried about pissing off the network, or they're worried about getting on the wrong side of the executives. | ||
| You gotta believe in your project, huh? | ||
| I said, you were scared of me. | ||
| I was, because he pushed me. | ||
| I was like, we're not going to say that. | ||
| That's not what we're going to do. | ||
| But he pushed me a lot, and it made me realize, oh, well, this is something different. | ||
| Why not try something different? | ||
| At least one thing I learned about this idea, Joe, if you're going to go down, go down for what you believe in. | ||
| Because I almost went down twice for what I did not believe in. | ||
| And we was close to shooting this thing once before. | ||
| And I was like, I'm so glad that I stood up and said, I'm so glad I didn't need the money. | ||
| When you need the money, boy, you get in the bed with the devil. | ||
| But I used to tell them, "Y'all could never give me as much as I could steal." And so I just went and when I met him and I said, "I'm willing. | ||
| I mean, that was a third holding deal. | ||
| So I'm not, I wasn't rich, but I could buy better wigs and I was on the road and I was selling my T-shirts. | ||
| So I was cool. | ||
| And I was saying, we're going to stick together and we're going to fight for what we want. | ||
| And we did. | ||
| The show that you showed me is about as close to you as you can get. | ||
| It's right there. | ||
| It's me. | ||
| It's right there and it's just starting. | ||
| That's what's amazing. | ||
| If you get one of those shows and you let it breathe and grow and give it a couple of months and give it six episodes, give it ten episodes, give it a year, give it second season. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck! | |
| You got a real good shot with the show. | ||
| A real good shot. | ||
| And I was so happy when you told me that that night. | ||
| It's real. | ||
| It's very good. | ||
| It made me laugh hard. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| Y'all hear that? | ||
| Don't be scared to come on over to BET Plus, white people. | ||
| Come over there and matinate that bitch up. | ||
| Well, with streaming now, it's like networks doesn't matter anymore. | ||
| You just have to have a good show. | ||
| You gotta step into it. | ||
| You gotta step into it. | ||
| And I think that's the thing that, why we ran into a lot of trouble even selling it initially or even getting it picked up originally, was that I think it was too real. | ||
| It was a little bit too real. | ||
| Oh yeah, Joe, they was asking dumb, I'm not going to say dumb questions because when you're not familiar with a person's culture, they was asking, like, one of the kids' name is Janelle, and what did they ask you? | ||
| Oh, they were like, the name was too ethnic. | ||
| I was like, Janelle? | ||
| And branded? | ||
| Ethnic? | ||
| Janelle. | ||
| They couldn't handle Janelle. | ||
| But that's executives. | ||
| They always want to fuck with things. | ||
| If they would only leave shit alone. | ||
| And, you know, even when we got... | ||
| We left Fox. | ||
| We went from Fox to Fox Studios. | ||
| And then we went to... | ||
| Because the deal originally was at Fox, right? | ||
| And then when I came in... | ||
| Because originally it was going to be a single cam show. | ||
| And then I was like, no, it's got to be a multi-cam. | ||
| You got to put her in front of a live audience because she's going to come alive. | ||
| And they were like, all right, cool, let's do multicam. | ||
| And then once they read the script, they're like, oh, you got a lot of fucks and motherfuckers and niggas in here. | ||
| We're going to have to go to Fox 21, which was like a division, a cable division. | ||
| And then that's when we went out and we sold it to Hulu. | ||
| We sold it to Hulu. | ||
| All these networks still have these language restrictions. | ||
| Like, what the fuck are you doing? | ||
| They're not on real earth. | ||
| It's 2021. Yeah, we're in a new world now. | ||
| Everybody has the internet. | ||
| That's nonsense. | ||
| Hey, I was just telling y'all out there, what are you hiding from with Elaine? | ||
| My kids, little kids, elementary, and the time they learn how to read, one of them Google Elsa sucking dick. | ||
| So, what are you hiding? | ||
| What are you hiding? | ||
| I didn't even know Elsa was sucking dick on the internet. | ||
| And it's true. | ||
| She really is. | ||
| Elsa from Frozen? | ||
| Yeah, she gang banging. | ||
| And I was like, I don't know why. | ||
| Was she getting fucked by the snowman? | ||
| No. | ||
| She's getting gang banged. | ||
| She's not gang banging. | ||
| Well, it's just dicks all around her. | ||
| She's letting it go. | ||
| Gang banged. | ||
| Yeah, and I was actually blown away. | ||
| And I was like, why did you Google this? | ||
| Well, they Googling it at school. | ||
| And it's the second grade. | ||
| I was like, what? | ||
| And I said, you will never get a phone until you have a job to pay for a phone. | ||
| I mean, when I was in third grade, everybody was talking about two girls in one cup. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| Oh, that's the one where they... | ||
| Do you want to see it? | ||
| No, you don't want to see it. | ||
| Show it to me. | ||
| No, you don't want to see it. | ||
| No, I had a baby, Earl. | ||
| I don't know what two girls in a cup is. | ||
| I just had sex. | ||
| Two girls, one cup is like one of the first videos where people would do reactions. | ||
| They would film reactions to it because it's so disgusting. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| It's these two girls. | ||
| They start making out and one of them shits in a cup and they start eating it. | ||
| Oh, no! | ||
| Throwing up in each other's mouths, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You want to see it? | ||
| No, I do not want to see that. | ||
| What happens to just normal sex where you hunch each other and go to sleep? | ||
| Well, this was a long time ago. | ||
| Yeah, this was like 2004. But I started in 1985. Why did we change from the sex from 1985? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| This is not really a sex thing. | ||
| This is like an internet thing. | ||
| It's like, I don't even think it's real shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| It's not, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It wasn't? | |
| Really? | ||
| I think it's like chocolate sauce or something. | ||
| I saw one called two kids in one sandbox and it was all shit. | ||
| So these girls are licking it. | ||
| So it wasn't real? | ||
| It's fucking nasty. | ||
| What's that supposed to be? | ||
| Yeah, you want to see the video? | ||
| Let's show her the video. | ||
| Now that you know that it's only ice cream. | ||
| I've never heard of this. | ||
| I can't believe you've never heard of this. | ||
| Well, I had my first baby in seventh grade. | ||
| I was a mom. | ||
| I had shit to do like breastfeed. | ||
| I understand. | ||
| But there was quite a few videos of people doing reactions. | ||
| Me and Red Band did one. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm laughing so hard I can barely breathe. | ||
| Two girls in a cup. | ||
| Yeah, it's a disgusting video, but there was like a whole bunch of those. | ||
| Is that porn? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It was on Pornhub. | ||
| That's how we found it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What was you doing on Pornhub? | ||
| Everybody was on Pornhub. | ||
| Did I ever tell you when I got sent to alternative school for selling porn? | ||
| What? | ||
| I sent to alternative school for selling porn in fifth grade. | ||
| For selling? | ||
| Yeah, what happened was, there was a play in town that I wanted to go see, and my parents wouldn't give me money to go see it, so I said I was going to make it myself. | ||
| And I was snooping through my brother's bedroom one day, and I found, like, big booty car wash under his bed, and big titty palooza, and all this stuff. | ||
| And that's what we was talking about at school, was porn. | ||
| So I took his DVDs, and I was selling them at the bathroom for $5 a pop. | ||
| And then somebody snitched. | ||
| I got about $20 in and somebody snitched. | ||
| They went to the counselor and she came. | ||
| I remember I was sitting in class and she came and she knocked on the door. | ||
| She said, can I see Mr. Cooper, please? | ||
| And I didn't I didn't go back for the whole year. | ||
| I was in alternative school. | ||
| What is alternative school? | ||
| It was like it was like they called it Crossroads, which was like you had to like it was like you had to go across town and And you had to wear a button-up shirt and tuck in your pants. | ||
| They tried to make them transform. | ||
| They made peanut butter sandwiches for lunch. | ||
| They changed you. | ||
| I sent my son there for talking a lot. | ||
| You sent him there? | ||
| For talking a lot? | ||
| Because he was silly as fuck. | ||
| I wonder where he got that. | ||
| Good question. | ||
| He already wasn't making good grades. | ||
| He just giggling and laughing. | ||
| I said, okay, so I'm going to see you down here with the kids who don't rob the grocery store and, you know, the gas station and shit. | ||
| And so his first day down, the man said, what you do? | ||
| He said I was laughing in class. | ||
| He knew he didn't fit, but I made him do 30 days. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| 30 days? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| Did it help? | ||
| Yeah, but he wasn't ever no A student anyway, but he stopped laughing in class. | ||
| He didn't want to go back to alternative school? | ||
| He didn't like it because they made him exercise and run. | ||
| It was kind of like a military style when I was in Atlanta. | ||
| How long was this process between the time that you had your first deal and you actually filmed the pilot that I saw? | ||
| Four years. | ||
| Four years. | ||
| It was four years. | ||
| Three writers. | ||
| It was hard because you would think. | ||
| I just got to Hollywood and I'm thinking, oh, I'm going to be on Fox. | ||
| And then you start watching other people, other comics. | ||
| You know your show was there and then that show get bumped. | ||
| And you're like, what the hell is going on? | ||
| And then, you know, when they get to the point where they don't like it, they throw it away. | ||
| They say, oh, well, we don't want it. | ||
| But thank God for Lee Daniel, every time they had to switch or didn't want it or the country, he made them resign. | ||
| I don't know what kind of magic he had. | ||
| Well, baby, he kept saving me. | ||
| I swear, nobody get three and four chances at the same project. | ||
| You know that shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I just kept getting chances. | ||
| And he told me before I met this kid, he said, I promise you, I'm gonna get this show picked up. | ||
| Nobody gets three or four chances, especially today when they don't do very many sitcoms. | ||
| No. | ||
| When I was on the news radio show in the 90s, there was only sitcoms. | ||
| There was no reality shows back then. | ||
| So sitcoms were on every night, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and it was like all, like from 8 p.m. | ||
| on, it was sitcoms. | ||
| There was a lot of sitcoms, a lot of opportunity to get shows. | ||
| And, you know, and when you didn't have, like with me, I wasn't really familiar with Hollywood, but I did meet a friend who's the guy who actually found me, who listened to Maren and heard about my book coming out at the time, and then he listened to my episode you dropped, and they called me in to Imagine, which is Ron Howard. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And John Rattler. | ||
| And then I just connected with him. | ||
| We like family now. | ||
| I go over to his house and I sleep and I shit in his bathroom, wrap my head on the wall. | ||
| But we're like family now. | ||
| You know, he's the only producer, executive producer, that's still on the project when it started, him and Lee Daniel. | ||
| But with those two, they really held me together. | ||
| Even when we shot the pilot, when Hulu picked it up, and everybody was ecstatic and happy. | ||
| And I tell you, I pick up on Spirits, the weirdest shit. | ||
| And you've got all of these executives. | ||
| Let me just go back a little bit. | ||
| So, we go, and it's time. | ||
| They put me in acting classes. | ||
| Because once we sell the show, I sell Lee. | ||
| They gave her a show not knowing she could act. | ||
| I said, we sell it in the room, so I said, hey, Lee. | ||
| He said, what? | ||
| I said, y'all gonna ask me, can I act? | ||
| He said, bitch, you can't act. | ||
| I said, no, I can't act, motherfucker. | ||
| I'm a comedian. | ||
| Because, you know, most comedians, I can act. | ||
| I want it to be good. | ||
| I didn't want to be just take your money and put out a shitty project. | ||
| And I was like, no. | ||
| He was like, the bitch can't act. | ||
| Get us some acting classes. | ||
| That's what we tell the people at Fox. | ||
| So they immediately put me in acting classes. | ||
| So when we started, when me and him get together and we get to the process of getting ready to get it picked up, Joe, I didn't know what the fuck a table read was. | ||
| I'm like, what the fuck is a table read? | ||
| And he was like, I said, I gotta read out loud? | ||
| I ain't did this shit in a long goddamn time. | ||
| So I go on the internet and I Google table read, and I said, we gotta come up. | ||
| I said, we gotta backdoor these motherfuckers. | ||
| He's like, what are you talking about? | ||
| I said, we gotta get somebody, and I gotta practice reading out loud. | ||
| because if they hear me read out loud today they're going to shut this motherfucker down. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I can't just picture you I can picture you doing this. | |
| Oh my God. | ||
| Yo, I said, they're going to shut this motherfucker down. | ||
| So, me and him flew. | ||
| I'm not lying. | ||
| Me and him flew to L.A. We got our friends and shit. | ||
| We sat around the table. | ||
| I was so fucking horrible. | ||
| My friend, Vincent Brownie said, they might take the show from you. | ||
| I said, fuck you, motherfucker. | ||
| She wasn't that bad, though. | ||
| She wasn't that bad. | ||
| She was actually surprising. | ||
| Thank God it was her. | ||
| She was playing herself, praise the Lord. | ||
| But she actually had instinct. | ||
| She had instinct. | ||
| That was the practice table read I'm talking about. | ||
| Yeah, it was just about putting it in the right... | ||
| But we practiced quite a few times. | ||
| Me and him flew out to L.A. together, and we practiced with friends and stuff. | ||
| And when we got to the table read, I fucked them up, Joe. | ||
| I fucked them up. | ||
| I had that strip, boy. | ||
| I had them words flowing out of my mouth like hot chili, goddammit. | ||
| And they was like, oh my god, she can read. | ||
| I'm like... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh my god, she can read! | |
| I'm like, they ain't never gave a motherfucker a show who couldn't read, okay? | ||
| So I first ever had to have cue cards. | ||
| But do you know the story of Charlie Burnett? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-mm. | |
| Charlie Burnett was a hilarious comedian who used to do street performance. | ||
| And Dave Chappelle learned a lot of how to do street performance from him. | ||
| Because Dave used to do that, too. | ||
| Dave would just pull up to a place and say, ladies and gentlemen, and start doing a show. | ||
| Charlie Burnett, there's videos of him doing it In, I think, Washington Square Park in New York City. | ||
| Charlie got SNL. He didn't know how to read. | ||
| He couldn't read. | ||
| He couldn't read. | ||
| He was illiterate. | ||
| Oh, I'm not illiterate. | ||
| I just had to brush up on shit. | ||
| But they gave him Saturday Night Live. | ||
| He was that good. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And he would have been a giant star. | ||
| How did it go? | ||
| It didn't. | ||
| They fired him. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Because he couldn't read? | ||
| Because he couldn't read. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Damn. | |
| That was it. | ||
| Couldn't nobody tell him his lines in his ear? | ||
| Here's Charlie Barnett. | ||
| Oh, Lord, he black, too. | ||
| I thought you were talking about a white man. | ||
| I'm telling you, he was so talented and so captivating. | ||
| We're in the village. | ||
| I love the village. | ||
| We got a nice, mixed crowd. | ||
| I mean, look what we got. | ||
| We got white folks. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We got black folks. | |
| We got Puerto Ricans. | ||
| Puerto Ricans. | ||
| Puerto Ricans. | ||
| We got a lot of fucking Puerto Ricans! | ||
|
unidentified
|
But I'm not gonna fuck with the Puerto Ricans, man, because y'all born with knives. | |
| You'll cut me up and I won't even know what you're saying. | ||
| Meet a media casino empire. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And when you finish, you go que pasa. | |
| I've never heard of that. | ||
| So Charlie was brilliant. | ||
| I saw him perform live in New York City at Catch Rising Star in like the early 90s. | ||
| I never heard of him. | ||
| He died. | ||
| I think he died of... | ||
| COVID? I want to say, I think it was HIV. Was that what it is? | ||
| Dying of something. | ||
| We all die of something. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Never heard of it. | ||
| Who knows what would have happened if he got SNL. I think he would have been a giant star. | ||
| He was brilliant. | ||
| He was so... | ||
| He just captivated. | ||
| But also I think it's about also taking time with people like that. | ||
| Because I feel like a lot of times people just get thrown into the machine and nobody's there to actually guide them through the machine. | ||
| Thank God we had each other to guide each other. | ||
| But I can imagine... | ||
| He didn't teach me how to read. | ||
| I knew how to read. | ||
| See, the thing is like... | ||
| It's hard to learn how to be that guy. | ||
| It's easy to learn how to read. | ||
| To be a Charlie Burnett is fucking good luck. | ||
| How are you going to figure out how to do that? | ||
| But to learn how to read, a lot of people can learn how to read. | ||
| But that's what I mean. | ||
| Just throw him on the set and tell him his lines. | ||
| Just actually take the time to be like, here's your line. | ||
| This is what you say here. | ||
| The problem is that SNL, like, they learn the day of, right? | ||
| Like, there's a lot of, like, shit. | ||
| It's only a week process to create these sketches that they do every Saturday. | ||
| Now, if I couldn't read like that, and I feel like I had that kind of talent, I've been brushing up on my sheet early, so when they come, I'm here. | ||
| Somebody should have just hooked them up. | ||
| Somebody should have just, like, got them lessons. | ||
| It's not that hard. | ||
| Something. | ||
| Something. | ||
| So it's time to shoot the pilot, and I tell you, I pick up on spirits. | ||
| So I'm walking around that day, and I said, they're not going to pick it up. | ||
| And everybody's like, what are you talking about? | ||
| I said, my inner spirit said they're not going to pick up the show. | ||
| My spirit. | ||
| It's an energy that I feel. | ||
| I can almost tell what people... | ||
| I can tell how you feel about me. | ||
| I can tell when you're being fake a piece of shit. | ||
| I just know when somebody's honest. | ||
| Honestly, I don't know how, but... | ||
| 80% of the time, I'm pretty right. | ||
| I'm lying, Jordan. | ||
| So I'm telling all the execs, they're like, oh my God, the first show, you fucking killed it. | ||
| So I pulled my friend, John Rattler, to the side, who wanted the executive producer who heard me on the podcast. | ||
| I said, they're not going to pick it up. | ||
| He's like, why you say that? | ||
| I said, nobody's fucking listening to me. | ||
| We got Debbie Allen on the floor, shooting the pilot. | ||
| And I'm trying to tell Jordan, because he's my right-hand man. | ||
| I said, they're not going to pick it up. | ||
| And I said, I'm not going to name anything. | ||
| I said, it's the executive who makes the decision. | ||
| His energy bounced off mine. | ||
| He didn't get me from the day I met him. | ||
| He don't understand his project. | ||
| And so they came back with the languages. | ||
| What was their language? | ||
| It didn't fit their. | ||
| Oh, it wasn't premium content. | ||
| It wasn't premium content for their material. | ||
| This is what's trippy, though. | ||
| This is what's trippy, though, is that we heard through the grapevine that originally that executive didn't really like it. | ||
| And so they were going to test it to kind of find backup of, like, audiences don't really fuck with it. | ||
| Like, they're not going to like it. | ||
| Then they tested it. | ||
| It was one of the highest tested pilots ever, as far as testing pilots go for Hulu. | ||
| I believe that. | ||
| And Steel was like, I really don't get it. | ||
| I don't get why she's yelling at her kids. | ||
| I don't get why she's cursing. | ||
| I don't get why. | ||
| And that's what I tried to tell them, Joe. | ||
| I said, that energy that I felt off that certain person that day, I knew they were not going to pick it up. | ||
| And that was the decision maker there. | ||
| So I said, and I just told him, I said, and he was like, we waited six months before they dropped it. | ||
| I knew in my heart. | ||
| I told him almost every day, I said, they're not going to pick this shit up. | ||
| I think what it was, it was so many Brian Grazer, Ron Howard, those powerful names connected to it. | ||
| What probably took so long, and then, you know, they probably tested it again, and what was so crazy, it's over now, I can say, but my daughter, my daughter friend worked at a testing site. | ||
| They sent it to Atlanta, and she called my daughter in secret. | ||
| She said, I don't supposed to tell you this, but your mama pilot just tested off the fucking roof, and they tested in Alpharetta, Georgia. | ||
| That's white as white can get in Atlanta. | ||
| And I was like, and I called him and I was like, they tested fucking pilot. | ||
| They told us Chicago, but it ended up in Atlanta. | ||
| And I just kept telling him, I said, I always felt like it would find a home. | ||
| I really did. | ||
| But I knew Hulu was not going to pick it up. | ||
| Now, I ain't mad because Hulu did a wonderful job in helping us shape the pilot and what it is. | ||
| We got wonderful notes from them. | ||
| I mean, we thought we had some shit. | ||
| When Hulu started putting their little, and we came in. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Smart, so smart. | |
| Oh, man, they made that pilot a fucking home run. | ||
| They know what they're doing in Hulu. | ||
| They got some great shows. | ||
| Yeah, but this wasn't premium enough. | ||
| That's so stupid. | ||
| What the fuck does that mean? | ||
| It wasn't premium content. | ||
| They also don't have any original multicams. | ||
| They have traditional sitcoms like old stuff like My Wife and Kids and I Love Lucy, but they don't have original sitcoms. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| And I think that there, I think there was also, it was like, because that hadn't happened before we did that pilot. | ||
| Like nobody had like said, fucking motherfucker and all this stuff and talked about, literally our pilot is about a school shooting and somehow we made it funny. | ||
| Do you think it's the language? | ||
| Do you think the language was why they said it wasn't premium content? | ||
| That's just such a fucking vague statement. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's not premium content. | ||
| Because I had to ask myself, what do premium mean? | ||
| Is that baloney with or without the garlic? | ||
| It's just a bullshit statement. | ||
| It doesn't mean anything. | ||
| Like, what does that mean? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I was trying to figure out what did he mean. | ||
| But meanwhile, tested high. | ||
| Tested high every time. | ||
| Well, that's what premium means. | ||
| That's what premium means? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Do people enjoy the shit out of it? | ||
| Yeah, then it's premium. | ||
| That's what I thought. | ||
| And that's what the reason they say. | ||
| It didn't fit their platform. | ||
| So you guys started on Fox. | ||
| Fox was the first place you took it to. | ||
| And then it went to Hulu. | ||
| It's Fox, then Fox Studios. | ||
| Fox 21. And then Julio. | ||
| So Fox, Fox Studio, which is the 21 plus. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| And then Hulu. | ||
| And then after they dropped it last year, Valentine's Day... | ||
| I got a call from B.E.T. Plus. | ||
| I didn't even know B.E.T. had a plus. | ||
| The whole plus thing is so weird. | ||
| Like Disney Plus. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I was like, what is B.E.T. Plus? | ||
| I don't watch a lot of TV because I'm so fucking busy. | ||
| I mean, I watch The Handmaid's Tale. | ||
| I mean, I like shoot-em-up shit like that. | ||
| Is that a shoot-em-up show? | ||
| No, Handmaid's is cutting off white clicks. | ||
| I can't watch that show. | ||
| Oh, that show's so goddamn good. | ||
| I watched it one time. | ||
| Oh, you gotta get past the pilot. | ||
| No, no. | ||
| Oh, that and Queen of the South? | ||
| Uh-uh. | ||
| Oh, that shit's so fucking good, Joe. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| You never cheered for white women to whoop somebody's ass. | ||
| Women, period. | ||
| Watch The Handmaid's Tale. | ||
| My wife is obsessed with it. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| I watch The Handmaid's Tale. | ||
| I be like, get that motherfucker. | ||
| I be screaming at my lap. | ||
| That's the only thing I watch is The Handmaid's Tale. | ||
| I think it's too possible that it could happen. | ||
| That's what freaks me out. | ||
| It's very near future. | ||
| Especially when Trump was in office, you were like, oh shit. | ||
| Nobody's going to control my pussy. | ||
| Nobody's going to control. | ||
| This is my pussy. | ||
| I believe that. | ||
| If I want to put firecrackers in and blow it up, that's my pussy. | ||
| This is my 4th of July pussy. | ||
| You're not going to tell me what I can and cannot do. | ||
| Hey, I'm not trying... | ||
| And then they want to do everything to shut my vagina down. | ||
| Ain't nobody saying nothing about the men who clip their balls and can't have babies. | ||
| But what I supposed to do if I marry a man who got fucking dried balls, are you going to be mad then? | ||
| That's a good question. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Nobody talk about the men who take... | ||
| Dried balls? | ||
| Ain't that what happened to you when you clip your balls? | ||
| Hey, what you shooting, piss in me? | ||
| Just the container that loads of cum in. | ||
| The cum ain't no good. | ||
| You just cut the heads off the babies. | ||
| Yeah, it's like sperm, though. | ||
| Yeah, it's sperm with no hairs. | ||
| So it still shoots out whenever you get a vasectomy. | ||
| It's just not... | ||
| Yeah, it's just fake. | ||
| No sperm in it. | ||
| Yeah, I don't understand what it is. | ||
| What does happen? | ||
| That's a good question. | ||
| I don't have a vasectomy. | ||
| Because most sperms, they be wiggling. | ||
| They look like they got a little head on. | ||
| So when they clip your nuts, do they cut all the hairs off the sperm? | ||
| No, it's not like that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They basically cut the doorway. | |
| So there's different parts to sperm, like to jizz. | ||
| Here we go. | ||
| You will ejaculate semen, seminal fluid, after a vasectomy, but it will no longer contain sperm, the reproductive cells. | ||
| Once you have ejaculated about 20 times... | ||
| Okay, so you have to bang out 20 lobes because the boys are hanging out there waiting. | ||
| A vasectomy blocks the sperm made by the testes from reaching the semen. | ||
| Instead, the body absorbs the sperm, which is harmless. | ||
| There you go. | ||
| So when you first get them clipped, you still can make a few babies because you got to feel them hanging out. | ||
| Yeah, you have 19 loads left after the first one. | ||
| So after you get clipped, you got 19. I would look at it under a microscope. | ||
| I'd be like, what the fuck is in there? | ||
| You know, once you got past 21, I'd want to put a slide down and get that in there and see what the fuck it looks like. | ||
| Yeah, the hair's cut off. | ||
| There's no boys in there. | ||
| Yeah, no boys or girls. | ||
| Yeah, nothing. | ||
| But the boys that swim. | ||
| Can you see it under a microscope? | ||
| Can you see sperm? | ||
| That's a good question. | ||
| I never checked, but I want to now. | ||
| You can see a lot of shit. | ||
| I used to be a medical assistant. | ||
| I didn't know what the fuck I was looking at, but you would put STDs up under there and you could see that. | ||
| You could actually see that shit. | ||
| You could see the STDs? | ||
| You could see whatever those little shit was. | ||
| Do they look angry? | ||
| No, they look like a lot. | ||
| They look dirty. | ||
| I picture STDs like... | ||
| It's according to which one you get. | ||
| What's the worst one to get? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I only had Gunnaril. | ||
| Which one you had? | ||
| How was that bad? | ||
| Is that bad? | ||
| I never had any of them. | ||
| Well, I feel like flamethrowers got your pussy. | ||
| Oh, that's what I heard, right? | ||
| Didn't you say they used to have to come pick you up if somebody... | ||
| Fuck you, Joey. | ||
| If somebody gave you an STD, they had to get a bus? | ||
| Back in the day when you had an STD and they would knock on your door, one person would say, oh, I got an STD. They said, what's your partner? | ||
| So you start naming your partners. | ||
| So they go pick up the partners and they would give you a ride to the health department. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Isn't that wild? | ||
| That is wild. | ||
| Yeah, they couldn't come get me all the time. | ||
| I'm like, you again, motherfucker, who reported me? | ||
| Who reported me? | ||
| He's like, hey, Pat, come on in. | ||
| You did get to know they name. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So when does your show start airing? | |
| August 12th. | ||
| August 12th. | ||
| Oh, two days. | ||
| Two days from now. | ||
| All ten episodes, drop at once. | ||
| Oh, that's nice. | ||
| Isn't that beautiful about today? | ||
| So if someone loves your show, they can just binge? | ||
| Just binge. | ||
| And I think they're going to be able to binge. | ||
| I just love some of the episodes. | ||
| Like we did a Him, Dem, and Dare episode. | ||
| Ginger Nonconforming. | ||
| Ginger Nonconforming. | ||
| I had never heard of that before. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You did a gender non-conforming episode? | ||
| It is so fucking funny, Joe. | ||
| We did one about porn. | ||
| We did an N-word. | ||
| Derogatory words. | ||
| Derogatory words. | ||
| Yeah, and we used them all. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| That's the beautiful thing about the internet, too. | ||
| About streaming. | ||
| You can do it just like you do your act. | ||
| You can just say it. | ||
| And it's not, we're just throwing out derogatory words. | ||
| We talked about, you know, like how your kids, like, who was that? | ||
| Matt Damon just said he used the F word. | ||
| Was that Matt Damon? | ||
| Yeah, that was Matt Damon. | ||
| Yeah, and he said, my daughter told me not to use that. | ||
| And when I heard Matt Damon say that, it was like, that's what the episode is about. | ||
| How kids today was like, oh, mama, you can't say that anymore. | ||
| Like, my daughter is gay, right? | ||
| We all know. | ||
| I told you that a hundred times. | ||
| Well, I'm 49 years old. | ||
| I grew up saying bulldiger, right? | ||
| And my daughter was like, you can't call me a bulldiger. | ||
| I'm like, well, they used to call you. | ||
| I haven't even heard bulldiger. | ||
| I've heard bulldike. | ||
| It's like a bulldagger, like a dagger. | ||
| It's something in the South. | ||
| It's a black thing in the South. | ||
| That's what they call lesbians. | ||
| Bulldiger, that's what I say. | ||
| What's the correct form? | ||
| Dagger. | ||
| Are you saying dagger? | ||
| Bulldagger? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I'm saying dagger. | ||
| I thought you were saying like bulldike. | ||
| Bulldigo. | ||
| Bulldyke. | ||
| Have you heard that before, Jamie? | ||
| It's a southern thing. | ||
| It's a southern thing. | ||
| Trying to parse through everything right now. | ||
| It's a southern thing. | ||
| But that's what that episode's literally about. | ||
| It's like a generation gap. | ||
| But my daughter stopped me and she said, you know, she's like, Mama, that's like a white person call you the N-word. | ||
| I said, Bulldyke is nigga now? | ||
| So I stopped saying it. | ||
| I literally stopped saying. | ||
| And that's what the episode is about. | ||
| Because a lot of times young people come to older people and say, hey, you can't say that. | ||
| You know, you can't say words like that. | ||
| And that's what the episode, so when Matt Damon came out and... | ||
| There it is, bull daggers. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bull daggers. | |
| This is a prison term for macho lesbians. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's a rough one. | ||
| Those two girls are bull daggers? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well, I don't know about those two. | |
| Is that what they're saying? | ||
| But down south, when I was little, everybody was a bull dagger if they was gay. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| The word lesbian wasn't around. | ||
| You was gay, you was a bulldog. | ||
| And it's basically like, for being within the community, it's like, oh, it's funny how, especially black people in those conversations, it feels like they separate. | ||
| If you're gay and you're black, you can't be both. | ||
| It's like, oh, you can't. | ||
| I can say bulldog, but you can't say nigger. | ||
| But it's like, what if you a nigger and a bulldog? | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Words are just how words hurt, but it hurts because of what we put onto them. | ||
| You know Tim Dillon? | ||
| Do you know Tim Dillon? | ||
| Hilarious. | ||
| Very funny comedian. | ||
| He's gay. | ||
| And he got in trouble for saying dyke. | ||
| He's like, I can't say it? | ||
| And he's like, what the fuck? | ||
| He's like, I'm gay. | ||
| I can't say that. | ||
| Like, people were mad at him for saying that. | ||
| And they're probably gonna be mad at me for saying this a couple times. | ||
| But, you know, that whole conversation was, my daughter sat me down. | ||
| She was like, you can't say these words. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| But, you know, and I'm like, well, okay. | ||
| You know, and that's what the episode is about. | ||
| So the episodes are all about real life shit. | ||
| That happened to me. | ||
| Even to him, them, and Darren D., What is it called? | ||
| Ginger nonconforming. | ||
| Ginger nonconforming. | ||
| My daughter, Gariana, brings home a friend in real life. | ||
| I mean, but he ended up writing it. | ||
| And she brought one over, and I was confused. | ||
| Like I said, she brought one over. | ||
| I mean, she brought... | ||
| I don't know what to say. | ||
| It's like, what do we say about this? | ||
| Who are you? | ||
| What are you? | ||
| Well, it's like... | ||
| I mean, it was a weird conversation, but with the great writing of Jordan Cooper and all of us putting it together, we was able to... | ||
| It was a teaching moment. | ||
| Because a lot of people don't know... | ||
| For everybody. | ||
| For everybody. | ||
| Him, them, and there is. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know, I've never heard that shit before. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yeah, the they, them pronouns. | ||
| Yes, the pronouns. | ||
| It's very hard to put together in sentences correctly. | ||
| It took time for me. | ||
| I had never heard of that before I went to New York and I went to the new school in New York. | ||
| And I remember the first day of orientation. | ||
| They were like, alright, what is everybody's pronouns? | ||
| I was like, pronoun? | ||
| What do you mean? | ||
| Why are we? | ||
| I was like, Jordan. | ||
| I was just confused. | ||
| And it took me so long to understand. | ||
| Like, oh, okay, you just don't want me to. | ||
| I'm going to just call you by your name. | ||
| What's your name? | ||
| What's your name? | ||
| I'm going to just say your name. | ||
| That's a good way to handle it. | ||
| Because I don't want to say the wrong thing, so just tell me your name. | ||
| I'm going to say your name. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And that's what that episode is about. | ||
| A nigga named Jensen. | ||
| That's literally what she says in the show. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's literally what she says. | |
| She says, what's the one? | ||
| It's like, oh, one of the kids is like, who is that? | ||
| And she says, oh, his name is Jesse. | ||
| We're like, Nadahima. | ||
| Oh, her name, Nadahima. | ||
| The nigga named Jesse, all right? | ||
| Which is a very good episode. | ||
| It's one of my favorites. | ||
| And I remember when people would talk about the episode, who works at BET Plus, they're like, oh, I cannot get that out of my head. | ||
| It's so fucking funny. | ||
| Well, the beautiful thing about your personality is you could attach it and you could have so many subjects. | ||
| There's so many things that you could talk about on your show that you have no boundaries. | ||
| You're free. | ||
| Because the way you speak, the way you're loose and fun, you have no boundaries. | ||
| For a sitcom writer, oh my god, you're a goldmine. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's gold. | |
| And that's what I pitched it as. | ||
| I said, I want to make Pat the black female Archie Bunker. | ||
| Funnier though. | ||
| Funnier. | ||
| That's what I want to make if you haven't seen it. | ||
| And that's who she is. | ||
| And it's all in love. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| But she just says what she wants to say. | ||
| And we can go from up and down with topics. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| And so that's what the show is. | ||
| I like to call sitcoms a Trojan horse because you get to talk about real shit, but we get to laugh on the web. | ||
| What was so crazy, Joe, is like when we finally started writing, we spent almost two years before we got to this point, and all of a sudden this kid just wipe out this fucking phone and say, oh yeah, you said this, this, that. | ||
| Everything he ever thought I said funny, this motherfucker had put it in his phone, and a lot of it made it in the show. | ||
| And I'm like, you write down what I say? | ||
| He was like, that's the funniest shit when you ain't even trying to be funny. | ||
| Yeah, that's smart though, because you've got to capture those things and you forget them. | ||
| Yeah, and he just had this whole list, the shit Ms. Pat say. | ||
| And he whipped that shit out. | ||
| I was like, you been recording and keeping note every time. | ||
| I would see him typing, but I didn't know he was typing the shit I had said that was so fucking stupid. | ||
| Jordan, did you always know you wanted to be a writer? | ||
| Absolutely, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Always? | |
| I started writing plays when I was like seven. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, in my mom's living room. | ||
| I would always do plays in the living room. | ||
| I would cut out my mama's weave and make wigs. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I would play Michael Jackson, cut up her weave, have a little curl coming down. | ||
| I just always love... | ||
| And sitcoms for me, that's why I kept watching them, because that was the closest to theater I could get a lot of times, with that live audience, you know what I mean? | ||
| Fast forward for Christmas was like box sets of I Love Lucy or the Golden Girls or Martin or Good Times. | ||
| And I think that's why it made so much sense whenever we wrote the pilot. | ||
| And they were like, how the hell you didn't go to school for writing TV? It was just like, I just studied. | ||
| I've just been doing it all my life. | ||
| I watched I Love Lucy the other day with my 11-year-old. | ||
| We sat and watched it with her, and I was like, I just want to show you this. | ||
| She's like, I want to watch this. | ||
| I go, just watch it, please. | ||
| I go, we could change the channel. | ||
| After a while, we'll watch whatever you want to watch. | ||
| I go, I just want you to see what people were like in the 1950s. | ||
| And you could see, like, a few minutes in, her eyes were like, what is this? | ||
| I was like, this is how people thought acting was. | ||
| Like, it was so... | ||
| In the episode, Lucy thought that Ricky was trying to kill her. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Did you ever see that episode? | ||
| We saw all of them. | ||
| It's so clunky. | ||
| It's so odd. | ||
| Like, the way they did it, you know, just the way, you know, Ricky's talking on the phone and Lucy's behind him like, ooh! | ||
| Like, everything was, like, big and over the top. | ||
| And you could tell she got into it after a while. | ||
| She's like, wow, this is so weird. | ||
| I go, honey, you got to realize that when this show was being made, there was only, like, 30 years of motion pictures. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I mean, they really had just started. | ||
| I mean, think about a movie, right, from 1990, right? | ||
| That's not that long ago. | ||
| There's a lot of movies from the 90s. | ||
| You can watch those movies. | ||
| People watch them all the time. | ||
| That fucking Rappofolia scared the shit out of me. | ||
| I watch them like, don't fake Rappofolia. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What the hell is that? | |
| The fucking spider movie. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Correct. | |
| Oh, arachnophobia. | ||
| Yeah, that one now, that one now. | ||
| But I mean, you know, like the movie Alien, the first movie Alien, that's from 1979, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| That's the long fucking time ago, but it's an amazing movie. | ||
| You watch it still to this day. | ||
| So I was trying to tell her, I go, they had just figured this out. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They had The Honeymooners and a couple other sitcoms. | ||
| They had just figured out motion pictures. | ||
| But that's what made it dynamic. | ||
| Multicamp sitcom had never happened before. | ||
| And what happened was, is that Lucy was pregnant. | ||
| So basically they had been married for like five years, right? | ||
| And then Lucy was like, oh, I'm losing my husband. | ||
| He's out cheating with other bitches. | ||
| I need to do something to get him back home. | ||
| And so she was like, oh, we can do a show together. | ||
| Let's do a show together. | ||
| And so she went to CBS and she was like, hey, I want to do a show with my husband. | ||
| And they were like, are you kidding me? | ||
| Like, nobody's going to believe you're married to a Cuban, like a Latino man. | ||
| Like, what are you talking? | ||
| She was like, what the fuck are you talking about? | ||
| I am married to a Cuban. | ||
| And so they were like, yes, absolutely. | ||
| CBS executives did not believe. | ||
| So what they did was, she said, I am married to a Cuban. | ||
| They were like, we don't trust it. | ||
| We don't want to do it. | ||
| So they created a vaudeville show that was basically the first season of I Love Lucy. | ||
| They toured around the country doing this vaudeville show, and on the final stop, they invited CBS executives. | ||
| And the audience loved it. | ||
| And they were like, oh, okay, cool. | ||
| This is good. | ||
| All right, we're going to do it. | ||
| But if you do it, we're going to do it in New York and we're going to do it live. | ||
| Desi was like, absolutely not. | ||
| Lucy is pregnant. | ||
| We're not going back and forth. | ||
| We have to do this in LA. And they're like, we're not doing a show in LA. Are you crazy? | ||
| And he was like, yeah, we're going to do it in LA and we're going to shoot it on film. | ||
| They were like, absolutely not. | ||
| But if you want to do it, you can pay for it. | ||
| And he was like, all right, bet we'll pay for it and we'll just deliver it to you. | ||
| And so they paid for everything and built Desilu Studios. | ||
| And they owned the rights until like 1974. And Lucy sold it back to CBS, which was not smart. | ||
| But they owned, all of that was theirs. | ||
| All of that was theirs. | ||
| So basically, Desi was the one who created this like three camera audience set up. | ||
| That was all him. | ||
| And the smart shit about shooting on film is, like, all the Norman Lear shows, if you watch, like, all those 70s shows, the quality is not good when you watch it visually because they shot on videotape. | ||
| If you watch I Love Lucy, which was made, like, what, 25 years earlier, that shit is so... | ||
| That looks like HD. It looks like it was shot, like, last week. | ||
| And that's because he shot it on film. | ||
| And so that was the, like, forethought. | ||
| Desi Arnaz gets no credit for that because he was a Cuban, but, like, he created We did all of that. | ||
| That's incredible. | ||
| Obviously. | ||
| That's incredible. | ||
| I did not know that. | ||
| I was trying to explain to my daughter that this was before Castro took over Cuba. | ||
| I was like, you gotta understand what Cuba was like back then. | ||
| Because Cuba was like a place where people from the United States would go to gamble. | ||
| And it was all run by the mob. | ||
| The whole thing. | ||
| The corrupt government that was there before Castro overtook it. | ||
| I was explaining this whole thing to her. | ||
| It was fascinating to watch this little 11-year-old try to figure out, first of all, why everything's black and white? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Where's the colors? | |
| There's no color in this stupid fucking show you're making me watch. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| I was talking to my little niece the other day. | ||
| She was talking about She would watch some show that was talking about old days, like the 1940s and 50s with segregation and all that. | ||
| She was like, yeah. | ||
| And they were talking about the segregation that happened in the 1990s. | ||
| What? | ||
| I was like, what the? | ||
|
unidentified
|
We ain't that old, god damn! | |
| I saw somebody asked that kid. | ||
| That kid was like, mommy, what year were you born? | ||
| They said 1993. They said, were you a slave? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| They do extra crazy shit. | ||
| They don't know what the fuck's going on. | ||
| Imagine being alive for five years trying to figure the world out. | ||
| I, you know, I have custody of my niece's kids. | ||
| So they know I'm gone all the time. | ||
| They know I'm their aunt. | ||
| I'm their great aunt. | ||
| Because I think great aunt. | ||
| So I come home one day, Joe, and they was like, we Google you and you worth a million dollars. | ||
| I said, they tell them a goddamn lie. | ||
| I ain't got no fucking money. | ||
| And you crack babies about not be trying to kill me. | ||
| They Googled your net worth. | ||
| Yeah, they Googled my net worth. | ||
| I told you, there's the ones who Googled Elsa sucking dick. | ||
| I said, stay the fuck off that goddamn internet. | ||
| Same kids. | ||
| Yeah, the same kids. | ||
| I said, you stay the fuck off that internet because that shit ain't true. | ||
| I ain't got no goddamn money. | ||
| Y'all think about killing me? | ||
| I'll shoot you motherfuckers first. | ||
| I mean, I just walk in the house and crack me up and say, we Google you. | ||
| We know your net worth. | ||
| No the fuck you don't. | ||
| Can you imagine being in the store with the kids and they ask for something and you say no we ain't got no money and they just Google your network? | ||
| That's a goddamn lie. | ||
| Google is a lie. | ||
| They ain't got no goddamn money. | ||
| How much of your own life are you going to put into this show? | ||
| A lot of it? | ||
| A lot of it went into the pilot. | ||
| We had one episode he really wanted to do. | ||
| I don't want too much pushback on shit, but I was like, it was about being molested. | ||
| Because we go there. | ||
| If I can make it funny, Joe, I'll go there. | ||
| But when we got to writing it, I just felt like it didn't... | ||
| It wasn't captured good. | ||
| I think it was just me. | ||
| I wasn't ready. | ||
| And I remember them saying, this will heal so many people. | ||
| I'm like, yeah, but if I'm still kind of touchy on the subject, I need to heal first. | ||
| So, therefore, I pulled it, and we wrote something else. | ||
| She did. | ||
| We wrote a whole new episode. | ||
| I remember that day on the phone with her, because we had been talking about the episode since we pitched the show. | ||
| And we finally had the script and we were working on it and getting notes back and she called me and she was like, Jordan, I can't do this. | ||
| We shouldn't do this. | ||
| I don't want to do this yet. | ||
| And we pulled it and we rewrote it. | ||
| We rewrote a whole new episode. | ||
| Do you think that's something you'll revisit? | ||
| Like maybe as you get more comfortable with the show? | ||
| You know... | ||
| I feel like it's an episode that you've got to really take time. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, we did one on my baby daddy, right? | ||
| And that was hard. | ||
| That was really hard. | ||
| It was funny as fuck, Joe. | ||
| But, you know, where I... It's like... | ||
| I don't know if this is a comedy or a dramedy because it gets real touchy towards episode 789. And it was... | ||
| You get the feelings and, you know... | ||
| It made me feel like I actually won. | ||
| I got the revenge I wanted on the dude who worked at Jiffy Lube. | ||
| I felt strong from that episode, but it wasn't easy. | ||
| I remember riding home that night with tears running down my face and saying, wow, nigga, I won. | ||
| Riding home the night you filmed it? | ||
| After I filmed it, I remember riding home that night feeling like I finally won. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Because I was crying during that. | ||
| There was a scene, one of the final scenes of that episode, And I'm not a crier. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, we did cry. | |
| I'm not that person. | ||
| I'm not a crier. | ||
| But I felt, it was like, I'm a spirit person too. | ||
| But she did that scene and she nailed it. | ||
| And I just started boo-hooing. | ||
| I had to walk off set. | ||
| Because it was like, it felt like I was being used to help her get her power back. | ||
| There was something so beautiful about it that was like, damn. | ||
| The audience was crying. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yes, the audience was crying, and I remember walking off, and that was the last scene, and he would just bust out crying. | ||
| I was like, what's wrong? | ||
| And she's like, I just want to thank you so much for being, you know, let me tell your story. | ||
| You know, I don't like crying in front of people because I'm a hood bitch. | ||
| And he was boo-hooing. | ||
| And I turned around, everybody crying. | ||
| The audience cried. | ||
| And I remember getting in my car that night and riding back to my place, and I was like, I fucking won. | ||
| I won. | ||
| Out of all the shit, you know, the voices that I still hear in my head from, you know, the way my mama treat me, I have to doubt myself. | ||
| You know, everybody fight against something. | ||
| And one of the things that I fight against each and every day is my mama in my ear constantly telling me I ain't shit. | ||
| Constantly saying, bitch, you ain't shit. | ||
| You're ugly. | ||
| All the stuff that she did that stuck to my bones that I don't know how to get them off. | ||
| And so, but that night, I actually feel like I won. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| It doesn't have to be funny all the time. | ||
| I don't try to be. | ||
| It doesn't have to be. | ||
| It just has to be good. | ||
| It just has to be good. | ||
| And it was. | ||
| It was not funny. | ||
| We had to fight on that, too, a little bit. | ||
| Because I remember the network was like, at one point, they were like, alright, we're the jokes. | ||
| Any great sitcom, go back and watch Good Times. | ||
| They had episodes like that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I think we have two like that. | ||
| Even the finale is like that. | ||
| You ain't seen no finale like you seen this one. | ||
| You ain't seen no finale like you seen this one. | ||
| And acting was so crazy for me because he took my real life and he dropped them into the daddy's mouth. | ||
| And I was like, dude, I can't be talking to this man like that. | ||
| This is shit I said to my husband. | ||
| And I started to feel it. | ||
| And I'm like, I said, I'm tired of telling this man I love him. | ||
| Because, you know, when you take something so personal, he was taking personal stuff, personal conversations we had, personal, just, you know, because I tell him everything. | ||
| We were really close. | ||
| And he was dropping that shit in this dude's mouth. | ||
| And it was reminding me of my husband at home. | ||
| And I'm like, I said, you're going to have to stop this shit. | ||
| She was really scared of vulnerability on set. | ||
| And it was a thing where I really had to push. | ||
| Because she, I think acting at first was like a thing. | ||
| It was like acting? | ||
| That's easy as fuck. | ||
| I could just get in front of a camera. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| But I think some of the scenes really pushed her. | ||
| Like there were times where she had to stop. | ||
| You had to stop. | ||
| And get herself together. | ||
| Because it was asking a lot of her. | ||
| The storytelling was asking a lot of her. | ||
| And I like to do things to keep them, all the actors, on their feet. | ||
| Because it keeps them connected to the story. | ||
| So even jokes. | ||
| I'll be watching them do a scene while we're shooting. | ||
| And I'll hear a joke in my head. | ||
| Or one of the writers will be like, what about this? | ||
| And I'll run out and I'll tell one of the actors and not tell everybody else. | ||
| So even in the pilot when you watch whenever she comes out and she's like, did you teach your daddy what the clit is? | ||
| The actors had no idea that was coming. | ||
| And they busted. | ||
| They were trying not to laugh. | ||
| And it's all in the show. | ||
| They were trying not to laugh. | ||
| But it's like things like that that just keeps them connected. | ||
| And they really grew into a family. | ||
| And you should have seen the way that That Pat really just sunk into telling this story. | ||
| It was so beautiful to watch. | ||
| And they were so great. | ||
| You know, like, because, I mean, even though I was a star of the show, I was the weakest fucking link. | ||
| I mean, you got Tammy Roman on that show. | ||
| You had Jay Bernard Calloway, who was a fucking theater actor. | ||
| You got Theodore Barnes, who did... | ||
| Peter Barnes, yeah. | ||
| Who did a couple of movies on fucking Netflix. | ||
| And then you had Brittany Ingram who just came off another show. | ||
| I think the daughter who plays Janelle is the only one who was her first acting job. | ||
| She was fucking the bomb. | ||
| But they wrapped their arms around me, you know, and they helped me. | ||
| In Hollywood, everybody worry about who's first on the call sheet. | ||
| And I sit them down and I say, I don't give a fuck about no call sheet. | ||
| All I give a fuck about is my check gonna clear. | ||
| I don't give a fuck. | ||
| Isn't that weird, that first on the call sheet shit? | ||
| Yeah, first on the call sheet. | ||
| I said, we're family. | ||
| I need y'all as much as y'all need me. | ||
| I said, so we ain't gonna work. | ||
| I said, we all stars. | ||
| I can't do this show without you. | ||
| That's why you was fucking casted. | ||
| And I just told him, I said, drop that call sheet shirt. | ||
| I don't give a fuck about no call sheet. | ||
| When we was in L.A. and the extras had to wait till the stars, I said, what the fuck y'all sitting there for? | ||
| We have to wait. | ||
| I said, get the fuck up. | ||
| Ain't gonna be no food left for you. | ||
| You don't get the fuck up. | ||
| You don't see them big ass men back there working. | ||
| Get the fuck up and eat before they eat. | ||
| And it was like, nobody's ever done that. | ||
| Oh, that's like, yeah, I remember that. | ||
| Like the main cast has to eat first and then the extras eat. | ||
| It's wild. | ||
| Well, they set out that hierarchy to make everybody feel kind of shitty. | ||
| But that's the thing that, it started from the top down, but that was something that we saw eye to eye on in the very beginning. | ||
| We were like, this ain't gonna be no shitty set. | ||
| And so we broke all that shit down and it just created, the atmosphere that it created on set. | ||
| People enjoyed, people was like, I fucking love coming to work at this show. | ||
| What was so crazy, we did a scene with the daddy and it was about the N-word, right? | ||
| And the white cameramen, they was all white cameramen, and after they told us, they said, we never looked at it like that. | ||
| That scene, and I mean, damn near, they was tearing up. | ||
| They said, we never looked at that word the way y'all just put it out on this show like that. | ||
| And they was like, they was like so happy to come to work. | ||
| And they would get booked for other shows. | ||
| I was like, where you been? | ||
| I'm so fucking happy to be back here with you, Miss Pat. | ||
| They was literally, it was nothing like seeing people happy to be there. | ||
| You know, not just some bullshit. | ||
| They knew they was going to laugh. | ||
| Do you have an idea of whether or not you're going to do another season? | ||
| It depends on the audience. | ||
| B&T said that they're waiting to see how people respond, if people are going to watch it. | ||
| Because they're nervous. | ||
| I think they're nervous because... | ||
| I think we're all nervous. | ||
| We are. | ||
| Because it's a new kind of show. | ||
| It's like an experiment. | ||
| It's a big experiment. | ||
| And I think that they were saying the first two weeks really matter in streaming because... | ||
| The first two weeks in streaming, that's how they know if they decide if they're going to pick something up because it depends on how many people watch it and the hours that they watch it. | ||
| It's not like ratings. | ||
| It's like, okay, did you watch multiple episodes? | ||
| So it depends on what happens in those first two weeks, really. | ||
| That depends. | ||
| They follow everything, right? | ||
| Did you finish it? | ||
| Did you start it and end it in the middle? | ||
| They know everything. | ||
| It's interesting. | ||
| The difference between what they know with streaming is so fascinating, because they know all the demographics. | ||
| It's like they have all the data, as opposed to the Nielsen ratings was nonsense. | ||
| Nobody knew what the fuck that was. | ||
| The Nielsen shit is like there's a Nielsen family, and then you had to fill out a book. | ||
| Oh, no, that's radio. | ||
| The Nielsen was like, I guess it was based on a box that was on your TV, right? | ||
| He just told me the other day, back in the day, they didn't even put Nielsen boxes in black household. | ||
| Yes, that's why in the 50s they didn't have black shows back then. | ||
| Because they didn't give Nielsen boxes to black people. | ||
| So the advertisers didn't care if black people were watching. | ||
| Really? | ||
| How many Nielsen families are there? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Are there any left? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Are there? | ||
| There are? | ||
| Yeah, I actually know a couple of my friends of mine had a Nielsen box a couple months ago. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Wow. | ||
| I remember Oprah got in trouble when OWN first started and she was like, please watch Oprah Winfrey Network, especially if you have a Nielsen box. | ||
| She got in so much trouble. | ||
| What? | ||
| Who got a Nielsen box? | ||
| Because apparently it's supposed to be like the secret thing that nobody's supposed to know about. | ||
| You're not supposed to tell people? | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| The one thing you can't advertise? | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Where the fuck the box at? | ||
| Do I have one? | ||
| No. | ||
| No, you would know. | ||
| You have to fill out some paperwork, I think. | ||
| And then you get a box that's on your TV. So whatever you're watching, they know what you watched. | ||
| And so then I think it's like 100,000 families nationwide. | ||
| Yeah, I'm trying to find a number. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't see anything. | |
| And then they calculate based on the actual number of humans there are in this country and how many people really watch TV and they get an estimate. | ||
| A rough estimate of the amount of people that are watching your show, but it's very rough, as opposed to streaming. | ||
| Streaming, they know exactly how many people are watching your show. | ||
| It's a different animal. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So, how much is BET Plus? | ||
| Was it a monthly thing? | ||
| $9.99. | ||
| A month? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| $9.99 a month. | ||
| Seven day free trial they have, I believe. | ||
| And what other shows they got on there? | ||
| They have the First Wife Club. | ||
| They're only 18 months old, so it's a new streaming platform. | ||
| They do have a lot of the black old sitcoms like Martin and Rock and Fresh Prince. | ||
| They have quite a few, probably 10 originals. | ||
| A lot of people forgot how fucking good Martin was. | ||
| That guy played like 15 different characters in that show. | ||
| It was so interesting. | ||
| It was like literally a fusion of sketch comedy and sitcom. | ||
| And that's kind of what I'm trying to do with Pat. | ||
| I'm trying to do like a comedy show meets a sitcom. | ||
| And kind of melt the two together. | ||
| Like stand-up meets it. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| That's wise. | ||
| And I hate it. | ||
| Everybody get an extra treat when you go to streaming because I'm doing... | ||
| They're called monologues. | ||
| And I fucking hated them, Joe. | ||
| But we was watching one yesterday and it was so fucking funny. | ||
| And me and him would literally stay up all night trying to write it to marriage, the episode. | ||
| And I was like, this is so fucking hard. | ||
| This is what he wanted. | ||
| I was like, if we get a second season, when we get a second season, we're not doing them. | ||
| I'm not doing this fucking shit. | ||
| It's the perfect, it gives you a chance to see her stand up and she's basically giving you a prelude to what, it's kind of like what Shakespeare used to do. | ||
| It's like, I'm telling you the story before you know the story, but I'm making you laugh while we do it. | ||
| The perfect compliment. | ||
| Yeah, and then the show just starts around her. | ||
| It's very theatrical. | ||
| Like in the pilot, how she's doing stand-up, talking to the studio audience, and all of a sudden the plane just comes in, the set moves. | ||
| This kid dreams, Joe, because let me tell you something. | ||
| Some shit he asked for, I was like, you shouldn't ask these people for all their money like that. | ||
| So when the plane idea, he was like, oh, I got this idea. | ||
| Because it was my idea to sit on the plane and have that uncomfortable conversation with the white woman. | ||
| Well, I used to fly southwest, right? | ||
| So I was A+. So I would block my seat off going back to Indiana because it was full of white people. | ||
| And I wanted to have conversation about real life, race, abortion, women, just start a conversation. | ||
| So I would block my seat off, usually for a white man, because those are the ones that once you got them sitting down and they can't go nowhere, you can ride their ass like a hard dick. | ||
| And I wouldn't do anything like racist. | ||
| I would just start a casual conversation and let them know, it's okay. | ||
| I want to know your opinion on this, on race or whatever. | ||
| And most times they would open up and talk to me. | ||
| And when I gave him that idea, hey, we should have a conversation about this is what I do every week on fucking Southwest. | ||
| He wrote it. | ||
| But then he come up, he's like, I think the The plane should open up. | ||
| I said, don't XDP for all that money. | ||
| Stop that bullshit. | ||
| He's like, no, I got this vision. | ||
| And I'm like, this kid is going to get us kicked out of this motherfucking studio. | ||
| But the guy started building. | ||
| He's like, we've never done anything like this. | ||
| And then you've seen how it ended up, which was so fucking beautiful. | ||
| And then the next thing he asked for was, before that, he said, we're standing at Lee Daniels. | ||
| Oh, what do you think about Debbie Allen directing the pile? | ||
| I said, Bitch, ain't even famous. | ||
| Debbie Allen don't know who the fuck I am. | ||
| You think she gonna come fucking direct something for all no-name ass? | ||
| And he was like, Lee asked Debbie Allen. | ||
| Lee said, oh, I asked her. | ||
| He sent it to her. | ||
| She said, I'm gonna direct this fucking pilot. | ||
| And I was like, keep asking, motherfucker. | ||
| It was so dope because we were looking at lists of directors and there was all these white guys and women. | ||
| It was good people, really good people. | ||
| But then I remember I was watching a rerun of A Different World and then Debbie Allen's name came across the screen. | ||
| I was like, what about Debbie Allen? | ||
| I didn't know what to think because the show is R-rated. | ||
| It's so nasty. | ||
| I didn't know if Debbie Allen was going to want to do... | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's not nasty. | |
| It's not that R-rated. | ||
| It's Christian. | ||
| I didn't know... | ||
| Chris, you're my ass. | ||
| I didn't know if Debbie Allen was going to want to be a part of it. | ||
| But she read that script and she fell in love with it. | ||
| And she just jumped on board and she added so much beauty to it. | ||
| I have to tell you, did you tell him about when you had dinner with Felicia Rashad? | ||
| We sat down and had dinner with Felicia Rashad who played Claire Huxtable. | ||
| Can you imagine Miss Pat and Claire Huxtable across the table? | ||
| She was like, the wife we see, she's like, you're so colorful. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What the fuck is wrong with your sister, damn it? | |
| And so, you know, Debbie is married to Norm Nixon. | ||
| He's like, tell her about your daughter. | ||
| Be eating that pussy. | ||
| I said, you want me to tell Norm? | ||
| Felicia Rashad laughed so hard. | ||
| And then she just came alive. | ||
| I was like, oh my God, she's human. | ||
| She's beautiful. | ||
| But it was like, we was really scared. | ||
| I was really scared to send Debbie this because, you know, Debbie is like, you know, Black, the black princess of, you know, of African-Americans. | ||
| We just fucking love her. | ||
| She's royalty. | ||
| And so we flew to Atlanta. | ||
| She was shooting a movie with... | ||
| That was another backdoor situation. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, that was another backdoor. | |
| Because they didn't want Debbie Allen. | ||
| I didn't say that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| She was like, she was like, they... | ||
| We're not saying who, but they were like, you know, she hasn't directed a sitcom in 25 years, so how could... | ||
| It was like, you don't forget how to direct... | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| It was like a thing where it's like... | ||
| Everybody wants the new and the new and the new. | ||
| But it was just a thing where it was like, no, like, we promise you, she can kill it. | ||
| And so Pat was like, you know what we gonna do? | ||
| I said, well, she said, we gonna backdoor these motherfuckers again, and we gonna go... | ||
| We jumped our black ass on a plane. | ||
| I said, shut the fuck up. | ||
| They was like, well, we got a whole list of directors. | ||
| I said, well, you go ahead and keep typing. | ||
| We flew to Atlanta. | ||
| I don't listen, no, but I believe in myself. | ||
| I said, keep typing, motherfuckers. | ||
| And I said, okay, send the list. | ||
| I said, Jordan, get your motherfucking ass and meet me in Atlanta. | ||
| We're going to meet Debbie Allen. | ||
| We walked up on that set. | ||
| We talked to her. | ||
| We left. | ||
| We're like, oh, she got the job. | ||
| Because she knew that I wanted to return to that old school vibe. | ||
| Everybody does laugh tracks now. | ||
| Everybody has a different way of writing now. | ||
| But I wanted to go back to that old school vibe where it was like, you know, you would shoot two shows. | ||
| Like for that pilot, we shot two shows. | ||
| We had two different audiences. | ||
| We had a four o'clock show and a seven o'clock show. | ||
| And we edited it together. | ||
| So that way you keep that speed. | ||
| So you're not asking the audience to laugh at the same scene over and over and over again. | ||
| That's so smart. | ||
| It's like you just go straight through. | ||
| And you move, move, move, move, move. | ||
| And she understood exactly what I was trying to do. | ||
| It's like theater. | ||
| It's like a repertory theater. | ||
| And so it was like the three of us were just a trifecta. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| She took me in her bag. | ||
| We went to her house. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| She can fucking cook too. | ||
| Lamb chop. | ||
| Debbie, I love you. | ||
| So she took me to her house where she did dance with Michael Jackson, showing the moves and shit. | ||
| And she worked with my acting. | ||
| And she would just tell us stories and she just really fucking helped me out so much. | ||
| And that's another reason why I wanted her to direct it because I felt like she knew what it was. | ||
| I'm young. | ||
| I mean, I'm not young, but I'm a young actor. | ||
| And she just wrapped her fucking arms around me. | ||
| She said, I'm going to show you exactly what to fucking do. | ||
| And boy, we had a week or two weeks rehearsal, and she rolled my ass. | ||
| Because there was times I would leave that rehearsal and go to her fucking house and rehearse some more. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And she wasn't even getting paid for that. | ||
| And that was all because she cared. | ||
| I just have a hard time believing that someone would push back on her directing it. | ||
| Man, you'd be surprised. | ||
| I'm not surprised though. | ||
| There's fucking executives. | ||
| There's executives that young people eat fucking Brussels sprouts. | ||
| Not the Brussels sprouts. | ||
| What's that little shit that look like a little hay on your plate? | ||
| Quinoa? | ||
| No, I like quinoa. | ||
| What are you talking about? | ||
| The little breast or something. | ||
| Bean sprouts? | ||
| Bean sprouts. | ||
| Them motherfuckers. | ||
| Yeah, people who eat bean sprouts. | ||
| They eat bean sprouts with nothing on them. | ||
| And they making the fucking decision. | ||
| They're empty-minded motherfuckers. | ||
| And you're like, you couldn't make you laugh if you got butt naked. | ||
| And I was like... | ||
| Just stupid. | ||
| I was like, okay, it's y'all money, whatever you want to do. | ||
| The beautiful thing is as the show becomes successful, and I believe it will become successful, you'll be able to do whatever the fuck you want to do. | ||
| I would pray and hope that they would listen a little bit more. | ||
| Trust me a little bit. | ||
| That's why shows like South Park is the best example. | ||
| They don't even have to talk to Comedy Central anymore. | ||
| They just deliver their episodes. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Shut the fuck up. | ||
| Shut the fuck up. | ||
| Here it is. | ||
| Shut up. | ||
| And when you're a young writer, that was another glitch we had. | ||
| Like the writing room. | ||
| You mess around and you hire people that don't get your show. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| And writers are the most sensitive motherfuckers I ever met in my life. | ||
| We're comics, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So if you don't like something, Joe, you're like, Pat, that shit ain't funny, right? | ||
| We talk shit to each other. | ||
| We talk shit to each other. | ||
| But I didn't know that you couldn't bring that in the writing room. | ||
| So I was like, dude, that shit ain't funny. | ||
| Stop laughing at you motherfucker self. | ||
| I was like, this shit is horrible. | ||
| Who the fuck wrote this? | ||
| You think I've been doing this shit 20 years and I got in trouble. | ||
| But I'm like, I'm a fucking comic. | ||
| When you say in trouble, like what happens? | ||
| I had to go out and get some, I had to get a life coach. | ||
|
unidentified
|
A life coach? | |
| She helped the shit out of me. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ah! | |
| You had to go get a life coach. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They told you to get a life coach? | ||
| I had to get a life coach. | ||
| Because of the way you're communicating with the writers? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That weren't funny? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because you don't supposed to say- But why would anybody fuck with your chemistry, like who you are? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Don't do that. | ||
| But you know what it is? | ||
| It has a lot to do with the fact that people see that we've never done this before. | ||
| And they thought we were some pusses. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| It's people who have been doing it for 30, 40 years. | ||
| So when we come in and we're like, no, we want to do it like this. | ||
| They're like, that's not how it works. | ||
| It's like, that's the point. | ||
| We don't want to do how it works. | ||
| We want to do the other thing. | ||
| And I think that for Pat, it was like she just wasn't used to having to communicate in a way where you didn't piss people off. | ||
| Like, they're not used to that. | ||
| They're used to people being like, oh, we love this, or oh, you know what I mean? | ||
| But probably be like, that shit not funny. | ||
| Stop laughing. | ||
| Now, what does a life coach tell you? | ||
| You can't tell people that shit ain't funny. | ||
| But that's the only way you get to the point. | ||
| Yeah, and then so I started using words like, can we try a little harder? | ||
| The problem is if someone's writing shit that's not funny and they think it's funny, they're probably not good. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| And I was saying that in the beginning. | ||
| You suck. | ||
| Stop it. | ||
| I don't think they suck. | ||
| I think that people have been trained to write a certain way in Hollywood. | ||
| They write what's palatable. | ||
| They write the thing that gets them the check. | ||
| They didn't care about anything. | ||
| I cared about this. | ||
| I cared about this. | ||
| And I was like, if I'm going to go down, I'm going to go down with my fucking mistakes. | ||
| Not nothing that I'll let you talk me into doing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| And that was the hard part. | ||
| You know, I'm like, this is the Miss Pat show. | ||
| This is not your show. | ||
| You know, well, you can't say those things. | ||
| Well, I'm a comic. | ||
| We tell each other all the time, that joke ain't funny. | ||
| That shit, get the fuck out of here. | ||
| You think I heard that wack-ass shit? | ||
| Well, not only that, comics will thank you because they know that, oh, you're right. | ||
| And then they know they have to go either abandon it or start from scratch. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, I had a joke in my shit, board game board. | ||
| I'm like, nigga, please. | ||
| Board Game Board? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Yeah, that been on every sitcom from the day sitcom was created. | ||
| I don't know what you're saying. | ||
| Me either. | ||
| I think she said, like, somebody was like, we're playing board games, we're so bored playing board games, like something like that. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Yeah, like I had never heard that. | ||
| I'm like, and then you would pick it out and the people would get offended. | ||
| I'm like, you know, I'm not trying to throw any writers up on you. | ||
| You do you. | ||
| I just know this show was about me. | ||
| And I used to tell them, bitch, you can't out funny me. | ||
| I think Jordan is right though, that if they're getting jobs, they're writing, you know, they have like a standard way of doing it, and it's probably getting them gigs, and they're used to... | ||
| Right, so when you challenge that, they're like, what are you doing? | ||
| Right, like, have you ever tried to watch, like, what is that show, Big Bang Theory? | ||
| You ever try to watch that show? | ||
| Shut up, Joe. | ||
| That's what I'm saying. | ||
| That's what I'm saying. | ||
| Try watching it. | ||
| It's like they're writing it for aliens. | ||
| But meanwhile, that show made a fucking billion dollars. | ||
| I don't understand it, but it was very popular. | ||
| It's for people who get home from work and they're on pills and they just stand there staring at it. | ||
| And it tells them when to laugh. | ||
| But that's why we wanted to do a different kind of sitcom. | ||
| Because if you watch sitcoms now, it's just corny. | ||
| It's just corny. | ||
| It's a formula. | ||
| And they press a laugh track. | ||
| We were in the middle of a pandemic, but I still wanted to fight for a live studio audience. | ||
| I was like, how are we going to know the joke is funny if we don't have real people laughing? | ||
| Just because we think it's funny doesn't mean it actually lands. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| You have to try it out in front of an audience. | ||
| We would do shoots. | ||
| We would shoot the episode without an audience. | ||
| Stop hitting the fucking tape. | ||
| You don't pick up the mic. | ||
| Shoot the episode without an audience and then shoot the episode with the audience. | ||
| And we never used the footage without an audience because the energy was just different. | ||
| It's different. | ||
| It's just a different energy. | ||
| So I would say like 95% of what you see when you watch the show is all live audience. | ||
| Especially with you. | ||
| Well, I did learn a lot too. | ||
| I'm sure. | ||
| I learned the things you can't say to writers. | ||
| What is that experience like with a life coach? | ||
| They sit in a room. | ||
| No, they're on the phone. | ||
| Oh, it's on the phone. | ||
| When you want to vent, you call that person and they'll tell you how to go by instead of saying, you know, motherfucker, I'll knock your goddamn head off. | ||
| So it wasn't even in person? | ||
| They wanted you to do the life coach over the phone? | ||
| We did it Zoomed. | ||
| But it helped so fucking much. | ||
| Really? | ||
| It really did help me. | ||
| She shifted. | ||
| That was a big shift. | ||
| It was a big... | ||
| It was corporate world. | ||
| I wasn't used to corporate. | ||
| You don't even talk about corporate. | ||
| I'm stealing. | ||
| But this time, you know, I learned a lot. | ||
| I really did. | ||
| She calmed me the fuck down. | ||
| I mean, she taught me how to breathe when I was upset. | ||
| I mean, she taught me how to choose better words. | ||
| Because I'm from the street. | ||
| I'm ready to fight, motherfucker. | ||
| Shut the fuck up. | ||
| You know, that's how I am. | ||
| And it just, it helped a lot. | ||
| It really did. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| That's interesting. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, I was like, bitch, where you been? | ||
| I've been needing you. | ||
| I wouldn't have all you convicted fellas. | ||
| When we met, I told you, I was like, you should probably go to therapy. | ||
| You were like, I ain't doing no goddamn therapy. | ||
| Comedy, my therapist. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Well, if you keep going, then you'll be able to put together a writing room that, like, complements your style. | ||
| Yes! | ||
| Right. | ||
| That's the goal. | ||
| That's the goal. | ||
| Because I felt like there was a lot of, like, I felt like a lot of my energy was spent, like, just hovering, almost, because I wanted to make sure that everything was just right. | ||
| And I didn't want her to have to worry about it, because she already got to learn a script. | ||
| So I don't want her to have to worry about, like, oh, the joke doesn't work, or, oh, this story doesn't make sense, or, oh, so it was a lot of, like, trying to, it was a lot of rewriting. | ||
| Like, both of us, she would call me at, like, 5 o'clock in the morning. | ||
| We would get a script. | ||
| She would call me at 5 o'clock in the morning and cry. | ||
| Be like, I don't know what they're doing. | ||
| It was just one episode that made me cry. | ||
| I said, I don't know what the fuck this writer wrote, but, Joe, I was crying. | ||
| I said, get the fuck up right now. | ||
| This shit done drive my puss out. | ||
| We about to die. | ||
| I was, I... I thought I was going to die. | ||
| It was hot, flashy, everything. | ||
| I just couldn't do it. | ||
| But it's like, that's the best thing. | ||
| They worked hard. | ||
| They worked hard. | ||
| But it just didn't mesh. | ||
| The way we tell stories and the way that they tell stories just didn't. | ||
| Some of them. | ||
| But we had some really great writers. | ||
| I'm going to be honest with you. | ||
| We rewrote the whole fucking season. | ||
| Literally, that was not a strip that we did not touch. | ||
| And we learned a lot about that. | ||
| I mean, from credits to everything else. | ||
| We touched. | ||
| That was not a night that when they turned in a strip, we didn't have to go back and fix. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Twelve episodes. | |
| A lot of writing. | ||
| But it makes sense with a new show, too, because it's like, you know, it's a new machine. | ||
| So it's like, we have to like, they did great. | ||
| Like, they're good. | ||
| I don't want them to watch this and be like, oh, they did great. | ||
| But it was just a thing where we... | ||
| Some of the voices wasn't ringing all the way through, because my daughter wrote on the show. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Yeah, my youngest daughter wrote on the show. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| That was her... | ||
| What's the name of the episode? | ||
| That's my daughter's episode. | ||
| She wrote that. | ||
| Even her episode, we had to go back and touch. | ||
| So it wasn't about if they wasn't good enough. | ||
| It was more about... | ||
| Some of it, I had to put more of my voice in it. | ||
| It wasn't ringing home true to who I was in some of the episodes. | ||
| And we kind of got an understanding with the writing room. | ||
| Hey, yeah, we're going to have to touch every strip. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Because this is our project and nobody cares about it like we did. | ||
| Well, no one's going to understand what you're trying to accomplish other than you. | ||
| Especially if you get some person 32 years old who has been writing sitcoms for the last two years and they think they know what they're doing and they sit down with you and they're like, who is this fucking tornado of a woman? | ||
| This is ridiculous. | ||
| Try preparing for someone like you without ever meeting someone like you. | ||
| You know, so you gotta look at it from their perspective, too. | ||
| It's a shock. | ||
| Yeah, they can't pretend someone like you exists and write it. | ||
| You know, they have to kind of meet you, and then they meet you like, what the fuck? | ||
| Like, they would have to, like, listen to you on every podcast, watch your stand-up, and get a sense of who you are. | ||
| And even then, they'd probably be too timid to write the way you speak. | ||
| Well, I'm really a nice person. | ||
| You're a very nice person. | ||
| I love everybody. | ||
| You really do. | ||
| But I'm going to say, that shit ain't funny. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I think I should have that right to say that shit ain't funny. | ||
| It's important. | ||
| Because if you don't say it, then they just do it the way they wrote it, and then it sucks. | ||
| And then it's you. | ||
| I had a podcast with the guy from... | ||
| What's the comedian named? | ||
| The Redneck Dude. | ||
| Oh, God. | ||
| Want to be a redneck? | ||
| I cannot think of a name. | ||
| Oh, Jeff Foxworth? | ||
| Yeah, so I did his podcast. | ||
| He has a podcast? | ||
| Yeah, he has a podcast. | ||
| And I was doing a podcast with him one day and he was saying that was some of the problem that he had. | ||
| He was like, I wouldn't say this shit. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And he said to the point where they didn't even want him in the writer's room. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| They did that with Roseanne, too. | ||
| They kicked her out of the writer's room? | ||
| Yeah, the new series for the second season, they kicked her out of the writer's room. | ||
| Executives have these ideas, and writers have these ideas like, we know what we're doing. | ||
| And when you have a strong voice like yours, especially yours, because it's so unusual. | ||
| Miss Pat is like... | ||
| You don't have another example. | ||
| There's no other one like you. | ||
| Try to find another Miss Pat. | ||
| So for them to try to put it together... | ||
| If you get a regular person like, oh, he's like Tim Allen, or oh, he's like this person. | ||
| You can do that with a lot of sitcoms. | ||
| But with you, they're fucked. | ||
| They would literally have to try to think like you, and that's hard. | ||
| It's hard to do. | ||
| This kid got it. | ||
| But that's the thing is that this kid, right? | ||
| He's not corrupted by the system yet. | ||
| And for you to get out of the gate with a show like this, I mean, this is amazing. | ||
| It's an amazing opportunity for you, but it's also perfect for you because he's fresh and he's not fucked up by this goofy machine that makes terrible TV shows. | ||
| Because there is a machine and they make a lot of money off those terrible shows. | ||
| They want to keep making those stupid fucking shows. | ||
| Yeah, and that's what I was happy to. | ||
| I was like, oh my God, I'm so happy because he got so many other projects now on the book. | ||
| Oh, do you? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I said, he's writing a movie now. | ||
| 26? | ||
| Yeah, for Netflix. | ||
| Out the door. | ||
| Guns blazing. | ||
| I mean, when I first met him, he didn't have no food. | ||
| He got on Prada Books today, Joe. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| She's not lying, though. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| I was like, oh, I remember when I was loaning you my car. | ||
| You get credit better than mine. | ||
| But he believed in it. | ||
| I mean, that's what I loved the most. | ||
| And I just wanted to see... | ||
| I didn't want her to... | ||
| Because I can only imagine what the show would have been. | ||
| And I just didn't want her to get put on TV in front of a screen and not be herself. | ||
| It just would have been painful. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I don't know if you, I don't know if you ain't got a black mama, but my mom is like, she's like Pat. | ||
| She talks like Pat. | ||
| Hey mama, hood bitch. | ||
| But then it's like, when you get on the phone with like executives or like white people or like rich people, it's like, if you don't sit your ass down, I'm gonna be like, hello? | ||
|
unidentified
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Hi! | |
| Hi! | ||
| And I just didn't want it to be that. | ||
| I wanted her to be her. | ||
| And I feel like that's why I kept bringing up Richard Pryor and Red Fox and Flip Wilson and all these comedians, LaWanda Page, who couldn't be themselves on these shows. | ||
| And it's like... | ||
| Her crown was bought and paid for, and now she just has to put it on. | ||
| Like, they did all that so she could do the Miss Pat show on BET+. You know what I mean? | ||
| Yeah, no, that was my fear watching it, that they weren't going to get you. | ||
| And that they're going to put you in some sitcom. | ||
| But then when I watched it, I'm like, this is you. | ||
| It's actually you. | ||
| And for people that don't understand how hard that is to do, There's one thing for a person to be themselves. | ||
| There's another thing for someone to write out that person and write that person interacting with a fake husband and fake children and a fake kitchen and try to put it together and make it seem like it's really you really having fun with your family. | ||
| And you nailed it. | ||
| You did it. | ||
| One of the hardest things in all of the sitcom world is Taking a comedian and recreating their voice for a show. | ||
| It's very hard and very few shows have ever done it right. | ||
| Yeah, that's what I hear all the time. | ||
| It's really true. | ||
| I mean, if you go back and think about all the different shows where a comedian starred in that show and played some goofy caricature of themselves, that's what most of them are. | ||
| They very rarely nail the essence. | ||
| But your show is you. | ||
| It really is you. | ||
| So you should be proud of that. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
|
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Thank you. | |
| I can't imagine it's not going to be huge. | ||
| I really can't. | ||
| I think it's going to be huge. | ||
| I really do. | ||
| It's fucking good. | ||
| Well, thank you, Joe. | ||
| Y'all heard Joe Rogan? | ||
| The same way you buy them muscle balls. | ||
| All that soy milk, all the good shit he tell you. | ||
| I don't know what people do for health and shit. | ||
| I mean, I drink cow milk. | ||
| This is like vitamins. | ||
| I do too. | ||
| I drink cow milk. | ||
| I don't fucking like soy milk. | ||
| I only use it if I'm cooking. | ||
| Now I just feel weird. | ||
| I feel like I'm sucking on somebody's titty when I'm drinking it. | ||
| It's nasty. | ||
| A little bit. | ||
| Why? | ||
| Tastes good with cookies, though. | ||
| Because we're the only species that drinks other species. | ||
| Yeah, you know what else we do? | ||
| We fly planes. | ||
| We make movies. | ||
| You ain't lying about that. | ||
| We shoot guns. | ||
| We do a lot of shit that other species don't do. | ||
| And we suck cow titties. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I ain't never suck no cow titties. | ||
| When you drink milk, you do. | ||
| I ain't sucking no titties. | ||
| You got me fucked up. | ||
| You don't have to suck them. | ||
| Somebody else did it for you. | ||
| Somebody else did it and I paid for it. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| When I make a macaroni and cheese or you're baking a cake or something. | ||
| Oh, then you'll accept it. | ||
| Yeah, then I can suck the cow titty. | ||
| You ain't sucking no cow titty. | ||
| I feel like I'm sucking cow titty. | ||
| Something is mentally wrong with you. | ||
| I guess so. | ||
| I guess so. | ||
|
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|
I'd rather suck almond titties because almonds don't have titties. | |
| Almonds are ridiculous. | ||
| Are you crazy, Jordan? | ||
| No, almonds don't have titties. | ||
| So when you drink almond milk, it's good. | ||
| This is not milk. | ||
| You shouldn't call it milk. | ||
| Why not? | ||
| It's milk. | ||
| It's not. | ||
| But I have to fool myself because it's white and it's creamy. | ||
| Yeah, but it's just fucked up almond water. | ||
|
unidentified
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Don't you have sex? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| What's that got to do with milk? | ||
| What's that got to do with milk? | ||
| It's white and creamy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I mean, I guess. | |
| It ain't a gallon of it, but it's white and creamy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Apparently not if you get a vasectomy. | |
| Well, your man ain't got no vasectomy. | ||
| I don't understand. | ||
| I think he anti-titties. | ||
| I don't mind titties. | ||
| There's a lot of people that have that thought about milk, that we are the only species that drinks the milk of other animals. | ||
| The vegan people say the same thing. | ||
| Don't eat the women running around here with blood on themselves in KFC. I'm like, bitch, I don't care what you do. | ||
| Don't you burn your ass down to Chick-fil-A with this bullshit. | ||
| People do that to protest? | ||
| They put blood on themselves? | ||
| Yeah, somebody was standing in KFC with fucking blood. | ||
| You're killing the chicken and I'm going to fuck you up if you fuck up my number one. | ||
|
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|
See, they don't know because that ain't real chicken. | |
| Ain't nobody getting killed. | ||
| KFC's not real chicken. | ||
| Don't say that shit. | ||
| This is a Joe Rogan park. | ||
| Can you get sued? | ||
| There's bones. | ||
| It's good. | ||
| I heard it wasn't real. | ||
| What? | ||
| I heard that a lot of fast food chicken is not chicken and chicken. | ||
| Listen, if you buy Kentucky Fried Chicken and it has a bone in it, they're not putting bones in fake chickens. | ||
| It's cheaper. | ||
| Don't they put the shots in the shit? | ||
| They put the shots in everything. | ||
| You got the COVID shot. | ||
| What the fuck you worried about it for? | ||
| Those shots are expensive. | ||
| What they've done is it's selective breeding and they've created these animals that grow faster and they have larger breasts. | ||
| That's the problem. | ||
| What do you mean by created? | ||
| I'm trying to explain to you. | ||
| Every time you nut you create something. | ||
| I'm trying to explain to you. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| It's selective breeding. | ||
| It's the same reason why we have poodles and we also have German shepherds. | ||
| It's selective breeding. | ||
| So they take big chickens to fuck other big chickens. | ||
| They've turned chickens into this new thing that they can't... | ||
| If you buy like a chicken from 50, 60 years ago, it took a long time for those chickens to get large. | ||
| Now chickens grow large way quicker. | ||
| They're way bigger than they used to be before. | ||
| And everybody thinks they're pumping chickens with steroids. | ||
| They're not. | ||
| They're not. | ||
| It's selective breeding. | ||
| They do use antibiotics with cows. | ||
| The reason why they use antibiotics with cows, though, is because they're feeding them things that the cows are not supposed to eat and they develop all these infections because cows are not supposed to be eating corn. | ||
| When you buy a steak and it's all that marbling, what that is is a sick animal. | ||
| That's why it has so much fat in it. | ||
| If you give those animals antibiotics, you can keep them from getting ill and they can get them to slaughter. | ||
| But even animals, even if you buy cows, steroids are expensive. | ||
| They're not going to fill them up with steroids. | ||
| It's selective breeding for the most part. | ||
| So, can you buy your meat from the street? | ||
| Excuse me? | ||
| Do you buy your meat from the grocery store? | ||
| I hunt. | ||
| I know. | ||
| I still hunt. | ||
| Most of the meat that I eat, I like to get it myself. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Sometimes I be tapping on the shit. | ||
| God damn it, Joe. | ||
| You fucking up my diet. | ||
| I've always been so curious. | ||
| I would like to do that, but I feel like I would have pity on that. | ||
| I couldn't watch me shoot them. | ||
| There's definitely a sense of loss. | ||
| There's definitely a feeling of loss. | ||
| Do you have a moment of silence? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What are you killing? | ||
| Elk, mostly. | ||
| Because if I shoot one elk, I could eat it for a year. | ||
| What do elk taste like? | ||
| Delicious. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| Is it grainy like deer? | ||
| Well, it's like deer, but it's more delicious. | ||
| It's darker. | ||
| It's like a dark red. | ||
| It's fantastic. | ||
| So you don't buy meat at the grocery store? | ||
|
unidentified
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I do. | |
| I still buy meat at the grocery store. | ||
| But for the most part, I like to get my meat from hunting. | ||
| That's so cool. | ||
| Do you kill pigs too? | ||
| I'll kill the shit out of them. | ||
| Oh shit. | ||
| I can't. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Yeah, especially wild ones. | ||
| That's the only one you hunt. | ||
| Do you eat them too? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Do you shoot chickens? | ||
| No. | ||
|
unidentified
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No. | |
| I've never killed a chicken. | ||
| My mama did on the clothesline. | ||
| I almost killed a chicken that tried to bite my daughter. | ||
| Chickens are ruthless little fucks. | ||
| I don't know if you know this, but chickens are like little dinosaurs. | ||
| I used to have chickens, but they got all killed by coyotes when I lived in L.A. But if you put like a baby mouse in a room with chickens, they will swarm on it faster than a cat. | ||
| They are ferocious. | ||
| They're ferocious. | ||
| They are such little monsters. | ||
| Like if they find a mouse, they attack that fucking mouse, a rat, a rat will not survive five seconds in a chicken coop. | ||
| Chicken eat rats. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| They don't just eat them. | ||
| They run after them and fucking attack them. | ||
|
unidentified
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What? | |
| Savagely. | ||
| They tear mice apart. | ||
| They were fighting over it. | ||
| I put a mouse in the chicken coop. | ||
| It's a long story, but here's the story. | ||
| We put a glass fence on my house and hawks would be flying into this fence and knocking themselves out. | ||
| It was kind of fucked up. | ||
| We KO'd like three or four hawks. | ||
| It was not good. | ||
| So we're trying to figure out what to do with this one hawk. | ||
| It was wounded, but it was still alive, and we had to bring it to this wildlife rescue center. | ||
| So over the weekend, the center was closed. | ||
| We had to wait till Monday, and the hawk got fucked up on Friday. | ||
| So we went to the store, and you buy these things called pinkies. | ||
| Pinkies are little baby mice that they feed to reptiles. | ||
| People own snakes and shit like that. | ||
| So my daughters rehabilitated this hawk and fed it these little pinkies, and it ate a few of them, but it had one left. | ||
| And they were like, we want to keep that one and raise it. | ||
| You just fed the other ones to this fucking hawk. | ||
| Now you want to raise it? | ||
| And I'm like, first of all, it's a mouse. | ||
| You're not going to have a pet mouse. | ||
| And second of all, this little baby needs milk to survive. | ||
| It's not weaned yet. | ||
| They literally sell them to be fed almost immediately to reptiles and lizards. | ||
| So we eventually get over this and I tell them I'm gonna go feed it to the chickens. | ||
| So I go out into the chicken coop. | ||
| I open the door of the chicken coop. | ||
| I put this thing down and they knew exactly what it was. | ||
|
unidentified
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They just... | |
| They swarmed on it. | ||
| One chicken got it and the rest of the chickens chased this chicken around. | ||
| They were trying to pull it out of her face. | ||
| It was wild. | ||
| The most ferocious shit I've ever seen in my life. | ||
| I've never heard that. | ||
| There's a fun video of a chicken and a cat. | ||
| And the cat is trying to play with this mouse. | ||
| And the cat is like creeping up on this mouse. | ||
| And the chicken is like, bitch, give me that! | ||
| And runs over and steals it from the cat. | ||
| And the chicken just starts fucking it. | ||
| They don't play with their food either. | ||
| They kill it. | ||
| This is why I don't mess with birds. | ||
| Watch this. | ||
| Look at this cat. | ||
| See this cat? | ||
| So the cat's got the mouse, and it's like, look at this mouse. | ||
| I can't believe I got him. | ||
| And cats, you know, they're playing on their instincts. | ||
| And so this cat is, like, fucking around with this mouse, but not killing it. | ||
| Just swatting at it. | ||
| And the chicken recognizes that this cat is pussyfooting around. | ||
| Look at that chicken. | ||
| Look at this chicken. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look at him. | |
| No, he did not. | ||
| Yes, he did. | ||
| You son of a bitch. | ||
| Yeah, look at that. | ||
| He's like, give me that shit. | ||
| Look at him tearing it apart. | ||
| Not Ben. | ||
| She's just slaughtering him. | ||
| I'm turning vegan. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| See, this is why I don't fuck with birds. | ||
| And that cat just stepped back like, okay, you got it. | ||
| I've never seen. | ||
| I didn't know. | ||
| Chickens are ruthless. | ||
| This chicken attacked my daughter when she was like three and was pecking at her feet. | ||
| And my wife was like, she didn't know. | ||
| The chicken didn't know. | ||
| I go, no, she knew. | ||
| She was trying to eat her. | ||
| They try to eat each other. | ||
| They're pecking at each other. | ||
| That's why they call it pecking order. | ||
| Like chickens will murder each other. | ||
| So you went out there and slapped the shit out of the chicken? | ||
| I grabbed that little motherfucker. | ||
| And I was like, you have seconds left to live. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Seconds. | |
| Did you eat him after you killed him? | ||
| No, I didn't kill it. | ||
| I didn't kill it. | ||
| But my wife was like, just give it a chance. | ||
| She never fucked with my daughter again. | ||
| She never fucked with anybody again. | ||
| You jacked the chicken up, John? | ||
| I grabbed it by its neck. | ||
| I grabbed it by its neck. | ||
| And they were trying to talk me into not killing it right there and then. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I was like, I will fucking kill you. | |
| And the chicken was like, okay. | ||
| I put it down and that was the end of that. | ||
| Never did it again. | ||
| It's almost like it knew. | ||
| One time I had just remodeled my house. | ||
| I lived in Riverdale, Georgia. | ||
| And I don't know how these rats got in my house. | ||
| Big ass rats. | ||
| And they had chewed through the captains that I had just had some brand new captains put in. | ||
| And my husband go downstairs to fix my daughter's bottle, Joe. | ||
| And my daughter, Gary, probably was three months old, and he cut on a light and two big-ass rats in the kitchen. | ||
| He came back upstairs. | ||
| He said, motherfucking rats trying to get my baby. | ||
| And he go back downstairs, and it was a can of tuna because we had been shopping. | ||
| And he got up on the island, and this motherfucker threw this can of tuna and hit this cat on the head. | ||
| I mean, they hit this rat on the head. | ||
| The rat stood up and said, and just fell back when the other rat said, these niggas killing niggas. | ||
| That motherfuckin' rat squares back through that hole. | ||
| He killed him with a can of tuna. | ||
| He killed him with a can of tuna. | ||
| He stood up like he was praying and just fell. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And I said, no, don't hit him no more. | |
| My husband don't give a fuck. | ||
| One time, a squirrel got in the house, and I was so scared. | ||
| My daughter was, I had a C-6 with my son. | ||
| So, it was just me and one other kid had to stay home and help me. | ||
| All day, we in the room, scared of them motherfuckers. | ||
| My husband was coming for her. | ||
| I said, it's a fucking squirrel downstairs. | ||
| It's a squirrel downstairs, and we ain't been able to eat all day because we scared of the squirrel. | ||
| My husband went in that living room, moved that sofa, slapped the shit out of that squirrel, and opened the back door and kicked that motherfucker so hard, it just, it caught onto the tree. | ||
| I said, "Motherfucker, you going to jail for animal abuse." He had just bought a truck one time. | ||
| He come out, all these cats just laying on top of the truck. | ||
| He whooped them cats' ass. | ||
| Do you hear me? | ||
| He mean as fuck. | ||
| He don't abuse animal, okay? | ||
| Don't be calling Peter on a nigga. | ||
| He just don't want you in his house or sitting on his new truck. | ||
| I understand. | ||
| I went to the airport once and I left my car there for a week. | ||
| We went to Italy and we came back home and cats at the airport, they live there. | ||
| There's a bunch of cats living at LAX. They had shit all over my car. | ||
| I mean, all over it. | ||
| It was all over the ceiling of the moonroof was covered with shit and piss. | ||
| Like they had decided that my truck was a litter box. | ||
| It was disgusting. | ||
| And they stink. | ||
| I think it's still on Instagram somewhere. | ||
| Do you have cats? | ||
| Not anymore, no. | ||
| What you got, dogs? | ||
| Oh, I just love your dog. | ||
| Your dog got more followers than I do. | ||
| He's so cute. | ||
| What kind of dog do you have? | ||
| He's a golden retriever. | ||
| I had a German Shepherd pup pup. | ||
| Oh, those are great. | ||
| They're smart dogs, though. | ||
| Yeah, he killed himself, though. | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| What happened? | ||
| Ronald Reagan got reelected. | ||
| He jumped out the back porch. | ||
| That was the cover of my sunroof. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| By the way, that's just a little bit of it. | ||
| When I drove, it was making all this noise. | ||
| I was like, what the fuck is on the roof? | ||
| And we stopped, and my daughter started laughing. | ||
| They said, there's shit on your roof. | ||
| I'm like, no! | ||
| Joe, that don't look like cat turds. | ||
| That look like grown motherfucking turds. | ||
| No, that was cats. | ||
| I saw the cats. | ||
| Oh, God. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They had done dried out and everything. | ||
| You were gone for a while. | ||
| We were gone for like, it says I was parked there for 11 days when we were in Italy. | ||
| They had shit and pissed all over the sunroof. | ||
| It was crazy. | ||
| You drove for 35 miles. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's all that was left. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, that was after I drove, right? | ||
| That was at the gas station. | ||
| So I drove 35 miles home. | ||
| So you didn't get bottled water and poured on top of it? | ||
| No, I got it washed. | ||
| Took it somewhere. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Did it leak in your car? | ||
| No, no, no, no. | ||
| It was just a glass sunroof. | ||
| But why they decided to shit there? | ||
| Like, they literally shit only on the glass. | ||
| They knew that was your car. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| They knew it was fans. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They thought this was going to be funny. | |
| They're like, he's going to laugh at this. | ||
| But I guess they keep cats at LAX to keep the rat population down. | ||
| Really? | ||
| They need to take them to New York? | ||
| Also, they do that on purpose. | ||
| They do it at Disneyland, too, you know. | ||
| At Disneyland, they have wild cats running around. | ||
| You'll see them at Disneyland. | ||
| I just love Disney. | ||
| You know, I am a Disney freak. | ||
| I fucking love Disney. | ||
| Universe Studios, I make them go every year. | ||
| I went to, let me tell you, so I was doing a radio interview and somebody, the guy was like, oh Miss Pat, you gotta do the VIP pass. | ||
| I'm quite sure you know the VIP pass. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I'm black. | ||
| I just got a few dollars. | ||
| So I was like, so I called my traveler. | ||
| I said, what the fuck is the VIP pass? | ||
| She said, I didn't think he wanted to pay that much. | ||
| It's 18 of us. | ||
| I said, well shit, you only live once. | ||
| Why not? | ||
| So she called back, she said, $12,000. | ||
| I was like, these niggas ain't got that kind of money. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So I paid for everybody. | |
| Oh, Joe, it was so fucking good. | ||
| I only rode three rides, but when I tell you, I kind of felt embarrassed a little bit because they take you through that side door and you pop out and everybody's like, is that an athlete? | ||
| Is that some movie star? | ||
| Who the fuck is it? | ||
| And it was 18 of us and I could just hear the chatter. | ||
| Who the fuck is these people? | ||
| And I kind of feel like I felt bad a little bit. | ||
| And then my friends who I was with, they would get out the ride and they want to get back on. | ||
| I say, you some greedy motherfuckers. | ||
| These people are waiting. | ||
| And so they're like, would you like to ride again? | ||
| He's like, yeah. | ||
| And they just kept jumping on the fucking rides. | ||
| Have you ever been to Disney World in Florida? | ||
| No, that's what we went. | ||
| We went to Disney World in Florida. | ||
| Yeah, we did do it, yeah. | ||
| Disney World has that Avatar ride. | ||
| Did you do that Avatar ride? | ||
| Oh, that's so cool. | ||
| That's so cool. | ||
| Not me. | ||
| They did it. | ||
| I don't do it. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| It's so cool. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| What's it called? | ||
| Throwing up. | ||
| Flights of something or another? | ||
| It's fucking incredible. | ||
| It's all virtual reality. | ||
| You have headsets on. | ||
| It's like you sit on top of this thing. | ||
| It looks like a motorcycle or a jet ski, but they strap you in, and in the virtual reality, you're flying on one of those dragons. | ||
| It's the best ride of all time. | ||
| Man, I think they rode it three or four times that day. | ||
| That's the ride. | ||
| They rode it. | ||
| Joe, we was finished with the park by 2 o'clock. | ||
| Play the video so people can see what it looks like when you ride it. | ||
| I'm telling you, it is 100% the greatest ride I've ever been on, by far. | ||
| By far. | ||
| Like, their POV right there, boom, Fights of Passage, POV. It's fucking incredible. | ||
| Incredible. | ||
| They loved it. | ||
| My family loved it, Joe. | ||
| You could feel the breeze and shit. | ||
| They have fans blowing on you. | ||
| All the scents of the flowers and the water. | ||
| And you have to sync up to that thing that you fly on. | ||
| What is it? | ||
| The dragon bird or whatever the fuck it is. | ||
| You link to it and then you fly off. | ||
| It's wild. | ||
| I mean, it is fucking wild. | ||
| And I love Disney World. | ||
| You stay at a resort. | ||
| I'm quite sure you got a home down there. | ||
| No, I don't have a home in Florida. | ||
| I love the resort. | ||
| I stayed at the... | ||
| What did I stay? | ||
| Contemporary. | ||
| It was okay, but I'm on my way back for Memorial Day, and there's like 60 of us going. | ||
| You excited? | ||
| Yeah, I love fucking Disney. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| And I don't do a lot of rides. | ||
| It's just like, just seeing... | ||
| You know, because I don't have family. | ||
| Real family. | ||
| You know, just the people that I take in. | ||
| And then I'm always, you know, just to see the people that I gather and see the smile on their faces. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, because I'm 49. I'm not going to get on that bullshit. | ||
| But I just feel like I'm with family. | ||
| I'm having fun. | ||
| And it just makes me happy. | ||
| And it's like Disney again. | ||
| Disney again, bitch. | ||
| It's either the boat or the park. | ||
| And you're going to shut the fuck up because I can finally afford to go to Disney. | ||
| And I didn't even know Disney exists when I was a little girl, okay? | ||
| So I'm going to fucking Disney. | ||
| And she rode around on a scooter. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Did you get a scooter? | |
| You got a Disney scooter? | ||
| How dare you? | ||
| How dare you? | ||
| Fuck you, Jordan. | ||
| You know how to walk? | ||
| What the fuck are you doing on one of those corners? | ||
| Let me tell you what happened. | ||
| Don't you tell me shit. | ||
| My husband, fuck you, Jordan, is hot out there. | ||
| I had a wig on. | ||
| He's trying to give a bitch a heat stroke. | ||
| You got a wig on? | ||
| My husband has a torn ACL, so I rented the scooter for him. | ||
| And he's like, I'm not getting on that old people shit. | ||
| And I'm like, you don't want to ride the scooter? | ||
| I don't pay for it. | ||
| He's like, I can fucking walk. | ||
| So I said, fuck it. | ||
| I'm getting on the fucking scooter. | ||
| So here I am, flying through the park on the fucking scooter. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| And we're walking every fucking way. | ||
| So I had the scooter already written and paid for. | ||
| I sure did ride that fucking scooter. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So you took a ride to get on the rides. | |
| Oh my God. | ||
| My husband's like, you should really get off that fucking scooter. | ||
| What would you have done if someone recognized you? | ||
| I got recognized like twice. | ||
| On the scooter? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I did like... | |
| You see my t-shirts I made? | ||
| I told my kids, don't ask for shit. | ||
| We just left Disney. | ||
| That's awesome. | ||
| Yeah, that's my niece. | ||
| We had so much fun. | ||
| I get into it, Joe. | ||
| We gotta have the ears. | ||
| You have to have the shirts. | ||
| If you don't participate, I kick you the fuck out of my group. | ||
| You have to stay where I'm staying. | ||
| You got to have the spirit. | ||
| Yeah, you got to. | ||
| And if you can't afford it, we're going to sell cookies or t-shirts till we all can afford this shit. | ||
| And some people, I was like, look, motherfucker, come on on the road. | ||
| I mean, you can work for me a little while. | ||
| We're going to do a bake sale. | ||
| We're going to go. | ||
| We're going to do this shit the right way. | ||
| Because the experience I had last year, I'm like, you're never going to get me to do park hopping again. | ||
| You're never going to get me at a Motel 6 again. | ||
| Bitch, I had a resort where they make up your bed when you blink your eye. | ||
| LAUGHTER You want to hear something crazy, Joe? | ||
| So we walk in the resort, it's 18 of us. | ||
| So I rented a car, and my kids got on that Mickey bus, right? | ||
| My whole family. | ||
| So we walk in, we all dressed alike. | ||
| Joe, I'm not going to say they was racist, but when you see 18 black folks walking to a place, you know, you ain't used to seeing it. | ||
| White folks are like, what the fuck? | ||
| They start to ask, are y'all a reunion? | ||
| I'm like, no, motherfucker, are you a reunion? | ||
|
unidentified
|
LAUGHTER Are you a reunion? | |
| Are you guys a reunion? | ||
| What are you celebrating? | ||
| We're on vacation, white people. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ain't you on vacation? | |
| And we got asked that shit like a hundred times. | ||
| Are you a reunion? | ||
| What do you guys celebrate? | ||
| Nothing. | ||
| What the fuck are you and them four white babies to celebrate? | ||
| We on vacation, white people. | ||
| We just dressed alike. | ||
| Can you leave us the fuck alone? | ||
| They kept asking us that. | ||
| Because every park I had a t-shirt for. | ||
| And you have to wear my fucking t-shirt and eels and hats. | ||
| I go all out. | ||
| And I do it all myself in between all of this bullshit I've been doing. | ||
| And they just, the whole weekend. | ||
| Every park you had a different shirt? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| I've already started making shirts. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I've already started making shirts. | |
| Disney World, for people who've only been at Disneyland, Disney World is like ten times bigger. | ||
| Ten times bigger. | ||
| It's so big. | ||
| I went and I could only go... | ||
| I was supposed to be there for two days, but it stormed, so my flight got canceled, so I could only do four parks in one day. | ||
| Oh, my feet was hurting. | ||
| My feet was hurting, going from Epcot to, what's the other one, Animal Kingdom. | ||
| And you know what? | ||
| Disney is so... | ||
| Okay, I bought all the Disney part, and then we did the VIP at the Universal. | ||
| But it rained so bad during 4th of July, right? | ||
| Oh, it rains a lot down in Florida. | ||
| Yeah, so it rained so bad that we couldn't go to Epcot. | ||
| So the lady who booked the trip, she's like, well, I've never heard of Disney giving your money back or giving you a refund. | ||
| I said, let me tell you something. | ||
| Ms. Troop, my third grade teacher, said the dumbest question is the question not asked. | ||
| I spent like six grand for all of these tickets, and we didn't use. | ||
| So she was like, well, Pat, you can give it a try. | ||
| I said, shit, I'm going to ask you anything, Joe. | ||
| If I'm broken, I need to borrow something, I'm going to call you. | ||
| Hey, Joe, I'm hurting. | ||
| Loan a bit of some money. | ||
| So I called Disney. | ||
| I said, look, we didn't use the 18 tickets. | ||
| They said, no problem. | ||
| You coming back next year? | ||
| I said, hell yeah! | ||
| Did you do the other Avatar ride, the one where you get on a boat? | ||
| We did all of them. | ||
| That one's beautiful. | ||
| I stayed behind because I had my grandkids, but I let them do. | ||
| We was through with that part. | ||
| We had so much fun. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, that's awesome. | |
| And so this time I'm doing VIP for all of Disney and VIP for Universal 2. Yeah. | ||
| It's going to be dope. | ||
| Orlando's a wild place in that regard, right? | ||
| There's so much shit you can do down there. | ||
| There's so much shit. | ||
| You know Disneyland is so big it has its own Bass Lake. | ||
| Yeah, Disney would take you on a bass fishing tour. | ||
| My youngest loves fishing. | ||
| So when my daughter was down there with my wife at another place, I took my youngest to go bass fishing. | ||
| Woke her up at like 5 o'clock in the morning. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, she loves it. | ||
| I'm going to see if my husband want to do that when we go back. | ||
| Yeah, it's great. | ||
| I'm telling you, it's like an amazing bass fishing lake. | ||
| Like there's bass all over the place in this lake. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| They keep it stocked. | ||
| Can you keep the bass? | ||
| No. | ||
| I don't like that kind of fishing. | ||
| Yeah, you're going to release them. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I want to catch something I'm going to eat. | ||
| Yeah, I understand. | ||
| Normally I do that, but my daughter was into it. | ||
| She just wanted to go. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I wonder what the fish be thinking, like when you have to throw them back. | ||
| I'm like, are y'all stupid? | ||
| Because why do you keep biting if you know that we always throw you back? | ||
| It's never real food, but you keep biting it. | ||
| There's plenty of real food out there, though. | ||
| You're tricking them. | ||
| There's so much real food. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, they put real food? | |
| Well, there is real food. | ||
| There's real fish. | ||
| They eat fish. | ||
| That's the only reason why they stay. | ||
| It's not like they don't survive off of what they get when you're fishing with them. | ||
| They survive off of minnows that are swimming around. | ||
| So it's like Russian Roulette. | ||
| You don't know if the hook is the guy. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| They don't see that well. | ||
| Their brains are very small. | ||
| That's what I was thinking. | ||
| I was like, why do they keep... | ||
| Nigga, don't you know it's a trick? | ||
| Why do you keep getting on the hook? | ||
| Well, it's almost like bad sex. | ||
| It's good, but you keep going back. | ||
| Well, most of the time... | ||
| Was that not a good finale? | ||
| No, it's a bad analogy. | ||
| If you eat a bass and that bass is five years old, if that bass got caught once in its life, that's a lot. | ||
| So out of the five years, it got caught once or maybe twice. | ||
| But 365 days a year, it's eating something. | ||
| So all day, every day, it's out there fucking up by the little fish. | ||
| And that's what bass do. | ||
| That's why their mouths are so big. | ||
| You learn something. | ||
| Yeah, I know. | ||
| Did you know that? | ||
| This boy actually thought they were just waiting on you to fish for them to eat. | ||
| Literally! | ||
| I didn't think that. | ||
| You've never been fishing? | ||
| No, I've been fishing, but we always keep them. | ||
| I never throw them back. | ||
| I fish for catfish, so we never keep them. | ||
| So I was like, when people want this property that you have to throw them back, why do they keep biting the damn hook? | ||
| They don't get caught that much. | ||
| If you think about a lake that's like, you know, a thousand acre lake or however big this lake is, how many fish are in there? | ||
| It's like, who the fuck knows? | ||
| Hundreds of thousands of fish. | ||
| See, I'm not used to fishing at big places like that. | ||
| He's from Poe Dirt, Texas, okay? | ||
| Joe, you're going to have to work for him. | ||
| He's going to come and visit a few more times. | ||
| I love catfish. | ||
| I love catfish. | ||
| It's so good, ain't it? | ||
| Have you ever fried the tail? | ||
| It tastes like french fries. | ||
| No. | ||
| If you cut off the tail whenever you're cooking them and you just batter it and put it in the pan, it tastes like french fries. | ||
| My mama used to fry the head. | ||
| The heads. | ||
| The cheeks are good. | ||
| You can cut the cheeks off. | ||
| She used to fry the catfish head and brim heads. | ||
| Brim? | ||
| Brim head? | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's a fish? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Brim head. | ||
| They got enough bones in them to kill you. | ||
| If you want to kill your mate, feed them a brim sandwich. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yeah, there's a lot of bony-ass fish like pike and apparently tarpon. | ||
| Tarpon's filled with bones. | ||
| A friend of mine caught a tarpon. | ||
| What is that one that's supposed to be a... | ||
| I'm going to fuck up the word because I fuck up a lot of words. | ||
| That make your dick hard. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| Which one? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fish? | |
| There's a fish? | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Oh, fuck it. | ||
| I wish Quix was in because she know everything that make your dick hard. | ||
| This is a fish that makes your dick hard? | ||
| Aphrodisiac. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What's that shit? | |
| That's an aphrodisiac? | ||
| But there's a fish that's an aphrodisiac? | ||
| What is it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Salmon? | |
| Salmon? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Get the fuck out of here. | |
| There's no salmon make your dick hard. | ||
| Like most seafood, salmon enjoys rich history as a natural aphrodisiac. | ||
| But it's only in recent times that we pinpoint this fish as a sexual powerhouse. | ||
| That sounds like something was written by a salmon fisherman. | ||
| I ain't never had no sex with nobody that ate no salmon. | ||
| Have you ever fucked after eating salmon? | ||
| Have I ever fucked after I had salmon? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm sure I have. | |
| Have you ever had sex after eating salmon? | ||
| I'm sure I have. | ||
| That's wild. | ||
| I don't think it's any different though. | ||
| I've never, I've never, that doesn't make any sense. | ||
| I don't, how could it be, like, see what does it say? | ||
| Who fuck after they eat? | ||
| I'll be up sleepy. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Who got that kind of energy? | ||
| Me. | ||
| Fish is loaded with minerals, amino acids, and heart-healthy fats that promote sexual well-being. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| There you go. | ||
| So I guess it's omega-3s. | ||
| Shouldn't you let it digest first? | ||
| I mean, your food? | ||
| You just gonna go banging on a full stomach, Joe? | ||
| You trying to throw up on a bitch. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, I'm not gonna throw up. | |
| I would if you're juggling me. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That whole thing's juggling. | |
| That shit gonna be right back in your face. | ||
| That should be an episode of your show. | ||
| Fucking after food. | ||
| You can't do that joke. | ||
| God damn. | ||
| Everybody ain't in your shape. | ||
| You get on the fat bitch, she gonna throw a hole up on you. | ||
| You gonna rock that whole meal off my ass. | ||
| This should be an episode of your show about how to time it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
After the food digest and you gonna take a nap. | |
| So you telling me you can eat a full meal and go in the bedroom and make love? | ||
| Oh hell yeah. | ||
| That's dangerous. | ||
| That's dangerous. | ||
| Some of that shit might be still stuck in my esophagus. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Can you do that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| What the fuck is wrong with me? | ||
| I'm out of shape. | ||
| When I can eat, me and my husband, we both gonna sleep. | ||
| I think we finally sleep at the table. | ||
| There's nothing wrong with that either. | ||
| So, is it good to have salmon? | ||
| I guess it would burn some calories. | ||
| Yeah, if you're horny. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Who cares? | |
| I need an aphrodisiac. | ||
| An aphrodisiac. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Some salmon. | |
| I eat salmon all the time and they never did shit for me. | ||
| Yeah, I don't believe in it. | ||
| That don't make sense. | ||
| I'm at the point now, and I know you probably don't want to hear this shit because you're a man. | ||
| I love to hear it. | ||
| I'm hot flashes, and they move. | ||
| I'm 49. They move. | ||
| They was in between my titties. | ||
| Now they in between. | ||
| They in my ass, Joe. | ||
| And this is when you hit menopause? | ||
| You get these hot flashes? | ||
| Well, it ain't stopping. | ||
| Well, they coming. | ||
| You get the symptoms, and then eventually you dry up. | ||
| So it's just like you get a heat. | ||
| It feels like you got a heat. | ||
| It's like somebody put a blow dryer in between your titties, and that's in my butt. | ||
| Yeah, it's in between my legs now. | ||
| They be fucking up my panty liners. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jesus. | |
| They say that oysters are supposed to be an aphrodisiac, right? | ||
| That makes sense, because I think the way you eat them is very sexual, the way people eat oysters. | ||
| Yeah, you suck on them. | ||
| Yeah, you have to get in there. | ||
| They look like undeveloped vaginas. | ||
| I can't eat them. | ||
| A little bit. | ||
| But I think they're rich in zinc. | ||
| I think that's why. | ||
| Zinc is good for... | ||
| I know how smart you is. | ||
| I need you to get somebody on this podcast to tell me about hot flesh. | ||
| How do we as women... | ||
| Deal with hot flashes. | ||
| That's a good question. | ||
| I wonder if there's something that you could use to mitigate it. | ||
| Whether it's a diet thing or maybe it's a hormonal supplement thing. | ||
| I've seen skinny people burning up, Joe. | ||
| No, no, that's not what I mean. | ||
| I mean diet, like foods, like different foods that you can eat that can mitigate it. | ||
| I don't mean like go on a diet. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| I mean like your diet, like what you eat. | ||
| But I think... | ||
| I bet it's hormones. | ||
| I bet they could give you hormones. | ||
| What do they do for hot flashes? | ||
| Jamie will find out. | ||
| I bet it's like hormonal replacement. | ||
| I bet that's what... | ||
| Estrogen. | ||
| Yeah, there it is. | ||
| Oh, so you could take estrogen supplements, maybe. | ||
| Yeah, you could take estrogen. | ||
| But then we grow neck hair. | ||
| No, that's testosterone. | ||
| The most effective way to release discomfort of hot flashes is to take estrogen. | ||
| But taking this hormone carries risks. | ||
| What are the risks? | ||
| Let's see what it says there. | ||
| The risks are you're going to want all the dick. | ||
| What are the risks? | ||
| It didn't say you're going to want all the dick. | ||
| Does it say? | ||
| What is the risk? | ||
| The most effective? | ||
| The risks. | ||
| Okay, where are the risks? | ||
| Medications such as antidepressants and anti-seizure drugs. | ||
| Where'd you go? | ||
| Okay. | ||
| No. | ||
| But that's what I'm going through, America. | ||
| If you know some good ways to cool me down, because I'm at the point, I fly with no bra on. | ||
| And... | ||
| Just because of the hot flashes? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I know the person sitting next to me, they be like, this bitch ain't got no bra. | ||
| I like those glasses, by the way. | ||
| Oh, you do? | ||
| They look good on you. | ||
| Oh, you don't ever like my glasses. | ||
| I like those. | ||
| Those fit. | ||
| They look good. | ||
| I can't see shit, so we need to put that on. | ||
| Fucking cross eyes. | ||
| I can't see shit either. | ||
| Yeah, but if you figure out a way, please let us know how to cool me down. | ||
| I bet it's estrogen. | ||
| I bet that's what it is. | ||
| I'm quite sure that's what it is. | ||
| What do I buy that? | ||
| Oh, plant estrogen. | ||
| Asian women who consume soy regularly are less likely to report hot flashes because soy actually elevates your estrogen and other menopausal symptoms than women in other parts of the world. | ||
| One reason might be related to the estrogen-like compounds in soy. | ||
| However, studies have generally found little or no benefit with plant estrogens. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| So a bunch of different foods. | ||
| Ginseng, vitamin E, eh. | ||
| Nothing. | ||
| Just live. | ||
| Live and burn up. | ||
| Hot titties forever, Joe. | ||
| Man, I want to give you something to talk about. | ||
| What? | ||
| The hot flashes. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Old bitches love that. | ||
| They do. | ||
| They always like to talk about it. | ||
| They always get fans out. | ||
| Golden girl pussies. | ||
| I'm so old, old bitches can't put landing strips on them. | ||
| We just let it grow and burn up. | ||
| Do you let it grow now? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Madness down there? | ||
| Well, you know I'm African-American, so it's like Jackson 5 down now. | ||
| Jackson 5! | ||
| With no chemicals. | ||
| I mean, I don't have time to be shaving. | ||
| I mean, you know, some days I lift my stomach up and whack-tack-tack, but it's nothing sexy, you know? | ||
| My friend's like, I'm going to get me a landing strip. | ||
| Bitch, you got planes in your pussy? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Have you ever been waxed? | |
| No, I can't. | ||
| I'm very, no, I don't want nobody down there in my vagina just yanking the hairs off of me. | ||
| I just, I think that's very lazy, you know, that you can't shave your own vagina. | ||
| But isn't it more efficient if you get a wax? | ||
| Doesn't it take a little bit longer to grow back rather than shaving? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Or the worst is you get it lasered. | ||
| Zap it. | ||
| They kill the follicles. | ||
| But who don't? | ||
| I'm 49. When it get cold and that air tries to get between your legs, that vagina hair blocks the hair and it keeps the clit from freezing? | ||
| Well, if you live in a cold climate, yes. | ||
| Yeah, so I live in Indiana, so you can't just walk around with no bald head vagina. | ||
| You could be in the hospital. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Or just wear pants. | ||
| The air come through the pants. | ||
| Like a lot of people. | ||
| A lot of people out there with shaved pussies walking around in subarctic climates. | ||
| I don't understand why you want all the hair off. | ||
| It itch. | ||
| You mean when it's growing back? | ||
| When it's growing back. | ||
| Yeah, I don't want that. | ||
| Then you scratch it like you got crabs and... | ||
| You ever had crabs? | ||
| No, I haven't. | ||
| I felt very fortunate. | ||
| I knew a friend who had it and he got it on his eyebrows. | ||
| On his eyebrows? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How did it crawl up there? | ||
| Well, they went everywhere, but he had them on his eyebrows. | ||
| I know somebody had them on their eyebrows too. | ||
| You do? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Are you serious? | |
| He was probably eating pussy and the crabs jumped to his eyebrows. | ||
| They just find hair? | ||
| They're so small you can barely see them. | ||
| You'll know they're there because they itch like fleas. | ||
| This dude had them and he had them in his eyebrows too. | ||
| And you know you get that shampoo. | ||
| For the eyebrows? | ||
| You get the shampoo for down there. | ||
| Yeah, I guess. | ||
| I'll tell you what's the most embarrassing moment. | ||
| I won't say what it was. | ||
| I had to go pick up some crab medication for a relative one time. | ||
| I'm married at the time, so it wasn't me. | ||
| And I go up to this. | ||
| I was at Green Brow Mall, and I go up to pick up the medication. | ||
| And the guy who was working the register, little gay guy, this motherfucker was like... | ||
| Well, what you have is crabs. | ||
| Would you like for me to tell you how to use the medication? | ||
| I said, bitch, if you don't give me that package, I'll kill you. | ||
| He said it out loud. | ||
| This was probably about 20 years ago. | ||
| Right there, do you need to know how to use your crab medication, ma'am? | ||
| I said, that's not my name. | ||
| That's not me. | ||
| Give me that goddamn medication. | ||
| It's shampoo, nigga. | ||
| I know how to use this shit. | ||
| You know, this is Green Bride Mall. | ||
| It's packed. | ||
| Everybody's sitting there waiting on their medicine. | ||
| I told everybody, look at that hoe, like, I got crab. | ||
| I'm like, I couldn't say it's not me this time. | ||
| Joe I just took the medicine It went out the fucking door I said, this motherfucker just embarrassed me. | ||
| He did it on purpose. | ||
| Yeah, he did it on purpose. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| Yeah, for sure. | ||
| He should know. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I was like, what the fuck you got? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look. | |
| Because I was trying to get my husband to go pick up the medication. | ||
| I'm not going to do that. | ||
| I'm not going to do that. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| I'm not going to pick up nobody's STD medication. | ||
| Venereal diseases are very strange if you think about it because it had to be like an original source. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Respiratory viruses and flus and things like that, it kind of makes sense. | ||
| And a lot of them come from animals, right? | ||
| Like the swine flu comes from pigs. | ||
| Avian flu comes from birds. | ||
| It gets into people. | ||
| It jumps species and lands on people. | ||
| And then we get it. | ||
| It makes sense. | ||
| But venereal disease, what was the source? | ||
| Some woman was trying to keep her husband at home and cook that shit up in the kitchen. | ||
| All right, you're going to go out here? | ||
| You're going to put claps on this bitch. | ||
| She's got a lab coat on trying to figure out VD. What came first? | ||
| The chicken or the egg, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What was the original VD? Who was the first person who got it? | |
| Yeah, and how does one develop a venereal disease, right? | ||
| Where's it coming from? | ||
| It's a good question, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Because there had to be like a patient zero for like gonorrhea. | ||
| There had to be like, where's that person getting gonorrhea? | ||
| How's that happen? | ||
| They're probably having sex with monkeys or something. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| Well, everything gotta be a monkey. | ||
| Y'all put everything on a monkey. | ||
| God damn. | ||
| What about a rhinoceros? | ||
| That's the scapegoat. | ||
| The monkey's the scapegoat. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, every time a disease comes, the monkey gave it to her. | |
| people fuck giraffes you know too. | ||
| Rinosaurus. | ||
| Do they? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Who is that fucking giraffe? | ||
| The pussy is too hot. | ||
| How they gonna get to it? | ||
| You gotta drug it. | ||
| I'm just saying. | ||
| I cannot. | ||
| I'm just saying. | ||
| The monkey did it. | ||
| The monkey did it. | ||
| That's true, right? | ||
| That was the thing with AIDS. They always said that. | ||
| The monkey did it. | ||
| Have you ever seen Chappelle's bit about that? | ||
| I think I did. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| He's like, do you know how hard it would be to hold a monkey down? | ||
|
unidentified
|
My god Chappelle's bit on his fucking brilliant. | |
| Oh Oh yeah, I'm right. | ||
| It's so funny. | ||
| She may look clean, but pick up good time girls, prostitutes, spread syphilis and gonorrhea. | ||
| What is this from the 50s? | ||
| Wow. | ||
| It looks like the wartime. | ||
| You can't beat the Axis if you get VD. Oh wow, so that is World War II. Yeah, the first thing it said on Wikipedia is 1494. It was the first VV? Yeah, a syphilis outbreak in Europe. | ||
| Oh, I can give you guys some information. | ||
| How about this? | ||
| You know that expression, bigwigs, when you call someone a bigwig? | ||
| Do you know what that came from? | ||
| It came from a group that was in France, and I think it was in the 1400s too, there was a, was it a prince or a nobleman? | ||
| They're two brothers, and they got syphilis. | ||
| And when they got syphilis, the hair started falling off. | ||
| Everybody had syphilis back then, but they didn't know what the fuck syphilis was. | ||
| And when you get syphilis, your hair falls off. | ||
| So what these guys did was they got wigs. | ||
| And the more money you had, the bigger the wig you got. | ||
| And so they got these big fucking crazy wigs. | ||
| And they would wear these wigs. | ||
| With syphilis. | ||
| Yeah, that's why they call them big wigs. | ||
| Like, have you ever looked at, like, men from these ancient times where they had these big crazy wigs? | ||
| That's why they had those wigs. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's what that came from? | |
| Came from syphilis. | ||
| They were all losing their hair. | ||
| Not only losing their hair, they lost their teeth, they'd get holes in their face. | ||
| Wild shit. | ||
| That's probably why George Washington had wooden teeth. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| Yeah, they didn't have any fucking hygiene back then, too, though. | ||
| But they all wore those crazy wooden wigs. | ||
| So if you see, like in the old days, I think they still have powdered wigs in some courts in England. | ||
| So all those guys with those wigs, that was all because of syphilis. | ||
| Look at that thing on his cheek. | ||
| That's a hole. | ||
| That's a syphilis hole in his cheek. | ||
| So they would have, literally, their fucking skin would be rotting out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Are you serious? | |
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| And so these, see, like, that was, uh, there's all these, that was, uh, like, a guy who had syphilis on his head. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Like, literally, his fucking head is rotting. | ||
| He's got holes in his head. | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| Yeah, their noses would fall off. | ||
| Syphilis was wild. | ||
| And they didn't know what it was, right? | ||
| So they had no idea what was happening while their fucking cheeks were falling off. | ||
| And you could look inside their face and see their teeth. | ||
| Look at that lady. | ||
| Her nose fell off. | ||
| How did they name it syphilis? | ||
| Was that from somebody? | ||
| It's a good question. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Who are the brothers? | ||
| Who are those brothers? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| That article you just had, it had those guys in it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know, but it didn't say. | |
| Oh, it didn't say? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It just talked about Louis XVI, XVII, XVII. Wow. | |
| It was so many of those people back then. | ||
| There were wild people back then, just fucking... | ||
| There was no condoms, right? | ||
| And they all would give each other diseases, and they didn't even know what it was. | ||
| They didn't even know what diseases were. | ||
| Like, back then, they had... | ||
| Like, if the plague came, they thought it was like ghosts and shit. | ||
| They didn't know what the fuck was going on. | ||
| They didn't know what was the cause of it, because they hadn't really isolated bacteria and viruses. | ||
| They didn't really know. | ||
| So when they got syphilis, they had no idea what was happening to them. | ||
| So these dudes got wigs. | ||
| And the bigger the wig, the more rich you were because you could afford some crazy ass wig. | ||
| So they were all going bald and all fucked up and going crazy. | ||
| Hair's falling off. | ||
| Yeah, hair's falling off, everything. | ||
| Big holes in your face. | ||
| It's wild shit. | ||
| Don't call me no big wig. | ||
| Yeah, that's the origin of the term big wig. | ||
| But if you still, I think in certain courts to this day in England, they still wear those powdered wigs. | ||
| Just for tradition. | ||
| Yeah, the tradition started because of syphilis. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Now don't think that's why I got on a wig, okay? | ||
| That's not what I'm thinking. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| I ain't got no holes in my head. | ||
| But today they just have penicillin. | ||
| They give you a shot of penicillin and it goes away. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I just got on that because I don't want to be fucking with my real hair because it draw up in the heat. | ||
| I ain't got... | ||
| Hey, my wig ain't big. | ||
| I understand. | ||
| Okay. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I understand. | |
| No worries. | ||
| Hey, don't get confused. | ||
| Don't think all the black women out here are big wigs and shit. | ||
| It was white people back then. | ||
| Look at all those people in France. | ||
| If only they had a bus to come pick them up and take them to the syphilis center. | ||
| I wonder who was the first person to figure out how to fix that. | ||
| What's that? | ||
| I looked up why they're still wearing it. | ||
| This is the reason they say on How Stuff Works. | ||
| Many uniforms, wigs are an emblem of anonymity, an attempt to distance the wear from personal involvement and a way to visually draw on the supremacy of law, says Newton. | ||
| Wigs are so much a part of British criminal courts that if a banister does not wear a wig, it is seen as an insult to the court. | ||
| Yeah, whatever. | ||
| I guarantee it started out with syphilis. | ||
| Why else would men wear wigs? | ||
| So they just got these wigs sent by the courthouse door you pick up one and put it on your head when you walk in? | ||
| I think you probably have your own. | ||
| You probably wear your own wig. | ||
| You take it home? | ||
| Yeah, you probably have your own, like special wig that you wear when you go to court. | ||
| And it's not like a lace frown. | ||
| It's not like nice. | ||
| It looks like they just plop it on. | ||
| Yeah, like your regular hair sticking out underneath it. | ||
| Yeah, it looks dumb. | ||
| It's like a hat. | ||
| Yeah, but England's got a lot of wacky things. | ||
| Like, they still have a queen over there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
For whatever reason. | |
| No, I heard somebody have a conversation. | ||
| They were like, they feel like that a lot of British people are unattractive. | ||
| And then they were saying that that's because way back in European history, people used to inbreed. | ||
| For sure, the royals. | ||
| That's wild. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| There's a lot of images, like paintings of royal families from France and all over Europe where you see the eyes a little too close together, look a little wacky. | ||
| Because they all fucked each other's cousins. | ||
| Because you had to only use royal blood, right? | ||
| Yeah, I had no idea. | ||
| Yeah, so if you had a cousin, you had to fuck your cousin. | ||
| Because you weren't allowed to fuck a commoner. | ||
| Wild shit. | ||
| I think that wasn't that long ago that people did that, that they believed in royal blood. | ||
| Like, see if you can find some pictures of inbred... | ||
| Royal blood. | ||
| There's a lot of pictures, like, paintings of inbred royals. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And they just look... | ||
|
unidentified
|
They just look off. | |
| I have a friend who has a... | ||
| She has a chocolate lab, and this dog's all fucked up. | ||
| She got it from a puppy mill, and this dog's eyes are just way too close. | ||
| I was just talking to somebody the other day about cross-eyed dogs. | ||
| Well, this dog is not cross-eyed. | ||
| They're just too narrow. | ||
| Yeah, so see, look at that guy. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| Oh, Jesus Christ. | ||
| He looked like who? | ||
| Centuries of inbreeding among European royals caused the deformity known as Hasberg jaw. | ||
| So they developed some crazy-looking jaw. | ||
| And it's just from centuries of fucking your family. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Wild. | ||
| Wild. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| That is weird. | ||
| I would have to stop my cousin and I don't like it. | ||
| Do you see what we look like? | ||
| Do you really want to make another one? | ||
| You don't want to do this shit. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| I know. | ||
| I mean, like, how does that ever get filtered out? | ||
| Like, you got to think, like, how much of that inbreeding shit, like, ruined generation after generation after generation. | ||
| Look at him right there with the wig on. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Looking like Michael Jax. | ||
| I mean, um... | ||
| Hasberg jaw. | ||
| Why inbred monarchs didn't measure up as rulers? | ||
| Well, probably because they're mentally challenged, right? | ||
| I mean, if it fucks your face up like that, what's it doing to your brain? | ||
| I know some regular people who look like that now. | ||
| Not that crazy. | ||
| Like, I'm talking about the nose and how narrow the face is? | ||
| Maybe, but I bet also, like, they're probably being nice when they're painting this, too. | ||
| They probably are. | ||
| You're probably right. | ||
| Because they would probably kill them if they made them look ugly. | ||
| Right. | ||
| If they made them look like what they really looked like? | ||
| You think they look worse? | ||
| I think they look worse. | ||
| Probably. | ||
| Yeah, because they're royals. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Probably. | |
| So where are they now? | ||
| They probably don't even know what they look like. | ||
| Well, they died off, I'm sure. | ||
| Those jeans have died off, for sure. | ||
| I know some long chin bitches like that. | ||
| That shit ain't dead. | ||
| Well, there's long faces, but that's a particularly deformed face, you know? | ||
| The whole idea of Royals is crazy shit. | ||
| But what's really crazy is that, you know, I had this lady on recently, last week actually, who escaped North Korea. | ||
| And it is a fucking wild podcast. | ||
| She escaped North Korea when she was 13. She was a sex slave in China. | ||
| And then she escaped from China and made it to South Korea and then made it to America. | ||
| It's a crazy fucking podcast. | ||
| But this is... | ||
| What's crazy is there are royals right now. | ||
| There's dictators right now in certain parts of the world. | ||
| And that's happening right now in North Korea. | ||
| But that was how people lived throughout most of history. | ||
| Most countries were dictatorships. | ||
| Even, like, when people talk about Greece, like Greece was a democracy, sure, for a little while, then it eventually became a dictatorship. | ||
| And even when it was a democracy, they had slaves, they killed each other for, you know, random fucking reasons. | ||
| The Romans did the same shit and that eventually became a dictatorship as well, like every fucking civilization. | ||
| Up until the United States in 1776 had devolved into a dictatorship. | ||
| That's why people are so worried about this country and the direction it's going. | ||
| Because they're like, look, this could become a dictatorship too. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's why they scared of masks and fighting on planes. | ||
| People are just worked up. | ||
| They're scared of masks and fighting on planes. | ||
| The country is just... | ||
| So many people have been out of work for over a year or lost their jobs or lost family members or also just scared. | ||
| So many people are just scared. | ||
| And they get back outside and they don't know how to fucking act. | ||
| I gotta tell you this. | ||
| We was at... | ||
| I was in Miami. | ||
| You didn't go to Miami. | ||
| No. | ||
| So I'm in Miami and I'm just, you know, because I flew during the pandemic and worked a lot. | ||
| And so I'm at the Miami airport and shit's starting to open back up and I see this man. | ||
| I was like, I just want to tell you hello. | ||
| And he looked at me and he was like, I said, you don't know me. | ||
| I said, look, I'm so happy this fucking pandemic is ending. | ||
| I don't know what to do. | ||
| I just want to hug every fucking body. | ||
| And this white dude said, right on to your tribe, sister. | ||
| I said, I can't even fucking call him racist. | ||
| I'm so happy to hear him. | ||
| Florida's a different race in and of itself. | ||
| What the fuck make you think I'm from a tribe, sir? | ||
| Why don't you tribe? | ||
| Me and my friend Kwishi was out there. | ||
| I said, he just thought I had a tribe. | ||
| He said, we with your tribe. | ||
| I said, All righty. | ||
| You know what I'm talking about? | ||
| You racist son of a bitch. | ||
| But I was so happy to see people. | ||
| I said, fuck it. | ||
| I'm going to go and get my runner call. | ||
| I couldn't say anything. | ||
| Florida opened up earlier than any place, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, they did. | |
| Did they ever close? | ||
| Sort of, for like a little while, and then the governor got on TV and made some actual valid points that you should be able to take your own risks and we should protect the older people, the people that are the most at risk, and vaccinate them as quickly as we can, and before that, protect them from exposure and everybody else. | ||
| Just do whatever the fuck you want to do. | ||
| He believes in freedom. | ||
| It's weird watching so many people move to Florida. | ||
| Florida was always a fucked up place that no one wanted to live. | ||
| Unless you were running from somebody that you got divorced from in New York, nobody wanted to live in Florida. | ||
| I don't want to live in Florida. | ||
| I just like Disney. | ||
| Disney's awesome. | ||
| Florida's not a bad place to live though. | ||
| It's too fucking hot. | ||
| It gets hot. | ||
| And they alligator walk around like motherfucking drug dealers. | ||
| That's an issue. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I can't. | |
| Fuck with them alligators. | ||
| Alligator killed a baby at Disney World. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh yeah, in the pond. | ||
| I remember that. | ||
| Yeah, we was not far from that resort. | ||
| But it was kind of, it's just, I mean, alligators and those little, what's those little damn... | ||
| Iguanas. | ||
| They just walk up the wall. | ||
| Ain't nobody screaming. | ||
| They're not even little. | ||
| They're big. | ||
| They get to be like five feet long. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, they hunt them now. | ||
| There's all these videos on YouTube of people hunting iguanas and eating them, cooking them and eating them. | ||
| Oh my god, I was like, I can deal with roaches, but I can't deal with no fucking iguanas. | ||
| Worse than this, when it gets cold out, they freeze, because they're a tropical animal, and sometimes Florida gets 30 degrees, so when it gets 30 degrees, they die. | ||
| So they're hanging on trees, they die, and they knock people out, because they fall, frozen, and land on people's heads. | ||
| So these old people are walking around Florida, and a fucking falling iguana cracks them on the top of the head. | ||
| I like how you imitate shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That family need old people. | |
| Can you imagine that's how you go, I've had a nice life. | ||
| You get KO'd by a fucking iguana. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's what takes you out. | |
| Wow. | ||
| Before COVID. And the iguanas, just like the reptiles that they have, all the shit that's in the swamps, like all the pythons and everything, it's all just people's pets. | ||
| That's Florida people. | ||
| They're so wild. | ||
| They just had like pythons and shit and they're like, I'll throw it in the fucking swamp. | ||
| No one will know. | ||
| Meanwhile, now there's more pythons in the swamp than anything. | ||
| They've killed all the mammals. | ||
| There's like almost no mammals in the Everglades. | ||
| They killed all the raccoons, all the marsh hares, all the deer. | ||
| They did a survey recently of the Everglades where they were trying to find all these various mammals and they said that they've been decimated down by a minimum of 90%. | ||
| So 90% of... | ||
| I think that was the number. | ||
| See if you can find that. | ||
| Like, what percentage of mammals are missing in the Everglades because of the pythons? | ||
| It's gotten so bad that pythons are eating alligators. | ||
| What? | ||
| There's a fucking picture of a giant python that died trying to eat a 12-foot alligator. | ||
| I think I've seen that. | ||
| So the alligator is breaking out of its body because it's swallowing this thing whole and this alligator is like, fuck you. | ||
| See, alligators can hold their breath for fucking days. | ||
| Like, they could be underwater for hours. | ||
| And so the alligator just walked up out his ass? | ||
| Well, he's, like, fighting through, and he bursts through the thing's side, so they're both dead. | ||
| They're both dead trapped in this water. | ||
| Here, look at this. | ||
| Yeah, 99. Okay, I downplayed it. | ||
| PNS Journal scientists report that observations of some mammal species have declined by more than 99%. | ||
| So a lot of them are just completely gone. | ||
| Look at how big that python is. | ||
| And all of those things started out as someone's pets. | ||
| It's really wild. | ||
| There's so many of them. | ||
| And here's how fucking stupid California is. | ||
| You're not allowed to buy Python goods, like a Python purse or Python shoes. | ||
| It's illegal. | ||
| They're exotics. | ||
| We're protecting them. | ||
| Meanwhile, they're everywhere! | ||
| They all go to Florida! | ||
| And they're eating babies and all kind of shit. | ||
| Oh, pythons will eat everything. | ||
| Yeah, they'll eat everything they can. | ||
| They'll eat babies for sure. | ||
| But see if you can get that picture of the one that ate the alligator. | ||
| Because it's crazy. | ||
| When you see how big the alligator is and how big the python is. | ||
| And they just both die. | ||
| Yeah, it's a battle of the monsters. | ||
| Battle of the monsters. | ||
| Heartless, cold-blooded fucking monsters. | ||
| I can't watch Discovery Channel. | ||
| Oh, I watch it all the time. | ||
| Oh my god, it makes me cry. | ||
| When I see an alligator, just grab a baby deer. | ||
| I be like, don't eat him! | ||
| It hurts my feelings. | ||
| They're ruthless animals. | ||
| All of them, them fucking coyotes. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| So that's a little one. | ||
| That's no big deal. | ||
| That's small. | ||
| But there's a photo of, see, Google photo alligator. | ||
| There it is. | ||
| That's the one. | ||
| The one, the right-hand corner. | ||
| Jesus fucking Christ. | ||
| That one right there. | ||
| See that one? | ||
| See how it's bursting out of its side? | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yeah, so that is a python that died trying to eat an alligator. | ||
| And the alligator, like, fought its way through the python's body. | ||
| Did he get out? | ||
| Nope. | ||
| Didn't make it. | ||
| Died. | ||
| They both died. | ||
| So they found these two dead like this, but look how big that fucking python is. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| In the Everglades. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| The Everglades is just monster soup. | ||
| That's all it is. | ||
| It's just monster soup out there. | ||
| Who go out there? | ||
| Crazy white people with those fan boats. | ||
| Yeah, they got a show like that, don't they? | ||
| Oh yeah, yeah, Swamp People. | ||
| Yeah, Swamp People. | ||
| That's a great show. | ||
| My husband loves watching that bullshit. | ||
| First of all, I speak Ebonics. | ||
| You can hardly understand the fuck I'm saying. | ||
| Then you get them Swamp People like, what the fuck are they saying? | ||
| Those Louisiana people that live in the swamp and hunt alligators. | ||
| They have a whole Cajun sort of lingo. | ||
| I'm not going to eat no alligator dick. | ||
| I don't understand what fucking word they say. | ||
| They have to give them subtitles. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You wouldn't eat alligator? | ||
| Dick. | ||
| Dick. | ||
| Okay, I understand that. | ||
| That's reasonable. | ||
| No, I wouldn't eat no alligator either. | ||
| I'd eat alligator. | ||
| I don't eat no frogs. | ||
| I've had alligator at a restaurant before in Florida, but it was like frozen alligator. | ||
| It's like if you eat it like chilies. | ||
| It's like that caliber of food. | ||
| But apparently, everybody that I know that has actually hunted alligators, I know a lot of dudes that hunt alligators, And when you eat it, if you eat it fresh, it is delicious. | ||
| Alligators apparently taste very good. | ||
| Yeah, there's all videos on YouTube on how to butcher alligators, and they show them, like, taking it apart and what the best cuts of meat are. | ||
| Actually, we had alligator at the Grove one time. | ||
| No, you had alligator. | ||
| And it was fried. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It was fried. | |
| It was chewy. | ||
| You didn't like it. | ||
| It was chewy. | ||
| The Grove in LA? Yeah. | ||
| They got a Cajun spot in there and it was chewy. | ||
| I didn't like it. | ||
| See, the thing is, if you're going to get it from the Grove in LA, you're going to get it frozen. | ||
| Apparently, the way to get it is fresh. | ||
| So it's like you buy fish at the supermarket, you're getting fresh fish, right? | ||
| Especially if you're near the coast. | ||
| Well, if you buy alligator in Florida, if you get fresh alligator, or if you hunt an alligator yourself, apparently it's delicious. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Nah. | ||
| Nah. | ||
| I can't. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But you like catfish? | |
| Catfish is delicious. | ||
| I don't like catfish. | ||
| You don't? | ||
| Really? | ||
| But it's battered right and fried nice. | ||
| No, no. | ||
| They eat everything. | ||
| They do eat everything, but so do lobsters, and they're delicious. | ||
| Yeah, I like lobsters. | ||
| Lobsters just eat dead shit. | ||
| They're bugs. | ||
| They're just bugs that eat dead shit. | ||
| But God, they're good. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's so good. | |
| Cafe's so... | ||
| It's grainy to me. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Grainy? | ||
| I mean, I don't know if grainy is the word. | ||
| It's got a... | ||
| Grittiness? | ||
| Grittiness to it. | ||
| Taste to it. | ||
| Maybe it's just how it's prepared. | ||
| Maybe who's preparing it. | ||
| Maybe they didn't do a good job. | ||
| You gonna talk about me like that? | ||
| No, it's like how you prepare it. | ||
| Did you catch it yourself? | ||
| No. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| But if you catch it yourself, then you know how it was cleaned and how you gutted it and cut it. | ||
| And a lot of times people will soak them in milk. | ||
| That's one of the things they do with catfish. | ||
| Apparently it enhances the flavor. | ||
| For how long? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Different times. | ||
| There's all sorts of recipes online. | ||
| I've seen people doing that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I've never heard of that. | |
| I'm going to do that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because where I live now in Austin, there's quite a few catfish here. | ||
| I would like to catch some and eat them. | ||
| Well, call me next time you cook it. | ||
| I will. | ||
| I will. | ||
| I love watching your videos. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I love to cook. | |
| I'm like, this motherfucker has the nicest meat. | ||
| That's that dark red elk. | ||
| That's what that is. | ||
| That's that best meat. | ||
| You like the grill, don't you? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I love it. | |
| It's caveman shit. | ||
| Yeah, I like being over fire. | ||
| Fire and meat. | ||
| That's caveman shit. | ||
| In the woods. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| Remember that time I told you to take me hunting with you? | ||
| You thought I was too slow. | ||
| I'd get killed by a bear. | ||
| Well, you'd have to have a scooter. | ||
| I can't take a scooter to the woods. | ||
| You'll scare all the animals off. | ||
| I'll be like, get the fuck out. | ||
| Joe got a pistol. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Joe here to kill y'all. | |
| Get the fuck out and deal. | ||
| Don't you stand around. | ||
| He trying to kill y'all. | ||
| Would you really want to hunt? | ||
| I've never been to the woods. | ||
| I went to a summer camp one time. | ||
| And we stayed in those little things that didn't have does on it, like it just had a top on it. | ||
| And it was deep down in Georgia. | ||
| Mosquitoes ate my ass up. | ||
| And I was like, I don't understand why people, what do they get off in these fucking woods? | ||
| All these fucking spiders that you're not familiar with, just outdoor-y. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I just like being in the wild. | ||
| If you wouldn't let me get killed, I would go halfway in the woods with you. | ||
| The problem is, like, you gotta go pretty deep in there to go where the animals are. | ||
| Like, on a normal day of, like, hunting, we'll hike 10, 11 miles in the mountains. | ||
| Yeah, it's normal. | ||
| And so what do you do when a bear come up, Joe? | ||
| Well, it's not good. | ||
| It's not good. | ||
| Most of the places I hunt don't have grizzlies. | ||
| If I did hunt in a place with grizzlies, I would definitely, because I hunt with a bow, but I would definitely bring a pistol as well. | ||
| If I'm around grizzlies. | ||
| Yeah, because I'm like, didn't you see the bear man? | ||
| He got ate up. | ||
| His girlfriend got ate up. | ||
| Grizzly man? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Did you watch that documentary? | ||
| No, yeah. | ||
| My husband watched that. | ||
| That's an unintentional comedy. | ||
| That's what that is. | ||
| All they found was his spine. | ||
| They didn't find much. | ||
| Yeah, they didn't find much. | ||
| I didn't even know bears eat you all the way. | ||
| Oh, bears will eat the fuck out of you. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, bears eat people. | ||
| Can you see me talking to them? | ||
| Hey, bear, I didn't take a bath today. | ||
| This ain't what you want. | ||
| They don't give a fuck. | ||
| Bear just killed a lady in Montana just a few days ago. | ||
| Yeah, a lady was a cyclist. | ||
| She had parked somewhere to camp out and pulled her right out of her tent. | ||
| Pulled her out of the tent? | ||
| Yeah, tore the tent apart, pulled her out, killed her. | ||
| She didn't have no fucking gun? | ||
| No. | ||
| She was like, I'm just like out here in nature. | ||
| She's like a cyclist. | ||
| You know, a lot of those people are, those cyclists are, you know, they just love hiking and, you know, outdoors type shit. | ||
| And they probably think they're going to be okay because most of the time you're okay. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Did he eat her? | |
| It's very rare. | ||
| Yeah, it started eating her. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Somebody ran him off? | ||
| I think they eventually found it and killed it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How do you know that was the bear? | ||
| How do you know he ain't going to kill the wrong bear? | ||
| You didn't get a bear time to say he ain't having nothing to do with it? | ||
| Well, once they kill the bear, then they can do an assessment. | ||
| But what if a titty went in his throat? | ||
| The way they find out is the bear usually is protecting the body because the body's his. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So if a bear kills you- So he hanging out with her? | ||
| They usually bury you. | ||
| They bury half of you. | ||
| They eat what they want to eat off of you and then they start covering you with dirt. | ||
| And then if you go near the body, then they rush you. | ||
| And I think that's what they did with her. | ||
| I think they tried to come near the body and the bear was protecting the body, which meant that it was his kill. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| I know a guy who was a wildlife photographer. | ||
| I read about a guy who was a wildlife photographer. | ||
| And he was killed by a bear. | ||
| I think that was in Montana as well pretty recently because he had found a dead moose that this bear had killed. | ||
| And he was trying to get close to where the moose was to take photos of the bear. | ||
| And then the bear thought he was trying to steal the moose and killed him. | ||
| So now both of them are buried together and now he's protecting both of them so he's gonna eat them later. | ||
| Well this guy was like famous for wildlife photography unfortunately so he'd take these like really close-up pictures of bears like and he just got he just rolled the dice too many times because they're just you know they're a 2,000 pound wild dog that's what it's like. | ||
| I mean they're fucking huge. | ||
| They're so big. | ||
| And the make yourself bigger shit don't work. | ||
| The grizzly? | ||
| Oh, a grizzly? | ||
| No, you gotta shoot him. | ||
| What do you mean make yourself bigger? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They always say, like, if you come across a bear, make yourself bigger than a bear. | ||
| I think that's mountain lions, they say that. | ||
| Oh, it's a lion? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| So how are you gonna make yourself bigger? | ||
| A bear does not... | ||
| I guess you're just like... | ||
| There's not a way you can make yourself big enough to scare a bear. | ||
| I know. | ||
| They tall? | ||
| They slap shit at you? | ||
| The only time bears are scared is if they live in a place where people hunt them. | ||
| And that's like Alaska. | ||
| In Alaska, sometimes bears will run off from people because they've had experiences with people or they've seen people shoot guns and kill bears near them. | ||
| They'll be scared of humans. | ||
| But everywhere else where people don't hunt humans, which is most of the United States, the only place in the United States you can hunt grizzly bears is in Alaska. | ||
| But those are the people that have the most experience with them because they're dealing with them all the time. | ||
| They want to cut the population down. | ||
| But places like Yellowstone and where all the grizzlies are in Montana and Wyoming, you can't hunt them. | ||
| Some lady just got in trouble for taking a picture at Yellowstone close up with the bear. | ||
| So stupid. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And he ran her off to the bear. | ||
| I think his kids was up there and he kind of chased her. | ||
| And she walked off and she got in trouble for that. | ||
| Well, it definitely wasn't his kids because he'll eat his kids. | ||
| It's a female. | ||
| The females run them off. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well, her. | |
| I call everybody his. | ||
| Because the females, they have to protect their kids from the males. | ||
| Because the males, they actively target babies. | ||
| Like when they come out of the womb or the den, rather, like when they hibernate all winter, One of the first things they try to do is find babies. | ||
| They're sleeping. | ||
| Even if it's there. | ||
| They don't give a fuck. | ||
| You mean to tell me that's how much they don't want to pay child support? | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's how you get out of Charles Butchie. | |
| You eat your fucking bagels. | ||
| Nature's just so ruthless. | ||
| Oh, I know. | ||
| That's why I don't go out there, Joe. | ||
| If you're going to go halfway in the woods and we're going to set up a campfire with some marshmallows and a little chocolate. | ||
| That's nice. | ||
| I'd do that with you and flat off the mosquitoes and tell some spooky stories. | ||
| Yeah, I could do that shit. | ||
| But if you're going with a pilster and a bow and arrow, I ain't going to be able to help you. | ||
| Yeah, well, it's not for everybody. | ||
| No. | ||
| You sleep out there, too? | ||
| Sometimes, yeah. | ||
| It depends on where you're going. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't like camping, though. | ||
| I really don't. | ||
| I don't like sleeping on the ground. | ||
| I would way rather, like, go back out and go somewhere where you could sleep. | ||
| But I'll do it. | ||
| You know, I do like being there. | ||
| And sometimes if you got to camp, if that's the only way you can go. | ||
| Some people love camping. | ||
| My friend Steve, he loves camping. | ||
| I got evicted too much when I was a kid. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I can't get people. | |
| It triggers. | ||
| It triggers homelies. | ||
| It's not a good way to sleep. | ||
| Like, you're way better off in a house. | ||
| Like, houses are protected. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know? | |
| Like, a house, an animal's not gonna come in and eat you. | ||
| Nah, I just, I mean, I can't sleep outside. | ||
| Yeah, it's an acquired taste, but for some people. | ||
| Some people just love being rugged, too. | ||
| They like the idea of being rugged. | ||
| They like the idea, you know, cooking their food over a campfire, sleeping in a tent. | ||
| Taking a bath halfway. | ||
| In a stream. | ||
| Yeah, washing themselves in a cold stream. | ||
| That's people who got money. | ||
| Yes, exactly. | ||
| Is that who do that? | ||
| Yes, exactly, right? | ||
| Because broke people already do that. | ||
| I guess that's why I don't like it, Joe. | ||
| Well, some people do it that don't have money because they just want the food, and the best way to get wild food is to, you know, you've got to hunt. | ||
| And if you're going to hunt, you've got to go where the animals are, and they're usually not where the people are, so you've got to get in there pretty far. | ||
| No, it's like that island. | ||
| What is that island, those indigenous people? | ||
| North Sentinel Island? | ||
| Well, if you go in there, they'll drag your ass, they'll kill your ass. | ||
| That guy went up there and tried to bring Jesus to them. | ||
| They said, come on, we got the Lord for your ass. | ||
| They shot that bone arrow and drug that motherfucker off and peeled him. | ||
| Yep, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, they killed that dude. | ||
| Killed him with a Bible in his hand. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They did. | |
| They was like, thank you for the word. | ||
| We're going to use it to start a fire. | ||
| He wasn't supposed to go there either. | ||
| It's illegal to visit them, which is kind of strange. | ||
| Because you're not allowed to... | ||
| It's like the idea is that they are uncontacted, so you're not allowed to contact them. | ||
| But they're never going to... | ||
| There's only like 39 of them. | ||
| Where is that at? | ||
| It's off the coast of India. | ||
| So these people that live there, they're the direct descendants of people who left Africa 60,000 years ago. | ||
| And they landed on this island. | ||
| And a very small population. | ||
| They think the most it's ever been is like 150 people. | ||
| And so out of these people, there's 39 of them left. | ||
| And they probably have an inbreeding problem, too. | ||
| I'm quite sure they do. | ||
| They're not really studied, you know? | ||
| But there was a guy that was a really fucked up story where a guy... | ||
| Visited them in the 1800s. | ||
| His name was Commander Maurice Vidal Portman. | ||
| And this guy was like a pervert. | ||
| And he would go there and take pictures with these men and have them dressed up weird, like dressed up like Roman soldiers and take pictures with them and shit. | ||
| And it was like, he was doing weird freak shit, like measuring their dicks and measuring their balls and taking, like literally said, this one had testicles the size of a sparrow's egg. | ||
| Like this was like one of his notes. | ||
| So he was a freak. | ||
| We gave these guys a disease. | ||
| He gave people a disease. | ||
| Like he was probably, like probably had some normal human disease for Europeans and gave it to these people and a few people died and they chased him off the island. | ||
| So these people, when this guy went back with the Bible, one of the reasons why they're so hostile is probably they have terrible stories of being visited in the past by people who took pictures of their dicks and gave them diseases. | ||
| Can you imagine if people did that to all colonizers? | ||
| Yeah, so that's the guy that's commander Maurice Vidal Portman Yeah, and so he had did and there was quite a few different islands that he did this to yeah, that's the Andamanese so he was with these people and so that those occasionally people would go and fuck with these indigenous people and if they hadn't Maybe someone could go there and bring them food and bring them medicine and treat them respectfully today and maybe help them in | ||
| some sort of way. | ||
| But then the question is, should they do that? | ||
| Because if they did that and then they took them out of there, that culture would not exist anymore. | ||
| But then the question is, but yeah, they don't even have fire. | ||
| These people are living on this very small island. | ||
| It's a fucked up little place. | ||
| I don't know what food they're eating, but they're getting it from the ocean or they're getting it from whatever animals live on that island with them. | ||
| But this is the thing about colonization. | ||
| That's how fire and medicine and everything that we have is normal to us. | ||
| That's normal to them. | ||
| So we don't need to go fuck with it. | ||
| The question is, like, should you give them... | ||
| First of all, colonizing them, like, taking over their land... | ||
| Yeah, clearly that's fucked up, and that shouldn't happen. | ||
| But should someone allow them to move off the island and come to civilization? | ||
| Like, if you could speak their language, and you could say, hey, man... | ||
| We have electricity, we have air conditioning, refrigerators, restaurants. | ||
| Can you imagine taking someone from an island where they've been hunting turtles their whole life or whatever the fuck they eat, and then bringing them to a nice restaurant, freaking them out? | ||
| I don't know what the answer to that is. | ||
| I don't know if you should or shouldn't do that. | ||
| I think you should mind your fucking business. | ||
| Because if they wanted to get off that island... | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| They can't. | ||
| They can't get off that island. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Why not? | |
| They've tried. | ||
| They don't have the ability to make a boat that can survive the journey. | ||
| Because they... | ||
| You're on an island that they don't have metal. | ||
| Well, I'm saying if they wanted to get on that island, so many people have tried, you know, like the ones who tried to visit, they'd be like, hey, we're waiting on you. | ||
| We're going to kill you and take your boat and get the fuck up out of here. | ||
| But instead, they kill you dragging the wood and skinning you. | ||
| Well, they've killed people before that fucked up besides that guy. | ||
| There was a ship that shipwrecked close to the shore, and they killed those guys. | ||
| And then they think they might have salvaged some metal from that ship because they think they've seen them with like makeshift knives they've created from some of the metal from the ship. | ||
| It's a crazy story. | ||
| So what do they do? | ||
| Just have somebody watching them all the time? | ||
| They just have rules where you can't go there. | ||
| I think whether it's India or whatever country is in control of that island, they just have some very strict laws about interacting with them. | ||
| But it is fascinating because these people essentially lived like people lived 60,000 years ago. | ||
| They're not sure if they have fire. | ||
| They probably are. | ||
| They're worried, though. | ||
| They're worried because there's so few of them because of inbreeding. | ||
| They're worried that they're inbreeding because this is such a small genetic population. | ||
| You know, they have 39 people. | ||
| It's not a lot. | ||
| So they're worried about molestation? | ||
| No, they're worried that they're inbreeding with each other, that the genetic diversity is not enough to sustain a healthy population. | ||
| Well, mind your business. | ||
| That's Ms. Pat's answer to everything. | ||
| Mind your business. | ||
| It's 39 of them. | ||
| I mean, when they eventually die off, they just want the island. | ||
| I guarantee you they want to put a hotel on the island. | ||
| There's nothing on the island. | ||
| Not yet? | ||
| Maybe. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Imagine how fucked up that would be. | |
| People working there at the hotel that used to live on the island, now they work there. | ||
| Yeah, so they just want what they can't have. | ||
| Leave them people to fuck alone. | ||
| Mind your business and you don't get killed. | ||
| Yeah, but if the person could figure out a way to make a boat, maybe we should just drop off some boats. | ||
| Just drop off some boats. | ||
| Joe, I ain't fucking with them folks. | ||
| Just do whatever you want to do. | ||
| Them folks got knives that travels faster than bullets. | ||
| They have a lot of bows and arrows. | ||
| Yeah, I'm not fucking with them folks. | ||
| They folks, right where they want, I mind my business. | ||
| If they want to get off that aisle, they be done swim the fuck up off that aisle. | ||
| Now, I ain't fucking with nobody that ain't fucking with me. | ||
| Okay, that's what white people problem. | ||
| Y'all Stop fucking with people, white people. | ||
| They wreck where they want to be at. | ||
| If they want to fuck their uncles and cousins and aunties, if they're going to make the family bigger, hey, they ain't got no laws. | ||
| Ain't no police on that island. | ||
| Do your thing. | ||
| That's true, too. | ||
| And that's one of the things when they killed that guy that came with the Bible. | ||
| There was some question, like, should they be in trouble for murder? | ||
| No, he went for the house. | ||
| Hey, he knocked on their door. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| And also, like, their roles are different than ours. | ||
| Well, who they gonna knock up? | ||
| Well, take your badass on in the woods. | ||
| And if we're gonna do that, then we would go and prosecute North Korea for killing their people, too. | ||
| And we don't do shit about that. | ||
| But also, then whenever somebody gets eaten by a shark, you can't go kill the shark because you was in their house. | ||
| That's why you got eaten, because you were in their house. | ||
| That's where I disagree. | ||
| I'll kill the fuck out of a shark. | ||
| But you're in their territory. | ||
| Yeah, but we win. | ||
| We're people. | ||
| Listen, if a shark kills one of my friends and I know where that shark is, like if it's got a beacon or something, I'm going to go kill that fucking shark 100%. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm getting it. | ||
| But don't you think that that's their territory? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm going to eat it, too. | |
| So if you rolled your ass up near them folks' islands... | ||
| No, but that's a different animal. | ||
| Okay, alright. | ||
| That's like someone's house. | ||
| Yeah, but that's what I'm saying with the sharks. | ||
| Or the Amazon. | ||
| No, fuck sharks. | ||
| That's their territory. | ||
| Sharks can eat shit. | ||
| Not anymore. | ||
| I just showed up. | ||
| I showed up with a gun. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Now it's mine. | |
| So what you saying, if a motherfucker jet skiing, it's okay for the shark to just yank his ass off the jet ski? | ||
|
unidentified
|
You in they house. | |
| I'm not saying it's okay for them to eat it. | ||
| I'm saying it makes sense that they would feel threatened. | ||
| Or they would eat you because why are you here? | ||
| Let me explain something to you. | ||
| Sharks do not ever feel threatened. | ||
| The ocean is way bigger than an island. | ||
| And if you see a motherfucker out here playing in your yard, just go on over there. | ||
| You got plenty more room to go fuck around in. | ||
| The ocean is big. | ||
| That's a good point. | ||
| The island is theirs. | ||
| I see that, but I just think it's territory. | ||
| Don't go into their territory. | ||
| Joe Rogan, he's black and scared of water. | ||
| That's why he's talking that shit. | ||
| But if you saw someone kill one of your friends, if you saw a shark kill one of your friends, you wouldn't want to kill that shark? | ||
| Hell, y'all want to kill it, but I'm saying I can't blame it. | ||
| Oh, excuse me. | ||
| I'm saying I can't blame it. | ||
| It's not a person, so you can't blame it. | ||
| They kill everything they can. | ||
| If I saw a shark kill one of my friends, I'm getting the fuck off. | ||
| Somebody need to be able to tell this motherfuckin' story. | ||
| Ain't no sin. | ||
| I'm not walking out there whoopin' that shark ass. | ||
| Hey, that motherfuckin' faster than me. | ||
| You know, I just had a scooter at Disney. | ||
| I'm gonna do the most niggery shit. | ||
| I'm getting the fuck out. | ||
| I'm gonna walk on water like Jesus Christ. | ||
| You hear me? | ||
| Hey, they got him. | ||
| I was blessed. | ||
| They developed these suits for people to wear around bears, these bear suits. | ||
| They're like these big metal suits with spikes popping out of them. | ||
| Have you ever seen any of that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-mm. | |
| See if we can find those. | ||
| What's that for? | ||
| They're bear-proof suits. | ||
| They've developed these. | ||
| Yeah, well, I think they've developed... | ||
| I think they started out in Siberia. | ||
| That's what Kanye was wearing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ah! | |
| It does. | ||
| Look, that's it. | ||
| It's selling it for $2,500. | ||
| That's a Siberian bear hunting suit. | ||
| No. | ||
| So they literally developed a suit that's covered in spikes so that if the bear tries to bite you, it hurts his teeth. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Or it hurts his mouth. | ||
| I mean, you're going to have to ask that dude, but since we have his jacket, I doubt he's alive. | ||
| That's a good point. | ||
| He probably peeled him like an avocado. | ||
| I guarantee you. | ||
| That's going to be a Yeezy outfit in six months. | ||
| Literally, I wasn't joking when I said that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look at his jacket. | |
| Oh, wow. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| Oh, this was when he was on stage with the mask on. | ||
| No, he had a stocking cap. | ||
| He had a stocking cap on his face. | ||
| That is what he's wearing. | ||
| He's wearing a bear hunting jacket. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| That is crazy. | ||
| And that jacket probably cost $3,000. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| $30,000. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yep. | |
| That is wild. | ||
| What's so crazy is, they gonna buy it too, Joe. | ||
| Of course they will. | ||
| And they gonna buy that. | ||
| I keep telling black people, I say, Kanye is rich. | ||
| He's a fucking genius. | ||
| Y'all can't walk around the United States being black with that shit on your head look like you about to rob the gas station. | ||
| If Kanye had food stamps, black people would buy it for $3,000 a pop. | ||
| Not me. | ||
| Kanye's an unusual human. | ||
| Have you ever met him? | ||
| No. | ||
| His brain is firing at a different RPM than everybody else's. | ||
| I bet it is. | ||
| It's just going. | ||
| He's probably simultaneously thinking about new products while he's thinking about new songs. | ||
| He wants to reimagine housing. | ||
| He wants to build houses. | ||
| He wants to develop communities that are self-reliant communities where they grow their own food and use solar power. | ||
| And the dude is just constantly going with new ideas. | ||
| Constantly. | ||
| There's people whose brains just don't work at the same speed as ours. | ||
| And that's one of those people. | ||
| And he's just constantly trying to process things. | ||
| And he was saying that when they tried to get him on medication, they were like, listen, you've got to get on medication. | ||
| They tried to calm him down, but the medication made him... | ||
| He looked different. | ||
| Yeah, he gained a lot of weight. | ||
| He looked different. | ||
| He looked slow. | ||
| He looked unhappy. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| I mean, it was a droopiness to his face. | ||
| And I remember the black community like, what the fuck is Kanye on? | ||
| They put him on some medication. | ||
| But then when he got off of it, he came alive. | ||
| I don't know why he put the stocking cap on his head. | ||
| But I guarantee you, you're going to have Yeezy across the top, and you're going to see a whole bunch of people with ski masks on, and there's going to be a lot of niggas in jail. | ||
| Well, in this day and age where everybody has to wear a mask, that's the solution in his mind. | ||
| That ain't the solution for us, Joe. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Did you see Kim was wearing one, too? | ||
| Yes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
She was? | |
| Yeah, she wore one, too. | ||
| She wore the whole deal. | ||
| Her kids are like, what the fuck are you wearing, Mommy? | ||
| What is this? | ||
| You're going to pay $3 off of your makeup and then you got on a ski cap. | ||
| I wonder how many people are going to wear those bear hunting suits around now. | ||
| Not me. | ||
| People are going to buy them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
100%. | |
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| They're going to buy them. | ||
| If he makes them, they'll buy them. | ||
| Well, when you like an artist, you buy them. | ||
| Look, I'm not even Beyonce's size, but I find myself waiting on the Ivy Park shoes. | ||
| I can't wear shit with Beyonce's shoes she dropped. | ||
| But I find myself waiting on Ivy Park to drop some shit. | ||
| You hear me? | ||
| I have four phones and a laptop going. | ||
| I gotta get me a pair of Ivy Park shoes. | ||
| When Kanye came on the podcast, before he came on, there was one point in time where he wanted to redesign my studio. | ||
| He's like, I want to redesign a studio. | ||
| I want to do it somewhere else. | ||
| We're going to redesign it. | ||
| I was like, okay. | ||
| But then Jamie got COVID. Jamie was not there for the Kanye interview, unfortunately. | ||
| So we had, look, man, we just lost our producer. | ||
| We got to do it in our studio. | ||
| So he did it in... | ||
| In here, in our old studio, but he did not like it. | ||
| He did not like the aesthetics of the old studio. | ||
| Like, his mind is always thinking about design. | ||
| And when he told me this, I was like, okay. | ||
| And so then, all of a sudden, we're on FaceTime. | ||
| He starts showing me sketches that he already has of the new studio that he wants to design. | ||
| He's making a studio like a womb. | ||
| Like, this big, crazy studio. | ||
| He had these wild ideas. | ||
| Like, his brain is on... | ||
| It's like he's on jet fuel, just constantly going, just... | ||
| But that's why he can do all the shit that he does. | ||
| It's not a normal mind. | ||
| He had two listening parties. | ||
| Did he drop the album yet? | ||
| I don't think so, not yet. | ||
| And still ain't dropped the album. | ||
| And people, well, what the fuck? | ||
| It's like crack to him now. | ||
| Yeah, but that's what he does. | ||
| He gets everybody excited about things. | ||
| He's a fucking genius. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He really is. | ||
| Well, we're not going to drop this. | ||
| I should take the show back. | ||
| After this podcast, everybody's going to be so hyped up for your show. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Miss Pat's decided to hang on to it for a while, and now she has a bear hunting suit. | ||
| And don't forget the face mask. | ||
| And a scooter. | ||
| Face mask, bear hunting suit, and a scooter just driving around Beverly Hills. | ||
| Beverly Hills? | ||
| I live in Indiana. | ||
|
unidentified
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I know. | |
| I'm just saying. | ||
| Are you going to stay in Indiana? | ||
| What if you become a gigantic star and the show becomes huge? | ||
| You've got to move out of Indiana. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because they'll bother you there. | ||
| They'll bother you anywhere, Joe. | ||
| Do you get peace? | ||
| Do I get peace? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I said, get the fuck out of my face. | ||
| And I mean it. | ||
| And I love my fans. | ||
| I mean, God, I do. | ||
| These people, some of them rock on me from the start. | ||
| And I run into people, can I take a picture? | ||
| I said, let me talk to you for a minute. | ||
| Hang on, no makeup, my wig ain't glued down. | ||
| I ain't gonna wash my ass. | ||
| I said, but what we gonna do? | ||
| I'm going to send you a gift or some shit, but you ain't going to put... | ||
| I said, thank God for Snapchat. | ||
| So I said, give me your motherfucking phone. | ||
| You got Snapchat? | ||
| They said, no. | ||
| I said, I'm going to do it on mine, and I'm going to airdrop you the picture. | ||
| So Snapchat allows you to put on makeup. | ||
| Even though we don't have on makeup. | ||
|
unidentified
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Oh, that's hilarious! | |
| So I said, you're not gonna take a fucking picture because I already be doing my podcast with no brawn. | ||
| You don't see me on my podcast. | ||
| I be sitting in my basement looking like I'm the only motherfucker with a podcast without a professional studio. | ||
| Where are you doing your podcast out of? | ||
| Just your basement? | ||
| Out of my basement, yeah. | ||
| Who are you doing it with? | ||
| Dion Curry, a comedian, and Chris Spangles. | ||
| And how many do you have out? | ||
| Oh, probably. | ||
| We got about 200 or 100 or something. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It's going good? | ||
| It's going really good. | ||
| Thank you for making me started. | ||
| It's going really fucking good. | ||
| I didn't think I like to talk that much. | ||
| What? | ||
| Did you talk to somebody about whether or not you like to talk? | ||
| Because everybody always said, yes! | ||
| I actually like it, and the fans love it. | ||
| Of course they do. | ||
| I enjoy it. | ||
| It relieves me every week. | ||
| You have a take on everything. | ||
| You have a take on everything. | ||
| Everything and anything you have a take on. | ||
| For you to not have a podcast would be criminal. | ||
| Yeah, so I started at the Pat Down with me, Chris, and Dion. | ||
| It's a great name, too. | ||
| The Pat Down? | ||
| It's great name. | ||
| Because I'm a convicted felon, I used to get Pat Down. | ||
| And your name's Pat. | ||
| And my name is Pat. | ||
| But it's going great. | ||
| Beautiful. | ||
| And I'm enjoying it. | ||
| I really am. | ||
| I'm looking to move to Atlanta. | ||
| Ah, there you go. | ||
| Yeah, I just put a bidding for a house there. | ||
| It's on seven acres. | ||
| Beautiful. | ||
| How far away from where the clubs are? | ||
| What clubs are in Atlanta now? | ||
| Where can you work out? | ||
| Punchline, Atlanta Comedy Theater. | ||
| Punchline's back? | ||
| Punchline is back. | ||
| When did it come back? | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, I didn't know. | |
| Atlanta Comedy Theater. | ||
| Laughing Skull's that little spot. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Laughing Skull's. | |
| That's a good spot. | ||
| I like that little spot. | ||
| I go there all the time. | ||
| I love the Laughing Skull. | ||
| That's a great little spot, like 90 seats or some shit. | ||
| Yeah, I go there a lot when I'm in town, but it's not far. | ||
| I'm just right outside the perimeter. | ||
| My husband don't like to be close to the neighbors, so he's just like the, you know... | ||
| Sounds like my kind of guy. | ||
| Yeah, he don't like a lot of people. | ||
| Yeah, give me some space. | ||
| Yeah, I just tuck him... | ||
| You know he only seen me twice since I've been doing this shit. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| He saw me with Cat Williams, and then he saw me in Indiana, and he was like, so this is what you do. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ha ha ha ha! | |
| That is hilarious. | ||
| I would want to say my husband is shy when you say that. | ||
| And he was like, you don't give a fuck what you say to these people. | ||
| He said, the shit you say to these people, and you know, my audience is mostly white people. | ||
| He's like, and they just eat it up. | ||
| I'm like, well, I'm just being honest. | ||
| I'm being mean. | ||
| I'm not up here trying to be nothing else. | ||
| And they know who the fuck I am. | ||
| If you know who the fuck Ms. Pat is, because I tell this joke. | ||
| I tell this story about my special, my Uncle Cecil. | ||
| If people read my book, they know what I'm talking about. | ||
| Well, my granddaddy, he was special need. | ||
| He used to buy him pussy on Saturday to slow down his seizures during the week. | ||
| LAUGHTER I'm not fucking lying. | ||
| But me and my sister had to go back there and help him get started because he was special need. | ||
| And I tell this story on stage and people, last week when I was at Indiana, this girl was like, is she for real? | ||
| And other white ladies say, hell yeah, she for real. | ||
| Be quiet. | ||
| How did your husband not know you though? | ||
| Why is that shocking to him? | ||
| Because he never really saw me like headline. | ||
| He only saw me one time open in front of Cat Williams. | ||
| He just don't, he won't come. | ||
| So everything's starting to take off and you know. | ||
| So he was curious? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| No, I just say, hey, dude, come on and watch what I do. | ||
| And he's like, y'all stay up too late. | ||
| Y'all stay up too late. | ||
| And he's like, uh, you funny. | ||
| He's like, you pretty funny, but you a little mean up there sometimes. | ||
| I'm like, motherfucker, I ain't. | ||
| Because, you know, when I'm telling these stories, they be like, uh, I'm not here for your fucking uhs and ahs, okay? | ||
| And I tell them, I said, if you're feeling sorry for me, write me a check. | ||
| We can cry together. | ||
| I'm not here for you to feel sorry for me. | ||
| You know, because I push it. | ||
| I mean, I write, I talk about being molested. | ||
| I talk about having kids, you know, anything. | ||
| I take the darkest shit in my life. | ||
| And I tell them each and every night. | ||
| When I end my set, I say, I want you to take the darkest shit in your life and find it funny. | ||
| Because when you can find it funny, you got control of it. | ||
| Why dwell on shit you can't change? | ||
| Motherfucker, you can't change the path. | ||
| I said, I don't give a fuck if somebody stuck their thumb up your ass. | ||
| If he didn't get past the knuckle, he cheated himself. | ||
| But that's what I say on stage, and I want people to, my whole thing is I just want people to learn to take whatever is causing you pain and laugh. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Absolutely. | |
| Because it's healing. | ||
| It really is healing. | ||
| I could be dwelling over, I grew up with a fucked up mama, the way I grew up and all the stuff that happened to me, but I choose to laugh at it. | ||
| And I want other people. | ||
| It worked for me, and I know it'll work for other people. | ||
| And that's why they should watch your show. | ||
| That's what you did. | ||
| You both figured out a way to do that. | ||
| You really did. | ||
| You figured out a way to take you and put it in a sitcom and not have it... | ||
| Sometimes when they do that, it's clunky. | ||
| Your shit's not clunky at all. | ||
| No. | ||
| You guys did it. | ||
| I can't wait to watch all of them. | ||
| I'm excited. | ||
| Oh shit! | ||
| Joe Rogan, you coming over to BET Plus. | ||
| I'm getting BET Plus. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I heard it's only 10 bucks a month. | |
| Shit. | ||
| Joe Rogan is getting BET Plus. | ||
| I will definitely get it to watch your show. | ||
| Yes! | ||
| And do like my husband do. | ||
| When he wanted to see Power, he got stalled. | ||
| When it went off, he cut it off. | ||
| That might be the blackest shit you ever do, Joe. | ||
| I only have to watch 12 episodes until they get picked up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So when will you find out? | ||
| They said a few weeks? | ||
| Probably a couple weeks after it airs. | ||
| Hopefully it comes out the gate running like a fucking racehorse. | ||
| Well, we are going to do our best to get it out there as fast as possible and get everybody excited about it. | ||
| It's funny. | ||
| Now, you know if Joe Rogan can come over to... | ||
| BET Plus. | ||
| Everybody can come over. | ||
| I think it can transcend. | ||
| I really do. | ||
| I think it's that good. | ||
| I think it's that good. | ||
| It's very funny. | ||
| And it premieres August 12th. | ||
| BET Plus. | ||
| Go get it, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| It's only 10 bucks, you cheap fucks. | ||
| You got money. | ||
| Come on. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| Skip the vitamins and get BET Plus. | ||
| Take vitamins too. | ||
| Skip other things. | ||
| Oh yeah, other shit. | ||
| Thank you, Miss Pat. | ||
| Thank you, Jordan. | ||
| Congratulations. | ||
| You guys nailed it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Beautiful. |
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