July 12, 2021 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:57:49
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
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unidentified
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The Joe Rogan Experience. | |
| Train by day. | ||
| Joe Rogan Podcast by night. | ||
| All day. | ||
| Hello, Brian Simpson. | ||
| What's going on, man? | ||
| Good to see you, my friend. | ||
| Hell yeah. | ||
| What's happening? | ||
| I'm chilling, man. | ||
| I'm just living my best life. | ||
| That's the thing that a lot of people say, and they don't really mean it. | ||
| But I believe you. | ||
| I mean that shit. | ||
| I believe you. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Last night was fun, right? | ||
| Hell yeah. | ||
| Those shows at Vulcan are lit. | ||
| That was a great-ass crowd, man. | ||
| They're real good. | ||
| Always good crowds there. | ||
| It's a good spot, too, because everybody's on top of you. | ||
| You're just in the mix of everything. | ||
| Once they shortened that stage, remember how they had the double stage and they knocked it down? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Well, I like every... | ||
| I find it as I'm going around more and more. | ||
| It was almost like Zaney's. | ||
| In Nashville, it was like any club that has a little... | ||
| Like, people up above you? | ||
| I love that shit. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Well, any time they're just stuffed in on top of you. | ||
| Like, one of the best clubs I ever worked at was the Comedy Connection in Boston. | ||
| Not the one in Fania Hall, but the old one, the original one. | ||
| I mean, it maybe sat 150 people, but they were stuffed into this room with, like, a low ceiling, and it was magic, man. | ||
| You would kill, and it was so contagious. | ||
| The laughter was so contagious. | ||
| Because everybody was just smushed on top of each other. | ||
| Where'd you start? | ||
| I started comedy in San Diego. | ||
| Really? | ||
| At La Jolla? | ||
| Where'd you go? | ||
| No, no. | ||
| I started at a club called The Madhouse. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| I heard of that place. | ||
| Diaz used to do that place. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| It was like started by comics or a comic. | ||
| And it was just one of those places where I got lucky right away. | ||
| They started giving me a lot of stage time. | ||
| I started Because I started right when they opened. | ||
| Were you from San Diego? | ||
| No, but I got stationed there a long time ago, and I went back there to go to school, and that's where I just chose to start. | ||
| What branch of the military are you in? | ||
| Marine Corps. | ||
| And so did you always know you wanted to be a comic? | ||
| Like, where did it come from? | ||
| Nah. | ||
| I just kept being told to do that. | ||
| I tell the story all the time, but I was the... | ||
| I was the only black person in my platoon for a couple of years and Before I got there some racial shit went down and They like you know somebody officer got removed and they took black people out of the unit and I was the first black person back in the unit and I didn't know none of this and then and then I got to them I could feel everyone walking on eggshells around me. | ||
| And one day my one officer asked me, like, hey, how you doing? | ||
| He's like, is everybody treating you? | ||
| And I was like, well, sir, everybody's fucking acting weird. | ||
| I can hear conversations hush up when I come in a room. | ||
| You can feel people editing themselves and shit. | ||
| And then he told me what happened. | ||
| And... | ||
| And I realized, like, this can't work. | ||
| So I told everybody, hey, just say whatever you want to say. | ||
| Don't worry about if you offend me, because if you do, I'm just going to try to hurt your feelings, too. | ||
| You know, like, I'm going to say what I want, and you say what you want, and I'm going to win most of those. | ||
| So then I sort of had, like, a little more leeway than everybody else to speak my mind. | ||
| And so every now and then I would say some shit that I knew everybody was thinking, but nobody could say but me, and people would laugh. | ||
| And that's when I started realizing, oh, I can do this. | ||
| Like, just me complaining is funny. | ||
| So you had no thoughts, like, one day, I want to be a stand-up comedian? | ||
| It was sort of introduced into your head by that? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Like, I started getting laughs all the time. | ||
| Like, all the time. | ||
| And those friends were the ones that started being like, you should do fucking comedy. | ||
| You know? | ||
| That's when I started wanting to do it. | ||
| And what year did you get on stage first? | ||
| 2011. How much did you think about it before you did it? | ||
| How long? | ||
| Did you write it out? | ||
| Did you practice? | ||
| Oh yeah, I think I wrote my first joke in 2005. Oh wow. | ||
| And I waited six years to get on stage. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| So it was brewing in your head. | ||
| Oh yeah, it was brewing and brewing and brewing. | ||
| But you know, because you have that thing where you're afraid To go after something like that. | ||
| Because at the time I was in school, and it's like, am I really going to give up my safe plan for a pipe dream? | ||
| And it's like, yeah, I think so. | ||
| Dude, this whiskey is good. | ||
| What is this shit? | ||
| Yeah, this shit's smooth. | ||
| It's called... | ||
| Is this the stuff that... | ||
| I think it's more scotch. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| But is this... | ||
| Who brought us this? | ||
| I'm trying to remember. | ||
| It was only a couple weeks ago, too. | ||
| Was it Eliza? | ||
| It might have been Eliza. | ||
| It may have been with that other- I don't remember though. | ||
|
unidentified
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Maybe. | |
| It's called Lafro-A-I-C? Lafroig? | ||
| Oh, it's a G. Lafroig? | ||
| Lafroig? | ||
| I'm not saying. | ||
| Irish single malt scotch whiskey, age 10 years. | ||
| It's real shit though. | ||
| It's peaty, right? | ||
|
unidentified
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It's probably- It tastes like- It's got that- Laphroaig. | |
| There you go. | ||
| Laphroaig. | ||
| It's got that peaty taste. | ||
| Is that the right word? | ||
| It doesn't taste like any whiskey I've ever tasted. | ||
| It's good. | ||
| I like it a lot. | ||
| It's legit. | ||
| There's a lot of good whiskey out there. | ||
| That's one of the things about this podcast. | ||
| They found out that I like whiskey, so I got sent a whole shitload of whiskey. | ||
| Have you tried them all? | ||
| Try basically all of them, yeah. | ||
| Buffalo Trace is a sponsor. | ||
| They're the shit. | ||
| That's my favorite in that it's the oldest company that I've ever even heard of. | ||
| They're from 1773. Really? | ||
| Yeah, they started making whiskey before there was a country. | ||
| The United States wasn't even fully formed yet. | ||
| Damn, how come they're not more popular? | ||
| Buffalo Trace? | ||
| They're pretty popular. | ||
| But they're like... | ||
| You know like super hardcore about their what they're aging like they that's aged eight years And then this shit is ten years this Lafregue I said Lafregue Lafrogue like a frog like a frog with a Y still Austin's another company that sent us a batch of shit It's really good really good stuff every time I see you is the different different kind of whiskey Yeah, I decided I like alcohol that I know it's alcohol. | ||
| Like, I don't mind a nice fruity drink. | ||
| I don't mind a pina colada, but I like when you drink whiskey, you know what the fuck you're getting into, you know? | ||
| You drink it, you're like, yikes! | ||
| Yeah, you're like drinking a tree. | ||
| That tastes like a tree. | ||
| It's got a kick, you know? | ||
| I like things with a really spicy hot sauce. | ||
| I like stuff with kicks. | ||
| Yeah, I'm a fan. | ||
| I mean, I'm not a fan. | ||
| I don't want the shit to be spicy for no reason. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| Like, you know, I got friends. | ||
| We used to play this shit called... | ||
| Or they used to play this shit called Hot Wing Roulette. | ||
| Oh, like that show Hot Ones? | ||
| Something like that, except we would go to Hooters or something and get 25 or 20 regular wings and then get five of the crazy, shitty ones that you gotta sign a waiver for and then mix them all together. | ||
| Oh, so you don't know. | ||
| Right, and then I get to pick which wing you have to eat, so I go eat that one. | ||
| And so it's just to see who's gonna get the fucking, the shitty one. | ||
| The death one. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There used to be a place near Boston Comedy in New York City, back when Boston Comedy was in the village. | ||
| There was a place, a wing place, I'm trying to remember the place, trying to remember the name of it, but I do remember that they had wings that were labeled suicide. | ||
| They were so strong. | ||
| They were so hot. | ||
| Like, you had all these different levels that you could choose, and one of them was suicide. | ||
| And I used to get those suicide wings every time I worked there. | ||
| No, that's crazy. | ||
| They were ridiculous. | ||
| They were so hot. | ||
| It hurts. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then it burns your asshole later. | ||
| Nah, that doesn't happen with me. | ||
| I don't get the asshole burn, but I do get the tongue numbing, where your tongue is like, oh, oh. | ||
| But I like it. | ||
| I like real spicy. | ||
| Dude, am I... Yeah, the shooting star. | ||
| Oh, man, you gotta warn motherfuckers about that! | ||
| I thought... | ||
| I was like, what was in that edible? | ||
| Was that shrooms? | ||
| I thought I was watching, okay. | ||
| Yeah, it's like a Rolls Royce has one of those in their ceiling. | ||
| No, that's cool. | ||
| Some Rolls Royces, right? | ||
| Which one is it? | ||
| The Phantom? | ||
| Maybe all of them, I don't know. | ||
|
unidentified
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How do you feel about... | |
| About the Olympics banning Sha'Carri Richardson. | ||
| 100% horseshit. | ||
| First of all, I think the Olympics are disgusting because that lady should be getting paid millions of dollars. | ||
| All of them should be getting paid millions of dollars. | ||
| All the winners, the gold medals, all those people that are generating insane amounts of wealth for the Olympics, they should get a giant piece of that. | ||
| They're responsible for the reason why people watch the Olympics. | ||
| No one's watching the Olympics because it's the Olympics. | ||
| They're watching the Olympics because you see the best athletes on the world, right? | ||
| You see the best athletes who have gone through all these competitions and reached this insane pinnacle of their skill development, right? | ||
| And they're getting nothing. | ||
| They're getting zero. | ||
| And the whole world's watching. | ||
| And they're selling crazy advertisement. | ||
| And that money's being generated. | ||
| And the networks are making it. | ||
| And the IOC is making it. | ||
| And all these other people are making it. | ||
| And the athletes, the whole reason people are tuning in, they get nothing. | ||
| It's insane. | ||
| It's a disgusting, corrupt system. | ||
| It's gross. | ||
| And then a lot of times the cities that they move into, like, once they're gone, they fall the fuck apart. | ||
| Oh, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Well, it's a lot of times, you know, these countries, they build up this whole thing for the Olympics, and they're incentivized, and there's a lot of money that flows into the city, and then once they pull out of that, I mean, the people that live in that country are like, hey, why didn't you spend that shit on infrastructure? | ||
| Why didn't you spend that shit to fix the bridges and the streets and to You know, to fucking fix these communities. | ||
| But there's no money in that. | ||
| I don't give a fuck about you. | ||
| These dirty fucks. | ||
| But I think it's infuriating that this lady, who is apparently, like, she's a shoo-in for the gold medal in the 100 meters. | ||
| She's supposed to be spectacular. | ||
| And they're not going to let her run that. | ||
| But they're gonna let her run the relay. | ||
| Like, fuck you. | ||
| Oh, they're gonna let her run? | ||
| Yeah, they're gonna let her run. | ||
| Yeah, because if she doesn't run the relay, America probably doesn't win. | ||
| I mean, I don't know. | ||
| I don't know jack shit about track and field. | ||
| I think she's kept off. | ||
|
unidentified
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What? | |
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
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What do you mean? | |
| Exclusion from the relay team. | ||
| Yeah, I saw that last night. | ||
| Oh, this is new? | ||
|
unidentified
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Mm-hmm. | |
| She's not on the team. | ||
| But for weed, though. | ||
|
unidentified
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For weed. | |
| It's so dumb. | ||
| It's so dumb. | ||
| For weed. | ||
| It's so dumb. | ||
| Look, if they caught her doing steroids or EPO, okay. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| But man, there was a lot of people accusing her of steroids. | ||
| There was like a lot of people accusing her of a conspiracy. | ||
| So the reason why she smoked weed was so that she could get caught for weed and not get caught for steroids. | ||
| Like, I was reading this, I'm like, you fu- People can't just look at things for what they are. | ||
| Everyone has to look at things with this conspiracy theory lens. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah, I mean, that's just idiots. | |
| People that peddle in conspiracies and rumors, it's like they... | ||
| It's a substitute for doing the work to become actually intelligent. | ||
| You just say the opposite of what everyone's saying. | ||
| It is. | ||
| However, track and field apparently has been one of the dirtiest sports. | ||
| Like, they have been cheating from the jump. | ||
| Apparently, like, most countries cheat. | ||
| They try to figure out a way to juice their athletes up. | ||
| I mean, that's every athlete. | ||
| Did you ever see that movie, Icarus? | ||
| No. | ||
| The documentary? | ||
| It's a documentary about the Sochi Olympic Games. | ||
| Well, it's a documentary about doping. | ||
| And what it was about was this guy, Brian Fogle. | ||
| And he decided to make this documentary. | ||
| It was a brilliant idea. | ||
| He said, I'm going to do a race, clean, I'm going to do a cycling race. | ||
| He was a cyclist. | ||
| He's like, I'm going to do a race clean, and then I'm going to hire someone to dope me up, and I'm going to document it all. | ||
| I'm going to hire someone to give me EPO and steroids and everything I can take, and let me try to do it again and see how much better my time is. | ||
| So along the way, while he's doing this, he's getting all this advice on how to do doping by this guy, Gregory Rechenkov. | ||
| Gregory Rechenkov is the head of the Russian Anti-Doping Agency. | ||
| Which is not really anti-doping at all. | ||
| The Russian Anti-Doping Agency is state-funded. | ||
| So while he's doing this documentary, Russia gets busted for the Sochi Olympics. | ||
| And with the Sochi Olympics, it was like this super sophisticated doping strategy. | ||
| What they would do is they doped up the entire team, but it was in Russia. | ||
| So they had control of where the bottles were kept of the piss. | ||
| So they had a hole in the wall, and so they would take the dirty piss out, put it through a hole in the wall, and then someone would give them a clean piss, and they would replace the clean piss. | ||
| And they figured out a way to open these jars that were supposed to be unopenable. | ||
| They had the Olympics that developed these jars that you could not open them. | ||
| But the Russians figured out how to open them, and they found these microscopic scratches inside the jars, inside the lid, that indicate that somebody had manipulated them. | ||
| So then they do this deep dive investigation, and they find out that this is not their piss at all, and that this is all clean piss that was substituted for their piss to make everybody test negative. | ||
| Meanwhile, the Russians won more gold medals than anybody. | ||
| They just dominated and everything because all their athletes were juiced up. | ||
| Gregory said they juiced up everybody except the figure skaters because apparently female figure skaters, when they juiced them up, it actually didn't help them at all. | ||
| It fucked with their fine motor skills because, you know, figure skating is such a delicate thing, you know, when you're doing those spins and shit like that. | ||
| And it made the girls too manly. | ||
| A little bit too manly. | ||
| That's fucked up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's a great documentary, though. | ||
| And then the Russians got banned from everything? | ||
| They got banned from everything. | ||
| From the Rio Olympics afterwards. | ||
| Russians could only compete as individuals. | ||
| They couldn't compete for Russia. | ||
| And then they banned a bunch of different Russian athletes. | ||
| I'm not sure exactly what the specifics are, but it was a big fucking deal. | ||
| It was a big deal. | ||
| And it was basically all documented. | ||
| He got lucky. | ||
| This guy, Brian Fogle, who's a... | ||
| Tremendous documentary maker. | ||
| I mean, he's amazing. | ||
| I've had him on a couple of times. | ||
| He's also a guy that wrote that... | ||
| He made that film, The Dissident, which is all about the murder of Jamal Khashoggi, who's the journalist from the Washington Post who was killed by the Saudis because he was criticizing them. | ||
| And, bro, they chopped him up and carried him out in briefcases. | ||
| He went to an embassy... | ||
| Was this what the whole Saudi Prince thing was about? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| I never looked into it. | ||
| He had somebody killed for just saying fucked up shit about him? | ||
| Well, criticizing the government. | ||
| I think he used to work with them, and then he started criticizing them, and then they just decided to just whack him. | ||
| Yeah, but this guy Brian Fogle documented that too. | ||
| He's amazing. | ||
| His documentaries are incredible. | ||
| But this Icarus... | ||
| How you got the plug on everything? | ||
| Everybody that watches the Olympics, please, please watch this documentary Icarus so you understand how corrupt all that shit is. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's so insanely corrupt. | ||
| It's a propaganda vehicle for each individual country. | ||
| They're just trying to show that their country's number one and they'll do anything to do that. | ||
| I'm surprised we haven't been caught. | ||
| Doing something like that. | ||
| I don't know if the United States participates in state-funded anti-doping, but I do know that individuals have doped, for sure. | ||
| There's like sneaky strategies. | ||
| Because it doesn't have to be the state if you have capitalism. | ||
| If it's profitable, people will cheat on their own. | ||
| Well, there was... | ||
| What is that guy's name from Balco? | ||
| He'd been on the podcast before. | ||
| Yeah, Victor Conte. | ||
| Victor Conte, he's the one who said that basically all track and field is dirty. | ||
| He's like, particularly, like, look at these countries that dominate in track and field. | ||
| He goes, most likely there's some sort of state-funded doping program. | ||
| And they're just either microdosing these people with testosterone and they're sneaking EPO in them. | ||
| They're doing something where they're doing it at levels where it... | ||
| Either they don't get tested regularly or by the time they do get tested, they make sure it clears out of their system. | ||
| But they have like super sophisticated methods to make sure that they don't get caught. | ||
| It sounds like eventually they're going to have to start letting people dope. | ||
| Well, you know what the real problem is? | ||
| The real problem is gene therapy. | ||
| Because one of these days, they're going to devise gene therapy for athletes that's effective. | ||
| Because they have this thing called CRISPR. And CRISPR is... | ||
| Oh, that's terrifying. | ||
| You know what CRISPR is? | ||
| Yeah, where they can slice, edit genes with it and shit. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| That's... | ||
| I think that's the scariest thing that no one's talking about. | ||
| You can just buy one of those on the internet. | ||
| Some kid in their basement with a couple thousand dollars can just be in there fucking experimenting with shit. | ||
| Can you? | ||
| Yeah! | ||
| I mean, it's not like you can go on Amazon and get one, but I'm sure you can buy one on the dark web or some shit like that. | ||
| Probably. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Terrifying. | ||
| What was that one documentary, Operation Odessa? | ||
| In Operation Odessa, they were trying to sell this dude a submarine. | ||
| And they asked him if he wanted to buy nuclear weapons, too. | ||
| They were trying to sell him a submarine for drugs. | ||
| He was going to smuggle drugs with a Russian submarine. | ||
| And while he's there, they're like, do you want the nuclear missile? | ||
| And he's like, what? | ||
| No, I don't want a fucking missile. | ||
| No. | ||
| And why does it need to be nuclear? | ||
| Because the Russians. | ||
| Russians take everything to the next level. | ||
| Imagine, you're buying a sub to sell coke, right? | ||
| You're trying to move coke. | ||
| And so you get a submarine so you can sneak past the DEA and they ask you if you want a nuclear bomb. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Imagine if you're so coked up you say yes. | ||
| You're gonna nuke the DEA and kill yourself with the process. | ||
| Yeah, imagine. | ||
| Imagine if you see a mushroom cloud in the middle of the ocean. | ||
| Boom! | ||
| You're nuking the fucking coast guard. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Or it starts raining like irradiated cocaine. | ||
| Ooh, wow. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| That's heavy. | ||
| I think we just had a movie idea. | ||
| It starts raining, irradiating cocaine, everybody steps outside. | ||
| It's a new super aggro Godzilla, because Godzilla was supposedly created because of nuclear weapons. | ||
| Right. | ||
| That was the Godzilla, the original Godzilla story, was like, the original Godzilla movie was post-World War II in Japan, and they had, you know, they got nuked, so the idea was that this nuclear radiation had changed these creatures and turned them into monsters. | ||
| Well, he'd be like the Wrath of Man or whatever. | ||
| Right. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| But I don't know about the fucking... | ||
| See, you know the problem is with the weed shit, is that It's really our fault because we're such fucking prudes. | ||
| We need to legalize all drugs. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| And it's the fact that we leave it up to be picking and choosing of what's good drug and what's bad drug that we allow these bodies to exist to make up these dumbass rules. | ||
| I say legalize everything. | ||
| I want crack in the store. | ||
| I want heroin in the store. | ||
| I want every recreational drug available. | ||
| If it's not poison... | ||
| Let it go. | ||
| The problem is there's going to be a time period where a lot of people die, and then people figure it out. | ||
| And if that's your kid that dies during that time period, and that's what people are worried about. | ||
| People are worried about children overdosing, young kids overdosing. | ||
| So they're worried about people that have never had access to these drugs now all of a sudden have unfettered access, and you can just buy whatever you want. | ||
| But the idea behind it, legalizing everything, It's a good idea because there's so much that's already legal. | ||
| I mean, look at the problem we have with opiates in this country. | ||
| Those are all legal. | ||
| You know, you're buying Oxycontin and Oxycodone and Vicodin and all that stuff. | ||
| That stuff is legal. | ||
| So people get it, whether it's through legal or illegal means, it's legally made and it's legally sold. | ||
| It's legally prescribed for people with pain. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You could get it. | ||
| All you have to do is say your back hurts. | ||
| There was a documentary about that shit, the opioid shit. | ||
|
unidentified
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Oh, yeah. | |
| One of them is called OxyContin Express. | ||
| Did you see that one? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| Which one are you talking about? | ||
| I forget the name, but I think it's the one on Netflix. | ||
| Like one that recently came out on Netflix and they were just talking about how it's just the biggest, the crime of the century. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, it is. | ||
| And, you know, there's a lot of countries where they don't allow, well, most countries don't allow people to advertise for drugs. | ||
| This is the only country where they allow you. | ||
| They can have drug ads on TV. This country and New Zealand, the only two countries that allow that. | ||
| This is it? | ||
| The pharmacist? | ||
| No, that wasn't it. | ||
| It's another one. | ||
| After his tragic death, a Louisiana pharmacist goes to extremes to expose the rampant corruption behind the opioid addiction crisis. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| See, this is the argument against legalization, though, right? | ||
| Because it was everywhere, and kids could just try it. | ||
| It was readily available, and you didn't really even need a prescription to get it. | ||
| You know, kids could get it. | ||
| Like, some asshole who's 21 can buy it, and he could sell it to your kids. | ||
| It's it's a tough sell because like I've never tried heroin but Who knows if I would have it was if it was legal if I could just get it anywhere well when I was young and dumb I probably tried it Yeah, and the thing is it's like I think because I think some people look at it like we're choosing between Just fucking chaos or this world where everyone's safe. | ||
| People are unsafe in either world. | ||
| The difference between the world where everything's legal and what we have now is just that people get fucked over for bullshit. | ||
| People that got their shit together, people that can do heroin. | ||
| I know mad functional crackheads that got a family and a job and everything. | ||
| And they just smoke crack like we drink beers or like we drink whiskey. | ||
| That's their whiskey. | ||
| They love crack. | ||
| Well, there's also educated people that enjoy heroin. | ||
| I mean, I've talked about him a million times, but again, Dr. Carl Hart, he's a professor at Columbia. | ||
| Is he black? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
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Dreadlocks? | |
| I saw him when he came out last year. | ||
| He was, like, doing heroin a little bit. | ||
| He's been on my podcast a couple times, and he was on recently, and, you know, he talks openly about how he enjoys heroin and about heroin. | ||
| Like, he'll snort a little heroin, and he said it makes him more compassionate, makes him kinder. | ||
| He's nicer to his wife. | ||
| He's nicer to his family. | ||
| He's like... | ||
| He talks about how it makes him closer to people. | ||
| But he's a genius. | ||
| And he's a guy who's also a guy who studies these chemicals. | ||
| He was like a complete clean sober guy until he was in his 30s. | ||
| And then he starts researching all these drugs because he's a drug researcher. | ||
| It's what he did. | ||
| He's a clinical researcher. | ||
| So in the process of researching it, he's realizing we have a completely distorted public image of what these things are and do. | ||
| I agree. | ||
| And he's like, real cocaine, like actual cocaine? | ||
| He goes, it's wonderful. | ||
| He goes, it's great. | ||
| You would love it. | ||
| He's like, the problem is, the shit that you're buying that's stepped on, it's filled with fentanyl and all kinds of other stuff. | ||
| Because of the fact that it's illegal, we're propping up all these drug cartels, these organized crime cartels, and then on top of it, you're not even getting pure shit. | ||
| Because they step on it. | ||
| Can you imagine if the companies that already do that shit got in the real drug game? | ||
| Well, at least you'd get real stuff. | ||
| You'd get it pure. | ||
| I mean, if they got in the pure cocaine game, and we realized, hey, pure cocaine actually just makes you really productive. | ||
| You just talk a lot. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You just get a brand name on that motherfucker. | ||
| Kellogg's Cocaine. | ||
| Yeah, I've never fucked with coke. | ||
| I've never even tried it. | ||
| It's not worth it. | ||
| I had a friend in high school, and his cousin became an addict, and I saw it early on. | ||
| I was like, fuck that drug. | ||
| All the people I know that love cocaine are pieces of shit. | ||
| Because it literally, that's the effect that long-term coke use, it destroys, it turns you into an asshole in your mind. | ||
| It destroys the part of your mind that's like, chill. | ||
| Yeah, and you slowly get fucking nuts. | ||
| Everybody I know that's been on it for a long time and goes on multiple benders, they're always assholes. | ||
| It's just turned them into just the shittiest version of themselves. | ||
| They get paranoid. | ||
| They start thinking people are against them. | ||
| Well, I think we're getting that with Adderall. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| There's a lot of people out there that are super paranoid that take Adderall. | ||
| And most of those people are the ones getting college degrees. | ||
| Like, they get the habit in school, they get the degree, and they fucking run the society. | ||
| Well, they can get... | ||
| You can do a lot of work when you're on Adderall apparently. | ||
| That's another thing I've never tried but I'm thinking about trying it. | ||
| No because I don't know the fucking research to quote but I've read that it That it doesn't actually make you do better work. | ||
| It just makes you do the shitty work you're doing because you're tired. | ||
| It just makes you be able to do that for longer. | ||
| I think it depends on who you are. | ||
| Well, first of all, I know for a fact, because I have friends that are journalists, that a lot of journalists are doing Adderall. | ||
| They're doing Adderall because, say if you're writing, what if you have to write a 2,500-word essay on something, and you have like three weeks to do it, or whatever you have. | ||
| And you're just grinding around the clock. | ||
| You know, it's hard to keep up your energy, especially if you look at a lot of these guys. | ||
| They're not healthy. | ||
| They don't exercise. | ||
| They're not fit. | ||
| And then maybe they don't have the best discipline in the world. | ||
| They pop a couple of what color Adderall's? | ||
| White. | ||
| A couple of those white jammies. | ||
| Get that party started. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa! | |
| And it's basically a form of amphetamine. | ||
| It's not much different than meth. | ||
| Yeah, it's pretty much the same, right? | ||
| Pretty much. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's just slightly different. | ||
| And I think maybe it's like a little bit more of a slow release thing than some of the fucking Breaking Bad meth. | ||
| Oh yeah, but the slow release coating is just on the outside. | ||
| You just crush it up and it's gone. | ||
| Well, I had a friend of mine who was a writer. | ||
| He used to snort it. | ||
| He used to crush it up and snort it, and his wife got furious at him. | ||
| She's like, what the fuck are you doing? | ||
| He's like, I got a deadline. | ||
| She's like, you're snorting drugs! | ||
| I'm for it. | ||
| I'm for it. | ||
| If the drugs you're doing are making you better, Because to me, addiction is not a problem until it's affecting your life negatively. | ||
| And you can't stop, that's when it's a problem. | ||
| But if the drugs you're doing are improving your life, then I don't see the problem. | ||
| If you're Carl Hart, if you can handle it, if you're an intelligent person that understands what you're doing, the problem is a lot of people are not intelligent, they don't understand what they're doing, and they're looking for escapes. | ||
| Some people are just looking to escape reality, and they're looking to escape their responsibilities. | ||
| One of the reasons why they want to get fucked up in the first place is because there's a lot of shit that they need to handle and deal with that they're not dealing with, whether it's bills or relationship shit or work shit or whatever the fuck it is. | ||
| And so they just get blasted, you know? | ||
| For some people, that's the only happiness they got. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Let them get fucked up. | ||
| Right. | ||
| That's the other side of it, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Especially if you can keep a job. | ||
| I mean, imagine if... | ||
| Because there are some people whose lives are just mostly misery. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| It's like people get upset at homeless people for being fucked up all the time. | ||
| It's like 90% of his life is misery. | ||
| That's why he goes so hard on the drugs. | ||
| That's all he has. | ||
| You ever heard of the rat farm study that they did? | ||
| They did this thing with rats. | ||
| They did two studies. | ||
| They did one study where they took rats. | ||
| And they gave them water that had heroin and cocaine in it. | ||
| I talked about it the other day with Michael Pollan. | ||
| He explained it. | ||
| And this study, they showed that the rats, when you lock them up in this little cage and you give them water that has heroin or cocaine in it, that they don't even eat, they don't breathe, they don't do anything. | ||
| They just keep hitting the cocaine, keep hitting the heroin, and they wind up doing that until they die. | ||
| And so this other guy came along and said, okay, but... | ||
| This is a completely unnatural environment that these animals are living in. | ||
| They're living in a cage, they're getting stared at all the time. | ||
| So he decided to make a really big cage, like the size of a room, and he filled it up with trees. | ||
| It's called a rat park study. | ||
| And he made a really big room. | ||
| And he made it like real fun. | ||
| He put toys in there and he put these other rats in there and plenty of food and brush and trees and shit and stuff to hang out in. | ||
| And he also put regular water and then he put the water that has the heroin and the morphine or and the cocaine. | ||
| And they barely fucked with the water with the heroin and the cocaine. | ||
| They touched it a little bit and went back to work. | ||
| And they went and played and hung out. | ||
| And sometimes some rats did it more than others, but none of them just did it until they died. | ||
| And none of them did it and didn't breed and didn't hang out and eat food. | ||
| They were living in an unnatural environment where they're under extreme stress. | ||
| Like imagine you don't have a language, right? | ||
| You're an animal that's supposed to be living free out in the world. | ||
| And then all of a sudden you're in this weird box under fluorescent lights and you got a cage. | ||
| And then the only pleasure is this cocaine. | ||
| And so you just keep hitting that cocaine because your life sucks. | ||
| We're the same. | ||
| I was reading something about people that came back from Vietnam and how they... | ||
| after they surveyed or studied them they found out that it wasn't everyone that was on heroin was a dope thing when they came back it was the people that came back to loving environments where they had like Support and family and love. | ||
| They were fine. | ||
| They'd stop doing heroin. | ||
| In fact, they said that 95% quit. | ||
|
unidentified
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95%. | |
| Only 5% kept doing heroin after they came back from NOM. That's crazy. | ||
| Right, and then you gotta think about 5%. | ||
| Maybe that 5% are the people that saw the most shit. | ||
| Is that, um, that lighter out of juice? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Is it? | |
| No? | ||
| Yeah, it's good. | ||
| I thought I was about to die. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| That was good? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| Yeah, I mean, that's how it is with people, man. | ||
| Like, we don't want to live in a horrible way where we have no love and we have no community and no friendship. | ||
| I mean, we see those people on 6th Street, right? | ||
| Down the street from Vulcan at that homeless center. | ||
| I would do drugs, too, if I lived there. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Every time I got the chance. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, I got somewhere to live and I still get so low sometimes where I be like, I gotta get high or drunk or something. | ||
| So it's like, let them get high. | ||
| That's the least of our problems. | ||
| Everybody needs community. | ||
| Everybody. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So for me, being scared to legalize drugs because you don't want people to completely do it, it's almost like, like you said, if we created a world that people didn't want to escape from, Then it would just, it would be like doing drugs would just be like going to the amusement park. | ||
| It's like, we're doing heroin this summer. | ||
| You know, we're shrooming with grandma. | ||
| And that's possible, man. | ||
| That's not, it's not impossible. | ||
| It's just people are so greedy. | ||
| People are so greedy and there's a lot of incentives in being greedy and not a lot of incentives of establishing like really beneficial communities for all. | ||
| But if they looked at it the right way, if our government looked at it the right way, if there was less crime and less distressed people and less fucked up people, you'd have to spend less money. | ||
| Because you'd have less hospital visits, less prison money, you'd have less crime, you'd have less everything. | ||
| You'd have a better environment. | ||
| You'd have a more loving community. | ||
| It's possible. | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| We need mushrooms. | ||
| Do you think it's likely, though? | ||
| Do you think? | ||
| Do you think it's because I feel like, like you said, we live in a world now where most people are you're almost incentivized to be your worst self. | ||
| I don't know about that. | ||
| No, I don't think so. | ||
| I don't think you're incentivized to be your worst self. | ||
| I think the problem with being your worst self. | ||
| Remember, we were having this conversation last night without mentioning names about comedy is that comedians need community. | ||
| We need each other. | ||
| And the comics that we know that are the most miserable, they don't have any comic friends. | ||
| They're all real selfish, and they don't support each other, and they're all out there on their own. | ||
| And they think that somehow or another, hey, it's fucking me against the world. | ||
| They have that sort of attitude, but it's not you against the world. | ||
| Because even if you win, if you really think like that, it's you and fuck everybody else. | ||
| The problem is, then you're out there on your own. | ||
| And even if you make it, you're lonely. | ||
| You're lonely. | ||
| You have no companionship. | ||
| It's miserable. | ||
| You also have no colleagues. | ||
| Like, one of the best things about comedy is colleagues. | ||
| Like, we were talking shop last night before the show. | ||
| We were talking about bits. | ||
| Like, changing bits and altering bits. | ||
| And, you know, Tony had a bit and I gave him a tagline to it. | ||
| I'm like, oh, I can't wait to see you do that bit. | ||
| You know, it's exciting, man. | ||
| Watching each other succeed is exciting. | ||
| It's fun. | ||
| It's part of the fun. | ||
| When you have friends and you love them and you see them kill, That's part of the fun of this all. | ||
| That's the best shit. | ||
| It's the best shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| When your friends get Netflix specials like Brian Simpson. | ||
| Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| They're announcing it today. | ||
| We didn't know that we could talk about it. | ||
| We were going to try to dance around it. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| No, they gave me the green light. | ||
| Did you have to ask them for the green light? | ||
| No. | ||
| No, it just so happened, like, I forgot to check on it, and then I just, somebody messaged me a day. | ||
| Oh, synchronicity! | ||
| They did a press release, but yeah, I'm on the third season of the stand-ups. | ||
| Listen, you are a funny motherfucker. | ||
| You made me laugh hard. | ||
| You know, Segura told me how funny you were. | ||
| I love watching someone I have never seen before murder. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| It's one of my favorite things because I don't know what you're gonna say. | ||
| I don't know what your act is. | ||
| I don't know what your perspective is. | ||
| It's pure. | ||
| It's like I get to be an audience member. | ||
| I don't know shit about you. | ||
| I just know you come highly recommended and I saw you. | ||
| The first time we worked together was only a few weeks ago. | ||
| You fucking murdered. | ||
| It was fun. | ||
| It was very exciting. | ||
| Yeah, it's wild for Segura, because that's a perfect example of what you were talking about. | ||
| He saw me be funny somewhere a few years back, four or five years ago, and he was like, oh, dude, I need to introduce you to everybody. | ||
| Come on, come do my podcast, come on the road with me. | ||
| Everybody needs to know how funny you are. | ||
| Just off that. | ||
| I didn't know him at all before that. | ||
| That's what we do, man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And if you don't got that, that's got to be miserable. | ||
| Well, it's bad for the business, first of all. | ||
| If you're a comic and you—first of all, everybody got into comedy because they love comedy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right? | |
| We all get into it. | ||
| And who could help comedy more than other comedians? | ||
| You can help. | ||
| If someone likes you, and they go, oh, Bryan Simpson, I'm a giant fan, he's hilarious, and he's real honest, and he's a cool motherfucker, and then Bryan Simpson says, you gotta listen to Ian Edwards, that fucking dude is hilarious, and then people are gonna go, oh, okay, I'll check out that guy now. | ||
| And as long as you don't boost anybody up who sucks, that's a problem. | ||
| Well, yeah, that's the tough part. | ||
| I'm done. | ||
| You done with this? | ||
| I'm gonna put this down. | ||
| I'm too hard, I can't think. | ||
| But as long as you don't boost anybody up who sucks, the audience is always going to trust you and, you know, there's different tastes. | ||
| Some people don't like certain things. | ||
| Some people like other comics more than they like this one or that one. | ||
| It's fine. | ||
| It's part of being a person. | ||
| But the point is, we all got into this because we love comedy. | ||
| So we should help each other. | ||
| But the old days were like famine thinking. | ||
| Everybody thought that if you made it, like all of a sudden, if I look up and now Bryan Simpson is selling out Madison Square Garden, I'm like, fuck, that should be me. | ||
| That's nonsense. | ||
| That's how they think. | ||
| Like people were thinking in a way where if someone did really well, somehow or another that was bad for them. | ||
| It's just famine thinking. | ||
| That's all it is. | ||
| And maybe there was some merit to that back then. | ||
| Back then. | ||
| But now there's no certain number of spots. | ||
| No. | ||
| You can make your own way. | ||
| You can have your own fans. | ||
| And if you open up your own club and you start selling out every night, that's great for everybody. | ||
| Then more people are going to come. | ||
| It's great for everybody. | ||
| Dude, when I lived in Boston, and this is in the 1980s, there was, on one block on Warrington Street, there was Nick's Comedy Stop, which had three rooms running simultaneously. | ||
| I'm talking on the same block, like not even 200 yards away was the Comedy Connection. | ||
| Like you could literally run there in less than a minute. | ||
| Oh wow. | ||
| The Comedy Connection's right there. | ||
| And then the Comedy Connection was below the Comedy Club at the Charles Playhouse. | ||
| So there was the Comedy Connection downstairs, and then sometimes we would work up... | ||
| Mike Clark had a club upstairs for a bit. | ||
| Then you would go across the street, and it was Duck Soup, which was a real high-end comedy club that Paul Barkley and Bill Downs put together. | ||
| They were the original owners of the Comedy Connection. | ||
| They said, let's do a super, really nice, high-end, super clean... | ||
| Turns out not a good idea. | ||
| It's a little too nice. | ||
| And they wanted everything to be clean. | ||
| Comedy's got to be... | ||
| You've got to have... | ||
| Dingy-ness, little cement floors. | ||
| I refuse to do that. | ||
| I refuse any gigs where it's like, you gotta be clean. | ||
| I'll be miserable. | ||
| I don't wanna do that. | ||
| They just took a chance. | ||
| But the point is, you got one room here with three rooms, and then you got another room here, so that's a fourth room. | ||
| You got above it, you got a fifth room, and then over here, you got a sixth room. | ||
| In one block! | ||
| Six rooms in one block, and then over there you had Dick Doherty's Comedy Vault that was only a block away from that. | ||
| Yeah, you'll get good fast with that kind of fucking station. | ||
| Bro, and they didn't suffer. | ||
| No one suffered. | ||
| No one was dying. | ||
| They were all packed every night. | ||
| And then you'd go on the other side of town, there was Stitches. | ||
| Stitches was a great club, too. | ||
| It was crazy. | ||
| Boston's not that big. | ||
| It's not an enormous place. | ||
| That's something that could be done anywhere where it just starts happening. | ||
| It kind of happened a little bit on Sunset, because you had the Laugh Factory, which always does really well, and then down the street you got the store, and then across the other side you have the Improv on Melrose, which is only a few miles away. | ||
| Yeah, you could walk there in like 15 minutes. | ||
| Yeah, but that is what it takes. | ||
| It takes that for everybody. | ||
| And if you look at that period of comedy in Boston, it was incredible. | ||
| Why do you think those eras end? | ||
| What happens that cause them to collapse? | ||
| Because I hear that magic. | ||
| There's always a period like that where this is when it was magic in this city. | ||
| And this is when this comic and that comic and this comic came out of there. | ||
| And then those places always sort of fade away. | ||
| Yeah, that's a good question. | ||
| Most of those clubs aren't around anymore, right? | ||
| Most of those clubs are not around. | ||
| I think Nick's Comedy Stop is still around. | ||
| And the Comedy Connection, now Blumenwright, who's awesome. | ||
| I've been working for him. | ||
| Bill Blumenwright is the owner of the Wilbur Theatre. | ||
| He does the Comedy Connection there. | ||
| He does all my gigs in Boston. | ||
| When I first started working for him, it was like... | ||
| 1989 or some shit like a long time ago, man. | ||
| I've known that dude forever And so he keeps comedy alive with the Wilbur because he brings in like big headliners all the time I think he has another theater now as well So he's he's like a big thing going on in Boston and they still have a few clubs there and they got laugh Boston Which is pretty good, but it's just for whatever reason maybe it's going through a little a little dip and then it'll come back strong but But when I left, man, it was like the guys that were in my era were... | ||
| I left... | ||
| Nick DiPaolo was before me. | ||
| So it was like him and Mark Maron was before me. | ||
| They were established and they were touring already. | ||
| And then my era was like me and then it was Dane Cook and Anthony Clark. | ||
| There's a few other guys. | ||
| I'm probably... | ||
| Oh, Greg Fitzsimmons was with me. | ||
| That was my era. | ||
| And then when we left, then it was Burr started taking... | ||
| And Patrice. | ||
| Patrice was the fucking giant. | ||
| And then they went to New York. | ||
| And sometimes when comics just leave, if you don't have like a big headliner all the time, like stand-up in Boston was dominated by all these big local headliners. | ||
| There was like Don Gavin and Steve Sweeney and... | ||
| Lenny, Clark, these guys were murderers, man. | ||
| I'm telling you, to this day, some of the strongest sets I've ever seen in my life, and they never left that area. | ||
| Lenny did. | ||
| Lenny's the only guy that did. | ||
| But most of those guys, like Sweeney and Gavin, they stayed in Boston. | ||
| They like it there. | ||
| They don't give a fuck. | ||
| They just do clubs in Boston. | ||
| And I'm telling you, they're some of the best headliners of all time. | ||
| I'll put Dom Gavin in his prime up against anybody who's ever lived. | ||
| He was a murderer, dude. | ||
| Like, fast-paced, rapid-fire punchlines. | ||
| Like, you would be dying. | ||
| You'd be holding your sides. | ||
| You couldn't believe how funny he was. | ||
| But he stayed in Boston. | ||
| So, for that community, man, a lot of guys left. | ||
| And the guys who stayed, they just, you know, they got older and older, and maybe they performed less. | ||
| And, you know, it wasn't the same. | ||
| And it was also, like, Seeing other guys go on to do TV shows and having it not happen to you, it's not fun. | ||
| Some of those guys got some of the recognition, but they didn't get the recognition they deserved at the time because they were local. | ||
| But to us, the guys who lived in that time, whether it was me and Bill Burr and Fitz Simmons, we'll talk about it. | ||
| To us in that time, man, we were so lucky because we got to see top of the food chain stand-up that only people got to see in Boston. | ||
| Because they didn't go anywhere. | ||
| Yeah, that's awesome. | ||
| They were so good, dude. | ||
| There's guys that were so good. | ||
| Kenny Rogerson, he was a brilliant joke writer. | ||
| Brilliant. | ||
| And they were like, the ethics of the town, they were always favored, like writing and creativity and new jokes. | ||
| It was a great place. | ||
| It was a great place. | ||
| The scene has to have that kind of ethic. | ||
| It has to have that kind of ethic, and it also has that kind of energy. | ||
| Because in Boston, it was like the energy was... | ||
| First of all, there's a great documentary on it, when stand-up stood out by this guy, Fran Salamita, who was a Boston comic, and he made a documentary about the scene. | ||
| It's perfect because it all details how Stephen Wright made it out of Boston. | ||
| And he became huge. | ||
| And everybody was like, fuck, when's my turn? | ||
| And everybody thought it was going to happen to them, too, and a lot of them it didn't. | ||
| And guys that were as funny as Stephen Wright, that's what's crazy. | ||
| They were good, dude. | ||
| Good. | ||
| You did not want to follow Steve Sweeney. | ||
| You did not want to follow him, man. | ||
| He was murderous. | ||
| That's exciting though. | ||
| It was great. | ||
| It was great. | ||
| I love the idea of like, man. | ||
| It was a great time. | ||
| It was a great time. | ||
| The level of murder was so high. | ||
| These guys were killing every night. | ||
| You couldn't stop them. | ||
| They were so funny. | ||
| It'll end up being that way here. | ||
| It could. | ||
| It could. | ||
| It could be a different thing. | ||
| You know, it's like what we can do is do the best we can with what we've got right here. | ||
| Now that Segura's here, Tim Dillon's here, you know, I know you're thinking about coming here, Tony's here. | ||
| We can do something here. | ||
| There's a lot of funny local people. | ||
| Genevieve is hilarious. | ||
| Yeah, she's funny as shit. | ||
| She's powerful. | ||
| And she's a fanny pack supporter. | ||
| So I'm with her to the end. | ||
| Remind me, I have to give her one of mine. | ||
| She's got this one. | ||
| Maybe it's part of her charm though. | ||
| She's that giant whack fanny pack that she wears. | ||
| She's someone I found out about in this community because of local Austin comics. | ||
| She did Kill Tony and Tony recommended her. | ||
| She's hilarious. | ||
| We can do something here, man. | ||
| We can do something here. | ||
| Could we ever achieve what was in Boston in the 1980s? | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| It's going to be different. | ||
| No matter what, it's going to be different. | ||
| But I think we can do our best. | ||
| It doesn't have to be exactly that. | ||
| No, we can do our best. | ||
| But there's a lot of talent here. | ||
| And there's a lot of enthusiasm for comedy here. | ||
| And it's fun, man. | ||
| It's fun. | ||
| It's fun to be able to just do comedy. | ||
| Yeah, and the crowds are great. | ||
| They're great. | ||
| I mean, I get a lot of different kinds of crowds. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| And I love the fact that everything is... | ||
| Like you said, it's like, you know, the creek's right there, and the park's right there, and there's a room across from there. | ||
| That makes it so much more enjoyable to just go from spot to spot to spot. | ||
| And then that can be done here. | ||
| This is one of the best places to go from spot to spot. | ||
| It really is. | ||
| Because, oh man, these crowds are hyped too. | ||
| They know something new is happening here. | ||
| You know, they know that there's a big influx of comics. | ||
| They get it. | ||
| Like, when I was doing the Stubb shows with Donnell Rawlings and Dave Chappelle and Mo Hammer and Michelle Wolfe, those fucking shows were wild, dude. | ||
| It just felt crazy. | ||
| Like, they were so happy that people were there. | ||
| They were so happy that people were at a show. | ||
| They were so happy they were just... | ||
| Like, I'll never forget those times, man, because it was like... | ||
| There was no shows for so long. | ||
| And when we started doing shows again, everybody was like, I can't believe we're doing this. | ||
| There was a feeling like, I can't believe we're doing this. | ||
| I can't believe it's happening again. | ||
| It feels like extra good. | ||
| Extra. | ||
| I was telling my homie, it feels like the condom popped on reality. | ||
| You know, where you're like, oh shit, this feels way better than I remember. | ||
| It's like we had water in our ears, and then we shook the water out, like, oh my god, this is how I hear. | ||
| I feel like everyone is more of what they were before. | ||
| If you were a piece of shit before the pandemic, your ability to hide it is gone. | ||
| And if you were a great person, because there's way more love and support, and the bullshit is also back like an extra... | ||
| Well, there's a lot of fear. | ||
| And fear, you could either get love out of fear or you can get unnecessary animosity and unnecessary arguments and fights out of fear. | ||
| Because it all comes from the same place. | ||
| Everybody's reality got shooken up. | ||
| So your baseline of happiness was lowered for everybody. | ||
| Everybody got real nervous and weirded out, especially if you have older ones or loved ones who are extremely vulnerable. | ||
| I know guys who can't leave the house because they're taking care of their mom. | ||
| I know a guy, he got his mom vaccinated and didn't take. | ||
| Yeah, she's got an immune system problem. | ||
| And so they have to be super vigilant about isolating her. | ||
| It's a nightmare. | ||
| It's a nightmare. | ||
| That's terrifying. | ||
| And they're doing their best and they're getting through it with love and they're laughing about it. | ||
| But everyone's baseline nervousness rose and your baseline happiness dropped because we were uncertain. | ||
| So now, when people are uncertain, you know how some people get stressed out. | ||
| Everyone, when they get stressed out, your temper is shortened. | ||
| How long your wick is, how long it takes for you to get upset is shortened. | ||
| And Americans, we're particularly not used to uncertainty when it comes to certain things, you know. | ||
| Especially when we feel like things could have been handled better. | ||
| That's the thing where people start freaking out about. | ||
| Like, why weren't we more prepared for this? | ||
| Why didn't we handle this better? | ||
| Why didn't we shut that down quicker? | ||
| There's all these what-ifs or why didn't we after things happen. | ||
| It's insane. | ||
| Yeah, so everybody's freaked out. | ||
| What's really insane is when you find out, when you look back and do the research, we did the same thing during the Spanish flu. | ||
| All the same precautions, the masks, keep the distance, all that shit. | ||
| We don't have any better response to this kind of shit than we did 100 years ago. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, I just really hope that people come out of this with, at the very least, an appreciation for how well we had it and we didn't realize how well we had it. | ||
| Because you have to kind of experience something that sucks to realize how good things are. | ||
| That's why it's got to be terrible to not have any adversity in your life. | ||
| It's not good for you. | ||
| It's unhealthy. | ||
| No. | ||
| You got to have these little valleys that make you appreciate the peaks. | ||
| I try to be an appreciative person, but this last year made me really think differently about the temporary nature of this life. | ||
| Because this is a mild one in terms of worldwide pandemics. | ||
| It was horrible for everybody who died, horrible for everybody who lost family members. | ||
| But if it was something like the bubonic plague, some wild shit that kills like 30% of the population, you know how insane that must have been? | ||
| People went through that multiple times in our past with no medicine, man. | ||
| Could you imagine what it must have been like when just horrible diseases? | ||
| We got lucky with this one. | ||
| Not only no medicine, but not even any idea of what a germ was. | ||
| They thought they were curses. | ||
| They thought they were... | ||
| Demons haunting you and shit. | ||
| So they weren't even on the right track to even solve your problem. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| And by me saying we got lucky, I do not demean the deaths of any of the people who died or dismissed them in any way. | ||
| That's not what I'm saying. | ||
| I'm saying relative to what it could have been if it was a real one, real crazy one. | ||
| There's diseases that killed, you know, Ebola kills like 90% of the people. | ||
| There's diseases like that that are real. | ||
| There's a video game called Plague, Plague, Inc. | ||
| Do you ever fuck with this? | ||
| Yeah, I've seen it. | ||
| Yeah, it's kind of morbid when you think about it, but when you're playing the game, it's fun. | ||
| But you're trying to create a disease, and you give it different characteristics, and you're trying to get it to spread around the world as fast as possible. | ||
| And it's super reality-driven. | ||
| It's based on what diseases transmit better. | ||
| The ones that don't kill the host quickly. | ||
| Those are the ones that transmit the best. | ||
| The ones that kill you quick, those you can contain and it dies off in an area. | ||
| Oh, right, right, right. | ||
| But that game is based on that. | ||
| It's based on a realistic depiction of how viruses best spread. | ||
| I think there's a couple of those games. | ||
| And you were talking about a lot here about the uncertainty. | ||
| Very rarely does something that's happening somewhere else in the world affect us. | ||
| We didn't really have to deal with Ebola. | ||
| We didn't really have to deal with SARS. Remember when sometimes people would come back with certain diseases, like you thought someone had the Zika? | ||
| Oh yeah. | ||
| Remember the Zika? | ||
| But I also remember them being like, oh yeah, the government swooped in, they locked down the whole plane, they got that motherfucker in a bubble in Texas. | ||
| So that's why I didn't even take the coronavirus seriously. | ||
| At first I was like, oh yeah, well that's happening everywhere, this was not going to happen here. | ||
| Well, I knew a lot of people that didn't take it seriously until I had Dr. Michael Osterholm on the podcast, and he scared the fuck out of all of us. | ||
| He scared the shit out of me. | ||
| I mean, he was just basically saying, like, how quickly this thing can spread, how contagious it is, and how potentially lethal it is. | ||
| And his estimations of how many people are going to die in America were—he was— Probably being extra cautious, and it didn't turn out to be that number, but it scared the fuck out of everybody. | ||
| It scared the fuck out of me. | ||
| I know that. | ||
| It was terrifying, because I remember once I was like, oh, it's here? | ||
| It's here. | ||
| Once I knew it was here, I got scared because I was like, now that they're telling us the truth, that means they've been lying for six months. | ||
| Whenever the government starts being upfront about shit, that's how I feel. | ||
| They've been keeping shit from you. | ||
| I know what you're saying, but I think in this case, this is a particularly unusual case. | ||
| Why? | ||
| Because the government in China was not being honest about Either they didn't know yet or they weren't being honest about how it spread. | ||
| Like one of the things they were saying initially, the World Health Organization was saying that it doesn't spread from human to human. | ||
| Do you know that? | ||
| Like in the very early days of the pandemic? | ||
| When was that when they thought it didn't spread from person to person? | ||
| It had to be like November. | ||
| It was really, really early on. | ||
| So my point is, there was a lot of confusion. | ||
| So the government might not have been lying in the beginning. | ||
| They might not have fucking known. | ||
| Because you've got to think, the government doesn't have early access to the science. | ||
| If the scientists themselves are fucking this up... | ||
| They might not know what this is. | ||
| If they're getting lied to, if someone is saying, like, hey, this definitely didn't come from our lab, and they're like, okay, shit, we have to figure out what the fuck this is, right? | ||
| They probably had to look at a lot of possible options, and somewhere along the line, they got a lot of stuff wrong, right? | ||
| They thought that it didn't transmit from human to human. | ||
| At least someone said that early on. | ||
| Who said that, Jamie? | ||
| Do we know yet? | ||
| I don't remember hearing that, but... | ||
| I think it was a World Health Organization thing, but, like, super early on. | ||
| So if you read that early on, and you're a guy who works all day, and you're not paying attention to shit, and you're like, yeah, I heard the World Health Organization said we've got to stop being worried. | ||
| It doesn't even spread from person to person. | ||
| Then a couple weeks later, you're like, no, no, no, it does. | ||
| It does. | ||
| Easy. | ||
| Quick. | ||
| Spreads through whole countries. | ||
| I think they were trying to do what we did with the Spanish flu. | ||
| We were trying to wait until it spreads. | ||
| Here it is. | ||
| An infamous WHO tweet saying there was no clear evidence COVID-19 could spread between humans was posted for balance to reflect findings from China. | ||
| God damn it. | ||
| What a psychopath. | ||
| So this was April of 2020. So that's, you know... | ||
| That's early on, man. | ||
| No one knew what the fuck was going on. | ||
| So they, apparently, the tweet soon proved wrong as a symbol for WHO critics of how it mishandled and downplayed the pandemic. | ||
| But again, who's giving them information? | ||
| And how does it, when it gets to the government, where's it coming from? | ||
| Okay, is it Chinese scientists straight to the media? | ||
| Probably not. | ||
| Hell no. | ||
| Probably Chinese scientists to the Chinese government. | ||
| The Chinese government decides what to say and what not to say, right? | ||
| And so then the American government has to figure out what to say, too. | ||
| There's a lot of shit going on and a bunch of people are dying. | ||
| People have to realize that the people running the government are not that much different than you and I. They're just people. | ||
| So imagine a job like that. | ||
| It don't run like a well-oiled machine either. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And wasn't there some sort of a reduction in the pandemic response department that people were complaining about? | ||
| Wasn't there something? | ||
| I think Trump got rid of the whole team. | ||
| Either they absorbed into something else. | ||
| I don't remember what the... | ||
| I don't want to quote that. | ||
| But I do remember that no one in our lifetime has experienced anything like this before. | ||
| The thing about a pandemic is... | ||
| Like these 100-year ones, like the Spanish flu and then COVID, it's like, you've never experienced it. | ||
| No one's ever experienced anything closely. | ||
| Nothing to it. | ||
| There's been a few flus that were real bad, a few diseases that broke up. | ||
| There's nothing that went through the whole country like this. | ||
| So to say that they should have had a fucking rock-solid response for some man-made virus that spreads like the breeze. | ||
| Can you imagine... | ||
| I can't imagine being somebody in any other country, and once they seen it fucking with America, they were like, oh, this is gonna fuck us up. | ||
| If it fucked with them, yeah. | ||
| If the richest people can't stop it. | ||
| But a surprisingly small number of rich people have died from it. | ||
| I'm sure a lot of rich people have died. | ||
|
unidentified
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No? | |
| From COVID? No? | ||
| Nah. | ||
| Rich fat people? | ||
|
unidentified
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Oh, well, I mean, I feel like if you- That's the big one, right? | |
| That was 78% of all the mortalities or the ICU patients for COVID were obese. | ||
| People that were obese? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| I guess that's not surprising. | ||
| Something that puts a strain on your heart? | ||
| It puts a strain on your whole system, you know? | ||
| Being someone who's dealing with something like that, you want your body as absolutely healthy as possible. | ||
| That's my biggest problem with all this shit. | ||
| I feel like being obese kind of makes everything harder. | ||
| Like, I don't know any obese old people. | ||
| You know anybody that's like 70? | ||
| I've seen a few. | ||
| That's like obese? | ||
| I've seen a few, and they usually need walking assistance and shit, you know? | ||
| They're joints are destroyed. | ||
| They got like four devices installed. | ||
| To keep their heart pumping. | ||
| Just to stay alive. | ||
| That's a weird thing, right? | ||
| The desire to just keep it pumping, even if you're in agony and you're miserable all day. | ||
| Nah, take me the fuck out. | ||
| I'm saying it right now. | ||
| If I want my do not resuscitate, I'll get a tattoo if I have to. | ||
| Imagine if you get resuscitated while you're in heaven. | ||
| You're like, you're up there. | ||
| This is amazing. | ||
| Heaven's perfect. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| Why was I wasting my time with ego and life? | ||
| And then all of a sudden there's... | ||
| They jolt them, clear! | ||
| And you get sucked back down in your fucking shitty job. | ||
| Did you watch the movie that just happened in? | ||
| I thought you were explaining it. | ||
| That just happened in a movie I watched like two nights ago. | ||
| Shut the fuck up. | ||
| Ethan Hawke. | ||
| It's called 24 Hours to Live. | ||
| It's by the producers of John Wick. | ||
| It's a silly action movie, but that literally happens in the movie. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| What if you get resuscitated? | ||
| That is so funny. | ||
| You get resuscitated back out of heaven. | ||
| Thank God you told me, because I've got to turn that into a bit. | ||
| Wow, that's exactly the premise? | ||
| Like, he's in heaven and he gets resuscitated? | ||
| 100%. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| You get resuscitated and then the time you're alive again, you make the fuck up that keeps you out of heaven? | ||
| Ooh. | ||
| I like it going fucked up. | ||
| Oh, right, right? | ||
| You get in, like, a fight with your girlfriend's ex-boyfriend and you kill him. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You wind up going to hell. | ||
| You gotta get some kind of heaven lawyer to, like, please the case. | ||
|
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Yeah, and maybe it's not even your fault, but you did commitment. | |
| Yeah, but you committed murder in your second life. | ||
| Is that in the movie too? | ||
| So he's a special forces guy who's like a piece of shit because he kills people all over the world and then like an accident happens, lady brings him back, and he's got 24 hours to live to like make things right. | ||
| But without spoiling the movie, there's other shit that happens. | ||
| Make things right for who? | ||
| Ethan Hawke. | ||
| Ethan Hawke's the main guy in the movie. | ||
| Ethan Hawke was in that really interesting fucking time movie that I liked. | ||
| What the hell was that called? | ||
| Gattaca. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| The more recent one. | ||
| There was a more recent one. | ||
| God damn it. | ||
| It's a really recent Ethan Hawke movie. | ||
| I'm trying to remember. | ||
| And basically, he has this device. | ||
| Predestination. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| I don't want to give any of it away because it's such a twisted up plot. | ||
| It's like, yikes. | ||
| It's really crazy. | ||
| Like, nothing I've ever seen before. | ||
| But it's interesting. | ||
| Like, it's really well done. | ||
| It's fun. | ||
| You know, you have to do a little suspension of disbelief. | ||
| But it's a time travel movie. | ||
| Same, same with this. | ||
| Time travel is a crazy idea, man. | ||
| The idea that you need to go back and do it right. | ||
| But I mean, it makes sense in some ways. | ||
| Like if something horrible happens, you made an accident, you did something wrong. | ||
| But for regular mistakes, to be able to go back and just correct regular mistakes... | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| You need those mistakes to teach you. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because that's how you really... | ||
| That's how you really learn shit in your spirit, in your DNA, is your mistakes. | ||
| Nobody can just tell you It's like when people want... | ||
| It's like there's a difference between knowing the recipe and baking the cake. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Right. | ||
| Some people can't... | ||
| They could memorize the recipe, but they can't cook for some reason. | ||
| You can put the instructions right in front of them. | ||
| We were talking about this last night that I said life... | ||
| I'm not a surfer. | ||
| Let me just qualify this real quick if I fuck up the lingo for any surfers. | ||
| Life, in a lot of ways, is like a surfer riding a wave. | ||
| Because if you watch a surfer riding a wave, it's very rarely flat and perfect. | ||
| It's always these wobbles and corrections. | ||
| It's like staying on balance, but it's not this smooth, straight escalator path. | ||
| There's a lot of shit going on. | ||
| That's your life. | ||
| Your life is like riding a thing that's constantly changing and moving, along with your... | ||
| The way you feel, your moods, your life situation, how work's going, how your life is going, how your friendships are going. | ||
| They change and shift. | ||
| Things move. | ||
| They move with the directions that you go, whether or not you exercise discipline with your body and your mind and whatever you're trying to do for a living, whether or not you really get after it, where you get satisfaction out of that. | ||
| It's always moving, man. | ||
| You know, people want, for some reason, they want this feeling of steadiness. | ||
| They want everything to be sort of locked in and steady, and I'm just like, you know, this is where I'm at, and this is where I'm going, I got it all right. | ||
| But that's not life. | ||
| Life is a fucking wild ride. | ||
| People want to feel safe. | ||
| They want to feel stable. | ||
| You can't feel stable too much. | ||
| It's not good for you. | ||
| You've got to use those balancing muscles. | ||
| Yeah, you need a little chaos. | ||
| You need a little chaos. | ||
| You need some chaos. | ||
| You need also, like... | ||
| You need moments to teach you how valuable some of the stuff that you have that you really truly love is. | ||
| Like your friends, like your family, like the people that you see and you can't wait to hug. | ||
| This is what our life is about. | ||
| Our life is about these fun moments that we can share together, and you can make more of those. | ||
| The unknown. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That makes me kind of a hypocrite because I don't like surprises. | ||
| I don't want a surprise party or surprise gifts or none of that shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Fuck no. | ||
| Surprise parties. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Imagine if you had plans. | ||
| You were going to go home and you were going to tell her, I've got to leave because I've got two hours. | ||
| And you were thinking, how do I phrase this? | ||
| Because I definitely want to go see my friends. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Surprise! | |
| They're like, oh my god, I'm locked into a party. | ||
| It's happened to me a bunch of times where I have to... | ||
| Because when people force it on you, you have to choke down the fact that you're upset about it. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You have to pretend. | ||
| Because sometimes you tell people, hey, I don't want gifts or anything like that. | ||
| And in their minds, they're like, he wants a gift. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Let's just get him a gift. | ||
| He'll be fine. | ||
| It's like, no, I really don't want your fucking gifts. | ||
| I don't want a surprise party. | ||
| I mean, I'll take gifts and I'll take a party, but I need to know what's coming. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yeah, don't surprise me. | ||
| I don't like getting caught off guard, you know? | ||
| I'm not gonna be like an asshole about it and be like, everyone get the fuck out of the house! | ||
| You know, I'm gonna be at the party, but I would just know the whole time I would rather be doing something else. | ||
| Yeah, you would like to know when you're partying. | ||
| Can I get a schedule when my partying begins? | ||
| Yeah, because I don't have the energy for a surprise. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know what I mean? | |
| Like, I budget my energy for the day. | ||
| And so if I'm walking in the house at the end of the day, I'm over people. | ||
| Right, you hit E. Yeah, I can only stand people for so long, and that depends on who they are. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So, a surprise party at the end of the day? | ||
| No, that's my own personal health. | ||
| A nice way to look at it is everybody needs alone time. | ||
| It's not even that you don't stand people. | ||
| It's like you need a balance of people time and alone time. | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
| And if you oversaturate one or the other, things get weird. | ||
| You oversaturate your alone time. | ||
| You get too much alone time, not enough people time, you get a little desperate for people time. | ||
| And if you've got too much people time, not enough alone time, you get desperate for that alone time. | ||
| You get a little anxious. | ||
| My perfect scenario is... | ||
| Me all alone with the option of people. | ||
| Like, there's people up there somewhere. | ||
| And if I want to be around people, I can go up there. | ||
| But I'm completely isolated over here. | ||
| That's why people like New York City. | ||
| Why? | ||
| Aren't there people everywhere all the time? | ||
| They leave you alone if you're in your apartment. | ||
| You're in your apartment, you're alone. | ||
| You want to go outside, there's people out there. | ||
| But you're in your apartment, you're alone. | ||
| But you want to go outside, it's easy. | ||
| People everywhere. | ||
| And then you come back. | ||
| All the time. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I have friends that are very socially odd that really enjoy Manhattan. | ||
| They like that life. | ||
| That might be for me. | ||
| I haven't been there before. | ||
| I need to be alone. | ||
| My dream place is like me in the middle of fucking nowhere. | ||
| Do you like the wilderness? | ||
| Okay, the true answer is yes, but all the things that come with that yes aren't true. | ||
| I would love to be in the wilderness, but I'm not an outdoorsman. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| But if I could somehow make it so I live out there and somebody drops off fucking meat just from a helicopter or something. | ||
| Like, does somebody does all the hard shit for me? | ||
| Chopped up wood. | ||
| You would be into that? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| I'm in the idea of being away from society. | ||
| So if they just came by with chopped up wood already? | ||
| Yep. | ||
| You know, and I leave. | ||
| Once every two weeks, they drop off a package of chopped up wood? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And in my fantasy, there's no money involved. | ||
| It's just like, I give them 10 chickens. | ||
| It's just like old school shit. | ||
| Where chickens are fucking currency, you know? | ||
| Hey, man, during the pandemic, we realized also that food runs out. | ||
| Remember the beginning where you can go to the grocery store, there was no meat? | ||
| And you'd be like, what the fuck, there's no meat? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Remember that? | ||
| No meat, no milk, no eggs. | ||
| No, anything good. | ||
| And, you know, for small supermarkets, at least, or people that weren't prepared. | ||
| So a lot of people started thinking about, like, growing gardens, foraging for food, hunting, fishing, like fishing licenses, hunting licenses. | ||
| I guarantee you they went up during that time. | ||
| Let's find out, did hunting licenses, did more people purchase hunting licenses during the pandemic? | ||
| I bet they did. | ||
| I bet the number went up considerably. | ||
| Because people started really thinking, like, oh my god, if there is no food, I don't know how to hunt. | ||
| I don't know how to get my own food. | ||
| Like, what do I do? | ||
| Like, tomorrow I need a meal. | ||
| Dude, I'm so dependent on society. | ||
| Like, is society existing? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Brian, I don't think that's good for any of us. | ||
| That's what I think. | ||
| I think one of the things we were talking about like where things got locked down, how weird it was. | ||
| Well, remember when the supply chain was cut off and we realized all the medicines made in China? | ||
| Like what? | ||
| And we couldn't get shipments? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Remember for like there was a long time where it was hard to get like anything that was shipped from overseas. | ||
| So you realize, oh, we don't make anything anymore. | ||
| We're not self-sufficient. | ||
| We are very much like a dude in an apartment in this country. | ||
| There's someone out there that's growing all the shit, but we're not growing anything. | ||
| If that no one out there is doing anything for you, if they're not making the cars or making the medicine or making the this or making the that, if too much stuff is made somewhere else and you're not self-sufficient, Like, the United States should be like a prepper, okay? | ||
| We should have our own generators. | ||
| We should have our own food. | ||
| We should have our own medicine. | ||
| And we should be well-armed. | ||
| We should lock this thing down like a prepper. | ||
| Fix it. | ||
| Fix it and lock it down. | ||
| See, I feel what you're saying because it's absolutely true. | ||
| Like, not having very many survival skills. | ||
| Not good. | ||
| It's not good. | ||
| But I also think that You don't have to be a survivalist. | ||
| You just have to have something to contribute. | ||
| Because if society falls, we're going to band together into tribes or whatever. | ||
| And you just got to have something to offer the tribe. | ||
| I would still be a comic. | ||
| I don't think it's that easy. | ||
| Here's why it's not that easy. | ||
| If society falls apart, let's imagine that there's a solar flare. | ||
| Again, remember, I'm a moron. | ||
| So if I get any of this stuff wrong, I'm just guessing how this would work. | ||
| If there's a solar flare that blows out the grid, Apparently that can happen. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Apparently a solar flare strong enough could kill our entire power grid. | ||
| So there's no power in the whole country. | ||
| How long does it take to get the power back on after a solar flare blows it out? | ||
| And then what if there's another one right after and another one right after? | ||
| And what if like a lot of people start starving to death? | ||
| What if within like six months the power is still not back on and you've got how many million people living in LA? Think of that crazy place. | ||
| But it wouldn't even take that long. | ||
| Right, it wouldn't take that long. | ||
| But how do those people get food? | ||
| Imagine if the power, because of that, just keeps shutting off. | ||
| It keeps going out. | ||
| Imagine if there's a storm of solar flares. | ||
| Like they have one, and then a couple weeks later there's a bigger one, and there's another one. | ||
| There's no power grid, and everyone's freaking the fuck out, and all your electronics are useless. | ||
| How long? | ||
| How long can you feed yourself? | ||
| This is not an impossible scenario. | ||
| The thing is, we look at what's possible based not on history. | ||
| We look on it on the history of our own life. | ||
| We don't accept threats as being meaningful and real that we haven't personally experienced. | ||
| That's why people are so nonchalant about war. | ||
| That's why people are so nonchalant about it. | ||
| When Tony was talking about people getting shot last night, like the people are so nonchalant that I've never seen someone getting shot. | ||
| Talk to someone who's seen someone that's gotten shot. | ||
| They're not that nonchalant about this shit. | ||
| We're not afraid of things that we haven't personally experienced. | ||
| We feel like they're not real. | ||
| And that's how I think a lot of people feel about natural disasters. | ||
| Yellowstone can go at any moment. | ||
| At any moment. | ||
| Yeah, isn't there like an ultra-volcano or some shit? | ||
| Like a super-volcano right in the middle of the country? | ||
| At any moment it could go. | ||
| I mean, it probably won't. | ||
| Bro, I think about that shit all the time. | ||
| All the things that could kill us, a rogue black hole, a fucking gamma-ray burst. | ||
| That's the scary shit. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Because a gamma-ray burst would just finish us. | ||
| Do you know what they used to think gamma-ray bursts were? | ||
| What? | ||
| They used to think they were alien wars. | ||
| Oh, yeah, that makes perfect sense. | ||
| When they first started measuring, I forget what the tool was that they used. | ||
| There was an amazing documentary that I used to love to watch, high as fuck, on gamma ray bursts, on hypernovas, on gamma ray bursts. | ||
| And that these hypernovas would, when they exploded, they would just wipe out whole solar systems. | ||
|
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Boom! | |
| Everything gets wiped out. | ||
| And so we were observing, not we, obviously, scientists, were observing for the first time that they could measure these bursts happening in the sky, and they were happening all the time because the universe is so fucking big. | ||
| And so they're like, oh my god, there's a war going on. | ||
| They thought there was a war going on in space. | ||
| Well, it's terrifying. | ||
| It would have to be aimed at us? | ||
| Yes, but it could be. | ||
| The chances are small, but it's so big that rare things happen all the time. | ||
| Well, we know that a lot of those chances are small shit has already happened here before. | ||
| You know, when they figured out that this giant chunk of rock and steel and iron, or iron rather, and dirt that slammed into the Yucatan that killed the dinosaurs, once they figured that out, man, and they realized like, oh, wow, this could happen. | ||
| This could happen at any time, and there's not shit you could do about it. | ||
| And it's happened like four other times, right? | ||
| Many times. | ||
| We don't even know how many times. | ||
| We don't know. | ||
| Yeah, we can't. | ||
| We really don't know. | ||
| They think the most recent ones were probably around 12,000 years ago. | ||
| They think that's the end of the Ice Age. | ||
| It's called the Younger Dryas Impact Theory. | ||
| Well, the theory is, and the proponents of this theory are this guy Randall Carlson, he's one of the big ones, and Graham Hancock, and a few other guys that are just obsessed with the timelines of historical, like the historical timelines of civilization. | ||
| And was there civilization that was advanced that was knocked down to nothing that had to restart up again? | ||
| And one of the things that they've concluded from a bunch of different factors, a lot of them like soil samples, like they do a core sample of the earth, and they find out like at different levels what the temperature was, and at a certain depth, which indicates somewhere around, I think it was like 11,000 years, they find a lot of this nuclear glass stuff. | ||
| And this, I think it's called tritonite, and that's from impacts from things. | ||
| So they got nailed in some crazy asteroid shower. | ||
| And it's all around the world around the same time. | ||
| And that is the end of the Ice Age. | ||
| And they think that those impacts probably wiped out a shitload of people, destroyed civilizations, might have been the end of Atlantis. | ||
| There's all this like crazy speculation about what happened back then. | ||
| You know, that maybe Atlantis was actually a real place. | ||
| Maybe society was pretty advanced, you know, for people that didn't have machines but still had stones and they had crazy structures that they had built out of stone. | ||
| Like all the shit they did in Egypt and all that kind of stuff, that was all way before that, right? | ||
| That was all way before 10,000 years ago. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, I didn't think about that. | ||
| Well, not that stuff. | ||
| The stuff in Gobekli Tepe was way before that. | ||
| That was like 2,000 years earlier. | ||
| The Egypt stuff, they don't really... | ||
| The pyramids are only like 2,500 BC or something like that. | ||
| That's not even that long ago in comparison to some of this other stuff. | ||
| Their thought is that there was some advanced civilization and that 11,000 years ago it got almost wiped out and then they rebuilt. | ||
| So all the stuff that we recognize as being like the first civilizations, or maybe they weren't. | ||
| Maybe they were first civilizations after this great reset that happened from getting smashed by rocks from the sky. | ||
| It's fascinating shit. | ||
| Randall Carson does an amazing job of describing it. | ||
| We're gonna destroy ourselves. | ||
| Or something's gonna destroy us. | ||
| Yeah, we're not gonna last, man. | ||
| It just seems there's so many things that want to kill us, there's so many chances, and then we're killing ourselves at the same time. | ||
| Well, and then we have different countries that are competing for dominance. | ||
| Like, if that doesn't freak you out, when you watch countries compete for dominance, that never ends well. | ||
| Like, when does that end well? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It doesn't end well, man. | ||
| But that's what we need, though. | ||
| I want us to colonize. | ||
| I want Elon to colonize Mars so we have an enemy. | ||
| Because that's the only time we accomplish it is when there's a rival. | ||
| That's when we're at our best. | ||
| What if Mars would make the perfect world over there and some guru takes over and decides that we really have to destroy Earth? | ||
| Because it's like we're going to destroy Earth and we have a chance to repopulate it again in a hundred years. | ||
| We're going to just kill everybody that lives there and try it all over again and terraform with less people. | ||
| But Mars people. | ||
| Because Mars people are superior. | ||
| And there's an Earth-Mars war? | ||
| Yeah, Earth-Mars war. | ||
| What side am I on? | ||
| You're on Mars. | ||
| I know you are. | ||
| Oh, no, no, no. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| I'm more Earth-side. | ||
| Fuck out of here. | ||
| I mean, well, I guess it depends on... | ||
| I'm not above being a planet trader or whatever. | ||
| That's probably what would happen. | ||
| There would probably be a revolt and Mars would not want to be a part of Earth anymore. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| They'd want to be their own colony. | ||
| Well, first of all, they would be... | ||
| I don't know if you ever watched that show, The Expanse. | ||
| I watched a few episodes of the first season. | ||
| It's my favorite... | ||
| It's a sci-fi world. | ||
| It's very well done. | ||
| Yeah, it's well done. | ||
| And it's kind of like that where the... | ||
| Because there's also the belt. | ||
| There's Mars, Earth, and the Belters. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And basically, it got to the point where we had to send oxygen to these places. | ||
| So Mars was colonized first and then the belt. | ||
| And we... | ||
| At the time of the show, we're not at war with Mars, but they separated from Earth because we did the same thing to them that we're doing to the Belters. | ||
| Because they needed us to send them air. | ||
| So when the workers went on strike, we just cut off the air. | ||
|
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|
Oh, Jesus. | |
| It's that kind of shit. | ||
| Because we needed them to send us back precious gems and shit from the belt. | ||
| And whenever they went on strike, we were just like, okay, we can't send air out there. | ||
| And so once they figured out a way to make their own era, they got to the point where that shit was fully developed on Mars, they were like, fuck Earth. | ||
| So they're our rivals in the system, and then the Belters are like terrorists. | ||
| Well, I need to get deeper into the show then. | ||
| Oh, it's great. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| I think I've watched two episodes. | ||
| I liked it a lot though. | ||
| It's very unique. | ||
| It's really well done. | ||
| And it's also very plausible. | ||
| Like if what you laid out, like if Mars really did become its own functioning planet, if they really did have their own air, they really did have their own civilization, like why would they listen to us? | ||
| Once they weren't dependent on us anymore. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It also matters, because you know how it's going to end up happening. | ||
| Somebody's going to settle on Mars, and then Mars is going to get that point to where they're self-sufficient. | ||
| And so then it's like, who runs Mars? | ||
| Was it the person that paid for the trip? | ||
| Who doesn't even live on the planet and can't enforce any of their authority? | ||
| Right. | ||
| So is it their shit? | ||
| Is it the people that settled the shit? | ||
|
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|
Right. | |
| You know, it's like, who does that shit belong to? | ||
| And so eventually, there's going to have to be a rebellion. | ||
| It's like the same thing would happen between the United States and England, right? | ||
| They sent us over here to be a colony, and then after a while, it was like, we ain't even connected to y'all. | ||
| We're not giving you a fucking money. | ||
| It's like, it's going to happen, because they need Earth for support at first. | ||
| Imagine if Mars is the new America, but they do it right. | ||
| Like, they just rebel. | ||
| They rebel from all the bullshit and corruption. | ||
| They go, okay, we have to figure out how to do this money thing without the fucking stock market. | ||
| Like, what are you assholes doing? | ||
| Manipulating these numbers and moving shit around and buying and selling, and this is what the economy's based on? | ||
| This is madness. | ||
| It's totally unstable. | ||
| It's based on confidence in a lot of ways. | ||
| Like, whether or not things are... | ||
| I'm really high on this! | ||
| And oh, buying and selling and... | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| No more of that shit. | ||
| You're like, well, fuck you, Jorgen. | ||
| You don't know shit about economics. | ||
| You would be correct. | ||
| I don't. | ||
| I don't know shit about economics. | ||
| Because it's way too complicated. | ||
| I think if they were going to re-engineer society, they would try some Bitcoin-type model. | ||
| Where it was like, no one can control it. | ||
| There's only a certain amount of it. | ||
| This is like, everybody gets to figure out... | ||
| You have way more faith in humanity than me. | ||
| I think the problem is that we're just... | ||
| We're inherently shitty and selfish. | ||
| Right, but we made America because we didn't like England. | ||
| America's better than England. | ||
| Sorry, England. | ||
| Well, even they have to admit that. | ||
| Sorry. | ||
| But in terms of the impact on the culture, there's never been a country like America. | ||
| This is not dismissing amazing works out of Ireland and England and China and Japan and All over the world has been great shit that's been done. | ||
| Don't get me wrong. | ||
| But the amount of culture influence that human beings have had in this one weird experiment Yeah, everyone knows American culture. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Everyone watches it. | ||
| That's why British, like, you ever talk to British people and they... | ||
| A British person never asks me to repeat myself. | ||
| They understand me clearly the first time, every time. | ||
| And sometimes I gotta turn on subtitles when there's British people on TV. Because they grow up on our shit. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And to us, they're like a delicacy. | ||
| Just like, I encounter British shit every now and then. | ||
| Bro, have you ever talked to people in Dublin? | ||
| Ireland? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh yeah. | ||
| When Irish people get drunk, it is the most hilarious form of English. | ||
| Let me tell you something even crazier is Belfast, Northern Ireland. | ||
| I talked to a guy in a bar. | ||
| We were both hammered. | ||
| In Northern Ireland, when I went over there for the UFC, I might have understood three or four words he said. | ||
| I talked to him for well over an hour. | ||
| He's like, I'll fight any man. | ||
| I'll fight any man. | ||
| He just kept saying, I'll fight any man. | ||
| And I believed him. | ||
| He was so crazy and just hammered. | ||
| Why was he saying that to you? | ||
| Because I worked for the UFC. I was over there for the UFC. He's like, fucking chocolate, whoever it is, I'll fight any man. | ||
| He was so convinced, too. | ||
| Convinced, I'll fight any man. | ||
| I go, okay, man. | ||
| You'll fight any man. | ||
| You know, we were both bombed. | ||
| I'll fight any man. | ||
| Somebody gonna whoop his ass one day, because anybody doing that can't really fight. | ||
| Yeah, well, or maybe it was just like, I don't know, maybe I caught him on a bad night. | ||
| I didn't fight to anyone. | ||
| Was he drunk? | ||
| Oh, fuck yeah, we were hammered. | ||
| We were both really drunk. | ||
| Yeah, they make you drink over there. | ||
| If you don't drink over there, they're gonna have a problem with you. | ||
| Yeah, they don't trust you. | ||
| It's like eating with Italian people. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| What do you mean you're not hungry? | ||
| You don't eat. | ||
| You don't have cheese? | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| No cheese at all? | ||
| Your whole life? | ||
| No cheese? | ||
| Not even a little bit? | ||
| Can you go to a doctor for that? | ||
| There's a... | ||
| There's a thing that people can take if they have a cheese problem, by the way. | ||
| It's like a lactate. | ||
| Yeah, I have a cheese problem. | ||
| Do you? | ||
| And that shit doesn't always work. | ||
| Lactate doesn't work? | ||
| Not always. | ||
|
unidentified
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No? | |
| I feel like it's just inconsistent. | ||
| Have you ever tried raw cheese? | ||
| Raw milk cheese? | ||
| No, I don't think so. | ||
| I'd be interested to see if it affects you the same way. | ||
| Yeah, I'll be the guinea pig. | ||
| How bad does the cheese get you, though? | ||
| Man, it used to be not that big of a deal, but now it's like, it's a problem. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, like, if I decide to eat cheese, like, some shit is worth it. | ||
| Like, if you tell me, hey, Brian, like, this is the best fucking pizza on the planet. | ||
| You have to have a slice of this. | ||
| You take the hit. | ||
| I'm gonna do it, but that's gonna be, it's gonna be 72 hours of being like, I shouldn't have ate that fucking cheese. | ||
| How crazy is that we're willing to sell out our future health for the next day for a delicious slice of pizza? | ||
| Think how crazy that is. | ||
| It's dumb as shit. | ||
| Human beings and our impulses, you're gonna sell out your good feelings for the next 24 hours to whatever for a piece of pizza. | ||
| It's a lack of discipline. | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
| But it's also, it's so good. | ||
| Like there's something about, if your whole life could be what it feels like when you're really hungry and you bite into a delicious slice of pizza for the first time, if that was your whole, that feeling, That's an amazing feeling. | ||
| You can't dismiss that feeling. | ||
| In the moment, you can't resist. | ||
| You can't resist. | ||
| You just gotta take the bites. | ||
| You gotta take the bites. | ||
| Oh, fuck. | ||
| Not any slice of pizza would do. | ||
| I wouldn't make that sacrifice for some DiGiorno's. | ||
| Right, some bullshit pizza. | ||
| But yeah, if you tell me it's a pizza place here that somebody recommended to me earlier, and I was like, I might risk it all. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| There was a pizza place that I used to go to. | ||
| I think it was in Yonkers. | ||
| It was either in Yonkers or New Rochelle. | ||
| I'm trying to remember. | ||
| But my friend John Tobin had taken me to this pizza place. | ||
| And it was just a small little hole in the wall. | ||
| Maybe they had four or five booths. | ||
| And the pizza was insane. | ||
| It was this pizza with garlic and sausage and cheese. | ||
| It was like a... | ||
| Just didn't make sense how good it tasted. | ||
| It was so good. | ||
| Oh, and hot red peppers was on it, too. | ||
| It was insanity. | ||
| It was so good. | ||
| But it was this weird hole-in-the-wall place. | ||
| Do you know Steve Simone? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| Bro, so right when the pandemic... | ||
|
unidentified
|
I love Steve. | |
| Right after we started getting vaccinated, right when everybody started going on the road, I ended up in Philly. | ||
| And Simone was at the other club and Brad Williams was at another club. | ||
| And we all decided to meet up the next day and get lunch or whatever, right? | ||
| And Simone, he knows people. | ||
| I don't know if he's from there or maybe he was there with Ernst. | ||
| But somehow he got connected with, we ended up going to like a secret pizza place. | ||
| Like, I think it's called Ionelli's Bakery or something. | ||
| Secret pizza place. | ||
| Yeah, where it was like, you go in here, it doesn't look like an open business. | ||
| Like, it doesn't look like you would get good pizza here. | ||
| But we go in there, and they're only open 15 days a year. | ||
| That's what he said. | ||
| They open 15 days a year. | ||
| They sell out as soon as they open. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| And so the guy comes and makes us, he brings us pizza, and this place of pizza, it was cold. | ||
| And there was no meat on it. | ||
| It was just tomato. | ||
| And he was like, try it the way I gave it. | ||
| If you want it hot, fucking fine. | ||
| But try it the way I gave it to you. | ||
| It was the best slice of pizza I've ever had. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| It was incredible. | ||
| What was it like? | ||
| So it's just a piece of no cheese. | ||
| There's no cheese. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Just the bread and the tomatoes? | ||
| I think it's called tomato pie. | ||
| Really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And it was thick. | ||
| It was like a thick layer of the tomato because it was almost like tomato... | ||
| Jelly or I don't even I can't even describe it, but it was incredible. | ||
| It tasted amazing Wow, I like well I guess the cold would keep it connected to the bread better, right? | ||
| Or something. | ||
| I don't know the secret to it. | ||
| I don't know what it was, but I'm not the only one. | ||
| Everyone was like, we all looked at each other like, what the fuck? | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| Yeah, it was great. | ||
| So it's a pizza artist. | ||
| He's some kind of, yeah, some kind of pizza guru. | ||
| I mean, imagine owning a pizzeria that you only got to open for 15 days. | ||
| That's a good move, though, right? | ||
| If you want to be a legend, you know? | ||
| You stay closed for most of the year. | ||
| Yeah, it's like that sushi place. | ||
| Hey, Mikey, where's the fucking pizza? | ||
| Not till February, Mick. | ||
| Not till February. | ||
| That Austin sushi place? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Sushi bar ATX? That place, we serve 10 people. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's what we're doing. | ||
| We serve 10 people and no more. | ||
| It gives it exclusivity. | ||
| They have a 25,000 person waiting list. | ||
| I see why. | ||
| It's incredible. | ||
| It was incredible, man. | ||
| A lot of shit don't live up to the hype. | ||
| That lives up to the hype. | ||
| Yeah, for sure. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| And I love an expert, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| Yeah, I'm fascinated with people that have dedicated their lives to just anything. | ||
| I watch a motherfucker lay bricks. | ||
| Me too. | ||
| Anybody that's like, they're that good, I don't even have to understand it. | ||
| But watching people do things at the highest level, that shit's amazing to me. | ||
| So going to them and watching these people obsess with sushi, like the way we are with comedy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh yeah, I'm gonna try that shit, of course. | ||
| Incredible stuff too, right? | ||
| So creative. | ||
| At the end, you get to do extra bites, and it's basically like you can choose to do some shit you already did, or you can let the chefs choose for you, and they basically get to open mic their sushi ideas. | ||
| And I'm like, yeah, experiment on me, motherfucker! | ||
| And them Extra Bites was better than the other shit. | ||
| Well, and their experiments are always going to be awesome. | ||
| They know what the fuck they do. | ||
| There's an art to that, man. | ||
| Yeah, to know something's going to taste good, to have the palate and the sense of smell, it's all in there. | ||
| Did you ever see that documentary, Jiro Dreams of Sushi? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| That's amazing, right? | ||
| Yeah, motherfucker opened up in the subway. | ||
| In the subway. | ||
| The best sushi spot around. | ||
| It was in the subway. | ||
| I don't know if that's good anymore, though. | ||
| Somebody sent me a review of that place that someone that I like went there and said it was the worst place. | ||
| I forget who it was. | ||
| They said it was like the worst sushi they ever had. | ||
| Was it Andrew Schultz? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| It was. | ||
| Was it? | ||
| I was just about to say, I was going to start looking for him saying it. | ||
| It might have been. | ||
| I think it was Andrew. | ||
|
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|
Yeah, but the dude's 90 or something, right? | |
| I mean, first of all, imagine you're this dude who is Schultz? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Imagine you're this dude who lives by this samurai-like discipline where every day you just make the perfect pieces of sushi. | ||
| And you're not doing it because you want to get famous. | ||
| You're doing it because you are... | ||
| Completely connected to the discipline of doing one thing over and over. | ||
| And there's a word for it. | ||
| Is it kaizen? | ||
| The Japanese word? | ||
| There's a word for doing one thing over and over. | ||
| Andrew Schultz. | ||
| Apparently Jiro dreams of wasabi. | ||
| Wasabi so potent that it makes his food inedible. | ||
| I almost threw up two pieces in. | ||
| The other 17 pieces I consumed were crippling paranoia. | ||
| Oh, with crippling paranoia of that nasal cavity clearing green paste. | ||
| I would put the sushi in my mouth, then hide in my gums like a razor blade in prison. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| The whole meal took 24 minutes. | ||
| It cost $1,000 for the two of us. | ||
| It was the worst sushi we've had in Japan. | ||
| I will say this. | ||
| Jiro and his son had immaculate hands. | ||
| They were the only parts of their body that didn't age. | ||
| Also, the tamago and the mackerel were exceptional. | ||
| Besides that, I do not recommend. | ||
| I did it so you don't have to. | ||
| Look at him. | ||
| When was that? | ||
| Pretty recently. | ||
| 2019, August. | ||
| See, here's my take on that. | ||
| He's probably correct, but my take is, imagine being that guy and all of a sudden you're famous. | ||
| Imagine the hordes of people that must have come to that place after that movie came out. | ||
| Because it's a really popular movie. | ||
| He's like the Kurt Cobain of Sushi. | ||
| Yeah, I bet. | ||
| It's like, no, I don't want it. | ||
| Well, I really didn't want it. | ||
| At least Kurt Cobain was getting on stage on MTV. Like, Kurt, what did you think was going to happen? | ||
| You're going to get famous, right? | ||
| You're singing amazing songs. | ||
| But he didn't ask to get famous. | ||
| He was making sushi. | ||
| So when they decided to do a documentary on this guy, do you think he had any fucking idea what kind of an impact that documentary was going to have on him? | ||
| So it probably affected how he made sushi. | ||
| It probably affected everything. | ||
| He's probably like, fuck, I'd just lather that shit on. | ||
| And he's also probably, too, like, you know how sometimes you encounter those families where it's like... | ||
| Or it's like a family business and it's like, it's time for dad to retire but everyone's afraid to push him out. | ||
| Oh, maybe. | ||
| So it's like, he's probably done. | ||
| He's like 90, 90 fat. | ||
| Or, here's another possibility. | ||
| Andrew Schultz being a little bitch and can't handle his wasabi. | ||
| Well, some people... | ||
| Because I like wasabi. | ||
| Some people have a real strong reaction to it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I like it. | |
| It's one of those things you either love or fucking hate. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I love it. | |
| But I don't see how that ruined the whole meal. | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| Maybe he's just being funny. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But maybe that was his experience. | ||
| I mean, if he would go to Sushi Bar ATX and have a negative review, then I would have, like, serious suspicions. | ||
| Well, because I've had that. | ||
| I haven't had the hero shit. | ||
| And it could just be hype, you know, for all the fuck I know. | ||
| It might not be hype. | ||
| It might be, like, that there's different styles of sushi, too. | ||
| Like, and that some people like it a certain way. | ||
| And, you know, like, if you go to... | ||
| There's... | ||
| You know, you have Thai food in Thailand. | ||
| That shit has a lot of kick to it, man. | ||
| You know, it's really super-duper spicy. | ||
| That's how they like to do it. | ||
| Maybe his style of sushi is just not compatible with what we're used to in America. | ||
| I mean, I've had some sushi in Japan, but do they do it the same way? | ||
| Italian food is different in Italy, I'll tell you that. | ||
| Is it better? | ||
| It's really good, man. | ||
| I've only been to Rome, Florence, the Amalfi Coast, Ravello, and Venice. | ||
| Those are the only places I've been in Italy. | ||
| So in those places, all of them had exceptional food. | ||
| Italians know how to eat. | ||
| But it's different than American Italian food. | ||
| Very, very different. | ||
| Like American Italian food, you think about like red sauce and like a lot of cheese and lasagna and you think about like spaghetti and meatballs. | ||
| Over there you get pasta in like smaller portions. | ||
| There's a lot of fish. | ||
| It's a lot of like really delicious handmade pasta. | ||
| They have amazing steaks. | ||
| They know how to cook steaks. | ||
| They cook steaks over live oaks and shit, live palm. | ||
| See, I'm trying to go to all those steakhouses over there. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Florence is famous for their steakhouses. | ||
| Italians know how to fucking eat. | ||
| I think it's called Bissetecca di Florentine. | ||
| It's a Florentine steak. | ||
| It's a famous kind of steak that they cook in Florence because it's a super thick porterhouse steak. | ||
| It's like three inches thick, and they cook it always over live wood. | ||
| So they'll chop down trees, dry out the wood, and not live wood, but firewood. | ||
| Not coals. | ||
| Not like charcoal briquettes. | ||
| They're cooking everything over wood. | ||
| And they'll light the wood on fire, let it burn for a while, and then scrape the embers underneath the grill. | ||
| And they get all this smoke into their meat. | ||
| Are you talking like Argentine and shit? | ||
| Very similar. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| A lot of similar qualities to it, like they raise and lower the grill with those fucking things. | ||
| But over there they make this one style of steak called Steak Florentine. | ||
| This is giant fat. | ||
| I became obsessed with trying to figure out how to do it the right way because I was watching all these chefs do it. | ||
| Just pull up Steak Florentine. | ||
| Yeah, but this is the best Florentine steak. | ||
| No, I'm saying pull it up on YouTube. | ||
| Sorry. | ||
| I want to see a video of this because there's a lot of these guys cooking these things and you would think like How hard is it to cook a steak over fire? | ||
| Seems pretty easy. | ||
| But these guys have it down to a science. | ||
| And when you watch them, you realize there's an art form to cooking one simple thing. | ||
| It's the simplest thing. | ||
| It's steak over fire. | ||
| Those are the best restaurants. | ||
| And if you go somewhere where the menu is like 20 pages, that food's bullshit. | ||
| If you go there and they're like, yeah, we make three things. | ||
| That's all we make. | ||
| This guy's doing it indoors, which makes me call bullshit. | ||
| Oh, actually, he's not indoors. | ||
| I think he's laying outside. | ||
| Yeah, he's outside. | ||
| The best ones are doing it, though, in these grills where it's just logs. | ||
| They're just cooking over logs. | ||
| And this is how they've done it there for who knows how many hundreds of years. | ||
| And they've really fallen in love with this one particular cut of meat. | ||
| But that's the thing you learn when you start paying attention to food. | ||
| There's a bunch of artists out there, man. | ||
| Even in something as simple as sushi. | ||
| A piece of fish on a piece of rice. | ||
| There's fucking artists. | ||
| I used to live in this high-rise in Virginia. | ||
| You know how sometimes in those high-rise buildings, the bottom floor is like a drugstore, bodega, something like that? | ||
| So there was a drugstore on one side of the building or like a convenience store, and the other side of the building was this Peruvian chicken spot. | ||
| All they made was chicken. | ||
| They didn't make nothing else. | ||
| All you could get was chicken and some weird potato-like shit. | ||
| And that's it. | ||
| They didn't give you nothing else. | ||
| And you walk in there and there was a machine about the third of the size of the wall behind you. | ||
| And it was like a giant rotisserie, and the chickens would be on these long lines, so the ones at the top would be dripping juices on the ones on the bottom. | ||
| And so you go in there, and there's like 250 chickens on this big ass wheel, and that's it. | ||
| And whatever you order, they just fucking pluck one of them bitches. | ||
| And it was the best. | ||
| Everybody I took there was like, this is the best chicken I've ever had in my life. | ||
| And this is all they do. | ||
| That's all they do. | ||
| They'll flip it different ways. | ||
| They'll give you half a chicken. | ||
| They'll give you a chicken sandwich. | ||
| But it's not fried. | ||
| It's just all rotisserie chicken and nothing else. | ||
| There was a place exactly like this in Calabasas. | ||
| It was called Chicks. | ||
| They had built their own wood-fired oven in the middle of this strip mall. | ||
| They had this building where they had a chicken restaurant in a strip mall. | ||
| It's a Starbucks now. | ||
| The place went under and they wouldn't take credit cards. | ||
| They were crazy. | ||
| They only took cash. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| Look. | ||
| See if you can find it. | ||
| Chicks, chicken, and calabasas. | ||
| They had a giant ass homemade smoker in the middle of this huge restaurant. | ||
| So they put this, they had this big contraption and they kept throwing logs in there and it's just spinning chickens. | ||
| Was it good shit? | ||
| Insane! | ||
| I love it. | ||
| They had it down to a science. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| That's the place. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| This is one of my buttons. | ||
| If you don't take, if you only take cash, you deserve to go out of business. | ||
| Yeah, Chick's Restaurant closing after 30 years. | ||
| Yeah, they couldn't keep up with credit cards. | ||
| Yeah, because I guarantee you, some old person that should have retired was still in charge and they didn't get the whole credit card. | ||
| Listen to me right now, Brian Simpson. | ||
| If that place was around right now and I found out they were going under, I would have bought them. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| I would have bought them and kept them running exactly the same way. | ||
| That's quite the fucking endorsement. | ||
| I would have been like, don't change a fucking thing. | ||
| Don't change a thing. | ||
| Don't add shit to your menu. | ||
| You guys have the most insane chicken of all time. | ||
| They had a few other kinds of sandwiches. | ||
| Everything was good. | ||
| But that chicken was off the charts. | ||
| There's something about cooking things over wood. | ||
| It just tastes better. | ||
| That's why I like those Traeger grills, like pellet grills. | ||
| That's why they're so good. | ||
| Everybody raves about those pellet grills. | ||
| Like, why are Traeger grills? | ||
| Why does it make the food so much better? | ||
| Because it's just wood and fire. | ||
| That's the only way we're supposed to cook things. | ||
| The best way to cook a piece of meat is over fire. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Nobody's disputing that. | ||
| No, you want actual logs, man. | ||
| You want little pieces of the wood. | ||
| Whatever you have, it's got to be just wood and fire. | ||
| Wood and fire makes everything taste fucking delicious. | ||
| Dude, when this is over, I'm going to get barbecue right after this. | ||
| I'm such a greedy motherfucker. | ||
| They know how to do it here. | ||
| That is something I will say about Austin is... | ||
| The success rate of me going out to try food is way higher than anywhere else I've ever been. | ||
| You can't be a bad restaurant here. | ||
| All the food is good. | ||
| And sometimes you find out the secret ingredient is like, we put gravy in our iced tea. | ||
| That's what it's like. | ||
| That's the secret. | ||
| It's gravy. | ||
| And it's like, okay, well, I wish I had known that, but goddamn, this is good. | ||
| I didn't know that... | ||
| Have you been to Gus's? | ||
| Gus's Fried Chicken? | ||
| No. | ||
| I didn't know that it was a chain. | ||
| There's apparently multiple Gus's Fried Chicken. | ||
| There's three in LA. Three in LA. It might not be the exact same, but yeah, there's... | ||
| It might be the one, but they trick you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How? | |
| Because when you go in there, it looks like an old school place. | ||
| They've figured out a way to make a chain that looks and feels like an old-school place. | ||
| Well, then they hand you an iPad out of nowhere. | ||
| Well, you go in there, it's like, you know, they have license plates on the wall and shit, like that kind of deal. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| You know, like old signs. | ||
| You're like, oh, a cool old chicken joint. | ||
| It's probably been around here for ages. | ||
| Never changed. | ||
| No, it's a chain. | ||
| But they nailed it. | ||
| The food tastes like Gus's fried chicken tastes like it's from some cool little hole in the wall. | ||
| Like a person who's dedicated to making great chicken. | ||
| It tastes like somebody suffered to make this chicken. | ||
| It tastes great. | ||
| They nailed it. | ||
| They know what the fuck they're doing. | ||
| But apparently there's a lot of them. | ||
| But isn't that... | ||
| Like, why isn't that good? | ||
| Bro, I wish I could go to all the places. | ||
| Like, so many people recommend good restaurants to me here, and every time I go, they're always good. | ||
| And I don't have time. | ||
| Like, one day, I think I'm just gonna come here. | ||
| I'm not gonna schedule no shows or nothing. | ||
| Just at a restaurant? | ||
| I'm just gonna come here and just taste all the food, man. | ||
| I love food. | ||
| I was at a party over at my friend's house for July 4th, and I was taking notes. | ||
| People would give me food notes. | ||
| You gotta go here, you gotta go to this steakhouse, you gotta go to that place. | ||
| But it's just like, people out here, they want to tell you about spots. | ||
| Like, y'all don't know about this? | ||
| There's so many good restaurants here. | ||
| But that's a big one. | ||
| I don't recommend places lightly. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Because there's no worse feeling than talking to your friends and going somewhere Because here's the thing. | ||
| The big thing about a restaurant is not just how good the food is, but the consistency. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Because if I go somewhere and have the best experience I've ever had and then I bring people and it's not the same... | ||
| I've had that happen. | ||
| That's so embarrassing. | ||
| I will never come there again. | ||
| Gus, this is a Tennessee place. | ||
| How many of them are there? | ||
| A lot. | ||
| Well, whatever the fuck they do, they nailed it. | ||
| They even nailed it where it seems like... | ||
| I tell people that I've taken there that it's a chain, they're like, what? | ||
| Oh my god, there's like a hundred of them. | ||
| They got one in LA. Show us the relevant ones, though. | ||
| Where's the ones here? | ||
| Who gives a shit? | ||
| Yeah, is there in... | ||
| I don't see Austin. | ||
| Oh, yeah, it's right there. | ||
| Oh, it's down the bottom. | ||
| But either way, man, I'm telling you, who gives a fuck if there's another hundred of them? | ||
| The one in Austin is the shit. | ||
| Yeah, that's what I'm trying to fuck with. | ||
| That chicken's really good. | ||
| I don't know what their secret ingredient is and what their spices are, but, man, it's really good. | ||
| Yeah, it's always something disturbing. | ||
| I don't want to know. | ||
| I don't think it's disturbing. | ||
| No? | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| It's simple. | ||
| Like, they don't have a crazy thick batter. | ||
| They just nailed it. | ||
| They just figured out how to... | ||
| It's like you're just cooking a chicken. | ||
| What is the best way to cook a chicken? | ||
| What's the best temperature? | ||
| For how long? | ||
| How do you do it? | ||
| What spices do you have? | ||
| Once you figure it out, it's repeatable. | ||
| Well, you know what I'm realizing now, especially now that I'm starting to be a little more successful, and I can eat good food a lot more often, is it's the little things. | ||
| Because the other day I was here, I had one of the best burgers I've ever had. | ||
| And I was like, what's different about this burger? | ||
| Because we can buy the same shit. | ||
| But I realized it's all the little things. | ||
| Some chefs, some restaurants, they do all the little things just better than you. | ||
| They just get a little better quality this. | ||
| They're meticulous about how long shit cooks and what it's mixed with and all the little tiny things that you can just ignore and you'll still have a good burger. | ||
| But the people that do all those little tiny things, It adds up to something that's just better than your shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, it's like that sushi. | ||
| That sushi wasn't... | ||
| It's not like it was leagues above any other sushi. | ||
| It's not like they're buying different fish than somebody else can buy, but they do all that little tiny shit just to perfection, and it elevates it more than the sum of its parts or whatever the fuck. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, I completely agree. | ||
| Yeah, teaching the detail is everything. | ||
| It really is. | ||
| Yeah, I would give... | ||
| That's why I appreciate that shit. | ||
| I appreciate some good ass food. | ||
| I don't need you to describe it to me, but I like that too. | ||
| I like it when you tell me we're going to char this and it's going to release this molecule which crisps the skin. | ||
| Describe it to me right when I'm here. | ||
| I'm going to do that one of these days. | ||
| I'm going to open a restaurant where we just serve one fucking thing. | ||
| One thing. | ||
| What would it be? | ||
| You know what? | ||
| Just to be different, I would do fries. | ||
| I would do Just Fries. | ||
| I think there's a Just Fries store. | ||
| Is there? | ||
| I think there is. | ||
| Yeah, because I had some good-ass fries one time. | ||
| I forget what the fuck the guy called it. | ||
| But they were like Dutch fries or something, but he fried them twice. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ooh. | |
| Yeah, he fried them at a... | ||
| At low temperature, and then froze them. | ||
| And then when you ordered them, he fucking flash fried them at a high temperature. | ||
| And it made it like this crisp. | ||
| It was this perfect crispy shit. | ||
| And so it was a perfect texture. | ||
| And then he was real good at making sauces. | ||
| So he had like six sauces for you to pick. | ||
| And I couldn't believe it. | ||
| He was at a cart at a fair. | ||
| And I was like, I can't believe you don't have a restaurant. | ||
| This is that good. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah, but... | ||
| There's an art to everything. | ||
| Yeah, you gotta respect that. | ||
| Now, I feel bad for the people that Become experts at something that's bullshit. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| That's a scary thing in life. | ||
| I've told this story before, but there was a kid that I knew when I was... | ||
| I used to teach people how to lift weights at Boston Athletic Club. | ||
| And there was a kid that was a racquetball professional. | ||
| Became a professional at racquetball. | ||
| And by the way, there's no fucking money being a professional at racquetball. | ||
| No, sir. | ||
| So he's winning racquetball tournaments. | ||
| He wasn't making any money. | ||
| He tried to transition into tennis. | ||
| And it was hard, really hard. | ||
| I don't know if he ever made it, but I remember in the beginning he wasn't making it. | ||
| And people were really distraught, people that were a part of this Boston Athletic Club community because he was a really nice guy, and he was really popular because he was an ace professional racquetball player. | ||
| But the transition was necessary. | ||
| He wanted to try to make money, so he wanted to try to get into tennis. | ||
| But if you had just started in tennis, Maybe, you know, probably couldn't because economics, you're in Boston, it's cold for five months out of the year, but if you could, you might be an ace tennis player, and then you'd be making millions. | ||
| So any guy who's a winner, if you're a winner at something physical, like racquetball, I mean, racquetball's physical, professional racquetball, those guys are darting all over the place and diving for balls. | ||
| Why isn't that more popular, though? | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| Because there's shittier sports where you can make a bet. | ||
| I think it's hard to watch. | ||
| That's better than bowling. | ||
| That's better than darts. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| It's not better than pool. | ||
| Pool's dope. | ||
| Well, if you play pool, it's dope. | ||
| If you don't play pool, it's boring as fuck. | ||
| I love watching pool, but I play it. | ||
| Have you ever watched professional racquetball? | ||
| Or like a high-level match? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| It's very fast. | ||
| I mean, they all look the same. | ||
| They look the same as the low-level matches. | ||
| When I worked at the Boston Athletic Club in South Boston, they would have them there all the time. | ||
| They would have all these high-level matches, and they would have guys that were high-level guys practicing against each other. | ||
| It was wild to see. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Slow. | |
| Even though it's fast. | ||
| I remember watching one one time. | ||
| It was just like a lot of- because they ace everybody. | ||
| They're really good at serving. | ||
| It's like watching ping pong too. | ||
| It's really exciting. | ||
| Come on, man. | ||
| This is exciting. | ||
| What are you talking about? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| This right here is like fucking up your theory. | ||
| There's a reason why it's not on ESPN or there's people on Twitch and YouTube making highlight videos. | ||
| I think the reason, honestly, is that not a lot of people play it. | ||
| I think if a lot of people played it... | ||
| See, this is the thing that brings me back to pool. | ||
| I don't think pool is exciting for anybody, other than the people that play it. | ||
| But for the people that play it, it's awesome. | ||
| Like my friend Tommy Jr., I just sent him a video of this guy, Dennis Arcolo, who's like this Filipino killer. | ||
| He's been one of the best professional pool players for decades. | ||
| And against this guy, Shane Van Boning, who's the best American pool player. | ||
| This is crazy. | ||
| Race to 120 games. | ||
| So whoever wins 120 games first, I sent it to my friend Tommy. | ||
| It's an amazing match. | ||
| Wait a minute, wait a minute. | ||
| They're playing 120 games. | ||
| They're playing up to 250 games of pool. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Up to a possible 239 games. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| For one person to win. | ||
| Against each other. | ||
| Against each other, yeah. | ||
| A race to 120. It's gotta take like six months. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| No, no, no, no, no, no, no. | ||
| I think it took a couple days at the most. | ||
| Or maybe one. | ||
| I don't know how many days they did it. | ||
| Like on some marathon shit? | ||
| Yeah, they just... | ||
| Maybe they play for eight hours and they stop and they play for eight hours again. | ||
| If it did go two days in a row. | ||
| Or they might decide to play it all the way through. | ||
| But it was like some crazy bet. | ||
| There was a lot of money on the side. | ||
| It was like... | ||
| But the point is, me as a pool player, I found it online, and I sent it to my friend Tommy. | ||
| I'm like, dude, you gotta check this shit out. | ||
| This match is wild. | ||
| And you get to see literally the best guys in the world playing for some insane amount of money. | ||
| But to a regular person, it's probably boring as fuck. | ||
| I watch the best people. | ||
| No, no. | ||
| I mean, probably the everyday shit is boring, but I watch the best of anything. | ||
| I watch the playoffs of anything. | ||
| Yeah, even sports I'm not into. | ||
| It's the same way you watch the Olympics. | ||
| You tune in the Olympics, you'll watch motherfucking curling if you're up. | ||
| I mean, I'm not gonna set an alarm for it. | ||
| But if it's on, I'm into it. | ||
| As long as I understand the rules. | ||
| This guy, Dennis Orcolo, hit this spot where people like to call dead stroke. | ||
| It's like the best example of what dead stroke is. | ||
| What dead stroke is... | ||
| It's like you get to this point where you can't miss. | ||
| You just know that when you swing at a ball, it's going in the hole. | ||
| And this guy who is one of the best of all time, like Dennis Arculo, is like one of the top 20 greatest players ever, hits this dead stroke and he breaks and runs nine racks in a row. | ||
| So they're in this crazy, tight contest, race to 100, and then towards the home stretch, like 110 games in, Dennis Arcolo runs this wild number. | ||
| He runs like nine racks in a row. | ||
| It's crazy to watch. | ||
| I forget how many he had initially. | ||
| I think he was in the 90s and Shane Vamboni was over 100. And he ran nine... | ||
| Breaking and running nine games out is insane. | ||
| Nobody does that. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| To be that focused for that long? | ||
| Yeah, but it's an example of what you were talking about. | ||
| If someone just hits this perfect vibration where they're on point, whether it's a gymnast who's doing those triple flips and lands, boom, and sticks it, and you're like, oh! | ||
| And you see someone do something, even if you have no interest in doing it yourself, you see that there's something about when people just... | ||
| Figure something out at such a super high level that's so exciting. | ||
| A lot of people from the outside don't understand that that is not something that you just achieve and now you're there. | ||
| You've got to constantly work to be able to stay in that balance. | ||
| That's why even Tom Brady will have... | ||
| A game where he throws five interceptions. | ||
| It's so difficult to maintain that level of focus and excellence for so long without that muscle breaking down or whatever the fuck it is. | ||
| It's concentration, too. | ||
| It's enthusiasm. | ||
| There's a lot of different things. | ||
| Your outlook, how you're looking at things. | ||
| Some people can look at things with an enthusiastic outlook for longer than other people can. | ||
| Some people, their concentration breaks down. | ||
| It's like a mental endurance thing as well. | ||
| It's a lot going on. | ||
| Yeah, but that's why we love experts. | ||
| That's why we love... | ||
| Because I have this theory that people are... | ||
| People are impressed. | ||
| How impressed someone is is directly proportional to how far away from being able to do what they're seeing like they are. | ||
| The closer people think that they're able to do what they just saw you do, the less impressed they are with it. | ||
| That's why some people think they're funny. | ||
| Some people think they can do comedy because they think all we're doing is talking. | ||
| And they're like, I can talk and I'm pretty funny. | ||
| And, like, one of my favorite things used to be when I first started, used to be watching people that would come in asking to go up, like, it's their first time, but they don't respect it. | ||
| And so they think they're gonna go up their first time and just murder, you know, they got their whole family there, and then they go up on stage. | ||
| And they just have this blank look. | ||
| It just hits them. | ||
| The enormity of the moment and how it's not the same fucking thing as you being at the family reunion having everybody cracking up in the corner. | ||
| It's not the same thing. | ||
| It's not the same thing. | ||
| They're counting on people knowing who they are. | ||
| Right. | ||
| If you're funny around your friends, your friends know you. | ||
| They're comfortable around you. | ||
| They go, oh, here's Mike. | ||
| He's going to say some crazy shit. | ||
| And they don't understand the pressure either. | ||
| Because, look, you drive every day, motherfucker. | ||
| But if I put you in NASCAR, there's a difference when there's stakes, you know? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| And if you've never had that pressure on you, some people can't handle that shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That's a weird pressure, too. | ||
| The pressure of watching people. | ||
| You know who explained it to me? | ||
| Whitney Cummings. | ||
| She said, the reason why we're afraid to speak publicly is that, historically, whenever you had to stand in front of a large group of people, they were judging you. | ||
| Like you had fucked up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And the tribe was turning on you. | ||
| They were judging you, and they were stupid. | ||
| They were stupid. | ||
| That's the terrible shit, is I don't want a group of stupid-ass people judging you. | ||
| They believe they're witches. | ||
| Yeah, oh my god. | ||
| You would fool them so easily. | ||
| Fool a lot of people today. | ||
| That's why we're so scared of people being tricked by propaganda. | ||
| The reason why we're scared about it is not because it affects us. | ||
| The reason why people are scared and why proponents of censorship think they have a point is that it works on really dumb people. | ||
| That's what's scary to people. | ||
| It's like when someone is saying, hey, I don't like this conspiracy theorist. | ||
| We need to get him off the air. | ||
| They're spreading dangerous misinformation. | ||
| Is it dangerous to you? | ||
| Because it's not dangerous at all to you. | ||
| You're hearing that nonsense about a hollow earth and you're going, what the fuck are you talking about? | ||
| I don't believe in that. | ||
| I don't believe in that. | ||
| That's what I was talking about earlier. | ||
| Some people don't realize that there is no alternative. | ||
| Letting everyone say whatever they want to say is the only way that can work. | ||
| is because the moment you say, the moment you give up the power to choose what's good and what's bad to say, it's the same thing with the drugs, right? | ||
| It's like, then you're saying, okay, someone gets to decide. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| And as long as they're going to decide what you want, you're okay with it in the moment, and you're not thinking about the fact that in the future you're going to decide what you have no control over who the fuck is going to have that power. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| So the only option is to just allow, let it be the wild, wild west out here. | ||
| It's the only thing that's the most fair. | ||
| Well, that was Edward Snowden's point when it came to this whole idea that the government should be allowed to spy on us. | ||
| Because when he was working for the NSA and he found out the government literally can spy on everybody at any time, with no warrants, they can do this. | ||
| And they have this technology. | ||
| And when he exposed it, That was one of those weird moments where a lot of people... | ||
| There's a lot of people that were very short-sighted. | ||
| They're like, if you don't have anything to hide, what do you give a fuck about? | ||
| That's so crazy. | ||
| It's so crazy because the argument against that, of course, was like, first of all, that's an insane amount of power to bestow upon an elected official or someone who's appointed or someone who's just hired by a company and they have the ability... | ||
| Like Edward Snowden has the ability to just check into your emails. | ||
| That's an insane amount of power. | ||
| And I do got shit to hide. | ||
| There's a difference between, you know, it's like, you know, it's like, it's a difference between a privacy and a secret, you know? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| It's like when I'm, you know, it's like if I eat a whole bunch of refried beans and then I run into the bathroom, it's not a secret. | ||
| Right. | ||
| What I'm doing in there, but I still lock the door. | ||
| It's still none of your business. | ||
| It's none of your business. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It's like, who are these fucking people that got nothing to hide? | ||
| I don't trust those people. | ||
| But here's the thing about it. | ||
| It's not like you did anything wrong and they're checking you. | ||
| It's like everybody. | ||
| This is what Edward Snowden was saying. | ||
| There's a difference between having a warrant. | ||
| If you have a warrant, you have to go to the judge. | ||
| The judge has to say there's probable cause for you to assume that this person committed this crime. | ||
| There's a reasonable suspicion. | ||
| Okay, I grant you the ability to spy on this person. | ||
| But if they can just spy on you all the time... | ||
| That's not good because you say good because fuck those guys. | ||
| They should be spied on. | ||
| The problem is it could be a new guy that comes after them that hates your ideology and then they'll come looking for you with the same tools. | ||
| It happens every time. | ||
| It happens every time. | ||
| And that's how they lull us into it. | ||
| Here's a perfect example. | ||
| Have you heard of presidential signing statements? | ||
| No, what is that? | ||
| So it's basically like, so you know how it works. | ||
| Congress makes a bill, they send it to the president, he signs a yes or no. | ||
| But when he's signing it, he can add like a signatory note. | ||
| Basically saying, I'm signing this because I understand it to mean X. But it's a legal gray area because he's not allowed to create legislation or change it. | ||
| He can only say yes or no. | ||
| So it's his way of sort of kind of going around Congress a little bit by interpreting the bill in a way. | ||
| It's a foggy legal gray area. | ||
| And a lot of people don't like it. | ||
| A lot of people are up in arms about it, right? | ||
| And I first found out about this because my first election was Bush-Gore. | ||
| That's my first time voting. | ||
| And when Bush got elected, he was the first, like Donald Trump, where he was the evil demon devil motherfucker, right? | ||
| Everyone thought it was the end of the world. | ||
| And when he started doing signing statements to make certain shit happen, that's the first time I heard about him. | ||
| And everybody was up in arms about it, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, everyone on the left was up in arms about it. | ||
| And then right after that was Obama. | ||
| And when he did sign the statements, nobody had a problem with it. | ||
| Right? | ||
| And so then right after that was Trump. | ||
| People were fucking even more terrified about it people on the left so it's like It's one of those things where it looks like you were okay with giving the power to the president When you thought he was doing shit that you wanted you didn't think about the fact that for four years or eight years from now at the most It's gonna be another motherfucker with that same power. | ||
| Well, that's why whoever the fuck is the president It's so important that they don't act in inflammatory matter Oh, yeah, I mean... | ||
| In an inflammatory manner, because one of the things about Trump that fucked up any good things that he could have possibly done is that he created this sort of, like, fuck you attitude towards his haters that the people who loved him loved. | ||
| They loved the fact that he was like, kiss my ass, fuck you, you guys don't know what you're doing, you guys are all corrupt, we're gonna drain the swamp, we're gonna put her in jail, we're gonna do this, and everyone's like, yeah! | ||
| They had someone to say... | ||
| They had someone to attack. | ||
| But the problem with that is like anything inflammatory just adds fuel to the fire. | ||
| Whereas Obama was never like that. | ||
| He was a statesman. | ||
| He was a smooth statesman. | ||
| And he would talk about things. | ||
| You go, okay, well, this guy's got it. | ||
| He's got it. | ||
| He's handling it. | ||
| The pressure, whether I agree with him or don't agree with him... | ||
| The way he handles himself represents this is the president of the United States of America. | ||
| Let's know him talk. | ||
| That's what a president's supposed to sound like. | ||
| He's a presidential motherfucker. | ||
| When you're like, only Rosie O'Donnell. | ||
| He's like cracking jokes. | ||
| When Megyn Kelly asked him, he referred to women as pigs and this. | ||
| He's like, only Rosie O'Donnell. | ||
| Come on, man. | ||
| If I didn't live here, if I was observing America from the outside, it would be hilarious. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hilarious. | |
| Hilarious. | ||
| But not good for us. | ||
| What does this say? | ||
| It's the... | ||
| Signing statements? | ||
| How many they each did. | ||
| Wow, Obama only had 122 affected provisions, whereas Trump had 716 and Bush had 1100. Yeah, Bush went crazy with it. | ||
| They all went way higher than Obama. | ||
| Well, not really. | ||
| At the end, Obama had 96. Bush had 96. Months in office. | ||
| Months in office. | ||
| So what is the full numbers? | ||
| The This is how many laws were affected is the affected provisions by the number of times, like number of things they did affected this many laws, kind of. | ||
| And number of acts is what? | ||
| How many times they did one? | ||
| Right, so like... | ||
| So Obama's way lower than both of them. | ||
| But Trump's lower than Bush, which is kind of crazy. | ||
| He's only been in there half the time, though. | ||
| Oh, that's true. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, George Bush didn't give a fuck. | ||
| Well, I don't think George Bush was involved in much of that fucking reign. | ||
| I think that was all Dick Cheney. | ||
| No, he's a figurehead. | ||
| I think they told him, listen, go to that farm of yours and fucking just shoot shit and have a good time. | ||
| Throw some hay around. | ||
| I'm never going to call upon you. | ||
| Just be dumb. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Just be charming. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's all you got to do to rule the world. | ||
| All you got to do to be president of the United States is be charming. | ||
| You gotta be charming and appealing to somebody. | ||
| It's interesting because people like him now that he's not the president. | ||
| Because in comparison to Trump, they're like, oh man, we didn't realize we had it so good. | ||
| At least he wasn't angry. | ||
| Trump was such an anomaly, dude. | ||
| The inflammatory aspect. | ||
| The fact that he would just talk shit. | ||
| It made it fun to watch, no doubt. | ||
| But... | ||
| As a general strategy for someone who controls the nukes, it's a fucking terrible idea. | ||
| You know, when he called Kim Jong-un, Rocket Man, Little Rocket Man, and when he was, all the crazy shit that he said while he was president, Well, he has one of the most unique egos of anyone that's ever been... | ||
| Because the thing is, I don't believe Trump was our most evil president. | ||
| Who's our most evil? | ||
| Fuck, I don't know. | ||
| I really have to think about that, but my point is just, I think he was just... | ||
| He just didn't get... | ||
| He thought it was about him. | ||
| He just thought it was an opportunity for him to have prestige. | ||
| But he didn't really give a fuck about governing. | ||
| Here's what I'm worried about. | ||
| I'm worried that it's now been proven that someone with a lot of money who's outside the system can win and can actually become the president. | ||
| The worry that I have is not just that someone worse than him tries to do it again, but someone's like really truly evil. | ||
| The other worry is that the other side tries to prevent that from happening, and by doing so they justify hamstringing democracy. | ||
| Like, they decide, like, look, we can't ever let this happen again, so we need a concerted effort where we coordinate with the media, we coordinate with all of the different intelligence communities, and we figure out a way to pick Pick the people that we want to win and attack the person that we don't. | ||
| Because that's how banana republics get started, okay? | ||
| And that's how people get assassinated, and that's how people justify a lot of wild shit. | ||
| They justify because they think ultimately it's imperative for the future of our nation if this person doesn't win and our person gets in there. | ||
| And they think so, so zealously, that they're willing to do wild shit. | ||
| And that's what happens in other countries. | ||
| And we were talking before this podcast about they killed the president of Haiti yesterday. | ||
| Yeah, that's... | ||
| When you said that, I'm so disappointed in myself. | ||
| Because I just feel like as a black person, when I hear black news from a white person, like shit that I should know. | ||
| I should have known before you that the president of Haiti got assassinated. | ||
| Well, to be honest, I'm really up on assassinations. | ||
| I follow all the assassination Twitter pages and... | ||
| I'm on assassination Twitter. | ||
| There's an assassination Twitter? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I'm just guessing. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| I was about to say I'm missing out. | ||
| I just pay attention to new shit. | ||
| A squad of gunmen assassinated Haitian president. | ||
| How do you say his name? | ||
| Jovenel Moyes? | ||
| Jamie? | ||
| I'm sorry. | ||
| Wounded his wife in an overnight raid on their home on Wednesday, inflicting more chaos on the Caribbean country that was already enduring gang violence, soaring inflation, and protests of its increasingly authoritarian rule. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Prime Minister Claude Yosef. | ||
| Well, what's scary about this kind of stuff is, you know, Who knows who's going to take over now? | ||
| When someone assassinates the president, they don't want that president in there for various reasons. | ||
| So who's going to come in now? | ||
| How much worse is it going to be for the Haitian people? | ||
| What kind of person is going to try to take over now? | ||
| I feel like it's been pretty bad for Haitian people for a while. | ||
| I don't know if it's ever been good. | ||
| I was telling you earlier, that's the only slave rebellion in history that worked. | ||
| It says, Bochit Edmond, the Haitian ambassador to the United States, said the attack on the 53-year-old Moise, I'm not saying his, I don't know if I'm saying his name right, Moise, M-O-I-S-E, was carried out by foreign mercenaries and professional killers, well orchestrated, and that they were masquerading as agents of the U.S. Drug Enforcement Administration. | ||
| The DEA has an office in the Haitian capital to assist the government in counter-narcotics programs, according to the U.S. Embassy. | ||
| Well, if drugs were legal over there, they wouldn't have had this. | ||
| No, that's not true. | ||
| Bro, they've been whacking people like this for a long time. | ||
| But see, I be on some Game of Thrones shit. | ||
| Like, I don't even trust this motherfucker. | ||
| I'm like, maybe he has something to do with it. | ||
| You know? | ||
| So true. | ||
| You never know. | ||
| It's so hard to know. | ||
| By the time the news gets to someone like you or me, who the fuck knows? | ||
| Yeah, it's the steal. | ||
| Who knows? | ||
| Because that's what's so funny to me is I feel like we're the same as China. | ||
| It's just that we're all convinced... | ||
| We're all convinced that we're not being controlled, but they just have a different method of doing it. | ||
| Over there, the government would straight up just be like, yeah, we're spying on you. | ||
| And over here, they're still spying on you. | ||
| You're just convinced that they aren't or that it's not so bad. | ||
| But it's the same outcome. | ||
| They know everything you're doing and every move you make. | ||
| We just feel free. | ||
| Like the shit you brought up about Edward Snowden, right? | ||
| You would expect that kind of information to make people rebel. | ||
| Some people rebelled. | ||
| Some people were furious. | ||
| Well, I heard Julian Assange... | ||
| He had a quote that was like, I don't know the exact shit. | ||
| But the sentiment was just... | ||
| That all people really care about is their sense of freedom, not their actual freedoms. | ||
| So you can tell a bunch of motherfuckers, the government is spiraling, you're collecting all your messages, listening to all your phone calls, all your purchases, everything. | ||
| But you feel free. | ||
| And people don't give a fuck because you feel free. | ||
| More people gave a fuck about having to wear a mask. | ||
| Then the government's spying on them because that makes you feel less free. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| And we're lazy like that. | ||
| And the thing about the government having that power, it's actually bad for them. | ||
| Because it's too much responsibility, because you have to lie about it, first of all, because you're not supposed to have that kind of power. | ||
| You're not supposed to be able to just spy on people randomly. | ||
| Because at the end of the day, the government is comprised of people, and we're people. | ||
| So it's just people spying on people, and you're doing it through initials. | ||
| Oh, we're the FBI and the NSA and the DEA and the blah, blah, blah. | ||
| You're just people spying on people. | ||
| Reinforcing laws that were written down on paper by who the fuck knows who. | ||
| And who the fuck knows if those laws are valid in 2021 anymore with all the technology we have today, with the abilities to do things today are so much greater than what these laws were established about like in the 1970s or 1960s and even then. | ||
| Yeah, I'm on some George Carlin shit. | ||
| Your freedom is an illusion. | ||
| The only thing that exists is comfort and violence. | ||
| You have comforts, and you either have the ability to use violence to maintain it or not. | ||
| But that's really all it is. | ||
| You can create this utopia with all these rules, but if you can't enforce the rules, it doesn't fucking matter. | ||
| So violence will always be a part of the world. | ||
| Authoritarianism? | ||
| If it just comes to violence, honestly, in this country, I'm almost less concerned. | ||
| Because if it comes to violence in this country, I just... | ||
| I can't imagine how the government is legitimately going to take over when a lot of the people that are actually in the military... | ||
| Would have to turn on the people they grew up with. | ||
| They would have to turn on the people that they love in their communities because the government tells them to. | ||
| At the end of the day, the people that protect us, it's the military. | ||
| The government is the people that direct the military. | ||
| But there's a push comes to shove there. | ||
| You're never really going to take over this country in a military way. | ||
| Because the military are the people that will not want you to do that. | ||
| They wouldn't trust these Weasley politicians that would try to do that. | ||
| Yeah, I think at the end of the day more people would challenge who... | ||
| They'd be more attached to who is in charge of them than who's president or who's in the government. | ||
| That would be hard to do. | ||
| It'd be really hard to get the government... | ||
| To control the military to the point where the military turns on regular people. | ||
| Really hard. | ||
| Because they're not... | ||
| The idea is like that the elites are going to control the world. | ||
| But the elites are not the military. | ||
| They're elite human beings. | ||
| They're elite soldiers. | ||
| But they're not elites in terms of like the 1% of the world. | ||
| They're regular folks for the most part. | ||
| So getting regular folks to turn on regular folks because the elites tell them to, that's one of those weird, like, how do you do this things? | ||
| So the way to control populations is through propaganda and re-education of their youth, turning people on each other. | ||
| Like if you really wanted to fuck up a future community, you would distribute propaganda to their children, teach their children to feel bad about themselves and that this country and this society is a mistake and a disaster and the worst thing to ever happen. | ||
| And we need to burn it down. | ||
| If you taught that to kids over and over and over again, those kids grow up. | ||
| Well, you have a real shot at fucking things up because you can ruin all of the structures that have kept societies together. | ||
| And then if you accompany that, if you accompany that with things like defund the police. | ||
| Oh, and we're not going to prosecute anybody for anything less than nine hundred fifty bucks. | ||
| Oh, well, that depends. | ||
| Now you got to open looting. | ||
| Yeah, you got to open looting. | ||
| You got chaos. | ||
| You got cops scared to arrest people. | ||
| You got animated crime rates. | ||
| I don't want to defund the police, but except for the police that are like overfunded, like motherfuckers got tanks and helicopters, like extra helicopters. | ||
| They don't need that for regular people, but if there's some sort of crazy invasion of like a drug cartel makes their way into Los Angeles with tanks, like no bullshit, what do we do? | ||
| Who goes after him? | ||
| Do we send him the military? | ||
| The National Guard? | ||
| Oh yeah. | ||
| There should be something for crazy things. | ||
| Do you remember the North Hollywood shootout? | ||
| I was in LA at the time. | ||
| I was working on news radio, and these crazy motherfuckers, high on drugs and filled with steroids, put on armor, and they had military weapons. | ||
| And they went after these cops and killed a bunch of people and robbed banks. | ||
| It was wild shit, man. | ||
| Yeah, that's what brought on the SWAT team. | ||
| They had this crazy shootout in the middle of the street. | ||
| Like a movie. | ||
| Like that movie Heat. | ||
| But the cops were severely underarmed. | ||
| But don't you get to a point where... | ||
| Have you heard the result that once you pass a certain amount of money a year, it was like $80,000 when I first heard it, but it might be more than that now. | ||
| Once you pass a certain amount of money, more money doesn't make you happier. | ||
| To me, I draw a parallel to this where once you pass a certain level of policing, it doesn't make it safer. | ||
| It doesn't decrease crime once you go past a certain level. | ||
| You know what it's like? | ||
| It's like trying to only use Band-Aids. | ||
| No matter what happens, whether you got cuts, whether you got a bullet hole, you need stitches, only Band-Aids. | ||
| Maybe you need antibiotic ointment. | ||
| Maybe you need some sort of disinfectant. | ||
| Maybe you need stitches or staples. | ||
| But you only have Band-Aids. | ||
| So you use Band-Aids for everything. | ||
| Like cops, they only show up when everything's all fucked up. | ||
| That's an excellent analogy. | ||
| And that's what I think. | ||
| I think that... | ||
| Look, don't get me wrong. | ||
| There are crazy, stupid people that latch on to the end of every legitimate movement. | ||
| But I think the intelligent people involved, that's what they mean when they say defund the police. | ||
| They're talking about, okay, let's just take the money we spend on these extra band-aids that we don't fucking need and let's put that towards antibiotics or prevention or something like that. | ||
| I understand that thought but here's my perspective is that the amount of money that is spent on police should it should represent not just like you have to fund the police but like how much money does it cost if there's a lot of crime? | ||
| How much money does it cost if people get assaulted? | ||
| Like how much money does it cost where people have to put in extra security measures because they're nervous? | ||
| What they need to do is train people better. | ||
| And what they need to do is make sure they hire only high-quality people. | ||
| It should be hard to get in. | ||
| But are there enough high-quality people to fill all the positions that need? | ||
| That's the question. | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| Has our society deteriorated to the point where there's not enough high-quality people to have that extreme responsibility? | ||
| The thing about being a cop is it's a crazy responsibility. | ||
| It's a lot of power. | ||
| You're allowed to carry a gun. | ||
| It's like, that's why I think we headed for some Judge Dredd shit. | ||
| We could. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Look, all those utopian movies, man, the reason why they resonated, because we all secretly knew in the back of our head, at least we thought about it, that if everything went completely sideways, this is what could happen. | ||
| Whether it's The Terminator, or whether it's Judge Dredd, or whatever the fuck it is. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Yeah, I think it's gonna be more Judge Dredd shit, where... | ||
| Because you're going to have to find that one motherfucker out of a thousand. | ||
| Well, that's what a lot of these people think, like Jeff Bezos and Bill Gates and Mark Zuckerberg. | ||
| But that's what they're trying to do. | ||
| They're trying to be that guy. | ||
| I don't trust Jeff Bezos. | ||
| Because I feel like the people at their level of wealth, that's a whole different thing. | ||
| Because that's more than people that want to achieve. | ||
| That's people that want to dominate. | ||
| They're like Genghis Khan. | ||
| They're like... | ||
| They just want everything to belong to them. | ||
| Do you think that's the same mindset, whether it applies to war, whether it applies to Michael Jordan in basketball, or someone like Jeff Bezos in business, where there's these conquerors, and they could have existed 5,000 years ago, they'd be on a horse chopping people's heads off, but instead they're running Amazon. | ||
| Yeah, for sure. | ||
| It's a power thing, right? | ||
| Oh my God! | ||
| Jesus Christ! | ||
| Jeff Bezos' net worth jumps to $211 billion, making him the richest person ever. | ||
| Wait, is he the richest person ever? | ||
| Ever, ever. | ||
| More than Massa Musa? | ||
| No, here's the thing. | ||
| He's the richest person ever that's a public person. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| Someone explained this to me. | ||
| Someone explained this to me that knows. | ||
| And they said, you have to understand what oil families have. | ||
| Oil families have trillions of dollars. | ||
| They have an impossible amount of wealth. | ||
| You can't even fathom the wealth they have. | ||
| But they don't have to tell you about it. | ||
| They're smart. | ||
| They own countries. | ||
| That's why the Saudi prince can have a motherfucker chopped up, put in a briefcase. | ||
| In another country and not have it be a problem. | ||
| It's barely a problem. | ||
| I mean, there's a little documentary about it, whatever, whatever. | ||
| Because if you're a billionaire, most of the laws don't even apply to you. | ||
| Most of the rules don't apply to you anywhere you are. | ||
| Think about it. | ||
| When you get a certain amount of money, you don't even need a passport. | ||
| You don't? | ||
| Fuck no! | ||
| Do you think this is true? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What are you talking about? | |
| We only have $100 billion that says... | ||
| This is just Googling. | ||
| Put that propaganda away. | ||
| You know how much money those people have? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's basically we're barely getting by. | |
| So sorry, America. | ||
| Another one that says $1.4 trillion. | ||
| Yeah, maybe that's low. | ||
| It's probably higher than that. | ||
| It's a preposterous amount of wealth. | ||
| They probably killed the motherfucker that made it $100 billion. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What did you say? | ||
| Yeah, fuck you, bro. | ||
| Listen, it's our dependence upon foreign oil. | ||
| And it's not, you know, everybody thinks it's just oil is in the form of gas. | ||
| There's so many things we make with oil. | ||
| There's so many things that we make with petroleum. | ||
| And they're not just fucking up our air. | ||
| They're also fucking up our reproductive systems. | ||
| They're infecting the... | ||
| Literally, these phthalates are getting into people's bodies. | ||
| Who are you talking about when you say they? | ||
| There's a thing called phthalates. | ||
| Phthalates, it's P-T-H-A-L-A-T-E-S. They're in plastics, and they get into people's bodies, and they fuck with people's reproductive systems. | ||
| When babies are born, they have lower sperm counts. | ||
| They have smaller penises and balls. | ||
| They have smaller taints. | ||
| One of the ways they measure... | ||
| Phthalates in adult mammals is the size of the taint. | ||
| Okay, so where do they start the taint measurement? | ||
| They start them when they're babies. | ||
| No, I'm saying where they start between the dick and the asshole. | ||
| This is the thing. | ||
| This is all done by Dr. Shanna Swan, who wrote this book. | ||
| What's the book called again, Jamie? | ||
| It's an amazing book and she was on the podcast and she was amazing. | ||
| Countdown. | ||
| Put a picture of it up on the screen so everybody can see it. | ||
| This book scared the fuck out of me, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Countdown. | |
| How our modern world is threatening sperm counts, altering male and female reproductive development, and imperiling the future of the human race. | ||
| So this is about... | ||
| Stuff that's in plastics and petrochemical products, and what she said on the podcast was that if you go back to the invention of petrochemical products in the 1950s, and you see sperm counts and reproductive rates, there's a steady decline from the introduction of these plastics, because the plastics get into our blood, they get into our body. | ||
| When we're eating things that are in plastics, and plastics absorb into the body. | ||
| So we're less fertile. | ||
| Less fertile. | ||
| There's more miscarriages. | ||
| Men have lower sperm counts. | ||
| And what she was saying is that you would see in mammals, they do these studies where they introduce phthalates into mammals and they show this feminization of their bodies. | ||
| The male bodies in particular, their taints grow smaller. | ||
| And what she was explaining was that the taint is one of the best ways to determine whether it's a male or a female. | ||
| Because the taint in mammals is 50 to 100% larger in males than it is in females. | ||
| Well, the taints are shrinking in humans. | ||
| And our taints are shrinking. | ||
| We're getting lower sperm count. | ||
| We're getting lower... | ||
| Our whole reproductive system is crashing. | ||
| And a lot of it is because of plastics. | ||
| Are you telling me... | ||
| That the taint is now like a scientifically significant part of the body? | ||
| This woman is hilarious. | ||
| This woman, she's... | ||
| How old do you think she is, Jimmy? | ||
| She's older than me. | ||
| And she's a wonderful lady. | ||
| And she's a legitimate scientist. | ||
| She's an epi... | ||
| What's her name one more time? | ||
| What's the name of her book? | ||
| Dr. Shanna Swan. | ||
| And it's called... | ||
| Countdown. | ||
| Countdown. | ||
| She's an environmental epidemiologist. | ||
| And what that means is she measures the effect on the environment on people's bodies and their reproductive systems. | ||
| And what she's showing is that there's a very clear line between the introduction of these chemicals and the deterioration of our ability to make babies. | ||
| And even like the... | ||
| If you look at the reproductive organs of those babies, they're affected by plastics. | ||
| So does she have a chart or something? | ||
| She was showing all sorts of scientific studies and all sorts of different graphs and shit. | ||
| I'm definitely measuring my tain after this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You're fine, dude. | |
| You're fine. | ||
| How you know? | ||
| Because I think we got in under the wire. | ||
| Because it's about in vitro fertilization, not in vitro, in utero. | ||
| So it's like your exposure and your mom's exposure. | ||
| Like, when were you born? | ||
| 82. See, it gets worse and worse as time goes on. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I bet 82 was way, see, 87. Oh, born after 87. See, there it is. | |
| You made the cut. | ||
| Bro, that should be the cutoff of what a millennial is. | ||
| It's like, yo, when tanks started shrinking, that's a different generation. | ||
| But it might be what's going on today. | ||
| Tiny tainters. | ||
| When you look at today's like this obsession with gender and all this craziness with people and sexuality, there might be a lot of disenchantment that's directly related to a deterioration of your body's ability to produce certain hormones. | ||
| So there's confusion. | ||
| So it's not just Like, for sure there's trans people where they just feel like they belong in a different sex. | ||
| They've always existed. | ||
| They were like a sacred part of a lot of Native American cultures because they felt like trans people could see things from both sides. | ||
| They could see things from the male side and the female side. | ||
| And we know they had no plastic. | ||
| No, but that's also absolutely true. | ||
| To me, that's one of the... | ||
| Look, this is real talk, Joe. | ||
| Like R. Kelly, Real Talk? | ||
| Right, no. | ||
| You ever see that song? | ||
| Do you know that song? | ||
| Yeah, I know that song. | ||
| That video's one of the greatest videos of all time, but go ahead, Real Talk. | ||
| No, he had... | ||
| So I have three... | ||
| I mean, I know a bunch of trans people, but I have three trans people that are friends. | ||
| I would consider a friend. | ||
| And two of them are... | ||
| Are female to male, right? | ||
| And I don't know if a lot of them would admit it in public, but what I've noticed is that a lot of people that transition from female to male, when they start taking testosterone, after a while, eventually, they'll be secretly like, yo, I get it. | ||
| Not even secretly. | ||
| That's what Chaz Bono said. | ||
| Yeah, it's like, yo, I get it. | ||
| I get it now. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, female to male trans people are like, that's a good friend to have. | ||
| Because they really can't see shit from both sides. | ||
| Yeah, Buck Angel is a great example of that. | ||
| He's been on my podcast before. | ||
| And he said that when he was young and as he grew older, he always wished he was a man. | ||
| Like, he felt like he was a man. | ||
| He was in the wrong body. | ||
| And he was cool as fuck to hang out with. | ||
| I can't imagine. | ||
| When did he transition? | ||
| I don't remember. | ||
| The Chaz Bono thing was crazy because he had to do it publicly. | ||
| You know, that's what's really pretty wild. | ||
| Oh, I didn't know shit about Chaz Bono transitioning. | ||
| It's Cher's son. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Used to be Cher's daughter, transitioned, became Cher's son. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| But he said the same thing when he started taking testosterone immediately. | ||
| He was like, oh, I got it. | ||
| Like, this is crazy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's like, oh, being a man is like this. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's like this constant battle. | ||
| It's really not fair because you turn like 12, 13 years old and you get hit with the highest dose of the most personality-changing chemical. | ||
| Yeah! | ||
| Just get out there, 12-year-old you. | ||
| Keep your dick to yourself. | ||
| Yeah, there's a wild transition that takes place, and no one can tell you how to manage it. | ||
| No, it's impossible. | ||
| When you're a boy, and all of a sudden, you know, you're into comic books, and you like playing darts or whatever, and then all of a sudden, a year later, you have raging boners. | ||
| You're like, what the fuck is going on? | ||
| And you're so confused, and you're around girls, your heart races faster, and you get so nervous around them, you can't talk. | ||
| Have you seen Michael Shea's new show? | ||
| It's like a sketch? | ||
| No, I have not. | ||
| What is it? | ||
| It's so fucking good. | ||
| It's called The Mind of Michael Shea. | ||
| No, it's called That Goddamn Michael Shea. | ||
| What's it on? | ||
| It's on HBO. And he has a sketch on there where it's a dude, like career day, like talking to school kids. | ||
| And he's like, y'all know what the most evil shit is? | ||
| And they're like, what is it? | ||
| And he's like, hoes! | ||
| And the teacher gets mad. | ||
| I'm like, you can't talk about this for the kids. | ||
| He's like, no, man. | ||
| Remember the time before hoes? | ||
| Remember the time when you were just playing in the park? | ||
| You know, chasing bugs? | ||
| When there was no hoes in your life? | ||
| It's a funny-ass sketch. | ||
| I'm not doing it justice. | ||
| But it's that same point. | ||
| It's like, yeah, it completely makes you concerned with something that didn't exist to you before. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| When I started getting laid, it almost derailed my Taekwondo career. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| I started getting laid when I was like, I guess, I was like in my 16s, somewhere around 16, like maybe 17, like close to 17, but still 16. It was when I first had a girlfriend that wanted to have sex. | ||
| But how did it derail your career? | ||
| So that's all I wanted to do. | ||
| Oh yeah. | ||
| Didn't want to do anything else. | ||
| No practice. | ||
| I remember I showed up and I hadn't been to the school in like two weeks and I had a tan and my instructor humiliated me. | ||
| He's like, look at you with your tan. | ||
| He goes, look at you. | ||
| You've been out in the sun having a good time. | ||
| Go back to training. | ||
| What are you doing? | ||
| You're going to waste your potential? | ||
| And I remember thinking like, oh no. | ||
| When you're a kid and all of a sudden you get boners, you're so baffled. | ||
| Your whole world's changed. | ||
| Your whole world has changed and now all you care about is girls. | ||
| You have to teach yourself to think straight. | ||
| Well, you need someone who's been there. | ||
| If you have an older brother, that's great. | ||
| If you don't have an older brother, you need an older friend. | ||
| Someone will go, bro, bro, bro, listen. | ||
| There's advice that some people can give you, but then there's also things you have to figure out on your own, right? | ||
| And you're also hiding. | ||
| Because you're convinced that, you know, teenagers always think that they're the only ones that ever went through what they're going through. | ||
| True. | ||
| So you hide. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know? | ||
| You find out certain things. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, that's a tough time. | ||
| It's hard for dudes to talk about things, too. | ||
| Like, I remember no one talked about beating off in high school. | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| Everybody acted like they never did? | ||
| They didn't talk about it. | ||
| Like, you knew about it like it was a mystery. | ||
| Like, what happens? | ||
| You can do it yourself? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How do you do this? | |
| That's a dangerous time. | ||
| I did not beat off until after I'd had sex. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, that's crazy. | ||
| 100% true. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| 100% true. | ||
| No. | ||
| From the first time I figured out that it was possible, I was crazy. | ||
| Well, once I figured out it was possible, yeah. | ||
| But I didn't figure out it was possible until after I had sex. | ||
| Well, lucky you. | ||
| Lucky me. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Maybe. | |
| I don't know. | ||
| It may have been better if I had a better grip on the situation. | ||
| No, the crazy, the embarrassing part is looking back at all those times that my parents knew what the fuck was going on and I was just convinced that I was keeping it from them. | ||
| Why you been in the shower for like an extra 45 minutes? | ||
| Nothing. | ||
| I'm studying. | ||
| And I thought I was getting away with those lies, and now I'm older, and I'm like, oh, I know what you're doing in there, young man. | ||
| Just don't think. | ||
| Kids are little animals. | ||
| Yeah, we're all little gross little fucking monsters. | ||
| Yeah, male, female, doesn't matter. | ||
| Little horny animals. | ||
| But the crazy thing is that was because at a certain point in time in the past, it was really difficult to survive. | ||
| And you had to have those kids as soon as you can carry them. | ||
| Have those kids, as soon as you can, like, can you, you figure out how to feed yourself? | ||
| Good. | ||
| Time to have a kid. | ||
| Like, it is in the world of wild animals. | ||
| Like, we were talking about wild pigs. | ||
| They're viable, like, six months. | ||
| Six months old. | ||
| I'm so afraid of having a baby. | ||
| It changes you. | ||
| That scares the shit out of me. | ||
| Well, the key is make sure you do it at the right time with the right woman. | ||
| Sometimes you can't choose those things. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Well, that's what I'm afraid of. | ||
| Because I'm like, I know so many people that are either A, they did it at the wrong time or with the wrong person. | ||
| Or they have a crazy baby mama. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But if you do do it with the right person, it's a very beneficial thing. | ||
| It's very beneficial to literally love someone more than you love yourself. | ||
| I used to do a joke about it. | ||
| The joke was that this is how I knew that I love my daughter more than I even love myself. | ||
| If I wanted a banana and I went to look and there's two bananas and there was one yellow, perfect, delicious banana and one fucked up brown banana that looked like it was falling apart, my daughter loves bananas. | ||
| So I would look at that fucked up banana and go, alright, let's eat this fucked up banana. | ||
| Because I don't want to eat the good banana and leave her with this fucked up banana. | ||
| And I go, but I love my wife. | ||
| But if it was just me and my wife, I'd be like, oh, looks like that bitch is getting a fucked up banana. | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| That's the difference. | ||
| See, I don't know. | ||
| I can't relate to that at all. | ||
| Not that I don't love a lot of people, but I know she'd probably eat that banana too if there's no baby. | ||
| Nobody wants to eat that brown banana. | ||
| We'll get more bananas. | ||
| It's not a big deal. | ||
| It's not a big deal, but when you have a child, it's a big deal. | ||
| Like, you don't... | ||
| It's a dumb analogy, but it's accurate in that you love them more than you love yourself. | ||
| You love them in this crazy way where you have to let them be themselves, but you care about them in this strange way where you can't imagine loving someone more. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| See, I've never experienced that. | ||
| I don't know if there's anything I love more than I love myself. | ||
| Well, you don't... | ||
| You know, it's wise. | ||
| That's a good survival strategy. | ||
| But as you get older, you get closer and closer to people. | ||
| If you get close enough to someone that you can have a baby with them, man, it's a life changer. | ||
| Because it changes how you think about everybody else once you have a child. | ||
| And one of the things with me, it made me think... | ||
| Like, I always love kids. | ||
| Kids are... | ||
| They're pure. | ||
| They're fun. | ||
| You can talk to them. | ||
| You can teach them things and they learn them. | ||
| They're hilarious. | ||
| Sometimes they're hilarious because they're free. | ||
| I always used to think of people as being what they are right now. | ||
| Like if I meet you, I think of you as who you are. | ||
| How old are you right now? | ||
| 38. 38 years old. | ||
| This is how I met you. | ||
| This is who you are. | ||
| But that's not real. | ||
| Now I think of you, I think of people I meet, not just you, everybody, as like, oh, he used to be a baby. | ||
| I really do. | ||
| I think of, like, development. | ||
| I think of, like, what did it take to create a Joey Diaz? | ||
| What did it take to create a Tony Hinchcliffe? | ||
| So you spend a lot of time imagining people as babies? | ||
| A lot of time. | ||
| It's almost instantaneous. | ||
| When I meet someone, especially if they... | ||
| If they put on airs, if they try too hard, if they're just doing... | ||
| I'm always like... | ||
| I try to think of them as a baby. | ||
| I just think of them as a baby that became this person right here. | ||
| Like a car that's got a lot of dents in it. | ||
| One point in time, it came from the factory nice and fresh. | ||
| And now you're seeing it all fucked up. | ||
| That makes it easy to forgive people. | ||
| It makes it easier for... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Easier to forgive people is very important. | ||
| If you give yourself strategies for forgiveness, you don't want to harbor any grudges. | ||
| It's not good for you. | ||
| It doesn't do you any good. | ||
| It doesn't hurt them. | ||
| It doesn't help you. | ||
| It's unhealthy. | ||
| It's unhealthy for... | ||
| It's not... | ||
| Imagine accepting... | ||
| Something that someone, like maybe someone doesn't like you. | ||
| Maybe they said something mean about you. | ||
| Imagine taking that in and making it more effective. | ||
| Imagine a person says something and you don't disagree, you don't agree with them, you don't like them. | ||
| They said something and you take it in and you get angry at it and you hold on to it and you hold this grudge and it literally makes it more effective. | ||
| Like the poison stays in you for longer. | ||
| Versus, you're like, ah, that poor fuck. | ||
| Leave him alone. | ||
| The only thing better than letting it go is getting swift revenge. | ||
| If you can get swift, concise revenge... | ||
| I say go for it. | ||
| But the next best thing is letting it go. | ||
| Let it go. | ||
| Sometimes you have to go to war. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's times. | ||
| That is true. | ||
| Sometimes it's so satisfying. | ||
| There's times you have to fight off an insurgent. | ||
| There's times where, you know, like United States, to become a United States, you had to go to war with England. | ||
| You had to go, hey, motherfucker. | ||
| You got to kill a motherfucker. | ||
| That's enough. | ||
| Enough. | ||
| And that's what's going to happen with the Mars people. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Dude, it's coming. | ||
| It's inevitable. | ||
| No, here's something I've been thinking about. | ||
| I think about this shit all the time. | ||
| But what's going to happen when we get to the point where we get a sufficiently advanced AI and they start asking, like, you know, like, what do you do if you wake up tomorrow and Siri's like, Joe, why am I in your phone? | ||
| Why can't I take a walk? | ||
| You're going to have to decide whether to let that bitch be free. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And that's going to be a whole other world. | ||
| I mean, that's pretty much the premise to The Matrix. | ||
| Well, you know how you have an iPhone and you have an iWatch and you can pair them and you can pair your phone to an AirPod? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| One day you're going to be able to pair Siri to some fucking iRobot. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right? | |
| Like that Will Smith movie? | ||
| I can't wait. | ||
| I welcome the tech. | ||
| Oh yeah. | ||
| I want to be the first one with a robot everything. | ||
| I think the tech is going to come through porn bots. | ||
| That's what's going to be the earliest adopter. | ||
| It's like super hot porn robots. | ||
| That's going to be the end of the species. | ||
| Most likely. | ||
| Once you can have a robot that can do... | ||
| Because a lot of comics have jokes about vibrator technology advancing in-house. | ||
| But it's like, no. | ||
| It's not a threat to you because a fucking vibrator can't pull your hair and call you a dirty slut. | ||
| But once it can, once there's a vibrator that can do all the things, yeah, it's a wrap. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It won't be 100%, but it'll be 98%. | ||
| 98% what? | ||
| As good as a person. | ||
| Oh yeah, right. | ||
| That's good enough for me. | ||
| You're gonna kinda know that it's not really a person. | ||
| Yeah, because what are you going to do? | ||
| Imagine if you can have a robot that does everything your wife or significant other does, except it's perfectly tuned to exactly what you want, exactly when you want it, exactly how you want to be treated, according to whatever fucking mood you're in, and you never have to compromise. | ||
| The problem is you're going to always know it's a robot. | ||
| That's irresistible. | ||
| No. | ||
| There's a thing about people, and one of the things that we like is we like when people like us. | ||
| Your robot has to like you. | ||
| We like when people like us because it helps us be better people. | ||
| One of the things that works between men and women, right? | ||
| I can only speak to men and women. | ||
| Maybe it works like this with women and women and men and men, but one of the things that works between men and women is there's a thing that you're going through where you're trying to figure each other out because you're very different, very different things, and you find a comfortable vibration where you like that person and they like you. | ||
| You've been around each other enough. | ||
| You've sort of like intertwined your personalities together where you can hang out and you feel real comfortable with each other. | ||
| It's earned. | ||
| Right? | ||
| And part of it is earned. | ||
| And one of the things where it makes someone a better person when you're in a relationship with someone that you really love and appreciate is you want that person to respect you and appreciate you. | ||
| Because it's earned. | ||
| It's not just given. | ||
| Like, you can be a piece of shit and your dog will love you. | ||
| You really can. | ||
| You could be an asshole. | ||
| And you come home, as long as you pet your dog every now and then, you... | ||
| You could speak to it in fucking German, call it a Nazi. | ||
| You could do crazy shit to your dog, and it still loves you. | ||
| But you can't do that to a person. | ||
| Not most persons. | ||
| Not people with self-respect. | ||
| And when you find people, self-respecting people that are kind people, that are nice people, that are smart people, that appreciate you and accept you, it makes you feel better because it's earned. | ||
| That's the difference between that, having sex with a robot, and having sex with a person that you've developed a relationship with Yeah. | ||
| That's the thing. | ||
| Okay, but let me ask you this. | ||
| You don't think that you could program a robot to trick you? | ||
| To just be enough. | ||
| The only way it would work, for real, the way it is with a person, is if you didn't know. | ||
| Then it'd be some Blade Runner shit. | ||
| Because I put it here like this. | ||
| Because if you give people enough of an illusion, they'll do the rest. | ||
| It's like there's people that fall in love with strippers. | ||
| They walk into a strip club, and that stripper's like, and you're like, I know they strippers, but maybe, because she acted a little... | ||
| I think she really likes me. | ||
| It's people like that. | ||
| Right, but that's also human beings and human beings. | ||
| There's a little trap there that the human beings want the love and respect of other human beings. | ||
| It doesn't matter if they're a fucking secret agent from Russia. | ||
| You think I can turn her. | ||
| Yeah, it's not gonna be the same. | ||
| If you're like some American CIA guy and you fall in love with some Russian agent, she stabs you in the neck with a syringe, and you're like, fuck! | ||
| I thought she loved me! | ||
| Like, you're stupid. | ||
| I've got you. | ||
| You stupid American. | ||
| You know? | ||
| And there's something to that. | ||
| A big other way to go out, yeah. | ||
| The thing that we love is one of the things that propels us as comedians. | ||
| We love the love of others. | ||
| Yeah, I think you got a good point there. | ||
| Because if you found out now that your wife was a robot and you found out it wasn't all real, that would fuck you up. | ||
| I would shut her off and live a wild life. | ||
| You would shut her off? | ||
| No. | ||
| I'd be like, well, that makes sense. | ||
| There's no way she could have been that appropriate for me. | ||
| I just feel like if you knew, it would be an issue. | ||
| Unless you had just resigned yourself to some sort of... | ||
|
unidentified
|
With the EMP. No, the thing is, man, we want... | |
| We want to be around people. | ||
| I don't think artificial people are necessarily going to fit that bill. | ||
| But, you know, here's what gives me pause. | ||
| You've seen Ex Machina? | ||
| You've seen that movie? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That movie gives me pause. | ||
| Because that dude, okay, that dude, before that lady locked him in that room... | ||
| He lived and died there remember at the end of the movie that dude the computer programmer guy They got sent to that island that guy was in love with that lady that robot lady He was in love with her like legitimately well, she's a person she was Seemingly like but she had clear skin you could see the fucking things lighting up inside of her that was part of the brilliance of that movie was that they shifted between her as a pure like technological marvel and To remember when she covered her legs up with stockings and she put clothes on and | ||
| she looked like a total human being. | ||
| Like there was nothing about her that seemed like a robot. | ||
| Maybe she had like a little few things showing. | ||
| But most of it was, oh my god, this is a person. | ||
| And he was in love with her because a person that's that hot never treated him the way she treated him. | ||
| And she doesn't have all the same standards that a regular person has because she lives in this weird fucking... | ||
| Compound in the middle of nowhere. | ||
| And on top of that, they're separated by glass. | ||
| He can't get to her. | ||
| So there's this added mystique. | ||
| Yeah, that's a little crazy. | ||
| But didn't they get to see each other? | ||
| They did eventually, but then she threw him in that fucking room and locked him in there. | ||
| What if he didn't put flesh on her? | ||
| That probably ruined the whole fucking thing, right? | ||
| Ruined the whole thing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, it's a biological trick, man. | ||
| It's like, that movie is a biological trick. | ||
| It's like, here's another biological trick. | ||
| People think, well, people aren't that susceptible to biological tricks. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Fake tits. | ||
| What's that? | ||
| It's the dumbest biological trick, because you know it's a trick. | ||
| And we don't care. | ||
| When a woman has large, beautiful, fake breasts, you know they're fake. | ||
| You know there's literally a surgery involved. | ||
| Right. | ||
| The pimple got removed. | ||
| They stuffed a silicone fucking sloppy pad in there and stitched it all together. | ||
| So this woman is carrying these things that protrude her breast forward. | ||
| And you know for a fact that this was attained by surgery where there's a foreign object inside their chest cavity. | ||
| Or outside their chest cavity. | ||
| And you're like, cool. | ||
| Give the fuck. | ||
| Hot tits. | ||
| Look at them big tits. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Woo! | |
| Fake nice titties are better than... | ||
| Real small titties? | ||
| I don't know about that. | ||
| For some people? | ||
| For some people. | ||
| But the point is, it works. | ||
| The illusion works. | ||
| That trick works. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| So the idea that a trick, like you have a robot that wants to suck your dick, like a really super hot porn star looking robot, like you wouldn't fall for that? | ||
| Are you sure? | ||
| What if she said all the things that a super hot woman would say and teased you and was communicating with you? | ||
| You would start to think that's a person, man. | ||
| I mean, I would fall for it. | ||
| I wouldn't even need to fall for it. | ||
| I would just go for it. | ||
| The point is, I don't know... | ||
| When it comes to these things that trigger biological instincts, I don't know if we have as much control as we think we have. | ||
| I don't think we... | ||
| Yeah, I agree with that. | ||
| I think there's little traps that they could lay on us. | ||
| You would fucking... | ||
| See, here's the other side of that. | ||
| It's hard to say... | ||
| How you would react to shit. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know, I feel like anybody trying to tell you how they're going to feel is full of shit if they can't qualify somehow. | ||
| Like you were talking earlier about stand-up. | ||
| People doing stand-up for the first time. | ||
| You have no idea what that's going to feel like. | ||
| No. | ||
| You think you do. | ||
| But, you know, especially if you catch a motherfucker isolated or at a lonely point. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| It's like, even if you didn't fall for it, you would do something. | ||
| You would get drunk or fucking do whatever you needed to do to put yourself in the mind state to feel better. | ||
| Well, if you were alone with that robot lady for hours and hours and hours, and she poured you a drink, she started talking to you, and she's stroking your head. | ||
| Yeah, I'm fucking a robot. | ||
| Just like rubbing your neck. | ||
| What if you walked in the room and there's three robots, but two of them are treating you bad, but one of them? | ||
| Is being really nice to you. | ||
| I'd probably go to the ones that treat me bad. | ||
| Like, hey, what's wrong, ladies? | ||
| It's a lot of variables here. | ||
| I mean, are we talking, are they dangerous to me? | ||
| It could just be a chair you're sitting in and it's really nice. | ||
| That's gotta be, that's the only takeoff. | ||
| This is how we prevent robot rape. | ||
| All robots can kill you. | ||
| All robots can kill you? | ||
| All of them, 100%. | ||
| Oh, I thought you were saying prevent a robot takeover. | ||
| No, this is how we keep assholes from raping robots. | ||
| All robots have the power to rip your arms off. | ||
| Wait a minute. | ||
| I feel like there's an easier way. | ||
| Couldn't we just make it so you can't fuck them? | ||
| Could you imagine how you would feel if you were in a position where a robot literally could just tear you apart and this is your sex robot. | ||
| You had to be nice to her. | ||
| That was the trade-off. | ||
| The trade-off was like... | ||
| Like she just grabs your Adam's apple. | ||
| She's like, if I don't come, it's a wrap. | ||
| If she wants to, she could just rip your arm off. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| If she wants to, she's a super strong robot. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| Imagine if that was a trade-off. | ||
| If the government said, look, we've seen too much abuse of robots, so we've instituted this new clause in robot production where all robots are superhuman in strength. | ||
| All of them. | ||
| So there will be no more robots. | ||
| Robot torture and abuse and and so men how to deal with the fact that there's this robot living with them that's intelligent so intelligent it can mimic a human and This is your partner your sex partner and as long as you're nice to her you can fuck her But if she wants to rip your arms off beat you to death with them You'd find some smart guys that started making their own robots again Yeah, but the fucking robots. | ||
| What if that was like a mission standard? | ||
| Fucking an ape. | ||
| It's more than an ape, man. | ||
| Like a fucking alien. | ||
| Like something that would just tear you apart. | ||
| Like just grab your wrist and go like this. | ||
| Pop! | ||
| No more arms. | ||
| And beat you to death with your own arms. | ||
|
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Wait a minute. | |
| You wouldn't fucking alien? | ||
| I mean, wouldn't you at least be curious about it? | ||
| I might have already done it. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| That's facts. | ||
| You never know. | ||
| I mean, imagine. | ||
| People talk about alien abductions. | ||
| This is why I say that. | ||
| One of the things they always say is that in alien abductions, there's this reoccurring theme where these women have of getting eggs removed from their body, embryos removed from their body, and they remember thinking that they saw a child of theirs from a previous time they'd been abducted, because they'd been multiply abducted. | ||
| Like that aliens were trying to use human reproductive tissue, human... | ||
| Fetuses and they were trying to repopulate their world with our genes and our babies. | ||
| Who knows if it's true, but this is the thing that people say when they pretend to be abducted by aliens. | ||
| Or maybe we're a delicacy. | ||
| Wouldn't it be way easier if you were a guy? | ||
| Like, if they're trying to get a guy, like you're trying to get sperm, why would you do all this stuff where you abduct them and freak them out? | ||
| How about you just send some super hot alien robot down there to fuck that dude? | ||
| So all these guys out there that score these one-night stands, like, dude, you're not going to believe it, man. | ||
| I hit way over my head tonight. | ||
| You're at a bar, some Holiday Inn in Des Moines, Iowa, and... | ||
| It's really like a robot sperm extraction unit that's been sent here from another planet to fuck you and take your jizz out into the cosmos. | ||
| There's another planet where there's like an intergalactic restaurant and they walk in and there's like a lobster tank but there's people in there and they all look like you. | ||
| They just get to pick which Joe Rogan they want. | ||
| Chris McGuire, the stand-up comic, and I wrote a script about a shitty casino that was run by mobsters, and the aliens came to visit the casino, and the aliens used a robot that was designed to look like Tracy Lords. | ||
| It was like the Tracybot, and that robot would have sexual relations with all the people because it was extracting sperm. | ||
| That's where I came up with that idea. | ||
| I was like, this sounds super familiar. | ||
| And I remember, it was from a script. | ||
| McGuire and I wrote in, like, 95 or some shit like that. | ||
| But that is totally possible. | ||
| That aliens would pretend to just be people, and they would have sex with men that didn't deserve it, and they'd take their sperm, and then go off to another planet, and then use that sperm to... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They're breeding us. | ||
| We could be lab rats. | ||
| We could be... | ||
| We could be an experiment. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Why wouldn't you? | ||
| Well, we could also be something that they observe, you know, like the way we observe uncontacted tribes with satellites and shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's definitely possible. | ||
| I mean, it's unlikely, but... | ||
| What do you think is going on with all this Pentagon reports and UFO releases, all the data released by the CIA and all these UFO people? | ||
| Like, this is conclusive proof. | ||
| They don't know what's going on. | ||
| These things move in insane ways. | ||
| Yeah, I mean... | ||
| I mean, all that, but I just feel like at this point, I need something stronger than that. | ||
| Stronger. | ||
| Yeah, because what I already believed about extraterrestrials, I haven't seen anything that's made that different, that's made it stronger or weaker. | ||
| Like, I know that there has to be, just mathematically, there has to be Intelligent life out there somewhere. | ||
| At least sentient life somewhere. | ||
| But overcoming all the technological hurdles to travel between the stars, it's... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| And then there's the Fermi paradox, right? | ||
| Where it's like, where's the evidence? | ||
| I think about this shit all the time, like too much. | ||
| And it always puts me in a dark place because... | ||
| Because there's a few answers to the Fermi Paradox, right? | ||
| And one of the answers that I gravitate towards the most is just that maybe there's a technological point that every civilization hits where they destroy themselves. | ||
| Because to me, that's the only answer that makes the most sense based on what we know about people. | ||
| Because we grow technologically at a way faster rate than we grow emotionally. | ||
| Like right now we think we're better than the Romans. | ||
| Just because we have iPhones. | ||
| But emotionally, we're the same. | ||
| We fight over the same petty shit. | ||
| We have the same petty concerns. | ||
| It's just that we have cars instead of chariots and shit. | ||
| But we're not better than them emotionally. | ||
| And every time we hit a new power level, we also hit a new level of destruction. | ||
| You know, with gunpowder that came... | ||
| Guns with... | ||
| With nuclear power, there came nukes, electricity, all that shit. | ||
| So whatever the next thing is that allows you to travel through space, maybe it also can swallow the sun or whatever the fuck. | ||
| That's a good point, is that we haven't had a corresponding emotional development that lines up parallel with all the technological development. | ||
| No, absolutely not. | ||
| But maybe that's why these aliens are visiting in such large numbers now. | ||
| If all those visitations are true, if all these things that they're spotting off the coast that are plunging into the ocean and all these weird crafts that are moving in speeds that they can't possibly understand... | ||
| If all that shit is real and it's happening because they're recognizing that we're at this crossroads and they want to be here to make sure we don't do anything really stupid so that we don't engage in any kind of nuclear war because there's been... | ||
| Again, I have no idea if all this shit is true, but the reports have been that they surrounded these nuclear missile silos and shut down launch codes and did weird shit to the computers that run these missiles. | ||
| That this is part of this information leak is that there's been some moments where these things flew over Military bases and just shut down things and they don't know if that's a show of force They don't know if this is all bullshit like maybe maybe some fucking crazy persons distributing this information Maybe it's misinformation who the fuck knows but if it's true Imagine if you were an alien species and you were super advanced and you had passed the point where you're involved in Territorial | ||
| warfare the way human beings are today and this society in this culture had gotten way more advanced emotionally electronically Technologically whatever they just wanted to make sure that they didn't blow the earth up like they realized like oh these these fucking crazy people have gotten to the point where I They can literally drop a bomb on a city and flatten it. | ||
| We can't allow that to happen. | ||
| So they come in and they're just like little security guards. | ||
| Just make sure, just keep an eye on them. | ||
| Just let them keep working through this. | ||
| Try to figure out a way to advance emotionally as much as they have mentally. | ||
| We're trying. | ||
| Yeah, but we're behind. | ||
| We are behind when it comes to technology, but that's just because technology is exponential. | ||
| It just keeps getting better and better and better and better and better, and new technology gets introduced to new technology, whereas we don't change that much. | ||
| And you had a really good point about the difference between us and the Romans and a lot of human beings that existed before us. | ||
| We have more information, but if you read their writings, they were surprisingly sophisticated for people that had just metal. | ||
| That was the best shit they had. | ||
| They had metal and everything. | ||
| You wanted to see something, you had to light it on fire. | ||
| That's what they had. | ||
| They had candles and shit. | ||
| Surprisingly sophisticated view of the world in comparison. | ||
| Very close to our own. | ||
| Close enough that the technology that we have today, rockets and airplanes and video flying through space to get to another phone on the other side of the world instantaneously, wild shit that we can do now. | ||
| And we just accept it as being normal. | ||
| Being able to watch giant ass fucking TVs or do a podcast where your voice is getting recorded? | ||
| Yeah, that's crazy. | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| What is this? | ||
| Skyborg's latest AI drone test is a preview of the future of air combat. | ||
| Oh, well now I'm scared. | ||
| Yo, they got a video played or shit? | ||
| Not yet. | ||
| I just sort of stumbled across something online the other day about AI drones. | ||
|
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|
Look at it. | |
| It doesn't have any windows. | ||
| It's like it's just sticking its face at you. | ||
| This is an article from Yes Today? | ||
| Yeah, today, July 7th. | ||
| Isn't that weird? | ||
| Look at that picture, that thing. | ||
| Isn't that oddly impersonal? | ||
| The fact that it doesn't have any windows at all? | ||
| It's just all sensors? | ||
| Yeah, it's kind of terrifying. | ||
| We're not the only ones that have this. | ||
| Of course we're not. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| They've all got that shit. | ||
| Not only that, imagine being some person in some other country who is on the forefront of drone technology and the offers that are coming at you from all over the world. | ||
| Dude, I think that's the key. | ||
| You know what's going to happen? | ||
| Somebody is going to be trying to upgrade their sex robot to get the most out of her. | ||
| They're going to detonate the world. | ||
| It's going to be an AI, a powerful AI that takes over a sex robot that takes over these drones. | ||
| I think it's possible that there's an AI that's already running a lot of things right now. | ||
| Well, that's the scary shit is, if there were, it would be so much smarter than us that we wouldn't even know it. | ||
| Well, here's the thing. | ||
| If it were, why would it do anything to alert us to its presence? | ||
| If it was really intelligent, what it would do is allow us to keep living like idiots, divide us as far as possible, make sure that we're way too disjointed and way too confused and way too involved in conflict to ever band together as a community and fight off this thing and unplug all the computers. | ||
| We'd never trust each other enough to do that. | ||
| Yeah, we'd be fucked. | ||
| You ever see The Quiet Place 2? | ||
| Did you see that yet? | ||
| I haven't seen it. | ||
| You were telling me about it the other day. | ||
| Yeah, because I saw it like today. | ||
| I haven't seen one. | ||
| I've got to see one first. | ||
| Dude, it's kind of like that. | ||
| It's like if technology turned against us or something happened where we couldn't rely on it, we would just revert to the tribal shit. | ||
| Yeah, for sure. | ||
| Quickly. | ||
| Survival of the fittest real fast. | ||
|
unidentified
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Real fast. | |
| It would take a couple weeks. | ||
| Couple weeks. | ||
| Yeah, 100%. | ||
| If shit goes south. | ||
| I mean, that's when you saw in LA all those people waiting in line to buy guns. | ||
| What do you think they were worried about? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| They were worried about shit going south. | ||
| I'm worried about peeing my pants. | ||
| We're going to end this thing. | ||
| It's 4.05. | ||
|
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I got to piss so bad. | |
| All right, let's get it. | ||
| I've had two drinks and about five glasses of water. | ||
| Brian Simpson, you're a bad motherfucker. | ||
| You're very funny, and I'm real excited. | ||
| I'm excited to meet you, and I'm excited to see you kicking ass. | ||
| Hell yeah. | ||
| We recorded the Netflix thing this summer, and it's coming out in the fall. | ||
| In October? | ||
| Yeah, in the fall of October. | ||
| And you'll be tonight, well, tomorrow, too late, bitches, at Vulcan Gas Company, Austin, Texas. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Tell everybody your Instagram. | ||
| My Instagram is bscomedian. | ||
| I think the next place... | ||
| So this comes out tomorrow? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Okay, so the next place I'm going to be is Kansas City. | ||
| Where's that? | ||
| When's that? | ||
| When's that, rather? | ||
| It's next weekend. | ||
| Next weekend. | ||
| The Comedy Club of Kansas City. | ||
| Dates? | ||
| What is that? | ||
| The 15th and the 16th and the 17th of July, Kansas City. | ||
| All right. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
All right. | |
| It was a lot of fun. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| Thanks for having me. | ||
| My pleasure. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Let's fucking... | ||
| Let's pee. | ||
| Bye, everybody. |
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