Speaker | Time | Text |
---|---|---|
unidentified
|
The Joe Rogan Experience Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day Hello Eliza Hi Joe Rogan. | |
Good to see you as always. | ||
Thanks so much for having me. | ||
I hear you're a big movie star now. | ||
Who told you that? | ||
Vanity Fair or someone? | ||
They misspelled my name in the article. | ||
unidentified
|
No. | |
How did they fuck up Eliza? | ||
Did they fuck up the last name? | ||
It's the last name. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Well, that's why you went with just Eliza too, right? | ||
You're in that rare group of humans that could go with one name. | ||
People are like, who do you think you are? | ||
I'm like someone with a complex German phonetic last name. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Schlesinger. | ||
unidentified
|
That's all. | |
It's a rough one. | ||
Schlesinger. | ||
Yeah. | ||
It's rough. | ||
It's hard. | ||
It's hard. | ||
See, I fucked it up and I know you forever. | ||
I'm so used to it though. | ||
And what's weird is... | ||
People always say it wrong, and then when they spell it, yes, there should be a C in it, but there isn't. | ||
But they'll go to spell it, and they always add a C. I'm like, weird that you don't understand anything else, but you have a firm grasp on German phonetics. | ||
Everybody knows there should be a C, no matter how smart or stupid they are. | ||
unidentified
|
Really? | |
Yeah. | ||
And there should be. | ||
We changed it at Ellis Island. | ||
Oh, really? | ||
Why'd they change it? | ||
My great-great-grandpa was like, we'll make it less Jewish. | ||
I'm like, I don't think that did it. | ||
It just made it really hard. | ||
Oh, boy. | ||
Make it less Jewish. | ||
Yeah. | ||
That's hilarious. | ||
It's what it is. | ||
But we try to drop it just for... | ||
But there's like you, Roseanne, Sebastian, Oprah. | ||
There's only a few people that can go by one name. | ||
Man, Escalco's hard. | ||
Yeah, it's a rough one. | ||
Winfrey isn't. | ||
That's a flex. | ||
Barr isn't. | ||
That's a flex. | ||
Schlesinger, this is for everyone's mental health. | ||
I should have done it earlier. | ||
But I don't know if Roseanne did it or if people just call her Roseanne. | ||
I think it's that. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Because there's no other Roseanne. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Roseanne Arquette. | ||
Roseanna, though. | ||
Right. | ||
Right. | ||
And they don't do the same thing. | ||
I don't think people confuse them. | ||
No. | ||
And who's that character Gilda Radner used to play? | ||
Roseanna, Roseanna, Dana. | ||
Yeah. | ||
That's such a deep cut. | ||
Like, I feel like most people don't know that. | ||
Yeah. | ||
They're so young. | ||
Well, I'm old. | ||
I knew it. | ||
I remember those things. | ||
Yeah. | ||
But it's also like, it's comedy history. | ||
It is. | ||
Yeah. | ||
She was comedy. | ||
Gilda, that's another one. | ||
Right. | ||
Everybody called her Gilda Radner, right? | ||
They did. | ||
They did. | ||
Yeah. | ||
We did. | ||
But then there's like a thing like where comics would call Eddie Murphy, Eddie. | ||
But that was almost like a, like you were a flex of intimacy. | ||
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
Yes. | ||
People do that for Chappelle, but I think he goes by Chappelle. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Like, yeah, I was at Chappelle's, like, his camp, and I'm like, you don't know him like that. | ||
Like, you bought a ticket. | ||
Summer camp. | ||
I don't do the last name thing. | ||
It's a very familiar, people do it, it's a very jocular, like, we go by last names, and because mine's so long, no one's ever called me by that. | ||
If I meet you, I'm calling you by your first name. | ||
Okay. | ||
I get it. | ||
I just do. | ||
Yeah, or Joey Diaz calls you your full name. | ||
He'll fuck up the last name though. | ||
I call him Joey Diaz. | ||
Some people go by both. | ||
He calls everybody by your full name. | ||
If he wants to say something important to me, he goes, Joe Rogan. | ||
Listen to me, Joe Rogan. | ||
Joe Rogan. | ||
I'm just calling to see how you're doing. | ||
Yeah. | ||
He does that too, right? | ||
unidentified
|
He does that! | |
Yeah, all the time. | ||
It's such a Menchie thing to do. | ||
It's very East Coast. | ||
Yeah, he's a sweetheart. | ||
He really is. | ||
People don't understand Joey because of some of the things that he said. | ||
If you see it out of context, you think like, oh, what an awful person. | ||
He's one of the nicest guys of all time. | ||
You could think that about anyone out of context. | ||
For sure. | ||
No, he's a sweet man. | ||
For sure. | ||
Who ate a lot of mushrooms at our last interview. | ||
And I was like, do I have to do... | ||
I don't want to... | ||
I've never seen someone consume so many different types of drugs. | ||
Like it was candy. | ||
On a podcast. | ||
Just eating gummies. | ||
I'm like, you know this isn't real candy. | ||
This is going to do something. | ||
Horking them down. | ||
And I was like, this is an hour podcast. | ||
Yeah, I don't know if it's the best for the quality of the podcast, but for the actual freak show aspect of the experience, it's off the charts. | ||
I drank one, I had like half a drink, I played Hollywood Game Night once, and I was like a little weird on camera, and I was like, we're never doing it again. | ||
What's Hollywood Game Night? | ||
It's like that show, it's from Jane Lynch, it's like on... | ||
I think it's ABC. It's like celebrities come and they play games for charity and they have liquor there because they're hoping you'll get drunk and like do something and I had one and I was like my eyes are like you don't want that captured on camera. | ||
Yeah, actually being drunk unless it's for like world star. | ||
Yeah, there's not like how many people have shows where you have to drink on their show. | ||
It's pretty rare. | ||
I don't think you ever have to, but I think it's always, executives always have this thing, they're like, let's set it up like it's just a hang. | ||
It's an interview, but there's a bar. | ||
This is different. | ||
This is very relaxed. | ||
It's your own thing. | ||
But they always want to make it like you happen upon this conversation in someone's living room with cameras. | ||
Yeah, that doesn't work. | ||
The other thing about those things is like whenever they do try to set up those fake intimate things There's always a bunch of people moving around in the background and you gotta go. | ||
Hey, you gotta sit still like you can't just have a conversation like they do they do these things that like I did Bill Simmons podcast and I did it when it was on HBO and I was like, why do you have so many people working for you? | ||
Right. | ||
Like, it's supposed to be just you and me. | ||
It's like, I don't know how to fire them. | ||
I mean, there was dozens of people around. | ||
I think you can request, like an Oprah interview, you can request no one else be there, I think. | ||
unidentified
|
Really? | |
You could also request that they just all stay in the truck for production. | ||
Well, you're just not going to have that feeling like you're hanging if there's a bunch of people walking around in the background. | ||
You see a bunch of production assistants. | ||
I would feel like as a comic, it would not bother you or fuel you. | ||
People walking around? | ||
No, because they're not paying attention to you. | ||
They're doing other stuff. | ||
It's not like they're an audience watching, like they're all sitting down watching. | ||
That would be fine. | ||
It's distracting. | ||
They're moving around. | ||
They try to recreate intimacy on a set, but then they have 20 people working on the production side. | ||
It's just fucking weird. | ||
Those shows are weird. | ||
They have so many people working there. | ||
It's like, how are there enough jobs for you folks? | ||
I feel that way about some YouTube shows where I'm just like, why does it require this much? | ||
Yeah. | ||
Why there's so many production assistants? | ||
Exactly. | ||
I think people just kind of want to be there and they're like, you can pay me in gummy bears. | ||
I think what it is is people want to try to imitate a television show. | ||
And if you were on an actual television show, like a CBS show or something like that, there'd be a gang of people on the set. | ||
They think it equals value. | ||
Yeah. | ||
unidentified
|
Right. | |
I know comics that have shows and they hire interns. | ||
So they have people that work for them for nothing. | ||
Yeah. | ||
And they get like school credit. | ||
I did that. | ||
Did you do that? | ||
It's kind of a scam. | ||
Experience, you know, and it's obviously like a privilege thing. | ||
Like, oh, I'll just be able to feed myself otherwise and I'll just get this experience. | ||
How did you do it? | ||
What'd you do? | ||
It was a part of... | ||
I went to Emerson and their LA program was you move here, you stay at the Oakwoods, and you intern. | ||
You take classes at the LA campus for Emerson, but then you intern. | ||
You don't have to apply to an internship like you would a job. | ||
And so you're there like four days a week doing grunt work, mostly just sitting at a desk. | ||
At least that's what I did. | ||
But it's the idea that you're kind of dipping your toe, seeing what you might like, what you might be good at. | ||
So it wasn't really... | ||
Yeah, did it make you think, okay, I definitely don't want to work on a set? | ||
I wasn't on a set. | ||
It was the United Artists office. | ||
And it made me think, I definitely do not want to log all of these indie submission movies that were shot on a Nokia phone. | ||
Just logging details of stuff. | ||
You're like, no one's ever going to... | ||
I would do it for my boss. | ||
I'd write all the info in case they ever revisited it. | ||
But it was just going in a trash hole. | ||
And were you doing stand-up at the time? | ||
That's a great question. | ||
Yes. | ||
When was your first day on stage? | ||
In LA? Ever. | ||
My first for stand-up? | ||
First first. | ||
First stand-up. | ||
Yeah. | ||
First stand-up was... | ||
Because I did improv. | ||
Trying to avoid the question? | ||
No, I just want to make sure I answer it precisely. | ||
Yes, the first day. | ||
You're right. | ||
Your first day on stage doing stand-up. | ||
It's totally wholly unrelatable, but my second to last semester of college, I did a semester at sea. | ||
So you go on this boat with like 600 kids from all over the country, and you travel. | ||
You get to go to all these countries, and you take classes on the boat. | ||
Oh, wow. | ||
And we would do like, you know, At night, they'd have dinner and you'd have coffee houses, like on Thursdays. | ||
unidentified
|
And you could sing a song, you could do a poem. | |
A lot of beat poetry. | ||
Oh, boy. | ||
A lot of emotional poetry. | ||
unidentified
|
Oh, Christ. | |
And I had written, as one does, a one-man show in college. | ||
So I took a couple of those jokes and I decided I would talk about my observations about the guys and the girls on the ship. | ||
Because it was my first real time around like frat guys and sorority girls because I went to like a small liberal arts school. | ||
And I was just fascinated by the way they were all interacting. | ||
We were all interacting and observations about the ship and food and whatever, common experiences. | ||
So I got up and I read like a monologue I'd written about what we were going through. | ||
And it became a thing I did every week. | ||
And then I took that when I got to L.A. And somebody said, do you want like five minutes at Room 5, which is a bar that doesn't exist above a restaurant that doesn't exist anymore. | ||
And I just started doing stand-up there. | ||
Wow. | ||
Yeah. | ||
So what year was this? | ||
That was probably like, I graduated college like, 2005. Because I had been doing, I did comedy for three years before it like all took off. | ||
So when did I meet you? | ||
Like, become friends, meet, or like... | ||
I always knew who you were. | ||
We became friends pretty quick. | ||
Yeah. | ||
So, it's such a nebulous... | ||
Like, you think back. | ||
You're like, what's ten years ago? | ||
I know. | ||
It's going by very quickly. | ||
I've been here a year already. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Which is crazy. | ||
That is crazy. | ||
Yeah. | ||
I remember visiting you. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Um... | ||
It's... | ||
Because I... Right, I did a drive-in here. | ||
Um... | ||
I don't know. | ||
I became a regular at the store probably like 2007... | ||
That was right when I left. | ||
Right, because you weren't there the whole time. | ||
Yeah. | ||
So when did I do your podcast? | ||
You had a podcast at the Laugh Factory. | ||
unidentified
|
I did. | |
Yeah, I was on your first episode. | ||
Yeah, you were so kind, because you had a podcast. | ||
Right? | ||
You must have. | ||
It must have been 2009, if that's the case, because that's when I started. | ||
It was way later. | ||
Something like that. | ||
Yeah, it had to be after 2009. And I couldn't believe you said yes. | ||
And I was like, this is it. | ||
It's all going to be smooth sailing from here. | ||
I got Joe Rogan. | ||
And you were cool. | ||
And I think you came on my next podcast, like the next iteration when I moved companies. | ||
So you're a giver. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Well, you and I have always had a fun relationship. | ||
Yeah. | ||
We've always had a good time. | ||
A lot of mutual respect. | ||
I think of you, I think of seeing you in the hallway, like behind the OR, and I think of you as not wanting people to bug you so you're in that back bar. | ||
You're the only comic that probably truly needs to utilize the back area because people are coming up to you so much that you're like, I just need a minute. | ||
Well, people come up to you with projects. | ||
They're not just coming up to say hi. | ||
The store was filled with so many people that had, hey man, I want to start a weed strain with your name on it. | ||
Hey man. | ||
Will you wrestle this bear? | ||
There's always just some person that thinks that they just got to make a connection with me. | ||
Meanwhile, I'll have notes out. | ||
I'll have a new bit I'm trying to work on. | ||
So I got notes and I'm going over something. | ||
And they don't shut the fuck up. | ||
They just won't leave you alone. | ||
So you have to hide. | ||
You got to go. | ||
I think a lot of comics wish, like, yeah, I gotta go in that back room. | ||
I don't want my fans to bug me. | ||
I'm like, there's no one checking for you. | ||
I always admire your hustle. | ||
You get shit done. | ||
You get after it. | ||
You're always doing something. | ||
You're always pushing. | ||
Thank you. | ||
You're always getting going. | ||
I respect that. | ||
Thank you. | ||
I just think it's... | ||
The odds of anything happening in this career are less than zero. | ||
So the more things you try to do at once, the less painful it is when something doesn't go because you have something else to focus on. | ||
Very true. | ||
Why put all your eggs in one basket if you can have a bunch of other smaller baskets with one egg in each one? | ||
Yeah, and then maybe one thing catches fire, and then put your energy in that and pursue it. | ||
But that's why I always have three different things going on. | ||
I always do stand-up, I always have this, and I still do the UFC. I don't plan on abandoning any of those. | ||
I like having that kind of complete autonomy and financial independence and not worrying about one thing versus the other. | ||
Just do them all. | ||
Well, you're very that. | ||
You were the architect of your own design. | ||
And you're very anti... | ||
You don't want to be beholden to anyone. | ||
Not that anyone does. | ||
But you're particularly opposed to that. | ||
And you have always just been like, I'm doing this... | ||
You had a podcast and... | ||
It happened to be like the archetype of all podcasts. | ||
Like this is the podcast everybody wants. | ||
This is the success that everybody wants when they create their own podcast. | ||
And you did yours. | ||
And so people think like, oh, I'll just build one like Joe Rogan's. | ||
And it's like, you can't. | ||
You can't do one like Joe Rogan's because there already is a Joe Rogan one. | ||
So you've got to, you know, build your own one. | ||
But everything that you've done is because it was something that fueled you versus, oh, you have to go. | ||
You know, at least now. | ||
The reason why I can't have anybody tell me what to do is they would have never let me do it this way. | ||
Like, I know it's a dumb way to do it. | ||
I know on paper all of it's dumb. | ||
I say too many risky things. | ||
I have too many people on that are controversial. | ||
We fuck around. | ||
We do half the podcast drunk or stoned. | ||
But that's why it works. | ||
Like, people don't... | ||
But the thing is, like, going back to the idea of having a bunch of executives and people around, when their job is dependent upon you not doing anything stupid... | ||
They're going to keep you from doing what you really want to do. | ||
Well, everything becomes so watered down. | ||
And so everything becomes... | ||
And look, there's a place for it and there's for sure an audience for it. | ||
But let's not forget, like, there's executives and then there's the artists. | ||
And sometimes your goal is to make art or express yourself or be yourself versus, like, I just want to say these lines and collect a check. | ||
And it's okay to do both. | ||
You just have to be very clear on what your objective is. | ||
And when you hire someone like me, or you, you and I are not alike, but like we're both comics and we both say what we want to say, you know, I'll do campaigns I get hired for and, you know, they write these lame lines and I'm like, you can hire a much more attractive girl to do this. | ||
You can hire a model. | ||
You hired me for a reason. | ||
I'm not going to sit here and say these hacky lines. | ||
But that's why I'm here. | ||
So, in a perfect world, we carve out a space for ourselves where it's expected that we be ourselves. | ||
Yeah, and the problem with television has always been that there's a bunch of people whose jobs depend on you, and it's their sort of goal to make sure that you don't go too far. | ||
Because if you go too far, you say something too crazy, or you say something that's going to piss people off, the show could get canceled, and then they're all out of a job, and then they're mad at you. | ||
Sure. | ||
And I'm like, yeah, okay, maybe you're mad, but guess what? | ||
The whole reason this exists was because of the ability to say crazy shit. | ||
It's like Chris Rock's joke, like, the tiger didn't go crazy, the tiger went tiger. | ||
Like, you brought in a comic. | ||
You're lucky that I'm sober. | ||
Like, it's so little is expected of us. | ||
People are like, wow, she came, she knew her lines. | ||
I'm like, yeah! | ||
Like, you're lucky, like, when you hire a comic, you don't know if we're gonna bite you. | ||
Right. | ||
Well, what we're used to doing, the open-endedness of clubs... | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
You know, you're showing up, ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Eliza! | ||
And you get on stage and there's not a fucking, there's no direction. | ||
Nothing. | ||
There's just you and an audience and you got a mic and you're talking shit and you're just saying crazy stuff and it's all, you're producing it, you're directing it, you're writing it. | ||
It's like Thunderdome. | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
Like there's no you build this career off of saying the things that you say and people agreeing. | ||
And then, of course, if you're too loud, people like you're just a comic. | ||
You can't have an opinion. | ||
I'm like, what the fuck do you think this is? | ||
My act is all my opinions that you were fine with until you disagreed. | ||
Intelligent people can separate the difference of opinion from I get a lot of people that are like, I don't agree with you, but you're funny. | ||
And I'm like, that's an evolved human. | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
There's people that are healthy. | ||
There's a couple. | ||
They can take it. | ||
But comedy clubs are like, when you start out in those, safety is not a concern. | ||
People forget how to act. | ||
I mean, I've dumped drinks on people. | ||
I have dumped bowls of popcorn on people. | ||
unidentified
|
Why? | |
For being disrespectful. | ||
Oh. | ||
You're a 26-year-old girl. | ||
Some fuckhead in the front is, like, texting or talking to you. | ||
I've dumped a drink, like, with no thought of repercussion. | ||
I've been like, get the fuck out. | ||
Like, what are you gonna do? | ||
It's so dumb, and it's not a good idea, but sometimes you just see red. | ||
Yeah. | ||
And you're like, I gotta do something. | ||
It's a bad idea. | ||
I don't endorse it. | ||
Don't dump drinks on people. | ||
I've had two people throw drinks at me at the comedy store. | ||
That's horrible. | ||
Yeah. | ||
That's horrible. | ||
Yeah, two different times. | ||
From the back or like in the front? | ||
One guy from the side, like I'm standing there, he was he was ruining the whole, him and his, I think it was his sons. | ||
It was a guy and his two sons. | ||
And they were probably there to see you. | ||
I don't think so. | ||
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
No, this is the early days. | ||
And he threw a drink. | ||
They were just, they were ruining the whole show and I started mocking them and they couldn't handle it. | ||
They couldn't handle it. | ||
And then they got mad. | ||
He got up and threw a drink. | ||
I'm like, oh you pussy. | ||
That's so fucked. | ||
I've been put that! | ||
I think it was Tammy Pescatelli. | ||
It's your biggest nightmare that somebody throws something. | ||
You can't see. | ||
You can't see. | ||
People don't realize we can't see past the first couple rows. | ||
It's just a sea of dark. | ||
And it's this tacit agreement that we're all there to do no harm. | ||
Right. | ||
And so I'm shocked it doesn't happen more. | ||
Well, those are the days where the comedy store had no crowd control. | ||
People don't know that at one point in time the comedy store literally had no doorman. | ||
There was no one working there but comics. | ||
And, you know, you'd have like these feeble kids who are on the spectrum who are supposed to like kick people out. | ||
Right. | ||
And they weigh 120 pounds. | ||
Like some alt comics. | ||
Yeah, that's exactly what it is. | ||
Massive social anxiety. | ||
You got Josh Martin trying to kick people out. | ||
He doesn't want to do it. | ||
He doesn't want to do it. | ||
I don't want to be here. | ||
Yeah, he just wants to tell jokes. | ||
To this day, most of the doormen are comics. | ||
These are gentle souls. | ||
Yeah, but they hired when... | ||
There's some bigger dudes there now. | ||
When Eric started managing, they brought in some actual bouncers. | ||
unidentified
|
Larger. | |
They brought in some real legitimate bodyguard type dudes. | ||
You gotta have just some large mounds of flesh. | ||
Yeah. | ||
There. | ||
You just can't let assholes overrun shows. | ||
And most of the time it's not the case. | ||
But the one time when the guy threw a drink at me, that was one of the two times, that was a guy who just had taken over the show. | ||
Him and his two sons, they were just drunk assholes and they had taken over the show. | ||
And you as a comic, you're like, at least I feel this responsibility to, not at a comic, I mean, at your own show, I feel a responsibility to the people who paid, in some cases, a lot of money for this experience. | ||
And this guy's ruining it. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Well, that's how you can't work. | ||
I mean, at the store in particular, you're there to work. | ||
You're there to work out some shit. | ||
So if you go on stage and you're trying to work out some new bit and some guy's yelling at you, calling you a homo, I'm like, oh my god. | ||
This was a long time ago. | ||
Yeah, it was just him and his sons. | ||
Every now and then, that's the weird thing about life, where people say, why do you need a gun? | ||
Why do you need a dog? | ||
Why do you need security? | ||
Why do you need this? | ||
Most of the time, you don't. | ||
You're right. | ||
Most of the time, you don't. | ||
But it's not about most of the time. | ||
It's about that one time. | ||
That's the whole argument for insurance. | ||
Right. | ||
Or healthcare. | ||
Yeah, or stocking food in your house. | ||
Sure. | ||
That's a conversation I have, yeah. | ||
It's a good thing to have. | ||
LA, you never know when that fucking grid's going to go. | ||
It happened to us recently. | ||
The whole neighborhood. | ||
Some idiot on Mulholland hit a pole, which I can't believe this doesn't happen more often because the brilliant people of our neighborhood voted to remove a stop sign. | ||
They could go real fast. | ||
And this woman hit a pole and it knocked out power for thousands of people. | ||
And all I wanted was her name. | ||
All I want, just like, who is it? | ||
And as a woman, I'm like, crap, it's a woman. | ||
But like, how is it that's a dangerous turn? | ||
Nobody has ever hit that pole except for you, which means it's on you. | ||
It's not the road. | ||
And it was like five days of nothing. | ||
Oh boy. | ||
So we had to go and buy all the things and now we have them. | ||
You got a generator? | ||
We're getting a generator. | ||
We've got bricks for the phone. | ||
Our neighbor had one, but he's not cool. | ||
unidentified
|
He's not? | |
He could hear it the whole time, and you're like, oh. | ||
You could hear his generator going, and he's an asshole? | ||
He's not, I don't know if he's just, not cool is the word. | ||
I don't know if he's an asshole, but I didn't think he'd, I don't know him well enough to be like, can I sell me your power for my curling iron? | ||
unidentified
|
I gotta curl these hairs. | |
Gotta go somewhere. | ||
The power is so fucking feeble. | ||
I mean, it's so powerful in that it, you know, controls everything in the city and we all rely on it. | ||
We use it every day and it's amazing. | ||
We're using it right now, but it's so fragile. | ||
So fragile. | ||
Especially LA. We all have our heads down. | ||
We live there. | ||
You're paying all this money. | ||
Of course, you know that. | ||
And you're losing most of your money to taxes. | ||
And you're living in multi-million dollar houses. | ||
And the phone lines, the power lines are from the 50s. | ||
I saw a picture of Kim Kardashian the other day and she's posing in her outfit in front of like a Maserati but behind her is like archaic electrical work because that's what we put up with you got a four million dollar house and there's just spider wires coming out the top like that's not a fire hazard and we all it's just normal to us that like none of the cables run underground yeah it's true it's what you put up with you're like well it's LA Some places have cables that run underground. | ||
Some? | ||
Yeah. | ||
Out where I used to live had cables that were underground. | ||
It was nicer. | ||
You didn't have to stare at those fucking poles and those lines overhead everywhere. | ||
Connecting all of our houses, running across. | ||
When I grew up, you'd have streets and there's trees and now there's just cables that run across in nice neighborhoods and nobody questions it. | ||
Yeah. | ||
You ever see what happens when people let those Mylar balloons go and they run into the power lines and it blows out the whole neighborhood? | ||
Yeah, well, don't use Mylar. | ||
There's plenty of those videos out there. | ||
It's my gender reveal. | ||
All we need is one solar flare. | ||
One solar flare and it'll wipe out the whole power grid. | ||
Do we need it? | ||
But that's all we... | ||
I mean, we definitely don't. | ||
But, like, Texas, the whole grid almost went down during the winter freeze. | ||
unidentified
|
I know. | |
I think they said it was, like, four minutes away from the entire grid collapsing. | ||
I mean, talk about unprepared. | ||
My best friend lives here, and she's like, yeah, we have no drinkable water. | ||
And then, like, the next day, it was 80. Yeah. | ||
That's... | ||
I'm from here, and it's one of, like, the big sources of pride is, like, you don't like the weather. | ||
Wait five minutes. | ||
Oh, oh, oh. | ||
They say it everywhere. | ||
You shouldn't be proud of your erratic global warming weather. | ||
Well, I like the weather here, the fact that it rains a lot. | ||
Things stay green. | ||
Like, California, last time I went back, it was like, everything's so fucking brown. | ||
This is California. | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
Like, if it were a sound, it's that. | ||
There's no moisture in the air. | ||
There's no moisture in the air, which is great if your hair curls, but I remember we were looking at houses, and we saw this house, and it's all green, there's bushes, and my husband was like, it doesn't look like this most of the year. | ||
Right. | ||
Like, just remember, this hillside, it does not look like Easter most of the year. | ||
Right. | ||
Yeah, you're just looking at dry brush. | ||
You got, like, two months of that a year, and the rest of it's brown. | ||
It is, I've said this before, living in L.A. is like an American Ninja Warrior course of natural disasters. | ||
unidentified
|
Right. | |
It's on fire. | ||
There's rain. | ||
We have a homeless problem no one's allowed to speak about because it makes you a bad person. | ||
We have so many fucking tents in our city. | ||
It looks like an REI showroom. | ||
It's really dumb. | ||
They're just everywhere. | ||
Do you know how much money they spend on it? | ||
unidentified
|
On what? | |
Hundreds of millions of dollars trying to fix the homelessness and it goes up every year. | ||
And the salaries of the people that are working on the homeless problem, we posted them the other day. | ||
unidentified
|
Oh yeah. | |
Six figures, all of them. | ||
Hundreds of thousands of dollars. | ||
The top end people are making like $260, $270 a year. | ||
And nothing gets fixed. | ||
And you can't speak about it because I talked about it the other day and people were like, how dare you ridicule them? | ||
I'm like, I'm not. | ||
It was just like a fan. | ||
I was like, I'm talking about the problem. | ||
That's my job. | ||
But it is this like, who can out-liberal, out-woke, like how dare you mention the homeless? | ||
Excuse me, the unhoused? | ||
Yeah, you should lose everything. | ||
I'm like, so I'm part of the problem? | ||
The unhoused. | ||
And I do feel bad and it's awful, but there does come a point where you're just like, when can we address this and have a productive conversation? | ||
They don't have a solution and they keep throwing money on it and it keeps getting worse. | ||
And the way a friend of mine said it, he said it really, it's really wise. | ||
He goes, they're farming homeless people. | ||
He goes, you have to understand that this is an industry where they spend hundreds of millions of dollars on it. | ||
It employs a shitload of people. | ||
They have great salaries. | ||
And the homelessness never gets fixed. | ||
And if it does get fixed, those guys don't have any jobs. | ||
So, like, where's the incentive? | ||
There's no incentive to fix the homelessness entirely. | ||
It's probably... | ||
You could probably argue that for almost any industry. | ||
$12 billion! | ||
$12 billion! | ||
Oh my god, they're raising the stakes. | ||
California governor proposes $12 billion to house the state's homelessness. | ||
And they're like, we'll just tax teachers. | ||
That's our idea. | ||
They'll tax the shit out of everybody. | ||
Look at him. | ||
Yeah, that's rough. | ||
This orange tan. | ||
Oh my god. | ||
We're not handling things too well. | ||
Well, they're also talking about raising taxes too. | ||
46,000 housing units and expanding a program launched last year to convert motels and other properties into housing. | ||
Great! | ||
Who wants to live next to those motels? | ||
How about nobody? | ||
Well, you know, that's something that we, you know, we talk about your local elected officials and I want these solutions and we do need Better housing and lower income housing. | ||
It is so expensive. | ||
We do need solutions for regular people and people who do need help. | ||
But it is that thing where what about when you work really hard and you buy something because you want to live somewhere nice and then they put up You know, something next to you that... | ||
It's not about poor people as much as just... | ||
That's too dense. | ||
Mentally ill people. | ||
Or like a very hilly area, like Laurel Canyon, where it's already hard to get out, and they're going to put more there. | ||
So you think about fire plans and escapes and things like that, and it's just... | ||
You're like, what about what I agreed to purchase and the vision for that? | ||
And so there has to be a kind solution, and there has to be a way to talk about this without canceling people for being nervous. | ||
Yeah, well, it's people that it doesn't affect that they take that opportunity to virtue signal. | ||
They take that opportunity to let you know how terrible you are to not be accommodating to the unhoused. | ||
No matter what else you do in your life, you're a really bad person. | ||
Our society is all about like a flash of a moment of a person and they'll kill you and they'll rake you over the coals and you're like, really? | ||
Because my whole life has been about charity. | ||
They're like, well, one time you passed someone who needed something. | ||
You're evil to the unhoused. | ||
I have a friend who lives in the Upper West Side in New York, and they put a bunch of homeless people into a hotel up there and said, it is a fucking steaming disaster instantaneously. | ||
He goes, you just got people shitting on the street in front of the place, shooting up right there on the street. | ||
And he's like, instantaneously the street changed. | ||
And now people are just moving out and trying to... | ||
Find people to buy their place and just trying to get the fuck out of there and trying to figure out what to do about it. | ||
It's so complex. | ||
And even as I'm sitting here, I'm like, oh God, the DMs I'm going to get from people who also don't live in a city like Los Angeles. | ||
You know, you can have this cognitive dissonance of having compassion and wanting to solve something and also wanting to address it and have your own opinion about it. | ||
Or you could do what I did and just flee. | ||
Okay, cool. | ||
You have a lot of money. | ||
And you have a podcast. | ||
It seems like the time to flee. | ||
Someone said something. | ||
They wrote an article about me, Elon and me, saying we were cowards for not staying and fighting to make LA a better place. | ||
You're still Americans. | ||
You didn't turncoat on the country. | ||
You just left a state. | ||
Well, they were saying that, you know, you should try to fix L.A. instead of abandoning it. | ||
I'm like, you can't fix that place. | ||
It's broken inherently. | ||
It's broken in structure, in the people. | ||
You know what? | ||
I'm glad you brought up that you left because... | ||
I got a take on this. | ||
I have a hot take on this. | ||
I believe there are echelons of success and when people... | ||
So like you picked up and you moved, right? | ||
You made so much money from, you know, your deal and you rightfully want to keep a lot of that because of taxes and I totally get that. | ||
But especially when you have a podcast and when you are in control, like you can do UFC, you do the podcast and then you set a third thing. | ||
These are things that can be done remotely. | ||
You don't need to be in L.A. | ||
You're not a movie producer. | ||
You don't want to be an actor. | ||
I found out when I tried to get you to be in my movie. | ||
And you don't like that's not you know, you don't want to write movies. | ||
So that part of the hustle is not your in your purview. | ||
Right. | ||
So you can do whatever you want to do remotely. | ||
If I if if you want to have a podcast, you can do it from anywhere. | ||
If you want to be a comic who travels, you can do it from anywhere. | ||
And I think people... | ||
You have to pay those dues in Hollywood if you are trying to do something. | ||
And part of living there is the difficulty of raising your family, of making a living. | ||
This is why it's so hard to make it. | ||
And I think a lot of people before they've made it think, well, I'll just move, but I'll still be in the industry. | ||
And that's a gamble. | ||
What I give up by living there, I get back in meeting a producer at a restaurant, taking that meeting in person, having that audition in person. | ||
So you can get to a place where you go, but there's a group that's still in that fight and haven't gotten to that next level. | ||
And then there's the people below that that are like, you weren't having much success, so you decided to leave. | ||
And all these decisions are okay. | ||
But I can think of a comic off the top of my head who was like, I'm going to leave LA, I'll come back whenever, but I'm going to do my podcast from like a remote location. | ||
And you lose the connection to Hollywood. | ||
You cannot have both. | ||
Because that's not how it's designed. | ||
If you want to do that, if you want to act and you want to do that, especially acting, that's the spot to be for sure. | ||
Only just to be in it, not to get complacent. | ||
Yes, if you're someone like a Tom Segura or a Sebastian, I guess I could do it too. | ||
You could live somewhere else because you're touring so much, right? | ||
But if you're not at this level where you're playing these theaters and you're making all this money... | ||
You want to be somewhere where you have access to as many opinions as possible and you're performing like the comedy store is great because you have a different audience every night from all over. | ||
And so I think people don't want to admit that and they want this easy life of oh I've moved to Austin which is fantastic but it's not the same grind. | ||
And these cities New York and LA produce entertainment because of that hustle. | ||
And it doesn't mean you can't hustle elsewhere but you have to be very clear about what it is you want to get out of this career. | ||
Yeah, if you're trying to do acting, there's really one place to live. | ||
I mean, maybe you can kind of live in New York. | ||
And you could do Austin or Nashville. | ||
You could get bit parts, but there's nothing to be said for hand-to-hand combat of meeting a director, meeting other actors, and being in the thick of it. | ||
And you sacrifice having your kids grow up around normal people and not having a headache all the time by living in L.A. The thing about this place as opposed to LA though, for stand-up, if someone wants to be a real stand-up comic, you could do it here. | ||
And you could do it here, I think, in a better way because you're not connected to the system. | ||
The problem with being connected to the system is there's a lot of actors that are also doing stand-up or stand-up who are also acting and they kind of... | ||
Morph their personality to the fit woke Hollywood, you know, and there's there's a concern saying certain things on stage is a concern with your ability to express yourself freely I There's always going to be actors who dabble. | ||
And there's always going to be people who decide to do stand-up later or take it as like a third career. | ||
I think it depends on what you want to get out of this. | ||
Some people do stand-up as a stepping stone, but I don't agree with you because the market dictates. | ||
You could be saying whatever you want out here and it just doesn't fly in several other states. | ||
You can find your audience and if you can create a living, then it doesn't matter. | ||
But whether your goal is to be discovered as an actor or to have your don't tread on me freedom of speech, at the end of the day, if people buy your tickets, then you win. | ||
What I'm saying is that you can be connected to a different industry out here. | ||
This industry of podcast. | ||
Segura's out here. | ||
I'm out here. | ||
Tim Dillon, I think, has moved back to LA. I don't think he found the right amount of fellows out here. | ||
Plus, he's moving. | ||
Tim bought a house in the fucking middle of nowhere. | ||
I don't understand why he did that. | ||
But this is not his cup of tea. | ||
But for me, there's plenty of clubs, plenty of places to work out. | ||
There's plenty of podcasts. | ||
For you. | ||
Yeah. | ||
You're already you. | ||
Yeah, I'm already me. | ||
But for young comics, I'm thinking this is a good spot, too. | ||
unidentified
|
Sure. | |
Because I think it's a good place to develop. | ||
Yeah, you can... | ||
I mean, that also comes down to, like, are you a good comic? | ||
You can develop anywhere. | ||
You can move somewhere. | ||
It depends on your goal. | ||
And if you just want to be a touring comic, that's cool, too. | ||
And people, you know, it's cream rises to the top. | ||
Yeah, for sure, everywhere. | ||
But I think for comics today, the focus should be on podcasts and stand-up. | ||
I mean, doing a television show, if that's your thing... | ||
But if you want the best promotional vehicle for you, I think it's podcast. | ||
When you look at what Tom and Christina have been able to do with your mom's house, what Kreischer's been able to do, what Whitney's been able to do, what all these different people that have successful podcasts and it's sort of accelerated their stand-up comedy outside of the podcast, I think it's the best promotional vehicle for comics. | ||
You're literally citing four people because I think it works. | ||
I keep going. | ||
I think it works for- There's a lot of other ones. | ||
Theo, Bobby Lee. | ||
These comics- Santino. | ||
These comics were already on their way up, and that helps for sure. | ||
But for every one of those, there's so many comics that have a podcast. | ||
And by the way... | ||
It's the Wild West. | ||
You could start a podcast and it could just take off like wildfire. | ||
You don't know. | ||
But I know plenty of comics who have that podcast. | ||
They don't fill a theater. | ||
Right. | ||
They don't fill a club. | ||
They probably, first of all, haven't been doing it that long. | ||
unidentified
|
Nope. | |
If they have been doing it that long, they're not that good at it. | ||
Disagree. | ||
We could talk about, I'm not going to say names. | ||
What do you mean disagree? | ||
I disagree. | ||
Do you think they're good at it? | ||
No, there are, well, there's so many names that we could throw out there where I'm like, yeah, you got that podcast and you spend time on that, but you probably should spend more time on crafting actual jokes because at the end of the day, what you want are ticket sales. | ||
Yeah, for sure. | ||
And if you're going to try to translate that, you better have that full solid hour. | ||
Not a half hour jerking off. | ||
No, you have to have that too. | ||
You have to have both. | ||
But my point is that it's like everything else. | ||
The amount of focus and time that you put into it is directly reflected by the result. | ||
And some people half-ass their podcast just like they half-ass their stand-up. | ||
There's that. | ||
I mean, it's all about your 10,000 hours. | ||
And I think if you have a base, like if you had a massive podcast and you started doing stand-up, it might not translate over. | ||
But if you were massive in stand-up and you had a podcast and it wasn't as great, the results wouldn't be as dire. | ||
Because most of us do have podcasts. | ||
But it is like, where are you going to put in those 10,000 hours? | ||
How often do you do yours? | ||
I do it once a week. | ||
Yeah. | ||
And I really enjoy doing it, but I really enjoy writing movies, and I enjoy all the other things, and so... | ||
But you've always enjoyed variety. | ||
You've always enjoyed doing a bunch of different shit. | ||
I like art. | ||
I like challenging myself. | ||
I would do a play on Venus, if that's what we could... | ||
Like, the next thing, and I just... | ||
Have you ever thought about doing a one-woman show? | ||
Who hasn't? | ||
I mean, isn't... | ||
I actually think my stand-up is very similar. | ||
You haven't. | ||
You don't want to do a one-woman show. | ||
No. | ||
Maybe I should. | ||
Women always flash in a one-woman show. | ||
It's always like, and now, my breasts. | ||
It's always like an art school thing. | ||
You know who's got a great one-woman show? | ||
Giannis Papas. | ||
You know Giannis' character? | ||
I know who Giannis is, but I don't know. | ||
He has this female character that he does. | ||
It's hilarious. | ||
What is she supposed to be? | ||
We can't hear you when you're talking like that. | ||
I just saw him do it the other day. | ||
He has a whole Instagram account for her. | ||
You've never seen it? | ||
I've never seen it. | ||
It's fucking hilarious. | ||
unidentified
|
I've never seen it. | |
Is she supposed to be Puerto Rican? | ||
What is she supposed to be? | ||
She's some ethnic lady. | ||
No, no, no, no, no, no. | ||
It's a crazy ethnic lady. | ||
Mauricio Rodriguez. | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
Okay, definitely not Greek. | ||
You've never seen this? | ||
Oh my god. | ||
You've never seen this? | ||
Oh, she's terrible looking. | ||
That's what Giannis looks like. | ||
unidentified
|
That's hilarious, yeah, yeah. | |
How dare you? | ||
Give me some volume. | ||
unidentified
|
That stimmy check on all new outfits. | |
I'm telling you, as soon as that Joe Biden check came through, I called them just Biden dollars. | ||
You know how they got Bitcoin now? | ||
They got Dogecoin. | ||
They got America coin. | ||
They got Superman coin. | ||
They got Pinocchio coin. | ||
They got all those different types of coins. | ||
I tried to take those to the store. | ||
I said, hey, look, I don't have any money right now. | ||
Can I pay you in Dogecoin? | ||
And they said, well, this is not the best version. | ||
I was going to say, it's cool. | ||
unidentified
|
It's cool that you like that. | |
That's right. | ||
This is great. | ||
I can look it up on my own time. | ||
That's the best example. | ||
How many followers? | ||
35,000. | ||
Oh, okay. | ||
You don't even follow it. | ||
I just found it. | ||
unidentified
|
Well, maybe because that's what the clips are. | |
Yeah, I don't know about that clip. | ||
Cool, cool, cool. | ||
That sucks when you tell someone something's funny and then the clip you jump on is just... | ||
Just wait till this ad plays. | ||
Next clip. | ||
Do you need context? | ||
You need to know where they're coming from? | ||
unidentified
|
Cool. | |
Yeah, that whole man playing a woman thing. | ||
How many guys have done that, right? | ||
It's kind of almost never not funny. | ||
And I think about it a lot. | ||
A dude dressed as his girlfriend, especially when he's a guy and he puts on heels, it's always funny. | ||
But when girls dress like guys, it's not as funny to me. | ||
And this isn't about a drag thing or a gender thing. | ||
This is for pure comedy. | ||
You're talking about Ellen? | ||
Just like when girls dress up like guys and try to skewer it, I guess because men are so... | ||
They're not vulnerable in the way women are. | ||
And so I think about that. | ||
I'm like, why isn't it as funny? | ||
And don't at me because your improv troupe is all girls and you dress up like guys. | ||
Men don't care if you make fun of them. | ||
And that's why it isn't funny. | ||
Women, it's like, oh my god, he was making fun of them. | ||
We all do this voice. | ||
Now, you know, he was making fun of my weight. | ||
I'm like, we do talk about that. | ||
We do like little bites. | ||
unidentified
|
We do that. | |
And guys were like, I don't fucking care. | ||
Yeah, I'm fat. | ||
Big fucking deal. | ||
So when you're almost infallible, at least you present that way, I think that's why it doesn't go the other way. | ||
It's funny to... | ||
Yeah, it just doesn't... | ||
I don't know. | ||
There's got to be some girls who have done a male character that's hilarious. | ||
I'm not talking like Kate McKinnon, who's so brilliant, like an SNL thing. | ||
I'm talking like just... | ||
If you went out and you put on heels and a dress and you came in and you were like, Hi, I'm Joanna. | ||
It's just funny. | ||
Some people would think it's offensive. | ||
Well, not me. | ||
And if I came in and I was just like, I'm Joe Rogan, they'd be like, okay, why are you making fun of him? | ||
Like, it just kind of for some reason doesn't flow the other way. | ||
Someone's closed-minded. | ||
There's always exceptions to the rule. | ||
I'm getting a little closed-mindedness out of Eliza. | ||
That's me. | ||
That's my new podcast. | ||
I'm opening it here in Austin. | ||
It's called Closed-Minded? | ||
It's called Clothes-Minded. | ||
And we talk about fashion and boys who wear the fashion but look bad. | ||
Whatever. | ||
Whatever. | ||
So you're going to Alabama, you said, from here? | ||
I am. | ||
What are you doing in Alabama? | ||
I'm going to do stand-up. | ||
Some farming. | ||
Crazy. | ||
Some stand-up. | ||
I'm going to do Birmingham and Huntington. | ||
Nope. | ||
That's one place I don't think I've ever done stand-up. | ||
I'm thinking about it. | ||
Like, have I ever done stand-up in Alabama? | ||
I'll report back. | ||
I don't know if I have. | ||
I think it's going to be great. | ||
I'm pumped. | ||
I think my audiences are great everywhere and I'm pumped to go there. | ||
People travel to see you. | ||
Yes, it's nice. | ||
They probably live in some sane area. | ||
They all came from Santa Barbara. | ||
They bus in. | ||
I'll take it. | ||
I love having a working knowledge of my country. | ||
That's a good way to put it. | ||
Yeah, and I like synthesizing. | ||
I don't want anyone to feel bad for the way they believe unless you're a horrible person. | ||
But I like having a meeting of the minds at the shows where nobody feels bad for who they are while still pointing out what's wrong with everyone. | ||
But yeah, Alabama. | ||
I flew into Austin just to do this. | ||
Yeah. | ||
I didn't want to zoom in. | ||
Yeah, zooming sucks. | ||
I didn't want to. | ||
It's useless. | ||
It's just, it's enough. | ||
It's got something to it, but it's just not the same as being in a room with somebody. | ||
It's not the same. | ||
Nope. | ||
And so I was just like, this is beyond worth it. | ||
And so here I am. | ||
So you made a movie about the story that you told on the podcast about a guy who pretended that he was from Yale and then you found out later in your relationship that he was not and he was completely full of shit. | ||
Yeah, I told that story on your podcast a couple years ago, and I was trying to think if that was the first time I'd ever been on your podcast in this iteration, like as the huge Joe Rogan Experience podcast. | ||
I couldn't remember if I'd been on it before, prior to that. | ||
I think you had. | ||
I think so too. | ||
But I think, I was like, that would be the perfect bookend to this story, because the first time I told it in its totality was here. | ||
And then, here I am and I've made this movie. | ||
It's such a crazy story. | ||
The fact that the guy, that that really was what he was doing, he was just completely lying about his background and who he was. | ||
But it worked for a little while. | ||
Well, you know, I remember when I told the story, and of course the feedback's all like, you're a dumb bitch. | ||
What's wrong? | ||
unidentified
|
Why is there a woman talking about anything? | |
And so I was just like, okay, I gotta be careful in the way that I parse out this narrative. | ||
And my answer is, you know, there's red flags that we're taught to think about. | ||
You know, you're walking down the street in New York City and someone gives you a look, you got red flags, right? | ||
You're at a... | ||
You're doing a business deal, there's red flags. | ||
In a relationship, you know, because of music and TV, we're all thought to think about cheating, right? | ||
And lying in that way. | ||
I meet you randomly, and in the first five minutes, I'm like, where'd you go to school? | ||
What do you do... | ||
I don't want to be the kind of person that has a radar up. | ||
Because these weren't lies like, I'm the king of Spain. | ||
I have a fleet of yachts at my disposal. | ||
It was like I went to Yale, just like my cousin did, and I do hedge funds. | ||
Like, okay. | ||
Normal. | ||
Normal. | ||
And that's how these kind of people get by. | ||
And so, these weren't things. | ||
You met this guy on a plane, right? | ||
An airplane. | ||
An airplane. | ||
As if there's a different... | ||
Just a grassy plane. | ||
Specifically an airplane. | ||
So you were heading to a gig, he was sitting next to you? | ||
I was coming over Thanksgiving. | ||
Oh. | ||
I was just, my family, some of them were on the East Coast, and I, my big thing as a, like, I always, my whole career, I spend the money on the travel. | ||
Like, that's a great investment. | ||
Like, buy that first class ticket. | ||
I mean, you travel so much, I'm like, that's where the money goes. | ||
And you're usually sitting next to someone who looks like your dad in first class. | ||
It's seldom that I... And this was... | ||
I was probably 29 at the time. | ||
28, 29. Seldom you're sitting next to someone around your age. | ||
You know? | ||
And here's a guy. | ||
And so we just start talking because we're around the same age. | ||
And we just got along. | ||
Super... | ||
He was funny. | ||
He was dorky but smart. | ||
Like, just a cool guy. | ||
And I... He had a girlfriend and I had a boy picking me up at the airport. | ||
And I think we exchanged, like, Twitter handles. | ||
Like, this wasn't, like, a salacious, like, give me your details... | ||
And I was like, if you and your girlfriend ever want to come to a show, you know, you're a comic, you get it. | ||
Like, comedy store. | ||
I get paid the same way either way, so come on down to the store. | ||
But we became friends. | ||
And what made it easy was, when you're a comic, you keep such odd hours. | ||
Like, how many times have you eaten dinner at, like, one in the morning? | ||
And you're like, I do all for protein. | ||
I usually don't eat at night. | ||
Alright, cool. | ||
I intermittent fast too. | ||
That's what I do. | ||
unidentified
|
On it. | |
I like how you do my voice. | ||
On it. | ||
I think it's just my generic beefy guy. | ||
That could be you. | ||
unidentified
|
That could be me, bro. | |
What you don't understand is that it's just a structure within a democracy which is a man-made construct. | ||
Whoa. | ||
Is that good? | ||
It's not bad. | ||
I'd have to... | ||
That's bro talk. | ||
That's like bro politics, bro intelligent talk. | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
So what did this guy actually do? | ||
What was his actual job? | ||
He worked at a hedge fund. | ||
And, I mean, who checks that? | ||
Would a person who works at a hedge fund know the difference between a club headliner and a theater headliner? | ||
Like, there's... | ||
Okay, that sounds really boring. | ||
And whatever. | ||
I get that that's with numbers and... | ||
And money. | ||
But he went to a college. | ||
You went to a college, just not that one. | ||
Just lied about Yale. | ||
unidentified
|
Right. | |
That's what I found out way later. | ||
But he did work at a hedge fund. | ||
Yeah, but I think it was super low level. | ||
He made it like, oh, I'm starting my own business. | ||
You're 29 years old, you're sitting in a first class seat, and you're dressed like a dork. | ||
Why wouldn't I believe you? | ||
I have plenty of friends who are successful at things other than stand-up. | ||
My point was that if he just was himself, and he just said, I'm working at a hedge fund, and was the same guy, just as funny, he'd probably like him. | ||
You completely keyed in on it. | ||
The whole takeaway from the movie is all the things that he didn't lie about were the things that I actually valued the most. | ||
You cannot fake intelligence. | ||
You cannot fake sense of humor. | ||
You cannot fake wit. | ||
And he had those. | ||
He had those things. | ||
He was unattractive, which is probably a big source of his insecurity and whatever else society put on him. | ||
But that was the sad part was... | ||
I wasn't that impressed by going to a good school and having a job I've never heard of. | ||
Right. | ||
You just said, like, I went to this regular school and I do this. | ||
I still would have said, come to the comedy store. | ||
I still would have had drinks. | ||
So that's a... | ||
It's not a shame because I really am into my husband and the way that that worked out. | ||
But that's the weird... | ||
The sad part is that we put... | ||
Rather than just be good at something, someone just lied and built a whole world around it. | ||
Have you kept in touch with that guy? | ||
Oh yeah, we hang out all the time. | ||
No! | ||
Oh my god! | ||
So gross! | ||
No, I mean, he's never reached out and said, hey, I heard that story. | ||
No. | ||
Nothing? | ||
I, uh... | ||
No. | ||
How long did you date him for? | ||
Only three months. | ||
We were friends for a full year, which is why it kind... | ||
question your friends as much and here's someone that always showed up the dudes in my group like all the comics that you know that i'm friends like they've all met him like we go out drinking and my schedule is so weird so i'd be like i need to get dinner at like 11 he'd be down for it i was like great this has got a malleable schedule and we were friends for that year i have best friends in la and i've been to their apartment twice right in 15 years so So you're not checking on things because I just take it at face value where you live and stuff like that. | ||
And to be honest, the closer we became as friends, the more he was like, look, I really like you. | ||
And we would always, you know, you're in your 20s, so you're going out drinking. | ||
I never wanted to go to his house. | ||
Like, he would meet me at my condo and we would go or my friends would come over. | ||
Because I was like, there's no reason. | ||
If you know that, if I know you like me and I don't like you, there's no reason for me to go to your house. | ||
On neutral territory. | ||
I'm not afraid of my physical safety, but in terms of messaging, I think that's a little like, I don't like you, but I'll get drunk and hang out in your room. | ||
We're not doing that. | ||
I got a house. | ||
Smart. | ||
Right. | ||
And I was very honest the whole time. | ||
I'm like, I'm just not there yet, and I do go on dates. | ||
I like how you said yet, though. | ||
unidentified
|
So you're saying there's a chance. | |
I think I was just thinking about the movie. | ||
So you're saying there's a chance. | ||
Which is how guys think. | ||
Yeah. | ||
But I was very honest. | ||
Very honest. | ||
In being like, look, I... But there was a chance, because you wound up getting together with him. | ||
Yeah, but I didn't see it that way. | ||
That's like... | ||
Ah, but you get it? | ||
I mean, you're talking about an eventuality that no one could foresee. | ||
unidentified
|
Except him. | |
Because I was dating other people. | ||
Right. | ||
Right. | ||
Consistency was key. | ||
But that's why dudes will hang out in that friend zone. | ||
I hear that, and I would always say... | ||
I'm not into you. | ||
In fact, I'm going on a date tonight. | ||
But by the way, if you can't handle that and you don't want to be my friend, that's okay. | ||
I would give him these out. | ||
Right. | ||
And the truth is, I wasn't into him. | ||
We were very close as friends. | ||
And then one day he told me his mom had cancer. | ||
Oh, I remember this part. | ||
unidentified
|
Right. | |
So as a human and as a woman, you know, like there's a vulnerability. | ||
He cried probably thinking about he's probably crying about what a good liar he is. | ||
But like his mom didn't really have cancer. | ||
No. | ||
Yeah, that's what's fucked up. | ||
I remember this. | ||
And I forgot that part of it. | ||
I met her. | ||
My heart opened up. | ||
As a woman, you can become... | ||
This is my big thing. | ||
You can become attracted to a man who you are physically not attracted to because of personality. | ||
Men, it doesn't work. | ||
Joe, you've never been like, that girl is a warthog, but it turns out she's really funny, so I do want to put my mouth on hers. | ||
unidentified
|
Like, you've never in your life been like, but she's got a great personality. | |
But girls do. | ||
It's just, we're cerebral, you know, and men are very visual. | ||
And so, it was all the kindness, how smart, how funny, all this stuff. | ||
Mom got cancer, I'm like, oh my god, I need to be there for this person who's been nothing but kind to me as a human. | ||
And my heart opened up. | ||
Whatever. | ||
And I met her. | ||
It was around the holidays and so we... | ||
Yeah, because we met in November and this was... | ||
I remember I was going like Christmas craft shopping. | ||
And we met at like a craft store. | ||
And she was there. | ||
And I'd never... | ||
You know, she has cancer. | ||
And he said she was very sick, so I didn't want to be indelicate. | ||
I didn't want to be like, how's your cancer, Susan? | ||
You know? | ||
So I remember asking her, like, how are you feeling? | ||
And of course this woman's like, feeling fine. | ||
Why? | ||
Have you heard otherwise? | ||
Oh God. | ||
And we only talked for like a half hour, you know, and I remember at the time thinking like, oh, this is a guy that I really like and I, if she's gonna die, I want her to know that her son is with someone who's kind. | ||
I remember thinking that. | ||
Wow. | ||
unidentified
|
Because... | |
That's so heavy. | ||
It's so heavy. | ||
And I didn't find out that she didn't have the cancer until after I realized all the lies and I'd broken off. | ||
unidentified
|
Oh my God. | |
I ran into some mutual friends and I was like, I just, you know, he's a fucking loser. | ||
He must be literally insane. | ||
That's an insane person. | ||
He's an insane person, but also the story is so insane and you so have to tread lightly as a woman because people find fault no matter what you do. | ||
Like I remember someone saying like, well, you're a gold digger and I was like, how's that now? | ||
Like I've made a bunch of my own money since I was like 25. You can't pay attention to that. | ||
No, but it opened my eyes up to the perception just of when you tell a story that's so honest, the feedback that you get and you're like, okay, let me control this narrative. | ||
So that's why in the movie she's not some struggle. | ||
I put her as like a mostly successful to show like this doesn't like she needed anything. | ||
Right. | ||
A lot of articles are like she was so strong. | ||
It's like no no she just didn't wake up and die. | ||
I wonder what other lies that guy because that's not a guy who's done that for the first time. | ||
Like if someone's lying about their mom having cancer. | ||
Oh my god. | ||
It's such a crazy lie. | ||
Such bad karma. | ||
What bad energy to go through life like that? | ||
It's like the momentum of all those lies must be inescapable. | ||
How does one stop and become an honest person when you're lying about that many things? | ||
And intimate things like your mother, the person who gave life to you. | ||
You're lying and saying that she has cancer so that a girl will like you more. | ||
It's really insane. | ||
Super beta. | ||
Well, it's a pattern. | ||
That's a strange pattern. | ||
Because, like, what makes people lie, you know? | ||
Feeling insufficient. | ||
You know, feeling that you... | ||
And this is, for better or for worse, we hold men to a certain standard in our society. | ||
I'm not excusing this behavior. | ||
I'm just saying, you know, men who don't want to be sensitive or don't want to cry or are afraid to show vulnerability because we have this, like, macho archetype. | ||
Most women don't actually expect that. | ||
And they want you to be yourself and open up and... | ||
But we do, just as we put things on women, we do put things on men. | ||
And we don't have conversations about that. | ||
The difference is, men don't realize, like, all you gotta do is go out. | ||
I talk about this on stage. | ||
And, like, just be good at something. | ||
And there will be a girl who will, like, ride or die with you in your Toyota passenger seat. | ||
Like, that's my baby. | ||
He's the best mustache grower. | ||
unidentified
|
Like... | |
B, all these comics that we're talking about, they all fuck. | ||
Funny guys fuck. | ||
So you could just be funny. | ||
You don't have to be attractive. | ||
You could just be kind. | ||
You could just be good at, like, Magic the Gathering. | ||
There's a girl that's cool with it, but some people just think if I posture and I lie, I'll get the kind of girl I deserve. | ||
Don't you think it's also that kind of, like, financial world? | ||
Like, the financial world is very much about... | ||
Filled with sociopaths. | ||
There's a lot of that. | ||
Sure. | ||
But it's all about what kind of car do you drive? | ||
What kind of watch do you have? | ||
Where's your house? | ||
How much money are you making? | ||
How much did you make last year? | ||
What's your end goal? | ||
So those archetypes, like that patina of a person, right? | ||
Like you have to be the, what's his name, an American psycho? | ||
Yeah, Bateman. | ||
Patrick Bateman. | ||
Having to be that, and the whole movie's about that expectation. | ||
The business card, things like that. | ||
I mean, I didn't include... | ||
He told me he was in Skull and Bones. | ||
Oh, Christ. | ||
And I remember thinking, like, I don't know, that's a pretty big secret. | ||
unidentified
|
People... | |
And he invited me. | ||
He's like, I'm going to London for a reunion, like an event. | ||
Do you want to come? | ||
And I was like, sort of, but I do need my own room. | ||
Like, I'm not going to share a room with you. | ||
And then, of course, he ended up not going. | ||
Of course. | ||
But there are things where they're so out of my room, like, I am not in Skull and Bones and it seems so foreign, so you fit the bill. | ||
I guess you could be... | ||
Wouldn't you think he'd be more successful if he was in Skull and Bones? | ||
Isn't that one of those things where you're connected to all those... | ||
Well, how do you gauge how successful someone is? | ||
By their car? | ||
Because he drove a really nice car. | ||
Did he? | ||
And I never saw his house and he dressed well and spoke. | ||
Okay, so you thought he was very successful. | ||
He presented as a kid that I went to school with. | ||
But he obviously was kind of doing well if he did work for a hedge fund, right? | ||
They will let almost anyone sign a lease to a car. | ||
What kind of car was it? | ||
It was like an Audi. | ||
I couldn't tell you what kind. | ||
Was it a nice car? | ||
Yeah. | ||
Doing pretty good. | ||
I guess so. | ||
But I also wasn't so impressed. | ||
I had my own condo. | ||
You don't give a fuck anyway. | ||
If a guy had a Porsche and he lived in a mansion... | ||
My husband drives a Mazda. | ||
And I drive a Honda Civic Hybrid that I won on Last Comic Standing. | ||
Do you still have that fucking car? | ||
That's how we flex. | ||
Do you still have that fucking car? | ||
I love it. | ||
Wow. | ||
I love it. | ||
That thing must have 150,000 miles on it. | ||
I've never checked and I don't know if that's a lot. | ||
Do you change your oil at least? | ||
Someone does. | ||
I don't change my own oil. | ||
I mean, get it changed. | ||
unidentified
|
Oh, yes. | |
Yeah, I don't change mine either. | ||
It's actually at the dealership right now because I hit a curb and my bumper is very damaged. | ||
Your bumper hit a curb? | ||
I hit a curb. | ||
How's your bumper so low it hits curbs? | ||
Well, I shouldn't have been going over. | ||
That curb? | ||
Oh. | ||
We have a construction at our house and so people were parked in the driveway and I drove out over the sidewalk thinking I was on the driveway. | ||
Oops. | ||
And it went clunk, clunk. | ||
Oh, bam. | ||
And then you hit the... | ||
I get it. | ||
And it already was kind of hanging. | ||
I kick it in every couple of weeks to keep it in. | ||
I don't care. | ||
Nobody cares what I drive. | ||
unidentified
|
I know you don't care. | |
Right? | ||
So I'm not that person. | ||
unidentified
|
Right. | |
Nice cars are great. | ||
I just don't care if I have one. | ||
unidentified
|
Right. | |
I get it. | ||
Maybe one day. | ||
unidentified
|
Right. | |
And so these are, because I don't look for that in people, I don't think about it when they have it. | ||
Right. | ||
It's not impressive to you, so it's not working, like whatever image they're trying to project. | ||
Yeah, I've never... | ||
It doesn't work. | ||
It doesn't, you know, and I... The kids I grew up with, a lot of them are doctors and lawyers, so it's not like I came from bad circumstances and no one I know is successful. | ||
It is kind of interesting that you have made all this money and you've done so well and yet you still drive that shitty fucking car. | ||
It's not shitty. | ||
It's got leather and it's a hybrid. | ||
You sound like Brody Stevens. | ||
Leather exterior. | ||
Leather exterior and engine. | ||
Five speed and reverse. | ||
818 in the mileage. | ||
I'm speeding in reverse! | ||
I drove my husband's car the other day and the brake is so sensitive. | ||
AKA a normal brake. | ||
Because my brake, you gotta really push on it with both feet. | ||
Yeah, you need new brakes. | ||
I need new brake packs. | ||
We need a lot of things. | ||
You don't want to buy a new car? | ||
You don't have this desire? | ||
Is there something you like about driving this car that you want on Last Comic Standing? | ||
It's actually why I'm here. | ||
I need to borrow some money. | ||
I'll give you some money. | ||
No, it's... | ||
I try to do what I can for the environment. | ||
It is a hybrid. | ||
I don't drive very far very often. | ||
It's an electric car if you really want to help out. | ||
I don't know that getting rid of a car that works fine just to buy an electric one, and I don't know that those batteries are... | ||
I think there's a whole discussion, but I have a car that works fine. | ||
It's not about Last Comic Standing. | ||
It's just about, like, why give it... | ||
No one's going to want to fuck me harder if I have a pink G-Wagon. | ||
You never met my friends. | ||
Are they hot? | ||
I'm fucking down. | ||
They're only fucking people with pink G-wagons. | ||
I gotta get to the comedy store and my assistant drives me. | ||
I just don't think... | ||
There are a lot of superficial things that I do think about. | ||
Like what? | ||
Like being tanned for events. | ||
Because people will be like, you're so pale. | ||
I'm like, what about this dress? | ||
unidentified
|
You're so pale. | |
Do you get fake tanned or do the real tan? | ||
You gotta get a spray tan. | ||
Gotta. | ||
Yeah, you gotta get a real tan and get sick. | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
Get melanoma. | ||
Is that what happens? | ||
I mean, tanning is not a good thing to do. | ||
Is it good to get vitamin D in your skin? | ||
Then you're doing it wrong. | ||
What? | ||
I thought it was a dick joke. | ||
Ignore it. | ||
I do a spray tan. | ||
It's organic. | ||
Oh, it's organic. | ||
It's organic. | ||
You just do it so that the comments are about your outfit, not, hey, Casper. | ||
It doesn't hurt my feelings, but it's like, let's not focus on the purple skin. | ||
I get it. | ||
That's a superficial thing. | ||
I like nice things. | ||
But, I mean, this is how I'm dressed today. | ||
Like, I don't... | ||
Yeah. | ||
It takes a lot to put on... | ||
Especially if you get your hair and makeup done a lot. | ||
You don't want to have to do it when you don't have to do it. | ||
I get it. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Yeah. | ||
I get it. | ||
You're on camera. | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
But just most people that do as well as you do... | ||
Yeah. | ||
...have some rewards. | ||
I have a nice house. | ||
Yeah. | ||
I have a nice house that I've... | ||
We kind of renovated. | ||
I have a dog... | ||
She gets whatever she wants. | ||
You got a rescue dog that you got from a Chinese, one of them dog farms where they're farming them for food. | ||
No, but she has a Chinese rescue. | ||
But they were going to eat her. | ||
Hers wasn't. | ||
I thought she was. | ||
But she had the thing around her nose. | ||
She was just found in a bush. | ||
Somebody just, to be cruel, tied a wire around her mouth and threw her in a bush. | ||
Oh, God. | ||
And she was like starving. | ||
So, look, the dog is not smart. | ||
I just let her have whatever she wants. | ||
Really? | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
Aw, she's a sweetie. | ||
She's a sweet baby. | ||
I buy... | ||
I spend money on quality things. | ||
I don't like a ton of material things. | ||
I don't collect things. | ||
I don't... | ||
You spend it on airline travel. | ||
You spend it on hotels. | ||
unidentified
|
I get it. | |
You spend it on the people in your life. | ||
And like nice jeans. | ||
Nice jeans. | ||
I wear like two things. | ||
I get it. | ||
So... | ||
Listen, that's you. | ||
unidentified
|
That's me, baby. | |
I'm not trying to change you. | ||
No. | ||
I just think that car is a piece of shit. | ||
You should probably get rid of it. | ||
Do you really think that or do you just think it's an old car? | ||
Honda makes a great car. | ||
They're awesome. | ||
Listen, one of my favorite cars I've ever had was a Honda. | ||
I had a Honda NSX. I had two of them, in fact. | ||
I don't even know what that is. | ||
Isn't that a band? | ||
NSX. Isn't that a sex cult? | ||
NXS? No. | ||
Right. | ||
What is that one? | ||
NXXM. NXXM. Which I thought was a skincare company. | ||
Or like a vitamin company. | ||
I didn't see that documentary. | ||
unidentified
|
Did you see it? | |
I saw it on the plane last week and it was so good that I went home and bought the last two episodes to finish it. | ||
What is it called? | ||
Nixxium. | ||
How do you say it? | ||
Sex Cult for the Stars. | ||
Nixxium. | ||
It's like NX. It's all Roman numerals. | ||
Yeah. | ||
There's multiple documentaries about it. | ||
But the big one. | ||
This is the one where the actress lady who was on that show, what was the show? | ||
She went to jail. | ||
They were branding people, right? | ||
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
The Vow. | ||
That's what it's called? | ||
The Vow? | ||
There's one called The Vow. | ||
There's a lot of footage. | ||
Which is the one that you watched? | ||
I think it's The One. | ||
On HBO? The One? | ||
India Oxenberg is the girl that produced it, and it's about her. | ||
So if it's that one, I think it's called The Vow. | ||
That's called Seduced. | ||
Okay, what did I watch? | ||
I'm telling you, there's a couple of them around. | ||
Okay, now I've got to watch The Vow to get a full perspective. | ||
Yeah, you want to make sure you're balanced in your cult viewing. | ||
But the guy, Richard, whatever his name was, that ran it, not dissimilar to the main character in that you just lie, and you're charming, And you get people to believe you. | ||
There's a documentary about a cult that was out here called Holy Hell that I watched. | ||
I think I saw that. | ||
It's so depressing. | ||
It always comes down to some weird sex thing. | ||
Always. | ||
unidentified
|
Always. | |
This guy was giving these men in the cult, straight men, air quotes, therapy, and then he would charge them money, he would charge them like 50 bucks, and he would fuck them. | ||
God. | ||
It's like... | ||
So like regular therapy. | ||
He just had like the ultimate scam going. | ||
50 bucks a pop, that's it? | ||
That's what he charged them. | ||
But he would fuck them. | ||
And then on top of that, I guess they were giving him money. | ||
Because in this one, same thing, and no spoilers, but the main girl, when she's narrating this, she was like, the guy in charge, you know, you'd have to work through things. | ||
Like in Scientology, you're always like working through what's blocking you. | ||
She was not attracted to him, but he would like go down on her and he'd be like, if this is bothering you, you've got to work through it. | ||
Like he would have sex with her, like if you're hating this. | ||
You have to work through it. | ||
Telling her, like, it's something in you, like, this is all therapy, and she did it. | ||
Now, let me ask you this. | ||
Like, when someone in a cult like that gets arrested, right? | ||
They got arrested, right? | ||
Like, people went to jail. | ||
What'd they go to jail for? | ||
What were they doing? | ||
So, in the documentary I watched, the mom, like, rescued the daughter, and they had to build a case, so it was, like... | ||
Racketeering, money laundering, intention to traffic, trafficking, any charge that they could bring down. | ||
Because when you really look at it, it's like these people were here and they're adults on their own volition. | ||
There's a whole precedent, I think, that had been set by brainwashing, malintent, and stuff like that. | ||
So it was a lot of little charges, and they had to work with the federales in Mexico to bring this guy back. | ||
Oh, because he went to Mexico. | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
So this guy who is in Austin, he went to Hawaii and he runs the cult now in Hawaii. | ||
I think I saw this one. | ||
This is not the yoga one though, right? | ||
Well, he's like a dancer. | ||
Yes, I did see this. | ||
And he's weird looking. | ||
Yeah, freaky. | ||
And he got freaky as he got older because he started doing plastic surgery and weird shit. | ||
I totally saw that. | ||
But the thing is, there's no charges against him. | ||
It's tough. | ||
Yeah, but it's one of those things like... | ||
My point is, what's the difference between someone like that, who gets a bunch of people to give him money and has a cult and gives guys therapy and fucks them, versus someone like some midnight evangelist type character? | ||
What do you got there? | ||
Candy? | ||
It's not an Onnit product, so I'm trying to eat it. | ||
We have a lot of Onnit products here if we want some. | ||
You can throw that away and I'll get you some real food. | ||
unidentified
|
What do you have? | |
I looked at the vending machine by having this. | ||
What is that, a candy bar or is it a protein bar? | ||
No, it's one of those just egg whites, peanuts, dates. | ||
Oh, I love those. | ||
Those are great. | ||
I just needed a bite. | ||
Yeah. | ||
unidentified
|
Go ahead. | |
No worries. | ||
Don't feel bad. | ||
But my point was like, why is it that some people... | ||
You can get away with being a late-night evangelist. | ||
You're obviously lying to people. | ||
You're ripping people off. | ||
You're pretending you're healing folks. | ||
You're making people talk in tongues. | ||
They're fine, and they're tax-free. | ||
But then some people come along, and then they arrest them. | ||
I'm always like, well, what? | ||
Like, this guy tricked guys into giving them money, giving them 50 bucks, and he would give them therapy, and fuck them. | ||
I think embarrassment is the difference. | ||
I think there's an embarrassment. | ||
I think there's a tangibility of illegality. | ||
There's nothing illegal about... | ||
By the way, you're saying making them talk in tongues. | ||
They did it themselves. | ||
Right? | ||
It's this placebo effect. | ||
And you're not actually hurting anyone. | ||
And there should be rules to protect the vulnerable and the laws to protect the elderly and from scams and stuff like that. | ||
You know, when it comes down to these cults, I think a lot of people don't come forward because they're embarrassed. | ||
And it's like, I was there. | ||
I'm an adult... | ||
And I think about, in my own movie, when I told a story on your show and then subsequently telling it, and it happened today because the movie came out today, the amount of people who reach out and they're like, that happened to me. | ||
Men and women. | ||
Same story. | ||
Same kind of story. | ||
They lied about cancer. | ||
My roommate lied about this. | ||
There's that show Dirty John. | ||
I think these things are a lot more prevalent than we want to realize because we all feel so embarrassed. | ||
Right. | ||
What do they say, the percentage of people that are sociopaths? | ||
It's more than 1%, right? | ||
It's literally 100%. | ||
No, maybe. | ||
It's 100% of people. | ||
All people are sociopaths? | ||
Turns out. | ||
unidentified
|
Us. | |
I didn't know. | ||
Imagine, we thought we were excused from it, we're actually sociopaths too. | ||
I think that's what they all feel. | ||
But the thing, my point about this cult was that one of the things that separates it is that this guy was tricking dudes. | ||
Yeah. | ||
He was tricking dudes and fucking them and no one feels bad. | ||
When a guy, when you're a straight guy and a gay guy tricks you and fucks you, good luck getting sympathy. | ||
But no one cares. | ||
unidentified
|
Hmm. | |
I do think it's harder for men to get sympathy from things because men are supposed to be physically superior and in charge and smart and there's a little bit of a like, well, screw you back. | ||
And that's so wrong. | ||
You know, an injustice is an injustice. | ||
But is it an injustice that that guy fucked him? | ||
Wasn't it a deal? | ||
A deal's a deal. | ||
I don't disagree. | ||
You give him 50 bucks and he fucks you. | ||
That's the deal. | ||
That's why it's hard to prosecute. | ||
Also, those guys are probably embarrassed, but I think about sexual harassment. | ||
Because women are physically smaller than men for the most part, although I could probably beat up that samurai mannequin, because men are physically dominant, the inherent threat is there. | ||
When I go out to my car, when I'm on a date, even sitting here right now, if you wanted to kill me, you could. | ||
If your producer wanted to, just because you're bigger. | ||
Right. | ||
So there's that. | ||
But it doesn't take away from the fact that we all should have autonomy over our bodies. | ||
So someone sexually harassing you at work is still not okay. | ||
It's not as scary, but it's still not okay. | ||
And we have to allow for that if we're going to have a conversation about it, you know? | ||
100%. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Yeah. | ||
I've had gay guys hit on me before. | ||
You've told me about this. | ||
unidentified
|
It's uncomfortable. | |
It's uncomfortable because that's not what you want sexually. | ||
But it's not scary. | ||
But you're never scared. | ||
Right. | ||
I'm scared. | ||
It's a big difference. | ||
unidentified
|
Right. | |
All the time. | ||
It's a big difference. | ||
It's just rude or gross or he's taking a shot. | ||
I guess you never know. | ||
As a friend of mine, I don't want to name his name, he worked with me on this television show and he was a gay guy. | ||
And he used to have a lot of relations with, air quotes, straight guys. | ||
And I go, really? | ||
And he goes, yeah. | ||
He goes, you'd be surprised at how many straight guys let me suck their dick. | ||
And then next thing you know, I go, wow. | ||
It's a thing. | ||
I go, how does it happen? | ||
And he's like, well, you know, you have a couple of drinks, you start talking, next thing you know, I'm like, really? | ||
And he goes, yeah, all these, air quotes, straight guys. | ||
And I'm like, interesting. | ||
So you don't know until you try. | ||
He goes, exactly. | ||
So you'll like put feelers out on a guy supposedly straight because you've had experience with straight guys. | ||
And he's like, absolutely. | ||
There's nothing wrong with hitting on someone, but if the person says no, you gotta let it go. | ||
Well, the thing is at work, right? | ||
The thing is really, like, say if you're a woman and you're in an office and you're trying to move your way up the corporate ladder, and your boss is just a little touchy, a little gross. | ||
A little normal. | ||
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
A little male. | ||
A little male, a little normal. | ||
That's where it gets weird. | ||
Well, because people always talk about a woman scorned, but nobody's talking about a man scorned. | ||
That's how you get a school shooter. | ||
That's how you get murder. | ||
That's how you get murderers. | ||
That's when you've hurt a man's hubris. | ||
That's how you get, well, you're a fat bitch anyway. | ||
You know, like the anger, the ire that you elicit. | ||
When that happens and it's so scary and so it's always like oh the girl's crazy and she must be getting revenge and all this and it's like but look what happens. | ||
No, the difference between men and women is so stark in how many men murder women versus how many women murder men. | ||
It's not even close. | ||
If you looked at a chart, it would probably be like a pie chart. | ||
It'd be like the tiniest sliver is women that murder men. | ||
That's why we have a show about it. | ||
There's a show called Why Women Murder because people are fascinated that dainty flowers I think it was in Texas for a long time. | ||
Sure. | ||
Like, if you caught your wife in bed with another man, you were allowed to shoot the guy. | ||
Or does that have to do with a stand your ground kind of thing because he's a trespasser? | ||
No, I don't think so. | ||
He's not trespassing. | ||
Your wife lets him in. | ||
Yeah, but it's your property because she's a woman and she can't have that property. | ||
unidentified
|
That's crazy. | |
It's hers too, I think. | ||
What is the crime of passion? | ||
Adultery is not illegal, but Texas courts consider marital misconduct including infidelity and dividing the party's community. | ||
Oh, that's a different thing. | ||
What that is, that's interesting where women can sue for denial of affection and men can sue for it too. | ||
Like say, if you're a man and your wife is banging her personal trainer, you could sue that guy for denial of affection in some states. | ||
You could sue her for denial of affection because she's not having sex with you. | ||
I think you can sue him. | ||
But if you're both having sex with her, what are your grounds? | ||
I think you can sue him because he's taken away some affection from your lawfully wedded wife. | ||
Says who? | ||
If you're having sex like four times a night. | ||
Says some people in the 1820s that wrote these fucking goofy laws. | ||
The other one you're talking about is called Sudden Passion. | ||
Ah, Sudden Passion. | ||
Texas Penal Code Chapter 19 concerning criminal homicide holds that such sudden passion, in quotes, means passion directly caused by and arising out of provocation by the individual killed or another acting with the person killed which passion arises at the time of the offense and is not solely result of a former provocation. | ||
Yeah, but now you have to define provocation. | ||
Yeah, but look at this. | ||
This is so loop-holy. | ||
The law also holds that such passion must be due to, in quotes, adequate cause. | ||
This means, in quotes, a cause that would commonly produce a degree of anger, rage, resentment, or terror in a person of ordinary temper, sufficient to render the mind incapable of cool reflection. | ||
Who's going to give that character study? | ||
His buddies? | ||
Like, he's normally a cool guy. | ||
This shouldn't have happened. | ||
Texas murder laws state further that at punishment stage of a trial, the defendant must raise the issues as to whether he caused the death under the immediate influence of sudden passion arising from an adequate cause. | ||
If the defendant proves the issue in the affirmative by a preponderance of the evidence, the offense is a felony of the second degree. | ||
So if he thought about it first, it's a second degree. | ||
So it's premeditated sexual murder. | ||
Yeah. | ||
On the other hand, if a murder is planned or premeditated, such an offense in Texas is far worse crime, which is known as a felony of the first degree. | ||
Right. | ||
Yeah. | ||
One means, meaning if it happened in the moment, and you can prove that you're normally a cool guy, and you can prove that this is, you go on Family Feud, you're like, show me... | ||
It's cheating. | ||
And if enough people agree that that's a reason that would upset people and you're normally cool as a cucumber, you can get away with that murder. | ||
What's the other one, though? | ||
The other one is denial of affection. | ||
Because I do remember this, that this woman was suing this other woman that her husband was having an affair with for denial of affection. | ||
So she wasn't just suing him. | ||
She was suing the other woman. | ||
What woman's like, I need more sex from my husband. | ||
And you ruin that. | ||
Maybe she loves dick. | ||
Maybe that was part of her arrangement. | ||
unidentified
|
She wants dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick. | |
Maybe. | ||
But it's just... | ||
It's a lawsuit. | ||
It's a lawsuit in multiple states, yeah. | ||
It's like, how do you defend yourself? | ||
That's my next movie. | ||
There you go. | ||
Yeah. | ||
So, okay. | ||
Can I see him so close? | ||
That was very close. | ||
Snake-like reflexes. | ||
But it was also just the right amount of tip where it didn't quite go over. | ||
When you are in this relationship with this guy and you're realizing that he's full of shit, how long did it take for you to confront him? | ||
How much time had elapsed? | ||
Because I forget when you were telling me this story. | ||
I forgot you told me his mom had cancer. | ||
You told me this story on the podcast. | ||
I want to say like three years ago? | ||
Episode 484. Whoa! | ||
Yeah, seven years ago. | ||
Whoa! | ||
Today's episode's 7,012, so it was a while ago. | ||
We passed 1,070, right? | ||
This is 1670. Did you get a plaque? | ||
1670. From the mayor? | ||
unidentified
|
No. | |
Anything? | ||
unidentified
|
No? | |
No. | ||
I did interview the mayor though. | ||
That's cool. | ||
Seemed like a nice guy. | ||
Sure. | ||
I don't know. | ||
With a homeless problem. | ||
Who doesn't have that problem? | ||
In today's day and age? | ||
So like when you're in the middle of this with this guy... | ||
Did you have a series of red flags? | ||
Was there one red flag? | ||
Did the gates just open up and then you realize, oh my god, I'm with a sociopath? | ||
Here's the God's honest truth, and this is not in the movie because there's just too much to cover and you have to just hit certain story beats. | ||
I was doing a pre-interview for something and I was like, I think my mom will remember this. | ||
I called my mother. | ||
My mother is the one that was like, something's not right. | ||
unidentified
|
Really? | |
Uh-huh. | ||
And I was very careful in this movie. | ||
I didn't want to have that thing where the girl is dumb and she's like, you all don't want me to be happy. | ||
This is the guy. | ||
In real life, I was like, okay, let's, this is hard to believe, but let me suss this out. | ||
What did your mom see? | ||
Okay, so here's what happened. | ||
She was a couple things. | ||
So I talked to her recently about this. | ||
She would tell you, we could also call her, but she would tell you that certain things seem to not add up. | ||
He's a young guy, but he says he belongs to Skull and Bones, which she thought was odd, because George Bush, serious people belong to this. | ||
Not like a random dude. | ||
And I think she reached out to someone she happened to know, who was of course her age, so like in late 60s at the time, that was in it. | ||
And that person was like, this guy's not in it. | ||
unidentified
|
Really? | |
Right. | ||
And so, by the way, you're dealing with this like Secret society that you... | ||
I barely know. | ||
Like, why would I know anything about it? | ||
So I'm just like, okay. | ||
And he said he went to Yale. | ||
And so my cousin, who's in the movie, not in it, but a character, she calls my cousin. | ||
She goes, do me a favor. | ||
When you meet this guy, ask him a question only people who went to Yale would know. | ||
So my cousin said to him... | ||
So we're all hanging out, you know. | ||
My cousin said to him, I guess in New Haven, there's like two beloved pizza places. | ||
But every kid there, you pick which one you like. | ||
And he said, oh, which do you like? | ||
This one or this one? | ||
And his answer, he goes, I don't really eat pizza. | ||
So it's one of those answers where it's so quick and it's so concise that you're like, okay, that's weird, but that's your answer. | ||
Versus, what are you talking about? | ||
Knew all the schools and all the colleges, like knew enough. | ||
And so my mom called the Yale yearbook, I think. | ||
Because she had a friend that worked, went to Yale, so she reached out and she looked for a Dennis Kelly. | ||
What's that his name? | ||
That's the character's name. | ||
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
We haven't had a Dennis Kelly, and it was like a Dennis L. Kelly or something, and it was the wrong initial, who graduated in like 1985. So part of me is like... | ||
This information is so insane to get, there's no way to synthesize it. | ||
unidentified
|
Right. | |
Because this isn't like, I saw your boyfriend kissing a girl, which you're like, okay, this happens in movies. | ||
This is the weirdest thing, so I'm like, okay. | ||
And within that same time frame, you know, you start questioning other things. | ||
For example, he was like, I bought a house. | ||
When I met him, he was looking to buy a house. | ||
A lot of successful young men buy houses. | ||
And when he tells me where it is, he gives me the address, because I had like a gift for him. | ||
He gives me the address. | ||
And I went with a friend of mine, my friend Laura, and we went to the address. | ||
And it wasn't a house. | ||
It was like a split-level casita apartment, like in West Hollywood. | ||
And I knock on the door and a girl opens it and I'm like, uh... | ||
And she's like, oh my god, you're Eliza. | ||
So part of me is like, oh my god, you've seen my two Netflix professionals. | ||
And I was like, yeah. | ||
She was like, Dennis told me about you. | ||
Like, I didn't think he was really dating you. | ||
Like, this is so cool. | ||
And I'm like, uh-huh. | ||
And she's like, I'm his roommate. | ||
And I'm like... | ||
Okay. | ||
Not, I mean, it would have been better if she was like, I'm his girlfriend, but I'm his roommate. | ||
Call him. | ||
And he got very, like, weird. | ||
And I remember, because now here's a guy that you love, that you're dating, who's been inside you, and you've hung out together. | ||
I'm like, who's this fucking girl? | ||
And he, like, didn't want to talk about it. | ||
And he finally, like, you know, we met up and he was like, my mother is undergoing, like, serious chemotherapy, like cancer treatment at UCLA. And she is staying at my house. | ||
And I was such a horrible son to her when my dad was dying. | ||
I know I was never home and I wasn't there for her. | ||
And this is what I'm doing to give back. | ||
I'm letting her stay at my house. | ||
I keep my stuff at my friend's house, but I spend most nights with you. | ||
So I just kind of give her her space. | ||
And because he claimed to have come from so much money, to me, my first thought was, oh my god, I don't want to disturb your mother who's dying. | ||
I don't want to go to her house. | ||
People can say you're dumb, that seems insane, but at the time, this is someone that you think you might marry, whose parent is dying. | ||
So they say she's sick and she stays at my house. | ||
And this is before you've met her? | ||
The mom? | ||
I had already met her. | ||
You already met the mom. | ||
So you already knew she was doing pretty good. | ||
No! | ||
I thought, I don't, you know, cancer has many faces. | ||
You can put on a brave face and leave the house for a half hour. | ||
Good point. | ||
And so, I was just like, okay. | ||
And I was like, but I need to know where you live. | ||
Like, it's weird. | ||
And so he gave me the address. | ||
And it was about a week later that I was just like, things were just kind of not adding up. | ||
So I drove to that address. | ||
The second address. | ||
And what was that? | ||
It was just a house that wasn't, it was just a house. | ||
Wasn't his? | ||
It was like an old person house. | ||
There was like a sign on the door that said, beware of Pomeranian. | ||
I was like, he doesn't have a Pomeranian. | ||
Like, it was just not. | ||
So he just lied. | ||
I didn't call him that night. | ||
I think I flew. | ||
I was playing the Tempe improv. | ||
This was several years ago. | ||
I think I just sent him a text. | ||
And I was like, you're a fucking liar. | ||
I know you didn't go to Yale. | ||
I'm not going to be like, hey baby, can we meet up? | ||
I was like, you're a fucking liar. | ||
And he just wrote back, I am. | ||
And everything I've said to you from the day I met you was a lie. | ||
And I didn't realize that I would fall in love with you. | ||
And every day I was worried about how I get out from under it. | ||
So I believe that he loved me. | ||
I believe that he was like, oh shit, what do I do? | ||
And there were so many other small things. | ||
And then I knew the roommates. | ||
I think we connected on Facebook, so I went over. | ||
This is weeks later. | ||
I wanted some closure without talking to him. | ||
Right. | ||
And they're all just talking about it, and some of these friends were there. | ||
They're like, I've never liked that guy. | ||
I think they said we met him on Craigslist, but I don't remember. | ||
These weren't intimate friends. | ||
He's all this money and debt, which is where my story differs a lot. | ||
So the roommate that you met barely knew. | ||
Was a roommate. | ||
But just a roommate. | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
It wasn't even his friend. | ||
Right. | ||
There was two of them, so it was like their friends were there. | ||
unidentified
|
Correct. | |
And they didn't like him either. | ||
It was like a tangential friend was like, I never liked the guy for what it's worth. | ||
And a lot of these stories... | ||
It's like the guy weasels his way in and finds a way to attach himself financially. | ||
In my story, he never asked me for any money. | ||
Like, there was no... | ||
I think he just wanted to feel accepted by a woman. | ||
It's not... | ||
There was nothing... | ||
It differs from stories in that way. | ||
And I said... | ||
I'm trying to wrap my mind around this in real time. | ||
Because this is someone that I thought I was going to be... | ||
Like, this is someone I've known for a year. | ||
We've met each other's families. | ||
He's had dinner with my dad. | ||
Like... | ||
And I said, I feel bad that his mom is dying. | ||
And the friend looked at me and went, what are you talking about? | ||
His mom doesn't have cancer. | ||
And so I just remember going home and just collapsing. | ||
I slept for like 15 hours because it was like blunt force trauma to your heart. | ||
And you're just like, how do you pick that up? | ||
How do you piece that together? | ||
Did you ever see him in person after that? | ||
No, we met up once before I knew about the cancer thing. | ||
And he was like, yeah, I'm starting a new company and I'm doing all... | ||
I don't remember the conversation because I hadn't fully wrapped my mind around the extent of it all. | ||
Right. | ||
And that happened. | ||
And yeah, I just kind of like took a step back, whatever. | ||
We never talked again. | ||
Con artists is so interesting. | ||
They really are. | ||
Oh, wait. | ||
I remember the last part of it. | ||
Oh, okay. | ||
I remember thinking like, okay, I met the mom. | ||
She doesn't have cancer. | ||
Someone's got to tell her that her son is doing this. | ||
There has to be some sort of... | ||
Either she knows he's a bad seed and helps with it, or she has no idea. | ||
You should know as a parent. | ||
My best friend, who I'm visiting after your podcast today, her mom is BFFed with a private investigator. | ||
So we got the mom's number. | ||
And I had my best friend call. | ||
I was like, I don't want to talk to this lady. | ||
And I had her call just say, hey, I just want to let you know, like, your son, Dennis, like, here's what he does and here's what he did. | ||
And you should know, just for his own mental health. | ||
And just, you know? | ||
And I was like, also gauge if she, like, is in on it or whatever. | ||
And the woman said, well, you know, Eliza's a failed actress with a drug problem and Dennis always tries to be kind to women and I think he's been trying to let her down gently. | ||
And I was like, ugh! | ||
He got to her, we're done. | ||
Like, shut it down from this whole gross family... | ||
Eliza's a failed actress with a drug problem. | ||
So he went to his mom and concocted a whole storyline about you. | ||
unidentified
|
Uh-huh. | |
Wow. | ||
Which I think she... | ||
I have to believe a mother knows deep down there's something wrong with her kid. | ||
Did you ever listen to... | ||
There's an amazing podcast on Elizabeth Holmes. | ||
Do you know who Elizabeth Holmes is? | ||
I watched the whole show. | ||
I've never listened to the podcast. | ||
It's the same... | ||
Well, it's similar in that just con artists... | ||
Like, con artists, like, people that, like, get really far deep into, like, a crazy sort of situation like that are so fascinating to me. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Like, he even said, he was like, I lived every day scared for the next. | ||
Like, you don't know what's gonna happen, you just keep lying. | ||
Although, I believe she believed her blood machine worked. | ||
Do you? | ||
I believe that she was like, I just need a little bit more time. | ||
But there's all this evidence that she knew it didn't work. | ||
Oh, okay. | ||
I changed my mind. | ||
They knew it didn't work. | ||
What I know is that I can't wear a black turtleneck without people saying it was the Holmes. | ||
And like, it's a chic look. | ||
Did they do a movie about her? | ||
Or did they do, was it a documentary? | ||
It was a documentary. | ||
I just listened to the podcast. | ||
It's called The Dropout. | ||
Is that what it's called? | ||
I don't know. | ||
Was it called The Dropout? | ||
I think... | ||
Is it a Wandery podcast? | ||
Oh, that's my podcast network. | ||
I should notice. | ||
They do so many good ones. | ||
Thank you. | ||
God, they do so many good ones. | ||
They do. | ||
Is that it? | ||
Done by Apple Podcasts. | ||
Oh, it's Apple. | ||
Okay. | ||
Oh, wait. | ||
Wandery did the Aaron Hernandez one, right? | ||
ABC News. | ||
ABC News. | ||
The football player? | ||
Yeah. | ||
Yeah. | ||
That's another one that's fucking crazy. | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
But that lady, her story is so fascinating to me because she had a fake voice. | ||
Oh, this one. | ||
unidentified
|
Did she talk like this? | |
So that she would be taken seriously in business. | ||
Yeah. | ||
She would talk fake, like she had a fake deep voice. | ||
I actually am all for that. | ||
The Kardashians talk up here, even though, like, Khloe's 6'7". | ||
No one that tall has a high voice. | ||
Everybody fakes this, like, hot girl voice. | ||
So why not be taken seriously and take it to the mat? | ||
With a black turtleneck. | ||
Black turtleneck. | ||
Me and you, Rogan. | ||
It worked for a while. | ||
She was worth, at one point in time, before they busted her, like, she was the most... | ||
She was the most wealthy, self-made woman ever. | ||
Yeah, because she was worth like $9 billion or some crazy shit like that. | ||
unidentified
|
That's so crazy. | |
Yeah, and now she's worth zero. | ||
Probably not zero. | ||
Oh yeah, she's in debt. | ||
She's worth less than zero. | ||
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
She's worth minus hundreds of millions. | ||
What's her day-to-day? | ||
Not good. | ||
I mean, she's wondering whether or not they're going to put her in jail for the rest of her life. | ||
Oh, that still happens? | ||
It's still on trial? | ||
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
Well, she's pregnant. | ||
She got pregnant. | ||
I followed it because I was so fascinated by it from a bunch of different perspectives. | ||
One, the perspective of all these people that took that test, this rapid blood test to make sure they didn't have diseases. | ||
There's a lot of people that took that and they made their decisions based on the results of that test. | ||
So how many of them actually had cancer and didn't get treated? | ||
You should go to jail immediately. | ||
It's not good. | ||
Right. | ||
It's not good. | ||
And they knew. | ||
They knew these fucking things didn't work. | ||
That's the conspiracy of just when a whole company knows something. | ||
Whether it's chemicals in your water or drugs or how efficacious a treatment is when you know it isn't and you still do this to people who are trusting you. | ||
It's heavy. | ||
It's heavy. | ||
It's dark. | ||
And I believe absolute power corrupts absolutely. | ||
And it's really no different than someone who, you know, takes advantage sexually of their employees or people that, you know, things like that. | ||
Like, when no one's telling you no, and you stand to gain a lot from it. | ||
Yeah, but there's so many wild stories of con artists that get pretty deep. | ||
All of American Greed. | ||
They get pretty deep into business. | ||
What's American Greed? | ||
It's like on MSNBC. I watch it on the road. | ||
It's a show that profiles con artists, like people who do big, multi-million dollar pyramid schemes, all having to do with business and stocks and enterprise. | ||
It's never about love. | ||
It's always about the finance side of it. | ||
Yeah. | ||
And it's always total maniacs who are just able to lie and... | ||
What is it? | ||
Steal from Peter to pay Paul. | ||
The Bernie Madoff one is another one. | ||
That's another one that's just fucking wild. | ||
Because he got some really wealthy people. | ||
Some smart people. | ||
Like, he got Steven Spielberg. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Yeah. | ||
He got a lot of, like, super wealthy people. | ||
When that happened, just as a Jew, we were all just, like... | ||
When you are of a minority and one of your minority does the thing that people already think you do and the rest of you don't, we turn our backs on you're just like, no! | ||
That's hilarious. | ||
This guy! | ||
I'm Italian, so when someone gets arrested for being in the mob or doing something stupid, I think it's funny. | ||
Sure, it's less precious. | ||
Oh, it's way less precious. | ||
Yeah, there's more of you and the stakes aren't as high. | ||
But yeah, it's always that thing where you're like, don't prove the stereotype. | ||
Yeah, Ari and I always have the funniest conversations about Italians because it's like the one minority that I can absolutely mock because I'm one of them. | ||
And Ari calls them garbage people. | ||
It's like, they're the worst of the whites. | ||
The worst of the whites are the Italians. | ||
I don't know. | ||
He gets a kick out of it. | ||
He loves it. | ||
He loves making fun of Italians. | ||
Italians are, it's kind of like okay because there's no prejudice against Italians in this day and age, but it's like the Irish. | ||
It was a thing and now it's not and you're okay. | ||
So it's really the only type you can make fun of because anything else, it comes off as racist. | ||
Yeah, it shows racial stereotype progress. | ||
But Italians also are like, yeah, so what? | ||
That's me. | ||
Well, something happened during the Sopranos days. | ||
They got all excited about being Italian. | ||
There's a resurgence. | ||
Yes, they're big on that. | ||
The Irish do that too. | ||
Getting like an Aaron tattoo on your arm. | ||
You got one great grandpa who's Irish. | ||
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So people just want a connection to something. | |
They make good food. | ||
Italians can cook the fuck out of some food. | ||
That's what they do. | ||
Sure. | ||
Sure. | ||
Italian-American food, though, is garbage trash. | ||
What are you talking about? | ||
When you go to Italy, and you see how they've mastered it, and then they come here, they're like, yeah, it's a quart of sugar, and a bunch of baked noodles, and it's at a hot buffet at a Sbarro. | ||
You are exaggerating and stereotyping to a great degree, and I will not tolerate it. | ||
There's some amazing- No, it's very funny. | ||
There's some amazing Italian food in the East Coast. | ||
I'm talking about Italian- American food. | ||
Sure, it's tasty, but it's a far cry from actual Italian food. | ||
It's different. | ||
You know, if you go to Italy, the portions are smaller, there's a lot of fish, there's a lot of pasta with white sauce. | ||
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Everything's fresh. | |
Yeah, everything's fresh. | ||
The best ham sandwich I've ever had in my life was at a gas station in Italy. | ||
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Really? | |
Everything here, you know, of course you can buy nice things, but, like, we have so many people, everything's so mass-produced, and they don't have it like that in other countries. | ||
Like, you go to Europe, food is out. | ||
You go to Italy for, like, chiquette or, like, Spain for tapas, like, they're just sitting on the bar. | ||
Everything in the U.S. is, like, behind a cold case, locked under a plastic glove. | ||
Like, we're so afraid of being sued, and our health codes are so specific because of that. | ||
You go to other countries, food's just out. | ||
Like, that cow is just out. | ||
People are eating it, and they're fine. | ||
You know what I'm talking about? | ||
I do kind of know what you're talking about. | ||
You know, they just don't, they didn't get so into preservatives over there. | ||
Right. | ||
And they didn't genetically modify their wheat. | ||
There's a lot of differences. | ||
The corn. | ||
Their steak tastes very different. | ||
You have a steak over in Europe, it tastes very different. | ||
Their chocolate's different. | ||
They think ours is gross. | ||
Yeah. | ||
So, but we also, I do believe there's a huge connection between the litigious nature of people, how you can sue for anything here. | ||
Oh, that made me sick. | ||
Oh, I ate that. | ||
You know, and so people, like, health code is there. | ||
Like, my husband was telling me there's some, like, crazy temperature food needs to be kept at that doesn't make it for better tasting food, but it makes sure there's no way you can get sick. | ||
So it doesn't always yield the taste of your product, but your company will be safe. | ||
Right. | ||
And when you're a chef, that's got to be maddening. | ||
Yes. | ||
Because you really want to make sure that everything is just done to have the most enjoyable experience consuming and eating it. | ||
He says something like a lot of ethnic restaurants will get a beat. | ||
And it's not because they're not clean. | ||
It's because of the temperature that they're keeping certain foods at to serve it the right way. | ||
But it's not that they're dirty. | ||
It's just for those standards, it's just not right. | ||
How weird is dry aging? | ||
That's one of the weirdest ones. | ||
I'm not a fan. | ||
Go to places and the food is just covered in mold. | ||
I've never been a fan of that taste. | ||
Oh, really? | ||
Of dry aged. | ||
Well, I'll tell you what. | ||
APL, you know that steakhouse? | ||
Adam Perry Lang's place? | ||
He served me once a one-year dry aged steak. | ||
One year. | ||
And it was very interesting. | ||
He goes, you don't eat a whole steak of this. | ||
He goes, you eat a small amount of it and you take small bites. | ||
That's what you want in a steak. | ||
Small baby bites. | ||
It's just very different. | ||
It's not normal steak. | ||
It's like this weird nutty flavor. | ||
It's very strange. | ||
It's not what I like though. | ||
Yeah, you didn't say it was good, you just said strange, which is not what we want. | ||
It was good, don't get me wrong, but it's not my favorite. | ||
It's not, like, salmon is good. | ||
I think salmon tastes delicious, but if there's salmon right next to a tomahawk ribeye on the menu, I always get the ribeye. | ||
Like, I'm not really interested in fish that much. | ||
It's not as good. | ||
It just doesn't taste as good. | ||
And this was like that. | ||
Like, was it good? | ||
Yeah, it was good. | ||
It was delicious. | ||
But it wasn't as good as, like, a regular steak. | ||
It's not as satisfying. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Like a regular dry-aged steak is really good. | ||
But when you go that deep, it has this weird flavor to it. | ||
It's like you can taste the... | ||
It's kind of rotten. | ||
Right. | ||
You know? | ||
I mean, that's what it is. | ||
That restaurant Noma does a lot of that. | ||
What's that? | ||
Restaurant Noma. | ||
Where's that? | ||
I think it's in Denmark. | ||
Oh, okay. | ||
But I could get that wrong. | ||
I think it's in Denmark. | ||
Noma. | ||
They do a lot of like, you know... | ||
Work with mold and a lot of experimentation. | ||
And I do think that there's something so beautiful about like... | ||
Working, eating something that you've done something unique to, it's not meant to be American-consumed, like, biggie-sized with fries. | ||
Like, some bites should be delicate and small and unique, and why can't we eat more things, and why can't we play with sustainability and things like that? | ||
We have such a small menu of what's acceptable, especially in the United States. | ||
And especially in terms of sustainability, there's so much more. | ||
Like, cuttlefish, which is weirdly in my movie, but, like, that's really sustainable. | ||
Squid. | ||
Cuttlefish is sustainable? | ||
Really? | ||
I won't eat octopus because they're too smart. | ||
So are cuttlefish. | ||
Well, I don't eat cuttlefish either. | ||
I'm just saying. | ||
Ooni is sustainable. | ||
You won't eat octopus because they're smart? | ||
I can't. | ||
I've held one and I just can't do it. | ||
What about pork? | ||
Do you eat pork? | ||
I don't seek it out. | ||
It's not my favorite thing, but I'm not angry about it. | ||
They're pretty fucking smart, too. | ||
I'm not a big pork person. | ||
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I don't know. | |
But octopus are brilliant. | ||
They're brilliant, and they're not of this world. | ||
Probably not. | ||
You live on an island in Greece. | ||
That's your main thing. | ||
I get it, but I don't need to eat an octopus. | ||
Okay. | ||
We eat a lot of lentils in our house. | ||
My husband opened this huge barbecue restaurant in LA. He opened Bledsoe's Barbecue and they smoke whole animals and chop them up. | ||
But in our house, it's all very like we grow our own lettuce and I eat tiny things. | ||
Lentils? | ||
A lot of lentils. | ||
They're very good for you. | ||
Really? | ||
Beans. | ||
We're very specific about beans. | ||
You grow your own lentils? | ||
No. | ||
Growing lettuce. | ||
And by our, I mean he does this. | ||
And I wander into the kitchen shirtless. | ||
And you eat it. | ||
And I'll eat deli turkey out of a bag over the garbage. | ||
I'm a savage. | ||
And I've been civilized by being married to a chef. | ||
That's interesting. | ||
I keep an industrial-sized bag of airheads. | ||
What are airheads? | ||
They're candy, and I have one in my bag now. | ||
I bring one everywhere. | ||
Why airheads? | ||
It's tangy. | ||
It's really good? | ||
Red ones. | ||
You want one? | ||
Yeah, give me one. | ||
Okay, I'll give you my last one. | ||
I don't think I've ever had one. | ||
I'll give you my last one. | ||
Your last one? | ||
I thought you had an industrial-sized container of them. | ||
How many did you fucking eat? | ||
I only brought so many on the trip. | ||
Jesus Christ, you ate them all? | ||
Yeah. | ||
If you have any fillings, careful. | ||
If I have any fillings? | ||
Fillings. | ||
Oh. | ||
It's not like that. | ||
It's not like a sugar daddy, but it can fill. | ||
Okay. | ||
These are them? | ||
Oh, yeah. | ||
Oh, you got a red one, too. | ||
Tiny one? | ||
Airheads. | ||
I feel like I should have known about these. | ||
I've never had these before. | ||
unidentified
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Oh, okay. | |
It's like a taffy. | ||
Here we go. | ||
Total candy. | ||
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Tasted. | |
Tart. | ||
Satisfied. | ||
That's good. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Yeah. | ||
That's quite good. | ||
It's my favorite candy. | ||
Is it your favorite too? | ||
By far. | ||
How the fuck am I just finding out about this? | ||
It's just one of these random candies at 7-Eleven. | ||
You don't think about it. | ||
It's just there. | ||
I like it. | ||
When I was a kid, for businesses in elementary school, we would make airhead balls and sell them. | ||
So you'd mash up a bunch, you'd ask the kid what flavor they want, and then you'd sell these thick wads of pucks of airheads. | ||
That sounds so disgusting. | ||
90s. | ||
Oh, your finger sweat and all that stuff. | ||
Oh, yeah. | ||
Oh, that's why there are kids doing it. | ||
Being industrious, running for student council. | ||
That was good. | ||
Tasty. | ||
How much candy do you eat? | ||
I eat a lot of candy. | ||
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Really? | |
I love candy. | ||
So bad for you. | ||
It's so bad for you, but I'm not a huge drinker. | ||
I don't really eat garbage food, but I love Sour Patch Kids and Airheads. | ||
That's about it. | ||
And I eat a lot of fruit. | ||
Do you? | ||
I'm a tart, sweet person. | ||
I don't like chocolate. | ||
Fruit's good for you. | ||
Fruit's fine. | ||
I probably eat more candy than the average adult woman, but it's not so much that I have teeth problems or heart problems or anything. | ||
Fruit is something that I indulge in post and pre-workout. | ||
What kind of fruit? | ||
I feel like you eat an orange or an apple. | ||
You're like a regular fruit guy. | ||
I eat orange and apples. | ||
Yeah. | ||
I eat bananas. | ||
I like bananas. | ||
Sure. | ||
I just have a little bit of sugar before I go crazy. | ||
Potassium's good for muscle recovery. | ||
Well, I take a lot of electrolytes. | ||
I cover that stuff, actually, with liquid IV, things like that. | ||
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Yes. | |
But with fruit, it's just a good thing to have pre- and post-workout. | ||
I ate a whole watermelon last weekend. | ||
I fucking love watermelon. | ||
I fucking took it down. | ||
I took it down. | ||
It's very exciting. | ||
I love melons, watermelons. | ||
Cold watermelon? | ||
It's hard to find something that tastes better on a summer day than a fucking cold watermelon that's ripe and juicy and dark red. | ||
Yes. | ||
And you bite into it. | ||
I even eat the seeds. | ||
I don't care. | ||
I don't give a fuck about seeds. | ||
I chew those bitches right down to the bone. | ||
Right down. | ||
I don't care about seeds. | ||
Yeah. | ||
I saw this thing on TikTok, which is dumb. | ||
Mustard on watermelon. | ||
Everyone's like, it's so good. | ||
I tried it. | ||
TikTok needs to stop. | ||
It's gotta stop. | ||
It was so dumb. | ||
I was like, we've ruined the piece of watermelon. | ||
There's no reason to put mustard on it. | ||
I understand it'll cook out. | ||
It touched something on your plate and you ate it anyway. | ||
Right. | ||
It does not enhance it. | ||
Right. | ||
I know a lot of people like to put salt on certain types of fruits. | ||
Salt on watermelon is delicious. | ||
I've never had that. | ||
It's great. | ||
Lime on watermelon is great. | ||
You know what I love? | ||
Chili powder on mangoes. | ||
Yes. | ||
Any of those Mexican fruit cart concoctions. | ||
Chili with mangoes is fucking sensational. | ||
What's going on here? | ||
He's just showing some idiot doing... | ||
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No, it's Bert. | |
Oh, it's Bert. | ||
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I didn't see it. | |
Bert, I didn't see. | ||
But he gave it to a bunch of people and they said it was really good. | ||
It's not good. | ||
Look at him. | ||
He's like, it's there. | ||
What is he saying? | ||
Pretty good. | ||
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Yeah, you gotta try it. | |
No, it's because Bert's just trying to be sweet. | ||
He's on a movie set in Serbia. | ||
It's probably the only food they have here. | ||
It's the only watermelon for 800 miles. | ||
There's no food over there. | ||
They shipped it in for him. | ||
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He's starving to death. | |
He's filming a movie in a third world country. | ||
Can I tell you? | ||
Is that a third world country? | ||
No. | ||
I read that script. | ||
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Sorry, Serbia. | |
I read that script because I wanted the part of the Russian girl, and they ended up going with an actual Russian person, so I can't beat that. | ||
But it's a good script. | ||
Oh, it's gonna be hilarious. | ||
It's funny. | ||
Well, no. | ||
Brett's a fucking hustler, too. | ||
Sure. | ||
But, like, another comic's like, I got a script, you're like, oh, God, like, is it missing the third act? | ||
And I read this, and I was pleasantly surprised, because the story's funny, but turning it into something real, it was a really good script. | ||
And he's making it with Legendary, which is great. | ||
And it's one of those things where I missed out on it, but I'm still, like, pumped for the project. | ||
And it was a really good show. | ||
I'm pumped for Burt. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Burt is a guy who never stops hustling. | ||
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He's a good guy. | |
He's always got three different podcasts going and a bunch of different projects. | ||
He has a lot of podcasts. | ||
He's trying to run 2,000 miles this year. | ||
Well, that's weird. | ||
I don't get that. | ||
He's trying to not be a fat fuck. | ||
He's a really good guy. | ||
He's always been sweet. | ||
He's a very good guy. | ||
He's a very good guy and he's a guy that... | ||
He might be a crazy drunk and he likes to party and all that good stuff and you can dismiss him because of that. | ||
That dude works hard. | ||
He's always working. | ||
And he'll party and then he'll get up at 7 o'clock in the morning and go to work. | ||
You don't stay, this is not a fluke, like people, even like the drinking and whatever, and he's just, it's harmless and he's having fun, whatever, it's part of a persona, but you don't stay relevant without working hard. | ||
This is not people propping him up. | ||
Right. | ||
You know, like he does put in those hours and he does tour, so, and he's a good person. | ||
He's also the first guy to figure out how to do drive-in movie shows while we were all like trying to figure out what to do with the pandemic and do shows. | ||
He was the first guy. | ||
Nope, we did him at the same time. | ||
What do you mean, untrue? | ||
We did the drive-in tours at the same time. | ||
Bert literally came up with the idea, he said. | ||
No. | ||
You don't think he did? | ||
I don't know. | ||
He could have been, like, independent, but I definitely did. | ||
We did them around the same time. | ||
Around the same time. | ||
I didn't get the idea from him. | ||
Okay, I'm not saying you did. | ||
But that doesn't take it away from him. | ||
Maybe you got the same idea independently after he did it. | ||
I don't think it was after. | ||
I think he was the first guy. | ||
Okay. | ||
Okay. | ||
He says he was the first guy. | ||
Everybody else agrees. | ||
That's okay. | ||
It's always good to go with what everyone else says. | ||
Is it okay? | ||
I'll be okay with it. | ||
So you both came up with the idea independently. | ||
When did you start touring, going on the road? | ||
We did that in... | ||
Driving movies, shows. | ||
September, October. | ||
I think he was doing it before. | ||
unidentified
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Okay. | |
I think he was doing it in June. | ||
Bert invented comedy. | ||
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I think he did. | |
I'd like to find out. | ||
I'd like to find out who did it first. | ||
Jamie's on it. | ||
unidentified
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I don't know. | |
But I definitely, I do like Bert. | ||
Okay. | ||
Seems like you don't like him as much now. | ||
I hate Bert. | ||
Bert Kreischer, if you can hear this. | ||
Now that you guys are competing about the origin story of driving movie shows. | ||
No, I'm pretty sure Bert way outsells me. | ||
He's killing it right now. | ||
I mean, he's been gone for like three or four months. | ||
To the eastern block, if we can say that. | ||
But he's also got a tour going on. | ||
He just started promoting his new tour. | ||
He's a fucking animal. | ||
He never stops. | ||
I actually am using his... | ||
We both use the same sort of promotional company who helps you come up with videos, like those kind of things. | ||
June. | ||
Yeah. | ||
He was doing it in June. | ||
Well, that's really unsafe. | ||
He was way ahead of you. | ||
That was definitely not COVID safe. | ||
I came out a little bit later. | ||
Yeah. | ||
What is this look you're giving me? | ||
So I was right. | ||
Yeah, but it wasn't like... | ||
But you said not true, and you said it very dismissively. | ||
Because you said it as if he invented it, and then everyone copied him. | ||
Well, he did invent it, and then other people did it later. | ||
They might have also invented it, but Burt Kreischer invented it. | ||
I didn't say everyone copied it. | ||
Dual invention. | ||
What I said was, Burt was the first, and it turns out I was right by many months. | ||
Oh my god, so many dudes have boners right now. | ||
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Did you hear how he fucking rocked this bitch? | |
She said she was right about one thing, and he turned out to be right? | ||
I'm so fucking hard! | ||
Do you really think they think like that? | ||
100%. | ||
Well, it was just the way you said it. | ||
I come out on stage at the store when you used to live there. | ||
You can see who the Rogan fans are because of the way they look. | ||
You can see who the Marc Maron fans are. | ||
Because they're by themselves? | ||
Because of the way they look. | ||
And then I think the rest were for me and then some other people. | ||
But it's a distinct... | ||
And at the end, if I had a joke that didn't go well, I'd be like, I know you're like, oh, where's Rogan? | ||
And it would always get a big laugh. | ||
I'm like, okay. | ||
So just know, I can see your arms. | ||
You can see their arms? | ||
Guys with t-shirts? | ||
It's Rogan and then it's just regular dudes. | ||
And then the Marin fans are like, you know, a lot of flannel. | ||
They're into indie music. | ||
That's just two different vibes. | ||
I understand. | ||
Yours kind of travel in packs. | ||
Packs. | ||
Right here. | ||
But you're very smart. | ||
And I think people think of the fans and they think of the bad ones, not the good ones. | ||
Because I think of you as so intelligent and I think the kind of guy that fully appreciates you has to be intelligent and capable of analytical thinking versus reducing it down to the joke that I'm making. | ||
Right, but some people don't fully appreciate you, right? | ||
There's certain things they like. | ||
You're going to get a spectrum of fans. | ||
I have a lot of dumb fans for sure. | ||
Yeah, you do. | ||
You do, and they're very vocal. | ||
They'll be in my DMs after this. | ||
Oh, well, don't read those. | ||
You read them? | ||
No. | ||
I batch erase a lot just because you've got to save your eye health. | ||
Yeah, I don't look at them. | ||
You shouldn't even look at them. | ||
I don't think it's good for you. | ||
I look at some. | ||
I have a mostly positive experience. | ||
Most people do. | ||
Most people have a mostly positive experience. | ||
You can tell. | ||
Because you don't have to open it. | ||
You can just see it sometimes. | ||
And you can tell by the first sentence sometimes the energy of that. | ||
I've done this long enough that if it's going to be weird, I don't read it. | ||
If it's going to be annoying, if it's going to be negative, and I just erase. | ||
And I rarely respond. | ||
It's not worth it. | ||
Yeah, it's a weird trap. | ||
You get stuck in wandering constantly about other people's opinions, especially random people's opinions that you don't even know. | ||
But on the other hand, it's good to get feedback. | ||
So it's like, it's a weird sort of fucking double-edged sword. | ||
I was thinking about that yesterday because there's feedback. | ||
Okay, there's a difference between opinion and you got a fact wrong. | ||
What I'm interested in is being corrected if I'm wrong. | ||
Like just now. | ||
I was like, all right, Bert invented it. | ||
Or I'm interested in someone who isn't like me saying, hey, here's something you didn't know about civil rights or gender issues or the economy. | ||
Like a genuine fact. | ||
What I'm not interested in, a lot of people will... | ||
It's this weird thing. | ||
Under the guise of being a fan, you post something innocuous and they will, in the comments so publicly, do something that's like kind of trying to shame you while being like, and I'm just asking because I'm a fan. | ||
I'm like, no, no. | ||
If you actually wanted to bring this up, you would have DM'd it. | ||
But you did it publicly because you're secretly hoping I will burn in front of you. | ||
You are such a Jack Russell terrier. | ||
unidentified
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Fuck! | |
You're such a fucking... | ||
You cannot ignore the matrix of subtext when you see it. | ||
Oh, okay. | ||
You can't. | ||
I get it. | ||
You can tell when someone means well and when they actually have an ulterior motive. | ||
Don't you agree? | ||
Yes. | ||
You certainly can tell when people are being passive-aggressive or when they're fucking with you or they're being manipulative. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Just wondering, I noticed that you did this. | ||
Why would you do that? | ||
Just asking as a fan, publicly, hoping you die. | ||
And so, you know, you give it air, you don't. | ||
But it is, it's tough to navigate. | ||
How do you deal with that kind of stress? | ||
Do you like to, like, if you find yourself under particular amounts of stress, do you meditate? | ||
Do you exercise? | ||
Like, what do you do to sort of mitigate it? | ||
Exercise every day. | ||
Because I really enjoy that buzz. | ||
What kind of exercise do you like to do? | ||
I mean... | ||
I've exercised pretty consistently my whole life, you know. | ||
And so I'll do like a half hour of cardio. | ||
Start with the cardio because I get out of the way. | ||
And then I'll do free weights or I'll do like yoga or like some sort of like Pilates strengthening. | ||
You know, we always try to do low weight, high rep, toning. | ||
The goal is never to like really build muscle. | ||
I think it'd be funny if you got jacked. | ||
Like super jacked, like CrossFit girl jacked. | ||
For confirmed kills, I did a lot of upper body, and I look very strong in that. | ||
I actually think that's a beautiful body type. | ||
Just shredded girls. | ||
And I'm sure I could get a lot stronger. | ||
I think I follow a lot of girls who are MMA fighters and girls that do strength training stuff. | ||
And I just think it's a good body to have. | ||
I think maybe because I could attain that quicker than I could being 5'8 and lanky, which will never happen. | ||
But I think there's such a beauty in being that strong. | ||
And thick. | ||
Yeah. | ||
I don't mind it. | ||
I don't mind it. | ||
Strong will get you farther in life. | ||
For sure. | ||
Physically than being wayfish. | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
Yeah, there's a thing where I think women seem to believe that men like really skinny girls because like girls seem to like very skinny girls or they seem to be jealous of really skinny girls sometimes. | ||
Yeah, it all has to do with fashion. | ||
So, gay guys are modeling women to look like boys, because that's what they're attracted to. | ||
But also, and there's nothing wrong with that, this is fashion, but also, clothes hang better. | ||
That's why models are so tall and thin because the clothes literally just hang. | ||
They're not pulling. | ||
You don't have to pick your wedgie. | ||
Right. | ||
And so that is the high fashion aesthetic because it's more effortless and you can wear anything. | ||
And so because of that curvy women kind of get maligned when in actuality most women do have those curves and you we should be dressing for that versus killing yourself to Well, not only that. | ||
In actuality, most men like curves. | ||
100%. | ||
Yeah, that's what men like. | ||
That's why it's so weird. | ||
Because I think... | ||
I mean, that's not the same with, like, male models, right? | ||
Like, male models are kind of ripped. | ||
They're buff and ripped and they look like what girls like. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Like, male models aren't, like, a completely different thing that, like... | ||
You don't have that sort of like wayfish skinny male model thing. | ||
Some of them. | ||
Some of them. | ||
But everybody likes a Jack dude. | ||
Like Abercrombie and Fitch type dudes. | ||
Straight dudes love looking at a Jack dude because they want to like be friends with him. | ||
Gay guys love looking at a Jack dude. | ||
I love looking at a Jack dude. | ||
Everybody loves Jack dude. | ||
Yeah. | ||
I think in terms of like girls being curvy, if girls could just, if you could actually take a step back and realize how incredibly simple the needs of a heterosexual man are, you don't have to chug a beer and like be into his sports. | ||
Like he doesn't care. | ||
What he wants is just like a cool girl who's got her own thing going on. | ||
These girls are like, I'm a guy's girl. | ||
I'm fucking taking this down. | ||
It's cool if you're into that, but like he doesn't want to fuck a dude with tits. | ||
He wants a girl. | ||
Like, do you care if your wife can drink as much as you in the moment? | ||
No, that'd be a problem. | ||
It'd be really gross. | ||
And most guys, the things you hate about your body, like, he didn't even notice. | ||
Like, the other day, I took my shirt off, my husband actually went like, boobs, boobs, boobs. | ||
And I was like, did that just come out? | ||
He's like, yeah, I just, uh, I don't know why I said that. | ||
Like, that's what they just want, your body. | ||
And however imperfect, he's still with you, regardless of how imperfect you think it is. | ||
Okay. | ||
You don't think so? | ||
No, I think so. | ||
So why are you reserving it? | ||
What is that? | ||
What is that tactic? | ||
unidentified
|
What is that interview? | |
Is it tactic to make the guest feel like, oh fuck, did I say the word? | ||
No, it's not. | ||
It's like, okay, I hear what you're saying. | ||
It's not saying it in a negative way. | ||
I've only built five Netflix specials off of it. | ||
Off of just this constant thinking about it. | ||
But if girls would just give themselves a break and he definitely doesn't care what you're wearing... | ||
Well, they definitely don't care if you can drink them under the table or if you're really into sports or if you're really into what they're into. | ||
But some girls are really into things that guys like so that guys will think that they're easy to hang out with. | ||
For sure. | ||
Right. | ||
Because guys want an easy girl, like a non-complex, low-maintenance mentally. | ||
It's okay if you've got to curl your hair and do your makeup as long as you're cool about it. | ||
My husband is always, like, I wear three things, but he's always ready to go. | ||
If we're going out, he's sitting in one of his two shirts, waiting in the living room, no matter what. | ||
And you're getting dressed. | ||
And it's not even like I look that great. | ||
I just gotta find everything before we leave the house. | ||
And it's whatever. | ||
We gotta give ourselves a break. | ||
The weird stereotypes that girls have to... | ||
Or they think that they have to match. | ||
Like the real skinny stereotype. | ||
That's what's weird. | ||
It's like women have a stereotype where you're not supposed to eat. | ||
Right? | ||
There's a beauty standard where you're supposed to be really thin. | ||
Girls will hold back on eating. | ||
Yeah. | ||
That's kind of fucked. | ||
That doesn't even make any sense to me. | ||
That's a really weird one. | ||
Like the holding back on eating thing. | ||
Well... | ||
Girls will hold back. | ||
I've talked to girls that are going on a date with a guy in four or five days, and they go, I can't eat. | ||
I have a date on Saturday. | ||
I'm like, oh my god, it's Wednesday. | ||
I think it's also a very young thing to do, and I think it is partly generational. | ||
If you grew up in the 90s like I did, regardless, five years here, five years there, you have a degree of body dysmorphia. | ||
You just do. | ||
Really? | ||
Because what was... | ||
I think I have a great body, but... | ||
I will always defer to that, like, rail-thin, like, oh, that's the idea. | ||
Even though I know that's wrong, because that has been inculcated in our minds for so long. | ||
In the 90s that happened? | ||
Yeah. | ||
And everybody was like, look at, like, Nicole Richie and Paris Hilton, like, even into the 2000s, like, that was the look. | ||
You know, Kate Moss earlier. | ||
And now, because of diversity, girls have, like, the Kardashians. | ||
For better or for worse, you have a curvier type of girl. | ||
unidentified
|
Right. | |
Right, but isn't that even more weird? | ||
Because then it's surgically curvy. | ||
That is surgically curvy, but they are emulating, in many cases, what an African-American woman's body looks like. | ||
And their bodies have been so maligned for so long. | ||
So when it trickles down, it makes it okay that you have thighs. | ||
Someone like me. | ||
It makes it okay and there's more acceptance. | ||
I don't know if I agree with you because that fake butt has become a thing. | ||
And that fake butt is so obvious. | ||
When you have skinny legs, and you have that diaper butt... | ||
But most women don't... | ||
I'm saying they're emulating a certain kind of body. | ||
Right. | ||
Kim Kardashian actually did have a big butt, and then everybody tried to make it bigger and bigger. | ||
Most women have larger butts, larger thighs. | ||
And I'm saying it trickles down into fashion so that a girl feels a little bit more okay about that versus killing yourself to have a thigh gap. | ||
Oh, the thigh gap. | ||
Girls like the thigh gap, right? | ||
Because we're told that guys do, but even as an adult, just in the last couple years, I've become more okay with being thicker in certain areas because you're seeing it more in fashion. | ||
Not even on altered women, just women who are more normal looking. | ||
Just saying, hey, the average woman's body is okay. | ||
It's a weird thing. | ||
You have to really figure out what you're okay with. | ||
It is weird, too, because it's like people do imitate what they see, and they try to emulate what they see, whether it's on television or on the internet or what have you. | ||
And then the other thing that's going on is on the internet, a lot of people are using these weird fucking filters, changing the size of their waist and changing the size of their butts. | ||
I literally was talking about this yesterday, how there are girls who get surgery to look like the filter. | ||
So we're all now agreeing on a standard that literally no one looks like and trying to adhere to that, which is even weirder. | ||
Because some of those models are that thin, but nobody naturally has a flower crown and a deer nose. | ||
unidentified
|
Hmm. | |
And that's scary because it's just, everything's about what it looks like online. | ||
Yeah. | ||
And it ends up, you get 19-year-old girls getting Botox. | ||
Like, it's weird. | ||
That's a weird thing to do. | ||
It's a lot of them, too. | ||
It's not just a few. | ||
They're doing it now so that they never have wrinkles. | ||
I'm thinking about the DMs. | ||
unidentified
|
Don't shame me and my matching daughter because we got Botox. | |
I'm like, look. | ||
It's fucking botulism. | ||
It is botulism. | ||
It's called Botox. | ||
It's botulism toxins that you're pumping into your skin because it paralyzes your fucking muscles. | ||
Unfortunately, the people who need to hear that do not listen to this podcast. | ||
I bet a lot of them do. | ||
And they go, yep, and I'm going to keep doing it because this way I don't have wrinkles, motherfucker. | ||
And in a weird way, it's not her fault because there is this expectation that women be eternally young. | ||
At a certain age, you almost have to make this choice. | ||
Do you want people to know that you're secretly not going to live forever? | ||
Or do you want to look weird? | ||
It's a choice that a lot of women, all of a sudden, your face isn't old, but there's this uncanny valley. | ||
You're like, what is that? | ||
Yes. | ||
You know what it is? | ||
Fillers. | ||
The fillers. | ||
When they get the big cheeks, you're like, whoa, what are you doing? | ||
I have no problem. | ||
Like, dude, I had a nose job when I was 18. Like, fucking do whatever you want, whatever. | ||
And I wrestle with, what does a woman owe in terms of revealing that? | ||
We demand such transparency. | ||
If you're a girl and you love your plastic surgery, right? | ||
Do you owe saying to everyone, like, yeah, I had it done. | ||
I'm being honest. | ||
Or can you keep that a secret? | ||
What, like a nose job? | ||
No, like, if you're getting, like, I have friends that are like, I get filler, I love it, it's whatever. | ||
And she looks great, and you wouldn't actually be able to tell. | ||
And then you have friends that, like, won't admit to it. | ||
Well, I think if someone asks you, you have two choices. | ||
You either go, it's none of your fucking business, or tell the truth. | ||
That's what I'm saying. | ||
Yeah. | ||
But also, you're in a situation where someone's asking you, and they might just be doing it to make you uncomfortable. | ||
Like, you gotta find out, like, you gotta feel out. | ||
Like, publicly in the comment section. | ||
Yeah, well, I'm talking about people in real life. | ||
Sure. | ||
Like, you gotta feel out what kind of... | ||
The intention. | ||
Yeah, what's the game? | ||
What's going on here? | ||
Is this a person who's worried about their own skin and looks at you and like, hey, you look really good. | ||
Are you doing anything? | ||
Like, what are you doing? | ||
Like, help a girl out. | ||
unidentified
|
Right. | |
It could be that, or it could be, are you using filler? | ||
Right. | ||
And then there's this weird thing where someone wants you to say something so they can judge you and you're like, hey, fuck you, bitch. | ||
Right? | ||
I don't disagree. | ||
No, I'll do the Joe thing. | ||
What is that? | ||
It's me staring at you. | ||
Is that what I do? | ||
I stare? | ||
I'm staring at you. | ||
Is that me? | ||
That's your impression of me? | ||
No, that was me. | ||
My chin goes up when I stare at you? | ||
You don't do that. | ||
I don't know why I did that. | ||
But the older I get, the more I'm just like super laissez-faire, like whatever you want to do, I'm not even waiting. | ||
That's a healthy perspective. | ||
I think the older I get, the more I feel like that too. | ||
I don't want anybody to do anything they don't want to do. | ||
As long as it's not hurting anybody. | ||
As long as it's not hurting anyone, you have kids. | ||
And I'm sure your wife gets it worse, but just the endless scrutiny. | ||
What are you doing with the kids? | ||
Are you raising them up? | ||
What are the choices? | ||
And it's just like, fuck off. | ||
It's less here. | ||
Sure. | ||
Here, people are pretty normal. | ||
It's like you've entered into a different dimension where families are like normal families that you see in TV shows. | ||
They act normal here. | ||
It's like the influence of show business is injected into people's lives out here as much as it has in L.A. No, and I'm jealous of that. | ||
I'm jealous that you have that. | ||
Growing up in Dallas, Texas, I remember I had a friend and she told me I was going to hell because I was Jewish, which happens a lot. | ||
It happens a lot. | ||
When you're a kid in the South or in Texas, this is not uncommon. | ||
Most Jewish kids have something like this. | ||
She told me I was going to hell. | ||
And we were like six. | ||
We were best friends. | ||
And my mother called her mother to say, hey, your daughter told my daughter she's going to hell. | ||
And the mom said, oh, I'm going to have to talk to her. | ||
She's not supposed to start witnessing until she's older. | ||
So there's different types of normal. | ||
That's not normal, but it is accepted. | ||
unidentified
|
She's not supposed to start witnessing until she gets older. | |
Oh my god, that's so funny. | ||
Welcome to Texas. | ||
Her mom was telling her, sweetie, you are doing the right thing, but you're doing it at the wrong time, and she's not ready for you to witness. | ||
Wait till those horns come in. | ||
Then you let her know. | ||
Oh my God. | ||
Oh my God. | ||
She's not supposed to start witnessing yet. | ||
Witnessing! | ||
Witnessing! | ||
That is a very specific type of Baptist. | ||
Like that's its own. | ||
But that's part of growing up in Texas. | ||
Oh my God. | ||
Witnessing is hilarious. | ||
What does that mean? | ||
What does it mean to witness? | ||
Does it mean that you're supposed to declare God's word when you find something out of alignment? | ||
Is that what it is? | ||
Sure. | ||
The whole thing is insane to me, so sure. | ||
Any version of that is weird. | ||
I follow a lot of, like, Christian fitness influencers. | ||
Is that a thing? | ||
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
unidentified
|
What is that? | |
You're getting in shape for Christ? | ||
Well, they're Christian and they happen to be fitness people, but it doesn't usually come up until it does. | ||
And then every now and then it'll come up and there'll be like a Bible verse that they want to highlight while they're showing you their quads. | ||
Oh my God. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Yeah. | ||
And God gave unto man his only son. | ||
Let's quote it! | ||
Look at my fucking quotes! | ||
A lot of women will do that. | ||
They'll stick their ass out, but they'll have some crazy Alan Watts quote. | ||
Yes. | ||
They'll talk about spirituality while they're wearing a thong. | ||
Completely belies the intention of the post. | ||
Yeah, a little asshole covering string and a little cooter Dorito. | ||
Well, because... | ||
That's so gross. | ||
I'm not making eye contact with you. | ||
unidentified
|
Ha ha ha! | |
For so many reasons. | ||
What is a thong? | ||
It's a little Dorito that covers your cooter. | ||
It is! | ||
And a string that goes up your butt. | ||
It's the most ridiculous thing a person could wear. | ||
It's the best. | ||
It's like, I'm not comfortable with just some of my ass showing. | ||
I want everything but a string. | ||
No, it's so you don't have panty lines. | ||
Oh, okay. | ||
That's why. | ||
You don't want to see them through your jeans. | ||
Got it. | ||
I'm wearing a thong right now. | ||
Congratulations. | ||
For no reason, because these shorts are huge. | ||
unidentified
|
Me too. | |
What a coincidence. | ||
unidentified
|
You know what? | |
That's your choice. | ||
Yep. | ||
Thank you. | ||
If we allowed women to just be proud of their bodies, they wouldn't have to put up these dumb aphorisms. | ||
Show me your body and be like, I worked hard for this. | ||
Love it. | ||
Versus like, to quote Sylvia Plath, stick your fucking ass in an oven. | ||
Do you think that's what it is? | ||
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
I think it's that some people want other people to think of them in a lofty way. | ||
They want to think of them like that they're deep and fascinating and mercurial creatures. | ||
And so, although they also want to show their ass, they want something. | ||
See the shooting star? | ||
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
Cool, right? | ||
Yeah, it's really cool. | ||
They want to show their ass, but they also want to appear deep. | ||
Maybe they're both. | ||
Maybe it's true. | ||
We don't allow for complexity. | ||
So God forbid a woman is attractive, but also intelligent. | ||
So we wrestle with that. | ||
I think it's become so muddled. | ||
We're actually not sure what we're doing. | ||
It used to be, I need a way to post this hot picture. | ||
I hope someone's looking, but I can't say in the caption I'm doing it. | ||
I had a whole bit about this forever ago, which I'll spare you. | ||
And now it's become this rote thing. | ||
Where you just take a picture. | ||
And we don't even know why we're doing it. | ||
Like, you just take that picture and be like, this is what I look like today. | ||
And it's usually something you do when you're more single. | ||
Like, hoping you'll get attention for that. | ||
And there's nothing wrong with it. | ||
Because, you know, getting attention doesn't have to be a bad thing. | ||
But I do think women feel that they have to say something prophetic or intelligent to belie the intention of the post, which is, please look at my body. | ||
Right, or they'll get stereotyped. | ||
But it looks dumb. | ||
You have a roomy quote. | ||
It looks complex. | ||
Quoting Gandhi with your nipples out. | ||
What are you doing? | ||
It depends on the person too, right? | ||
Some people, that's really them. | ||
It's all about whether or not it's authentic. | ||
Excuse me. | ||
Authentic. | ||
If you're showing real authenticity, then people sort of resonate with that. | ||
It makes sense. | ||
But if you're not, if it just seems like you're just trying to bullshit people, that comes across too. | ||
I completely agree. | ||
But it's a hard sell. | ||
unidentified
|
When you've got your tits hanging out and you're talking about Gandhi, It is, because the two have nothing to do with each other. | |
Especially when you're doing this one, where you're covering your boobs with your hands and you're talking deep. | ||
Yeah, I think it's something that people don't question because they're like, okay, this will offset the intensity of that, but nobody realizes how weird that juxtaposition is. | ||
Same with guys, right? | ||
If a guy's got a greasy six-pack and is pondering his own mortality and his... | ||
I talk about this on stage. | ||
Do you? | ||
All girls, you know, we all post these, like, positive quotes, feeling better, but it's even weirder when a guy, like, posts a thing about, like, a lion doesn't ask permission to run down its prey. | ||
I'm like, you work at Cutco, and you do, like, a 30-minute workout. | ||
Like, I don't need this from you. | ||
I don't need my inspiration from you! | ||
A lion. | ||
I just go for it. | ||
I'm like, cool, you work for Sensi. | ||
It is funny, the chest puffing stuff. | ||
It is funny. | ||
And it's just a normal, natural male pattern behavior. | ||
Guys love to do that. | ||
And they love to read shit like that and go, fuck yeah, I'm a lion too, bro. | ||
Me too. | ||
You a Rogan lion? | ||
I'm a Rogan lion. | ||
We run together. | ||
We serve Joe. | ||
Oh boy. | ||
Oh boy, they're coming for you. | ||
Boy, yeah the whole Instagram thing of like being able to project an image and Like to try to like cultivate that and try to get people to think of you of you like you're trying Actively to get people to think about you in a certain way. | ||
Yeah, you know There's a there's a weird unhealthiness to that when you're aware of how people gonna like see the picture of you and You know like what do you think about when you see guys using filters? | ||
Does that make you sad? | ||
I guess I don't think about it, to be honest. | ||
I see guys using filters, I get sad. | ||
It's sad if you don't love the way your skin looks, but there's filters and there's filters. | ||
There's the filter that comes with the phone, and then there's face-altering filters. | ||
Because you're presenting the best version of yourself, the curated version, which we all do to an extent. | ||
You know, you try to be authentic. | ||
And now I think about if you don't mind your P's and Q's, like how vulnerable your profile is to be canceled. | ||
You know, if you aren't careful about that, like what's up for grabs is your career. | ||
You know, like I... I took Wheels Up, which is like a private plane company, and I took it last night to get here in time because there was no way to physically get here without doing like a seven-hour red-eye kind of thing that would have exhausted me, and there's a lot of other things that go along with that. | ||
So I did that, and part of the deal is you take it and you put a post up. | ||
And I had this girl that was like, endorsing private jets? | ||
Unfollow. | ||
And you're like, you don't understand how social media works. | ||
You don't understand my schedule. | ||
How dare you fucking judge me? | ||
Like, it's so easy, and you want to rip them apart. | ||
So all of a sudden, all my solar panels, all my conservation work, all the plastic that I don't use... | ||
Doesn't matter because I did something for my physical health to get me somewhere for a demanding press. | ||
Not only that, let's be real. | ||
If you offered that bitch a ride on a private jet, she'd take it in a heartbeat. | ||
Asshole out, deuces up, filter on. | ||
But also it's like, attack a company and their carbon emissions and oil spills. | ||
And don't give me the straw man argument of like, if everyone took private jets, yeah, well they don't. | ||
And I took one. | ||
Get off my fucking sack. | ||
You're so feisty. | ||
It's so hilarious to watch you get ramped up for an argument with someone in the comments. | ||
It's so hilarious. | ||
I erased it. | ||
I said nothing. | ||
I was like, you're not going to get me. | ||
Did you block her too? | ||
No. | ||
She was like, unfollow. | ||
And I just said nothing. | ||
I was like, I got a movie coming out. | ||
I can't get canceled over. | ||
Unfollow. | ||
Ripping you to pieces. | ||
She's unfollowing and announcing it. | ||
So rude. | ||
Let me know. | ||
I'm out of here. | ||
You ruined everything because you didn't want to take a seven hour red eye for a four hour trip. | ||
How dare you fly private? | ||
How dare you as a woman do something that benefits you? | ||
Did you go to her profile first and snoop around? | ||
No. | ||
Try to find weakness? | ||
No, I was too busy eating brie on the private plane. | ||
It was so turbulent. | ||
I didn't feel well. | ||
It was a bad choice. | ||
Do you think you're going to see her post again? | ||
Maybe she'll come back to you. | ||
unidentified
|
I erased it. | |
I don't know who this person is. | ||
But maybe you have it in the back of your head. | ||
She can always come back. | ||
I didn't block her because what happens is they get angry and then they're like, but I miss her content of her kissing her dog and they always come back. | ||
They always come back. | ||
You want to see me do morning sweetness with Tian Fu, you gotta check in with that profile. | ||
What about you kissing the dog on a private plane? | ||
Unacceptable. | ||
The dog doesn't fly. | ||
What if you do a couple of posts of you flying coach? | ||
Just to balance it out. | ||
That doesn't work. | ||
unidentified
|
Southwest? | |
They won't see those. | ||
Jammed in? | ||
They won't see those. | ||
I could be holding lepers in a colony and draining my bank account and then the next day I'd use a straw and they'd be like, how could you? | ||
Plastic straw unfollow. | ||
You ruined everything. | ||
Unfollow. | ||
I heard about a girl who died because she tripped and she had a metal straw. | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
And the metal straw went through her fucking eyeball and killed her. | ||
Yes. | ||
Did you hear about that? | ||
Uh-huh. | ||
Probably not even real, right? | ||
Probably one of those Richard Gere gerbil up the ass rumors that you just hear. | ||
I had a babysitter when I was a kid who had a shriveled hand because I don't know if it was a lollipop stick or a straw that went through the back of her mouth and hit a nerve. | ||
Whoa. | ||
But what is that? | ||
What does that prove? | ||
What do we get from that? | ||
Freak things happen. | ||
Don't trip with a lollipop. | ||
Don't trip. | ||
Don't be sucking on lollipops. | ||
Well, metal straws are kind of crazy because you really can kill somebody with a metal straw. | ||
You can kill someone with anything. | ||
Yeah. | ||
The story's real, but it adds, in the same paragraph, explains how she died, that she had scoliosis and fell a lot. | ||
Oh, shit. | ||
You don't die of scoliosis, though. | ||
No, no, no, but she fell a lot. | ||
She fell a lot anyway, and she happened to have the straw. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Oof. | ||
Well, no one's advocating for getting rid of metal straws. | ||
I think we have too many, quite frankly. | ||
Too many metal straws? | ||
People don't understand. | ||
sustainability, the idea is that you have the one thing, you reuse it, not you buy a ton of these instead. | ||
That's what happens. | ||
Like reusable water bottles, we should be issued five in a lifetime. | ||
And instead, every bottle, like that's the new thing is, oh, it's in a reusable bottle. | ||
I'm like, this doesn't count if you're not reusing it. | ||
I'm just amassing branded water bottles now. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Everybody has tumblers. | ||
They'll hand you tumblers, those like Yeti tumblers with their logos on it and shit. | ||
I love Yeti, so okay, but tumblers, this one's for your wine, this one's for your coffee. | ||
I'm like, why do we have to take our liquids with us everywhere? | ||
When did we get this thirsty? | ||
That's an interesting question. | ||
As a nation. | ||
You know what I love when fitness influencers carry those large jugs of water everywhere to let you know they drink so much water. | ||
I have a full gallon that I bring with me everywhere I go. | ||
Working it down every day. | ||
That's a weird flex. | ||
It's a weird flex because you're spending so much of your time in the toilet. | ||
Yeah, you gotta pee four or five times a day. | ||
Yeah. | ||
And you know, they say that's not even really necessary to drink that much water. | ||
You really should just drink water when you're thirsty. | ||
You should be hydrated, but you're really not supposed to drink water all day long like that. | ||
I don't know if there's a real benefit to it. | ||
Maybe it's debatable. | ||
It's definitely debatable, but also what about doing things so they feel good? | ||
Drink water till you're full. | ||
Don't force it. | ||
You'll never be hydrated enough that it's enough for some people. | ||
You're never going to get younger because you drank eight gallons of water. | ||
You're going to die. | ||
So just drink when you're, what? | ||
You could drown yourself if you drink too much water. | ||
You can. | ||
Yeah. | ||
So you did the look again. | ||
You can. | ||
I know. | ||
What's the look? | ||
You gave me a look like, I don't know. | ||
You're so sensitive today. | ||
I don't know what happened. | ||
Maybe it's that private jet. | ||
I just, now when people look me in the eye. | ||
What? | ||
I look you in the eye all the time. | ||
No, I know what I'm saying. | ||
unidentified
|
Because of the jet. | |
Okay. | ||
Regular people look me in the eye. | ||
It was one jet I had to get here. | ||
Listen, that lady needs to relax. | ||
She would take that jet with you, I guarantee you. | ||
In a heartbeat. | ||
Fuck yeah. | ||
Most of the things that people get mad at for those kind of things is just because they can't afford it and so they find a reason to mock it or shame it. | ||
Well, you must know that on a specific level. | ||
Just because of the success you've had and more recently that, you know, with Spotify and everything. | ||
I mean, you must field your fair share of that. | ||
I'm sure, if I looked. | ||
You're a perceptive person. | ||
You're a comic. | ||
I'm a harsh critic of myself, so I don't really need other people's criticism. | ||
I'm all over myself. | ||
No, no one needs it. | ||
I just mean, you must be aware of it. | ||
Oh yeah, I'm sure. | ||
Well, I know how I would make fun of me. | ||
Sure. | ||
You know? | ||
And I definitely, if I was like one of those eco-conscious people, I might have like fucking ten muscle cars. | ||
I'd make fun of those. | ||
You can offset that by saying you kill your own meat. | ||
I'd do that. | ||
And that's something that's hard to do. | ||
It's not easy. | ||
So, to me, that's really walk. | ||
I don't want to do that, but that is walking the walk versus buying processed meat or something. | ||
And everybody does what they can. | ||
There's a lot of that out here. | ||
So many people hunt out here. | ||
It's crazy. | ||
A lot of people hunt. | ||
So many people hunt. | ||
I mean, I run into, like, it's almost like half the men I meet out here hunt. | ||
They want to either tell you about a place or take you to a place or ask you about a place. | ||
Guns are a big part. | ||
Oh, my God. | ||
Everybody has guns out here. | ||
When I was growing up, my best friend, her parents would do... | ||
I don't even know the terms for this, but they would on weekends, we go on Sundays in the suburban and we go to like a field and they would dress up in period costumes like turn of the century at the time the going into the 20th century from the 19th century, like Western period costumes. | ||
And they would have timed shooting events and they'd all have cowboy names like a boy named Sue and like all these names or like Comanche, like depending on your heritage, you'd all be dressed up and they'd have these like Winchester rifles, like these antique guns. | ||
and they would have time shooting events and we would watch. | ||
Wow. | ||
Is this the type of guys you were dating that were doing this kind of thing to? | ||
No, that's not something I look for. | ||
It was something I also didn't think was odd until, you know, you get a little bit farther in life. | ||
You're like, oh, most parents don't do that. | ||
My parents didn't. | ||
That's so funny. | ||
Anytime people are reenacting shit, like reenacting the Civil War battles or reenacting cowboys and Indians... | ||
Yeah, what if you're the one that dies? | ||
You're just laying there all day? | ||
Well, how do you reenact cowboys and Indians? | ||
You don't have to have the Indians shoot at you with arrows with rubber tips? | ||
Do they do that? | ||
I thought it was always Civil War. | ||
I wonder. | ||
I don't know. | ||
Because this wasn't reenactment as much as just playing the part and then having a timed event. | ||
And you could win old bullets and old coins. | ||
Old bullets? | ||
It was never, like, my thing. | ||
Muskets and shit? | ||
They had everything. | ||
Oh, that's so weird. | ||
This was more, like, later than muskets. | ||
So this was, like, the guns were from, like, early 1900s, late 1800s. | ||
So they had cartridges and shit? | ||
I gotta be honest, I never looked that close. | ||
Because it was just so... | ||
My parents are New York Jews. | ||
I was just going with my best friend. | ||
It was very much her parents. | ||
Very Texan. | ||
That's so Texas. | ||
Yeah. | ||
That's such a weird thing. | ||
I've never even heard of anybody out here doing that. | ||
I don't think you're meant to hear about it. | ||
No? | ||
It's like a skull and bones type thing? | ||
People keep it on the sneak tip? | ||
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
Maybe no one does it. | ||
I don't know. | ||
Maybe it's a Dallas thing. | ||
I don't know. | ||
The Civil War thing is very weird. | ||
Because that has all these, like, weird racial undertones to it. | ||
Like, are you trying to win? | ||
unidentified
|
The Civil War? | |
No. | ||
The reenactment. | ||
I'm kidding. | ||
I'm like, are you trying to win? | ||
Like, what are you trying to do? | ||
If you're playing for the South... | ||
Yeah. | ||
Who's like, I want to be the one that loses? | ||
Right. | ||
They're probably... | ||
I don't know. | ||
Here's the thing. | ||
Hey, I'm leaving my house. | ||
I know it's hot outside. | ||
I'm gonna put on this crusty gray uniform. | ||
I'm gonna go lay in a field for six hours and scream union. | ||
Like, what are you gonna do? | ||
God, it's just such a weird fucking thing to want to get into. | ||
I mean, how far back do people take it? | ||
I mean, do people pretend to be cavemen? | ||
Do they make their own flint arrows? | ||
I think some people just naturally are. | ||
I don't know. | ||
I think all types of battles. | ||
I mean, you got a, what is it, 12th century samurai? | ||
I think people are just fascinated by bygone battles. | ||
Celtic warriors, Vikings, things like that. | ||
I'm fascinated by history, for sure, but not fascinated enough to dress up like I'm going to pretend. | ||
It's weird. | ||
That's where I draw the line. | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
LARPing. | ||
What is this, Jamie? | ||
It's the Alamo reenactment they do every year. | ||
Oh, Christ. | ||
Look at these fucking dorks. | ||
Oh my god. | ||
We gotta go, dude. | ||
Is that the Alamo? | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
That's what it looks like? | ||
It's very small. | ||
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
Where is it? | ||
San Antonio. | ||
Oh, that's real close. | ||
That's like an hour away from here. | ||
It's literally an hour away from here. | ||
Field trip. | ||
It is in the middle of a town square. | ||
It's tiny. | ||
And they reenact it? | ||
So they reenact the battle? | ||
I mean, I just saw some quick video of, like, cannons and... | ||
Oh, Jesus Christ. | ||
They're actually gonna light that cannon? | ||
Go back there. | ||
I want to see them light that fucking cannon. | ||
That's so ridiculous. | ||
Hear he! | ||
Hear ye! | ||
Give me some volume. | ||
Let me hear these dorks. | ||
Yeah, let's hear this. | ||
Go back a little. | ||
That's so tiny! | ||
There's no volume. | ||
I don't think it's just music playing. | ||
Doesn't he say stupid shit before it? | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
Probably just fire in the hole? | ||
unidentified
|
What a fucking weird thing to be into. | |
That's what it was like back then if you shot a cannon. | ||
That's what it sounded like. | ||
The slowest battle. | ||
You'll probably dodge those balls. | ||
Probably see them coming. | ||
That's brutal, bloody, like, don't shoot till you see the whites of their eyes kind of thing. | ||
Like, reloading a musket three feet from someone, like, can you just stand there so I can get a shot? | ||
Well, that's why the Indians fucked them up. | ||
Especially the Comanches, because they could fire multiple arrows. | ||
Because they had to get off their horses to shoot rifles back in the days. | ||
They would literally get off their horses and stop and aim, and the Comanches would shoot from the horses. | ||
Sure. | ||
Rapid fire. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Yeah. | ||
They would hold like five hours in their fingers and just shoot one, shoot another, shoot another, shoot another. | ||
That's the true hand-to-hand. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Yeah. | ||
They don't reenact those battles. | ||
Nobody wants to address just getting like walloped by them. | ||
This is an Ohio thing, so I know you guys definitely don't know about this, but when you're talking about the Indian thing, I was looking. | ||
They don't do this in this show. | ||
It's a play they do in Ohio called Tecumseh. | ||
It's about Tecumseh from the 1700s, but it is literally a battle between Indians and white people, and they do the full thing. | ||
Act like people are dying. | ||
Capture people. | ||
It's a play, though. | ||
That's cool. | ||
That's different. | ||
Yeah, it's slightly different. | ||
A play is different than a reenactment. | ||
It's still pretty dorky. | ||
These fucking dorks. | ||
But also, it's a little dorky. | ||
Wearing fucking deer skins and shit and running around pretending to tomahawk people. | ||
Get the fuck out of here. | ||
Look, he's dead. | ||
Oh my god, each summer we should go. | ||
We should go and get obliterated high. | ||
Just get so high that you can't walk and just sit there and watch. | ||
A lot of the tickets are for senior citizens. | ||
Of course they are. | ||
Who the fuck else is gonna go? | ||
I don't know. | ||
People are like, we could have won that battle. | ||
And we would own this ground. | ||
He's like, I was there. | ||
I was there. | ||
I had my musket loaded. | ||
I like that voice. | ||
Misfired. | ||
Misfired. | ||
And then the wife is mad. | ||
You keep bringing that up. | ||
Stop telling that story. | ||
Stop telling the story of how we met. | ||
Back in the old Indian fighting days. | ||
Reenactments are fucking strange. | ||
It's strange to dwell in the past, right? | ||
That's part of the weirdness of it. | ||
Yeah, it's one thing to... | ||
Because I guess it's like you put them in the same category as the guys that work in a historical town and you dress up as Ben Franklin and you give the talk, you know? | ||
But that's about imparting some real knowledge versus just playing battle, I guess. | ||
Yeah, I guess. | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
I was in St. Augustine, Florida recently. | ||
America's oldest city. | ||
Is it really? | ||
That's the oldest city? | ||
Yeah. | ||
St. Augustine, Florida. | ||
What's it like? | ||
Kind of Spanish, kind of old. | ||
Cute. | ||
Cute? | ||
Cute's the main word I used. | ||
And I went to a coffee shop that used to be a blacksmith shop in the 1700s. | ||
It was cute. | ||
It's cool. | ||
It's got that real Spanish sort of war vibe. | ||
Like a lot of crumbled brick walls and a lot of... | ||
It's Florida, so it's a different vibe than anything up north. | ||
If you could go back in a time to any era and just visit for a little bit, where would you go? | ||
Probably like five years ago and just make some different choices about the clubs I played. | ||
Just pick a different... | ||
You wouldn't want to go to like watch Ben Franklin get electrocuted. | ||
unidentified
|
You'd... | |
Am I just seeing like a specific moment or is it just like... | ||
Like if I give you a week, you could spend a week and you knew you'd be safe. | ||
Okay, I just think the 60s were a really formative time for this country. | ||
And I think getting like hopping around just to the vibe and just all the unrest and the change and really coming out of losing our innocence as a nation and sort of catapulting us into what would become the country. | ||
I think the 60s were really fascinating. | ||
I bet a lot of people in the future are going to say that about the 20s, what's happening right now. | ||
20s would be cool? | ||
These 20s, 2020s. | ||
I think people are going to be talking about all the changes happening right here, right now, in the future. | ||
They're going to be saying it's one of the most tumultuous periods in the history of the country. | ||
We'll look back and it'll be scary. | ||
I don't know. | ||
Everybody was afraid of getting canceled. | ||
People were eating each other. | ||
Nobody was listening to science. | ||
Even as it's happening, I'm like, we are coming across like We're all fucking idiots, like animals. | ||
Well, we're unhinged in a lot of ways, and we're not anchored down by a real leader. | ||
You know, we don't really have a real leader in this country anymore. | ||
I mean, you could say Joe Biden is the president, he's our leader, and you'd be correct on paper, but, I mean, everybody knows he's out of his mind. | ||
He's just, he's barely hanging in there. | ||
I just think we've dealt with, you know, you have... | ||
Political unrest coming out of Donald Trump. | ||
You have this pandemic. | ||
You have so much fake news, opinions. | ||
There's so many outlets. | ||
It is maddening, regardless of how you believe. | ||
And you can't get a straight answer. | ||
You can't even substantiate your own facts with the right facts because it's hard to drill down those facts. | ||
Everybody that agrees with you sort of does in theory, but is it always in practice? | ||
And it is hard to find solid ground. | ||
And so it's scary just how... | ||
Angry the mob is and how, you know, if you look at like cancel culture, I don't even think people want an apology in many cases. | ||
They just want to see someone burn. | ||
They definitely do. | ||
It's like the middle, it's like the medieval, the medieval times. | ||
It's like medieval times, like the Middle Ages. | ||
It's a dark period. | ||
There's a disconnect between other people. | ||
That's happening when you're attacking someone online. | ||
They're not near you. | ||
You're not talking to them. | ||
They're not a human. | ||
They are the other. | ||
And you can attack them in that way. | ||
And if they get taken down, they lose their job. | ||
People like it. | ||
They like it. | ||
It's like you scored a point. | ||
You're playing a video game. | ||
You killed a bad guy. | ||
Because people feel so helpless. | ||
I always think about that short story that we all had to read, The Lottery, where this town just randomly would draw straws to see who would get stoned to death. | ||
unidentified
|
Really? | |
And the woman, this is a famous short story, the woman who was like the biggest proponent of this in the end is the one that gets stoned. | ||
And of course, you know, it's like, and then they were upon her. | ||
But I think about that a lot. | ||
When did this happen? | ||
The lottery? | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
I don't know what year it was written. | ||
But it's real? | ||
Is it a real story? | ||
A true story? | ||
No, I don't think it's a true story. | ||
unidentified
|
I think it's fiction. | |
Oh, okay. | ||
Which is even better, because somebody at the time was like... | ||
You know, we want this justice. | ||
It's not even justice when the punishment outweighs the crime. | ||
But we so just want to see someone get devoured. | ||
If somebody genuinely offends me, there are apologies where you're like, okay, they meant that they fucked up. | ||
But for the most part, you're like, fuck that person. | ||
Even if they apologize, you're like, yeah, I know that they still secretly are anti-Semitic or racist or whatever, you know? | ||
And we do look at that snippet of a person. | ||
They did a thing and you're like, burn it all to the ground. | ||
There's no room for nuance. | ||
We do love like a public hanging. | ||
We have not come that far. | ||
Yeah, it's definitely still part of what it means to be a person. | ||
Especially if you don't know the person. | ||
Especially if they're famous, or good looking, or rich. | ||
It's even more delicious. | ||
Or someone who's wronged you, or you feel... | ||
There's no accounting for substance or character. | ||
It's just, they upset me, so they gotta go. | ||
Yeah, there's very few people in this day and age that are interested in empathy. | ||
100%. | ||
That's a real problem. | ||
Or at least publicly interested in empathy, where they're promoting it. | ||
You know, it's not something that we value as much as, you know, we value it in our personal lives. | ||
It's very important in your personal lives to be empathetic about family members and friends. | ||
But when it comes to, like, public figures, nobody gives a shit about empathy. | ||
Well, also, if you're the one that empathizes and you publicly come out, I come out to defend my friend, that angry, it's almost like zombies, like they hear you breathing and they're like, and then they turn to, let's dig you up. | ||
Right. | ||
And so it's, you have to really decide what hills you want to die on. | ||
Some are important and some just like, sorry, buddy, they're going to eat you. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Well, sometimes you're not going to fix anything anyway. | ||
You just stay the fuck out of the way. | ||
I say that to them too. | ||
When they're being attacked, I might just stay offline. | ||
Literally, if people could just chill for 48 hours, the mob will find someone else. | ||
Unless you killed someone. | ||
Right. | ||
The news cycle's so quick. | ||
That's what's weird. | ||
News. | ||
Yeah, whatever it is. | ||
The public opinion cycle where things hit a fever point. | ||
They boil over and then a new thing happens and that boils over. | ||
But meanwhile, that person's life is left. | ||
They're decimated. | ||
Everything's wrecked. | ||
All for what? | ||
To appease a company so they can say they fired someone or they can say... | ||
And now what? | ||
Now that person's ruined, and you've moved on, and we don't remember the headline. | ||
That's often the case. | ||
Some people deserve it, but for the most part, the punishments often outweigh the crimes, and it's just insane. | ||
Yeah, often. | ||
It's a strange time, because we have this ability with social media that never existed before, where any person could just sort of lash out, you know? | ||
The most helpless ones are usually the loudest ones. | ||
And then all of a sudden, they have a voice. | ||
And all of a sudden, you're making amends for someone you've never met, who you have no intention of hurting, but they are only aiming to rip you apart. | ||
And everything that you built. | ||
Well, it's so interesting when you see someone like that Christy Teigen situation. | ||
Chrissy Teigen, dad? | ||
Is that what her name is? | ||
Chrissy? | ||
What was her name? | ||
Chrissy Teigen. | ||
Chrissy? | ||
But I was reading some of the things she said. | ||
I'm like, people say that to people all the time, but the fact that she's doing it as a famous person, telling someone to kill themselves or hope you die or hope you're canceled forever, whatever the fuck she said. | ||
People are so mad. | ||
People are so mad, but I also think with someone like her, people really wanted a reason because she's good-looking and she's wealthy, you know, and that could have been anyone. | ||
People want that reason. | ||
They also want to secretly know that celebrities are actually shitty people. | ||
Some people like that because they think that in order to become famous or to make it, you have to be a piece of shit. | ||
Well, let Hughes without saying cast the first stone. | ||
These people who are always like... | ||
You should put that on an Instagram post sticking your ass out. | ||
I'd put my butthole out and be like, do you have sin? | ||
Don't cast this stone. | ||
But everybody, you know, like, I can't believe you did that. | ||
And she's like, you're going to have a hard time believing in anything if you are disappointed every time you find out somebody did something you disagree with. | ||
Yeah, we all fuck up. | ||
We all say terrible things. | ||
The question is not about not doing them. | ||
It's about making sure that you're not caught. | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
I say horrible things all the time. | ||
I'm not going to put it in writing. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Well, especially as a comic. | ||
Some of the shit that we've said to each other in the back room just to try to get a rise out of another comedian makes us laugh. | ||
Which is a sacred thing. | ||
And I actually believe in your audience, look, we have to look at intention and you have to enter into this. | ||
This is a tacit agreement between me and my audience. | ||
You're gonna get offended at what I'm saying, so you get upset. | ||
I'm like, well, would you feel better if I said that joke 45 minutes in, so I made fun of everybody else first? | ||
You know, like, the pendulum swings both ways, and so people get offended because you hurt their feelings on that one thing. | ||
I'm like, but you were fine when I was making fun of myself and other people. | ||
It's just when it came for you, you couldn't separate the two. | ||
And there's no malintent. | ||
I don't want to hurt anybody. | ||
People just love being offended though. | ||
They do. | ||
They do. | ||
They get excited about a moment that they can be outraged. | ||
A moment where they could find just a real clear green light. | ||
They're allowed to hit the gas. | ||
Yeah. | ||
And go crazy. | ||
And feel valid and seen. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Look what she did. | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
I'm the one to lead this charge. | ||
unidentified
|
I feel seen. | |
Yeah. | ||
The power. | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
Ah, the monkey paw. | ||
Very exciting. | ||
It's exciting stuff. | ||
Well, it's definitely an exciting time to be a stand-up. | ||
Ari Shafir said it best. | ||
He said, stand-up is dangerous again. | ||
He goes, this is a great time for stand-up. | ||
It's dangerous. | ||
It doesn't feel dangerous to me because I believe if you're speaking with purpose and intention and you're backing up genuinely funny jokes with intelligence, it's irrefutable. | ||
My goal is never to hurt someone. | ||
I don't just wield that. | ||
It's never for shock value. | ||
For sure. | ||
But it is a weird time where someone can take your jokes out of context and print them. | ||
And then it loses all of what you were trying to do. | ||
It loses all of its intent. | ||
Sure. | ||
I don't think stuff like that carries much weight simply because... | ||
Granted, people will look at that. | ||
They won't look at the context. | ||
But it's kind of like, yeah, but when you look at the source material, it goes away. | ||
It doesn't have legs. | ||
Yeah. | ||
And, you know, there's that book, So You've Been Publicly Shamed, that came out a couple years ago. | ||
John Ronson. | ||
And the guy that was profiled, there was all these people, and there was one guy who had been shamed for something sexual, like a sex party or doing something. | ||
And of all the people profiled, he didn't lose anything because he refused to be shamed for it. | ||
And I do think, without a Lady Duff protest too much aspect of it, there was something to be said, like, no, this is what I meant. | ||
You guys are fucking dumb. | ||
Read the whole thing. | ||
And then just be done with it. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Not constantly apologizing, retracting, walking it back. | ||
Well, there's also the people reading the comments. | ||
So once something like that happens, you realize people are attacking you. | ||
Some people, they drown in other people's opinions of them. | ||
unidentified
|
Sure. | |
And they just get carried away in it. | ||
And if they engage and they prolong it, then they're attached to what people have said about their comments about their comments. | ||
So they go back and forth and read their replies. | ||
Right, you're like, what are we even talking about? | ||
Yeah, it just gets crazy. | ||
No, you can't let that define you. | ||
When I make comments about a comment section, it's more of a comment about the tone of a society. | ||
But I don't take these things home and think I should change something because a person had an issue. | ||
Do you do any meditating? | ||
I'm supposed to say yes, but I don't. | ||
I try to have quiet moments. | ||
I'm not... | ||
unidentified
|
I'm supposed to say yes. | |
My husband meditates. | ||
He seems like he meditates. | ||
He's the perfect guy for you. | ||
He's so chill. | ||
He's so chill. | ||
And I love him so much. | ||
He always has a slight smile. | ||
He's always like this. | ||
Because you see him at the comedy store and he loves being there. | ||
I'm not one of his favorite comics and I'm okay with that. | ||
He loves seeing Marc Maron. | ||
He likes being there when we could bring people. | ||
It's cool. | ||
He was a fan of comedy before he met me. | ||
You can't bring people there anymore? | ||
It's not like it was. | ||
Maybe it is now. | ||
I haven't been home in a couple weeks. | ||
It was a hang. | ||
It was a moment. | ||
He's got a very still inner confidence. | ||
He's not loud. | ||
He's an easy going guy. | ||
I always enjoy his company. | ||
Yeah, and so... | ||
It's perfect for you. | ||
Yeah, we're both, uh, we both really like me. | ||
unidentified
|
That's so true, though. | |
It's so true. | ||
He's a sweet man. | ||
He's great. | ||
And I never, you know, I get asked all these questions because I'm a girl like, so, you just got married. | ||
I'm like, it was three years ago. | ||
Like, we don't talk about this anymore. | ||
But there's all these questions about him and I'm like, my husband's not in the act because I don't want to, I'm protective of that. | ||
Right, of course. | ||
He's not an idiot. | ||
I'm not a monster. | ||
Like, we have a very nice, normal marriage and that's not where I get my comedy from. | ||
Well, he's not a person. | ||
He's not a public person. | ||
He's not interested in that. | ||
He doesn't read the comic. | ||
He is one of those. | ||
Good. | ||
And he's very like, he's like, this is who I am. | ||
Healthy. | ||
Smart. | ||
But that's how, like, it's funny, you know, because I've known you for so long and you've had so many different relationships while I've known you, and it's like, what is it? | ||
It's like, you gotta find the thing that works. | ||
And so many people, especially so many of us, so many comedians, you go through life and you don't find someone who fits you, you know? | ||
I just ran into a comic the other night who told me he got divorced because his wife wanted him to quit comedy. | ||
I was like, fuck. | ||
That's rough because... | ||
I mean, is he successful? | ||
He's doing alright. | ||
He's not doing terrible. | ||
It's tough because that is a big part of your communication when you get married. | ||
Like, hey, this is the other woman in my life. | ||
Her name is Stand Up. | ||
Like, are you cool? | ||
And I think some people think they're cool, and then... | ||
Yeah, I think people sometimes long for normalcy, right? | ||
And they're tired of the guy going on the road every weekend, tired of him doing sets, and I guess he could do other things. | ||
And she was like, I want you to quit. | ||
And he's like, what? | ||
If that's someone's passion, that's such an unfair ask. | ||
I don't know what goes on in their home. | ||
I don't know either. | ||
Yeah, it's definitely, you gotta have ground rules. | ||
And that's one of the benefits of getting married a little bit older is like you are more of who you are. | ||
Right. | ||
It's less malleable based on suggestion. | ||
And so like on our first date, I ran to do a set. | ||
Oh, really? | ||
That's hilarious. | ||
Was he with you? | ||
Yeah. | ||
Did he come with you? | ||
We met for a movie and I was wearing like jean shorts and I don't really wear shorts on stage. | ||
So I brought pants in my bag just in case the movie didn't go well. | ||
So we got out. | ||
I was like, look, I got a set and would you like to come? | ||
And I was like, you're gonna have to see the act at some point. | ||
This is his first date? | ||
First date. | ||
That's hilarious. | ||
And the best part was, I mean, there were many great parts. | ||
There were drink tickets there. | ||
And my buddy Hunter, who opens for me, was running it. | ||
And I handed a ticket to Noah. | ||
And I said, if you want a drink, you know, I'm going to go on stage because I don't drink before shows. | ||
And he said, no, I'll wait for you. | ||
And I thought that was real. | ||
And then we got obliterated. | ||
unidentified
|
Together! | |
Well, that's cute. | ||
So it was a good start. | ||
It was a great start. | ||
Good character. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Showed good character. | ||
Well, again, it's like personalities fit. | ||
You gotta find the fit for you. | ||
You found the fit for you. | ||
It should be easy. | ||
This is what I always want to tell. | ||
I don't have the key to success or relationships. | ||
I'm not a guru. | ||
It should always be easy. | ||
Oh, he's going through something. | ||
Oh, he didn't call. | ||
No. | ||
A man will move a mountain to see a girl that he likes. | ||
It's easy. | ||
It's gonna get harder and that's okay, but it should start easy. | ||
It should start fun, for sure. | ||
Fun for a very long time. | ||
Yeah. | ||
And sexual. | ||
It should be all those things. | ||
But it should be fun and comfortable. | ||
Like, I felt like I knew him forever. | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
That's rare, right? | ||
That's rare, but it's so nice if you could find someone like that. | ||
And the other thing is he's also an artist, right? | ||
Chefs are artists. | ||
They really are. | ||
He's a writer, and he's an artist. | ||
But I didn't think about food as art until I watched Bourdain's show. | ||
Yeah. | ||
When I first watched the No Reservations when he had that show and I was like, oh, and it kind of clicked. | ||
I was like, this isn't just making stuff that tastes good. | ||
You're not a short order cook, right? | ||
Yeah. | ||
There's thought when he, you know, we have a cookbook. | ||
He has a cookbook coming out. | ||
We do a cooking show called Don't Panic Pantry and he got a cookbook deal. | ||
You do? | ||
We're at 220 episodes and we- Really? | ||
We started doing it in the pandemic. | ||
Why don't you tell me about this? | ||
I didn't know about this. | ||
unidentified
|
I'm sure I did. | |
You don't answer every text. | ||
I tried to get you to watch my movie. | ||
I never heard back. | ||
I said, I'm on my way to you today. | ||
Nothing back. | ||
I know. | ||
My publicist was like, are you sure Joe's going to be there? | ||
And I honestly, I was like... | ||
Sure, I'm going to be there. | ||
unidentified
|
I don't... | |
Male comics will be like, totally. | ||
And then you call and they're like, I totally forgot. | ||
You never know. | ||
No, not me. | ||
I sent a confirmation text this morning. | ||
Listen, you know I'll be there. | ||
I said it'll be fine, and you won't. | ||
If I'm anything, I am reliable. | ||
I am not a flake. | ||
No, no, you're not a flake. | ||
But I just don't have time. | ||
You don't have time. | ||
But my point is... | ||
So we've got a cookbook deal with Knopf. | ||
Tell me about your show. | ||
The cooking show, though. | ||
Joe, the show's called Don't Panic Pantry. | ||
And at the beginning of quarantine... | ||
You know, you're at home. | ||
We're home for like two weeks at the beginning. | ||
And I was like, why don't we just do a cooking show? | ||
You know so much about food and you have so much information. | ||
And I, of course, I want to interact with people and entertain them. | ||
And this was at a time where people were still, we didn't have all the information we do now. | ||
People were still going out to buy groceries, spreading this virus. | ||
And so it was our effort to like encourage people, stay home and cook with what you have. | ||
It'll be okay. | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
And saying things like, you know, you can go to an Indian market to get rice instead of going to Ralph's, your grocery store. | ||
It's okay to go to a Chinese market. | ||
Like, you're not going to get sick. | ||
Like, people were thinking these things. | ||
So giving out healthy information, things like that, and teaching people, here's what you got. | ||
Don't be precious about it. | ||
And we did it every day as a way to dispense information, but also calm people. | ||
So what did you put on YouTube? | ||
It's on my Instagram at IGTV. Oh, no kidding. | ||
So if you go to my page and you just hit this and you hit like series and you go Don't Panic Pantry. | ||
Oh, I didn't even... | ||
Oh, shit. | ||
We have 221 episodes. | ||
And how long are they usually? | ||
That's like a half hour. | ||
Or shorter. | ||
220 fucking episodes. | ||
We did one every day for months. | ||
Wow. | ||
And then I just started DMing companies to ask if they'd be our sponsors. | ||
So we got Dansk. | ||
We got Le Creuset. | ||
Wow. | ||
We just built it. | ||
And now we do it twice a week. | ||
But he got a cookbook. | ||
There it is. | ||
Look at this. | ||
Don't panic, pantry. | ||
It's super homemade, but it's become... | ||
Rice noodle salad with kale and anamame. | ||
It's become like appointment viewing. | ||
It's kind of like people find it very comforting. | ||
We have a little... | ||
Some fan made all those. | ||
Those are all dishes that we... | ||
Well, they're on the... | ||
Dishes that we made. | ||
She made them out of clay. | ||
Wow. | ||
People send stuff. | ||
And so it's become this nice thing. | ||
And he got a cookbook deal. | ||
So these are all his recipes. | ||
No shit. | ||
That's fucking cool. | ||
Good for you. | ||
I don't wear makeup. | ||
We're just in our kitchen. | ||
I don't give a fuck. | ||
We got the dog. | ||
That's awesome. | ||
And we're there. | ||
I love how people innovated during the pandemic. | ||
A lot of people, it elevated them in many ways because it made them think out of the box and forced them to do stuff. | ||
You know, like how Burt Kreischer invented those drive-in movie shows. | ||
Burt Kreischer invented not just drive-in movie shows, but as I understand it, stand-up comedy and I think podcasting, right? | ||
Yeah, he taught me everything I know. | ||
But also, like, Andrew Schultz invented that, like, he did that sort of stand-up for Instagram thing that he was doing that turned into a series on Netflix. | ||
Did you ever see any of those stuff that he did? | ||
They're really good, really well written. | ||
And there's like a series of rapid fire jokes. | ||
He would say, turn your phone sideways. | ||
He would start off with something. | ||
Would he bring up a point? | ||
And he'd say, turn your phone sideways. | ||
So when you turn your phone sideways, you would get the full screen image of it. | ||
And then he would have these rapid fire joke, joke, joke about all these different people and different things and different moments in history. | ||
And then when he did that... | ||
Sold it to Netflix. | ||
And so he did, what did he do, like four of them for Netflix? | ||
So he did four of those for Netflix. | ||
They were awesome. | ||
And so he figured out a way to do something different and innovate. | ||
Tim Dillon figured out a way. | ||
Like Tim just started doing these ranting podcasts, wearing sunglasses, just making fun with his producer, Ben. | ||
And it was genius. | ||
Doing it that, like forcing yourself to come up with something else you can do. | ||
An alternative way to do it. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Whether it is the drive-in shows or a podcast or... | ||
A comedy show over Zoom, whatever. | ||
Something. | ||
Because the market dictates that people don't like it. | ||
They don't do it. | ||
But a lot of people didn't innovate. | ||
Some people crumbled. | ||
Some people had to get out. | ||
Some people weren't able to, whatever. | ||
But I think coming out of this, if you were healthy and you had the means to do something and expand your mind creatively, we couldn't do stand-up for so long. | ||
I didn't want to do any Zoom shows. | ||
Good for you. | ||
It's not my thing. | ||
They just don't work. | ||
I understand why comics would want to do them. | ||
If you didn't have to do it, don't do it. | ||
A lot of comics were like, I didn't have to do stand-up during the pandemic. | ||
And I was like, I didn't have to. | ||
I wanted to. | ||
And now I have a brand new hour because I work throughout. | ||
But I got a book deal during it. | ||
I was able to put energy toward writing and other things that I normally reserve that for stand-up. | ||
So... | ||
Yeah, you kept moving. | ||
You found a way. | ||
You found a new path. | ||
You kept moving. | ||
I gained like five pounds. | ||
Congratulations. | ||
Thank you. | ||
That's not bad for the pandemic. | ||
I bought a house. | ||
I did a bunch of stuff that I normally would be like, I don't have time. | ||
I'm going flying somewhere. | ||
I basically did everything the same, except I moved here. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Just moved here and tested everybody. | ||
But you know what? | ||
Not one fucking guest turned positive. | ||
Not one guest was positive. | ||
The only people that ever tested positive were Jamie. | ||
Tony Hinchcliffe tested positive, but he knew he was positive when he got here. | ||
Cool. | ||
Well, we had him come here because he was feeling like shit. | ||
I said, come get tested. | ||
unidentified
|
Right. | |
So he came down and got positive because we test every day. | ||
unidentified
|
Right. | |
And no other guests, like not one guest that came here was positive, which is kind of crazy because it's hundreds of guests. | ||
That's good. | ||
Good for you. | ||
Yeah, but so it could be done, you know? | ||
I mean, it was expensive, especially the testing thing. | ||
Right, for sure. | ||
unidentified
|
Especially in the beginning. | |
It's really expensive. | ||
That's very expensive. | ||
And then other than that, just didn't do stand-up for a long time. | ||
And then I did one weekend in July and I was like, Jesus Christ. | ||
I did it in Houston. | ||
I was like, this seems risky. | ||
I don't want to do this because I don't want to get someone else sick. | ||
And then I started doing these outdoor shows with Dave. | ||
Dave Chappelle. | ||
And then when we did that, because I hate when people do that, you know, use the one name. | ||
Well, I actually, at first I was like, Dave, and then had you not said Chappelle, actually my first thought was a tell. | ||
I was like, I guess, I don't know. | ||
I'd love to do shows with him, too. | ||
But when we started doing those, we'd test the whole audience. | ||
Yes. | ||
Again, a very expensive endeavor. | ||
Yeah, really expensive. | ||
And then he ended up getting it. | ||
Here in Austin, I'm pretty sure. | ||
He got it from his... | ||
I don't want to say who the dude was. | ||
Right, so not a great idea. | ||
The problem was the guy he was hanging with was loose. | ||
And he was violating the bubble. | ||
They had a very serious bubble. | ||
And they did a great job with this. | ||
They really did. | ||
But, you know, when you have a lot of friends, and Dave has a lot of friends, occasionally some of them fellas are knuckleheads. | ||
And they go out and hang around with a bunch of just randos. | ||
This is how a pandemic spreads in general. | ||
So it's not just a him problem, but whatever. | ||
Also, they weren't taking the right vitamins. | ||
They weren't, like, taking care of themselves. | ||
They're drinking and partying all the time. | ||
I mean, everybody thinks, oh, I got my bubble and my friends only see one other person. | ||
It took time for people to really wrap their minds around, especially if you live in a dense city. | ||
Look, I get it. | ||
If you live in Nebraska, this is not an imminent threat. | ||
But if you live in a city like Los Angeles, with a lot of people who don't have access to resources and stuff like that, it's a different threat. | ||
So I'm not going to preach about it, but I am going to say it was devastating for the city I live in. | ||
Yeah, for sure. | ||
The way Dave did it was really brilliant, too, where he started doing those shows in Ohio in an outdoor wedding chapel. | ||
He's just fucking genius. | ||
Just so smart. | ||
Sure. | ||
Fly in all your friends. | ||
I would have loved to have done one of those. | ||
And your audience can come. | ||
He's doing them now. | ||
I don't know him. | ||
I'll connect you. | ||
Okay. | ||
I think if he wanted me, he would have reached me. | ||
Well, he'd probably have to meet you first. | ||
We met. | ||
We were the only two comics at the Comedy Store Christmas Party one year, but I don't know. | ||
unidentified
|
Really? | |
Yeah, it was of headlining comics, and I don't put myself in the same category as Dave Chappelle, so don't even. | ||
But... | ||
Yeah, it was just like me, him, and like no other bigger comics had shown up, at least for like the hour or two we were there. | ||
I think we had like a drink, but I don't... | ||
I have so much respect for him. | ||
He is one of the nicest people I've ever met in my life. | ||
He's very nice. | ||
He's so nice. | ||
Very grounded and kind of like you, like wrote his own ticket, like I'll do whatever I want. | ||
Yeah. | ||
And I think there's a... | ||
That's the goal. | ||
But he has no like outward insecurity. | ||
He's like really calm and easy to get along with and friendly with everybody. | ||
Sure. | ||
Don't you find that the more successful, of course, they're insecure, successful people, but there's a bottom feeder level and there's this sort of cannibalized, angry level of comedy and everyone's vying for. | ||
And the more successful you become, the more secure, the more you sort of build your own reality and you got nothing to prove. | ||
There's no reason for him to be a dick because you have everything. | ||
You were saying, be nice. | ||
I have no reason to be mean to a comic coming up unless you're threatened, which you shouldn't be, which I'm not. | ||
And so... | ||
I think, you know, getting to a place where you can take that breath and be successful, I think that's... | ||
It's healthy. | ||
It's nice when you be successful in these people. | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah! | |
Because it's sad when someone makes it and they're still fucked up. | ||
Yeah. | ||
And they still treat the world like they're, you know, like they're starving and clawing and scratching and... | ||
It's a character flaw. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Yeah, it is. | ||
Okay. | ||
Let's wrap this up, Eliza. | ||
Tell everybody about your movie. | ||
It's on Netflix. | ||
When's it come out? | ||
It's out today. | ||
Oh, shit! | ||
unidentified
|
That was the whole reason I came here, to bookend our story! | |
Tell people the name of your film. | ||
I can't remember. | ||
Really? | ||
No, it's called Good on Paper. | ||
It's on Netflix, and I thought it would be... | ||
unidentified
|
There it is. | |
Will you at least watch the trailer? | ||
I sent you everything. | ||
Look at that. | ||
Oh, you got her to do it. | ||
Got Margaret Cho. | ||
Look at that. | ||
It's color corrected so I look nice. | ||
You do look very nice. | ||
The director was like, wear red. | ||
And I was like, okay, I could do that. | ||
Based on a not mostly true love story, Eliza Schlesinger. | ||
And there's the guy. | ||
Yeah, that's Ryan Hansen who played Dennis Kelly. | ||
And he wore these fake teeth. | ||
And he is a leading man who played a creep so well. | ||
He wore fake teeth to make him look goofy? | ||
Day one, he's like, I got a tooth guy. | ||
And he showed up with these big teeth. | ||
And the story is the story that we've told on this podcast. | ||
Wow. | ||
And I made this movie. | ||
And Netflix bought it. | ||
Universal was the distributor. | ||
It's giving me the creeps just watching this. | ||
Knowing that the guy in the movie is a liar. | ||
Yeah. | ||
But you watch it hoping, you know, it's got some twists and turns. | ||
I look fat in that scene, so we'll just move past it. | ||
You don't look fat. | ||
There's one shot where I'm standing and it's like, oh no, bad sweater. | ||
Yeah. | ||
I will watch this. | ||
I will watch this. | ||
That's me in the shorts I'm wearing now. | ||
Please do. | ||
I would love your opinion on it. | ||
I will watch it. | ||
I will watch it. | ||
So it's called Good on Paper. | ||
unidentified
|
It's out today. | |
All right. | ||
And thank you so much for having me. | ||
I love you. | ||
I love you. | ||
Come on. | ||
Can I have an Onnit bar? | ||
Yeah, sure. | ||
Thank you. | ||
Got a whole fucking machine full of them. | ||
All right. | ||
Liza Schlesinger, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
Thank you, everybody. |