Feb. 4, 2021 - The Joe Rogan Experience
04:18:54
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
|
unidentified
|
The Joe Rogan Experience. | |
| Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day. | ||
| Alright, moving on. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What's your brother? | |
| How are you? | ||
| I'm good, man. | ||
| Pleasure to get you in here, man. | ||
| Thanks for having me. | ||
| My pleasure. | ||
| You live in Houston. | ||
| Yes, I do. | ||
| Which has got a gigantic, rich history of stand-up comedy. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Well, we go back to Thea Vidal, Sam Kennison. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Did you ever do the Laugh Stop? | ||
| Did you do that place? | ||
| I did the Laugh Stop. | ||
| Did you do the old one in River Oaks or the upstairs one? | ||
| The old one in River Oaks. | ||
| Yeah, that was the shit, right? | ||
| That was the... | ||
| I always remember that place because that was the only time I've ever in life, and I'm ashamed of this, I wanted a comic to do bad. | ||
| And that was the only time I've ever wanted a comic to do bad, because I just started, maybe four months in, and the guy, so you had to go in, you had to sign this open mic list, and it's like 30 people on the list. | ||
| And I'm like number 27, and he's 26. And he's talking to me, he's like, yeah, man, I've been doing stand-up for 25 years, man, it's crazy. | ||
| And I was like, wow, 25 years. | ||
| And I'm thinking I'm a pretty good student of stand-ups. | ||
| And I'm like, I hope he's not good. | ||
| Because if he's good and he's 26 on this list and I just started and he's been doing it 25 years, I'm like, no, it's going to be a long road for me. | ||
| So I was like, no, and he wasn't. | ||
| I was like so relieved. | ||
| I was like, oh, goodness gracious. | ||
| That's a funny way. | ||
| There's a lot of layers to why someone succeeds or doesn't succeed in stand-up. | ||
| And if you're 25 years in and you're not doing well, you've taken a turn the wrong way somewhere. | ||
| At four months, you don't know that. | ||
| I'm literally... | ||
| Yeah, so I'm five months out of prison at this point. | ||
| So this is four months of me doing stand-up. | ||
| And I'm really like, man, I hope that this guy is not good. | ||
| Because he doesn't look like he's on drugs. | ||
| He doesn't look like he just went down some drug bench. | ||
| I'm like, he's pretty clean cut. | ||
| And I'm like, please be terrible. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Please be terrible. | |
| Please tear up. | ||
| Like I've seen other people that was terrible that night that was up earlier than him but I was like I just wanted him to be bad to be going right in front of me so I was like oh no I'm in a different ballgame. | ||
| If that's the only time you've ever wanted someone to do bad then you're psychologically well off. | ||
| Yeah that's the only time as a comic as a comic. | ||
| I've wanted my son to run into the table If that counts as... | ||
| Just a teachable lesson? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah. | |
| Like, I told him to stop running. | ||
| I was like, yo, man, stop running through here. | ||
| Stop running through here. | ||
| Like, yo, eventually he gonna hit this table. | ||
| So... | ||
| I booby-trapped it a little bit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What did you do? | |
| I put my house shoes right in the way and he didn't see them. | ||
| How old is he? | ||
| He's 10 now. | ||
| Oh, how old was he then? | ||
| Seven. | ||
| Seven's a good age to run into a table. | ||
| You're not so big that you're going to hurt yourself. | ||
| You're really just going to get hurt a little and like, ow! | ||
| But it's not going to be like an injury. | ||
| He fell apart. | ||
| When he hit the table, it's like, you ever hit your baby toe? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| It doesn't matter. | ||
| This is the only piece of your body that it does not matter. | ||
| Literally how big you are and how much you work out. | ||
| It doesn't matter. | ||
| I've seen giant... | ||
| My cousin's a huge dude. | ||
| I've seen him fold up in infant position from hitting his... | ||
| Barely scraped his baby toe on the edge of the table and he's folded up. | ||
| I'm like, yeah, all the muscles didn't help at all. | ||
| Well, it's a bitch-ass limb. | ||
| It has no power. | ||
| But it can put you down. | ||
| It literally can put you down. | ||
| It's too painful for such a weak thing. | ||
| It should be a thing. | ||
| There's certain parts of your body that don't hurt if you run them into things. | ||
| Like what part is that? | ||
| Knees. | ||
| You can hit things pretty fucking hard with your knee. | ||
| Elbow. | ||
| Unless you chip that little piece. | ||
| You know, forehead. | ||
| Yeah, that's why headbutts work. | ||
| Yeah, headbutts work. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But, little bitch has toes. | ||
| You just have no power. | ||
| Like, you can't curl anything with your toe. | ||
| And then your pinky, your pinky is definitely needed. | ||
| I didn't think, like, people will say this all the time, like, I don't need all of my fingers. | ||
| Y'all, you actually do. | ||
| Jamie was saying that if you lose your pinky, you lose 50% of your strength in your hand? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I was just trying to figure out the pinky toe thing because I was like, maybe the pinky toe is a little bullshit, but there's a doctor that explains it would be almost impossible to run, walk, or skip without your pinky toe. | ||
| What? | ||
| Impossible? | ||
| You could get something in a shoe to replace what it would be, but it's needed for balance. | ||
| Like, impossible to skip? | ||
| I thought I was like... | ||
| I've skipped before. | ||
| Maybe you can figure it out, but that's what... | ||
| Maybe this doctor... | ||
| People say... | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| A lot of doctors are fucking weak. | ||
| I bet you can be fine without your pinky toes. | ||
| You wouldn't be optimal. | ||
| You know, if you wanted to play soccer or something, it would require a lot of shifts left and right. | ||
| You'd probably be fucked. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Skipping? | ||
| Okay, I'm on the fence with just skipping. | ||
| I don't even think I've used my pinky toe to skip. | ||
| I haven't skipped in so long. | ||
| I have daughters. | ||
| I could lie and say I never skipped. | ||
| I have daughters. | ||
| I do too, but I don't skip with them. | ||
| I do a lot of other things. | ||
| Skipping has been mandatory in our house for a long time. | ||
| I've broken toes before. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| You can tape them to the toe next to it. | ||
| It takes a lot of the weight off of it. | ||
| But I don't know about pinky toes. | ||
| I know that pinky finger. | ||
| I don't know if you could actually hold a gun after that. | ||
| I don't even think you could pull a trigger. | ||
| If you lose that finger... | ||
| Maybe actually, I mean... | ||
| You could hold a gun with that. | ||
| It's tough. | ||
| No. | ||
| It's tough. | ||
| No. | ||
| That last... | ||
| Depending on your bottom stock, it's tough. | ||
| Well, it'd be easy to drink tea. | ||
| Chew hue. | ||
| Pinky's up. | ||
| It's hard to hold a cup without your thumb. | ||
| Without your thumb, yeah. | ||
| Well... | ||
| I think I misunderstood what it said, actually. | ||
| You can hold it without your thumb. | ||
| It's just the right handle. | ||
| What? | ||
| Misunderstood? | ||
| It's not the toe, it's the metatarsal, so like the thing it's connected to. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| The next bone. | ||
| The next bone. | ||
| Well, that makes sense. | ||
| It's like the running bullet. | ||
| So if that wasn't there, you'd be fucked. | ||
| That makes sense. | ||
| Yeah, because I feel like the other four toes would compensate for the pinky toe. | ||
| What a stupid fucking conversation we have here. | ||
| So the pinky toe is the running bullet of the foot? | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| It's like sort of that thing that just hangs out there. | ||
| But it just has no strength. | ||
| Like if you try to wrestle your pinky toe. | ||
| Mine's curled under almost because of the shoes I wear. | ||
| My toes are all fucked up, you know? | ||
| I'm not even really using it, so how can it be? | ||
| You get some of them toe shoes. | ||
| I've done that. | ||
| I'm working on it. | ||
| Do you ever use those? | ||
| Yeah, I have the yoga toes thing. | ||
| Oh! | ||
| Those I do have, yeah. | ||
| Like the Vibrams? | ||
| I wore them once. | ||
| Do your pinky toe curl under in the toe shoes? | ||
| Shove them in there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah. | |
| And it just be awkward? | ||
| It does some work. | ||
| Okay. | ||
|
unidentified
|
All right. | |
| I just wanted to know. | ||
| It's like having a glove with a bent finger. | ||
| I know a dude who wears those toe shoes everywhere. | ||
| He wears them everywhere. | ||
| I was at a party with him the other day. | ||
| He got toe shoes on. | ||
| Vibram toe shoes. | ||
| It's like letting people know. | ||
| I'm into optimizing. | ||
| I'm into optimizing my health and fitness. | ||
| Look at me in my toe shoes. | ||
| I used to run in them. | ||
| You used to run in the toe shoes? | ||
| Yeah, I used to run in Vibram trail shoes. | ||
| But I kept fucking up my toes. | ||
| I fucked up my toes a couple of times. | ||
| I fucked him up a couple because I was running on like very rocky terrain. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And occasionally I would jam my toe and it was fucked. | ||
| Because it's like they isolate it. | ||
| It's like... | ||
| Not smart. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The toe shoe thing. | ||
| I've always... | ||
| I didn't like them. | ||
| It's like mittens for your feet. | ||
| I never liked them. | ||
| I like them because they're goofy and people made fun of them. | ||
| And then also the idea is if you can get your feet to each toe to move individually, it actually strengthens your feet and it can increase athletic performance. | ||
| Allegedly. | ||
| That's the thing. | ||
| I'm not athletic anymore. | ||
| Nature has decreased my athleticism. | ||
| I used to actually touch the rim. | ||
| I almost dunked. | ||
| But my knees was like, yo, I don't care what you put on them, fam. | ||
| We ain't doing it. | ||
| Did you see the Tom Segura dunk? | ||
| No. | ||
| You didn't see what happened? | ||
| No. | ||
| Oh, I gotta show you something. | ||
| Tom Segura went to dunk, and as he's running towards the net, he blows out his patella tendon. | ||
| As he's leaping up in the air, his knee blows out, and then he falls and lands on his arm, snaps his arm in half. | ||
| So he blew out his knee and his arm all in one terrible maneuver. | ||
| And they did it all on video. | ||
| Him and Burt were having a dunk competition. | ||
| And now Tom has, he's got this thing on his hand because his nerves got damaged. | ||
| And he's, watch this. | ||
| No, no he's not. | ||
| Watch this. | ||
| Boom! | ||
| Look at the arm breaks. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
His arm. | |
| He's armed. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Can you call 911? | |
| Call 911. Not good. | ||
| That's why it's good to be a little athletic. | ||
| Because occasionally you and your stupid friends want to have a ridiculous competition for a video. | ||
| That's the reason why wives yell at husbands. | ||
| No! | ||
| No! | ||
| Are you going to play basketball again? | ||
| But that's not even regular basketball. | ||
| They were just dunking over and over and over again. | ||
| So I'm quite sure you know Bill Bellamy. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| So Bill Bellamy's road manager, Terrence, they're shooting, just shooting around in the gym. | ||
| Just shooting, regular shooting. | ||
| And it's always this. | ||
| Man, pull up on your toes. | ||
| Lift up on your toes and shoot that ball. | ||
| So he lifts up on his toes and blows out whatever's back there. | ||
| It's gone. | ||
| Like his Achilles? | ||
| His Achilles is gone. | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| That's a bad one. | ||
| Like, yo. | ||
| I'm like, see? | ||
| I'm like, don't listen to people. | ||
| When you're just shooting around, just listen to yourself. | ||
| I'm just going to do this. | ||
| I'm just going to lay the ball up. | ||
| That's why when I go to the gym, I intentionally put on cowboy boots. | ||
| Intentionally. | ||
| I'm like, cowboy boots and shorts for me, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm not... | |
| I don't want nobody to try to convince me to do anything. | ||
| I'm like, no, I'm not doing it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I remember the last time I was convinced. | ||
| I'm not doing it. | ||
| What convinced you the last time? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| Hey, man. | ||
| First, it always start with, you played football, didn't you? | ||
| I'm like, I think it's been more injuries starting with that right there. | ||
| So you play football. | ||
| So I'm like, yeah, we, you know, we all play football. | ||
| So me, my friends, we out there in dress shoes, mind you. | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| In dress shoes. | ||
| We supposed to be running one little quick little route this way. | ||
| Nope. | ||
| Nope. | ||
| We outside the gym because that's the only place where it's called. | ||
| Like, it's no cause. | ||
| Like, yo. | ||
| We go right there to L.A. Fitness. | ||
| Like, but why? | ||
| Like, why do you know what L.A. Fitness is right now? | ||
| Like, why do you even know? | ||
| First of all, how does it even start? | ||
| It's like, yo, we going to L.A. Fitness. | ||
| Now we out there just throwing the ball. | ||
| Nerf ball. | ||
| Not even a real football. | ||
| Nerf. | ||
| You know? | ||
| That's what he had in his car. | ||
| A little Nerf. | ||
| With the little, um... | ||
| I think they got some new ones where they twist or something. | ||
| Because my Nerf balls were smooth. | ||
| This one has little waves in it. | ||
| Throwing the ball... | ||
| And I cut forgetting that I have on dress shoes because now you're getting competitive. | ||
| One person catch the ball. | ||
| That's touchdown. | ||
| First of all, you know we're close to... | ||
| First of all, there's... | ||
| Okay, if that's the pole down there, you're nowhere close to it, sir. | ||
| So now it's competitive. | ||
| Now I'm up on the line. | ||
| Now you really being what you saw on TV. Now you being a safety. | ||
| And I cut that dress shoe, that heel called a little gravel. | ||
| And it's hard to explain... | ||
| The side of your face is being scratched up. | ||
| Because the gravel is scratched. | ||
| It's like falling off a motorcycle and you get the cement rash. | ||
| So I'm just like, the side of my face is scratched up. | ||
| My hand is scratched up. | ||
| And I'm like, okay, now I got to go home and explain why my face is bleeding. | ||
| You're supposed to be at the club, sir. | ||
| How did you go from the club to this? | ||
| Okay, let me tell you what happened. | ||
| Okay, we were drinking and someone said, you played football, didn't you? | ||
| And then all of a sudden you in the LA Fitness gym parking lot throwing a Nerf ball. | ||
| With dress shoes on. | ||
| With dress shoes on. | ||
| Dress shoes are useless. | ||
| They look good, but if you ever get in a situation with those shiny bottoms, those slippery leather bottoms, those things are useless. | ||
| So you see the guy who with me now, Andre Johnson. | ||
| Sneakers, looks ready. | ||
| All the licenses that he need to have, everything on him. | ||
| I had another security person. | ||
| His name was Dre as well, but he wore suits everywhere. | ||
| And I told you, I said, hey, man, one of these days, something's going to probably happen, and you have on a suit and dress shoes, and you're probably not going to be able to get to me. | ||
| We're at this club in Houston. | ||
| Melee fight breaks out. | ||
| I'm on stage. | ||
| I'm trying to figure out which way to go. | ||
| My security is on the ground because he's trying to run to me and slipped. | ||
| And it's like, I'm wondering why all these other people following because he's the one knocking them down because he was big. | ||
| He was like 300. So he's just on the ground. | ||
| And I'm just standing on the stage like this, like just waiting. | ||
| And the sheriff that was working that came and got me and took me out the back. | ||
| And I'm like, yo, Dre. | ||
| The guy with the rubber-based shoes, he saved me. | ||
| What were you doing with the slippery bottoms, sir? | ||
| Well, you can get some dress shoes that have bottoms that are rubber. | ||
| I have those. | ||
| I don't have any shoes that have that flat, leather, shiny bottom. | ||
| Even if I dress up, I'm wearing rubber shoes. | ||
| You're wearing rubber shoes? | ||
| Yeah, when shit goes down, you have to be able to move. | ||
| That's why I wear flip-flops. | ||
| Yeah, I don't wear flip flops. | ||
| I'd rather be barefoot than flip flops. | ||
| You'll never see me in a pair of flip flops. | ||
| Unless I'm at the beach. | ||
| That's, I'm letting everybody know. | ||
| I'm not here to do shit. | ||
| I'm just relaxing. | ||
| Hey, yo, you can steal my kids while I'm on the beach. | ||
| Look, I'm off duty. | ||
| This is vacation. | ||
| I'm off duty on everything. | ||
| I remember being in Miami and my daughter was, it was a storm coming and my daughter, my daughter Jaden, she had to be maybe, I'm going to say eight. | ||
| And I'm pushing it. | ||
| I don't think she was eight. | ||
| So these waves are huge and they literally are like bringing her in and then they sucking her out. | ||
| And I'm like, oh, that's pretty cool. | ||
| And her mom's like, no, she's going out too far. | ||
| I'm like, But she can swim. | ||
| She's on the swim team. | ||
| She's like, why are we concerned she's on the swim team? | ||
| She's like, this is the ocean. | ||
| I'm like, she's a swimmer. | ||
| And she's like, no. | ||
| So I look, and my daughter's like way further than she was. | ||
| I'm like, okay, I'm going to wait because I see this one big wave. | ||
| And the wave literally brings my daughter in and throws my daughter in the middle, almost damn near to the hotel. | ||
| I'm like, that was a pretty big wave. | ||
| I'm like, yo, we should go to the pool. | ||
| I have one daughter that's a daredevil, and she likes to go a little bit too far out, and I was letting her know, like, you gotta understand tides. | ||
| Like, I know you can swim, but tides are no joke. | ||
| Like, tides suck out people that can swim, and you try to fight against those tides, you can't do shit. | ||
| And she's a little skeptical because she's athletic and she's very pig-headed like her father. | ||
| But then I showed her, there was a dude who was a WWE guy, some jacked wrestler who drowned off of, was it Venice? | ||
| Was he like near Venice Beach? | ||
| Which, you know, the tide there is not even that bad. | ||
| But occasionally, it just sucks everything out. | ||
| And then you're fighting against it trying to get in and it just sucks you out further. | ||
| And then you realize, oh my god, I'm out of air. | ||
| I can't fucking breathe. | ||
| And I'm fighting against this and I'm not gaining any ground and I'm exhausted and I want to take a break. | ||
| Not good. | ||
| You should go to the side. | ||
| Yeah, that's what you're supposed to do. | ||
| You're supposed to go sideways. | ||
| But nobody taught this dude that, I guess. | ||
| Or he couldn't. | ||
| Big fucking dudes, that's the problem with big fucking dudes. | ||
| They don't have a lot of gas in that tank. | ||
| When you're a giant WWE dude, how big was that guy? | ||
| He was huge, right? | ||
| You know, I just figured out or found out that you can drown. | ||
| You don't even have to be in water. | ||
| You can drink too much water and drown. | ||
| Yeah, you drink too much water. | ||
| It's not really drowning. | ||
| Your body, it's an electrical. | ||
| Look at the size of that motherfucker! | ||
| That dude drowned. | ||
| You know something? | ||
| I was hoping, and I don't even go here, I was really hoping that he was not black. | ||
| I'm literally sitting here, it was one of them things like, okay, alright, please let him pull up and he's not a black dude that can't swim, that probably drowned a damn teaspoon in the water. | ||
| Sitting there like, yo, I was like, ah! | ||
| And then I looked, I'm like... | ||
| That's a terrible stereotype that turns out to be accurate too often. | ||
| Like, black dudes that can skate real good. | ||
| Like, black dudes that play hockey. | ||
| How many of them? | ||
| There might be like 20. Five. | ||
| 20 on Earth? | ||
| Five. | ||
| How many black dudes are in the NHL? A few. | ||
| How many? | ||
| I knew one that played, what, for the Oilers, I think it was. | ||
| I used to watch him. | ||
| I think it was the Oilers. | ||
| Somebody had a joke about that, that it's just because it's frozen water. | ||
| It's a weird thing that, that's the problem. | ||
| I used to hate that stereotype that black people can't swim, but 75% of all drowners in the United States are Hispanic and African American. | ||
| Is that true? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| 75%? | ||
| Yeah, of drowners in the United States. | ||
| What the weird thing is, 55% of all pool parties are thrown by black people. | ||
| I'm so confused. | ||
| We throw pool parties. | ||
| Like, ah, don't get in that pool. | ||
| But are they drowning in pools or are they drowning in the ocean? | ||
| Mostly pools. | ||
| Really? | ||
| I don't think we'd be at the ocean like that. | ||
| I've seen us there. | ||
| I feel like I could teach someone how to not drown in a pool in about five minutes. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Probably because you can swim, correct? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And so this is the thing. | ||
| This is the thing. | ||
| And me and you probably are liking this. | ||
| I'm very irritated with people who can't swim because I got pushed in the pool at five. | ||
| And about time my mother got into the gate, I was already out of the pool. | ||
| I'm like, how do you drown? | ||
| Why are you around the pool and don't know how to swim? | ||
| Right. | ||
| And if you calm down, the worst thing is to try to teach somebody who's not calm, doesn't have patience how to swim. | ||
| Look, you can't choke me and think that we both going to survive. | ||
| So I need you to relax and just... | ||
| Okay, hold on to the wall. | ||
| Because I have kids, so I've taught children how to swim, so I don't know how I can't teach an adult how to swim. | ||
| But it's been very frustrating. | ||
| When people get older, they stop learning. | ||
| And also they want to be right. | ||
| I know. | ||
| I got it. | ||
| I know what I'm doing. | ||
| They want to be right. | ||
| They don't want you to know something that they don't know. | ||
| That's a problem. | ||
| But it's also like people get, when they get older, they just shut down. | ||
| They don't know how to learn things. | ||
| Just accept that you don't know how to do something and figure it out. | ||
| And a pool is a weird one because you can die in there. | ||
| It's not like learning anything else. | ||
| You could die in there pretty fucking easy. | ||
| Especially if there's a deep end. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You can die in there. | ||
| What is this? | ||
| He's teaching Jesus Trejo how to swim. | ||
| Jesus doesn't know how to swim. | ||
| He didn't know how to swim. | ||
| It's like a 12 minute video. | ||
| It's almost kind of frustrating because he won't let them just tell him to calm down. | ||
| He's getting two feet of water and you're just panicking. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Jesus is hilarious. | ||
| I think they were going on a river and they didn't want him to drown on the river. | ||
| Oh, I would take him on a river if he couldn't fucking swim. | ||
| It was like a two-foot river where you can just stand up in it. | ||
| Yeah, but you get hit in the head and go under. | ||
| Remember when Remy Warren was telling that story? | ||
| He saw somebody drown. | ||
| He saw a canoe overturn. | ||
| He was on the side of a river and he saw a fucking dude float down face first. | ||
| The dude was dead and he saw a woman just barely keeping her head above water and he had to jump in the water and rescue her. | ||
| That's dope. | ||
| Dude. | ||
| That is dope. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Greg Fitzsimmons rescued somebody. | ||
| I rescued a child. | ||
| I rescued a waiter at the... | ||
| What comedy club was that? | ||
| Connecticut. | ||
| No. | ||
| Yeah, Connecticut. | ||
| How'd you rescue a child? | ||
| Drowning. | ||
| In the water? | ||
| In the pool? | ||
| Parents not paying attention. | ||
| At the pool. | ||
| Not paying attention. | ||
| Child walked right into the pool. | ||
| Right, and I'm just, I'm walking by, I'm walking to somebody, I'm like, oh, and I'm just reached down. | ||
| I'm like, yo, who baby? | ||
| Yo, did y'all know y'all baby was in the water? | ||
| And it was like, they said, oh my god. | ||
| I'm like, yo ma'am, your baby just literally walked in the water not paying attention. | ||
| Just out there drinking, you know, barbecuing. | ||
| As a parent, it's stunning when you watch some people that just don't even watch their kids. | ||
| Just let their kids wander off. | ||
| I think I'm a lot as a parent. | ||
| Like, I'm a lot. | ||
| I think I'm overprotective to the point. | ||
| I don't think you can be really overprotective. | ||
| I just, especially in like grocery stores and in the parking lot of places. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, people just back out. | ||
| Like, I don't let my kids just run loose in the parking lot. | ||
| I want them right next to me because you can't see them. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They're backing out, but some parents are just very loose. | ||
| It's amazing how few accidents we really have, considering how fucking stupid so many people are. | ||
| It's kind of amazing. | ||
| There really should be accidents everywhere, all the time. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| You can go weeks and weeks without seeing an accident. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Not in my house. | ||
| Not in my house. | ||
| Not in car accidents. | ||
| No, car accidents. | ||
| You know, someone backing up into something. | ||
| Oh, you just got to Houston. | ||
| I mean, you just got to Texas. | ||
| So just wait a minute. | ||
| Oh, I've seen a couple. | ||
| I've seen a couple here. | ||
| Oh, just wait. | ||
| I've seen some ridiculous ones. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But for the most part, most days, you drive home, you don't see shit. | ||
| You see people stay in their lane, they use their blinker, they turn. | ||
| Most of the time, it's amazing. | ||
| When you think about the shit decisions so many people make in their lives, so many people are just constantly fucking up with their life, wrecking their life. | ||
| But they can figure out how to drive. | ||
| Is it a way not to wreck your life? | ||
| You gotta wreck your life a little bit so that you know how to not wreck your life. | ||
| I don't trust anybody who's made no mistakes. | ||
| Like, if you tell me you've made no mistakes, I'm like, what? | ||
| Like, what? | ||
| No mistakes? | ||
| How have you done that? | ||
| You've never fucked anything up? | ||
| That's like when people say, I don't judge. | ||
| People are like, well, how do you pick your friends? | ||
| You just randomly... | ||
| I'll take anybody! | ||
| I judge everything. | ||
| I judge myself first. | ||
| Judge myself first? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I gotta know who I am to even... | ||
| I gotta know who I am to even decide... | ||
| How to pick a friend. | ||
| Like, who the hell am I? You know, I remember when I made... | ||
| And it's deep. | ||
| Like, sometimes people say, well, the youth can't teach you things. | ||
| Most of the things I learned that I kept, I learned when I was young, I probably just didn't apply it at the time. | ||
| I've learned it. | ||
| I just didn't apply it at the time. | ||
| Sometimes you don't apply the right methods. | ||
| But I had a friend and I think I was very young and juvenile where I... Gave people titles that didn't earn those titles. | ||
| And when you are 13 and you say, hey, this is my best friend. | ||
| And then they say, no, I'm not. | ||
| Me, you're not best friends. | ||
| You have to get past that little small part of being crushed. | ||
| Like, oh, I thought we were. | ||
| And he's like, nah, we haven't gone through anything yet. | ||
| We friends, but to be best friends, you know, we haven't been tried and tested to see how much, you know, we down with each other. | ||
| I'm like, well, did you hear that? | ||
| Pretty much made sense. | ||
| I wasn't that advanced at that age yet. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like, damn. | |
| Tried and tested. | ||
| How old is this kid? | ||
| Thirteen. | ||
| He was like, denied. | ||
| He was like, no. | ||
| I remember I had an argument with this kid when I was thirteen. | ||
| It was over nothing. | ||
| It was like a softball argument. | ||
| We were playing softball. | ||
| And I don't even remember what it was all about. | ||
| But I remember he got like real... | ||
| And I had to piece it together in my head what was wrong here. | ||
| But it was a lesson that I kept for years. | ||
| Because he got real shitty with me. | ||
| And he said, hey man, forget we ever met. | ||
| And he storms off. | ||
| And I was like, forget we ever met? | ||
| How am I going to do that? | ||
| I'm like, that doesn't make any sense. | ||
| And I remember thinking, oh, this kid has a single mom. | ||
| His mom's kind of fucked up. | ||
| And he's got this weird stepdad situation. | ||
| I remember we talked about his stepdad had big forearms because he scooped ice cream. | ||
| His dad worked at an ice cream place. | ||
| He was talking about how his stepdad's got big forearms. | ||
| He's always scooping ice cream. | ||
| I remember thinking, I wasn't even mad at the kid. | ||
| I felt bad. | ||
| I felt like, alright, man. | ||
| And I was like, forget we ever met! | ||
| And he stormed off like he's going to get me. | ||
| And I remember thinking, that is so ridiculous. | ||
| It was one of those moments where someone tries to hurt your feelings and it's so ineffective that you get a little life lesson. | ||
| You're like, wow, that's a weird way to try to manipulate me there. | ||
| Forget we ever met. | ||
| I'm definitely not going to forget we ever met. | ||
| I'm not even going to forget this because I'm still talking about this all these years later. | ||
| I'm like, that was so weird. | ||
| You think I'm going to forget that you're the guy who told me to forget we ever met? | ||
| Can't forget you, Toby, to forget you. | ||
| I remember that fucking dude 40 years later. | ||
| I'm 53. I was 13. 40 years later, I'm still thinking about that dude like, man. | ||
| You know, I was a guy who taught me. | ||
| He was like some weird... | ||
| He did what his mom probably did. | ||
| Weird, it's over. | ||
| And forget you ever met me, Charles. | ||
| Yes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| And he's like, he can't wait to use it. | ||
| He's like, I'm going to say that one day to someone. | ||
| I remember his mom drank a lot of wine. | ||
| That was the word. | ||
| You know, his mom likes to drink wine. | ||
| She's always drinking wine. | ||
| Like, his mom was just like a little of a mess. | ||
| And this poor kid, like, that's how he expressed himself. | ||
| But I remember thinking immediately, like, I didn't, I wasn't angry at him. | ||
| It was like blank. | ||
| Like, like, you know, you could say, you're a fucking loser. | ||
| I'm like, damn, am I a loser? | ||
| Like, it would hurt my feelings. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like, shit. | |
| Like, forget we ever met. | ||
| I was like, what? | ||
| Poor guy. | ||
| I felt bad for the kid. | ||
| Because you start thinking, hey, if you said that to me, what are you going to say to them? | ||
| Pills are definitely next if you break up with someone. | ||
| You just feel like you learn things from weird little interactions with people when you're a kid. | ||
| You feel something weird from it. | ||
| You're like, let me figure that out. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| Why is he doing that? | ||
| Why are people saying that? | ||
| Yeah, I learned a pretty good amount of information when I was a kid. | ||
| It just didn't apply at all. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| My dad, I knew my dad wasn't the best of dads. | ||
| I just knew it. | ||
| I'm like, no, this is not what dad's supposed to do. | ||
| I've never seen this on TV, sir. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You have to see it and leave it to beavers. | |
| I've never seen this one. | ||
| I've watched all the episodes of Good Times. | ||
| I've never seen James as J.J. and Michael to do this one. | ||
| My mom was a pretty structured mom. | ||
| I can't really say my mom was a mess, but as a child, you don't really know what's going on. | ||
| As you get older, you're like, my mom was pretty much crazy. | ||
| She's a crazy person. | ||
| And And I understood why she was crazy. | ||
| Like, I understand things about my mom now because I'm a parent. | ||
| Like, I never knew why I couldn't wake my mother up. | ||
| Like, you couldn't run in and out of our house. | ||
| Like, if you woke my mother up, it was like, it's hell to pay if you wake up. | ||
| But now that I think about it, my mom worked two jobs. | ||
| She went to school. | ||
| And out of 24 hours, she only had two hours of sleep. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Really? | ||
| My mom literally would come in the house from being out and go to sleep. | ||
| I used to watch this cartoon and it was a bear. | ||
| It was a sleeping bear. | ||
| Quiet! | ||
| Quiet, I say! | ||
| I want quiet! | ||
| I used to think that that bed was crazy, and then I saw my mom, my mom, and he would go to sleep like this. | ||
| Like, as soon as he closed his eyes, my mom would sleep like this. | ||
| My mom, as soon as she closed her eyes. | ||
| Quiet! | ||
| I'm like, this lady is the bear off of the cartoons. | ||
| You cannot, like, you tippy-toeing in the house, but then you get older, and I literally work seven days a week. | ||
| Like, my life is crazy, so I fall asleep anyway. | ||
| I'm over 40. Right now, you work seven days a week? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What do you do seven days a week? | ||
| I just took on a radio job. | ||
| Oh, it's seven days a week? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Monday through Friday, I'm in Houston on Magic 102, the urban station. | ||
| Is it in the mornings? | ||
| No, it's midday. | ||
| It's the craziest thing, because I'm from 6 to 2. I mean, from 2 to 6. Last week I was in Jacksonville, the Comedy Zone. | ||
| This was the first weekend that didn't feel like a weekend. | ||
| I wasn't excited. | ||
| I've been doing stand-up for 22 years. | ||
| I've always been excited about a weekend that I'm doing. | ||
| But this is the first weekend I'm doing after working at the radio station for the last three weeks. | ||
| So it's like the weekend coming. | ||
| I'm like, oh, some more work? | ||
| Like, I was so nice. | ||
| That was the first time in all of comedy I ever felt like, I don't want to go. | ||
| And I was like, okay, I got to snap out of that shit because that's not who I am. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And I've forgotten. | ||
| DL has called me twice to make sure that I was going to goddamn work. | ||
| He was like, you do know you have to be at work. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| I do. | ||
| Because I'm not accustomed to doing anything in the middle of daytime. | ||
| So he has to call you to let you know? | ||
| He's called me twice in the last three weeks. | ||
| Just like, you know you have to be somewhere, right? | ||
| Like, damn, I do have to. | ||
| How far away is the station from your house? | ||
| Like 30 minutes. | ||
| That's not too bad. | ||
| But it's horrible. | ||
| It's literally horrible. | ||
| So did you know what you were getting into? | ||
| Or did you have an idea of what it was going to be? | ||
| And then once you started doing it, you're like, oh shit, what have I done? | ||
| It's the old shit. | ||
| I'm like, okay, I'm on the radio. | ||
| I'm going to be a midday person. | ||
| I'm going to be able to do stand-up. | ||
| And then I'm like, oh shit, this shit is every day? | ||
| Like, I got to be here. | ||
| So I can't come in here and like, okay, so... | ||
| Don't nobody record these shows. | ||
| Like, this is live. | ||
| Like, yeah, you got to be here every day. | ||
| And then I got to come up with shit. | ||
| Like, I don't want to come up with nothing. | ||
| What kind of come up with you got to do? | ||
| Like, I do what they call the F word of the day. | ||
| And then they do this thing called Ask Ali. | ||
| And then I do, I make up a story about anything called You Not Gonna Believe It. | ||
| So if I, you can bring up something, I'll be like... | ||
| Joe, you're not going to believe this. | ||
| One time, me and Kimbo Slice got into a convenience store. | ||
| And I just tell this ridiculous story about over some fines. | ||
| So I was going to slap Kimbo, but he lucky. | ||
| So I go through a whole story. | ||
| The first one I did was, I was the fifth. | ||
| This lady called him, I love the fourth time. | ||
| I said, see ma'am, I understand that you love the four tops, but you really would have loved the five tops. | ||
| Because I was the fifth top. | ||
| They just kicked me out. | ||
| And she was like, what? | ||
| I'm like, yeah. | ||
| Okay, let me tell you what happened. | ||
| So it's Soul Train Wars, 66, right? | ||
| I get into it with Don Caniz. | ||
| So I just name all these people. | ||
| And they just be like... | ||
| Is this true? | ||
| First of all, you know I wasn't born in 66. I wasn't even alive in 66. That's why I just said you're not going to believe this. | ||
| So you have to do that every day? | ||
| Every day. | ||
| Oh no. | ||
| Every day. | ||
| And as a comic, I don't do the same set. | ||
| I don't do the same set every time I go. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Of course. | |
| So, it's hard for me to do the same thing every day. | ||
| And knowing that I have to do it. | ||
| Like, if somebody told me, you have to do this five minutes of stand-up. | ||
| Like, out of all the stuff I have, we just want this five minutes. | ||
| And you have to do this every day. | ||
| I would fucking hang myself. | ||
| Isn't that funny? | ||
| Like, if you had to do it once, it'd be like, yeah, that'd be fun. | ||
| But if you had to do it every day. | ||
| Every day? | ||
| How'd you agree to do this? | ||
| Pandemic. | ||
| Pandemic pressure. | ||
| Hey, comedy clubs, not that many clubs are open. | ||
| Don't know when you're going to be able to go back. | ||
| Hey, look, you're not doing any TV. You're sagging after insurance going to run out. | ||
| He was saying, now, oh shit, I ain't going to have no insurance. | ||
| So I need to, what I need to do? | ||
| So the radio gig came up and I'm like, Does it have insurance? | ||
| And I was like, yes. | ||
| I was like, okay, I'll be there. | ||
| How long do you think you're going to hang in there for? | ||
| Oh man, it's so... | ||
| I hate to say this because this is like national world news right now. | ||
| This is like breaking news on your show. | ||
| Yeah, I don't know. | ||
| It's tough. | ||
| Do you do a podcast as well? | ||
| No, I'm getting ready to start one. | ||
| That's the move. | ||
| That way you do it when you want to do it. | ||
| They've been asking me to do it for a while. | ||
| And then when I looked up how long... | ||
| I think this has been my thing. | ||
| I look at other people's podcasts and I'm like, it seems so easy. | ||
| But then you look at, oh, since 2009? | ||
| Oh no, this is a well-oiled machine because I've done... | ||
| I've tried to do it myself. | ||
| It's not like this. | ||
| It's like me holding my microphone. | ||
| I got a little bored. | ||
| I'm just not into it at this point. | ||
| Yeah, but if this was set up for you, like this kind of thing, all you have to do is show up and talk to people. | ||
| Walk in and do this like clockwork. | ||
| But that's all doable. | ||
| You can do that. | ||
| That's what you want. | ||
| I'm getting myself together now. | ||
| Ali, you don't want a boss. | ||
| This is the thing. | ||
| You can't have a boss. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I haven't had a job since 1999. You're too funny to have a boss. | |
| Funny people can't have bosses. | ||
| It's like you talking to me and I'm already on the fence of quitting a new job. | ||
| And as soon as you said it, I'm like, he knows me. | ||
| I text him, I'm like, look, I don't think I'm going to make it. | ||
| Well, I know that you're a funny comedian. | ||
| If you're a funny stand-up comic, having a boss is kryptonite. | ||
| It's too hard. | ||
| They sent out a, okay, I haven't, and I know this is bad. | ||
| They have a team meeting thing on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. | ||
| And for the last... | ||
| I've been hired since the 23rd of November. | ||
| I didn't go to work until middle of December. | ||
| Actually, the end of December. | ||
| So it's been a month. | ||
| One month. | ||
| So... | ||
| I haven't made any of the team meeting Zoom calls. | ||
| Not one of them. | ||
| What do you think happens on those calls? | ||
| I would go just to be curious. | ||
| I have no idea what happens. | ||
| I bet that's boring as fuck. | ||
| I asked the co-host. | ||
| I asked him. | ||
| I'm like, so how was the call? | ||
| There's just no random things. | ||
| Now, who's the co-host? | ||
| Funky Larry Jones. | ||
| Do you know him personally outside? | ||
| Yeah, I know him very well. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| Well, that helps a lot. | ||
| It helps. | ||
| He's been doing radio my whole entire life, so 47 years. | ||
| Why don't you talk to Funky Larry about separating from the mothership? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You talked to Funky Larry about two of you guys doing something on the side. | ||
| Are you allowed to do a podcast while you're doing the radio gig? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Oh, that's good. | ||
| That's a good deal. | ||
| How long are you tied into this contract for? | ||
| I feel like I'm your agent. | ||
| I feel like I'm a new agent. | ||
| Ali, how long are you tied into this? | ||
| I think one solid year. | ||
| Ooh, one solid year of five days a week. | ||
| That's a long time. | ||
| I think they got me with the flexibility. | ||
| Oh, you know, we know you do, Santa. | ||
| We know your career. | ||
| You can just go whenever you want. | ||
| Does it pay well? | ||
| It pays okay. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't like what I'm hearing. | |
| I don't like most of what I'm hearing. | ||
| This is how people do it. | ||
| I wouldn't even give a resignation. | ||
| I would just stop showing up. | ||
| I don't think Ali's coming anymore. | ||
| Don't let them sue you. | ||
| That's part of the problem with those goddamn pieces of paper that you sign. | ||
| Contracts are terrible. | ||
| They'll sue you. | ||
| Like Jamie and I don't even have a contract. | ||
| If he just stopped showing up, I'd be fucked. | ||
| We don't have a contract. | ||
| He just likes working here. | ||
| I think that's the That's the thing. | ||
| But I think, but Jamie probably, he loves doing this whole thing. | ||
| But if somebody, I don't care what job it is, if you haven't been working since 1999 and you've been living a... | ||
| I probably just said this prior to getting that job. | ||
| I was like, my life is so wonderful. | ||
| And most of my friends' life is the same as mine. | ||
| Because we can call each other at 10.30. | ||
| Hey. | ||
| Hey, man. | ||
| Let's go have margaritas. | ||
| And everybody shows up. | ||
| Because we don't have jobs. | ||
| And another comic, Marcus Wiley, he reminded me. | ||
| He called me like, hey. | ||
| We're having margaritas today. | ||
| I said, what you mean, we having margaritas? | ||
| Oh, no, you can't go. | ||
| It's Wednesday. | ||
| You have a job, sir. | ||
| I said, what time y'all going? | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| Five. | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| Don't try to ask what time we're going. | ||
| Because remember, I never had a time to go. | ||
| Whatever time it was, I could show up. | ||
| Like, hey, have it. | ||
| It's like they at 3.30. | ||
| I'm like, oh, so y'all going to be having margaritas? | ||
| You know the F word of the day. | ||
| I do it at 3.30. | ||
| I do it at 3.30, so it fucking sucks, man. | ||
| The one good thing, though, is if you're forced to work and you're forced to come up with things, I bet you come up with more material this way. | ||
| Is that happening? | ||
| I think that my material comes from me actually talking with my friends and remembering things that has happened to us. | ||
| I think that's most of my material. | ||
| I just got a new 30 minutes based on three stories. | ||
| I totally forgot. | ||
| My boy was like, remember when Rick got stabbed in the ass? | ||
| I was like, yes. | ||
| I remember when he got stabbed in the ass because we told him not to go. | ||
| And this dude, he was in this dude's house with this lady. | ||
| I guess it was his girlfriend. | ||
| This man came in the house. | ||
| Before he woke him up, it was like he was definitely a psycho. | ||
| He pushed the couch up against the door, the front door. | ||
| So when they was fighting, he was trying to get out. | ||
| So when he tried to grab the couch to put out the door, the dude stabbed him in his ass. | ||
| That's a terrible place to get stabbed. | ||
| How big was the knife? | ||
| Like a steak knife. | ||
| Serrated. | ||
| Stabbed him right in his ass. | ||
| It's so much to the story because the dude had threw his pants and his keys out the window. | ||
| So when he got stabbed, he said he slid down the stairs. | ||
| And when he stood on the stairs, he laid in the grass and he said, you know who was there? | ||
| My keys. | ||
| I was like, oh! | ||
| His keys weren't there. | ||
| He found his keys and drove home with no pants on. | ||
| He went to his mom's house. | ||
| And he was stabbed in the ass. | ||
| Did he go to the hospital? | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Just sucked it up? | ||
| Sucked it up. | ||
| Damn, I would want to get some stitches on my ass, I think. | ||
| That's the weirdest thing, what men suck up. | ||
| I've seen a lot of men not go to the hospital for shit that I was like, no, that looks like you should be at the hospital. | ||
| I know a dude who still limps because he fucked up his Achilles two years ago. | ||
| Didn't go. | ||
| No, never dealt with it. | ||
| He blew out his Achilles, and now he's got this little Hopalong Cassidy shit going on. | ||
| I think that's the thing that we grew up thinking that men are so tough that we don't go to the hospital. | ||
| I don't think I ever believed that, because when I was a kid, I tipped my little manhood up in my pants and went straight to the hospital. | ||
| Straight, I'm talking about, from that point on, I was like, no, the hospital is the place to be when your little penis skin is all rambled up into your pants. | ||
| I will never understand dudes who don't wear underwear who just go commando. | ||
| Just dick and jeans. | ||
| I didn't ever see that until I started going to an actual gym and dudes come out of the gym, out of the shower and like... | ||
| Just put their pants right on? | ||
| Did he just put on some jeans? | ||
| Like, I didn't see no other process. | ||
| I didn't see nothing else happening. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I saw his style and the jeans going up like I didn't see on a regular basis still Joey Diaz. | |
| Joey Diaz would always have jeans on with no drawers, no underwear, and then he would, his jeans never fit because he has this giant belly, so he would shake himself sideways and his jeans would drop. | ||
| I don't know if you've seen Joey Diaz's dick, but it looks like everything else on Joey Diaz. | ||
| It looks like it fits him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's a giant dick. | |
| It's like... | ||
| What is the Lenny Bruce description? | ||
| A baby's arm with an apple in its fist? | ||
| That's what it looks like. | ||
| It's like, what in the fuck? | ||
| And he would just drop his pants all the time. | ||
| He had a... | ||
| On one of my albums, my first album in 1999, Joey Diaz is naked with Timberlands on with a cape. | ||
| Like, he's got a cape across like he's a vampire. | ||
| And his... | ||
| Giant belly and his balls are hanging out. | ||
| They look like two grapefruit in an old lady's pantyhose. | ||
| It's just the most ridiculous person that he's the only dude that I know that would regularly wear no underwear. | ||
| Regularly. | ||
| We've talked a lot, but no, never seen his penis. | ||
| He's a wild dude. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You tell me he got you fucked up on his show. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, man. | ||
| Edibles. | ||
| And it's like I said, I melt it. | ||
| Like, what's the guy, my man, the flying Jew? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That's on the show. | ||
| Lee. | ||
| And I remember the first time I did it, I was looking, him and Lee ate like maybe four. | ||
| Stars of death. | ||
| Little chewy edibles. | ||
| He ate like four of them. | ||
| And I'm looking and he's literally over there melting. | ||
| It was like his eyes were open. | ||
| Then I looked over. | ||
| It was like a blob of a person over there. | ||
| So I'm like, okay, I'm never going to be like that on this show. | ||
| A year later, I'm literally in there and he's like... | ||
| I eat the edible and I'm sitting there and... | ||
| I thought I was talking pretty regular at first, and then all of a sudden, I noticed that it's like, yo, I don't think I'm speaking correctly. | ||
| And he was like, no, you fucked up. | ||
| I got you. | ||
| I got you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm like, no, I don't think... | |
| And I'm looking at Lee, and Lee's like, yo... | ||
| Yeah, I'm like, yeah, man. | ||
| And so when I look back and I'm like, yo, I was so fucked up. | ||
| And I didn't even eat the... | ||
| I ate another edible, but the star, he gave me that star. | ||
| And this is what people learn about me. | ||
| When I lose, I lose. | ||
| When I win, I win. | ||
| But I'm never embarrassed to say when I wimped out on some shit. | ||
| So... | ||
| I was already messing with these mushrooms. | ||
| I was on mushrooms. | ||
| And then he gives me this damn star. | ||
| And I'm like, I told myself, I'm going to eat it. | ||
| I'm going to eat this star. | ||
| I'm going to eat this star. | ||
| But I kept thinking about what other people were telling me. | ||
| Don't eat the Death Star. | ||
| Don't eat the star. | ||
| I'm like, oh, no, I'm going to eat it. | ||
| Joey ain't going to fucking punk me out. | ||
| So I'm staying at the Lowe's. | ||
| And I literally stashed the star at the Lowe's in the room. | ||
| I'm like, well, when somebody finds this, they're going to have a good time. | ||
| I'm not going to have this shit on me. | ||
| And then I stashed the mushrooms inside the hotel somewhere. | ||
| So a maintenance man probably found them and had a good time. | ||
| I'm like, I was wasted. | ||
| I couldn't do that. | ||
| They're too much, those stars. | ||
| He's giving them to me. | ||
| They're 250 milligrams. | ||
| That's too much. | ||
| I've seen Joe eat four of those. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Four! | |
| A thousand milligrams. | ||
| Like it's nothing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ha ha ha! | |
| Looks at you. | ||
| We were on a plane once. | ||
| And he had these Chiba Chews. | ||
| I forget how many milligrams they were. | ||
| Several hundred milligrams, too. | ||
| He pops two Chiba Chews. | ||
| I'm nervous just sitting next to him. | ||
| I'm like, are you fucking serious? | ||
| He's like, Joe Rogan, come on. | ||
| It's time to dance with the devil. | ||
| So we're on the plane. | ||
| In the middle of the plane ride, he weans over. | ||
| He grabs me. | ||
| He touched me. | ||
| He goes, Joe Rogan, I almost had a panic attack. | ||
| He goes, I almost couldn't do it. | ||
| I almost couldn't do it. | ||
| He goes, but I'm fine. | ||
| And then he pulls out two more stars of death and throws them. | ||
| And I'm like, no! | ||
| He goes, ha ha! | ||
| He almost had a panic attack, and then two hours later, we're on the way to New York, grabs me by the shoulder, tells me, and then pops two more. | ||
| He doesn't give a fuck. | ||
| He goes to the basement. | ||
| He goes right down there. | ||
| He wants to see what's in the corners. | ||
| What's in there? | ||
| I don't even understand how he could do so many animals. | ||
| It's strange. | ||
| He had a... | ||
| What did he try to get me to do? | ||
| An opioid. | ||
| He's like, I got the last two biscuits. | ||
| I got this to copy myself. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No! | |
| I was like, I'm not doing no fucking opioids with you. | ||
| He's like, come on! | ||
| I said, how do you even have them? | ||
| And he just says, two. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Biscuits. | |
| I got the last two biscuits. | ||
| Biscuits. | ||
| I was like, yo, this is crazy. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| I remember when doing this podcast and he found out that I actually knew Moses Malone. | ||
| Like, know Moses Malone. | ||
| How do you know Moses Malone? | ||
| Moses Malone is before he passed. | ||
| The first guy who ever invested in my career, his name is Anthony Colbert. | ||
| He was the first people to sign Destiny's Child. | ||
| He had a music company called Mo Music. | ||
| He had been friends with Mo for years, so Mo would be at his office all the time, and we was in the same building. | ||
| I worked for this record label called Key Players. | ||
| I was the record pool. | ||
| I gave all the DJs their records, so I would organize records, give them out to DJs when I first came home. | ||
| So Moses would be downstairs with COVID, and he introduced me to Moses, and so after that, Moses would always recognize me. | ||
| So then one day, Moses was like, yo, hey Che, COVID don't wanna go to lunch, he ain't got time, you gon' go to lunch? | ||
| I'm like, yeah, you gon' go to fuckin' lunch with Moses Malone. | ||
| It's this strip club called Treasures that he loved going to. | ||
| In Houston called Treasures. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Chief. | |
| Best buffet in town. | ||
| Best buffet in town. | ||
| I'm like, huh? | ||
| This is the best buffet in town. | ||
| I'm like, are we going to the strip club or are we going to eat? | ||
| This the best buffet in town. | ||
| You understand what I'm saying to you? | ||
| I go in. | ||
| This is my first time ever having food. | ||
| Going to a strip club for food. | ||
| I'm like, oh, okay. | ||
| And the buffet is a huge-ass buffet. | ||
| It's like a chef. | ||
| It's lit up. | ||
| It looks like a cafeteria with little lamps. | ||
| But it's all these naked women in here. | ||
| I'm like, okay. | ||
| I said, so you like crab with your crab? | ||
| He was like, man, look here. | ||
| Now this is the buffet. | ||
| I said, so we arguing about is it the buffet or is it the strip club? | ||
| So it's another, it's a male strip club called La Bear in Houston. | ||
| I said, so... | ||
| All the men is here. | ||
| If this buffet was in LaBear, would you go? | ||
| I'm like, hell no, I wouldn't go. | ||
| I said, so it's not the best buffet in town. | ||
| It's got titties with this buffet. | ||
| This is what is important about this buffet. | ||
| Because if it was penis with the buffet, you wouldn't fucking go eat the buffet. | ||
| He's like, yeah, pretty much correct. | ||
| And that's how me and Moses got tight, arguing about treasures in the buffet. | ||
| And knowing him ever since. | ||
| So when he passed, I was at his funeral. | ||
| And we used to talk all the time. | ||
| I've been mad at Moses one goddamn time over a motorcycle seat. | ||
| And this is when you can't... | ||
| I learned that you really can't tell people what to do with their own money. | ||
| Ali, you funny, man. | ||
| You funny. | ||
| I said, well, why don't you invest in my career? | ||
| How much you need? | ||
| How much you need? | ||
| I need about $5,000 to get, you know, press kit and all this other stuff done. | ||
| Moses totally fucking ignored me after that, right? | ||
| Eight months later. | ||
| Randomly talking. | ||
| Me, him, Colbert, Luke. | ||
| Randomly talking. | ||
| He's telling them about that he replaced the seat on his motorcycle just because. | ||
| And the seat cost him $5,000. | ||
| And I am pissed. | ||
| Like, he has no idea why I'm even mad. | ||
| I'm like, so you, a fucking motorcycle seat? | ||
| He's like, yeah. | ||
| I just walked out and slammed the door. | ||
| And Kobe was like, you know he mad at you because he asked you to give him $5,000 to further his career. | ||
| And you didn't ever say anything. | ||
| So what are you mad about? | ||
| Because you just fucking spent $5,000 on a motorcycle seat that you didn't have to change. | ||
| And you couldn't help them. | ||
| He was like, well shit, Ali can't tell me how to spend my money. | ||
| He got an alligator motorcycle seat with an M on it. | ||
| I like it. | ||
| Fucking nice ass seat. | ||
| That sounds good. | ||
| But I want it. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| In retrospect though, are you happy that you didn't get the money from him? | ||
| I'm excited. | ||
| I think that it would have probably changed how we interacted. | ||
| Yeah, for sure. | ||
| It's things that as an adult... | ||
| You know why you don't, you understand why you don't get it. | ||
| As a comic, you definitely have to understand that as a comic because you know how we are. | ||
| I'm not getting something. | ||
| And we feel like we've been rejected or pushed to the side and then you start, some comics start getting better because they feel like other people are getting other opportunities. | ||
| But sometimes it's not for you in that particular space. | ||
| It's been shows that haven't been for me. | ||
| And I've been cool with it. | ||
| Then there's been shows that I thought that wasn't for me, that I got on my own. | ||
| You have the benefit of hindsight. | ||
| You have the benefit of becoming successful and then looking back and going, oh, all those things that went wrong, that's probably good. | ||
| Because you develop more character, you understand the business better, and reaching out for someone to help you, it rarely really helps you. | ||
| You think it's going to help you, but it's going to fuck your relationship with that person because you're going to have to pay them back quickly and you're probably not going to be able to. | ||
| And then you're going to know that you had to borrow money from somebody. | ||
| When you know you just did it yourself, it's like you have a piece. | ||
| Like, I'm a self-made man. | ||
| You can look at it that way. | ||
| And be easy. | ||
| It's better. | ||
| And who wants to be around? | ||
| Like, yo, you see him right there? | ||
| You know, I made him, right? | ||
| Oh no! | ||
| That would be the fucking worst. | ||
| Somebody popping in. | ||
| Yo, so you know who Joe Rogan ain't. | ||
| I'm the one that gave him all this shit to start his podcast. | ||
| Never brings me up. | ||
| You know, it's a weird thing. | ||
| So in this business, you know, and you... | ||
| You get excited. | ||
| You can get excited about certain things again when you feel like, okay, I did this and something else exciting is going to happen. | ||
| I'm very optimistic now than when I was growing up or when I was coming up in comedy because at first I had a little chip. | ||
| I had a lot of chip. | ||
| Well, everybody does as a young man, especially when you're entering into something where it's a long road, and you're seeing these other people get ahead of you, and you're like, fuck! | ||
| Like, when you were saying about being embarrassed, wanting someone to do badly, I remember the exact same feeling. | ||
| I remember feeling like a real bitch, because I wanted people to bomb. | ||
| I didn't want people to do well. | ||
| I wanted them to bomb because I felt... | ||
| In some stupid way, that if they did poorly, that made me better. | ||
| It doesn't make any sense. | ||
| It's just, I just was scared of my own, I was nervous. | ||
| I didn't want to bomb, so if someone else bombed, I'd be happy. | ||
| Good. | ||
| Because if someone killed, I'm like, shit, they did so good. | ||
| Now there's pressure on me. | ||
| Because it was just a bitch way of thinking. | ||
| And I realized it. | ||
| It was probably when I was 21 when I realized it. | ||
| It was when I was first starting out. | ||
| I was like, oh, okay, I've got a bad mindset here. | ||
| I've fallen into a trap. | ||
| The trap is, I want to be the only one who does well. | ||
| Which is a terrible mindset. | ||
| Because what they're doing on stage has nothing to do with me. | ||
| But in my mind, I was competitive with them. | ||
| But I'm like, no, the competition is with yourself. | ||
| And actually, it benefits you when people are great. | ||
| Because when people are great around you, first of all, it makes you step up your game. | ||
| Second of all, you're a comedian, but you're also a fan of comedy. | ||
| Like, you should want to laugh. | ||
| And if you're around funny people, you get funnier. | ||
| And that's the thing about weird little small communities. | ||
| You know, you go to a place like Pittsburgh or something like that. | ||
| They don't have a big comedy community. | ||
| And you realize, oh, a lot of people fucking suck. | ||
| They're just not that good. | ||
| Like, there's a lot of not that good in some of these communities. | ||
| And not Pittsburgh, but, you know, just name it. | ||
| Name a city. | ||
| Yeah, any city people. | ||
| Hey, fuck you, man! | ||
| That's not what I meant. | ||
| I mean, you're a small town with not a lot of pros in that town that live in that town. | ||
| You don't have a high standard that you judge yourself by. | ||
| But when you're a place like L.A. and you're surrounded by top-level comics all the time, it forces you to rise up. | ||
| It's good for you. | ||
| And I know people get... | ||
| I've said this and people have been very pissed at me In both spaces. | ||
| I don't always find that LA Commons are strong. | ||
| And that'd be my thing. | ||
| I think if you're a strong guy out of LA, that you were strong before you got there. | ||
| Because I don't see a lot of places where they give enough time for them to develop a show. | ||
| That's what I'm saying. | ||
| I know it's... | ||
| It's funny people in LA, but overall show, I remember coming to the improv and they asked me how long I was going to do. | ||
| I was like, yo, I'm going to do like maybe like 75. And he was like, what? | ||
| Like, you doing 75 what? | ||
| Seconds or minutes? | ||
| I'm like, like 75 minutes. | ||
| He's like, nah, a headliner out here like 20, 25 is stretching it. | ||
| I'm like... | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm not... | |
| Where? | ||
| What improv is this? | ||
| In LA. Dude told me that he wanted me to do 25. What? | ||
| No, I'm not going to be able to do that. | ||
| That's ridiculous. | ||
| They must have tried to overbook the show. | ||
| They must have had like five or six people on before you or something like that. | ||
| I know Jay Phillips was coming on after me. | ||
| He had the 10.30 show. | ||
| I was the 8.30 show. | ||
| And I was like, I don't even know how they worked. | ||
| I did an hour. | ||
| We settled at an hour. | ||
| And he's like, yo, man, you were really funny. | ||
| You live here? | ||
| I'm like, no. | ||
| I live in Houston. | ||
| That's why I didn't understand a 25-minute headliner. | ||
| What the fuck is that? | ||
| I live in a place where time and time to develop a show It's multiple places to go. | ||
| Like in chunks of 15. I don't think you can develop an hour show in chunks of 3 and 5. I think you got to do it in chunks of 15 or 20s to actually get it tight. | ||
| I agree. | ||
| And like you say, you have to have other strong comics. | ||
| Like I come watch somebody if they want me to. | ||
| I'm not coming out to do it. | ||
| But if you say, oh, I want you... | ||
| Come look at my set. | ||
| I'm like, at this point, I've written for so many people. | ||
| I come watch and punch up and say, oh, well, I think this. | ||
| But I tell people, even when I do that, I don't want your set to sound like me. | ||
| I'm not writing the cadence for you. | ||
| I'm just writing, here, use this word or go there. | ||
| That's if you choose to. | ||
| It's not mandatory. | ||
| Because as a comic... | ||
| We one word away from some shit being the most explosive thing that we've said. | ||
| Like, hey man, just add this on the end. | ||
| I'm like, okay. | ||
| Isn't it crazy how that works? | ||
| Sometimes you just find a new way of saying it and boom! | ||
| I think I have just as much fun when it's me doing it or when I wrote that part for somebody. | ||
| And I was like, I'm waiting for the part that I've interjected to the joke. | ||
| I'm like, okay, watch this, watch this, watch this. | ||
| Watch me say this on air. | ||
| And she said, ah! | ||
| I'm like, yeah! | ||
| That's me right there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's my part. | |
| Out of the whole sentence, all I added was this. | ||
| And then it changed the game. | ||
| You know, that's the big thing. | ||
| So... | ||
| It's so many layers to this business, and you want to be in it, you want to be funny, but I think it's not a lot of people that would admit to what we have admitted to of, I was fucking being weak as shit right now. | ||
| And now, I want the strongest people, like somebody hosting or featuring for me, or if I'm on the show with multiple people. | ||
| I'm rooting for everybody to go out and do well. | ||
| Ali, what you going to do? | ||
| I'm just waiting on my 20 minutes and my 15 minutes and then after that I want to watch everybody else. | ||
| I'm watching before, I'm watching after. | ||
| I want to see everybody do well. | ||
| I didn't come up in an environment like that. | ||
| I came up in a very... | ||
| Competitive. | ||
| I'm going to try to kill the room before you go up as the host. | ||
| Okay, as the host, I thought my job was to get the room ready for the next two comics. | ||
| I don't think that it's about me. | ||
| And I think a lot of people who host, when I'm dealing with somebody who's hosting, I try to explain to them, hey, how much time are you doing, 10? | ||
| Use three minutes. | ||
| Use three minutes of it to get acclimated to the audience. | ||
| Don't go out. | ||
| Start with your material because now you're going to be fucking up because people are still coming in. | ||
| Now you're mad. | ||
| Just invite the people in first and then start sliding in your material. | ||
| That's good advice. | ||
| That's very good advice. | ||
| That's the worst thing when someone tries to jump right into a joke. | ||
| Hey, brother, I'm still ordering. | ||
| I ain't... | ||
| People still being seated. | ||
| I'm not hearing. | ||
| It's not that you're not funny. | ||
| I'm not hearing what you're saying. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Because I'm still... | ||
| So y'all got popcorn? | ||
| What y'all got? | ||
| Jalapeno bubbles? | ||
| I don't want that. | ||
| And I think that the dynamics of how you deal with stand-up is how you deal with life. | ||
| I think it's starting to merge like that for me. | ||
| How I deal with people in my particular career is how I deal with the people in my personal life. | ||
| Hey look, I don't have time for your opening shenanigans right now. | ||
| Tell my son all the time, you are the opener. | ||
| Your sisters are the feature and I am definitely the headliner of this whole household. | ||
| Without me, there's no show, sir. | ||
| There's no show. | ||
| That's a good way of looking at it. | ||
| Yeah, I agree with you about having strong opening acts, too. | ||
| It's so important. | ||
| The worst thing in the world is when you go see a headliner and they bring terrible opening acts. | ||
| And you know what they're doing. | ||
| They're just stacking the deck. | ||
| They just want themselves to look good. | ||
| But meanwhile, you subjected your audience to 35 minutes of bullshit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Your audience is like, say, who the... | ||
| I've heard an audience ask somebody, who the fuck is this guy? | ||
| And this is always make you love East Coast audiences. | ||
| Connecticut audiences, West Nyack, yo, who the fuck? | ||
| I didn't drive an hour from the city to see this guy. | ||
| Who is this? | ||
| And I had to come out, the management, the dude ain't trying to hear none of that shit. | ||
| And my man is like, yo, where is the fucking Mexican got on Boots guy? | ||
| I'm like, ah! | ||
| And I'm standing in the shadows. | ||
| I'm like, I'm coming, sir. | ||
| Just let him finish. | ||
| Like, yo, how long before? | ||
| And he even saw me. | ||
| How long before you go up? | ||
| I'm like, about time you get your drink. | ||
| I'll be honest. | ||
| Do you always bring opening acts on the road? | ||
| I try to. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I try to. | ||
| I try to at least bring the feature. | ||
| You have to in Florida. | ||
| That place is the worst. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They'll set you up with an opening act. | |
| You'll be like, what in the fuck is happening? | ||
| I remember I was working in Tampa once. | ||
| I was like, I gotta get out of the room because I don't think anything is funny anymore. | ||
| I think there's no funny. | ||
| I think funny is not real. | ||
| I gotta get out of here. | ||
| This is crazy. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| That was early in the career. | ||
| The guy's probably dead. | ||
| But he was a reckless motherfucker. | ||
| He was crazy. | ||
| But his act didn't make any sense. | ||
| It was like, oh my god, what am I seeing here? | ||
| But from like 99 on, I just started bringing opening acts. | ||
| I was like, I can't do this anymore. | ||
| This is... | ||
| The weird thing is, I'm... | ||
| I'm in Tampa this weekend. | ||
| Tampa's crazy. | ||
| There's a lot of swingers in Tampa too. | ||
| I think the first time I went to Tampa, it was like, yo man, from this point on, I'm going to bring at least the middle. | ||
| I'm fucking bringing the middle. | ||
| I try my best to It's weird. | ||
| I don't think people know the... | ||
| How could they, though? | ||
| The dynamics and the mindsets of comics when you get to a particular position of the things that you want to help do. | ||
| Like, how much help other comics have to give other comics. | ||
| 85% of your help comes from other goddamn comics. | ||
| Whether it's referring you to somebody... | ||
| Or telling somebody about you. | ||
| It's other comics. | ||
| So I try to give a lot of help to people that's in town. | ||
| Maybe you can't get in this club. | ||
| But you know me. | ||
| And this is just not the club where you work at. | ||
| Hey... | ||
| Because I'm in this position, I'll twist somebody's arm to get you to host. | ||
| But please don't make my twisting and the dude looking at me like, this is your guy, right? | ||
| But I know for a fact it's no better than the guy that you had here last time. | ||
| Okay, if he's terrible, what about the guy that you had here last time? | ||
| The reason why this terrible guy is here is because your guy was worse. | ||
| So... | ||
| So my middle, the middle is always going to be a ringer. | ||
| It's going to be somebody who's probably headlining somewhere else. | ||
| And now it's not a lot of work for people because like clubs and a lot of GMs have explained to me, like all we need is people who can hit grand slams. | ||
| We ain't got time for the, oh, you can get half the room. | ||
| We ain't got time for that shit. | ||
| We in the pandemic. | ||
| We need asses in the seats. | ||
| And this is what we doing. | ||
| So, it'll be a person who may have been doing cruise ships or colleges or some other venues where they're headlining, hey, can I come on the road with you? | ||
| Or my friends, if I'm writing something, you know, like to give me a different perspective, I just bring my friends, hey, they gonna watch my set, they gonna, hey man, you should do this. | ||
| So that's where I'm comfortable at. | ||
| And then I want somebody to hang out with that I know. | ||
| That's big. | ||
| That's big. | ||
| That keeps the road from being lonely. | ||
| I started bringing two opening acts because Joey Diaz didn't always show up. | ||
| Diaz was always my opener. | ||
| And one of the reasons why Diaz was my opener is he was the funniest dude that was willing to go on the road. | ||
| Diaz was a murderer. | ||
| But he liked to do 20 minutes. | ||
| He didn't like to do an hour. | ||
| He could do an hour, but Joey Diaz likes to just... | ||
| Guns blazing for 20 minutes. | ||
| Just mow them all down. | ||
| And then he's out of gas. | ||
| You know, he's a big guy. | ||
| He's got to take a break. | ||
| But that's his best set is 20 minutes of thunder. | ||
| You know, he was just destroyed for 20 minutes, half hour, whatever it is. | ||
| But this was the Joey Diaz Coke days. | ||
| And Joey, you never knew. | ||
| Most of the time he would show up, but sometimes you never knew. | ||
| Like one time I was in Jersey. | ||
| I was working at Rascals. | ||
| And he's not there for the first show. | ||
| He just doesn't show up. | ||
| First show starts like 40 minutes late because they got to call some other dude. | ||
| Because by the time showtime starts, can't get a hold of... | ||
| This is the beeper days, Joey. | ||
| I would call his pager. | ||
| And his fucking pager... | ||
| It was useless. | ||
| And then finally they get a local guy to come down. | ||
| He does his time and then I go up and then the second show starts late and the guy is fine. | ||
| The guy was pretty funny. | ||
| It worked out well. | ||
| But Joey was supposed to be there the next day. | ||
| And he had apparently talked to the booker and said, I was a mistake and this and that. | ||
| No problem. | ||
| I'll be there. | ||
| He was on a bender. | ||
| And then the next day, it's showtime. | ||
| It's 8 o'clock. | ||
| And I'm on the phone with him. | ||
| He goes, Joe Rogan, I'm not going to lie to you. | ||
| I never left Vegas. | ||
| He was in Vegas. | ||
| He never called. | ||
| I'm like, shit! | ||
| And so luckily we had that other dude. | ||
| But I decided then I'm going to bring two opening acts. | ||
| So that way I bring Ari Shafir. | ||
| I would bring Duncan Trussell. | ||
| And I bring whoever could make it. | ||
| And then I would bring Joey Diaz. | ||
| And if Joey showed up, we got a three-man show. | ||
| Joey didn't show up, we got a two-man show. | ||
| But I didn't want to tell Joey not to show up. | ||
| Because he's magic. | ||
| Like, when he's there, it's magic. | ||
| You know? | ||
| It's the... | ||
| I think... | ||
| This is the thing. | ||
| I have... | ||
| Like Bert. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bert... | |
| Has a fucking freedom about comedy and life that I wish I had developed earlier. | ||
| Because I don't have it down. | ||
| He literally has his shit down. | ||
| In what way? | ||
| This is when I knew that his life was different than mine. | ||
| I'm getting ready to do his podcast. | ||
| He calls like, hey, you in Tampa, you know, doing my podcast. | ||
| I'm out here at vacation with my family, my people from here, you know. | ||
| So he shows up to my room, literally. | ||
| Walks in, no fucking shirt on. | ||
| Toes are fucking, toenails are painted. | ||
| He literally just coming from like the beach with his kids or something and they doing the podcast. | ||
| Walks in my room, he's like, Ali, were you raised by a single mother? | ||
| I was like, yeah, how you know? | ||
| Because your fucking room is amazing. | ||
| I've been in my room for three hours, it's like I've been squatting in my room. | ||
| I was like, okay. | ||
| So we doing this podcast, we just fucking randomly talk for like two half hours, about just whatever. | ||
| And he's sitting in my... | ||
| In my room, he has his feet crossed in the chair. | ||
| He's fucking just so relaxed, so we're walking out. | ||
| And I don't know why my mind is judging him like this. | ||
| And it's literally, it's like a Honda, Toyota Civic, something so small ass car. | ||
| And I'm like, quite sure. | ||
| I'm walking towards this car. | ||
| Like, quite sure this is what he's in. | ||
| Because he's a shirtless, barefooted man. | ||
| So this is probably what he drove in. | ||
| And as I'm walking, it's a huge-ass Benz. | ||
| On the side that is like white. | ||
| Very fucking nice. | ||
| I'm not even looking at this car. | ||
| I'm going straight over here. | ||
| And I turn around. | ||
| Because I'm almost at this car. | ||
| I turn around and he has a trunk popped up on this bench. | ||
| He's like, oh, that's your rental car? | ||
| I'm like, no, I'm thinking this is your car. | ||
| Shirtless. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Homeless. | |
| Very homeless looking white man. | ||
| He's like, That's jumping in the fucking Benz right now. | ||
| It looked like it got fur on the goddamn inside of it. | ||
| I was like, he's in the Benz with no shirt on, with fucking painted toenails, with no goddamn shoes on, just driving around like, alright man, see you in LA when you come to the podcast. | ||
| I'm like, yo, I said, this is fucking the life. | ||
| I've never been in a car with no shirt on, and I've never been barefooted driving anything. | ||
| And he was just in my room. | ||
| I'm like, what fucking type of life is this that he has that he's just this comfortable? | ||
| And I thought about it for days. | ||
| And I thought I would get over it like for a day and I'm in Ybor City and you know you walking around there and there's fucking roosters everywhere and little lizards walking around. | ||
| I'm like, he's from here. | ||
| And I'm like, this is why he's like this. | ||
| It's like this fucking carefree ass life. | ||
| And I tried it. | ||
| I went home back to Houston. | ||
| And I tried it. | ||
| I walked outside my house with no shirt on and no shoes. | ||
| You know how many goddamn letters? | ||
| Little text messages I got. | ||
| Yo, what the fuck are you doing? | ||
| You homeless? | ||
| Like, I've tried to cycle. | ||
| I've tried to cycle and I quit because black people are very hard. | ||
| Black people are very hard in my neighborhood. | ||
| The rumor, it was a rumor. | ||
| It was literally a rumor going around. | ||
| Hey, I think Ali lost his truck. | ||
| I think his truck got repossessed. | ||
| I'm like, who is saying this shit? | ||
| He's like, yo, they saw you on a bike, man. | ||
| I was on a Cannondale. | ||
| I wasn't on a regular ass bike. | ||
| It was like I was on a Huffy. | ||
| It was like I was trying to, I had the shit on. | ||
| I had the tight shit on. | ||
| But like, it's like this is what happens when you're hanging with your white friends going to fucking cycle and somebody see you and you're like, yo, Ali lost his truck. | ||
| It was fucking, I was on a fucking bike. | ||
| But the freedom of some people in this comedy, like I think y'all have a different comedy community than the black comedy community. | ||
| which is a weird thing you you have to get up to a certain tier to where it's not black and white anymore it's just comedy and mainstream because i think the the rooms are a little different in And I try to tell Cass, I'm like, nah, it's not. | ||
| Urban rooms are no different than bar shows. | ||
| They fucking both shit sometimes. | ||
| But then when you start getting up to the comedy club level and the theater level, it definitely changes. | ||
| It's not... | ||
| I don't want to go out and be better than Joe Rogan. | ||
| I'm on the show. | ||
| If it's Maz Jobrani... | ||
| You, me, Joey, I want everybody to have a fucking good time, but in a club, In clubs, it's not comedy clubs. | ||
| It would have been like, no, I'm fucking finna go out here and destroy everybody around me and be the only center of light. | ||
| And I'm not in that space anymore. | ||
| And I think because I've tiered up to a mainstream thing where I just want to go have a good time and have a good show. | ||
| And I want the waitstaff to be happy. | ||
| I'm concerned about other shit now. | ||
| I want everybody to be good. | ||
| But at first, it was like, I just wanted to be the fucking monster in the room, and now I'm not like that anymore. | ||
| Yeah, everybody wants to be the monster in the room when you're coming up. | ||
| Once you do a theater, though, the theater level's different because then you know people are coming to see you. | ||
| Like, there's no other reason to be at that theater. | ||
| No other reason. | ||
| If you go to a comedy club, people go to a comedy club and just say, oh, let's see. | ||
| Let's see. | ||
| I don't know who that is, but let's see. | ||
| People do that all the time. | ||
| All the time. | ||
| I mean, if you have a comedy club like Comedy Works in Denver or Zany's in Nashville, I mean, they have a built-in community. | ||
| There's a built-in number of people that know. | ||
| Zany's always has good comics. | ||
| If you go there, you're going to see a good show. | ||
| You like their club? | ||
| It's a good club! | ||
| I fucking love Zany's. | ||
| That's a great club. | ||
| Did you see when they got hit by a truck? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| How crazy is that? | ||
| They got hit on Tuesday. | ||
| They was back open Friday. | ||
| Were they really? | ||
| Good for them. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Good for them. | ||
| That's a great club. | ||
| What's the best club? | ||
| In your opinion. | ||
| Cap City here was pretty fucking good. | ||
| Cap City was fucking good. | ||
| But it's gone. | ||
| It's gone. | ||
| Went under. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Comedy Works in Denver. | ||
| Pretty fucking good. | ||
| Never played it. | ||
| Never? | ||
| Wanted to play it. | ||
| And that's the other thing about fucking politics of the game. | ||
| Hey, you playing over here. | ||
| Oh, so you did the improv in Denver? | ||
| That's great too, though. | ||
| The improv's great too. | ||
| I never did it. | ||
| I heard it's great. | ||
| It's a nice club. | ||
| Diaz did it. | ||
| He said it was great. | ||
| I think Diaz did it. | ||
| I know people who have done it for sure. | ||
| Comedy works is amazing. | ||
| The lady who runs it, Wendy. | ||
| Shout out to Wendy. | ||
| She's a great lady. | ||
| She's been responsible for the community in Denver for a long time too because she has a whole tier system of open micers and she brings them on to become hosts and then gets them into the middle slot position and actually develops headliners like local Denver based headliners. | ||
| Which is, that's so important for a community. | ||
| You know, I want to open up a club out here, and one of the things that I want to do, really important, is have open mic nights two nights a week. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Two nights a week. | ||
| You've got to develop local talent. | ||
| It's so important. | ||
| And you're in a city that... | ||
| It can definitely be done. | ||
| It can be done. | ||
| And they definitely need... | ||
| Austin has always been... | ||
| Step behind Dallas. | ||
| Dallas is maybe three steps behind Houston when it comes to stand-up. | ||
| Yeah, Houston's always been the shining light in Texas. | ||
| From Kennison to Bill Hicks to... | ||
| I mean, there's so many great comics came out of that little area alone, you know, where that last stop was. | ||
| I'm fucking chasing Bill Hicks. | ||
| It's a weird thing. | ||
| Chasing him? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's like... | ||
| And I think that's the other part of... | ||
| How I am. | ||
| It's like when you mention, when people mention a certain area, because when I was first starting, people told me, you know, you got to go to New York, got to go to LA. I was so anti that. | ||
| I would go to do shows and come back home, but I never wanted to move there to validate that. | ||
| That was one of the things I came into this business. | ||
| I am not moving to either one of these places because I think that's a bunch of bullshit that... | ||
| You got to stay here or you got to be here in order for somebody to see. | ||
| I'm like, well, I'm not doing it. | ||
| Not anymore. | ||
| You know, this is in 1997 that I said that I'm not doing this shit. | ||
| And so by 99, I'm full-fledged stand-up. | ||
| This is all I'm doing. | ||
| I quit both my jobs and I'm just doing stand-up. | ||
| And I'm refusing. | ||
| Like, you need to go to LA. I'm not doing it. | ||
| Because it's like you validate somebody. | ||
| You validate that whole thing as this is the only place where it'll happen. | ||
| So, being so against it. | ||
| I just pushed straight Houston, Texas. | ||
| It's all about Texas to me. | ||
| And I would only hear your greatness is going to be judged by Bill Hicks. | ||
| Like you chasing this ghost of Bill Hicks. | ||
| So when they would mention the best comics out of the South or they would mention Texas, they would always mention Bill Hicks. | ||
| I would go places and Bill Hicks would be on the wall. | ||
| And I would say, what the fuck do I have to do to get in this realm? | ||
| And Ralphie was like, got work, man! | ||
| Ralphie was in Houston when I started. | ||
| In Houston, it was me, Ralphie. | ||
| And I think that's about the only people that people would know off the rip. | ||
| So, it was Thea Vidal, Sam Kensington, Bill Hicks. | ||
| That was the thing. | ||
| Then it became Ruchon McDonald, because he was with Steve Harvey, producing stuff with Steve. | ||
| So... | ||
| I looked up Bill Hicks, like his accomplishments. | ||
| I was like, what has he accomplished? | ||
| He was like, he did this, he did that. | ||
| And I would try to supersede all that. | ||
| And then I've done that, so to speak. | ||
| And people still don't bring me up. | ||
| They would literally have to talk about, let's talk about the best storytellers. | ||
| Then I would be brought up. | ||
| When they say comics, they still... | ||
| I'm like, fucking shit. | ||
| His comedy was different because he was the first guy in my era, right? | ||
| When I was an open-miker, he was the first guy that I had ever seen that brought ideas that weren't necessarily comedy ideas. | ||
| And he brought them to the stage. | ||
| He tried to figure out a way to make things funny that were philosophical ideas. | ||
| Maybe more so than they even were stand-up bits. | ||
| And that was one of the big criticisms of him. | ||
| Some of his jokes weren't really funny. | ||
| I remember I dated this girl once and I made her watch a Hicks special. | ||
| It wasn't the best Hicks special to watch because it was the one that he had a cowboy hat on. | ||
| He did it in the UK and it was a one-take thing. | ||
| And it was in front of a large audience. | ||
| And I think whenever you have a one, like, this is my special, ready, go. | ||
| You only have one show. | ||
| You're going to be too tense. | ||
| You're going to be too tight. | ||
| And it just didn't seem loose. | ||
| Like, I had seen him live before where it was loose. | ||
| And I was like, he has just a way of thinking. | ||
| That is attractive. | ||
| Like, he thought about things in a way. | ||
| Like, he explained things. | ||
| He had logic to him. | ||
| And so this girl was like, he's not very funny. | ||
| She's like, he's really interesting, but he's not very funny. | ||
| And I wanted to go, shut your fucking mouth! | ||
| But I thought about it and I was like, God damn it, she's right. | ||
| In this one special, it was not that good. | ||
| If you compare it to Live on the Sunset Strip or Delirious or Kinison, Louder Than Hell, those were way better. | ||
| They were way funnier. | ||
| I showed her Kinison and she was crying laughing. | ||
| I was like, okay. | ||
| It's like, Hicks, when you saw him when he was at his best, though, he just had a way of describing, like, he made sense. | ||
| Like, he had, like, a lot, there was perspective, and there was, like, an education behind his ideas that was pretty rare for comedy. | ||
| Like, he played, he didn't play to the level of the room, he played above that. | ||
| He played to his own level. | ||
| Like, what the things that he was thinking about. | ||
| And still to this day, Young Man on Acid is one of the best bits ever. | ||
| He's got some great fucking bits. | ||
| He's got some great bits. | ||
| A bit about during the Iraq War. | ||
| Some great shit about how they were just practicing. | ||
| They had amazing weapons. | ||
| How do we know? | ||
| Well, we sold them to them. | ||
| We got the receipts. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He was like... | |
| Because we did. | ||
| We armed the Iraqi army and then we went and fucked them up. | ||
| But he had this bit about the war that was so different than anybody else's take on the war. | ||
| Like he said, yeah, Bill, they say, Iraq has the third largest army in the world. | ||
| He goes, well, after the first two, there's a big fucking drop-off. | ||
| It's like the Salvation Army is number four. | ||
| He had some great bits. | ||
| His perspective, it wasn't obvious. | ||
| You would watch him and you'd be... | ||
| I remember Richard Jenney, who was one of my all-time favorites. | ||
| He said to me, he goes, I saw Hicks and I was like, God damn it, I need to do more of that. | ||
| He goes, I need to have more of my actual opinions. | ||
| Even though Jenny would... | ||
| Jenny would murder! | ||
| Man, Richard Jenny was a joke-writing savage. | ||
| I mean, I saw him in 1988 when I was first starting, and he was a killer. | ||
| And then I worked at Eastside Comedy Club on Long Island, and all the comedians were depressed. | ||
| Because Richard Jenney had just been there. | ||
| And it was on Sunday that I came down, and the guys that were there on Friday and Saturday would go, dude, he did a different hour every show. | ||
| He did four different hours and fucking destroyed. | ||
| Never told a joke twice. | ||
| Did completely different material for every show, and it was murderous. | ||
| And all these comics that held on to their 20 minutes, like it was just, this was like a baby in a river. | ||
| Like, I got you! | ||
| I got you! | ||
| They held on to these bits. | ||
| They would never change and expand. | ||
| And Jenny did four different hours. | ||
| And everybody was depressed. | ||
| I think to this day, I always say this. | ||
| People don't appreciate that guy. | ||
| He committed suicide. | ||
| People don't remember. | ||
| They weren't there during the day. | ||
| He wanted to be a movie star. | ||
| He wanted to be a TV star. | ||
| But he was one of the best comics that ever lived. | ||
| And when I saw him, I saw him in his prime. | ||
| I saw him at a bunch of different places. | ||
| I saw him in LA at the Laugh Stop. | ||
| I saw him at Comedy Works in Montreal. | ||
| I just seen that guy murdered to the point where I feel like... | ||
| I remember thinking when I first started, I'm never going to be that good. | ||
| I'm fucked. | ||
| Because there's levels. | ||
| I don't know if I could ever get there. | ||
| There's a top of the mountain. | ||
| I might die of no oxygen before I get to where he's at. | ||
| And... | ||
| And even he was looking at Hicks like, shit, I need to do more of that. | ||
| You said earlier that as people get older, they stop learning. | ||
| This is where... | ||
| I can't even... | ||
| I don't want to miss nothing. | ||
| I don't want to stop the thought. | ||
| When it comes to stand-up, I sit here and I absorb and I listen because I know when I came into this business, stand-up was like one thing to me. | ||
| And then I started looking at all the... | ||
| Like when people say, what were your influences? | ||
| What? | ||
| The average person expects me to say Richard Pryor, all this shit. | ||
| I'm like, no. | ||
| Carol Burnett, Hee Haw, fucking Don Rickles. | ||
| People who I was fucking growing up seeing on TV, this is who was funny to me. | ||
| Carol Burnett was fucking hysterical to me. | ||
| Rodney Dangerfield, he was hysterical. | ||
| Like, I wasn't... | ||
| I stole Richard Pryor albums way later, but Lucille Ball was fucking on TV. Like, I was watching her. | ||
| I didn't have to listen to her album when my parents left. | ||
| Don Rickles had to be one of the funniest people on the planet to me. | ||
| I don't give a damn what other people say. | ||
| I'm like, yo, I was fucking hysterical. | ||
| Back in the day, he was a murderer. | ||
| Yo, so... | ||
| Sammy Davis Jr. was fucking hysterical to me. | ||
| It's like me watching Cannonball Run. | ||
| I thought everybody on Cannonball Run was a fucking comic. | ||
| Because I'm like, yo, this had to be one of the funniest movies I've ever seen. | ||
| So... | ||
| When somebody gives you something, Billy Dee Washington, this is why I like Bill Hicks. | ||
| Ali, when you are not being funny on stage, be interesting. | ||
| You have the ability to be able to do both. | ||
| And I was like, huh? | ||
| He's like... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Be interesting. | |
| Like, how you do that? | ||
| He's like... | ||
| Okay, do what you do when you come in the barbershop and you tell us a story about something that we don't know anything about. | ||
| Say, being incarcerated, what it was like in this. | ||
| People want to hear that story. | ||
| I'm like, no, I don't. | ||
| It's like, trust me. | ||
| So, I started putting in these little bits about me growing up or how something happened and People start gravitating towards it like, oh man, what you just said, that was, man, I was thinking about it. | ||
| Because I hadn't got that ever when I got off saying, I got you, it was funny. | ||
| But I never had got to the point where somebody said they was thinking about something that I said. | ||
| Thinking about it. | ||
| You wasn't laughing at it? | ||
| No, I was thinking about what you said. | ||
| I'm like, oh shit. | ||
| So you can get people to think and get people to laugh because it's both people in the audience. | ||
| There's some people that don't want to think about shit. | ||
| They just want you to say something that's humorous. | ||
| There's some people that want to be like, what is this taking? | ||
| What does he feel about it? | ||
| And you start learning this And I learned this maybe year number 11. So when somebody is in year number 5, year number 3, year number 4, and they already think that they're great, I'm thinking like, well, I got shit that I wrote that I'm still... | ||
| None of my things are finished. | ||
| Because my career is not... | ||
| It's all these different perspectives I have. | ||
| So nothing is old to me. | ||
| And I'm not hanging on to 20 minutes. | ||
| Because I'm going to say what happened to me during the course of the day. | ||
| Because now I got this perspective where I can be interesting. | ||
| I can be funny. | ||
| I can have respect. | ||
| This shit... | ||
| Matter of fact, this shit that I'm about to say don't make no sense. | ||
| Like... | ||
| It's not even a complete thought. | ||
| I'm thinking about it. | ||
| I'm actually asking the question at this point. | ||
| Would you prefer an unshaved man or a shaved man? | ||
| What are we talking about? | ||
| Then I just dive into these things, not go into the perspective of why I would shave my underarms and my pubic hair. | ||
| Why wouldn't I? When you get into the game, you don't know you can do any of that. | ||
| When you're looking at these other people, you're like, oh shit, Franklin of the Jive. | ||
| I've laughed, but I thought more than I laughed. | ||
| He had one of my all-time favorite jokes about watching the Olympics. | ||
| He goes, I don't watch the dude who comes in first. | ||
| He goes, I watch the dude who comes in last. | ||
| He goes, you can see that guy running going, oh shit. | ||
| I'm about to come in last in the Olympics. | ||
| And then he started thinking, fuck, I could have not even trained and I was still coming last. | ||
| Think about all the sacrifice I made. | ||
| And he goes, then reality starts sitting in. | ||
| I don't even have a fucking job. | ||
| It was a great bit, man. | ||
| I remember that bit. | ||
| He's a very jazz-like comic. | ||
| Franklin Ajay, his bits were like, he would let him drag out. | ||
| He would let you think about him. | ||
| He didn't force anything. | ||
| He wasn't trying to say it quickly. | ||
| He was confident, relaxed. | ||
| I remember thinking that bit was a genius bit. | ||
| Dad and women always say excuse me about their house. | ||
| Excuse me, my house is filthy. | ||
| He was like, I'm at this daily house. | ||
| He said, excuse my house is filthy. | ||
| He walked in. | ||
| Her house was fucking immaculate. | ||
| He said, no, there's some dust over there on that TV. He said, yeah, I was going to ask you about that. | ||
| She goes to his house. | ||
| And then they in there and she said, can I be frank with you? | ||
| She was looking uncomfortable. | ||
| Can I be frank with you? | ||
| She said, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Your house is disgusting. | |
| Your house is filthy. | ||
| I was like, what? | ||
| My house is straightened up. | ||
| She takes her finger and she goes on the stand and says, look at all of this dust. | ||
| Look at all this dust. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He was like, yeah. | |
| So I was sitting there trying to figure out How she gonna get that dust back in that fingerprint? | ||
| I'm like, this is fucking genius shit. | ||
| How you gonna get the dust back in the fingerprint so it looks normal again? | ||
| Don't make me clean it up. | ||
| Oh, it's the... | ||
| The perspective and the honesty of the person that you're looking at. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you don't want to be able to separate. | ||
| Oh, he's this way. | ||
| I think the only person who I think that's a fucking genius that I don't have any words for. | ||
| He's going to get his ass kicked. | ||
| A lot of people saved him from getting the shit beat out of him. | ||
| Paul Mooney is like I was so fucking mad at Paul Mooney because he asked me to... | ||
| I'm featured for Paul Mooney and he comes in the room and is like, yo, go count the room. | ||
| Hmm? | ||
| Like, what? | ||
| Like, go count the room. | ||
| I said, that's not my job to count the room. | ||
| I said, I'm the feature. | ||
| But I want you to count the room. | ||
| I said, shit, people in hell want ice water too, but that's not my job. | ||
| Comes back 20 minutes later. | ||
| Didn't I tell you to count the room? | ||
| I was like, my man, that's why you bring people with you in order to do that. | ||
| Another 10 minutes go by, he comes back, yeah, let your white boyfriend know that the club is sold out. | ||
| He's talking about Raymond, the GM of the improv in Houston. | ||
| It's like, we friends, but I don't think Raymond would even expect me to know the room is counted. | ||
| He's never, that's never happened. | ||
| Cut to... | ||
| I'm sitting there. | ||
| And he comes back. | ||
| He said, next time I ask you to do something, you need to do it. | ||
| And I leaned towards him in his face. | ||
| I said, if you say one more word to me, Paul, I'm going to stomp the shit out you in this green room. | ||
| Because you being fucking disrespectful. | ||
| Don't ask me shit. | ||
| So now the rest of the weekend is tight. | ||
| It's tight. | ||
| This is... | ||
| This is tight. | ||
|
unidentified
|
This shit is bad. | |
| I'm like, I'm never... | ||
| I called DL. I was like, yo, I'm like 10 minutes from whooping Paul Moniz. | ||
| He's like, don't whoop Paul Moniz's ass. | ||
| He's an old man. | ||
| I'm like... | ||
| How many years ago is this? | ||
| This is like, hold on. | ||
| Let's go back. | ||
| Improv has been there where it is. | ||
| So we're going to go 13 years. | ||
| 13, 14 years. | ||
| And he's like, yo, he's an old man. | ||
| I'm like, yo, so that means he's responsible for what he's saying. | ||
| I'm going to whoop his ass. | ||
| He's like... | ||
| He's like, they're gonna, they're probably gonna blackball you. | ||
| I said, it'll be the fucking second time. | ||
| I don't give a shit. | ||
| He was like, don't whoop Paul Monia. | ||
| Three years later, Austin. | ||
| We're booked at the Paramount Theater. | ||
| Right next to it is the States. | ||
| So we're both booked there for this Black Letters Poetry Society that they're doing. | ||
| Paul's the headliner. | ||
| We're both doing 45 minutes apiece. | ||
| Our green rooms are right around the corner. | ||
| The lady has no idea that me and Paul don't... | ||
| We don't have any words for each other. | ||
| And she keeps trying to... | ||
| Well, you know, Paul's over here. | ||
| And Paul, you know Ali's over here? | ||
| And neither one of us are speaking to each other. | ||
| We're like, fuck that. | ||
| I go, do my thing, Paul is next, and I'm sitting in the green room, and Dre, Dre's with me, same guy. | ||
| We sit in the green room, and my door is open. | ||
| Paul walks by, and this is his apology, because he know he was wrong with shit what he said. | ||
| This is his apology. | ||
| He walks past the room and leans back and says, Hi, Ali. | ||
| And then walks through. | ||
| I was like, Dre, I fucking hate him so much. | ||
| He's like, he just apologized, Ali. | ||
| When I came to the store in 94, Paul was the elder statesman. | ||
| And he gave me no time of day. | ||
| He wouldn't barely make eye contact with me. | ||
| I would bring him up on stage and he would act like I just took a shit all over the stage until one day. | ||
| And one day, he made me feel like a real comic. | ||
| Like, he gave me... | ||
| He helped me so much. | ||
| Because I was just starting out, man. | ||
| I was on... | ||
| Six years in a comedy. | ||
| When I came to the comedy store, I did a late night set. | ||
| And there was maybe 15, 20 people in the room. | ||
| And I don't give a fuck if there's 20 people or 100 people or 1,000 people. | ||
| I do my show. | ||
| I don't half-ass it. | ||
| And I was on stage and I heard, Ha ha! | ||
| He was laughing his fucking ass off. | ||
| And I brought him up, and then afterwards he came up, he put his hand on me, he goes, you're a real fucking comic. | ||
| He goes, there was no one in that room, and he goes, and you gave those motherfuckers a show. | ||
| You're a real comic. | ||
| And I remember thinking, holy shit, Paul Mooney told me I was a real comic. | ||
| It was literally one of the first words we ever had to each other. | ||
| After that, we were very friendly. | ||
| But I was insecure around him. | ||
| I knew he wrote for Richard Pryor, and I would see him on stage, and he was brilliant. | ||
| I mean, so many people stole some of his shit. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Dude, he's one of my fucking favorites, and to get into it with him, I'm like, yo, it's fucking horrible. | ||
| It is fucking literally horrible, because I had so much admiration And I still think he's one of the greatest. | ||
| I just think he's a fucking ass sometimes. | ||
| He can be sometimes, you know, but it's just like it's part of his brilliance, you know? | ||
| Go count the room. | ||
| You know, I'm quite sure you heard of Rodney Winfield. | ||
| I know the name, yeah. | ||
| I used to wear a sailor cap. | ||
| so just joking the club that I started at he would sit on right on like literally you come down it's the bar and he sits right on the edge of the bar so when the comics come off stage you have to pass him like it's no other way to get off stage and not pass him and he talked like that That's his voice. | ||
| So every night, every night I would get off and I would have to walk past him. | ||
| And every night he had something to say. | ||
| Every single night. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ali, let me tell you what was wrong with what you said. | |
| What was wrong with what you said? | ||
| Everything. | ||
| The fact that you was up there, that was the first goddamn wrong right there. | ||
| So then... | ||
| Go up, going up. | ||
| He coming to watch me host. | ||
| Goddamn, Ali. | ||
| Shit. | ||
| Every night, every day, every time I think that you're getting better. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Goddamn. | ||
| You just let me down. | ||
| Weekend after weekend. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| You know something? | ||
| I almost laughed. | ||
| Goddamn it, Ali. | ||
| The night that I knew that I had turned the corner with him, this is his compliment. | ||
| Get off stage. | ||
| Ali. | ||
| Let me tell you, it's one thing that was wrong with your whole set. | ||
| Everything else was brilliant. | ||
| Everything was brilliant. | ||
| One thing was wrong with your set. | ||
| I said, what was that? | ||
| I said all that shit 30 years ago. | ||
| I was like, okay, that's his ultimate compliment. | ||
| That's not bad. | ||
| You done stepped into his lane. | ||
| He was like, the only thing that was wrong, I said all that shit 30 years ago. | ||
| When you're a young comic, getting a compliment from someone who's established is gigantic. | ||
| I can help you so much. | ||
| Yes, I think. | ||
| I think it's definitely a boost. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| There's a few of those I can remember. | ||
| I can look back and think, that person helped me a lot. | ||
| Because, you know, in the beginning, you don't know if you're going to make it. | ||
| It's such a crazy art form. | ||
| Because, like, as we were talking before about all the different styles and all the different people and the different influences, no one can teach you how to do it. | ||
| It's so open-ended. | ||
| You just got to figure it out. | ||
| So you heard of Clubhouse, right? | ||
| Sure. | ||
| So I'm on Clubhouse. | ||
| How does anybody have the time for that? | ||
| The only reason I had time, I had fucking COVID. I was in a... | ||
| I haven't been on since I've been back in the world. | ||
| In isolation, this is the only thing you have to the world to hear other people's voices. | ||
| You're like a leper once you get goddamn COVID. So I'm in the hotel room, I'm listening, and... | ||
| I just happen to ask the question. | ||
| I say, what do y'all think about comedy class? | ||
| I say, I know LA is really big. | ||
| A lot of LA commas are really big on comedy classes. | ||
| But I say, I'm really not the comedy class guy. | ||
| So people go fucking berserk. | ||
| Comedy classes are this and comedy classes. | ||
| And now... | ||
| They're saying it's good or bad? | ||
| They're saying it's great. | ||
| Like, this is the best thing. | ||
| It's a sliced bread. | ||
| I'm like, are y'all trying to be combative with me? | ||
| I'm trying to understand. | ||
| Are these established comedians you're talking to? | ||
| This is the thing about Clubhouse. | ||
| For some strange reason, there are no new comics on Clubhouse. | ||
| Everybody is a fucking professional. | ||
| Everybody's headlining all over the place. | ||
| Everybody's Everybody's pros. | ||
| And I'm like, wow. | ||
| People who I've never... | ||
| Not that if I've never heard of you, don't mean that you're not a pro. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But... | |
| Okay. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So... | |
| I'm... | ||
| Now it's becoming a... | ||
| An attack on... | ||
| What I'm saying. | ||
| Now we going back and forth. | ||
| And there's people... | ||
| Well, comedy... | ||
| I say, well, I don't think a comedy cast can teach you shit... | ||
| I said, well, name all the greats that went to goddamn comedy class. | ||
| Well, you know, for me... | ||
| Well, that's for you. | ||
| But what did you learn? | ||
| I said, I don't prescribe to the whole thing of people who can't do teach. | ||
| Teach you what? | ||
| How not to be able to fucking do? | ||
| That don't make no sense. | ||
| I'm like, yo, I think that a comedy class... | ||
| Depend upon who is taught by. | ||
| But even with that, I can only teach you what I do. | ||
| I can't teach you the whole spectrum of comedy. | ||
| I can't teach you how to be you. | ||
| That's the whole thing. | ||
| I need you as a stand-up. | ||
| It has to be connected to you. | ||
| I don't want to see you try to do somebody else. | ||
| I want to see you do you. | ||
| And you got to find you. | ||
| And this shit is trial and error. | ||
| I think it's like being a chef. | ||
| At least with a chef, you could teach this is how you sear, this is how you baste, this is how you... | ||
| There's certain things you can learn, techniques and things. | ||
| With comedy, you can't even do that because everybody does it so differently. | ||
| I think the best thing comedy classes do is get you on stage. | ||
| I think that's the best thing they can do. | ||
| And this is an open mic today because it would be people that would say they went to comedy class. | ||
| And then they would come see me. | ||
| And then like, yo, you do everything that they told us not to do. | ||
| I was like, what'd they tell you not to do? | ||
| You don't fucking move the microphone stand. | ||
| You don't do anything. | ||
| Like, I talk with the microphone stand right in my face. | ||
| It's depending on what I'm saying. | ||
| It's a purpose for me doing that. | ||
| Like, I have a chair and a stool on stage. | ||
| My props are the chair, the stool, and the stand. | ||
| So I try to create these things with these three objects. | ||
| Well, how do you do that? | ||
| This is fucking trial and error. | ||
| The stool hasn't always been in the right spot. | ||
| I've learned that I need this stool to be right here. | ||
| So if I do this lean, I want it to seem seamless. | ||
| I adjust stuff so much on stage without people even paying attention. | ||
| I move a chair way early in my set because I know that eventually I'm going to position and when I walk over here, And I just fall back and I'm right in the chair. | ||
| People are like, how did that chair get there? | ||
| I moved it three jokes ago. | ||
| Three stories ago. | ||
| I don't think somebody can teach you that. | ||
| I don't think somebody can teach you how to deal with a heckler. | ||
| I don't think somebody can teach you how to deal with the goddamn... | ||
| Worst thing in the world to me in stand-up, comedy clubs that's listening all over the world, do not put fucking bridesmaid wedding parties anywhere near the front of a stage. | ||
| She's getting married. | ||
| Bitch, I don't care. | ||
| I see the dicks around her goddamn head. | ||
| I see the light-up dick necklace. | ||
| You think you just wearing that? | ||
| You think you wearing a light-up dick necklace and I don't know that you're getting married? | ||
| That is so universal. | ||
| How do they not know that it's a comedy show and that there's 350 other people in the room and that it's not about you? | ||
| If you want to go there and enjoy and laugh, that's great. | ||
| But don't make it about her. | ||
| Don't point at your friend and decide that the show has to revolve around them. | ||
| These are the worst goddamn fingers. | ||
| They get drunk. | ||
| She's getting... | ||
|
unidentified
|
She's getting... | |
| Worse is that when it's just a birthday. | ||
| It's her birthday! | ||
| Like, oh boy. | ||
| No one cares. | ||
| First of all, it's not your birthday. | ||
| It's the anniversary of your birthday. | ||
| The anniversary of your birthday. | ||
| You were born 34 fucking years ago. | ||
| Let it go. | ||
| It's not your birthday. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bitch, you're 34. It's not your birthday. | |
| You're not instantly born. | ||
| This is not your first day on earth. | ||
| Get the fuck out of here. | ||
| So you're the finest day old motherfucker I've ever seen. | ||
| Don't ever say that to a guy because guys don't give a fuck about birthdays. | ||
| We give a fuck about birthdays if your kids say happy birthday daddy or if your wife says happy birthday. | ||
| That's nice. | ||
| But I don't give a fuck about my birthday. | ||
| Do you know how mad a man is when his wife hollers out it's his birthday at the comedy club and he's sitting there like this? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ugh. | |
| It's like, yeah, he's looking at you like, yeah, it's my birthday, but I don't need you to say a fucking thing. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Bachelorette parties, bridal parties, any of that kind of shit at a comedy club, yeah, they're the worst. | ||
| Or people like this. | ||
| You ever had this? | ||
| The club people think that they're doing you a favor by putting your friends right in the fucking front. | ||
| Oh, that's not good. | ||
| So you just walk out and see your sister like, I'm going to be saying things about her. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| This is an amazing person. | ||
| I need her back at least three rows. | ||
| So her fucking disbelief in her face when I'm saying this shit is not going to be... | ||
| I'm not going to see it. | ||
| Because I say some shit about my sister. | ||
| My sister is like, yo, this is what we doing? | ||
| So you know I was in the fucking Navy, right? | ||
| You know I can still do 200 straight-ass push-ups. | ||
| I whip your ass. | ||
| I remember my sister came home from the Navy. | ||
| I thought she was the fucking toughest woman ever. | ||
| She could do 200 push-ups? | ||
| Because at the time, she could do fucking 200- Straight? | ||
| Ass push-ups. | ||
| 100 straight. | ||
| Then she started breaking them down to 25 and she stopped. | ||
| That's incredible. | ||
| She was just coming home from the Navy. | ||
| It's like, yo, I watched her go and come back and she was like, my sister was diesel. | ||
| She was sitting across the table. | ||
| It's like... | ||
| My sister knows she had nothing for me growing up. | ||
| And she's two years older than me. | ||
| But it's like she came back from the Navy. | ||
| She was like, yeah, you know anything you want to do, right? | ||
| Like, why you talking so aggressive? | ||
| I ain't been in your room or nothing. | ||
| She's like, yeah, so just know. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like, we had breakfast. | |
| I'm just not seeing you. | ||
| My sister was like, no, just know I'm home. | ||
| Just know I'm home. | ||
| What? | ||
| And I said, working out, and she'd come back, this is what I knew, my sister was trying to intimidate me, she'd come back from like a long run, and she was like, 15 miles! | ||
| I'm like, I can't fucking run 15 seconds, I know I'm not gonna fucking, you just ran fucking 15 miles! | ||
| Like, yo, I'm not fucking with my sister. | ||
| She was dead ass serious, like, yeah, you be in them streets, yeah, I been in the military, I just came from Frisco, I mean, though, she was coming from San Diego, where they was, Yeah. | ||
| My sister was like, yo, I want to whoop your ass. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| My sister was looking at me like, yo, just make a move. | ||
| Just make a move. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| She was so jacked up. | ||
| I was like, yo, are you a fucking seal or something? | ||
| You just went to training. | ||
| My sister's taken. | ||
| I've acquired a special set of skills since I've been gone. | ||
| And buddy, you are the one that I want to... | ||
| My sister wanted to submit me. | ||
| I think that's the thing. | ||
| I think she wanted to submit me. | ||
| My friend got submitted. | ||
| Bye, girl. | ||
| No, if I do a little white boy who I told him was going to fuck him up. | ||
| In a jiu-jitsu class? | ||
| I said, yo, you're not paying attention to the ear. | ||
| No, this is in the street. | ||
| This is right. | ||
| I was like, keep on talking shit. | ||
| I said, keep on. | ||
| I said, man, look at his ear. | ||
| Fuck his ear. | ||
| I'm like, all right. | ||
|
unidentified
|
All right. | |
| Just know that is an ear of combat, sir. | ||
| I just want you to know that. | ||
| He looked regular. | ||
| Go ahead. | ||
| The little white boy is going to fuck you up out here. | ||
| Now your ass getting ankle submitted. | ||
| Look at this shit. | ||
| Now you out here getting ankle submitted. | ||
| Now I gotta talk to the white boy. | ||
| Hey, Trevor, is it? | ||
| Can you let my friend go? | ||
| Because it's like, it's all on his shirt. | ||
| You've won, sir. | ||
| No, no. | ||
| He's fucking with me. | ||
| I'm like, yeah, I know. | ||
| I told him. | ||
| The ear. | ||
| You wrestle. | ||
| You wrestle, right? | ||
| He's like, yeah. | ||
| How you know? | ||
| Because look at your fucking ear. | ||
| This shit is all cauliflower. | ||
| It's all fucked up. | ||
| You know, some dudes do that to their ear on purpose just so people think they're a badass. | ||
| Like white belts, they'll take their ear and crush it and do a bunch of shit. | ||
| It's just, you know what it is? | ||
| It's calcification. | ||
| It's blood. | ||
| You get blood in your ear from squishing it. | ||
| So sometimes people do that. | ||
| They'll fuck their own ears up on purpose just to get cauliflower ear. | ||
| It's weird when somebody don't even know what that means. | ||
| You done fucked your ear up and I'm like... | ||
| What the fuck is wrong with his ear? | ||
| I'm just punching him in this shit. | ||
| But when you know, it's a good way to tell. | ||
| It's a good chance that I don't think you're going to win this, Mike. | ||
| It's a good chance that this person is going to win. | ||
| Ears and necks. | ||
| Look at necks. | ||
| If you see a dude with a skinny neck, you're like, you can't do shit with that little neck. | ||
| That little neck is barely holding your head up. | ||
| You can have big muscles, but you have a skinny neck. | ||
| People are going to go, what is going on with that neck? | ||
| How is that thing even holding your head up? | ||
| I obsess on dudes' necks. | ||
| Ever see a bulky dude with a skinny neck? | ||
| I'm like, what are you doing? | ||
| Your spine is barely working. | ||
| Like, you're barely supporting your body. | ||
| That is funny. | ||
| And it's almost very intimidating if you was getting into it and dude was like, hey man, I'm gonna let you make it because your neck is way too small. | ||
| What is going on with your neck? | ||
| Like, yo, what is wrong with your neck? | ||
| All you're doing is lifting weights. | ||
| I see what you're doing. | ||
| You're lifting the wrong kinds of weights, too, like bench press and curls. | ||
| It's a lot of dudes in prison like that. | ||
| Oh, just trying to look jacked. | ||
| Yeah, with the Brown Hornet. | ||
| They got the Brown Hornet with a little bitty ass waist. | ||
| They waltz out, but then they don't have no legs. | ||
| Oh, that's not good. | ||
| Then they legs, little as hell. | ||
| You're like, yo, you have no legs. | ||
| A lot of those guys that do those playground workouts, they get super jacked, like bar stars. | ||
| A lot of those guys get super jacked upper body, but they're not lifting anything with their legs. | ||
| Because everything is like chin-ups and leg extensions and all this stuff. | ||
| You're doing ab work and all this different shit, but you're not doing anything. | ||
| You need to lift heavy things to get your legs stronger. | ||
| It's the only way. | ||
| You don't have anything around you to lift. | ||
| This is not going to work out. | ||
| Sir, you look amazing. | ||
| You look amazing, sir. | ||
| You're wearing sweatpants for a reason. | ||
| But these infant, childlike legs that you have. | ||
| Like, you have a 10-year-old's leg, sir. | ||
| Like, I look at my son, and I have body envy of my son. | ||
| He's 10, and he's fucking... | ||
| Because he boxes now, and he swims, so he has, like, an eight-pack. | ||
| And when he comes out, I don't know why he can fucking keep wearing... | ||
| I haven't had some underwear this little since Bikini Draws was out. | ||
| And... | ||
| My son wears like the little boxer briefs and I think this shit getting too small for him because he comes out and he looks like he's going into one of them bodybuilding contests like he's about to flex. | ||
| I'm like, yo, man. | ||
| And I looked at him the other day. | ||
| He was walking by. | ||
| I'm like, yo, this son look good, man. | ||
| This is fucking back. | ||
| I'm looking at him like, god damn, I want this body right now. | ||
| I want this fucking small man's body right now because his shit is right. | ||
| He's like, it's eight packs. | ||
| I'm like, yo, I don't even, I asked my mother, I'm like, do I have any pictures of me looking like Hasan looks right now? | ||
| She's like, no, you's a fat kid. | ||
| Like, oh, it explains me being an oversized adult then. | ||
| Yeah, because I'm chubby. | ||
| I shouldn't be this big. | ||
| When you see your son learning how to box and he's 10, that's gonna be a real problem. | ||
| If you and him get in an argument when he's like 17, and he's jacked. | ||
| See, it's about technique, you know? | ||
| Oh. | ||
| About technique. | ||
| He can learn all what he chooses to, but when it comes to me, it's going to be a whole different ballgame. | ||
| That's what I would say, too, if I had a son, until he fucked me up. | ||
| Yeah, because my son is left-handed. | ||
| I'm ambidextrous, so it's like... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| And I keep explaining to him, like my oldest son, he boxes. | ||
| He's 27. But I keep telling him, y'all have regular male strength. | ||
| We have regular male strength. | ||
| I have what they call father strength, which is two different things. | ||
| It's like having a grandmother who can reach into an oven and grab out a hot pan. | ||
| She don't need no mitten or nothing. | ||
| She's not rushing to put it down. | ||
| Her hands are different than tender-handed women these days that need mitts and all type of gloves on. | ||
| Yeah, I'm not going to play fair. | ||
| I'm not going to play fair with my kids. | ||
| And then I used to box, so it's in the legs. | ||
| You think it's in the hands, it's in the legs. | ||
| My footwork is still pretty good. | ||
| And then I'm going to bite him in his face. | ||
| There's not a lot of rules to this. | ||
| I remember people saying that, like, old man strength. | ||
| People believe that. | ||
| You don't believe that? | ||
| No. | ||
| You're older man at this point. | ||
| Just think about it. | ||
| No. | ||
| No, it's not real. | ||
| It's still not real? | ||
| No. | ||
| No, strength is strength. | ||
| I've rolled with 18-year-old kids that were gorilla strong. | ||
| And I've rolled with dudes who thought they had old man strength. | ||
| They didn't. | ||
| You're just an old man. | ||
| Like, people want to have an advantage because of their situation. | ||
| Like, as they get older, they want to go, oh, but I'm wiser. | ||
| I understand. | ||
| Like, you think it makes up for the fact... | ||
| That you're slower and your reaction times shittier. | ||
| Then you remember what fucking Larry Holmes did to... | ||
| Oh, but that was sad. | ||
| That was sad. | ||
| And then you remember how Mike Tyson came back and fucking destroyed Holmes. | ||
| Larry Holmes. | ||
| Larry Holmes wasn't even that old, you know, when he fought Mike Tyson. | ||
| I think he was like 37, 36, 37. I don't think he was that old. | ||
| See, he was a sparring partner for Muhammad Ali for like 10 years. | ||
| So he wanted to... | ||
| He beat the shit out of Muhammad Ali for all the years. | ||
| He whooped his ass. | ||
| But Mike Tyson, once Muhammad Ali came in and said, get him for me. | ||
| It was like, okay. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well, that was when Mike Tyson was just at the top of his fucking game. | |
| Like, it was just a matter of time with everybody that was in there for him. | ||
| It was just seek and destroy. | ||
| Seek and destroy. | ||
| It was a matter of time until he got a hold of you. | ||
| And I hated the Buster Douglas win because he literally beat Buster Douglas. | ||
| He had him down. | ||
| He had him down and it went to a 10 count. | ||
| If the referee had counted 10 seconds, he would have won that fight. | ||
| But the thing is, if the referee had counted faster, would Buster have gotten up earlier? | ||
| I think he would have. | ||
| Because a smart man like him, Buster had a long career, right? | ||
| So he was a real veteran. | ||
| He knew, stay down as long as you can. | ||
| You got dropped. | ||
| If you get up at 8, just get up at 8. And so by the time they got to 8, in reality it was probably like 9 or 10. And then by the time they got to 9, He was up, but then Don King started complaining, and they showed a clock. | ||
| Like, let's see a 10-second clock. | ||
| The thing is, it should be a fucking clock. | ||
| It shouldn't be up to the referee, because I've seen that before in fights, where a referee would go, one! | ||
| Get back in the neutral corner! | ||
| Yes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Two! | |
| That's not two seconds. | ||
| That's like three seconds. | ||
| Didn't I say stay in the corner? | ||
| I'm in the goddamn corner! | ||
| Four! | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It shouldn't be at the referee's discretion to count slowly. | ||
| But sometimes they do. | ||
| And sometimes they count quick, too. | ||
| Sometimes they don't like you, they count quick. | ||
| And I hated that. | ||
| Yeah, both those things are not good. | ||
| I hate it. | ||
| Because boxing is such... | ||
| Like, I have a passion for it, and I love watching actual fights, and I like watching technical fights. | ||
| I'm not a cockfighter when it comes to boxing. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It's called a sweet science for a reason. | ||
| It's angles, and it's slips, and it's... | ||
| Like, you love to watch somebody slip something and be like, ah! | ||
| I'm like, see that body shot? | ||
| He's not going... | ||
| I guarantee he got two steps and he's going to decide that he needs to take a break. | ||
| Okay, I'm going to go down for a couple... | ||
| Like, Delahoye. | ||
| Delahoye wanted to come out of that corner. | ||
| That fucking body shot was too... | ||
| Devastating. | ||
| Well, Bernard, you're talking about Bernard Hopkins? | ||
| Yeah, when he hit him with that left hook, Bernard was so much bigger than him. | ||
| He had no business fighting Bernard. | ||
| That was a fight also where Bernard is the best ever at extending his career. | ||
| Deep into his late 40s and into 50 was still beating world-class guys, which is crazy. | ||
| And didn't look like he was on steroids either. | ||
| Like, it looked like he just got there with skill and hard work and discipline and clean living. | ||
| Like, there's some guys that make it into their later years and they look a little too good. | ||
| You're like, what is going on there? | ||
| Something's going on there. | ||
| But not with Bernard. | ||
| Bernard just looked the same. | ||
| Always. | ||
| Looked the same. | ||
| Discipline. | ||
| Foreman. | ||
| Foreman looked like... | ||
| The fuck is you doing? | ||
| I remember when he was 36, when he first started coming back, and he was more than 300 pounds, and it was a joke. | ||
| Everybody thought it was a joke. | ||
| Until he fucked up Jerry Cooney. | ||
| And then everybody was like, what? | ||
| Like, holy shit. | ||
| Like, it wasn't just beat him, just smashed him. | ||
| And then everybody's like, oh my god, he might do it. | ||
| And then when he knocked out Michael Moore and became the oldest ever heavyweight champion, people were like, how did this guy, who was 300 plus pounds at 36, hadn't fought for 10 years, everybody was laughing, and now he's one of the most terrifying guys in the world. | ||
| He had a decent-sized neck. | ||
| Giant neck. | ||
| He had a giant neck. | ||
| Fists. | ||
| He's a big... | ||
| Foreman is a big dude. | ||
| Even his children are... | ||
| I was speaking at this engagement and his son was there. | ||
| And we did a side-by-side because Ali... | ||
| Because his name is George, too. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Because, you know, all of them named George or Georgina. | |
| And he was a huge... | ||
| Young man. | ||
| I'm like, yo, that is definitely your father. | ||
| His hands, George's hands were enormous. | ||
| You ever watch the fight where he knocked out Frazier? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| He lifted him up with a punch. | ||
| With a punch. | ||
| He came back down and he literally was in the same position as, what's his name? | ||
| What's his name that was doing the kneeling from Frisco? | ||
| What's his name, the quarterback? | ||
| Oh, Kaepernick? | ||
| Kaepernick. | ||
| He was definitely in the Kaepernick position. | ||
| The Kaepernick position? | ||
| I was like, yo, did he just fucking knock my man? | ||
| Because I love Frazier. | ||
| I was like, yo, why is Frazier in the goddamn air? | ||
| And now he's thinking like, oh, no, this is not going to. | ||
| And Ali was looking like, he was looking at TV like, I love that fights came on regular TV back then. | ||
| He was looking at like, yo, somebody get Anybody from Frazier camp on the phone. | ||
| I'm gonna get Frazier. | ||
| Fuck Frazier. | ||
| I don't even fight him no more. | ||
| Get George people on the phone. | ||
| I'm gonna whoop George. | ||
| How would you come up with a plan like that and say, I'm gonna take this abuse? | ||
| Not only that, people thought that he had no chance. | ||
| No, like absolutely no chance. | ||
| They thought he had such a small chance of winning that Hunter S. Thompson, they flew him to Zaire for the fight and he never left his hotel room. | ||
| He stayed in his hotel and he swam in the pool. | ||
| Like, he missed the assignment. | ||
| They flew him out there for Rolling Stone, and he didn't want to see it. | ||
| He literally didn't want to see it. | ||
| He missed. | ||
| It's like one of the greatest failures of his career. | ||
| Hunter S. Thompson missed watching Ali's greatest victory because he didn't think he had a chance. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| Can you imagine that? | ||
| If somebody coming, you in the pool backstroking. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Ali just won. | ||
| You're like, are you fucking kidding me? | ||
| And there was no internet back then. | ||
| He couldn't watch it. | ||
| Couldn't watch it. | ||
| So he fucked off his whole assignment. | ||
| He was supposed to be there to explain, to cover it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I think it was for Rolling Stone. | |
| Greatest fight you think you've ever seen. | ||
| I've seen too many fights. | ||
| I've professionally called probably 2,000 fights. | ||
| I don't even know how many fights for working for the UFC. And then on top of all the boxing matches that I've watched, I don't know. | ||
| I've seen too many. | ||
| There's so many of them that are amazing. | ||
| Anderson Silva. | ||
| I think that's what gravitated me towards even watching MMA online. | ||
| He had a moment in history. | ||
| There was like three or four years where he was just in the matrix. | ||
| He was untouchable. | ||
| He had a moment where his highs were so high... | ||
| To this day, I mean, without a doubt, one of the most impressive fighters I've ever seen in my life in his... | ||
| But every fighter, they have this moment, you know, when they reach their peak. | ||
| And with Anderson, when he was in his championship form... | ||
| I mean, there was a time where he fought Forrest Griffith, where he, walking backwards, knocked him out with a punch. | ||
| And then he fought Stefan Bonner and literally put his back to the cage. | ||
| And was like, come on, just come... | ||
| He threw a kick and Anderson just got out of the way. | ||
| He was standing right in front of him that eventually stopped him. | ||
| He was stopping everybody. | ||
| It was just a matter of time. | ||
| It was a matter of him finding out your rhythm. | ||
| In the beginning of the fight, he would just move around, move around, move around, just feel you, feel how you move, and then somewhere in the middle of the first round, he would start moving on you. | ||
| A minute or two, bang! | ||
| And just testing you, how do you react to this? | ||
| And then next thing you know, you're getting fucked up. | ||
| And you don't even know where these shots are coming from. | ||
| And he's insanely accurate. | ||
| I was a fan of his before he got to the UFC, too. | ||
| So I got to call his UFC debut. | ||
| I remember it was one of those fights where people didn't really know who he was. | ||
| And I had to go, you are in for a fucking treat. | ||
| Because this guy's on another planet. | ||
| Like, just watch. | ||
| This is a different kind of striker. | ||
| This dude is... | ||
| I mean, he was in his prime when he came to the UFC. It was a perfect transition. | ||
| Because he had had some really good fights in Japan and good fights in England. | ||
| But in England, he sort of came into his own. | ||
| And then the UFC caught him right when he had reached his peak. | ||
| It was perfect. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And it was fucking insane to even watch him. | ||
| And what was this guy? | ||
| He was one of the first guys I watched. | ||
| Chris Lieben was probably the first one. | ||
| Chris Lieben was a brawler. | ||
| And he was perfect for Anderson because he just came fucking guns blazing, charging at Anderson. | ||
| And Anderson just picked his spots. | ||
| Just moved, moved, moved, picked his spots. | ||
| Blank, blank, blank, blank, blank. | ||
| And then cracked him. | ||
| It was amazing. | ||
| And then Rich Franklin, who was the champion, he destroyed him twice. | ||
| He was on another planet back then, man. | ||
| What was the white guy that had the mohawk? | ||
| Chuck Liddell. | ||
| Chuck Liddell. | ||
| Chuck Liddell was way bigger than I thought. | ||
| When I saw him in Vegas, he was just fucking knotted up. | ||
| And he was with this little chick. | ||
| It looked like she had to work out because she was with him. | ||
| I'm like, yo, both of them fucking, because he was like, yo, this, I said, this is a kind of thick white guy right here. | ||
| He's fucking knotted the fuck up. | ||
| Like, it's always amazing when I see people who I think that's not supposed to be that big. | ||
| Like, I didn't think he was going to be that big. | ||
| Andre Johnson, the receiver, I didn't think he was that big because I saw other offensive players before running backs. | ||
| I'm like, yo, look at this small ass, man. | ||
| He's like, yo, I'm a running back for the Dallas Cowboys. | ||
| Like, you? | ||
| I was like, Some running backs are like 165 pounds. | ||
| They look... | ||
| But they look huge on... | ||
| I'm like, oh, this dude's small as hell. | ||
| But when I saw Andre Johnson, I was like, yo, you... | ||
| It's no way to fuck... | ||
| You like a fucking defensive end. | ||
| You like Warren Sapp right now, like... | ||
| And Sap is a fucking huge ass dude. | ||
| Bobby Taylor wasn't a big receiver for the Eagles. | ||
| He wasn't a big... | ||
| Like, you what? | ||
| You're 6'4", 6'5", but you're not a big dude. | ||
| Like, the dude who's trying to tackle you to safety, he's way bigger than you. | ||
| He's trying to destroy you. | ||
| And then I saw a guy who was doing Pilates, which seems like the weakest workout in the world, but it's not. | ||
| It's hard. | ||
| Pilates is hard. | ||
| I'm glad you said it. | ||
| People will say, I say Pilates, you like fucking doing the ladies shit. | ||
| Like, yo, go to Pilates, And you have a good Pilates instructor, I guarantee you have a different respect for Pilates. | ||
| Pilates is fucking hard to say, depending on how much shit they clamp on. | ||
| You know, Sergey Kovalev, the former light heavyweight champion? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| That was one of the things he did, was Pilates. | ||
| He was really into Pilates when he was a crusher, when he was destroying everybody. | ||
| Before Andre Ward got to him, he was lighting everybody on fire. | ||
| And that was one of his big workouts. | ||
| He was really into the range of motion that you got from Pilates. | ||
| Kovalev before he fell apart was a scary fucking dude. | ||
| Scary dude. | ||
| Killed a guy in a fight in Russia. | ||
| I believe it was Russia. | ||
| Killed a guy in a professional fight. | ||
| Didn't affect him at all. | ||
| Like a lot of times when someone kills someone in a fight, they're really never the same again. | ||
| I like the way you translated it. | ||
| Killed a guy. | ||
| Didn't affect him at all. | ||
| Didn't. | ||
| Didn't. | ||
| He was still fucking people up. | ||
| Eating pudding the next day. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He didn't give a shit with his children. | ||
| He seemed like a dude who was just mean. | ||
| Just enjoyed fucking people up. | ||
| Just enjoyed it. | ||
| And, you know, in his prime, he was a scary motherfucker. | ||
| Like, scary. | ||
| But apparently drank a lot, partied, just, you know, towards the end of his career. | ||
| I mean, he's still fighting, but towards the end of his career, like, long before Canelo got to him, you know, he just was... | ||
| Too much partying, apparently. | ||
| Too much drinking. | ||
| But he did a lot of Pilates. | ||
| Canelo, man. | ||
| He was a good fighter. | ||
| He was a really good fighter. | ||
| Canelo is, what is he, 28 or something like that? | ||
| He's so fucking young and still won multiple different world titles. | ||
| And right now, might be the best fucking guy in boxing. | ||
| I mean, there's like a few guys. | ||
| There's like four or five guys. | ||
| Terrence Crawford, for my money, I think he's number one. | ||
| Terrence Crawford. | ||
| I think he's number one. | ||
| Goddamn right. | ||
| And then, you know, you gotta look at Teofimo Lopez after he beat Lomachenko, because everybody thought Lomachenko was pound for pound number one, and Lopez beat him. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| You know, there's a few other guys in that range, you know? | ||
| Regis Provis is coming up. | ||
| He just won a little fight. | ||
| But Croc... | ||
| Crawford, man. | ||
| He's so good. | ||
| And he's one of the best switch hitters. | ||
| He can switch southpaw on you. | ||
| He'll start off orthodox, switch to southpaw, start off southpaw, switch to orthodox, and fight just as good from both sides. | ||
| The skill of it is just very, very, very skilled. | ||
| Very, very skilled fighter. | ||
| And I think that that's... | ||
| I think so many people on cockfights that they get around the skill of When you see somebody really doing it, like if you're watching Anderson Silva and you're watching what he's doing versus somebody coming in, I'm just finna just maw, we going to the ground with it. | ||
| It's a different thing, but it's very... | ||
| Jiu-Jitsu is, you know, you submit somebody, you get somebody... | ||
| It's somebody really good on the ground, though. | ||
| It's a lot of people that's really good on the ground. | ||
| Yeah, it's a different kind of technical. | ||
| It's a different thing. | ||
| But I appreciate both. | ||
| I appreciate technical striking, and I appreciate technical ground guys. | ||
| The thing that gets me about Crawford is he's both. | ||
| He's technical, but he also fucks people up. | ||
| Like the Kell Brook fight. | ||
| He just figured him out, just tried to find it, and then dropped him with a fucking jab. | ||
| A right jab. | ||
| Pop! | ||
| And then once he had him hurt, it's like, you're done. | ||
| He's got crazy killer instinct. | ||
| How did you feel when you watched Floyd? | ||
| I loved Floyd. | ||
| I still think he's the best ever because nobody's been hit less. | ||
| You go over his career, the guy's been hit hard maybe four times over 50 fights. | ||
| Really in trouble maybe four times and then survived every one of them. | ||
| I was already fond of you, but this is how things transition. | ||
| A lot of people say, ah, Floyd, but you're not supposed to get... | ||
| I don't know any boxing coach that say, look, when you throw this jab, make sure you take the jab that he's going to throw. | ||
| It's just not... | ||
| Why do you think this fucking slips? | ||
| You're not trying to get hit. | ||
| I think what Floyd does... | ||
| To dismantle someone is the damn training. | ||
| The training of it, he's fighting. | ||
| I'm doing 15 rounds. | ||
| I'm training. | ||
| I'm doing 15 rounds. | ||
| I'm fighting multiple different people in these 15 rounds, different weight classes, and I'm not sitting down. | ||
| Everybody else can take a break but me. | ||
| And then I'm finna go run after this shit. | ||
| And the crazy thing is he's going to do that today. | ||
| With no fight planned, no shit on the calendar, he's going to do that today. | ||
| He doesn't get out of shape. | ||
| Ever. | ||
| The crazy thing is he trains the same time every day that he would be fighting So, you didn't needed rest and all this other shit. | ||
| It's like, yo, this is his natural time. | ||
| Like, yo, I'm coming at my natural time that I would already be in the gym. | ||
| 9.30, 10pm, he's in the gym. | ||
| You ever see videos of Floyd leaving a club at 2 in the morning and running home? | ||
| So he has a security drive his Rolls Royce and he's running and his jeans on. | ||
| Running. | ||
| Just getting in miles. | ||
| Like, he never gets out of shape. | ||
| Never. | ||
| Never gets out of shape. | ||
| And he'll, like, people think it's funny. | ||
| He'll, like, drink a Coke or Coca-Cola after he works out. | ||
| Like, what is he? | ||
| He's eating garbage? | ||
| Drinking Coca-Cola? | ||
| Well, actually, he's fucking smart. | ||
| Because when you've had a brutal workout like he has, he works out for hours, simple sugars actually bring glycogen back into the muscles. | ||
| It's actually good for you to do that. | ||
| People think it's crazy, but if you work out long, hard sessions, you could use some sugar. | ||
| It's actually good for you. | ||
| He knows what the fuck he's doing. | ||
| And all he's got to do is maintain them little brittle-ass hands. | ||
| Well, that's when he became more of a defensive guy, right? | ||
| Because he broke his hand so many times. | ||
| You go back to the pretty boy Floyd days, he would just fuck people up. | ||
| But he just kept breaking his hands. | ||
| He hurt his hands multiple times. | ||
| But, you know, look, you look at the guy's skill. | ||
| He figures everybody out. | ||
| Even if he has, like, a little trouble in the beginning, like Sugar Shane caught him, but then a little bit later, he's fucking Shane up, and Shane can't do shit to him because he figured out his timing, he figured out where he's safe and where he's not safe, and then he starts imposing his will on him. | ||
| And he did that to everybody. | ||
| Floyd gets literally right here, like... | ||
| I can let you get this and you're not going to hit me. | ||
| Where'd he go? | ||
| It's devastating to watch somebody I've made so much money off of people who just wanted to see Floyd lose. | ||
| That's what he does. | ||
| He gets you so mad. | ||
| He gets you so mad that you're not paying to see him win. | ||
| You're paying to see someone fuck him up. | ||
| He's like the Cowboys. | ||
| This is why the Cowboys are the most watched team. | ||
| I'm hoping that they lose. | ||
| And I'm watching for them to lose. | ||
| There's people that's watching for them to win. | ||
| But I'm sitting there... | ||
| I wouldn't give a damn if they was playing a high school team. | ||
| I just don't want the fucking Cowboys to win. | ||
| I fucking hate the Cowboys. | ||
| I've always hated the Cowboys. | ||
| I can't remember one time in my life that I ever said, I like the Cowboys. | ||
| I fucking hate the Cowboys. | ||
| I would literally go with anyone other than the Cowboys. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| I just hate them. | ||
| I've always hated them. | ||
| That's how people feel about Floyd, but they buy all his pay-per-views. | ||
| Hoping. | ||
| Hoping. | ||
| It's going to be Manny Pacquiao. | ||
| He's going to be the one. | ||
| Ricky Hatton's going to be the one. | ||
| Ricky Hatton. | ||
| The most money I think I ever made was Ricky Hatton. | ||
| Ricky Hatton was the one. | ||
| People thought he was the one. | ||
| And I kept thinking, what are y'all watching? | ||
| Did y'all think fucking Ricky Hatton is the one? | ||
| They just didn't understand boxing. | ||
| No, no. | ||
| Did you see Ricky Hatton's training session? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's fine. | ||
| I did. | ||
| Well, he's a great fighter. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No doubt about it. | |
| But the difference is Floyd's movement and his skill and his ability to shoulder roll, he was levels above everybody and learned it from the time he was a baby. | ||
| You know, with his Uncle Roger and his dad, his dad who fought Sugar Ray Leonard back when Sugar Ray was in his prime and gave him a good fight. | ||
| There was so much boxing knowledge in his house. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| His daddy could have beat Sugar Ray if his daddy would have let his brother train. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Is that crazy? | |
| Like, yo, let me train you. | ||
| I know Sugar. | ||
| Let me train you. | ||
| But the funniest thing is you can't understand shit Roger got to say sometimes. | ||
| One thing that Roger said that people always use is a quote. | ||
| Most people don't know shit about boxing. | ||
| That's so true! | ||
| Because most people, it looks so simple. | ||
| Right hand, left hand, hook, uppercut. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| But no, there's so much going on. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| It's like two people getting in an argument. | ||
| They both speak English, but one dude is just way better at talking. | ||
| And you go, I know how to talk. | ||
| I'm going to fuck this dude up. | ||
| But no, you don't. | ||
| No, you don't. | ||
| You think you know how to talk. | ||
| But you don't know how to talk like a goddamn professional comedian. | ||
| You ever talk to Roland Martin? | ||
| No. | ||
| Roland Martin is the worst person in the world to talk to if you don't know shit. | ||
| Even if you know some shit, Roland is... | ||
| Okay, so I'm quite sure you heard about Ice Cube with the black people's agenda. | ||
| With Trump, when he was talking to Trump. | ||
| So it's an interview where Roland Martin I interviewed Ice Cube. | ||
| And he was trying to ask Ice Cube. | ||
| So, like, what happened? | ||
| You know, how did you get it? | ||
| And Ice Cube was trying to explain to him. | ||
| People wanted to talk to me. | ||
| And so, you know, we wanted to talk to everybody. | ||
| So we talked to Trump people. | ||
| And he said he was going to take someone without my agenda and put it to his agenda. | ||
| And Rodan was like, okay, so he asked Ice Cube, what in your agenda... | ||
| It's mirrored in the Trump agenda. | ||
| Trump agenda is one page, and then your agenda is 10 pages, and then the Biden agenda is 200 pages. | ||
| So this right there lets you know that he's read all the agendas, Q. Just know, the man has told you how many goddamn pages this shit is, each one. | ||
| And Q was like, well, you have to read it. | ||
| And Roland was like, I have read it. | ||
| And that's why I said, what mirrors? | ||
| And I didn't think Ice Cube know what mirror meant. | ||
| Like, I think that was the part that was getting him like, what do you mean with mirror? | ||
| He said, so he's asking, he said, well, on this agenda, and I see Roland, like, on this agenda, it is this many steps. | ||
| Which one of these steps came from your agenda? | ||
| And they placed over here. | ||
| Ice Cube is so frustrated with these questions. | ||
| There's a lot of questioning and asking him, well, don't ask Roland what he did. | ||
| Don't do that. | ||
| So Ice Cube had to break down and say, man, I'm an artist! | ||
| So your whole defense is now that you're an artist. | ||
| And this is what Roland is trying to explain to him. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| You're a fucking artist. | ||
| I am a political person and this is what you don't understand. | ||
| Before you try to give somebody the goddamn agenda for what black people do, you might want to get with all the other people who've been working on things of this nature. | ||
| This is what I'm trying to explain to you. | ||
| I was sitting there like, he dismantled Cube to the point that Cube just had to yell out that he's an artist. | ||
| I'm a goddamn rapper! | ||
| Don't ask me no fucking more technical questions. | ||
| Why do you think people that are rappers or people that are artists or comics or singers or whatever, actors, why do you think they want to inject themselves into political discussions when they really don't know what the fuck they're talking about and go on all these talk shows, go on CNN? Like, why do you think they do that? | ||
| I think that they have been emboldened and empowered by people who listen to their music or their form of entertainment and I can listen to you And like what you do and still can tell you, I don't think that's complete. | ||
| I don't think that's the whole complete thought. | ||
| But some of these people are enabled by even if they have an incomplete thought, people, did you hear what? | ||
| I watched this thing with Killer Mike. | ||
| I've watched T.I. and Meek Mills and people talk about shit and I'm sitting there like, no, I don't think any of that's complete. | ||
| Killer Mike had this thing where he was supposed to live black all day. | ||
| People was praising this thing and so I went to go watch it. | ||
| And the most disheartening thing about it Was, for me, he has a white rap partner. | ||
| And he met up with him in this other city where he was supposed to do everything that was to the black. | ||
| So they in an interview. | ||
| It's like me. | ||
| You interviewing me right now. | ||
| And I... I lean over to my white business partner. | ||
| Hey, tell Joe I can't talk to white people right now because everything I'm supposed to be doing is strictly black. | ||
| And the white guy says, well, he would love to answer those questions, but he's living black completely, so he can't do it. | ||
| And I'm confused. | ||
| This whole, the whole shit is stormed. | ||
| This is the part that's stormed. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Where was the song? | |
| What was the song? | ||
| It's on Netflix. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| And Killer Mike, I'm like, you're talking to a white guy at his establishment doing an interview. | ||
| You're telling another white guy to tell this white guy that you can't talk to him. | ||
| This shit is stupid. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I'm sitting there like, this is fucking stupid now. | ||
| Like, now I'm pissed that I even wasted my time watching Killer Mike trying to live black. | ||
| I get the overall gist of it, but this is the part right here that I don't fucking get right now. | ||
| This shit that's going on right now. | ||
| You telling a white guy to tell another white guy that you can't talk to him because he's fucking white. | ||
| I'm done. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| I've wasted my time. | ||
| And... | ||
| I like Killer Mike. | ||
| Then I went to go do NPR radio in Atlanta. | ||
| I run into Killer Mike. | ||
| And he's going to do the interview. | ||
| I'm going to do the interview. | ||
| And I don't have time to tell him, yo, I want to talk to you about this shit you did on Netflix. | ||
| Everything else was good. | ||
| Then you got to this goddamn retarded ass part. | ||
| And now I'm confused. | ||
| Like, now I'm confused. | ||
| Like, now you've taken all what you did, now you've made the shit stupid. | ||
| Because now, just don't go do the interview. | ||
| Like, for you to tell another white guy to tell this white guy, I can't talk to him because he's white. | ||
| And you can see the white guy's face looking like, but you're... | ||
| But they knew they were going to talk to that guy in advance. | ||
| Since y'all filming. | ||
| Since y'all are filming. | ||
| This is how the white guy that was doing the interview was looking like, since everyone's filming, I'm just going to play along and sit here. | ||
| That's probably a Netflix producer's idea. | ||
| That doesn't seem like it makes a lot of sense. | ||
| Killer Mike is smart as fuck. | ||
| He's smart. | ||
| I don't understand how he fell into that. | ||
| I think that even with a lot of people, I think Harry Belafonte and all the black renaissance of the civil rights movement where you had Kareem and you had Jim Brown and you had Brother Green and all these people who were actors and athletes, Muhammad Ali, standing up for things. | ||
| Every artist thinks that they're going to be put in that position. | ||
| Well, I'm going to be the spokesperson for the issues. | ||
| But you haven't read, you didn't read your last actual contract. | ||
| Somebody else read it for you and told you what to sign and told you the logistics of it. | ||
| Sometimes if you're not connected to a community, why would you speak on that community? | ||
| And then you have people like myself who look at it like this. | ||
| You moved. | ||
| So you don't have the right because you moved. | ||
| You haven't been in this position in a long time and nor do you help this position. | ||
| It's like when people got mad at Bill Cosby about, when the black community got mad at him about saying, well, you need to read more and X, Y, and Z. Well, he had the fucking right to say that because he had donated more money to historically black colleges and put more black kids in college and had a show that made black kids go to college with a different world. | ||
| In order to say those things. | ||
| Because he was like, not only am I saying it, I'm helping the position of saying it. | ||
| But when you... | ||
| I don't need no goddamn backpacks or toy drives and shit like that just in December or November and shit like that. | ||
| Because people suffering and struggling year-round. | ||
| I'm not just struggling in November or December. | ||
| What about... | ||
| That people just need. | ||
| Putting things in the community that people need. | ||
| Like I was definitely against teachers walking out for more pay. | ||
| That shit was enraged. | ||
| And my kids are homeschooled. | ||
| So I was enraged by teachers walking out for more pay. | ||
| But you won't walk out for a better curriculum for children. | ||
| When American children as a whole... | ||
| We the fucking dumbest people in the fucking world at this point when it comes to our kids... | ||
| You 28th in math. | ||
| You 29th in science. | ||
| You 36th in reading. | ||
| You read on a fucking third grade level and you graduating from high school. | ||
| But, well, the curriculum is bad. | ||
| But you won't walk out for a curriculum. | ||
| You'll walk out for more money. | ||
| You don't give a shit about these kids learning or these people learning in this country. | ||
| You can't be the most powerful country if you're not the smartest. | ||
| So then when you have a bunch of people that's not smart, you have people that can be fucking duped into anything because they don't become thinkers. | ||
| They just become doers. | ||
| I don't know who the fuck Q is. | ||
| I've tried to figure it out. | ||
| I don't know what... | ||
| Or QAnon? | ||
| Yeah, QAnon. | ||
| Like, they don't even know who Q is. | ||
| I think they've abandoned that. | ||
| They abandoned it now? | ||
| I think people feel so... | ||
| Do you even pay attention? | ||
| I've watched... | ||
| They feel so duped after Trump left office and after the Capitol Hill riots. | ||
| Everybody's like, what? | ||
| But the whole fact that you... | ||
| When I first read about Q and nobody knew who he was, I was like... | ||
| Well, there's a lot of things you just said that I agree with, and I get what you're saying about teachers and curriculums and pay, but how does a teacher get more pay? | ||
| And I think they deserve more pay. | ||
| I think it's one of the most underappreciated parts of our lives is the people that teach our children, and it's crazy when you find out how little they make. | ||
| To teach children, which is one of the most important things that our society can ever possibly provide as a service, Is education of the young people. | ||
| Give them a chance to look at things in a way where they're going to see problems before they actually do them, where they're going to look at the world through an understanding of history, understand how we got here, why it works wrong, and what you can do to avoid all the pitfalls that all these other people that have fucked up their lives have fallen into. | ||
| Yeah, I agree with you on all those accounts. | ||
| I think they should be paid more, but I think the curriculum should be way better, too. | ||
| And I don't know why we don't put more emphasis into it. | ||
| I don't know what the solution is. | ||
| But that's only one of the problems, right? | ||
| The other problem is people that are growing up in a community that's traditionally been fucked. | ||
| They've been fucked by violence. | ||
| They've been fucked by crime. | ||
| It's around you all the time. | ||
| Drug addiction, drug sales. | ||
| That's the world you live in and people imitate their atmosphere. | ||
| So that's fucked. | ||
| And we don't put any emphasis on that either. | ||
| This is one of the things that drove me crazy about the pandemic. | ||
| The pandemic was terrible, right? | ||
| When they started talking about pumping in all the stimulus money to all these businesses and trillions of dollars... | ||
| Why couldn't they do that to inner cities? | ||
| Why couldn't they do that to Baltimore? | ||
| Why can't they do that to Detroit? | ||
| Why can't they do that to the south side of Chicago? | ||
| Why can't they recognize that you've got an inordinate amount of crime and violence coming from this one particular area? | ||
| And by the way, it's been that way for decades and decades and decades. | ||
| It doesn't fucking change. | ||
| And year after year, politicians talk a lot of shit and nothing gets done. | ||
| That's an epidemic. | ||
| That's a pandemic. | ||
| That's damn sure a pandemic. | ||
| If you fixed it, the whole world would be better. | ||
| I've always said this. | ||
| What's the best... | ||
| You want to make America great? | ||
| What's the best way? | ||
| Less losers. | ||
| Less losers. | ||
| Less people that are fucked from the jump. | ||
| Invest in... | ||
| The most important thing, the most important commodity of a country should be its citizens. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| I should want you healthy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| I should want you smart. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| I should want you fed. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| I should want you at peace. | ||
| And feel like you're a part of something. | ||
| And feel like you're a part of it. | ||
| And that... | ||
| Increases everything in this particular country. | ||
| So the reason why politicians don't do that is because the same people who want to speak for the community don't fucking live in the community. | ||
| They don't live there. | ||
| And then the other thing about all politicians are crooked. | ||
| Now once you put this propaganda out there, all politicians are crooked. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| If me and you are from the exact same neighborhood, The exact same neighborhood. | ||
| So I know your disposition. | ||
| I'm running for something and you know me. | ||
| You actually know me from this neighborhood. | ||
| I'm running for a position in our neighborhood. | ||
| So when you put me in position, I'm from this particular neighborhood. | ||
| So I know what you need. | ||
| And my door is always open because I'm from this neighborhood. | ||
| Now you can come ask me for whatever. | ||
| And I know what you need. | ||
| I know that you need this infrastructure. | ||
| I know that you need these programs. | ||
| But if you put people... | ||
| In position that's not from this community, that don't give a shit about this community. | ||
| I'm just in here for a money grab and a stepping stone to get to something else. | ||
| And not actually come into the community and see what I actually need. | ||
| A lot of police violence is because these cops are not from this neighborhood. | ||
| It's hard. | ||
| It's hard for me to do something to you when I know your parents. | ||
| I know your family. | ||
| I grew up... | ||
| They don't even call me office or nothing. | ||
| I'm Lil Ali, Carol's son. | ||
| Regardless if I got a uniform or not, and I'm cool with that. | ||
| I think policing should always be either like Mayberry... | ||
| Or like Sanford and Son. | ||
| In Sanford and Son, the cop always came. | ||
| It was black cop, white cop. | ||
| They would always come and it was never... | ||
| It wasn't for no violence or nothing. | ||
| They just, hey, Fred, just showing up in the community and teaching his counterpart how this community works. | ||
| So when you have that, I've been in positions where I've been dead to the fucking wrong. | ||
| The cops that show up, they... | ||
| With the school with me, they like, oh shit. | ||
| So, I don't want to take you to jail. | ||
| I don't want to take you to jail, so how are we going to work this out? | ||
| I can't take you to jail. | ||
| Goddammit, my son go to the same barbershop with your son. | ||
| I'm going to see you later, so I can't take you to jail. | ||
| So how are we going to work this out? | ||
| So it's an understanding. | ||
| I've been in that position because the people that's police in my community are from the community. | ||
| It's so many different problems that we have. | ||
| I'm still confused about how we don't want health care for each other. | ||
| How you don't want to be healthy? | ||
| I don't want nobody else to be fucking sick. | ||
| If everybody says, like, this pandemic should have taught us this. | ||
| How do you go to comedy shows? | ||
| How do people do anything if people are fucking sick? | ||
| You trapped in the house. | ||
| So, I don't think that we want enough. | ||
| I think the people that's in the position... | ||
| Don't want the same thing for communities that the communities want. | ||
| And I think that it's not a dialogue either. | ||
| Most people don't know where to go do their community grievances at. | ||
| They don't go to the meetings because life. | ||
| I think the dialogue has to be countrywide. | ||
| I think part of the thing is looking at people in other communities and seeing their problems and go, well, we don't have that problem. | ||
| We have health care. | ||
| That's not my problem. | ||
| I'm not spending money for their fucking healthcare. | ||
| People get crazy. | ||
| They lose perspective. | ||
| We're supposed to be a team. | ||
| The United States is supposed to be a team. | ||
| We should be one giant community that's made of a bunch of separate communities. | ||
| But the problem is when we start looking at things that don't... | ||
| Look, imagine... | ||
| This is what I've said to people that oppose all ideas of any democratic socialist idea. | ||
| This is one of the things I say. | ||
| What about the fire department? | ||
| Imagine if you had to pay for the fire department. | ||
| Imagine if you're like, well, fuck them. | ||
| We pay for our fire department. | ||
| Let that city burn. | ||
| That would be crazy talk, right? | ||
| That would be crazy talk. | ||
| I just imagine somebody's house right next to my house burning down and I'm like, Should've paid for your fire department. | ||
| You should've paid. | ||
| You didn't pay your bill. | ||
| $30, Charles! | ||
| You can't pay $30 a month for the fire department. | ||
| It's kind of the same thing. | ||
| This is how I look at it. | ||
| It's a service that we all chip in and we expect to be provided for us. | ||
| It's the same thing in my mind. | ||
| It's like healthcare. | ||
| It's like if there's one thing that we need to take care of for the entire community, it's like when you get sick, you should be taken care of. | ||
| You shouldn't go bankrupt. | ||
| If one thing that got exposed during this pandemic was, first of all, Hospital beds. | ||
| There's not enough fucking hospital beds. | ||
| Like, that is crazy. | ||
| Like, when something bad happens, like a pandemic, and you get an influx of people, 300-400% more than normal, and everything shuts down, they can't do anything, and no one knows what to do. | ||
| Well, you've got an understaff problem. | ||
| You've got an under-hospitalization problem. | ||
| And then I found out that hospitals are mostly private businesses. | ||
| And I'm like, what? | ||
| I didn't know that. | ||
| I thought hospitals were like, we pay for the hospitals. | ||
| I didn't think about it. | ||
| Because I've had insurance most of my life. | ||
| You know, when you have a problem, you go to the doctor, the insurance pays it. | ||
| But I didn't think, who fucking runs this place? | ||
| Is this run by the state? | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| You're not going to the county hospital. | ||
| The hospitals, healthcare, all of that should be covered as a part of being a member in the community, the same way the fire department's covered. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Because if the fucking people get sick, and then that shit spreads like it did, look what happens. | ||
| The whole country burns down. | ||
| That's kind of what happened. | ||
| That's exactly what happened. | ||
| That's exactly what happened. | ||
| And the idea that you shouldn't contribute to other people's health. | ||
| Well, what are we doing then? | ||
| We're contributing to the cops and the streets and the bridges and all the infrastructure and the electrical and the grid. | ||
| We're contributing to all that, but we don't contribute to healthcare. | ||
| It sounds to me insane. | ||
| It doesn't make any sense. | ||
| Shit, as far as what I've read, we're not contributing to... | ||
| Damn infrastructure because you got all these bridges and shit that haven't been maintenance since they were constructed. | ||
| That's crazy that a bridge hadn't been taken care of since 1805. Is that something, Jamie? | ||
| What's up? | ||
| I heard something recently about the hospital profit thing too. | ||
| I just looked it up. | ||
| It says only about 21% of hospitals are for profit. | ||
| Well, how many of them are private? | ||
| 21%? | ||
| Yeah, 20% are state-owned, and then the rest, which is like 50% are non-profit religious entity hospitals. | ||
| Oh, religious entity hospitals. | ||
| Not all of them are religious, but that's the comma in there. | ||
| Right, so they work off of donors? | ||
| How do they survive? | ||
| I just heard someone explaining that whole myth of people getting money for labeling COVID deaths and that kind of thing. | ||
| Just so you know, this is how this works. | ||
| They broke it all down, the money. | ||
| It was like a long video explaining it's not really for-profit. | ||
| Yeah, that's not entirely what I was talking about. | ||
| What I was talking about more is that they're private companies that own a lot of hospitals. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| They're not run by the government. | ||
| Maybe the government wouldn't do the best job of that, but the idea is that I feel like, and we're getting into the weeds, but what I feel like is it should be a part of being a citizen. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| When people are poor, I've been poor. | ||
| When I was a kid, we were on welfare. | ||
| We ate powdered milk. | ||
| We were on food stamps. | ||
| I know what it's like to be a child and wonder what you're going to do for dinner. | ||
| I remember that. | ||
| I remember that feeling. | ||
| It's like stuck in my head. | ||
| But the idea that we should let people just starve when other people have money because they should figure it out. | ||
| What about kids? | ||
| Like what about children? | ||
| Like what about – and that's the same way I feel about education. | ||
| It's the same way I feel about health care. | ||
| Like if we're contributing, if we're paying taxes, we pay – especially if you live in California, you pay a lot of fucking taxes. | ||
| Where's the money going? | ||
| What are we doing with it? | ||
| Because if you don't have those bases covered, if you don't have health care covered, like why not? | ||
| It's got to be the most important thing because if people are sick and then they can't pay and they go bankrupt, everything gets fucked. | ||
| The whole system gets fucked. | ||
| And then some people don't get the care they deserve and they fucking die. | ||
| They don't get the care they need and they die. | ||
| Well, is it that hard to give them that care? | ||
| It's not. | ||
| This could be a part of our national expenses. | ||
| But everybody's resisting any new national expenses, any new taxes. | ||
| They resist it. | ||
| But think about how much money goes into the fucking military-industrial complex. | ||
| Think about how much money goes to wars that we don't agree with. | ||
| Think about how much money goes to all kinds of fucking weird government programs that are probably useless. | ||
| You can't imagine refunding that into healthcare? | ||
| You don't think that would be better for the whole country? | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| I think a place that throws away more food in a day than more countries produce in a year could be able to afford healthcare. | ||
| We could do a lot better. | ||
| There's another problem. | ||
| The same problem that's going on with California is a problem with the United States in general. | ||
| There's too many of us. | ||
| It's hard. | ||
| You're governing 320 million fucking people, and at least 1% of them are out of their fucking minds. | ||
| And that was what we saw at the Capitol. | ||
| That storming of the Capitol, you know what a lot of that was? | ||
| When people talk about the president inciting people, Here's what he did for sure. | ||
| He told them they need to show a show of strength. | ||
| When you're saying that and you know that there's a lot of unhinged motherfuckers out there, you're giving them the green light. | ||
| There's a certain percentage of people that will just go ham if you tell them it's time to go ham. | ||
| That's inciting violence. | ||
| That's inciting violence. | ||
| I don't think he understands what that even means. | ||
| Do you understand? | ||
| People were climbing a fucking wall. | ||
| And falling. | ||
| And falling. | ||
| Backwards. | ||
| Using... | ||
| First of all... | ||
| Totally unathletic people, too. | ||
| I have one... | ||
| I want a goddamn... | ||
|
unidentified
|
I want a moose's head with some horns. | |
| And I'm like, yo, I am... | ||
| At some point, at some point, I've been in a position and said to my friend, and I was like, man, we fucking look crazy right now. | ||
| We look crazy out here. | ||
| What are we doing? | ||
| The United States? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I remember the Rodney King riots. | ||
| Me and my partner, Big Who, trying to set off the riot in Houston. | ||
| And we got all this... | ||
| We got a monitor... | ||
| We ain't even made the shit right. | ||
| It's like this gas in a bottle... | ||
| And we trying to throw it on this building... | ||
| And I'm lighting it... | ||
| And I'm throwing it... | ||
| And I'm seeing my fire go out... | ||
| Right before it... | ||
|
unidentified
|
In the building... | |
| And I just turned to Big Who. | ||
| I said, hey, man, we fucking look stupid. | ||
| He said, man, let's go home and watch Def Jam. | ||
| At some point, somebody got to tell you, hey, man, we fucking look stupid. | ||
| You know, we took a barrier and made a ladder to go over the Capitol wall. | ||
| We're on... | ||
| Y'all know this is a federal offense, right? | ||
| They needed, like, lease... | ||
| Six ex-cons out there that are like, yo, yo! | ||
| Y'all do know it's a fucking federal... | ||
| You know how many of those dudes are going to go to jail forever? | ||
| There's a lot of those guys that are going to go to jail for a long fucking time. | ||
| You know how crazy you look to go... | ||
| You in the Senate and you just fucking flipping through pages with yourself on. | ||
| We're in here! | ||
| Taking selfies. | ||
| Are you fucking crazy? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm like, yo, I'd have been so masked up. | ||
| I'm like, yo. | ||
| You see the video of the security guard talking to the guys as they walk into the Senate? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, he's like, hey guys, you know, come on. | ||
| What are we doing here? | ||
| And the guy's like, I'm just going to take a picture up here. | ||
| Shirtless. | ||
| By the way, when you find out about the guy, the guy with the antlers on his head or the horns on his head, that guy lived with his mom. | ||
| And he believed in QAnon. | ||
| He believed that there was like pedophiles that were like fucking kids in the basement of the Capitol Hill. | ||
| He believed crazy FBI pedophile shit. | ||
| He believed the nuttiest of things, was constantly ranting about it, unemployed actor, lives with his parents in his 30s. | ||
| These are the people. | ||
| These are the people that you can tell them, time to show them who's the boss. | ||
| And, you know, he's doing it completely selfishly. | ||
| He thinks somehow or another he's going to get the election results overturned. | ||
| That's the part. | ||
| It's almost like he doesn't believe that people don't like him. | ||
| It's crazy because so many people do like him. | ||
| He doesn't believe that a larger number don't like him. | ||
| Despite all the evidence. | ||
| I think that... | ||
| I think... | ||
| Unfortunately... | ||
| Unfortunately, I was asked, do you think those people are smart? | ||
| I said, I'm not saying that they're smart. | ||
| I'm not saying that they're not smart. | ||
| I'm going to say this. | ||
| We live in a place that when people get time on their hands... | ||
| And they're not actually readers and they don't listen to the whole thing. | ||
| You get what happened in 1975. And he's like, what's that? | ||
| Somebody could become a millionaire by selling a pet rock. | ||
| I said, that's what the fuck you got. | ||
| I remember the pet rock. | ||
| That was the dumbest fucking thing of all time. | ||
| People were paying for a rock in a cardboard box. | ||
| Literally, out of nowhere. | ||
| And what brought that to my attention, I remember my dad. | ||
| Like you said, you learn things when you're young and you just don't. | ||
| My dad said, son, we don't live in a smart place. | ||
| I said, why you say that? | ||
| Because somebody in this country made $3 million by selling a rock. | ||
| I said, to who? | ||
| He said, to people that live in this country. | ||
| I said, oh shit! | ||
| A rock? | ||
| You could have told me. | ||
| He pulls it up and like, look. | ||
| This man made... | ||
| I'm like, oh, fuck it. | ||
| Just a rock. | ||
| It's just a rock. | ||
| He's like, yeah. | ||
| You were too young to remember that, right? | ||
| I was only two at the time. | ||
| I think I was eight. | ||
| I remember it. | ||
| I remember not getting it at all. | ||
| I remember looking at it the same way I looked at that kid who told me, forget you ever met me. | ||
| Like, what? | ||
| What? | ||
| You know I already have one of these, right? | ||
| Yeah, you can get them anywhere. | ||
| This is not like a basketball or a bicycle or a fucking frisbee. | ||
| It's hard to get a frisbee. | ||
| You want to make a frisbee? | ||
| Good luck. | ||
| Do you know how to make plastic? | ||
| How do you put it together? | ||
| You know, you got to buy a fucking frisbee. | ||
| But a pet rock? | ||
| Here's your pet rock. | ||
| Where's the box? | ||
| It comes in, Dad. | ||
| This is a fake one. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's a certain percentage of people that are just dumb as fuck. | ||
| You can't do anything about that. | ||
| You can't. | ||
| And they're not going to... | ||
| Right. | ||
| They're not going to listen to... | ||
| Even if... | ||
| I watched something and they were saying, this is going to happen. | ||
| And it didn't happen. | ||
| And the man said, well, I didn't mean it was going to happen this day. | ||
| It's going to happen on this day. | ||
| Well, that didn't happen. | ||
| Well, it's gonna happen on this day. | ||
| Well, that didn't... | ||
| How long... | ||
| Like, how much more? | ||
| It depends on how dumb you are. | ||
| If you're smart, immediately, you're like, get the fuck out of here. | ||
| This guy doesn't know. | ||
| And then when it proves that he doesn't know... | ||
| a certain level people like oh i thought he knew and then a certain level like well maybe maybe the lord's testing us and then another level when he doesn't know again there's a few that are like well i'm not going to lose faith and then you get dumber and dumber and dumber until you get yourself down to like people that would drink the poison kool-aid that's what you get you You get to that lower crust. | ||
| You know what you're talking about when you met George Foreman's kids and how big they were? | ||
| That's just genes, bro. | ||
| That's genes, you know? | ||
| You and I are short. | ||
| Some people are big. | ||
| Some people are dumb as fuck. | ||
| And there's not a lot they can do about that. | ||
| And people want to pretend that's not true, but I've met geniuses. | ||
| You know, I've talked to Elon Musk. | ||
| You talk to him, you're like, uh... | ||
| Oh, you get it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| You are just like another thing. | ||
| You and me are not... | ||
| The evolutionary branch, I'm like down here. | ||
| He's way the fuck up. | ||
| We're different. | ||
| We're a different thing. | ||
| That's with everything, man. | ||
| That's with eyesight. | ||
| That's with, you know, everything. | ||
| Some people are just dumb, man. | ||
| And if you can trick those people, that's like when you watch late night evangelists. | ||
| I'll never forget that dude, Robert Paulson, is that his name? | ||
| The guy with the slick back hair? | ||
| I'll never forget this. | ||
| He goes, every time you write a check to me, Satan gets a black eye. | ||
| I was crying laughing. | ||
| I couldn't believe how funny that was. | ||
| Every time you write a check to me, Satan gets a black eye. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Just thinking about people going, oh, Satan, you are getting a shiner this evening. | |
| There's dumb fucking people out there, man. | ||
| You can't save them. | ||
| You can't do anything. | ||
| And they're out there voting. | ||
| They're out there driving cars. | ||
| They're doing the same shit we do. | ||
| They go to the convenience store. | ||
| They're out there. | ||
| And we're not even smart, right? | ||
| I mean, we're smart compared to dummies, but we're not inventing new solar panels. | ||
| I remember this dude, supporter, I'm like, yo, man, see, I know one thing. | ||
| You don't believe in Trump. | ||
|
unidentified
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You must be one of them, but you believe in aliens. | |
| I'm like, yeah, it's more facts. | ||
| It's a lot more likely. | ||
| Like, you do know that there's other existence out there. | ||
| I don't think all these other planets is just for show. | ||
| Like, we just needed... | ||
| Hey, you know what we need? | ||
| We need something other out there to be hanging around other than Earth. | ||
| I just think it's other things out there. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| Because I believe in the unseen. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And so... | ||
| But I also can listen to something and know, like... | ||
| That's the dumbest argument ever. | ||
| You don't believe in Trump, but you believe in aliens? | ||
| Like, what? | ||
| No, wait a minute. | ||
| I believe Trump's a real thing. | ||
| I believe... | ||
| I've seen him. | ||
| He's a real thing. | ||
|
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I've seen him in person. | |
| He's definitely a real thing. | ||
| I saw him at a UFC fight. | ||
| Came in, sat down. | ||
| I saw him. | ||
| I said, this is why... | ||
| I said, let me tell you the difference. | ||
| I don't believe that he knows what he's doing. | ||
| And then I believe that he knows what he's doing for certain people. | ||
| It's like the tricks of things. | ||
| And it's easy to dupe people that don't listen to the whole thing. | ||
| We're getting... | ||
| I'm going to give historically black colleges 250 million dollars. | ||
|
unidentified
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Okay. | |
| But I'm also going to relinquish Pell Grants. | ||
| Wait a minute. | ||
| Pell Grants. | ||
| Ninety percent of African-American children go to college off of Pell Grants, which is probably about $2.5 billion worth of money that you got rid of, but you gave 250. What? | ||
| What happened again? | ||
| That's not the same. | ||
| Hold on. | ||
| I got a question. | ||
| I have a question. | ||
| So you didn't, and then in the course of giving you this money, it's still some more shit. | ||
| I want you to stop saying anything about slavery. | ||
| Anything about that didn't happen in America. | ||
| I want you to stop teaching that shit. | ||
| Did he ask people to stop teaching that? | ||
| It was going to be a curriculum change. | ||
| What? | ||
| Wait a minute. | ||
| Curriculum change to stop discussing slavery? | ||
| They wanted you to stop painting the picture as if America did something to African-American people. | ||
|
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What? | |
| Really? | ||
| That sounds insane. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How could you forget that part of history? | ||
| That sounds insane. | ||
| That sounds literally insane. | ||
| But just think about it. | ||
| There's American history and then there's Black History Month where we are in right now. | ||
| There's American history In my mind, I'm like, no. | ||
| There's fucking history and black people are all through this shit. | ||
| It's no separation of this. | ||
| Like, okay, when did you start? | ||
| When did America start? | ||
| Was we here or not here? | ||
| You can't start this shit without us. | ||
| Like, we was here. | ||
| Like, what happened? | ||
| Okay, when did you not see me? | ||
| I just want to know. | ||
| So you started the history and you didn't want to include? | ||
| It's the same goddamn history. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You can't. | ||
| But no, no, no. | ||
| This is American history. | ||
| And then there's black history. | ||
| Well, don't you think it's to compensate for the fact that they understand and appreciate that America was founded with slavery and it was incredibly unequal from the jump until 1865. And then even after 1865, you got Jim Crow laws. | ||
| It took decades and decades. | ||
| The civil rights movement is a long fucking time. | ||
| Before it even shows a semblance of equality. | ||
| Took a long time. | ||
| So the idea, I think, is to compensate for that in some way by introducing this shortest month of the year and focusing on black history. | ||
| I used to actually be pissed about that. | ||
| Some people are pissed about that. | ||
| It is kind of ironic. | ||
| Couldn't make it January? | ||
| Let me tell you why I'm not pissed now. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| So the guy who came up with Black History Month, Carter, he... | ||
| It was actually a week in February. | ||
| It was just a week. | ||
| And then it lobbied for a month. | ||
| And the only reason that it's in February, because he placed it in the month that his two idols were born in. | ||
| Black History Month is after Frederick Douglass and Abraham Lincoln, because it was their birthdays in February. | ||
| That's the only reason I give this shit a pass. | ||
| Because I understand what he was going for. | ||
| So it's unfortunate that it happened because it used to be just a week and all weeks are the same length. | ||
| Unfortunately, his damn idols were born in February. | ||
| If we had idols born in January, we'd have been on it. | ||
| But he didn't. | ||
| But I don't think that you can separate The two, when it comes to that, because it's... | ||
| But if they took it away, people would be pissed. | ||
| Definitely. | ||
| That's the flip side of both coins. | ||
| Now, okay. | ||
| It's the shortest month of the year, but if I didn't have... | ||
| If you want to see black people fucking blow up... | ||
| Take it away. | ||
| We're all equal. | ||
| It's the same history. | ||
| Show up to February and don't nobody say no more. | ||
| Okay, what we're doing is this. | ||
| No more Black History Month in February. | ||
| It's just all one history. | ||
| Fuck that! | ||
| We're not going for that. | ||
| We're like, nah, I'm going to take the 29th. | ||
| Well, they've made some corrections in my lifetime. | ||
| And one of the things they did is they got rid of Columbus Day. | ||
| Columbus Day is not Columbus Day anymore. | ||
| What is it? | ||
| Well, I think they're calling it Indigenous Peoples Day, right? | ||
| Is that what they're calling Columbus Day? | ||
| Is that right, Jamie? | ||
| I'm pretty sure. | ||
| I think it depends on where you are. | ||
| Does it? | ||
| My kids' school, they do not say Columbus Day. | ||
| Indigenous people. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I typed it in. | ||
| It still comes up. | ||
| Well, Columbus was a real piece of shit. | ||
| And what drove me crazy is, how did you guys not know this? | ||
| That was a long time ago. | ||
| That was 1492. I went to high school in the 80s. | ||
| How come you didn't tell me then? | ||
| You had to know. | ||
| Like, they had to know. | ||
| They had to know. | ||
| Columbus was a fucking serial killer. | ||
| He was a murderer, man. | ||
| They would take Native Americans, they would find them, and they would bring them some gold, and they would say, you have to bring me back more gold, or I'm going to chop your fucking arm off. | ||
| And they would do it in front of everybody. | ||
| Like, okay, you don't bring me any gold? | ||
| Watch this, everybody. | ||
| Chop a dude's arm off and murder him and then say, bring me fucking gold. | ||
| Like, they did horrible shit. | ||
| There was a missionary that traveled with Columbus and he wrote a journal. | ||
| And in his journal, they talked about taking babies and... | ||
| Bashing their heads on rocks in front of the Native Americans. | ||
| They talked about the horrific shit that they did to these people that they found there. | ||
| Raping and murdering and pillaging and just taking anything they wanted. | ||
| And it's amazing that it took until, what, like 2010 or some shit like that before people go, hey, I've been looking into this Columbus guy and maybe we shouldn't have a fucking holiday about this guy. | ||
| It's... | ||
| See if you can find some of the horrors that Columbus did. | ||
| Because it's shocking. | ||
| When you... | ||
| This is like historically documented accounts by eyewitnesses who were there when he pulled up and with the Pinta, the Santa Maria and the whatever the fucking boat and the horrific shit that they did to the people that they found there. | ||
| It's documented. | ||
| Him and King Lippo. | ||
| Yeah, him and the king who did that to the Congo. | ||
| Like, he fucked the Congo up. | ||
| Like, he literally was cutting their hands off. | ||
| And, like, he... | ||
| Columbus did this with gold. | ||
| He did this with fucking rubber trees. | ||
| Like, King Leopold... | ||
| Yeah, Leopold II. Like, he... | ||
| It's like... | ||
| It has to be in, like, tens of millions of Congolingian people that he just fucking just slaughtered for rubber trees. | ||
| For rubber trees. | ||
| Like, Columbus... | ||
| It's been some people... | ||
| The mass majority of people, you say that about Columbus, they have no idea. | ||
| What do you mean? | ||
| Columbus was... | ||
| I think the people who put him on the boat was trying to fucking kill him. | ||
| Like, yo, you are so bad. | ||
| Yes, you will sell. | ||
| The world is flat. | ||
| Go get us some spices. | ||
| The first one I can read is... | ||
| There's five long paragraphs on here, but the first one is good enough, I think, is... | ||
| Columbus ignored the kings and queens' order that he abstain from doing the inhabitants any injury. | ||
| For example, he created in 1495 the tribute system requiring every person over 14 to provide him with a hawk's bell of gold every three months. | ||
| Those who complied were given a token to wear around their neck. | ||
| Those who didn't comply, as Columbus' son Fernando reported, were punished by having their hands cut off. | ||
| And left to bleed to death. | ||
| About 10,000 in Haiti and the Dominican Republic were victimized. | ||
| Many of the indigenous people were, while alive, roasted on spits, burned at the stake, and invaders hacked the children into pieces. | ||
| Also, Columbus's men tore the babies from their mother's breast by their feet and dashed their heads against the rocks. | ||
| They splitted the bodies of other babies together with their mothers on the swords. | ||
| As noted by Spanish historian and Catholic priest Bartolome de las Casas who witnessed much of the carnage, that's the guy, Columbus in order to test the sharpness of their blades directed his men to cut off the legs of children who ran from them. | ||
| His crew would pour people full of boiling soap and cause others to be eaten alive by hunting dogs. | ||
| And if Columbus' brigade ran out of meat for their vicious dogs, Arawak babies were killed for dog food. | ||
| You can keep going on and on about that. | ||
| But they knew about this for a long fucking time. | ||
| And we had Columbus Day. | ||
| Historians must have known this. | ||
| These aren't new documents that they just found in a fucking clay jar in the middle of some reservation somewhere. | ||
| No, this is shit that they knew about. | ||
| He was a monster. | ||
| And they did horrific shit to people here. | ||
| And, you know, it's crazy. | ||
| And they gave him a day. | ||
| They gave him a whole day. | ||
| He found America. | ||
| He didn't find America. | ||
| They're talking about Haiti and the Dominican Republic. | ||
| He wasn't even here. | ||
| They didn't even land here. | ||
| Didn't they land in the Virgin Islands or something? | ||
| That's where they... | ||
| I think the Virgin Islands was first. | ||
| Our history is filled with monsters, man. | ||
| It's filled with monsters. | ||
| Filled. | ||
| Filled with monsters. | ||
| Monsters, yeah. | ||
| And you... | ||
| I think I'm going to probably find out... | ||
| Like, Santa Claus. | ||
| I'm like, I know something else about him. | ||
| Santa Claus was a shaman. | ||
| That's what Santa Claus was supposed to be. | ||
| Santa Claus was a Siberian shaman and his whole deal was bringing people mushrooms. | ||
| Shaman in Siberia. | ||
| I would like him. | ||
| Shaman in Siberia, it was forbidden for them to practice their shamanic rituals because they were getting people to trip balls and question government and shit. | ||
| So they'd have to come in through the chimney. | ||
| So the shamans Would slide down through the chimney with a sack of mushrooms. | ||
| This is all... | ||
| This is speculative, but it makes sense because it aligns with evidence. | ||
| First of all... | ||
| Pine trees. | ||
| Like, why pine trees? | ||
| Why do we have pine trees? | ||
| Why is that a fucking thing for a Christmas tree? | ||
| Because coniferous trees, like pine trees, they have what's called a mycorrhizal relationship with mushrooms, meaning the spores grow under these trees. | ||
| And this one particular mushroom that's connected to Santa Claus is called the Amanita muscaria. | ||
| The Amanita muscaria is a shiny, Red mushroom with white patches on it, and it looks like fucking Santa Claus. | ||
| Santa Claus with his red outfit, with his white cuffs and white puff and sleeves. | ||
| Not only that, they would take these mushrooms that they would pick that grow under the pine tree, and then they would put them on the tree to dry them out. | ||
| That's how they dried these mushrooms out. | ||
| They would hang them from the trees, just like shiny ornaments on trees. | ||
| There's a lot of connections between Santa Claus and these mushrooms and rituals and even Christianity itself. | ||
| There's a book from the 1970s called The Sacred Mushroom and the Cross by a guy named John Marco Allegro. | ||
| And John Marco Allegro was a scholar who was hired by The commission that was overseeing the Dead Sea Scrolls translation. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Because he was an ordained minister and he was also a linguist. | ||
| But he was the only person on the staff that was assigned to do this that was also... | ||
| He wasn't a religious person anymore. | ||
| He was an ordained minister, but he'd become agnostic after he had read all these different texts. | ||
| He had read so many different religions and so many different religious works that he's like, boy, this seems like a little, there's like a lot of confusion here. | ||
| Like, I'm not, I don't think the Bible itself is the exact right word. | ||
| There might be a lot of confusion here. | ||
| And one of the things they determined, he determined, after 14 years of studying the Dead Sea Scrolls, which is the oldest version of the Bible, He determined that the entire Christian religion was a giant misunderstanding. | ||
| And what it really was about was the consumption of psychedelic mushrooms and fertility rituals. | ||
| And that they had hid all of these stories, hid them from the Romans in parables. | ||
| And that these stories, like the meaning of like the apple with Adam and Eve, that apple, the way you get the wisdom from, that apple was the mushroom. | ||
| That was the forbidden fruit. | ||
| Apple meaning red, it was another word. | ||
| The translation was another word for red. | ||
| And red meaning mushroom. | ||
| Meaning that Amanita Mascara. | ||
| Pull up the cover of the sacred mushroom in the cross. | ||
| It's a crazy book. | ||
| I'm getting the book. | ||
| I'm way too dumb to know if it's right or wrong, and I'm way too dumb to know if Santa Claus really was a mushroom. | ||
| But this motherfucker translated the word Christ to an ancient Sumerian word, which meant a mushroom covered in God's semen. | ||
| Because when it rained and things would grow out of the ground, that's it. | ||
| The sacred mushroom and the cross. | ||
| Bro, that looks like Santa Claus. | ||
| That's the mushroom. | ||
| They thought that when it rained, that the mushrooms were like... | ||
| Because, you know, have you ever been outside after the rain? | ||
| Mushrooms that weren't there yesterday are now there, and they're huge. | ||
| Now, if you found those, and you trip balls from eating them, like, every... | ||
| Primate tests things to see if you could eat it because they're hungry They don't know and you'd find those and trip balls and literally get connected to God They were convinced that this was their pathway to holiness their pathway to God was through these mushrooms So they would hide it not tell anybody and try to tell it in stories. | ||
| Oh, wow I'm gonna get this book because you're thinking about thousands of years of stories more than a thousand years before it ever even gets written down a That's the whole thing. | ||
| I think that's the part that people miss. | ||
| A lot of this wasn't written. | ||
| A lot of this was like, you got a griot that I know this story. | ||
| I'm delivering this story. | ||
| This griot may have left out a little piece, but I'm... | ||
| Even the stories of Jesus, they didn't write them until hundreds of years after he was dead. | ||
| Hundreds of years. | ||
| And he didn't write nothing. | ||
|
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|
Right. | |
| It's like us writing stories about Abraham Lincoln without him having written anything, which is crazy. | ||
| You're just attributing things to him. | ||
| You don't know. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Or pick up any other historical figure from 200 years ago and just try writing accurate accounts of what he did and who he was and what he stood for based on what? | ||
| Based on a Roman emperor deciding what gets in and what doesn't get in the book, which is exactly what happened. | ||
| Constantine... | ||
| Yeah, that motherfucker. | ||
| I told you, you are my fucking favorite person. | ||
| You know how many people don't talk about Constantine? | ||
| Like, literally! | ||
| He wasn't even a Christian. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
|
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|
He converted people because it was the best way to control them. | |
| I'm done. | ||
| Constantine is my pet peeve with any... | ||
| I say, yo, you don't know who Constantine is? | ||
| As soon as you're Christian, you don't know who Constantine is. | ||
| I'm like, yo, why don't you ask your pastor? | ||
| Because he knows. | ||
| And he's not going to tell you who Constantine is. | ||
| Constantine is controlling things. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| Wait a minute. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Let me read it. | |
| No, no, I don't think... | ||
| He's a fucking politician. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What we don't need them to know is Mary had a miracle birth, so I'm going to give you what do you need? | ||
| What do you need for this not to be in the book? | ||
| It's the craziest thing that people don't know about Constantine. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| Oh my goodness. | ||
| How about when they go into the reason why holidays are at a certain time of the year? | ||
| They go into that because they made Christmas in that time because they wanted it to align with pagan rituals. | ||
| With pagan rituals. | ||
| December 25th? | ||
| What a fucking coincidence. | ||
| Because that's when Jesus came about. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| We're going to hide this right up under this witch's ball. | ||
| They wanted to convert these pagans. | ||
| They all had these pagan ideas and pagan rituals. | ||
| They were aligned with summer solstice and the winter solstice. | ||
| So that's why they made Christmas when it is. | ||
| It had nothing to do with Jesus' birthday. | ||
| Jesus was supposed to be born historically. | ||
| June or some shit. | ||
| It had nothing to do with Christmas. | ||
| It had nothing to do with the Easter Bunny. | ||
| That's for fuck sure. | ||
| Nothing to do with that. | ||
| What is that about? | ||
| Nothing to do with that at all. | ||
| Not from the story I read about Easter. | ||
| Makes no sense. | ||
| Nothing. | ||
| He didn't even convert until after he was on his deathbed. | ||
| That's when Constantine converted to Christianity. | ||
| He was like, okay, do it now. | ||
| Do it now. | ||
| Alright, I'm dying. | ||
| What am I supposed to say? | ||
| Like, yo. | ||
| He might not have even. | ||
| He might have just died. | ||
|
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|
They said, on his deathbed, Sir Constantine converted. | |
| Because certain people wasn't giving up what they believed. | ||
| The whole... | ||
| Like, if you Islamic Muslims, the protection of the Prophet Muhammad Ali was Islam was by his uncle, who was not even Muslim, and he never converted. | ||
| He never... | ||
| Like, I protect you. | ||
| I see what you're doing. | ||
| You know? | ||
| I'm not converting, though. | ||
| I don't know what you're doing. | ||
| Like... | ||
| In Islam, it's one... | ||
| Joke that I like telling about the Prophet Muhammad, I'm saying, yo, I think that he had a sense of humor because they was changing things when people were converting to Islam. | ||
| So, okay, everybody's going to pray one direction. | ||
| Then the next day he get a revelation, hey, change the direction of the prayer. | ||
| And everybody who was with them because they was Jews and they was like, okay, we're with you because you're praying this way. | ||
| They were like, we changed. | ||
| They were like, no, I'm not doing that. | ||
| I was with you. | ||
| Then they had these pagan rituals where they would hold their idols because most Muslims pray and they hold their hands right here, but they would hold their idols. | ||
| And I was like, the prophet probably came out and didn't want them holding them idols. | ||
| It was like, yo, watch this. | ||
| I got something for them tomorrow. | ||
| And so it's a part where people say, Allahu Akbar. | ||
| So they had to do their hands like this. | ||
| So you had to do this. | ||
| This wasn't even a part of prayer at first. | ||
| He was like, yo, y'all know y'all gotta follow me, right? | ||
| Whatever I do, y'all gotta do. | ||
| And he was like, yeah, we know. | ||
| He said, Allahu Akbar. | ||
| So they had to drop their idols. | ||
| And this Muslim dude was like, yo, that is very funny. | ||
| That is very funny. | ||
| I don't like it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But I'm sorry. | |
| They don't like any jokes about Islam at all, ever. | ||
| Ever. | ||
| You can tell Christian jokes to Christians and they'll laugh. | ||
| Muslims do not want to hear it. | ||
| I talk about bither a lot, innovation, like things that was innovative, like things that we didn't do for like the dick or beads. | ||
| You know that wasn't, that's innovation. | ||
| This is not to innovate. | ||
| You can have a whole argument with somebody about what is innovation, what we wasn't doing in the beginning, and then you start doing. | ||
| Yo, it's a lot of things we weren't doing in the beginning because it wasn't written down what to do. | ||
| It was like it started after. | ||
| A lot of things start after the fact. | ||
| Yo, look. | ||
| It happened. | ||
| What do we do now? | ||
| Well, next time we're going to do this. | ||
| You know, we didn't have it, but people don't accept it. | ||
| They're like, no, it was always this No, it's not that rigid. | ||
| Do you think that people need structure? | ||
| They need things like that to keep society together, especially back in the day before there were books and clearly before there was the internet. | ||
| They need some structure. | ||
| Like, if you behave this way, these are the rules, dress this way, walk this way, this is how we're gonna keep this fucking place together. | ||
| And if you don't, you're gonna burn in hell. | ||
| Forever. | ||
| So, you don't want that. | ||
| Do you think people need that? | ||
| I think people do need some sort of structure. | ||
| But I think most of it was based upon people I need to regulate what you think is normal. | ||
| I actually do. | ||
| I need you to know the difference between this and this. | ||
| I used to say that I didn't want them to lock up crazy people. | ||
| How do you know if you're sane if you never see crazy people? | ||
| I need to see somebody's shit in their hand and know that I'm cool. | ||
| Okay, I thought that was disgusting. | ||
| Okay, I'm supposed to. | ||
| But if you look at him like, oh, that's cool right there. | ||
| No, fucking something's wrong with you. | ||
| You need to be over there with him. | ||
| I think that it's some things that you have to regulate. | ||
| Yo, sir, we're wearing pants now. | ||
| You can't... | ||
| You can't be walking around with your dick out. | ||
| Well, this is how I feel. | ||
| But now we back to that. | ||
| We have shifted back to there's no right and there's no wrong. | ||
| It's only based on how I feel. | ||
| Like being affluent. | ||
| Like this is on a slippery slope because you don't have to have no hormones. | ||
| You don't have to do no... | ||
| Actual changes. | ||
| I could just... | ||
| I woke up this morning. | ||
| I'm feeling male. | ||
| I'm feeling male-dominant. | ||
| And now all of a sudden it's 3.30 and I'm feeling sassy. | ||
| So I can walk into the woman's restroom now because this is how I'm feeling. | ||
| I don't think that... | ||
| That's how they go. | ||
| I think you need, hey, chop your dick off, then you can do whatever you want to do in that bathroom. | ||
| That's all going to be solved one day when they have gene editing. | ||
| When they can say, okay, Ali, you are a woman, for sure, 100%. | ||
| Okay, press that button. | ||
| And then you actually become a physical, biological woman. | ||
| Look, I feel for people. | ||
| I've met a lot of people that are transgender that really do feel like they're trapped in the wrong body. | ||
| It's got to be a terrible thing. | ||
| But we also need logic. | ||
| Like, you can't be in high school and just say, I identify with females, not take any hormones and compete on the girls' track team. | ||
| Because it's not fair. | ||
| It's not fair to women. | ||
| It's just not. | ||
| We're lying to everybody if we say it is. | ||
| And now, with this new law that's passed with the Biden administration, apparently, all you have to do is identify. | ||
| And you could compete with the gender that you identify. | ||
| Now, if you're a poor kid... | ||
| That this is the best way for you to get a scholarship. | ||
| I'm Juana Man. | ||
| I'm fucking Juana Man. | ||
| That's a loophole. | ||
| I'm crossing this shit over every girl. | ||
| I'm not saying most people are going to do that. | ||
| I think most people who do it are doing it for the right reasons. | ||
| They're doing it because they really do believe they're in the wrong body. | ||
| But it's not fair in sports. | ||
| Especially if there's no hormone treatment. | ||
| You don't have to have some sort of distinction between how much time you're on hormones or whether or not you go through reassignment surgery or what. | ||
| You can just decide that you're a female and then you could play female whatever. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Think about this. | ||
| We live in a society where domestic violence is something. | ||
| But I know it's going to be some slick ass dude that going to be in a domestic violence situation. | ||
| The police going to come. | ||
| Usually the dude goes to jail and the dude's like, wait a minute. | ||
| This is two women fighting. | ||
| This is not even domestic. | ||
| This is a goddamn cat fight. | ||
| Why you figure that out? | ||
| I'm identifying as a female. | ||
| Like, right now, fucking Charles! | ||
| Like, yeah. | ||
| Full be it. | ||
| I'm identifying as a fucking woman right now in the middle of this fight. | ||
| You got me fucked up. | ||
| I'm not a dude. | ||
| Well, some people try to take things to a ridiculous place because they want to. | ||
| Like, there's a guy who's a transgender guy who has a full beard, wears a dress. | ||
| I mean, he's a man. | ||
| Not taking any hormones at all. | ||
| And one of his quotes was, some women have penises, and if you don't like that, you can suck my dick. | ||
| And people are like, yes, queen, you go. | ||
| You gotta have room for crazy. | ||
| You gotta make room in any theory, any practice, anything. | ||
| Like we were talking about with Trump saying, you know, you gotta show a show of strength. | ||
| If you're talking to rational people... | ||
| They're gonna listen to that. | ||
| But if you're talking to a dude who's got antlers on his head and he's got no shirt on and he believes that the FBI is fucking babies in the basement of Capitol Hill, well, you got a real problem there because you haven't made room for crazy in your ideas. | ||
| You gotta have room for crazy. | ||
| The fucking dude that's in the rally, in the rally hall in a goddamn F-150 Just in the rally hall. | ||
| Gotta show strength. | ||
| You can't tell him anything. | ||
| No. | ||
| You have crazy people. | ||
| June is fucking crazy. | ||
| They are a real thing. | ||
| They're a real thing. | ||
| You gotta always have room for crazy in everything. | ||
| Whether it's a cultural thing, a religious thing, whether it's any practice. | ||
| You always gotta say, okay... | ||
| How are crazy people going to see this? | ||
| How are crazy people going to abuse this? | ||
| And when it comes to a lot of things, like, man, you've got too much room here. | ||
| You've got too much room here for crazy people to step in and abuse it. | ||
| Anything else has what they call loopholes. | ||
| You know, the defense for loopholes. | ||
| Hey, we're going to do this. | ||
| We're going to make sure it's covered up. | ||
| This is a blind area over here. | ||
| We've got to make sure we cover it. | ||
| How don't you make room fucking crazy? | ||
| And you've seen so much of it. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| We've seen enough crazy to be like, yo, look, okay, something's gonna happen. | ||
| I'm a rational person. | ||
| When I plan a baby's birthday party, I think something's gonna happen. | ||
| So I'm like, yo. | ||
| Somebody's got to wash the pool. | ||
| Make sure nobody falls in. | ||
| Hey, look. | ||
| I know we're getting a bouncy house, but I want this shit to be nailed to the fucking ground. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| And I need an extra safety rope for this shit. | ||
| And make sure kids don't climb to the top. | ||
| Have someone there. | ||
| You do all these things, but for society, there's nothing. | ||
| There's no net for crazy. | ||
| There's too many things to think about. | ||
| Think about all the things we outlined today. | ||
| Fixing the healthcare system, fixing the education system, fixing police reform. | ||
| All the different things. | ||
| And then 320 million people and at least 1% of them are out of their fucking mind. | ||
| So you got 3 million plus people out of their fucking minds and you're trying to govern all of it while balancing the budget and keeping North Korea from blowing up San Francisco. | ||
| And you're like, ah! | ||
| Who the fuck wants to be president? | ||
| What a crazy job. | ||
| And you have no idea what these million plus crazy people are. | ||
| It's like you just... | ||
| Okay. | ||
| The guy with the antlers, do you think he's crazy or no? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I bet he's less crazy now. | |
| I bet he's been in jail for a couple of months now and just sitting around going, what have I done? | ||
| Oh my god, this is my life now. | ||
| I thought I was part of the revolution. | ||
| I thought I was like dumping tea over into the ocean. | ||
| I thought I was gonna go down in history. | ||
| I think it was crazy. | ||
| I think a lot of people was in there with the poses of, this is going to be the shot. | ||
| We're taking over. | ||
| We're taking over. | ||
| Because when I saw him with the flag up, I said, yeah, he want to be on the front of Time magazine. | ||
| I think a lot of those people were just wanting to be a part of the strength. | ||
| How do you show up with zip ties? | ||
| Who told you? | ||
| Who called you? | ||
| James! | ||
| And not a few. | ||
| A fucking ring of them. | ||
| Yo, James, do you got your zip ties? | ||
| Shit, gotta turn back around. | ||
| Charles, gotta go get the zip ties. | ||
| Yeah, they wanted to find Nancy Pelosi. | ||
| Imagine if they did. | ||
| What if they stormed in and what if the security was so lax that they got AOC, Nancy Pelosi, and killed them? | ||
| You in there hollering, where's Pelosi? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like, is that your assignment? | |
| Like, I know like football is always somebody who runs out after they kick and they go out. | ||
| I think they got a dog now that runs out of the field and grabs the bit and runs outside. | ||
| Who... | ||
| Okay, what was the rally that said, look, we need people to do certain things. | ||
| We need you to get Pelosi. | ||
| You. | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| That would be a good comedy movie. | ||
| Getting Pelosi. | ||
| You see these fucking people playing this shit out. | ||
| Get Pelosi! | ||
| Look, we were talking about rules and regulations and stupid people. | ||
| There's a lot of people out there that they don't know what they're doing with their life. | ||
| When something comes up that seems like it's a movement, and you're attached to it, and it seems important, and then you're out there. | ||
| And I don't know how many people were there, but I've heard it was hundreds of thousands of people. | ||
| Is there an accurate estimation of how many people tried to storm Capitol Hill? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| How many people were there at that day? | ||
| They guesstimated. | ||
| Well, either way. | ||
| It's hundreds of thousands of people. | ||
| It's an enormous amount of people. | ||
| So when you're there with all those people like, yeah! | ||
| You feel like you're on the right side. | ||
| Like, look at all these people. | ||
| We can't all be wrong. | ||
| We can't all be retarded. | ||
| Look at how many of us are. | ||
| We can't all be fucking idiots. | ||
| There's no way. | ||
| There's no way. | ||
| Dude, I'm telling you, I think this is it. | ||
| I think we're going to fucking take back this country. | ||
| And you're like, yeah! | ||
| And then they break down the barrier and everybody storms over. | ||
| You're like, yes! | ||
| We're doing it! | ||
| We're fucking doing it! | ||
| They really thought they were doing it. | ||
| They like fucking cowboy fans. | ||
| I know that we fucking six. | ||
| We only won six games. | ||
| We're going to the playoffs. | ||
| How? | ||
| I don't know, but we're going to do it. | ||
| Did you ever see the lady that got shot? | ||
| No, I didn't. | ||
| I didn't see how she got shot, where she got shot. | ||
| I just know she... | ||
| She was coming through a window. | ||
| She was breaking this window, and she's coming through the window, and the security guard shoots her. | ||
| But what I was saying is... | ||
| There was videos of her before that where she was ranting and raving about the government and everything that's wrong and we got to take this back and that and you hear her talk and rant and rave you're like oh my god she's a crazy person There's a crazy person that's like full-on, | ||
| QAnon, on parlor every day, you know, just constantly buying into theories and conspiracies and chaos, and this poor fucking lady believed all this shit, and she was an Air Force veteran. | ||
| She was a veteran. | ||
| When you don't have time to actually rationalize... | ||
| I think a lot of those people were... | ||
| Unemployed. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Everybody who I heard the interview from, it's like they were unemployed. | ||
| So when you said I was an unemployed actor, I'm like, damn. | ||
| I didn't even read that about him, but it's the norm with these guys. | ||
| One guy was saying, well, I was all in, and me and my dad, and we was in it. | ||
| So, first of all, I'm not in any groups with my mom. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Me and my mom, we fucking love each other. | ||
| Any groups with my mom, like me and my mom, we share the triple A account. | ||
| I put on my account, like, yo, just in case, you know, I can put you on my triple A account. | ||
| That is about it. | ||
| Like, my mom is never, we're going to the rally! | ||
|
unidentified
|
It was like... | |
| Yeah, but imagine if you grew up in a militia family. | ||
| And that's, you know, that's a problem with people raising kids, right? | ||
| If you grow up in a family that really does believe that they have to do this. | ||
| They have to storm the Capitol and take America back, and then you're there with your parents. | ||
| Like, I'm sure there was probably kids at that fucking rally that really did believe it. | ||
| They really did believe it. | ||
| And their parents were like, yeah, we're going to take it back for Trump. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You're like, whoa, I can't believe I'm here, Dad! | |
| I think it was a kid. | ||
| I think either he was 17 or 19. He was the kid that when the woman got shot, he was right behind her. | ||
| He said he had stuck his head in right before she did and then she just happened to be going through the window and they shot her. | ||
| I think he was 17 or 19. You know, and I was like, and then he started crying. | ||
| It could have been me. | ||
| You know how it couldn't have been you? | ||
| If you wouldn't have fucking stormed the Capitol. | ||
| If you wouldn't have been breaking... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I still, to this day, as I look at it, I'm still confused on how they stormed the Capitol, and then they got in, and they start walking through the ropes, single file line, like, where's the restroom? | ||
| They're probably freaked out. | ||
| They couldn't believe they're in. | ||
| You get into the Capitol building, you're probably like, are we really in this? | ||
| I would have been in that fucking sightseeing. | ||
| I'm like, yo, look at the fucking... | ||
| And if you're the first person in, you're probably like, wait, there's no one in front of me. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Is this... | |
| Are we doing this? | ||
| Is this really happening? | ||
| I got in and saw some of the fucking amazing statues. | ||
| I'm like, hey guys, I don't think we're supposed to touch any of this. | ||
| This is the story. | ||
| I wouldn't have wanted to break nothing. | ||
| I'm like, I damn sure would have been flipping through no fucking pages. | ||
| Did you see the one security guard? | ||
| As they're coming up the stairs, he's got a gun on him. | ||
| We're like, please, stop, stop. | ||
| And then he keeps backing up. | ||
| Shit. | ||
| And they're running towards him like little animals. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ah. | |
| How they can get away with it? | ||
| They're gonna get closer? | ||
| It's like Walking Dead. | ||
| Yeah, a lot like that. | ||
| I've started playing Walking Dead on my Oculus. | ||
| Oh, I haven't played that. | ||
| We had an Oculus at the old studio. | ||
| We don't have one here though. | ||
| Have you played the Walking Dead game on Oculus? | ||
| I heard it's scary. | ||
| It is so fucking terrifying. | ||
| Like, it is, like, once you get there, you be like, okay, cool. | ||
| And you, and you walking around, and you seeing different shit, and then you see one of them fucking walking dead, and it be like, it just be like, on the, like, it just go like, you like, wait a minute, hold on. | ||
| And it's so realistic, because you can look down at your hands and see, it's like, alright, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not ready. | ||
| I'm not ready. | ||
| Then you come around and there's a lot of them. | ||
| You're like, oh shit. | ||
| And you're trying to run like, I'm not even supposed to be. | ||
| First of all, I just ran into my coffee table because I'm all out my barrier. | ||
| The Oculus, that Oculus, I'm waiting to play Star Wars. | ||
| I've been getting my ass whooped on Creed because I can't figure out how to not let the dude get behind me. | ||
| My barrier, my barrier game is weak. | ||
| How much room do you have to move around in? | ||
| At least six feet. | ||
| Is the Creed game a good one? | ||
| It's a boxing game. | ||
| You can get a good workout on those boxing games. | ||
| We had one and I did a couple of rounds with the machine and I was like, I'm tired. | ||
| This is crazy. | ||
| This is a real workout because it feels like you're really fighting. | ||
| Creed is good, but it's another fighting game on there as well. | ||
| But the Creed one was the one I saw because it had a demo for it. | ||
| I literally just got this Oculus and I'm trying not to be too into it because I don't want to get caught up, but it's hard. | ||
| Dude, I had it at my studio, and my daughter would come in, and the moment she would come in, she'd go, Hi, Dad! | ||
| Just skid right to the Oculus. | ||
| Put it on, and just barely talked to me. | ||
| I'd go, Hi! | ||
| How was school? | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| And she would just be in there playing games. | ||
| She was so locked into it. | ||
| You'd see her walking around. | ||
| Swinging at shit that's not really there. | ||
| All these different games. | ||
| The weirdest thing about virtual reality is when you're playing it, you go, oh, they're going to make this way better. | ||
| Right now, this is pretty fucking good, but what is this going to be five years from now? | ||
| I'm not even going to know if it's virtual reality. | ||
| It's going to be like The Matrix. | ||
| My son, Hassan, it's a weird thing. | ||
| I have to really focus my mind on what he's doing, because he'd go in Jurassic World, because he loves dinosaurs. | ||
| He goes into Jurassic World, and I'm in my office, and I'm like, ah! | ||
| I'm running, I'm running, yo, what's up? | ||
| And I'm looking, oh, he's on an Oculus. | ||
| And he, it's crazy. | ||
| And I was like, well, let me see what you, let me see. | ||
| And I was like, oh, shit. | ||
| Because he knows all the dinosaurs. | ||
| I don't know any of them. | ||
| And it's a weird thing, but I didn't think I was going to like it. | ||
| And, you know, I get into certain things and But I wanted to ask you something, because you just said, how does that feel when your kids don't pay you any attention? | ||
| What are you going to do? | ||
| They're so addicted to games, man. | ||
| I thought I was going to be okay with it. | ||
| I thought I was like, oh, okay. | ||
| No, it's weird. | ||
| Because I'm like, yo, I'm your fucking father. | ||
| I had a meeting today. | ||
| And one of the things I did, I was talking to this one gentleman, and I came out, and I was saying hi to the other two people that were a part of the meeting, and the other two people were on their phone, just staring at their phone, scrolling. | ||
| I'm like, look at these zombies. | ||
| I'm like, look at this lady. | ||
| She's not even paying attention to me. | ||
| She's looking at her Instagram. | ||
| I'm looking at her going through her Instagram feed like this. | ||
| Just a zombie. | ||
| Like... | ||
| Video games and electronics and this connection to people, when you do it yourself, it feels normal. | ||
| But when you watch other people do it, it feels gross. | ||
| It feels gross watching someone addicted to a screen or addicted to an Oculus or addicted to a video game. | ||
| It feels weird. | ||
| This is a person that's getting sucked into electronics. | ||
| You're just sitting there. | ||
| You think you're doing something. | ||
| You're not doing shit, but your brain is being occupied as if you're really doing something. | ||
| It's very weird. | ||
| And kids don't have the ability to rationalize that because you and I grew up without it. | ||
| And then it came a part of our life later. | ||
| I think the generation that kids are growing up in right now with our kids, this is the first generation... | ||
| Really, that, you know, roughly, that has had no experience outside of the internet. | ||
| Their internet has been there from the moment they were born, so video games, the internet, and then they keep getting better and better and better and better until you'd kind of be crazy to not play Jurassic Park. | ||
| When it gets to where it's so wild, it's so much more fun than anything you could do outside. | ||
| Like, you want to play basketball? | ||
| Why the fuck would I play basketball when I could go hang out with dinosaurs? | ||
| For real. | ||
| I just figured out on the Oculus, it's a thing that you can go and literally visit another place and actually walk in the fucking streets. | ||
| Like, I can literally, like, yo, what you doing tonight? | ||
| I'm going to Paris. | ||
| Like, on a jet? | ||
| No, like, in my living room, I'm going to go to fucking Paris. | ||
| And I can go to these places on this Oculus, but the thing with my children... | ||
| And the understanding with society, like when you... | ||
| This is, to me, this is the most natural thing to sit across from somebody and have a conversation about an array of topics. | ||
| Whether you know something or you don't know something. | ||
| You sitting there, you listening, you interested, you getting... | ||
| But how many people under the age of 35 have I actually had a conversation with past 10 minutes and it was literally probably about something else. | ||
| Because everybody that's 40 and over know how to actually have a dialogue and can sit at a table. | ||
| I can sit at a table and never pick my phone up. | ||
| I can be in my house and never pick my phone up. | ||
| You didn't have your phone with me? | ||
| No, because I'm not fucking married to my phone. | ||
| I grew up walking outside. | ||
| With no phone. | ||
| And the only way you can contact me is when I come back or I hear my mom yelling 2,000 times my name. | ||
| I'm like, yo, I think I hear something that maybe... | ||
| Or somebody say, I think your mama calling you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| So, literally calling you. | ||
| Literally. | ||
| Calling you. | ||
| Hey! | ||
| I remember those days. | ||
| Different world. | ||
| Kids don't get that no more. | ||
| Like, yo, hold on, my mom's calling. | ||
| Hey, what's going on? | ||
| I'm like, my kids are... | ||
| I think my children have a good balance because I take everything and then I garden. | ||
| So that's the other thing. | ||
| I have a full-fledged garden at my house. | ||
| So we have to go outside. | ||
| You have to be in the dirt. | ||
| So if you want to fucking eat, you got to go outside. | ||
| And it's a big thing for me to watch my kids go outside. | ||
| I want a cucumber. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We'll go get one. | |
| It's outside. | ||
| Eating tomatoes off the vine and going to pick greens. | ||
| That's very satisfying, right? | ||
| Hey, I need some parsley. | ||
| Go outside and get it. | ||
| You know, that's a big thing to me. | ||
| So they have to go outside and be in the dirt and be in the world and get vitamin D and hurt they self outside. | ||
| And then they'll come in, they'll get on their iPads, and they'll do that as well. | ||
| But I have one daughter, like, as soon as the back door opens, she out there. | ||
| And she's not coming back in. | ||
| She don't give a damn about her iPad. | ||
| She's like, yo, I'm three. | ||
| I want to be out here in this dirt. | ||
| Daddy, what is this? | ||
| It's wiggling. | ||
| That's the earthworm. | ||
| Can I eat it? | ||
| If you want to. | ||
| Everything is if you want to. | ||
| But I know I'm a different parent than my mom and my grandmother. | ||
| And I'm definitely a different parent than people that's younger than me. | ||
| I have a little more understanding, but I don't have the... | ||
| I have better tolerance than my mom. | ||
| My mom didn't tolerate shit. | ||
| She was raising me and my sister. | ||
| She had two hours of sleep every night. | ||
| Two hours of sleep and I don't have time for you to be making no goddamn mistakes. | ||
| You know how many times my head had been bust open or I knew I was concussed and my mom was like, just go take a nap. | ||
| Mama, I don't... | ||
| My neck... | ||
| What happened? | ||
| I fell off... | ||
| We was playing on the second thing and I fell down and I landed on my neck. | ||
| She's like, well, if you wouldn't have been fucking up there, go lay down. | ||
| But I think the... | ||
| Mama, I think my neck's supposed to be longer than this. | ||
| That's... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Go lay down! | |
| It'll fix itself! | ||
| You wake up and your neck is still short. | ||
| But me, I'm going to probably rush my son to the hospital depending on what the injury is. | ||
| I'm like, yo, my son, he was two? | ||
| Yeah, two. | ||
| I decided to take him to the gym with me. | ||
| I didn't take him to the gym. | ||
| It's just our little apartment gym. | ||
| We stayed in this little town. | ||
| It's our little apartment gym. | ||
| I'm watching him. | ||
| He's doing this thing. | ||
| We're on the treadmill together. | ||
| He is on slow, just walking. | ||
| I get off the treadmill. | ||
| I go to pick up just some dumbbells to bring him back and start curling. | ||
| I turn back and it's literally my son is about to go get trapped under the damn treadmill. | ||
| Because he, his finger, he took his finger and wanted to see where the mill was going. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Shit. | |
| And he's stuck it in. | ||
| So I snatched him from under there. | ||
| And inside his finger is a fucking like an ice cream scoop. | ||
| Like it's like curved out of there. | ||
| I am literally like, damn. | ||
| Because the only thing that you don't want to happen with your kids, you just don't want them hurt when they with you. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Because you don't want to hear their moms. | ||
| So his finger is kind of fucked up. | ||
| He's two. | ||
| So I neospore it and I bandaged it up real good. | ||
| Mom comes home. | ||
| What's wrong with his finger? | ||
| I said, oh, you know, I caught him in the treadmill. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| He'll be alright. | ||
| She takes the bandage off. | ||
| She sees things. | ||
| You can see his bone! | ||
| That's not his bone. | ||
| That's like some meat. | ||
| The skin. | ||
| Neosporin. | ||
| She's like, no. | ||
| Brushes my son to the merch room. | ||
| And they had to fucking grab his finger and stitch it. | ||
| It was way worse than that. | ||
| Oh no. | ||
| So now, a part of his hand, like some shit off his hand to take some skin. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Because it's like, you can still kind of look at his hand and tell. | ||
| Because he's 10 now, so you can still like... | ||
| Yeah, that finger right there. | ||
| That was the finger that was under the treadmill. | ||
| So now, if something happens, I just be careful and just take him to the birch room because his mind, my mind would have just been like, yo, my fucking brain could have been hanging out. | ||
| My mind would have been like, stuff it back in there and go take your ass a nap. | ||
| Ma, that's brain tissue. | ||
| Shit, stop playing with it then. | ||
| My mom was a game of shit. | ||
| She was a game of shit. | ||
| And your kids are going to be different than you. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, it's a weird thing having children in it. | ||
| The whole experience of being responsible for some little person and caring about them so much. | ||
| Never thought you would love anybody that much. | ||
| Chappelle said something to me that is very true, very interesting. | ||
| He said, not only Did it increase my love, but it increased my capacity for love? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's what it does. | ||
| It changes you. | ||
| Whoever you were before you had children, and then who you are after children, you're like, okay. | ||
| I think I see the world through a whole different lens. | ||
| It's just... | ||
| You don't realize how much you could love something or someone. | ||
| You don't realize how much feeling you have. | ||
| Like, you get happy when they draw fucking some stupid heart. | ||
| You're like, oh! | ||
| You get so happy. | ||
| Just little things they do. | ||
| Laughs. | ||
| Little things they do. | ||
| It's like a drug. | ||
| Like, you're filled with a drug. | ||
| Because nature wants you to keep those little people alive. | ||
| And they smell so good. | ||
| Until they don't. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's like you... | ||
| I think that without children, you can understand love, but it's kind of like, I look at it like how my friend broke it down to me about me liking Marvin Gaye. | ||
| He said, let me tell you the difference between, I know you, you know everything about Marvin Gaye. | ||
| The difference is, I was at the concerts. | ||
| I was like, oh shit, that is a big difference. | ||
| Like, you listen to his music, you read shit on him, you watch something. | ||
| I was actually at the concert. | ||
| So it's a different experience. | ||
| So you can know about love. | ||
| But until you have children or a child, it's a level that you're going to not understand about the connection. | ||
| I can look at my children and how can anybody abuse children? | ||
| A child. | ||
| Like, I look at my kids and be like, yo, she's so fucking small and helpless. | ||
| So think about all that Columbus shit that we were just reading about. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Splitting. | ||
| Practicing their swords. | ||
| My daughter, Chanka, there's nothing better than me walking in the back door and hearing her running from whatever. | ||
| All she heard was the door beep open, and she knows everybody else is in the house, so it's me. | ||
| And I hear her feet, da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da, and she come around that corner, daddy! | ||
| I'm like, yo, this is the best part of this. | ||
| This is... | ||
| The part. | ||
| Like, I probably had something on my mind, probably thinking about something, but in the type of hug that she gives, you know it's so genuine. | ||
| Like, I don't want anything. | ||
| I just want to hug you. | ||
| And, you know, the shit that you think is cute, she suck her thumb. | ||
| So, if she really, really like you, she'll let you have some of her thumb. | ||
| You're like, yo. | ||
| So, So, it's like, yo, this is sacred. | ||
| This is a sacred thing to me. | ||
| You know something? | ||
| I love you so much. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Try something. | ||
| Tastes like cocoa butter. | ||
| It's not anything I got on. | ||
| It's a different world. | ||
| People that don't have children, I think you can have a fulfilled life without having children. | ||
| I think it's possible. | ||
| But it's a different experience. | ||
| It made me change my perception of people overall because I started looking at people like a person who used to be a baby. | ||
| I never did that before. | ||
| Before I had children, I never looked at people and said, Oh, that guy's all fucked up because of his life. | ||
| Because he used to be a child. | ||
| He was a little boy. | ||
| He was a baby. | ||
| And then through a bunch of shitty experiences and bad parenting and life throwing curveballs at him and all these different things that went wrong, now you've got this fucked up 43-year-old guy. | ||
| It can be fixed, though. | ||
| Maybe, yeah. | ||
| Because that was me. | ||
| So I'm quite sure... | ||
| It could be fixed because, you know, when you realize something, you know, I didn't realize why I was having bad relationships until I was like 33 years old. | ||
| I had no fucking clue that I go to prison at 19. I literally, what was my experiences with women prior to 19? | ||
| It's like a bunch of high school shit and just in the street shit and meeting people at random spots. | ||
| But it's no actual experience. | ||
| So once I go inside, from 19 to 25, I have no relationships with women. | ||
| I don't even know how to communicate like that but through a letter to my mom and my sister. | ||
| So I get out and I'm trying to have relationships with women. | ||
| And I'm coming from a place where my formative years of me actually learning how to be a fucking good adult was based upon you write if you're violent. | ||
| Or you write if you talk the loudest. | ||
| Or you write if I just ain't got time to be fucking arguing with you about some stupid shit. | ||
| So no... | ||
| Understanding on how to communicate. | ||
| So I get out. | ||
| I'm trying to have relationships. | ||
| And it's just fucking like... | ||
| I know the women who dated me. | ||
| It's like, yo, I'm fucking dating Neanderthal. | ||
| I'm dating somebody who doesn't get it. | ||
| He don't know how to fucking listen. | ||
| He don't know how to do this. | ||
| And he's a fucking... | ||
| He don't say much. | ||
| He doesn't know how to communicate with me outside of... | ||
| You wanna go eat? | ||
| You know? | ||
| Don't go to the movies? | ||
| I don't have shit to actually... | ||
| Have a conversation about it. | ||
| When you said you're right, if you're violent, what do you mean by that? | ||
| It would be this. | ||
| Dudes would be arguing with dudes. | ||
| Totally fucking wrong. | ||
| Totally fucking wrong. | ||
| And then it'd come from there to a threat. | ||
| Man, we'll fucking say something else. | ||
| I'll hit you in your fucking mouth. | ||
| And you'd be sitting on the side like... | ||
| A lot of argument? | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And you only doing him like that because you intimidating him. | ||
| The threat of being violent is making him retreat in this conversation. | ||
| But you're fucking wrong. | ||
| Now you got the people that's like me and other people like, yo, you fucking wrong, man. | ||
| Man, you don't know if I'm wrong. | ||
| But I'm trying to make you say the same shit you said to him to say to me. | ||
| Say that shit to me. | ||
| Say something else. | ||
| That's the level of this fucking animal cage that we're in. | ||
| It's based upon how the threat of violence that you make people shut down even though they write. | ||
| You know, because that's how the officers respond. | ||
| Yo, I'm trying to get an understanding with you, officer. | ||
| You incorrect about this. | ||
| Well, shut up and do what I said. | ||
| Well, get out here and get on the wall. | ||
| So now you're threatening me with fucking bringing some other officers and all the rest. | ||
| But you're still fucking wrong. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Regardless of what you're trying to do, you're still wrong. | ||
| So... | ||
| Raising of the voice, being aggressive was the way that people argued and communicated in this particular space. | ||
| So as you develop, you're like, yo, I got to learn. | ||
| If I'm going to be productive when I get back to the free society, I have to learn to communicate. | ||
| But I'm trying to learn how to communicate as far as business and getting a job and shit like that. | ||
| But I don't know how to communicate on a personal level. | ||
| Because none of the things in here are personal. | ||
| None of this is a, oh man, let me talk to you. | ||
| It's not personal. | ||
| I don't know you. | ||
| I didn't grow up with you. | ||
| None of that. | ||
| So you get back to society and you got this fucked up way of handling things. | ||
| And you challenging people that's in the free society like, don't say nothing about hitting you. | ||
| Because I asked you if you wanted baked chicken or fried chicken. | ||
| Like, fuck is your problem? | ||
| You know, so you get scared and so now I'm 33 and I get it. | ||
| I'm like, I'm just like, okay, I gotta learn to fucking listen and be outside and not listening with negative ears. | ||
| What made you realize that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What was the turning point? | |
| Something dawned on me like, yo man, I can't keep a fucking relationship. | ||
| I'm in and out of relationships, and I'm trying to figure out, is it because of my pops? | ||
| Because he was like that, I saw him do that. | ||
| Is it because I just don't want to be in a relationship? | ||
| Or I'm doing something absolutely wrong? | ||
| And even with comedy, I always ask myself the hard questions. | ||
| If I do a show, before I was a quote-unquote headliner, I was just going last. | ||
| And I didn't think I understood the difference between... | ||
| No, people are coming to see me versus me being on the show and I'm just happy to go last. | ||
| So I've tried to get this understanding of what do I need to do to develop in this game? | ||
| Because I got to know the difference between these particular things. | ||
| And you try to navigate... | ||
| What you're learning versus what you don't fucking know at all. | ||
| And I'm thinking I'm a headliner and I'm not. | ||
| And how does this happen? | ||
| Okay. | ||
| I did a show. | ||
| Would I pay to see the show? | ||
| Okay, yes. | ||
| Would I pay to see the show again? | ||
| Nah, Ali, your show ain't that good yet. | ||
| I wouldn't pay to... | ||
| And I'm talking to myself. | ||
| I wouldn't pay to come back and see me. | ||
| That's a good way of looking at it. | ||
| I didn't think it was good enough. | ||
| It's a real good way of looking at it. | ||
| Would I pay to see me? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And then would I do it again? | ||
| Because people who come see you, they'll come see you again, and they'll come see you again. | ||
| If you put together a good enough show, or you put together a body of work, or they like what you did the first time, they're like, well, I see the development here. | ||
| When I saw him this time, It was like this. | ||
| When I came and saw Joe, did you see Joe do this? | ||
| It's all these different things that lay us, but a lot of comics don't ask themselves, is my show good enough for somebody to pay to see me Or pay to see me again after they did it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| There's levels of perceptions, how you look at yourself. | ||
| That's very important. | ||
| You got to be able to look at yourself outside of what you want. | ||
| You want to be great. | ||
| You want people to love you. | ||
| You want to be a killer. | ||
| You want to be a headliner. | ||
| You want to be all these things. | ||
| But what are you? | ||
| What are you actually? | ||
| What are you actually? | ||
| And what are the steps that you have to take to get from what you are actually to what you wish you were? | ||
| Instead of just pretending. | ||
| Like, that's the saddest thing, is when you see a comic, one of the saddest things, when you see a comic that believes they're great and they suck, and you're like, oof. | ||
| And they're like, man, how come I don't get that fucking show? | ||
| And you're like, really? | ||
| You don't know? | ||
| Like, how do I get on your show? | ||
| Like, you don't. | ||
| You don't. | ||
| You don't. | ||
| You do when you can, when you're ready. | ||
| Like, you're not that good. | ||
| I think that's a huge thing. | ||
| Being self-critical. | ||
| When did you know that I'm not closing... | ||
| I'm not going last. | ||
| People... | ||
| Come to see you. | ||
| They come to see me. | ||
| And it takes something. | ||
| Like, how many times have you reinvented your show? | ||
| Like, literally... | ||
| Okay, I did this. | ||
| This is fucking great. | ||
| But that's over. | ||
| I got to come back and do... | ||
| Something else. | ||
| And now you didn't strip yourself down to start over. | ||
| How many specials you have? | ||
| Ten, I think. | ||
| Ten fucking specials. | ||
| Do you know in my brain how fucking phenomenal that is? | ||
| Because I know what it takes to write a special. | ||
| So to write ten of them That's a... | ||
| I think it might be eight. | ||
| Even eight! | ||
| Try to count them all. | ||
| I have... | ||
| I have... | ||
| At the end of this... | ||
| Maybe nine. | ||
| I have eight albums. | ||
| Six are out. | ||
| I just recorded two. | ||
| They get mixed and mastered. | ||
| I have eight albums. | ||
| You have two that are gonna come out? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That I'm gonna come out. | ||
| Together? | ||
| You're gonna put them out together? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I've done it maybe twice. | ||
| I put out two albums back to back. | ||
| But an album, to me, is easier to write than a special. | ||
| How come? | ||
| Because I take the topic of an album, and I can say, okay, I'm going to do this topic right here. | ||
| Then I go out, I start working it, and whatever other pieces fall in the album, I leave them. | ||
| Whatever happens during the course of that show, I leave it there. | ||
| And that's an easy thing to do. | ||
| Like, I have one of my albums. | ||
| It's three parts on there where I'm arguing with this lady in three different parts because it happened during the course of the show. | ||
| So I'm arguing with her 20 minutes in. | ||
| Then 10 minutes later, we add it again. | ||
| Then 25 minutes later, we add it again. | ||
| I leave all of that there. | ||
| If I was doing a special... | ||
| Those three minutes, four minutes that I left to her to leave on the album, it would be cut. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| See, when I'm saying special, I'm including albums. | ||
| I'm talking about hours. | ||
| I don't think about it that way. | ||
| I thought about it a different way. | ||
| I'm just thinking about how much time do I turn over my material. | ||
| Which is the different thing about today versus back in the day when people didn't do as many specials. | ||
| And because of the internet, we have to turn over our material every, whatever it is. | ||
| For me, it's usually two years with this pandemic, kind of fucked it up. | ||
| But every two years, I've been on a steady, since like... | ||
| I did, yeah, 2012, 2014, 2016, 2018, and I would have done 2020 if it wasn't for the pandemic. | ||
| I had one ready, kind of. | ||
| I was developing it, and then everything shut down in March. | ||
| But that wasn't the case with the guys before us. | ||
| They didn't have to turn over their material that much, so they didn't write as much. | ||
| They weren't forced to be as prolific as we're forced to be. | ||
| So when I I got that when I went to go look at because I wanted to have the most comedy albums and I probably could by now if I wasn't doing over an hour because I looked at Bill Cosby's and I looked at um um Collins and I looked at Richard Pryor's so Richard Pryor has 13 I think wow but maybe five of them are 35 minutes 37 minutes Did you ever listen to the Red | ||
| Fox ones? | ||
| I listened to two Red Fox ones. | ||
| But the Red Fox Club stuff with Pryor. | ||
| No, I haven't heard of it. | ||
| Pryor, there's a bunch of shit. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| You gotta find it. | ||
| You can find it online. | ||
| There's a lot of them on YouTube. | ||
| But I found them at a gas station once. | ||
| There was cassettes that were for sale at a gas station. | ||
| And it was Richard Pryor live from Red Fox Comedy Club. | ||
| Red Foxx had a comedy club. | ||
| And it's Richard just fucking around on stage and being loose. | ||
| You can hear the glasses clinking. | ||
| You hear everything in the audience. | ||
| And you hear him just riffing and having fun, laughing at his own shit. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| And that's how I do my albums. | ||
| I just leave everything in. | ||
| I didn't even know he had those. | ||
| Yeah, you gotta find them. | ||
| You can find them on YouTube. | ||
| They're available. | ||
| There's like a few of them. | ||
| They're available on YouTube. | ||
| But before his actual albums that everybody knows about, there's a bunch of these recordings that were shorter recordings that were all just him fucking around at Red Fox's place. | ||
| I guess they just recorded everything there. | ||
| That's a good way to get a bunch of material out there. | ||
| I think, because when I looked at it, some of his albums, his actual release album was like 37 minutes, 35 minutes. | ||
| I was like, fucking Rich is cheating. | ||
| Shit. | ||
| They probably thought that's all people wanted to hear back then. | ||
| You know? | ||
| I mean, how many... | ||
| When was the first comedy album released? | ||
| I mean, when was that? | ||
| It was probably like the 50s. | ||
| You think? | ||
| 50s? | ||
| I'm guessing. | ||
| I would imagine it's probably like the 50s. | ||
| So you got two decades? | ||
| So that's like you and I in 2021. Imagine if the first comedy special came out in the year 2000. And here we are in 2021 just trying to do our thing. | ||
| Not exactly sure what's the right way to do it. | ||
| I mean, that's really where it's at, right? | ||
| If you think about it, because Pryor was doing some of his best work in the beginning of the 70s. | ||
| That's 20 years after this shit was invented. | ||
| And before that, what was stand-up comedy? | ||
| Like, before that, it was bullshit. | ||
| Before that, it was a bunch of guys that were told the same jokes, and they would go to the Catskills, and they would just sort of repeat all the same stuff. | ||
| And then there was stuff like what Bill Cosby had done, or stuff like Cheech and Chong had done, which was even different, because they did it with no audience. | ||
| So that was like comedy albums. | ||
| But to do stand-up comedy, like a stand-up comedy album, when Richard was around, like, how many guys had done it before? | ||
| There was Cosby, Bill Cosby, George Carlin. | ||
| There was a few other guys that did it that were contemporaries. | ||
| Lenny Bruce was the first. | ||
| But Lenny Bruce was the first to sort of be a social critic. | ||
| Instead of just telling a bunch of jokes, he had social commentary. | ||
| But again, it's like a couple decades. | ||
| There's not that much time. | ||
| I don't think Dick Gregory had an album at that time. | ||
| He might have had a book. | ||
| When did Dick Gregory first start producing albums, right? | ||
| You know, Dick Gregory was also one of the few guys that was... | ||
| He wasn't just a social critic. | ||
| He brought the Zapruder film to television. | ||
| He showed people how Kennedy got assassinated in a way that was... | ||
| Didn't make sense if you looked at the Warren Commission's findings. | ||
| You saw that video. | ||
| 1961. And who is this? | ||
| Dick Gregory. | ||
| Oh, Dick Gregory's first album? | ||
| Yeah, they've been giving a Grammy Award for it since 1959, and there's someone reading short stories in 1898. Oh, wow. | ||
| Short stories. | ||
| So that was probably the first actual comedy, 1898? | ||
| That's the first credited thing I could find. | ||
| And then 59, you said, was the first Grammy for it? | ||
| Grammy for it, yeah. | ||
| So, let's imagine... | ||
| The comedy album genre probably started around then. | ||
| If it's 59, it was probably before that. | ||
| How many of them were there? | ||
| It would be a technology thing, too. | ||
| Where would you play such a thing prior to having a radio? | ||
| Right. | ||
| Or a record player. | ||
| What would you sell, even? | ||
| How would you even know it was any good? | ||
| Maybe they came in on radio, just brought you into the station, and like, hey, just do some jokes. | ||
| That's how people were watching, quote-unquote, listening to television. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| So maybe they were doing that. | ||
| I mean, they used to do, that's how they did War of the Worlds. | ||
| Orson Welles read from a book like it was a news report. | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| This makes a lot of sense to the technology. | ||
| You could only record something short, like you maybe had five minutes of tape to record, so you had to squeeze it all in on that. | ||
| Oh yeah, that's right. | ||
| You could just tell a 25 minute story and like, there it is. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You couldn't even record it. | ||
| Some guy is sitting around with 37 five minute albums. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like... | |
| He said, who got the most albums? | ||
| No, it's me. | ||
| Got 37 five minutes. | ||
| If you think about the first stand-up comedy album, you're looking at probably the late 50s. | ||
| So Pryor, like we said, comes along in the 70s. | ||
| This shit was so new. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It was so new. | ||
| I mean, it's really new historically with us. | ||
| If you stop and think about here we are in 2021, it's only been around for fucking 70 years. | ||
| There haven't been, like, what other art form has been around for 70 years? | ||
| Damn! | ||
| So, our art forms, I think people confuse us too with the, what does this guy say? | ||
| No, y'all had to be around longer than that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What was the thing with the kings? | |
| Don't fucking do this. | ||
| Oh, jesters? | ||
| Yeah, jesters are not fucking comics. | ||
| He couldn't be sarcastic to the queen. | ||
| They were like YouTube stars. | ||
| I'm preparing to sit and stand up. | ||
| Get the fuck out of here. | ||
| Go do that in front of a live crowd that's going there to hear comedy. | ||
| Fuck off. | ||
| That is not comedy. | ||
| You don't know what you're doing. | ||
| I can't have that one more discussion about goddamn social media stars. | ||
| First of all, ma'am or sir, when you, ma'am or sir, that's a comedian, if you gotta say that you're a fucking internet sensation or internet comedian, that's the whole thing. | ||
| These are things that have came up since I've been. | ||
| I think there's levels to that. | ||
| I think some people do it really well, and it's valid that some people do it. | ||
| But because of the easy barrier to entry, anybody could be on the internet. | ||
| So all you have to do is get people to pay attention to you, and some of them are just really stupid. | ||
| Like, some of it is really dumb. | ||
| The difference between that and stand-up comedy is so gigantic, because stand-up comedy requires a live... | ||
| Involuntary response. | ||
| You say something like... | ||
| You have to be able to pull that out of somebody. | ||
| And that is not the same thing as just ranting on YouTube or these quick edit cuts where people do and you think you're a comedian? | ||
| You better call yourself a different thing. | ||
| Don't call yourself a stand-up comic. | ||
| You're not a stand-up comedian. | ||
| You're a person who does something different, but it might be comedic. | ||
| I don't know what it is, but it is definitely something different. | ||
| Yeah, it's not the same thing. | ||
| It's just not. | ||
| And people want to push that, that it's something that is the same, but it's not. | ||
| I've heard that argument. | ||
| It's ridiculous. | ||
| Go do it live in front of an audience that doesn't know who you are. | ||
| Go ahead. | ||
| If your audience... | ||
| Okay, I don't think... | ||
| Just because Jake the Snake performs in comedy clubs, I don't think that Jake the Snake thinks he's a comic. | ||
| Him, nor... | ||
| He's telling stories. | ||
| He's just doing them in a comedy club. | ||
| The Hodge twins are not comedy. | ||
| They're doing a different thing. | ||
| Bodybuilders. | ||
| If you had an audience, if your audience was built by anything other than doing stand-up and then you bring that audience to a comedy club doesn't make you a stand-up. | ||
| If you go to a crowd, they have no idea who you are, and you can go on stage and make these motherfuckers involuntarily laugh, then you're a stand-up comic. | ||
| The difference between these guys who developed this audience from YouTube and guys like us is we started out in open mic nights. | ||
| We started out as MCs. | ||
| We started out as middle acts. | ||
| We worked our way to become headliners. | ||
| We traveled all over the fucking country performing in all kinds of shitholes. | ||
| Just trying to figure out a way to make people laugh. | ||
| That is such a different animal. | ||
| It's just not the same art form. | ||
| Be in Pusan. | ||
| Be in Pusan. | ||
| And you gotta go make these people who are at... | ||
| Hey, look. | ||
| We have a company that's coming down. | ||
| They just came from, you know, in an intense... | ||
| What do you mean intense? | ||
| Like they just finished kind of battling a little bit. | ||
| Okay, I don't think they want to see Are you saying just, just? | ||
| Just, just. | ||
| It was just whizzing past their head. | ||
| And you in Pusan. | ||
| And it's so much stuff that goes with... | ||
| I think people don't understand how much we go through to get on stage and do what you do. | ||
| It's not all easy. | ||
| I'm in Pusan. | ||
| I know I got a show in like two hours. | ||
| But they have me staying in a hotel called La Hilton. | ||
| Not the Hilton. | ||
| The Hilton. | ||
| And it is a prostitute's hotel. | ||
| I know it is because my bed is shaped in a circle. | ||
| So I know damn well this ain't the norm. | ||
| And next to me is the dude who was with me got a comedian by the name of Dave Lawson. | ||
| It's my room. | ||
| Then the prostitute's room is Dave Lawson's room. | ||
| Dave keep calling my room talking about he sure getting his money worth ain't it? | ||
| I was like, yo man, I think we're here tonight and we're in Osan or something tomorrow. | ||
| So we're only in Pusan for one night. | ||
| So don't even worry about it. | ||
| Ali, we're like, it's almost five o'clock. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Isn't that crazy? | ||
| We've been talking for how long? | ||
| Four hours. | ||
| Isn't that wild? | ||
| How easy that just went? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Time just flew by. | ||
| I wouldn't even know. | ||
| I know. | ||
| I barely knew, too. | ||
| I was just looking down. | ||
| I was like, is that real? | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| I still had a backup mushroom question. | ||
| So it's these mushrooms that grow in my yard. | ||
| There's some huge mushrooms that grow in my yard. | ||
| I don't think you can eat them, though. | ||
| Yeah, you gotta be real careful about mushrooms. | ||
| Because some of them you can eat, and they're delicious, and some of them will fucking kill you. | ||
| Like, I don't know enough about mushrooms. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You'd have to talk to, like, Paul Stamets or some real mycologist who could tell you what's edible and what's not. | ||
| Yeah, because I'm going to buy this book called Foraging for Flavor. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| You just find stuff to eat. | ||
| You can find a lot of mushrooms to eat if you know what you're looking at, like Hen of the Woods or Morels. | ||
| There's a lot of mushrooms that are obvious. | ||
| You see them, like Chicken of the Woods is one. | ||
| You can find these mushrooms and you could look at a photo and go, oh, there it is. | ||
| And then you could pick it and eat it. | ||
| But then there's other ones that look real similar to edible mushrooms, but they'll fucking kill you. | ||
| Yeah, so I have to know that when you're gardening, I use a little manure sometimes in my soil. | ||
| And sometimes when I bring topsoil from somewhere else to level off something... | ||
| The next day, mushrooms springing up. | ||
| Take a picture. | ||
| Take a picture and put it on the internet. | ||
| People let you know. | ||
| I was like, hey, I don't know. | ||
| They might be the right ones. | ||
| If it's growing on manure, it might be the right ones. | ||
| It might be the ones that get you closer to Jesus. | ||
| The thing is, your eyes are like, I don't know. | ||
| Hey, man. | ||
| You can get them from people who know. | ||
| That's the best way. | ||
| I'm fortunate enough I know people who can get me the mushrooms that are the right ones. | ||
| I don't want to be picking and choosing and hoping, looking at it like, oh, it's kind of close. | ||
| It's two different. | ||
| I've figured out that it's two different ones. | ||
| It's the ones who take you somewhere. | ||
| Then it's the ones I've had that I've called a lot of people. | ||
| Just, hey, what's up? | ||
| Ali, it's 4.30 in the morning. | ||
| Yeah, I was thinking about you. | ||
| I want to talk to you about your life. | ||
| What the fuck you want to talk to me about my life for? | ||
| Thinking about your life, man. | ||
| Then there's other ones and I'm in there like, yo, I am really... | ||
| I ate some mushrooms. | ||
| I ate the mushrooms that Art gave me. | ||
| And it was just... | ||
| Yeah, Ari gets the real deal. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He does that shroom fest thing every year where he, like, for a whole week encourages everybody to do shrooms. | ||
| I need to fucking talk to Ari. | ||
| We haven't talked since fucking the Kobe shit and I didn't want to make any statement about it. | ||
| He did it again with Larry King. | ||
| He just did it again when Larry King died. | ||
| I didn't see. | ||
| He's out of his fucking mind. | ||
| This is the thing with Ari that It kind of showed me how people are. | ||
| So I get attacked by two different groups of people. | ||
| I have no idea what Ari has said. | ||
| I have fucking no clue. | ||
| I get at least 60 DMs because I'm on the show. | ||
| This is not happening. | ||
| People associate with me and so on. | ||
| Oh, this is what type of fucking racist you hanging out with. | ||
| You fucking sell out. | ||
| I'm like... | ||
| You woke up. | ||
| I have no idea what's going on. | ||
| Do you even know Kobe's dead? | ||
| I know Kobe's dead, but I have no idea what fucking Ari said. | ||
| At all. | ||
| Because my thing ain't even about Kobe. | ||
| I'm so emotionally distraught because his daughter was on that plane and other children was on there. | ||
| I'm like, damn, his fucking daughter's on there. | ||
| And... | ||
| I'm like, how did I become a sellout? | ||
| Because I don't even know what you're talking. | ||
| I'm like, yo, man, I don't know the fuck you're talking about. | ||
| Now I'm getting aggressive. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yo, you and your fucking friend, Ari. | |
| Huh? | ||
| So then boom, boom, boom. | ||
| Other messages. | ||
| Ari this, Ari that. | ||
| You fucking... | ||
| And then this is when people get weird. | ||
| What do you want me to do? | ||
| I'm going to go on shows that are with other people. | ||
| So now I'm fucking selling out the black race because somebody said something that I actually have no idea. | ||
| But the only thing that this is taking me to is when Don Imus said what he said about basketball. | ||
| They called him Nappy Head. | ||
| And D.L. Defended that he had the right to say whatever he wanted to say. | ||
| It doesn't make it right what he said, but he had the right to say it. | ||
| So I was on the road when they were protesting DL. I was on the road with DL at that time. | ||
| So I'm like, okay, this is finna be this type shit. | ||
| I'm already like lined up in it. | ||
| So I get all these messages. | ||
| Now I find out what Ari said. | ||
| I'm like, oh, it's fucked up. | ||
| Me and Ari got the same management. | ||
| At the time, I'm on the show with Ari. | ||
| I got an album. | ||
| This is not having an album with Ari. | ||
| Okay, so I'm going through all this. | ||
| And maybe weeks later, I do an interview with Comedy Hype. | ||
| So on this comment, and in my mind, I am prepared for him to ask me this question about how do I feel about what Ari said. | ||
| I'm trying to avoid it at all costs. | ||
| Going around here. | ||
| And then I fuck up and start telling the story. | ||
| That's from This Is Not Happening. | ||
| And the dude brought it up. | ||
| He said, oh, the story from This Is Not Happening. | ||
| I was like, yeah. | ||
| And then I started trying to talk. | ||
| He said, so how do you feel about what Ari said? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Shit. | |
| Tried to shake this one. | ||
| I simply said... | ||
| I actually didn't know what Ari said at first, but I don't think it was said in a manner where he thought about it. | ||
| I think it was mean-spirited because of the fact that he can't get what he deserved because it's other people that was on the helicopter that didn't get what they deserved. | ||
| That's how you play in this. | ||
| Because his daughter was on there, his other family members was on there. | ||
| So I probably wouldn't have said it because it was a mean spirit. | ||
| I said it's a quote the same thing as when Kennedy got killed and Malcolm said chickens come home to roost. | ||
| Bad timing. | ||
| That comes out the next day flooded with people saying how could you do Ari like that? | ||
| He fucking supported your career. | ||
| And now I'm on the defense of... | ||
| Wait a minute. | ||
| I was on a show. | ||
| Didn't nobody start my career. | ||
| I was already doing what I was doing. | ||
| I was on the show. | ||
| I appreciated being on the show. | ||
| But what the fuck are you talking about now? | ||
| I said what I said. | ||
| I said even if it was my brother and my brother said something fucked up, I would have said, well, my brother said this like this and da-da-da. | ||
| I would have made... | ||
| I said I can't defend both ends of this. | ||
| And I don't think me and Ari has spoken since then because I wanted him to understand. | ||
| I wasn't saying it's a mean spirit. | ||
| I wasn't saying it's a mean spirit. | ||
| I am being... | ||
| Bombarded from both sides of this shit. | ||
| And I hadn't said shit. | ||
| I didn't say shit about Kobe. | ||
| I didn't even know what you said. | ||
| This ain't even my fucking sentence. | ||
| People are so emotional at that time, right? | ||
| They're up in arms and they're just looking for any target. | ||
| They're looking to attack in any way they can. | ||
| Ari has this thing that he does whenever anybody dies. | ||
| It doesn't matter if he loves them or hates them. | ||
| He shits on them. | ||
| And he thinks it's funny. | ||
| He's crazy. | ||
| I love Ari, but he's out of his fucking mind. | ||
| And he thinks it's funny to shit on them. | ||
| And he also loves when people get angry. | ||
| But he didn't understand the kind of hornet's nest that he stirred up when he did that with Kobe. | ||
| He got death threats. | ||
| He got doxxed. | ||
| I think he lost his management. | ||
| I think he lost his agent. | ||
| I think he lost everything. | ||
| It was not good. | ||
| And he realized it was not good. | ||
| He tried to explain himself without apologizing. | ||
| He tried to explain himself in a way where, listen, I like to tear down idols. | ||
| I like to attack people that everybody loves and do it in a way whenever anybody dies. | ||
| And so he does it every time someone dies. | ||
| I thought he was done. | ||
| I thought, learn your fucking lesson. | ||
| Larry King just died. | ||
| And he makes this fucking long tweet about him being a Nazi sympathizer and all kinds of crazy shit. | ||
| He's just, he's out of his fucking mind. | ||
| But he's always been out of his fucking mind. | ||
| And it's great and it's bad. | ||
| It's great with some things. | ||
| I mean, it makes his comedy hilarious because it's ridiculous. | ||
| But it's also, you know, you're opening yourself up to unnecessary hate. | ||
| And you're causing people... | ||
| To feel, like what you were saying, his daughter's on that plane. | ||
| Other people's children are on that plane. | ||
| It's a tragedy. | ||
| It is just a tragedy. | ||
| There's no ifs, ands, or buts about it. | ||
| You know, there was other people that commented that said, you know, he was both a great basketball player and a rapist. | ||
| This is not the time for that. | ||
| Like, to chime in and just virtue signal and try to get some sort of a reaction from the woke left because you're stepping up and talking about a guy who died with his fucking daughter on a plane because he was taking her to a game because he loved her because he wanted to be a good father and they took other families that were there that were gonna go to the game as well and they all died it's nothing but a tragedy it's not an opportunity for you to show everybody how woke you are But | ||
| for Ari, you have to understand that's what he does when anybody dies. | ||
| He did it when Ralphie died. | ||
| He loved Ralphie. | ||
| He'll do it when I die. | ||
| I'm sure if he's alive, I'll probably die after him. | ||
| But if I don't, he's going to do it when I die, too. | ||
| It's what he does. | ||
| And he thinks it's fun. | ||
| And it's fun as long as it's someone like Larry King that no one gives a fuck about. | ||
| Not that no one gives a fuck about Larry King, but no one gives a fuck when you do that. | ||
| Like, no one got mad at him for doing that about Larry King. | ||
| It received nothing. | ||
| Even though people love Larry King. | ||
| I love Larry King. | ||
| I met Larry King a couple times. | ||
| He's a very nice guy. | ||
| I didn't get offended when I saw him say that. | ||
| I was just like, fucking Ari. | ||
| He's so crazy. | ||
| And... | ||
| When I was like, I had nothing... | ||
| It's not your fault. | ||
| But, you know, over time, people recognize it's not your fault. | ||
| Over time, you know, people were mad at me. | ||
| Fuck your friend, Ori. | ||
| I'm like, I didn't do it. | ||
| I didn't do it. | ||
| I wouldn't do it. | ||
| You know, it's not my thing. | ||
| Are y'all fucking calling Felicia Rashard a cockroach? | ||
| Talking about Cosby? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I was saying all the time about wild shit. | |
| I was like, yo, I ain't had shit to do. | ||
| It's a part of the problem being on the internet, man. | ||
| Whenever something happens, you either have to have an opinion about something, or you get attacked for something by people where what they're saying doesn't make sense, and then you have to defend some shit that doesn't make sense, and you're like, what? | ||
| That's not what I said! | ||
| Like, ah, fuck. | ||
| And then you can either get wrapped up in it, or just stay off. | ||
| I don't read any comments anymore, and I haven't for more than a year. | ||
| That's why I stopped. | ||
| My friend called me and said, yo, let me tell you when I know you was fucking losing your goddamn mind. | ||
| I said, why? | ||
| When you compare it to my... | ||
| Me and Ari are not fucking Gooden and fucking Darryl Strawberry. | ||
| We're not doing goddamn cocaine together and going to teams. | ||
| Like, this is why I know you was fucking losing it. | ||
| Because you just, you was comparing shit that ain't make no sense. | ||
| Think about what it's like when you get in an argument with one person. | ||
| Like, you and one person are at odds with each other. | ||
| You try to figure out who's right. | ||
| Am I right? | ||
| Or am I just angry? | ||
| Am I just trying to win this argument? | ||
| Am I right? | ||
| But now, imagine this. | ||
| 5,000 people. | ||
| You can't do it. | ||
| It's not how people are designed. | ||
| You're not designed to... | ||
| And you don't even know them. | ||
| They could be that dude with the fucking moose antlers on his head with the suit with no shirt on. | ||
| That could be the guy on the other end of the phone. | ||
| You don't know who they are. | ||
| I'm actually arguing with Q. I have no idea if this is fucking Q. You have no idea. | ||
| Arguing with people on the internet is not wise. | ||
| Because it's going to always be somebody else. | ||
| You write Jazzy Black. | ||
| He ain't shit. | ||
| Fuck you too! | ||
| Alexis Smith and Jackson! | ||
| Now you just argue with everybody. | ||
| Listen, man, I'm gonna piss my pants if we don't get out of here. | ||
| I drank too much coffee and water. | ||
| We're a little bit after 5 o'clock. | ||
| I had a great fucking time, man. | ||
| Thank you very much. | ||
| I really appreciate you. | ||
| Thank you very much for being here, man. | ||
| Thank you for having me, brother. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Thank you. | |
| It was awesome. | ||
| We gotta do this again. | ||
| We're local. | ||
| Basically, you're in Texas. | ||
| I'm right up the street. | ||
| Anytime. | ||
| I'm right up the street. | ||
| If they fire you from that radio job, you're gonna have plenty of time, too. | ||
| Get a fucking podcast going, man. | ||
| I know he's gonna get fired when he was on Rogan. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't like what I'm eating. | |
| Alright, let's wrap it up. | ||
| Thank you, brother. | ||
| Tell everybody how to get a hold of you on social media and what your pages are and everything like that. | ||
| Depends on what you're... | ||
| If you are... | ||
| No, I'm Ali Sadiq on all major platforms. | ||
| A-L-I-S-I-D-D-I-Q. I'm in Tampa this weekend for the Super Bowl. | ||
| I'm in Cleveland next weekend for Valentine's. | ||
| You know, that's how people get in there. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| Thank you, brother. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Appreciate you. |
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