Jan. 13, 2021 - The Joe Rogan Experience
03:49:14
| 
| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
|
unidentified
|
The Joe Rogan Experience. | |
| Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day Oh, hello guys Hello, Joe Rogan Good to see you. | ||
| Nice to have you in Texas. | ||
| Yeah, this is nice. | ||
| I'm trying to work on being a better New Yorker by not comparing everything the first day to New York. | ||
| That's how New Yorkers are. | ||
| Every time you go to a new city, you're like, ah, this is like the Brooklyn of, this is like the Queens of, this is like the Brooklyn Bridge of. | ||
| Yeah, this is a different animal down here. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's like hipsters who have guns. | ||
| I like it. | ||
| That's a good way of putting it. | ||
| Hipsters with concealed carry permits. | ||
| Yeah, I hung out last night with one of the dudes from the Drinking Bros podcast. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| And yeah, he was like, I'm gonna walk home in the park. | ||
| And then he made a joke. | ||
| He was like, yeah, if anyone talks to me, I'll just shoot him. | ||
| And he was like, don't worry, I haven't killed anyone stateside. | ||
| I was like, he means that shit. | ||
| I went to Terry's, too. | ||
| Terry Black's? | ||
| Yeah, Terry Black's barbecue. | ||
| That was the best brisket I've ever had in my entire life. | ||
| Yeah, people say that, oh, you've got to go to this place. | ||
| I'm like, no, I don't. | ||
| If barbecue is better than that, I don't want it. | ||
| I don't know how you can get better. | ||
| I mean, I don't want to ruin my life. | ||
| If barbecue's better than that, I don't know how I'm going to eat anything else. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It was the best I've ever had, and they were telling me it's the fourth best. | ||
| Who says that? | ||
| That's what they were saying. | ||
| They were going, like, you got to go to this other... | ||
| Yeah, they always do that here, though. | ||
| You got to go to Franklin's because you got to wait in line. | ||
| I've had Franklin's. | ||
| It's fucking amazing. | ||
| It's really good. | ||
| It's not that much different. | ||
| I mean, it's just all great. | ||
| The brisket at Terry Black's is fucking insane. | ||
| They slice it. | ||
| It's sopping wet. | ||
| The juices are pouring out of it. | ||
| You eat it. | ||
| It's melting in your mouth. | ||
| You don't need any teeth to chew it. | ||
| Yeah, it's tender, yeah. | ||
| Like, what the fuck is better than this? | ||
| How does it get better? | ||
| Yeah, you can feed it to a baby, you'll go down. | ||
| Yeah, you don't need teeth. | ||
| Just throw it in the gums and it melts. | ||
| It's so good. | ||
| And did you have their beef ribs? | ||
| No, we had the sausage with the cheese in it. | ||
| Oh, that's good. | ||
| Yeah, that was real good. | ||
| Jalapeno cheddar. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Bro, the beef ribs, you pick up the rib and you try to hold the rib up and it just slides off the rib and slops onto the plate. | ||
| Oh, that's nice, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh! | |
| It was so good. | ||
| They gave me a tour of the smokers. | ||
| They have someone make their own smokers out of propane tanks. | ||
| So there's these giant propane tank smokers. | ||
| It's next level down. | ||
| Austin, you could tell, is kind of like the way Brooklyn was when it started. | ||
| You're doing it. | ||
| I'm doing it right now. | ||
| I just fucking did it. | ||
| I'm like retarded New York. | ||
| We think we're better than everyone and it's just all bravado. | ||
| We can't do anything except you take us out of New York and we're like, where am I? Where's the bodega? | ||
| Where can I get a slice? | ||
|
unidentified
|
We can't. | |
| But at its best, New York is the ultimate city. | ||
| At its best, it's the ultimate place. | ||
| It really is. | ||
| It's jammed with people. | ||
| There's a million different flavors. | ||
| There's all kinds of different restaurants and neighborhoods, and it's a legitimate melting pot where you get on the subway, there's millionaires next to homeless people, and everybody's together, and everybody walks down the street together. | ||
| And that is one thing that separates it and makes it superior to Los Angeles. | ||
| Los Angeles is isolated. | ||
| Everyone's isolated in their little community, isolated in their car, they drive to a place, they give their key to a valet, they don't mingle as much. | ||
| In New York, people are out there, they're mingling. | ||
| It's true. | ||
| I went to school in D.C. and that was the first time I left New York and I realized how segregated That city was. | ||
| And in New York, people are forced to interact with each other just because it's a walking city. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And so you got to take the train. | ||
| I mean, you're crazy to try to drive across town. | ||
| It'll take you longer to go across town than it will to, like, go to another state. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| So it's like, yeah, you're forced to mingle and see. | ||
| And it is a universe crammed into one. | ||
| It is kind of unique that way, where you kind of actually meet a Peruvian person or, like, someone who's half from Bolivia, half Peru. | ||
| You go to other places, it's like Mexicans, you know? | ||
| New York, you learn about countries you didn't even know existed. | ||
| You're from Uganda? | ||
| Alright, that's a country. | ||
| And you can go to Chinatown and you might as well be in Asia. | ||
| You will get legit Chinese food at 2 o'clock in the morning. | ||
| They got a fish tank. | ||
| They'll scoop the fish out and kill it in front of you. | ||
| Cook it as fresh as it can be. | ||
| It's an amazing place when it's at its best. | ||
| My worry is that it's not going to be that place again. | ||
| It's not right now. | ||
| I mean... | ||
| I was about to say that you ever go to Chinatown in the summer? | ||
| It gets hot. | ||
| It gets weird. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You wish you'd lose your smell from COVID during that. | |
| I mean, that shit stinks. | ||
| It's like New York's asshole. | ||
| Well, I remember in New York when the garbage workers were on strike. | ||
| And I was in Harlem. | ||
| I was in Harlem because a friend of mine who was a professional pool player was going there to meet this guy who was a pimp, who was also a pool hustler, and he would bet high. | ||
| And so we went to this pool hall in Harlem. | ||
| And dude, I'm not exaggerating by saying the garbage was stacked seven feet high, and there was rats running all over the place, because no one had picked up the garbage. | ||
| So people would go outside, put a bag of garbage, go back inside, and the garbage would just keep stacking. | ||
| And for, I don't know how long the strike lasted, but for as long as it lasted, it was bizarre. | ||
| Like, you'd be like, Jesus, that's a rat. | ||
| That's another rat! | ||
| Like, how many fucking rats are here? | ||
| There was so many rats. | ||
| I would think that they would go and strike more because they have such leverage Oh, yeah. | ||
| Like, they could just be like, alright, you know, you want this city to stink worse? | ||
| The problem is, it's a good job and other people will jump in. | ||
| Yeah, that's true. | ||
| But then that's when you got to do the picket line and break people's heads and go old school, you know? | ||
| You got to unionize and... | ||
| How much does a garbage worker get paid? | ||
| They get paid because nobody wants to do that. | ||
| You have to be strong. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You got to have a high tolerance for... | ||
| Smell. | ||
| Smell, yeah. | ||
| I bet your immune system gets fucking pumped up, though. | ||
| That's the one thing about being a New Yorker. | ||
| Like, that's why I was surprised I got so sick with COVID because I was like, I've been... | ||
| Eating rat piss for a year. | ||
| Every time you order out, there's like a little rat piss on it. | ||
| A little rat shit and a little rat piss. | ||
| Cheers, by the way. | ||
| Thank you for giving me a stick. | ||
| You are a fantastic follow on Twitter. | ||
| You're hilarious, but I worry about your mental health. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, me too. | |
| Because you tweet so much, I'm like, Sean, this is really funny, and I don't want to tell him to stop doing this, but goddamn, this is not good, because I know he's probably reading replies and... | ||
| Yeah, I got that thing where I don't, it doesn't seem like I'm, it seems like a lot of us get infected by that, where we just, we start, we see the reply and we're like, motherfucker! | ||
| No, fuck you! | ||
| No, fuck you! | ||
| And then you're going, what am I doing? | ||
| And, you know, in the beginning of a comic's career, in particular, it's a crucial tool because people can see your funny writing, they can see your perspectives, but there's a lot of people that I follow, especially during COVID, I can watch their descent into madness. | ||
| And I watched him arguing with people about shit and yelling and being really uncivil. | ||
| And I'm like, God damn. | ||
| I know you. | ||
| You're not this guy. | ||
| What are you doing? | ||
| You want to go hug him? | ||
| Yeah, it's a negative, evil place. | ||
| And actually, I think the first time we communicated, I jumped in when you were arguing with some woke chick who was just trying to get you. | ||
| And I just started like... | ||
| Asking her questions and then you'd like personally message and you're like, hey, man, thanks for having my back. | ||
| So you see you it was that was positive reinforcement You should have told me you should be like, hey, man, you shouldn't you shouldn't have done that. | ||
| It was years ago. | ||
| It was before I swore off. | ||
| Yeah, you did the right thing. | ||
| It's had to I got untenable for me It's like and also I realized like I'm not getting anything. | ||
| I'm just honest with myself. | ||
| I'm not getting any I don't get anything out of this. | ||
| I'm not getting any progress, like with my head. | ||
| You just slide. | ||
| I never come out of those feeling good, even if I trample somebody. | ||
| I never feel like, yeah, that was worth doing. | ||
| It's always like, why did I do that? | ||
| I don't even want to do that. | ||
| I don't even want to trample somebody. | ||
| I want to find them and talk to them one-on-one, and I guarantee we would have a reasonable discussion. | ||
| It's just the worst way to communicate with people. | ||
| I remember once I was like doing some one-nighter and I was pulling over on the side of the road to finish an argument and I was like this. | ||
| I was just actually pulling over on a highway to be like, wait a second. | ||
| I just thought of a good point. | ||
| Let me get this guy I don't know about who's probably like gonna not get it. | ||
| And yeah, that's when I knew I had a problem. | ||
| That's why I love your show because it's like It's the opposite of Twitter. | ||
| It's like the total opposite of these pithy little, wait, fuck, ad tweet, ad tweet, fuck, I gotta take the the out to make my point. | ||
| This is like, you get to really express yourself, get to know somebody, that's what's great about it. | ||
| Yeah, that's what's great about podcasts. | ||
| And ironically enough, podcasts probably inspire the most hate tweets ever. | ||
| Because people aren't in this room, and then they're hearing some of the things you say, or I say, or one of the guests says, and they're like, no, fuck you! | ||
| And they tweet it. | ||
| If you don't read it, it doesn't affect you. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But also, another reason I love this show is I always just, I always wondered, like, when I would watch a late night show, I'd be like, why the fuck do I care about what Gail Gadot has to say about anything? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Gal, it's Gal. | |
| I don't even fuck, you know. | ||
|
unidentified
|
She's Wonder Woman. | |
| She's hot, yeah, but I mean, like, she's an actress. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| What interesting thing could she say besides me looking at her... | ||
| Wanting her, the same reason why she's famous, you know, like I'd rather hear from an astrophysicist or a fucking astronaut or, you know, Elon Musk. | ||
| I mean, it's the only show that has me on and Elon Musk. | ||
| I was talking to Jamie, I was like, you're probably getting like calls from big publicists like, hey, we want to have Matt Damon on. | ||
| You're like, no, we got to have this small, crazy comedian from New York. | ||
| I would have Matt Damon on. | ||
| I like Matt Damon a lot. | ||
| Yeah, he's a cool dude. | ||
| I like him a lot. | ||
| But he's an interesting guy that happens to be an actor. | ||
| I had Matthew McConaughey on. | ||
| He's one of the most interesting people I talked to. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's a fascinating guy who happens to be an actor. | ||
| There's a lot of people that happen to be actors, and maybe Gal Gadot is one of them. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't think so, but I might be wrong. | ||
| We shit on her hard, me and Tom Segura, when they released that Imagine video. | ||
| Oh, that was the best. | ||
| I felt bad. | ||
| We went hard. | ||
| Nobody cares about America more than actors in Hollywood. | ||
| They're such patriots, don't they? | ||
| Well, you know what it was we were talking about? | ||
| It's like they just didn't have any attention for a long time because of COVID. Everything was locked down. | ||
| There was no movies. | ||
| There was no interviews. | ||
| So they needed something to get their name out there. | ||
| So they attached themselves to that. | ||
| And then there was another one that they did, the black and white one where they were talking about race. | ||
| Yeah, that was a good one. | ||
| That was the dumbest one ever. | ||
| I will no longer tolerate it. | ||
| It's like, what are you tolerating now? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What was happening in your life before that you were just letting slide? | |
| What were you doing? | ||
| How bad were you being? | ||
| I love how they made it black and white. | ||
| I would love to be there during that medium where they watched it and they were like, no, no, no, it's not earnest enough. | ||
| It's probably Stanley Tucci. | ||
| We have to make this black and white. | ||
| It's got to be black and white. | ||
| You've got to make it look indie. | ||
| Low budget. | ||
| The problem is when a really good actor that you really respect and enjoy does that, anytime you see them in the future, you're going to think about that video and you're going to go like, you silly person. | ||
| You are silly. | ||
| You're a silly goose. | ||
| Speaking of silly gooses, we're talking about Tim Dillon and his battle with Airbnb. | ||
| So, Tim Dillon, who does a lot of renting with Airbnb, apparently left some dishes. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| Just left some dirty dishes. | ||
| That's his side of the story. | ||
| We don't know what he was coming on, who he had over, yeah. | ||
| Good point. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't think that was the complaint, though. | ||
| No, I'm just saying. | ||
| The real issue was not even just that, that he left dishes behind, which you shouldn't. | ||
| You're supposed to clean the dishes. | ||
| That's on Tim. | ||
| But then afterwards, he did a long podcast where I believe he said their names and made reference to their sexual orientation, which he's allowed to do being a gay man. | ||
| He's a gay guy. | ||
| But he doesn't seem like a gay guy. | ||
| Yes, no. | ||
| So it throws a lot of people off. | ||
| He kind of comes off as like he was molested gay. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He was straight and then they got to him. | ||
| He comes off as a fucking Republican from Long Island. | ||
| That's what he comes off as. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He is that. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| He's down the middle. | ||
| He just is this true comedian and he goes after everybody. | ||
| But he'll tell you when he was younger, he would be sitting in his car listening to Rush Lomba like, fucking, yeah, we got to honor our contract with the people of Iraq. | ||
| He'll tell you that. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Long Island, my wife is from Long Island. | ||
| I mean, you know, everyone of her family, they're all Trump. | ||
| I mean, Long Island's its own country. | ||
| It is. | ||
| It's nine million people back there in like Brooklyn's ass. | ||
| And it's like they're their own country. | ||
| They don't go anywhere else. | ||
| They don't leave. | ||
| They watch a TV and they just, yeah, they don't even watch Fox now. | ||
| That's like CNN. That's like, they like George Soros bought that. | ||
| We're watching this QAnon network now. | ||
| The OAN network. | ||
| Dude, New York is closed down. | ||
| Like, New York's closed down. | ||
| Fucking Long Island is wide open. | ||
| Is it really? | ||
| Why? | ||
| You could go to a restaurant where people aren't wearing masks. | ||
| It's nuts. | ||
| Are they allowed to? | ||
| Or are they just doing it under the radar? | ||
| I think Long Island just kind of goes like, fuck you, you know? | ||
| Fucking Long Island. | ||
| Yeah, we're going out. | ||
| Fucking Long Island. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Fucking these cucks. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| Yeah, I always enjoyed working on Long Island and then in the 80s, or I guess it was the 90s actually when I came to New York, there was this weird sort of superiority complex that people had about New York City. | ||
| Like you either worked the city or you were a hack. | ||
| And I was always like, God damn, I guess I'm a hack, because I need to do the road. | ||
| That's where you make money. | ||
| I would work the city, and I would do gigs in the city, and I'd make like $15 for a 15-minute set. | ||
| And I was like, okay, how many of these do I have to do to pay my fucking rent? | ||
| I don't remember if it was $15, but I remember Dangerfields was slightly more, so I did Dangerfields. | ||
| But when you did Dangerfields, they didn't count it. | ||
| Like, that's not really the city. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's right! | |
| It's in the fucking city! | ||
| What are you talking about? | ||
| It was the city in 1977. They should put that in the address. | ||
| Like, we're on First Avenue in 1983. Great club, though. | ||
| It's closed, unfortunately, but... | ||
| It went under from COVID? It went under, yeah. | ||
| Are they planning on reopening? | ||
| I heard they were. | ||
| I hope so. | ||
| I hope so. | ||
| You know, it was a great place, but, you know, yeah, when you go to work, Dangerfields, they would, like, you'd have to... | ||
| You know, because, yeah, like you said, in New York, you're running around doing sets. | ||
| And, like, lately, when I would go there, like, once in the blue moon, or you're like, let me just fill this spot, they would pay you in check. | ||
| So you'd have to wait, but they would write it. | ||
| They wouldn't have it for you. | ||
| So you do your set, and then you're just waiting for your check by the bar, and you've got to run to another set, and you're just waiting for the check-in. | ||
| There's a few times I was just like, you know what? | ||
| Fucking keep the $25. | ||
| I would do Dangerfields just for their cheeseburgers. | ||
| They had the best fucking cheeseburgers. | ||
| They would have like ground steak cheeseburgers. | ||
| I mean, they were phenomenal. | ||
| They were so good. | ||
| It was like literally the best cheeseburger in New York City was at Dangerfields, at least in the 90s. | ||
| Yeah, not anymore. | ||
| I don't even think they have a kitchen anymore. | ||
| I don't think they were doing food for a while, yeah. | ||
| Oh, the burgers were so good. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, everyone knew. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Everyone knew. | ||
| You go to Dangerfield's, get a cheeseburger. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Did you ever, you know, Charo, the waiter, he was a Greek guy from Cyprus? | ||
| He was still there? | ||
| He died. | ||
| I think he died just recently. | ||
| But he's still there. | ||
| there. | ||
| He was still there till before COVID. | ||
| He's a guy, he always comes over and just tells you the most racist joke. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He goes, and he says it with the Greek guy. | |
| How do you get a one-armed bollock out of a tree? | ||
| He's like, wave, and then he laughs to himself. | ||
| He's like an 80-year-old Greek guy. | ||
| Did you ever meet Scotty? | ||
| Scotty was the power lifter guy who was the doorman? | ||
| Not there anymore, yeah. | ||
| Scotty used to make his own weights. | ||
| He used to fill like a bucket, like one of these, you know, those big white plastic buckets, fill it up with cement. | ||
| And he would lift them. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| He would put like a pole in between them and do like, he was a tank of a man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I remember one time during like some extra rowdy show, might have been one of those prom shows, I'm not really sure, but I remember he picked a guy up by his neck. | ||
| He grabbed the guy, grabbed him by the back of the neck, and put a hand on his belt buckle, or on his belt, rather, and hoisted him in the air, and was carrying the guy out, and the guy was like, Jesus! | ||
| Yeah, I mean, he had, like, real work strength. | ||
| Yeah, he was built like a barrel. | ||
| Like, he wasn't built like a bodybuilder. | ||
| He was like a barrel, and he would always shit on you, no matter how, but in a fun way. | ||
| Like, no matter how good your set was, he goes, oh, you tricked him again with that fucking shite act of yours. | ||
| He would always keep you in check. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Good guy. | ||
| I really missed that kind of shit on you humor when I came to LA. Where LA, everyone was like extra nice to you for no reason. | ||
| They were like fake nice. | ||
| And in New York, they would shit on you. | ||
| It was like a fun thing. | ||
| They would shit on you with a smile. | ||
| And you felt good about it. | ||
| It was a warm shit. | ||
| And comics would do it ruthlessly to each other. | ||
| When I came to LA, no one was doing that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's a weird thing when you're from New York. | ||
| That's how you communicate with your friends, kind of. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes! | |
| You grow up. | ||
| I mean, Boston takes it to another level where it's like, the ball breaking is like... | ||
| They get a little too mean. | ||
| They go, mean, yeah. | ||
| I mean, I did Laugh Boston once. | ||
| This guy came up to me afterwards and he was like, the first thing he said to me was that I needed to change my outfit. | ||
| And he was like, you dress too good for here. | ||
| Yeah, he was like, yeah, you know, fucking you sneak it. | ||
| He was just a critique. | ||
| They're just aggressive. | ||
| They're a little too aggressive. | ||
| They're a little too aggressive, yeah. | ||
| Well, it was one of the rare places where people would still have street fights every night. | ||
| And they wouldn't pull weapons. | ||
| Like, I remember when we were in Faneuil Hall, when the Comedy Connection was in Faneuil Hall, I went there with Chris McGuire. | ||
| And we went to McDonald's afterwards. | ||
| We were walking across the street and we saw a fucking giant brawl happen right in front of McDonald's. | ||
| And Chris and I were like, you know, there's something cool about this place. | ||
| It's the last place where people actually fight. | ||
| They're not shooting each other. | ||
| They're not stabbing each other. | ||
| They just agree. | ||
| They just agree to fisticuffs. | ||
| Yeah, there's something nice about that. | ||
| That's like Manchester, like in England. | ||
| Do you ever go to Manchester? | ||
| Oh, yes! | ||
| I mean, they just fight. | ||
| They look for fights. | ||
| That's where Michael Bisping's from, I believe. | ||
| I believe he's from Manchester. | ||
| Yeah, that's a fucking fist of cups town. | ||
| And then there's like, those guys just can't handle their liquor. | ||
| Like nighttime, there's just piles of vomit everywhere. | ||
| You gotta like avoid them like a speed skater. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like... | |
| They just love to fight and drink, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, England's an interesting place. | ||
| It's a fun place to do stand-up. | ||
| They really love stand-up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's interesting because they are brawlers in a lot of ways, but they're also polite. | ||
| American stand-up never really... | ||
| It happened in England the same way. | ||
| Their stand-up style is very different. | ||
| It's more like performance. | ||
| You look at their history, they have a deeper appreciation for live performance than we do because they go back to the land of Shakespeare, Chaucer. | ||
| And that's why actors, when they make those videos, I yearn for the days where you just We worship the writer. | ||
| What do you do? | ||
| You're reading his lines? | ||
| And I'm worshiping you because your face is nice? | ||
| Well, there's levels to it, right? | ||
| There's a Daniel Day-Lewis level. | ||
| He's on it alone. | ||
| You could actually probably call it the Daniel Day-Lewis level, like Michael Jordan of, the Daniel Day-Lewis of. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Love that. | |
| He goes to make shoes in Italy when he's off. | ||
| Well, that's what he's doing now only. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's a cobbler, I believe. | ||
| I believe he's completely retired from acting. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Which is so strange. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But when you watch There Will Be Blood, who can do that? | ||
| Just Daniel Davis. | ||
| There's one or two other people out there. | ||
| Christian Bale's capable of it. | ||
| He can hit some crazy highs. | ||
| And he's one of those guys that fucks his body up, too. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He took years off of his life for a terrible movie. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The Machinist? | ||
| The Machinist, yeah. | ||
| It was a terrible movie. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And the guy almost died. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, his main focus was almost dying. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So he could fit the part of a guy with severe insomnia that never slept and never ate. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, he's dedicated. | ||
| He's an artist. | ||
| Gary Oldman, another one. | ||
| Another one, yeah. | ||
| He doesn't get the credit he deserves, but like... | ||
| Well, because he did some whack movies later. | ||
| I think after a while he's like, I'm tired of this. | ||
| I'm just going to do some whack movies. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, you remember when, you know who did that? | ||
| De Niro. | ||
| De Niro did some stupid, like, he did a Narnia movie where, like, it was with him and, was it Sharon Stone in him? | ||
| They were in some terrible fantasy movie. | ||
| I forget what movie it was, but I'm like, oh, De Niro is just getting paid. | ||
| And then later on, before he got divorced, he was in an argument in a restaurant. | ||
| It was a very public spat with his wife. | ||
| And he said, well, if you didn't spend all my fucking money, I wouldn't have to do these shit movies. | ||
| Yeah, I love what you hear about those because, you know, he's got to live his whole life being De Niro. | ||
| Like when he's out, he knows people are looking. | ||
| He's always got to be in control. | ||
| And if anyone's going to set him off where he's going to have a moment that's not, you know, it's not kind of controlled by PR, it's like your wife, you know? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Especially if she really is spending all of his money forcing him to do these shit movies. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Dude, yeah. | |
| If I'm going to divorce my wife, I don't know where my career is going. | ||
| It's probably going nowhere. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| But I think about it. | ||
| If this gets bigger, I should divorce her now. | ||
| When we get in an argument, I threaten divorce all the time. | ||
| Do you really? | ||
| I go right to it. | ||
| I'm a hardliner. | ||
| I'll be like, look, I could leave. | ||
| But then, like, if things start going good, you gotta start thinking about that, like, strategically. | ||
| Yeah, you gotta be careful with that kind of, like, elevation. | ||
| Because you do that because you're comfortable with each other. | ||
| I don't do that with my wife. | ||
| We don't get in those kind of conversations. | ||
| Well, that's because you're a better person than me. | ||
| Yeah, I'm trying. | ||
| I'm working on it. | ||
| No, I'm just worried the dark part is gonna come out. | ||
| I don't, like, if you start, like... | ||
| If you start arguing and getting mean with each other, the problem is they're going to get mean with you, and then it's going to escalate, and where's it going to go? | ||
| Well, I'm a burn-it-all-to-the-ground guy. | ||
| Me too, yeah. | ||
| I can't... | ||
| You follow me on Twitter, so you know about this. | ||
| I don't want to go there with my wife. | ||
| I'm never going to go there with her. | ||
| I won't go. | ||
| Even if she ever divorces me, I will be nice to her until the day I die. | ||
| It's the way to go. | ||
| And I'm getting better. | ||
| Like, now that I have a baby, it's like... | ||
| Yeah, that's the thing, man. | ||
| Well, the thing is the babies, right? | ||
| And that's the thing is, like, you know... | ||
| Like... | ||
| I was never really into the idea of marriage. | ||
| Relationships are great, but if you boil down marriage logically, my problem was it's really a contract with the state. | ||
| It's a legal contract with some people that you don't know, and they're going to come in and... | ||
| And they're going to decide who's right and who's wrong. | ||
| You're going to get some strangers that are going to decide where your money gets split up or how things go. | ||
| And then you're going to bring in lawyers and they're going to take a piece of the pie. | ||
| And it's their business to extract money. | ||
| And I have very close friends that have been through horrendous divorces. | ||
| One of them who is still paying his ex-wife 14 years after he's been... | ||
| They don't have kids. | ||
| He deserved it. | ||
| He's a man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Is he white? | ||
| Yeah, he's white. | ||
| He deserves it. | ||
| Yes, and he's rich. | ||
| So he really deserves it. | ||
| He's been married to a new woman for 12 years. | ||
| So he's literally been divorced longer than he was married. | ||
| And he's still paying alimony to a woman that... | ||
| What did he fuck her so hard she can't work? | ||
| Like, what happened? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He slammed into her vagina so hard it broke something, and she's no longer capable of supporting herself. | ||
| He pays her hundreds of thousands of dollars a year, and she does nothing. | ||
| So I've seen all the madness and the nonsense, but all that, for me, went out the window with the idea of children, because I'm like, okay, look. | ||
| The commitment of money is a lot, but the commitment of life is far greater. | ||
| So I'm like, whatever you want. | ||
| You want to get married? | ||
| I'm 100% in. | ||
| I'm in. | ||
| I'm in. | ||
| I'm all in. | ||
| I'm committed. | ||
| Let's do it. | ||
| But I don't go dark. | ||
| I won't go dark. | ||
| I don't allow myself. | ||
| Well, I mean, you're a weapon, so you can't go dark, yeah. | ||
| But I won't go dark with my friends either. | ||
| I won't go dark. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Does anyone really push you to go dark, though? | |
| Well, they could if you escalated. | ||
| If my friends get shitty with me, I'll tell them I love them, and I'll just go, come on, man. | ||
| What are we doing? | ||
| I'm not going dark with my friends. | ||
| That's what I love about... | ||
| And I realized that when I was doing... | ||
| I had a sports show for a little while on AOL called Two Point Lead, and we would interview... | ||
| AOL? It was AOL, yeah. | ||
| I still got an AOL email address, too. | ||
| Do you really? | ||
| Because I'm good at marketing, yeah. | ||
| What year was this? | ||
| This was recent. | ||
| It was 2015. They had a lot of money before they got bought by Verizon. | ||
| So they were owned by Time Warner and this was like their big push. | ||
| They did a lot of programming. | ||
| They did a show with Steve Buscemi. | ||
| When we did the new fronts, we had Gronk come on. | ||
| We paid him like a hundred grand. | ||
| I did a skit with him. | ||
| Steve Buscemi had a show on AOL? Yeah. | ||
| What was he doing? | ||
| He was sitting on a bench interviewing people. | ||
| Outside? | ||
| Outside. | ||
| In a park? | ||
| In a park, yeah. | ||
| So he was one of the shows. | ||
| And we were getting like major athletes, like major athletes. | ||
| And I remember I interviewed Chris Weidman. | ||
| And he was fighting... | ||
| He wasn't fighting the other guy. | ||
| Anderson Silva? | ||
| No. | ||
| Lioto Machida? | ||
| I can't remember who he was. | ||
| Luke Rockhold? | ||
| It might have been when he was fighting Luke Rockhold. | ||
| I can't remember. | ||
| What year? | ||
| This was about 2015. Was he the champ? | ||
| He was the champ. | ||
| So the odds are it's either Vitor, Lioto Machida. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Vitor. | |
| It was Vitor. | ||
| He was fighting Vitor. | ||
| And it was the first time I'd like sat down with like You know, guys who are trained fighters. | ||
| And the calm, it's just like a calm and a peace that, like, I was trying to put my finger on, like, what is that calm? | ||
| And then I realized, like, if, like, I'm in, I get insecure, you know, but, you know, I'm, like, got nervousness. | ||
| And a lot of that is because I, always in a situation, know there's a probability that I could get fucked up. | ||
| Or if I walked around and I knew that 99.7% of the people I could fuck up, I'd be calm. | ||
| Well, Chris Weidman is calm like I would be calm if I was hanging out with 10-year-old girls and they were trying to tell me how the world works. | ||
| And I'd be like, that's cute. | ||
| Let me tell you how the world really works. | ||
| Yeah, it's like that, yeah. | ||
| Especially when he was the champ. | ||
| I mean, when he was the champ, first of all, when Chris Weidman was coming up... | ||
| The limitations of Chris Weidman legitimately are the limitations of the human body because his body started to break. | ||
| He had knee problems and neck problems and back problems, but the limitations of his mind were limitless. | ||
| There's a lot of these guys, and a lot of them are wrestlers. | ||
| Because I think wrestlers have the strongest brains, the strongest minds, the strongest determination, because that sport is so fucking brutal. | ||
| But these great wrestlers who get into fighting, like Chris Weidman, and Cain Velasquez was another one. | ||
| The limitations of Cain Velasquez were the limitations of his body. | ||
| Because he started getting shoulder surgery, and back surgery, and knee surgery, and then it all started falling apart. | ||
| But when he was at his peak, Chris Weidman was a motherfucker, man. | ||
| Strong. | ||
| The mind, too. | ||
| It's not just the body. | ||
| His body was surely strong, but his mind was just unbreakable. | ||
| He would break guys. | ||
| And Kane was the same way. | ||
| Kane was a guy who broke guys. | ||
| He would break them. | ||
| Because I really firmly believe this to this day, that wrestlers, because there's no... | ||
| I had Jordan Burroughs on the other day. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| He's a wrestler, right? | ||
| Olympic gold medalist, four-time world champion, stud of a human being. | ||
| And when you talk to him, you realize he's just so exceptional in every way. | ||
| And one of the reasons why he's so exceptional is because wrestling has no glory. | ||
| The people that get into wrestling, they do it because it's the pursuit. | ||
| It's not... | ||
| It's not like a Bentley and a mansion and watches and rings and all that bullshit. | ||
| The glory is in victory. | ||
| It's in the pursuit. | ||
| And also in victory in the most difficult of circumstances, which is like amateur, high-level, world-class wrestling. | ||
| It's so fucking hard. | ||
| So the guys like Chris Weidman, the guys like Jordan Burroughs, the guys like King Velasquez, guys who excel in wrestling, there's a mindset that they have that's so interesting to be around them because they are that calm. | ||
| They have that. | ||
| There's a level that they've reached that very few human beings outside of wrestlers ever reach. | ||
| That's fascinating. | ||
| Do you think that's changing now because they do have an outlet with MMA, which is great, like they can go pro and become Some of them, but Jordan Burroughs doesn't have any interest in fighting. | ||
| Especially his wife doesn't want him to fight. | ||
| He does make good money wrestling, just as an ambassador to wrestling. | ||
| I don't think they fall into the same pitfalls that a lot of the other fighters fall into. | ||
| A lot of them, they get into fame and glory and all that shit. | ||
| Weidman never really got into that. | ||
| He was just into smashing people. | ||
| Smashing, yeah. | ||
| Khabib, yeah. | ||
| Just smashing people. | ||
| Like Khabib. | ||
| I'm gonna smash your boy. | ||
| He's the perfect example. | ||
| Khabib's the perfect example. | ||
| The guy drives a Toyota, okay? | ||
| He's worth fucking millions of dollars. | ||
| He's the most dominant fighter in any weight class in the history of the sport, and he is as calm and as humble as can be while also being incredibly confident. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| And super religious. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Doesn't drink, doesn't smoke, doesn't party, doesn't do anything. | ||
| He's just dedicated to smashing people. | ||
| I'm gonna smash your boy. | ||
| Right, I'm gonna smash your boy. | ||
| When he said that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Alhamdulillah. | |
| I'm gonna smash your boy. | ||
| Somebody said to me, that's like Samuel Jackson in Pulp Fiction. | ||
| You're like, ah, fuck. | ||
| It's greater because it's not fake. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And he did it. | ||
| Yeah, he did it. | ||
| And he did smash him. | ||
| And you know what the best, the scariest thing that he ever said? | ||
| He goes, I want to change his face. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| I want to change his face. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| How much is the mental battle? | ||
| Did like Conor, when he fought Conor, it was like... | ||
| Opposites going against each other, like that ultra-humility versus that absolute boastful... | ||
| Do you think Conor knew before? | ||
| No, he thought he was going to win. | ||
| He won a round with Khabib. | ||
| He won the third round, and that's probably the only round that Khabib lost in his entire career. | ||
| There's an argument that maybe he lost one or two rounds earlier that are real close. | ||
| But, I mean, he's 29-0. | ||
| You have to understand how insane that is. | ||
| And then you have to understand the weight class he's in. | ||
| He's in the 155-pound weight class, which is arguably the most competitive in the history of the sport. | ||
| The arguments are like 45, 55, and maybe 70 are the most competitive weight classes ever. | ||
| And he's the most dominant guy ever in the most competitive weight class. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, he's a monster. | ||
| He's a beast, man. | ||
| You're in that weight class and you know you gotta fight him, you're like... | ||
| You question everything about yourself. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Do you think wrestlers to that level have an advantage in MMA? Because you're just eventually gonna get your hands on a guy? | ||
| Yeah, well, that's what he has an advantage in. | ||
| I mean, when he wrestles guys, when he grabs them, you can see the look in their face. | ||
| Like, oh my god, this is different. | ||
| It's like an anaconda got you. | ||
| Just different. | ||
| Well, look at his last guy that he fought is Justin Gaethje, who's a fucking killer, right? | ||
| Smashes Tony Ferguson, smashes Edson Barbosa. | ||
| I mean, he's a fucking beast. | ||
| And a really good wrestler, too. | ||
| But when Khabib got a hold of him, every time just drags him to the ground and almost submitted him at the end of the first round and then submitted him in the second round. | ||
| Well, he said he didn't want to hurt him. | ||
| Do you think that was true? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He said, like, I didn't want to do it that way because his parents were there. | ||
| Well, not just that. | ||
| I mean, that's some fucking ill shit to say. | ||
| Like, I'll just wait till next round, do it a little softer. | ||
| Well, they were friends. | ||
| Justin actually, they have the same manager. | ||
| And Justin actually helped him cut weight earlier in his career. | ||
| Because cutting weight is, I don't know if you ever spent some time in the sauna. | ||
| I have. | ||
| I did some shows in Sweden, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, there's a moment in the sauna that comes around like minute 13, 14, especially if it's like a hot sauna. | ||
| It's like minute 3 for me, yeah. | ||
| When you start looking around, you look at your wash, you go like, fuck. | ||
| Like, how do I do this? | ||
| I want to get out now. | ||
| And you don't get out. | ||
| You stay in. | ||
| And so it's like you need support. | ||
| And, like, a lot of times guys will have guys cut weight with them. | ||
| And they'll come and sit with you and give you support. | ||
| Because, like, as much as Khabib is like his mind is a fucking vault, a bank vault. | ||
| I mean, his mind is impenetrable. | ||
| Even a man like him will use encouragement from other people and use support and love and friendship from other people. | ||
| And Justin helped him cut weight. | ||
| And I think they had a bond because of that. | ||
| So when he fought Conor, he wanted to change his face. | ||
| He wanted to smash. | ||
| I wanted to smash your boy! | ||
| With Keiji, he's just like, I'm going to beat him, and I'm going to beat him the way I would beat a friend. | ||
| It's like you're beating up your brother. | ||
| You go like, I'm going to hurt you, but not, you're my brother. | ||
| So it's like, I'm going to do it so you can... | ||
| He went to submissions faster than he has in any other fight he's ever had. | ||
| God, he's that good. | ||
| He's that good. | ||
| He almost caught... | ||
| He fought with a broken toe, too, by the way. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Snapped. | ||
| They showed an x-ray of his toe after the fight. | ||
| He broke his toe in training. | ||
| And a lot of guys would have pulled out of that fight. | ||
| If you look at the fight, I watched it yesterday, actually, while I was working out. | ||
| He had his toes taped together. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| That's the brace. | ||
| That's the cast. | ||
| A little piece of tape connecting his toes together. | ||
| Because when you break your toe, that's all you can do, right? | ||
| Is really just tape it up? | ||
| He's an extraordinary human being. | ||
| And it's his mind. | ||
| I mean, his body, obviously, is ridiculous, too. | ||
| But his body is ridiculous because of his mind. | ||
| And he just comes from a place that like, what did Joe DiMaggio say? | ||
| Rich guys can't make the big leagues. | ||
| He comes from a place that probably getting in the octagon is the easiest thing he's done in his entire life. | ||
| I mean, there's videos of him as a kid wrestling bears. | ||
| If you've got to get in the ring with him, you're going like, how can I grapple better than a bear? | ||
| Well, it's also Dagestan in particular. | ||
| It's like there's so many good fighters, I mean great fighters that have come from this one region of the world. | ||
| Dagestan is just filled with killers. | ||
| Yeah, there's that other guy now who's just like smashing people too. | ||
| Zabit, yeah, Magomed Sharapov, he's smashing people. | ||
| Islam Makachev is smashing people. | ||
| He's from Dagestan. | ||
| There's a lot of great guys from Dagestan. | ||
| I mean, there's so many of them. | ||
| Like, we get these new guys all the time where I'm doing commentary and I look at this guy and his name and I'm like, where's, oh, Dagestan, there you go. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| And you see him and he's a murderer. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Just assassins. | ||
| Is that because, like, wrestling was huge over there and then they... | ||
| Wrestling's huge over there and also just the mentality. | ||
| You know, they play a game of basketball where you don't dribble the ball, you wrestle and they submit each other. | ||
| Jail rules. | ||
| They literally, yeah, they hold on to the ball and they try to steal it from each other, they tackle each other, they submit each other. | ||
| It's the craziest fucking game. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, those guys are going to rise to the top in fighting. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| That's where they took a sport and they turned it into a fight. | ||
| Yeah, they're like, too easy with the dribble. | ||
| Yeah, let's play tennis, but instead of the ball, we hit this guy over the net. | ||
| Yeah, it's like rugby with arm bars. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| My friend Will Harris, he goes over there and films Khabib and his camp during the whole thing. | ||
| I saw that and he said, nobody's going to beat Khabib. | ||
| I saw an interview with him and he goes, you got to see where he's from, man. | ||
| Nobody's going to beat him. | ||
| Yeah, it's different. | ||
| It's different. | ||
| You know, it's like comfort is not a fighter's friend. | ||
| It's just not. | ||
| No, you know, you're going up against Luke Rockhall, he's like, yeah, you know, he's cocky, he's got a good kick, but then he's like, I gotta go model for... | ||
| Ralph Lauren after this, and Khabib's like, yeah, man, I gotta go wrestle a bear and climb a cliff. | ||
| Well, Luke is a rare guy that, even though he is beautiful, was a handsome guy. | ||
| Handsome. | ||
| He beat Weidman. | ||
| Yeah, he did. | ||
| Smashed him, too. | ||
| And he beat Weidman when Weidman was in his prime. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Luke is tough, man. | ||
| He's tough despite his beautiful face. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's why you actually got me into MMA a lot. | ||
| Because I remember there was a time where you were advocating for it. | ||
| And you were talking like, hey, boxing's a beautiful sport, but it's limited. | ||
| And it's like, there's no way you can argue that. | ||
| Especially when we got into this era, especially with Floyd Mayweather, where he just... | ||
| He mastered it, where he would fight, hold, knew how to not hit. | ||
| And fights get kind of boring. | ||
| He would win on points. | ||
| And MMA is so exciting because, like you said... | ||
| It's so hard, like what Khabib did to go undefeated, because anyone could lose on any night. | ||
| You don't see a kick. | ||
| When there's so many weapons coming out, you gotta play against the chute. | ||
| Anything can happen, and when you're watching a fight, you're like, anything can happen right now. | ||
| It's the wildest of all sports, for sure. | ||
| It's the wildest. | ||
| It's the closest sport that mimics an actual fight. | ||
| It's the wildest sport. | ||
| There's only one sport that's slightly wilder, and that's Lethwe. | ||
| Letwe has never really achieved full acceptance in the United States. | ||
| What's that? | ||
| They have headbutts and they have no gloves. | ||
| That's what UFC used to be. | ||
| Sort of, yeah. | ||
| The thing about Letwe is there's takedowns, but there's no ground and pound and submissions and shit like that. | ||
| Once they amended the sport a little bit with that, it really helped because that would get brutal. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like the Mark Kerr, like these roided up dudes just fucking... | ||
| And you're going... | ||
| Like even men are turning away like, Jesus Christ, man. | ||
| His nose is gone. | ||
| Mark Coleman's move, he would take guys down and then just smash them with headbutts. | ||
| Ground and pound them and smash them. | ||
| I remember, yeah. | ||
| Headbutts are legit, man. | ||
| Yeah, and those crazies, you just take it and just patiently, their face would turn into a pizza until they got like an ankle. | ||
| I mean, I remember watching one of those fights where they didn't finally, he got like an ankle or an arm and it just ended it, but he got up and his face was just different. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, that changed the world when the UFC came around in 1993 because all these people had this idea of what martial arts were. | ||
| Everybody thought it was like a Chuck Norris movie. | ||
| You throw on kicks and, you know, like two guys are coming at you, you do a jumping split and you kick both of them. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But when they saw what a fight really is, it's like a lot of it is like grappling on the ground and that this smaller, relatively small, he was like 175 pounds, Hoist Gracie beat all these gigantic guys like Kemos, like 265. The guy was like 90 pounds bigger than him, legitimately. | ||
| Right, yeah. | ||
| And he armbarred him. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, because... | ||
| I mean, nobody even really knew what Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu was until that. | ||
| No. | ||
| Yeah, you get a, you know... | ||
| And it's funny, like, do you think, like, Bruce Lee... | ||
| Because Bruce Lee's like this myth. | ||
| Bruce Lee had this thing, like, this mythical... | ||
| Aura about him where everyone was like, Bruce Lee. | ||
| But now that you see MMA, you're like, does he know how to wrestle? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Because... | |
| Well, Bruce Lee was the first guy that actually incorporated all these other different styles like Judo and Jiu-Jitsu and submissions. | ||
| He incorporated those into his style, which he called Jeet Kune Do. | ||
| He invented a style. | ||
| And... | ||
| It's hard to think of how much impact that guy had because you kind of have to put yourself back in 1970. You got to put yourself back in the days when he was becoming popular because there was no one like him. | ||
| Everyone who did a style back then, whether it was judo or karate, you were taught that your style was the only style. | ||
| Like even when I was coming up and I was doing Taekwondo, I started working out with boxers and my instructor was discouraging it. | ||
| He was saying, you don't need to do that. | ||
| You can train your boxing here. | ||
| I was like, can I really, though? | ||
| I realized early on, no. | ||
| You need to see who does the best of all these different disciplines. | ||
| I started working out with judo guys, and that was a real wake-up call. | ||
| But the biggest wake-up call was when I started doing jiu-jitsu. | ||
| The first wake-up calls, the first time I got leg kicked, I was like, oh, this is terrible! | ||
| Like, you realize you get kicked a couple of times in the leg and your legs don't work, and then you can't kick people. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, okay, I need to understand this. | ||
| And then jujitsu was just... | ||
| I was just getting raped. | ||
| I was literally getting just torn apart. | ||
| And by guys my size, too. | ||
| That was the other thing. | ||
| They weren't bigger than me. | ||
| They just knew... | ||
| They were skilled. | ||
| They were looking for... | ||
| It's almost like a... | ||
| They just look for a weakness, an opening, and then things you would never think of, like a hand, an arm, an ankle. | ||
| Well, it's just they do that all the time. | ||
| It's just like when a heckler tries to challenge you, and it's like they think they're funny around the gas station or whatever, like, listen, I do this every night. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Like, this is not going to work out well for you. | ||
| And this is the same thing with jiu-jitsu. | ||
| It's like they do it every day. | ||
| They understand it. | ||
| You're literally trying to have an argument with someone and you know three words. | ||
| And they have the full dictionary at their disposal. | ||
| That's what it's like. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So a jiu-jitsu guy always has an advantage unless the other guy also knows jiu-jitsu. | ||
| Well, pretty much everybody knows some jiu-jitsu now. | ||
| But in the beginning, jiu-jitsu guys had a huge advantage. | ||
| I mean, that was what everybody wanted. | ||
| They wanted to, like, if you were a black belt in Brazilian jiu-jitsu, everybody's like, oh my god, stay off the ground with that guy. | ||
| Well, that was where Vitor fucked everybody up, is because he was a black belt in jiu-jitsu, but also, he was a lethal striker. | ||
| And no one had ever seen that before. | ||
| Because my first UFC that I ever worked at was in 1997. And Vitor was 19 years old, and he won the heavyweight tournament. | ||
| And no one had ever seen anything like this. | ||
| This guy was fucking shredded. | ||
| 19 years old. | ||
| Just jacked. | ||
| And just lighting people up on fire. | ||
| And it was crazy to watch because no one had ever seen a Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu black belt that also had phenomenal striking. | ||
| And that's what's great about MMA is like, it kept evolving. | ||
| I gotta learn jujitsu. | ||
| I gotta learn how to leg kick. | ||
| I gotta work on my Muay Thai. | ||
| That was like when that Gaethje Khabib fight, you could tell his strategy was like, I'm gonna try to get his legs and Khabib's just like, Yeah. | ||
| Just like he was taking kicks like... | ||
| Well, he got close. | ||
| He got one of those. | ||
| He got walloped with one of those kicks. | ||
| There's a few of those kicks to his lower leg that had put him in a bad place. | ||
| And Gaethje was landing fucking bombs. | ||
| They were horrible leg kicks. | ||
| But Khabib took them and figured out a way to get the fight to the ground. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| But there's no other sport where in the past, like from 1993 to 2021, it's unrecognizable. | ||
| Like it's so much better. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Like if you go back to baseball in 1993 and you watch baseball today, not that much different. | ||
| Arguably not as good because they can't do steroids as easily. | ||
| Kind of helped the game. | ||
| I mean, Sosa McGuire, that brought baseball back, and those kids were roided up. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| They looked like He-Men characters. | ||
| Dude, I used to be a fitness trainer at the Boston Athletic Club, and Jose Canseco came in once when he was in the prime of his career, and he was a giant human being. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Just a tank of a man. | ||
| He walked in. | ||
| I was like, Jesus. | ||
| This is when he was at the top. | ||
| And everyone was like, Canseco's coming in. | ||
| Canseco's coming in. | ||
| And he walked in the building. | ||
| I'm like, wow. | ||
| You don't realize how big an elite pro athlete is. | ||
| On steroids. | ||
| Yeah, on everything. | ||
| He was on all the steroids. | ||
| And he dropped dime on everybody. | ||
| That whole era is a little tainted. | ||
| It's a little weird. | ||
| That was very unfortunate. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because that ruined him, too. | ||
| Yeah, he should have just kept going. | ||
| I mean, like... | ||
| Keep it going. | ||
| Why did he have to... | ||
| Did he get caught and then he have to come clean? | ||
| Like, what happened? | ||
| It was, um... | ||
| No, I think... | ||
| Because they were all on the show. | ||
| Yeah, there was one guy. | ||
| There was one, like, guru steroid guy. | ||
| They figured out a way to do a cream. | ||
| Like, to circumvent the testing. | ||
| I think that's later. | ||
| Oh, is that later? | ||
| That was Barry Bonds. | ||
| Yeah, that's the clear. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, I've had that guy. | ||
| That was the head of Balco. | ||
| I had him on the podcast before. | ||
| That was Victor Conte. | ||
| So that was the generation after. | ||
| I don't really remember why Canseco... | ||
| Ratted everybody out. | ||
| But I mean... | ||
| Sammy, do you remember? | ||
| He's like the Sammy the Bull of baseball. | ||
| I don't know if there's a great reason, but at the time, so like 2000... | ||
| When was that Mark McGuire time? | ||
| Like 2000 or 99-ish? | ||
| It was when Sammy Sosa was still Dominican-looking. | ||
| Still brown. | ||
| He wrote a book. | ||
| Looks like Mark McGuire. | ||
| It was called Juiced, right? | ||
| You don't know if there's a reason why... | ||
| Yeah, Juiced, Wild Times, Rampant Roids, Smash Hits, and How Baseball Got Big. | ||
| Did he get kicked out of baseball or something? | ||
| Did something happen? | ||
| No, he was still playing even, honestly, recently, I think. | ||
| But no, but not when he wrote... | ||
| Yeah, but for who? | ||
| But not when he wrote that book. | ||
| When he wrote that book, was he still playing or was he suspended or something? | ||
| Real baseball fans were like, you don't know... | ||
| Shit! | ||
| You fucking pussies! | ||
| He was done in the MLB in 2001. And so the book came out a couple years after. | ||
| Let me see. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| So they probably kicked him out of baseball or his career was over for whatever reason. | ||
| He fought for a while, you know. | ||
| Did he really? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| He fought a gigantic man. | ||
| God damn it, I'm trying to remember. | ||
| Was it MMA? Hongman Choi. | ||
| Yeah, he fought Hongman Choi. | ||
| No, I think it was a... | ||
| Yeah, I think it was MMA. He fought Hongman Choi in Japan. | ||
| Because Jose Canseco had an actual background in karate. | ||
| He was a martial artist and he tried throwing some kicks and I think he popped his knee and fell down and then Hong Man Choy beat the shit out of him. | ||
| But it was one of those deals where he needed money and they offered him a fight literally against a seven-foot man. | ||
| Hong Man Choy was a legitimate giant. | ||
| Gigantism. | ||
| I think I've seen YouTube videos of that guy. | ||
| Yeah, his head is as big as my whole torso. | ||
| He's enormous. | ||
| Yeah, I hate when Yeah. | ||
| I mean, it's like, you're gonna get wrecked against a trained MMA guy. | ||
| Like, didn't James Toney try to do that, too? | ||
| Yeah, he fought Randy Couture. | ||
| Yeah, Randy Couture ankle-picked him. | ||
| He just hit him with a low single, took him down, and he submitted him. | ||
| And did Herschel Walker try? | ||
| Herschel Walker smashed people. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Herschel Walker, when he was in his late 40s, was smashing people. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, there's like Daniel Day-Lewis of acting. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Herschel Walker is the Herschel Walker of athletes. | ||
| He does ballet, too. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Dude, he can do anything. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But I'm telling you, man, when he would fight, it would literally be like a bull in a china shop. | ||
| Guys, they couldn't deal with his athleticism and power. | ||
| I mean, in his 40s. | ||
| And also, his martial arts talent. | ||
| He really was a legitimate martial artist. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And was training with Cain Velasquez and Daniel Cormier. | ||
| He was training at American Kickboxing Academy. | ||
| So he's like, He went to the best gym in the country. | ||
| I mean, in terms of wrestling and heavyweights, arguably the best gym. | ||
| When DC and Cormier and Cain Velasquez were in their prime, that's when Hershel Walker was training with them. | ||
| So he was training with, and not just those guys. | ||
| I mean, there were so many good fighters. | ||
| There was Josh Thompson. | ||
| There was just a Luke Rockhold. | ||
| There was a camp filled with assassins, and Hershel was training with them. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So it wasn't like he went to some, like, bullshit-ass fucking McDojo gym at the mall and they held the pads for him. | ||
| Tiger Shulman's. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Tiger Shulman's legit, though. | ||
| He's legit, right? | ||
| Legit businessman, too. | ||
| I mean, those are all over the island. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| See, Tiger Shulman's is a weird one because you would think, because it was a chain of karate schools, that, oh, it's, you know, it's kind of like McDojo-ish, but it's not. | ||
| Like, Tiger Shulman has raised some legit MMA fighters. | ||
| Wow, I didn't Yes, man. | ||
| There's some fucking top-notch guys. | ||
| There's a guy named Lyman Goode who's in the UFC right now who looks like he's sculpted out of fucking granite. | ||
| He's one of the scariest looking human beings, like physically impressive human beings to ever compete in a sport. | ||
| He's a Tiger Shulman guy. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah, there's a bunch of guys that fight out of Tiger Shulmans. | ||
| Yeah, look at that's Lyman Goode. | ||
| Damn. | ||
| Savage. | ||
| Damn. | ||
| And just smashed. | ||
| Go to that picture up top where he's in the fight right there. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Imagine that guy on the side of the octagon. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| Coming for your fucking soul. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And that's all natural, you think? | ||
| Who knows? | ||
| Why ask questions? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Why ask? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Baseball should have just... | ||
| I mean, it's like baseball... | ||
| Look at him in that picture. | ||
| Yeah, he's ripped. | ||
| That's Shane Burgos. | ||
| He's another guy who's a Tiger Shulman guy. | ||
| I mean, they had a lot of very, very legit guys. | ||
| And Tiger Shulman, he adapted. | ||
| Shaquille O'Neal agrees to fight Jose Canseco. | ||
| When is this? | ||
| Come on. | ||
|
unidentified
|
March 14, 2012. I say come on, but you know what? | |
| I want to see it. | ||
| I'll pay for it. | ||
| I'll pay for it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Come on, man. | |
| I'm all in. | ||
| The thing about baseball is it's the only sport that's hanging on to the past. | ||
| We're like, all these sports have adapted. | ||
| Basketball, the shot clock. | ||
| They keep adapting with the times. | ||
| Baseball's the only one that's resistant to change and goes, no, no, no, it's America's pastime. | ||
| They even got mad when they did like the little rule where you can't step out of the batter's box. | ||
| It's like, things are moving quicker now. | ||
| You gotta, we gotta have like someone on the sidelines with like a loaded gun, like shooting, like a blind guy just fucking firing. | ||
| It's something to speed it up or steroids or something. | ||
| Yeah, but people love it. | ||
| They like to get drunk and eat hot dogs. | ||
| It's a great social game. | ||
| But now you go there, it's like corporate. | ||
| You get sushi. | ||
| Sushi at a ballpark. | ||
| It's like, I'm not there to have sushi. | ||
| I'm there to have a hot dog, get diarrhea, drink $11 Budweiser. | ||
| That's what I'm there to do. | ||
| Yeah, hot dogs are the move. | ||
| I mean, that's a baseball type. | ||
| And popcorn, right? | ||
| Yes, popcorn. | ||
| Cracker Jacks. | ||
| Baseball foods. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I got bored with it. | ||
| I played baseball when I was a kid, and that's actually how I found martial arts. | ||
| How I really got into martial arts was I went to see a baseball game at Fenway Park. | ||
| I went to see a Sox game, and me and my buddy were coming home, and I was 14 at the time. | ||
| We were walking, and we had to get on the T, and the T is the Boston train system, and the lines were so huge. | ||
| We were walking. | ||
| It's like New York subway. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Now I understand. | ||
| It's obviously not as extensive, and it's outside. | ||
| It's not underground. | ||
| So we were walking towards the train station, and I found this taekwondo school. | ||
| And I walked up, and it was the craziest divine timing of all. | ||
| I walked up the stairs, and as I was walking up the stairs to this taekwondo school, I heard this crazy sound, like, whoomp! | ||
| K-chink! | ||
| Wump! | ||
| K-chink! | ||
| Like a metal, like a thud, and then metal. | ||
| And I didn't know what the fuck that sounded like. | ||
| Chains and metal. | ||
| I was like, what is this? | ||
| I went up there and there's this guy, John Lee. | ||
| And John Lee was the national champion. | ||
| He was preparing for the World Cup. | ||
| And he was in his peak training. | ||
| And he was kicking this bag with a spinning back kick. | ||
| And he was literally folding this bag in half. | ||
| And then it was hanging from a chain. | ||
| So he'd hear the whoomp when his heel slammed into the bag. | ||
| And then it went ka-chink! | ||
| Like the bag would slam, you know, go flying and the chains would rattle. | ||
| And I remember being a 14-year-old kid standing there staring at this guy just smashing his bag. | ||
| And I remember thinking like, I want to learn how to do that. | ||
| And I signed up that day. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And that became my whole life. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Like from that moment on, I was there every day until I was like 22. Right. | ||
| Like literally became my whole life. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| From that one moment, just going up there and seeing this guy. | ||
| I could have gone up there and be little kids practicing and it would have been like, get the fuck out of here. | ||
| But what I saw was so insanely impressive that I immediately signed up. | ||
| Do you think this is sort of like a free will versus like... | ||
| Destiny question. | ||
| Do you think that's because you had something in you that that connected to? | ||
| If I walked by there, I'd be like, what's that noise? | ||
| And then I'm like, all right, let me go get a burger or whatever. | ||
| Could be. | ||
| Do you think it's because it was meant to happen? | ||
| There's something in you that... | ||
| That's a tricky one to buy into. | ||
| You know, you could say, like, that's my destiny. | ||
| But it just appealed to me. | ||
| You know, I mean, I'd seen a lot of other things that didn't appeal to me, right? | ||
| Like, I was just at a baseball game where I saw the best baseball players in the world. | ||
| Professionals. | ||
| I didn't give a fuck. | ||
| I was like, yeah, that's great. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But why? | |
| That's my question. | ||
| Like, do you think that's just, like, it's in you? | ||
| Like, that's, like, your genetic kind of... | ||
| Like, you're predisposed to it, I guess they would say? | ||
| Like, fighting? | ||
| It clicked all... | ||
| It hit all my switches, pushed all my buttons. | ||
| I was like, that's what I need to do. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Well, you had a talent for it because you got good at it. | ||
| Like, a champ. | ||
| I didn't have a talent in the beginning. | ||
| I mean, I got good because I was obsessed, but whatever it was... | ||
| You know, like, you just gotta find your thing. | ||
| For me at the time, that was my thing. | ||
| You know, I just found my thing. | ||
| And then stand-up was my thing when I found that, too. | ||
| Very similar to fighting, too. | ||
| You're up there alone, like, all the jargon is like, kill, smash, punchline. | ||
| Crush. | ||
| Yeah, crush. | ||
| You guys are a killer. | ||
| In a way. | ||
| But also in a way that it requires you to spend time on your own, disciplining yourself. | ||
| And one of the things that separates comics from comics that don't do well is the time they spend writing. | ||
| And some comics, they get great, but they don't write. | ||
| They don't write. | ||
| Some comics have an interesting way of writing. | ||
| Bill Burr, I think, is the most fascinating way of writing. | ||
| Because what Bill is basically doing is two days a week, he does a solo podcast, just uninterrupted stream of consciousness. | ||
| And out of that has come some of the best comedy we've ever experienced. | ||
| Because he just sits by himself and talks shit. | ||
| Like I was listening to him talk shit about the Apple Store today. | ||
| And these fucking cunts in this fucking Apple Store. | ||
| I just went down there. | ||
| I wanted a fucking iPad. | ||
| And he's got no one interrupting him. | ||
| So it's just him in his office by himself with a microphone and just thinking and talking. | ||
| And that's... | ||
| It's a workout. | ||
| It's a type of workout. | ||
| Whether you're sitting in front of a laptop, whatever the fuck you're doing, like whatever you're doing to kind of create, some guys don't do that. | ||
| They just want to go on stage. | ||
| And so they go on stage and then they just sort of spout out what they've already done and maybe they add a tag here, a little bit there, but they don't develop the way a guy like Bill turns over material. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I think if you ask him, when he started a podcast, his comedy went to another level because of that, probably. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| It really did. | ||
| I mean, there's no doubt about it. | ||
| He was always great. | ||
| Bill was always... | ||
| He had talent. | ||
| He's got a perspective. | ||
| He's got balls. | ||
| I saw him out here. | ||
| He performed at one of these outdoor amphitheaters, freezing cold outside. | ||
| I had my fucking jacket zipped up to my neck, sitting there freezing on the sidelines watching. | ||
| But it was fun to watch real, wild comedy. | ||
| He's still doing wild comedy. | ||
| There's no one that can take him down. | ||
| There's no cancel culture. | ||
| Just saying all the shit that he thinks of. | ||
| Yeah, he kind of just, he performs like it doesn't exist. | ||
| Like, cancel culture doesn't exist. | ||
| Kind of like the way Jack Johnson just kind of, Jack, you ever see that documentary, Jack Johnson? | ||
| Yeah, where he just, like, lived his life as if racism didn't exist, and people, like, didn't even know what to make of him. | ||
| Danged a lot of white chicks. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He did. | ||
| In their face. | ||
| During a time where, like, you get lynched for that shit. | ||
| He almost seemed like he was taken from another era and put into... | ||
| He would talk shit while he was fucking you up. | ||
| He had gold tea. | ||
| He had gold fronts. | ||
| I mean, before hip-hop. | ||
| I mean, he almost looks like he was, like, time-traveled. | ||
| Yeah, well, you know, it's interesting. | ||
| His nickname was the Galveston Giant. | ||
| You know, he was only like six feet tall or six foot one, I think. | ||
| I don't think he was even... | ||
| He might have been 200 pounds. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Pull up how tall and how much did Jack Johnson weigh. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How tall? | |
| Six foot tall. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Galveston giant. | ||
| A giant. | ||
| You're six foot tall, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How crazy is that? | ||
| That is crazy. | ||
| You're a giant. | ||
| People had no food back then. | ||
| Yeah, they didn't grow that big. | ||
| They didn't have any food, dude. | ||
| This is how fucking soft we are. | ||
| People were tiny back then. | ||
| Look at the average size of the Civil War. | ||
| An average man was 130 pounds. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because they didn't have any fucking food. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They must have looked like Abe Lincoln, like, holy shit. | ||
| This guy's tall. | ||
| He's like 6'2", not that big. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, but Jack Johnson was... | ||
| Guys got big balls, literally. | ||
| Look at that package. | ||
| Giant sack. | ||
| Huge cock, I'm sure. | ||
| Look at that right there. | ||
| I mean, you gotta think, there's no steroids back then. | ||
| There's just superior genetics. | ||
| And also, just fucking hardship, right? | ||
| You know, talk about Khabib growing up in Dagestan. | ||
| Imagine being a black man as a boxer back when they all wanted white men to be the champ. | ||
| Look at the size of him, man. | ||
| Shredded. | ||
| He was shredded. | ||
| Built like a modern elite athlete. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And this is, you know, what year was that? | ||
| Turn of the century. | ||
| What year was it, Jamie, does it say? | ||
| That he was a champ? | ||
| Was it like 1908? | ||
| Like early, early turn of the century. | ||
| I started eating a little bit there. | ||
| What can you do? | ||
| Buster Douglas, it happens. | ||
| In between fights. | ||
| What, that right there? | ||
| Yeah, he looks like he had a couple cheeseburgers or whatever. | ||
| Well, what does it say here? | ||
| Does it say there? | ||
| It says he was born in... | ||
| He died in 46. He was born in 1878. Wow! | ||
| So it's probably the early, early 1900s. | ||
| But they would get giant-ass crowds, and you barely could see anything. | ||
| And all guys had top hats. | ||
| You ever see the crowds? | ||
| They're wild. | ||
| He lost over 100 pounds to get into that fight. | ||
| What? | ||
| In 1910, yeah. | ||
| He hadn't fought in six years and had to lose well over 100 pounds to get back into his championship fighting weight. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It was... | ||
| Yeah, he's probably just drinking and eating and living like a killer. | ||
| Oh, the guy he fought. | ||
| Oh! | ||
| Who'd he fight? | ||
| Was that Jeffries? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| James Jeffries? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, well, that makes sense. | ||
| Well, they brought Jeffries in to try to beat him because Jeffries was the former champion and... | ||
| He was a big kid too, right? | ||
| Jim Jeffries? | ||
| Yeah, he's a big fella. | ||
| But, you know. | ||
| That's where the Great White Hope kind of probably originated. | ||
| They were trying to beat him. | ||
| Oh yeah, for sure. | ||
| That's exactly where it came from. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then he was about to win that fight and they cut the broadcast. | ||
| What's that? | ||
| There was a broadcast back then? | ||
| Yeah, it was like the first televised boxing match. | ||
| I forget who he was fighting. | ||
| Some white guy number five or six. | ||
| Whatever they were putting up. | ||
| Before he knocked them out, they just cut the broadcast because they didn't want the country to see it. | ||
| They had broadcasts back then? | ||
| It's towards the end, yeah. | ||
| I don't think it was that fight. | ||
| It wasn't that fight. | ||
| No. | ||
| When did they have TV? What was the first television broadcast? | ||
| I want to say 1940. 1940. Let's figure out when the first television broadcast was. | ||
| Take a guess. | ||
| When was the first television broadcast? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm going to say, like, 1917. 1917, Jay! | |
| Back in the day, when people would talk like that. | ||
| Yeah, why did they talk like that? | ||
| Hey, welcome to the fight! | ||
| 1928 was the first broadcast? | ||
| So one of his fights was broadcast, right? | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| I think they filmed it. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't think they did. | ||
| I don't think they did. | ||
| I want to say if that was the case, it was like way late in his career. | ||
| They think like even like when he lost, like lost later in his career, they think he took a dive. | ||
| Because there's a video of it where it doesn't really look like he's hurt. | ||
| He just kind of lays down. | ||
| They might have threatened him, or he might have got a big payday to take a dive. | ||
| There's always a lot of speculation in boxing about guys taking dives. | ||
| Especially the mob was heavily involved in it. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| My God. | ||
| Imagine the amount of money you could win betting on a white guy against Jack Johnson. | ||
| Yeah, a lot of money. | ||
| Yeah, a lot of money. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| One of his quotes, I remember, he was so wild. | ||
| He used to drive a fast car. | ||
| He made some money. | ||
| What was fast back then? | ||
| 35? | ||
| 35 miles an hour, yeah. | ||
| Like, wow! | ||
| He got a ticket, and the guy, he was like, hey, don't give me a ticket now. | ||
| He was like, because I'm going to drive back. | ||
| You give me two tickets. | ||
| No, what it was is they gave him a ticket for $50. | ||
| He goes, here's $100 because I'm going to be going the same speed the way back. | ||
| Wow, yeah. | ||
| That's not giving a fuck. | ||
| I mean, he had no fucks to give. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, what are you going to do? | ||
| Guys like him, almost like when you look at history, you're like, you know, is this sort of just a natural evolution? | ||
| You're like, no, certain guys move history forward. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Certain human beings are so spectacular in their time frame that it changes what we expect. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It changes our expectations. | ||
| Look at comedy. | ||
| Pryor. | ||
| Richard Pryor is that. | ||
| Richard Pryor changed comedy. | ||
| He did. | ||
| Comedy became super honest. | ||
| Whereas comedy before was like a lot of jokes. | ||
| And then there was Lenny Bruce. | ||
| And then from Lenny Bruce, there was Richard Pryor. | ||
| So I think Lenny Bruce sort of opened the door and Richard Pryor burst through it. | ||
| And he changed comedy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Changed it. | ||
| I think probably if we look back, podcasts are gonna change comedy in some way because it's so honest. | ||
| Like you were saying, I remember watching a late night set back in the day. | ||
| You see Roseanne and you're like, holy shit, that was amazing. | ||
| And it's because it's the only thing you knew. | ||
| It was like the wildest thing to see then. | ||
| But then when cable happened and then you saw HBO and then you go back and watch that set, you're like, wow, that's really tame. | ||
| And now it's like podcasts. | ||
| It's taking it to a new level where people are really being genuine and really being uncensored. | ||
| It may be changing people's conditioning. | ||
| Well, it's also the first time where famous people are being themselves in an open forum where millions of people are watching. | ||
| Whereas before, everyone's guarded and they're worried about their next gig. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Whereas this is my gig. | ||
| That's a good point. | ||
| This is my gig forever and I own it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So why would I change? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't have an incentive. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right? | |
| The incentive was then always to prepare yourself for a role. | ||
| You're going to get hired to do this. | ||
| You're going to get accepted by this. | ||
| You're going to get brought in to do that. | ||
| Back then, there was no benefit in being real. | ||
| The benefit was in you towing the line. | ||
| And you see that from actors today, and it's so sad. | ||
| They're cucks. | ||
| They're forced into this position where they have to kowtow. | ||
| They have to speak all the woke lingo, and they have to do all the right things. | ||
| If they don't, they won't get hired, and they know it, and they're scared. | ||
| They're operating scared. | ||
| And I think one of the benefits of podcasts and one of the things that people reflect to is like, oh my god, that guy's a real person. | ||
| But that's who he really is. | ||
| And you know, you hear a guy talk for three hours. | ||
| I mean, unless you're a complete sociopath. | ||
| And then that's going to come through. | ||
| You'll see that this guy doesn't give a fuck about anybody but himself. | ||
| You're going to see it. | ||
| And that's why I think Hollywood's probably having such a hard time competing. | ||
| Because that's changed the conditioning where you can see, oh, this is real. | ||
| It seems more fake. | ||
| It seems contrived. | ||
| Well, it made late night television look like fucking ham radio. | ||
| It makes late night television look like Morse code. | ||
| That's what it makes it look like. | ||
| It's so strange that they have to cut every seven minutes for a commercial. | ||
| It's so strange that they can't swear. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's so, everything's so strange. | ||
| And it sucks. | ||
| It sucks. | ||
| I mean, it's just like, even when you're performing, and I remember when I would, like, I had this, I had a show on Fusion, which was this network that failed, and I was with two journalists. | ||
| I remember Fusion. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And, like, you just, even your whole body posture is fake, and everything, you don't touch your face, even if it itches, because you look like a crackhead on TV if you even touch your nose, and, like, you know, I remember I would have full panic attacks, and I would just stand there and just be dealing with it, you know? | ||
| How about in between breaks, they'd powder your forehead? | ||
| Yeah, they come and they touch you. | ||
| They put makeup on you. | ||
| Even when I look at my Comedy Central half hour, makeup looks stupid. | ||
| Yeah, it's caked on. | ||
| Dude, I did a show in 1993, and it was a stand-up show with Jay London. | ||
| You know Jay London? | ||
| No. | ||
| You know Jay London? | ||
| Fucking great comic. | ||
| Me and Jay, and there were some other people on the show, but I remember Jay, and they made me up so much. | ||
| They literally put mascara on me. | ||
| It looked like it, at least. | ||
| There was so much powder on my face. | ||
| It looked like you were in The Cure. | ||
| They put lipstick on. | ||
| It was so crazy. | ||
| And the lady was ensuring me that, listen, I was like, my God, this is too much makeup. | ||
| She goes, no, no, no. | ||
| Under the lights, it's going to look normal. | ||
| It did not look normal. | ||
| I looked so made up. | ||
| And from that moment on, I like fucking refused makeup. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I used to hide from the makeup girl before the show. | ||
| They used to have to call me to set. | ||
| What's crazy is they used to try to put makeup on me during the UFC. I'm like, do you know how crazy this is? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because at one time I came to the UFC and I had two black eyes from training, you know, just from jujitsu. | ||
| From friends, actually. | ||
| It's just accidental black eyes. | ||
| And they were like, we're going to cover those. | ||
| I go, why would you do that? | ||
| I go, here I am doing commentary for guys who are going to get their fucking heads punched in. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| They're going to get their, literally their forehead smashed by a shin. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| And you want to put makeup on me? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| I'm like, let's just... | ||
| Yeah, like the fan base is looking going, you know, yeah, Joe should have worn makeup. | ||
| Leave my black eyes. | ||
| It gives me some legitimacy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| At least lets people know I'm getting after it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because you can't do this. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But the makeup thing is a strange... | ||
| Like, I get it with women, and I appreciate it. | ||
| Like, let's keep going. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's culture. | ||
| You want to wear lipstick, and you look great. | ||
| I don't mind. | ||
| I don't care. | ||
| But for men, like, come on. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What are we doing here? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Are we pretending? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, women don't care. | ||
| They actually like it if you look unmade up. | ||
| Your forehead shiny? | ||
| We need to stop that? | ||
| Who's getting mad because of my forehead shiny? | ||
| Who is that? | ||
| Nobody cares. | ||
| What's happening here? | ||
| What are we doing? | ||
| But for the longest time, it was the standard. | ||
| And you can't question it just because it becomes habit. | ||
| It's just kind of like... | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Yeah, and everyone goes like, no, that's what you do. | ||
| And you're like, yeah. | ||
| They made me do it on Fear Factor for like the first couple seasons. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then after a while I was like, stop. | ||
| Just stop. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Stop. | |
| Some guys eating a fucking... | ||
| and eat roaches and then they cut and powder you up. | ||
| You're like, this, nobody cares. - Fucking contestants would be laughing at me 'cause they were powdering me. | ||
| I'm like, I know, I know, I'm sorry. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm sorry that they're doing this to me. - You know where that really shined through? | |
| What we're talking about, kind of like that people just act that way until they realize this is stupid, was like your incident with Stephen A. Smith. | ||
| That was very intriguing to me. | ||
| Because when he came in and he started doing the sports talk, which I love, and I like Stephen A. Smith because he's controversial. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's fun! | |
| He's fun! | ||
| And he gets you jacked up and he's charismatic. | ||
| I like him a lot. | ||
| I do. | ||
| He has a strong opinion. | ||
| Which is why I didn't get mad at him. | ||
| But it didn't, for me personally, it didn't work for MMA. For some reason, it didn't work. | ||
| And that's because there's something nice after you beat someone up that you're humble about it. | ||
| Because it takes so much courage to get in there and fight. | ||
| It's the scariest thing. | ||
| There's something really cool about that. | ||
| You would think in American culture, it's like, ah, you know, to talk shit, get him involved. | ||
| But Khabib proves, you could be a box office draw and not be an absolute fucking dick. | ||
| Well, Stephen A. Smith was applying the same sort of methods that he uses for basketball and football. | ||
| And it's made him an amazing career, right? | ||
| So it's normal that he applied that to MMA. But I feel like MMA requires a different approach. | ||
| And I guess a lot of people agreed, because he doesn't really do it anymore. | ||
| And the approach is that you have to appreciate and respect. | ||
| His approach was the same way the guy... | ||
| Fumbles a bunch of free throws or fucks up in football or strikes out. | ||
| He didn't show up. | ||
| He didn't show up. | ||
| But the difference between combat sports is the reason he didn't show up is Connor steamrolled him. | ||
| Connor steamrolled Cowboy. | ||
| And Cowboy is a friend of mine. | ||
| And first of all... | ||
| I would never talk bad about Cowboy. | ||
| I love that guy to death. | ||
| Donald Cerrone is a good friend. | ||
| I love him. | ||
| Every time I see him, I hug him. | ||
| I can't talk bad about him. | ||
| I know the pressures of fighting. | ||
| I know what it meant to be there. | ||
| And I know what it meant to be there in the biggest fight of his career. | ||
| And Stephen A. Smith had some points. | ||
| He had some really good points. | ||
| Donald didn't perform to the best of his ability. | ||
| He got overwhelmed by the superior fighter. | ||
| That's just how it is. | ||
| But my perspective was not the same because my perspective is that it's really what Conor McGregor did To Donald Cerrone that led to the outcome. | ||
| It's not that Donald didn't show up. | ||
| It's that Connor was superior. | ||
| So my position is always to highlight the one who is effective. | ||
| To talk positively about the one who dominated and who had a spectacular performance. | ||
| It's never to talk badly about the one who got his ass kicked. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because I've been hit before. | ||
| I've been fucked up before. | ||
| I've lost before. | ||
| I know what it feels like. | ||
| And I've been around these guys. | ||
| I know who they are. | ||
| I know everything about their ability. | ||
| I know everything about their history. | ||
| I know everything about their career. | ||
| I respect them to the core. | ||
| I will never talk badly about them. | ||
| So I never talk badly about someone who doesn't perform to the best of their ability. | ||
| So our exchange, although it was respectful, It was indicative of a different philosophy. | ||
| It's a different sport. | ||
| If you're talking about basketball, you're talking about a sport. | ||
| You're talking about a guy who throws a ball into a net. | ||
| It's very difficult. | ||
| They're paid extremely well because it's so entertaining and they're so good. | ||
| Fighting is who you are. | ||
| It's who you are as a human. | ||
| It's your soul. | ||
| You're exposed. | ||
| You're literally naked. | ||
| You have a cup over your dick. | ||
| You have shorts over your ass. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| That's all you have. | ||
| You have little pads on your knuckles, and then you have your personality, your flaws, your pros and cons exposed to the world. | ||
| And you have to be charitable. | ||
| You have to be because it's almost like, if I was going to use an analogy with another sport, it was almost like, because you get hurt in MMA. Like, Donald Cerrone was hurt. | ||
| So, like, it's fine when you're watching basketball to be like, this team didn't show up when all the guys go back to the locker room and they're just, like, emotionally dejected. | ||
| But, like, it would be like if you watch a guy break his leg in basketball or, like, really gets hurt and then you go, he didn't show up! | ||
| You know, and so you're going, like, that's not the right tone to have when someone's actually... | ||
| Physically been hurt, you know? | ||
| I know, I know. | ||
| And Stephen A. Smith, we disagreed and we went back and forth. | ||
| Even the way he responded was very respectful, and I really appreciate that. | ||
| The way he responded to me about that was very respectful. | ||
| He's a good guy. | ||
| He's doing a thing, and he's fucking great at it, man. | ||
| He was doing his thing. | ||
| He's doing his thing. | ||
| And what was interesting about that moment is I think we all learned as a fan, from a fan's perspective, we're like, oh, that's the tone of MMA for that reason. | ||
| At the end, there's a reason why guys go bad to each other, because that guy must have so much respect for that guy, because he knows what that guy put on the line, and he knows how that guy's feeling. | ||
| He knows how that guy's physically hurt, and the courage that it takes. | ||
| Like you said, it's a difference between putting a ball in a hoop. | ||
| Those things are great, but you're not sacrificing... | ||
| Guys get hurt. | ||
| They get hurt for real. | ||
| Listen, no one's ever died in MMA, but it's certainly possible. | ||
| I shouldn't say no one's died in MMA. No one's died in the UFC, but they have died in MMA. They've certainly died in boxing. | ||
| There's levels. | ||
| The way I describe MMA is high-level problem-solving with dire physical consequences. | ||
| That's pretty accurate, yeah. | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
| That's my description of what it is, and I will always show those guys respect. | ||
| But I respect Stephen A. Smith, too. | ||
| I like what he does. | ||
| I think he's funny. | ||
| He's fun. | ||
| He's fun. | ||
| He causes arguments. | ||
| He talks shit, and that's why he's so huge. | ||
| He's so huge because he does that thing, and it's applicable for sports. | ||
| It's applicable for football, but it's... | ||
| I don't think you should have the same approach for MMA. The same way... | ||
| Look, people can criticize human beings for all sorts of different things, but when you talk about soldiers and veterans, you're talking about a completely different type of consequences for their actions. | ||
| Completely different levels of stress for what they have to go through, right? | ||
| So if you discuss politicians, you can discuss politicians in one way, but when you discuss veterans, I think you have to have a level of respect. | ||
| They deserve a level of respect because they're existing in a realm where the consequences are as grave as is humanly possible. | ||
| There's no more grave consequences than war. | ||
| It's like when you talk, and like my dad fought in Korea, and you can... | ||
| That's exemplified by when you talk to a veteran, they don't talk. | ||
| They don't go like, hey man, we mowed down. | ||
| They don't want to talk about it. | ||
| You can't go to a veteran. | ||
| You couldn't go to my dad and be like, we really fucking whooped those Chinese. | ||
| My dad would be like, you don't know anything about war. | ||
| You don't know. | ||
| My dad didn't feel good about it. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| I took my dad once. | ||
| This was a big mistake I made. | ||
| This is a true story. | ||
| Me and my friend, we came back from camp, and my dad would always take us to the movies. | ||
| So we would go to the movies all the time. | ||
| That was back when you read in the paper. | ||
| And we went to see Hamburger Hill, which was that Vietnam movie. | ||
| So we go there, me and my boy, my childhood friend and my dad, and during the movie, my dad's just going, ah, he's making noises. | ||
| Then he starts cursing in the movie theater, crowded movie, like, what the fuck is this? | ||
| What did you take me to? | ||
| This fucking shit! | ||
| And he's going like, this is fucking, is this entertaining? | ||
| And we're just sitting there, we're like eight years old, and then he leaves. | ||
| And me and my friend were just sitting there. | ||
| And then we left, we got in the car, and he's screaming at us while he's driving. | ||
| A few times, he lost it. | ||
| He would look back. | ||
| He wasn't even looking at the road. | ||
| And he was like, do you know what it's like if he died in your arms? | ||
| And we were sitting there, and my friend starts crying. | ||
| He's fucking crying. | ||
| He's scared. | ||
| And then there's quiet. | ||
| There was quiet. | ||
| And then he just goes, you guys want to get some pizza? | ||
|
unidentified
|
And we were just sitting there like this, like... | |
| And we went and got pizza. | ||
| His moment passed. | ||
| It's a different thing. | ||
| Like you said, it's real. | ||
| It's as real as anything that's ever existed. | ||
| We're so detached from that now. | ||
| America's just... | ||
| Soft. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Someone said something to me once, and it's a great thing, and I wish I could remember who said it, but I repeat it all the time, is that the worst thing that's ever happened to you is the worst thing that's ever happened to you. | ||
| So if the worst thing that's ever happened to you is someone popped your basketball, you're going to cry like a bitch. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You're like, I can't believe you broke my basketball! | |
| You break Mike Tyson's basketball, he's going to be like, well, I guess I need a new basketball. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Yeah, it's relative. | ||
| It's relative. | ||
| And I think our society, our culture... | ||
| You know, this is an old expression. | ||
| That hard times make hard men. | ||
| Hard men make easy times. | ||
| Easy times make soft men. | ||
| It's an old expression, and it's very, very appropriate for today. | ||
| Because when people talk about the problems of today, and there are problems, but our problems are relatively insignificant in comparison to the problems of history. | ||
| But they're the only problems that we know. | ||
| The problems that we experience today are the most extreme problems that we've experienced. | ||
| But in comparison to the fucking barbarians storming Rome, or the fucking Aztecs slaughtering 80,000 people after the completion of temples, the fucking Mayans dying because of probably disease. | ||
| Native Americans experiencing the Europeans moving across the continent, destroying their way of life. | ||
| These fucking problems are the greatest problems we've ever known, but they're only great in comparison to the life that we've lived, and the life that we've lived is fairly soft. | ||
| Yeah, even just when you look at plagues, like the Spanish flu wiped out like 40, 50 million people, which is equivalent to like 400 million people now. | ||
| You got through COVID? How hard was it? | ||
| I got through COVID. What was the toughest part? | ||
| Well, because I'm a bitch, kind of. | ||
| I was like, I'm scared! | ||
| Jamie got through it the day. | ||
| Most of it was like the mental part was like, I was scared just because like, how the, you know, you turn on the media and everything's always like, they report on everything. | ||
| They're like, one person is paralyzed. | ||
| You're like, alright dude, that's one person. | ||
| Did you really have to, the media's gotta report everything because it's like, we're living through a media boom. | ||
| It's almost like, Too much. | ||
| There's not enough news for them to cover. | ||
| If you reported on fucking every single bad thing that happened, people would be so scared, and that's what they're doing. | ||
| That's the problem. | ||
| Let's say you live in Austin, Texas, and you report on the worst things that happened in Austin, Texas. | ||
| I mean, there's a car accident here and there. | ||
| There's a murder here and there. | ||
| There's a few robberies. | ||
| There's not a lot. | ||
| Probably a few shootings. | ||
| But if you look at the world, now you're talking about 7 point whatever billion fucking people. | ||
| If you have the bad news app on your phone and it's just only giving you bad news and it's just fucking coming at you and waves like a Twitter feed. | ||
| All bad, bad, bad, bad, bad. | ||
| You're scared to go outside. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| But we're not supposed to be getting... | ||
| People listening are like, what is that? | ||
| Yeah, it's a lighter. | ||
| It sounded like I was smoking crack. | ||
| It's goddamn Torch. | ||
| It's a Calibri. | ||
| The problem is we're getting too much data. | ||
| Like, it's not applicable to our life. | ||
| You're supposed to get the data that's applicable to your life, you know? | ||
| It was like I had the oxygen monitor during my COVID because, like, you know, you want to just make sure... | ||
| I had double pneumonia. | ||
| But because I had... | ||
| What's double pneumonia? | ||
| Each lung had inflammation and fluid and... | ||
| Usually there's only one? | ||
| You can get it on one side, I guess, but it doubles on both. | ||
| Sounds better. | ||
| Yeah, it's even at least. | ||
| Sounds like you're suffering more. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm trying to make it sound worse. | ||
| I had double pneumonia. | ||
| I had double pneumonia. | ||
| It was bad. | ||
| And a hangnail. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But because I had it, I was checking it more. | ||
| It's like the same thing with your phone and news. | ||
| It's like because we can, we just end up just checking it and worrying more and worrying more. | ||
| The amount that people bitch, the irony of it, the amount that people complain and think things are bad is actually an indication of how great things are. | ||
| It's like the point that people can disagree is actually a great sign. | ||
| Because you go to China, you can't disagree there. | ||
| If you're in a country where you can't have a civil disagreement, you're in a country that is not great. | ||
| Do you know what's going on with this guy Jack Ma? | ||
| No. | ||
| Jack Ma is a billionaire in China. | ||
| He's the head of something called Alibaba, which I believe is like the Amazon of China. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And he criticized... | ||
| Old neighborhood. | ||
| Yeah, I think it's like a genie, too. | ||
| Yeah, it was a genie. | ||
| Jack Ma criticized the Chinese government. | ||
| For being like behind the times. | ||
| Can't do that, yeah. | ||
| And he's vanished. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And he's a billionaire. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He's like one of the richest men in the world. | ||
| And they haven't seen him in two months. | ||
| Yeah, that happens, you know? | ||
| Guys get lost. | ||
| And then I read, like, there's a history of these things happening. | ||
| Whenever some billionaire from China talks some shit, they vanish them. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| This guy hasn't been seen from. | ||
| There he is. | ||
| Whoopsie. | ||
| Vanishing barons. | ||
| Alibaba founder Jack Ma and four other Chinese billionaires who had mysteriously gone missing. | ||
| Oh shit, and he actually did an interview. | ||
| Jack Ma did an interview with Elon Musk. | ||
| You can watch it on YouTube where Elon Musk didn't like him. | ||
| It's an awkward interview. | ||
| Elon didn't like him? | ||
| Yeah, well Elon kind of like gets a little like snarky with him because he's asking like dumb questions. | ||
| What kind of dumb questions is he? | ||
| I don't remember, but... | ||
| He might not be able to be really good at English. | ||
| You know... | ||
| Maybe his questions were dumb. | ||
| Yeah, maybe he just didn't understand him, yeah. | ||
| He just got kind of annoyed with what he was asking, I remember. | ||
| See if you can find that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Definitely, because I remember the kid. | ||
| The kid's a weird-looking kid, and I remember it. | ||
| Yeah, he's got a giant head, like he's too smart for his own good. | ||
| He literally looks like an egghead. | ||
| Yeah, it's like his face is normal size, but his head is like, I have too much knowledge! | ||
| Which is like, people who have weird stuff should look at the silver lining of that. | ||
| Like, you're memorable, at least, you know? | ||
| Yeah, here it is. | ||
| Jack Ma and Elon Musk are worried about a population collapse. | ||
| Collapse? | ||
| Yeah, that's something that people like on AI in Shanghai. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| Yeah, I don't know what happened, but that dude has vanished. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That poor bastard. | ||
| Well, yeah. | ||
| He fucked up. | ||
| It's a symptom of... | ||
| It's a symptom in China of saying something that the government doesn't like. | ||
| I mean, they're a communist regime and, you know, that's what they did. | ||
| They got Hong Kong now and, you know, under the cover of COVID. Nobody talks about that conspiracy. | ||
| It's like they've been talking – like war is not going to be fought anymore where people storming your border or – that's antiquated. | ||
| You can't do that. | ||
| Everyone's got thermonuclear weapons. | ||
| And so now – Nations kind of fight the way women fight, passively, aggressively. | ||
| Subterfuge. | ||
| A little like, we love you! | ||
| And then there's a virus that gets crept across, and then we kind of just took Hong Kong with a security law under the cover of darkness. | ||
| Well, the weird thing is that there was these demonstrations in Hong Kong that were on the street forever. | ||
| Remember those? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| For months and months and months, and now they've sort of mysteriously vanished. | ||
| They always have ended, yeah. | ||
| They threw water on that shit. | ||
| Yeah, and they've been wanting Hong Kong, and they've been vocal about it for a long time. | ||
| Like, hey, no, this is one China. | ||
| We're gonna take it back and now it's like they're taking it back and they're doing it in a very Smart like with the way a smart woman would do it like I don't see a way out of it for them either for China It's like for the Chinese people like I don't they're too powerful. | ||
| It's a they can um I don't know man. | ||
| It makes a good argument for how that system has can be advantageous You know like it people who are from there who come to America who understand the dangers of it? | ||
| It's a very eerie warning. | ||
| Yeah I had Melissa Chen on my podcast. | ||
| I follow her. | ||
| She's great. | ||
| She's really great. | ||
| But her worries about China are, you know, like a lot of people are like, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| But like, no, no, no. | ||
| She really actually understands what the dangers are. | ||
| And that's the dangers of accepting authoritarianism. | ||
| Authoritarianism in this country is like, there's a lot of people that like it because it silences their opponents. | ||
| What's going on right now with Parler's getting shut down, and Amazon pulls it from their servers, and then Apple pulls it off of their App Store, and then Google pulls it off the Google Play Store, and everybody's like, yeah, good, they're spreading hate. | ||
| Like, hmm... | ||
| What percentage is spreading hate? | ||
| What's the numbers? | ||
| Is this wise that we shut down all discourse that you agree with? | ||
| Like, yeah, it's not good if someone gets on there and they're talking about violence against the government or violence against individuals or they're spreading racist ideas or whatever the fuck they're doing that disturbs people and angers people. | ||
| You're right. | ||
| That's not good. | ||
| But I do not think the solution is to shut them down because the real problem is that it sets a weird precedent. | ||
| It sets a precedent where the people that are in power can decide that something is wrong speak, something is bad, and you can just eliminate it completely. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then when things like that happen, they keep going. | ||
| They don't just stop at that. | ||
| They don't stop at things that we can all agree are terrible. | ||
| They go to things that maybe you don't think are terrible but other people do think are terrible. | ||
| And then they keep going further than that. | ||
| You see this with the left. | ||
| Like, there's a lot of people that claim to be leftist. | ||
| They claim to be left-wing, but they're not quite left-wing enough, and so they get taken out by people who are more left-wing. | ||
| And it gets weird because it becomes this sort of political, ideological wrestling match for control of what is the left and what is the right. | ||
| What is the center? | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Where is the right? | ||
| If you disagree with anything on the left, you're the right. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| And you might be extreme right. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Yeah, no, you're a Nazi if you disagree. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes! | |
| But I think what you're saying already happened because with this incident, you're going like, okay, we blame – Donald Trump's the president. | ||
| His rhetoric was kind of – you can interpret it as like he kind of gave them license to go do that. | ||
| So shouldn't the buck stop with Donald Trump? | ||
| Like Donald Trump – that's even a little bit of a debatable thing. | ||
| You're going like he was speaking. | ||
| Legally, you're going like that's a First Amendment thing. | ||
| He was speaking. | ||
| He said peacefully go over there. | ||
| It's interpretable. | ||
| Yeah, but he gives mixed signals. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| In my opinion is he did. | ||
| The problem with him is he says, we have to be strong. | ||
| You have to go march to the Capitol. | ||
| He gives mixed signals. | ||
| And he says, we have to do this correctly. | ||
| We have to respect our great country. | ||
| Whoa, whoa, whoa. | ||
| What was that shit you said the other day? | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| You said that they don't respect anything other than strength. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You said, go march towards the Capitol. | ||
| You're firing people up. | ||
| And you're firing people up, but they live with their mom. | ||
| They're in the basement. | ||
| They have no fucking job. | ||
| Their identity is entirely associated with this movement. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, my opinion is that. | ||
| But I'm saying legally, it's debatable. | ||
| Like what he said, you could argue in court. | ||
| But then the buck should stop there. | ||
| I mean, it's already happening where they're going, oh no, let's take this opportunity to shut down Parler. | ||
| Let's take this opportunity. | ||
| They're going after Andy Ngo's book now. | ||
| Let's get that out of stores. | ||
| They want to keep going because it's this orgy of kind of like, let's shut down this stuff that leads to... | ||
| And you're like, wait a second. | ||
| How can you prove it leads to that? | ||
| I mean... | ||
| Idiots are going to do what idiots do. | ||
| And to me, that was a coup attempt. | ||
| That was a coup attempt by guys who believe... | ||
| That's what you'd expect a coup attempt would look like by guys who believe that Hillary Clinton's a shapeshifter and she turns into a reptile. | ||
| That's what you'd imagine it would look like. | ||
| What are we doing? | ||
| Okay, let's go in there with Trump flags and take selfies. | ||
| God, it's so dumb. | ||
| And let's go kidnap Nancy Pelosi with zip ties. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Zip ties. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Stacks of zip ties, like more zip ties than there are members of the Senate. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| If anything, it was just like an inept coup attempt. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, it's losers. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's losers who decided this is their moment in the sun. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And meanwhile, they're all COVID deniers, so they're not wearing masks. | ||
| No. | ||
| Because they're so fucking stupid. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, that guy's sitting on Pelosi's office with his feet up on her table. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, what did he think was going to happen? | ||
| He thought he was winning. | ||
| He thought he was winning. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He was like, this is it. | |
| It's funny. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And if you look at that guy... | ||
| Like, his bone structure is very primitive. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You ever see the photo of that guy? | ||
| Like, he has, like, a chimpanzee face. | ||
| Yeah, well, you know, I think... | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Yeah, if you did, like, a DNA test of the people who did that, I think you would find that they're, like, barely sliding into human. | ||
| Like, it's a play at the plate. | ||
| Like, you gotta go check the instant replay and see if a finger got in there. | ||
| They're closer to that than they are, like... | ||
| Smarter people. | ||
| Well, that dude, that one particular dude, see, pull up a photo of that dude with his feet on Nancy Pelosi's desk. | ||
| He's very chimp-like in his bone structure. | ||
| Look, look at that. | ||
| But go to the one on the right-hand side. | ||
| Look how prominent his cheekbones are. | ||
| Right there. | ||
| That one down there in the corner where he's got the paper where he's holding up her mail. | ||
| Go look at that. | ||
| Come on, son. | ||
| Yeah, he does. | ||
| That is very chimp-like bone structure. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Look, evolution is not a fucking fair race. | ||
| No, it's not, man. | ||
| I realize that when I talk to guys like Elon Musk. | ||
| I'm like, oh, you're way ahead of me. | ||
| Yeah, he's just on a different level. | ||
| Yeah, I think there's like four levels of humans. | ||
| There's like, you got your really dumb, you got your brilliant, you got guys who can kind of look at the brilliant and say he's brilliant, and then you got guys a little below who can look at the guys who know that the guys are brilliant and go like, that guy's smart. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And then you got your Elon Musk. | ||
| Elon Musk is the brilliant at the top. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I've got ideas. | ||
| I've got ideas. | ||
| I can't stop them. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You're talking. | ||
| He's looking at us like we're going like, ooh, ha, ha, ha. | ||
| Every time we speak, he just hears chimp noises. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| I have that feeling every time I talk to him. | ||
| Like, don't say something stupid. | ||
| Don't say something stupid. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But to him, everything's being a little like, yeah. | ||
| Everything's stupid. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's talking. | ||
| He's like, sorry, engineering was happening here. | ||
| I'm like, What's going on? | ||
| Yeah, this is- Figure out differential equations. | ||
| Yeah, how do you govern that shit? | ||
| How do you govern that shit without being a dictatorship? | ||
| Because I look at Rome and like they had the kings, then they had democracy for a little bit. | ||
| They tried to do the Greek thing, but then it was just a succession of Caesars, which are essentially dictators that kind of had the longest success. | ||
| Queen Elizabeth, the same thing, you know, just a great era. | ||
| She was a dick. | ||
| She was fucking, and she was fierce! | ||
| She was a fierce bitch. | ||
| Well, it really is interesting because it seems like our founding fathers kind of knew what the pitfalls were. | ||
| So they tried to put a bunch of checks and balances in place so no one could ever be a real dictator. | ||
| That's why they figured out the hassle. | ||
| Representatives, that's why they figured out. | ||
| The whole system, Congress, the Senate, all these different things, like the Electoral College, they tried to map it out so no one could ever completely dominate the populace. | ||
| But one of the things they fucked up is this idea of... | ||
| Slavery was a big one, too. | ||
| That's a giant one? | ||
| That's a big one. | ||
| We're all free. | ||
| Fuck! | ||
| But also... | ||
| That's weird. | ||
| The real problem was being able to vote for someone who runs the whole thing, because it's a popularity contest. | ||
| And the thing about Trump is he's the first popular person to enter the popularity contest. | ||
| Individually, like independently popular. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like that had never happened before. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| And he hijacked it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Someone who has like mastered reality TV and Twitter, which are like the... | ||
| The two mediums that became what we all are kind of zombies to. | ||
| Well, and even before that, it was pop culture. | ||
| This guy was in rap songs, and he was in Home Alone. | ||
| I mean, he was famous for being a baller a long time ago. | ||
| Yeah, he made himself a celebrity. | ||
| He's like a comic. | ||
| Even his Twitter looks like an unhinged comic. | ||
| You know how comics pay attention to the one negative comment and we'll respond to it like idiots? | ||
| Like, we're talking about my Twitter. | ||
| It's like if I was president. | ||
| I mean, it's not a good thing. | ||
| Well, how about when Megyn Kelly was interviewing him? | ||
| She asked him a question about disparaging women and calling women pigs. | ||
| He goes... | ||
| Only Rosie O'Donnell. | ||
| I mean, how funny is that? | ||
| Timing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Perfect. | |
| I mean, crush. | ||
| He's got great timing. | ||
| I mean, he's used to working the crowd. | ||
| How about, like, I don't trust him, you know, with him in charge of it. | ||
| And when Hillary goes, like, I don't trust him with putting people in. | ||
| He goes, no, I'd put you in prison. | ||
| Yeah, because you'd be in jail. | ||
| Because you'd be in jail. | ||
| And he nails it, and the audience is like... | ||
| But then we'd realize that we had fucked up. | ||
| We'd let something out of the bottle. | ||
| We let a genie out of the bottle. | ||
| It's going to be very tough to put that fucker back in. | ||
| I don't know how we return to normal, man. | ||
| It's going to be even like... | ||
| Even when you listen to politicians now, they're going to try to... | ||
| The center and normal, reasonable rhetoric just is not entertaining. | ||
| And now we want... | ||
| Entertaining, and I blame the media. | ||
| I really go back. | ||
| My personal opinion is the media did not adapt to the digital age. | ||
| They started giving articles away free online, dependent on ads instead of subscriptions, and they increasingly got more fictionalized. | ||
| Clickbait. | ||
| More clickbait headlines, and then it just kept going and going and going. | ||
| Now it's just like car crashes. | ||
| Right, but what are they going to do? | ||
| They had to survive. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, I get it. | ||
| I mean, the internet came and this is something we have to adapt to. | ||
| Like, we can't go away. | ||
| It's great. | ||
| I mean, this show is because, this show is great. | ||
| You know, this is the only place you can listen to, you know, Michael Kosta and then you can also listen to astronauts and... | ||
| Cornell West. | ||
| Cornell West and fucking the greatest thinkers of the day. | ||
| Elon Musk, yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And it's like for a long time and you dig it because they're interesting people. | ||
| So the internet gave birth to that. | ||
| But then like, you know, without it, there's no yang without a yang. | ||
| And then also we got, you know, guys who believe that reptiles are, you know, turning into Democrats and Democrats are drinking children's blood under pizza restaurants and shit like that. | ||
| Because that's fucking entertaining. | ||
| You're not going to get a lot of followers if you're saying, hey guys, the right's kind of weird and the left's getting weird. | ||
| They're going, fuck that guy. | ||
| I want to hear about Hillary Clinton turning into a reptile and sucking off puppies. | ||
| Politicians are celebrities now. | ||
| Nancy Pelosi is this form of celebrity now. | ||
| Fucking chefs are celebrities, guys. | ||
| Get back in the fucking kitchen, you fat fuck. | ||
| I don't want to see your Crocs and your fucking sauce-stained schmuck. | ||
| What are you doing outside of the kitchen? | ||
| Why am I listening to a fucking chef? | ||
| They're artists. | ||
| Do your drugs back there. | ||
| They got to do coke because they work long hours and like get back. | ||
| One of them was entertaining and unfortunately he's not here. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He was the most. | ||
| Yeah, but he kind of fucking ruined it, man, because he was so dope. | ||
| Now I got to listen to fucking Mario Batella, you know. | ||
| Yeah, I wish he was still around. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Fuck! | ||
| He was so great. | ||
| He was a real dude. | ||
| And then it becomes pop, just like everything. | ||
| What Austin's scared of with this California invasion. | ||
| Yeah, well, Austin's... | ||
| Not you, but they're like, yeah, let's keep Austin Austin. | ||
| Well, they're worried about Texas in general becoming blue versus red. | ||
| And I think what Texas needs is a blue spot in a red state. | ||
| I think they're better off with that. | ||
| They're better off with the regulations of the Republicans where they allow the restaurants to stay open and they allow business and they allow even art, like stand-up comedy. | ||
| You know, I got a show tonight with Chappelle at Stubbs. | ||
| Barbecue. | ||
| Just a little show. | ||
| We're doing that because we can do it in Texas. | ||
| Where it makes sense. | ||
| Where they say, okay, we're going to test the people. | ||
| We're going to COVID test the entire crowd. | ||
| Can we jam 400 people into this place? | ||
| Are you testing them? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And they're like, okay, good. | ||
| In California, you can't do anything. | ||
| That's a great point, man. | ||
| You can't do fucking anything. | ||
| You can't do anything. | ||
| And they're like, we need to protect people. | ||
| We need to protect people. | ||
| Except the people that are losing their fucking jobs. | ||
| Except people that are losing their business they've had for 30 years in their family. | ||
| They're losing it because of incompetent government that doesn't recognize the fact that there's consequences to all decisions. | ||
| And you can't just decide that you're going to stop business. | ||
| You have to think, like, well, what does this do? | ||
| What's the trickle-down effect? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| What does this do for suicide, depression, alcohol and drug abuse? | ||
| What does this do to domestic abuse, child abuse? | ||
| There are consequences to this. | ||
| How bad is this? | ||
| We're in a bad space, but is it the worst space? | ||
| No, it's not. | ||
| Adjust! | ||
| Adjust! | ||
| You can't argue that, man. | ||
| It's really exposed the failure for us to be prepared. | ||
| The failure in bureaucracy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, because it's a real Sophie's Choice, but... | ||
| Sophie's Choice, that's a good one. | ||
| Yeah, that's a real Sophie's Choice where you got to choose between... | ||
| Explain that to people. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What is Sophie's Choice? | |
| Sophie's Choice is like she had to choose... | ||
| It's a great movie by... | ||
| A great movie with Meryl Streep, you know, that a lot of people just were... | ||
| You're supposed to read the book in high school, but then you just saw the movie and you're like, yeah, I read it. | ||
| Because it's like a thousand pages. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But it's a great... | ||
| What it basically means is you have to choose between two bad options. | ||
| She had to choose between which kid she was going to pick during the Holocaust. | ||
| And of course she went with the guy because, you know, old Spartan rules. | ||
| You know, the kid can lift shit. | ||
| I'm kidding, ladies. | ||
| But I don't remember which one he picked. | ||
| I don't remember which one she picked. | ||
| And I just called her him, but I don't know what she's doing these days. | ||
| Well, she might be him now. | ||
| Who knows? | ||
| She could just go back and forth. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| Spoilers. | ||
| She chose him? | ||
| Spoiler! | ||
|
unidentified
|
From the 80s! | |
| What was Sophie's choice? | ||
| How come she hasn't been fucking put on notice for that? | ||
| She chose the boy over the girl. | ||
| I'll put her on notice. | ||
| It's fiction. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you could do that back then. | ||
| Today they would rewrite it. | ||
| They would. | ||
| Like she chose the girl. | ||
| She chose a trans girl. | ||
| She chose a trans girl. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So yeah, it's Sophie's choice between the economy and ICU's being overrun. | ||
| You gotta think that out a little better. | ||
| Even Cuomo's admitting it now. | ||
| He's going like, we can't continue to do this. | ||
| You're like, dude, you should have kind of been sympathizing with that a little bit more a little earlier. | ||
| Well, in his defense, no one knew. | ||
| They didn't know. | ||
| They didn't know what this was gonna be. | ||
| They're all figuring it out as they go along. | ||
| One of the problems with Monday morning quarterbacking is everybody's looking back at his decisions. | ||
| And saying, you know, hey, you should have done this, you should have done that. | ||
| We didn't know what the fuck it was. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We thought it was going to kill everybody. | ||
| We didn't know what it was. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We didn't know we'd be in a room right now with me, maskless, with two people that have survived COVID. Yeah. | ||
| We didn't know. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I am a survivor. | ||
| I'm not a victim. | ||
| I'm a survivor. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You're a survivor. | |
| I'm a survivor. | ||
| I had a stomach ache. | ||
| Do you have the eye of the tiger? | ||
| I got the eye of the tiger. | ||
| I'm a survivor. | ||
| I was listening to it while I had COVID. Yeah. | ||
| I went on tour with that guy. | ||
| The guy from Survivor. | ||
| Me and Charlie Murphy and John Heffron. | ||
| We did a Real Men of Comedy tour. | ||
| It was a Bud Light Maxim tour. | ||
| And the Survivor guy, the singer, rest in peace. | ||
| They would sing songs, like the Real Men of Genius. | ||
| Remember those Bud Light songs? | ||
| You remember those, Jamie? | ||
| Yeah, I was thinking like, that's why, because they're sponsored by me. | ||
| Yeah, he would sing those songs at the shows. | ||
| It was really fun. | ||
| He was a good dude, man. | ||
| He was a fun guy. | ||
| Eye of the Tiger guy. | ||
| And he would sing songs for Bud Light at these shows that we did. | ||
| It was really fun. | ||
| That's dope. | ||
| I went on tour with Charlie Murphy. | ||
| And Donnell, when I was first starting comedy... | ||
| What year was this? | ||
| This was 2005 or 2006, right when Chappelle's show was like... | ||
| That's right before we did our tour. | ||
| We did our tour in 2007. Yeah, and it was like, man, that was crazy how popular that show was. | ||
| I remember walking in the mall with Charlie Murphy and everyone was like, fuck your couch, Charlie Murphy! | ||
| And one day, me and Charlie Murphy went alone to the mall because I had to buy underwear because I wasn't like an experienced road comic. | ||
| I was just selling Donnell's posters and like doing five minutes. | ||
| And me and him, I went to the mall because I had to buy underwear because I ran out of underwear. | ||
| And it was just me and him walking. | ||
| And he's just every step of the walk. | ||
| I'm rich, bitch! | ||
| I mean, that show was a cultural phenomenon. | ||
| It's the greatest sketch comedy show in the history of the world and it only ran two seasons. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Comedy Central fucked it up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, they did that third season without Chappelle. | ||
| Yeah, you know. | ||
| And Donnell hosted it, and they're still tight. | ||
| Him and Dave are still tight. | ||
| Donnell's going to be there tonight. | ||
| Yeah, Donnell's my old... | ||
| When do you fly back? | ||
| I'm going to L.A. tomorrow. | ||
| So you're free tonight? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Come to the show. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| Donnell and me go back. | ||
| Donnell got me into comedy. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Donnell's the guy that kind of got me into comedy. | ||
| I quit because I was like, I got shot and then I was having panic. | ||
| When did you get shot? | ||
| I wanted to ask you about that. | ||
| What happened? | ||
| The fictional story or the real one? | ||
| The one I tell girls? | ||
| The real one. | ||
| Oh, the real one. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Because I used to say, hey, I was over at Darforge saving children. | ||
| You know, you take some fire. | ||
| It's what you do when you're saving the world. | ||
| But no, when I first started doing comedy, I was working in nightclubs. | ||
| And I used to work at this nightclub that was kind of thuggish. | ||
| It was like a thuggish, like real... | ||
| Real thugs went there, and my friend was a promoter, and he would carry thousands of dollars of cash with him, and so it was like an attempted robbery, and yeah, I got shot point-blank range, 38, right here in the leg. | ||
| Right by my piece. | ||
| Yeah, it was close. | ||
| Thank God my penis isn't bigger, you know? | ||
| Missed. | ||
| Right there, and it lodged itself in my butt cheek. | ||
| And then a couple years later, the bullet came out. | ||
| Funny story, when the surgeon, they took it out, because a foreign object will slowly work its way to the surface, like your body will reject it. | ||
| So it got to the point where I could feel it, and then I had surgery, they put me under, took it out, and I remember they were taking it out, and I was coming to, and the surgeon was down there with the nurse, and I just farted right in their face, because I was up in stirrups. | ||
| So when I came to, it was like a huge fart. | ||
| It was hilarious. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| I was doing social work when I got the x-ray right before I went to the surgeon. | ||
| I was doing social work. | ||
| So I worked with like a lot of older Christian ladies. | ||
| And I went and got the x-ray and brought it back to my office. | ||
| And they all wanted to see the bullet. | ||
| And I hadn't looked at the x-ray yet. | ||
| And they all gathered around all these older Christian women and I took the x-ray out and put it against the window and it was like you could just see my penis like it was like my limp penis because it was an x-ray of my pelvis so it shows up on the x-ray you saw the bullet it was like a and then like my penis just like a ghost penis yeah it's like a police sketch of my penis like the outline of it and they were like oh and they all kind of like turned away it was hilarious yeah it's hilarious yeah Did the guy shoot you because he wanted to make a point? | ||
| He was robbing. | ||
| He was trying to rob because he knew that... | ||
| But why did he shoot you? | ||
| So what happened was, like, we were getting in the car and... | ||
| Notice I said he. | ||
| I assumed you weren't robbed by a woman. | ||
| Yeah, which is kind of like, Joe. | ||
| Sexist. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Why couldn't a woman shoot me? | ||
| They're capable. | ||
| They are. | ||
| They are. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They should be equally represented in prison as well. | ||
| Occasionally they are when they're on coke. | ||
| Yeah, we need to put more women in prison for equal representation in prison. | ||
| So I look back and I saw him, he had a mask on, gloves, he was coming, like as we were getting in the car, And I just made a decision to try to get in the car and tell my friend to drive, which was stupid. | ||
| He kind of sped up and then kind of fell into the car. | ||
| It was a Jeep, thank God, because I was higher up. | ||
| Because if it was lower, it might have been, you know, somewhere here. | ||
| And then the gun was kind of like in the car. | ||
| I saw it and I just grabbed his arm. | ||
| And then I like pushed it down and he fired. | ||
| So it just went bang. | ||
| And then, yeah, I got shot right there. | ||
| And then like I kind of, I remember making a like concerted decision to pretend like I was hurt. | ||
| It was just a decision on the moment. | ||
| Like I just like really hurt even though I didn't know if I was or wasn't. | ||
| So I kind of just like slithered down on him and he kicked me a few times I remember and then he ran and the cops they caught him because that club was always a problem so cops were always close by. | ||
| What year was this? | ||
| This was 2001. May 2001. So you just started? | ||
| I just started. | ||
| I just started comedy. | ||
| And you kept going after that? | ||
| Yeah, see, I get emotional when I think about it because it really derailed. | ||
| Well, I quit for a while because I get on stage and I start having these panic attacks and I didn't know what that was. | ||
| Like, I was totally... | ||
| I didn't know what... | ||
| I'd get on the train and I'd start bugging out. | ||
| Like, I was cool for a little while. | ||
| Like, right afterwards, I got right back to it. | ||
| And I think I even did an SNL audition with Jason Steinberg who set me up with it at Stand Up New York. | ||
| It was the year that Rob Riggle got it. | ||
| And I did it like I limped up on stage. | ||
| It was like two nights and I bombed. | ||
| And then the panic attacks started happening and then I didn't know what those were. | ||
| I was like, what is this? | ||
| And it was like PTSD, I guess. | ||
| And I'm an anxious person to begin with. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It was a weird thing. | ||
| And then I kind of quit comedy for a couple years and Donnell... | ||
| Donnell's the guy that kind of like I would do... | ||
| I became friends with him through this guy, Adam. | ||
| And then he would have me on his show once a week at this place, Miriam Square on Upper East Side. | ||
| And then he took me on the road and that's how I really started again in like 2005, 2006 when Chappelle's show was hit and I became friends with Donnell and... | ||
| And that was it. | ||
| He would encourage me. | ||
| He was like, yo, son, you're funny. | ||
| Son, son! | ||
| I mean, he's been saying son for 20 years. | ||
| Forever! | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He probably calls his son, son, son! | ||
| Son! | ||
| Yo, son, come in here, son! | ||
| Donnell's a national treasure. | ||
| I love that dude. | ||
| I owe him really a lot. | ||
| He was the guy who got me into it again. | ||
| So, thank you, Donnell. | ||
| He's been a good friend ever since. | ||
| He's a wild kid. | ||
| He's a hilarious dude. | ||
| He's so funny, dude. | ||
| He shakes the room. | ||
| He's one of those guys that when he connects, like... | ||
| I remember he used to do these old black rooms where I would start. | ||
| He would put me up, this place called Pokeknockers, where somebody got... | ||
| What's that called? | ||
| Pokeknockers in Brooklyn. | ||
| Pokeknockers. | ||
| Spell it. | ||
| P-O-K and then knockers. | ||
| And it was like, it was a black room. | ||
| I mean, like, I walked in and it was like everyone thought I was a cop kind of thing, you know? | ||
| And he would rip people, he would host, and like anyone who walked by the stage, he would just rip them. | ||
| And I remember one night I bombed so bad that when I got off, it was like... | ||
| I was scared to just walk out. | ||
| And I was hoping there was another exit. | ||
| You ever bomb so bad you want to leave your jacket somewhere? | ||
| It was one of those. | ||
| And he would just rip. | ||
| I mean, he would rip. | ||
| It was the first time I saw Burr. | ||
| And Burr walked in, just crushed. | ||
| Him and Rich Voss were the only two guys you would see go into those black rooms and just level. | ||
| And I remember the first thing Burr said, because this show was in Da Hood. | ||
| It was in Bed-Stuy. | ||
| And the first thing Burr said when he got up there, he was like, ah! | ||
| Good to be back in the old neighborhood. | ||
| No fear, just kind of, and then did him and just leveled. | ||
| He's a national treasure. | ||
| There's a few of those guys out there that just no matter what happens, they're still swinging. | ||
| Chappelle's one of them. | ||
| There's a few of those guys, no matter what happens, they're still just swinging. | ||
| Just swinging. | ||
| They don't stop what they're doing. | ||
| People don't realize how fragile real comedy actually is. | ||
| It's like, they want to take what you're saying as fact. | ||
| Like, this is what you really think. | ||
| No, they're saying that because it's a funny thing to say. | ||
| Patrice had the best take on it. | ||
| There was a time where Opie and Anthony got in trouble for something, and Patrice was on this talk show and he was talking to her about it. | ||
| There was this woman on the show who was saying, like, this is inappropriate. | ||
| You should never say this. | ||
| She goes, you've got to understand that... | ||
| When a comedian says something, whether it makes you laugh or it makes you angry, it's all coming from the same place. | ||
| They're trying to make you laugh. | ||
| The intention is important. | ||
| They're just trying to make you laugh. | ||
| They're not trying to take down the world, unless they're terrible, unless they're really a bad person. | ||
| Most comedians are not. | ||
| But we don't necessarily know if something's going to hit until you say it. | ||
| But the whole intention is just to get a good feeling from the audience. | ||
| You want everybody to go, bah! | ||
| I can't believe you said that, Giannis! | ||
| That's the whole reason to say it. | ||
| Yeah, and usually the guys who are saying all the right things, those are the ones you gotta watch. | ||
| Vince Champ, Bill Cosby, I'm clean, don't curse. | ||
| So true, right? | ||
| So true. | ||
| People don't understand. | ||
| Bad people don't announce they're bad. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Like, you know what I mean? | ||
| If you're a serial killer, you don't walk in and go, hey, can I rape you? | ||
| It's like, they pretend to be the opposite of who they are. | ||
| So you should want comedians to say bad things. | ||
| And like, yeah, you're trying to define comedy out of existence. | ||
| Like, the class clown wasn't funny because he said the right thing at the right time. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| It's like, and that's how- He was the guy that took a chance. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Huh? | |
| He was the guy that took a chance. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, he was the guy who said the wrong thing, who farted during Quaker meeting, you know? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| That was like the hardest I've still ever laughed in my entire life. | ||
| I went to Quaker school for a little while. | ||
| To be a Quaker? | ||
| It was like, well, Brooklyn Friends. | ||
| So Quakers had schools called like Friends. | ||
| You went to a Quaker school? | ||
| I went to a Quaker school for a little while, yeah. | ||
| Was your family Quakers? | ||
| No, Greek Orthodox, but like anyone could go and, you know. | ||
| Why did you go? | ||
| My parents just put me there, you know. | ||
| They thought it was a better school for you? | ||
| I thought it was a better school. | ||
| I went from public school. | ||
| I was failing out and they were like, let's put them in. | ||
| It was a private school, you know. | ||
| So I went there, and it's a Quaker school. | ||
| So it's not like an elite, it's like a Quaker school. | ||
| So it's like they have a different, you get a pass or a fail, and it's really cool. | ||
| I respect the Quakers, you know? | ||
| They didn't do slavery, and they're cool. | ||
| That's a positive. | ||
| They were on the oats. | ||
| They were on the, they make oats and shit. | ||
| They do a little inbreeding and whatnot, but you know, you know. | ||
| Every now and then. | ||
| Every now and then. | ||
| You gotta fuck your cousin. | ||
| Yeah, because I mean, there's not that many Quakers around. | ||
| Yeah, that's a problem. | ||
| Yeah, a lot of it is sitting in silence. | ||
| That's their thing. | ||
| So when you go to a Quaker school, every day you start the day with a moment of silence, the whole school is quiet, and then once a week the whole school gathers for 45 minutes and everyone sits in silence unless God moves you to speak. | ||
| Did you fart? | ||
| It was my friend who farted and it was the funniest fucking thing that's ever happened because the headmaster was sitting right in front of us and he turned around and he still had that pre-coffee morning face anger and the fart and the sound of the fart in that context and his turnaround and it was, you know when you're a kid you can't stop laughing? | ||
| And the memory, I just heard the fart in my head for 45 minutes, and I kept laughing. | ||
| We got in huge trouble. | ||
| What kind of trouble? | ||
| Like, we got kicked out. | ||
| Getting kicked out of a silent meeting, because we couldn't stop laughing. | ||
| We'd stop laughing, and then I'd go, and we'd start laughing again. | ||
| Dude, the fart, I mean, as a comedian, like, you're going after people. | ||
| Like, these journalists are going after people where we're... | ||
| Our whole field is to chase the fart, the king of comedy. | ||
| That's the funniest thing, is the fart. | ||
| It's the king. | ||
| I understand the journalist, though. | ||
| It's a target. | ||
| If that's what you're doing with your life, you've got to define targets and attack. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| I understand even when they attack me. | ||
| I understand what they're doing. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| If they wanted to have a one-on-one conversation, I think it would be better. | ||
| The problem with writing anything down without any interruption or any interjection or any explanation... | ||
| You're distorting what a thing is. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You change what a thing is by putting it in quotes and just writing it. | ||
| You make out a comic to be this bad person. | ||
| You change what it is. | ||
| Yeah, it's like taking a fish out of water. | ||
| Comedy is nothing without context. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| You can take a fish out of water and try to judge that fish, but that's not... | ||
| It's out of context. | ||
| Out of context. | ||
| Have you ever invited any of these cocksuckers on your show after they say something about you? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| They're too scared to. | ||
| They wouldn't come. | ||
| I don't have to. | ||
| It's okay. | ||
| Yeah, sorry I'm getting riled up for you. | ||
| No, but you don't need to for me, man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, for whatever reason, I have an understanding perspective. | ||
| Because you could whoop ass. | ||
| I don't know if that's it. | ||
| I've thought about it in a bunch of different ways, and I put myself in their position. | ||
| If I wasn't a funny person or a person who... | ||
| Desired to be funny, and I looked at it a certain way. | ||
| I think ultimately all of this battle, the pros and cons, all of this chaos that's going on, if we play our cards right, it's going to lead to a better world. | ||
| I really believe that. | ||
| I really do. | ||
| I'm an ultimate optimist, and I think that... | ||
| Even the people that are misrepresenting people, it gives birth to discussion and conversation. | ||
| And the people that are wise and that really understand what's going on, they're gonna defend free speech and free thought. | ||
| They're going to defend comedy because everybody loves comedy. | ||
| Everybody loves comedy. | ||
| If you don't love comedy, I mean, I feel sorry for you. | ||
| I don't understand what's wrong. | ||
| I don't know why you don't want to laugh. | ||
| If you just want to look at comedy and go, oh, you're saying that because you're bad. | ||
| Oh, don't say that! | ||
| Oh, you crossed a line! | ||
| Oh, you did this! | ||
| Those people have their own internal problems to deal with, and they're imposing those problems on people and hoping they get support from others. | ||
| The most hilarious thing is when someone chimes in and they think they're going to stop comedy, and they're in a room where everybody supports comedy, and the comic's like, oh, really? | ||
| And then they get crushed, and then they storm out of there and think, what happened? | ||
| What went wrong? | ||
|
unidentified
|
All this works in my gender studies group! | |
| They take this chance. | ||
| It's funny. | ||
| It's usually the people who've been through the least who don't appreciate comedy. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| People who've been through shit, they need comedy. | ||
| It's therapeutic for them. | ||
| You could just tell the messages we get just with the podcast. | ||
| People will message and go, hey man, you're helping me get through this time. | ||
| And it's like, if you've been through shit, you're there to laugh. | ||
| You don't care how dark it is or whatever, because it pales into comparison to the real shit you've been through. | ||
| That's why I stopped doing colleges. | ||
| I stopped doing colleges. | ||
| I was in Miami. | ||
| They don't need comedy. | ||
| Their lives are great. | ||
| They're in flip-flops. | ||
| They're taking fucking liberal arts classes. | ||
| Their parents are paying for it. | ||
| It's the worst crowds. | ||
| I did a college in Miami, and this was in like, I don't even know what year it was. | ||
| It was probably early 2000s. | ||
| And I said some joke about sex. | ||
| And I said, no judgment. | ||
| And there was a weird reaction. | ||
| I go, how many people are virgins? | ||
| And there was an uncomfortable silence. | ||
| And I go, God damn. | ||
| How many of you people are virgins? | ||
| And I realized, like, I'm talking about sex. | ||
| I'm talking about the weirdness of sex. | ||
| And it's probably like 30% of the people that have never even had it. | ||
| And I'm like, oh no. | ||
| Where were you performing? | ||
| Like Harvard or Princeton? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Miami. | |
| Somewhere in Miami. | ||
| And they didn't have sex? | ||
| No, some of them didn't. | ||
| Or if they did, maybe they had it once. | ||
| They didn't know what they were doing. | ||
| But it was a weird moment. | ||
| I think I was talking about... | ||
| I'm pretty sure the bit was about someone giving you head while looking at you. | ||
| And I'm like, there's nothing creepier than someone sucking your dick while looking you in the eyes. | ||
| Like, you don't want to be looking through the windows, the soul, while someone's got their dick in your mouth. | ||
| And I remember they were like, huh? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| And they hadn't experienced that before. | ||
| And I was like, oh, okay, okay. | ||
| And you know what? | ||
| At that age, I remember, though, at that age, like when a woman would look at me like that, I would get embarrassed. | ||
| Like, now when you get older and creepier, you want to get looked at. | ||
| But when you're younger, you're like, stop looking at me. | ||
| Exactly! | ||
| I make my wife look at me. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| But the other part of the joke was the woman in my act, and the joke was like, I'll do it with my hand. | ||
| And I said, what would make you think that you could possibly be as good at that as me? | ||
| Like, that is the most ridiculous thing ever. | ||
| I've been doing that for years! | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| And I said, having a girl jerk you off is like trying to brush your teeth with your left hand. | ||
| It's true. | ||
| It's like the most frustrating, uncoordinated, spastic. | ||
| But see, as an older pervert, that's kind of fun. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| If someone doesn't know what they're doing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, when you're older, yeah. | ||
| You get risk getting tired? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Forearm tired there? | ||
| You need something extra to get off of when you get a little older. | ||
| First hand job I get, this girl from St. Saviour's in Brooklyn, she jerked me off on a rock in the park, and I think she jerked me off for two and a half hours, because it was just like, not my hand. | ||
| So she was going like, ah, she was pulling one of those, like, ah, you know? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Exactly. | |
| She took my hand, just put it on it, and I was like, fine, let me just do it. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| You know what bit I loved of yours back in the day? | ||
| I don't know if you put it on a special or whatever, but it was so fucking funny. | ||
| It was about Hugh Hefner, the girls. | ||
| Oh yeah, that's really on a special. | ||
| Vomiting. | ||
| It was so fucking funny, man. | ||
| The only version of it out there sucks, but the version, the idea was that he had said once, someone interviewed him and they said, how do these girls feel? | ||
| Like, you know, these 20-year-old girls dating you. | ||
| And he goes, well, they feel very lucky. | ||
| This has always been a dream for them. | ||
| And I was like, lucky, lucky, living the dream! | ||
|
unidentified
|
And I can tell a bit about these poor girls. | |
| Like, hang in there! | ||
| You're gonna get a Porsche! | ||
| Hang in there! | ||
| I can't do this! | ||
| I remember I was rolling laughing when I saw that. | ||
| It was so funny. | ||
| It was such a weird... | ||
| I remember one time he came to the comedy store and I did the bit. | ||
| And everyone was like, you're gonna do the bit? | ||
| I'm like, fuck yeah, I'm gonna do the bit. | ||
| And I did the bit and then just hid... | ||
| He came to the store with two different playmates. | ||
| Because that was his thing, right? | ||
| He would go there with these girls. | ||
| And it was very performative. | ||
| It was before social media. | ||
| It was this thing where he had this persona that he would wear a fucking smoking jacket and show up everywhere with a bunch of girls. | ||
| You're like, wow, that guy, he's killing it. | ||
| And I was like, what is happening here? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Like, imagine if that's your daughter. | ||
| Like, what has gone wrong in these young ladies' lives? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Remember we had that show, the girls next to us? | ||
| Those poor ladies. | ||
| You know, that's the thing about comedians. | ||
| Like, people say, you're going to do that bit. | ||
| They were saying it like, you shouldn't because he's here. | ||
| And you're like, fuck yeah, I'm going to do it. | ||
| No, I did it. | ||
| Donnell could tell you a story. | ||
| When I was doing that show tonight, he'll tell you. | ||
| I'll bring it up. | ||
| When I was doing that show at Marion Square... | ||
| There was four girls I invited to the show, and I had slept with all four girls. | ||
| And I said to Donnell before, because I didn't really have any material, I was a horrible comic, and I was like, you know, I fucked all those girls, I'm gonna make a joke about it. | ||
| And he's like, son, I wouldn't do that. | ||
| And I said, no, I think it'll be real funny. | ||
| And he, you know, Dono, just like, older comic, was like, all right, son, do you, son? | ||
| You know, like, and he kind of like, and then I did it, and it went horrible. | ||
| Like, the girls were like fucking stormed out. | ||
| They didn't talk to me ever again. | ||
| But that was my stage, like, where I would just do the wrong thing. | ||
| I went on BET, and Dono, this is one of his favorite stories. | ||
| I went on BET when they were doing live comedy on 106th and Park. | ||
| So it was like a competition where the audience judged, and I had an N-word joke. | ||
| And this show was doing well for black comics. | ||
| So I was on there. | ||
| I might have been one of the only white comics to ever be on there. | ||
| And they heard the material for it. | ||
| I performed it for the producers in a room. | ||
| So they knew the material. | ||
| But I guess they just kind of didn't think about it. | ||
| This was before wokeness, kind of. | ||
| So I did the joke... | ||
| Live on BET about the n-word and then BET banned live comedy on that show after that. | ||
| I went to watch it on a rerun and there was like a rerun of Pinky and the Brain on it. | ||
| I was like, something went wrong. | ||
| And the joke was about how rappers should say it more, just to fuck with white people. | ||
| It should be like every other word. | ||
| So white people just have to skip half of the song, and then if they slip up and say one, a black person can just hook off and fucking punch them in the face. | ||
| And it was the time that Jamie Foxx's song, I'm Not a Gold Digger, was out. | ||
| So I was singing that song, and I think I even said the N-word. | ||
| Well, that's a Kanye West song. | ||
| Yeah, Kanye. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| Jamie Foxx sings on it, but it's a Kanye West song, right? | ||
| Yeah, I think it was like... | ||
| Jamie Foxx sings the... | ||
| Yeah, he sings the vocals. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, Jamie talks about how him and Kanye worked together on that song, about Kanye sort of directing him on how to do it. | ||
| He's an interesting guy, man. | ||
| Out of all the people that I've interviewed and talked to, Kanye West is one of the most interesting. | ||
| Because in the middle of talking to him, I was like, I don't know anybody like you. | ||
| He's got a really unique brain, man. | ||
| He's so good at music. | ||
| He's such a good producer. | ||
| He makes good music. | ||
| But I gotta admit, man, I'm a sneakerhead since I was a little kid. | ||
| I don't understand the sneakers. | ||
| They look like people tires. | ||
| Like, I don't. | ||
| They just look like tires. | ||
| And they sell for like three grand and people buy them. | ||
| He's killing the game. | ||
| He's got this perception of life that's very unique. | ||
| Like, he breaks down, like, agriculture. | ||
| He breaks down... | ||
| Housing. | ||
| He breaks down electricity and fucking irrigation. | ||
| His brain is firing like a thousand RPMs an hour. | ||
| A minute, rather. | ||
| He's constantly going, man. | ||
| He's a weird guy in a very positive way. | ||
| Very underappreciated in that respect. | ||
| People malign him because... | ||
| I think his Donald Trump support, I think a lot of it was about... | ||
| When Obama called him a jackass, I think that fucking stuck in his craw. | ||
| He was like, oh yeah? | ||
| I'll show you a fucking jackass. | ||
| Or maybe he was just one of the only rich black people being honest. | ||
| Being like, yo, less taxes. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Because I always feel like a lot of people are liberal on the gram, and then they get in the voting booth, and they're like... | ||
| 50 Cent had the funniest response. | ||
| He had a moment where he was like, fuck that! | ||
| He goes, I don't want to be 5 Cent. | ||
| Everyone's liberal on the grab, and then they get in their accountant's office, they're like, all right. | ||
| Well, I don't think they really believe that the money that they give up is going to go to good. | ||
| I think if people were 100% assured that if you give up more of your taxes, the world's going to be a better place, they would believe it. | ||
| But then they see all this nonsense with politicians and they're like, I don't trust you with the money. | ||
| I mean, that fucking stimulus bill, and then they had another bill sending all that foreign aid to other countries. | ||
| You're going like, what the fuck is this, dude? | ||
| $600? | ||
| Like, I almost stormed the Capitol. | ||
| Gender studies in Pakistan. | ||
| Yeah, what the fuck, dude? | ||
| Like, at this moment, you're giving, like, foreign aid. | ||
| This is not the time for foreign aid. | ||
| It just shows how weird politics are. | ||
| That you have to appeal to all of your lobbyists and all your special interest groups. | ||
| There was a part of the bill that made it a federal felony to stream for illegal streaming. | ||
| They tried to slip that in. | ||
| They slipped it in. | ||
| They did slip it in. | ||
| There was also a part of the COVID bill that made it so that they have to expose all the UFO secrets that the CIA has. | ||
| Do you understand they released that now? | ||
| They released it today. | ||
| All the information the CIA has about UFOs are released today. | ||
| Because I think Jeremy Corbell posted it. | ||
| He produced the documentary, Bob Lazar, UFOs and Bob Lazar. | ||
| What is it? | ||
| Bob Lazar. | ||
| What is the documentary on Netflix? | ||
| Bob Lazar, Flying Saucers and UFOs. | ||
| Area 51 and Flying Saucers. | ||
| Area 51 and Flying Saucers. | ||
| But didn't they release that today? | ||
| You want another one? | ||
| These fucking things get too small. | ||
| They did release the information on the New York Post website. | ||
| This is a picture of the CD-ROM. They said the information... | ||
| What do we smoke the small ones like poor people? | ||
| Yeah, these are great though, man. | ||
| They are great, right? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Shout out to Foundation Cigars. | ||
| And you know, I haven't had one in so long, so this one is special. | ||
| Yeah, it's the thing that people don't realize about cigars. | ||
| They get you high as fuck. | ||
| Yeah, and when you hold off for a while from something you really love, it's like you ever not jerk off for a long time and then you just end up hitting yourself in the face with your own cum. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You're like, that was worth it. | |
| This cigar is amazing. | ||
| They're good, right? | ||
| So what is it saying in the post? | ||
| They got put up on a website called The Black Vault, and according to this article, the guy who runs the site obtained the CD-ROM, which I don't know who is using CD-ROMs, and it looks like they printed a CD label on like you would do when you burned a mixtape for your friends. | ||
| 20 years ago. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| We need a common enemy right now. | ||
| I hope that they release the aliens. | ||
| I hope they lie to us, even if they're friendly. | ||
| I hope they're... | ||
| But you know what? | ||
| If there are aliens... | ||
| I think it would make sense that they would come here and not talk to us. | ||
| Because imagine, like, they gotta be so advanced to be able to travel that far. | ||
| So, like, it would be like us walking up to an anthill and being like, oh, that's what they do. | ||
| And then you're like, you're not gonna want to hang out with the ants. | ||
| You're gonna be like, alright, I peeped it out, and now I'm gonna go back to my other fucking... | ||
| My planet where shit is lit, and we mindfuck, and we're telepathic, and... | ||
| You know, you think the Kama Sutras, we just fucking mind fuck. | ||
| Yeah, they don't have dicks anymore. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think that's our future. | ||
| I think what aliens are is human beings in the future. | ||
| I really do believe that. | ||
| When we think of the archetypal aliens with the large heads and the tiny bodies where we don't have any need for muscles anymore, and we don't have any need for genitals anymore because everything happens in the mind. | ||
| We're all obsessed with breeding and fucking and social interaction and status and clout and material possessions and all these different things. | ||
| But if we could eliminate all of our biological shortcomings and pitfalls, what would we look like? | ||
| Well, we'd look like aliens. | ||
| I mean, we are less biologically impaired. | ||
| Or dependent than, say, the lower primates. | ||
| If you look at, like, a chimpanzee, like, they're always... | ||
| They're killing each other and raping each other and smashing and, you know, it's like... | ||
| Chimps are ruthless fucking animals. | ||
| I mean, they really are. | ||
| And we are descendants of... | ||
| Those are our ancestors. | ||
| Or at least similar to our ancestors. | ||
| We share an ancestor with them, yeah. | ||
| And you look at a chimp with no hair, Jesus Christ. | ||
| I mean, they're fucking shredded, giant muscles, thick tendons. | ||
| And then you look at what an alien looks like in terms of the archetypal gray with the big heads and the large eyes and the tiny little limbs. | ||
| That's us. | ||
| That's the future. | ||
| We're so much more feeble than a gorilla. | ||
| You've got to imagine that if we keep moving in this direction, we're going to be more and more feeble. | ||
| Right. | ||
| We're gonna be like them. | ||
| Do you think that it's possible that aliens are us in the future just coming back to peep and the reason they can't is because it's like back to the future it'll fuck up? | ||
| That's possible. | ||
| It's also possible that this is the natural course of progression for biological life. | ||
| And that if everything goes well, we don't get hit by a meteor or blow ourselves up in a nuclear accident, that we go from single-celled organisms to multi-celled organisms to some sort of a creature that figures out how to manipulate its environment. | ||
| And once they figured out how to manipulate their environment, then they start manipulating their DNA. They start changing the environment they live in. | ||
| They start changing, you know, the actual atmosphere. | ||
| And then they start traveling to other planets and other worlds. | ||
| They start figuring out intergalactic travel. | ||
| That's us. | ||
| It's going to be us and what they represent. | ||
| I think it's more like farmers coming to check on the spores. | ||
| Like, do we have mushrooms yet? | ||
| Like, what do we got here? | ||
| Interesting, yeah. | ||
| We'll come back. | ||
| We'll come back in a little bit. | ||
| Well, why don't they help out a little bit, though? | ||
| I think they might be. | ||
| They might be helping out. | ||
| They might have stopped us from nuking each other a few times. | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| They started coming here in terms of, you look at the historical UFO sightings. | ||
| They all really ramped up after the nuclear tests of the 1940s. | ||
| That's when everything really started taking place. | ||
| After Hiroshima and Nagasaki, that's when all the sightings started ramping up in a big way. | ||
| Was that because we had the technology to capture it? | ||
| No, I think we started nuking each other. | ||
| And they're like, yo, what the fuck? | ||
| Let's go visit. | ||
| Right, because there's no accounts of... | ||
| An ancient Greek saying like, oh, and by the way, there was this fucking thing flying around. | ||
| So maybe you're right. | ||
| There is, though. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| There is, yeah. | ||
| That's what's really weird. | ||
| So they were checking them out, too? | ||
| Thousands and thousands of years ago. | ||
| Probably laughing at them like, fucking togas? | ||
| Come on, guys. | ||
| If you go to the ancient Hindus, like the... | ||
| Some of the ancient works of a lot of different civilizations, Vimanas and all these different flying crafts and these discussions in the Bible. | ||
| Ezekiel saw a wheel within a wheel. | ||
| There's all these discussions of things that could easily be interpreted as something from another planet or some visitors. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And then the headstone. | ||
| How did that happen, right? | ||
| What's the headstone? | ||
| I'm saying it wrong. | ||
| This is good scotch. | ||
| This is really nice. | ||
| What is it? | ||
| Have more. | ||
| Get in there. | ||
| This is sweet. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| Whitmire's? | ||
| What is it called? | ||
| What does it say on the bottle? | ||
| Whitmire's Texas Single Barrel. | ||
| Who gave us that? | ||
| Do you remember that bottle, Jamie? | ||
| Who did that come from? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| All right. | ||
| Whoever it is, thanks. | ||
| Yeah, it's great. | ||
| We have enough booze to kill everyone in this room. | ||
| That's a lot of booze. | ||
| You keep getting it. | ||
| Do you know what I'm talking about? | ||
| The Stonehenge? | ||
| Stonehenge? | ||
| Where the rocks are on each other. | ||
| Yeah, Stonehenge. | ||
| Stonehenge. | ||
| What did I call it? | ||
| Hedgestone. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What can you do? | ||
| Well, Stonehenge is... | ||
| Stonehenge is... | ||
| I think they've decided that that was some sort of a calendar. | ||
| I think that is the interpretation of Stonehenge. | ||
| They think it was... | ||
| Isn't that correct? | ||
| I don't know a whole lot about Stonehenge because I spent so much time thinking about the pyramids and the Mayan ruins and the way they align with the cosmos. | ||
| I didn't pay too much attention to Stonehenge. | ||
| That is kind of crazy that all over the world at the same time they were building those same type of structures. | ||
| That's kind of wild. | ||
| Yeah, it's pretty wild. | ||
| It's kind of wild. | ||
| Well, one of the things that Bob Lazar, he's the guy that supposedly worked at Area S4. That's what this is. | ||
| I can't believe I'm wearing this, but this is Bob Lazar's sketch when he was describing what it looked like that he worked on. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Bob gave me this. | ||
| This is his signature down here. | ||
| Actually, Jeremy gave me this. | ||
| This is his depiction of the vehicles that he was hired in the late 80s, early 90s to back engineer. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| That's definitely what they say they look like right there. | ||
| He said that one of the things that they read when they were going over the people that had hired him had given him a breakdown of where these vehicles came from and what they were. | ||
| They were saying in this literature that they had handled out to all the employees at S4, at least the ones that needed to know, was that we are the product of accelerated evolution. | ||
| Is that aliens had come down here and taken the lower primates and genetically manipulated them and created the earliest versions of human beings. | ||
| It sounds ridiculous until you realize that The biggest mystery in all of the fossil record is the doubling of the human brain size and human brain human beings over the period of I think it was like two million years their brain doubled it grew and they don't understand why and they don't know why we are so different than any other primate we wear clothes we think we talk we have complex language we manipulate our environment there's a lot of theories as to why we did it but the most outlandish theory | ||
| Is that we are manipulated. | ||
| Wow, that's interesting. | ||
| I have a friend, Paul Verzi. | ||
| He's a comedian. | ||
| I know Paul Verzi. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know Paul? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| I know who he is. | ||
| I've never met him. | ||
| He's like my best friend. | ||
| He's a Burz boy. | ||
| Yeah, he's great. | ||
| He's the best dude in the world. | ||
| Hilarious. | ||
| And he told me his dad's like a real Italian guy from the Bronx. | ||
| Like one of those guys who's like, you know, he's Italian. | ||
| Like he's like, you know, he'll be like, you know, these rappers, but you know, I gotta admit, they know their jewelry. | ||
| You know, he's one of those. | ||
| He actually said that to him. | ||
| He's like, but they know they're jewelry. | ||
| But he says, and his mom too, because I asked his mom. | ||
| And so they both, his mom, his dad, and his, I think his grandparent, I can't remember which one, they were all in, like, Yonkers, Westchester, and they were, like, on the porch, and they saw a UFO. And he says, this is how I believe him, because he told Paul, he was like, I wish I didn't see it, because he's one of those guys that doesn't believe in that, and, you know, and his mom, I think, is kind of religious, too, and she admitted she saw it. | ||
| They said it came down, like, close, and then, like, it was like a dot in the sky. | ||
| It just disappeared and was like... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Which is funny, like an Italian guy seeing a UFO, because they're all about getting people out of the neighborhood. | ||
| They'd be like, fuck, get the fuck out of my neighborhood! | ||
|
unidentified
|
The fuck out is my neighborhood! | |
| I'm shooting at it. | ||
| Get the fuck out of here. | ||
| It's my neighborhood. | ||
| I had a guy on the podcast. | ||
| His name is Commander David Fravor. | ||
| He was a fighter jet pilot. | ||
| He scrambled to encounter one of them off the San Diego coast. | ||
| It's a famous story. | ||
| It's this vehicle that was captured. | ||
| It was captured on radar. | ||
| It was captured on their... | ||
| Not his vehicle, but another vehicle got a video of this thing. | ||
| It went from... | ||
| More than 60,000 feet above sea level to one foot in less than a second. | ||
| I mean, if a guy like that is saying that that happened, like it happened, and then there's that footage... | ||
| Not only is he saying it happened, but he said that it jammed their radar. | ||
| Damn. | ||
| Which is technically an act of war. | ||
| He's like, this was an intelligent thing. | ||
| So at this point, we know that there are aliens, and they've been here. | ||
| That's a tricky statement. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I love to believe that it's real. | ||
| Are you scared at all? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Their power? | ||
| I'm scared of liberals. | ||
| Yeah, it's a comic. | ||
| That's what we're scared of. | ||
| I'm scared of woke people that just want to fucking ban parlor and burn it all down and enforce their ideology because they've got a lot of power right now. | ||
| I'm scared of people that think they're right. | ||
| I'm scared of people that want to stifle free speech. | ||
| I'm scared of people that want to stop debate and enforce their opinions. | ||
| I'm scared of that. | ||
| I'm not scared of aliens. | ||
| I'm scared of the other extreme, too, where you could... | ||
| All the facts could be there, and they're still like, you know, the election is stolen. | ||
| Like, I'm scared of that kind of... | ||
| Yeah, I'm scared of that too. | ||
| It's become kind of faith-based. | ||
| It's a little religious. | ||
| It's a little weird. | ||
| Like, they're kind of... | ||
| It's zealotry at this point. | ||
| Oh, sorry. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, no worries. | |
| And where they just kind of... | ||
| You could say anything. | ||
| You could put any evidence in front of them. | ||
| And the woke people are like that too. | ||
| It's kind of two sides of the same coin. | ||
| It's like the farther in any direction you go, you kind of come back around to the other side. | ||
| They don't know how much they have in common, those two. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| And unfortunately to me it seems like they are dictating the cultural conversation now for some reason, and all the politicians are pandering to that extreme base for some reason, and maybe it's because they're loud, maybe because also politicians are falling victim to thinking that Twitter is the real world, when it's not, dude. | ||
| And we know more than anyone, comedians know, when you do a live performance, There's rarely any of that shit. | ||
| People love it, whatever you say live, and that's the real pulse of America. | ||
| It's not that fucking bullshit where people are hiding behind fucking avatars and arguing with Russian bots. | ||
| I mean, this is fucking Russia and China to me. | ||
| This is the way they've been fucking with us. | ||
| I think they infiltrated education a long time ago, started like... | ||
| Given perks to professors and liberal arts and started like slowly pushing this kind of anti-American, we're always the bad guy kind of, you know, mantra, this kind of like narrative that like, and it's become now, it's kind of culminated now in this sort of like hasty generalization, like these groups of people are bad and bad, good, white, black. | ||
| You're like, dude, that is not the way it works. | ||
| I know it's easy to, you got an A by quote, like, you know, going like, this is bad, this is good, but... | ||
| Because it's the lazy way to do it because everyone's fucking lazy now. | ||
| But if you look at history, there's a lot of uncomfortable truths that always fuck up that argument because human nature doesn't change and people aren't as racist as you think. | ||
| We're fucking shitty. | ||
| I mean, nobody's killed more white people than white people. | ||
| Nobody's killed more black people. | ||
| We kill whatever's closest, you know? | ||
| And slavery is horrible and American slavery is probably the most brutal because you mix modernity with fucking slavery. | ||
| Slavery is the oldest thing in the... | ||
| I mean, the ancient Greeks were enslaving other ancient Greek tribes. | ||
| And Native Americans were enslaving other Native Americans. | ||
| Like, we are shitty. | ||
| And that's why we need aliens. | ||
| Please, come! | ||
| But we're shitty! | ||
| You know what's the darkest truth? | ||
| There's more slavery today than there was before slavery in the United States was abolished. | ||
| They built Dubai! | ||
| Slaves built Dubai! | ||
| They call it something else. | ||
| They take away your passport. | ||
| Yeah! | ||
| They keep you there. | ||
| You have to work for far less. | ||
| Saudi Arabia, they still had slavery until like 1960s they had. | ||
| Well, have you seen Libya? | ||
| They had slave auctions and you could watch it on YouTube. | ||
| You know, when Libya, when they killed Qaddafi and everybody thought that was a great thing, Libya became a failed state. | ||
| And one of the things that came along with Libya being a failed state is they started having open slave auctions. | ||
| You could literally watch, see if you can find that, Jamie. | ||
| Thanks Hillary Clinton for that one. | ||
| Well, she thought it was a funny thing to talk about. | ||
| You ever see that interview? | ||
| She goes, we came, we saw, he died! | ||
| And then she laughed, yeah. | ||
| Anytime a person is laughing because a human being was murdered, and not just murdered, but murdered with a fucking knife up his asshole. | ||
| You ever see when that guy shoves that knife up his ass? | ||
| When Qaddafi's sitting there and he's in shock, and he's surrounded by all those rebels, and they're screaming and yelling, and one guy takes a knife and shoves it up his ass? | ||
| I haven't seen it. | ||
| He's so in shock, he barely recognizes that a knife is up his asshole. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| I felt like, you know how they have that flag in Iwo Jima where those guys are planting a flag? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That dude, they will have a statue of him shoving that knife up Gaddafi's ass. | ||
| Like, yes, that's our Iwo Jima. | ||
| Yeah, I haven't seen that. | ||
| I think it all comes out. | ||
| Look, it's been thousands of years of human civilization to get us to the point where we can discuss things freely on a podcast. | ||
| I have hope. | ||
| I really believe that all this conflict that we have is something that we have to overcome. | ||
| And I think ultimately that's good. | ||
| I don't think it's good to have no conflict. | ||
| I think the conflict, it makes us get our arguments more solid. | ||
| It makes us get our rhetoric more reasonable and logical. | ||
| I think it's good for us. | ||
| I think it takes time to work this shit through. | ||
| We're all in a panic right now. | ||
| Oh my god, they got rid of Parler! | ||
| You know, we're worried about this. | ||
| But I think ultimately... | ||
| Human beings are thinking creatures who, when confronted with the evidence, there's going to be a number of people, whether it's more people or the majority of people or just a strong percentage that recognize the pitfalls of this particular ideology and the way we're looking at things. | ||
| We're going to see things for what they really are, and we're going to get through this on the other side. | ||
| I don't think it's going to be perfect, but I think we're going to move to a better place. | ||
| And I think History has proven that over time, there's been tragedies, and there's been corrections, and there's been good things and bad things, but over time, we generally move to a better place and a more friendly and equal place. | ||
| And that's what I think. | ||
| Yeah, I look back at history, I see these sort of cycles of errors of reason and then faith. | ||
| Errors of reason and faith, like the Faith, you know, dark ages, then the Enlightenment, then, you know, it goes dark again, like, you know, the Arab world was flourishing, they created, you know, algebra was named after Al-Jabbar, and they kind of, and then, you know, Islam came and kind of went into an era of faith, and it kind of slowed things. | ||
| Well, Islam originally was the, they were the fucking scientists, man. | ||
| I mean, they were, they, If you look at the early Islamic world, they were the ones that were the most advanced at one point in history. | ||
| They were the ones that were pushing mathematics and science and reason and logic. | ||
| It comes in cycles, man. | ||
| It comes in cycles of suppression and dominance. | ||
| The real concern is unstoppable dictatorships like China and Russia, when there's no dissent and no discussion. | ||
| And this is what we have to realize. | ||
| One of the things that makes America unique and powerful is that we get to talk about things and we get to disagree. | ||
| Now, I completely agree. | ||
| When something happens, like the storming of the Capitol, when that shit happens on Capitol Hill, that needs to be stopped. | ||
| And we need to educate people as to why that's awful, why that's terrible, and why a person like Donald Trump that calls for something like that, that person needs to be maligned. | ||
| That person needs to be shot down. | ||
| Those ideas need to be rejected. | ||
| And what's important is discussion and logical discourse. | ||
| And if your argument is sound, argue that. | ||
| Discuss it. | ||
| The real answer for wrong speech is better speech. | ||
| There's no argument. | ||
| You can't argue that. | ||
| It's just what it is. | ||
| It is. | ||
| And that's the only way we'll get better is if there's champions of that. | ||
| You saying that, that's what it's got to be. | ||
| That's how reason will survive is people seeking for what's the most reasonable, what's the most cogent argument, what makes the most sense, et cetera. | ||
| Most people, I think, are trying to get there. | ||
| They're just trying to get there within their ideology. | ||
| Whether it's someone like AOC or whether it's someone on the right, they're trying to get there within their ideology. | ||
| They're trying to get to a better place. | ||
| When someone like AOC is advocating for Medicare for All or all these other things that I agree with, They're doing that because they want to get to a better place. | ||
| And then they're fighting against people on the right and so they sure up their arguments and they get more aggressive and they want to silence those people and shut those people down. | ||
| But ultimately the reason why they want to do it, the reason why it's all taking place is because they want the world to be better. | ||
| There's very few people that are in government that don't want the world to be a better place. | ||
| The problem when someone like Donald Trump comes along is that when you look at someone who Whether you think he's a sociopath or we think he's an egomaniac, he wants what's best for himself. | ||
| What we really need is leaders who want what's best for the world. | ||
| And for future generations. | ||
| Yeah, and I don't necessarily see that on the horizon in terms of a clear example. | ||
| Like someone who's in power right now that wants what's best for the world. | ||
| I used to think that about Barack Obama, and I kind of still do. | ||
| But I think he was arguing for it in this really convoluted, bizarre, Yeah. | ||
| You know, but yeah, I don't think Obama was a despot. | ||
| I don't think he was a dictator And I think you also he was a statesman You know I get a lot of shit from people that are like on the right that don't they don't like my love of Obama But when that guy was the president, I felt like we were okay. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because I felt like he was smarter than me. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I would hear him talk. | ||
| I'd be like, he's got it. | ||
| Right. | ||
| He's talking to those fucking military guys and those congressmen. | ||
| He's got it. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And he always stayed calm. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He never lost his cool. | ||
| And that's what you want from your top guy is a guy who's always in control. | ||
| Saying the right thing yes, and then going and bombing the shit out of people what I like about Trump is Trump Trump gave support to the military in a way that Obama didn't where Trump they squashed Isis within one year because of Trump and My friends the friends that I have that are in the special forces and Kennedy I heard that in podcasts. | ||
| They say, look, the world changed because of the decisions that Trump made. | ||
| His mandate when he got into office was to let the military stop these problems before they become a real issue for America. | ||
| Yeah, and a lot of those things are the reason I think he got elected, because he was saying things, he just was saying them wrong. | ||
| Like, he was just saying them like a comic would say them, like with no filter, and like, when you're a statesman, you gotta say shit the right way, very tempered, and like you said, you have to appeal. | ||
| That's not easy to be able to appeal to everyone and stay neutral in your rhetoric, because that's important. | ||
| I mean, you're a public figure, and the whole world is hanging on every word you're saying, so that's what Obama was really good at. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Every speech he gave was just like, you were looking for something. | ||
| It was like, fuck, this guy's good. | ||
| But he was so measured. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And he was such a statesman. | ||
| In my opinion, he's the greatest president ever in terms of the way he would talk and hold himself. | ||
| I always felt like that guy was a great example of what's possible. | ||
| You get a guy who comes from a single mother. | ||
| I mean, he's not privileged when he's growing up. | ||
| Interracial family. | ||
| Poor. | ||
| Living in Hawaii. | ||
| And rises to this position and becomes the president. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Humans, he was great, man, in that way. | ||
| Humans just go too far. | ||
| We have this greedy personality. | ||
| Because a lot of the woke stuff, a lot of the ideas are great. | ||
| They just keep pushing more, more, more. | ||
| But the woke thing is they want the world to be better. | ||
| Yeah, so it's based on a good premise. | ||
| Yes, yes. | ||
| But then they keep going where it's like, we're at this point, I think the majority of people love trans people, are totally okay with it, and it's like trans people are the most beautiful thing, and it's a great thing, and it's a third gender, and it's great, and obviously their brains are a little different, they feel like females, and that's great. | ||
| Science can't- Or they feel like males. | ||
| Or they feel like males. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And science can facilitate now a change, and that's great. | ||
| But it's funny that now people are using science to make arguments against science, which is what I find fascinating, on the right and left. | ||
| So left will go like gender doesn't exist, and that's because science has facilitated that you can kind of change your gender. | ||
| So it's like you're arguing against science, which says biological sex exists. | ||
| Let's be honest. | ||
| I had an argument with a professor about that once, where he was like, biological sex is not real. | ||
| I go, okay, if you buy a puppy, and the puppy's a girl, but you wanted a boy, and they go, well, biological sex doesn't exist. | ||
| What do you do? | ||
| Do you get your money back? | ||
| Just accept the fact that she identifies as a boy. | ||
| It's like obviously charged with ideology when you hear that stuff. | ||
| And there's exceptions, right, where certain people have certain levels of testosterone or estrogen. | ||
| I mean, there's exceptions, but we can't change the rule for the exception. | ||
| So they're using science to argue against science. | ||
| And the same on the right where they're going like, hey, climate change isn't real. | ||
| The climate always cycles. | ||
| And I'm going like, where do you know that from? | ||
| Is it because science told you that there's been different cycles of climate? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I had an argument with a guy in a jujitsu class about that. | ||
| He's like, it's always been a cycle. | ||
| I go, dude, you're 25. The fuck do you know? | ||
| And how do you know? | ||
| You're not even a scientist. | ||
| Yeah, did you stick shit in the ground and fucking... | ||
| How did you figure out about this thing? | ||
| You're making core samples? | ||
| Yeah, you know that because science told us that. | ||
| You go into Antarctica and fucking go in a mile deep into the surface of the ice? | ||
| Get the fuck out of here, bitch. | ||
| And it's like, how can you... | ||
| Now they want to go like, trans women are women. | ||
| You're going like, okay, I'll call you a woman. | ||
| That's fine. | ||
| But you're redefining what obviously is something that you're not saying. | ||
| When I went and saw my wife give birth, I was like, okay... | ||
| Dudes can't do that. | ||
| I was like, come on, man. | ||
| I was like, look, I'll give it to you. | ||
| If trans women want to be called women, let's call them women. | ||
| But then let's start calling women who can give birth mortal gods, because that's some different shit right there I just witnessed. | ||
| Some different shit, yeah. | ||
| I mean, I just saw a baby come out of a hole in her body, which was the wildest shit I've ever seen in my entire life. | ||
| And then if you ask the hospital, like, where are the trans women? | ||
| And they're like, we don't have it. | ||
| You're like, well, then you're fucking discriminating against trans women for not allowing them to give birth. | ||
| I mean, like, what are we doing? | ||
| What are we doing here? | ||
| I didn't even think that I would ever get involved in a trans argument until there was a person that was fighting against women and not telling everybody that she was a man for 30 years and was a woman for two. | ||
| And then started fighting women without telling everybody that she used to be a man. | ||
| And they were like, she's always been a woman. | ||
| I'm like... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Stop! | |
| We're talking crazy! | ||
| I know what you want to do. | ||
| You want to make the world a better place. | ||
| Brock Lesnar puts a dress on and starts beating the fuck out of chicks. | ||
| You've got to say that's wrong. | ||
| There's a couple of athletes now who have just dominated in their sport. | ||
| After doing late transitions, yeah. | ||
| Bone structure is a crazy thing. | ||
| Well, they just did a study, and then they said that, yeah, there is a difference. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| If you see all the comments, they're going, no shit! | ||
| Duh-duh! | ||
| Most people, look, most people had my back, but it was a loud number of people. | ||
| There was a lot of trans people that thought that I was transphobic. | ||
| I'm not transphobic at all. | ||
| I just don't think that it's right if you compete against females without at least telling them that you used to be a man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| It's not a fucking complicated thing. | ||
| You're biologically male. | ||
| And this comes from someone who's biologically male. | ||
| There's advantages. | ||
| And how come we don't hear this argument a lot from trans men? | ||
| It doesn't seem to be... | ||
| It doesn't exist. | ||
| It doesn't really exist. | ||
| Trans men aren't going like, let me get in there and play basketball with LeBron James. | ||
| Well, in sports, it's an issue. | ||
| But in fighting, it's the greatest issue. | ||
| Because, again, what I talked about, it's high-level problem-solving with dire physical consequences. | ||
| If you found a woman who'd been taking steroids for 30 years and has stopped for two years and started fighting other women, you'd be like, hey, she's cheated. | ||
| She has an advantage. | ||
| But all of a sudden, if it's a trans woman, you're like, no, there's no advantage. | ||
| She's always been a woman. | ||
| I know what men are built like. | ||
| They're different. | ||
| Their fists are larger. | ||
| Their shoulders are long. | ||
| The width is different. | ||
| The hips are shaped different. | ||
| The mind is different. | ||
| Reaction time is different. | ||
| This is all science. | ||
| And when real endocrinologists that aren't... | ||
| Gender reassignment surgeons who really discuss this, they'll be honest with you, especially if they don't have to suffer social consequences of it. | ||
| They'll tell you, like, there's a difference. | ||
| Yeah, but nowadays it's like, yeah, it seems like everyone has at least a threat that you're going to suffer some sort of social consequences if you say something that a Twitter mob can kind of just hop on you about and just call you a name without discussion and saying he's transphobic. | ||
| It's just like, But again, even a person who's been attacked, I can tell you that I think that they're doing it for the right reasons. | ||
| They think that they're making the world a better place. | ||
| I appreciate it. | ||
| I really do. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| Even a person who's suffered a lot of articles that have misrepresented my positions and taken what I've said out of context. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You want the world to be more inclusive and more appreciative of people that come from a different place. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think it's actually kind of like it would be a beautiful thing to say, trans women are trans women. | ||
| That's great. | ||
| And trans women are beautiful. | ||
| That's a different thing. | ||
| And that's great. | ||
| And let's celebrate that. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| Why do we have to call it – why does it have to creep into a category of someone who didn't – Have to take estrogen shots and was born in a gender that they didn't feel. | ||
| Why can't they be two beautiful things? | ||
| Well, that's a weird thing. | ||
| Why? | ||
| Well, people say, like, oh, this is a woman. | ||
| This is absolutely a woman. | ||
| Well, why is she taking estrogen? | ||
| Why does she have to do that if she's a woman? | ||
| Why does she have to go through surgery? | ||
| They shut you down and call you a TERF. Well, there's... | ||
| Fuck it! | ||
| Well, that's the weird thing about women that argue against it. | ||
| They get attacked. | ||
| It's like, oh my god, you're attacking biological women for thinking that biological women should be able to compete against only biological women. | ||
| J.K. Rawlings, I mean, her statement couldn't have been more reasonable and supportive. | ||
| Martina Navratilova. | ||
| Martina Navratilova. | ||
| I mean, she is a fucking icon of the LBG without the T. Yeah. | ||
| It's when the tees got involved. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, before. | |
| Yeah, David Chappelle joke, yeah. | ||
| Well, ironically enough, an Owen Benjamin joke as well. | ||
| Oh, was it really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He argued. | ||
| I mean, he had a bit about it, too. | ||
| I don't know who saw who first or if they thought about it together. | ||
| But it's like this world of LBGT. That's a problem, too. | ||
| It's like you're throwing everybody together. | ||
| I get it because you want support. | ||
| You want support from everybody who's in this malign community, this marginalized community. | ||
| But they're different things. | ||
| Like, lesbians are different than gay people. | ||
| Gay people are the first to tell you they don't have anything in common with lesbians. | ||
| My gay friends will tell you, like, listen, man, I have very few lesbian friends. | ||
| Lesbians don't like gays. | ||
| They don't hang out, yeah. | ||
| Some of them do. | ||
| It's a bad statement. | ||
| But they look at gays like fucking Peter Pan. | ||
| You're out there butt-fucking and partying and... | ||
| Doing ecstasy. | ||
| And lesbians, for the most part, they're different. | ||
| There's no lesbian communities. | ||
| Gay people have whole neighborhoods. | ||
| Look, West Hollywood. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They take over giant fucking swaths of land. | |
| You go to Boys Town. | ||
| I have a bit about Boys Town because it's right down the street from the comedy store. | ||
| You hook a right on Santa Monica, and it is a fucking different world for five blocks. | ||
| It's five blocks of no one saying no. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's just fucking partying. | |
| No one can get pregnant and everyone's on speed. | ||
| Da-da-da-da. | ||
| The one lesbian in the neighborhood just puts her head out the window. | ||
| You guys keep it down! | ||
| Jesus, we're trying to. | ||
| It's so different. | ||
| It's men. | ||
| Men who fuck men. | ||
| It's a whole different world than the lesbian world. | ||
| I'm like, lesbians don't develop neighborhoods. | ||
| Because straight men find out about them. | ||
| I'm an ally. | ||
| And they move next door and they fuck up your neighborhood. | ||
| You don't have a chance. | ||
| My brother's gay and he's older. | ||
| He's like 60. You know, big gap in our... | ||
| He says it's overcorrection. | ||
| He's saying what we're saying, like it's a great thing, it's based on great principles, but it's just like that human need to, we have this thing in us where we don't, you know, it's like they used to say, an old expression I think from Rome is like, you know, when the war is over, you put down your sword and pick up your plow. | ||
| It's like humans have a real hard time being like, okay, we won, Let's put the sword down and pick up the plow. | ||
| It's like there's... | ||
| When you're an activist or a warrior, there's that thing and you were just like, let me keep... | ||
| What's the next... | ||
| Keep going. | ||
| Get to the ocean. | ||
| Yeah, it's like, the war's over, dude. | ||
| No. | ||
| The war's over. | ||
| You got it. | ||
| The majority of the people, we're all for it. | ||
| And they're like, no, no. | ||
| Let's find another fucking... | ||
| Well, part of the problem with that is that there's so much communication going on. | ||
| There's so many people expressing ideas. | ||
| Like, there's someone out there that disagrees. | ||
| So you're gonna find disagreement. | ||
| You wanna squash that, too. | ||
| You wanna keep that fucking battle going. | ||
| It never ends. | ||
| Never ends. | ||
| It never ends. | ||
| But I think, ultimately, the mass of these people, whether they're on the left or the right, they're trying... | ||
| And I get accused of being on the right when I'm on the left. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because I look like I'm on the right. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I look like an asshole. | ||
| I look like a Trump supporter. | ||
| I've said a lot of stupid shit. | ||
| If you take it out of context, you'll assume I'm a Trump. | ||
| Well, you're a perfect example of how people just kind of reject nuance because the nature of it is a little boring. | ||
| The truth is a little boring. | ||
| You've actually said, hey, I'm voting for Bernie. | ||
| I like Bernie. | ||
| I like Medicare for all. | ||
| Those are as liberal. | ||
| And they were like, he said something bad in the 90s! | ||
| But he also said that! | ||
| So, fucking... | ||
| Let's give him... | ||
| It's like fucking inglorious bastards. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They want to put a Nazi sign on you and carve it in you. | |
| I don't know how this happened where the extremes kind of hijacked the conversation, but it's really wild, man. | ||
| Well, the discourse spread. | ||
| It became much wider. | ||
| You know, there's so many more people that can chime in. | ||
| You know, and everybody wants... | ||
| Like what I was saying about podcasts, that people hear us talking, like, I got something to say too! | ||
| Well, there's so many people that have something to say and can talk. | ||
| And then other people hear it and they want to respond to it the same way you pulled over the side of the highway to argue with that dude on Twitter. | ||
| It's a true story, yeah. | ||
| It's the same shit. | ||
| Sad, yeah. | ||
| But that's what's going on. | ||
| I think we're going to get through it. | ||
| I really do. | ||
| And I understand that I'm in a very bizarre position where my voice is broadcast to more people than the average person. | ||
| So I feel like it's even more imperative that I stay positive. | ||
| And I really do believe that we're going to be okay. | ||
| You handle it well, man. | ||
| I could never, like, I don't think a lot of people couldn't... | ||
| I have brain damage! | ||
| I've been hit in the head! | ||
| Thousands of times! | ||
| I think that has something to do with it. | ||
| That's the silver lining. | ||
| Yeah, that's the silver lining. | ||
| You trend all the time and people say all types of shit, articles, and you just come in like, hey man, who's the next guy? | ||
| Alright, let's do fucking whoever. | ||
| Who you want. | ||
| I know who I am. | ||
| And I know I'm a nice person. | ||
| And everybody who knows me knows I'm a nice person. | ||
| And I think most of the people who listen to me know that even if I say something that's offensive or wrong or... | ||
| I'm trying to be nice, and that's all I think about. | ||
| I know I have a weird responsibility that I didn't ask for. | ||
| I didn't set this up to try to take over discourse. | ||
| I didn't. | ||
| I set it up to talk shit with my friends. | ||
| I set it up in 1999 with my friend Brian Redband, or whatever it was, 2009 with my friend Brian Redband. | ||
| We were just talking shit and smoking pot and answering questions on Twitter. | ||
| I never thought it would have billions of downloads. | ||
| I literally never thought that. | ||
| And along the way, I've had to adjust. | ||
| I've had to realize, okay, this is a weird responsibility that I didn't ask for. | ||
| But I get why they're mad. | ||
| I get. | ||
| I get the attacks. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| I think it's one of those things when people look back in history, like the cultural force that this has become, I think as a comic... | ||
| I, I, my opinion is it seems like a lot of why you've handled so well is because you're a comic. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| It's like comics have, there's like famous and then there's comic famous. | ||
| Whereas like you can go see like you're going to be tonight performing at a bar live. | ||
| It's like we need as comics, we always need to sort of be the perennial underdog or else we lose material. | ||
| There's something about us that always seeks humility. | ||
| And it's kind of for a selfish reason, because you have to continue to be a comic, sort of a person of the people, because if you get too big, it becomes like that Steve Martin thing where he's like, I can't do this anymore. | ||
| Yes, the Steve Martin thing. | ||
| I mean, what are you going to do? | ||
| Go up there and be like, hey, my private plane didn't work today. | ||
| And people are going like, fuck this guy. | ||
| I was at the comedy store once, and Tim Allen went on stage, and he was talking about his Ferrari breaking. | ||
| You're like, yeah. | ||
| It's like, oh, the dashboard fell out. | ||
| And I'm like, what the fuck is this? | ||
| And I wanted to grab him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm like, Tim, talk to me. | |
| You need to smoke pot. | ||
| You need to be around other comics. | ||
| You're in this position where you're too famous. | ||
| And everybody around you, they need you to pay their bills. | ||
| They're not being honest. | ||
| You need to work out. | ||
| You need to do something. | ||
| You need to do something really hard. | ||
| Really difficult, where it tests your mettle. | ||
| Keeps you humble. | ||
| Yes, you need to be humble. | ||
| Yeah, you need to get strangled. | ||
| Go to a jiu-jitsu gym and get strangled. | ||
| Go to kickboxing, get your leg kicked. | ||
| Can I ask you a question? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sure. | |
| Is the optimism that you feel, do you think that's in any way tied to having children? | ||
| Because I know I've had sort of a paradigm shift, and it's something that burr rides me about. | ||
| I mean, he came on our podcast and just chewed me the fuck out for like an hour about how negative I am and fucking, you know, fucking, I used to be like you and it leads down a fucking bad road. | ||
| And, you know, he was just chewing me out. | ||
| And, you know, after my experience with COVID and like, you know, I got weird and started crying, I called him and I was like, you're right, Bill. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You're right. | |
| You're fucking right. | ||
| I was crying. | ||
| You thought you were going to die. | ||
| Yeah, I was like, you're right, Bill. | ||
| I'm negative. | ||
| I got to change. | ||
| And now that I have a newborn, it's like I've experienced this kind of rebirth of hope. | ||
| And it may be selfish because of her. | ||
| Like, I want the world. | ||
| I don't want the world to end. | ||
| I don't want civilization to end. | ||
| I don't want America to die and the ideals that built America to die. | ||
| I want it to... | ||
| Succeed. | ||
| I want it to continue. | ||
| I want the beautiful precepts that this country was built on to survive. | ||
| I want us to rise above this challenge for her. | ||
| And it may be selfish, but it's like, that's what's happened. | ||
| I don't think it's selfish. | ||
| I think it's hopeful. | ||
| You know? | ||
| When I had kids... | ||
| One of the things that... | ||
| One of the things that happened as I got older and I started raising children is I started looking at people instead of looking at them as like, oh, this guy is a 35-year-old man. | ||
| This is who he is. | ||
| I started thinking, oh, he used to be a baby. | ||
| Wow, interesting. | ||
| It changed everything. | ||
| It changed everything. | ||
| I started looking at people like, oh, that's a baby that got bad information, and mean people, and no love, and no support, and no comfort, and they became angry, and they became resentful, and everybody, man. | ||
| You know, I was watching a documentary, not a documentary, a series of interviews on The Iceman, Richard Kuklinski. | ||
| Oh, yeah, those are the best. | ||
| Dude, if you look at my fucking YouTube... | ||
| You've made me mad now. | ||
| You've made me mad. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes! | |
| What's that? | ||
| So scary! | ||
| Yeah, I just feel like I'm mad now. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And he says it like very calm. | ||
| About how he fed people to rats. | ||
| I would die them up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And I would put a camera on them. | ||
| And I like George. | ||
| And I liked him. | ||
| And that's what I did to the guy I liked. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Georgie was a good guy. | ||
| He was a guy who was a baby, who was raised by a psychopath and a mother who was, you know, distant and probably just dealing with the fact that she was married to a psychopath. | ||
| And he became a monster. | ||
| I started looking at people like babies. | ||
| That happened when I became a father. | ||
| It happened slowly, man. | ||
| I'm ashamed to admit. | ||
| It took a while for me to really... | ||
| Because you try to protect your initial ideas and who you initially were. | ||
| You want to defend your anger and defend your stances or your behavior or your positions. | ||
| But it took me a while to realize that what I was recognizing was that who I am, who you are, who everybody is, is a direct result of the environment that you evolved and grew up in, the people that you encountered, the love that you received or the love you didn't receive, the hate that you received or the hate you didn't receive. | ||
| The most spoiled people are the people that have the easiest. | ||
| The most interesting people... | ||
| One of the hardest things about being a parent is that my favorite people, whether it's Joey Diaz or Ari Shafir, all the weirdos that I know, their fucking life was hard. | ||
| And I don't want my kid's life to be hard. | ||
| I want my kid's life to be filled with love. | ||
| But my favorite people all grew up fucked up. | ||
| All of them. | ||
| All of them. | ||
| All my favorite people grew up in the most tortured and confusing environments. | ||
| And they have... | ||
| They figured their way through the maze and they, oh! | ||
| And they popped out through the surface of the water and they got some air. | ||
| That's all my favorite people. | ||
| Is there a healthy way to reconcile that with your daughter? | ||
| Like, you know, because you're saying you want her to have all the things that, you know, fucked up people. | ||
| I tell them. | ||
| How do you reconcile, like, hey, I'm going to give you love, but you also got to go through some shit to have some character. | ||
| I had a little situation with my 12-year-old the other day. | ||
| Where she was really upset. | ||
| It was over her mom taking her phone away. | ||
| It was like nonsense, right? | ||
| But I was like, it's so hard for you to recognize that your life is easy. | ||
| And we were having this conversation where... | ||
| I was talking about the shit that I went through as a kid and some of the things that I went to where a guy tried to rape me when I was 13 and I was explaining this to her. | ||
| I go, one of the reasons why I don't want you just like running out in the world is because you don't know that the world is filled with people who are mistreated and want to mistreat others and that there's bad people and I don't know how much to expose you to. | ||
| But I want you to know that everything I do, whether it seems like it's ruining my life, I want you to know that all these decisions are made because I love you. | ||
| I don't want you to have struggle. | ||
| But I also recognize that struggle is imperative for growth. | ||
| And I'm confused. | ||
| I don't know what to do. | ||
| I don't know the right way to approach this other than communication, other than expression. | ||
| I want to express to you what I've experienced and what I want to protect you from. | ||
| It's hard. | ||
| And the people that I run into, I have a real thing, man. | ||
| It's a real thing where everybody I meet I think of as a baby. | ||
| Everybody. | ||
| You, Jamie. | ||
| I think of Jamie as a baby all the time. | ||
| Young Jamie. | ||
| I think of what was Jamie like when he was a baby. | ||
| How did Jamie get to be who he is now? | ||
| I think of who everybody... | ||
| It's a weird thing, man. | ||
| And when I became a father, as I evolved as a father, and as I corrected myself and dealt with my own shortcomings, I started thinking of people as... | ||
| You know, you want to just get mad at someone for who they are. | ||
| This is the way I think about liberals, the way I think about right-wing people, that fucking idiot that looks like a champ that was sitting on Nancy Pelosi's desk. | ||
| That poor bastard used to be a baby, you know? | ||
| And someone or something or a series of things happened that were wrong. | ||
| And he didn't get hugged enough or he didn't get educated enough or he didn't get enough acceptance or enough... | ||
| Whatever it is, man. | ||
| Whatever it is. | ||
| Whatever positive feedback he didn't get. | ||
| And it led to him sitting with his fucking stupid boots on Nancy Pelosi's desk thinking he's winning. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| He's not. | ||
| No, he's doing the opposite of that. | ||
| He's on camera committing a crime. | ||
| And he's going to be in jail for a long fucking time. | ||
| And we're all going to benefit from it, unfortunately. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, that's a very enlightened, evolved way to look at people because we are – and that's kind of the problem in the world is everyone wants to think they're a finished product and that they're – everyone's scared to evolve or admit they were wrong is a big problem right now. | ||
| They feel everyone's defensive and everyone's either right or wrong. | ||
| It's very white or black. | ||
| There's a lack of humility that maybe... | ||
| Do you think the level of comfort we've achieved is to blame a little bit? | ||
| This is unprecedented. | ||
| I mean, unprecedented in human history. | ||
| You know, when the tech revolution hit on top of the industrial revolution and then the advances in medicine and stuff like we are so used to a level of comfort from air conditioning to all the way to echo chambers to feel comfortable, detached from nature, detached from reality. when the tech revolution hit on top of the industrial | ||
| That any little threat to that comfort, which like you said, leads to growth and is necessary, seems almost like a threat and something that's going to be the opposite of what it is because like you said, those negative things are what make you grow. | ||
| If you don't have any challenges or any brushes with reality, you don't evolve. | ||
| If you don't hear another person's position or perspective, you don't evolve. | ||
| If you don't put yourself in someone else's shoes, you don't evolve. | ||
| It's like everyone is kind of just really, really bunkered down into their team right now and they don't want to see anyone else's perspective. | ||
| They just want to demean them and say they're wrong. | ||
| These are Nazis. | ||
| Everyone who voted for Trump is a white supremacist, that type of thing. | ||
| And then on the flip side, everyone over there is a cock, liberal, fucking, you know, and it's like, dude, we're all just people. | ||
| And like you said, if you grew up in San Francisco, you would be fucking drinking kimchi as well, or whatever it's called, that tea. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The probiotic tea, kimchi or kimchi. | |
| Kombucha? | ||
| Yeah, kombucha. | ||
| You know, I did live in San Francisco when I was little. | ||
| That was one of the things that helped me. | ||
| Did they put kimchi in your bottle? | ||
| No, there was no kimchi back then. | ||
| When I was seven, I lived in San Francisco. | ||
| Seven to eleven. | ||
| I went from Jersey to San Francisco. | ||
| My next door neighbors were this gay couple. | ||
| My aunt used to get naked and smoke pot and play bongos with them. | ||
| I remember that when I was a little kid. | ||
| I thought it was normal. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, I mean, San Fran, it kind of is. | ||
| It was during the Vietnam War. | ||
| It was a wild place. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Nobody wants to... | ||
| Look at another perspective. | ||
| I have a good friend who's very successful and descended of immigrants, not to give too much away, and it's like... | ||
| You know, multi-millionaire now and then like started talking about like white people like we're horrible and I just fucking... | ||
| I was like how much... | ||
| You're a first generation famous multi-millionaire. | ||
| How much quicker did you want this shit to happen? | ||
| It's like you're fucking famous and richer than 99% of the white men that you... | ||
| But they don't want to be attacked. | ||
| It's one of the reasons why they say some of the things they say. | ||
| It's like they think they're doing the right thing but also they don't want to be attacked. | ||
| You're standing on the stage of the Grammys accepting an award where they're saying you're great. | ||
| Your parents fucking swam here. | ||
| How much quicker? | ||
| Like, you know? | ||
| Did you want them to give you this Grammy when you were three? | ||
| Well, there's also the lack of these kind of conversations. | ||
| You know, one of the things that's happening with social media is we're getting... | ||
| With Alan Levinowitz called... | ||
| He's a former guest of the podcast who I think is... | ||
| Very brilliant. | ||
| He discussed social media interaction as processed information. | ||
| The same way processed food is bad for you, processed information and processed discourse is bad for you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Right? | ||
| Dead on. | ||
| When he said that, I remember I reached out to him after he wrote that. | ||
| I'm like, come on here, let's talk. | ||
| And because of that, I feel like that's what's going on with us. | ||
| If you had a disagreement with someone and you had this three and a half hour conversation with them when you got to hash this out and talk through it, you probably realize, oh, this person's a good person. | ||
| They just want the world to be a better place. | ||
| They're just coming from a different world. | ||
| I want to know what world you're coming from or what part of the world and I want to know what your perspective is and I want to understand it. | ||
| And then if I understand it, I can't... | ||
| Things I disagree with. | ||
| Let me tell you why I disagree with it. | ||
| Let me tell you what I agree with. | ||
| I see where you're coming from and talk it through. | ||
| But we're not doing that. | ||
| We're doing that in these like 240 character chunks and then you're pulling over the side of the road to argue with these 240 character chunks and it's just a bad way. | ||
| It's a really shitty, like a marginal... | ||
| It's a very watered down way of communicating. | ||
| Do you think people have it in them, though? | ||
| Or are you coming from a perspective where you're projecting on other people what you yourself have? | ||
| Because I'm a comedian. | ||
| I know that everyone knows it now. | ||
| But it's like you can either, in my opinion, you can either act in the principle of interest or in the interest of principle. | ||
| And you seemed... | ||
| To always, going back in comedy, you defended comics when it wasn't in your interest and you suffered for it. | ||
| I didn't. | ||
| Well, you got banned from the club and, I mean, yeah. | ||
| It all worked out. | ||
| Yeah, it did all work out, but at the time, I mean... | ||
| I mean, did you look that far at the time or was it something instinctual? | ||
| I've got brain damage. | ||
| That's the key. | ||
| Helped me. | ||
| I don't think about things as much as the average person. | ||
| I really think that's part of what's going on. | ||
| I think one of the reasons why I've been put in this weird, unique position, if I had to look at it in terms of the greater plan of the universe, I'd be like, let's take this fucking dude who's been hitting the head a bunch of times, doesn't worry too much about shit. | ||
| And also, I've experienced a lot of dangerous, like legitimately dangerous things. | ||
| It's my position to talk in a, you know, I get it. | ||
| I know that I'm in this weird spot. | ||
| I know this weird spot's not normal. | ||
| Do people have that in them, though, to put self-interest aside and sort of act in the interest of principle? | ||
| Do we all have that in us? | ||
| Like, where does that courage come from? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's possible. | |
| Is it just getting hit in the head? | ||
| Because I'll take a few blows to be a better person. | ||
| No, it's possible. | ||
| I'm joking around about the brain damage. | ||
| But I think part of the reason why I can do it is because I've gone through weird circumstances in life. | ||
| And also empathy. | ||
| I think empathy is something we can never lose. | ||
| It's one of the most important things for understanding each other. | ||
| Like what I said about the way I look at people that used to be babies. | ||
| I look at them that way because of empathy. | ||
| I don't want to look at them and say, fuck that guy. | ||
| It's easy to say, fuck that guy. | ||
| Or fuck her. | ||
| Or fuck that group of people. | ||
| I don't do it. | ||
| I don't do it even if they attack me. | ||
| And one of the reasons why I do is because I think that empathy is one of the most important principles that reasonable people can embrace. | ||
| That's not really sewn into the fabric of America, unfortunately. | ||
| We're kind of more of a rugged individual. | ||
| I pulled myself up by my own bootstraps. | ||
| I fucking jumped out of the vagina on my own. | ||
| No help. | ||
| Came, I started a business. | ||
| I don't need no government teat. | ||
| Yeah, but that's scared America. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's bitch-ass America. | ||
| I think the people that are in a position of power, the people that do have the resources and do have the influence, it's your obligation to be empathetic. | ||
| It's part of what comes with the program. | ||
| This is what comes with the position. | ||
| What comes with the position of being, whether it's the number one podcaster or the president or anything, you have to be empathetic. | ||
| And when you're not, we're furious at you. | ||
| Because you're not elevating the culture. | ||
| You're not elevating the people. | ||
| You're not looking at things from this incredibly privileged stance. | ||
| You're not acknowledging the fact that you're in a unique position. | ||
| You're being selfish. | ||
| You just want to win. | ||
| You want tiger blood. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| You want hashtag winning. | ||
| That was a great moment. | ||
| I mean, yeah. | ||
| It was great in recognizing that you can own up to your bullshit and people will like you. | ||
| Winning! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hashtag winning. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, he's still kicking, right? | ||
| Like, no big deal? | ||
| No, he's in trouble now? | ||
| No, we played a fucking cameo clip of him the other day. | ||
| It's horrible, man. | ||
| He's falling apart. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, he's all... | ||
| Yeah, it's not good. | ||
| Would you take 97, like, boring years or... | ||
| However many Charlie Sheen years... | ||
| I'll take 30 good ones. | ||
| Yeah, Charlie Sheen had a good... | ||
| I don't know if he had a good one. | ||
| I think the Charlie Sheen thing is peripheral. | ||
| When you're looking at it from the outside, yeah, it looks good. | ||
| But I think that guy's filled with sadness. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, I think that's what people... | ||
| Because of the American Dream... | ||
| Somehow we shit on regular people when you don't understand that famous people and shit like that, they just do normal shit every day. | ||
| If Prince is taking pills, it's not great. | ||
| I don't like the way we don't look at nurses and teachers. | ||
| Those are the real heroes. | ||
| My dad... | ||
| My dad and my mom and my brother's brain injured. | ||
| I've spent so much time with people who work with brain injured people and people who deal with sick people. | ||
| And I did social work for, you know, five years. | ||
| And it's like, those are the people that keep this fucking train moving. | ||
| And because they're not like, they don't have a TikTok account or they're not in some fucking dumb show, they're overlooked. | ||
| I'm not just saying that. | ||
| It's like, it's the truth. | ||
| It's the truth. | ||
| It's the truth. | ||
| That's a real job. | ||
| Cheers to that. | ||
| Cheers to that. | ||
| Cheers to them. | ||
| And if you go through stuff, you realize that you're doing a real job. | ||
| You're saving people. | ||
| You're helping people. | ||
| You're doing what you're saying. | ||
| Not being selfish. | ||
| Doing this selfless thing. | ||
| Those are the people that keep this thing going. | ||
| And they're underappreciated. | ||
| They're underappreciated in the most massive of all ways. | ||
| The reason why we don't appreciate teachers or police officers or firemen is because we don't have to. | ||
| It's because they're just out there doing it and we take it for granted. | ||
| And it's wrong. | ||
| It's wrong. | ||
| And they're the foundation of our society. | ||
| So when you see one bad cop, like in the George Floyd situation, one bad cop becomes defund the police. | ||
| God damn it. | ||
| You can't defund the fucking police. | ||
| And you can't defund the teachers. | ||
| You can't defund the firemen. | ||
| You can't defund the nurses. | ||
| You can't defund the doctors. | ||
| We need everybody. | ||
| We need everybody together. | ||
| We need more discussions, man. | ||
| Weirdly enough, from doing this podcast as a joke, just for fun and goofs, has become a legitimate place to discuss real issues that resonate with millions of people. | ||
| And I think... | ||
| It's all in a weird way. | ||
| It's like this is what was supposed to happen. | ||
| It kind of made itself. | ||
| It gave birth to itself. | ||
| There was an opening and it realized that things aren't really being discussed in a long form, really nuanced way. | ||
| What is it in you though? | ||
| Because I know the whole vibe of the digital era has been like shorter, shorter, shorter, shorter, quicker, quicker, lower attention span. | ||
| You probably even got advice like, hey man, that's too long. | ||
| But you just went, hey, let's go three hours. | ||
| Let's go four. | ||
| I mean, I need a bottle to piss in at this point. | ||
| You can go piss. | ||
| No, I'm fine. | ||
| Ari's one of my best friends, but he was always like, you gotta stop. | ||
| You gotta shorten it. | ||
| Edit it. | ||
| You need to edit it. | ||
| I still give him shit to this day. | ||
| It should be less than an hour. | ||
| I was like, no. | ||
| He goes, no one's going to listen. | ||
| I go, then don't listen. | ||
| It was just something in you. | ||
| You were like, this is what I want to do. | ||
| I had fear factor money. | ||
| That was part of it. | ||
| I was like, I don't care what people listen to. | ||
| You don't have to listen. | ||
| I was happy if 200 people... | ||
| The first broadcast me and Red Band did, I think there was like 200 people listening. | ||
| I was like, good. | ||
| 200 is perfect. | ||
| I don't care. | ||
| I don't do it because I want a lot of people. | ||
| And that's the weirdest thing about it all. | ||
| That it's become the number one show in the world. | ||
| I didn't do it because I wanted it to become the number one show in the world. | ||
| I did it because I just did it. | ||
| I think this world needs... | ||
| More of this then in whether you agree with me or disagree Whether you fucking hate me or love me. | ||
| We need more people talking about shit We need and to figure it out and that's one of the problems with banning parlor or gab or Mines or any of these fucking places like we need more people talking about shit And if you think that people shouldn't be calling for the death of politics, I agree with you They shouldn't be you should tell them that right? | ||
| But it's hard to do it digitally. | ||
| It's hard to do it with typing and text and 140 characters or 240 or 280, whatever the fuck it is. | ||
| It's not the way to do it. | ||
| We need to do it by talking in person, person to person. | ||
| But it's the weirdest thing that like... | ||
| The best way to distribute it is to have two people talking person to person and just broadcast it to everybody. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| You don't have to cut to any commercial breaks. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes! | |
| Yeah. | ||
| And the people are struggling to adapt. | ||
| This era is here. | ||
| It's here. | ||
| It's here. | ||
| So it's like your podcast is sort of... | ||
| It's like the progenitor of this era. | ||
| It's like you can continue to... | ||
| To play that, you know, commercial break, pithy, hey, public relations. | ||
| But this is here that shows what's behind, what real people are like and what real conversation is like. | ||
| And it's like, it's a threat to that system because that system is from a different time before we had this technology. | ||
| And now this technology is here. | ||
| It's not going anywhere. | ||
| They're doing smoke signals. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| They hate 4K, but they're doing smoke signals. | ||
| I mean, it's just like... | ||
| People need to talk things through. | ||
| And it's not that there's not a place for those other things, like late night talk shows or any of those things. | ||
| There's a place for them. | ||
| There's always a place for carpool karaoke, yeah. | ||
| Somebody lip-sings their song on the radio on a Kia. | ||
| Yeah, but if you had that guy and he did a podcast, how would that go? | ||
| It probably wouldn't go great. | ||
| It's like a person who's really into mall karate fighting in the UFC. Yeah, I mean, it appears to be real, but it's not. | ||
| And people are starting to get tipped off to that because everything's been stripped away. | ||
| And it's, you know, people are seeing people for who they are in a format like this. | ||
| And that's why when that whole debate thing came up, when I think it was Tim Kennedy, I listened to that episode. | ||
| I love Tim Kennedy. | ||
| I liked him as a fighter. | ||
| I just like him. | ||
| And I listened to an episode and I was like, fuck, I was like emotionally moved. | ||
| By that episode and that call to be like, hey, let's do this here in three, four hours. | ||
| Fucking let's get to know these people. | ||
| That time is coming. | ||
| You can't go. | ||
| That's coming. | ||
| Whether it happens here or somewhere else, it's like the people want to hear. | ||
| If you're going to be president of the United States and if we continue to evolve and we go on that hope train, it's like you're going to want to know a presidential candidate. | ||
| Who they are for three, four hours in a row without like... | ||
| Or more. | ||
| Yeah, or more. | ||
| Fucking ten hours. | ||
| Why not? | ||
| Just make it a fucking Dane Cook set. | ||
| When Lincoln was running for president, he would give these town square speeches that would go on for hours and hours. | ||
| It's kind of wild how advanced things got that it's kind of coming back like the live performance is now the coveted thing because screens are everywhere and that's the special thing now that like TV used to be like oh you're on TV now you're on TV you're like fucking nobody's watching but like if you go to do a live show that's special also that like everything is like curated and everything is filtered and censored and gone through a series of executives and producers and networks But some things aren't. | ||
| And people gravitate towards those things that aren't. | ||
| Because now it exists. | ||
| Well, it's also like the good and the bad. | ||
| It's like at least it's not full of shit. | ||
| Right. | ||
| At least there's not someone who's trying to lie to you because they have some sort of a vested interest in pushing some special interest group's narrative. | ||
| Right. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And that wasn't really exposed. | ||
| That was sort of seen as reality. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That's coming down. | ||
| Maybe we're having a hard time adapting. | ||
| I mean, the digital revolution is powerful. | ||
| It's something we're struggling to adapt to. | ||
| And people are starting to believe that their avatars are real and their online personas are real, where none of it is real. | ||
| Like you said, when you sit down with that same... | ||
| I remember one time, this dude, I was going to do shows in Philly, and he wrote the most horrible thing about me. | ||
| And I just DM'd him. | ||
| And I was like, do you fucking hate me like that? | ||
| He's like, nah, man, I love you. | ||
| I'm going to the show. | ||
| And I'm like, so why did you say that? | ||
| What did he say? | ||
| He was like calling me a liberal cock and like, I hate you. | ||
| You're a liberal? | ||
| Yeah, he was just, I mean, I lean left, yeah. | ||
| But you're a cock? | ||
| Yeah, he was calling all the, and he got personal. | ||
| I don't remember exactly, but he like cursed me out and I DM'd him. | ||
| And yeah, he was like, I love you. | ||
| I think the move is to lean left with strength. | ||
| I think everyone should be centered and lean left or lean right the way it used to be. | ||
| I think leaning left with strength is good because you lean left because you love, because you care. | ||
| When I endorsed Bernie, when I had Bernie on my podcast and he was like, I want people to be absolved of their student loan debt. | ||
| I want people to not have to worry about medical bills. | ||
| I want people to not have to worry about being able to make a living. | ||
| I want people to not have to worry about feeding their family. | ||
| I'm like, who the fuck doesn't? | ||
| Give me a hug. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But then you have to reconcile that with the reality of like, hey, that's coming out of somebody else's pocket and you don't want to- Whose pocket? | ||
| People like me? | ||
| I'll give it to you. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I don't care. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It's like, how many people have too much? | ||
| But you're exemplary in that way. | ||
| Other people are hiding their money and fucking- Brain damage. | ||
| Yeah, well, that's a good thing, I guess. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And I do mushrooms. | |
| Yeah, but I mean, like, if you look at why Greece collapsed, it's because everyone wanted the benefits of socialism, but nobody wanted to pay for it, especially at the top. | ||
| They go hide their money, and they, you know, that's the thing. | ||
| It's human nature, that greed that we got to kind of conquer, like... | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
| Socialism is a beautiful idea. | ||
| It works as a temperance. | ||
| It works to counter capitalism and control it a little bit. | ||
| And that's the other thing. | ||
| People are like, fuck socialism. | ||
| It's like, dude, we already live in a mixed economy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| We live in socialism because the fire department is socialist. | ||
| Right? | ||
| I mean, it is. | ||
| Social security, your parks, your police officers. | ||
| But the fire department is my favorite example. | ||
| Because if you had to pay to have the fire department come to put the fire out in your fucking home... | ||
| And save your family. | ||
| Like, good lord. | ||
| The fire department is my favorite. | ||
| Because the fire department is often ignored and underappreciated. | ||
| And I have many friends that are fire department employees. | ||
| Going back to the 90s, there's a friend of mine that I used to play pool with. | ||
| His name was Ray the Fireman. | ||
| That's what we used to call him. | ||
| The pool hall, the executive billiards. | ||
| He... | ||
| You gotta pay for that. | ||
| How does it get paid? | ||
| We all agree. | ||
| We all agree. | ||
| If you give a certain percentage of your check to make sure that fires are put out so that everyone's house doesn't burn down, we all agree. | ||
| We need to look at that in terms of education, in terms of healthcare, but we also need to realize that people are fucking lazy, and people are weak, and we need to force them to get the fuck up and go. | ||
| It doesn't mean that when you support socialist ideas, it doesn't mean that you don't support people that... | ||
| You need to have discipline. | ||
| We need to enforce that. | ||
| Both things can exist simultaneously. | ||
| Absolutely, yeah. | ||
| Do you think if everyone saw where their taxes were going, like if there was a system where you could see, like you could vote on, these are the taxes we're paying, instead of the government making a decision or passing these Million-page bills where they sneak things in. | ||
| The people had control of, like, my money's going to the schools. | ||
| This is going to infrastructure. | ||
| This is going to the police department. | ||
| If you could see that, more people... | ||
| Taxes wouldn't be as maligned as they are. | ||
| It's like a bad word to say taxes. | ||
| Republicans have really capitalized on that. | ||
| Like, keep more of your money. | ||
| But it's like, hey, what if, like, the school system is great and we all chip in and you could see that your money was going towards that and everyone was chipping in. | ||
| For that. | ||
| If you could talk to a man who's on his deathbed, who's dying, you have a million dollars in the bank, and you go, where do you want it to go? | ||
| Do you want the world to be a better place? | ||
| Or do you want to have a gold casket? | ||
| Leona Helmsley left it to her cat. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Yeah, she left it to her cat. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| I think she did. | ||
| I mean, you could double-check me on that, but I'm almost positive. | ||
| That's probably because a lot of guys fucked her over. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's bad men. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Or, yeah, she was just a bitch, maybe. | ||
| She had a short haircut. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I got a real mean... | ||
| Insight into why women cut their hair short when they get older. | ||
| If I say it, people will hate me. | ||
| But I'll say it. | ||
| I think older women cut their hair short because if you notice, it's sort of an older – as women get older, they cut their hair shorter, shorter because they don't want to have like a guy in a bar see them from the back with long hair and be like, who's this? | ||
| And then they turn around and it's like, I'm a wit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| When I first moved to Hollywood in 1994, I was dating this girl who was bald. | ||
| She shaved her head. | ||
| She was crazy. | ||
| She's from Norway. | ||
| She was a singer. | ||
| And she was really interesting. | ||
| And I was like 27 at the time. | ||
| And, you know, she was my age. | ||
| But she was more advanced. | ||
| She was a really interesting person. | ||
| But I remember we would go out to dinner and she'd wear a wig and shit. | ||
| And we would like smile and laugh and... | ||
| It didn't work out. | ||
| But I remember thinking, like, this lady is so powerful. | ||
| She shaved her fucking head. | ||
| And she was so smart. | ||
| But for whatever reason, like, where I was and where she was, it was incompatible. | ||
| She wasn't a Hasidic Jew or anything, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
She was from Norway. | |
| Oh yeah, they don't have those. | ||
| They have those? | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| Because they shave it and then wear a wig. | ||
| Why did she wear the wig then if she chose to shave? | ||
| For fun. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But she shaved her head on purpose. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| She had a tattoo on her back that was like a demon. | ||
| And I go, why do you have a demon? | ||
| She goes, it protects me. | ||
| I'm like, okay. | ||
| We only hung out for a little while. | ||
| I dated her for a couple of months. | ||
| But I remember thinking, wow, it's really unique to meet this person. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because she decided that societal norms of long, beautiful... | ||
| She never wore makeup, but she was fucking stunning. | ||
| She was beautiful. | ||
| She had a perfect body. | ||
| She was a beautiful woman, but she just decided she wasn't playing these games. | ||
| It's like Rosa... | ||
| Rosa... | ||
| No, not really. | ||
| Well, she shaves her head. | ||
| Yeah, she's kind of a knucklehead. | ||
| But she's cute, though. | ||
|
unidentified
|
She is. | |
| She's cute. | ||
|
unidentified
|
She's cute. | |
| Even with the shaved hat, yeah, she's got a hot face. | ||
| That's something hot about a chick who's hot like that, but also, like, fucking can whoop ass like that. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| This girl was like weird. | ||
| She was weird. | ||
| But I remember meeting her. | ||
| I'm like, I feel like I was supposed to meet you. | ||
| And that was it? | ||
| It was short-lived? | ||
| Didn't last, you know, for whatever reason. | ||
| I'm going back to Nola. | ||
| No, she stayed around. | ||
| I remember she came to the comedy store like a year later with a new guy. | ||
| This is Sven. | ||
| She was pregnant. | ||
| Norwegians are interesting because they recently got rich from their oil money. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, they got tons. | ||
| Their government's really, they have like a fund where they don't spend all the money. | ||
| It's almost like they know it runs out and they have like a government has like a fund where they put all their oil money in there because they're oil rich. | ||
| That's what made them rich. | ||
| They were like a weird people living over there and then they got rich. | ||
| They were always fucked with by the Swedes. | ||
| And now it's funny because now the Swedes go to Norway to work because it's so rich. | ||
| So I used to have a joke when I would go over there and perform where I would say like the Swedes, because they go work in like the bar industry and the service industry and then go back to Sweden because they made so much money. | ||
| And I always said the Swedes were like the Mexicans in Norway. | ||
| They just came back and sent money to their family in Sweden. | ||
| You used to perform in Norway? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I used to go there like once a year to Norway and Sweden and perform in Scandinavia. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| I was like a boy band, yeah. | ||
| I would go and do stand-up over there. | ||
| You were a boy band? | ||
| Because boy bands go to Europe first and they're like, bye, bye, bye. | ||
| And then they come over here and fucking- Bye, bye, bye. | ||
| All the boy bands, they send them to Europe first, and then they get big there. | ||
| Because if you're American, like I was nobody. | ||
| I mean, I still am, but like back then I was like nobody. | ||
| But when you go there, they're like, you're American. | ||
| You must be great. | ||
| And I'd be like, yeah, you know, I'm one of the best comics. | ||
| And they don't, you know, they just go, he's American. | ||
| He must be great. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| Yeah, so I've been to Bergen. | ||
| Bergen is one of the most beautiful cities in the world. | ||
| It rains like most of the year, but it's one of the most beautiful cities I've ever seen. | ||
| It's called Bergen? | ||
| Bergen, Norway. | ||
| That sounds like New Jersey. | ||
| It could be. | ||
| I think there is a Bergen, New Jersey. | ||
| Bergen County. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's the opposite of New Jersey. | ||
| What's it like over there? | ||
| It's there... | ||
| They're a beautiful people. | ||
| I don't know if it's because they were doing eugenics or whatever, especially in Sweden. | ||
| I think that's the dirty secret of Sweden. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's like if you were ugly, they're like, okay, this one goes. | |
| This one go into a basket. | ||
| Yeah, we're putting him here. | ||
| And they're beautiful. | ||
| Swedes are beautiful Viking people. | ||
| Is that it, Jamie? | ||
| Yeah, it's gorgeous. | ||
| I ate whale there. | ||
| You ate a whale? | ||
| I ate whale there with Magnus Bettnir. | ||
| How much of a whale? | ||
| Magnus Bettnir. | ||
| He's like a big Swedish comic. | ||
| And in Norway, it's weird because... | ||
| Look at those houses. | ||
| They're so Nazi-like. | ||
| They are. | ||
| They're all the same. | ||
| Yeah, well, they're all Germanic tribes, but these are like the good Germans, the Norwegians and Swedes. | ||
| Look, we have red. | ||
| Next is yellow. | ||
| Next is red. | ||
| Next is white. | ||
| Yeah, welcome to Norway. | ||
| Purple roof. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Here's some herring for breakfast. | |
| They're smart. | ||
| They're advanced. | ||
| It's clean. | ||
| They speak four languages. | ||
| Four? | ||
| They speak English, Swedish, or Norwegian, which is the same language. | ||
| The Norwegians can understand the Swedes. | ||
| The Swedes struggle to understand the Norwegians. | ||
| In Denmark, Sweden, and Norway, it's the same language, but it's different. | ||
| Neither one of them... | ||
| The Norwegians and Swedes can't understand... | ||
| The Danish, but the Danish can understand the Norwegian and the Swedish. | ||
| It's bugged out. | ||
| They're bugged out. | ||
| They share a history, and then the Finns are different. | ||
| They have a different language that's not based on, what is it, Indo-Hungarian or whatever. | ||
| And they're like four blocks away. | ||
| They're like right there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Weird. | |
| And the Finns are like these weird blonde people with Mongolian, they have Asian eyes, but they're like blonde. | ||
| It's because they're like, I think they were Mongolian that came over and They mix with the Germanic tribes. | ||
| They're bugged out. | ||
| But they're like the smartest. | ||
| They have the best school system in Finland. | ||
| They don't have grades. | ||
| They have like four-day school days. | ||
| The kids don't have homework and they're like the smartest. | ||
| No homework is awesome. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's the way. | ||
| When you're a kid, you hate homework. | ||
| What the fuck is homework? | ||
| It's bullshit. | ||
| They're trying to get you in the cubicle. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They're trying to get you into a spot. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Stay here. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Keep working. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No sleep. | ||
| Yeah, that's another thing that's antiquated. | ||
| Even the five-day work week, why? | ||
| Why? | ||
| Yeah, it used to be seven. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| And I would give them two days. | ||
| Why eight hours a day? | ||
| Why? | ||
| One-third of your fucking day? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then you have commuting. | ||
| So that's two hours up and back. | ||
| So you have like, what, six left? | ||
| And then you go to sleep? | ||
| No good. | ||
| Yeah, and in Scandinavia, I think in France now it's a four-day work week. | ||
| I think it would be good for the economy because then you have more money to spend. | ||
| Sort of, but they can't compete with us. | ||
| No. | ||
| When was the last time you saw a great French comic? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Well, yeah. | ||
| They have their own scene where they take our jokes and then perform them in French. | ||
| Yeah, they know it. | ||
| Good luck. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Good luck, fuckface. | ||
| They love their culture. | ||
| They got good stuff. | ||
| They got good cheese and stuff. | ||
| They have great bread. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I remember this one bartender in Brooklyn. | ||
| This pissed me off. | ||
| This was a French thing. | ||
| She was French. | ||
| And it was a French restaurant. | ||
| I went in and I was like... | ||
| I was in love with Duval. | ||
| You know that beer? | ||
| Duval? | ||
| Duval? | ||
| I called it Duval because I'm an American idiot, according to her. | ||
| So I went in and I was like, can I have a Duval? | ||
| And she went, quoi? | ||
| And I went, Duval, you know the beer? | ||
| And she did like the what? | ||
| Like seven times and then she went, oh, you mean Duval. | ||
| And I was like, you made me do that, you bitch. | ||
| Because I was pronouncing it wrong. | ||
| Yeah, it's good. | ||
| What did you call it? | ||
| I called it a Duval. | ||
| But it's called Duvel, according to her. | ||
| Well, it's spelled Duvel, so I don't know what the fuck is wrong with you. | ||
| Is it good? | ||
| It's really good, man. | ||
| It's really good. | ||
| Better than Budweiser? | ||
| I doubt it. | ||
| Budweiser gets warm, it tastes like piss. | ||
| I'm sorry, yeah. | ||
| What is Duvel's? | ||
| It tastes like when it's warm. | ||
| Good point. | ||
| Yeah, good point. | ||
| I haven't tried it warm. | ||
| Probably shit, too. | ||
| We used to always hear that about, like, European beers. | ||
| They liked it warm. | ||
| They drink it warm, I think, sometimes. | ||
| Oh, that's why they didn't succeed. | ||
| It's better cold, let's be honest. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes! | |
| Most things are. | ||
| Except for fucking... | ||
| It's good when it's a little sweaty. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You don't want cold beer in, like, cold fucking. | ||
| No. | ||
| No. | ||
| You want to be cozy fucking. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Cold beer and warm fucking. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Duvel. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, they just live in cold up there. | ||
| I mean, it's like... | ||
| No sun. | ||
| Highest suicide rate, I think, is like one of those countries, Finland, Sweden, or Norway. | ||
| Really? | ||
| They got a weird tribe of people called the Sami people, or Sami, Sami, and they're just like native. | ||
| They have their own world up there. | ||
| Nobody goes up there, and they're like a tribal people. | ||
| They still live off the land. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's sad. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Anytime someone doesn't want to come into your neighborhood... | ||
| That's not good. | ||
| No. | ||
| What do you mean? | ||
| Like them coming down? | ||
| Or us coming there. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But then don't we fuck up their shit? | ||
| How so? | ||
| They're living in terrible places. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Warm beer and cold fucking. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I mean... | |
| Try Chick-fil-A. It's great. | ||
| Chick-fil-A is good. | ||
| We should go to Scandinavia and be like, have you tried the fucking Chick-fil-A chicken sandwich? | ||
| Chick-fil-A is so good we tolerate them being closed on Sunday. | ||
| So good. | ||
| And we tolerate that they're not for gay marriage because that chicken sandwich is so good. | ||
| Gay people eat Chick-fil-A. You can't help it, dude. | ||
| It's so good. | ||
| I don't know what they're doing. | ||
| The right amount of buffalo sauce. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| It's the buffalo sauce. | ||
| Can't lay off buffalo sauce. | ||
| Is that what it is? | ||
| I'll fucking eat buffalo sauce on a boot. | ||
| I don't care. | ||
| But it's a weird thing. | ||
| It's like we know that they're super religious to the point where they close down on Sunday. | ||
| I'm like, whatever. | ||
| Whenever I drive by Chick-fil-A on Sunday, I'm like, oh yeah. | ||
| Can't get in there. | ||
| Is that because they're religious? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| They're legitimately the only fast food, like major fast food chain that's closed on Sunday. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What happened to all those fundamentalist Christians? | ||
| Remember that was like the big... | ||
| They were big. | ||
| Are they still big? | ||
| Joel Osteen's big. | ||
| I mean, that kid does arenas. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Arenas. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| He's like you in the religious world. | ||
| He's killing it. | ||
| Yeah, he's fucking killing it. | ||
| Killing the game. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| His material's a little stale, but he's fucking killing it. | ||
| Doesn't have to be good. | ||
| Yeah, he's just like... | ||
| There's not a lot of competition. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Imagine if comics started doing religious shit, like comics started doing arenas. | ||
| Comics do do arenas. | ||
| Like religious arenas. | ||
| Oh, they're big. | ||
| We took over. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We started doing both stand-up, do arenas in a day for Jesus, night for dick jokes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, yeah. | ||
| But that's the problem. | ||
| It's like it's an art form that's underrepresented by talented people. | ||
| Which one? | ||
| The religious? | ||
| Fundamentalist religion. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's just an art form. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know, you're getting people, ladies and gentlemen, Jesus wants you to succeed! | ||
| Jesus! | ||
| Jesus! | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And so many people, like, they want happiness, they want success, they want redemption, they want all those things. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And they should be able to do that. | ||
| I think mediums, too. | ||
| If you believe that, if you believe John Edward can speak to your dead relatives, why are we being mean to John Edward? | ||
| That's a skill. | ||
| He has an earpiece in. | ||
| He does have an earpiece in, yeah. | ||
| I love that. | ||
| The cold reading is like, is anyone here? | ||
| Did anyone have a John? | ||
| A J? Someone's like, yeah. | ||
| It's like, what? | ||
| You can talk to dead people, but it's like a bad connection? | ||
| What do you have, like Metro PCS? Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's better than Metro BCS. Yeah. | |
| If you can pull it off, get your money, Long Island Medium. | ||
| She crushes. | ||
| Who's that? | ||
| You don't know the Long Island Medium? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, I do. | |
| I was in a place in Vegas, and I looked at the schedule for the future, and the Long Island Medium was like two weeks later. | ||
| I was like, what? | ||
| She crushes. | ||
| She's big. | ||
| She had a show, and she's just like a housewife in New Jersey who speaks to dead people. | ||
| Does she really? | ||
| Of course not. | ||
| There she is. | ||
| Look at her hair. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| I'm from Long Island. | ||
| Look at that fucking hair. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Jesus Christ, look at that hair. | ||
| It's like she wants you to know she's full of shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Teresa Caputo. | ||
| Teresa Caputo. | ||
| You can't make this stuff up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Go back to that. | ||
| What was that? | ||
| Make that bigger so my fucking old eyes can read it. | ||
| What does it say? | ||
| In case anyone is interested in reading about the live experience. | ||
| I think these are fan testimonial. | ||
| Oh god damn it. | ||
| You can't make this stuff up. | ||
| But you can. | ||
| You totally can! | ||
| You can make a lot of shit up. | ||
| Go to the photos. | ||
| I want to see the people that believe. | ||
| Show me. | ||
| Yeah, there you go. | ||
| Yeah, that girl in the lower right. | ||
| The girl in the upper right, rather, with the blue dress. | ||
| She believes. | ||
| She believes. | ||
| Of course she does. | ||
| That guy in the middle, go above. | ||
| I think these are appearances. | ||
| I understand. | ||
| That guy. | ||
| Of course he believes. | ||
| He wants to fuck her. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He wants to fuck her right in the hair. | ||
| Wants to fuck her hair. | ||
| Keep going. | ||
| Scroll down. | ||
| Looks like she has an animal on her head. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| It's an alien. | ||
| Look at that guy. | ||
| Is that Steve Harvey? | ||
| Yeah, that's me. | ||
| These are all TV show appearances. | ||
| She's massive. | ||
|
unidentified
|
She's big. | |
| That would be funny if she really, like, if God chose her. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yeah, that would be funny. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But probably not, right? | ||
| No, probably not, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, probably full of shit. | ||
| You ever see that documentary about the guy who tried to prove those guys wrong and did it? | ||
| Oh, what's it? | ||
| Oh, God, it's such a good documentary. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| It was on Netflix for a while. | ||
| And he actually was a guy like Darren Brown. | ||
| You ever heard of that guy Darren Brown? | ||
| I've had him on. | ||
| Yeah, who like proved that it was wrong, but he did it before Darren Brown. | ||
| And like the biggest medium at the time, he called them out for being full of shit. | ||
| He went in, he had like a team of guys going and they caught the radio waves of them and totally called them on their bullshit. | ||
| The Great Something. | ||
| His name was like The Great... | ||
| I can't remember. | ||
| It's an amazing documentary. | ||
| It's sad. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| People want to be manipulated. | ||
| Reality is kind of like... | ||
| Reality is full of pain. | ||
| People don't want it. | ||
| They want to believe that their relatives are talking to them, watching over them, their dog is galloping in heaven. | ||
| Their dog is galloping in heaven. | ||
| Galloping in heaven, yeah. | ||
| That is what they want. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Maybe your dog is. | ||
| Or maybe your dog is now a butterfly. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Worm food. | ||
| And then we continue on. | ||
| Or your dog is now your baby. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Comes back, the spirit comes back as... | ||
| People step on ants, you come back as an ant. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It goes on forever and ever and ever. | ||
| There's got to be a finite amount of energy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Maybe reincarnation is true. | |
| Well, the weirdest description of life I ever read was this guy was describing how you live the same life over and over and over again until you get it right. | ||
| And I brought it up to my daughter the other day, and she was angry. | ||
| She was like, I don't want to do this. | ||
| I go, wait a minute, stop. | ||
| Do you not love your life? | ||
| She goes, I do. | ||
| I go, do you not love your family? | ||
| She goes, I do. | ||
| Do you love your friends? | ||
| She goes, I do. | ||
| But I think, I go, but wouldn't you want to just keep going? | ||
| And she was looking at me like, what if you had to do this over and over and over again until you got it perfect? | ||
| It's not possible. | ||
| Well, do you say this because of the life you're living right now? | ||
| The times you know you ratted out your sister. | ||
| The times you know you lied about using your phone. | ||
| The times you lied about whether or not you were paying attention to doing Zoom classes at school. | ||
| Is that what it is? | ||
| Or... | ||
| Like, if I had to live this life over and over and over and over again for infinity, would I be upset? | ||
| Don't I enjoy this? | ||
| Like, why am I worried about living it forever and ever? | ||
| But I think for a lot of people, that's more disturbing than this life ending. | ||
| If it didn't end, it would have no meaning. | ||
| Nothing would have any meaning. | ||
| What has meaning right now? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I mean, death kind of gives everything meaning because it makes it special. | ||
| I mean, imagine if I was like, hey, if I don't see you tomorrow, I'll see you in the next million years or trillion or infinity. | ||
| Everyone's afraid to die, but no one's afraid to sleep. | ||
| Yeah, Nas, right? | ||
| Sleep is the cousin of death. | ||
| I don't sleep. | ||
| When I had COVID, I was scared to sleep. | ||
| I developed some weird fear of sleeping, and I wasn't sleeping. | ||
| How long did this COVID thing last for you? | ||
| It was like three weeks. | ||
| Three weeks? | ||
| Three weeks, yeah. | ||
| Wow, Jamie got over it in a day. | ||
| He's got superior genes, man. | ||
| Young Jamie fucking crushed it, yeah. | ||
| Jamie thought he had an allergy. | ||
| Yeah, mine was three weeks. | ||
| Mine was bad. | ||
| I had the GI version, so it got in my GI tract, and the diarrhea was legendary. | ||
| I was on the toilet. | ||
| Do you feel like overall, though, the experience of getting through it made you better? | ||
| I do. | ||
| I do. | ||
| It humbled me. | ||
| It made me appreciate health in a way that I've never before appreciated it. | ||
| I remember saying to myself, I would give up anything to just be healthy and be with my wife and my daughter. | ||
| They're my life, and that's all I care about. | ||
| And that was something for a comic. | ||
| Comics, we're just like these damaged narcissists that always think about ourselves. | ||
| That is a really beautiful thing that I think came out of it. | ||
| The only thing I cared about during that whole thing was getting back to my wife and daughter. | ||
| And now it's stuck with me. | ||
| I think even doing this massive show, I would be a lot more nervous. | ||
| And now I'm like, this is the greatest thing. | ||
| This is the comics jewel now to sit down with Joe and fucking talk. | ||
| This is great. | ||
| This is one of the best experiences of my life. | ||
| But... | ||
| Being with my daughter and my wife is just like nothing. | ||
| I just want to be with my daughter. | ||
| And some of that was like COVID kicking my ass, being like, I just want to feel healthy to get back with my family. | ||
| And that's still there. | ||
| And I don't think it'll ever go. | ||
| Don't you think that's awesome? | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| That's the best thing about overcoming adversity. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It makes you stronger. | ||
| It does make you stronger. | ||
| It humbles you. | ||
| And through that humility, you do grow empathy. | ||
| You grow sympathy. | ||
| You see yourself critically. | ||
| Like I was calling all my friends and apologizing. | ||
| And that made me scared to him. | ||
| I was like, am I losing it? | ||
| Because I needed to call everyone. | ||
| Because I started to become like this really closed person. | ||
| And like that... | ||
| I wasn't talking to anyone. | ||
| It really opened me up to just being more open and connecting with people. | ||
| It just changed me. | ||
| It totally changed me to be a better person, for sure. | ||
| That's what we should all hope for. | ||
| Everyone should get COVID. Bad. | ||
| Bad case. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Things that challenge you. | |
| Yes. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| The scariest things, facing your fears... | ||
| The things that hurt you the most, that you get through, it's a cliche, but what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. | ||
| It's just fucking true. | ||
| It's just a true thing. | ||
| And you almost don't become a better person unless you have adversity. | ||
| There's no... | ||
| It's like, how good would Muhammad Ali be if he didn't have the Rumble in the Jungle or Frasier? | ||
| Would he be the great, you know? | ||
| If he was just mowing everyone down. | ||
| That's the thing about Khabib. | ||
| You're like, did he face someone? | ||
| He mowed everyone down and that's... | ||
| Yeah, but he mowed down the best of the best. | ||
| He mowed down the best. | ||
| Connor fought him after a two-year layoff. | ||
| He was kind of boozing a little bit, right? | ||
| Like, if you think Connor was in the flow, you think he would have maybe had better takedown defense? | ||
| Maybe he would have. | ||
| He won a round. | ||
| Nobody's ever done that. | ||
| I want to see one more fight between them. | ||
| Well, he was retired. | ||
| I know. | ||
| He's done. | ||
| I know. | ||
| Do you think that eats Connor up? | ||
| Maybe, but it's supposed to eat him up. | ||
| I mean, he's going to level Dustin. | ||
| I mean, he's going to level him. | ||
| Who knows? | ||
| I mean, the kid's a good striker. | ||
| Dustin might crack him. | ||
| He's got to get hold of him. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| He's got a good chin too, Connor. | ||
| The only thing is he gasses. | ||
| He gasses. | ||
| Well, he gasses because he sprints. | ||
| His whole style is explosive. | ||
| His whole style is just darting on you with explosive, fast twitch muscle fiber. | ||
| Really fast punches and kicks and just tries to end you quick. | ||
| That's the beautiful thing about balance. | ||
| You hit the gas quickly, you don't have it at the end. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's no yang without a yang. | ||
| For every strength, there's a weakness. | ||
| MMA, that's what makes MMA so dope. | ||
| You're watching two dudes, you're like, this guy's strong here, striking, this guy's good at grappling, this guy's good at jujitsu, this guy's... | ||
| That's why it's analogous to life. | ||
| There's a thing that makes it, you can reference all of the various aspects of any kind of discipline where it's like a really difficult struggle. | ||
| You could reference those and use those as an example for life. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And maybe the world in America is the way that it is now is because a lot of people are not having kids. | ||
| People on the coast especially are waiting until they're like 60 to have kids. | ||
| They're so comfortable in the city. | ||
| Their food's just right there in the supermarket. | ||
| They're avoiding struggle. | ||
| There's just no struggle. | ||
| They're scared. | ||
| Parents are paying for their rent. | ||
| They're living their dream. | ||
| Oh, parents paying for your rent. | ||
| Oh, so dangerous. | ||
| Do you think it'd be better? | ||
| Here's my idea. | ||
| You tell me, Joe, what you think about this. | ||
| If this was my political platform. | ||
| Because so many people with dreams come to cities and gentrify cities. | ||
| Don't you think there should be like a dream police? | ||
| Where we hire a bunch of people from that city, like lower... | ||
| Isn't that a police song? | ||
| Huh? | ||
| The dream police... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Sorry. | ||
| But then you get like five years... | ||
| If you're going to be a comic or an actor or a writer, you get like five years. | ||
| And if you don't make it, then we hire like a bunch of like underprivileged kids to just beat the shit. | ||
| Like just jump them one night. | ||
| But there's some people that like they get through five years and they figure it out. | ||
| I know. | ||
| They figure out what they're doing wrong, and then they rise. | ||
| But too late. | ||
| You met your five-year quota. | ||
| That keeps the dream train moving, you know? | ||
| Yeah, but the dream train can't have that, because everybody's perspective is different. | ||
| The place they're coming to it from is different. | ||
| Some people, it takes them 10 years, and then they rise. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We don't want to deprive people of certain folks. | ||
| All right. | ||
| Well, I'll remove it from my platform then. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| Yeah, you can't put a timeline on evolution. | ||
| It's like chimps are still around. | ||
| So are people. | ||
| Chimps are starting to use rocks and tools. | ||
| There's a lot of anthropologists that think that primates are in the Stone Age right now. | ||
| I saw a video of them one fishing or some shit, like spearfishing, right? | ||
| Yeah, an orangutan. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's bugged out. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Hanging onto a branch. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Spearing fish. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| That's us. | ||
| That's us like a million years ago, whatever. | ||
| And when you look at some of those tribes, like the Brazilian rainforest still has those indigenous tribes, and it's like looking back in time. | ||
| Yeah, in a lot of ways. | ||
| But maybe better, because they don't have the distractions, they don't have a lot of the bullshit, and they're doing ayahuasca, you know, like merging with each other. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| On these, you know, monthly rituals. | ||
| They're getting together and then... | ||
| And they're not trying to hide from death, you know? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm scared of that stuff. | ||
| I'm scared of the loss of control. | ||
| Who isn't? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We all are. | ||
| That's why, like, I'm scared of drugs and shit. | ||
| I'm like... | ||
| What drugs are you scared of? | ||
| All of them. | ||
| I just don't... | ||
| Yeah, I don't want to feel anything. | ||
| I don't want to feel like, oh my god, I'm not in control. | ||
| You smoke pot? | ||
| No. | ||
| What about mushrooms? | ||
| I did Mushrooms once, and I just remember I was running around going, where is the script? | ||
| Where is the script? | ||
| That's what you're saying? | ||
| Yeah, everything felt scripted. | ||
| I was going, where is the script? | ||
| What do you mean? | ||
| I just remember feeling like things were fake. | ||
| It wasn't real. | ||
| And one of my friends, it just felt like a play. | ||
| That's probably life. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It felt like... | ||
| Same experience my first time mushrooms too. | ||
| Really? | ||
| We all thought everyone was here for us. | ||
| We're like, thank you for showing up to our movie. | ||
| That's exactly how I felt. | ||
|
unidentified
|
100%. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Very weird. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I was running around saying that and people were going like, what are you talking about? | ||
| I was like, there's a script. | ||
| Where's the script? | ||
| Oh, I never had that. | ||
| Have you ever had a bad trip? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Most of the times I smoke pot. | ||
| So why do you continue to do it if it's bad? | ||
| I force bad trips. | ||
| You're a beast. | ||
| I don't want anything to do with that. | ||
| I'd be like, mommy, I'm scared enough. | ||
| Turn it off. | ||
| I like being scared. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I do. | ||
| I like being super paranoid. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| I get worried about my sanity when that happens. | ||
| I do too. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I do too. | ||
| I like it. | ||
| Why? | ||
| Because I worry... | ||
| I think that there's a real... | ||
| I know I've gone through it before. | ||
| The first couple times I probably didn't like it. | ||
| But I know that now I've been through it and I know on the other end I'm going to learn something about myself. | ||
| Why I'm scared, what I'm worried about. | ||
| Like, the only way to really find out what you're worried about, especially if you're a protective person who's like, you know, your ego is strong and, you know, you think about yourself in a certain way, you've got to obliterate that. | ||
| And the best way to obliterate that, for me, is like a bad trip. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| You know, because you get on the other end of it and you go, okay, I'm sorry. | ||
| Like, I'm going to be a better person. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, that's... | ||
| It's a scary thing that you always survive. | ||
| You always survive. | ||
| Like, I know when I'm getting into it that it's scary, but I also know that I'm most likely going to survive. | ||
| So I just breathe and just get through it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then I learn something on the other end. | ||
| Breathing is a big part of it. | ||
| When you get scared, you stop breathing. | ||
| It's funny. | ||
| Breathing is huge. | ||
| Six seconds in. | ||
| Hold it. | ||
| Six seconds out. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| When I was trying to get my heart rate down after I was panicking with COVID, that's what I was doing. | ||
| I was doing through the nose, holding it, and then letting it out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm doing it with you now. | |
| Just go six in, six out. | ||
| It really turns out to be five seconds. | ||
| You count to six, but you're a bitch, so you're really getting five seconds in in a six-second count. | ||
| That's how I think about myself. | ||
| When I'm nervous about things, I go six in, six out. | ||
| And it turns out to be generally about five seconds. | ||
| Navy SEALs can probably hold it for a long time. | ||
| Oh yeah, you have to. | ||
| Well, anybody who's a free diver, all that stuff is just about control. | ||
| It's about controlling your anxiety and your fear. | ||
| But you concentrate on your breathing instead of concentrating... | ||
| On your worries and your fears, and you can get through it. | ||
| Yeah, you always do. | ||
| That's the thing about anxiety. | ||
| It feels like it's going to stay, but it always goes. | ||
| That's why I like bad trips. | ||
| Because you know it's going to end. | ||
| Yeah, because I feel in the middle of it. | ||
| This is terrifying, but on the end, I'm going to learn something. | ||
| I'm going to have a revelation. | ||
| What was your worst trip? | ||
| You've probably had a bunch. | ||
| I've had a lot. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I mean, just fearful. | ||
| Just worried about them. | ||
| That I'm going to die without being a good person. | ||
| That I'm going to die without reaching my potential. | ||
| That I've stumbled so many times I'll never recover. | ||
| All those things. | ||
| That... | ||
| Who I know I can be, I will never reach. | ||
| All the times I've been mean or dismissive. | ||
| It's just like I've set out ripples in a negative way that I can't bring back, that I can't recover from. | ||
| That's part of growth, though. | ||
| Nobody's perfect. | ||
| Except Jesus. | ||
| And that's why I'm really here. | ||
| Guys, Jesus is the way. | ||
| Dude, we're like four hours and... | ||
| How many minutes in? | ||
| 3.42. | ||
| Oh, that's why I can't feel my legs. | ||
| 3.42? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Cuomo vows New York will legalize adult use recreational cannabis. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Cuomo must have fucking eaten an edible. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Realized. | ||
| He probably had a bad trip and realized exactly what we've been talking about. | ||
| He fucked up. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, the whole marijuana... | ||
| What's that? | ||
| Gambling and weed in like a week. | ||
| In a week? | ||
| They gotta do something. | ||
| Well, that's the best way to bring back the economy. | ||
| You got to. | ||
| That's actually very wise of him. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| If that fucking dipshit Newsom would realize the same thing. | ||
| I mean, you got to. | ||
| You wanna bring back California, fuckface? | ||
| You know you fucked up, French laundry boy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ha! | |
| You gotta do it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Legal weed! | |
| Legal weed and prostitution. | ||
| Legal weed is already a thing in California. | ||
| They need to bring back the cannabis and the gambling. | ||
| Why not prostitution? | ||
| Why not make it legal and tax... | ||
| Or make gold digging illegal. | ||
| You gotta be honest. | ||
| I mean, you gotta respect those ladies. | ||
| That's a job. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It is a job. | |
| Fucking someone you don't want to fuck. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| And all the maintenance to look good and get your tits done. | ||
| That's a job. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| Maybe they should be taxed on whatever their stipend is, their weekly stipend. | ||
| No. | ||
| No. | ||
| No, they should be free. | ||
| Free to commit gold digging illegally. | ||
| But we have to recognize that gold digging is not that much different than prostitution. | ||
| Very similar. | ||
| It's legal prostitution. | ||
| If you see a dime and she's with Rupert Murdoch, you're like, you need to pull her aside and interrogate her. | ||
| Or... | ||
| Legalized prostitution. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's a prostitute. | ||
| That's a prostitute. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| All those girls have fucked Harvey Weinstein. | ||
| What do you think is going on? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You think they loved him for his fucking personality and his body? | ||
| Zero chance. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm no mathematician, but zero chance. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm not a mathematician either, but I'm sensible. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, no, that's the same thing. | ||
| Same thing. | ||
| Why is prostitution illegal? | ||
| It just makes no sense. | ||
| No sense. | ||
| No sense. | ||
| It's one of those things that you know it's going to happen. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's harmless in a lot of ways. | ||
| It's a choice. | ||
| Here's why. | ||
| You'd actually make it safer if it was legal. | ||
| You don't want your daughter to do it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No! | |
| That's why it's illegal. | ||
| No, I don't. | ||
| You're like, stop! | ||
| No! | ||
| Make it stop! | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No. | ||
| No, it should be legal, though. | ||
| But, you know, it should be discouraged. | ||
| Same way as being a garbage man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, there's just no way to get at it. | ||
| There's just always a downside. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's a downside. | ||
| That's reality. | ||
| But we need our garbage picked up and some guys need to come. | ||
| And you just need, you need, those are needs. | ||
| They're needs that need to be met. | ||
| I think the world, there'd probably be less violence if prostitution was legal. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| Guys get these nuts out. | ||
| These insecure guys will get these nuts out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
None. | |
| Not just that, but there's a lot of people that just don't have affection and love. | ||
| There's people that get paid to spoon with people. | ||
| You know that, right? | ||
| Yeah, I've seen that. | ||
| How is that legal? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's a problem when people cum? | ||
| Right. | ||
| When's it a problem? | ||
| How come it's not a problem when people massage your feet? | ||
| Right. | ||
| Right. | ||
| That's legal? | ||
| Yeah, if some juice came out of your feet, then it makes it illegal? | ||
| What's the difference? | ||
| Foot juice! | ||
| That's a good point, man. | ||
| That's a very good point. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| It's fucking ridiculous. | ||
| It is. | ||
| It's like a bunch of nanny people. | ||
| Nanny state. | ||
| It really is. | ||
| You know, you can't stop prostitution. | ||
| Shouldn't stop anything. | ||
| And marijuana is one of those things you're like, what the fucks took so long for it to be legal? | ||
| I mean, all the evidence. | ||
| That's when people get skeptical of the government. | ||
| They're going, what the fuck, man? | ||
| So I can beat my wife, kill you in a car... | ||
| You know, decimate my family, die of liver damage, but I can't smoke a bowl. | ||
| You can drink yourself to death. | ||
| To death. | ||
| Alcohol is a hundred times more dangerous than marijuana. | ||
| Not even the same animal. | ||
| And it's like, that's illegal? | ||
| It just doesn't make sense. | ||
| So what's Cuomo's plan? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I didn't look at a plan. | |
| I just thought they were going to do it. | ||
| In two weeks? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| In the last week, they've announced that they're going to legalize gambling and also this plan. | ||
| Well, they need to. | ||
| That's a good move for him. | ||
| Especially with the tax base gone. | ||
| Now all the rich people have fled. | ||
| Goddamn, they fled. | ||
| That fucking de Blasio. | ||
| That fucking dipshit. | ||
| It's brutal. | ||
| That silly man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yep. | |
| I didn't think it mattered who the mayor was. | ||
| I didn't used to think so either. | ||
| I didn't think it mattered. | ||
| But when the shit hits the fan and someone could shut down restaurants, you're like, oh my god, it matters. | ||
| It matters so much. | ||
| In some ways, it matters more than the president if you live in New York City. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| It matters so much. | ||
| Or if you live in Los Angeles. | ||
| Garcetti. | ||
| New York needs a Republican mayor. | ||
| It's a tough money town. | ||
| That's why when AOC was like... | ||
| And Markakis, or whatever his name is, some Greek kid who's a local councilman, they were like, no Amazon. | ||
| I'm like, what are you talking about, man? | ||
| No Amazon. | ||
| What do you think makes a city a city? | ||
| Throughout history, it's like cities come up around business. | ||
| She's not even 30. It's like, what do you want to do? | ||
| More nail salons and pizza shops? | ||
| How are we going to fucking get jobs here? | ||
| It's the digital age. | ||
| It's like Amazon wants to come. | ||
| Of course they get tax breaks. | ||
| That's why they're fucking coming. | ||
| But do you know what that does for the economy, you dummy? | ||
| You fucking dummy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And she was like, that money could go to... | ||
| It's like, you don't even understand. | ||
| Where's the money come from? | ||
| Where does it come from, dude? | ||
| Yeah, it comes from tax the rich. | ||
| She sold tax the rich sweaters for $58. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You know that? | ||
| I didn't know that, but... | ||
| You didn't know that? | ||
| No. | ||
| She sold sweatshirts. | ||
| They said tax the rich on them, and they cost $58. | ||
| Yeah, that's fine. | ||
| But you gotta be rich to buy this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What does a fucking sweatshirt cost without tax the rich on it? | |
| It's probably like $10. | ||
| Where's the other $48? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| It's so fucking dumb. | ||
| It's so dumb. | ||
| Yeah, when anyone thinks they have all the answers, that's when you go like, I'm skeptical of that person. | ||
| Yeah, you should be. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You should be. | ||
| Giannis Papas, we just did it. | ||
| It was a long, long time coming, but I'm glad. | ||
| Thank you for having me, man. | ||
| My pleasure, brother. | ||
| Yeah, I really appreciate it. | ||
| Thank you very much. | ||
| This was so much fun. | ||
| It was a lot of fun. | ||
| Let's hang out tonight. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| We'll do it again. | ||
| Yes, sir. | ||
| God bless America! | ||
| God bless the world! | ||
| Praise Oden! | ||
| Anything else? | ||
| No, I was going to say those three things. | ||
| That's a wrap. |
Export Selection