Dec. 7, 2020 - The Joe Rogan Experience
01:41:36
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
|
unidentified
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The Joe Rogan Experience. | |
| Train by day. | ||
| Joe Rogan Podcast by night. | ||
| All day! | ||
| All day! | ||
|
unidentified
|
We're already rolling, so just keep going with it. | |
| Oh, sorry. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We are? | |
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| We're talking about Steve Byrne's new movie. | ||
| Yeah, opening act. | ||
| Steve Byrne got in a lot of fights? | ||
| Yeah, he had more than... | ||
| He's so nice. | ||
| He is. | ||
| He is, but I don't know what it was. | ||
| But I remember he was at the comic strip, and he did the late night show, and somehow somebody threw a chair at him. | ||
| I remember it hit him in the head, and he got cut. | ||
| And then two days later, I go to the comic strip, and somebody had taken his head shot down and put staples in his forehead where he got hit by the chair and put it back up. | ||
| I guess back when you could do stuff like that, he could just tease somebody. | ||
| So he had that movie coming out. | ||
| I was just saying it got nominated for... | ||
| For some film festival awards, so I was very, very happy for him. | ||
| He's a guy, like, if you had told me, like, do you think Steve Byrne has ever been in a fight? | ||
| I'd be like, no, he's so nice. | ||
| Who's gonna fight Steve Byrne? | ||
| I'll let Steve come on here one day and tell the story. | ||
| I would love to hear it. | ||
| I know a half a dozen. | ||
| Well, Al Madrigal's another one. | ||
| Like, when I heard that Al Madrigal has a temper, I'm like, what? | ||
| Al? | ||
| I didn't. | ||
| I've never seen it. | ||
| That's weird. | ||
| The side of Al I know is always hugs. | ||
| I've known Al since he was an opening act at the Old Cobbs in San Francisco. | ||
| Downstairs, a little tiny club. | ||
| Did you ever work that place? | ||
| No, I did. | ||
| I've done the regular. | ||
| I didn't know there was another one. | ||
| The old Cobbs was tiny. | ||
| It was a little tiny place. | ||
| There was Tom Sawyer, the guy who ran the second Cobbs. | ||
| He used to run... | ||
| It was a great club. | ||
| It was great. | ||
| He had a real good taste for comedy, so the level of comedy was very good. | ||
| Dom Herrera told me about it. | ||
| So I went there and this is when Al Madrigal was first starting out. | ||
| One of the first times I ever hung out with Al Madrigal. | ||
| I was working there for the weekend. | ||
| Al was the, I think he was the MC. And after the show, he and I went over to, I think it was his brother's house, and we got super baked and watched old Oprah Winfrey episodes. | ||
| It was Oprah back when it was Big Hair Oprah. | ||
| Remember Big Hair Oprah? | ||
| I remember Crazy Show Oprah. | ||
| That was the show. | ||
| She had like KKK people and there was like white plastic chairs. | ||
| Yeah, midgets and all kinds of crazy shit. | ||
| That was what Oprah was. | ||
| And we were just barbecued, smoking out of a bong like high school kids. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Watching Oprah Winfrey. | ||
| Yeah, that's Big Hair Oprah. | ||
| Old school. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, wow. | |
| Old school. | ||
| I don't remember. | ||
| That's when she was probably just in Chicago, right? | ||
| I do not know, but it was like... | ||
| No, wait. | ||
| I was watching it back. | ||
| I knew of it. | ||
| Well, that was back when she had the smarts to see where that was going. | ||
| Because that was like Morton Downey Jr., the Ricky Lakes, and all of them were just doing... | ||
| Daytime TV... Was fucking bananas. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| Was crazy. | ||
| And then Jerry Springer, I think he was like the goat of all of that stuff. | ||
| He hung in there longer than all of them. | ||
| Jenny Jones was doing it. | ||
| Remember Jenny Jones? | ||
| She used to have a comedy show. | ||
| Do you remember this? | ||
| Where it was women's only. | ||
| Jenny Jones was a comic before she was ever one of those daytime talk show hosts. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| She was like a pretty good comic, you know, doing the road, but she found a niche and that niche was girls only. | ||
| So she wouldn't let anybody in that was a man. | ||
| No managers, get the fuck out of here. | ||
| It was all women. | ||
| And so they would tell like dirty dick sucking stories and wild shit and just do wild comedy only for women. | ||
| And Jenny Jones had a super popular daytime talk show until... | ||
| They had a show where they had a guy on, and he said, you have a secret crush, and they bring in the secret crush, and it's another guy that he works with. | ||
| And the guy who he works with was like, you know, I've always fantasized about you, and this and that. | ||
| And so he went over that guy's house after the show aired. | ||
| He was embarrassed, and he shot him and killed him. | ||
| Yeah, I remember. | ||
| Yeah, and then they were like... | ||
| That was it. | ||
| They killed the show. | ||
| You know, it happens. | ||
| Music, everything like that. | ||
| That was the end of the disco era, I guess, of the talk shows. | ||
| But with Al Magical, I can't imagine that he had a temper. | ||
| My experiences with Al Magical was always super fun, very friendly, always laughing. | ||
| No, he doesn't snap. | ||
| He just sort of gets quiet and then stares at the target and the wheels start turning. | ||
| I think he's half Sicilian, half Mexican, so he has all that love, family, all that. | ||
| But if you cross him... | ||
| The anger. | ||
| It's not like me. | ||
| I got the German-Irish temper where I just flip out and I start screaming. | ||
| He's plotting your demise. | ||
| I used to do a thing with him at Nerd Melt. | ||
| And I swear to God, it was like every three shows, he would tell a story about something that he did during his daily dad life, something that somebody did to him, and what he did to get revenge. | ||
| And, you know, as he's telling it, he's not in the mindset. | ||
| He's like, okay, so they did this. | ||
| And so I was like, okay. | ||
| And then I went down, and then just this calculated, like... | ||
| It made it more disturbing. | ||
| It made it more disturbing. | ||
| Well, he used to have to fire people for his family's business. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And I think he developed a hard shell when he had to learn how to do that. | ||
| No, he has an incredible book in him on how to do that and then also how to break up with women. | ||
| The way he did it, it was just like... | ||
| These are his stories, so you gotta have him on. | ||
| Have him tell the story of the way he would end a relationship. | ||
| I haven't seen Alan forever. | ||
| Yeah, no. | ||
| Is he doing comedy during this pandemic shit? | ||
| What is he doing? | ||
| I haven't seen anybody unless you were on the same parking lot show that I was on or whatever. | ||
| I've started the Magic Castle parking lot where they park everybody's cars. | ||
| That's a good one that I've been doing. | ||
| They're doing shows there? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Stand-up? | ||
| Dude, they're actually fun as shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| The first night I went there, I bombed. | ||
| It was my first five minutes because my idea... | ||
| Because this stand-up thing is you don't understand how you're just listening to the crowd and you lock in where they're at and then you start taking them where they're going, where you want them to go, right? | ||
| And you get on a roll and then that's when you can start killing. | ||
| They're in their cars. | ||
| So it was like, it felt like I was like deaf, trying to do stand-up and trying to gauge how they were laughing. | ||
| But the weirdest thing, though, is just after one night, you adjust to it. | ||
| And then your whole new idea of what killing sounds like You're able to block out the traffic and the police helicopters. | ||
| I'm not even joking, because it's right in downtown Hollywood. | ||
| And then it just becomes this crazy fun gig, and there's comics waiting to go on behind you. | ||
| It's really this amazing thing where I kind of feel like you're kind of going back to just the pure love of just going up there, trying shit out, making people laugh, supporting other comics. | ||
| People are adapting. | ||
| Yeah, it's been as crazy a year and so much bad stuff has happened to so many people. | ||
| That aspect of it has been fun and it kind of woke up all this muscle memory that I had as a comedian that I lost. | ||
| Because once you start selling tickets, you do get a little softer because you get the, oh, it's this guy. | ||
| We like this guy. | ||
| Where before, I had to go back to like, okay, I got to get these people. | ||
| I don't have to go on stage and now I have to avoid losing them. | ||
| Joey Diaz started to get some popularity. | ||
| And when Joey Diaz started to get some popularity, one of the things he started doing is going to the dirtiest, dingiest open mics that he could find. | ||
| Like, specifically. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I go, why do you like doing that? | ||
| He goes, Joe Rogan. | ||
| He goes, you can't forget your roots. | ||
|
unidentified
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You can't forget your roots, Joe Rogan! | |
| And he was serious about it. | ||
| I could hear him, I was on the phone with him, taking hits off the joint. | ||
| Joe Rogan, listen to me. | ||
| These motherfuckers don't know. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They don't know. | |
| They don't know what we went through. | ||
| They don't know the fucking trenches. | ||
| These fucking kids out here are soft. | ||
| He goes, they're talking to me. | ||
| Oh, I can't get up at the comedy store. | ||
| I can't get up at the comedy. | ||
| Bitch, I did 20 minutes in La Hombra. | ||
| I drove down to a fucking Chinese restaurant and I did an open mic night in front of 15 people and only 10 of them spoke English. | ||
| And he would just do these gigs. | ||
| He would do four a night. | ||
| Like, I go, what'd you do last night? | ||
|
unidentified
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He goes, I went down here, and then Felipe has a room. | |
| I went down and I did that. | ||
| And then I did that. | ||
| And he would do this on a regular basis. | ||
| And he did it specifically because he felt like he had to be in motion. | ||
| He goes, I gotta go back to my roots. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, I didn't do that. | ||
| I've done a few of those. | ||
| That's what I used to like about Ha Ha, the Ha Ha Cafe. | ||
| There was a point where I started to do those because the comedy store got so crazy. | ||
| It was such like, it was so like, just on 10. Yeah. | ||
| Then everybody was murdering everything. | ||
| Like, even during the, every night started feeling like Saturday night. | ||
| Like, I want to go out. | ||
| Lean on the mic stand, try out some shit, feel out a story or something like that. | ||
| And then I'm going on after, you know, these beasts on the show. | ||
| And it was like, oh man. | ||
| So I started doing the belly room. | ||
| And then there was a really cool one on Fairfax that I was doing in this back room of this, like, I want to say Russian bar or something like that. | ||
| Great. | ||
| It was fucking great. | ||
| And I went there and I felt that thing again where it was like, you know, I feel like if I go to the comedy store, somebody knows who I am. | ||
| If I go to that one, most of the people don't even know who I am. | ||
| Because you start to forget, like, just how much shit there is out there to watch. | ||
| And all you need is just, like, 1,200 people in each city to know who you are, and you could do, like, a theater. | ||
| But, you know, you can have a very niche-level thing. | ||
| Like, I try to explain that to somebody where they go, oh, you're selling this thing out so everybody knows who you are. | ||
| It's like, no. | ||
| It's like there's people selling out Madison Square Garden. | ||
| Bands you've never even fucking heard of, but there's 20,000 people that know who they are, you know what I mean? | ||
| So I'm sort of tapping into that, trying to go to these places where you could have that fun again of like, oh, you don't think I'm funny. | ||
| Oh, you guys don't know that I know how to do this shit. | ||
| And so then that also means you don't know how I joke around. | ||
| So now I can have this fun of... | ||
| Of like, you don't know what my style is, so it can still be like surprising as opposed to, oh, now he's going to do this, now he's going to flip out, and then I'm going to laugh and clap, and then he's going to say goodnight. | ||
| You know, you can kind of break out of that, which is... | ||
| It's fun. | ||
| The worst thing that can happen to a comic is you get real soft because everybody loves you and they go to see you and they laugh at anything you say. | ||
| That's one of the reasons why Steve Martin said he stopped touring. | ||
| Because Steve Martin, when I was a kid, Let's Get Small was out and he would come out with the bunny ears on and play the banjo. | ||
| Fuck, he was so good. | ||
| These kids today, these motherfucking kids today, they don't know that Steve Martin was a monster. | ||
| No, they don't know about that, but they know... | ||
| They're doing hell rooms. | ||
| Nobody just shows up at the comedy. | ||
|
unidentified
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Oh, no, no, no. | |
| That's not what I mean. | ||
| I mean, they don't know how good Steve Martin was. | ||
| Like, people forgot when Steve Martin was doing... | ||
| I don't know if he was doing arenas. | ||
|
unidentified
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No, he did. | |
| He did, like, Nassau Coliseum. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, okay. | |
| He got that big. | ||
| When he was doing his albums, like, they were so silly and so fun and so different. | ||
| He had his own unique style, you know? | ||
| And when he just felt like... | ||
| Anything he did, they laughed at. | ||
| And he lost track of whether or not it was good or not. | ||
| And he just stopped doing it. | ||
| And I remember thinking when I was first starting doing comedy, I can't imagine, A, that that could ever happen, or B, that you can't... | ||
| There's not a workaround, Steve? | ||
| You're the fucking man. | ||
| I think it really was he also had all these ideas for film and all the stuff that he did. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But, you know, it's kind of interesting, like, where he is... | ||
| What he used to say about it was such a serious time that he was coming out of the previous decade, all the assassinations, the Vietnam War, the gas crisis and all that. | ||
| And all these comics were talking about all this heavy shit and he was just super silly. | ||
| It was like a mental break. | ||
| Somebody came to us with a pilot idea for something, and it was over-the-top, like, absurd and silly, and, like, that was my reference. | ||
| I'm going, dude, this is like the Steve Martin bunny ear thing. | ||
| Everybody's, like, going with Trump and the virus, and it's like, this thing is just silly. | ||
| There's no Me Too cancel call. | ||
| There's nothing in here. | ||
| You can just sit down like that Dumb and Dumber type of thing, that type of stuff that I love. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, there he is. | |
| Look at him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look at him. | |
| I'm telling you, people today, it's hard to appreciate how big he was. | ||
| And I was a kid, right? | ||
| So when Steve Martin was huge, I mean, what year was this? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's late 70s. | |
| 84, but yeah, all this is probably before that too. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Was he still doing comedy in 84? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I found a video that said it was a stand-up performance from 84. That's probably right around the time when he stopped. | |
| I thought he stopped before that. | ||
| But when I was in high school was when Steve Martin was born standing up. | ||
| He's got a great book too. | ||
| That's the book, Born Standing Up. | ||
| You know what kills me is I loaned that to somebody. | ||
|
unidentified
|
There you go. | |
| Gave it up in 81. I never got it back. | ||
| 81. So he gave it up when I was a freshman in high school. | ||
| The book is great. | ||
| Red Band gave me the book for Christmas one year. | ||
| It's really good. | ||
| It's really interesting too because... | ||
| Like I said, I think when you talk about great comics of all these generations, for whatever reason, people just think of him as a great movie star. | ||
| They think The Jerk, which is an unbelievably funny movie, and all those amazing movies that he did. | ||
| That was a great movie. | ||
| He doesn't like these cans! | ||
|
unidentified
|
So stupid. | |
| He was so good. | ||
| He was so silly. | ||
| What was the Mafia movie he played? | ||
| What was that one? | ||
| The guy with the big hair? | ||
| Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| And he goes into the supermarket and he gets the price gun and everything's like 99 cents and he's kind of standing there as he's scanning all this filet mignons and everything. | ||
| What was that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
My Blue Heaven. | |
| My Blue Heaven, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, Rick Moranis. | ||
| That was a great fucking, that bit that you did on Saturday Night Live about Rick Moranis getting punched in the face. | ||
| I was fucking howling. | ||
| Do you know, I thought that, if anything, I thought, because everybody loves Rick, which I do too, of course. | ||
| I was just, you know, it was the perfect. | ||
| Just a joke. | ||
| Yeah, I thought that that was the one that was going to get people upset. | ||
| It's like, everybody loves Rick Moranis. | ||
| Who wants to see him get punched? | ||
| Well, he's a white man. | ||
| You can punch a white man today, and they have very little sympathy for it. | ||
| Yeah, I think it was because of the other shit that I did. | ||
| Well, it was a lot. | ||
| You know what's annoying is somebody was trying to say why that white woman joke worked really fucking annoyed me. | ||
| It's like, it worked because he called himself out for being a toxic white male too. | ||
| It's like, shut, it's not, that's not why it worked. | ||
| It worked because it's true. | ||
| And what I love about that bit, the second I'm going into it, people of color are already laughing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The part where I say toxic white male thing is to get the person who wrote that article to come along for the ride. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And they, they, yeah, yeah, you know why it worked. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| I don't know why it works. | ||
| I'm the guy who fucking wrote it and I'm watching it. | ||
| Watching it work. | ||
| But why don't you explain to me... | ||
| The fucking arrogance of that is what... | ||
| I mean... | ||
| I listen to all this music. | ||
| I would never sit... | ||
| You know why that song works? | ||
| But don't you think that it's also... | ||
| Because he uses his fucking chord to something. | ||
| But it's a popular culture moment, and it's an opportunity to do commentary to make an article that you know is going to get a lot of clicks. | ||
| It's a scam. | ||
| Yeah, maybe I'm taking the bait. | ||
| I don't know what it is, but it's just like, I don't mind, I like this, I don't like this, but don't fucking sit there and start, you know, I'm going to tell a mechanic why the car he just fixed is fucking working, not knowing how to fix a car. | ||
| A lot of what's going on today with commentary is disingenuous in that it's not necessarily what they really think, but it's what they think will get a reaction from the people that align with their ideology. | ||
| I found the solution to it. | ||
| What is it? | ||
| The solution. | ||
| I just... | ||
| I don't pay attention, even though I did read that. | ||
| That's why I don't. | ||
| I waited a month before I read anything, and the first thing I read... | ||
| My wife just hears me upstairs. | ||
| Oh, what the? | ||
| You don't mind a fucking thing. | ||
| She goes, stop reading that stuff. | ||
| I'm like, you're right. | ||
| You're right. | ||
| I just, I exist now, but I live in a different time. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Including, like, movies, cars, everything that I look at. | ||
| Like, I'm just right now, I'm on a... | ||
| I'm watching just car movies from the 1970s. | ||
| And I'm having... | ||
| Oh, dude, I gotta get this clip for you. | ||
| One of the great... | ||
| What's that fucking point blank? | ||
| What's that movie with the Challenger? | ||
| That famous movie with the 1970s? | ||
| Vanishing Point. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Vanishing Point. | |
| I almost said Point of Entry, which is a Judas Priest album. | ||
| I watched... | ||
| I got a clip for you guys. | ||
| I don't know if I can... | ||
| If you guys can find this... | ||
| Send it to Jamie. | ||
| Oh, I can send it to you? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Alright, this is like... | ||
| As far as bad 70s lines that an actor had to deliver, one of my favorites of all time was that movie Over the Edge with the young Matt Dillon. | ||
| It's a fucking amazing movie. | ||
| It's about these kids that... | ||
| Back when white families were moving out of the crime-infested cities and they were starting these... | ||
| Whatever. | ||
| These suburban things. | ||
| But all the kids were doing drugs and all that shit. | ||
| It's basically about stuff like that. | ||
| So the kids end up being these crazy white kids, and they take over the school. | ||
| And at one point, they lock all the parents, because they had this big meeting about the kids, and the kids snuck in, and they locked them all in the little auditorium. | ||
| And as they're vandalizing the school, one of the cops is trying to get out, and this chick runs by with a giant globe, and she sees the cop, and she stops, and she just goes, Eat it, you stinking pig! | ||
| It's just like... | ||
| It's like, who the fuck writes shit like that? | ||
| So, I was watching a movie called The Car, which is sort of Carrie. | ||
| It's the same deal? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'll send it to you. | ||
| Here it is. | ||
| Oh, there it is. | ||
| Oh, God. | ||
| You gotta have... | ||
| Give me some volume. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You gotta get this. | |
| You need some volume in that. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You stinkin' pig. | |
| Ha ha ha! | ||
| I just sit there and rewind that and just laugh my ass off. | ||
| I can't find... | ||
| Dude, I'm the worst with this shit. | ||
| No, because it's such a specific... | ||
| There's so many good car movies. | ||
| I mean, Bullet with Steve McQueen. | ||
| That's the ultimate car movie. | ||
| Yeah, those are like the good ones. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Those are the good ones, but I just watched Burt Reynolds' White Lightning, who Ned Beatty is fucking amazing in that one. | ||
| What is White Lightning? | ||
| White Lightning. | ||
| Is that Moonshine? | ||
| Moonshine, yeah. | ||
| So it's about a guy. | ||
| It's about a corrupt cop. | ||
| Burt Reynolds is in jail. | ||
| There he is. | ||
| Look at him. | ||
| Burt fucking Reynolds. | ||
| Yeah, he lies that he's going to try to help get the moonshiners, but he really wants to go out and get revenge on the cop that did something bad to one of his family members. | ||
| Played by Ned Beatty. | ||
| It takes place in Arkansas. | ||
| He's got a four-door... | ||
| What has he got? | ||
| Ford Torino? | ||
| No, Ford Galaxy 500. Look at that picture! | ||
| For some reason, my goddamn photos aren't... | ||
| Loading. | ||
| This is a sad episode of Fast and Loose. | ||
| Or Fast and Loud, rather. | ||
| Richard Rawlings. | ||
| Uh-huh. | ||
| Where they go to Burt Reynolds to get him to sign a Trans Am. | ||
| Oh, I saw that. | ||
| And he could barely walk. | ||
| He's like... | ||
| Well, because he played football at Florida State, and then he also did all of his own stunts. | ||
| And then, you know, people didn't know how to repair knees and shit like that. | ||
| No, no. | ||
| Oh, God. | ||
| Here it is. | ||
| There he is. | ||
| Okay, how do I send this? | ||
| You can do an airdrop. | ||
| Just... | ||
| I don't know how to do that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
All right. | |
| Yeah, there's Burt Reynolds right there. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| No, it's just... | ||
| It's just a classic Burt Reynolds movie, and he worked a lot with, like, Ned Beatty, who's just one of the great character actors of all time. | ||
| So I've just been, like, either watching shows like that, or, like, you know, the Friends of Eddie Coyle, watching, like, really good movies from then, and then just watching, like, crazy shit. | ||
| I just watch that, and I have a good time. | ||
| Rather than going on, like, social media and shit like that, I've been, you know, watching all these French movies and shit, and just, like... | ||
| No, it's bad for you. | ||
| Alright, here you go. | ||
| This is this woman yelling at this car. | ||
| It's another great clip from the 1970s. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| A tadpole? | ||
| No, cat poo. | ||
| Cat poo? | ||
| That's what she's saying? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You cat poo? | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| I don't know why that made the movie. | ||
| Why is that so funny for you? | ||
| Because it's so bad. | ||
| The acting in this movie is so fucking bad. | ||
| In the beginning, the car runs over two people on 10-speed bikes. | ||
| And the acting in just that in the beginning... | ||
| So that's a bad car? | ||
| That's an evil car? | ||
| Yeah, there's like nobody in it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's a 71 Lincoln Mach 3, 4, 5. | |
| I don't know what it is. | ||
| And it's just... | ||
| And the funny thing is, is it's terrorizing this little-ass town. | ||
| And it's killing... | ||
| I lost track of how many cops die in this little town. | ||
| And they never ask for help at the state level. | ||
| They never call in the army. | ||
| They figure out nobody's driving this fucking car. | ||
| And nobody tries to go... | ||
| You know, I think this problem's a little bigger than our little town here. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So Did you ever see Jeepers Creepers? | |
| No, but that has that great truck in it. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| The cab over engine, right? | ||
| It's like a demon driving a truck. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Jeepers Creepers is an underrated, fun, horror movie. | ||
| But there's a lot of those movies where there's- Why are you laughing? | ||
|
unidentified
|
You said that last time. | |
| It's not good. | ||
| I said what last time? | ||
|
unidentified
|
This movie was good. | |
| It's underrated. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| What the fuck, Jamie? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, there's a lot of these- I enjoy it. | ||
| Can I enjoy something that you don't enjoy? | ||
| Is that okay? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, so I've kind of been doing like- Fair. | |
| So White Lightning led to the next movie. | ||
| Reynolds played a character called Gator. | ||
| Oh, I remember that. | ||
| And then the next movie is called Gator. | ||
| But you just watch it. | ||
| The way that women are treated... | ||
| Oh, it's awful. | ||
| Dude, it's fucking... | ||
| We were talking about close... | ||
| Not close encounters. | ||
| Poltergeist. | ||
| We watched Poltergeist with the family. | ||
| And there's a scene in Poltergeist where these construction workers... | ||
| Are sexually harassing this guy's 16-year-old daughter, and the wife is laughing. | ||
| She's looking through the window as the construction workers on her property are going, Hey, I love you! | ||
| And they're looking at her through a cone and shit, and she goes like this, Fuck off to them! | ||
| And the mom is like, Ha ha! | ||
| Yeah, because she raised her right, because she knew that she could handle... | ||
| Yeah, but if you were... | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's nuts. | |
| If that was today, in a film, you'd be like, what the fuck kind of monsters are they? | ||
| And what's wrong with that mom? | ||
| That mom is an enabler. | ||
| That girl's going to grow up to be fucked up. | ||
| Yeah, you know, we continue to grow as people. | ||
| Yes, but it's not that long ago. | ||
| That's what's crazy. | ||
| Hey, pull up Sheeper's Creeper. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Show me a clip. | |
| It's great. | ||
| Hey, Poltergeist was almost 40 years ago. | ||
| It was a long time ago. | ||
| Yeah, I guess so. | ||
| But it's amazing how much things change in 40 years. | ||
| Well, just put yourself in 1981. And that's like looking back to 1941. See, these guys are driving. | ||
| Hey! | ||
| That's Justin Long! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Get the fuck out of here! | |
| That's the dude from the Mac commercial. | ||
| Yeah, he's the Mac. | ||
| Remember the other guy's the PC? That's him. | ||
| Look at this fucking evil truck with blacked out windows. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Get away from me! | |
| He's the voice of Kevin on F is for Family. | ||
| Oh, is he? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Oh, that's hilarious! | ||
| Dude, he's one of the best mimics I've ever- He can imitate anybody. | ||
| He's fucking hilarious. | ||
| He's hilarious. | ||
| This is it. | ||
| This is like them doing their open mics. | ||
| They get in these early films. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| These slasher things. | ||
| 2001. 19 years ago. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| Good film, Jamie. | ||
| It's a good film. | ||
| Well made. | ||
| Scary. | ||
| There's some movies that I liked when I was a kid that I watch now and I was like, oh my god, what was wrong with me? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But you didn't know. | ||
| You didn't know. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You thought things were good. | ||
| There's a lot of those. | ||
| But that's a good way, I've found, just mentally to get out of the Eddie. | ||
| Because as a comedian, you have to be on social media, I guess. | ||
| I mean, I don't know a way not to be. | ||
| And it's just like impossible... | ||
| Like, I am so fucking ridiculously addicted to my phone. | ||
| Like, the amount of times that I set it down, going like, enough with that shit. | ||
| And then I'll just sit there, and then five seconds later, I'm just picking it up. | ||
| And like, you know what it is? | ||
| Is it's also like, I watch, even when I'm watching TV, I'll be like, oh, look at this old movie. | ||
| I wonder if that guy's still alive. | ||
| Right, and then you start Googling. | ||
| And I start looking, oh, he died. | ||
| What did he die of? | ||
| You know, 82. You know, it's not bad, you know? | ||
| Let's see if someone's talking shit about me. | ||
| Yeah, well, let's, no, it's, I don't do that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I go, let's see what these, I don't know. | |
| Social media is bad. | ||
| I mean, it's good and it's bad, right? | ||
| But the bad part is you can get lost in other people's opinions and want to defend yourself. | ||
| And then, you know, people misrepresent what you said or distort what you said or take it out of context. | ||
| And then you're like, hey! | ||
| And then you think, well, how many people are reading that and thinking the wrong thing about me? | ||
| No, I never respond to it. | ||
| I don't either. | ||
| I just flip out. | ||
| I do what I call post and ghost. | ||
| When I make a post, I make a post, and then I put my phone away, and I walk out of the room. | ||
| I leave my phone in other rooms. | ||
| I thought you were going to say, you write what you want to say, and then you delete it. | ||
| And I'd be like, I'd be too nervous you accidentally hit send. | ||
| I make a post, and then I go away. | ||
| I don't look at what people are saying about the post. | ||
| I just get the fuck out of there. | ||
| It never is a good use of time. | ||
| There's so many things that I like to do, and that's one thing that saves me, is that I have so many obsessions. | ||
| There's so many things I like to do, but the phone will get me. | ||
| You know what will get me? | ||
| Fucking YouTube. | ||
| Watching nothing. | ||
| It'll be an hour. | ||
| I'll watch a video on how they make watches. | ||
| And then I'll watch three or four pool matches. | ||
| And then I'll watch, oh, 1970 Chevelle. | ||
| Oh, how'd they make that? | ||
| You know what I hate, though, about all of those? | ||
| Once you click on one thing, then they just give you 40 of the same thing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's almost like they don't want you to progress. | ||
| It's like, I think I told this story last time I was on here. | ||
| On Netflix, I watched all of Narcos. | ||
| And then everything became behind the scenes of San Quentin and blah, blah, blah. | ||
| So I've been trying to watch these French movies, right? | ||
| But for some reason, because I think I'm here, they keep giving me the English-speaking ones. | ||
| It's like, that's not what I'm trying to do here. | ||
| I'm trying to watch their shit. | ||
| Like, how do I get out of this? | ||
| They kind of keep dragging you back down to... | ||
| Well, they find what you're... | ||
| I mean, the algorithm's pretty simple. | ||
| I mean, it's not simple. | ||
| It's complicated. | ||
| But it's a simple formula in terms of, like, how it applies. | ||
| Whatever you're interested in, it's going to show you. | ||
| Whatever you're going to spend the most time looking at, it's going to show you. | ||
| Whether it's things you hate, like YouTube or Facebook, that accentuates things that give you the... | ||
| It turns out it's really just what you're responding to and spending time on. | ||
| Like, Ari did an experiment. | ||
| Ari's experiment was he only looked up puppies on YouTube. | ||
| That's it, just puppies. | ||
| And then all YouTube was showing him was puppies. | ||
| And he was trying to tell people, look, this isn't insidious. | ||
| It's not like the man's trying to keep you angry. | ||
| It's like you're keeping yourself angry. | ||
| If you just go and look at puppies all day, that's all it's going to show you. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I feel like if I look at one puppy video, then they give me a bunch more. | ||
| And it's just like, okay, maybe I've moved past puppies at this point. | ||
| Yeah, but that's up to you. | ||
| You yourself. | ||
| You have to search for things that aren't puppy-related. | ||
| I know. | ||
| But it's just easier just to click on what they're giving me. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Of course! | |
| Oh, more puppy videos. | ||
| This is my safe space. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Dude, I saw two really good French movies. | ||
| I saw one called Lost Bullet and then I saw one called Blood and Earth. | ||
| I heard of Lost Bullet. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| Lost Bullet is... | ||
| I'd say it's sort of a Jason Statham style movie, like action movie. | ||
| A lot of cars, a lot of people getting shot, you know? | ||
| Nice. | ||
| Dumb shit that I watch, but it's done really well. | ||
| It's done shot really well. | ||
| There's a really great shot in it where a dude kills somebody Because the boss told him to, and he didn't feel good about it. | ||
| And how they got his reaction, he bludges him to death with the butt of this rifle, and the shot that they used was the reflection of the guy's face in the pool of blood of the guy he killed. | ||
| Yeah, I was just like, oh man, that's the fucking... | ||
| That right there was worth watching this whole movie just to see that shot. | ||
| Yeah, it was really cool. | ||
| Yeah, getting involved in films or anything that's outside of the shit that you're getting twisted up in your head is always good for you because it just makes you realize there's people out there doing a lot of things. | ||
| They're making cool things. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Can you get lost on social media or lost in arguing with things you don't like? | ||
| Yeah, I feel like I'm in the Truman Show here. | ||
| So I'm just getting the American version of movies, I'm getting the American version of news, and everybody's yelling at each other, and it's just like I'm trying to poke a hole in the tent to try to just get something else coming in, because I can't... | ||
| Yeah, it's just, you know. | ||
| There's a great Russian horror movie called Sputnik. | ||
| And it's a film that's all in subtitles. | ||
| But it's basically like their version of the movie Alien. | ||
| It's fucking good. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Yeah, it's good. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| I tried to watch it with my kid and she was like, I'm not reading while I watch a movie. | ||
| I'm like, damn, that is my kid. | ||
| I watch them in French with French subtitles. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I just watch the whole thing, try to figure out what they're talking about. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, this is Sputnik. | ||
| It's fucking good, man. | ||
| It's a Russian film, which I'm not really aware of too many Russian films, but it's very good. | ||
| And the scenes, like the horror scenes, are fucking spectacular, man. | ||
| Yeah, I think this is what I'm going to be watching from now. | ||
| I signed up on a couple of different sites and shit. | ||
| YouTube's really cool. | ||
| You can rent movies for like four or five bucks. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And they'll have, like, really obscure shit. | ||
| If it's not on, like, Netflix, I'm like, alright. | ||
| Like, White Lightning, I figured where I had to go. | ||
| I signed up for something, and I got a free, like, 30-day month thing. | ||
| So it's like, I'm gonna burn through some of these older Burt Reynolds movies, you know? | ||
| Well, you know what you can do for foreign films? | ||
| Get ExpressVPN, and any kind of VPN, virtual private network, will allow you to say you're in another country. | ||
| Dude, they advertise my podcast. | ||
| We do, like, the podcast part of my stuff. | ||
| Like, I should do that with my personal stuff. | ||
| Yeah, you should. | ||
| It's great. | ||
| Oh, dude, I got one for you. | ||
| Just say you're in France, and it'll show you all these French movies that maybe you would never have access to on Netflix. | ||
| And maybe, you know, if you watch one, it'll recommend some other ones that are similar to it in the algorithm. | ||
| Dude, I got one for you. | ||
| I fucking forget the name of it, though. | ||
| It's on the Criterion channel, and it's this black and white... | ||
| I took a picture of it. | ||
| It's on my phone. | ||
| I can't remember shit, so I just take pictures of shit. | ||
| It was... | ||
| Basically, it's a guy doing a stand-up set, and he's having a bad set. | ||
| It's in black and white, and it's animated. | ||
| And it's fucking wild. | ||
| It's really like... | ||
| I never took mushrooms, but it felt like, wow, this must be when you're starting to trip, what it starts to feel like. | ||
| And they were doing this thing like... | ||
| As he was starting to, like, lose some people in the crowd, like, their faces would just go dark. | ||
| So I was thinking, like, he's turned them up. | ||
| Does that mean, like, he shut off, like, they're not into him anymore? | ||
| There's a lot of fucking layers. | ||
| It was really, it's oddly disturbing. | ||
| What's it called? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Jamie will find it. | ||
| Keep doing this shit. | ||
| Jamie will find it. | ||
| No, I took a picture of it, so. | ||
| He'll find it while he's switching cameras. | ||
| Okay. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I was close. | |
| It said there's something called the Stand Up Guys. | ||
| Yes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's not coming up, but I'm trying to find it. | |
| Stand-up guy. | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Google shows it, but when I click that, it says nothing found on that criteria. | ||
| Yeah, because they had the Dustin Hoffman movie when he played Lenny Bruce. | ||
| Right there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's it. | |
| Wow. | ||
| The stand-up guy. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| That's another one. | ||
| I was in that movie right there. | ||
| Stand-up guys. | ||
| I got a funny story about it. | ||
| No shit. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| I never heard of that movie. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Fisher Stevens directed it. | ||
| What is that movie about? | ||
| It's got some up-and-coming actors in it, like Alan Arkin, Al Pacino, Christopher Walken. | ||
| How long ago was this? | ||
| Oh, dude, I got a funny story about that. | ||
| It was like, I don't know, I can't remember, but like a couple years ago, my dad called me up. | ||
| He's like, yeah, he goes, you know, I said hello. | ||
| He goes, yeah, hey, Bill, it's your dad. | ||
| I'm like, yeah, what's going on? | ||
| He goes, Chris, I gotta tell you, you know, the other night, you know, I fell asleep on the couch. | ||
| And I know you told me to stop doing that because, you know, I've hurt my back. | ||
| But, you know, it's my house. | ||
| So I fell asleep on the couch. | ||
| That is you! | ||
|
unidentified
|
He goes, you know, the TV was on. | |
| I wake up and I see Al Pacino. | ||
| I'm like, I've never seen this movie. | ||
| And I'm sitting there and I'm watching it. | ||
| I'm like... | ||
| Jesus Christ, there's Bill. | ||
| He goes, so I wake up your mother. | ||
| I'm like, Christ, look at Bill. | ||
| He's in a movie with Al Pacino. | ||
| And he goes, when did you shoot that? | ||
| I go, Dad, it was like eight years ago. | ||
| Which is, it just shows you like how much shit is out there. | ||
| That if you're in a movie with Al Pacino, even your parents don't see it until like fucking eight years later. | ||
| So he's like, yeah. | ||
| Well, we've talked about this in the podcast. | ||
| It's a really good movie. | ||
| They don't stop making movies. | ||
| So all the old movies are still available and they make new ones every day. | ||
| They're making movies right now and they pile up. | ||
| Like the amount of data that's out there in terms of like things that you could watch, just the sheer volume, terabytes of movies that are available... | ||
| It never stops. | ||
| It just keeps piling up, and it doesn't just come from America. | ||
| It's coming from all over the world. | ||
| Yeah, and they have hacks over there, too. | ||
| Because I saw one, they were doing one of those switcheroo movies. | ||
| Like, you're like, I could be a woman. | ||
| That's fucking easy. | ||
| And then the next day, what's going on, right? | ||
| Freaky Friday, that kind of shit? | ||
| One of those shit. | ||
| Yeah, it was a French one, and it was really fucking bizarre. | ||
| I saw the trailer. | ||
| I'm like, I'm not fucking watching this shit. | ||
| They went a little further... | ||
| It was sort of like a misogynistic dude and then he was a chick but still looked like a dude and then he was hooking up with chicks and they were on top of him grabbing his throat and shit. | ||
| I'm like, what the fuck? | ||
| I ain't watching this. | ||
| But then I was also thinking like, oh, they use this same sort of like switcheroo movie over here too. | ||
| Well, that's a classic, right? | ||
| They've been doing those switcheroo movies. | ||
| When was the first one of those switcheroo movies? | ||
| It was like Jamie Lee Curtis and her daughter, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Was that the first one? | ||
| There's a really good one. | ||
| No, Jamie? | ||
| There's one that's out right now that looks really funny, though. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Yeah, Vince Vaughn's in one right now. | ||
| Vince Vaughn did one. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Where he switches with like a serial killer. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| I thought he switched with his daughter. | ||
| Yeah, but there's some serial killer thing involved in it. | ||
| I've been like on the road, so. | ||
| That's a new one? | ||
| Yeah, I gotta watch that one. | ||
| I heard it's fucking great. | ||
|
unidentified
|
This one from the 70s. | |
| Okay, that was the first one. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Freaky Friday. | |
| Yeah, Freaky Friday. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But from the 70s, not with Jamie Lee. | |
| Oh, who is the original one? | ||
| Who's in that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jodie Foster. | |
| Jodie Foster! | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Wow! | ||
| No, that's the original Freaky Friday? | ||
| So the Jamie Lee Curtis was a copy of that? | ||
| Dude, that post, that just takes me back to my childhood. | ||
| God, that's crazy. | ||
| Oh, there's three of them. | ||
| And they just remake it every ten years. | ||
| So these kids forget. | ||
| You know what else they remake a lot? | ||
| The Thing. | ||
| They've remade The Thing at least three times. | ||
| The thing was the shit. | ||
| The first one that came out on Cinemax or HBO. The first one's terrible. | ||
| And then there's the John Carpenter thing, which was really good. | ||
| That was a remake of the first one. | ||
| The first one was a 1950s one that looks like it was shot in an office. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Looks like somebody had an old school VHS camera and they shot it in an office with people that don't really act. | ||
| I mean, it's terrible. | ||
| See if you can find a clip from it. | ||
| You want to talk about evolution of culture. | ||
| The best way to see it is to watch old films. | ||
| Just the way they used to act back then. | ||
| It didn't make any sense. | ||
| The way they talked! | ||
| Because they were theater people. | ||
| They were used to projecting with just their voice to a whole room full of people. | ||
| And then they convert... | ||
| No, this is John Carpenter's. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| This is the second one. | ||
| That's the 92 one. | ||
| 82? | ||
| Excuse me. | ||
| 82 one. | ||
| Yeah, I was in high school. | ||
| That was great, though. | ||
| But there was one before that. | ||
| It was from the 1950s. | ||
| And that one is very strange. | ||
| And you don't really get a good look at the monster. | ||
| They did a good job back then of kind of hiding how crappy their special effects were. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The Thing From Another World. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| So the John Carpenter version, they just shortened it. | ||
| But this is... | ||
| Give me some volume. | ||
| You hear how they talk. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Those hands and those eyes! | |
| You've got to do something about it, you gut! | ||
| Human or inhuman. | ||
| Earthly or unearthly. | ||
| Baffling questions. | ||
| Astounding questions. | ||
| That not even the world's greatest scientific minds can answer. | ||
| Do you realize what we've found? | ||
| A being from another world as different from us as one pole from the other. | ||
| If we can only communicate with you. | ||
| How did this guy make it past the table reef? | ||
| They had nobody. | ||
| They just find people. | ||
| I just love how back then, anytime you got a little hysterical, it's just somebody would throw something at you, they'd slap you. | ||
| For Christ's sake, get a hold of yourself. | ||
| There was like no... | ||
| Smelling salt. | ||
| Understanding. | ||
| If you were upset, somebody hit you. | ||
| To make you feel better. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| Like you were supposed to like, yeah, snap out of me. | ||
| Hey, you got a little crazy there. | ||
| Like that guy is literally talking about this fucking thing that's going to kill all of them. | ||
| This guy takes... | ||
| Another man takes a full cup of water and throws it in his face. | ||
| And nobody goes like, whoa, whoa, whoa. | ||
| Like there's going to be a fight. | ||
| It's like, yes, that's exactly what you do in this situation. | ||
| And the guy who takes it in the face is just like, yeah, thank you. | ||
| I was being a woman. | ||
| Yeah, he's drying off his shirt. | ||
| Just being like, sorry, I got a little... | ||
| It's pretty ridiculous. | ||
| Sorry for expressing what I was feeling. | ||
| Well, back then, people were hard. | ||
| They had just gotten through the Great Depression. | ||
| I mean, that was just a couple of years before that. | ||
| Yeah, I remember that Ken Burns, the war, they used to say, guys who would come home with that PTSD would come back and they would say, like, he couldn't shake off the war. | ||
| That's all those kids had back then was shake it off. | ||
| You got to shake it off, man. | ||
| Don't think about it. | ||
| Shake it off. | ||
| Well, you remember it was shell-shocked when we were kids? | ||
| Vietnam, they'd come back shell-shocked. | ||
| They would call it shell-shocked. | ||
| But you've got to think, these people get through the Great Depression, that's the beginning of the 20th century, and then they grow up, you know, so these guys that are acting in the 1950s, in those films, like during the 1920s, you know, they were kids. | ||
| So this is the environment they came up in. | ||
| Harsh. | ||
| No one tolerated any bullshit. | ||
| Yeah, and I also think that's why those guys from back in the day, those actors were so, like, legit and seemed tough. | ||
| And they weren't, like, all buff the way guys are nowadays and all fucking, you know, shredded with abs. | ||
| But, like, Lee Marvin, like, fought in the Korean War and was shot, and, like, most of his platoon died. | ||
| Something like that. | ||
| So, like, when he's in a movie... | ||
| Like killing somebody, like he's done this shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So I think that there's just something about that versus today where, you know, I don't know. | ||
| I just had a fucked up thought. | ||
| It's dramatizing. | ||
| Well, that's why Oliver Stone, what was your fucked up thought? | ||
| That because we've been in these wars so long that we have another generation of great actors coming our way. | ||
| Our generation was too soft. | ||
| We were between Vietnam and all this crap in the Middle East. | ||
| Well, this is the... | ||
| For these guys coming up... | ||
| I'm punching my card. | ||
| That was us. | ||
| The thing about these kids coming up today, they've been involved in wars where we didn't learn from not taking care of the troops. | ||
| We didn't learn from exposing them to bad chemicals in Vietnam and Agent Orange and all the shit. | ||
| We didn't learn. | ||
| These kids are still... | ||
| You know about these burn pits that they have on bases over in Iraq and Afghanistan? | ||
| They take all their waste and they just burn it. | ||
| I didn't know about this. | ||
| I mean, I maybe had peripherally heard about it, but then Evan Hafer from Black Rifle Coffee was on the podcast talking about all these guys that are experiencing all these horrific problems because you've been breathing in toxic burn fumes. | ||
| Everything. | ||
| They burn everything. | ||
| Human shit, plastic, garbage. | ||
| They throw it all into this gigantic fire pit and it burns 24-7. | ||
| So these guys are constantly breathing in fumes from burning chemicals and burning waste. | ||
| The fact that after all the shit that happened with Agent Orange and Vietnam, that this is still going on today? | ||
| All the shit that happened in the Gulf War, the first Gulf War, with the depleted uranium where they'd come back with Gulf War sickness and nobody knew what the fuck that was and their kids would be born with all these I like all these tent cities. | ||
| They sit there and they go, support the troops, support the troops. | ||
| And then when they get homeless, they're like, they're taking up these people. | ||
| These are our sidewalks. | ||
| And I was fucking around with joking about that last night. | ||
| It's like, those are your fellow countrymen. | ||
| You can't... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It's a very... | ||
| It's a weird... | ||
| It isn't weird. | ||
| It's just how people are. | ||
| It's all location. | ||
| It's like real estate, right? | ||
| My friend Steve was in the woods. | ||
| Steve Rinella, he runs the show Meat Eater on Netflix. | ||
| What's that about? | ||
| It's a hunting show. | ||
| He's a conservationist. | ||
| That's pretty right on the nose. | ||
| But they had this thing they were doing where they were going into the woods, into these public land areas and cleaning up. | ||
| So they'd go in and just, because a lot of people are assholes, they leave behind water bottles and all kinds of shit. | ||
| They camp, they leave their garbage. | ||
| So they went in and they were just going in and cleaning up and they stumbled upon a homeless encampment. | ||
| And he remembers thinking that he didn't want to talk to them. | ||
| He felt like, shit, fuck, I'm running to these people. | ||
| And he said he wound up talking to them and just giving it a chance. | ||
| And they were like, oh yeah, hey, give us a bag, we'll help out. | ||
| And they started putting stuff in the bag too, and they were like normal folks. | ||
| And he realized, oh... | ||
| These are just people where it went wrong. | ||
| It went left when they should have gone right. | ||
| They lost their job. | ||
| All of a sudden, they're out in the street. | ||
| They don't know how to make a living now. | ||
| They have a tent. | ||
| Some of them are extremely dangerous. | ||
| So that's what makes you go like, I don't fucking know here. | ||
| So it's hard. | ||
| You never know. | ||
| I knew a guy that just kind of did that. | ||
| Just got tired of people is what he did. | ||
| He just fucking... | ||
| I think he did it in, like, Maine, too. | ||
| It was, like, hardcore. | ||
| There was a guy that was famous for doing it in Maine. | ||
| He was a legend. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Because they didn't know if he was real or not. | ||
| Because he'd break into people's houses and steal shit, and he'd live by himself for more than a decade in the woods in Maine. | ||
| I think it was longer than that, yeah. | ||
| I remember that. | ||
| You remember that story? | ||
| He finally got caught. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He finally got caught and he said like in like the 20 years he was out there. | ||
| No, because he was like in his 40s. | ||
| He was right after high school. | ||
| And I think one time he was walking on a trail and he just went past somebody. | ||
| 27 years. | ||
| Never got sick. | ||
| So in 1986, 20 year old Christopher Knight left his home in Massachusetts, drove to Maine and disappeared into the woods. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jesus Christ. | |
| Imagine if that's your kid. | ||
| Like what the fuck, man? | ||
| What happened here? | ||
| Ad blocker? | ||
| Oh, they're gonna make you subscribe, you fucks. | ||
| Fucking National Geographic. | ||
| Can't you come up with a better ad model, you twats? | ||
| But yeah, that's a hard way to live. | ||
| In the woods, in Maine, in a tent. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh yeah. | |
| No, these people were getting mad. | ||
| Like this person figured out how to get electricity into his tent off of the telephone pole. | ||
| It's like, that's a smart dude. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Get this guy a job. | ||
| And they're all like, they're acting like they're lazy. | ||
| I mean, there's lazy people out there, but you draw the line at like, okay, if I don't do this, I gotta live outside. | ||
| To look at them like they're just bums. | ||
| Well, people look at people that are doing the wrong thing like you're an outcast. | ||
| And I felt this when I was a kid in the smallest way, but I kind of understand in a way. | ||
| When I was 18, when I graduated high school... | ||
| I didn't do anything for a year because I was competing and I was like I'm just gonna dedicate myself to competing and see if I could make the Olympic team by the time I was 21 that was my goal and I also really had no idea what I wanted to study in school and the only reason why I wind up going to school at all because I didn't want people to think I was a loser so I went to college but I remember I would tell people like they're like wait where did you go to school where you going to school after I graduated college I'm like I'm taking the year off they look at you like They didn't want to hang out with me anymore. | ||
| Like, literally, they wanted to not talk to me. | ||
| Like, I could sense it. | ||
| Well, you should have hung out with me and my friends. | ||
| We would have welcomed you. | ||
| Oh, my friends did! | ||
| I went to, like, junior colleges and shit like that. | ||
| The friends I had were the same way. | ||
| None of them even bothered going to school. | ||
| They all went into construction. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Friends from high school. | ||
| Both my friends, Jimmy Dottilio and Jimmy Lawless. | ||
| One became an electrician and one became a carpenter. | ||
| Those were my good friends in high school outside of my fighting friends. | ||
| But it was that feeling that you got of just being an outcast, and that was a minor outcast. | ||
| I remember I was delivering newspapers for this lady, and she was asking me where I'm going to school. | ||
| And I said, well, you know, I'm trying to figure it out. | ||
| The feeling that she gave me of just like... | ||
| Yeah, follow the herd. | ||
| She just shucked me off. | ||
| She was friendly, and then all of a sudden she wasn't. | ||
| Just based on me saying that I didn't know what I was doing with myself. | ||
| Yeah, just talking about college. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's definitely how it was back then. | |
| Massachusetts is a different spot, too, because it's so goddamn cold in the winter. | ||
| You can't fuck about. | ||
| You gotta get going. | ||
| You can't be that guy who lays around all day. | ||
| You'll freeze to death. | ||
| You have to eat. | ||
| You have to survive. | ||
| You have to struggle. | ||
| It always cracked me up, though, the level of colleges that were there versus what me and my friends were like. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| We were just the biggest idiots. | ||
| There was that whole weird thing with Boston where it's these meathead sports fans like me, and then there's Harvard and MIT and BU. You get all these smart people coming in from other... | ||
| It's like New York. | ||
| New York talks about all this great shit that they have and it's just like you have so many free agents from other states coming in there that end up doing great shit and designing the stuff but most of you guys are like me you're walking around sweatpants getting a slice of fucking pizza you have nothing to do with this architecture so I always thought that that was uh you know I've actually I don't know this weird thing is I really really miss being back in uh Massachusetts. | ||
| Massachusetts. | ||
| And I would say what it was, because I don't know now. | ||
| Now I'm just fucking old. | ||
| So, just been, like, thinking a lot of... | ||
| I just think during this whole, like, pandemic, I've just had the time to finally have to, like... | ||
| You know, the second you decided you're going to be a comic, it's just like you just jumped in this river. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And it just takes you and... | ||
| All of a sudden this happens, and it's like you can't do stand-up for a long time, and after you're done cleaning up your house and doing shit like that, you kind of got to sit down and be like, alright, so what did I do over these last few years, and how the fuck did I end up out here in this place that's going to, I guess, burn for months now? | ||
| It's burning again! | ||
| It's on fire again. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, you know, that happens out here, too, buddy. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Not that much right here in Austin. | ||
| They had, like, a biblical-level drought out here for, like, two, three years. | ||
| Oh, I remember that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Lake Travis shriveled up so bad, you could see, like, people's dock. | ||
| Like, oh, get a lakefront house. | ||
| They get a lakefront house. | ||
| Dead bookers and shit. | ||
| And then it was hundreds of yards of just... | ||
| Ground before the water started. | ||
| I know. | ||
| It's kind of funny how people think that they're, like, because of those imaginary lines of states, that that's not, like, this disease that's going to fucking work its way across. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I want to talk about that shit. | ||
| It's too dark. | ||
| That's why I'm watching old Burt Reynolds movies. | ||
| But you're right about this giving you a chance to think about things. | ||
| Because you can get caught up in the momentum of your life. | ||
| A lot of people do when they get corporate jobs, too. | ||
| They get these jobs, and I've talked to people, actually, that are sort of rethinking their own career, not show business people, because of this. | ||
| Because they've been working from home. | ||
| And then they've been thinking about what they're doing. | ||
| Like, this office life is super unhealthy. | ||
| And they're like, you know, I could have been working from home all along and I'm actually more productive this way. | ||
| And then they start thinking about, you know, I could be working for myself. | ||
| Like, why don't I start a consulting business or start this or start my own business? | ||
| There's a lot of people that are... | ||
| It is amazing how the whole deal is set up that you don't even have time to think. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, that's for your deathbed. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| Okay, let me just lay here as I'm fucking breathing my last breath to sort of assess what the hell this was. | ||
| Right, if you want to compete, if you want to compete in the marketplace, there's so many people out there that are just going guns blazing, pedal to the floor. | ||
| There's two deathbed stories that I heard, all right? | ||
| One of them was, should I tell the sad one or the cool one first? | ||
| It's up to you. | ||
| Okay, I'll tell the cool one first. | ||
| We'll end in a dark place. | ||
| So I remember hearing Lou Reed, when Lou Reed was on his deathbed, he was just sitting there relaxed, smiling with this look of wonderment, like enjoying your last experience. | ||
| I'm going to experience death. | ||
| And he was open to it and had a little smile on his face. | ||
| And it's just like, okay, that's... | ||
| How I would like to go out. | ||
| Not being like, oh fuck, oh fuck. | ||
| And then there was another one. | ||
| I almost don't even want to say the fucking name. | ||
| I'm not even gonna. | ||
| It was this famous guy and he was a child star. | ||
| And I don't think he ever got past that, you know, the ups and downs. | ||
| I was here and now I'm only here. | ||
| But he's still like doing these huge shows, but he's not as big as he was. | ||
| And his final words were, so much wasted time. | ||
| And if you look at his career, it wasn't. | ||
| He worked his ass off, but that's what scares the shit out of me. | ||
| I'm like, so much wasted time, dude. | ||
| You played fucking theaters for 40 years, selling out and made millions of dollars, and you came out the other side of that saying so much wasted time. | ||
| So that's kind of making me look at, like, you know... | ||
| There's this weird sort of thing with what we do. | ||
| Like, oh, it's exciting and stuff. | ||
| But, you know, you kind of also sit back like, all right, well, if I do that too much and something else suffers, or did I take the time? | ||
| Like, you know, I have a pool. | ||
| I'm never in it. | ||
| It's just expensive puddle. | ||
| Like, what am I doing with this fucking thing? | ||
| And someone comes over to maintain your puddle. | ||
| Dude, and that was the dream. | ||
| I remember, like, living in play, fucking New York, no air conditioners. | ||
| Like, someday, I'm gonna get a fucking house, and I'm gonna have a fucking pool, and on a goddamn day like this, I'm gonna fucking jump into that thing. | ||
| And, uh, yeah, and on hot days like that, I'm not. | ||
| I'm fucking sitting in my office, you know, working. | ||
| But there's something to be said about that, because that's what you're supposed to do as a dad and everything, but then, um... | ||
| You know, there's also that other thing. | ||
| It's like if you work too much, do you end up being that guy? | ||
| Lay in there. | ||
| You probably will. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, thanks, Joe. | ||
| The thing about those guys... | ||
| Well, if you work too much, I'm saying. | ||
| I think those guys that... | ||
| So much wasted time, guys. | ||
| You know, they also... | ||
| It's very difficult when you're in a competitive business like show business to pay attention to just yourself and just enjoy your experience and be in the moment. | ||
| Everybody is looking at themselves... | ||
| Through the eyes of the success of other people. | ||
| I remember when I was on news radio, the staff, the crew, the cast, everybody else besides me had a background in show business. | ||
| All I had to do, I only had a background in stand-up. | ||
| I'd never taken acting classes other than a few private classes they made me take when they gave me a development deal. | ||
| So I didn't understand the culture of acting. | ||
| And I remember I was on the set, and they would read Variety. | ||
| Or they would read, you know, whatever those show, Hollywood Reporter. | ||
| And they would read about people getting deals. | ||
| And they would read about how well Friends was doing and how well this is doing. | ||
| And they'd get so fucking mad. | ||
| And I would go, why are you reading that? | ||
| Like, you're reading The Devil's Rag. | ||
| I go, you guys are upset. | ||
| I go, last time I checked, I'm on fucking TV. I'm a 27-year-old kid and I'm on TV. Maybe because that was such a well-written... | ||
| show that didn't get quite the shine that it should have. | ||
| I felt. | ||
| I felt because that was a really, really, really good show with like a ridiculous level talented cast. | ||
| And there's always those things. | ||
| But that's something you have to learn in this business that you just have to accept that like, you know, I always equate a lot of things to like music that, you know, you'll have like some pop star, you know, some young, you know, guy or girl's going to come out, prime of their life, good looking, singing some, you know, bubble gum shit is always going to sell more than this you know, bubble gum shit is always going to sell more than And you just have to, you got to be okay with that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because it's like, if you want to sell that, yeah, you gotta go do that bubblegum shit, and if you don't want to do that, don't fucking sit there and look at it. | ||
| And be upset. | ||
| Comparison is a thief of joy. | ||
| It's a famous quote, but it's an awesome one. | ||
| It really is. | ||
| I've lived that for a while. | ||
| Yeah, a lot of people do. | ||
| Especially show business. | ||
| Show business, that's a common thing amongst comics. | ||
| You would see it, this gleam of jealousy. | ||
| But I think also there's good aspects of jealousy and that you can feel bad that you're not getting something that other people are getting and then it makes you work harder. | ||
| But then once you've achieved like a... | ||
| A level of success where it's measurable, where you're like, hey, look, you're paying your bills, you're doing shows, and people are coming to see you. | ||
| You're doing great. | ||
| Just concentrate on the work. | ||
| Then concentrate on the work. | ||
| Concentrate on being at your best. | ||
| Don't concentrate on how well this guy is doing and how well that... | ||
| I remember when Dane Cook was killing it. | ||
| There were so many haters. | ||
| And not just because of all the real reasons to be a hater, but also just because of his success was so astronomical. | ||
| I remember people would just fume thinking about Dane Cook selling out arenas. | ||
| It would drive them crazy. | ||
| And I remember thinking, like, just concentrate on getting better. | ||
| Like, concentrate on your act. | ||
| When I kind of focused on just beyond that, I focused on doing what I thought that I wanted to do. | ||
| Like, I don't give a shit. | ||
| Like, I'm gonna make this thing. | ||
| And I don't give a fuck if five people see this. | ||
| I want to do this. | ||
| And then all of a sudden, it just changed my perspective on the whole thing, where it's just like, oh, you know, this is just like a... | ||
| Like, you don't have to try to do everything. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And if this is, like, really hitting, you don't have to go do that. | ||
| It's like, well, I kind of want to go over here and just do this thing. | ||
| And... | ||
| I was talking to you about stand-up earlier, and over the summer I was lucky enough that Dave Chappelle invited me to come out and do a couple shows out in his place out there in Ohio, and going out there and getting in front of a crowd where there was no cell phones, and I knew that this was just going to be for them, and I didn't have to worry about all this shit. | ||
| It suddenly reminded me of how fun stand-up used to be. | ||
| Before all the joke police came out to complain about shit that happened at a show that they weren't at. | ||
| And it was sort of this thunderclap moment. | ||
| It was just like, I've been doing stand-up wrong for like five years. | ||
| It's not that I didn't say what I wanted to say. | ||
| I was looking over my shoulder as I was doing it. | ||
| Literally telling jokes going like, is this going to be the one? | ||
| Right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then just doing his gig for three days, I was like... | ||
| It took me back to being at the Boston Comedy Club in New York. | ||
| Back when, you know, I would watch a young Dave Chappelle and all of the guys down there. | ||
| And I was just... | ||
| And ever since then, in August, it was like, oh, yeah! | ||
| Like, this isn't theirs. | ||
| This is mine. | ||
| And theirs meaning these fucking assholes who are sitting there like I'm on Shark Tank, and I'm trying to sell them something or whatever, and it's just like, no, this is just, I'm just up here. | ||
| I'm not doing anything. | ||
| I'm just up here fucking around, saying crazy shit that I think's funny, trying to make you laugh, but, like, this, like, my act is mine. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| This is my shit to say. | ||
| If you like it, you like it. | ||
| If you don't, there's a hundred thousand comedians. | ||
| Go find the fucking one that you like. | ||
| But you also have to accept the fact that if you're going to do something that people don't like, there's going to be a certain amount of people that because of social media, first of all, people are addicted to posting. | ||
| They love it. | ||
| They love posting things. | ||
| They do it all day long. | ||
| They get a juice out of it. | ||
| And then on top of that, if they could post about something that's... | ||
| That rings true with outrage, especially if they can take you out of context, and it rings with outrage, then people will click on that. | ||
| It'll get a lot of likes. | ||
| So it's inevitable that if you talk about controversial subjects like you do... | ||
| I understand it, but my thing is to not just completely let go of that. | ||
| Like, oh, is that what you're doing? | ||
| Is that how you took it? | ||
| Great. | ||
| I'm going on to my next show, and I'm going to continue doing that bit, and I'm going to expand on it, because that's what I want to do, because it makes me happy, and this is what I think is funny. | ||
| And if you don't think it's funny, I respect it. | ||
| But ever since that Chappelle Show gig, I've just been like, oh yeah, this used to be fucking like... | ||
| Well, that's great. | ||
| Like this awesome thing. | ||
| Wild thing that nobody... | ||
| Other than the people in the room. | ||
| You gotta worry about people leaving the room and getting mad at you. | ||
| Like, that's not funny. | ||
| Like, people would get upset. | ||
| But there's always gonna be one or two. | ||
| If you have 450 people in a room... | ||
| There's going to be one or two that get pissed off. | ||
| Now they drive away. | ||
| It's fucking hilarious. | ||
| Back their car up and they just... | ||
|
unidentified
|
They have drive-in shows. | |
| Yeah, they're drive-in shows. | ||
| I've had a few of those. | ||
| Bert is the pioneer of that. | ||
| Bert is the guy. | ||
| He doesn't get enough credit for that. | ||
| Bert Kreischer, he invented these fucking drive-in shows. | ||
| He loves doing stand-up and he was trying to figure out a way to keep doing stand-up during the pandemic and he came up with the idea of drive-in shows. | ||
| He was the first guy to do it. | ||
| I don't know if one of his agents or managers or someone... | ||
| No, no. | ||
| He kept trying to talk me into doing them and I was just like, I don't know, man. | ||
| I got too much scar tissue from doing jokes in front of crowds. | ||
| This took me back to doing... | ||
| I was looking at them like, that reminds me of doing nooners at colleges, but I didn't understand that it's a different dynamic. | ||
| Where back when you would do a nooner at a fucking cafeteria at college, those people didn't want a show. | ||
| They wanted to eat and talk to their friends, and all of a sudden you're up there, hey, what's up with stuff? | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know? | |
| They go... | ||
| Fuck, I'm trying to study or hit on this chick or whatever. | ||
| But those shows, as much as they look like hell gigs, they're like the greatest crowd ever because they're so into comedy that they're willing to sit in their car and listen to it. | ||
| And it's the weirdest thing ever. | ||
| A year ago, this is the worst fucking setup ever for comedy, but it's the greatest crowd ever, and it ends up being this great show. | ||
| Do they do it through the radio? | ||
| Is that what they're doing? | ||
| I haven't done the drive-in ones. | ||
| I've done parking lots. | ||
| I did a patch of grass behind a motel, which was an incredible show. | ||
| Where was that? | ||
| I felt... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It was somewhere in Connecticut. | ||
| And this woman... | ||
| They kind of had this white noise thing. | ||
| And the thing was broken. | ||
| And I was in the middle of doing my set. | ||
| And people were sitting on the grass. | ||
| And there was no stage. | ||
| So I felt like we were all going to take out tambourines. | ||
| I felt like some hippie thing. | ||
| And I was standing behind this motel doing this shit. | ||
| It was like, you know, maybe like 35, 40 people there. | ||
| And this lady comes walking over with her dog. | ||
| And she starts talking to the guy running it. | ||
| And then she just sort of walked. | ||
| It was so not a show that she wasn't even self-conscious. | ||
| And she just walked up, she said, you know, you're talking way too loud and just like... | ||
| To you? | ||
| Yeah, like I was her neighbor. | ||
| It was fucking hilarious. | ||
| And then I was trying to be like, alright, sorry, I'll try to keep it down. | ||
| And I felt bad, you know, I don't know. | ||
| And then she walked away. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know. | |
| She started wagging her finger at me, and then that, of course, got me going. | ||
| Like, don't fucking wag your finger at me. | ||
| I've been polite, okay? | ||
|
unidentified
|
And then she walked away. | |
| Did they have permits? | ||
| Yeah, but then I watched her walk, and I started making fun of her house. | ||
| I was doing this whole bit on split entries that I can't remember. | ||
| They had a new roof with old shutters. | ||
| And I was saying that's like buying a new suit with old shoes. | ||
| You ruined the whole thing. | ||
| I was just trashing it. | ||
| Because I thought it was her house and I found out she lived across the street. | ||
| And then the person who owned the house was actually on the porch listening, enjoying the show. | ||
| And I was shitting all over his house and I felt... | ||
|
unidentified
|
I ended up feeling really bad about it. | |
| Because what's funny is with all of this shit is I don't do this shit to make you feel bad. | ||
| I'm trying to make you feel good. | ||
| That's the funny thing about it. | ||
| So like... | ||
| When people take it a certain way, I'm not this heartless person that just goes like... | ||
| You know, I remember way back in the day, I did a bit and I made this woman cry. | ||
| And I felt fucking horrible. | ||
| I just didn't have the emotional ability to handle it. | ||
| Because she was right. | ||
| I mean, that's like... | ||
| I wasn't doing it about... | ||
| But it touched too much on her life and where she was. | ||
| It happened to me twice. | ||
| I remember this woman came up to me and she's like, plane crashes aren't funny. | ||
| And left and I was like, oh my god. | ||
| Yeah, and I wish that I was mature enough to be like, I am so sorry. | ||
| You know? | ||
| You know, but... | ||
| Not like I shouldn't have done the bit, but it's just like I should have had like empathy there. | ||
| I didn't know what to do. | ||
| And of course, back then, you know, all my comic friends, we were all like, you know, in our 20s, you know, broken toys at that point, crawling out of whatever the fuck happened that made you a comedian. | ||
| So asking them for advice was not the right thing to do. | ||
| I would have been like, fuck you, bitch. | ||
| And even then, I was just like, really? | ||
| That's what you would have said? | ||
| Because there was that thing back then where it's just, I'm going to hurt you before you hurt me, that type of shit. | ||
| Also, you had to be hardcore. | ||
| Yeah, I remember there was a big thing. | ||
| When we were coming up, there was this badge of honor that you walked a room. | ||
| Yes! | ||
| One of my favorite shows I ever saw, Bill Hicks walked a room. | ||
| One of my favorite shows I ever saw. | ||
| It was Bill Hicks went on after this guy, who was a nice guy, but he was a hack. | ||
| And the hack was doing... | ||
| I mean, he was doing the whole thing. | ||
| Just dunking donuts, cops jokes, cartoon character smoking pot. | ||
| You know, like it was the... | ||
| Classic rock. | ||
| It was... | ||
| Classic rock is good music. | ||
| But you know what I mean, though? | ||
| They became a formula after a while. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| Sing about a car, sing about a woman. | ||
| Yeah, play Free Bird. | ||
| But this guy was doing this whack comedy set and it got a good amount of laughs. | ||
| People liked it. | ||
| And then Hicks went up. | ||
| And he went up and immediately philosophical and brooding and pacing the stage and... | ||
| They fucking hated him. | ||
| And as they hated him, Fitzsimmons and I were in the back of the room. | ||
| I'll never forget this. | ||
| Fitzsimmons and I, to this day, talk about this. | ||
| We were laughing when people were getting up and leaving because we were 21, right? | ||
| We were straight open micers. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| And we were sitting there watching. | ||
| This was when Hicks was... | ||
| Just started to come off of HBO. So it was around 88, 89-ish. | ||
| And he is doing these bits. | ||
| And as he's doing these bits, we're laughing harder and more people are leaving. | ||
| So there's like... | ||
| Maybe 10 of us in the back, comics and people that work at the club at Nick's Comedy Stop. | ||
| And then people are just getting up in droves and walking out. | ||
| At the end of the night, there's fucking 30 people. | ||
| What's Nick's when it was packed? | ||
| 300? | ||
| Like 400. 400? | ||
| If they got them all the way behind that bar. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Way in the back, yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So out of all those people, there was maybe 30 or 40 people left. | ||
| And the 10 comics in the back howling, laughing. | ||
| And to this day, it's one of my favorite sets ever because... | ||
| Guys bomb, and you feel them bombing. | ||
| Like, you feel it. | ||
| Like, you feel for them, and it hurts. | ||
| Like, I can't watch open mic nights when people bomb, because I think, oh my god, nothing can be funny. | ||
| Like, the worst thing for me, personally... | ||
| I know, and they don't know how to get out of it. | ||
| It just takes you back to when you were doing that, going like, ugh. | ||
| I just remember those car rides home by yourself. | ||
| Trying to shout your set out of your head. | ||
| I hate myself. | ||
| That was the worst! | ||
| But open mics, like, the worst was when I would go on the road and say I'd do a gig in Florida and they'd have a local opener and I'd watch like two minutes of the guys set up like, oh my god, this is impossible. | ||
| There's nothing, nothing is funny. | ||
| It's impossible to be funny. | ||
| Like, some of the opening acts... | ||
| Like in fucking Tampa or somewhere. | ||
| They were so bad. | ||
| You couldn't imagine anything could be funny. | ||
| Like it was a race. | ||
| I had to close my head. | ||
| I had to leave the room. | ||
| I had to shut the door, the green room, and hope I didn't miss my intro because it was so bad. | ||
| And then you would go on stage and you'd have this look in the people's eyes just beaten down by life because they listened to 20 minutes of utter horseshit. | ||
| That wasn't the case with Hicks. | ||
| With Hicks, it was like he was doing this stuff that was just not on the same vibe as the guy before. | ||
| The guy before was on this dumb, like real obvious, straight down the middle. | ||
| Yeah, he's doing the pop shit. | ||
| Real poppy vibe. | ||
| It wasn't good either, but it was getting some laughs. | ||
| Hey, yeah, it's a good one. | ||
| Like that kind of stupid shit. | ||
| And then no one knew who Hicks was, but he never lost confidence. | ||
| It was amazing. | ||
| It was amazing. | ||
| Yeah, you're on a mission. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He was doing this long bit about taking a shit. | ||
| He was doing this long bit about the devil has sex with... | ||
| I think it was the devil has sex with John Davidson from That's Incredible. | ||
| And shits out someone else. | ||
| And this is a long bit about shitting out this other demon. | ||
| And he's like squatting on the toilet like... | ||
| Oh yeah, he was talking about, I think that was the thing, talking about what they give you to watch on television. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| But that it was Satan. | ||
| The Satan was programming the whole thing. | ||
| So he's doing this bit where it's like, I'm telling you, he's making shit sounds for like two minutes. | ||
| Just squatting and making these shit sounds. | ||
| It's a long shit sound. | ||
| In front of people that probably like John Davidson. | ||
| They're getting up and leaving in droves. | ||
| And he looks up. | ||
| I'll never forget this. | ||
| I mean, not covering his ass, not making excuses, not pretending he doesn't give a fuck. | ||
| Genuinely, didn't give a fuck. | ||
| He looks up and goes, yep, this generally clears the room. | ||
| Just watching people just get up in sets. | ||
| And he's like... | ||
| Just squatting! | ||
| And Fitzsimmons and I crying laughing. | ||
| He never lost confidence. | ||
| It was crazy. | ||
| I was like, how is this guy so confident? | ||
| How is he so relaxed? | ||
| And never adjusted his material to the crowd. | ||
| Like, his material was that what we're doing with our culture, with our lives, is empty and vapid and meaningless, and that we're ruining God's creation. | ||
| We're ruining Earth. | ||
| And people are like, I don't want to hear this. | ||
| I gotta go to work tomorrow. | ||
| I'm a fucking longshoreman. | ||
| And they get up and... | ||
| But never lost. | ||
| You know, they're right. | ||
| Some people are just like, well, you know, I don't look at the world that way. | ||
| I don't want to listen to this. | ||
| I'm leaving. | ||
| All right, see you later. | ||
| And then he keeps doing what he's doing. | ||
| Well, they didn't know who he was. | ||
| What is this thing here? | ||
| This is made out of like a symbol? | ||
| This thing? | ||
| Yeah, right here. | ||
| Oh, this. | ||
| Yeah, this is a chimp skull that is actually made out of a thimble. | ||
| Yeah, check that out. | ||
| A symbol, not a thimble. | ||
| Thimble, thimble. | ||
| Sorry. | ||
| Oh, symbol. | ||
| Symbol. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What is it? | |
| Thimble's like if you're sewing. | ||
| Thimble's for your thumb, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Symbol. | ||
| Symbol. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's right there. | ||
| That's the clip that goes viral. | ||
| Thimble, symbol. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Symbol, thimble. | ||
| This is... | ||
| Deep Talk with Bill Burr. | ||
| That's pretty dope, right? | ||
| And that's amazing. | ||
| That's Shane Against the Machine. | ||
| It's a man who is an amazingly skilled artist. | ||
| He's made me a couple things. | ||
| He made me this. | ||
| Remember the World War II helmet that was a lamp in the old studio? | ||
| He made that, too. | ||
| He made helmets. | ||
| I just remember the wolf. | ||
| The wolf, too. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's Patrick McGee. | ||
| That's a special effects guy that made the werewolf. | ||
| But this guy has made me a couple different skulls. | ||
| One of them I have in my office. | ||
| And then just sent this one out of the blue. | ||
| It says higherprimate on the bottom of it. | ||
| It's got my higherprimate.com logo on it. | ||
| That thing lived a good life. | ||
| A relaxed life. | ||
| You can tell. | ||
| The chimp? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How can you tell? | ||
| Because its canines aren't filed down. | ||
| It wasn't grinding its teeth when it was sleeping. | ||
| Grinding its teeth when it was sleeping. | ||
| Yeah, that's what I did as a kid. | ||
| Did you have to have a mouthpiece? | ||
| No, you have some one time they gave me a mouthpiece. | ||
| They realized, they didn't realize that it was happening when I was a kid. | ||
| It didn't happen when I was an adult. | ||
| It was done. | ||
| So then I got it and it just ended up, they didn't do it right, so it changed my bite. | ||
| My jaw started popping out. | ||
| So I just stopped wearing it. | ||
| Then I just sort of, I just popped it back in and I was fine. | ||
| I had all these micro-fractures on all these teeth, particularly on my back teeth. | ||
| And my dentist was like, what the fuck are you doing? | ||
| Why do you have all these fractures on your teeth? | ||
| I realized it was from lifting weights, just biting down and lifting things. | ||
| It wasn't getting punched when you were fighting? | ||
| No, I wore a mouthpiece most of the time. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| Almost all the time. | ||
| That's what I would assume. | ||
| No. | ||
| You were taekwondo getting kicked in the fucking head, dude? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think that your mouth... | ||
| There was some of that, I'm sure. | ||
| That doesn't help. | ||
| I think a lot of it was from just training with just biting down. | ||
| Just always biting down. | ||
| You weren't a more reps guy, were you? | ||
| You were a more weight guy? | ||
| It depends on what I was trying to do, but more weight than more reps. | ||
| I'm at the age now where it's more reps than weight. | ||
| Well, reps are good. | ||
| It's good. | ||
| You know what else is good? | ||
| Slow. | ||
| Doing things slowly. | ||
| Super slow sets. | ||
| There's a lot of benefit in doing things real slow. | ||
| I do the one, two, one, two, three, four. | ||
| Yeah, you can make a lightweight heavy if you just work out slow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I do some boxing workouts with these five-pound center mass bells. | ||
| A center mass bell is like a circle with a handle inside the circle. | ||
| Oh, you know, I was just at a gym that had those. | ||
| I was looking at, like, what is that? | ||
| They're great. | ||
| A radio antenna? | ||
| I didn't know what it was. | ||
| Sorenix creates these. | ||
| And I put my hands inside of these things, and I'll do this boxing workout where I'm doing it. | ||
| There it is. | ||
| That's a big, heavy one. | ||
| I don't use them for that kind of shit. | ||
| Oh, no, that's not what it was. | ||
| They were smaller than that. | ||
| Yeah, the ones I use are smaller. | ||
| The ones I use for boxing workouts are five pounds, but they fucking blow your shoulders out, and I'm doing it with... | ||
| Wait, they don't hurt you, right? | ||
| No, no, no, not in a bad way. | ||
| Dude, look at that ab workout that chick is doing. | ||
| They didn't have that shit when I was a kid. | ||
| Well, maybe they did. | ||
| I think Stallone did that in a movie. | ||
| Just like, what are you doing? | ||
| That is fucking insane. | ||
| Only gymnasts could do that back in the day. | ||
| This was working out when I was a kid. | ||
| Benching all the time. | ||
| What can you bench? | ||
| You did that. | ||
| Then you did some curls. | ||
| Then you did the nosebreaker. | ||
| Curl things. | ||
| There was nothing for your back. | ||
| That pull-down machine. | ||
| Yeah, that was that. | ||
| Dude, the guy does the whole stack. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Remember that? | |
| There was always that guy letting it go. | ||
| Cash! | ||
| Slamming down. | ||
| And then nobody did their fucking legs. | ||
| No, there was no leg workout. | ||
| And core, really... | ||
| Guys would do like... | ||
| You do like 10 sit-ups. | ||
| That was it. | ||
| It was just all about benching. | ||
| Yeah, people didn't give a fuck about six-packs back then for some strange reason. | ||
| I don't think we knew. | ||
| There was no... | ||
| And there was no... | ||
| There wasn't enough... | ||
| I just remember there was roids in that powder. | ||
| Creatine? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| These guys would just be drinking these shakes. | ||
| Dude, guys... | ||
| Every gym had like four or five fucking gorillas. | ||
| They looked like the Hulk. | ||
| They were fucking gigantic. | ||
| And they would get in there and just intimidate the whole gym. | ||
| They'd just be grabbing that thing, making these fucking noises. | ||
| And then they would let go each... | ||
| And then you'd be like, are you almost done with that? | ||
| And you're like... | ||
| Like, no matter what you did. | ||
| I miss that, though, man. | ||
| I used to love Gold Gym and all those things, World Gym, all of those things that they had back in the day. | ||
| Those places are all going to go under now. | ||
| A lot of them are going under. | ||
| Out here, you can still go to the gym. | ||
| They just have limited capacity. | ||
| They do a temperature check when you go in there. | ||
| You wear a mask, and you go to the gym. | ||
| You have to stay away from everybody. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know what the story is in L.A. It's all shut down. | |
| They don't have anything open. | ||
| Well, there's a few. | ||
| Yeah, well, that's what they think. | ||
| That's part of the joke I heard is that everything is shut down but 50% at gyms still. | ||
| Or maybe outside gyms. | ||
| Where? | ||
| L.A.? Yeah, it was like you have to stay home but you can still go to the gym. | ||
| Yeah, it would have to be outside. | ||
| Yeah, because that's what Bradley Martin is having a problem with. | ||
| Because Bradley Martin has a private gym. | ||
| It's not even open to the public and they were still shutting his power off and turning his electrical off. | ||
| Ridiculous. | ||
| I know that. | ||
| What's funny about that is I understand getting mad at the government, but you also have to get mad at all these fucking assholes who are just doing whatever the fuck they want to do. | ||
| There's also that. | ||
| These people having parties and shit, you know? | ||
| Yep. | ||
| So it's just like everybody keeps getting mad at the governor out there. | ||
| Or whatever the fuck, which I get because a lot of them said, hey, you know, quarantine and do all this shit. | ||
| Then they catch them at a party or going to a fucking restaurant after they said not to do it, which I understand that. | ||
| But like, I was like, where's the other 50% where we hold ourselves accountable? | ||
| Because everybody thinks they're a fucking doctor now. | ||
| My COVID doctor? | ||
| Drives me up the wall. | ||
| My doctor, shout out to Dr. Malkin. | ||
| Dr. Vinny Boombat. | ||
| Hey, Dr. Abe. | ||
| Abe Malkin. | ||
| He's a good man. | ||
| He's the guy who did all our COVID tests in LA and he arranges them all out here in Texas as well. | ||
| He was doing COVID tests for all these people that went to one of those influencer parties in Hollywood. | ||
| He said there was like a hundred people that tested positive. | ||
| They went to some party, fucking pack party, thousands of people all mulling around and then all of a sudden they just started falling into his office a few days later. | ||
| All of them are sick. | ||
| Yeah, and that's the thing that like... | ||
| I want to hear small business people also bitch about them. | ||
| Just hold them accountable, too. | ||
| Because it's just like, the government's fucking this thing up. | ||
| Nobody's working together. | ||
| Everybody has a fucking theory. | ||
| You're playing a game, and half the team is running one play, and the other half is running the other play. | ||
| It's like you're not going to win. | ||
| Well, there was no coordination beforehand. | ||
| Nobody knew what the fuck was going on before this happened. | ||
| Before January, no one had any idea that we would be dealing with something like this. | ||
| So they have to sort of make it up as they go along. | ||
| And then in the future, I think if another pandemic comes around, we're going to be much better prepared for it. | ||
| We'll be able to lock down quicker and... | ||
| The thing about the virus and the vaccine is that if this vaccine is effective and if you really can get it to people and give their immune system, we should be able to ramp things back up to fairly normal levels fairly quickly. | ||
| Yeah, I feel good about it, but I've given up on the whole that people are going to come together during this. | ||
| It's just like, if you talk to 20 people, 20 people have 20 different opinions and 20 different game plans. | ||
| It's like the fucking, it's the Wild West. | ||
| But I have to say, for our first pandemic in a long time, I think we did pretty good. | ||
| We did worse than any other country. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We're the worst. | |
| We're the worst. | ||
| But we could have been way worse. | ||
| I guess. | ||
| It could always be worse. | ||
| I think what they needed to fucking concentrate on that they have is health. | ||
| There's no talk of health, and that's the thing that drives me the most crazy. | ||
| They're not giving people tips on how to improve your health and your immune system. | ||
| I know. | ||
| It's... | ||
| It's an important part of why people recover faster and why people don't. | ||
| Yeah, and there's a lot of information out there. | ||
| Yeah, there is a lot of information out there. | ||
| It doesn't... | ||
| Yeah, it's like, how do you figure out if it's actually... | ||
| Right. | ||
| Are you going to jump on the vaccine right away? | ||
| Or are you going to wait a little bit? | ||
| Well, I figure Great Britain's doing it. | ||
| That was a funny bit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I don't want to say nothing about that bit. | ||
| That's a genius bit. | ||
| I really enjoyed that last night. | ||
| Oh, thank you. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You had some funny fucking shit. | ||
| I don't even want to talk about the subjects that you talked about because I don't want to shock anybody. | ||
| I've been having so much fucking fun. | ||
| You looked like you were having a good time. | ||
| Yeah, just acting like a fucking idiot. | ||
| Yeah, I told you, that Chappelle thing. | ||
| It's like, that's right, I'm an idiot. | ||
| I don't have to be right. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I just have to be funny. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| That's all people want to see. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Especially today. | ||
| You know, there's so many people that just want an escape. | ||
| They just want some wild shit. | ||
| They just want to have a good time. | ||
| And that's what I felt like last night. | ||
| And to go and see you and fuck, it was probably like 40 degrees outside last night. | ||
| It was cold as shit. | ||
| Oh, that was one of the warmer days on this one. | ||
| I didn't realize Texas gets this cold. | ||
| It gets cold out of here, buddy. | ||
| I want to go down to Mexico or something. | ||
| Yeah, I was fully zipped up and fucking wearing a hat and shit and shivering. | ||
| We had a couple shows in Dallas where, like, I couldn't feel my toes. | ||
| And then my hand, my fingers were getting all red. | ||
| It was just like... | ||
| I felt like I was tailgating, but I was like... | ||
| Maybe, like, it felt like a Pats game in, like, October. | ||
| Yes! | ||
| It's just kind of comment on the weather now. | ||
| Well, how about poor Burt? | ||
| Burt's still doing these fucking shows shirtless. | ||
| Oh, dude, he's an animal. | ||
| He goes outside. | ||
| It's 30 degrees outside. | ||
| He does his head shirtless. | ||
| Bert, remember when you... | ||
| Well, you weren't a sports guy, but they used to show those guys that would go to Chicago Bears games and not have four guys or five guys spell out bears, right? | ||
| And Bert, he's cut from that cloth. | ||
| That guy is a... | ||
| He's the machine. | ||
| He's the machine. | ||
| And I feel like guys like him are really what this time needs. | ||
| It's just somebody... | ||
| Bert is one of the most fun guys ever. | ||
| I'm trying to think. | ||
| He's like anybody. | ||
| Anybody has their little down moments. | ||
| But just generally speaking, hanging out with Bert is always fun. | ||
| He is like, whatever Debbie Downer is, he is the exact... | ||
| He's the vaccine for fucking Debbie Downer. | ||
| Super optimist. | ||
| Yeah, and I think he has... | ||
| I love that guy, man. | ||
| He has that thing that certain comics have where he's actually concerned about other people having a good time. | ||
| He wants to make sure everybody's having a good time. | ||
| And if you're not having a good time, I feel like it affects him. | ||
| Intellectually do something to make you laugh or something. | ||
| He's a really good-hearted dude. | ||
| He's a great person. | ||
| He really is. | ||
| He's a fun guy, too. | ||
| Those Sober October things that we had done, those were some of the most fun things that I would look forward to all year. | ||
| We did three of those in a row, three years in a row of these Sober October challenges. | ||
| Hey, I've got to ask you about weed. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Okay? | ||
| Because I haven't drank in just a little over two years now, right? | ||
| I just quit. | ||
| So now, so with this weed shit going, becoming legal, and I'm just hearing people talking about it, being like, well, this is the shit, man. | ||
| If you want to, like, clean your house, be high, but you still want to clean your house, or this shit here, if you just want to get fucked up, and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and all this stuff. | ||
| Like, my question is, what are they putting in weed? | ||
| Because weed, you should just be weed. | ||
| I wasn't a marijuana guy, but weed was kind of weed. | ||
| Wasn't it? | ||
| And now there's all these different strains. | ||
| So are they putting a bunch of... | ||
| Is this becoming like cereal? | ||
| No. | ||
| Where it's like a bunch of chemicals? | ||
| Is it still healthy? | ||
| No, it's just botanists. | ||
| The botanists have worked on stronger strains. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, it's mostly just plant scientists. | ||
| It's exciting. | ||
| Yeah, it's exciting. | ||
| So it just passed at a federal level in Congress. | ||
| Now it has to go to federal? | ||
| Well, it has to go to the House. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The Senate? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| How does the government work here, Joe? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| This is the government. | ||
| It doesn't seem likely. | ||
| You so saved me. | ||
| I was like, the federal, and then it goes to the outhouse. | ||
| Jamie would be better at explaining that. | ||
| You were explaining to me what... | ||
|
unidentified
|
House passed it. | |
| He was the one who sent it to me. | ||
| House passed it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The Senate will be voting on it probably once they get the full Senate together. | |
| Because I didn't realize that there was all this talk about that was the thing to get into. | ||
| You know, invest in and get into these people. | ||
| And I didn't realize it was this all cash business. | ||
| And it was a nightmare. | ||
| Like I had a buddy of mine that kind of got out of this business, got into that. | ||
| And like, he was sort of living like this murder mountain fucking existence where there was local gangs, hostile about what, and they were like, They were kind of like, hey man, we're just like making CBD oil for like your fucking joints or whatever. | ||
| We're not selling what you're selling. | ||
| And they were driving by, you know, taking shots at people. | ||
| I have friends that protect those guys. | ||
| I have friends too, Joe. | ||
| I know you do. | ||
| But that's... | ||
| A crazier situation is that these guys have to bring gigantic bags of cash to the bank. | ||
| At least they did for a long time. | ||
| Banks weren't accepting any credit card receipts, anything along the lines of what you would normally get. | ||
| And then in some places they had to put their money in a safe deposit box. | ||
| Because it was federally illegal. | ||
| So there's a lot of banks that didn't want to have anything to do with it, especially in the early days of Colorado. | ||
| So I had friends that were... | ||
| It's like the Scarface scene where he's bringing the duffel bags in. | ||
| No, literally. | ||
| Millions of dollars in cash, in bags, and these guys would transport it, and they would hire these special forces guys. | ||
| So they would hire SEALs and Rangers, and these guys would literally be fucking strapped and loaded to the teeth and rolling around with millions of dollars of cash. | ||
| I love those guys. | ||
| And they were always worried about getting jumped. | ||
| They're always worried about someone breaking in. | ||
| It was like hippies and peaceful people wandering, like, what have you got? | ||
| I'm looking for something in a sativa, you know, like, wanted to get high. | ||
| And then there's four or five... | ||
| You must have had Navy SEALs and, like, Army Rangers on here. | ||
| Oh, a bunch. | ||
| A bunch of them work for me. | ||
| Those guys out there that work for me, all the guys who are security are all ex-military. | ||
| But just their existence, okay? | ||
| So you get into special forces and the shit that you had to survive, right? | ||
| And then you get out of the army and you're like, alright, I got a civilian life and now this is going to be like, now you're bringing like bags of cash like you're in Scarface. | ||
| You're like, can I get a fucking break here? | ||
| Can I just get like a fucking sit in a booth? | ||
| Take somebody's goddamn temperature? | ||
| Honestly? | ||
| I talk to a lot of like... | ||
| Like a military pilot, you know? | ||
| And this one guy, he had flown in the first Gulf War, helicopters and shit. | ||
| And I'm like, oh man, you must be a sick-ass pilot and, you know, flying around out here. | ||
| And he's like, nah, I don't do it anymore. | ||
| I don't do it anymore. | ||
| And I'm like, why? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Why not? | |
| It's so much fun. | ||
| And he just goes, you know, after people are just like shooting at you and stuff, I just kind of like being down here. | ||
| And I just remember thinking like, because I know how scared I am if I solo. | ||
| There's always that, you know, it's this amazing feeling. | ||
| Well, the last two times I did it, it was really relaxing. | ||
| But, like, just early on when you're doing it, you're like, what in the fuck am I doing? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| I can't imagine, like... | ||
| Bullets whizzing by you. | ||
| Yeah, like your first solo in this fucking thing, and you got that thing over your eye. | ||
| You're like the fucking Terminator. | ||
| Like, how long they have to train for those high-level Apaches, whatever the hell they are. | ||
| What is the thing over your eye? | ||
| They have, like, a fucking thing, dude, where, like, you're looking out the windshield, and you're also taking information over this... | ||
| This... | ||
| It's insane. | ||
| It's like you're like... | ||
| Like a Google Glass type deal? | ||
| Like a fucking chameleon where you're looking at two things at once and flying a helicopter and getting shot at. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| There it is. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| What does it look like inside, Jamie? | ||
| Is there a... | ||
| Can they show you a view? | ||
| Oh, you can buy one of those on Amazon. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| I know. | ||
| How ridiculous. | ||
| We need to do podcasts with those on. | ||
| I mean, that's what I'm gonna wear instead of masks. | ||
| You can wear one of those, right? | ||
| What's that? | ||
| A motorcycle helmet? | ||
| If you can wear a mask, why can't you wear a big ol' fuckin' helmet everywhere? | ||
| Oh, if you ride a motorcycle, you don't wear a helmet? | ||
| Out here, you don't have to. | ||
| You would, though, right? | ||
| Fuck yeah. | ||
| Okay. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jesus Christ. | |
| I thought you were gonna go full Gary Busey. | ||
| No, no, no, no. | ||
| But I was saying that if you wanted to wear, you didn't want to wear a mask, you could just wear a motorcycle helmet. | ||
| But these, does it show you what they see? | ||
|
unidentified
|
That seemed fake, the first one. | |
| This does too. | ||
| Huh. | ||
| So they're just like, oh, so this is like new versions of it. | ||
| When they train on those things, they get like massive headaches. | ||
| It's almost like building your tolerance up. | ||
| You know, they say you only use a certain portion of your brain. | ||
| There's all this extra thing. | ||
| I think with that thing, you're starting to, you know, pull back that warehouse door into the other part of your brain. | ||
| Yeah, that thing of only using a certain part of your brain is not totally accurate. | ||
| What they used to think that you only used, like, 10% of your brain, like, that's actually, like, one of the premises, a false premise in the movie Lucy. | ||
| Lucy's a movie where they give this lady, Scarlett Johansson. | ||
| Yeah, I love that movie. | ||
| They give her some drug, and then she turns out to be some god at the end of the movie. | ||
| She literally becomes like a god. | ||
| Spoiler alert. | ||
| I just remember her kicking the shit out of everybody. | ||
| Beating the fuck out of everybody. | ||
| She knew how to fight. | ||
| That's a movie for me. | ||
| She also knew how to stop physics. | ||
| She knew how to stop bullets and stop... | ||
| I don't want to say anymore. | ||
| It's a good movie. | ||
| You know what's funny? | ||
| I saw the movie, but I can't quite remember. | ||
| It's a great fucking movie. | ||
| But the idea is that, here it is, that you only use 10% of your brain. | ||
| I thought she had red hair or pink hair. | ||
| No, that was the other one. | ||
| She played another movie where she was like a robot. | ||
| What was that other movie? | ||
| Ghost in the Machine? | ||
| Ghost in the Shell? | ||
| Was it Ghost in the Machine? | ||
|
unidentified
|
She does that a lot. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| She's pretty goddamn hot. | ||
| Anyway, the premise was that you only use 10% of your brain. | ||
| From what I understand, they used to think that, but now they have a better understanding of the different parts of your brain and what they're being used for. | ||
| And there's different parts of your brain that are being used for motor skills, different parts of your brain for emotions, different parts of your brain for memory. | ||
| There's a lot going on. | ||
| So the idea that you only use 10% of your brain is not real. | ||
| They never examined my brain. | ||
| I'm probably using about 11 on a good day. | ||
| You know what's weird about your brain? | ||
| Anybody's brain. | ||
| It's about how inconsistent it is. | ||
| Some days my brain is fucking firing on all cylinders and words just come flying out of my mouth and I know what I'm saying. | ||
| I'm off today. | ||
| I started this podcast. | ||
| I couldn't talk. | ||
| You were great. | ||
| What are you talking about? | ||
| I was trying to remember. | ||
| I couldn't even come up. | ||
| Suburb was the word I was trying to find. | ||
| But don't you think it's because you did two shows last night and you need a little break, a little rested? | ||
| No, I'm in the middle of a 16-show run. | ||
| 16? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What day did you start? | ||
| Monday to Monday. | ||
| You started Monday? | ||
| What'd you do Monday? | ||
| I did four nights in Dallas. | ||
| So Monday to Thursday in Dallas? | ||
| Yeah, so shows last night were 9 and 10. Wow. | ||
| So this is 11, 12. Jesus Christ. | ||
| To a night? | ||
| I'm fucking burnt. | ||
| That's why I was so silly. | ||
| On the last show, the show you went to, I was being so silly. | ||
| It was because that overly acting shit out and jumping up and down, squatting down, acting like an idiot, that is the frustration of, I'm getting sick of these jokes, so I need something new in this. | ||
| But don't you think that that's what makes them hit some new play sometimes? | ||
| It's like, you know, I love, back in the day when I was drinking, I loved to have, who doesn't like to have four drinks, all right? | ||
| But doing stand-up like that, this is like I'm on drinks nine and ten. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And it's just like now I'm going to have a massive hangover. | ||
| I just got to get through these next few. | ||
| I'm fine. | ||
| I'm fine. | ||
| I know the mindset. | ||
| I have to get in. | ||
| And then, you know, my crushing need to be liked. | ||
| I just know that I'm not going to take any shows off. | ||
| But that's the fear as you start to get a little... | ||
| I'm not a young guy. | ||
| So, I mean, this takes me back to, you know, used to do those casino gigs. | ||
| Or like how road gigs used to be. | ||
| You know, you'd come in Tuesday through Sunday, two Friday, three Saturdays. | ||
| And just going up and like when we were coming up because when I was coming up anyways, you know, the dip had happened so they would just paper these fucking rooms and it was just 300 fucking people and large clumps of 20 that all knew each other hammered and could give a fuck because they were looking at it like it was a free show. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you just went up there with like a whip and a chair trying to get these fucking people. | ||
| And then those were always the clubs. | ||
| Try not to curse too much. | ||
| It's like, why don't you try not to fucking over-serve everybody, you fucking assholes. | ||
| It was like an impossible situation with those things. | ||
| I'll tell you, last show, the first show last night, it was pretty fucking... | ||
| It took me back to some of those. | ||
| I think there was confusion as to when the show started. | ||
| And people were so psyched to be out that they were drinking like they were still in college. | ||
| And there was this fucking chick just screaming. | ||
| Just nonsensical shit like a fucking banshee. | ||
| And I was like, alright, alright, alright. | ||
| I was trying to calm her down. | ||
| I was, you know, new techniques that I've been using. | ||
| Like, you know, actually validating that I heard you shrieking. | ||
| Does that work? | ||
| And then finally I just had to kind of get a little mean. | ||
| Something about menopause. | ||
| I don't remember what... | ||
| But anyway, and then I felt bad. | ||
| I was like, I don't want to do that. | ||
| I just don't want to do that anymore. | ||
| But then security was helping her out and she couldn't even fucking stand up, which was hilarious. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fucking... | |
| Dude, people got after it last night. | ||
| But then the second show, they were like the... | ||
| You know, it's usually the late show, but it was the first show. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| They were just like, I got a babysitter. | ||
| We're fucking out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Woo! | |
| And they were just fucking... | ||
| They were nuts. | ||
| Well, the second show was wild, too. | ||
| So the first show must have been really crazy. | ||
| It was like Heavy Metal Parking Lot is what it was. | ||
| Except with, like, soccer moms. | ||
| It was funny because it was really... | ||
| It was mostly the women were like... | ||
| I don't know what they were. | ||
| They were fucking going nuts. | ||
| And then there was one guy... | ||
| The guy trying to help the jokes? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| I said something about mac and cheese and he's like, you mean cheese and macaroni? | ||
| Like, whatever that means. | ||
| And I was just like, oh my god. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Okay, buddy. | ||
| So, uh... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I got off stage and I was just like... | ||
| Alright, I thought Dallas was going to be the hard one because we were near a highway. | ||
| So the first show there was like rush hour traffic and there was also final approach of Love Field. | ||
| So every like, you know, the spacing and sequencing, like every like fucking five minutes it was like a southwest fucking landing. | ||
| But it was easy to use that. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I would just be like, alright, that sounds like, that's one of those Hondas with the high performance muffler. | ||
| I just started calling out the cars as they were going by and the planes and shit. | ||
| How close were you to the highway? | ||
| It was one of those noise barrier walls, and then there was a street. | ||
| But the funny thing was, was the stage was up high, so the crowd, I ended up figuring out, the crowd was down low and couldn't hear it the way I heard it, unless it was super loud. | ||
| And then I couldn't really hear myself, so then I started yelling, and then the third show, I felt a little twinge. | ||
| I'm like, oh, fuck. | ||
| I got, like, you know, about a dozen shows left, and I'm already doing this. | ||
| So then I actually sort of adjusted how I was talking, and then it kind of went away, which I can't believe. | ||
| So, um... | ||
| I did one weekend in Houston in July, and one of the things that I noticed at the end of the weekend by Saturday night, late show, I was like, ooh, my voice is not in shape. | ||
| Like, my vocal cords are not in shape. | ||
| They're getting tired. | ||
| Yeah, you forget. | ||
| You also forget how to do it the right way. | ||
| And I gained a whole new respect for... | ||
| Not only bands that play outdoors, but also like singers. | ||
| Because it's a completely, completely different vibe. | ||
| Like last night felt like an indoor show. | ||
| It was weird. | ||
| Where everything else is just like... | ||
| I'm trying to remember what it was like to stand up inside. | ||
| I know, right? | ||
| I know, with just like... | ||
| I remember the shit that would annoy me. | ||
| Like the fucking... | ||
| When they would be running the bills and you hear that machine doing that shit. | ||
| Or the blender in the back making margaritas. | ||
| That was the loudest thing you heard. | ||
| Now it's just like, alright, they've had fucking jets landing. | ||
| I'm not even going to hear that. | ||
| But I've been having... | ||
| So much fun and just seeing the fact that someone would come out to see stand-up in that environment under a fucking blanket is really like, man, people really love this shit. | ||
| They love it the way I love it. | ||
| They just don't do it. | ||
| So it's been like, it's kind of been giving me like a jolt for every show to like, all right, these fucking guys, people are going to sit out here on the grass under blankets. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know, I'm, you know, It's not easy right now. | |
| So the people that are going to see it and the people that are doing it, they're the people that are really enthusiastic. | ||
| What I noticed when I did shows here, I did one with Chappelle and one with Hinchcliffe and Ron White. | ||
| So I did two weekends in a row, two weeks in a row. | ||
| And it's like the people are very happy to be there. | ||
| It's a different feeling. | ||
| Did you see that clip Ron White made of selling his house? | ||
| Yeah, it's great. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| It's very good. | ||
| It's got a beautiful fucking house. | ||
| Oh, it's gorgeous. | ||
| That's the place in Beverly Hills. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, that's like... | ||
| There were so many things that I loved about it. | ||
| He lives out here now. | ||
| Because I pretty much survive on tequila and crackers. | ||
| Tequila and crackers keeps me going. | ||
| There was like so many like just brilliant lines in that and I was just reading the comments because I knew everybody like he's just one of those guys just everybody loves him and it was just like every real estate video should be like this. | ||
| It should be the person that owns the house. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Especially if it's Ron White. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, that guy is like, I don't know what the proper term is, like a folk hero. | ||
| He's like a character in a book, but he's a real person. | ||
| He's another guy, one of the most fun dudes I hung out with. | ||
| As funny as he is, he doesn't need to be the center of attention. | ||
| He really listens. | ||
| You can have a conversation with him. | ||
| It's a real rare quality, I feel like, when somebody is that funny and that good of a storyteller that they kind of enjoy... | ||
| Naga, you tell a story. | ||
| No, he's just a great guy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Just a great guy in general. | ||
| He lives out here now. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He was... | ||
| There he is. | ||
| Ron White and his dog, Mustard. | ||
| He looks good, man. | ||
| Living an easy life. | ||
| It's a fucking beautiful house. | ||
| We did the show, and it was the first show we did at Vulcan Gas Company. | ||
| What a fucking head of hair. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know. | |
| Gorgeous, right? | ||
| Go back to that. | ||
| I mean, I just look at that going like, God damn. | ||
| It's got a perfect head of hair. | ||
| Whatever DNA I didn't get went onto his side of the fucking boat, man. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Luxurious. | ||
| Ten years older than us. | ||
| I mean, that looks as good as this house. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Glorious silver locks with his numero one tequila. | ||
| Look at him. | ||
| Look at him! | ||
| All red from being out there golfing. | ||
| Who's having more fun than that guy? | ||
| Very few humans. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| It's the middle of the day. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's probably a Tuesday. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Just drinking, having fun. | ||
| Yeah, I went over his house out here, and we were supposed to go to dinner. | ||
| He said, come to your apartment. | ||
| Hang out in the apartment first. | ||
| So I go up to his apartment. | ||
| He's like, you want a margarita? | ||
| They got a pitcher of margaritas. | ||
| And then there was a girl who was just pouring margaritas. | ||
| I'm like, all right, let's do this. | ||
| We're doing this. | ||
| Okay, let's go. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's like he's always in Cancun. | ||
| He's living the life, man. | ||
| He is. | ||
| So we did this gig, and he hadn't done stand-up the entire time during the pandemic. | ||
| He hadn't done anything. | ||
| And he's like, man, I think I'm retired. | ||
| And he's thinking, I don't need to do this. | ||
| I had a long life, and I sold this, and I'm selling that. | ||
| I'm going to sell my this, and I'm going to sell my that. | ||
| He's got his money. | ||
| I love hearing that. | ||
| So we do this gig. | ||
| He fucking crushes. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| He hasn't done stand-up in eight months, right? | ||
| But he had been... | ||
| Like obsessively going over his material. | ||
| He'll pretend like he doesn't give a fuck. | ||
| He gives a fuck. | ||
| He's an artist. | ||
| He really cares. | ||
| But part of his art is not giving a fuck. | ||
| So he's going over his material. | ||
| He's got fucking headphones on, listening to his bits. | ||
| He's taking notes all day apparently. | ||
| Crushes. | ||
| I mean crushes. | ||
| Vulcan Gas Company, this place out here. | ||
| And afterwards, I get off stage. | ||
| He grabs you by the shoulder. | ||
| He goes, we are fucking doing this again. | ||
| He goes, whatever we got to do. | ||
| Whatever we got to do. | ||
| You're going to fucking open up a club. | ||
| We're going to make this happen, Joe Rogan. | ||
| I go, I'm going to open up a club, Ron White. | ||
| Don't worry about it. | ||
| We're going to make this happen. | ||
| He goes, whatever the fuck we got to do to do that again. | ||
| Because he got it fixed again. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bang! | |
| So much fun. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa! | |
| And when they went nuts when he went on stage, and they went nuts when he went off stage, and you could tell it's like he had a glow about him when he walked into the green room. | ||
| It's like he was just elevated. | ||
| Speaking of which, dude, I hate to cut this thing a little bit short. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Let's cut it off. | |
| No worries. | ||
| You got shows. | ||
| You got shows. | ||
| I've got to save it. | ||
| I appreciate you coming in here, man. | ||
| It was fun. | ||
| Yeah, dude. | ||
| It was fun. | ||
| Last night seeing you doing stand-up was a jolt in my arm, too. | ||
| It was fun. | ||
| It was exciting. | ||
| It was fun to just sit down and watch the show. | ||
| Dean Del Rey was hilarious. | ||
| Dean Del Rey's got some great bits. | ||
| It was really fun. | ||
| Really fun. | ||
| And just watching you two guys and watching your set, man, it was so enjoyable to see a guy who's out there in this touchy time. | ||
| Look, as much as we pretend we don't give a fuck, people are sensitive to criticism. | ||
| And this is a time where you get criticized. | ||
| And you get criticized in a ruthless, horrible way. | ||
| And people pile on. | ||
| Oh, he's a this and he's a that. | ||
| And I know people have done it to you. | ||
| But to see you out there fucking throwing haymakers. | ||
| Just haymakers. | ||
| It was fun, man. | ||
| You didn't take... | ||
| There was no corners cut. | ||
| You weren't pulling back any punches. | ||
| You were throwing bombs. | ||
| That's what everybody should be doing. | ||
| That's what everybody should be doing. | ||
| Whatever that version of you is, is what you should be doing. | ||
| Because I would never tell another comic what they should and should be saying. | ||
| And that's one of the most heartbreaking things about all of this. | ||
| I get it when it's just groups. | ||
| But to see other comics piling on, trashing other comics, I equate that back to like... | ||
| Back when they had the big, the red scare, and directors would turn in other directors and actors would go after other actors and shit. | ||
| It's just like, you are a fucking cowardly piece of shit to do that to another fucking, especially if you weren't there and you don't know what the fuck happened and you're attacked, you know, or you wait till something happens to them and it's your excuse to get your little bitter comment in about their fucking act. | ||
| You are a steaming pile of shit. | ||
| 100%, and I've cut a lot of people out of my life because of that. | ||
| I don't even talk to them. | ||
| One of those people came up to me, like, hey, Bill, how you doing? | ||
| You had a kid, and how's your family? | ||
| And I'm thinking in my head, like, you give a fuck that I have a family. | ||
| All it would take was one comment, and you would help fucking take me down. | ||
| Yeah, 100%. | ||
| Go fuck yourself. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| You're a piece of shit. | ||
| That's how I feel. | ||
| I couldn't agree more. | ||
| I'm glad you're out there, brother. | ||
| I love you. | ||
| I love you too, brother. | ||
| All right, man. | ||
| Goodbye, everybody. |
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