David Choe returns to The Joe Rogan Experience after years away, revealing deep-seated trauma—sent to Korea at age four without explanation—fueling self-destructive cycles: porn, gaming (Warcraft 2, Angry Birds), gambling, and overwork. His Congo journey at 18, driven by mythical obsession, nearly broke him under starvation and manipulation, while living with Tanzania’s Hadza tribe exposed his struggle with modern societal pressures versus their violence-free, physically resilient lifestyle. Rehab forced him to confront guilt and shame, like apologizing for reporting a roommate’s violations, but also taught him boundaries, even as he grapples with cultural expectations of stoicism. His journey underscores how trauma and privilege shape self-worth, leaving him questioning why he ever sought external validation over genuine change. [Automatically generated summary]
The actual filmmaking is kind of amateurish, but the subject matter is so dynamic that, like, you're in it.
And, like, the guy's a full-on gambling addict, you know?
And...
It's 12 episodes.
It could have probably been like four.
And the story's the same.
It's just, this guy didn't give me the best seat on the airplane.
This guy overlooked me in high school.
It's like all these slights and he takes it and he uses it as fuel.
And so I sit here and I go, I'm driving to Joe Rogan's right now.
I'm scared to be canceled.
And I sit here and I go, every fucking horrible thing that's happened in my life.
Physical abuse, sexual abuse, verbal abuse, spiritual abuse, prison, getting my career taken away or this or, you know, anything has always led to bigger and better.
That's, yeah, but that's just because you're a real person.
Like, you're not full of shit in any way, shape or form.
You might be crazy.
But you're a lovable crazy.
And when people know who you actually are, it's like you have these moments where things are uncomfortable and you're confronted with a bad scene, but then you rise above.
So I had this sculpture that I made and it was in my car and I just brought it out and I sat next to it and I said, I'm just going to prepare a little bit.
So I started preparing for the Joe Rogan experience and I started talking to this sculpture and I'm like looking, I'm like, you know, it's three o'clock.
I wake up every morning wracked with anxiety and nerves, and it starts immediately.
You're a piece of shit, you're no good, people don't like you, this and that.
And then, like, what did I say when you showed me my painting from 2018?
I immediately have to self-dep, that's not that good, I could do a better one.
So, I talk to my therapist about it, I say, I don't have a self, I don't have a high self-opinion of myself, and they go, well, An average human living in society today, from morning till night, will say thousands of horrible things about themselves.
Like, thousands.
Like, I'm not good enough, I'm fat, I'm ugly, this and that.
And for you to say just a few nice things, I'm like, one of those is some fucking Stuart Smalley shit.
And they go, Dave, for someone who's rebelled and like made your own rules and done everything your own way, it's so weird that you just kind of accept this.
They go, can, like what you just said, can great transcendent next level art be created without that thing, without that edge, without, with you pursuing joy and peace and love in your life?
And I go, you know what?
Never tried it.
I never tried it.
Why haven't you tried it?
What did you just say?
I don't know.
F-E-P-S-H. Fear, ego, pride, shame, humiliation.
That's why you never tried it.
Alright.
Fuck.
And I go, you know what?
I'll try it.
And today I'm the happiest I've ever been.
I think I might be a little bit sick because I'm sitting here.
Because I'm like...
Why would I risk how awesome my life is right now?
Even the way you describe your own anxiety and self-hatred, it's like there's a freedom to your expression that you would talk about on the podcast.
You would say the most embarrassing, humiliating shit, and you would say it freely and openly and then discuss why it's embarrassing and why it's humiliating.
And what you did wrong and what was fucked up about it and what you were thinking while you were doing, how you knew it was fucked up.
It was like riveting, man.
I remember I was parked in my car once and you and us, I forget what you guys were talking about, but I was like, Jesus Christ, I have to see how this plays out.
So I'm sitting there.
I didn't get out of my car for like five minutes just waiting for this conversation to play out.
I know, but what I said is, what you should do is, because you were talking about doing it again, and you're like, should I do it again?
Like, what the fuck?
My life is so good right now, should I do it again?
This is why, I'll tell you what I said over the phone, and I'll say it to you in person.
You should do it if you want to.
And the reason why you should do it if you want to is because the world needs more wild people.
The world needs more wild people.
People are goddamn scared right now, David.
They're scared.
There's a bunch of people out there that are terrified to be free.
They're terrified to express themselves because they're so worried about being attacked.
And that self-limiting and self-censoring is one of the real problems with social media censorship.
It's not just that you're censoring people for opinions you don't agree with, but it causes other people to self-censor because they're afraid of being cancelled.
It's just like, fuck, I'm trying my hardest to get back to drawing like a kid where I don't give a fuck, you know?
And people go, I like this stuff.
And for me, I'm like, man, I... People, oh man, that guy just got lucky.
Everything I come in, I come with like a killer attitude, you know?
So when I did Howard Stern, when I did your show, and I just started, I was like a year and a half.
I remember I met with Jason Kaplan, the producer of The Stern Show, and he's like, you know, we have a channel here at Sirius.
And I'm like...
Hold on timeout.
I've been podcasting for fucking one year and I'm gonna be on the Howard net like my head was like exploding I'm like so they offered you a show on their channel that we were talking about it And I was like getting pumped up and I was like I fucking knew I was awesome at talking I fucking knew this shit and and I go but what am I what are we doing talking about relationships I'm talking to a porn star.
I'm talking to this How do I take it to the next level?
How do I, like, when I close my eyes and I hear a podcast, oh, I'm going to interview this interesting person, and can you believe this person, and this shit, and it's facts, interesting things, story, weird anecdote, and I go, talking, talking, fuck!
Enough with the fucking talking, like, I'm a fucking artist.
I'm a fucking artist, like, I want to bring some shit to this.
I'll get triggered one day and I'll think of someone who's like my enemy, someone who's coming after me.
I'll be like, fuck this guy, fuck.
And I'll read all the comments and shit and it's like, Dave Cho is a piece of shit.
I'm gonna become my victimizer right now.
And the person I'm gonna interview is myself as a kidnap victim.
What?
So I gag myself.
I gag myself and then I become the person who just kidnapped me.
And I start screaming, Dave, you're a fucking piece of shit, because you fucking do this, and you steal, and you rip off people, and you're a fucking...
And so I'm listening to this stuff and my friends are like, at this point, there's no difference between you and the homeless guy on the street that's talking to himself, that's having a fight with his boss that fired him 20 years ago.
And they're like, these people are touched by God right now.
They're talking directly to God.
And I go, oh my...
And it stayed with me, you know.
I started teaching autistic children when I used to live in San Jose art.
I tried to help give back to the community, and my friend said, can you start teaching this kid Joseph?
And then I led to a network of all these autistic children that needed art lessons.
So I meet this kid Steven, and he can't put a sentence together.
Hi, Dave.
Oh, hey, come on, let's paint today.
Fearless.
And we go outside on my deck, and we look at the San Jose skyline, right?
Photographic memory.
Photographic, like...
Not to scale, like everything's off proportion, looks very like...
I come back, I go, okay, Steven, let's paint.
He starts drawing buildings, and I'm like, fuck.
And like this, like not looking, just like...
And like a...
Like some kind of weird...
And I go...
This fucking guy that can't put a sentence together is a genius.
He has a photographic...
Something in his brain is tapped into something that I'm not tapped into, and now some words are coming out of his mouth that sound like that fucking tongues kind of stuff.
You ever see that Jay-Z documentary where they show him like he never writes anything down?
So I go in the room and I go, right now, as someone who's never spoken in tongues or not hooked into whatever Jay-Z's hooked into and whatever my friend Steven, I'm going to talk.
That one went on for six hours.
Six hours of me creating an alien fucking language trying to talk directly to God, and that one 100% my friends go, you cannot put this out!
You have a fucking butt plug in your mouth, you're talking in tongues to God, you're kidnapping yourself, and...
But that thing, I was just joking around about it.
Was it the Post Malone thing?
What I was saying, I think that aliens would be so good at language, they would be able to talk to us in a language, and we would understand it.
That they would be able to figure out sound to the point where sound could embed information in sound with their super complicated language to the point where they could talk to you and you don't have to understand their language.
You don't think there's any part of you, that your fascination with it, that you might be like a sleeper cell?
No, I'm serious.
Like, what?
Come on.
I've heard all this, like, simulation theory.
What are the chances that this man with this beautifully shaped skull is born on planet Earth?
And whatever, there's probably some kind of block that's...
But then...
You become this person and you use the human voice to connect with sports, science, comedy, and then you amass an audience of hundreds of millions of people and I go, this fucker's an alien.
When I started doing Taekwondo, I had physical advantages that I recognized very early.
They're real advantages.
Like, some people just have extra speed, they have extra power, they have things that their body can do that's not warranted by the amount of effort they put into it.
There's that.
But outside of that, everything has just been being obsessed with things.
And that's a human characteristic.
That's not an alien characteristic.
A lot of it is like we have our own struggles, right?
Like your struggle is you tell yourself you're not good.
I don't tell myself I'm not good, but I'm never fully satisfied with anything.
Like anything that I do, personally.
Whether it's the way I behave, or the things that I write, or perform, or a podcast, or a stand-up comedy special.
You've had every single different kind of profession and weird personality sitting here.
And I was getting to the point in my podcast where I was getting pretty big guests, and I was finding myself dissatisfied, but unlike you, hating myself, and becoming very bored.
And I said, I'm not good at speaking because I have blind spots.
I stutter, I say like a lot, I say um, and I talk over people, and I'm trying to sort of wedge my agenda and try to get my point across.
And I go, if my consciousness, my soul...
Who's talking in this mic right now is...
What is the interview?
We want to learn about ourselves through another person.
We want to learn, you know?
And I go, there's a lot of people living inside me.
There's a lot of...
I'm like, oh, there's a guy here right now that's fucking puking on Van Nuys Boulevard.
And there's another guy that's super confident and cocky.
There's a short bus in my brain, and the person driving right now, today right now, is a confident, sober, mentally stable.
But on that bus, there's a racist Dave, there's a sexist Dave, there's a werewolf Dave, there's a trans Dave, there's a experimental butt plug Dave, there's many Dave's, and it's whatever attention I want to give them.
It's like a therapy tool where you're in a room like this with like five other patients and I don't know it could be like up to ten I guess and you identify one of the most traumatic moments of your life and that you can't you're stuck you can't you can't get past I can't get past My parents are divorcing.
I can't get past failing at the, you know, national, you know, whatever that moment is.
And so then...
You keep playing that on a loop in your brain and no matter what you do in life, that's always still going on.
And so it's a tool to rewire your brain.
So it's like, okay, you're gonna play yourself.
How old were you then?
16. Okay, so you're Joe Rogan, 16. Who was there?
My dad was there, my mom was there, my coach, you know, and then so all the other people play the roles of those things and then you just go through and then what happened?
And then this guy punched me.
Pause!
What are you smelling right now?
You go around the room and you just dissect the moment and you're like, so what did you need at that moment?
Well, I needed my dad to fucking step up for me.
But did he?
No.
So in this version...
Have them come in.
So you're rewriting history.
And I go home.
I've done hundreds of these now.
And I go, has anyone ever done a psychodrama with themselves?
Okay, I told you the other day, this is pre-quarantine, pre-panda.
I'm in the car with my dad, and we were going to our favorite Chinese restaurant in San Gabriel Valley, which by where we live should take 15-20 minutes tops.
We live in Los Angeles.
I look at the Google Maps, it says an hour and 10 minutes to get there.
It's primarily traffic.
My dad had a stroke two years ago, so he's got a kind of gimpy leg.
He sort of drags his foot, so I'm like his Uber driver now.
I take him everywhere.
And he's like a typical old Korean guy.
He likes to eat close to home, no lines, fast, in and out, done.
So we get in the car 5.30, 6 on a weekday night, and it's just traffic bumper to bumper.
And he's like, fuck, look at this traffic.
And the thing that added to this, which I didn't know, was it was the Academy Awards night.
The message from my parents was, don't piss off the white people.
Like, we need to act in a way that's, what's the other one?
Model minority.
We need to, we can't do anything that, like, upsets them, because we might get sent back on the boat.
You know, it's like, you need to act in a certain way, you have to dress a certain way, you have to comb your hair, you have to get a certain kind of job, doctor, lawyer, doctor, lawyer, and you need to act that fucking way, because we don't want to get sent back.
And so, yes, yes, Father, yes, Honorable Father.
So I'm sitting there and I'm feeling myself.
I'm feeling my race.
I'm feeling my dad.
And I'm like, we fucking did it.
Man, everywhere.
K-pop, K-food.
This tiny fucking country that's been under attack for generations is fucking dominating.
Now they'll like us.
Now they'll let us into the club.
And we haven't moved an inch.
We're still sitting in traffic.
And he goes...
I would trade all of that for us to fucking go home right now or beat this traffic.
Alright, whatever.
Cut to Academy Awards to...
What was that?
It was the Academy Awards and then when was the quarantine?
Two, three months later?
No traffic.
No traffic.
I can get to the beach in 15 minutes from my house.
It used to take an hour and a half.
I go, Dad, let's go to the beach.
Let's get the fuck out of here.
Sitting in the car, and you remember when the quarantine first started?
You saw families walking down, like entire families walking the dog, everything was closed, like there was no smog in LA. We fucking drive to the beach.
We're almost there, at a red light, and there's a guy walking his dog with his kid, and I get a kind of mad dog kind of vibe, like he's staring at me and our windows are down and I'm, I don't know, I'm always talking really loud to my dad because he's hard of hearing.
If you go over and engage some guy in a physical confrontation and he beats you to death, there's no comfort in the fact that his kid was there to watch.
You have to really...
People are so flippant about engaging in physical violence.
Maybe if I was by myself, maybe I would have been more quick-witted and had a snappy comeback, but...
Someone hasn't done that to me the last time someone did this to me.
I was probably in a third-world country 15 20 years ago and before that maybe I was a in in grade school and as a 44 year old man who's in a lot of pain that's been working on himself to heal it like hurt me.
But that's an intelligent thing to do nothing because you're paused.
Your pause is wise, because you can call it freezing, but you're stuck in an unwinnable situation.
If you go over and beat that guy's ass, like that is violence, it's dangerous, you never know how it's gonna turn out, you never know if he has a gun or a knife or...
But if someone shows you the stats and they're like, look, you choosing the words you want right now is causing violence towards Asian people in this country.
No, but I'm saying like that maybe someone needs to say it that way because you saying it that way and I didn't know that There was a stat that showed that violence against Asian people went up every time he said it then it makes That first of all, it has a name, right?
Yes Coronavirus COVID-19 it has name to call it anything other than that name.
It should either be funny or Or descriptive.
Now, if he calls it the Wuhan virus, that's really technically where it's from.
I don't think there's anything wrong with that.
But the problem is actual racism and actual violence.
That's the real problem.
Now, the other thing is when you're a leader, that's when things get slippery because then you can't just be a regular person.
Because if you're a leader, you literally can help other people.
Maybe he doesn't even realize it, but you really can change the way people think and behave.
When a really powerful person like him, the most powerful in the country, arguably, when he says something That prescribes unity, that promotes the idea of companionship and of friendship and of love and of support and camaraderie, literally can change the way people feel.
And also if he says something hateful, it'll change the way people feel.
Like we move, whether we like it or not, there's so many of us, there's 300 million in this country plus, and we move to inspirational words or angry words.
Everyone should have like a secret video of your friends staring at the phone, deciding whether or not to talk to you or whether or not to let it ring three times.
The idea that everybody has the same mind is ridiculous.
I know my mind is dogshit compared to Elon Musk's.
I've talked to him.
Everybody has different attributes.
Everybody has a different environment.
Everyone has different family life, genetics, influences, abuse, assaults, different things that have happened to you that have been horrible that you've had to get through, the loss of loved ones, all these different things.
They vary so much from person to person.
We have a rough idea of what it means if your mom dies when you're five.
We have a rough idea what it means if you got beat up when you were 13 in front of your girlfriend.
We have a rough idea.
But we don't know it until we experience it.
And everybody experiences a different fucking hand of cards.
And then here you find yourself, you know, whatever age you are in life, just still battling demons from your childhood and all fucked up from things that have been happening to you.
And you've never had a good path.
Your fucking brain doesn't work that good.
You've never had a thing that you do that makes you feel special.
When you paint and you get rewarded for that painting and people love it, there's a charge, there's a thing.
Some people don't have a thing.
They ain't got shit.
And that kind of person sees you on the side of them at a red light and says, go back to where you come from.
And that gets into your head and it fucks you up.
That's what they want to do.
They want you to feel what they feel.
When someone says something hateful, one of the reasons why it works is because you feel their hate.
It's like it comes off of them.
You get it on your system.
And that's one of the ways men intimidate other men.
When men are angry and scream at men and get in their face, what they're doing is...
They're not just puffing their chest out.
They're not just signaling that they're aggressive and violent.
They're getting their hate in you.
You have to feel it.
You feel it like a drug.
Like if someone's mad at you, and it's all about how much tolerance you have to that drug of other people's aggression and anger and resentment and jealousy and all the various toxic emotions that people have.
I'm sure you've dated crazy women, right?
I don't even have to ask.
So there's a moment in time when a crazy girl's yelling at you and they're mad at you and like, Jesus Christ, you're making me crazy.
It's getting into me.
Like, your crazy is on me.
It's like, ugh, I gotta get out of here.
It's fucking contagious.
And like a virus, it can change the way you feel.
And if you're in a fucking hive, if you're in just a hot spot of nasty thinking and behavior, you grow up in that.
Maybe you have an abusive family.
Maybe your dad beats your mom, and your mom beats you, and you beat your brother, and your brother beats your sister, and it's just fucking madness.
And then you have neighbors that suck too, and everybody sucks.
Man, that's as much of a virus as the flu.
It's a mind virus that gets out into the other people that are around you.
And you could be real lucky.
And you could live in an area of mind nature, a peaceful valley with a beautiful mountain and a creek that goes through it.
And that's the community that you're in.
You got lucky.
You grew up in a wonderful community with fantastic parents and great neighbors and your aunt...
Your aunt, your uncle come over, and everybody has good times, and, oh sure, there's a little bit of hardship here and there, but for the most part, people love each other.
It's, fuck, it's not fair.
It's not fair.
When that guy yells out at you like that, man, it's hard to internalize all this in the moment, because you are feeling his hate.
You know when you're in high school and people go, hey, pick a superpower.
Invisibility or flight.
I'm already invisible.
Being an Asian and growing up in the communities that I grew up with, I was invisible.
I don't even have a voice.
You might find this hard to believe, but I never talked growing up.
I was the kid in the corner, and girls would form groups and talk about which guy they want to fuck, and I wouldn't even be- They're like, Dave's sitting right there, and they're like, yeah, he's not even on the fucking roster.
So I go, wait, is this racist?
Yeah, but how can I turn this around?
What it did for me, the Asian superpower is, If you're not seen and you're not heard and we're seen as non-threatening, I can go anywhere.
I can go anywhere and people open up to me.
I've been to the Congo, I've been to third-world countries, I've been to every fucking state in America.
I might be the most American person.
Like, I've been to every fucking state.
I've hitchhiked from the time I was 15 to every fucking state, every country, and I've talked and because Would a black guy be able to do that?
Would a white guy be able to do that?
When people see, oh, that guy's Chinese.
He's like Jackie Chan or he's whatever they think.
They don't think that I'm going to do anything or say anything or I'm going to pose any threat.
So they just open up and they say the most...
I don't know like when I started hitchhiking people said no one's gonna pick you up right like 60s 70s everyone hitchhiked and then something weird happened in the 80s.
We're like you're gonna get raped kidnapped murdered, you know, but I go I don't think so I think if I put my thumb out and ask for help someone's gonna give it to me and with that I got to see the world for free I got to go everywhere and Much like What happened was I would sit shotgun and I'm getting these free rides and two things would happen either the driver has a long drive and they want someone to talk to or they want me to talk to them and Something would happen and like I'm in the car right now with
a complete stranger anything could happen and the first hour is always Small talk.
How long you been on the road?
What would you do?
You know, it's all that kind of stuff Something switches when they know the rides about like I'm about to get out or whatever and I'm never going to see this guy again.
I'm never going to see this guy again.
So now we've been talking about new sports and weather for an hour.
Last 10 minutes, I fucked my sister when I was 12. Whoa!
So I'm up, eyes are closing, bring him back up again, gripping the knife, and then sometime around 5.30 in the morning or something, my eyes are closed, but you know when you feel someone?
So he comes out of his room, and he's standing there, and I could see, and then I go, oh shit, and then I grip the knife, and I go, this is it.
This is it.
It's going to happen right now.
And he just leaves.
He goes out the door.
And I go, oh, fuck.
And then I wake up Brian.
I go, Brian, let's get the fuck out of here.
He's like, what?
What's going on?
He's like, dude, he just left.
He's like, okay, I'm going to take a shower then.
What are you talking about?
He's like, if he went to the store or something, he's not going to get some duct tape.
Yeah, he's not going to be back for a little.
I'll jump in and jump.
I go, dude, let's just go right now.
I don't know if he was jerking off or what.
I had my eyes closed, but he was standing right there.
And he's like, I'll be quick.
So he runs in, takes a fast shower.
We get our clothes on.
And just as we're walking out, he's like, hey.
He pulls in.
You guys leaving without saying bye?
I just went to the market to get some eggs for your breakfast, and I'm like, oh, fuck, dude.
So I'm like, I have a knife in my hand the whole time.
I go, uh, like, it's that thing where I'm a people pleaser.
You know, like, I'll even put my own life at risk to, like, this guy went to the store and got eggs for me, you know?
Like, uh, yeah, sure, we'll have some eggs.
So we go in, and the guy starts talking about His wife, and how he works on this offshore oil rig with a younger dude.
It's just two guys running this whole oil rig.
And the other guy just talks about how much he hates gay people the whole time.
And then he just, like all the other times I've been picked up, he starts opening up about how he was married, he has a bunch of children, and then he figured out he was gay.
And then he's like, I could see it.
He knows we're on our way out.
He's never gonna see us.
Let's just fucking let it off.
You boys look so cute on the side of the road there last night.
And it was like, I was so like...
I'm so lonely.
I don't get to, you know, you don't know what it's like to be a queer guy in the deep south.
And man, when I came out this morning and I saw you guys sleeping together, you guys on the couch, you look so beautiful and perfect.
And I'm like, oh my fucking God, dude.
And then he says, I thought about just, you know, if you guys wouldn't mind if I just touched you a little bit.
And I'm like, what the fuck?
And, you know, once again, I froze.
I'm like, oh, yeah, yeah, cool.
Yeah, so I said, yeah, we're gonna leave now.
So we just fucking booked it, and then all of his neighbors were black.
Like, he lived, like, in a black neighborhood, and, like, the houses are on stilts because of the swampland and whatever.
And I don't know if he's done this before, but as we ran out, I heard the kids laughing and they're like, oh, Tom, they're trying to do it again.
And I'm like, oh, fuck, this isn't the first time?
I'll bring it back to how that turned into Vice, but...
So I get on a plane, tons of lying and manipulating to get the visa because it wasn't open to tourism, it was only open to business.
And so I make up this story that I'm a bodyguard to a toothpaste executive and I work day and night to get a ticket to the Congo.
And there's no tickets.
It's this airline, Aeroflot.
And I'm in Israel, which is close to Africa, but because it's this Russian airline, I get on this flight, it goes to Moscow, and then Malta, and then like six other African countries, and then it lands in Brazzaville.
And the second I get off the plane, it smells horrible.
Because there's just burning trash everywhere.
And it's hot.
And it's oppressive.
And I go, what the fuck am I doing?
Why am I here?
And everyone there asked me, what are you doing here?
They don't speak English.
They speak French.
I didn't know that.
They're in the middle of a civil war.
I think the two factions were called the ninjas and the cobras, like little kids shooting at night.
Every third bullet is like a tracer bullet.
So it looks like fireworks.
I go, what is that?
And they're like, oh, they're just shooting into the air.
First breakout of Ebola, malaria and People go, why did you do that?
It's not normal behavior.
And I go, the LA riots happened in 1992. I watched normal civilization, normal civilized manners.
You know, this is how people are.
You go to a store.
I saw that crumble overnight.
In one night, it went from, fuck you.
Everything, let's burn down.
Let's rob, pillage, steal, everything.
I go, oh, it could happen that fast.
Once again that same kind of oh, I think I'm accepted in this country I think people like me for me and it's like no, we don't want you get the fuck go back to where you come from so I think You know and I could go on and on about all the traumas I've experienced in my life, but I hurt people hurt people I was in a lot of pain.
I was like I Didn't like Korean people.
I didn't like myself.
I didn't like I'd experienced a lot of abuse from black people and I just wanted to...
I didn't know anything.
There was no internet.
I felt like an alien.
I'm like, I don't belong anywhere.
I just...
So I would go Everyone goes, don't go to Bosnia.
Don't go to the Congo.
Don't go to the Gaza Strip.
I'm going to go every fucking place.
My life has been very reactionary.
My life has been like, you don't tell me what to do.
You don't tell me how to podcast.
I'm going to stick a butt plug in my...
I'm going to do what...
I'm in the Congo and...
It's in a full-blown war.
There's people being—and everyone's like, who are you?
Who is this blonde Asian here?
Like, I had my hair dyed then, too.
And so I could go and tell a million stories about the Congo, but at some point— You were looking for this brontosaurus for real, or you just wanted to go to the Congo as well?
I know the kids like to say 100%.
I've heard you say it too.
Why not 99% just to leave 1% for it down?
99% I was there for the dinosaur.
I was so young and dumb and stupid and ignorant where I truly, truly thought I was going to find it.
I didn't know enough about...
Everything made sense to me.
Because...
Anyone listening to this right now, we're talking about a story from 20 years ago, right?
I was a stupid kid.
I believed in Santa Claus very late, you know, like I was a bedwetter.
I'm fucked up, man.
So, when I finally did get to the jungle, I got out of Brazzaville, and I got to this jungle area called Hueso.
Then I believed.
Because the spiders are this big, and the frogs are this big, and How big are the frogs?
Just everything looks insane.
The snakes.
They got snakes out here this big?
It was like, okay, now I believe.
Every year, scientists were finding a new species of something that they thought was gone.
That I think I want to say his name is Chris, that was a Peace Corps guy.
And he was there to help build welds in this Bantu village.
And he said, the place which you guys are looking for, he's like, it's a, you're not going to find a diamond.
You know, he was like the reasonable one.
And I go, how do I know if you don't try?
You know, I still believed.
I still wanted to believe.
I was willing to risk my life for it.
So we get...
I haven't fucking told this story in so long.
So we get to the jungle and we start walking.
There's a minor trail and then it disappears.
It's just gone and I'm like, we're fucking lost in the jungle.
We're lost in the jungle.
So...
I'm with this guy that...
What we told people, he was here to fuck as many women as possible, but we went with the story of he is the toothpaste executive and I'm his bodyguard.
That's a fake bullshit story.
As we're lost in the jungle, he starts to think that story is real.
Hey, go fetch me a pineapple.
I go, dude, I'm not your...
He's like, you're not a real executive, bro.
And he starts telling me...
I'm like, hey, you know that was a fake story, right?
And there's no one around.
So we get lost for days and he starts to really be like humiliating towards me and right on my nerves and we had rations.
We went in with some crackers and some like tuna in a can thing and I go, hey man, we're fucking lost.
I don't know how to survive.
We need to ration this food out.
I come, he ate it all.
He ate it all.
And now like Have you ever been in that kind of situation where you're like I'm gonna die here like I'm never gonna like hope is gone like I'm in a thick thick Congolese jungle like I don't know how to get out and we've been lost for days like I don't know how to survive I don't fucking know how to like This is it, you know?
And like things are bumping into the tent at night.
Like huge insects.
And like...
And I'm like...
I'm gonna die here.
I'm gonna die here.
So...
The few times in my life where I've been in this kind of hopeless situation, the only thing that's going to get me out of it is if I can control my mind.
Because I'm falling into despair.
And in the daytime, I'm doing stand-up to the trees.
Because we're just walking in circles and I'm like, hey, how are you guys doing all tonight?
There's a disease called bilharzia, where there's snails under still moving waters, and the second a mammal steps in the water, little fucking parasites shoot off the snail, like heat-seeking missiles, and they go in your dickhole, and then you piss and shit blood till you die.
And I'm like, okay...
I tap out.
So they're explaining all the trek and the way to go find this dinosaur.
And I'm like...
I went up until the leeches.
And then when I came out with the leeches, I go, alright.
Dude, when I got to this Bantu village, and Chuck, his name was Chuck.
Chuck, if you're listening, I know it's 20 years ago, long blonde hair, from Oregon, Peace Corps guy.
He got malaria while we were there.
And he goes, please contact Francois.
And I go, who the fuck is Francois?
And he goes, he's in the jungle.
And this isn't in the Congo village.
This is the Bantu village.
And he goes, you go down this tree.
So he's deep in the...
But this is still near a village.
It's not, you know...
So we go into the jungle, and there's like a giant Victorian French, like, European house in the middle of the fucking jungle.
And I'm like, how did this happen?
And he's like...
So we go in there, and Francois is just like some fucking weird French dude that just said, I'm gonna stay here.
He had like 12...
Bantu wives there's all these like half black half white babies crawling around and he has a ham radio and he's like what's going on I'm like Chuck is fucking dying can he said to come contact you he's like okay I'll contact the aircraft carrier and they'll send a chopper in for him I was like oh shit,
but yeah, that's that's the one time I saw a French Victorian I don't even know how to describe the architecture It was like a beautiful French home in the middle of the fucking Congo jungle Yeah, there was a website dedicated to those people that tried to do that.
I mean, think about just getting by as a hunter-gatherer with the crazy bow that you have to pull back and you're running through the woods all the time.
Dude, these motherfuckers are so in tune with nature that they'll make a bird sound and they're talking to the bird and the bird will show you where the honey is.
He takes out a slingshot, a pebble this big, bam, hits a fucking bush baby out of the tree, breaks his leg, breaks his legs, puts it here, and he's like, snack for later.
Everything is talking, they're...
It looks like they're just goofing off and playing, but they have some, what do you call it, microbes and gut biome kind of things in their stomach that no one else on the planet has.
So the translator's explaining to me, Canadian scientists come and literally steal their shit.
They find them and they steal their shit, and I'm like- Their actual poop.
Guy sticks his fucking hand in the tree, scoops that out, starts eating it like it's a fucking hamburger.
Bees, and I'm like, bro, I'm cool.
No, no, no, come on, come on.
Like, we've been doing, there's a kid doing this, right?
Yeah.
I go in, one sting, ah!
My fucking hand inflates to like a Mickey Mouse like it's just I'm like you've been getting stung since you were a kid so you're like immune to it and They're just doesn't bother them.
They're biting that honeycomb like it's a snack and all those bees were on his head his hands and And the thing you never see in all the National Geographics and all the nature documentaries is that.
It's always serious.
And here's the Hadza warrior.
And here's, you know, whatever.
These guys crack, you know, they're like, do you want to come with us tomorrow?
Like none of your eating Clif bars and hanging back?
When they throw that thing on the fire and you see all the fur burn off and he's like in the Christ pose, it looks like human.
So the next day I'm like, alright, I'm getting my endurance up and they're like, we think you're more of a gatherer.
Why don't you hang back today?
Because they were like humoring me.
And I was like, okay, okay.
And I brought all my art supplies with me.
And the kids are like, they use the beeswax and they make little sculptures and they take little, you know.
I'm like, these kids are awesome.
So I fell in love with the kids.
I'm like, I'll adopt all of you.
And they're like, we have...
Parents.
I was like, alright.
So I brought all these art supplies with me.
I got markers.
I got watercolor.
And, you know, we're in the desert and it's all brown.
I mean, not the desert.
We're in the bush.
Everything's brown.
And so I got all these bright blues and reds and the kids went nuts.
Like...
When you give kids art supplies like and I'm just watching them like this is fucking amazing and the day just went by I just gave art lessons and like Just someone who's never seen art supplies that must be fucking insane and I'm yeah And I'm asking them like what you know and they're drawing like the hunt they're drawing because they've never seen TV They've never they don't have any of the visual like stuff that we grew up on so everything is pure from that perspective and in my head I'm like I cannot wait to get home and show this to people.
And maybe we can do prints and books and sell it and help you guys.
And they go, okay.
They show, you know, everyone comes back from the hunt.
They show and they go, we're on top of this, this cliff, the cave.
And they just throw it.
Hey, what the fuck you guys doing, man?
I was gonna, you know, in my head, it's like, come home, frame it.
You know, there's a memory of my time there.
They're like, oh, nomadic.
You don't guys...
We were present.
We created it.
We lived it.
We enjoyed it.
Bye-bye.
Like, what am I going to walk around with a fucking canvas and paper?
I met a Spanish-German couple there that has a nice bed and breakfast kind of thing.
Not in that area, but a little bit away.
And the guy raises his kid like at nice private schools in Germany and then on the summer times he comes and the kids in their underwear run around and they hunt with the tribe.
Well, obviously neither one of us is a biologist, but if you think about it, if you're living in a completely natural way in the middle of I mean, what a crazy biosphere.
There's so much life there.
There's so much life there.
You've got to imagine there's so much bacteria life too, right?
And if you survived to 2020, like your ancestors got you to 2020 living like that, you have to be robust.
So all those people that do live there, they're probably just a superior version.
And I'm sitting there and I'm thinking with my western brain, dude, if I take you back, you guys are gonna be the toast of the town fashion models.
If someone trains your both thing, like you could be in the Olympics or maybe you could be a fucking baseball player or Well, how about runners from there?
There's one part of Africa in particular that's responsible for a tremendous amount of long-distance runners, and they had a Radiolab podcast about it, and they said that it was because of their ability to endure pain that they had a ritual, a coming-of-age ritual, where they would circumcise the men with a dull knife and have them crawl naked through thorns.
They did some hardcore shit to these guys when they were young to get them to just be able to endure pain in a way that most people are just incapable of.
They've developed a tolerance to pain because some of their rituals...
The episode's called Cut and Run.
It's really crazy because this guy talks about it, but he also says...
Because he had gone through it himself, and he also said he doesn't want to do it to his son.
Yeah, I talked to a dude once who shot an elephant over there.
I was like, whoa, like, why?
And then he said, well, first of all, the reason why they do it in the first place is because some of these elephants will make their way into towns and start eating in the village and eating all their crops.
So they want someone to come and shoot it.
And I'm like, oh, man.
That's a crazy argument.
There's certain animals that I feel way worse when they die.
The mismanagement of the animals there is like the – they were already gone by the time I got there, but where he used to keep the elephants, the bars are like this thick.
And the elephants were so like depressed and just from – like they didn't have an actual zookeeper that knew how to handle them, so they would just keep them locked up and like not – The elephants would fucking headbang the bars.
These bars are like this thick and they'd be bent like this.
Like, do you think they actually taught him to make that shape, or do you think they taught him to paint himself, right?
Like, if you could show an elephant, like, this is the shape I want you to make, and it's the shape of an elephant, if you drew it for him, and you said, recreate that, I'll give you fruit.
It's interesting, man, because like you're hanging out with this elephant, and you're feeding him, and he goes to you to try to eat, and then you're petting him, and then you could wash him, and he's enjoying it.
He's enjoying that you're doing this, and then Then, after all that, then you ride them.
I don't like the riding part.
If I had to do it all over again, I'd be like, I'm good.
Yeah, people who, if you didn't know what an elephant was, and someone was describing, if it didn't exist, and someone was describing it to you, and they said it was off in the jungle somewhere, you'd be like, what?
What is it?
A leftover dinosaur!
You know, we were trying to figure out the other day and we forgot to check.
How old are crocodiles?
We were saying that crocodiles are dinosaurs, but the dinosaurs supposedly were killed off 65 million years ago, right?
Are crocodiles something that actually survived before them?
I had that moment of clarity and all the chaos of I need another thing in my life to show people that the gambling wasn't a fluke, the art wasn't a fluke, that I'm not just lucky, that I'm talented, that I am enough.
The anger is like, oh, I'm gonna be on fucking TV now and I'm gonna fucking kill it.
And I was like, My life's pretty dope right now.
I don't know.
And dope like on the surface, like underneath, you know, I'm just a cauldron of suffering.
But I said, I think I'm not going to take this one.
Well, isn't it a Bill Murray quote, I want to be rich and famous, and he goes, why don't you just try the rich first and see if you want to add the famous to it or something like that?
But my answer to it was, try to dye your hair the same color as your skin so people don't see your bald spot.
And then I have a dark week where I'm just like...
I'm fat.
I couldn't keep up with the tribes, the Hadza tribe.
That's so funny.
Getting old and well, it's when you go, I haven't seen you in a while.
You look fucking great, man.
Thank you.
Like you're always been in shape, but I've tried trainers before.
Like I think I told you last time and thank you for talking me out of becoming a UFC fighter.
You know the Korean zombie?
And I go, why do they call him that?
And it's like, because he can take a punch.
That's my special skill.
Every fucking fight I've been in my life, and I've lost most of them, I think I told you that, I never tap out.
Like, you have to break my arm.
I've had my face disfigured.
So, I don't know.
That was stupid.
I'm not going to go into UFC fighting, but...
I go, I, when I think of myself as a person, I remember myself being relatively athletic, in shape, and when I go, oh, my hair's going, I'm being fat, I can't run as fast as I can, I go, I need a trainer.
I need help.
But what kind of trainer do I need?
The one like you where they're like, hey, every morning here, it's sort of like sergeant drill style or more, hey, Dave.
So I went with both.
I went with the hard ass that shows up at my house.
Can I tell you how I feel when I listen to the Joe Rogan Experience?
Because I leave you on all the time when I'm painting.
I was listening to you when I painted the thing of you.
I do feel extreme gratitude because I'm like, Even though I've listened to Joe for hundreds of hours now and there's tons of stuff I do disagree with him, thank God he exists.
He doesn't have much of an ego.
You've always uplifted me, promoted me, all your friends.
We're talking about the tribes, and then we're talking about how soft we are, and we're talking about how they have awesome poop, and people are trying to steal that poop.
You know, I got diagnosed with severe antisocial personality disorder traits.
And I said, what does that mean?
Why don't I have the actual disorder?
And they're like...
Because we've never met anyone that's so fucking hard on themselves.
Like, what's the first thought when you meet anybody?
Like friend, foe, anyone?
It's fuck you.
You think that all day.
Fuck this guy.
Fuck you.
Who the fuck?
Fuck.
But the strange thing about you is you actually have friends and people like you and you have a lot of people that love you and you love a lot of people so we can't diagnose you with the actual disorder but you fucking have a lot of So you would see people and just say, fuck you immediately?
My parents sent me away since I was a kid, so I have a really weird thing with authority or even anyone saying, hey, David, are you open to a suggestion?
Yeah, sure.
Let me hear it.
And the second they open their mouth, I'm like, fuck you.
And I got Warcraft 2. And Warcraft 2, the interface for the kids out there listening...
It's like god interface.
Like you're little peasants and paladins and you're moving them around where Warcraft 3 is more 3D. What the fuck am I explaining video games?
And I got on there and because the entire world was waiting for Warcraft 3, no one was playing Warcraft 2. So I was the god of Warcraft 2. You know when you go on online games, you get a game really quick?
Because for me, you know me, I don't smoke, I don't drink, I don't do any of that.
But I fucking...
I've been to over a thousand AA meetings...
And I don't drink.
Why do you do that?
I'm like, because I can't stop porn.
I can't stop video games.
I can't stop gambling.
And I know that they have meetings for that too, but they're harder to find.
They're more shameful.
There's less people.
And if I go to an AA room and I'm talking and there's a guy speaking about how he got clean from alcohol, I just listen to him and every time he says alcohol, I replace it with porn, video game.
And I'm like, and not just that.
I'll do that in a last case-ditch scenario.
But I'll go to all the meetings.
I go to all the fucking meetings.
And so I'm sitting on Warcraft 2 and something's missing from my life and my rage and my anger and all my addictions and my mental illnesses are coming out in this Warcraft game.
And I find this map that's perfect.
It's a small map and it's called Paintball and it's just everyone dies.
Everyone has one hit point.
So one hit and you're dead so it's more like a chess speedball game.
So the games don't last more than 15 minutes.
You have one peasant, one paladin, and one wizard.
And I killed at that game.
I killed every- And within five minutes, you know, like the way it goes, you bring down a blizzard storm and you build a cannon tower or whatever, and you know if you're gonna win.
And this is before- Within five minutes?
Because it's a fast game.
Everything moves fast and you don't have to wait for the wood to chop.
It's really fast.
I've never fucked with those games.
This was before the earpieces.
So within five minutes, the game is sort of on auto, so you know who can do the things the fastest.
Then I start talking shit.
I'm going to skull fuck your parents, you dumb motherfucker.
This is a kid.
And I'm like, you know the way people talk, all their demons come out.
And I'm playing kids, and they're like, what is a skull fuck?
I am a horrible person.
And then one day, I was the king of this map.
Like, in this one area in my life where my art career is kind of going good, but not really, and I don't know how to be in a relationship, and I'm just sort of lost in my mid-twenties, I don't know who the fuck I am, I don't...
In this game, I am God.
I'm God, like, and I'll go out, and I'll be checked out.
Couldn't believe you could see it's crazy because you had never seen anybody fuck before then like you kind of knew what vaginas looked like because of Playboy and breasts look like but there's something about watching people actually have sex you like your whole body take it when you're a 14 year old kid and you see that it's like a drug right like a drug that it's not it's not like a drug it is a drug drug I mean, for the kids out there that...
You just don't take it in a pill or a smoke form, but it's a drug.
We have VHS and a beta machine because my dad chose wrong and then we had to eventually get the VHS. And my grandmother is watching WWF wrestling.
So you got to understand the dynamics of a tiny home.
So my grandma, my two brothers, and my parents, and someone is always home.
Someone is always home.
So this thing's burning a hole in my pocket.
I gotta watch it, but when can I watch it?
So I finally put a plan together.
I go, I'm gonna watch this.
And I don't even know how to masturbate.
I don't even know what that is.
I have no sex education.
I go, at dinner time on Wednesday.
I'm gonna eat my dinner really quick.
Run to the fucking living room, and so it happened.
So we're eating dinner, and hey, slow down.
Why are you eating dinner so fast?
Fucking scoop up the rice, get some kimchi.
Okay.
Hey, can I be excused?
Like, no, we're having family dinner right now.
What's going to tell me?
No, I'm good.
I'm good.
I run to the fucking living room, and you can, it's not that far.
I don't live in a huge house, so you can still hear the silverware clinking like they're eating.
I pull out the, there's like a Disney movie in there, I pull out the VHS, I put in my thing, there's the FBI warning, I'm fast-forwarding, I'm like looking, I'm looking, I'm fast-forwarding, and you hit play and fast-forward, and then I see tits, and it's, and she's wearing jeans, and then, oh my god!
And now I'm like, god damn, I gotta find a place in my house.
Anyways, I could go on and on about- Your brother's a cock blocker.
He's a cock blocker.
He fucking cocked me, blocked me from myself.
So I bring this up because this is- This is what we had to do to bust a nut back in the day.
It's not that hard today.
It's everywhere.
So I meet this 20-year-old kid, and he goes, I'm a virgin?
I've heard your story before, because your story is every old guy's story.
My story is, my mom was watching me.
She left the YouTube video, Baby Shark or some shit up, and she went to the bathroom, and I clicked Pokemon, and then it was Pokemon cosplay triple anal gangbang.
And that's the first thing I've ever seen at age four.
Is this also like back in the day when YouTube used to have it set up?
Did they have restrictions back in the day?
Because when things first started going up, there was a lot of people sneaking things in that weren't supposed to be on there, and then they would catch them.
Burned programmed into my young mind isn't a still image with a woman with a huge bush.
It's fucking anal penetration.
That's my first image and as the addict craves novelty as you get older you need more and more.
So by the time I'm 13 I need prolapsed anus stuff.
I need transsexual.
I need gay sex.
So he says, this kid is 20 years old.
He's never had sex.
He's like a simp, incel, whatever they call him.
He uses Viagra to get half hard.
He can't even get fully hard.
And his life is just scrolling.
It's just porn, video games, porn, video games, porn.
And it's...
We could sit here and we could laugh at it, and I have laughed at it, but that's a problem.
That's a problem.
So if I take it back to when I'm 24, when the technology was way less, I missed my first deadline.
I was late to work.
I lost that girlfriend, not just because of that, because of other issues too, but...
I didn't get up for one weekend from Friday to Sunday without pissing, drinking water, and at some point, I had found this guy, this arch enemy on this Warcraft game.
He'd win one, I'd win one, one more, one more, one more.
He'd win one, one more.
And the guy was like a British guy who had a wife and kids.
He's like, bro, I got a life, dude.
And I'm like, fuck you, pussy.
We go, we go, we go.
Hours.
Hours.
I'm seeing fucking wizardry in my mind.
I'm seeing paladins.
I feel like God.
When I finally got up, I fucking collapsed.
My legs were gone.
And then I almost had to call 911 because they just wouldn't work for an hour.
And I called my friend who's a doctor and they're like, you're dehydrated.
Go drink some water.
And if Jamie just Googles Korean video game overdose, it's always a Korean.
The addiction that most people, if you play whack-a-mole, you're like, yeah, I used to be addicted to sex, gambling, da-da-da-da-da, and I jump and I jump and I'm addicted to this.
The one where you can hide in plain sight where everyone pats you on the back is workaholism, right?
I could work all day and night, and in this culture, you get pat on the back.
Asian culture is the same, except if you fail, You either kill yourself and you're an absolute disgrace.
In Japan, the suicide rate was really high.
Now it's in Korea.
But your identity is tight.
Who are you?
Oh, I'm...
A podcast around this.
You are only what your job is, and if you're not good at it, then what's your drug?
Oh, I'm gonna fucking just zone out in this video game PC room.
My life's not going well.
There's a man and a wife in Korea.
I saw this in some documentary that They would keep going to the internet room to play this video game like where you virtually raise like The Sims or something like that that they forgot to feed their own kid and their kid died and they went to jail for it and then when they went out it's like this is a fucking problem.
This is like a real problem and We live in a culture where there's things that are accepted addictions, right?
If you fucking do opioids and heroin and like...
I've been to those rooms, man.
I see how they treat people.
If you're like a heroin addict, there's a hierarchy.
You're a real drug addict.
But if you smoke weed, come on, man.
You're not going to OD from that.
But...
If you look at the amount of people that kill themselves now, like it's almost normalized and how many of my friends have done that, how many people that you know that, and especially during this pandemic, the suicide rate's gone up like crazy.
That's a fucking real problem, man.
And people, when I think of Bourdain and I think of myself and even starting the show off giving you compliments, we live in a culture that doesn't know how to...
When people go, don't shoot the messenger.
The messenger, people say that because the messenger gets shot.
We don't know how to ask for help.
We don't know how to receive help.
We don't know even how to give help.
Like, if I try to help one of my friends who's like addicted to video games and jerking off, get the fuck out of here, Dave.
But when someone comes to you and says, hey, I need help, that's when things get serious.
Because other than that, you're forcing...
I have friends that I would like if they did things differently in terms of their health.
I can't say anything to them.
You just have to accept it.
This is what it is.
People come up with their own excuses, their own reasons.
You brought this up earlier, and I wanted to ask you now.
You were talking about...
Like physical stuff like you get angry and get anxiety because like you don't you let yourself get overweight like How much does that fuck with you and how much would you give to not have that anymore?
Like isn't that wouldn't I mean if there's one major thing that keeps fucking with you over and over again that you could fix I have That's a fixed one.
I have a chasm, a black hole, that it doesn't matter how many women I have sex with, how many porn I've jerked off to, how much money I've gambled and lost and won small fortunes, huge fortunes.
I have had an eating disorder, which is like, I thought that was...
Girl thing.
That's what I thought like I got to When I went to rehab for gambling addiction This is the first rehab I've went to I've been to every fucking rehab mental health wellness center in America now.
I Said hey, do you guys deal with process addiction?
And the other guy sure come over and when I went there There was only meth heads there.
They didn't even know they just wanted my money.
Yeah, just come over here and I learned they're like serious gambling addiction Like, one out of four kills themselves.
Yeah, it's the reason why there's no balconies in Las Vegas.
The only place that has balconies is the Cosmo, I think.
And they had, like, two suicides the first month they opened, I think.
Because you're...
So I'm like, I have things that when I talk about it, it's funny.
Can't stop jerking off.
I can't stop working.
Just fucking got an Emmy working for Vice and I got my podcast and I got this and I got this next project and my next art show is going to make a million dollars.
Why are you choosing to look at it in a negative way?
In the way you're describing it right there, but something must be fucked up with me.
I go to the jungle, I'm doing all this crazy shit.
That's one of the things that makes you interesting, is this extreme real curiosity.
You have a real curiosity and a willingness to do wild shit like go to the Congo and look for a fucking dinosaur and sleep in a tent where all this shit's crawling around.
So, I... I can't like you meet people and you're like you're wired this way and You can't teach an old dog new tricks and that's just Joe Rogan that you see today in his 30s and his 40s and 50s It's gonna still be that but a little different version of that when he's 56 and I meet these guys I mean most of these places are very expensive and the people that end up there are It's like everyone has cut them out so they have to be there
or they lost their job.
So I'm usually the youngest guy there.
I'm independently wealthy so I can pay for it.
And I'm looking at these guys that have everything.
They have all the money, all the fame, everything.
Acting right, acting like the model minority, acting like the good little Asian boy got me nowhere.
When I talk a fool, when I do whatever the fuck I want, when I fuck, when I fight, when I gamble, when I act crazy, I get television deals, I get on Howard Stern, I get on fucking Joe Rogan, I get fucking sold-out art shows, women...
Do you think that you are the victim of the attention that you were getting?
Do you think you leaned into it and it became who you decided you were because that was giving you the most love and people got a kick out of the fact that you genuinely didn't give a fuck.
But the one thing that you've got to know is you can't fix any of the shit that happened to you.
That's a real problem.
Because the shit that happened to you was titanic.
For that to happen to you at four years of age, as you're growing up and developing, to hit a horrible situation like that at four, Through no fault of your own.
All of it makes sense.
It's what we were talking about, that everybody doesn't starve from the same spot.
You know?
And it's what makes, unfortunately, it's what makes people so goddamn interesting sometimes too.
Whether it's Joey Diaz, or whether it's you, or most of my friends that are really interesting had these fucked up lives that you would never want to wish upon your kids.
If the goal is to be happy, The problem is a lot of people are doing things to be successful because they think becoming successful is what makes you happy.
It doesn't always.
Sometimes you feel empty and you feel angry that you spend all your time working for something that you don't even appreciate when it's over.
I'm not going to say anything because what is that?
That's nothing.
That's a, oh, you hurt me with your words?
But I go, but it did.
Your words hurt me.
And, well, you're not allowed to feel that.
And yet I do.
I feel shit.
And my whole fucking life is reactionary to stop that by building walls and come up with these coping mechanisms.
And I go...
Teach me.
I want to fucking learn.
And they go, you're not gonna like it.
And you already know, because I already talked about here, step one was I was like, I'll do anything.
And they're like, it's not gonna happen overnight.
And then someone said, there is something that will happen overnight.
Ayahuasca.
I'm like, I'm in.
I'm an addict.
I want it quick.
I love you because you do fucking psychedelics.
I don't know what kind of person you would be if you didn't.
It changed my life.
I did ayahuasca when I was 35 years old, so almost nine years ago.
It fucking the the trip I had in the jungle in Colombia and they told me this isn't gonna change your life But it'll kick the doors open for you to begin to become a different person and We're sitting here.
We're sitting on fucking microphones.
There's this and this there's other dimensions.
There's shit and it's like I can't I'm I'm telling you I agree with everything you said I when I exercise I feel great when but I there's something I I'm an addict.
I'm a fucked up.
I can't But teach me I need something besides and this is why I said when I listen to all the motivational stuff and I and I get fired up I go yeah if I just fucking got up and push myself and I go but that's not me I Need something more and I'm gonna fucking be curious.
I'm gonna search and so I get to a place where they go Dave you turn everything into a joke you lie a lot right starting with What's an every guy answer to how are you doing?
I don't care if your dad just died or you just got a divorce.
I could have had the worst day right now and if you asked me how are you doing, I'd say, good.
I'm okay.
And that would be a lie.
So I go, what?
I'm gonna go to a place in Mississippi.
I'm not gonna say the name.
I don't know if there's like lawsuit shit, but I went there and it's a mandatory place For crooked judges, Congress, doctors, lawyers, and they have to be there, and they have to relearn, rewire, or else they don't get their licenses back to practice.
And I was the only one there by choice.
I didn't have to be there.
And so I get there, and they go, why are you here?
And I go, I can't stop thinking a certain way.
I can't stop lying.
I can't stop exaggerating.
I can't stop storytelling.
I can't stop, period.
I have uncontrollable behavior.
I'm impulsive, and I don't like who I am, and I'm suicidal at times.
And they go, we're going to do something here.
So they took the yellow stick-it pads, and they wrote...
No joking.
So they put one on here, and here, and they go, no more joking.
They go, we know that this place that you're at right now is not how the real world exists, but while you're here, and by the way, you can leave at any time, we're gonna ask you to change your behavior.
Okay, so you know, through everything else you've achieved in your life, if you practiced, you'd be awesome at it.
But you said the same thing.
That's funny, Dave.
You're going to keep asking me to paint.
I'm not going to do it.
I know who I am.
I get obsessed and whatever.
When I walked off the stage at UCLA, I did two hours improv and I invited Harris Whittles, rest in peace, he's not here anymore.
I invited comic writers and I said...
Shoot me straight.
Like, don't do the, like, Dave, you were great.
They were like, you fucking killed.
You've never done comedy before and you killed for two hours.
There's some rusty parts, but if you just kept the reps in, and then similarly, I've always, always wanted to be in a band, right?
So MCA from Beastie Boys passes away, and then Money Mark, who's been touring with them for 20 years, is out of work.
He's a friend of mine.
And I'm like, I've known you for a while.
Why don't we fucking make a band?
I formed the band Mongchi with Bobby Lee's brother Steve Lee as the singer and Money Mark.
We fucking tour the US and we sell out like two small like two, three hundred seater clubs and every fucking high school like rock band fantasy is fulfilled and at our last show I think Bill Burr was there.
I'm like we're playing here in Los Globos in Silver Lake And I'm playing to this sold out 200, it's all my friends, my family, there's comedians, there's porn stars, and there's like a super famous, you know, one of the most famous rock band lead singers in the audience, and he's like, can I talk to you after the show?
I'm like, yeah.
And he's like, I play to like 20, 30,000 seat stadium people now, and what you just took me back to was our first days when we started, I would do anything for that.
And I sat there and I was like, wait.
Joe Rogan told me, like, I don't think he's bullshitting.
He thinks I could really do this comedy thing.
I felt like on fire when I was on stage.
This guy's telling me if I just keep touring and I keep putting out videos that at some point I'll be selling out 500, 1000 in five years.
And I go, I love playing music.
I love comedy.
And I think I've tasted just enough where I don't want to fuck...
These things take time, man, to fucking perfect it and craft it.
You've done this for thousands of hours.
I said, and this is all after I've done a lot of work on myself, I'm like, I'm going to walk away from this.
As someone who doesn't know how to say no, and I have that overachieving attitude, I'm like, why not?
Did you have a good time on stage doing that?
Yeah, I loved it.
Did you love when people laughed?
Yeah, it was like a drug.
I felt it.
Do you want to keep doing that and the torture of coming up with new material and the bands if you don't...
I'm like, I know myself well enough now that I'm going to stick to one thing at a time.
I'm gonna tell you this story, and I could tell you jail stories, porn stories, I have all these stories, but the fucking weirdest shit that I've ever done in my life was to go to this place, and it's like an intensive outpatient place, so I have an apartment with a roommate.
I haven't been a fucking roommate in years.
And they go, in the time that you're here, once again, voluntarily, you can leave at any time.
We're going to ask you to fucking do everything you say.
It's counterintuitive to who you are and the way you're wired.
But we're going to ask you to tell the truth.
And just fucking, and I go, yeah, sure, I can do that.
I don't even, I haven't even checked into my apartment.
I'm opening the door.
I go in.
There is a man that's obesely overweight sitting on a couch in his fucking tidy- He looks like he's naked because his gut is covering his white underwear.
And so I've never been to a place like this where every person there, no matter what you say, they put you on a lie detector at the end of the week.
They go, cool.
Cool story.
And I'm like, wow.
They want to hold you accountable.
They really, really want to...
You got to be on...
So...
So I'm like and then so I become friends with this guy over the week and like I'm like okay cool I hope he still likes me and he goes Dave you're not like anyone else here Everyone else here is like some kind of professional and like you got the weird hair you dress like a homeless guy like Are you famous or something?
I feel like I've seen you somewhere and I'm like no and I had just taken a class on how to Hold a boundary and stand up for myself.
I said Walter While we're here together, I'm going to ask you, just know me as David, your roommate.
And if you want to Google me when we leave here, and the thing is, everyone has different privileges.
One of his is he doesn't have a phone, so he couldn't look me up or whatever.
I'm going to ask you, this is my boundary.
Please just know me as your roommate.
And if you want to look me up when I leave, you know, it's like, okay, I could do that.
I get home that night.
I fucking knew I saw you on TV, man.
You're the Facebook guy.
You're the fuck, you know.
So my normal, okay, cool, whatever.
I asked you.
You didn't do it.
And I go to my room.
And I'm like, fuck, man, that really chaps my heart.
So he goes, he starts getting really physically threatening.
And part of what I love about wearing masks now is, I don't know what your interaction with your fans and public have been since you've become famous, is people try to break my hand when they shake my hand.
And then they hold it, and then I, you know, normal, and then they hold on to it, and they do a little squeeze at the end.
I go, what the dick flexing shit was that, you know?
Weird flex, bro.
And so, and then people do the close face talking, and I hate, so this guy's like, you know, he's using his girth to just like, intimidate you.
And I'm like, and I'm like, this is during Corona or no?
No, this is like years ago.
And I say, you know what I would love, Walter?
If you told on yourself.
If I didn't have to.
Because that's one thing you could do.
And he gets really angry and then he calms down.
And he goes, I'm going to do it, Dave.
I'm going to do it.
I'm like, yes, fuck yeah.
I'm changing as a person.
I'm learning skills.
I'm learning tools.
We go to community the next morning.
And I'm waiting.
We're going in a circle.
And I'm like, fuck dude, do it.
I don't want to call you out, bro.
And he goes...
Yeah, I got something I want to put on the agenda this morning.
I had an interaction with one of the other patients here, and we worked it out, and I'm going to take care of it.
And I was like, what?
What the fuck was that?
And I go, hold up, hold up.
Hey, Walter fucking, I asked him not to Google me, and the therapists are like, that's a complete violation of the anonymity rights here, and da-da-da-da.
And he's like...
And now all the information.
This is your 12th time fucking violating a patient's...
He tried to fuck the roommate that was in the room before me.
The guy was sad and he was giving him a hug and he tried to finger his butthole when he was giving him a hug.
He doesn't have phone privileges, so he asked another patient, can I use your phone to call my wife?
He calls his wife.
And then that's what he says.
And then he gives the thing back to the phone to the other patient.
And then 10 minutes later, he starts getting dick pics from Paco, his Mexican boyfriend, that he only fucks when he's on meth, right?
And pack your bags and, you know, your wife's gonna pick you up tomorrow morning.
And I'm like...
So I go...
This is me.
I'm like, I did the right thing.
And I go immediately to shame and guilt.
I'm like, fuck.
I take the...
I become...
It's my fault.
He's getting kicked out because of me.
Like, oh, fuck.
And I raise my hand again.
I go, I don't feel safe sleeping in that room tonight.
Can I... Oh, some other guy's like, yeah, you could crash on our couch.
And I go, okay.
So I'm like, wow, this is crazy.
Like, I'm standing up for myself.
I haven't ever done this.
I haven't ever spoken this way.
And I kind of get what's happening.
If I could learn how to speak like this to strangers, maybe I can come home and finally talk to my mom and have a boundary with my parents.
Asian parents are fucking boundaryless, you know?
So that night, I'm like, fuck, I could get my toothbrush.
I get some stuff in the room.
And my friend's like, dude, we'll go get it somewhere else.
Why are you playing with fire again?
I'm like, because I like it when it hurts.
And they're like, dude, the guy is totally made up in his mind.
He's getting kicked out because of you.
I just got to go to my room, and I just got to get my toothbrush and a workbook and something.
And they're like, don't do it, don't do it.
I'm like, I have to.
And it's like, do you?
Do you have to?
I'm like, okay, maybe I don't have to.
So I go up.
He's like, I'll just wait here in case something goes bad because that guy can get violent.
And I go in the room and he's sitting there and he's like stewing.
He's like stewing and he's like watching like the final episode of Breaking Bad.
And I'm like, hey, what's up, man?
And I'm just like sort of go to my room, get my shit.
And then I had to do it.
Like I'm almost out the door.
And he's like, I was trying to guilt me.
I was almost out of here, Dave.
You had to do it, huh?
And I was like, look, man, I don't know you.
We've known each other for like a week.
Like, I don't have anything against you.
I'm just trying to get better.
I'm a sick person.
I can say that.
I had a hard time saying that.
I had no voice.
I'm a sick person and I'm willing.
I'm fucking helpless right now.
I'm desperate.
I'm going to do anything right now to fucking get better.
So if it means I got a tell on you for Googling me, if I got a tell on you for watching Breaking Bad because you like to do meth and suck Mexican guys' dicks and vice versa.
And so I get a little cocky.
I get a little...
And I go, same thing like the hitchhiking.
Like I know I'm never going to see this guy again.
I go, hey, Walter.
You've told me the whole time we were here, you always gotta end shit with, I'm not gay, but I'm not gay.
Did you ever think...
That maybe instead of like hiding who you are, finally divorcing your wife and like, you can go to like the gay parade and wear crazy shit and just be out.
You don't have to, because his whole thing is I only do it when I'm on meth.
You don't have to use, hide behind meth anymore.
And he chuckled a little bit and like in my head I'm like, oh cool, I'm like maybe making, maybe some of these words are getting in.
And he's like, alright.
And so I felt good, like it felt like, so I leave and then I stayed at this place for six more months.
And during this time I got to like learn and become like a better version of myself and learn new tools and like even these people forgot how to have fun.
They're like lawyers and doctors and it's like entitlement out the roof.