June 19, 2020 - The Joe Rogan Experience
03:22:20
Participants
| 
| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
| Kyle Dunnigan smoking marijuana. | ||
| This is dangerous. | ||
| Is it? | ||
| You're gonna go crazy. | ||
| You think? | ||
| Yes! | ||
| Don't you watch those movies? | ||
| Oh, I forgot about that. | ||
| Yeah, pot drugs will make you crazy. | ||
| They'll make you nuts. | ||
| Are you talking about those old videos, the old-timey black and white where they literally have- Reef of Madness. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Do you know where those were funded by? | ||
| Who? | ||
| William Randolph Hearst. | ||
| Was that right? | ||
| Yeah, that piece of shit. | ||
| He was a piece of shit, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Rosebud. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| And his daughter brought a gun into a bank. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Why? | ||
| Maybe she wanted to protect her money. | ||
| She's rich as fuck. | ||
| It's not like she's robbing the place. | ||
| Do I have the wrong person? | ||
| Patty Hearst. | ||
| Patty Hearst. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Must be related, right? | ||
| What is she, the granddaughter? | ||
| I think she's the granddaughter because she's too young to be the daughter. | ||
| I like that we have no information. | ||
| We have none. | ||
| Let's go with it. | ||
| But let's broadcast it to millions. | ||
| Write this down, kids. | ||
| Get a pen. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Patty Hearst. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's an interesting story. | ||
| Well, William Randolph Hearst is also the reason why there's wild pigs in California. | ||
| Why is that? | ||
| Because that asshole brought them to his ranch. | ||
| He wanted to have a menagerie. | ||
| I think that's the correct term. | ||
| Menagerie of animals. | ||
| He's a nutty person. | ||
| You could visit Hearst Castle. | ||
| It's this crazy place. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I want to go there. | ||
| So Northern California has kind of an infestation of wild pigs, and it's directly because of William Randolph Hearst. | ||
| Really? | ||
| The pigs that left his compound just started fucking and running through the woods. | ||
| There it is. | ||
| That's the place. | ||
| I feel like you could solve that, the bow and arrow. | ||
| No, it's very hard to solve. | ||
| Wild pigs are the hardest animal to solve in terms of invasive species because they fuck like crazy and they breed like three times a year. | ||
| So one pig can have like three litters in a year. | ||
| Pigs love to fuck. | ||
| They love it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I've always said that. | |
| They're dirty pigs. | ||
| There's something in Hawaii where they had some infestation and they brought in this other animal to get it, but they brought the wrong... | ||
| Animal, and then that became the infestation. | ||
| Again, something I don't have enough information about. | ||
| Yeah, I think you're incorrect about that. | ||
| Because for something that could kill pigs, it would have to be a big predator, like a cat. | ||
| Oh, no, this wasn't pigs. | ||
| This was like a different infestation. | ||
| Why? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It was slightly related to your story. | |
| Well, I know they did that in Australia. | ||
| Australia fucked themselves up hardcore. | ||
| They brought in animals to kill animals, and those animals wound up running amok and killing everything. | ||
| That's what always seems to happen. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They brought in cats, like house cats. | ||
| They have an infestation of wild house cats in Australia. | ||
| Well, it's kind of cute, though. | ||
| I mean, it's better than... | ||
| But it's sick, because bow hunters are, like, paid to hunt cats. | ||
| Like, people are paid bounties for house cats. | ||
| So in Australian hunting magazines, you'll see guys holding up a house cat... | ||
| What do you get per cat? | ||
| I don't think you get a lot. | ||
| Can't live off your cat? | ||
| It's not like beaver pelts or anything like that where it's really valuable. | ||
| How high is this going to make? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Super high. | |
| We're already gone. | ||
| We're already gone. | ||
| Really? | ||
| I hit it four times, man. | ||
| I'm already not starting off with a lot of IQ points. | ||
| I can't... | ||
| We don't need IQ points. | ||
| We're spitting facts, son! | ||
| Yeah! | ||
| About wild animals. | ||
| Fucking wild cats. | ||
| You're the one who told me about the mustard weed. | ||
| And once you said that, I can't not see mustard weed. | ||
| Isn't that crazy? | ||
| I think it came from Russia. | ||
| That crazy, beautiful, yellow weed that covers the hills in California. | ||
| It's really pretty. | ||
| It looks awesome. | ||
| I thought it was pretty until you told me it was a weed. | ||
| Now I think it looks gross. | ||
| Isn't that weird? | ||
| You call one plant one thing, another plant. | ||
| It's a fucking plant. | ||
| You know, like, we're really racist with plants. | ||
| We are. | ||
| We're plantists. | ||
| You know, we're plantists. | ||
| So if you see, like, a beautiful green grass, but it's got some weird, like, daisies popping up, people get mad at those daisies. | ||
| They're nice. | ||
| Fucking daisies ruining my grass. | ||
| They'll go pluck them. | ||
| Rip them out of their life. | ||
| Fuck you. | ||
| You're not what I want. | ||
| Yeah, they're very... | ||
| I have a bunch... | ||
|
unidentified
|
What's that? | |
| They want uniform. | ||
| Just all the grass. | ||
| Right, right, right. | ||
| Isn't that a weird thing that we do a lawn? | ||
| A lawn is a weird thing. | ||
| How so? | ||
| We're controlling nature on a large scale in our own community, our own little yard. | ||
| We have a little spot and we lock it down. | ||
| We want that grass nice. | ||
| We want that grass nice and cut and clean. | ||
| It's a thing. | ||
| People sit back. | ||
| What is happening with grass? | ||
| When you see grass, why does it make you feel so good? | ||
| I don't play golf, but I feel good when I see a golf course. | ||
| I see all that green, like, oh, that's nice. | ||
| I guess it is. | ||
| It's uniform. | ||
| You could walk on it. | ||
| There's no danger. | ||
| It's nice for your feet. | ||
| But it's also, you controlled that shit. | ||
| Like, men took that grass and bend it to their will. | ||
| Yeah, that feels good. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Fuck you. | ||
| Yeah, fuck you. | ||
| Only grass. | ||
| Fuck you, trees. | ||
| You ever go weeding? | ||
| Yeah, fuck trees. | ||
| People chop trees down. | ||
| Fuck off, tree. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't want you there. | ||
| Is that the manless job of a lumberjack? | ||
| Oh, for sure. | ||
| How many chick lumberjacks are there? | ||
| Three. | ||
| Those gotta be the toughest women on the planet. | ||
| Lumberjack chicks? | ||
| It's like female MMA fighters like Amanda Nunes and then lumberjack chicks. | ||
| After the chainsaw, though, it's a little bit like... | ||
| It's still dangerous as fuck. | ||
| You gotta do it right. | ||
| Things go wrong all the time. | ||
| People get hit with trees. | ||
| We've talked about everything I don't know anything about. | ||
| Me too. | ||
| I don't know what I'm talking about. | ||
| Maybe people never get hit by trees. | ||
| I'm pretty sure they do, though. | ||
| I think it's actually pretty safe. | ||
| It turns out lumberjacks never die. | ||
| They live older than everybody. | ||
| No, I think they die all the time. | ||
| I think, well, if you see a fucking tree, like a big-ass oak tree, my god, that's a lot of weight. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That thing could crush you so easy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| If you fuck up and it takes a bounce and it hits somebody or, I mean, I don't know how you chop trees down. | ||
| But you're just dealing with so much weight. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah. | |
| I can imagine, like, if someone fucked... | ||
| Like, if you don't know what you're doing, you're an asshole, and you just bought a plot of land, I'm gonna be a farmer! | ||
| And you start fucking chopping down trees by yourself. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You could kill yourself. | ||
| Easy. | ||
| You gotta do the wedge. | ||
| I know what I'm talking about. | ||
| I don't know what I'm talking about either, but they do have a method to it. | ||
| But I wonder how many women... | ||
| That would be a crazy reality show. | ||
| They probably have already done it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Female lumberjacks. | ||
| Yeah, they do that weird thing where they climb a pole real quick. | ||
| They do lumberjack contests. | ||
| Yeah, I remember those. | ||
| You run on a log. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, in the water, right? | ||
| That comes up a lot when you're crossing a stream. | ||
| That's a lumberjill lumberjack. | ||
| Oh! | ||
| Is that what they call them? | ||
| I just looked it up. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| I don't need to be disrespectful. | ||
| I just talk a lot of shit. | ||
| Not a lot of guys wanting the lumberjill... | ||
| Calendar. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Right. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Lumberjack. | |
| Oh, there they are. | ||
| Some big-ass women. | ||
| Big, strong women that'll fuck you up. | ||
| You like a strong woman, Joe? | ||
| Hell yeah. | ||
| A big, shouldered? | ||
| I don't want to check if you can't carry things. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| These are girls that are throwing axes and shit. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, that's a tough stock. | ||
| If you wanted to make like a warrior child, you find one of them women. | ||
| Yeah, they can get through a winter. | ||
| Hell yeah. | ||
| Yeah, they can walk to the road. | ||
| Did you find a Lumberjill TV show? | ||
| I think he did. | ||
| See, we just took a guess and there's a fucking show about it. | ||
| There's a show about everything. | ||
| You know, there's like a fun game you could play where, like, try to name and come up with an app that doesn't exist. | ||
| And it's actually going really hard. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| I would imagine there's a bunch of wizards, like really smart kids, sitting around trying to do that right now. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I didn't take the picture with the sword. | ||
| Is that the end? | ||
| You can take a picture with a sword. | ||
| Awesome. | ||
| And don't you have like this like whiskey you give everybody? | ||
| Do you want some whiskey? | ||
| Is this too much? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Sure. | ||
| No. | ||
| Come on, Kyle. | ||
| A little bit. | ||
| I haven't seen you in forever, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know. | |
| With the Comedy Store embargo, it's just beautiful to be in the room with you. | ||
| I know. | ||
| It actually is really nice to be with humans. | ||
| It's fun! | ||
| Oh, it's so nice to be with comics. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Doug Stanhope said this best, and I quote him all the time, but it really is a great quote. | ||
| He said, I could quit comedy, but I couldn't quit comics. | ||
| Oh, that's nice. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| When I'm around normies? | ||
| Normies. | ||
| Yeah, normies. | ||
| I started dating. | ||
| This was my big year to date. | ||
| I've been focusing on career stuff, whatever. | ||
| And I'm like, I'm gonna date in 2020. Wow. | ||
| This is my big year. | ||
| And then the COVID. Yeah. | ||
| But I got on apps and I met a couple of girls I was chatting with. | ||
| Bored out of my... | ||
| I mean, sweet, nice people. | ||
| But just when you don't know someone, it's not gonna have to do with them being a comic. | ||
| It's like, if you've never met them, you're not, you know, hooking up and having dinner or whatever. | ||
| Just to talk to a stranger on the phone about their cat, it's... | ||
| I had to end all that. | ||
| Some people don't know what it sounds like when they talk. | ||
| They just drone on. | ||
| And they don't seem to know. | ||
| And you're like, oh my god, you're killing me. | ||
| You're not even paying attention to that. | ||
| I can't take what you're saying. | ||
| Yeah, read the room. | ||
| You just blah blah blah blah. | ||
| Some people just have some shit in their head and they're gonna get it out. | ||
| They're gonna vomit it out onto your ears. | ||
| It's abuse. | ||
| Does it feel like abuse? | ||
| It doesn't matter how long it takes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, it's all coming out. | |
| And they're gonna repeat themselves, and they're gonna make a big deal out of shit that's not a big deal, and you're gonna want to run through a fucking wall. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But you gotta listen to all that nonsense. | ||
| Why is it so maddening? | ||
| It feels like your life is passing you by and you're dying. | ||
| Well, it is maddening, but the good thing is, what it really does, I'm a bright side of the, what is it? | ||
| What's that expression? | ||
| The bright side of the coin, I believe it is. | ||
| That's not a real expression. | ||
| I mixed up my expressions. | ||
| The glasses came down. | ||
| I'm a glass half full person. | ||
| The glass half full of coins. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| This is the good stuff, right? | ||
| This is the good stuff. | ||
| Buffalo Trace. | ||
| Someone's got to put a little cap on me. | ||
| Dude, I'm so hot. | ||
| I forgot what we were talking about. | ||
| No, I feel bad for any listener. | ||
| We want to make a public apology. | ||
| Yeah, already we fucked this thing up. | ||
| We're both having trouble thinking. | ||
| To 2020. To 2021. The greatest year of all. | ||
| What do they call it? | ||
| A mulligan? | ||
| Those dudes who play golf? | ||
| Oh, do you get another one? | ||
| What's a mulligan mean? | ||
| You get a do-over. | ||
| Let's just scratch this whole year. | ||
| That'd be great. | ||
| I like to toast to things people don't agree with. | ||
| Like at the last minute, they've already come in and you should be like, to 9-11! | ||
| And then you've already clinked. | ||
| How rude. | ||
| I know. | ||
| I think there's going to be a lot of good that comes out of this year. | ||
| I really do. | ||
| I like talking about positive stuff. | ||
| What are you thinking? | ||
| Well, I think people are realizing that society... | ||
| And civilization hangs on by a thread in some cases. | ||
| And when a series of events can happen, it can derail our life radically. | ||
| And I don't think people were really aware that that was possible before. | ||
| I think there's a lot of things going on. | ||
| There's a lot of competing mindsets and competing ideologies, and there's a lot of anger going on in the world right now. | ||
| And then there's this fucking fear that comes with a pandemic. | ||
| Pandemics ramp up everything. | ||
| This is how you have to think about it. | ||
| We're thinking about it as just a pandemic, but it's also there's a mind disease, like a fear disease that's sweeping through the land, too. | ||
| And I feel like your resources are being used up in so many different directions that it's like you're a little overrun. | ||
| It's one of the reasons why people are reacting so violently to things lately. | ||
| Everything is just ramped up. | ||
| And I feel like... | ||
| There's like a certain level of other things that you can tolerate in your life when you have so many things compounding and piling on top of each other. | ||
| It's like the reason why they say that people get road rage is because it's not just you're in a car and someone does something stupid, but your senses are heightened because you know you're going 60 miles an hour. | ||
| So you're very aware. | ||
| It's a very different feeling. | ||
| I didn't even consider that when I first heard about... | ||
| I thought road rage was just people being a pussy. | ||
| Like you're being mean while you're locked in this little box because you know nobody can say anything to you. | ||
| But it's not just that. | ||
| It's fear. | ||
| Because you're fucking driving fast and it's like if everybody fucks up, if someone's texting and they're going into your lane, you could die. | ||
| So because of that, because we have this in our head, it causes us to be like extra ramped up. | ||
| And I think that's how we are right now with everything. | ||
| Because of COVID, even if you don't have COVID, even if you're not worried about COVID, what it's done is it's made everybody ramp up. | ||
| So everybody's almost got road rage. | ||
| So everybody is like a little bit more stressed out than they've ever been before. | ||
| A little bit more ramped up and everything gets exaggerated and everything gets blown out. | ||
| And there's so many more instances Of scary things that you're being seen in the news, and so few instances of really nice things. | ||
| And it's like, fuck, what a weird combination of things to try to manage. | ||
| Yeah, I've never raged before in my life. | ||
| Like, screamed and raged. | ||
| And then when this thing happened, it took me where I had a few times where I raged. | ||
| It's understandable. | ||
| It's totally understandable. | ||
| Yeah, but it's totally understandable. | ||
| I mean, we're all expected to manage our energy and our anxiety and we're expected to do it perfectly. | ||
| We're expected to be exactly who we were four or five months ago before all this shit happened. | ||
| I think that's crazy. | ||
| I think people are under like mad fucking weird stress that we've never experienced before. | ||
| Right. | ||
| The economic stress, the stress of the virus, I think we just need to fucking make a collective global effort, a collected effort to just be nicer to each other. | ||
| I think it's possible. | ||
| I think we can realize that, yeah, look what can happen. | ||
| Look how sideways everything can get. | ||
| We just get lost and go in the woods. | ||
| Or, let's work together. | ||
| It's like, what do you want? | ||
| Don't you want nice neighbors? | ||
| I want nice neighbors. | ||
| So if I want nice neighbors, don't I want a whole nice city? | ||
| Don't I want a whole nice community? | ||
| Don't I want a whole nice country? | ||
| Why is that impossible? | ||
| It feels like people aren't communicating well recently. | ||
| Or hearing each other. | ||
| I think some people are trying. | ||
| Some people are trying. | ||
| It's just that it's hard to do. | ||
| There's too much of our time is spent communicating on social media stuff. | ||
| It's too much time. | ||
| It's too one-dimensional and it's too frequent. | ||
| So it's too many interactions where you're not getting real Real human feedback. | ||
| You're not getting real love. | ||
| You're not getting real friendship. | ||
| You're talking just to the ether. | ||
| Like you're typing things into glass and you know on the other end someone's gonna interpret it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But it's just the worst way to communicate and that's most of what people are doing today. | ||
| So the most ineffective, unemotional, unconnecting way to communicate is the most common. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And that's why we're acting like fucking nuts. | ||
| That's part of it. | ||
| Do you think we can back off that? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| How do you back off that? | ||
| Gotta get a flip phone. | ||
| That's been the problem the whole time. | ||
| Flip phones just have to get better text recognition software or voice-to-text recognition software so you can just talk your messages into a flip phone. | ||
| So all anybody can do is text you and call you. | ||
| Just leave me off of everything else. | ||
| Group text. | ||
| People are just too worked up. | ||
| They're too worked up about everything. | ||
| Some things they should be worked up about, but the problem is there's no balance. | ||
| Because it's almost all the stuff that they're angry about, because that's what they want to text and tweet and Facebook about, and very little of the stuff. | ||
| Like, what's the ratio of, like, really cool stories that make you feel good to, like, another horror in the news? | ||
| What's the ratio? | ||
| 90-something to one. | ||
| 90-something to one. | ||
| There's a new one. | ||
| There's a cloud of dust that's coming from Africa across the fucking ocean. | ||
| It's gonna wipe us out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| This year is like the devil scripted this entire year. | ||
| What does this do? | ||
| African dust. | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| I didn't know dust could fly that far, all the way across the ocean. | ||
| Isn't that crazy? | ||
| Where is it right now? | ||
| We're at DEFCON 5 or some shit. | ||
| What happens? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I just read it. | ||
| I was like, oh my god. | ||
| And they said Yellowstone's ready to blow. | ||
| That scares me the most. | ||
| The most! | ||
| The most! | ||
| We're pretending. | ||
| We're over here pretending that this is all permanent. | ||
| It happens a few times a year. | ||
| Does it really? | ||
| It's fairly common. | ||
| But what does it do? | ||
| Is this blown out of proportion for the news? | ||
| I think just the headline sounds crazy. | ||
| The headline sounds terrible. | ||
| The one I found says it's a silver lining, so it's actually kind of maybe a good thing. | ||
| It signifies a very dry layer in the atmosphere. | ||
| And hurricanes don't like dry air. | ||
| So why protect against hurricanes? | ||
| Oh, well that's good. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Oh, see? | ||
| We jumped the gun. | ||
| That was a great story. | ||
| How about that? | ||
| How about hurricanes? | ||
| How about the fact that every fucking year the sky becomes a monster and eats people? | ||
| It fucking throws cars through the air and shit. | ||
| Every year it happens. | ||
| And it's getting worse, right? | ||
| And the fire's getting worse, right? | ||
| See, they say that, and it makes sense that it's getting worse. | ||
| And this is not an excuse for, like, the carbon emissions. | ||
| This makes it sound way worse. | ||
| Oh my god, an enormous cloud of dust from Africa, Sahara, appears to be heading for Texas, Louisiana, and Florida. | ||
| It's like it's a missile. | ||
| And then they show a dust storm, like, taking over a city. | ||
| Oh my god, is that really what it was like? | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| I mean, that's not what the other article I just read. | ||
| Show that video, though. | ||
| What does it say? | ||
| Massive dust storm turns the sky red in Sundanese capital. | ||
| Somewhere way far away from that. | ||
| Oh my god, man, look at that. | ||
| That was in Mission Impossible 4, I think. | ||
| Was it? | ||
| Yeah, he was on that sky rise. | ||
| He got caught in the dust storm? | ||
| And that was coming, yeah. | ||
| Dude, imagine living there and seeing that coming. | ||
| You're like, oh my god, I'm gonna be breathing dirt for the next hour. | ||
| Like, how long does it last? | ||
| How long does a dust storm last? | ||
| Do you imagine living there, man? | ||
| You gotta go to the grocery store, and you're literally walking through a dust storm, so you're dressed like one of them dudes from Lord of the Rings. | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| You dress fucking scarves across your face. | ||
| No, the guys in Star Wars. | ||
| What are they called? | ||
| No, the ones who lived in the dirt, in the sand people. | ||
| Sand people, yeah. | ||
| I don't think that was their name. | ||
| There's also the little ones. | ||
| You talking about the little ones? | ||
| Yeah, there was a bunch of them. | ||
| Those were the... | ||
| Ah, damn it. | ||
| But those sand people. | ||
| No, Ewoks were the fluffy ones. | ||
| But who were the sand people? | ||
|
unidentified
|
The Tusken Raiders. | |
| Yeah, maybe that's it. | ||
| The Tusken Raiders. | ||
| I think that's it. | ||
| They're called Jawas. | ||
| They're called Jawas. | ||
| Are they? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| That sounds right. | ||
| I'm going to go with Jawa. | ||
| I believe you. | ||
| I think we should do a whole podcast of things we kind of know about. | ||
| We're already doing it. | ||
| We're already doing it. | ||
| I don't think, man, I mean, look, there's no way that the weather just stays the same. | ||
| It doesn't stay the same. | ||
| It's never stayed the same. | ||
| It doesn't, but we have to listen to climatologists. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| Yeah, 100%. | ||
| I don't know why it drives me nuts, but I just... | ||
| But this is my point of view, legitimately. | ||
| We have a bigger concern. | ||
| One of the bigger concerns is we're not prepared if anything goes sideways. | ||
| And that's what we're finding from this COVID thing. | ||
| We're not really prepared if things go sideways. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And we definitely should be protecting against the human impact on the climate change. | ||
| It's real. | ||
| We really have fucked up the earth. | ||
| However, even if we didn't fuck it up, this place is so unstable. | ||
| Even if it wasn't us, the asteroids, the hurricanes that just exist and have always existed, earthquakes. | ||
| We just don't live long enough to see enough of these to be scared of them. | ||
| Because our lives are so fucking short. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And the life of the earth is so long that all these tectonic plates... | ||
| Like, when we go to a mountain, like, wow, that's really pretty. | ||
| Look what happened. | ||
| It's alive! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And things moving right now. | ||
| There's lava under it. | ||
| If you saw, like, 10,000 years a second, you would just see the whole earth. | ||
| Just boom, moving. | ||
| Oceans come in and out. | ||
| And it's constantly doing that. | ||
| It's always done that. | ||
| We definitely should stop fucking up the world that we're living in. | ||
| The world that we exist in. | ||
| But even if we didn't, this is so dangerous. | ||
| This whole place is covered with predators. | ||
| We are just super lucky we killed most of them off and boxed ourselves away. | ||
| And some people forgot. | ||
| Except for those pigs. | ||
| We've got to figure out that asteroid. | ||
| We're not looking at enough for the sky. | ||
| I think we're looking at 3%. | ||
| Dude, and you get different answers from different folks when you ask them how long it would take before they could deflect something. | ||
| I think Neil deGrasse Tyson, what did he say, 10 years? | ||
| Do you remember? | ||
| You gotta figure out how you're gonna do it. | ||
| Jesus Luizus, bro. | ||
| Jesus Luizus. | ||
| If it's too big, there's nothing you can do. | ||
| If it's too big, there's nothing you can do. | ||
| But I... I don't know. | ||
| We could get a... | ||
| You have one week to live. | ||
| Just could come on the news today. | ||
| We just saw this asteroid. | ||
| They said the Mayan calendar is supposed to technically end next week. | ||
| Oh, Jesus Christ! | ||
| That thing always comes up, though, and it's never anything. | ||
| You know what shocks me is when you have the leader of a cult, and they have doomsday, and they have the date and the time, and they all go outside, and they sing, and it doesn't happen, and then that guy convinces them to stay, and he goes, no, it's a different day. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| And they all just... | ||
| There was a guy who was taking out billboards. | ||
| There was a billboard in Woodland Hills on Ventura Boulevard, and it had this fucking billboard, and he had a bunch of them all over the place. | ||
| But it had this billboard that showed the very day the Earth was going to end. | ||
| It was like it had a date on it. | ||
| Do you remember it? | ||
| I want to say it was somewhere around April or May. | ||
| Oh, not sure. | ||
| Scientist says, reading Mayan calendar predicts end of the world this week. | ||
| The 21st is what they said. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| Whatever. | ||
| That's horseshit. | ||
| That's the New York Post, bro. | ||
| I'm listening a little bit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They're trolling you. | |
| The Post is trolling you, son. | ||
| I like that we listen to people who just put leeches on people to cure them. | ||
| Yeah, according to the sun, actually. | ||
| You know what, man? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, the sun. | |
| They did have a weird culture. | ||
| The Mayans had a weird culture. | ||
| I don't know much about it. | ||
| I know the temple. | ||
| Didn't they kill virgins? | ||
| I don't think they killed – well, who knows? | ||
| This is great. | ||
| I don't know about this topic. | ||
| I don't know if they really know what exact people they killed. | ||
| They killed a lot of people. | ||
| But what's really interesting is how beautiful their structures were, like these amazing structures. | ||
| I thought one of – their pyramid, like those big steps. | ||
| I thought one of them was for murder for their crops. | ||
| They've speculated that there were certain platforms that they would do sacrifices on. | ||
| The Aztecs did, I think, the most sacrifices in one day, or it was like a couple of days. | ||
| They killed somewhere around, I want to say more than 80,000 people they sacrificed when they completed one of the temples. | ||
| How do you kill that many people? | ||
| Did they bury them or something? | ||
| They just killed them one after another. | ||
| That takes a long time. | ||
| The victims of human sacrifice by Mexico's ancient Mayans who threw children into water-filled caverns were likely boys and young men, not virgin girls, as previously believed. | ||
| So, wow, they would human sacrifice by throwing children into water-filled caverns. | ||
| I could see how they could help, though, your crop. | ||
| Can you imagine that, though? | ||
| Like, you believe in superstition so much, you want to drown a kid so that the crops come back. | ||
| That's a sign you, people feeling out of control, they don't know the answers to something, they can't figure out. | ||
| But how crazy do the people in almost all religions, especially the ancient ones, they lean towards these really ridiculous things like that. | ||
| Whose sacrifice... | ||
| First brings that up, like, what if we do this? | ||
| Kill our kids. | ||
| Yeah, make a sacrifice, like Cain and Abel, right? | ||
| And if your God wanted that, your God wanted you to kill your children, That's a horrible god that you're... | ||
| Or how about your god tells you to kill somebody when you're about to. | ||
| He says, no, stop. | ||
| I was just testing you. | ||
| Yeah, that's a fucked up story. | ||
| I mean, that is... | ||
| People don't... | ||
| People act like that's a normal story. | ||
| That's the God that makes the universe told you to murder somebody and since you said yes, you did the right thing by saying yes because you have to trust God even if God tells you something that you can't imagine is real. | ||
| Right, even if you didn't know in your gut it's wrong to murder your kid. | ||
| You have to murder your kid because God's telling you to. | ||
| And you were about to and you're like, okay good. | ||
| I was just checking bro. | ||
| I like you now. | ||
| I was just checking bro. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's the biggest bully asshole. | |
| Metzger is actually a religious genius. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He knows a lot about religion and he was explaining to me the story of... | ||
| He gave me a much better understanding of the story where I think his name's Elisha. | ||
| These kids were yelling at him and they called him bald head. | ||
| He's a bald guy. | ||
| And so he asked God to sick a she-bear on the kids and it killed like 40 kids. | ||
| A she-bear. | ||
| I wish I could remember exactly what Metzger, how he explained it to me. | ||
| But the insult was much worse than just calling him baldhead. | ||
| You just have to put it into perspective with the time. | ||
| Like the way he was saying it to him was much worse than we would imagine the term would be. | ||
| We're looking at it in terms of modern language. | ||
| But still, the guy god-sicked a bear on these fucking kids. | ||
| I think Mesker was saying that it might have meant that they actually were trying to kill the man. | ||
| Yeah, from there, Elisha went to Bethel. | ||
| As he was walking along the road, some boys came out of the town and jeered at him, get out here, Baldy. | ||
| They said, get out of here, Baldy. | ||
| He turned around and looked at the, okay, the curse. | ||
| I think that's a real weird translation. | ||
| I don't think that's the best translation. | ||
| The way I've heard it before is not written exactly that way. | ||
| They have more than one translation? | ||
| Yeah, tons of translations. | ||
| He turned around, looked at them, and called down a curse on them. | ||
| In the name of the Lord, the two bears came out of the woods and mauled 42 of the boys. | ||
| I got a bear story. | ||
| It seemed... | ||
| When I heard it before... | ||
| God, maybe I'm wrong, but it felt like it was... | ||
| In the ancient way of saying it. | ||
| And that was what Metzger explained to me. | ||
| See if there's another way of putting the words together that Metzger was saying they were going to kill him. | ||
| This is a version that has tons of translations of it. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| There's lots of versions. | ||
| Unless they were trying to kill the guy. | ||
| Maybe we're looking at it wrong and they were actually trying to kill the guy. | ||
| And I think that's one of the things that Metzger was trying to say. | ||
| Like they were threatening violence to the guy. | ||
| He sent a bear. | ||
| I think two bears. | ||
| Does it say two bears? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It says two female bears, two she bears. | ||
| Dude. | ||
| Imagine. | ||
| Call a dude a baldy and he's six bears on you. | ||
| Don't fuck with him again. | ||
| That's rude. | ||
| I was in a tent in the woods. | ||
| Yosemite. | ||
| And I was with this girl, you know, I was dating. | ||
| And before we packed up, the ranger guy was like, hey, don't have any food anywhere tied up in a tree. | ||
| There's bears. | ||
| They're coming out of their hibernation and they're hungry. | ||
| Don't you have a gum in your pocket? | ||
| You know, it really scared us. | ||
| We were the little group and we were kind of laughing that night. | ||
| Like, whatever. | ||
| Like, bear! | ||
| And just trying to scare everybody. | ||
| It's a horror movie. | ||
| It is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It is. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| People about to get murdered are always giggling about something. | ||
| So we're in the tent, and about an hour into sleep, I had brought a knife in my, you know, tent. | ||
| This fist-sized snout pushes into the tent, puffs her head. | ||
| Like, her head went... | ||
| Then it comes over to my head, puffs my head. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| And I had the thought, oh, this is what terror feels like. | ||
| Because I'd never felt the emotion before. | ||
| I'd never actually been terrified to that moment. | ||
| And we just held each other's hands like really hard and just you did everything not to breathe for two hours. | ||
| Just making the smallest amount of air come in your body. | ||
| I have a theory about that. | ||
| I think bears are figuring out that there's meat in those bags. | ||
| I think they figured out that there's... | ||
| Meat bags. | ||
| Just like they find, like when bears go to garbage cans, you can't scare them off. | ||
| They're always going to keep coming back to that garbage can. | ||
| Once they go to the garbage can, they become a problem. | ||
| They have to kidnap them and move them to some sanctuary somewhere. | ||
| Otherwise, they'd have to euthanize them. | ||
| Because once they know where something is, they keep going back. | ||
| Bears that have killed people in tents... | ||
| They keep coming back? | ||
| They keep coming back to tents. | ||
| I've heard of more than one different story about a predatory black bear attacking people in a tent. | ||
| And I think there's less deer in the place. | ||
| If there's been a bad climate, there's not enough food. | ||
| Why don't they attack us more? | ||
| Do you know what I mean? | ||
| Because we have guns. | ||
| That's the only reason why. | ||
| And in places where people don't hunt bears, they have way less fear of people. | ||
| I mean, I think they would want to get us for food immediately. | ||
| Like, oh, there's some food. | ||
| They don't know exactly what we are. | ||
| We're not a part of their natural world. | ||
| We only occur every now and then. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| If you run into a grizzly bear in Alaska, you might be the first person that grizzly bear has ever seen. | ||
| They might not have any idea what you are. | ||
| So it's been alive for nine years. | ||
| It's never seen a person. | ||
| That's totally possible. | ||
| You saw a grizzly man, right? | ||
| Yes, I did. | ||
| It's one of the best comedies that wasn't supposed to be a comedy ever. | ||
| It is so funny. | ||
| It's wall-to-wall laughs. | ||
| That scene where he's at the lake and the bears walk up to him and he's going, no! | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Bad. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Someone told me, I don't know if this is true, but the bears could sense there was something wrong with him. | ||
| That's why they didn't eat him earlier. | ||
| They thought he was like, he had some sort of mental disease. | ||
| I don't think those bears up there are that aggressive because there's so much fish. | ||
| And I think when the fish runs dry, that's when they get real dangerous. | ||
| He went and he was there long after they were supposed to be in hibernation. | ||
| So the one bear that killed him was really hungry. | ||
| It hadn't eaten enough food. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| So it looked at anything and like he was just gonna eat everything that was in front of it. | ||
| So it found him and killed him. | ||
| So they were saying you should never be around when those bears are in hibernation. | ||
| If you find one that should be in hibernation and it's not, that's a desperate bear. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, okay. | |
| Dude, fuck that. | ||
| That whole movie is just fuck that. | ||
| Like why are you doing that? | ||
| Why are you camping where you know the bears walk? | ||
| And he's not saving any bears. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm saving these bears. | |
| He was so crazy. | ||
| You sons of bitches, where are you? | ||
| Where are you? | ||
| Tiger King. | ||
| He was. | ||
| He was. | ||
| Very similar type. | ||
| If he got together with Tiger King... | ||
| That'd be a great show. | ||
| Well, you know what's similar about it? | ||
| There's something about weird guys that get really connected to murderous animals. | ||
| There's some sexual... | ||
| Yeah, some weird shit. | ||
| Whether it's a tiger or a grizzly bear. | ||
| I'm here protecting them! | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, this dude is in Alaska, in a paper house, right? | ||
| He's got a house made out of cloth. | ||
| And he's laying on top of the ground every night protecting these fucking 1,200 pound wild dog things. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And he almost got the role of Woody in... | ||
| That's the only thing I remember. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Which is not true. | ||
| It's not true. | ||
| No, he's a crazy person. | ||
| But he's also a crazy person that found a venue for his crazy that he did some good too. | ||
| And here's one thing that he did that's good, and I'm not being facetious. | ||
| That movie's brilliant. | ||
| It's an amazing piece of entertainment. | ||
| Through that movie, millions of people have been entertained. | ||
| I don't think he would have been able to do that without that movie. | ||
| Absolutely not. | ||
| It was funnier than Cheers. | ||
| It was fucking great! | ||
| In that guy's dying that way, it's a tragic story. | ||
| It's a lesson to be learned. | ||
| And it's also hilarious. | ||
| He did it on purpose. | ||
| Werner Herzog's a really smart guy. | ||
| He made that thing funny on purpose. | ||
| You think so? | ||
| When that sheriff looks at the camera and goes, I thought he was retarded. | ||
| Tell me that wasn't like a scene in a fucking, you know, a Coen Brothers movie. | ||
| And he has that tape. | ||
| Remember he dangled that tape in front of the poor guy's mother? | ||
| He was like, oh, you don't want to listen to this. | ||
| He kept telling her that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, that was crazy. | ||
| When they played, there's an audio, apparently, of the death. | ||
| It's not available online because Werner Herzog told them to destroy it, and I think he's probably right. | ||
| Yeah, I don't hear that. | ||
| But it's long, man. | ||
| The bear is eating them. | ||
| They eat them alive. | ||
| That's maybe the worst way to go. | ||
| Maybe fire. | ||
| The problem with a bear eating you alive is I think it takes a long time. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because they're not going to kill you. | ||
| Like a tiger would just kill you quick. | ||
| Yeah, they grab your neck, right? | ||
| Bears start eating you from your feet down. | ||
| You know, they don't give a fuck. | ||
| They just start tearing your fucking crotch apart while you're alive. | ||
| Yeah, that and... | ||
| Dude, do you understand what that would be like to watch a bear eat you dick first? | ||
| Dick first, do you think? | ||
| Dick first. | ||
| A bear just right at your crotch. | ||
| A big fucking giant bear head clamped down on your dick and your asshole. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No! | |
| And you're going, no! | ||
| And that's how you die. | ||
| A lot of people have died that way, man. | ||
| I guarantee you, how many people got attacked dick first by giant grizzly bears over the course of the last 20,000 years? | ||
| I bet it would be a staggering number. | ||
| It would be a shocking number. | ||
| It would surprise you. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He'd be like, why are we keeping these things around? | ||
| That's one thing California did that's really wise. | ||
| They exterminated all the grizzly bears. | ||
| Is that right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I didn't know that. | |
| It's on the flag. | ||
| Grizzly bear's on the flag. | ||
| There's no grizzly bears here. | ||
| I didn't know that. | ||
| They're like, fuck you. | ||
| Hey. | ||
| You keep eating us. | ||
| Hey. | ||
| Are you a big camp? | ||
| Do you go camping? | ||
| No, I have. | ||
| I like rooftop camps. | ||
| Like where you could camp on the rooftop. | ||
| They have rooftop tents. | ||
| I have a roof rack on my Land Cruiser. | ||
| Oh, on top of your car? | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Climb up the ladder. | ||
| I want to get that. | ||
| That way you're camping, but things aren't just going to fucking crawl up on you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You know? | ||
| I want to get that Cybertruck because that is a great camping situation. | ||
| Plus, you look like you're in the future. | ||
| Fucking camping in that thing. | ||
| That's some Blade Runner shit. | ||
| I love my car in a way that I've never liked something I've bought before. | ||
| It feels like it's another thing, right? | ||
| Like it's way better than a car. | ||
| It is, and it's learning and getting better, and it feels like a child growing up and helping. | ||
| Yeah, you keep getting these new updates. | ||
| Yeah, it's like Christmas. | ||
| It drives itself. | ||
| It just drives itself. | ||
| It's amazing, because I bought mine in 2018. And how it's gotten so much better. | ||
| I mean, they're solving vision, which I think should be bigger news than what it is. | ||
| And the way they're doing it is brilliant. | ||
| They have... | ||
| People paid the money for them to send out all these fleets, and they get all the data, which is what they need. | ||
| Tons and tons of data. | ||
| And they see stoplights and stop signs now. | ||
| I kind of watched a video on how they did this, and it's... | ||
| They send out to the fleet, like, hey, send us all your stop signs. | ||
| And they all come back... | ||
| To this one place, and it learns. | ||
| And I got a stop sign near my house, and just a little piece is showing. | ||
| It's covered by bushes, but the car recognizes it. | ||
| Dude. | ||
| And that's his side job. | ||
| That's his side job. | ||
| He is the coolest person ever. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ever. | |
| On paper. | ||
| On paper. | ||
| I mean, in person, you know, he's... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I think Nikola Tesla is probably the most important inventor of all time, but Nikola Tesla, I don't think you would think he's cool. | ||
| You know, he was just a genius, and he was in love with a pigeon. | ||
| Like, he was really crazy. | ||
| Yeah, he got really crazy. | ||
| He was a really crazy guy, but brilliant, but had ideas. | ||
| Elon is like, cool, you can hang out with him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's super cool. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| He was here smoking one of these. | ||
| He got in trouble for about 24 hours and then they made money. | ||
| They bounced back. | ||
| They lost 6% in his day. | ||
| Is that right? | ||
| Yeah, but it came back 9% the next day. | ||
| And I'm like, yeah, people are crazy. | ||
| He's the greatest CEO. He's always in the news. | ||
| But the fact that the Tesla thing is like his side gig is what's most ridiculous. | ||
| He is the coolest person ever. | ||
| In the history. | ||
| Also, very important. | ||
| He's doing very important things. | ||
| Fuck yeah, man. | ||
| We would be so far behind if it wasn't for one guy. | ||
| What would the electric car market look like today if it wasn't for one guy? | ||
| Oh, right. | ||
| And they tried to kill... | ||
| I mean, you just... | ||
| Yes. | ||
| I mean, it still happens. | ||
| You get the worst news. | ||
| Every car crash, Tesla crash on the news. | ||
| And when there was fires, which there are anymore, and there was only like a few, everyone was front page and people thought, don't those cars blow up? | ||
| Yes, yes. | ||
| It's like, you know how many gasoline cars, fires there were that year? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Anyway, I just get, the fact that they made such, he made such an amazing car and got past all the bullshit that was coming at him to destroy it. | ||
| He just doesn't listen. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's like, I'm smarter than you, so he just keeps going. | |
| He knows what he's doing, and he's been right so far. | ||
| We're fucking lucky that guy's around, man. | ||
| I don't like people to give him shit. | ||
| I mean, they should be promoting and hiding the fires. | ||
| The guy ahead of the board that looks into crashes. | ||
| I sound like an idiot. | ||
| What's the name of that board? | ||
| Anyway. | ||
| You would think you'd go, oh, I've got this car that's 15 times safer than all my other cars. | ||
| Let's help this company out. | ||
| But every – I think they investigate 500 crashes a year, this department. | ||
| Every Tesla crash they investigate. | ||
| He's just on him. | ||
| And I understand you have to in a way with the self-driving. | ||
| You have to. | ||
| But they've not been reckless about that. | ||
| Well, there's some accidents, though, that are very troubling. | ||
| One of them was a guy slams right into the side of a truck. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, I saw that. | |
| Yeah, that one didn't even make any sense. | ||
| That one was like, how does it not know there's a truck in the road? | ||
| Or does it not know what to do when a truck is in the road? | ||
| Like, what happens? | ||
| Like, a truck tips over, what do we do? | ||
| You don't know what to do? | ||
| Why are you driving? | ||
| Right. | ||
| Like, that's crazy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Like, it's not ready for you to drive yet if it doesn't know where a truck is. | ||
| But you are supposed to pay attention. | ||
| Yes, you are. | ||
| It isn't self-driving yet. | ||
| I think people text and fucking email and shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, absolutely. | |
| I've dozed. | ||
| It's not good. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No! | |
| Long drive. | ||
| I went to Phoenix. | ||
| It's so bad, dude. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's so bad. | |
| I had a seven-hour drive and I was like... | ||
| But I pulled over. | ||
| But that car, it's easy to pay attention. | ||
| Well, it's just a different kind of thing. | ||
| It's like you think of what a car is. | ||
| You think of an engine, and it pumps gas, and you're driving around in it. | ||
| That thing is like an electronic vehicle. | ||
| It's not a car. | ||
| It doesn't make any noise. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| It looks just like a car, but where's your engine? | ||
| It's like, where's the rumble? | ||
| Where's the stinky gas? | ||
| It doesn't have any of those things. | ||
| It's silent. | ||
| That's what I noticed. | ||
| When you look back at horses, we're like, how do people stand the stink of shit in New York City? | ||
| But then when you get an electric car, you go, oh, those other ones, that was poison. | ||
| I just got used to it. | ||
| And I was like, oh, that's what they have. | ||
| Yeah, when people just rode horses, this must have smelled terrible. | ||
| Everywhere, just horse shit everywhere. | ||
| It'd be like, yeah, I mean, really, right? | ||
| They'd shit all over the place. | ||
| If everybody was on a horse? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But we've got to get with the new technology, because... | ||
| Them trying to save coal jobs, I get it, and that's a really tough thing, but we better off training. | ||
| It's like them trying to save the horseshoe guys' business. | ||
| We're not going that way. | ||
| Do you know the whole learn-to-code fiasco online? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Well, someone was talking about coal miners and what they could do if they stopped mining coal. | ||
| And someone had said, learn to code. | ||
| And then learn to code somehow, I'm probably fucking this up, but became like a bad thing that you couldn't say on Twitter. | ||
| Like an insulting thing that would get you banned from Twitter. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Why? | |
| Because learn to code was some sort of an insult. | ||
| It became some sort of an insult or mocking this idea that these people... | ||
| So you can't... | ||
| I mean, it seems like the most innocuous of sentences. | ||
| Learn to code. | ||
| Is there anything wrong with learning? | ||
| No. | ||
| Is there anything wrong with learning code? | ||
| No, there's not. | ||
| So how come I can't say learn to code? | ||
| I can't say it because at one point in time it was used to describe this one thing. | ||
| Now it can kind of become funny. | ||
| Learn to code. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I don't, yeah, I don't understand why that's bad. | ||
| It seems like good advice. | ||
| It seems like good advice, always, but maybe it's mean to say to these coal miners they should learn to code. | ||
| I get that. | ||
| But you could also use that in a lot of different ways. | ||
| Once someone said, learn to code, and it sounds good, that's not limited to that one meaning. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You could say it as a friend, like, as a joke. | ||
| Like, learn to code. | ||
| And you're not being an asshole. | ||
| Like, your friend is like, oh, my fucking job is so annoying. | ||
| And you're like, learn to code. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Did you get kicked off Twitter? | ||
| Yeah, they took the whole phrase by one person saying it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Now that phrase is locked up. | ||
| I mean, it's an unusual phrase. | ||
| I use it a lot. | ||
| Learn to code. | ||
| Why can't you say it? | ||
| I don't know, but I love Teslas. | ||
| There's just too many breaks being put on what people can and can't say. | ||
| I don't know how much of this is legit, because I know that... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Google... | |
| What is exactly the reason why the Federalist... | ||
| And there was another thing that was... | ||
| Explain how that worked, Jamie. | ||
| How they were pulled down. | ||
| They had an issue, it says, with their AdSense. | ||
| So that's what Google controls is AdSense. | ||
| Right. | ||
| The money that you make off of your website clicks, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| So there was an issue with... | ||
| It says... | ||
| Zero Hedge and Federalist both had comment pages, I guess, that had AdSense on it. | ||
| And there was threats of having it taken away from them. | ||
| And this article says that the Federalist bends the knee to Big Tech and deletes its awful comment section. | ||
| So I was trying to read through it to see. | ||
| It goes back to what we were talking about earlier. | ||
| It's the worst way to talk to people. | ||
| Just through text or comments. | ||
| It's a perfect example. | ||
| Comments section on a website are an example of why typing something out in print is the absolute worst way to communicate with people. | ||
| How many times do you think that you could have had a disagreement with someone? | ||
| Through text messages, but in person, you could have come to an agreement pretty easily. | ||
| All the time. | ||
| I've run into that problem. | ||
| I now know not to text if it's anything that could be taken as a call. | ||
| FaceTime's even better, just to see their face. | ||
| FaceTime's good. | ||
| A lot of the kids are doing the FaceTime these days. | ||
| They just FaceTime you out of the blue. | ||
| That's what a lot of people do now. | ||
| I'm like, okay, this is what we're doing. | ||
| I feel very aggressive when someone FaceTimes me. | ||
| It is, but some guys like it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Now with this COVID, I'm getting way more used to it because of all the Zooming I'm doing. | ||
| That's the worry, though. | ||
| The worry is that this separates people even more from the emotional contact that we get, the emotional interaction we get from an actual human being. | ||
| We get more and more douchey. | ||
| What is... | ||
| What do you get extra? | ||
| Because I don't know the answer to this. | ||
| I'm Zooming with you, or I'm here now with you. | ||
| What am I getting extra? | ||
| Besides the whiskey and... | ||
| Being in person, it's a different feeling. | ||
| Like, I know you're right there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| You know, high five. | ||
| There you are. | ||
| We're right there. | ||
| That's different. | ||
| I don't think you can get COVID from contact anymore, contacting services. | ||
| I think someone has a spit in your face. | ||
| I lost my caring about any of this, COVID. In the beginning, I really did care, and I was really scared, and I bought into it. | ||
| And then I just hit a thing where... | ||
| You called it care fatigue. | ||
| Care fatigue, I got. | ||
| Is there a word for that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
There should be. | |
| I think what you just invented it. | ||
| That'd be cool if I needed a saying. | ||
| I think it's care fatigue. | ||
| Is that a thing? | ||
| It's probably already... | ||
| Look, we found the female lumberjack was already a thing. | ||
| This is probably already a thing, too. | ||
| I'm going to make care fatigue t-shirts. | ||
| There's an article called Compassion Fatigue, and there's a compassion fatigue of wearing... | ||
| That's different. | ||
| That's different. | ||
| My thing's different. | ||
| But compassion fatigue makes sense, too, because most people, you know, they don't have so much to give to other folks. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They're busy. | |
| Like Kristen Bell, people in the video, it's like... | ||
| They really are putting themselves out there and getting really crushed. | ||
| And if I were them, after the first text I did that I got blowback, I would be out. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think that world, the world of actors and actresses, I think it's very difficult for them to gauge how other people view someone who's really famous who does something like that. | ||
| Like, you have to understand, I don't think they thought about skepticism. | ||
| I don't think they thought about people looking at it very cynically. | ||
| I don't think they considered that. | ||
| I think they only thought, like, they probably talked to their friends, like, we're gonna make a difference. | ||
| We're gonna make a difference with this video. | ||
| And their friends are like, you're amazing. | ||
| You're so powerful. | ||
| If anyone can make a difference, it's you, girl. | ||
| You have the platform. | ||
| Use it. | ||
| Boom. | ||
| Next thing you know, they're making this video and they're calling their friends. | ||
| Just like the one with Gal Gadot. | ||
| Same thing. | ||
| You call your friends. | ||
| We got this. | ||
| We got this. | ||
| We're going to cure this. | ||
| People are fucking dropping like flies in Italy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Just falling off balconies and shit. | |
| Imagine there's no heaven. | ||
| That one. | ||
| I also feel bad in a way because if your friend asks you to do something, it's hard to say no sometimes. | ||
| You got to say no and you got to tell them, this is how I would make fun of you. | ||
| You gotta realize what you're doing is crazy. | ||
| I understand that the sentiment behind it is great. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| They all mean well. | ||
| They all mean well. | ||
| And for white people when it comes to stuff like that, look, all white people feel guilty for something. | ||
| They just do. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because black people used to be slaves. | ||
| So just that, just that alone, if you did not come from that, there's some sort of guilt that you're connected to the ancestors that enslaved those people. | ||
| There's something in the back of your head. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Especially if you're from old family, like if your family's been in this country for fucking since the 1500s or some shit, like for sure your family had something to do with slavery. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| The White Guild is real. | ||
| And it's getting pumped up right now. | ||
| I mean there's videos of – there's a video of a guy and he just was joking around. | ||
| It's a black guy. | ||
| He goes, kneel before me and prays like – and she's like kneeling and it's – Yeah, there's a bunch of those videos. | ||
| There's videos of these people kissing this black dude's feet. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't think this is good for black people. | |
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Like, what is this? | ||
| It's fine. | ||
| If it's just kissing feet and kneeling, we're fine. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Is it? | |
| I'm not smart. | ||
| Is it good? | ||
| I think it's great that white people are marching with them and that seems good. | ||
| This is what it is, man. | ||
| Society and people, we're getting better. | ||
| But we get better like this. | ||
| Oh yeah, the pendulum. | ||
| We get better in waves. | ||
| It goes this way and it comes back. | ||
| And right now we're in a crazy period. | ||
| But ultimately, I think what's going to come out of it is way less racism. | ||
| We're hitting a new stage of no racism. | ||
| People are always gonna judge people. | ||
| They're gonna judge people on everything. | ||
| They're gonna judge people based on the language you speak, where you're from, whether you're short or tall or fat or skinny. | ||
| People just judge people. | ||
| They're always gonna judge people. | ||
| But it will become more and more taboo and more and more disgusting to people if you judge people on race now. | ||
| It's like a new blip in the consciousness. | ||
| It's a more disgusting crime to actually judge people and limit who you think their potential as a human being because they're from Southeast Asia or they're from Mexico or they're from... | ||
| That's going to become a disgusting trait. | ||
| Something good can come out of this. | ||
| Something good will come out of this. | ||
| It's always been a disgusting trait, but it's going to reach a new level of it. | ||
| Yeah, not tolerated. | ||
| Yeah, you're always going to have some racists. | ||
| You're always going to have some murderers. | ||
| You're always going to have some bank thieves. | ||
| They're always going to exist. | ||
| It's like, but how do you make it better for everybody? | ||
| You just got to defund that police job. | ||
| That's all I got to do. | ||
| Yeah, that's the best thing. | ||
| But it's happening right now. | ||
| People are getting... | ||
| I really believe this. | ||
| The positive side of me says, I really feel like we're going to come out of this on the other end friendlier to each other. | ||
| And we can do that. | ||
| It's 100% possible. | ||
| Good. | ||
| This can be a good thing. | ||
| The horrors of all this can make us appreciate that things can go sideways. | ||
| So the folks who have fortunately survived, we can do better. | ||
| We've got to survive that pendulum swing. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Like the Al Franken, the Me Too Al Franken. | ||
| That was a weird one. | ||
| Went a little too far in that swing, in my opinion. | ||
| Oh, that was a weird one. | ||
| I mean, the worst thing he was accused of is the way he held a woman while he was taking a photo with her. | ||
| And then there was the girl who was on the plane with him, though. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Leanne Tweeden. | ||
| That's her name, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yes. | ||
| Let's go with Leanne Tweeden. | ||
| I'm so high. | ||
| I can't believe my fucked up name. | ||
| I'm not high at all. | ||
| I have no excuse. | ||
| She's got the best... | ||
| She's got the best case. | ||
| Yeah, what is her case? | ||
| Hers is different. | ||
| Like, there's a photo of him. | ||
| Look at that photo. | ||
| His hands over her breasts while she's sleeping. | ||
| Like, come on, man. | ||
| If that was your girlfriend. | ||
| Yeah, no, that is... | ||
| But that's when he was a comic. | ||
| He did something stupid. | ||
| They were on a comedy tour. | ||
| Yes, they were on a comedy tour. | ||
| He did something stupid. | ||
| And I'm not defending, but she's wearing a flack jacket. | ||
| Yes, and he's not touching her, but he's pretending he is. | ||
| Maybe he thought it was funny. | ||
| Maybe she didn't. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| It's not a good look. | ||
| It's not a good look. | ||
| I don't think he's an evil person. | ||
| Not that he got fired. | ||
| He resigned under pressure. | ||
| I think he's just a smart guy. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| He got caught up in that wave. | ||
| And I think that can happen to folks. | ||
| I think Sheevan was like, I didn't want him to resign. | ||
| I should stop talking. | ||
| I'm saying things. | ||
| You didn't want who to resign? | ||
| Did you say Sheeva? | ||
| Yeah, she didn't want Shiva to resign. | ||
| She didn't want him to lose his job over that. | ||
| I think she came out and said. | ||
| Yeah, I don't think she did either. | ||
| Again, no information. | ||
| Yeah, it's, you know... | ||
| There's way worse people out there. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's what's fucked up when you hear about a guy like Harvey Weinstein, right? | ||
| And you realize, like, wow, just the sheer numbers of people he fucked with. | ||
| There are really people like that out there. | ||
| Cosby. | ||
| Cosby. | ||
| One of the greatest comedians and even better rapist. | ||
| In terms of all time. | ||
| Like, they got the years. | ||
| See, anybody who says that there's nothing ever funny about rape didn't hear that. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Because that was funny. | ||
| And you're not trying to be mean. | ||
| No, I probably will get in trouble, though. | ||
| Yeah, you probably will. | ||
| Yeah, but it was funny. | ||
| And most people are reasonable, and they're going to understand what we're doing here. | ||
| I can't get canceled. | ||
| But, and that's not true, you can retro get canceled. | ||
| If you get, like, a job on a show, then they come back. | ||
| They come back and read your 2004 tweets. | ||
| Remember you said rape was great on Joe Rogan's mind? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That's exactly it. | ||
| And I have to say I'm sorry. | ||
| And the goalposts keep getting moved, like things that you could say readily. | ||
| One of the things I've been doing is I've been watching a lot of Adam Sandler movies. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's funny. | ||
| Oh my god, man. | ||
| Some of them are so funny. | ||
| Zohan is one of the funniest fucking movies ever. | ||
| But wildly inappropriate. | ||
| And just even then, the things that you can get away with saying then, you can't do now. | ||
| No. | ||
| And Rob Schneider in Adam Sandler's movies, he would play a bunch of different races. | ||
| He played Asian guys. | ||
| He played all kinds of weird dudes. | ||
| You barely can do that today. | ||
| Do you think ever again will it swing back where people go, yeah, you can do other... | ||
| Blackface is fine. | ||
| Blackface will never be fine? | ||
| Never be fine. | ||
| But he apparently was. | ||
| It was not... | ||
| In the 80s, 90s, it was like not... | ||
| Not that big a deal. | ||
| You didn't think like, oh my God, you're... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, obviously, black people say that's example or evidence of white people being insensitive. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| That you don't realize how offensive it is to put on paint to pretend to be like us. | ||
| I didn't know. | ||
| I had no idea black people, when they saw someone dressed up as Bill Cosby, like a white guy, were mad about it. | ||
| I really didn't. | ||
| No. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Well, what's confusing is if you don't have a good sense of history, you think of it and you go, well, if I saw a black guy dressed like a white guy, what would I give a fuck? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But then you have to go to those Al Jolson movies and shit. | ||
| That blackface was... | ||
| Weird. | ||
| Different, I feel like. | ||
| Dude, it was cartoonish and strange. | ||
| And black people couldn't act in movies, so they had white people dress up and put paint on their face so that they looked like a black person. | ||
| To me, it's like, I understand that people think that's offensive. | ||
| I understand that it's offensive to you. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| But when I watched that, to me, it is fucking fascinating. | ||
| Fascinating like almost in a scientific sense, like you're looking at a different version of human beings. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You're looking at these people that are just really interested in people dancing and running around and doing so with this weird paint on their face. | ||
| It's so dehumanizing. | ||
| So weird, man. | ||
| So weird. | ||
| And it was like, they praised him. | ||
| He went backstage. | ||
| They're like, great job. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| Let me hear some of this shit. | ||
| Can I hear some of it? | ||
| No, I can't. | ||
| No, nothing? | ||
| We got in trouble. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'll tell you what. | |
| Damn it, Jamie. | ||
| It should be in public domain, but it's not. | ||
| Okay, sorry. | ||
| My heart goes out to you. | ||
| When you look at him, it's so strange looking. | ||
| Give me a little. | ||
| Imagine, he's like, I like the way black people look, but their music's too good. | ||
| So what I'm gonna do is do like a white guy version. | ||
| And just pretend I'm a black guy. | ||
| And I'm gonna do like whack white music. | ||
| That is fucked. | ||
| How many blues singers were alive back then? | ||
| What year was this? | ||
| 1927, I believe. | ||
| What year was Robert Johnson alive? | ||
| Find out Robert Johnson, that's the legendary blues man, the big legend of whether or not he sold his soul to the devil, because he was so much better than everybody else. | ||
| Same time. | ||
| So, here you go, folks. | ||
| This is how whack white people are. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| Al Jolson's pretending to be a black guy while Robert Johnson is alive and making music. | ||
| Robert Johnson, I think it's Route 66 story. | ||
| What's that? | ||
| I forget. | ||
| There's supposedly where he met the devil on the highway. | ||
| And he sold his soul to the devil to be the greatest blues man ever. | ||
| It's hard for us to see in the 2020 context when there's so much music, man. | ||
| There's so much brilliant music. | ||
| There's the Beatles and fucking Sturgill Simpson and Kiss and Rolling Stones. | ||
| There's so much fucking music that you could just get on your phone at any time. | ||
| But back then, this one dude, Robert Johnson, was so intoxicating that people thought that he had sold his soul to get that good. | ||
| That's a real legend, man. | ||
| I don't know about it. | ||
| And he was just traveling around singing the blues. | ||
| And you can listen to it today, but it's hard to put it into perspective. | ||
| Is his stuff public domain? | ||
| I'll pay for it. | ||
| Give us a little taste. | ||
| But Robert Johnson, it's like when you listen to Lenny Bruce comedy. | ||
| It's hard for it to translate to today because the times are just so different. | ||
| And this is the same thing with Robert Johnson, but you gotta think, in his day, just recorded music was like 20 years old. | ||
| Nobody even knew. | ||
| They were recording Beethoven and shit on these big stupid discs. | ||
| This is a guy that was way ahead of the curve. | ||
| I want to hear this now. | ||
| Come on, Jamie. | ||
| Give me some music. | ||
| What could it be? | ||
| 40 grand? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Give me a touch. | |
| It's really not a big deal. | ||
| Just give me a touch of Robert Johnson. | ||
| How much can you pay before you have to pay for it? | ||
| Prior to the stuff, that's the best phone. | ||
| Robert Johnson. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| What year is this? | ||
| 19, what was it, 30? | ||
| It said he died in 38 at 27, so he wasn't even that old. | ||
| He died at 27 years old. | ||
| They all died at 27. So imagine, there's this and then this wack-ass Al Jolson singing terrible songs and pretending to be a black guy at the exact same time that Robert Johnson was alive. | ||
| Must have felt real good. | ||
| Well, and then you gotta think that Robert Johnson, you're talking about a guy who was alive like 60 years after slavery ended? | ||
| Right? | ||
| Yeah, he was born in 19... | ||
| What did it say? | ||
| Does it say how he died? | ||
| 11. He was born in 1911. That's crazy. | ||
| Was that 56? | ||
| 50-ish years. | ||
| That's when he's born after slavery ended, right? | ||
| So it's basically the divide between people that used to be slaves and regular folks is still so fucked up, man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| One thing I was reading about that I didn't know about. | ||
| Was I reading or somebody told me this? | ||
| That for the longest time after slavery, one of the big things was they would just arrest black men for anything, for loitering. | ||
| And then they would make them work for pennies a day. | ||
| They'd make them fucking break rocks and shit. | ||
| So they'd give them these crazy sentences. | ||
| So they basically kept them slaves. | ||
| They just arrested them a lot for shit. | ||
| And then imagine being a guy whose entire life you've been a slave. | ||
| Now you're 25 years old, and they've just let you free. | ||
| And you've got to figure out how to get a job, and nobody wants to hire you, and everybody's scared of you, and everybody's prejudiced against you, and there's no opportunities. | ||
| And they just start arresting you, and making you break rocks. | ||
| You're like, fuck a... | ||
| I thought you guys were gonna fix this. | ||
| This isn't any better. | ||
| This is worse. | ||
| So a whole generation had to go through that before it still got to the civil rights movement in the 60s. | ||
| It's real crazy when you think about it. | ||
| It's not that long. | ||
| Not that long, man. | ||
| I am 52 years old, and I believe Michael Yeo had on his page that A year that, like, to the very year that I was born, maybe I was alive for one year where it was illegal for a black man and a white woman to get married. | ||
| Illegal. | ||
| To, like, the late 60s. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I didn't know that. | ||
| Did you know that? | ||
| I don't know anything. | ||
| Dude, that's my lifetime. | ||
| I think I was a year old when they made it legal. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Can you find out if that's accurate? | ||
| Jamie, what are you eating? | ||
| It looks delicious. | ||
| Come on, Jamie. | ||
| What do you got there? | ||
| Oh, the NeuroGum. | ||
| What does that do? | ||
| Makes you smarter. | ||
| I need one so bad, Jamie. | ||
| You do too. | ||
| I do as well. | ||
| I know. | ||
| I'll smoke a joint and drink and then try to make good points. | ||
| Dude, we're making great points. | ||
| Here we go. | ||
| 1967. So the year I was born. | ||
| Interracial marriage in the United States has been fully legal in all U.S. states since 1967. There you go. | ||
| So it's like, that's not that long ago, man. | ||
| That's not that long ago. | ||
| Interesting history. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And we're still getting over it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| American Indians don't even start with that. | ||
| I'm obsessed. | ||
| You see that giant painting that I had out there, that Greg Overton painting? | ||
| No. | ||
| That big white Indian face when you walk in? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| Yes. | ||
| I got obsessed with Native American history. | ||
| Obsessed. | ||
| I don't know much about it. | ||
| Can you enlighten me a little bit? | ||
| There's a book that you got to start with. | ||
| This is the one that'll get you. | ||
| It's called Empire of the Summer Moon by this guy S.G. Gwen. | ||
| It's fucking crazy. | ||
| It's all about the Comanches. | ||
| And all about how the Mexicans tricked people into settling into Texas because they knew the Comanches lived there and the Comanches were going to kill them. | ||
| They wanted a buffer between people and the Comanches. | ||
| So they gave them all this land. | ||
| They're like, Señor, this is a good place for you. | ||
| Send these poor bastards out to be slaughtered. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Oh my god, dude. | ||
| It's the best book, I think. | ||
| In terms of a perception-shifting book, the best book I've ever read. | ||
| I actually listened to it on tape. | ||
| I never thought I was going to read. | ||
| I don't read anything. | ||
| I read mostly magazines. | ||
| I just mostly listen to books on tape. | ||
| But this one is so well written, it's so fascinating. | ||
| And the people that figured out how to conquer the Comanches, basically were the guys that figured out how to use pistols. | ||
| They had to change the way they did battle and they had to go against them on horseback. | ||
| Comanches were so good at fighting on horseback. | ||
| And these dumb Americans, you know, early Americans. | ||
| Why aren't you in a line? | ||
| They'd have to shoot their long rifle off their horse. | ||
| So they'd have to dismount from their horse, pull out their musket, boom! | ||
| And then they gotta repack it. | ||
| It takes a minute to repack it. | ||
| And these Indians were just fucking them up. | ||
| So they couldn't get past a certain point in the United States. | ||
| And that was Texas. | ||
| That's why Texas is so fucking fierce today. | ||
| Because the Texas Rangers were the first people that figured out how to fuck up the Comanches. | ||
| They lived like Comanches. | ||
| They made cold camps. | ||
| They didn't light fires. | ||
| They ate just bullshit. | ||
| They survived. | ||
| They dressed like... | ||
| Like regular people. | ||
| They did whatever the fuck they wanted and they figured out how to fight on horseback and then they figured out how to use a Colt revolver. | ||
| They were the only people using the revolver. | ||
| Nobody saw a use for something they could fire five times before it ran out of bullets. | ||
| So this guy invented this revolver when he was like I think he was like 16 years old or something crazy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And the patent kind of floated around for a while and he made them, but nobody really wanted them. | ||
| But then these Rangers kept fighting these Comanches and they only had two muskets in their hand and one long one. | ||
| So they had three shots and they had to get the fuck out of there. | ||
| We can't beat these guys. | ||
| They have like 20 arrows. | ||
| This is fucked up. | ||
| And so this... | ||
| One guy got a hold of a Colt revolver, and then he goes, hey, I think we just changed the game. | ||
| They started fucking up these Indians on horseback, and they started conquering big chunks of land that the Comanches were dominating before. | ||
| It's a crazy story, man. | ||
| That's the best one to start with, because they were so ruthless to each other. | ||
| I will listen to it. | ||
| I read so slow. | ||
| I get panic attacks when there's subtitles in a movie. | ||
| I was in school. | ||
| My parents kept trying to make me read faster. | ||
| This was back before they saw if you had a reading problem. | ||
| You just were dumb. | ||
| You were an idiot. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Period. | ||
| And so they took me to this nun. | ||
| There were these nuns that had this reading machine that we heard about. | ||
| What? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So we drive like an hour and a half to go to this reading machine. | ||
| What did you think it was before you got there? | ||
| Magic. | ||
| I didn't know what it was going to be. | ||
| How old were you at the time? | ||
| 14, maybe? | ||
| You go into a reading machine. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And so it's a nun. | ||
| Very sweet. | ||
| And it projects on the wall like one sentence at a time. | ||
| And it goes by... | ||
| At a certain speed. | ||
| It was like one through ten speeds. | ||
| And so she tests me where I am the first day. | ||
| And I'm level one. | ||
| I can only read the absolute slowest. | ||
| And she saw I was upset and she goes, don't worry, by the end of the summer you'll be on level ten. | ||
| And I was like, really? | ||
| So worked all summer. | ||
| End of the summer test. | ||
| Guess what level I was on? | ||
| I worked really hard. | ||
| Yes, I was on one. | ||
| And her faith in God dropped off her face. | ||
| I couldn't read and I still get angry when I read and I can't get it. | ||
| Still to this day? | ||
| I read like this. | ||
| I had to go back and then I go this way. | ||
| I'd guess words like I know how long believe is but sometimes it's a different anyway. | ||
| The problem is nobody recognized that you were actually a comedian that was trying to be a regular person. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I thought I was a normal person. | ||
| That was the problem. | ||
| They're like, what is he going to do? | ||
| I wish I was there. | ||
| Well, my... | ||
| I actually was very upset when I was like 12 years old. | ||
| I was voted class clown, but I wanted to be... | ||
| At that age, you want to be cool and liked by girls, you know? | ||
| Yes, for sure. | ||
| You don't want to be a clown. | ||
| Clown to me was bad. | ||
| I realized that's how they saw me. | ||
| It was like tiny. | ||
| They changed it to best personality because they heard that I was upset about it. | ||
| And then my mother proceeded to fill my room with clowns. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| My room was filled and I didn't really have a voice back then. | ||
| I didn't really, for whatever reason, I just let my mother fill my room with clowns. | ||
| There was one painting of a clown reading the Wall Street Journal and he was crying. | ||
| Like he had stock. | ||
| Like some clown had like stocks. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Very upset about what was happening in the stock market. | ||
| I was so high, I couldn't remember Leanne Tweeden's name. | ||
| But how high was I? I was thinking, was it Luann? | ||
| But I know her. | ||
| She's nice. | ||
| She's a nice person. | ||
| The account of Robert Johnson's death is pretty crazy. | ||
| Let's hear it. | ||
| I just lost it. | ||
| I was looking at The Devil Legend 2, which is pretty interesting. | ||
| But... | ||
| He went down... | ||
| So those recordings he did were almost near the end of his life. | ||
| Because there wasn't obviously lots of recording back then. | ||
| It says he traveled to a plantation to perform at a dance party. | ||
| And he was poisoned by someone. | ||
| He was having an affair with the guy's wife. | ||
| The guy didn't know he had an ulcer. | ||
| So it said he wasn't trying to kill him. | ||
| He was trying to make him sick. | ||
| The ulcer made him really sick. | ||
| He bled. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Then, the back of his death certificate, I'll let you read this part, because it adds to it a little bit. | ||
| It says it was written on the back of it, this part right here. | ||
| What part right here? | ||
| This paragraph in the middle. | ||
| I can't see that well. | ||
| Okay, it says, I talked with the white man whose place this Negro died, and I also talked with the Negro woman on the place. | ||
| The plantation owner said the Negro man, seemingly about 26 years old, came from Tunica two or three weeks before he died to play banjo at a Negro dance given there on the plantation. | ||
| He stayed in the house with some of the Negroes, saying he wanted to pick cotton. | ||
| The white man did not have a doctor for this Negro, and he had not worked for him. | ||
| He was buried in a homemade coffin furnished by the county. | ||
| The plantation owner said that was his opinion that he died of syphilis. | ||
| His sister then came, got him out of that coffin, tried to have his death looked into, and no one really looked into it. | ||
| And that's about the end of that. | ||
| So somebody might have poisoned him. | ||
| This wasn't found out until 30 years later. | ||
| They thought he just disappeared. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| What? | ||
| Death wasn't reported publicly. | ||
| He disappeared from the historical record and wasn't until like 30 years later. | ||
| Some people found his music and they dug into his life, found his death certificate, found out all this information way after the fact. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| So like this guy who everyone reveres as like one of the best musicians of all time. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| No formal autopsy was done. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hmm. | |
| It's the same time that's happening. | ||
| All that real shit. | ||
| Al Jolson's got white gloves on. | ||
| Right, making all that sweet cheese. | ||
| He's doing movies and people are clapping. | ||
| Yay, so talented. | ||
| Do you imagine what white guilt was like back then? | ||
| It must have been suffocating. | ||
| I don't think there was any. | ||
| None? | ||
| No. | ||
| The ones who were aware, they'd be like, oh my god, my race sucks. | ||
| Were they? | ||
| What did we do? | ||
| That's an interesting thing. | ||
| For the record, that was on Wikipedia that could have been organized in maybe the not most truthful way, but that's how it was put in place. | ||
| Right. | ||
| There's an album. | ||
| I didn't know any of that, man. | ||
| That's interesting. | ||
| I didn't know he was that young, too. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But it's kind of funny, man. | ||
| It's just weird that just a few years ago, Jimmy Kimmel, didn't he do like Karl Malone? | ||
| Didn't he do like an impression of Karl Malone? | ||
| Yeah, that is... | ||
| That was okay. | ||
| Interesting how... | ||
| What do you think about going back and canceling? | ||
| Well, it's hard because the context of the time is different. | ||
| When Jimmy Fallon was playing Chris Rock, I know you think it's offensive, but it wasn't universally considered offensive to pretend to be someone of a different race. | ||
| It wasn't automatically thought of as you're trying to be racist if you pretend you're Chris Rock, if you can do a Chris Rock impression and you put makeup on your face that makes you look like an African American. | ||
| It wasn't It wasn't necessarily racist because you were pretending to be an actual human being. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| It used to be different. | ||
| Like, we thought of it differently. | ||
| Now, it's like universally thought across the board. | ||
| If you're a white person, you can't put black makeup on. | ||
| Everyone's agreed to that. | ||
| This is the new elevated standard. | ||
| And we all agree to it, right? | ||
| And if you did it now, that would be... | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's different. | |
| Right. | ||
| If you did it now, it's different. | ||
| If you decided now, you're like, fuck you, your rules, man! | ||
| I'm fucking crazy! | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, that's really what's going on. | ||
| And back then, it wasn't a problem. | ||
| People thought it was funny. | ||
| Like, oh my god, that's Jimmy Fallon pretending to be Chris Rock. | ||
| You could do it. | ||
| You could pretend to be Mr. T when I was in high school. | ||
| Like, when I was in high school, you could put makeup on your face, have gold chains around your neck, and you could pretend to be Mr. T. Did you ever do blackface just in the 80s? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, I didn't. | |
| I happened to not either. | ||
| I got lucky. | ||
| Yeah, but you're right. | ||
| It wasn't thought of as... | ||
| You didn't think, oh, I'm doing something bad. | ||
| No, you didn't. | ||
| I don't think they thought that. | ||
| And it's like, where does that end? | ||
| Like, hmm. | ||
| What can you not pretend to be? | ||
| As long as you... | ||
| Isn't intent what's really important? | ||
| I totally... | ||
| I absolutely think it is important. | ||
| I mean, I... I think... | ||
| Intent is what's important. | ||
| It should be. | ||
| When things become taboo and superpowered, they become very dangerous. | ||
| It's just weird because then people are so scared of saying it that they want to say it more. | ||
| And then the races have a more powerful weapon, too. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And we don't have to let go new ones. | ||
| You know, we've already lost certain words that we can never say again, even in jest, because they're so offensive that even uttering them is like an incantation for an ass-kicking. | ||
| You're going to call people to beat your ass. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right? | |
| I mean, that's really what it's like. | ||
| It's good to have that option. | ||
| But the real problem is intent. | ||
| It's like words are supposed to just be noises you make that let other people know what you're thinking. | ||
| That's all it's supposed to be. | ||
| And when a word becomes like a super powerful word or a deed becomes a super powerful deed, like a thing that doesn't really hurt anybody, like blackface. | ||
| When you decide, if you decided to be Mike Tyson for Halloween and you're an Italian guy and you had a fucking fake tattoo put on my fucking face, I'm fucking... | ||
| Well, champ. | ||
| People would only think it's funny. | ||
| You know, if that's your intent, especially if you're an actual Mike Tyson fan. | ||
| It's just weird that it's... | ||
| And it's because of their origins. | ||
| It's because of Al Jolson. | ||
| Al Jolson and his shitty movies for the whole reason. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Goddamn movies! | |
| I mean, how many blackface people were there back then? | ||
| Was it that big of a deal? | ||
| I know there's an album cover with Judy Garland in blackface. | ||
| She was in blackface? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| On an album cover. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| See, but if there was none of that, if it was just- Right. | ||
| Right? | ||
| If it never existed, if just black people did their music and they were just recognized as being musicians, and there was never a white guy who tried to pretend he's black and do it and steal their thunder, if that never existed at all- You think it wouldn't be a problem? | ||
| I don't think it would be a problem. | ||
| I'm not sure. | ||
| For the record, it didn't start with Al Jolson. | ||
| That was just the first time it was captured on film. | ||
| So that's the last record. | ||
| That's like the only thing we have to look at. | ||
| Oh, so how long had it been going on? | ||
| Since the 1830s. | ||
| Oh my god! | ||
| So dude, while slavery was still legal, white people were pretending to be black people on stage and singing shitty songs. | ||
| It's just like they're not even trying to look like black people though, which is weird. | ||
| They came up with a caricature cartoon. | ||
| Yeah, look at that. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| W.M.H. West's Big Minstrel Jubilee. | ||
| Now me, as a person, Just as a human being, I understand the context of what would be offensive about this and where we are today in 2020 and the progress we're making and all that stuff. | ||
| I just got to tell you, for me as a person, that is fascinating. | ||
| I am fascinated by this as just the evolution of an animal, of a human being, of a culture where we're seeing the people from that day. | ||
| What year is this? | ||
| That picture was from 1900, I think. | ||
| Okay, so 1900. So 120 years ago, the evolution of that version of a human being to our version of a human being. | ||
| We're very different from people that lived 120 years ago. | ||
| And this is a great example of how different we are. | ||
| When you see stuff from that time, it's like, I understand how it's offensive to people. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| I understand. | ||
| It should be offensive. | ||
| It should be offensive that people were treated that way. | ||
| It should be. | ||
| However, just as someone who's like watching, like if you were watching a bird and it exhibited really weird behavior a long time ago and then it stopped doing it, he'd be freaked out. | ||
| Like, wow, what happened? | ||
| Why'd they stop doing this? | ||
| Like, how did they evolve? | ||
| How are they different from the way they were back then? | ||
| If you got to, if you could fucking have a time machine and go back and watch a minstrel show, a live minstrel show, you and me, we get high as fuck. | ||
| We time travel. | ||
| We get in that time machine. | ||
| Could you imagine sitting there watching that crazy nonsense? | ||
| Like a white guy with like black paint all over his face and big exaggerated lips and he's got white gloves. | ||
| Singing these terrible songs. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's weird that those things happen. | ||
| That would actually be a fascinating Oculus Rift game. | ||
| Wait a minute, what? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| If you could put a game on, like one of those Oculus Rift things, if you could put a helmet on and it would just transport you back in time, not just to this place, but like to Egypt. | ||
| How about that? | ||
| How about you're in ancient Egypt? | ||
| In, like, 2000 BC with Cleopatra. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Actually, she lived in, like, the ADs. | ||
| 10,000 AD? She lived in the ADs. | ||
| Cleopatra is not a good example. | ||
| I went to those festivals. | ||
| What do you call those? | ||
| Renaissance festivals? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Those are great. | ||
| And they were having this big, like, hear ye show! | ||
| And the guy's on stage, and there's people, you know, all dressed up watching. | ||
| And I wanted so bad to go up in my now clothes from backstage. | ||
| I could have got backstage. | ||
| Like, everybody, I'm from the future. | ||
| And they'd have to continue to pretend they're from the olden times and be like, in the future, people make fun of you and they do these festivals and they're a bunch of nerds who act like you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And they would have to continue like, oh, you're from the future, sir. | |
| They couldn't break character. | ||
| Anyway, I was too scared to do it. | ||
| Do you think they'll ever have a millennial festival like they have a renaissance festival? | ||
| That is so funny. | ||
| A millennial festival. | ||
| Everyone's just on their phone being a dick. | ||
| I'm an activist. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look at all the hashtags I use. | |
| You know what? | ||
| I think some version of that will happen. | ||
| We're kind of having 80s parties now. | ||
| Well, that's what I think about what's happening with us. | ||
| This is a good way to look at it. | ||
| We're talking about these ripples and waves and ups and downs, and we're experiencing a big crazy shift. | ||
| All that though, I think, on the other end, comes out better. | ||
| I think it comes out better for everybody. | ||
| I really do. | ||
| I think all this horrible shit that's happening to us right now as a culture needs to happen so we can be nicer to each other. | ||
| It's totally possible. | ||
| That would be great. | ||
| It's totally possible. | ||
| It can 100% be the outcome and I think it is going to be the outcome because if you look at all these people that are peacefully marching versus the people that are looting and all the crazy shit, the numbers are overwhelming. | ||
| Most people are peacefully marching. | ||
| I want people to... | ||
| My brother's a cop. | ||
| So I have like a... | ||
| You know, I really feel defensive of him because he's just such a good cop and a good guy. | ||
| And I just feel like, God, the news is just making things... | ||
| They're going a little overboard with... | ||
| Bro, they canceled Paw Patrol. | ||
| Do you understand this? | ||
| That's how serious they are. | ||
| Is that puppies being police? | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| That's how seriously they are. | ||
| Well, one of them is also a fire person. | ||
| They have different jobs. | ||
| They canceled Paw Patrol because of the cop part. | ||
| That's insane. | ||
| Bro, they canceled cops. | ||
| They canceled the show cops. | ||
| The most reality of all reality shows. | ||
| That's a good way to show you what most cops are doing. | ||
| And most criminals. | ||
| We've got to know about... | ||
| The best confirmation that we ever got about Florida man came from cops. | ||
| All those accounts, the Twitter accounts and Instagram accounts that show all the crazy shit that Florida guys do. | ||
| Most of it came from that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah. | |
| I want to... | ||
| It's also hard to even sort of bring interest in the conversation, cops and what they're dealing with. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Because it's like you're not on the right side. | ||
| Like I am for Black Lives Matter. | ||
| But I also just want to introduce... | ||
| There's so much coming at cops right now. | ||
| I mean, they go up to these cars terrified. | ||
| Like how you go through a haunted house... | ||
| A lot of it is bad training. | ||
| They're not getting enough training. | ||
| They're really scared. | ||
| And they have a gun. | ||
| And so when you start wrestling with someone who's got a gun, suddenly who knows who has the gun. | ||
| From that point on, it's a... | ||
| And they don't have a whole lot of physical requirements on how much they learn martial arts or gun retention or any of that stuff. | ||
| Not enough. | ||
| And also, now you can't... | ||
| You know, to control the head, you control the body. | ||
| And now you can't... | ||
| Can't choke him anymore. | ||
| And look, and the guy who died, Eric Garner, Gardner? | ||
| That's the one in New York, yeah. | ||
| He actually, he didn't die from the chokehold, but I think a lot of people think he did. | ||
| They were sitting, they were like leaning on him. | ||
| He couldn't breathe. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But he was also being choked. | ||
| But no, but not while... | ||
| No, no, that was, listen... | ||
| That thing around the arm, around the head, no one stays there. | ||
| They don't stay there. | ||
| You have to hold them. | ||
| You have to squeeze them. | ||
| When you squeeze them, you're choking them. | ||
| If I hold you like that, I'm not putting you to sleep, but I'm slowly choking you. | ||
| If a guy has a guy the way that cop had Eric Gardner down, if I basically remember correctly, he was using a gable grip. | ||
| It wasn't a full rear-naked choke where he was choking him to sleep, but he was holding this across the neck. | ||
| And I would say anybody who doesn't think... | ||
| That that's a choke. | ||
| Let me put it on you. | ||
| Let me put it on you. | ||
| Lie on the ground, and I'll grab your neck like that. | ||
| I'm telling you, it's a choke. | ||
| I could be wrong, but I remember the video. | ||
| He did the choke, and once he got on the ground, he let the... | ||
| The guy actually didn't die from... | ||
| Do we have that video? | ||
| I think that one, you're correct. | ||
| I think Eric Gardner died from a heart attack. | ||
| They were leaning or sitting on them. | ||
| They were all over them. | ||
| But it was all so crazy because it was for loose cigarettes. | ||
| But my point is, if someone is holding your head like that, it's a choke. | ||
| It just is. | ||
| It's not a full choke where you're going to sleep. | ||
| But if someone has you in a position where they're on top of you, you're on your stomach, okay? | ||
| So all their weight is on you, which makes it very hard to breathe already. | ||
| Yeah, that guy's wrapping his arm right around his neck. | ||
| No, I'm saying he's on the ground. | ||
| His left arm in that one is not totally under the neck. | ||
| So that one is. | ||
| See how that is? | ||
| See, that is a choke. | ||
| Look at his hands. | ||
| See how his hands are gripped together? | ||
| Let me show you what I'm doing right here. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| See this? | ||
| This is 100% a choke. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| There's no ifs, ands, or buts about it. | ||
| That's a fucking choke. | ||
| And anybody who doesn't think that, let me put it on you. | ||
| That's a choke. | ||
| That's under the neck. | ||
| That's worse than I thought it was. | ||
| That is a 100% choke. | ||
| I could be wrong, but if you go forward in the video, I don't think the choke that he's doing on him... | ||
| I understand what you're saying. | ||
| He didn't do it for very long. | ||
| But here's the thing. | ||
| He shouldn't have done it at all, man. | ||
| That's the thing. | ||
| If that is what caused him to die, and we don't know if that was, or if it was the people on top of him, or was the stress of the event, or it was a combination of all those things. | ||
| But that had to play a factor. | ||
| That choking that dude and why? | ||
| Over loose cigarettes. | ||
| That's the most important part of that story. | ||
| Look, I'm not in defense of this situation. | ||
| I was just making the point that like sometimes when if you take away From a cop, the ability to... | ||
| I mean, also, they're not even gonna... | ||
| If you had a gun and someone is going after you, you have to assume they might kill you. | ||
| And you have to do anything you can in that situation. | ||
| Now, that situation is not a good example. | ||
| I was just making the point that he actually didn't die from that. | ||
| He died from there when they were, like, leaning on him and sitting on him. | ||
| But we don't know that, though. | ||
| Here's the thing, man. | ||
| The way he's on that guy's neck, that guy has big... | ||
| Look at the guy who's doing that. | ||
| Go back to that real quick for a second. | ||
| The guy who's doing that choke has some big ass fucking arms, dude. | ||
| He's got some big fucking strong... | ||
| Look at that guy's arm! | ||
| That's a strong motherfucker, man. | ||
| All those muscles around where his elbow is, that guy will choke the shit out of you. | ||
| Look at his shoulders. | ||
| Look at his triceps. | ||
| I am telling you, if that guy is trained in something, and it seems like he is, I guarantee you he's strong as fuck. | ||
| That is a rough thing to go through, my friend. | ||
| I'm telling you. | ||
| I don't deny it. | ||
| You can't say, if you're seeing that, you're definitely seeing that. | ||
| You're looking right at it. | ||
| You can't say that's not what killed him. | ||
| Because if that guy's holding on, I don't know how long he's holding on for. | ||
| But I think he's alive after this. | ||
| Maybe he had a heart attack because of that. | ||
| That's possible. | ||
| Because this dude is on him like a pit bull, and for what? | ||
| Loose cigarettes. | ||
| It's fucking crazy. | ||
| It's the craziest story. | ||
| I want to make it clear I'm not pro this story. | ||
| My point is that... | ||
| No, I know you're not. | ||
| Yeah, this... | ||
| But we forget what things really looked like. | ||
| I do it all the time. | ||
| I need to look at it again. | ||
| I go, oh, I didn't know it was like that. | ||
| Yeah, I have a... | ||
| I just like... | ||
| I just know if you're in a situation where... | ||
| What's up, Jamie? | ||
| The Paw Patrol thing, I was gonna say. | ||
| Did they bring it back? | ||
| It's a troll. | ||
| Oh, those motherfuckers got me! | ||
|
unidentified
|
No! | |
| What happened? | ||
| They got me. | ||
| Paw Patrol was a troll. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They weren't really canceling Paw Patrol. | |
| They got me. | ||
| You got me, you fucks. | ||
| But here's the thing, man. | ||
| The cops was... | ||
| Cops is real. | ||
| But in my eyes, there's something about cops that was always mocking these poor fucks that are getting arrested. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Even the theme song, bad boys, bad boys, what you gonna do? | |
| What you gonna do when they come for you? | ||
| They made it funny. | ||
| They made it funny to watch these cops pull over these bumbling rednecks with those fucking red plastic cups and they're beating each other up. | ||
| Yeah, it's a great show. | ||
| It was a crazy show. | ||
| 31 years. | ||
| It's probably the longest running show next to The Simpsons. | ||
| This is not a troll though. | ||
| This is breaking news. | ||
| California governor orders all citizens to wear face masks. | ||
| It's in all public places. | ||
| How did we go backwards? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I'll tell you how. | ||
| Protests. | ||
| No one's saying it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Can't say it. | |
| Don't spread it. | ||
| Don't worry. | ||
| Whatever you do, don't try to get your job back, you piece of shit. | ||
| Are you guys demonstrating? | ||
| You're killing grandma. | ||
| But protest, it's like, yay. | ||
| It's so weird. | ||
| They're making a difference. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And there's also like cops were these heroes. | ||
| You know, in the parades, frontline workers, and a week later, like, you're an asshole. | ||
| Well, all it takes is one or two bad cops, and there's two in a row now. | ||
| That guy in Atlanta. | ||
| Jamie was telling me the story that the guy knew that the taser that the gentleman stole from him and ran away from him and, like, pointed the taser at him when they shot him. | ||
| He knew the taser didn't work. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, really? | |
| He knew it had already been fired. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They have... | |
| Apparently there's video, which I didn't see. | ||
| They've only shown photos. | ||
| After they shot him, they didn't do anything for like two minutes. | ||
| Or one of them tried to help, but the other one's like they stood on him. | ||
| Or someone kicked him. | ||
| I heard they kicked him. | ||
| I heard someone kicked him. | ||
| Dude, it's the best example for why we should have something other than the cops for drunk people. | ||
| Like someone who's like a nice guy who's a counselor comes in and talks to you. | ||
| Is it only one guy? | ||
| Yeah, he fell asleep in his car at the drive-thru. | ||
| Okay, we're gonna send Mike. | ||
| Mike's going to be like, hey man, you alright? | ||
| You alright? | ||
| But eventually Mike's probably going to have to call cops. | ||
| Maybe not. | ||
| Maybe Mike says, listen man, I'm going to give you a ride home. | ||
| We're going to park your car right here. | ||
| We're all good. | ||
| That's a good point. | ||
| I'll give you your keys. | ||
| Come back in the morning when you're sober. | ||
| Here's my number. | ||
| Call me. | ||
| I'll grab you. | ||
| I'll pick you up. | ||
| I'll bring you to the car. | ||
| Also homeless, maybe take that away from cops too. | ||
| Dealing with homeless people. | ||
| You're right, right? | ||
| That's a real different sort of crime. | ||
| That's like a systemic poverty crime thing. | ||
| There's something weird going on. | ||
| If that many people are homeless, how fucked up is the balance of your little community when 70,000 people are homeless? | ||
| LA has Boulder but homeless inside of it. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Close. | ||
| Boulder's like 100,000 people. | ||
| LA's got more than 70,000 and growing homeless people. | ||
| So the entire population of Boulder, no house, shove them into LA. And they have tents under the freeways and stuff. | ||
| They make little tent cities. | ||
| I don't want those people to have to live like that, but I don't want them to live there either. | ||
| You know, it's a two-pronged thing. | ||
| It's like... | ||
| How do you fix that? | ||
| I don't know how you fix it once it gets started. | ||
| You know, it's very difficult to give someone back their dignity and, you know, and to do it, you almost need one-on-one individual attention with someone who's like a counselor, a babysitter. | ||
| Someone's gonna straighten the person out and clean them up and get them to think better and get them to eat better and get them to drink water and stop shooting heroin into the dick and get a job. | ||
| You should never shoot in your dick. | ||
| That's what happened to Harvey Weinstein. | ||
| That's what I heard. | ||
| That's why he got a mushroom penis. | ||
| He's shooting things in his penis. | ||
| Well, I unfortunately googled that disease and, oh, you don't want to do it. | ||
| I don't even want to say what it's called, but it's a type of gangrene. | ||
| That diabetic men get, if they get an infection, they're... | ||
| When they get an infection, they get this horrible gangrene. | ||
| And there are some fucking images on... | ||
| There's some things that Google will censor, okay? | ||
| But not gangrene penis. | ||
| But not rotten dicks. | ||
| Rotten dicks. | ||
| It's open season. | ||
| Top of the search. | ||
| What about... | ||
| What is it called? | ||
| What's the type of gangrene called? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Everyone should know about it, but no one should go look it up. | ||
| I looked it up. | ||
| Don't listen to me. | ||
| Do whatever you want to do. | ||
| You just need to know it's a real thing. | ||
| And then someone texted me, it might have been Metzger, someone texted me that they heard it was because Harvey was shooting coke into his dick. | ||
| Yeah, that's what I heard. | ||
| So it's probably Mad Screen. | ||
| He probably heard it from you. | ||
| A circle of lies. | ||
| Fournieres or Fournieres? | ||
| It's a last name, I think, so it's capitalized. | ||
| So Fournieres Gangrene. | ||
| And it's gangrene of the dick, and you have been warned. | ||
| And it didn't slow him down. | ||
| You want to see a photo? | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| I kept one on my phone because I was so confused. | ||
| Well, you need to be pretty close to a gangrene penis. | ||
| He had to get something injected by his assistants to... | ||
| To get his heart up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Aren't you surprised that that didn't slow him down from his sexual assaults? | ||
| Holla at your boy. | ||
| No. | ||
| I don't even know what I'm looking at. | ||
| I'm not even offended because I don't know what I'm looking at. | ||
| Meatballs and sausage. | ||
| That's what you're looking at. | ||
| What's that tongue thing coming at? | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| Dude, that's a fully rotten asshole. | ||
| Like, that guy rotted out from the top of his dick to his asshole. | ||
| God. | ||
| I had a STD scare. | ||
| I don't have an STD. But this is what happened. | ||
| I woke up and the area right above my most precious area was a little puffy. | ||
| So I called the doctor. | ||
| The lady goes, what do you want to see the doctor for? | ||
| I didn't know what to say, but this is what came out of me. | ||
| I go, I have a puffy pubic area. | ||
| And she goes, eww. | ||
| Like, at receptions, at a doctor's office, their job is to make you feel like, oh, that's fine. | ||
| Puffy pubic area. | ||
| We get those all the time. | ||
| That's so funny. | ||
| Peter Power picked up puffy pubic areas. | ||
| Come on in. | ||
| So I'm like, oh, this is something she's never heard of? | ||
| Now I'm getting mobile. | ||
| So I go in there, and it's a little waiting room. | ||
| And I go up to the desk, and I go, Kyle Dunnigan? | ||
| Hopefully she'll see the chart and go, okay, sit down. | ||
| I got you. | ||
| And she goes, what are you here to see the doctor for? | ||
| Again. | ||
| And I'm like... | ||
| And I go, I have a puffy... | ||
| I have a puffy pubic area. | ||
| And she goes, oh, you talked to her. | ||
| Yeah, we were talking. | ||
| Like, they were... | ||
| Laughing and talking about it. | ||
| Oh, you talked to her. | ||
| Oh, we know that story. | ||
| Yeah, we were laughing all morning about that story. | ||
| About your puffy pubic area. | ||
| And everybody is hot, which made it worse. | ||
| And this nurse came out and she's like, Kyle Dunnigan. | ||
| And then she's walking me down the hallway and she goes, what are you here to see the doctor for? | ||
| And I was like, does anybody fucking communicate? | ||
| This sounds like a great porno. | ||
| All the girls are hot. | ||
| You got a puffy pubic area. | ||
| And she just tells you, this is going to sound crazy. | ||
| But it's because... | ||
| You have to get the cum out of your balls. | ||
| When was the last time you came? | ||
| And you're like, wow, I'm trying to not cum. | ||
| I mean, I'm doing this challenge for 30 days. | ||
| I want to respect women. | ||
| Oh my god, that's what it is. | ||
| Your cum is backed up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Let's get Diane in here. | ||
| So your cum starts to work its way into your lower gut. | ||
| Michelle's got to work your balls to get out of there. | ||
| You have, like, a leaky cum container. | ||
| Like, your dispenser, it's like, it's just, you got too much in there, you know? | ||
| It's overflowing. | ||
| That is a great porno, and I don't want to dismiss that as a great porno. | ||
| So, the end of this story, the doctor comes in, and I'm in that paper roll, he opens up, looks down, looks up at me, and he goes, oh, you just got a little fat. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Then he left the room. | ||
| I got a little fat. | ||
| I didn't even notice. | ||
| That's all it is? | ||
| And I just wasted my day and humiliated myself. | ||
| That's all it is? | ||
| My puffy pubic area. | ||
| You were worried you were going to die. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, the reaction I was getting. | ||
| Al Capone style. | ||
| Well, that was the thing about Robert Johnson, too, right? | ||
| They said they'd think, oh, I think he had syphilis. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Somebody murdered that guy. | ||
| What are the symptoms of... | ||
| I like to be a hypochondriac. | ||
| Oh, you don't want to get into this one. | ||
| We've discussed this one too many times on the podcast. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, all right. | |
| Sorry. | ||
| Okay, I'm going to do it anyway. | ||
| Do you know what the term big wig... | ||
| I like it. | ||
| Sounds good. | ||
| Do you know what it comes from? | ||
| Because people, they lost their hair, they were wigs. | ||
| From syphilis. | ||
| And it came from these two French dudes. | ||
| I think, what are they? | ||
| Cousins or some shit? | ||
| I forget. | ||
| That's an accent you can still do. | ||
| But they were, yeah, you can do that. | ||
| You're not even a racist. | ||
| No one will hate me if I'm doing this. | ||
| Nobody cares. | ||
| No one cares at all. | ||
| You can do Italian, too. | ||
| Hey, this fucking guy over here! | ||
| We're the last to go! | ||
| We're the last! | ||
| We're the last of Mohicans! | ||
| Nobody cares. | ||
| I don't think you'll ever not be able to pick on Italians. | ||
| So what is it? | ||
| It was Louis XIV and his cousins. | ||
| So they had syphilis. | ||
| Their fucking hair is falling out in giant clumps. | ||
| Their teeth are falling out of their head. | ||
| Like when people had syphilis, they just rotted apart. | ||
| And when their hair was falling out, they just got a crazy wig. | ||
| And the more money you had, the bigger the wig you could get. | ||
| Ah, big wigs. | ||
| So all these other people got syphilis too, and then wigs became like a thing of fashion anyway. | ||
| I bet back then people just fucked everybody. | ||
| Everybody just fucked everybody. | ||
| What else are you gonna do? | ||
| Pedophilia was rampant, right? | ||
| There's all these stories of like hundreds and hundreds of years ago where pedophilia and man-boy love, like it was normal. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Guys had like little boyfriends, like famous philosophers had like a little boy that they would fuck. | ||
| Yeah, like just imagine that shift in culture, you know? | ||
| That was a good thing to get rid of, I think. | ||
| For sure, but the Catholic Church disagrees. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That's a whole thing we could talk about. | ||
| A tax on the powder they used on the hair to cover up the smell is what stopped it. | ||
| Like the fat of... | ||
| The tax on the powder. | ||
| So the powder became too expensive. | ||
| The smelly powder stopped the smell. | ||
| Imagine everybody smelled like perfumey, stinky pussy. | ||
| Like their hair was like a foot. | ||
| And they just had perfume all over the foot. | ||
| A stinky, rotten, fucking marathoner's foot. | ||
| You're... | ||
|
unidentified
|
You're... | |
| You're better off being a very poor person. | ||
| I don't know if this is an entire show, but I would rather be someone who's just got a studio apartment, who makes 40 grand, whatever, than be a king back then. | ||
| You would be a king. | ||
| Imagine if you could just tell these people, if you were in ancient Europe, and you were like, I'm going to show you how I live! | ||
| You got in the shower, you turned it on, like, oh my god, now I'm going to watch TV. Oh, look, they're pumping his fucking wig with powder. | ||
| That guy's really leaning into it. | ||
| So these dudes would all, like, lose not just their hair, but their teeth would fall out. | ||
| They would get holes in their face. | ||
| And there's all these pictures. | ||
| Oh, there's Lindsey Fiteris. | ||
| Yeah, well, that's our clip we're talking about before. | ||
| Yeah, we can show our own clip. | ||
| See that image of that dude's head? | ||
| That guy's head was falling apart like that because of syphilis. | ||
| He was literally... | ||
| His skin was rotting apart. | ||
| That's how... | ||
| Apparently, that's how Al Capone died. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Yup. | ||
| Fucked up. | ||
| But then wigs became fashionable, right? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Because everyone in a wig. | ||
| Wigs became fashionable. | ||
| God damn it, that lady lost her nose. | ||
| That's so crazy looking. | ||
| That is so crazy looking. | ||
| Just a big hole where your nose used to be. | ||
| But people have like holes in their cheeks and shit. | ||
| Yeah, like eat your skin. | ||
| Yeah, and then they would die. | ||
| It's terrible, man. | ||
| I wish I had some way to eat my nose. | ||
| Shut it off, Jamie! | ||
| Shut it off! | ||
| That's somebody's skull. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, it would rot right through you. | ||
| It's really spooky stuff. | ||
| We got rid of that, though. | ||
| So anybody who doesn't like vaccines, like, hey, settle down! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Settle down! | |
| Leave Bill Gates alone! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, man. | ||
| I've had this gentleman, Dr. Peter Hotez. | ||
| He's a vaccine advocate. | ||
| He's a doctor. | ||
| He's an expert in tropical diseases. | ||
| He was on the podcast talking about COVID and stuff like that. | ||
| And he gets very angry when people spout mistruths about vaccines. | ||
| You have to look at the good and the bad. | ||
| You have to be real honest about what happens with any kind of medication. | ||
| But with vaccines, oh my god, we've fixed so many fucking problems. | ||
| Your kids don't have to worry about polio anymore. | ||
| You don't have to worry about smallpox anymore. | ||
| Smallpox killed everybody! | ||
| There was so much shit that was just killing people until they figured out vaccines. | ||
| It's just people who aren't aware of that history or they don't really sink in. | ||
| They're rightfully distrustful of a corrupt government. | ||
| That's why. | ||
| So they hear about vaccines like, it's fucking Bill Gates trying to put a microchip in me. | ||
| What is that idea about Bill Gates? | ||
| I mean, to me, I can't even figure out. | ||
| He's spent so much of his money helping people. | ||
| Something happened. | ||
| Bill Gates became a bad guy. | ||
| He spent so much of his money. | ||
| Not enough, Bill. | ||
| You fuck... | ||
| I mean, would you do that? | ||
| You got $60 billion. | ||
| Are you giving away $50 billion? | ||
| I think it's good, even if he gives his kids money, it's good he's not telling them that he's giving them any money. | ||
| Dude, the moment I hit $50 billion, I'm going to live like I'm in a Jay-Z video. | ||
| I'm just going to get a giant yacht, and I'm going to have gold underwear, and I'm going to have a bottle of Dom in each hand. | ||
| Like that song, Big Pimpin'. | ||
| You're waiting for $50 billion? | ||
| Yeah, that's the number. | ||
| I think a billion are good. | ||
| No, because you have to have goods, land, you have to have a lot of things planned out. | ||
| These fucking crooks out there are not planned. | ||
| Is that the number, 50 billion, when you can relax? | ||
| I don't know what a number is when you can relax, but at that number, I'd say yes. | ||
| I think. | ||
| But even then, those fucking dudes always feel like they need more. | ||
| There you are. | ||
| When all those other dudes got yachts, Jay-Z got a fucking cruise ship. | ||
| I forgot that there was someone walking around with the Dom Peeler. | ||
| Come on, man. | ||
| This is what I'm talking about. | ||
| That would be me. | ||
| Just dancing all day. | ||
| But here's the thing, man. | ||
| The real thing. | ||
| This is appealing because you can't have it. | ||
| And the only time that feels good is when you do other shit that's hard. | ||
| If you're just doing that every day, I swear to God, you won't be happy. | ||
| It sounds fucked up, but you gotta trust me. | ||
| Human beings need puzzles. | ||
| We need to solve things. | ||
| We need games to win. | ||
| We need things to do. | ||
| We need books to write. | ||
| We need things to accomplish. | ||
| We need goals that we set. | ||
| We gotta achieve them. | ||
| If you don't do that, you're not gonna be happy. | ||
| And it's a big problem with people today. | ||
| And if every day was like Big Pimpin', you would get bored. | ||
| Big Pimpin' is for the weekends. | ||
| You bust your ass Monday through Friday, and you fucking put the pedal to the metal, and then, you know... | ||
| I mean, you look at rich kids that are disasters. | ||
| It's really not... | ||
| It's terrible. | ||
| I even... | ||
| I think you'd be really sad just giving a huge house. | ||
| You just would be sitting in this big house by yourself. | ||
| Yeah, you don't want a huge house, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ugh. | |
| Not if you're one dude in particular. | ||
| If you're Batman and you're living in one giant castle by yourself. | ||
| That's just... | ||
| No, if you're Batman. | ||
| Come on, man. | ||
| You can't be... | ||
| You're so moody. | ||
| You got Robin. | ||
| I wonder why you're so moody. | ||
| Yeah, but I don't even think he hangs out with Robin. | ||
| I think he... | ||
| I think Robin are cool. | ||
| They do the call. | ||
| I don't know about that. | ||
| They Zoom. | ||
| He's like, I might have to keep rescuing this fucking guy. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| He does have to sort of carry the weight there. | ||
| Always going to save him. | ||
| He never pulls his own fucking weight, this Robin. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Do you remember the Batman movie with Alicia Silverstone? | ||
| That was maybe the worst movie ever. | ||
| Batman and Robin it was called. | ||
| I auditioned for that movie. | ||
| Oh, that's the gentleman who's on that LL Cool J cop show. | ||
| I don't know that. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Schwarzenegger was in it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I will freeze you, guy. | ||
| Right, right, right. | ||
| But that guy was Robin. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| He was Robin. | ||
| What's his name? | ||
| Chris O'Donnell. | ||
| Chris O'Donnell. | ||
| And he's on that cop show with LL Cool J. Oh. | ||
| I missed that one. | ||
| That's canceled. | ||
| Who to this day, going back to Cali, is in my fucking playlist. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hey. | |
| When I'm working out, I like that song. | ||
| Her bikini, small. | ||
| Heels, tall. | ||
| She said she likes the ocean. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch. | |
| That's a fucking great song, man. | ||
| It's a great workout song. | ||
| I put on Rocky music. | ||
| Oh, you're hardcore. | ||
| Yeah, I go right to it. | ||
| Too much trumpet for me. | ||
| It's a lot of trumpets. | ||
| Too needy. | ||
| I get really pumped up when I hear a trumpet, though. | ||
| Yeah, well, if you were running and Rocky came on, yeah, I would see it, though. | ||
| But in the regular world, you don't want to listen to it. | ||
| What were we talking about? | ||
| I forgot. | ||
| I think we were talking about something. | ||
| And then we got on to our workout music, and I'm fucking ready. | ||
| Do we get into something important? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah! | |
| It's not really possible. | ||
| Partying on the weekend. | ||
| Dude, I'm so glad to do this podcast with you. | ||
| I've been having all these serious podcasts lately. | ||
| Thank you for having me. | ||
| I can't handle it. | ||
| Yesterday was my friend Brett Weinstein. | ||
| He's an evolutionary biologist and one of the smartest fucking people I've ever met. | ||
| So it goes from him to this goofy conversation. | ||
| It's awesome. | ||
| Well, that's what I feel... | ||
| Like, bad people listening hear so many smart people. | ||
| Yeah, but they want funny people too. | ||
| Not that I'm an idiot, but I'm clearly misinformed. | ||
| And also we've been smoking, which is, I don't approve of this. | ||
| People like fun. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We have fun. | ||
| We're Americans, goddammit. | ||
| Goddammit, that's right. | ||
| And I bought a surfboard that came today, and I'm going surfing. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| You're going surfing? | ||
| Can I surf? | ||
| No. | ||
| You should get a lesson. | ||
| Don't die. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I like you. | |
| You can't die. | ||
| I really want you to survive. | ||
| You can't die surfing. | ||
| You definitely can die surfing. | ||
| No, no, no, no, no. | ||
| You definitely can die. | ||
| You've never surfed, sir. | ||
| You're right. | ||
| You're right. | ||
| But I do know people who have told me they almost died surfing. | ||
| How did they die surfing? | ||
| They got hit with the fucking wave and brought under, and they didn't think they were going to get back up. | ||
| Dude... | ||
| Come on, man. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| You think I'd knock out from a surfboard? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Come on. | |
| You know, the scariest thing I ever heard anybody talk about with the ocean was not just that this guy died. | ||
| In San Diego, they were all training for like a triathlon and he got bit in half by a shark in front of everybody. | ||
| Full on half? | ||
| Full on Great White just takes him and fucking rips him in half in front of everybody. | ||
| And you're awake. | ||
| And you're in the water and you are hundreds of yards from the shore. | ||
| And the guy next to you just exploded with a sea monster, just jumped out and ripped him in half. | ||
| And you know blood fuels shark frenzies. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And you go real slow. | ||
| You can't really even swim fast. | ||
| At your fastest, you're fucked! | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you're trying to maintain a certain pace because you don't want to run out of gas. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Right? | ||
| You don't want to be exhausted. | ||
| You don't want to splash around either like a wounded seal. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Well, um... | ||
| My friend Peter Atiyah, he swam those waters shortly afterwards because he's preparing for some crazy Hawaiian swim where he swam from like Maui to the Big Island. | ||
| What was the distance he swam? | ||
| Something really insane. | ||
| He swam from Maui to the Big Island. | ||
| I think he might have swam to Lanai as well. | ||
| He tried to do it all in one day. | ||
| So he's in these shark-infested waters, tiger sharks all around Hawaii, and they're real aggressive. | ||
| That's where he's going to go swim after he's training for swimming, right where the guy got bit in half by a shark like a week ago. | ||
| Why would he do that? | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| People are different. | ||
| Anyway. | ||
| People are different. | ||
| You should come surfing with me, dude. | ||
| I'm scared. | ||
| Are you scared of sharks? | ||
| 100%. | ||
| Yeah, because you are a potential prey when you get in the water. | ||
| Yeah, I'm a pussy. | ||
| I'm not into getting eaten by a shark. | ||
| I just don't think you have many options for survival if one tries to get you. | ||
| I think you underestimate my speed. | ||
| I know. | ||
| I know you're fast. | ||
| I'm very quick, especially underwater. | ||
| I think a seal's gonna sell you out and push you towards a shark. | ||
| That's what I'm worried about. | ||
| You should probably surf with a seal. | ||
| Just hide your seal. | ||
| Just fucking throw him in the water. | ||
| We'll just get the seal first. | ||
| Yeah, it'll be like, oh, he loves seals. | ||
| Like, this is Kyle and this is his buddy, the seal. | ||
| Really, the seal's just there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's a fucking shark! | |
| Boom! | ||
| And they catch you. | ||
| TMZ catches you kicking the seal into the water. | ||
| TMZ. And the shark snatches it up. | ||
| Does TMZ get you? | ||
| Do they get me? | ||
| You know, paparazzi. | ||
| I've talked to the TMZ. Most of the TMZ guys, a lot of them were comics. | ||
| So you'd run into them at the airport. | ||
| And they were usually pretty cool. | ||
| Good guys. | ||
| They're just doing a job. | ||
| It's just a weird... | ||
| Look, it's weird to not be famous and to see famous people and go, why can't I film them? | ||
| Yeah, they have a great life. | ||
| It's right there. | ||
| I want to film them. | ||
| It seems like... | ||
| But the TMZ people, honestly, they've always been pretty respectful. | ||
| If you tell them, you know, I'm too exhausted, I can't answer this complicated question after I just flew all night, you know? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah. | |
| Because that's what a lot of it is, right? | ||
| If you're fucking coming out of an airport, and you're high on edibles, which I usually am, that's how I'm flying, and I have a Starbucks in my hand, and I'm listening to Jimi Hendrix, and some dude asked me, you know, what do you think about Black Lives Matter? | ||
| I'm like, whoa, this is a loaded question right here. | ||
| You know or anything any any important issue where you could be like, you know, what do you think about it? | ||
| Biden or Trump? | ||
| What do you what kind of answer am I going to give you? | ||
| High as fuck holding on to a Starbucks? | ||
| It is the worst time to be drilled especially if you don't When you're flying you got to just accept the fact that you're flying, right? | ||
| You just sit there and you sit there and you listen to music or you look at a movie on your laptop You're basically just sitting there chilling you're like you accept where you are and then you get off You get your coffee, you start walking, and there's a question about life. | ||
| I'm not thinking about life. | ||
| I'm just chilling. | ||
| I'm trying to not think. | ||
| This is my not think time. | ||
| This is not like I'm going to do a podcast. | ||
| Let me wake up and get ready to do a podcast. | ||
| Or I'm about to stand up. | ||
| Let me ramp my brain up. | ||
| No, this is like getting off of a plane. | ||
| I'm going to give you the worst answers ever. | ||
| I don't know what the fuck I'm saying. | ||
| And I think people go to you a little bit. | ||
| Because of your podcast. | ||
| They go to you for answers. | ||
| They'll ask Kendall Jenner something different than they're going to ask you, probably. | ||
| I'm not a guy for answers, trust me. | ||
| I'm a guy that can point you to people that might have answers, but I'm not the answer. | ||
| You've got a wide range of knowledge, though. | ||
| Yeah, but it doesn't glue together right. | ||
| It's scattered. | ||
| It's basically inoperable. | ||
| It's great for bringing things up on a podcast. | ||
| It's not great for real-world applications. | ||
| I just have weird facts about the Comanches stored in my head. | ||
| I know science things, which is completely useless. | ||
| But it's not. | ||
| That's the whole reason why we're here. | ||
| I don't know why people aren't as fascinated with science as I am. | ||
| They should be. | ||
| It is. | ||
| It's amazing that we make actual discoveries that I think are even more magical than some of the religion stories. | ||
| And people don't... | ||
| They're almost like scientists are elite nerds or something. | ||
| They're not cool to people. | ||
| I think without science... | ||
| You would just be in the woods pooping in a hole and you'd die in a week. | ||
| Well, I think we've got two things going on simultaneously. | ||
| We have the biological needs, okay? | ||
| And biological needs mean that, like, men are still in some way rewarded for being, like, big, strong, physical specimens, like a big football player or, you know, some elite athlete. | ||
| It's like, biologically, a woman's body will tell her, like, that is a man to breed with. | ||
| I'm going to make strong offspring. | ||
| There's no ifs, ands, or buts about it. | ||
| It is what it is. | ||
| No, you're right. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So, because of that, these guys have the resources and the bandwidth to create all the things they create. | ||
| Dumb guys who get a lot of pussy ain't inventing shit. | ||
| I don't have any time. | ||
| I'm not thinking that way. | ||
| There's an app that makes me handsome. | ||
| And I'll be Zooming, recording stuff with Kurt. | ||
| And I'll tell you, I relax. | ||
| I get confident. | ||
| And just because my jaw is slightly bigger. | ||
| I get a whole new personality. | ||
| I realize I developed this personality because of the face I just was given. | ||
| But on the other hand, one of the reasons why you're so funny is the perspective of life that you have coming from someone who's not totally happy with your appearance. | ||
| No, I was just very tiny and it did not go well for me. | ||
| And my sister wanted a sister. | ||
| So when I was born, I was constantly dressed up in makeup as a girl and she'd call me Kyleena. | ||
| And I had to live as like a girl. | ||
| My whole life I've had women just like... | ||
| Like, on me, just telling me what to do. | ||
| And I ended up like... | ||
| I took tap and jazz with my mother. | ||
| I didn't want to do that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh my god. | |
| I went to get the tap shoes and the guy was like, one day we'll see you on Broadway. | ||
| I remember thinking like, I don't want to... | ||
| I think they kind of raised me to be like a woman. | ||
| This sounds like the beginning of a biography of a serial killer. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| This is what it sounds like. | ||
| I still haven't. | ||
| Just tortured by your mom. | ||
| You wanted to play baseball, go fishing, and she's like, put on this dress! | ||
| I'm going to raise a gay man if it's the last of me. | ||
| I remember my parents found a nude magazine. | ||
| They weren't even nude. | ||
| They were women in underwear under my bed. | ||
| My dad was like a little relieved. | ||
| Not that he would ever be against me being gay, but he was like, I thought you were gay, but he didn't want me to have a life probably. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I mean, look, I'm built like not a tough man. | ||
| I'm not built like I'm proud to be one of your softest friends. | ||
| But didn't you tell me that you're doing a prison workout? | ||
| Yeah, now I'm going to be huge by the end of COVID. I'll be huge. | ||
| What are you doing? | ||
| Trying to keep up with your friends? | ||
| You said you were gluing rocks together and shit? | ||
| I got bricks, wrapped them in duct tape, gorilla duct tape. | ||
| Really? | ||
| And you're lifting weights with bricks? | ||
| Yeah, I'm getting... | ||
| I'll be huge by the end of this. | ||
| You really could do that. | ||
| It's actually... | ||
| It's getting all the muscles, you know? | ||
| I read a story once where there was a guy who was talking about how to become a power lifter. | ||
| He was explaining to people what to do to become a power lifter. | ||
| And one of the pieces of advice he was giving is get a manual labor job. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He was literally saying, if you want to get really strong, you want to lift at night after work, but you want to work all day picking up bricks and shit. | ||
| This guy, his strategy for being a stronger power lifter was get a job carrying rocks all day. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I bought all these ficus plants from my front yard, like 13 of them. | ||
| And they were like, you want us to help you dig a hole? | ||
| I'm like, I got it. | ||
| I swear, the dirt was so hard. | ||
| It took me about three hours per hole. | ||
| And I just did it because I was like, this is great exercise. | ||
| Great exercise. | ||
| And holy crap. | ||
| My doctor, Dr. Mark Gordon, he's been on this podcast before. | ||
| He actually does that for exercise. | ||
| He'll go out in his backyard and just dig a hole. | ||
| Yeah, digging a hole gets pretty much everything. | ||
| And I go, what are you doing with the hole? | ||
| He goes, nothing. | ||
| Fill it in. | ||
| Just digging a hole. | ||
| I'm doing it for exercise. | ||
| No, that man's insane. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, he's not. | |
| He should get a project, though, at least. | ||
| No, he's a bright man. | ||
| He realizes that, first of all, when you think about digging a hole, like, honestly, as someone, I mean, I'm not a kinesiologist, but I understand a little bit about exercise. | ||
| It's a smart word for a guy who knows exercise. | ||
| When you hold on to a pole and you fucking shove it into the ground with your leg and then you wrench it with your arms. | ||
| Yeah, that's what I did. | ||
| That's a workout, man. | ||
| That's a real workout. | ||
| And it's a workout that works everything. | ||
| It works your whole body. | ||
| As long as you keep switching legs and switch the way you pull the thing, you're going to use both sides of your back. | ||
| You don't want to do it this way. | ||
| You hit yourself in the face. | ||
| But you can do this shit and this shit and depending upon, obviously, the size of the handle of the The shovel, but you can get a real workout shoveling, man. | ||
| Just fucking shoveling things to the ground, stomping on it. | ||
| Digging a hole is... | ||
| And then chucking it. | ||
| I mean, it's all shoulders and neck and back. | ||
| I want this guy to feel some satisfaction. | ||
| Like, I put in some ficus trees. | ||
| I got some nice curb appeal. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And he's out there digging holes and... | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| I understand. | ||
| Maybe he could come to someone's... | ||
| Maybe he could do charity work where people need holes. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I don't want to tell this guy how to do it, but... | ||
| Well, it's his yard, man. | ||
| He wants to have a nice green lawn so he could stare at it. | ||
| Go, look at you, nature. | ||
| Look what I've done. | ||
| I've conquered you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You have been to the will of my visual pleasure. | |
| I'll tell you what I did. | ||
| I got some quotes on turf, fake grass. | ||
| Oh, that stuff's terrible. | ||
| How do you feel about that? | ||
| I hate that stuff. | ||
| I looked at the house ones that had that. | ||
| The whole side yard was all turf. | ||
| It was a beautiful house, too. | ||
| But was it the good turf? | ||
| It was a really good turf. | ||
| You could tell, though. | ||
| Well, you only could tell because they told you. | ||
| I mean, once you got on it, you could tell. | ||
| But it was still beautiful. | ||
| But I don't like it. | ||
| Because I want... | ||
| I mean, I'd rather have a bunch of patches of dirt and some grass. | ||
| I want the fucking earth there. | ||
| I don't want a plastic toupee that pretends to be... | ||
| Okay, I could see that. | ||
| Get the fuck out of here, plastic toupee that pretends to be plants. | ||
| I want grass or dirt. | ||
| If you saw my lawn, my lawn is all weeds. | ||
| Fuck your lawn, bro. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, dude, don't talk about my lawn like that. | |
| I'll fucking cut you. | ||
| Yeah, there's a... | ||
| I mean, would you want to do your lawn in the fake grass? | ||
| I'm getting a quote. | ||
| If it's a good price, I'm going to do it. | ||
| Because I try to do grass, and it's been a nightmare. | ||
| I can't get these weeds to get out of my face. | ||
| Don't be a pussy. | ||
| One dude in my neighborhood has fake grass, and I swear to God, when I take my dog, he's a nice fellow, I'm sure, no harm against him. | ||
| He's got a house with fake grass in the front. | ||
| My dog pisses on it every time. | ||
| He's like, what is this? | ||
| He just pisses on it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's trash. | |
| He steps in it, and like you can see, he looks down at his feet and goes, what the fuck is this? | ||
| This isn't even grass. | ||
| He pisses on it every time he walks by it. | ||
| That thing must smell terrible. | ||
| Actually, how do I get the dog crap out of it? | ||
| You can't get the dog crap out of it. | ||
| It stays forever, and then it becomes a new thing. | ||
| Oh, for God. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I hate my life. | |
| It becomes a new bacteria. | ||
| It leaps hosts. | ||
| I'll be patient zero for the next COVID-20. | ||
| I mean, I'm sure they make it where you can't tell, but nothing's growing through that, man. | ||
| You're covering over the earth. | ||
| I wish I had a picture of my lawn, and I think you'd feel different. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, I wouldn't. | |
| It's a disaster. | ||
| I don't give a fuck. | ||
| I don't think you care at all. | ||
| I think you care about my lawn. | ||
| No, I'd be like, put some time into it, or don't. | ||
| Don't cover it with some plastic. | ||
| I put so much time. | ||
| I just want it to be... | ||
| I may put just... | ||
| I don't know what to do. | ||
| Who cares? | ||
| Anyway, listen. | ||
| Isn't it strange, though, that a garden is so much more pleasant than just plants that you see on your own? | ||
| Like, a garden is like, I put this into the ground and gave it life. | ||
| Look at my tomato plants. | ||
| I think you could eat your... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's cool. | ||
| Have you ever had a salad from your own yard? | ||
| No. | ||
| It's weirdly satisfying, man. | ||
| Weirdly satisfying. | ||
| Got an orange from a tree. | ||
| That's great, too. | ||
| Yeah, an orange from your own tree. | ||
| That's awesome. | ||
| Yeah, it's nothing to be neighbors. | ||
| But it's something about, like, if you can grow the lettuce, grow the tomatoes, grow some bell peppers and some onions, grow all that stuff, mix it together with a little balsamic vinaigrette, grow the carrots, chop them up, put them in the salad, and you're eating that salad. | ||
| You're like, holy shit, I grew this thing. | ||
| This is crazy. | ||
| Do you know what I thought? | ||
| I just think baby carrots were baby carrots. | ||
| What are they? | ||
| They're carrots. | ||
| They just made small. | ||
| They're just really little? | ||
| No, they just got actual carrots and they shaved them small. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| There's no baby carrots? | ||
| I might be wrong. | ||
| I may be trolled. | ||
| That's the people that are assholes. | ||
| They're telling you it's a baby carrot. | ||
| It's an old grandpa carrot. | ||
| I'm wondering. | ||
| They shaved down grandpa carrot. | ||
| Oh, man. | ||
| It's hard for me to put on weight. | ||
| I go all gut. | ||
| This way, my whole family is these giant barrels and then twig legs. | ||
| And then they come... | ||
| Waltzing up. | ||
| It looks disgusting. | ||
| So I'm constantly fighting it. | ||
| And you know my neck? | ||
| Here's a quick story. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| I woke up one day. | ||
| Here's a dream I was having. | ||
| I was turning... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Cut out of bed. | |
| I'm turning the top of a Coke can. | ||
| The top off. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Wrench. | ||
| Can't get it off. | ||
| Six-foot can. | ||
| I wake up with my... | ||
| Six-foot can of Coke? | ||
| Bottle of Coke. | ||
| It's a dream I'm having. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| I wake... | ||
| They're so expensive. | ||
| Really bad for you. | ||
| A lot of calories. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sorry. | |
| So I wake up with my hands wrapped around my head. | ||
| I was twisting my own head. | ||
| That's so crazy. | ||
| So I go to the doctor feeling like an idiot. | ||
| Oh my god, that's so crazy. | ||
| They x-rayed my neck, you know, and they put it on the wall and this doctor was rubbing his chin looking at my neck. | ||
| You don't want a doctor confused looking at your skeletal bone. | ||
| Yeah, you want him super confident. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Everything looks normal. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And he goes, Jonathan! | ||
| Calls another guy in. | ||
| And now they're both just like looking at my neck and I'm thinking I'm dying. | ||
| Imagine if you were a doctor and some guy comes in and he's a patient. | ||
| And you say, well, I just got to give you a little x-ray and check to see what's going on. | ||
| And you x-ray him. | ||
| And he's got all these weird bones he's not supposed to have. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And this entire spinal structure is totally different. | ||
| Everything's different. | ||
| The whole thing's different. | ||
| And the doctor looks at him and goes, what? | ||
| What's going on here? | ||
|
unidentified
|
And he goes, shut the fuck up. | |
| This is another good porn movie. | ||
| Because he's from another planet. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He's infiltrating. | ||
| And then the nurses come in and blow him. | ||
| Yeah, they all suck his dick. | ||
| And there's peace in the galaxy again. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| So he looks at... | ||
| And the lumberjack women showed up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| The lumberjills. | ||
| This has just been a podcast of great porn. | ||
| Someone's scribbling. | ||
| Some porn writer's doing a lot of scribbling. | ||
| I hope so. | ||
| It was funny. | ||
| I texted Tom Segura. | ||
| Did I text him or did I put it online? | ||
| I think I might have tweeted it. | ||
| Has anybody made COVID porn yet? | ||
| Tom Segura immediately, immediately texts me a photo of this lady with a fucking COVID mask on and some guy's grabbing her ass. | ||
| I'm like, this is crazy. | ||
| So then he sends me a link and I go to it and there's a COVID porn like two days after lockdown. | ||
| They've already got something produced. | ||
| How many views? | ||
| I'm just curious. | ||
| Billions of views now. | ||
| Billions. | ||
| Everyone's jerked off to it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'll have to get on that. | ||
| Imagine. | ||
| That's the thrill. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Might get a virus. | ||
| Fucking during a pandemic. | ||
| It is kind of hot. | ||
| Women covering up. | ||
| Anything they covered up. | ||
| Even they used to cover up their ankles. | ||
| We were like, man, I gotta see those ankles. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| It was risky to show your ankles, you dirty whore. | ||
| Now they're covering their mouths. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They have a lot of power. | ||
| But again, it's the change of culture. | ||
| Like we were talking about. | ||
| Just imagine living in a time just a few hundred years ago where women had to cover their ankles. | ||
| Like you have a blouse that goes all the way down to the floor. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| But people were so animalistic. | ||
| I bet men were so out of control and disgusting that you kind of had to obscure the shape of your body or they would just try to rape you. | ||
| Oh, man. | ||
| I bet hundreds of years ago, like most guys raped. | ||
| That's what I think. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I bet if you go back like 4,000 years ago, I think rape is like insanely common. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Insanely common. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Like when they talk about Genghis Khan and his DNA is in something like 5% of all Asian people. | ||
| The perv men rape DNA gets spread. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| And it's in all of us. | ||
| But the balance is the scientists don't get pussy so they don't get distracted. | ||
| And so they figure things out. | ||
| Those big gigantic football player dudes that are just fucking... | ||
| Storm style just like rawr like a fucking sandstorm just throwing dick all over the place. | ||
| Those guys don't invent anything. | ||
| No. | ||
| It's like you almost need to have no distractions and the best way to have no distractions is no one wants to fuck you. | ||
| We'll be right back. | ||
| I mean, nobody wants to say this, right? | ||
| But when you think of, like, weird sort of antisocial behavior, people getting locked into an online world, people getting disconnected from human beings, you know, all of this is... | ||
| That's not a good trend. | ||
| That that's happening more than ever. | ||
| And then with COVID, it gets ramped up even more because you have to do it that way. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I feel like I went... | ||
| Full circle on the being stuck alone. | ||
| And now I was lonely for a little while, and now I'm fine. | ||
| I don't know if maybe I'm turning into a psychopath. | ||
| Yeah, you're about there. | ||
| You're right about at the door. | ||
| I'm a psychopathic guy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I'm surfing. | ||
| That's an insane thing to do. | ||
| I'm zooming. | ||
| Surfing looks like it's so fun. | ||
| Even being terrible at it is so fun. | ||
| You just wipe out, and it's so fun. | ||
| Oh, I didn't finish my neck story. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, your neck. | |
| We're high. | ||
| Yeah, we're super high. | ||
| We're super high. | ||
| Sorry, folks. | ||
| Sorry, folks. | ||
| Feel free to... | ||
| I went off on an alien autopsy. | ||
| Sorry. | ||
| It's not a great story. | ||
| It's just if someone's listening, they might be like, what happened to your neck? | ||
| Right. | ||
| The doctor turns to me and he goes... | ||
| Because I was like, what is it? | ||
| Am I dying? | ||
| And he goes, you have the neck of a seven-foot man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| That's the end of that story. | ||
| So you have a very long neck. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Why I brought this up, I'll never know. | ||
| I think I was talking about my weird body. | ||
| Don't, now you're looking at my neck. | ||
| It's normal. | ||
| I'm hunching, I gotta hunch it. | ||
| Yeah, you gotta just, like a wrestler. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Like a pro wrestler. | ||
| I wanna come back, because the Handsome app also makes my shoulders big and stuff, and it's cool. | ||
| CRISPR was just used to successfully treat some disease. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| I bought CRISPR. I don't have many stocks, but I got CRISPR and Tesla. | ||
| Oh, good moves. | ||
| What was it, Jamie? | ||
| He said he bought it. | ||
| I was like, okay. | ||
| Stock, bro. | ||
| Yeah, that's a lot of money. | ||
| How much do you have? | ||
| Jesus, you bought CRISPR and Tesla? | ||
| Holy fuck, bro. | ||
| But here it is. | ||
| Three people with inherited diseases successfully treated with CRISPR. So this is what the real... | ||
| Fascinating thing about CRISPR is is that they're going to be able to cure a bunch of diseases through it and here it is two people with a bait boy say that word beta Thalassemia Thalassemia and one with sickle cell disease no longer require blood transfusions which are normally used to retreat to treat severe forms of these inherited diseases and After their bone marrow stem cells were gene-edited with CRISPR. Dude, | ||
| they fucking edited their bone marrow stem cells. | ||
| That's where we're going. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| The preliminary results demonstrate, in essence, a functional cure for patients with beta thalassemia and sickle cell anemia. | ||
| A functional cure. | ||
| So they figured out a fucking cure for sickle cell, man. | ||
| Yeah, I think this is where... | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| That is crazy. | ||
| I think you're going to go to your doctor with your genes soon. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| I think what we're looking at now is the tip of the iceberg, the beginning steps of this kind of technology. | ||
| They're going to be able to edit people. | ||
| They're going to be able to make you the rock. | ||
| You're going to look like the rock. | ||
| Can they shrink my neck? | ||
| They're going to shrink your... | ||
| No, they're going to give you a body to match your neck. | ||
| The rock. | ||
| I'll be seven feet tall, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, you have to be the rock. | ||
| I saw The Rock years ago. | ||
| He's at my gym at Gold's. | ||
| We're going like 2001, like early Young Rock, before he was. | ||
| Guy got a stack of hamburgers. | ||
| Probably 12 hamburgers, you say. | ||
| He's enormous. | ||
| You don't realize how enormous it is until you see him in real life. | ||
| You're like, oh, criminy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But in the future, like that's an anomaly to be that big, like as big as he is and handsome and so charismatic. | ||
| But all those things are an anomaly for them all to be together. | ||
| But what if you could just edit someone's genes and turn them into a specimen like The Rock? | ||
| Be real weird, man. | ||
| Oh, you think they could edit how you come out? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes, I think so. | |
| I think they're going to be able to edit how you are. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Jesus, son! | ||
| That's America! | ||
| He's got a fucking flag in the background. | ||
| Built like a brick shithouse. | ||
| Determined. | ||
| Covered with real sweat that he earned. | ||
| You fucks. | ||
| That's an American. | ||
| You pansy-ass fucks. | ||
| That's the greatest American that's ever lived. | ||
| I mean, I think it might be tough to edit your jawline or something. | ||
| No, they're going to just inject you with some fucking... | ||
| Super architectural. | ||
| Oh, the whole thing they have mapped out. | ||
| You pick what you want to look like. | ||
| Map out your frame. | ||
| And then you just shake like... | ||
| Do you remember that movie with... | ||
| God damn it. | ||
| I'm going to remember what it is. | ||
| It was a Vietnam movie. | ||
| A real trippy movie. | ||
|
unidentified
|
With... | |
| The guy that was in Shawshank Redemption. | ||
| What was his name? | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Oh, crap. | ||
| The white guy. | ||
| Tim Robbins. | ||
| Tim Robbins. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Tim Robbins was in a Vietnam movie... | ||
| Where they gave the... | ||
| Jacob's Ladder? | ||
| Jacob's Ladder, that's right. | ||
| The idea was that the whole movie I don't want spoiler alert was kind of like LSD or some psychedelic induced dream that the government gave him a psychedelic and gave him this crazy induced fucked up dream But you that's how you'd go So they would put you in some fucking cocoon, and you'd shake like this LSD people in Jacob's lab, like... | ||
| And then, boom! | ||
| You'd come out the rock. | ||
| That's what's gonna happen. | ||
| There's gonna be no exceptional people. | ||
| There's gonna be no people that are any different. | ||
| Everyone is gonna be perfect. | ||
| But then it's going to be like living in that Jay-Z video every day. | ||
| Everyone's going to get bored. | ||
| I don't believe that's going to happen. | ||
| It's going to happen. | ||
| We're going to fuck it up. | ||
| We're going to fuck it up like we fucked up the environment and the ocean and birth control. | ||
| We fucked up everything. | ||
| Like we fucked up everything we've ever done. | ||
| We're going to fuck it up because we fuck up everything. | ||
| We fuck up everything and then we figure out what we fucked up and then we try to unfuck it. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Well, I'll tell you this is what's next. | ||
|
unidentified
|
There it is. | |
| Jacob's Ladder. | ||
| 1990. And this we will for sure fuck up. | ||
| Because with the Tesla car and they're solving vision now, they're going to be able to put this in robots. | ||
| They'll be able to walk around your house and make your sandwich. | ||
| And when you get a robot girlfriend or boyfriend that can make you laugh, has all this information, does do all this. | ||
| She's nice. | ||
| And then when you want to be alone, she goes into the closet and turns off. | ||
| What is this going to do with relationships? | ||
| Well, it depends if you're a bitch or not. | ||
| It's basically the same thing as the other things we're talking about. | ||
| You can't live in a Jay-Z movie forever! | ||
| You can't have the fucking hot maid that just sucks your dick anytime you want. | ||
| You have to have a relationship with an actual human being. | ||
| Well, now, wait a minute. | ||
| I'm talking about... | ||
| That's more fun than the robot fuck doll lady cleaner of your house. | ||
| But, Joe, you could program robot fuck lady to be kind of a bitch sometimes. | ||
| Like, you can program it to the point where you don't notice difference. | ||
| Wouldn't be real. | ||
| It wouldn't be her decision. | ||
| You want a human. | ||
| You're always going to be annoyed with something that's not a human. | ||
| It's going to be too easy. | ||
| It's like playing a game of Quake with God Mode on, where you can't be killed and you're just running over everything. | ||
| You get bored. | ||
| Part of the fun is you can get shot in the head. | ||
| But it's like a chess app. | ||
| You go to the higher level. | ||
| No. | ||
| It's not real, though. | ||
| You know it's not real. | ||
| Until you don't. | ||
| And then when you don't, it becomes effective again. | ||
| But while you know it's not real, you're never going to accept it. | ||
| Well, you know this robot lady will just suck your dick. | ||
| You're like, suck my dick, robot lady! | ||
| You can't even get hard. | ||
| It's your own cock. | ||
| She gets a little spicy with you. | ||
| You don't want that, man. | ||
| It seems like you want that because you can't have, you know, what that is. | ||
| You can't have a beautiful woman who's like wearing lingerie, who just does whatever you want. | ||
| It's like, no person wants that. | ||
| But you're still thinking she's going to do what you want. | ||
| You can program her to be exactly like your last... | ||
| But then why am I paying for her to just be a regular person? | ||
| This is bullshit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You could change it. | |
| I could just get a regular person. | ||
| She could be from the South one week with blonde hair. | ||
| Look, you're in a good relationship, but imagine guys who can't get laid. | ||
| That is where I think we need to remove part of their brain so they believe that robot's real. | ||
| I'm not against that, actually. | ||
| And the robot's programmed to make them a better person. | ||
| The robot is programmed to be almost like a great woman in your life is, inspires you to be a better version of who you are. | ||
| I think this is what's gonna happen. | ||
| Yes, we could do that, but they have to be morons. | ||
| They have to be morons or the robots have to be way better than they are right now. | ||
| The simulation has to be better than actual reality so that you initially submit to it. | ||
| I disagree. | ||
| Yeah, it's like a Republican tax plan they talk you into. | ||
| Like, listen, eventually this is going to work out in your benefit. | ||
| But right now you've got to submit to leaving all of your consciousness in this alternative recreated dimension. | ||
| Don't worry. | ||
| Your physical body will be safe and fine. | ||
| We're going to offer you a five-minute trial, but here's the pros. | ||
| You never have to worry about your bills again. | ||
| Everything is paid for, and you live like a rock star for the rest of your life. | ||
| And you stay alive the same amount of time. | ||
| So what are you doing? | ||
| Do you really want to just fucking struggle and get beat up by the cops and fucking lose your job because of corporate and they're downsizing, they don't give a fuck how much money you put in this fucking company? | ||
| Would you want to do it the hard way? | ||
| Or would you want to stay alive the same amount of time, but we just connect you to a machine, and the memories and life that we give you is far more exciting. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| You're a superhero. | ||
| You're the king of the world. | ||
| You're on top of everything. | ||
| You live like you're Dr. Manhattan. | ||
| But it's not binary like that. | ||
| You can have something a little in between. | ||
| Maybe not. | ||
| Maybe once they hit the switch, they say, listen, just try it. | ||
| Just try it. | ||
| They give you a free weekend. | ||
| They give you a free weekend. | ||
| They 100% give you a free weekend. | ||
| And everybody gets it. | ||
| Everybody. | ||
| You get the first hit free. | ||
| But I thought Mike liked working at the sawmill. | ||
| He doesn't anymore. | ||
| He wants to be Dr. Manhattan. | ||
| He wants to be one of the watchmen. | ||
| He wants to be on Mars, just jerking off. | ||
| That's what he wants to do. | ||
| I wonder how popular that one would be. | ||
| Oh yeah, I picked the Mars Jerkoff package. | ||
| Do you think we're in a simulation? | ||
| I'm way too stupid to know. | ||
| But smart people do. | ||
| Elon does. | ||
| Again, go back to Elon. | ||
| He thinks we're in a simulation. | ||
| Okay, so he's smarter than both of us. | ||
| I should say this, I don't want to put words in his mouth. | ||
| I think he's very open to entertaining the idea that we're in a simulation and that it's very possible that we're in a simulation. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| But I think it's a factor of what actual life is. | ||
| That's what I think. | ||
| What do you mean? | ||
| I think what we're thinking of, us being in a simulation, I think maybe we need to look at it even bigger. | ||
| Like maybe that's a factor of what life is. | ||
| That life always has this weird, fucked up, theatrical quality. | ||
| It always feels fake. | ||
| And it's influenced a certain amount by the way we think. | ||
| Not just, it's not just a physical thing. | ||
| Just like when people are mad at you, it feels terrible. | ||
| Like if you said something at work to a guy and you regret it and you got to go there the next day and see him and you got to run into him and we feel bad, we feel bad, I feel bad. | ||
| Like people feel bad when they have bad interactions with each other. | ||
| We're not just like, we're not just, we're definitely not Individuals that are disconnected from everyone around them. | ||
| If people around you have bad feelings, you feel bad. | ||
| There's no getting around that. | ||
| So there's some shit going on with people. | ||
| It's way deeper than just words and looking at each other. | ||
| There's like energy that's being transferred back and forth between people. | ||
| It just hasn't been defined yet. | ||
| Well, I'm definitely a little high. | ||
| That was really hard for me to follow. | ||
| But also... | ||
| They found recently—we are pixels. | ||
| Do you know that? | ||
| The smallest—the plank length, I think it's called, or like a triangle. | ||
| So you literally could make this. | ||
| You actually—you don't touch anything. | ||
| You know that, too. | ||
| You never actually touch anything. | ||
| Atoms don't touch. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I mean, that's another—there's some things that are disturbing. | ||
| But if someone touches you, they touch you. | ||
| By that, you could say, no one ever rapes anybody. | ||
| It's just like, no one ever touches. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Well, I guess you have to define the word touch. | ||
| No one ever beats anybody up. | ||
| You can't touch each other. | ||
| No assault is real. | ||
| No car accidents are real, because no one ever touches anybody. | ||
| I'm still offended you don't care about my lawn, but listen. | ||
| I do, I just don't want to be plastic. | ||
| The point is, they're gonna make robots, robot girlfriends, and I don't know which sex, this is a good question for you to answer, which sex will be more mad? | ||
| The females got these guys who have these robots that are, they're not dating anymore because they love this, or women, or will men be mad because women are totally satisfied with this guy that's like, what happened at work, what? | ||
| Oh, Teresa's a bitch. | ||
| What if all the robots that the women chose were seven-foot Jamaican dudes with dreadlocks? | ||
| That's what they wanted. | ||
| That was like the most popular robot fuck dolls for ladies. | ||
| They're called Opposite Kyle's. | ||
| Just giant, super athlete, big dong fellas with dreadlocks. | ||
| Probably. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Those would sell well. | ||
| I mean... | ||
| White guys would be so mad. | ||
| Everybody would be mad. | ||
| A lot of dudes would be upset. | ||
| You think about how many old people are sad and lonely. | ||
| Their wife died, their husband died. | ||
| And then you can give them this... | ||
| Viking dick. | ||
| Giant dude. | ||
| Just a huge blonde man. | ||
| Bang your grandmother. | ||
| With scars on his face. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| His shoulders have dried blood splattered on him. | ||
| And he just gorilla fucks your grandmother. | ||
| He listens good to her, too. | ||
| He gets so hard looking at her, too. | ||
| And he wants to know about her stories. | ||
| Oh, he gets so hard... | ||
| When she crochets, it gets hard as a rock. | ||
| Can you imagine? | ||
| You got your grandmother a fucking Viking robot fuck doll. | ||
| Oh, what a gift. | ||
| He shows up with wolf skins around his shoulders and shit. | ||
| Your grandma here? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Yes, Thor. | ||
| She's right this way. | ||
| Just dragging a fucking axe with him as he walks in the house. | ||
| I think we're 20 years away from this. | ||
| I don't think that's ridiculous. | ||
| It's not ridiculous because here's the thing, man. | ||
| If you think about what makes someone attracted to someone, right? | ||
| If you say, okay, well, a guy would be attracted to a woman who has a great personality and she's fun to be around. | ||
| She's got a pretty face and a nice body. | ||
| But that's some evolutionary code. | ||
| The same reason why a woman is attracted to a big, giant, strong man. | ||
| Like, that's good genes. | ||
| Like, there's some evolutionary code. | ||
| What if they got in there with the CRISPR and just fucking monkey wrenched that shit, and you're only sexually attracted to dying people? | ||
| Like, that's it. | ||
| Like, they could send you to, like, a cancer ward, and you just go on a fuckfest. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because that's your thing. | ||
| Your syphilis run. | ||
| And these dudes that live in this cancer ward, they're, like, dying, you know? | ||
| But if some hot robot lady that they programmed... | ||
| Or that some person, they just programmed their genes to be attracted to that. | ||
| That person thing, though, you'd ruin that person's life. | ||
| But a robot... | ||
| Yeah, a robot would be... | ||
| Victimless. | ||
| But what if the robot's so good that it's really indistinguishable from a person? | ||
| Then when does the robot have rights? | ||
| We gotta get on this robot. | ||
| Look, man, we can't make that mistake. | ||
| You know, as human beings, we've already decided that other humans that aren't like us are not equal to us. | ||
| What if we eventually invent a fucking robot that has all the characteristics of us, including it feels pain and has emotions, and we decide that it's not? | ||
| Oh my God, have we not learned from all of the years of horrors that we've inflicted upon our fellow man, we're gonna now do this to these sentient robots? | ||
| But we gotta try to make them. | ||
| We're not gonna stop. | ||
| I always go to that scene in Ex Machina when that lady just leaves. | ||
| When she hops in that helicopter, she just leaves. | ||
| And he's, open the door, he knows he's gonna suffocate in there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He's pounded on that big, thick plexiglass. | ||
| You know he's never getting out. | ||
| And she just, no emotion, walks towards the helicopter. | ||
| What if this is a simulation and this has happened over and over, our job is to create the machines that then, like our purpose we find out is to create the machines. | ||
| That makes a lot of sense. | ||
| And this just happens over and over. | ||
| These little beings that get a little smart and then they make us again and then we make another universe. | ||
| I had a joke that I did a long time ago about the Big Bang Theory. | ||
| That like, what if the Big Bang Theory is just like what people figure out? | ||
| Like they get to a point where someone, it takes like 14 billion years, they get to the point where something can invent a button, you press that button, it resets time. | ||
| And then they're all sitting around staring at it. | ||
| And one dude, he's got autism, and he's on Red Bull, and no one's ever touched his dick. | ||
| And he's like, fuck it, I'll press it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Boom! | |
| And he presses that button and bang! | ||
| The whole universe explodes and then contracts and then starts all over again. | ||
| And it's a big bang. | ||
| And every 14 plus billion years, we figure out how to make a big bang. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I mean, maybe we've... | ||
| If you think about what we're doing and what we used to be able to do, think about when I was talking about the Comanches and that pistol, there was a big deal in 1840 that someone figured out how to make a revolver, right? | ||
| That ain't shit now. | ||
| You keep going way, way, way, way, way, way, way into the future. | ||
| Why is a big bang button preposterous? | ||
| I don't think it is. | ||
| No, and we're clearly missing so much information, like the big bang. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| I need way more information. | ||
| Dude, it used to be how small? | ||
| Right. | ||
| The whole universe was smaller than the head of a pin. | ||
| In the gut, and our guts aren't right a lot, but it just doesn't seem, it seems like there's a huge piece. | ||
| Bro, I put that story right up there with Elisha and the two bears. | ||
| Oh yeah? | ||
| Same story. | ||
| Yeah, who the fuck knows what happened? | ||
| But we know... | ||
| Elisha and the she-bears killed the 42 boys. | ||
| We got some data, at least. | ||
| The she-bears got zero. | ||
| Yeah, we have this sound that's coming from 14 billion years ago, whatever it is, 13.9 billion years ago. | ||
| The weird thing is we're missing gravity. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| Where does that go? | ||
| Well, not just that. | ||
| What about dark matter? | ||
| Explain that to me. | ||
| Dark matter and dark energy. | ||
| Explain it. | ||
| They don't really know. | ||
| They know what it does. | ||
| They know the impact it has. | ||
| Yeah, that's why they call it dark matter because they're dark on it. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| I had fun interviewing my dad on tonight's episode of Triggered. | ||
| We covered many topics, but there was only one thing I really wanted to know. | ||
| Are aliens real? | ||
| Fair question. | ||
| Hold on. | ||
| Hold on. | ||
| Scroll down. | ||
| This is the only thing I really want to know. | ||
| I want to know what's going on. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Would you ever open up Roswell and let us know what's really going on? | |
| He's terrified of his dad. | ||
| It's a teaser. | ||
| It's coming out tonight. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh my god. | |
| Son of a bitch. | ||
| They got us. | ||
| They got us. | ||
| They got us! | ||
| Aliens? | ||
| No, these fucking... | ||
| These people got us to tune into this event. | ||
| I do want to see that. | ||
| They got us. | ||
| They cut it off right at the very... | ||
| If it's so important, can't you tell us? | ||
| What's with the suspense? | ||
| You're supposed to be the president. | ||
| This isn't about ratings. | ||
| Are you an alien? | ||
| Do you think aliens are here? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| What are you basing that on? | ||
| Just my imagination and hopes and dreams. | ||
| I say no way, and I'll tell you why. | ||
| First of all, people understood how far away things other stars are. | ||
| Oh my god, you're so right. | ||
| If people understood the idea of sending a video from a phone to another phone in a matter of seconds, do you know how crazy that is? | ||
| That sounds impossible. | ||
| It can't be done. | ||
| First of all, what's a video? | ||
| How is it made? | ||
| And how does it go through the air and land perfectly on Kyle's phone? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Airdrop? | |
| What the fuck is an airdrop? | ||
| All those things... | ||
| Do not disclaim what I'm saying. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Don't... | |
| You know, there are times when you wish you were smarter. | ||
| Yes, every day. | ||
| I just was a little bit... | ||
| No, but... | ||
| Discredit, right. | ||
| The speed of light, you physically can't go faster because your mass would be infinite. | ||
| So we got our closest stars four light years away. | ||
| It takes a second for light to go to the moon. | ||
| It took us almost a week to get there going 18,000 miles an hour. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| We think of... | ||
| Going for four years, I just... | ||
| And also, if you've got to go that far, aren't you going to say hello and you're not just going to be in the sky and disappear? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Well, everything you said is very good, very important. | ||
| I don't think that all we know about propulsion and the ability to travel through space and time... | ||
| The same as a civilization that's been around for thousands of years longer than us. | ||
| So if there is a civilization out there, and I'm not saying there is, but if scientists believe that there should be, I mean there was a recent thing they were talking about, they're doing some sort of an equation about our own galaxy that said there might be as many as 36 intelligent life forms in terms of planets occupied by intelligent life forms in our galaxy. | ||
| So they don't really know, they're just kind of guessing. | ||
| But you gotta assume that if it happened once, in the right set of circumstances, it could happen again, if given enough time, and the planet doesn't get blown up. | ||
| Now, if what we know about people in 2020, I mean, we're talking about sending videos through the air, and fucking SpaceX is shooting people into space again, docking at the space station, and... | ||
| There's a lot of crazy shit we're doing that didn't exist at all 100 years ago. | ||
| So if we went 1,000 years from now, how fucking bonkers would be the inventions? | ||
| You've got to assume that each invention exponentially encourages more inventions to branch off of it. | ||
| But... | ||
| It doesn't always... | ||
| I mean, when you look at... | ||
| We started off with planes, you know, the Wright brothers, and then we very quickly get into propellers and jet engines, and then we were rocketing, you know, to the moon, and like this. | ||
| And then... | ||
| So we were like, oh, in 85, we'll have flying cars, because that was the trajectory. | ||
| And it just went... | ||
| Well, they do have flying cars. | ||
| They just don't use them. | ||
| And they're not very good. | ||
| But they do exist. | ||
| You can do it. | ||
| But the ones that we were imagining would be in the 80s. | ||
| Yeah, totally. | ||
| I mean, that flattened off. | ||
| But there's also problems of everybody having a helicopter. | ||
| You know, helicopters were supposed to be the next form of transportation. | ||
| When a helicopter was invented, it was invented to... | ||
| People thought it was going to replace the car. | ||
| You're going to be able to just fucking... | ||
| Fly around in a helicopter. | ||
| Everyone in their neighborhood is so badass. | ||
| They'd be so mad at you. | ||
| This fucking twat always lands a fucking helicopter when I'm trying to take a nap. | ||
| But that's, I think, it's still, it doesn't mean we can't do it. | ||
| Everybody could have a helicopter. | ||
| It's just not practical. | ||
| People can't afford it. | ||
| You can't land them. | ||
| The sky can't be full of helicopters the way the goddamn road is filled with cars. | ||
| We'd be dying. | ||
| We'd be slamming into each other left and right. | ||
| How would you make clear lanes and paths? | ||
| Maybe it could be done. | ||
| Maybe it could be done in the future. | ||
| Maybe it'll be more efficient or more energy efficient or won't, you know, it'll be electric so it won't fuck up the environment or something. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| But they can do it. | ||
| I mean, on the alien thing, I 100% think there's life on other planets. | ||
| I mean, just they found every star that they've looked at. | ||
| You know, they've got telescopes that have planets around it. | ||
| They didn't know that until recently. | ||
| So then you have to multiply how many more chances there are of life. | ||
| And it's... | ||
| Well, not only that. | ||
| It would be bizarre if it wasn't. | ||
| The pictures they have of these planets are dog shit. | ||
| They're nothing. | ||
| They're nothing. | ||
| You can see pictures of the moon, and they're awesome pictures. | ||
| But pictures of planets in other galaxies? | ||
| You get like a speck. | ||
| You get like a speck, or they just, they recognize by the way the sun wobbles sometimes. | ||
| They find, yeah, they find what the star is, and they recognize that there's like a certain kind of a wobble to the image that's coming, so they talk. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Pretty cool. | |
| Yeah, pretty cool. | ||
| So they figure out that a planet's circling it, but there's no like real good photos. | ||
| We have photos of Venus. | ||
| It's insane, right? | ||
| Like Saturn or Jupiter. | ||
| Jupiter's photos are amazing, man. | ||
| Pull up a photo of Jupiter. | ||
| I have a telescope. | ||
| Look at Saturn, man. | ||
| See, that's a photo that we have. | ||
| Just imagine if you were floating around near that thing and you could look at it and realize here's this lifeless, massive object that shares a solar system with us. | ||
| I have a telescope on my lawn. | ||
| I can see Saturn's rings. | ||
| Can you really? | ||
| And I can see Jupiter's moons. | ||
| Oh, dude, you're one of those guys. | ||
| It's 845 million miles. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Pull out the Jupiter photo. | ||
| I remember there was an event that happened. | ||
| I don't remember what year it was, but a giant asteroid slammed into Jupiter. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| And they realized, like, oh, wait a minute. | ||
| They are way bigger than we thought. | ||
| Like, when that happens, an asteroid slammed into Jupiter and the explosion was larger than the size of the Earth. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They have pictures of that. | ||
| I think that's true. | ||
| Yeah, they do. | ||
| I might have made that up. | ||
| No, you're right, I think. | ||
| Look at that, man. | ||
| Like, that's the impact. | ||
| We need that big planet. | ||
| Look how it changed the color of the stripe. | ||
| I heard that we wouldn't be here without Jupiter because it scoops up a lot of the asteroids. | ||
| Yeah, apparently it's so massive that it sucks things into it. | ||
| It said, each SL9 nucleus hurled material into space which left a large scar when it fell onto Jupiter. | ||
| God, it's so amazing to think that there's these enormous Miami-sized rocks. | ||
| Just flying through space. | ||
| And they could just slam into us. | ||
| And then everything's off. | ||
| Everything's off. | ||
| The electricity, the power, the lights, the sun. | ||
| You can't breathe. | ||
| You know, if you're anywhere near the impact, you're dead instantly. | ||
| Anywhere near, hundreds of miles, thousands of miles. | ||
| Even in the atmosphere, I hear you burn up just from the heat of it. | ||
| Dude, you're so fucked. | ||
| You're so triple-double fucked. | ||
| That volcano that you were talking about earlier? | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| When's that supposed to blow up? | ||
| Because that'll kill everybody, right? | ||
| It's a caldera. | ||
| Supervolcano. | ||
| It's a volcano that they didn't realize was a volcano until, like, they started using satellites, I believe. | ||
| They just thought that it was, like, seismically active. | ||
| Hot springs. | ||
| Yeah, beautiful. | ||
| So pretty. | ||
| Dankjewiden. | ||
| And then one day, is that the actual impact? | ||
| Oh my god, you can see the impact. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Watch how it hits. | ||
| And it breaks up. | ||
| Back it up. | ||
| Watch this. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| Here's how it hits. | ||
| The gravity breaks it up, I think, before it hits. | ||
| And so there's like a bunch of old pockmarks. | ||
| Boom, boom, boom, boom. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| So that explosion apparently was the size of the Earth. | ||
| What if that wasn't what it was? | ||
| Find out if that's true. | ||
| I could maybe use aliens, bro. | ||
| Find out if that's true. | ||
| Was that explosion the size of the Earth? | ||
| I think we shouldn't check any of what we were saying, just in case. | ||
| Let's just not check. | ||
| Assume we're right. | ||
| I don't know if I'm right, but I think it's somewhere in that range. | ||
| But if that hit us, man, that's a rapper. | ||
| I think the red dot's about our size, the red storm. | ||
| And the thing is, man, there's fucking holes all over this planet where it hit. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Things hit here all the time. | ||
| There's like no rhyme or reason to it either. | ||
| It's not like they wouldn't hit us, man. | ||
| We're like really close to 5G nationwide. | ||
| They don't give a fuck. | ||
| Those rocks are flying out of nowhere. | ||
| And by the way, if you really want to see an end to racism, it'll be when a giant rock is coming from the sky to kill us all. | ||
| Then you realize how stupid it was to care. | ||
| That's what's going to happen. | ||
| What were we all trying to feel different? | ||
| Racism, sexism, any kind of discrimination, homophobia, all of it's going to seem so stupid when you see a rock flying out of the sky. | ||
| They're like, my God, I've been so distracted! | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't know if they can even knock those things out. | ||
| That was a little exaggeration. | ||
| It says one group of astronomers estimated the object to be 16.5 to 65 feet across. | ||
| Oh, same size. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Roughly. | |
| But the explosion. | ||
| Didn't they say the explosion was some massive amount? | ||
| I thought I remembered that too, but that's not what I'm seeing. | ||
| What are they saying about the size of the explosion, though? | ||
| Because that was the thing that they were stunned by. | ||
| They were stunned by the actual size of the impact area, even though it is a gas giant. | ||
| So I don't know how the fuck it even... | ||
| What is happening? | ||
| What's happening when it hasn't... | ||
| Maybe there's a hard core at the bottom. | ||
| Probably, right? | ||
| I don't even know. | ||
| How stupid am I? It's a gas giant. | ||
| It's just a gas giant. | ||
| I would say that real confidently if I knew someone was going to question me. | ||
| I'd be like, well, you know, Jupiter's a gas giant. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| I'm very confident when my work can't be checked. | ||
| Venus, hottest planet in the solar system, and it's not the closest, and it's because of greenhouse gases. | ||
| Is that true? | ||
| Which we're pumping into our atmosphere. | ||
| Wow. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We are. | |
| You can melt metal on the surface of Venus. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Things. | ||
| I do notice more fires. | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| Well, the climate's certainly shifting. | ||
| But this is my point. | ||
| Not that there's anything wrong with recognizing that we're doing irreparable harm to the atmosphere. | ||
| We definitely are. | ||
| But we also should be aware that even if we weren't, this motherfucker is not stable. | ||
| It's not. | ||
| Even if people had a zero impact on the environment. | ||
| Absolute zero. | ||
| We don't take out. | ||
| We don't put back. | ||
| It's perfect. | ||
| It's a perfect balance and harmony. | ||
| We're still fucked. | ||
| We're gonna die before that, probably. | ||
| Yeah, we're still fucked. | ||
| We need to wrap your head around that. | ||
| I suppose that could be worded that way, that it was an Earth-sized explosion. | ||
| It does say that. | ||
| I mean, when you compare... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hey! | |
| I told you, son. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| I told you, son. | ||
| It would be close to the size. | ||
| I told you, son. | ||
| But isn't the air nice in LA now? | ||
| I mean, I used to have to clean soot off my porch all the time, but now it's like... | ||
| Well, they burnt all those buildings down and just cleaned everything out. | ||
| Which ones? | ||
| All the ones they burnt down. | ||
| Oh, from the riots? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, but the no working is great for the air. | ||
| Terrible for the economy, but super good for the air. | ||
| If you are buying a $30,000 car, you have to buy a Tesla. | ||
| We're doing a Tesla ad. | ||
| A long one, too, right? | ||
| I just feel like... | ||
| Has it been long? | ||
| How much are they paying us? | ||
| A lot. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Good. | |
| They're paying us with... | ||
| He keeps making cool shit. | ||
| It's amazing, though. | ||
| It's all you need. | ||
| Yeah, I just want him to keep making cool stuff and succeed. | ||
| That Roadster is fucking vaporware, though, son. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What do you mean? | |
| When's that thing coming out? | ||
| Oh, they had to push that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The Roadster. | |
| You don't hear a goddamn word. | ||
| I want the Roadster, Elon. | ||
| I love the truck. | ||
| Where's the goddamn Roadster? | ||
| Everything got bumped. | ||
| What? | ||
| Coming? | ||
| This is three days old. | ||
| What is this? | ||
| That's a Taycan, bro. | ||
| That's a Porsche. | ||
| See, new Tesla Roadster next to the Porsche Taycan. | ||
| That's the Roadster? | ||
| It could be a CGI version, which does look like it is. | ||
| Looks super CGI. Doesn't look real. | ||
| Is that really the Roadster? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Oh, it has the roof on it. | ||
| It's not real. | ||
| Oh, I see. | ||
| God damn, it's beautiful though. | ||
| It's gonna have rockets in the back. | ||
| That is what it looks like though, even though that CGI, since my eyes suck anyway, for me, I could be tricked. | ||
| You know what I can't be tricked by though? | ||
| Model cars. | ||
| What do you mean? | ||
| When I see a photo of a model car, even if it's perfect, it's so weird. | ||
| I don't know what that is, but there's a thing going on. | ||
| Something microscopic with the shadows and right, something you're not conscious of. | ||
| Whatever it is, I'm like, bullshit! | ||
| I call fake car. | ||
| But you know what I mean? | ||
| Like, how do you know that a model car is fake, but you do? | ||
| I haven't honestly tried. | ||
| Jamie, please do me a favor. | ||
| Jamie, can you fill some model cars? | ||
| Google. | ||
| What do you got here, buddy? | ||
| I'll tell you. | ||
| The flying Tesla. | ||
| Oh, that's right. | ||
| It lifts off the ground. | ||
| 1.1 second. | ||
| That's not happening. | ||
| 0-60 in 1.1 seconds? | ||
| What in the fuck is that? | ||
| What kind of nonsense was I just talking about? | ||
| What was I just saying? | ||
| I mean, it's just been two hours of nonsense. | ||
| Jamie, anything? | ||
| It's hard to hear and read at the same time. | ||
| Oh, model cars, you can tell. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, that's right. | |
| Please pull up a video, or a picture, rather, of a model car. | ||
| Pull up a... | ||
| Or a real one. | ||
| 1969 Corvette model car. | ||
| Let's see that. | ||
| That sounds pretty reasonable. | ||
| Also, because it's a plastic car. | ||
| Like, the Corvette is actually a plastic vehicle. | ||
| Like, maybe that would be better to look at. | ||
| But Jamie also... | ||
| Or pull up a real one and see if you can tell. | ||
| I'm going to see if I can find a photographer that does magic and see if there's a good photo. | ||
| I don't want to look too hard. | ||
| But just give me a regular one first. | ||
| Just give me a regular one first to base it off of. | ||
| Because instantly you'll know. | ||
| And I don't know how you would ever describe this to other people. | ||
| Let me see if I know. | ||
| That's a real car, bro. | ||
| I know that car. | ||
| That's actually a real car. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| You son of a bitch. | ||
| That's a, what that is, is a, first of all, make that bigger again, because I might take as hard as a rock. | ||
| That is a goddamn beautiful, that is um, generation three. | ||
| That's a generation three Corvette, maybe like uh, I think between 67 and like in the early 70s. | ||
| That one's got the side pipes and they got an extra wide body kit on it. | ||
| And I got a boner. | ||
| That's America, fuck yeah. | ||
| Don't go away from that car. | ||
| Go back to that car, son. | ||
| Go back to that car. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| Go back. | ||
| Go back. | ||
| Here's the thing. | ||
| It's not. | ||
| Because that one's got a bold white stripe right down the fucking nose. | ||
| That's ebony and ivory. | ||
| They live together in perfect harmony on this 1969 Corvette. | ||
| I love the message of that. | ||
| Yes, with side pipes and flared fucking tires! | ||
| That's what you don't get from an electric car is feeling an engine and pulling on a... | ||
| Shifting gears. | ||
| You don't get that. | ||
| You don't get the wildness. | ||
| You don't get any Leonard Skinner going on in the back of your head. | ||
| You just get a... | ||
| But it's still... | ||
| It's better. | ||
| It's like if I had to choose one car to drive for the rest of my life, whether it be a Hot Rod every day or a Tesla, I'd be like, I'm going to take the Tesla. | ||
| I remember the Hot Rod. | ||
| It's going to be always awesome. | ||
| You have the fastest Tesla. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| That's real. | ||
| Also, just never going to the gas station is such a pleasure. | ||
| God, it's so pretty. | ||
| Just pull up a model car. | ||
| Okay, that's a model car. | ||
| I don't... | ||
| Is that a model car? | ||
| It's hard to tell. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's a shitty photo. | |
| Yeah, the steering wheel is... | ||
| It looks a little fake, but it's a shitty photo. | ||
| It's hard to tell. | ||
| The resolution's not very good. | ||
| Go to model car photos. | ||
| That's what I have. | ||
| That's literally what I typed in, and that's not what's coming up. | ||
| Oh, these cunts. | ||
| They're trying to trick you. | ||
| There's one. | ||
| It's not a good picture. | ||
| Alright, let's try model car 65 Mustang. | ||
| Let's try one of those. | ||
| Because the problem with these is, like, there's probably not as many model... | ||
| I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about. | ||
| I mean, I'm sure there's a lot of them. | ||
| I would assume there's got to be an Instagram account. | ||
| Oh, yeah, someone must. | ||
| I know what I will have. | ||
| Click on that green one with the box. | ||
| That's a fake one? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Okay, there you can tell. | ||
| That's a fake. | ||
| It's really small. | ||
| You can't see it. | ||
| That's fake, too, though. | ||
| Yeah, it's hard to tell. | ||
| That looks fake as fuck. | ||
| No, but make it larger. | ||
| That's a perfect example, actually. | ||
| Look. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, something about you is like, nah, player. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right? | |
| You look at that. | ||
| Yeah, what is it, though? | ||
| I don't know, Jamie. | ||
| Look at it. | ||
| What is it? | ||
| Something about that... | ||
| I mean, where it is, it's like in the middle of a white... | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| I know it's little. | ||
| I wonder if you put some people around that and some tire marks. | ||
| No, no, no, no. | ||
| I think even if you CGI'd people onto that picture that were like normal-sized people relative to that car, just keep it still for a second. | ||
| Even if you CGI'd people on that, you would still be like, I don't buy it. | ||
| There's something about the perspective. | ||
| Here's one of the things. | ||
| It's because it's a photograph, right? | ||
| It's not a digital photograph because you look at how it blurs in the background. | ||
| Am I right, Jamie? | ||
| A little. | ||
| A little bit? | ||
| That's just added in. | ||
| Oh, it's added in? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Could be with the camera. | ||
| But I think that's also, you recognize perspective. | ||
| And you're like, just by the way the light is playing off that thing, it seems off. | ||
| Yeah, it does have a force tilt shift perspective, which wouldn't normally happen. | ||
| Which gives things a miniature look. | ||
| Out of the gate, it makes things look fake. | ||
| Right, that might be a real car that they made look fake. | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| It's amazing what happens in your subconscious. | ||
| We're not even sure what's wrong. | ||
| That has no blur on it. | ||
| That is no blur. | ||
| See, that's a shitty picture, though. | ||
| Yeah, I know. | ||
| You really kind of want to look... | ||
| I'll make my Instagram account. | ||
| Yeah, I bet there's a lot of dudes who are seriously into those fucking things. | ||
| Miniature cars. | ||
| Cool dudes. | ||
| They have little displays of them around their house. | ||
| Would you like to see my... | ||
| Anything you collect, I think, is that women aren't into. | ||
|
unidentified
|
There's nothing where women are like, oh, that's cool you collect X. Do you think when no one's around, they make the vroom vroom sound? | |
| Oh my god, I had a roommate once. | ||
| Do you remember when that Star Wars came out with a two-sided lightsaber? | ||
| Oh yeah, that's right. | ||
| Darth Maul. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I had a roommate in New York who was starting to just stand up and everything. | ||
| I come home, he's on his bed going, wow, wow, wow. | ||
| Grown man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I bet it made him feel happy. | |
| Yeah, but then he felt humiliation. | ||
| If they came to him in the middle of the night and they said, listen, you don't have to live this life anymore. | ||
| You'll live the same exact amount of years, but you're going to live as Darth Maul. | ||
| Is there ever a time where you would have changed your life? | ||
| I assume no. | ||
| Like a dark time, like, you know what, I'm going to switch this up. | ||
| No, I enjoy life. | ||
| I'm having fun. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But I think I enjoy... | ||
| There's like weird challenges to life. | ||
| That's part of what's fun about it. | ||
| Like the part of what's fun is overcoming the things that are not fun. | ||
| Just like figuring your way through problems and getting better at things and learning things and criticizing yourself and all that shit. | ||
| If you go into the matrix, man, all that's over. | ||
| Or are you already there? | ||
| The thing I don't think is right about it is I think you can program the matrix to be annoying and hard. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| If you're going to program it to be life, just fuck it up and make it like life is now. | ||
| And then, like, that's the natural course of progression. | ||
| That's the only way to keep entropy. | ||
| It's the only way to keep things moving. | ||
| I'm going to look back for it up. | ||
| Good and bad. | ||
| You have to have all the things together. | ||
| It's the only way things get done. | ||
| You have to have struggles, otherwise no improvement gets made. | ||
| You have to have trauma, otherwise love is not appreciated. | ||
| You have to have all those things. | ||
| Yeah, absolutely. | ||
| That's like a rich... | ||
| What's the thing that people load the most? | ||
| It might be a rich son. | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| A son who's arrogant, didn't have to work for it, he's a piece of shit, he's mean to people. | ||
| And he's miserable. | ||
| And he didn't do anything to get it. | ||
| That's a miserable fuck. | ||
| I'm the happiest when I'm working really hard on something. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right? | |
| And when it's done, like when you make one of those videos, and then you get a bunch of positive feedback from it, that's gotta be amazingly satisfying. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, I do it for free. | ||
| And also, like, Kurt Metzger helped with that last one. | ||
| Well, Kurt's fucking great. | ||
| Kurt's hilarious. | ||
| He's great. | ||
| And we're working on making a show, and it's like we're working so hard and no one is even asking for it, but it's really satisfying and I don't really care about the money. | ||
| I feel like you just keep doing those goddamn Instagram videos if you can. | ||
| Just keep doing them. | ||
| It's undeniable. | ||
| It's so good. | ||
| Some of those are so good. | ||
| They're so mean. | ||
| Yeah, it's funny. | ||
| I look back and go, yeah. | ||
| Oh, they're so funny. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know. | |
| Well, Bill Maher asked for it. | ||
| I mean, I didn't want to make a video of Bill Maher getting gangbanged, but he came on this program and he said, my impression sucked. | ||
| He was asking for it. | ||
| What am I supposed to do? | ||
| Sit there? | ||
| Listen, I'm on your side with that one. | ||
| By the way, it's very funny. | ||
| He should be laughing at that. | ||
| That shit was hilarious. | ||
| Even if you hate someone's impression, you have to pretend you like it. | ||
| There's no saying... | ||
| You can't lie. | ||
| You can't say it's not good. | ||
| It's really good. | ||
| Don't lie. | ||
| When you said, oh, let's play it, he was like, I'm leaving. | ||
| He threatened to leave if you played it. | ||
| And by the way, and I don't want to... | ||
| I'm really not mad at Bill Maher. | ||
| I like having a nemesis. | ||
| It kind of feels good. | ||
| I like Bill Maher a lot. | ||
| I agree with a lot of what he says. | ||
| The rants that he's been doing during COVID have been the very best. | ||
| The rants that he does at the beginning of his show, they're great, man. | ||
| They're great. | ||
| He's doing them with no audience, but they've been really funny and really good points. | ||
| It's like he's actually ramped it up during this pandemic. | ||
| Some of those beginning of the show rants are excellent. | ||
| He's great writers. | ||
| They got great writers, man. | ||
| It's a treasure. | ||
| That shows a national treasure. | ||
| But he did get gang banged in my video. | ||
|
unidentified
|
In your video, you get gang banged. | |
| Both those things exist together. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| But also, he acted like, alright, anyway. | ||
| Yes, you got a little bitter because he pretended he didn't exist. | ||
| I went to Hawaii with him in his private plane. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| He's like, I don't know him. | ||
| Now, in his defense, I'm sure I was invisible to him and he forgot me. | ||
| But like, yeah, we went to the beach, we went to dinners. | ||
| And then he kind of got, because he did know about the videos, and he told you he didn't, and then he kind of, anyway, listen, he's fine. | ||
| I get it, but I think, with all due respect, I think he's just looking at it the wrong way. | ||
| I think it's funny, and I think it doesn't make him any less brilliant, it doesn't make his show any less great. | ||
| And the show is great, and I think we both admit it. | ||
| Those rants are brilliant. | ||
| They're brilliant. | ||
| I love his rants. | ||
| I've tweeted a few of them out and said, like, bravo. | ||
| I tweeted them out. | ||
| It paid me to make a video where he was getting gangbanged. | ||
| Did it really hurt? | ||
| It hurt me. | ||
| I didn't want to do it. | ||
| It should. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It should. | |
| It's so funny, man. | ||
| It's so funny. | ||
| And this is coming from a guy who's a fan of Bill Maher. | ||
| I was laughing hard at that video. | ||
| I love that you showed your wife and she was like, what's wrong with you? | ||
| There is a... | ||
| Comedy is, you know, it's different tastes, different strokes, but... | ||
| Yeah, it is, but it's also like... | ||
| Come on, man. | ||
| If you lighten up, it's almost all funny. | ||
| I mean, there's some fart videos. | ||
| I think fart videos can... | ||
| There's a place for them, I don't think. | ||
| There's a place for them. | ||
| But some people don't like them, and I hear about it. | ||
| There's a place for them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, a good fart. | ||
| One of the funniest, that movie Norbit with Eddie Murphy. | ||
| Never saw it. | ||
| I saw it two nights ago. | ||
| It was amazing. | ||
| He plays three people in the movie. | ||
| I didn't see it. | ||
| I think it came out in 2007. I didn't see it. | ||
| Wait, Norbit? | ||
| Norbit, yeah. | ||
| Eddie Murphy plays like a nerd character. | ||
| He plays the nerd's wife, and then he plays this guy who owns this orphanage. | ||
| He plays a Chinese guy. | ||
| Dude, it is amazing. | ||
| It's so funny. | ||
| The funny parts, the moment where he hits the big laughs... | ||
| You're like, holy shit, that's him and him. | ||
| So that's Eddie playing the wife, this enormous woman who rescues him from a sandbox, spoiler alert, when he's a little kid and basically kidnaps him and makes him become her husband. | ||
| One of her brothers is Terry Crews, and the other brothers are two dudes who are built just like Terry Crews, just big fucking giant dudes, just super jacked, and they're all trying to run some scam on this lady, and Norbert has to fucking step in and save the day. | ||
| Dude, I'm telling you, it's so silly. | ||
| It's so fun. | ||
| I laughed so hard at this movie. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So hard. | |
| These are kind of movies that I want to watch now that are just ridiculous. | ||
| So silly. | ||
| Can we get the Rotten Tomatoes on that? | ||
| It's probably like 3%. | ||
| Dude, they can suck my dick. | ||
| That's a great movie. | ||
| It's a funny movie. | ||
| What does Rotten Tomatoes say? | ||
| 9%? | ||
| Wait a minute. | ||
| They're wrong. | ||
| They're wrong. | ||
| You gotta trust me. | ||
| They're wrong. | ||
| They're wrong. | ||
| Sacrifice the sacred plant to the fire gods. | ||
| How does it get a nine, though? | ||
| They're assholes. | ||
| Bunch of assholes in the world. | ||
| They hate life. | ||
| It's fucking great, man. | ||
| Listen, I know it's funny. | ||
| I laughed hard at that movie. | ||
| I laughed hard. | ||
| They just were looking for it to be something else. | ||
| I mean, the movie was basically like absurdist, It was really funny, man. | ||
| And Eddie Murphy played this racist Chinese guy who would say racist shit to him. | ||
| Oh, that's him right there. | ||
| But it's him saying it. | ||
| It's not a Chinese guy. | ||
| And it's in 2007, so it flies. | ||
| Because Eddie probably couldn't even get away with doing that today. | ||
| People would get so upset if they didn't realize it was Eddie saying that to Eddie. | ||
| Do you think we'll ever get back to a point where... | ||
| I think we already brought this up, but like... | ||
| We can do some other culture. | ||
| I know you can do Italians, and you can do... | ||
| You can make fun of Italians, Irish people, English people. | ||
| You just can't make fun of anybody that we decide is disenfranchised or recent immigrants. | ||
| Let's say it flips. | ||
| And then Asians are running America. | ||
| Can there be comedy where a white guy does an Asian... | ||
| There can be that right now. | ||
| Nobody cares. | ||
| I think you can't do that. | ||
| Listen, man, a black guy can do whiteface with zero problems. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's because there was never an Al Jolson for white people. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Isn't that what it is? | ||
| Probably part of me. | ||
| Fucking dancing with the white gloves on. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| It's bad. | ||
| On top of everything else, what's... | ||
| I would pay $1,000 for an Oculus game that puts you and me in the front row. | ||
| We both put the headphones on. | ||
| Just to be uncomfortable. | ||
| We sit down on Apple boxes. | ||
| We watch a minstrel show that's in a tent in the middle of Kansas in the early 1900s when you're like, oh my gosh, should I just kill myself? | ||
| Like if you know how this thing turns out. | ||
| That's one of the last places. | ||
| If I could go through time or put one of those Oculus things on, it would be... | ||
| It seems like it would just be really uncomfortable. | ||
| Dude, Dorothy was happy she got picked up by a goddamn tornado. | ||
| She was happy. | ||
| She got brought to the Land of Oz. | ||
| She got ruby slippers. | ||
| Her poor life. | ||
| Hear about the munchkins were molesting her? | ||
| The real munchkins? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| Yeah, there she is. | ||
| That's her? | ||
| Judy Garland with blackface? | ||
| Oh my god, that's crazy. | ||
| Normal thing. | ||
| She went blackface with buckwheat hair. | ||
| She doubled it up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
God, it just... | |
| That's crazy. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| But that was a normal thing. | ||
| It's like they decided that... | ||
| I guess they decided that... | ||
| They wanted to put black people in films without putting actual black people in films and making them famous. | ||
| So they said, we've got to work around here to make white people black people. | ||
| And everyone's going to know. | ||
| Like, did they know what Al Jolson looked like in real life? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| Or was it like Kiss in the 70s? | ||
| I have a problem with Kiss because I had a roommate in college who loved Kiss. | ||
| And he had a girlfriend in our little tiny dorm room. | ||
| Oh no. | ||
| It's like a college where it's zero degrees out. | ||
| You have the windows open. | ||
| I have to get up because I'd be breathing frost. | ||
| And he would bang this girl and he just loved kids. | ||
| And he'd take triple dip acid, go out and stare at the sun and come back. | ||
| And then one day he rearranged our furniture. | ||
| So I come home and the door won't open. | ||
| And he put the refrigerator in front of the door. | ||
| And he's like, I rearranged the apartment. | ||
| I'm like, you can't put the... | ||
| We can't open the door. | ||
| He was just so high. | ||
| Anyway, I associate Kiss with him. | ||
| I'll never like Kiss. | ||
| Boy, that guy can sell, though. | ||
| Gene? | ||
| Oh, he sells. | ||
| Paul Stanley can sing his ass off, too. | ||
| There's some great fucking songs. | ||
| Kiss had some great songs. | ||
| Come on and love me. | ||
| You ever hear that song? | ||
| How's that go? | ||
| Wish I could play it for you. | ||
| Get pulled off the YouTube. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know. | |
| I know. | ||
| Beth, what can I do? | ||
| That's a great song. | ||
| It's a good song. | ||
| I want to rock and roll all night. | ||
| I party every day. | ||
| I don't like that song so much. | ||
| That's not bad, I guess. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I want to rock it. | |
| I have too much kiss trauma. | ||
| You gotta let it go, man. | ||
| It's a great band. | ||
| I had the total opposite. | ||
| My uncle was an artist for the very talent company or the advertising company that did their album covers. | ||
| Oh, those are great. | ||
| Yeah, my uncle worked in the place. | ||
| God, I'm trying to remember the name of the album. | ||
| This is Paul Stanley right here. | ||
| Gene Simmons, son. | ||
| Old school. | ||
| Branding was so good. | ||
| This is like Kiss Alive Two Days. | ||
| I know what the fuck this is, son. | ||
| You know what the fuck's going on. | ||
| This is a great fucking music, man. | ||
| For me, it just locks me into that time. | ||
| So you can't show it because then they'll charge you a royalty? | ||
| Oh man, life. | ||
| Dude, we had... | ||
| Gary Clark Jr. did a cover of Midnight Rider. | ||
| Cover of it. | ||
| And we played the cover for Instagram. | ||
| Oh no, what did they charge you for that? | ||
| They took the fucking... | ||
| They just take your money. | ||
| Give me that fucking money, that's ours. | ||
| I cannot make money. | ||
| They own the song. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Even the cover. | ||
| Which, by the way, he needs to release that. | ||
| He needs to release that. | ||
| If I do anything before I die, I need to talk Honey Honey and Gary Clark Jr. into doing another version of Midnight Rider. | ||
| That's got to be here before you die. | ||
| Have you ever heard it? | ||
| No. | ||
| Can I play it for you? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Play it for him. | ||
| How much does this cost? | ||
| Let him take the money. | ||
| These fucks. | ||
| These fucking thieves. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You fucking thieves. | |
| The one that they did on the Instagram. | ||
| Yeah, it's just so distinctive. | ||
| So good. | ||
| They have YouTube copyright claims and all kinds of stuff. | ||
| You can't show parts of films. | ||
| If it was up to me, I would start off every podcast with Clint Eastwood talking to the Comanches. | ||
| These are my words of life and also my words of death. | ||
| These are my words of life. | ||
| Ever see that? | ||
| In the Outlaw Josie Wales? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| So this is them. | ||
| This is a small club in downtown. | ||
| And there's probably like... | ||
| Sorry, who is this? | ||
| That's my friend Suzanne Santo and Ben Jaffe. | ||
| They're a band called Honey Honey. | ||
| And that motherfucker behind the guitar is one of the baddest to ever do it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's Gary Clark Jr. I just thought about being... | |
| How long it's been since I've been in a club of any kind. | ||
| I know, right? | ||
| I'm doing Houston next weekend. | ||
| Oh, yeah? | ||
| Yeah, I'm doing the improv. | ||
| Do they give you any, I don't know, restriction amount of people? | ||
| Don't spit in people's mouths. | ||
| That was your big closer. | ||
| That's how it was going to end. | ||
| No, man. | ||
| Just go have some fun. | ||
| They don't have like a restriction on number of people in the room or anything? | ||
| 75% capacity. | ||
| They trimmed it down only 25%. | ||
| Just take care of yourself, folks. | ||
| Get your vitamins in. | ||
| Get in the sauna. | ||
| Take your vitamin D. Wear a fucking mask. | ||
| Do what you gotta do. | ||
| Is that true that D is the important one? | ||
| It's huge. | ||
| It's huge. | ||
| It's huge for a lot of things. | ||
| It's huge for muscle development. | ||
| It's huge for brain function. | ||
| It's a hormone, apparently. | ||
| As well, according to Dr. Rhonda Patrick, she's been on my podcast before, she was explaining that all these people that were in the intensive care union with COVID A giant percentage of them, like more than 80% of them in one study, had insufficient levels of vitamin D. And only 4% had sufficient levels. | ||
| And so then she told me that 70% of the United States is deficient in vitamin D. 70%. | ||
| Because we're not in the sun as much? | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| And only 29% have sufficient vitamin D, which is just like bonkers. | ||
| Only 29%, oh no, no, no, no, excuse me. | ||
| 29% What was it? | ||
| I want to say had insufficient. | ||
| I'm fucking the numbers up. | ||
| But there was a very small number of people, like if it was 70% or deficient, there was a certain number of people that had insufficient levels to the point where they were vulnerable, their immune system was vulnerable, and they could get more diseases. | ||
| It was a large number. | ||
| I'm fucking up the number, though. | ||
| I'm always low on D. You don't go outside, man. | ||
| If you don't go outside and you don't take it, you're not going to get it. | ||
| Yeah, I do take it. | ||
| But what they're discovering is there's a lot of things that have to interact together in your body to keep you healthy. | ||
| You have to have electrolytes. | ||
| You have to have amino acids. | ||
| You have to have vitamins. | ||
| You have to have all these things. | ||
| And when one of them is missing, and one of them is severely missing, and a really important one like vitamin D, The whole thing gets thrown into whack and you get vulnerable. | ||
| That's part of what we're showing here. | ||
| There's a metabolic vulnerability that a lot of people have. | ||
| And it's not just that the virus is scary, but it's also that people have really fucked up immune systems because they're not healthy, because they're not getting enough vitamins. | ||
| When you find all these athletes That catch this disease and shake it off like it's nothing. | ||
| You gotta go, okay, we were talking yesterday about these NBA players that got it. | ||
| No symptoms. | ||
| They just got it. | ||
| And then they're fine. | ||
| I know a bunch of people that have got it like that. | ||
| Like, man, I don't know. | ||
| I think this is showing vulnerability. | ||
| And people's immune systems more than anything. | ||
| We should be really concerned about that. | ||
| On top of being concerned about spreading the disease, god damn, we gotta spread information on how to strengthen your immune system. | ||
| Well yeah, I mean that vitamin D is probably a good tip. | ||
| It's a good tip, but it's only the tip of the iceberg. | ||
| The water is important. | ||
| Drink a lot of water, stay hydrated, have a lot of electrolytes, have vitamins, all the vitamins. | ||
| Risky, pot. | ||
| Make sure you get high at least once a day so you can sleep good and be scared all the time. | ||
| There's a lot of shit going on, man, but we're only here on one side. | ||
| Yeah, I haven't been to the doctor in a while. | ||
| Knock on wood, I feel pretty healthy. | ||
| I was diagnosed with celiac disease. | ||
| You're going to be in the doctor after Bill Maher finds you. | ||
| Should I be scared of him? | ||
| I should be shivering. | ||
| He might get aggressive with you. | ||
| What would Bill Maher do? | ||
| Swing right for your dick. | ||
| Don't shoot my dick with cocaine, Bill Maher. | ||
| Okay, people. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Here comes cocaine into your cock, okay? | |
| You fuck. | ||
| That's so good. | ||
| That's such a good impression. | ||
| Anyone who says it's not a good impression, come on, man. | ||
| I do a lot of impressions. | ||
| They're not all good. | ||
| I think my Elon's pretty weak, but my bill's pretty good. | ||
| Your bill's pretty good. | ||
| It's very good. | ||
| You're Caitlyn Jenner. | ||
| Caitlyn Jenner is her voice now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, baby! | |
| That's her voice now. | ||
| I don't see her speaking any other way. | ||
| Why do you have those noises you had to say? | ||
| Well, she does that because she's... | ||
| I think she's alone a lot and she answers herself. | ||
| You know, she'll be like, hey, I want you to get some shoes. | ||
| And she's going, yeah. | ||
| And then I bought some Jimmy shoes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How weird. | |
| Where's Kim? | ||
| Anybody that thinks that's a superficial aspect of our culture today, you're out of your mind. | ||
| That Bruce Jenner is now Caitlyn Jenner, it's no big deal. | ||
| The weirdness of it, not saying that she shouldn't be able to do that, she absolutely should, but the weirdness of that sort of defines how crazy life is today. | ||
| It's almost like you're seeing these little hints when you're getting close to the end of the game. | ||
| Nah! | ||
| The narrative's falling apart. | ||
| The fucking plot gets weirder and weirder. | ||
| You're like, oh my god, when is the big reveal? | ||
| He's at Olympic. | ||
| And then at the end of it, aliens. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well you watch that new, now there's a new footage or simulation of the car crash. | ||
| Because originally I thought the lady stopped in front of him, but her, it was him, it was Bruce at the time. | ||
| But it looks like now that she just plowed right through these two people. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| And pushed him right into traffic, right? | ||
| And died, yeah. | ||
| I don't know if this simulation is right, but the one I saw in the new theory is that like... | ||
| She was on her phone? | ||
| They didn't know what she was doing, but the lady in front of her didn't slam on her brakes. | ||
| It was like they were slowing down for her life. | ||
| Let me tell you how progressive I feel saying she. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I keep saying she. | ||
|
unidentified
|
She. | |
| You are. | ||
| You're a hero. | ||
| I think she was Bruce back then. | ||
| Yeah, she was Bruce. | ||
| So, what do you say about that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, Bruce did it! | |
| God, that Bruce can't drive, huh? | ||
| Anyway, Woman of the Year, baby! | ||
| That's what happened. | ||
| Woman of the Year after that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Pretty soon after. | ||
| Pretty weird. | ||
| Kind of weird. | ||
| How does the family feel that their mom died and then they're like, oh, the speech of the woman of the year. | ||
| I'm pretty upset about that. | ||
| I mean, I don't know what the accent was exactly, but it... | ||
| It looks like pretty bad. | ||
| But it's weird how rarely it's discussed. | ||
| That's what's weird. | ||
| Well, it came at such a time where you were transphobic if you said anything about her. | ||
| So it was like the perfect timing for murder. | ||
| It wasn't murder. | ||
| For someone getting away with it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, everybody was so enthralled with the idea that she was beautiful. | ||
| Like there was things you had to say. | ||
| Yeah, beautiful, hero, brave. | ||
| And I'm like, hey, hey, hey. | ||
| And also that was Bruce. | ||
| And it was like you couldn't even say really comfortably Bruce anymore. | ||
| And so Caitlin didn't do it. | ||
| Caitlin didn't do it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Literally like she dodged the bullet. | |
| Perfect timing. | ||
| If you're gonna scream someone into a Hummer across traffic, that's a good time. | ||
| I wonder if that was what pushed her to come out. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| Can you imagine? | ||
| Let's assume. | ||
| Let's stop researching. | ||
| Was she out before that? | ||
| She definitely was having long hair. | ||
| We're just talking. | ||
| Again, we're making up. | ||
| We're just making stuff. | ||
| We don't know. | ||
| You must be homophobic. | ||
| Or transphobic. | ||
| But that may have hurried things up. | ||
| It might have been the catalyst. | ||
| I would have. | ||
| I'll tell you, if I did that and I was transitioning anyway, I'd bump up that appointment. | ||
| Imagine if there was like a PR guy and he's like, I got a plan. | ||
| Well, I mean, anybody. | ||
| Everyone in your family with a vagina is making a lot of money. | ||
| You're doing terrible. | ||
| I mean, come on, who's going to fuck you now anyway? | ||
| Rob's next. | ||
| Let's get this party started. | ||
|
unidentified
|
All right. | |
| Let's keep that action and hush hush. | ||
| Look at my garden. | ||
| You know what's funny about this celebrity? | ||
| Do you know she's seen it? | ||
| Oh, I know Chloe made a video where she was like, we're mad at you. | ||
| She kept doing that, but didn't say my... | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| I have a video where they just all say that. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| So I think she saw that one. | ||
| Look, they must have a good sense of humor. | ||
| They've been taking abuse for more than a decade now. | ||
| Yeah, I think mine's so cartoonish. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, I know, when you make the noises. | |
| Oh. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ding, ding, yum, yum. | |
| Dirt, doi. | ||
| Oh! | ||
| My two girls! | ||
| Bro, I saw somebody actually quote, I saw somebody on Twitter that actually said, stop calling people Karens, it's misogynistic, and it's just a convenient way of you saying bitch. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, this is so funny! | ||
| People just can't stop. | ||
| They can't stop correcting people. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| They can't stop telling people what to do. | ||
| Their life is a fucking mess, and they can't stop correcting other people. | ||
| It's gotta feel good. | ||
| You gotta get some charge out of it. | ||
| Can you imagine you can't call people a Karen? | ||
| I know a lot of Karens, and they're really nice people, so fuck off. | ||
| Yeah, Karens are great. | ||
| The haircut I love. | ||
| The little angled haircut. | ||
| But there's, like, women. | ||
| Their name is Karen. | ||
| There's nothing wrong with that. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Actual Karens. | ||
| But if you complain... | ||
| You're a Karen. | ||
| It's just gonna stick around. | ||
| Someone's saying don't call women a Karen. | ||
| Is a Karen. | ||
| Oh, that's so dumb. | ||
| You're so silly. | ||
| Like, you should be laughing at all this. | ||
| This is not... | ||
| If your name is Karen, well, I could get why you're upset. | ||
| For all these years, you skated by. | ||
| And then for fucking whatever reason, Karen became the complaining white lady. | ||
| Do you know how? | ||
| Was it first a Karen? | ||
| Was patient zero a Karen? | ||
| I have no idea. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Maybe. | |
| It's a great name for it. | ||
| It's a perfect name. | ||
| Maybe that's why. | ||
| It just seems perfect. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Who else would it be? | ||
| Karen's calling the manager. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Helen. | |
| Maybe a Helen. | ||
| Helen's too old. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Helen's mean. | ||
| Caitlyn's too, or Katherine. | ||
| Caitlyn's owned by Caitlyn Jenna forever. | ||
| No kids calling their daughter Caitlyn now. | ||
| It's like just too risky. | ||
| Yeah, Caitlyn. | ||
| Caitlyn is... | ||
| It's like you can't call your kid Madonna. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You can't call your kid Caitlyn either. | ||
| Madonna's parents shouldn't have called her Madonna. | ||
| I don't think they did. | ||
| Oh, she made that up? | ||
| I think she, yeah. | ||
| Her last name is a Cuchione or something. | ||
| Cuchione. | ||
| Something like that. | ||
| I think she had a real name at one point in time in her life. | ||
| She's fallen... | ||
| She's... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Are you trying to be nice? | ||
| No, I'm just like, I don't have enough information with anything I've said today, so I'm stopping myself. | ||
| I hear rumors and I let people know. | ||
| Yeah, that's a good move. | ||
| Just spread the word. | ||
| Let the information... | ||
| It's not stopping anybody else. | ||
| No, it's not. | ||
| It doesn't matter, even with all this information that's available. | ||
| Why should I look something up? | ||
| Yeah, why should you? | ||
| These fucks. | ||
| They want you to do what they don't even do? | ||
| They're bidding. | ||
| There is a lot of conversations, I don't know if you've noticed, where... | ||
| Where you think you're having a conversation with somebody, but really they're just checking if you agree with every single thing they're saying. | ||
| And then you get this venom if you diverge from... | ||
| It's really weird, but I've had a few bump-ins with people. | ||
| So that if you diverge from their ideology at all, they get venom? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, the rage that comes up surprised me a couple of times. | ||
| Like a cult feeling of you're saying the wrong... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| What were the subjects? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I mean, black lives matter. | ||
| I mean, you know, my brother's a cop, and so it's like I have a little... | ||
| Well, you are in a position... | ||
| You agree, I think, with a lot of reasonable people that what that guy did was horrific. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| Murder, awful, and good. | ||
| Put him in jail forever. | ||
| And there's definitely racism, and it's something definitely that we... | ||
| Well, there's also a personal issue with that guy and the cop, apparently. | ||
| You know about that? | ||
| They apparently worked together, and then they had words. | ||
| Oh, they did. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because the cop was apparently very aggressive towards customers and they got angry at each other over it. | ||
| So this is a personal thing in a lot of ways. | ||
| But that said, defunding the police is crazy. | ||
| That's a very dumb idea. | ||
| I mean, they're underfunded. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's also, the job, I just know, it's just so hard. | ||
| Imagine going to where people are being assholes every day, all day, for decades, and you've just... | ||
| It's just a... | ||
| They would never do this, but I think part of reform should be meditation. | ||
| I mean, they would never do this. | ||
| But you wake up in the morning, you put a bulletproof vest on, you go to work, you say about your family. | ||
| It's really mentally anguishing. | ||
| And this is not to say there isn't racism, not something to deal with. | ||
| I think it's great what's happening, but it's just... | ||
| I don't... | ||
| I personally get... | ||
| When the pendulum's falling too hard the other way against police, when the vast majority... | ||
| And my brother's just like a really nice, emotionally intelligent guy who's just suddenly getting spit on and stuff. | ||
| It's just like... | ||
| It doesn't feel good. | ||
| It's people being very short-sighted. | ||
| You need the police. | ||
| You need the police. | ||
| You just need a better trained police. | ||
| Yeah, if... | ||
| I mean, if the other side didn't have guns, I'd be like, okay, I'd take away their guns. | ||
| But even then, man, you're going to have bigger, stronger people taking your shit because you don't have guns. | ||
| Listen, none of it is good. | ||
| You need the police. | ||
| The police need to be better funded. | ||
| They need to be better trained. | ||
| And they, like all of us, need to get better. | ||
| I think the police of today are probably way better than the police of 50 years ago. | ||
| But that's still... | ||
| When you see what some of them have done to peaceful protesters while letting looters get away with it, this system is broken. | ||
| There's no way it's not broken. | ||
| It's a huge mess. | ||
| And hopefully, like you said, it'll get ironed out and stuff. | ||
| Well, Minneapolis is going to be an interesting case study because if they do defund their police, I don't know what they're going to replace it with or how they're going to redo it. | ||
| I hope they redo it with more money, but it doesn't seem like they're going to. | ||
| They should pay people more money because it's a fucking horrifically dangerous job. | ||
| And they should train people much better. | ||
| And they should train people more often. | ||
| That is it. | ||
| Because if you don't get into a situation... | ||
| And often, I mean, you know from jujitsu probably, you need to keep training to be calm. | ||
| A lot of these cops and all that mistakes happen because they're freaked out and their adrenaline is running. | ||
| It's a bad decision. | ||
| And they don't have any confidence in handling themselves. | ||
| And all of a sudden they're in a physical confrontation with some guy who's been thinking about punching them for the last three minutes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| The guy's thinking, when should I punch this cop? | ||
| When should I punch this cop? | ||
| No, sir. | ||
| No, sir. | ||
| I didn't think I was going fast. | ||
| He's thinking, I'm going to punch this motherfucker. | ||
| I'm just waiting for my time. | ||
| And then, boom, all of a sudden, you're in a physical confrontation. | ||
| You don't know what to do. | ||
| If you get hit first, you're in trouble. | ||
| And also, there's a gun. | ||
| It's not like the cop has a gun. | ||
| Once you're wrestling, it's a... | ||
| So cops never know when to pull their gun. | ||
| And then there's also sociopaths. | ||
| You've got guys who are cops that are sociopaths. | ||
| They can't wait to kill people. | ||
| They can't wait to shoot people. | ||
| They want a thrill. | ||
| They don't feel anything in regular life. | ||
| They want to be able to kill somebody and blame it on, you know, this person's a criminal or whatever. | ||
| There are real people that want to shoot people. | ||
| I mean, that's a part of life, too. | ||
| And we've seen videos, man. | ||
| We've seen videos of people shooting people and cops shooting people for no fucking reason. | ||
| It's horrific. | ||
| And I think it's just a symptom of the job, man. | ||
| Because it's a... | ||
| It's happening all over the place. | ||
| It seems like whenever cops get ramped up, and they have a lot of power, and they're holding a gun, there's a person in front of them, and there's some sort of a dispute, and they're yelling, get on the fucking ground! | ||
| That guy might get shot. | ||
| That guy might get shot, whether that guy's Asian, or European, or black. | ||
| He's gonna get shot by the right guy in the right situation. | ||
| And that's what the statistics show. | ||
| Statistics show that although there are these horrific cases like that George Floyd case where you get to watch it, there's less of those than there were in like 2015. There's less. | ||
| Doesn't mean it's good, but there's less black men are killed by cops now than there was before. | ||
| But one is too many. | ||
| And when you see that, part of what you're seeing is not just racism. | ||
| You're also seeing just the abuse that comes when someone has that kind of power over people. | ||
| And they're a simple-minded fuckhead. | ||
| And you've given them the kind of power that a cop has. | ||
| Yeah, there's some bad... | ||
| Bad fucking people, man. | ||
| There's bad people that do every job, man. | ||
| There's bad people that are construction workers, there's bad people that are cops. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And the problem is when they fuck up, it's so public and it's such a big deal because they have so much more power, right? | ||
| Their position is so crazy. | ||
| The guy who has a gun, who's literally telling you, get on the fucking ground, you have to listen to him. | ||
| I mean, no other time in life do you have to listen to a man tell you to get on the ground. | ||
| This guy is actually working for you? | ||
| He's working with your tax dollars? | ||
| You pay for the police? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Like, this is crazy. | ||
| This guy's about to shoot me and I pay him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You know, and it's weird, you know, because if it was a regular guy telling you to get on the ground, he'd be like, why? | ||
| You know, because I smell weed. | ||
| Like, fuck you. | ||
| Like, you're just a regular guy. | ||
| But because he's a cop, even though he's still a regular guy, he has all this power to tell you what to do. | ||
| It's fucking very strange. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| Like, just being a cop psychologically is very strange. | ||
| In a lot of ways... | ||
| You need strong people to do that job. | ||
| That's what you need. | ||
| You need to pay them well. | ||
| It's just like who now is going to be like, I want to be a cop when I grow up. | ||
| Somebody needs to come forth and say that. | ||
| Some governor needs to say that in an eloquent way. | ||
| Like, you guys are looking at this wrong. | ||
| We need better people. | ||
| We need to put more money into the community, more money into the police force, more money into training these fucking people. | ||
| We need to make everybody safer. | ||
| The way to make people safer is not have less cops and less funding. | ||
| It's to have... | ||
| Better cops, better paid cops, maybe even more cops and more funding and make sure that they never fucking do that, ever. | ||
| And any abuse at all, you instantly get rid of them. | ||
| Any abuse at all. | ||
| Everyone's wearing a body camera, no exceptions. | ||
| Every altercation gets reviewed. | ||
| Any abuse gets reported and you can't do that, man. | ||
| And if you don't know how to handle someone without getting abusive, And you're doing an ineffective version of that job. | ||
| And you're probably dangerous to other cops because you're gonna leave it in that person's head that cops are assholes. | ||
| Cops treat you like shit. | ||
| Cops hit you. | ||
| Whenever a cop does that for no reason, he doesn't just fuck over that person. | ||
| He fucks over all the people who watch that video. | ||
| All the people who get mad at cops. | ||
| And that's what you're seeing today. | ||
| You're seeing this probably, even though it's less, things are happening To folks because of bad cops, more people are seeing it than ever before. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So our idea of what a cop is is just way out of whack right now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And that town in Seattle, what happened there? | ||
| There was no police and they just took over? | ||
| It's a festival. | ||
| I don't understand. | ||
| They're having fun. | ||
| I don't understand how they were like, hey, scram! | ||
| And the cops were like, I can't go in there. | ||
| They don't want me in there. | ||
| Yeah, man, I don't know how that's going to play out. | ||
| I'm sure good. | ||
| I'm sure that will end well. | ||
| Chaz. | ||
| It's called the Chaz. | ||
| Is that right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Autonomous Zone. | ||
| Capital Hill Autonomous Zone. | ||
| They call it Chaz. | ||
| How did they get, say, leave cops and the cops left? | ||
| Like, what was that moment? | ||
| Well, if I had to guess, it's because there's not enough cops. | ||
| They're not well-funded, weren't prepared for this. | ||
| Bad government. | ||
| A bunch of people that are anarchists all organized, got together, did something chaotic. | ||
| Business owners fled. | ||
| People panicked. | ||
| They gave up power to these folks. | ||
| They were espousing an ideology that on paper at least seems sort of admirable, giving power to the people, getting rid of corruption, getting rid of some of the bad aspects of capitalism. | ||
| There's all sorts of parts of it that sold people on the idea, but it's not good. | ||
| They don't own any of those buildings. | ||
| They didn't build them. | ||
| They can't just take them. | ||
| You shouldn't, because that's piracy. | ||
| If someone just comes into your neighborhood and takes your fucking house, that's piracy. | ||
| You can't just let these people take over this blog. | ||
| They go, it's the people's, man. | ||
| We don't allow money. | ||
| Okay, well, you don't have to allow money, but you can't stop other people from using money, you fuck. | ||
| Just like we don't stop you from trading with tomatoes. | ||
| If you want to fucking trade, I'll give you three tomatoes, if you give me that camera, I'm like, okay, good deal. | ||
| Well, you're allowed to do that, okay? | ||
| But you're not allowed to tell people they can't use money. | ||
| So they have like a whole zone where there's no money. | ||
| Like, oh, come on, man. | ||
| This is step one to fascism. | ||
| You're just going to make your own fascism. | ||
| And then there was a video I saw of this one guy was filming something. | ||
| So these other guys came over and beat the shit out of him. | ||
| I'm like, oh great. | ||
| So then you treat one of your own the same way cops treat you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Congratulations. | |
| That's what will happen. | ||
| Congratulations. | ||
| They're eventually going to make up police. | ||
| They won't call it that. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| There's going to be people that patrol. | ||
| Do you remember the guardian angels? | ||
| Yeah, New York City. | ||
| I was in traffic once, and there was this guardian angel, and this dude was like doughy, like little baby arms and a little gut. | ||
| I'm like, this is crazy. | ||
| This guy's protecting anybody from anything. | ||
| And I'm looking at him with my friend. | ||
| I'm like, you look at this motherfucker. | ||
| And he looks at me and goes... | ||
| Double fingers. | ||
| Double fingers. | ||
| Just stared in the windshield. | ||
| We didn't even say anything. | ||
| We didn't say like, hey man, what the fuck are you guarding, bro? | ||
| We didn't say anything like that. | ||
| We just looked at him. | ||
| I was like, look at this motherfucker. | ||
| Look at this guy right here. | ||
| That's the guardian angel. | ||
| He's out there protecting people. | ||
| And he gave you the double bird. | ||
| He gave me the double bird with an angry face. | ||
| And I was like, oh, you shouldn't have that job. | ||
| You shouldn't be standing in the middle of cars patrolling. | ||
| Like, what are you patrolling? | ||
| Is this in New York? | ||
| New York City, yeah. | ||
| And then the main guy was on a radio show. | ||
| And there was some sort of a scandal. | ||
| Where he said he stopped some sort of a crime that didn't really exist. | ||
| Oh, I think I remember that, yeah. | ||
| When we were there, I saw him on TV. He's still on the local news there. | ||
| He still is? | ||
| But wasn't there some... | ||
| That's him. | ||
| I think so, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think so. | ||
| Yeah, that's him. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So it was real weird. | ||
| They had the t-shirt on and the berets. | ||
| They'd walk down the street and dudes had like, look at that one dude has like, look at that chainmail. | ||
| He's got Kiss. | ||
| He brings you right back to Kiss. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ah, damn it. | |
| He's got Gene Simmons wrist straps. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's a cool idea. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| It's preposterous, son. | ||
| What about like, just their presence making people think twice about crime? | ||
| If you see a guardian angel. | ||
| Oh yeah, bro. | ||
| I hear you. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| They had all the superheroes in Seattle walking around a couple years ago. | ||
| Right, but that's different. | ||
| Those guys actually knew how to fight. | ||
| We talked about that. | ||
| Well, not all of them, I would say. | ||
| I don't know how many of them were actually trying to stop crime. | ||
| These guys were actually trying to stop crime. | ||
| It was very strange. | ||
| It was like organized vigilantes. | ||
| Unarmed, organized vigilantes. | ||
| They had no power to do anything, though, right? | ||
| Well, they could beat your ass. | ||
| I guess that sucks. | ||
| When that guy gave me the double fingers, I was like, hmm. | ||
| I just think you might be a little bit jumping the gun here. | ||
| Imagine if a cop did that. | ||
| If you saw a cop in traffic and you're like, look at this fucking guy with a stupid blue outfit. | ||
| He's like, fuck you! | ||
| You'd be like, oh my god, that guy shouldn't be a cop. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So why should this guy be a guardian angel? | ||
| I think we should vet... | ||
| If that existed, we should vet them. | ||
| But they disbanded. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Luckily. | ||
| Yeah, they fell apart. | ||
| But that's probably what's going to happen in a lot of these police-free zones. | ||
| You're going to have weirdos who want to be fake cops, wearing berets, wandering around giving people the finger. | ||
| That's in their code of what to do. | ||
| There's a lot of people out there that don't understand the importance of the police. | ||
| You're fucking up, man. | ||
| You're fucking it up for everybody else, too. | ||
| Who are you going to call when someone breaks into your house? | ||
| If there's no one to call, there's going to be more people breaking into your house. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| If they take away the guns from cops, I mean... | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Bank robberies will be successful 100% of the time. | ||
| 100% will get away. | ||
| If there's no cops to call, what's gonna stop you from robbing jewelry stores every day? | ||
| They've got AK-47s. | ||
| Bro, it's so dumb. | ||
| It's so dumb. | ||
| This should be something where it gets argued, where there's a meeting where you show all the interactions that the police have had with the community. | ||
| All the interactions, every single one of them. | ||
| It gets detailed and documented, and then you say, well, how many of these were negative? | ||
| And you look at it, if there was like three or four really strongly negative ones. | ||
| What about all the positive ones? | ||
| What about all the people that were protected? | ||
| What about all the robberies that were stopped? | ||
| What about all the crimes that were prevented? | ||
| What about all the people that were arrested that were murderers and rapists and all that? | ||
| Are you going to do that now? | ||
| Or are we just going to pretend that that shit doesn't exist? | ||
| Because there's all these interactions that the cops have, and there's some of them that are negative. | ||
| You're right. | ||
| No one's saying that's not true. | ||
| But to throw it all out, if you were arguing that, Like from data, from a data perspective, if you're in a meeting and they're like, look, we have these, these are the bad interactions and these, all these papers are the good interactions. | ||
| You'd be like, okay, well, rationally, we need to stop that from happening. | ||
| How do we do that? | ||
| How do we, how do we eliminate or at least radically reduce the number of bad interactions? | ||
| You'd work on that. | ||
| You wouldn't say defund the police. | ||
| That's like a fucking virtue gesture. | ||
| Like, look at me. | ||
| We're going to defund. | ||
| We're going to just plant flowers. | ||
| Yay! | ||
| I might be ignorant, but I feel like it's called that to cause controversy so it gets attention. | ||
| I mean, they said reform the police. | ||
| Maybe I'm ignorant and they really mean to defund it. | ||
| It just seems like... | ||
| Minneapolis said defund, specifically. | ||
| Maybe they're gonna... | ||
| If they give cops, like you were saying, before other jobs, then... | ||
| They're gonna have dudes with clubs with nails hanging out of them. | ||
| It's gonna be dudes with baseball bats wrapped in chain mail like that Deegan dude. | ||
| Deegan? | ||
| Yeah, from Walking Dead. | ||
| What's his name? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| Negan? | ||
| Negan. | ||
| That's his name, right? | ||
| The mean guy who kills people with a baseball bat? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Fuck that guy, right? | ||
| That guy's gonna be everywhere. | ||
| Fuck that guy. | ||
| He's gonna be controlling Van Nuys. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| There's gotta be people like that everywhere you look, you know? | ||
| I'd get a gun. | ||
| That's another thing. | ||
| If you take away guns from cops, then everyone has to buy a gun. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Dude, it's terrible. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Anyway. | |
| You can't do this. | ||
| This is such a dumb idea. | ||
| And also, you can't do it in a city where that thing didn't happen either. | ||
| It's not even the same people. | ||
| One guy was a horrible person. | ||
| And then another guy was a horrible person in Atlanta. | ||
| But there's a million cops. | ||
| Like, you can't... | ||
| I don't know how many there are. | ||
| There's probably close to a million. | ||
| There's one million. | ||
| Probably close. | ||
| There's a lot of fucking cops, man. | ||
| Yeah, there's hundreds of thousands of interactions that are not good, that are happening all the time, especially with the protests and stuff. | ||
| There's a lot of interaction. | ||
| Look, I think everybody got the message. | ||
| I think through this George Floyd thing, everybody got the message. | ||
| And the people that are going to flare up, that are still behaving the same way, like that guy who shot that guy in Atlanta... | ||
| They get charged with murder, man, right away. | ||
| Right away. | ||
| Right away. | ||
| Felony murder. | ||
| He could get the death penalty of that guy. | ||
| And he probably should. | ||
| He probably should, the way he shot that guy. | ||
| If he really knew that that guy had a taser that didn't even work... | ||
| Yeah, it's murder. | ||
| What's crazy is if you watch the video, the guy's compliant. | ||
| I know. | ||
| And for 20 minutes, like, can you just pull over? | ||
| They don't want to do the paperwork. | ||
| They're like, can you just... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's compliant. | ||
| He just wants them to get an Uber, right? | ||
| Isn't that what he said? | ||
| Didn't he say something along those lines? | ||
| They should have done that. | ||
| There should be a way that you could ticket someone, maybe even take their license away, but like... | ||
| Get them home. | ||
| Don't fucking put them in a cage. | ||
| Like, they did something stupid, and they shouldn't be allowed to drive. | ||
| They should definitely pay a fine. | ||
| They should definitely get in trouble for driving intoxicated, for sure. | ||
| But do you really need to be violent with them and lock them in a cage? | ||
| I don't know if that's the case. | ||
| Not in that guy's case. | ||
| The way that guy was interacting with a cop, it seemed like he just was fucked up and just wanted to go home. | ||
| Suddenly it just went... | ||
| Yeah, because that's what we were talking about before. | ||
| Like when a cop has to worry when he's talking to a guy, the guy could be like super kind and just thinking about punching him in the face. | ||
| Like if I was in a situation like in a movie, like a Bourne Identity movie, and there was a cop that was interrogating me and he was saying something to me and he kept closing in on me. | ||
| I was like, oh my God, I'm going to have to knock this cop out. | ||
| Okay, I don't want them to know I'm going to hit them, so I'm just going to be really compliant. | ||
| That's what I would do. | ||
| I would go, well, sir, I definitely didn't know that that was happening. | ||
| No, sir. | ||
| Well, and then bang! | ||
| I saw a video. | ||
| You've got to be able to do it where they don't know you're going to do it. | ||
| I saw a video exactly like that last night. | ||
| This guy was just being really cool, and the cop was like, can I just search you a little bit? | ||
| He's like, yeah, man. | ||
| He's dead. | ||
| They don't show the actual last moments, but it happens. | ||
| That's how it goes down, man. | ||
| It can easily go down like that where someone can pretend. | ||
| They'll pretend they're being nice to you and then they'll shoot you. | ||
| And the cops watch these. | ||
| They make them watch them, say, like, this could happen. | ||
| But you know what's fucked up, dude? | ||
| I was reading about the Comanches doing that, the settlers, too. | ||
| People have always done that. | ||
| Yeah, everything's fine, everything's fine. | ||
| Then they fuck them up. | ||
| It's like an old trick. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like I was reading this horrible story about or listening to this horrible story about these Comanches that came into these people's houses and uh they came in they just wanted their food. | ||
| They said let me have food and then people fed them and then after they ate they said uh go now no hurt go vamoose no hurt they like they forced the people out of their own house yeah and the people just didn't know what to do they just like let's run they just started running across the field they got about a half a mile the Comanches found them and one lady who was pregnant They cut the top of her head off. | ||
| Like, and they scalped her from the ears up. | ||
| So they literally cut all... | ||
| While she was alive, cut all the skin from her ears all the way to... | ||
| They removed the top skin of her skull. | ||
| They cut it off and took it with them. | ||
| And they shot her full of arrows. | ||
| And she survived for a couple days and gave birth to a stillborn baby. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Bro! | ||
| This is what people were capable of in 1840, right? | ||
| So just... | ||
| We're the same thing as those people. | ||
| We're the same thing. | ||
| And when shit goes fucking completely sideways, I was watching this thing in New Mexico where this one kid hit this guy with a skateboard and then pulled a knife out on the guy and the guy reaches out of his fucking pants and pulls a gun and shoots the dude down. | ||
| And I'm like, oh my god. | ||
| This was at one of those take down a statue rallies. | ||
| Yeah, it's like fuck people are losing their mind. | ||
| I mean it's not that kind of horrific violence is not that far removed from that shit that was going on with the Settlers and the Plains Indians is not that far removed man. | ||
| It's like you're only a couple incidents away Nobody thought we'd be seeing that on a regular basis people having gunfights on the street and A dude getting attacked by Antifa and he fucking lights him up with a 9mm and drops him while everyone's screaming. | ||
| Who the fuck? | ||
| When did you ever see that? | ||
| That's pretty rare. | ||
| Now there's like a new video every couple days of something crazy happening. | ||
| Well, now that we've cheered everyone up, I think I've been hilarious the past hour. | ||
| You were very good the entire three hours. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We've done it for three hours. | |
| Have we been here three hours? | ||
| It's 3.20. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| It's 3.20 right now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Anyway, sorry, Jamie. | ||
| Come on, bro. | ||
| It's like, let me go home. | ||
| It's awesome. | ||
| This was really fun. | ||
| It's always awesome. | ||
| Thank you, and I want to take this home. | ||
| You take that home. | ||
| You can have another one. | ||
| You want another one? | ||
| Yeah, I do. | ||
| We actually have weed giveaway bags. | ||
| Because here in California, this one good thing, marijuana is legal. | ||
| It's one of the only good things. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's worked out. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Have they looked at the crime rates since? | ||
| That's what shows you how fucked up our government is. | ||
| They can't balance the economy, even with all that weed money. | ||
| Is it helping at all? | ||
| Yeah, it's helping them get rich. | ||
| All that weed money. | ||
| Think about how much more money is pumped into the economy and these fucking twats can't manage it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Let's go to that town. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Which one? | |
| Seattle. | ||
| Oh, Chaz? | ||
| Let's go to Chaz. | ||
| Hang out. | ||
| Yeah, sure. | ||
| Just like communists. | ||
| Start our lives there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well... | |
| I gotta go. | ||
| I have so many important things to do. | ||
| I'd love to chat with you guys. | ||
| Kyle Dunnigan, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| Joe Rogan, everybody. | ||
| Always fun. | ||
| Thank you, brother. | ||
| That was a lot of fun. | ||
| Enjoy this. | ||
| Bye, everybody. | ||
| Bye-bye. | ||
| That was fun. | ||
| We got into some serious stuff, too. |
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