June 12, 2020 - The Joe Rogan Experience
03:02:03
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
| Hello, family man. | ||
| Hello, sir. | ||
| Good to see you, brother. | ||
| Good to see you, too. | ||
| We were just talking about, like, you have two kids now. | ||
| You have a real family. | ||
| You've got to get an SUV. Yeah. | ||
| Oh, yeah, we had something, but once you get the two car seats in the back and then, you know, with all the shit for the kids and then all the shit your wife has, all of a sudden it's just like, oh, I now understand. | ||
| Remember the Suburban? | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| Which was a long, like, blazer? | ||
| And you look at that thing like, who the fuck needs all of that unless you're, like, homeless and that's where you live? | ||
| But then you're like, oh, I get it. | ||
| Again, if you have three, four kids, yeah, you definitely need one. | ||
| You definitely need one. | ||
| They always bring a bunch of shit with them, too. | ||
| They want to bring stuff. | ||
| Oh yeah? | ||
| You have to have room for a toy or this or that. | ||
| Those Tesla ones you were talking about, those are great. | ||
| The X with the crazy doors? | ||
| Yeah, the Lambo doors. | ||
| Yeah, those are dope. | ||
| Have you ever seen them dance? | ||
| No. | ||
| Tiffany Haddish had one. | ||
| She was in the back of the comedy store. | ||
| I heard that. | ||
| And she set it to dance and she puts music on it and the wings start going up and the car starts turning left and right. | ||
| It's actually pretty badass. | ||
| It's fun. | ||
| She's one of the most fun people I've ever hung out with. | ||
| She's very fun. | ||
| I wish I was there for that. | ||
| She had the COVID. She had it. | ||
| She got it over. | ||
| She kicked it. | ||
| I'm surprised more comics didn't get it the way we're shaking hands and meeting people after shows. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| My wife had the kids, so we had to get tested, so I was... | ||
| You're clean? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Big Jay Oakerson got it. | ||
| He had it, and he's clean. | ||
| It feels weird to be talking to people that have it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I know a lot of people that got it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I know about nine... | ||
| You're naming names like Joe McCarthy over there. | ||
| They're fine now. | ||
| Well, I like people who've had it now because they have the antibodies. | ||
| They think they can walk on fire. | ||
| It's like, dude, this thing is a brand new thing. | ||
| I don't know if you want to be testing... | ||
| You know, I got a buddy of mine ended up getting it, and then he was just like, well, I got tested. | ||
| I got the antibodies. | ||
| So now I think he feels like he's bulletproof, so... | ||
| They don't even know if you can catch it again. | ||
| They really have no idea. | ||
| Well, people are going to find out. | ||
| Yeah, we're going to find out. | ||
| Yeah, because when I was driving over here, I actually got into a moderate level of traffic on the highway. | ||
| Like, I've noticed it's just... | ||
| At some point, I mean, considering people are just kind of doing what they want to do, and a lot of people were. | ||
| After two weeks, everyone just sort of, depending on where your ego was, like, you're not going to fucking tell me. | ||
| This is all a fucking something. | ||
| I'm going to go outside. | ||
| Those people, they just kept it going. | ||
| So now I just feel like, well, you can't have 60% of the population go broke because less than 1% has something. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I think we're just going to go back, and if you get it, you get it, and if you die, you die, and if you don't, you don't, and then eventually they're going to get something that'll slow it down or stop it or something like that. | ||
| Here's what slows it down. | ||
| Your fucking immune system. | ||
| They don't tell you a goddamn thing about that. | ||
| They don't tell you how to take care of your immune system. | ||
| There's no word about that. | ||
| Put a mask on. | ||
| Wash your hands. | ||
| No one's telling you sleep more, drink water, take vitamins. | ||
| There's none of that. | ||
| Yeah, and I know this one guy who brought up vitamin D on his big podcast and then you couldn't find it anymore. | ||
| Dude, you're like fucking Oprah when she attacked the meat industry. | ||
| I just saw a clip. | ||
| Oh, this guy on Rogan. | ||
| Of course, I didn't even research who the guy was. | ||
| It was just like, take vitamin D. It was a woman. | ||
|
unidentified
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It was a woman. | |
| That's how much I pay attention. | ||
| And then I go to the fucking health food store. | ||
| It's all gone. | ||
| And there was something like this bootleg vitamin D. It was like vitamin D plus. | ||
| I'm like, what is that? | ||
| What is that? | ||
| I know that that's probably going to make me catch it. | ||
| I just take vitamin C and I try to get eight hours sleep. | ||
| I've been doing a pretty good job. | ||
| I'm pretty antisocial like a lot of comics, so I haven't had a problem. | ||
| Keep it away from everybody? | ||
| I quarantine in my house. | ||
| My wife says, are you guys going to sit down and have dinner with us? | ||
| I'm always over in the corner. | ||
| If I'm alone, no one can hurt me. | ||
| Just leftover childhood shit. | ||
| Just coming from a family of loners. | ||
| Do you feel weird not doing stand-up? | ||
| What has that been like? | ||
| I did not miss it at all. | ||
| But I think that whenever there's something painful in my life, I think that that's what I do. | ||
| I just go, I don't care. | ||
| I don't give a fuck. | ||
| I really learned a lot more about myself during this quiet time of not running around and going to airports and kind of sitting with myself and being like, wow, I thought I was way further down the road Working on myself than I was, but I have a lot of fucking childhood issues left over. | ||
| Isn't that crazy? | ||
| All these puzzle pieces just started coming in, and I was able to look all the way back where I was to where I am now and how I got here, and these little fucking things that happened to me. | ||
| You know, good things and bad that just sort of knocked me down this road that I'm on. | ||
| Just sitting alone with alone time? | ||
| Yeah, well, you know, my wife was going through, you know, the third trimester, you know, when they're just over it, and you're like, oh God, there's six weeks to go. | ||
| I made it happen now! | ||
| He's like, oh no. | ||
| You know, I'd finally, you know, get my daughter to bed, get her to bed, everything was good, made sure all the doors were locked, and then I was just sort of like, why, you know, all these years of doing stand-up, I'm just up at that hour. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So I was just sort of, you know, sitting kind of by myself, like I... I don't know. | ||
| I haven't been watching TV, like the news. | ||
| You just brought up three things. | ||
| You see, he's going on Seattle with the fucking FCC, whatever he says. | ||
| I don't even know what it is. | ||
| What is Tifa? | ||
| Antifa, they call themselves anti-fascists. | ||
| And they wear masks and carry sticks and helmets and shit. | ||
| And intimidate people? | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| To stop fascism. | ||
| They use fascism to stop fascism. | ||
| And they blocked off, I think, six blocks of Seattle and they declared it a police-free zone. | ||
| This is occupied by the people of Seattle and you can't use money in that police-free zone. | ||
| You know, Joe, I'm going to go out on a limb and say that's not going to end well. | ||
| It's not going to end well at all. | ||
| The only thing that's going to keep it from ending badly is that Seattle is kind of a fucked up city. | ||
| They tolerate a lot of homelessness. | ||
| Seattle's got a lot of weird laws. | ||
| I forget the way it's described. | ||
| I think it's a mutual combat state. | ||
| That's what it's described. | ||
| So if you're in front of a cop, say if I'm a cop, and you and Jamie decide to duke it out, you can just say, you want to fight, motherfucker? | ||
| And he'll go, yeah, I want to fight. | ||
| And the cops will let you fight. | ||
| Because it's some Wild West mining shit from like the fucking 1600s. | ||
| Settled it like men. | ||
| No lawsuits. | ||
| I like it. | ||
| You can duke it out in the middle of the street. | ||
| It's very dangerous though. | ||
| People getting knocked out on the street is fucking terrifying because they fall and they hit their head and they go unconscious. | ||
| And there's no refs to stop those last nine hammer fists. | ||
| Well, I think the cops are supposed to do that. | ||
| The cops are supposed to act as a referee too. | ||
| There's videos of guys getting into street fights in Seattle and cops just standing around watching. | ||
| Yeah, it's real weird. | ||
| I don't have a problem. | ||
| If two people are willing to do it, and they know the risks, you know if you get hit, you're going to fall and crack your head on the back of the curb there? | ||
| A lot of them are drunk, though. | ||
| They don't know the risks. | ||
| There was one of them, this kid, I think his last name is Fodor. | ||
| I think Carlos Fodor. | ||
| He was an MMA fighter, and he would dress up like a superhero. | ||
| See if you can find out. | ||
| Do you remember his name? | ||
| Anyway... | ||
| Well, I... I don't have any sympathy for those people. | ||
| I think he called himself Phoenix Jones. | ||
| If I saw a guy walking around dressed like a superhero, I'd be like, that guy's out of his fucking mind. | ||
| And I would give him a wide berth. | ||
| Hoping he was on his way to his place of solitude, whatever. | ||
| Maybe he's on his way home to his ice house. | ||
|
unidentified
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He's on his way to the Batcave or some cosplay convention. | |
| But if I was younger, yeah, I might have, you know, if I was standing in a crowd, yeah, I probably would have done some fucking punk shit like that. | ||
| Couple of whiskeys in, yeah? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Get my fucking orange wig slapped off. | ||
| Yeah, probably. | ||
| So Seattle is run by a warlord. | ||
| One fucking dude, apparently, according to my friend, who's a SEAL, was running this entire seven block or six block area of Seattle. | ||
| They spray painted all the windows on this. | ||
| Yeah, you know. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Talk to me in three days. | ||
| It's been going on a lot longer than that. | ||
| It'll be fine. | ||
| You think so? | ||
|
unidentified
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Yes. | |
| When is this going to happen? | ||
| Do you think this warlord's what? | ||
| Is he going to have 10 blocks and then 11 and then he's going to take over all of Washington? | ||
| I mean, he's going to run out of men. | ||
| They have guns. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| That's the problem. | ||
| The problem is that they're openly carrying rifles inside this six-block thing. | ||
| I know, but they need to eat, okay? | ||
| And then no supplies are going to get in that seven blocks. | ||
| They're just going to wait them out. | ||
| Or they're going to come in with superior firepower. | ||
| It's not going to end well, Joe. | ||
| I don't think it's going to end well. | ||
| I don't know how it's going to end. | ||
| Alright, let's guess the scenario. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Alright, how many bodies? | ||
| What's the over-under? | ||
| It makes four people die. | ||
| How many are there? | ||
| How many of them are there? | ||
| Thousands, I think. | ||
| Thousands and you're only going with four. | ||
| That's a good number. | ||
| That's like a Vegas number where you're like, fuck. | ||
| They always pick the perfect. | ||
| Do I go over or do I go under this? | ||
| The Price is Right. | ||
| I don't know how many fucking people are in there, but the photos that I saw, the place is packed, filled with people like they're just getting out of a Chappelle show. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| These are the people. | ||
|
unidentified
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They took City Hall. | |
| Oh, they took City Hall. | ||
| They own City Hall now? | ||
| Oh, now most of them are white, so I don't see the staying power of this. | ||
| Wait, what did you just say? | ||
| They opened the door for them? | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| They gave them City Hall. | ||
| So this is City Hall they're walking into right now? | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah, this is, yeah. | |
| Well, this is going to be funny now when they get in and they don't know what to do. | ||
| Let me hear some volume on this, Jamie. | ||
| You want to hear what the fuck they're yelling? | ||
|
unidentified
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Something about Jamie Masada. | |
| Jamie's got to go? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The Laugh Factory in Long Beach got looted last night. | ||
| Oh God, I can't imagine how many puppets they took. | ||
| Is there puppets in the Laugh Factory in Long Beach? | ||
| There's these giant creepy fucking mannequins. | ||
| That place is, you know, I love that place. | ||
| I love performing there. | ||
| But some of the Jamie's decor. | ||
| One of my favorite things to do in this business is shit on Jamie Masada. | ||
| He knows I love him. | ||
| Buddy. | ||
| Bill Burr. | ||
| Black Lives Matter, buddy. | ||
| Don't burn down my club. | ||
| Yes, please, buddy. | ||
| This business has always been weird like that. | ||
| No, that's why you're the king, dude, because you got outside of it, but you're totally in it, and they can't get you. | ||
| They can't get you. | ||
| I'm piling up some stories here, being in the Matrix. | ||
| I won't get into them, but it's the same. | ||
| It's just the same old... | ||
| Corporations only know how to do business one fucking way, and it's just... | ||
| Well, they push their advantage. | ||
| They push their advantage, they have their leverage, and they want the biggest slice of the pie. | ||
| That's what they do. | ||
| I don't have a problem with that. | ||
| It's when they go beyond that and they just straight up steal. | ||
| Are they stealing from you? | ||
| Everybody does. | ||
| Every time you get in business with corporate guys, this is how it works. | ||
| It's like the check. | ||
| We're in business to make money from them and then you get in business with them and then the check goes to the corporate guy and then you get your cut off of his checkbook. | ||
| So right there, I am immediately in a situation where there's no way I can steal from him, but he can rob me fucking blind. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And you can add a bunch of expenses on the things that- Front end load expenses to make it look like they're losing money. | ||
| And yeah. | ||
| That's Hollywood accounting. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, it's stealing. | ||
| It's stealing is what it is. | ||
| They just call it Hollywood accounting. | ||
| But it's not Hollywood accounting. | ||
| It's corporate accounting. | ||
| It's scumbag accounting. | ||
| And it's how they do it, and they sleep at night, and then they always have, oh, that's over in the accounting section of the building, not over here where me and my yacht are. | ||
| I'm like artist friendly. | ||
| You know, I majored in fucking liberal arts in college. | ||
| Well, what was really interesting when podcasts started to take off, they started to try to get in with the old model and weasel into podcasts and buy pieces of podcasts. | ||
|
unidentified
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Your deal is gonna... | |
| If you think the fucking industry is gonna sit back when they didn't get to wet their beak on that thing, I'm going to tell every young comic when we get back to this shit, is what they're going to do now is what the music industry did, where they started signing straight across the board deals. | ||
| They're going to get some young kid who's got no power in the business and is just like, you know, we'll help you create a podcast. | ||
| You know, we're signed with so-and-so, blah, blah, blah. | ||
| And what they're going to do is they're going to own the podcast, the advertising money is going to go to them, and they're going to rob them fucking blind. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| They're going to 100%, 100% going to fucking steal from them, rob them, fucking blind, and then when they get audited and they get caught stealing, they're going to label that kid, that young comic, difficult to work with. | ||
| Meaning difficult to steal from. | ||
| It's already happening. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I know guys, young guys, I won't name any names, but they've come up to me and go, hey, I'm signed to this management company, they want to sign me, but they want a piece of my podcast, they want a piece of this, and they want it in perpetuity. | ||
| There's no reason, there's no reason. | ||
| You've got to tell people that. | ||
| Oh, I tell them. | ||
|
unidentified
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You've got to tell people, do not- I tell them, don't give up anything. | |
| Don't give up anything. | ||
| Don't ever. | ||
| It's all you. | ||
| Because they're not going to do anything for you. | ||
| What they're going to do is move the ball quicker that first fucking two years, and then the rest is all going to be you. | ||
| If you just hang in there and struggle a little bit, like... | ||
| You've got to grind. | ||
| You've just got to hang in there and keep going. | ||
| I mean, I've got a lot of offers to buy half of the podcast, or to buy... | ||
| And I... Nothing. | ||
| I won't do it. | ||
| I'll never do it. | ||
| But then Spotify came along and they said, we'll give you a licensing deal. | ||
| So just put it on our network for three months, but you still own it. | ||
| I'm like, alright, we're in. | ||
| And that's why we did it that way. | ||
| But this comic that I won't name, he was telling me that this management company, they wanted to sign him, they wanted to own a piece of his podcast forever. | ||
| And I'm like, that is fucking crazy. | ||
| Yeah, because what they're going to look at it is they're going to make it like if you started a podcast while you were with this manager or while you were with this agent, it'll be like back in the day when you booked a sitcom. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| And then if you left the agency or the manager throughout the lifetime of that sitcom, you owed the commission to them. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| But back then, you needed them to do that. | ||
| You don't need them for the podcast, but they're going to do that, so then you're going to leave this manager, and then for the rest of your fucking life, you're going to be paying this never-ending alimony. | ||
| I mean, there'll be guys, eventually, they'll try to take 50, 60, I own your podcast, managers will start, agents will start podcast networks, because there's nobody regulating them. | ||
| To not do that anymore. | ||
| I got an offer just five years ago from a company that was a radio company that wanted 50% of the podcast. | ||
| They were going to give me no money. | ||
| They wanted 50% of the podcast just to be associated with them. | ||
| And they're like, we're going to pull together all these advertisers and it's going to help your revenue. | ||
| 50%. | ||
| No, but that's the same model. | ||
| And they never deliver with what they say they're gonna, and then they come in and they just gut the thing. | ||
| Well, the beautiful thing about podcasts is podcasts all get big on word of mouth. | ||
| Like, I've never advertised this podcast. | ||
| I never did anything with it. | ||
| I never bought billboards or put ads up anywhere. | ||
| It's just from word of mouth. | ||
| And the way other podcasts grow is people get on people's podcasts and they say, hey, you listen to Bill Burr's podcast, Monday Morning Podcast, fucking hilarious. | ||
| And then it just grows. | ||
| But I think it's the job of people making money in podcasting to let new podcasters know, do not sign those deals ever. | ||
| Do not let the fox into the henhouse because they're going to fucking rob you blind. | ||
|
unidentified
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And you don't need them. | |
| I saw this documentary one time on this heavy metal band, Anvil, right? | ||
| This crazy thing about this band that just was around forever and never quite made it. | ||
| And I think it was that one. | ||
| It's one of those ones about an old metal band from the 80s. | ||
| And this guy said... | ||
| The truest shit ever. | ||
| When he was talking about the music business, and this goes straight across podcasts and everything, he goes, you're better to own something 100% and only sell 20,000 copies than you are to not own it at all and sell 20 million. | ||
| You're literally going to make more if you just sell 20 million. | ||
| Isn't that crazy? | ||
| Yeah, no, they're fucked. | ||
| And then another thing that they do, oh my god, dude, another thing that they do is then all the people that they lose on, they dump that on you. | ||
| Yes, yes. | ||
| Like I remember one time, I forget what it, I was with this network and I had a CD that was already made. | ||
| I already made it and I just wanted them to put it out on their label and they wanted to own the CD. And I was like, no, I don't want you to own it. | ||
| I just need you to distribute it. | ||
| I need you as a distributor. | ||
| And the guy said to me, he goes, well, you know, ownership shouldn't be that big a deal for you. | ||
| It should be about exposure. | ||
| I said, all right, well, let me ask you this. | ||
| If ownership shouldn't be that big a deal to me, why is it such a big deal to you? | ||
| And he started, like, stammering. | ||
| And then he basically said, well, you know, we get in business with something. | ||
| He named a couple other comics whose CDs didn't sell. | ||
| And we have to recoup those losses. | ||
| It's like, that ain't my fault. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| I could have told you not to sign that fucking jerk off. | ||
| It's not my fault you didn't do the fucking work. | ||
| So that's the way... | ||
| I had another one, one time I signed, this was back when I made like CDs and I did one and I had a 60-40. | ||
| You get, you know, I was getting 60 and they were getting 40, but their 40 was off the gross, mine was off the net, and all expenses for the album was on me. | ||
| It's like, I thought we were doing this together. | ||
| Every fucking thing, the artwork, printing it, all of that, all of those expenses came to me, and in the end, that 60-40, 60 net, 40 gross, they made way more money than I did. | ||
| It's just how they... | ||
| And you're like, oh, okay, well, I'm getting $6 on every 10. Yeah, plus... | ||
| But anything... | ||
| It's just hilarious that they would come up to you and tell you that we did some deals with some other comics. | ||
| Dude, I got in business one time to make this TV show and the fucking guy sends the bill for the whole fucking thing. | ||
| I shouldn't be saying that, but this is a while ago, right? | ||
| The guy was going to bill us $2,500 a month to use his copier machine and another, I don't know, $4,500 to use his editing. | ||
| It's like, dude, we have both of those things. | ||
| We don't need those. | ||
| Let's take that money and put it on the screen. | ||
| We're trying to get this thing to go. | ||
| Oh, it's the funniest shit ever. | ||
| ever. | ||
| He goes like, I'm insulted by those questions or something like that, which is my favorite thing ever. | ||
| The, the, the offense, like the, uh, what is the, like the, I don't know. | ||
| You're a fucking thief and you actually have the audacity. | ||
| To be, like, taken aback. | ||
| Like, fanning yourself. | ||
| Like, I can't believe you just... | ||
| How many fucking shows are you charging $2,500 a month to go, you know, fucking... | ||
| Use your copy machine. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| That's a lot of money. | ||
| That's rent for a nice apartment. | ||
| No, fucking thieves. | ||
| For a copy machine? | ||
| How much does it cost to use that copy machine, really? | ||
| First of all, the copy machine probably doesn't even cost $2,500. | ||
| He's probably renting it. | ||
| Probably rents it for a couple hundred bucks a fucking month. | ||
| But even to buy a copy machine. | ||
| He probably has nine shows paying $2,500 a month for him to go, that's it. | ||
| If you have a really big one, one of those commercial-grade copy machines, what does it cost, $10,000? | ||
| How much could it cost? | ||
| I mean, I think he's bought a couple of houses off of owning that copier machine. | ||
| And I just love telling these fucking stories because these are the things that you like. | ||
| What's great about podcasting is you can say this. | ||
| This is for every person out there who has a fucking business. | ||
| And, you know, there's that thing where you want to take it to the next level. | ||
| And then these guys come in and then they're all just like, yeah, well, hey, we're going to take a piece of it. | ||
| And they take a big fucking chunk out of it. | ||
| And what they do is their risk is all the way down here. | ||
| Yours is up here. | ||
| And then somehow they just I'm telling you, like, you're better. | ||
| You better just sell 20,000 copies, own it 100% than 20 million and not own any of it because you're going to make more money. | ||
| That's just how the game is played. | ||
| And those fucking guys who steal from people, they sleep very comfortably. | ||
| But it's also just podcasts, just the stress of dealing with other people is eliminated. | ||
| Just the stress of dealing with production people, executives. | ||
| It slows it down. | ||
| It slows it down. | ||
| Yeah, it's awful. | ||
| It's awful. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, the only thing Spotify has ever done so far... | ||
| Is ask, do you know who the first guest will be? | ||
| And already I'm like, ugh. | ||
| They're going to be who they're going to be. | ||
| They're going to be great. | ||
| I'm going to try to get my best friends, the funniest people. | ||
| That's them justifying their desk. | ||
| I can't just sit here like, Joe knows what he's doing. | ||
| Any idea? | ||
| I'd like to start an email chain and we could maybe circle back later and have a conference call. | ||
| And they're just trying to fill up their... | ||
| Yeah, they're just having to use time. | ||
| But the Spotify people have been great. | ||
| They literally said, we don't want to do anything. | ||
| We want you to just do what you're doing. | ||
| Just do what you're doing. | ||
| But even asking me who the guest is going to be, I was like, oh no. | ||
| Please let this be the only question. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm never available. | ||
| And that's nothing, though. | ||
| That's nothing. | ||
| I mean, they're great. | ||
| But could you imagine if you were doing that with a network? | ||
| Like, imagine if you were in business with ABC or something like that, and they were helping produce your podcast. | ||
| You'd have to go in for meetings. | ||
| You'd have to go and sign into the office. | ||
| Bill, you sign in here, you go and sit down and waste your fucking afternoon having some dopey conversation. | ||
| You kind of complain a lot when you read these letters, Bill. | ||
| Do you have to when people are signing the emails? | ||
| Maybe you should be happier. | ||
| Can we get a reread on the blah, blah, blah? | ||
| How do you feel about product placement? | ||
| Because we've got a great deal with Coca-Cola. | ||
| Look, I just wanted to tell a few of those younger people out there because it actually really bothers me. | ||
| That people do that to people. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| It really bothers me. | ||
| And I love comics. | ||
| And I love seeing new comics coming up that have talent. | ||
| And I hate seeing them get fucked over. | ||
| So hopefully people listen and they do it. | ||
| But they're fucking worms, man. | ||
| They're fucking worms. | ||
| There's a lot of worms out there. | ||
| And there's a lot of worms that try to grab comics that are talented but real raw. | ||
| And they try to lock you up to some enormous lifetime management deal. | ||
| And when you take off and you have something... | ||
| Dude, I remember back in the day when everyone... | ||
| Companies were like shooting specials before comics started shooting them and the amount of guys that got that yeah We only got enough money for to shoot one You know to only you can only shoot at one time, but you're gonna crush it man You got this hour down We only got enough in the budget and then they'd show up early and they'd be shooting another comic special Off their money the deal to double them as a management company what they would get or an agency the amount of fucking times that that happened with the same audience Do you want to hear the best one I ever heard? | ||
| Jim Brewer was filming a special, sold out this theater, and the people that were filming the special told him that the money for the ticket sales was theirs because it was all about the production. | ||
| Because the money that people were paying for the production, he's like... | ||
| The fuck are you talking about? | ||
| This is my audience. | ||
| Like, that's my money. | ||
| His management tried to steal the money from ticket sales and say that it went towards production. | ||
| Went all the way to court with it. | ||
| His manager's on the way to court, has a fucking panic attack, goes to the hospital. | ||
| Like, the whole thing's a nightmare. | ||
| I think Jim won. | ||
| Yeah, of course he won. | ||
| Well, it's thievery. | ||
| It's thievery. | ||
| People are paying to see Jim Brewer. | ||
| I have a million of those fucking stores. | ||
| I have a lot of those, too. | ||
| But this is the thing. | ||
| This is what kills me about a lot of this... | ||
| There's rhetoric that's going on out there, which I agree with 90% of it, but if you agree with 100% of it, you and I are not supposed to be having stories like this. | ||
| We're supposed to be the ones doing it. | ||
| What do you mean? | ||
| As far as the whole, oh, you're a white male, heterosexual, doors just fly open, and people are like, hey, what are your dreams? | ||
| I'm not saying, and I'm obviously not bitching, but I'm just saying that Like, people will fuck you. | ||
| It's all about money. | ||
| It's all about money. | ||
| They don't give a fuck, and they all, those people that do that shit, really... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, there's a long history of Hollywood accounting. | ||
| There's a long history of that. | ||
| I mean, there's been so many stories about people who made killer hit movies and never got paid. | ||
| Because Hollywood's like, look, you know, we have this much had to go to advertising, and this is the production. | ||
| Look how bad Elvis got fucked. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Elvis got fucked so bad, and then one of the main ways he got fucked on the road, he only did one out-of-the-country date, I believe he did Toronto, and he never traveled the world because his manager had something going on with his visa, and he was worried if he left, he wouldn't be able to come back. | ||
| So that kind of, like, fucked him out of a ton of fucking money and seeing the world or whatever the fuck he might have wanted to do. | ||
| Keep doing these movies, Elvis! | ||
| You know how to go on the road! | ||
| That is hilarious. | ||
| Well, you know, the best version of breaking down how corrupt the music business is was by Courtney Love. | ||
| They said she had a ghostwriter. | ||
| I don't know, but she did. | ||
| But it's a great article that she wrote documenting exactly how much you get paid versus how much money gets generated and where it all goes and how they fuck you. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, it's... | ||
| They've always done it that way. | ||
| I mean, that's always the way they've done it. | ||
| That's the answer. | ||
| They take these young people. | ||
| That's the answer to it. | ||
| Well, I mean, that's how it's done. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's how we do it. | |
| So, whatever. | ||
| I don't want to fucking sit here bitching the whole time. | ||
| Hey, are you smoking cigars? | ||
| Are you done? | ||
| I quit, but I smoke like one or two a month. | ||
| Oh, God damn it, Joe. | ||
| I got these from Mike Binder. | ||
| They're good, too. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Yes. | ||
| Well, I guess I didn't quit today, did I? Come on, Billy. | ||
| Fun times. | ||
| Are we doing this? | ||
| Yes, let's do it. | ||
| All right. | ||
| Come on, we've got to celebrate. | ||
| You had a kid. | ||
| You have to. | ||
| There you go. | ||
| It's my birthday yesterday, too. | ||
| Oh, that's right. | ||
| Happy birthday. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| You're 38 again. | ||
| 52, brother. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| That's me, too. | ||
| 52 pickup. | ||
| Isn't that a weird number? | ||
| Like you say it, it doesn't seem real. | ||
| Well, I think in your 50s, nothing matters until the odometer flips to 60. And then you're just like, fuck. | ||
| Yeah, I know. | ||
| 60? | ||
| Guys in their 60s that fucking hang in there? | ||
| Yeah, sorry. | ||
| Guys in their 60s that hang in there. | ||
| Is this the Ted Nugent one? | ||
| Look at this with the fucking... | ||
| That's a serious one. | ||
| That's from Benchmade Knives. | ||
| That's an awesome knife company. | ||
| They gave me a good cigar cutter. | ||
| Mmm. | ||
| Mmm. | ||
| You sound like Bill Murray in fucking What About Bob, which I just watched the other day, you know, when he's eating the food? | ||
| Great fucking movie. | ||
| That's a perfect movie. | ||
| When he's fucking eating. | ||
| We did a family movie night, basically every day of the pandemic. | ||
| It was... | ||
| First couple of months... | ||
| Basically every night we watch a new movie. | ||
| Watched every single Adam Sandler movie. | ||
| Watched Groundhog Day again. | ||
| And I forgot how good Groundhog Day was. | ||
|
unidentified
|
These are delicious. | |
| Shout out to Mike Binder. | ||
| Yeah, they're very good. | ||
| Anyway. | ||
| Anyway. | ||
| But podcasting is fun. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Look, it's a great business. | ||
| I mean, I started off because I was kind of depressed because I had to move back here from Colorado. | ||
| I thought I had escaped. | ||
| I thought I was gone. | ||
| I was like, I'm out. | ||
| Fuck LA. I can't take these crowds and everything. | ||
| I want peace and I want the wilderness. | ||
| I live in the mountains. | ||
| I remember that. | ||
| And then you had to have a Glock when you went out to go get your mail so you didn't get eaten by a fucking bobcat or something. | ||
| Mountain Lion. | ||
| Mountain Lion, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, I saw one in the yard. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That could be an issue. | |
| I know. | ||
| That's basically a middleweight tiger. | ||
| It's a welterweight. | ||
| Welterweight. | ||
| 150 pounds. | ||
| 147. Welterweight tiger. | ||
| Welterweight boxing, at least. | ||
| Welterweight MMA is 170. Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's a weird animal to see in the woods, too, because you know if that thing runs at you, you literally have no chance. | ||
| They're scared of you, though. | ||
| They don't want nothing to do with you for the most part. | ||
| If they're really hungry and really old, they'll fuck you up. | ||
| That's why I try to tell, you know, My wife, whenever you're outside, I'm like, Mama Bear is next to the cub. | ||
| Always, always. | ||
| I go, there's coyotes, and they're getting bold because everyone was inside. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And they come down every night looking for a little dog or a little fucking cat. | ||
| You hear that shit going down. | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| In the hills, every wife, you're like, you know, once two, you just hear... | ||
| Which is basically the dog like, what the fuck is that? | ||
| You know? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Fucking brutal. | ||
| Yeah, it's gross. | ||
| It's scary because a little cleanup crew goes around and catches animals slipping in the backyard. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't understand people who let little dogs out because those fucking coyotes, they'll figure out a way in. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Well, they're very smart. | ||
| They have to survive. | ||
| They figure out a way. | ||
| Little creepy fucks. | ||
| Yeah, they are little creepy fucks. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They're everywhere. | |
| They're in every city. | ||
| Can I promote this movie? | ||
| F is for Family, too. | ||
| F is for Family, season four. | ||
| It's coming out tomorrow. | ||
| Tomorrow I got two big things coming out and then that's it. | ||
| I'm dried up. | ||
| Because everybody in the interview is like, what's next for you after these two things? | ||
| That's it. | ||
| It's the pandemic. | ||
| Are you going to start going on the road at all? | ||
| Clubs are opening up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm going to see how you guys do. | ||
| I'll let you guys walk towards the atom bomb that they just... | ||
| I mean, I got a little one at home, so I think I'm going to chill until like September, unless it's just wide open. | ||
| By chill, I mean if things go well, I'm going to try to do some shows at the Troubadour, because I know that they're hurting, and that's one of my favorite venues. | ||
| All these bands that I love have played there. | ||
| The Troubadour on Santa Monica? | ||
| Yeah, so they're in a bad way because of this, so I'm going to try to do a little run of shows down there. | ||
| Are they available? | ||
| You can do that? | ||
| Not available yet, but when they are available, I'm going to try to do like a three-night thing down there, you know, work for free, get the rust off, have people pay for tickets, buy a bunch of booze and some Troubadour t-shirts, and keep that place going, man. | ||
| Oh, that's great. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I'll do that. | ||
| Yeah, well, shit. | ||
| I'll do that, too. | ||
| Let's do it. | ||
| I'll do it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That sounds like fun. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I went there twice this year. | ||
| I saw Everlast there, and I saw Sturgill Simpson there. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And Steve Martin opened for Richard Pryor there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| I read this great Steve Martin article where he was talking about opening for him there. | ||
| So it also has some comedy history there, too. | ||
| Well, when I was there, I was saying, this is a perfect venue for comedy. | ||
| It's like 500 seats. | ||
| It's awesome. | ||
| It's got a balcony. | ||
| It could be a great place for stand-up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The store needs help, too. | ||
| Everybody needs help. | ||
| Improv needs help. | ||
| Well, I know the store. | ||
| Once they can open up, I know they're going to be fine. | ||
| Because I'm going to be down there all the time anyway. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So as far as... | ||
| I think between now and September, if they start opening things up, there's a bunch of little theaters that are around... | ||
| That I would just pop in and do a night. | ||
| Like I said, just work for free. | ||
| Have the people pay whatever for some tickets and buy whatever they're selling there. | ||
| Knock the rust off. | ||
| Yeah, because I'm not going to have people pay full price. | ||
| I mean, I haven't taken this amount of time off since I started. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| My last gig was... | ||
| March 10th, the Dean Del Rey Bon Scott tribute. | ||
| Dude, you should have come down for that, man. | ||
| I couldn't. | ||
| I had another thing. | ||
| It looked like a lot of fun. | ||
| Dean fucking murdered. | ||
| The band murdered. | ||
| It was fucking... | ||
| And we had a great comedy show. | ||
| Dean's got a crazy voice. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's so good. | |
| He does. | ||
| It really sneaks up on you. | ||
| Because he'll sing in the car. | ||
| You're like, but then you see him when he's with the band and goes... | ||
| The microphone and everything. | ||
| When that video that you guys put on Instagram or him singing a whole lot of Rosie, I was like, holy fuck! | ||
| He's really good. | ||
| Well, he did it for like 15, 20 years. | ||
| You could tell. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, he's legit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| That was a good time. | ||
| And then it was over. | ||
| And then it was over. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Strange. | ||
| Yeah, I got some gigs lined up. | ||
| I'm gonna announce them next week. | ||
| But I'm just gonna hit the road, do some fucking clubs. | ||
| Knock the rust off. | ||
| It looks like the store is not listed as a bar. | ||
| It's listed as an entertainment, a live entertainment venue. | ||
| Because they're opening up bars and restaurants and all these different things. | ||
| And the store, they kind of, they tried to label it as a nightclub. | ||
| But Peter Shore is like, it's not a nightclub. | ||
| No one's milling around. | ||
| You sit down. | ||
| You go in and sit down. | ||
| It's more like... | ||
| So what do they need to be classified as to open up? | ||
| Well, they need a different distinction for comedy clubs. | ||
| They don't really have one. | ||
| And, you know, there's a good argument, a real good argument, that comedy clubs should be some sort of an essential business. | ||
| Because people need to blow off some steam. | ||
| It feels good. | ||
| It's really good for you. | ||
| Look, if I was a guy working a regular job and I was used to going to the store every couple months to knock some laughs into me, I mean, I'd be... | ||
| Fucking chomping at the bit to go see some comedy right now. | ||
| Oh, I think they're gonna be packed. | ||
| I remember I was in New York during 9-11 and I was like, is anything ever gonna be funny again? | ||
| And it was like a two-week lull and then they were just fucking packed. | ||
| And it actually became almost like a second boom or whatever. | ||
| Way back in the day. | ||
| I'm worried about a second wave of the corona. | ||
| I'm worried about them locking things down. | ||
| Someone's gotta step in and stop them from doing that. | ||
| Next wave, you guys gotta be proactive. | ||
| You gotta do something about people's immune systems. | ||
| You gotta lock down old people and sick people. | ||
| Let regular people do whatever the fuck they want. | ||
| You can't just lock people's freedom down for something that killed a small fraction of what you thought it was gonna kill. | ||
| The whole thing is... | ||
| It's just fucking creepy to have guys like Mayor Garcetti be in charge of telling people whether or not they get to work. | ||
| Like, that's not what a governor is supposed to be. | ||
| That's not what a mayor is supposed to be. | ||
| But they're trying to look out for your best interests and trying to get 400 million people to all pull in the same direction. | ||
| It's fucking... | ||
| You can't get 40 comics to pull in the same direction. | ||
| But they did. | ||
| They have, like, an impossible... | ||
| Well, they did and they didn't. | ||
| There was people fucking right... | ||
| The whole fucking time, there's been fucking assholes on my street walking around, no masks, you know, not quarantining like the people that come by the houses. | ||
| You see the fucking, you know, the same people that were going in and out of the house who are not part of their family still going in and out of the house. | ||
| You want people to walk down the street with a mask on? | ||
| Let's not start this, John. | ||
| Do you, though? | ||
| Let's not start this. | ||
| Let's start it. | ||
| I don't want to start this. | ||
| Bullshit. | ||
| I'm not going to sit here with no medical degree, listening to you with no medical degree, with an American flag behind you, smoking a cigar, acting like we know what's up, better than the CDC. All I do is I watch the news once every two weeks. | ||
| I'm like, mask or no mask? | ||
| Still mask? | ||
| All right, mask. | ||
| That's all I give a fuck about. | ||
| I don't care. | ||
| But even they say you shouldn't wear a mask unless you're treating a coronavirus patient. | ||
| The World Health Organization literally said that. | ||
| Yeah, but they didn't say that initially. | ||
| They didn't say it initially. | ||
| No, they didn't. | ||
| They did. | ||
| And then it gradually... | ||
| Wait, wait, wait. | ||
| And then everybody wore the fucking masks. | ||
| This is like rollerblading. | ||
| Everybody fucking rollerbladed. | ||
| And then there was that one fucking homophobic joke and then everybody acted like they never did it. | ||
| And then a hundred million fucking rollerblades got thrown into the fucking ocean. | ||
| We all wore masks. | ||
| I never rollerbladed. | ||
| And then all of a sudden, people are fucking sitting there. | ||
| What? | ||
| You don't have the body type for it, dude. | ||
| Your fucking knuckles would scrape on the ground. | ||
| Even with that extra two inches. | ||
| I just love how wearing a mask became like this fucking, like, soft thing that you were doing. | ||
| Like, being courteous. | ||
| Being courteous. | ||
| Why is it for bitches? | ||
| That was so stupid. | ||
| First of all... | ||
| Oh God, you're so tough with your fucking open nose and throat. | ||
| Gee, Joe, and your five o'clock shadow. | ||
| This is a man right here. | ||
| A man doesn't wear a mask. | ||
| Why does it always become like that? | ||
| It's always like the man versus the bitch. | ||
| That's what men do. | ||
| We make fun of things. | ||
| Anything. | ||
| Anything that seems like you're not taking chances, right? | ||
| That's what the mask is. | ||
| I don't have a problem with that unless you were already wearing the mask and then you're acting like you didn't. | ||
| And then all of a sudden people watch your thing and then they all pile up, oh look at this bitch wearing the mask. | ||
| It's like, you were fucking doing it two weeks ago. | ||
| I was scared out of my mind in the beginning. | ||
| In the beginning? | ||
| Like when the first, when everybody's shutting down in the beginning and people are stockpiling food, I was convinced. | ||
| I was like, Jesus Christ. | ||
| Dude, you have like nine elk in your basement. | ||
| You were the one person I knew was fine. | ||
| Tom Papa's making bread. | ||
| I've got plenty of food. | ||
| I knew he was fine. | ||
| That's not what I was worried about. | ||
| I was worried about people I knew getting really sick and dying. | ||
| And then I was convinced that I had it. | ||
| At one point in time, I was like, God, I do feel like I'm breathing heavy. | ||
| I felt like my breath is coming short. | ||
| I did. | ||
| I had psychosomatic issues thinking about it. | ||
| I got over it, though. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I got over it. | |
| Guy had a fucking panic attack, sitting on fucking 12 elk. | ||
| You had a fucking panic attack. | ||
|
unidentified
|
In the sauna. | |
| And then you felt bad about yourself, and then you attacked people with masks. | ||
| That's how it works. | ||
| And that's how the hatred starts, and that's right now why seven blocks of Seattle, you can't go now and get yourself... | ||
| I'm going to go, and I'm going to drop off free food for those folks, those fine protesters. | ||
| Joe, there's a major American city where seven blocks, the people have took over it, and I had no idea what you were talking about. | ||
| So... | ||
| That's great. | ||
| Anything that I say. | ||
| I don't watch it. | ||
| I envy you. | ||
| At all. | ||
| I envy that. | ||
| That you just do that. | ||
| You just shut everything down. | ||
| Me, every day, I check what part of the world's on fire right now. | ||
| I don't like hysteria. | ||
| I don't like making decisions with hysteria. | ||
| When I first became a dad, the hysteria of other parents, I would be looking at them, but I wasn't listening. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Because... | |
| That's what was the tone of everything we're saying. | ||
| You know, better get some sleep now. | ||
| And you'd be like... | ||
| And then anytime you say anything positive about your kid... | ||
| How old's your kid? | ||
| Seven weeks. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah? | |
| How old is... | ||
| Ah, she's great. | ||
| She's great. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, wait till seven and a half weeks. | |
| It's like... | ||
| It's like, dude, maybe you suck at it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How about that? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You're sitting there with your fucking legs trembling, right? | ||
| All nervous and shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't... | ||
| I don't like... | ||
| You know, I'm already fucked in the head. | ||
| I'm already fucked in the head. | ||
| I don't need 24-hour news network. | ||
| Like, who's that guy on Fox News? | ||
| I always joke with Neil. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Tucker? | |
| He's got great hair, but horrible points. | ||
| Like, if his points were as good as his hair. | ||
| Which guy? | ||
| He looks like a Kennedy. | ||
| I mean, he's just, he is the white guy's white guy. | ||
| He was talking about black people going, and when they come for you, and they will, they go, you know, it's just like, what are you fucking talking about? | ||
| Is it Hannity? | ||
| I don't know who he is. | ||
| No, it's not Hannity. | ||
| Hannity was the guy who they put with that fucking rooster at the end, a chick in the end of his life looking guy. | ||
| Like, here's your liberal. | ||
| Dude, and all my relatives who are conservative, like, I mean, look at him! | ||
| I mean, he's so meek! | ||
| It's like, this thing is cast like a show. | ||
| Yeah, who was that guy that he was with? | ||
| Hennany and Combs. | ||
| Remember that? | ||
| Hennany and Combs. | ||
| And the one guy looked like he was on death's door, and he was the liberal. | ||
| Oh, he was gray. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He was gray. | ||
| And the other guy looked like a football hero, astronaut with a square jaw. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, big, thick face. | |
| Nice fucking head of hair. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, nice head of hair. | |
| The other guy with the little glasses. | ||
| He looked like Mr. Burns, right? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| And he had no spine. | ||
| He wasn't a strong arguer. | ||
| He was the Washington Generals. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And the other guy was the Globetrotronist. | |
| Conservative point! | ||
| And then... | ||
| And then you put on CNN and you got all those fucking nitwits with the Situation Room and all of that. | ||
| How about Cuomo and his brother? | ||
| This is why I wish that there was a comedy club because there's a bit that's already come and gone. | ||
| What I loved was when Colin Kaepernick, when he was taking a knee, right? | ||
| All the liberals were just like... | ||
| Well, hey man, it's just like his opinion, man. | ||
| This is a time to listen, man. | ||
| And then everybody on the right is like, shut the fuck up and play football, you fucking piece of shit. | ||
| Don't disrespect the flag, right? | ||
| And then Drew Brees tweets something conservative. | ||
| And then all of a sudden, everybody on the right is like, hey man, this is just like his opinion, man. | ||
| And then everybody on the left is like, you fucking racist piece of shit, I'm going to fucking cancel you. | ||
| They literally do this. | ||
| Everybody believes in freedom of speech as long as you're saying what they want to fucking hear. | ||
| And that's why I fucking hate both of those news channels. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Very divisive. | |
| It makes my blood boil when I walk into a house... | ||
| With people I know, and if they're watching CNN or Fox, I can't get past... | ||
| When people watch the Kardashians, it's like, why would you do that to your brain? | ||
| It is what it's like. | ||
| I mean, it's very toxic. | ||
| It's very toxic, both sides. | ||
| And they never see any good points that the other side is making. | ||
| And every video on the internet starts after the thing happened. | ||
| And it's like you're getting eight episodes in, and you're like, what the fuck? | ||
| It's like, you don't know what's... | ||
| Like, if you watch the last scene of Jaws, you're like, why the fuck did he kill that shark? | ||
| There's enough sharks dying out there. | ||
| You didn't see that this thing was specifically targeting human beings, and he needed to do this, right? | ||
| How does that relate to the news? | ||
| I'm saying, when you watch the news... | ||
| People don't like... | ||
| They're not filming what leads up to whatever fucking confrontation happens. | ||
| Okay? | ||
| So you're getting a very skewed... | ||
| You don't know what happens. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know what a good version of that is? | |
| What they're saying happens. | ||
| Could be what happened. | ||
| Or a bunch of other shit. | ||
| I don't understand how I'm supposed to watch something. | ||
| You know, like, there's obviously obvious shit. | ||
| Like, that shit in Minneapolis was the most obvious shit ever. | ||
| That guy's a murderer, and those other three guys sat around and just watched him fucking do it. | ||
| A guy's calling out, I can't breathe, and all of this shit, and calling out for his mother was fucking sickening. | ||
| That guy's a monster, had the audacity to have a shocked look on his fucking face. | ||
| That guy's terrible, right? | ||
| But, like, what I'm saying is that thing had all of this... | ||
| He kind of got the whole fucking thing. | ||
| When they came up, you had the whole thing. | ||
| There's so many other... | ||
| And I'm not just... | ||
| I'm not talking about cop stuff. | ||
| I'm just talking about anything. | ||
| Taking a little piece of somebody's stand-up routine or a politician says this or voted... | ||
| He voted no on this. | ||
| And what it is is the shit that... | ||
| It's usually the shit that was attached to it. | ||
| Which is something I don't understand with politics. | ||
| Like, why can't you just vote on what you're voting on? | ||
| Like, should we have clean water? | ||
| Yes, we should. | ||
| And then, like, the shit that's attached to it. | ||
| But we can still fucking dump toxic shit in here. | ||
| And then when the guy goes to, or the woman goes to run, it's like, oh, this person voted against the Clean Water Act. | ||
| This is your tree hugger? | ||
| I'm Joe Blow and I approve of this message. | ||
| Well, here's a good version of that. | ||
| Remember the Covington school case? | ||
| The kid had a MAGA hat on and the Native American was beating the drums and the kid was smiling, looking at him, and they took it pretending that this kid walked up to this Native American beating the drums and was smiling in his face and mocking him. | ||
| What really happened is these kids were on a field trip for high school. | ||
| They're selling MAGA hats. | ||
| The kids are 16. They're being jerk-offs. | ||
| They buy these hats and put them on. | ||
| They're just having fun. | ||
| Very little supervision. | ||
| While they're there, these Native Americans are beating their drums and this guy walks up to the kid and gets in the kid's face and is beating the drum. | ||
| Now CNN, all these people went with this narrative that these kids were mocking him. | ||
| The kid just stood there smiling while this Native American got in his face. | ||
| But the photo of the kid doing that. | ||
| It's disturbing that those, you know, there used to be rules on ownership of media. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think way back in the day it was like a rule of sevens, like no one person could own seven, any combination of radio, TV, because you can literally influence public opinion. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| And that's why, like, I've watched, and I, dude, 12 years ago, I went down the Federal Reserve fucking rabbit hole. | ||
| I became a fucking, the guy you didn't want to talk to. | ||
| About the Federal Reserve? | ||
|
unidentified
|
All of that shit, the private thing, it's not, it's federal, it's the Federal Express, I went down. | |
| Jekyll Island. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| All of that shit. | ||
| And, like, I just feel like in the last I don't know how many years where it's just all of a sudden they stopped being just sort of everything they were I think reporting was always perverted to some level and now it's just it's just you're sort of watching like op-ed pieces so I don't know this is somebody who doesn't watch anything and reads like you know autobiographies of football players in the 1950s so in this Covington school kid case they sued the kids sued and won The | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| CNN paid him out to be a monster. | ||
| They were getting death threats. | ||
| And did CNN issue a retraction? | ||
| I don't know what they did, but they paid him. | ||
| I don't know what they... | ||
| That's why I don't like either one of those channels because of that. | ||
| And it causes, I think, rational people... | ||
| Like that guy, the fat dude in the bicycle suit ripping those pieces of paper out of those girls' hands. | ||
| Oh, yeah, Jesus Christ. | ||
| Yeah, that guy, that is the result, I think, of watching one of those channels 24-7 and then going on Facebook and writing in capital letters. | ||
| Could you imagine if you were there watching that guy rip pieces of paper out of a little girl's hand like that that he didn't even know? | ||
| Yelling in her, running up to her where the mother is yelling, you stop touching her! | ||
| Get your hands off her! | ||
| Oh, that was a mom? | ||
| I thought that was a friend. | ||
| Whoever that was. | ||
| It sounded like a woman. | ||
| It sounded like a woman yelling because it was a little girl. | ||
| He was doing everything but growling. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because then it gets to the point of, like, what is in your head that you're trying to defend? | ||
| Like, that's a guy... | ||
| But then everybody vilifies the guy, which I would rather sit down and talk to that guy and be like, let me ask you this. | ||
| When you watch that, you know, Floyd video, like, what is it that you see? | ||
| Because just yelling at somebody, canceling him and making him lose his fucking job, you're just going to make the guy even more angry. | ||
| And he probably has grandkids that he's going to fill there before he dies. | ||
| So what's the solution? | ||
| Sit down and talk to him? | ||
| I think that should be part of it. | ||
| Like, buddy, let's just sit down for a second. | ||
| You were on a bicycle. | ||
| You wanted to burn some calories. | ||
| You're obviously into it by the way you're dressed. | ||
| Okay? | ||
| You're enjoying America's great parks. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You come across these kids You know, do you like kids? | ||
| Have you ever attacked a kid before? | ||
| They're just putting a piece of paper up with the point of view, like, what do you think led up to that level of a response? | ||
| Because I have to be honest, like, we've all fucking snapped and done shit. | ||
| I would like to think I have. | ||
| And afterwards, I'd be like, what the fuck? | ||
| Why did I argue that? | ||
| Why did I say that? | ||
| Why did I do that? | ||
| And the only way... | ||
| To kind of prevent from you being a fucking asshole again is you have to kind of walk back and look at it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| So, going at the guy, which I totally understand, because it was so bad it was almost comical. | ||
| Because he was borderline growling at them. | ||
| Well, you know what was really bad? | ||
| He didn't even get the paper from the girl. | ||
| He grabs the girl, the girl clenched her fist down and held onto the paper. | ||
| My favorite part was the sound of the bottom of his shoes that clip into the pedals. | ||
| He sounded like a little show pony. | ||
| He was trying to growl like a tiger, and he sounded like my pretty pony, like somebody should have been combing his hair. | ||
| And I was sitting there going, look at this crazy old guy. | ||
| I don't know how old I thought he was, but then he was like 60. I was like, this guy's only eight years older than me. | ||
| So he graduated high school eight years before me. | ||
| So this guy is almost part of my generation. | ||
| What experiences did he have that he... | ||
| Looks at this whole thing like, you know, I mean, I'm not that thing saying all cops are like those guys. | ||
| It's like, no, it's like you have to get those guys off of the force. | ||
| That's what I think. | ||
| So I just don't understand, like, and my understanding, what they were putting up there was specific to the Minneapolis case. | ||
| So my thing is as a human being, how could you have issue with somebody trying to put something up, you know, honoring that guy or something positive about that? | ||
| Like, that's what I was confused. | ||
| I'm not sure what she put up. | ||
| It was definitely about the George Floyd protest. | ||
| See, that's a great point. | ||
| I couldn't see what was written on the paper, and I filled that in when I watched it. | ||
| But I really couldn't get over the sound of his shoes, though. | ||
| It was really fucking funny. | ||
| I just couldn't get over it. | ||
| And when he started walking faster with the bike, it was almost like a great movie trailer for a horror film. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No? | ||
| The 60-year-old fat bike rider? | ||
| Imagine if that was your daughter. | ||
| Imagine if your daughter, you're sitting there, and that guy runs up to your daughter, and he's grabbing the paper out of her hand. | ||
| He's running at her, grabbing the paper while a woman's screaming at him to not touch her. | ||
| Don't you touch her. | ||
| Yeah, I mean. | ||
| Imagine. | ||
| Yeah, I mean there's only one response as a father. | ||
| Yeah, murder. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't like murder. | ||
| No? | ||
| What do you like? | ||
| Mame. | ||
| I want him to remember that he did it. | ||
| That's interesting. | ||
| That's another level. | ||
| Start with the blown out ACL, and you go from there. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Beat him with his stupid shoe. | ||
| Why do people wear... | ||
| I actually had to look up why people wore those shoes. | ||
| They clip in. | ||
| I know they do, but I'm like, what is the advantage of that? | ||
| Is there an advantage? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's hard. | |
| Yeah, I think it's when you're coming up this way. | ||
| Oh, you don't... | ||
| You can still pull with your legs, so you're getting more of an efficient motion. | ||
| Oh, that makes sense. | ||
| This guy's really into... | ||
| Biking. | ||
| Biking and not putting paper on trees. | ||
| Don't put their dead relatives in their faces. | ||
| Just a man that would run up to a little girl like that and grab her. | ||
| Grab paper out of her hand. | ||
| There he is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Click, click, click, click. | |
| That's before he grabs her, Jamie. | ||
| Yeah, back it up from the beginning. | ||
| Now, as far as you, with your martial art background, you've got to be impressed with the way he's using his bike there. | ||
| No. | ||
| He's sort of like trying to be a little herd. | ||
| Bicyclists in Maryland. | ||
| What does it say? | ||
| Rewind it? | ||
| See, right there. | ||
| That's where... | ||
| A bison was caught on video earlier attacking teenagers who were posting flyers. | ||
| Is that a teenager? | ||
| It's a little girl. | ||
| Is that really a teenager? | ||
|
unidentified
|
She might be 13. He just runs up to her. | |
| He's yelling at her. | ||
| I mean, look. | ||
| He's towering. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Look at her, though. | ||
| Good for her. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| See, I don't know if that's a woman or her friend, but that girl's got balls or ovaries. | ||
| I like the little skip step, too, like a cornerback. | ||
| Well, he's running at the guy with the camera and knocks him over. | ||
| The man achieves his goal, okay? | ||
| As much as you don't approve of what he's doing. | ||
| He achieves his goal? | ||
| No, she's still got the paper in her hand. | ||
| I know, I'm joking. | ||
| He grabbed her arm. | ||
| Whatever happened to that guy? | ||
| I don't know, but they're promoting my movie right there. | ||
| Look at that! | ||
| King of Staten Island. | ||
| What are the odds? | ||
| On demand, everywhere, Friday. | ||
| You know, I would be in the news with a big ol' fuckin' orange jumpsuit on if that was happening to my daughter. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| That'd be a real problem. | ||
| If I caught someone doing that to anybody... | ||
| Dude, you would be like a fucking badger on that fucking... | ||
| Your biggest problem would be, what do I use? | ||
| I almost think for half a second, like, you would be... | ||
| Elbow, what do I do? | ||
| Choke him, what do I fucking... | ||
| Dude, that spinning heel kick I saw you do, if you ever hit me with that, I have to learn how to talk again. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah... | |
| Yeah, Joe, it didn't happen to your daughter, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know, I know. | |
| You just went to a dark fucking place there. | ||
| I go there all the time, Bill. | ||
| It's a real problem with me. | ||
| I know, I do too. | ||
| I go there all the time. | ||
| I do think, talking about Elise's protest, I think something really positive is going to come out of this because of the fact that so many white people are also getting involved in it and so many cops were vocal saying that they shouldn't do that. | ||
| So I think something good is going to come out of this. | ||
| I couldn't agree more. | ||
| I really do. | ||
| I do, and I hope so too because it's... | ||
| It's been wrong for way too long, and I also hope that a bunch of other groups don't use this as a piggyback thing To then do some other shit, which will then... | ||
| Escalate. | ||
| Will make people who want things to stay the same, they'll be able to shift focus of like, you know, like how they try to make like the protesters and the rioters, like the looters, the same people. | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| Where it's just, yeah, there's only, yeah, you did that and then at night you did this. | ||
| No. | ||
| Yeah, the way that, so, I don't know. | ||
| They're gonna do it anyways. | ||
| I think there's, once the looting died down, you're seeing peaceful protests that are very encouraging. | ||
| I think it's great. | ||
| I really do. | ||
| I mean that downtown LA one was amazing. | ||
| 50,000 fucking people filled the streets. | ||
| And no crime, or very little, nothing I heard of. | ||
| It was just mostly people chanting and holding signs. | ||
| It looked promising. | ||
| The thing that disturbs me is this idea that they should defund the police. | ||
| You can't get rid of the police. | ||
| What you need to do is spend more money and train them better and have higher standards. | ||
| And do it the way you do the military, where it's very difficult to get in, and you weed people out that are weak. | ||
| Like, that guy was a pussy. | ||
| That guy leaning on that guy's neck like that, that guy's a monster. | ||
| There's no way that guy should have ever been a cop. | ||
| Yeah, because he knew he was being filmed, too, and he just had no... | ||
| Yeah, I mean, that's like hands in his pockets like he was just fucking, you know, waiting for an Uber or something like that. | ||
| He's a monster. | ||
| He's a monster. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And that guy had been doing that forever. | ||
| You know, there's new evidence that they worked together and they fought. | ||
| They argued about the way that cop was treating the customers. | ||
| They worked together at security at the same club. | ||
| And that cop was a fucking asshole to people at the club. | ||
| And they argued about it. | ||
| So they had a personal issue. | ||
| And there's some people that wanted to be elevated to first-degree murder because of that. | ||
| That he did it on purpose. | ||
| Oh, he knew? | ||
| He knew that guy. | ||
| Oh, man. | ||
| I mean, it's just... | ||
| Yeah, they argued when they worked together, apparently. | ||
| One of the guys that worked with them said that George Floyd was always telling that guy he's a fucking asshole the way he treats customers. | ||
| Because he would mace people and shit, that kind of stuff. | ||
| Pepper spray folks. | ||
| He just was the first guy to use violence right away. | ||
| Escalate the situation. | ||
| He had a history of complaints back to 2006. My friend Joe Schilling, the kickboxer, I'm talking about him again, but his fucking page is the most disturbing page right now because all he's done over the last five, six days is post videos of police brutality. | ||
| And it's police brutality on black women, white women, white old men, black old men, young guys. | ||
| It's just police brutality over and over and over and over again. | ||
| There's a problem of racism in this country for sure. | ||
| There's also a real problem with people that have the kind of power the cops have that are weak people, that are sociopaths. | ||
| And that's as much of a problem as any of this. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You tack the racism onto it and you got a horrible situation, but those people are psychopaths. | ||
| They're monsters. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That guy who did that is a fucking monster. | |
| I remember talking to a security guy and he said the best guys are the guys that de-escalated. | ||
| This guy used to put together crews of guys to rock concerts and stuff. | ||
| And he said you didn't want to get guys that wanted to fight. | ||
| You didn't want to have those guys because those guys would be a fucking headache and every night there was going to be something and there was going to be lawsuits. | ||
| What he was saying you ultimately wanted was nothing to happen. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So I remember, because I was joking with him, I remember a long time ago, the Grill 93, this old Dick Doherty room. | ||
| I remember that joint. | ||
| So two guys were about ready to go at it in the club and the bouncer gets him outside Okay, and this guy's trying to say his point of view, and he put his hand on his shoulder. | ||
| He goes, no, all I was trying to do, he barely went like that on his shirt. | ||
| And he goes, okay, first of all, don't touch me. | ||
| That's what the bouncer said. | ||
| And just immediately, it was here, and then it went to here, and then those two guys started yelling at each other, and then within, I don't know what the fuck, he just twisted the guy up and took him out. | ||
| And I forget who the fuck I was with. | ||
| We were fucking dying laughing. | ||
| It just became a catchphrase between us. | ||
| He would come up, hey Bill, you working this weekend? | ||
| Okay, first of all, don't touch me. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You immediately just escalate it. | |
| Where it just becomes a what the fuck? | ||
| And then, first of all, don't touch me. | ||
| From 90% of guys is immediately going to put you in your ego. | ||
| Where it's like, oh fuck, now he's on top of me and I'm the bitch. | ||
| I gotta at least get at his eyebrow level. | ||
| I have to come back with something else. | ||
| It was inevitable. | ||
| The second he said that, first of all, don't touch me, I did like the three slide steps down. | ||
| Because I learned that young, watching fights. | ||
| You know, you don't want to have a really good seat. | ||
| Because it's like a tornado. | ||
| You don't know where it's gonna go. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And you think you're like 20 feet away? | |
| That meant me at a Bruins game. | ||
| The old Boston Garden. | ||
| And it was like one of those, you know, just everybody smoking. | ||
| You probably couldn't smoke in the garden at that point. | ||
| I just remember like smoky bars and shit. | ||
| So we went in there and everybody was hammered. | ||
| I was hammered, drinking like fucking Heffernreffers. | ||
| Remember the Green Death, right? | ||
| Like, dude, this is like 6% alcohol. | ||
| So, um... | ||
| One of those two rows of fans fighting, which is always great, because the people that are a row up are just throwing down. | ||
| These guys are getting fucking pounding. | ||
| There's always a loafer laying there, right? | ||
| Mike Milbury picking it up. | ||
| So I remember the cops ran up there, and I ran up too to watch the fight, and they started grabbing guys and coming down the stairs. | ||
| And it was the Boston Guard, and there was nowhere to go. | ||
| And I just remember this big cop Bounding down the stairs. | ||
| He literally had a handful of this guy's neck. | ||
| It was like his whole neck and his jugular. | ||
| And this guy was two colors. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I just remember he was going, try to push me down the stairs, try to push me down the stairs. | |
| And he came down like, and I was trying to get out of the way. | ||
| And I think the guy who he had grabbed, like his knee fucking hit me in the back. | ||
| You know, I just got caught by the debris of this guy running by. | ||
| And that's when I kind of learned like... | ||
| You know, how to watch a fight, which you watch a fight and you're looking at your exits, because like I said, it's like you don't know where it's going to fucking go. | ||
| And I learned that lesson. | ||
| So when I saw that guy say that, first of all, don't touch me. | ||
| I was just like, okay, sliding over here. | ||
| Let some other people settle in in front of me. | ||
| I like doing that. | ||
| Yeah, that's the same as if, yeah, you want to be above, slightly above, looking down at all the altercations. | ||
| You got a better viewpoint there, anyway. | ||
| Yeah, I suck at it, dude. | ||
| I stopped fighting in, like, junior high. | ||
| That was it. | ||
| I just knew. | ||
| I mean, I just knew. | ||
| I was like, this is not my thing. | ||
| I can't slip a punch. | ||
| I am slow as shit. | ||
| I got a big head. | ||
| I got a huge target. | ||
| This is not going to go three rounds. | ||
| It's just not. | ||
| I fought up until around sixth grade. | ||
| I think I probably had my last one. | ||
| And then all of a sudden, kids started to get 120, 130, 140 pounds, and they started being blood and fucking people missing a couple days of school after a beatdown. | ||
| I was just like, you know what? | ||
| Okay. | ||
| I think I'll be the funny guy. | ||
| It's weird how things go sideways like that when there's a feeling in the air. | ||
| Whenever chaos breaks out like that and there's a real melee, there's a feeling in the air. | ||
| It's like you feel it. | ||
| It's like, oh, this is nuts. | ||
| This is really dangerous. | ||
| There's a mob mentality feeling that you get that's real weird when things go crazy. | ||
| I remember it took me having to leave Boston for about seven years. | ||
| I was gone for seven years before I finally walked into a bar and just felt the normal energy. | ||
| I think the city's changed a lot, but sort of that tail end of the craziness. | ||
| I walked into a bar and you could just feel it. | ||
| It's like somebody's going to get suckered. | ||
| Not now. | ||
| It's about 90 minutes away. | ||
| You could just feel the level of drunkness. | ||
| The energy... | ||
| Well, guys would go out looking for fights. | ||
| Some guys would go out looking for fights. | ||
| Yeah, I knew guys like that. | ||
| There's a guy I used to train with, Mike Blythe. | ||
| He used to work at the Ratskeller. | ||
| He was a bouncer. | ||
| He would go... | ||
| He would wrap his hands. | ||
| He would wrap his hands on his way to work. | ||
| I knew a guy. | ||
| I knew a guy. | ||
| Tape his wrists and shit. | ||
| I knew a guy who was a bouncer, and he used to bring a mouthpiece to work, but he used to carry it all the time. | ||
| And I remember when he would get in a fight, he would fucking... | ||
| It was something where he would... | ||
| It was a mouth guy, he would bite down. | ||
| It wasn't like what you guys wear. | ||
| But it would totally psych the other guy out. | ||
| Like he would come out and he would just put this thing in and the guy would be like, this guy brought equipment? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like what the fuck is going on here? | |
| And I remember one time he got suckered. | ||
| He knew it was going to be a fight and for some dumb reason he sat down on the stairs and the guy was standing above him. | ||
| And one of his friends jumped down and just punched him and I saw the mouthpiece. | ||
| It was like fucking Buster Douglas Tyson. | ||
| I saw his mouthpiece fly towards us and then just... | ||
| I shouldn't tell these stories. | ||
| Why? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It's my version of... | ||
| It was a long, long... | ||
| You're not naming names. | ||
| It was like 30 years ago and what happened was we were in an off-campus apartment. | ||
| And I can't believe I'm gonna tell this story. | ||
| I'm gonna tell the quick version. | ||
| Tell the whole version. | ||
| No. | ||
| Two of my buddies left to go upstairs. | ||
| It was one of those, you know, those old fucking Boston... | ||
| It looked almost like a three-family house, but it wasn't. | ||
| It was one of those big ones that has all apartments in it, right? | ||
| So they left the party we were on on the first floor, and then they went upstairs. | ||
| And like 20 minutes, they came back. | ||
| One of my buddy's shoulders was separated. | ||
| The other guy's fat lipping. | ||
| He had a flat top, too. | ||
| I remember we had this big fucking gash coming right down here and blood coming down his face. | ||
| And we were like, what the fuck happened? | ||
| What the fuck happened? | ||
| He was like, we just asked this guy for a drink and the whole party started beating on us. | ||
| So this whole mob goes up the stairs to go fight the party, right? | ||
| And I'm going upstairs like, what the fuck am I doing with my big fucking head? | ||
| I'm going to get knocked out here. | ||
| But I have to go because they're my friends. | ||
| So we fucking go up there. | ||
| And we hear the party. | ||
| So, my buddy, the mouthpiece guy, like the most innocent Voight Ever, knocks on the door, he goes, hey! | ||
| He's like, is there a party going on in there? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right? | |
| And the fucking door opens up, and it was like a fucking Wild West movie. | ||
| Like a saloon fight. | ||
| Just fucking haymakers. | ||
| I remember, I didn't even want to go in. | ||
| I was so scared, because I was like, oh my god, this is going to be fucking nuts. | ||
| And just the mob just sent me in. | ||
| And it was just like, everybody's just throwing. | ||
| I remember this dude jumping over my back, punching me in the face, right? | ||
| Boom! | ||
| And the smoke fucking clears, and it all settles. | ||
| You know, it was all like fucking 15-second melee, and it all fucking settles. | ||
| And we look at the party, and there's like six or seven guys, six or seven girls, and there's like a board game that's tipped over, and we had gone to the wrong party. | ||
| Swear to God, I know this sounds like a joke. | ||
| The real party where they got hit was upstairs. | ||
| I don't remember what happened, but they were actually rich kids and they sued my friends for going in whatever the dumb shit they did. | ||
| We all went in to the wrong party. | ||
| And they were in there having like a couples thing and they were playing like fucking Monopoly or something and all of a sudden there was a knock on the door. | ||
| Hey, is there a party? | ||
| And then everybody just came fucking running in. | ||
| Can you imagine them? | ||
| That's what I'm saying. | ||
| That's why I didn't want to tell it, because I felt really bad. | ||
| When I was in high school, the first real brawl that I ever saw was when I was like 17. I think I was a senior in high school. | ||
| And there was a rich kid that moved into the neighborhood and he wanted to make friends. | ||
| So he put on this crazy party. | ||
| He just invited everybody. | ||
| So kids from all kinds of different high schools. | ||
| We're coming. | ||
| Newton North, Newton South, a bunch of kids from all sorts of other places. | ||
| And I happened to be at the right place at the right time when I saw it pop off. | ||
| People were already robbing this guy. | ||
| I saw people taking stuff out of bedrooms and running down the stairs with it. | ||
| It was real sketchy because there was way too many people for this guy's party. | ||
| But then this girl, I still to this day don't remember what she did. | ||
| She either slapped this guy in the face or she threw a drink in his face. | ||
| I don't remember. | ||
| I think she slapped him. | ||
| But what I remember is he uncorked a perfect right hand on her. | ||
| He knew how to punch. | ||
| Like I remember thinking, wow, this guy's trained. | ||
| Because he snapped it. | ||
| Joe, always the commentator. | ||
| Listen, I've been doing it for a long time. | ||
| But whatever she did, I'm pretty sure she slapped him. | ||
| But he went like this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Blah! | |
| I mean, it was a perfect right hand. | ||
| Hit her right in the face. | ||
| Her head goes back. | ||
| This guy behind her catches her. | ||
| She's totally unconscious. | ||
| And then, blah! | ||
|
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|
Chaos! | |
| Chairs flying! | ||
| Bodies piling it up! | ||
| And I'm on the stairs. | ||
| So I'm watching this through the railings. | ||
| I see the guy punch the girl. | ||
| As I'm coming up the stairs, I see it all play out. | ||
| I'm like, holy fuck! | ||
| And I'm like, I gotta get out of here. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| And there was a pile. | ||
| I didn't hit anybody and nobody hit me. | ||
| It was like a movie. | ||
| Like, excuse me, pardon me. | ||
| Crawling out. | ||
| I fucking dodged everything. | ||
| Meanwhile, I was fighting at the time. | ||
| I was traveling to tournaments all over the country and fighting. | ||
| So my friends were looking for me. | ||
| They're like, you know, go get Joe. | ||
| And there's piles of people brawling. | ||
| And I'm just ducking the piles. | ||
| And then I ran into my friend Jimmy. | ||
| And I'm like, where is everybody? | ||
| And we gathered our friends and got in the car and drove off. | ||
| We were laughing our asses off. | ||
| But it was like when we left, the cops were just starting to arrive. | ||
| There was piles of kids beating the shit out of each other on the lawn. | ||
| Dude, I remember my friend who separated his shoulder in that fight. | ||
| We popped it back in, and he went back up, threw a punch with the same arm, and missed. | ||
| It came out again. | ||
| And I remember him flopping on the ground like a fish out of water. | ||
| And afterwards, we said to him, like, dude, why didn't you throw the other hand? | ||
| And he goes, because I wanted this hand to get its revenge. | ||
|
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|
I swear to God. | |
| Like, he had made part of his body like a karate movie. | ||
| Like, he had to avenge his shoulder's death. | ||
| Dude, that's, and I have to tell you something. | ||
| When people talk about, you know, you're a funny comedian and blah blah, the characters that I grew up with, and what I loved about what they did and what they said was they weren't trying to be funny. | ||
| Like, he was dead serious. | ||
| He wanted revenge for this horror movie. | ||
| Yeah, and then we were driving home, hammered, And we were three abreast in the pickup truck. | ||
| It was this guy's dad's truck. | ||
| And he had the flat top, so he's got dried blood on his forehead. | ||
| And we're just driving home, and nobody's saying anything. | ||
| And the dude in the middle has got these sunglasses on. | ||
| And he's just sitting there like this. | ||
| And then all of a sudden, out of nowhere, he just fucking goes like that, scared the fucking shit out of me. | ||
| And I was like, dude, what the fuck are you doing? | ||
| And he goes, ah, sorry. | ||
| He goes, I took a little acid. | ||
| He goes, I was looking at this bug. | ||
| He goes, I thought it was on the windshield. | ||
| He goes, it turned out it was on the inside of my glasses. | ||
| Now, I don't know if that was true, but dude, there's no way you could ever reenact how much he flipped it, like how much you would freak out on acid if you thought a bug was over there, but then your mind told you that it was on the inside of your fucking glasses. | ||
| And I just remember all three of us just crying, laughing, driving home, Just the whole fucking situation. | ||
| That was like every weekend of my life for like... | ||
| Probably, like, two and a half, three years. | ||
| Every single fucking weekend. | ||
| And we used to go in to this, there was this club, this bar in Chelsea. | ||
| Oh, boy. | ||
| Yeah, well, dude, I was such a babyface. | ||
| That was the only place where you could get served, right? | ||
| That's a rough place. | ||
| Yeah, it was, yeah. | ||
| And they were, like, selling fucking... | ||
| Blow out of there. | ||
| So they didn't give a fuck if you looked like you were 12 years old like I was when I'd go up to order my vodka Collins. | ||
| It was like the only drink. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How old were you? | |
| I wasn't of age. | ||
| Like 19 or 20. Probably 20. And I would go in there. | ||
| And I just remember one time standing outside that bar... | ||
| And there was this fucking dude who looked like Rob Halford from fucking Judas Priest, just fucking totally gacked out of his fucking mind, standing in front of his motorcycle. | ||
| And he was telling this story about riding his bike and his drug thing. | ||
| He got stuck. | ||
| He just kept saying, I'm going around the apex. | ||
| I'm going around the apex. | ||
| I'm going around the apex, right? | ||
| And I'm fucking hammered. | ||
| And I'm like making fun of the guy in front of him to my buddy. | ||
| I'm looking at my buddy and I'm so shit-faced. | ||
| I'm going around the apex. | ||
| I'm going around the apex and he's hitting me because the guy's staring at me. | ||
| Yeah, no. | ||
| It was a... | ||
| And I didn't understand... | ||
| Because I never did coke, so I didn't understand what was going on. | ||
| I'm gonna leave it at that. | ||
| I didn't understand what was going on. | ||
| But all I knew is I just seemed to be the guy that wanted to go home first. | ||
| I'll leave it at that. | ||
| That was a fucking dangerous place. | ||
| Boston was dangerous. | ||
| No, this is when I figured out what the fuck was going on. | ||
| It was one time I went into the bathroom by myself to take a leak, and it was one of those things, you walk in, there was a sink, there was a stand-up urinal, and then there was a stall, which just had one toilet. | ||
| And I walked in, and there was two fucking legs guys in there, and I was like, what the fuck are those guys doing? | ||
| My dick's already out and I'm taking a piss. | ||
| And the thing, because it didn't have a latch, opened up and they were doing blow. | ||
| And I was taking a piss because it was weird. | ||
| There was two guys in there and I kind of glanced over as I'm already pissing. | ||
| I look over and this guy's all fucking hammered. | ||
| I look like a little werewolf. | ||
| He's like, what the fuck are you looking at? | ||
| And I was just like, pee, pee. | ||
| Didn't wash my hands after that one. | ||
| No, there was a lot. | ||
| I don't know why. | ||
| Because a lot of easy targets really got hit, and I was beyond an easy target. | ||
| Somehow I just never... | ||
| You got lucky. | ||
| Yeah, I did. | ||
| I did, because I would have got really... | ||
| I was not as tough as my friends were. | ||
| My friends were fucking lunatics. | ||
| My grade was cool, but the grade above me and the grade below me, they were like some fucking... | ||
| They were crazy, crazy kids. | ||
| But I talked to friends that grew up in other places. | ||
| They didn't have the same amount of fight stories. | ||
| I think Boston is a particularly fighty place. | ||
|
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|
Fighty. | |
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| I don't know what... | ||
| Yeah, there was something going on. | ||
| But I think a lot of those East... | ||
| Like New York and... | ||
| Ah, fuck. | ||
| This thing's going on. | ||
| A lot of those... | ||
| I find the people in New England, Long Island, tri-state area. | ||
| It's all sort of the same. | ||
| Savages. | ||
| Savage children of immigrants. | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
| Yeah, but you go out to the Midwest and that's like German, a lot of Slavic people, Polish people. | ||
| So, I mean, that's... | ||
| I don't know what... | ||
| I think they just had more space out there, so it wasn't as intense. | ||
| You weren't so, like, packed in. | ||
| Yeah, you're in a cornfield. | ||
| There's something about Boston, though, in particular. | ||
| I think even more so than New York. | ||
| Boston was just a lot of fights, man. | ||
| My boxing coach got his finger bitten off on a fight. | ||
| He was on PCP. This guy bit his finger off. | ||
| And he had his toe removed and replaced his finger with a toe. | ||
| Did I tell you this? | ||
| No, I remember that was the move back then. | ||
| So he had it curved permanently so that he could still throw right hooks. | ||
| So when you would shake his hand, he would always give you one of these. | ||
| Yeah, I knew a guy from Boston too. | ||
| He had this weird looking nose and some guy... | ||
| It bit it off and had it reattached. | ||
| Guys lost ears. | ||
| Dude, that's why I'm saying why, you know, right around sixth grade, I was just like, yeah, this is like becoming blood sport. | ||
| Like, I think I'm going to try to be funny here. | ||
| But yeah, there was a lot of, you know, the sports scene back in Boston is just... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well, hockey. | |
| It was insane. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well, hockey, though. | |
| Because hockey was big in Boston, and hockey is the only sport that involves actual fights. | ||
| It's the only sport where fighting is a part of the sport. | ||
| I'm reading this book right now. | ||
| I'm reading, like, I got three sports books I'm reading right now, right? | ||
| I read a few in the lines, and then I read a couple chapters over here, and I'm reading this one called, Bartnick gave it to me, called The Code. | ||
| And it breaks down. | ||
| For anybody who never understood why there was fighting, which I never quite understood either. | ||
| I just knew I liked it. | ||
| Um... | ||
| And how the players have to police the game. | ||
| I'm not far enough into the book, but it's really eye-opening. | ||
| Like, what goes on out there? | ||
| And they have all these enforcers talking about it. | ||
| Like, sometimes you had to fight. | ||
| Sometimes guys would just skate out. | ||
| They'd put them out. | ||
| Just the guy being out on the ice. | ||
| Sometimes he'd say something like, Hey, we don't settle it down out here, boys. | ||
| Somebody's gonna get hurt. | ||
| A guy would just say that. | ||
| And then people are like, Alright. | ||
| Okay. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Alright. | |
| Let's fucking... | ||
| Sticks back down. | ||
| Everybody play old-time hockey. | ||
| Whatever the fuck he was supposed to do. | ||
| All-star hockey. | ||
| And... | ||
| Just as far... | ||
| And then as far as like... | ||
| How there's this whole code of, and there's all these, there's like, you know, the heavyweights, like a heavyweight only fucks with a heavyweight unless some middleweight is doing some shit and you gave him a warning and he didn't, then he has to take a fucking beating. | ||
| And if he doesn't take the beating and turtles up, that means one of his fucking teammates is going to get the beating and then he's going to be a fucking asshole in the locker room. | ||
| I mean, it is this whole web of, Of fascinating shit. | ||
| Because everybody just looks at the sport and they just think, oh, drop gloves, fucking beat the shit up. | ||
| There's a whole fucking thing that is going on out there that actually, because of that, keeps the game safer. | ||
| Which I don't understand. | ||
| I don't understand. | ||
| I don't understand it either, but I just think it's fascinating that there's this one sport where it's okay to fight. | ||
| What are you talking about? | ||
| The sport you do. | ||
| That's all they do is fight. | ||
| But that's the whole sport. | ||
| That's the sport itself. | ||
| But there's no fighting in basketball. | ||
| There's agreed upon fighting in hockey that doesn't exist in any other sport. | ||
| Where everybody backs off and these guys go at it. | ||
| No, lacrosse. | ||
| You can do it in lacrosse. | ||
| Who the fuck plays professional lacrosse? | ||
| I don't know, but I wouldn't want to say that. | ||
| I wouldn't want to say that to one of them. | ||
| This full fucking cage. | ||
| I wouldn't say that. | ||
| Those guys are savages for no reason. | ||
| What about the cross-country skiers and all of a sudden they got a rifle and they're doing like they're in a gun range. | ||
| That's different. | ||
| That's that stupid fucking... | ||
| What is that? | ||
| That's not the decathlon. | ||
| You know what that's like? | ||
| That's like Tex-Mex food. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Asian infused fucking Americana. | ||
| That's all it is. | ||
| It's just people... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Tex-Mex. | |
| People are, you know, doing their version of cross-country skiing. | ||
| Like that's like... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I like that cross-country skiing where you then shoot. | ||
| That's like the beginning of a lot of James Bond things. | ||
| They always seem to be in the snow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, the whole idea is the elevated heart rate. | ||
| It's hard to control your shot. | ||
| Because I think they're supposed to shoot off-handed, too. | ||
| You know, they're not supposed to have a rest. | ||
| I know. | ||
| See, I don't know shit about hunting, and that's the thing that I lived for on the hunting shows. | ||
| What? | ||
| Was when the guys, after the kill, and then they'd just be like, oh man, I was so scared. | ||
| I was just saying all this fucking shit. | ||
| I get it if you're shooting like a lion. | ||
| It's a nerve-wracking thing because you don't want to fuck up. | ||
| Because people are going to make fun of you? | ||
| No, because you're going to hurt an animal. | ||
| You don't want to wound the animal. | ||
| You want to kill it. | ||
| You want to kill it cleanly. | ||
| And you have to keep it together while you're pulling the trigger on an animal. | ||
| You're going to end its life. | ||
| It's very nerve-wracking. | ||
| Can't you just give them the second one? | ||
| Second bullet? | ||
| Oh, you're saying if he rends away and then he thinks suffers. | ||
| If you nick it, you know, you shoot it in the leg or something like that, it's very likely it's going to get away and die slowly and get eaten by coyotes or something. | ||
| It's really bad. | ||
| Dude, I got one for you. | ||
| Because you got me watching those fucking videos. | ||
| Which ones? | ||
| First of all, I love bears, but I can't watch them kill anything, because they don't... | ||
| Did you see the recent one? | ||
| The bear took down the buffalo at Yellowstone? | ||
| They don't kill it. | ||
| Why won't they kill it? | ||
| Oh, he killed it. | ||
| Well, they kill it because they start eating it before it's dead. | ||
| They just hold it down. | ||
| And start eating. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's what bears do. | ||
| I got one for you. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Have you watched the praying mantises videos? | ||
| Oh, yes, I have. | ||
| Did you see the one where the praying mantis eats the lizard and tries to eat him? | ||
| Well, because he fucking alligator armed it. | ||
| He was like, I'm gonna kill you. | ||
| He kind of did the little flicky, he gave him a little jab, and then that thing just grabbed him. | ||
| He was like, ah, what the fuck? | ||
| Yeah, he like licked at him. | ||
| Then started eating his jaw. | ||
| But if he let his hands go, as you guys say, with his tongue, I think he could have pulled that thing in and crushed him. | ||
| No. | ||
| No. | ||
| A praying mantis is so fucking strong. | ||
| They're so much stronger than you would imagine them being because they have these little stick arms. | ||
| Yeah, I watched one eat a hummingbird. | ||
| Oh yeah, yeah. | ||
| They eat all kinds of shit. | ||
| They eat everything that they get a hold of. | ||
| We're lucky they're little. | ||
| Praying mantises are amazing. | ||
| I fucking love those little things. | ||
| They're crazy. | ||
| What they can do to a bird or something much larger than them... | ||
| The lizard was the most impressive because the lizard thought it was going to eat him. | ||
| And that thing was totally immobilized. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It was like... | ||
| It reminded me of watching the shit that you say, where he's passed his guard, now he's going for this. | ||
| That thing was just like, oh! | ||
| It's exactly like that. | ||
| Because their clamp is so... | ||
| It's like if somebody got you in a dars. | ||
| It's the same thing. | ||
| Someone gets this grip and then cinches it up to a dars choke. | ||
| You're trapped in there. | ||
| That's what it was like. | ||
| There it is. | ||
| There's this poor fuck. | ||
| Look, he thinks he's going to get him. | ||
| And he's like, bitch, you ain't getting nothing. | ||
| But look how he holds his mouth open. | ||
| And then he's like, oh dude, I feel so... | ||
|
unidentified
|
The strength! | |
| But this lizard, he gets away. | ||
| He gets away for a second. | ||
| But this is what's crazy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
For a second? | |
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Look at... | ||
| He starts eating his mouth. | ||
| He just starts slowly pulling them apart. | ||
| I know what he's doing, Joe. | ||
| I know what he's doing. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| Have you ever seen Praying Mantis versus a murder hornet? | ||
| You know, everybody's afraid of murder hornets. | ||
| Look at him. | ||
| He's like, fuck, what did you do to my face? | ||
| Oh, Jesus. | ||
| He's like in pain. | ||
| He's shaking it off. | ||
| And the Praying Mantis is like, bitch, I'm not done with you yet. | ||
| Like, he's in agony and he's spazzing around. | ||
| And the Praying Mantis just locks onto him again and slowly starts pulling him apart. | ||
| And at the end, he's dead. | ||
| He just starts eating his brain. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| They just can pull that skin apart and bite right through it. | ||
| But a thing's so much bigger than him. | ||
| That's like you eating a cow. | ||
| That's like you holding a cow down. | ||
| I wouldn't do that to him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look at that. | |
| He's eating his fucking brain. | ||
| Lizard's dead as fuck. | ||
| Well, that part's not a problem for me right here, because now it's dead. | ||
| Yeah, but it died this way. | ||
| I know it did. | ||
| That was the part I wanted to avoid. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| I'm a big fan of the praying mantis. | ||
| I like their technique. | ||
| I'm not going to begrudge what they do. | ||
| I don't need to see. | ||
| Pull the video of the grizzly taking down the buffalo. | ||
| It was only two days ago. | ||
| It was in Yellowstone. | ||
| It linked me to a 30-minute video of it just fucking up all sorts of animal art. | ||
| Prank mantis? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Oh, put that on. | ||
| Oh, by the way, there's so many fucking people. | ||
| Here it goes. | ||
| What's he fucking up this one? | ||
|
unidentified
|
All kinds of things. | |
| Leaf bugs. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| It's a leaf bug, I think. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| What a weird-looking creature. | ||
| Oh, the prank mantis is pink. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's camouflaged himself. | |
| Oh wow, now he's the color of the leaf bug. | ||
| Yeah, this is a good 10 million views on this praying mantis video. | ||
| They're amazing animals, man. | ||
| What were you gonna say? | ||
| What were you mad about? | ||
| I wasn't mad about anything. | ||
| I was just like... | ||
| You know... | ||
| I love bears, right? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| I love when they ride the bikes at the fucking circus. | ||
| I love bears. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I love when they ride the bike at the circus. | |
| This is my thing about that. | ||
| What did they have to do to that bear? | ||
| When you see what this thing can do to a bison, what did they do to that bear to get him to get on a fucking bicycle? | ||
| Give him food. | ||
| That's how they train them. | ||
| Is that how you did it? | ||
| I've never done it before. | ||
| You got a bear in the back? | ||
| Just the confidence, the way you said that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Because I've seen them train them. | |
| I've seen them train bears. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Are you one of those guys who doesn't need any sleep? | ||
| Like, of all the random fucking things. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I've seen it. | |
| This is the one where the bear freaks out. | ||
| Oh, with the whip? | ||
| That little whip there? | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's just on a bike. | |
| I don't think he freaks out. | ||
| I don't think he's beating the bear. | ||
| I'll tell you right now, that guy's not dressed to be attacked by a bear. | ||
| No. | ||
| Well, the bear's got a muzzle on, and it's a little-ass bear. | ||
| Dude, fuck you, man. | ||
| Fuck you? | ||
| They got the Freddy Krueger claws. | ||
| He got four of them. | ||
| He's on a Vespa now. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| I mean, can you humiliate a bear even more? | ||
| He's got to wear that frilly outfit. | ||
| Didn't give him a motorcycle. | ||
| You're the one who's a big fan of the bears riding bikes. | ||
| I was joking. | ||
| Me too. | ||
| I was joking. | ||
| I didn't know. | ||
| Maybe the bear should have a mask on. | ||
| I actually watched a whole training video of how, like, where do you find, what part of the internet are you on? | ||
| Well, I don't know. | ||
| I was trying to figure out why people are like, what the fuck? | ||
| That guy's got a giant grizzly bear on the back of his bike. | ||
| And playing a horn. | ||
| And it's playing a trumpet. | ||
| Does he got any volume on this trumpet? | ||
| Let me hear this. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Bag it up there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hello. | |
| That says the bus. | ||
| This person that's filming this is an idiot. | ||
| You think it can't break out of that seatbelt and just... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Did you see the bear flipping them off? | |
| That thing has on a fucking lap belt! | ||
| Yeah, what is the bear doing? | ||
| He's just... | ||
| Imagine? | ||
| This has got to be Russia, right? | ||
| I mean, the only way they would allow this is in Russia. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, look at the language in the back of that truck. | ||
| He's yelling at the fucking traffic. | ||
| Jesus Christ, let's fucking go! | ||
| Size of that fucking thing. | ||
| My God. | ||
| Just throwing his arms up, just thinking about ripping a person apart. | ||
| No, he isn't. | ||
| Yeah, he's thinking like, I used to be in the woods. | ||
| I could fucking eat whatever I wanted. | ||
| The weird thing about bears is if you train them when they're young, they're almost like dogs. | ||
| They become your buddy. | ||
| It's weird, those people that have them. | ||
| The day somebody tells that bear that it's riding, bitch, that guy fucking, that guy riding the motorcycle is gonna be in trouble. | ||
| He's riding on the side cart. | ||
| Yeah, he's gonna be in trouble. | ||
| Remember those side carts? | ||
| Whatever happened to those? | ||
| You never see those, a motorcycle with a side cart. | ||
| You ever see the racing? | ||
| No, they do sidecar racing. | ||
| Sidecar racing, and when they go around a turn, okay, and it's on the side where the guy's riding. | ||
| The side is lifted up. | ||
| That guy, he has to stand up. | ||
| Dude, they're going like, I don't know how many fucking miles an hour. | ||
| He has to stand up and lean over, all the way over on this side of the bike because of the weight of the sidecar plus his weight. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So it doesn't fall off. | |
| So it doesn't, yeah, and they can go through the turn at a higher speed. | ||
| I mean... | ||
| It's bad enough when you're the guy in the car with the map. | ||
| You ever seen those when they have two drivers? | ||
| Yeah, the one guy's yelling, turn and 100 yards, left, right, left. | ||
| Yeah, those are those rally drivers, right? | ||
| I never understood that. | ||
| Do you know what they're doing? | ||
| They're yelling out directions of the road, right? | ||
| But they have notebooks that tells them, like, what's the next turn, next turn right, next turn left. | ||
| I would guess that the course is so long that they can't memorize it. | ||
| Or maybe it's just through a fucking town. | ||
| Yeah, it must be. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| This is a sidecar racing? | ||
| He's on the back of the driver, I believe. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Can you see how he moves over there? | |
| Boy, they're going fast as fuck. | ||
| They're going really fast. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| You're the one who turned me on to those bike races in the Isle of Man. | ||
| I was supposed to go to that this year. | ||
| Oh! | ||
| You would be on the side? | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| No, no, no fucking way. | ||
| No, I planned to befriend some people in town with a balcony. | ||
| Even then, like, God knows some part of the bike could come flying up. | ||
| I want to go to that before they outlaw it. | ||
| Do you think they get outlawed? | ||
| Just because people die every year? | ||
| More people have died than years they've had it. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| And it's still like... | ||
| Look at these motherfuckers. | ||
| They are flying. | ||
| This is insane. | ||
| So more than one person dies every year. | ||
| That's what that would mean, right? | ||
| Basically average. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I think way back in the day, way more people died. | ||
| Like the safety... | ||
| Equipment is much better, but as you see, they're going by brick walls and trees, and there's just no... | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| When you say safety equipment, what the fuck kind of safety equipment's going to save you here? | ||
| Yeah, well, they have an airbag, which is a really amazing piece of technology, where it can tell when you've let go of the bike and you're falling instantaneously, and it protects your... | ||
| Organs? | ||
| Yeah, but obviously your brain's in the fluid, so it doesn't protect that. | ||
| I tell you, but the best racing out there, MotoGP, is the shit. | ||
| It's better than this? | ||
| Well, I don't know. | ||
| Yeah, I would actually say, because I like the passing. | ||
| There's so much passing. | ||
| Kind of like with Formula One, where the Mercedes and Ferrari are just so much better than everybody else. | ||
| It kind of comes down to the two of them. | ||
| And every year, since I've been watching since 2015, so I'm new to the sport. | ||
| Italian GP right here. | ||
| Yes, that's DiVizioso, Marc Marquez, I believe. | ||
| You know these guys? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| So Marc Marquez, the guy in second place, he's the Jordan of the sports right. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Davizioso is actually in third. | ||
| I don't know who's in first. | ||
| So that's a Ducati, a Honda Ducati, and I think a Suzuki. | ||
| Do you ride? | ||
| I did for three months out here. | ||
| I always wanted to ride. | ||
| My parents would never let me. | ||
| So finally out here, I took a motorcycle safety course. | ||
| I got my license and everything. | ||
| And then I had a bike for like two months. | ||
| And it was just... | ||
| LA is not the place to learn how to ride. | ||
| And everyone was texting while driving. | ||
| You want to go to Wyoming? | ||
| I think I want to get a dirt bike. | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| But this is the type of shit, like with this racing, what I like is, like three or four races last year on the final lap, there was like two guys that would pass each other like four or five times. | ||
| Like that shit right there. | ||
| So then you try to come on the brakes, the latest on the brakes, but not overshoot the turn. | ||
| I mean, there's just so much shit that's... | ||
| You sort of learn as you're watching. | ||
| I still don't know shit about it, but these guys are fucking incredible. | ||
| Would you be into going to a track? | ||
| Learning how to ride on a track? | ||
| That seems like the safest way to do it. | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| That is the way to do it. | ||
| And then wear all of that gear and then have fun and you can open up. | ||
| Dean sent me a video today of this guy on a Porsche that could go 200 miles an hour. | ||
| But he fucking does it on a highway, and it's just like, you're going to kill somebody or kill yourself. | ||
| It's like, take that thing to the track. | ||
| Yeah, don't do that. | ||
| And God forbid you hit some debris. | ||
| What's going to happen to your car? | ||
| I think there's a lot of people that buy high-performance shit that go into a track either that is not available, it doesn't enter their mind. | ||
| Somebody like myself, it wasn't until I started watching racing... | ||
| I kind of learned a little bit about it. | ||
| I'm like, oh, there's like a track, you know, out in the Inland Empire. | ||
| You know, there's a day where the general public can come down or whatever. | ||
| You can pay to rent the track. | ||
| And it's kind of like, you know, a lot of these guys you see driving around in Ferraris. | ||
| The only time I ever drove a Ferrari was I drove one on the track. | ||
| It was fucking unbelievable. | ||
| Like, how hard you could stomp on the brakes without the thing locking up. | ||
| And... | ||
| You're trying to impress the guy you're riding with, and you think you just want to be like flooring it and blah, blah, blah. | ||
| And what you really want to be doing is smoothly going around. | ||
| The smoother you go, both on the gas and braking, then it becomes like this really... | ||
| Like, finesse thing where it looks like you just grab it by the fucking throat and, you know, like I said, I only did it one time, but, like, I immediately learned that, like, made me appreciate what they were doing a lot more. | ||
| Plus, I only went around five times and my fucking brain was like... | ||
| The G-force and all that. | ||
| Yeah! | ||
| Like, I almost felt a little bit, uh... | ||
| I'm not sick. | ||
| I just felt a little fucked up. | ||
| Like, I'm gonna sit down here for a couple of seconds, not say it to any of the guys I'm driving with. | ||
| Hey, fine, fine. | ||
| I could do that all day. | ||
| Jimmy, pull up Porsche Rally Driving. | ||
| The dirt road Porsche drivers. | ||
| Those are the guys that are reading left, right, left, right. | ||
| They have a notebook. | ||
| You need a driver next to you that's got a notebook. | ||
| That looks like a lot of fun. | ||
| Apparently, that's a great way to learn how to really drive, too, is on the dirt. | ||
| Same with dirt bikes, because, you know, you slide a lot. | ||
| So you learn how to counter-steer, and you learn how to handle the weight out back. | ||
| Like, as it's kicking out, you learn how to counter it. | ||
| I have this weird thing where I am fascinated by machines, and everything that I see, I want to learn how to drive it or fly it or whatever. | ||
| But I'm not a speed guy. | ||
| Like, I'm just not into, like... | ||
| Because you're smart. | ||
| Going fast as... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's dangerous. | |
| I like chilling. | ||
| Yeah, these guys. | ||
| See, there's the guy with the book. | ||
| This is a regular rope. | ||
| Look how fucking... | ||
| So it's got a digital thing telling him what gear he's in. | ||
| And here's what fascinates me is the trust between those two guys. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Look how fucking fast he is. | ||
| This guy is driving like a fucking lunatic, and this guy is looking down at his paper. | ||
| You know when your friend starts driving like a lunatic, you're looking at him going, dude, dude, slow down, slow down! | ||
| This is a road. | ||
| People and trees and cars and houses on both sides. | ||
| This guy's flying down this fucking road. | ||
| And he's going sideways all the time. | ||
| You see him counter-steering all the time. | ||
| We see his ass end kick out. | ||
| Like, all the time. | ||
| Yeah, it's amazing. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| And how about these fucking people that are so confident they can stand on the side of the road while these maniacs are fucking... | ||
| I used to think racing was just this stupid, mindless thing, and now I think it's one of the coolest sports out there. | ||
| Oh, it's a very cool sport. | ||
| I like driving cars just to feel the mechanical, just the gears moving and all the things that are happening. | ||
| I have an old Porsche, a 93, that's no power steering. | ||
| It doesn't have a radio. | ||
| It doesn't have anything. | ||
| That's awesome. | ||
| And it's all air-cooled, so it sounds like... | ||
| It's really mechanical. | ||
| Have you ever seen it? | ||
| I'll show it to you after we're done. | ||
| Is that that red one? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| I wish I had the key with me here. | ||
| I'd let you drive it. | ||
| It's fun, but it's not fast. | ||
| It's the slowest car I have, but it's fun. | ||
| It's so fun to drive. | ||
| You feel everything. | ||
| You feel every bump. | ||
| There's nothing between you and the wheels in terms of steering. | ||
| There's no power. | ||
| You're steering the wheel all by your hand. | ||
| It's really hard to steer. | ||
| It's not that safe, either. | ||
| You can't make quick turns. | ||
| You've got to really muscle that motherfucker. | ||
| Look at these guys! | ||
| Oh, Jesus Christ! | ||
| Look at these fucking crazy assholes standing by with these guys. | ||
| I like the guy with the propeller hat. | ||
| He's just like, yep, I'm a fucking idiot. | ||
| I'm enjoying this, though. | ||
| Look at the fucking height, and this guy catches the ground with two wheels. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Does it land good? | ||
| It does land good. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| But I drive that car to the Comedy Store. | ||
| If I want to do like, if I'm really working on something or I really want to be jazzed up for a set, I'll take that car to the Comedy Store. | ||
| Because it's so loud and fucking smoky and... | ||
| Everything's like, your whole body, you feel it. | ||
| You're excited when you get there. | ||
| It's like you're on a stimulant. | ||
| Yeah, I know. | ||
| It's fun, man. | ||
| All of that stuff. | ||
| I love them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Woo! | |
| Look at these guys. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| You know, since the last time I did this show, I got to finally fly an A-Star, which was what the cops and the news guys fly. | ||
| And that was the coolest thing. | ||
| A-Star helicopter, we should tell people. | ||
| Is the coolest thing I've ever flown as far as like... | ||
| Just the power it had, compared to what, you know, I fly these little fucking egg beaters or whatever, but like, I did until all that bullshit happened. | ||
| But I got, one of the last flights I did, I got to fly, a buddy of mine who was training me to get my instrument, like I passed the test. | ||
| And then after you pass the test, you have two years. | ||
| So I still have two years, I have to December of next year to pass it, so I gotta finish that part of it, you know? | ||
| Did we do a podcast since you took me up? | ||
| Have you done one since you took me up? | ||
| I think we did. | ||
| I think we did, yeah. | ||
| Did we, Jamie? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Fuck, that was fun. | ||
| We went over downtown LA and you realize how many of those buildings have helicopter spots on the top? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That was fun, man. | ||
| It's crazy to me that with a helicopter, you could just kind of go wherever you want to go. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Just fucking float around. | ||
| Just go wherever you want to go. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like a hummingbird. | |
| You can just stop. | ||
| But then what it is is you give up speed. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| For that design. | ||
| There's all kinds of drag in just the way it's designed for what you want to do with it. | ||
| You give up speed. | ||
| So I get envious of planes where even if you get like a Cessna, they can just fly. | ||
| I mean, I think even like the... | ||
| Some of the smaller ones can fly faster than some of the faster heli... | ||
| I mean, you'd have to have an 8 million dollar helicopter. | ||
| Maybe that could fly faster. | ||
| But anything that I've fucked with, you can't come anywhere near. | ||
| Most of them, 120, 130 knots. | ||
| And then it depends on headwind or tailwind. | ||
| What's a knot to a mile an hour? | ||
| Well, it depends on how the wind... | ||
| Because you can literally be flying 90 knots and have like a fucking 50... | ||
| Not what I fly, but a significant headwind. | ||
| This is all shit you have to know on the test, and the second you take the test, you fucking forget. | ||
| I forget. | ||
| But you'll actually be going slower. | ||
| I've had times, especially out in Palm Desert and stuff, where there's a Venturi with the way the mountains are, and when the fucking... | ||
| The wind comes in, which can be really fucking scary as far as how it throws you around. | ||
| You're looking down at the highway with what I fly and they're going faster than you. | ||
| And you're just sitting there like... | ||
| And then that's when it sucks. | ||
| Because also with a helicopter, you can't just like take your hands off as shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| So you have to, you're literally, it's like your Porsche, like you're, you know, I'm imagining like trying to parallel park that car, even though it's a lighter car. | ||
| It's a nightmare. | ||
| I have a 68 Ford F100 when I first had it, I didn't have power steering, dude, and it was just light. | ||
| I mean, I remember when you brought that thing to the ice house. | ||
| That thing is the shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I love that old truck. | ||
| That's kind of my thing. | ||
| I like the trucks, and then I like old, like, not pimp cars. | ||
| Like, the guy who is a pimp, but he's not a pimp. | ||
| Like, you know what I mean? | ||
| Like, not literally a pimp. | ||
| He doesn't have a stable of bitches, but he's crushing life. | ||
| Like, I like that car. | ||
| Like, if I was going to get another car, I would get a 67 Cadillac Eldorado. | ||
| And it's actually the color that I loved. | ||
| It was in the Tarantino movie, but somebody was selling one, and I swear to God, by the time I saw the YouTube video it was already sold, I would have bought that fucking car. | ||
| It's the most gangster man's car. | ||
| Just the back end of that car, it's perfection. | ||
| I absolutely love that fucking car. | ||
| That's a beautiful car. | ||
| 67 Eldorado. | ||
| Would you get a convertible or a regular? | ||
| No, I hate convertibles. | ||
| Do you really? | ||
| All convertibles? | ||
| Yeah, I'm a little sexist with the convertible. | ||
| There's one convertible that I like, the one that I have, the 65 Corvette. | ||
| That's a 70. No, no, that's... | ||
| What year is that? | ||
| It's the car that the woman playing Margot Robbie... | ||
| There it is, there it is, there it is. | ||
| Right there. | ||
| Looks like it's green there, but I think it was blue. | ||
| Not that one. | ||
| No, not that one. | ||
| The guy with the suspenders, right to the left of that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That one there? | ||
| That car. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| You got to see the back end of that car. | ||
| What year is that? | ||
| That's a late, the 67 or 68 or something like that. | ||
| But the back end, look up a 67 Cadillac Eldorado rear end. | ||
| This is what I do while you're learning how to train a fucking bear to ride a bicycle. | ||
| I look at this shit. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| Click on that first one. | ||
| Click on the first one. | ||
| We can see a little bit of the side of the car. | ||
| I mean, look at that. | ||
| That's beautiful. | ||
| That is beautiful. | ||
| You need one of those in your life, Bill. | ||
| I do. | ||
| I need you driving one of those. | ||
| This is what I love about my wife. | ||
| I'll show her that. | ||
| I go, what do you think about that? | ||
| She's like, that's a fucking good looking car. | ||
| She would be cool if I got something like that, I think. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But look at that color. | ||
| I'm too fair-skinned to drive that. | ||
| You need olive skin. | ||
| No, no. | ||
| Or more. | ||
| You could pull it off. | ||
| You could pull it off. | ||
| You need one of them paperboy hats, though. | ||
| No, that thing would fucking... | ||
| That thing would blend too much in with my beard. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I just look like it'd be the ginger mobile. | ||
| What color would you get? | ||
| There's a year they got... | ||
| There's a blue that they have. | ||
| It's not that blue. | ||
| It's more of a... | ||
| Oh, look at that red one. | ||
| Click on that red one in the middle. | ||
| But look at the front end. | ||
| When your lights are flipped out, look at that thing. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| Look how good that looks in red. | ||
| That's a fucking beautiful car. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| But the lines in that car, that's just like... | ||
| And then that's the kind of... | ||
| I mean, you're not going to smoke a cigar driving down the street riding that fucking thing? | ||
| You have to. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's beautiful. | ||
| I think I'm going to get one. | ||
| Get one! | ||
| I know. | ||
| Where am I going to put it? | ||
| Then I'm going to be that guy with the fucking garage. | ||
| Put it here. | ||
| You can park it here. | ||
| I'll give you a key. | ||
| I got plenty of room. | ||
| Hey! | ||
| All right! | ||
| Dude. | ||
| This is why you're the number one podcast in the world. | ||
| I'm trying to help people. | ||
| I'm trying to encourage irresponsible behavior. | ||
| Yeah, and if you continue to own your podcast, you can buy something like that. | ||
| And if you don't, your fucking agent will buy that. | ||
| Yeah, I love them. | ||
| I love Cadillac convertibles, too, though. | ||
| I don't like muscle car convertibles after a certain... | ||
| Like mine, that Corvette that I have out there? | ||
| You've seen that silver one? | ||
| I love that in a convertible. | ||
| But that has an aftermarket suspension, an aftermarket frame. | ||
| I've seen all those cars. | ||
| The fact that the old ones, the frame, there's too much bounce. | ||
| There's too much shake and wiggle. | ||
| You have to have an aftermarket chassis. | ||
| It's far stiffer. | ||
| They make it so that it's very, very rigid. | ||
| It doesn't bounce around nearly as much. | ||
| Yeah, didn't they just make a sway bar or something that you would put in there? | ||
| Because I know in my truck, when I take a turn, I have to grab underneath the seat and hang on so I don't slide into the door. | ||
| They can upgrade your coilovers and stuff like that and put a better suspension on it so it handles a little better. | ||
| I have a nice balance of a little bit of modern on it and still fighting it so you feel like... | ||
| Because it still shifts on the column which I think is badass. | ||
| But then when I get on the highway I gotta stay in the right lane, you know? | ||
| Three on the tree, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Do you have disc brakes on it? | ||
| Do you swap disc brakes out? | ||
| It had just the shoes on it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The drums? | |
| The drum brakes, yeah. | ||
| And then I converted those. | ||
| Christopher Titus helped me with those. | ||
| And then what did I do after that? | ||
| I switched out the radiator because they tended to run hot, so they put an aluminum one in. | ||
| And what else did we do to it? | ||
| Titus used to have. | ||
| Power brakes and then power steering. | ||
| Titus used to have a sweet, I think it was a 55 Chevy that they made for him on the show Rides. | ||
| It was incredible. | ||
| Oh, that Chip Foose car, right? | ||
| Yeah, I think Chip Foose made it, yeah. | ||
| It was incredible, though. | ||
| Just, I don't know if he still has it. | ||
| He might have lost it when he got divorced and all that jazz. | ||
| No, I think he got it back. | ||
| Did he? | ||
| I think he got it back. | ||
| See if you can find it. | ||
| Christopher Titus' car. | ||
| I like those Resto Mod Cars. | ||
| It's sort of the perfect. | ||
| There it is. | ||
| There it is. | ||
| Look at that fucking thing. | ||
| God damn. | ||
| That is a work of art. | ||
| God, it's beautiful. | ||
| It's all very modified, too. | ||
| 56 Bel Air Custom by Chip Foose. | ||
| Go down, Jamie, into that one on the left hand right there with Titus right there. | ||
| I think that's him. | ||
| Yeah, look at that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck. | |
| I mean, that's a badass car. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| That is incredible. | ||
| That car is incredible. | ||
| Like when do you like look at that or drive that and not smile? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's what I don't know. | ||
| I like also... | ||
| I'm into those cab-over-engine fucking trucks. | ||
| I like weird shit. | ||
| What's a cab-over-engine? | ||
| What is that? | ||
| Look those up. | ||
| Those were the trucks' 40s and 50s, and the reason why they had that was there was some weird law where they didn't want trucks to get too long. | ||
| So they kept the tractor-trailer long, and then they put the engine... | ||
| Cab-over-engine is what it stands for. | ||
| Oh, so the engine's below you while you're sitting there. | ||
| Yeah, so if you look at some of the ones that people have fixed up, they're fucking wild. | ||
| That is wild. | ||
| Look at that thing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| But the thing is, if you do a gig in, like, Wyoming, you can find an all-original one just, like, sitting in, like, junkyards and shit. | ||
| Look at that fucking thing. | ||
| Goddamn, that's beautiful. | ||
| Like, I always wish, like, one of those car shows, like, Fast and Loud, the ones I've watched throughout the years, I always wish that somebody would do one of those. | ||
| I had that guy on the podcast. | ||
| He was awesome. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He brought his own tequila. | ||
| Oh, there's another great one from when I was a kid. | ||
| That yellow one down. | ||
| That's a Ford. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| I love those because that was like the fire engines looked like that thing. | ||
| But it's like, what would you do with it? | ||
| Drive around. | ||
| Take it to the store. | ||
| It's for sale, Gateway Classic cars. | ||
| I know. | ||
| But that's like the dumb shit. | ||
| I like those... | ||
| I like those kind of... | ||
| The GMC RV from Stripes. | ||
| And you got to do it in the Palm Desert fucking... | ||
| The Ron Burgundy green. | ||
| You like very odd cars. | ||
| Yeah, well at first I think you're into Mustangs and you're into fucking like the GTOs and the ones you're supposed to like. | ||
| And then, I'll ignore what you just did there. | ||
| And then, I mean, look at that. | ||
| You gotta get the interior on that fucking thing. | ||
| It's a Scooby-Doo mobile. | ||
| That's the mystery mobile. | ||
| No, they had a van. | ||
| Okay, click on the one, you're on the right, the lower left, all the way to the lower left, from the cluster on the right. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Is that it? | ||
| Click on that fucking thing. | ||
| No, that's not it. | ||
| Is that one there? | ||
| No. | ||
| Which one do you want? | ||
| It's the best green one they have. | ||
| Just click. | ||
| There it is. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| And inside, it looks like a Ron Burgundy suit. | ||
| Like it's the green plaid type shit. | ||
| Get a little humidor in there. | ||
| Drive around, do some fun. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look at that. | |
| I mean, look at that. | ||
| Come on, man. | ||
| That's the fucking shit. | ||
| So you like those old cars, like GTOs and Firebirds and shit like that? | ||
| I like all of those, but what I don't like about them is the baby boomers like them, and they have a zillion dollars. | ||
| So then all of a sudden it's like, you know, this is a Mustang Shelby. | ||
| We're going to start the bidding at $250,000. | ||
| It's like, oh, fuck yourself. | ||
| So I like... | ||
| I like a 65 Ford Galaxy. | ||
| That's what Frank Murphy, Season 4, F is for Family. | ||
| That's what he drives. | ||
| I like station wagons. | ||
| Have you ever seen those Icon Thriftmasters? | ||
| Do you know what that is? | ||
| Jonathan Ward, the guy from Icon, he takes an old Thriftmaster and redoes it completely from the bottom up. | ||
| It's the fucking most incredible car. | ||
| It drives like a car, but look at that. | ||
| It looks insane. | ||
| Look at that thing. | ||
| And they do it from the bottom up. | ||
| So it's all like modern brakes, modern suspension, beautiful interior. | ||
| That's what I love. | ||
| But then when you go inside, I want it to look like the year that that truck was. | ||
| Look at that silver one. | ||
| The one right above your cursor. | ||
| Yeah, look at that. | ||
| Fucking A. Actually, I looked at one. | ||
| I accidentally came upon that one. | ||
| God, that's beautiful. | ||
| I got another one that's a weird one. | ||
| Look up GMC. I always pick up the name of these things. | ||
| Parade of Progress. | ||
| That's what it's called? | ||
| They would drive these things like elephants into town. | ||
| They were like a living room, giant truck slash RV thing. | ||
| What the fuck are these things called? | ||
| That thing? | ||
| Look at that fucking thing. | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| How do you even know about this? | ||
| So the great thing is you open the door and there's like a spiral staircase where you go up. | ||
| And in there, what they usually had was back in the day because they would open it up on the side. | ||
| They would drive them in like elephants and make like a semicircle and people would walk in. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| I don't know what they have in there. | ||
| Yeah, that's an airplane engine or something. | ||
| Why is there an airplane engine in the middle of that? | ||
| I don't know, because somebody... | ||
| Oh, they customized it. | ||
| Power for the air age. | ||
| I think it was this weird sort of after World War II. See, there they are in the black and white. | ||
| There they are driving them into town. | ||
| And look at the steering wheel. | ||
| You were right in the center and there was like a little spiral staircase that you walked up. | ||
| Because those things go for like, I forget how much, like two, three million bucks or something. | ||
| Oh, that's 1936. It says Parade of Progress. | ||
| So it shows you what I know. | ||
| Look at that motherfucker. | ||
| Yeah, that's just weird. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| That's what you want. | ||
| One of those? | ||
| A rolling podcast studio. | ||
| No, that shit is too weird, but I appreciate it. | ||
| Like, you know that old BMW where the whole front of the car opens up and the steering wheel disconnects and goes out with the front of the car? | ||
| I haven't seen that one. | ||
| It would help if I knew the names of the cars. | ||
| The steering wheel disconnects? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| BMW has said it. | ||
| I know Steve Urkel had it and Family Matters. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's all I know about it. | |
| That's it? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Look at this! | ||
| So how you get in is you like open the front... | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Click on the red one. | ||
| There it is. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| See, and there's the steering wheel. | ||
| Oh, does it disconnect? | ||
| There's something weird. | ||
| No, it seems like the steering wheel stays put, but it looks like it disconnects. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Well, maybe it adjusts and comes back. | ||
| You enter through the front. | ||
| So if you get in a front-end collision, you've got to kick the windows out to get out of the car. | ||
| Yeah, and it's three wheels, too. | ||
| There's one wheel. | ||
| Look at Urkel. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Urkel. | |
| I forgot about Urkel. | ||
| Well, his came off in the car. | ||
| I met him one time. | ||
| He's like the coolest fucking guy ever. | ||
| I heard he's really nice. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I guess it bends over there. | |
| Do you see how it's turned down to the side? | ||
| Oh, it bends, and then you step over it. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| Yeah, I knew there was something. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| There was something about the steering wheel. | ||
| Yeah, there's a lot of weird shit out there. | ||
| But you like weird stuff. | ||
| You're not necessarily, like, you have an aversion to cool things. | ||
| No, it's like if you get into music, if you really get into a band, like if you're into ACDC, can you really listen to You Shook Me All Night Long again? | ||
| You're like, no dude, you gotta listen to What's Next to the Moon. | ||
| Get It Hot. | ||
| Or like COD. After a while, you're just like, alright. | ||
| I would say Shook Me All Night Long is the Mustang GT of ACDC songs. | ||
| And it's just like, if you're out here, there's a zillion Mustangs. | ||
| But it's like, after a while, you want to see... | ||
| It's part of human beings. | ||
| You want something a little bit different. | ||
| It's a little different. | ||
| It's cooler. | ||
| I kind of learned from Fast and Loud that the... | ||
| Was it the Ford Falcon or something? | ||
| It had the same chassis as the fucking Mustang. | ||
| But it's just a way cooler car because everybody goes for the Mustang. | ||
| You want to spend all that money and then some other fucking asshole shows up and he has one too? | ||
| That doesn't bother me. | ||
| Bugs me. | ||
| It's like when you're in a comedy club, and even if somebody just touches on the topic, you're like, ah, fuck, I can't talk about that. | ||
| Yes, I get that. | ||
| Because then it becomes like, oh, they all do that. | ||
| I get that, but there's a reason why everybody loves Mustangs. | ||
| I love them too. | ||
| But I have this weird thing where I love the interior up to 66, but I like the back end on 60... | ||
| 67, 68? | ||
| Yeah, I like that back end, but that's when they got the shit steering wheel. | ||
| Like the steering wheel in the 60s looks like an old school steering wheel. | ||
| And that one that they have in 67 or 68 was when they first came out with that one. | ||
| That one starts to look like, oh, cars are going to get ugly now, quickly. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The last muscle car that I like, that I vividly remember like the last year would probably be the 70 Camaro with like that shark nose front tooth. | ||
| I like that. | ||
| And then there's a few, there's a Buick Riviera, the Boattail from the early 70s that I like. | ||
| I'm really into those big two-door sedan sort of like... | ||
| You know, he's his own man. | ||
| I love those cars. | ||
| I fucking love those cars. | ||
| I'm trying to think. | ||
| There's a few cars in the 80s. | ||
| It really tapers off, though. | ||
| But I like Ford trucks right up into 86. I didn't like when they did that first design of the aerodynamic headlights. | ||
| I didn't like. | ||
| But then there was one in the early 90s. | ||
| The one OJ had. | ||
| That front end on his Bronco. | ||
| That one is the shit. | ||
| Yeah, I saw one yesterday. | ||
| Exactly like OJ's. | ||
| Totally restored. | ||
| I like muscle cars up into 71. 71 seems like the last year. | ||
| 71 Barracuda is still a really nice car. | ||
| Then it gets into 72, they start looking sketchy. | ||
| 73, they look sketchy. | ||
| The worst thing was they kept the model name and then it was just completely de-balled. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Like when your friend starts going out with just some total cunt and all of a sudden he can't hang out anymore. | ||
| Like there was that era. | ||
| You know, the Mustang II Cobras. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Once they got into the 80s with Mustangs, they were useless. | ||
| Late 70s, early 80s. | ||
| Once the gas crisis hit, they started making economical Mustangs, Mustangs that didn't eat so much gas. | ||
| They were useless. | ||
| It's a hard fall. | ||
| If you go from 67 to 77, it's like, what the fuck happened to you? | ||
| And also, the Mustang got all fat, like the Mach 1 and everything. | ||
| It was like... | ||
| Kind of got into its Elvis years. | ||
| You know, hey, I'm the Mustang. | ||
| I'm resting on my laurels here. | ||
| Well, there's no pizzazz to them. | ||
| You know, like late 70s, 79 Mustang. | ||
| There's no pizzazz. | ||
| This is how bad it went. | ||
| It became so quickly. | ||
| If you watch like the... | ||
| Remember when they had a game show network? | ||
| I used to love that because I was fascinated with prices. | ||
| You know? | ||
| And like, they would be like... | ||
| They actually tried to pass off a Chevy Vega as a sports car. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| And these people were losing their minds. | ||
| And I remember the Chevy Vega... | ||
| A lot of guys who knew shit about cars back in the day, they would try to jam Corvette engines into them because they couldn't afford a Corvette, but they knew about how to build cars and stuff. | ||
| Vegas were real light, too. | ||
| Yeah, there was always somebody who had one of those, like an El Camino up on blocks. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm going to finish that someday, man. | ||
| Yeah, and the El Camino is a rare breed of person that wants a pickup truck that's fucked a Chevelle. | ||
| That's really what it is. | ||
| It's like a Chevelle front end. | ||
| It looks good in the front, and then you get to the back, like, oh. | ||
| And then the early, the 80s. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Look at that Vega. | ||
| Yeah, that was considered sporty. | ||
| That was back before girls had butts. | ||
| That's impressive. | ||
| Well, girls with butts didn't get put on TV. Isn't that funny? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's another amazing thing. | ||
| What happened when we realized? | ||
| Was it Sir Mix-a-Lot? | ||
| What woke us up? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He made the ass mainstream. | ||
| I'm going to give him credit. | ||
| Might have been. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Before that, who else was it? | |
| It was all about tits. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| White guys were running shit, and it was about tits. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I don't know why. | ||
| It was all about titties. | ||
| Something happened. | ||
| Something happened and it became, asses became really important. | ||
| But then I think like, yeah, because now the fake ass, I think is probably more prevalent than the fake titty. | ||
| Like remember by the 90s was like sort of the apex of the fake titty. | ||
| You'd watch porn and the tit almost looked like bloodshot. | ||
| There'd be like veins on the side, like they'd stretch the skin. | ||
| You see, oh yeah. | ||
| That was really bad. | ||
| That was a really bad. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You have fat bottom girls before that. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| But that was just a song. | ||
| I don't think... | ||
| Yeah, they didn't... | ||
| He was still Freddie Mercury printing around in the video, I think. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Good song, though. | ||
| Yeah, what was it? | ||
| Like, who was like... | ||
| It wasn't Jennifer Lopez who wasn't known for the first big ass. | ||
| Because I was always an ass man. | ||
| Always. | ||
| I always just felt like that was the nucleus of a woman. | ||
| If she had a nice ass, the rest of her body was going to be nice. | ||
| I didn't give a shit a guy. | ||
| Eat cupcakes, eat great. | ||
| They won't be hanging on your fucking knees when I'm 50. Bald, smoking a cigar, doing a podcast. | ||
| It's weird, though, that the shape caught on. | ||
| It's very strange, like what guys are attracted to changed. | ||
| Well, I think because white people were so dominant with fucking owning everything that their idea of beauty became the standard. | ||
| Right, but white guys' idea of beauty changed too. | ||
| That's what's strange. | ||
| I would say it's somewhere Yo MTV raps. | ||
| Somewhere around there. | ||
| Just making up shit. | ||
| Somewhere around there. | ||
| I'm going to give Ed Lover and the other Dr. Dre credit. | ||
| I think it happened around the same time girls lost their pubes. | ||
| Because when we were in high school, everyone had pubes. | ||
| Even in college, everyone had pubes. | ||
| The apex of pubes was the 70s. | ||
| Yeah, but in the 80s they had it too. | ||
| But you were proud of your pubes. | ||
| In the 70s? | ||
| In the 70s. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Dude, I remember like you'd go to the fucking public pool and the chicks had like the... | ||
| There was like shit coming out the sides. | ||
| I remember thinking while I was a little kid, like, oh my God, I can see her pubes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, pubes were hot. | |
| Now pubes are disgusting. | ||
| There was muffs. | ||
| Yeah, if you're a girl and you got a full bush now, you're a dangerous woman. | ||
| But then I would say... | ||
| That that was probably Dr. J and the ABA crossing over. | ||
| Made women prouder than muffs. | ||
| What? | ||
| There's no research. | ||
| We just started talking. | ||
| Just making this up. | ||
| There is a clear shift that happened. | ||
| It's just like, what happened? | ||
| What made that clear shift? | ||
| Porn caused the people to get rid of the pubes. | ||
| That's definitely what happened. | ||
| Because porn led the way. | ||
| They trimmed the pubes first, and then everybody trimmed the pubes. | ||
| And now it's universal. | ||
| Then it went too far. | ||
| Yeah, now no one has pubes. | ||
| No, then it went too far, yeah. | ||
| Too far. | ||
| You're like a little bush. | ||
| Yeah, I would like, yeah. | ||
| You should look like a woman. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Not like a cancer patient. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So... | |
| Listen, if you're banging me, I'm just happy. | ||
| Happy you showed up. | ||
| God bless you. | ||
| Take it on for the team. | ||
| Yeah, you can find beauty in everything. | ||
| But when I was a kid, I mean, everyone had pubes. | ||
| It was a thing. | ||
| That's a weird moment in our culture, that we all just decided pubes are disgusting. | ||
| I think more that they need to be maintained. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| If there's going to be a camera an eighth of an inch from it. | ||
| And then... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Gynecological. | |
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So... | |
| So what's this movie you did? | ||
| I did this movie. | ||
| It's called The King of Staten Island. | ||
| Judd Apatow, Pete Davidson. | ||
| Look at your mustache! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hell yeah. | |
| Oh, you need one of those in your life. | ||
| Why don't you grow one of those? | ||
| Keep it. | ||
| It was really annoying to eat with. | ||
| Because Club Soda Kenny told me... | ||
| Because he was the guy I was saying, am I doing this right here? | ||
| Because there's a whole way to grow it where it's like... | ||
| He goes, all right. | ||
| He goes, if you're going to do the cop fireman one, he goes, the hair has to go over your top lip. | ||
| And Kenny had all these great old IDs from when he was a cop. | ||
| And... | ||
| What is this movie about? | ||
| It's sort of autobiographical... | ||
| Of Pete Davidson's life where he's playing a kid whose dad is a firefighter who died in a fire. | ||
| It's not 9-11 like Pete's real dad. | ||
| And it's basically his mom hasn't dated. | ||
| They just sort of froze. | ||
| Which I think was something that kind of happened in his family. | ||
| And then all of a sudden his mother started dating and it was weird for him. | ||
| So basically... | ||
| His mother, you know, through whatever circumstances I want to ruin it, I end up meeting her after me and Pete, you know, his character, I don't like his, and I'm coming to his house to fucking yell or whatever, and then I see... | ||
| His mom, played by Marissa Tomei, and then all of a sudden, you know, we click or whatever, we start dating or whatever, and then he fucking hates it and the comedy ensues. | ||
| But it's, you know, it's got a lot of heart, you know, it's not 100% comedy. | ||
| But, yeah, Marissa Tomei, Dom Lombardozzi, Steve Buscemi. | ||
| No, it's streaming everywhere except Netflix. | ||
| It's like that kid movie, Trolls. | ||
| Whatever they did is what Universal is doing with this one, where it's going to be anywhere where you can stream movies and stuff. | ||
| So it was supposed to be in the movie theater. | ||
| It was going to be in the movie theater, and then all of this stuff happened. | ||
| So then people who make movies are deciding, are we going to hold on to some of this stuff, which they're doing with some movies. | ||
| This thing, fortunately, they're going to put out. | ||
| There it is. | ||
| Apple TV, Verizon, YouTube, Google Play, Amazon Prime. | ||
| Basically, why wouldn't Netflix hop on board with this? | ||
| Come on, Netflix. | ||
| I don't think it's a come on Netflix thing. | ||
| I think eventually it'll probably end up there. | ||
| But I think first they do this. | ||
| This is the way they're going to get their box office, I guess. | ||
| You get it on Microsoft. | ||
| How many people are buying movies on Microsoft? | ||
| You'd be surprised. | ||
| I would be. | ||
| That's why I'm asking. | ||
| There would be, I would think... | ||
| That's such an easy answer. | ||
| You'd be surprised. | ||
| That was like a political answer. | ||
| I had no answer for you. | ||
| Let the record show... | ||
| Many people are buying it on Microsoft. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Do you think this is a good thing that movies are being forced to stream? | ||
| I kind of like it. | ||
| I mean, I don't want movie theaters to go under, but I do like the option of being able to watch a newly released movie at home. | ||
| Yeah, I think everything's going to adapt, but I don't think the movie theater is ever going to go away because I still enjoy going to the movies. | ||
| It's a way to get out of the house. | ||
| You get a sitter. | ||
| You reconnect with your wife. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| We're friends. | ||
| Popcorn. | ||
| This is fun. | ||
| All of a sudden, your jokes come back. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You're having fun. | ||
| Anytime I hang with my wife, if we get a couple days away, the magic, instant. | ||
| Instant comes back, and then when we get back to the house, it's like the grind again, and we just start laughing. | ||
| We're like, we gotta remember those two days. | ||
| So the key is to have those two-day little things enough that you don't forget it so you don't start fucking growing apart. | ||
| Do you guys do date nights? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I do date nights with my wife and we were doing them when I was at the store all the time when comedy was up. | ||
| I was doing them on Saturday night because she didn't have to get up early in the morning for the kids, take the kids to school so she could be rested and refreshed. | ||
| Didn't have to go to school the next day, so didn't have to get up on Sunday. | ||
| So it was a good day. | ||
| So I just would take Sunday off of stand-up and we do date nights. | ||
| And this is the thing. | ||
| As much as women seem impossible to guys, especially someone like me with all of my fucking issues, it's like just something like that does wonders for your connection. | ||
| And then we also had like once a week we were doing like before we got pregnant again, we were doing a family dinner and that was the best. | ||
| And what we were going to was a bunch of like just mom and pop places in like the valley and Out in Pasadena and stuff like that are these places that are just legendary in that area but they don't have a chain. | ||
| So it's cool because you feel like you're giving regular people money and business and we would go there. | ||
| That was a big thing when I was growing up. | ||
| Before you had all these screens and all of this shit, going out to dinner with your family. | ||
| I remember being excited. | ||
| They used to have this chain in Massachusetts. | ||
| Remember Pewter Pot? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They basically, they made muffins. | ||
| Somehow they were a chain that made muffins, and then they expanded into having full dinners. | ||
| And everything was made out of wood. | ||
| It was very, like, 70s. | ||
| And that was, like, a big thing. | ||
| My dad came up, we're going to Pewter Pot tonight! | ||
| And you were, like, psyched! | ||
| And I would always get whatever, like cheeseburger and fries, and then a blueberry muffin. | ||
| Such a weird order. | ||
| But I was a kid, and you wouldn't get fat. | ||
| It was fucking awesome. | ||
| So I want my kids to have a little bit of that, that sort of, I don't know, I'm probably romancing it. | ||
| But I think it's, because it was from my childhood, but I think it's an important thing to do shit like that. | ||
| Yeah, I'm a big fan of mom-and-pop restaurants. | ||
| There's a place we used to go to in Woodland Hills called Brandywine. | ||
| And the owner, Peggy and Chris, the owners, the female owner was the chef, and the male owner was the maitre d'. | ||
| And they were a married couple. | ||
| They'd been together forever. | ||
| And when we met them, they were probably... | ||
| I want to say in their 70s, like pretty deep in their 70s. | ||
| They were already fairly along. | ||
| Pretty far down the road there. | ||
| And then they eventually sold the place. | ||
| They sold the place. | ||
| It was sad. | ||
| And then some new people bought it, but I think it went under now. | ||
| But it was a great little place, a small place. | ||
| It didn't seat very many people. | ||
| Do you know how I get over that sadness? | ||
| I get old, because that shit really used to depress me. | ||
| What I look at was like, you know, when they opened this restaurant and they were young, there was old people that were upset about whatever they cleared out. | ||
| And it just happens, you know what I mean? | ||
| Well, I was just upset that I couldn't see them. | ||
| You know, I just enjoyed their company. | ||
| It was always, you know, we had been going there for 10 years. | ||
| It was one of those places. | ||
| Well, what I do is I take the humanity out of it, Joe. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| A cycle of life. | ||
| It's just like the praying mantis and the lizard. | ||
| I know, dude. | ||
| I tell you, this fucking... | ||
| This whole quarantine thing really... | ||
| I never realized what a fucking idiot I am. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jesus Christ. | |
| Yeah, you're telling me this. | ||
| Just everything I'm doing. | ||
| Why the fuck did I just do this? | ||
| Why did this need to fucking be on here? | ||
| You wanted to. | ||
| Why, Joe? | ||
| No big deal. | ||
| You're a clean freak or something. | ||
| Look at me. | ||
| I'm cutting up his ashes like it's coke. | ||
| That takes me back to Chelsea, going around the apex. | ||
| I have a cocaine memory from, I never did coke, but of this lady doing it. | ||
| I was coming home from Kelly's Roast Beef. | ||
| Joe Rogan on coke. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| That's what I'm saying. | ||
| I'm smart enough to realize it's not for me. | ||
| What about me? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I can snap on weed. | ||
| I don't need to be doing coke. | ||
| We eat an espresso and you're ready to fight. | ||
| We're driving back from Kelly's Roast Beef. | ||
| Do you remember Kelly's Roast Beef in Revere? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Great. | |
| You know what's so funny? | ||
| I don't think I ever went there. | ||
| Really? | ||
| I drove by it a million times. | ||
| I was going by Cappy's Liquors on the way up to the Kowloon. | ||
| Kelly's Roast Beef was great. | ||
| Remember Cappy's Liquors? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I do. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Near Kowloon. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You drive up there. | ||
| Kelly's Roast Beef had clams too. | ||
| Didn't they have clams? | ||
| Those fried clams? | ||
| That was one of those places I meant to get to. | ||
| I always meant to get to that and then that steakhouse with the giant cactus. | ||
| Oh yeah, that's right! | ||
| That place! | ||
| What the fuck was that place called? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hilltop Steakhouse. | |
| Yes! | ||
| And I was going to eat there someday. | ||
| I just love the cows, the fake cows out front. | ||
| And we were living on the North Shore then, so we would drive my dad into work and we would always go down Route 1. And we would go buy that and I would think like you know and there was also a hockey rink up there that had a Bruins emblem that they were allowed to use before like all the corporate people really like you can't use our logo so their Bruins thing and I was convinced that's where the Bruins practiced. | ||
| I went to Hilltop Steakhouse once and it was for some reason I have it connected in my mind with a boxing match that was on TV because I was so bummed out. | ||
| Sugar Ray Leonard fought Terry Norris. | ||
| I know that name, I should say. | ||
| Terry Norris was a monster. | ||
| So was Sugar Ray when he was in his prime, but he got older and he fought Terry Norris, and Terry Norris was a fucking, just a demon. | ||
| He was so good, and Sugar Ray just had no business fighting him. | ||
| And I remember eating food, just being bummed out, just... | ||
| Just thinking, fuck, is this just what happens to all these guys? | ||
| Like, they all decide, they all decide, one more fight, one more fight, let me do it. | ||
| And he came back and beat a few, see if you can find that. | ||
| Couldn't you imagine if your body broke down in around 35, you couldn't do stand-up anymore? | ||
| You'd definitely try to go for one more set. | ||
| Yeah, but it's different. | ||
| It's different. | ||
| It is. | ||
| I thought it was the same. | ||
| You're right. | ||
| It's different. | ||
| Terry Norris was in his prime, and he was just so fast and elite, and Sugar Ray was just... | ||
| I want to say he was like 38 or something like that. | ||
| I don't know how old he was, but it was hard to watch. | ||
| From Madison Square Garden in New York City. | ||
| But that's not something, when I think of Sugar Ray Leonard, I don't think... | ||
| I mean, what about that division he was in? | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Hagler, Hearns, Duran, and Leonard. | ||
| I mean... | ||
| Well, he fought Hagler long. | ||
| I mean, he came back and fought Hagler, and then Hagler retired after that one loss. | ||
| He's just like, I'm good. | ||
| But it was just watching Terry Norris faster and quicker. | ||
| Yeah, he went to Italy and started making movies. | ||
| Yeah, hilarious movies. | ||
| I got a buddy of mine that is convinced that fight was fixed by the Italian mob, and then his payoff was they gave him a movie career in Italy. | ||
| It might be true. | ||
| Your buddy might be right. | ||
| There's something about it that I've watched. | ||
| I'm like, man, it almost looks like Hager's taking something off of his punches. | ||
| I just don't see him doing that. | ||
| I don't see him ever doing that. | ||
| But I also didn't see him retiring like that. | ||
| I think he might have gotten fucked on a decision on that fight. | ||
| Because that fight, I really felt, could have... | ||
| I was such a Hearns... | ||
| I'm a Hagler fan. | ||
| And also, what about Tommy Hearns? | ||
| Being as tall as he was, but could make that weight. | ||
| When he fought Sugar Ray, I think he was only 22. And he was 147. Sugar Ray stopped him after Angelo Dundee gave him that speech in the corner. | ||
| You're blowing it, kid! | ||
| Remember that? | ||
| I'll never forget that. | ||
| You know what I remember? | ||
| One of the greatest ones I saw, Corner Guy, was that... | ||
| Corrales-Castillo fight. | ||
| And when he gets in the corner and he'd been knocked down for like, I don't know how many times, kept spitting out his mouthpiece and they took away a point or something. | ||
| He goes into his corner and I remember his manager or whatever you call the guy is in the corner. | ||
| He goes, you better fucking get inside now. | ||
| I don't even know what that means. | ||
| I forget he said that and then this fucking guy, Charlie Murphy, rest his soul, told me about that fight. | ||
| He's like, Bill, you got to see this fight. | ||
| He goes, I woke up my whole family. | ||
| It was a wild ass fight. | ||
| And he actually, Charlie, he was such a funny guy, man. | ||
| He hurt his foot. | ||
| That's how much he was into it. | ||
| Like when he came back after getting knocked down and then knocked out the other guy. | ||
| I always forget Corrales Castillo. | ||
| Corrales is the guy who won that fight, right? | ||
| Well, they fought more than once, I believe. | ||
| Um, Diego Corrales... | ||
| Yeah, he's the guy and he died on a motorcycle, I think, right? | ||
| Exactly, that's what I was gonna say, yeah. | ||
| Terrible. | ||
| I'll tell you, an underrated fight. | ||
| This was back when I had time, I used to watch this shit, was Evander Holyfield versus Michael Dokes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah, I remember that. | |
| Do you remember that fight? | ||
| That was a great one. | ||
| That was a great fight. | ||
| Holyfield had so many great fights. | ||
| He was a... | ||
| That guy was a warrior. | ||
| Is. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's coming back. | ||
| Do you know that? | ||
| I want to see that. | ||
| He's training. | ||
| Mike Tyson's training. | ||
| They're both training. | ||
| In their 50s. | ||
| Yeah, here it is. | ||
| Michael Dokes. | ||
| Yeah, it was... | ||
| I mean, it's just amazing how much longevity Holyfield had. | ||
| And Holyfield started as a cruiserweight. | ||
| I remember when he beat Dwight Muhammad Kawi for the cruiserweight title and then gained all this weight to go up. | ||
| I remember when he was a cruiserweight in the 80s when I was lifting and I was young and all that shit. | ||
| I was like, that's the body I want. | ||
| That's what I'm going for. | ||
| Of course, I couldn't get it, but I was like, that's the shape I want to be in. | ||
| You know how stupid I look if I fucking look like that? | ||
| Oh, you look amazing. | ||
| Going on stage, telling jokes. | ||
| Just wear something that covers it up a little bit. | ||
| What, a poncho? | ||
| Going out with a big square body. | ||
| Outlawed Josie Wales. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Outlawed Josie Wales poncho. | ||
| Yeah, you flip it over and you got a Mikey to take it out. | ||
| Wah, wah, wah. | ||
| Yeah, oh my God. | ||
| This is round 10. Look at the people standing up. | ||
| I mean, this shit was just... | ||
| Oh, man. | ||
| Now watch Stokes. | ||
| Oh, right hand. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| They stop it. | ||
| That was it. | ||
| Richard Steele. | ||
| Richard Steele was the same guy that stopped Julio Cesar Chavez and Meldrick Taylor with like two seconds left to go in the final round. | ||
| When... | ||
| Meldrick Taylor was up on the fight, and Julio Cesar Chavez dropped him. | ||
| Meldrick Taylor got up, and Richard Steele was like, are you ready to go on? | ||
| Dude, he has more muscle in his trapezi, whatever the fuck that's called, than traps I have in my whole fucking body. | ||
| He was a specimen. | ||
| Holyfield was a specimen. | ||
| What's interesting about Holyfield too, he was like the first guy that ever really put weight on successfully. | ||
| Like he had this crazy strength and conditioning program that he did to go up to heavyweight where, you know, he was fairly thin when he was a cruiserweight and started lifting weights. | ||
| And lifting weights back then, most people thought lifting weights was terrible for you. | ||
| There was a big thing in basketball, don't lift weights, it's gonna fuck up your shot. | ||
| They thought you were gonna send the ball past the rim. | ||
| Well you know what it is, it's from being stiff and sore. | ||
| When you're stiff and sore, it does fuck you up. | ||
| It fucks you up with boxing, it fucks you up with everything, but it's a matter of doing it correctly so that your body recovers enough so that when you actually fight, you're not stiff and sore, but you have all that extra muscle. | ||
| So this is great by the way. | ||
| Cars, fights, cigars, praying mantises. | ||
| Men stuff! | ||
| Yes! | ||
| I love it, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, that era of boxing, man. | ||
| Those are the golden era when we were kids. | ||
| My God. | ||
| You know, ABC, Wide World of Sports. | ||
| Get up and watch the fights. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I remember watching the Leon Spinks, Muhammad Ali. | ||
| They showed it on TV. It must have been a replay. | ||
| I remember watching that and just kept thinking Muhammad Ali was going to come back. | ||
| It was the one that he lost against Leon Spinks. | ||
| I also remember the Mike Tyson... | ||
| Michael Spinks fight. | ||
| And I remember the pizza didn't even get there. | ||
| And I remember my buddy was all excited. | ||
| Dude, my dad ordered the fight! | ||
| And they had just finished their basement. | ||
| And we went downstairs and we were sitting there to watch it. | ||
| It was over in like 90 seconds. | ||
| And I just remember my buddy, he got off the couch and he was on all fours, like an inch from the TV, just screaming, what the fuck? | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| Because we didn't understand. | ||
| There wasn't the education, mainstream education, of what a body blow did to you. | ||
| So unless somebody got hit in the head and their mouthpiece went flying, we didn't understand because that last shotty was a hook to the body. | ||
| And you didn't understand. | ||
| Like, literally their internal organs just slammed to the other side of their rib cage. | ||
| You didn't understand that that was happening. | ||
| Here it is. | ||
| Here's the whole fight. | ||
| Yeah, this was an amazing, amazing moment because Spinks was another guy who went up from light heavyweight, beat Larry Holmes, and then became the heavyweight champion that was fighting Tyson, but it just was too small. | ||
| Yeah, we were yelling this Spinks jinx because we just wanted to, we were rooting for Tyson, but we wanted to see a fight. | ||
| Spinks had a good right hand, but you could see he's paralyzed here. | ||
| I mean, he's fighting a guy that's just so much bigger than him, and he's getting smashed. | ||
| Mike Tyson was just such a force in nature at the time. | ||
| Spinks just really had no business fighting legitimate heavyweights. | ||
| He fought Larry Holmes when Larry was past his prime, and he beat Larry by decision. | ||
| Oh, I thought he beat him bad. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| I thought like that was like, oh no, you know what I'm thinking of was the time Holmes fought Ali. | ||
| Yes, that was bad. | ||
| And he was looking over at the ref like, what the fuck? | ||
| Are you going to stop this? | ||
| That was bad. | ||
| That was bad. | ||
| People to the end of Larry Holmes' career didn't appreciate him because of that. | ||
| They loved Ali so much. | ||
| So you heard him with this right hand here, and then he's swarming on him. | ||
| I remember seeing this video of Muhammad Ali promoting. | ||
| Here it is right here. | ||
| Boom. | ||
| Body shot. | ||
| He goes down. | ||
| Spinks gets up. | ||
| Referee gives him an eight count. | ||
| He says, I'm fine. | ||
| Oh, I thought he went down on that one. | ||
| No, that was a body shot. | ||
| And then he gets hit with a right hand right here. | ||
| Tyson steps. | ||
| Bing! | ||
| There it is. | ||
| Oh, that was... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, Jesus. | |
| See, I forgot about that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He's just like, fuck this, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck this. | |
| His body's like, fuck this. | ||
| Dude, do you realize the fucking balls it takes to fucking walk? | ||
| Oh, you do. | ||
| You did it. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| I mean, those guys, you walk into an arena shirtless. | ||
| It's scary. | ||
| That's fucking amazing. | ||
| What's really scary is, it's like you think about it for weeks and weeks up to it, and obviously I never did it at this level, but at that level, when the whole world is watching, and you know that this is just an enormous moment, and you just got waylaid by one of the greatest heavyweights of all time and flattened. | ||
| That was a crazy knockout. | ||
| You know what I was watching about? | ||
| He was so fun to watch because he annoyed so many people because he was so cocky. | ||
| And he had such a weird style as that Prince... | ||
| Oh my God, is that guy fun to watch. | ||
| Oh, he was amazing. | ||
| You know Tyson had syphilis or something like that in that fight. | ||
| No, that was Buster Douglas. | ||
| Did he? | ||
| Yeah, he had the clap or something. | ||
| I think it was this fight. | ||
| I think it was the fight he won. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| When he fought Buster Douglas, he just didn't train very hard for it. | ||
| Just really was just dominating everybody and just took it for granted. | ||
| He still almost won. | ||
| Still dropped Buster. | ||
| And to this day, if you watch that fight when Buster's down, it's more than 10 seconds. | ||
| Yeah, but the thing was he didn't go to the corner fast enough, I thought. | ||
| And he picked up the count. | ||
| I thought he would have got up. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I remember where I was when I watched that. | ||
| I remember all of that shit. | ||
| I was at my buddy Mitch's house. | ||
| We were upstairs on his fucking square TV. And I was like... | ||
| You know, because you cheer for the underdog. | ||
| And he was all bummed out. | ||
| Going, I want to see Mike lose. | ||
| And I was just like... | ||
| I didn't realize what... | ||
| I had lost as a sports fan because you're losing greatness. | ||
| Not that he's not great, but you know what I mean? | ||
| You wanted to see that undefeated, keep going thing. | ||
| And then afterwards, you know, it's a weird thing. | ||
| But the Buster Douglas in that fight, do you know the whole story behind it? | ||
| His mom died. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And he was devastated. | ||
| And so he was always a really, really talented guy that just didn't work hard enough. | ||
| But that fight, he trained like a motherfucker. | ||
| He trained like a real champion. | ||
| Probably because he came out. | ||
| Yeah, didn't want to face, didn't want to think about it, so he probably just focused on... | ||
| Well, was that maybe also he was like doing it, he was dedicating it to his mom. | ||
| But he threw some beautiful punches. | ||
| Once again, the human element that I just removed. | ||
| I just... | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm a robot. | |
| I am. | ||
| I am. | ||
| Is this what you're finding out from the pandemic, being locked up and having too much alone time? | ||
| I understand my anger now. | ||
| I don't know how to fix it, but I understand it. | ||
| What is it? | ||
| What is your anger? | ||
| It's feeling like I'm not going to be heard. | ||
| And things are going to go in a way I don't want them to be. | ||
| So the second is, there's a suggestion different than mine. | ||
| I catastrophize in my head. | ||
| And I don't just go be like, well, you know what? | ||
| Actually, I can't do that because I'm doing Joe's podcast. | ||
| Maybe I could do that tomorrow. | ||
| I just hear the information and feel like I have no power. | ||
| And then I go, oh, what the fuck? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Then my wife's like, I just asked a question. | ||
| And then I am so fucking up here, I have to like, it only takes me like two minutes. | ||
| And then I come in, I put my head to the side of her head, and I just go, I'm sorry. | ||
| I don't want to tell you, you married a fuck-up. | ||
| You blew it. | ||
| You're not good at reading people. | ||
| You have no one to blame but yourself. | ||
| I apologize like an asshole. | ||
| There's another thing, too. | ||
| I also, in this, have never loved my wife more. | ||
| You know, gave me a son, and it's just like, it's one of those things where, you know, you really sit there going, like, I am way, way more of a fucking asshole than I thought I was. | ||
| I knew I was, but I didn't think I was that bad. | ||
| So, you realize you've got issues, but you don't know how to solve them. | ||
| That's what it is? | ||
| I realized that I had issues that I thought I was past. | ||
| That's what fucked me up. | ||
| But you feel like, all right, so I've taken care of that. | ||
| Now I can focus on this. | ||
| And it's like, no, no, this is still in this pile. | ||
| You thought it was six feet high. | ||
| It's 12 feet high. | ||
| And it was demoralizing. | ||
| Don't you think no one is part of the way to fix it, though? | ||
| Yeah, but then you have to go through the torture of it. | ||
| Because it's not like the Dr. Phil episode. | ||
| You need to understand you fucking yellow people, whatever the fuck. | ||
| And you go, okay, thanks, Phil. | ||
| And you're just going to go do that. | ||
| It's like then you have to do the fucking work. | ||
| And it's so easy to just go back into your... | ||
| It's a deep groove worn into your personality and you're trying to get out of the rut. | ||
| And it's just easy to go back into it. | ||
| And just be on autopilot. | ||
| Asshole autopilot. | ||
| That's why people like psychedelics. | ||
| Because it separates you so much from who you are, you get a chance to look at yourself. | ||
| It's one of the things that comes out of it. | ||
| I should have done that when I was younger. | ||
| Can't do it now? | ||
| Like right now? | ||
| On this podcast? | ||
| I don't think that would be very professional. | ||
| I'm supposed to be promoting one of these feature films. | ||
| We've already done it. | ||
| We've promoted it. | ||
| It looks great. | ||
| I'm excited. | ||
| I'm excited to see you with a mustache. | ||
| Oh, so you're saying I'm done and then I can now do this? | ||
| You can do a little drugs. | ||
| Just a little mushrooms. | ||
| Be good for you. | ||
| Listen, Joe, I know you're an influencer, but you ain't gonna win on this one. | ||
| Influencer? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Influencer. | |
| That's a dirty word to me. | ||
| I will be... | ||
| Kids get out of the house and they're fucking great people. | ||
| Hopefully, if I did the job, then... | ||
| Then? | ||
| So when they're 18? | ||
| Okay, we'll go. | ||
| When they're 18, I'm gonna take you somewhere. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Alright, when I'm 70 and you're 71. Yeah, we'll get blasted together on mushrooms. | |
| Yeah, I'll finally get that Cadillac. | ||
| We'll go to the Pacific Northwest, which will be burnt to the ground once the looters take over those six blocks. | ||
| They're eventually going to expand to 12. There'll be no more Seattle. | ||
| The trees will regrow. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I love Seattle. | |
| Don't say that. | ||
| You ever play the Moore Theater? | ||
| Love it there. | ||
| It's great. | ||
| I love Seattle. | ||
| I love Seattle. | ||
| I'm a big fan. | ||
| I used to love that Bellevue place. | ||
| The pool hall. | ||
| It was a pool hall connected to a comedy club. | ||
| Remember that? | ||
| Did you ever do that place? | ||
| I didn't know I did that one. | ||
| Went under. | ||
| Went under real recently. | ||
| It was fucking great. | ||
| I'm trying to remember the name of the place. | ||
| But it was in Bellevue. | ||
| And I first went there with Callan. | ||
| Callan was the one who told me about it. | ||
| I was like, this is my dream. | ||
| A pool hall connected to a comedy club. | ||
| This is the greatest thing I've ever heard of. | ||
| I love that guy. | ||
| He is one of the fastest minds ever. | ||
| That's unbelievable how fucking funny that guy is. | ||
| It's very funny, dude. | ||
| There it is. | ||
| The parlor. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Permanently closed. | ||
| Talented guy, too. | ||
| I saw him one time with a bow and arrow, just talking all of this shit, and he hit a bullseye, and then he did the next one, and he split his fucking arrow. | ||
| Talking shit the whole fucking time. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Brian Cowan? | |
| Yes. | ||
| Where'd you see this? | ||
| At this guy's house that had one of those things. | ||
| That was dead luck. | ||
| Brian Cowell is a terrible archer. | ||
| He doesn't know jack shit about archery. | ||
| Hey, listen. | ||
| I know what I saw. | ||
| Were you dreaming? | ||
| No, I saw this. | ||
| He talked shit the whole time and he did it. | ||
| It was fucking great. | ||
| It was like I was watching a movie. | ||
| I bought him a bow. | ||
| Listen, I gotta tell you something. | ||
| I think you need to move him a little bit higher up in your brain. | ||
| He's one of my best friends. | ||
| That's how you talk about a friend. | ||
| I love him. | ||
| But I bought him a bow. | ||
| I bought him a Hoyt. | ||
| Carbon spider. | ||
| Really nice bow. | ||
| Never used it once. | ||
| He goes, wait, I gotta use that bow. | ||
| I gotta use that bow one day. | ||
| I'm like, get a fucking target. | ||
| He's probably standing on the string doing curls knowing him. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| He boxes. | ||
| Likes to go to the boxing gym. | ||
| Likes to mix it up. | ||
| He goes in there and spars. | ||
| I'm like, Brian, you're gonna get brain damage. | ||
| You're 53 years old. | ||
| You can't be getting punched in the face. | ||
| Yeah, but he's like a Jason Statham, 53. Because you have to know that, dude. | ||
| Now that we're these old fucks, okay? | ||
| We're hanging in there. | ||
| Because you see people, I see at this point, I remember that's when I first felt old, was when I would meet people after shows, and I'd be like, oh, this guy's got at least five years on me, and I'd find out they were five years younger than me. | ||
| Like, I'd be like 33, I'd be like, you're fucking 28. And he was like a real 28, married, three kids, and I saw what that looked like, you know? | ||
| You know this fucking business. | ||
| This business you get shit on. | ||
| I love the harassing to a point on social media. | ||
| Harassing? | ||
| Hey, Billy Boo's face. | ||
| Hey, Billy Fat Tits and all that shit. | ||
| That motivates me. | ||
| You gotta honestly look at yourself. | ||
| They're right. | ||
| They're hanging a little bit. | ||
| I need to do some push-ups. | ||
| They will fucking bully you into getting in shit. | ||
| It's all how you process the information. | ||
| No? | ||
| Yeah, there's something to that. | ||
| Yeah, look, you're talking about fat shaming. | ||
| I'm telling you that if I wasn't in this business, I would be a fat fuck. | ||
| I'd get those blonde Oreo cookies, root beer floats. | ||
| I would be fucking hammering that shit. | ||
| So being in the business keeps you skinnier? | ||
| Yeah, because then on Twitter I would just have the fucking, the pussy picture, just the egg one. | ||
| You know, when nobody knows who you are and I could be a fat fuck being like, you know, just giving people shit. | ||
| You got a little fatter since the last movie. | ||
| I would have a blast doing that. | ||
| How's your shoulder? | ||
| It's great. | ||
| It's better? | ||
| Because I've been, I finally, that was another thing. | ||
| Is this, like, the shoulder thing also caused me that I had to slow down. | ||
| And, like, the patience you need to rehab it. | ||
| Like, you're sitting there with, like, at first it's just the weight of your arm doing the crawls up the wall. | ||
| Then you lay on your side. | ||
| Then it's just the weight of your arm. | ||
| And then a tuna can. | ||
| Then I went into a can of clams. | ||
| And now I'm up to the pink weight. | ||
| The one pounder. | ||
| And then this is the big tipping point. | ||
| When you go from one pound to two pound, as ridiculous as that sound, you're increasing the weight load by 100%. | ||
| And that's when you get hurt, because you want to get, like, I used to be able to do like 15 pound, you know, 20 pound, 25, those sets you used to do. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And now, you know, when it's really hurting, I reach for some salt. | ||
| I'm like, ah, it resets it. | ||
| So what I do is I just get, slowly work my way up to three sets of 20, And then when I go to two pounds, when I do it, I'll just do three sets of three. | ||
| So I'm way beneath the weight load that I did. | ||
| And then you gradually, it requires all of this patience that I don't fucking have. | ||
| What is wrong with it? | ||
| This one I had a bursitis. | ||
| This one I actually, I fucked up something else. | ||
| And this one is totally fine now. | ||
| But I'm not using it as much because I'm not using this one. | ||
| So I do the rehab on both sides just to keep them equal. | ||
| I've been doing a lot of core work, a lot of back shit that I never did, which is how my shoulder got fucked up. | ||
| Because I just did the 80s things. | ||
| You know, this, everything up here, what I could see, I worked on. | ||
| So all back here was like, we can't fucking hold this shit. | ||
| So everything, my shoulders bowed in and one was higher than the other. | ||
| And then eventually it just got pinched. | ||
| Yeah, it was... | ||
| Yeah, I do these fucking things. | ||
| I know that's for this, but I didn't do anything for the middle of my back or lower back, all of this. | ||
| I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about. | ||
| You ever used bands? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Bands are a good way to not get hurt. | ||
| I'm a big fan. | ||
| There's a product called Crossover Symmetry. | ||
| It's a series of different weight bands. | ||
| I'll show it to you out here. | ||
| I have it attached to one of the bars, one of the cages. | ||
| And these bands, they come in 15 pounds. | ||
| 25 pounds, 40 pounds, a bunch of different weights. | ||
| I'd take these things and I'd do a whole series of exercises with my shoulders. | ||
| It's great. | ||
| It keeps everything strong and you're not really... | ||
| You're not pushing it in the same with weights. | ||
| Yeah, I'd like to look at that. | ||
| I'm not going to do it, but once I get to a certain level of strength... | ||
| But the thing is, you can do it. | ||
| It's not going to hurt you because you're not... | ||
| You're just doing it lightly like this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You've got a lawsuit coming your way, buddy. | |
| Look, this is... | ||
| Oh, I just thought of something. | ||
| I just forgot. | ||
| Something that I learned about myself with that shit. | ||
| That'll come to me. | ||
| As far as like... | ||
| With rehabilitation? | ||
| Yeah, but it also came into my personality. | ||
| Just something that I kind of... | ||
| Oh, this is what I learned about myself. | ||
| And why I didn't miss stand-up, because it was freaking me out. | ||
| Is because what I experienced as a kid, straight across the board... | ||
| It made me go to this mental place of like, I don't care. | ||
| Fuck it. | ||
| I don't care. | ||
| I don't need it. | ||
| I don't give a shit. | ||
| And that's what caused everything to get walled off. | ||
| And that actually feeds into rehabbing injuries. | ||
| Because it was a big moment for me where I got this fucking console thing that I'm trying to put in my podcast studio. | ||
| And they're supposed to deliver it and bring it in there, right? | ||
| So the day they were going to deliver it, my wife went into labor. | ||
| So, I went to the hospital, and then they showed up, and I didn't want them going out in my garage. | ||
| I got all my memorabilia and shit. | ||
| I just didn't want people in there unless I was there. | ||
| So I said, I just have them drop it off. | ||
| I thought it was going to be a box, and it was already assembled. | ||
| And it was fucking big, right? | ||
| And it was also the weight load of it. | ||
| I was like, ah, fuck it. | ||
| If I keep my arms in like this, it's mostly biceps, and I was going to do this stupid German-Irish. | ||
| Fuck it. | ||
| And what it was going to do was going to set me back... | ||
| Once again, I had a big setback in February. | ||
| I had an acting gig, and they said, hey, it was just a stupid little action thing. | ||
| There's a wall. | ||
| Put your hands on it. | ||
| Hop over. | ||
| Can you do that? | ||
| I'm like, yeah, my shoulder feels pretty good. | ||
| And the second I went like that, I felt like lightning going down my shoulder. | ||
| And I was like, ah, fuck. | ||
| Right back to the fucking tuna canning and all that shit. | ||
| So I actually had a friend come over. | ||
| We were going to do it. | ||
| I said, you know what, dude? | ||
| I'll... | ||
| I owe you a fucking dinner or something. | ||
| I'm not doing this. | ||
| And I called up this guy that I knew who has a construction company. | ||
| I go, you got a couple of strong young guys that can just move this thing in there. | ||
| And I just had them do it. | ||
| And that's something that I'm pushing through where it helps me as a comic. | ||
| It also helps me deal with highly emotional shit because I can just shut shit off and just... | ||
| Do what I have to do. | ||
| Which works. | ||
| Like back in the day when you're going to do Letterman, which was fucking terrifying. | ||
| It's freezing cold. | ||
| And you just have to be like, fuck this. | ||
| It's just fucking people. | ||
| This is just a different shiny floor that's freaking me out. | ||
| And there's an icon sitting at that desk. | ||
| I had the tools to shut that off, which is great for that moment. | ||
| But it's terrible for the rest of your fucking life. | ||
| Like, there's shit that's, like, I just realized there's this shit in me that I needed to, that I have not dealt with. | ||
| Death of friends, all of that shit is just sitting in here. | ||
| And I think that's also like when... | ||
| People then go like, oh, hey, can you do this? | ||
| Oh, what the fuck? | ||
| Like, it's not all just that I'm not going to get what I want. | ||
| A lot of that is like, you got all of this shit that you're sitting on. | ||
| So you're sitting on all that and you haven't addressed it. | ||
| So then it just, the only way for the steam to come out is like for you to snap or whatever. | ||
| So, which is really not fair to the people around you, to be honest with you. | ||
| So, I don't know. | ||
| Have you gone to therapy? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| What about meditating? | ||
| You ever meditate? | ||
| Yeah, but I find the guy's voice is fucking annoying. | ||
| You don't have to listen to a guy. | ||
| He won't shut up. | ||
| Every time I'm getting there, he starts fucking talking again. | ||
| And then he's using this really soothing, caring voice that makes me face all of that shit that I didn't get growing up, which makes me angry at this person that's trying to help me. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Quarantine is not a bad thing. | ||
| For what it's worth, you're always fun to hang around with. | ||
| I always enjoy your company. | ||
| I don't have any issues with any of your crazy behavior. | ||
| Because I have a crushing need to be liked. | ||
| So I tone down my cuntiness when I'm around you. | ||
| Listen, my wife knows me. | ||
| Hang out with her one time. | ||
| She'll tell you some fucking stories. | ||
| I'm sure. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well, the you that I get, I like. | |
| If that helps you. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know the deal. | ||
| You don't know anybody until you live with them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Alright. | |
| You know? | ||
| I will not accept your compliments. | ||
| That's another part of my personality. | ||
| Who's the guy that's running the meditation app that's annoying you? | ||
| Do you know whose app you're using? | ||
| I don't want to put the guy on blast, but yeah, I do. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Let me know later. | ||
| And he's great. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's great at what he's doing. | |
| He's trying to help people. | ||
| I understand. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You should do it without an app. | ||
| Dude, I have a story. | ||
| I can't say what I said nowadays. | ||
| I can't say what I said, but I remember one time I was playing pickup hockey and I suck, right? | ||
| But I'm having a good time out there. | ||
| I'm just, you know, I'm out there trying to get a sweat going, right? | ||
| And, you know, I'm having my head down and we're playing no contacting because it was really my fault. | ||
| I had my head down and this guy fucking knocked me down on the other team. | ||
| And he goes, are you all right? | ||
| Yeah, what I said to that guy, I still fucking regret. | ||
| I was so mad at him that he was caring in that moment. | ||
| And that's one of those things. | ||
| It was like, what is wrong with me? | ||
| Wow. | ||
| You're really trying to come to grips with all this shit right now. | ||
| Yeah, because I don't want to pass this shit on to my kids. | ||
| That's what happens. | ||
| As they're growing up. | ||
| Yeah, when people are like... | ||
| If people say my kids are not like me, I'm like, good. | ||
| That's weird, but I do think that a lot. | ||
| If they're like, oh yeah, she's like, you know, happy-go-lo. | ||
| I'm like, great. | ||
| Like, I forget what somebody said one time about my daughter, because she's this angel, right? | ||
| And they made some sort of, you know, comic. | ||
| Made the comment, you know, thinking it was going to hurt me. | ||
| And I was like, yeah, dude, that's fucking music to my ears. | ||
| I don't want her to be like me. | ||
| Don't. | ||
| Do you think they were trying to hurt you when they said it? | ||
| No, it was one of those comic things where they don't have kids, and it was the guys, and they don't know what to say. | ||
| So then they gotta, like, make a fucking joke. | ||
| Like, I had a buddy of mine, a comedian, on my birthday. | ||
| He goes, hey, happy destroying your mother's uterus day. | ||
| And I just remember laughing, going like, oh, there's a guy who has to do a little more work than I have to. | ||
| Or you're just being funny. | ||
| I know, but I mean, I know what it is. | ||
| It was a Boston comic, and he couldn't just say, happy birthday, because that would be gay. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| So he has to go to so overcorrect that, has to go to that level. | ||
| It's so fucking stupid. | ||
| It's probably why guys die before women. | ||
| You hang on to shit, and there's all that stuff, you know? | ||
| Can't say you enjoy a sunset, Joe. | ||
| You can't do that. | ||
| Why can't you? | ||
| Shut up. | ||
| You know why. | ||
| I know you do. | ||
| I know, but the thing about you is you can also beat the shit out of most people in a fucking room. | ||
| So you got that. | ||
| So people can be like, oh, wow. | ||
| You know, they actually want to hear that from you. | ||
| When they see you spinning heel kick, they want to know that you enjoy a sunset. | ||
| Because if this guy's as angry as I am and can do all of that shit, what are my odds of getting out of here? | ||
| So you want to see that out of a guy like you. | ||
| But a guy like you don't want to see it. | ||
| Don't want to see you enjoying a sunset. | ||
| Joe, I don't read. | ||
| I don't fucking read it. | ||
| I don't know what it is. | ||
| I am too in here to understand me. | ||
| This is interesting, dog. | ||
| I have a very weird thing. | ||
| I have an alley of my personality that works that I somehow turned into a living. | ||
| But the rest of it looks like Fred Sanford's yard. | ||
| Old radiators and bed frames and shit. | ||
| It's a fucking mess. | ||
| It's interesting because I've never seen you this introspective where you're really trying to work it out. | ||
| You're really thinking about it more than I've ever seen you think about it before. | ||
| You've always joked around about it. | ||
| In all the years I've known you, it's always been a part of the things you talk about. | ||
| But it seems much more at the forefront of your consciousness right now. | ||
| It's something you really need to work on. | ||
| You really realize, I've got to fix this. | ||
| Yeah, I think it started last year doing the movie. | ||
| Oh, he brings back the movie. | ||
| There was a bunch of shit that I had to play that I never had to play before. | ||
| You want me to be a loud fucking asshole, I can do that. | ||
| But then all of a sudden, I had a lot of anxiety about a lot of the stuff. | ||
| My character had two kids, and the first time I meet the kids, it's classic acting, where it's just like, you just show up. | ||
| I remember I took this acting class... | ||
| This guy, Brendan Hughes, he was great. | ||
| He was talking about what it's like to go on a movie set. | ||
| It's how you have to have access to all these emotions because you're showing up. | ||
| And it's just like, okay, you're this guy, and this is your dad, and your mother just died. | ||
| And action. | ||
| And it's just like, what? | ||
| Because that's the way it goes. | ||
| It just goes real quick. | ||
| So I have to play like this. | ||
| So I got two kids here. | ||
| So the first day I met them... | ||
| We had to do the family photo. | ||
| They wanted to have one of those things in the background for a scene, so you have to... | ||
| And I'm sitting there going like, ah, fuck, you know, I gotta act like I love these kids the way I love my kids. | ||
| And that was really confronting for me as far as how I'm wired. | ||
| Well, fuck you, I don't need anybody. | ||
| So I had like a fucking panic attack before. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Even that thing, just being like, just that comic thing where you're just like, dude, I stand on stage, I do shit jokes for a fucking hour, you give the check and then I fucking leave. | ||
| I smoke a cigar, just fucking leave me alone, right? | ||
| And this thing here, it's like, no, you're now on a schedule. | ||
| Somebody tells you where you have to be. | ||
| So like, you know, I was like a cat on a leash all of a sudden, like, yeah, I have to be all these places. | ||
| So I was freaking out about that. | ||
| And then I had to do the picture with the kids. | ||
| So what I did was... | ||
| I just, I got myself into a really silly mood. | ||
| And I was deliberately, I was joking with all the other actors. | ||
| I was making fun of myself. | ||
| I was joking with anybody that had anything to do with the movie. | ||
| I got this really silly, stupid mood. | ||
| And I just, to get myself in that headspace. | ||
| And then I met them. | ||
| I started joking around about what I look like. | ||
| And this is what your dad looked like. | ||
| And then they started laughing. | ||
| So when they took the picture, we were actually laughing about a joke I was making about myself. | ||
| And then I looked at the pictures. | ||
| And they looked real. | ||
| They looked like I love these kids. | ||
| So, I got over that hurdle. | ||
| So, like, throughout the shoot, you know, obviously the shit yelling at Pete, it's like, I can fucking do that all day. | ||
| But all that other stuff, and it's like, okay, and, you know, Jeb would be like, okay, and then you meet Margie, and you're smitten. | ||
| And it's like smitten. | ||
| You know, I've never had... | ||
| I've been smitten in life, but I've never... | ||
| You know, as a comedian, I don't think you ever really go on stage. | ||
| And if you were to do something where you were smitten, you're making fun of that emotion and the stupid things that you do. | ||
| And it's like, no, we need you to play this real. | ||
| Like you really have just... | ||
| And I'm like, oh, so I'm like into her? | ||
| He goes, no, you're lovestruck, like a lightning bolt. | ||
| And I'm just like... | ||
| I don't know how to fucking do this. | ||
| I'm in my head. | ||
| This person's won an Oscar. | ||
| They're going to think I suck. | ||
| Just going through all of that shit. | ||
| So it took me probably two weeks on the film. | ||
| I was two weeks in. | ||
| They had shot enough of my shit where I was like, alright, they're not going to fire me. | ||
| I can kind of relax a little. | ||
| And then after that, I had a great time. | ||
| I had a fucking great time. | ||
| Best time I've had on any acting gigs. | ||
| And I've had a lot of fun throughout the years. | ||
| So I think that's what sort of started it. | ||
| And I was kind of like... | ||
| You know, trying to communicate it to my wife, and she doesn't know what I'm talking about. | ||
| She's like, you're doing a movie! | ||
| This is fucking great! | ||
| And she has access, you know, opposites attract, so she has access to all of that shit. | ||
| She's actually, you know, a fucking way better actor than I am and stuff, so she helps me out a lot. | ||
| So after those two weeks, I was able to chill, and then I had a great time, and I got over a bunch of hurdles, and I was kind of like, oh, this is like growing as a comic. | ||
| Where it's like, okay, I know how to do this as a comic. | ||
| What if I try to act something out? | ||
| Oh, that's not my safe space. | ||
| Now I start feeling like an open mic-er again. | ||
| They're not going to like me. | ||
| I'm not going to stop getting spots at the store. | ||
| Go home, live home with my parents. | ||
| I start doing that shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's a whole show going on up here, Joe. | ||
| Did you watch it after it was done? | ||
| Yeah, I watched the initial cut of it, and then I saw the vinyl version of it and everything. | ||
| Did you enjoy it? | ||
| Yeah, it's one of those things, you know everything that was there and wasn't there, especially with jokes. | ||
| There was some... | ||
| You know, there's always gonna be stuff that you, ah, God, I wish, why did they cut there? | ||
| I wish they put this in. | ||
| But, like, as far as, like, the movie itself, I loved it, how it worked, and the way they put it together. | ||
| And there's the opening scene that's in the movie, initially was in the middle of the movie, and somebody, Judd, I don't know who, came up with the brilliant idea to put that scene first, and it totally changed the tone of the movie, and that's when it, like, took off. | ||
| Because I saw a real raw cut, and it was like, this is a bunch of funny shit, Everybody I've ever talked to who edits a movie, when they watch their first cut in the movie, they're like, oh my god, I'm never going to work in this business again. | ||
| I just wasted my fucking... | ||
| I was actually talking to one of the actors who had directed one of my favorite movies, Trees Lounge. | ||
| Steve Buscemi made that movie, and he told this fucking hilarious story about the first cut that he watched of it. | ||
| He just went home like a zombie. | ||
| You know, like going, oh my God, like, how am I going to make... | ||
| And it's such a great movie by the time he was done editing it, but his first, like, look at it. | ||
| So that helped me out. | ||
| A guy as good as him having that type of thought. | ||
| I was just like, oh, jeez, I think that shit all the time. | ||
| You know, this guy's an icon. | ||
| If he thinks that, then this is normal. | ||
| So I was like, all right, I guess I'm kind of normal to think this shit. | ||
| So yeah. | ||
| So I think that started it. | ||
| And then I just kind of would have... | ||
| Just been happy to get through the movie. | ||
| And then that would have been it. | ||
| And then I had to be quarantined. | ||
| Oh, we all got quarantined. | ||
| I'm talking like myself. | ||
| Typical self-involved me. | ||
| Everybody's quarantined. | ||
| And then that just became me sitting around. | ||
| And I was like, I'm not watching TV because this is just going to... | ||
| Fucking make me feel like claustrophobic watching all this news and shit trying to be informed. | ||
| So I kind of went away from that. | ||
| And then I was just in the house with me just sitting there and everybody was asleep. | ||
| Just thinking. | ||
| Thinking. | ||
| But not in a bad way. | ||
| I don't think. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Well, it doesn't seem like it's a bad way. | ||
| It seems like you've isolated some of the things that you have a problem with that you need to work out. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, that's one great leap on the way to figuring it out is knowing what you're trying to work on. | ||
| Some people go their whole life not understanding what the fuck is wrong with them. | ||
| I'm jealous of those people. | ||
| I grew up with a lot of those people. | ||
| Those people watch TV all the time? | ||
| No. | ||
| They just... | ||
| They are who they are. | ||
| And they just fucking do that. | ||
| There is something... | ||
| I have actually... | ||
| It's so fucked up. | ||
| There's people... | ||
| Like, when I look at people that just do whatever the fuck they want to do, you know? | ||
| Like, who doesn't want to just fucking eat a large cheese pizza and then finish it off with a pint of ice cream? | ||
| Like, those people that do that, I know they pay for it, but there is something to be... | ||
| I'm reading this book right now on Bobby Lane, who was a quarterback... | ||
| For the Detroit Lions. | ||
| And there's all these legends. | ||
| His story is so legendary. | ||
| You don't even know where the legend is and where the truth is. | ||
| But like this guy, Art Donovan, used to tell a story about, you know, he was on the other team and he sacked him. | ||
| And, you know, he's getting up and Bobby breathed on him. | ||
| He goes, Jesus Christ, man, where the fuck did you go last night? | ||
| And Bobby allegedly said last night, he goes, I had a couple of pops at halftime. | ||
| These guys were fucking lunatics. | ||
| And he lived this life where he had this wide array of friends, really progressive, where he, through playing sports, he had African-American friends. | ||
| And if they were to go in someplace and they said, your friend can't come in, he goes, no, we're not fucking going in. | ||
| I mean, this guy was doing this in the 50s and 60s, right? | ||
| And he was always like that. | ||
| But he died at like 58 or 59. And it was hard for all of his friends to see him, you know, not being like the legend. | ||
| But there's a great part in the book where he's talking about his life. | ||
| And... | ||
| Like knowing that, you know, he probably should have gone easier. | ||
| But like this big smile came on his face that he kind of did it the way he wanted to. | ||
| Because believe me, dude, I would love to go home and kill a bottle of bourbon right now. | ||
| I would love to. | ||
| Smoke another fucking five of these fucking things. | ||
| But I got too many people dependent on me. | ||
| But there is something to be said about living. | ||
| You know those people, they just... | ||
| I like booze. | ||
| I like getting drunk. | ||
| If I want to do it every night, I'm fucking going to do it. | ||
| I live at home. | ||
| I want to get a pizza, I'm going to have a fucking pizza. | ||
| You do pay for it, but there is... | ||
| It made me think of like, well, what's that life like? | ||
| As opposed to being like, well, you know, I got to make sure I eat my Brussels sprouts and you kind of inch your way to death as opposed to just being like, fuck it. | ||
| Pizza tastes good. | ||
| I want a pizza. | ||
| Fuck it. | ||
| I'm having one. | ||
| Let's try every bourbon. | ||
| I love that in the Lemmy doc when he just had all those bottles of bourbon. | ||
| The greatest thing in the Lemmy thing is when those guys were saying, Lemmy goes, hey, you want some Jack Daniels? | ||
| They go, yeah. | ||
| And he takes a bottle down and then hands both of them their own bottle. | ||
| And they were like, what the fuck? | ||
| And he starts drinking out of this like he's having a Coke. | ||
| Dean Del Rey said something fucking hilarious about when he watched the Lemmy doc. | ||
| He goes, dude, if I saw that thing when I was in my 20s, and I knew Lemmy was going to live to be 70, he goes, I never would have stopped. | ||
| His last days were rough, though. | ||
| I think everybody's last days are rough, unless you drop dead. | ||
| But his last days on performing. | ||
| I mean, he basically performed until the wheels fell off. | ||
| There's a video of him, like one of the last shows that he did, where he had to walk off stage in the middle of his performance. | ||
| He was such a fucking badass. | ||
| Even like just the way he had the microphone, the way he would sing, where he just came in and the fucking bass was all low. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Can't teach that, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That kid was fucking in his DNA. Well, he lived it, that's for sure. | |
| And he is a legend. | ||
| And there's something to be said for that. | ||
| It's all what you put your energy to. | ||
| Yeah, it's kind of how you... | ||
| You know what it is? | ||
| It's the balls to live that life. | ||
| Yeah, indulgent and wild. | ||
| Yeah, where there's all this heroism to sobriety, which there is. | ||
| Being sober and just taking life in the face every day is fucking hard. | ||
| And I think to see somebody that has the balls, even with all this Surgeon General shit, as I'm sitting here smoking a fucking cigar, looking for a toothpick if you have one. | ||
| No. | ||
| No? | ||
| Toothpick? | ||
| Who's got that piece of stick right there? | ||
| You can turn that into a toothpick. | ||
| Yeah, but I can't fucking stick it in here. | ||
| This is why I had to stop cigars, because I'll smoke it right down on my fucking fingers. | ||
| Here. | ||
| Whittle that thing down. | ||
| Jesus Christ, Joe. | ||
| Give me that stick. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| Is that the way you're supposed to hand somebody a knife? | ||
| Well, I was gonna... | ||
| Oh, you were gonna do it? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't need you, Joe. | ||
| I don't need anybody. | ||
| Good luck. | ||
| You need a roach clip. | ||
| You want another cigar so you don't have to do that? | ||
| No, this is the best part. | ||
| That's the best part of the cigar? | ||
| Yeah, the smoke goes right to you. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| Okay. | ||
| I feel like I'm in therapy now. | ||
| I feel like I'm a therapist right now. | ||
| Listen, don't switch to kid glove tone with me, alright? | ||
| I'm just fucking around here. | ||
| I'm sorry, Bill. | ||
| See that? | ||
| Just trying to assess the situation. | ||
| Oh, are you? | ||
| Is that what your training has taught you? | ||
| You talk to all these whack jobs on your fucking podcast? | ||
| The Lemmy thing is, you know, that's one of the things that people love about him, right? | ||
| Because everybody knows you're supposed to eat well. | ||
| Everybody knows you're not supposed to get fucked up every night. | ||
| Everybody knows you're supposed to be responsible and mature and smart. | ||
| But what he did was just wild. | ||
| It didn't work? | ||
| No? | ||
| No, it's going to be slipping off the fucking thing. | ||
| Look at him there. | ||
| He was just wild. | ||
| Wild to the end. | ||
| And it worked. | ||
| Yeah, and I think you need people like that. | ||
| You do. | ||
| You do. | ||
| Because you can get a lot out of the way that they live where every once in a while you can be like, you know what, fuck this. | ||
| Let's be Lemmy today. | ||
| Yeah, you get great art out of those people too. | ||
| Those wild people, the Bukowskis and the Sam Kinisons and the Lemmys and the people that just fucking go hard. | ||
| There's something to that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's something to that too. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's also something to people that are stoic. | ||
| You know, what's interesting to me is just the range of people. | ||
| I can get things out of people that just drink water and meditate, and I'm fascinated by them. | ||
| I'm fascinated by people. | ||
| Like, I was watching some... | ||
| Do you know Russell Simmons? | ||
| He lives in like... | ||
| Where does he live in? | ||
| Like Bali or Indonesia or something like that? | ||
| He was doing an Instagram Live. | ||
| And he's doing it cross-legged with some crazy yoga shawl over his knees and shit. | ||
| It looked like an ashram. | ||
| And he's basically talking like a yogi in an ashram. | ||
| This guy was the head of Def Jam. | ||
| And he got really, really into yoga. | ||
| And now he lives in some country somewhere and just fucking does yoga. | ||
| I was doing Instagram Live talking to people, like a guru. | ||
| Yeah, I ain't gonna go that hard. | ||
| I'm not either. | ||
| I'll do a yoga. | ||
| I mean, I kind of do my own version of yoga, just shit that I've learned. | ||
| Do you do a little yoga? | ||
| I stretch all the time. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| I have to, because I, you know, you just get to a certain age. | ||
| If you don't, I mean, you know. | ||
| Yeah, I love stretching. | ||
| Yeah, you kind of got to do all of that shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So anyway, enough of that. | |
| You ever take a yoga class? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like hot yoga? | ||
| You ever do that? | ||
| I almost, I just felt like I couldn't breathe. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I remember too, also like my back was fucked up. | ||
| That's why I went to the class and the position she started out with, the twisting was happening too quickly. | ||
| So I kind of just went down to the mat and I was doing all the thing and the teacher got like all freaked out by it. | ||
| Really? | ||
| She's like, come on, you know, try to stay with the class. | ||
| You can't be like busting out all these different asanas. | ||
| And I just started fucking laughing where I was just thinking like, this is all supposed to be about listening to your body. | ||
| And you're literally, you're like the oil man in here trying to control. | ||
| This is your own little fucking economy. | ||
| And just the fact that I fuck, you're walking around like you got it all figured out. | ||
| You got 99% of people here all doing what the fuck you say and one guy goes down to his mat because his back is fucked up and you process it like I'm fucking with your authority in a yoga class. | ||
| So, with my broad brush, I said, fuck hot yoga. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| Yoga teachers like everything else. | ||
| Some of them you're gonna enjoy, some of them are gonna be really good at it, and some of them are gonna annoy the fuck out of you. | ||
| What annoys the fuck out of me is when they start giving you motivational advice and telling you how to live your life. | ||
| We've got to learn to let go of things. | ||
| Like for me, and then tell some personal story. | ||
| And so what I got out of that, like Jesus Christ, can we fucking move on here? | ||
| I didn't come here to hear your first grade. | ||
| I used to go to this one. | ||
| It was a great class. | ||
| It was a great class, but the dude, he had, it was fucking awesome. | ||
| After a while I would go, I was just psychologically breaking this guy down. | ||
| And something happened to him at a Gold's gym. | ||
| I don't know what happened to him. | ||
| He just was forever making fun of muscle heads. | ||
| And I was thinking, you know, because I've had the hybrid thing going on. | ||
| Like, you know, back before I fucked up my shoulder, I loved lifting weights. | ||
| I loved going to the gym and all that shit. | ||
| And I liked the energy in a gym. | ||
| You know, I liked it. | ||
| And the old school ones, right? | ||
| When the guys used to walk around with the towels tucked into their fucking, you know, that shit. | ||
| And he was forever shitting on it. | ||
| And then another thing that he would do was he would also somehow steer it toward like a subtle comment about lovemaking. | ||
| And the way to... | ||
| And he was putting out like... | ||
| His vibe that he was good in bed at the same time. | ||
| That's a yoga guy move. | ||
| You know, and he had the little ponytail and shit. | ||
| It was fucking... | ||
| No, it was like a Will Ferrell character. | ||
| It was fucking funny. | ||
| It was like... | ||
| This is like... | ||
| It was like a real-life Will Ferrell... | ||
| Like, just really, just like, I know everything kind of vibe. | ||
| He wasn't as bad as that, but it was just... | ||
| I get it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It was funny, though, and I used to sit there... | ||
| Yeah, this was like this dude in New York. | ||
| I remember it was fucking hilarious. | ||
| And what was hilarious was I was bad at yoga. | ||
| You're not supposed to even say that. | ||
| If you're doing it, man, you just, you know, wherever your body's at is where you're supposed to be, right? | ||
| And I just remember when he would walk around the class and he would adjust people. | ||
| He'd always skip me and then adjust some hot chick who was way more flexible than me. | ||
| And it's just like, really? | ||
| I'm doing it right as I'm sitting over here? | ||
| For some reason, I never needed an adjustment. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Of course. | |
| And this was like the 90s, so you could get away with this shit. | ||
| There was a lot of adjusting like this, almost cupping a titty and fucking shit on the hips and stuff. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Hey, God bless him. | ||
| It's like a Pied Piper. | ||
| You got all these hot chicks in there and you get them all stretched out before he banged them. | ||
| And it worked. | ||
| So I couldn't hate on him for that, but it was... | ||
| To get through the class, because I have such fucking ADD, I was just, there was like a comedy show going on within it, like, you know, like a house, and then I got a couple buddies, like, dude, you gotta go. | ||
| You know, we'll do, you know, like a bet when he's gonna shit, how many times he's gonna shit on the gym. | ||
| What does he say? | ||
| What would he say? | ||
| He would talk about the muscle heads coming in there, and they had no flexibility, and how everything was all overdeveloped. | ||
| We'd always been doing some fucked up pose or something, and he goes, this works on your psoas. | ||
| Like, what machine in the gym... | ||
| Is there a psoas machine? | ||
| I can't remember. | ||
| It was a long time ago. | ||
| At first it pissed me off. | ||
| It's just like, I like fucking doing curls. | ||
| What's wrong with curls? | ||
| And then it just became funny to me. | ||
| There's a specific type of guy that's like that. | ||
| I went to a yoga guy once who used to sing in classes. | ||
| He wound up banging this lady that was there. | ||
| Back in the day, you can't do it now. | ||
| There was a lot of banging back then. | ||
| This was like, I guess this was late 90s, early 2000s maybe. | ||
| And he would sing in class and it was so cheap. | ||
| It was so disingenuous. | ||
| Like you would do these yoga songs. | ||
| I'm like, you are so gross. | ||
| I'm glad I wasn't the only one. | ||
| No, yoga guys are famous for that. | ||
| But there was some really good ones that I found. | ||
| Oh, fuck you. | ||
| Yeah, there's some really good ones. | ||
| This is really, this guy I go to, I mean, you hear him talk, you think he's gonna be annoying. | ||
| He's got pierced nipples, the whole deal. | ||
| But he's really sincere. | ||
| He's really into it. | ||
| He's so gay. | ||
| He's so gay, it's like oozing when he talks. | ||
| But, you know, he's just so gay. | ||
| I already know what that means. | ||
| The way it's so gay. | ||
| Like, the way he talks, we're here. | ||
| We're here. | ||
| You're supposed to be here. | ||
| Let it go. | ||
| But that's who he is. | ||
| Like, he's comfortable. | ||
| He's who he is, and I love his class. | ||
| Well, that's the thing, is if it's genuine, then it becomes this great thing. | ||
| It's who he is. | ||
| It's like, whoever the fuck you are, if that's who you are, I like it. | ||
| I don't want you to try to sell me on who you are. | ||
| Like, the guy with the love-making talk. | ||
| That goes the last two hours of this podcast. | ||
| The selling you on who they are is where it gets really gross, pretending to be something they're not. | ||
| I mean, I like flaws. | ||
| It's good. | ||
| We all have them. | ||
| My favorite people are all flawed. | ||
| I don't mind. | ||
| And it's not even that that guy was flawed. | ||
| He was just... | ||
| Normally, you would think if a guy was talking like that, teaching a yoga class, this is not going to be fun. | ||
| But it was great. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's a lot of people that are really good at it, man. | ||
| It's just finding them, you know? | ||
| So the place that I go to, I just look at the schedule. | ||
| I'm like, oh, that's a good one. | ||
| I'll take her class. | ||
| I like him. | ||
| He's fun. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And there's this one dude, he had his weird tattoos. | ||
| Like, real strange. | ||
| It always has to be clean, too, because there's so much sweating going on. | ||
| I hate when you go, like those hot yoga classes, there's just no way to get this. | ||
| The floors were sweating. | ||
| Like, there's just no way to... | ||
| He's got to accept it. | ||
| It's so good for your body. | ||
| It's so good for your stretching, too, because you can get into positions when you're doing hot yoga that you're not going to get into, and it's like really stretching that tissue out and extending your range of motion. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| I'm a fucking evangelist for it, though. | ||
| I tell so many people to do it. | ||
| A lot of people have listened, but more people just get annoyed. | ||
| Well, I love that when you guys do the Sober October, you know, and I watch Segura and fucking Kreischer dry out, and like three weeks in, they start looking like movie stars and shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's always... | |
| Well, when we did the fitness one, we did one Sober October fitness challenge. | ||
| We all wore these straps and we had to compete to see who can get the most fitness points and stuff like that. | ||
| Ari got a fucking six pack. | ||
| Like, Ari got shredded. | ||
| Like, he doesn't even work out. | ||
| Before that, he was never working out. | ||
| And over the course of the month, by the end of the month, he had a legit six pack. | ||
| And he looked great. | ||
| But he's always pretty wiry, though. | ||
| Yeah, pretty thin. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He got fat at one point in time because he was eating nothing but candy. | ||
| He was literally eating candy all day long. | ||
| He always had a bag of gummy bears with him and shit like that. | ||
| I don't know if I still have the message. | ||
| When we're done with this, I got to play the message. | ||
| Him congratulating me on having a kid. | ||
| It's so arty. | ||
| It's so fucking funny. | ||
| But yeah, he dried out with that. | ||
| He never gained it back, but he never had that six-pack again. | ||
| He was shredded. | ||
| Because he was super competitive. | ||
| He was really trying to win. | ||
| It was really interesting. | ||
| It was interesting to watch. | ||
| And I liked how Burt would do it, too. | ||
| Where Burt would have like... | ||
| He would always have like a crazy build-up that was totally against... | ||
| He told me this story... | ||
| About him running the fucking LA Marathon and like drinking the night before. | ||
| It's just like, dude, you could have fucking died. | ||
| Not only that, he never really trained for it. | ||
| But he's mentally strong. | ||
| He just got himself from this mindset of put one foot in front of the other and I am not stopping until I get to the finish line. | ||
| 26 miles. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck. | |
| It's a fucking hell of a haul for a fat guy. | ||
| He did it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You won't catch me doing that. | ||
| No? | ||
| No marathon running? | ||
| No. | ||
| Do you ever run at all? | ||
| No, I used to ride a bike. | ||
| I did that for a while. | ||
| I got so into it. | ||
| I remember one time, I actually was drinking in the afternoon, and I still had to go on a bike ride. | ||
| I got on a bike, shit-faced. | ||
| It was sweating. | ||
| This was the 80s, too. | ||
| No helmet, no nothing, and just fucking rode like 12 miles. | ||
| And I never had heard the expression. | ||
| I never felt hitting a wall. | ||
| Like whatever the electrolytes or there was just nothing left. | ||
| And I was like six miles away. | ||
| This is the East Coast, so there's all kinds of hills and shit from my house. | ||
| And I was like, I don't think... | ||
| What am I going to do? | ||
| And there was no cell phones. | ||
| Like, what am I going to do? | ||
| So I just kept riding. | ||
| And then it was like this five-minute, like, I'm going to die. | ||
| I'm not going to get through this. | ||
| And then I just got to the other side where I think my body was just like, all right, there must be something... | ||
| Like, death must be chasing us, so we need to go into something else here. | ||
| And I pushed through into that. | ||
| That's what they say happens when you do those ultra-marathons. | ||
| Those people, they get to a point where they think there's no way they can keep going. | ||
| They're doing 100 miles, and they're 38 miles in, and they're ready to quit. | ||
| But they just manage to just keep left, right, left, right, left, right. | ||
| And eventually you get into a zone, and you cross the finish line. | ||
| 20 hours later. | ||
| Hey, God bless him. | ||
| Now that's, that I would just say, well that, you have all the people handing you cups of shit and you can just tap out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, you gotta eat. | |
| There's a lot of things you have to do in those, those 24 hour races, you have to eat. | ||
| Like you run dry, it's not like a regular marathon. | ||
| Yeah, no, I'm not. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Those triathlons. | ||
| Bill Burr, this has been a great therapy session. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| I'm excited about your movie. | ||
| F is for Family season four coming out tomorrow. | ||
| I don't know how you have time to do that. | ||
| How the fuck do you have time to do F is for Family as well as stand up, as well as all the other shit you do, play the drums? | ||
| Delegation. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You surround yourself with super talented people. | ||
| You do your job. | ||
| They do their job. | ||
| And you're able to do that. | ||
| I'm able to do it. | ||
| But I needed this break though. | ||
| I'm not going to lie to you. | ||
| I needed it too. | ||
| I didn't think I needed it. | ||
| I thought it was fine. | ||
| But now I am like fucking chomping at the bit to get back on stage. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Me too. | |
| I can't wait. | ||
| And I miss hearing people laughing and hanging with comics and hearing the crazy shit they say. | ||
| Next time I see you, I hope it's at the store. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Or the Troubadour. | ||
| The Troubadour. | ||
| Either one. | ||
| Either or. | ||
| I'm in. | ||
| Bill Burr, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| Thank you so much. | ||
| Bye, brother. |
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