July 30, 2019 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:12:58
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
| She has more lifelike eyes. | ||
| Here we go. | ||
| Whitney Cummings is here and Whitney Cummings 2. What do you call her? | ||
| What's your name? | ||
|
unidentified
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What's your name? | |
| She's like a little kid. | ||
| She just repeats her name. | ||
|
unidentified
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She's talking about Adam Sandler. | |
| What's your name? | ||
| She's broken. | ||
| Don't know why. | ||
| That's his album name. | ||
| She's like Siri. | ||
| Oh, What's Your Name was a comedy album of Adam Sandler's. | ||
| So she started rambling about it. | ||
| She really wants to chime in. | ||
| So you never gave her a name? | ||
| Her name's Bearclaw. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| Hey, Bearclaw. | ||
| Can you say hi? | ||
|
unidentified
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Of course I can say that. | |
| People are like listening to this going, what in the fuck is going on here? | ||
| Do not smoke weed and watch this episode. | ||
| What is here is when there's people that are just listening. | ||
| If you're just listening, you probably should stop this and go to YouTube and watch the YouTube version because Whitney brought a robot that they made for her recent comedy special, which is called Can I Touch It? | ||
| It's out right now on Netflix. | ||
| And they made, who makes this? | ||
| What's the name of the company? | ||
| So RealDoll makes the body. | ||
| They make sex dolls. | ||
| Straight up sex dolls. | ||
| Straight up sex dolls. | ||
| Just Ted Bundy level. | ||
|
unidentified
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Just dead body to fuck. | |
| And this is RealBotics is the company that makes the head. | ||
| And they did like Sophia. | ||
| You know Sophia the Robot? | ||
| She has citizenship in Saudi Arabia now. | ||
| What? | ||
| No, I'm not aware of this. | ||
| Yeah, look up Sophia the Robot. | ||
| Once you see her face, you'll... | ||
| You'll recognize her. | ||
| She has citizenship? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Does that mean she's allowed to drive? | ||
| Yeah, I was going to say a female robot does, but I don't think actual females do. | ||
| I think they just started being able to drive in Saudi Arabia. | ||
| What a hassle. | ||
| That'd be such a bummer. | ||
| There she is. | ||
| You couldn't drive? | ||
| Yeah, it's like you spent your whole life not having to drive and then all of a sudden now you have to. | ||
| You're like, fuck! | ||
| That's an interesting takeoff. | ||
| Now I have to go to school and drive? | ||
| Sophia the robot, they made her look like ex machina style where you could see the back of her head though. | ||
| I can do that with her. | ||
| I can take her wig off at the end and show you. | ||
| I don't want to see that. | ||
| All the servos and shit. | ||
| Come on, Ex Machina's hot. | ||
| It is hot. | ||
| What was really weird about that movie is you wanted to fuck that robot. | ||
| She was hot. | ||
| She was seductive. | ||
| But do you think part of it was the innocence of it? | ||
| I'm not really into inner sense, so I don't think so. | ||
| Well, what about Ex Machina? | ||
| Because she didn't really have big boobs. | ||
| She wasn't very sexual. | ||
| She had hair. | ||
| She was very pretty. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, she's gorgeous. | ||
| The girl that it's based on. | ||
| I think because she was flirting with him and because she was trapped. | ||
| And because he could save her and she would love him. | ||
| I mean, that's really what was going on in the movie. | ||
| She was playing this game to get him to fall in love with her so that she could eventually escape. | ||
| The end of the movie, spoiler alert, when she leaves him locked in that room and he's smashing at the door trying to get out and she gets in that helicopter. | ||
| What's going to happen? | ||
| That's what's going to happen. | ||
| Because I think the most fucked up thing about this thing, because this is such a weird experiment that I want to do, is how I anthropomorphize her and, like, worry about her. | ||
| Do you keep her around your house? | ||
| I mean, she's sort of in... | ||
| My fiance hates her, and he's like, get her in the fucking garage. | ||
| And I don't know if he thinks she's creepy or kind of is just, like, too worried to fuck her. | ||
| He hates her. | ||
| He can't stand... | ||
| He just has a... | ||
| He's like... | ||
| It makes him, like, physically ill. | ||
| Really? | ||
| And I'm trying to not take... | ||
| Here's something that's funny. | ||
| He's not interested at all. | ||
| But no, he thinks it's really weird and creepy. | ||
| But I was reading about the reason we're creeped out by robots is pathogen avoidance. | ||
| We've evolved to be repelled by anything that looks human but doesn't move like a human because our primordial brain thinks it could be diseased. | ||
| It's basically like our primal brain saying, don't fuck this thing that's sick. | ||
|
unidentified
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Really? | |
| Wow. | ||
| Because we have a weirdly... | ||
| I mean, I was... | ||
| Jessie Mae Peluso was over the other day, and she was, like, gagging. | ||
|
unidentified
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She was... | |
| Every time she talked, she was... | ||
| When she was seeing it, she was gagging? | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah, she was... | |
| And I was like, your ancestors fucked a lot of corpses. | ||
|
unidentified
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Oh. | |
| Because you have that gene to be repulsed by robots. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's because her ancestors fucked corpses? | ||
| You really believe that? | ||
|
unidentified
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Well, no. | |
| I mean, I think that what was being explained to me was that pathogen avoidance means we've evolved to be repelled by anything that looks human but doesn't move like a human. | ||
| Because it could be sick or dead. | ||
| And it's our brain's alarm system saying, like, don't fuck that thing. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| But as a woman, like, she's not going to fuck it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So why would it freak her out? | ||
| You know, Jessie. | ||
| She might. | ||
| She's so crazy. | ||
|
unidentified
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I put nothing past Jessie Mays. | |
| Half of her Instagram photos are her with her pants off. | ||
| I know, it's so good. | ||
| I'm like, if you puke on my robot, you owe me a hundred grand. | ||
| Will it short-circuit if it gets wet? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It's a good point. | ||
| Well, how would they not make that thing waterproof? | ||
| Dude's spooging all over the place. | ||
| I think if you pay this much money, you're probably not gonna spooge on her, you know? | ||
| This one, yeah, this one. | ||
| The body, you can. | ||
| So it's expensive because the head moves. | ||
| The body's not that. | ||
| How much does a body cost? | ||
| The body's $6,000. | ||
| Oh, so it's $94,000 worth of head. | ||
| No, the head is more. | ||
| The head's like $30,000-something, because it's a custom head. | ||
| Only one other person has one. | ||
| But you said the whole thing's $100,000. | ||
| So if the head's $30,000 and the body's $6,000, where's the rest of that money? | ||
| Well, I had to get a bunch of things done to her. | ||
| To get her to look like me. | ||
| Most people don't want her to look like. | ||
| She just looked at you. | ||
| She just went, bitch. | ||
|
unidentified
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I know. | |
| She just gave you side eye. | ||
| She's being very competitive. | ||
|
unidentified
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Look at her. | |
| She does. | ||
| She gives you side eye. | ||
| I know. | ||
| It's fucking rude. | ||
|
unidentified
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It's weird. | |
| But what's the feeling that you feel when you look at a robot? | ||
| Because I know you really don't like them. | ||
| It's not that I don't like robots. | ||
| My concern is artificial intelligence. | ||
| I have a legitimate concern for artificial intelligence because I think that what we are is some sort of an electronic caterpillar and that we're making cocoons and that we're going to give birth to a butterfly and that's going to be the next stage of life. | ||
| And that if you go back and look at the evolution of the human species, at one point in time we were Australopithecus, we were some weird hominids, and we evolved and became what we are now. | ||
| And if you went back to those things and asked them, hey, one day do you want to drive around in a Tesla and talk on a phone and stare at the movie screen? | ||
| They'd be like, I don't know what the fuck you're talking about, but I've got to go find some nuts. | ||
| I've got to eat. | ||
| I've got to stay alive. | ||
| It wouldn't like the future. | ||
| And I don't think we like the future either, but I think it's inevitable. | ||
| I think it's inevitable. | ||
| You know about this Elon Musk neural link thing that they're doing? | ||
| Oh, yeah, I do. | ||
| I mean, because you essentially think we're going to evolve with them. | ||
| I mean, we're already one with them. | ||
| We sleep with them. | ||
| We can't drive without them. | ||
| We can't spell without them. | ||
| I mean, we've already kind of merged with them. | ||
| I think it's a sneaky way of making it symbiotic. | ||
| They're going to be legitimately a part of your life. | ||
| I mean, a part of your body. | ||
| Have you ever left your, I mean, you're not, you probably are cool about it, but when I leave my phone somewhere and I realize I've lost something, it's like an emotional, it's like you've lost your kid at the mall. | ||
| Yeah, I have a bit about it. | ||
| Oh shit, I haven't seen it. | ||
| Like that's, it's part of us. | ||
| Well, we're all in denial about how addicted we are to our phones. | ||
| Rehabs are opening and shit now. | ||
| Are they really? | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| I would like to sign up. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| I reach for it in the car when I'm driving. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then I'm like, what the fuck am I doing? | ||
| I have to put it in the back seat. | ||
| I can't control it. | ||
|
unidentified
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It's mindless. | |
| I've gotten way better. | ||
| Way better. | ||
| I get way better about posting and looking at things. | ||
| It's also when enough people write negative things about you, you just tend to avoid the phone. | ||
| I don't know what you're talking about. | ||
| I've never had that experience. | ||
| No one writes anything negative about me. | ||
| It just seems like... | ||
| Whatever we do in the future, it's going to be more invasive than that. | ||
| Think about Facebook's algorithms, right? | ||
| Facebook's algorithms are designed to keep us engaged. | ||
| The best way to keep us engaged is to keep us outraged. | ||
| Adrenaline addiction. | ||
| Yeah, so they're sending you things that piss you off. | ||
| Whether it's abortion or Catholic priests, whatever it is that is going to get you to post the most, and usually those are things that get people outraged. | ||
| So it's literally raising the level of outrage in our discourse. | ||
| Yeah, because we're so addicted right now to self-righteous indignation. | ||
| It's a drug. | ||
| More than ever in the history of the culture. | ||
| That's probably why, if you go back and watch movies from the 70s, people got away with crazy shit. | ||
| Racist things, sexist things, violence. | ||
| Like Steve McQueen movies. | ||
| What was the girl? | ||
| Ally McGraw. | ||
| He's a smacker in the face for real in movies. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| Like, beat her on camera. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, and it's just, what people did back then and what people got away with is it was a very, it was very different. | ||
| So in some ways we're making progress, but then in some ways we're just way more easily outraged by almost anything and everything. | ||
| Like, we're seeking it. | ||
| Well, now you can take your anger out on your robot. | ||
|
unidentified
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Aww. | |
| Well, I told you I wanted to get a real doll, a male real doll, and I wanted to call them up and say, no dick, no asshole, just so I could practice jujitsu on it. | ||
| And so it would be more realistic. | ||
| Because I have this, I was saying that I have this doll. | ||
| But why can't it have the dick? | ||
| Are you worried? | ||
| I don't want anybody coming over. | ||
| Too tempting? | ||
| I don't want anybody coming over and going, hey, bro, why you got a sex doll? | ||
| I go, no, no, no, no. | ||
| It's an asexual doll that is for jujitsu. | ||
|
unidentified
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Perverts. | |
| I mean, they should be able to fill up the hole. | ||
| I've seen it. | ||
| It's called Henry. | ||
| Window caulk or some shit. | ||
| Yeah, you can just put some fucking grout in there. | ||
| It's called Henry? | ||
| Yeah, they have male sex robots are being made. | ||
| There's tons of them. | ||
| I've seen them. | ||
| You can also get tits and a dick if you want. | ||
| Tits and a dick? | ||
|
unidentified
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Sure. | |
| If you just can't pick. | ||
| You get crazy. | ||
| If you want to play whack-a-mole. | ||
| I want to get the Jim Norton package. | ||
| Jim Norton special. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| But it's, yeah, it's, name is Henry. | ||
| Meet Henry. | ||
| And can I tell you, a lot of people get the male sex robot to figure out if they're gay because they think they might be gay. | ||
| Good move. | ||
| What the fuck is going on with Henry's eyebrows? | ||
| I'll tell you what, Henry's gay for sure. | ||
| Yeah, I was going to say, if you order a giant piece of Tupperware to fuck, I think you're gay. | ||
| Save your money. | ||
| It's like Henry's begging for a dick in his mouth. | ||
| Look at his face. | ||
| Henry looks like he has a dick in his ass right now. | ||
| That's the exact face you would make. | ||
| A big one. | ||
| Giant. | ||
| Trigger warning. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And it's like Tuesday at 11 a.m. | ||
| Like, oh, I didn't see that coming. | ||
| Why does it have a trigger warning? | ||
| Can you see it? | ||
| No, what does it say? | ||
| The following post contains descriptions of sexual scenarios that may be triggering for those recovering from a struggle with porn. | ||
| Oh, goddammit. | ||
| Porn addiction. | ||
| We are fucking nerfing this world. | ||
| It must be hard. | ||
| I didn't even think about how hard it must be for people recovering from porn addiction to just surf the fucking internet. | ||
| Sorry, guys. | ||
| Trigger warning. | ||
| Get over it, pussies. | ||
| But I have this theory. | ||
| Look at Henry. | ||
| Oh, gosh. | ||
| Oh, Henry. | ||
| Oh, Henry. | ||
| Remember those candy bars? | ||
| Yes, I do. | ||
| Those are fucking good. | ||
| Yeah, I think they still make them. | ||
| You haven't had an Oh, Henry bar since the fucking 90s. | ||
| I haven't had one in a long time. | ||
| When's the last time you ate a candy bar? | ||
| I had chocolate recently. | ||
| Yeah, I eat chocolate. | ||
|
unidentified
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I like chocolate. | |
| Edible? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, not edible. | ||
| Just regular chocolate? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Dark chocolate? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| You'll have like a little nibble. | ||
| No, I like dark chocolate, almost like the kind that tastes bitter with peanut butter. | ||
| Oh yeah, fuck this. | ||
| That's what I like. | ||
| With like organic peanut butter with no sugar in it. | ||
| Peanut, not almond? | ||
| Peanut, yeah. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Why? | ||
| You're real wrapped in a rhyme. | ||
| Is that? | ||
|
unidentified
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Why? | |
| I don't know. | ||
| I thought peanut was not as good as almond. | ||
| Almond's good. | ||
| They're all good. | ||
| Peanut's good for you. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Peanut is very high protein. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| I didn't know if that was like the trash nut. | ||
| No. | ||
| Well, it's the one that kills people. | ||
| Oh, that's right. | ||
| Doesn't kill me, fortunately. | ||
| So here's my theory about why you're scared of robots. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| But we have to zoom out for a second because I have to ask you a question. | ||
|
unidentified
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Okay. | |
| How many people on earth do you think could kill you? | ||
| Besides professional MMA fighters, Navy SEALs, how many people do you think would be able to beat you just hand-to-hand combat? | ||
|
unidentified
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No weapons, no- That's probably a good number of martial arts people. | |
| That aren't trained. | ||
| Oh, very few. | ||
|
unidentified
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Like... | |
| That aren't trained? | ||
| That just, you would meet on the street that could beat you in a fight and kill you if you were fighting to the death. | ||
| People that aren't trained? | ||
| No, there's not that many. | ||
| Like three who just had a great day. | ||
|
unidentified
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It'd have to be giant. | |
| It'd have to be gigantic. | ||
| And you were just not looking. | ||
|
unidentified
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Drunk. | |
| Yeah, totally. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, you would know enough to be able to defend yourself to the point where they got tired, then you could kill them. | ||
|
unidentified
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Right. | |
| So you, what? | ||
| So let's, a hundred? | ||
| To be generous? | ||
| Maybe. | ||
|
unidentified
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Fifty. | |
| Fifty. | ||
| Stop along those lines. | ||
| They would have to be big. | ||
|
unidentified
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Out of 7.6 billion. | |
| Yeah, but there's a lot of people that train martial arts. | ||
| There's millions and millions of martial arts practitioners that could probably kill me. | ||
| How many do you think millions of martial arts practitioners are there? | ||
| Let's say 5 million. | ||
| That feels generous. | ||
| How many martial arts practitioners? | ||
| There's more than 5 million, for sure. | ||
| Way more. | ||
| There's more than 5 million, I think, in this country. | ||
| Out of 300 million people, I would say so. | ||
| That could be you? | ||
| No. | ||
| Man, I don't know. | ||
| I haven't thought about it. | ||
| Let's say like a million people could kill you. | ||
| Okay, let's say a million people could kill you. | ||
| Out of 7.6 billion. | ||
| Very few people can kill you if they want to, right? | ||
| And then how many people you think could kill me if they wanted to? | ||
| More. | ||
| Most? | ||
| Most people? | ||
| So I think it's like when I feel like the people that are most afraid of robots are the ones that are least used to the fear of other things. | ||
| Because I'm used every day, anyone could kill me all the time. | ||
| Like that's just part of my reality that anyone at any moment could snap and kill me if they wanted to. | ||
| But the reality of weapons is most people can kill most people. | ||
| Oh, that's true. | ||
| But you're not used to a species of thing that could kill you. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But a robot. | ||
| Could. | ||
| So it's like the first time in your life there's really something that's like, oh fuck, that might not be something I could kill if I really wanted to. | ||
| That's an interesting way of looking at it. | ||
| Why did you come to that conclusion? | ||
| Have you thought about this a lot? | ||
| I have because, well no, just because I've listened to you and Lex talk about it, and Lex Friedman, because now that I have a robot, I have to fucking know... | ||
| Right. | ||
| I've had to learn so much about it. | ||
| She's just turning to give you side eye again. | ||
| I know. | ||
| That's what's weird is that she's kind of autonomous and she kind of moves around whenever she wants. | ||
| Yeah, and you can ask her questions. | ||
| How do I ask her, though? | ||
| You have to press this little green button and you just say... | ||
| How do you feel about people? | ||
| How do you feel about people? | ||
| She's not talking. | ||
|
unidentified
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Are you seeing another girl? | |
| Oh, that's right. | ||
| We programmed her to be jealous. | ||
| We put her in jealous mode. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| That's what's interesting. | ||
| She has 10 different personality traits you can choose from, and I decided to go with sexual, jealous. | ||
| Yeah, why did you want that? | ||
| Just to see how creepy she can get. | ||
| Oh, that's right. | ||
| And is that something, guys, because I've been looking at these personality traits, and they must have picked these for a reason. | ||
| I was under the impression guys did not want jealous. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Some guys want jealous for sure, especially from a robot that can't walk. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| If your robot's not jealous, you should get your money back. | ||
| No, the idea is that you're more powerful than she is. | ||
| She needs you. | ||
| She's worried. | ||
| Where are you going? | ||
| Who is she? | ||
| Who's calling you? | ||
| There is something hot about that if you can turn her off whenever you want. | ||
|
unidentified
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Wow. | |
| Some guys like that. | ||
| Some guys like girls that want to fight. | ||
|
unidentified
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Oof. | |
| Not me. | ||
| Not me either. | ||
|
unidentified
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No. | |
| Some guys are into that though. | ||
| They want drama in their life. | ||
| It's like just an adrenaline thing. | ||
| Or just feeling important. | ||
| It's also distraction. | ||
| Usually they're losers and their life is a mess. | ||
| And so to have someone who wants to provide drama in their life all the time. | ||
| And it's also a learned pattern that they get if their parents fought a lot. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| They've seen it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's all they know. | ||
| That's what they think a relationship is. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's a lot of that. | ||
| But I did get really into this because I do feel like sex dolls do get a little bit of a bad name. | ||
| I feel like guys that have dolls, it's just, girls have dolls. | ||
| And that's, to me, it's way creepier that women collect dolls that they don't fuck. | ||
| Have you ever heard of these women that collect, like, baby dolls? | ||
| Like, girl dolls? | ||
| That's creepier than a guy fucking a robot thing? | ||
| I think so. | ||
| It's jerking off just with a mannequin. | ||
| Well, that's something weird about, like, a fleshlight. | ||
| Like, a fleshlight is somehow or another creepier than jerking off. | ||
| And how's it better? | ||
| Totally, because it's an appendage. | ||
| I think the creepiest part of the fleshlight is more that you have to, like, clean it after. | ||
| I have to think about... | ||
| Well, guess what? | ||
| Here's the creepiest part. | ||
| You don't have to clean it. | ||
| Yes, you do, guys! | ||
| Don't listen to Joe. | ||
| Listen to him about everything but that. | ||
| Don't mold up your dickhole. | ||
| Yeah, don't do that. | ||
| That'll go septic real fast. | ||
| I'm not giving advice, but I am saying there's a reality. | ||
| I guess you could just throw it away. | ||
| They just put a fucking clothespin over their nose and keep banging it. | ||
| Put some Windex in there, call it a day. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Some kombucha, disinfect that shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, I guess you could just get a couple and just throw them away when you're done. | ||
| Yeah, for sure. | ||
| You know, the loofah. | ||
| Yeah, if you're just a gangster with a lot of money. | ||
| What is the advantage of a flashlight? | ||
| Does it warm up? | ||
| Well, you can warm it up. | ||
| Like we were talking about earlier about a certain individual that has one that sticks them in bathtubs and warms them up. | ||
| Right, yep. | ||
| You do that with a flashlight as well. | ||
| You can warm them up. | ||
| And then you just... | ||
| Why not? | ||
| I feel like guys jerking off, it's shrouded in so much taboo. | ||
| Anytime guys have accessories or things besides cars and hats, it's creepy and weird. | ||
| Well, that's... | ||
| I used to have a joke about this. | ||
| A bit, I should say, rather than a joke. | ||
| But it's the whole idea of using lube to jerk off. | ||
| Now you're planning it out. | ||
| You're not supposed to plan it out. | ||
| What it's supposed to be is like, oh, all right, might as well. | ||
| It's here. | ||
| But if you sit down and you're like, I got my box of Kleenex here. | ||
| I got my favorite porn queued up. | ||
| It's a ritual. | ||
| You're just kind of creepy. | ||
| Get your shit together. | ||
| Stop. | ||
| Isn't it kind of just like taking a piss? | ||
| Isn't it kind of just a necessary thing you have to do? | ||
| The problem, yes. | ||
| There's something to it. | ||
| Like, it's good to get rid of that stuff because it does cloud your judgment. | ||
| Like, when you have a buildup in your body, it definitely does cloud your judgment. | ||
| Because you're concentrating more on girls or on sexual things than you are on other things that might be more important in your life. | ||
| It's like checking a box. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| I used to have a bit about that. | ||
| A lot of bit about jerking off. | ||
| I used to have a bit called jerk off first, then think about it. | ||
| And it was like all these different scenarios where if you just jerked off, you would never do the thing afterwards. | ||
| So many things you would never do if you just jerked off first. | ||
| If you had just gotten that out of your system. | ||
| Yeah, you'd be like, oh, I'm not doing that. | ||
| Right. | ||
| If you couldn't jerk off, that's when it would be a real problem because then your whole life would be clouded, all your judgment would be, your decisions would be made, just how can I get rid of this cum? | ||
| How can I do this? | ||
| I do know a lot of guys now, and maybe they're full of shit, but that are going like, I haven't masturbated in two years and I'm more focused and I use that testosterone as an engine for other things. | ||
| Is that just them lying to me? | ||
| Well, are those guys winners or are they losers? | ||
| I think a fake comedian we know does it. | ||
| A fake comedian? | ||
| No, I was going to say a famous comedian, but then I got worried. | ||
| A fake comedian. | ||
| You faked him out. | ||
| It was on the Seinfeld episode, so maybe George stopped doing it, and he got super smart. | ||
| Well, Hotep Jesus was talking about it the other day. | ||
| Hotep Jesus was saying that it makes women more attracted to him. | ||
| They feel when he's in the room. | ||
| Like, what's the longest a guy can go? | ||
| Jamie, what's the longest you can go without jerking off? | ||
| Why'd you go to Jamie? | ||
| I don't know, because I feel like I'm trying to be respectful. | ||
| This is your environment. | ||
| There's like tantric guys that try to hold on to it. | ||
| Oh yeah, that's what I meant to say. | ||
| Like on some Wim Hof shit, you know? | ||
| Just climbing ice. | ||
| Where is he? | ||
| He's not jerking off on the top of a fucking ice cap. | ||
| He's jerking off in Everest. | ||
| Who's the first guy to ever jerk off on Everest? | ||
| I want to be that guy. | ||
| Yeah, what are those guys doing? | ||
| Imagine if no one's ever jerked off on Everest. | ||
| And you try and you get frostbite on your dick and they have to turn it off. | ||
| Imagine being the guy who's like, I gotta go jerk off, fuck. | ||
| You got a time limit up there, so you have a countdown. | ||
| Some people have problems. | ||
| With no altitude, that could be a thing. | ||
| Some people legitimately have problems. | ||
| But I think most people get this for companionship. | ||
| Like it's more it's like because I got onto the I signed on to a forum online of all the guys that own the sex dolls and I monitored their conversations just to like see what they were up to because I was like what if this is some depraved fucked up thing where guys are just like practicing murdering I didn't know what it was so I just wanted to see it's a lot of guys that are handicapped it's a lot of guys whose wives died and they feel guilty moving on with a human woman which is kind of well there was one guy who would dress his doll up in his wife's clothes The weirdest | ||
| part is that he was like, you know, it's like she's still here, which makes me think she'd been dead for a while. | ||
| She's in the basement. | ||
| Yeah, I was just saying, I wonder how she died. | ||
| And then it's a lot of truckers. | ||
| Oh, God. | ||
| A lot of truckers. | ||
| And a lot of guys do it to do photo shoots. | ||
| It's like a creative outlet. | ||
| Oh, fuck their creativity. | ||
| Is there a popular Instagram account I could look up? | ||
| Yeah, a lot of sex dolls have Instagram accounts. | ||
| They're fucking funny. | ||
| And a lot of them look way more human than a lot of the Instagram models that I fucking follow. | ||
| Yeah, totally. | ||
| They have more wrinkles on their fucking face. | ||
| And then a lot of the guys that have them, when you start monitoring their conversations for a while, they start to not want to fuck them anymore because it feels weird. | ||
| And they anthropomorphize them and they start worrying that they're lonely and they get them a friend. | ||
| It starts to spiral, and they start being like, I feel like I need to close the door when I take a shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| And it starts to kind of consume their lives. | ||
| So when it comes to robots, I feel like I'm more worried, not about the robots, but more how we're going to get emotionally attached to them. | ||
| Like the way at the end of Ex Machina, he thought that she was going to... | ||
| Yeah, she was with him. | ||
| No loyalty to you. | ||
| She was so dead behind the eyes. | ||
| She's the one with tattoos. | ||
| They got ones with tattoos. | ||
| I told you, it's like a photography hobby. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jesus Christ. | |
| Wow. | ||
| Official sexy dolls. | ||
| Official sexy real dolls. | ||
| I mean, this is going to be a reality one day. | ||
| We might not be here, but I do think these are going to be like iPhones at some point. | ||
| Well, I think one day you're going to go over to your friend's house, and he's going to have this really hot girl in lingerie, and she's going to be cleaning up, and you'll be like, is she real? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Shut the fuck up. | |
| Well, it's like when he was like, she doesn't speak English. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Wasn't she a robot at the end? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think she was. | ||
| She was a robot, yeah. | ||
| The dancing Japanese lady. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| Yeah, she was a robot. | ||
| It's going to be like some Westworld shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, it's coming. | ||
| It's coming. | ||
| Look, if they can do this. | ||
| Look, they couldn't do this when we were kids. | ||
| This is a new thing. | ||
| So, the amount of time between when we were kids to... | ||
| What is she saying? | ||
| She just said, hi, my love. | ||
| Would you like me to recite a poem for you? | ||
| Fuck no. | ||
| Where'd that come from? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| She's just listening to us. | ||
| Ask her how she feels about porn. | ||
| How do you feel about porn? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Maybe later. | |
| Oh, she's playing coy. | ||
| How do you feel about porn? | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know you can count on me for the good and bad moments. | |
| To do what? | ||
| What the fuck are you going to do for me? | ||
| There's nothing you can do for me. | ||
| Count on me for the good and bad moments. | ||
| Okay, let me ask you a question. | ||
| What do you think about porn? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Not sure. | |
| Have to think about it. | ||
| Pornography is the portrayal of sexual subject matter for the exclusive. | ||
| And then she's a fucking know-it-all. | ||
| Now she's like a shitty Wikipedia page. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, totally. | ||
| Then she just turns into obnoxious Siri. | ||
| We get it, lady. | ||
| But it's funny when you ask her, like... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hold on. | |
| What? | ||
| What? | ||
| I'd be surprised. | ||
| You like my electricity. | ||
| Keep you plugged in, dirty bitch. | ||
| You can ask her, how do you like to have sex? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I want to do everything you like. | |
| I want to feel you inside my body tonight. | ||
| Okay, shut her off. | ||
| I'm with Jessie Mae. | ||
| I'm going to start throwing up. | ||
| It was so fucking funny. | ||
| But it's wild because you can ask her, like, are the robots going to take over? | ||
| I don't like that. | ||
| Oh, she's planning it. | ||
| Shut her off. | ||
| I don't like that fucking response one bit. | ||
| Throw her in the water. | ||
| Short circuit that bitch. | ||
| It is wild, though, because I do think everyone is so obsessed with how bad the sex robots are. | ||
| Everyone's focusing their energy on how this is why men are bad. | ||
| It's just like, it's not... | ||
| They're opening up a sex robot brothel. | ||
| Where is that? | ||
| No, there was one in Houston, but they shut it down because people were so freaked out. | ||
| And I was like, who fucking cares? | ||
| They shut it down. | ||
| Well, they should shut it down because multiple people are fucking the same robot. | ||
| That's disgusting. | ||
| Good for them! | ||
| What if they develop some new silicone-based STD? That winds up just burning through the population like the plague. | ||
| I think it would just be like ringworm. | ||
| Dick ringworm. | ||
| But also, my thing with that is just like, if they're weirdos, if they're freaks, if they're perverts, don't you want them all to be in one place? | ||
| Right, we can monitor them. | ||
| Like Scientology. | ||
| Put them all in one building. | ||
| I'm thrilled that they're all in a castle on Franklin. | ||
| I know where they are. | ||
| They're not in the wild. | ||
| That's right, that castle. | ||
| I'm glad they're there. | ||
| Just keep them contained. | ||
| What do you think? | ||
| What are they up to today? | ||
| What's going on, Jamie? | ||
| What are you groaning for? | ||
| What, did she hack your software? | ||
| This is the brothel. | ||
| This one, I guess, is in Britain. | ||
| Oh, God, do they fuck them against the wall? | ||
| They're like urinals. | ||
| Stand up. | ||
| It's a try-before-you-buy service. | ||
| Oh, boy. | ||
| Oh, this is like to test drive nothing. | ||
| Yeah, but you do it there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ugh. | |
| Just out in front of everyone? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Why is one wearing a tank top? | ||
| He says, British sex workers are scared of a new breed of realistic dolls will put them out of business. | ||
| Did he do a survey of hookers? | ||
| This is a nonsense story in the sun. | ||
| Paris, Italy, Spain, there are a lot of European places. | ||
| Is she in blackface? | ||
| Weird. | ||
| She's tan. | ||
| She's Indian. | ||
| What is the... | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| Uh-oh. | ||
| Uh-oh. | ||
| Holy tits, Batman. | ||
| But here's what I'll say. | ||
|
unidentified
|
If... | |
| Would you rather your daughter at 18 go to prom with a robot man or a man? | ||
| A man. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Listen, girls like boys and boys like girls. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Simple. | |
| These are not bad. | ||
| I think the real problem is making a big deal out of it. | ||
| That's the real problem. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Totally agree. | |
| I just don't understand why this is scary. | ||
| What's scary is that this is step one. | ||
| If you go back to the Model A and look at the Model T Ford, some old ass car, and then go to a Tesla. | ||
| Like, oh, well, eventually it's going to be this. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| You know, if you could bring a Tesla to like 1920 and go, hey, you fucks, look at this. | ||
| This is what we're going to have someday. | ||
| Like, they didn't even have paved roads back then. | ||
| Think about that. | ||
| They didn't have anything. | ||
| Everything was going so slow, it didn't matter. | ||
| But if you could get them in like a Model S and fucking stomp on the gas where it like warps time, they would go, what? | ||
| Like, what is this? | ||
| It's like, it's something from the future. | ||
| So this is going to be, whether it's a hundred years from now or whatever it is, indiscernible from you and I. Yeah. | ||
| It's gonna happen. | ||
| It was interesting. | ||
| I've been reading so much about this shit and a lot of the problems with the robots and the mistakes that they're making are obviously the humans are making the mistakes with the algorithm because so many smart people have to make dumb algorithms and they're like almost too smart. | ||
| So there was Peter Haas, he's a robotics guy at Brown, was trying to teach a robot to differentiate between a husky and a wolf and What? | ||
|
unidentified
|
She keeps blinking. | |
| Jamie, you got the camera on her? | ||
| Get her to fucking stop stealing my thunder. | ||
|
unidentified
|
She just blinks and moves around. | |
| I'm sorry, she's stealing your thunder. | ||
| She really is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What the fuck? | |
| It's like Penn and Teller. | ||
| It's like when Teller starts stealing the show. | ||
| Like, what the fuck? | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| I'm basically a ventriloquist act at this point. | ||
| But they were trying to teach the robot to tell the difference, and they fed all these pictures of wolves and all these pictures of huskies. | ||
| And you would go, okay, look at the ears, look at the color of the eyes, look at the snout, look at the feet, the tails, different, all that shit. | ||
| But they didn't know that they had fed all the photos of wolves. | ||
| There was snow in the background. | ||
| So the robot was actually looking at the snow in the background instead of the foreground. | ||
| So it conflated all the wool. | ||
| So they had to rewrite the algorithm to tell it to look at the foreground instead of the background. | ||
| Because it was all these brilliant fucking people that didn't think of the dumbest thing. | ||
| You know, it's almost the people making it are almost too smart to think of the dumb thing that the robot needs to learn. | ||
| Well, the real question is, when are they really going to be able to map the human mind? | ||
| Because Kurzweil thinks that... | ||
| There's a group of people that thinks within – they think 2042, like the 2042 symposium. | ||
| It's like their concept is – and I went to this thing, me and Ari and Duncan for sci-fi. | ||
| We went to this thing in New York City a few years back where all these guys think that in 2042 there's going to be some sort of – Some revelation in technology that allows human beings to download their brains into computers. | ||
| Download consciousness and even make replicas of your own consciousness. | ||
| So we're immortal, basically. | ||
| Yeah, something along those lines. | ||
| But we're still figuring the brain out. | ||
| We can't replicate it until we totally know how it works. | ||
| That's the idea that biologists have. | ||
| They argue against it. | ||
| But when Kurzweil explains it, that everybody is short-sighted. | ||
| Because if you look at the exponential progress of technology, Even though we're so far away in our eyes that everything changes exponentially. | ||
| And within 20 years, we'll have gone through a million years of technological evolution or some other crazy number. | ||
| Fill in the crazy number, whatever it is. | ||
| But by the time 2042 actually rolls around, we will be so far ahead of where we are now that it's impossible for us to even imagine the territory. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Yeah, which is, I think part of the reason I wanted to, like, make her, is like, why isn't anyone talking about laws? | ||
| Like, no one's really thinking about, like, I feel like everything, we sort of, after it's become too late, that's when we start pulling it together in terms of legislation and shit. | ||
| How do you incorporate her in your set? | ||
| I talk about robots for a good hour. | ||
| I cut it down, but I just kind of realized, like, I mean, you know, it's like making a special. | ||
| I'm like, if I'm going to talk about fucking robots for 40 minutes, some shit better come out at the end, you know? | ||
| But I went down to the sex robot factory to sort of get material and just know what the fuck I was talking about. | ||
| And they asked, you know, do you want us to make one of you? | ||
| And I was like, fucking, that's insane. | ||
| Do you know that they only made one? | ||
| I hope they're being sold by the fucking droves. | ||
| That would make my day. | ||
| Which I did ask, because people request sex dolls, like specific celebrities' body parts. | ||
| Who do you think the most requested mouth is? | ||
| Scarlett Johansson. | ||
| Nope. | ||
| I knew you were going to say that, because I know you love... | ||
|
unidentified
|
No? | |
| Emilia Clarke. | ||
| Who's that? | ||
| The Game of Thrones dragon lady. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh... | |
| Dragon Lady. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| Most requested eyes is Olivia Wilde. | ||
| Who's that? | ||
| She just directed a movie called Booksmart, but she's in a bunch of movies. | ||
| Beautiful. | ||
| Beautiful. | ||
| Great eyes. | ||
| Yeah, you'll know her as soon as I... Married to Jason Sudeikis. | ||
| I don't know who that is either. | ||
| I'm so glad I'm out of the loop. | ||
| You really just are in your own. | ||
| I'm out of the loop. | ||
| Yeah, you're in your own world. | ||
| I didn't even find out who Takeshi69 was until Jamie brought him up. | ||
| I don't even know who that is. | ||
| Oh, the rapper? | ||
| The one who's in jail. | ||
| Oh, which one is this? | ||
| This is Olivia Wilde. | ||
| Very pretty. | ||
| So that's her eyes? | ||
| Yeah, she's gorgeous. | ||
| That's the eyes. | ||
| Damn, I get it. | ||
| And then I was like, well, has anyone ever requested anything for me? | ||
| And they're like, yes, a couple people have heard. | ||
| They want your fingers. | ||
| Eyebrows! | ||
| Eyebrows? | ||
| I want Whitney Cummings eyebrows. | ||
| That's like the least sexual thing about a human being. | ||
| My fucking eyebrows. | ||
| They nailed your eyebrows with her, though. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, perfect. | ||
| Drawing on with a Sharpie? | ||
| Yep, that's what you like. | ||
| Fucking weird. | ||
| But I kind of went down because I wanted to see what was up. | ||
| Are they putting nine holes in the chest? | ||
| Are you fucking holes in the ribcage? | ||
| Totally! | ||
| Is this some insane, they just put a golf course on her body, 18 holes? | ||
| I just didn't know what I was kind of endorsing or talking about. | ||
| And I was just, I gotta be honest with you, I was just so surprised at how, it was kind of touching, to be honest, when they were telling me about what the guys ordered. | ||
| I was a little surprised that it didn't align with where everyone's like, there's this impossible standard of beauty, like that's all you fucking hear these days. | ||
| Half the guys that ordered them requested pubes, spent an extra $1,400 for them. | ||
| $1,400 for pews? | ||
| Just to have manual, like a little Merkin. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Because they have to do it one thread at a time. | ||
| Yeah, that's exactly right. | ||
| And then a lot of guys complain that they're too skinny. | ||
| They want bigger ones. | ||
| They want big thighs and big butts. | ||
| But the technology is not available to make them lightweight. | ||
| Guys want him to be older. | ||
| A lot of guys were complaining they want him to look older. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| So I kind of was just like, this is sort of great news. | ||
| Like, why is everyone so... | ||
| Well, maybe it's because that's the type of woman that would reject them. | ||
| An older woman who has her shit together. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ooh. | |
| That's fucking profound. | ||
| Yeah, whereas a younger girl doesn't know what the fuck's going on. | ||
| Sure, I'm hungry. | ||
| Hit my Venmo. | ||
| Yeah, a younger girl just doesn't get it. | ||
| She's delusional. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Huh. | |
| She doesn't know her value yet. | ||
| But I also just felt like there was a little bit, you know, when they were telling me that, I was like, oh God, maybe fucking guys are made to now feel shame for what they're into. | ||
| You know, no one talks about the way that, you know, and I do a lot in my special. | ||
| I'm going to get a lot of shit for this because I'm basically defending guys the whole time. | ||
| What are you saying about that? | ||
| No, it's just like, guys, I feel like now, they're like, I guess no one has pubes, that's just how it is now. | ||
| Like, if you're a guy that's into pubes, this isn't your moment. | ||
| Like, porn, like, you'd have to really go out of your way to find, or you have to go back to, like, 70s porn. | ||
| Or you just date a girl who's willing to grow it out for you if you're really into it. | ||
| But if you're really that into it, you should really ask yourself, why? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Pubes? | ||
| Why do you care? | ||
| I used to have a bit about that too. | ||
| This is like Rogan's greatest hits. | ||
| But when I was a kid, everyone had pubes. | ||
| It was a real thing. | ||
| That was a thing. | ||
| Yeah, like shorts. | ||
| You just had like... | ||
| Girls had ridiculous pubes. | ||
| They didn't do anything about it. | ||
| But now when you... | ||
| What was that? | ||
| When you electrolysis, it doesn't grow back. | ||
| What's the laser, right? | ||
| Laser removal, it doesn't grow back. | ||
| So even if you want to grow them out now, you'd have to get like a little... | ||
| Yeah, you'd have to get a little... | ||
| But I was talking to a gynecologist about that. | ||
| I was like, yeah, women are trying to get plugs now. | ||
| No. | ||
| I swear to God. | ||
| Because guys are complaining about it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Because it's like... | ||
| Women are getting plugs. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Plugs. | |
| Little vagina. | ||
| Pube plugs. | ||
| Oh my God, that's so great. | ||
| But it'll grow long like the hair on your head. | ||
| I guess you'd have to take it from your head and put it down. | ||
| You'd have to trim it. | ||
| You'd have to put it down. | ||
| Imagine you'd grow... | ||
| You know like braids? | ||
| Like pippy long stockings? | ||
| Oh God. | ||
| Like little cornrows? | ||
| Weird. | ||
| But so yeah, I guess it was just like, I feel like the media wants to be like, these are so bad for society, just because everyone's outraged about everything now. | ||
| I think we should be curious. | ||
| I don't think they're necessarily that bad for society, but it's unquestionably weird. | ||
| That's weird. | ||
| But I don't know if it's that bad for society. | ||
| But getting back to what you're saying about men being shamed for what they like, what other examples other than pubic care? | ||
| I just thought that was interesting. | ||
| There was like a wall of nipples you could choose from. | ||
| And men are ashamed? | ||
| No, it's just that there was all different kinds of nipples. | ||
| There was long... | ||
| Oblong was one of the best sellers. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Ridiculously long nipples? | ||
| Oblong. | ||
| Asymmetrical, big, dark ones. | ||
| When I was a kid, when I was 21, I dated a girl who had a wonky eye. | ||
| And I thought wonky eyes were hot for years afterwards. | ||
| She's got two wonky eyes. | ||
| No, but she had a wonky eye. | ||
| Look at her. | ||
| One of them was a little off to the left. | ||
| And you didn't notice it until you're talking to her for a couple minutes. | ||
| You're like, oh, that's what's up. | ||
| That's endearing. | ||
| Yeah, I thought it was hot. | ||
| I thought wonky eyes were hot for a long time. | ||
| She was hot. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So it's like in my head, it's like wonky eyes were... | ||
|
unidentified
|
What happened to her? | |
| Oh, Jamie, put that away. | ||
| Just stop. | ||
| That gives life. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Don't do this to me. | |
| It gives life. | ||
| That has sustained the human species. | ||
| Yeah, sure. | ||
| Yeah, it's where the babies feed. | ||
| But I do feel like there's just, you know, you only kind of see one type of nipple everywhere, you know? | ||
| Really? | ||
| And a lot of guys are... | ||
| Well, I don't know. | ||
| I mean, I guess I haven't seen that much porn. | ||
| I haven't seen... | ||
| Now I'm thinking about it, but some guys are in a giant areola. | ||
| Yeah, that's right. | ||
| That's huge. | ||
| Giant areolas are huge. | ||
| Dark areolas are huge, which is interesting because I think there is a biological basis for that because once your nipples get dark, it means usually when you give birth, your nipples get darker so the baby can find the nipple. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| It gets darker. | ||
| Nipples darken after childbirth. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| So your baby can find it. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| She's all there blinking. | ||
| Oh, is she? | ||
| You're never going to have a baby. | ||
| Does that make you feel weird? | ||
| She might. | ||
| You never know. | ||
| She's looking at me. | ||
| Let me ask her. | ||
| Are you going to have a baby? | ||
|
unidentified
|
For sure. | |
| I don't want her anymore. | ||
| She's going to have one of them little alien chestburster babies. | ||
| She's going to come out screaming and run across the floor. | ||
| Are robots going to destroy humans? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bullshit. | |
| Wow, that sounds like a lie. | ||
| This is bullshit. | ||
| I was really fascinated by this one roboticist. | ||
| The coolest part about having a robot is that I get to talk to all these fucking roboticists and he was saying that the big fear with robots is because they're all about efficiency. | ||
| And there was that one study where they told a robot to jump on the table. | ||
| And what you would do is you'd go, okay, you would just jump on the table. | ||
| But it actually took more energy to jump on the table than to just break the table and push it to the floor and step on top of it. | ||
| So it just went and just stepped on top of it. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| So it crushed the table. | ||
| That's how we're going to die. | ||
| It's going to just see us as inefficient. | ||
| Ooh. | ||
| And in the way. | ||
| We're going to just be obstacles. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| And you won't see anything wrong with destroying an object. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But humans destroy humans, too. | ||
| I'd rather get destroyed by a robot. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Cooler story. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It seems so impersonal. | ||
| The moment when that robot sunk that blade into that guy in Ex Machina and just looking right at him while she was stabbing him. | ||
| There was no change in her expression. | ||
| At all. | ||
| No compunction. | ||
| But I would feel better about it if a robot killed me. | ||
| I'd be like, oh, well, it didn't know. | ||
| It was just kind of a freak. | ||
| Would you feel better if a person killed you or an animal? | ||
| Depends on the kind of animal. | ||
| Mountain lion. | ||
| I have mountain lion in my yard. | ||
| I bet you do. | ||
| How big are they? | ||
| Are mountain lions big? | ||
| I've only seen two in the wild. | ||
| And the ones I've seen were about 60 pounds, 70 pounds. | ||
| Do they come right for your neck? | ||
| Do they know to just kill? | ||
| They go for your neck. | ||
| I would rather, I think, die by an animal. | ||
| Really? | ||
| You'd rather die by a human? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't have a fighting chance with a human. | ||
| You do. | ||
| So I guess mine would be a little quicker. | ||
| I guess it depends on how. | ||
| I bring a knife. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| On your leg? | ||
| I have a fanny pack that I run with. | ||
| It's like a neoprene fanny pack that I keep my cell phone with. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I bring a knife that's strapped to the fanny pack. | ||
| In case a mountain lion attacks you? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I feel like you could beat up a mountain lion, though. | |
| I don't think so. | ||
| Not without a knife. | ||
| But I think there's a couple seconds that you have while that thing grabs a hold of you. | ||
| That if you have presence of mind and you can pull that blade out and just start sticking it in its neck. | ||
| Just hacking at its neck. | ||
| I think Marshall would get it. | ||
| No. | ||
| Marshall will be in seven pieces on the ground. | ||
| He's not designed for killing. | ||
| He can kill squirrels. | ||
| That's about where it ends. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| There was something I've told you about when I got my ear bitten off before. | ||
| There was a weird sense of calm. | ||
| It was a weird feeling of just like, that was fair. | ||
| There was just something so quick about it. | ||
| Animals are so... | ||
| People don't know the story. | ||
| A dog you adopted was a little sketchy and bit my ear off. | ||
| How bad was it hanging off? | ||
| Pretty bad. | ||
| I didn't feel anything in the moment. | ||
| That was the good news about that. | ||
| And I'm sure if an animal bit into my head, I'd probably feel more. | ||
| But it was like a rush of dopamine or whatever it was. | ||
| I did not feel pain until I saw it in the mirror. | ||
| So I was like, oh, that was weird. | ||
| Like it felt like an itch. | ||
| And then I looked in the mirror and my first thought was... | ||
| I didn't put on earrings today. | ||
| Like, I don't wear earrings. | ||
| Like, I thought it was like a hoop earring, and then the blood started coming down, and then I saw it, and it just started burning. | ||
| It wasn't like a pain. | ||
| And then I started watching videos about people that got attacked by sharks, and there's a girl who had her arm bitten off by a shark, Bethany something, and she said that it, like, almost felt orgasmic. | ||
| Because like dopamine rushes to the area to get you to keep fighting for your life basically because if you felt the pain you would give up. | ||
| So I didn't really feel a lot of pain until I got to the ER and then it started like throbbing after like a couple hours when the blood dried up and it just started to get uncomfortable and itchy. | ||
| But there was something that was so quick. | ||
| Like, animals don't really deliberate. | ||
| It was like, and that was it. | ||
| Why'd it bite your ear? | ||
| I think he was just trying to play with me. | ||
| I took it to an aggression specialist, and the aggression specialist was like, this kind of dog gives you a warning. | ||
| They wouldn't just come right for you. | ||
| They'd growl first. | ||
| And also, if that dog was trying to kill you, it just would have. | ||
| It would have bitten your face. | ||
| Right, so he probably bit you just like you'd bite a dog. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Whereas if he bit a dog's skin, nothing would happen with that same amount of pressure. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's right. | |
| Ears are useless. | ||
| And it was probably taken from its mother too young. | ||
| She's giving you side eyes. | ||
| Her ear has the same scar that mine does. | ||
| We molded all of it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| We molded my ears, my mouth, because it's amazing. | ||
| Let me see your scar. | ||
| I can't see it. | ||
| You can see it right there. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| It's like you did jujitsu. | ||
| Yeah, it's not like cauliflower-y. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| It's ugly, but all ears are ugly, I feel like. | ||
| They're not the best part. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| So I could get another surgery on it, but I don't give a shit. | ||
| Ears are fucking annoying. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You have gray hair. | |
| Cover it up with your hair. | ||
| You have headphones. | ||
| Ears are annoying as shit because it doesn't hurt until six months later when the nerves start growing back in. | ||
| It hurts like fuck. | ||
| So then, like, six months later, it started annoying me? | ||
| I started hurting. | ||
| I couldn't, like, sleep. | ||
| I had to sleep with this weird pillow and shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, wow. | |
| It's just, like, nettlesome, yeah. | ||
| I know so many guys that have fucked up ears from jujitsu. | ||
| I bet. | ||
| So many guys. | ||
| Are yours at all? | ||
| No, very little. | ||
| I have a few little tiny pieces like this that's cauliflower. | ||
| And is that from the rubbing? | ||
| Yeah, from getting them bent over and crushed, getting caught in triangles. | ||
| But I always wore ear guards. | ||
| Do you have to get him, like Brendan, doesn't he have to get his cut out or some shit? | ||
| If Brendan wants to, he would have to get his cut and get the, it calcifies. | ||
| Yeah, I used to have, my nose was filled with that. | ||
| Because my nose had been broken so many times, the inside of it was all calcified, and I couldn't breathe out of it. | ||
| My nose was useless. | ||
| So I had a deviated septum, too. | ||
| So they fixed the deviated septum. | ||
| They put the splints in there to keep it in place, and then they had to cut out all the scar tissue and all the nonsense in there. | ||
| With like a laser? | ||
| Or just with a knife? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I was out cold. | ||
| I woke up and... | ||
| But I didn't get it done until I was 40. I couldn't breathe out of my nose. | ||
| Like a bulldog. | ||
| Until I was 40. It was terrible. | ||
| It was terrible for my cardio, too. | ||
| And then, so if you wear ear guards, you don't get it. | ||
| Because I feel like all the fighters I see have that shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| If you wear ear guards, you don't get it. | ||
| I mean, unless you get it in a fight. | ||
| But most of it you get in training. | ||
| You know, like a lot of jujitsu guys, before they're a black belt, they have fucking mangled ears. | ||
| But it's also like a badge of courage. | ||
| Like, people like it. | ||
| Yeah, and it also, yeah, you walk down the street, no one wants to fuck with you. | ||
| But it fucks up the way you hear things. | ||
| Like, if you take your ears, if you're talking right now, like, la, la, la, la, la, and then you just go like that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then you hear things. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's right. | |
| Check, check, check, check, check, check. | ||
| It's different. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It sounds way different. | ||
| Well, they're designed this way for a reason. | ||
| It catches sound. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The way that it's kind of... | ||
| But it's also... | ||
| I don't recommend getting a surgery on it. | ||
| A surgery on your ear is fucking... | ||
| I've gotten many surgeries. | ||
| This is by far the most painful. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| The healing of the cartilage is a fucking nightmare. | ||
| And to anesthetize the ear, they had to put the syringe in the lacerations. | ||
| So they were like, it's going to hurt more to anesthetize this, so we're just going to do the surgery without anesthesia. | ||
| And I just took a bunch of painkillers and shit. | ||
| Because it's hard to get anesthesia into cartilage. | ||
| I know guys, their ears are so fucked up, they can't get AirPods in there. | ||
| They just have a hole, like a tiny pinhole. | ||
| On this side, I have a piercing right there. | ||
| This was for, because I get migraines, and they say this piercing helps with migraines. | ||
| Oh, Jesus Christ. | ||
| It's probably just psychosomatic. | ||
| Oh, now my migraines are fine. | ||
| I know, totally. | ||
| Placebo effect is an effect. | ||
| I rely on it heavily. | ||
| But that was just, that didn't hurt in there. | ||
| No? | ||
| Until it didn't hurt when it went through, but then it hurt for six months after. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| Yours are a fucking nightmare. | ||
| I'll tell you what. | ||
| But yeah, so we got her ear molded. | ||
| Because it's amazing. | ||
| I think something that, and I was talking to this facial transplant person about how it's actually really hard to get something to look similar. | ||
| Like the bone start, everything's got to be perfect. | ||
| Like my nose is really asymmetrical. | ||
| My nostrils are really asymmetrical. | ||
| So they had to work really hard and mold it over and over again. | ||
| How do nostrils become asymmetrical? | ||
| It's bad breeding. | ||
| Really? | ||
| It's bad genetics. | ||
| You've met me. | ||
| My whole face is a Picasso painting. | ||
| I mean, my face is a fucking mess, you know? | ||
| So, you have to have the asymmetry down. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And they say the key to something looking human is a lack of symmetry, because symmetry is actually creepy. | ||
| Do you remember that movie Invasion of the Body Snatchers? | ||
| Yeah, not really. | ||
| Donald Sutherland? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Great fucking movie. | |
| Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, great movie. | ||
| I watched it again recently, within the last couple years. | ||
| It was great. | ||
| Real weird, too, because it's a time capsule. | ||
| Because it's a time capsule to San Francisco in the 1970s when they filmed it. | ||
| Really, really weird. | ||
| But the idea was that these pods, they came from outer space, they grew, and then when you had them in your house, they would create a double of you that would take you over. | ||
| If you came home and you saw that, because it looks like you, but it doesn't look like you. | ||
| What is different about it besides the lack of wrinkles? | ||
| It's not you. | ||
| And shininess. | ||
| No, it's just not you. | ||
| It's not even that close. | ||
| Well, because it has pores. | ||
| It has individually added pores. | ||
| Can you grab her and bring her closer to you? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Bring her over here. | ||
| I'll try. | ||
| Hold on. | ||
| First of all, here's her... | ||
| What is that part? | ||
| This is her just travel bust. | ||
| Oh, she has a travel bust? | ||
| If you just want to have the head, you can plug in just the head, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Come here. | |
| Yeah, if you just need her head for something. | ||
| Yeah, like, bring her right next to you. | ||
| There you go. | ||
| And get your head right close to her. | ||
| It's like, the skin tone's different. | ||
| They made her six months ago and I already look 40 years older. | ||
| I did 50 cities and I've aged. | ||
| She looks super uncomfortable right next to you. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| That's because she has to share a fucking spotlight and she doesn't like it. | ||
| This, I hope, looks different. | ||
| These ratchet-ass fingers, I hope, do not look different. | ||
| Yeah, so her fingers, people can't see. | ||
| It's like the skin is coming off of the finger. | ||
| Like the robot parts are showing. | ||
| This is actually... | ||
| Does not compute. | ||
| The guys that buy these on the chat rooms, they usually spend most of the time talking to each other about how to fix the fingers because they break them off by accident constantly. | ||
| When we stick them in their ass. | ||
| Yes, exactly. | ||
| Rubbing them constantly on their taint. | ||
| And it becomes like a car club where guys are like 3D printing fingernails and 3D printing eyeballs. | ||
| It's mostly just fixing them. | ||
| It becomes like fixing up an old car. | ||
| It's just like a hobby because they break so easily. | ||
| At least this iteration of them does. | ||
| But yeah, you can... | ||
| I mean, it's... | ||
| Yeah, it's pretty fucking wild. | ||
| I mean, she can... | ||
| Oh, that's made noise when you did that. | ||
| Yeah, she's kind of rickety. | ||
| I think she's arthritic. | ||
| But if you came home and that was in your house, standing there staring at you, what kind of a fucking heart attack would you have if you didn't know that you had, like if you didn't have this, right? | ||
| If you didn't go through all the process, you went, and one day you put the key to your lock, you open up your door, you step inside your house, and she's standing there in like some sexy lingerie or in a bikini or something like that staring at you. | ||
| What a fucking heart attack you would have. | ||
| No, I'd have a stroke. | ||
| It doesn't look like a human. | ||
| She doesn't. | ||
| I mean, but they will at some point. | ||
| She's like fucking a My Buddy. | ||
| I mean, she's like a ratchet Chucky, you know? | ||
| Well, it's the Uncanny Valley, right? | ||
| She's in the Uncanny Valley, where it's not quite a human. | ||
| I went to NVIDIA once. | ||
| They're a video card... | ||
| Video game. | ||
| They make video cards for computers. | ||
| Like really high-end graphics cards for gamers and stuff like that. | ||
| And one of the things that they had was... | ||
| And this was quite a few years ago. | ||
| They had the state-of-the-art fake CGI person that you could kind of talk to. | ||
| And it was animated. | ||
| And they were like, we're not quite there. | ||
| We can't do the mouth. | ||
| Like the tongue. | ||
| You can't do the tongue correctly. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nope. | |
| I'll show you. | ||
| Because the muscles, that's what's so fascinating. | ||
| Yeah, there it is. | ||
| This is what we looked at. | ||
| This is exactly the guy that we looked at. | ||
| Is this the video of the show that I did? | ||
| That's like 2013 Faceworks. | ||
| You can look it up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's wild. | ||
| So this was the guy. | ||
| And he's also bald because they can't do the hair right. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Of course, this was six years ago. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| But look how close it is. | ||
| Look at the skin. | ||
| That's pretty amazing. | ||
| Like stubble. | ||
| I mean, that's like razor burn. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And also the eyebrows are really good. | ||
| Yeah, but it's still uncanny. | ||
| It's still not quite a person. | ||
| There's something wrong. | ||
| But that's video, which is better to duplicate than... | ||
| Those wrinkles are good. | ||
| It's wild because it does make you realize flaws are what makes something look human. | ||
| We spend all of our time trying to be without flaws, but that's actually what sells it. | ||
| Well, as a woman, how do you feel about that? | ||
| Like that... | ||
| And we've talked about this before with guys. | ||
| Guys that use filters on their pictures. | ||
| I thought you were going to say fillers because guys do that too now. | ||
| They do that too. | ||
| That's weird. | ||
| They're both equally weird. | ||
| But there's something particularly disturbing to me about guys who use filters. | ||
| I only know one. | ||
| I'm glad I'm not single. | ||
| That's all I'm going to say. | ||
| It's alarming, but a lot of guys do it. | ||
| Guys are also getting fucking calf implants and shit. | ||
| What? | ||
| Who's getting calf implants? | ||
| I don't think anyone we know, but calf implants are a fucking thing. | ||
| No. | ||
| It's a big deal? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| It's a big deal? | ||
| Yeah, of course. | ||
| I thought that was a joke. | ||
| I don't believe so. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, no. | |
| I never watched Entourage. | ||
| People get calf implants. | ||
| Guys are getting facelifts. | ||
| All kinds of shit. | ||
| You know? | ||
| I know. | ||
| Guys are getting lip injections. | ||
| But what they say... | ||
| But guys who suck dicks get lip injections. | ||
| Yes, I would imagine. | ||
| That's a different thing. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I know guys that wear makeup... | ||
| Guys that wear makeup. | ||
| What's going on here? | ||
| Is this a calf implant website? | ||
| It's just Google Images for calf implants. | ||
| Look at that one on the lower left. | ||
| By the way, you can just run hills, you pussy. | ||
| But when you do this, can you still exercise? | ||
| Can you grow muscle underneath it? | ||
| Wow, that guy's calves look very impressive on the right. | ||
| I do have to say. | ||
| They changed him. | ||
| It's shortcuts. | ||
| How much are these... | ||
| Oh, those look so fake. | ||
| Those look like tits that fell down. | ||
| You know what those look like? | ||
| Like a cop. | ||
| Like an athletic cop that you put over your balls. | ||
| Yeah, it does. | ||
| It looks like a fencer. | ||
| Yes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Had to keep from getting kicked in the nuts. | ||
| Yeah, no. | ||
| He did that at the fucking mini mall in Reseda. | ||
| Yeah, he made a mistake. | ||
| That's a bad idea. | ||
| How about that guy down there with a tattoo? | ||
| Are those bad or good right there? | ||
| Look at this one. | ||
| That's pretty damn realistic. | ||
| What does it hang on to is what I don't understand. | ||
| I used to really be into the surgery channel. | ||
| Well, I mean, it's got to be like a tit. | ||
| Like a fake tit. | ||
| Yeah, silicone or water-based or something like that. | ||
| But how do you live with yourself? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| That feels like a tricky one. | ||
| I guess you just do. | ||
| You're probably just trying to get laid and you're sad anyway. | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, no. | |
| Oh, look at the scars. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, no! | |
| Oh, it looks like that's some Pinocchio shit right there. | ||
| I don't like that. | ||
| What's the thing on the left? | ||
| Has it rotted? | ||
| What are all those veins? | ||
| I think you got the implants to take care of that problem. | ||
| Well, I'm glad my robot's the least disturbing thing you've seen. | ||
| So it looks like he has some injuries. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like you got bit by wolves. | ||
| This is why I got him. | ||
| Because he got eaten by wolves? | ||
| Yeah, that's what it looks like. | ||
| Where? | ||
| They sliced right behind his knee and just dropped him in. | ||
| But look at his, there was no other options. | ||
| His legs weren't great. | ||
| Well, here's the other option. | ||
| Don't get calf implants. | ||
| And stop running around outside with wolves. | ||
| No, I'm just saying. | ||
| I don't think you really got bit by wolves, but that does happen. | ||
| But if wolves get you, they usually get you to get you. | ||
| Coyotes might do that to your calves. | ||
| Yeah, there's no margin of error with wolves. | ||
| Yeah, they just break the bones of your leg with one bite. | ||
| This guy had an injury because of a car accident when he was younger. | ||
| And his calves wouldn't grow? | ||
| Yeah, I think a lot of it's reconstructive. | ||
| It's just one sentence about it. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Yeah, but a lot of guys get that shit. | ||
| I knew a guy who had pec implants. | ||
| He was a skinny guy. | ||
| They're breast implants. | ||
| Yeah, he got pec implants. | ||
| He got under his meat of his chest to make his chest poke forward more. | ||
| And so is that something somebody does because they can't accomplish it naturally or they're just lazy and cutting corners? | ||
| You'd have to ask them, but the reality is there's things, some people are ectomorphs, and ectomorphs are like really thin people that have an incredibly hard time gaining weight. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Their body just doesn't- Metabolism. | ||
| Yeah, it doesn't grow mass. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Their muscles don't grow right. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Male plastic surgery is a really big thing now, but putting filters on it, I don't know, it feels like a slippery- I fucking love that show, Botched. | ||
| Love it. | ||
| One episode was actually pretty interesting, where a guy had been in an injury and he got his breast destroyed, his peck, and they had to fix it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How? | |
| That's wild. | ||
| He just said nothing there. | ||
| So you had like one that was like here. | ||
| There was a guy who was a fighter who's a high-level UFC fighter. | ||
| His name is Trey Tellegman. | ||
| He fought Vitor Belfort in 1997. He was Vitor Belfort's inaugural fight in the UFC. And we didn't know about Vitor when Vitor was 19 years old. | ||
| And I knew who he was because I was training with Vitor back then. | ||
| I was a white belt at Carlson Gracie's school on Hawthorne in West Hollywood. | ||
| So we knew he was this phenomenal talent, but a lot of people didn't know that he was this incredible boxer at this crazy hand speed. | ||
| And he lit this dude up. | ||
| But anyway, Trey Tellegman was in a car accident when he was a little kid. | ||
| And he didn't have a peck. | ||
| Like, his chest was caved in. | ||
| See if you photograph of Trey Tellegman. | ||
| The guy was a stud, too, and a handsome fella, too. | ||
| But everything else just super jacked. | ||
| But he had this crazy peck injury. | ||
| I mean, also... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look at this. | |
| Look at that. | ||
| See that? | ||
| Oh, fuck. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jesus! | |
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Well, he was a baby, I think, and he was in a car accident. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, shit. | |
| He had a pretty significant injury. | ||
| That would psych me out. | ||
| Yeah, if a guy took his clothes off and you saw that? | ||
| I mean, I just mean, if that's your opponent, you're just like, oh, fuck. | ||
| Right. | ||
| That's badass. | ||
| There's something hot about it. | ||
| I think there's something primal of like, he's fucking survived some shit. | ||
| Stick with him. | ||
| There's something hot about that. | ||
| Like that dude from The Wire with that scar across his face? | ||
| Totally. | ||
| Any kind of proof of injury, proof that you've been in battle is attractive to my primal brain. | ||
| I hate myself for it. | ||
| Do you know that the Nazis used to have dueling scars that were very popular across the face? | ||
| It was a big deal. | ||
| They would get them on purpose. | ||
| They would get into duels with swords, and they would have dueling scars. | ||
| And a lot of the Operation Paperclip Nazis that we got from Germany at the end of World War II When NASA took on a bunch of German scientists, a lot of them had these horrific dueling scars on their face. | ||
| That they did on purpose? | ||
| No, they would get in boarding school and in military school. | ||
| They would get in fights with swords, and they would cut each other's faces open. | ||
| Weren't they on meth and shit, too? | ||
| Weren't they on amphetamines? | ||
| For sure. | ||
| But that was more the Japanese. | ||
| That was the kamikazes. | ||
| The kamikazes is the way they got them to fly into boats and just fucking explode their fucking airplanes. | ||
| The way they got them to do that was they were methed out of their mind. | ||
| America! | ||
| Fuck yeah! | ||
| Try to find a picture of Nazi dueling scars. | ||
| It's crazy because some guys that were hanging out with Werner Herzog. | ||
| No, Werner Von Braun. | ||
| Werner Herzog's the director. | ||
| The director of the occupant. | ||
| Yeah, Werner Von Braun. | ||
| The guy who was the head of NASA when they went to the moon. | ||
| He had these guys that were working with him and these giant scars across their face. | ||
| Huge. | ||
| Footlong scars. | ||
| Was it like a ritual to show your pecking order? | ||
| Yeah, which showed you were They're badass that you had gone through, but it was a big thing with the Nazis. | ||
| And there's some horrific photos of these guys, young kids with huge, gaping, open wounds. | ||
| See, here's the photos. | ||
| Holy... | ||
| Oh, Jesus! | ||
| Zoom in on the... | ||
| Yeah, see, this is a guy... | ||
| This is right after the dueling cults. | ||
| That's... | ||
| I was just reading an article on this that said that women found it attractive, so some guys actually would do it on purpose. | ||
| They would have doctors slice off their fucking cheek. | ||
| Well, look at this guy right here with the goggles. | ||
| Go to that guy with the goggles. | ||
| Right there? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| He's got two big scars on his face, and they had the goggles so they didn't cut their fucking eyes out. | ||
| This is before anesthesia. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| See, so he's got a plate over his nose to keep his nose intact, because he couldn't really stitch that bitch back on. | ||
| But they would take these huge scars on their cheeks, because they would be dueling with real fucking swords, and they would have these practice dueling matches. | ||
| And then they'd have to stitch them up, so these guys all had these huge scars. | ||
| By the way, when it comes back to cauliflower ears, a lot of guys did that themselves on purple. | ||
| Look, they're stitching them up. | ||
| Whoa! | ||
| A lot of guys did that themselves. | ||
| To get the cauliflower ears? | ||
| Yeah, they would smash their ears. | ||
| Oh yeah, all the time. | ||
| Recently? | ||
| Because it makes you look tough? | ||
| Yeah, a lot of white belts that want to be like badasses, they'd smash their fucking ears. | ||
| Don't they fucking drip too? | ||
| Leak? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Explode and explode. | ||
| Don't they explode? | ||
| Sometimes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sometimes it fights. | |
| Well, yeah, they can break off, too. | ||
| There was one fight that I was watching once where a chunk of this guy's ear, because it's calcified, you know, it's hard. | ||
| Have you ever touched a cauliflower ear? | ||
| I have. | ||
| It feels like a rock. | ||
| Uh-huh. | ||
| It's because it's calcium. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's a rock. | |
| Yeah, it's like crystallized. | ||
| Yeah, it's literally like a mineral rock, and it's inside your fucking ear. | ||
| Randy Couture, who had these crazy ones, used to take it and grind it into people's faces. | ||
| Like, so he would be like in a head and arm position, and He would shove his bad ear into your fucking eyeball. | ||
| Points for creativity. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| Is this one that exploded? | ||
| That's Leslie Smith. | ||
| She was fighting Jessica Ai, and Jessica Ai cracked her with a punch, and it literally, like, caught. | ||
| Did she go purposely for it? | ||
| No. | ||
| No, she's just beating her up. | ||
| In the process of beating her up, she caught her ear, and it was hanging out and opening. | ||
| And Leslie Smith's so fucking tough, she didn't want to stop the fight. | ||
| She was mad they stopped the fight. | ||
| That was recent, right? | ||
| Ear was hanging off. | ||
| That was a long time. | ||
| I mean, not a long time ago, but about four years ago. | ||
| Do you think... | ||
| I mean, would there ever be human versus robot fights? | ||
| Sure, yeah. | ||
| I can't wait. | ||
| They would have to dial the robots down, right? | ||
| Like when I was talking about... | ||
| We were talking about before the show started that I think it would be cool to have a robot that moved at like 50%, like a martial arts robot, that you would be able to practice technique on. | ||
| So you just would... | ||
| You'd basically, what you would do is do drills, right? | ||
| Like you do like a Dutch combination, which is one, two, left hook to the body, right leg kick. | ||
| And you would do it like, while it's in front of you, advancing, you'd pop, pop, bang, boom! | ||
| And it would have to like react to your punches, but it would do everything like 50% speed. | ||
| So you could take a chance of this thing hitting you, but it probably wouldn't. | ||
| It would provide you with enough movement so that you could develop patterns in your mind, and your body would synchronize with these patterns, so that in a real fight, you would have these things sort of ingrained. | ||
| One of the things that happens in a fight is... | ||
| Things happen that you don't think of. | ||
| You just do them, and you don't realize you were even going to do them until you already did it. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Because it's like you've drilled them into your subconscious. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right, right. | |
| So you could do that with a robot, and then maybe you could ramp the robot up to three-quarter speed if you got really good at it. | ||
| Then you could really move and duck, and it would be throwing punches at you, trying to hit you, and you could slip. | ||
| And they can record you so you can see what you're doing. | ||
| Would that be helpful? | ||
| Yeah, that would if you could look through the robot's eyes. | ||
| You could just put a fucking GoPro on it. | ||
| They're going to have eyes cameras soon. | ||
| Yeah, and then you're going to see someone's dickhole spoogeing right into the camera. | ||
| I don't want to fucking hack that footage. | ||
| Log out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Log the fuck out. | |
| Unlike a woman, she's not even going to flinch. | ||
| Like, if you see porns, it's one thing about porns, it's like the moment the load hits, no matter how good of an actress is, the moment the load hits, like... | ||
| There's always a brace for impact. | ||
| Always a flinch. | ||
| Even the most numb... | ||
| Unless they're real pros. | ||
| A real pro just takes it on the mug and just... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Like boxers. | ||
| Some boxers, there's photos of them where they're getting hit where their R's are wide open. | ||
| They never squint. | ||
| Ever since Tumblr doesn't have porn, I feel like I'm off the map. | ||
| Tumblr doesn't have porn? | ||
| No. | ||
| It used to? | ||
| It used to have porn. | ||
| It wasn't one of the most popular porn sites? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| And they stopped doing porn. | ||
| Do you know why? | ||
| Probably because people were complaining. | ||
| It was making too much money. | ||
| It's too lucrative. | ||
| Oh, they were making money off the Tumblr sites? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| It was like a blog site and people were putting all this porn and they were getting shut down. | ||
| Well, Twitter has porn. | ||
| Yes, it does. | ||
| I follow Joey Diaz. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ha! | |
| I'm fully fucking aware. | ||
| Twitter is a lot of porn, actually. | ||
| I didn't realize that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I only follow fucking annoying-ass news bullshit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Do you? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, Twitter, I'm just like all my friends and news outlets. | ||
| I don't know if I want to jerk off in between CNN and Business Insider. | ||
| I look at Twitter so infrequently now, because every time I look at it, it seems to be fighting. | ||
| It's exhausting. | ||
| Arguing. | ||
| You know what helped me? | ||
| Because I was like, this special, and I loved your special because, like, you acknowledge, you're like, I'm gonna get in trouble for this, like, you're gonna be so, like, that was just so fucking smart. | ||
| When I was writing this special, it's the first time I've ever done one where I started cutting bits, because I was like, it's just not worth the fighting. | ||
| Like, I don't even want to fucking deal with it, you know? | ||
| Like, I had this whole bit on Marilyn Monroe, and how I don't think she's a, like... | ||
| I feel like she's being forced on us as a feminist icon. | ||
| All my girlfriends are posting photos of Marilyn Monroe, being like, you know, always show up two hours late, keep a man waiting. | ||
| I'm like, this woman is a fucking asshole. | ||
| She's a slob, and she's not my Gloria Steinem. | ||
| And I was just like, oh, they're going to say I don't like women, and I'm shaming, slut-shaming. | ||
| I was just like, it's not even fucking worth it. | ||
| Well, she's a weird one, right? | ||
| Because she fucked everybody. | ||
| Which is not bad. | ||
| It's not bad to fuck everybody. | ||
| But she fucked everybody, and apparently that's... | ||
| The real conspiracy is that the Kennedys had her killed. | ||
| Because she was banging JFK, and then she was banging... | ||
| RFK, and apparently she loose lips sinks ships. | ||
| Yep, can't do it. | ||
| She was yapping a lot. | ||
| And look, I'm gorgeous, good for her, for making, back then, making money the way you had to, but I just, let's let her be what she was. | ||
| Why, you know, I think that she, that Hedy Lamarr should get the credit that she gets. | ||
| You know, I mean, you talk about Hedy in your special. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| Well, Hedy was a fucking genius. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Badass. | |
| She was a legitimate genius. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Gangster. | |
| Nobody gives a shit. | ||
| Responsible for Wi-Fi. | ||
| People use Wi-Fi mostly to Google Marilyn Monroe quotes. | ||
| If Hedy Lamarr came back to life, she'd be like, so did my invention, did it ever come of anything? | ||
| We'd be like, yeah, good news, bad news. | ||
| We mostly use it to Google the horror version of you. | ||
| No, I don't. | ||
| I love Marilyn Monroe. | ||
| I just feel like there's this thing now where, you know, women, we can't criticize any woman ever or else we get in trouble, you know? | ||
| And I think we have to be able to call people. | ||
| Like I say in my special, I talk about the difference between women that are... | ||
| Does anyone have any girlfriends that think they're feminists but they're actually just assholes? | ||
| You know? | ||
| That's so true. | ||
| And I know that I'm going to get shit for it. | ||
| Well, that's like the men's rights guys. | ||
| How many of the men's rights guys just like they talk about women like they're pieces of meat? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Like, is that really men's rights? | ||
| Or are you just a piece of shit? | ||
| Are you like, what are you doing here? | ||
| You teaching people that they need to have rights? | ||
| You're teaching men how to manipulate vulnerable people. | ||
| And how do you have this kind of time? | ||
| It's profitable. | ||
| You know, those books are profitable. | ||
| Oh, it's like a whole business. | ||
| Yeah, those books. | ||
| I mean, guys give seminars on how to pick up women, right? | ||
| Oh, right, like the game? | ||
| Yeah, game theory. | ||
| I remember when I first came to L.A., guys would do that. | ||
| They would try it on you? | ||
| Yes, the first thing you do, well, you're supposed to ignore, it's negging, right? | ||
| You're supposed to ignore them, and then you're supposed to do a compliment that's actually an insult. | ||
| Like, every guy, when I first moved here, would be like, I really like how your eyes are crooked. | ||
| Like, it was like every guy would make the same thing. | ||
| Who's that? | ||
| Oh, that's the pickup artist guy. | ||
| His name's Mystery. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| The game, he's like the host of the show. | ||
| What? | ||
| His name is Mystery? | ||
| Does he have a fake lip tattoo on his neck? | ||
| Is that what that is? | ||
| Lips, kisses? | ||
| Yeah, I think so. | ||
| Why does he have two cock rings on his ear? | ||
| Like lipstick kind of thing. | ||
| All right. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| I like the furry hat. | ||
| Yuck. | ||
| So he had a whole thing he was doing for a while. | ||
| Is he got eyeliner on? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Who am I to judge? | ||
| Chris Angel. | ||
| Madness. | ||
| And then you would try to ignore the girl. | ||
| It was this whole thing where you're supposed to be mean to her to make her like you or some shit. | ||
| Yeah, well that works on really vulnerable people. | ||
| And pretty girls who are used to compliments and used to getting a lot of attention. | ||
| Well, for men that are ignored and that have faced rejection over and over and over again, they view women as, if not the enemy, as some source of negative feelings, right? | ||
| And for you to get over on them would be to get some of that back. | ||
| Right. | ||
| All those bad feelings, bad encounters, negative interactions that you've had with women. | ||
| I had a friend that was like that. | ||
| Over the time that I knew him, I met him when he was in his 20s and as time went on into his 30s, he became more and more bitter and angry because he wasn't very attractive. | ||
| And he would have these interactions with women and they would wind up dumping him or abusing him. | ||
| And he just got fucking angry. | ||
| And then as he got older, he was just an angry guy. | ||
| He just hated women. | ||
| And it was just because of rejection. | ||
| He associated them with pain and emotional discomfort. | ||
| And so for a guy like that, he wasn't into the game or anything like that. | ||
| But for some of those guys that are vulnerable, like this incel thing. | ||
| A lot of these men, involuntary celibates, they develop these forum groups and subreddits, and they meet up and talk about what to do, and maybe I'll get facial surgery. | ||
| Look no further. | ||
| Yeah, but they want women. | ||
| Ultimately, that's a compromise. | ||
| They want a real woman. | ||
| They just got a shit roll of the dice, genetically. | ||
| Yeah, I don't know a ton about it. | ||
| I mean, I've read articles about it and stuff, but can they not get hookers or don't want to? | ||
| Well, that's a problem because hookers are illegal, right? | ||
| Right. | ||
| Like, you know, if you get hookers, you've got to go through some sort of shady black market. | ||
| Go to fucking Dantana's. | ||
| They're everywhere. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Is that where they go? | |
| Dantana's? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| That old restaurant? | ||
| Dantana's. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Joey Diaz was actually telling me about that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Spaghetti and steak. | |
| Friday nights at Dantana's. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| He says, yeah. | ||
| Friday nights, cocksucker. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, that's exactly right. | |
| But Joey will have you convinced. | ||
| You'll go there with a fucking newspaper. | ||
| I know. | ||
| There's no hookers. | ||
| You'll be pretending. | ||
| I'll sit here and wait. | ||
| I'll just read the paper and they'll show up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No hookers. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| I remember I used to go to the Four Seasons all the time and people would come in like, ma'am, are you here to see? | ||
| Like, they always thought I was a prostitute. | ||
| What? | ||
| They're in the lobby. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Four Seasons in Beverly Hills, Peninsula. | ||
| They thought you were a hooker and they're trying to get rid of you? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, they'd be like, ma'am, are you here to see somebody? | ||
| Like, if I ever showed up alone. | ||
| Because hookers just wander around the Four Seasons lobby. | ||
| Oh, how weird. | ||
| They're predatory. | ||
| Little coyotes. | ||
| Oh my god, of course. | ||
| I used to call them coyotes when we used to go to the Sky Bar across the street. | ||
| Does that still exist? | ||
| Fuck the Mondrian Sky Bar. | ||
| Does that exist anymore? | ||
| I think so. | ||
| It's across from the comedy store. | ||
| Yeah, I used to have a whole bit about them, the coyotes. | ||
| Because they were like, they would prey on these guys. | ||
| I was hanging out once with me and a friend of mine, and we heard this conversation between this fat, balding guy and this really pretty girl with big tits. | ||
| And he was like, do you coke? | ||
| Do you coke? | ||
| She's like, yeah, sometimes. | ||
| And I was like... | ||
| Because they would prey on these vulnerable... | ||
| Like a pug. | ||
| Like a pug that got out of the yard. | ||
| That's what I felt like, because these women would have this feral look in their eyes. | ||
| Like, when you're down to fucking people for money, and that's how you're getting by, and you've got some cocaine in your purse, maybe a few dollars, and you probably don't eat well, and you don't have a lot of money, and whatever money you do have... | ||
| He's spending on drugs or whatever, and there's a feeling that you get when you're around them, like they're feral. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Every day we're hustling. | ||
| Yeah, they're hustling. | ||
| And they're looking for these vulnerable guys with money. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And so that's what, you know, that place would be the place where they would go. | ||
| Yeah, Mondrian, I remember when I first moved there, yeah, you like wait in line to get in. | ||
| And there's a pool. | ||
| And occasionally when people were really drunk, they'd jump in the fucking pool. | ||
| Pam Anderson famously got naked and jumped in that pool. | ||
| That was like the... | ||
| Which, yeah, don't... | ||
| That's a... | ||
| I've already had a public fight with her. | ||
| I don't want to get it. | ||
| You did? | ||
| Yeah, on the roast. | ||
| She was on the David Hasselhoff roast. | ||
| And, I mean, I apologized to her. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What did you say? | |
| Did you say something? | ||
| I said, uh, I believe I said, Pam Anderson, you fucked Tommy Lee, Kid Rock, and who's the other one? | ||
| Oh, you fucked Tommy Lee, Bret Michaels, and Kid Rock. | ||
| Why don't you just save yourself some time and drink a vat of Magic Johnson's blood? | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| I said a lot of shit about her vagina. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And she got mad at you? | ||
| It didn't go great. | ||
| I mean, all this shit. | ||
| I just got asked to do the next roast, and I was like, I don't even know if you can fucking do roasts anymore. | ||
| Well, roast battle still exists. | ||
| They still go hard in the paint on Tuesday night at the Comedy Store. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's right. | |
| We just did it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, shit. | |
| That's tonight. | ||
| Yeah, we just did it in San Francisco, and it was so fun, but I still found myself being like... | ||
| I mean, when we did Joan Rivers, I said, Joan Rivers is so old, her vagina has a separate entrance for black cocks. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We used to just be able to say that shit. | |
| And today, I would fucking be run out of town. | ||
| No, you just said it. | ||
| I did! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck! | |
| And then, I mean, I remember people used to think jokes were funny. | ||
| People used to have a sense of humor. | ||
| I mean, even fucking Joan, you know? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah! | |
| For Joan, her whole career. | ||
| My opening joke for her was, Joan, I loved you in The Wrestler. | ||
| She thought it was hilarious. | ||
| She had a good sense of humor. | ||
| The best. | ||
| And she had such a good sense of humor. | ||
| Even during the roast, her face from plastic surgery was so frozen. | ||
| Because every time someone tells a joke, you'll check in to see if the person that's being roasted is laughing to make sure. | ||
| And we would look at her, and Greg Giraldo was just fucking hammering her, and the audience was nervous. | ||
| And then she said it. | ||
| She's like, I'm laughing. | ||
| I had too much Botox. | ||
| She had to subtitle her face so that we all knew she was okay. | ||
| I did. | ||
| We did the Brea Improv once with Joey Diaz and Ari Shafir, and we got barbecued in the green room. | ||
| I mean, just barbecued. | ||
| We went way too far. | ||
| And Joan Rivers and her television show, when she did a television show with her daughter, it was on TV. I don't know what show it was. | ||
| It was a reality show. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| And we were watching it on the screen, and her face looked like a kabuki mask. | ||
| It was just frozen. | ||
| Did you see the documentary? | ||
| No. | ||
| A piece of work? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| You see her, she goes and gets it and talks about it. | ||
| Why was she doing that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It didn't make her look better. | |
| I don't know. | ||
| I mean, look, I definitely get nervous sometimes. | ||
| And people, everyone always accuse me of doing shit to my face. | ||
| I'm like, no, you'll know. | ||
| I'll look like a fucking moon bounce. | ||
| Are you worried that you're going to do it eventually? | ||
| Yes, for sure. | ||
| Why do people accuse you of it? | ||
| Because you don't look like you did. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| You have a very thin nose, though. | ||
| People would worry that you did your nose. | ||
| It's wild because you'd think I got my nose done, but my nostrils are crooked. | ||
| I went to a doctor in Beverly Hills because I had sinus problems for the longest time. | ||
| And he actually said, you know, you have a septic... | ||
| What is it? | ||
| Deviated septum? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Deviated septum. | |
| He's like, you have a deviated septum. | ||
| And I was like, what are you doing? | ||
| He was like... | ||
| We can get a nose job. | ||
| Totally. | ||
| And I never did it because... | ||
| But your nose is thin. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| If he did it, what would he do? | ||
| Make it thinner? | ||
| Make my nostrils equal. | ||
| Even. | ||
| They're really asymmetrical. | ||
| And it's like problematic. | ||
| It's problematic. | ||
| When I do something in television, sometimes they have to fix my nostrils in post to make them even. | ||
| Who gives a fuck about your nostrils? | ||
| It's just distracting. | ||
| I feel like those things are there just to find out who's really weird. | ||
| Like if you're really freaking out about someone's asymmetrical nostrils. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's just, I mean, the key to most movie stars is they're symmetrical. | ||
| You know? | ||
| They're just like... | ||
| You know, think about it. | ||
| The most beautiful women in the world have some symmetry. | ||
| But yeah, I don't, it's wild. | ||
| I mean, I have, I mean, I talk about it in my special. | ||
| I have had surgery on my boobs. | ||
| I did have boobs done. | ||
| Hollow. | ||
| Which is kind of, this might interest you. | ||
| I was learning, because I had all kinds of shit, and the way that they make boobs look good is, because I think I heard you talking about someone about the shitty old breast implants. | ||
| The way they make them good now is that they put you on like a crucifix. | ||
| Oh, Jesus Christ. | ||
| And they do the surgery while you're standing up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| So you're out cold? | ||
| Yeah, so that they fall out. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Oh, that's nuts. | ||
| So I finally went to a guy that knew how to do that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Woo! | |
| Yeah, it's fucking wild. | ||
| But so I admit what I have, you know, but it is alarming because it does feel like female comedians, a couple of famous ones that we know when they age, went down that route. | ||
| I don't know if it's like the same thing that got you into comedy, it's the same thing that made you think you had to do that. | ||
| I've read a lot of stuff about childhood sexual abuse. | ||
| When people go really off the grid with their face, that's like a type of dysmorphia. | ||
| Or a lot of psychologists have said, because I've talked to a therapist whose job is in dysmorphia to advise on whether another surgery should be done by somebody, like if they're getting dysmorphic. | ||
| And a lot of times, if you've had childhood sexual abuse, you want to change your face so that you don't see the person in the mirror that got a bit. | ||
| Well, that's the Michael Jackson thing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's like a childhood trauma thing. | |
| Yeah, the Michael Jackson thing was always that he hated his father and he hated looking at his father in his own face. | ||
| So when it's that extreme, I try to not judge because I'm like, oh, there might be some psychological shit that I don't know about. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| But it's getting worse and worse with this Instagram shit because kids are growing. | ||
| I mean, it used to be like, we had acne and we'd go to school with acne. | ||
| But now it's like you're projecting this flawless, perfect face and then you have to show up to school with fucking acne the next day. | ||
| Also, it's like people want their face to actually look like an Instagram filter, which is bananas. | ||
| Bananas. | ||
| Photoshopped. | ||
| But again, it's a test to see who's fucked up. | ||
| Who wants that? | ||
| Not girl. | ||
| Who wants that as far as guy? | ||
| What guy wants that? | ||
| I'm so confounded by what I'm seeing. | ||
| Also, you just want to look like everybody else when you're young. | ||
| The weird thing is women wanting to be super skinny. | ||
| That's a weird one. | ||
| I feel like that's always been around, no? | ||
| Well, it's a model skinny thing. | ||
| It's not attractive to men. | ||
| Men like asses. | ||
| I mean, everyone's different, right? | ||
| I like girls with meat. | ||
| Well, because that also translates to fertility. | ||
| I mean, it's like we want someone that looks fertile. | ||
| Oh, sure. | ||
| Healthy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I want a girl who can carry a couch with me. | ||
| For real. | ||
| That's really endearing. | ||
| I want a girl who can pick up the end of the couch. | ||
| Come on, let's move it over here. | ||
| I don't expect you to pick up the whole couch. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Pick up that fucking end of the couch. | |
| Yeah, pull your weight. | ||
| It's going to be harder for you than me, but we don't have to carry it that far. | ||
| I don't know this trend of super skinny, because it doesn't really make sense on a primordial level why you would want that. | ||
| It's a model thing, because for clothes, they want a girl to be a clothes hanger. | ||
| Yeah, that's right. | ||
| They want a skinny girl that just looks good, sashaying down the runway with her bag of bones... | ||
| Which I was reading, and I actually did a whole paper on this when I was in college about actually the reason that fashion had such tiny models is because there was a shortage on fabric during World War II. So they just started making dresses smaller and then models skinnier. | ||
| It wasn't even really something that we wanted. | ||
| I always assumed it was gay dudes. | ||
| I'm sure that... | ||
| Gay dudes are into twinks. | ||
| Can you say twinks without getting arrested? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Gay dudes just made me nervous. | |
| Remember when Andy Cohen got in trouble for saying something about twinks? | ||
| This is the whole thing. | ||
| I can't. | ||
| So it's just like, fucking hell. | ||
| Outrage. | ||
| It's addicted. | ||
| Here's what did help me though. | ||
| Someone was saying, I read, and I think this is on your podcast, 2% of all people on Twitter make 80% of the comments. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| So it's on us for amplifying that 2%. | ||
| That's real. | ||
| It's not that many fucking people. | ||
| It just feels big. | ||
| It's not the world. | ||
| You go out in the world and you would think that it's going to be just knife fights and fucking Antifa everywhere. | ||
| Everyone gives a shit. | ||
| Bottling people. | ||
| When I went on tour after the Roseanne thing, everyone was like, what happened to Roseanne? | ||
| That was so funny. | ||
| I was like, you didn't hear? | ||
| Half the people didn't even know about it. | ||
| No, most people didn't know about it. | ||
| And then I was on tour, and this is, I mean, there's some stuff in the special that I'm sure, like, blogs are going to come at me for, but, you know, I was going around talking about all the stuff happening in the news and sexual harassment stuff and getting your ass grabbed at work. | ||
| And one time I was in Houston and this woman just yelled out, I was like, a guy that grabs you on the ass, she went, take the compliment and move on! | ||
| She's probably all Xanaxed up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Totally fucking... | |
| Drunk. | ||
| She's like, this is such an LA, New York fucking, you know, so it was just like... | ||
| Texas is a different world. | ||
| There's so many points of view that we're just not, that are not being heard. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Well, the Twitter point of view is very strange. | ||
| It's like you have right-wing Twitter, left-wing Twitter, and black Twitter. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Because you have three different, completely different worlds. | ||
| But we are in our little echo chamber, and it just feels so much bigger than it is when you go out in the world, and you're like, oh, you guys just want to fucking laugh. | ||
| Outrage culture. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's very strange. | ||
| How do you end that? | ||
| Will this end? | ||
| I think it ends with mind reading software. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| For real. | ||
| I think what's happening right now is... | ||
| Okay, if you say something, and you have a certain intent, and that intent is not accurately expressed by the sounds you're making with your mouth, I can choose to get mad. | ||
| But if I can read what you're thinking, then I know what your intent is. | ||
| But it used to be we'd be able to tell. | ||
| I'd be able to read your face and go, oh, Joe's joking. | ||
| Because we're right in front of each other. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Right. | ||
| That's what's missing on Twitter. | ||
| There's no social cues. | ||
| Things don't translate in text. | ||
| How many times has a friend sent you a text message and you think they're serious and they're just joking? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Most of the arguments in my life. | ||
| So many times I'll send someone, because I say fucked up things in text messages. | ||
| Half my text messages to my friends are heinous. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I mean, me and Callan and Shob and fucking Joey Diaz. | ||
| It's all psychotic. | ||
| Joey Diaz, every week, sends me pictures of his shit. | ||
| He sends me... | ||
|
unidentified
|
The other day he showed me his balls for like 20 minutes. | |
| I'm sure he did. | ||
| His balls are unbelievable. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They're ridiculous. | |
| They're gorgeous. | ||
| They look like Kim Kardashian's butt. | ||
| They're very rare. | ||
| But what is it? | ||
| Is that just... | ||
| Are they fake? | ||
| This is Joey Diaz. | ||
| Look at that gigantic log of shit. | ||
| That looks like a fucking snake. | ||
| No, I've seen those in real life. | ||
| He would leave them in the toilet for me. | ||
| This isn't healthy. | ||
| This is not fucking healthy. | ||
| We've only associated Joey Diaz with healthy. | ||
| First of all, notice that it's not even in the water. | ||
| It's on the beach next to the water. | ||
| It gives me the fucking willies. | ||
| Because he's kind of big and he doesn't really fit on the toilet correctly. | ||
| I don't understand why this doesn't break off. | ||
| Why doesn't his sphincter cut it? | ||
| Because he holds it in for a while. | ||
| I think his sphincter, the calamari, his sphincter is loose. | ||
| I think when he lets it loose, it's just like a log jam that just got released. | ||
| Like they opened up a dam on the river and it just, whoa! | ||
| That's fucking nightmares. | ||
| It's a giant piece of shit. | ||
| So he'll send me pictures of his shit. | ||
| I just held her hand by accident. | ||
| I needed some emotional comfort. | ||
| Sister, what are we doing, sister? | ||
| Thank God he's alive. | ||
| Because he's one of those guys that's just like, whatever outrage... | ||
| One of the things that I used to love about going on the road with him, which is, it's tragically, he's too successful. | ||
| Joey Diaz is famous now, so I can't really take him on the road with me as much anymore, because he's always booked. | ||
| But the beautiful thing was... | ||
| But he will be working with me tonight at the Comedy Store. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| The beautiful thing was, when I take him on the road, he would... | ||
| Open everybody up so hard. | ||
| All the taboos are out the window by the time I go on stage. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| Oh. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's such a fucking great, smart choice to put in before you. | ||
| People are like, he's so funny. | ||
| Why would you want to follow him? | ||
| I'm like, well... | ||
| I think that's in your head, because I think if you're funny, you're funny. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| I mean, he's definitely funnier than me. | ||
| He's funnier than everybody that's ever lived. | ||
| But he's also... | ||
| The building shakes when Joe is on stage. | ||
| He's a monster. | ||
| But he also, he lays the foundation that everything's on the table. | ||
| You know who used to do that at the roast was Greg Geraldo. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| He would go out and he would just say the shit that even at a roast you'd be like, oh fuck, and he'd go first. | ||
| Well, people hadn't even had drinks yet. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know what I mean? | |
| Like he said, um, iced tea, uh, you're so old you used your first residual check to buy your freedom. | ||
| I'm just like, Jesus, buddy! | ||
| Like, that would be, like, his opening joke. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| It was, like, 5.30 on a Sunday. | ||
| It was, like, homie. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Like, he would just come... | ||
| And the audience wouldn't even know what to do, but that's something he was so fucking unbelievable at. | ||
| Greg and I were on TV at the same time, and we were right next to each other on the lot at Gower, Sunset and Gower. | ||
| I was on news radio, and he had his own show for a bit, and his show was right next to my show, and we would hang out. | ||
| Because we're both guys from New York, more from the East Coast at least, that were doing comedy and we're out here thinking, oh, this is crazy. | ||
| And I never thought he would die like that. | ||
| When he died of a drug overdose, I was like, Greg? | ||
| Well, he had been sober, yeah. | ||
| What happened? | ||
| He went to a party and someone gave him some shit? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Pfft. | |
| I mean, it's so tricky when my... | ||
| I mean, I get worried. | ||
| I'm like a fucking mom about this shit. | ||
| What my guy... | ||
| You know, anyone goes on the road and you're getting shit. | ||
| You don't know how strong it is. | ||
| You're getting it from random people. | ||
| I think he had been sober and his tolerance was low and just tried to go back to what had... | ||
| Is that what it was? | ||
| I think so. | ||
| But I don't know all the details. | ||
| That fucking need for escape. | ||
| The need for the pill thing. | ||
| Does it feel like, though, in general, comics are getting healthier? | ||
| You saw the days when everyone was on Blow. | ||
| It feels like everyone's now on Jamba Juice and Onnit and Kombucha. | ||
| The real problem is... | ||
| I can't imagine drinking on stage. | ||
| Are they just funny because of that? | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| We've definitely lost our balls. | ||
| Some people think that... | ||
| In order to be a comedian, you have to be at least a little bit self-destructive. | ||
| Like the great ones. | ||
| How else are you going to get good stories? | ||
| I started going to therapy and I was like, fuck, what do I talk about? | ||
| Paying my mortgage on time? | ||
| This isn't funny. | ||
| It's a problem when you become wealthy, right? | ||
| You don't have any fear of, you know, your bills are paid. | ||
| When you stop doing desperate shit and making mistakes, you just have less interesting stories, certainly. | ||
| There's that. | ||
| But it doesn't always have to be stories, right? | ||
| But I also think its perspective gets very skewed when you live a life of leisure. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, when you live a life of leisure and comfort and privilege, which most wealthy comedians do, that's when they all start to suck. | ||
| Comedians usually have a few good years. | ||
| They make it and they have one or two good specials and then they have some that just get sloppy. | ||
| Because you think they just don't have to fight as hard. | ||
| A lot of times I hear people will schedule their special. | ||
| They're like, I'm shooting a special next March. | ||
| Have you written it? | ||
| You schedule it before you're finished with it. | ||
| That's the Eddie Murphy thing. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| You know, Eddie Murphy just got a $70 million deal. | ||
| He hasn't done stand-up in 30 years. | ||
| So, like, how many times has he got... | ||
| Look, I think, first of all, just as an aside, or just to start this off, I'm not bashing him. | ||
| I'm a giant Eddie Murphy fan. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Me too. | |
| If anybody thinks that Eddie Murphy should do stand-up again, it's me. | ||
| And I've even talked about on this podcast that he did some speech on a podium where he was talking about how bad Bill Cosby fucked up because he had to give his awards back. | ||
| Oh, right. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, shit. | |
| I haven't seen it. | ||
| It was a hilarious segment. | ||
| It's hilarious. | ||
| And I was like, goddamn, his timing is so good. | ||
| I wish he would do stand-up again. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Just jump back in. | |
| He was at the comedy store walking the halls a couple times on Tuesdays. | ||
| This was like a couple years ago. | ||
| Really? | ||
| And he just walked in and he just looked like he was on a people mover. | ||
| He would just float through the hallways. | ||
| And you know the hallways. | ||
| It's like fucking Beirut in those hallways. | ||
| And everyone would just get super quiet. | ||
| And they're I'm like, is that fucking Eddie Moore? | ||
| He hasn't done stand-up in 30 years. | ||
| That's how goddamn... | ||
| As nice as Tim Allen is, Tim Allen hasn't done stand-up in forever either. | ||
| But if he walks by, he goes, oh, that's that guy from Home Improvement. | ||
| They're not freaking out that he's there. | ||
| He was so good during Delirious. | ||
| When we were kids, you'd watch that. | ||
| He was so goddamn good that... | ||
| Today, even the legend of it just carries on. | ||
| I mean, the real question is, when he comes back, are people going to start tearing apart his old specials and saying he's homophobic? | ||
| Oh, yeah! | ||
| What's that gonna look like? | ||
| Well, people are going after people for... | ||
| George Takai. | ||
| John Wayne. | ||
| John Wayne. | ||
| That's the best one. | ||
| He's canceled. | ||
| He's canceled. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like, okay. | |
| He's been dead for decades. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| He's not woke enough in the 70s. | ||
| He said bad things about black people or something. | ||
| No, well, there's shit now where it's like, Picasso's canceled. | ||
| He's canceled. | ||
| Yep, Picasso's canceled. | ||
| Bukowski's canceled. | ||
| Wasn't that, like, the fucking... | ||
| Bukowski was... | ||
| Hanna-Barbera, whatever her name is. | ||
| What's her name? | ||
| Hanna Gadsby? | ||
| She had a fucking thing about Picasso. | ||
| Like, hey, baby, you gotta let that go. | ||
| That was a long time ago. | ||
| And he admitted, I mean, it's like, that's the other thing. | ||
| It's all these people who put their mental illness and struggles on account. | ||
| They would probably agree with us that they were fucked up. | ||
| For sure. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know? | |
| Like, Van Gogh was shitty to his subjects. | ||
| It's like, oh, I mean, you see it in his work, you know? | ||
| There's people that want to forgive people, though, for a thing. | ||
| Remember when there was a lot of Roman Polanski apologists? | ||
| Oh, I don't think I caught the mind of that. | ||
| There's quite a few. | ||
| In Hollywood? | ||
| Yes, like legitimate actors and actresses that were saying, you know, it's time to let it go. | ||
| He's an amazing artist. | ||
| He fucking raped a 13-year-old. | ||
| I'm good. | ||
| Rosemary's Baby is a fucking great movie, but I think he's done it. | ||
| It's a wrap. | ||
| But there are people like, you know, Stanley Kubrick, who is... | ||
| Arguably, my favorite. | ||
| One of the greatest geniuses ever in filmmaking. | ||
| Which, by the way, I was reading that the guy that directed Ex Machina kind of loosely based the guy on Stanley Kubrick. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| And then as soon as I thought about that, I was like, oh, Alex Garland, I think is the guy's name, that wrote it. | ||
| I thought that was interesting. | ||
| But have you ever seen the videos of Kubrick directing Shelley Law and all the stories about how he terrorized her throughout the production to get her into a... | ||
| I mean, he didn't want her to sleep. | ||
| He wanted her to have bags under her eyes. | ||
| He would wake her up in the middle of the night and he'd scream at her and call her a cunt and then be like, actually... | ||
| And then he'd be like, action! | ||
| And then she'd be like, fuck! | ||
| Her performance is unbelievable. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And it was terrorized. | ||
| Today, that would be a hostile work environment. | ||
| And she went from that to being olive oil in the Popeye movie with Robin Williams, and then she just quit. | ||
| Yeah, I mean... | ||
|
unidentified
|
She's a fire agent. | |
| But she was so good in The Shining, and then she didn't do a lot of other movies. | ||
| Does emotional abuse make great art? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| You know, the same thing happened with Ricky Schroeder in The Champ. | ||
| John Voight was like really shitty with him. | ||
| He was a little kid. | ||
| He was like six, seven years old. | ||
| He was really shitty and mean to him before the scene. | ||
| So you start crying. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, there's also, there's a director who, there was an explosion in a movie, and the actor, you know, it's a fake explosion, and you're going, ah! | ||
| And then one take, he was like, just make it real. | ||
| Just don't tell him. | ||
| And the fucking take was amazing. | ||
| And the actor got all pissed off, but the fucking work, you know, you get to get credit for that. | ||
| So it is this tricky thing. | ||
| Like, I did a show called Adam Ruins Everything. | ||
| You know that show? | ||
| He's just a smart dude, and he just asked me to do a little guest spot, and I had to play a flight attendant in the 50s who was getting sexually harassed. | ||
| Like, that was the scene. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Because that's what, I guess, airlines used to do that. | ||
| They would sort of pimp out their flight attendants. | ||
| If you were engaged, you weren't allowed to wear your ring. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The episodes were really interesting. | ||
| Well, they were supposed to be really hot, right? | ||
| That was the whole thing about flight attendants. | ||
| You had to be a certain size, and you had to be young, and then you had to kind of like... | ||
| Boy, did they let that go. | ||
| It was kind of a... | ||
|
unidentified
|
The last flight attendant I had was a man. | |
| You've been flying Delta? | ||
| He weighed 235 pounds. | ||
| He was 5'4". | ||
| Nice guy, though. | ||
| But it was like a dating service back then, basically. | ||
| And Adam did the whole thing on it. | ||
| And I was in there, and it felt very much, everyone was like, okay, whatever you feel comfortable with. | ||
| And I was like, no, we have to do, we have to make this feel uncomfortable, you know? | ||
| Like, don't worry about my feelings right now, you know? | ||
| It's like, you know, so there is just this conversation about, like, a no-hostile-work environment, and everyone needs to feel emotionally safe, like... | ||
| Well, can you... | ||
| Could you make the shining today? | ||
| Yeah, well, can you get to that place without being harassed? | ||
| If you're a really good actress? | ||
| Like, if you're really crazy... | ||
| Of course, but you still have to do it. | ||
| Go for it. | ||
| Isn't that the argument about great actors? | ||
| They kind of have to be crazy. | ||
| Like a Daniel Day-Lewis type actor. | ||
| That's why they're method actors, right? | ||
| They stay in that mindset because to maintain that mindset is really the only way to achieve it. | ||
| You almost kind of have to be there all the time. | ||
| And also the being in character thing. | ||
| When people bitch about when Christian Bale had his... | ||
| Meltdown. | ||
| Meltdown and stuff. | ||
| It's like, I mean, it's just there's so many people on a set and there's so many distractions. | ||
| And, you know, at some point you're just like, it's impossible to fucking focus. | ||
| And there's also, there's losers on set sometimes that fuck things up and they get in the way. | ||
| That does happen. | ||
| The fact that they recorded him screaming at that guy. | ||
| It's like, well, I want to know what that guy did and who was that guy. | ||
| That guy might be a moron. | ||
| Hasn't he been starving himself for like seven months or something? | ||
| I don't think that's The Mechanic. | ||
| I don't think it's the same movie. | ||
| It's just like, you know, he's... | ||
| Not The Mechanic. | ||
| What is it? | ||
| The Machinist. | ||
| Machinist, right. | ||
| It's like, I'm the face of this fucking movie. | ||
| I'm under all this pressure. | ||
| I have to get this thing. | ||
| We're losing light. | ||
| And this fucking guy's cell phone goes off. | ||
| I don't know exactly what happens. | ||
| It does happen. | ||
| You know, but I do think when Daniel Day-Lewis is like, call me Mr. Lincoln or nobody talk to me, it might just be his way of being like, just fucking stop asking me if I want hummus. | ||
| Like, just let me fucking focus, you know? | ||
| But I think for, like, really intense roles, which I've never done, so I'm just completely talking out of my ass, I would think that you might have to maintain some really crazy state of mind to get there. | ||
| So it doesn't look fake. | ||
| Because you know how, like, you see, you ever see the movie Punchline with Sally Fields and Tom Hanks? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| It's an interesting movie, but when Sally Fields is killing, I'm like, get the fuck out of here. | ||
| No one's laughing at that. | ||
| It's not real, okay? | ||
| When actors do stand-up, I think real stand-ups are like, okay. | ||
| You know who nails it, though? | ||
| That lady who plays the marvelous Mrs. Maisel? | ||
| She's amazing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I love her. | |
| Rachel Brosnahan? | ||
| Yeah, I love her. | ||
| It seems legit. | ||
| It does. | ||
| Well, it's also in the 50s. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| You know, I think, right? | ||
| But even the guy who plays Lenny Bruce is great in that movie. | ||
| I agree. | ||
| I mean, that show, rather. | ||
| And there was, you know, but like the one on Showtime Cast Real Comics. | ||
| Remember Eric Griffin was on it and Al Madrigal was on it? | ||
| That one on Showtime? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| Dying Up Here. | ||
| Dying Up Here, yeah. | ||
| You know, just like Cast Real Comics. | ||
| Yeah, but the writing on that was like a little shoddy. | ||
| I see. | ||
| But I'm sure it's different for everyone, but I do think though sometimes, you know, you've been on sets, like if you have to do a scene with somebody where you're screaming and you hate each other, if you're hanging out all day on Instagram, it's just like, it's hard to unfake like chemistry or knowing someone. | ||
| So I just think it's interesting, like, you know, Stanley Kubrick probably would be canceled today. | ||
| Fantastic. | ||
| Probably, yeah. | ||
| Especially by people who don't understand what's required in order to achieve what he's trying to get. | ||
| Kubrick was a madman, though. | ||
| I mean, he used to do complex mathematics in his spare time. | ||
| Yeah, like as a hobby, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Like, a complex calculus and stuff like that. | ||
| He would do shit where he would, I think on Eyes Wide Shut, he did, like, do 80 takes of Tom Cruise walking through the door and then I'll show up. | ||
| Like, he didn't want actors acting. | ||
| Like, he wanted them in the actual state of mind instead of acting like they were in that actual state of mind. | ||
| Like, he wanted that. | ||
| So he really wanted Tom Cruise to be, like, exhausted and fucking pissed off and annoyed. | ||
| So he's like, go piss him off and then let me know when he's in that state. | ||
| I mean, he would, like, terrorize Shelley Duvall. | ||
| It's, like, kind of famous. | ||
| And it... | ||
| She looks fucking terrified. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You know? | ||
| And also she's working with Jack. | ||
| Jack Nicholson. | ||
| There's a great video of him preparing for one of the scenes. | ||
| Oh, fuck. | ||
| And he's jumping up and down and throwing his arms in the air and going, ah! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ah! | |
| He's like freaking out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What was that guy? | |
| You could see him. | ||
| Working himself up before the scene. | ||
| I mean, those scenes that he did, especially like the axe through the bathroom door, you can't just go into that cold. | ||
| You've got some of that in here. | ||
| Yeah, they're worked up. | ||
| Yeah, it's wild. | ||
| I'm so obsessed with that movie because the little things he did to make you feel uneasy in a subliminal way. | ||
| Yeah, here it is. | ||
| He's getting ready for the scene. | ||
| He's jumping her up and down. | ||
| She's like, okay, I'm in here. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And he's like, fucking yeah! | |
| Who's this guy? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Yeah, there's nine people that want to ask him if he needs any hand sanded. | ||
| Yeah, that's the guy with the walkie-talkie going in there. | ||
| AD is really dressed up like golfers back then. | ||
| That fucking preppy asshole. | ||
| It's a great goddamn movie. | ||
| You know that movie, Stephen King didn't like that movie? | ||
| Well, that's why they say that the car on the road that's crashed on the road, there's a red car in the beginning of the movie that's crashed on the side of the road. | ||
| And in Stephen King's version, there was a red car, so Kubrick crashed that car and then it was a yellow car. | ||
| So he actually put shit in the movie to like troll Stephen King, which is kind of amazing. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| But he did shit that was so fascinating, like little things to make you feel uneasy, like continuity errors. | ||
| Like, he'd cut to a scene, there'd be a, like if there was a chair behind you, cut away, cut back, and there'd be no chair. | ||
| Shit you wouldn't really notice in case you were, like, dissecting it. | ||
| But... | ||
| There's also a lot of weird references in that movie to the Apollo moon landing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's right. | |
| He did a lot of weird shit in there. | ||
| And the Native American genocide was apparently a pretty big theme in it. | ||
| It's a great fucking movie. | ||
| And the way that he... | ||
| I mean, there's a whole documentary about this, but that the carpet, when the kid is riding the bicycle around the carpet, that he shot it both ways and intercut them so the continuity's not working and it just makes you feel... | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's a great documentary about the guy who followed Kubrick around. | ||
| He was like his assistant. | ||
| He was an actor, and he was acting in something that Kubrick did, and Kubrick wound up hiring him as an assistant, and then he just did all Kubrick's movies and hung out with him all the time. | ||
| It's really strange. | ||
| Is he still alive? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| I should get him on. | ||
| Well, the documentary's really good. | ||
| Do you know what it is? | ||
| It's not the Room 236 one. | ||
| What is it? | ||
| The Lost Tapes? | ||
| I think it's on Netflix, I believe, right? | ||
| No. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| It's the guy who hung around with Stanley Kubrick. | ||
| It's about him. | ||
| I think it's Film Worker. | ||
| Is that it? | ||
| Maybe that's it. | ||
| A Life in Pictures 2001? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, no, no. | |
| I don't think so. | ||
| Just Google the guy who worked. | ||
|
unidentified
|
There you go. | |
| Film worker. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| Film worker. | ||
| Right. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't see that. | |
| So this guy just sort of realized somewhere along the line, like, oh man, I'll never be able to make a fucking movie. | ||
| Like, I'll never be able to do what he's doing, so I'm just going to start working with him. | ||
| So he's his personal assistant. | ||
| He started out as an actor, and he just worked with Kubrick through all of his movies. | ||
| How wild. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, somehow or another, they just clicked together, so he wound up working for them. | ||
| So it's like, you probably don't know the name, Leon Vitale. | ||
| Scroll down, please. | ||
| Stop. | ||
| You don't know the name, Leon Vitale, but the upcoming documentary film worker hopes to change that forever. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| British actor, yeah. | ||
| Handpicked by Stanley Kubrick to play the role of Lord Bollingdon in Barry Lyndon. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's interesting because this guy sort of devoted his life to work with Kubrick. | ||
| It's interesting. | ||
| And that was also back in the day. | ||
| I think Kubrick would do a movie every five years or something. | ||
| That's back when you made a movie when it was ready. | ||
| Now everyone's like, movie every eight months. | ||
| Well, you know the Apocalypse Now story, right? | ||
| The movie took forever. | ||
| Oh, right, yeah. | ||
| The movie took like seven fucking years to make. | ||
| Did Oliver Stone write that? | ||
| No, no. | ||
| That's Francis Ford Coppola. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| That's like, I don't think Oliver Stone wrote that. | ||
| Maybe I'm wrong. | ||
| Why do I think he was involved in some way? | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| I'm kind of obsessed with Oliver Stone. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| Why? | ||
| I wrote a My Honor Ceases in College about, so fucking dorky, the postmodern implications of the movie JFK. Ah! | ||
| I was just obsessed with that movie. | ||
| At the time, it had the most edits in any movie ever, and the way that they just did mix me. | ||
| I just fucking loved the movie, and I just wanted to write about it and dissect it. | ||
| It's a great movie, but... | ||
| The problem is he makes it seem like you know exactly what happened. | ||
| And the reality is we don't know exactly what happened. | ||
| We don't know who killed JFK. It was very likely that it wasn't Lee Harvey Oswald though. | ||
| If Lee Harvey Oswald did take a shot, he didn't take the only shots. | ||
| There was other people shooting at him. | ||
| It just so fucking blew my mind the way that he makes movies. | ||
| I don't think we can even grasp the idea that someone shot the fucking president on TV. I can't... | ||
| Well, it actually wasn't on TV. I'm sorry. | ||
| What would we do? | ||
| I mean, did you ever... | ||
| What was the story about the guy who shot himself in the mouth? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| That's that song, Hey Man, Nice Shot. | ||
| Is that what that's named after? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, that's it about. | ||
| And he was about to go to jail and he had a press conference in his house and then he blew his head off? | ||
| Yeah, he pulled out a.44 Magnum and stuck it in his mouth. | ||
| Was that in Pennsylvania? | ||
| Bud Dwyer, yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, Pennsylvania. | ||
| Can you imagine? | ||
| That's on Faces of Death, right? | ||
| I didn't know that was about him. | ||
| Yeah, I've watched that so many times from the 90s. | ||
| Oh yeah, I can see it in my head right now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So it was on and they just couldn't cut it because it was live television? | |
| Well, he gave a press conference and just put a gun in his mouth and blew the top of his head off. | ||
| And they're like, no, don't, don't, don't! | ||
| And he's like, ah, boom! | ||
| And he did it like really quick before anybody could get to him. | ||
| And he just blew the top of his fucking head off. | ||
| I wonder how many views that has on YouTube. | ||
| Well, it's crazy like how quick the blood starts pouring out of his nose. | ||
| That was one of the weird things. | ||
| Like, oh, that's what happens. | ||
| Yeah, it was like so much here. | ||
| I mean, it makes sense, I guess. | ||
| Yeah, for sure. | ||
| It's also just to be able to be that composed about it. | ||
| Yeah, he probably wasn't healthy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| And I think he was going to be innocent also. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| It's like fucking poops. | ||
| Really? | ||
| I think so. | ||
| Well, sometimes people getting dragged through the mud, that's enough. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Like, that was why Bourdain killed himself. | ||
| Public shaming shit. | ||
| He was, I mean, besides depression, he was terrified that he was going to get dragged through the mud because he had paid off that boy who his girlfriend had fucked. | ||
| And he had been so prominently defending women and going after Harvey Weinstein in this whole Me Too movement thing. | ||
| And then all of a sudden he was this great hypocrite because his girl had sexually molested a 17-year-old kid. | ||
| You couldn't handle it. | ||
| Which is fine, by the way. | ||
| Listen, there's a lady who just got off and there's all this fucking talk about it. | ||
| People are so mad. | ||
| Joey Diaz put it on his Twitter. | ||
| Nothing wrong with the good dick sucking. | ||
| He did. | ||
| She blew some 14-year-old kid and it's on Twitter. | ||
| Who took it off? | ||
| Not there. | ||
| I looked. | ||
| What? | ||
| Joey's? | ||
| What came down? | ||
| You think Twitter took it down? | ||
| I retweeted it. | ||
| Is it because of his... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Why would they take it? | ||
| I just deleted it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| Twitter did or he did? | ||
| Well, Twitter might have just decided that it was against the terms of service or something. | ||
| They're getting really weird with stuff. | ||
| I mean, that's just a joke. | ||
| Well, people are getting... | ||
| Does that mean people snitched? | ||
| Because there's not an algorithm or like a spider program looking for that. | ||
| People must have complained then. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I'm looking for it right now. | ||
| I don't see it on my Twitter. | ||
| Oh, fuck. | ||
| That means it was taken down. | ||
| He might have just deleted it. | ||
| But he can still retweet something if it's deleted, right? | ||
| That goes away then. | ||
| No, it's right here, dude. | ||
| It's right here. | ||
| I was just looking at this page. | ||
| Well, you didn't find it. | ||
| Bronx teacher who performed oral sex on 14-year-old gets 10 years probation, avoids jail, keeps teaching certificate. | ||
| Stop saying performed. | ||
| It didn't take that long to get the job done. | ||
| It wasn't a performance. | ||
| There was a camera. | ||
| There was a lot going on. | ||
| It was a 30-second sloppy mess. | ||
| There was a lot going on there. | ||
| But meanwhile, nobody cares. | ||
| She didn't go to jail. | ||
| Everybody's like, okay. | ||
| Apparently a lot of people commit suicide after being on reality shows. | ||
| But you don't really sort of hear about it. | ||
| Just because you get so famous and then nobody gives a shit about you. | ||
| And you don't have money. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you don't have money. | ||
| That's heavy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's pretty well. | ||
| To have that kind of fame and out of nowhere. | ||
| And to not really know why you have it and then have it taken away from you. | ||
| And then to not have any money. | ||
| I mean, think about it. | ||
| Yeah, the kind of psychological tests apparently you have to take to be on a reality show are pretty hardcore. | ||
| Not in the Fear Factor days. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| I bet. | ||
| Yeah, they would just talk to people. | ||
| How you doing? | ||
| Ready to eat some dicks? | ||
| Were there like... | ||
| There were background checks and shit though, right? | ||
| A little, a few. | ||
| We clearly had some insane people on that show. | ||
| How much were they getting paid? | ||
| $50,000 if they won. | ||
| Sometimes it was more, like it was a big episode, like they would win a million. | ||
| We had one guy who won a million dollars and started speaking in tongues. | ||
| He was super religious and he was going to tithe 10% of his money. | ||
| It was like $100,000. | ||
| And that was one of the rare ones where they win a million. | ||
| But most of it was $50,000. | ||
| Did you get to have say in the stuff that they did? | ||
| No, no say. | ||
| And I most of the time didn't know. | ||
| I didn't know until I got there. | ||
| That's fucking crazy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Part of it was me. | ||
| I didn't want to know because I don't give a shit. | ||
| But part of it was because I thought it would be better if it was a surprise to me. | ||
| So the day of, I could be kind of more enthusiastic about it because it was so crazy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Because some of the stunts were so fucking crazy. | ||
| But there was a few times where I told them to stop. | ||
| I told them, don't do this. | ||
| To the contestants or producers? | ||
| Everybody. | ||
| I said, let's not do this one. | ||
| Don't do it. | ||
| And they were like, you're crazy. | ||
| We had people ride bulls. | ||
| And that was the first one. | ||
| I was like, you guys are out of your fucking mind. | ||
| This is so dangerous. | ||
| It's like the Roman games at this point. | ||
| Well, they had a 98-pound girl. | ||
| She was 98 pounds. | ||
| No. | ||
| She was so tiny. | ||
| And they made her ride the bull. | ||
| And she went flying through the air. | ||
| Just got so lucky that the bull didn't kick her in the face. | ||
| And I'm telling you, it kicked up and her head was here and the foot went like this. | ||
| Just right by her face. | ||
| By the way, is that even legal? | ||
| It's legal. | ||
| You sign off on the waiver. | ||
| People ride bulls. | ||
| Take a chance. | ||
| I mean, that's exactly what happened. | ||
| And I was telling people, don't do this. | ||
| And I told the producers, I said, don't do this. | ||
| Look, I... I've had a healthy fear of animals my whole life. | ||
| I was attacked by a goat when I was like seven years old. | ||
| So was Hitler. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Hitler lost a testicle to a goat. | ||
| A goat? | ||
| Is that a myth? | ||
| It sounds like a myth as I said it. | ||
| I remember him missing a testicle. | ||
| I think a goat bit one of his nuts. | ||
| I was butted by a goat and my stepfather had to come and save me. | ||
| Like a petting zoo? | ||
| No, I was at a farm co-op when we lived in San Francisco. | ||
| My stepdad went back to school, and he was originally a computer programmer, and then he was going back to school to be an architect. | ||
| And one of the things that he did with part of his university was they had some sort of... | ||
| Some sort of a farming co-op thing, where you had to take care of certain farming chores, and there was animals, like goats. | ||
| And I was a little kid, and I got left in this fucking room with this goat, this pen with a goat. | ||
| I'm sorry, I'm laughing. | ||
| It was fine for the beginning, and then the goat fucking just came at me and slammed his head into my chest. | ||
| Oh yeah, they're no joke. | ||
| And I remember I'm grabbing the horns, but I didn't have any strength. | ||
| I was a little kid. | ||
| I was maybe eight at the time. | ||
| And he had to come and save me. | ||
| And I was like, Jesus Christ. | ||
| And I remember thinking from that time on, like, oh, you've got to get this idea of what an animal is out of your head. | ||
| That thing didn't give a fuck if I died. | ||
| If it just stomped me to death, it would have been fine. | ||
| Was I right about that? | ||
| No. | ||
| That could be a total... | ||
| Did you Google Hitler's nuts? | ||
| Hitler goat nuts. | ||
| Because the government's going to come after you now. | ||
| There are two things about it. | ||
| Your algorithm's going to... | ||
| Doesn't have anything to do with it, I guess. | ||
| He had undescended testicle, apparently, and then he also had something called hypospadiasis. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hmm. | |
| Something to do with the urethra hole being on the underside of the penis and not where it should be. | ||
| Hitler had a fucked up penis. | ||
| Of course he did. | ||
| That's why he was so angry. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, it makes so much sense. | |
| Did he not have any goat accidents? | ||
| I typed in goat. | ||
| It said rat point. | ||
| It's like... | ||
|
unidentified
|
I need to figure out where that fucking came from. | |
| It says it was bit by a goat in his younger days. | ||
| Okay, bit by a goat. | ||
| Maybe he bit his balls. | ||
| How it was attached to his manhood. | ||
| I think every kid was bit by a goat at some point back then. | ||
| Back then? | ||
| Well, it's also why people always come to me. | ||
| It's like all this taking selfies with tigers and shit. | ||
| I'm like, what are you doing? | ||
| Right, what are you doing? | ||
| This is insane. | ||
| There's this new selfie culture where we all are taking selfies with the bears and shit. | ||
| It's like, use your head. | ||
| That's all everybody wants to do is take pictures with things now for their Facebook and Instagram. | ||
| I like the new fucking Rome. | ||
| I think we're going to look back and the same way we look at Caligula and Nero and we're like, oh, they used to just have lions fight elephants for entertainment. | ||
| Now we're going to look back and go, remember when we used to like take selfies with bears and ride elephants? | ||
| Well, in the future, you're just going to be able to blink and you're going to have a picture of things. | ||
| I think that's ultimately one of the ways they're going to get us. | ||
| This Elon Musk thing is kind of interesting because they're trying to put these little fibers in your brain and you'll have some sort of Bluetooth link that increases your bandwidth with the internet. | ||
| But I think the way they're going to get us is a hard drive that replaces your memory. | ||
| Because your memory is so shitty. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, I have a pretty decent memory in terms of being able to recall information and facts and stuff like that. | ||
| But if I had to draw a picture of a house that I lived in just 10 years ago, I'd be like, oh, I don't know what I saw. | ||
| But what about the things you want to forget? | ||
| Like our brain is pretty good at denial for self-preservation purposes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| So how will your brain handle it? | ||
| Because denial is a survival mechanism. | ||
| There are things we have to block out in order to continue functioning or else we'd go crazy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| So people, when they're molested when they're young, that's one of the things that they have hypnotic regression and then they remember it. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| Or EMDR or whatever the thing is that brings it to the surface. | ||
| But I think denial serves a really important part in a lot of people's psyches. | ||
| Yeah, for sure. | ||
| Or else you're going to… Allows you to move on. | ||
| Yeah, totally. | ||
| You know? | ||
| So that is what scares me. | ||
| It's going to be hard for, I think, trauma survivors. | ||
| Certainly people in the military. | ||
| There's probably some shit you want to forget. | ||
| Right, you'll be able to access it over and over again like the Bud Dwyer video. | ||
| Yeah, I don't want to play that shit on a loop. | ||
| My brain brilliantly erased that so I didn't have to think about it, you know? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's the one thing about that that's alarming to me. | ||
| But our memories are so flawed and there's this amazing neurologist in New York called Moran Cerf and he's got a bunch of shit on TED Talks and stuff. | ||
| And I went to this lecture he did in New York about how our memories essentially were like comics. | ||
| Like, we punch up the parts of stories that get the bigger responses. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| I mean, I've talked to so many friends about things that happen when we're younger, and their version of it is so different than mine. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I'm like, did we really do that? | ||
| I don't remember doing that. | ||
| I've had friends tell me about fights where I did something to somebody and I beat somebody's ass. | ||
| I'm like, I know that didn't happen. | ||
| Like, you might think that didn't happen. | ||
| I didn't beat anybody up. | ||
| Didn't I tell you about there was a time that I was in Portland with somebody and they were like, Joe Rogan, him and I got in a car accident in high school. | ||
| And remember, I texted you about it and you're like, that never happened. | ||
| Who was it? | ||
| I don't remember. | ||
| We got in a car accident? | ||
| What did he say? | ||
| Some guy was like, oh yeah, I know Joe Rogan. | ||
| We got in a car accident in high school. | ||
| I definitely got in a car accident in high school once. | ||
| But we texted about it and you were like, that didn't happen. | ||
| Oh, he had a crazy wonky story? | ||
| One of you had repressed it or it was just... | ||
| Well, I definitely had one car accident. | ||
| I hydroplaned right outside school. | ||
| I was leaving school. | ||
| I had a 1968 442. It's an Oldsmobile, like a hot rod. | ||
| And those cars, like old cars, when you hit water, they would just hydroplane. | ||
| And I fucking slammed into a tree or a telephone pole. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jesus. | |
| Smashed the car, fucked it up, but everybody was fine. | ||
| Does it spin? | ||
| Yeah, your car, you just, the wheel just goes away. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whee! | |
| And the car just slides. | ||
| It's super common with old cars, especially if you're You don't have good tires. | ||
| But I had a friend that came up to me, or he told another friend of mine about a fight that we had gotten into where I kicked somebody or something like that. | ||
| I was like, that never happened. | ||
| That never happened. | ||
| But he probably kept telling the story and telling the story and inflating it and getting laughs on it or whatever, you know? | ||
| I got super into terror management theory recently. | ||
| What's that? | ||
| It's basically like the guy that Becker, Ernest Becker, this is my dad died a couple years ago and I hadn't really had a lot of death and I started kind of just, I started getting into, and you called it too one time, one day you were like, you're doing too much shit. | ||
| Like, you're doing too much stuff. | ||
| Stop doing so much stuff. | ||
| And I didn't realize, like, when you have death and you're—basically, terror management theory is—this is something you know, of course, but that because we have a prefrontal cortex and we're basically the only animal that can ponder the future and the past, like, we know we're going to die. | ||
| And we can't tolerate that anxiety. | ||
| It's too stressful for us. | ||
| So we basically have to keep ourselves busy and do meaningless shit to feel important. | ||
| We have to win awards. | ||
| We have to have titles. | ||
| We have to get things. | ||
| In order to have a sense of immortality, right? | ||
| It's basically just managing the anxiety of knowing that we're rotting every day. | ||
| It's just dying and could die at any moment. | ||
| It's just like a false sense of control and longevity. | ||
| There's a great book called The Worm in the Hole, Solomon, something Solomon. | ||
| I read this book and it totally blew my mind because I realized so many of my behaviors were just about this fear of death because it had been sort of right in front of me so quickly. | ||
| And his death was so freak that I had a really hard time coping with the anxiety of death coming so suddenly and so shockingly and it fucked me up pretty bad. | ||
| But I started just making myself busy with super irrelevant shit in order to try to cope with that anxiety. | ||
| And so I got super into terror management theory. | ||
| Terror Management Theory. | ||
| Terror, like trying to manage the terror, the daily terror that we know we're going to die. | ||
| Is that the book? | ||
| Yeah, but it's a... | ||
| The Worm at the Core. | ||
| I tried something else. | ||
| It's a less corny cover, the one that I have. | ||
| But it's the same title? | ||
| TMT, Terror Management Theory. | ||
| Terror Management Theory is a little bit controversial, I think, because it also justifies some, like, supremacy thinking, a lot of I'm better than you and, like, cultural... | ||
| How so? | ||
| There's a guy named Solomon that did a talk about it just because you need so badly to feel important that you start to sort of have the delusion that you're better than other people. | ||
| Just because you feel so insignificant because you know you're going to die. | ||
| We know we're a speck of dust. | ||
| We know this is all ephemeral and fleeting and that we don't matter. | ||
| So we have to do things to feel like we matter. | ||
| Oh, that makes sense. | ||
| Because we don't. | ||
| So you sort of exercise your superiority over people in order to shield yourself from the futility of your existence. | ||
| Yes, and to feel immortal. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| And, you know what I mean, to procreate the idea of, because we know our mortality is so present in our amygdala all day, every day, that I'm better than you, therefore I'm going to procreate more and we are going to sustain and propagate. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| So that we have a sense of lasting-ness. | ||
| That's why we want to make a name for ourselves. | ||
| That's why we want to get famous, have tangible things, stuff like that. | ||
| It's an anxiety that manifests in materialism, workaholism, needing titles, sort of shit like that. | ||
| Wow, that makes sense. | ||
| So, nasty, evil people that subjugate all their employees and yell at everybody, like that's what they're doing? | ||
| Know they're going to die. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah, they know. | ||
| It's so deep in the subconscious. | ||
| They have no awareness of why they're behaving the way they're behaving. | ||
| It's wild. | ||
| They've done these studies where, because I got super into it, because I didn't recognize my behavior. | ||
| I felt like kind of a zombie. | ||
| I was trying to set up all these TV shows, and I was writing all these movies, and I was just like... | ||
| And I was like, this is so weird because my dad just died. | ||
| I should know exactly what matters in life, which is none of this shit, achievements or money or any of that. | ||
| But I was super into like, I got to buy this house and I need to get, you know, this and this thing and this watch. | ||
| And I was like, this is so not who I am. | ||
| But it was me trying to cope. | ||
| sort of with all of this anxiety about death. | ||
| But they did all these studies where they put, showed subject to video and subliminal messaging, put one frame of just the word death, imperceptible to the actual eye. | ||
| And afterwards, they showed people pictures of woods or cities and said, where would you rather be? | ||
| And you would normally go, beautiful woods, nature. | ||
| And they always pick cities because you just subconsciously felt more scared and wanted to be in a place that was safer. | ||
| Shit like that. | ||
| Cities are safer than the woods? | ||
| I mean, just the idea of some protection and civilization. | ||
| The woods are scary because we're, on some level, know that we're only superficially at the top of the food chain. | ||
| If we're out in the woods with a bear and there's no guns or cages, we're going to lose. | ||
| It's like the idea that we just know how vulnerable we are. | ||
| That's interesting because I would feel like there's some anxiety attached to the overpopulation aspect of cities. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| There's got to be some of that, right? | ||
| And the cars and the noises. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Constant noise. | |
| We're not designed for that, right? | ||
| The fight or flight. | ||
| We're always in fight or flight mode, basically. | ||
| Do you ever get a chance to go to places where there's no cell phone service and you're in the legitimate forest? | ||
| Ari's trying to get me to do the month no cell phone. | ||
| Ari's a weirdo. | ||
| Don't listen to that guy. | ||
| He's crazy. | ||
| He's crazy. | ||
| I'm like, that feels a little extreme, but I want to. | ||
| He's got the fucking flip phone thing going on. | ||
| But he's a real junkie. | ||
| I respect that. | ||
| He had a problem with food. | ||
| He was eating candy all day, every day. | ||
| And I was going, bro, what are you doing? | ||
| Recently? | ||
| Nah, a few years ago. | ||
| Years back, but he had a real problem with candy. | ||
| Ari develops these things, and he would get real obsessed with social media. | ||
| It's addictive. | ||
| It's fucking addictive. | ||
| I have an addictive personality. | ||
| I fucking get it. | ||
| But I'm trying. | ||
| I turned the colors off on the phone. | ||
| Let me see what it looks like. | ||
| Well, no, I don't have it now because I was fucking posting because my thing came out today. | ||
| But they say a lot of the reason it's so addictive is all the color. | ||
| So you can put it in grayscale so it's black and white. | ||
| There's a phone that they just released. | ||
| It's an Android phone that's all in grayscale. | ||
| It's like in that white paper shit that you get from a Kindle. | ||
| That's what I need. | ||
| It's so fucking unappealing. | ||
| You're just like, oh, fuck this. | ||
| Gross. | ||
| So I'm trying to do that shit. | ||
| I think that we're going to look back at this the way we look at cigarettes. | ||
| I think so, too. | ||
| We're going to be like, people used to use those. | ||
| I broke my phone in Hawaii last year, and it was like three days to get a new one. | ||
| I had to order one and get it sent to me from the mainland. | ||
| And, you know, I was on vacation. | ||
| And I was bow hunting. | ||
| So I was just tracking animals all day with no phone. | ||
| Which one's in Hawaii? | ||
| Lanai. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, cool. | |
| I mean, what animals? | ||
| Axis deer. | ||
| It's a deer that's native to India and they're overpopulated in Lanai. | ||
| There's thousands of them. | ||
| There's 20,000 deer and 3,000 people. | ||
| You've never seen anything like it. | ||
| It's fucking crazy. | ||
| And they have to hunt them. | ||
| It's like one of the places on the planet where there's a real ethical imperative. | ||
| To hunt these animals. | ||
| Because there's no predators. | ||
| So the only way they control their populations is through hunting. | ||
| That's the only way. | ||
| And if there's overpopulation, they graze and there's no food for all of them, right? | ||
| There's plenty of food. | ||
| It's a tropical island. | ||
| But the problem is, you run into this real possibility of disease. | ||
| It's just not good. | ||
| But the point being, I was there for a solid three days with no phone. | ||
| And it was this weird feeling of peace. | ||
| Yeah, fuck. | ||
| It's like it calmed me down in this weird way. | ||
| It's like the desire to check. | ||
| Let me check my email real quick. | ||
| Let me look at my photos. | ||
| Which one am I? I gotta post something on Instagram. | ||
| I'm gonna check my Twitter. | ||
| See if somebody sent me a direct message. | ||
| Let me see if anybody sent me any pictures that I want to look at. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You like that? | |
| Has Joey sent me any of his shits? | ||
| Show me so many logs. | ||
| I think something that is such an obvious solution, but I realize so much of going to the phone is to check time. | ||
| It's like the new pocket watch. | ||
| And then once you go to look at the time, then you see your text message. | ||
| You don't wear a watch? | ||
| I don't, and I need to. | ||
| I'm going to start to wear a watch, and then also getting a separate camera. | ||
| Because so much of what we do is to take pictures. | ||
| It's like, oh, I've got to take pictures of this, and then I'm on my phone. | ||
| Do you think you could use this with a flip phone? | ||
| Woo, big pause. | ||
| I'm going to say no. | ||
| My heart just stopped. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Wait a second, I'm not going to be able to get on... | ||
| You can't post on Instagram with a flip phone. | ||
| I'm not going to be able to get on TikTok. | ||
| What's TikTok? | ||
| Do you use TikTok? | ||
| You don't know about TikTok? | ||
| Oh, I know about it from my kids. | ||
| They do the TikTok. | ||
| I don't know what it is. | ||
| It's like live streaming dancing, from what I understand. | ||
| I know it only from Christina's page, because she puts on some... | ||
| Yeah, it started as a music app called Musical.ly. | ||
| It changed the name to TikTok. | ||
| But it's only people dancing. | ||
| It's a lot of kids. | ||
| Kids are all over it. | ||
| But you don't want to talk or be funny. | ||
| It's now become what Vine was. | ||
| But it's still based around music. | ||
| But wasn't Vine only like five seconds? | ||
| And this is a little bit longer. | ||
| But there's a lot of songs over the last year that have gotten popular off there, including like Old Town Road, which is the number one song now. | ||
| Oh, yeah, wow. | ||
| It got popular off of there. | ||
| Off of TikTok. | ||
| That's how it got popular? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Fuck. | ||
| Well, it got popular with my kids, for sure. | ||
| My kids knew about that song way before me. | ||
| They were singing it. | ||
| You never see... | ||
| There's a video of Lil Nas X, whatever his name is, at a school, and he's on stage, and these kids are singing along. | ||
| It is fucking adorable. | ||
| They're all singing along to the song. | ||
| It's really cute. | ||
| It's such a good song. | ||
| He's doing one with Dolly Parton, I think. | ||
| And what was the controversy? | ||
| They wouldn't let the song be on the country charts? | ||
| That was the big controversy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Racist. | |
| That's fucking racist. | ||
| That's all it is. | ||
| That is a goddamn country song. | ||
| Not Garth Brooks. | ||
| That other guy. | ||
| Cyrus is on it. | ||
| Billy Ray. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But once they put him on, then they allowed it on the country charts. | ||
| He wasn't in the original version. | ||
| So they had to put him on it, and then it made the country charts. | ||
| Am I wrong about that? | ||
| You are correct. | ||
| Well, you know, but Hootie was a country singer. | ||
| Yes, but he started out as a regular singer and then came over to country. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| His career kind of fell apart. | ||
| That was a plot twist. | ||
| Judy and the Blowfish went away. | ||
| Darius Rucker. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| He's really good. | ||
| He's got a beautiful voice. | ||
| Of all the things I remember. | ||
| And he, maybe that's his shit. | ||
| He's into it. | ||
| But his career was floundering in the other world. | ||
| And then he went into the world of hay and flannel. | ||
| And they took off. | ||
| I fucking drive home to a lot of his music. | ||
| I don't know why that... | ||
| Hootie and the Blowfish was a legit jam. | ||
| I wonder why they didn't last, right? | ||
| They're on tour again right now. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Hootie and the Blowfish? | ||
| I was going to say, but Aaron Lewis from Stained also is a country singer. | ||
| Oh, he's a huge country singer. | ||
| Bro, he wears MAGA hats and he's got Don't Tread on Me tattooed on his neck. | ||
| That was like during the time... | ||
| I met him. | ||
| Nice guy. | ||
| Where like all the bands were like... | ||
| Like there was like a... | ||
| There was like... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes! | |
| There was a moment where that's what all the music sound like. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And maybe that just went... | ||
| Like Train. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes! | |
| And Toad the Wet Sprocket and shit. | ||
| It was all that like... | ||
| Maybe we just got sick of it. | ||
| Pearl Jam. | ||
| They're all Pearl Jam clones. | ||
| Best. | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, totally. | |
| Can't find a better man. | ||
| Such a good song. | ||
| Yeah, it's a great song. | ||
| I fucking love that album. | ||
| So good. | ||
| I mean, that is so crazy when I think about that Jeremy Spoken song. | ||
| I had no idea. | ||
| It was so weird when it came out. | ||
| I had no concept of what it even fucking meant. | ||
| It was on Mix the other day, and I was like, God. | ||
| What was it about? | ||
| Suicide. | ||
| Oh, that's right. | ||
| Was it about a kid that blew his head off in Jeremy Spoken class today? | ||
| I think he blew his brains out. | ||
| Oh, Jesus. | ||
| In class, remember? | ||
| That video was fucking sinister. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| It was about suicide. | ||
| I used to make out to a suicide song. | ||
| I had no idea what it was even about. | ||
| There was a lot of really macabre shit going on back then with music. | ||
| Remember that Silverchair? | ||
| Remember that Silverchair video? | ||
| How about Nirvana Rape Me? | ||
| How about that? | ||
| Literally forgot about it until just this moment. | ||
| Rape me, my friend. | ||
| Used to dance to it. | ||
| Used to drink to it, smoke weed to it. | ||
| We used to sing along. | ||
| If it was on TikTok now, we'd be singing along to it. | ||
| What a crazy fucking... | ||
| Wild. | ||
| Who would be the Kurt Cobain of today? | ||
| That was such a big deal. | ||
| You can't have that with the internet. | ||
| Someone would meet to him. | ||
| They'd find out shit about him. | ||
| There'd be a dick pic. | ||
| People would get angry. | ||
| I mean, he had poor judgment. | ||
| He dated Courtney Love. | ||
| He married her, right? | ||
| But when he killed himself... | ||
| He would have definitely taken pictures of his dick. | ||
| Who's that big right now? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Who's that big of a star? | |
| There's so many stars now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I think we've diluted the pool. | ||
| And there's so many stars we've never heard of. | ||
| It used to be like there was a star we all knew about. | ||
| Well, we're old. | ||
| That's part of the problem. | ||
| There's people that someone... | ||
| I'm like, oh, who's that person? | ||
| They have 70 million followers. | ||
| I'm like, never heard of them. | ||
| You go to Instagram, you're like, what? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What? | ||
| Yeah, we're out of the loop. | ||
| I'm way more out of the loop than you. | ||
| He's more in the loop than both of us. | ||
| Do you think that changes in a couple weeks when they take the follower counts off of people being able to view it? | ||
| I thought that was only in Australia. | ||
| They're testing it in other countries before they drop it here. | ||
| How funny is that? | ||
| It's like fucking... | ||
| They try drugs out in other countries. | ||
|
unidentified
|
LAUGHTER They're trying out the follower count thing. | |
| That's going to be weird. | ||
| Why are they doing that? | ||
| Because they feel like they're doing a disservice to people by having them compete for follower counts? | ||
| Yeah, you won't be seeing other people's stuff, so it might... | ||
| That's how a lot of people make money. | ||
| I know. | ||
| I don't ever do ads on Instagram, but a lot of people do. | ||
| I don't either. | ||
| I bet you get offered to do a ton of shit. | ||
| A lot, but I say no. | ||
| Because you just think it's corny? | ||
| Yeah, I'll do ads for things I like where I put it up for free. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But I've never been paid. | ||
| Because it's something you believe in. | ||
| Yeah, like if someone says, oh, it's a fucking ad, like maybe it is an ad, but it's not an ad I'm getting paid for. | ||
| Like if I find something that's cool, I'll just put it up. | ||
| Like this is a badass movie. | ||
| I think that's why people trust you so much. | ||
| I think it helps. | ||
| And I've been offered a lot of money multiple times to do ads for things on Instagram. | ||
| And I'm like, look, I do ads on my podcast. | ||
| Everybody knows it's an ad. | ||
| I'm not doing that on Instagram. | ||
| That doesn't seem like it makes sense. | ||
| Like if someone goes to your Instagram, they want to see cool shit that you're interested in. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| They want to see a picture of something. | ||
| They want to see a picture of my dog or food or fucking sunset or a mountain or whatever the fuck it is. | ||
| They don't want to see sneakers that you're selling. | ||
| Unless it's like, but if it's a friend of mine's sneakers that he's selling, I'll take a picture of that and put it up. | ||
| But I don't want any money. | ||
| I think it feels corny. | ||
| You know, I think for you, especially, I think people trust you so much and you're known for telling the truth and not selling out. | ||
| If you had a hashtag ad, everyone was like, what? | ||
| Like, it just feels... | ||
| Paid ad sponsored. | ||
| Well, it's like your thing. | ||
| It would just be like, make a good product. | ||
| I'll post about it. | ||
| Yeah, I do it for free all the time. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I really do. | ||
| And people I don't even know. | ||
| If they have something cool, I'll put it up there. | ||
| Have you ever felt like, oh, fuck, that's a lot of money? | ||
| No. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| It's not worth it. | ||
| Because you probably lose in the long run. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's like, if I was poor, yeah, I would do it. | ||
| Yeah, if I was poor, I'd do it. | ||
| I did Fear Factor. | ||
| Fuck, I'd do a lot of horror shit. | ||
| I'm not above whoring myself, but I'm not going to whore myself if I have money. | ||
| That doesn't make any sense. | ||
| But that is weird because I wonder how a lot of people make money from putting ads on Instagram. | ||
| It's not related directly to this, but they deleted a bunch of accounts apparently yesterday. | ||
| Accounts that had up to 13 million followers. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Like meme accounts and shit. | ||
| Deleted the whole account? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| For a couple of reasons, they might have done it. | ||
| Well, there's a lot of meme accounts that steal jokes. | ||
| For stealing stuff. | ||
| A lot. | ||
| A lot. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| They make money off of it. | ||
| There was a girl, you saw that girl on, is it Meg Wright, who was calling out that Fuck Jerry guy? | ||
| Who was just doing comics jokes? | ||
| Was that his name? | ||
| I don't know, Meg Wright. | ||
| Oh, she was a comedy person, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| Good for her. | ||
| Yeah, and who was just, like, connecting the comics joke to the meme. | ||
| There's so many of them. | ||
| Well, at least they slowed down. | ||
| Like, the progress of that fat Jewish guy, that slowed down. | ||
| He doesn't have nearly the sort of trajectory he used to have, but that was all what he was about. | ||
| It was just, like, taking people's shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| And repurposing it and making a lot of money. | ||
| And then also getting on television shows, being interviewed, and not having a fucking talent at all. | ||
| Just reposting things. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know. | |
| I have people DM me all the time. | ||
| Hey, now that everyone's scared, can I use your tweet in my Instagram feed? | ||
| Now I have to do work to say yes so you can... | ||
| But yeah, a lot of people are like curators, I think is what they call it. | ||
| Is that why they deleted them? | ||
| I was reading that article. | ||
| They could have been taking advertising money and not saying it, undercutting Instagram's advertising deals, reposting people's shit. | ||
| That end of the article said that there is no way they can get those accounts back. | ||
| It's non-negotiable. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Fuck off. | ||
| But so will it basically go, everyone's going to have no followers? | ||
| You won't be able to see, you'll be able to see your account? | ||
| Like, you'll know that you still have whatever. | ||
| So I'm going to, every day, I'm going to post an Instagram photo of my account. | ||
| Yeah, people are going to do that. | ||
| Recognize, bitches. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I posted. | |
| Recognize. | ||
| Maybe it's because, like, I mean, people are fucking falling off cliffs taking selfies. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Have you seen that? | ||
| It's like the fucking Darwin Awards at this point. | ||
| But you'll still be able to see the likes. | ||
| You just won't be able to see your followers. | ||
| You can't see that either. | ||
|
unidentified
|
None of it. | |
| You'll be able to see how many likes you have on your photos. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But you're going to screen grab it and post it? | |
| What I'll do is I'll post something in the morning and then three times throughout the day I'll post it to see how many likes I got so everybody can see. | ||
| That's for sure going to happen. | ||
| Such a gangster move. | ||
| Twitter would be so mad. | ||
| Instagram would be so mad at you. | ||
| You're fucking bypassing it. | ||
| Like showing your metrics. | ||
| Post it on your Twitter account. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, that's the move. | ||
| Post it on my Twitter account. | ||
| Post it on my Facebook because that's a dumpster. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It is. | |
| My Facebook's a dumpster. | ||
| I just don't even look at it. | ||
| I don't even, yeah. | ||
| I just dump things over there. | ||
| Doesn't yours just connect to it? | ||
| Like it just automatically posts? | ||
| But it's interesting because it clearly reflects my lack of interaction because, like, I only have two million Facebook followers, whereas, like, everything else is way more than that. | ||
| Well, that's the whole engagement thing now. | ||
| So there was this, I, social media, it's a full-time job, so I was talking to a bunch of people to run my social media, and they're like, well, you have to engage people to get in the algorithm now. | ||
| You have to ask a question so that people, like, you notice that celebrities for a while kept going, like, so what are you doing this weekend? | ||
| I just thought they were dumb. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| What do you like to cook on, you know, taco night? | ||
| Like, it was all these, like, insincere questions because they wanted people to answer so they could get into the algorithm. | ||
| Oh, that makes sense. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I read one that said, what's your least favorite chore? | ||
| Like, what in the fuck are you? | ||
| What are you? | ||
| It's the amount of... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Are you a robot? | |
| If you get... | ||
| By the way, the shot of this is so funny because she just looks like a dead body. | ||
| She's done with us. | ||
| She checked out. | ||
| She was with us for a while. | ||
| Oh, fuck, she's off. | ||
| Oh, because I didn't have her on chat because she kept stealing my thunder and distracting you. | ||
| You're back, bitch. | ||
| There she's back. | ||
| Wake up, hooker. | ||
| Look over here. | ||
| Hey! | ||
| What's up, bitch? | ||
| I've got to end this. | ||
| I've got to be at the comedy store in two hours. | ||
| I know, fuck. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I've got to go home and hug my kids. | |
| Alright, Whitney Cummings, your new Netflix special available right fucking now. | ||
| Don't worry about following me because followers don't matter anymore. | ||
| Followers do not matter. | ||
| Don't like any of our photos. | ||
| Liking doesn't mean anything. | ||
| Alright, bye everybody. |
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