April 2, 2019 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:55:47
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
| Four... | ||
| Three... | ||
| Two... | ||
| One... | ||
| Pow, Luis Gomez! | ||
| We are live. | ||
| We are live, connected through the interwebs and through a network of comedians, Luis Gomez. | ||
| Luis J. Gomez. | ||
| Luis J. Gomez. | ||
| Why do you like the J? Because go Google Luis Gomez and watch how many baseball players, criminals, fucking... | ||
| That's a problem, making people use the J. That's very pretentious for a guy like you. | ||
| I agree. | ||
| No, no, it is. | ||
| I understand. | ||
| But you have to. | ||
| But it's almost like... | ||
| It's almost ironic because I'm such a piece of garbage, so I would have like a middle initial. | ||
| Right, like you're like a luminary. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Some important intellectual. | ||
| Yeah, it is. | ||
| But yeah, it separates me as well. | ||
| But I almost feel like I've made it a joke at this point to correct everyone that doesn't say the J. So if I didn't correct you, I wouldn't be being true to myself. | ||
| I understand. | ||
| So, Luis J. Gomez. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| I feel like... | ||
| We've talked about this ad nauseum on the podcast, but I think this is one of the most unique times for networks of comedians, that we're all connected together in a way that we weren't really before. | ||
| It was always like East Coast versus West Coast for some stupid fucking reason. | ||
| There was always this debate where the best comics are from and the style of comedy, but that shit seems to be out the window. | ||
| Yeah, the internet. | ||
| Nate Bargatze lives in fucking Tennessee. | ||
| Who's that? | ||
| He's a great comic. | ||
| Squeaky Clean. | ||
| Squeaky Clean. | ||
| My son's godfather. | ||
| Just did a Netflix special. | ||
| How do you spell his last name? | ||
| B-A-R-G-A-T-Z-E. Brilliant comic. | ||
| G-A-T-Z-E. T-Z-E. But he grew up in Tennessee, and he was like, dude, I don't want to live in New York or L.A. Good for him. | ||
|
unidentified
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He's smart. | |
| I want to buy a big house for $300,000, a fucking mansion. | ||
| Get ready for the zombies. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The zombies, you want to live in that house like that old dude and his daughter did. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You want to live out there and have a fucking perimeter protected. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Guys like Stan Hope, he hasn't been in L.A. He's been at Bisbee for 12 years now, that psychopath. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| RIP to Stan Hope's dog. | ||
| Stan Hope buried his dog yesterday. | ||
| Did a big thing on social media about it. | ||
| Very touching. | ||
| Very touching. | ||
| They had to put their dog down. | ||
| Sad. | ||
| I went through that last year with two dogs. | ||
| They both couldn't walk anymore. | ||
| I mean, I held on as long as I can, but I had to carry my dog. | ||
| In and out of the house. | ||
| I had to carry him to eat. | ||
| I had to carry him outside. | ||
| And he was 140 pounds. | ||
|
unidentified
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Right. | |
| It was just awful. | ||
| Why couldn't they walk? | ||
| He was old, man. | ||
| Doing jiu-jitsu with them. | ||
| I feel a lot of leg locks. | ||
| I feel like the dog should have some good defense if he wants to protect my fucking house. | ||
| Yeah, their fucking legs. | ||
| Oh, God. | ||
| No, he's just a big dog that's really old. | ||
| He was 13, which is super old for a Mastiff. | ||
| Oh yeah, those are huge dogs. | ||
| Really old. | ||
| He's what's called a Regency Mastiff. | ||
| He was part Neapolitan Mastiff and part Pit Bull. | ||
| But the guy, my friend Joe, who raised them and bred them, he bred out all of the animal aggression. | ||
| So he wouldn't let any dogs breed if they're aggressive towards people or they're aggressive towards other dogs. | ||
| So what you get is this super chill, massive dog. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Who's athletic. | ||
| Like, they're small. | ||
| Like, a Mastiff is like, they can go like 200 plus pounds. | ||
| But those dogs are not very athletic. | ||
| They don't move very good. | ||
| Right, but this one was a mix. | ||
| These are like 140. They're like a fucking running back. | ||
| I got a kid, so I have a hard time bringing beasts into my home that can kill a child. | ||
| Very wise. | ||
| And it's sad, and I'm not one of these anti-pit bull people, but I do understand when you see irresponsible owners, it's not the dog, you have an asshole, some fucking kid who doesn't know how to train a pit bull the proper way, an animal that can literally kill somebody, and you see them, they maul children, and they, you know, And it's such a sad thing, so I get terrified. | ||
| Anytime I see my kid, I walk through the streets of New York City with him. | ||
| I live in Harlem, so every other block is like the hood, and then it's nice, and then it's the hood. | ||
| New York is so weird like that. | ||
| I figured out how to do that. | ||
| Yeah, it's... | ||
| That's what they call gentrification, right? | ||
| Sort of. | ||
| I mean, I guess it's more racially they're talking with gentrification, sort of. | ||
| I think it's like a class thing. | ||
| Because I grew up in a really shitty... | ||
| I grew up in the suburbs, but very poor, welfare, Section 8, and... | ||
| Kids in the city, though, when they grow poor, they're like, on the next block, there's like a millionaire. | ||
| Or they're on the subway, and there's some fucking dude who's going to Wall Street. | ||
| They're just constantly around an energy of success, which is a very different thing when you go to the suburbs or rural areas. | ||
| It's depressing. | ||
| Nobody's striving to even get out, really. | ||
| Right. | ||
| No, that's a very good point, right? | ||
| You get to be truly integrated in New York City. | ||
| Where L.A. is missing that. | ||
| L.A. is missing that in a big way. | ||
| L.A., you have rich people and poor people. | ||
| They're separated by cars. | ||
| They're separated by neighborhoods. | ||
| You can't hang out. | ||
| You have to be in that social circle. | ||
| Because people always debate, like, oh, who's got hotter chicks in New York or L.A.? And the answer is L.A. But in New York, you're going to see them. | ||
| In New York, like, you walk down the street, me and Ari did, he does a podcast every year called Happy Boobie Day, and we did it last year at the Legion of Skanks, and all it is, Happy Boobie Day, it's today, to be honest with you, it's the first, it's the first, like, days of spring, usually end of March, beginning of April, and it's the first day that girls wear, like, mini skirts out, and their tits are just hanging out, and we literally just walked through the streets following hot chicks, commenting, it was the most, I mean, you literally, I don't even know I don't even know how we have careers at all. | ||
| We did this a year ago. | ||
| This isn't fucking 20 years ago. | ||
| But you get to see them. | ||
| You get to interact with them. | ||
| In LA, you're not interacting with a crazy hot model unless you know the right people. | ||
| You'd have to be standing somewhere where they go. | ||
| Because in LA, if you wanted to meet, you'd have to run a casting agency. | ||
| That's what you'd have to do. | ||
| That's why those guys started that shit. | ||
| That's why they did that. | ||
| How many people went into the business just so they meet girls? | ||
| Just to get pussy. | ||
| Like 30% of them? | ||
|
unidentified
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That whole Motley Crue movie, they're unapologetic about it. | |
| They're unapologetic. | ||
|
unidentified
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They're like, yeah, we did this. | |
| Mick Morris was like, if it wasn't for groupies, in a real interview, if it wasn't for groupies, I wouldn't even become a musician. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, people would criticize that, like, oh, that's so gross, this should be a real artist. | ||
| Listen, that is a crazy life. | ||
| You do not understand. | ||
| No one understands. | ||
| I don't understand. | ||
| There's no fucking, like, we had David Lee Roth in here a couple weeks ago. | ||
| There's no fucking way any of us will ever understand what it was like to be David Lee Roth. | ||
| That is not humanly possible. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It is not possible. | ||
| And to come out the other end as fucking cool as that guy is, how the hell did that happen? | ||
| I feel like I'm dying, and I don't party at all, really. | ||
| I drink a little bit, and I feel like every day I'm like, is that my liver? | ||
| I don't even know where my liver is on my body. | ||
| I swear to God, I couldn't point to my liver on my body. | ||
| Okay, if you're standing in an orthodox stance and someone hits you with a left hook to the body, that's where your liver is. | ||
| That's why guys drop. | ||
| Right here? | ||
| Yep. | ||
| It's right under your ribs. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| So when you punch somebody in the liver, a lot of guys mistakenly go below the ribs. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You'd want to go right where the floating rib has to get. | ||
| So the rib bounces into the... | ||
| Yeah, if you watched like Shannon the Cannon Briggs, shout out to the champ. | ||
| Oh, look at David Roth in that picture. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
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Oof. | |
| Look at that. | ||
| Come on, man. | ||
| Nobody lives like that. | ||
| That guy was on top of the goddamn world. | ||
| He was built like a Greek god. | ||
| He could do full splits. | ||
| He would do fucking wheel kicks on stage and shit. | ||
| Dude, the level of sex this guy must have had. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Off the charts. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| To be honest with you, when I started comedy, I started comedy idolizing guys like that. | ||
| I grew up on 80s metal. | ||
| Woo! | ||
| I started a comedy 15 years ago. | ||
| It was literally a different time. | ||
| You didn't really have to shy away from being like, yeah, I want to fuck after a show. | ||
| That wasn't a crazy thought. | ||
| No, it wasn't. | ||
| People still want to do it, but now it's just a quiet... | ||
| Now they have to keep their mouth shut. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Hey, go to Shannon the Cannon Briggs page, his Instagram page. | ||
| There's something very funny that Tucker Carlson said. | ||
| I know people are like, oh my god, don't even quote him. | ||
| He says something very funny. | ||
| He's funny as shit. | ||
| He says something very funny about some other news anchor, that this is all the men that are going to be left if radical feminists take over the world. | ||
| Apologetic, bespectacle. | ||
| I forget the way he phrased it, but it was very funny. | ||
| I was like, there's a lot of fucking people like that. | ||
| There's a lot of guys like that out there. | ||
| They don't want to be that guy. | ||
| They're stuck. | ||
| That's all they can pull off. | ||
| Well, they're doing probably the smarter move because we're going down a path where I don't think they're saying, oh, the pendulum will swing back and we're going to eventually be able to celebrate rape culture again. | ||
| It's never going to happen. | ||
| We are going down a path where... | ||
| You know, on television and entertainment, you see what's being booked. | ||
| You see what's being pushed out there. | ||
| And look, despite the fact that there's a political message and everything, there's still some good shit out there. | ||
| It's not like it's bad content. | ||
| You know, that's one of the reasons why I posted that Tim Dillon video yesterday. | ||
| Do you have that Shannon Cannon one? | ||
| There's one where he hits this dude like... | ||
| It's one of his more recent fight clips that he put up. | ||
| The fight starts, it goes like 10 seconds, and he steps towards this dude and hits him with a left hook to the body and crumples him. | ||
| And I just want to show you, he's like a master at the liver shot. | ||
| The liver shot. | ||
| He's one of the best heavyweights of all time when it comes to liver shots. | ||
| He was so good at it. | ||
| If you would have said point to your liver... | ||
| Watch this. | ||
| Watch this. | ||
| This is Shannon McKenna. | ||
| Watch this liver. | ||
|
unidentified
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Bang! | |
| That's it. | ||
| See, he goes to the body and then down to the gut. | ||
| He'll pop you with the jab, pop you with the hook upstairs. | ||
| Watch this. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| See, they're just showing it. | ||
| Boom. | ||
| Watch the left hook. | ||
| Pop! | ||
| What's this? | ||
| Upstairs, boom! | ||
| And then downstairs. | ||
| That's one of them, but that's not the one where he stopped the dude. | ||
| He just came jumping out of the gate. | ||
| But there's another one, I think a little bit further back than that, honestly. | ||
| Dude, he looks like he hits so hard. | ||
| He hits so hard. | ||
| He's a big, giant dude. | ||
| Boxers just in general, like, you know, we obviously both watch a lot of MMA. I don't really watch boxing, but now that I'm a pretty big MMA fan, I watch boxing in a different... | ||
| And the way they punch, it looks... | ||
| So devastating. | ||
| Oh, for sure. | ||
| I remember one time we did a street promotion. | ||
| I was running street teams in New York City for comedy clubs, even before I started comedy. | ||
| And we did a thing where we got boxing gloves and headgear, and we just went out and we were challenging people to come in and just box, and if they could beat me in a boxing match. | ||
| I've never fucking trained a day in my life, but if they could just simply beat me in a boxing match, they got free tickets to the show that night. | ||
| It was just a way to generate a crowd, and my street team guys were selling tickets to people trying to go to a dumb comedy show. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| Do you think it helped your act at all? | ||
| I wasn't even doing comedy at that point. | ||
| Get your head punched? | ||
| I wasn't even doing comedy. | ||
| Watch this guy. | ||
| See that left to the body? | ||
| See how he digs that? | ||
| Watch that one more time. | ||
| Watch how he sets it up. | ||
| He jabs to the head, and then when you cover upstairs... | ||
|
unidentified
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Ooh. | |
| Look at that. | ||
| Boom! | ||
| He hits you with the left hook to the face, but it's a quick left hook to set up the left hook to the body. | ||
| And by the way, he's 50. Yeah. | ||
| I see his beard. | ||
| He's a fucking animal. | ||
| Gets up by his face. | ||
| Nobody wants to fight him. | ||
| But I think there's also a TRT issue. | ||
| But nobody wants to fight him right now. | ||
| He has a hard time getting fights. | ||
| Well, that's his chin, bro. | ||
| Leave his chin alone. | ||
| Don't make fun of his facial hair. | ||
| The guy just got fucked up by the cannon. | ||
| Let's go, champ! | ||
| If you go to his Instagram page, it's all, let's go, champ! | ||
| Let's go, champ! | ||
| It's very inspiring, man. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| Like, if I want to feel good, I go to Shannon the Cannon's Instagram page. | ||
| Is that where you go? | ||
| Yeah, he makes me feel good. | ||
| It's all positive. | ||
| It's like, let's go, champ! | ||
| And he's like, you gotta drink more water, champ! | ||
| You gotta eat healthy, champ! | ||
| Here he is. | ||
| Look at him. | ||
| It's the champ! | ||
| He's always like super friendly. | ||
| Me and Bisping had him on the show once. | ||
| We had him call in. | ||
| I think Bisping knows him pretty well. | ||
| You gotta be there with him live. | ||
| Yeah, he's all personality. | ||
| Yeah, he's like a battery. | ||
| He's got a blank Santa Claus. | ||
| Look at him. | ||
| He's got some serious white in that beard. | ||
| Hell yeah. | ||
| I think he's still trying to fight. | ||
| He had some sort of a TRT issue. | ||
| You know, testosterone replacement therapy. | ||
| They should make a separate league where you just let the guys take fucking steroids and TRT, and who cares? | ||
| Especially older guys. | ||
| Yeah, Vitor Belfort's now going to 1FC. Yeah, I know. | ||
| And looks good again. | ||
| Looking sexy. | ||
|
unidentified
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Of course. | |
| Looking all filled out. | ||
| Did you see Eddie Alvarez's eye? | ||
| Yeah, he got fucked up. | ||
| Yeah, that dude, he fought. | ||
| Timothy Nastukin, I think is his last name. | ||
| That guy's a beast. | ||
| That 1FC show was legit. | ||
| Have you watched it? | ||
| I've watched just highlights. | ||
| I don't have time to watch all the UFC fights at this time, so it's hard to watch the other cards as well. | ||
| But once in a while, I'll watch some Bellator. | ||
| I'll watch 1FC. Damn, look at that eye. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| His eye is fucked up. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| That's terrible. | ||
| That's a terrible injury. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That looks like it split his eyelid. | ||
|
unidentified
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It did. | |
| Oh my god. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| It split his fucking eyelid, dude. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| People don't realize that side of it? | ||
| I mean, that's fucking... | ||
| Well, touch your face. | ||
| I mean, you had a little bit of an MMA fight. | ||
| You know what it's like. | ||
| Not really. | ||
| You did. | ||
| It was a fight. | ||
| It was a fight against another comedian. | ||
| You beat a comedian up. | ||
| It was very impressive. | ||
|
unidentified
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Hey, hey. | |
| It was. | ||
| He had a Taekwondo black belt from when he was 14 years old. | ||
| I need to take that back. | ||
|
unidentified
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No, I now have a Taekwondo black belt. | |
| People forget how to do shit, man, if you don't all bullshit aside. | ||
| But they also gave out a lot of Taekwondo black belts that are 100% horseshit. | ||
| Of course, it's part of the business. | ||
| If you're not giving your belts out, you're not going to get people to come back. | ||
| Dude, I know a lot of people that were like, my son's nine years old and he just got his black belt. | ||
| I went like, ugh. | ||
| What are you even saying? | ||
| I will beat the shit out of that kid. | ||
| Everyone will. | ||
| That's the problem. | ||
| Even other nine-year-olds will. | ||
| Just an actual tough, athletic kid. | ||
| A mean kid. | ||
| Who's not afraid of getting hit. | ||
| That's the difference between kids who will do karate and kick a board. | ||
| There's also the kids that are just from the hood that have been being punched in the face by their uncles and fathers since they were a baby. | ||
| And they are just ready to fight. | ||
| And being hit to them... | ||
| It's like you get desensitized to it. | ||
| If you do any sort of training or if you have a really tough environment, you actually get desensitized to it. | ||
| You realize after being hit a few times that once adrenaline kicks in, it doesn't really hurt. | ||
| It hurts after the fact. | ||
| So I think you have those kids that will just... | ||
| I mean, wreck their shit. | ||
| Just a little nine-year-old from the hood that's a tough kid? | ||
| Kids that grow up around violence. | ||
| If you get in street fights all the time, if you run other kids get in street fights, people show you how to do things, you learn things. | ||
| There's a lot of kids that are 10, 11 years old that live in poor neighborhoods, whether it's South Boston or South Side of Chicago, whatever, any dangerous neighborhood that's filled with poverty. | ||
| Those kids will be more apt to succeed in fights. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They understand how to fight better. | ||
| They'll pull the trigger. | ||
| They're not going to be... | ||
| That's really the thing. | ||
| They're going to know they have to pull the trigger. | ||
| Because people will pull the trigger on them. | ||
| Whereas there's a lot of people that talk a lot of shit, but they never really pull the trigger. | ||
| Well, you see those guys. | ||
|
unidentified
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Those are the guys who are... | |
| When I say pull the trigger, obviously I mean punch someone. | ||
| I don't mean actually pull the trigger. | ||
| Oh, you said Chicago. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, even anywhere. | ||
| I mean, it's like... | ||
| Especially after that Nipsey Hussle guy got killed. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| That's so sad. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| On video, too, they have the... | ||
| Oh, Jesus Christ. | ||
| I'm not a hip-hop fan at all, but apparently it was very positive, like anti-violence. | ||
| It wasn't like a thuggy rapper that was promoting drug dealing and gang violence, which I don't really know if even people do that as much anymore. | ||
| I don't know, but by all accounts, this guy was loved. | ||
| It's just beyond fucked. | ||
| That is still going on in this world. | ||
| It was, if I'm not mistaken, he got into a fight with a guy, right? | ||
| And the guy came back with a gun. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| And shot him. | ||
| That's what I read. | ||
| I think it was like a... | ||
| Something along those lines. | ||
| Something along those lines. | ||
| Because when you hear about a hip-hop artist come down, you're like, oh, is this some long-standing beef? | ||
| And who knows? | ||
| But I think it was literally a fight. | ||
| That these guys got in and the guy came back with a gun and just fucking started unloading, which is brutal. | ||
| That's literally how my father died. | ||
| Literally, well, except with a knife, which is a much more hardcore way to do it. | ||
| But my dad was outside of a strip club at 4 o'clock in the morning, got into an argument with a kid, you know, like a 16-year-old kid. | ||
| And they got into a fistfight, you know, and the kid came back like an hour later with a kitchen knife and stabbed him. | ||
| That's that. | ||
| And it's like, God, it also takes a different type of person to kill. | ||
| I'm not the kid in the hood who's just ready to pull the trigger and punch somebody. | ||
| I grew up in a weird way where I was thought, well, you wait until they throw the first punch, which is a terrible strategy. | ||
| But that's sort of the way that I always... | ||
| It was always like fistfights in the parking lot with your friends. | ||
| You weren't trying to really hurt each other. | ||
| It was you got into an argument over a video game and you went out back in the parking lot and you beat each other up for two minutes. | ||
| And then that was that. | ||
| But guys that are willing to kill somebody over whatever, just an argument, take their life completely without any... | ||
| They lose sense of the repercussions of it as well, which is sort of like... | ||
| That's something that I think would separate most people and go like, I don't want to go to jail. | ||
| There's cameras. | ||
| I think a giant chunk of it is how they're... | ||
| What experiences they have growing up? | ||
| Like, what happens to them? | ||
| Are they abused? | ||
| Are they beaten? | ||
| Are they around a lot of violence? | ||
| What are they exposed to? | ||
| And then how much more likely are you to commit that violence? | ||
| Yeah, to push that onto the next person. | ||
| That's really what it is. | ||
| I mean, that's the vast majority. | ||
| I mean, it's not a shocker that so much violent crime comes from poor neighborhoods. | ||
| It's like it makes itself. | ||
| It makes itself. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| It's almost like a virus. | ||
| I agree. | ||
| And I, you know, I grew up, my mom was extremely abusive, you know, and I grew up with around a ton of violence, a ton of physical and emotional abuse, verbal abuse, always the threat of violence, the drop of a hat. | ||
| It was always immediately to, I'll beat the shit out of you if you don't do what I say, even if she wasn't being violent. | ||
| And I, dude, I go the opposite, dude. | ||
| You know, with my son, dude, literally my son, I've never even spanked him. | ||
| I've never smacked him on the hand. | ||
| I've never even really yelled at my son. | ||
| And I don't think that I got lucky and have a good kid. | ||
| I do have a good kid. | ||
| I have a great kid. | ||
| But I think it's a direct correlation to me not being aggressive with him. | ||
| Right. | ||
| At all. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I talk. | ||
| Talking is huge, right? | ||
| I have little conversations with them. | ||
| Don't just tell them what to do. | ||
| Well, you have to give them a why. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You have to give them the why. | ||
| If they don't understand why, you know, that just in general in life, people just in general, if they understand why something, there's a real purpose there and then they do what they're doing You know, with that purpose in mind. | ||
| And I think when little kids, they're so malleable, and sometimes it's annoying for them to ask why two or three times, and it's easy to lose your patience. | ||
| But what you realize is what you're, you know, that's, you know, I'm a piece of shit, I'll admit, I'm the first one to admit it, but the only good thing I do, I think, is the fact that I'm creating this good little person. | ||
| He's a really good, sweet person that I think is going to be all the shit that I didn't really have or all the good qualities that I think I could have maybe had if I was raised the right way. | ||
| I'm trying to give my son. | ||
| And I think that's a really big responsibility. | ||
| And that's why I feel bad when you see real violence like that. | ||
| Like fucking people that are being really... | ||
| You're like, dude, I know that person experienced some crazy shit. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| And it's not their fault in a weird way. | ||
| And it's definitely not. | ||
| You know, I never lived in the worst neighborhood in the world, but I lived in a shady one for quite a bit. | ||
| We lived in a place called Jamaica Plain outside of Boston for about a year. | ||
| My parents knew immediately who we had to get the fuck out of there. | ||
| I think we stayed maybe a year, a little over a year. | ||
| We got out of there as quick as we can, but there was a lot of break-ins. | ||
| It was lower income. | ||
| It wasn't terrible. | ||
| It wasn't like gang violence, shoot-em-up type shit, but there was a lot of criminals. | ||
| There was a lot of shady shit, fights. | ||
| Shitty poverty. | ||
| It doesn't have to be like gangs. | ||
| Poverty makes people do crazy shit. | ||
| It does. | ||
| I was never around kids that were that aggressive. | ||
| Kids were always trying to fight me. | ||
| I just moved there. | ||
| We just moved there from Florida. | ||
| I was like, fuck, I've got to get out of here. | ||
| It's what led me to martial arts. | ||
| How old were you? | ||
|
unidentified
|
13. Teenage boy. | |
| Almost a man. | ||
| You're going through puberty at this point. | ||
| That's a scary time. | ||
| And there was all these kids that were just... | ||
| They were already fucked. | ||
| They were already doing drugs. | ||
| They were drinking in Jamaica Plain. | ||
| Is this like low-income white? | ||
| White and Puerto Rican. | ||
| Mostly that. | ||
| Mostly white and Puerto Rican. | ||
| It was a lot of it. | ||
| Just a lot of cigarette smokers. | ||
| At 13, kids were smoking cigarettes already. | ||
| They were drinking all the time. | ||
| I used to light my mom's cigarettes for her when I was 10. Is that crazy? | ||
| I swear to God. | ||
| Greg Fitzsimmons lived in a house... | ||
| With two parents that were chain smokers in an apartment and they never opened the windows in the winter. | ||
| Are you crazy? | ||
| My mom never... | ||
| Just think about that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
There's no sense... | |
| My mom smoked her entire pregnancy with me. | ||
| Me too. | ||
| Dog. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, they don't... | ||
| And look, once again, she doesn't know kind of... | ||
|
unidentified
|
They didn't know that. | |
| They knew. | ||
| They sort of knew. | ||
| The jury was out on smoking while you were pregnant, I think, in 82 when I was born. | ||
| Oh yeah, for 82. I'm 67. Your mom has zero excuses. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, I thought you... | |
| My mom was in the 60s, man. | ||
| They didn't know shit. | ||
| Yeah, I guess in the 60s it was like you had to read a book. | ||
| It was only 20. Yeah, my mom was 22. Stop and think of that. | ||
| My mom was 20. Like that is crazy. | ||
| Imagine that. | ||
| How old were you when you had your first kid? | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
40. You're 40. That's so perfect. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Such a perfect time. | ||
| I was 30, which is too young. | ||
| And I think my mom was 18 when she had my sister. | ||
| Yeah, it's just the act of when you started, if you started at 20, if you started at 40, the act of raising another human being, it just changes who the fuck you are. | ||
| It just does. | ||
| It's like everything switches and gets weird. | ||
| And then you're like, oh, I'm responsible for shaping your life and at least helping to shape your life. | ||
| And if I do a good job, you'll be a good person. | ||
| You'll go out there and you'll make more good people and you'll meet good people, which is really what everybody wants. | ||
| At the end of the day, everybody wants camaraderie and love and friendship and... | ||
| That's why, like, what's the worst shit that can happen today? | ||
| You get canceled. | ||
| Everybody wants to cancel people. | ||
| You're out! | ||
| Get out of here! | ||
| You're done! | ||
| It's over! | ||
| There's a weird thrill to that. | ||
| Which is a strange... | ||
| It's also like, I want you to not be able to make money. | ||
| But it's not even just that. | ||
| And I want you to starve or be homeless. | ||
| I don't really understand that. | ||
| It's not specific. | ||
| It's not specific in terms like they don't want you to be able to make an income. | ||
| They want to hurt you. | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
| Because they're scared of someone doing it to them. | ||
| This is a big part of why people pull the trigger on that stuff. | ||
| People are calling for people to get canceled for like nothing. | ||
| Like little tiny things. | ||
| Never again! | ||
| It's because they're scared of it actually happening. | ||
| So this is like you have this ultimate power. | ||
| To just get upset at someone for virtually anything. | ||
| Pick a cause. | ||
| Whatever it is. | ||
| It's sort of intoxicating and it's fun. | ||
| Most people don't have real opinions on anything and then you have this... | ||
| You know, on Facebook or Twitter or whatever social media platform, you have an immediate gratification of like, I just got 20 likes on a thought of mine? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's addictive as fuck. | ||
| That's super addictive. | ||
| You know, that right there, you know, I understand why people continue to come back. | ||
| Nobody really cares. | ||
| As soon as you put your computer or your phone down, nobody gives a fuck about any of these issues at the supermarket or at the bowling alley or at the library. | ||
| Some people do, but that's not what's important. | ||
| What's important is the internet is essentially the whole world is a big window and everyone has a rock. | ||
| We're just looking to throw rocks. | ||
| And if you find a thing to throw a rock about, whether it's to throw a rock about politics or gender or race or social justice or, you know, fill in the blank, the environment, saving the animals, everyone's throwing rocks. | ||
| You know, and very few people are actually communicating. | ||
| It's a strange time for that. | ||
| Well, you would think that you would want, in an ideal world, you would want people that have differing ideas to come together, sit down, have an honest conversation, and go, awesome, dude. | ||
| Go live your life. | ||
| I'll live my life. | ||
| I learned a little bit just now. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then you go off and you go, yeah, that's how you learn from different cultures. | ||
| That's how we, you know, ultimately got to a place, you know, I think... | ||
| I think it's a great country. | ||
| In a weird way, I think it's – I'm proud to be an American. | ||
| I'm proud – I don't think all the things that people think that are awful about this country are necessarily awful. | ||
| I think the opportunity to make money – I did grow up on wealth and I grew up poor and I'm – You know, for all intents and purposes, I'm living my dream right now, and I get to kind of do what I want to do. | ||
| And I look at that and I say, it's because I live in a place where that opportunity is there. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| Look, America is amazing. | ||
| It doesn't mean it's perfect. | ||
| No. | ||
| It certainly gives you more opportunity than anywhere that I've ever heard of. | ||
| And it's a fun place, man. | ||
| I like it here. | ||
| Fucking country is fun. | ||
| But there's definitely some fucked up aspects of it. | ||
| The fact that we're a country... | ||
| The big one is immigration to me. | ||
| Because immigration to me, when people take a hard line one way or the other, I'm always like, hmm, man, this is a weird one. | ||
| Immigration is a weird one. | ||
| You don't want to diminish the quality of life for everyone in the country, but you don't want to not let people in because that's what the country is based on. | ||
| And when you see these fenced in people, and where is it? | ||
| Is it El Paso? | ||
| There was something that they had on the news where they showed all these people fenced in, in what looks like a dog kennel, and these people that snuck across the border and they captured them, so they just put them in this fucking outdoor fenced in cage. | ||
| Like, dude, we don't even do that to violent murderers. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You have a violent murderer... | ||
| Who's due process, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, well, not just due process. | ||
| You put him in a prison, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Like, they don't have the facilities to do what they're doing. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And then people are like, well, they shouldn't be coming across the border. | ||
| Like, I guess so, but wouldn't you? | ||
| I'm also like... | ||
| But wouldn't you? | ||
| Who cares? | ||
| Like, I understand. | ||
| Yes, there is sort of a... | ||
| But anybody who is up in arms about immigrants coming into this country, most of the time they're also on one side of the political spectrum on every other issue. | ||
| It's not like it's an independent thought. | ||
| It's like they and everybody that's on both sides, you know, and you know, I just sort of I'm in a I have my own personal life philosophy where I'm not going to solve the immigration And to be honest, as we're talking about it, I'm going like, I don't know. | ||
| I have no idea what the answer is here. | ||
| People are obsessed with being right. | ||
| People always want to have an answer. | ||
| I don't fucking know. | ||
| But I do know that I have things in my life that I can fix. | ||
| I know there are things about my personality and things about me and my own issues that I need to fix. | ||
| So I'll sort of start there. | ||
| And I think more people need to kind of... | ||
| You mean before they start espousing opinions, look at themselves and figure out why they're coming up with these opinions? | ||
| Is that what you're saying? | ||
| Yeah, just sort of. | ||
| This one is like it pulls on your humanity. | ||
| You see a bunch of people caged in with their children in some fenced-in area that literally looks like a dog kennel. | ||
| You're like, this is crazy. | ||
| Well, I'm not saying I don't care about that. | ||
| I don't care about people coming in the country and going in these imaginary lines. | ||
| It's just sort of like, yeah, I think it's... | ||
| I think as a human being, it's hard to see that. | ||
| And I look away from shit like that a lot. | ||
| I don't like looking at videos like that. | ||
| I don't like watching sad things. | ||
| I don't watch any gore shit. | ||
| I didn't watch the video of the dude that mowed down those people in New Zealand. | ||
| Yeah, it is a sad thing. | ||
| And I really don't know the solution. | ||
| Look at this shit. | ||
| It says they treated us like we were animals holding pen for migrant families in El Paso. | ||
| Shut down. | ||
| Shut down overnight, I guess. | ||
| Okay, because people found out about it. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| That's a dog kennel. | ||
| I mean, people would just sit around waiting for what? | ||
| I mean, if that was murderers, they wouldn't do that. | ||
| So let's say you're the guy in charge, though. | ||
| What do you do? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What would you... | |
| I mean, me, I would... | ||
| No, that's a good question. | ||
| I would go let him in, but I don't know if that's the right answer. | ||
| I don't know if it's the answer to either, but I guarantee you, all of our... | ||
| Your relatives came from another country. | ||
| My relatives all came from another country. | ||
| I'm third generation. | ||
| They knew that Europe sucked. | ||
| They knew that Italy sucked. | ||
| And so they're like, look, I mean, no disrespect, Italy, but they decided I gotta get the fuck out of here. | ||
| And they got on a boat, all of them, grandparents on both sides, they both came over here when they were kids. | ||
| Does Italy suck? | ||
| Seems awesome. | ||
| From everything I've seen about it, great food. | ||
| Well, the food is fantastic. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hot dudes. | |
| When I talked to a guy there, though, I was trying to get an understanding because he wanted his kids to go to college in America. | ||
| And what he was basically saying was there was just not enough opportunity in Italy. | ||
| And that he wanted his son to have more opportunity. | ||
| And so he's driving a cab actually. | ||
| They all speak two languages. | ||
| They all speak perfect English, a good percentage of them. | ||
| It's a smart place. | ||
| And the art is insane. | ||
| When you're going through Rome and you go through the Vatican and you see there are billions of dollars, literally billions of dollars in artwork, you're like, holy shit! | ||
| What a crazy culture! | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| This culture, all they wanted to do was create beautiful architecture, create beautiful art, make wine, amazing food, have sex, fuck like crazy, and kind of take over the world. | ||
| I mean, they took over the world for a long-ass time. | ||
| I got no problem with Italy. | ||
| It sounds great. | ||
| Barbarian people. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But now, today, there's not much opportunity. | ||
| If you want to drive a cab, make some tomato sauce. | ||
| Dude, I was driving with this cab driver with my kids in the car, and this guy slowed down to check out this chick's ass and yelled out the window at her. | ||
| They're fucking savages, man. | ||
| They're ape people. | ||
| My ancestors. | ||
| I'm allowed to say it. | ||
| They're ape folk. | ||
| I used to love catcalling. | ||
| It's terrible for you. | ||
| In a funny way, though. | ||
| It's wrong. | ||
| I will preface this by saying it's wrong. | ||
| But, and as an adult, as a 37-year-old man who has a 6-year-old boy, who will probably watch this one day, I'll say don't do that. | ||
| Don't do what daddy says. | ||
| Do as I say, not as I do. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| But I will say, it was sort of like a funny thing. | ||
| We would just catcall chicks. | ||
| In a funny way, we would do it almost like mocking guys who catcall. | ||
| However, from the girl's perspective, she's just being catcalled. | ||
| Yeah, the girls don't like it. | ||
| Unless they really like it. | ||
| Well, it depends. | ||
| They could be freaks, but it's never worth the risk. | ||
| It's not like one out of ten might like it. | ||
| I had talked about this in my special, but if you go holler at a fucking Puerto Rican chick or a black chick... | ||
| They want it? | ||
| They like it. | ||
| I'm making a generalization here, but I'm telling you right now, it's a different level of community. | ||
| I'm telling you, go watch in Harlem or if you go to Brooklyn, just watch... | ||
| Louis J. Gomez defends catcalling, live on the JRE. I have a bit about it on my brand new special, Louis J. Gomez presents Louis J. Gomez. | ||
| Oh, I hear it's out right now. | ||
| Yeah, it just came out. | ||
| Is it out on Amazon? | ||
| It's out everywhere. | ||
| It's out on iTunes? | ||
| It's out right now. | ||
| What is it again? | ||
| Luis J. Gomez presents Luis J. Gomez. | ||
| Make sure it's Luis J. Gomez or you get a Dominican picture from Miami. | ||
| Luis Gomez presents Luis Gomez. | ||
| It's a completely different thing. | ||
| Yeah, it's a porn film. | ||
| It's a fisherman. | ||
| What were we just talking about? | ||
| We smoked too much pop before the show. | ||
| What's that? | ||
| Cat calling. | ||
| Oh, have you ever had a gay guy try to fuck you? | ||
| Yeah, are you kidding me? | ||
| Right. | ||
| How about a big, strong one that could kick your ass? | ||
| Like a gay guy that looks like Deontay Wilder. | ||
| No, not that I thought it could kick my ass, but I understand the point you're making. | ||
| Yeah, if you had a gay guy that you know could kick your ass, that's what it's like to be a chick. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| That's what it's like. | ||
| I go to a high-end gym. | ||
| High-end, meaning gay? | ||
| Meaning, yeah, it's a lot of gay guys. | ||
| Equinox. | ||
| Dude, gay guys love Equinox. | ||
| And I love the gym. | ||
| It was actually my last day job. | ||
| I worked doing sales there. | ||
| And I saw the infrastructure of the company. | ||
| And I know they're very, you know, it's about customer service there. | ||
| And I really like that, right? | ||
| Are you selling it right now? | ||
| Are you selling Equinox? | ||
| I'm selling memberships, guys. | ||
| So hit me up. | ||
| Seems like you're selling. | ||
| You went right into salesman mode. | ||
| I'm telling you, I'm a salesman. | ||
| Through and through. | ||
| But I go there now, and the steam room, and I mean this. | ||
| I would say one out of eight times that I go in the steam room, a man will do almost like a presenting type thing where he's trying to fish for me to suck his dick. | ||
| I guess the famous story was sort of tapping the foot under the stall, but it's not that. | ||
| They open their towel, and they kind of make eye contact with you. | ||
| Oh, Jesus. | ||
| But they do it in a way where you can't call them on their shit. | ||
| Because then you look like a fucking big homophobe. | ||
| And they probably outnumber you. | ||
| What, the gay guys? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Probably. | ||
| But it happens a lot. | ||
| I've gotten multiple free months there because I complain about it. | ||
| Wow, that's a good move. | ||
| It's like dropping hair in your own food. | ||
| This is reminding me of a video I just saw. | ||
| I don't know if you've seen this video. | ||
| What is this? | ||
| It's like ringing a bell. | ||
| It's only 20 seconds. | ||
| It says man catches guy looking at the bathroom stall. | ||
| He's got his video camera. | ||
| It's just pointing at the floor right now. | ||
| Okay. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jesus. | |
| He's also lying on his boner. | ||
| He's just lying on the floor. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| That's a guy looking to see people's shit. | ||
| He's looking to suck some cock. | ||
| That happened to me at the gym in between the shower stalls. | ||
| The guy's face was peeking through. | ||
| Oh boy. | ||
| And yeah, it's... | ||
| And in a weird way, because here's the thing, you can't... | ||
| You can't just start beating somebody up for that, right? | ||
| You can't even threaten violence for it. | ||
| It's a weird thing and you feel very defenseless. | ||
| It's the first time I truly was like, oh, I kind of get what women are talking about. | ||
| Because you feel violated and you can't really do much. | ||
| I've had it happen and I could beat the guy up. | ||
| I have had it happen where it was a guy that was not physically a threat to me and it still made me super uncomfortable and I felt really weak. | ||
| I felt like... | ||
| Because you feel like it's also... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Vulnerable. | |
| You feel like you're committing a hate crime if you beat this guy up for being gay? | ||
| No, it wasn't just being gay. | ||
| Well, how aggressive was he? | ||
| Super aggressive. | ||
| Like, touching me, putting his hands on my shoulders, telling me he's going to take me up to his room. | ||
| And I'm like, you better get your fucking hands off. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| I was like, this is getting... | ||
| You live a different life than me. | ||
| I just feel like a princess. | ||
| This was a long time ago. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I feel like the bell of the ball for one day. | |
| It was disconcerting, but again, I wasn't physically vulnerable. | ||
| I could decide that I just wanted to choke this guy unconscious, and I could just do that. | ||
| But you could choke most guys unconscious. | ||
| Yeah, but this guy was not... | ||
| There was no guessing. | ||
| He was not a specimen. | ||
| He was a scrawny dude. | ||
| He was just an aggressive gay guy. | ||
| But it's like you go to prison and, you know. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| That's my point. | ||
| If the roles were reversed, if it was me aggressively coming on to this guy who never worked out a day in his life, it would be terrifying. | ||
| He would just have to take it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He'd have to take it. | |
| Well, that's what I, when I was training for that MMA fight against a comedian, I trained with Bisping twice. | ||
| And I grappled with Bisping, and Bisping's not even known for his jiu-jitsu. | ||
| Of course he is. | ||
| He's got very good jiu-jitsu. | ||
| His defensive guard is one of the best in MMA. Very rarely do people pass his guard when he's on the ground. | ||
| He's excellent. | ||
| But primarily, he's known as a striker. | ||
| Primarily. | ||
| Primarily. | ||
| I can't explain to you. | ||
| It was like, I felt like a lion was just toying with me. | ||
| It was a strange thing because I'd never in my life, because obviously you know an MMA fighter can beat you up. | ||
| You know a professional mixed martial artist can beat you up. | ||
| But I don't think people realize how badly and how big of the gap. | ||
| It is. | ||
| But they don't know, Joe. | ||
| You know, people have no fucking clue until you do it. | ||
| And I had no idea until, this is last summer, and he was fucking around with me for a second. | ||
| It was terrifying, and I feel like less of a man. | ||
| I can't look at my son in the eyes the same way that I used to be able to. | ||
| I don't fuck right anymore. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know what it's like? | |
| Oh, come on, you'll be alright. | ||
| You know what it's like? | ||
| It's like, do you know how people see someone do stand-up and they think, I could fucking do that? | ||
| Everyone, that's how we all started. | ||
| Right, because you're just talking. | ||
| The guy's just talking. | ||
| That's what fighting is like. | ||
| It's like you look at a guy like Bisping, and he's like a normal guy. | ||
| I mean, he's obviously very athletic, and he's big and everything like that, but he's not Shaquille O'Neal. | ||
| He's not like some seven-foot specimen. | ||
| He's a regular-sized human. | ||
| So you're like, well, he's moving like a regular human. | ||
| I could do that, but you have no idea! | ||
|
unidentified
|
You have no idea. | |
| You're beyond helpless. | ||
| You have no idea. | ||
| Literally. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You have no idea. | ||
| You grab the hold of you, you're a dead person. | ||
| Almost anybody in the UFC, any person, the average person, even if you're training, it doesn't matter. | ||
| They can take you and do what they want to do with you. | ||
| There's intellectual levels. | ||
| I always feel like that whenever I talk to people that are really smart. | ||
| Like if I have a Sean Carroll or a Neil Grass Tyson or someone on the podcast, you talk to them and you're just like, God damn, I'm fucking stupid. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, there's just levels to this. | ||
| There's levels to this understanding of life. | ||
| But that's with everything. | ||
| With stand-up, with artwork, with someone choking the life out of you. | ||
| This day, man, I've been doing jujitsu since 1996. If I roll with certain people, it's a matter of when I'm going to get strangled. | ||
| They don't even have to be bigger than me. | ||
| Be smaller than me. | ||
| It's when am I going to tap? | ||
| When's it coming? | ||
| I had a friend of mine who's a really athletic dude. | ||
| He's a friend of a friend, but he's a trainer out of a Gracie school in Florida. | ||
| And he told me one time he got to roll with Hoist Gracie. | ||
| And I said, no, I was like, what was it like? | ||
| Was he that much better? | ||
| Because he has a high-level black belt. | ||
| He was like, dude, when we were talking about levels, he was like, he was toying with me like I had never done it before. | ||
| And that's how good those guys are. | ||
| And Hoist doesn't, you know, at this point, when he compared to these athletic guys in MMA today, we saw with Matt Hughes, you know, he couldn't compete anymore once people sort of knew the tricks. | ||
| But, yeah, I mean, it's very humbling. | ||
| But here's what's even crazier. | ||
| Hickson, Hoyce's brother, Hoyce will tell you. | ||
| He's ten times better than him. | ||
| Hickson would do to Hoyce what Hoyce would do to other black belts. | ||
| Well, wasn't that sort of the... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Levels. | |
| The story was they could have had Hickson, but he was too athletic and too... | ||
| There's a bunch of issues, and I would not want to say exactly what happened for fear of upsetting either side, because I think there's two different stories. | ||
| But he was essentially the champion of the family. | ||
| And one of the thoughts was that it would be more impressive if Hoist did it, because Hoist was only 175 pounds, and with his shirt off, he looked like he was fit, but looked like a volleyball player or something. | ||
| Looks like Freddie Mercury. | ||
| Hickson was shredded. | ||
| Hickson was really into physical training. | ||
| He did a lot of gymnastics and yoga. | ||
| He was unbelievably athletic. | ||
| But he was also way physically stronger. | ||
| It would appear more that he was just dominating something like a cat. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So it wasn't as good of an advertisement for, you know. | ||
| It wasn't necessarily true, though, because there was also talk that no one can control Hickson and didn't want Hickson to win, because Hickson is a, he's like a free spirit, like in the greatest sense of the word, like legitimately. | ||
| He might throw his phone in the ocean and disappear for a month and just fucking surf and do jujitsu somewhere. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| He's a freak, in the best sense of the word. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| That's awesome. | ||
| And so I don't think they ever thought they could control Hickson. | ||
| That was part of the problem with having Hickson be the champion. | ||
| Hickson would probably freeze up the whole organization. | ||
| I want $10 million, I'll never fight again. | ||
| They were offering him fights for years, and he had some crazy number that he wanted. | ||
| And he was like, if you give me that number, I'll fight Fedor. | ||
| If you give me that number, I'll fight the best fighters in the world. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| This is after the UFC, right? | ||
| Yeah, after the UFC started, but everybody still knew. | ||
| See, when Hoist was winning, everyone still knew. | ||
| Hickson was competing in something called Japan Valley Tudo, and he won that. | ||
| You got to see the super high-level jiu-jitsu. | ||
| Pride won was Hickson. | ||
| And Hickson was the guy that everybody knew that if something happened and then Hoist was out of the UFC or there was no other Gracies in the UFC, Hickson is always there to step in. | ||
| And we were always wondering, when is he going to step in? | ||
| When is he going to fight the best guys? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Never happened. | |
| Never did. | ||
| No, he fought Funaki, who was a really high-level guy. | ||
| That was his last fight, and he strangled him. | ||
| Put him to sleep. | ||
| It's a crazy image, man, of him, rear naked choke Funaki. | ||
| And Funaki's eyes roll in the back of his head, and he goes unconscious, and Hickson just throws him off of him, stands up. | ||
| He was a savage. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's awesome. | |
| I love it. | ||
| I wish I got into it when I was younger. | ||
| I'm too fat and old now. | ||
| No, you're not. | ||
| That's nonsense. | ||
| How old are you? | ||
| I just turned 37 yesterday. | ||
| Bourdain didn't start doing jiu-jitsu until he was 58. Yeah. | ||
| Wrapped your head around that shit. | ||
| You're right. | ||
| What's his name? | ||
| Al Bundy, right? | ||
| He started late in life. | ||
| He did. | ||
| I don't think he... | ||
| He was a Hicks and Gracie student, I believe. | ||
| I believe he's Hoist. | ||
| I think he was from Torrance. | ||
| So he was... | ||
| That's like Henner and Heron. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, you're right. | ||
| I could. | ||
| I'm just coming up with excuses. | ||
| I'm being phony. | ||
| Yeah, man, you could totally do it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know. | |
| I mean, if you trained for a martial arts fight, you could train for jiu-jitsu. | ||
| It's a fun thing to learn, too, Matt. | ||
| Well, that's where I got injured the most, was doing jiu-jitsu. | ||
| Did you fuck up your shoulder? | ||
| Is that what you said? | ||
| My shoulder was dislocated six weeks before the fight. | ||
| My hand was broken. | ||
| Both of my ribs, to this day, they're just popping out. | ||
| Like, it's just little ribs poking out in different directions, and it hurts continuously. | ||
| Yeah, the cartilage will tear, and then the rib will heal up, like, sticking out a little bit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And it was all rolling jiu-jitsu with guys who were just trying to kick your ass. | ||
| You shouldn't have that. | ||
| I know. | ||
| I learned after the fact. | ||
| We talked about that. | ||
| You've got to be real careful with who you train with. | ||
| Because someone who's really good can train with you and you don't get hurt. | ||
| Like if I roll with John Jock Machado, I never get hurt. | ||
| I never win, but I never get hurt. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You know, it's, uh, he's always in control. | ||
| Like, you're in, and everything is, like, if you roll with a black belt, it's actually safer than rolling with, like, a really strong blue belt or a purple belt, because they're just trying to kill you. | ||
| They just want those, they want those tap points. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They want to be able to get you. | ||
| Especially if you're Luis J. Gomez from, uh, Legion of Skanks. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| And they know about you. | ||
| Bragging rights, baby boy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They just want to fucking get that arm triangle and squeeze the shit out of you. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Grr! | ||
| I had a fucking wrestler, this big dickhead wrestler. | ||
| He was like, I'll show you how to wrestle a little dude. | ||
| He just grabbed me. | ||
| No, I'm sorry. | ||
| He didn't grab me. | ||
| This is what a pussy I am. | ||
| This is how tough this fucking guy was. | ||
| Huge guy. | ||
| Just nasty, gnarled up ears. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| College wrestler, but a big, big boy, like heavy. | ||
| He was showing me how to pop up and take somebody down. | ||
| That's what I was trying to drill with him. | ||
| We were drilling, dude. | ||
| And every time I would do it, he would just not let me do it and just fucking flop me on my ass. | ||
| And one time I tried to do it, and when I went to go take him down, he jerked me in the other direction, and my shoulder literally just popped out altogether. | ||
| All the way out. | ||
| It was crazy. | ||
| I was like, there's no way... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It was nuts. | ||
| And everything hurt going into it. | ||
| And Bisping was like, dude, he was wrapping my hands in the back. | ||
| And my hand was throbbing. | ||
| It was broken. | ||
| It was just throbbing. | ||
| And I was just over and over again rewrapping the hand. | ||
| I was like, dude, it's not right. | ||
| You got to rewrap it a new way. | ||
| And he's like, mate, shut the fuck up. | ||
| He's like, you're not going to feel anything. | ||
| As soon as you walk out there, you're not going to feel anything. | ||
| Adrenaline is going to kick in. | ||
| And that's that. | ||
| When you're doing wrestling drills, that's when a lot of guys get really injured. | ||
| And you've got to make sure you're doing them with people that understand it's a drill and understand where your level's at. | ||
| That's what's going on with a guy like that. | ||
| He's just flexing on you. | ||
| He's just beating on you. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| Because he's probably done it a million times. | ||
| He's done those drills probably a million times, but you've done them zero times. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| It's crazy that he would do that and go hard with you. | ||
| And wrestling sucks, dick, on so many levels. | ||
| Doug, I tried to join the wrestling team because I was a pro wrestling fan when I was a kid. | ||
| I was like, I want to wrestle. | ||
| I'm gonna wrestle. | ||
| First of all, I saw the singlet. | ||
| I was like, that's not happening. | ||
| My little fucking dick and flabby ass in a singlet. | ||
| It's like, you have to have a big dick and a nice butt in order to fucking wear a singlet. | ||
| Sorry. | ||
| There's another quote. | ||
| That's a meme right there. | ||
| You have to have a big dick and a nice butt to wear a singlet. | ||
| It's the truth. | ||
| What do you want me to say? | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| I'm in the ninth grade. | ||
| I'm like, I'm waiting for my dick to grow in still. | ||
| I'm not doing this for another couple of years. | ||
| So I joined for like a day and in my high school we had a pool and it was like a heated pool for the swim team. | ||
| I went to a pretty nice high school actually and they would make us run around the pool for like four miles before wrestling practice. | ||
| Before. | ||
| Before wrestling practice. | ||
| I think it was three miles total, whatever it was. | ||
| And it was like a sauna. | ||
| So you were doing like a hot warm up in a hot pool and then you would start training. | ||
| And yeah, two days later, I was like, fuck this, dude. | ||
| Yeah, they beat your ass from wrestling. | ||
| But that's what makes people so tough. | ||
| That's why wrestlers are like mentally some of the toughest people alive. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They're so used to that grind. | ||
| They also take pleasure in suffering. | ||
| Like no other sport. | ||
| Like they enjoy it. | ||
| Like they enjoy not being prima donnas. | ||
| Like all the best wrestlers. | ||
| If you go back and you look at like the history of amateur wrestling, they're all known as being like hard, hard men like Dan Gable. | ||
| Dan Gable was a hard man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That motherfucker just trained his body into the ground. | ||
| I think he's got two hip replacements, two knee replacements. | ||
| He just destroyed his body. | ||
| He was an animal. | ||
| And he was just an unstoppable wrestler in his prime. | ||
| But that was part of it. | ||
| It was that mental strength that those guys have. | ||
| A lot of those guys don't jump into it later, though. | ||
| It's also, as we're talking about, beating your kids and turning them into pieces of shit. | ||
| There's the other side of it as well, where you have, like, it's in their family. | ||
| It's their dad. | ||
| They're doing it since they were four, since they can crawl. | ||
| They're practicing takedowns. | ||
| And that side of it, if you're, you know, in those formative years, if that's built into you, that toughness, it's sort of cakewalk. | ||
| I didn't have any. | ||
| I mean, I did Just for Fun baseball. | ||
| I wasn't even good at it. | ||
| I could barely hit it. | ||
| It was a tee ball. | ||
| I could barely hit the ball. | ||
| I was so unathletic and my mom, there was no part of her that wanted to continue to push me to do those things. | ||
| So if I said I didn't want to go to Just for Fun, she was like, alright, fuck it, I'm going to take you. | ||
| That was sort of, you know, which I think is a problem. | ||
| But that, I think it's really tough. | ||
| You see guys like George St. Pierre who... | ||
| Never did high school wrestling or college wrestling and then jumps into it after the fact and is like a phenom at it. | ||
| But it makes sense. | ||
| If you know who George is, it makes sense. | ||
| The reason why it makes sense is two reasons. | ||
| One, first of all, he was very athletic and he already had this leaping in ability from karate. | ||
| So he had this karate blitz ability. | ||
| When you're diving in for a punch or a straight blast or something like that, that's very similar to diving in for a takedown. | ||
| In terms of your ability to spring forward. | ||
| So George already had that with leaping into punch or leaping into kick. | ||
| So he already had this ability to spring. | ||
| Then on top of that, George is super intelligent. | ||
| And he listens. | ||
| He has zero ego. | ||
| Like I've seen him be coached before. | ||
| I've seen him like do jujitsu with like Donaher or like really elite high level guys. | ||
| And there's a lot of videos of it online. | ||
| He's very coachable. | ||
| He listens to everything. | ||
| He has no ego. | ||
| He's not trying to do it a different way. | ||
| He's trying to listen to you 100%. | ||
| Guys like that, it's a shorter path to understanding the technique and to proficiency because they listen. | ||
| Some people don't listen all the way. | ||
| They listen a little bit, but then they want to try it their way. | ||
| Even when they're training and sparring, you'll say, listen, listen, for this round, I just want you to just try it this way. | ||
| Just do this one thing. | ||
| They'll try it for a couple of seconds, then they'll give up and go back to their old style. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you're like, what happened? | ||
| I didn't feel comfortable. | ||
| That's the point. | ||
| This is how you get better. | ||
| George is the opposite of that. | ||
| He listens. | ||
| He's really coachable, I guess they say. | ||
| He just understands that technique is everything. | ||
| It's everything. | ||
| And if you could learn two or three techniques and have a real high-level proficiency if you just continue to drill them and understand the counters, he's not doing a lot of crazy shit inside the octagon when it comes to wrestling. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Not like a Ben Askren type style. | ||
| But what he is doing is a power double. | ||
| He's got awesome singles on both sides. | ||
| He knows how to take people down. | ||
| He knows how to stuff takedowns. | ||
| Just those things alone, that's all he needed to impose his MMA game. | ||
| Yeah, George, to this day, one of my favorite fighters. | ||
| But yeah, he always stood out as the guy that wrestled better than everybody without having to do that earlier on. | ||
| Guys like Ben Askren, who he's a fucking monster. | ||
| He's also hilarious, dude. | ||
| He's very funny. | ||
| So funny. | ||
| He's such a troll. | ||
| I love a guy who just doesn't shy away from it. | ||
| Trolls his boss. | ||
| Trolls he still continues to this day. | ||
| Just makes a game out of it. | ||
| It's hilarious. | ||
| Yeah, he's a funny dude. | ||
| Also, what George St. Pierre has is extreme physical ability. | ||
| He can do backflips. | ||
| He does a lot of fucking gymnastic stuff. | ||
| He's just... | ||
| He has excellent command over his body. | ||
| Which, technique aside... | ||
| You would see him doing those gymnastic training things where he's doing super crazy core strength balance beam type shit. | ||
| I mean, at that point, once... | ||
| You don't even saw really guys doing that. | ||
| No other guys in the sport are sort of looking to... | ||
| It's another level of cross-training and getting your body prepared for something that it's not really prepared for. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| And taking yourself out of your comfort zone. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's... | |
| I really wish I would have when I was a kid. | ||
| I wish I would have done more sports. | ||
| I wish I would have had... | ||
| Did you play sports when you were a kid? | ||
| You look like a baseball player Joe. | ||
| I did play baseball and then I actually quit doing everything else but martial arts because of baseball I went to see a Red Sox game at Fenway Park and when me and my buddy were coming home There was like crazy crowds of people trying to get on the T, which is the train to get home. | ||
| So we just for while we were walking by this Taekwondo gym I I walked upstairs. | ||
| I wanted to see what it was all about. | ||
| And as I was walking upstairs, there was this guy named John Lee, who was a national champion at the time and one of the best black belts this guy, Jay Kim, ever produced. | ||
| And he was murdering this heavy bag. | ||
| I mean murdering it. | ||
| He was hitting it with these spinning back kicks that was making the sound like whoomp! | ||
| And then you hear ka-chink where the chains would snap. | ||
| I mean, just extend to their full length because he was kicking this bag and it was flying through the air. | ||
| And so I'd never seen anything. | ||
| And I was as close to him doing that as Jamie is to me right now. | ||
| Because there was like a little wall and there was a heavy bag there. | ||
| And the way Mr. Kim and Mr. O'Malley, Michael O'Malley, who was also the head instructor while Mr. Kim was gone. | ||
| They set up the bags right there because they knew that if people were coming in thinking about signing up and a guy like John Lee is kicking the bag, you're like, I want to do that. | ||
| How the fuck do you do that? | ||
| Were you athletic at all? | ||
| I wrestled. | ||
| I wrestled also while I was doing Taekwondo for one year. | ||
| It was too much to do two at the same time. | ||
| But I played baseball, but I wasn't very good. | ||
| I never, ever tried to get on base. | ||
| I always tried to hit home runs. | ||
| The coach said, just hit a single, just hit a single, we really need this. | ||
| I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Fuck you. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I got there and swing for the bleachers. | ||
| I didn't give a fuck, man. | ||
| I either struck out or hit home runs. | ||
| I'm trying to finger bang a chick at the pepper alley. | ||
| I hit one home run once and that was it. | ||
| I was like, oh, I can do that? | ||
| I didn't know I could do that. | ||
| Because as a little kid, I could swing pretty hard. | ||
| And you know, they're light bats and the kids aren't throwing very fast. | ||
| Everybody else is 13 too. | ||
| But from going to that one Taekwondo gym, watching that one guy, he became like a mentor to me in a lot of ways. | ||
| And you went back to that gym specifically. | ||
| That was the one. | ||
|
unidentified
|
100%. | |
| I was like, I never saw anything like that. | ||
| I had done a little bit of martial arts by then. | ||
| I did a little bit of karate. | ||
| But not much. | ||
| But I never saw anybody kick a bag. | ||
| The karate school that I went to, they didn't emphasize that, which it's a very, very important part of developing power. | ||
| You have to be able to kick a bag. | ||
| I don't think there was any bags in the Taekwondo school that I went to when I was a kid. | ||
| It's a foolish mistake that a lot of gyms make. | ||
| They emphasize speed and... | ||
| Like kicking pads over power. | ||
| You have to have power. | ||
| Just kick a board. | ||
| Or just break some ice. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| You've got to hit a bag. | ||
| You've got to hit a bag. | ||
| Because the bag resists. | ||
| If it's 100 pounds, you've got to realize that you're not just hitting this thing. | ||
| You're also pushing 100 pounds with your foot. | ||
| You're pushing 100 pounds with your foot. | ||
| So if you're standing in front of a 100-pound bag, you're like, wham! | ||
| You're not just hitting it hard. | ||
| You're moving 100 pounds with your hips and your legs and your abs and your core. | ||
| That's resistance training. | ||
| Yeah, you're actually getting a real... | ||
| It's a plyo, there's actual physical resistance in terms of weight, and that's how you get stronger. | ||
| It's the only way. | ||
| It's the only way you really develop destruction power that some people have. | ||
| Can you do that, though? | ||
| Because that's the whole thing where... | ||
| Because I was researching, like, how do you hit harder? | ||
| You can't hit as hard as some people. | ||
| Do you think that you can teach a guy to have knockout power? | ||
| No. | ||
| You either have it or you don't. | ||
| I think you can increase someone's power and most people can knock people out. | ||
| Most people. | ||
| If you taught them where to hit someone and they hit someone clean, they could hurt someone. | ||
| Especially most men who actually know how to punch a little bit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But there's a big difference between that kind of punching power and, say, like a Tommy Hearns in his prime punching power. | ||
| Or, you know, a Lennox Lewis straight right hand. | ||
| You don't have that, man. | ||
| You either have that or you don't have that. | ||
| And some people just say, I saw guys that were like fucking 15 and they had that. | ||
| It was crazy. | ||
| You'd watch guys that, like, at a young age, they would hit a pad or hit a bag and you'd be like, fuck! | ||
| This is crazy! | ||
| Like, how do you have so much power? | ||
| And you don't know why. | ||
| You don't know the strength. | ||
| Well, actually, we ADD'd that story, but I was saying when we did that promotion in the street in New York City where we put the headgear on the gloves, a little Mexican kid comes up. | ||
| Doggy, this kid was 123 pounds soaking wet. | ||
| Little Mexican kid comes up, and I'm like, I'm my size, you know, I'm 20 at the time, maybe 21 or whatever, but I'm just like, you know, by the way, I had never thrown a punch in my life. | ||
| Now that I actually watch fighting and understand a little bit as a fan, like, I didn't know how to stand, I had no idea. | ||
| Dude, this Mexican kid, he came up, he just faked a body shot and hit me with a hook, and I remember it... | ||
| It felt like, because there was no adrenaline. | ||
| It was a game for me. | ||
| It wasn't like, you know, it felt like my head was shook. | ||
| It felt like my entire, I had never been hit so hard. | ||
| To this day, I've never been hit so hard in my entire life, dude. | ||
| I took a knee. | ||
| I literally took a knee, and that's all I remember. | ||
| I don't even know what happened after that. | ||
| That kid just went off being awesome. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| And then I remember thinking, because I was like, I want to box. | ||
| I want to get into boxing. | ||
| That'll be fun. | ||
| And that was the moment I was like, I'm not going to box. | ||
| I'm too big. | ||
| The way that kid hurt me, the way that felt, no fucking way. | ||
| No way. | ||
| If a 230-pound guy... | ||
| Ooh... | ||
| Especially if you went to the wrong gym and they had you sparring right away, which a lot of gyms do. | ||
| They'll throw guys to the wolves just to see if they're worth keeping around. | ||
| They'll try you. | ||
| Like right out of the street. | ||
| They'll show you a few punches, have you hit the pads a little bit, tell you to keep your hands up, then they'll have you spar. | ||
| I've seen it happen, man. | ||
| Yeah, I'm sure. | ||
| Just to let you know. | ||
| And sometimes you'll be sparring with a pro so they won't hurt you. | ||
| They'll just pop you a little bit. | ||
| Pop, pop to the body. | ||
| Pop. | ||
| Just try to get some work in. | ||
| You know, just looking for an easy target. | ||
| Should I do it with my girlfriend when we box? | ||
| Just fucking bop bop. | ||
| Just touch. | ||
| Just touch and let her know. | ||
| Let her know, hey. | ||
| It could be worse. | ||
| Boxing is... | ||
| The problem with it as a casual thing, though, is the punches that don't even hurt you. | ||
| They just rattle your head a little. | ||
| Those all count. | ||
| All those count. | ||
| Those are probably sometimes worse. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because there's so many of them, you don't even notice. | ||
| Like, if you get hit with one big shot, you'll stop. | ||
| Like, your head gets rattled, you get a headache, you sit down, you're like, oh, fuck. | ||
| But you'll stop. | ||
| If you get hit a few times, you treat it like it's nothing. | ||
| You just get popped a few times, you're in there... | ||
| You get hit. | ||
| 30 seconds later, you got a bloody nose, your lips bleeding a little now, you got something over your eye. | ||
| You don't think about it, but you got hit in the head 30 times. | ||
| You never got dropped, so you're like, I'm fine. | ||
| I didn't take any damage, but you did. | ||
| You just don't think of that as damage. | ||
| And now they're understanding that that is as much of what you're seeing from CTEs, that sub-concussive trauma, probably more so because it's so frequent. | ||
| Yeah, well, over and over again. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| You say everything, man. | ||
| Dr. Mark Gordon said fucking jet skis. | ||
| He said the banging of jet skis. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, man. | |
| When you're bumping away, he's like, that's terrible for your fucking head. | ||
| Like, how about Angus Young from ACDC? I'd like to do an IQ test on that fucking savage. | ||
| Just his fucking banging his head and kicking his leg out. | ||
| I'd like to do an MRI to see how maybe the fibers of his brain is strengthened from 100 years of head banging. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| I used to go to metal concerts and go to mosh pits. | ||
| I was like a big metal head when I was a kid. | ||
| And, yeah, we were just fucking... | ||
| Yeah, you get brain damage. | ||
| Just go in there and start swinging your hands, get punched. | ||
| And you're right, you don't think about the amount of, like, just headbanging. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Just banging your head over and over again. | ||
| Your brain is just smacking into the front of your fucking face over and over and over again. | ||
| Give me some ACDC, Jamie. | ||
| Angus would on stage play and headbang at the same time. | ||
| Try rubbing the top of your head and your stomach at the same time. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know how you do that? | |
| Now imagine patting your head and now imagine trying to play guitar and headbang at the same time and then catch all the tunes. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| I was in a band when I was in high school. | ||
| I played drums. | ||
| I think we all wanted to be rock stars. | ||
| Did you want to be a rock star when you were a kid? | ||
| Nope. | ||
| No music? | ||
| No. | ||
| No musical talent whatsoever. | ||
| Look at all these groupie chicks from the 70s. | ||
| Hilarious. | ||
| Look at them. | ||
| Why don't we hear any Mies 2 stories about... | ||
| We were talking about Molly Crew a second ago. | ||
| How are we not hearing crazy Mies 2 stories about shit with rock bands in the 80s and 70s? | ||
| I think because everybody knew what they were getting into. | ||
| I think they knew they were getting into a lot of times now. | ||
| But it's just, you think that at least somebody would want to come out and go like, oh, just so you know, Guns N' Roses ran a train on me in 1987. FYI. And I was really intoxicated. | ||
| Maybe it's a different time. | ||
| Like those ladies had a different approach to things. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Look, they were there for the memory. | ||
| I think the reality is most people... | ||
| They sort of go like, alright, well, I am responsible for my actions. | ||
| That's where most people... | ||
| I don't think most people actually have a victim mentality when they look at stupid shit that they've done in their youth. | ||
| I think most people go like, ah, I was a fucking idiot. | ||
| I shouldn't have done that. | ||
| There's a lot of shit I shouldn't have done. | ||
| There's both things, right? | ||
| There's some people don't have a victim mentality. | ||
| And then there's also, some people just became victims back then, and they just didn't have a way to express it like they do now. | ||
| It's a different, like, it was a completely different world 20, 30 years ago. | ||
| How would you even start to get the message out that you were Me Too in 1981? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You're going to write a letter to a publicist? | ||
| What would you do if someone sexually assaulted you in 1981? | ||
| What would you do? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I mean... | |
| Go to the cops? | ||
| Yeah, you'd have to go to the cops. | ||
| Try to call a newspaper, maybe? | ||
| They would, you know, if the guy was a rich guy, turn his lawyers on you. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Different world. | ||
| I mean, I'm of the Steven Pinker view of progress that I think that, although the world is not perfect, I think it's just way better than it's ever been before. | ||
| It is way better. | ||
| It feels worse because we have the internet, and you have access at your fingertips to the most vile shit. | ||
| It seems like people are more racist because... | ||
| Before, you used to have to write the N-word on a bathroom stall. | ||
| That was the only way to say, hey, here's the N-word. | ||
| Now you have YouTube, Reddit, group. | ||
| Yeah, whatever it is. | ||
| And you can sort of get that instant reaction. | ||
| You had to go back the next day, and there's another guy that drew an arrow to that and was like, yeah, but what about the Jews? | ||
| And then it kept on going down. | ||
| But now you sort of have that instantly at your fingertips. | ||
| So it feels like, oh my God, the world's crumbling. | ||
| Everyone's racist. | ||
| Everyone's sexist. | ||
| But everyone's got an opinion online. | ||
| And once you get off there... | ||
| You know, we all coexist. | ||
| We all work together. | ||
| We're all doing shit, you know? | ||
| Yeah, we certainly can. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, people, there's a lot of this nonsense, like, energy on social media, where people are just arguing about things all day long, insulting people all day long, and that shit is so bad for your head, to engage in that all day. | ||
| It feels way better to not engage. | ||
| It feels way better. | ||
| Every time I travel... | ||
| If you see me on Twitter talking shit back and forth, I'm on an airplane board. | ||
| And I just... | ||
| I did it yesterday. | ||
| I won't even name the guy. | ||
| It's a blogger. | ||
| He didn't even watch my special. | ||
| This cocksucker just took shots at me because he doesn't like me. | ||
| And I was just engaging back and forth over and over again. | ||
| And it's just because I'm bored. | ||
| Did you feel gross, though, after it was over? | ||
| No, because I just deleted it. | ||
| I was like, all right, I'm done. | ||
| I said what I had to say. | ||
| But I also, I don't know, like... | ||
| There's part of me as well, like I've gotten, you know, you get so much shit eventually, you sort of get desensitized to it so that you don't really, I mean, you're fucking famous. | ||
| You get critics, like real critics. | ||
| I mean, your special's been reviewed by real people, I'm sure. | ||
| Some people didn't like it, I'm sure. | ||
| You had to have a bad fucking critic out there, but at this point you're like, I don't know, who gives a fuck? | ||
| I just think, overall, in general, it's better to be who gives a fuck. | ||
| Because I think there's criticism that's valid that you understand. | ||
| You should be able to know whether you fucked up or whether something was good or not. | ||
| You should be able to look at it and go, oh, that wasn't my best work. | ||
| And be honest about that. | ||
| But then once you're honest about that and you do your best work, like either you like it or you don't. | ||
| The idea that everyone's going to like it is crazy because people just don't like the same things that you like. | ||
| If everybody likes what you're doing, it fucking stinks. | ||
| There's someone out there listening to Fleetwood Mac 24-7, okay? | ||
| They never heard a fucking Tupac song. | ||
| There's no Biggie in their car. | ||
| They never listen to Nas. | ||
| It is fucking tusk all day long, every day. | ||
| That's okay. | ||
| That's okay, too, man. | ||
| You know, if you're really into Fleetwood Mac, and someone tries playing, you know, some Led Zeppelin, and you're not into it, and you get angry, okay, that's not your fault. | ||
| It's just like, that's not what you're into. | ||
| If someone comes to see you, and they go, oh, this guy's just not for me. | ||
| But then some 25-year-old guy is like, ah, I love it! | ||
| He's not wrong. | ||
| No. | ||
| Everybody has a different opinion. | ||
| He's right, actually, Joe. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That guy gets it. | ||
| He gets it, man. | ||
| He gets you. | ||
| Well, if you go to a comedy club in general, and if you vocalize that you do not enjoy the show in any way... | ||
| I sort of look at you as an asshole. | ||
| You don't need to do that because you can have an opinion. | ||
| There's nothing wrong with having an opinion. | ||
| But for you to say that your opinion is more important than the whole show is crazy. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Because that's what you're doing. | ||
| You're either doing one or two things. | ||
| Either your ego is so inflated you think you're going to correct this person and you're going to stop their jokes in its tracks and they're going to realize the error of their ways and it's going to make them a better person. | ||
| And you're going to also educate this entire crowd that's been laughing at this awful stuff. | ||
| That's a foolhardy way of looking at stuff. | ||
| It's not going to happen. | ||
| Also, if you know the way comedy works, you realize you just pissed off the comic because now he's going, fuck, dude, I'm working on this bit. | ||
| Now, I have a new way of wording this tonight, and now I want to do it a certain way, and you just went and fucked that up, you asshole. | ||
| And maybe, maybe I'm going to get there. | ||
| Maybe I'm going to get to a place where you actually enjoy the joke, you dickhead, but you've ruined it now. | ||
| Well, the thing is, people see, every time you're on stage, they see you as this is a finished product you're presenting. | ||
| What they don't understand is, and I'm hoping people get it more now than they ever did before, but some people still don't get it. | ||
| The way we work stuff out is by trying it on stage, and sometimes we take chances. | ||
| Over and over again. | ||
| And sometimes those chances come out terrible. | ||
| And it's not that we're a bad person. | ||
| We're trying to figure out the right combination of things. | ||
| And sometimes you try to do it in the moment. | ||
| And the best shit that everybody really likes were people who were taking risks. | ||
| All of the greats you're talking about, when people talk about their top ten lists of comedians, these are people who took some chances. | ||
| Risk takers, 100%. | ||
| You didn't have a cell phone to watch what they were doing in the club. | ||
| And the night that the joke bombed, you know... | ||
| Where, you know, whoever's talking about, you know, Richard Pryor talking about smoke and crack, he had nights where that joke bombed. | ||
| And nobody's laughing, and there's somebody that went, you know what, my dad's addicted to crack, that really bothers me. | ||
| But it just was a different time, so nobody had the outlet to sort of express that. | ||
| I think that, yeah, I mean, Patrice O'Neill, who, I mean, in my opinion, greatest comedian to ever live, also a Boston guy. | ||
| And he, you know, he talked about it when, I think he was defending, it was either Kramer or Radio Guy. | ||
| Don Imus. | ||
| Don Imus. | ||
| Was it Don Imus? | ||
| The nappy-headed hoes comment? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And he was just talking about how, you know, it's a joke. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And jokes, whether they're good or bad, they all come from the same place. | ||
| It's this idea, and I'm like, well, I want to, I want to, this is something funny, and I'm going to go turn it into something that's going to hopefully make people laugh. | ||
| The end result is very much a net positive, a room of people laughing. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Right? | ||
| And sometimes you take that chance and it bombs and it hits people the wrong way and you're like, oh, I fucked up. | ||
| I said it wrong. | ||
| I didn't do it right. | ||
| But wrong isn't the right word. | ||
| Well, the problem is we're trying it out with the people. | ||
| You need the audience to help you create the bid. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| They're in the process. | ||
| They don't think of themselves in the process. | ||
| They should understand it more. | ||
| Well, they don't understand it. | ||
| And so, like, I mean, you don't have to laugh. | ||
| Like, I know it's not funny if it comes out wrong. | ||
| But if you get mad at someone for something that's not done yet. | ||
| But there's, you know, there are points in time where someone can say something that's so egregiously incorrect that at the very least you want to leave the room. | ||
| I get that. | ||
| I mean, I've seen it. | ||
| I've seen people say things on stage. | ||
| It'd be hard to get me to leave a room for anything. | ||
| There's not many subjects. | ||
| I was bored if I thought it was stupid, if it was insulting to my intelligence, if I was frustrated listening to this idiot talk on stage, I would leave the room. | ||
| Nothing wrong with leaving the room. | ||
| But there's a big difference between leaving the room and yelling out, hey man, what you're saying is not funny. | ||
| This is not funny. | ||
| I don't care why these fucking people are laughing. | ||
| This shit's not funny. | ||
| You should stop talking about it. | ||
| That's nonsense. | ||
| That's nonsense. | ||
| You're not at a fucking court where someone's reading affidavits, stupid. | ||
| This is someone trying to make funny out of life. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It either works or it doesn't. | ||
| And if it doesn't, that's okay. | ||
| I'll figure it out. | ||
| Or I won't figure it out. | ||
| But either way, this is just the process. | ||
| You yelling out something, throwing up your flag of virtue in front of everyone, it's just preposterous. | ||
| It's like you don't get to do that at a comedy club, and it's right that they kick you out. | ||
| It's just a stupid way to handle it. | ||
| And then when guys are like, I'm helping the show, that is the ultimate stupid... | ||
| No, just because everyone's laughing now because I'm roasting you doesn't mean you're helping the show, stupid. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's... | ||
| God damn it. | ||
| Usually, I'll just have the audience turn on that person. | ||
| They'll just point out to the fact... | ||
| That's the secret sauce. | ||
| You'll see comics do this. | ||
| They'll go, like, look, I don't even care, dude. | ||
| You're making these people... | ||
| You're making them mad. | ||
| They're wasting their money. | ||
| And then the audience starts to go, yeah! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah! | |
| Fuck this guy! | ||
| Well, some people think that they could do comedy. | ||
| And so that's why they do it. | ||
| Well, you said it before. | ||
| It's like, we make it look easy. | ||
| If you're a good comic, you're making it look like it's off the cuff. | ||
| You're rolling with the punches. | ||
| He's just talking. | ||
| You're just talking up there. | ||
| And then some other guy who... | ||
| Maybe is very funny. | ||
| Might be the funniest of his friends, right? | ||
| Which, to be honest with you, that's all you need to start doing comedy. | ||
| He should maybe go sign up for an open mic. | ||
| More power to him. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| But he goes, oh shit, this is easy. | ||
| He sees everyone laughing. | ||
| You go, I remember when I was in high school, I would make everyone laugh. | ||
| That was an awesome feeling. | ||
| And then they take that shot. | ||
| And once in a while... | ||
| It works in their favor, and you look like a real asshole. | ||
| Have you ever had that happen where somebody says something hilarious, and you're like, fuck, dude. | ||
| But you've got to be laughing at it. | ||
| But then the problem is it encourages more people. | ||
| And then people get drunk. | ||
| And then as the night goes on, there's always some dummy. | ||
| He's been holding on to this idea. | ||
| He's going to heckle you about something. | ||
| He's got it in his head for like 10 minutes, and finally blurts it out. | ||
| You're like, what? | ||
|
unidentified
|
You were holding on to that for all that time? | |
| It's a hard thing, dude, to make a group of people laugh at the exact same time that are expecting to laugh. | ||
| That is very specific. | ||
| It's also a weird thing. | ||
| I feel like an alien saw us doing comedy. | ||
| They'd just fucking blow up the comedy club. | ||
| Like, this is crazy. | ||
| This is like, I don't know what it is. | ||
| It would stop us from killing all the fish first. | ||
| It's the first thing they'd do. | ||
| They'd go, hey, how many fish are you guys going to eat? | ||
| There's no fish left. | ||
| Dude, we keep going. | ||
| I joke around about this all the time because it's one of the things that freaks me out more than anything about what people do on the planet. | ||
| What? | ||
| It's suck fish out of the ocean. | ||
| Dude, I've watched countless hours of commercial fishing nets pulling gigantic hauls of fish into their boats. | ||
| And you're like, how often do they do that? | ||
| How many souls are in that fucking net? | ||
| There's no souls in a fish. | ||
| I know. | ||
| I don't think humans have souls, so... | ||
| Fish don't even take care of their babies, man. | ||
| Like one or two fish do. | ||
| Some of them hold their babies in their mouth. | ||
| But fish, they just shit out some eggs. | ||
| Mail comes over, jizzes on the eggs. | ||
| It's like they have such a minimal connection because they know their time is short. | ||
| Most likely they're not going to survive. | ||
| What's the lifespan of a fish if they make it? | ||
| That's a good question. | ||
| I'm sure it varies. | ||
| Sharks live a long time, but they're not considered fish. | ||
| Whales live a long time. | ||
| Let's say a grouper. | ||
| That's a giant-ass fish. | ||
| How old is an old grouper? | ||
| I want to say 30. That old? | ||
| Do you want me to start with ocean fish? | ||
| No, let's go with grouper, because grouper is a gigantic ocean fish. | ||
| It could be three days or 30 years. | ||
| There's such a differentiation of what the answer could be. | ||
| No, it's years. | ||
| For me, I have no idea. | ||
| It's for sure it's years. | ||
| It's definitely years. | ||
| 30 years. | ||
| 30 years. | ||
| Ooh, I nailed it. | ||
| Joe Rogan. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| Total guess. | ||
| Total guess. | ||
| Yeah, that makes sense, though. | ||
| Like, a deer lives, like, if everything goes perfect, a deer will live, like, 15 years, and then they get jacked by something. | ||
| Name Joe Rogan. | ||
| No. | ||
| Those giant turtles have, like, almost... | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| They're almost immortal. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Almost immortal. | |
| Yeah, they don't even know how old those fuckers are. | ||
| Yeah, they could be a thousand years old, right? | ||
| Isn't that the case? | ||
| Really? | ||
| Something crazy like that? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, I think a giant turtle can live... | ||
| We should probably Google that. | ||
| I've tried to look before. | ||
| I don't know how you know. | ||
| They have to fucking kill it to test it. | ||
| Do you know what they used to do on boats, man? | ||
| They used to fill the hull, like the bottom of the boat, with turtles. | ||
| They'd take the turtles and they'd flip them on their back because they'll live down there for months. | ||
| On their back. | ||
| Because they don't really have to eat all the time. | ||
| That's how they would use them for food. | ||
| So they would have all these turtles. | ||
| Live turtles. | ||
| Yeah, they would eat them. | ||
| So they weren't rotting. | ||
| But they couldn't do jack shit because they were on their backs. | ||
| And so they would go down there and pick them up. | ||
| Take a turtle and bring it upstairs and cook it. | ||
| Have you ever had turtle soup? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Good? | |
| I think I have. | ||
| I said that right when I was saying that. | ||
| I'm like, are you lying? | ||
| I think I have. | ||
| I think I had it once a long time ago. | ||
| I can't remember. | ||
| I was going to have it. | ||
| I was in Florida at one of these like... | ||
| Frog leg type joints. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah. | |
| It's like a place that's like the best. | ||
| You want to have some alligator? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And it's like alligator meat. | ||
| I tried alligator meat. | ||
| I tried frog legs. | ||
| I don't eat exotic shit. | ||
| I've only tried alligator meat at like one of those TGI Friday type joints. | ||
| You know, one of those like chain type. | ||
| And it was like deep fried batter fried... | ||
| It's like chewy chicken. | ||
| But apparently when they get it fresh, like if they shoot an alligator and then they take the back straps off of it and they cook it correctly, it's delicious. | ||
| Apparently. | ||
| But it's one of those things that when you get it at a restaurant, unless it's a legit restaurant, they're probably serving you some frozen nonsense. | ||
| Frozen alligator. | ||
| Fuck that, dude. | ||
| How'd they take care of it before they froze it? | ||
| You ever see those swamp people shows where they have... | ||
| Boats filled with fucking alligators. | ||
| I don't even think they're eating those, man. | ||
| I think most of those they're just taking the skins off of them. | ||
| And selling it for the leather. | ||
| Yeah, that's what's really valuable. | ||
| Yeah, dude, I don't know. | ||
| I have no adventure in me. | ||
| I watch you posting videos of you hunting and killing things and then eating it. | ||
| It's like, if you just go back to your Instagram three days in a row, it's like I could watch an animal alive to being on your plate. | ||
| And it's fucking... | ||
| I mean, more power to you, dude. | ||
| The whole thing, I watch it in awe because I could never kill something. | ||
| You definitely could kill something. | ||
| Listen to me. | ||
| You could kill something. | ||
| And you definitely could if you wanted to feed your son. | ||
| There's no doubt in my mind. | ||
| If you had a gun and there was a deer and you were hungry... | ||
| We're starving, yes. | ||
| You don't even have to be starving. | ||
| You just have to have not the best prospects for food. | ||
| I'm doing intermittent fasting right now. | ||
| It's like 11 a.m. | ||
| I'll fucking... | ||
| What is this, Jamie? | ||
| 46 grams of protein in an alligator. | ||
| Is that a pound? | ||
| 3 ounces. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| 3 ounces of alligator. | ||
| 46 grams of protein. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's all protein. | |
| All you gainers out there. | ||
| Well, of course, it's a goddamn murderous dinosaur. | ||
| It's got no fat on it. | ||
| It's just muscle and reptile skin. | ||
| They're monsters, man. | ||
| Terrifying. | ||
| That story about, like, that's the other thing about becoming a father that people don't tell you. | ||
| Everything makes you terrified. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| So, you know, I'm supposed to bring my kid to Disney in July, and there was a story about the alligator who grabbed the little kid and dragged him into the... | ||
| On the property of Disney. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| The father just watched his kid get eaten. | ||
| Dude, Florida, there's too many alligators. | ||
| They can't keep track of them. | ||
| So if you have a body of water and you're not standing there 24-7 with a fucking spotlight and a rifle, those cunts can sneak into that water. | ||
| That's some real shit, man. | ||
| They'll sneak into that water. | ||
| They'll cross that grass. | ||
| You don't know they're there. | ||
| They climb into that water. | ||
| You don't know they're there. | ||
| And they'll be underwater for an hour, two hours. | ||
| And they'll pop their little head up. | ||
| They see that little kid and they're like, God damn, I'm hungry. | ||
| That kid's too close to the water. | ||
| And they'll just grab him. | ||
| They don't have any qualms about that. | ||
| They don't know what the fuck you are. | ||
| They don't care what you are. | ||
| They have a brain the size of a goddamn walnut. | ||
| And they've been alive in that form for who knows how many fucking millions of years. | ||
| And they just kill, eat, kill, eat. | ||
| They can go without food for a year, man. | ||
| Really? | ||
| 95 alligators removed from Disney property in Orlando since Toddler killed. | ||
| 95! | ||
| That was just like in that last year. | ||
| This was two years ago when this was written. | ||
| Dude! | ||
| 95! | ||
| To remove up to 400 alligators through April like it's a project, like they're building a fucking bridge. | ||
| Bro, we were there like a year ago. | ||
| And first of all, if you haven't gone to Disneyland, Disneyland has the dopest fucking ride in the history of the world. | ||
| Disney World. | ||
| Avatar. | ||
| World is in Florida. | ||
| Land is here. | ||
| Right, right, right. | ||
|
unidentified
|
World. | |
| Sorry. | ||
| Disneyland will have the dopest ride when they have this Millennium Falcon ride that opens up. | ||
| Supposedly it's insane. | ||
| But the Avatar ride in Disney World in Orlando is amazing. | ||
| Off the charts. | ||
| It's crazy, man. | ||
| It lets you know, like, oh my god, the future of these fucking rides. | ||
| It's like one of those, like, virtual reality. | ||
| Yeah, it's like where you see crazy shit and you're moving. | ||
| Yes, you put on this helmet, and the helmet is a virtual reality goggle, and it straps you into this chair, and this chair looks like a motorcycle, and you look down, and you are riding this dragon. | ||
| And that's it. | ||
| And you go for this full HD, 3D environment. | ||
| They keep getting better and better at this shit. | ||
| I did the Transformers. | ||
| I brought my kid to Universal last year. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's not bad. | |
| That's a fun ride. | ||
| Dude, Transformers was awesome. | ||
| Harry Potter ride was dope. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Love the Harry Potter ride. | ||
| Jurassic Park, you're like, what in the fuck is that stupid fake dinosaur? | ||
| It was the last year. | ||
| I think they got rid of it. | ||
| It's the last one. | ||
| They spent more money on the ride than they did making the movie. | ||
| For Jurassic Park, and it wasn't that good of a ride. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Yeah, I ride that recently. | ||
| Come on! | ||
| Like $100, $50 million. | ||
| No, that ride is whack. | ||
| Impossible. | ||
| That's impossible. | ||
| That fact check, that's literally impossible. | ||
| But that ride is so old, you gotta realize. | ||
| It's to use Chuck E. Cheese technology in that ride. | ||
| It's a fucking animatronic. | ||
| They could reskin it, and it would be a giant rat playing drums. | ||
| I know, it's not even remotely scary. | ||
| It's like, what is this? | ||
| Well, the drop is scary. | ||
| That's the thing at the end of it. | ||
| They do a drop at the end. | ||
| You know, my son was five, so he was terrified. | ||
| The Jurassic Park River Adventure, $110 million. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| It remains the most expensive amusement park ride of all time and actually costs twice as much as Jurassic Park the movie. | ||
| I would have guessed more than $55 million. | ||
| Whoever made that Whoever made that right now has a bottle of champagne in one hand, a Coke tray in the other, and they're living in the Bahamas and some shit just laughing about how they got $110 million to make this shitty-ass ride, and they're just living like a baller. | ||
| Yeah, it is. | ||
| It's a different... | ||
| I mean, like Jay-Z and Big Pimp. | ||
|
unidentified
|
110 million. | |
| That ride is worth $35. | ||
| If that was at a county fair, I'd be like, alright. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| That would be the best ride at a county fair. | ||
| Big ride. | ||
| Big ride. | ||
| You should see if the dinosaur comes out. | ||
| It looks pretty good. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You never think that's a fucking dinosaur. | ||
| Yeah, I got caught. | ||
| Smoking weed at Universal Studios. | ||
| I had my girl bring my kid away. | ||
| And I was outside of the Jurassic Park. | ||
| I didn't get caught by the police. | ||
| But I was outside of the Jurassic Park ride. | ||
| And I was like, alright, bring him to go get a soda or whatever. | ||
| I'm going to sit here and smoke my vape pen. | ||
| And there's one of the handlers. | ||
| They have a thing where they have a velociraptor. | ||
| It's like a person in a costume. | ||
| But it's an animatronic costume. | ||
| And they're pretending to be a velociraptor. | ||
| And the trainer's trying to calm him down. | ||
| It's a whole display with the kids. | ||
| And everyone's really excited. | ||
| So I'm just kind of watching it. | ||
| Getting stoned, zoning out. | ||
| And at one point, the girl's got like one of those, you know, microphone face pieces on. | ||
|
unidentified
|
She just goes, she goes, sir, not here. | |
| Whoa. | ||
| And that was it. | ||
| And I went, oh. | ||
| And then I just... | ||
| Sir, not here. | ||
| Faded off into the distance. | ||
| I know. | ||
| I wonder if they're cooler about it now. | ||
| No, this is a year ago. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| This is not that long ago. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| I was very surprised. | ||
| I was like, this is California. | ||
| Well, not only that, what if it was a vape pen with tobacco? | ||
| Or CBD or... | ||
| Probably not. | ||
| I think there's smoking areas that are designated, but she knew what it was. | ||
| She saw my face. | ||
| Yeah, she saw it. | ||
| My mouth was agape watching real velociraptors walk around. | ||
| I was losing my mind. | ||
| It was awesome. | ||
| Dude, like, get out of here, stoner. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I was listening to the radio in Utah, and they were talking about how they have to figure out what to do with their drug-sniffing dogs now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Because there's no reason for them. | ||
| Is there a change in Utah? | ||
| Is Utah changing their drug policy? | ||
| Because it was funny listening to this old dude on, just for the fuck of it, I was listening to AM radio, talk radio, and this old dude was talking about how they're going to decommission some of these drug sniffing dogs because they'd use them on traffic stops. | ||
| There we go. | ||
| Medical marijuana in Utah could mean retirement for generation of drug canines. | ||
| Just fucking putting these dogs down. | ||
| Well, they also were worried about the police officers themselves losing jobs. | ||
| When you hear about pot that's making its way into a place like Utah, first of all, you realize, goddamn, pot is really... | ||
| You can't stop it now. | ||
| It's here. | ||
| The genie's out of the bottle. | ||
| It's here. | ||
| The revenue's in. | ||
| Grandma feels better. | ||
| The Alzheimer's, the people that have all these serious issues that CBD is fixing, arthritis patients... | ||
| People with real problems that are not finding any other solution that works the way cannabis does, they're just giving in. | ||
| And then they're making all this money. | ||
| But then you see these old folks that are from a different time, and they're talking about it. | ||
| And they look at it in terms of how many police jobs are going to go away, how many dogs are going to be decommissioned. | ||
| Well, none of them smoke weed, so they're like, it's not really my problem. | ||
| But it's interesting to watch them look at it as an economic issue. | ||
| The problem is you have potheads that are leading the charge, so for a long time it was difficult to take him serious. | ||
| You needed straight-laced guys to come in, and now there's a lot of money there. | ||
| There's so much money in it that you're getting that, but when you have fucking hippies playing hacky sack and wearing puka shell necklaces, it's sort of hard to take them seriously, when the reality is they kind of want it to be legalized for recreational purposes. | ||
| Yeah, I don't use weed. | ||
| I do take CBD. Literally, during that fight, I was using topical CBD the whole time. | ||
| Do you take oil, too? | ||
| I do. | ||
| I take CBD daily, but I don't know. | ||
| Infinite CBD sponsors our podcasts and festivals. | ||
| I'll get you a bunch of products, because they're a really great company that supports comedy. | ||
| They sponsored my tour when I was preparing for my special. | ||
| They're fucking dope. | ||
| But I take it daily. | ||
| I take the the oil just because you know apparently all of the the benefits that it has with getting your body back in Homeostasis and making you feel better and getting back in line. | ||
| I don't know the fucking effects I smoke weed every day as well, so I'm sure I'm getting CBD effects as well. | ||
| But in my mind, I'm going, well, I have a bunch of this stuff. | ||
| I know that since I started taking it, I weirdly feel better, but I can't really connect. | ||
| You said before you take CBD and you go into another realm. | ||
| Well, I was taking one and one. | ||
| It's like one gram of CBD to one gram of THC. So whatever milligrams you have, it's 10 milligrams CBD, it's 10 milligrams of weed as well. | ||
| It's potent. | ||
| I take regular CBD too, though. | ||
| I take oil. | ||
| I feel like it's very beneficial and much more potent in terms of its anti-inflammatory benefits than just smoking it. | ||
| Smoking it does something for you. | ||
| It definitely reduces inflammation. | ||
| It makes you feel better. | ||
| It's good for sore joints. | ||
| I was taking the topical I was using. | ||
| Topical is good too. | ||
| But I think the real combination is topical plus the oil. | ||
| You don't have to take it. | ||
| But a lot of people find that they have better pain relief from one plus one. | ||
| Like one part THC, one part. | ||
| So it's like edible, like marijuana mixed with CBD. A lot of people find great benefit in that for some reason. | ||
| Yeah, I had to trick my aunt, because my aunt's so anti-drugs, and if I told her that CBD was derived from hemp, she wouldn't take it, but she has bad arthritis, and I gave it to her for that, and she loves it, and then I told her after the fact, but it's grabbing due to... | ||
| It's just a plant, folks, and if you just get straight CBD, it has no psychoactive properties. | ||
| The only thing it's going to do is, for some folks, and it works a little bit that way with me, it alleviates some anxiety, it just relaxes you. | ||
| Yeah, that's... | ||
| That's why I smoke weed, too. | ||
| I've been arrested probably ten times in my life, and every time was for smoking a joint in the street. | ||
| Every single time, dude. | ||
| When they arrest you, did they take you in? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| New York? | ||
| Doggy. | ||
| In a fucking cell. | ||
| It's crazy! | ||
| Still? | ||
| They're still doing that? | ||
| The last time I was put into a cell for smoking weed was a year and a half ago. | ||
| Me and Dave Smith. | ||
| Two years ago, maybe. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Me and Dave Smith. | |
| Did you tell them you were Louis J. Gomez? | ||
| I told them Louis Gomez. | ||
| That's when I started using the middle of the show. | ||
| I was like, you know what? | ||
| I learned a lesson. | ||
| You know how many fucking Luis Gomez's must have rap sheets? | ||
| Doggy. | ||
| When I go to the airport, every time I come back into the country, I am pulled into a room and they look like they're about to fist fuck me with a rubber glove. | ||
| Every time. | ||
| Have you been to Panama any time recently, sir? | ||
| Yeah, that's it. | ||
| Come right this way. | ||
| Every single time. | ||
| Spend any time in Bolivia, sir? | ||
| But yeah, dude. | ||
| In New York City, the way it works is you... | ||
| Dude, it sucks. | ||
| It's happened so many times. | ||
| It's the worst because it's just a major inconvenience. | ||
| Pain in the ass to get into Canada. | ||
| I can do it now because they changed the laws, but I didn't go to Canada for like three years because of weed. | ||
| For being arrested for a joint. | ||
| We're not talking about like I have an ounce that I just bought from my dealer and they found a large amount on me. | ||
| A joint smoking on the street, what they do is they, at first they take the weed and And they go, alright, we're just going to give you a ticket. | ||
| Just hang tight, relax. | ||
| We're just going to put cuffs on you. | ||
| This is just to keep you calm and just to fucking get you in the paddy wagon. | ||
| This is all a process. | ||
| Then they put you in a paddy wagon. | ||
| They used to have sweet nights in New York where all it was was they would go and try to find kids smoking weed Drunk kids, college kids pissing in public, public intoxication, and the entire night they would just pick up everybody and fill up paddy wagons and create criminals. | ||
| Just create criminals out of teenagers, you know, and they were targeting, this is why the stop and frisk laws happened in New York, they changed it because they were just targeting black and Hispanic kids. | ||
| Because they were like, oh, come here, let me see what's in your pockets. | ||
| Vastly disproportionate numbers of them being stopped and frisked versus white kids. | ||
| And everybody's got weed in their pocket in New York City, okay? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's just so stupid that it's still illegal there. | ||
| Like, how the fuck is that clinging on in one of the biggest cities in the world? | ||
| How the fuck is that still going on? | ||
| Well, it's like the same thing with the UFC. It wasn't legal there. | ||
| It was the last date. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| I believe it was the last date, or maybe second to last. | ||
| And it's because... | ||
| Corruption. | ||
| Yeah, the amount of red tape involved, the amount of people that have to be paid off to make any laws happen in any type of fast way. | ||
| One of the guys that kept the UFC out wound up going to jail. | ||
| One of the guys that was actively campaigning to keep the UFC out. | ||
| He went to jail for corruption. | ||
| Which guy was this? | ||
| I don't remember. | ||
| Fuck him. | ||
| We dealt with that for a long time. | ||
| I don't even care. | ||
| I knew what it was, man. | ||
| I used to live in New York. | ||
| I know what it is. | ||
| There's a lot of that shit still around. | ||
| It's too big of a city. | ||
| Too many rats in the holes. | ||
| You know how many rats are in the streets of New York City just all throughout the bottom of the subway and running around the sewer system? | ||
| There's rats. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They just, like, they've become a part of the ecosystem. | ||
| Well, there's human rats, too. | ||
| There's, like, creepy, corrupt motherfuckers that have been manipulating shit and getting people to pay them off for protection and all sorts of sneaky fucking city-related shit that takes forever to clean out. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Just to get it out of the streets of New York, ugh, it would take forever. | ||
| They did a good job. | ||
| I mean, they cleaned up Times Square. | ||
| They eliminated a lot of the mob. | ||
| But they're still doing mob killings, right? | ||
| That guy just got whacked. | ||
| Yeah, some dude just got killed. | ||
| Just got whacked. | ||
| That happened and I was like, what? | ||
| There's the mob? | ||
| The mob's still alive? | ||
| Still alive. | ||
| They're out there? | ||
| Still whacking people. | ||
| No way. | ||
| I know. | ||
| I thought it was done. | ||
| I thought it was done. | ||
| I literally thought it ended in like the 80s, the Italian mob. | ||
| I had no idea. | ||
| I thought so too. | ||
| I thought they were all like fucking reality stars now. | ||
| Yeah, right? | ||
| I know, like mob bosses, wives. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Those fucking shows. | ||
| Grown up gaudy, that was one of them. | ||
| Whatever one where this lady was... | ||
| I remember watching one where this girl was drinking and she got mouthy with this guy and then the guy told her to go fuck herself. | ||
| She's like, oh yeah, and then she calls her ex-husband up who said mobster. | ||
| The ex-husband comes over and talks to the guy. | ||
| I'm like, can you imagine you're some poor guy at a bar? | ||
| And some... | ||
| Crazy lady starts yelling shit at you. | ||
| You go, fuck you, cunt. | ||
| And she calls this guy who comes over and you look in his eyes, you know he's killed about 18 fucking people. | ||
| You're like, oh, Jesus. | ||
| That's it? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, that's the other thing is like, you know, you go after a chick, you got to be ready to fight. | ||
| If you're just calling some chick a fat cunt, just be ready. | ||
| Whatever's going to happen. | ||
| And I feel bad because the guy that she's with, now he's like, fuck. | ||
| Now I've got to fight for this fat cunt. | ||
| I've seen it happen, man. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| We were at a UFC event in Philly years ago. | ||
| Forrest Griffin, Anderson Silva. | ||
| Okay? | ||
| And... | ||
| There was a guy, I was with a chick who was sort of dating. | ||
| She was a little chubbier. | ||
| And me and my buddies were there. | ||
| And these fucking Philly dickheads were just ready for a fight, dude. | ||
| Back then, dude, Jersey, Philly, there was always like seven, eight fights in the crowd. | ||
| It was like, it was crazy. | ||
| And these guys were just ready for a fight. | ||
| And I remember she was like there, and they were like right in front of us. | ||
| But she was sort of in between us. | ||
| And the guy just said, he was like, yeah, fuck you and fuck your fat cunt girlfriend. | ||
| And literally in that moment, I'm like... | ||
| Well, now I have to fight this guy because he... | ||
| And I don't even like this girl, really. | ||
| So now it's like a... | ||
| But it's a weird thing. | ||
| So I just pretended I didn't hear him. | ||
| I was like, what? | ||
| That was it. | ||
| We just kind of like scuffled and I was like, that was that. | ||
| And she was like, did you hear what he said? | ||
| I was like, no. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What are you talking about? | |
| You have to fight for my honor. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I've dated girls like that. | ||
| Eating chips while you're getting your head stomped. | ||
| She's like, I'm going to get a hot dog. | ||
| I've had girls that I've dated that would... | ||
| Want you to fight for them? | ||
| Not want... | ||
| They would just... | ||
| Ladies, if any ladies listen to the show, all three or four ladies that are listening to the show right now, if... | ||
| Just don't get your man into a fight. | ||
| Let him decide. | ||
| Don't start talking shit to another dude that... | ||
| You're putting him in a situation that maybe he doesn't want to be in, and you're never going to know whether or not he wants to be in that situation. | ||
| You're never going to get the honest story, what's going on in his fucking mind right there. | ||
| Just know we never want you to start talking shit to a dude in the middle of an altercation because it's never gonna end good No, most of the time most time does not end good Especially if blows start flying man people getting knocked out some guy got hurt really bad at a Dodgers game recently He got knocked out and cracked his head off the ground. | ||
| That's what people need to understand people die from that shit You watch movies and people knock people out and the person's fine You know you could get a goddamn murder rap If you punch someone and they fall and most people when you punch them in the face they go unconsciously They have no idea what happened. | ||
| They go unconscious. | ||
| Their head bounces off the ground. | ||
| They die. | ||
| It happens all the time. | ||
| Kevin James, when he was a kid, when he was a bouncer in Long Island, one of the guys at the bar, I don't think he was working that night, but one of the guys he knew and worked with knocked a guy out. | ||
| The guy fell, hit his head off a curb, dead. | ||
| Guy went up to go to jail for years. | ||
| Spent years in jail at some fucking $10 an hour job where you're fighting drunks. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Just getting into some dumb fight, which is... | ||
| Just thinking it's okay to just tee off on someone's face. | ||
| But it's also probably pretty rare. | ||
| People falling and hitting their head and dying, that's not rare at all. | ||
| That's really common. | ||
| Think about what that is. | ||
| I've seen a lot of people get knocked out, so I'm the wrong guy to ask. | ||
| But I'm saying dying from hitting their head on a curb. | ||
| I haven't seen them die, but they could easily. | ||
| I guarantee you, in a major city like New York, I bet somebody dies falling and hitting their head off the curb every week. | ||
| When you punch someone and they fall, think about how far that is, right? | ||
| Think about the amount of force that's involved. | ||
| Now, think about if you were standing there and someone hit you in the back of the head with something. | ||
| Now, think about that something was the fucking world. | ||
| The earth. | ||
| It doesn't give at all. | ||
| Concrete doesn't give at all. | ||
| The only thing that gives is your head. | ||
| Your head has to bounce. | ||
| And your skull fractures. | ||
| And you get internal bleeding. | ||
| Your brain hemorrhages. | ||
| It cuts off your ability to move. | ||
| You might have a stroke. | ||
| I mean, it's horrible. | ||
| Getting knocked out and falling and hitting your head off the ground is a terrifying thing. | ||
| And when you hear the sound of smack of someone's head bouncing off the concrete, it sounds hollow. | ||
| It sounds like a melon. | ||
| It sounds terrible, like a hard melon or something like that. | ||
| Yeah, you see it happen where people pass out. | ||
| There's videos that are out there that fall over, and then they just split their head open. | ||
| Oh, it's the worst, dude. | ||
| Gruesome. | ||
| Falling backwards, though, is something, especially when you get hit, you get fucking clipped on the chin, your head snaps, and your lights shut off, and you just fall and bounce. | ||
| It's even in boxing matches, man. | ||
| So the scariest knockouts are when a guy gets KO'd and then his head bounces off the ground. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| In MMA and the UFC, same thing. | ||
| When guys fall back and their head bounces off the ground. | ||
| It's like a double knockout. | ||
| That's why I watched that Fight Science thing back in the day that they were doing on Spike TV. It was like a show called, I think it was called Fight Science. | ||
| And they were just explaining why ground and pound was so much more brutal than a straight up standing punch. | ||
| And they showed the 3D animation of the head, and the fist coming down, and then the head bouncing off the mat, and then the brain bouncing off the front, then bouncing to the back, then the fist comes back up again, and your brain is just being over and over again. | ||
| And you can't go anywhere. | ||
| You're stuck. | ||
| Oh, it's terrifying. | ||
| I got beat up in the sixth grade by an African kid named Babatunde. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| Every day, 153 people in the United States die from injuries that include traumatic brain injury. | ||
| Wait a minute. | ||
| Okay. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| That include traumatic brain injury? | ||
| So it's an injury that also has traumatic brain injury? | ||
| Yeah, this is a head injury. | ||
| I see what they're saying. | ||
| Those who survive a TBI can face effects that last a few days or the rest of their lives. | ||
| That's the other thing. | ||
| Impaired thinking or memory, movement sensation, vision, emotional functioning, personality changes or depression. | ||
| These issues not only affect individuals, it can have lasting effects on families and communities. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| Don't get hit in the head. | ||
| Avoid it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Take it from somebody that's been hit in the head. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Avoid it. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Whenever with my son, because there's just like a lot of, there's a weird thing in New York as well where there's like a lot of tough guys that, it's like this alpha energy where you'll get on the subway and there's another dude who like makes eye contact with you and you're like weirdly like you're in a weird beef now because you're just looking at a dude in the eyes. | ||
| Ugh. | ||
| And then it becomes a thing where you have to look away. | ||
| You have this internal struggle where you're going like, well, no, I'm not going to look away because this guy's looking at me. | ||
| And then I look at my kids right there, and I'm going like, what is even going on in my head right now? | ||
| I need to just go to another subway car. | ||
| Just avoid, at all costs, Having to get into a confrontation in front of him, because that's one of my biggest fears in the world, is not knowing what to do. | ||
| There's people that live in Montana that are listening to this right now, they're like, what the fuck are you talking about? | ||
| You look each other in the eye, and someone wants to fight for no reason? | ||
| This is the nature of being penned up. | ||
| That many people, there's something cool about it. | ||
| The cool thing we talked about before, that people are like, you're exposed, even if you're a poor kid, you're exposed to rich people. | ||
| They're there. | ||
| They're normal. | ||
| It doesn't seem unattainable or unreachable. | ||
| They're all around you. | ||
| That path is there. | ||
| Well, there are humans that are, they're just like you, you're around them. | ||
| But if you live in a place where you're never around them, you never get that. | ||
| So there's benefits to New York for sure. | ||
| Culturally, there's benefits. | ||
| Just the energy, the city and so much creativity, so much going on. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's even beyond just the money thing. | ||
| It is the creativity portion where like literally everybody, everybody that's in New York is trying to do something. | ||
| They're all trying to make something happen. | ||
| If they're trying to become a banker, they're trying to become the number one fucking banker in the country. | ||
| They're trying to become the best at that. | ||
| And that energy of success, it's really good. | ||
| And that's why I'm happy. | ||
| On one level, I'm happy I'm raising my kid in the city because of that. | ||
| On the other level, it's like, I want my kid to build a fucking treehouse. | ||
| He's never built a treehouse. | ||
| He can't go out of the house without somebody being right there. | ||
| Maybe you could Show them some shit on the weekends. | ||
| Take them places on the weekends where you could be around the woods so you could get the best of both worlds. | ||
| There's definitely a benefit to being in a city where you're a kid or an adult. | ||
| There's definitely a benefit. | ||
| The negative part is this depreciation of value of life. | ||
| There's so many people. | ||
| You don't think of them as being as important. | ||
| They're a hindrance as much as they are a nice thing to see. | ||
| There's so many homeless people too. | ||
| There's a homeless woman who basically stands on my corner and just begs for change every day. | ||
| And my son was with me the other day, and this woman, she's like, hey, do you have any money for a sandwich? | ||
| And I was like, no, sorry, I don't today, and I keep on walking. | ||
| And then I looked at my son, and he's like, Ted, that's really sad. | ||
| She doesn't have money for a sandwich. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And I'm like, she has every fucking day, James. | |
| Every day she has. | ||
| And I had to explain to him. | ||
| I was like, well, you know, look, I can't give her money every single day. | ||
| And I was like, you know what, I do have a dollar, though. | ||
| I was like, why don't we go back and give her a dollar? | ||
| And he was like, no, I get it now. | ||
| I swear to God, he stopped me from giving her the dollar. | ||
| Well, if the world was just one... | ||
| There was only one person like that. | ||
| That was the only issue. | ||
| Just one lady. | ||
| Just need some help. | ||
| You'd be like, oh, we'll just help her. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But when there's a million of them, you're like, well, I can't help. | ||
| I just can't do this. | ||
| I gotta keep going. | ||
| I gotta concentrate on my own shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And that's a microcosm of what happens in a city. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| If that lady was in a small town, she would be the crazy beggar lady. | ||
| People would probably figure out a way to help her out. | ||
| They'd do her cans. | ||
| They'd do something. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Some people, the problem is, it's just like humans, some humans, when you give them that as an option, just begging. | ||
| Like, there's guys who do it, and there was a whole San Francisco... | ||
| When I lived in San Francisco, there was a news report thing about this guy who was doing it for a living. | ||
| He was making... | ||
| A lot of money? | ||
| A lot of money, man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's just begging, and he was essentially saying there's nothing wrong with it, it's totally legal, and I just make up stories and have people donate money to me, and I think of it as like an occupation. | ||
| So it was weird listening to him talk about it, because he was telling this lady, who was the reporter lady, he was telling her how she could do it too, and how he was doing it, and how he shows people how to do it. | ||
| But he was making a decent living. | ||
| A couple hundred bucks a day. | ||
| Yeah, I'm sure. | ||
| I don't remember because I was a kid, but I remember listening like, oh, this motherfucker, he's just faking it. | ||
| I don't, in a weird way, I appreciate the hustle. | ||
| I don't, look, I watched my mom on welfare. | ||
| I remember as a kid watching my mom collect a welfare check and sitting in the room, smoke cigarettes and not work. | ||
| And I remember as a little kid being like, that's not right. | ||
| I was like, what are you doing? | ||
| Just work. | ||
| Do something else. | ||
| We could be in a better situation. | ||
| Just from way too young having that thought. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But... | ||
| In a weird way, I appreciate the guy's hustle. | ||
| He's figured out a way to thrive. | ||
| Sort of. | ||
| It's nothing to be proud of. | ||
| He shouldn't be bragging about it, but at the same time, it's just a different system. | ||
| It's a different game. | ||
| If you disconnect from whatever we're... | ||
| He's a con artist. | ||
| There's never a good thing having someone who's lying to everybody. | ||
| All the time. | ||
| I appreciate a good con artist. | ||
| I really do. | ||
| They're boring. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| Yeah, it's boring. | ||
| It's boring. | ||
| Just figure it out, stupid. | ||
| Stop lying to people. | ||
| Aren't they figuring out something different, though? | ||
| No, they're just fining lemmings. | ||
| That's all they're doing. | ||
| They're fining lemmings. | ||
| They're fining people that don't know any better. | ||
| People that... | ||
| What's three-card money? | ||
| Come on, I'll show you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's what they're doing. | |
| Well, that's sort of what the homeless lady is doing. | ||
| Now, look, I've been in New York City since 2001. I'm so desensitized to homeless people that there's no part of me that feels bad. | ||
| I just will walk on. | ||
| Sorry, can't. | ||
| Keep on going. | ||
| But what happens is you get... | ||
| They're looking for the person who moved there a week ago. | ||
| They're looking for the tourists. | ||
| They're looking for the person who... | ||
| They're looking for nice people. | ||
| And they're there. | ||
| So it's sort of like that's... | ||
| But that's not the same thing. | ||
| Like that lady might just be crazy. | ||
| She's not a con artist. | ||
| Con artists are people lying and pretending. | ||
| Listen, my car broke down. | ||
| My wife and kid haven't had anything to eat in 24 hours. | ||
| And I'm really in a bad situation. | ||
| I would never do this. | ||
| But I just ask you if you could just give me $5. | ||
| And the guy says, yeah, man, sure. | ||
| I'm sorry. | ||
| Here's $5. | ||
| Next person... | ||
| Hey, man, I need to go take this flight to see my mom. | ||
| She's dying of cancer. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well, it'll change. | |
| Usually they have the same story. | ||
| My flight got canceled, and they'll change it all the time. | ||
| Well, I had a guy do that to me in New York when I first moved there, and this guy was wearing a suit. | ||
| Young, white guy wearing a suit. | ||
| He was like, dude, I missed my bus back home. | ||
| I was here for a job interview. | ||
| I'm just trying to get money for a bus ticket back home. | ||
| And I was like, oh, here's a couple bucks, whatever. | ||
| And the next day in Union Square, same fucking kid, same suit, same story, because they learn it like a sales pitch. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| So they know the beats of it. | ||
| They know exactly what to say. | ||
| You see on the subway, when they get on the subway, they have an actual script. | ||
| So it's like, you know, I don't mean to beg, but my wife is blah, blah, blah, blah. | ||
| And you see them every day going down the cart. | ||
| And if you've ever done a sales job, a good sales script is pretty good. | ||
| You're just sort of fishing. | ||
| You're playing the numbers. | ||
| Instead of sort of adding emotion to it and changing the story and doing all these different things and putting too much thought into it, you go, I'm just going to run the script and close one out of 20 people that walk by. | ||
| Stupid. | ||
| The only benefit is that you grow up around people that are full of shit and you learn how to spot people that are full of shit. | ||
| It's the only benefit. | ||
| Other than that, it's just annoying. | ||
| I agree with you, but I also can appreciate it. | ||
| I can appreciate a good hustler. | ||
| A good hustler goes out and gets a fucking job. | ||
| You don't just lie to people everywhere with some stupid story about how you missed your bus. | ||
| Get your shit together, pussy. | ||
| Stop mooching money from people. | ||
| That's gross. | ||
| It's gross. | ||
| What about a guy who sells his CD on the street? | ||
| A little bit different, because he's offering something. | ||
| He has his art. | ||
| We got a CD player. | ||
| You do now. | ||
| I always got a CD player. | ||
| I do. | ||
| We got a laptop. | ||
| I got a refurbished laptop. | ||
| We had this guy in Columbus who sort of reminded me. | ||
| I completely forgot about him. | ||
| He was known as the rapping bum or help is on the way. | ||
| For like 15, 20 years at Ohio State, this guy would be on the high street, which is like the main strip, and he had all these rhymes he would constantly go to. | ||
| It always ended with help is on the way, but I don't remember a lot of them. | ||
| He always said help is on the way? | ||
| It was like this punchline, like help is on the way. | ||
| He had t-shirts made about him. | ||
| I think someone actually recorded him at one point in like 2005 or 6. You remember when they found that homeless dude that had that crazy radio voice? | ||
| Yeah, that was in Columbus too. | ||
| Was it? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh yeah, he got a job, right? | ||
| I think somebody gave him a job. | ||
| Went right back to the pipe. | ||
| He fucked it up. | ||
| Yeah, he fucked it up. | ||
| Well, you can't fix people, man. | ||
| You can't fix them like that. | ||
| That voice was fire, though. | ||
| It's a very good voice. | ||
| He had a great voice. | ||
| Radio voice. | ||
| He got a lot of gigs, too. | ||
| Silky smooth. | ||
| And he just wound up going right back to being a homeless person, right? | ||
| Well, I mean, it's not... | ||
| This is going to sound very insensitive, but most of the time it's not bad luck. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know, it's sort of the decisions you make. | ||
| And I'm not saying that you can't have a bad situation. | ||
| There is bad luck in the sense that some people are born into affluent households and some people are born into poverty. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But... | |
| This is him? | ||
| Yeah, this is him. | ||
| Let's hear it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
To nothing but the best of oldies, you're listening to Magic 98.9. | |
| Thank you so much. | ||
| God bless you. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| He was a radio guy and I fell on their times. | ||
| Yeah, and then he fell on... | ||
|
unidentified
|
And don't forget, tomorrow morning is your chance to win a pair of tickets to see this man live in concert. | |
| I think doing that for a living makes you fucking crazy. | ||
| That's what I think. | ||
| I think if you have that fake voice, eventually you just snap. | ||
| You know, I can't do this anymore. | ||
| I can't talk like this. | ||
| I can't have this fake voice. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Just blow a fuse, and that guy blew a fuse. | ||
| Imagine going into voiceover auditions. | ||
| Have you done that a lot in your career? | ||
| No. | ||
| I've voiced over a couple things, but nothing serious. | ||
| It's such a weird, like, other hustle. | ||
| Like, you're like, that's a whole world in comedy where, like, guys are every day going out and doing voiceover auditions and trying to be a voice in some commercial. | ||
| It's so disconnected from creativity. | ||
| Like, there's no part of... | ||
| When I first started comedy, I started reading these, like, books on things you could do, because this is before podcasting was even a thing, and... | ||
| It was like you could do stand-up. | ||
| You could try to get corporate gigs. | ||
| You could try to write jingles for commercials or write Hallmark cards. | ||
| That was one of the things. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Write Hallmark cards? | ||
| It was this chick who wrote all these books. | ||
| Oh, I know. | ||
| Judy Brown? | ||
| Is that what it is? | ||
| You're so close. | ||
| It's not Judy Brown, but you're close. | ||
| Something like that. | ||
| Fuck, yeah. | ||
| She wrote books on how to do stand-up. | ||
| It was workbooks. | ||
| What the hell was her name? | ||
| She's the one who did it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, she had a bunch of them, but there was no real evidence of her being good at comedy. | ||
| No, none of them are good at comedy. | ||
| Judy... | ||
| Something? | ||
| How do you do... | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| Here's the deal. | ||
| For people who don't know what the fuck we're talking about, there was literally no books on how to do stand-up. | ||
| There was no books. | ||
| There was a couple books written by comics, and they were almost always tongue-in-cheek. | ||
| Like, Belzer, Richard Belzer wrote a book on how to do stand-up, and just gave you some joke advice... | ||
| Judy Carter. | ||
| So she wrote these books on how to do stand-up, and everybody bought those books. | ||
| Everybody that wanted to try to do stand-up bought those books. | ||
| You see them in comedy green rooms still a lot, just like on a shelf somewhere. | ||
| And they would give you exercises, so she'd be like, go get a newspaper and write ten premises out of the newspaper today. | ||
| Look, the reality is, if you're not a funny person, and you're still trying to pursue a path in stand-up, that's not... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There she is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Get out of here with that shit. | |
| Shut that off. | ||
| You won't give her the time of day. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| Fuck you, Judy Corder. | ||
| Maybe she's funny. | ||
| I'm just joking. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Impossible. | |
| People are so goddamn sensitive these days. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Do you find that? | ||
| It's like, what we do, honestly, on a podcast, just in the realm of talking shit, this is one of the last bastions of actual shit talking. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| When we smoked weed... | ||
| You sit back and chill. | ||
| Half the Fight Companion podcast that we do, we want it being completely blitzkrieg hammered by the time it's over. | ||
| Hell yeah. | ||
| You're talking shit live. | ||
| In real time. | ||
| And motherfuckers, if I put a microphone in front of you for 10 hours a week... | ||
| You're going to say something stupid. | ||
| You're going to say a lot more stupid shit than I say. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Way more stupid shit, okay? | ||
| Oh, for sure, but that's not even the point. | ||
| I'm doing pretty good. | ||
| It's like, what Patrice said is so pertinent. | ||
| It's so important that it all comes from the same place. | ||
| Whether it hits or misses. | ||
| Like, when you're just trying to be funny, you're just trying to be funny. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Like, that's all you're trying to do. | ||
| You're not trying to hurt anybody's feelings. | ||
| And sometimes to be funny, the funniest thing to say is the most fucked up thing or the thing that's making. | ||
| Well, I say trolls all the time because, you know, people say mean shit about me on the Internet. | ||
| And I go, well, no, it's not about me. | ||
| That's the funniest thing to say in that moment. | ||
| And they're trying to be they're comedy fans. | ||
| They're trying to be funny. | ||
| So when you step back and don't take us personally, you kind of go like, oh, I get why that's funny. | ||
| It also fits in with what you do. | ||
| And that's what you do. | ||
| So it fits in. | ||
| They're jumping in. | ||
| We bust balls. | ||
| That's the other thing you don't realize. | ||
| You're called Legion of Skanks. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, what the fuck is anybody expecting from that name? | ||
| Well, that's why we don't get in trouble, I think. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes! | |
| We call it the most offensive podcast on earth. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And we say... | ||
| I mean, the craziest shit you could possibly say on a podcast. | ||
| It's nuts. | ||
| It's actually... | ||
| You're never going to get a network gig. | ||
| No, we got a pilot deal with True TV last year. | ||
| That's a mistake by their part. | ||
| I'm glad they canceled that. | ||
| They put the kibosh on that bad boy, don't you worry. | ||
| That never made it to even filming day. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You don't need it. | |
| No, we don't. | ||
| You don't need it. | ||
| With the internet today, man, you don't need anything. | ||
| No, but you're right. | ||
| We're never going to get a TV deal. | ||
| You don't want it. | ||
| You don't want it, man. | ||
| I literally told my agent, stop sending me on acting gigs for ABC. I was like, what do you think is going to happen? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What do you think is going to happen? | ||
| I'm going to get a gig and I'm going to get fired from it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then it's going to put me in a... | ||
| Once you sort of open that can of worms, you're sort of labeled a problem. | ||
| I'd rather work with people that want to work with me and sort of get what I do. | ||
| Well, not only that, do you really have aspirations to be an actor? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, I hate it. | |
| Or is it one of those stupid things they rope you into? | ||
| It's one of those stupid things they rope you into. | ||
| Just wasting time. | ||
| Yeah, they rope you into it because he, like, Mitch Hedberg had a whole joke about it, about that comedy is one of the weird things that if you, like, do comedy, they expect you to also act. | ||
| I forget the bit. | ||
| And it's another completely different... | ||
| Different thing. | ||
| Such a different thing. | ||
| I mean, even on the cellular level, how to start off. | ||
| Acting is such a... | ||
| You go to technique classes, and it's a real art. | ||
| I really appreciate people who are good actors. | ||
| It is a majorly different thing. | ||
| But for some reason, they group them together, like actor and comedian, when it's as different as hockey player and comedian. | ||
| Yeah, it is. | ||
| Well, not really. | ||
| Because if you can act, you could be a comic. | ||
| If you can do comedy, I think you can act. | ||
| I think it's possible. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Maybe. | |
| I think it's possible. | ||
| More likely, if you do comedy, you can act. | ||
| This might be my own bias. | ||
| More likely. | ||
| Do you want some weed? | ||
| You don't have to roll it like a peasant. | ||
| No, I'll roll some weed. | ||
| I feel like I'll bring some weed for you guys. | ||
| Dude, we get sponsored. | ||
| Speed weed is dropping off. | ||
| We got so much weed here, it's already rolled up. | ||
| Dude, we have a war chest. | ||
| I love Gino. | ||
| He's the fucking man. | ||
| He's the best. | ||
| That war chest in the back, that's all weed, dude. | ||
| We can get high for a year and never leave this room. | ||
| All right, let's smoke another blunt, baby boy. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| That's what I'm talking about, son. | ||
| I didn't realize you smoked blunts, too, which is fucking dope. | ||
| Where's the one that we just had? | ||
| Is it this one? | ||
| This one just go out? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| No, was it different? | ||
| Put it over here. | ||
| Is that it? | ||
| Yeah, that's it. | ||
| Get one that's as fresh as possible. | ||
| That might be it. | ||
| That last one might be it. | ||
| No, this is not. | ||
| That thing's falling off. | ||
| Oh. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hmm. | |
| They're all dry. | ||
| One second ago, you were like, dude, we got weed for days here. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We're fucking going through roaches in her mouth. | |
| What's his face? | ||
| Action Bronson. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Action Bronson came in here, and by the time the ashtray was done, I had to take a picture of it. | ||
| Like, this is ridiculous. | ||
| This is all his weed. | ||
| Oh, he just keeps on smoking? | ||
| He smoked like seven joints. | ||
| I mean, blunts. | ||
| Just kept going. | ||
| Big ones. | ||
| Sticks. | ||
| Bats. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm a pothead. | ||
| I'm a morning smoker. | ||
| I was saying, I wrote... | ||
| I wrote last night at like 1 o'clock in the morning. | ||
| I took an edible, gave the missus the business. | ||
| And then afterwards, I couldn't lay down. | ||
| I was laying down. | ||
| It was like midnight. | ||
| All these ideas were rolling through my head. | ||
| I'm like, I know the right thing to do. | ||
| I got to get up and write. | ||
| And sometimes you write and just bullshit comes out. | ||
| And there's nothing there. | ||
| And sometimes you write and you just hit a vein, man. | ||
| Whether it's creativity, vulnerability, life experiences, thoughts, recent things in the news. | ||
| Everything just comes together. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Boom! | |
| And then you have these ideas. | ||
| And then those ideas could eventually be bits. | ||
| That's like those moments when you get an idea and when you get the inspiration to write. | ||
| Man, as a comic, it's one of the most important things to capture. | ||
| You've got to dive on those. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Because you might have your next closing bit in that moment. | ||
| It's such a hard... | ||
| That's where the difference between pros who are legitimately... | ||
| Who really care about the craft and guys like me who... | ||
| I don't fucking... | ||
| I need to do it more. | ||
| I mean, I... This is the first time doing this special. | ||
| It was the first time that I ever had to... | ||
| There was a purpose to doing stand-up. | ||
| It was a fucking hobby before. | ||
| There was nothing... | ||
| I wasn't working on anything. | ||
| I was running a race for no reason. | ||
| There was nothing... | ||
| There was no... | ||
| I was doing bits. | ||
| You're just working on it forever. | ||
| You're like, nobody's asking for this. | ||
| I'm not doing late-night sets or putting out an album. | ||
| And all of those little habits, they're great. | ||
| You definitely know Gary Goleman, who's a brilliant comic. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| I've known Gary forever. | ||
| I'm sure he had Boston. | ||
| Unbelievable guy. | ||
| I didn't know him from Boston. | ||
| I met him out here. | ||
| I think I met him at the Laugh Factor. | ||
| He's a fucking man. | ||
| But on his Twitter, he does a writing tip every day. | ||
| Oh, beautiful. | ||
| And he's got these really cool writing tips for young comics. | ||
| If you're a young comic, you should go follow Gary Goldman because he's great. | ||
| But he has these great little tips where it's like when you're writing down your... | ||
| Your jokes leave a space between each line so then you can go in and fill in different words later. | ||
| And it gets very specific like that. | ||
| And I think putting in those little habits and just making it a genuine rule where you say, every morning I'm going to get up and I'm going to write for one hour. | ||
| And I'm going to commit to that. | ||
| Whether I feel motivated or not, you will eventually reap a lot of benefits. | ||
| And I think when I started doing comedy, it was like, it wasn't... | ||
| These are the tips. | ||
| Some of the most recent ones he did. | ||
| He spelled written wrong. | ||
| LAUGHTER But I fuck up spelling all the time. | ||
| It's okay to bomb, taking risks. | ||
| Oh, it's good for him. | ||
| There's also, I think there's a Twitter called Advice for Writers. | ||
| That's interesting. | ||
| Here's the number one thing, though. | ||
| Here's number one. | ||
| Write. | ||
| Just do it. | ||
| Just get out there and make it happen. | ||
| Just start moving. | ||
| You gotta force yourself to sit in front of a notepad or whatever it is for X amount of time a day. | ||
| Have a fucking timer. | ||
| Set it. | ||
| Make sure you do it. | ||
| And then if that timer goes off and you're still working, keep going. | ||
| If you can, if you feel it, keep going. | ||
| But make yourself do it. | ||
| If you just make yourself do it, that's more important than anything else. | ||
| All that other stuff, the other stuff is good. | ||
| It's all good to have structure and understanding, but the number one thing people have a problem with is doing it. | ||
| It's like talking about exercise but not exercising. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Well, it's like, I think the other thing is, with social media, you have the tendency to say, oh, I'm going to just tweet this. | ||
| And then you don't really work the joke the same way you would if you were sitting down and trying to work a joke because you're trying to fit it into a certain amount of characters. | ||
| You're trying to make it funny in a certain way when you're not going to get the maximum. | ||
| And that's where I think a problem where I have where I'm like, oh, dude, I'll just go and tweet this or I'll put it on Instagram or whatever it is. | ||
| But yeah, I think that's another... | ||
| I think I'm sort of turning a corner now where... | ||
| I'm starting to look at that process more. | ||
| That's fun too, man. | ||
| Tweet jokes are great. | ||
| Nothing wrong with it. | ||
| A lot of people have become famous for having a really good Twitter account when they say funny shit. | ||
| Nothing wrong with that. | ||
| But you've got to write for yourself, man. | ||
| Writing for yourself is everything. | ||
| It's everything. | ||
| It's the one thing that we tend to fuck off on. | ||
| You know, so one thing, I like to reinforce it. | ||
| Do you still listen back to sets and everything? | ||
| I listen to them in my car. | ||
| I have them, I listen to them on the way. | ||
| If I'm working on some new shit, try to say, oh yeah, don't forget that part. | ||
| Oh, make sure you pause there. | ||
| Make sure you, maybe if you emphasize this first, it'll make that better. | ||
| I think you're thinking of punches right there too. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| It's like doing an extra set. | ||
| Say if you do three sets a night, but you record three sets a night, and you listen to two sets a night, now you did five sets a night. | ||
| It is like it, because you're in that mindset, maybe even more beneficial. | ||
| Not beneficial in terms of that groove that you get in when you're just loose on stage and everything's flowing. | ||
| The only way to get there, I think, or the only way I know how to get there, I should say, is I have to do a lot of stand-up. | ||
| If I don't do a lot of stand-up, there's always this weird feeling of awkwardness that you have to overcome in the beginning. | ||
| But when you do a lot of stand-up, right away, you can be loose. | ||
| And that is essential for getting the material across the best way. | ||
| But you probably can get a lot of work done on top of that if you listen more. | ||
| A lot of guys don't like to listen. | ||
| It sounds gross. | ||
| Listen to yourself. | ||
| Like, shut up, stupid. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ugh, your voice. | |
| You're so annoying and fake. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Stop. | |
| Well, watching back the special, editing it myself. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Blah! | |
| With an editor, obviously, but you start to hate it, and the more time you have with it, you're taking more things out, and you're noticing more things wrong. | ||
| You'll eventually whittle it down to nothing. | ||
| Look, I think that's probably a good sign. | ||
| My taste is better than I am as a comedian, substantially. | ||
| I have impeccable tastes in comedy. | ||
| The guys who I look up to, Patrice, Dave Vittell, these are the best of the best, in my opinion. | ||
| And I sort of hold myself to that standard. | ||
| And I'll never be there in my mind. | ||
| Probably in most people's minds. | ||
| But I'll never fucking... | ||
| Those are the best. | ||
| And you start to hate it. | ||
| And that's a very difficult, painful process. | ||
| And I think most people... | ||
| Most people, even if you don't do stand-up, go listen back... | ||
| Anybody older listening to this, think about when you still put answering machine messages, or you still do it with your voicemail. | ||
| How many times do you go back and go, I sound like a fucking idiot, and you delete it again and again and again, and then you've done it 30 times. | ||
| And, yeah, I think that's just sort of natural. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, if you care about what you do, you're going to hate it. | |
| You know, Alexander Gustafson said something like that once. | ||
| He's one of the UFC's top light heavyweights, and he was talking about being a professional fighter, that as a professional athlete, he was never satisfied. | ||
| He still is never satisfied. | ||
| Nothing's ever good enough. | ||
| And this is just the mindset that you have to be to be an elite athlete. | ||
| And I think anything you're really trying to do, you're going to pick it apart. | ||
| And as you're picking it apart, you're going to find stuff that you hate. | ||
| But you've got to still find stuff that you love, too. | ||
| Like the balance of doing too many sets. | ||
| You know when you do too many sets and you get stale? | ||
| You get flat. | ||
| Yeah, that's not good either. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Well, when you're just going through the same thing, you know where the punch is coming. | ||
| You feel like they know. | ||
| It's like... | ||
| You feel like they know. | ||
| That's part of it. | ||
| Because you know, so it's hard for you to be in the moment. | ||
| Because it's like you've heard it too many times, so you don't want to say it again. | ||
| Well, I think about this. | ||
| Like, you know, it must be crazy for you. | ||
| Because every show you do, there's somebody that probably fucking followed you from the next city. | ||
| And are you ever conscious of that? | ||
| Are you ever thinking like, fuck dude, I know that guy. | ||
| He saw this bit. | ||
| Just for one dude, for me, one dude, I'm like, fuck dude, I want to do that bit now. | ||
| It'll be a crowd of 250 people. | ||
| I'm like, you know, I don't want to do it. | ||
| And as I start saying it, I scan the crowd and I find his eyes and I'm like, I'm a fucking hack. | ||
| I just I'm so bad. | ||
| But that's the process that you have to go through. | ||
| I think Stanhope yelled at a guy to stop coming and sitting in the front row because he did a second show and the guy was there for the second show too in the same spot. | ||
| He's like, what the fuck? | ||
| You can't do that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, it can definitely mess your head. | ||
| The illusion of you being in the moment talking about these subjects is out the window if someone saw you do it the exact same way three hours ago. | ||
| And that's the magic trick. | ||
| If you know the sleight of hand, it doesn't matter. | ||
| If you know what's going to happen, you just see it every single time. | ||
| But there's some people that love the process. | ||
| I met these two ladies in Austin that travel around the world listening to stand-up. | ||
| They went to see Ari in Iceland, and I think they saw him in the UK, too. | ||
| They're like fans of the process of comedy. | ||
| And they said that they were at the comedy store like a week before when I did a set there, and then they came to the shows in Austin because that's where they live. | ||
| But they travel around watching comedy, and they wanted to talk about the process of it. | ||
| It's really interesting because they'll get to see all these different sets. | ||
| They'll get to see sets where things don't go so great, sets where you switch it up. | ||
| You'll see that at the comedy store all the time. | ||
| There's people that go there like two or three nights a week. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's a rare art form where it one day will be seen by millions, right? | ||
| You put it on whatever you're on, Hulu or iTunes or whatever the fuck it is. | ||
| Netflix. | ||
| If you're on Netflix, you're going to be seen by millions of people. | ||
| Like, but... | ||
| 150 can watch you practice. | ||
| And the same ones can watch you practice every week. | ||
| And it's awesome, by the way. | ||
| It's awesome. | ||
| You mentioned watching George St. Pierre train before or him being coachable. | ||
| I got to watch GSP training with Henzo Gracie and John Donaher at Henzo's school in New York City. | ||
| This is when I just started podcasting. | ||
| This is like nine years ago. | ||
| I used to do a show called Hammerfisting. | ||
| To give people, that's like watching Herschel Walker play football or get coached, like be on the field with him if you were a fan of football. | ||
| You'd be like, whoa, I'm right here. | ||
| I'm talking about like, as far as you guys are for me, I'm watching them train, I'm watching both of them give him, like, it was really cool. | ||
| It was a really, really cool thing. | ||
| Wait, how do we even get there? | ||
| I'm sorry. | ||
| We're talking about him being coachable and him listening and you watched him train with John. | ||
| No, but how do we even get to the George St. Pierre show? | ||
| How'd I get back to there? | ||
| What we were talking about right before that. | ||
| I'm sorry. | ||
| That's marijuana has pros and cons and here is the cons. | ||
| Being able to watch it from the training process. | ||
| Oh, right. | ||
| So yeah, with comedy, it's like that. | ||
| Thank you, Jamie. | ||
| You don't get paid enough. | ||
| I don't know what you get paid, but it's not enough. | ||
| That process was an amazing thing to watch. | ||
| Now, if I went to it and I paid... | ||
| $600 for a front row seat and I was like, I'm watching a fight right now and I'm watching a George St. Pierre UFC champion fight. | ||
| I would be vastly disappointed with that experience. | ||
| I would go, this isn't what I'm paying for. | ||
| And I think when people come to comedy clubs, they think they're paying for the Big Fight Night. | ||
| The Big Fight Night's a special. | ||
| The Big Fight Night's the album you're recording, whatever it is. | ||
| Basically, everything leading up to that, to a certain degree. | ||
| I think if you're headlining on the road doing an hour, there's a certain responsibility. | ||
| They're paying a heavy price ticket for a real show. | ||
| But they should have at least a little bit of an understanding that they're watching the process. | ||
| And if they understood it, they would appreciate it more. | ||
| They would go, oh shit, even though I heard this guy do that joke before, I noticed the nuance and I noticed the difference. | ||
| Some people. | ||
| Some people only want to hear the new shit, but that's cool too. | ||
| Just sit around and wait. | ||
| Dice used to just fucking do the hits. | ||
| How cool would that be? | ||
| Yeah, they used to get angry if he didn't do the hits. | ||
| Gavigan still, I think, they start calling out Hot Pocket and he's like, he'll do it. | ||
| He has to. | ||
| I think he has to. | ||
| I think Bert Kreischer has to tell the machine story still, right? | ||
| 30 minute story! | ||
| It's half the hour! | ||
| Doesn't he still tell that story? | ||
| I think he still tells that story. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm sure. | |
| Well, people will be mad. | ||
| Bert is taking his shirt off in the original room at the Comedy Store as well. | ||
| He would save the shirt off for the main room, but now he's taken to the next level. | ||
| So he takes his shirt off immediately. | ||
| It's a Starbucks, takes his shirt off. | ||
| They're way too close to him, so they all get uncomfortable. | ||
| They're like, what are you doing? | ||
| I wish I was comfortable being fat. | ||
| Dougie, if I could be comfortable being fat, I would be so happy. | ||
| Because I was a fat kid growing up. | ||
| Then I got in really good shape in my mid to late 20s. | ||
| Got sort of eating right, exercising, got really into it. | ||
| And now every winter I get fat. | ||
| Every summer I get back in shape. | ||
| And I just yo-yo back and forth. | ||
| That's cold weather life. | ||
| Yeah, you're right. | ||
| It is. | ||
| Because I don't want to sweat. | ||
| You don't know, Joe. | ||
| You've never been a fat guy. | ||
| And I don't want to hear this horseshit. | ||
| Are you fat when you were in your teenage years? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I was never fat. | |
| Never fat. | ||
| Okay? | ||
| You don't know what it's like walking upstairs and having your... | ||
| You could feel your ass sweating. | ||
| You could feel your thighs sticking together. | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| It's just an uncomfortable life, knowing that if you're eating something in public, that there are other people that are health conscious looking at you and judging you. | ||
| And I know that because I've been on the other side. | ||
| Because now when I watch fat people on the subway eating potato chips, I'm like, even if I'm fat, I'm just like, ugh, put them away. | ||
| What are you doing? | ||
| Yeah, why are you killing yourself with that nonsense? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But they probably taste delicious. | ||
| Unbelievable. | ||
| In the moment, right? | ||
| Some barbecue. | ||
| What kind of... | ||
| What is that stuff? | ||
| When you get barbecue chips, what is that? | ||
| What is barbecue? | ||
| First of all, it does not taste like barbecue. | ||
| It has a taste, and that taste is barbecue potato chip taste. | ||
| It's not barbecue taste. | ||
| It's an orange dust, whatever the flavor is, yeah. | ||
| Grape flavor doesn't taste like grapes at all. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Not at all! | |
| But you know, if you have grape bubblegum... | ||
| But if someone gives you a basic grape bubblegum, you're like, oh, this is grape. | ||
| Like, bitch, that doesn't taste like a grape. | ||
| Yeah, not at all. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's so true. | |
| Yeah, it is true. | ||
| So true. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Orange soda, bitch, that is not orange. | ||
| Like, what is that? | ||
| This is not the taste of orange at all. | ||
| This doesn't taste like orange. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's weird. | ||
| Dude, food, it's so fucking bad, dude. | ||
| What is barbecue potato chips? | ||
| What the fuck is that taste? | ||
| Because that's a weird taste, right? | ||
| That does not taste like barbecue. | ||
| I tell you this much, it does not grow on the earth. | ||
| Whatever it is, it's some long words and some scientific-sounding shit that... | ||
| Methylalanine, myofiscapane. | ||
| Should not be putting into your body. | ||
| Oh, there's got to be some trans fats in them bitches, too. | ||
| Oh, come on, Joe. | ||
| It's 2019. You're allowed to say that, still. | ||
| You're allowed to say trans fats? | ||
| Still allowed to say trans fats. | ||
| Let's get in there, though. | ||
| You can say trans. | ||
| Trans is okay. | ||
| Don't deviate with new sounds with your face and mean the exact same thing, or people get furious. | ||
| Trans fats are okay. | ||
| Trans fats. | ||
| People get mad at you if you say it too much. | ||
| Like, do you just get off on saying trans? | ||
| Is that why you're saying trans fats? | ||
| I'm allowed to talk. | ||
| Also, trannies have great sense of humor. | ||
| If you've ever hung out, a lot of them, every trans person that I know, and I'm friends with two that I'm pretty close with, and I know a handful, and they have great sense of humor. | ||
| Gay people have great sense of humor. | ||
| Black people, Hispanic people, all the people, all these protected groups have great sense of humor. | ||
| If you go to a black room and do racist jokes, what would be deemed as racist jokes by young liberal white people, They love it, dude. | ||
| They fucking bounce off the walls. | ||
| They're having a blast. | ||
|
unidentified
|
If they're good jokes. | |
| Yes, but they're not typically getting offended. | ||
| They'll boo you offstage, but they're not going like, this person needs to lose their job. | ||
| I'm highly offended by these jokes. | ||
| I never see that. | ||
| I never see a black person or a Hispanic person being the one actually complaining about something. | ||
| It's always some fucking annoying white chick. | ||
| Some fucking barbecued chip fan. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What's in that stuff, dude? | ||
| What is barbecue chips? | ||
| What is that barbecue chip? | ||
| Barbecue flavor, like paprika, mesquite, smoke flavor, extract, garlic powder, and maldextrose, all that kind of extra stuff, too. | ||
| Oh, maldextrose. | ||
| That's a sugar, right? | ||
| Is that some kind of a sugar? | ||
| It is a weird acceptance, the barbecue chip flavor. | ||
| We accept that flavor. | ||
| It's great, but it does not taste like fucking barbecue. | ||
| I would never go with barbecue. | ||
| Barbecue chips? | ||
| Never. | ||
| I'll take them every time. | ||
| That's because barbecue is always sauce. | ||
| It's that thick sauce you gotta lick off. | ||
| I guess. | ||
| Yeah, there's no sauce on it. | ||
| My favorite for sure is sea salt and vinegar. | ||
| If you want some potato chips, I'll fuck up some sea salt and vinegar. | ||
| I like salt and pepper. | ||
| That's good, too. | ||
| It's not bad. | ||
| That's good, too. | ||
| I get the salt and vinegar almonds. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ooh. | |
| Those sound good. | ||
| Those are fucking delicious. | ||
| Yeah, why sea salt? | ||
| Why am I so pretentious? | ||
| I want my salt from the ocean. | ||
| Sea salt. | ||
| I don't know if I can taste the fucking difference. | ||
| Could you tell the difference with a regular salt? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'd like to know. | |
| I'd like to know if I can. | ||
| You have no idea. | ||
| I bet I can't. | ||
| I bet Himalayan salt tastes a little different. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| What do you think? | ||
| Probably, right? | ||
| Probably a little different. | ||
| You could probably taste the difference between all three of those if you did a blind taste test. | ||
| Probably easily, I bet. | ||
| I would beg to disagree. | ||
| Dude, if you want to cook a steak, especially a ribeye, and you don't have kosher salt, you don't know what the fuck you're doing. | ||
| You want that thick ass. | ||
| What makes it kosher salt? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Is it actually kosher? | ||
| The Jews use magic. | ||
| The Jews are praying over it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, shit. | |
| Oh, Jesus Christ, Lewis! | ||
| Weed. | ||
| It's weed, Joe. | ||
| I've killed at least four laptops on this. | ||
| That's one of the reasons why I switched to a Windows laptop. | ||
| I have a Lenovo, not just for the best keyboard, but also because the fucking things are waterproof. | ||
| Like, how does Apple not have waterproof computers? | ||
| You spill your coffee on your Apple computer, that shit is dead. | ||
| Also, the iPhone is not waterproof. | ||
| I've watched five friends go, yeah, it's waterproof, and just dunk it in water, and then it goes off. | ||
| Bobby Kelly did that. | ||
| That's so stupid. | ||
| My girlfriend did that. | ||
| We were in Jamaica. | ||
| She's like, it's waterproof. | ||
| And she starts taking these photos of the waves coming up to the phone, so it's like half in the water and half without. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, Jesus. | |
| And it's just... | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's it. | |
| It's water-resistant. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Water-resistant. | ||
| I mean, like, if it's raining, it's fine. | ||
| And make sure you have the one that's water-resistant. | ||
| Like, you might have an older model. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Like, I have an iPhone. | ||
| Throw it to the ocean. | ||
| But the fucking laptops, they short out. | ||
| I've shorted out how many, Jamie? | ||
| How many have I killed? | ||
| Five, six? | ||
| Easily. | ||
| One every six months. | ||
| At least killed four laptops. | ||
| One time on Legion of Skanks, I was drinking red wine. | ||
| Luis J. Gomez. | ||
| Luis J. Gomez. | ||
| Very prestigious Luis J. Gomez. | ||
| Drinking a glass of red wine. | ||
| And I knocked it over at Big J. Big J had just bought a brand new pair of sneakers. | ||
| Like $150 sneakers. | ||
| Jay's deep down inside. | ||
| He's trash. | ||
| So he needs expensive things to make himself feel good. | ||
| But these were beautiful white sneakers. | ||
| Just got them. | ||
| And the wine, it literally, the entire glass fell into the laptop. | ||
| I mean, literally all the liquid disappeared into the laptop. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And one splash just went splat right on the front of his shoe. | ||
| Right on the front. | ||
| Red wine, that's it. | ||
| And he couldn't be mad because my $1,600 laptop had just been destroyed. | ||
| So he couldn't be like, oh, my $150 shoes. | ||
| Why aren't laptops all fucking waterproof? | ||
| That's what I'm saying. | ||
| Fix that, stupid. | ||
| Do they just want to make a lot of money in repairs? | ||
| Is that what that is? | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| Planned obsolescence. | ||
| They know people are going to be dumb eventually. | ||
| Why doesn't Apple listen? | ||
| Listen, folks. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Steve Jobs is dead. | |
| You've got to make better keyboards. | ||
| Your keyboards are dog shit. | ||
| Also, the volume on the MacBook Air is garbage. | ||
| What do you say, Jamie? | ||
| I just saw someone tweet about that today. | ||
| There's an article someone wrote. | ||
| From their stance, they don't buy that. | ||
| It's a big problem, the keyboard issue. | ||
| Oh, but their keyboard issue, that's a breaking keyboard. | ||
| The keyboards suck, even if they work perfectly. | ||
| They suck for writing. | ||
| There's no travel. | ||
| It's a very short travel, and they're flat. | ||
| It doesn't feel good for your hands. | ||
| I think it's It's stupid. | ||
| You shouldn't have to get used to it. | ||
| Like a Lenovo keyboard is so much better. | ||
| You know what it is, though? | ||
| I think their whole thing was... | ||
| Apple's terrible butterfly keyboard, a personal journey. | ||
| The feel of it, right? | ||
| So it feels very smooth when you touch it. | ||
| When you take an Apple out of the box, it feels... | ||
| I'll tell you what it is. | ||
| It's the way it looks. | ||
| They like the fact that it looks really thin and really sleek so they made these keys as shallow as possible So they just click click click click so everything's real small and it looks sleek as fuck That's what it is. | ||
| It's not for function if they had a function There'd be like a little dip to the center of the key So your fingers would fit in it normally and there would be some travel because when you have some travel with your keys Then your fingers get a better sense of what you're doing and you're more precise You need your hands moving around more you need better precision It's more precise whether or not you're touching something. | ||
| You get better feedback, so you can type better. | ||
| They show it in words per minute. | ||
| They show people who are really good typists how many words per minute they can do with a really good keyboard versus a flat, shallow keyboard. | ||
| Even experienced, high-level typists are way better with something that has some travel to it. | ||
| If I try to type on a regular keyboard right now, it would feel like it's an alien thing because I'm so used to it now. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, I guess you can get used to it. | ||
| But I don't even mean like a regular keyboard. | ||
| Like a laptop keyboard doesn't have to be like some crazy... | ||
| But just have enough extra travel. | ||
| There's like a number they think it is. | ||
| Like 1.5 millimeters or something like that. | ||
| And they would like anything between 1.5 and 2 millimeters is good. | ||
| You get that travel and you get a feeling of it. | ||
| And it's a lot of feedback. | ||
| Anything shorter than that is bad. | ||
| So you're saying it's actually a better writing experience? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| It's easier. | ||
| It's easier to write. | ||
| Like, your fingers find the keys better. | ||
| I'm not a good typer, but I'm half decent. | ||
| I don't look at the keys. | ||
| 1967. I've been doing those... | ||
| I did those Mavis Bacon teaches typing. | ||
| I did all those little courses where it's like a game that you play. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| You ever seen it? | ||
| No. | ||
| Oh, it's really cool. | ||
| Like, they make it like a little game. | ||
| Like, things will go across the screen, and you have to type it with your finger, and it shows you, like, a map of where your hands are in relationship to the keys, and it shows you, like, where you should move your fingers, and then there's something that will pop up, and you're like, oh, that's an L. Here's an L. And you'll start doing this, and as you're doing this, you get better and better, and then they ask you to start forming sentences, and after a while, you get, like, a really good sense of where the keys are. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I almost felt like that game Guitar Hero, they should have made it with like a real guitar because I feel like they can teach people guitar. | ||
| If they made it a game where they just started, you just sort of like have to hit those beats and then your finger starts getting used to it. | ||
| Are you sure it was Jamie? | ||
| I was in typing class in the sixth grade. | ||
| This is a new thing I just discovered. | ||
| It's called tap, like these little sensors you put on your fingers and you tap little gestures and it types for you so you don't need a keyboard anymore. | ||
| What in the holy fuck? | ||
| I don't know if it would be useful. | ||
| I don't know if you'd like it. | ||
| I don't know if you could get used to it and it'd actually be better. | ||
| It's going to suck right now. | ||
| Show me in five minutes. | ||
| It's going to be goddamn garbage right now. | ||
| The technology sucks. | ||
| This is a Tom Cruise movie. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| This guy moving this stuff around with his fingers. | ||
| This is insane. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck! | |
| It could be cool. | ||
| I mean, you want tactile feedback, I'm sure, but they could add a little bit of a vibration maybe, and that could be enough. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Look, it's entirely possible that these typers, if you left them alone with one of those shallow keyboards, eventually they could get used to it, and they would put their numbers of words per minute just back up to where it was before. | ||
| But for me, it's just an easier experience. | ||
| I don't use any of the new technology like Alexa or those things. | ||
| That bitch is listening, always. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| Oh, it's crazy. | ||
| It's over. | ||
| I've sort of just given up. | ||
| Like, all right, guys, you have an online profile. | ||
| Everything I type in is online. | ||
| Everything we say, it's being picked up. | ||
| Stores are eventually going to have just Alexa and their own versions of whatever that is where you just say it into the air and it's all listening and it's all going into a database and, you know, Eventually, I think what they're going to do is they're going to have the technology to go through podcasts and find the no-no words. | ||
| They'll have an algorithm to go back and start listening to what you're not supposed to say. | ||
| Start kicking old content off the internet. | ||
| That's very close down the way. | ||
| Guaranteed. | ||
| I'm sure. | ||
| Yeah, we're in the middle of a hurricane of new technology. | ||
| I mean, it's going to be really, really interesting to see what these... | ||
| I mean, the guy's wearing virtual reality goggles, typing on his arm. | ||
| What? | ||
| Moving things around in some virtual desktop. | ||
| That's like straight out of a futuristic film, right? | ||
| I'm interested to see where it's going to go. | ||
| That's Minority Report, right? | ||
| I mean, Minority Report, they didn't have glasses. | ||
| They just did it on the screen. | ||
| And we were like, that is insane. | ||
| That is insane. | ||
| But that's like, you know, Windows 13 or something. | ||
| Yeah, it's actually not impressive. | ||
| You watch Minority Report now, you're like, okay, it's a fucking touchscreen. | ||
| Yeah, you needed all those psychics. | ||
| Yeah, if you have psychics that can predict crimes. | ||
| What in the fuck kind of weird body slavery was that? | ||
| Psychics strapped into a tub all day? | ||
| Like, what was that? | ||
| Is that what they want? | ||
| How do they not see this coming? | ||
| That they're going to get roped into being... | ||
| Covered in milk and left in that pool. | ||
| What the fuck was that? | ||
| That was a weird fucking movie. | ||
| That's a weird fucking movie, right? | ||
| They needed those people to figure out crime, right? | ||
| Isn't that how they did it? | ||
| That was the idea. | ||
| But you didn't have free will anymore. | ||
| So it was the idea that those people are like... | ||
| I forget. | ||
| Were they special? | ||
| Like X-Men type people? | ||
| Precogs. | ||
| They had pre-cognition ability. | ||
| Yeah, they had magic powers. | ||
| But I guess the thing would be like, well, why wouldn't you go to this guy and say, don't commit the crime? | ||
| And then the date passes, he doesn't commit the crime, and you... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Say, hey man, I know you're gonna go rob this bank and it's really gonna fuck up your life and everybody else's life, so don't go robbing the bank. | ||
| You're gonna have to get in a shootout with the cops. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There you go. | ||
| I was trying to find this little quick little video. | ||
| Have you seen this? | ||
| Ah, come on. | ||
| What the fuck is barbecue potato flavor? | ||
| Seriously. | ||
| This new Amazon store. | ||
| I don't know if these are fully out yet, but this is the way it's going to work. | ||
| Like, this guy walks in, he scans his phone on, like, basically like a turnstile, like you're walking into a subway. | ||
| That sort of lets the store know you're there, and you don't pay for anything. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, you walk out and scan? | |
| You just grab what you want and walk out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Boom. | |
| It sort of knows what you grabbed. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow, what? | |
| And charges you off of your account, and... | ||
| This is what's going to happen. | ||
| For everyone that wants a minimum wage raise, this is coming, guys. | ||
| Nobody's going to be working in these places. | ||
| This is weird. | ||
| They're going to eliminate shoplifting. | ||
| This is a weird-looking... | ||
| Everything in plastic like that freaks me out. | ||
| I feel like we're in a movie. | ||
| There's a couple grocery stores like that here already. | ||
| I don't know if you've seen that. | ||
| Well, at the airport, you don't even deal with people anymore. | ||
| You just go up, and you pick it up, and you scan it out yourself. | ||
| Well... | ||
| Andrew Yang, who's running for president on this universal basic income idea, one of the things he's doing this for is to educate people the fact that all these jobs are going away. | ||
| Automation is going to take over many, many millions of jobs in this country, and we have to be prepared for all these people essentially being... | ||
| You know, technologies remove them from the workforce. | ||
| They're not needed anymore. | ||
| So then they have to figure out, you know, what do I do next? | ||
| And then universal basic income, he thinks, would be the bridge. | ||
| What is universal basic income? | ||
| The idea is you get a certain amount of money for free. | ||
| To live. | ||
| Yeah, and I don't know how it works. | ||
| I'm not an economist. | ||
| I'm a moron. | ||
| I'm not smart. | ||
| I don't understand the numbers. | ||
| I don't get if he's right or if he's wrong. | ||
| I'm not the guy. | ||
| And I don't have the time. | ||
| I'm not going to invest in it. | ||
| But it's a debate. | ||
| And the debate is, if this is coming, what do you do about it? | ||
| It's not whether or not it's coming. | ||
| It's pretty likely that it's coming. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| It's pretty likely that all these people are going to be out of work. | ||
| Automation is going to take over for driving. | ||
| It's going to take over a lot of factory jobs. | ||
| Taco Bell right now, you do not order from a human being. | ||
| You type it into a kiosk. | ||
| They send it over. | ||
| And to be honest with you, it's a better experience. | ||
| It's better. | ||
| It's cheaper and better. | ||
| So at what point do you go like, I'm not like, look, that's fine. | ||
| I understand there's some kid who lost his Taco Bell job. | ||
| But if it's a better way and it's a better experience for the customer who's spending money... | ||
| Yeah, I get it, man. | ||
| The thing is, it's happening so fast, people aren't going to be prepared for it. | ||
| They're going to think that a certain amount of jobs are going to be available, and then a vast number of those are not going to be around anymore. | ||
| So his idea is the way you bridge the gap is you give people something that meets their needs, like your need for food and shelter. | ||
| Just give them enough so that everything else they make, they get to keep. | ||
| It's theirs. | ||
| And let them give them like a boost. | ||
| And the idea is that... | ||
| Doing this would save money long-term in a bunch of different ways. | ||
| It's a lot of it's theoretical. | ||
| Do I pay less in taxes with this? | ||
| That's the question. | ||
| If that's the case, then I'm all for it. | ||
| Is it always that, though? | ||
| Here's the thing. | ||
| We never know. | ||
| We don't get an audit of where our taxes go, right? | ||
| I have no idea. | ||
| I have no idea where the fuck it goes, right? | ||
| Well, it's distributed throughout. | ||
| But if it went and you knew that it made an impact, it really did make a difference. | ||
| And you knew that the people that are taking your time, there's no waste, and they're really trying to make the world a better place. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| But they just like a little bit of your money. | ||
| You'd be like, oh, okay, you're trying to make the world a better place. | ||
| Like, clearly, these people are making the world a better place. | ||
| If you knew that for sure and you felt that for sure, you're like, I like the attitude behind this. | ||
| It's very community-oriented. | ||
| We're going to fix the United States. | ||
| Here, take some of my money. | ||
| That'd be great. | ||
| But it's not that. | ||
| that but then try to go get your license renewed uh over the phone and see the amount of people you have to talk to the amount of times you get hung up on the amount of times you have to call back and you realize there's all of these wasted jobs all these people that don't need to be there and it's to be honest with you everyone is sort of protecting that there's like an entire industry of people that work 45 minutes per day and they like it that way they don't want to have any type of real passion this is what they do um so yeah everyone sort of this i watch it in the entertainment industry | ||
| all the time like we we create these shows and we do these things and you know you guys have a very popular show um if this was a studio run show if this was run by abc joe rogan experience change nothing if they what what You know what they would do? | ||
| There'd be literally 20 people behind cameras right now, clipboards, there'd be people on walkie-talkies, there'd be headsets. | ||
| All of these jobs that don't need to be there, guaranteed. | ||
| Have you ever gone to one of the... | ||
| There's a lot of studios in LA where it's like just sort of corporate-run podcast studios. | ||
| Oh, yeah, man. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| And there's 10 people behind the camera. | ||
| You're like, what are you doing? | ||
| I did Bill Simmons' HBO show. | ||
| Really nice guy. | ||
| You know he has that big podcast? | ||
| I don't know it, no. | ||
| You know him, right, Jamie? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We basically did a podcast with cameras, but there was like 30 people there. | ||
| All these people that are doing this and that, and every other studio job. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And who's stepping up? | ||
| Nobody's stepping up going, hey guys, I'm not really needed here. | ||
| Just so you know, I'm going to dip out. | ||
| No way, man. | ||
| There's union gigs too, by the way. | ||
| Like if you want to have lighting and you want to have cameras, you have to use these guys. | ||
| And this is how, I mean, even if you don't need them. | ||
| You would have to use it. | ||
| It's interesting. | ||
| On one hand, for the longest time, I think people didn't have as many opportunities. | ||
| If you wanted to do something, no matter what it would be, whether it's a television show or you wanted to be a host of a talk show or whatever the fuck it was... | ||
| There's not that many paths. | ||
| There's only a couple of avenues. | ||
| There's only a few channels. | ||
| There's only a few slots ever for all those shows. | ||
| But now it's not the case anymore, man. | ||
| It's just not the case. | ||
| There's a fucking million different channels. | ||
| And if you get roped into that old mentality, there's still a few of those old vampires that are clinging to that old system. | ||
| And they would rather you come do it on television. | ||
| They'll chop it up every 15 minutes and put a big fat commercial. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| If you've done like a... | ||
| Because I was on SiriusXM for a while doing a show, and it's just like... | ||
| Did they fire you? | ||
| They fired DePaulo. | ||
| They said, you're out of here! | ||
| Yeah, they did. | ||
| He tweeted some crazy shit, though. | ||
| Dude, if you've got a corporate job, you can't tweet crazy shit. | ||
| He's Nick DePaulo! | ||
|
unidentified
|
I love Nick. | |
| That's what you get! | ||
| That's what you hired! | ||
| No, I quit. | ||
| It was me and Bisping, and Bisping kept on just not showing up. | ||
| He was done with it, basically. | ||
| And they tried to match me up with some football player, and I was like, fuck it, me and Bisping are just going to start a podcast. | ||
| And now we're doing literally 50 times as good. | ||
| Of course! | ||
| I mean, it's not even close, but they have all these people. | ||
| There's three producers in the studio. | ||
| It's just all of the... | ||
| spirit and the fun part and the entertaining part of it is sort of sucked out of it you have very specific segments and it's regimented and your producers have to know exactly where you're going with the next thing and you're like we're not going to get anywhere cool or interesting if we're this regimented yeah if we're if you're not letting allowing us to sort of play you're not going to really and this is why i think you know radio is is getting destroyed by By podcasts right now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Every... | |
| You see SiriusXM now, they're going, shit, we've got to start a podcast network. | ||
| They're starting their own podcasts now. | ||
| Oh, you know what they did? | ||
| They bought Pandora. | ||
| Did they? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think so. | ||
| Is that true? | ||
| I believe it's a partnership. | ||
| Yeah, I think I heard something like that as well. | ||
| Purchase or something like that. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| Yeah, and... | ||
| Spotify's with Hulu now. | ||
| I just got an email about that. | ||
| You get a free Hulu subscription with your Spotify. | ||
| It's all crazy. | ||
| They don't know what to do now. | ||
| Now they're like, podcasting, that's a thing. | ||
| So they're just throwing so much money at all of these companies. | ||
| They're buying companies for like hundreds of millions of dollars. | ||
| $230 million, they just bought one. | ||
| Another company, $130 million. | ||
| it feels like one of those early day tech boom things yeah everybody's just like going crazy and spending all this money he's like whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa okay What are you doing? | ||
| Why spend that much money? | ||
| How could you possibly... | ||
| By the way, the company they bought is just an idea. | ||
| I mean, what is it really? | ||
| It's like, we have this idea for this app. | ||
| And me and my partner, we have our own podcast network called Guest Digital. | ||
| And we've been practicing what they're doing. | ||
| We have premium content that we have on the app and on the website. | ||
| Do you guys have what people have to pay for some of your shit? | ||
| All of the podcasts are free. | ||
| The latest 15 are free on YouTube and iTunes. | ||
| And then the on-demand library is a premium with ad-free is a premium. | ||
| So we insert the ads after the fact. | ||
| Uncensored, they get like a three or four day pre-release on the episodes. | ||
| So there's all these benefits for becoming a premium member. | ||
| And a certain percentage of people subscribe to the network for the premium stuff, which is great. | ||
| But we've been putting this into practice for years now. | ||
| And now we're watching these companies get whatever, $230 million. | ||
| We're like, huh. | ||
| Yeah, but you guys are disgusting. | ||
| No, we can't. | ||
| It's over. | ||
| No one's going to pay for that. | ||
| They're going to be connected with you. | ||
| You guys get too crazy. | ||
| You're 100% right. | ||
| But that's the beautiful thing. | ||
| It's like you don't really need that. | ||
| No, I don't want it. | ||
| If somebody put $230 million into my company right now, we would have bosses. | ||
| We would be told we can't say that. | ||
| Are you crazy? | ||
| Did you guys just have a Bill Cosby rape victim beauty pageant on Legion of Skanks? | ||
| Did that actually just happen? | ||
| Which it did. | ||
| That was a great episode, guys. | ||
| Go check it out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I mean, it gets fucking ridiculous. | |
| But the point is that these companies, they're showing that they're understanding that there's something going on with the podcasting world. | ||
| They're just throwing a lot of money at it. | ||
| I mean, look, if they're buying really good companies and they're making really good podcasts, I'm happy. | ||
| I love podcasts. | ||
| I like listening to them. | ||
| I hope they do well. | ||
| But it's just shocking. | ||
| And obviously I'm not a business person, so maybe there's some sort of a plan to it. | ||
| You're very much a business person, Joe. | ||
| I'm not, though. | ||
| Maybe there's some sort of a grand plan. | ||
| Maybe there's some sort of a podcast battle going on between Apple and Spotify and streaming services. | ||
| Well, people are doing premium shit, too, where they're buying out podcasts and they're only putting it on where you have to be a subscriber for Spotify or whatever else it is. | ||
| Which is strange because podcasts grow by sharing. | ||
| You have to be able to share them. | ||
| People have to be able to download it for free, they fall in love with the content, and then that's that. | ||
| They'll come buy a ticket, they'll buy a t-shirt, whatever it is. | ||
| So I think it's a little bit counterintuitive. | ||
| I don't think it's a good idea to hide podcasts behind a paywall. | ||
| I wonder what they're going to try to do. | ||
| See, Spotify doesn't have to hide anything behind a paywall, but there are some companies that are trying to do something behind a paywall, and they're paying for a bunch of different podcasts, and they're going to launch it like a network. | ||
| Yeah, I mean – I mean, Kumia does that a little bit with Compound Media. | ||
| We were on his network for a while. | ||
| We were the first show booked to his network. | ||
| And I think it's a mistake. | ||
| And I love Anthony. | ||
| And I told him this. | ||
| I offered to go work with Anthony when he first started the network. | ||
| I think that he should do what we do. | ||
| If Anthony put out his shows free, he would be constantly discovered by new people. | ||
| And then it's figuring out how to get a higher percentage of people to subscribe to your premium content. | ||
| And you will continue to grow that number. | ||
| And it's just literally every time we do a podcast, there's X amount of new listeners that are discovering it for the first time. | ||
| So you have sort of another opportunity. | ||
| If people aren't discovering your podcast, it's an issue. | ||
| But I think they did start doing some free episodes on Compound. | ||
| Yeah, they put free ones up occasionally. | ||
| Look, he's a really brilliant guy. | ||
| He's a fun dude, too. | ||
| He's one of the funniest. | ||
| He's fucking crazy. | ||
| One of the funniest people, period. | ||
| I love broadcasting with Anthony. | ||
| He's a legend. | ||
| It's a legend. | ||
| I mean, you know, I didn't even grow up on Opie and Anthony. | ||
| I never listened to Opie and Anthony once in my entire life until after I knew Anthony. | ||
| And I started listening back to old shit with Patrice and Norton's great. | ||
| I'm friends with Norton. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Dude, when they were all on together, those are some of the best episodes ever. | ||
| You know, Patrice, Norton, and Anthony just going crazy about things. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| Great show, man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Opie and Anthony taught me how to do a podcast in a lot of ways. | ||
| I've heard you say that. | ||
| Because it was like a hang. | ||
| I was like, oh, it doesn't have to be that structured where someone's got like a list of questions and they're rattling it off. | ||
| Like, that's not fun. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Like, a hang is fun. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Even when it goes bad, it's funny. | ||
| That's what Opie and Anthony figured out, which was great. | ||
| It's like when it's bad, it's even better. | ||
| Because when somebody bombs or a joke doesn't go well, then the entire room just smashes them. | ||
| I don't know if you've ever told a joke that didn't go well in a room of people. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's awful. | |
| And then have the best comics in the world start trashing you live on air while millions of people are listening around the country. | ||
| Oh my God, dude. | ||
| It's so good. | ||
| It also enforced the camaraderie between comedians in that kind of a form. | ||
| We'd all get together and you'd meet a bunch of different comics at the show, too. | ||
| You'd meet guys from others. | ||
| You might be sitting in with some comic from Philly. | ||
| You'd get to know people that way. | ||
| They did that for sure. | ||
| It enforced it a little bit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, once again, you know, you're sort of having three or four people that are really smart, that are good at radio, good at broadcasting as well, be able to react in real time. | ||
| You're going to get these things you couldn't get anywhere else. | ||
| You know, it's such a... | ||
| Yeah, and those guys were some of the best at it. | ||
| The whole way it went down at the end of it kind of sucked. | ||
| Well, really, it's not just the birth of podcasting because of that. | ||
| For a couple reasons, Opie and Anthony, in my opinion, are the birth of podcasting. | ||
| One of them was Anthony built his own studio in his basement where he would do karaoke holding a machine gun. | ||
| He's fucking crazy. | ||
| Do you know his logo was, it looked like a swastika from afar? | ||
| No. | ||
| I swear to God, he's a psycho. | ||
| Like, Anthony, stop leaning in to the white supremacist stuff. | ||
| I'm trying to be friends with you! | ||
| Does he think he's doing it for hee-hees and ha-ha's? | ||
| He thinks it's funny. | ||
| He thinks it's funny. | ||
| But he's also a 60-year-old Italian guy from Long Island. | ||
| What does it look like? | ||
| What is happening? | ||
| Hardest vibrate I've felt in a long time. | ||
| This thing is ridiculous. | ||
| If you talk to most 60-year-old Italian men in Long Island, they're going to have some fairly controversial views on race and politics in the country. | ||
| And, you know, I think when he left SiriusXM, he leaned a little bit too much into the political side. | ||
| And he sort of got, you know, now he's pegged as like a right-wing guy. | ||
| But I'm a fucking Puerto Rican kid who was raised... | ||
| Well, I think he's definitely right-wing. | ||
| Oh, he is right-wing. | ||
| But I'm just saying, I don't think that... | ||
| I don't... | ||
| That's not what I look at. | ||
| When I broadcast with Anthony, I don't talk about politics. | ||
| Right. | ||
| We just talk about whatever. | ||
| We talk about fucking stupid shit. | ||
| Barbecue potato chips. | ||
| Well, he'll talk to you about anything, but he'll talk about politics too. | ||
| He's not a dumb guy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, not at all. | |
| He's a very smart guy. | ||
| He's just crazy. | ||
| He's fun. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Look, it's not perfect. | ||
| No one is. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I just also, I don't look at people that, number one, I don't give a fuck about what anybody's political views are. | ||
| I would never hang out with somebody or not hang out with them based off of what their political views are. | ||
| If that is their entire identity, then it becomes an issue. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because then you're probably an issue to them, right? | ||
| Well, so many people are to so many people unnecessarily. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So much, there's so much unnecessary conflict. | ||
| You know, I mean, some of it's good, but some of it's just not. | ||
| You can be friends with people you don't agree. | ||
| Me and Nick DiPaolo disagree with like 75% of shit. | ||
| I love the guy. | ||
| I always love hanging out with him. | ||
| I've known him forever. | ||
| Never do I say, God, it's Nick again. | ||
| I love it when he gets mad about shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Damn, you don't know what fucking Obama did. | |
| It's great. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He loves it. | |
| He gets so political. | ||
| He's on that Cameo website, and you can just pay him to trash your liberal friends. | ||
| Oh, that's funny, man. | ||
| It's so fucking funny. | ||
| He'll just like, what are you, like fucking Hillary, you fucking faggot? | ||
| In his kitchen. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's fucking great life beater on yeah, but look Patrice, you know I remember I I watch my son my son's mother was in labor for 30 hours fucking crazy long labor Overnight over the next morning. | ||
| She's like lying down He's like in the little fucking other room or whatever and I'm watching like a fan-made Patrice O'Neill documentary and he's just saying like the most heinous shit about how women aren't shit and about how fucking Bitch, you know, she needs you. | ||
| And I just watched my son's mother push my son out of her for 30 hours. | ||
| It was fucking... | ||
| I mean, the whole experience was so mind-blowing. | ||
| And in my mind, I'm going, I could never in a million years do what she just did. | ||
| I had this whole other appreciation for what a woman is. | ||
| It's like a... | ||
| It blows your mind when you got kids. | ||
| And then Patrice is fucking up there just... | ||
| This big fat black guy saying horse shit because he's fucking... | ||
| But it's the funniest shit on the planet. | ||
| The absolute funniest shit on the planet. | ||
| And you can laugh at it. | ||
| You don't have to get mad at it. | ||
| I don't agree with half the shit. | ||
| Most of the shit that he says. | ||
| All that fucking... | ||
| Look, dude. | ||
| I'm an idiot. | ||
| I don't go after women that are below me. | ||
| I like to go after women that are above me and that sort of elevate me and make me want to be better. | ||
| I think that's a little check and balance system I have for myself. | ||
| But you don't have to be so connected to whatever the message is. | ||
| You can literally take it for face value, which is just really funny. | ||
| Undeniably funny. | ||
| Yeah, he was a monster. | ||
| And he also had points. | ||
| Really good psychological insight. | ||
| He knew what made people tick. | ||
| He knew what made people say stupid shit. | ||
| He knew what made people stumble. | ||
| He was a master at understanding how to get off controversial ideas. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But his contribution for a lot of us was he had an extra level of I don't give a fuck. | ||
| You know, like you would see it on roasts. | ||
| He'd roast and he was like, I don't even know why I'm up here with you people. | ||
| You're not even on my level. | ||
| Yeah, it was Charlie Sheen. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Charlie Sheen roasts again. | ||
| He just went off script. | ||
| He threw the paper. | ||
| Brilliant. | ||
| He murdered. | ||
| He's a killer, man. | ||
| And he only did that one because I guess he agreed because he said that was the only guy that he was interested in roasting. | ||
| He was like, I'm not doing it for the paycheck. | ||
| Charlie Sheen's a fucking G. Yeah. | ||
| Well, it's just that he just had this don't give a fuck style. | ||
| And we all, I think, speaking for myself, I appreciate I don't give a fuck style more than any other style of comedy. | ||
| For me, my favorite shit was like First of all, Joey Diaz. | ||
| But then when you go back to the greats, like Kinison and Hicks, those guys didn't give a fuck. | ||
| They went off, and it was the most fun to watch. | ||
| As a person who was an audience member, for me, it was the most fun to watch. | ||
| I agree. | ||
| And I think... | ||
| You know, that's the shit that I grew up on. | ||
| We grew up on that, and then society changes, and I'm like, no dude, I've been working on this for so long. | ||
| Please let me, I have to change my entire foundation of what I think is funny now. | ||
| And that's why I think guys like Legion of Skanks and the special- When did you guys name it Legion of Skanks? | ||
| Me and Big J, okay. | ||
| So, Big J would constantly cheat on his wife. | ||
| And it was like a regular occurrence and she knew it and everyone knew it. | ||
| And one time we were there and we were hanging out and we were about to leave there in an argument and she's like, fuck you! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Why don't you go hang out with your legion of skanks? | |
| And me and Big J, we were both playing Guitar Hero at the time. | ||
| That was like a big game at the time and we both looked at each other. | ||
| We were like, Guitar Hero name. | ||
| And that was what we named our band initially in Guitar Hero was Legion of Skanks. | ||
| And then we're not that creative so we wrote a script. | ||
| How long ago was this? | ||
| Probably ten years ago. | ||
| Ten years ago. | ||
| Ten years ago, the name. | ||
| And then that was the Guitar Hero Band. | ||
| Maybe even more. | ||
| Probably more. | ||
| Yeah, actually way more. | ||
| Because it was right when me and Big J became friends. | ||
| It's a great name. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Legion of Skanks is a great name. | ||
| It's probably one of the all-time greatest names of anything. | ||
| Right? | ||
| You stop and think about bands or television. | ||
| Legion of Skanks. | ||
| That is a great name. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Thank you. | |
| Thank you, Joe. | ||
| That's a great name. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, I've got to give it to Big J because he recognized it immediately and then every project we ever did since then has been named Legion of Skanks until the podcast worked. | ||
| It's a good move. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's a good move. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| People know what they're getting. | ||
| They get it, dude. | ||
| They get it. | ||
| And to be honest with you, people want that type of humor. | ||
| That's the other thing. | ||
| It's the new alternative. | ||
| It's dirty, edgier, ballsy shit. | ||
| Well, it's what we were talking about earlier. | ||
| Look, if you like punk rock, you should be able to listen to punk rock. | ||
| But if you like the kind of comedy that some people like, aggressive, outlandish comedy, if that's what you like, then you should be able to enjoy it. | ||
| Or not. | ||
| It's up to you. | ||
| It's like, you don't have to like it, you don't have to listen, you don't have to watch. | ||
| It's not that it makes you immune from criticism if people don't like it, but, you know... | ||
| Everybody's got different tastes. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| And to be honest with you, if I wanted to sit here and deconstruct everything that could trigger me in life, I'm just not a bitch. | ||
| I don't sit here and... | ||
| I'm triggered every moment by... | ||
| The amount of shit that I've seen in my fucking life, everything triggers me. | ||
| Everything triggers me. | ||
| And every movie that I watch, if there's some fucked up scene, I can go, oh, that reminds me of some fucked up shit. | ||
| But you have to appreciate those things. | ||
| Don't you sort of want... | ||
| Sort of everything to be represented. | ||
| And even with comedy, when you look at things like rape jokes is like a big no-no topic, right? | ||
| You can't do rape jokes anymore. | ||
| And I understand if there's a woman... | ||
| But you know Metzger's bit, right? | ||
| Which one? | ||
| Well, I can't say it. | ||
| Shit. | ||
| I'm sure he is. | ||
| I'll tell you about it afterwards. | ||
| That's actually the first time I met you, by the way. | ||
| I was opening for Kurt Metzger in Montreal like years ago. | ||
| You don't remember it at all. | ||
| Oh, Many Moons at that little place. | ||
| The comedy works. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Jimbo's joint. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| It's a great little spot, man. | ||
| But yeah, yes, rape jokes will work up. | ||
| I close my special with a 10-minute rape joke. | ||
| How dare you? | ||
| How dare you try to pass that off to America? | ||
| But I can't do the bit, but the bit's excellent. | ||
| Remind me and I'll tell you it off because it's one of those premises, like once you say the premise. | ||
| Yeah, so it has to be a very high level, but the woman in the crowd who was raped a month ago and was like, I'm going to go out, I'm going to go to a comedy club to feel better. | ||
| She's not wrong if she's triggered, but she becomes wrong when she tries to Take away the experience from other people. | ||
| You have to walk away, and you have every right, and I feel bad. | ||
| I've had girls come up to me after shows and be like, hey, just so you know, that really bothers me. | ||
| This is why, right? | ||
| And it's some rape joke or whatever it is, right? | ||
| How many rape jokes you got? | ||
| At least 70% of my act. | ||
| Really? | ||
| No. | ||
| I'd say, no, I do close my act with a 10-minute rape joke. | ||
| Yeah, you just said that, but I mean, how many rape jokes, like, overall do you have? | ||
| How many times did I say the rape? | ||
| No, bits. | ||
| I mean, really, just that one rape. | ||
| It's a long bit, though. | ||
| So it's a lot of jokes within it. | ||
| And I'm being raped in the joke most of the time. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| So that's, you know, I think that's why it's a guy being raped. | ||
| It helps. | ||
| I don't want to ruin the bit either, but I think you have to... | ||
| I respect the fact that people can be triggered, but it's a very strange thing to me because, for me, I'm always trying to find something really funny from this dark shit, right? | ||
| Whether it's a personal experience or whatever it is. | ||
| And the way we're looking at it as comics is we're trying to find something really positive out of something really shitty. | ||
| And then you have a movie which is just... | ||
| Maybe it's a fucked up scene. | ||
| There's nothing... | ||
| I mean, look, it's a positive piece of content. | ||
| Right, but they can't tag it to one person talking. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, it's a scene. | ||
| You're watching people act out a scene. | ||
| You're right. | ||
| There's something very personal about one person talking. | ||
| That's why this is... | ||
| I mean, it's not... | ||
| This is how some people would look at it. | ||
| Like, you should talk about things that you really care about while you're doing that. | ||
| Because you only have a certain amount of time to do it. | ||
| You know? | ||
| And sometimes... | ||
| Sometimes you have a bit that's just not worth it. | ||
| The way people react to it, even though you have a point, even working this bit out, people are getting so upset. | ||
| It's almost not worth it. | ||
| No, it has to be a net positive. | ||
| The crowd has to be laughing. | ||
| So there's no... | ||
| I will defend somebody's right to tell a shitty joke, you know what I'm saying? | ||
| But, at the same time, I understand, as a performer, you have to gauge the audience and put your finger in the air and go, okay, which way is the wind blowing right now? | ||
| The reality is you can't say things you used to say. | ||
| You can't say faggot on stage anymore in a crowd in New York or L.A. You can't say that word. | ||
| The crowd will tighten up and shut down. | ||
| You'll ruin the rest of whatever that joke is. | ||
| You obviously haven't seen Diaz recently. | ||
| Does he say faggot a lot? | ||
| He'll say whatever he wants. | ||
| He'll say whatever he wants, if he's got a point. | ||
| I have a joke about my dog, and I used to say my faggot dog, because he's licking another male dog's asshole in the joke. | ||
| And people would shut down at that word. | ||
| And it's really, to be honest with you, New York and LA, that's where the biggest faggots live. | ||
| The rest of the country is cool. | ||
| If you go anywhere else, they don't really give a shit about words like that. | ||
| But in New York and LA, it's become a particularly hard thing to, you know, there's certain words and certain things. | ||
| It's not even the content necessarily. | ||
| It's just those words that sort of set people's censors off. | ||
| Well, there's always going to be a bunch of words like that. | ||
| What's really interesting is what does happen when you stop people from saying it. | ||
| Because it's kind of counterintuitive. | ||
| Because those words become these forbidden words, these dangerous words. | ||
| They have so much more power. | ||
| And I just don't think you ever get to tell people that you can't say certain words they used to be able to say all the time. | ||
| You know, I mean, the idea behind those words is still the same. | ||
| Like, if you say to someone, you shouldn't say retarded anymore, even though that used to be like a term that they would use for things being slower, like their growth being slower, their growth was retarded. | ||
| But now if you even use it as a technical term, like, and the growth was retarded, people will get upset at you. | ||
| Don't use that anymore. | ||
| Now that's a forbidden sound. | ||
| Even if it doesn't mean what they think it means, talking about a person with Down syndrome, they don't like hearing the R word. | ||
| You talked about it in your special. | ||
| I thought it was a great bit where you're like, just these sounds from your face. | ||
| Like, what are we doing? | ||
| You're making these different sounds with your mouth, so you're... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's just sounds. | ||
| Well, it's a byproduct of speech being a shitty way to really clearly convey intent. | ||
| And that's why when someone is good at speaking their mind, we kind of get a real sense of... | ||
| We enjoy it. | ||
| Someone's good at speaking their mind. | ||
| But if someone sucks at speaking their mind, you know, if they're clunky at it, then it's not enjoyable. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, I agree. | ||
| And there's too many people that... | ||
| There's no barrier of entry. | ||
| And... | ||
| We're exposed to a lot of horse shit very quickly now. | ||
| Whereas, like, I think back in the day, comedians had time to grow in a club. | ||
| You know, you look at Bob Saget, right? | ||
| Bob Saget was like a dirty, fucking filthy comic who ended up getting on the cleanest television show ever, right? | ||
| The dad, you know, Danny Tanner was... | ||
| You know, but then if there were cell phones out back then, he would have never gotten that gig. | ||
| Well, I think he stopped doing stand-up for a long time because of that, too, right? | ||
| Yeah, I think so, probably. | ||
| I don't think he did stand-up while he was doing that show. | ||
| I might be wrong, but if he did do it, maybe he did like a... | ||
| An abridged... | ||
| Yeah, you know, a PG-13 version or something. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You know, if... | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| Is it worth it? | ||
| You know, is it worth it censoring? | ||
| I mean, I think one day, it seems like the more time goes on, the more words they're sneaking into network television. | ||
| You hear, like, shit every now and then. | ||
| I think you're allowed to say shit and asshole on a network show now. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There was like a big episode once on CBS. I don't think you can say shit in my asshole, though. | ||
| No, you can't say that. | ||
| You can call somebody a dick, but you can't refer to your dick. | ||
| That's the idea, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, you can call someone a pussy, I think, even, too, which is weird. | ||
| You know, that one's on the way out. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, now that's become a thing where you're feminizing a man and now that's offensive to women. | ||
| Fuck you, bitch. | ||
| Now that's offensive. | ||
| I'm calling my buddy a pussy and you get to take the offense on that? | ||
| That's some crazy woman shit. | ||
| That's actually right there. | ||
| That's how crazy women are. | ||
| It's not how crazy women are, it's how crazy some women are. | ||
| It's like, some men are fucking crazy too. | ||
| You're just dealing with a giant number of people. | ||
| But if people find a little thing where they can pick on it and go after it like that... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| There's nothing... | ||
| It's very funny to me. | ||
| There's no words... | ||
| Feminizing. | ||
| ...that could possibly offend me, that could ever... | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know... | ||
| Well, some people are just looking for it, man. | ||
| Right? | ||
| I don't actually believe they're offended, though. | ||
| No, I don't think so either. | ||
| I think it's like, you know when you see a Puerto Rican kid get himself worked up in a fight, where he's like, what? | ||
| What do you say? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What do you say? | |
| And he starts to have to psychologically fucking get himself into this brawl. | ||
| That's what I think people do online all day. | ||
| They stoke themselves up, and they don't really care. | ||
| Nobody actually, if they really gave a fuck, they would go out and do something. | ||
| Well, I think a lot of them do care. | ||
| But they're just expressing it on Twitter, or on Facebook, or wherever they're doing. | ||
| I think a lot of them do care. | ||
| But I think that... | ||
| It's fake caring. | ||
| It's too easy to pretend to care now. | ||
| That's the problem. | ||
| I think people just enjoy the conflict. | ||
| They enjoy it. | ||
| You think so? | ||
| I feel shitty. | ||
| I feel so gross inside when I go back and forth to somebody. | ||
| We were talking about that before. | ||
| You feel shitty. | ||
| And I deal with it a lot being an entertainer. | ||
| So I imagine when people deal with back and forth online that it's sort of a shitty feeling. | ||
| They don't necessarily want that. | ||
| They sort of want the accolades for their opinions. | ||
| They do. | ||
| They want that. | ||
| But also, it's addictive. | ||
| The conflict is addictive. | ||
| It's almost like you're playing a game. | ||
| You know, you're saying something shitty to them, and they say something back to you, shitty, and then they insult you, and you insult them, and you post a Google article that refutes their Google article. | ||
| But it's conflict! | ||
| You know, and some, look, you can serendipitously, is that the right word? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Serendipitously? | ||
| Serendipitously. | ||
| You could stumble across some brilliant piece of something on Twitter, and you definitely can learn something, and you definitely get some information that you didn't have before. | ||
| It happens all the time. | ||
| You can also get sucked into some abortion debate that eats your life for the next seven days, and you start trying to figure out who's right or who's wrong, and what position to take. | ||
| Abortion is one of the... | ||
| Most human subjects in that humans are so, we're so weird in so many ways. | ||
| We're so unusual and irregular and we don't We're inconsistent in a lot of the ways we look at things, but the abortion one is a crazy one. | ||
| You're literally talking about stopping a human life while it's inside of a person. | ||
| And then you're talking about whether or not you have the decision to tell someone that they can stop a life inside of their body. | ||
| And everybody's like, that's not what it is! | ||
| And people try to redefine it in some strange way. | ||
| Like, no, no, no, it's a woman's choice. | ||
| It is. | ||
| It is a woman's choice. | ||
| But what is it a woman's choice to do? | ||
| To decide whether or not a life... | ||
| Stays in her body and becomes a person or not. | ||
| And when do you get to decide? | ||
| This is not a simple, clean thing. | ||
| It's a simple, clean thing in my mind in terms of what I'm able to tell anybody what to do, and I wouldn't want to. | ||
| But if you just look as a human, if someone is having an abortion, and the baby is a healthy baby that's pretty close to being born, like, when is it okay? | ||
| I think most people think it's okay when there's like two cells, right? | ||
| There's only two cells, or four cells, and they start dividing. | ||
| But at one point in time... | ||
| There's a line where... | ||
| It's viable outside of the woman's body. | ||
| And also, you think about this, like, whatever that line is, everyone, right, let's say you're pro-choice, you have a line where one second ago it wasn't okay, but in this exact second it is okay, which is sort of fucking crazy in itself, you know? | ||
| Well, it's crazy in terms of if you talk about a late-term abortion. | ||
| Well, that's just nuts. | ||
| Yeah, how late is this? | ||
| Like, what are we saying? | ||
| I mean, and this is a terrifying thing for people, this idea that We can make these decisions and rationalize them and decide for a person whether or not they should have to raise a child or whether they can stop it because it hasn't seen air yet. | ||
| It's such a fucking... | ||
| Once you have a kid, it changes. | ||
| I saw my kid's heartbeat. | ||
| Every Puerto Rican instinct I had to have a baby kicked in. | ||
| I was like, we're having this fucking baby. | ||
| That's that. | ||
| Because when we went to the doctor, we weren't 100% positive we were going to keep my son. | ||
| It was a debate. | ||
| Much more on her end. | ||
| It really is. | ||
| Latinos, we just fucking want to spread our seed. | ||
| Because I really... | ||
| I just... | ||
| She got pregnant and that was that. | ||
| And then I saw the heartbeat and I was like, that's a baby right there. | ||
| I'm watching. | ||
| It's just a little flickering on a screen. | ||
| But I was like, what do you want me to say? | ||
| That's a heartbeat. | ||
| However... | ||
| You know, there's a lot of, there's some crazy shit. | ||
| I argued with this. | ||
| There's a lot of religious stuff attached to it. | ||
| You know, people don't want anybody to enforce their own religious beliefs as to what abortion is. | ||
| You know, and especially when you're dealing with something that's like just a week, two weeks, whatever it is. | ||
| Like, people think of it as just a cluster of cells. | ||
| Like, why is it so bad to stop this in its tracks? | ||
| I mean, by the way, I also think of it as a cluster of cells, and if I had to put myself into a category, I would put myself into the pro-choice category. | ||
| Well, I think we need to decide. | ||
| First of all, men can't get pregnant. | ||
| If men can get pregnant, I used to have a joke about it. | ||
| You'd be able to get an abortion on your phone. | ||
| Literally, it'd be an app. | ||
| I used to have this bit about it, because it's true. | ||
| If men, like, when they had a cold, they'd pull out your phone and go, fuck this kid. | ||
| This is too annoying. | ||
| Not dealing with it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's not that we should be able to tell a woman whether or not she can or she can't do it. | ||
| It's just looking at it for what it actually is. | ||
| I don't think we have any right to tell a woman what she can or can't do, but looking at it for what it is. | ||
| I mean, it is not a clean thing. | ||
| It's a strange thing. | ||
| And it's why I say it's one of the most human things. | ||
| Because it's... | ||
| Other animals don't have that choice. | ||
| You can't deny what it is. | ||
| I had a cat when I was 11. And it was just... | ||
| We were garbage. | ||
| So she, like, fucked her son. | ||
| So she had a bunch of retarded cats with backwards legs. | ||
| And I watched my cat eat those kittens. | ||
| So, yeah, it's pretty human. | ||
| The debate... | ||
| It would have been a conversation with humans. | ||
| Yeah, I've seen that animals do that. | ||
| I had a hamster that did that once. | ||
| She ate her babies. | ||
| And we were like, what the fuck? | ||
| I guess she's pro-choice. | ||
| This hamster. | ||
| No, that's not pro-choice, right? | ||
| She has a choice to eat their babies? | ||
| She had carved a hole out of this baby's head, and she was chewing on it. | ||
| We looked in, and I never thought of that hamster the same way again. | ||
| I'm like, that is a pretty rat. | ||
| That dirty little thing killed its babies. | ||
| What in the hell? | ||
| They get some sort of a disease, apparently, and if they get that disease, they'll often just kill their babies. | ||
| Hamsters. | ||
| Dude, it was rough. | ||
| We were little, too. | ||
| We were like six, seven. | ||
| Me and my sister were like, what the fuck? | ||
| That's an awful way to learn about death. | ||
| See, these things eat their babies. | ||
| We were so happy that they had babies. | ||
| Like, oh my god, it's going to be amazing. | ||
| The cutest little thing. | ||
| By the way, baby hamsters, they look like little fingers. | ||
| They're just cute and pink, and their eyes are closed. | ||
| Yeah, it was like wet tail, I think, is the disease. | ||
| I think that's what it was called. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Turned out she had, yeah. | ||
| You know, I don't remember where we got her. | ||
| Pet store or some shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't need any of those pets. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What's up, Jamie? | |
| I'm not a pet guy as it is. | ||
| I'm looking up an article about it, and it just says that, like, especially in first-time mothers, stress and fear associated with rearing the babies can be too much to handle. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| So she just kills them all. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jesus. | |
| I don't know if that's right, but that's what this article says. | ||
| That's hamsters? | ||
| Yeah, it's about hamsters. | ||
| It happens a lot with animals. | ||
| Dogs, cats, they kill their babies. | ||
| They eat them sometimes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oof. | |
| The most fucked up one is bears. | ||
| Because bears, they'll go into dens looking for babies. | ||
| Other babies for other animals. | ||
| Oh yeah, well the predators, you watch those predator shows where like a bunch of fucking hyenas, they're always looking for like a baby antelope. | ||
| Yeah, but baby bears. | ||
| Like bears eat bears. | ||
| Oh, bears eat bears. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Cannibals. | ||
| They eat little cubs. | ||
| Aw. | ||
| Eat the shit out of them. | ||
| Aw. | ||
| I know. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| That's sad. | ||
| And bear death seems pretty horrific. | ||
| I never even saw that movie, The Revenant. | ||
| Really, man? | ||
| No, The Revenant, where it's the most brutal scene ever. | ||
| That's the fake one. | ||
| You gotta see Grizzly Man. | ||
| They have the video of him getting eaten, though? | ||
| No, no, no, no. | ||
| Grizzly Man is about a gay guy that moves to Alaska to save the bears, and one of them eats him and his girlfriend. | ||
| It is a crazy film. | ||
| It's a Werner Herzog documentary. | ||
| It's unintentional comedy. | ||
| I think the way it's edited, he had to know. | ||
| There's certain points in time where it's obvious comedic timing, the way he edited it. | ||
| It seemed like a lot of it was tongue-in-cheek, but it's about a really crazy guy. | ||
| Timothy Treadwell, who lived with the bears for hundreds and hundreds of days, and had all this video footage of him really close to big, giant grizzly bears and shit. | ||
| Yeah, I know the story. | ||
| And he eventually ate them. | ||
| Yeah, it became a sort of a meme. | ||
| They'll do that. | ||
| Eventually, you're going to run into a bear that's like, hey, you know what? | ||
| They'll eat the fuck out of you, dude. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| But it's a great documentary. | ||
| I'd love to watch it. | ||
| But bears eat their cubs. | ||
| There's video of... | ||
| There's maybe a guy at a Russian zoo who jumps into the bear cage, and there's just video of this bear eating this man. | ||
| And it's just... | ||
| It looks... | ||
| It looks every bit like the most horrible thing in the world. | ||
| Like, that is the way that I don't want to go. | ||
| You always talk about how would you want to go. | ||
| It's like, I know how I don't want to go is being eaten alive by a bear. | ||
| Because they will eat you guts first. | ||
| You know, you'll still be alive. | ||
| They'll be tearing your guts apart. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They're so big. | ||
| Like a grizzly. | ||
| A grizzly bear. | ||
| We don't even understand how big that is. | ||
| It's like a 900 pound super dog. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You know? | ||
| Imagine a 900 pound dog that wants to kill you. | ||
| That's a bear. | ||
| I get very scared because you, you know, I know you run with your dog in the hills. | ||
| Have you, uh... | ||
| Gotta look out for cats. | ||
| Yeah, like cougars and shit. | ||
| Have you had to deal with any of that shit? | ||
| No. | ||
| I always run with a knife though. | ||
| Just in case. | ||
| You heard the story about the guy, because it was the rumor a couple years ago about how you choked out a cougar or whatever. | ||
| It was like a mountain lion. | ||
| And that was the guy who... | ||
| Did it in Colorado. | ||
| He killed one. | ||
| By the time it was a baby. | ||
| Yeah, Brian Callan and Brendan Shaw were shitting all over that guy. | ||
| They were saying he was a baby killer. | ||
| They called it a long time ago. | ||
| Didn't they? | ||
| They called it, like, Ranella was saying it was 85 pounds, and I was saying, I heard it was 85 pounds. | ||
| And then Jamie Googled it, and he found 35 pounds. | ||
| And I was like, whoa, that's not as impressive. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And then now they're saying it was, like, amazing. | ||
| It still fucked him up, though. | ||
| The cat's still, like, he was still fucked up. | ||
| Got his shots in. | ||
| Isn't it crazy that a baby cat would think that it could kill a grown person? | ||
| Imagine being something that cocky, like you with your face, running up to like a giraffe and going, oh, I got this fucking thing. | ||
| I'm just going to jump on this motherfucker. | ||
| I could kill a giraffe. | ||
| You think so? | ||
| I don't think you could. | ||
| You don't think so? | ||
| Oh, Jesus Christ! | ||
| This bear's just mauling this guy. | ||
| Did it kill him? | ||
| That was Khabib's former training partner. | ||
| Oh, Jesus Christ. | ||
| It doesn't always go well in that camp. | ||
| Oh my God, it's tearing him apart. | ||
| Okay, stop, Jamie! | ||
| Stop this! | ||
| Did the guy die? | ||
| Must have. | ||
| Yeah, that doesn't look like it's gonna end well. | ||
| He lived! | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Oh my god. | ||
| Bear's probably never killed anything before. | ||
| Probably just been eating meat that they gave it to. | ||
| He's probably like, what do I do with you? | ||
| He's just bad at killings. | ||
| He was just doing it longer and more painfully. | ||
| It's like being stabbed with a butter knife. | ||
| He said his condition yesterday was said to be comfortable. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| He had severe head and leg injuries. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But he's got a story. | ||
| Now he'll go on tour. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's a badass. | ||
| I'll get some pussy off that story. | ||
| You think so? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| In Russia? | ||
| Some girls. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| If a bear attack happens, this guy's prepared. | ||
| He's not going to freeze in his tracks. | ||
| If Burt Kreischer had that story, that'd be a whole other fucking special. | ||
| It would be. | ||
| Another 45 minutes. | ||
| The Machine versus the Bear? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The Machine versus the Bear! | ||
| I can see it now. | ||
| He might have to write something for you. | ||
| Dude, we've got to wrap this up. | ||
| It's 3 p.m. | ||
| That was fun. | ||
| So tell people one more time where they can get your special... | ||
| You can get it everywhere. | ||
| iTunes, Google Play, Amazon, and directly from our website, gasdigitalnetwork.com. | ||
| And you are, is it Gomez Comedy on Instagram? | ||
| Gomez Comedy on Instagram, Lucia Gomez on Twitter. | ||
| Yeah, listen to the pods. | ||
| I get a few pods. | ||
| I do one with Bisping as well. | ||
| I'll call it Believe You Me. | ||
| That's called Believe You Me. | ||
| Right. | ||
| All right. | ||
| Beautiful. | ||
| Luis, always good, brother. | ||
| My brother. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| Thanks, dude. | ||
| Bye, everybody. | ||
| That was fun, dude. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That was fun, dude. |
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