March 14, 2019 - The Joe Rogan Experience
03:11:17
Participants
| 
| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
|
unidentified
|
Hey! | |
| Headphones, sir? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| Do I have to? | ||
| They're better. | ||
| Lock in. | ||
| Are we live? | ||
| Hey Andrew, how you doing? | ||
| I'm good, how are you? | ||
| I'm good, man. | ||
| What's up? | ||
| Chilling, man. | ||
| Thanks for having me. | ||
| Thanks for being here, dude. | ||
| Of course, of course. | ||
| Hey, I like what you're doing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Thank you. | |
| I like a lot of things you're doing. | ||
| First of all, I like that you decided to put all your shit on YouTube. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| You're like, fuck it. | ||
| Fuck it. | ||
| Look, it's hard. | ||
| Look, there's about a million fucking comedians today. | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| There's more comedians now than ever. | ||
| I'll lock in, don't worry. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We don't have to. | |
| We don't have to have them on. | ||
| There's like a million comedians today. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And... | ||
| A lot of these companies are overwhelmed. | ||
| There's no room for all these up and coming guys that are coming up. | ||
| Some guys like you are really good. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Thank you. | |
| They're looking like, how do you get your shit out there? | ||
| Well, just put it out there on YouTube. | ||
| Exactly that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, everybody just said no to me. | ||
| That was a thing. | ||
| So, I didn't have a choice. | ||
| Well, a lot of people, that's happening to Brian Callen right now. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And then he just did his, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I posted his thing. | ||
| But he's releasing it on iTunes. | ||
| He's releasing it on all the other platforms. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| But there's no fucking room. | ||
| Yeah, it's a weird thing because, I guess for me, the stand-up industry wasn't really inviting to me, even from the beginning. | ||
| So, a couple years ago, I filmed my own. | ||
| Especially when I did it in New York. | ||
| And I did five clubs and I did the cab rides in between. | ||
| And the idea was, alright, if you don't fuck with me, at least you can appreciate this part of stand-up that is being a New York guy. | ||
| Did you do 15-minute sets in each place? | ||
| Oh, wow, that's cool. | ||
| Yeah, so I was like, if you love the game... | ||
| You at least will take a look at this and maybe support this. | ||
| And everybody said no. | ||
| CISO said no. | ||
| And I had a show with them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like, bro, it was bad. | |
| Humbling. | ||
| But I just believed in the project and I thought it was dope. | ||
| So I cut a 15-minute version. | ||
| But I'll tell you what I did. | ||
| You can learn everything you need about stand-up from asking people who don't do stand-up. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, like, I asked all my friends and just people I would meet, I'd be like, who you watching, you know, these days? | ||
| And, you know, they'd say the names that we all know. | ||
| And then they'd always say this, they'd be like, yeah, it was funny, man, but I didn't finish it. | ||
| Hmm. | ||
| Everybody said that, right? | ||
| And I was like, alright, so it's too long. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So I cut it down to 15. I did like a 15-minute version of the special. | ||
| I did four clubs. | ||
| And I just put it right on YouTube. | ||
| And it was weird. | ||
| I like sold out shows that weekend in San Diego, and I was never a sellout guy. | ||
| You know, I have a few guys come out from the podcast I do and that kind of stuff, but it was never like a... | ||
| Like a sellout, you know? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| And I was like, wow, that's kind of weird. | ||
| And then I did a show in like Columbus, Ohio. | ||
| You know the, what is it, the Funny Bone out there? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| A great club. | ||
| Great club. | ||
| And I think we sold like 1,600 tickets. | ||
| And I was like, what the fuck is happening? | ||
| Like, I was not in Ohio, you know? | ||
| And like people were coming out like, I like your thing. | ||
| I was like, oh shit, maybe people are watching this. | ||
| And I started to sit back for a second. | ||
| I was like, why are people watching it? | ||
| Man, maybe it's short. | ||
| And I was like, alright, fuck it. | ||
| You know what I'm going to do? | ||
| I'm going to put a joke out a week for a year. | ||
| I got another 45 minutes left of the special, and I could probably produce some more stand-up. | ||
| I'll just put a joke out a week. | ||
| There was this... | ||
| Singer who was doing that and like he just put a song out a week his name was Russ and I was like alright that's he's a worker I can I can at least control that I can outwork somebody so I'll do that and I put the joke out for a week and like the joke started to go and like someone would go viral and I was like yo this is crazy and People are coming out to shows and then my YouTube guy hits me. | ||
| He goes you know something weird is happening. | ||
| I go what's up and he goes When people watch a clip They'll watch for two hours I go, what do you mean? | ||
| Like, they'll just get lost in a wormhole. | ||
| And I go, so wait a minute, so people aren't watching an hour of stand-up? | ||
| On the networks, because it's too long. | ||
| But they're watching two hours of mine. | ||
| I'm like, why the fuck would that happen? | ||
| And we figured out that it was, you made the choice. | ||
| When you're in control of your destiny, right? | ||
| You'll invest as much time as you want. | ||
| It's hitting snooze on the alarm clock. | ||
| It's like, I'll take another eight minutes. | ||
| I'll take another eight minutes. | ||
| I won't set my alarm clock for an hour later. | ||
| That would be irresponsible. | ||
| But I'll snooze, snooze, snooze. | ||
| And when people make their own fucking choice, it was like, it was just crazy to see what happened, man. | ||
| It's also the platform. | ||
| The platform, I mean, people on their phones, Netflix told me that half the people that watch my special watch it on a phone. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Of course. | |
| Absolutely. | ||
| So people that are watching phones, you're on that goddamn thing all day long, and it's way easier to flip a channel. | ||
| It's way easier just, you got that remote in your hand anyway when you sit at home. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's a good point. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| That's a really good point. | ||
| Yeah, when you're on your phone, you're going full screen. | ||
| You gotta, like, tap it, move it. | ||
| And you don't know what's next. | ||
| I know if I turn this channel, it's ESPN2. Exactly. | ||
| I don't know if I leave this video what I'm gonna see next. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, 100%. | ||
| There's a little bit of that. | ||
| There's a little bit of phone addiction that contributes to a lot of views. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But people love fucking YouTube. | ||
| They love it. | ||
| I mean, YouTube never ends. | ||
| You could be on it for the rest of your life and not put a dent in the content that's on there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah. | |
| It's space. | ||
| Yeah, especially if you have like me. | ||
| I got a lot of weird interests. | ||
| Like you look at like what it suggests for me. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's like shit on the cosmos, muscle cars, professional pool matches, MMA. It's chaos. | ||
| Archery. | ||
| It's all elk hunting and shit. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| Like I could never leave my fucking house, just sit with my phone plugged in the wall and just numb my brain. | ||
| And we'll keep suggesting shit to you, right? | ||
| Oh yeah. | ||
| And you're like, yeah, I do want to check that out. | ||
| As soon as they did that, I saw this back when there was no suggestions. | ||
| Remember those days? | ||
| Yeah, of course. | ||
| The dark days. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| As soon as they started suggesting shit, I was like, oh my god, that's a game changer. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And then the next video just automatically plays, like, oh, you got us. | ||
| You got us now. | ||
| Yeah, so it's over. | ||
| It's like, it's just right there. | ||
| You have all your access points to it, you know? | ||
| I mean, that was the beauty of it, I found. | ||
| It's like, you know, with a special, maybe the best joke that you have on your special to someone else is 33 minutes in. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So that guy's got to wait 33 minutes hoping you're going to hit that joke, right? | ||
| On YouTube, like if I had your special and I cut it up to jokes on YouTube, what topic? | ||
| Not, you know, everything under an umbrella, you know? | ||
| You have an access point here. | ||
| You have, let's say, six different access points. | ||
| With the new special I have out now, right? | ||
| It's six different pieces. | ||
| So it's a different access point every single time. | ||
| Some people might come for a Trump joke. | ||
| Some people might come for a tranny joke. | ||
| It doesn't matter, right? | ||
| So it's not the situation where you have to go, okay, maybe I hit 37 minutes in this bit that I love. | ||
| No, you're going to get that bit right away, and then you're going to go back to the beginning and go, okay, I'm going to watch this all the way through. | ||
| It's the music model. | ||
| For me... | ||
| I didn't invent anything. | ||
| I just stole it from music. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Musicians put out a single for a reason. | ||
| Yeah, I kind of, I like that if you're thinking about marketing. | ||
| Yes, complete, complete, like, you and I are in way different places with stand-up, right? | ||
| Like, you're one of the most famous people in the world, right? | ||
| So you don't need to find new people to see you. | ||
| People are going to watch your stand-up because they're like, alright, I have an intimate relationship with this guy, I listen to him eight hours a week, and I just want to see his stand-up, right? | ||
| I'm still in marketing phase. | ||
| I'm like, how can I get new people to see me? | ||
| There's five people that should have comedy specials now. | ||
| That's more than that. | ||
| There's five. | ||
| Hey, send Jeff out to get lighters. | ||
| Tell him to go get some lighters. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You, Rock, Chappelle, Louis, Burr. | |
| That's it. | ||
| Everybody else should be in acquisition phase. | ||
| Why? | ||
| I don't know about that, man. | ||
| I don't buy into that. | ||
| First of all, I don't think that way. | ||
| I never worry about what other people are doing. | ||
| I just don't. | ||
| I don't think about it. | ||
| And then two, all I concentrate on is doing my best shit. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And once I got to a point where I was successful enough, where I didn't have to worry about money, it was a huge relief. | ||
| And honestly, I think I started doing my best work. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| Because then I wasn't thinking, I didn't have any resources that were dialed into how do I promote this and how do I get that going. | ||
| All my resources like, this bit needs something more. | ||
| I've got to figure out how to really sell that. | ||
| I've got to put, maybe if I switched it around. | ||
| So it's all about alchemy. | ||
| It's all about acting. | ||
| Adding shit and trying to make gold. | ||
| All I'm doing is like stirring in the lab trying to make gold. | ||
| Because you love creating, though. | ||
| Yeah, well, I don't have... | ||
| There's no thoughts on marketing now. | ||
| But you found out you love creating. | ||
| Yeah, for sure. | ||
| I've always loved creating. | ||
| But some people don't know that. | ||
| I feel like success teaches you exactly what you wanted. | ||
| Like these people who blow up with stand-up and never do it again. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They never wanted to be a stand-up. | ||
| Right, right, right. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right? | |
| It's like, if you blow up and all you're thinking about is how do I make this toe knuckle hair joke better? | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| You love the game! | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You're like, I don't know, the greatest thing that ever happened for me was I stopped desiring things I couldn't control. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Like, I realized, oh, I don't care about a special on HBO or Netflix. | ||
| I just wanted people to see it. | ||
| Right. | ||
| If they see it and 10 people see it, that's cool because I just loved making it. | ||
| And if a million people see it, that's also cool. | ||
| But if anybody sees it, it's gratitude. | ||
| Do you see what I'm saying? | ||
| Before, I was just this void. | ||
| So much of us are comics. | ||
| I was just trying to fill up. | ||
| I'm sure you get people asking to be on a show and all that shit all the time. | ||
| It's just comics trying to take, fill themselves. | ||
| And I was an entitled little fucking brat probably. | ||
| Why don't I have a special? | ||
| Why don't I have this shit? | ||
| There's a lot of that going on. | ||
| It's useless, bro. | ||
| But I couldn't... | ||
| You know how, like, every rich person goes, money doesn't make you happy, and every poor person is like, man, when I'm rich, I'm going to be happy? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I feel like it's like that. | ||
| Like, I needed to get a certain amount of success for me to realize, man, I just love making these things. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Everybody does. | ||
| It's like... | ||
| Everybody does. | ||
| And if you don't, if you don't, I mean, you're... | ||
| Either blessed or stupid. | ||
| Like one of those things. | ||
| It's either you're this guy that's just pure or a woman who's pure right from the jump and you're just all about creating. | ||
| But it's really just about, you know, I was talking to Shob about it the night before that we were at the comedy store. | ||
| We were about to go on stage. | ||
| I'm like, how fun is killing? | ||
| Killing is the most fun. | ||
| I don't understand how people could quit this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You quit doing comedy, man. | ||
| Why would you quit? | ||
| Out of all the shit that I do, if they said you could only do one, I'd be like, comedy! | ||
| It's not a question. | ||
| Everything else I could just pretend I'm doing. | ||
| Whether it's UFC commentary, I just sit at home and watch TV and just talk about what someone's supposed to be doing. | ||
| You can't fake it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| You can't fake comedy. | ||
| You can fake literally everything else. | ||
| Everything else. | ||
| You can't fake killing. | ||
| Yeah, you and I could have the same fucking conversation we probably would if there was no cameras, no people. | ||
| If you and I were just chilling in the main room, green room at the comedy store, we'd probably have the same conversation. | ||
| Facts. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| Yeah, but when you go up there, that is a precision art form that requires calculation and also zen-like smoothness and alpha flow. | ||
| You gotta be in the zone. | ||
| You gotta be in that flow state. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| You've got to be happy, but you've also got to be focused. | ||
| You've got to be having a good time, but concentrating on these people and projecting to them, and you want them to have a good time. | ||
| The whole deal is, one of the best things about this job is you're making people feel good. | ||
| They're coming out of their house to see you, and they come out of there feeling better. | ||
| They have a good time. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| If everything goes right, they feel better. | ||
| And my mom said the exact same thing. | ||
| She's like, you're very lucky. | ||
| You get to make people feel good for a living. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You have like an ethical job. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Like how rare is that? | ||
| Imagine you're one of these like insurance guys that has to like tell people they can't get their bills paid from their car accident because it was their fault. | ||
| Or imagine if you're like one of those big tobacco guys. | ||
| You're driving around at a Rolls Royce knowing that someone's on an iron lung somewhere. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Jamie, where's the lighter? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You know when someone's drowning in their own fluid. | ||
| Yeah, you feel like shit. | ||
| And you just fly me to the moon. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Let me play among the stars. | |
| Dude, it's the best. | ||
| It's like, it's bullfighting. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's what we do. | ||
| My buddy said it so well. | ||
| He's like, because people used to always make the boxing analogy and I hated that because I used to box a little bit and I never at all felt that it was similar. | ||
| I've never heard a boxer go, yeah, this is just like stand-up. | ||
| It is like a martial art in that the truth is what works. | ||
| I'll go on that. | ||
| Because in martial arts, particularly in martial arts, not just in boxing, but boxing is a martial art, but the only stuff that works is the stuff that works. | ||
| And if you hit a guy and he goes unconscious, it doesn't matter. | ||
| One of the things that I used to like about fighting was that everybody could hate me, and I didn't care. | ||
| I didn't care because when I got in there, I'm like, I knew that I was going to fuck that guy up. | ||
| It doesn't matter what his friends think. | ||
| It doesn't matter how loud his parents cheer. | ||
| I'm going to kick that dude in his head and I'm going to separate him from his consciousness. | ||
| And that's just going to happen. | ||
| And you can hate me all day long. | ||
| It doesn't matter. | ||
| But then I had to switch gears 100% into comedy and I thought they were so different. | ||
| And then I realized, because in comedy you have to get the people to like you. | ||
| You can't just have these ideas and be unlikable. | ||
| Can't you get them to respect you? | ||
| Yeah, but they gotta like you. | ||
| I mean, you can get them to respect. | ||
| Even respect is liking you. | ||
| Someone can say one thing. | ||
| Like the late, great Brody Stevens who just passed. | ||
| If you looked at Brody's material on paper, some of it wasn't funny. | ||
| And when you looked at it in real life, it was some of my best material that I ever saw anybody do. | ||
| Because Brody's personality was so likable and he was so funny on stage that you just wanted to laugh at him. | ||
| Authenticity. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And when I was starting out, I didn't have that. | ||
| I had a hard time making that switch. | ||
| Then once I got better at stand-up, I realized, oh, it's so similar. | ||
| Because either it's funny or it's not funny. | ||
| Either it works or it doesn't work. | ||
| And your job is not... | ||
| Like some comics, they get caught up in their image. | ||
| They get caught up in how they want the audience to think of them. | ||
| And they dress a certain way on purpose because they want to project this image. | ||
| And they'll even say things on stage that are kind of gross. | ||
| That they're only saying it because they want the audience to think they're cool. | ||
| And it gives you a little like, ew, but maybe they're good enough so that you still laugh. | ||
| You see it, not everybody. | ||
| Authenticity illuminates all. | ||
| Those comics can't follow a real comic. | ||
| Have you ever noticed this? | ||
| When you see someone who's being truthful, he might not even be as funny. | ||
| He might not be killing as hard. | ||
| But it's so authentic that when the comic comes next, it feels like they're reading jokes off a paper. | ||
| Right? | ||
| And it's... | ||
| Our bodies are keyed into... | ||
| Like, comedy's reptilian, if you do it right. | ||
| Right? | ||
| You know, like, a lot of times... | ||
| People ask why old women can laugh at the same jokes that I'm telling that these young people can laugh at. | ||
| And my response is always, it's not their choice. | ||
| I'm not telling you jokes to your choice. | ||
| The Daily Show Trevor Noah is jokes about how you want the world to be. | ||
| I'm telling you jokes about how you deep down feel it is. | ||
| I'm going at your gut. | ||
| It's reptile shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So it's like, if it's in here already, Right. | |
| You're going to laugh regardless of how old you are, regardless of how you were raised. | ||
| This is how you feel. | ||
| And I think it's why you guys love Diaz so much. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Do you know what I mean? | ||
| It's like, he doesn't have to not be himself. | ||
| Right. | ||
| He's like, what is he? | ||
| Latin? | ||
| What kind of Latin is he? | ||
| He's a Cuban Larry David. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Do you know what I mean? | ||
| It's just like... | ||
| What is Larry David? | ||
| The whole show is, what if someone was authentic 24 hours a day? | ||
| What was Patrice? | ||
| Raw authenticity, 24 hours a day. | ||
| And we're drawn to that in its worst form, in its best form. | ||
| But we're fucking drawn to that. | ||
| And there's something beautiful. | ||
| That's why I always use the bullfighter analogy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's like, the bull, for me... | |
| Is the premise. | ||
| It's not the crowd. | ||
| The crowd is still the crowd. | ||
| It's like, how close can I get to this dangerous premise? | ||
| And I don't want to box with it. | ||
| I want to dance with it. | ||
| I want it to put his nose up against my nose, and then I want to skewer it. | ||
| But before I skewer it, I want to fucking do that shit where I click my heels, and I do the little cape, and I want to entertain the fuck out of the crowd with this dangerous... | ||
| Substance. | ||
| That's what the fuck we do. | ||
| That's why we roll our eyes when we see the pandering shit. | ||
| We're like, what are you wasting this for? | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| It's a fucking superpower. | ||
| Well, I think we're in this weird time period. | ||
| There's an ebb and a flow to comedy. | ||
| And right now, it's the weirdest ebb. | ||
| Because right now, you have... | ||
| This weird comedy that people are saying things that they want the crowd to hear rather than saying things that are funny. | ||
| They're saying things to hit all these checkpoints of progressive thinking. | ||
|
unidentified
|
As a cis white male, I believe. | |
| I don't say that word. | ||
| That shit ain't real. | ||
| It's not real. | ||
| The special I have out now is called Views from the Sis. | ||
| It's a play off a Drake album called Views from the Six. | ||
| But the idea is just like, yeah, these are straight guy views. | ||
| This is what the world needs right now. | ||
| Well, you know, the world needs authenticity. | ||
| Whether it's authenticity from a trans person or authenticity from a straight guy. | ||
| The world needs someone to go out there and say what the fuck they really think and have a well-measured take on things. | ||
| And that's what I see you're doing. | ||
| What you're doing is you're going out there, you're expressing yourself, and the great thing about being turned down by all these platforms is they can't censor you. | ||
| They're not going to tell you, hey, Andrew, we really like you, but... | ||
| Tranny. | ||
| We can't have tranny. | ||
| You can't say that on our network. | ||
| And then you go, why not? | ||
| And then they go, eh. | ||
| Well, I was like, how come you can say cabbie, but you can't say tranny? | ||
| Granny. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Granny. | |
| The joke I have is transgender tranny. | ||
| Grandmother granny. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How is this bad? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| What is happening? | ||
| It's kind of cute. | ||
| Bro, we do it out of love. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| If we shorten something and add a why, it's affectionate. | ||
| Sort of. | ||
| What's not? | ||
| Do you pull your hammy? | ||
| Talking shit to someone and call him Shorty. | ||
| Hey, fucking Shorty. | ||
| Ready? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's longer. | ||
| Shorty is longer. | ||
| Yeah, it's true. | ||
| If you add, that's why Blackie's wrong. | ||
| Right, right, because it's longer. | ||
| The logic is there. | ||
| It's impenetrable, right? | ||
| Sort of. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| What about Japs? | ||
| What about it? | ||
| That's not good. | ||
| But Jappy's cute. | ||
| Oh, you're talking about Jews or you're talking about... | ||
| No, Japanese people. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh! | |
| You call them the Japs. | ||
| Yeah, Japs. | ||
| That's how the World War II people... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Why is that bad? | ||
| Well, it's bad because that's how the soldiers used to talk about him and the people used to talk about him during World War II when they were at war with him. | ||
| So here's my question. | ||
| What if somebody was like, you know who has one of the most refined cultures and delicious cuisine that I've ever experienced? | ||
|
unidentified
|
The Japs. | |
| These Japs. | ||
| Right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's not bad. | |
| You can't say that. | ||
| You know who dances the best? | ||
| The Spicks. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well... | |
| This makes me dancing, bro. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know what to tell you. | |
| I can dance. | ||
| What, are you going to disagree with that? | ||
| They can fucking dance. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Isn't it intention? | |
| Intent, yes. | ||
| It's intent, right? | ||
| So, I was talking to this. | ||
| There was a trans chick that got upset at the joke, and she was like... | ||
| You know, she basically said to me, she's like, you probably wouldn't like it too if as you were walking home at night someone called you tranny and then threw a bottle at you. | ||
| And I was like, I don't respond to the negative comments, but all I'm thinking is if you were walking home at night and someone said transgender and then threw a bottle at you... | ||
| I think it'd be equally upsetting. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Right? | ||
| It's not what the word is. | ||
| There are certain words that are made to make you feel bad. | ||
| The N-word is made specifically to make you feel bad. | ||
| Unless you're a black guy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| And you're using it with your friends. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And even then, it is. | ||
| Like, you can use it however you want, but the designation of the word, right, is to make you feel bad. | ||
| That's what it's designed for. | ||
| That's what it was designed for, but I think black people have successfully taken a word that was negative and empowered it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sure. | |
| To the point where it's laughing, fun. | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| They're having good times and bad times. | ||
| You could use it to describe a powerful person. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You could use it to describe an amazing artist, an amazing athlete. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| You could use it in all the ways. | ||
| It's the most fluid word. | ||
| It's unbelievable. | ||
| It's an incredible word in terms of its ability to be used. | ||
| It's almost like the word fuck. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Like you could stub your toe and fuck. | ||
| Or you could see a Ferrari go fuck. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Do you know in Brazilian, it's the word cum they use for that? | ||
| Wait, what? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's poha. | ||
| Poha. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| So like, you know, like someone will catch a guy in a choke and go poha. | ||
| Like that's a good thing. | ||
| Or you fuck up yourself. | ||
| You're like, ah, poha. | ||
| I forgot my keys. | ||
| In Spanish it's a puta madre. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Which means, like, mother bitch. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| But it's like, it could be a good thing. | ||
| But that makes sense. | ||
| Like, mother bitch. | ||
|
unidentified
|
God damn it. | |
| But cum doesn't even make any sense. | ||
| Like, I was trying to... | ||
| But the feeling of it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I guess. | |
| When you cum, it's like, that is the sensation. | ||
| Like, that was so good. | ||
| Watching you do that almost felt like me nutting. | ||
| And it could be bad in that, like, your dick tricked you into fucking this girl you've been trying to avoid. | ||
| And then you cum and you're like, fuck! | ||
|
unidentified
|
That is. | |
| There's regret. | ||
| Everybody... | ||
| Women will never understand post-nut syndrome. | ||
| I do not think they understand it. | ||
| Describe post-nut syndrome because this is something exclusive to us. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Like, I don't know I like you until I come. | ||
| Yeah, that's true. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| You do not know. | ||
| And that's why it's so fucked up when women think we're fuckboys or we're pieces of shit as dudes. | ||
| It's like, you don't get it. | ||
| I think I like you. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Everything I'm saying to you, I believe. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And my dick is just like, we're going to find out. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| And there are times where you nut, and it's like, damn. | ||
| Yeah, you realize you made a mistake. | ||
| Especially if the woman is really into you, and you're really not into her, and you're like, oh, I made an error. | ||
| And then you do feel like an asshole. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But if you say that to them, they're like, yeah, I'm a fucking asshole. | ||
| I'm like, I'm just being honest with you. | ||
| Biology. | ||
| I got tricked by genetics. | ||
| Yeah, why can't that be my biology? | ||
| Why can't I feel... | ||
| So for women, let me explain what this is like. | ||
| You have this... | ||
| It's like finding out your guy was poor. | ||
| This is what it's like. | ||
| This is how I describe it. | ||
| Having an erection and getting excited is like sitting in the backseat of a really long bus. | ||
| And there's some other guy up there driving the bus. | ||
| Most of the time, you're driving the bus. | ||
| Not when your dick is hard. | ||
| When your dick is hard, there's some other guy driving the bus. | ||
| And all the windows are rolled down. | ||
| There's papers flying around. | ||
| The horn's honking. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Dah, dah. | |
| And you're looking at life taking place through a dirty windshield 100 feet away from you. | ||
| And you're like, do you even know where the fuck you're going? | ||
| We passed the stop! | ||
| And your dick's like, just shut the fuck up and calm down. | ||
| I got this. | ||
| And then when you come, all of a sudden, the fog parts, and you're at the front of the bus holding the wheel. | ||
| And you're like, what? | ||
| What am I doing here? | ||
| How'd I get here? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ah! | |
| And you look down at your dick. | ||
| You motherfucker. | ||
| Bro, it's being a werewolf. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It is being a werewolf. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Isn't that what it's a metaphor for? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| You're this ravenous creature. | ||
| You're running around doing crazy shit. | ||
| And then you wake up in the morning naked. | ||
| Terrified. | ||
| Covered in blood. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Well, fuck. | ||
| Sometimes. | ||
| Sometimes. | ||
| God damn it. | ||
| What did I do? | ||
| What did I do? | ||
| I gotta turn myself in. | ||
| Yeah, it's terrible. | ||
| But that's one of the reasons why, you know, it's so hilarious when you see someone who is a stereotypical male feminist. | ||
| Because, you know, they barely have enough testosterone to keep their heart beating. | ||
| And they probably don't get post-nut syndrome because they just want everyone to love them. | ||
| And they're in this weird state of, you know, Benedict Arnold. | ||
| They're being a gender traitor. | ||
| That's really what's going on. | ||
| It's a lot of what it is. | ||
| There are men that want women to be valued. | ||
| Trying to get pussy, man. | ||
| That's what they do as a hustle. | ||
| There's men that want women to have all the same opportunities and equality, and they want to value them as human beings. | ||
| And that's all real. | ||
| That is real. | ||
| There's way more sneaky, weak fucks that are pretending they think like this. | ||
| Because they know that women go, good, good, you're on our side. | ||
| You're an ally. | ||
| Come over here, ally. | ||
| You're a male ally. | ||
| And they're always these, like, weaselly little dudes with tiny hands. | ||
| Even if they're big, they're awkward and they've had a hard time with women. | ||
| And so they just shit on these men who they feel they're in competition with. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Complete hater move. | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| You see it in everything. | ||
| You see it in comedy. | ||
| It's like, oh, I can't do that type of comedy, so I'm going to make that comedy radioactive so that this is the only type of comedy that's allowed. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Hey, that comedy is... | ||
| So, for example, like... | ||
| It doesn't have to be comedy. | ||
| It could really be any kind of situation. | ||
| You're just trying to carve out the market share. | ||
| You're like, ooh, that comedy's dirty. | ||
| That's edgy. | ||
| That's sexist. | ||
| That's bigoted. | ||
| Censor it. | ||
| Censor it. | ||
| All that's saying is, I don't want to compete with pussy with those guys. | ||
| It's a little bit of that, but it's also the same thing you see with the right versus the left. | ||
| There's a lot of people online from each side that want to censor the opinions of the other people. | ||
|
unidentified
|
For sure. | |
| Instead of having a better opinion, they want to shut that opinion off. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| And when they don't have a better opinion, they just make you radioactive so they don't even have to talk to you. | ||
| You're racist! | ||
| Hey, Joe Rogan, you're racist! | ||
| What do you mean? | ||
| Let's talk about it. | ||
| You're like, I don't talk to racists? | ||
| Ooh, that was clever what you did. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You see what I'm saying? | |
| I went through that. | ||
| The second I had an opinion that went against the grain, immediately I'm labeled as something that they don't even have to have a dialogue with. | ||
| Right, they just shut you down. | ||
| Oh, you're a white supremacist. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Oh, you're alt-right. | ||
| Oh, you're this, you're that. | ||
| Yeah, it's a simple, weak way to end a conversation. | ||
| But all it does is... | ||
| It only works... | ||
| It's like a magic trick. | ||
| It only works if you don't know what they're trying to do. | ||
| So what percentage... | ||
| Of the population knows it, right? | ||
| That's the question I've been trying to wrap my head around. | ||
| You and I can sit here and see this all day, but I think most people are seeking confirmation, not information, right? | ||
| I think most people, they start out their day going, I feel this way. | ||
| It could be right, left, central. | ||
| It doesn't matter. | ||
| And then they're seeking out information that confirms that information. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| There's a parallel to that with what we were talking about with stand-up comedy in your career. | ||
| Because the reason why those people seek out confirmation rather than information is because they're insecure. | ||
| They're not at a good place. | ||
| But once you're in a good place, everything feels good. | ||
| Say if you're in a good relationship and you have a good woman in your life and you're happy and everything's going well, then you see a lot of things for what they are. | ||
| Versus if you're in the hunt, you're trying to get people to love you. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| You don't have any excess. | ||
| I mean, this is a weird segue to it, but I've never did a lot of drugs, but I tried Molly at Burning Man, and it was the first time that I experienced, maybe outside of comedy, but the first time I experienced having extra love. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right? | |
| So instead of operating on a deficit and like trying to make you laugh so I filled a void or like trying to say something interesting so I filled a void, I had extra. | ||
| And what I did with the extra without even realizing it is I called my closest friends and my parents and I just told them how special they were. | ||
| Now, I didn't realize that until years later that that's what you do with excess. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Right? | ||
| So how do I get to excess without drugs? | ||
| Right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right? | |
| The question for me was also, how do I find fulfillment in shit that is not in other people's hands? | ||
| When we were talking to the Comedy Store, what I fucking love about the LA scene right now is that comics have control of it, right? | ||
| So it's like comics are pushing the comedy culture right now, and it's because they're empowered. | ||
| You guys have money. | ||
| You guys have sustainability with your fans. | ||
| You're not going, am I going to get another pilot with Comedy Central? | ||
| That's how it used to be here. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| When the industry ran it, comedy sucked. | ||
| You guys were talking about fucking unicycles and shit, right? | ||
| And that's why... | ||
| No, it's true. | ||
| And look... | ||
| We would come out from New York and we would come out and we'd be kind of disillusioned at the comedy scene back here. | ||
| And maybe that was like some New York, West Coast, East Coast beef or whatever. | ||
| But what's funny is how the ecosystem always balances itself. | ||
| Because as soft as comedy was out here, all of a sudden, out of nowhere, this show called Roast Battle pops up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right? | |
| The hardest show. | ||
| The hardest show. | ||
| Bro. | ||
| Like, wild! | ||
| It's so wild! | ||
| Insane! | ||
| But here's a perfect example. | ||
| Comedy Central took that and they half-watered it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Of course. | |
| They cut it like they would sell cocaine. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Right, you're not getting a pure. | ||
| No. | ||
| You're not getting it from Columbia. | ||
| Not even remotely. | ||
| They took all the juicy stuff out. | ||
| Took the authenticity right out. | ||
| But it was real for a minute. | ||
| But you can go there still on Tuesday night and that place gets fucking wild. | ||
| I get sad. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What do you mean? | |
| I feel sad for some people that get toasted up there. | ||
| I saw a joke. | ||
| There was some kid who's not retarded, but what is it? | ||
| Cerebral palsy. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| And he's up there with his palsy, and the other guy goes, he goes, he goes, you look like your arms drew your legs. | ||
| Oh, Jesus Christ. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bro, I fucking howled, dude. | |
| We were fucking... | ||
| He's up there fucking shaking. | ||
| So fucked up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know what I mean? | |
| Oh, my God. | ||
| He said he looks like someone put your body in a blender. | ||
| No, he looks like someone put your voodoo doll in a blender. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, my God. | |
| Bro, it was so ruthless, but that's what it needed to balance the system. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Well, it definitely helped. | ||
| You know, there's a bunch of factors, but what roast battle is... | ||
| First of all, there's... | ||
| There's good things and bad things about, first of all, Brian Moses, the guy who hosted it, is one of the nicest guys on the planet Earth. | ||
| And that helps. | ||
| And then also he says, you know, it never gets physical. | ||
| At the end, we all hug. | ||
| Like, there's good in that. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| You know, and then when people go after each other, like, there's a guilty pleasure to it that doesn't exist anymore. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's like there's a guilty pleasure to that kind of humor. | ||
| It's very hard to get. | ||
| If you're a fan of that kind of fucking vicious, awful comedy, it's very difficult to get anymore because people don't roast each other anymore. | ||
| No, they're afraid. | ||
| Yeah, they're afraid. | ||
| And they're soft. | ||
| These kids are soft, man. | ||
| We've got to stop blaming kids. | ||
| We've just got to start blaming parents. | ||
| My parents were hard. | ||
| Maybe my mom's an immigrant. | ||
| Maybe that's what it is. | ||
| She's Scottish. | ||
| But, like, my parents were tough. | ||
| Like, my mom let me punch my brother in the face once because he, like, pulled my backpack or something. | ||
| I remember, like, he, like, pulled my backpack. | ||
| I was like, Mom, you pulled my backpack. | ||
| Can I just punch him? | ||
| She's like, once. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's hilarious. | |
| She just let me punch him, right? | ||
| And it was like, for her, when she grew up, that's what brothers did. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And, like, people always do it. | ||
| You know, I know you have some guys come on the show and they talk about how, like, it's happening at the college level. | ||
| Like, we're entitling these kids. | ||
| It's like, no. | ||
| It's happening in elementary school. | ||
| It's when these kids... | ||
| My boy Marco pointed this out to me. | ||
| Both his parents are teachers in Rhode Island. | ||
| He's like, what happens is these fucking kids complain about their teacher in school, right? | ||
| And when you and I were in school, our parents would go, well, yeah, sometimes your teacher don't like you, so figure it out. | ||
| And now these kids go, well, mom, dad, the teacher doesn't like me. | ||
| Well, let's switch you out of this school. | ||
| Let's switch your teacher. | ||
| Let's get your teacher fired. | ||
| So they start thinking the world bends around them, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then... | ||
| Now the shit with the colleges, it's like, I can't get into USC. He's like, oh, don't worry. | ||
| We'll figure out how to get you into USC. That fucking college thing is nuts. | ||
| But we'll get to that. | ||
| But I want to know, what do you think is the root of the softness? | ||
| Like, what is the shift? | ||
| Why? | ||
| What's the shift? | ||
| I know exactly what it is. | ||
| You know when... | ||
| Power is taken. | ||
| It's not given. | ||
| It's taken. | ||
| You have to take it. | ||
| You have to rip it out of somebody's fucking hands. | ||
| Right? | ||
| And after you take power out of someone's hands, that's the last thing you take. | ||
| It's give. | ||
| Right? | ||
| If you have the right constitution. | ||
| You have the right constitution for power. | ||
| What have you done with your power? | ||
|
unidentified
|
You've... | |
| Uplifted a comedy scene. | ||
| You do these shows where you host them at the improv. | ||
| That's not for you. | ||
| That's for comedy. | ||
| You're hosting shows at these different places. | ||
| You can sell out arenas. | ||
| But you're choosing to do shows in this city, I'm assuming, because you understand the value of giving. | ||
| You're operating with excess. | ||
| There's a little bit of that, but honestly, the shows are for me. | ||
| To work out? | ||
| Yeah, to work out. | ||
| But you could do an hour. | ||
| You don't have to put other comics on it. | ||
| Yeah, that's true. | ||
| You don't have to say, Schultz, can you come and do the show tonight? | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| At the improv on Hollywood. | ||
| Yeah, which is sold out. | ||
| I already sold out. | ||
| I was about to try to help promote, and I was like, does he need me to help? | ||
| But it's like... | ||
| So what happens is if you have the right constitution for power, you take and then you provide for your people. | ||
| You give back. | ||
| It certainly helps. | ||
| It helps you. | ||
| Dude, people don't realize how helping is addictive. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We can get to that in a little bit, but once you realize the value you get from giving… As long as it's the right person, then you just can't wait. | ||
| Yeah, it's a trick to think that you should keep it all to yourself, because when you keep it all to yourself, you feel like shit. | ||
| Yeah, you're a piece of shit. | ||
| Then you become that weird old miser that lives in the mansion on the top of the hill, and no one can talk to him. | ||
| And you're miserable. | ||
| Yeah, and you can't go anywhere. | ||
| No, it sucks. | ||
| And everybody looks at you like, oh, that guy's got all that money. | ||
| I've got to figure out how to get his money. | ||
| Who do you want to be? | ||
| You want to be Ali? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Ali walks around any neighborhood he wants. | ||
| Well, I mean, he's dead, but when he did, no security now. | ||
| He can knock anybody out, but at the same time, if he just goes, hey guys, give me a second. | ||
| Even when he was older and he could barely walk, he would just go everywhere. | ||
| Anywhere you want. | ||
| People loved him. | ||
| Because they recognize... | ||
| Man, we want to follow, but we want to follow the worthy, so we'll test worthiness. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| So why these kids are so soft is... | ||
| The king takes power and then raises a bitch-ass son because he never had to take shit, right? | ||
| And he doesn't want his son to go through what he went through, right? | ||
| He's like, you know how hard it was to take this power? | ||
| I got one foot, you know what I mean? | ||
| I lost a foot in a power struggle, and now this son, everything's given to him. | ||
| It's like the spoiled prince in every movie. | ||
| You hate that fucking prince. | ||
| So I think the generation that's raising kids right now, spoiled princes. | ||
| The generation before that, Vietnam. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Like, they understood sacrifice war. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They understood the investment in the country. | ||
| And then the generation that came next was just handed shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Hey, everything's good. | ||
| Oh, war is just handled over there. | ||
| I don't got to get drafted. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| It's like, no, I almost think we should all be part of it, bro. | ||
| It's like a regret of mine that I didn't do some sort of service because... | ||
| It's like, how do you complain at all about the country that you didn't put your life on the line for? | ||
| There's a lot of countries that have mandatory service, and they have extreme levels of patriotism. | ||
| It's investment! | ||
| Like South Korea, for example. | ||
| They took Dong Yong Kim. | ||
| Was it... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No. | ||
| Who was it? | ||
| Sam Sun Jung. | ||
| That's who it was. | ||
| The Korean zombie. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| He took him out of his prime, and he had to do two years of service in the Korean Army. | ||
| David Robinson, basketball player, had to do that Navy time. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Joe, you understand, because we're so detached. | ||
| And I don't hate on people for not realizing it because we are detached. | ||
| It's what we do. | ||
| Like, you know, some child slaves make the iPhone and, you know, we're like, I just go, you can only really be connected to what's in your world, direct world. | ||
| I'm cool. | ||
| That's life. | ||
| It is what it is. | ||
| There's really no good or bad things just are, you know what I mean? | ||
| So it's like, that's something to get to, but it is what it is, right? | ||
| Well, they were trying to do an ethical phone. | ||
| Remember that phone? | ||
| What was that phone called again? | ||
| They were putting together some ethical Android phone. | ||
| Man, come on. | ||
| Fair phone. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It wasn't fair. | ||
| Nobody bought it. | ||
| Fuck that. | ||
| It was expensive. | ||
| I don't think it's more expensive. | ||
| They have a Fairphone, too? | ||
| Pull that bitch up. | ||
| Let's see what we got. | ||
| Let's see if it can fuck with... | ||
| I'm trying to get off the Apple tit. | ||
| I told you I got this Galaxy Note 9. You're going to come back, bro. | ||
| Don't say that, bro. | ||
| You're going to come back, bro. | ||
| Look how beautiful that screen is. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| Yeah, but that shit is... | ||
| Look at everything. | ||
| It's always freezing. | ||
| The picture's all pixelated and shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No! | |
| That's not true. | ||
| That's not true. | ||
| Come on, bro. | ||
| I got a pen. | ||
| This has a pen. | ||
| A modular phone that's built to last. | ||
| What does that mean? | ||
| That you can attach it to it? | ||
| A modular phone that's built to last. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| So you can add little things. | ||
| Oh, that's going to break. | ||
| Definitely not. | ||
| That can't be waterproof. | ||
| It says batteries. | ||
| Are those batteries? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, probably. | |
| You can replace the battery? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That's ridiculous. | ||
| Remember when you used to be able to replace batteries? | ||
| You used to pop out the back of your phone? | ||
| Batteries, bro. | ||
| Yeah, I had a Samsung Galaxy 7 or some shit. | ||
| Remove a little battery. | ||
| Android 7. This motherfucker's got Android 9! | ||
| You need to catch the fuck up! | ||
| Nah, bro. | ||
| What else? | ||
| Fair materials? | ||
| Look, there's a white lady in the front. | ||
| How fair. | ||
| Three black guys who are working for her. | ||
| What the fuck is fair about that picture? | ||
| If you're going to have fair materials, how about you have white guys in their 50s working in a factory and not Chinese babies? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yo. | |
| Right? | ||
| What the fuck is this? | ||
| We do have to acknowledge, though, that, like... | ||
| Do you know what I mean? | ||
| I mean, make it fair. | ||
| Make all these people who want to buy iPhones and you want to have your iPhone built by some Asian slave, how about you work for a year in a factory? | ||
| It's like the army. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You want an iPhone? | |
| Put the time in. | ||
| But we should acknowledge that white women really kind of are superheroes in that way. | ||
| White women? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How so? | ||
| Because they're the only people who care about the environment, the only people who care about animals, the only people who build wells in Africa. | ||
| No, my friend Justin Wren builds wells in the Congo. | ||
| He's a 6'3". | ||
| Tranny. | ||
| He's a Bellator fucking top 10 heavyweight. | ||
| Ask him... | ||
| Who are the people helping him? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's Rebecca, Katie, Phyllis. | |
| No, no, no. | ||
| Phyllis might be too old. | ||
| He's got a lot of women that do work for him, but a lot of men that work for him, too. | ||
| White women love this shit, bro. | ||
| They love this shit. | ||
| They're getting it hard right now because I think they're tired of coming at white men, so they're looking for the next... | ||
| When the grease is boiling, you got to throw someone in it. | ||
| But when you want to talk about humanitarians... | ||
| Right. | ||
| Like, who gets fucked by more races than white women? | ||
| True. | ||
| Like, this is really... | ||
| True. | ||
| True. | ||
| Except, who gets the short end of the stick there? | ||
| Is that a penis-sized joke? | ||
| No. | ||
| Asian women. | ||
| No, I'm sorry. | ||
| I was saying Asian men. | ||
| Asian men probably fuck the smallest percentage of different races. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| In America, at least. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| I don't know how they rock it in other countries. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| I think they have some Tinder. | ||
| They did some Tinder study that showed that. | ||
| That is a weird thing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because to Asian women, no problem at all. | ||
| But to other ethnicities. | ||
| It's weird that it's not made to size, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How so? | ||
| Like, you would think that it's made to size, like Lego. | ||
| Like little tiny women would be into... | ||
| No, just like vagina would be like... | ||
| I've never thought that Asian pussy was that much smaller than black pussy. | ||
| Have you done a lot of work? | ||
| I've done research, you know? | ||
| I have empirical evidence, you know? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Well, you know, it doesn't make 100% sense. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| But... | ||
| I've met girls that were tiny that you could not fuck hard enough. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They just open up. | ||
| But not just that. | ||
| It's just like they want it like that. | ||
| They want savage. | ||
| They want to get fucking smashed. | ||
| Why do you think that is? | ||
| Because I think they realize that they're tiny. | ||
| They have small genes. | ||
| So they want to get savage genetics inside them so they have survivor children. | ||
| I really believe that. | ||
| I think it only makes sense. | ||
| Some of the horniest girls I've ever dated in my life weigh about 104 pounds. | ||
| And these big brand of Tarts chicks want it real soft. | ||
| No, they want a nice beta male. | ||
| Because they know that those other little girls are fucking giant dudes. | ||
| And they're going to make a normal sized kid. | ||
| And they're going to keep going. | ||
| It's a never ending battle for genetics. | ||
| Dude, it really is fucked. | ||
| Oh, it's 100%. | ||
| It's a never ending battle of genetics. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So then why are these girls fucking these beta dudes, man? | |
| They're not. | ||
| If they do, they do it for a little while. | ||
| They barely fuck them. | ||
| They always say they have headaches. | ||
| Listen, I know a lot of beta dudes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Who has headaches? | |
| The dudes have headaches? | ||
| The girl does. | ||
| Like, I can't. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I have a headache. | |
| I go to sleep. | ||
| They don't want to fuck the guys. | ||
| Dude, I had a friend of mine who was dating a guy like that. | ||
| And she goes, I really like him. | ||
| I just do not want to fuck him. | ||
| I was like, wow. | ||
| Because why would you? | ||
| I was like, that was rough. | ||
| I'm like, what are you going to do? | ||
| Don't fuck them. | ||
| Dude, it's insane, man. | ||
| It's like, I see this all the time. | ||
| These hardcore, perceivably hardcore feminist chicks, they'll hear my comedy, which could be the opposite of that, and they're in the DMs saying, I don't know why I'm here. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I swear to God! | |
| I swear to God! | ||
| It's a trap house! | ||
| Exactly! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Dude, what is happening? | |
| Because I think feminism in general is a direct result of a failure by men to be fair. | ||
| And a failure by men to be actual men and to raise actual men who treat everybody with respect. | ||
| When men are abusing women, those men are bullies. | ||
| They're weak men. | ||
| The kind of man that would do that to a woman, that would physically abuse a woman, that's a weak man. | ||
| That's the type of man that would beat up a smaller man or take someone from someone with force. | ||
| It's insecure. | ||
| He needs to feel powerful. | ||
| He's a bitch. | ||
| Yeah, he's a bitch. | ||
| Right. | ||
| The antidote for that is to be a strong man. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Like, one of the things I've been telling people, like, this is how you fix bullying in school. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Teach them how to fight. | ||
| Not the bullies. | ||
| I mean, not just the victims, but the bullies themselves. | ||
| Teach everyone how to fight. | ||
| When they feel confidence that they can defend themselves, they don't have to... | ||
| You know the nicest fucking people in the world? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Martial artists. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You're right. | |
| You go and go to martial arts gyms. | ||
| Go to a jiu-jitsu gym. | ||
| I'll take you. | ||
| They're the fucking nicest people. | ||
| Yeah, because they know. | ||
| Hugging everybody and friendly. | ||
| And they're gonna choke each other half to death in about five minutes. | ||
| And before that, they're all fun, happy, playful. | ||
| They're so secure. | ||
| And outside of there, they're so secure and relaxed. | ||
| They're a different type of person. | ||
| Obviously, not all of them. | ||
| People are weird. | ||
| For the most part, yeah. | ||
| We vary wildly, right? | ||
| But almost always to a human, the mean ones, whether it's mean women or mean men, are weak. | ||
| Wildly insecure, yeah. | ||
| They're weak. | ||
| The mean women... | ||
| Women will tell you this. | ||
| If they work at an office and they've got a female boss that's a cunt, that is one of the worst fucking... | ||
| Because you can't even fuck her. | ||
| There's nothing you can do. | ||
| There's nothing you can do to make that bitch happy. | ||
| She wants to take from you. | ||
| She wants to squeeze your blood. | ||
| At least if you're cute and your boss is disgusting and he's a fucking asshole, you could flirt with him a little bit and you could maybe get him to like you more. | ||
| Don't do it. | ||
| Obviously don't do that. | ||
| But with the female boss, you have to have a personality. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You can't do shit! | |
| Shocking! | ||
| With the female boss, not even that. | ||
| A lot of women don't like women. | ||
| Right. | ||
| One of the things that I love more than anything is when I talk to women and they'll do this thing where they look around to make sure no one's looking, no one's around, and I go, look, I would never say this publicly, but some bitches are fucking crazy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's what we do with, like, racist shit. | |
| Didn't Burr have that bit about like, you look around and then you slide in? | ||
| The thing about these... | ||
| Yes! | ||
| Well, women feel like they've got momentum in this little war of ideas with the Me Too movement and Bill Cosby getting arrested and R. Kelly getting arrested and Harvey Weinstein. | ||
| In my opinion, and I bet you think this too, these are good things. | ||
| When shitty men... | ||
| Get put away or they get arrested for abusing people, whether it's they're physically abusing men or physically abusing women. | ||
| It's always good. | ||
| You shouldn't be physically abusing people. | ||
| Get them out of here. | ||
| We used to beat those guys up. | ||
| I mean, this is handled in the community when we were younger. | ||
| Teenagers. | ||
| Hey, blah, blah, blah, you know, was rough with this, whatever. | ||
| Who was rough? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| And we went over there. | ||
| Imagine if you were married and Harvey Weinstein tried to fuck your wife and she went in on an audition and you knew that there was all these security guards and all these fucking levels before you got to him and your wife got into that level and he was treating her like shit and being mean to her and telling her if you want to work in this town, you got to suck this little fat dick. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You'd be very, very, very angry. | |
| I'm shocked. | ||
| Didn't Brad Pitt try to step to him or something like that? | ||
| He did step to him, apparently. | ||
| And did he swing on him? | ||
| I don't know what he did. | ||
| I think he threatened him. | ||
| That's the other thing that's fucked up about this. | ||
| There's gonna be wine scenes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, these people are gonna exist. | ||
| Well, listen, man. | ||
| They still exist. | ||
| Yeah, they still do. | ||
| I was hearing about one last night. | ||
| I can't tell you. | ||
| Because I don't... | ||
| Wait, he's a television personality. | ||
| He's apparently a closeted homosexual. | ||
| Oh, and he's out there. | ||
| Yeah, and he's out there like... | ||
| With dudes. | ||
| Yeah, just... | ||
| Going hard. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| He's trying. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| He's trying and making him uncomfortable. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Really. | ||
| How well known? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bullshit. | |
| We'll talk later. | ||
| We'll talk later. | ||
| But what I'm saying is, they exist. | ||
| You want to tell me so bad? | ||
| They exist! | ||
| We gotta go talk to him afterwards. | ||
| There's crazy fuckers out there that are still rolling at old school. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| They want to get caught. | ||
| Gwyneth Paltrow, Brad Pitt threatened to kill Harvey Weinstein. | ||
| Yeah, but you gotta swing on him. | ||
| That's my man. | ||
| But you gotta swing on him, bro. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I believe it. | |
| You gotta leave some marks. | ||
| I believe it. | ||
| But it depends on what Harvey did versus if he grabbed her and did anything to her physically, then you gotta swing on him. | ||
| But if he just said something creepy and you tell him, I will take your fucking life. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| I'll take your life. | ||
| Well, I think the issue with these things is like we know we're going to have Weinsteins, but the people that protected Weinstein, like the second you complain about a guy for groping or doing something crazy, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| That woman is doing exactly what she's supposed to do. | ||
| She experienced some sexual assault and she's telling. | ||
| Now, if you silence her and shut her up, that's where the system falls apart. | ||
| So whoever is protecting him throughout, they got to go too. | ||
| Because that woman did exactly what she was supposed to do. | ||
| There's going to be Weinsteins throughout life, unfortunately. | ||
| That's the real question. | ||
| What about the support staff? | ||
| How many people? | ||
| All of them are almost... | ||
| They're not worse because they're not doing it, but they're so bad because they stripped the person who was assaulted from... | ||
| Not only equality, but they stripped her from life in a way. | ||
| They made that person go, oh shit, life isn't fair and I don't have a shot. | ||
| Do you know the expression diffusion of responsibility? | ||
| It comes when there's large groups of people that watch something and feel like someone's going to step in. | ||
| It's like that lady, Genovese's or something. | ||
| Remember that there was some woman who was getting raped in Queens and she was screaming for like 40 minutes and there was all these neighbors around like, yeah, I heard it, but I thought Ted was on it. | ||
| Oh, Jesus. | ||
| You didn't hear about this? | ||
| No. | ||
| I think Katie Genovese's or some shit. | ||
| It's an old story, but everybody's like, oh, they'll get it. | ||
| It's the same kind of thing. | ||
| Well, it's just how corporations work. | ||
| So if you're working for a corporation, the corporation's dumping pollutants into the river, you feel like, well, it's not my responsibility. | ||
| I just work here in accounting. | ||
| Somebody else is going to handle this. | ||
| And I think if you're working in the Weinstein company and you knew Harvey was out there slinging dick, first of all, In their defense, you probably didn't know the specifics, right? | ||
| Because it's like, oh, Harvey's a dog, he's always out there trying to fuck. | ||
| Well, that's sort of normal. | ||
| People have to understand this. | ||
| Why does a guy like that get rich? | ||
| Why does he get rich? | ||
| Is he like some patron of the arts who loves creating? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Maybe! | |
| Maybe! | ||
| Maybe there's a little bit. | ||
| Maybe he likes power. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| If you like power, why do you like that power? | ||
| What are you getting out of that power once you have a Ferrari, once you have a Mercedes, once you have a mansion? | ||
| What are you getting? | ||
| You're getting pussy, baby. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Pussy. | |
| That's what you're getting. | ||
| You're getting pussy. | ||
| And it's not even about the pussy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| It's about power. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| It's about power. | ||
| So much of this shit. | ||
| Like even these pedophiles, I don't even believe anybody's attracted to kids. | ||
| Well, they definitely are. | ||
| I don't believe it. | ||
| I believe they're attracted to power, and they're so wildly insecure that they need to be looked at like a god. | ||
| And children, when they look at you, somebody that they admire, something they truly look up to, etc., they can look at you in that godlike state. | ||
| And so I don't think it's a physical thing. | ||
| Like I was watching that abducted in plain sight. | ||
| He gets whacked off by the dad, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| What? | ||
| You didn't see this abducted in plain sight, bro? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Oh my god. | ||
| Bro, this guy, this pedophile destroys the whole family, bro. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, Jesus. | |
| To get to the daughter, he fucks the mom and dad. | ||
| What is this? | ||
| This is insane. | ||
| Is this on Netflix? | ||
| Netflix, yes. | ||
| And they censor comedy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I can't. | |
| Imagine that? | ||
| Imagine jokes. | ||
| Well, they don't censor comedy, though. | ||
| Who knows? | ||
| They don't. | ||
| They haven't censored mine. | ||
| You know what I'm saying. | ||
| But it's like, we're the bad guys, essentially. | ||
| But my point is... | ||
| That is a crazy story. | ||
| It's the dynamic of power. | ||
| People say the Catholic Church makes these people pedophiles. | ||
| No. | ||
| They have that thirst for power and they're going, who in my community has that amazing power where they're looking at him as this godlike figure? | ||
| Oh, it was the priest at our Catholic Church. | ||
| That sounds like an evil choice. | ||
| Let me give you an alternative perspective from psychologists. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| There's a thing called imprinting that happens with young men, in particular sexually. | ||
| It happens with young women as well, but one of the things that can happen is young men can be sexually molested by other men when they're young, and they develop this imprinting. | ||
| The vast majority of people who are abusers were abused themselves. | ||
| And there's some horrible hijacking of the psychology of the person when you're a six-year-old boy and some grown man has cock in your ass. | ||
| There's something about that. | ||
| That it fucks with their head, especially if it happens a lot and it becomes a part of your life and the guy's nice to you as well and buys you things and does things for you. | ||
| And then you get older and you, for whatever reason, perpetrate this same horror on other kids. | ||
| This is something that happens. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I think it's, maybe it's a combination of both, right? | ||
| Maybe you have that imprinting, right? | ||
| And then it creates this massive void that you need filled. | ||
| I think so much of everything that we do, everything that people do is about filling the void. | ||
| And what is it that you need the void filled with dictates how often, if you're evil, sometimes if you're good. | ||
| There are some people that are addicted to working out, right? | ||
| There's a void there. | ||
| They need it filled. | ||
| Some people are addicted to eating. | ||
| Those are the same addiction, essentially. | ||
| But... | ||
| One is a lot better to have than the other. | ||
| Even with Kanye, right? | ||
| I see Kanye as this guy who's just wildly insecure and he's trying to justify his coolness constantly by taking things that are not cool at all and making them cool within a community, within his community, right? | ||
| So it's like... | ||
| Everything Kanye does, like, down to, like, it started with, like, the wasp culture. | ||
| I'm gonna take, like, preppy New England, you know, polos that are pink and shit, and I'm gonna make that cool. | ||
| Now, before, the hip-hop community, I mean, I grew up in New York, we were like, yo, that's some gay shit, bro, what the fuck is that? | ||
| Now, Kanye wears this, like, nah, you gotta look fly in this, these pink waspy things in my khakis, whatever. | ||
| Then he takes grunge culture, right? | ||
| That's, fuck, have you seen the, right, the ripped sweater? | ||
| I'm so cool. | ||
| I'm so cool. | ||
| You think my community loves cool sneakers? | ||
| I'm gonna make dad sneakers cool. | ||
| And then what is the most uncool thing to his community? | ||
| What? | ||
| Trump. | ||
| And what does he try to make cool? | ||
| It's selfish. | ||
| It's all about him. | ||
| All he cares is about proving that he's that dude and he takes the most uncool thing and puts it on his head and he's like, yo, I'm going to make MAGA cool. | ||
| And that's when people are like, at least his community was like, nah, we're not going to play with that shit. | ||
| You know what I think? | ||
| I think, you know how like you have something that's supposed to take like 8 volts? | ||
| You have like a charger. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's supposed to take like 8 volts. | ||
| Like when you go to Europe and you plug your shit in? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, like when you plug something into the wall, like we have alternating current. | ||
| Like you could have something that takes way more amperage. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| I think Kanye has the wrong plug to the universe. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| And in a good way. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| Where that motherfucker's getting like 100 volts all the time. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| So he wants to deal... | ||
| Have you ever talked to him? | ||
| No. | ||
| I talked to him on the phone and it was a stream of consciousness that was so intense. | ||
| I was like, okay, now I get it. | ||
| I kind of go... | ||
| We had a long conversation. | ||
| He's a very nice guy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| We had a long conversation for like 15, 20 minutes on the phone, which is a long conversation these days on the phone. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Who the fuck talks on the phone anymore? | ||
| He does. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| But I think he's getting 100 volts, bro. | ||
| I think he's got design going through his head and new song lyrics and new fashion and all this. | ||
| And I think he's just catching whatever he can and holding on to it and wading through the waves. | ||
| To fill, though. | ||
| Joe, to fill. | ||
| There's a little bit of that, but with him, it's almost like affirming that he's okay. | ||
| Because he's so much different than everybody else. | ||
| Like Elon Musk, like a lot of other people. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| What's up? | ||
| When he used the Confederate flag, do you know about his statements on that? | ||
| He said that. | ||
| He used this in a quote. | ||
| What does he say? | ||
| Oh, react how you want. | ||
| Any energy is good energy. | ||
| The Confederate flag represented slavery in a way. | ||
| That's my abstract take on what I know about it, right? | ||
| So I wrote this song, New Slaves, took the Confederate flag and made it my flag. | ||
| It's my flag now. | ||
| What are you going to do? | ||
| Now what are you going to do? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right? | |
| How can I take my equity and see if I'm so dope? | ||
| But that's also his recognition that you can take something like the N-word and use it as a positive. | ||
| You could do anything. | ||
| I mean, look, if black people really decide... | ||
| I used to do this bit. | ||
| Okay, go. | ||
| I used to do this bit about... | ||
| Do you remember when... | ||
| The fucking Duck Dynasty guy, he was talking a lot of shit about gay people. | ||
| He was like, I don't understand it. | ||
| I don't understand it. | ||
| And I was like, look, I don't understand yellow cars. | ||
| I go, what the fuck is this shit if you understand it? | ||
| Why are you wasting all your time? | ||
| I go, you better be nice because I go, if you keep fucking with gay people, they're going to do something and they're going to do something and you're not going to be able to take it back. | ||
| Like, what if gay people decided to take over camo? | ||
| And the bit was like, look what they did to the rainbow. | ||
| I go, they fucking own the rainbow. | ||
| I go, you can't wear a rainbow shirt anymore. | ||
| Everybody's like, bah! | ||
| It used to be leprechauns and pots of gold. | ||
| Now it's dudes butt-fucking. | ||
| I go, all they would have to do is start off every gay porn in a duck blind. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's two dudes, two dudes in camo. | |
| Dick dynasty. | ||
| And you get the gayest black guy in the world and camo's like, something about duck hunting make me horny. | ||
| And some dude just drops in out of nowhere and pulls his camo down and starts sucking his dick. | ||
| If they just had all porno in camo, it would turn camo into a gay thing. | ||
| And if black people just went whole hog on the confederate, look at them. | ||
| They got camo wallpaper, son. | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| That's like some Annie Leibovitz shit, though. | ||
| That's like some Vanity Fair cover nonsense. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| You know, that's like some organized shoot. | ||
| Very meta. | ||
| Those are weird. | ||
| They know what they're doing, though. | ||
| These guys are smart. | ||
| They're playing dumb. | ||
| By the way, that's a shit pattern. | ||
| That's a bad camel pattern. | ||
| All ducks. | ||
| Is it ducks? | ||
| Ah, it's made out of the ducks. | ||
| Maybe it's theirs. | ||
| It might be their pattern. | ||
| I bet it is. | ||
| Well, in that case... | ||
| They're in a swamp. | ||
| It's like... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| You know? | ||
| The gay shit is like... | ||
| You know? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's just... | |
| It's not the climate for it, I feel... | ||
| Yo, it could be. | ||
| Don't you remember Deliverance? | ||
| Yeah, but it's like... | ||
| Squeal like a pig? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes! | |
| Remember that? | ||
| Yeah, but that was... | ||
| That was rape. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Game rape, though. | |
| It was game rape. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| Everybody says that rape is not sex. | ||
| It's about power. | ||
| Well, then they didn't do it right. | ||
| They also didn't get raped. | ||
| Someone's gonna fuck you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's definitely about power. | |
| I mean, power's a part of it for sure, but that guy's gonna fuck you, man. | ||
| You're getting fucked like, this ain't sex, bro, just so we're clear. | ||
| Bro, that guy is fucking you. | ||
| This is about sex and power. | ||
| I get it, you're not gay, but it's still sex. | ||
| People want it, man. | ||
| That's the thing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| I think the Kanye thing, like... | ||
| He's just a guy who thinks way different. | ||
| Like, for whatever reasons, the connections, that's one of the reasons why I think this Kim Kardashian relationship works so well. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| It's because, like, I bet she just handles normal, regular stuff, and he could just be Kanye. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Like, it seems like... | ||
| Does he think that different, bro? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| How different, bro? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Different. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How? | |
| Different. | ||
| You tell me. | ||
| Convince me. | ||
| Because the music is phenomenal. | ||
| Outside of that... | ||
| Okay, it's real simple. | ||
| Have you ever been locked up in a mental institution? | ||
| No. | ||
| He has. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They don't just lock you up, bro. | ||
| They never lock me up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You know, my wife never... | ||
| I never came home. | ||
| My wife has some fucking two gorillas that are in those lab suits that are staring at me. | ||
| I'm like, what's with the big guys? | ||
| Like, oh, these big guys are going to take you to a nice hospital. | ||
| Like, sir, we'd like to handle this quietly. | ||
| What? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah. | |
| The fuck? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm not going... | |
| You don't just go to the mental institute, bro. | ||
| They fucking Velcro you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But the mental institute doesn't mean that you're genius. | |
| There's a lot of crazy people who are just crazy. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Well, he's definitely crazy. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| But he's also, but he's brilliant. | ||
| See, the work that comes out of that crazy is genius work, right? | ||
| So what is it about him that allows him to be so prolific as an artist? | ||
| You ever notice how prolific he is? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| The guy's constantly working. | ||
|
unidentified
|
At music. | |
| Constantly banging out songs. | ||
| And they're... | ||
| He doesn't have bad albums. | ||
| No, he is phenomenal at music. | ||
| Without a doubt, phenomenal at music. | ||
| But this is all from this energy that's inside of him. | ||
| He figures out how to channel that energy and put it in good ways, but occasionally, it's also not a coincidence. | ||
| That when Kanye was on stage, I think it was in San Jose, and he said that he didn't vote, but if he was going to vote, he would have voted for Trump, and the crowd went crazy, and they booed the shit out of him, and then he canceled his tour, and then he went to the Mental Health Institute. | ||
| All that shit happened together because he felt the pain of this. | ||
| Then his response to that was to double down. | ||
| His response to that was to attribute qualities to Trump that he doesn't even really have. | ||
| And so Trump, in his... | ||
| In a lot of ways, very wise, the way he handles things socially. | ||
| He let Kanye come into the White House, wear that MAGA hat, and just rant up a storm. | ||
| Kanye could define who Trump was. | ||
| He could define what loving Trump meant. | ||
| He could define why black people should embrace Trump. | ||
| He could define all this in his head to sort of justify what went wrong with him. | ||
| And then Trump just sits there and goes like this and lets him talk. | ||
| And then he leaves and Trump goes, what the What the fuck was that about? | ||
|
unidentified
|
And he gets on the phone, calls his bitches, orders a pizza, gets his dick sucked. | |
| And this shit right here. | ||
| That's what this is. | ||
| Now look at that white lady with her arms crossed in the background. | ||
| Like, what in the fuck? | ||
| I need to make a weld. | ||
| Like, what the fuck am I watching? | ||
| Look at her face! | ||
| The blonde chick right there in the center. | ||
| Look at her face. | ||
| She's like, okay, what? | ||
| Her face says, okay, what? | ||
| And Kanye's like showing Donald Trump his phone. | ||
| Donald Trump's got his lips pursed. | ||
| Phone. | ||
| Amazing. | ||
| Look at Kushner. | ||
| Show me some lyrics. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look at a devious smile on Kushner's face right there, dude. | |
| Look at that shit. | ||
| How about that dude? | ||
| How about the black dude sitting there like, I can't believe I have to listen to this shit. | ||
| Look at that dude's face. | ||
| He's like, what in the fuck do I do when I get fired from here? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Because I know it's coming. | |
| I know it's coming. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, God. | |
| How about the dude in the back with the beard? | ||
| Look at the brother in the back. | ||
| He's like, man. | ||
| Nah, he's fucking up. | ||
| You gotta be fucking shitting me. | ||
| Ryan Gosling with the boom mic. | ||
| Oh, look at that guy! | ||
| Yes! | ||
| MAGA! All the way! | ||
| He's like, yes! | ||
|
unidentified
|
We made it! | |
| I can't wait to get on Gab and talk about this amazing meeting of the minds. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Has Trump reached out to you? | |
| Look at his face! | ||
| Has who? | ||
| Trump reached out to you? | ||
| No. | ||
| I'm friends with his son, though. | ||
| Like, text friends. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's a nice guy. | ||
| He's a hunter. | ||
| We know each other through mutual friends and one of our mutual friends who committed suicide. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| So I was like, you know. | ||
| But he's a nice guy. | ||
| I mean, I don't agree with a lot of things that a lot of people that I know agree with. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I think we're allowed to be reasonable and cordial with each other. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| What's the matter? | ||
| What are you laughing at? | ||
| What is this? | ||
| Jim Brown was also sitting at that table. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, Jim Brown! | |
| That's Jim Brown! | ||
| Look at him! | ||
| You know Jim Brown used to do the early commentary for the UFC? Really? | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| He used to wear one of them Africa hats. | ||
| Those traditional African hats. | ||
| He did my job for the UFC. UFC 1 and 2 or something. | ||
| Is he MMA savvy? | ||
| No, he's just a dude who knows how to fuck people up. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| He's Jim Brown, man. | ||
| Yeah, there was this... | ||
| Now the guy on his left, our left, to our left is Bill Superfoot Wallace. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| That's a world champion kickboxer from the 80s. | ||
| He's a legend in the kickboxing world. | ||
| There he is, Jim Brown. | ||
| I just started taking a couple kickboxing classes trying to learn kickboxing. | ||
| You got a good frame for it. | ||
| Yeah, I used to box, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
So it's like... | |
| First of all, it's nice to have something to want to get better at that has nothing to do with career. | ||
| That's really fun. | ||
| The interesting thing about the kicking aspect of it is when I would see guys learning how to box, the hook is a tough punch for people to get. | ||
| It's something you almost have to pop. | ||
| People try to throw it instead of let your body throw it. | ||
| That's who I am with kicks. | ||
| I feel... | ||
| Like the exact same person I've been trying to teach how to throw. | ||
| It's just my body doesn't want to let the legs go. | ||
| Does that make sense? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, for sure. | ||
| I'm not whipping. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know? | ||
| I can help you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah. | |
| I used to teach. | ||
| Yeah, I see that you do a lot of... | ||
| I could definitely help you with that. | ||
| Yeah, you know what the way to do it is? | ||
| You do it slow. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yeah, you do it slow and you don't try to hit anything hard. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| When you try to hit things hard, then you tense up and... | ||
| And you like fucking... | ||
| Everything's all herky-jerky and goofy. | ||
| The key to learning how to kick is to do it slow. | ||
| It's a big part of it. | ||
| You don't try to smash. | ||
| You just try to get your torque right. | ||
| Make sure you're pivoting off your bottom foot. | ||
| The support foot has to pivot almost with every kick. | ||
| Basically, yeah. | ||
| With every kick, your support foot pivots. | ||
| Support one is the one that I'm stepping out with. | ||
| The one that's standing on. | ||
| The one you're standing on. | ||
| That standing foot has to constantly pivot. | ||
| It has to go. | ||
| You have to be planted, but you also have to be able to move with it. | ||
| It's like a coordinated dance. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| That's why timing and kicks is so difficult, because you've got to... | ||
| Time it, and then you've got to twist your body in at the same time. | ||
| But everything's got to work in coordination. | ||
| It's got to work in concert. | ||
| Such a cool... | ||
| I think kickboxing's got to be the worst marketed sport in the world. | ||
| I know. | ||
| That's what I say. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Do you? | |
| It's the greatest sport. | ||
| It's the fucking best. | ||
| For stand-up fighting, it's the best one. | ||
| There's a company called Glory. | ||
| That's the Japanese one? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| They're American. | ||
| I'm sorry. | ||
| From the Netherlands? | ||
| I think they're from Holland. | ||
| Find out where they're from. | ||
| But they're international. | ||
| They do a lot of events here in America, right? | ||
| But they're on UFC Fight Pass, and I think they're on ESPN2. The headquarters are in Singapore. | ||
| Singapore. | ||
| Oh, that's interesting. | ||
| That's new. | ||
| They might have got bought out. | ||
| Could have moved there too. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| So, they're trying to do it. | ||
| Some of the best fucking fights you'll ever watch in your life. | ||
| I watched on, I have a, in my studio, in my gym, I have Apple TV and I'll watch Glory on, it's like an app on the UFC Fight Pass. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| And I'll watch it. | ||
| And some fucking amazing fights that most people don't know. | ||
| Because Dana White has a really good point. | ||
| In the 1980s, where that Bill Superfoot Wallace guy was fighting, he was actually before that. | ||
| He was in the late 70s and into the 80s. | ||
| There was a thing called PKA Karate, and it was on ESPN, and it was terrible. | ||
| And it was kickboxers who were basically not the best kickers and not the best boxers. | ||
| And then it was kind of goofy and clunky. | ||
| There's a few guys like Rick the Jet Rufus and some really popular guys who were really good that were also doing it at the same time. | ||
| But for the most part... | ||
| It was just terrible to watch. | ||
| It was boring as fuck. | ||
| And then you'd watch boxing, you'd see Mike Tyson at the same time. | ||
| So Mike Tyson's on TV, Marvin Hagler's on TV, and you're watching these guys, and these guys are like out of shape. | ||
| So it tainted the well a little bit, you're saying? | ||
|
unidentified
|
A lot. | |
| A lot. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And Muay Thai, for whatever reason, I mean, you go to Muay Thai events and they're rabid and it's like a very deep community of people that really understand and appreciate the sport. | ||
| They'll play the Thai music and they wear all the Mong Kong on their head. | ||
| They bow to their trainer. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And they're fucking throwing elbows and smashing it. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| And it's amazing to watch. | ||
| Same thing as kickboxing more or less? | ||
| It's the hardest. | ||
| It's the hardest of all of them. | ||
| More elite version of kickboxing. | ||
| Yeah, because it's elbows and knees and a lot of clinch work and a lot of dumping where they trip you and slam you to the ground and they kick you on the way down too. | ||
| They'll throw you into the ropes and if you're still on your way down, you get punted in the head. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, I mean, and it's legal. | ||
| It's a hard sport, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It is. | |
| As hard as it comes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| You feel like we could get people to get behind. | ||
| You would have to have some sort of an epic change in the way we view things. | ||
| But to me, it's way more exciting than football. | ||
| If those football players all decided to do Muay Thai, it would be better for their brains, believe it or not, to be a fighter. | ||
| And two, you would see these elite athletes fucking smashing each other like that. | ||
| So let's talk about that. | ||
| It'd be incredible. | ||
| I want to talk about it because I was talking to Brendan about this and Izzy. | ||
| Izzy came on one of my podcasts and we were talking about when are the elite- Who's Izzy? | ||
| Adesanya. | ||
| Oh, Israel. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| Oh, Stylebender. | ||
| Yeah, Stylebender. | ||
| Shots of Stylebender, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's the best. | |
| That's my guy, man. | ||
| I love him. | ||
| He's the beast. | ||
| He's a perfect example of the style that is so fucking exciting to watch. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| Well, so is his opponent. | ||
| He's fighting this dude. | ||
| Gastelum? | ||
| Yeah, Kelvin Gastelum, who is one of the elite of the elite out there as well. | ||
| Stryker? | ||
| Short, stocky, blasting striker. | ||
| Good wrestling, good grappling. | ||
| These wrestlers, I noticed these fucking wrestlers Toughest people in the world. | ||
| They're tough as fuck, but they have power. | ||
| It's a unique thing, because sometimes the jujitsu guys don't have power with the hands. | ||
| But these wrestlers, it seems like they all have power. | ||
| And I was asking some folks around, and they were like, it's core. | ||
| Some of them. | ||
| Yeah, some of them. | ||
| But like Ben Askren, who's probably one of the best wrestlers in the sport, doesn't have any power in his hands. | ||
| Does he even try? | ||
| Yeah, but he's just about getting you to the ground and fucking you up. | ||
| He just has such unbelievable confidence, and he should, he's undefeated, in his wrestling, that he just concentrates on absorbing whatever he can and grabbing you. | ||
| What is his... | ||
| I mean, maybe I'm just such a newbie to this, but I don't understand his leverage point. | ||
| What is his skill? | ||
| Is he so strong that his grip... | ||
| It's not just physical strength. | ||
| It's technique. | ||
| It's an understanding of it. | ||
| You've got to think of wrestling the same way you would think of chess. | ||
| If you only know a few moves, you're not going to beat a guy who knows all the moves. | ||
| He knows all the moves. | ||
| So once he's locked with you... | ||
| You defend. | ||
| And you think, oh, I'm going to dig in my hooks. | ||
| I'm going to pummel under here and I'm going to defend. | ||
| He already knows you're going to do that. | ||
| So he's shooting, waiting for you to pummel. | ||
| As you're pummeling, he's switching to the inside. | ||
| He's tripping you. | ||
| He's grabbing hold of your legs in this really awkward way. | ||
| He's rolling back because he knows your weight is going to be going in a certain direction. | ||
| He's anticipating several steps ahead, and he has international wrestling competition experience. | ||
| Which is just next level. | ||
| He's wrestling these guys from Russia and Iran and some of the best wrestlers in the world. | ||
| There's levels to this fucking thing. | ||
| Levels. | ||
| But the same you could say about Stylebender. | ||
| The thing about Stylebender is he's an elite kickboxer. | ||
| He lost the glory middleweight title in a very controversial decision to Jason Willness, who was one of the elite of the elite, one of the best guys out there. | ||
| So Stylebender competed at the highest level of one of the most difficult combat sports in the world. | ||
| And in that world, he's known as a precision artist. | ||
| In that world, he's a technician. | ||
| There's some guys that are just thugs. | ||
| They got a good low kick. | ||
| They get a good shell. | ||
| They throw bombs. | ||
| They're willing to brawl. | ||
| They know a few things. | ||
| They know how to pump the double jab and get that inside leg kick in. | ||
| Stylebender's a different animal. | ||
| He's switching stances on you. | ||
| He's hitting you with upward elbows. | ||
| Setting things up. | ||
| I noticed him with the feints, yes. | ||
| Dude, he fucks people up. | ||
| There's a video of him, the one when he went into God mode that I had on my Instagram that Lawrence Kenshin broke down. | ||
| Dude, Dude, he fucks people up, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| And he fucks people up in an artistic way, too. | ||
| The way he picks his shots, he just knows what you're going to do before you know what you're going to do, and he has several steps. | ||
| So he has that same level of skill that Ben Askren possesses in wrestling, he has in kickboxing. | ||
| What is more valuable than... | ||
| In an open fight. | ||
| This is it right here. | ||
| Like he's standing in front of this dude. | ||
| Watch. | ||
| He's setting him up, looking for the moves, waiting to see how the guy responds. | ||
| And then, watch this. | ||
| Slam. | ||
| And he walks away. | ||
| The walk-away KO. One of the most devastating psychological maneuvers of all time. | ||
| Yeah, he's a special guy. | ||
| But there's no one thing that's better. | ||
| What's the most effective form? | ||
| Wrestling. | ||
| Because the best wrestler can dictate where the fight takes place. | ||
| The best wrestler can get a hold of a guy and drag him down like Khabib Nurmagomedov, who might be the best fighter in the world. | ||
| He's the UFC lightweight champion, and what stands out about him is that he can get a hold of guys, and once he does, they can't do jack shit about it. | ||
| He's not the best striker in the world, but he's good enough so you have to be scared of him on the feet, because he dropped Conor McGregor. | ||
| I mean, he can tag you. | ||
| He can fuck you up. | ||
| He's got power. | ||
| He's knocked guys out. | ||
| But more importantly, that's to set up the clinch. | ||
| And then once he gets to the clinch, you're his! | ||
| Then you're going for a ride! | ||
| You're getting slammed, and then you're getting the fuck beaten out of you on the ground, and you're getting strangled. | ||
| And that's just how it goes. | ||
| But he has the full skill package. | ||
| Like, he can strike with you, he can submit you, but his grappling is what allows that to take place. | ||
| Now, with Stylebender, Stylebender's grappling allows him to stay up on the feet. | ||
| See, he's a very good grappler in terms of his ability to get back up and his ability to stuff to take down. | ||
| He's got the sprawl down or whatever. | ||
| Not just sprawl, but he gets the fuck out of there. | ||
| He pushes your head, he pops his legs out, he kicks back, and then he punishes you on the way out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Pop! | |
| Take that with you. | ||
| Yeah, great distance. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| I know this is different with the sports that involve legs, but you guys fight at a further distance. | ||
| Of course, you have to. | ||
| But it also makes you susceptible for counters in a way. | ||
| When Conor was fighting Floyd, my biggest concern for Conor was not speed or counterpunching. | ||
| It was the distance... | ||
| That you're going to be able to counter. | ||
| And when Conor caught Floyd, he caught Floyd a couple times in the beginning. | ||
| I think one was a left uppercut. | ||
| He caught Floyd. | ||
| That was shocking to me because I was surprised that he had boxing counterpunching speed. | ||
| The distance is half. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Compared to a kick sport, I would say if we're standing, what, two, three feet away from each other in kickboxing, it's one and a half in boxing. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So to cut that distance in half and still have the counter-punching ability was impressive. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean... | ||
| Well, he's done a lot of lower-level boxing in the gym. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know how it is. | |
| When you get up to that level, it's a different fucking game. | ||
| Floyd Mayweather's on a completely different planet than anybody else. | ||
| He's the greatest great of all time. | ||
| Meaning, I think he's better at boxing than Stephen Hawking is at astrophysics. | ||
| You might be right. | ||
| Look, he's 50-0. | ||
| It does count, even though it probably shouldn't. | ||
| I mean, it was a real boxing match, but it was a guy that had zero professional boxing matches. | ||
| But he did get tagged, Conor Kenpunch. | ||
| He's a good fighter. | ||
| He's a very good mixed martial arts fighter. | ||
| But the thing about Floyd is that Floyd is the best at not getting hit. | ||
| No one's better. | ||
| He's only been tagged, really tagged, like three times, four times in his whole career. | ||
| I can name him five times. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Sugar Shane Mosley. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Maidana, the end of the fourth round. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| The other ones are earlier. | ||
| Zab Judah, right hook. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, that's right. | |
| He actually dropped him. | ||
| Zab Judah was a wicked man. | ||
| He was great. | ||
| His dad was a kickboxer. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| He came from that, what is his name, something Judah, I forget his name, but all guys from, yeah, UL Judah, yeah. | ||
| And then DeMarcus Chop Chop Corley. | ||
| Oh, that's right. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I forgot him. | |
| And wobbled him. | ||
| Oh, yeah, that's right. | ||
| Yeah, it was, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, my pops was a massive boxing fan. | ||
| He used to go to Ali's. | ||
| He was a journalist back in the day. | ||
| He used to cover Ali in his fights. | ||
| That's why I came up generationally watching boxing. | ||
| Oh, that's awesome. | ||
| Yeah, dude. | ||
| It was some of the best moments. | ||
| You know what else Floyd has going for him that the best jiu-jitsu guys have going for him? | ||
| Is that he's not physically powerful. | ||
| Like, the best jujitsu guys are smaller people. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Because the smaller people learn how to use leverage and technique, and they can't muscle things. | ||
| Whereas if you're like a 250-pound gorilla, you're some big football player dude, and you're like, man, I want to learn some fucking jujitsu. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah. | |
| Like, you don't ever have to be on your back. | ||
| I was talking to Shaab about that. | ||
| I was thinking about doing jiu-jitsu again. | ||
| Because I was telling him I got back into it recently. | ||
| I'm really enjoying it. | ||
| And he's like, I don't know. | ||
| I go, just roll off your back, man. | ||
| To be a big guy with a guard? | ||
| No big guys have guards. | ||
| It's so rare. | ||
| Because big guys just get little guys on the ground and they have a nasty top game. | ||
| But then when they find themselves on their back, a lot of them are turtles. | ||
| They don't know what to do. | ||
| It's a technique thing. | ||
| A little guy has to learn perfect precision technique because they don't have that extra size or power. | ||
| It's like being a point guard in the NBA. Floyd has weak hands. | ||
| He's broken his hands many times. | ||
| And even though he's capable of knocking guys out, it's with precision. | ||
| He's not going to knock you out like a John the Beast Mugabe would or a Francis Ngannou would or a real power puncher, a Joe Smith. | ||
| There's guys who just fucking get you to the cage or against the ropes and just smash. | ||
| Uncanny. | ||
| Some of these guys, it's just raw power. | ||
| Floyd is all precision and he's all... | ||
| One of the most fun things for me is watching Floyd in the first round and watching him take away your life. | ||
| I like to see him take away a fighter's confidence. | ||
| He knew that Mosley... | ||
| Was gonna get off with the jab, or at least he knew Mosley thought that he was gonna get off with the jab. | ||
| And there's a moment, even in the first round, I know he gets tagged with that overhand right, but there's a moment where Mosley pops the left jab, and Floyd sees it, steps back slightly, and then comes straight over at the right. | ||
| In that moment, you could see Shane know that there's nothing he can do. | ||
| Because Floyd has timed the jab, And countered it directly. | ||
| So now your jab is done. | ||
| Now I've lopped off one of your arms. | ||
| I've literally just cut it off. | ||
| Now you've got to open up with the right. | ||
| You're not going to do anything to me. | ||
| Just straight right. | ||
| I mean, I've got the Philly shell. | ||
| It's over. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| It's like seeing him take pieces away from a fighter. | ||
| I love fucking Floyd, man. | ||
| Well, he learned how to box at a super young age, too. | ||
| And his dad was a wizard. | ||
| His dad, when he was young, fought Sugar Ray Leonard in a very good fight when Sugar Ray was in his prime. | ||
| Good pedigree, man. | ||
| Comes from good pedigree. | ||
| They know how to do it. | ||
| They're smart fighters. | ||
| His uncles, Roger Mayweather, the Black Mamba. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| His brother was a motherfucker, man. | ||
| I used to love watching his brother fight. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Or his uncle, rather. | ||
| I used to love watching his uncle fight. | ||
| He would fight on ABC, whatever television shows were having boxing on television during the day. | ||
| Maybe it was ABC. | ||
| I don't remember. | ||
| But yeah, that family, he grew up boxing. | ||
| And he also got to see the things that people do wrong. | ||
| You know? | ||
| And here's another thing that Floyd has going for him. | ||
| Conditioning. | ||
| Unfathomable. | ||
| He's always in tremendous shape. | ||
| Always. | ||
| Just always in shape. | ||
| I think it's a hustle when you see him eating the McDonald's and shit. | ||
| No, he eats that shit. | ||
| He eats that shit. | ||
| You think? | ||
|
unidentified
|
100%. | |
| Regularly? | ||
| 100%. | ||
| Really? | ||
| You could eat that shit. | ||
| It's just carbohydrates. | ||
| It's just bullshit. | ||
| The thing about that, like either eating sugar or like he'll drink a soda after a workout. | ||
| He's working out for two and a half hours. | ||
| So you can take some sugar. | ||
| Dude, not only can you take some sugar. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You need it. | |
| There's an argument that that kind of sugar is not bad for you after you have a brutal workout. | ||
| Dude, we did this Sober October challenge. | ||
| Shout out to Ari, man. | ||
| Dude, Ari looks phenomenal. | ||
| So fucking freak. | ||
| When I saw him in New York, I was like, dude, you had abs? | ||
| I knew that Ari was going to be my biggest competition, too. | ||
| Because he looks so tired in his face. | ||
| Like, his head is just exhausted. | ||
| Yeah, he's like Eeyore. | ||
| So tired. | ||
| So tired of this bullshit. | ||
| But his body was fucking shredded. | ||
| He got shredded. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What is this? | ||
| Chad Johnson, he always eats McDonald's and he's doing it while he's working out right here. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, dude, you can do that. | ||
| It's all in how much you exercise. | ||
| Now, that's not all he eats. | ||
| Obviously, he's eating healthy food on top of that, but if he feels like fucking off and getting a Big Mac, he can do that, and there's no performance benefit or no penalty. | ||
| You can do it. | ||
| So when Floyd does that, he is doing that. | ||
| He really is eating that nonsense. | ||
| Is Chad still working out? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He loves it. | ||
| What does he do? | ||
| Just for exercise? | ||
| Just for fun? | ||
| He fucking loves it. | ||
| 22 miles an hour. | ||
| It's his comedy. | ||
| What does he do with himself these days? | ||
| So what he'll do is, I mean, he'll like play guys in FIFA online. | ||
| He's a great follow on Twitter. | ||
| It's hilarious. | ||
| Oh yeah, I follow him. | ||
| It's like a girl will post a picture and then he'll say what's wrong with the picture. | ||
| Like, she'll be smoking hot and be like, yeah, but your shades are $30. | ||
| Like, you know, don't put so much money into your outfit when the blinds in your house are $30. | ||
| Like, he'll just nitpick little things. | ||
| Like, dude, he's hilarious. | ||
| But his, um, my guesstimation is, um, this is his comedy. | ||
| Like, remember you saying? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| He used to sleep at the arena, or at least at the stadium. | ||
| When he played, he was obsessed with it. | ||
| He loved the sport. | ||
| He was talking about fighting Anderson Silva at one time. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, no, no. | |
| He's crazy. | ||
| He was talking about fighting Anderson when he was in his prime. | ||
| I think he has martial arts skill, though. | ||
| I'm not bullshitting. | ||
| Nice little southpaw, actually. | ||
| He's got a great frame for it. | ||
| Let me see if you can find him hitting the pads or hitting the bag. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because I think he has real martial arts skill. | ||
| Like, legit martial arts skill. | ||
| Well, that's the question. | ||
| It's like, when are these elite athletes going to enter MMA? Damn. | ||
| Well, they are, but in small numbers. | ||
| Who's the first? | ||
| Well, Jon Jones is absolutely an elite athlete. | ||
| But he's got a 20-inch vertical. | ||
| Uh, yeah. | ||
| So it's like, how elite? | ||
| He's got small calves, but the fact that he has those small calves allows him to be 6'4 and 205 pounds. | ||
| Right, you're saying if he was bottom heavy, he'd be 250. Yeah, he'd be a different weight, which he could be. | ||
| He could be a heavyweight. | ||
| He could bulk up and go up to heavyweight. | ||
| But he's got weird calf genetics. | ||
| His calves are tiny. | ||
| But the thing is, you don't have to jump that much in MMA. And he can hit you in the face with a flying knee. | ||
| But what he knows how to do and what he can do physically in terms of his wrestling and his ability to close the distance and smash guys and time people, he's an elite athlete. | ||
| I mean, I think he could have done that. | ||
| His two brothers play NFL. Here he is. | ||
| There you go. | ||
| Here's Chad. | ||
| Sparring a little bit. | ||
| But he's in blue, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Still can't be touched, he says. | ||
| Well, he's a southpaw, so let's see this. | ||
| Stay away from Anderson Silva. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| He's got good head movement. | ||
| Good head movement. | ||
| Yeah, for sure. | ||
| I like the way he moves. | ||
| Hands down, though. | ||
| Ridiculous. | ||
| See, the dude he's sparring, though, we don't know shit about him. | ||
| That guy might be terrible. | ||
| You know, I mean, the guy didn't once try to go to the body. | ||
| He didn't duck in. | ||
| You know, when someone's moving their head around like that, just smash their ribs. | ||
| You go right after the body. | ||
| Just go after the arms. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Hit those arms. | ||
| That's what they try to do with Floyd, man. | ||
| Yeah, good luck. | ||
| Yep. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Good luck. | |
| No flaws in the game. | ||
| No, no flaws. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's the thing. | |
| It's like, you can't point one thing. | ||
| It's like we were talking about with Ben Askren. | ||
| That when a guy is a super elite wrestler... | ||
| You think you're going to do something, but he knows you think you're going to do something. | ||
| So he does it. | ||
| You do what you are going to do. | ||
| He anticipates what you're going to do. | ||
| He has an answer to that. | ||
| And then you have to regroup, and he's already moving on to step three. | ||
| There's too many steps that he's ahead of you. | ||
| Can there be a guy with him that you don't engage on the ground? | ||
| You just kind of jab, stay on the outside? | ||
| Does stay on the outside exist in MMA? Yeah, for sure. | ||
| You're going to move forward and try to grab a hold of him. | ||
| And you're just going to eat knuckle sandwich after knuckle sandwich. | ||
| And he's going to slowly chop at your legs. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whack! | |
| And you're going to feel that low calf kick. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whack! | |
| You're going to feel the inside of your thigh shit. | ||
| You're going to try to walk off the pain. | ||
| You'll switch stances because it starts to hurt. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whack! | |
| He recognizes you're switching stances. | ||
| He attacks the other leg. | ||
| Now both your legs are fucked up. | ||
| He comes down the middle with a knee to the solar plexus. | ||
| Now you're hurting. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Try to play it off. | ||
| It's just a matter of doing his game. | ||
| In Stylebender's game, his game is keep the fight standing, fuck you up. | ||
| And then Ben Askren's, it's grab ahold of you, fuck you up. | ||
| Drag you to the ground, fuck you up. | ||
| It's a matter of who's better at the weak aspect of the other person's game. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How can I take advantage? | ||
| No one can be the best at everything. | ||
| MMA math is a notoriously difficult thing to do. | ||
| Say if Jamie beats me, but I beat you, but you beat Jamie. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, that happens. | ||
| That's MMA math. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| But we always say that with, like, you know, styles make fights. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| But it doesn't work with Floyd. | ||
| See, in boxing, that styles make fights only goes so far. | ||
| With MMA, it's because the sport's more comprehensive, because there's more... | ||
| There's more skills. | ||
| There's more different things happening. | ||
| It's football compared to basketball. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| There's more tools that can be used in here that can offset what's going on. | ||
| Whereas basketball, the Warriors are going to beat any team four out of seven games. | ||
| That's just going to happen. | ||
| I don't know shit about basketball or football, so I'm just guessing. | ||
| You could be a superstar. | ||
| There's no one position in football that can change the game. | ||
| What about the quarterback? | ||
| I think a quarterback is overrated, to be honest. | ||
| I think the most important position is the offensive-defensive line. | ||
| Well, I'm always amazed at Tom Brady's body. | ||
| How regular it is? | ||
| Super regular. | ||
| Super regs. | ||
| Super regular. | ||
| But they get it. | ||
| That team gets it. | ||
| I think Tom Brady's like 15th highest paid quarterback in the league. | ||
| Right, but if you look at an elite athlete's body, I want to see a dude who's built like Kamaru Usman, the UFC welterweight champion. | ||
| That's an elite athlete. | ||
| You look at him and you go, oh yeah. | ||
| But he's not an elite athlete. | ||
| Looks like a UFC champion. | ||
| He's not an elite athlete. | ||
| When you hit, well, greatest quarterback of all time. | ||
| Whoa, can't wait to see this guy without a shirt on. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What does he look like? | |
| Your father. | ||
| That's my dad! | ||
| You know what he looks like? | ||
| A Tom. | ||
| He looks like Tom Brady. | ||
| That's exactly what the fuck he looks like. | ||
| He has his own body. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, what makes that guy so special? | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's the thing. | |
| It's like, sometimes... | ||
| Something's going on. | ||
| Yeah, he's up here, and I think he's got a lot of it up here, and he works hard. | ||
| It's like, you know, sometimes the greatest aren't the greatest. | ||
| Pull up a picture of him next to Kamaru Usman. | ||
| You know what it is? | ||
| It's like sometimes having all the natural tools is to your detriment. | ||
| There he is. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, bro. | |
| Come on, son. | ||
| Simple. | ||
| Yeah, like a leopard. | ||
| Yeah, he's ready. | ||
| Yeah, Ben Askren's similar too. | ||
| Yeah, he's got a little muffins. | ||
| He's got a little muffin on him. | ||
| Yeah, a little bit. | ||
| Ben Askren's got even worse. | ||
| Pull up a picture of Ben Askren. | ||
| Why doesn't he come down and wait, Ben Askren? | ||
| Because he doesn't want to. | ||
| And he's got it like that? | ||
| I don't give a fuck. | ||
| He feels like he's so much better as a wrestler that everybody else is fucked. | ||
| Give me an image of Ben. | ||
| Yeah, go to his abdomen. | ||
| Yeah, look at that. | ||
| I mean, he's got abs, obviously, underneath that. | ||
| That's from 1FC. He looks even worse now. | ||
| Yet winning. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There he goes. | ||
| I mean, that is not the ideal male combat body. | ||
| You would think that's not what the ideal combat body looks like. | ||
| But he'll fuck shit up. | ||
| Yeah, there's a picture of him with Kamaru Usman there, but he's got his shirt on. | ||
| Yeah, Usman is insane. | ||
| Lucky for him. | ||
| But like, this is just some guys that like, okay, Francis Ngannou is a perfect example. | ||
| Some guys look like a destroyer. | ||
| They just look like a destroyer. | ||
| Ngannou is like 6'5", 200, maybe more than 6'5". | ||
| Sometimes those guys, like I think you were saying earlier about the jujitsu, right? | ||
| And it's not just in this, it's in anything. | ||
| It's like sometimes the guys with all the natural ability, they don't have the... | ||
| The work ethic to be the greatest because it comes so easy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We all know comics that are so funny hanging out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| And they're okay on stage. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| And I think it's because comedy comes so easy to them. | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| They don't hit the gym. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| You need that Jordan, almost sociopathic approach to it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We were having this conversation earlier. | ||
| It's like... | ||
| Do you think Jordan's happy? | ||
| I don't think he's happy. | ||
| Remember when he was abducted into the Hall of Fame? | ||
| Bro, I thought you were about to tell me he was abducted in plain sight. | ||
| And I was like, bro, if this guy fucks Jordan too, he is the GOAT. Do you remember when he was inducted into the Hall of Fame and he was talking about writers? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah! | |
| He was talking shit about writers. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck yeah! | |
| He wasn't thanking his coaches and his teammates and it's been an amazing ride and I feel so blessed and fortunate. | ||
| No, he's still like, fuck you. | ||
| Remember when you said that? | ||
| Fuck you. | ||
| 1993! | ||
| Your Sports Illustrated issue! | ||
| You said my shoes look shitty! | ||
| Yeah, well... | ||
| But that's his furnace, right? | ||
| Some people need that as a furnace. | ||
| They need that competitive drive. | ||
| I feel like that happens when you don't derive joy from what you do. | ||
| You derive joy from the outcome. | ||
| You're obsessed with outcome. | ||
| At least for me, Everything before was outcome, right? | ||
| It was like, I'm good if I get a special. | ||
| I'm good if I'm doing these things. | ||
| Or I'm good if I kill. | ||
| And the second I was stripped of the opportunity to do those things, I actually found I loved creating more. | ||
| And then whatever the outcome was, was extra. | ||
| Does that make sense? | ||
| Right, yeah. | ||
| I think it's a happier path. | ||
| I think so too. | ||
| But I don't know if it's the path to greatness as much as the path of the psychopath. | ||
| Especially when it comes to competitive sports. | ||
|
unidentified
|
100%. | |
| Something about the best athletes, they all have, they have a fucking self-loathing, and they also have an ego, and they have this anger towards the competition. | ||
| Like, if you beat them, they would say that if you beat Jordan at a game of pool, yeah, anything, fucking hate you for two months. | ||
| Or playing again. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But he needs it, right? | ||
| It's because he operates on, I'm not good enough, and if I beat you, then he goes, alright, I was good enough. | ||
| I don't even know if it's that he thinks he's not good enough, is that he knows he can get you. | ||
| Don't quit, motherfucker. | ||
| I'm gonna get you. | ||
| But why does he need to get you? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| He needs to because it's like he needs to confirm something. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| Right? | ||
| I need to confirm. | ||
| It's constant confirmation. | ||
| I need to confirm on that. | ||
| Confirm. | ||
| Confirm, confirm. | ||
| It's not that he doesn't believe he's great. | ||
| It's that he wants to confirm it constantly. | ||
| There's a little shadow of a doubt. | ||
| He's like, I'm great. | ||
| I'm great. | ||
| He's walking around. | ||
| I'm great. | ||
| And there's a little voice in his head that's going, hey, you might not be that great. | ||
| How about when he played baseball? | ||
| That motherfucker wanted to prove you're the hardest thing in sports, hitting a baseball. | ||
| It's the hardest fucking thing. | ||
| And he just jumped from basketball to baseball. | ||
| People act like he was trash. | ||
| He wasn't even that bad. | ||
| He hit like 250. 302. The baseball card I'm looking at says he was 302. But it might be for 185 out of 615 at-bats. | ||
| Bro, we're talking about the hardest thing in sports is hitting a fucking baseball. | ||
| The fact that he... | ||
| I mean, there's a bunch of rumors on why he even went into baseball in the first place. | ||
| But, like, it's that psychopathic mentality. | ||
| Some people say it's gambling. | ||
| Some people say, you know, there's a bunch of different things I don't want to put out there because I don't know. | ||
| But, like, it's one of those... | ||
| I think there is a balance, man. | ||
| I think that you could... | ||
| I think if you truly love what you do, like if you love the creative aspect, and then you have high standards for yourself, then you can achieve both. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think that achieving quote-unquote greatness and living with misery, I don't think that's worth it. | ||
| No. | ||
| I don't think that's worth it for you. | ||
| It's like, you got one shot at this, man. | ||
| Like, this life, man. | ||
| Like, you got one shot at it. | ||
| Try to figure the fuck out. | ||
| And it takes time to figure the fuck out, but... | ||
| And it's one of those things you can't even really explain to people, but if you can... | ||
| I'm approaching this point in my life where like, yeah, I think I get it. | ||
| Does that make sense? | ||
| How old are you now? | ||
| 35. Yeah. | ||
| And like... | ||
| My buddy explains it like this. | ||
| He's like, there's these different phases in life. | ||
| And none of them is better or worse than the other, but there's this vegetable phase where you're just going to work and then you're coming home. | ||
| And you don't think about anything. | ||
| Then there's the why phase, which is what gets us into comedy, a lot of us. | ||
| We start asking why. | ||
| Just about stupid shit. | ||
| Why do I have to have breakfast in the morning? | ||
| Whatever it is, which is why. | ||
| And then there's the phase which... | ||
| A lot of the discussions on this show and a lot of comedy operates is, which is everything is and isn't. | ||
| Not everything is or isn't. | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| It's like where you operate and why people are drawn to this, right? | ||
| And why people are drawn to maybe my stand-up and other things is we're shaking the foundation of the world. | ||
| We're showing that the world isn't one way. | ||
| You're not either good or bad. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Everybody and everything is both. | ||
| The MAGA hat is so offensive to women, right? | ||
| Because it stands for these offensive things. | ||
| It's like, well, what about the Viking helmet? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, they did some fucked up shit to women, didn't they? | ||
| Right. | ||
| We wear that every Sunday for Vikings games. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And then people go, all right, so two things can be true. | ||
| Or two things can be false, you know? | ||
| And, like, that place where, like, fucking comedy lives. | ||
| Nuance. | ||
| Where comedy lives and, like, conversation lives, you know? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That is an amazing place that not everybody gets to. | ||
| Well, that's what's so offensive about progressive fake comedy is that they're pretending the world's binary. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes! | |
| It's one and zero. | ||
| And you have to punch up. | ||
| All comedy is punching up. | ||
| I had a conversation with this guy who wrote a book once. | ||
| Because there's no gray. | ||
| There's no gray. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right? | |
| It's black or white. | ||
| Right. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So, without gray, they don't even believe there's gray. | |
| Like, you and I take for granted that we understand there's gray. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We truly believe. | ||
| Understand it. | ||
| We truly get it. | ||
| And that's why we can have a conversation about maybe some of the most vile things and try to put context into it. | ||
| Or nuance, as you were saying. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know what I'm saying? | |
| Yes. | ||
| That conversation, tons of people are going to write comments, you motherfuckers are this. | ||
| And then the other side is going to go, you motherfuckers are that. | ||
| It's so problematic that you're talking about this. | ||
| So why can we do that? | ||
| What makes us able to do that? | ||
| What do we understand about the world that allows us to do that? | ||
| And how do we... | ||
| You can't tell people things, you have to show them. | ||
| How can we show that? | ||
| Humor. | ||
| I think that's it. | ||
| I think that's why we're the first person's killed when a dictatorship takes over. | ||
| The comedians? | ||
| Yeah, the philosophers, comedians. | ||
| Anybody who goes, hey, look at the world this way, get them the fuck out of here. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Stop mocking shit. | ||
| Stop making people think a little bit. | ||
| Well, also, the thing about comedy is I've always said that if you can make someone laugh about something, you force them to think about it. | ||
| If you're just on stage spouting your opinions, like one of the real problems that I have with a lot of what they're calling comedy, where they're just waiting for a Applause breaks when you say something. | ||
| Clapter. | ||
| Intersectional ideas must be approached with the same... | ||
| They're abusing comedy. | ||
| I know what you're doing. | ||
| What they're doing is their time. | ||
| They can do whatever the fuck they want with it, but I know the difference. | ||
| It's a hack. | ||
| They've figured out a way to make a shortcut. | ||
| But it's not stand-up. | ||
| It's something else. | ||
| It's like you're just expressing opinions. | ||
| But... | ||
| If you're just on stage saying your opinions on things, I can be in the audience going, well, I don't agree with that. | ||
| I have a different opinion. | ||
| But if you're on stage saying something that makes me laugh even though I don't agree with your philosophy... | ||
| Bullfighting. | ||
| Yeah, that's when it gets you. | ||
| If you're a hardcore Republican Trump supporter and someone does a joke about Trump that makes you fucking laugh, you're like, God damn it, he got me. | ||
| This motherfucker got me. | ||
| That's the game. | ||
| The second you tell me I can't joke around about something, that's what I want to joke around about. | ||
| Now you just gave me the bull. | ||
| And there's this thing in bullfighting where if you put a little bull out there, the crowd boos. | ||
| Oh, right, because they want a dangerous bull. | ||
| Yes, it's not fair. | ||
|
unidentified
|
True. | |
| And that's how comics feel when we see you doing easy jokes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| We're booing. | ||
| We don't say it out loud, but in our head we're like, yes, they're all going to laugh at a joke about how women are smarter than men. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because there's a bunch of dudes trying to get pussy that are at that show with the girl they're trying to get pussy from. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, so it's like... | ||
| How do you... | ||
| It's putting... | ||
| It's that world where it operates in. | ||
| And then the next thing is, I think, which I'm not there yet, but I get glimpses. | ||
| It's like, from nothing comes everything. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Like, for me, I remember for the show in the Comedy Store in LA when you walked in, like, that was crazy for me. | ||
| Because, obviously, any comic, you're, you know, watching this show and you're seeing, and you're like, man, it would be so cool one day to be on Joe Rogan's podcast, right? | ||
| And then, but it was nothing I would ever ask for. | ||
| Because I stopped asking. | ||
| I stopped feeling entitled to anything. | ||
| I just decided... | ||
| Like when you walked in, I was like, this is awesome. | ||
| Because I never expect. | ||
| See what I'm saying? | ||
| I only do the shit that I want to do because I can control that. | ||
| And if I just worry about expecting or wanting shit that I can't control, I'll be miserable. | ||
| So... | ||
| And you walked in and you did the fucking show and you're like, hey, I heard some good stuff and I want to check it out. | ||
| And I was like, that's fucking unreal. | ||
| And I was overwhelmed because I never expected shit. | ||
| And even in that moment, I wouldn't ask you to come on. | ||
| And I didn't care if I didn't come on. | ||
| I didn't give a fuck because I was so... | ||
| Grateful that that had happened. | ||
| It was almost like I was just true to comedy and all I wanted to do was good comedy. | ||
| And the fucking... | ||
| That's how it opens all the universe's doors. | ||
| Bro, that's it. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| That's fucking it. | ||
| Especially in this world, the world that we live in. | ||
| If you're doing real shit, people find out about it. | ||
| They will find out, man. | ||
| I hear about you. | ||
| I heard about you through several people. | ||
| And I was like, really? | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| Cool. | ||
| Let me check them out. | ||
| And then I saw some of your shit online. | ||
| I'm like, ah... | ||
| I could tell. | ||
| There's people that are doing the real thing. | ||
| They're out there really doing comedy. | ||
| And they're trying to make things funny. | ||
| And they're talking about controversial subjects and talking about different things and their perspective in life. | ||
| And they're not worried about the industry's opinion of them. | ||
| And what you said was so true that... | ||
| In the day, everybody was trying to get a sitcom, man. | ||
| And that's all they were doing. | ||
| They were doing these acts. | ||
| You would get actors who would get into comedy just so they could put together a seven-minute set so they could get a sitcom off of it. | ||
| And then they would stop doing stand-up. | ||
| It was a lot of that. | ||
| But that world dried up when the sitcom dried up. | ||
| And it happened right around the time that Fear Factor kicked. | ||
| Because when Fear Factor kicked in, reality TV show squashed all these sitcoms. | ||
| Which was really funny because some people were... | ||
| I had an argument with a comic about that. | ||
| And he's like, man, I just think it's fucked up that you're doing a reality TV show and supporting reality TV. I go, why? | ||
| He goes, because it takes jobs away from comics that write on sitcoms. | ||
| I go, hey man, I go, first of all, they're not writers on sitcoms. | ||
| They're taking a job writing on sitcoms while they're doing stand-up comedy. | ||
| They're fucking comics, okay? | ||
| I'm taking a job making people eat animal dicks while I'm doing comics. | ||
| The difference is, I'm still doing comedy, and these motherfuckers are just looking for some sort of gravy train to ride off into the sunset. | ||
| If the show was good, people would watch it instead of these reality shows, and then it wouldn't exist anymore. | ||
| But there were so many bad sitcoms that it opened the door to Real Housewives and all these other things, and the next thing you know... | ||
| Name me three sitcoms. | ||
| Go. | ||
| That are on right now. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Can I take it one step further? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There'll never be another hit sitcom again. | ||
| It probably won't. | ||
| It is over. | ||
| It's probably over. | ||
| And I'm walking around the agency that I'm with yesterday, and I'm talking to people, and they don't get it. | ||
| No. | ||
| Bro, I felt like Christian Bale in The Big Short. | ||
| I'm just walking around. | ||
| It's over. | ||
| It's over. | ||
| Do you guys not know? | ||
| We need to write a show around you. | ||
| I'm like, guys, guys, guys. | ||
| There's no more. | ||
| You know what's really over? | ||
| Go. | ||
| You ever look at the fucking ratings for late night television? | ||
| Oh, it's done. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| Bro, this is why put your clips up. | ||
| You just put your clips up. | ||
| Put your clips up. | ||
| Instagram. | ||
| Look, everything that I've done, it's for comics. | ||
| Don't think that you're copying or anything like that. | ||
| It's for you. | ||
| Look at the blueprint. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Copy it. | ||
| Improve it. | ||
| Tell me how you improve it. | ||
| But empower yourself. | ||
| That's what this is for. | ||
| The blueprint of putting things up on YouTube. | ||
| Putting things up on YouTube, Instagram, Twitter. | ||
| And I have a lot of comics that reach out and just ask questions about. | ||
| I'm here as a resource for you. | ||
| Comedy is at its best when we are helping each other. | ||
| And New York doesn't get that right now just yet. | ||
| Well, there's less opportunity. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| You know, what happened in LA... But the sitcom thing, bro, you're a fucking... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Dude, it is so done. | ||
| It killed it. | ||
| You know how I know it's done? | ||
| What is your favorite scene in a sitcom? | ||
| Or what top five scene, just a scene you loved in a sitcom? | ||
| Even though I was in a sitcom for five years, I don't really watch them. | ||
| Okay, fair enough. | ||
| Well, I watched Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, but that's a single camera. | ||
| That doesn't count. | ||
| It's a little different because there's no audience. | ||
| But like... | ||
| Anybody listen right now, right? | ||
| You can think of one of your favorite scenes, right? | ||
| Try to think of how that episode began. | ||
| You don't know. | ||
| Try to think about how it ended. | ||
| You don't know. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Because the narrative was never important. | ||
| The narrative was to fill 30 minutes of time. | ||
| The only thing that was important were the five sketches that filled that 30 minutes of time. | ||
| 22 minutes. | ||
| Or 22, yeah. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| So it's like, those five sketches don't have to have that bullshit narrative, right? | ||
| Right. | ||
| So right now, you really just need four or five friends that are doing the same kind of funny shit. | ||
| We're already seeing the new sitcom right now. | ||
| It's already existing on Instagram. | ||
| It's just not a good art form. | ||
| If you watch like The Big Bang or Two and a Half Men or any of those. | ||
| And those are grandfathered in, right? | ||
| It's like that came from a time when it was there. | ||
| They're not... | ||
| They certainly don't stand up. | ||
| That's also why Netflix kicked in with a lot of their dramas. | ||
| Because they can get away with things on Stranger Things or on Ozark. | ||
| They can get away with shit you just could never fucking do on regular television. | ||
| It's way more wild. | ||
| It's way more raw. | ||
| It's like you're watching a better movie. | ||
| Because it used to be that if you did film, you didn't want to do television because television sucked. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Like television, you do an airwolf or something like that. | ||
| You're doing some terrible drama. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's bullshit. | |
| It's obvious. | ||
| You see it coming a mile away. | ||
| It's made for morons, right? | ||
| Or, you know, you did film. | ||
| And if you did film, boy, you got a chance to work with some of the most amazing directors and do these incredible pieces. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| But Netflix came along, and really it was before Netflix, Sopranos laid the blueprint. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Sopranos laid the blueprint. | ||
| The Wire, Sopranos. | ||
| Yeah, The Wire. | ||
| I didn't watch The Wire, but it did the same sort of thing. | ||
| They created a new movie every week, and it all went together, and it lasted 100 hours. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| And so you're like, oh my god, well regular movies is so shallow. | ||
| I'm not even getting into the characters, right? | ||
| Yeah, this guy's ten years later, you see him ten years later in the same movie? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| And he's got a beard now? | ||
| What the fuck is this? | ||
| This is terrible. | ||
| And why is it? | ||
| Because movies got so expensive to make, you couldn't take risks on stories that we didn't already know about. | ||
| Movies became 200 million, right? | ||
| Or 100 million. | ||
| Now if I go to you and I'm like, okay, give me 200 million to make a movie about, it's this mob guy and he's kind of got like some anxiety... | ||
| You're like, are you out of your fucking mind? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Exactly. | ||
| But if I say, give me $200 million to make a movie about Marvel, it's like, oh, that has an existing fan base? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Is it based on a book or a comic? | ||
| So right now, the only movies we see are either big budget that have a built-in audience or $3 million comedy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Right? | ||
| That middle ground right there that used to be awesome movies? | ||
| TV. Yeah. | ||
| So now TV is the shit. | ||
| It's all these dope stores. | ||
| Like, Breaking Bad should have been a movie. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But they turned that motherfucker into a TV show. | ||
| Way better as a TV show. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Way better! | |
| Yeah. | ||
| And they had commercials and all that stupid shit. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, what happened was, with comics, was the internet came along and all of a sudden there was this wealth of avenues where comedians could show their work. | ||
| Whereas before, you were limited by the gatekeepers. | ||
| The gatekeepers were either sitcoms, and the sitcoms was what everybody wanted to get. | ||
| Because if you got a sitcom, then you were all set. | ||
| You were Jerry Seinfeld, or you were Roseanne. | ||
| And then it became something along the line. | ||
| Russell and you, both guys, Russell Peters in particular, became gigantic, selling out arenas from YouTube. | ||
| That's where it came. | ||
| Little clips of his shit came up, and if you ever met Russell, he's one of the most generous guys in the world. | ||
| Super generous and friendly. | ||
| I know 10 comics whose rent he's paid. | ||
| He's the best. | ||
| He's just such a great guy. | ||
| But he's also a guy that recognizes that you've got to give some back. | ||
| And this just has his personality. | ||
| He's just a gregarious, outgoing guy. | ||
| All these podcasts that popped up, people realized, hey, we're not in competition with each other like Jay Leno and David Letterman were because everybody wanted the Tonight Show spot. | ||
| Now there's a thousand Tonight Shows. | ||
| And if you have the Tonight Show and I have the Tonight Show, I'm like, hey, you should check out Andrew's Tonight Show. | ||
| It's fucking great. | ||
| This is okay. | ||
| This is the Tonight Show. | ||
| You're Carson. | ||
| But we figured out a way. | ||
| You're Carson now. | ||
| You know that, right? | ||
| That's the difference. | ||
| That's the shift. | ||
| That's why Netflix can't even compete. | ||
| Netflix is done. | ||
| They're not done. | ||
| Done. | ||
| What are you talking about? | ||
| You see Charlie Wilson's War? | ||
| No. | ||
| Tom Hanks movie about America getting involved with the Afghan conflict. | ||
| I didn't see it. | ||
| It doesn't really matter. | ||
| But the idea is this. | ||
| They're fighting the Russians, the Afghanis, right? | ||
| Right. | ||
| So the Americans go, okay, boom. | ||
| Give them a $5,000 rocket launcher and they're going to shoot down... | ||
| A $5 million helicopter. | ||
| And eventually Russia just won't be able to compete. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Netflix pays $100 million to Aaron Sorkin or whoever to make a TV show. | ||
| Right. | ||
| That distracts you for two hours. | ||
| Right. | ||
| YouTube pays $0 million to Joe Rogan and Jamie to make a podcast that distracts you for two hours every day. | ||
| Netflix cannot compete. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| But it's a different animal. | ||
| You've got to realize, first of all, they have way more people than just me. | ||
| They also are putting together something that requires a lot of money to create. | ||
| If you enjoy films, or if you enjoy a show like Ozark or Stranger Things, it takes a lot of money to make those things. | ||
| There's special effects, there's camera people and makeup people. | ||
| There's a lot going on. | ||
| Writers and directors and producers and actors. | ||
| It's a giant fucking... | ||
| Tent filled with people. | ||
| Sure, but people aren't watching it. | ||
| You know what they're watching? | ||
| A lot of people are watching that. | ||
| They're watching Friends. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| They're watching Friends. | ||
| Dude, there's a reason they paid off. | ||
| Friends is terrible. | ||
| Bro, it doesn't matter if it's terrible. | ||
| Jamie, the two most viewed shows on Netflix right now, Netflix doesn't own. | ||
| Okay? | ||
| Netflix isn't even trying to make money anymore. | ||
| They're getting bought out. | ||
| It's Facebook, Amazon. | ||
| They're getting bought out by who? | ||
| They want to. | ||
| That's the goal, the strategy now. | ||
| They're $10 billion in debt. | ||
| There's no way they can make money. | ||
| They're 10 billion in debt? | ||
| 10 billion! | ||
| Billion! | ||
| But they make hundreds of millions of dollars a month. | ||
| How many people do they have on board? | ||
| How many subscribers do they have that are paying $9? | ||
| As far as I know, they don't share that information. | ||
| They're killing it in terms of subscribers, but they're $10 billion in debt. | ||
| They just took on another $2 billion. | ||
| When I say Netflix is done, anytime I make declarations, I'm speaking in the future. | ||
| I'm like, we're preparing now for the future. | ||
| Here it goes. | ||
| Netflix will keep friends through next year in a $100 million agreement. | ||
| They're paying $100 million, right? | ||
| For one year of Friends. | ||
| And then The Office, too. | ||
| You know what that is, though? | ||
| That's like nostalgia. | ||
| Nostalgia, right? | ||
| So all viewing right now is nostalgia. | ||
| No, not all viewing. | ||
| Well, if you look at TV, right? | ||
| What did great this past year is in TV, right? | ||
| The OJ trial on FX. What is that? | ||
| I remember I was when the OJ thing came out. | ||
| Did that do that great? | ||
| Killed it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Won all the awards, everything. | ||
| The Versace story, which is another thing. | ||
| Am I that out of the loop? | ||
| 139 million. | ||
| 139 million subscribers paying $10 a month. | ||
| Is that what it is? | ||
| How much does it cost? | ||
| Something like that. | ||
| Maybe even more. | ||
| Maybe 11. How much does it cost? | ||
| They just bumped it up to $12, I think. | ||
| $12 a month. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| That, ladies and gentlemen, is a fuckload of income. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sure. | |
| So they got a lot coming in, but they're spending a lot, too, because they're trying to overtake all the others. | ||
| And then they got Jeff Bezos, you know, Captain Moneybags up there, Scrooge McDuck. | ||
| Right. | ||
| He's trying to do the same thing. | ||
| Facebook should buy it. | ||
| Which is where I saw you on Sneaky Pete. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I was like, Andrew. | ||
| But that's the thing. | ||
| Bezos can lose money on this shit because he's making tons of money on paper towels. | ||
| I wonder how much he is losing, right? | ||
| Because he's got a lot of fucking series that ain't nobody watching on that. | ||
| Yeah, just put it out there. | ||
| But he's doing something that's even more weird. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Because there's no one watching those shows. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| There's a ton of fucking shows on Amazon that fucking no one's watching. | ||
| I would like to see their numbers. | ||
| Because I bet they have some shows that they might have spent a million dollars to make and have like four viewers. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No one watched these shows. | ||
| They were just going after awards. | ||
| Their thing was, we're going to make the artsiest shit, Hollywood's going to give us a Grammy or something like that, and then it will qualify our platform. | ||
| It's a smart approach. | ||
| YouTube's approach was the exact opposite. | ||
| We're just going to create the stuff that we think people want to watch. | ||
| Well, YouTube doesn't create much. | ||
| They did a little, and they took down the paywall. | ||
| My guess with YouTube is they're waiting for Netflix. | ||
| You know that scene in the movie where somebody's caught in an enclosed space and water starts coming in? | ||
| And the water gets right up to his lips. | ||
| He's trying to breathe a little bit more. | ||
| And I think YouTube is going to be the one to pour the last drop of water. | ||
| I think it's such a different thing. | ||
| I think you're talking about two totally different things because Netflix is never aimed to be a user-created content streaming site. | ||
| Right. | ||
| They're not. | ||
| But at the end of the day, it's just distraction. | ||
| I think that's what we've got to start looking at content as. | ||
| It's just raw distraction. | ||
| Netflix occupies a space for distraction that's smaller than YouTube. | ||
| So I can watch a two-hour thing on YouTube at home on my TV. I can watch a two-minute thing on the bus as I'm going to work on YouTube. | ||
| I can watch a 15-minute piece, like vlog or something like that. | ||
| I can watch the whole spectrum. | ||
| Netflix, I'm really just watching at home or like if I'm on a trip. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| It's really... | ||
| I'm not watching a two-minute thing on Netflix. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| It is the shit for now. | ||
| Don't get me wrong. | ||
| It's absolutely the shit for now. | ||
| Right? | ||
| But if I was being... | ||
| If I'm putting my money on it, I would say... | ||
| If I'm Facebook, I buy it. | ||
| And then imagine having your Facebook feed. | ||
| You just watch the show. | ||
| And then you get to share it immediately on your Facebook feed. | ||
| If I was Facebook, I'd be super careful about buying anything because I think the government's been thinking about breaking them up for a while. | ||
| Elizabeth Warren is already talking about that. | ||
| That's one of the parts of her platform in running for president is breaking up Apple, breaking up Facebook, breaking up Twitter. | ||
| She wants to break up all these things she thinks are monopolies. | ||
| What's your feeling on that? | ||
| Get the fuck out of here with that. | ||
| She is goofy, man. | ||
| She's goofy as fuck. | ||
| What's up? | ||
| The Disney takeover of 21st Century Fox takes place, I think, next week, the 20th. | ||
| They're going to put out their own streaming service. | ||
| They've bought everything except for Fox News and Fox Sports. | ||
| They took over all of their production, movie facilities. | ||
| Like 5,000 people might be losing their job because Disney doesn't need them. | ||
| But all that content's coming off of Netflix. | ||
| All those Marvel shows, all that shit is going to come over to them. | ||
| Really? | ||
| So now they're going to have a nice competition. | ||
| Man, I wonder if that's why they've been canceling all these Marvel shows on Netflix. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Absolutely. | |
| Why would I keep investing in something that you're going to take off? | ||
| Like I'm going to build up a brand and then you're going to remove it? | ||
| Right. | ||
| You own it. | ||
| So they've got all the kids' movies. | ||
| You're a dad. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Dude, I go to Disneyland twice a year at least. | ||
| What, you're going to not have a streaming Disney program for your kids? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well, they all... | |
| Apple's also starting their streaming service soon. | ||
| Right, isn't it like tomorrow or some shit? | ||
| No one knows when, but tons of rumors are coming out today. | ||
| You know what it's like? | ||
| You know the perestroika? | ||
| Like what happened in Russia where overnight it fell and they sold off the state assets to a few people and everybody became billionaires? | ||
| That's what's happening right now in entertainment, dude. | ||
| People don't realize it, but it's fucking done. | ||
| The days of fame being about distance... | ||
| Are done. | ||
| Distance? | ||
| Distance. | ||
| Like, I'm Johnny Depp. | ||
| I'm going to go away to my little home somewhere in the Alps and you will see me twice a year. | ||
| You know, and I'm weird. | ||
| I'm Marlon Brando. | ||
| I'm out here. | ||
| I'm weird. | ||
| I'm different. | ||
| You know, it's like, now it's proximity. | ||
| There's no value in being weird anymore? | ||
| Bro. | ||
| Marlon Brando, Tyler Perry has an island, bro. | ||
| Really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| That's interesting. | ||
| It is. | ||
| Have you been invited? | ||
| No. | ||
| No. | ||
| That's fucked up. | ||
| I don't want to go. | ||
| I ain't going to anybody's fucking island. | ||
| That's my rule. | ||
| Bronson. | ||
| Somebody wants to ask me? | ||
| Bronson? | ||
| The virgin dude? | ||
| Richard Bronson or whatever his name is. | ||
| Oh, Branson. | ||
| Branson, yeah. | ||
| No, I ain't going to this fucking island. | ||
| I don't want to hang out with that dude. | ||
| You want to jet ski with Branson? | ||
| Why? | ||
| When I could jet ski with Joey Diaz. | ||
| Listen, I'm not hanging out with any dude who has an island. | ||
| Get the fuck out of here. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Why? | |
| I'm not going to your island because they always want you to go to their island. | ||
| Like, bitch, I ain't going to your island ever. | ||
| Why can't we just go to the diner? | ||
| No, I'll go to Oahu. | ||
| Who's that? | ||
| Eddie Murphy. | ||
| Eddie Murphy has an island? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yep. | |
| What? | ||
| The Bahamas. | ||
| Would you go to Eddie's? | ||
| I might go to Eddie's. | ||
| You gotta go to Eddie's. | ||
| I like Eddie's. | ||
| I met Eddie and I was good friends with his brother. | ||
| And? | ||
| Good guy? | ||
| Charlie was the best. | ||
| Charlie was the greatest guy of all time. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I met Eddie. | ||
| When I met Eddie Murphy, I met Eddie Murphy in Maui. | ||
| And the first words out of his mouth, he goes, You a funny motherfucker! | ||
| I was like, God damn, yes! | ||
| This is recently? | ||
| No, years ago. | ||
| Maybe more than 10 years ago. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, that's... | |
| Like 2007, something like that. | ||
| That would be unreal. | ||
| Eddie Murphy saying you're funny. | ||
| It was crazy. | ||
| In Hawaii with my family. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How'd you react? | |
| I was like, thank you. | ||
| Like, what do you say? | ||
| When Eddie Murphy says you're a funny motherfucker, I'm like, holy shit. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Felt great. | ||
| You look at your wife and be like, see? | ||
| Fucking chuckle every once in a while. | ||
| Honestly, at home, I'm not that funny. | ||
| My wife cracks most of the jokes. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, I don't have to be funny. | ||
| I don't need it. | ||
| It's one of the reasons why I like to hang around with Joey Diaz, because he's always funny. | ||
| And he's always the funny guy. | ||
| I like it. | ||
| You know, I like being around funny people, man. | ||
| The thing about comics, especially the needy, annoying ones, in the early days, like early days of your career, they have to be the center of attention. | ||
| That shit is really annoying. | ||
| And one of the things that you learn for sure about hosting a podcast is you don't really want to be the center of attention. | ||
| You just want to facilitate a conversation. | ||
| You just want to make the best... | ||
| Creation. | ||
| What's the best creation? | ||
| If the best creation is let this guy rant, you got to let him rant. | ||
| Get out of the way. | ||
| If the best creation is you rant with him and you jump in together and you go back and forth like a game of tennis, then you do it that way. | ||
| But you have to be able to feel the vibe. | ||
| And then some people are not going to like it that way. | ||
| They're going to want, why don't you let your guest talk? | ||
| People love to say shit like that. | ||
| Why are you interrupting his rants? | ||
| People love to say things like that. | ||
| You're trying to make a creation. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Comics are now great listeners. | ||
| Some of them are. | ||
| Well, the ones that are are great at this. | ||
| Yeah, right. | ||
| And the ones that aren't, it's tough for them to do this. | ||
| And people know, man. | ||
| It's how... | ||
| How comfortable is it when it gets in through their ears? | ||
| Is it getting in easy or is it like, ugh, this guy's annoying! | ||
| I'll bring on a guest and I'll hear the guest say something and I just cringe because I anticipate the comments. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm just like, dude, you're about to get crushed by the weight of the world. | |
| Will you quiet somebody? | ||
| No. | ||
| I mean, if I have to. | ||
| I try not to. | ||
| If I have to correct them. | ||
| Like, if they're saying something that I know to be inaccurate. | ||
| If it's in my wheelhouse. | ||
| Like, sometimes people say something and I'll just say, that's not true. | ||
| Here's why that's not true. | ||
| You know, I've had people say some goofy shit. | ||
| And it just happens to be something I know a lot about. | ||
| And then I have to stop it. | ||
| Yeah, okay, that makes sense. | ||
| But for the most part, I want people to just be themselves. | ||
| I've got to figure out how to get you to be yourself. | ||
| That's what a lot of this is. | ||
| Make you comfortable, make you realize that I just want you to do great. | ||
| I want everybody to do great. | ||
| Are you ever intimidated? | ||
| By a guest? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| By their intellect, yeah. | ||
| Like Elon Musk was intimidating. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Talking to him, because you realize what a chimp you are. | ||
| Did you feel that way? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| I'm a fucking dummy, man. | ||
| I'm talking to this guy. | ||
| I'm like, I'm a fucking chimp. | ||
| Here's a question. | ||
| I felt like a chimp. | ||
| I'm like, look at him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm like, yeah, so you gotta go to Mars, huh? | |
| Cool. | ||
| Wanna smoke some weed? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That's what it felt like. | ||
| Somebody's got to make a cut of that. | ||
| Like your chip moments. | ||
| This motherfucker's making electric cars. | ||
| He's sending rockets into space. | ||
| He's drilling holes under the ground. | ||
| You had to dumb them down with the weed. | ||
| He's making solar cities. | ||
| It didn't even work. | ||
| So here's my take on it, right? | ||
| I'm watching Musk, right? | ||
| And he basically is opening up to you about how he's not happy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Right? | ||
| There's this moment where he's like, I think he says something to the extent of... | ||
| You wouldn't want to be me. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He's just his exact words. | ||
| He wouldn't want to be me. | ||
| He wouldn't want to be me. | ||
| So that means he doesn't want to be him. | ||
| On some level, he doesn't want to be him, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And he's... | ||
| So with these guys that we admire because they're so brilliant and they have all these brilliant ideas and we're put in this matrix of... | ||
| We're all in this success matrix on some level, right? | ||
| Where it's like, get things done, good. | ||
| Don't get things done, bad. | ||
| Right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| I wonder if he's chimpish in that he's potentially wasting his life being upset or miserable when he could be focusing on things that would give him joy. | ||
| Is that being a fucking chimp? | ||
| Is being so smart that you don't even try to just be happy and focus on your happiness? | ||
| I don't necessarily think he's unhappy, but I do think that he puts himself into situations where the amount of stress that he absorbs is almost unfathomable. | ||
| Like when he was trying to get the Tesla Model 3 production schedule ramped up, he was sleeping on the floor of the factory and working Literally working like 19, 20 hours a day. | ||
| That's untenable. | ||
| You can only do that for short periods of time. | ||
| But I think that what I was saying about Kanye West applies to him tenfold. | ||
| He's got a power output that's extraordinarily different than the average person. | ||
| And that's one of the things he was talking about when he was young. | ||
| I mean, you could probably put him on some sort of a... | ||
| I don't know what the super genius spectrum is. | ||
| What's Albert Einstein? | ||
| What's this guy? | ||
| What's that guy? | ||
| He's in there somewhere in this crazy realm of the way a brain works. | ||
| I think that brains are like all other body parts. | ||
| Some people are born with little tiny dicks, and some people got giant hogs, and that's just a fact. | ||
| And I think that dude has a giant hog of a brain. | ||
| And it just works better. | ||
| It just is operating on a level that you and I can't comprehend. | ||
| I never invented a goddamn thing in my life, but I'm driving around in Elon Musk's car. | ||
| That motherfucker made a car. | ||
| And that's like some shit he does on the side. | ||
| His car thing is like after he invented PayPal. | ||
| By the way, while he's doing the car, he's shooting rockets into space and drilling holes into the ground. | ||
| He's trying to move traffic underground. | ||
| He's making solar cities. | ||
| Like, he's hooking up Australia with these massive solar panel power battery plants that fucking fix their energy needs. | ||
| He's on another level. | ||
| No doubt on another level. | ||
| It's a different thing. | ||
| But is he happy, Joe? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| He's a nice guy. | ||
| When you hang around with him, he seems happy. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, yeah. | ||
| But what is happy, right? | ||
| Is he happy in bursts? | ||
| Well, I guarantee you, when I saw him and he was shooting his fucking flamethrower in my foyer, he was happy. | ||
| Your foyer? | ||
| Yeah, right out here, man. | ||
| Right out here! | ||
| He had a fucking flamethrower. | ||
| He was tapping that bitch when he walked into the door. | ||
| He's unboxing it. | ||
| In the middle of this hallway out here, there's a picture of him standing in front of the freak party sign, blowing flames out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look at that! | |
| That fucking guy's a maniac! | ||
| Look at the smile on his face! | ||
| You can't tell him he's not happy, bro. | ||
| Look at that smile! | ||
| He's happy as fuck! | ||
| It's because he's a kid, man! | ||
| In a lot of ways. | ||
| Dude, there's this fucking guy, I forget his name, this is Dr. Rapai or something like that. | ||
| He's like this French consultant. | ||
| He's like some fucking genius and he's like decoded cultures, right? | ||
| And every culture he's decoded and people hire him to consult, right? | ||
| And like America's code is... | ||
| It's the verb is to do and the time is now, right? | ||
| And we're just kids at the end of the day, right? | ||
| It's like everything we love, big tits in America, right? | ||
| Big, most popular plastic surgery is big tits. | ||
| And like France, most popular plastic surgery is getting tits reduced, right? | ||
| Right? | ||
| Everything about them is, like, precision and, like, the food on the plate. | ||
| Is that really their most popular plastic surgeon? | ||
| That's what he said. | ||
| Maybe it's changed to, like, lips or something more common now, but maybe the one you have to go under. | ||
| Lips are a dark one. | ||
| Don't fuck with your lips, ladies. | ||
| Oh, I like it when they get a little lips, if they have none. | ||
| No, if you have a fucking beak, you want to have a little something. | ||
| You see the thing in there. | ||
| It's like, it, like, lets you know they're extra needy. | ||
| There's like something going on. | ||
| They wanted their lips to be, you know, there's like a symmetrical proportion that your face is supposed to fall into this Fibonacci sequence of numbers. | ||
| Like, if you get a nose job, I look at you and I go, what's wrong with his nose? | ||
| Like, something is wrong. | ||
| It registers wrong in my head because your face, like Ari, perfect example. | ||
| If Ari got a nose job, you're like, what the fuck is happening here? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| What's wrong with your face? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Like if Ari had like a small Irish person's nose, he'd be like, what is happening here? | ||
| This doesn't even make any sense. | ||
| Yeah, maybe not for his face. | ||
| No, for his face. | ||
| There's a sequence. | ||
| Like your lips match your face. | ||
| They match how far your eyes are apart, where your nose is. | ||
| When you see a girl and she's a little tiny, little skinny thing with little fingers, and all of a sudden she's got this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| These big weird lips. | ||
| Yeah, but don't we like things that like stand out? | ||
| Like we like skinny with big tits. | ||
| We do. | ||
| We're drawn to it, right? | ||
| We're drawn to things that are abnormal. | ||
| Nice big butt. | ||
| It's a trick. | ||
| The big tit one is a trick because it represents sexual viability. | ||
| It represents your ability to breastfeed a child, which is attractive to your genes. | ||
| It doesn't make any sense that you would know that there's a bag of water available. | ||
| Underneath her skin that she had a tube down her throat taped to her face. | ||
| She's half dead. | ||
| They're cutting her open with a sharp knife and stuffing this bag of water under the meat of her breast tissue. | ||
| Or they're cutting her nipple off and opening it up like a fucking manhole cover and pumping that fucker in there. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| We know that that's what happened and we still think it's hot. | ||
| All those things are nuts, man. | ||
| Reptilian, bro. | ||
| It's in here. | ||
| We can't help it. | ||
| But, like, it bothers me when it's a butt. | ||
| When it's a fake butt, it bothers me. | ||
| Like, if there was a way that a girl could lift weights at the gym and make her tits bigger, and she went and got fake tits, you wouldn't like them as much. | ||
| Wait a minute, wait a minute. | ||
| Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Like, knowing you can earn it. | ||
| Yeah, you can earn it. | ||
| Yeah, it's lazy. | ||
| The butt thing is lazy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| The butt thing, it throws you off if it doesn't match the legs. | ||
| Like, if a girl's got a big butt, she's got some legs, like, damn, this bitch is deadlifting. | ||
| You know, like, that's hot. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I've never said that in my head, but I know what you're talking about. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You never said that? | |
| This bitch is deadlifted. | ||
| You never said that? | ||
| I see a girl with big hamstrings. | ||
| This bitch could squat. | ||
| I say that all the time. | ||
| I just don't work out enough, I guess. | ||
| I like girls with legs that look like they can carry shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's hot. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Do you like girls to squat? | ||
| No. | ||
| I'm heavy. | ||
| If a girl's carrying me around, she's going to get tired. | ||
| But I like girls that are athletic, that have power. | ||
| I like it. | ||
| It's hot. | ||
| So if a girl's got a big ass because she's squatting, that's hot. | ||
| If a girl's got a big ass because she went through surgery, I'm like, bitch, you're going to get cancer. | ||
| They're getting ass cancer now. | ||
| Do you know that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Way... | |
| Yes. | ||
| From the implants. | ||
| From implants. | ||
| Yes, they're starting to see cases of butt cancer. | ||
| Whoa, Jack! | ||
| That's what you like. | ||
| That's what I'm talking about, son. | ||
| Bro, that is... | ||
| That's power. | ||
| No, that's too strong for me. | ||
| Oh, don't be scared. | ||
| I'm afraid of that. | ||
| That girl will hurt you. | ||
| She will. | ||
| Yeah, that is... | ||
| That's like trying to fuck a CrossFitter's fist. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Like, the power that she must have in that. | ||
| Bro, look at that leg, dude. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fantastic. | |
| That's just a hawk. | ||
| Outstanding. | ||
| I mean, the butt cheeks are nice. | ||
| It's the thigh meat that's too much. | ||
| She's an athlete. | ||
| I like it. | ||
| Yeah, I don't know. | ||
| I like that. | ||
| If that girl's in a miniskirt, if she's not flexing, she probably looks hot as fuck. | ||
| So you're into a very strong... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I like good jeans. | ||
| There's gotta be other ones, Jamie. | ||
| I mean, this girl has massive quads. | ||
| She's stacked. | ||
| That girl's stacked. | ||
| The only problem with those gals is that there is a reality to certain levels of musculature that most likely they're only achieved by injecting male hormones. | ||
| So the clits kind of get big or whatever? | ||
| A little bit. | ||
| Have you? | ||
|
unidentified
|
A little bit. | |
| Never seen that. | ||
| Are you allowed to like fuck around? | ||
| What's your relationship with your wife? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, no, no. | |
| Definitely not. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| Okay. | ||
| How long have you been married? | ||
| Ten years. | ||
| Ten years. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Almost. | |
| Close enough. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| And then how do you navigate that? | ||
| How do you jack off? | ||
| No, no. | ||
| Could you please explain to me how you do this masturbation thing? | ||
| What do you do? | ||
| What do you jack off? | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| How does it work? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| This level of athleticism, you know what I'm saying? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's a certain line that they are crossing that most likely is because of male hormones. | ||
| Yeah, I can get into it. | ||
| There's some level to that. | ||
| Do they grow some hair? | ||
| Jiu-Jitsu girls. | ||
| There's a lot of Jiu-Jitsu girls that are competitive Jiu-Jitsu girls that start doing a little bit of steroids. | ||
| They start taking a little bit of testosterone. | ||
| A friend of mine's wife was doing that, and I was like, yikes. | ||
| You saw the difference. | ||
| She's like, yeah, she's really getting into Jiu-Jitsu. | ||
| She's competing. | ||
| And she's starting to take a little bit of testosterone. | ||
| I was like, okay. | ||
| You know what happens though? | ||
| They get horny. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Like a dude. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But they got this big dangling clip. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, no, no. | |
| It only gets big when they go whole hog. | ||
| Like when they go bodybuilder. | ||
| How big? | ||
| When they go bodybuilder. | ||
| Wait, have you? | ||
| It gets big. | ||
| Back in the day. | ||
| Way back in the day. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| Never fucked a girl who was a bodybuilder. | ||
| Never once. | ||
| Never. | ||
| No. | ||
| Did fuck a girl who was very fit and strong, but she had a normal vagina. | ||
| Normal clit. | ||
| Totally normal clit. | ||
| She had a six-pack, though. | ||
| It's kind of weird. | ||
| Okay, yeah. | ||
| It's a little... | ||
|
unidentified
|
She was strong. | |
| It's not feminine. | ||
| It's not feminine. | ||
| But this clit thing fascinates me. | ||
| So the clit, it just... | ||
| Is there like... | ||
| You can't put a picture of that up. | ||
| Can we look at that? | ||
| No. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah. | |
| No. | ||
| YouTube will pull us. | ||
| Can you pull it up? | ||
| Well, it doesn't... | ||
| You know what it is. | ||
| It's a little dick. | ||
| It's like a little dick. | ||
| That's what I'm wondering. | ||
| Does it have the head and the ridge? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Get the fuck out of here, bro. | ||
| Are you saying you've never looked in large clits? | ||
| You've never done that? | ||
| That's exactly what I'm saying. | ||
| Ha ha ha! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hold on. | |
| You've never done a Google search? | ||
| Bro, I looked fake pussies. | ||
| I looked up like tranny pussies, but I didn't look up. | ||
| That's not good. | ||
| What do you mean? | ||
| The tranny pussy. | ||
| What do you mean they're not good? | ||
| It's not good. | ||
| It's not real. | ||
| Yeah, I know it's not real, but you want to be able to tell. | ||
| Can you tell? | ||
| No, but I feel like we should put a watermark. | ||
| Bro, there's a dick going inside a nut. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bro, that one is crazy. | |
| Look at that one down there. | ||
| Bro, that's fucking nuts! | ||
| Yeah, that's what happens. | ||
| That's not real. | ||
| Yo, it is real. | ||
| It is real. | ||
| There's no way. | ||
| No, no, no, it is real. | ||
| There's no way. | ||
| How about that one in the upper right-hand corner? | ||
| There's no way, dude. | ||
| The dark one? | ||
| Jamie? | ||
| No, below that. | ||
| That one. | ||
| Pow. | ||
| How you like me now? | ||
| That's a dick. | ||
| She has balls. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, no, that's pussy lips. | ||
| That girl has balls, bro. | ||
| That's not a girl. | ||
| No, that's pussy lips. | ||
| That's pussy lips. | ||
| Now that one down there, what about the giant one below that, Jamie? | ||
| Dude, the one in the middle? | ||
| What's happening there? | ||
| No, bro, that just looks like a witch finger. | ||
| That is gnarly, man. | ||
| Do you think that that's photoshopped? | ||
| That has to be photoshopped, dude. | ||
| Dude, this is un-fucking- real. | ||
| Some freak porn. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh my god, bro. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa, dude! | |
| Well, when girls take a lot of testosterone, they do develop enlarged clits. | ||
| There was a show on HBO back in the day, I think it was called Private Dicks, but it was like, that girl's jacked! | ||
| You're into that, though? | ||
| No. | ||
| That's a little much. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| She looks like Dillashaw. | ||
| Ha! | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| She's pretty looking, though. | ||
| She wasn't flexing. | ||
| Tell her to eat a couple sandwiches. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bro! | |
| Anyway, let's get out of there. | ||
| That's enough. | ||
| We're gonna start vomiting. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Dude! | |
| But anyway, there was a show on HBO called Private Dicks. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| And one of the people on it, I think that was from that show. | ||
| But anyway, there was this lady who was talking about she became a trans man. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| And through taking massive amounts of testosterone, her clit grew, she said, to the size of a thumb. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Because they're taking very high levels of testosterone to sort of achieve that. | ||
| They get hair on their face, their voice deepens, they get broader and thicker, and they keep a lot of that too. | ||
| I don't get it. | ||
| I don't understand. | ||
| So your clit is just a cock, essentially, right? | ||
| Well, not really. | ||
| It just resembles one. | ||
| I mean, if you looked at that, if my dick looked like that, I'd go right to the doctor. | ||
| Which one? | ||
| The long one that we were looking at? | ||
| The crooked one? | ||
| The witch's finger. | ||
| Yeah, with the joints? | ||
| Yeah, it seems like a clit with no skin. | ||
| Or a dick with no skin. | ||
| It has been skinned. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| Yes. | ||
| Bro, bro, that made me feel uncomfortable to look at. | ||
| It should. | ||
| Imagine pulling a girl's panties down and that thing fucking... | ||
| It happened to a friend of mine's ex-boyfriend. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| A friend of mine who I used to work with on a television show, she was telling me a story. | ||
| About her ex-boyfriend met this girl and they're fooling around and they get back to her. | ||
| And she was pretty feminine, but she had a clit like a pinky is the way he described it. | ||
| And then he pulled her pants down and then fucking panicked and then said, Oh my God, I have to pick my friend up at the airport. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck. | |
| I can't believe this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And he just ran. | |
| That was his excuse? | ||
| He fucking panicked, man. | ||
| The dude panicked. | ||
| He went into a full-blown panic and just ran out. | ||
| He couldn't deal with her clit. | ||
| I mean, it gets to a certain size where that's like... | ||
| Yeah, like if it's wrapped around her leg and tied in a bow, you're like, hey! | ||
| Or you gotta like push it to the side to insert. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| You gotta hold it. | ||
| Like a handle while you're banging her. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's a joystick! | |
| It's like the reins on a horse. | ||
| Like you're hanging onto it while you're banging her. | ||
| It's like just the random shape of the human body and how we've decided that this is what's appealing, right? | ||
| Hourglass figure, the ass comes out, the tits are here. | ||
| It makes it look like she's sexually viable and she'll be good at... | ||
| The big ass and all that fat around that area means... | ||
| She's got plenty of nutrients for the child. | ||
| She's got wide hips. | ||
| It means a baby's going to come out easy. | ||
| All those things are directly connected to fertility. | ||
| So we're not objectifying them at all. | ||
| Well, we are, but it's nature that's caught. | ||
| There's a reason why the standard that men are after when it comes to women is directly connected to them being sexually fertile. | ||
| We think you're going to make some kids. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So me thinking that you have great hips or tits or something like that is efficient. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's not sexist. | ||
| It's not hateful. | ||
| It's not in any way objectifying. | ||
| Or maybe we're supposed to objectify to create people. | ||
| Hmm. | ||
| I think there's that too, but then there's also like, if a girl's in really good shape, one of the things that you admire is that that girl's got, she's got discipline and power. | ||
| Like a girl's hitting the gym all the time and working out, that's a girl who gets things done. | ||
| Like if you see a girl and she's lazy and her body is just like soft, doughy, she's like skinny fat, like, oh, you're going to complain a lot. | ||
| You're going to need a lot of naps. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| You're blowing up after this kid. | ||
| You're not getting after it. | ||
| You're not out there getting things done. | ||
| You're going to want to be sad. | ||
| You're going to want to complain. | ||
| You're going to want to stay home and stop. | ||
| But is that biological or is that us being smart? | ||
| You think it is? | ||
| Yeah, there's something biological to it. | ||
| Your body rejects that because you know that this girl... | ||
| Like if the shit hits the fan and a fucking apocalypse comes, you've got to take your children and go to the mountains. | ||
| This girl's going to be tired all the time. | ||
| She's going to complain. | ||
| She's going to weigh you down. | ||
| She's not going to carry her own weight. | ||
| I like a gal who can carry her own weight. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And you can't do that if you're carrying a big old clit all day. | ||
| Babe, hurry up! | ||
| You're dragging your clit all over the rocks! | ||
| You got leaves stuck to it and shit. | ||
| It looked like a dog's dick. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know when a fucking dog gets hurt? | |
| Oh no. | ||
| That's what it looked like. | ||
| Oh no. | ||
| Imagine if women had dicks and men had pussies and we were just really into big dicks. | ||
| That's just as possible. | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| Just as possible. | ||
| It's called gay guys. | ||
| But not just... | ||
| No, the arbitrary shape of human... | ||
| Don't they like big dicks? | ||
| It's just strange. | ||
| It's strange what we're attracted to. | ||
| Seahorses, right? | ||
| Isn't the male seahorse have a pussy? | ||
| Well, the male seahorse accepts eggs from the female. | ||
| There's actually a video of it. | ||
| Sounds pretty gay to me. | ||
| Sounds pretty fucking gay, bro. | ||
| I don't know if you're accepting eggs. | ||
| Yeah, she pours her eggs into a sack in his body. | ||
| It's very strange. | ||
| You get nutted in, bro. | ||
| And it looks like they're kissing while they do it. | ||
| It's really weird. | ||
| Alright, I'm okay with the kissing shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Have you ever seen it? | |
| Oh, you got a video of it? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Here it is. | ||
| It puts shit in perspective when you look at the... | ||
| What a weird fucking animal a seahorse is anyway. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Like, what a strange little creature. | ||
| It's so weird. | ||
| I think that's why we like nature stuff, because it puts in perspective how fucked up humans are. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| He's just busting off, dude. | ||
| That's her or him. | ||
| Is that him giving birth? | ||
| Dude, that's how I come with kickback like that. | ||
| Look at that kickback. | ||
| It's a fucking shotgun, dude. | ||
| I come the opposite way. | ||
| I go forward. | ||
| I don't back out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I feel like if you back out, it's like pulling back on a punch. | |
| Yeah, but you got two kids. | ||
| Imagine if one of those ones gets stuck in there. | ||
| One of them little baby seahorses is like, ah... | ||
| I'm in here forever. | ||
| Shit. | ||
| The last of them is like one or two at a time. | ||
| See, like, one guy. | ||
| It's the last drop, dude. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He keeps pumping, but there's nothing coming out. | |
| Okay, those are babies or those are sperm? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Babies. | |
| Those are babies. | ||
| Oh, so we didn't see them have sex with each other. | ||
| I think the baby hatches inside of his body. | ||
| Yeah, that's crazy, dude. | ||
| Thank God we don't got to do that. | ||
| Imagine. | ||
| What a drag. | ||
| Did your wife do natural? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No! | |
| See? | ||
| Oh, no, no, no. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| Just epidural. | ||
| How'd she get it out? | ||
| Oh, I mean, natural in that way. | ||
| Yeah, C-section. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Epidural, man. | ||
| The C-section thing, they have to, I mean, with some women, it's imperative. | ||
| They have to do it. | ||
| Like, maybe they have small hips. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You date one of those, like a little girl, date one of them big, giant dudes who gorilla fucks you. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| And then you got a giant baby inside you and a little tiny pussy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You love that shit, bro. | |
| I can tell. | ||
| You fucking... | ||
| I'm fascinated by it. | ||
| Have you ever seen that guy from Game of Thrones? | ||
| The mountain with his wife? | ||
| Is his girl tiny? | ||
| She weighs three pounds. | ||
| She looks like she's smaller in comparison to him than my eight-year-old is in comparison to me. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Oh, he is smoking that, dude. | ||
| How is that humanly possible that that works? | ||
| She's this beautiful little tiny creature, and he's one of the biggest human beings on the planet. | ||
| Yeah, but do you think that he's packing? | ||
| I don't think he's packing. | ||
| What are you talking about? | ||
| You think he's got a big piece? | ||
| He's got a dick like everything else you see on him. | ||
| If he didn't have a dick like that, you'd be stunned. | ||
| Look at the size of his hands, his shoulders. | ||
| He probably has a small seal in his pants. | ||
| He's got a t-shirt that's a strong motherfucker. | ||
| He's a big, uncircumcised dick. | ||
| Yeah, big, giant fucking anteater. | ||
| Like an elephant trunk. | ||
| That's... | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know, bro. | |
| I don't know if he got the piece, man. | ||
| You're out of your mind. | ||
| He's so big if you had a piece like that. | ||
| Because he's a savage. | ||
| He's from fucking Iceland. | ||
| That's what they do? | ||
| They're different humans out there, man. | ||
| Those are Vikings. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's a reason why he's that big. | ||
| No bullshit. | ||
| That is Viking DNA. It's just the best DNA from the world. | ||
| Thousands of years ago, guys like him would be on a boat with a fucking dragon on the front of the boat, and they'd have a sword, and they couldn't wait to jump off that fucking boat and start hacking people to bits. | ||
| That's why that guy exists. | ||
| That's why he's so big. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| And you just took the best genetics from wherever you stopped? | ||
| That's why Iceland. | ||
| Vice did a whole piece on Iceland. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| About all the strongmen competition winners that live in Iceland. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| They're all Vikings, man. | ||
| It's Viking DNA. Really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
100%. | |
| Okay, but isn't Viking DNA, okay, we went to Italy, we raped some chicks in Italy, we bring them back? | ||
| Yeah, they bring back the best women, but they're the ones who survive all these battles. | ||
| This is time-tested. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They're swinging axes at other dudes swinging axes. | |
| The ones who survived were all big. | ||
| Yeah, that's true. | ||
| These guys are so big, man. | ||
| You've got to read this article that Vice did on these strong men in Iceland. | ||
| It's crazy, bro. | ||
| There's a whole country filled with gorillas. | ||
| Big white gorillas that are just smashing pussy and lifting weights and throwing fucking beer barrels over the top of chain link fences. | ||
| They're huge! | ||
| Apparently there's an app in Iceland to make sure you don't fuck your family member. | ||
| Deadass, bro. | ||
| Because there's only like 300,000 people, right? | ||
| On the island? | ||
| Right. | ||
| So everybody, not everybody, a lot of people are very related. | ||
| So you can like type your name in and it will say, oh, Jorgensen? | ||
| Oh, Jorgensen. | ||
| Ah, we're second cousins, maybe not. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck. | |
| Who? | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| That's how I would call him. | ||
| I'd just say, who? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Who? | |
| With a drum by the bed. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I have a dude beating a drum to give me a pace. | |
| To give me a pace to go to. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Damn. | ||
| That's a crazy race of humans, man. | ||
| You ever go there, Iceland? | ||
| No, no. | ||
| I'd like to go there just to see the Northern Lights. | ||
| It's one of the things that I've been thinking that I need. | ||
| Have you been? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You saw the Northern Lights? | ||
| I did stand up there. | ||
| What is it? | ||
| Oh, you did? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah. | |
| Tell me about that. | ||
| In Alaska, it's harder in the city when you're in the city, but yeah, they love stand-up there. | ||
| I think their president or something was a huge Stanhope fan. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| They like good stand-up, too. | ||
| That's hilarious! | ||
| Make sure I'm not misquoting, but apparently I think he was a massive Doug Stanhope fan. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| They were good, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| No English. | ||
| Apparently the KFC there... | ||
| They have one KFC. Oh, and it's popular as fuck? | ||
| Well, the rules for food are super high, so it's like the best chicken tenders you've ever had. | ||
| Oh, because they don't let processed bullshit get in? | ||
| None of that, right? | ||
| But it's still KFC. So you could do that when you have a country that has as many people as Boulder, Colorado. | ||
| Right. | ||
| That's the thing people don't get. | ||
| When you've got to feed 300 million people, it's like, we're going to GMO some shit, bro. | ||
| We're going to use corn. | ||
| It's 300 million people. | ||
| That's a lot of people. | ||
| Yeah, it's like when a mom has nine kids. | ||
| It's like, there's going to be some grits. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like... | |
| Yeah, McDonald's is gonna work. | ||
| But yeah, Iceland was a shit and the Northern Lights. | ||
| You look at Northern Lights and you're like, oh, I completely get why people believed in God. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Like, you can't not. | ||
| Does that make sense? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sure. | |
| You look in the sky and it's painting itself. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You're gonna believe. | ||
| What did they think it was back then? | ||
| Had to be the gods dancing. | ||
| I wonder what they thought. | ||
| I wonder what explanation they had for the Northern Lights a thousand years ago. | ||
| How do you not? | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| The more I look at it, I was raised without any religion, but the more I look at it now, I think it's just people trying to explain. | ||
| Jesus, look at that. | ||
| Is that a real color? | ||
| It's from Minnesota, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, you can see it. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| But go to another one. | ||
| For me, I didn't experience it like that. | ||
| Travis Nowitzki. | ||
| It's more just like... | ||
| Well, I know that name. | ||
| Dirk Nowitzki, you're probably thinking of. | ||
| No, I've heard that name, too. | ||
| Travis Nowitzki. | ||
| Is he, um... | ||
| What does that guy do? | ||
| Is he just a famous photographer, perhaps? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Photography by Travis Nowitzki. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think that's what it is. | ||
| I think I've seen his... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think he does a lot of nature shit. | ||
| How could you not, dude? | ||
| How do you blame anybody for believing in something bigger than yourself? | ||
| Oh, just a lightning storm, man. | ||
| A hurricane. | ||
| We live in big cities. | ||
| This shit is not real. | ||
| You live in the Bahamas and you see the power of a fucking hurricane. | ||
| It puts things in perspective. | ||
| You know how important we think we are? | ||
| That goes away when you know, at the blink of an eye, your house, everything you work for is gone because of wind. | ||
| Wind and water. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| That shit right there. | ||
| Look at that picture. | ||
| That's where it's crazy. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| It says, Northern Lights now appear in Central Europe. | ||
| Is this because of climate change? | ||
| Well, isn't it supposed to get hotter? | ||
| I don't know what that means. | ||
| Like, why is it saying? | ||
| Go to that article. | ||
| Why is it saying that? | ||
| Northern Lights now appear. | ||
| What does it say? | ||
| Scroll down. | ||
| Scroll down. | ||
| No, it says Europe and much of the U.S. Central Europe and much of the U.S. I didn't know that much of the U.S. says Northern Lights. | ||
| You can see them in Ohio sometimes. | ||
| Really? | ||
| You've seen it? | ||
| I have not, but I'm... | ||
| I mean, the other picture you showed is in Minnesota. | ||
| You fucking Ohio people doing ass in the parking lot, seeing lights in the sky. | ||
| Yeah, that fucking big storm is hitting central U.S. today, right? | ||
| They got fucked in Denver. | ||
| What are they calling it? | ||
| A bomb? | ||
| Why are they calling it a bomb cyclone? | ||
| It's clickbait. | ||
| Marketing, bro. | ||
| Marketing. | ||
| It's good marketing, dude. | ||
| Is it a bomb? | ||
| Why are they calling it a bomb? | ||
| You're going to read article as a bomb. | ||
| Yeah, right? | ||
| Bombs are scary. | ||
| Dude, marketing is fucking everything. | ||
| I thought this shit, like when we were just talking about the uncircumcised, like even that term is so dumb. | ||
| Right, it's a normal dick. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, that's what it is. | ||
| It's a dick. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Why would we even use that? | |
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right? | |
| Well, what's crazy is that it's more common to be cut... | ||
| It's more common that a dick is sliced off when you're a baby. | ||
| Yes! | ||
| They take the cap off than it is... | ||
| And then when it's not, we're like, why didn't your parents cut your cock when you were born? | ||
| What about that? | ||
| Why do you have the blanket over the top of the head? | ||
| Cut that off. | ||
| Expose that. | ||
| Dry that head out. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Weird. | ||
| Yeah, it's just- Marketing, man. | ||
| You get people to believe anything. | ||
| It's like you got to grow it into them. | ||
| There's this- I feel like I tell this story every single time I'm talking on a podcast, but there's this great thing about how Nescafe broke into the Japanese market. | ||
| Have you heard about this? | ||
| No. | ||
| And it's like they went to this consultant. | ||
| They're asking him, how do we get in? | ||
| And he's like, you can't get in. | ||
| And they're like, what do you mean? | ||
| He's like, it's going to be 15 years. | ||
| What are you talking about? | ||
| And he goes, well, they don't know what the fuck coffee is over there. | ||
| Okay, you're trying to be tea, you're not tea. | ||
| So what you're going to do is you're going to make a cartoon, and you're going to spend a few million on that, and then you're going to make a candy based on a cartoon, and then that candy is going to be flavored as coffee. | ||
| And when these kids grow up, they're going to have this memory of coffee and the flavor of the smell of coffee. | ||
| And I think last week they just opened the biggest Starbucks in the world in Tokyo. | ||
| And these people devour coffee like no other. | ||
| And the idea is like the takeaway for me, the reason why I tell the story all the time is like change comes from underneath. | ||
| So is this how they approached it? | ||
| They actually did it that way? | ||
| That's the same guy. | ||
| The consultant, Rapai, I think his name is. | ||
| And he's a book or something I'll call The Culture Code. | ||
| My buddy's doing like a series with him, trying to break it down. | ||
| But the idea is like, if you want to change any... | ||
| It's the same reason why I did my shit on YouTube. | ||
| It's like, if you want to change any industry or something like that, it's never going to come within the traditional structure. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| It's like... | ||
| I would never be able to do the type of jokes I was doing on... | ||
| Maybe you are and the bigs can, but me, they'd be like, that joke's about trans people. | ||
| You can't do that, etc. | ||
| So it's like, if I want to make it okay, I got to do it outside. | ||
| I have to go a little bit outside of the industry and make it okay. | ||
| And the way they were thinking was, hey, let's get underneath and just fucking grow these ideas in. | ||
| I feel like that's why we fight wars over ideas all the time, right? | ||
| It's like people understand, oh shit, if people start believing in socialism or whatever the new thing they want us to be afraid of now, they believe in it and it sounds good enough, they'll want it. | ||
| So we gotta nip this in the bud in Vietnam. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know? | ||
| There's a little bit of that. | ||
| I mean, Vietnam was super complicated. | ||
| Depending on who you ask, most likely it was about heroin. | ||
| A lot of it. | ||
| The whole war, you think? | ||
| A lot of it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| A lot of it was about the heroin trade. | ||
| Billions and billions and billions of dollars controlling the heroin trade. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, 100%. | ||
| More so than the spread of this ideology. | ||
| A lot of Afghanistan is about the heroin trade. | ||
| My understanding was, yeah, I understood that a little bit more. | ||
| Heroin ramped up radically. | ||
| Look, there's all sorts of positive aspects to most of the ideas that they push. | ||
| There's positive aspects to trying to stop terrorism. | ||
| There's positive aspects to trying to stop radical fundamentalists from taking over parts of the world and radicalizing segments of the population and making these terrorist cells and attacking cities and doing a lot of things that we know really do happen. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| But what's also true, it's a hotbed for heroin. | ||
| So it's a win-win. | ||
| There's a Geraldo Rivera segment on Fox News where Geraldo Rivera was talking to Soldiers who were guarding poppy fields and they were explaining that the US soldiers had to guard the fucking heroin because this is how they got these Afghani farmers to cooperate against the radical fundamentalists that were running these religious sects. | ||
| Watch this shit. | ||
| Put the headphones on. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| Fighting the opium trade. | ||
| This town in the middle of Helmand province was the easy part. | ||
| The hard part now is governing this province, a province, as you suggest, that has become addicted to opium in many, many ways. | ||
| That is the principal crop that is being grown here. | ||
| The Taliban lend the farmers the money. | ||
| They are indebted to the Taliban. | ||
| They have to grow the opium. | ||
| Now the Marines and their success are, in a sense, a victim of their success because now the population is, you know, they have these opium fields and we are tolerating it. | ||
| We are tolerating the cultivation of the opium because we know that if we were to destroy it now, the population would turn against the Marines and it would be a real... | ||
| Let me introduce Lieutenant Colonel Brian Christmas. | ||
| He's the commanding officer of the 3rd Battalion, 6th Marines. | ||
| Really, a wonderful group of Marines here. | ||
| Is this okay to play on YouTube, or is this going to be a problem? | ||
| Let's pull this now. | ||
| Stop now, because they're getting heavy-handed against copyright violation. | ||
|
unidentified
|
This is interesting because this is the gray area we're talking about. | |
| This was early in the war. | ||
| I mean, this is like, what was that from? | ||
| I want to say that was probably from 2005. Yeah, dude, this is... | ||
| Doesn't? | ||
| Yeah, this is the gray, right? | ||
| This is, hey, this is how a country makes its money. | ||
| There's... | ||
| It's not just that. | ||
| Someone's profiting. | ||
| There's fucking billions... | ||
| Don't they mean it? | ||
| For their GDP? Someone is profiting. | ||
| I do not know where the money's all going, but there are billions of dollars involved in heroin. | ||
| Billions. | ||
| People are buying it all over the world. | ||
| Ninety-something percent of it comes from Afghanistan. | ||
| Do the math. | ||
| Just do the math. | ||
| We're still there. | ||
| I mean, Sturgill Simpson wrote a bit about it, or wrote a song about it, and they played that song on Saturday Night Live, and I don't even think they knew what the fuck the song was about. | ||
| I mean, he's up there playing a song about the government being involved in the heroin trade. | ||
| I mean, there's something to it. | ||
| There's some... | ||
| And you say, oh, it's a conspiracy theory. | ||
| Stop! | ||
| Stop! | ||
| There really is billions of dollars in heroin being grown in Afghanistan. | ||
| The production of heroin really did ramp up considerably after the U.S. invasion. | ||
| Is it possible that this is their commerce? | ||
| Country singer goes on SNL, exposes Afghan heroin trade, and no one even noticed. | ||
| That's my boy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But is it possible that this is their commerce? | |
| In the same way, like, some communities fish. | ||
| This community plants poppies, and they... | ||
| Perhaps. | ||
| What are they doing with all that money? | ||
| That's the question. | ||
| Are they buying more goats? | ||
| What are they doing? | ||
| Afghani goats are delicious. | ||
| I don't know what they're doing. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I just can't imagine someone is not getting a cut of this. | ||
| And I can't imagine that there's no mainstream investigative work that's being done to sort of expose us. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I mean, I might be wrong. | ||
| Why not? | ||
| Maybe these farmers are not making all the money. | ||
| Maybe the money's all going to drug dealers and we let that happen. | ||
| That'd be fucked up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It'd be cool if they got it, but like, look, the world is fucked, bro. | |
| Like, this shit ain't peaches and cream, man. | ||
| It's like every time I see one of these stupid Senate hearings where they're like, did you do some bad things in South America? | ||
| It's like, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Bad shit happens. | ||
| When Trudeau was involved in that thing in, like, what is it, Libya? | ||
| You know, like when they were bribing, you hear about this? | ||
| Trudeau from Canada? | ||
| Yeah, there's this big scandal up there in Canada because he was involved, you know, with this company, which is a Quebec company that paid like $36 million to bribe the Libyan government. | ||
| For like some contracts. | ||
| And it's like, well yeah, that's how shit gets done over there. | ||
| You bribe the government for contracts. | ||
| And these people in the Canadian government are like, how could he? | ||
| This is against his policies. | ||
| It's like, no, no, no. | ||
| Welcome to the real world. | ||
| You're operating in the 1% of the world which has these rules. | ||
| We just made the fuck up of fairness and equality and equity and all this bullshit. | ||
| It's like the real world is, hey, I'd like to do this. | ||
| Can I give you some money and we make it happen? | ||
| The real world is Geraldo Rivera walking through heroin fields talking to a general. | ||
| That's the real fucking world! | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's a lot of that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, it would be nice if everywhere was like America. | ||
| But I don't know if it... | ||
| That's what's really fucked up, right? | ||
| Like with this Fairphone shit. | ||
| I don't know if that gets done. | ||
| I don't know if you get an iPhone unless it's getting made by someone who's making $5 a week. | ||
| I don't know if you do. | ||
| And if you do get it, how much does it cost? | ||
| Tons. | ||
| What is it, like $3,000? | ||
| How much does it cost? | ||
| Who's going to pay that? | ||
| Who's going to pay? | ||
| You're already struggling. | ||
| You already got two kids. | ||
| You have bills to pay. | ||
| You're going to spend $3,000 when you're already struggling. | ||
| We're operating from a place where we have some excess. | ||
| People are trying to make it every day here. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| They don't give up. | ||
| That's why the election shit is so simple to me. | ||
| Like, the Democrats are going to offer money and Republicans are going to offer jobs. | ||
| And you see it happening right now. | ||
| It's like every platform for the Dems on some level is, here's some money. | ||
| Hey, we should look into reparations. | ||
| Here's some money. | ||
| Your boy Yang was on here. | ||
| Why don't we just give everybody a thousand dollars? | ||
| Here's some money. | ||
| You're just giving money, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Let's break up Facebook and da-da-da-da. | ||
| Well, that's one of the reasons why, for hard-working people, the Republicans are so attractive, even though a lot of people, they fall into a lower-income community. | ||
| They're not these rich cats. | ||
| They would think they would be looking to have big business succeed, but the message is that you roll up your sleeves and you get to work, and that you work hard. | ||
| You don't get a free ride, and they like that. | ||
| That's also one of the reasons why people... | ||
| That are Republicans are more likely to be involved in churches and a lot of church-going organizations because that's where their community comes from and community support. | ||
| Instead of getting community support from the government, they get community support from local churches. | ||
| That's a good point. | ||
| So you have your support, you have your… We all need that, man. | ||
| That's something that really is missing with atheists. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Community. | ||
| And they're miserable. | ||
| I've never met this happy atheist. | ||
| It's like, they're vegans. | ||
| It's like, stop convincing me that God doesn't... | ||
| If you believe it, we're good. | ||
| You don't need to convince me. | ||
| If you are trying to convince me, it's because you don't believe it. | ||
| Well, it's not that they don't believe it. | ||
| It's just that they're overzealous. | ||
| Dude, people who are overzealous are overcompensating for something, right? | ||
| A lot of times. | ||
| What are you overcompensating for with God? | ||
| Because you know shit is bigger than you. | ||
| Because you fucking look up sometimes and you're looking at the stars and you're like, fuck, something's up. | ||
| I don't know what it is. | ||
| I don't know if it's God. | ||
| I don't know if it's aliens. | ||
| I don't know what's going on, but you are minuscule. | ||
| And that's hard for people to take, man. | ||
| But you think that's why they're really into pushing atheism? | ||
| I think it's because the religion that they see is so offensively stupid. | ||
| I mean, look, there was a funny thing that happened the other day where Pete Davidson did a joke on SNL about the Catholic Church and the Catholic Church demanded an apology. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Forgive him. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You're the forgiveness people. | ||
| Why do you need an apology? | ||
| How about he made a joke about child molesting and you guys are the number one kid fucking organization in the world. | ||
| How about stop worrying about jokes and paying attention to the fact that you basically run a kid fucking organization that also sells Jesus. | ||
| KFF. Get a fucking factory, bro. | ||
| That's what it is, man. | ||
| In a lot of ways. | ||
| But at the same time, there's the gray area because they do a lot of fucking good. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| They save a lot of people's lives. | ||
| They feed a lot of people, right? | ||
| Yep. | ||
| So it's like... | ||
| They give people community. | ||
| They give people a place to connect. | ||
| We're in the most connected time in history and we're the most fucking disconnected. | ||
| Think about that. | ||
| We've got a million friends on Facebook and all these other things and people are lonely. | ||
| Because we're connected with electronic devices and we're not that connected with life. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And we're connected to outcome. | ||
| We're connected to, oh, did this picture I post get enough likes? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Right? | ||
| That's where they really fuck people. | ||
| With likes. | ||
| Once they figured out how to get people, like, supremely addicted to interactions and exchanges and likes, man. | ||
| Dude, you know when, like, you know movies in the morning, you wake up and you smoke a cigarette? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| Right? | ||
| Like, that was what the movies we watched coming up, like, that was the first thing that the badass or something like that did in the movie. | ||
| Wake up, roll over, undo the pack, you know, whatever. | ||
| It will be look at your phone's mentions. | ||
| There's going to be some of that. | ||
| That's going to be what these characters do. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| So it's like, what do you do? | ||
| You got kids? | ||
| Do you say no? | ||
| How do you teach your kid? | ||
| I don't have kids, so I don't know. | ||
| But like, I think about this all the time. | ||
| How do I teach my kid to not put his whole fucking value in the hands of... | ||
| Get him involved in sports. | ||
| Because you learn... | ||
| Yeah, you learn reality. | ||
| You learn reality. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| If you don't get that ball in the net, it does not score. | ||
| You know? | ||
| There's no points for effort. | ||
| It doesn't work that way. | ||
| You've got to learn what real life is. | ||
| And you've got to learn that it feels uncomfortable to fail. | ||
| But that uncomfortable feeling that you get is fuel. | ||
| Will you let your kids fail? | ||
| Will you let them fall on their face? | ||
| They fall on their face all the time. | ||
| My kids do sports. | ||
| They've been involved in athletics in some form, whether it's martial arts or gymnastics, since they were little. | ||
| They do things that are difficult. | ||
| We do stuff as a family that are difficult. | ||
| We do escape rooms. | ||
| We play games. | ||
| We do things that are hard. | ||
| I don't let them win. | ||
| Good. | ||
| My little one, I let her win sometimes and stuff. | ||
| We play carnival games against each other or something like that. | ||
| Carnival games? | ||
| Yeah, like go to like Circus Circus. | ||
| Like when I was in Vegas, I was in Vegas for this thing that my daughter was doing, so I took my youngest daughter to Circus Circus playing these carnival games. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| I let her beat me a bunch of times. | ||
| Shh, dog. | ||
| But we're having fun. | ||
| We're just laughing, being silly, talking trash to each other, too. | ||
| She high-fives me and stuff. | ||
| It's fun. | ||
| But I think there's value in learning that it sucks to lose, because that makes you reassess what you did, that the other person did better, and how do I beat them. | ||
| It's like when we're talking about weed, about weed making you nervous and makes you paranoid. | ||
| I like that. | ||
| What I like is, look, I'm entirely too successful. | ||
| I like to feel vulnerable. | ||
| I think there's a lot of good to that. | ||
| Legitimately, I like that feeling because it makes me more connected. | ||
| It makes me more humble. | ||
| What do you mean you're too successful? | ||
| Well, you can only have so much success in this life before you start Thinking that you're different than other people. | ||
| You're thinking that you're something special. | ||
| Look, if you're on a path, right? | ||
| If everybody's on a path and you start off here and then X amount of years later, you're way away. | ||
| You can start thinking, oh, I'm better than all those motherfuckers. | ||
| But you're not. | ||
| You just have been on this path longer and you haven't fallen off of it. | ||
| You've figured out what you need to do to stay on that path. | ||
| We know a lot of people that were on the path at one time in their career and then something happened and they lost their enthusiasm or their body wasn't as healthy or whatever the fuck happened and they dropped off. | ||
| I'm still on that path. | ||
| Why? | ||
| Because I figured it out. | ||
| What is it? | ||
| Keep going. | ||
| Keep going. | ||
| Don't be a pussy. | ||
| Keep working. | ||
| Improve. | ||
| Objectively analyze your performance. | ||
| Look at what you're doing wrong. | ||
| Treat everything with respect. | ||
| Treat all of your endeavors with focus and intensity and intention. | ||
| Look at what you're doing. | ||
| And pay attention. | ||
| And do the work. | ||
| Do the goddamn work. | ||
| Do the writing. | ||
| Do the performing. | ||
| You'll see me. | ||
| I'll do four or five sets a night in L.A. I'm doing 15, 20 minutes, half hour. | ||
| I'll do an hour here. | ||
| I'll go down to Ice House. | ||
| I'll do an hour at the Ice House. | ||
| I'm doing two shows at the Ice House tomorrow night. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| I go. | ||
| I go. | ||
| There's no excuses. | ||
| I go. | ||
| To me, the way I've got it set up, it's great. | ||
| My kids go to bed. | ||
| By the time my kids are in bed, I leave. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You're out. | |
| I say goodnight. | ||
| I tuck them in. | ||
| I'm out the door. | ||
| I'm headed to the club. | ||
| I'm home in four hours. | ||
| And when I'm done, I get in front of the computer and I write. | ||
| I write. | ||
| I get up in the morning. | ||
| I see them off to school. | ||
| Go back to sleep. | ||
| Or I go to the gym. | ||
| I get things done. | ||
| Keep moving. | ||
| Got to keep moving. | ||
| You're a shark. | ||
| My job is the task. | ||
| It's like, my job is, I'm trying, like right now it's the most exciting time for me in my career arc, my comedy arc. | ||
| Because my comedy arc is put out a special. | ||
| It's very exciting when you're putting out a special. | ||
| But then the most exciting time is, you know, my special came out in October. | ||
| So then those months afterwards where it's this mad rush to create a new... | ||
| A new hour. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And solidifying perspectives and honing material and uncovering new layers and looking at it and reanalyzing it and stepping back and listening to it drunk and listening to it sober and smoking weed and going over it again and just spending time mashing the keys, spending time looking at the notes, all that. | ||
| You can type your stuff? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, type. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| It's very valuable to be able to type. | ||
| Because you can get out your thoughts way quicker than you can writing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Writing makes you remember it better, though. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| You remember it better when you write it down physically on paper. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So if you look at my notebooks, I'm like a maniac. | ||
| I write the same thing over and over and over again. | ||
| Because I'm just writing down my sets. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Writing down my bits and the key parts of the bits so that I have them solid in my brain. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| But my writing, in terms of my most prolific creation of things that I never thought of before, comes out writing with a keyboard, writing on a computer. | ||
| But can you write how you speak? | ||
| Nope. | ||
| But I don't have to. | ||
| I just have to come up with gems. | ||
| So the gem is here, and then you flesh. | ||
| I write in essay form. | ||
| Ah! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes, yes, yes, yes. | |
| So say if I was going to write a bit about Geraldo Rivera and the Poppy Seeds, I would smoke a joint, and I would sit down, and I would just go, Geraldo Rivera with his porn mustache, strolling around these train killers in Afghanistan, wearing his goofy-ass fucking tie. | ||
| I wonder how those dudes think about Geraldo Rivera. | ||
| Strutting around, puffing his chest out, hanging around. | ||
| All these guys have been blowing people's brains out for the last six months, protecting America, while they're also simultaneously protecting heroin. | ||
| Like, what the fuck kind of feeling is that? | ||
| When your boy gets shot protecting a fucking heroin field, and it doesn't even make it into the paper, and then I'll just start going and going and going and going, and I might type out a few thousand words, and then when I go back, I might have two lines left. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Or a seed. | ||
| Then I'll take that seed on stage and then I'll try to see if I can water that bitch or if it's toxic. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| I don't know. | ||
| You don't know. | ||
| How long will you give the toxic bit? | ||
| Depends. | ||
| Depends on the bit. | ||
| Some bits are just juicy right out of the box. | ||
| Some bits you just start them up and you're like, oh, we got one, kids. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| But what about the ones that like... | ||
| What about the ones that don't work, but you know there's something there? | ||
| How long will you seed it? | ||
| How long will you water it? | ||
| Depends on how intense it is. | ||
| It depends on what's there for me. | ||
| I had this bit about Bruce Jenner, what really happened with Bruce Jenner. | ||
| I had to try to figure out, how do I make fun of this guy becoming a woman? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, how do I figure out how to do this? | ||
| And the way to do it for me was to make fun of myself living with all women. | ||
| Because I have a wife and I have three daughters. | ||
| And it's like all this feminine energy around me. | ||
| And like that they diminish my manhood. | ||
| So that I had this like that I've never been happier. | ||
| But yeah, I've never been more of a bitch in my life. | ||
| And I had this whole long path. | ||
| And then it got to, you know, I've never been more of a bitch in my life. | ||
| But I'm telling you this, I'm not going out like Bruce Jenner. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Boom. | |
| And the whole thing was, and people were like, what? | ||
| I go, look, someone's got to fucking say it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I go, yeah. | |
| Everyone's like, oh, he's a woman trapped in a man's body. | ||
| I'm like, maybe. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| Or, maybe if you live with crazy bitches long enough, you fucking become one. | ||
| Okay? | ||
| And then I got into this whole bit about the Kardashians becoming like these gargoyles and hovering over his bed and talking to him while he's sleeping. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's like... | |
| But I had to figure out a way to do that bit. | ||
| It took a long time. | ||
| Yeah, that's something I would love for people to know. | ||
| I do this show called Inside Jokes where I just get comics to come and we take our most divisive premises that don't work and we work it out together. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And it'll be so cool to do it with you, man. | ||
| We'll do it. | ||
| I'll definitely do it. | ||
| That'd be sick. | ||
| You know, Chris Rock went through that with probably one of his most famous bits. | ||
| One of his most famous bits is, I love black people, I hate N-words. | ||
| So that bit is one of his most popular all-time bits. | ||
| He told me he bombed with that for a year. | ||
| Yeah! | ||
| A year. | ||
| He said he couldn't get it to work. | ||
| But Chris is a fucking workhorse. | ||
| Some people don't know about Chris, man. | ||
| This is a great story that exposed everything about him. | ||
| He was filming his special at the Apollo in New York. | ||
| And there was an after party for his own special that he left so that he could go work on that set at the Strip. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| So that's work. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's what you gotta do, man. | ||
| The guy didn't become one of the biggest stand-ups of all time. | ||
| Same with Kevin Hart. | ||
| Kev works. | ||
| Yeah, he works. | ||
| Go to his Instagram. | ||
| It makes you tired. | ||
| Exhausting. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We get it. | ||
| You can jog. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| With him, he's like our joke version of The Rock. | ||
| You know? | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Because it fucking never ends. | ||
| It's all private jets and hitting the gym and fucking concerts in front of 50 million people. | ||
| It's the same shit, man. | ||
| This isn't an accident. | ||
| The ones who, when it is an accident, they get exposed. | ||
| The ones that are faking the funk... | ||
| Boy, that's the reason why Netflix took out the fucking thumbs up, thumbs down. | ||
| You know, all that shit. | ||
| Remember when they... | ||
| Because there was a few of those specials that... | ||
| Look, there's specials that have been on comedy, on HBO. I don't know what you're talking about, bro. | ||
| There's been ones on YouTube. | ||
| YouTube is interesting because they still have this thumbs up, thumbs down. | ||
| You know, which people do game, but the reality of that thumbs up, thumbs down is you get to see what the fuck people really think. | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| To a certain extent. | ||
| I think it's 100% bullshit at this point. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Come on. | ||
| It was useful, but now... | ||
| Back to your point that you have a whole bit about. | ||
| How many thumbs up and thumbs down have you ever clicked on? | ||
| Zero. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So a certain subset of the population is thumbs up and thumbs down. | ||
| It's like Yelp. | ||
| Well, it's the people who leave comments. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Or write reviews for fucking food. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| I think Madrigal has a... | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Have you heard of Madrigal's bit about that? | ||
| No. | ||
| Does he have a good bit about it? | ||
| I forget. | ||
| I don't want to butcher it, but it's something about someone left a three out of five review, and it's like... | ||
| Who the fuck are you? | ||
| Like, I get if you loved it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Or you hated it. | ||
| Right. | ||
| That's a good point. | ||
| Right about it. | ||
| Well, some people fancy themselves to be like foodies and a journalist, you know, exploring the subtle nuances of cuisine. | ||
| If you're hungry, it's good. | ||
| It is, but when you see a guy like Andrew Zimmerman traveling around the world and doing that, or you see Anthony Bourdain or a lot of these people, you think, I want to be like that. | ||
| Bourdain, the food was a lens for culture, though. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Right? | ||
| It was more than just food. | ||
| It was like, what does this food say about the people? | ||
| Some of the other guy, like, I mean, I don't know, Zimmerman, what is it, the weird food guy? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, first of all, he looks like a salmon, and it's just weird to, like... | ||
| Just fucking stare at this guy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Do you know what I mean? | |
| It's just odd. | ||
| A salmon! | ||
| When you look at him, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's just... | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| He's making his way up a fish ladder. | ||
| He's trying to get up the stream. | ||
| He's a salmon! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bro, he's a salmon. | |
| I would say a tuna. | ||
| Okay, he's got a little tuna in him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hmm. | |
| Handsome fella. | ||
| Gorgeous. | ||
| He could be on a bill. | ||
| Um, anyway. | ||
| Yeah, I don't know why the fuck they're leaving these things. | ||
| But it's, you know, some people want a voice. | ||
| But they got rid of it because they invested so much money in certain things that were getting down likes and I was like, alright, let's... | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Like, I guess they were doing it with Starz, right? | ||
| Was it Starz with Netflix? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, they pulled the Starz system. | ||
| Too bad I had a lot of motherfucking Starz, bitch. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, people are gonna watch yours regardless. | |
| I think you give them an added value. | ||
| There's certain people that give Netflix the added value, and there's certain people that want the value from Netflix. | ||
| But it's also they're documenting some of the greatest stand-up specials in the history of stand-up. | ||
| There's like the Chappelle specials, the two recent ones that he did. | ||
| They're putting that stuff out there, and they're doing it in a way where no one else would do it. | ||
| Like HBO, which was the gold standard for the longest time, they would never do two Dave Chappelle specials at the same time. | ||
| Netflix is like, okay. | ||
| Dave's like, I got this new shit I want to do. | ||
| I'm going to do it in the belly room or the comedy store. | ||
| You know, and Dave was so ridiculous about it. | ||
| Dave and I were downstairs while he was doing this, while he was filming this. | ||
| We were downstairs in the smoking area of the comedy store, getting high as fuck. | ||
| And he was so casual about it. | ||
| He was like, hey man, you want to do a set? | ||
| You did a set on the bird? | ||
| I said, no, no, I just want to watch. | ||
| I said, no, no, I did three sets tonight. | ||
| I'm just going to chill and hang out in the back of the room. | ||
| But he's so relaxed. | ||
| During his special being taped, he's offering me a guest set. | ||
| He's like, hey, man, you want to do a set? | ||
| He still shows up. | ||
| He'll fly to places and show up and just do guest sets. | ||
| I was in Denver. | ||
| I come out the green room. | ||
| It's Friday night. | ||
| And Chappelle's in the green room. | ||
| And I go, hey man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He goes, hey Joe. | |
| I go, what are you doing? | ||
| He's like, man, I just feel like coming to Denver. | ||
| I go, you want to do a set? | ||
| He's like, oh yeah, fuck it. | ||
| So I bring him up on stage. | ||
| The audience is leaving. | ||
| They're leaving. | ||
| And I said, come back. | ||
| Dave Chappelle's here. | ||
| And they're like, what? | ||
| And everybody comes back. | ||
| He does 40 minutes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It was amazing! | ||
| That's how he's doing it. | ||
| He's doing it for the art. | ||
| He's not doing it because he's making any money. | ||
| He did a free 40-minute show for these people that came there to see me. | ||
| He fucking loves it. | ||
| It's true with him, man. | ||
| He's a perfect example of it just being true. | ||
| He'll show up Monday night at the Comedy Store in front of 13 people and he'll go on stage and he'll do a half an hour in front of 13 people. | ||
| And he'll drink, and he'll smoke cigarettes, and he'll talk shit, and laugh at his own jokes, and everybody has one of the most magical experiences as an audience member you could ever have. | ||
| I was a young comic in New York, and there was a place called the Comedy Village, which was the Boston. | ||
| Do you remember the Boston? | ||
| Yeah, I remember. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sure. | |
| So it became Comedy Village. | ||
| When did it become the Village? | ||
| It's done now, but now it's like a Japanese restaurant. | ||
| Japs restaurant, no. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ha! | |
| Ha! | ||
| Cut it, Jamie, cut it! | ||
| No, but there's a, and this is, I'm young, like barking, asking people to come in off the street. | ||
| Right. | ||
| How old were you when you started? | ||
|
unidentified
|
23? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| And Chappelle comes in, And when he gets on stage, there's probably 13 people on the crowd, right? | ||
| And the fucking word gets out. | ||
| And you just see people start slowly, it's like goldfish, you know what I mean? | ||
| When they can send some little, or ducks or something like that, when they sense the bread's coming in the pond. | ||
| And the place was packed within like 20 minutes. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| People outside. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It was just, everybody texting their friend, oh my god, Chappelle's here, da-da-da-da, it was so crazy. | |
| And he did six hours. | ||
| What?! | ||
| Bro. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Unreal, dude. | ||
| Unreal. | ||
| There were girls like falling asleep or something. | ||
| Maybe four hours. | ||
| Maybe four hours. | ||
| Something like that. | ||
| It was one of these long ones. | ||
| It was jazz, right? | ||
| It wasn't like I'm doing bits and I'm murdering the whole time. | ||
| He has this ability to make the audience comfortable in tension so that it is not anxiety-inducing. | ||
| Right? | ||
| What he can do is talk to you for five minutes straight without a punchline. | ||
| But as an audience member, you're not going, oh my god, is this guy not funny? | ||
| Well, that was when he was doing that for a while and where he wasn't doing scheduled shows. | ||
| All he was doing was these pop-ins. | ||
| And not only that, but he brought a fucking speaker and set up a microphone in the park in Seattle. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Outdoor. | |
| Outdoor. | ||
| You know he did that early on. | ||
| Yeah, I was there. | ||
| I watched it. | ||
| I watched him do it in Montreal. | ||
| In New York or in Montreal? | ||
| I saw him do it in Montreal. | ||
| We did a set together at Club Soda. | ||
| And after we got outside, we went outside and Dave just said, gather round people, gather round. | ||
| And he started doing stand-up to people in the street. | ||
| And they were like, what in the fuck? | ||
| And he was probably like 20. So, do you know William Stevenson? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Comic, rest in peace. | ||
| Sure, yeah, just died recently. | ||
| And he was one of the original comedy in the park guys, doing stand-up in the park. | ||
| Well, Charlie Barnett was the original. | ||
| And Barnett, yeah, Barnett. | ||
| And Dave would go with those dudes. | ||
| Yep, yep, yep. | ||
| And like, can you imagine a more hostile environment... | ||
| For stand-up. | ||
| Then New York City Park. | ||
| Then New York City Park! | ||
|
unidentified
|
You compete with guys doing front flips over Swedish tourists. | |
| And then there's a guy just with jokes handling his own. | ||
| It's like, then you put him on a stage with lights and fucking mic and a seat and some cigarettes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's... | |
| Yeah. | ||
| It's strength training. | ||
| It's like running with weights on. | ||
| So the question is how do we do that? | ||
| How do you find that the more successful you get when you have people that are coming to see you no matter what, where do we get our strength training? | ||
| Smoke weed and get paranoid. | ||
| That's what I'm saying. | ||
| That's what I'm saying, bro. | ||
| Feel vulnerable. | ||
| You gotta get vulnerable. | ||
| Lose control? | ||
| You gotta feel scared. | ||
| Yeah, feel nervous. | ||
| I like it. | ||
| I really do. | ||
| I joke around on stage about how I take edibles when I go to the airport, because I want to know what the fuck's really bothering me. | ||
| But it's really true. | ||
| I really do do that. | ||
| I take an edible when I fly, just so I can freak out. | ||
| Because you're too comfortable with this weird thing. | ||
| Get something out of that freaking out. | ||
| I'll find out where the holes in my game are. | ||
| I'll find out where my mental game is lacking. | ||
| What's really bothering me? | ||
| And then things that freak me out that I don't like about myself, I work on them. | ||
| I fix them. | ||
| I visit the wizard. | ||
| You've got to visit the wizard. | ||
| I wonder if this comes from having a fighting background because the one thing about fighting is if you have a hole in your game, it's exposed in the most brutal way. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Everything else in life, you can ignore the holes in your game. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| You can just be like, oh, I'm not a bad storyteller. | ||
| They were just busy. | ||
| I concentrate on my strengths. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Boxing or fight, whatever it is. | ||
| It's just like, I better keep my hand up. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| You better patch up those holes, bitch. | ||
| Maybe that's what it is with stand-up. | ||
| I think that's what it is with me. | ||
| That's my formula. | ||
| I don't recommend it to everybody because everybody doesn't have the same personality. | ||
| You might not have those same deficiencies. | ||
| It actually might be psychologically damaging to some people to get as high as I get. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Like, it might fuck with your head too much where you don't come back from it. | ||
| I come back like a nicer person. | ||
| But I'm in the same throes of fucking agony that a lot of people are when they get too high. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So you're purposely fucking yourself. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Shocking my system. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I purposely freak myself the fuck out. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you don't think you'd be able to create without it? | ||
| Oh, I definitely could. | ||
| But not as good? | ||
| I don't know if I can as good, but I know it works. | ||
| I like doing it. | ||
| I like doing it because I always benefit from it. | ||
| I feel like I come back from those little paranoid journeys like a little bit of a better person. | ||
| And I think it's been responsible, along with other psychedelics and becoming a father, all those things, maybe a better person, maybe a nicer person, maybe more compassionate, more understanding, more friendly. | ||
| Yeah, more understanding is the big one. | ||
| More just... | ||
| I get it. | ||
| I don't want to be confident all the time. | ||
| I don't want to always be successful. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| It's just like there are people listening right now that that's all they want, but they haven't experienced the other side of the coin. | ||
| Do you know what I'm saying? | ||
| But when people get too confident and then they have an audience, right? | ||
| If you have an audience. | ||
| Part of the problem is, and we've all seen this, when comics become really successful, they work to their own crowd and they don't do sets. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They don't do a set like I'll do at the store or you'll do where there's like 10 people on the line. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right, right, right. | |
| And they might be there to see Dahlia. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| They might be there to see fucking Eliza. | ||
| They might not be there to see me at all. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| But I want to hit those motherfuckers. | ||
| I want to hit them hard. | ||
| And they want to go, oh, look at this meathead. | ||
| Look at this fucking chimp-looking dude. | ||
| What's he going to say? | ||
| You can't be smart and funny. | ||
| You can't be interesting. | ||
| Whatever their biases is, I've got to figure out a way to soothe that over. | ||
| And the best way to do that is you've got to perform in hostile environments occasionally. | ||
| This is all so critical, man. | ||
| So critical. | ||
| Have good openers. | ||
| Yeah, killers. | ||
|
unidentified
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Killers. | |
| I bring murderers with me on the road. | ||
| Only way to do it. | ||
| I bring Joey Diaz on the road with me, man. | ||
| I brought Joey Diaz on the road for years. | ||
| I would tell people, they would get white in the face. | ||
| They'd be like, what? | ||
| Who opened for you in Dallas? | ||
| Oh, Diaz did. | ||
| Joey Diaz? | ||
|
unidentified
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They'd get nervous. | |
| Like, you brought Joey Diaz in front of 6,000 people? | ||
| Joey Diaz opened for you? | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah, yeah. | |
| And you ain't seen murderer. | ||
| You ain't seen a real murder. | ||
| You see Joey Diaz at the Chicago Theater in front of 3,700 people. | ||
| And the fucking lights are dimming. | ||
| Like the lights are... | ||
| He's fucking crushing so hard. | ||
| People are falling down. | ||
| They're in pain. | ||
| In pain. | ||
| Yeah, you've never seen him live? | ||
| Never seen him live. | ||
|
unidentified
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Dude. | |
| I really wanted to when I was in LA last time. | ||
|
unidentified
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I'll set it up. | |
| How long are you in town for? | ||
| I gotta go tomorrow. | ||
| You leaving tomorrow? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah. | |
| Is he around tonight? | ||
| I'll find out. | ||
| I would love to just check on him. | ||
| He might be doing a set at the store tonight. | ||
| I'll ask him. | ||
| He's the GOAT, in my opinion. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Whoa! | ||
| I've never seen anybody funnier. | ||
|
unidentified
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Whoa! | |
| He might not be the best writer, he might not have the most consistently crafted hours, but in terms of the highest highs, that motherfucker breaks through the magnetosphere and he wiggles out into the outer atmosphere of space like no one. | ||
| He hits these highs where, like... | ||
| Comics are crying, like holding your stomach crying, and he's screaming and yelling, and it's like, you ain't seen nothing like it, man. | ||
| I wrote about it. | ||
| I put it on my Instagram the other day. | ||
| He crushed so hard, and I can't even say what he was talking about. | ||
| I don't want to butcher it. | ||
| He crushes so hard. | ||
| And with such controversial material. | ||
| So unapologetic. | ||
|
unidentified
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Good. | |
| Push. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| At one point in time, people were like, what the fuck? | ||
| He goes, what do you want from me? | ||
| I'm almost dead. | ||
| You think I give a fuck? | ||
| And people were dying. | ||
| I mean, dying. | ||
| I don't think there's ever been a person... | ||
| I've seen everybody, dude. | ||
| I've seen everybody. | ||
| From Rock to Chappelle to Louis C.K. I watched Sam Kinison when he was alive. | ||
| I saw Bill Hicks when he was alive. | ||
| I opened up... | ||
| I had to follow Pryor when he was dying. | ||
| For five weeks in a row. | ||
| But I saw Pryor live. | ||
| I've seen everybody live. | ||
| I saw Martin Lawrence and he's in his prime. | ||
| People forget how funny Martin Lawrence was. | ||
| He was destroyed. | ||
| I saw him back when he was wearing leather jumpsuits. | ||
| He would go on stage with V-neck leather jumpsuits and smash, smash. | ||
| I would have to go on after him. | ||
| But I never saw anybody like Joey. | ||
| Joey's on another level. | ||
|
unidentified
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Who's your toughest follow? | |
| Joey! | ||
| Without a doubt. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| You gotta ride that wave. | ||
| But that's what's good about it. | ||
| It's like if you're funny and you're working on your stuff and you enjoy comedy, you go on stage already laughing. | ||
| So you go on stage already in a good mood. | ||
| That's what's up. | ||
| Part of being a tough follow is two things. | ||
| One, you're used to going on after Scrubs. | ||
| And there's a lot of guys that are good comics, but they like to bring Scrubs in the row with them. | ||
| And then they get settled in in that easy sort of environment. | ||
| I'm going to save the show. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| There's a lot of guys that do that, man. | ||
| They'll take guys in the row with them that really are barely professionals. | ||
| And these guys are filling theaters. | ||
| And they're bringing... | ||
| Weak acts. | ||
| And they force this audience to sit through a half an hour of bullshit before they go on stage. | ||
| And then there's guys who don't do it like that. | ||
| Look, I don't know who was doing it that way before I was doing it. | ||
| But my thought was, if a guy makes me nervous when I go on after him, that's going to make me ramp it up. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| I don't walk on stage cold. | ||
| I'm backstage throwing punches and doing jumping jacks. | ||
| I'm doing breathing exercises. | ||
| When I come on stage, I'm fucking guns blazing, man. | ||
| If you go on after Joey Diaz, when he hits that crescendo, you better be ready. | ||
| When you came into the store, I remember I was about to ask you something, and you were on the wall, and then you just folded in half and touched your toes. | ||
| And I was like, what the fuck is going on? | ||
| I can barely touch my ankles. | ||
| All right, this is ritual. | ||
| I'm going to let him do his thing before he gets on. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, I loosen up. | |
| Yeah, I get loose. | ||
| And I figured out that over time. | ||
| You can just walk on stage and everything will be fine. | ||
| Or you walk on stage with already, you got some intention. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Sometimes I got to remind myself of certain things to get up there. | ||
| The most important thing I learned is reminding myself that this crowd wasn't at the last show. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, sometimes you would take that energy from the early show when you're just bodying it and you're like, oh, I got this. | ||
| Let's go. | ||
| Let's just walk right in. | ||
| They went there. | ||
| They didn't see you killed. | ||
| Can't do that. | ||
| Can't do that. | ||
| Run it back. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know? | ||
| You gotta always appreciate the audience's attention span. | ||
| And that's something that I've really learned from Boston. | ||
| In Boston, it's cold as fuck. | ||
| The women aren't the prettiest in the world. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And people are angry. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And they gotta work in the morning. | ||
| You better be ready on a Tuesday night. | ||
| I did this thing, and it never got picked up, but I put it out as part of this series. | ||
| Essentially, I emulated Bourdain's thing. | ||
| I wanted to look at a city through the lens of comedy instead of food. | ||
| The first city I picked was Boston, because all my favorite comics are from Boston. | ||
| I'm like, why the fuck has this city produced so much funny? | ||
| Savage immigrant people. | ||
| Is that it? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But it's no matter what type of funny. | ||
| Patrice O'Neal is my GOAT, right? | ||
| So it's like... | ||
| He's one of the GOATs for sure. | ||
| You can do one-liners. | ||
| Bill Burr is too. | ||
| Burr. | ||
| Whatever. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Stephen... | |
| Stephen Wright. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Stephen Wright. | |
| Do you know what I mean? | ||
| Conan is from the area. | ||
| We're talking about all different types of comedy. | ||
| Silverman's, I think, from New Hampshire or something like that, right? | ||
| But there's something about the region that no matter what style... | ||
| You see? | ||
| You're funny. | ||
| Come from here. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Where you're from? | ||
| Area? | ||
| What part is it? | ||
| Newton. | ||
| Newton. | ||
| Boston. | ||
| You're actually- Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| I started in Boston. | ||
| I knew you started there, but I didn't know if you were from the city or- Well, I was born in New Jersey, but I lived all throughout my high school years and everything. | ||
| I lived in Boston. | ||
| So it's like, what the fuck is it about this city- It's cold. | ||
| It's cold as fuck. | ||
| It's cold in Minnesota. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's something there, man. | ||
| Minnesota's too cold. | ||
| Ah, it needs to be warming up to talk to people. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You need to be warm enough before you go outside. | ||
| Also, well, you know, it's a scene. | ||
| It's like a scene has to be established, too, because Boston does not have the scene it used to have in the 80s. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| But L.A. has a better scene than ever. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| And scenes are fluid. | ||
| They come and they go. | ||
| You know, like Denver has a scene, and they have a scene because of Wendy, who owns the comedy works. | ||
| Because the comedy works, yeah, yeah. | ||
| from places that have scenes and barry crimbins and lenny clark and steve sweeney and don gavin all those guys that were part of the ding ho in the 1980s and steve was on my podcast last week yeah those guys created a scene and through that scene and because they were all competing with each other for spots on the tonight show and all these different little venues they they created a monster dynamic where all these young guys were coming up following these killers | ||
| and i was very fortunate to be one of those guys and And that's why I wanted to talk to Steve and tell him that on the show. | ||
| I saw that fucking guy. | ||
| I saw that guy murder, murder. | ||
| And nobody was watching in terms of the national audience. | ||
| It was just Boston. | ||
| But... | ||
| He would go on stage at Nick's Comedy Stop and level the crowd. | ||
| Leveled it. | ||
| Like a fucking hydrogen bomb dropped in the middle of the room. | ||
| Just boom! | ||
| So you learn what killing is. | ||
| I feel like one of the toughest things about the alternative scenes, and I'm not knocking necessarily the comedy, but... | ||
| The litmus test for murdering is different. | ||
| When I was coming up in New York and I had to follow, rest in peace, Mike DiStefano, Greer Barnes, guys that maybe are not household names. | ||
| People don't know Greer. | ||
| Greer is a beast. | ||
| Greer and I did shows together. | ||
| We did colleges together back on the road way in the 90s. | ||
| If you want to know, at least for me, if you want to know what Chappelle is, Chappelle is Tony Woods and Greer. | ||
| He is a... | ||
| Tony Woods is another beast. | ||
| Tony is unfathomable, but he is the gremlin that popped off of both of their backs. | ||
| If you could mold them together, everything that is amazing about Tony and amazing about Greer... | ||
| Well, I mean, that's how it is with music. | ||
| That's how it is with everything. | ||
| We need each other. | ||
| You know, that's why when I see a guy like you coming up, I'm like, ooh, good. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| I'm happy you're around. | ||
| I like it. | ||
| I like comedy. | ||
| If I stop doing comedy tomorrow, I want more comedy to watch. | ||
| I love laughing. | ||
| That's why I tell you, I sit down and watch Joey Diaz. | ||
| I fucking love comedy. | ||
| You know? | ||
| But the thing about Joey is, Joey has new material all the fucking time. | ||
| You go see Joey now, and you see him four months from now, you'll see a whole new set. | ||
| Yeah, I gotta see Joey while I'm out here. | ||
| He's the best, man. | ||
| Let me know if he's doing a spot. | ||
| You watch him, I'm gonna try to see if he's... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Where's he at? | |
| You guys have a show, I think, so... | ||
| Maybe I'll run over at the comedy store. | ||
| What time? | ||
| 8 o'clock show. | ||
| Oh, he's on the 8 o'clock show? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, you're on the 8 o'clock show. | ||
| Well, he'll probably be on later. | ||
| I'll find out when he's up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Whose show's tonight at the Comedy Store? | ||
| He's on the show a year before, the 8 o'clock version of the Skylar Show. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Am I on that tonight? | ||
| 10 o'clock, I think. | ||
| I am? | ||
| Well, that's what it said. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Oh, yeah, I guess I am. | ||
| All right. | ||
| I forgot. | ||
| Well, I know I have a set at the store. | ||
| I guess I have two. | ||
| Yeah, I just got to see him. | ||
| Let's wrap this up, Andrew. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| Here we go. | ||
| Skylar Stone. | ||
| Oh, look at that. | ||
| I'm on that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Gang. | |
| Interesting. | ||
| All right. | ||
| Beautiful. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Cool. | |
| All right, motherfuckers. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| Tell everybody where to find your shit. | ||
| Oh, YouTube. | ||
| YouTube.com slash TheAndrewSchultz. | ||
| You check out... | ||
| TheAndrewSchultz. | ||
| Yeah, Andrew Schultz was taken. | ||
| No T in Schultz. | ||
| And then Twitter and Instagram, just Andrew Schultz. | ||
| And yeah, check out the special, man, if you love it. | ||
| And if you like it, share it with your friends. | ||
| That'd be awesome. | ||
| If not, I appreciate you even just watching. | ||
| Thank you so much for having me, man. | ||
| This was a fucking great combo. | ||
| Thanks for being you. | ||
| I'm excited. | ||
| I appreciate you, man. | ||
| I love seeing guys like you come up. | ||
| I appreciate you, man. | ||
| All right, bye, everybody. | ||
| We'll see you soon. |
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