Tom Segura and Sean Anders dive into Sex Drive—a flopped 2012 teen comedy (despite strong test screenings) with James Marsden and Clark Duke—before revealing Instant Family’s origin: Sean’s adoption of three siblings (ages six, three, and 18 months) after a foster care fair mishap. They critique Hollywood’s clickbait culture, where reporters twist quotes (like Sean’s trapped by Weinstein allegations), while podcasts offer raw, unfiltered dialogue. The film’s emotional honesty—inspired by real foster kids’ resilience—proves its appeal, blending humor with heartfelt drama, even as Rogan warns about sports-related brain trauma and Segura shares Miami’s chaotic improv scene. Instant Family (Nov 16) becomes a testament to adoption’s transformative power, proving that personal stories cut through media noise. [Automatically generated summary]
Well, it starts, and this is how it starts in the movie as well.
My wife and I, for years, I wasn't making any money, including after I made Sex Drive.
So I didn't really feel like I could afford to have kids.
So whenever we'd talk about it, I'd just be like...
You know, not there yet.
And then finally, when I felt like I was doing better, I was starting to get a career together, I just started to feel like I was going to be one of those old dads, you know?
Like by the time the kid was a teenager, I wasn't going to be able to play with him.
I mean, I know that there were issues with drugs, and I think there was some kind of a fire at some point, but it's all pretty sketchy as far as what you hear.
So you learn a lot about the kids themselves, but not that much about the situation.
And then when it came online and we became a family, it really became the best thing that ever happened to me.
And, you know, when John and I get together every day, we just talk about our lives a little bit.
That's how we get started.
So John had been hearing all these stories and one day he just said, I don't know why we're not doing a movie about this because nobody really knows how this works when you go into foster care and adopt kids.
So we started talking about it.
And then there was the conversation of whether it could be a comedy or not, because that's what we do.
We make comedies.
And John, again, was like, most of the stuff you've told me is really funny.
So not all of it, of course.
But that's and then we thought, wow, you know, we could approach this as a comedy.
And we might be able to get, you know, a more general audience to get their interest in it that way, because it'll feel less scary.
Because that's the problem is that most movies that are made on this topic just frighten people and people think that these kids are all are all damaged and reachable.
I think the crazy thing about this too was that on the set you realize, when we're doing this, you go like, Oh yeah, I always thought of people who do that, like you know they exist, but you're like, those are nameless, faceless angels.
They're not real people.
If you're like, do you have any of your friends at the top?
I'd be like, no, I don't have friends like that.
Those are other people.
And then you start, like on the set, there was...
You know, people visiting or consulting and there would be like, oh, you know, they adopted or they run some foster care thing.
And then you're like, oh, this is actually something that people really do.
Well, even like dudes on the crew that somebody would come up, you know, who's in the electrical department and be like, oh, hey, bro, I got I adopted two kids, by the way.
We talked about that video that went around online of this little girl that realized that she's opening up a box and there's something in it that tells her that she's been adopted by these two people that are with her.
But no, I mean, there's what you were just getting at as far as, believe me, I'm not that guy that I didn't feel special or like any one of those sort of heart of gold angels.
We have the line that's in the movie where Mark just says that's for the kind of people that volunteer when it's not even a holiday and we don't do that.
Because I don't do, this is the thing, when you direct a movie, especially movies like the kind of movies that I make, comedies and, you know, big, broad comedies, people don't really care who directed those movies.
And I'm good with that.
Like, I'm totally good with that.
But what usually happens is the studio, the director usually wants to be kind of a part of the campaign.
So the studio will find, they'll sort of throw bones at you of, like, press that you can do.
And I always tell them, look, if I can be helpful in Anyway, let me know.
I'll do whatever you need me to do.
But don't throw me any bones because I don't care.
But on my first couple movies, I thought, oh, I have to do this stuff.
And then I realized, I actually had this experience where I was in this red carpet thing, and they brought me up to this reporter, and they said, this is Sean Anders.
He directed the movie, and she had this big look on her face, and then she went like, oh, God.
You have that where I've seen them where I'm at baggage and they're looking around and then they're like, hey, Tom.
And they'll ask me like one thing and they're like, they're obviously not there for me, but they're like, they're like, we got time till fucking whatever.
I had it happen only one One time, because this obviously doesn't happen to me, that I was flying into LAX and I was getting off a red eye and I was so just tired.
I looked like shit.
And this guy, these two guys come up and they just were so nice.
They were like, hey, you're Sean Anders, right?
And I was like, yeah, yes, I am Sean Anders.
Nobody ever, you know.
And so it takes me a second to realize.
And I thought it was so weird because they were, it was right after, it was shortly after Daddy's Home and that was like the biggest hit.
And they were asking me about Horrible Bosses 2 and I was like, wow.
Why are they asking me about, of all things, horror?
And I thought, oh, because Jennifer Aniston's in it.
So they want me to say something about Jennifer Aniston and just see if they can catch me saying something crazy.
Well, what's interesting, too, is it's like sort of an impromptu Interview that you have to do, right?
Like if someone said, hey, this guy's name is Mike, he lives in Studio City, he wants you to go to his house and he's gonna film you, he's gonna ask you wacky questions.
You're like, no.
But if Mike just shows up at the baggage claim and puts that camera in your face, hey Sean, Jennifer Aniston, man, what's up with the Botox?
And then you're like, what?
What the fuck?
You wouldn't do an interview with them under any other circumstances.
Which is one of the weird things that happened during the Roseanne Barr thing.
Roseanne Barr, when her show was cancelled and all the controversy was going on, she was supposed to do the podcast.
And it became a big news thing.
Because she put it on her Twitter that I'm going to do it, and we talked about it, and then they tried to show up at the podcast studio.
So they had all these news people standing outside the podcast studio with their microphones.
We're out in front of where Joe Rogan does his podcast, and they thought for some reason, just because they're there, people have to talk to them.
I'm here.
Talk to me.
They're made out of milk.
They're barely human.
The way they talk is the most boring version of an interview you'd ever get ever.
It's a tiny, quick little sound bite, but they feel it because they're there.
Well, but, and also, if you're, I mean, I'm in the business, but again, I'm not somebody that does a tremendous amount of press, or at least not until a couple of weeks ago.
And if you're not accustomed to that, it's terrifying.
Because somebody puts a camera in your face, because immediately you're thinking, like, well, if I just go, you know what, man, fuck you, like, I don't have time for that.
That'd be worse.
Yeah, then you're going to, so you just think, like, I can't even walk away from this.
So you just feel like you're all of a sudden somebody threw a cage over you.
And then all these MAGA fucking morons, protesters, they were all sending these tweets like, POTUS, you know, he's threatening POTUS. It was so strange.
And that's the thing right there is that clickbait articles are – they all make it – it will say like so-and-so said this and they make it sound like somebody like called a press conference to say something ridiculous.
And really it was like – like you said, it will be some offhand remark and then people out there that are judging – They never have anybody walk up and put a camera in their face and they just think, well, I would never say anything like that.
You have to, and this is a mistake, and this gets back to what you were getting at before, is that when I would do press on my movies in the past, I'd go to the junket, and people would come in, and they'd ask you more or less the same questions.
And I always felt weird, because I just felt like, no, I just want to have a conversation with you.
I don't want to be like this disingenuous guy.
And then I would be sort of changing up my answers and trying to kind of...
And it just essentially just made it boring, and I wasn't really making any kind of a point whatsoever.
So...
On this one, they were like, look, you've got a message with this movie.
You've got things you want to get out with this movie.
You've got to learn how to do this.
So I went to like a day of media training and it was...
I've done interviews and I've been fine before, but I got this guy sitting across from me who's interviewing me doing this mock interview and then I've got the publicist and my writing partner and they're just staring at me and now all of a sudden I can't do it at all.
I mean that the main thing – it's kind of like what we were getting at before that when somebody is setting a trap for you.
Because so much of right now media training is just about don't go out and get yourself into trouble by going in and just talking about some ridiculous area.
Because that's what people – that's what everybody is trying to do now.
Like just as a – for example, I did a Time Magazine interview about adoption about a year before we even made the movie.
And it was just because I was in the process of working on the movie.
And anyway, so the whole thing was just about adoption in my family and whatever.
And it was right when the Harvey Weinstein stuff was blowing up.
So the lady's really nice interviewing.
And then at the end she says, hey, you know, since I'm talking to a Hollywood director, I'd be remiss if I didn't ask, did you know about that Harvey Weinstein stuff?
And I was like, no.
And I didn't even think about my answer because I don't.
You know, I didn't know the guy.
I was never around any of it.
That's sort of more like fancy movies.
And I was like, yeah, no, I don't know.
I never met the guy or whatever.
I didn't think anything of it.
I got off the phone and then I thought, oh, she didn't say, what do you think about this stuff?
So a lot of it is just to kind of teach you how to just sort of stay on point so that you don't get dragged down these weird roads into these things that people are looking to get you in on clickbait.
I think, and really what they teach you, it was funny, because believe it or not, he said, I'm going to show you some clips of, you know, sort of doing it right and doing it wrong.
And more than anything for me, because I'm from Wisconsin, and I still have that kind of everybody's nice, everybody has good intentions kind of vibe, you know?
And I had this experience on my very first movie where I talked to this reporter, because it was a movie about, it was a road trip, you It's just a silly road trip comedy.
And I talked to this reporter and he says – and he was just being – he was being really cool.
We were just kind of hanging out after this thing talking and he's like – and gas prices were really high.
And he goes, so you – he's like, you feel weird about making a road trip movie when gas prices are so high?
And I said like, I don't know.
Maybe if the movie tanks, I can just blame it on that.
No one could afford to go to the theater because the prices were so high.
And I don't think, and then this article comes out that just, the guy literally said I was swarthy looking and it just, he just painted me like an absolute piece of shit.
When I was just doing a phone interview for press before I was selling any tickets, and the guy was just a really nice guy and totally twisted things and made it seem like...
Just, like, he knows what I was saying, and he purposely twisted things around.
And it had real no impact, but I remember reading that and being like, oh, fuck this guy.
And be careful when you talk to these people, because he totally, he knows what I was trying to say, and I read this article, and I was like, he misrepresented everything.
And I gotta say, I mean, look, I did, like I said, I did 90, 95 interviews in the course of two days.
And virtually everybody was really cool, really asking really thoughtful, interesting questions.
So I don't want to make it sound like I'm ripping on the whole press over this.
But yeah, there are these people.
And that's the thing is that if it was every single person that came along, it would almost be easier because you could just kind of be like, okay, here we go.
But you get like 30 really good reporters with integrity and good people and then somebody jumps in and you're like, oh, and then they catch you not looking because you're not looking for that guy.
It's terrifying because you think about your family, your friends, like anybody who's going to, because now there is this, and I know you guys talk about this a lot, there is this culture out there where people are completely reduced to like one moment or one statement or whatever it is, and that's all you are.
Yeah.
Whatever that thing that happened in that one moment.
And, you know, you see it happening to people all the time.
And you think about – so when you're there and you feel like you're just a regular guy, you don't feel like, you know, that it's really scary because you think about your kids and you think, you know, so it's a scary situation.
Yeah, well, it's a weird time for these publications, too.
There's nothing to take into consideration.
No one's really buying magazines and newspapers like they used to.
It's hard to sell.
And so they're reduced to these online publications, and they have to compete with a bunch of These clickbaity bullshit things, and that's where the money is.
I mean, even in New York Times, man.
The New York Times is resulting to a lot of clickbaity shit now, and you're like, wow.
Well, do you guys have that feeling, like, when you're online, that you're on, like, a clickbait diet where you see things where you're like, oh, man, I totally want to eat that right now, but I'm not going to do that.
I mean, and this is the reason why I think podcast culture is coming on strong, because it's a place where people just talk and have a conversation.
And I think that fear of slipping up and people always like out there trying to get you to slip up or whatever, has people not having as much of a free exchange of ideas.
Yeah, but through these podcasts, one thing that does happen is people will take a very small clip out of context and then write a whole article about that small clip with a big click-baity headline like Tom Segura shits all over people in Somalia.
And a giant overall discussion of a topic that took place over 45 minutes, and they'll take 30 seconds of that and put a YouTube clip up, and then you get a bunch of angry people tweeting at you.
But the flip side of it is that I feel like in this time, we're developing more of an audience that is quick to call that shit out.
So while there are going to be people that take the bait and be like, what is it, and get angry, there's a bunch of people who are really quick to recognize that that's taken out of context.
Podcasts, this medium is just going to grow and people are embracing more of this long-form conversation and understanding things by talking about it for a while.
Well, and the other part of it that I think, Pete, that gets lost sometimes is that, you know, like right now we're talking about like journalists, but the great journalists are just as hurt by this stuff as everyone because the people that are really out there being thoughtful, really researching their material,
really talking to people, getting to the bottom of things, that whole journalistic work ethic that we all grew up hearing about, those people are just as threatened by this cheap, The sort of attack journalism that happens because they can't even compete with it with a really thoughtful, well-researched story.
I was talking to Matt Taibbi, who's a real journalist.
And Matt Taibbi was discussing the pieces that he wrote on Wall Street.
And the crash of 2008 and all of the fucking shenanigans that went on with that and how much just crazy shit they're allowed to do and what they can't...
What a Ponzi scheme a lot of that 2008 crash was.
And you...
When I was talking to him, I realized he had put a year into research, learning.
He did not come from a background in finance.
So he put a year into researching all the aspects of the savings and loan crisis, all the aspects of this mortgage crisis and how it took place and how they were making money off of this and how they were betting on things falling apart and moving money all the aspects of this mortgage crisis and how it took and how fucking chaotic it is and how crazy it is.
And then you think of how much time put on that and then in proportion how few people actually read that and how little it affected the actual economy itself.
Like how little things changed and how little people were outraged.
Like his article, I don't know if you ever read the Rolling Stone piece on it?
Well, let me ask you this, because I think in a weird way, this weird time that we're in right now could actually be the rebirth of that kind of journalism that you're talking about.
Because I know that when everything was getting kind of crazy and people were talking about all this, I did subscribe to the online version of some papers because I thought, I do want to support people that are actually...
People with integrity that are out there chasing stories and informing the world and helping us out.
I subscribe to a few of them, and if I go to the app, obviously everything's fine, but if I try to read it through another link, it's like, ah, you already...
Man, and now they're making a—they have, like, a miniseries coming out about it.
I remember reading it and not being able to stop reading it, and it was, like, an eight-part series in the L.A. Times about— This guy who was a sociopath who would go on to dating sites and basically bait women who were, like, divorcees, who had some money.
He was posturing as a doctor and, like, would pretend to have this really successful life and just be a pariah that would, like, suck onto these people.
And this story went...
Really deep about how this guy found this woman.
Her daughters were like grown daughters.
Immediately suspected things were wrong.
She didn't see it.
But the story unravels the way like a good book or like a thriller would, you know, would unravel in the theater.
So you're just like, like the guy, you know, he researched it.
Well, there's still – I mean for all the people that are into just short attention span, clickbait nonsense, there's still – and there's some sort of a market for actually real stories and real journalism.
I wouldn't say that that's what most of it is out there.
It's just that we get so much of...
I mean, there's such a stockpile of that stuff every day, but when it comes to the actual stories that you're reading, I don't know, maybe I'm Pollyanna about it, but I feel like there's a lot of great stuff out there.
Well, I mean, again, like I said, when I was doing my limited experience in doing this, the vast, vast, vast majority of the people that I've been talking to have been really interested in just talking about adoption and really interested in foster care and all that kind of stuff.
And it's been great.
It's been great talking to everybody.
And I think that when you have a topic like that, too, it helps because...
They're not really trying to crush you as much when you're talking to them about kids who need families and homes and that kind of thing.
You know, you have friends that join the military, and when they're in high school, they think they're really tough, and they're like, yeah, yeah, it's going to be awesome, and then they go to boot camp, and then they're like, oh, shit, this is really hard.
And then they get on top of it, and then they're good again.
But they have to go through that transition of like, oh, man, maybe I'm not as tough as I thought I was, and then they get tough.
And even what happens is you go – so for us, we had a really interesting experience where we went to an adoption fair, and that's in the movie.
It's a real thing where they – because they – You know, their budgets are stretched so tight that they'll have these outdoor events.
Not every county has them, but LA County has them, where they'll bring a bunch of kids that are in the system and a bunch of prospective parents, and they'll just have, like, games and stuff going on.
It's a really bizarre event.
And we went, you know, and you're there to meet kids, you know, to meet your kids.
And so we went there and we didn't want to have anything to do with teenagers because, you know, just because we were scared.
We thought we're not ready for that.
We just want to find like some cute little kid.
And then the teenagers are all off to the side because everybody's afraid of them.
And it's the most heartbreaking thing you've ever seen because they know why they're there.
Like they chose to be there and they know that everybody's scared of them.
So I was there and I was like, oh my god, this is the worst thing I've ever seen.
And we ended up sort of inadvertently meeting this teenage girl and her brother and sister.
And they just seemed cool and they just seemed like really good kids and just scared, scared, scared.
But we wrote them down on our sheet and just, again, not what we had planned on when we did this, but we wrote them down on our sheet and we went home knowing they were going to match us with them because no one else was going to put them down.
And we get home.
And we find out, yes, you've been matched with these kids.
And you want there to be, or I shouldn't say, I mean, I wanted there to be a certain amount of randomness, like when you have, You know, biological kids, you don't know what you're going to get.
And go into that event where you're sort of like meeting kids and it feels weird.
And so when she said there's these other three kids, we said, okay.
And then they turned out to be younger, you know, 6, 3, and 18 months.
But I never forgot meeting that girl and her brother and sister.
So when the time came that we were going to make a movie about it, that was the genesis of the Lizzie character.
I wanted to make sure there was a teenager in this movie because they're so misunderstood.
And in the process, I went out and met with a bunch of families that had adopted teen girls and then met with a lot of those girls, some of whom are grown up and some of whom are still with their families.
And this is the thing, you know, the scariness that we're all talking about.
Every one of these families that I met with, just great stories, like amazing great stories, like hard times, you know, trying to make that connection and whatever, but everybody with the same story wouldn't have it any other way, changed our life for the better, met these incredible kids, and...
But yeah, because they called and they said, we have these other three kids, and then there was going to be a meeting because they...
They won't tell you much about the kids until they really sit down with you.
And then they kind of walk through, like, here's, you know, whatever trauma, here's whatever, you know, kind of...
And again, in our case, they don't have all the information, obviously, on their past.
So they can kind of tell you, like, here's how they came into the system and that kind of thing.
So I wasn't able to go because I was at a work thing.
And so my wife went to the meeting and I was, like, listening to it, you know, and I was on speakerphone in the meeting.
And...
And there was this one moment, you know, and she's telling us everything, and there's this one moment where she slides the picture across to my wife and says, here's a picture of them.
unidentified
And there's this long pause, and my wife goes, oh.
And when do you ever play with any kids for two straight hours?
Like actually actively play with kids, especially kids you've never met before.
So it's exhausting and it's weird.
And we touch on this in the movie that I was really scared when we were getting there because I wanted so much to walk in, see these kids well up with tears, know it's for real, know these are my kids and just have that like cosmic connection moment.
Because it just felt so obtrusive to the kids, you know?
And so we would go there every day for five straight days.
We would go there when the kids were off school and we'd go and play with them first in the backyard and then you'd take them to the park and then you'd take them to the park and you'd take them out for ice cream and you're just kind of like getting to know these kids.
Well, and that touches on something that is really difficult when you're doing this as an adoptive parent is that you're trying to walk this line all the time where you need to claim these kids for your own.
You need to be the person who's like, you're with us.
We're with you.
We got your back.
We're behind you.
You need to do that.
That's what these kids don't have.
This thing that we all take for granted.
We have these parents that love us no matter what knucklehead things we do.
So you're trying to do that, but at the same time, you're trying not to impose your world on them because they're coming into it with their own personality and their own culture or whatever it is behind them.
So you're always trying to kind of be careful and walk this line between just completely bringing them in but not trying to change them into who you are.
I love when they interview all the guys in the NFL. They're like, the young guys, they're like, You know, all this evidence is that your lifespan is going to be way shorter and it's going to be probably horrific at some point because of the impact of what you're going through playing football.
You know, what do you think about that?
They're like, shit's worth it, man.
This is an awesome lifestyle.
Nobody is like, yeah.
I mean, you're getting some guys that you see retire early, which was unheard of 10 years ago.
Guys, one guy came out, played his rookie year and retired.
You know, you're getting guys early retirement.
Some guys play, finish out a contract, they're up for a big contract, and they're out.
Yeah, that's happening.
But there's still, you know, there's no shortage of guys who are like, I'll take the guarantee, whatever my signing bonus is, and take some brain damage.
And I don't know what that is, but you can tell people, hey, whatever it is you're doing right now, this is really going to cause you irreparable harm.
But I just feel like, you know, you have definitely some big, in an amateur career, you have some, you can think back, like, man, I got my bell rung there.
And the significant CTE. Like, just really ravaged.
Every year, a player played tackle football under the age-predicted...
The early onset of cognitive problems by 2.4 years and behavioral and mood problems by 2.5 years.
Yeah, but there's a study.
Wow.
Okay, the average study found that 211 players who were diagnosed with CTE after death who played tackle football before age 12 suffered from cognitive, behavioral, and mood symptoms earlier than those players who didn't start to play until after age 12. Wow.
They're saying that...
Okay, study included 246 former players, 211 of whom were diagnosed with CTE after death.
Yeah, the thing that I remember too, the thing that stands out is when you, because such thing is like bracing for a hit and then feeling it and you're like, fuck.
Well, it makes you more confident that you could slam your head into somebody, and then you don't realize how bad you're getting fucked up from that.
It's your head, when you get hit in the head, even though you have a helmet on, it's not going to crack your skull, your brain's still substantially...
In terms of being there live when someone got the fuck beaten out of them, I've probably seen more people get the fuck beaten out of them than almost anyone that's ever lived in history.
There's a good friend of mine, Dr. Mark Gordon, who specializes in CTE. He deals with a lot of soldiers coming back, and a lot of them that are, like my friend Andrew Marr, where they would blow open doors.
So they'd set up a charge on a door and step back, and boom, the door would blow.
These guys, I mean, he didn't even get hit with anything, or maybe IEDs that are nearby.
Those guys suffer significant brain damage.
It's just from the impact of just getting shook by an explosion.
Not even anything actually hitting them in the head.
When you stop and you look at those, like when they're going to commercial on a college game, and they throw that girl up in the air, and you're like, man, to get that right.
I mean, look, it's not a bad way to make a living if you want to be a fighter and you really want to do it and that's your drive.
that you should do it, but you should really learn how to defend yourself correctly and learn the right technique.
But when you're doing it for recreation and you're doing something like lacrosse where you're running at each other full clip and smashing into each other, and that's within the rules, I think we're operating on ancient information.
That's what I think.
I think most of these systems that they're setting up, most of these sports...
Rules and a lot of the organizations, they're all operating on these old ideas of brain damage.
That's why I'm freaking out when I'm going to this school football game.
And I'm watching this, I'm like, this is just brain damage.
I'm watching brain damage.
And I'm watching it that's promoted by a school.
And school pride, yay, everybody go.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, we're playing another team, let's hope we beat them.
How are you going to beat them?
You're going to fucking slam into them and give them concussions.
And they're going to go to school and they can't count.
It was towards the end of his fighting, and he was definitely at least 40 pounds overweight.
Like really out of shape, but still throwing bombs.
And he was sparring, and it was like that piece that they air right before the fighters go to the ring on fight night.
And he's definitely taking some shots and giving some shots.
But he was sparring and they were throwing in fresh bodies for him to spar against.
So it was like, you know, two minutes with this guy and then boom, fresh body.
And as he's like, he is like really hyperventilating, sweating, spitting.
He's still talking shit like at...
As he's fighting, he's like...
And then they bring in the next guy.
He's like, you piece of shit.
He's a mess.
He looks like a total mess.
But he's just talking shit, calling guys faggots and shit.
As he's...
Barely making it through these these sparring sessions and you know, I mean he would he need these guys he had to fight, you know Yeah, he had to fight well, especially towards the end of his career.
He took a fight in the UFC. He did yeah Yeah, he's the only like real world champion boxer that ever fought in mixed martial arts in the UFC Randy Couture ankle-picked him took him down strangled him right away.
Yeah, it was easy.
Yeah, I mean this just I don't even think he really bothered learning.
Yeah, he could have punished him a lot longer if he wanted to.
He just wanted to finish him up.
It was sad.
Because it was just, you know, he was talking about how these guys just don't know how to handle his hands and every fight starts standing up, which is true, but Randy Couture will take you down all day, anytime he wants.
And then he got him in an arm triangle and just smushed him.
I mean, even when he's punching him, he's not even hitting him that hard here.
He's just trying to force him to give something up.
That's what he wants.
He wants his head tied down against the side of his arm.
- It's a good start. - So when they, you know, for people, like when you're, if you're a star, you get calls that like you have an offer, right?
Like, do you want this offer?
Do you want to do this movie?
But if you're just like working, and trying to get booked, you get these emails.
Usually it's an email followed by a call that says, like, for your consideration, movies called "The Instant Family," Sean Andrews, John Morse wrote it.
It's, you know, the part is Russ, and it has like all the, you know, Mark Wahlberg's agreed to play this, and Rose Byrne is attached to play this, and then here's the sides.
And it was like one of those things where it'll say, you know, so Thursday at 11.15 a.m.
you are confirmed for the audition.
And I get that email like on a Monday.
And I was like, I just got back from the road.
I was like, I got a podcast today.
I was like, whatever.
And then I just don't even read any of it.
So then it's like, you know, Tuesday and then something happens and we're busy at the house.
And then they go, here we're just following up.
That you're good for the audition tomorrow.
I get that like on Wednesday, you know, just confirming that you'll be there.
And when I saw his stand-up, I was like, this guy's perfect because we want this guy to just have this kind of swagger and this confidence, but he can kind of say these jackass-y things, but just sort of own them.
And I'm like, this guy's perfect for this.
I keep saying this guy because I didn't know him at the time.
And so Tom comes in and I watch the Skype audition.
Now, I'm going to shit-talk you a little bit here.
And he was not good.
He was so not, like, who he is.
Like, he came in and he kind of was, like, sort of putting his back into it a little bit.
Like, he was kind of, like, really just trying to be kind of, like, really sort of extra funny.
I had no idea what, here's the thing, every audition, this is actually fascinating if you audition, because you literally leave auditions and you go, sometimes you go, that was great, and you'll never hear anything again.
Sometimes you go, I bombed, and you get a call, hey, guess what, they want to see you again, or you booked, you're like, what?
Because basically, so then what happened is we got together and I thought, and I was like, God, I don't want to- Did you meet him for the second audition?
Well, we got together because I called him because I really wanted him to be in the movie.
And I called him and I said, would you be willing to just come over to my house and we can just talk through it and work through it a little bit?
I understand that because you had energy and you were funny, but you just didn't have that thing that I wanted so badly to be a part of this character.
And so there was this one thing that was missing, and then you came over and we talked about it, and then you did it.
And then also we got the chance to, because when he read it, he's just reading dialogue that we wrote for anybody.
But then once you have somebody's voice in your head a little bit, you can adjust it and make it a little more comfortable.
It's actually, like, it's the thing, though, like, that's the big bummer about, in general, auditioning, is you walk out and you go, sometimes you follow up with your agent, and you're like, so what's the feedback?
And they're like, they always tell you, they loved you.
And you're like...
Is there anything else?
And you don't know, like, was it good?
Was it bad?
And you also don't know what they're looking for.
And I don't know.
I mean, going to your place, going over, like, you know, in detail more is also...
Like, I actually felt like I won a contest.
Because, you know, you audition.
Now I know I tanked.
And then the director's like, do you want to come work on it so that, like, possibly you can do it better?
And I was like, sure, man.
So I'm working with him on this thing.
And I don't know.
We spent a lot of time working on it, and then when I found out I booked the role, then I go there, and I feel like it's a second part of a contest, because he has all great actors in the movie, for all the parts.
I mean, you know the stars, but like, Margot Martindale from The American...
Well, see, in Spanish, the masculinized version of these words is considered gender neutral, but that obviously doesn't work for some of us, like myself.
And so I think it's appropriate to assign masculinity as gender neutral when it isn't.
Well, we touch on this, not this pronunciation, but we touch on that a little bit in the movie of there is that feeling.
When we went in to adopt our kids, we were just open.
We were like, look, we're pretty general age-wise.
We didn't go in expecting three kids.
We thought one, and it sort of turned into that.
But you're open to it, and they ask you, well, what about ethnicity?
You know, and you just go, yeah, you know, whatever, you know, wherever the need is, you know, whoever needs parents, you know, let us know.
But then when it happens and your kids, in my case, my kids turned out to be Latin, then you have the, you know, you start to kind of think about, like, oh, well, you know, is that okay?
Is that going to look like the white savior thing?
Is that going to look weird?
Am I saying things right?
And whatever.
And what ends up happening...
It's this really wonderful thing where your family becomes this melting pot.
Where, you know, at first, because of the times that we live in right now, it's a little scary jumping into that.
That's so weird.
But you ultimately are just going to think about who the kids are, what their need is, and how obviously wonderful they are.
But all of those things come up, and that's the kind of thing that wouldn't even be, you know, why would the Latinx thing have anything to do with my house?
Well, now it does.
So I've got all that all the time, and I actually find it really interesting.
Well, and it gets back to what I was talking about before, where you're trying to just put your kids' needs first and just deal with them as children, as individuals, as human beings, you know?
But at the same time, you're also – you're with other parents and there's – in the adoption community – and really in every direction, there's mixed-race families in the adoption community – Sure.
Sure.
and just the movies you watch, the foods you eat sometimes.
Even when I travel abroad to Spanish-speaking countries, even there, even though Spanish-speaking countries are also melting pots, they still look at you like, oh shit.
That's the thing is, she was telling me one time about...
How many characters and, you know, it was just unbelievable.
And, like, there's sounds for expressions.
Like, I'm going to screw up because I don't remember it, but she was like, you can do something like, oh, and that means, like, means an actual phrase, you know?
It's just, it really is fascinating when you travel and you listen to people speaking their native tongue and you realize how strangely different languages are across the entire planet.
And I would say, you know, I always think of Spain as like our Britain, you know, in a way.
Like the language, probably English is from England.
That is how you speak it.
Spanish and Castilian, you know, that comes from Spain.
They're speaking OG Spanish.
And then it all kind of came over here and it's influenced.
And every country has...
Different ways of saying things.
Obviously different slang.
All different curses.
All different expressions.
Completely different.
Even words as simple as to pick up.
Coger.
Pick something up.
You say that in Mexico or Argentina.
It literally means to fuck.
Really?
Yeah.
So if you're like, quiero coger esta agua.
You're saying, I want to fuck this water.
But...
I'm going to fuck this bottle.
Yeah.
My mom told me that she was in Argentina when her youth traveled there and was with a bellhop, and she was like, cogeme la maleta, which is like, pick up that suitcase.
But he was like, okay, because she was basically in slang saying, fuck my suitcase, you know.
So, it's just...
But, like, there's, like...
And there's also, like, severity of words.
Like, joder is the word...
Like, there's so many ways to say fuck, of course, in every language.
But joder in Spain is, like, is saying fuck.
It's, like, going like, oh, fuck.
But, like, when you say it in Peru, no me jodes, it's a softer...
It's not taken as severely.
So, it's not read the same way.
You're not saying...
You're saying, like, you're complaining, but you're like, I don't...
I've done bits and stories where I involve both English and Spanish, but I haven't done...
There's a show now here in L.A. that they're doing...
I think even at the stores had it once where some of the Spanish-speaking comics here have done a full show in Spanish here in L.A. Francisco Ramos, Felipe did it, Esparza.
And I was doing stuff and talking to this lady, I would hit a punchline in Spanish and then say something back to this guy in Spanish, then go back to English.
Do, like, your best bit and then something else in Spanish.
And it was so crazy for me at the time.
Like, I never experienced a 20-minute set like that, that the guy, the headliner after me, did 35 minutes and split.
Like, he was just like, good night.
Because it was, he was a white guy, and it was, like, not...
There might have been dozens of people at any point in time walking around, coming and going, going outside to use their phone and then coming back in.
But there's some people that just want to film everything, too.
You know, when you get on stage and you see people just standing there while you're doing your set and they're holding a phone up, filming you, and you're like...
I went to, of all things, a daddy-daughter dance with my daughter.
And it was the weirdest thing.
Every guy was dancing with their little kids like this.
And I realized though why they were doing it.
It wasn't about...
The moment.
I mean, a little bit.
But it was more about that if you have that phone out and you're looking at that screen and you're doing that, it sort of keeps everything else out.
It makes you feel like you're having this little moment instead of having to be this awkward thing of like you're dancing in front of these other grown men.
We were starting to get there earlier in our conversation.
But there's an interesting thing that happens when you adopt kids, particularly kids that are already walking and talking when they come into your life.
You go through this really chaotic adjustment period because nobody knows each other.
And it's just so awkward for everybody involved.
And there's so much to it.
But it's a really difficult time for everybody.
But then when you have that, when you get on the other side of it and you're really falling in love with your kids and you can feel that they're falling in love with you and you're becoming this family.
We have these videos.
We went on this trip back to Wisconsin where I'm from.
And when we were just, things were really starting to come together before this trip and And then when we went on the trip, the kids, like you're describing, the kid pushing the suitcase, they have to stay a little tighter with you because you're in airports and you're driving and you're going to a cabin and doing these things.
And by the time we got back, we were a family.
We knew, my wife and I were like, wow, we're like a A real family now.
We love these kids so much, and we can tell they love us, and it's an amazing thing.
So we have videos from that trip, and those videos, like you're saying, are just like gold.
I mean, it's like what an incredibly positive thing that is that you've done and an incredibly positive thing for their lives that they came in contact with you and so fortunate.
We had that period where we were like, you really feel like for a while there, like, okay, we've done a good thing here and we're going to suffer for it for the rest of our lives.
But then as it comes online, I had this one moment.
I think I told you this, but I had this one moment that...
And I'm not this kind of guy.
I don't think of myself as this kind of guy.
But after all of this...
Just frustration and craziness.
And the kids would wake up really early every morning and they would be out in the hallway throwing things at each other and arguing and whatever.
And you're so sleep deprived and you're just so like, you know, over it.
And one morning I woke up, I think it was a Sunday and it was quiet in the room.
My wife was still asleep and it was like around the time where the kids are normally up.
And I woke up and I thought, oh wow, it's quiet in here.
And then I had this just overwhelming feeling that I couldn't even identify at first.
And then I thought, oh shit, I miss them right now.
Like I'm actually waiting for them to come in the room and wake us up.
And that was really a big moment for me where I was like, wow, I've turned a big corner here.
And what you get from them and those kinds of feelings is pretty incredible.
It is really fun to watch with an audience because they do get emotionally caught up in it, but we're always coming back and giving them a laugh where they need it, you know?
You know in Wall Street when Charlie Sheen couldn't sell anything to Gordon Gekko?
And then he's like, well, what about Blue Star Airlines?
Because he had the tip from his dad because his dad was like a mechanic at Blue Star Airlines.
That's been kind of the running joke that this is the only interesting thing in my life.
So I've already gone there.
And it's just, you know, when this happens, you know, and you become part of that adoption community as well, so it really becomes a big part of who you are and who your family is and that kind of thing.
Because, you know, I was talking about Sex Drive before, and the reason why that one always has a special place in my heart is because it was my first real Hollywood movie, and I was just...
It was just such an amazing experience to just be this bumpkin from out of nowhere making this movie with all this budget, and it was great.
But I've had great experiences on all the movies that I've made, but this one's totally different.
It's a different tone.
It has more drama.
It has more gravity to it.
It's about something that is really, really important to me.
And it's really funny.
And we have people like Tom in the movie.
And Tom is, I mean, you know, we're joking, but he is really funny in the movie.
The camaraderie on that thing was another thing that was really fun.
We went to Atlanta, and we have this great group every day.
You have the big stars, but then...
People I mentioned, like Margot and them, and Julie, Michael, Alan, Britt, Jody, and we would just like, it was like, it is kind of like being in a camp or something, you know?
But just people walking on eggshells around, you know, whoever the...
And when you have people like Mark and Rose who are really cool and just really easy to deal with, everybody just is so much more relaxed and having a really good time.
And then, I mean, I'll take some credit for it myself, too, because John and I try to run a really happy set and we just try to have...