Oct. 2, 2018 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:13:16
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
| Still no main event for a mess quicker. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Four, three, two, one... | ||
| Booyah! | ||
| Yeah, no main event for Madison Square Garden so far. | ||
| The rumors were John Jones and Gustafson, but I don't know. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't know why that hasn't materialized. | ||
| Are they just waiting to announce it until after the whole Connor-Khabib thing? | ||
| Why would they do that? | ||
| I think if they announce something, it's got to be this weekend. | ||
| I mean, what is it, November 3rd or something? | ||
| It's soon. | ||
| So it's a month. | ||
| Super soon. | ||
| Literally a month. | ||
| Today's the third, right? | ||
|
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Second? | |
| Today's the second. | ||
| Today's the second. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Fuck, man. | ||
| That ain't good. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Maybe they just don't want to steal any shine from the Conor Khabib fight. | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| I think they just don't have a card yet. | ||
| I think they were banking on Jones to fill that main event, but it's been tricky to fill that slot. | ||
| But also... | ||
| Why not have, if you're going to do this, why not announce Nate Diaz-Dosin Poirier as your main event? | ||
| That's a great main event. | ||
| I can ride with that. | ||
| Why not do that and then announce John Jones and Gus Finn or John Jones and Kane if you want to? | ||
| But the main event is to be announced versus to be determined. | ||
| That's the weirdest main event I've ever seen. | ||
| I've never seen a fucking pay-per-view a month out that says to be announced versus to be determined in the main event. | ||
| Does that mean they have somebody booked and then they're not an opponent for them and they're not announcing it? | ||
| Or they just decided to just be funny and write both verses? | ||
| That's a very good point, Jamie. | ||
| That's a good point, Jamie. | ||
| That's a very good point. | ||
| I would say they have no idea. | ||
| I think you just nailed it. | ||
| I think they have a guy that they want to fight another guy. | ||
| I'd heard, actually I heard from you. | ||
| They would try to do John Jones versus Kane. | ||
| That was the rumor mill that I got. | ||
| Little birdie told me. | ||
| Yeah, I'm all over that. | ||
| I would be all over that. | ||
| This card's actually better than this weekend's card. | ||
| Stylebenders fighting Derek Brunson. | ||
| That's a great fight. | ||
| That's the sleeper. | ||
| That's the sleeper on that card right there. | ||
| We got Luke Rockwell, Chris Weidman, too. | ||
|
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Woo! | |
| That's a good fight too. | ||
| Jacare and David Branch ain't terrible either. | ||
| Where is Rockhold Weidman on there? | ||
| The bottom middle. | ||
| What? | ||
| They're not in order yet. | ||
| No. | ||
| This thing's all over the place. | ||
| It's like a puzzle? | ||
| The guy who runs the UFC website took the month off. | ||
| Rockhold vs. | ||
| Weidman. | ||
| Very interesting. | ||
| Listen, Gegard Mousasi, that guy is the fucking sleeper of the 185 pound division. | ||
| The fact that he went over to Bellator, very fucking fascinating to me. | ||
| He just wrecked Roy McDonald. | ||
| Completely wrecked him. | ||
| It's tough to watch. | ||
| Roy should not be fighting at 185 pounds. | ||
| Especially against a guy who's fought at 205. He's held titles at 205. I agree. | ||
| Especially a guy in Gegard Mousasi who's just as talented, just as skilled. | ||
| Maybe better. | ||
| Might be better in some other aspects. | ||
| Then when you go skill for skill, then size comes into play. | ||
| And you saw how that pans out. | ||
| Burt Crusher says Mousasi has a giant dick. | ||
| How would he know? | ||
| He was in a sauna next to him. | ||
| Oh, that makes sense, though. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| Mousasi has that big dick energy. | ||
| He just carries himself like a straight badass, doesn't he? | ||
|
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He does. | |
| Nothing really gets him going. | ||
| You know why? | ||
| Because he's a giant dick. | ||
| Giant dick. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| Bert's probably right on this. | ||
| Makes sense. | ||
| God, this makes sense! | ||
| You're brilliant, Bert Kreischer. | ||
| Well, he saw it. | ||
| I mean, it's not even like he figured it out. | ||
| I mean, he's got, like, eyewitness. | ||
| He's seen that thing. | ||
|
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He's there. | |
| He's in the room. | ||
| Nothing's ever made more sense than that. | ||
| He's a hot cedar box with a big ol' sweaty dick. | ||
| Dude, that gay guard Amsterdam dick. | ||
| Everyone's like, how come he doesn't get more emotional? | ||
| Because he has the fattest dick in the world. | ||
| He swore it was bigger than his fucking water bottle. | ||
| I go, fatter? | ||
|
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Fatter than a water bottle! | |
| He goes, dude, I'm telling you, it was giant. | ||
| I'm like, wow. | ||
|
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Alright. | |
| That makes sense, man. | ||
| It does make a lot of sense. | ||
| Yeah, but Gegard, Mousasi, now Bellator's an interesting kind of predicament because they have that welterweight tournament going on. | ||
| Now you have your champ, who's going to enter the tournament as the title holder. | ||
| In the first round, he's supposed to fight John Fitch, who isn't an easy fight, but he's just coming off a loss and got destroyed. | ||
| And also, it looks like he had some nose damage, which was his issue before. | ||
| Yeah, his nose had been fucked up for a long time, and he decided to take a whole year off just to try to fix his nose, just to try to let it heal. | ||
| That's serious. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| A whole year off. | ||
| I mean, think about it. | ||
| That was like part of the delay in his initial fight in Bellator. | ||
|
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Mm-hmm. | |
| Was that he left the UFC, you know, his nose got smashed in the Robbie Lawler fight. | ||
| I mean, that was hard to watch. | ||
| Remember when he was in agony on the ground because his nose was just shattered? | ||
| Yeah, he said every time he'd get hit, it'd just go white like sparks. | ||
| He couldn't see anything. | ||
|
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Oof. | |
| It was a bad injury, man. | ||
| Well, hey, there it is. | ||
| There it is. | ||
| One of the best fights of all time, by the way. | ||
| One of the greatest fights, for sure. | ||
| He earned that shit. | ||
| But now, with Rory, you know, what's sad too, and it's happened to me, it's happened to some other fighters, I'm sure, but Rory goes, I just didn't feel like fighting. | ||
| I wasn't in the zone. | ||
| Just didn't feel like fighting Gagard Misasi that night. | ||
|
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Whew. | |
| That's an annoying gay guard, you know, Musashi. | ||
| He doesn't get enough recognition how good he is. | ||
| He's an absolute monster. | ||
| You've got to think about all the guys that he's beaten. | ||
| He's on like a six or seven fight win streak, which includes Chris Weidman, Vitor Belfort, Talos Letis. | ||
| Who's the guy in Bellator, the former champion? | ||
|
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Shlomenko? | |
| Yeah, I won't call him Shevchenko, that's fucked up, that's the girl. | ||
| Shlomenko, something like that, yeah. | ||
| He's an absolute nightmare. | ||
| He's a monster. | ||
| He's a monster. | ||
| I'm surprised the UFC let him go. | ||
| Now, when I say let him go, it just didn't match his contract, you know, because Bellator probably offered more, and they're like, ah, we're good. | ||
| The UFC could use him right now at 185. They certainly could, yeah. | ||
| Well, I mean, it's like they had Yoel Romero, they've got Robert Rittiger, who's the champ, they've got so much going on at 185, but... | ||
| Gegard might be the best. | ||
| I mean he's certainly in the running. | ||
| If you looked at it objectively... | ||
| It's entirely possible. | ||
| If he's not number one, he's number two. | ||
| Top three, easily. | ||
| Number three, yeah. | ||
| But also, you look at his fight, if him and Robert Whittaker were to fight, that's not an easy pick-em fight. | ||
| You'd be like, damn, that's a fucking fight. | ||
| You're my favorite gate guard. | ||
| You don't know. | ||
| For how big and long he is and scrapping. | ||
| Listen, Robert Whittaker is a monster. | ||
| He's phenomenal. | ||
| But so is Musashi. | ||
| So is Mousasi. | ||
| And Mousasi has a full game, man. | ||
| His ground game is phenomenal. | ||
| And the biggest dick in the division. | ||
| Giant dick. | ||
| That has to be taken into consideration for all this. | ||
| No, Yoel's, I bet it's bigger. | ||
| No way. | ||
| I bet it's bigger. | ||
|
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No, bro. | |
| He doesn't carry that energy. | ||
| He's too aggressive. | ||
| What? | ||
| Yeah, when you're that aggressive, you don't have that fat of a dick. | ||
| There's no way he looks like that and doesn't have a big dick. | ||
| I don't know, dude. | ||
| You see Batman? | ||
| Batman the comic drew a dick, and he's... | ||
| That's Batman. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Yeah, Batman has a dick now. | ||
| What? | ||
| The new comic, there's this new kind of X-rated Batman they're coming out with, and they show Batman's dick. | ||
| That's how I pictured... | ||
| This isn't even bad. | ||
| Yo, Romero. | ||
| This isn't bad. | ||
| These are millennials. | ||
| This is nonsense. | ||
| These are fucking millennials that think they're going to rewrite history. | ||
| They're making Iron Man a woman. | ||
| They're crazy. | ||
| Yeah, that's true. | ||
| These people are out of their fucking mind. | ||
| Captain America's now a woman. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, I'm just saying, man. | ||
| Iron Man's probably gay. | ||
| There's a weird revolution right now in comics because they're trying to sort of social justice warrior up all the comedy, all the comic books. | ||
| What's going on? | ||
| What are you laughing at? | ||
| It is true. | ||
| It is true. | ||
| Hulk Hogan's... | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| DC Comics, sorry for showing everyone Batman's penis. | ||
| That's your old Romero, bro. | ||
| No, it's good size. | ||
| That's not real. | ||
| That's not real. | ||
| See, that's a comic book, and it's a comic book that's... | ||
| By the way, it was created in like... | ||
| Let's just take a guess when Batman was created. | ||
| I'm going to guess like 1940. Super old school, 1940s, 1950s. | ||
| You can't rewrite Batman's dick in 2018. Also, think about the guy drawing it. | ||
| Probably didn't have the biggest dick. | ||
| Probably his tiny little dick. | ||
| And just mad. | ||
| But maybe he thought that was massive. | ||
| Probably thought it was the biggest dick he's ever seen. | ||
| Probably scared to watch porn. | ||
| And then got backlash. | ||
| He's like, what the fuck? | ||
| I thought this was a big cock. | ||
| And was like, no, dude! | ||
| Not for Batman. | ||
| It's Batman, you prick. | ||
| Batman's the weirdest superhero ever because he's basically just a rich guy. | ||
| He's Elon Musk on steroids and can fight. | ||
| He's Elon Musk. | ||
| Yeah, basically. | ||
| That's what he is. | ||
| With a bunch of stuff. | ||
| Yeah, no special skills. | ||
| Well, he knows how to fight. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But he doesn't have any superpower. | ||
| There's nothing. | ||
| He's just a rich dude. | ||
| That's why I got angry at that Batman vs. | ||
| Superman movie. | ||
| I'm like, bitch, Superman would... | ||
| First of all, he moves so fast he can make the Earth spin backwards in reverse time. | ||
| Dude, he has lasers in his eyes for God. | ||
| There's no fight. | ||
| But they're like... | ||
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But Batman made a suit out of Kryptonite. | |
| Superman would fuck him up before he even got the suit on. | ||
| Yeah, it's not even a fight. | ||
| How's Lex Luthor a valiant, like, adversary for him then? | ||
| It's not. | ||
| Okay, well. | ||
| He just is bored. | ||
| He's bored. | ||
| Keeps that dude around like a side piece. | ||
| He just wants to have some fun. | ||
| He's like, let this guy pretend he's kicking my ass. | ||
| Venom drops this weekend. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Tom Hardy? | ||
| You know what? | ||
| Maybe I'm just a Debbie Downer, but I don't know. | ||
| It looks all right to me. | ||
| And I know I love Tom Hardy, too. | ||
| Venom is like an evil Spider-Man? | ||
| Like, what is that? | ||
| He's like Spider-Man's alien... | ||
| It's an alien? | ||
| Yeah, it's an alien element that grabs someone's body. | ||
| It's an alien that merges with his body. | ||
| Yeah, and he's evil. | ||
| I don't know, dude. | ||
| Fucking kids today. | ||
| I know. | ||
| I know, man. | ||
| I know. | ||
| I mean, I guess it's better than remaking the Hulk for the 98th time. | ||
| I'll take it. | ||
| I mean, how many Spider-Mans are there now? | ||
| There's like 80 Spider-Mans. | ||
| Whenever Spider-Man starts making some money, they go like, nah, playa. | ||
| We got a new one. | ||
|
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We need a new one, bro. | |
| We got a new one. | ||
| Tobey Maguire's my Spider-Man. | ||
| If you're Spider-Man's anyone else, fuck you. | ||
| Yeah, fuck you. | ||
| That's the real Spider-Man. | ||
| Hell yeah. | ||
| They had two new ones since him, right? | ||
| What? | ||
| Hasn't it been two? | ||
| One guy that never even got any traction. | ||
| Tom Holland. | ||
| Who the fuck's Tom Holland? | ||
| Sorry, Tom. | ||
| I'm sure you're wonderful. | ||
| They want to make Donald Glover Spider-Man. | ||
| I think he's the voice in this cartoon they just announced today. | ||
| This comes out. | ||
| Into the Spider-Verse gets stunning new trailer ahead of New York Comic-Con. | ||
| I was talking to Chris Pratt about Comic-Con. | ||
| What'd he say? | ||
| You know, because he's got to go there for Guardians of the Galaxy. | ||
| Oh, dude, he's probably like, what the fuck? | ||
| He's like, he goes, I'm in the middle of this place, and I just said to myself... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't belong here. | ||
| It's a different vibe. | ||
| He is the nicest guy. | ||
| He goes to a bunch of UFC events, yeah? | ||
| Yeah, he's been to one. | ||
| There's only one. | ||
| Is that where you talked to him at? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He came hunting with us in Utah. | ||
| Oh, nice. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's the fucking nicest guy. | ||
| Like, so normal around everybody. | ||
| Good hunter? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Real good. | ||
| Good Archer. | ||
| People forget he started off as a comedian actor. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| He was like the funny guy. | ||
| What was that show he was on? | ||
| The Office? | ||
| Parks and Rec. | ||
| Parks and Rec, yeah. | ||
| He was like the funny guy. | ||
| He was pudgy back then. | ||
| Now he's all jacked. | ||
| Isn't it weird someone was like, dude, you're going to be the next action hero. | ||
| He's like, what? | ||
| Here's a boatload of steroids to do that. | ||
| I don't even think it was that. | ||
| I think he just lost the weight and everybody went, oh, you know, he was a wrestler in high school and college. | ||
| Was he really? | ||
| In college? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Damn. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Good wrestler. | ||
| I saw him wrestling with Noguera. | ||
| He actually looked pretty good. | ||
| Who's wrestling with Noguera? | ||
| Yeah, there's a video of him wrestling with Noguera Brothers. | ||
| Yeah, and I was like, damn, that dude knows what he's doing. | ||
| I had no idea he was wrestling in high school. | ||
| He bought a farm outside of Seattle. | ||
| And raises animals and actually has like a farm, like a real, I think the way they call it, just like very humane, ethical treatment of the animals. | ||
| Like the animals are all like super adjusted to human beings and then when they whack them, they just take them into a room and put one in their brain. | ||
| And he does it, or this is just his career? | ||
| Yeah, it's him and Nogueira. | ||
| Yeah, look at this. | ||
| But for, you know, I had no idea. | ||
| I just thought he was a normal actor. | ||
| Most of the time when you watch actors, you're like, look at this bullshit. | ||
| Yeah, no, he knows how to wrestle. | ||
| But you look at his setup, everything, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, no, he knows how to wrestle. | ||
| He wrestled in college and in high school. | ||
| Well, you know, if he's feeling frisky, the UFC's looking for fighters these days. | ||
| I don't know what he's looking to do. | ||
| Good luck paying that guy. | ||
| That guy's making $20 million a movie. | ||
| How the fuck are you going to pay him for that? | ||
| We'll figure it out. | ||
| That's Star-Lord, bro. | ||
| I know. | ||
| Come up with your own whiskey, bro. | ||
| Who's someone else besides Star-Lord, too? | ||
| What other movies does he do? | ||
| He's Garnet Galaxy. | ||
| Jurassic Park. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| Oh, dude. | ||
| Jurassic Park 2. He's the dinosaur wrangler, bro. | ||
| He's the dinosaur wrangler, Jurassic Park. | ||
| And he speaks to the Lord. | ||
| And here's the thing. | ||
| He came in, like, you know, there was already Jurassic Park before. | ||
| And he came in with a new Jurassic Park. | ||
| With the hotness. | ||
| With no hiccups. | ||
|
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Zero. | |
| No one was like, bullshit with this new Jurassic Park. | ||
| There was none of that. | ||
| It got better. | ||
| Yeah, it got better. | ||
| Well, the animation got better, too. | ||
|
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The animation got way better. | |
| The dinosaurs got super legit. | ||
| I haven't seen the newest one, though. | ||
| It's fucking badass. | ||
| Is it good? | ||
| Yeah, loved it. | ||
| Loved it. | ||
| Freaked my kid out, though. | ||
| The little one had to bury her head in my armpit during some of the scenes. | ||
| Yeah, those fucking things are scary and shit. | ||
| These things look legit. | ||
| They look real. | ||
| You know they're redoing the dress park ride at Universal. | ||
| They're redoing it? | ||
| Yeah, they should. | ||
| It's whack as fuck. | ||
| Yeah, now it's just that T-Rex. | ||
| I heard an interview. | ||
| The guy was like, no, we're redoing it with all the new dinosaurs and everything. | ||
| Yeah, there's some good shit at Universal. | ||
| And then there's some stuff that you're like, what? | ||
| Old school. | ||
| Well, you know what's badass? | ||
| The Harry Potter ride. | ||
| Have you taken Little Man to the Harry Potter ride? | ||
| No, he's not big enough still. | ||
| He's only two and a half. | ||
| Oh, that's right. | ||
| I think you have to be like 40 inches or some shit. | ||
| But the Jurassic Park ride is whack. | ||
| You know what's great? | ||
| The Simpsons. | ||
| Simpsons is dope. | ||
| I've done Simpsons. | ||
| Hilarious! | ||
| Simpsons is great. | ||
| That's a great ride. | ||
| Dude, as a grown-ass man, I got a babysitter for my kid, and me and my girl went to Six Flags. | ||
| Oh, dude, Six Flags is badass. | ||
| So much fun. | ||
| You know what's surprisingly good? | ||
| Knott's Berry Farms. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's very old school, a little vintage. | ||
| Some of the fucking rides are amazing! | ||
| To me, they're a little suspect, like a year ago. | ||
| Suspect like they might break? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like the wood roller coaster. | ||
| I'm like, really? | ||
| I didn't go on that one. | ||
| It's like rattling. | ||
| Like, when's the last time someone checked this goddamn thing? | ||
| I didn't go on that one, but I went on one where you're sitting in your seat like this, right? | ||
| And then you go like this. | ||
| Clink! | ||
| You go straight up. | ||
| So your back, like if you fell, you would fall right on your back. | ||
| And then you get to the top, and you pause, and then they turn you like this, and then it's, yeah! | ||
| That's pretty fun. | ||
| That's pretty fun. | ||
| It was the best roller coasters I've ever been on. | ||
| Knotts, I have skeptical hippo eyes, because when you get there, their whole theme is Charlie Brown. | ||
| It's like, who the fuck's watching Charlie Brown these days? | ||
| Everyone asks, there's Spider-Man, Marvel, Disney with Mickey, they got Charlie Brown. | ||
| My kid's like, who the fuck is Charlie Brown? | ||
| I didn't even notice Charlie Brown. | ||
| It was all like, there's a Wild West theme area. | ||
| Oh, it's random as shit. | ||
| It's a bunch of random weird things. | ||
| But their main slogan is Charlie Brown. | ||
| Well, we had a good time. | ||
| Me and the family had a good time. | ||
| We had a good time, man. | ||
| You know what, I'll tell you what though, overall best ride I've ever been on 100% is Disney World, the Jurassic, not the Jurassic Park, the Avatar ride. | ||
| The Avatar ride in Orlando, it's called Flights of Passage I think it is. | ||
| Dude, It's beyond the greatest ride ever. | ||
| It's all virtual reality. | ||
| You climb into a chair like you're on a motorcycle. | ||
| It pushes against your back, and you settle into this thing, and then you put these goggles on, like this headset thing on, and you're in full virtual reality, and this is it. | ||
| Yeah, damn. | ||
| This is the one where you're on the boat. | ||
| There's two actual Avatar rides. | ||
| This one's pretty dope, too. | ||
| That looks legit. | ||
| That looks like Avatar World. | ||
| Yeah, this one, that's pretty dope, too. | ||
| That one, you're on a boat like Pirates of the Caribbean. | ||
| Yeah, this is it. | ||
| I like the boat. | ||
| The boat's pretty badass. | ||
| But this one, you're flying in full virtual reality while you're riding on the back of one of those dragon things. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| This isn't doing it. | ||
| When you're there. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And if they film their screen, they're not even filming their screen in 3D, right? | ||
| So he's just using his cell phone. | ||
| That's why it looks all blurry. | ||
| Is the line long as shit? | ||
| Long as shit. | ||
| And then while you're doing it, you get breezes in your face and you smell things. | ||
| It's fucking incredible, man. | ||
| It feels real. | ||
| It's the best ride I've ever been on, by far. | ||
| I've been on some dope rides. | ||
| That's numero uno with a bullet. | ||
| By far. | ||
| By far. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| Yeah, I did it two times in a row. | ||
| Dude, I'm a sucker for the... | ||
| I'm old school. | ||
| I like the Haunted Mansion. | ||
| Haunted Mansion's badass. | ||
| It's one of the old school ones, man. | ||
| And then they put in... | ||
| What is it? | ||
| Nightmare Before Christmas? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Big Jack? | ||
| Yeah, right around Halloween time. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I love Halloween. | ||
| Love it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Have you taken him to Disneyland yet? | ||
|
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Oh, yeah. | |
| Season pass. | ||
| Oh, it's the shit, right? | ||
| Sometimes I feel like he's getting spoiled because, you know, when I'm working, my girl, I take him and her friends and they go. | ||
| He's going. | ||
| When he's not in school, he's in school now, but two times a week? | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| To Disneyland? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| They go just to chill. | ||
| That's pretty crazy. | ||
| The little dude's screwed when he gets older. | ||
| I know. | ||
| That is crazy. | ||
|
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So spoiled. | |
| It was such a big deal when I was a kid. | ||
| It was such a big deal. | ||
| Didn't you go with Joey Diaz and Joey's family? | ||
| Did you go with Joey and Joey's family? | ||
| No, that was Eddie. | ||
| Oh, that's right. | ||
| Eddie won. | ||
| Yeah, that's got to be a trip. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Disneyland, when you have kids, becomes a totally different thing. | ||
| It's a special place. | ||
| Yeah, I was like, before I had kids, I was like, I'm not going to fucking Disneyland. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Like, if I was 20 and someone said, hey man, you want to go to Disneyland? | ||
| I'd be like, why? | ||
| What are we going to do? | ||
| We're going to ride a roller coaster and wait for an hour and a half? | ||
| Split a funnel cake and suck each other off? | ||
| What's wrong with you, man? | ||
| And those, what are those fucking, those, the ones, the brown sugar churros. | ||
| Oh, dude, I love a nice churro. | ||
| Goddamn, those are hard to pass out. | ||
| God, the smell. | ||
| Dude, you can't be on a diet and go to Disneyland. | ||
| It's hard. | ||
| The almonds, they have the almond almonds. | ||
| They get you, bro. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Roasted almonds. | ||
| The churros do? | ||
| No, not in the churro, but the stands all over the place. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The machines? | |
| Yeah, they have the candied almonds. | ||
| No, they have one thing that's guilt-free, though. | ||
| That big old turkey leg. | ||
| That smoked turkey leg. | ||
| That thing makes me feel sick when I see just these enormous people just chowing down, and then the meat's all pink in the middle for whatever reason. | ||
| Well, it's smoked. | ||
| Is everyone out of shape at Disneyland? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's a weird vibe. | |
| They're just not out of shape. | ||
| They're ambulatory. | ||
| Oh, dude. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's more people that can't walk. | ||
| They're just on scooters because they got so big, their body just stopped moving. | ||
| God. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's a strange vibe there. | ||
| You can't be on a diet and go to an amusement park. | ||
| You gotta accept that you're gonna fuck off that day. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| That's a fuck off day. | ||
| That's like, we're gonna get some ice cream, I'm gonna drink a regular soda. | ||
| Do I tell you where else you can't be on a diet? | ||
| Chicago. | ||
| I was there a few weeks ago. | ||
| I went, fuck it. | ||
| Did you go to Luminati's? | ||
| I ate every pizza. | ||
| And I apologized to every crowd beforehand. | ||
| That is not a pizza. | ||
| That is a goddamn casserole. | ||
| It is a straight... | ||
| It's a casserole. | ||
| It's a lasagna. | ||
| It's a pie. | ||
| Dude, I felt so sick after them. | ||
| But it was so nice going down. | ||
| I felt so sick. | ||
| That's a weird sacrifice, right? | ||
| You decide, I'm going to be sick for a few hours, for just a few seconds of mouth pleasure. | ||
| Yeah, like, again, I apologize to the crowds. | ||
| I'm like, you shouldn't be doing this, man. | ||
| This is like a fighter missing weight. | ||
| Like, it's such an asshole move. | ||
| My face is all swollen from the sodium. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, look at that. | |
| Which one was that? | ||
| That was at the place where, uh, it's the famous place, um, the Grindr, something, the Grindr, where it comes in a bowl, and it's where, uh... | ||
| Grindr is, that is a gay, um, dating app. | ||
| That's a gay site, yeah, but it's also a delicious pizza, Chicago pizza. | ||
| Chicago Grindr? | ||
| Oven and Grindr. | ||
| Oven Grindr. | ||
| I wonder if they're bummed out that Grindr is all... | ||
| It's all motherfucker. | ||
| ...sucking dicks and butt-fucking. | ||
| I know, you thought you were gonna get a deep dish and a blowjob or some shit. | ||
| Here's a deep dish, bitch. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. | |
| But it's that same place where Al Capone and his men staked out before they did the St. Valentine's Day Massacre. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| So it's like a historic place. | ||
| Oh, so it's old as fuck. | ||
| Two hour wait. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa! | |
| Two hour wait. | ||
| You waited two hours for food. | ||
| Two hour wait. | ||
| It's a two hour wait. | ||
| It's a two hour wait. | ||
| I put my name and strolled around. | ||
| Good move. | ||
| I know. | ||
| You gotta do what you gotta do. | ||
| There's no freebies here. | ||
| I don't give a fuck. | ||
| That's a lot of food, man. | ||
| They don't fuck around. | ||
| People get cold. | ||
| That's the thing. | ||
| If you live in a place where people get cold, like Boston or Chicago, people get thick. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's tough to work out in the cold, man. | ||
| Well, not just that. | ||
| It insulates you. | ||
| That makes sense. | ||
| You don't want to be shredded. | ||
| Shredded. | ||
| Shredded near that water. | ||
| I know. | ||
| The wind comes off that lake. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh! | |
| Makes sense. | ||
| You ever been to Chicago in January? | ||
| Yes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Woo! | |
| Miserable. | ||
| Cold as fuck. | ||
| Not my cup of tea. | ||
| It's a great place to perform though. | ||
| Yeah, love Chicago. | ||
| Audiences are amazing. | ||
| Amazing. | ||
| They're just fun. | ||
| They're fun people. | ||
| You know what they are? | ||
| They're a unique combination of like the Midwest And a giant city. | ||
| Same as Toronto. | ||
| Toronto's like that too. | ||
| Love Toronto. | ||
| But it's the same kind of vibe. | ||
| It's a weird combination of like really nice, almost small town people that live in a giant urban city. | ||
| And Toronto's a melting pot. | ||
| To me, Toronto reminds me of New York, not with the hustle and cleaner. | ||
| Yeah, way cleaner. | ||
| I love Toronto. | ||
| More polite people, too. | ||
| Way nicer. | ||
| You get Indian people, Pakistani, black, Asian, white, European. | ||
| You get everybody in Toronto. | ||
| Now, on the other end of that, I was just in Seattle, Washington, and the crowd was all white. | ||
| That is the white capital. | ||
| I was the darkest dude in the building. | ||
| Yeah, them in Portland, they're white as fuck. | ||
| Even if you're black, after a few generations, you just turn white. | ||
| And you start talking white. | ||
| If you bring your family up there, and you plan on staking out a black existence in Portland... | ||
| Good luck. | ||
| Good luck. | ||
| Even if your kids only date other black kids, after like a hundred years, everyone's gonna be white. | ||
| Everyone. | ||
| There's no son! | ||
| There's no son. | ||
| That son for three months a year? | ||
| Look, there's a reason why people became white. | ||
| I mean, everyone really comes from Africa. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's one of the real reasons why racism is so stupid. | ||
| Every single fucking human being came from Africa, just like every single fucking dog came from a wolf. | ||
| Every person started out as an African. | ||
| It's just as we move to shittier and shittier places with less and less sun, your body adapted. | ||
| And basically, white skin is like a big old solar panel for vitamin B. Or vitamin D, rather. | ||
| And obviously, we don't. | ||
| I don't know anyone who is racist these days, though. | ||
| They're out there for sure. | ||
| But I don't... | ||
| I don't have anyone that I even, you know, associate with. | ||
| But even like jokingly or like, I don't like Asians or I don't like... | ||
| That is exhausting. | ||
| I don't know any. | ||
| No. | ||
| Or any that are doing well. | ||
| No. | ||
| It's a stupid mindset. | ||
| It's a stupid mindset. | ||
| It just really is. | ||
| It's dumb. | ||
| It's just, I mean... | ||
| It's very old school. | ||
| Well, it's just, it doesn't benefit you in any way. | ||
| It's super detrimental. | ||
| For your view of the world, the way you interact with people, it's dumb. | ||
| I mean, I know so many cool people of every single race. | ||
| Like, you know? | ||
| I mean, why would you... | ||
| It's so stupid. | ||
| It's like judging white people off a few small portion sample size of, like, mass shooters. | ||
| Like the dumbasses shoot up the high schools. | ||
| Well, there's, you know, there's, like, blowback the other way, right? | ||
| Like, there's a lot of people who think it's okay to be racist against white people. | ||
| Because so many white people have been racist in the past, but that's just as foolish and just as short-sighted. | ||
| Everyone's different. | ||
| Yeah, it's all stupid. | ||
| It's like today, with all this Me Too stuff, it seems like it's okay to be sexist against men. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because there are awful men out there. | ||
| But there's also men that are nice, and they're going to be nice to you. | ||
| There's also some awful women out there who do have other agendas when they come out with these Me Too claims. | ||
| There's a lot of that. | ||
| What you're seeing. | ||
| We're seeing these cases now. | ||
| We're seeing these cases get exposed for what they are. | ||
| The problem is that it casts doubt on legitimate cases. | ||
| What is going on with my throat? | ||
| Something about these goddamn caveman coffees. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Early in the morning. | ||
| That makes me think. | ||
| I'm good, though. | ||
| Sometimes it's dairy. | ||
| Did you think if you were in Louis C.K.'s shoes, do you think he came back too soon? | ||
| I don't think it's that he came back too soon. | ||
| What I honestly think is he should say something more than what he already said. | ||
| Not just go up like it's all good and like, alright. | ||
| There's not just, I mean, he said, he put out, released a statement, these stories are true. | ||
| They happened a long time ago, right? | ||
| They happened like more than a decade ago. | ||
| I think... | ||
| And I think it might be even better to release a video rather than a written statement. | ||
| Because a written statement, the problem is it's impersonal. | ||
| It's personal. | ||
| It's not as impactful. | ||
| But what is he going to say? | ||
| It's like, I can't fix it. | ||
| Maybe if he donated a certain amount of money to certain causes or... | ||
| Spent you know time in therapy or talked about it and it's and maybe expressed himself and said that what was you know What was going on in his mind during that time when he did the thing and why it was wrong and how he's changed his way and how bad he feels about it, how he's apologized to these people. | ||
| I think you get all that done by just doing a video with his... | ||
| I think it would go so much further for him if he didn't have a big production. | ||
| He's a creative dude, obviously a great comedian. | ||
| If you just went off the top of his head straight into the camera and post on Instagram. | ||
| I was like, hey man, I've paid a price. | ||
| I've learned I have daughters. | ||
| It was a horrible thing that I did. | ||
| You mean even stay away from I've paid a price? | ||
| Because people don't really want to hear that shit. | ||
| Like, what is the price? | ||
| But they don't think he has. | ||
| Well, they're crazy. | ||
| He's lost millions of dollars. | ||
| They don't realize that. | ||
| They think, oh, he's fine and she's back on the road and touring and he's going to be a millionaire. | ||
| Well, he's lost a ton of money off his shows, FX deal, development deal. | ||
| And more importantly, his daughters have this image of him being this guy who jerks off in front of women. | ||
| That's never going to go away either. | ||
| No. | ||
| So that's a pretty heavy stamp. | ||
| Which is deserved. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Maybe not forever, but... | ||
| But it's a complicated issue. | ||
| You know, it's complicated, like, what was his psychology, what was going on in his mind that allowed him to do that. | ||
| Apparently, he just started going up again. | ||
| He just went up again Sunday night. | ||
| Yeah, he just went up, and I guess the owner of the club was like, dude, I didn't know I was asleep. | ||
| He went up. | ||
| You know, it's the crowd's discretion if they want to stay or leave, but... | ||
| Well, the first time, the owner was upset, and the second time, they said, Something along the lines of, if anyone has an issue with someone who stops in, aka Louie, I mean, it's only Louie, maybe Aziz, I guess. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Well, no. | ||
| Yeah, apparently some people got upset about Aziz, too. | ||
| Still? | ||
| Yeah, dude, look, people just like targets. | ||
| They like targets. | ||
| They like negativity. | ||
| They like negativity, but they also like targets. | ||
| When they find someone who's a viable target, someone who's done something they can criticize, and they go, you! | ||
| What have you done? | ||
| You! | ||
| Oh, you're still alive. | ||
| There's people that just want to decide that someone's a horrible person, and they don't have this really well-thought-out Comprehensive view of the situation. | ||
| They just attack. | ||
| There's a lot of those people out there, man. | ||
| And they think that they're justified. | ||
| Particularly if that person's famous and they're not. | ||
| They think it's fair game. | ||
| Public forum. | ||
| So people were definitely upset at Aziz, but much more upset about Louis. | ||
| Oh, 100%. | ||
| When you stop and think about what Louis actually did, creepy yes, asked women if he could jerk off in front of them. | ||
| They said yes, he did it. | ||
| If they said no, he didn't. | ||
| I mean, it's fucking... | ||
| Look, if you're working with a guy like that, he's like, can I jerk off in front of you? | ||
| Like, Jesus Christ. | ||
| Can you imagine? | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| It would be a shitty work environment for sure. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Terrible. | |
| And he is not handsome. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He is... | |
| Louie, I love you. | ||
| Brutal to look at. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| He's harsh on the eyes. | ||
| It's not like Brad Pitt's asking to jack off in front of you. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Not that it's ever right, but do less on the feelings if Brad Pitt's yanking in front of you. | ||
| I mean... | ||
| All of it. | ||
| All of it's no bueno. | ||
| It's a whole mess. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, he obviously had some sort of a weird kink, you know? | ||
| I wonder what that is. | ||
| Probably started in childhood, maybe got caught and then got off on it. | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| Or he just never got chicks and now he has this power because he's such a... | ||
| He didn't have the power when he started doing it, though, man. | ||
| When he started doing it, he wasn't really famous. | ||
| He was respected, but he wasn't really famous. | ||
| But he was like his now, yeah. | ||
| No. | ||
| Which is... | ||
| It's, you know, it's awful. | ||
| But it's... | ||
| It's just the thing that he's stuck with now. | ||
| So he's got to figure out how to ingratiate himself. | ||
| He's got to figure out how to re-emerge. | ||
| And I think... | ||
| He can do it. | ||
| I think he can do it. | ||
| Sure he can do it. | ||
| Look, he's not an awful person. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| I just think he did some stupid things that were really gross and weird. | ||
| But... | ||
| If he just, I mean, and he has owned up to it. | ||
| I think he just, you know, makes some sort of a sincere apology and then does something. | ||
| Like, what could you do to, I mean, what do you have? | ||
| Help female comics, maybe? | ||
| He's done that. | ||
| He's tried to help. | ||
| But a lot of people accused him of trying to help them to try to cover up his tracks. | ||
| Well, fuck, man. | ||
| He has to do something. | ||
| He has to go back to work. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, it's been a year now, right? | ||
| It's a year next month. | ||
| I think to expect him to just never work again seems ridiculous, and to not forgive him. | ||
| There has to be a path to redemption for anyone who's done anything other than actual rape or murder, right? | ||
| For Bill Cosby, I'm very happy he's locked up. | ||
| I think what he did is awful. | ||
| Can you imagine being one of those girls that turned to him as a mentor, and you wake up, and you've been violated while you're alcohol, and you're drugged, and you're confused, and Bill Cosby did it to you. | ||
| And who the fuck is going to believe that? | ||
| His image is... | ||
| That's the thing about Louis, right? | ||
| Louis' image was like, he's a pervert. | ||
| He's a weirdo. | ||
| He's always talking about jerking off. | ||
| When you found out Louis C.K. asked girls if he could jerk off in front of him and did it, it's not the most surprising thing. | ||
| But with Bill Cosby, here's a guy who is, and I'm not comparing the acts at all, but I'm just saying as far as famous people have done something that became a scandal, with Bill Cosby, he was this moral guy. | ||
| He was this ethics guy, and he wore sweaters. | ||
| America's dad. | ||
| He was America's dad. | ||
| And to find out that that guy was drugging and raping women, He's in fucking jail right now, which is crazy, right? | ||
| He's gonna die, I give it, what, over and under a week? | ||
| You think so? | ||
| That's the way it goes with those old dudes. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's 81. His eyes are so crazy. | ||
| He can't see. | ||
| I think the one's good. | ||
| But the left one's all over the goddamn place. | ||
| Which one is the one? | ||
| I thought the right one was wack. | ||
| I think it's this one, but it is fucking... | ||
| Yeah, it's looking the wrong way. | ||
| It's going on its own way. | ||
| Yeah, that's what you get, man. | ||
| He's going to die any day now. | ||
| I think a path to redemption or a path to retribution would be good. | ||
| A path to forgiveness. | ||
| I think that's important for... | ||
| All human beings who've made mistakes. | ||
| I think it's important. | ||
| We can't just cast people out if they've made mistakes. | ||
| I agree. | ||
| I also think it's important too with all this stuff is like Louis C.K. got lumped in with the big dogs like Bill Cosby and Harvey Weinstein. | ||
| Then there's Louis C.K. Man, there is definitely different levels to this. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| These fucking crimes. | ||
| No question. | ||
| No question. | ||
| How about one that flies under the radar, especially here in America, and I was just reading about it. | ||
| How true it is, who knows, is with Ronaldo. | ||
| In soccer, ask your boy Ian Edwards. | ||
| He's a super superstar. | ||
| Superstar. | ||
| It would be like Conor McGregor getting caught doing something in our world. | ||
| This is a new one, right? | ||
| This is a new one, yeah. | ||
| This girl, she said he kept telling him no and then he anally raped her and then paid her $375,000 to keep quiet. | ||
| Now she's coming back out. | ||
| But who knows? | ||
| Human beings. | ||
| We're capable of such amazing things and such fucking awful things. | ||
| Might have to look that up, Jamie. | ||
| I might have been dreaming. | ||
| No, I think you're right about that. | ||
| My brother told me about it. | ||
| He's usually on it. | ||
| That's what I just read in the New York Post. | ||
| Yeah, we should probably go back to fights, right? | ||
| Renato likes that booty. | ||
| Yeah, we should go back to fights. | ||
| I don't know how we get that. | ||
| Dude, how excited are you about your special being dropped today? | ||
| Nervous at all? | ||
| I was nervous before, yeah. | ||
| Are you nervous about it? | ||
| Yeah, because it's a body of work you've been doing forever. | ||
| I cared about it. | ||
| I worked on it for two fucking years, you know? | ||
| And you edited it yourself? | ||
| Reviews are awesome. | ||
| Came out great. | ||
| I heard it's great. | ||
| I'm excited. | ||
| You know, it's the best... | ||
| I think the best one I've ever done. | ||
| I really do. | ||
| I think the last one, I think Triggered was the best one, and I think this one's better than that. | ||
| That's how it should go, right? | ||
| Yeah, I mean, that's how it should go. | ||
| Just keep working, keep... | ||
| Keep trying to refine it and raise my standards. | ||
| I learned some stuff. | ||
| Out of all these years doing stand-up, I'm still learning. | ||
| I learned some stuff in the editing process. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, I learned some stuff just watching. | ||
| I think I listen to recordings all the time, but I think I'm going to step my game up now. | ||
| After talking to Bert Kreischer yesterday, Bert, he records audio and he also records video, and I think I'm going to start recording video of all my shows too now. | ||
| It's tough. | ||
| Yeah, because when you're doing these giant theaters, so there's not video. | ||
| Because when I was at parlor, wherever I go, they usually have video capabilities, so I get all the video. | ||
| That's nice. | ||
| I always get the video. | ||
| Well, the Ice House can do that for me. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| And I could definitely get someone to do that for me at the store. | ||
| But I just think... | ||
| It's critical to see the way you move as well as here. | ||
| You've got to analyze all that shit and try to figure out what... | ||
| You've got to be natural and in the moment, but you've also got to analyze all the particulars and find out what... | ||
| I would watch two or three different sets because I filmed four shows, and I was like, why didn't I do that in the second show? | ||
| The way I did it there, that's the way to do it, but I did it differently in this other show. | ||
| I think the shitty part is watching yourself and listening to yourself. | ||
| It takes a real type of asshole to do that. | ||
| Right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's the worst. | |
| It takes a real type of asshole to like it. | ||
| Oh, dude. | ||
| That was good. | ||
| And it's you. | ||
| Well, it's pretty good. | ||
| Have you ever been over someone's house and they make you watch something that they did? | ||
| Dude. | ||
| This quarterback, Vinny Testaverde, he was a first-round draft pick. | ||
| He played forever. | ||
| We went to his house and he made me watch... | ||
| The recap of his last football season, a two-hour NFL films recap of the Baltimore Ravens, and it was a nightmare. | ||
| He made you watch a recap? | ||
| Dude, it was so boring. | ||
| Shut the fuck up. | ||
| I promise I want to put a fucking bullet through my head. | ||
| Come on. | ||
| But out of the respect of Vinny Tessaverde, and he beat my ass in basketball before that, I stayed there and watched it. | ||
| Who does that, though? | ||
| I heard about a dude who, he had a party over his house, and then when the people were over there, he made them listen to him sing a song. | ||
| Is it Brian Callen? | ||
| Nope. | ||
| Just kidding. | ||
| Some other guy. | ||
| I know who you're talking about, because I think I was there. | ||
| He played music and sang and was serious. | ||
| During the middle of the Super Bowl, sir, put the Super Bowl on pause, and his band struck up a fucking song. | ||
| I looked around and went... | ||
| Is everyone a terrorist here? | ||
| What the fuck is happening? | ||
| Why is the game paused? | ||
| I'm from Denver, Colorado. | ||
| If you don't put that goddamn drumstick down, I'm going to flip the fuck out. | ||
| That was the most Hollywood thing I've ever seen in my life. | ||
| I went, well, I feel sick, and I'm going to leave now. | ||
| I feel very sick. | ||
| In the middle of the fucking game, man, my Broncos were playing too. | ||
|
unidentified
|
People are so strange, man. | |
| I'm like, what the fuck? | ||
| That's the most Hollywood thing I've ever seen in my life. | ||
| Where I felt sick. | ||
| Yeah, I've seen many of those. | ||
| I was over at someone's house once, and this guy ran outside to his car to get a video to get us to watch a music video that he did, which was one of the worst songs I've ever heard in my life. | ||
| People are great. | ||
| And it was a music video, and it was a music video that looked like it was made for about $3. | ||
| Oh, God. | ||
| And I was just like, what the fuck? | ||
| And he's like singing all sincere in this music video, and we're all sitting around like we have to watch. | ||
| Like what the fuck? | ||
| It's torture. | ||
| Just compressing my chest in a vice. | ||
| I'm like, I can't breathe! | ||
| But you've never seen comics play their hour special when they've had people over. | ||
| I haven't seen that yet, but I'm sure it's happening. | ||
| That's happening right now as we speak. | ||
| Right now, there's a guy who's like, come on, everybody sit down, sit down. | ||
| It's time for my special. | ||
| Come on, everyone get around. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, alright, yeah. | |
| Alright, we should probably talk fighting though. | ||
| What are you laughing at? | ||
| Bert did that? | ||
| Bert Gresher did that? | ||
| No, he did that with his family, though. | ||
| They had, like, a screening. | ||
| No, but they had, like, a specifically... | ||
| Was it friends and... | ||
| It's friends, too? | ||
| Yeah, but he... | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| That's... | ||
| I hear you. | ||
| This is a different thing. | ||
| Like, he invited them to a screening of his special, where that was the purpose. | ||
| It wasn't like he threw it on in the middle of a party. | ||
| Everybody sit down! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sit down! | |
| Try to watch my special! | ||
| Yeah, it's a little weird. | ||
| Bert, I'm enjoying the music, and I got pizza here! | ||
| Yeah, that's a little different. | ||
| Yeah, it's different. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, I like that, yeah, yeah. | |
| No, it was a screening, and his agents were there, and his managers were there, and people that worked at his... | ||
| Do you have family come to your shooting your specials? | ||
| No! | ||
| Me neither. | ||
| No! | ||
| I don't like them at the show. | ||
| No, no, no, no. | ||
| You know, if someone from my family comes and watches me, I mean, they come to a show. | ||
| Yeah, but they're not coming to the shooting of your specials. | ||
| And I don't ever ask them to. | ||
| If they want to, that's fine. | ||
| But does your wife like to go? | ||
| Sometimes. | ||
| I have her come out every six months or so. | ||
| Just to see. | ||
| Just to see. | ||
| Tell me, is there anything new? | ||
| What's different? | ||
| Because she's known you for so long, she would know. | ||
| It's like... | ||
| Yeah, here's the thing. | ||
| If someone sees you every weekend, and I have friends that take their girlfriends on the road with them, and they get so bored with their acts. | ||
| Because they're watching a guy perform every night. | ||
| Two nights... | ||
| Two in a row, two shows in a night. | ||
| Your act is nonsense to them. | ||
| You're one of my favorite people on planet Earth. | ||
| I've seen your set when you're ready for this a bunch of times. | ||
| And when I was leaving, someone was like, you know what, Joe? | ||
| I'm like, dude, I've seen it, man. | ||
| It's not disrespectful. | ||
| He understands. | ||
| I've seen it, though. | ||
| I don't even watch, like... | ||
| I've seen it ten times. | ||
| I don't even watch my favorites. | ||
| Like, even Joey, I'll sometimes leave the room if he's on stage. | ||
| Yeah, you don't... | ||
| You also don't want to get bored with someone's act. | ||
| You can't watch them over and over and over and over again. | ||
| But that's what happens with girlfriends. | ||
| Girlfriends that go on the road with guys, they're watching two sets a night. | ||
| What a terrible idea. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Thursday, Friday, Saturday, blah! | |
| And then they just think you suck. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ha! | |
| Because you don't make them laugh anymore. | ||
| Yeah, they're just over it. | ||
| They're like, really? | ||
| This is what you do? | ||
| You tell the same story every night? | ||
| Shut up, bitch. | ||
| You pretend it's a new story. | ||
| And then if you have a new opening act, like, he's really funny. | ||
| Like, he's funny. | ||
| What about me? | ||
| He's funny. | ||
| Oh, I've seen you too many times. | ||
| Like, oh, no. | ||
| Yeah, my brother used to think I was great. | ||
| He's on the road to me every time. | ||
| And the other night I go, here we go again. | ||
| He goes, I feel like I could do your act now. | ||
| I'm like, motherfucker. | ||
| He's probably good. | ||
| He probably knows it by heart. | ||
| We used to do that in Boston. | ||
| We had a thing called Joe Biden Night at Stitches. | ||
| Joe Biden, who was the former vice president, people don't remember this, but in 1988, when he was running for president, he got busted retelling some of Kennedy's old speeches. | ||
| Come on, man. | ||
| This is in 88. Yeah. | ||
| It was a big scandal. | ||
| And that kind of took him out of the running for being president for a long time. | ||
| Although they're talking about it again for 2020. So we would do Joe Biden night at the Comedy Store. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| I would do your act. | ||
| That's awesome. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| People probably loved it. | ||
| Oh, they loved it. | ||
| It was, you know, like an off night. | ||
| It was like a Monday. | ||
| Like you doing Joey Diaz? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| It'd be fucking great. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Well, that would be good because I can do an impression of Joey. | ||
| I know. | ||
| Like a lot of it was just people just doing the material. | ||
| Chris D'Elia does Callan? | ||
| Fucking great. | ||
| Yeah, comedy is a weird thing. | ||
| That's one of the things about this special. | ||
| I got too close to it. | ||
| When you're editing things and you're practicing it and you're doing it over and over again, I know it's working. | ||
| I know it's going to work. | ||
| It's polished. | ||
| I practiced it. | ||
| I wrote it out. | ||
| I redid it. | ||
| I fucking edited it and changed it and twisted it. | ||
| I know how to do it, but I also don't want to hear it. | ||
| No. | ||
| I've heard it too many times. | ||
| So you get too close to it. | ||
| So then when people are going to see it for the very first time, you're like, I don't know. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I hope they like it. | ||
| I'm too close to it. | ||
| But you still get nervous even after all these years. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes! | |
| If you care, you get nervous. | ||
| And isn't it? | ||
| You're so close to this body of work. | ||
| Like you said, this is your baby. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| If someone's like, dude, that sucked. | ||
| You're like, motherfucker. | ||
| There's definitely people that are going to think it sucks. | ||
| That's always going to happen. | ||
| But my thing is the majority of my fans who like my comedy, I want them to like it. | ||
| Correct. | ||
| And so for me, it's like I was confident. | ||
| I knew I did everything I could do. | ||
| I know I'm a good comic, and I know I've done everything I could do to make this my best one. | ||
| So I knew I was confident. | ||
| I knew it was a good special. | ||
| And I thought it was my best special. | ||
| I'm very confident that it's my best special. | ||
| But still, I'm too close to it. | ||
| So I don't know. | ||
| Anyway, Conor McGregor vs. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Khabib. | |
| Well, that's a good transition. | ||
| This weekend, boy. | ||
| I'll tell you this, dude. | ||
| I'll tell you this. | ||
| I'm not being a hater. | ||
| I'm not being some sort of Debbie Downer. | ||
| I don't think it breaks two million pay-per-view buys. | ||
| You might be right. | ||
| I'm not seeing it, man. | ||
| Like, when Conor fought Floyd or when Conor, Nate Diaz, too, I couldn't go anywhere. | ||
| Without hearing about it. | ||
| Car dealer, everyone went, dude, Conor Floyd, who you got, man? | ||
| Everybody and their mom. | ||
| Now, very rare. | ||
| Maybe on one of my shows someone will bring it up, but... | ||
| There's something that Conor didn't want to do for this fight, and that's massive promotion. | ||
| So does that mean it's not as big? | ||
| Like, who's that falling? | ||
| Is that Conor or the UFC? It's both. | ||
| He doesn't want to do it. | ||
| Well, the UFC has a model, right? | ||
| And it worked in the Jose Aldo fight. | ||
| That model is you just promote the holy fuck out of a fight. | ||
| You travel the world. | ||
| You promote the shit out of it. | ||
| You scream at each other at press conferences. | ||
| You do all that stuff for months and months and months, and those things sell like crazy. | ||
| If it's Conor McGregor. | ||
| If it's Conor McGregor. | ||
| Who have they ever done it with besides Conor McGregor like that? | ||
| No one really sells like that. | ||
| A little bit with Ronda, I guess, but she didn't have the same kind of chops as Conor. | ||
| So Conor's the only one, but I don't know. | ||
| Maybe it's because he had a layoff, maybe it's after the Floyd thing. | ||
| I think it does well. | ||
| I don't think it breaks Conor versus Nate, too. | ||
| I don't think it breaks $1.6 million. | ||
| What I think happened was Conor made a hundred fucking million dollars, and he was like, yeah, I'm just going to train. | ||
| You know, I think there's that, and the asshole goes, that took so much energy to do all that, and everyone knows me as that guy. | ||
| I have the toughest fight in my life coming up. | ||
| I'm taking every precaution necessary not to overtrain, not to use all my energy. | ||
| This, I'm in the fight of my life, and I'm going to train like it. | ||
| I'm shutting down everything. | ||
| You can... | ||
| Post the fucking me throwing the dolly through the window 1,000 times. | ||
| I'll do the press conference on Thursday. | ||
| Other than that, man, I have got to get ready for the fight of my life. | ||
| That's the way I'm looking at it. | ||
| I think you're right, and I think this is the fight of his life. | ||
| I think stylistically, it's a nightmare matchup. | ||
| I think it's a nightmare matchup for both of them. | ||
| I think anyone who goes, oh, Conor, he can't wrestle, he can't do this, he's just going to get taken down and pounded out. | ||
| You're so off, it's not even funny. | ||
| You don't know the game, man. | ||
| He absolutely is capable of stuffing a takedown or two in the early going. | ||
| That's what's up. | ||
| Because in the early going, he's got that stinger of a left hand. | ||
| His movement. | ||
| His footwork. | ||
| His movement, his footwork, and Khabib is going to know that coming in. | ||
| He's going to be a little hesitant. | ||
| He's not going to walk towards him like Edson Barboza did. | ||
| Or he did in the Edson Barboza fight. | ||
| He can't. | ||
| Because Barboza is mostly kicks. | ||
| Barboza throws a lot of kicks, a lot of tie style kicks, and Khabib just put a tremendous amount of pressure on him and then got a hold of him. | ||
| But Conor's going to crack him with hands, and his footwork is way better. | ||
| He's just way better at moving in and moving out. | ||
| I think when people go, it's either Conor starches him and gets the KO, or Khabib just takes him down for five rounds and pounds him out. | ||
| I think it's a classic fight. | ||
| I think it's back and forth. | ||
| I think it's a fucking dogfight. | ||
| I think it's a fight of our lives, man. | ||
| I really do. | ||
| I think you're probably right. | ||
| I think you're getting a fucking great fight from two guys where there's more on the line than just win or lose. | ||
| I think with Khabib and what he represents and talking to his team, his team captain, Josh Thompson, he goes, Khabib's going to retire after this. | ||
| Really? | ||
| He wants to beat Conor and retire. | ||
| Really? | ||
| He wants to retire like the Floyd Mayweather of MMA, 27-0, beat the UFC's poster boy and he walks off in the sunset. | ||
| Unless they get him a super fight with GSP or something, he's done. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Wow. | ||
| That's shocking. | ||
| He's young. | ||
| Very shocking. | ||
| But think how long he's been doing this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Since he's four, he's been fucking up grizzly bears. | ||
| So he's like, all right, I'm over this, man. | ||
| And not to mention, he lives with his family, man. | ||
| He still lives with his mom and dad, his wife, and his two kids, same house. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| That's what kind of monster you're dealing with. | ||
| And then for Conor, I think it's a legacy fight where... | ||
| You know, he's coming off the Floyd Mayweather kind of train there where, you know, it was a success either way you look at it. | ||
| He made a hundred million dollars and he competed against the best of all time and lasted more rounds than anyone thought and trained for a complete boxing match. | ||
| So his striking is going to be better going in this fight. | ||
| But for him, it's not about the money. | ||
| You see him, the one interview he's done on Mac Life, you can see it's like it's a vintage Conner. | ||
| We go, oh shit, we got one here, man. | ||
| This isn't, you know, the Floyd Mayweather is more of a show. | ||
| Like, you know, we didn't think he was going to win that. | ||
| This one, you look at it, oh shit, that's vintage Conor. | ||
| This motherfucker's coming to fight. | ||
| And he might get taken down. | ||
| Yes, I guarantee you he gets taken down. | ||
| That motherfucker's going to get back up. | ||
| He's going to get up. | ||
| He's going to keep getting up. | ||
| And Khabib's going to keep coming. | ||
| And we've got a dogfight, man. | ||
| I think both guys are going to be fucked up after this fight. | ||
| It's going to be a classic. | ||
| It could be. | ||
| Fast forward, fucking... | ||
| Khabib starts in seven seconds. | ||
| People are just going to be playing this on a loop. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Just... | |
| Play this on a loop. | ||
| Look, Khabib's got to get through the fire, you know? | ||
| He's got to get through the fire in the early going. | ||
| He's got to close that distance and he's got to do it with precision without letting his nerves affect him, right? | ||
| I mean, he's got all the shit talking Conor's done to him. | ||
| He's seen him rattle at the press conference. | ||
| He's rattled. | ||
| When he started talking about his dad, he's rattled. | ||
| And I think we've also never seen Khabib fight with high stakes. | ||
| Like when he fought Al Iaquinta, that wasn't high stakes. | ||
| Al's an amazing fighter, but that's not the same as fighting Conor McGregor. | ||
| When he's fighting Edson Barboza, that's not high stakes. | ||
| When you're fighting Conor McGregor, Conor takes all the chips on that poker table, puts it all in the middle, goes, I'm all in. | ||
| You have to be all in. | ||
| I do well under these circumstances. | ||
| How do you respond? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So we've never seen Khabib. | ||
| And everyone goes, oh, his cardio is great. | ||
| It is great. | ||
| But when the fucking Irish nation is rocking that fucking arena and there's all this pressure, his heart rate's going to go up. | ||
| And he's going to be like, God, I fucking hate this guy. | ||
| Khabib's never fought a guy who he hates. | ||
| He hates Conor. | ||
| Is he going to be overzealous and open himself up? | ||
| There has to be something there. | ||
| We don't know. | ||
| Aldo was an assassin until that fight. | ||
| Completely. | ||
| One of the best of all time. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Still is. | ||
| But that fight exposed how good Conor's psychological game is. | ||
| Because months and months of being on tour with Conor, those press conferences, Conor stealing his belt and screaming at him and getting in his face and then starches him with one punch. | ||
| Amazing. | ||
| But what else is interesting is, remember, Conor's an amazing counterpuncher. | ||
| Well, to be an amazing counterpuncher, you need a guy to punch at you. | ||
| Khabib's not going to punch at him. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Unless it becomes an ego thing like you did with Al or Edson Barboza where you just walk him down, there's no respect. | ||
| He might throw some punches, so it's going to be interesting for Conor to find those angles when a guy's not playing the game. | ||
| Also, Khabib has had a history of struggling to make weight. | ||
| He cannot struggle to make weight for this fight. | ||
| He's got to be on point. | ||
| He came into that press conference at 174. They said this motherfucker started camp at 180-something. | ||
| He's never been more serious for a fight. | ||
| Which, for people listening, if you're saying, like, well, Buddy fights at 155, he used to play 200. 200, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, and then get down to 155. And it was not good. | ||
| I mean, the Michael Johnson fight, he struggled. | ||
| He had, like, some real shutdown issues. | ||
| And then the Tony Ferguson fight, they pulled him out of the fight. | ||
| He can't have any of that nonsense this weekend. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| No, no. | ||
| I don't think we will. | ||
| The nonsense, the only thing where Jamie Toney's going to the fight, I would never go to this fight. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| I would not go to this fight for this reason. | ||
| I'm a complete pussy. | ||
| I think something's going to happen in the crowd between the Russians and the Irish. | ||
| Why do you think that? | ||
| Just the animosity between the two. | ||
| They hate each other so bad. | ||
| If this fight happens for Conor, you're going to have upset Russians. | ||
| If it happens for Khabib, you're going to have upset fucking Irish. | ||
| I think it's gotten bigger than just a UFC fight. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| I do, man. | ||
| It's so hostile. | ||
| You think you wouldn't go to this fight because the potential, the violence breaks out? | ||
| Correct. | ||
| I also don't like going to UFC fights. | ||
| I also don't like going to UFC fights. | ||
| Why don't you like it? | ||
| Because you used to fight? | ||
| It's just stressful for me. | ||
| Yeah, just super stressful for me. | ||
| Do you feel like you're going to fight again when you're there? | ||
| Yeah, I get the nerves and I'm just like, oh god. | ||
| I go complete opposite of that now. | ||
| I try to get more relaxed when I'm doing stand-up stuff. | ||
| I don't want to be in that scared mode anymore. | ||
| Yeah, that's interesting. | ||
| My heart rate, I'm just sweating the whole time. | ||
| I'm just like around, like sweating. | ||
| I look like shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ah! | |
| Ah! | ||
| Pull up that card. | ||
| Let me see the rest of the card. | ||
| Dude, if you're Tony Ferguson, it's like, oh yeah, and Tony's fighting. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I know. | ||
| And he's fighting Pettis. | ||
| It's not an easy fight for a comeback. | ||
| Fight for Tony. | ||
| I mean, I'm just amazed that he's able to fight again so quickly after knee surgery. | ||
| You know what's interesting to me is I asked Josh Thompson, who knows Khabib, and obviously you can talk to DC about it, but I go, dude, Tony's back. | ||
| Like, if Khabib were to win, he'd fight Tony, right? | ||
| And he goes, no interest. | ||
| That fight does nothing to him mentally. | ||
| He just doesn't care about it. | ||
| I'm like... | ||
| Khabib just doesn't care. | ||
| Yeah, he's like not with Tony. | ||
| So he really just wants to fight Conor and then get out. | ||
| Get out. | ||
| Or fight GSP. From Josh Thompson's mouth, from Khabib, he wants to beat the UFC's poster boy, Dana's poster boy, and walk the fuck out. | ||
| Unless they give him a super fight. | ||
| Who the fuck has ever been 26-0 as a champion? | ||
| I think that's the only one. | ||
| Yeah, but 26-0 for sure. | ||
| He's fucking fighting Dagestanis. | ||
| Who else has been an undefeated champion? | ||
| Undefeated champion? | ||
| John Jones. | ||
| But John Jones, did he fight Matt Hamill before he won the title? | ||
| Yeah, he fought Matt Hamill on the Ultimate Fighter. | ||
| Roy Nelson, Brendan Shaw. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, no, no. | |
| It wasn't the Ultimate Fighter. | ||
| Yeah, it was the Ultimate Fighter finale. | ||
| Because I fought Roy Nelson, John Jones fought Matt Hamill. | ||
| Not on the Ultimate Fighter. | ||
| No, you know when they do the finale. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That's a bullshit loss though. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| You got a loss from whooping a dude's ass so bad. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| As far as undefeated champions... | ||
| Who? | ||
| I don't think there's one. | ||
| Hennenborough. | ||
| Oh, he won, but he lost his first fight. | ||
| Hennenborough lost his first ever UFC fight. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| He had like 30 wins in a row or some shit, but had a weird loss back in Brazil. | ||
| Yeah, he lost his first MMA fight, rather. | ||
| Ronda! | ||
| Yeah, Ronda. | ||
| Ronda's undefeated. | ||
| Yeah, Ronda's only two losses were the two title fights between Holly and Amanda. | ||
| Let's see. | ||
| What do you got there, Jamie? | ||
| What are you pulling up? | ||
| A list of undefeated MMA champions. | ||
| Ben Askren hanging around. | ||
| Yeah, Ben Askren's for sure one of them. | ||
| Ben Askren to me, and I've had him on the podcast, I've said this a hundred times. | ||
| I know, I love the guy. | ||
| He's my, oh, Brian Ortega. | ||
| But Brian Ortega isn't really a champion. | ||
| Well, these aren't champions, are they? | ||
| These just undefeated MMA fighters. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, sorry, yeah, yeah. | |
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| These aren't champions. | ||
| Ben's the one guy who I'd love to see come out of retirement and fight Khabib. | ||
| He's the one guy that's my biggest disappointment that that guy never fought in the UFC. It's a fucking shame. | ||
| But the thing is, like, Khabib wouldn't fight. | ||
| Nobody knows who he is outside of the hardcore guys like you or myself. | ||
| Why would you fight? | ||
| And maybe lose. | ||
| Maybe get out-wrestled. | ||
| Here's the only, if you're gonna say something about Khabib, he's 27-0. | ||
| When you look at the body of work from Conor compared to Khabib, it's not even close. | ||
| The wins that Conor has are remarkable. | ||
| You look at the Max Holloway, Chad Mendes, Jose Aldo. | ||
| What he did to Eddie Alvarez. | ||
| Ridiculous. | ||
| That was ridiculous. | ||
| Ridiculous. | ||
| Nate Diaz win, Nate Diaz loss. | ||
| You just look at the caliber of opponents that he's faced from a very young age. | ||
| It's a nightmare. | ||
| You look at Khabib, he's 27-0. | ||
| His biggest win is probably Barboza. | ||
| Dos Anjos when he was a little weathered, but you know. | ||
| But Barboza is a perfect stylistic matchup for him. | ||
| We don't know which could be. | ||
| We know he's damn good, but how good? | ||
| He's had one weird moment in his entire career. | ||
| That's when Michael Johnson cracked him. | ||
| Wobbled him for a second, and then he took him down and smashed him. | ||
| The Gleason... | ||
| Tebow? | ||
| Tebow fight got a little dicey too. | ||
| Did it? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Boy, I don't remember that fight at all. | ||
| But with Michael Johnson, it's funny to me because Michael Johnson landed that big overhand and people go, oh, Khabib has a weak chin. | ||
| I'm like, well, he's never been dropped. | ||
| He's never been as sound as that's ever. | ||
| Michael Johnson starched Dustin Poirier with one punch. | ||
| Don't forget about that. | ||
| Michael Johnson can fucking punch. | ||
| He's explosive as shit. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, he caught Khabib and Khabib got rocked for a second and then weathered the storm, took him down, smashed him. | ||
| It was a total dominant performance. | ||
| Yeah, if you look at his performance, like you look at his resume, Pat Healy was a tough fighter. | ||
| Tough vet. | ||
| That showed. | ||
| Abel Trujillo, he smashed Abel Trujillo. | ||
| Remember Abel, he took down more times than anyone inside that octagon. | ||
| 21 times, I think. | ||
| And he was a college wrestler. | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| And a strong guy, too. | ||
| Abel Strong as shit. | ||
| And that's at least in T-Bow, what is that, 2012? | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's the juicy T-Bow. | |
| Yeah, the real big fight was the Barboza fight, and then Al Iaquinta was, I mean, as his last minute gets. | ||
| And he still went five whole rounds with Iaquinta, which was interesting for a lot of people. | ||
| Like, I talked to Eddie Alvarez after that fight, and he was, like, very interesting. | ||
| Very interesting. | ||
| Yeah, I was like, you saw a lot of things in that fight, huh? | ||
| He was like, yeah. | ||
| He's like, you know, once the fight got into the later rounds and he's still standing up with guys, he'll go, oh, all right. | ||
| It's so interesting to me because when you talk to anyone from AKA, obviously they're super pro Khabib, but they're like, dude, this isn't even a fight. | ||
| This is one of Khabib's easier fights. | ||
| He's definitely had way tougher matchups. | ||
| I'm like, you're crazy, man. | ||
| They're like, you should see Khabib go against Ed Ruth, who's an All-American Penn State wrestler. | ||
| He fucks him up. | ||
| He takes him down. | ||
| I'm like, what? | ||
| But that's that wrestling, that dance, that rhythm. | ||
| Conor's not on that rhythm. | ||
| No. | ||
| You're talking about a different animal. | ||
| You're talking about a guy who is one of the best fencers in the game, meaning can jump in with one shot and put you out. | ||
| And he can do it moving back, he can do it moving forward, he can time you, and he'll be very calm in there. | ||
| You will get the very best Conor McGregor. | ||
| He's also no slouch on the ground. | ||
| People think he's just going to get taken down and get crucifixed right away. | ||
| You're out of your goddamn mind. | ||
| The guy trains with Dylan Dennis. | ||
| He's brought in these Dagestani wrestlers. | ||
| He's training with the lead of the lead. | ||
| You know what Khabib's going to do. | ||
| It's way easier to train for Khabib than it is Conor. | ||
| The dark horse fight on the card is Derek Lewis and Volkov. | ||
| That's a great fight. | ||
| Alexander Volkov might be the best heavyweight on the planet. | ||
| What's he won? | ||
| His last six-fight winning streak? | ||
| He's a guy who's flying under the radar. | ||
| He's giant, too. | ||
| His last fight, he knocked out Verdum. | ||
| People forget. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Isn't he like 6'8 or some shit? | ||
| 6'8, yeah. | ||
| 6'8. | ||
| Giant, tall, long dude who did real well in Bellator. | ||
| World champion in Bellator. | ||
| And he has massive experience. | ||
| And you see him in that fight with Verdum. | ||
| He fucked Verdum up. | ||
| I know, man. | ||
| He's a problem. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| Verdum just released a statement saying that USADA asked him to snitch. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| What's going on with the snitching stuff? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| They offered him a more lenient sentence if he was willing to snitch. | ||
| And he goes, fuck you. | ||
| I love Verdoom. | ||
| I love that too. | ||
| And then I guess John was like, cool. | ||
| I don't know John. | ||
| I don't either. | ||
| But that's what they're saying. | ||
| I don't either. | ||
| I didn't hear that John snitched. | ||
| Did you hear John snitched? | ||
| That's what the statement says. | ||
| But John's manager says that he didn't. | ||
| What statement from who? | ||
| The statement from... | ||
| Come on bro. | ||
| His manager. | ||
| Did you just give him a skeptical hippo face? | ||
| Dude, but no, I'm not saying John did. | ||
| Let's be very clear. | ||
| All I'm saying is he came out with that statement and then Malky goes, he didn't snitch. | ||
| Everybody's like, wait, what? | ||
| Nowitzki was like, no, you said you're going to give us some info to help us out down the road with other people. | ||
| So, you know, I don't... | ||
| What? | ||
| Yeah, USADA had to release an official statement and went, hold on. | ||
| Wait a minute. | ||
| Because Maliki came out and was like, no, we never agreed to say we're going to snitch. | ||
| And then USADA was like, well, no, remember? | ||
| Remember the contract you signed? | ||
| Here's this section of the contract. | ||
| They said they would help them out in the future with other people. | ||
| I mean, bring it up, Jamie. | ||
| John Jones, world champion, walking around wearing a wire. | ||
| Hey, guys. | ||
| My creatine just ain't working. | ||
| Anyone else just exhausted today? | ||
| You guys are just so ripped. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You got anything? | |
| What's your secret? | ||
| You got anything, bro? | ||
| Why aren't you in a full hoodie and sweatsuit in the sauna? | ||
| I'm going to go out on a limb here. | ||
| I don't think that John cheated. | ||
| You don't think he cheated? | ||
| No. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It's very murky waters. | ||
| I might be wrong. | ||
| I don't think he cheated. | ||
| I think he took something that was tainted. | ||
| I think that's why they're only giving him a year off. | ||
| Look, I had said it on the podcast before. | ||
| You don't have any skeptical hippo eyes about how it's shortened sentence, it's ready to go right around New York, right around the CSPN deal? | ||
| Malky says there was none, but I keep saying that and everybody keeps running with it. | ||
| Substantial assistance doesn't necessarily mean it has to be on somebody else. | ||
| It could have been on himself. | ||
| What? | ||
| So go up to the part that USADA said. | ||
| That's what USADA released, that statement. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| USADA said there are two avenues, blah, blah, blah, anti-doping policy, allow for reduction of sanctions. | ||
| One, an individual can get a sanction reduction if he or she provides information that results in USADA or another anti-doping agency bringing forward an anti-doping policy violation against other athletes or support personnel. | ||
| And or two, a reduction can be given if the information results in a criminal or disciplinary body bringing forward a criminal offense against individuals... | ||
| Importantly, if the athlete or support personnel fails to continue to cooperate and provide credible substantial assistance, USADA will reinstate the original sanction. | ||
| That's snitching. | ||
| Where I come from, but I don't know. | ||
| Now, I don't think John snitched on anyone to get a shorter sentence. | ||
| We'll find out if Jackson guys are popping left and right all of a sudden, but I don't think John did that. | ||
| I think that's just in there, maybe? | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| Or if... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| We do not know, and I like to give John Jones the benefit of the doubt. | ||
| And I will say this. | ||
| If I'm a UFC fighter... | ||
| I am hiring Malky to be my goddamn manager. | ||
| Because what he's done with John, what he did with frickin' all his guys, what he did with your boy, your old Romero, he goes to bat for them. | ||
| No one else is fucking with a golden snitch like Malky does. | ||
| And everyone else kind of just goes, ah, fuck, we got busted, man. | ||
| Not Malky, man. | ||
| That dude's going to the end of the earth to fight for your freedom. | ||
| I don't know him that well. | ||
| I don't know him as a person. | ||
| Managers are managers. | ||
| But I'm saying, if I'm the UFC, because they can't negotiate your sponsorship, it's Reebok. | ||
| So what can they really do? | ||
| Your contract, and now you've got to deal with Usado, who's a huge deal. | ||
| Malky is this fucking dog right now that you want in your back pocket. | ||
| And it's interesting that USADA has just released a statement that they're changing their policy. | ||
| So say if you piss hot, they don't... | ||
| And what's really interesting is Sean O'Malley, right afterwards, said, yo, I pissed hot. | ||
| He said, they don't want to announce that people pissed hot? | ||
| He goes, I pissed hot. | ||
| And he goes, let me tell you something. | ||
| They're going to check my supplements, and we think we've got it nailed. | ||
| We think we know what it is. | ||
| But in the meantime, this is why I was removed from this fight this weekend. | ||
| So they're not going to announce it. | ||
| They're just going to pull you from the card. | ||
| They're just going to pull you from the card. | ||
| That ain't right. | ||
| And they don't announce it. | ||
| That ain't right. | ||
| And then they go through the entire steps. | ||
| And then if you're exonerated, you were never accused in the first place. | ||
| See, the problem is, whether Sean O'Malley, whoever you are, Travis Brown, whoever, name any fighter you want. | ||
| If you've ever been, if it's even been hinted, if you've ever had an issue... | ||
| And you get that label. | ||
| People just go, he's on steroids. | ||
| They don't do a big announcement going, sorry, we didn't find anything. | ||
| My bad. | ||
| Hey, Josh Barnett, sorry you've been out for 22 months. | ||
| My bad. | ||
| What the fuck, man? | ||
| Give me some sort of compensation. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| Also, so it took you how long to figure this out? | ||
| I can't work during that time period. | ||
| And because of you, I can't work. | ||
| And you made a mistake. | ||
| And you made the mistake. | ||
| How are we going to make this right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, my bad. | |
| You can go fight now. | ||
| That's insane. | ||
| Especially for Josh. | ||
| He's like 37. He's not young. | ||
| Or how about for- I think he's actually older than 37. Josh might be 40. Yeah, he's long in the tooth. | ||
| He's been doing it for a hot minute. | ||
| Yeah, I mean he was- But think if you're Jon Jones though, dude. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Let's say you're right and he didn't do anything. | ||
| Nothing on purpose and it was some bullshit supplement and he's been dragged through the mud rightfully so after hitting a woman pregnant and all that. | ||
| But with this- That's a different thing though. | ||
| That's a different thing. | ||
| With this, you're like, what the fuck, man? | ||
| Right. | ||
| I could have fought Brock Lesnar, I could have been living DC's life, but because of this, I've been out. | ||
| My name's been tarnished forever. | ||
| Yeah, but there was something in his urine. | ||
| There was a substance, and that substance is a performance-enhancing substance. | ||
| The real question is, did it come, like, there's a lot of people that got it from supplements. | ||
| This is happening all throughout sports, but then there's people that say no. | ||
| They're saying that it happened from supplements, but really that's just an excuse for them getting popped. | ||
| That's what most people think. | ||
| The majority side with that. | ||
| The problem in John's situation is that he tested negative, and then he tested positive, and then he tested negative in a very short period of time, which means the amount that was in his system is a trace amount. | ||
| Which is not anything that you could take that would impart performance-enhancing benefits. | ||
| No, they said having a drop of steroids in a huge vat of water. | ||
| It's not going to benefit them. | ||
| Now, some people, and not me, man. | ||
| I'm with you. | ||
| Maybe he did take something that he wasn't supposed to, but I don't think it helped his performance. | ||
| But some people say, well, he was microdosing, so he didn't get it out of his system in time. | ||
| That's why it's such a small trace amount. | ||
| But at the time, if they would have tested him, it would have been a higher dose. | ||
| Potency. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| I don't think you can microdose this shit, though. | ||
| I have no idea, Joe. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| But listen, they said he didn't do it. | ||
| Here's the shitty thing, though. | ||
| Now DC's upset because they're like, KDC, we're going to strip you of one of your belts and John's going to fight for it. | ||
| But they haven't worked that out yet. | ||
| Maybe that's why the Gustafson-John Jones situation still hasn't been resolved yet. | ||
| Ding, ding. | ||
| We're going to find out this weekend. | ||
| You think? | ||
| Let me see out the card. | ||
| Yeah, I think this weekend they'll have to announce. | ||
| They have to announce something. | ||
| It's a fucking month away, man. | ||
| I mean, what else do you do? | ||
| You know, this is a great card. | ||
| Obviously, the main event's ridiculous, but that Mass Square Garden card's a better fight. | ||
| Better overall fight card. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, I think it is, too. | ||
| This is, look, the big fights on this card are Nurmagomedov and Ferguson versus Pettis. | ||
| Nurmagomedov versus Conor is a fight for the ages. | ||
| I mean, that's absolutely one of the biggest fights in the history of the sport. | ||
| That's a giant fucking fight. | ||
| I mean, undefeated champion who just smashes and mauls people against one of the most enigmatic, charismatic fucking superstars of sports ever known. | ||
| And he's coming off of a long two-year absence from MMA where he fought the biggest boxer on the planet Earth, arguably the best boxer ever, and went 10 rounds with him. | ||
| And then he's going from that to fighting Nurmagomedov again for the title. | ||
| This is a giant fight. | ||
| Huge fight. | ||
| Biggest fight in UFC history. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| Conor has changed the sport. | ||
| I mean, he really has. | ||
| Oh, forever. | ||
| He's a different thing. | ||
| He's different than all the rest of the fighters. | ||
| He's just different. | ||
| He's so much more of a superstar. | ||
| Yeah, he's the biggest celebrity with the best talents they've ever had. | ||
| And not doing other things, too. | ||
| He's like, fuck your movies. | ||
| Dude, I know firsthand he's had some crazy offers. | ||
| I'm like, he didn't take that? | ||
| And they're like, no, he didn't want to do it. | ||
| He says he wants to be loyal to the game. | ||
| He's like, there's plenty of time for that bullshit when I'm done fighting. | ||
| Brilliant. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, that's the way to do it. | ||
| I mean, I think that is one of the things that did Ronda in. | ||
| That she was doing everything. | ||
| I mean, they had her doing movies. | ||
| They had her doing TV shows. | ||
| I think Dad did her in, but also the skill set. | ||
| With Connor, it's a little different. | ||
| He has the skill set. | ||
| Yes, yes. | ||
| Well, it's a more comprehensive camp, too. | ||
| I mean, there was Achilles' heel with Ronda was the camp. | ||
| I mean, look, if you're fighting someone like Amanda Nunes, you better be fully prepared. | ||
| It's just different, too, you know, with the female division, you know, it's still growing. | ||
| So, you know, what she was in her time period was one of the best of all time, was the pioneer of the sport. | ||
| But, you know, there's so much in their infancy of starting with mixed martial arts. | ||
| They're adapting fast. | ||
| So Rhonda didn't get better when everyone else got a lot better. | ||
| So by the time they caught up to her, she didn't have the skill sets of the And I think there was, I think you're right, I think her game didn't advance, but I think there was also, I mean, just, look, she was so fucking good compared to them in the beginning. | ||
| She was just so good. | ||
| And then she was doing everything. | ||
| She was doing TV shows, movies, everything. | ||
| Just the wrong people around, from her management to her agent, Brad, like the whole thing was a nightmare. | ||
| The whole thing's a nightmare. | ||
| So she's doing all that stuff. | ||
| It totaled all these distractions. | ||
| It worked out financially up to a point. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But those two losses were big ones. | |
| Big ones. | ||
| I mean, it worked out in the sense where she's doing something else. | ||
| She looks happy. | ||
| She's in the WWE. She's a huge star over there. | ||
| She's actually really good at it. | ||
| She's killing it over there. | ||
| If you're in the WWE, apparently she's unnatural at it. | ||
| So she's the champ over there, not getting hit in the face. | ||
| No brain damage. | ||
| Well, you can still get brain damage. | ||
| So I guess it kind of worked out. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| When you're talking about Khabib and Conor, you're talking about the two most skillful lightweights of all time. | ||
| One guy is the best grappler we've ever seen in the UFC in Khabib. | ||
| The other is the best striker we've ever seen in the UFC. One of them, for sure. | ||
| I think he's the best. | ||
| As far as timing, as far as putting it all together, his movement, we've never seen anything like it. | ||
| I think what he does is completely different than what Wonderboy does. | ||
| We've seen a Wonderboy. | ||
| I can go watch. | ||
| I'm not taking any credit away from Wonderboy. | ||
| I'm saying from Wonderboy coming over with his kickboxing background into UFC, we've seen some of that. | ||
| Wonderboy's just the best actor. | ||
| See, the thing is, you've never seen Conor fight a guy like Wonderboy, whereas you've seen Wonderboy fight Darren Till. | ||
| You've seen Wonderboy fight someone who's that kind of a striker. | ||
| You've never seen Conor fight someone who is as dangerous standing up as he is. | ||
| Jose Aldo. | ||
| Yeah, but it was a different weight class, really. | ||
| Not at the time, that's what he fought, though, Joe. | ||
| He's so much bigger than Aldo. | ||
| You're right, you're right. | ||
| Remember, Jose Aldo is a fucking assassin. | ||
| What he did to Jose, for whatever reason, puts a shade over Jose. | ||
| Jose was so good, man. | ||
| He was a killer. | ||
| Striking was amazing. | ||
| Everyone's hanging off his Brazilian nuts. | ||
| And they get starched in 13 seconds. | ||
| We're like, he's alright. | ||
| But then the question is, did Conor catch him when he had already taken in a lot of damage? | ||
| After the second Chad Mendes fight, people started to question because the second fight, that was a war. | ||
| Great fight. | ||
| My favorite fights of all time. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, it's a good point. | ||
| And then he fights a young Max Holloway. | ||
| They're both young. | ||
| That's not an easy fight. | ||
| Beats Max Holloway and has a torn fucking ACL or MCL in his knee. | ||
| Does that. | ||
| He fights Dustin Poirier. | ||
| You look at the guy, like Max Holloway, champion. | ||
| Dustin Poirier. | ||
| He's fighting fucking Nate Diaz now. | ||
| He could easily be the 155 champion. | ||
| Eddie Alvarez, champion. | ||
| Chad Mendes champion. | ||
| What do you know about, but you have a Chad Mendes super last-minute notice, no cardio, didn't have a camp at all. | ||
| I'm just saying, a win to win, brother. | ||
| Yeah, it's true. | ||
| It's true. | ||
| But there's a caveat next to that one. | ||
| For sure, but still. | ||
| What are you hearing about Max Holloway? | ||
| They're fighting. | ||
| It just got announced. | ||
| Is he okay again? | ||
| They're fighting in Toronto. | ||
| Yeah, he's good to go. | ||
| What happened? | ||
| Bad weight cut from what I hear. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Yep. | ||
| Bad weight cut? | ||
| Yep. | ||
| So how the fuck is he going to make that weight again? | ||
| Probably go, what did we do last camp and redo everything? | ||
| He's so big, dude. | ||
| He's so big. | ||
| Ortega's big too, though, man. | ||
| He figures it out. | ||
| Yeah, but he hasn't been doing it as long. | ||
| I think the thing about the weight cutting is, and this is like one of the things that I've been learning, talking to nutritionists and guys who diet and guys who get ready for bodybuilding competitions, like talking to Lane Norton last week, who's a scientist, like a legit PhD, as well as a guy who's competed in bodybuilding. | ||
| He's like, your body does not want to do that. | ||
| And your body tries to protect you from doing it. | ||
| And the more times you do it, the more and more difficult it is for you to do. | ||
| Weight cutting is the number one primary problem with MMA. 100%. | ||
| You've got to listen to Conor McGregor's interview they did with MacLife. | ||
| He talked about weight cutting. | ||
| What did he say? | ||
| I missed that part, but he talked about how the weight cutting was an issue and how dangerous it is and it's not good. | ||
| It's fucking terrible. | ||
| He touches on that. | ||
| Yeah, Dustin Poirier talked about that too, and he said that he thinks everybody should go up one weight class. | ||
| But then, you know, what is happening with this 165-pound title? | ||
| Because they were going to have Nate Diaz fight Dustin. | ||
| Both those guys came out and said they're going to be fighting for the title. | ||
| They came up with that game plan, which I love. | ||
| They tried forcing the UFC's hand. | ||
| Did they? | ||
| Yeah, it was their idea, which is brilliant. | ||
| Did you talk to them? | ||
| That, come on. | ||
| I mean... | ||
| That's the plan. | ||
| And then the UFC's like, no, they're not. | ||
| Like, Dana goes, I don't know why they keep saying this stuff. | ||
| They signed a contract. | ||
| They're fine at 55. 65. No, they're not fine at 65. Really? | ||
| No. | ||
| They're not fine at 65. They made that up. | ||
| Nate Diaz and Dustin Poirier thought it'd be great to fight at 65 for a title. | ||
| Really? | ||
| That's not the UFC's idea. | ||
| So they just made that up? | ||
| So the UFC had to repost, like, no, it's 55. So it's like Dustin and Nate, hey, what's up? | ||
| What's up, dude? | ||
| Made a bet for a title. | ||
| Let's do this, man. | ||
| Let's say we're going to fight at 55. All right, fuck it. | ||
| You know I'm going to fuck you up. | ||
| I'll fuck you up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I thought it was brilliant. | ||
| And they tried forcing the UFC's hand, and then Dana had to come out and be like, no. | ||
| So people, and then when they told him it's not happening, you know, there's no belt. | ||
| There's no 65-pound belt. | ||
| Nate was like, oh, fuck it, I'm out. | ||
| What is this? | ||
| This is Nate saying, I'm happy to announce I'm bringing a new weight division. | ||
| Yeah, but what is that 165 pound belt super fighter division? | ||
| What does that mean? | ||
| It's just them trolling the UFC, which is hilarious. | ||
| And then Dustin goes, it's been a long journey, but here we are. | ||
| New York City, first ever 165 out of town title, UFC 165. I like how he hashtag Thug Jitsu. | ||
| Shout out to Eve Edwards. | ||
| It's hilarious. | ||
| But then you look at it, and Dana White... | ||
| There's absolutely no truth to it. | ||
| No. | ||
| It just doesn't make any sense. | ||
| But here's the thing. | ||
| If there was truth to it, maybe you could sell that title better, that card better, if that's the title file. | ||
| That's exactly what you should do! | ||
| They fucking teed it up for you! | ||
| What are you waiting for? | ||
| But have that as well as the main event. | ||
| If you get another main event. | ||
| Why not go, alright, fuck my ego. | ||
| Let's do it. | ||
| Nate, Dustin, 165, world title, new division. | ||
| Everyone's all crunk for it. | ||
| If Jon Jones or whoever we're trying to get else, it works, great. | ||
| That's going to hype this thing every more. | ||
| But a month out, do that! | ||
| I would love... | ||
| Dustin Poirier and Nate Diaz can headline this fucking Mass Square Garden card. | ||
| It's insane not to announce someone. | ||
| But I think they want something bigger. | ||
| I think they want Jon Jones. | ||
| But... | ||
| But at 165 title, why not just the appetizer? | ||
| That's a deep, heavy appetizer to sell tickets. | ||
| Here's the craziest of crazy questions. | ||
| Please. | ||
| Here's the craziest of crazy questions. | ||
| DC is supposed to be fighting Brock motherfucking Lesnar for the heavyweight title. | ||
| Next year. | ||
| But that's next year. | ||
| Jon Jones versus DC for the heavyweight title in Madison Square Garden. | ||
| It's not happening, but... | ||
| Why not? | ||
| Because DC said he can't. | ||
| They want him to fight. | ||
| Can't what? | ||
| Why can't he? | ||
| Because he wants to fight at light heavyweight. | ||
| Why? | ||
| John and I think Dana want him to fight at heavyweight, but he wants to do it at light heavyweight. | ||
| He doesn't want to do it at heavyweight. | ||
| He doesn't want to fight John at heavyweight. | ||
| Light heavyweight. | ||
| That's what he's been saying. | ||
| Listen, somebody needs to pull him aside, give him a fat bucket of Popeye's fried chicken, because that's his favorite. | ||
| By fat buck, you mean fat bucket of cash. | ||
| That's what I was going to say next. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| I was going to say a briefcase. | ||
| The slider. | ||
| Back up the brink trucks. | ||
| Leather briefcases that have those click-click things on it. | ||
| You lift it up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh! | |
| If I'm D.C., I'm not doing that. | ||
| I'm going, hold up. | ||
| I'm going to fight Brock in January or February. | ||
| I'm going to get paid. | ||
| I'm going to beat the shit out of Brock, right? | ||
| That's a big payday for me. | ||
| That's a big payday. | ||
| And then have John fight Kane. | ||
| Have John fight Stipe at heavyweight. | ||
| Let's see how he looks. | ||
| If he looks human, I'll fight that fool. | ||
| But if he looks like Uber Eam at heavyweight, I'll see you on the other side. | ||
| And I'm fucking retiring. | ||
| That is a fight, right? | ||
| Stipe versus John Jones at heavyweight in Madison Square Garden. | ||
| That would be a giant fight. | ||
| Huge fight. | ||
| That's a giant headliner. | ||
| That's a headline. | ||
| Fuck! | ||
| What? | ||
| That gets my dick hard now. | ||
| Here's one for you, though. | ||
| See, Conor vs. | ||
| Khabib could be the same biggest fight of all time in UFC history. | ||
| Pay-per-views, I don't think so. | ||
| But let's say DC would have beat Brock. | ||
| John beat Stipe. | ||
| John DC the trilogy at heavyweight for the world title. | ||
| You don't think that's bigger than this fight this weekend? | ||
| To me, it's bigger. | ||
| No, it's not bigger, because Conor McGregor's a bigger... | ||
| What is this? | ||
| We might see Daniel Cormier-John Jones trilogy at heavyweight. | ||
| Aha! | ||
| See what I'm saying? | ||
| See what I'm saying? | ||
| They're trying to force my boy DC into some shit he doesn't want to do, bro. | ||
| Stay strong, DC. No, no, no, no, no, no. | ||
| Take the fight. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Take the fight. | ||
| No, fight Brock. | ||
| Listen, John's been off a long time. | ||
| Do you remember when he came back against Owen St. Preux? | ||
| Wasn't the best fight. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| This might be the time. | ||
| What a great story for DC if he were to beat John and then ride off in the sunset. | ||
| Imagine that. | ||
| And then rides off in the sunset? | ||
| Not to play devil's advocate, what if he gets head kicked again at heavyweight, loses both belts, and everyone's like, well, there you go. | ||
| Well, look, John is, if not the best ever, he's one of the best ever. | ||
| I think he's the best ever. | ||
| With Mighty Mouse having lost, it's a real good argument. | ||
| I think in terms of the overall ability to get things done, you've got to look at what he's done. | ||
| He's never lost. | ||
| He only lost to Matt Hamill, and that was a bullshit loss. | ||
| Look at the guys he's fought, too. | ||
| Fought murders. | ||
| And the way he beat them, too. | ||
| Killers. | ||
| Remember when he choked Liotta out and just dropped him? | ||
| Vicious. | ||
| Just fell in a clump. | ||
| And then what he did to fucking Vitor Belfort, he submitted Vitor, was like, you're a black belt, very cool. | ||
| After he got his arm broken, Conor McGregor not keen on facing GSP next, but interested in Anderson Silva. | ||
| Get that shit out of my face, Conor. | ||
| What? | ||
| Why would he not be interested in facing GSP, but he's interested in facing Anderson? | ||
| Anderson is a 185 pounder. | ||
| We'll see what happens next, but I don't think GSP is next. | ||
| He doesn't have anything for me personally. | ||
| I'm not going to shut the door on that down the line. | ||
| You know what would be another great one? | ||
| Anderson Silva. | ||
| I think he thinks Anderson is slowed way down. | ||
| George is not slowed down yet. | ||
| George at 55 vs Conor is an amazing fight. | ||
| Well, at 70, it's an amazing fight too. | ||
| They're not fighting at 70. No? | ||
| Nope. | ||
| No way? | ||
| Nope. | ||
| Not happening. | ||
| What makes you say that? | ||
| What makes you say that? | ||
| You've seen George? | ||
| He looks pretty svelte. | ||
| Well, I saw one picture of him when he was in the sauna when people say he's making a test cut to 55. Ask your boy for us. | ||
| I can ask George. | ||
| Ask George. | ||
| Call him up right now. | ||
| Call him up. | ||
| Here's my phone. | ||
| You think he's going to give us a real answer on air? | ||
| I've never called anybody. | ||
| Me neither. | ||
| Sometimes Brian does this, it's a nightmare. | ||
| It's probably rude, right? | ||
| Yeah, they're like, what? | ||
| You're on air. | ||
| Hey, it's Rogan and Chubb. | ||
| Is there any way you're going to fight? | ||
| And they're like, dude, come on. | ||
| See, the problem with that is he's leaning in, and that image of him at 170 is in the middle of a fight, so he's all pumped up with muscle. | ||
| His muscles are inflated. | ||
| You know, he might actually be trying to make 55. He does look very slim there. | ||
| This is what I've heard through the grapevine. | ||
| GSP wants to fight, and the fight he wants is at 55, but it's only if Conor wins. | ||
| Really? | ||
| He doesn't think beating Khabib would be like a legacy fight for him. | ||
| Well, I'll tell you what, in terms of pay-per-view, that would be a giant fight. | ||
| Connor GSP? Yes. | ||
| Especially after GSP. Big boy. | ||
| Beat Bisping, got 800,000 pay-per-view buys after two, how many years out of the game? | ||
| Four? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Four. | |
| Four years out of the game? | ||
| Four-year layoff. | ||
| Four-year layoff, comes back, and I'll tell you what, man, when he did my podcast, he's super lucid. | ||
| He's there, 100%. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| All that rest did him good. | ||
| Brilliant guy. | ||
| That rest did him good. | ||
| Smart, smart guy. | ||
| That's a fight. | ||
| That would be a giant fight. | ||
| That's a giant fight. | ||
| And he'd probably be vulnerable at 55. Yeah. | ||
| It's a good fight for Conor. | ||
| Good fight for George, too. | ||
| Do you think he'd be faster? | ||
| I mean, would he necessarily be faster at 55? | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| I think he'd be so diminished. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think he'd be solid. | ||
| Obviously, his technique's still there, but I think at 70, that's George all day. | ||
| 85, not so much. | ||
| That boy looked... | ||
| Thick. | ||
| Yeah, but he said he had a real hard time keeping that weight on. | ||
| It fucked up his intestines. | ||
| Yeah, whatever it was. | ||
| Fucked up his digestive system. | ||
| Boy, it was thick. | ||
| He said he was eating all day, trying to keep the mass on. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That was a rough one. | ||
| Yeah, he's got some sort of a stomach issue now. | ||
| Colitis? | ||
| Yeah, that's right. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And he said he got it from just eating like a fucking pig while he was training. | ||
| He was always almost throwing up. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, not good. | ||
| What else is on this card this weekend? | ||
| Other than that, man. | ||
| What do we got? | ||
| Michelle Waterson, Felice Herrick. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's a good fight. | |
| That's a fun fight. | ||
| Yeah, Little Pettis fighting Juicy A. Formiga. | ||
| Formiga. | ||
| In the boxing world, you got Deontay Wilder, Tyson Fury fight, man. | ||
| I'm doing the press conference. | ||
| Wednesday. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know. | |
| That's an interesting fight. | ||
| Did you hear what Teddy Atlas said about Deontay Wilder? | ||
| Just how hard he can hit? | ||
| He called him Thor. | ||
| He's got that hammer. | ||
| He's like Thor. | ||
| How great is Teddy Atlas? | ||
| He's great! | ||
| That was a fun interview. | ||
| I didn't get to the very end, but he mentioned something of it where he was saying how he thinks it's an issue. | ||
| And I never really thought about it until you brought it up. | ||
| I've never thought about it. | ||
| When boxing became a little corrupt and got a little weird for him is when the fighters started to have their own promotions in with the boxing world, right? | ||
| Like the promoters and the fighters working together. | ||
| And now we're starting to see this now with the UFC. We're going down the same road with McGregor promotions in the UFC. Now they're in cahoots, right? | ||
| But he's also talking about how the promoters will take out the judges to dinner, you know, and it's like that's a total conflict of interest. | ||
| Even if you're not paying them, they're eating at the nicest places, drinking the nicest wine. | ||
| That's so sketchy, man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So sketchy. | ||
| It's legal in some sort of strange loophole-y way. | ||
| It's very strange. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| What else is coming up down in the future? | ||
| What else is going on? | ||
| Like, what's another big fight? | ||
| The December card, you got Cyborg Nunez happening. | ||
| Now the December card in Toronto? | ||
| No, the December card in Toronto is Brian Ortega Holloway. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So there's another December card? | ||
| The New Year's card, you know when they do it right before New Year's? | ||
| Oh, so there's two pay-per-views? | ||
| Pretty sure. | ||
| Because the place that Valentina Shevchenko versus Sajara Eubanks, what? | ||
| They just bumped it up. | ||
| For the vacant flyweight title, we're headlined UFC 230. I thought, Ioana. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Is this just coming out today? | ||
| I was about to show you a tweet that said that they were talking about moving it up and it was in flux and then I went to look for it. | ||
| Oh wait, that's going to headline Mass Square Garden? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| I've lost all energy in my body. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Oh yeah, because that gets my dick harder than Dustin Poirier vs Nate Diaz for a 165 pound title. | ||
| No offense, but I don't even know who Sajara Eubanks is. | ||
| And I'm the commentator for the UFC. I've never heard of her. | ||
| And I'm not being a dick either. | ||
| I'm just saying as far as headline Mass Square Garden, you got some nerve whoever put this together. | ||
| Let's see a video on this young lady. | ||
| I'm sure she's an absolute monster. | ||
| And good for her. | ||
| I'm sure she is. | ||
| Congrats. | ||
| She looks scary. | ||
| How many fights does she have? | ||
|
unidentified
|
She's one in the UFC. She's one fight. | |
| One fight in the UFC. She's four and two. | ||
| Four and two. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| And what happened with Ioana? | ||
| She must have got injured or some shit. | ||
| Yeah, I don't know. | ||
| The previous tweet was this. | ||
| Well, this is Brett Okamoto. | ||
| He's a reliable source. | ||
| Remember, ESPN's in cahoots with the UFC now. | ||
| Supposed to face Ioana, but that may change too if the switch happens. | ||
| Okay, per sources, they've discussed moving Valentina Shevchenko. | ||
| Is this the previous tweet? | ||
| Yeah, this was the previous one. | ||
| And then he made another one saying that it's locked in. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
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|
Fucking Britney Spears. | |
| Who's the dude? | ||
| What's that guy's name? | ||
| Christopher Castano. | ||
| Chris underscore Castano. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| He put that Britney Spears... | ||
| What? | ||
| That is fucking hilarious. | ||
| These poor girls, it sucks for them, but the magnitude of Matt's Square Garden, you're thinking it's going to be... | ||
| I was thinking Jones, fucking Cain Velasquez, Stipe Jones, DC Les... | ||
| Something that would just blow my hair back. | ||
| They're like, hold up. | ||
| Valentina against a girl who was 4-2 with one fight in the UFC for the flyweight title. | ||
| Nico Montano, they stripped her because she didn't make weight for one fight. | ||
| What? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| Those are your friends, Joe. | ||
| Hey! | ||
| Just kidding. | ||
| Listen, man, I don't want to be a promoter. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck that. | |
| You just keep doing your thing. | ||
| Fuck that job. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| You'll be working that one, though. | ||
| I was going to say, we could have done a companion, just frickin' went ham. | ||
| I know, we could have. | ||
| Damn it. | ||
| When are we going to do a companion again? | ||
| Dude, when is everyone together? | ||
| When are you not working? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| When am I not working? | ||
| Well, I'm chilling out for a while now. | ||
| That show that I did in Toronto on Saturday night was my last big show for a long time. | ||
| How long are you going to chill? | ||
| Quite a while. | ||
| Because you've got to get another hour. | ||
| Yeah, I'm at like 25 minutes, 24 minutes. | ||
| You're still going to be doing sets? | ||
| It might be nice to take a little break, though. | ||
| I'm taking this week off. | ||
| Just the week off? | ||
| Yeah, just relaxing and going to the UFC this weekend. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Hanging with the family. | ||
| Yeah, I'm just looking forward to just... | ||
| I did it. | ||
| It's out. | ||
| Now I'm going to chill. | ||
| And then I need to... | ||
| We need to wait until October's over so I can do some mushrooms. | ||
| I need to get some new material. | ||
| Oh yeah, you're in sober. | ||
| Sober October. | ||
| Sober October. | ||
| Are you going to do Sober October? | ||
| I don't drink or smoke really. | ||
| I have nothing to be sober of. | ||
| So just say you're doing it. | ||
| I mean, yeah, I do it year-round, but sure. | ||
| Want to get involved in the fitness challenge? | ||
| Yeah, that's easy. | ||
| Let's do that. | ||
| I got an extra one of these things. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Alright, let's do it. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| I just work out with you guys. | ||
| Look at that, you're in. | ||
| Alright, I'm in. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Easy, easy. | |
| What is it? | ||
| What do I got to wear? | ||
| This thing right here. | ||
| Can I turn it into a headband? | ||
| No, you put it around your waist. | ||
| Oh, sick. | ||
| Around your chest. | ||
| And then I download the app? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Alright, I'm in. | ||
| I'll get you one of those. | ||
| I ordered an extra one. | ||
| Fuck yeah. | ||
| Thanks, dude. | ||
| Alright. | ||
| I'm in, dude. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But it's not much for me, though, because I don't really drink or smoke or anything. | ||
| Like, Stanhope's the big one, yeah? | ||
| He's got to go to a doctor. | ||
| Stanhope is getting measured. | ||
| He's getting his blood work done, and the doctor's going to go, you should be dead. | ||
| I met him for the first time at the Comedy Store. | ||
| Super nice guy. | ||
| Oh, he's the best. | ||
| I've also heard about him forever. | ||
| He's a really nice guy to me. | ||
| He's a sweetheart. | ||
| I just think guys are going to be mean to me for whatever reason. | ||
| It's my own complex, but he's super nice to me. | ||
| You think they're going to be mean to you? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, because a few of them have been. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Some have. | ||
| Well, the people, they think you're infringing on their turf, you know? | ||
| I get it. | ||
| It's stupid. | ||
| I 100% get it. | ||
| Comedy is everybody's turf. | ||
| If you can do it, you can do it. | ||
| As long as you don't steal, it's everybody's turf. | ||
| As long as the crowd's laughing, you don't steal. | ||
| Yeah, the crowd's not laughing. | ||
| Yeah, I don't belong to be there, but... | ||
| Don't steal and, you know, come up with your own shit and be nice to people and everyone should let you in. | ||
| We're all freaks and misfits. | ||
| The idea that one type of freak and misfit is okay but another type isn't. | ||
| You know, I had to deal with that especially early on. | ||
| Were you self-conscious early on? | ||
| Because you're a bigger dude and you have tattoos. | ||
| Were you self-conscious of it? | ||
| Yeah, that's why to this day I always go on stage with long-sleeved shirts. | ||
| One of the things that people said about strange times, like, why don't you wear fucking shirts that fit you? | ||
| Because I don't feel good in shirts that fit me. | ||
| I mean, I don't mind wearing a shirt that fits me to the movies or to a restaurant or something like that. | ||
| But on stage, you're self-conscious about it? | ||
| I like loose things that don't show muscle. | ||
| I don't want anybody looking at my body. | ||
| Yeah, I hear you. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Yeah, like you gotta... | ||
| You couldn't go on stage with a fucking tank top on. | ||
| People are like, fuck this guy. | ||
| Any skinny jeans on? | ||
|
unidentified
|
You don't fuck this guy. | |
| Exactly. | ||
| Fuck this guy. | ||
| It's not funny, man. | ||
| But Theo goes on stage with a tank top, and it's all good. | ||
| I know. | ||
| Brian can. | ||
| Chris can. | ||
| Yeah, it's no problem. | ||
| Don't tell Brian he can. | ||
| Brian will get upset. | ||
| Come on, guys. | ||
| Guys think I'm ripped. | ||
| No, come on. | ||
| Too a lot of body weight. | ||
| Work. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You know when I found a legit massage lady... | ||
| Oh my god, this lady tortured me the other day. | ||
| Do I know her? | ||
| No. | ||
| She is a trigger point specialist, and she's a strong lady. | ||
| And she gets that fucking elbow in your back. | ||
| Is she a big girl? | ||
| Yeah, she's a big lady. | ||
| That's how you know it's good. | ||
| She's fucking strong. | ||
| Does she breathe hard? | ||
| Yeah, she broke me. | ||
| That distracts me, but it's good for you. | ||
| Dude, my whole back to this day is still sore. | ||
| It was two days ago I got the massage and the areas where she broke down are sore. | ||
| Like she fucked me up. | ||
| Like she beat my ass. | ||
| I could use that. | ||
| Was it an hour long though? | ||
| She did 90 minutes. | ||
| Was she dripping wet with sweat? | ||
| Sweating like a pig. | ||
| It's like pros and cons, right? | ||
| It's like you either get the big girl who sweats and takes up all the oxygen in the room or you get the soft Asian girl and it's not a good massage. | ||
| No, I don't want that. | ||
| I want to get hurt. | ||
| Yeah, me too. | ||
| Because she loosened up a lot of shit that was bothering the fuck out of me. | ||
| I realized the importance of that, and I haven't been doing it. | ||
| I'll tell you what, when I do yoga regularly, I don't need as much massage, but I think even then, you need it. | ||
| You need all the kinks to be worked out, broken down. | ||
| Yeah, I love massages, man. | ||
| You know the Russian Olympic team? | ||
| I was reading something about Russian athletes. | ||
| They would get massages every day. | ||
| On tons of steroids, but yeah, sure. | ||
| Yeah, a little bit of steroids. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, a little bit of that, a little bit of that. | |
| It makes sense. | ||
| Did you ever have that guy Brian Fogle on your podcast? | ||
| Brian Fogel. | ||
| He's the guy that directed Icarus? | ||
| No, I didn't. | ||
| Did you see Icarus? | ||
| I saw Icarus. | ||
| Ridiculous. | ||
| You should have him on. | ||
| He's amazing. | ||
| Here's my thing, Joe. | ||
| When you had Teddy Atlas on, for him to come on in three hours, you have Brian Fogel or whoever. | ||
| When they do three hours on this, there's not much more I can cover. | ||
| Sure, I'll throw in some dick jokes or something. | ||
| I'm talking about dicks and fashion. | ||
| But once they go here, I don't want to... | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, no. | |
| They're conversations. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They're conversations, but you covered it for three hours. | |
| Yeah, but believe me, you're going to cover it in a different way. | ||
| It's always how it is. | ||
| You're going to have your own take on things, especially as a guy who's actually fought professionally and actually played football. | ||
| My only thing is, it's my own thing. | ||
| If I hear it on your show for three hours, I don't want to go over it on my show. | ||
| I'm like, I know this guy. | ||
| It's not a mystery anymore. | ||
| I see what you're saying. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| I see what you're saying, but I don't think... | ||
| I don't think that way. | ||
| When I heard Jocko on Tim Ferriss, I didn't say, oh, I don't want to have that guy on, because Tim Ferriss covered it thoroughly, which he did. | ||
| Different. | ||
| Yeah, different. | ||
| I hear you, though. | ||
| I hear you. | ||
| Like with Justin Renn. | ||
| He's like, dude, coming to town, doing Rogan. | ||
| I'll do yours after. | ||
| I'm like... | ||
| If you're talking about kids and water in Africa for three hours in Rogan, you really don't need to do mine, bro. | ||
| He's bringing Rafael Lovato in as well, too. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But again, you guys got this. | |
| We're contributing to his fight for the forgotten. | ||
| We're donating money, and we're also a part of the Cash App. | ||
| Donates $5 every time someone signs up for the Cash App. | ||
| You use the promo code Joe Rogan, all one word, and the Cash App sends you five bucks, and the Cash App sends Justin Wren's Fight for the Forgotten five bucks. | ||
| Yeah, they've raised thousands of dollars just doing that. | ||
| And building wells? | ||
| They've built two wells already. | ||
| They're in the process of building more. | ||
| You guys are doing... | ||
| Are you guys going to do a benefit? | ||
| A comedy benefit? | ||
| I would do anything. | ||
| I'll help out however I can. | ||
| But he doesn't need to come on my show to do it. | ||
| If he's going to go in here for three hours, I'll do whatever you want. | ||
| Well, it's the same like... | ||
| Make sure I don't forget his name. | ||
| It's the same like... | ||
| I was on the plane the other day, man. | ||
| And this... | ||
| I don't want to mess up his name and be a dickhead. | ||
| Oh, Ray Borg. | ||
| Have you seen Ray Borg and his son? | ||
| No. | ||
| His son was sick, right? | ||
| His baby's having these surgeries. | ||
| And I saw someone post a shirt that Ray Borg... | ||
| Go to Ray Borg's Instagram or Twitter. | ||
| He posts a shirt. | ||
| He goes, all these proceeds from this shirt go to help me pay for my child's medical bill. | ||
| And so someone goes, Shob, look into this. | ||
| And so I click on it. | ||
| And I see, you know, I have a two and a half year old son. | ||
| I see his son on the, like the freaking respirator. | ||
| Broke my heart, man. | ||
| So I DM'd him. | ||
| And Ray, I'm sure a bunch of people hit you up, man. | ||
| There it is. | ||
| I DM'd Ray because we need help with the medical bills. | ||
| I will pay for your medical bills, Ray. | ||
| I will cover it, man. | ||
| So when I say here, I get emotional because I see his son. | ||
| When I say I'll help you, Ray, I'm dead serious, man. | ||
| I'm not one of these guys who just, I don't need the publicity. | ||
| I don't need any of that. | ||
| I sent you my, I DM'd you my number. | ||
| I will cover the medical bills, man. | ||
| I got you, brother. | ||
| I got you, man. | ||
| Hit me up. | ||
| It's not a game. | ||
| It's no publicity. | ||
| I will take care of you and your family. | ||
| That's it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa, look at you. | |
| You got all emotional. | ||
| Dude, when I see this kid on there, man, fucking... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look at you. | |
| I never see you broken up like this before. | ||
| I know. | ||
| This took me by surprise. | ||
| Sorry, dude. | ||
| I'm good now. | ||
| Do you know Ray? | ||
| I don't know him at all. | ||
| Never met him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Never met him. | ||
| So, how much money does he need to raise? | ||
| I don't know, but I'm fucking rich. | ||
| I'm doing a show in Utah. | ||
| Donate all the money I make for my six shows in Utah does medical bills. | ||
| Beautiful. | ||
| That's beautiful, man. | ||
| Wise Guys, St. Louis, October, I think 10th through the 12th. | ||
| I'm doing four, I think it's six shows. | ||
| I'll take all that money and you can have it, Ray. | ||
| That's beautiful. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's a beautiful place, too. | ||
| Great place, man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Love Utah. | ||
| Does he not have medical insurance? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't think it covers it. | ||
| He's a broke fighter. | ||
| He's a broke fighter, man. | ||
| Dude, I'm so fortunate. | ||
| Me finding stand-up, and I got so much cool stuff in the works, and this Bravo show. | ||
| I'm like, dude, you just can't take, take, take. | ||
| I give to my family and all that. | ||
| I'm like, we have to figure something out here. | ||
| So when I saw that, I'm like, what the fuck, man? | ||
| That's awesome, man. | ||
| I love that. | ||
| I love that about you. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Look at you. | ||
| I know. | ||
| I didn't mean to talk about it. | ||
| We got brought up on that. | ||
| But I reached out to him, and I think he thought, like, oh, I'm sure. | ||
| I'm not going to donate, like, $100 or something, man. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Well, maybe he just was overwhelmed, you know? | ||
| That's what I'm thinking. | ||
| That's why I'm sure he listens to the show. | ||
| I know he listens to Fire and the Kid. | ||
| I just thought of it now. | ||
| Well, imagine the amount of time that it must be taking up to not just train, but also to deal with his son and his son's medical issues and the family and the bills and all the other stuff. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| My son stubs his toe and my heart drops, man. | ||
| Yeah, it's hard, man. | ||
| Falls on the ground like, what the Isn't it crazy? | ||
| Did you ever feel so vulnerable in your life? | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| I'm terrified of the world now. | ||
| Terrified. | ||
| I'll be driving my car. | ||
| I'm like, gotta slow down, man. | ||
| Do you think of people different now that you have a kid? | ||
|
unidentified
|
100%. | |
| I'm way more, I'm way more like, I'm more scared of the world. | ||
| I feel like I'm more loving now. | ||
| I also, if I have friends who are shitty dads, I barely hang out with them anymore. | ||
| I hold resent against them. | ||
| Because I'm like, dude, that little dude needs you so bad, man. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Now I feel the same way. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, the thing is, like, I feel sad for people who don't make the transition. | ||
| You know, there's a transition to being a father that some people resist. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Where it becomes a primary focus of your life. | ||
| It becomes a big, big, big deal. | ||
| But if you make that transition, the love that comes out of that, and the change that it brings about in you, and the benefits for your child, they're so substantial. | ||
| Oh, I mean, and it's so cliché. | ||
| Oh, it's the best thing I've ever done. | ||
| Straight up, man. | ||
| I've had a cool fucking life. | ||
| It is by far the best thing I've ever done. | ||
| I want a squad. | ||
| I want, because the love I get from that little dude, I'm like, three of you would be even cooler. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Are you going to have more? | ||
| Oh, 100%. | ||
| You're working on it right now? | ||
| Yep. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| Shooting live ones. | ||
| Trying, man. | ||
| Trying. | ||
| It's fucking, yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't know if this thing's working, but whatever. | ||
| You got a fucking tail. | ||
| A tail. | ||
| Yeah, they say take zinc. | ||
| Take zinc and magnesium. | ||
| Now I'm taking all these weird pills. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Get that. | ||
| To get the loads. | ||
| Get that cum going. | ||
| You got to save your loads, too. | ||
| I know. | ||
| Save your loads until the big day. | ||
| Yeah, I went to a fertility clinic and they were all, when's the last time you jacked off? | ||
| Like right in front of my girl. | ||
| Yeah, I'm like, damn, bro. | ||
| You're like, I don't. | ||
| Damn, dude. | ||
| Never. | ||
| I forget. | ||
| Never. | ||
| I don't even do it. | ||
| I don't need to. | ||
| Look at me, bro. | ||
| Dude, I had to go give them a sample. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| Just to see how my guys are swimming. | ||
| Did you try to fill the cup? | ||
| Well, first of all, it wasn't very professional at all. | ||
| They're like, just go down there. | ||
| Was your girl with you when you had to give them a sample? | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| Did you tell her to help you? | ||
| She was busy talking to the guy in there. | ||
| She was talking to the doctor. | ||
| He's like, he'll just take you to the back. | ||
| I'm like, all right. | ||
| What? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So you had to jerk off knowing your girl's in the other room? | ||
| Dude, so I walk into this room. | ||
| It's this Mexican dude just like, hey man, just go in there. | ||
| Don't touch anything. | ||
| Just fill up the thing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh my god. | |
| And he goes, oh yeah, the porn's on here. | ||
| It's like the old school TV, VCR, like old school. | ||
| I'm like, dude, I don't need any of this. | ||
| I have a fucking cell phone. | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| I've heard of Pornhub, you fucking old dinosaur. | ||
| Get the fuck out of here. | ||
| He goes, we have magazines down there. | ||
| What are you, from the 70s? | ||
| What kind of bacteria is going to be on those sheets of paper? | ||
| Oh, I know. | ||
| Get the fuck out of here. | ||
| Other dudes' loads and lube. | ||
| I'll take it from here. | ||
| How sterile. | ||
| I would have been super shady. | ||
| I would have told my wife, you're coming with me. | ||
| Dude, I felt like it was embarrassing, too. | ||
| Like, I hand him the thing in a bag and he just looks at it, takes it out. | ||
| Look at your loads. | ||
| Oh, dude. | ||
| I felt sick. | ||
| What if he opened it up and smelled it? | ||
| Nah, you're good, man. | ||
| Eat a lot of asparagus, bro. | ||
| And then when you're walking back, just everyone knows that you're coming back. | ||
| You just get done jacking up. | ||
| You should walk up with your arms up in the air like you scored the winning touchdown. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes! | |
| Yes! | ||
| Enjoy that. | ||
| Fuck! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes! | |
| But what happened? | ||
| This is my thing. | ||
| And I went kind of down to Eddie Bravo conspiracy. | ||
| I'm like, what if you're like, damn, your sperm's not good, dude. | ||
| We're going to need more loads. | ||
| And they take your sperm. | ||
| They take that. | ||
| They're like, he's a big dude. | ||
| We're going to use his genetics. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And they sell that shit black market. | ||
| There's a bunch of little browns running around. | ||
| You know what has happened many times, more than once, is these doctors at fertility clinics swap out other people's cum for their own, and they have a bunch of their own babies running around. | ||
| Like, these people have wanted specific genetics, and this one red-headed doctor just shoot loads of the cups. | ||
| And then everybody's like, hey, why does my fucking kid have red hair? | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| Why is he a redhead and nerdy, man? | ||
| One doctor got arrested. | ||
| I think he fathered like a hundred children. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Yeah, something crazy. | ||
| Crazy person. | ||
| Or awesome. | ||
| Give it back to the world. | ||
| I think he's just a crazy person. | ||
| Spread his seed. | ||
| Yeah, he was running a sperm bank or a fertility clinic, one of those. | ||
| And he just decided, no, it's going to be all me. | ||
| All my loads out there. | ||
| Dude, don't you think for like a retirement plan for these athletes? | ||
| Is this the dude? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| What is that image? | ||
| That's him. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Okay, he looks like shit. | ||
| There's a bunch of these... | ||
| 52 counts. | ||
| There's a bunch of these guys. | ||
| It's not just one. | ||
| This was 1992. 92? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, no, I'm talking about, like, real recent. | ||
| Dude, he got 280 years in prison. | ||
| Oh, yeah, shit. | ||
| He got in prison for that? | ||
| 280 years, son. | ||
| 280 years for jerking off. | ||
| Who could be sentenced. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Dude, don't you think if you're a retired fighter, let's say, or athlete just in general, like Kershaw Walker, someone paid him a million dollars for him to blow a load into a cup. | ||
| Did you ever watch the HBO expose on Bikram from the Bikram Yoga? | ||
| Oh yeah, he was fucking there, buddy. | ||
| Here he is, Indiana fertility doctor used his own sperm. | ||
| This is 2016. Around 50 times, papers say. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| This is a recent guy. | ||
| I think there's been a bunch of these guys throughout history. | ||
| I think they should test every one of those guys. | ||
| They should make sure that they're not doing that. | ||
| Anybody running a fertility clinic, I think it's just like you get bored over and over again. | ||
| Guys are jacking off into cups and you're like, you know what would make my day exciting? | ||
| If I take out this load and put it in my load. | ||
| British man, 600 children. | ||
| There you go. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Fathered 600 children at own fertility clinic. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Repeatedly using his own sperm fertility clinic he ran. | ||
| That's some sketchy shit, man. | ||
| See? | ||
| I'm telling you, this is a normal thing. | ||
| Guys are gross. | ||
| Guys are gross. | ||
| Men are gross. | ||
| Have a woman run that thing. | ||
| Women who are anti-men, listen, I swear to God, we're not all like this, but I get it. | ||
| I get it, too. | ||
| I really do get it. | ||
| I talked about it in my special. | ||
| There's some creeps. | ||
| I mean, I talked about it in this last special. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| If I was a woman, I'd be a feminist. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| We're fucking gross. | ||
| But not all of us. | ||
| Not all of us. | ||
| I would never jerk off into 600 cups and pretend it was someone else's lowest. | ||
| That would never even cross my mind. | ||
| That's not me. | ||
| But I know that there's guys like that out there. | ||
| That does not surprise me in the slightest. | ||
| But if he's some fucking fat, gross guy with a little tiny dick and some woman with this banging ass and little tiny waist and big old titties comes in and she's like, you know, we're just trying to get pregnant. | ||
| We're really struggling. | ||
| So we decided to go the sperm donor route. | ||
| Like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| We got a super athlete and he's a genius. | ||
| Another guy. | ||
| He's a genius. | ||
| Doctor uses his own sperm to father of 11 kids. | ||
| Look at this guy. | ||
| Old ass. | ||
| Look how old he is. | ||
| God dog. | ||
| He's got a broom on his head. | ||
| That might actually be his real hair. | ||
| Fuck, no. | ||
| Let me see another image. | ||
| That's the worst wig I've ever seen. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Let me see that. | |
| No, that's his hair, man. | ||
| No, I don't think so, bro. | ||
| Back it up. | ||
| Back it up. | ||
| Pause. | ||
| Go full screen. | ||
| No, you can get wigs like that. | ||
| That's his hair, bro. | ||
| I don't think so, dude. | ||
| That is a wig. | ||
| You can get wigs like that, dude. | ||
| Bro, that's his hair. | ||
| You crazy. | ||
| He's just got whack hair. | ||
| Why would you get a wig and get it all gray and fucked up like that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Because you're 90. At least you're 90. Like, why do you want a wig? | |
| Wouldn't you just want your head to be free? | ||
| He's trying to fuck bitches, bro. | ||
| He obviously has a problem. | ||
| I see dudes with fucked up hair, and I just want to go up to them and go, listen to me, man. | ||
| There's so much freedom in shaving your head. | ||
| Just look at me. | ||
| I've never been happier. | ||
| Shave your head. | ||
| It's easy for you. | ||
| If I had hair, I'd shave it. | ||
| If I had hair, I'd shave. | ||
| No, if you had the set of hair like you did in your 20s, you would not shave. | ||
| Yes, I'd fucking shave. | ||
| Bro, come on. | ||
|
unidentified
|
100%. | |
| I would absolutely get a crew cut. | ||
| I'd get it buzzed down. | ||
| You'd have a shaved head? | ||
| Nubs. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You had some nice hair, man. | ||
| There's some good pics. | ||
| Barely. | ||
| It's an illusion. | ||
| My hair was going quick. | ||
| Was it? | ||
| I've always had thin hair. | ||
| Fine. | ||
| It's very fine. | ||
| They're not thick hairs. | ||
| You know, but I swear, even if I, I shaved my head, the first time I shaved my head back when I was fighting, I was like, so stupid. | ||
| I didn't want anybody to grab my hair. | ||
| That was my thought. | ||
| If you shave your head, someone can't grab your hair. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So stupid. | ||
| But I was like 17 or 18. But I remember thinking like, God, this is so freeing. | ||
| It is nice. | ||
| Like, yeah, you don't think about it. | ||
| You just wash and then go. | ||
| Go. | ||
| There's no nothing, but you got a stylish coif. | ||
| You got a little shave on the side. | ||
| Well, when I was fighting, I didn't. | ||
| When I was fighting, I shaved it, because I remember I was getting ready for a jiu-jitsu tournament, and I was fixing my hair in the mirror, and I was like, what the fuck, man? | ||
| How's this going to help? | ||
| Then I shaved it the next night. | ||
| That's a good move. | ||
| And I did that for my entire career until I retired, and I'm like, it's time to get my sexy on. | ||
| I grew this shit out. | ||
| You don't want to have cauliflower ears and a shaved head. | ||
| Bravo's not hiring that guy. | ||
| Bro, relax. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Relax. | |
| So Bravo hired you, and are you liking it over there? | ||
| I do like it. | ||
| What is that like, working for Bravo? | ||
| I know. | ||
| I thought you were going to make fun of me when... | ||
| So Jerry O'Connell, who's on the show with me, he came, he saw one of my sets, came in the back, and you and Brian were back, and I was like, I'm about to get roasted by Rogan and fucking Callan. | ||
| You guys are so nice about it. | ||
| Why would I make fun of it? | ||
| I thought it's a good gig. | ||
| It's a great gig. | ||
| It's perfect for your personality to just make fun of shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Originally, I didn't think it was a good gig. | ||
| One of the producers who does Below the Belt on Showtime, Michael Davies at MC Rowe, I was talking with him. | ||
| He goes, we're doing this Bravo show with Andy Cohen. | ||
| And he goes, you watch Bravo? | ||
| I go, all the time. | ||
| He goes, no, you don't. | ||
| Literally all the time. | ||
| Give me a question. | ||
| Name a show. | ||
| And he's like, you really do? | ||
| He goes, dude, we're putting the show together. | ||
| You should audition for it. | ||
| And I was like, I felt weird about it. | ||
| I talked to my agent. | ||
| I'm like, I don't know if that's for me, man. | ||
| He goes, just audition, see what happens. | ||
| But then I went in there and did a chemistry test with Jerry O'Connell. | ||
| He's hilarious. | ||
| Oh, Jerry O'Connell. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| He came backstage. | ||
| See, I didn't put the two together. | ||
| I didn't realize that he was backstage because he was doing that thing. | ||
| He's a very nice guy. | ||
| He's nice and he's funny as hell. | ||
| And I thought, all right, this won't be too bad. | ||
| I know my Real Housewives, but I was like... | ||
| How many of those shows do you watch? | ||
| I watch Real Housewives of Orange County, Married in Medicine, Atlanta, New York, Below Deck. | ||
| My wife, she's been DVR and Keeping Up with the Kardashians. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| And it was on, you know, when you turn on the TV, it's already recording, so it's playing. | ||
| So I sat there, and as the show was on, my jaw got more and more slack, like this, like... | ||
| Yeah, it's pretty crazy. | ||
| My eyelids got heavy, and I just got... | ||
| All of a sudden you had a fake ass. | ||
| It droned me in. | ||
| It made me dumber and dumber. | ||
| My brain started drying out. | ||
| I changed it quickly. | ||
| I gotta run. | ||
| I had to put on Neil deGrasse Tyson's show. | ||
| Quick! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Quick! | |
| Put on Cosmos. | ||
| I think I like it for me because fighting, what I do when I cover fighting, when I was fighting, it's so serious, man. | ||
| That's how I got into that stuff. | ||
| I was like, dude, I just got done. | ||
| Sparring Shane Carlin. | ||
| Let me go home and eat a bag of Twizzlers and watch Real Housewives of Orange County. | ||
| Watch some silliness. | ||
| And then at frickin', here we are. | ||
| Sometimes it's fun when those bitches go off on each other. | ||
| They're so mean. | ||
| And you know, the thing is, like, when you get them on camera, and then they know they're on camera, so they try to be extra mean on camera. | ||
| Oh, dude. | ||
| Yeah, they know exactly what they're doing. | ||
| Hey, I'm just keeping it real. | ||
| I'm just being real, bitch. | ||
| You're being real. | ||
| You're being real cunty. | ||
| I know. | ||
| It's cool seeing Jerry O'Connor, who's been in the industry forever, but then Andy Cohen, who's a producer on it, and then we had Kelly Rip on the show. | ||
| He's just around these entertainment monsters. | ||
| I like to see the way they work. | ||
| They're there for a reason. | ||
| You see Kelly Rip and how fast she is and how professional she is. | ||
| She's a monster. | ||
| Or Andy Cohen who puts all this together. | ||
| He's a monster. | ||
| Is she still doing that show with Michael Strahan? | ||
| She does it now with Ryan Seacrest. | ||
| The same show? | ||
| Same show. | ||
| It's called Kelly and Rhino. | ||
| So Strahan retired? | ||
| He went to Good Morning America. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| And there was like a little bit of beef. | ||
| I don't know exactly what happened. | ||
| With her and him? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| She was like, I can't believe you're leaving. | ||
| And there's some weird beef, I guess. | ||
| I wonder if he gave her the beef. | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| He might have, though. | ||
| I bet he has a tomahawk. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Big fella. | |
| Yeah, big old fella. | ||
| Great football player, too. | ||
| Seems like a real friendly guy. | ||
| A little too friendly ass, maybe. | ||
| A little too good on the mic. | ||
| Very charismatic. | ||
| Dude, he's amazing. | ||
| And made no attempt to fix that gap in his teeth. | ||
| Zero. | ||
| Kind of like that. | ||
| Me too. | ||
| I saw Matt Runyon one time. | ||
| He zoomed up. | ||
| He's fast as shit. | ||
| He's one of the greatest players of all time. | ||
| So fast up. | ||
| Yeah, he's a super athlete. | ||
| You know what's amazing? | ||
| That a guy that's been playing that much football has knees. | ||
| Like, how's his knees still work? | ||
| I agree. | ||
| It's very strange. | ||
| What's going on there? | ||
| I'd like to get an MRI. Maybe he got injected with some frickin' stem cells and all that. | ||
| Same thing. | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| Dude, they fixed me the fuck up, man. | ||
| I still need to do it. | ||
| I keep saying I'm gonna do it. | ||
| My fucking right shoulder was so jacked, and now it's like I don't have a problem with it at all. | ||
| There's nothing wrong with it. | ||
| Your whole body feels better? | ||
| Well, they do it intravenously, and when they do it intravenously, it takes care of little things, and it takes care of things over a course of a few months. | ||
| Like, over one and two. | ||
| And by the way, what I had done here, in America, is nothing compared to what Dr. Neil Reardon is doing down in Panama. | ||
| With T.J. Dillashaw went down there. | ||
| That's why T.J. thanked him when he beat Cody and he won the title. | ||
| Or defended the title against Cody. | ||
| And that's why Mel Gibson was on, talking with Neil Reardon. | ||
| Yeah, everyone swears by it. | ||
| Dude, Mel Gibson's dad was 92 on death's door. | ||
| Couldn't walk. | ||
| Now he's 100. And walking around. | ||
| Goddamn. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They go there every few months. | ||
| Every few months get jolted. | ||
| But what you do, it's not as good, but it's similar. | ||
| Yeah, well, they do it in America. | ||
| It's not as extreme, and they're doing tests on it. | ||
| They're called exosomes. | ||
| They used to think it was stem cells that were doing all the regenerative work, but now they think that stem cells are releasing exosomes. | ||
| So now they just take exosomes and they put exosomes with platelet-rich plasma and they inject them directly into injuries. | ||
| And they're having tremendous results. | ||
| Tremendous results? | ||
| Dude, I had a fucking full-length rotator cuff tear. | ||
| I remember you had a huge problem. | ||
| It's gone. | ||
| I need it for my neck. | ||
| My rotator cuff tear is gone. | ||
| It doesn't exist anymore. | ||
| I got a new MRI. There's no more tear. | ||
| That's fucking magic. | ||
| That's some magic shit. | ||
| Most people would have to have surgery. | ||
| Yes, I was going to. | ||
| I was trying to put it off. | ||
| That's what I was trying to do. | ||
| I was like, eventually I'm going to have to have surgery. | ||
| Now I'm like, I don't need surgery. | ||
| I see it from my neck. | ||
| What's going on with your neck? | ||
| It got injured during the Travis Brown camp and then in my last fight, which is four years ago, which is a crazy thing about four years ago, when I went to go take down Travis, all his weight, he sprawled and landed on my neck. | ||
| And if you look at the tape, my neck folds like this with his hips on top of me. | ||
| I showed this in my neck. | ||
| And ever since then, it's been fucking just not great. | ||
| Did you ever get an MRI? I got one a while ago. | ||
| And there's one of the, what do you call them? | ||
| One of the things are dead. | ||
| One of your discs? | ||
| Yeah, one of your discs is like black. | ||
| Black? | ||
| Yeah, I guess one of the discs. | ||
| There's an issue with one of the discs. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ooh. | |
| Yeah, I know. | ||
| Black? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What's that about? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| They don't know what that means? | ||
| They did. | ||
| This was a while ago. | ||
| I should do it again. | ||
| That was right after the fight. | ||
| I should do it again. | ||
| After the podcast, we'll talk because I'll send you to my doctor. | ||
| I just sent Kenny Florian down there. | ||
| Oh, yeah? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, I could use it. | ||
| Yeah, they're doing... | ||
| Well, one of the things they do for discs, they do stem cells as well, but they also do something called Regenikine. | ||
| That's the thing that Kobe Bryant and Peyton Manning, they were going to Germany to get done, and now they do it in America. | ||
| They've been doing it in America for quite a while now. | ||
| That's what fixed my neck. | ||
| When I had bulging discs in my neck and my hand was going numb, Regenicane fixed me. | ||
| I need to do something. | ||
| I just got to make it a priority. | ||
| I've been so busy, I haven't been able to stop. | ||
| It's nice though. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Look at you out there hustling. | ||
| Hustling. | ||
| Little birdie told me you got a Showtime special coming out. | ||
| Got a comedy special coming out in January. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, shit! | |
| Are you going to film it in January or it's going to come out in January? | ||
| Film it in January. | ||
| Where are you filming it? | ||
| The Sprecklin Theater in San Diego. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| What day? | ||
| What's the day? | ||
| I think it's on the 27th. | ||
| How many shows are you filming? | ||
| Two. | ||
| Nice. | ||
| That's good. | ||
| I know four's ideal, but we're doing two. | ||
| Four's ideal, but two's good. | ||
| Yep, it's that Saturday. | ||
| It's the 20... | ||
| Or no, that's the 26th. | ||
| 26th? | ||
| You in town? | ||
| I am now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes! | |
| Shop special. | ||
|
unidentified
|
AUB special. | |
| Bam, son! | ||
| Big Boy Moves. | ||
| Yeah, alright. | ||
| Let me write San Diego there. | ||
| Okay, location, San Diego. | ||
| Yeah, Big Boy Moves, man. | ||
| Do you feel weird about filming something? | ||
| You feel pumped about that? | ||
| Super pumped about it. | ||
| Super pumped about it. | ||
| Super excited about it. | ||
| I know the product, the quality is going to be great. | ||
| I guess for me, it's more of like... | ||
| Like, I told you, you're the first person I told, but I wouldn't go to the comedy store and be like, oh, what's up, dude, doing a comedy, you know? | ||
| I feel weird around other comics, because I feel like they're going to judge me, like, what the fuck, you doing a comedy special? | ||
| You can't listen to them. | ||
| It's not that I listen to them, I just don't, I feel like if maybe there's comics who've been doing it for 10 years, and they have no big-time special, you know, it's like, I don't want them to hold resentment toward, not that I can deal with any of that, but that's why I don't share it with everyone. | ||
| Well, I tell comics, the difference between you and them is that you have a professional athlete's work ethic. | ||
| And comics have very little work ethic. | ||
| They're lazy as fuck. | ||
| That's the number one problem. | ||
| If you say, what's the number one problem with comics? | ||
| Jerking off in front of women. | ||
| Number two, lazy. | ||
| And I'd say number three, just self-sabotage. | ||
| A lot of comics I see doing the same material over and over. | ||
| Listen, me getting a special on Showtime doesn't take anything away from you. | ||
| It's a good level playing field. | ||
| They give out a ton. | ||
| Just because Chris Delia got a special on Netflix doesn't mean they took it away from you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| There's room for everybody. | ||
| There is, yeah. | ||
| Either you're just not funny or you're not putting in the work. | ||
| I have nothing to do with it. | ||
| Or, yeah, I mean... | ||
| Guys don't like to edit either. | ||
| That's another problem. | ||
| They don't like to chop their things down and boil them and make them better. | ||
| They have a bit, they say it a certain way, and they like to say it that way forever. | ||
| Can't do that. | ||
| Comedy is a living thing. | ||
| It's like a living art form. | ||
| It's constantly changing and evolving. | ||
| I had a friend come to see me, and then they came to see me four months. | ||
| They were like, dude, that fucking bit is totally different. | ||
| I'm like, yeah, you got to tweak it. | ||
| Got to always be tweaking. | ||
| I think the only way for me to tweak is doing on stage. | ||
| I write it out different, but I only find it on stage. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| So I have to do those full weekends, Thursday, Friday, Saturday. | ||
| That's where it's at. | ||
| Two, two, two, two, two, two, and just roll. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I find that even with theaters. | ||
| When I'm doing two theaters a night, I get more done than just one. | ||
| One of the things about these big places is you're just doing one show. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You're really better off. | ||
| One of the things I'm looking forward to is somewhere around December, I'm going to start booking clubs. | ||
| I'll do Oxnard. | ||
| I'll do Levity Live in Oxnard. | ||
| I'll do the Comedy Works in Denver. | ||
| Cubs? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'll do maybe even the Punchline in San Francisco. | ||
| Or Sacramento, you mean? | ||
| San Francisco, too. | ||
| Is there a Punchline? | ||
| Isn't there? | ||
| I'm doing Punchline in Sacramento in November. | ||
| That's great, too. | ||
| That's a great little gig, but it's near a lot of cracked-out people. | ||
| I've been there before, man. | ||
| That parking lot's sketch. | ||
| I stay far away, drive on, man. | ||
| Yeah, that parking lot's sketch. | ||
| Yeah, it gets a little sketchy there. | ||
| Yeah, Red Van almost got killed. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jesus Christ. | |
| Walking back to the hotel. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| I don't stay at the normal. | ||
| Yeah, the parking lot's sketchy, but the club's awesome. | ||
| So you start doing much more clubs? | ||
| Yeah, that's the deal. | ||
| You have to have those four-set weekends, five-set weekends. | ||
| You'll have a bit that you come in on Thursday, and then by the time Saturday rolls around, that bit's alive. | ||
| It's cracking! | ||
| Yep. | ||
| But it's also one of the great things about being able to work so much in LA. Like Thursday night I did four sets. | ||
| At the store? | ||
| No, I did three at the store and one at the improv. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I did two main room shows. | ||
| I had my show in the main room. | ||
| I did Skylar Stone's show in the main room. | ||
| And then I did the OR. And then before that, I did a show at the improv. | ||
| I like the improv. | ||
| Improv's not bad, man. | ||
| You know, now that they push that fucking piano to the side. | ||
| Piano out of the way, yeah. | ||
| Jesus, that piano was stupid. | ||
| Like, how many people use that fucking piano that you're blocking half the stage? | ||
| Just Brian Kellen. | ||
| Does he use it? | ||
| He'd get on their neck like he's playing the piano. | ||
| It's hilarious. | ||
| But not anymore, Brian. | ||
| They got rid of it. | ||
| Sorry, Brian. | ||
| Sorry, B. Yeah. | ||
| I mean, who would use it? | ||
| Chris Robinson. | ||
| Yeah, that's it. | ||
| That's it? | ||
| That's it. | ||
| Just an old school thing to do? | ||
| Well, yeah. | ||
| I think it's like a witty thing to have around. | ||
| Like, how many people who have a piano in their house actually play the piano? | ||
| What a dick move. | ||
| Have a piano in your house? | ||
| Especially if you have the back part open. | ||
| Oh, I know. | ||
| Like your Mozart or some shit. | ||
| Like you're gonna fucking run a whole time. | ||
| Dun-dun-dun-dun. | ||
| Dun-dun-dun-dun. | ||
| I wish I could play the piano, to be honest with you. | ||
| I'd have people over and play it. | ||
| Would you interrupt the Super Bowl? | ||
| Fuck yeah. | ||
| We're going to take a moment and I'm going to play this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I will now play a concerto. | |
| Everyone put your pizza down. | ||
| Yeah, we're going to drink white wine and I'm going to play the piano. | ||
| Just the biggest dick move ever. | ||
| Do you ever think you get to the point where you're so pretentious you're willing to go to a musical? | ||
| A musical? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Or the opera? | |
| I'll go to some musicals, bro. | ||
| I went to Hamilton by myself in New York like a psycho. | ||
| Why'd you do that? | ||
| And I left early. | ||
| Why'd you do that? | ||
| I like plays and theater. | ||
| I went to see Annie at the Hollywood Bowl. | ||
| Was it good? | ||
| No. | ||
| You took your kids? | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Wasn't good. | ||
| You don't like that stuff, though? | ||
| Nope. | ||
| See, I like that stuff. | ||
| I was thinking about all sorts of other things. | ||
|
unidentified
|
For sure. | |
| I was going over my act while it was happening. | ||
| I couldn't enjoy it. | ||
| I was so bored. | ||
| I know the story. | ||
| That's part of the problem. | ||
| It's like going to see King Kong. | ||
| Hey, guess what? | ||
| King Kong dies at the end, you fuck. | ||
| Spider-Man 2. I'm over it. | ||
| Yeah, I mean... | ||
| Yeah, we know the story, yeah. | ||
| Spider-Man's gonna live. | ||
| He's gonna become Spider-Man. | ||
| I mean, maybe there's some possible twists and turns if they're gonna redo it. | ||
| But at the end of the day, King Kong dies. | ||
| True. | ||
| And Annie, they didn't change a goddamn word. | ||
| Were your kids loving it? | ||
| No, they were a little bored too. | ||
| See, that's a prom. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But you know what's a fun one? | ||
| Well, this might be too much. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| How old are your kids? | ||
| Eight and ten, the little ones. | ||
| They have Nightmare Before Christmas live there where Danny Elfman comes? | ||
| Yeah, we've done that. | ||
| That shit's dope. | ||
| That was good because they- I went last year as a grown man. | ||
| They also play, they have music, but they also play the movie. | ||
| But they have the actual characters. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Like the lady from Home Alone, the mom. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| She's the voice. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| Danny Elfman. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Danny Elfman has that big dick energy. | ||
| Does he? | ||
| He just rolls up there like, you don't give a fuck. | ||
| He's got that Scientology energy. | ||
| Is it Scientology? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, man. | |
| He's got that Tom Cruise energy. | ||
| Wow, bro. | ||
| Listen, that weird energy. | ||
| It does work. | ||
| Spaceship energy, bro. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Spaceship energy. | |
| That's a new one, bro. | ||
| Doesn't seem to bother them. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| That's a good show, though. | ||
| But I went to Hamilton. | ||
| I had no idea. | ||
| I was there for a night. | ||
| I was shooting that Bravo show. | ||
| I'm all by myself. | ||
| Went and got a nice, proper meal. | ||
| Oh, so you did this recently. | ||
| It's like three weeks ago, dude. | ||
| So you got a proper meal by yourself? | ||
| All by myself. | ||
| Got the prime rib. | ||
| Just ordered the prime rib. | ||
| Very keto. | ||
| Ate by myself. | ||
| Expensive little meal. | ||
| I'm like, whatever. | ||
| See ya. | ||
| Went online. | ||
| Bought a... | ||
| Not a cheap ticket to Hamilton. | ||
| Sat there and was like, oh, this is cool. | ||
| So you just decided to do this because you're on Bravo. | ||
| Let me do some other gay things? | ||
| Nah, man. | ||
| Just trying to live, bro. | ||
| Trying to embrace the New York vibe. | ||
| Broadway. | ||
| Live. | ||
| Everyone's been talking about Hamilton forever. | ||
| Are they really? | ||
| Who are you talking to? | ||
| It's the talk of the town. | ||
| This is the first time anybody in front of me has ever talked about it. | ||
| Literally. | ||
| Maybe in my circles, bro. | ||
| I just feel like... | ||
| It was a big deal, so I get there, right? | ||
| And I'm like, all right, this will be cool. | ||
| And they wrap the entire time. | ||
| And so an hour and a half goes by. | ||
| I'm like, oh, that was fun. | ||
| And we go to get up. | ||
| I'm like, well, that was good. | ||
| And the guy's like, that's intermission. | ||
| There's another hour and a half. | ||
| I went, no fucking way. | ||
| So I thought, you know what? | ||
| Let's not waste money. | ||
| I don't want to disrespect the town. | ||
| Let's just sit down. | ||
| So I sat down. | ||
| Started to get back up. | ||
| This fat dude started to sing. | ||
| I went, you know what? | ||
| I'm fucking out of here. | ||
| And I walked out. | ||
| And as I'm leaving, the guy working goes, he knew me. | ||
| He goes, Shub, who leaves early? | ||
| Who leaves Hamilton early? | ||
| I went, I do. | ||
| And just fucking got out. | ||
| I was like, dude, I can't do it, man. | ||
| When I was 18 years old, I was dating this girl. | ||
| And she took me to see Cats. | ||
| That's an old school one, yeah. | ||
| It's not your thing. | ||
| It was a murderous assault on my attention span. | ||
| They're tough. | ||
| They're crawling around like I'm a cat. | ||
| It is the worst piece of shit. | ||
| I couldn't believe how bad it was. | ||
| Nick Kroll had a great thing. | ||
| He goes, can we stop pretending you're in the fucking... | ||
| It's the Thomas Jefferson day? | ||
| He goes, what the fuck is this? | ||
| Why are you guys acting like you're in the middle of a fucking war zone? | ||
| You're on a fucking stage. | ||
| I was laughing so hard because that's his background. | ||
| Cats? | ||
| No. | ||
| He was in a war zone or Hamilton? | ||
| No, no. | ||
| Hamilton, all these. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| Look how bad this is. | ||
| Rawr, I'm a cat. | ||
| Dude, she must have been the hottest girl ever to get you to go to this thing. | ||
| She was hot. | ||
| I'd put up with some shit, yeah. | ||
| Well, I mean, she was 18, too. | ||
| We were both 18, and we were both like, maybe this is what adults do. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Let's go do this. | ||
| Let's go pretend to be adults. | ||
| And then you were bored. | ||
| Was she bored, or was she all into it? | ||
| She was just like, sorry. | ||
| I thought it was going to be good. | ||
| My bad. | ||
| I mean, she had never been before. | ||
| It was one of those things, you know, you hear, like, we're going on a date. | ||
| Let's go to a musical. | ||
| Okay, yeah, let's go see Cats. | ||
| See, I'm not, I've never been, I won't ride it out. | ||
| I won't be like, oh, let's just get through this. | ||
| Even if a movie, if it's boring, I'm out, man. | ||
| I'm, see ya. | ||
| Good for you. | ||
| See ya, man. | ||
| You gotta be able to do that. | ||
| Gotta just pull the tree, like, this sucks, right? | ||
| Otherwise they're torturing you. | ||
| The worst. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's the worst, man. | ||
| When was the last time you saw a good movie? | ||
| What's the last good movie you've seen? | ||
| God, with the kiddo, it's tough to go to the movies. | ||
| Are you going to see Little Feet? | ||
| Are you going to take your kid to see Little Feet this week? | ||
| Have you seen it? | ||
| No. | ||
| I want to see it. | ||
| I bet it's good. | ||
| Hell yeah, LeBron James is in it. | ||
| A lot of people say that's the first sign they knew that he was going to go to the Lakers. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| When he's in Little Feet. | ||
| He's doing fucking Hollywood. | ||
| He's going Hollywood. | ||
| I've been watching a bunch of shows on Netflix. | ||
| Have you seen Sinner with Jessica Biel? | ||
| No. | ||
| I heard it's amazing. | ||
| That shit's really good. | ||
| She should have won the goddamn Emmy. | ||
| What is that, an encore show or something? | ||
| No, it was on USA. It was on USA, and they brought it over to Netflix. | ||
| Oh, now it's on Netflix? | ||
| Yeah, it's on Netflix, and it is straight up. | ||
| It's intense. | ||
| The first episode, you're like, what the fuck? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's damn good. | ||
| I haven't seen a good movie in a long time, man. | ||
| You watch Ozark? | ||
| No! | ||
| I watched the first one and couldn't get into it. | ||
| What? | ||
| I know. | ||
| What? | ||
| I know, bro. | ||
| People love it. | ||
| They're on season two, right? | ||
| I'm on season two, episode nine. | ||
| And you love it? | ||
| Dude, if I get a show I like, I will just fucking power through that thing. | ||
| It's a good show, man. | ||
| I'm telling you. | ||
| Give it a chance. | ||
| I'm on it. | ||
| Yeah, I gotta get on it. | ||
| It keeps getting better, too. | ||
| You're the second person who told me now. | ||
| It's fucking good. | ||
| What about Strange Times or Stranger Things? | ||
| Yeah, Stranger Things. | ||
| Stranger Things. | ||
| Have you seen that? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You've seen that, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, it's good. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| They're doing season three now. | ||
| This is the best time ever to be a lazy fuck and just sit in front of the TV. There's more content. | ||
| And it's not like the content's going away. | ||
| That's what's really crazy. | ||
| Dude, I laugh at shows. | ||
| Like, I'll watch Good Morning America or something in the morning at ESPN. When commercials hit, I laugh. | ||
| I'm like, you silly fucks. | ||
| Yeah, I know. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What is this? | |
| I'm like, what are you doing? | ||
| I'm just going to go to something else. | ||
| I'm not dealing with this. | ||
| It's like AM radio. | ||
| I know. | ||
| It's so old school. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Commercials. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Interrupting them. | ||
| I get mad when people do commercials in the middle of podcasts. | ||
| Do you do commercials in the middle of your podcasts? | ||
| No, I do them all up front. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| You do them all up front. | ||
| That's how you do it. | ||
| I mean, obviously I've learned from you, yeah. | ||
| Fuck all that interrupting. | ||
| I think people get upset and they'd rather not buy. | ||
| I think if people were inclined, they were like, you know what, Chubb? | ||
| I'll try the Squarespace shit out because you advertise it in front of your podcast. | ||
| And get it fucked up in a row. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We've had some that ask for mid-roll, but it's very rare. | ||
| Usually it's all up. | ||
| Everything's up front. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Everything's up front. | ||
| It's the way to do it, man. | ||
| Even with FM radio, I'd go into certain cities and I just had this conversation with my agent. | ||
| I'm like, dude, I'm not doing press anymore. | ||
| I'm not doing press because also it's a different animal for me because these big sport FM radio stations bring me on. | ||
| Conor McGregor, Khabib, break it down. | ||
| I'm like, I got my own show, bitch. | ||
| It's turning to Showtime. | ||
| It's turning to Below the Belt, my podcast. | ||
| Listen to that. | ||
| Me breaking down Conor Khabib is not selling any comedy tickets. | ||
| You want to talk about just life, I'm down. | ||
| You want me to break down the fucking Broncos game or Khabib Conor? | ||
| It's not happening, man. | ||
| Well, there's also a problem with, if you're lucky, your personality goes well with them. | ||
| But I've had many, during my days of doing the road and doing radio, I've had many times where I just did not vibe with the person who was the DJ. Not at all. | ||
| And it became a real issue. | ||
| Yeah, and then you come off as a dick. | ||
| Like, some things I'd be like, I don't want to talk about that. | ||
| Like, you know what I'm talking about? | ||
| No, I don't want to talk about an ex-girlfriend. | ||
| Do you want to talk about an ex-girlfriend? | ||
| Like, what are you doing, man? | ||
| Yeah, like, what are you doing? | ||
| Like, you just try to make things controversial because you're not interesting. | ||
| Yeah, or... | ||
| You want to make you uncomfortable. | ||
| Oh, dude, or I'll... | ||
| You and Dana White, what's the deal there? | ||
| I'm like... | ||
| No deal. | ||
| What do you want? | ||
| How am I going to make this and sell comedy tickets? | ||
| How's that going to work, dude? | ||
| Well, it's just they're not that good. | ||
| No. | ||
| There's a reason why they're on radio. | ||
| There's a lot of people out there doing it that are just not that good at it. | ||
| There's some who are great. | ||
| I used to think that when I was doing it. | ||
| When I was doing radio, I'd be like, you're just not an interesting person. | ||
| No. | ||
| You're like noise in between people that are talking, that are interesting, that you're interviewing, in between music. | ||
| And you have a giant ego. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| They have the biggest egos. | ||
| And also, it's so old school to move tickets. | ||
| It doesn't make sense to me. | ||
| Well, you know what's more old school and more gross? | ||
| Those morning TV shows. | ||
| Good morning, Dallas. | ||
| Hi, we're here with Brendan Shaw from the UFO. And he's here to talk about knuckle fighting or something. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What do you do? | |
| Dude, I did one in smoke, and it was the last. | ||
| Literally, I was like, oh, I'm out. | ||
| There's no more. | ||
| I'm never doing this again. | ||
| There's no more. | ||
| Here we are with Brendan Schwab. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Brendan, UFC, NFL, comedy. | |
| Where do you stop? | ||
| Real quick. | ||
| How about the weather? | ||
| And had me read the... | ||
| And I went, what? | ||
| And they go, you want to take the weather from here? | ||
| I went... | ||
| Take the weather? | ||
| I'm like, you want me to read your weather report? | ||
| You should stick your butt out like that one Mexican chick with a giant ass. | ||
| Have you ever seen her? | ||
| Oh, in the Mexican? | ||
| Oh, dude. | ||
| Oh, she makes me sweat. | ||
| I would read her weather. | ||
| Is she Mexican or South American? | ||
| I forget. | ||
| She's Mexican. | ||
| Oh, my Jesus. | ||
| Oh, dude, she is. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| See, that's different. | ||
| You should look at her before you jerk off into a cup. | ||
| Here she is. | ||
| Look at her. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| She's wearing almost nothing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Dude! | |
| Look at that booty. | ||
| Look at that booty. | ||
| They can't help but stare at Garcia. | ||
| What is her name? | ||
| Mexican. | ||
| Yanet Garcia. | ||
| Break the internet. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Her body's off the charts. | ||
| Temperatura. | ||
| They're doing it fucking right, aren't they? | ||
| Yeah, that's how you do it. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, who gives a fuck if she knows anything? | ||
| You know, who knows? | ||
| 1.3 million for just having a blowout ass. | ||
| That is a blowout ass, too. | ||
| Perfect body. | ||
| Look at her. | ||
| Look at her in her underwear. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Look at that butt. | ||
| She is gorgeous. | ||
| She's pretty goddamn hot. | ||
| See? | ||
| Now, that makes sense. | ||
| What you should do is go out there and get down your underwear and stick your ass out. | ||
| I need to do some shows in Mexico, it sounds like, and do some press. | ||
| Remember when I said no press? | ||
| Correct. | ||
| I'm here to do the Mexican weather. | ||
| And I'm just here to do the weather. | ||
| Only here to talk about clouds coming in. | ||
| She just broke up with a pro gamer, Call of Duty. | ||
| Oh, so she's single, huh? | ||
| She was dating a nerd? | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| Rich nerd, though. | ||
| Nerds are coming up. | ||
| Rich nerd. | ||
| Those Call of Duty nerds are coming up. | ||
| I just heard about her recently for some reason, and that's what it was. | ||
| Pro gamers might as well be golfers now, right? | ||
| Dudes get paid. | ||
| Yeah, right? | ||
| They might as well be golfers in terms of money. | ||
| Them and YouTubers. | ||
| Like, right? | ||
| Like, just straight YouTubers? | ||
| A lot of them stupid money. | ||
| Hate, son. | ||
| And no major network, nothing. | ||
| Nothing. | ||
| If you ask freaking Logan Paul, come on, Good Morning America, he's like, suck it. | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| He dumped her to work on Call of Duty. | ||
| He what? | ||
| He dumped her to work on his Call of Duty game. | ||
| Let me see this kid. | ||
| She probably wanted too much dick. | ||
| Oh, he's a handsome fella. | ||
| Handsome old Mexican fella. | ||
| He might have something else in the works. | ||
| Blowout booty. | ||
| Yeah, like other dick. | ||
| How does he, like, pass up on her? | ||
| Just let her ride it while you're playing the game. | ||
| Dude, maybe she's terrible in bed, though, and he's like, fuck this noise. | ||
| That's not even physically possible. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| You're right. | ||
| When you're right, you're right. | ||
| That's like saying there's a bad Porsche to drive. | ||
| It's just, no. | ||
| They're all great. | ||
| You can fix it up. | ||
| There we go. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa! | |
| Jesus Christ, that's the two of them together? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And he broke up with her. | ||
| Dude! | ||
| I'm confused. | ||
| Is he into cock? | ||
| There must be something wrong with his brain. | ||
| Look at him. | ||
| He's jacked, though. | ||
| Dude, he flexed out. | ||
| Me, too. | ||
| He's probably nasty on sticks. | ||
| Look at her, though. | ||
| Good googly moogly. | ||
| Dude, I would give it all up. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Good lord. | ||
| Good lord. | ||
| Good lord, the body on that lady. | ||
| Damn, he dumped her. | ||
| He's like, move on, bitch. | ||
| Listen, man, those guys are coming up. | ||
| Breaking news, I'm out. | ||
| Pro gamers coming up in this world. | ||
| Dude, apparently. | ||
| It's a different life. | ||
| Drop some breaking news on her ass. | ||
| Yeah, I just got tired of that one. | ||
| There's someone out there tired of fucking Beyonce, you know what I'm saying? | ||
| That's what I heard. | ||
| His name's Jay-Z. That's what I heard. | ||
| Yeah, but people get sick of it. | ||
| People get sick of it. | ||
| If you like it, then you should have put a ring on it. | ||
| Any other fights to talk about? | ||
| We done? | ||
| I think we're done. | ||
| I think we're done, brother. | ||
| We covered it all. | ||
| When is the fucking next fight, Companion? | ||
| Let's figure that out, Jamie. | ||
| Pull up the schedule. | ||
| I'm on the road damn near every weekend, but let's figure it out. | ||
| What do we got, Jamie? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wait a minute. | |
| Octavio. | ||
| October 27th might be a possibility. | ||
| Hold on. | ||
| October 27th, Volkan Ozdemir versus Johnson. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right? | |
| Click on that? | ||
| Anthony Smith. | ||
| Anthony Smith, rather? | ||
| I was going to say Anthony Johnson. | ||
| You said that's the 27th? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm in Phoenix with your boy Ari and Big J doing a show with Theo and Brian. | ||
| Son of a bitch. | ||
| That sounds like better. | ||
| I know. | ||
| That sounds like more fun. | ||
| You should come with us. | ||
| Wish I could. | ||
| Wait a minute. | ||
| What is the Denver one? | ||
| The Denver one is Cowboy versus Mike Perry, too. | ||
| Oh, that's a motherfucking fight. | ||
| That's November 10th? | ||
| What are you doing there? | ||
| Let me see. | ||
| Oh, I'm in town. | ||
| I'm in town. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| Fight Companion. | ||
| I'm putting it in right now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| Fight Companion. | ||
| I'm putting it in my calendar, too. | ||
| That's a scary one for Cowboy. | ||
| That's a fun fight for everybody. | ||
| Look at this card. | ||
| Benavidez versus Ray Borgs on that card. | ||
| Cowboy Mike Perry. | ||
| Korean Zombie vs. | ||
| Frankie Edgar. | ||
| First team all dime pieces in Yoda vs. | ||
| Cooper. | ||
| Oh, look at this. | ||
| Raquel Pennington returns against Jermaine Durandamy. | ||
| She's like, yeah, fuck all that 145 pound title. | ||
| She said, fuck your title. | ||
| I'd rather fight on the undercard. | ||
| What is the Dime Piece one? | ||
| Yoder vs. | ||
| Cooper. | ||
| Now, the UFC pictures aren't flattering, but if you look at their Instagram. | ||
| Did you see Mackenzie Dern made a video for Joey Diaz saying she's going to kick his ass after a whole thing? | ||
| She was joking, though? | ||
| Smelling her ass. | ||
| Was she joking, though? | ||
| Yes, she was laughing. | ||
| She's hilarious. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Dare you, Sean, that card, too. | ||
| That's a good card, man. | ||
| Fight Companion, Denver. | ||
| Fight Companion, Denver. | ||
| It's in. | ||
| We're locked up. | ||
| All right. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| All right. | ||
| TFATK.com. | ||
| I'm at Salt Lake City. | ||
| That is October 10th through the 12th. | ||
| And after that, I'm in San Francisco. | ||
| Cobbs. | ||
| After that, Sacramento. | ||
| Boom. | ||
| TFATK.com. | ||
| TFATK.com. | ||
| Thanks, brother. | ||
| Thanks, brother. | ||
| Bye, everybody. |
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