July 31, 2018 - The Joe Rogan Experience
03:27:03
Participants
| 
| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
| Here we go. | ||
| Three, two, one. | ||
| Fucking yee-haw, Felipe. | ||
| How are you, sir? | ||
| What's up, fool? | ||
| Good, man. | ||
| Thanks for having me. | ||
| Did you have to say that? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It seems like it happened. | ||
| You said, what's up, dude? | ||
| And then you said, what's up, fool? | ||
| You corrected yourself. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm slipping. | ||
| When you have such a cool saying, like you do, you almost feel compelled to use it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It all started like, people in my neighborhood would answer the phone like that. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| I was dating this girl and I called her up and her brother answered her phone. | ||
| What's up, fool? | ||
| Yeah, it's normal, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That is a cool Mexican thing to say. | ||
| No, probably more like the hood. | ||
| The hood? | ||
| More like the West Coast hoodie. | ||
| West Coast hood that's not necessarily Mexican? | ||
| South Central. | ||
| Mexican and blacks. | ||
| We took it from the blacks. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| But mostly like West Coast, South Central, East LA, Boyle Heights. | ||
| Boyle Heights in the house. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| This is a contentious time for fucking people when it comes to Mexicans and Americans with this whole wall thing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I went to go to look at the walls, because I went to Mexico, Tijuana, and I was right at the border of the gate. | ||
| The gate is not a wall, it's just a gate. | ||
| And across from the gate, they have eight wall prototypes. | ||
| Eight wall prototypes. | ||
| There's one wall. | ||
| That's like, it's a wall with cement and it has concrete. | ||
| Then there's another wall that's different. | ||
| And then another wall. | ||
| It's like, you know when you go buy tile for your house? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And they show you all the tiles. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| Those are what the walls are. | ||
| Like those little Home Depot. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Like a sign, like a placard with different... | ||
| Wow, look at that. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| I was there. | ||
| I was right in front of that. | ||
| Each one of those, I think, cost $25 million. | ||
| Each wall. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Each one. | |
| Each little fake one? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Someone's getting robbed. | ||
| There's some contractors right now in New Jersey going, wait, wait, hey, hey, what the fuck? | ||
| I could do that for 30 grand! | ||
| Anytime you have a wall, historically, shit goes down, right? | ||
| People want to get over that wall. | ||
| It's natural. | ||
| People want to get out. | ||
| People want to get in. | ||
| It's going to be tough. | ||
| And here's what the craziest shit about the wall. | ||
| I'm sure you've seen where it goes into the ocean. | ||
| Yeah, I was there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Shh! | |
| Like, how are you going to stop people from going around that? | ||
| That is the silliest thing ever. | ||
| That is like having this gigantic, huge... | ||
| There it is. | ||
| The freedom wall. | ||
| That is like having a gigantic, huge, impenetrable boundary, but on one side, there's just like a door. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's a door. | ||
| You can go right around that. | ||
| I mean, it'd be hard to bring all your shit. | ||
| So what happens? | ||
| These guys right there are on the Mexico side, and those guys over there are on the California side. | ||
| Like, that is the weirdest shit ever. | ||
| They play volleyball with each other. | ||
| Do they? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Wow. | ||
| God, that's so crazy. | ||
| They added another piece to that wall right there. | ||
| So that wall, that's an old wall. | ||
| See, that's the construction of the wall that I saw now. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You can still swim, but as soon as you swim, you know, probably the coast cars will come get you. | ||
| That is so crazy. | ||
| Just what a strange... | ||
| And people are like, oh, yeah, you don't want a wall? | ||
| Relax. | ||
| I haven't said any of that. | ||
| I'm not saying that. | ||
| I'm saying just look at this just as a... | ||
| Use your brain. | ||
| Just look at this objectively and see how bizarre it is that there's a gigantic physical boundary that keeps certain people... | ||
| From going into a certain area. | ||
| I mean, I think that one day, that has to not be a thing anymore. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Wouldn't you say? | ||
| That is a crazy thing to justify. | ||
| Like, you can't come to the good spots. | ||
| Like, the good spots are limited. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well, if they let people in, then there'll be no more good spot. | |
| It'll be just like the bad spots. | ||
| That's the fear. | ||
| Here's the thing man, that's not an imperfect fear. | ||
| It's not a fear that's not totally illogical either, right? | ||
| You would be worried if you lived in a sweet place like, name a city, not too many people, perfect size. | ||
| Boulder, Colorado. | ||
| Yeah, Boulder's cool. | ||
| Cool as fuck. | ||
| Everybody's nice. | ||
| What if a million more people moved into Boulder? | ||
| Now all of a sudden it's a million, one hundred thousand. | ||
| You're like, what the fuck? | ||
| What the fuck is this? | ||
| You can't go anywhere now. | ||
| Everybody's rude. | ||
| People start getting antsy. | ||
| The way they drive, they drive faster. | ||
| That's what happens. | ||
| More gangs? | ||
| How do you fix that? | ||
| That's what we need to fix, not like whether or not there's a wall. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How do you fix people from getting crazy? | |
| I know, man. | ||
| Sooner or later, Boulder, Colorado would probably have a subway system to get all those people off the streets. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| If they did have a couple million people move there, like, bam, start moving shit, it would change radically. | ||
| That's what happens to places. | ||
| You get too many people, they just fucking change. | ||
| It's still strange as fuck to see a wall. | ||
| It is, man. | ||
| Why don't you let him into your house? | ||
| I'm not saying that. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| But it gets so right-wingy, left-wingy about this. | ||
| They do, man. | ||
| What did you just take to comedy? | ||
| Yeah, all I'm saying is it's weird. | ||
| It's fucking weird. | ||
| It seems to be something that should be perhaps re-examined. | ||
| This idea of... | ||
| It's almost like we have weird parents that we have to listen to for our whole life. | ||
| Those parents are the government. | ||
| I know. | ||
| When I was a little boy, I was living in Mexico. | ||
| And my mother, she used to tie me up to a stump so I would run away. | ||
| Holy shit, son. | ||
| Because I used to follow my dad to work every day. | ||
| My dad was like, I think he was like a steel worker or something. | ||
| He worked on a lathe. | ||
| So he worked with metal all the time. | ||
| And I would follow him to work every day because I was a bored little kid, I guess. | ||
| And I would run away every day and my mom would tie me up to a little street store with a rope. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| I was her pet, basically. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| That's a weird memory. | ||
| I know, right? | ||
| I remember I lived in Mexico for a little while. | ||
| So I was three or four. | ||
| Then my dad took off. | ||
| Do you remember Mexico at all? | ||
| I remember a bathroom was outside. | ||
| Like an outhouse. | ||
| And we had to use a flashlight to go outside. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| I remember mosquitoes everywhere and my mom's family all living in one big ranch with different houses. | ||
| And it was fucking dusty. | ||
| I mean, it was dusty. | ||
| I was living in Sinaloa, Mexico. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And there used to be a truck that would water the ground every day because it was too dusty and there was no cement. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| But then my dad took off to the United States and we followed him. | ||
| We were living in Tijuana, Mexico for about two years. | ||
| Do you remember how you got through? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| My dad made it through first, started another family, then came and got us. | ||
| No, but that's what I thought. | ||
| He was gone for a long time, man. | ||
| And then we were living with my aunt. | ||
| Her name was Julia, and she lived in Tijuana, Mexico, right next to where that gate is. | ||
| Colonia 13, what's up? | ||
| And... | ||
| We went across with a coyote, you know, a smuggler. | ||
| My mom paid him money and we got in his car. | ||
| We crossed. | ||
| We made it through. | ||
| I remember we made it through, but there was like a checkpoint back in the day in San Clemente, California. | ||
| The California sheriff's department, the county sheriffs, they would randomly stop cars, you know, like too many people in one car, this car's too heavy. | ||
| So they got us and they put us in a holding cell. | ||
| My mom went one way, we went the other way. | ||
| How old were you? | ||
| I was probably four maybe or five, I don't remember. | ||
| But it was three little brothers I have. | ||
| My little brother was like three, and the other one was one or two. | ||
| Why would they separate you from your mom? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I guess that's how they process wetbacks or illegal people. | ||
| That seems kind of crazy. | ||
| She went to one where, and I don't know what... | ||
| I don't remember crying or being scared. | ||
| I just know that we were watching cartoons, you know? | ||
| Wow. | ||
| American cartoons. | ||
| That's all you remember? | ||
| And then they caught us... | ||
| We went back again, and they caught us again in another car, and we got separated again. | ||
| But this time we were held for a longer time, and I remember my aunt, when she saw us in Mexico, she said, ha ha, they caught you guys again. | ||
| Just jokingly. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| But the third time was like, my aunt and my mom came up with this crazy idea, because we had brothers. | ||
| No, we had cousins in San Francisco, California, and My mom said, you know, why don't we just borrow their passports, you know, to cross. | ||
| And I don't remember this, you know, I just found out recently that what happened, my brother told me. | ||
| My little young brother, we dressed him up like a little girl. | ||
| Like a full-on little girl. | ||
| Because we had like three passports and two were boys, one was girl and we took straws I guess. | ||
| And my mom and my aunt, they forced my little brother to be a little girl. | ||
| How'd they make him look like a girl? | ||
| They dressed him like a little girl for two weeks just to play around, you know. | ||
| They gave him a fake name and so and so. | ||
| And he was playing, you know, dancing, Noah, Noah. | ||
| You know, dancing, getting ready, playing with little Barbie dolls. | ||
| So he was preparing, trying to be a girl. | ||
| Preparing, bro. | ||
| De Niro, bro. | ||
| Wow, De Niro. | ||
| Getting ready for that role of his life. | ||
| Wow. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How old was he? | |
| He was two at least, or three. | ||
| Man, he was young. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| So we crossed... | ||
| And we made it all the way. | ||
| And I remember that some other car picked us up. | ||
| We jumped in another car right away. | ||
| And then we jumped in another car. | ||
| And then that car drove us to Southern California. | ||
| We were like in Compton somewhere. | ||
| And Carson. | ||
| We were in a house that had... | ||
| It was funny. | ||
| It was like a hub for illegal immigrants. | ||
| Like everybody there was going to different places. | ||
| Okay, Juan, you're going to go to St. Louis. | ||
| This guy, you're going to go to San Diego. | ||
| This lady, her three kids, they're going to go to Boyle Heights because that's where their father is. | ||
| So we ended up going to Boyle Heights. | ||
| They didn't speak no English at all. | ||
| But I picked up English right away, you know, because you're little, like watching Bionic Woman and shit, Six Million Dollar Man, Incredible Hulk, Dukes of Hazzard. | ||
| So you basically picked it up from TV? Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Them Dukes! | ||
| But what kind of lessons did you take? | ||
| Less than what? | ||
| In English. | ||
| Oh, none. | ||
| Zero. | ||
| When I was in elementary school, it was different from now. | ||
| There was no, like, separating these kids who don't speak Spanish and put them in English as a second language class. | ||
| I started in kindergarten, so... | ||
| So you just picked it up? | ||
| I picked it up. | ||
| That is crazy. | ||
| The teacher never spoke Spanish to us. | ||
| She never said, okay, Juan, you know what Apple is? | ||
| Nah, it wasn't nothing like that. | ||
| It was like, I don't got time for you. | ||
| You're going to pick it up or not. | ||
| Do you think it was because you were so young, your brain could pick up another language really quickly? | ||
| Isn't that what they say? | ||
| Like young people, their brains pick up languages quicker? | ||
| I think I picked it up really fast, but just my pronunciation was not there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Like, I didn't know how to say bionic. | ||
| I would say b'lion. | ||
| That kind of makes sense, right? | ||
| That a part of your brain would really develop and make it real easy to learn a language when it's really young. | ||
| You know, like, okay, how do I say this? | ||
| You, like, give more of a desperation for figuring it out. | ||
| But I bet you a little kid that comes from another country like you did, well, you're a perfect example. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You learn from TV. That's crazy. | |
| So you learned from just talking to people that were around you and television. | ||
| Television. | ||
| Nobody's saying, this is how you say this is a pronoun, this is a noun, this is a verb. | ||
| No one's telling you any of that. | ||
| Nobody told me that. | ||
| But later I had a cousin who lived in Santa Paula and she taught me That stuff. | ||
| This is how you say this word. | ||
| We'll play school together. | ||
| She'll give me assignments. | ||
| She'll pretend to be a teacher and then I'll read. | ||
| You know what, man? | ||
| For little kids, that should be fascinating. | ||
| Learning how to speak a language. | ||
| But for whatever reason, we decide that it's boring. | ||
| Like, learning a language is like, oh, it's so much work. | ||
| I gotta read another book. | ||
| Yeah, fuck that, dude. | ||
| Fuck, I'm gonna fuck up another book report. | ||
| People give you an out. | ||
| You're like, come on, man, just get Rosetta Stone. | ||
| I'm like, oh, man. | ||
| Imagine trying to learn Chinese. | ||
| Like, what are you saying? | ||
| I'm going to learn how to read it too? | ||
| I could read that stuff and say it? | ||
| How much time would that take? | ||
| That would be crazy. | ||
| I took German in high school for like a whole year and I got an eighth in my class, but I didn't learn anything. | ||
| See, for me, I think everything gets super squirrely with unusual languages that use things other than our letters. | ||
| As soon as you use things other than our letters, like you see Russian, you're like, ah! | ||
| What the fuck is that? | ||
| They have totally different ways of using our letters. | ||
| Pull up some Russian. | ||
| Pull up like Russian translation. | ||
| Like Russians have, they got Y's in there and X's and shit. | ||
| Yeah, it's such a powerful language. | ||
| It looks like, almost like Viking runes or something like that sometimes. | ||
| Like Braille. | ||
| It's a crazy looking language. | ||
| Like another one is Arabic. | ||
| Arabic's a crazy looking language. | ||
| Like look at that. | ||
| What the hell is that, man? | ||
| What is that? | ||
| That's something you'll see in the movie of Indiana Jones. | ||
| What is that thing that looks like a spade with a knife through its heart? | ||
| Yeah, that thing right there. | ||
| What is that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Look at that. | ||
| Like, what is that called? | ||
| Krillic? | ||
| They call it Krillic? | ||
| Okay, look at the language. | ||
| Like, look at it when you see it written down. | ||
| Look at that weird double K thing. | ||
| K left, K east, K... Look at that one! | ||
| Looks like a crown. | ||
| It'll be funny to watch Russian Wheel of Fortune! | ||
| Give me the B that looks like a six! | ||
| But they have R letters too, but they're backwards. | ||
| Like, look at that again. | ||
| It's almost like... | ||
| Look how they have R's, but they have a backwards capital R. What? | ||
| They have a backwards lowercase n, it looks like. | ||
| That's insane. | ||
| Like, look at that U. That U with a big dick. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| There's a U with a big dick, and there's a U with two dicks. | ||
| Look at the V that looks like a chair. | ||
| Yeah, this is a fascinating language. | ||
| R is P. S is C. I think if we lived on another planet, And we were observing a giant culture that had nuclear power. | ||
| But they all hadn't even agreed on the same language yet. | ||
| We'd be like, what are these crazy assholes doing? | ||
| What are they doing? | ||
| They're all speaking different. | ||
| They can't understand each other. | ||
| They all have nuclear power and they can't understand each other. | ||
| So you're relying on translators and people to speak for you and representatives. | ||
| I know, man. | ||
| I watched that movie, Clothing Council, for the first time on mushrooms. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| Man, man. | ||
| Dude. | ||
| You're right about communication. | ||
| They're communicating with the UFOs, and the UFOs could think... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Didn't they have a hand thing that they would do with it? | ||
| That was amazing. | ||
| I always wonder, what if we're... | ||
| Humans always think that they know... | ||
| What the other person might be saying. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| But what if the whole time you're detonating a bomb with each other? | ||
| Well, the problem is what they're saying means different things in different cultures, too. | ||
| Just on Earth, people just have different styles of living. | ||
| You can't tell them they're wrong in Africa or they're right in Norwegian. | ||
| Norwegian. | ||
| What is Norway? | ||
| Norway. | ||
| How funny is that in Norwegian? | ||
| I'm trying to come up with a cold weather. | ||
| I was in the middle of Iceland. | ||
| I should have went with Iceland. | ||
| But any place like that, these freezing climates, who's right? | ||
| Who's, you know, I don't know. | ||
| Who's right? | ||
| Like in Argentina, we had a guest on our podcast. | ||
| He said that when they were performing, he said that they were spitting at them. | ||
| And he goes, why were they spitting at you? | ||
| Because that's how they say we love you in Argentina when you're performing. | ||
| They spit at you. | ||
| I'm like, fuck that. | ||
| People do weird shit and they get used to it, right? | ||
| How about in Iceland, they eat this crazy shark. | ||
| It's like a fermented shark. | ||
| And it's supposed to be disgusting for everybody else but them. | ||
| Like, they love it. | ||
| It's like a delicacy. | ||
| And Bourdain ate it and he said it was disgusting. | ||
| A bunch of people have eaten it on TV shows and shit and been like, what the fuck? | ||
| What kind of shark is it? | ||
| Some kind of fermented shark. | ||
| Iceland people are some strong fucking people, man. | ||
| Those people live in Iceland. | ||
| Just think about how hardy you have to be. | ||
| Those are huge, man. | ||
| I've seen a video of them working out. | ||
| Yeah, there's like a disproportionate number of the world's strongest men have come from Iceland. | ||
| Big-ass Paul Bunyan motherfuckers. | ||
| Giant motherfuckers. | ||
| They probably drink a lot of fucking beer too, huh? | ||
| Probably drink whatever the fuck they want. | ||
| Those are Vikings, man. | ||
| That's what's left over. | ||
| That's what's left over the Vikings. | ||
| Back before guns? | ||
| It's like that just ran through villages, man. | ||
| Paris motherfuckers. | ||
| Those are the last remnants. | ||
| Once people started developing guns, then it became a fair fight. | ||
| Then it's like, oh, okay. | ||
| Before that, man, the Vikings showed up. | ||
| You were fucksville. | ||
| That was no bueno. | ||
| Heavy ass swords too. | ||
| Giant swords. | ||
| If there was an actual country filled with people as big as those strongest men guys and they decided to just take over. | ||
| There was no guns. | ||
| They just take over. | ||
| That's how it works. | ||
| Arrows are not good enough. | ||
| Catapults, not good enough. | ||
| Start stabbing them in the legs. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That's a good move. | ||
| That's always a good move. | ||
| Like little hyenas, bro. | ||
| Just wait for the motherfuckers. | ||
| What do you think it would be like if everybody spoke the same language? | ||
| Do you think if the world spoke one language, things would be better? | ||
| Or would find other shit to hate each other for? | ||
| I think sooner or later somebody would make up their own language. | ||
| A little slang like, we're not gonna call him Mike, we're gonna call him shithead, okay? | ||
| For fun, right? | ||
| Especially if people get too control-y with the language. | ||
| Don't say that word, don't say this word. | ||
| As soon as people get control-y with the language, like, let's make our own shit. | ||
| Like, I was called problematic one time. | ||
| For what? | ||
| What'd you do? | ||
| I did a show and this lady went on and goes, oh he's problematic, he's, what do you say, he's mass chauvinist, what's that word? | ||
| Male chauvinist? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I just did one joke, but she heard like the trigger word, I guess. | ||
| Right. | ||
| That set her off, so I guess she didn't wait for the punchline. | ||
| I've had that happen. | ||
| But it's weird, like, lady, you should understand, you know, You walked into my show with your friends, they should've just warned you that I say words, but you gotta wait for the punchline, bitch! | ||
| Yeah, there's a turn coming up here. | ||
| Just hang in there. | ||
| I remember doing this show, and I was just talking about my brother coming in and out of prison a lot, and they booked me for the show, it wasn't that much, $200. | ||
| And I told my friend, this comedian I had worked with, Steve Fly, he's fucking dirty. | ||
| I told him, please, bro, just be clean for 10 minutes. | ||
| Please. | ||
| No surprises, bro. | ||
| Don't put your pants down. | ||
| Just a quick 8 if you have it. | ||
| So he did a quick 850. Solid. | ||
| Killed it. | ||
| I went up there. | ||
| I was doing okay. | ||
| I started talking about whatever, stretch marks, this and that. | ||
| Then I said, my brother been in and out of prison a lot. | ||
| Every time he comes out worse. | ||
| The first time he came out a better thief. | ||
| The second time, he came out racist. | ||
| Like, total racist. | ||
| A Mexican guy. | ||
| And then the third time, he came out even worse, man. | ||
| He came out a born-again Christian. | ||
| And they took my microphone away from me. | ||
| She didn't wait for the punchline. | ||
| Like, he don't steal no more. | ||
| He blesses himself. | ||
| You know, and then she just took the microphone away, this fat lady, and she said, that's enough for Mr. Felipe Esparza. | ||
| That is so crazy. | ||
| They don't let you say that. | ||
| Just think of how foolish that is, to stop you from saying that. | ||
| Like, this is a problem. | ||
| This is a problem that people have, they feel righteous. | ||
| When you're talking about stand-up comedy in particular, when you're setting up a joke like that, you're taking them for a ride. | ||
| They don't know what you're gonna say next. | ||
| You know, and it's funny. | ||
| To pretend that it's not funny because it's talking about a certain subject is just crazy. | ||
| Because it's not about not being able to talk about subjects. | ||
| It should be, like, if someone has a heinous perspective, like, hey, I don't have a problem if kids get raped and killed. | ||
| And they start trying to make a joke about that. | ||
| Fuck, man. | ||
| Good luck. | ||
| You're on your own. | ||
| You have an obviously heinous perspective, but that's not a heinous perspective. | ||
| What you're doing, talking about a guy going to jail and getting worse every time he comes out, that's also a reality. | ||
| It is. | ||
| It is a reality. | ||
| And for people to deny that, people become hardened criminals because they've been in the joint three, four times. | ||
| The joint? | ||
| What am I, living in the 50s? | ||
| Come on, man. | ||
| That's crazy to deny that. | ||
| But you're in there with fucking criminals and you know, you're stuck in a cage. | ||
| Of course, you're gonna come out worse. | ||
| That's where it's fucked up, right? | ||
| It's like nobody's getting any better at doing that. | ||
| No, no one ever re-engineers the whole prison system. | ||
| No one ever re-engineers the whole people system and looks and goes why why we just continue to have crime emanate out of these Unfortunate areas. | ||
| If you just fix those areas, is it possible that you could have no extreme poverty on earth? | ||
| Is it possible? | ||
| Do we have enough resources? | ||
| Does anybody know? | ||
| Do people think that in order to live the way we live now, that somebody somewhere has to live in extreme poverty? | ||
| Is that what they think? | ||
| Or is it just a spot we're stuck at? | ||
| Well, I think the only thing that would happen if nobody really, it would just be middle class and poor. | ||
| Then everybody would have something. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because right now it's just rich and middle class and poor. | ||
| The rich would have to give half to the middle class and the middle class to give some of it to the poor. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| Not enough money to go around. | ||
| Sorry. | ||
| Yeah, is that real? | ||
| Like if we had all the resources on us. | ||
| We don't really need resources. | ||
| We just need people to volunteer, man. | ||
| Volunteer for what? | ||
| To help people. | ||
| Like, okay, you care about dogs so much. | ||
| I don't see you working, putting in eight hours at no shelter. | ||
| Walking these dogs for free. | ||
| What does it say? | ||
| Billionaires make so much money last year, they could end extreme poverty seven times. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| Where's the profit in that? | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| That is crazy. | ||
| Roughly six out of the seven, the top 500 richest people saw their net worth. | ||
| The net wealth created this year is a staggering $259.4 billion. | ||
| Here are the top five richest people who saw massive gains this year. | ||
| Oh boy, Jeff Bezos, in the house, CEO of Amazon, $35 billion to his net worth this year. | ||
| Holy shit! | ||
| I don't know how to say this gentleman's name. | ||
| Evergrande's chairman's bank account grew 25 billion. | ||
| Yeah, these guys are they're fucking making cash, baby. | ||
| What's his name? | ||
| Bernard what? | ||
| Bernard Arnault. | ||
| Look at him. | ||
| Cash, baby. | ||
| 24 billion. | ||
| Mark Zuckerberg. | ||
| Zuckerberg in the house. | ||
| 24 billion. | ||
| Jesus Christ, that's a lot of money. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Woo! | |
| Yeah, there's some... | ||
| But here's the thing, man. | ||
| If you're going to have a game, and I'm not advocating for capitalism or communism or socialism. | ||
| I'm not advocating for anything. | ||
| What I'm going to say, if you're going to have a game, and you're trying to figure out how much of a certain thing, and if you own that thing, you could do way more stuff. | ||
| You could buy a private jet. | ||
| You could get a big house. | ||
| So what is it... | ||
| What are the steps you have to take in order to get that thing? | ||
| And is there too much? | ||
| Could someone have all of it and everybody else have zero? | ||
| Is that possible? | ||
| What if there's no rule that says you have to do something with it either? | ||
| Like you could just collect it all and burn it. | ||
| But that'd be an asshole move. | ||
| But in every game, there's rules, right? | ||
| Technically, there's no rule here that says Bezos couldn't just win it. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| No, I'm not saying... | ||
| What I'm saying is, is it possible that someone could get to a point where they have all the money? | ||
| I mean, if this is... | ||
| I think it happened before. | ||
| I think J.P. Morgan had all the money at one time. | ||
| Did he really? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| And I saw that documentary, The Man Who Built America. | ||
| At one time, he held a monopoly on all the steel in the world. | ||
| Well, one thing that people really resist is if you try to make new money. | ||
| That's why people are really edgy about Bitcoin. | ||
| They're like, hey, what? | ||
| What the fuck's going on? | ||
| This is their own real money? | ||
| They're buying houses with Bitcoin? | ||
| People are selling houses with Bitcoin. | ||
| Oh! | ||
| Listen, man, in this day and age, with the kind of trust that people have in government, in government decisions when it comes to economics, that Bitcoin stuff, any cryptocurrency stuff becomes more and more interesting to people. | ||
| Because they go, these crazy fuckers aren't fixing nothing, man. | ||
| When I was living in, well, I grew up in Pico Aliso Gardens, Aliso Village Housing Projects, a lot of our, my mom didn't have money in the bank at first. | ||
| Our neighbors didn't have money in the bank, so they started their own little bank. | ||
| Like, we have this thing called, I don't know how to say it in English, called Condina. | ||
| We get like, I guess, 10 families that we know, and every week somebody puts $100 in the pot. | ||
| So there's 10 of us, and everybody puts $100, and we all take turns every week collecting the pot. | ||
| So you and I and him and seven other people, we put in $100, that's $1,000, so this week Joe Rogan gets it. | ||
| And next week, everybody puts in $100 again, and this time he takes it. | ||
| He gets $100,000. | ||
| And then the next week, I get $1,000. | ||
| So everybody makes $1,000. | ||
| So that would be like the way we used to loan each other out money in the hood. | ||
| It works out on the honor system, but it never fails because usually if one guy doesn't want to pay Something will happen, like, you know, it'll look bad on his family in Mexico, or we'll go hunt that fool down. | ||
| But I used to do that. | ||
| I used to be the guy that used to collect all the money from these people. | ||
| When I was a little boy, I was like 12, 13 years old, walking in a neighborhood with $1,000 in cash and passing it to this house. | ||
| But no one knew this, but this is how money marketing worked in the neighborhood. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Everybody was borrowing from somebody. | ||
| Could not work on a loan of $1,000. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Dude, that's interesting, man. | ||
| That's a really cool way to handle it. | ||
| That's a cool game. | ||
| Like a social game that everybody's playing with each other. | ||
| That's a cool way to do it. | ||
| I mean, comics could do it if they got together. | ||
| Oh, fuck yeah. | ||
| You can't pay a rent? | ||
| Okay, let's fight 10 people, put in $100 each. | ||
| That's a great idea, man. | ||
| That's a great idea. | ||
| And just pass it around. | ||
| That's a fucking great idea, man. | ||
| That's a social security that you'd be happy to contribute to. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Get a group of your friends and do that. | ||
| That's super smart. | ||
| Because then you get these little bursts of a big chunk of money. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| I like it. | ||
| That's a social thing, too, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I don't know who came up with it, but that's the thing we had. | ||
| But it's cool, like a cool social thing. | ||
| You know, it's something that keeps people communicating with each other and talking about shit and getting excited about it. | ||
| That's badass, man. | ||
| My mom was a hustler, man. | ||
| My mom sold. | ||
| We used to go to... | ||
| Because I live in Boyle Heights and we're next to downtown LA and there's so many, like... | ||
| So many fucking factories. | ||
| And... | ||
| My mom knew, like, she used to know where everything was. | ||
| We used to go to this one factory and this trash can would throw, they would, in a trash can, like in a bin, it was nothing but synthetic cotton. | ||
| So it was like this fake cotton made out of plastic. | ||
| We used to take it out of the trash and put it in hefty bags. | ||
| Then my mom would, we'd go home and my mom would sew them into pillowcases and we'd sew pillows. | ||
| Wow. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| That's hilarious. | ||
| Dude, you had a crazy life. | ||
| You know? | ||
| I couldn't imagine. | ||
| It's the hustle, man. | ||
| How did the little boy do pretending to be the little girl? | ||
| How did he do? | ||
| He's gay now, bro. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He was sucked into it. | |
| Do you think that he would have been gay either way? | ||
| You never know. | ||
| Is it possible? | ||
| He likes Daisy Deuce. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Maybe he was just gay. | ||
| Maybe that's why they chose him. | ||
| My brother, I had this joke, I had this story for many, many years, but I didn't know how to put it out there. | ||
| Then my brother, he told me, hey, you do that joke about how we crossed the border and my mom made me dress up like a little girl. | ||
| I said, are you sure, man? | ||
| Because people are going to call you and ask you if that really happened. | ||
| So what? | ||
| So yeah, I did it. | ||
| He didn't care. | ||
| And his husband was surprised. | ||
| My brother married to this city planner. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| But it's crazy, you know, Joe, like, how naive, you know, parents can be because my brother came out being a homosexual. | ||
| And my mom still goes, por qué? | ||
| Why? | ||
| And my father too, why? | ||
| Why? | ||
| Like, you can't figure it out, motherfucker. | ||
| You dressed up like a little girl when it was two, asshole. | ||
| Do you think that's possible? | ||
| Here's the thing. | ||
| It was destined maybe, I don't know. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It might be, but there is a possibility that people are malleable. | ||
| You can kind of steer them in different ways. | ||
| The question is, are those ways good or bad? | ||
| You know, if he's happy and he's gay and he became gay because he dressed him up as a little girl, if you really truly care about gay people, does that bother you? | ||
| It's a weird question, right? | ||
| It's like, well, man, I don't know. | ||
| Do you firmly believe in equality of sexual orientation? | ||
| If you firmly believe in total equality, you should have no issue with someone turning a little boy gay. | ||
| I mean, really? | ||
| But then there's a thing like, no, no, no, I want people to decide their own destiny, but no one decides their own destiny religiously, right? | ||
| Little kids get introduced into religion, but sexually is where it gets super important for us. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| We don't, let the boy be a boy! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah! | |
| Let him be a boy! | ||
| Don't fuck boys, son! | ||
| Hey! | ||
| Hey! | ||
| Get out of there! | ||
| Put the helmet on! | ||
| Stop staring at that Bull Jackson poster! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Get a motorcycle and fucking ride around with shirts off! | |
| Yeah, man, right? | ||
| It's like people get super scared if someone turned a kid gay. | ||
| Like, hey, what? | ||
| What happened? | ||
| What happened? | ||
| Some people, some parents now, they allow their kids to just be what they want to be. | ||
| But here's the thing. | ||
| I don't know if that's possible. | ||
| But I definitely think with no intervention, there's a lot of people that are just gay. | ||
| They're just gay. | ||
| Isn't there a spectrum of gay though, right? | ||
| There's levels, bro. | ||
| There's levels. | ||
| Well, I know because of my brother. | ||
| And it's not negative. | ||
| My brother's friends are really, really cool and they're really funny, but they're very flamboyant. | ||
| And my brother's not, at least not around us. | ||
| Who cares if he is though, right? | ||
| Yeah, who cares? | ||
| Yeah, that's a funny thing, man. | ||
| Like, flamboyant gay. | ||
| That's the gay I knew, you know, growing up. | ||
| The flamboyant one. | ||
| But we, like, we celebrate that, right? | ||
| Like, look at him! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Woo! | |
| You see a dude with, like, a halter top on. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Like, daisy dude cut-off shorts. | ||
| Like, rainbow-striped socks on. | ||
| You're like, get damned! | ||
| Go! | ||
| You go, boy! | ||
| Flamboyant gay. | ||
| We love flamboyant gay. | ||
| But a girl dressed like that is like, oh, you unfortunate. | ||
| You unfortunate child. | ||
| Like, look at you with your 17-inch pumps on, with your shorts up to crack your ass, with your tiny top on. | ||
| That is so sad that you need that much attention. | ||
| Isn't that weird? | ||
| Weird, man. | ||
| That's weird, man. | ||
| When it's a boy and he's gay, we fucking celebrate the shit out of it. | ||
| Look at him. | ||
| He's got all these crazy multicolored beads on and he's just fucking blaring gay. | ||
| Hell yeah. | ||
| He's at the rave. | ||
| But a girl that's just screaming out for dick. | ||
| Oh, you poor child. | ||
| You stop that. | ||
| Stop it. | ||
| You stop it. | ||
| What do you want? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sex? | |
| She's just like her mom. | ||
| You're not gonna get love that way. | ||
| You're not gonna get love. | ||
| You're just gonna get a bunch of guys that wanna fuck you. | ||
| There's a lot of pressure on those women, those girls, because I remember growing up, oh, she's a good girl, but she's a bad girl. | ||
| And only the bad girls ended up with the good girls. | ||
| If you were a good girl, I wouldn't be mad at you all the time, Melissa. | ||
| Melissa. | ||
| Melissa! | ||
| Why can't you be your cousin Jennifer? | ||
| She's a good girl. | ||
| I can't believe you did coke. | ||
| I can't believe my daughter did coke. | ||
| Dude. | ||
| People love coke. | ||
| They do. | ||
| You've never done this stuff, right? | ||
| No, I never fucked with it. | ||
| Just pot? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You never drink, right? | ||
| I drink. | ||
| I don't drink a lot, but I drink. | ||
| I see you drink a Bud Light once. | ||
| What? | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| It was probably one of my best, greatest memories, man, as a stand-up comedian. | ||
| Now you're drinking a Bud Light. | ||
| I was like, that's ridiculous. | ||
| It was like 1999, Thanksgiving. | ||
| It was like, you know, like Thanksgiving already passed. | ||
| And Friday, it was like, you know, the Friday after Thanksgiving, the Wednesday before Thanksgiving, it's always like the best days, man, for me. | ||
| Anybody. | ||
| And for comedy, too. | ||
| Especially the comedy show on Wednesday and then no work on the next day. | ||
| It's always the chicks everywhere, music. | ||
| It's a good time, man. | ||
| Drugs. | ||
| But this one particular time, my brother Fernando, I would say his name, whatever, I called him up. | ||
| Hey, we're going to go watch. | ||
| I have a show at the OR. And me and another comedian showed up. | ||
| And then we're going to go see you. | ||
| That's when you had your fucking hot-ass webpage, JoeRogan.net. | ||
| And you said you were going to perform. | ||
| So we went to go see you at the main room. | ||
| Right after our sets, you fucking crushed it. | ||
| You had that fucking beard bit. | ||
| It was hilarious. | ||
| You crushed it. | ||
| But then after what you said, I heard you tell somebody that we're going to go to the House of Blues because it was Chewy's birthday. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| So I said, fuck it. | ||
| Let's go, too. | ||
| So we all went, and we were across the street, man. | ||
| There were so many comedians of that time at the House of Blues. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Rick James showed up. | ||
| He started playing the piano. | ||
| That was the shit, man. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| Chewy did quite a few shows over there, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| How many shows did he do over there? | ||
| He did one every once a month on a Tuesday. | ||
| Dude, he was good. | ||
| And it was like, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. | ||
| This is Chewy, the dude who's the door guy at the Comedy Store, is a badass musician. | ||
| That song, Hey Chewy, What's Going On? | ||
| Hey Chewy! | ||
| That's a great fucking song. | ||
| That's a great song. | ||
| And I was sitting there going, how crazy is this? | ||
| We didn't know our friend Chewy has this special gift. | ||
| He was good. | ||
| He was good. | ||
| He was cool to watch, too. | ||
| It was a cool show. | ||
| We had a good fucking time. | ||
| He was a good musician, huh? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Dude. | |
| He's a real good musician and he's our friend. | ||
| So it was crazy. | ||
| It was both. | ||
| It was like you're seeing your friend on stage and then you're seeing your friend kill. | ||
| And you're like, damn, he's good. | ||
| This is good. | ||
| It was awesome. | ||
| I remember one time Dami Rara was doing his jokes at the ORN. He said, Hollywood's fucked up. | ||
| Like, that guy right there, Chewy. | ||
| He's a rockstar! | ||
| Rockstar! | ||
| Once a month. | ||
| Kills it! | ||
| Right now, he's telling me where to fucking park. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| I think you like working there too, to be honest. | ||
| He was a cool dude. | ||
| He held the ladder for me one night when I was putting the letters up. | ||
| I always enjoyed that guy. | ||
| He was always very cool to me too. | ||
| You know, some people were scared of Chewy. | ||
| Chewie and I always got along great. | ||
| He just looked like the wrong dude to fuck with. | ||
| He was like, Hillbilly Jim, but Mexican. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| But he's a gentleman. | ||
| Always a gentleman. | ||
| If you're a good guy to Chewie, he's a great guy to you. | ||
| But he's a talented musician, man. | ||
| It was crazy to watch. | ||
| It's crazy to watch your friend just killing it at the House of Blues after you just say, what's up? | ||
| What's up, Chewie? | ||
| You know that song? | ||
| But that song, hey, Chewie, what's going on? | ||
| That's like, he made a really good song about how people interacted with him. | ||
| He put the toe on his shoulders, right? | ||
| Did he? | ||
| Kind of. | ||
| I'm trying to remember. | ||
| He definitely lifted it up a little. | ||
| He was fucking great, man. | ||
| He was great. | ||
| He was a guy that I would actually go see. | ||
| I was like, this is amazing. | ||
| The whole thing I liked about being a comedian, when I was younger, there was always something to do afterwards. | ||
| It was crazy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But sometimes you go to dark areas, if you want to party hard. | ||
| I had a gig one time. | ||
| I was doing a show in Montebello. | ||
| Remember Willy Barsana? | ||
| Yeah, dude. | ||
| Willy Barsana had that crazy ass fucking wild coyotes for 11 years. | ||
| And somebody came in and said, I think this comedian Yorsi said, hey man, there's this guy that's looking for comedians to perform at three in the morning. | ||
| A hundred bucks. | ||
| And I said, fuck it. | ||
| I ain't doing shit. | ||
| I ain't got life. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Three in the morning? | |
| I ain't doing shit. | ||
| I ain't got life. | ||
| So he gave me the address and we get there. | ||
| There's like an undercover police officer, security guard. | ||
| It's his house in Burbank. | ||
| And we perform at three in the morning for them. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| In their house? | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| What? | ||
| Joe, the house was built for like partying like 80s style where like you don't even know what time it is. | ||
| Like... | ||
| Like, the curtains were, they had curtains all over the house. | ||
| You couldn't see the sun come in no more. | ||
| Really? | ||
| So it lit perfectly. | ||
| Like, the house looked like at 5 p.m. | ||
| all day. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And all over the house, there was drugs, but they were not openly out there for everybody to take. | ||
| Only for people who knew what was going on. | ||
| He had liquid coke there. | ||
| You know the nasal sprays? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He had those filled with water and coke. | ||
| Because when you do coke sometimes, the coke gets stuck in your nose. | ||
| So you gotta pour a little water to help it go down. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| But this guy had little squeeze bottles all over the house. | ||
| Like nasal sprays. | ||
| So I would see people lean over in the crack of the house and then grab something. | ||
| So then I found out where it was, and instead of just putting it back, I just walked it with it. | ||
| I kept it. | ||
| Goddamn. | ||
| I stood at that house till 11.30 in the morning. | ||
| And I got there at 2 in the morning. | ||
| But this is funny. | ||
| The guy who owned the house, he had nobody cleaning the house. | ||
| So everybody, like, if you grab a little bit from his house, like... | ||
| Like if Joe Rogan picked up those beers and threw them in a trash can, he'll give you points. | ||
| Like Dougie points. | ||
| His name was Doug. | ||
| And he'll give you like, Joe Rogan got three Dougie points. | ||
| So if you get like, so this house, you got invited to the house by text because Doug knows you. | ||
| But he doesn't know you. | ||
| Someone else invites you. | ||
| But now that you got points, you know, enough Dougie points, you get a personal call. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| That was crazy. | ||
| There was a guy walking around who looked like Marilyn Manson. | ||
| But it wasn't Marilyn Manson. | ||
| Just looked like him. | ||
| Yeah, he was just hired for the show, I guess, for the party. | ||
| Dude, I hate to bring up this thing with your brother again, though. | ||
| Bring it up. | ||
| But this is... | ||
| Do you think it is possible, really, that if someone dresses their kid up, all jokes aside, is that possible? | ||
| That if you dress your kid up as a girl for, like, a little bit and coach him into acting like a girl, that it turns him gay? | ||
| I don't... | ||
| Honestly, all jokes aside, I don't really think it works like that. | ||
| Did he stop right when they got here? | ||
| Or did he keep playing that way? | ||
| No. | ||
| I don't think he stopped. | ||
| He was like a male afterwards. | ||
| But it could have been a total coincidence. | ||
| I think it was probably coincidence. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It just happened. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But nobody wants to think that people are that susceptible. | ||
| But they definitely are in some ways, right? | ||
| Maybe not sexually, because that seems to be like a biological thing. | ||
| But in terms of like behavior... | ||
| Racism, for sure, right? | ||
| Racism carries from parent to child pretty well. | ||
| If they have a good relationship with their parents and their parents are racist, that shit will carry in. | ||
| Because a lot of people who are racist, they still love their kids. | ||
| So they're really good to their kids, but they're racist. | ||
| So their kids associate really good love with family, also with distrust of certain groups and colors. | ||
| And that's almost a thing that they're taught by the people that care about them. | ||
| Like wild animals, man. | ||
| They're taught wild animal behavior by their parents. | ||
| And that's the same shit with people. | ||
| It's a weird thing, man. | ||
| It's a weird thing that human beings are malleable. | ||
| You can get them to behave a certain way in Iceland, but then a different way in Brazil, or a certain way in Japan, and a different way in China. | ||
| I was in China recently. | ||
| One of the things that's crazy is when you're around large groups of people, they just walk in front of you, man. | ||
| They just walk through you. | ||
| They walk through little kids. | ||
| They walk through everybody. | ||
| And it's not rude. | ||
| It's just they have a different way of moving around because there's so many people in so many spots in China. | ||
| They're not being rude. | ||
| They don't consider it rude. | ||
| It's just different. | ||
| They're just trying to get there and they don't mind if everybody bumps into each other a little bit. | ||
| We're like... | ||
| You touched me. | ||
| Oh, I can't believe this. | ||
| That guy touched me with his hand as he walked by. | ||
| In China, they're fucking headbutting each other. | ||
| But they're not doing it mean. | ||
| They're just kind of going through each other. | ||
| They don't mind touching each other. | ||
| You see an opening. | ||
| They're going in that opening. | ||
| You don't own the space in front of you, bitch. | ||
| There's a little spot. | ||
| I'm going to go in there. | ||
| Boom. | ||
| And they don't think it's a bad thing. | ||
| They do it here, too. | ||
| Chinese people do? | ||
| Oh yeah, Asian people, Armenian people, older people, we're trying to catch the bus, we're all trying to catch the bus, and they run. | ||
| They rush in front of me, they don't say excuse me. | ||
| That's why I learned how to say excuse me in Armenian. | ||
| You know when people don't mind being jammed up like that? | ||
| In the winter, in Boston, when they get on the T. You know those trains, like if you leave in Fenway Park, and it's like... | ||
| Fucking zero degrees outside in the winter and you get on the T together and Especially if it's sunny out so nobody feels creepy about it and they shut those doors and everybody's just jammed in there huddled together like penguins Yeah, you don't mind you don't mind you're fucking freezing So everybody has more of a sense of that's like a big problem with LA. It's too easy to just live here It's too easy to like physically survive. | ||
| It's too hot The heat's one thing, but you can get by, you get used to that. | ||
| You can't get used to the cold. | ||
| You can't do it. | ||
| You can't stay out there. | ||
| The heat's way easier. | ||
| You could stay out there. | ||
| If you have a shade and you have some water, you can live. | ||
| You literally can't live in Boston outside. | ||
| No, you can't. | ||
| You can't go to sleep there. | ||
| If you go to sleep there, you'll die. | ||
| You won't make it. | ||
| It's zero degrees out. | ||
| You're not going to make it. | ||
| You can't just sleep on the ground when it's 30 below zero, like in Alaska or some shit. | ||
| Can't even panhandle in that code. | ||
| No. | ||
| And you've got to be a hardy motherfucker to survive those places. | ||
| It's too easy to survive LA. We don't have enough interaction with nature. | ||
| We got a distorted sense of where we sit in this whole thing. | ||
| You want nature? | ||
| Go to Griffith Park. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We don't even have bugs, man. | ||
| When I was in Thailand, they got crazy bugs, dude. | ||
| Bugs that bite the fuck out of you. | ||
| We got these little weird bites all over you and mosquitoes are ferocious. | ||
| Those are real bugs, man. | ||
| We got here roaches. | ||
| We got nothing. | ||
| We got a few roaches. | ||
| We barely have any flies. | ||
| We ain't got shit. | ||
| No bugs want a part of this crazy dry air. | ||
| We're super lucky, man. | ||
| Bugs don't like dry air. | ||
| Bugs are like, ugh. | ||
| The crawly ones don't seem to mind, but the flyy ones, they fucking hate dry air. | ||
| We got lots of hummingbirds eating them up, too. | ||
| Do we do? | ||
| There's not lots of hummingbirds anywhere else I've lived like there is here. | ||
| We rehabbed a hummingbird in my house and released it. | ||
| The girls found a hummingbird that was wounded and they nursed it back to health and then re-released it in the wild. | ||
| We have little hummingbird feeders in the backyard. | ||
| Dude, hummingbirds are the coolest little animals ever. | ||
| They're so weird. | ||
| I'll put up a video of this hummingbird. | ||
| It's so cute. | ||
| They fed it sugar water. | ||
| You fly super fast, right? | ||
| Dude, they fly so fast. | ||
| If you see it with stop-motion or slow-motion photography, slow-motion videos, you can't believe how fast it is. | ||
| You're watching and you're like, whoa, that's insane. | ||
| What kind of animal evolved like that? | ||
| Little tiny wings and they're going like a fucking billion miles an hour. | ||
| Look at that thing in slow-mo. | ||
| See if you can find one. | ||
| There's no animal like that. | ||
| Imagine if an eagle did that. | ||
| Imagine how fucked everything would be if an eagle could move like a hummingbird. | ||
| Just a giant flying thing with knives for fingers, and it's just snatching fish out of water, and it's as big as a turkey, and it moves like a hummingbird. | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| If you think about it, that's what a tiger is, right? | ||
| A tiger is a big thing that moves insanely fast. | ||
| Look how little those wings are. | ||
| I've never seen their wings until now. | ||
| Dude, those wings are so small that if they were in a superhero, if I saw a superhero and the body was that big and the wings were that small, I'd be like, that bitch couldn't fly. | ||
| Get out of here. | ||
| That wouldn't even work, bro. | ||
| Dynamically, look how small the wings are. | ||
| Look how big the body is. | ||
| It's fucking stupid. | ||
| Look how little those wings are, man. | ||
| If you went to, like, one of those hot wings places and they gave you a wing like that, you'd be so angry. | ||
| Oh, hell no. | ||
| Who are these for? | ||
| Those are the tiniest little wings. | ||
| Such a small little animal, but they're so adorable. | ||
| They have no legs, huh? | ||
| They have legs. | ||
| Yeah, they're just tucked in. | ||
| They're tucked in the back. | ||
| See it? | ||
| Little tiny. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They're so beautiful. | ||
| Such an unusual little bird, too. | ||
| Who eats them? | ||
| Oh, I'm sure everything they can. | ||
| I'm sure they're snackadishes. | ||
| But I think good luck catching them. | ||
| Good luck catching that little fucker. | ||
| I told you I was listening to that Leonardo book the other day, and one of the weird things in the beginning it mentions is that he had a very weird fascination, or it was written in one of his notebooks, that he wanted to... | ||
| I think he wanted to describe the tongue of a woodpecker. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| But this is obviously in the 1400s, where you'd have to catch the woodpecker, kill it, dissect it, and then do the descriptions yourself. | ||
| And I guess he does have descriptions of it, which at that time are so descriptive, you would have to be a scientist like he was. | ||
| It's really crazy. | ||
| I wonder how you would catch a woodpecker. | ||
| How do you catch one of those fuckers? | ||
| How he thought of that. | ||
| What was making him... | ||
| Do you think he just shot it out of the sky? | ||
| He probably came up with a trap of some kind, I bet. | ||
| I guess, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Imagine those dudes that were just like... | ||
| Initially studying species is like imagine just Like writing down drawing pictures of a cat that you just found in the fucking jungle Like being one of those guys are the first people to document what animals exist out there Because like how long have we known how long have we had a good sense of what animals exist out there? | ||
| How many years has it been, you think, that people have a good sense of all the animals in the world? | ||
| Like right now, we know about giant bears that live in Russia, right? | ||
| We know about Komodo dragons. | ||
| We know about Nile crocodiles. | ||
| We know about African lions. | ||
| We know about all these animals that exist because we've got all the videos and the information. | ||
| But how long has that been a thing? | ||
| How long have people known what was in all these different spots? | ||
| Has it been 2,000 years? | ||
| Has it been three? | ||
| How many thousand years? | ||
| Reliable information, no krakens, no fucking sea dragons. | ||
| Stop. | ||
| You're making shit up. | ||
| What did you really see? | ||
| How long has it been where we have a detailed account of what animals exist? | ||
| How long has it been a pen or something to write on? | ||
| What was the first thing they ever wrote? | ||
| Writing, I think, was like the Middle East. | ||
| I think it was all like Sumer and those places. | ||
| I think that's where they think it came from. | ||
| You ever see that writing, man? | ||
| Dude, it's crazy looking. | ||
| It's called cuneiform. | ||
| It looks like nails. | ||
| It looks like they're old-school-y carpenter nails. | ||
| And they're going left and right and up and down. | ||
| They have an alphabet, too? | ||
| Yeah, look at it. | ||
| Oh, wow! | ||
| That's I think I'm you know, obviously I'm not an expert But I think they believe this is the oldest written language. | ||
| See if that's true Is cuneiform the oldest written language? | ||
| They think that was where it started that it started with these little like they look like nails Look at that shit, dude It's such a fantastic looking language because it almost looks like some crazy computer code or something. | ||
| And it's funny how this kind of language, someone who's bored in prison will pick it up and learn how to write like this with another inmate and give each other messages so the guards will know. | ||
| Look what it says. | ||
| This is the one. | ||
| It's called Tamil. | ||
| Tamil. | ||
| Okay, the oldest language comes from Sri Lanka, Singapore, and two Indian states. | ||
| Tamil is still spoken by approximately 70 million people across the world. | ||
| Tamil is one of the oldest literary canons of any knowledge in the world. | ||
| With the earliest piece of Tamil writing Sangram literature dating to approximately 300 BCE. So that's 300 years before current era. | ||
| That's not super old. | ||
| See, the language I think Sumerian is. | ||
| So there it says Sumerian. | ||
| First developed 3200 BC. Okay. | ||
| So I think they're saying, what's the oldest language that's active in the world? | ||
| And that's Tamil. | ||
| And that comes from 300 BC. But the Sumerian language, yeah, is the oldest shit ever. | ||
| So that's what we saw. | ||
| That's cuneiform. | ||
| So it was created using a reed stylus to make wedge-shaped indentations in clay tablets. | ||
| So they think, as far as they know, that's the oldest shit. | ||
| So that's only 5,300 something years? | ||
| Do you think they developed it to record transactions, to keep track of money, or to talk? | ||
| Do you think which was more important to them at the time? | ||
| Transactions? | ||
| Could be probably everything. | ||
| Writing things down. | ||
| Try to figure out what animal did not eat. | ||
| You know, try to figure out what makes people sick. | ||
| Keep track of who paid taxes, who didn't. | ||
| So 3200 BC, what is that? | ||
| That's 5,218 years ago? | ||
| Wow. | ||
| That seems so recent. | ||
| Think about that. | ||
| Think about that, man. | ||
| 5,000 years ago, they figured out how to write shit down. | ||
| Like, what are you saying? | ||
| What did they do before then? | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| And nobody hand-ranks no more. | ||
| I barely handwrite. | ||
| I suck at it so hard. | ||
| Nobody cursive. | ||
| They don't even teach it no more, I think. | ||
| When I write, my handwriting deteriorates rapidly with every stroke. | ||
| I barely do it anymore. | ||
| You still do this? | ||
| No, I don't. | ||
| Logos? | ||
| What is that logo? | ||
| Remember the old S? You do that. | ||
| I used to just do the S in high school when I was bored. | ||
| Like the Superman logo? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Remember that? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I used to do all the band names. | ||
| Like band logos. | ||
| Ozzy. | ||
| Van Halen. | ||
| I used to do the V in the, you know, the... | ||
| The other day when we were talking about George Washington, I saw a fact and I was trying to bring it up in time, but I had to go back and find it and I just remembered it because of what you're talking about. | ||
| Do you know when the first dinosaur bones were discovered? | ||
| Dude, we talked about this once. | ||
| I don't remember though. | ||
| It was more recent than I ever thought. | ||
| Like 1824. Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Something crazy like that. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| He was already present and done with all of that. | ||
| Everything that they had written and talked about and everything we go back and discuss was all before they even knew dinosaurs even existed almost. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| It's really crazy. | ||
| Yeah, it is really crazy. | ||
| It's hard to believe. | ||
| I mean, imagine you have, like, okay, we think we got an understanding of what is here and what's been here has probably been similar to what's here. | ||
| What the fuck is this? | ||
| And they find a bone that's as big as a bus. | ||
| They're like, wait a minute, what the fuck is this? | ||
| That probably would have freaked me out. | ||
| Dude, imagine you find a bone as big as a bus, and you're like, holy shit, this is one animal? | ||
| What is this? | ||
| This is a leg? | ||
| What? | ||
| Is there another one? | ||
| You keep getting bigger and bigger pieces, and then you realize you have a brontosaurus. | ||
| Just imagine finding all that shit, not knowing it exists, and going, what the fuck is this thing that looks like a rib? | ||
| What is this thing? | ||
| And not knowing how big the world is, so you think there's another one around somewhere that's alive. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, yeah, man. | ||
| They sent David Spade, or David Spade, Jesus Christ. | ||
| They sent David Cho. | ||
| They sent David Cho to the Congo in Vice. | ||
| This is how I found out about Dave. | ||
| And then I found out about him again from Bourdain was telling me how amazing he is. | ||
| They sent David Cho. | ||
| David Cho was already rich at the time. | ||
| This is how crazy David Cho is. | ||
| He was wealthy as fuck. | ||
| Like, he didn't have to do anything. | ||
| He'd already made a gang of money like gambling and shit. | ||
| And he decides to go down to the Congo to go looking for a fucking dinosaur, man. | ||
| It's the craziest episode of Vice. | ||
| Because these people, some people that live there, or at least they're saying they're convinced that there's... | ||
| I mean, they could be just fucking with white people. | ||
| That could be a thing too, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| This could be fucking with Westerners. | ||
| Some Korean kid comes by and they're like, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll show you where the fucking dinosaur is. | ||
| That was the last thing I was going to add about the Da Vinci thing. | ||
| He used to fuck with his friends with a lizard dressed up like a little baby dragon. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And he'd freak them out and like, look what I found, look what I got. | |
| Ah, Da Vinci did that? | ||
| You'd have to believe him because he's fucking Da Vinci. | ||
| Right. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| Add things to creatures, pretend he's found a new species. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Look at Dave. | ||
| He was young as fuck, too, man. | ||
| This was a long-ass time ago. | ||
| And he went to the jungle. | ||
| Went looking for these supposed brontosauruses that people see in the jungle. | ||
| Can you imagine if they found one? | ||
| I mean, there's not enough jungle to hide someone else credible. | ||
| Someone would get a picture. | ||
| Everyone has a phone now, even people that live in the jungle. | ||
| Where would it hide? | ||
| It would hide in the jungle. | ||
| You would have to... | ||
| Damn! | ||
| Or a cave in the water? | ||
| There would have to be an enormous area where people never go for a big thing to be alive today that people don't know about. | ||
| They'll find, like, a new deer. | ||
| You know, they'll find a new deer sometimes. | ||
| Like, oh, look at this. | ||
| A new frog. | ||
| Yeah, we found a new deer. | ||
| This is incredible. | ||
| It's in the jungles of Cambodia. | ||
| It's a subspecies of this deer. | ||
| Rare footage shows the last surviving member of an uncontacted Amazon tribe. | ||
| Yeah, I saw this. | ||
| This poor dude. | ||
| He's the last of the Mohicans. | ||
| Meanwhile, that's a cameraman. | ||
| That's a cameraman. | ||
| They fucking gave him 50 bucks. | ||
| Just go out there and beat some trees. | ||
| I'm going to get some footage. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Looks like Blair Witch Project and have you just whack it against a tree. | |
| I'm going to say you're the last surviving. | ||
| Bro, we're going to get paid for this. | ||
| Come on, bro. | ||
| You look like an old fucking guy that lives in the jungle. | ||
| Just do it. | ||
| 50 bucks, dude. | ||
| I'll give you 50 bucks. | ||
| What else are you going to do today? | ||
| It says they've been tracking him since the 90s. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Homeboy's been living by himself since the 90s. | ||
| We got a weird problem with that, right? | ||
| Like, poor guy. | ||
| What if he dies out there like that? | ||
| Well, he's going to die here in a different way. | ||
| What are you talking about? | ||
| He's going to be sad living alone. | ||
| If he's sad, he's sad. | ||
| If he saw those people with cameras, he'd probably chase Adam with a blow dart. | ||
| You know? | ||
| If he embraced it. | ||
| Poison dart. | ||
| What a way to go. | ||
| Got himself a nice pair of Nikes. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Little Gucci fanny pack. | ||
| Come out of the woods, bro. | ||
| He shot at someone in 2005, or he wounded someone with an arrow. | ||
| Oh, Jesus. | ||
| Oh, fuck. | ||
| Yeah, you don't want that, man. | ||
| That guy's gonna shoot arrows at you. | ||
| Imagine that, he's a criminal. | ||
| They haven't even gone and gotten him. | ||
| Shooting arrows at people, you son of a bitch. | ||
| Yeah, that dude ain't wanting to get saved. | ||
| But it's funny, man. | ||
| We look at people that live in a way that's different than the way we live. | ||
| We're like, oh, we got to save them. | ||
| We got to save them. | ||
| We got to bring them over to the good side. | ||
| I know. | ||
| We got to save him, but someone living in their car, he's fine. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| Someone living in their car is fine. | ||
| That guy that's camping under the freeway, normal. | ||
| Normal. | ||
| Super normal. | ||
| There was a guy living across the street from my house when I was living in Echo Park. | ||
| He was living inside of a bobo. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| Here's the thing, right? | ||
| They let Native American tribes control giant chunks of land. | ||
| They give them reservations in the 18-whatever it was. | ||
| It was like 1865 or some shit where they did all this. | ||
| The worst land ever, too. | ||
| Nothing grows. | ||
| They didn't give them any of the good spots. | ||
| So they give them all the... | ||
| Like, think... | ||
| When did that happen? | ||
| Let's find out first. | ||
| That was... | ||
| My question would be, would you ever allow them to live... | ||
| The March of Tears, right? | ||
| 1887. What is it? | ||
| 1887. 1887. Dawes Act. | ||
| Wow, that's crazy. | ||
| But would they allow them to live like they lived before the Europeans intervened? | ||
| Like, if you really just left them alone... | ||
| And they live like fucking horseback, trading animals for bullets. | ||
| They really live like they lived back then. | ||
| Indian land for sale. | ||
| Fine lands in the West. | ||
| This is a crazy ad. | ||
| Grazing. | ||
| Get a home of your own. | ||
| Easy payments. | ||
| Perfect title. | ||
| Possession within 30 days. | ||
| Indian land for sale. | ||
| Is this real? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| This is a real ad that they had back then? | ||
| It's from Nebraska's website. | ||
| This is the next art for the studio. | ||
| We need that. | ||
| We need that. | ||
| Indian land for sale. | ||
| Make a reservation. | ||
| We need that framed on the wall. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How much is the land? | |
| That's what we need. | ||
| We need that framed. | ||
| Dude, that ain't that long ago, man. | ||
| That is not that long ago. | ||
| That is a crazy thing. | ||
| It's like, look, we captured this shit from these people, now we'll sell it to you. | ||
| Who wants to buy it? | ||
| There's a picture of the dude we jacked. | ||
| They got a picture of the dude they jacked. | ||
| There's a previous owner. | ||
| This is the previous owner. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| $20 an acre in Wyoming. | ||
| Do you think that they have... | ||
| $20 an acre? | ||
| How much is that now? | ||
| $20 an acre? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Right now? | ||
| I mean, it depends on where it is. | ||
| If it's in Beverly Hills, it's probably $14 million. | ||
| Why in Oregon? | ||
| $15 an acre. | ||
| $15 an acre in Oregon. | ||
| But look at the dude. | ||
| They got the most regal-looking Native American. | ||
| Looks like a chief... | ||
| A shot cutter. | ||
| Look at his image. | ||
| Perfect representation of an elder, like a wise, powerful, old Indian, like a chief. | ||
| Right? | ||
| He looks like the dude that'd be running shit. | ||
| Like, we got it from this dude. | ||
| We got the prime cuts, baby. | ||
| We got the fucking tomahawk ribeye with the bone. | ||
| Come on, bro. | ||
| It's for you. | ||
| Indian land. | ||
| The best. | ||
| Nothing but the best. | ||
| We got it off that guy. | ||
| Look at him. | ||
| We got it from the highest guy in the totem pole. | ||
| Could you imagine if there was parts of this country where people decided to live like the Native Americans live, straight up, full stop. | ||
| They wore animal skins. | ||
| They tanned from shooting them with bows and arrows. | ||
| They made their own bows and arrows. | ||
| They did everything the way that the people did before the Europeans arrived. | ||
| They say, fuck your technology. | ||
| Fuck your laws. | ||
| Fuck your bullshit. | ||
| Just give us a fertile... | ||
| This gigantic swath of land that we could live like we lived before. | ||
| And then people just gravitate to that. | ||
| Do you know how crazy that would be? | ||
| People would fuck it up though. | ||
| They would do a reality show of it. | ||
| They would have some of the horses would have like fucking cameras and you see people running around. | ||
| It would be that fucking Westworld and shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Dicks flopping out of loincloths. | ||
| And people would have to kill people the way they killed people back then too. | ||
| They'd have to have duels and shit. | ||
| Scalp them. | ||
| I don't know who invented scalping. | ||
| Do you think scalping was invented by the Native Americans or was it invented by the white people? | ||
| By the white people. | ||
| We covered this one. | ||
| They used to collect them. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| In a bag. | ||
| Well, was it their idea first? | ||
| I wonder whose idea it was first. | ||
| Because some of the shit that people do in war, they'll copy shit from the enemy, too. | ||
| Like, if the enemy's doing it, we'll fucking do it, too. | ||
| Genghis Khan must have did it first. | ||
| Oh, he did the worst shit of all time. | ||
| Brutal. | ||
| You ever listen to that Dan Carlin Hardcore History series on him? | ||
| Dude, after the show, I'm going to send it to you. | ||
| Not yet. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| You've got to listen to it. | ||
| It's nuts. | ||
| If you've got the time, because it's like five parts. | ||
| And you get sucked in, but it just shows you how insane that guy and his family were and what the empire that he created. | ||
| This one guy, his real name is Tumujin, I think it was. | ||
| They had crossbows, right? | ||
| They had all kinds of shit. | ||
| They had catapults that they would light human bodies on fire. | ||
| They would. | ||
| They were quick at shooting arrows while a horseback, right? | ||
| That's what saved him. | ||
| Well, that was one of their strategies, but they were extremely stout people. | ||
| They were very, very strong people, apparently. | ||
| All I know about, just full disclosure, all I know about is what I learned from Dan Carlin's Hardcore History Podcast and a couple of articles. | ||
| I've never really read that much about the Mongols. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What he said was that they had these bows that required 160 pounds to pull back, which is just insane. | ||
| So they must be shooting heavier arrows that could kill people better than anything the smaller people or the weaker people would possess. | ||
| And they were a nomadic horse people. | ||
| So they were traveling around living in tents, like they despise people that live in cities. | ||
| They were just the strongest, most ruthless army the world had ever seen at the time. | ||
| Nobody had ever seen anything like this. | ||
| They killed millions of people. | ||
| New York Times had an article that said they killed so many people, they changed the carbon footprint of the earth. | ||
| There was less people, a noticeable number. | ||
| If you go and you look through the ice core samples, and they're starting to attribute it, or some people at least are attributing that, to Genghis Khan killing somewhere in the neighborhood of 10% of the population on earth. | ||
| Damn. | ||
| One out of ten. | ||
| He killed more people than AIDS. Yeah, definitely, right? | ||
| How many people did AIDS kill, if you had to guess? | ||
| Someone was just talking about that recently and saying no one should die from HIV anymore. | ||
| No one should die of AIDS. It literally shouldn't have to happen anymore. | ||
| Isn't that crazy? | ||
| Just take medication now. | ||
| When we were kids, everybody was terrified of AIDS. AIDS was a death sentence. | ||
| While eating Twinkies. | ||
| Terrified of AIDS. While eating the thing that's slowly killing you. | ||
| Terrified of getting some AIDS. One little kid gets it, everybody doesn't want to go to school no more. | ||
| Remember that one kid? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They stopped going to school. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The magic got it and everybody was alright. | ||
| Magic got it. | ||
| I remember being in my car. | ||
| I was in my car. | ||
| I was living in Revere, Massachusetts. | ||
| Revere? | ||
| Yeah, this... | ||
| Apartment complex and I was driving my car and I was on the high I was on the road listening to the radio like you know you see where the traffic lights are you see you remember it's like burned in your brain like ah Magic Johnson has AIDS what in my car what? | ||
| What? | ||
| I remember thinking like it was a scene in a vampire, a monster movie or something. | ||
| Like a zombie outbreak. | ||
| Like, oh my god! | ||
| Now it's reached one of the greatest basketball players of all time? | ||
| This is insane! | ||
| Are people gonna just start dropping off like flies now? | ||
| Are people gonna start... | ||
| Did you start wearing condoms right away afterwards? | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| Me neither. | ||
| Do you? | ||
| No. | ||
| People are animals, bro. | ||
|
unidentified
|
People are savage. | |
| They're savage. | ||
| I mean, there's a reason why there's seven billion of us. | ||
| People need to stop pretending that when they're fully aroused that they're thinking straight. | ||
| You're operating at about 10% of your normal resources. | ||
| You're like, AIDS, whatever. | ||
| Who's got AIDS? You still got aced after they got rid of it with a code. | ||
| Well, you know, it's crazy that it was just primarily gay people and drug users that were getting it. | ||
| What a weird disease, man. | ||
| That's a weird one, man. | ||
| That's a strange thing when your body starts weakening and shutting down. | ||
| Like, whoa! | ||
| But when you really think about the actual danger and death, like I think even while AIDS was in its height of killing people, I don't think it was killing people as much as the flu was, right? | ||
| The numbers I'm finding now are depending on worldwide or US. So worldwide, tuberculosis is now killing more people than AIDS. But this says that only 1.1 million people today in the US are living with AIDS. And I think I saw... | ||
| But living with AIDS is like you're at the border of getting AIDS. Is that what it is? | ||
| It's like... | ||
| You have, supposedly, this is, again, I'm not a doctor, right? | ||
| Supposedly, it's like you have HIV, your immune system gets weakened, you catch AIDS, which is Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome, which means your T-cell levels have reached a certain count where they identify it as AIDS, right? | ||
| Yeah, I actually did type in AIDS and this is going to HIV, so... | ||
| So there's... | ||
| They're definitely connected. | ||
| So it's not people that also their immune system fails that's outside of HIV. Yeah, so I clicked on this. | ||
| I'll show you what I clicked on. | ||
| So I typed in that in and this is showing this. | ||
| It says that 1.2 million people have received an AIDS diagnosis since the early 80s. | ||
| Since the early 80s. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| So 1 million people and there have been 12,000. | ||
| In 2014 there were 12,333 deaths. | ||
| Due to any cause of people with diagnosed HIV infection ever classified as AIDS and... | ||
| What does that mean? | ||
| That's a weird way of saying it. | ||
| I'll say it again. | ||
| It says there were 12,333 deaths due to any cause of people with diagnosed HIV infection ever classified as AIDS. Isn't that a strange way of saying that? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't know what that means. | ||
| You mean you could lose the classification if your immune system gets strong enough? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It says, with diagnosed HIV infection ever classified as AIDS. Okay. | ||
| I don't know, maybe I'm too stupid for that. | ||
| Yeah, because what I also saw was that a million people died last year from it, but that would be worldwide. | ||
| And this then contradicts, because it says a million people have only been diagnosed, and this is only in the U.S., and that other numbers worldwide, so it gets really sketchy. | ||
| And it says 6,721 deaths were attributed directly to HIV. Yeah. | ||
| So, it seems that they definitely think it's still killing people. | ||
| It definitely still is. | ||
| Tuberculosis? | ||
| Yeah, it's so high. | ||
| How many people die from the flu every year? | ||
| What do you think would be the most ruthless, normal killer? | ||
| Would it be the flu? | ||
| The flu would kill the most people? | ||
| 36,000. | ||
| Way more people got jacked by the flu. | ||
| This is every year. | ||
| Every year. | ||
| And what was the number? | ||
| The AIDS number was total, right? | ||
| How many of those people got flu shots, though? | ||
| What is it? | ||
| This was 2014, so it's a third or so. | ||
| So what's a third? | ||
| AIDS to the flu. | ||
| AIDS is about one-third of the deaths of the flu per year-ish, on average. | ||
| I don't know if... | ||
| Isn't that interesting? | ||
| It's like, we're not scared of the thing that kills us way more. | ||
| We're really scared of the thing that kills less people because it kills them through butt sex. | ||
| That's what it is! | ||
| It has to be! | ||
| We're terrified that it kills people through sex. | ||
| Because the flu, it seems, is like, we should really be concentrating on that thing. | ||
| That thing's killing way more people. | ||
| People not washing their hands. | ||
| But they're like, look, we can't stop that. | ||
| But we can't stop all this buttex. | ||
| It's weird, right? | ||
| It's weird, like, when we... | ||
| Maybe it's just because it's a new thing that was killing people. | ||
| Because it didn't exist, and then it did exist. | ||
| That's probably what it is, right? | ||
| Yeah, because it came out of nowhere. | ||
| Because it was in, like, what was it, during the 80s? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| And Eddie Murphy said, and you're walking around with that 80s on your lip. | ||
| Oh, was that... | ||
| Delirious. | ||
| Do you remember Sam Kinison's bit on it? | ||
| No. | ||
| He goes, they say, Sam, you shouldn't make fun of AIDS. AIDS, Sam, is a communicable disease. | ||
| Straight people can get it too. | ||
| He goes, name one! | ||
| Name one fucking guy! | ||
| It's not our dance! | ||
| He had this crazy, dangerous bit about it, like, way back then, like, whoa. | ||
| It's like zero in around like 1980. I don't know if that's accurate, but... | ||
| So 1980 was the highest peak? | ||
| Maybe it's in thousands, so... | ||
| Yeah, it seems like... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Or 19 is low, so the highest was around 91. It seems like late 70s, right? | |
| Is that somewhere around 1980? | ||
| The one thing, too, I read that there was around 300,000 total deaths, and a third of them were in New York. | ||
| 300,000 total deaths, a third in New York, and the flu... | ||
| This is all told ever. | ||
| Again, these stats are all on multiple pages, so I think so. | ||
| How many of the... | ||
| See, I get so confused about all this shit, because some people believe that a lot of these people also are shooting heroin, a lot of these people are also doing a lot of drugs. | ||
| I would wonder, you know, if they're really partying hard and they also get AIDS, I would always wonder, like, how much of you partying hard is destroying your immune system, too? | ||
| Like, if you have a disease, like, say you have cancer... | ||
| And you're struggling with cancer, and you just decide to hardcore start smoking meth, and then you die from the cancer. | ||
| Like, didn't something else kill you too? | ||
| Right? | ||
| Not saying that the cancer's good for you, cancer's certainly bad for you, but if you have cancer and you just decide to go on a meth binge, And destroy your immune system. | ||
| It's got to contribute to your health. | ||
| But we don't consider that. | ||
| We don't consider, oh, the fucking cancer got him. | ||
| Cancer got him. | ||
| It did get him. | ||
| It definitely did get him. | ||
| But he was also smoking meth all day. | ||
| Feeling good. | ||
| Doing robberies. | ||
| Dude, robberies with fucking skulls painted on his forehead. | ||
| Getting bites at 7-11. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| He was amped. | ||
| Dude was amped with cancer. | ||
| That's also, I mean, if he dies of a heart attack, like, oh, the cancer gave him a heart attack. | ||
| Yeah, probably. | ||
| That probably had something to do with it. | ||
| Definitely was not good. | ||
| It's definitely not good to have cancer. | ||
| But it's also not good to be smoking meth while you have cancer. | ||
| Smoking bath, that's bad. | ||
| So how many of these people that got AIDS were like extremely healthy folks that like, you know, jogged on a regular basis and ate a lot of fruit and vegetables? | ||
| It's not really hard to get that data. | ||
| I know, I would like to get that data. | ||
| This is not like a prejudiced perspective. | ||
| I'm just curious person. | ||
| I would like to get all that. | ||
| I would like to know what is it that actually does it? | ||
| Is it Is it the meth that kills you? | ||
| Is it a disease that kills you? | ||
| Is it a combination of all these things? | ||
| We always want to attribute death to one thing. | ||
| But I would imagine that. | ||
| With all the people that have died of the flu, there's a number of deaths. | ||
| When you look at the flu, you're like, man, the flu could just catch you. | ||
| The flu could just catch you. | ||
| Catch you when you're already weak, too. | ||
| Maybe you're run down, you've been working too much, and then the flu hits you when your immune system's devastated and it gets deep into you and gets you. | ||
| Everybody's vulnerable. | ||
| I mean, the thing about diseases that's so strange to me is that some of them are associated with certain diseases Certain groups of people like AIDS like AIDS is one of those ones is just so Associated with gay people that it's like a really politically charged disease and we concentrate on it like really heavily But I really think it wasn't just the gay thing, it was also that it was new. | ||
| New. | ||
| It was a new thing that was killing people. | ||
| We were always worried about that, right? | ||
| There's always these pandemic movies where some new crazy disease breaks loose and just runs rampant and we don't have an immune system for it and people start dying and they need to get the medication to the people and get it to the baby quickly! | ||
| People are afraid to get on subways, SARS. There's always some shit like that. | ||
| We're always terrified of some new shit that's going to get us. | ||
| Swine flu, chicken flu. | ||
| So AIDS had a dual disadvantage. | ||
| One, that was connected to gay people. | ||
| And people were like, oh, what are they doing over there? | ||
| I'm not going to get it. | ||
| I'm not gay. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| There was that. | ||
| Blood transfusions. | ||
| Car accidents. | ||
| Oh, that's right, right? | ||
| People were worried about getting from blood transfusions. | ||
| So that means back then they were just letting random people donate blood without checking it. | ||
| I don't think they had a test for it for a while. | ||
| I think for a while they didn't have a test for it. | ||
| Then they have to find, I guess they have to find antibodies in your blood or some shit. | ||
| But it's so weird that while this is all going on, how many people are dying from cancer every year just from smoking cigarettes? | ||
| It's fucking crazy numbers. | ||
| Crazy numbers. | ||
| People dropping like flies. | ||
| And no one thinks about that when you see a guy smoking a cigarette. | ||
| You don't think that guy's killing himself. | ||
| He's like, oh, he's outside in front of the restaurant having a cig. | ||
| Normal shit. | ||
| No, that guy's poisoning himself. | ||
| Or a guy with weak levers. | ||
| But it's just strange to me like we get really specific about what fears we have in terms of what way we die. | ||
| And when a new disease comes along that becomes like one of the most specific ones. | ||
| But while you're indulging in all these behaviors that will also kill you in way larger numbers than diseases. | ||
| It's fucking weird man. | ||
| It's very weird. | ||
| Human beings, me included, we're so strange. | ||
| We're so strange in the way we like prioritize things. | ||
| Always. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Do you get the flu shot? | ||
| No. | ||
| Joey Diaz, I won't give up the joke. | ||
| He has one of the best new bits about it. | ||
| I never got the flu shot, but I've gotten the flu once. | ||
| And it was like two years ago, out of nowhere, man. | ||
| I just hit a fat-ass bowl. | ||
| Then my legs got hot. | ||
| And my whole body felt hot. | ||
| And I told my wife, I think I'm going to get sick. | ||
| So you hit a bowl, and that's when it came on? | ||
| I won't say it was a bowl, but that's when I started feeling it hot. | ||
| Huh. | ||
| So the weed made you aware of it? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| But it wasn't the weed, though. | ||
| Hey, asshole. | ||
| Yeah, the weed was probably like, hey, asshole, you got the flu. | ||
| You better pay attention to your body. | ||
| I got it like a couple years ago. | ||
| I kicked it quick because I caught it coming on. | ||
| I felt it. | ||
| I was like, oh, I know what this is. | ||
| And I just laid down. | ||
| I didn't do shit. | ||
| I just laid down, drank a lot of tea, chilled the fuck out. | ||
| I didn't do shit. | ||
| I just laid down and relaxed and let my body recuperate itself. | ||
| I got lucky that it happened during a time where I didn't have anything to do that day. | ||
| So I could take time off. | ||
| I heard that when you get a real hot, a real good flu, it's like your body fighting off something inside your body. | ||
| Yeah, your body's basically going to war. | ||
| Fuck yeah. | ||
| Yeah, you're sweating up a storm. | ||
| Your body's trying to chase out the invaders. | ||
| You got people trying to get over that wall. | ||
| And my body's going... | ||
| Yeah, your body has little organisms trying to get over their walls. | ||
| You got walls set up to keep these things from breeding and, you know, taking over parts of your body. | ||
| So you got this immune system just going to war. | ||
| You got a little war going on in your body when you're sick. | ||
| I know that everything is fighting. | ||
| I got PCP, I got weed fighting, I got crack fighting. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, people don't like when you judge people's health. | ||
| And, you know, you definitely shouldn't judge someone based on whether or not they're sick. | ||
| What you're looking at when you see people that are sick, including yourself, all of us, what we're looking at is an organism that is at war, and we have this weird instinct to kind of get away from them, like, oh my god, I could get that. | ||
| I could get that organism, whatever that, I gotta get away from it. | ||
| What if one of the troops jumps off of him and hops into me? | ||
| I can't afford to take time off work now. | ||
| Get away from me! | ||
| I don't have time for lupus. | ||
| I don't got time for your coughing blood. | ||
| Don't cough blood on me, zombie man! | ||
| But think about how many people who don't never really take care of their body. | ||
| Because I know before I won Last Common Standing, I never had healthcare. | ||
| I was just gambling with my body. | ||
| I didn't go to the hospital unless I was really dying. | ||
| And when I went to the hospital, I went to this cheap little hospital right here in Echo Park. | ||
| How bad was it? | ||
| It was fucked up, man. | ||
| It smelled like an old elementary school in there. | ||
| and uh it's more like pine so it was an old korean doctor there and i told her what was wrong with me and she um i told her i have a flu i hope my butt hurts because i might have a hemorrhoid i don't know what's going on i'm bleeding out of my ass damn and she goes okay sit down and now she oh she and i paid a hundred dollars and what'd she give you she gave me medicines for the for the hemorrhoid because i had a hemorrhoid for the first time and then she gave me antibiotics for my flu What | ||
| does hemorrhoids come from? | ||
| Does it come from you trying to force your poo out? | ||
| Man. | ||
| That's what someone told me. | ||
| I think it was Eddie. | ||
| My first time, I didn't know, man. | ||
| I was on the road. | ||
| And I was on the low-carb diet, the Atkins diet. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| So I was fucking with... | ||
|
unidentified
|
I ate cheese and meat all week. | |
| You got bound up. | ||
| And I didn't drink no water. | ||
| I didn't drink no soda. | ||
| So I must have been stuffed. | ||
| So, Joe, I'm in the bathroom like the show's over. | ||
| And like two days, nothing, right? | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| And I could feel like... | ||
| My butthole already felt like I had broken glass inside. | ||
| Oh, that feeling. | ||
| So, I finally pushed too hard. | ||
| I pushed it out like I was having a baby. | ||
| I was doing Lamaze. | ||
| Did you put that up on the YouTube screen, please? | ||
| So... | ||
| I fucking shit. | ||
| Put this up while he's talking because it's perfect. | ||
| And then I pushed and I pushed and then like, oh man, I could just feel, I saw like, I wiped myself and the toilet paper looked like a fucking tampon. | ||
| And I was in pain, dude. | ||
| It says the veins around your anus tend to stretch under pressure and may bulge or swell. | ||
| Swollen veins, hemorrhoids, can develop from increased pressure in the lower rectum due to straining during bowel movements, sitting for long periods of time on the toilet. | ||
| Eddie Bravo has a hilarious bit about it, about being on his phone, on his phone taking a shit. | ||
| It's very funny. | ||
| Didn't you talk about it on here? | ||
| I think you talked about it on here. | ||
| But it was crazy. | ||
| Yeah, not good for your butthole to be sitting in that position. | ||
| How would you describe the feeling, the pain? | ||
| It feels like, I remember talking about it in a bit, I said that it felt like every night there was a ghost sodomizing me. | ||
| Like, fuck you in the ass at night. | ||
| How many days did you go before you took a shit? | ||
| Three days, then I took the shit, that's when the pain started. | ||
| And I blew my butthole out, I guess. | ||
| And then like three days later, I did shit right without pain for like two weeks. | ||
| I was afraid to fucking eat, man. | ||
| I have a friend of mine who had to go to a doctor and they had to literally break up the shit in his butthole. | ||
| They had to go up his butthole with an instrument and break it up and flush him out. | ||
| They had to give him something. | ||
| I think he had to take something, some sort of diuretic and some stool loosening agent, like some hardcore drugs. | ||
| And then they had to go in there with like a chisel. | ||
| And chip off this concrete log that he had at the bottom of his butthole. | ||
| And then, you know, he hadn't shit in many days. | ||
| Well, it was dry, too. | ||
| Yeah, it was dangerous. | ||
| And he couldn't get it out. | ||
| So he was literally plugged up. | ||
| And it kept piling in. | ||
| It's not like he's going to stop eating. | ||
| It's just going to keep piling in. | ||
| So he's got a blockade of, like, shit rocks at the end of his booty tunnel. | ||
| And it's a real problem. | ||
| It could be bad. | ||
| It's a real problem. | ||
| He had to go to a doctor. | ||
| Mine, like, finally came out and then... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Clink, clink, clink. | |
| All right. | ||
| But it was all bad. | ||
| It was all dry. | ||
| It was ugly, man. | ||
| Painful. | ||
| You gotta eat your vegetables, son. | ||
| And then I peed. | ||
| Every time I peed, after I finished peeing, it was hurting my butthole after I peed. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, that's one thing that I freak out about people that are on this carnivore diet. | ||
| I hear this carnivore diet stuff and they're like, oh no, no problem shitting at all. | ||
| I'm like, no problem at all. | ||
| You don't eat any vegetables, you got no problem at all. | ||
| Would it really kill you to eat some broccoli with that? | ||
| A little kale. | ||
| You gotta loosen that motherfucking pipeline up. | ||
| I just can't imagine that broccoli's killing you. | ||
| I think if broccoli's killing you... | ||
| There's probably something else wrong. | ||
| You should probably get your blood work done and try to figure out what the vitamins are. | ||
| If you eat broccoli and you start getting headaches, bro, I eat broccoli, it fucks with my gains. | ||
| I eat broccoli, I get a headache. | ||
| Are you sure, man? | ||
| People have been eating broccoli forever. | ||
| How is that possible? | ||
| When did broccoli ever become something that you feel shitty after you ate? | ||
| Has anybody ever said that? | ||
| Like, I eat broccoli, I just fucking get headaches. | ||
| It fucks over my immune system. | ||
| Some dudes will claim that now. | ||
| These carnivore guys, a lot of them are claiming, like, I eat a fucking salad, bro. | ||
| I'm off for a while. | ||
| People... | ||
| I typed it in back the other way. | ||
| In general, broccoli is safe to eat. | ||
| Any side effects are not serious. | ||
| The most common side effect is gas or bowel irritation. | ||
| Yeah, broccoli farts. | ||
| Caused by broccoli's high amounts of fiber. | ||
| All cruciferous... | ||
| That's a great word. | ||
| Cruciferous vegetables can make you grassy. | ||
| Oh, gassy. | ||
| I like how you said gassy. | ||
| Gassy. | ||
| Are you a scientist or not, you fuck? | ||
| Okay? | ||
| When you're a scientist, you use scientific terms. | ||
| You don't say gassy with me. | ||
| What, are you scared of saying farts? | ||
| Gassy. | ||
| But the health benefits outweigh the discomfort. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So there's certain people that I think have a real physical issue. | ||
| Like Jordan Peterson is one of them when he describes he literally can't have anything other than meat at this point in his life or it gives him headaches and it fucks with him. | ||
| I think certain people, all bullshit aside, might have a real biological issue with vegetables, which sounds insane. | ||
| But it only makes sense. | ||
| People have a problem with everything. | ||
| There's certain people that have a problem with almost everything. | ||
| There's people that are allergic to citrus. | ||
| There's people that are allergic to certain nuts. | ||
| Avocados. | ||
| Yeah, all kinds of plants. | ||
| There's people that are allergic to grass. | ||
| Why wouldn't people be allergic to some vegetables? | ||
| So if you are allergic to some vegetables... | ||
| And you just go on an all-meat diet. | ||
| All those symptoms of those allergies go away. | ||
| Why wouldn't that make sense to people? | ||
| I mean, there's so many people fighting off the idea of this carnivore diet, that you're only eating meat and you feel fantastic. | ||
| You're probably dealing with a bunch of people that have undiagnosed interactions, like negative interactions with vegetables. | ||
| There's probably something about their system that does not go well with vegetables. | ||
| So they should take vitamins. | ||
| Take vitamins and eat meat. | ||
| And you better find a way to get some fiber, kids. | ||
| You don't want to get all backed up. | ||
| Vegetables are good. | ||
| I think if you eat, like, really fatty meat, though, you don't have that problem. | ||
| If you eat, like, a ton of ribeyes, it just greases up that whole pipeline, and you're like, whoa! | ||
| Everything comes a flying out. | ||
| I think when you start eating that lean ground bison meat, you know, no butter, like, you're gonna have a problem. | ||
| Or butterball. | ||
| Yeah, you chew that shit down and pack it down, then you water on top of it, so it's got, like, you got, like, the packed out bison here, and then you got the water behind it, and it's concretifying it, and it's way through your body. | ||
| Have some broccoli, bro. | ||
| Eat some kale. | ||
| Put some cheese on it. | ||
| Some people really firmly believe that dairy's bad for you. | ||
| And that's something I've never tried. | ||
| You've never had dairy? | ||
| No, no, no, to not have dairy. | ||
| I've never tried to weigh off 100% dairy. | ||
| I don't eat much, but if I do, it's mostly cheese. | ||
| Hardly ever drink milk, unless it's with cookies. | ||
| And whenever I do, I always feel weird. | ||
| No, if I eat milk, I shouldn't myself. | ||
| I've been lactose intolerant, and I didn't even know that. | ||
| My mom never told me, but man, every time I'm eating cheese, I have a problem. | ||
| I get stuffed up. | ||
| I don't come out. | ||
| Damn. | ||
| So I fuck with almond milk and soy milk now. | ||
| Yeah, do you fuck with vegan cheese? | ||
| I probably try that. | ||
| Everything vegan. | ||
| I don't eat meat no more. | ||
| When did you stop? | ||
| Well, when I fucked my asshole. | ||
| That's a good move. | ||
| Get that fiber in, sonny. | ||
| Do you feel good, though? | ||
| You feel okay? | ||
| I'm still fat. | ||
| People don't believe me. | ||
| They say, you're vegan, you're fucking fat. | ||
| What are you, crops? | ||
| Why are you opposed to eggs? | ||
| Oh no, just give it all up, man. | ||
| I got so scared after I started bleeding, man. | ||
| And I said, you know what? | ||
| Gotta get your diet on point. | ||
| Do you feel better? | ||
| I feel good. | ||
| I mean, I don't have the runs. | ||
| I don't have to shit on myself anymore. | ||
| You ever try other types of diets, or is this the first one? | ||
| No, I tried the Atkins diet, I tried the Hollywood diet, you know, when you wake up in the morning, do some coke, and then party. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You tried that one? | |
| Is that a good one? | ||
| No, it sucked. | ||
| That one sucked. | ||
| Never tried that one. | ||
| Yeah, are you trying to lose weight? | ||
| Are you good? | ||
| No, I mean, I could lose weight, but I was bigger than I am right now. | ||
| But you just went on the diet because of... | ||
| No, that's not really a diet. | ||
| I just started this in 2011 or 2012. But you said when your ass was bleeding? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That's when you decided? | ||
| That's when I decided. | ||
| I started out slow. | ||
| I stopped drinking milk first, and then I stopped with cheese, then meat was the hardest, fish, chicken. | ||
| I did it slow. | ||
| And what do you replace it with? | ||
| What kind of food do you eat? | ||
| Well, my wife, she was raised vegan in Dayton, Ohio by her mom. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Damn. | |
| And they were poor, so they grew up in a trailer park, so that must have been tough for them, being vegan. | ||
| So I just started little by little. | ||
| I told her to help me. | ||
| Because she was not vegan at the time when I started being vegan. | ||
| Because I used to love meat, man. | ||
| Like, fuck yeah, man. | ||
| Hamburgers, ribs, ribeye, lobster. | ||
| Jack in the box, number five. | ||
| Do you go and get your blood tested and get yourself checked out? | ||
| I got my blood tested two years ago, and I'm supposed to get my blood tested this week again. | ||
| Yeah, two years ago? | ||
| And how do you look in terms of your vitamins, getting enough nutrients? | ||
| Do they do all that kind of stuff, test your vitamin B levels? | ||
| Yes, that time they did. | ||
| They took my B levels. | ||
| It was for sugar, and everything was cool. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's good. | ||
| He just told me I could lose 30 pounds. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So I started swimming. | ||
| I watched your videos every once in a while. | ||
| I'm trying to get into that ice thing you got into. | ||
| The ice thing's rough. | ||
| I want to, man. | ||
| It's good for inflammation, though. | ||
| You know what's good, too? | ||
| Saunas. | ||
| Saunas are good. | ||
| You were just in that sauna, 190 degrees. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's different from the sauna they have at the YMCA, right? | ||
| No, sauna's the same. | ||
| Steam room's different. | ||
| Steam room is, like, if steam gets that hot, it's wet. | ||
| Steam is wood or wet? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| It really is, like, in the implementation of it more than anything. | ||
| But if you did a steam room, most likely it was a tile floor. | ||
| And you go in there, and you close on a glass door, and it's just hot steam, and everybody just gets hot in there, and then they get too sweaty, and then they leave. | ||
| But the sauna's different in that it's a dry heat. | ||
| So you go in there, and it's usually, I think the idea is, and I could be wrong here, but I think the idea is that the steam room can't get as hot as a sauna, because if it did, it would kind of cook you, because it's wet. | ||
| It would be like hot, wet air around you would kind of cook you, as opposed to the hot, dry air. | ||
| That doesn't make any sense, though. | ||
| It's touching you. | ||
| Which was the one that had the little hot rocks. | ||
| That's the sauna, right? | ||
| That's the sauna. | ||
| Yeah, because it's conducting, right? | ||
| The water is conducting the heat. | ||
| That's what it is, right? | ||
| So the air doesn't conduct the heat as well as the water does. | ||
| Okay, so that makes sense. | ||
| Because the sauna, you can get to a fucking crispy degree, a crispy temperature before your body starts to freak out. | ||
| That's like the old school, huh? | ||
| Like the Rat Pack, Sinatra. | ||
| Did they used to sit around the sauna? | ||
| Hell yeah, they would party all night and then take a little steam in the morning, get all that alcohol out. | ||
| It doesn't really do that, but it definitely would make you feel a little better. | ||
| Yeah, if you're fucked up from drinking, you could also run the risk of, because you might be dehydrated, you could run the risk of blacking out. | ||
| You know, if you're susceptible to that and you, look at them all there. | ||
| There it is. | ||
| He's on the phone. | ||
| Sinatra's on the phone. | ||
| There it is. | ||
| He's standing on the floor. | ||
| They're in the sauna laying down. | ||
| Look at these guys. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| Meanwhile, how'd the photographer get in there? | ||
| I call bullshit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I call bullshit. | ||
| The phone, I call bullshit with the photographer being in there. | ||
| It's probably during the Ocean's Eleven movie. | ||
| No, it probably really happened. | ||
| I'm sure he did it all the time. | ||
| Yeah, come on in. | ||
| Take a picture of us. | ||
|
unidentified
|
This is what we do. | |
| Those guys were having a good time. | ||
| Hell yeah, man. | ||
| What a time. | ||
| They were having a good time, man. | ||
| It's a crazy... | ||
| They're like in their 50s there, right? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| They were older guys. | ||
| And they got together and they just did whatever the fuck they wanted. | ||
| They'd go to Vegas and party. | ||
| And everybody wanted to go party with them. | ||
| They're at the Sands there. | ||
| The Sands. | ||
| The Sands. | ||
| It's crazy when you look at those old hotels and casinos in Vegas, they just decide to dynamite them. | ||
| But what would you give to stay in the sands today if they kept everything up to date but current with the era in which it was created? | ||
| Like if you went there and it was a total retro hotel room with like fucking dial-up phones and you know just... | ||
| Wow, look! | ||
| I mean, there's something to be said for it, right? | ||
| If you live in a log cabin, there's something really cool about a log cabin, right? | ||
| You're living in a way that, God, people lived like this a thousand years ago, man. | ||
| This is real. | ||
| This is really how people lived. | ||
| But no one wants to live like people lived in the 60s. | ||
| Nah. | ||
| If they had a place like that where you had all the same kind of furniture, just updated, all the same utensils, but have that shit like they had it back then, how many people would want that? | ||
| Nah, not me. | ||
| Vegas was only made possible because of air conditioning. | ||
| Oh yeah, and water. | ||
| They couldn't have pulled that off if they didn't have some sort of way to cool the place down. | ||
| When did that start? | ||
| That's a good question. | ||
| The 50s? | ||
| Well, the Ice House, where we do stand-up, is 58 years old. | ||
| Before that, it was some sort of... | ||
| I think it was some sort of... | ||
| An actual ice house where they'd bring ice. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| At some point it's history. | ||
| That's what it used to be. | ||
| It used to be a storage place where people that didn't have refrigerators. | ||
| Yeah, that's what the whole place is wood. | ||
| Yeah, they would buy a block of ice and they would take this ice and they would- Carry it home. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| That wasn't that long ago, man. | ||
| I mean, that's less than a hundred years ago. | ||
| That's insane. | ||
| So like 1947, Bugsie Seagull, Flamingo? | ||
| Yeah, I bet it couldn't be. | ||
| I'm going to take a guess. | ||
| I feel like we've probably talked about this already. | ||
| I've just forgotten because I'm too stupid to maintain all this information anymore. | ||
| My brain's overfilled. | ||
| I want to say it happened somewhere around the 1920s. | ||
| The 1950s? | ||
| What? | ||
| There was no refrigerators before the 50s? | ||
| Well, not the refrigerators. | ||
| I'm sorry. | ||
| It was the air conditioning in Vegas is what I was looking at. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| I'm sorry. | ||
| I was rambling. | ||
| I was going with both. | ||
| What casino was it? | ||
| Flamingo? | ||
| So air conditioning and refrigeration were different. | ||
| We went with the ice house, which is the blocks of ice that they used to use for ice boxes. | ||
| When do you think they invented the refrigerator where they didn't have to do that? | ||
| What came for the refrigerator or the ice chest? | ||
| So... | ||
| I'll check, but I think they... | ||
| So with air conditioning, the 50s, so the big roaring times of the Vegas eruption was probably right after that then. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It had to be like right after it was invented. | ||
| Well, there was a difference of air conditioning. | ||
| There was a standard air conditioning that we have now, but I used to work at Sears Robux in Boyle Heights. | ||
| It's an old Sears building, and they... | ||
| In 1987, there was a big earthquake, and I was working there, and all the water came down. | ||
| They have an old swamp cooler. | ||
| So it's like a big shell with a bunch of water in it, and that's really an old air conditioner. | ||
| By the mid to late 1930s, swamp coolers cooled homes by maybe 15 degrees, but added humidity. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| It was bad, dude. | ||
| Swamp coolers. | ||
| I like the name, man. | ||
| Swamp coolers. | ||
| It was a metal wood. | ||
| I had to clean one of those motherfuckers, man. | ||
| It was huge. | ||
| It was bigger than that for the whole building. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| And it broke and all the water came down. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| Air conditioning, if you live in the Northeast, in the summertime, it gets wet. | ||
| Like, I lived in Boston. | ||
| It was a wet place. | ||
| Like, when the summertime would come around, it wouldn't just be that it was hot out. | ||
| It was hot and wet. | ||
| You know, things get sweaty as fuck. | ||
| Mosquitoes are everywhere. | ||
| Yeah, real muggy. | ||
| It's a weird feeling. | ||
| But it's cool, because you realize it's not going to happen very long. | ||
| You know, so like, when it is muggy, the thing about... | ||
| Like real contrast weather. | ||
| That's one thing we just don't get in California. | ||
| We don't get a contrast. | ||
| If you live in a place like New York, you'll have a summer that is brutally hot and muggy and people are walking around sweating and they're like, holy shit, it's fucking hot out. | ||
| It's fucking hot, dog. | ||
| But you'll also have a winter where you've got your shit pulled up to your face. | ||
| You're fucking dying, man. | ||
| You can't wait to get on that train or that bus or hop in an Uber. | ||
| You just got to get out of this fucking cold. | ||
| Oh, oh, oh, oh. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And you're in the cab, and they're like, take me to this place. | |
| Cab takes you to that place, you all pile out and immediately run inside. | ||
| Man, there's something about that that sucks at the time, but it's good for people. | ||
| You don't get that here, man. | ||
| Right here in LA, 1070, leg warmers. | ||
| Uggs. | ||
| Yeah, people are ugging it up everywhere. | ||
| They ugg it up. | ||
| Sometimes they bring in those boots too soon. | ||
| They bring in the uggs when they're wearing shorts. | ||
| Girls are allowed to do that. | ||
| We don't say shit. | ||
| They can do whatever they want, basically. | ||
| They're running fashion, for sure. | ||
| They decide. | ||
| That's why fanny packs went away. | ||
| It's because of girls. | ||
| They're like, uh-uh. | ||
| Guys aren't alright. | ||
| That's what happened. | ||
| Fanny packs are trying to make a comeback. | ||
| I remember there was a fanny pack... | ||
| I thought it was the only fanny pack I wanted to get. | ||
| I think I saw it on Guns and Ammo. | ||
| It was a fanny pack, and then the inside had a holster for a little.38. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You trying to rob me, son? | ||
| There's a video that Burt Kreischer just put up on his Instagram of a dude pulling his pistol out, shooting himself in the leg. | ||
| Tried to be Quick Draw McGraw. | ||
| He shot himself in the leg. | ||
| He goes, I just fucking shot myself! | ||
| And Burt Kreischer with all the tears coming out of his eyes. | ||
| He's so funny, man. | ||
| Burt Kreischer has a new Netflix special coming out August 24th. | ||
| Netflix. | ||
| Burt Kreischer. | ||
| I forget what it's called. | ||
| But Burt's going to be here the night before. | ||
| We're going to hype it up. | ||
| Secret time. | ||
| Maybe we'll shave an S in his chest for secret time. | ||
| He's a good dude, that guy. | ||
| He's a very good dude. | ||
| I've been on this podcast once. | ||
| He's a very good dude. | ||
| Very good guy. | ||
| We got a lot of good guys, man. | ||
| The Machine! | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, comedy today is a good time. | ||
| It is. | ||
| A lot of good people. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It is, man. | |
| It is. | ||
| It's a great time. | ||
| Funny people. | ||
| And cool people. | ||
| And it's fun. | ||
| Yeah, it's fun. | ||
| It's like fun and happy again. | ||
| Like the old time when I saw you at that gig. | ||
| Yeah, those were fun times, man. | ||
| Happy times. | ||
| Dublins. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Go across the street. | ||
| See Chewy play? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| When everything's good like that, it's good for everybody. | ||
| It makes the whole community more positive and it seems like we're helping out more young people coming up and then they develop a nice positive community too and they realize, hey man, We're all trying to get somewhere, but we're not against each other. | ||
| We should be supporting each other, and it'll help everybody. | ||
| It'll help you. | ||
| It'll help me. | ||
| There'll be more positive vibes flowing around. | ||
| Everybody be happy. | ||
| We inspire each other. | ||
| We're not competing against each other. | ||
| If someone does well, don't say, fuck him. | ||
| Say, goddamn, he did it. | ||
| I could do it, too. | ||
| The same amount of energy could be put into both ways of thinking about it, but one way is so much more positive for you and for everybody around you. | ||
| And still allows you to have a competitive instinct because you're still competing against yourself. | ||
| You're competing to do better, but you're looking at the people around you as inspiration rather than as competition. | ||
| And so instead of having this negative, combative relationship with everybody around you that's also succeeding, you have this really cooperative, excited feeling about it. | ||
| That's entirely possible in business. | ||
| That's entirely possible in friendship. | ||
| That's how people should aspire to interface with things. | ||
| Always try to be as positive as you can. | ||
| To give the same amount of energy you can give towards positive and still fulfill all those same amount of instincts of kicking ass and doing well. | ||
| Do it against yourself. | ||
| Compete against yourself. | ||
| Don't think about it as those other people are taking something away from you. | ||
| Think about it as they're giving you an opportunity to look at what's possible if you really dedicate yourself. | ||
| And you should choose that as a valuable life lesson. | ||
| Like, wow, look at that guy doing so well. | ||
| Or look at this girl, like, kicking ass and doing all this. | ||
| How does she accomplish that? | ||
| How does she write all those things? | ||
| How does she make all these movies? | ||
| How does she do all these things? | ||
| Like, fuck! | ||
| But people don't do that. | ||
| The natural instinct is to look at someone who's like some crazy, super competitive person like The Rock or something like that. | ||
| You see The Rock. | ||
| He's in everything. | ||
| He's in everything. | ||
| You want to shit on him. | ||
| But he's such a nice guy, you can't. | ||
| It's a real problem. | ||
| That guy could do terrible movie after terrible movie. | ||
| No one cares because he's such a good guy. | ||
| He could do whatever he wants. | ||
| He seemed like a nice guy. | ||
| He's a very nice guy. | ||
| And he's the real deal. | ||
| That's really what he does. | ||
| I mean, that guy really does show up at a fucking hotel room at 4 o'clock in the morning, flies across the world, and immediately starts working out. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| He's an animal. | ||
| Like, you want to be inspired? | ||
| That guy's worth more money than everyone. | ||
| He makes more money than anybody that's ever made any money in movies. | ||
| He's a fucking juggernaut. | ||
| He's so out of control. | ||
| Every movie he does is a blockbuster. | ||
| Meanwhile, he still shows up, out of place. | ||
| They got one of them elliptical machines waiting for him. | ||
| They got weights waiting for him. | ||
| He goes to town. | ||
| He'll do like 45 minutes of cardio when he fucking lands flying across the world, lift weights for an hour. | ||
| He just keeps going. | ||
| He just keeps going. | ||
| He finds a way to not complain, stay positive, and just keep going. | ||
| I read half of his book. | ||
| That's a lot for you? | ||
| I remember that when he was third string and playing football in Canada, he was sharing a mattress with the last guy who got kicked out of a team. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jesus. | |
| To be now a superstar, I don't even know how many millions he makes a movie, but everybody sees his movies. | ||
| He's such a good guy, but here's to be really clear. | ||
| That kind of genetics, like what that guy is, that is just like we were talking about with Iceland. | ||
| That's the same shit. | ||
| That's the same shit with the Pacific Islands, man. | ||
| That's some warrior DNA, son. | ||
| That's a giant man. | ||
| That's a huge, super powerful man who fucking is so driven. | ||
| Like, we are lucky. | ||
| We are lucky that dude is not on the biggest fucking horse he could find with the biggest battle axe. | ||
| I mean, that's what these people come from, man. | ||
| You don't get to be that big if you don't have some sort of a great lineage of warriors behind you. | ||
| You mean, that's so much bigger than most people. | ||
| Bigger than Schwarzenegger. | ||
| Dude, he's so big! | ||
| But all those guys, like that guy that plays the mountain on Game of Thrones, like what in the holy fuck? | ||
| That guy's so big! | ||
| You know that that dude came out of some warrior bloodline. | ||
| Some crazy Viking bloodline. | ||
| Because before guns, that was what was most important. | ||
| So when you see a guy like The Rock, or you see a guy, you're like, wow, that guy looks like a conqueror. | ||
| Yeah, because that's what he comes from. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| He's a Maori warrior. | ||
| That dude who plays Thor. | ||
| What's that dude's name? | ||
| Chris Helmsworth? | ||
| Chris Helmsworth. | ||
| That dude, listen. | ||
| That dude, he's a goddamn specimen. | ||
| Or Aquaman. | ||
| What is this, Jamie? | ||
| Body comparison of the rock to the mountain. | ||
| Who is the mountain? | ||
| The mountain's behind him. | ||
| He's 150 pounds on him. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| According to this. | ||
| Oh, the mountain from Game of Thrones. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| Oh, sorry. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| Put that again? | ||
| Look how much bigger he is. | ||
| That's like... | ||
| That's significant. | ||
| And a good, like, six, seven inches. | ||
| He's so big. | ||
| That guy's so big. | ||
| How tall is he? | ||
| 6'9 or some shit? | ||
| 6'9. | ||
| Dude, that is so crazy. | ||
| I weigh more than both of them. | ||
| That's not true. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| No, the mountain weighs like 390. Doesn't he? | ||
| 386. Fuck! | ||
| Yeah, 386. He's 6'9. | ||
| He weighs 386 pounds. | ||
| Like, to put that in perspective, former world boxing champion... | ||
| Fuck is his name? | ||
| The Crazy Gypsy Dude. | ||
| I'm sorry. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| The guy, he's the last guy to beat, Vladimir Klitschko. | ||
| Goddammit, how am I not remembering his name? | ||
| Tyson Fury, right? | ||
| Yes, that's it. | ||
| Sorry, Tyson. | ||
| That guy's a beast. | ||
| Tyson Fury, he's 6'9", and he weighs 250. Damn. | ||
| And he's a world boxing champion. | ||
| He gave up the title. | ||
| He was going through some struggles, some health struggles, some mental health struggles, too. | ||
| And gained a shitload of weight. | ||
| And then, I mean, got real fat. | ||
| And then got all the way down to like a super healthy weight again. | ||
| And I don't know if he's boxed since. | ||
| I feel like he has. | ||
| Shit. | ||
| Find out if he's boxed since. | ||
| When was the last time he boxed? | ||
| But he's gonna box soon, I know, and he looks, he's in phenomenal shape. | ||
| So when was the last time he fought? | ||
| Does the Wikipedia say? | ||
| I feel like the last time he fought is when he outpointed Vladimir Klitschko, and then afterwards he had a real struggle. | ||
| Maybe just because all of a sudden he became the champ and he's freaking out and maybe partying too much or something. | ||
| He fought in June. | ||
| He fought just recently, right? | ||
| Yep. | ||
| So literally last month. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, and who did he beat? | ||
| Sefer Safiri. | ||
| Did he beat him by decision? | ||
| Doesn't say? | ||
| RTD. Where is it? | ||
| The decision. | ||
| RTD, round four. | ||
| What does that mean? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| Referee something. | ||
| Technical knockout? | ||
| No, because it's TD. Technical decision. | ||
| Maybe it's if someone got head-butted and they got cut. | ||
| So find out what happened in that fight. | ||
| Just Google the fight. | ||
| We'll figure out what happened. | ||
| Anyway, if you go to his Instagram page, he's jacked now. | ||
| Shredded six-pack. | ||
| Bang, bang, bang. | ||
| Looks great. | ||
| But you gotta think, he's 250. That big motherfucker who's the same height as him is 140 pounds heavier than him. | ||
| You know how insane that is? | ||
| That is fucking insane. | ||
| That's so big. | ||
| 140 steaks. | ||
| Just take 140 t-bones. | ||
| Just slap them all over that dude's body. | ||
| Just... | ||
| That used to be everything. | ||
| What was he doing before acting? | ||
| Doorman somewhere? | ||
| Smashing people. | ||
| Randomly. | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| I don't know what he was doing. | ||
| He could be a doorman anywhere, man. | ||
| He's the world's strongest man, though. | ||
| He's one of those guys. | ||
| He does those world strongman competitions. | ||
| Those guys are fucking strong, bro. | ||
| With the handles on the logs. | ||
| They hoist the logs. | ||
| And they look fat, too. | ||
| Quit after the fourth round. | ||
| Say that again? | ||
| The guy retired after the fourth round. | ||
| Oh, the guy quit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Retired. | |
| Oh, so he retired on his stool. | ||
| No mas. | ||
| So he said no mas. | ||
| Sounded like it was an interesting event. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The crowd was getting pissed, and there was a fight in the stands. | ||
| Yada, yada, yada. | ||
| Why was the crowd getting pissed? | ||
| Because the fight got stopped? | ||
| Because the dude quit? | ||
| Tyson Fury's a beast. | ||
| He's a really good boxer. | ||
| But, you know, he came up to way over 300 pounds, got real fat, and then lost it all. | ||
| Got down to 250, now he's smiling and laughing on his Instagram. | ||
| It's like, he figured it out. | ||
| Like, I like that. | ||
| I like when someone goes to the Darklands and then comes back. | ||
| Look at him. | ||
| He's a big, tall motherfucker. | ||
| Look how tall he is, dude. | ||
| 6'9", and he can box his ass off. | ||
| He's very slick, like deceptively slick. | ||
| You know, he's a traveler. | ||
| He's like one of them badass gypsy dudes. | ||
| Like, there's quite a few of those in boxing right now. | ||
| These are, you know, tough fucking people. | ||
| And he can perform under pressure, too. | ||
| Like, he gets loose in there. | ||
| He's huge, man. | ||
| He's so big, dude. | ||
| Can he box? | ||
| He can box his ass off, man. | ||
| I just don't know why this guy... | ||
| So they're just standing in front of each other. | ||
| Yeah, it's like they're fucking around for like two rounds almost, and then he landed some blows, and I don't... | ||
| I'll go to the end here and see what happens. | ||
| Let's see what happens at the end. | ||
| Because if the guy just quit, and there was no point where he was hurt, then it's disgraceful. | ||
| So he's beating them up here. | ||
| Yeah, well, Tyson Fury's a legit... | ||
| Yeah, he's fucking him up. | ||
| He's a legit world championship caliber boxer. | ||
| I mean, he beat Vladimir Klitschko in his prime. | ||
| I mean, at the end of his reign, but he was still in his prime because his next fight against Anthony Joshua was fantastic. | ||
| Klitschko knocked Joshua down, had Joshua deep in deep trouble, and then Joshua came back and stopped him. | ||
| Joshua knocked him down first, then he knocked Joshua down second. | ||
| So it was like, Anthony Joshua is clearly, if not the best... | ||
| At least it's between him and Deontay Wilder right now until they fight. | ||
| The best, most dangerous heavyweights of our era. | ||
| And Klitschko almost beat him, almost knocked him out. | ||
| So when Tyson Fury beat him before that, he was beating a primetime Klitschko, and he just outboxed him, man. | ||
| So the dude just quit? | ||
| Was he getting beat up while I was talking too much? | ||
| I mean, no. | ||
| Shall we go a little bit more? | ||
| So this is the end of the round. | ||
| This is all the highlights. | ||
| I mean, they probably showed most of the hits. | ||
| Yeah, he was getting hurt. | ||
| He was getting hurt for sure. | ||
| Like right there, he got hurt. | ||
| But you gotta try to figure out a way to mitigate this. | ||
| You gotta figure out when... | ||
| I mean, he's going back to his corner. | ||
| He's not wobbling. | ||
| You're supposed to be trying to figure out a way to get past that dude. | ||
| And if you can't figure out a way to get past that dude, why'd you take the fight? | ||
| That's it. | ||
| The video stopped. | ||
| But I guess he probably thought he could beat that guy before he got in with him. | ||
| And then while you're in the middle of it, you know what happens? | ||
| Who that happens to? | ||
| Lomachenko. | ||
| Lomachenko guys just quit. | ||
| Guys quit on their corner. | ||
| World-class guys. | ||
| They're on their corner and they just go, fuck this. | ||
| I'm not going back out there. | ||
| That was like one of his more recent fights against a really high-level guy. | ||
| Lomachenko's so good. | ||
| He boxes guys out so convincingly. | ||
| They're like, look, I'm going out. | ||
| This guy keeps teeing up on me. | ||
| I'm not making it. | ||
| We're cutting this shit short right here. | ||
| And they'll do it with a straight face. | ||
| They're like, enough of this. | ||
| But that's because he's so much better. | ||
| What you're seeing with Tyson Fury there, that guy was definitely getting beat up. | ||
| And maybe he definitely needed to stop that fight. | ||
| But the way he's getting beat up is not like the same way Lomachenko does. | ||
| Like when Lomachenko does, it looks like the end is near, son. | ||
| You better get off this fucking train. | ||
| We're going right into a brick wall. | ||
| You think there might not end it when you just give up? | ||
| Who knows, man? | ||
| I mean, we didn't watch the actual fight. | ||
| He might have Tyson Fury most likely, I think, probably hit him with some big shots. | ||
| And, you know, we're looking at it from an outside perspective, but he knows he's in big, big trouble. | ||
| It's a smart move. | ||
| I mean, people, they boo and they get angry when someone who's a real warrior steps out of a fight. | ||
| But I can remember when Nigel Benn fought Gerald McClellan. | ||
| And it was a big, big fight at the time because they were both just knockout artists and crazy wild dudes with ferocious punching power. | ||
| And Gerald McClellan cut a shit ton of weight. | ||
| Really way too much weight and he was a really big light heavyweight and when he went in there and fought Gerald McClellan or when he fought Nigel Benn rather they had a clash of heads and it was a crazy like non-stop first round action where Gerald McClellan hurt Nigel Benn see if you can find that Gerald McClellan hurt Nigel Benn knocked him through the ropes and looked like the fight was over and Nigel Benn comes back He gets back up, and they're going at it, and there's a crazy headbutt in there, too. | ||
| And during the headbutt, I mean, they're throwing bombs back and forth, but Gerald McClellan takes a knee shortly afterwards and then goes to his corner and stops. | ||
| And the people that are watching, I remember saying, like, why is he doing that? | ||
| Like, why would he stop a fight? | ||
| Like, you know, it doesn't make any sense. | ||
| And then, boom, he's fucked. | ||
| And then they take him to the hospital, and... | ||
| This is it? | ||
| This is what? | ||
| This is round 10 right before, I think I saw... | ||
| This is right before the headbutt? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So, during the first round... | ||
| See, I thought it was a shorter fight. | ||
| During the first round, they had collided, and Gerald McClellan hit him with some big shots, and it looked like the fight was over. | ||
| I'm pretty sure that was the first round. | ||
| But when... | ||
| When whatever happened, happened. | ||
| Oh, look at that right hand by Nigel Benn. | ||
| Oh, that's ferocious. | ||
| Oh, dude. | ||
| See, I totally remember this wrong. | ||
| I remember a clash of heads. | ||
| Look at that eye though, man. | ||
| Damn, I 100% remember this wrong. | ||
| Because he got up and he's in trouble. | ||
| And Nigel Bent's hitting him again. | ||
| See, I don't remember him. | ||
| See, that's interesting how that works, man. | ||
| You haven't seen a fight in 20 years and you have this stupid memory of it in your head. | ||
| Oh, look at that uppercut he hit him with. | ||
| So I think this is the end of the fight. | ||
| So I think he was really struggling at this point. | ||
| I think he waited out his whole count. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| He waited out his whole count on his knee. | ||
| And I think some people were critical of that at the time. | ||
| This is crazy, man. | ||
| So anyway, after this fight, Gerald McLellan had severe brain bleeding and was taken to the hospital. | ||
| And he's never been the same since. | ||
| Damn, man. | ||
| Nigel Bann was a beast, man. | ||
| They were both beasts. | ||
| Gerald McClellan was a knockout artist at the time, man. | ||
| See if you Google Gerald McClellan KO highlights. | ||
| The thought was that it was going to be one day Gerald McClellan versus Roy Jones Jr. That they were going to have a super fight. | ||
| That was like a big, like one of them Pacquiao Mayweather type fights for that era. | ||
| Wow, man. | ||
| He got hit hard, man. | ||
| I remember getting hit hard. | ||
| Getting hit in the face like that. | ||
| Why do I remember him getting headbutt? | ||
| Maybe I'm just completely delusional or maybe that was somewhere in that mix, but certainly it was the big bombs from McClellan that dropped him in the first round and the big bombs from Nigel Benn. | ||
| I want to see the first round, too, because from what I remember, it was a crazy comeback because Nigel Benn was really hurt in that first round, but just showed insane heart and figured out how to keep going, where a lot of people were like, this fight is over, this fight is over. | ||
| But you see in those highlight reels, he was a knockout artist. | ||
| But now he's in real, real, real, real bad shape. | ||
| He's in a wheelchair. | ||
| From that fight, he went blind. | ||
| He had severe bleeding on his brain and it never really recovered. | ||
| He could have died in that ring. | ||
| Oh yeah, absolutely could have died. | ||
| So here's the first round. | ||
| Look at this first round. | ||
| Insane. | ||
| You think we're gonna win? | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| Nigel Benn falls through the ropes. | ||
| Go back a little bit. | ||
| Go back a little bit. | ||
| So you can see how fucking insane this... | ||
| Go to the beginning of it. | ||
| You see how insane this combination is. | ||
| I mean, McClellan came out guns blazing. | ||
| And hit him with some serious bombs, man. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| He hit him with a couple good shots there, good right hand, a good left hook to the body. | ||
| So this is the beginning of the fight. | ||
| You're thinking, oh my god, this fight is fucking over. | ||
| Look at that left hook. | ||
| Left hook to the body. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Boom. | ||
| Boom. | ||
| I mean, McClellan was a destroyer. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| And this is when he's blasting him through the ropes. | ||
| You're like, holy shit, this fight is over. | ||
| Nigel Benn comes back from this to win like 10 rounds later, which is insane. | ||
| Insane. | ||
| Look at him. | ||
| I mean, clearly he's hurt. | ||
| He's kind of wobbly. | ||
| But Jeremy McLellan just couldn't keep this up. | ||
| Nigel Benn survived and came back. | ||
| Those are like... | ||
| Mad intangibles in a fight. | ||
| That's why the best description of fights is always the theater of the unknown, because you really never know what the fuck is going to happen when you get these two world-class knuckle-slingers throwing fucking haymakers at each other like this. | ||
| Look at McClellan. | ||
| Oh, Nigel Benn comes back with a right! | ||
| And he clinches. | ||
| Now, McClellan's starting to get a little tired. | ||
| Look at his knees. | ||
| They're giving up on McCallum. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, you've got to think what kind of output he's putting. | ||
| He's trying to win this fight. | ||
| And Chael Sonnen told me something once that's an old boxing saying. | ||
| Something along the lines of, if you try to stop a fight and win by knockout but fail, you almost always lose by decision. | ||
| Because you just blow yourself out so bad. | ||
| Obviously, that's not totally the case because some people have crazy endurance and they can try to win a fight by knockout and then recover around later. | ||
| But the amount of output that you do when you're throwing everything full blast like McClellan did in that first round is insane. | ||
| It's like sprinting. | ||
| How many punches did he throw in that first round? | ||
| He threw a lot, but here's the most important thing. | ||
| He's throwing a lot of them at full power. | ||
| That's why it's so difficult to maintain. | ||
| What most people don't realize is that most of the time we see boxers boxing, they're throwing punches fast, but they're being loose and fluid. | ||
| And when they hurt a fighter, that's when they expend the most energy because then they're digging in and they're throwing things full blast and they're winding up. | ||
| They don't normally do that. | ||
| So the amount of energy that it takes to wind up and throw your hips and your fucking ass into it and all your weight and explode at the end, that's much more than to be just a technical boxer. | ||
| So when they're throwing technical punches and they're moving fast, they're not exerting the same amount of energy. | ||
| See, when you're trying to knock somebody out like McClellan clearly was in this first round, you are running uphill with a weight sack on your back. | ||
| And you can only do it for so long. | ||
| So as we go into the second round, like, look, you see he's already really tired. | ||
| So it was as much his weight cut as it was his strategy to try to win the first round as it was Nigel Ben's ability to absorb punishment and come back strong because Ben is looking fantastic here in the second round. | ||
| Look at him. | ||
| But it was a big wake-up call to a lot of boxers that if you engage in wild brawls, even when you were one of the elite of the elite, like Gerald McClellan was at the time, you could still get brain bleeding and be fucked up. | ||
| And a lot of people attribute that to that weight cut because he had to dehydrate himself quite a bit back then. | ||
| You think his game plan from his coaches was to get this guy out in the first round? | ||
| It could be, but it could be that he hurt him and he figured he could get him out in the first round. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| McClellan was a killer. | ||
| That was his thing. | ||
| If he hurt you, he was coming after you. | ||
| So what's that? | ||
| So he had 14 straight knockouts and 10 were in the first round. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, come on, man. | ||
| That's what Gerald McClellan did. | ||
| So when it didn't work out against a guy like Nigel Benn, Nigel Benn figured out how to maintain his energy better in that fight. | ||
| That's a, you know, that's a dangerous strategy. | ||
| Empty all your bullets out in the first round. | ||
| He was just on defense for the first three rounds then, huh? | ||
| But meanwhile, like, that's what was his success formula up until then, you know? | ||
| I mean, that was what was working. | ||
| You don't know it doesn't work until it don't work anymore. | ||
| 14 straight knuckles that way? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, dude, you remember when we used to think that nobody could beat Tyson? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Remember? | ||
| Dude, when we were little... | ||
| When we were young, we thought... | ||
| I think it was like... | ||
| When did he lose? | ||
| 86? | ||
| Did he lose in like 1986? | ||
| To Buster Douglas. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What year was that? | ||
| 90? | ||
|
unidentified
|
89? | |
| 90? | ||
| Google that. | ||
| He moved... | ||
| He did it... | ||
| I was definitely doing comedy at the time. | ||
| And I definitely saw it with my friend Ron after the fact. | ||
|
unidentified
|
February 11th, 1990. 1990. Damn. | |
| Damn. | ||
| So from that point on, we knew he could lose. | ||
| Before that, every Tyson fight, you're like, man, I'm not going to bother watching. | ||
| Why do people even want to fight that guy? | ||
| They're just getting killed. | ||
| What were the odds of him winning? | ||
| 42, I think. | ||
| 42 to 1? | ||
| Somebody got paid. | ||
| Somebody got paid. | ||
| Some crazy number. | ||
| I think it was 42. I think it was one of the highest underdogs ever that won. | ||
| Yeah, 42. 42? | ||
| And he won by knockout. | ||
| Buster Douglas was fantastic back then, man. | ||
| He fucked him up, huh? | ||
| Well, dude, Buster Douglas is a crazy example of a guy who always had a tremendous amount of talent. | ||
| He was always regarded as people that were in the know in boxing. | ||
| I heard them talk about him, and they would always talk about how smooth he was in training, and when he's at his best, he's literally like a world championship fighter. | ||
| But he never totally put it together as far as his discipline in training camp. | ||
| But then his mom died. | ||
| And he decided he was gonna fuck Mike Tyson up for his mother. | ||
| Fuck! | ||
| And he trained really, really hard. | ||
| So it was a perfect storm of Mike Tyson being king of the world. | ||
| You know, he's just fucking everybody up. | ||
| Doesn't even feel like he has to train anymore. | ||
| He's just... | ||
| He's just being the world heavyweight champion. | ||
| That's what they're like. | ||
| The reason why they become that guy in the first place is because they have this ability to indulge and excess and go crazy. | ||
| He's buying tigers and Lamborghinis and shit. | ||
| And along the way, Buster Douglas, for that fight, trained like a demon. | ||
| And still almost lost. | ||
| Still almost lost. | ||
| That's how good Tyson was. | ||
| When Tyson was in his prime as a knockout artist, he was so lethal that even though Buster Douglas and him... | ||
| Fought and Buster Douglas eventually wound up knocking him out. | ||
| He knocked him out after Mike Tyson knocked Buster Douglas down and had him hurt. | ||
| And Don King, after the fight, even protested and said that the count was more than 10. And that when Buster Douglas was down, the referee gave him an extra couple seconds to recover that he shouldn't have had. | ||
| I remember that was like a big protest after the fight. | ||
| But even then, even with shitty training, not taking this guy seriously at all, even then, Mike Tyson still knocked Buster Douglas down and almost knocked him out with one punch. | ||
| What round did he knock him out, Buster Douglas? | ||
| That was the longest Tyson fight he ever had, right? | ||
| No, he's had decisions. | ||
| He had decisions. | ||
| I think he had a decision against Bonecrusher Smith. | ||
| This video here has both knockdowns simultaneous, so you can see the different ten counts, I guess. | ||
| Okay, let's see it. | ||
| Boom! | ||
| He clipped him with an uppercut, right? | ||
| There's three, four. | ||
| He's only on three on the left. | ||
| He's on five or six on the right. | ||
| Oh, that's so different. | ||
| Oh, that's so different. | ||
| He was counting in Roman numbers. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh man, it was the end of the round. | ||
| It was the very end of the round, so Buster got a break. | ||
| So, look, that's just how it goes. | ||
| Go to the very beginning again, please. | ||
| Five, six seconds. | ||
| Go to the very beginning again so I can see the punch. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Here it is. | |
| That's it right there. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Boom! | ||
| Look at that uppercut. | ||
| That's a beautiful uppercut Tyson nailed him with too. | ||
| Two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten. | ||
| You're out. | ||
| You're out, Buster. | ||
| Yeah, he's only on eight on Buster there. | ||
| No, he's out. | ||
| He's out. | ||
| Do that again. | ||
| That seems like he's out, right? | ||
| Doesn't it? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Let's try it again. | ||
| Ready? | ||
| Boom! | ||
| He goes down. | ||
| One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten. | ||
| He's out. | ||
| Someone distracted him on number eight. | ||
| Yeah, does that stop the count? | ||
| Is that how that works? | ||
| It was a longer pause. | ||
| Is that how that works? | ||
| A split second when you turn the running away! | ||
| Watch the six, seven, eight on Mike Tyson here. | ||
| There's five. | ||
| Six, seven, eight, nine, ten. | ||
| Yeah, that guy's way quicker. | ||
| Is that the same guy? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, that's ridiculous. | ||
| Dude, you suck at counting. | ||
| He was counting in Spanish on the other one. | ||
| Uno, dos, tres. | ||
| That's a fucking crazy hard job, man. | ||
| You're in the middle of the moment. | ||
| There's all this hype going on. | ||
| You didn't pay the lease. | ||
| You're freaking the fuck out. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But it's the same guy because it's the same fight. | ||
| So how does the same guy count real slow for Buster Douglas and way faster for Mike Tyson? | ||
| The description of the video says this clearly demonstrates that he gave them both the exact same amount of time. | ||
| Oh? | ||
| Really? | ||
| That's not what we saw. | ||
| Let's try that again. | ||
| Let's try that again. | ||
| Let's count for Tyson. | ||
| We'll count for Tyson first. | ||
| Ready? | ||
| Tyson goes down. | ||
| Boom. | ||
| What a combination, Buster Douglasson. | ||
| Two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen. | ||
| He got knocked down right around fifty on the clock on the screen. | ||
| You can see it. | ||
| And how many seconds was it? | ||
| Picked him up at 38 is when he knocks. | ||
| Boom, right there. | ||
| It's like 13 seconds. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Four, five, six, seven, eight, nine. | ||
| They're both out. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They're both out. | ||
| The counting is definitely slower on Buster Douglas, but they're definitely both out. | ||
| But either way, if you said seven, I bet instead of four, if you've sped the count up by a second, you don't think Buster Douglas could have gotten up quicker? | ||
| I bet he could have. | ||
| I mean, he was waiting for the guy to hit eight, so he stands up, right? | ||
| Which is what you do. | ||
| You take as much time as you can, especially after you got legitimately hurt like that. | ||
| You're supposed to do that. | ||
| So, the question is, like, would he have been able to if the guy had counted a little quicker and, you know, eight came where seven was or six was? | ||
| Would he have been able to? | ||
| I think he probably would have. | ||
| The question is, would Tyson have been able to get to him with one punch before the bell? | ||
| That might have knocked him out. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Okay, fight. | ||
| You get him back up again, and it's three extra seconds. | ||
| Tyson storms forward and connects with a punch. | ||
| Tyson gets two head shots to the face, though. | ||
| Dude, crazy shots. | ||
| There's this guy right here. | ||
| Watch his white glove. | ||
| Is he the official count, or is the referee the official count? | ||
| This guy? | ||
| That's the finger, bro. | ||
| That's what his name is. | ||
| His nickname is the finger. | ||
| He counts way faster. | ||
| Watch him. | ||
| Let's watch the finger. | ||
| Two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten. | ||
| Oh yeah, by the fingers count. | ||
| That dude's out. | ||
| They're both out cold. | ||
| I'm going with the finger forever. | ||
| Captain White Glove. | ||
| Michael Jackson, they're counting. | ||
| Michael Jackson. | ||
| That's who it is. | ||
| We'll go with Mike. | ||
| Magician. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| That was an insane fight, though, because you couldn't believe Mike Tyson could lose. | ||
| Even when I watched it, I remember I heard about it first and then I watched it. | ||
| And I still remember thinking, I can't believe what I'm watching. | ||
| He's gonna get up and he's gonna knock this dude out, for sure. | ||
| I couldn't believe he lost. | ||
| It was like, it's over then. | ||
| You couldn't believe that he could lose. | ||
| People don't understand today. | ||
| There's never been someone that was as dominant For a scary moment in boxing history than Mike Tyson. | ||
| Because even though you knew Roy Jones was going to fuck up whoever he fought, the way he was going to fuck up, even if he knocked him out with one punch, it wasn't going to be this horrific storming By a destroyer, just coming after your soul. | ||
| Roy Jones would box your face off, hit you with lead left hooks and straight right hands that are way faster than anything you can duck. | ||
| He would fuck people up, but he would fuck people up with a certain style and movement and speed, whereas Tyson would just... | ||
| Hashten was like hitting you, like mugging you at the same time, man. | ||
| It's like all anger. | ||
| So fast. | ||
| All the hood in you. | ||
| Solid, like sledgehammer. | ||
| 220 pounds, but moved like a 160 pound guy. | ||
| Like you couldn't believe it at the time. | ||
| There had never been a heavyweight like him before. | ||
| There was heavyweights that moved amazing like Ali. | ||
| Ali had the most amazing footwork of anybody. | ||
| Just smooth and flowing and changed what the game was. | ||
| It was in front of people. | ||
| The ropey dope. | ||
| There's a crazy video of Ali that someone had on their Instagram page, one of those boxing pages, where he's fighting someone and the guy throws two, three, four punches in a row and Ali's got his hands down, And just barely moving his head away with each punch. | ||
| Just like, bitch, you can't hit me. | ||
| There was a magic about what he was doing that you were like, how is a heavyweight moving like that? | ||
| He had a fast jab, too. | ||
| Tyson was a totally different kind of strategy. | ||
| Those strategies will be argued to the end of time. | ||
| Like, what would have happened if Mike Tyson had fought Muhammad Ali, both in their primes? | ||
| What would have happened? | ||
| Man, what would have happened? | ||
| It would have been fucking crazy, I'll tell you that. | ||
| If we had Mike Tyson in his very best, before shit went completely crazy and he started giving out Rolls Royces to cops and walking around with his tiger in his underwear, before all that stuff... | ||
| Before biting ears? | ||
| Yeah, for sure, before biting ears. | ||
| The biting ears thing was when, you know, Evander was, you know... | ||
| When Evander beat him in that first fight, no one could believe it. | ||
| No one could believe it. | ||
| Even though Tyson had lost to Buster Douglas, everybody assumed that Tyson lost because he hadn't been training and he really hadn't been focused. | ||
| And then when he went to jail, he came out of jail and he looked jacked. | ||
| Remember? | ||
| He looked way more jacked. | ||
| He had a ridiculous six-pack. | ||
| Remember that shit? | ||
| Tattoo on his face. | ||
| Son. | ||
| No, he got the tattoo on his face afterwards, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| After jail. | ||
| I think he got the tattoo on his face. | ||
| In jail, right? | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| I think he had Mal tattooed on his arm. | ||
| What does it say here? | ||
| Mike Tyson opens up. | ||
| Oh, that was when he got arrested by that Joe Arpaio guy. | ||
| He had to do time in that Arizona. | ||
| He was living in Arizona for a while and he had to do that Joe Arpaio shit where they make you wear pink. | ||
| You get pink handcuffs on. | ||
| Dude. | ||
| Mike Tyson, though, when he was in his prime, like, that was when he just got out of jail. | ||
| That was the Mike Tyson fresh out of jail, like, just jacked! | ||
| That was 95, first fight after release. | ||
| That was against some unfortunate white fella that looks like he would be, uh, what was his name? | ||
| Peter McNeely? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Peter McNeely, tough guy, just wasn't ready for that. | ||
| The video of him talking to hype up the fight is hilarious if you go watch it now. | ||
| No, he's hilarious. | ||
| He was like a guy who'd be carrying the money bag. | ||
| He'd be a guy that you'd say, bring him to Peter, and Peter would break your face. | ||
| Hey, you owe money, you fuck. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Boom! | |
| He was a bold guy. | ||
| Give me some volume. | ||
| Jim Gray looking young and dapper. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look at him. | |
| This is fire. | ||
| My grandfathers. | ||
| My grandmothers. | ||
| My father. | ||
| My mother. | ||
| Curly! | ||
| My three brothers. | ||
| Last but not least... | ||
| Snubby. | ||
| Snubby. | ||
| Left hand for Snubby. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mr. McNeely, what was it that you have told your son? | |
| Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. | ||
| And last but not least, Medfield! | ||
| Medfield, Massachusetts in the house. | ||
| That is a guy from Medfield. | ||
| That is a guy from Medfield. | ||
| If you've ever been to Medfield, Massachusetts, no disrespect. | ||
| That makes sense. | ||
| Fucking Madfield! | ||
| Fucking Lovo! | ||
| Revere's in the house! | ||
| Dorchester! | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Lowell. | |
| Tough. | ||
| Yeah, Lowell. | ||
| Lowell's a big one, man. | ||
| Lowell's hardcore. | ||
| Mickey Ward came from Lowell. | ||
| Me and my friend Jimmy Lawless, we saw Mickey Ward box somebody. | ||
| Some famous dude. | ||
| I feel like he boxed some old-time dude. | ||
| Damn it, Jimmy just told me about this recently too, and I forgot what it was. | ||
| But we were both like... | ||
| Couldn't have been more than like 19. Something like that. | ||
| We went to see Mickey Ward box... | ||
| It was crazy, man. | ||
| Going to see live boxing is so weird because there's no commentary. | ||
| Like, I'd only seen it at home. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Like, you ever see a live boxing match? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| It's oddly quiet, you know? | ||
| What does it say? | ||
| Greg Young? | ||
| Is that where he fought? | ||
| In 95? | ||
| 85. Oh, yeah, that makes sense. | ||
| That's probably exactly it. | ||
| That means I was 18. Yeah. | ||
| Skating rink. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Lawrence, Massachusetts, he fought... | ||
| I guess it was this guy, Greg Young. | ||
| Why did I think it was an older guy? | ||
| There's a couple more right here, I guess, in the same spot the next year. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| John Refuse. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't remember any of those names, unfortunately. | ||
| I erased all that. | ||
| Edwin Caret? | ||
| Hold on. | ||
| When did he fight Edwin Caret? | ||
| Go back up. | ||
| That was in Atlantic City. | ||
| Edwin Caret is like an old-school, tough dude. | ||
| Yeah, he lost to Caret. | ||
| Caret was a beast. | ||
| Mickey Ward, man. | ||
| Those fights with Turo Gatti, those are some of the all-time most exciting and barbaric boxing matches ever. | ||
| When two dudes are just that close to each other, like that close skill-wise, like when they go at it, just back and forth and back and forth and nobody quits. | ||
| Those fights were insane, man. | ||
| My dad, he loved boxing. | ||
| He used to always go boxing, to watch Mexican boxing at the forum. | ||
| Every Tuesday night, there used to be these crazy Mexican boxers, but they were all featherweight, lightweight. | ||
| There was a guy named Ruben Olivares. | ||
| He was lightweight. | ||
| There was Pepino Cuevas. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Vicious left hook. | ||
| And there's this Cuban guy who was real awesome. | ||
| Napoles. | ||
| Mantequilla Napoles. | ||
| Mantequilla Napoles. | ||
| Wasn't Pepino Cuevas the guy that fought? | ||
| Pepino Cuevas from Mexico. | ||
| He fought Hearns, right? | ||
| Yeah, Hitman fucked him up. | ||
| Hitman fucked him up with that straight right hand. | ||
| He was on his way too, man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| My friend does boxing now with Beto Duran. | ||
| He does the boxing now for Golden Boy. | ||
| No shit, man. | ||
| What does he do? | ||
| What does he do for them? | ||
| My friend announces the fights. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| Because they have boxing every once in a while in downtown LA at some regular hotel, at a club, and they have young boxers. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| And he sees ringside and he commented, a lot of young incoming boxers. | ||
| No shit, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Man, that's a crazy gig. | ||
| So is he traveling around with that too? | ||
| Is he going to all these international shows? | ||
| I think he does the local ones. | ||
| He does local ones like when they fight over there at Santa Fe Spring Casino or Morongo, those type of fights. | ||
| There's a good time right now for boxing. | ||
| Oh yeah, man. | ||
| There's a lot of very, very exciting matchups. | ||
| A lot of people. | ||
| Canelo and Triple G. Woo! | ||
| I can't wait for that rematch. | ||
| Me too, man. | ||
| I'm performing the day before of that show. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Are you really? | |
| Where? | ||
| I'm going to be at the Hard Rock Cafe the day before the fight on a Friday. | ||
| Fuck! | ||
| Get there early, people. | ||
| Road trip. | ||
| I'll meet you at the weigh-in. | ||
| That is going to be an intense fight, man. | ||
| That first fight was intense. | ||
| I thought Triple G won. | ||
| I just hope nothing happens between now and the fight, you know, that might cause some bullshit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, don't get injured. | |
| Don't get injured. | ||
| Please don't get injured. | ||
| Nobody get injured. | ||
| Nobody test positive. | ||
| Nobody hit the wall when you're upset. | ||
| Nobody hit the wall. | ||
| Nobody drive crazy. | ||
| Don't do anything stupid. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| You're dealing with, like, two prime-time crushers. | ||
| What day is that? | ||
| November or November 3rd, I think. | ||
| I like watching shit at home, man. | ||
| I don't want to go there. | ||
| Too many humans. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Everyone's jammed in. | ||
| I have to do that so many times for the UFC. You know, when I'm not working for the UFC, I like to be home watching shit. | ||
| Do you watch it with your friends or alone, chilling? | ||
| Depends. | ||
| Sometimes I just want to watch it by myself. | ||
| But a lot of times, the only time I'm watching fights by myself if it's a UFC fight and I'm not commentating it is because we don't have a fight companion. | ||
| We do these fight companions. | ||
| If we're home, Callan's home and Schaub and Eddie Bravo are all home while a UFC is on the road somewhere, we'll watch it in here and we'll play it and we'll talk shit while the fights are going on. | ||
| That's only fun, man. | ||
| It's the most fun thing of all time. | ||
| Of all time. | ||
| Eddie Bravo's always busting out some ridiculous conspiracies and crazy jujitsu talk and then it might go to music. | ||
| We might just start talking about music for an entire fight and not even pay attention to the fight. | ||
| It's a fun gig, man. | ||
| It's like we're such good friends. | ||
| We've known each other for so long that when we get together and fuck around like this, it's just really fun. | ||
| Eddie Bravo, he's the one that put Shamrock in a hold, right? | ||
| No, Gracie. | ||
| Gracie, yeah. | ||
| I'm sorry, yeah. | ||
| And right now I'm wearing his dad. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Respect. | ||
| Elio Gracie. | ||
| If it wasn't for this dude, man. | ||
| He's one of the most important people in the history of martial arts right here. | ||
| This gentleman. | ||
| You know, that family. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Woo! | |
| That's a crazy contributing family to the history of martial arts. | ||
| For sure the number one family in the history of jiu-jitsu. | ||
| I mean, by far. | ||
| And arguably the number one family in the history of all martial arts. | ||
| I mean, that's a debate that people will have to the end of time. | ||
| But that is a pretty strong candidate for the number one most influential family in the history of martial arts. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Woo! | |
| Woo! | ||
| How do you get started with that? | ||
| I'll get you started. | ||
| You tell me you want to go. | ||
| You tell me when. | ||
| You tell me where. | ||
| I'll hook it up for you. | ||
| We'll figure out where you live. | ||
| Don't talk about where you live on the show because people show up. | ||
| Yeah, I see Joey training every once in a while on the road. | ||
| Joey trains like a motherfucker, dude. | ||
| Joey trains all the time. | ||
| He'll train three, four days a week. | ||
| He just got a blue belt, right? | ||
| Yep, yep. | ||
| I just got my blue belt, cocksucker. | ||
| Legit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ha! | |
| Look! | ||
| And here's what you have to realize. | ||
| If Joey Diaz gets on top of you, you're not getting up, okay? | ||
| You better accept that. | ||
| He's strong, man. | ||
| Joey's not just heavy. | ||
| He's a strong guy. | ||
| His hands, man, they're like backcatchers mitts. | ||
| He's a gorilla. | ||
| He's a big old gorilla. | ||
| When I met Joey, Joey was only like 220 pounds. | ||
| He was like a football player. | ||
| There's an old school photo of him. | ||
| I met him in like... | ||
| Somewhere in the late 90s, he was built just like an enforcer, like a big brutish guy. | ||
| He didn't get that fat at all. | ||
| But when he got that fat was also when he got that funny. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| He just didn't give a fuck anymore with anything, with food, with anything, with partying. | ||
| He became just a monster. | ||
| It's so funny. | ||
| I remember the first time I saw him was at the Laugh Factory. | ||
| It was late 90s. | ||
| Big dude. | ||
| Cuban. | ||
| Cubano. | ||
| And he had this crazy bitch that's Joey Karate. | ||
| Joey Karate. | ||
| We gotta get him to revise Joey Karate. | ||
| That is for sure. | ||
| Hey, fuck off. | ||
| Hey, fuck off. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That is for sure my all-time favorite character. | |
| I remember he had this, and then he had Man by the Dumpster. | ||
| Yes! | ||
| Joey Karate, though, is the best. | ||
| Fuck, though, it's Joey Karate today, you understand me? | ||
| And you're here for the UFC Minute. | ||
| A lot of people see me in the medical marijuana reports. | ||
| A lot of people see me in the sports reports. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But nobody really knows I'm a trained fucking assassin. | |
| A Cuban black belt. | ||
| I lost my rank on the fucking boat ride over. | ||
| They knocked me down on a green belt. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I lost my rank. | |
| But I'm fighting to get it back. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You understand? | |
| I take my shit back from the fucking jungles in China. | ||
| Hong Kong. | ||
| Bolivia. | ||
| That's where I train with fucking savages. | ||
| Not these little fucking guys flying through the air. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But you're lucky you caught me today. | |
| Because Joey Karate is going to give you a lock for UFC. And it's all about fucking Brazil this weekend. | ||
| You understand me? | ||
| My man. | ||
| Anderson Silva is going to fuck people up this weekend. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You understand me? | |
| He went through Kiss Levin. | ||
| He went through Forrest Whitaker. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Forrest Griffin. | |
| Let me show you what this motherfucker has. | ||
|
unidentified
|
First off, that's some Muay Thai shit. | |
| You understand when I studied Muay Thai? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Not really a Thai restaurant on fucking Gawa there. | |
| So he's gonna get him in a clench, couple knees to the fucking head. | ||
| Then he's gonna kick him with a sidekick. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Then he's gonna jujitu him into some fucking samurai or some arm bar or some fucking... | |
| And he's gonna fucking choke him up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's that simple. | |
| That's Anderson Silva. | ||
| You understand what he does as traditional? | ||
| And that's it, baby. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Don't forget, UFC. Catch me next week with all my other things. | |
| You understand me? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Next week, we're going to cover stretching and flying through the fucking air with Joey Karate. | |
| Thank you for watching. | ||
| Perfect music, too. | ||
| Whoever did the music nailed it. | ||
| It left a lot of weight. | ||
| From now? | ||
| From then to now? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Oh, yeah, man. | ||
| A lot of weight. | ||
| Is he a spokesperson for Weight Watchers? | ||
| Is that what he's doing? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Is he really? | ||
| I think he is. | ||
| I think he's doing something for Weight Watchers. | ||
| Joey is? | ||
| Yeah, Joey is. | ||
| He likes Weight Watchers. | ||
| That's how he lost all his weight when he lost it the first time. | ||
| And then he's losing it this time. | ||
| He's using it that way, too. | ||
| He said they're catching up, man. | ||
| They've got good science behind their food. | ||
| But even they, dude, they say you could have as many eggs as you want. | ||
| You could have eggs. | ||
| Eggs ain't bad for you, bro. | ||
| Joey's so funny, remember? | ||
| He said, I went to go do a show in Tijuana, and the hotel room had a bed. | ||
| You put a quarter in, and a finger jumps up, and it goes in your ass. | ||
| I went there last week. | ||
| I went to do a show two years ago, though. | ||
| The whole place is run down, man. | ||
| The machine's broken. | ||
| and you're going to put your own finger. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's in the house. | |
| How long have you been doing stand-up now? | ||
| 20 years. | ||
| I started in 1996, late 95. I started at the Natural Fudge Cafe on Melrose. | ||
| You won last Comic Standing, right? | ||
| I won last Comic Standing. | ||
| How many people won that? | ||
| How many different seasons did they have of that? | ||
| I won season 7. I think they're in 10 now. | ||
| You know, it's funny, Joe, when I won, my son's mom filed for child support the next day. | ||
| And she just took half. | ||
| She became the last baby mama standing. | ||
| Straight up, dog. | ||
| Fuck it, bitch. | ||
| I had kids when I was in high school, and they were paying for child support. | ||
| Oh, well, I can see your point. | ||
| We broke even, you know? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You definitely owed some money though, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know what's crazy? | ||
| When we were on Last Common Standing, they do like a background check of everybody. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I noticed when like some people were like slowly disappearing, you know, from the Last Common Standing. | ||
| Because of background checks? | ||
| Because of criminal records. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Some people were taken out of the photo. | ||
| Like they were put in positions that you wouldn't take the photos. | ||
| My brother... | ||
| He committed a lot of crimes, and I didn't know it then, he stole my identity. | ||
| Oh no! | ||
| This NBC investigator comes up to me, hey man, I see I got two files on you, two open cases on you. | ||
| One of them for possessions of crack cocaine, possessions of sale, failure to go to court. | ||
| This is your brother that's also gay? | ||
| No, there's another brother who's not gay. | ||
| He's a criminal. | ||
| He's the one that comes out of prison worse. | ||
| Oh, that one. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| My brother, he's like the ultimate criminal. | ||
| He's not on Facebook. | ||
| He's not on no social media. | ||
| I can't find him anywhere. | ||
| There's no photo of him anywhere. | ||
| So I had to track down his daughter on Facebook and say, man, is there a picture of you and your dad somewhere? | ||
| And she sends me the photo of my brother, and then they do the comparisons of me and him, and they let me go. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| That is hilarious. | ||
| So they have photos of him committing crimes? | ||
| Like security camera photos? | ||
| Yeah, they'll photo him in court when he got arrested. | ||
| Oh, that's hilarious. | ||
| Claiming he was Felipe Esparza. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, no. | |
| So my brother knows my birth certificate. | ||
| He knows my birth date. | ||
| He knows my name. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, no. | |
| What an asshole. | ||
| Piece of shit, bro. | ||
| My other brother, the gay one... | ||
| It's so rude to sell your own brother out like that. | ||
| He's a piece of shit. | ||
| My other brother, the gay one, he got pulled over for a traffic violation. | ||
| Did he use your name too? | ||
| My brother used his name and they put him in a prison in Arizona for illegal immigrants. | ||
| Oh, so your brother used both of your names? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| So my gay brother Fernando was on his way to prison in Arizona for a crime he didn't commit. | ||
| Oh no. | ||
| Luckily for him, when he was locked up, a guy that was with me in rehab knew me and my brother and him were friends and he had my brothers back in prison. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| Could you imagine going to jail because your brother's a piece of shit and he used your name to commit crimes? | ||
| How fucking mad you would be? | ||
| Stole my identity. | ||
| Could you imagine just sitting there in prison knowing that this motherfucker risked your freedom just so that he could get out? | ||
| He's like, fuck him. | ||
| Fuck him. | ||
| You don't call me anymore. | ||
| I'm gonna use his fucking social security number. | ||
| I know his name. | ||
| I know his birth date. | ||
| I know how tall he is. | ||
| That's so crazy. | ||
| What a psycho. | ||
| Damn, man. | ||
| You can't pick your family. | ||
| That's a real problem. | ||
| That's a real problem for some folks, right? | ||
| You can't pick your family, man. | ||
| Like, anybody who thinks that there's a, hey, you fucking get what you deserve in this world. | ||
| Bullshit. | ||
| Little babies are born into fucked up families. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Sometimes your brother is a piece of shit. | ||
| He's a piece of shit before you're even born. | ||
| You didn't even know. | ||
| And you're born later, and he's just ready to dominate you and be a fucking asshole to you, and you're like, what? | ||
| You know, that's what happened with Genghis Khan. | ||
| Genghis Khan became Genghis Khan later in his life. | ||
| But when he was younger, he killed his brother. | ||
| Because his brother was stealing fish. | ||
| They would go fishing. | ||
| His brother would take his fish. | ||
| He was like, oh, for real? | ||
| So he got together with his other brother, and they fucking ambushed their older brother and killed him with a bow and arrow. | ||
| Killed his brother. | ||
| What did Dad say? | ||
| Mom was really pissed. | ||
| Look, he shouldn't have let my brother steal my fish. | ||
| Fucking... | ||
| Lock key parent, you know? | ||
| Latch key, what is it? | ||
| Imagine that, man? | ||
| Killing your brother with a bow and arrow? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Woo! | |
| Life was cheap back then. | ||
| Or choking him to death. | ||
| Oof! | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| Or choking him to death because the mob or whatever you're associated with, your brother got to go. | ||
| So you don't know where your brother is now? | ||
| My brother's probably somewhere running around in Mexico. | ||
| Living in TJ, Tijuana. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You think so? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Does he ever come back? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| He's living over there. | ||
| He works at some pick-apart area over there. | ||
| Pick a part? | ||
| Yeah, like a pick a part. | ||
| You go there for parts for your car. | ||
| Oh, so it's stolen car parts. | ||
| No, it's a legal place. | ||
| You go in there, you tell my brother, I'm looking for a door for a 79 Toyota. | ||
| And my brother goes, yeah, you're going to go over there? | ||
| Yeah, junkyards. | ||
| Junkyard. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, man, I know dudes who built cars. | ||
| They would go to the junkyard. | ||
| It's like, ah, I got to get this fender. | ||
| I got to get a good fender for a 70 Chevelle. | ||
| They go and look, and that's kind of fun. | ||
| You know? | ||
| If I had 100 lives, One of the things I would do is build cars. | ||
| I think that would be the coolest shit in the world. | ||
| You know, I envy the fuck out of people who have done that. | ||
| Or have the time. | ||
| Yeah, that's the thing is the time. | ||
| But people who have learned how to do it and get a frame and figure out how to get the frame all sandblasted and powder coated and then, you know, figure out how to put the suspension on and fenders and like to really take a car apart and restore it and restore it and have it look beautiful and then drive around in it. | ||
| You see those guys that do that and you go, wow. | ||
| That's an admirable quality. | ||
| That's like something very few men would ever do, but every man admires a man who could do it. | ||
| Like, oh, me and my brother, we restored this 1969 Camaro. | ||
| I remember, I read that Matt Hughes did that. | ||
| Matt Hughes, who was also, at the time, UFC welterweight world champion, also restored classic cars. | ||
| I was like, that's a man. | ||
| You know, that's a fucking man. | ||
| Like, if you take a... | ||
| You could rebuild a car. | ||
| And then get it to the point where you're like... | ||
|
unidentified
|
You did that? | |
| That's some manly activity right there, man. | ||
| Brought it back to life. | ||
| That's one of the most manly things you can do. | ||
| Rebuild a car. | ||
| Guys who work on their own cars, that's a rare breed, son. | ||
| My dad always worked on his car, man. | ||
| He never went to no mechanic. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| He'd be out there changing the Sparks Plus out of the 73 Impala by himself in the rain. | ||
| Dude. | ||
| Changing, he'd be out there in the parking lot, man, like renting his own stuff to take the motor out of the car and put a new motor in and put it all in. | ||
| Different kind of man. | ||
| And my dad never, like most dads would invite you, hey Felipe, come here and help me out. | ||
| My dad never wanted no help. | ||
| The first time I tried to help, you know what, go play with your fucking toys. | ||
| You just passed me the wrong wrench, asshole. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Judgmental, daddy. | ||
| Thing is, too, they get locked into that. | ||
| They don't want you distracting them. | ||
| That's the way they're escaping. | ||
| They're escaping by working on this car, wrenching things down, changing carburetors and shit. | ||
| Those guys who could do that, that's a special type of guy. | ||
| There's a special mechanic, man. | ||
| You know a guy could do it. | ||
| It's weird when you invite those guys to a get-together. | ||
| They always look dirty. | ||
| They never get clean. | ||
| Even if you invite your cool mechanic from the neighborhood to a party and you're wearing a tux, you'd be like, damn, there goes Jones. | ||
| He still looks dirty. | ||
| Oh, he's got crazy fingernail dirt. | ||
| Grease under the fingernails. | ||
| It just never comes out. | ||
| You don't recognize him standing up? | ||
| Hey, here's a question. | ||
| Cooter. | ||
| How many people get sick from working in gas stations? | ||
| I would think that working in a gas station, all those fumes, Like, that shit's gotta be terrible for you. | ||
| Fumes and then all the grease and oil and, you know, breathing. | ||
| Smashing your finger on stuff. | ||
| Oh, that's the worst, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's the worst. | |
| Guys are always smashing their fingers and losing tips of fingers. | ||
| Taping them. | ||
| Fuck, man. | ||
| When I was a kid, there used to be a guy, they used to fix, you know, there's always a guy in the neighborhood that don't know how to fix everybody's car. | ||
| Right, right, right. | ||
| And there was this guy named Eli. | ||
| And they're a big family. | ||
| There were like nine or ten people in their family. | ||
| But this guy will fix your car, but he also likes to party. | ||
| Like, he used to party hard, Joe. | ||
| Like Beastie Boys style? | ||
| But he was a Volkswagen genius. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, one of those guys. | |
| He knew how to fix bugs, man. | ||
| Bugs were his thing, but he also was a mean drug addict. | ||
| My friend Junie, he was getting his bug fixed from him. | ||
| He had a rag top, was an oval bag, a beautiful bug. | ||
| This guy, Eli, man, smokes PCP. Oh no. | ||
| And he just, remember him holding the wrenches and staring at the bug for like three hours straight, not doing shit. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Volkswagen's a different kind of car, man. | ||
| Like a bug, you drive a bug, that's a different kind of human. | ||
| You gotta be a bug guy to know how to fix a bug. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| My friend Jimmy, that same friend that I went to the boxing match to see Mickey Ward fight, he also had a bug. | ||
| He had a blue bug. | ||
| It was the most ridiculous car. | ||
| I remember being in it, like, we were laughing how silly it was. | ||
| Because it was so... | ||
| You love cars, right? | ||
| Oh, love cars. | ||
| I remember you and Eddie Griffin in the same car. | ||
| NSX. His was dented, yours was clean. | ||
| Well, his was automatic. | ||
| Yours was cool, man. | ||
| You would come in there, man, like the fucking, like the cleaner and shit. | ||
| Like Harvey Keitel. | ||
| And I was like, you know what? | ||
| I meant to get me one of those one day. | ||
| That car's a dope car. | ||
| It wasn't the fastest car. | ||
| It just looked cool. | ||
| Well, here's the thing about those cars, man. | ||
| They were really well balanced. | ||
| Like, it was a good amount of power for the size of it. | ||
| It was a very light car. | ||
| I want to say the Acura NSX wasn't even 3,000 pounds. | ||
| That was it. | ||
| I had a silver one. | ||
| It was like a Ferrari. | ||
| Somebody bought mine. | ||
| It was black or gray, right? | ||
| No, I had two silver ones. | ||
| You were at the Wolf. | ||
| I had a silver one in the late 90s, and then I had a silver one in the early 2000s. | ||
| That's it right there. | ||
| That was my car. | ||
| That's it right there. | ||
| So somebody owns it. | ||
| Somebody bought it. | ||
| Because I think I traded it in when I got something else. | ||
| Joe Rogan, thanks for modding it to perfection. | ||
| That guy's got it. | ||
| That's my car. | ||
| To this day, that was one of my all-time favorite cars. | ||
| Definitely not the fastest car I ever drove, but it wasn't about being fast. | ||
| It was about the experience of driving it was more real tactile. | ||
| It's a very light car, and it's a mid-engine car. | ||
| These were low, right? | ||
| Bucket seats? | ||
| And it's a Japanese car. | ||
| It's a Honda. | ||
| So you know it's never going to break. | ||
| I never had a problem with those. | ||
| I had two of them. | ||
| I had one, I had it for like three years, and I traded it in, and then I got this other one later. | ||
| But in between, I had a Porsche, and that shit broke down constantly. | ||
| I had a 996 Turbo, which is like 2002. That shit broke constantly. | ||
| It just kept breaking man all kinds of crazy shit like the shift linkage blew two separate times where I would go to Shift gears and it just disengaged and was just floating around on two separate occasions that happened Where I couldn't shift gears and I was stuck one time luckily it happened while I was driving down the road So I was driving down the road and it popped loose and I was in second gear I said okay, I'm gonna just wind this bitch out and get to the Porsche dealership So I kept in second gear just drove around in second gear through the streets like near Ventura Wow. | ||
| Ridiculous. | ||
| They weren't durable cars. | ||
| Did you ever go fast on that Porsche? | ||
| That's the new one, son. | ||
| No, I wasn't really into driving fast. | ||
| What I like is a car that corners really well. | ||
| I like a car that just has a connection to the road. | ||
| Dude, look at that thing. | ||
| That's the new NSX. That shit looks preposterous. | ||
| That's a preposterous looking vehicle. | ||
| Like Knight Rider. | ||
| Yeah, but the only problem I have with this car is the problem I have with all these cars. | ||
| They won't let you use a manual transmission. | ||
| They don't sell them with a manual transmission. | ||
| The problem with that is, come on man, we're not racing. | ||
| I want it to feel good. | ||
| People need to remember how much better it feels to drive a manual transmission. | ||
| Everybody wants to not learn. | ||
| And since a lot of people don't know... | ||
| I never learned. | ||
| That's the problem. | ||
| They don't want to stall out and look like an asshole. | ||
| That's too much work. | ||
| Once you learn how to drive it, you still stall out. | ||
| I stall out occasionally. | ||
| But the fun that you have with a car like that, with a manual transmission, is so different. | ||
| It's like you're engaged. | ||
| You're shifting things. | ||
| First gear. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| Second gear. | ||
| There's something cool about that. | ||
| And for whatever reason, people are forgetting that. | ||
| It's a totally different experience when you drive a car that has a manual transmission versus a car that's not automatic. | ||
| You have more control, right? | ||
| Yeah, well, not really. | ||
| Honestly, you're better off with the automatic. | ||
| If you want to be totally honest, the automatic is going to go faster. | ||
| It's going to have a better choice of gear selection than you are. | ||
| It's going to, like, a lot of times when these race car drivers take, like, an automatic Porsche, like one of the new ones, they take it on a track. | ||
| They don't even take it out of automatic. | ||
| They don't shift the gears themselves. | ||
| If it's a double clutch gearbox, they put it in drive and they just go. | ||
| Because the things are so good at picking the right gear. | ||
| Why fuck around? | ||
| So it's better that way. | ||
| It really is better. | ||
| You have more control of the car that way. | ||
| But that's not necessarily what makes it the most fun. | ||
| What makes it the most fun is you're engaged in the car. | ||
| You're shifting the gears by yourself. | ||
| It looks like a smooth car. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Quiet. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You could learn how to drive a stick. | ||
| It's not hard. | ||
| I did it one time, this guy taught me in rehab how to drive a stick shift. | ||
| Oh yeah? | ||
| We were going downhill though. | ||
| Oh, well that's ridiculous. | ||
| Uphill's the worst. | ||
| You know what's the worst? | ||
| The top of La Cienega. | ||
| You get to the top of La Cienega right when you get to sunset, it's like a super steep hill. | ||
| You gotta have an e-brake. | ||
| And the new ones, they don't have e-brakes. | ||
| The new ones have a bullshit button e-brake, so you don't have a handle that you can just lift up and lift down. | ||
| That is nonsense. | ||
| Fix that. | ||
| Like, that's the whole deal. | ||
| If you're stuck in a, like, San Francisco street, and there's a red light, and you gotta go forward in a stick shift, that shit is a heart attack inducing. | ||
| I'm always afraid of rolling back on that car. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| Yeah, you have to have an emergency brake. | ||
| It's hard to do. | ||
| When you're a young kid and you're learning how to drive one, and you're on a crazy steep hill, at the top of the hill there's a stoplight. | ||
| Like, oh no. | ||
| That's designed for automatic cars. | ||
| If you have a stick shift, that's a fucking pain in the ass, man. | ||
| I can't even ride a motorcycle. | ||
| Motorcycles stall out too, right? | ||
| Same way? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So most motorcycle guys would probably be able to transition to a stick pretty easy. | ||
| Pretty simple. | ||
| Being in neutral. | ||
| Yeah, I never rode a motorcycle. | ||
| I took some classes for a little bit. | ||
| But then while I was taking classes, a couple people I knew wiped out pretty bad. | ||
| I was like, oh, fuck this. | ||
| This is too dangerous. | ||
| I think I rode a minibike one time in San Jose. | ||
| This comedian named Butch, he let me ride it. | ||
| Mini bikes are cool. | ||
| Someone without too much power is cool. | ||
| It's when you get into these, like, Hayabusas. | ||
| You know, you can just go and buy something that goes, like, zero to 60 in a second. | ||
| What the fuck is that? | ||
| You can just sell that to somebody. | ||
| All you have to do is get a license. | ||
| You get a license, and then you can go buy the most insane two-wheeled vehicle The world could have ever... | ||
| You couldn't even imagine something existing a hundred years ago. | ||
| Like a hundred years ago. | ||
| If you went back to 1918. And somebody got a Hayabusa and brought it to you. | ||
| You'd be like, what the fuck is this? | ||
| What is this? | ||
| The rocket? | ||
| Yeah, this doesn't even make sense. | ||
| People would try it and go flying off of it. | ||
| They would do wheelies and fall on top of them. | ||
| They'd be like, what in the fuck is this? | ||
| What are you doing with this thing? | ||
| And then someone could show it. | ||
| Someone who knows how to ride. | ||
| Some real motorcycle race car driver guy. | ||
| Evo Knievel. | ||
| No, like one of those guys that does those Isle of... | ||
| What's that Irish? | ||
| Is it Isle of Man? | ||
| What is that Irish crazy race they do? | ||
| Where these people are... | ||
| They're going so insanely fast. | ||
| And it looks like they're going through the woods and shit. | ||
| Like, look at this. | ||
| Is that what it is? | ||
| Isle of Man? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Why is there a car there in front? | ||
| Is the car... | ||
| Are the cars driving with them? | ||
| Oh, that guy just wiped out right there, son. | ||
| Or these people that are driving when it's not the race. | ||
| Yeah, I think this might just be your normal time. | ||
| They might be doing their own race or something. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, maybe. | ||
| So I think, hey, this is the actual race. | ||
| This is the Isle of Man race. | ||
| And I don't think they allow cars on the road while they have the race. | ||
| But dude, these guys go fast as shit. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| They take hills and they're flying through the air when they hit the hills. | ||
| Like, look at that. | ||
| Fuck, bro. | ||
| What is this? | ||
| Look how fast he's going, 171 miles an hour. | ||
| There's people right there. | ||
| Yup, and people to the left and to the right. | ||
| High-fiving them. | ||
| That is so insane. | ||
| Bikes are so insane. | ||
| And the fact that, you know, this is a fairly new thing in human history. | ||
| I mean, this is new. | ||
| This is within the last hundred years. | ||
| We had anything that you could do that with. | ||
| This speed that they could do it with now. | ||
| It's just fucking crazy, man Like your your moment where you have to make a decision like if something jumps out in front of you How much time do you have? | ||
| I'm gonna be a I'm still waiting for a jetpack. | ||
| Look people are fucking stupid Tell me someone wouldn't want to just go I'm gonna run when he comes by as soon as I see him I'm gonna run and I'm gonna get out of the way and then he tries to correct for you and wipes out and Yeah, it's like he was doing a wheelie before he could even get off. | ||
| You have to be so tuned in. | ||
| I don't think we could even imagine how heightened your senses have to be to be able to stay on top of this. | ||
| Well, there's cars to the left and right. | ||
| And to be that alert, man. | ||
| Trees and shit. | ||
| There's trees everywhere. | ||
| These guys are animals. | ||
| Look at them fly over the top like that. | ||
| Fuck, that is so bananas. | ||
| That is crazy. | ||
| When you watch them, there's a video in real time of them all going over this hill. | ||
| Yeah, it's like that. | ||
| Like, zoom. | ||
| You really get a sense of it right there. | ||
| When you're riding in the POV, their POV, you get a little bit of a sense of it, but you really get a sense of it when you watch them pass by stationary cameras. | ||
| What else do these guys do? | ||
| I mean, are my cousins sort of like this? | ||
| I know they're like crazy people. | ||
| These are like pilots, fighter pilots, guys that go... | ||
| They're risk-taking fools, man. | ||
| And again, this is just like what we were talking about with those strongman dudes. | ||
| These are the people that are hard-wired to do incredibly dangerous things. | ||
| And I guarantee you, these same people that are hard-wired to do these kind of dangerous, risky things, they would be like special forces operators, they would be Navy SEALs, they would be... | ||
| They would be people that are... | ||
| Mercenaries? | ||
| Yeah, they can do things that other people probably don't have the nerves for. | ||
| And they're thrill seekers. | ||
| But then you could take a thrill seeker that maybe would have joined the military and put him on a bike or put him in an MMA cage or put him in a boxing ring and you get that same type of person. | ||
| Those people all exist because you needed those traits. | ||
| You needed those traits in order to be successful, to keep your civilization alive. | ||
| You needed big, strong, murderous people. | ||
| You needed people that were crazy and weren't afraid of danger. | ||
| You needed risk takers. | ||
| You needed reward seekers. | ||
| You needed people who wanted to be the king. | ||
| And if you didn't have that, you weren't going to survive because there's other people that had that on the other side. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's what's crazy is we're figuring out how to filter that shit into sports now and all sorts of other aspects of life. | ||
| But it's these same instincts that have been around for hundreds of thousands of years that have turned people into what they are right now. | ||
| Fuck, man. | ||
| It's a trip. | ||
| It really is a trip when you think about people, just people in general. | ||
| Like what the paths that people take to become who they are right now. | ||
| How to be this guy on a jetpack going 100 miles an hour down the street. | ||
| How fast is he going? | ||
| Delivering weed. | ||
| Very, very fast though. | ||
| Very fast, right? | ||
| Yeah, he's flying. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| This is one, but this is not, I don't think, the fastest one. | ||
| This one looks like a halo of jets around him, but there's another guy that has one that are on his arms like Iron Man. | ||
| This was pretty new. | ||
| This was earlier this month. | ||
| Yeah, they're gonna get it. | ||
| If batteries get any better. | ||
| Godward Festival of Speed. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They're gonna get it. | ||
| They're gonna figure it out. | ||
| We're gonna get the hummingbird wings, bro. | ||
| That's what it's gonna be. | ||
| Just have some shit where it's like... | ||
| But you're gonna buy some cheap ones. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Some janky ones from overseas and the hummingbird wings gonna break off and hit you in the fucking head. | ||
| It's going... | ||
| There'll be people in downtown, knockoffs, pigeon wings. | ||
| Yeah, and then there would definitely be trippers that would put like glowing lights on them that would cause people to have seizures. | ||
| You know, like for sure, like, you know, Burning Man style lights all over your hummingbird wings. | ||
| That would be amazing. | ||
| Come on. | ||
| That would be one of the coolest things of all time. | ||
| Burning Man, hummingbird, glowing, flashing light wings. | ||
| That'd be badass. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| Artist wants to cover Burning Man in a massive NASA-engineered blanket. | ||
| It's like 10,000 square... | ||
| What is it? | ||
| Sorry, 100 square meters. | ||
| For what? | ||
| To trip balls? | ||
| To see what would happen. | ||
| It's supposed to reflect 97% of the heat that would normally stay down there, so... | ||
| They're going to do a portion of it. | ||
| I don't know if they're going to... | ||
| They obviously can't cover that. | ||
| It's funny. | ||
| I was just reading about this. | ||
| They tell you to take one of those space blankets with you if you're going hiking in the woods. | ||
| Like if you're going on a camping trip and you have some survival stuff, a survival kit, one of the things they say is to get one of those. | ||
| Because you build a fire and then you get under the blanket in the fire and the fire reflects off the blanket and it makes a big impact on the amount of heat it gives off. | ||
| And they think for survival purposes it's a good move to have. | ||
| Where did I hear that about? | ||
| I think I heard that on a podcast. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hmm. | |
| Trying to figure out which podcast it was. | ||
| I'll try to remember. | ||
| But those little tiny blankets... | ||
| They don't weigh anything either, so it's like a smart thing for people to carry around with. | ||
| Do they keep you warm? | ||
| Supposedly. | ||
| I've never seen one. | ||
| Warmer, but they're really good apparently for reflecting heat. | ||
| Like they can keep your body heat in, you know, and pretty effective compared to their size and weight. | ||
| Which is like weird when they wrap people around them, they look like Chipotle burritos to go. | ||
| I know, they do. | ||
| Looks like there's nothing to it. | ||
| But maybe that's why Chipotle uses those wraps. | ||
| I got a food poisoning at Chipotle twice. | ||
| You think you did? | ||
| In D.C. How do you know that's exactly where you got the food poisoning? | ||
| That's the last thing I ate. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And then how much time did it take between eating it and you getting food poisoning? | ||
| One hour. | ||
| One hour. | ||
| But I felt it like I felt it getting hot and then I just threw up and shit it. | ||
| Before that one hour, what did you eat? | ||
| I don't remember. | ||
| Did you eat anything else? | ||
| I was on a plane. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Was the plane eight hours before the food poisoning kicked in? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Maybe three? | ||
| Three. | ||
| The flight was five hours. | ||
| I know that. | ||
| So then, yeah, it could be eight. | ||
| I think most experts... | ||
| I've never talked to a food poisoning expert. | ||
| I don't want to bullshit you. | ||
| But I think most people will say that it's more likely that it was the food that was on the plane that got you. | ||
| Well, I didn't eat on the plane. | ||
| Oh, you didn't eat on the plane? | ||
| I didn't find flu. | ||
| It was just nuts. | ||
| You might have gotten it from nuts. | ||
| You sure it was food poisoning and not just like stomach flu? | ||
| I don't know, man, but it was bad for like three days. | ||
| I lost 14 pounds. | ||
| You know, whenever people say I got food poisoning from this, I always go, you might have. | ||
| But, I mean, people don't know like how long it takes to get food poisoning. | ||
| It's a little longer than you think. | ||
| It was chicken, you think? | ||
| How many hours does it take before food poisoning shows up? | ||
| One to three. | ||
| One to three. | ||
| Oh, maybe I'm wrong. | ||
| Maybe one of the servants had dirty hands. | ||
| Maybe they used to think it was longer. | ||
| Did they used to think it was longer? | ||
| Because I used to hear that it was like eight hours. | ||
| Yeah, I thought you had to wait for it to digest, but I mean, you can eat something and get sick right away. | ||
| That makes sense then. | ||
| Probably was Chipotle then. | ||
| But I would say if, like, you had eaten three hours earlier and then right after, well, if they're saying one to three, one is one. | ||
| Depends what it is, I suppose, too. | ||
| Roast chicken. | ||
| Yeah, fizzy coli or whatever, you know. | ||
| Oh, fizzy coli. | ||
| That's scary. | ||
| People get that from salad. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| Yeah, runoff, man. | ||
| It's runoff from the animal areas. | ||
| Animal shit, essentially. | ||
| A lot of times when they have these farms, it rains and there's a lot of runoff, and the runoff is carrying cow shit and pig shit, and it's getting into the ground, and it's getting onto plants. | ||
| And if they don't adequately wash these plants and you get them and you eat them raw, you can definitely get sick. | ||
| See, Google that. | ||
| E. coli. | ||
| What is the cause of E. coli in vegetables? | ||
| I'm pretty sure that's the reason. | ||
| I know, like, sometimes when I drive to, like, when I do shows in Visalia or Bakersfield, on the right-hand side, you know, you pass by these cows. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then there's a lake, and I always thought that was water, but it was runoff. | ||
| It's all a lake of crap. | ||
| It's like this whole lake full of cow shit just sitting there. | ||
| That's so dark. | ||
| There's a lake full of pig shit outside this one pig farm, one of those factory farms, where they have these warehouses filled with pigs, and they flew over with a drone to get footage of it, and you see this putrid, disgusting body of water that's just shit and piss. | ||
| I mean, it's massive. | ||
| Dude, it's massive. | ||
| I mean, it's like a lake that you would think you'd go fishing in. | ||
| It's right next to... | ||
| And where are we going to put all that stuff? | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| It's going to go into the ground. | ||
| They're not supposed to do that. | ||
| This thing of figuring out how to make the most amount of money with having the least amount of concerns for the life of the animal is the total wrong way to look at it. | ||
| But when you're feeding 20 million people and none of those people are aware of where their food comes, People start making decisions based on money and profit and then you get to this point where someone allows them to or we don't agree on what should and shouldn't be done or we don't agree on what we should and shouldn't enforce. | ||
| And then we get to this place where you have these buildings that are filled with pigs and you got a lake of piss and shit behind it and these things are jammed into these cages and they got dead babies on the ground. | ||
| You're like, okay. | ||
| What's that? | ||
| That seems like hell. | ||
| You've created hell so that you can make bacon. | ||
| That's a crazy way of contracting or getting your food. | ||
| But bacon tastes so good. | ||
| I know. | ||
| E. coli is a large group of bacteria with multiple strains, most of which are harmless and part of the normal flora of bacteria in the digestive tract. | ||
| Harmful strains of E. coli produce something called Shiga toxin, which can be deadly. | ||
| The strain, undercooked ground beef. | ||
| It's infected people through the consumption of undercooked ground beef. | ||
| So it's a toxin that exists in cattle. | ||
| Okay, here it goes. | ||
| This time, however, the toxic strain of E. coli has been found on romaine lettuce, which likely became contaminated from nearby cattle manure. | ||
| So yeah, that's what it is. | ||
| This is from the recent outbreak. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, I think it's happened before that I read about it as well with other stuff. | ||
| I think it was spinach. | ||
| I think they had an issue with spinach in the past. | ||
| I remember when the news came out, Joe Diaz and I were watching Fraser Smith perform, and he had a spinach joke. | ||
| I remember it was dumb, but it was hilarious to us. | ||
| He said, spinach, there's a thing on spinach. | ||
| And then he said, it's a good time to beat up Popeye. | ||
| That's a typical Frazier Snow joke. | ||
| He's so silly. | ||
| He's a funny dude, man. | ||
| Hey there, buddy. | ||
| He's so silly. | ||
| Very nice guy, though, isn't he? | ||
| Yeah, he's a very nice guy. | ||
| Frazier's a very nice guy. | ||
| Funny dude, though. | ||
| That kind of joke. | ||
| Like, wow! | ||
| So silly. | ||
| Now's a good time to beat up Popeye, guys. | ||
| Yeah, but that's not from the vegetables themselves. | ||
| That's the thing. | ||
| Like, those kind of diseases are from, you know, they're environmental toxins from the nearby stuff. | ||
| So the lettuce was grown, it grew with E. coli in it, or it got it afterwards? | ||
| No, no, no, it got on it. | ||
| It got on it somehow. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, man. | |
| Through the cattle manure. | ||
| So even washing that lettuce, you could not take it at all? | ||
| I think you can. | ||
| I think you can. | ||
| I think if you wash lettuce, you can take it out. | ||
| But if you cook it, you're much more likely to kill it. | ||
| Like, for broccoli and stuff like that, you're much more likely to be able to kill it. | ||
| You know, kale, stir-fry kale. | ||
| But the crazy thing is, had that happened in the first place, was that a normal thing that would have happened on a regular farm? | ||
| Like, if you just had a farm that wasn't a factory farm, but you just let the animals roam around, just be themselves, would that have happened? | ||
| Is it still possible? | ||
| Or does that only happen when you contain a certain amount of animals in a certain area and then also try to grow vegetables in that same area, too? | ||
| I mean, I'm sure people got E. Coli back in the day. | ||
| I'm sure it's not a new thing that people get sick from. | ||
| I just guess they didn't clean it well enough because of the way they're doing it. | ||
| Or, before refrigerators, for sure they probably got it, right? | ||
| They must have got it like crazy. | ||
| I bet people got food poisoning left and right before refrigerators. | ||
| Oh yeah, man. | ||
| They probably always had diarrhea. | ||
| Before... | ||
| I know, right? | ||
| Before they were telling you, um, come to our restaurant, our chef, wash his hands. | ||
| You ever catch your dog eating something in the backyard? | ||
| And you're like, oh, well, for sure he's going to be sick now. | ||
| Meanwhile, nothing. | ||
| Then you need a dead rat. | ||
| They can find a dead rat. | ||
| And you catch him chewing on a dead rat. | ||
| And you're like, what the fuck, dude? | ||
| I thought we were friends. | ||
| Why are you eating a dead rat, man? | ||
| That's so stupid. | ||
| Get in the house. | ||
| We got nice snacks in some of the house, you asshole. | ||
| I know, and I'm thinking, man, he's going to be sick. | ||
| He ate a rat. | ||
| Nothing. | ||
| Zero problems. | ||
| I ate steak one time. | ||
| I left in my car overnight. | ||
| Like, didn't know. | ||
| Thinking, like, oh, it's going to be a great lunch. | ||
| All these beef tips. | ||
| It was so good eating it, too. | ||
| And I was sick for, like, three days. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, man. | |
| So bad. | ||
| Lesson learned. | ||
| Did you try to reheat it in the microwave? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| I put it in a skillet, too, I think. | ||
| I was working at a restaurant. | ||
| That's what we made all the time. | ||
| So you knew that you probably had to cook it again. | ||
| I did cook it again. | ||
| But you thought it would be fine. | ||
| Yeah, I thought it was in the clear. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Dude. | |
| I've eaten like seven day old KFC, but it was through in the refrigerator. | ||
| I didn't even cook it. | ||
| Did that get you? | ||
| It was good. | ||
| No, no. | ||
| KFC cold rocks. | ||
| You know what my favorite KFC is? | ||
| KFC cold with hot sauce. | ||
| You got like El Yucateca, habanero sauce, that green shit. | ||
| Or some tapatio. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Tapatio doesn't have the kind of kick though. | ||
| It doesn't have a kick. | ||
| You're right about that. | ||
| I need more. | ||
| I need more. | ||
| It doesn't have the cake, it doesn't have the spice, but not the real big cake, like Dave's hot sauce, maybe? | ||
| That's too much. | ||
| That's fucking too much, huh? | ||
| There's like a line, there's a line where you're like, what are you doing? | ||
| What are you doing? | ||
| You're doing fucking, you know, doing a stunt? | ||
| Like, why are you eating that? | ||
| How about you? | ||
| Doritos are good, though. | ||
| They're very good. | ||
| But I mean, there's like a habanero, there's a level of hot sauce. | ||
| Habanero's fucking hot, though. | ||
| Habanero's hot as fuck. | ||
| It's hot enough. | ||
| It's hot as fuck. | ||
| Like that Yucateco shit? | ||
| There's a lot of good habanero sauces. | ||
| A lot of good ones. | ||
| But there's something about habanero sauce on cold chicken. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Woo! | |
| God, that's good. | ||
| That's your favorite fried chicken? | ||
| No chance. | ||
| No. | ||
| No. | ||
| Uh, I don't, I mean, I try not to eat it unless I have to, if I'm starving. | ||
| And that's all that's available. | ||
| But most of the time I think, man, how are they getting these chickens? | ||
| These are those tortured chickens that live in those boxes. | ||
| Yeah, these chickens don't have bigger breasts. | ||
| But then you pass by Chick-fil-A and you're like, what's the line about? | ||
| Why is the line so big? | ||
| Must be delicious. | ||
| Oh, I could taste the bun and the mayonnaise and that chicken. | ||
| That sweet, sweet, juicy, warm chicken. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Warm. | |
| I used to fuck with those little chicken littles from KFC, the little dollar sandwiches. | ||
| The thing is, man... | ||
| What happened to get that chicken sandwich in your hand? | ||
| If you get a video, if they give you a little fucking... | ||
| Every chicken sandwich you buy comes with a documented life of the chicken. | ||
| You get a number, like, oh, this is number 216, and you go to the website, and you can access the video of the chicken living from the time it's a baby chick, from the time it's a grown-up chick, And a dude with a fucking gloved hand grabs his fucker, stuffs him in a cage, and feeds him, and he gets bigger, | ||
| and he's stuck in his cage, and they take him out, whack his fucking head off, throw him into the furnace to blow off all his feathers, pull the guts out of him, cook him at KFC. If you could see all that, if you saw it from start to finish, you'd be like, oof. | ||
| Or they tell you how much... | ||
| I don't know what I'm doing here. | ||
| Or they tell you how much water was used to feed this guy. | ||
| Well, we need more water. | ||
| Yeah, for sure. | ||
| But that doesn't disturb me as much as the life... | ||
| Of a pig that lives in a cage that's in a warehouse filled with cages that's created a river of shit right next to it. | ||
| Swimming it. | ||
| I like wild animals, man. | ||
| I like the way they taste. | ||
| I like the idea behind it. | ||
| What does that mousse taste like? | ||
| It tastes good. | ||
| Mousse tastes delicious. | ||
| I had deer burgers at one time and beer. | ||
| My uncle would hunt deer in Ensenada and he would make it like carne asada, pork, whatever. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Hot sausages. | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| And it was good. | ||
| A lot of people go to Mexico. | ||
| A lot of Americans go to Mexico to deer hunt. | ||
| Yeah, there's a lot of big deer hunting. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What is it? | ||
| There's another place. | ||
| Rosarito? | ||
| Well, it starts with an S. Sonora. | ||
| Sonora. | ||
| Sonora has a lot of big deer there. | ||
| People go there to hunt deer. | ||
| Scared as fuck. | ||
| They're scared. | ||
| We're going to go to Mexico. | ||
| They're going to get me. | ||
| They're going to get me while I'm over here. | ||
| It's weird, man. | ||
| They hunt deer over there and turn them into tacos. | ||
| There's a wild-ranging, free-ranging herd of buffalo in Mexico, too. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They must have shot a movie there one time and brought in buffaloes and then left them there. | ||
| I wonder. | ||
| Because I thought buffaloes, I think there's buffaloes in Catalina Island or I don't know where. | ||
| Catalina, right? | ||
| Yeah, and they asked how'd they get there while they shot a movie once and they brought in a buffalo and then left them there. | ||
| Oh, that's interesting. | ||
| There used to be an island, like one of those islands off the coast of California, that had all kinds of wild animals. | ||
| That people brought all these animals over there to try to turn into a wild game park. | ||
| They had like deer and elk and all kinds of shit roaming around this one island. | ||
| And then the biologist said, yeah, enough of that. | ||
| Like, this is crazy. | ||
| You got a tiny island. | ||
| All these things are breeding. | ||
| There's no predators. | ||
| Like, this is an eco-disaster that human beings have created. | ||
| So the story that I had heard was that they decided to gun them all down. | ||
| I want to find out if that's true. | ||
| Jamie, find out if that's true. | ||
| Channel Islands? | ||
| Is that what it was? | ||
| Channel Islands? | ||
| It's one of those islands. | ||
| I did a show at a military gig in one of those islands, St. Nicholas Island. | ||
| Oh yeah, you were telling me about this. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, you told me about this a while ago, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They test nuclear weapons there in the ocean. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What was that gig like? | ||
| It was just a quick gig at a bar. | ||
| It was crazy because... | ||
| The show ended at 10 and like against the bar closed at 11, but like five minutes before the bar closed, 10 military police came in and made sure it was closed. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And then we left at, when they say we're leaving at 5 in the morning, they're leaving at 5 in the morning. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| There was no lagging. | ||
| I was running late. | ||
| They almost left without me. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| This was 5 in the morning, you were supposed to get off the base and head to your flight? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, yeah, you can't fuck around there, son. | ||
| We did some UFCs at military bases. | ||
| We did quite a few of them there. | ||
| We did the one down in San Diego. | ||
| We've done them in Texas. | ||
| We did them in North Carolina, I believe. | ||
| We did them in a lot of different places. | ||
| But they get super enthusiastic, man. | ||
| Fights on the bases, and they would be on... | ||
| I think they did it on Spike TV. I think that was on Spike at the time. | ||
| But it was heavy shit, man. | ||
| It was interesting. | ||
| Really interesting. | ||
| They might have did it on Fox, too. | ||
| Maybe on FS1. Or one of those Fox Sports channels. | ||
| Maybe Fox Sports 1. But it's like nothing else, man. | ||
| Especially military guys fight. | ||
| If one of the guys, like one time Tim Kennedy was fighting, and he's fighting Rafael Natal, who's a real world-class fighter, a real tough fight. | ||
| And Tim Kennedy caught him with a left hook. | ||
| Just boom! | ||
| Drops him with his left hook. | ||
| And then he's on top of the cage, and they're cheering him. | ||
| I mean, we had gone to break, too. | ||
| He wasn't doing this for the cameras. | ||
| He was doing this to express himself to these people that he just fought for. | ||
| They're screaming and cheering for him, and they're going nuts. | ||
| And he's pointing at them, telling them, I love you. | ||
| I love you. | ||
| I'm doing this for you guys. | ||
| It's heavy shit, man. | ||
| When a fellow soldier is at that base, and then they all cheer for him, and he wins like that. | ||
| That's intense, man. | ||
| It's intense human beings. | ||
| How appreciative were the people there for you guys? | ||
| Super, super, super appreciative. | ||
| So happy to see anybody, huh? | ||
| Not just so happy to see anybody, but to have like a crazy event, like a UFC on their base, and they get to go and see it. | ||
| You know, it's a great treat for them. | ||
| Break up the monotony of everything. | ||
| It's good for the morale, man. | ||
| Fuck yeah, man. | ||
| That's big, man. | ||
| You gotta have morale. | ||
| I mean, the Vikings knew that. | ||
| That's why they did mushrooms. | ||
| People who listen to your show, man, you don't know how happy you make them. | ||
| I run into people when they say, oh, bro, thank you for having me on. | ||
| My pleasure. | ||
| And they always talk about, oh, bro, they always say, I wake up to you, and they talk about you. | ||
| They want to be here. | ||
| They like everything you say, man. | ||
| And I remember when I was walking down the street the other day and I ran into a guy and he told me, hey man, I was locked up in Corcoran State Prison for many years and you on Last Coming Stanley helped me get through the hard times. | ||
| Our whole lot, our whole prison alley, I guess what they call it, the whole block was rooting for you. | ||
| We were going to riot if you didn't win. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And I'm thinking, wow, man, these fucking inmates are watching me and they're voting for me. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| With the prison phones. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| And I remember one of your guests was here, George Perez. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I used to write to him. | ||
| I remember one time I wrote him a seven-page letter. | ||
| Stay up, you know, and he would call me in the middle of the night. | ||
| George Perez from prison. | ||
| Like in the middle of the night. | ||
| Hey, Felipe, what are you doing? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Being free, fool? | |
| Enjoy my freedom, dog! | ||
| He goes, oh man, what's it like? | ||
| Everything's doing good, man. | ||
| He would tell me that he was doing comedy shows in prison for the guards. | ||
| For extra lunches, extra chips. | ||
| George's a funny dude, man. | ||
| He's a beast. | ||
| He's a funny guy. | ||
| He's a good joke writer, too. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| I mean, that's how Joey started, too. | ||
| Joey Diaz started in prison, making people laugh. | ||
| They would have something going on. | ||
| It would be boring. | ||
| They'd be like, throw the Cuban up there! | ||
| Throw the Cuban up there! | ||
| And Joey would go up there and make everybody laugh. | ||
| That's how he got started, man. | ||
| That was a big part of what gave him the confidence. | ||
| When you started, did you go at it or did you go read a book or did you know what you were going to do when you started stand-up? | ||
| How did you approach it? | ||
| I just went to an open mic night and I got real lucky that it was available, that you could sign up. | ||
| Where was it? | ||
| Boston, Stitches, August 27th, 1988. And you could just sign up. | ||
| You could just go in there and put your name into the hat. | ||
| And, you know, they had to pick X amount of people. | ||
| I forget how many, 20 people or something like that. | ||
| And everybody does like five minutes. | ||
| And I just got lucky. | ||
| I went up and... | ||
| Just said, wow, I think I can do this. | ||
| I wasn't good, but I was definitely thinking, this is something that you could get better at. | ||
| You could figure it out, and you could do it. | ||
| But I remember thinking, there's no way I'm going to ever be able to have a real job. | ||
| I'm just too dysfunctional. | ||
| Way too dysfunctional. | ||
| I was way too crazy. | ||
| I had a lot of drive, but the idea of being in an office and being trapped like that, I felt like a caged-in alley cat. | ||
| There's no way, man. | ||
| I gotta get the fuck out of here. | ||
| You felt there was more out there, huh? | ||
| I just was too ADD, man. | ||
| It might not have even been an ambition thing as much of an intolerance thing. | ||
| Wasn't that I had like this grand plan for myself like I thought I deserve better and I'm gonna be the top of this fucking kick-ass It was that I couldn't do that. | ||
| I can't do it There's something about me like monotonous boring shit. | ||
| My brain is screaming for new experiences always that's my number like It's a good thing, but it's also a bad thing because sometimes you can't concentrate on things because you want to think about other things that are better and more crazy and more exciting, more fun. | ||
| So it's like trying to manage that mindset with a regular job is almost impossible. | ||
| To me, I just couldn't do it. | ||
| I tried. | ||
| I was just too... | ||
| I didn't give a fuck. | ||
| I wanted to quit. | ||
| Done. | ||
| Can't do this. | ||
| I felt like it was just a constant grind on your skin. | ||
| Just pulling your skin down and dragging you into this state... | ||
| Where you didn't want to exist. | ||
| You know, and some people are different. | ||
| Some people have no problem. | ||
| They find a great job. | ||
| They're super happy. | ||
| They make friends with the people they work with. | ||
| And every day is a pleasure. | ||
| And they just get in there and they laugh and joke around. | ||
| But I'm too fucked up. | ||
| I can't sit still. | ||
| I have a million other things that I want to do. | ||
| While someone's talking to me about some boring shit, I've got like five other things I want to do. | ||
| I'm like, I can't do this. | ||
| I got to get out of here. | ||
| Like, I can't take this. | ||
| So I was like stir crazy if I had a regular job. | ||
| Me, I was in rehab in 1992. I was in drug rehab for crack. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bam! | |
| I was out. | ||
| And when I was in there, somebody asked me, what are your goals in life? | ||
| What do you want to do? | ||
| And I remember there was a bunch of heroin addicts, guys from prisoners. | ||
| It was a rehab. | ||
| And then he told us to write down five things. | ||
| So I never had goals before, so I wrote down I want to be a comedian. | ||
| I want to go to Italy because I love Olive Garden and I want to be sober. | ||
| I want to go to Italy because I love Olive Garden. | ||
| Like I said, I want to go to Mexico because I love Taco Bell. | ||
| Hell yeah. | ||
| That's the same shit. | ||
| I know, right? | ||
| I want to do the real tour of Italy, not just on a plate. | ||
| So I didn't know how to go about it, man. | ||
| I just went to the Los Angeles Public Library. | ||
| This was before social media. | ||
| And I went in with my bald ass, gangster bald head. | ||
| And I told that old lady there, this old white lady, I said, listen, man, I don't know how to tell you this or how to explain this to you, okay? | ||
| I want to be a comedian. | ||
| I want to do stand-up comedy, but I don't know how to write. | ||
| I don't know how to put a joke together. | ||
| So then she put me to this, she went to this big old, you know those big old library? | ||
| Glossary cards with me. | ||
| And she found comedy writing. | ||
| And she got me this book called Comedy Writing Step by Step by Jean Perrette. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| Did you follow it? | ||
| I did. | ||
| I followed it. | ||
| I learned. | ||
| Then I would go back every day and I would rent videos of Lenny Bruce and cassettes of George Carlin from the library. | ||
| And a friend of mine, when I was a little boy, he had loaned me this VHS. And back then, if you fuck with a VHS tape, you could make it go six hours instead of a three-hour movie. | ||
| Oh yeah, you downgrade the quality? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| So I had like six comedy specials that I watched. | ||
| And they were all HBO's. | ||
| It was Holly Mandel, Paul Rodriguez, when you're wearing that little Christmas sweater. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And Sam Kinison on the Young Comedian show with Seinfeld and Jeff, Jeff, what, what? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| And I think Ronnie was hosting and the Dice Man was on that tape. | ||
| So I just got all that stuff. | ||
| That's what inspired you? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I would go to the library and I'd just write down ideas. | ||
| How old were you at the time? | ||
| I was 23, 24. And you were like, this is what I wanted. | ||
| Hell yeah. | ||
| And one day I paid 12 bucks and I went into the main room to watch a real show. | ||
| And I saw Mencia. | ||
| I saw some dude named The Todd. | ||
| The Todd! | ||
| Yeah, and I saw this old white, black dude with a fedora, white hat. | ||
| Tyree! | ||
| Dave Tyree. | ||
| Dave Tyree. | ||
| And I saw the guy that does the props. | ||
| He used to inflate his body into like an Elvis. | ||
| He's one of the blue color of comedy. | ||
| He does props. | ||
| He brings up people, I don't know. | ||
| And Luke Torres. | ||
| I saw Luke Torres. | ||
| Who was on one of the blue-collar comedians that does props? | ||
| He used to inflate himself, but he didn't tour with him, but he was on the show. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| He used to get an iron and burn himself, and then his face would be on the iron. | ||
| Oh, that's fun. | ||
| They don't do that anymore. | ||
| And then he had this bit where he's a football player, and there's people chasing him, and there's a fake football player behind him. | ||
| Oh! | ||
| Dude, wait a minute. | ||
| Was this Heath Heiss? | ||
| Heath Heiss, yes! | ||
| Dude, very funny guy. | ||
| Yeah, he's fucking hilarious. | ||
| He was a very funny guy. | ||
| Remember when he had the church sermon? | ||
| Yes! | ||
| To choir, rather, and he had all the people behind him? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, and they would move around. | ||
| He had these people behind him, and he had this whole contraption. | ||
| Yeah, he was a really funny dude. | ||
| Yeah, so that was, what year was that? | ||
| Oh, like 1994, probably. | ||
| Wow, that's when I first started going there, man. | ||
| Then from that, I just went to the Natural Fudge, and I met Brian Holtzman there, Cynthia Levine, Freddie Soto, Al Berman, the Mooney Twins, Ruby Quintana. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Crazy lineage, man. | |
| It's just an interesting art form. | ||
| You get to know these really bizarre people. | ||
| You get to get close to them. | ||
| It's a very unique way to live your life as a person in a strange group of vagabonds just trying to make people laugh. | ||
| I used to work at Dodger Stadium and I used to work at Yoshinoya when Hideo Nomo was playing. | ||
| I was cooking food every day, just making Japanese food. | ||
| Every time I would see a comedian, I would ask him for advice, you know, because I'm so young. | ||
| And I would talk to T.K. Carter. | ||
| T.K. Carter. | ||
| I remember T.K. Carter. | ||
| He was in The Thing. | ||
| Punky Brewster. | ||
| He was a teacher. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, shit. | |
| But do you remember T.K. Carter was in The Thing? | ||
| He was in a bunch of big-time movies back then. | ||
| But he was in John Carpenter's The Thing. | ||
| And there was another woman there that was, she was part of the Comedy Store strike with curly hair. | ||
| And she did a special with Paul Rodriguez from prison. | ||
| She did it with him? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What did she do? | ||
| She did stand-up comedy. | ||
| Hit her at him. | ||
| It was her, Paul Rodriguez, and Anthony Michael something. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hmm. | |
| Wow. | ||
| I forgot her name, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Old school. | |
| She's famous. | ||
| She's famous. | ||
| Old school. | ||
| Old school, man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, it's interesting. | ||
| It's so much easier to get more inspired, or to get inspired, rather, today, because kids could just watch all that stuff that you just brought up on YouTube. | ||
| On YouTube. | ||
| Plus all the shit that's happened since then. | ||
| No bus rides. | ||
| Yeah, no bus rides. | ||
| And you could do it anytime you're anywhere. | ||
| You know, you put the headphones on, bam, you're sitting there watching a comedy special. | ||
| My first comedy album I listened to was Bill Cosby, my brother Russell, whom I sleep with. | ||
| That was my first album. | ||
| Me and my friend, Jackie Escalera, he put it in in that little official price record player and I memorized it. | ||
| Up until then, I never memorized anything. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| And then, Richard Pryor, The Niggas Crazy. | ||
| That was the funniest fucking album ever. | ||
| All time great. | ||
| You can never get an album in the ghetto unless you call up and say, five niggas killing a white woman. | ||
| Where's the body? | ||
| Simple, bro. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Fuckin' so simple. | ||
| And really quick. | ||
| Real quick. | ||
| That's what good about racist jokes. | ||
| They're so easy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They're like so simple, but I didn't come up with it. | ||
| Well, that one, I mean, you got to realize the world was a different place. | ||
| When Richard Pryor was doing that, man, the world was a different place. | ||
| And to be first, too. | ||
| Well, he was not necessarily first. | ||
| I think what it is, is there's like this progression. | ||
| And I think that, you know, comedians get inspired by the other ones that are around them, and they were really just starting it in the 1950s and 60s, right? | ||
| So then there's Lenny Bruce, who's probably the first guy who does our style of comedy, of just talking about things like, what the fuck is this? | ||
| Like, what is this, ladies and gentlemen? | ||
| Why is this happening? | ||
| Who caused this? | ||
| Instead of just telling a bunch of jokes, he's talking about things and pointing things out that happen to be funny, and then Richard Pryor comes on after him and makes it way funnier. | ||
| So what he did was like the same kind of thing, but way funnier. | ||
| Like Richard Pryor, there was another level of evolution that he achieved, inspired off the work of the guys that were before him. | ||
| The Mort Sahls and the, you know, those guys inspired Pryor. | ||
| And Pryor, of course, inspires everybody. | ||
| It all comes from Pryor, like in the early. | ||
| It's like Lenny Bruce is just this genius, mind-opening guy that's dealing with people that are asleep. | ||
| He's in a world of the 1950s and 1960s where people are just asleep. | ||
| They're weird. | ||
| They're disconnected from the world around them, from critical thinking. | ||
| It's like they're just starting to wake up culturally. | ||
| And then, boom, Richard Pryor takes that and turns it into the funniest shit that anybody had ever seen. | ||
| Hell yeah. | ||
| My all-time favorite comedian has always been Richard Pryor, George Carlin, Paul Rodriguez. | ||
| There's a lot of great ones, man. | ||
| Oh, man. | ||
| There's a lot of great ones, you know? | ||
| Did you get a chance to see Richard Jenny at all? | ||
| I did. | ||
| Platypus, man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He was funny, dude. | ||
| Dude, he was funny. | ||
| He doesn't get the credit he deserves. | ||
| No, he was really funny, man. | ||
| He had a lot of those VH1 half-hour specials. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And he was on our senior hall many times. | ||
| Dude, he was on everything. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's done a bunch of Letterman's and Tonight Shows. | ||
| He did the Tonight Show a ton of times. | ||
| He was a monster. | ||
| Also, when I was working at Dodger Stadium, I saw one of my favorite comedians, and I was working. | ||
| I remember Joe was so fucking dirty. | ||
| I was greasy, bro. | ||
| I had fucking peaches of chicken on my apron, and I saw Steven Wright. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| He was buying a hot dog, and I was telling everybody, you guys don't know who that guy is? | ||
| This guy's an Oscar winner, homie. | ||
| You don't know who this fool is, bitch? | ||
| You made him super comfortable, I'm sure. | ||
| Yeah, he got very uncomfortable. | ||
| That's fucking Stephen Wright, dawg! | ||
| I said, Stephen Wright, don't go nowhere. | ||
| Felipe, you're that guy. | ||
| Don't go nowhere, dawg. | ||
| And I went around, don't go nowhere. | ||
| Don't go nowhere. | ||
| And I went around, and he goes, you ain't gonna pay for shit, alright? | ||
| And he goes, you're gonna just walk out of here. | ||
| And he walks out of there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow, that's hilarious. | |
| Then I said, I reached out to shake his hand, and he put his hand inside of his hoodie. | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| In his sleeve, and he shook my hand with the sleeve. | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| Oh, sorry. | ||
| That's alright. | ||
| He's like a germaphobe. | ||
| Oh, is he really? | ||
| I didn't even know. | ||
| But he shook my hand with cotton. | ||
| That is hilarious, dude. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| But I must have freaked him out, too, though. | ||
| Well, you know, you're a strong cup of tea. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| What's he going to do? | ||
| He's a super white guy from Boston. | ||
| I know, man. | ||
| He's like, oh no. | ||
| As soon as you say, don't go nowhere. | ||
| I get starstruck, man. | ||
| Don't invite me to places. | ||
| But don't go nowhere is a real problem statement. | ||
| When he said, don't go nowhere, he's like, oh, this is not what I'm looking for. | ||
| I'm looking for, how you doing? | ||
| You're really funny. | ||
| Thanks, bye. | ||
| Move, don't move, buddy. | ||
| That's what he's looking for. | ||
| He's looking for, hey, Stephen Wright, nice to meet you. | ||
| You're really funny. | ||
| Thank you very much. | ||
| Appreciate it. | ||
| I'm going to get a hot dog now and get the fuck out of here. | ||
| Don't go nowhere. | ||
| I remember peeing next to John Ritter at Dodger Stadium, man. | ||
| Oh, that's hilarious. | ||
| And I started humming the song. | ||
| He held his penis and started walking to the other side of the trough. | ||
| Oh, that's so funny. | ||
| That's so funny. | ||
| Here's an empty thing and one Mexican dude stand next to you humming. | ||
| That's so ridiculous. | ||
| You're ridiculous. | ||
| And I'm the only one who recognized him. | ||
| He was wearing like a beard and shades. | ||
| But I know Jack Stripper, homie. | ||
| I did an episode of News Radio with that dude. | ||
| He was a real nice guy. | ||
| That was such a bummer when he died. | ||
| He was so out of the blue. | ||
| It was like, what? | ||
| Hey, that black girl on the show, she was your girlfriend, huh, on the show? | ||
| She was whose girlfriend? | ||
| Your girlfriend, news radio? | ||
| No, she wasn't my girlfriend on the show. | ||
| I think there was one... | ||
| I thought you dated her. | ||
| There was one thing where I was... | ||
| You mean in real life? | ||
| No, you dated her on the show. | ||
| You had a crush on her. | ||
| I was trying, yeah. | ||
| Oh, I remember that, yeah. | ||
| That's what it was. | ||
| I was trying in real life. | ||
| I mean, I was trying... | ||
| Whoops. | ||
| No, she's a girlfriend. | ||
| I was not trying in real life. | ||
| In the show, my character was supposedly trying, but I don't think they were never successful. | ||
| It's hard to remember. | ||
| So long ago, you know? | ||
| I was watching a clip of it the other day online. | ||
| Somebody put something up online. | ||
| It was me and Phil Hartman. | ||
| I literally didn't even remember it. | ||
| I was watching it like it was something that wasn't even me. | ||
| I was like, this is weird. | ||
| It's weird to watch, you know? | ||
| It's weird to watch yourself when you know it's yourself, but you have no recollection of it. | ||
| And it's from 20 years ago. | ||
| It's like, what? | ||
| Is that really me? | ||
| Like, what is that? | ||
| Strange, man. | ||
| You know, when you look at Last Comic Standing, how many years ago was that? | ||
| Seven. | ||
| No, eight. | ||
| Does it freak you out when you go back and watch it? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's like, what happened? | ||
| I'm like, look at that fucking grill. | ||
| Look at that 2010 grill. | ||
| And now... | ||
| A grill? | ||
| My teeth. | ||
| What kind of grill did you have? | ||
| Oh, it was fucked up, bro. | ||
| Did you get them off feet? | ||
| Fuck, yeah. | ||
| I got those fucking teeth all removed. | ||
| And I put a little nice... | ||
| Dude, so those are man-made teeth? | ||
| These are man-made teeth that I just put in my mouth. | ||
| They look delicious. | ||
| Oh yeah, dude. | ||
| My last teeth, bro, they were like separated by birth, bro. | ||
| These fucking teeth didn't want to get along, bro. | ||
| They were like four different gangs. | ||
| How long did it take to get your teeth all fixed like that? | ||
| At first, I was trying to get the screw in my mouth to put in good fake teeth and screw them on. | ||
| But then my guns were too weak from meth and crack smoking. | ||
| So I could have spit my tooth out. | ||
| I didn't need them to pull them out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| So they just numbed me and they took all four teeth out. | ||
| Then they shaved my mouth. | ||
| I don't know what they're called. | ||
| And they took my teeth out. | ||
| They made a mold of my mouth with four perfect teeth, and they just glued it to my mouth. | ||
| Glued it? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So those are glued in place right now? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| For how long does that glue last? | ||
| Well, to as long as I keep them good. | ||
| It just cemented there. | ||
| It's permanently forever. | ||
| Wow! | ||
| With glue? | ||
| Real veneers, bro. | ||
| Look. | ||
| It looks great. | ||
| You look fantastic. | ||
| Before, my kids were fucked up, I would bite an apple, and it looked like three people bit it. | ||
| And it was blood. | ||
| Blood. | ||
| I was like, fuck, bro. | ||
| People would make fun of me. | ||
| Dog, you floss with rope or what? | ||
| It was bad, dog. | ||
| So meth is bad for your gums. | ||
| Meth is bad. | ||
| Crack is bad, too. | ||
| Bad for the gums. | ||
| Makes sense. | ||
| So you want to avoid bad teeth, snort the drugs you do. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And doesn't that fuck your teeth up too? | ||
| Doesn't that thing with cokeheads, they always get jacked up teeth because the coke gets in your mouth, still gets in there. | ||
| Somehow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's going down your throat, you're coughing. | ||
| It's in your mouth. | ||
| You got those healthy crackheads. | ||
| I brush after every puff. | ||
| That's a good move. | ||
| You got to take a swig of Listerine. | ||
| Alright, Felipe, we're already like way over three hours, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Crazy, bro. | ||
| Crazy, bro. | ||
| What's up, fool? | ||
| That blunt we smoked at the beginning. | ||
| Hell yeah, the OG Louis 13 right there. | ||
| Had me baffled. | ||
| Yeah, this is... | ||
| We didn't smoke this, though. | ||
| He lighted it up. | ||
| This Jamie Vernon blunt with the glass tips. | ||
| Can I mention I'm going to be in Jacksonville this week? | ||
| You certainly can, Felipe Esparza. | ||
| I'm going to be in Jacksonville at the Comedy Zone this week, and at the end of the month, I'll be at the Brea Improv. | ||
| And check out my dates at Felipe's World dot com slash tour. | ||
| Go see Felipe. | ||
| He's a monster. | ||
| And check out the What's Up Fool podcast, cocksucker. | ||
| What's Up Fool podcast, available on iTunes and everywhere podcasts are heard. | ||
| Man, your show, bro, being on your show, I always talk to people, you're like the Oprah Winfrey, bro. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| Everybody, people come here, I'm not saying everybody, but just the people who are real, man. | ||
| They just, people sell shit, man. | ||
| You're like... | ||
| You're like where Howard Stern was. | ||
| You're like Oprah Howard Stern in a podcast, bro. | ||
| That's very nice of you to say. | ||
| For real, man. | ||
| You have power here, bro. | ||
| You could change votes. | ||
| I don't want to do that. | ||
| I just want to have some fun. | ||
| And we had some fun. | ||
| And I love the statement you said about the kids in the cages. | ||
| That was tight. | ||
| Oh, the immigration shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Thanks, man. | ||
| Thanks. | ||
| Thank you for everything, man. | ||
| My pleasure, brother. | ||
| Thanks for coming on. | ||
| I'm glad we did this. | ||
| Thank you, bro. | ||
| We'll do it again. | ||
| We'll do it again. | ||
| Felipe, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| Go see him. | ||
| Bye. |
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