June 6, 2018 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:37:37
Participants
| 
| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
| Five, four, three, two, one. | ||
| Brian Sickler brought some Baltimore work ethic. | ||
| I can't believe you got actual pieces of paper that you brought. | ||
| What kind of comic are you? | ||
| What are you, prepared? | ||
| I'm prepared, man. | ||
| I'm prepared. | ||
| This is just shit to come back to. | ||
| That Baltimore accent is so... | ||
| I have two very good friends. | ||
| My good friend John Rollo and my good friend Ben O'Brien. | ||
| Both from Baltimore. | ||
| Both got that weird... | ||
| If you don't know that Baltimore... | ||
| Yeah, it's a weird accent. | ||
| It's like, what is that? | ||
| Hey, Joe Rogan. | ||
| Hey, Joe Rogan. | ||
| I love your podcast, Joe. | ||
| It's a weird accent. | ||
| It's so fucking weird. | ||
| And people there, like, hardcore, they say shit like for zinc, they'll say zinc. | ||
| Kitchen zinc. | ||
| What? | ||
| Ambulance. | ||
| Kitchen zinc. | ||
| I didn't realize I had a southern accent until I moved here, and I still don't believe I have a southern accent. | ||
| I'll give it a draw. | ||
| I'll give it a draw. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It is a southern accent, but it's a different one. | |
| It's not Alabama. | ||
| That's Mississippi South. | ||
| It's a friendly southern accent. | ||
| Like, it's not like, man, I can't talk to this motherfucker. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But it's like, oh, where are you from? | ||
| It's one of those. | ||
| People are always surprised when I say Maryland. | ||
| But when you get into pockets of, like, Virginia, they've got a southern accent there. | ||
| Even when you go into, like, Indiana, there's certain areas of Indiana that have a southern accent and other places that don't. | ||
| Like, it's really weird about these little settlements and they've just developed these accents that just stay there. | ||
| I think Baltimore is one of the most misunderstood though. | ||
| That's a weird one. | ||
| Because it's a big city. | ||
| I mean, Baltimore is a big city. | ||
| They call it the big little city. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, how many people in Baltimore, if you had a guess? | ||
| A couple million? | ||
| I'd say that's fair. | ||
| Yeah, that's a fucking city. | ||
| It's a big city. | ||
| Bigger than San Diego, right? | ||
| Yes, yeah. | ||
| And older. | ||
| It's got history, you know. | ||
| That's the thing. | ||
| A lot of history. | ||
| But that weird-ass accent, that if you don't know anybody from Baltimore, you don't know that accent. | ||
| My buddy owns a junkyard in the city, and I took Jay back when we were on tour. | ||
| I was like, you gotta come meet him, see this junkyard and shit. | ||
| You know, people drop. | ||
| He's like, oh, we're doing everything. | ||
| And he's like, did you just put a K on the end of that right there? | ||
| Everything? | ||
| Everything, yeah. | ||
| You guys don't know anything you're doing over there. | ||
| And also, for years, I said Washington, D.C. Washer and dryer. | ||
| Because everyone there says it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| And one day somebody said, wait, what'd you say? | ||
| I said, put it in the washer. | ||
| And they're like, spell washer. | ||
| W-A-S-H-E-R. Like, there's no R in that. | ||
| And I was like, huh? | ||
| And I started saying to myself, I'm like, oh my God. | ||
| I do fucking say Washington and Warsher. | ||
| So I trained myself to get out of that. | ||
| But anytime I see something political on TV, if I hear someone say, we're in Washington, then I'm like, oh, you're from that area. | ||
| The same way with the days of the week I was telling you, Monday, Tuesday, we do our podcast, Crab Feast comes out every Tuesday, and I listen to announcers like Phil Simms. | ||
| He's like, well, they were working out on Monday. | ||
| And I'm like, yeah, you're probably from that area. | ||
| That's how I pick up little shit like that. | ||
| Yeah, well, I grew up in Boston. | ||
| That's an obvious accent. | ||
| Everybody knows that accent. | ||
| But you don't have it. | ||
| I got rid of it. | ||
| Oh, so you did have it. | ||
| I shook it loose. | ||
| Yeah, but if you hear me from like to that well like early before pre 2000 I had it You know, I just I heard it too much. | ||
| I heard it in my own voice. | ||
| I was like ew And I got rid of it first time I heard I was 19 I did this thing I was on local television at 19 and I heard my vote my accent I was like what in the fuck is that sound coming out of my mouth? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I gotta correct that Do you ever slip into it? | |
| If I'm hammered. | ||
| If I'm hammered and I'm around Boston people, it'll come out a little bit. | ||
| But just a touch. | ||
| Just a touch. | ||
| Otherwise, it would be fake. | ||
| Mine comes out more. | ||
| Like, I'll go home for a week in the summer, and just by midweek, I'm just talking way. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You're home. | |
| Oh, yeah, I'm home. | ||
| Home. | ||
| I'm home on the phone right now. | ||
| That's another one dropping an N on the end of now. | ||
| We're going to come over right now. | ||
| Now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like what? | |
| You swallow your L's. | ||
| You say, let me get a salad. | ||
| And, uh, Billy? | ||
| Billy, what do you want to have? | ||
| He's going to have a salad, too. | ||
| He's out in the alley right now. | ||
| Like, there's no L. There's no L. How weird is that? | ||
| There's no L. Some people, I say Baltimore with a D. I put a touch of a D on it. | ||
| Bald. | ||
| Baltimore. | ||
| Baltimore. | ||
| Versus Baltimore. | ||
| Like Baltimore. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Right. | ||
| But, I bet your friends probably say Balmer. | ||
| That's how, like, a hardcore, like, when you ask, you know, out here you can ask anyone where you're from. | ||
| When you ask somebody back there, they're like, they don't even say, like, another area of Maryland. | ||
| They just go, here. | ||
| You know, I haven't left here. | ||
| This fucking block right here. | ||
| Like, what are you talking about? | ||
| This is where I'm from. | ||
| Like, this fucking house right here. | ||
| Yeah, man, there's something about me that envies people that are just, like, super locals. | ||
| They just say, fuck it, this is my spot. | ||
| That's another great name, Super Locals. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| That's the truth. | ||
| There's people that are like that, right? | ||
| They just, like, this is where I fucking live. | ||
|
unidentified
|
This is my bar, yeah. | |
| I'm like Denver, Colorado. | ||
| Every place else can go fuck off. | ||
| There's people like that. | ||
| I mean, it's like there's something to that, right? | ||
| You know that spot, and you're like, I get it. | ||
| I get the rest of the country. | ||
| Good luck. | ||
| Good luck with all that. | ||
| If you didn't live here, chasing those Hollywood dreams, where would you be? | ||
| In a perfect world, I'd probably have a house right on the Wye River in Maryland. | ||
| Salt water. | ||
| I'd have four-wheelers. | ||
| I'd throw some traps out in the water on Monday. | ||
| Oh, crab traps! | ||
| Yeah, bro. | ||
| Now, this is how you say the day Saturday. | ||
| By Saturday, we'll have a fucking crab feast. | ||
| Goddamn right. | ||
| Hence the podcast name. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's right. | |
| And every week, I would have my own. | ||
| I'd just throw them out there. | ||
| Because that's one thing I really miss about Maryland. | ||
| Like, the sushi out here is phenomenal. | ||
| But the seafood there is... | ||
| Different. | ||
| We could go to a dive bar right now and have a plate, a bucket of rocks, like little pony rolling rocks, and a plate of Muscles Marinara that will blow any fucking restaurant out here out in a dive blues bar. | ||
| I miss the readiness and availability of delicious seafood everywhere I go. | ||
| That's interesting. | ||
| Yeah, there's not a lot of really good seafood restaurants. | ||
| There's just sushi out here. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's a real good point. | ||
| It's like, what do you get out here for seafood? | ||
| Like, someone will have salmon on the menu, or maybe there's like haddock or something like that, or halibut. | ||
| You know, there's not like, like back home in Boston, it was legal seafoods was a big joint. | ||
| Yes, 100%. | ||
| I mean, people went to a seafood restaurant. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Seafood restaurants, not popular out here. | ||
| No. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Why is that? | |
| And we're on the water. | ||
| I mean, we're a coastal fucking state. | ||
| Like, why aren't we embracing? | ||
| There's an ocean right there. | ||
| Why aren't we embracing that? | ||
| Not only that, you go to that ocean, there's hardly anybody fishing. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| That's a weird one. | ||
| Like, California, like, go to the, like, all up by Santa Monica, like, Malibu, hardly anybody fishing. | ||
| You might see one or two people. | ||
| I just looked up best bass fishing out here in California. | ||
| My brother just bought a place in Delaware. | ||
| The water's brackish, but it's not enough to keep crabs. | ||
| But he's pulling out largemouth and sending me pictures. | ||
| I'm like, good for you, and go fuck yourself, man. | ||
| He just... | ||
| I mean, nice, big, fat ones. | ||
| Out here, they grow them big, man. | ||
| They do. | ||
| They say Castaic's good. | ||
| Yep, Castaic. | ||
| I've got to get up there and go again. | ||
| But Pyramid, they said. | ||
| Yep, Pyramid's beautiful. | ||
| I feel like Pyramid dried up a little bit. | ||
| No, no, you can drive by it. | ||
| You can? | ||
| Yeah, I drive by it on the way up to Tejon Ranch. | ||
| It's a beautiful lake. | ||
| Pyramid's like one of them lost lakes that people don't know about. | ||
| But yeah, I would live there on the water. | ||
| And I mean, I miss... | ||
| My dad was in outdoors. | ||
| I was talking to you about this at the comedy store. | ||
| My dad hunted and stuff, but fished. | ||
| But he really got us into crabbing and not just throwing traps in the water. | ||
| We used to... | ||
| We had a trot line. | ||
| We used to run a trot line. | ||
| So this is... | ||
| If I could... | ||
| My father died when I was 16. I've always thought about this. | ||
| If I had 24 hours... | ||
| If my dad could come back here right now for 24 hours, what would I do? | ||
| And we'd be up on the water crabbing at 5 a.m., sun up, that's right when you're allowed to start dipping, and then home by 11, and then steam them up, have a big-ass fucking crab feast, and probably watch a game. | ||
| I'd be like, hey, these are the Ravens. | ||
| They weren't here when you died. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And then play catch into the night. | ||
| That would be what I would do. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| We had... | ||
| So he had a friend that lived on the Eastern Shore that was a crab... | ||
| Crabberman, I guess. | ||
| But he taught us how to do a homemade one. | ||
| So we had this... | ||
| He went and bought this John boat. | ||
| This old wood John boat. | ||
| What's a John boat? | ||
| John boat's a flat bottom boat versus the V bottom. | ||
| And it was wood, not aluminum. | ||
| This one was white, painted up. | ||
| Just a beater, you know. | ||
| And we had a Johnson... | ||
| Motor. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Every time I hear that Alan Jackson song, Drive, he talks about a 75 Johnson with an electric choke. | ||
| I'm like, oh, he's taking me back. | ||
| So that was our boat. | ||
| That was our little rig. | ||
| It's me and my two brothers and my dad. | ||
| And what you do to do a homemade one, you take a bucket, 5-gallon bucket, or even just a smaller one, just some quick-crete with an eye hook in it, okay? | ||
| Tie your rope here to some chain. | ||
| Other side of the chain, another rope, up to a Clorox bottle. | ||
| So that's your float on this side, okay? | ||
| Chain, 50 yards of rope, chain, 50 yards. | ||
| Same setup I just told you on the other end. | ||
| So the Clarks bottle is just so you know where you are? | ||
| That's right. | ||
| That's your beginning and your end. | ||
| And then every three feet, and this dude was so ahead of his time. | ||
| We're talking about... | ||
| Mid-80s. | ||
| Mid to late 80s were doing this. | ||
| He's like, go to the butcher and get bull lips. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bull lips? | |
| Yeah, the discarded lips of bulls. | ||
| Actual bull lips. | ||
| And that's going to be your bait, because crabs are the biggest scavengers. | ||
| You can use... | ||
| Chicken necks are popular. | ||
| That's an easy one, because you just go to the grocery store. | ||
| But you've got to go to a fucking butcher to get bull lips. | ||
| I don't know anybody's got those at the grocery store. | ||
| Why is it more effective? | ||
| It's just stank and nasty. | ||
| Like using chicken liver for catfish? | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| But also, it's durable. | ||
| Because these things are eating it. | ||
| That's going to be your line for most of the summer. | ||
| You might have to replace one or two, but that's a durable bait that can withstand crabs tearing it up for three months. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Three months? | ||
| Well, if you're going out over the summer, I'm saying, let's say you go crabbing ten times during the summer, you can probably get away with that whole trot line. | ||
| Maybe replace one or two that might slip out. | ||
| Because you freeze it. | ||
| So... | ||
| All right. | ||
| You freeze the lips. | ||
| Yeah, well, you tie them every three feet. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| And then that's your trot line. | ||
| How big is a bull lip? | ||
| About that big, but fat. | ||
| Like a couple inches. | ||
| Well, they cut them. | ||
| I'm sorry. | ||
| Yeah, they'll slice them. | ||
| So they look almost like fat eels, you know, little tiny, or leeches. | ||
| Let me say leeches. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, wow. | |
| Leeches. | ||
| So then you get out, you're allowed sun up. | ||
| You're only allowed two bushel without a permit, a license. | ||
| So we're out there. | ||
| Without a commercial license? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Two bushel's a lot. | ||
| What's two bushel like? | ||
| What does that look like? | ||
| Two bushel baskets, like apple baskets. | ||
| But you're getting, that's the thing is, you buy them, you'll get maybe seven, eight dozen. | ||
| But if you're going out, you're throwing the shit away. | ||
| You'd pay good money for it at the store because you're getting the best. | ||
| Big suckers. | ||
| There is nothing better than pulling it right out of the water and taking it home and eating it. | ||
| Not getting it from the store, not being, you know, who knows how they stored it. | ||
| And there's dudes on the side of the road that when they have more, they'll just pull over in their pickup truck, they'll put a fucking cardboard sign down, 20 bucks, bushel, and you just get them and go. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| That's something I miss. | ||
| Damn, you make me hungry, dude. | ||
| I'm dude. | ||
| These are what kind of blue crabs? | ||
| Blue crabs, that's right. | ||
| So you get out, you put a little 2x4 across your oar holes, drop your bolts in there. | ||
| That's your wood. | ||
| At the end, you have an empty spool, a rope, okay? | ||
| Empty one. | ||
| And you just stealth. | ||
| Everything we were talking about, those slow-riding Harleys, you stealth. | ||
| Ride your boat. | ||
| And you've got to be steady. | ||
| Someone reaches over, they pull the rope up, put it on the spool, and then your natural progression forward slowly brings the line up and then sets it back down in the water. | ||
| And you've got to go slow because you're pulling those crabs up from the bottom. | ||
| They'll stay on the whole time. | ||
| And then you're just fucking dipping and dumping, dipping and dumping. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| And then the tide will come in. | ||
| You hop out of the boat, swim around a little bit. | ||
| You get the soft crabs. | ||
| The ones that are coming closer to shore to molt their shells so they can get bigger. | ||
| And then those you take. | ||
| We get about a six, eight of those. | ||
| Take those home. | ||
| Crab. | ||
| You're having a time of your fucking life. | ||
| Soft shell crabs are fantastic. | ||
| It's so good. | ||
| Those are so good with lemon and butter. | ||
| Yeah! | ||
| My stomach turned. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| That's what I would do. | ||
| That's exactly where I'd be. | ||
| Dude, I ran into John Reap last night. | ||
| You know, Reap is a road warrior, you know, constantly on the road. | ||
| And we were talking last night. | ||
| He's like, I'm not sure why I'm still in L.A. He goes, I don't have to live here. | ||
| He's like, I'm here all the time. | ||
| I'm doing sets and everything like that. | ||
| He goes, but I'm on the road, man. | ||
| And I go, where are you going to move to? | ||
| And he goes, dude, I'm going to get a fucking house on the lake in North Carolina. | ||
| I'm like, That doesn't sound amazing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm going to keep talking. | |
| I'm going to take my pants off. | ||
| Tell me more. | ||
| You got woods out there, man? | ||
| What's it look like? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What's it look like in the lake? | |
| How clear is the water? | ||
| That sounds perfect to me. | ||
| I got a buddy who's got a place in Coeur d'Alene and they sent pictures. | ||
| Dude, you could be in like 60 feet of water and you take a picture and you see every pebble on the bottom of the water. | ||
| I mean, it was just crazy. | ||
| Crystal clear. | ||
| It's like a big ol' bottle of Fiji. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You just see everything on the bottom. | ||
| Big ol' northern pike swimming around in there. | ||
| Yeah! | ||
| Idaho, baby! | ||
| Fishing, crabbing. | ||
| Yeah, I've been to Coeur d'Alene, Idaho, driving to Montana from Seattle, coming through there. | ||
| I've never been to Idaho. | ||
| I'm going for the first time. | ||
| I'm in Boise this month, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
All right. | |
| Soon. | ||
| Sometime soon. | ||
| I love that. | ||
| I just love country. | ||
| I mean, I was born in the city, but we only lived there until my parents had my younger brother. | ||
| Almost when we were four, we got out of there. | ||
| Bigger house, more land and stuff like that. | ||
| You live in a row home, there's no... | ||
| I mean, our backyard was the size of this table, you know what I mean? | ||
| So I grew up out in the county, about 20 miles or so outside the city, and my dad was like, look, I want you to get a good school education, but all of my family was in Baltimore. | ||
| He's like, that's where you're going to go get your street education. | ||
| I'm so glad, because I see shit from a mile away. | ||
| A mile away. | ||
| Larson's always like, I don't even know how you do it. | ||
| We were at Denver. | ||
| We were in Denver at the end of 2016. We were doing our tour. | ||
| And we like to walk home from the shows at night. | ||
| We'll smoke a little joint, take a walk, enjoy your city, whatever. | ||
| And he's like, oh, there's nothing wrong with Denver. | ||
| I'm like, Denver's got a cops episode, bro. | ||
| You know, like, settle down. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| There's some spots. | ||
|
unidentified
|
There's a couple pockets. | |
| There's some spots where you can go wrong. | ||
| We're about to take this walkway underneath this tunnel, and this sketchy fucking white dude sketched out just starts circling us with those dark eyes and this crazy smile, and traffic is hauling ass right close by us, right? | ||
| And Jay's like, what are we gonna do? | ||
| And I was like... | ||
| We're gonna stay over here by this traffic, and if that dude charges us, I'm shoving him right into that fucking traffic. | ||
| That's exactly what the fuck we're gonna do. | ||
| I'll bait him over here, just shove him right out there, let those cars kill us. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I was ready to go. | |
| Damn. | ||
| Because he said, have a good night. | ||
| He said shit like, yeah, he was saying shit like that, and I was like... | ||
| Oh, one of those guys. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What do you do if you kill someone like that? | ||
| Do you tell anybody? | ||
| Like, it's just you and Jay. | ||
| Well, these days, everything's on camera. | ||
| What cameras? | ||
| There's an eye in the sky. | ||
| Eye in the sky. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| I would tell. | ||
| Yeah, I would tell. | ||
| That one I would, because I feel like that's self-defense. | ||
| Even if you're leaning toward me the wrong way, you say something like that. | ||
| People find out about it. | ||
| They bring it up at your show. | ||
| Hey, bro! | ||
| Kill any people today? | ||
| Kill any veterans? | ||
| Shove a guy in the traffic, man? | ||
| Kill any veterans? | ||
| You know, the guy's a veteran. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's right. | |
| What if he is? | ||
| Could be PTSD all fucked up. | ||
| You're right. | ||
| And then I start a movement. | ||
| Be careful. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, you're right. | |
| Maybe the guy just needs a hug. | ||
| Problem is you never know. | ||
| Not when you say shit like that and you circle. | ||
| And he circled us like four times. | ||
| He just kept circling. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I hadn't thought to ask if he wanted a hug. | ||
| I'm going to try that shit next time. | ||
| Hey man, you want a hug? | ||
| Yeah! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah! | |
| When you hear I was stabbed to death on the sidewalk in Denver, just know I tried to hug it out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You ever been outside of Denver, like Evergreen? | ||
| You ever go up there? | ||
| I've been to... | ||
| No, I haven't been to Evergreen. | ||
| I've been to Colorado Springs. | ||
| Evergreen has... | ||
| The Northern Pike has a cousin, the muskie. | ||
| It's their evil cousin. | ||
| They eat ducks and shit. | ||
| You ever see a musk-a-lunge? | ||
| No. | ||
| Dude. | ||
| They eat whole ducks? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| They're prehistoric. | ||
| I'm gonna look that shit up. | ||
| It's a giant-ass fish, but when I was up there, the week... | ||
| I was up there, someone on Facebook or something like that, I was like, damn, Evergreen's beautiful. | ||
| This place is gorgeous. | ||
| And I just was looking up shit on Evergreen and I saw some guy pulled one through the ice that was fat around like a girl's waist. | ||
| See if you get that. | ||
| That's what they look like. | ||
| Holy shit! | ||
| It's a big-ass animal. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Holy shit! | |
| Yeah, that could eat a duck. | ||
| That guy caught that one in Wisconsin. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Look at that one above it. | ||
| Look at that one above it. | ||
| Look at the size of that fox. | ||
| And they look like tigers, too. | ||
| They're stripes. | ||
| That's a tiger meets a python meets a fish. | ||
| Yeah, it's an evil fish. | ||
| They're fucking prehistoric, and they're ruthless, man. | ||
| I mean, I feel like you'd be fighting that thing like a marlin for like two hours. | ||
| Yeah, especially if you have light tackle. | ||
| Do you need to be strapped in a chair for that thing? | ||
| No, but... | ||
| Look at that! | ||
| Four people holding that one. | ||
| Holy shit! | ||
| You're gonna battle. | ||
| Look at the fucker. | ||
| Oh, that's not a muskie. | ||
| That doesn't look like a muskie to me. | ||
| That looks like a gar. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| The caption says arapaima. | ||
| Oh, arapaima. | ||
| Yeah, that's that gigantic fish that lives in Bolivia, in Ecuador. | ||
| Arapaima is a fish that lives in the Amazon, I believe, somewhere in the rainforest. | ||
| And the locals used to catch them all the time. | ||
| It was like a big thing for their food, but they're worth so much money for Americans to go down and fish for them, and now they protect them. | ||
| My good friend Steve Rinella has a podcast called Meat Eater. | ||
| And he went down and filmed episodes. | ||
| He also has a TV show. | ||
| And they filmed some episodes of their show in Peru and in Bolivia. | ||
| And those people, the locals, they make whatever money that they actually do make, they make a big portion of it. | ||
| Some of them do. | ||
| Helping people fish for these things. | ||
| You know, acting as a guide. | ||
| The size of these things. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Prehistoric giant animal. | ||
| And they survive in water when there's a drought, so when the water gets super low, they're surviving in water where literally the water's up to half their face, and they're waddling around. | ||
| So you could just walk right up to them and catch them. | ||
| Damn, I wouldn't walk up to anything with teeth like that. | ||
| Well, they don't have teeth as big as the muskies. | ||
| If you go back, Jamie, to those pictures, see, there's a bunch of them in water where their upper body is exposed. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The water is so shallow. | ||
| And they're so enormous. | ||
| I mean, these are huge, huge fish. | ||
| These are dinosaur fish. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You ever seen a gar? | ||
| Do you know what a gar looks like? | ||
| Pull up an alligator gar. | ||
| Alligator gar, that is a truly prehistoric fish. | ||
| I don't think it's changed in millions and millions of years. | ||
| That's an alligator gar. | ||
| Holy shit! | ||
| I've never seen that thing in my life. | ||
| Yeah, these things live in Texas. | ||
| They're here in the States? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, people fish for them. | ||
| And they get fucking huge. | ||
| Oh, man. | ||
| Look, that one right there is clear that it is a head of an alligator in the body of a fish. | ||
| It's called a what? | ||
| An alligator gar. | ||
| And their body is armored. | ||
| Those scales, you have to cut through them with wire cutters. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| If you try to cut through that shit with a regular buck knife or something like that, No offense to Buck. | ||
| You know, like a Swiss Army knife or some shit? | ||
| It's not good enough, man. | ||
| Look at the size of that one that guy's holding in the water. | ||
| Look at the fucking size of that thing. | ||
| Pull up giant alligator gar. | ||
| See if you... | ||
| Because I think they get into the hundreds of pounds. | ||
| I mean, what are you catching these with? | ||
| What is bait for this like? | ||
| That's a good question. | ||
| Something big. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| Look at the one in the upper right hand corner. | ||
| Look at his arm and the mouth of that fucker. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jesus Christ! | |
| If I saw a glimpse of that pop up out of the water, I'd cut my own line. | ||
| I'd say, fuck that fish. | ||
| Look at that thing. | ||
| It's such a creepy old dinosaur. | ||
| I mean, it towers over that guy. | ||
| It's not even close. | ||
| Eight feet, three inches long. | ||
| 230 pounds. | ||
| Holy shit! | ||
| And that's a freshwater animal, too. | ||
|
unidentified
|
327! | |
| Oh my god! | ||
| Broken Bow Lake, Oklahoma. | ||
| God! | ||
| Look at that thing! | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's ridiculous! | |
| That is so crazy! | ||
| It looks like two dolphins stuck together. | ||
| Look at that thing! | ||
| Fuck! | ||
| And you eat them! | ||
| Look at that! | ||
| That's edible? | ||
| Once you cut through that? | ||
| It tastes good! | ||
| You cut through all that? | ||
| They caught that one in Nicaragua. | ||
| So I guess they're all over the place. | ||
| They're everywhere. | ||
| But yeah, you take them, you gotta cut through that scale, that scaly outside with wire cutters, and then once you get through all that, you take the meat, and they really like the smoke in it. | ||
| They put it on a smoker, that's apparently the best way. | ||
| Look at this guy's little baby ones and his fish tank. | ||
| They're a vicious little creature. | ||
| I mean, that's what blows me away, is they start that small. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And he's fucking with them right here. | ||
| Yeah, I think you can have him in a fish tank. | ||
| Oh, he's feeding him a fish. | ||
| Oh yeah, that's a whole fish. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Dinosaurs, bro. | ||
| Man! | ||
| Yeah, how long have alligator guards been around? | ||
| Find out. | ||
| I think, I'm going to guess. | ||
| I'm going to guess. | ||
| 30 million years they've been that way. | ||
| Might be more. | ||
| 30 million years? | ||
| Well, alligators, I think, they've been around before the dinosaurs. | ||
| That's a straight dinosaur. | ||
| Yeah, they've been around, I think, in the same form since before that meteor hit. | ||
| Looking like that? | ||
| Yeah, I think so. | ||
| Might be wrong. | ||
|
unidentified
|
First description is 1803. The first description of them? | |
| Yeah, but like, how long have they been in that form? | ||
| I don't know how you find that out. | ||
| How would you find that out? | ||
| Eh, whatever. | ||
| Old as fuck. | ||
| Dinosaur fish. | ||
| I mean, I'm used to seeing those people pull out big carp and catfish, but I've never seen anything like that. | ||
| Yeah, those are big-ass fish. | ||
| They bow hunt for them, too. | ||
| That's what I was going to ask you. | ||
| That one picture looked like it had a bow in it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Okay, so they do. | ||
| Yeah, a lot of people do that. | ||
| You go in those rivers, and they do it at night, too. | ||
| They'll have, like, spotlights. | ||
| So you see the fish in the water. | ||
| You're shooting something that's, like, six feet away from you. | ||
| And they use, like, recurve bows that are made designed just for bow fishing. | ||
| And they have, like, a spool on it. | ||
| And you shoot into it, and then they just pull it in by hand. | ||
| Where they have a reel that's attached to it. | ||
| I was gonna say, how the hell are they pulling that thing in? | ||
| Forever. | ||
| 300 pounds. | ||
| Yeah, it takes forever. | ||
| Yeah, there's some videos of guys catching them. | ||
| It's fucking crazy when you watch them fight these things. | ||
| See if you get a video of a guy catching an alligator gar. | ||
| What kind of test line you gotta have for an alligator gar? | ||
| Braided. | ||
| Braided line. | ||
| They have that, like, heavy-duty braided line. | ||
| And they use a leader, like a wire leader. | ||
| Big-ass fucking hooks. | ||
| Damn. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Go for up to 40 grand for a... | ||
| Aquarium in the Japanese black market, it says. | ||
| 40 grand? | ||
| Those little ones like we just saw? | ||
| I didn't say the size, it just says that the... | ||
| 40 grand? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| In Japan, huh? | ||
| Yeah, 15 to as high as 40. Oh, did you say black markets? | ||
| It's probably illegal to import them. | ||
| Yeah, there's an article of someone getting arrested for it. | ||
| Oh, dude. | ||
| There was, in Maryland, this thing happened. | ||
| I don't know the full story, but they were called snakeheads. | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| And I think somebody put them in the water. | ||
| Yeah, they're from Africa. | ||
| And they bred. | ||
| Whoa! | ||
| Look at that thing. | ||
| Yeah, they take over, those snakeheads. | ||
| That's a real common thing. | ||
| And sometimes what they do is they'll poison everything in the lake to kill the snakeheads and then start from scratch. | ||
| And then restock the lake. | ||
| So that's definitely somebody put that in there. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, definitely. | ||
| I think snakeheads, like I said, I think they're from Africa. | ||
| But they're from somewhere else, for sure. | ||
| You know what? | ||
|
unidentified
|
This guy. | |
| Yeah, this guy. | ||
| He's got a fucking monster on there. | ||
| How do you get the hook out of that mouth? | ||
| I mean, maybe it's just too tired by the end and just gives up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Maybe. | |
| Look at that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But again, they're good to eat. | ||
| Apparently they taste delicious. | ||
| Especially when you smoke them. | ||
| It's got to feel good to fight that thing all day, bring it in and eat it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's got to feel good. | ||
| I've caught some pretty good sized fish, but nothing like that. | ||
| I caught a marlin once. | ||
| Did you? | ||
| Yeah, it was like 70 pounds. | ||
| Not a giant one. | ||
| You know, but it was like five minutes into fishing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How long did it take you to bring it in? | ||
| About a half hour. | ||
| That's damn good. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It wasn't that big. | ||
| 70 pounds for Marlins. | ||
| Not the biggest. | ||
| The guy on the boat said that they've caught him close to 1,000 pounds. | ||
| 1,000? | ||
| Yeah, Marlins are giant. | ||
| Shit. | ||
| I think. | ||
| I think they go 1,000 pounds. | ||
| They're fucking huge. | ||
| What's a world record Marlin? | ||
| Find that out. | ||
| But apparently, like right off of Malibu, Malibu Sport Fishing, it's a great place to go fishing. | ||
| It's just there's not a lot of people out here that go. | ||
| I went deep sea fishing, it's a while ago now, off of, I think it might have been out of Huntington. | ||
| We rented a boat, just like six of us. | ||
| The world record is 1,376 pounds, caught off of Kona in 1982. Woo! | ||
| That's a big fish. | ||
| Damn. | ||
| 20... | ||
| Damn. | ||
| Man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Pff! | |
| I mean, that's a boat. | ||
| Yeah, that's a giant fish. | ||
| And they fly through the air too when you're fighting them. | ||
| It's pretty fucking cool. | ||
| Yeah, they get up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, I went deep sea fishing out here. | ||
| It was like six of us because I didn't want to do the, you know, fucking everybody leaning over your face and sticking you and shit. | ||
| So we go out here. | ||
| It's in the morning, you know, before the sun comes up. | ||
| And we're heading out to meet the sardine boat that's coming back in. | ||
| That's going to sell bait to everybody. | ||
| We're getting everything. | ||
| These guys knew what they were doing. | ||
| Everything fresh, everything fresh. | ||
| And just as the sun starts coming up, we hit a pot of dolphins. | ||
| I mean, baby ones, everything. | ||
| And I just was like, if I don't catch a fish all fucking day, this is already worth it. | ||
| I mean, they're just right next to us playing, playing. | ||
| And if this guy was so good, if we didn't drop our line and pull something up on the first one, he'd pick them up and he'd take us with his depth finder, go find something else. | ||
| And we'd go by those big boats of everybody reaching across. | ||
| He'd be like, look at that, guys. | ||
| That could be you today. | ||
| We're having beer. | ||
| We're having lunch. | ||
| But I didn't know. | ||
| I just never considered it, but I didn't know a fish could get the bends. | ||
| It fucked me up when I saw that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, when you pulled them up? | |
| Yeah, because the eyes were all... | ||
| It looked like it had a tongue sticking out and shit. | ||
| I'm like, what is this? | ||
| He's like, you gave it the bends. | ||
| I'm like, oh, that makes sense. | ||
| I'm bringing it up, and I guess a fish can get the bends. | ||
| Best fucking fish. | ||
| So, guy, you know, on the way back in, he's cleaning it, packs it all up nice for you. | ||
| It's out here? | ||
| Yeah, it was out here. | ||
| Where'd you go? | ||
| It was off of Huntington, I think, out of Huntington Beach. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| You just hit him up, and it's like a dude that owns his own boat, and he's like, six of you come. | ||
| We'll have plenty of room. | ||
| You guys can walk to the front and back of the boat, fish wherever you want. | ||
| You had a choice to either chum for shark or fish, and he's like, It's hours of me chumming. | ||
| It's kind of boring until we actually start getting at it. | ||
| So if you want to fish, we'll do this. | ||
| So we did that. | ||
| Dude packs it all up so nice for us. | ||
| I'm all excited. | ||
| I just moved out here not long. | ||
| I'm living in this dump in North Hollywood. | ||
| I put my fish in the fucking freezer and the fridge went dead. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I never got a bite of it at all. | |
| I came home and stunk so bad. | ||
| I called my buddy. | ||
| I'm like, I'm coming over to have some of your fucking fish. | ||
| My fish is all ruined. | ||
| Damn. | ||
| But it was such a good time. | ||
| You gotta be careful eating sharks today. | ||
| People get mad at you for sharks. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, it's a new thing. | ||
| People think that sharks are endangered. | ||
| They've seen so many things about shark's fin soup that if you pull in a shark, people get angry at you. | ||
| It used to be people caught sharks and nobody gave a fuck. | ||
| They saw Jaws, they're like, fuck sharks! | ||
| But now everyone, we have to save the sharks! | ||
| Save them! | ||
| Save the sharks! | ||
| What are you doing with that shark? | ||
| Let it go! | ||
| There was a photo of, was it the governor of New York? | ||
| Or the mayor of New York City? | ||
| One of those? | ||
| I think it was the governor of New York caught a shark, and people were pissed at him. | ||
| He's like, no, we fucking ate it. | ||
| We cooked it up, we ate it. | ||
| Shark tastes good. | ||
| Like, it's totally illegal. | ||
| Yeah, I've had it in restaurants. | ||
| Yeah, it's good. | ||
| But people are loony with shit. | ||
| Like, here it is. | ||
| What is this? | ||
| Oh, I just saw this! | ||
| I heard about that. | ||
| He got his dick bit off. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes! | |
| I just saw this. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Swear it dies. | ||
| The shark rips off his penis despite horrified sunbather's frantic battle to save his life on a Brazilian beach. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| And apparently this is a really, really rare attack. | ||
| They don't get a lot of attacks in Brazil because the water's so warm. | ||
| But apparently, that shark didn't get the menu. | ||
| Clearly. | ||
| I thought I saw they thought it was a tiger shark. | ||
| That's a big fucking shark. | ||
| That's a big shark. | ||
| Well, obviously, he bit his pelvis off right where the dick goes. | ||
| I can't even. | ||
| I mean, that's basically like your legs are spread, you're swimming around, and it just gets in between there. | ||
| Snackity. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Snack. | |
| Snack. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| Fuck that, man. | ||
| I just... | ||
| That's what scares the shit out of me about the water, man. | ||
| You don't even see it coming. | ||
| At least if you're in the woods, you kind of hear things. | ||
| Yeah, that's right. | ||
| You got the hearing. | ||
| You don't even have that in the water. | ||
| You get to your gun. | ||
| You know what's out there. | ||
| Nothing out there is growling in the ocean. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| You ain't hearing shit. | ||
| You don't hear shit until it's too late. | ||
| And then this... | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's you. | |
| And you see red in front of your face. | ||
| You're like, fuck, this is how it's going to end? | ||
| All those road gigs I did. | ||
| To go out like that. | ||
| All my airline miles. | ||
| My airline miles are going through your mind. | ||
| Open mics. | ||
| To go out like this. | ||
| You know, I've been thinking about this and talking about this on stage a little bit, but as far as death goes, to go out, the most beautiful way I've ever seen any creature on this little rock in outer space go out, the most original beautiful way is that dove that got killed by a Randy Johnson fastball. | ||
| It's the best death on planet Earth. | ||
| What are the odds of that thing was in that place at that time? | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's what I'm saying. | |
| Do you know how many billions of fucking birds have been on this planet? | ||
| You know how many died of a Randy Johnson fastball? | ||
| One. | ||
| One. | ||
| You could even narrow it down to how many birds were in that area that day. | ||
| I don't care. | ||
| One. | ||
| And when he hit it, it blew up into its own fireworks. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| It went out, kaboom! | ||
| I was like, oh... | ||
| Yeah, there it is. | ||
| It's terrible. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| It fucked him up. | ||
| Did it? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then he ended up winning. | ||
| They won the World Series. | ||
| This was in Spring Train, the same year they won the World Series. | ||
| He won co-MVP. I think he split it with Curt Schilling. | ||
| And now he's got... | ||
| I just looked this up recently. | ||
| He's got a company now, and I think he uses the logo of an upside-down bird and has embraced it. | ||
| But he was like, that's not funny. | ||
| I don't think that shit's funny. | ||
| He threw a 100-mile-an-hour fastball. | ||
| He was a beast. | ||
| He was a fucking beast. | ||
| Now, let me ask you this. | ||
| What do they do? | ||
| How do they count that pitch? | ||
| It's just considered a dead pitch. | ||
| They said it was a no pitch. | ||
| The umpire just rolled it off like we're going to reset on that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Was Randy fucked up? | ||
| It bothered him. | ||
| I mean, he talked about it. | ||
| People were making jokes and shit, and he was like, I don't think that shit's funny. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But it's beautiful, even if you don't think it's funny. | |
| It is funny. | ||
| It's fucking beautiful. | ||
| Well, I wonder what they did with the dove. | ||
| Because they should cook it, because doves are delicious. | ||
| I've never. | ||
| I've had pheasant. | ||
| I've never had dove. | ||
| Pheasant's delicious. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But dove is a highly... | ||
| People don't know that. | ||
| It's another one that people get angry if you bring up. | ||
| Pheasant or dove? | ||
| Yeah, dove. | ||
| Because it's a bird of peace? | ||
| Yeah, but it's a highly prized game bird. | ||
| Like, people go dove hunting and they'll shoot fuckloads of doves and take them home and cook them. | ||
| And you tell people that they get so angry. | ||
| Like, what are you doing? | ||
| You're cooking doves? | ||
| Stop it! | ||
| Stop it! | ||
| You want some chicken? | ||
| Yeah, I'll have a McNugget. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I'll have those chicken prisoners ground up into small cubes. | ||
| But not the dove. | ||
| The dove is about peace. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| It's a fucking bird. | ||
| It's just a bird. | ||
| It has no idea what it is. | ||
| Like, don't eat that eagle! | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Okay, I want to eat the eagle. | ||
| Like, if eagles get so plentiful, they're like pigeons. | ||
| Do you think they'll let us eat eagles? | ||
| No. | ||
| Never. | ||
| Never. | ||
| They're never going to let you touch an eagle. | ||
| Never. | ||
| I don't care if they're starting to attack us and lift us off. | ||
| They're not letting us touch eagles. | ||
| They were here first. | ||
| They were here first. | ||
| The eagle was in North America before the white man. | ||
| They were here first. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| I have friends that live in Alaska. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You go up there, dude, and you see eagles everywhere. | |
| Just fucking everywhere. | ||
| They're everywhere. | ||
| They're like pigeons. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| It is. | ||
| I had this moment. | ||
| I didn't even think of it. | ||
| I'm so glad you said that. | ||
| My daughter's mother, her family's from Seattle. | ||
| They live right on Lake Washington. | ||
| They're good friends. | ||
| Bill Gates is around the corner. | ||
| It's beautiful. | ||
| And they do this, it's called Seafarer Weekend, where all the boats come out. | ||
| Blue Angels, the whole nine. | ||
| It's beautiful. | ||
| And they rehearse for like a couple days before the actual event. | ||
| So I swim out into the middle. | ||
| I smoke a joint, you know, that beautiful Pacific Rim weed they have up in Seattle. | ||
| I smoke a joint and I swim out into the middle of Lake Washington. | ||
| I'm just out there treading on my back, floating, having a good time. | ||
| And they had been saying there's this bald eagle that had been circling. | ||
| It's got a nest, a couple houses up, whatever. | ||
| I swear to fucking God, this is God's honest truth. | ||
| There's a boat also full of people who see it too. | ||
| Two eagles come out together in tandem as a team. | ||
| One of them starts circling here. | ||
| This motherfucker nosedives into the water I'm in, grabs a fish and flies off, and I say, oh! | ||
| Oh my god! | ||
| And the people in the boat are clapping. | ||
| I was like, holy shit! | ||
| It was fucking amazing. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Amazing. | ||
| Into the water I was in, and boom, out with the fish. | ||
| How deep did it go in the water? | ||
| I mean, I have no idea. | ||
| I thought they just sort of snatched him. | ||
| He, boom, gone. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Beak in and out. | ||
| Beak? | ||
| Oh, maybe it was feet. | ||
| He might have went feet. | ||
| He had to go feet. | ||
| He went feet and boom, lifted it off. | ||
| But he saw it. | ||
| You ever see their feet in real life? | ||
| They're fucking crazy. | ||
| They're bigger than our hands. | ||
| Yeah, it's like a giant basketball player hand with claws. | ||
| Big old claws at the end of it. | ||
| I've seen those videos online where they lift toddlers up and start to fly away, but they're a little too heavy. | ||
| I don't think those are real. | ||
| You don't think so? | ||
| No, I think that's been proven that those are horseshit. | ||
| Oh, that's bullshit. | ||
| What about the goat? | ||
| I've seen the goat that's dropped one down a mountain. | ||
| That's real as fuck. | ||
| That's real as fuck, yeah. | ||
| That's golden eagles. | ||
| They're the biggest ones. | ||
| They're bigger than bald eagles? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, I didn't know that. | |
| They grab them. | ||
| I think they even have those in California, believe it or not. | ||
| Golden eagles. | ||
| I'm learning a lot today, Joe. | ||
| Yeah, look at this fucker. | ||
| I told you about this one, this little fox. | ||
| Oh yeah, this is a great video. | ||
| That fox has got his little... | ||
| Boom! | ||
| The eagle comes and snatches him. | ||
| like nah bitch I ain't letting this go no no no no no no no I'm hanging on motherfucker I'm – I'm hanging on, motherfucker. | ||
| And the eagle's like, alright bitch, I'll let you go. | ||
| Yeah, it's funny that that's our national animal. | ||
| Because it is a ruthless fucking flying cunt. | ||
| It is. | ||
| It's so ruthless. | ||
| It's heartless. | ||
| You look in their eyes, it's just death. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Just twitchy fucking death. | ||
| Big old flying lizard. | ||
| You do a good bald eagle. | ||
| With a hatchet for a face. | ||
| It's got a pair of bolt cutters for a face. | ||
| I watched this. | ||
| They had this video online. | ||
| It was live videos of bald eagles having babies, and you could watch them. | ||
| They had cameras set up on them and everything. | ||
| It was fascinating. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| It ended terribly, though. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| They showed you how the mom would sit, and the dad would go out and hunt. | ||
| And then he came back, and his shift was like an hour or two, and she was the rest of the time. | ||
| But he would go out and bring food back. | ||
| And the poor thing, I think it was the mom going to get food. | ||
| It got fucking hit by a commercial airline. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| It got hit by a jet on a landing and killed the mom. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, wow. | |
| And so they had to help the birds because the dads don't go, you know, that would have been the end of their ass. | ||
| So I think they helped them out. | ||
| I don't know what they do. | ||
| They might. | ||
| They're savage fucking birds. | ||
| Yeah, that's a savage bird. | ||
| Ravens too. | ||
| I learned about ravens being a raven fan. | ||
| I watched this documentary one time. | ||
| This fucking lady in England had a raven, a pet raven. | ||
| You know that British, that little, it's like an upside down U, that car, that weird old car. | ||
| It's just like a little, like a parenthesis upside down. | ||
| She had a pet raven that was, I guess they're the most intelligent bird. | ||
| And this thing, she would keep the keys and ignition and the windows down, and she'd be like, we're gonna go for a ride! | ||
| And the raven would fly in the car, start the car with its beak, sit on the door, she'd get in, she'd start driving, and then he would just fly right next to the car wherever she went. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What?! | |
| It was unbelievable. | ||
| What? | ||
| Unbelievable. | ||
| I could not get over it. | ||
| So she had like a relationship with this raven. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| And this raven knew and loved it. | ||
| Like he was like, oh shit, let me go start the car for you. | ||
| Yeah, he was mad. | ||
| She would say, let's go for a drive and the raven knew what she was saying. | ||
| Out... | ||
| Boom! | ||
| In the car. | ||
| Grab that shit with its... | ||
| Because they're big birds. | ||
| They're big too. | ||
| And just turn those little keys and he would wait for her to get in. | ||
| She'd start driving and he'd just fly right next to it. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| You might look for it, but I watched it. | ||
| They're so smart. | ||
| I saw a video of one using a tool to get another tool so that it could get into something. | ||
| Like they did these tests to find out how intelligent they were to see if they could do problem solving in order to get food. | ||
| And so it had to use, like, one small stick in order to pull out a larger stick and the larger stick to pull out this thing that got him the food. | ||
| And it figured it out? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And it figured it out quick. | ||
| Like, quicker than my kids would have. | ||
| I'm watching this raven. | ||
| I'm like, damn, this thing's smarter than an eight-year-old. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| It's crazy watching it do it. | ||
| It's like this little conniving fucker. | ||
| There's a great video, one of my favorite videos online, of this one raven that taunts these two cats into a fight. | ||
| It stirs them up into a fight? | ||
| Yeah, they're both... | ||
| What is this lady? | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Look how big that thing is. | ||
| Look at that crazy bitch. | ||
| Whoever you are, if you stick your penis in that lady, you deserve everything you got coming to you. | ||
| Everything. | ||
| What the fuck do you think's in that bag? | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Heads. | ||
| Yeah, heads. | ||
| Baby heads. | ||
| This dude over here just chilling like it's nothing. | ||
| I mean, look at the look on her face. | ||
| He's just checking his Twitter. | ||
| He probably doesn't even know she's there. | ||
| He hasn't even looked over. | ||
| Nobody's sitting next to that bitch, though. | ||
| They're like, no, I'll stand. | ||
| He's screwed all the way over. | ||
| Look at her. | ||
| I mean, everything about her looks weird. | ||
| She's like, when do I kill myself? | ||
| Not today. | ||
| Not today. | ||
| When? | ||
| She looks pissed. | ||
| Crazy bitch with metal all over her boots. | ||
| Sure, you're goth. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hold it. | |
| What does it say? | ||
| Sure, you're goth. | ||
| But are you dejectedly riding the subway with your raven goth? | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's it. | |
| That's the bar right there, everybody. | ||
| A raven. | ||
| See if you can find the raven provokes cats. | ||
| It's one of my favorite videos because there's two cats and they're on opposite rooftops, like right next to each other. | ||
| And they're like, wow, look at each other. | ||
| This raven comes over and fucks with one of the cats. | ||
| Like, come on, man. | ||
| You want some of this bitch? | ||
| Come on, man. | ||
| There it is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, here it is. | |
| Watch this. | ||
| So the cat's chilling, and then the raven flies over to where the cat is and starts fucking with him. | ||
| And after he starts fucking with him, then he flies over to where the other cat is, and he starts fucking with him. | ||
| So he gets behind him. | ||
| He's like, hey, bitch. | ||
| What are you doing? | ||
| He gets just close enough where the cat's like, motherfucker. | ||
| He's like, no, no, no. | ||
| I'm going to fly back over here, and I'm going to fuck with this cat. | ||
| Oh, I see the other one. | ||
| But he's doing it on purpose, this little cunt. | ||
| Like, you could tell. | ||
| He's like, just getting the cats riled up. | ||
| Hey, bitch. | ||
| Look, I'm a bird and I'm right behind you. | ||
| Motherfucker. | ||
| The cat's like, no, no, no, no. | ||
| I'm going to get this other cat. | ||
| And they're looking at each other and the cat's like, fuck you. | ||
| And he's like, no, no, no. | ||
| Fuck you. | ||
| No, fuck you. | ||
| Look, he's getting closer to the cat. | ||
| Why would a raven get close to a cat? | ||
| I mean, why? | ||
| Why would any bird? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The only reason why is because he's fucking with them. | ||
| He's doing it on purpose. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He is. | |
| Look at him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And then the cat's like, bitch! | |
| And then the raven gets over there. | ||
| Right next to him. | ||
| He's like, oh yeah! | ||
| Oh, now it's happening! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, look! | |
| They fall off the roof together. | ||
| And the raven flies down. | ||
| He's right next to him. | ||
| Come on, faggots! | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Oh, you bitches don't know how to fight. | ||
| These cats are killing each other. | ||
| And this raven's like, you dumb hoes. | ||
| Oh, look! | ||
| They fall into that hole. | ||
| Bam! | ||
| And that raven is just hanging out with them. | ||
| An animal that can fly, on the ground, vulnerable, watching these two cats fight. | ||
| Dude, he jumps in! | ||
|
unidentified
|
He jumped into the hole. | |
| That is a crazy ass bird. | ||
| That is a crazy fucking bird. | ||
| But also confident, right? | ||
| He knows how quick he can move. | ||
| See, coming in from the side like that. | ||
| He's tapping at his tail. | ||
| He's like, no, you're not done yet. | ||
| That cat is still alive, motherfucker. | ||
| What kind of a pussy are you? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Meow! | |
| Meow! | ||
| It's such a weird, weird animal. | ||
| Like, once they found out that these things are smart, they're like, look, in comparative tests, when it comes to, like, problem solving, they're as smart or smarter than chimpanzees. | ||
| Ravens? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Yeah, that's what I hear. | ||
| They're super smart. | ||
| Super smart. | ||
| Like, they don't know how smart... | ||
| The limitation is that they've got these feet and wings. | ||
| But if you gave them, like, fingers and had them, like, problem-solve stuff, like, spell their name and shit, and, you know, you give them some food, they might be able to do that. | ||
| Because chimps can kind of do stuff like that. | ||
| Here's one. | ||
| Like, look at this raven. | ||
| It says it's a crow, but no. | ||
| Oh, crow, raven, pretty same. | ||
| What is the difference? | ||
| Is the raven bigger? | ||
| Yeah, a lot bigger. | ||
| Yeah, but they're all smart. | ||
| So this little fucker realizes that if he puts these rocks in that water, that the water will float up and he'll be able to get that food. | ||
| So he can't quite reach that food. | ||
| So he keeps dropping those rocks in there to try to raise the level of the water up. | ||
| How the fuck does he figure that out, man? | ||
| Like, look at that. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Oh, he's so close. | ||
| He's like, no, not quite. | ||
| Almost, almost, almost, almost. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Get that big one, get the big one, man. | |
| I wish her could just get it. | ||
| Oh, I got it, bitch. | ||
| Light versus heavy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What is this one? | |
| All kinds of experiments with them. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| It says it's a casual understanding of water displacement by a crow is the name of the video. | ||
| Study done by Auckland New Zealand University. | ||
| Well, it just makes you think, right? | ||
| We always define intelligence by how much can it manipulate its environment. | ||
| And where that throws us off is like dolphins and orcas and whales because they're really smart and they can't... | ||
| They can't do anything. | ||
| They have flippers, but we know they have these really complex languages, and they have Baltimore accents. | ||
| Do you know that? | ||
| What, dolphins? | ||
| Dolphins and orcas have accents. | ||
| Do they? | ||
| Yeah, they can tell. | ||
| They can't tell what the fuck they're saying, but they can tell where they're from. | ||
| Really? | ||
| So it's a regional thing, not like a bottlenose versus a spotted that has a different accent? | ||
| Yeah, they're from different spots of the world. | ||
| That's fucking wild. | ||
| They have different accents. | ||
| They make different sounds. | ||
| No shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I didn't know that. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| I didn't know that. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| We used to fuck with bats when we were little. | ||
| You ever mess around with bats? | ||
| No, but I've been in Austin for the largest migration in the Northern Hemisphere. | ||
| I think Austin has the largest migration. | ||
| It's the largest daily migration of bats in North America. | ||
| Daily? | ||
| Yeah, it's crazy. | ||
| When it gets dark out, look at all those bats. | ||
| They fly out from under the bridge. | ||
| There's a bridge in downtown Austin. | ||
| Bro, it's crazy. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| So we were staying in this hotel, and they were telling us, hey, when it gets dark out, that bridge over there, all the bats nest in that bridge, and they come out. | ||
| So during the daytime, I was with my family. | ||
| We walked under the bridge, and you hear... | ||
| That cluster is hanging underneath the bridge? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck. | |
| You go under the bridge, you hear that shit... | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Dude, it's millions. | ||
| Millions and millions of fucking bats go flying through the air. | ||
| It's crazy to watch. | ||
| What is it about Austin? | ||
| What does it say there? | ||
| Pull it back to the beginning. | ||
| It says, from March through April, millions of mostly female, pregnant Mexican, free-tailed bats migrate north to give birth. | ||
| The NW Congress Avenue Bridge in downtown Austin, Texas is the spring and summer home to these bats. | ||
| Each night at sunset, some two million bats venture out from under the bridge to eat an estimated 30,000 pounds of insects. | ||
| It is the largest urban bat colony in North America. | ||
| And then you watch The Departure. | ||
| Play that video so you see this departure. | ||
| It's fucking bananas, dude. | ||
| You can't believe how many bats fly out. | ||
| You're like, what? | ||
| That they all just picked this one neighborhood. | ||
| This one bridge, they decide this is our spot, and so they just live in this bridge. | ||
| So if somebody detonated that bridge... | ||
| Look at that! | ||
| It looks like night. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| Dude, it's crazy. | ||
| I was there for this. | ||
| It's wild to watch. | ||
| You see them like a swarm. | ||
| Like insects. | ||
| How are they not running into each other like that and knocking themselves down? | ||
| That's a good question. | ||
| Look how tight that is. | ||
| How do they not headbutt each other? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| People could barely get on the subway together without stepping on toes and shit. | ||
| These things are flying. | ||
| Fly. | ||
| They say that they have some sort of a magnetic sense. | ||
| They understand, like, there's a frequency that each one of those animals gives off. | ||
| That's how birds do it. | ||
| Like, if you see birds, they move together in these crazy patterns. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No one understands it totally, but there's a company called Hex, H-E-C-S, H-E-C-S. And they make this thing called a hex suit. | ||
| It's a very controversial thing, but the idea behind it is that there's an electric frequency that all humans and animals, especially predators and game animals, give off. | ||
| And that this frequency corresponds to the movement of your muscles and that you give off this thing that animals can see. | ||
| Especially predators. | ||
| Predators apparently are really good at seeing this. | ||
| What is this? | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| Where are these back? | ||
| Locust storm? | ||
| See, now, I've been through something like that in Maryland. | ||
| They used to have... | ||
| Well, they don't. | ||
| They do. | ||
| The cicadas would come through. | ||
| And it would look like this. | ||
| And they would litter the streets and the sidewalks. | ||
| Well, locusts are just grasshoppers under certain conditions, right? | ||
| How does that work? | ||
| Grasshoppers under certain conditions... | ||
| Become locusts? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I forget what the conditions are. | ||
| I mean, in five seconds, he just filled that net up. | ||
| Yeah, what are you gonna do with them, though? | ||
|
unidentified
|
You gonna eat them? | |
| I don't know. | ||
| You gonna eat them? | ||
| I don't know if I'd eat that. | ||
| I'm down to try different shit. | ||
| Yes, I've had cricket. | ||
| Chocolate covered, though. | ||
| I had them in Mexico. | ||
| We stayed at a resort once in Mexico, and you go into the hotel room, and, you know, they have, like, a little table there, and they have, like, a little table full of peanuts with, like, some hot... | ||
| Like hot chili powder on them and stuff like that. | ||
| And then they had these crickets in a bowl. | ||
| And my kid's like, eww! | ||
| Why do they have bugs? | ||
| Eww! | ||
| I'm like, you're supposed to eat them. | ||
| They're like, no way. | ||
| You're not eating bugs. | ||
| I'm like, I'm telling you. | ||
| They eat these things. | ||
| And so I picked them up and I started chewing them. | ||
| I'm like, they're not bad. | ||
| They're almost like a soy sauce tasting. | ||
| I was going to say, how are they done? | ||
| It looks like they fried them. | ||
| Like they fried these crickets. | ||
| But they're so common that they had a bowl of them in the room. | ||
| You know, and you eat them. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| I would try that. | ||
| I would try that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Dude, they're not bad. | |
| You have to. | ||
| I would try that. | ||
| I'm not scared of that. | ||
| They say that that might be one of the futures of when the weather changes, grasshoppers turn... | ||
| Oh, it's a weather issue. | ||
| The thing I clicked on this from says that just by swarming, it makes them become a locust. | ||
| That's it? | ||
| I don't know if that's accurate, but that's what the article is saying. | ||
| Well, it's the New York Times, unless you listen to Donald Trump, which makes it fake news. | ||
| Generally speaking, I like to trust the New York Times. | ||
| Yeah, we used to fuck with... | ||
| So we had a street light in front of our house, and my brother and I would go out, and my dad was like, you can go out and play catch as long as you're in front of that light and I can see you. | ||
| So we'd just go start playing catch, throw a tennis ball around. | ||
| One night, we're just throwing it high up toward the light so that you could see it coming down. | ||
| And this bat just starts swooping at the ball the whole time. | ||
| And I was like, oh, this is great. | ||
| So I throw a line drive at my brother's fucking face. | ||
| That fucking bat was... | ||
| He's like, it went through my hair! | ||
| It went right through his hair. | ||
| Then the game became, you gotta be a fucking man and stand there and take that shit at your face. | ||
| And that bat would come down and it would touch you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Did it think the ball was another bat? | |
| Maybe all the sonar coming after that. | ||
| I don't know if it thought it was a big, or realized it was too big of a bug when it got there. | ||
| But it would come right by your fucking face. | ||
| Yeah, it probably thought it was another bat or maybe something to eat. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| So anyway, I was saying this hex suit, they wear these things to disrupt... | ||
| They're big with people that go spearfishing, and they wear this suit, and you can literally get right next to a fish with this suit on. | ||
| It's real weird. | ||
| Like, whatever... | ||
| Whatever this frequency that human bodies and just bodies in general give off, this suit masks it. | ||
| And they've been able to show that with these devices that measure electrical frequencies, like you could rub your arm over shit. | ||
| Yeah, look at these alligators. | ||
| They just, for whatever reason, don't fuck with this dude while he's wearing that. | ||
| That's a crocodile, too. | ||
| I wouldn't do that. | ||
| So, even though you're moving and there's... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They don't know what you are. | ||
| And they just don't bother to fuck with you? | ||
| I don't understand it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's crazy. | |
| Who figured that out? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Scientists? | ||
| Super smart dudes? | ||
| But when, apparently, dudes wear these suits when they go spearfishing, they're way more successful. | ||
| They love these things. | ||
| Because you can get right up next to these fish and fuck them up. | ||
| But hunters use them too now. | ||
| They're becoming popular with hunters. | ||
| Oh, so they don't work just in the water? | ||
| No, I don't know, man. | ||
| I've worn them before. | ||
| I don't know if they're working or not working. | ||
| It's hard to tell. | ||
| Because what animals go by is not one thing. | ||
| They go by a bunch of different things. | ||
| The big one is smell. | ||
| If they smell you, you're fucked. | ||
| Like the reason why camo works is camo breaks up your outline. | ||
| Like if a deer saw you, they'd be like, oh, that's a fucking dude. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I know what that is. | ||
| I see the arms. | ||
| I see the legs. | ||
| That's a dude. | ||
| But if you were wearing camo with all the broken, like my shorts, like these shorts, it's a broken up pattern, right? | ||
| So that broken up pattern confuses them. | ||
| They're like, what is that? | ||
| I don't know what I'm seeing. | ||
| And if you just stand still and you're wearing camo and you don't move, a deer will look at you and go... | ||
| That ain't shit. | ||
| And they'll go back to eating. | ||
| Unless you're close. | ||
| But if they smell you, they're like, fuck this. | ||
| Especially that real tree stuff I see these days looks so authentic. | ||
| Yeah, that's not the stuff that works the best, though. | ||
| It's interesting. | ||
| No, authentic is not what works the best. | ||
| What works the best is like... | ||
| There's a bunch of different companies that make really good camo, but the secret behind it is just breaking up the outline. | ||
| It doesn't have to look like anything. | ||
| It's just a matter of breaking it up with blotches and spots. | ||
| There's a couple companies, like Under Armour actually has a really good pattern. | ||
| It's called Ridge Reaper. | ||
| Ridge Reaper Baron, and that pattern is really good. | ||
| Sitka has probably the best pattern. | ||
| They have a pattern called Sub-Alpine, Open Country Sub-Alpine, I think it's called. | ||
| But it's just a bunch of dots and splotches. | ||
| The whole idea is just to break up your outline. | ||
| So when someone looks at you, or an animal looks at you, they don't know what the fuck they're seeing. | ||
| So the idea is that this hex suit, somehow or another, it blocks out your electrical output, whatever that frequency is that these animals can see. | ||
| It's not proven. | ||
| It's real weird stuff. | ||
| It's like we know that there's something that gives off... | ||
| Like these hex companies, the one company, they have this machine. | ||
| They'll show you. | ||
| You wave your hand over this thing without a hex suit on, and it registers this electrical frequency. | ||
| And then you wave it with the hex suit on, and it registers nothing. | ||
| But if they smell you, you're still fucked. | ||
| But anyway, these birds... | ||
| Somehow or another, they're all giving off a frequency. | ||
| So when they're doing that crazy wave, and they're flying, right? | ||
| So they're beating their wings together like a bunch of fucking helicopters, but they're not touching each other. | ||
| They're just floating back and forth somehow, and somehow it works. | ||
| It's got to be inches apart. | ||
| Inches. | ||
| Yeah, inches. | ||
| I mean, there's these huge migrations of birds that are flying through the air, and they move like fish in the ocean. | ||
| The same sort of thing, right? | ||
| And they say that's how fish do it, too. | ||
| That they have this frequency that they're all giving off. | ||
| And somehow or another, they all know how to move in tandem. | ||
| Like, no one's fucked up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, are we going left or are we going right? | |
| They're not banging into each other. | ||
| There's no straggler, either. | ||
| Like, one guy off to the fucking side. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| It is weird. | ||
| I don't understand it, but people are trying to capitalize on whatever that is or hide, mask, whatever frequency we give off. | ||
| So the idea is that we don't really totally understand animal senses. | ||
| They've done a bunch of tests on deer. | ||
| They know they're colorblind. | ||
| They don't see necessarily greens, but they see shapes. | ||
| Their real concern is movement and outline. | ||
| The outline of a person is very recognizable. | ||
| Movement is very recognizable. | ||
| When they smell pretty good, but they don't smell nearly as good as something. | ||
| Like, bear is apparently one of the best at using their nose. | ||
| Bears smell anything. | ||
| Like, bears can smell a dead animal miles away. | ||
| Miles? | ||
| Miles away. | ||
| That would make me nervous if I saw a dead animal and I was in bear country. | ||
| I'd be like, we're getting the fuck out of here. | ||
| Get the fuck out of here. | ||
| You're talking about smell, so this made me think of this. | ||
| In Baltimore, all the street parking is parallel parking. | ||
| There's no assigned parking spaces and there's no driveway or anything. | ||
| And my brother pulls out in front of this guy's space one day and the guy's like, that's my space. | ||
| He's like, it's not anybody's space. | ||
| It's a fucking public street. | ||
| I can park here. | ||
| He's like, that's my space and it's in front of my house. | ||
| He's like, dude, come on. | ||
| So that night, assuming that guy, breaks into his car, busts his windows out, takes shit out of his car or whatever, and he's like, okay. | ||
| And he had some deer piss from hunting, and he fucking busted that guy's window, dumped it all in his vents and everything. | ||
| I was like, I got cars. | ||
| So they're taking turns breaking each other's cars? | ||
| Well, it ended after the deer piss went in there. | ||
| That was the last of that shit, because that stuff... | ||
| Do you ever use that? | ||
| No. | ||
| You don't ever put it on you? | ||
| No. | ||
| Yeah, that stuff's supposed to be... | ||
| I couldn't... | ||
| The smell of it, just sitting on the sidewalk, I was like... | ||
| Good God. | ||
| Yeah, I would think a deer would be like, why is that doe pissing all over herself, that crazy bitch? | ||
| I want to know if people really use it. | ||
| Yeah, they do. | ||
| They use cow estrus. | ||
| They have like a smell of a cow, cow bull, like a, not a cow bull, cow elk. | ||
| They'll put it on trees and shit, try to drag a bull over. | ||
| Because when bulls are in the rut and the females are in heat when they're coming into estrus and the males want to breed them, apparently they just smell it and they go fucking bananas. | ||
| And some people use that shit. | ||
| They'll put it on trees and stuff. | ||
| So that's what I wanted to ask you. | ||
| Is that more to mask our smell or is it more to attract, they're attracted to that smell? | ||
| I think they're attracting them, yeah. | ||
| The way they mask our smell, like their sense of smell is so powerful that it's almost impossible to mask it unless you use ozone. | ||
| And so what a lot of guys do is there's a company called Ozonics and what they do is they'll literally hang a unit above their head and it blows ozone gas all over your body and it collects Like, your scent gets combined with the ozone, and that hits the deer, and the deer doesn't know what the fuck you are. | ||
| It's like, what is that smell? | ||
| Have you ever smelled ozone? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Do you know what ozone smells like? | |
| No, I have no idea. | ||
| I'll turn on my tank, my flotation tank, and you can smell it, because they use ozone to clean the water, to purify everything. | ||
| It's got a very distinct smell. | ||
| And when you turn the tank filtration system on, you're not supposed to go in it for a half an hour and the ozone dissipates. | ||
| But it's got a very distinct smell. | ||
| And apparently that smell just overwhelms the smell of human body. | ||
| So when guys sit on a tree stand, like I've hunted with my friend John Dudley in Iowa, and he uses this Ozonics unit above us. | ||
| He sets it up. | ||
| On the tree above us and turns it on. | ||
| And it blows ozone over you while you're sitting in a tree. | ||
| So even if a deer is downwind of you, they might not bolt. | ||
| Because the smell is confusing to them. | ||
| Like, what is that fucking weird smell? | ||
| Like, they don't know what it is. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Like, if they smell you, they're like, oh, that's a dude. | ||
| Gotta go. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm out. | |
| Yeah, like, just a whiff. | ||
| The wind will change. | ||
| Like, you know, most of the times the wind's blowing east, right? | ||
| But then a little bit of west. | ||
| A little bit of west. | ||
| They're like... | ||
| The fuck? | ||
| They don't take any chances. | ||
| They just run. | ||
| But if they smell that ozone stuff, they're like, what? | ||
| What is this? | ||
| The fuck is this? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| They just run. | ||
| Take a chance. | ||
| Sometimes they just stand there. | ||
| When they're horny, they don't know what they're doing. | ||
| That's why people like to hunt them in the rut. | ||
| Because when they're in the rut, they come out during the day. | ||
| Like a lot of times the older animals, they become nocturnal. | ||
| They just decide it's too risky during the day. | ||
| People are up. | ||
| I'll just fuck around all night and sleep during the day. | ||
| That's when I was always scared, because we would have, there's deer running all over Maryland. | ||
| When you're driving those country roads at night, I mean, three, four of them will come out crossing and shit, and you're like, holy fuck, and they're monster, you know, they're monster. | ||
| So we had deer whistles. | ||
| I don't know if they ever really work, to be honest with you. | ||
| Those work, yeah, you put them in the front of your car. | ||
| Yeah, and then you don't hear it, but apparently they hear it, and it's enough to, but I had them on, they would still come right up to the edge of the road and shit. | ||
| Yeah, when the rut's going on, they get confused. | ||
| They're just horny and crazy. | ||
| They'll run right out in traffic and get smashed by cars. | ||
| Deers that wouldn't hide all day long during any other time of the year. | ||
| They just smell that deer pussy. | ||
| They're just like us, goddamn. | ||
| I mean, can you imagine? | ||
| Their nose is a thousand times stronger than ours or whatever the fuck it is. | ||
| The smell of that pussy must be so tempting. | ||
| Running out in traffic in the middle of the fucking thing for it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know and you only got a couple of weeks to fuck. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| You know it's not like they fuck all year like us. | ||
| They got a couple weeks to get their fuck on. | ||
| And then the rest of the year is solo. | ||
| Nope. | ||
| How weird is it? | ||
| Like, what kind of a strange system did nature come up with where it makes the girls horny and able to give birth only, like, for a couple of, like, six weeks? | ||
| Sometimes they go into estrus again. | ||
| Like, they have, like, a second estrus. | ||
| And then they all figure it out. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Smells. | |
| Yeah, smells. | ||
| I need to start smelling more. | ||
| Fucking thinking less. | ||
| And apparently as good as they smell, a bear smells hundreds of times stronger than them. | ||
| They say a bear smells hundreds of times better than a bloodhound does. | ||
| That blows my mind. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's crazy. | |
| Miles blows my mind. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Miles. | |
| Miles away. | ||
| When I drive from here and I hit two miles, I'm going to be like, God damn. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's a long fucking way to smell something. | ||
| What they say is really scary is if you're in places where bears know that people hunt, they hear a gunshot and they think it's a dinner bell. | ||
| So like if you shoot a deer, you only have a certain amount of time to get that fucking deer out of there before a bear shows up. | ||
| Especially like Kodiak Island. | ||
| Kodiak Island is famous for two things. | ||
| It's famous for gigantic brown bears, some of the biggest bears in the world. | ||
| It's also famous for Sitka black-tailed deer. | ||
| So these Sitka deer are really delicious deer and people go over there to hunt them. | ||
| But when that gunfire, the bear hears that and they go straight towards the sound of that gunfire because they know there's going to be a gut pile there soon. | ||
| So even if you miss, there's probably one coming your way. | ||
| Probably. | ||
| No shit. | ||
| So you have to dress it out there, too, or you just got to get it and haul it out? | ||
| Well, if you gut it and leave the gut pile and take the meat away, the bear's probably going to go to the guts, and you're probably going to be safe. | ||
| Damn. | ||
| Keyword, probably. | ||
| Probably, yeah. | ||
| I'm not fucking around with a Kodiak bear. | ||
| My friend Steve Rinello, who I was talking about before, they got attacked last year. | ||
| On a Fognak Island in Alaska, they got attacked by a gigantic brown bear. | ||
| They said it was like 11 feet long. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| It was huge. | ||
| One of the guys, it ran into camp. | ||
| What happened was they had shot an elk. | ||
| When you shoot an elk, it's an enormous animal. | ||
| You can't really take it out all in one trip. | ||
| You've got to make several trips. | ||
| So they hung some of it up in a tree. | ||
| And then they went back to get the rest of it. | ||
| They took what they could carry. | ||
| They went back to get the rest of it. | ||
| When they went back to get the rest of it, a bear had already claimed it. | ||
| And they didn't know the bear claimed it because the bear took off and it heard them coming. | ||
| And then the bear, when they were hanging around the meat, the bear was like, fuck this, and decided to just make a run at them. | ||
| But didn't know how many there were because it's such thick brush. | ||
| And they said it happened so quickly. | ||
| Everybody had this, well, if a bear comes, I'm going to do this. | ||
| People have this idea. | ||
| It happened so fast. | ||
| I'll send you the podcast because it's fascinating. | ||
| It's a two-part podcast. | ||
| They did it over two parts where they talked about the experience. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jesus. | |
| Nobody got hurt, but one guy wound up actually riding the bear's back. | ||
| That's a legend. | ||
| The bear plowed into them, and one guy hit the bear with trekking sticks, like mountain trekking sticks, hit it in the head, and the other guy got knocked over and was literally on the bear's back for several steps as it was running down the hill. | ||
| And then he fell off of it, and the bear took off. | ||
| That thing had momentum downhill coming at them? | ||
| No, man. | ||
| I've seen those videos. | ||
| They said it was so big. | ||
| My friends were there. | ||
| Four of my friends were there. | ||
| They were saying that they could see the teeth 10, 11 inches from their face, gnashing as the thing ran by. | ||
| Oh! | ||
| 11 foot long. | ||
| I mean, you're talking, what, 1,800 pounds? | ||
| So while they're gone on round trip one, this bear had already claimed it, got scared, heard them come, and then saw, oh, you're taking my shit, and was like, fuck that, and came back to defend it. | ||
| Yeah, so it didn't come by to chase him off. | ||
| It came to fight. | ||
| It just didn't know how many there were, and there was like seven or eight guys, I think. | ||
| At least, I think, one, two, three, four... | ||
| At least five guys. | ||
| And so I think it just got confusing. | ||
| There were so many people. | ||
| It didn't know where to go or what to do, and then it got hit in the head with the trekking sticks, and then, you know, just fucking crazy. | ||
| Dude's riding back. | ||
| Yeah, but like one of my friends had a, my friend Remi had a pistol just for that, just for bears, but he had set his pack down, and he, like in his mind, had thought, well, if a bear comes, I'll be able to get to my pack. | ||
| Fuck that. | ||
| He's like, it happened so fast. | ||
| There's no getting to your pack. | ||
| There's no nothing. | ||
| And these are guys that know what the fuck they're doing. | ||
| Yeah, they're professionals. | ||
| With plans in place. | ||
| They're out in the woods hundreds of days a year. | ||
| We're so weak. | ||
| We're like just water balloons filled with blood. | ||
| We're like eggs. | ||
| Yeah, we're just jello, man. | ||
| We're nothing. | ||
| When you watch them fight each other and they're biting each other's faces and shaking each other back and forth, and it still doesn't hurt them. | ||
| We're so fleshy. | ||
| It's good we live here. | ||
| It's good we live in Los Angeles. | ||
| No, not in the fucking mountains. | ||
| No. | ||
| Maryland has... | ||
| You guys have mountain lions, right? | ||
| We have mountain lions, but I saw... | ||
| I went hiking at Fryman here one time. | ||
| I hiked for a while when I lived in the valley. | ||
| I hiked there a lot, and I would see a lot of rattlesnakes. | ||
| I always saw a lot of rattlesnakes. | ||
| But one night... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It's probably fall. | ||
| It's right around 6, 630, and the sun's starting to set, and I'm just trying to get through, and I've got my headphones on. | ||
| I'm coming down this hill, and this fucking bobcat comes off the hill, and it... | ||
| I mean, this thing was the size of a big dog, stubby little tail. | ||
| It stopped, right? | ||
| I mean, I was like, huh, you know, and it just stopped and it fucking looked at me. | ||
| And the first and only thought that went through my head, because I had nothing. | ||
| What do I got to do? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I was like, maybe I can take my headphones and choke you. | |
| I was straggling. | ||
| I had nothing. | ||
| A little apple headphones. | ||
| And it looked at me like, it's your lucky fucking day. | ||
| And it ran over the next ridge and was gone. | ||
| I mean, I was like, holy shit. | ||
| Yeah, I've seen one of those with its babies. | ||
| Yeah, they're cool looking. | ||
| They're big. | ||
| They're bigger than I thought. | ||
| They're way bigger than I thought. | ||
| When I saw it, I saw it, I thought it was a mountain lion. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I was like, look at that thing. | ||
| And they're like, no, it's a bobcat. | ||
| I was like, what? | ||
| Yeah, that thing was big. | ||
| Yeah, they're like 50 pounds. | ||
| Yeah, I thought, you know, maybe between like a little bigger than a cat. | ||
| Nah, this thing was like waste. | ||
| It was like up to my waist. | ||
| Yeah, they'll fuck you up. | ||
| And I was like, oh, I'm dead. | ||
| I'm fucking dead. | ||
| Have you ever heard a lynx howl? | ||
| Only because I... That video? | ||
| That's the only reason I've ever heard it, yeah. | ||
| That video's crazy. | ||
| It is crazy. | ||
| Right up in their face like... | ||
| It doesn't seem real. | ||
| No, it doesn't seem real at all. | ||
| Well, there was one that got into some guy's house, and the guy made a video of the thing in his house howling, and I was playing it for people like, oh, that's like sound effects, right? | ||
| I go, no, no, no, that's what it's really making. | ||
| It's the noise it's really making. | ||
| Like, what? | ||
| It's in his kitchen, and it's going... | ||
|
unidentified
|
I just saw this thing, yeah. | |
| Put it up. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| Oh, that's the one... | ||
| That sounds like kids. | ||
| It sounds like little kids pretending to be a monster. | ||
|
unidentified
|
This is so freaking cool. | |
| That is so cool. | ||
| Who runs into this? | ||
| They get real closer to the two. | ||
| They don't quite do anything. | ||
| Like, neither one of them is gangster. | ||
| They're both posers. | ||
| Look how thick the hips and legs are. | ||
| Ooh, a little headbutt. | ||
| And one of them almost swatted him. | ||
| He was like, bitch, don't make me slap you. | ||
| They're not making me slap you. | ||
| Yeah, that's a big animal. | ||
| Lynx are weird. | ||
| That's a weird animal. | ||
| It looks like a dog. | ||
| And one of these was in a dude's kitchen? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| See if you can find the one where Lynx is in the guy's kitchen. | ||
| Because this fucking guy is standing over it. | ||
| It's only like five feet away from him. | ||
| And it's like... | ||
| I would think that's a battle cry, you know? | ||
| I'm getting the fuck out of my own kitchen. | ||
| Or it's sick. | ||
| Here it is, here it is. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| Uh-uh. | ||
| No. | ||
|
unidentified
|
She's trying to scare it up. | |
| Oh. | ||
| What the fuck is your problem? | ||
| That's what you'd say to me. | ||
| Right before it kills you. | ||
| We find this guy's phone later. | ||
| Covered in blood. | ||
| Play back his last video. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| I'm scared. | ||
| to Exactly. | ||
| I'm scared of snakes. | ||
| My brother gave me a fear of fucking snakes. | ||
| I have a twin brother. | ||
| He's four minutes older than me, but we look nothing like tall and skinny. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's weird. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| But there are times when we speak, even now, and I'm like, oh, it's his voice came out of me. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| That's the weird thing. | ||
| Like, if he gets hurt, do you feel it? | ||
| Nah, I don't feel any. | ||
| We used to fuck with, like, if there was a girl in high school, and I'd be like, I don't, just talk to her. | ||
| I want to play video games. | ||
| He would set dates up and shit, you know, like, oh, you're going to the movies. | ||
| I'm like, goddammit! | ||
| But he was Mr. Outdoors. | ||
| He would play with snakes. | ||
| He'd catch black snakes all the time. | ||
| We'd put them in an aquarium. | ||
| We'd go to the pet store and get little feed mice. | ||
| And they won't eat it when it's dead. | ||
| Sometimes they'd be dead. | ||
| So my brother would reach in and just dance the tail. | ||
| And these snakes would bite him in the fucking hand. | ||
| And I'd be like, Jesus Christ! | ||
|
unidentified
|
And he'd just keep looking at the snake and rub his hand. | |
| And I was like, you're fucking nuts, dude. | ||
| So one day, it's my turn to cut the grass, right? | ||
| We had the same snapper riding mower from Can't Buy Me Love, okay? | ||
| That snapper with a bag catcher on the back, okay? | ||
| I'm in the backyard going around. | ||
| Three doors up's our buddy Jeff lives there, and I see him and my brother. | ||
| There's a pine tree, and I see him with a broom, and they're standing away from it, but they're swatting with a trash can. | ||
| I'm like, oh, they got a big-ass, there's a big-ass black snake in there, you know? | ||
| So I've got my headphones on. | ||
| I'm just going around. | ||
| I look up on our deck, and my brother's standing there holding this fucking snake. | ||
| He's acting like he's going to throw it. | ||
| I'm like, don't fucking do it, Dick. | ||
| Don't fucking do it. | ||
| I got my shirt off. | ||
| It's hot-ass summer. | ||
| I go back to minding my business. | ||
| I come back around a few times later, and I just feel something slap the back of my neck. | ||
| And I fucking look over. | ||
| This snake is looking at me right here. | ||
| I scream like a bitch. | ||
| I grabbed it. | ||
| I threw it on the fucking ground. | ||
| My brother's like, don't! | ||
| I put that blade down. | ||
| And I dumped that bag out. | ||
| I said, there's your fucking snake, you son of a bitch. | ||
| He would do shit. | ||
| He'd catch little ones. | ||
| I can't remember. | ||
| Are they garter? | ||
| Gardener snakes, maybe? | ||
| Just the tiny ones. | ||
| I think they're called garter, right? | ||
| I don't remember. | ||
| There's garden snakes and garter snakes. | ||
| These are those little slivery guys, you know? | ||
| I'll never forget this. | ||
| We had a Volkswagen Bug. | ||
| He and I are sitting in the back. | ||
| My little brother's up front. | ||
| My mom's taking him into the doctor. | ||
| She's like, you two can stay in the car and wait here if you want. | ||
| I'm like, alright. | ||
| We're driving for like 10 minutes. | ||
| My brother reaches in his fucking pocket and he pulls out one of those snakes. | ||
| I'm like, what the fuck are you doing? | ||
| How long has that been in there? | ||
| He's like, oh, I picked it up on the way. | ||
| I'm like, what is your fucking problem, dude? | ||
| I was always scared around him with that shit. | ||
| Maybe he should have been in like a snake doctor or something. | ||
| He thinks he is. | ||
| He thinks he's like that. | ||
| He should go to Florida and try to help those people in the Everglades. | ||
| You know, they're hiring people to just shoot at them now. | ||
| They're hiring hunters. | ||
| Snakes. | ||
| Yeah, they have so many pythons. | ||
| All these crazy, dirty white people who wanted to own a python, and their mother's like, you get that thing out of the house! | ||
| They just open up the back door, chuck it in the yard, and it slithers off into the swamps. | ||
| I mean, Florida's all filled with swamps, and the pythons thrive there. | ||
| Come on! | ||
| I didn't know that! | ||
| You didn't know that? | ||
| No! | ||
| Oh, dude, there's a giant problem with pythons in Florida. | ||
| Because of man again. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| Easy money not for python hunters who grapple with Everglades giants for $8.10 an hour. | ||
| Fucking, they're so big, dude, they found one of them that had eaten an alligator, and the alligator was popping out of its body. | ||
| They were both dead. | ||
| They were both dead floating in the water, but this fucking eight-foot alligator was inside this python's body. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| Christ. | ||
| Look at this one. | ||
| A 144-pound reptile up on a levy. | ||
| They dispatched it with a 9mm pistol shot to the head. | ||
| Inside, they found 70 or 80 eggs. | ||
| See, there's a plague of them in the Everglades. | ||
| There's so many of them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
A plague. | |
| It says it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| More than 800 caught this year. | ||
| This year? | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Six months into the year? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And what may be the most successful program ever aimed at the huge constrictors that are killing the Everglades' mammals, wading birds, and alligators. | ||
| And alligators, motherfucker! | ||
| Alligators! | ||
| Yeah, they have python catching contests, they track them with dogs, they're doing everything they can. | ||
| But, you know, they're not putting a dent in them. | ||
| There's so many of them out there, man. | ||
| I used to watch the Gator one where they'd shoot them and... | ||
| Oh yeah, swamp people? | ||
| Swamp people, yeah. | ||
| Because at first they were extinct and then they dialed that back and they're like, oh fuck, now they're overrunning shit, go ahead and get them. | ||
| Well, I used to live in Florida when they were going extinct. | ||
| What is this one? | ||
| It was a deer that was inside. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look at that. | |
| A python. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Look at the size of that deer. | ||
| That's a big deer and it's inside this python. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck. | |
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| That's funny. | ||
| We have people who don't have jobs, who have day jobs, people have night jobs, some people have computer jobs, technical jobs, and they're all hunters, herpetologists, military veterans. | ||
| All these people are doing this, going to the Everglades, trying to solve this problem, they're saying. | ||
| Adventure and a desire to defend the Everglades. | ||
| Look at that! | ||
| What thrills me is the fight, the fight that the snake gives you. | ||
| That's my drama right now, man. | ||
| Maybe one day you won't win. | ||
| You're definitely, you're not going to bat a thousand at that job. | ||
| I mean, they're capable of killing people for sure. | ||
| When they get that big where they can swallow a deer. | ||
| A deer? | ||
| That's a small deer. | ||
| I mean, it's not big like a... | ||
| A giant mule deer or anything. | ||
| Look at that one that they caught. | ||
| What in the fuck, man? | ||
| I mean, that's five grown men a good distance apart, and there's still some bows in that thing. | ||
| It's 132 pounds, 17 feet long. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Jesus Christ, that is a big fucking animal. | ||
| That is huge. | ||
| And this is all just from assholes. | ||
| It's just assholes. | ||
| Just chucking them into the woods and going, I'm done with it. | ||
| The thing bit me in the hand. | ||
| I can't. | ||
| My mouth is open. | ||
| I can't get over that. | ||
| That is now a plague because of that. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| I mean, if you think they killed 800 of them this year and they're not even putting a dent in it, how many are out there? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know what else they found out there? | ||
| Nile crocodiles. | ||
| They have a shoot to kill order on Nile crocodiles. | ||
| So some assfuck dickwad let Nile crocodiles loose and they think there might be breeding populations of Nile crocodiles. | ||
| Those 28 foot ones that eat wildebeests and shit. | ||
| With teeth like the size of our hands and shit? | ||
| Two days ago, this guy was doing a baptism. | ||
| And this dude in Ethiopia. | ||
| And as he's in the middle of doing the baptism, a fucking crocodile lunges up out of the water and snatches him in front of his whole congregation. | ||
| And brought him under? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Crocodile jumps from Ethiopian Lake and kills pastor during mass baptism. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Holy shit! | |
| God's got all the plans for me, children. | ||
| Yeah, no shit. | ||
| God's got all the plans. | ||
| Fuck, man. | ||
| Man. | ||
| I worked in a junkyard growing up. | ||
| My friend's dad had a junkyard out in Mount Airy. | ||
| It was called Mount Airy Auto Wrecking. | ||
| And there was one day where... | ||
| So we would have our own yard car. | ||
| We're driving. | ||
| We were in charge. | ||
| We were younger kids. | ||
| So he would be like, you're going to go get all the aluminum. | ||
| You're going to basically clean up a junkyard of all the loose aluminum. | ||
| We're going to put it in these bins. | ||
| We'll melt it down. | ||
| Then they sell it off in, like, these little trays, you know. | ||
| And one day I hear this. | ||
| We had a bunch of feral cats, but we didn't have any dogs. | ||
| And one day I hear this fucking, like, growling. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I hear this. | |
| And I look over, and there's a fucking rabid raccoon. | ||
| It had one solid white eye, one solid blue eye, and it's bouncing just up and down. | ||
| It's not charging us, and we're like, what the fuck? | ||
| We start throwing rocks and shit at it, and then we're like, maybe it's protecting babies. | ||
| We don't know what the fuck this thing's doing. | ||
| So we go down to tell his dad, and this customer's down there. | ||
| This is out in the country. | ||
| This customer's down there. | ||
| He's like, I got a pistol in my fucking car. | ||
| He brings this thing up. | ||
| Two to the dome to put it down. | ||
| Two. | ||
| Two? | ||
| Took one to the head and it just was like... | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's laying down, growling, and it took two to put this rabid raccoon fucking down. | |
| And it was rabid? | ||
| They gotta test it? | ||
| It was definitely, yes. | ||
| Definitely rad to have the, whatever, animal control come out and take it away and shit. | ||
| Where does rabies come from? | ||
| Like, there has to be like... | ||
| I always thought that about, like, VD. Who's patient zero? | ||
| What dirty motherfuckers out there giving everybody syphilis? | ||
| What did you do, dude? | ||
| What did you have to do to get gonorrhea? | ||
| Who's the first person that got gonorrhea? | ||
| Because it's crazy that there's diseases that kill people. | ||
| Like Al Capone, he got killed by syphilis. | ||
| I know that, yes. | ||
| And you get killed by some shit that you get from fucking. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Let him eat him alive, they let him do it. | ||
| Is that what they did? | ||
| That's what I've read before. | ||
| Like, they couldn't get him on anything, so they got him on tax evasion, and then when he developed syphilis, they didn't treat it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, really? | |
| Yeah, and then he lost his mind. | ||
| He just ate his brain away. | ||
| He went crazy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, Jesus. | |
| Al Capone, bro. | ||
| Did you know that syphilis is the reason why all those dudes in the olden days had powdered wigs? | ||
| No. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| Man, I should come here for my education, goddammit. | ||
| You get goofy-ass education. | ||
| You miss out on a lot of critical shit. | ||
| I'm gonna be repeating this, man. | ||
| Well, I do it. | ||
| I repeat it wrong all the time. | ||
| We've covered this several times, so I'll just be really brief. | ||
| There was these royals from, was it France? | ||
| Something like that? | ||
| Jamie will come up with the story. | ||
| But they got syphilis, and to cover their syphilis, they started wearing wigs. | ||
| And syphilis was running rampant. | ||
| So all these rich people started wearing wigs. | ||
| These big-ass wigs. | ||
| Can I ask you? | ||
| Was it eating their skin? | ||
| Was it like a psoriasis and shit that was noticeable? | ||
| Yeah, the hair falls out. | ||
| A big, patchy, fucked up. | ||
| That's the only reason they did it? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I thought it was all to be majestic. | ||
| No, it became that. | ||
| See, it became that, and the bigger the wig, the more money you had. | ||
| Like, if you had a lot of money, you'd get a big, crazy wig. | ||
| That's why we call rich people big wigs. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow! | |
| Isn't that crazy? | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Why do people wear powdered wigs like those guys? | ||
| And it all came out of these two brothers, I think they were? | ||
| For nearly two centuries, powdered wigs called perukes were all the rage. | ||
| The chic hair pieces would have become popular. | ||
| Would have never become popular, however, if it hadn't been for a venereal disease, a pair of self-conscious kings, and poor hair hygiene. | ||
| The Perukes story begins, like many others, with syphilis. | ||
| By 1580, the STD had become one of the worst epidemics to strike Europe since the Black Plague. | ||
| And according to William Close, an infinite multitude of syphilis patients clogged London's hospitals and more filtered each day. | ||
| Without antibiotics, victims faced the full brunt of the disease, open sores, nasty rashes, blindness, dementia, and patchy hair loss. | ||
| Baldness swept the land. | ||
| And so, these dudes, Louis XIV was only 17 when his mop started thinning. | ||
| Worried about baldness would hurt his reputation. | ||
| Louis hired 48 wig makers to save his image. | ||
| Five years later, the King of England, Louis' cousin, Charles II, did the same thing when his hair started to go gray. | ||
| Both men likely had syphilis. | ||
| Cordier's, is that how you say that? | ||
| I would go with that. | ||
| And other aristocrats immediately copied the two kings. | ||
| They sported wigs, and the style trickled down to the upper middle class. | ||
| Europe's newest fad was born. | ||
| Isn't that crazy? | ||
| That is crazy. | ||
| See where it says there? | ||
| The bill for large, elaborate perukes ballooned to as high as 800 shillings. | ||
| The word bigwig was coined to describe snobs who could afford big, poofy perukes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hmm. | |
| So the average was 25, and they're paying upwards of 800. Yeah, look at these dudes. | ||
| They had, like, crazy wigs. | ||
| Like, who are those wigs? | ||
| No shit. | ||
| All because of an STD. Yeah, they all were bald with fucking sores and shit everywhere. | ||
| Looks like one on his face. | ||
| Yeah, what's that on his face? | ||
| Probably got a hole in his face. | ||
| Losing his teeth. | ||
| Still fucking. | ||
| Somebody was still fucking him, yeah. | ||
| Getting a semi-hard dick. | ||
|
unidentified
|
God! | |
| Shooting their poison into people. | ||
| What an education here. | ||
| Oh, imagine life before antibiotics. | ||
| I can't imagine life before, like, the 80s. | ||
| I mean, I don't know how people did shit. | ||
| Like, when we were having a baby, I thought about, like, how did people do this in the covered wagon? | ||
| Like, just going there. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They still do it in bathtubs, these assholes. | ||
| Rice fields. | ||
| I was reading these things about these ladies that'll go out in rice fields and stand and they'll hold and they'll... | ||
| Drop it into the water? | ||
| I don't know if it goes in water, but they just natural and squat and then they'll just have it and have someone there to catch it instead. | ||
| Like, fuck! | ||
| I was like, nah. | ||
| I think in Baltimore, Mercy, it's called Mercy Hospital, they were the first, I'm pretty sure they pioneered the underwater birth, like you can go get in a tub there, a big tub, and then they say, I guess that's the most natural way to have a baby, I guess it makes sense if you're in a placenta and you're just basically transferring into another one before you come out instead of just boom out, but they say it's, I don't know how it's natural, I mean, how can it be natural if water's not attached to it? | ||
| How does a kid breathe? | ||
| Well, I think, I don't know, they pull out quick and bring up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hmm. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| And it's in like a tank and she sits in there and then they just deliver it in this big, big water tank. | ||
| Like, how's a kid breathing when they're in the womb? | ||
| I never thought about that. | ||
| I've literally never thought about that. | ||
| I know they're attached to the umbilical cord. | ||
| They're in there. | ||
| They're all curdled up in a fetal position. | ||
| How do they get in there? | ||
| Is it going through the cord? | ||
| I mean, I think all life comes through the belly button. | ||
| Right, the food comes through the cord. | ||
| So do they not have to breathe while they're still attached to the cord? | ||
| How does that work? | ||
| Here it goes. | ||
| The fetus does not actually breathe in the womb. | ||
| It's a fucking monster! | ||
| The mother breathes for the fetus and essential oxygen is passed to the fetus through the umbilical cord. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The fetus does not make breathing-like movements, though. | ||
| These begin at nine weeks of pregnancy and allow the fetus to practice this breathing movement. | ||
| Fuck, man. | ||
| You know what's really weird? | ||
| You take a baby, you chuck them in the water, they immediately hold their breath. | ||
| They know exactly what to do. | ||
| But monkeys don't. | ||
| Throw a monkey in the water, they fucking panic, they start breathing water, and they die. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Chimps, too. | ||
| I can't get over the education. | ||
| I'll be telling everybody, you know chinchillas, they'll drown in the water, you know? | ||
| I tried. | ||
| Joe Rogan told me. | ||
| I did a hundred of them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They all drowned. | |
| A hundred drowned. | ||
| This is my study. | ||
| It's peer-reviewed. | ||
| Yeah, there's something about people. | ||
| We know how to hold our breath even when we're babies. | ||
| If somebody takes a look like that Nirvana picture, remember? | ||
| That was a real baby swimming. | ||
| Kids love it. | ||
| As long as you do it to them at an early age and you're there to catch them, oh, this is horrible. | ||
| Don't watch this. | ||
| Don't show me this. | ||
| I don't want to see this fucking baptism. | ||
| They're slamming this baby into the water. | ||
| What race is that? | ||
| Greek Orthodox. | ||
| Yeah, fuck that. | ||
| That's crazy shit. | ||
| I think Segura sent me that. | ||
| I'm like, what is that? | ||
| I'm looking for babies in a pool and that light just popped up. | ||
| Let's end all this baby stuff. | ||
| That's a horrible thing that they do. | ||
| They smash that kid into the water and pick him up by their arms and smash him down in the water again. | ||
| They do it a bunch of times. | ||
| Then they cut his dick. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Your dick don't look pretty, bro. | ||
| Nope. | ||
| Cut it up, bro. | ||
| One day old dick. | ||
| Cut it up, man. | ||
| Slice. | ||
| Slice and dice. | ||
| I was glad I didn't have a boy. | ||
| Do you have two girls? | ||
| All girls. | ||
| All girls. | ||
| Three girls? | ||
| Three girls. | ||
| If you had a boy, would you get them circumcised? | ||
| No. | ||
| See, I was glad I didn't have to make that decision. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Stick mutilation. | |
| Yes. | ||
| Stick mutilation. | ||
| I am. | ||
| I grew up Catholic. | ||
| I am, but I was like, would I do that to my own son? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No way. | |
| I don't know. | ||
| No way. | ||
| Dude, sometimes they lose their dick. | ||
| Sometimes it gets infected. | ||
| It happens every year. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yes, every year. | ||
| Just a shoddy little circumcision job? | ||
| Every year, kids get infections from circumcisions and they lose their dick. | ||
| Every year, also, kids, this has happened multiple times, kids have been circumcised by a traditional, you know, what is it, a mohel with a rabbi, and the rabbis had herpes, and they've transferred it because the rabbi has to suck the kid's dick to stop the bleeding. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No! | |
| Yes. | ||
| They still do that? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| They still do that and they still defend it. | ||
| It's a traditional way of doing it. | ||
| And you're giving it herpes? | ||
| People have given the babies herpes and the kids have died from it. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| They've died from it. | ||
| Yeah, I didn't know that still was going down. | ||
| Dude, they suck the baby penis. | ||
| And there's a fucking video of this one rabbi explaining the necessity of doing this because it's the part of the ancient book. | ||
| It's in the Torah, wherever it is. | ||
| Robert Baker estimates 229 deaths per year from circumcision in the United States. | ||
| Bollinger estimates that approximately 119 infant boys die from circumcision related each year in the U.S. 1.3% of all male neonatal deaths from all causes are from circumcision. | ||
| There are several case reports of death in the medical literature. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| People die all the time from circumcision. | ||
| Just understand that, folks. | ||
| This is an elected, unnecessary surgery that you're doing to a fucking baby, and there's no medical reason to do it. | ||
| AIDS prevents AIDS. People say stupid shit like that. | ||
| The fuck it does. | ||
| The fuck it does. | ||
| It doesn't make any sense. | ||
| There's a lot of people that are doing it to justify the fact they've done it forever and try to come up with a little hygiene. | ||
| Wash your dick, you dirty bitch. | ||
| Soap and water. | ||
| Wash your dick. | ||
| I watched a guy at the gym one time. | ||
| It's an old dude. | ||
| Stood underneath the hand dryers. | ||
| With his balls? | ||
| Yeah, he rolled his circumcised dick down to dry them. | ||
| I never used that hand dryer again. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I was like, there's a good move, dude. | |
| That dude doesn't have any shame at all. | ||
| I don't know if those numbers are accurate that you just read or that we just pulled up. | ||
| I found another article talking about it, and this is an Australian link to talking about the same information. | ||
| It says that according to the study that not all deaths that might be circumcision-related are officially recorded. | ||
| So there might be more. | ||
| So they hide it. | ||
| They call it something else. | ||
| They say it's an infection or something like that. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| It's unnecessary. | ||
| It's barbaric. | ||
| They're going to look back on this 100 years, 500 years from now, and they're going to make fun of it the same way we make fun of powder wigs. | ||
| But it's even worse, because you're doing it to babies. | ||
| The babies can't eat, they don't even have anything to say. | ||
| By the time they're adult, they're like, what happened to my dick exactly? | ||
| Like, oh, we just thought it was ugly. | ||
| We had you cut. | ||
| Cut? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, I would, you should, I mean, you should be, that's a decision a person should be able to make. | ||
| Because I feel like every guy at the age where they were old enough to make that would be like, fuck, I'm not doing that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm not doing that. | ||
| Did you know that some guys are trying to grow their foreskin back? | ||
| Yeah, this is what they're doing. | ||
| They're taking the skin that they have, the regular skin around their dick, and they're stretching it out. | ||
| And there's all these devices. | ||
| What, like the lip pull and the ear pull and they're trying to get it to go back? | ||
| So they're taking like the base of their dick, where it was cut, and they're pulling that skin up a little bit every day. | ||
| I'm not kidding, man. | ||
| There's like devices that they have. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Do it again. | |
| You pullin' your pants? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm not pullin' my foreskin out. | |
| So they believe by continually pullin' it'll what, reattach and grow? | ||
| Well, it looks weird. | ||
| It looks like a turtleneck. | ||
| It never really looks like, you know, it's not a single layer of skin at the top. | ||
| You got a double layer now. | ||
| You got a rolled layer. | ||
| You do have skin at the top, but it's like, you know, it's like a blanket. | ||
| It's not like a sheet. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I can't get over people. | ||
| I guess people do everything. | ||
| Why am I shocked? | ||
| There's a whole community of people that are trying to grow their foreskin back that are really angry and they feel all this pain and emotional pain from the fact they cut their dick cut when they were a little baby and they had no say in it. | ||
| And apparently it makes your dick less sensitive when you do that. | ||
| And your dick is naturally self-lubricating, the head of your dick is. | ||
| And as soon as they cut the foreskin off, then it dries out. | ||
| And we're used to dry dick. | ||
| Get that dry dick. | ||
| I've got plenty of that for you. | ||
| But apparently, regular dicks, if you don't cut them, they're moist. | ||
| The tip, like you pull that foreskin back, and that tip has got like a layer of mucus on it. | ||
| Ah, which is why you've got to clean it and keep it all clean. | ||
| That makes sense. | ||
| Jesus Christ, that was... | ||
| Man. | ||
| Yeah, it's a weird practice, man. | ||
| And it doesn't make any sense. | ||
| The fact that it's still around in this day and age with all that we know and all the risks that we know about where kids actually do get sick and die from it. | ||
| That's a real thing. | ||
| It happens every year. | ||
| Who knows how many people are out there that have fucked up dicks that are just because some asshole ancient tradition that we passed on. | ||
| Oh, you're just supposed to do it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| My friend did it to his kid. | ||
| He goes, I don't want my kid to have a weird-looking dick. | ||
| I go, what are you talking about? | ||
| Right. | ||
| How often are you going to be looking at him? | ||
| How are you going to train that kid? | ||
| Do you really think that that's going to fuck with him that much? | ||
| Yeah, but he goes to the locker room and other kid's going to stare at his dick. | ||
| I go, what?! | ||
| I've been in locker rooms, you piece of shit. | ||
| Nobody cares! | ||
| I don't give a shit. | ||
| Joey Diaz calls his dick the Cuban egg roll. | ||
| He wasn't circumcised. | ||
| I've seen Diaz's dick at least a hundred times. | ||
| At least a hundred times. | ||
| And he would pull out his dick for punchlines and jokes. | ||
| And, you know, when we're hanging around the parking lot or something like that. | ||
| I've got pictures of him with his pants down, like carrying somebody on his shoulders. | ||
| And his pants are down. | ||
| He doesn't have any underwear on. | ||
| You see his dick. | ||
| He's so crazy. | ||
| But nobody was like, I'm not hanging out with you. | ||
| I can see your foreskin. | ||
| How come you didn't get cut? | ||
| What kind of kids are you bringing your kids around? | ||
| They're gonna tease him? | ||
| You kid can't take a little teasing? | ||
| Yeah, hey, I'm sorry. | ||
| My dick didn't get mutilated by that witch doctor. | ||
| That's the fucking dick. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Your butchered dick over there. | ||
| This shit's fucking intact right here. | ||
| What did it feel like when that moil was sucking on your dick when you were two days old? | ||
| That's the thing I didn't know was still going on. | ||
| Obviously, dude, they circumcised babies still, but I didn't know that. | ||
| Dude, they defend it. | ||
| It's an Orthodox Jew tradition. | ||
| I wonder if Ari got his dick sucked when he was a baby. | ||
| Because Ari was hardcore. | ||
| They were deep in the game. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Ari was deep in the game. | ||
| Ari went to Israel and lived in a kibbutz or something like that, one of those things. | ||
| He was in one of those colonies where you're reading the Torah like fucking ten hours a day. | ||
| Deep. | ||
| Deep in the game. | ||
| He told me about that, and it's a funded trip. | ||
| You pay nothing to go do that. | ||
| I'm probably saying it, but it's not rite of passage, or maybe it is. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It's something that's paid for if you want to go, and he was telling us how he went there. | ||
| Yeah, he's a fascinating guy because he went the other way. | ||
| Yeah, he did. | ||
| They got him over there and after he just experienced it all, he was like, okay, this is all horseshit. | ||
| Those crazy braids. | ||
| Yeah, he had all that stuff. | ||
| He had the crazy braids. | ||
| He went the Kinnison route out of it. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Without the head injury. | ||
| You know, Kinnison, all that shit came from, did you know that? | ||
| That all came from a head injury? | ||
| Are you serious? | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| Goddamn, dude. | ||
| Kinnison's book, My Brother Bill, or My Brother Sam, his brother Bill wrote a book about him, and he said that Sam was one way, like a normal kid. | ||
| Like, you know, calm, regular kid. | ||
| Then he got hit by a car. | ||
| And when he got hit by a car, he was, like, seriously injured. | ||
| Bad head injury. | ||
| And then out of that, he was a wild motherfucker. | ||
| Oh, it all changed, huh? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That happens to people. | ||
| Head injuries. | ||
| I had a good friend of mine. | ||
| She passed away when she was 16, and I was talking to the doctor at the time. | ||
| I'll never forget he said this about the soul. | ||
| And we were just having this conversation. | ||
| He said, I believe the soul's in the brain. | ||
| And I said, why? | ||
| And he goes, well, everyone associates the soul with the chest and the heart and the soul and the heart and the soul. | ||
| And he said, but I can literally replace anything in your body and you're still Joe Rogan. | ||
| But the moment, the moment I even tweak your brain, you can become a different Joe Rogan. | ||
| He's like, that's why I believe the true soul is in the brain. | ||
| I was like, that's really fucking interesting. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Dude. | |
| Because you can't manipulate a brain and still, well, maybe you can, but... | ||
| You start changing even a little thing on a brain, and it can be, like you just said, become a wild man from that. | ||
| Or the other way. | ||
| You remember when you were a kid, and they had TVs that weren't that good back then, and the TV didn't work good, and you'd fucking... | ||
| Yep. | ||
| You'd smack that bitch, and it would work. | ||
| It would work. | ||
| That was something with people. | ||
| Some people, you just fucking... | ||
| Rattle their cage and they become a different thing and it works better. | ||
| But it's like a very inexact science. | ||
| Like people have gotten hit in the head and all of a sudden been able to play music and got really good at math. | ||
| Yeah, that's amazing. | ||
| Segura talks about that on his special, the head injury. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, does he? | |
| Comes back with, oh man, is it Tourette's or something? | ||
| They come back different. | ||
| Yeah, an accent. | ||
| That's what it was, an accent. | ||
| Sudden accent syndrome. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, that's real, right? | ||
| That's real. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Dude, head injuries. | ||
| It's a weird thing. | ||
| The dome is a weird thing, you know, with all the weird fucking shit going on up there and all the different synapses and neurons firing and one little... | ||
| You know, rock that somebody throws at you, bonks you in the side of the head. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Done. | |
| Now you're a different person. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Forever. | ||
| Forever. | ||
| There's so many stories about that, too. | ||
| I've talked to so many doctors and neurologists that are, you know, they study the human brain, and it's one of the most perplexing things. | ||
| It's like, you can get the same, two people. | ||
| One person gets hit the same way, nothing happens, and the other person is a different human being for the rest of their life, and they'll struggle with that injury forever. | ||
| And it's like real similar. | ||
| Real similar impact, real similar circumstances. | ||
| And you just never know. | ||
| You never know what's going to do it. | ||
| That's why these... | ||
| What's this chick talking about? | ||
| British woman wakes up with Chinese accent. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Come on. | |
| Oh, play this. | ||
| Play this. | ||
| I want to hear her. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Opened her eyes. | |
| And it was not her voice that came out. | ||
| And a 55B, sweet and sour chicken, Hong Kong style. | ||
| It's just been such a horrible thing to go through. | ||
| She was diagnosed with foreign accents... | ||
| The Inquisitor reports others who have suffered from the same change in voice had severe migraines. | ||
| Only 61 cases have been identified since 1941. One explanation for the new tongue is that her migraines, which she experiences as many as 10 times or more per month, are leaving her with neurological damage. | ||
| The condition usually follows traumatic brain injury or a stroke. | ||
| Those with FAS also experience loss of vocabulary, but call What? | ||
| It doesn't have any more than a woman talking. | ||
| You go back to it. | ||
| Let me hear it again. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Is that her? | |
| That's her, too. | ||
| How come she doesn't have it there? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Let me hear it again. | |
| She literally woke up, opened her mouth, and it was not her voice that came out. | ||
| First of all, that's not a Chinese accent. | ||
| That's a broken English accent from a Chinese person. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And why are they giving her, of all things, a food order to fucking do? | |
| That's mean. | ||
| She could have said anything in that Chinese accent. | ||
| They gave her a food order to do. | ||
| They're mean. | ||
| They told that bitch to order Chinese food. | ||
| I don't know if we can understand you in anything else with a Chinese accent. | ||
| Just say this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, I mean, that is kind of hilarious. | |
| Play that. | ||
| Play this one right here. | ||
| What does this lady got? | ||
| She's got a British... | ||
| This is a Houston mom with a British accent. | ||
| What happened to her? | ||
| Didn't say. | ||
| Did she get hit in the head? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Probably. | |
| Let the queen's tongue Well, they always are asking me how my mom got that accent. | ||
| Oh, I'm not from England, sorry. | ||
| People who don't know me, hey, where are you from? | ||
| I'm from Rosenberg. | ||
| Oh, where's that? | ||
| I'm like, we're here in Rosenberg. | ||
| Oh, you're from here. | ||
| How do you talk like that? | ||
| So that's when the whole story comes up. | ||
| Six months ago, jaw surgery to fix an overdose changed Lisa's speech, too. | ||
| I thought she was playing around with me. | ||
| I thought she was joking with me, but then she showed me that, like, the doctor had told her she was diagnosed with foreign accent syndrome, and she searched it, and then I was like, oh, Lord. | ||
| Hold up, hold up, hold up, hold up. | ||
| Pause right here. | ||
| Here's the problem with that. | ||
| I can talk like this. | ||
| It doesn't mean that I talk like this. | ||
| So if I come back, say if I got an operation, I wanted to get a root canal, and I came back and I started talking like this. | ||
| Welcome to the Joe Rogan experience. | ||
| People are like, what's wrong with you? | ||
| I've diagnosed with foreign accent syndrome. | ||
| They'll be like, why don't you just talk like you know how to talk? | ||
| No, because I've been diagnosed. | ||
| I've been diagnosed with a disease. | ||
| I have an issue. | ||
| Please be more sensitive. | ||
| And I'm calling the news. | ||
| I'd like to get on the news today, please. | ||
| I can't help it. | ||
| This is how I talk now. | ||
| Do you think they still possess the original accent as well? | ||
| Or is it just that one now? | ||
| Maybe that bitch is so dumb. | ||
| She can't tap into the other one. | ||
| She just can't go back. | ||
|
unidentified
|
She can't go back. | |
| She's got one speed. | ||
| Just knocked her into second gear. | ||
| She's trying to start off the line in second now. | ||
| All I have is second gear. | ||
| What is this? | ||
| This woman says she's been described as speaking in Italian, French, and even Japanese. | ||
| Oh, she's crazy. | ||
| She likes attention. | ||
| Let's hear it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
...syndrome, Kath, joins us now along with Professor Rosemary. | |
| Welcome both. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's a very pastel. | |
| So, look, it's 2006. You were suffering from bad health for a little while. | ||
| You'd had headaches. | ||
| And then you spoke to your sister on the phone and noticed that your voice was changing. | ||
| Yeah, I started off with just a lisp, and I was a bit concerned, and with ill health I tend to get over fatigued, so I thought it was that. | ||
| So I went to bed, and I'm still there the next morning, slowly this lisp was getting a little bit strange. | ||
| I ran stock on trends, my neuro was up there, at that time I could speak, I recalled a message, nobody got back, I thought, Okay, nothing to worry. | ||
| Wednesday morning it was starting to go like an alien and by Thursday it had gone completely and then I lost my swallow at the same time. | ||
| That's terrifying. | ||
| It is so scary for my family. | ||
| They were so terrified for me. | ||
| But no stuff stuck me in. | ||
| Wait a minute. | ||
| Why are they scared? | ||
| Because you're talking weird or because you can't swallow? | ||
| She said you couldn't swallow? | ||
| She's only spitting out now. | ||
| I've been diagnosed with inability to swallow. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like, come on. | |
| If you love me, you swallow. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Now, I've been diagnosed with inability to swallow. | |
| Plus, I have a new accent. | ||
| All of a sudden, I spoke it with an Italian accent and I can't swallow. | ||
| I'll show you the paperwork. | ||
| I got a prescription for a cup syrup. | ||
| I only cough. | ||
| I never swallow. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like, what in the fuck? | |
| But here's the thing, man. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| I mean, look, some people are barely holding on to reality. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You're right. | |
| Barely. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You're right. | |
| All I need is one fucking smack one What smack upside the head and all sudden all sweet? | ||
| It's a hot sauce of Chinese chicken former beauty pageant has foreign accent syndrome Okay Former beauty queen. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Let me hear it, baby Okay, so some people were wondering where I got my accent from It's a really really crazy story. | |
| Foreign accent syndrome is a rare condition that only affects crazy people. | ||
|
unidentified
|
While still speaking their native language. | |
| Let me hear her. | ||
| She's never left the USA. This was her accent. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hold on. | |
| Hold on. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Stop. | |
| Back up. | ||
| Back up. | ||
| Is that weed? | ||
| That's weed. | ||
| That sure is weed. | ||
| That is fucking weed. | ||
| That is a gigantic weed plant behind this bitch. | ||
| She's high as fuck. | ||
| She's playing with these people. | ||
| She's playing with these people. | ||
| This lady's high. | ||
| She's barbecued. | ||
| She got so high she thought she was British. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hear it. | |
| Irish. | ||
| Yesterday, which is September 17th, 2011, I started having problems with my voice. | ||
| Oh my god, I've got the same problem. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And I started noticing that when I tried to talk and say some things, my tongue felt like it wasn't right. | |
| I had someone ask me again about my accent, so I'm just making a new video. | ||
| I had a headache for about three days, got rushed to the emergency room, and this was in May of 2015. And so they put me to sleep, observed me for a little while. | ||
| Stop. | ||
| Pause this. | ||
| This is nonsense. | ||
| This is like people think they're a fox. | ||
| You can't stay in the one accent because you don't know it. | ||
| No one can call people crazy anymore. | ||
| No one calls people crazy anymore. | ||
| You're not allowed to. | ||
| Oh, you are so rude. | ||
| You're insensitive to her condition. | ||
| Maybe she's crazy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's right. | |
| Maybe. | ||
| She's fucking crazy. | ||
| But if you think you're a fox, like foxkin, you know there's people that are foxkin? | ||
| Do you know about this? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No! | |
| You don't know? | ||
| I don't know about Furbies. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I love talking to you, Ryan. | |
| Foxkin are people that really believe that they're in the wrong life form, that they should have been born a fox. | ||
| Specifically foxes. | ||
| Some of them foxes, some of them they think they're unicorns, they think they're all kinds of shit. | ||
| So what... | ||
| This is the same kind of thing. | ||
| This is where it gets real tricky because I think there's people that are legitimately transgender. | ||
| Like they were born in the wrong body. | ||
| Legitimately. | ||
| You agree? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I've met them. | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| I believe it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But I think there's also people that are fucking crazy and they just decide that they should have been born a woman or a man or they go back and forth. | ||
| What do we got here? | ||
| Otherkin. | ||
| Otherkin? | ||
| That's what it's called now. | ||
| Oh, here we go. | ||
| They think they're demons, angels. | ||
| Dragons. | ||
| Elvin. | ||
| Elvin. | ||
| Polymorphs. | ||
| Oh, I'm a polymorph. | ||
| I've been thinking I'm a polymorph. | ||
| Thinking about... | ||
| I want to be like one of those people in Avatar. | ||
| I want to be the Na'vi. | ||
| I'm Na'vi Ken. | ||
|
unidentified
|
This is the definition that Biden gave it. | |
| Otherkin are people who identify as partially or entirely non-human. | ||
| A dragon, a lion, a fox, you name it. | ||
| There's probably someone out there who feels like they are more of these things than they are human. | ||
| The Otherkin community can be found lurking on Reddit, Tumblr, TV Tropes, and other online forums. | ||
| I believe it. | ||
| This poor people. | ||
| Look, I think they get fucked up when they're kids. | ||
| Somebody probably cut their dick when they're a baby. | ||
| They're all confused. | ||
| Instant trauma. | ||
| I mean, I have mental illness. | ||
| I have a cousin who is paranoid schizophrenic, alright? | ||
| And my dad would tell me about it. | ||
| He's my... | ||
| I don't know how the fucking second remove shit works. | ||
| It's my father's first cousin. | ||
| Okay? | ||
| Still alive. | ||
| Dude smoked a carton of cigarettes in three days. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| I mean, we have no idea how he's ever... | ||
| A throat fucking left. | ||
| But he was really fucking... | ||
| He was a black belt in karate. | ||
| He was great at lacrosse. | ||
| He had Hopkins, Syracuse, big schools looking at him. | ||
| And then he'll tell you, he started doing drugs and he went fucking the Sid Barrett route. | ||
| He just went off the fucking deep end. | ||
| And he's... | ||
| Permanent disability, diagnosed paranoid schizophrenic, and we all love him, and he's fucking hilarious. | ||
| He'll play with it, because sometimes he's on his meds, and you can tell, you're like, oh, you're dialing in right now. | ||
| I'll start telling family secrets. | ||
| I'll be like, don't listen to him. | ||
| I'm like, no, no, no, no. | ||
| Right now is when you listen to him. | ||
| I can see it in your eyes. | ||
| The other times when he's off looking over here, I'm like, oh, you don't know what I'm talking about. | ||
| But we would go, like, he had an apartment, and I would go visit him from time to time, and he had poetry and sayings and stuff written all over the wall. | ||
| And I'm like, what is this? | ||
| And he's like, well, at night, when I'm home alone, the doctors come in through my window, they drop liquid acid in my ears, and they knock me out, and then they start taking samples of my body. | ||
| And after they leave, the love of my life comes, and I can't communicate with her. | ||
| So this is how I communicate with her. | ||
| These are there for when she comes in to speak for me. | ||
| And I'm like, holy shit. | ||
| So his windows are nailed shut to keep the doctors out. | ||
| I'm like, how's that work? | ||
| And he's like, it's not working. | ||
| So one day I'm over there. | ||
| And he's watching TV with the volume all the way down and the radio up. | ||
| And that's how he's watching this program. | ||
| And I'm telling you, it started to fucking make sense. | ||
| I was like, I gotta get the fuck out of here. | ||
| I gotta get out of here, Gary. | ||
| I'm out of here on this. | ||
| There's a disease that I'm trying to remember the name of it. | ||
| But it basically is when people are around schizophrenics for too long, they develop schizophrenia themselves. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, there's some people who are sympathetic to it to the point where, God, I want to say it's called allophrenia. | ||
| There's some sort of a disease that occasionally infects people or gets people that visit people in the hospital that are of schizophrenia. | ||
| So someone will come, like a family member will come visit you, and they will get diagnosed and they will get admitted themselves. | ||
| And they'll actually develop it. | ||
| Yeah, they get it. | ||
| I don't know like to what stage, but apparently it's a potential issue for some people. | ||
| Because like, look, have you ever been hypnotized? | ||
| No. | ||
| I thought it was horseshit. | ||
| To my friend Vinny Shorman, who is a sports hypnotist who works for a lot of fighters, he hypnotized me. | ||
| I'm like, whoa, this is real. | ||
| It just puts you in a very bizarre state. | ||
| Do you feel that state? | ||
| Yes, you're there. | ||
| You're awake. | ||
| You're conscious. | ||
| But you're in a strange state. | ||
| You feel something. | ||
| Yeah, like you're in a tube of consciousness or something. | ||
| Like you're in a womb. | ||
| It's very, very interesting. | ||
| But I'm listening to him, and he's a friend. | ||
| I trust him. | ||
| He's a great guy. | ||
| So I wasn't weird about it. | ||
| So I was like, oh, yeah, you can do it. | ||
| Go ahead. | ||
| Let's see what happens. | ||
| I was kind of skeptical. | ||
| I was like, this is horseshit. | ||
| But I've been to – have you ever been to one of those hypnotist comedy shows? | ||
| No. | ||
| My friend Frank Santos, he was a guy who, he's passed away, but he was a big time comedy hypnotist guy in Boston and in Rhode Island. | ||
| And he had a show. | ||
| And I saw his show, man, he used to do like one night a week at Stitches and one night a week at Nick's Comedy Stop. | ||
| And dude, we would go down there on days off just to watch. | ||
| It was crazy. | ||
| He would take people out of the audience, like, who wants to be hypnotized? | ||
| And he had a weird way of talking. | ||
| Who wants to be hypnotized? | ||
| You want to be hypnotized? | ||
| Come on up, come on up. | ||
| He was like a round, jolly fella, real friendly, glasses, you know, like totally unassuming. | ||
| You didn't think you'd... | ||
| And then he would bring these people on stage. | ||
| And he would just be able to take... | ||
| Sweetie, you're going to go under. | ||
| You're going to fall asleep. | ||
| You're going to fall asleep. | ||
| When I snap my fingers, you're going to think you are Sally Fields. | ||
| And right next to you is Burt Reynolds. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Smokey in the band. | |
| And you would see these people and they really... | ||
| They were like, Smokey, we got to get away from the police. | ||
| Like, they really believed. | ||
| He had this one guy. | ||
| He told... | ||
| They would actually speak like that person? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| They were out of their minds. | ||
| This one guy, he told the guy, this was the 80s, he told the guy that the guy was having sex with Madonna. | ||
| He's like, underneath you is Madonna, and you're squeezing her boobies, and she's naked, and you're about to have sex with her. | ||
| You're going to have sex. | ||
| You're having sex with her right now. | ||
| And the guy had an orgasm. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| On the stage. | ||
| He's sitting there on the stage. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's like, oh! | |
| And the audience is, I'm talking, people are falling out of their fucking chairs. | ||
| Crying, laughing. | ||
| But it was real, man. | ||
| And some people, it wasn't real. | ||
| Some people would look at him and he'd go, hey, buddy, hey, buddy, look at me, look at me. | ||
| You're not under. | ||
| Come on, come off the stage. | ||
| This guy was like, oh! | ||
| And the guy would climb off the stage. | ||
| He would know who was under and who wasn't under. | ||
| He would work with people who were trying to quit smoking or trying to quit gambling. | ||
| I had a friend that did the smoking thing. | ||
| Gambling, booze. | ||
| Apparently they can do it with a lot of different things, but smoking's a big one. | ||
| But he just could do it to some people. | ||
| And I'm telling you, quick. | ||
| There's fucking 300 people in the room. | ||
| But he would be like, I'm going to count my fingers from the count of three. | ||
| You're in the car and the police are chasing you. | ||
| One, two, three. | ||
| What are you doing now? | ||
| I'm in the car! | ||
| The cops are chasing me! | ||
| And it was just instant, man. | ||
| I mean, it was... | ||
| Some people, they just fall into these states of mind, and they're open to suggestions. | ||
| Some people can be hypnotized. | ||
| And this is why some people, I think, join cults. | ||
| Like, I'm watching this new Netflix program, Wild Wild Country. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Fucking crazy. | ||
| I just started, yeah. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| But... | ||
| Some people, I think, are more susceptible to suggestion and more susceptible to cults. | ||
| And I think that's what's happening. | ||
| I think that's what's happening with this allofrenia thing, if that's what it's called. | ||
| I might be remembering that incorrectly. | ||
| But this thing that being around a schizophrenic person, like whatever weird error their brain is making, your brain tunes into that error and you start going crazy too. | ||
| As soon as that shit made sense, I was like, I gotta get the fuck out of here. | ||
| He's never hurt anyone, but he's still, you know, these days, he's probably in his 60s, not in any kind of shape. | ||
| But back then, when he still knew martial arts, he was dangerous. | ||
| But he never hurt anybody, but he knew how to. | ||
| And So one day, there's Eastern Avenue in Baltimore, for lack of a better term, the Ventura Boulevard of Baltimore. | ||
| Shops everywhere and everything. | ||
| And there was this one woman that had cut his hair one time. | ||
| And for him, to touch his head was a big deal for him. | ||
| So he immediately fell in love with this lady. | ||
| Her name was Carissa. | ||
| So he went home and got his guitar. | ||
| And the thing about this guitar, like this dude would pawn his bed, his guitar, everything. | ||
| But that guitar was always out of tune exactly the same way. | ||
| You understand what I'm saying? | ||
| Does that make sense? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| Okay, so always fucked up, but always consistently fucked up. | ||
| Every guitar he had, that's how he tuned it. | ||
| That's how he heard it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, wow. | |
| So he writes her a love song, and he wants to go up to her shop and now sing it for her. | ||
| So he goes up, he stands out in front of the shop, and he gets her attention, he's got his guitar, and he's gone. | ||
| It starts off where he goes, Chris, I love you! | ||
| Baltimore accents. | ||
| Her name's Carissa, but he says, Chris-a, okay? | ||
| Chris, I love you! | ||
| Chris, I need you! | ||
| Then he goes, Chris, I don't die! | ||
| Chris, I don't cry, because I want to die! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Chris, I don't... | |
| And she's freaking out, like, what the fuck? | ||
| Yeah, like, your eyes. | ||
| So they call the police... | ||
| He gets arrested, but he doesn't understand why he's arrested. | ||
| In his mind, what did I do wrong? | ||
| I just wrote a beautiful song for someone I care about, and I wanted to share it with her. | ||
| So my cousins, all of us were like, we got to go to court and watch this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
This is going to be fantastic, because he's got... | |
| He's gotta go to court. | ||
| So they bring him out from the back. | ||
| Oh no. | ||
| And he stands up and it's a female judge and his mom, my Aunt Marguerite, she's my great aunt, my grandma, I'm sister, but extended family big time and we're all there watching. | ||
| And the judge says, ask the girl her side of things. | ||
| She's like, well this happened and she's like, Would you like to speak on your behalf? | ||
| And he's like, I just don't understand what I did wrong. | ||
| I wrote a song for someone I care about and I just wanted to share it. | ||
| And she's like, would you mind sharing some of the lyrics? | ||
| And we're all like, oh shit. | ||
| And he fucking, Chris, I love you. | ||
| Chris, I need you. | ||
| Chris, don't cry because I want to die. | ||
| She goes, okay, okay, that's enough. | ||
| That's enough. | ||
| And then they're about to let him go because they understand they're going to put a restraining order. | ||
| He's under supervision, but they're about to let him go. | ||
| And she goes, oh, wait a second. | ||
| Oh, there's still an open charge here on the books. | ||
| So we're going to have to take you back today. | ||
| He starts losing his shit like, what? | ||
| My Aunt Marguerite stands up and to a judge, she goes, hun, we dropped those charges. | ||
| Everyone calls people hun in Baltimore. | ||
| She goes, hun, we dropped those charges. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That lady said, first of all, you don't call me hun. | |
| I am a judge. | ||
| You address me as your honor. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We're all like, ah, Aunt Marguerite got schooled by the judge. | |
| And they fucking took him back and he was screaming going up. | ||
| Did the family put a charge on him? | ||
| Yeah, he would do things like he would show up to their place in a cab, demand they pay for it, they didn't, he'd throw a brick through the window. | ||
| So they had him... | ||
| They had him arrested for that. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| And they really did drop the charges, but it was just a clerical error that never made it to the paperwork. | ||
| And she's like, I gotta do what I gotta do. | ||
| We're taking you back today. | ||
| And they were pulling him back and he was going nuts. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| Yeah, so that ended up that fucking haircut. | ||
| But he would say shit to me. | ||
| He would swear to me that nurses would give him head in the hospital. | ||
| And part of the time we're like, I don't know. | ||
| But one that really blew my mind was... | ||
| He had this scab on his stomach, and he was like, they keep coming in and cutting me and testing me. | ||
| They're taking me to the doctor today, Ryan. | ||
| I think I got something. | ||
| I think I got a disease in that cut. | ||
| I'm like, what are you going to do? | ||
| He's like, I got a plan. | ||
| So I talked to him later that day, and I was like, what did you do about that disease, man? | ||
| He goes, you know what I did with that scab? | ||
| I picked it off and threw it away. | ||
| He threw it! | ||
| Like, the scab held the disease. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, and you could just pick it off and flick it away and be like, that shit's gone. | |
| AIDS is out of here now. | ||
| Can you imagine? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| But that's where he gets... | ||
| I talk about it, people are like, it's not funny. | ||
| And it's not. | ||
| Mental illness is obviously not funny. | ||
| But the shit he would do, we would take him. | ||
| So it would be me and my two brothers, his daughter and two sons on Christmas Eve. | ||
| We'd go over. | ||
| We'd take him a plate of food. | ||
| We'd hang out with him for a little while and shit. | ||
| And there'd be times where he's like, you guys got a joint. | ||
| We're like, we shouldn't be smoking. | ||
| With a schizophrenic guy? | ||
| So we give him a joint. | ||
| Oh no. | ||
| And he smokes it. | ||
| And now we're driving back to my aunt in the city, which is 12 minutes away. | ||
| We get back. | ||
| What are you all giving him? | ||
| He would rat us out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's like, thank you. | |
| He's like, they came over and gave me that food, thanks, and by the way, they gave me a big fat joint, so then we would play that. | ||
| Why are you listening to his crazy ass? | ||
| Nobody gave him, like, we all had to be on the same team. | ||
| He would come to my grandmother's house when I lived with her. | ||
| He'd sit in a chair, and he smokes cigarettes like this. | ||
| I mean, he doesn't pull it any farther away than about three inches from his mouth, and just down, done, down, done. | ||
| And he'll go through three packs. | ||
| His mom died of breast cancer, and she would say all the time, I don't know how he even has a fucking throat left, and I'm dying of cancer over here, and he is. | ||
| He's still alive. | ||
| Still alive. | ||
| Smoking cigarettes like that, too. | ||
| Still smoking cigarettes like that. | ||
| It's a chain. | ||
| A carton in three days. | ||
| What is a carton? | ||
| I don't even know. | ||
| 20 packs? | ||
| That's roughly seven packs a day. | ||
| Something like that. | ||
| A day. | ||
| For decades. | ||
| For decades. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's so crazy. | |
| Oh my god. | ||
| That is so crazy. | ||
| Do you remember what he was like before he was schizophrenic? | ||
| I don't, because when I was a kid, he was already gone. | ||
| But my dad loved him and would bring him out to the house, because he was safe. | ||
| He was just crazy. | ||
| He would say shit, and he'd be like, you know... | ||
| Just don't give him a brick. | ||
| Yeah, that's right. | ||
| Be nice. | ||
| Don't give him a fucking brick. | ||
| But my dad would tell me all the time he was a phenomenal athlete. | ||
| Like I said, great at karate. | ||
| He had a black belt. | ||
| He was great at lacrosse. | ||
| No, just... | ||
| He tried to tell me... | ||
| So Highland Town is the area where... | ||
| My aunt never... | ||
| It's the old Greek town in Baltimore. | ||
| It's not... | ||
| You know, Greek is long gone in that neighborhood, but that's where he grew up. | ||
| And he would try to tell me that Highland Town was the Haight-Ashbury in Baltimore. | ||
| I was like, get the fuck out of here with that garbage. | ||
| But he was doing acid, you know, early 11, 12. And he'd dabble. | ||
| I think he said that early. | ||
| And then... | ||
| Eventually, after, like, into the college years, the 20s, he really fucking ramped it up. | ||
| So he was fine before that? | ||
| Yeah, 100%. | ||
| You know, that's a common story. | ||
| The common story is people that have a tendency to schizophrenia, or maybe they have a likelihood of developing it later in their life, acid trips, mushroom trips, heavy psychedelics tend to bring out schizophrenia. | ||
| They tend to make it manifest. | ||
| So maybe he was ripe for it, because there's no other mental illness in the family. | ||
| It's just him. | ||
| It's just him. | ||
| Yeah, man, I think, especially when you're young, you know? | ||
| I mean, think about how many people have had horrible, horrible acid trips, just taken way too much and tried to fight it, and just been fucked up for days and weeks, and then you still feel slippery. | ||
| Like, life feels weird even after those trips. | ||
| I had a DMT trip one time that fucked me up for a couple weeks. | ||
| Like, for a couple weeks afterwards, I'd be driving my car and I'd be thinking, there's gonna be a car that's gonna launch itself off the fucking, the oncoming lane and fly right into me. | ||
| I was thinking, I had this image that was gonna be upside down and the car was gonna hit the windshield. | ||
| Flying upside down, coming into you? | ||
| Yeah, flying upside down and just slant... | ||
| For weeks after this? | ||
| Yeah, weeks. | ||
| Weeks afterwards. | ||
| That's why I'm scared of that shit. | ||
| It's because... | ||
| I tried to think about what was possibly happening. | ||
| I think it dissolved my ego so much and it made me think so much about how relatively unimportant every single person is in terms of the greater scheme of the universe that Whatever it did to me had broke down all my conceptions of myself, all my preconceived notions of myself so much that my ego was freaking out. | ||
| So it tried to invent danger so I would have to be more primal to defend myself and go, look out! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look out over there! | |
| There's danger! | ||
| Instead of me going, man, what the fuck is life? | ||
| What is this? | ||
| What is... | ||
| What is the energy that courses through your body? | ||
| What is the purpose of the human race? | ||
| What are we moving towards? | ||
| Why are we so committed to innovation and technology? | ||
| I had all these crazy thoughts where I was trying to figure out what the purpose of the activities of the human race were that it was so bizarrely different than my normal pattern of thought that my mind just started coming up with all sorts of weird paranoid ideas with things. | ||
| It took me like two weeks before I normalized. | ||
| And after two weeks I felt normal. | ||
| And I didn't do DMT again for a Years after that, years. | ||
| Comedians have come on and talked about it. | ||
| I'm obviously asking you because I'm ignorant. | ||
| Is DMT, isn't that the chemical your body releases as you die? | ||
| They think your body releases it as you die, but they don't really know. | ||
| They know that your body makes it, they know that your liver makes it, your lungs make it, and they think that your pineal gland makes it, which is your third eye. | ||
| And reptiles, it actually has a retina and a lens. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The pineal gland, it sits in the center of your brain. | ||
| It literally is your third eye. | ||
| If you look at a third eye in the Eastern mysticism, that's where the pineal gland is. | ||
| And now they know that rats, while they're alive, produce DMT in the pineal gland. | ||
| This is a new study that was done. | ||
| I think this research was published over the last five or six years. | ||
| So because of the fact that they know that now, they're assuming that human beings also produce it in the pineal gland, which would, you know, it kind of sort of verifies what everybody always thought the pineal gland is. | ||
| They would call it the seed of the soul, that this is where your journey to the afterlife begins in the pineal gland and that this chemical gateway opens up and your soul passes through to the great beyond. | ||
| But can it be like a bad trip on the way out? | ||
| Oh, fuck. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's terrible. | |
| Yes, yes, yes. | ||
| I've been with people who've had bad DMT trips. | ||
| I was at Stanhope. | ||
| I got Stanhope high on DMT, and I thought he was dying. | ||
| He's at my house, and he's moaning and foaming at the mouth. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's like... | |
| I'd never seen anybody do that before. | ||
| I'd see a bunch of people. | ||
| Most people smoke DMT. They do this. | ||
| They smoke it, and then they just go... | ||
| And they lay back, and then this overwhelming experience happens to them for like 15 minutes, and then they come back. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| And they come back. | ||
| Yeah, they don't move. | ||
| That's not hours. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| It's a quick experience. | ||
| Ayahuasca is an orally active experience with DMT. What ayahuasca is, when you... | ||
| If you tried to eat DMT, DMT is broken down in your gut by something called monoamine oxidase. | ||
| So when they make ayahuasca, what they do is they take part of one plant, which has dimethyltryptamine, and part of another plant, which has something called harmine, which is a monoamine oxidase inhibitor, MAO inhibitors. | ||
| There's some in medications. | ||
| You've got to be very careful if you're taking mushrooms or something else that you're not taking MAO inhibitors as well. | ||
| So you take this stuff together, and what it does is it gives you an orally active DMT trip. | ||
| So as it's broken down by your gut, it's like a slow-release DMT trip that'll take several hours as opposed to this... | ||
| Fucking rocket ship ride to the center of the universe that you get when you take it when you smoke it because when you smoke it or intravenous use if you You know go to a doctor knows how to do that that goes directly in your bloodstream and it's just so it is Impossible to avoid you cannot you can't hang on you're just it's gonna take you to the center of the fucking universe and you're gonna experience life forms and interaction with spirits and angels and aliens and just Gestures for me is a bunch of gestures that were giving me the finger. | ||
| It was great giving me the finger like fuck you Like it was very very very very powerful But the Stanhope one was the only time I ever saw someone where I thought they were gonna die And I was thinking I can't what if I kill one of my best friends like what if I killed Stanhope? | ||
| You know, I was like I don't remember. | ||
| I think I did it first because I think he hadn't done it before. | ||
| So I said, I'll do it. | ||
| Just watch me do it and just sit down here and then you do it next. | ||
| So I did it. | ||
| I'm gone. | ||
| 15 minutes. | ||
| Come back. | ||
| I'm like, you ready? | ||
| He's like, yeah, as I'll ever be. | ||
| So I give it to him and, you know, Stanhope's been drinking since he was three. | ||
| His body is loosely held together with duct tape. | ||
| You know, Sal lies down. | ||
| If he lies down and pushes his stomach out, he's got these fucking, what is it called? | ||
| No, not hemorrhoids. | ||
| What is it called? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hernias. | |
| He's got hernias. | ||
| His stomach will poke through the wall of his stomach. | ||
| Or his gut will poke through the wall of his abdomen. | ||
| He's got a bunch of those. | ||
| He's got them all over the place. | ||
| Just like this. | ||
| And they'll pop up. | ||
| You're supposed to get those fixed. | ||
| He's not picking anything up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He just keeps on trucking. | |
| And I've talked to him about this too. | ||
| He's like one of those no MRI guys. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nah. | |
| No doctors. | ||
| No MRIs. | ||
| I don't want to know what's going on in there. | ||
| That's everyone dead in my family, by the way. | ||
| That's why I go to doctors. | ||
| Drinking, smoking, smoking. | ||
| That's everybody. | ||
| So, and this is more than 10 years ago. | ||
| This is probably 2002, while this is all going down. | ||
| So me and Stanhope are on my couch, and he is moaning like this. | ||
| Foam's coming out of the corner of his mouth, and he's like slumped over, and I'm just praying. | ||
| I'm like, please don't die. | ||
| Please don't. | ||
| Because I didn't expect this. | ||
| I expected what everybody else, who I've seen maybe a handful of people do DMT, they all do the same thing. | ||
| They smoke it, they lay back, they trip balls, they come back in 15 minutes, and they're like, what the fuck was that about? | ||
|
unidentified
|
But then he came back, and he's like, oh, life eats life. | |
| There's a constant cycle. | ||
| It's like he just goes on into the next thing, and then life goes on, and life's like, I'm so far behind. | ||
| I'm so far behind with my thinking. | ||
| I'm so far behind with everything. | ||
| And I'm just like, I'm just glad you're alive, dude. | ||
| Yeah, no shit. | ||
| I almost killed my cousin like that. | ||
| Two times I've watched people almost die on drugs that I was with. | ||
| The one that scared me was my cousin. | ||
| We found out my cousin, Timmy, he's allergic to... | ||
| It's got to be THC. He's allergic to weed. | ||
| It just destroys... | ||
| I mean, like that will fucking turn him gray and... | ||
| So this is what we didn't know. | ||
| So his younger sister, she was turning 19, I think it was. | ||
| And I'm living with them at the time. | ||
| My grandmother just passed away and I don't have a place to stay and her sister, my Aunt Marguerite, took me in. | ||
| And I'm living with them and my cousin Jennifer's like, I'm having a birthday party tonight at the house. | ||
| The girls are all going to come back here, right? | ||
| So we get some good weed from Oregon. | ||
| It was rare to get good fucking bud from the West Coast in the early, you know, the 90s regularly. | ||
| And you always got, we called it practice weed. | ||
| That's what we always fucking got. | ||
| But this shit came, and I rolled one. | ||
| Oh, it was beautiful. | ||
| It just had a pencil point to it while we're smoking it. | ||
| And I was like, it's February. | ||
| It's so fucking cold. | ||
| That bone-chill cold. | ||
| I'm like, let's go sit in my car. | ||
| I'm gonna smoke this joint. | ||
| I had a 1990 Honda Civic with original rims, bro. | ||
| We're in there fucking smoking. | ||
| We're listening to Hendrix. | ||
| And he takes one hit and he goes, let me have one more. | ||
| I'm like, you shouldn't. | ||
| You remember that? | ||
| He's like, let me have one. | ||
| I'm like, this is really strong weed. | ||
| He's like, let me have one more. | ||
| He hits one more. | ||
| So we get out of the car, and he's like just standing up, and he looks like he just stole second. | ||
| He's got his hands on his knees, he's breathing heavy and shit. | ||
| I'm like, are you alright? | ||
| I'm like, let's go get back inside. | ||
| And I'm walking down the driveway, and I remember visually seeing that gust of wind come around the corner of the house and just plant itself in my fucking chest. | ||
| So I get the fucking shakes. | ||
| It's like two degrees outside. | ||
| We go in the house, and we just start throwing thermals and shit on. | ||
| And as I'm doing it, I'm looking at him, and I'm like, Hey, man, you don't look so good, dude. | ||
| He's touching himself in the mirror. | ||
| He's turning gray. | ||
| He starts sweating. | ||
| He's like, I don't fucking feel good. | ||
| I'm like, go upstairs and get some water right now. | ||
| And it progressed so quickly, and he looked like shit so bad that I'm over in the mirror looking at myself. | ||
| I'm like, I'm okay. | ||
| I'm fine. | ||
| I go out to come tell my cousin, his sister, what happens. | ||
| And there's a fireplace. | ||
| Fire's going. | ||
| I'm sitting next to her, and we're just warming up. | ||
| And I'm like, he goes, what? | ||
| She goes, what the fuck's my brother over there? | ||
| I go, we just went out in the car. | ||
| We got high, and he's fucking freaking out. | ||
| She goes, well, there's 19 girls here, and 17 of us are tripping on acid right now. | ||
| I go, what? | ||
| Oh, my God! | ||
| There's two girls scared of the other group locked in the bathroom, okay? | ||
| He comes back down the stairs, and he's battling for life at this point. | ||
| He's trying to get in the bathroom. | ||
| They think it's the girls on acid, so they're not letting anyone in. | ||
| He just turns around, and at the time, we're watching. | ||
| I'm like, look at him! | ||
| Look at him now! | ||
| And he just takes two steps, and he stands erect. | ||
| And just rocks back and goes face forward into the banister. | ||
| It cracks, busts his face open. | ||
| He lays on the ground. | ||
| He starts having like a little seizure. | ||
| I'm like, oh my... | ||
| And I'm where you are. | ||
| I'm like, oh my god, I just fucking killed him. | ||
| Friday had just come out. | ||
| My cousin on point jumps on top of him and is like, you got knocked the fuck out. | ||
| They all start laughing. | ||
| I'm like... | ||
| By the way, my aunt and uncle, they're asleep upstairs. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, no. | |
| And I'm like, oh, my God. | ||
| His eyes are rolling back in his head. | ||
| This one girl grabs the fucking phone to call 911. She hits nine. | ||
| She hits one. | ||
| I already got his head tilted. | ||
| I'm ready to go. | ||
| I'm very good in controlled chaos, and I'm just... | ||
| I'm about to fucking put my mouth... | ||
| I can't believe I gotta get my cousin... | ||
| And they're all laughing. | ||
| They're on acid. | ||
| They think it's hilarious. | ||
| I go to put... | ||
| We're about this close, and he goes... | ||
| Get the fuck off of me! | ||
| And I was like, don't hit one! | ||
| I was like, oh, God. | ||
| I go, what the fuck happened? | ||
| He goes, I was locked inside myself. | ||
| I heard everything you said. | ||
| I couldn't respond, though. | ||
| I heard everything, right? | ||
| I was stuck inside myself. | ||
| He had come out. | ||
| Now his teeth are through his lip here because he's hit the banister. | ||
| And the chicks on acid now see the blood. | ||
| And now they start freaking the fuck out. | ||
| I'm like, oh, my God. | ||
| He's like, you got to take it to the hospital. | ||
| 17 girls on acid! | ||
| 17 girls of 19. Oh. | ||
| I'm like, I'm not taking you to the hospital. | ||
| We can't go to the hospital. | ||
| Tell them we've got a bunch of kids on ass and all. | ||
| And I was like, you just got to suck it up and tough it out. | ||
| So he waited till the morning and then got my uncle because it just busted his lip all up. | ||
| And he was like, I just tripped down the steps and hit the banister. | ||
| But that was the second time that we almost killed his ass. | ||
| He did a gravity bong one time out of the kitchen sink. | ||
| I really thought he was going to die. | ||
| I'm like, why would you ever touch weed again? | ||
| I was in New York, filming Fear Factor. | ||
| I was with some friends that I don't know if they get high. | ||
| They definitely don't get high on a regular basis. | ||
| But we're all having a good time. | ||
| We're at a bar and it's post 9-11, right? | ||
| And so New York had a lively, weird feel to it, like a friendly feel to it. | ||
| It was very strange. | ||
| Like after 9-11, something happened in New York where it was so devastating and horrible that in the recovery process... | ||
| People were nicer to each other. | ||
| It was very strange. | ||
| So anyway, it was a friendly feeling. | ||
| So we're all sitting outside. | ||
| We're in this bar. | ||
| We're having a couple of drinks. | ||
| It's right after filming. | ||
| I'm with the producers and a bunch of the people that work on the show. | ||
| And I go, hey, you guys want to get high? | ||
| And they go, yeah, sure. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, okay. | |
| So come on outside. | ||
| And I'm giving them that... | ||
| Serious California weed. | ||
| Some serious California weed. | ||
| I don't remember what the name of it was, like whatever the jailbreak or whatever the fuck it was called, but it was really strong. | ||
| We all take a hit of this joint. | ||
| I take a hit, I pass it to my friend, he takes a hit, he passes it to this other guy, and then he passes it to my friend Shai, and she's one of the producers on the show. | ||
| She takes a hit of it, and her eyes roll back inside of her head, and her knees buckle, and then she just goes. | ||
| And this is where, on the street, you know? | ||
| She dropped? | ||
| Dropped. | ||
| Caught her. | ||
| Caught her just in time. | ||
| Caught her, and, you know, we had to call the fire department, you know, we called 911, the fire department came, and they checked her out, and they You know, they could probably smell weed a mile away. | ||
| It's like somebody ran over a fucking skunk. | ||
| And they were like, hey, man, what are you doing? | ||
| I go, yeah, we're filming Fear Factor here. | ||
| And, you know, she just she got dizzy. | ||
| He's like, oh, she got dizzy, huh? | ||
| You know, we're paranoid and nervous. | ||
| Just lucky we caught her, man, because if we didn't catch her, she was going to bounce her head off the concrete. | ||
| I mean, she just went limp. | ||
| She just went like this. | ||
| Her eyes went back and she just went like this. | ||
| And I think it was me and my friend Tom wound up catching her. | ||
| But it was weird. | ||
| Her body just shut off. | ||
| Her body was like, too much pot! | ||
| Fuck it! | ||
| Her body was more comfortable going unconscious than it was dealing with being that high that quick. | ||
| Tell me if you've ever heard this, you'd be the person to ask. | ||
| So, like, I've never done acid, coke, I'm weed. | ||
| I've done ecstasy a couple times, not for me. | ||
| I've done shrooms a couple times where I enjoyed it, but after a while I was like, okay, get the fuck out of here. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Like, it's enough. | ||
| It's enough. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| But a friend of mine, this was when I first moved out here, we went and saw Pink Floyd at the Rose Bowl. | ||
| And we take a bunch of weed and some drinks, and he's got a couple. | ||
| This guy and girl are going to meet us there. | ||
| And she brings shrooms. | ||
| And I'm just like, I'm cool, I'll pass. | ||
| But the three of them do the shrooms. | ||
| And we're in the middle of the concert, and fucking the pigs are inflated, and they're bouncing, and we're having a great fucking time. | ||
| And I look to my left over here, and I look back to my right, and my friend's gone. | ||
| He's gone. | ||
| And I hear screams. | ||
| And I look down, and he's passed out. | ||
| He's gone into a seizure. | ||
| Rose Bowl is the bleacher stadium seats. | ||
| So he... | ||
| What happened was he fell back and his feet got locked up under the bleacher in front of him. | ||
| So he's bent completely like this. | ||
| And these fucking idiots behind him... | ||
| I shouldn't say fucking idiots. | ||
| I don't blame them. | ||
| They got scared. | ||
| Instead of catching them, they moved out of the way. | ||
| So his head strikes the bleachers and he starts going into a fucking seizure. | ||
| And I'm like, I've never seen anybody do this from shrooms. | ||
| And they're all yelling, is he epileptic? | ||
| I said, I don't know anything! | ||
| The girl that gave them to them, she saw it and she just immediately had to... | ||
| She started vomiting in her $45 concert shirt. | ||
| Her trip went south immediately. | ||
| And I didn't know what to do. | ||
| And I just fucking punched her in the head. | ||
| I punched the shit out of him in his face. | ||
|
unidentified
|
In his face? | |
| In his face, bro. | ||
| Right across the jaw. | ||
| And he woke up. | ||
| And he's like, what the fuck happened? | ||
| I was like, you just passed out and had a seizure. | ||
| He's like, how long was I out? | ||
| I was like, how long do you think you were out? | ||
| And he's like, two minutes. | ||
| I was like, it was about 15 seconds, dude. | ||
| And he's like, holy shit. | ||
| And then he was fine after that. | ||
| Except for a black eye. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't know if the head striking the bleachers what caused the seizure or but he just had this moment where he just passed out from shrooms I've never seen that before it does happen people get knocked out in the seizure that does happen I've seen that before their toes lock up one of the things when people get punched and knocked out their toes lock up really? | ||
| their whole body like I know about the arms that go up like this yeah that this shit's dangerous this their arms extend it happens all the time in fights The weirdest thing, this is, make you laugh, this is the weirdest thing I've ever seen on weed, you know, smoking weed. | ||
| So I'm an Oriole fan, I'm a Ravens fan, and back in the day I'd go to Anaheim by myself to see the Orioles and play the Angels. | ||
| And nothing was built around there. | ||
| It's a dirt lot. | ||
| I'd go buy a scalp ticket, a single from this dude, and then I'd go across the street to like $4 parking. | ||
| And where, like, it's a business complex. | ||
| Like, LADWP, they're all in there. | ||
| But the buildings are in a square and the parking's all in the middle. | ||
| And it's just me. | ||
| And a friend of mine one time, he's like, hey, he's a Cubs fan. | ||
| He's like, I know you're going to go to the game today. | ||
| I love baseball. | ||
| You mind if I roll with you? | ||
| I'm like, no, man. | ||
| Let's go do it together. | ||
| So we go out. | ||
| And it's early. | ||
| You know, it's a 1 o'clock game. | ||
| So we're getting out there like 11. And the two of us are sitting in the middle of this empty parking lot of hundreds of spaces. | ||
| We got sand chairs, smoking joints, drinking a little beer in the parking lot, tailgating before we go into the game. | ||
| Like 150 yards down this corner, this fucking pickup truck hops the curb. | ||
| And I mean, like 100 miles an hour is gunning right at us. | ||
| Again, with your friends, it happens so quick. | ||
| We rip our chairs like, what the fuck's going on? | ||
| And you know those Cadillac commercials on the dry lake beds with the Mirage and it's humming right at you? | ||
| That's what this fucking thing looks like. | ||
| And it's a big-ass truck, and it pulls up and it parks, like, just four spaces to our left. | ||
| There's hundreds of spaces. | ||
| And we're looking at each other like, what the fuck? | ||
| This lady gets out, and she's like, what's up? | ||
| And we're like, what's up? | ||
| And she pops the tailgate down. | ||
| And it's all happening so fast. | ||
| This is obviously her shit, because she's just fluid doing everything. | ||
| She grabs this thing, snaps it open. | ||
| It's a big-ass wheelchair. | ||
| And we're like, what the fuck is going on? | ||
| She goes over to the passenger door. | ||
| She opens the door up, and she gets her friend out who doesn't have legs. | ||
| And we're like, what the fuck is happening right now? | ||
| She sets her friend in the wheelchair, and she's like, you guys got weed? | ||
| You got beer? | ||
| We got fucking jello shots. | ||
| Let's do it. | ||
| We partied already. | ||
| I was so high. | ||
| I was like, is there something? | ||
| Out of nowhere, dude. | ||
| Just decided to party with you. | ||
| We're pulling in here. | ||
| You're here. | ||
| We're here. | ||
| She doesn't have legs. | ||
| We're fucking doing this. | ||
| And we were like, holy shit. | ||
| They had gel. | ||
| They were the nicest. | ||
| Everyone knew her. | ||
| You know, she was rolling through like, what's up, Teresa? | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know, she's sticking shit under her blanket and shit. | |
| I was like, that's the weirdest shit I think I've ever seen, but I've been smoking marijuana right there. | ||
| When partying is happening, the normal rules of life kind of go out the window. | ||
| Weird shit happens. | ||
| But I'm a yes and guy. | ||
| I like the story. | ||
| I wasn't going to be like, let's pack our shit up and get the fuck out of here. | ||
| I was like, let's stay here and party with these two. | ||
| Doesn't seem too dangerous. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Two ladies. | ||
| One of them's got no legs. | ||
| How about it? | ||
| One of them was a crazy driver. | ||
| But what she told me, she's like, you got a Cherokee. | ||
| I go, how'd you get in down there? | ||
| She goes, you can hop the curb down there and park back here for free. | ||
| I did that for two more seasons off that tip of her. | ||
| Oh, right. | ||
| So she just, it was big enough. | ||
| She didn't have to go, right, because she has a four-wheel drive. | ||
| Pop it right over the curb and go. | ||
| She was the shit, man. | ||
| Clever lady. | ||
| Clever girl. | ||
| Yeah, partying. | ||
| It's not good for you, but it makes some good goddamn memories. | ||
| I remember it took me, when I first started, I was a late bloomer on weed. | ||
| I was 21 when I started smoking. | ||
| I was 30. Yeah, you were late. | ||
| And it took me a month. | ||
| I was ignorant to the whole idea of just having to learn how to smoke, to take smoke into my lungs. | ||
| It didn't even dawn on me. | ||
| I would just be like, oh, just take it and I won't call for anything. | ||
| So it took like a month. | ||
| Before I got high. | ||
| And the first time I got high, I remember freaking the fuck out. | ||
| And I was trying to talk myself to it. | ||
| Like, it's a plant. | ||
| You can't overdose unless you smoke your body weight. | ||
| At least I heard that one time. | ||
| I don't know if that's true. | ||
| Even a newborn preemie can't do it. | ||
| I'm saying this shit to myself. | ||
| But I kept asking questions out loud. | ||
| Like, you guys hear my heart beating? | ||
| I was so scared. | ||
| I was like, I'm dying and no one's even taking me to the hospital. | ||
| It's kind of fucked up, guys. | ||
| They were like, shut the fuck up. | ||
| Go downstairs, dude. | ||
| You're brand new. | ||
| My stepdad smoked weed and we stole it once when I was in high school. | ||
| And me and my girlfriend and my friend Josh smoked pot over my girlfriend's house. | ||
| And we were... | ||
| 16? | ||
| I think I was 16 and my girlfriend was 15. And we got so high that... | ||
| We would wake up in the kitchen, and then wake up in the living room. | ||
| Like, we would be missing time. | ||
| We'd be missing spots. | ||
| Like, how did we get here? | ||
| Like, I'll never forget that. | ||
| Like, when you're 16, you don't really get paranoid, because you're not worried too much about stuff. | ||
| You're too stupid. | ||
| Your brain hasn't fully formed yet. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's right. | |
| You know? | ||
| And I didn't really understand pot. | ||
| I have no idea how much we smoked. | ||
| We just kept smoking it. | ||
| You know, when you're 16, you don't know to stop. | ||
| You just keep smoking. | ||
| And I just remember, like, my whole body was tingling, and we were, like, lying on the couch together, and we, like, couldn't move. | ||
| We're like, oh my god, I can't move. | ||
| Then all of a sudden, we were in the kitchen, standing in front of the refrigerator, like, how did we get here? | ||
|
unidentified
|
How did we get here? | |
| Yeah, we... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Gone. | |
| We were too high. | ||
| We had no idea what was happening. | ||
| That's the one thing that's cool about getting people high that don't get high, is you get to see that overwhelming rush where they don't really know what this is or what to do. | ||
| Chris McGuire I got him high once. | ||
| You know Chris? | ||
| No. | ||
| Stand-up comic. | ||
| Funny guy. | ||
| He produces a bunch of TV shows now. | ||
| He's one of the... | ||
| He produces... | ||
| I think he's the executive producer of that Snoop Dogg and the show of Martha Stewart. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| Anyway. | ||
| Got him high, and he's like, I think there's something else in this pot. | ||
| I think there's something else in it. | ||
| No, no, it's just, that's what pot's like today. | ||
| He's like, no, no, no, no, no, no. | ||
| This isn't pot. | ||
| This isn't pot. | ||
| This is more than pot. | ||
| Like, no, this is pot. | ||
| This is what pot is now. | ||
| Pot is now a different thing. | ||
| Totally. | ||
| You go back to some pot from the 1960s, those hippies, they didn't know what the fuck they were smoking. | ||
| They were smoking bullshit. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| This pot today is scientifically organized. | ||
| So my uncle, he's in his 80s. | ||
| He's got stage 4 cancer. | ||
| He's on his way out and he's not eating at all. | ||
| It's a couple weeks now. | ||
| He hasn't had a bite to eat in like two weeks. | ||
| And my cousin takes care of him and he's like... | ||
| I'm thinking about giving him weed. | ||
| I'm like, give him weed. | ||
| Give it to him. | ||
| He's fucking 80, couple years old. | ||
| He's got stage. | ||
| What does it matter at this point? | ||
| Like heroin. | ||
| Give whatever the fuck he wants to put him at rest. | ||
| He's like, I think I'm going to give him weed. | ||
| I'm like, let him smoke some. | ||
| He used to smoke a pipe. | ||
| Let him smoke a little bit. | ||
| So he goes down and he gives him some weed and he smokes it. | ||
| And he's like, I'm just going to stay here with you for a few hours. | ||
| And A few hours go by. | ||
| He's like, how do you feel? | ||
| He's like, I don't really feel anything, but I'm tired. | ||
| I think I'm going to go to bed. | ||
| And the next day, my cousin goes back to see him with some more weed. | ||
| And he's like, how was last night? | ||
| He goes, I didn't feel weird. | ||
| He goes, but I slept like a baby. | ||
| And he's like, all right, good. | ||
| Let's try this again. | ||
| Day two, not eating after almost two weeks. | ||
| Nothing. | ||
| Smokes weed. | ||
| And he's sitting with him for a couple hours. | ||
| He's like, how do you feel? | ||
| He goes, you know... | ||
| I think I could eat. | ||
| And he ate a fucking plate of spaghetti and meatballs, heavy-ass meatballs, boom, on day two from smoking marijuana. | ||
| And I was like, keep... | ||
| Because Maryland's way behind. | ||
| I think they finally just have their first and only legal dispensary, and he's the prime candidate for that shit. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| I'm like, go get him a prescription now and just let him smoke himself. | ||
| That's one of the saddest things about it being illegal and stigmatized for so long. | ||
| There's so many people with diseases and arthritis, inflammation, all sorts of problems that have just been told that they can't have this one thing that's going to give them relief. | ||
| It's not hurting anybody. | ||
| It's just a plant. | ||
| I got some CBD cream on my back right now. | ||
| It fucking works. | ||
| It's phenomenal. | ||
| That stuff's amazing. | ||
| I can't even get over it. | ||
| No side effects. | ||
| I'm new to the CBD side of it. | ||
| And I'm just like, man, it really fucking works. | ||
| Dude, I carry this shit with me everywhere. | ||
| Right in the fanny pack. | ||
| I got this Liberty lotion. | ||
| This stuff right here. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| I love that stuff. | ||
| I started using it when I had some tendonitis. | ||
| I've healed it since, but I had some tendonitis on my elbow. | ||
| And I started using that, and I was like, ooh. | ||
| How many times a week? | ||
| Whenever. | ||
| You can use it whenever. | ||
| It doesn't hurt. | ||
| And the next day you feel, or how pretty quick you feel? | ||
| Real quick, man. | ||
| I feel this pretty quickly. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I had a bit of a pulled muscle on the outside of my hip. | ||
| It was real stiff, and it was bothering me. | ||
| I put some of that shit on before I went to bed. | ||
| I woke up in the morning. | ||
| I was like, what did it go away? | ||
| It was weird. | ||
| I went to bed with it. | ||
| It was aching. | ||
| And I woke up in the morning, nothing. | ||
| Yeah, it's powerful. | ||
| I just slather that stuff all up on there. | ||
| It just reduces inflammation. | ||
| I'm gonna write that one down. | ||
| And here's the thing, it's one of my sponsors. | ||
| Here, you can have that one. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You have that. | |
| And here's the thing, it doesn't hurt anybody. | ||
| No. | ||
| There's no negative side effects. | ||
| None. | ||
| Nothing. | ||
| You can't get high. | ||
| I'll give you a gang of that shit. | ||
| I got a bunch of those. | ||
| I wish I had more to give you. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| I mean, I'm so new to it. | ||
| I went and got this one that was like super strength. | ||
| And man, I couldn't believe it. | ||
| I couldn't believe it. | ||
| I had a rough patch on an elbow. | ||
| I was like, I'm just going to say, that shit was calling it a day. | ||
| It's great. | ||
| Well, any sort of inflammation diseases, like people that have sore joints and problems with muscles, that stuff's amazing. | ||
| It just loosens you up. | ||
| And it doesn't hurt you. | ||
| It doesn't fuck you up. | ||
| It doesn't get you high. | ||
| You feel exactly the same. | ||
| And some people would take it orally. | ||
| I take it orally occasionally, but most of the time I just rub it on any part that's sore. | ||
| But when you take it orally, people find that it relieves anxiety, it helps them relax, and it doesn't fuck you up. | ||
| You can drive, it's not like you're high, you're paranoid. | ||
| It just chills you out a little bit, just calms you down. | ||
| I just got a CBD vape pen. | ||
| I've tried to vape, so the vape pens don't work well for me, the marijuana ones. | ||
| Plant works well for my system. | ||
| Even edibles don't really. | ||
| I took two stars of death in front of Joey Diaz, didn't do a thing. | ||
| Shame they don't do anything to you. | ||
| This fucking guy, he doesn't get high on him. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| Jamie has one of those weird bodies where he can eat, like, what's the most amount of edibles you've ever eaten? | ||
| 1,300 milligrams? | ||
| 1,350? | ||
| See, here's what I feel like. | ||
| I feel like I would have to figure out what that number is, go past that point, and then dial it back from there, and I don't really want to go past that fucking point. | ||
| 1,300 is insane. | ||
| I was trying to test to see what it took to... | ||
| But that's when you felt it? | ||
| I don't know that I did. | ||
| I'm sure I did a little bit, obviously. | ||
| I had to have. | ||
| Like, I did it again. | ||
| I took a thousand and played video games, and like five hours in, it was really tough to play games. | ||
| I didn't care. | ||
| I didn't want to sit there anymore. | ||
| So it's hard to keep my attention on it. | ||
| So it obviously worked at some point, but I wasn't freaking out or anything like people have described. | ||
| I can't take more than 100. I go into the hundreds and I start getting weirded out. | ||
| I'm a 25 to 50 milligram guy because it gives me a little high, just get a little high, and I'm fine. | ||
| Unless I want to go into the tank, I'll take 100 and go in the tank. | ||
| But when I get in there, I'm like... | ||
| And I literally start thinking about things I did when I was 14. Like, why did I say that? | ||
| Why did I do that? | ||
| Like, hey man, forgive yourself. | ||
| You were 14. Stop beating yourself up, bro. | ||
| You're 14. But I literally will think about stupid shit that I did when I was a little kid. | ||
| It forces you to examine anything in your life that you might have pushed aside. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| You have to come to grips and make restitution and figure out what the fuck you did that for and why did you have those thoughts and why did you behave that way and how are you different now and how have you grown past that? | ||
| That's the thing about marijuana. | ||
| It's a really highlight. | ||
| There's a lot of it People say it makes you paranoid, and it certainly does, but I think a lot of what that is is just making you aware of things you're trying to not think about. | ||
| It's convenient for you in normal life to not think about those things, but as soon as you get high, marijuana's like, hey, there's some shit that's bothering you, and you're not even thinking about it. | ||
| Hey, come with me. | ||
| We're going to the back of your head, and I'm going to shine a light on this. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Look at all this stuff. | ||
| What are you going to do with that? | ||
| Let's address this, motherfucker. | ||
| How about you clean this shit up? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Those pens, do you like them? | ||
| Have you tried them? | ||
| I have. | ||
| I'm not a fan. | ||
| I occasionally will use a pen, but I prefer smoke and joints. | ||
| That's what I like. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| From time to time, I'll clean out my place. | ||
| I believe in just getting cluttered. | ||
| It opens up so many different avenues to bring other things in. | ||
| Instead of Just throwing it all away, I make a game out of it. | ||
| So I go out to the Pasadena Rose Bowl and I just sell my shit. | ||
| I just sit there in a parking space in half by myself and I fucking sell garbage. | ||
| And my goal every time is to sell everything. | ||
| Whatever I don't sell, I swing by Goodwill, I donate it, and then I'm out of there. | ||
| How much have you made doing that? | ||
| Well, I would average $350, which is a solid four or five hour day out there having fun, just yelling at people, watching the goofs. | ||
| Because you see a lot. | ||
| It's interesting. | ||
| It's a weird social experiment because you see the people that are addicts to whatever it is, shoes, belts, leather, whatever. | ||
| Then you see people who are addicted to the sale. | ||
| Oh, that's just too good to pass up. | ||
| I don't need that fucking iron, but it's 50 cents. | ||
| I'm buying that motherfucker. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| And you're like, wow. | ||
| So you see, you're like, oh, okay, you want all my leather goods. | ||
| They'll come running to you for musical instruments and jeans. | ||
| That's the first wave of people. | ||
| They're sprinting through. | ||
| You have jeans, you have musical instruments. | ||
| So I just take shit. | ||
| My average was $300. | ||
| My daughter's mother, I was like, I'm just going to sell all our shit. | ||
| And she's like, you're not going to make a lot of money. | ||
| I'm like, I'll make at least $350. | ||
| It's a fun day. | ||
| Throw it toward some baby stuff, you know? | ||
| So I go out, and you've got to get out there before the sun's up. | ||
| And you've got all kinds of people out there. | ||
| They're praying to Mecca before the sun comes up and shit. | ||
| You're like, wow, this is a whole universe of different fucking people. | ||
| Not only the sellers, the buyers. | ||
| And this is the Rose Bowl? | ||
| It's the Rose Bowl. | ||
| It's the second Sunday of every month. | ||
| What do they call it? | ||
| The Pasadena Flea Market, and it's at the Rose Bowl. | ||
| Do you have to have a license? | ||
| You buy a permit, and basically your space is a parking space and a half. | ||
| That's all you get. | ||
| It's narrow. | ||
| So people are right on top of you. | ||
| So I pull the truck in and then I just set everything up behind it so I can chill on the truck. | ||
| And I just put blankets down. | ||
| I'm like, $5 blanket! | ||
| I just start yelling everything. | ||
| Like, got books! | ||
| Got CDs! | ||
|
unidentified
|
People still buy cassettes. | |
| When are you doing this again? | ||
| I'm ready to do it now. | ||
| I got so much to go. | ||
| Yeah, I want to watch. | ||
| It's so much fucking stuff. | ||
| So I get out in the lane and also play a game to like a friend of mine he would go once in a while I'm like alright let's pick the fucking item you should never be able to sell but our goal is you got to fucking sell it we had I had a VHS self prostate exam a VHS cassette and I was like I'm gonna sell this he's like you're definitely not gonna sell that today and I packaged it with a little roll away and I was like by the way this is a hilarious Father's Day prank she's like that's great how much I was like a buck bought it boom But I just get out there and I yell, | ||
| you know, because I sold a leather jacket, a nice one, and this guy came sprinting. | ||
| Do you have any more leather goods? | ||
| I'm like, I'm not. | ||
| No, I just had one leather jacket. | ||
| And I'm like, I'm out there like, so my whole thing is I set it all up. | ||
| And I don't bring plant because you can smell that a mile away. | ||
| So I bring these little, you know, that brought this vape pen. | ||
| And I'm hitting the fucking thing and I'm hitting the thing and I'm all set up now. | ||
| I got a $10 table, a $5 blanket and shit. | ||
| And whatever doesn't sell by about 11.30 noon, now it's a $2 blanket. | ||
| Now it's a dollar blanket. | ||
| Everything's a dollar! | ||
| Who are you bullshitting? | ||
| And they come running over. | ||
| And they'll buy books. | ||
| I'm like, can I get four of these for a dollar? | ||
| I'm like, yup. | ||
| So I'm hitting this vape pen, and I start to feel this weird sensation in my chest, and it spreads to my arms, and it's almost like I'm almost powerless. | ||
| I can't raise my arms. | ||
| And I see the circle start to close. | ||
| And I'm like, oh, no. | ||
| I'm by myself. | ||
| I'm like, there's no fucking way. | ||
| Breathe through this shit. | ||
| And I'm just like, don't pass out. | ||
| And I've never passed out, but that circle was fucking closing. | ||
| And I caught myself. | ||
| And I was able to keep with it. | ||
| And I was texting, you know, my daughter's mom, like, some shit. | ||
| You know, it's fucking 6 a.m. | ||
| She's dead asleep. | ||
| Like, if you don't hear from me in 30 minutes, you know, I'm texting weird shit. | ||
| So I sell. | ||
| I get back to myself, and I start selling shit. | ||
| And by the end of that day, I fucking sold the table I brought to bring the shit on. | ||
| I went home with nothing. | ||
| And I get home, and she's like, how'd you do? | ||
| And I go, not as good as I thought I would, because I thought I'd make $350,000. | ||
| So they start telling me that everybody in the apartment complex had bets against me of what I would make. | ||
| And I was like, what was the top? | ||
| They're like $150. | ||
| I fucking threw $650 on that table. | ||
| I was like, that's a good motherfucking day out at the Rose Bowl. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| PS almost died. | ||
| So I tell my friend about that. | ||
| He grows marijuana. | ||
| He smokes from the time he gets up to the time he goes to bed. | ||
| And I was like, I'm hitting one of these pens this weekend at the thing. | ||
| He goes, let me tell you how that ends. | ||
| I go, what do you mean? | ||
| He goes, I hit one this weekend at a wedding. | ||
| Same fucking thing. | ||
| He went into a seizure. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah! | |
| They took him to a hospital from the way, dude. | ||
|
unidentified
|
All these people seizure? | |
| Seizured. | ||
| And I'm like, he said for a good 15 minutes when they were like, you're at the hospital. | ||
| He didn't know what a hospital was. | ||
| He said it took him a minute to come back to himself. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| So I just recently tried a new one again. | ||
| I was like, let me just try it like an idiot. | ||
| But for like a good two weeks, I had that feeling of like I didn't have my strength. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, it was so weird all across this. | ||
| You think it's all the vape pen? | ||
| What is in the vape pen? | ||
| What is in that stuff? | ||
| Because there's a bunch of oils and stuff that they use to make that. | ||
| That's what they all tell you. | ||
| We can't tell you. | ||
| I did Todd Glass' podcast a while ago, and I was like, dude, you've had a heart attack. | ||
| You shouldn't be smoking those pens. | ||
| And as I'm telling him that story, his producer's got this look in his eye. | ||
| I can tell. | ||
| He's like, dude. | ||
| When did Todd have a heart attack? | ||
| A little while ago, a few years back. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I didn't know. | |
| Yeah, young. | ||
| And his producer was like, step by step, what you're saying to me happened to me. | ||
| And Todd Glass took that moment. | ||
| Threw that shit over his shoulder. | ||
| I was like, dude, get rid of that thing. | ||
| Yeah, just regular weed's good. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| Plant, man. | ||
| Stop playing around. | ||
| You don't need anything else. | ||
| Yeah, the people are always giving me stuff, and I was like, look, I just like joints. | ||
| And sometimes I like blunts. | ||
| I like blunts. | ||
| This is the latest thing. | ||
| With tobacco on the outside? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| See, I don't like that. | ||
| I like it. | ||
| The thing I never liked about the blunts was I really like the taste of weed. | ||
| And that old Philly's, like that wrapper, it dominates the flavor. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It's like cilantro. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| You don't taste anything but that. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| I love Gino. | ||
| He's got the shit. | ||
| And that stuff is this stuff. | ||
| It's got some sort of a nice tobacco leaf outside, but powerful weed inside. | ||
| You just gotta be careful how many hits you take. | ||
| Yeah, I bet. | ||
| Yeah, that fucking looks... | ||
| But it gives you a little elevated thing, too. | ||
| Charlie Murphy was always into them. | ||
| That's how I first got introduced to blunts. | ||
| I was hanging out with Charlie. | ||
| We did a tour together and we would get high together. | ||
| Charlie was always rolling blunts. | ||
| I was like, alright, I'll try it. | ||
| I tried it. | ||
| I was like, wow, this is interesting. | ||
| I'm like, it's different. | ||
| It's like, it's different, right? | ||
| It's different. | ||
| It's like, it's weed, but it's also something else, you know? | ||
| It's got a little extra kick. | ||
| But yeah, this pen thing and just people are always trying to find new ways to get fucked up. | ||
| Like, there's enough ways. | ||
| They're already established. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The joints are the best. | ||
| I mean, I was telling you about those doctors when we were talking before the show, and the thing he said about smoking a bowl is just, the only thing you have to worry about is the butane you're sucking in from the lighter. | ||
|
unidentified
|
True. | |
| It's not the, you know, smoking in glass, don't put it in like... | ||
| You can taste it. | ||
| Yeah, you can absolutely... | ||
| I just saw a lighter the other day at a shop that was alcohol. | ||
| I've never seen that before, and I don't know if that's any better for you or not, but it was an alcohol lighter instead of a butane lighter. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I imagine it would be better. | |
| But I've used matches before for that very reason, because I could smell... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, like that's with cigars. | ||
| Like, you're not supposed to light a cigar with a butane lighter. | ||
| They stink. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And you're supposed to light it... | ||
| The real cigar dorks, they'll take a cigar, or a lighter, rather, and they'll light a piece of cedar. | ||
| And then they use that piece of cedar to light the cigar with. | ||
| So there's no bullshit. | ||
| No bullshit fumes. | ||
| They'll take a match, light the cedar, and then take that cedar, light the cigar. | ||
| Yeah, I'm not a blunt fan, though. | ||
| But I get it. | ||
| I've smoked enough of them, but I'm like, I really like the taste. | ||
| That's why I like joints, because you can taste the weed. | ||
| I enjoy the taste of marijuana. | ||
| Yeah, I do, too. | ||
| Especially the good California weed. | ||
| The stuff we're getting today, it's like, whew. | ||
| It's nuts. | ||
| It's nice. | ||
| We live in a good time. | ||
| We do live in a damn good time. | ||
| We live in a good time for pot. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| I gotta wrap this up. | ||
| It's 3 o'clock. | ||
| Ryan, you're a good man. | ||
| I'm glad we finally did this, brother. | ||
| Yeah, thank you so much, man. | ||
| Let's do it again. | ||
| I would love to. | ||
| Tell people about your podcast. | ||
| Crab Feast? | ||
| Yeah, the Crab Feast. | ||
| Go to thecrabfeast.com. | ||
| Subscribe. | ||
| Every Tuesday we're out. | ||
| And I'm Ryan Sickler on all social media, ryansickler.com. | ||
| Who can they catch you on tour? | ||
| Hilarious stand-up comedian, too, by the way. | ||
| Right now, I'm just in L.A. I'm at the Comedy Store. | ||
| Actually, tonight, I got some dates. | ||
| I'm at... | ||
| What time are you at the store tonight? | ||
| I'm 10.30 tonight. | ||
| I'm there next week in the main room at 8.30 on the 14th, and I'm at the Hollywood Improv on the 16th. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Woo! | |
| That's it, folks. | ||
| Goodbye, everybody. |
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