June 4, 2018 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:49:02
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
| You don't want them to know. | ||
| Boom! | ||
| And we're live, Eric Griffin. | ||
| So we were talking before this podcast how you mix it up with the Android watch, but the Apple phone. | ||
| It's very curious. | ||
| Well, see, I used to be all Samsung. | ||
| I love the Android, and the watch is great. | ||
| I love how it interacts. | ||
| But then I get a girlfriend who has an iPhone, and she's like, I want to FaceTime with you. | ||
| So why don't you tell her to get Skype? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Skype app. | ||
| You're married. | ||
| You understand? | ||
| You can't... | ||
| Anyway. | ||
| That's set standards. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, hey, I'm not the standard guy. | ||
| Lines in the sand. | ||
| But then they have this app on the Apple now called Gear, which lets you hook up your phone, but you can't really interact with it. | ||
| You can't talk or anything, but it's actually kind of nice. | ||
| You just want to know stuff's going on. | ||
| Yeah, we were saying it's probably better that you can't interact with it. | ||
| Because Jamie was telling me that you could do walkie-talkie with your iPhones now. | ||
| Yeah, that's still being announced right now, so I don't know all the details, but the Worldwide Developers Conference is going on, the WWDC, so they announced the new operating system, the new Apple Watch, and the new automatic workout detection, walkie-talkie mode, and something else is going on. | ||
| There's just too much. | ||
| I have an Apple Watch, too. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| You can leave it at me. | ||
| At least sometimes I leave my phone. | ||
| I don't even bring my phone with me. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| Because you can... | ||
| Do you feel weird when you do that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Or a rebel? | ||
| Here's what's happening now, though. | ||
| If I have my watch, when you look at your watch, what does that cue? | ||
| It cues like, you want to go, or you're missing out on something, or I don't have any... | ||
| No. | ||
| Now, when you do that, it's just because you're looking at a text message. | ||
| So now it's just as rude as... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We're not... | ||
| This isn't helping. | ||
| No. | ||
| It's not helping when I go, if I'm looking, and you were talking, and I go like this, I look down, and you think, hey, you have to go someplace? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, no, I just got a text. | ||
| It's too much, right? | ||
| Yeah, it's got a tweet. | ||
| I got a retweet I'm looking at, you know, that's what it is. | ||
| Yeah, what are we doing? | ||
| What are we doing? | ||
| I have no idea. | ||
| And you know what's really weird about... | ||
| All this stuff, the phones and how we talk. | ||
| Everybody wants to text. | ||
| You can't get people to call you. | ||
| And now they're putting little emojis. | ||
| And now they're putting GIFs of real people. | ||
| So this is how I feel. | ||
| We're going in a circle. | ||
| Because we want human interaction. | ||
| We want connection. | ||
| We want to see people. | ||
| So now they're putting a celebrity up. | ||
| Like, this is how I feel today. | ||
| Why don't you put how you feel today? | ||
| Right. | ||
| Not Chris Pratt throwing a garbage can or something. | ||
| Yeah, this is my mood. | ||
| So we're slowly getting back to where it's going to be. | ||
| We're going to actually be talking to a real person. | ||
| You think so? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's going to come all the way around? | ||
| I think it's going to come all the way around. | ||
| What is this, Jamie? | ||
| This is the new thing they showed. | ||
| You're making an emoji of yourself called Memoji. | ||
| They already did that with Samsung. | ||
| They're ripping them off. | ||
| They're working together or something. | ||
| This is what I'm saying, though. | ||
| We're searching. | ||
| We're trying to find ways to be more ourselves. | ||
| You don't need an emoji of yourself. | ||
| Just be yourself. | ||
| Sorry, they're going against each other. | ||
| Oh, it takes on Samsung AR emoji. | ||
| Yeah, they ripped off the idea. | ||
| Fuck cheap fucks. | ||
| Isn't that funny? | ||
| Apple's always late. | ||
| Apple's ripping people off. | ||
| No, they were first with the iPhone. | ||
| The iPhone was the first of these kind of things. | ||
| The first iPhone. | ||
| But Androids are real close now. | ||
| They're real close. | ||
| I mean, it's very debatable. | ||
| But everything after that, they were late. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Like on an Android, you could copy and paste on an Android. | ||
| Oh, you could do that? | ||
| Two, three years before, you could do it on an Apple. | ||
| So you've always been an Android guy? | ||
| Yeah, I've always been an Android guy. | ||
| Just kidding. | ||
| I know. | ||
| I'm the man. | ||
| You get an Android! | ||
| You get an Android and we'll Skype it. | ||
| It'll be me buying her an Android. | ||
| Is there anything native to Android? | ||
| Like the FaceTime thing? | ||
| Is there something that's on the... | ||
| No, they do. | ||
| They have their own version of that, but I don't think people really use it. | ||
| They have their own Samsung video. | ||
| Oh, but Samsung has one. | ||
| What if you have, say, a Google Pixel phone? | ||
| Yeah, they might have. | ||
| But I don't think enough people have a Google Pixel phone to make that even a thing. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I thought those were really popular. | ||
| Are they? | ||
| Who do you know? | ||
| They mean one person you know that has a Google Pixel. | ||
| Damn, that's a good call. | ||
| Me. | ||
| I have one. | ||
| You do not have a Google Pixel. | ||
| I do have one. | ||
| I don't use it. | ||
| Okay, so you were given a Google Pixel. | ||
| No, I bought one. | ||
| Why? | ||
| Because I wanted to try it out. | ||
| But here's what happened. | ||
| I couldn't get text messages to work. | ||
| This is the scam. | ||
| Because you are hooked up to this... | ||
| What are you showing me, Jamie? | ||
| They do have it. | ||
| It's with the Pixel 2 or something. | ||
| Oh, Android video calling. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Google simplifies Android video calling. | ||
| Oh, look at that. | ||
| So, does that only work with Android? | ||
| Android to Android? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Is that the idea? | |
| Yeah, probably. | ||
| I don't know why they don't just work together. | ||
| Why doesn't Apple and Google just work together? | ||
| Well, they don't work together with text messages. | ||
| See, that's my point. | ||
| It's really annoying. | ||
| The iMessage thing is what fucked me. | ||
| Because everybody knew that I had an iPhone, so they would send me, because they have an iPhone, they would send me an iMessage. | ||
| And so I was sending people text messages, they're like, I'm not getting it. | ||
| I'm like, send me one. | ||
| And they would send me one, and I wouldn't get it. | ||
| And so then I went online and looked it up, and it said... | ||
| You have to disable iMessage. | ||
| Okay, so I disable iMessage. | ||
| Then you have to call up, you have to actually call up someone. | ||
| I'm done at that point. | ||
| Yeah, at that point. | ||
| You have to call up someone and tell them to take your email address off of the iMessage database. | ||
| Okay, so I do that. | ||
| And I say, take this email. | ||
| Why are you doing that, sir? | ||
| Because I switched over to an Android phone that's like, pause. | ||
| Like, I just fucking killed the queen. | ||
| Come on! | ||
| You heard an alarm go off? | ||
| I'm one of millions of fucking people out there. | ||
| You don't know anything about me. | ||
| Why do you care? | ||
| Why would you give a fuck? | ||
| But they literally, the guy on the phone felt bad that I was switching over. | ||
| So then, it still wouldn't work. | ||
| I mean, it didn't work for... | ||
| I'll get like one out of three text messages. | ||
| It all happened while I was on vacation. | ||
| I just figured I'm gonna try this phone while I'm on vacation, fuck around, but you can't. | ||
| They got you roped in with that goddamn iMessage shit. | ||
| Yeah, that's Apple's thing. | ||
| They make it free no matter where you are in the world and all that. | ||
| A lot of people have Apple. | ||
| I think Samsung has taken over in terms of like for Android. | ||
| I love the Samsung phones. | ||
| They make good phones. | ||
| They make great phones. | ||
| The difference between the Androids though Is that Samsung does not update their software very often. | ||
| They update security patches. | ||
| Because they don't need to! | ||
| But Google Pixel phones get the latest software right when it gets released. | ||
| And so like when Oreo comes out and 8.1, all these different operating systems come out, they're better, supposedly. | ||
| Yeah, for like, for how long? | ||
| A week? | ||
| I mean, no, it takes a long time before they come out on Samsung phones. | ||
| Long time. | ||
| Like six months sometimes. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Yeah, it takes a long time. | ||
| Well, there you go. | ||
| You heard the breaking news right here. | ||
| Well, maybe that's what the problem was. | ||
| Yeah, but also, Samsung puts their own shit over Android, and the real Android dorks want pure Android. | ||
| And pure Android you really only get with the Pixel. | ||
| Unless you can... | ||
| Do you know about... | ||
| How do you do, like, can you hack them? | ||
| You can hack them, right? | ||
| Yeah, like how you use, what do they call it? | ||
| Like you jailbreak your iPhone and all that kind of stuff. | ||
| They've made that just common now. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because it used to be, like, they would lock it down where, like, let's say you had Verizon. | ||
| So you could only use this phone on Verizon, with Verizon stuff, and then you would jailbreak it, and then you could, like, open it up to, like, all these other types of apps. | ||
| It's just, if they would stop being greedy fucks, Just stop being so greedy. | ||
| Let me use my phone however I want. | ||
| I'm still going to be on your system. | ||
| I'm still paying your $200 a month for your stupid phone service. | ||
| But I can't do a little extra? | ||
| A little extra. | ||
| Just a little extra. | ||
| Just a little extra. | ||
| Don't get me started on this. | ||
| I'm getting you started. | ||
| I know. | ||
| These motherfuckers. | ||
| And I can't believe the shit we have to deal with, Eric Griffin. | ||
| God damn it. | ||
| That is weird though, man. | ||
| It's weird there's only two. | ||
| That's also weird. | ||
| There's only like two operating systems competing side to side. | ||
| But that's how we are in our country. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Republican or Democrat, Apple or Android. | |
| Remember Windows Phone? | ||
| Windows Phone wasn't bad. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Was it? | |
| It wasn't that bad. | ||
| I had a friend who had a Windows phone. | ||
| I was like, oh, this is kind of cool. | ||
| It had tiles. | ||
| It was like Windows 10. You know how Windows 10 looks with tiles? | ||
| That's like a came and went. | ||
| Nobody cares about that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Came and went. | |
| Look at you. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I can't deal with... | ||
| I don't want to hear about you. | ||
| Everybody's trying to get into the phone game. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But what's crazy is, how many people have Windows computers? | ||
| It's amazing that Windows had a phone and people are like, nah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, because they know all the problems they have with their computer. | ||
| I can't even remember the last time I had a Windows computer. | ||
| I strictly went Apple, because it's just so easy to use. | ||
| And it's still not easy to use. | ||
| You know what's not easy, though? | ||
| Apple does not have good keyboards. | ||
| Like, if you have a desktop keyboard at home, and you can add a second keyboard, you know, like buy a mechanical keyboard. | ||
| But if you're a writer, if you like to write, The problem with Apple keyboards is there's no key travel. | ||
| It's very, very shallow. | ||
| So it's like just a tiny movement. | ||
| Click, click, click, click, click. | ||
| What I use is a ThinkPad. | ||
| And then one of the reasons why I use a ThinkPad is there's like travel to these keys. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| Like these keys have motion to them. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| You're old school. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, the thing is you feel where the keys are. | ||
| You feel. | ||
| So as you're typing, I can just look at the screen, and I don't have to look down at the keyboard, and they depress with your fingers. | ||
| There's motion to it, so there's no accidental pressing of the keys. | ||
| Did you take typing in high school? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| I don't remember any of it, though. | ||
| Yeah, me too. | ||
| My high school year was the last year that they had typing at my school. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Yeah, I remember. | ||
| The last year? | ||
| They were saying this is no longer because they had a computer class that they were starting. | ||
| I just thought, damn. | ||
| I look back on these things and I just go, wow, how times have changed. | ||
| Our generation is this generation that is like, we went through the first of all of these things. | ||
| I had a Commodore 64. Did you? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| I remember the first Apple laptop. | ||
| I remember like when game systems changed and color TV and call waiting and like all the things that we were, you know. | ||
| Answering machines. | ||
| Answering machines. | ||
| Then no more answering machines. | ||
| Yeah, could you even buy an answering machine today? | ||
| 976 numbers and, you know, like, all that stuff was like... | ||
| Your sex lines? | ||
| Yeah, yeah! | ||
| You could call, like, oh God, I got in trouble one time. | ||
| Like, thank God I was calling a Christmas... | ||
| I was going to call a Christmas one first, and then I was going to call a sex one. | ||
| And then I called the Christmas one first, and then my mom picks up the other line. | ||
| And I hang up, and then my mom's like, Erica, are you talking to Santa Claus? | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| How old were you at the time? | ||
| I was like, I don't know, 13 or something like that. | ||
| Just getting into your... | ||
| Even how we find porn is different now. | ||
| I'm thinking about you talking about this keyboard. | ||
| It still has a little bit of old school to it. | ||
| It has an old school feel to what you're saying. | ||
| Anytime somebody's using Windows, I know it's like, oh, they're connected to the past still. | ||
| Well, I just switched over to it recently when I fucked around with a ThinkPad one day, and I was like, wow, this keyboard is so much better. | ||
| Because I have a MacBook, too, one of the new MacBook Pros. | ||
| You just can't handle it. | ||
| It's just not good. | ||
| It's just not a good keyboard. | ||
| It's shit. | ||
| It's not just bad. | ||
| It's shit. | ||
| It's shit. | ||
| And there's no options. | ||
| Like, if you want a laptop, they don't give you options for keyboards. | ||
| Yeah, you can't customize the... | ||
| No, and you can't get a different one. | ||
| Like, if you want Windows, you can get an Asus. | ||
| You can get a Lenovo. | ||
| There's a shit ton. | ||
| You can get a Dell. | ||
| With your desktop, though. | ||
| I have an iMac. | ||
| You can hook up. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| Yeah, with a desktop. | ||
| But the problem is, most of my shit, I go on the, oh, third class action lawsuit over MacBook Pro keyboard alleges fraudulent concealment. | ||
| This guy's a research king right here. | ||
| See, but look at that keyboard. | ||
| Look how fucking shallow those keys are. | ||
| That's bullshit. | ||
| Well, it's to keep it thin, man. | ||
| But it doesn't matter. | ||
| That's bad for a writer. | ||
| If you're a writer, that's a shitty design. | ||
| Remember how thick the... | ||
| Yeah, but make it a little thicker. | ||
| Jesus Christ, who gives a fuck if it's an extra half a millimeter if you have good keyboard feel? | ||
| I mean, it depends on what you're doing. | ||
| If you're the type of person who just writes an email every now and then, but I fucking write. | ||
| I need a keyboard. | ||
| I feel you, man. | ||
| And something that could take a beating, too. | ||
| Yeah, I still fuck around with that when I, you know, I still have it, so I fuck around with that if I travel, if I go online, if I'm just web surfing, it's fine for that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| But it sucks a fat one when it deals with... | ||
| Did you get a text message? | ||
| Yeah, I'm already getting messages about this. | ||
| It's just coming to the phone. | ||
| The only time my phone has blown up like this before is when Justin Bieber posted a picture with him. | ||
| And you? | ||
| Yeah, on his Instagram. | ||
| And then my phone was shaking, shaking for a month straight. | ||
| Just from the notifications? | ||
| I turn on the notifications. | ||
| I say, you guys, nobody believe me. | ||
| Let me turn on the notifications. | ||
| And I put it down like this, and it's just... | ||
| Like, I'm talking about... | ||
| Thousands of notifications. | ||
| That guy could topple a government if he really wanted to, like, if he got political. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| That's a problem. | ||
| I mean, that's what we're dealing with with Trump. | ||
| A famous person who becomes the president. | ||
| I mean, this little kid is only 24, right? | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| Is he even 24? | ||
| Yeah, he just turned 24, yeah. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Jamie's hating. | ||
| Jamie's hating. | ||
| No, he's not. | ||
| I didn't. | ||
| He's actually a good kid. | ||
| He really is. | ||
| If I gave you $100 million and no parental supervision, you'd do some dumb shit too. | ||
| You'd do way worse. | ||
| Listen, right now I would do a lot of dumb shit if you gave me $100 million. | ||
| Just out of nowhere. | ||
| Out of nowhere, yeah. | ||
| He's done well. | ||
| For what he is, you know, the kind of fame that that guy possesses? | ||
| He's off the charts famous. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| But then so was Trump. | ||
| Trump was super famous. | ||
| Super, super famous. | ||
| This is why we can't get rid of the Electoral College, though, by the way. | ||
| Not to get political, but... | ||
| Does help, but I mean, did he rig that? | ||
| I mean, he didn't rig it, but played the game well, I should say. | ||
| But you can't have a popularity contest. | ||
| But it is a popularity contest, no matter what, even with the Electoral College. | ||
| You just have to be popular in Iowa. | ||
| Popular in Ohio and know how to do that. | ||
| Just go over there and talk about Muslims. | ||
| Shake your fist. | ||
| Why don't we... | ||
| I still don't understand why we don't just have online voting. | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| Or with their phone. | ||
| You have to have a phone and then you register your phone so that IMIE number that your phone has is strictly for you. | ||
| They already have, what do you call it, facial recognition software. | ||
| Their phones have fingerprint... | ||
| So there's like three different ways to like register and then you'll get everyone's vote. | ||
| I always say votes should be like Columbia DVD house. | ||
| Remember Columbia DVDs? | ||
| Oh, they just planned on just giving it to you for free. | ||
| So if you're a Republican, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Then your vote goes to the Republican until you go, I don't want this Republican. | ||
| I wonder what the numbers of people that... | ||
| People don't know what we're talking about with Columbia DVD because we're old. | ||
| But back in the day, you would sign up for like cassette tapes. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| And they would send you a bunch of cassettes like you'd pick what you like. | ||
| It was at a book club too. | ||
| Book club. | ||
| Yeah, that too. | ||
| But they would send them to you, but it was only like a dollar. | ||
| And you'd get like 15 cassettes. | ||
| You'd get like Aerosmith and... | ||
| Is it still around? | ||
| They still got it. | ||
| Get the fuck out of here. | ||
| No, but check it out. | ||
| They finally made it so they don't just send it automatically. | ||
| Because people were quitting the service. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But they would just send you, so you would pay, and you had like, say, three days, and if you didn't send it back, they would charge you the $9. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So that's what I'm saying about voting. | ||
| This is how we should vote. | ||
| $35. | ||
| Like, that page right there he's showing us should be like, all your candidates for Democrat, and if you don't, you have three days to pick, and if you don't pick, your vote goes to them. | ||
| That's how they should do it. | ||
| Show me what you just showed me. | ||
| What are you doing? | ||
| What'd you show me? | ||
| Click on the details. | ||
| What does it say? | ||
| It says it's $35 for like two or something like that. | ||
| Okay, free shipping is only eligible for orders of two or more DVDs with a subtotal of $35. | ||
| Pre-orders are not eligible for free shipping. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Okay, so they say it's free shipping, but it's not free shipping. | ||
| Is that what they're doing? | ||
| And they say it's $9.95 each, but that's more than $35. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Free shipping on two-plus DVDs, but the DVDs are $9.95. | ||
| So two-plus is, what, four, because it has to be more than $35. | ||
| You fucking crooks. | ||
| They're all crooks. | ||
| The record companies are so gross. | ||
| Dude, I've been talking to people. | ||
| I had Steven Tyler in here was explaining what happens now with streaming services. | ||
| And that was great, by the way. | ||
| Oh, thank you. | ||
| He's great, right? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| He's a trip. | ||
| Fascinating. | ||
| Fascinating. | ||
| I mean, you want to talk about a guy who's seen it all. | ||
| I'm never surprised when someone like that, with that type of personality, I'm not surprised that you see the kind of life and career he's had. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Those people aren't, they're a notch above the norm. | ||
| Yeah, he's definitely a notch above the norm. | ||
| Super sweet guy, too. | ||
| Nice to everybody. | ||
| Just all hugging everybody and real friendly. | ||
| He's already had his time of being like... | ||
| I'm sure there was a time in his life where he was a super dick. | ||
| You think so? | ||
| Come on, dude. | ||
| You don't get that famous at the time when people are treating you like just a god everywhere you went. | ||
| Rockstar. | ||
| That was the pinnacle. | ||
| Rockstar, A-list actor, professional athlete. | ||
| That's the order. | ||
| But do you think they have to be dicks? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, no, no. | |
| Or do you think they become dicks just because, here's my theory about that, is that the fame, that level of fame is overwhelming. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| People are grabbing at you all the time, so you just develop this dicky thing just to keep people the fuck away from you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| Like, if you get to that, I would imagine like that Michael Jordan or even Bieber. | ||
| I mean, there's a level where you can't go anywhere. | ||
| Listen, I've been around Bieber. | ||
| Yeah, what's it like? | ||
| He's never alone. | ||
| He's always got somebody there. | ||
| I don't think he trusts anyone. | ||
| And that level of fame where you're just also used to, you know, get me a water. | ||
| Get the car. | ||
| I want to go here. | ||
| When you get used to it, that becomes normal. | ||
| Just telling people. | ||
| Just telling people what to do becomes normal. | ||
| Listen, dude, I was at a party and he was there and he's like playing his music for his new album. | ||
| And he just looks at me and he says, hey, can you get me a vodka? | ||
| He says, give me a vodka. | ||
| And then I went. | ||
| I was like, oh, okay. | ||
| I was so mad at myself. | ||
| I'm over here like, I gotta get vodka. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Excuse me. | |
| Justin needs a vodka. | ||
| Everybody get out of the way. | ||
| I gotta get this vodka for Justin. | ||
| Real time. | ||
| Yeah, and then when I gave it to him, I thought, I should have said no. | ||
| I should have said, bitch, get your own vodka. | ||
| Look at your old fucking vodka. | ||
| I'm 40-some years old. | ||
| What the fuck are you doing? | ||
| Playing piano? | ||
| Get the fuck out of here. | ||
| Dude, same thing. | ||
| I was at the Laugh Factory, and he was there. | ||
| He was watching, and then Scooter, who's a buddy of mine, Scooter Braun, you know, Scooter comes down, you know, and he says, hey, yeah, Erica, Justin would like to see you. | ||
| And at first I was like, you don't summon me! | ||
| But of course I was like, alright, let's go. | ||
| I went and then I saw him too and I realized, because I'm a nerd this way, I'm a fan of all types of music, so I think the kid's dynamic. | ||
| He's very talented. | ||
| I don't think it's a surprise that he's this famous, you know what I mean? | ||
| People get on him. | ||
| Just by the way, in defense of Bieber, real fast, you can't tell somebody they're great since they're eight years old. | ||
| 8 years old, you're great. | ||
| You're great. | ||
| When he's 9, you're great. | ||
| When he's 10, you're great. | ||
| When he's 11, you're great. | ||
| Think about that. | ||
| At 13 is probably when he first went, well, am I? Yeah. | ||
| And then 15, he was like, I'm not great. | ||
| I am great. | ||
| At 18, I'm fucking great. | ||
| And then when he finally says it, then that's when everybody goes, whoa, bro. | ||
| Tone it down. | ||
| It's too late. | ||
| The monster's already been let loose. | ||
| Well, he's already mature, right? | ||
| He's already become an actual adult. | ||
| And he probably has no cum left in his body at any given time. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's just... | |
| He's shooting loads all day long. | ||
| It's just recovery time for him. | ||
| If he tweeted, I need some pussy tonight, it would be like American Idol auditions. | ||
| It would be crazier than that. | ||
| Have you seen that Guatemalan volcano eruption? | ||
| Have you seen that? | ||
| Where people are running from the smog? | ||
| It's fucking crazy. | ||
| It would be girls, guys. | ||
| It would be like that much pussy coming down the mountain headed towards you. | ||
| That Guatemala eruption is fucking scary, man. | ||
| There's nothing like that in comedy other than Chris D'Elia. | ||
| Yeah, he's close. | ||
| He's close. | ||
| But even that, look at this Guatemala. | ||
| Most violent eruption in more than 100 years. | ||
| 25 people already dead. | ||
| I think it just happened yesterday. | ||
| It's fucking crazy, man. | ||
| Dozens of people have died after erupted, yeah, Sunday. | ||
| The earth is getting back at us. | ||
| Dude, that's two, right? | ||
| Hawaii and this one. | ||
| I mean, we gotta be real fucking careful. | ||
| I'm surprised New Zealand hasn't had a couple of eruptions. | ||
| Oh, do they have like a live volcano in New Zealand? | ||
| I just know they, I think, can you fact check this, but I think New Zealand has the most volcanoes in the world. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Well, I was just there. | ||
| God, how pretty is that? | ||
| You go on one of those tours and they're like, you know. | ||
| What'd you do over there? | ||
| Well, I went to the Cook Islands. | ||
| Ooh, Captain Cook Islands? | ||
| Yeah, the Cook Islands, man. | ||
| Where the pirates showed up? | ||
| Beautiful vacation. | ||
| And there's no Americans, which is what I love. | ||
| You know, I can't stand going someplace and it's just all American. | ||
| Like, I don't go to Ensenada, you know. | ||
| You might as well go to Venice Beach, you know. | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| I don't want to be around the same time. | ||
| That's how Maui is. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| I don't like going to Hawaii either. | ||
| Maui is basically Beverly Hills. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Beverly Hills got in a jet. | ||
| With water. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Volcano map of New Zealand. | ||
| Jesus Christ! | ||
| Yeah, see? | ||
| Oh, it's fucking volcanoes! | ||
| 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18 volcanoes. | ||
| Is that right? | ||
| You can't lie on this show, because this guy's going to fact check you right away. | ||
|
unidentified
|
God! | |
| That is insane! | ||
| But I'm telling you right now, beautiful vacation. | ||
| Oh, I bet. | ||
| I didn't like, actually, like, New Zealand, like, I went to Auckland. | ||
| I thought I'm driving around downtown LA. Or, like, Seattle or something. | ||
| I didn't like the city. | ||
| I'm not a city guy. | ||
| I like this kind of shit. | ||
| I like outdoors, nature, beaches. | ||
| Yeah, well, the nature there is stunning. | ||
| I want to look out my hotel window, the sliding door, and there's sand. | ||
| And then the water's right there. | ||
| Or mountains. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| Rainforest. | ||
| Something that's different from this urban jungle that we live in all the time. | ||
| You ever been to Costa Rica? | ||
| I have been to Costa Rica. | ||
| Oh, God. | ||
| Just went to Costa Rica with my girlfriend. | ||
| We just started to get together, and it was good and bad. | ||
| Just started to get together, and you took it to Costa Rica. | ||
| Well, I mean, it was. | ||
| It was too soon. | ||
| How long were you guys dating? | ||
| It was too soon, I thought. | ||
| Maybe it would be like four or five months, you know? | ||
| But it was like Christmas time, and I'm with her. | ||
| I'm like, let me make this special. | ||
| So we go to Costa Rica. | ||
| You know, I do it up. | ||
| And she went Christmas with you, not the family. | ||
| Yeah, well, she's Jewish, so... | ||
| Oh, there you go. | ||
|
unidentified
|
There you go. | |
| You know, they're all monsters. | ||
| How dare you? | ||
| You've got to be careful with that kind of talk in this day and age. | ||
| There it is. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| Career is over. | ||
| No, I'm just teasing. | ||
| My girlfriend's Jewish. | ||
| She has a beautiful family. | ||
| So she was like, I don't care about Christmas anyway, so let's go. | ||
| But I don't go see my mom, who moved to... | ||
| My parents just moved to Malaga. | ||
| Where's that? | ||
| In Spain. | ||
| Oh, jeez. | ||
| They moved to the southern tip of Spain. | ||
| They went on a cruise one day, stopped in Malaga, and then my mom's like, we gotta come back here. | ||
| Cost of living is so low. | ||
| They're living like kings over there. | ||
| A great two-bedroom condo with a Malibu-type view. | ||
| 600 euro a month. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Yeah, dude. | ||
| I'm telling you right now, you gotta look up the cost of living in Spain. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| A lot of people from Britain, they retire in Spain because their money goes a lot further. | ||
| Oh, I've heard that. | ||
| I've heard that people go there to avoid taxes from France. | ||
| Yeah, it's a lot of stuff, man. | ||
| So we go to Costa Rica, and it was fine. | ||
| It was great. | ||
| It was one of these resorts where you could get room service 24 hours, order what you want. | ||
| It's all covered in the thing. | ||
| But I got sick, Joe. | ||
| Oh no. | ||
| Diarrhea sick or what kind of sick? | ||
| It was every hole in my body, something was coming out of it. | ||
| Tropical. | ||
| I was in bed, I was telling her, I said, I don't feel good. | ||
| And as a comic, I made a joke at her that she didn't appreciate. | ||
| She was mad at me about this joke. | ||
| And I'm also telling her, like, look, I'm feeling well. | ||
| And then it happened. | ||
| I get up and I vomit. | ||
| And then there was nothing. | ||
| I vomited my hands. | ||
| I run to the bathroom. | ||
| And then it's just like, it's coming out of both holes. | ||
| And this is going on for all night. | ||
| I'm dead. | ||
| And the way she was acting, oh my god. | ||
| How was she acting? | ||
| She was like, you're ruining the trail. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| So at the time, I was like, ooh. | ||
| But we weren't as close as we are now. | ||
| We've since resolved the issue. | ||
| But at the time, I was like, I can't be with somebody that's not going to live. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right? | |
| She ordered room service while I was sick, bro! | ||
| Wow. | ||
| She was already writing it off. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| She's like, well, I'm going to go ahead and get it. | ||
| I'm going to have a fucking cheeseburger. | ||
| Then that was making me more sick. | ||
| The food smell. | ||
| So I'm outside. | ||
| But then she was like, I was mad at you for your jokes. | ||
| I always tell her, she goes, she said to me one day, you know, my brothers, they used to tease me all the time when I was growing up. | ||
| And I said, then why'd you get with a comic? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Something's going on. | ||
| You know how we say we get with our mother... | ||
| Whatever the qualities are. | ||
| So I think whatever you're close to in your life. | ||
| So she's accustomed to people giving her a hard time. | ||
| Giving her a hard time. | ||
| Even though she didn't like it, she went with you. | ||
| So we're trying to balance it out. | ||
| This has got to be compromised. | ||
| You've got to meet. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| If she's here and you're here, you've got to go like this. | ||
| The worst thing ever is when you just start dating someone and you go on a vacation with them and it goes sour. | ||
| And you're stuck with them for like five days in some spot. | ||
| And it usually happens, by the way, on the plane ride over. | ||
| There's something that happens on the plane where you're like, oh, I don't like you. | ||
| And we're going to be on this plane for six more hours. | ||
| And then you know you're going to get to this hotel. | ||
| I mean, that's why you have to be compatible with somebody before you travel. | ||
| Make sure. | ||
| Be compatible. | ||
| Oh yeah, you have to make sure. | ||
| Even things like, I want to go out and do things. | ||
| Maybe if you're an outdoorsy person and you want to leave the hotel. | ||
| Or maybe you're not. | ||
| Maybe you're a person that wants to take advantage of everything in the hotel. | ||
| Or you're on vacation and you want to chill. | ||
| That has to be established. | ||
| Or you're going to be in a situation where you're like, what are we still doing in the hotel? | ||
| Or the other person's like, I don't want to go. | ||
| Why are we going out? | ||
| I like margaritas on the beach. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I just want to drink margaritas and then fall asleep. | |
| And here are the waves. | ||
| We survived, though. | ||
| We survived it. | ||
| She made you change your phone, though. | ||
| It's kind of fucked up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know. | |
| That was the compromise. | ||
| As soon as it's over, bro. | ||
| As soon as it's over, you're going right back to Sam. | ||
| Aren't you? | ||
| I'm going to be the Andrew. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't know if it's going to be over. | ||
| We're coming up on a year. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ooh, shit. | |
| Yeah, we're coming up on a year. | ||
| But I hear people. | ||
| You know what it is? | ||
| It's people like you. | ||
| It's your fucking fault. | ||
| It can work. | ||
| You're on stage talking about your great family and how you deal with it. | ||
| Yeah, you think about these things, man. | ||
| How old are you now? | ||
| I'm 46. So you're thinking about shooting live ones in there? | ||
| I'm thinking about like, you know what, maybe it's time. | ||
| You know what it is? | ||
| Super successful, but I've enjoyed my career. | ||
| And now I'm like, oh, I enjoy this. | ||
| I want to share this with someone that really cares about me. | ||
| And one thing I'll say for her, I feel the love. | ||
| That's awesome. | ||
| Yeah, I really do feel the love. | ||
| She's a very loving woman, very beautiful. | ||
| And so she got used to you after a while and understands your jokiness. | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| And appreciates you. | ||
| Knows you're a good guy. | ||
| I'll tell you something that she did. | ||
| This is why we've been talking about her right now. | ||
| Something that she moved me, Joe. | ||
| The other day, we were having like a little fight. | ||
| A little fight? | ||
| A little fight. | ||
| And then it was obviously I was like, we're not communicating, I told her. | ||
| You know what she did? | ||
| She downloaded Communicating With Your Man audiobook. | ||
| And we sat and listened to it together. | ||
| And it was like... | ||
| That's why I quit. | ||
| I'm out. | ||
| But check this. | ||
| I changed my phone number and threw my phone in the ocean. | ||
| It was like the guy that wrote the book was talking about her. | ||
| That was the best part about it. | ||
| It would be something like, you know what you shouldn't do with your man is don't have a look on your face of disgust when you're mad. | ||
| It was like all these things. | ||
| And then there was one moment where I'm going like this. | ||
| I have my hands in the air. | ||
| And it was like, it's your man's body language. | ||
|
unidentified
|
If he has his hands in the air. | |
| That's your time to back off. | ||
| And I was like, did you date this guy? | ||
| Because he's talking about you right now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know what I mean? | |
| But I thought the gesture of being like, hey, I need to improve. | ||
| I need to, like... | ||
| Change how I feel or like, you know, let me look at self-reflect. | ||
| That act of that self-reflection with her, that was, that speak volumes for her and her character. | ||
| And it really made me go, okay, you really want to, you want to make this work. | ||
| That's awesome. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So I said, okay, I want to make it work. | ||
| How old is she? | ||
| 29. Oh, okay. | ||
| Yeah, so she's at that age. | ||
| I should not have said that. | ||
| No, it's a good age. | ||
| I'm going to get in so much trouble. | ||
| Why? | ||
| You're not supposed to tell ages? | ||
| I'm not supposed to tell her. | ||
| She won't... | ||
| Well, the cat's out the bag now, so fuck it, right? | ||
| You didn't say her name. | ||
| You can just go to my Instagram and you're going to say... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, shit. | |
| Oh, my God. | ||
| I'm so sorry. | ||
| I'm in trouble. | ||
| It's a good age. | ||
| She's a young lady. | ||
| What's the problem? | ||
| I know, but that's part of the problem. | ||
| No, because she doesn't want people to know. | ||
| She wants people to think she's 23. So I said, hey, that makes me look like a creeper. | ||
| Even this age difference is a little iffy, right? | ||
| It's weird how we just make rules as to how old someone can be to be with someone else, but it changes after a while, right? | ||
| Like once you get, like if the dude is like 90 and the woman's 50, we don't give a fuck. | ||
| We don't give a fuck. | ||
| Whatever. | ||
| No, no. | ||
| I would say to me, it's like, it's gotta be 30. Like, you know, like she's at the cusp of it. | ||
| I think once a woman gets to like 28, 29, 30 in that age range, then this, the other part, it doesn't matter. | ||
| Depending on what they got going on in their life. | ||
| But age, it's not about the age. | ||
| It's about experience level. | ||
| It's about where are you in your life? | ||
| So the one thing I struggle with is that, like, look, I'm knee deep in my career. | ||
| But I remember when I was 30, I wasn't doing this. | ||
| I was... | ||
| I just started. | ||
| You were hustling. | ||
| I was hustling. | ||
| So I go, I have to remember that, that this is her hustle years. | ||
| So you started doing stand-up at 30? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| That's a late start, right? | ||
| I started, I went to a comedy class when I was in my early 20s, because my mom's one of the supportive women. | ||
| I said, hey mom, I think I want to be a comedian. | ||
| Next day... | ||
| I'm signed up at UCLA Extension with a notebook. | ||
| She's like, here's a notebook. | ||
| Yeah, that's all my mom. | ||
| If I said I wanted to be a rock climber, my mom was like, okay, she would have bought ropes and hooked me up with the... | ||
| Because she wanted me out of the fucking house. | ||
| She wanted me when I was young. | ||
| So I went to the class, taught by Sandy Shore. | ||
| Oh, Jesus. | ||
| I thought this was going to be it. | ||
| Her mom owns the Comedy Store. | ||
| I'm going to make it. | ||
| How bad was the advice? | ||
| Look at you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| This motherfucker right here, boy. | ||
| Joe Rogan trying to start shit! | ||
| Excuse me, how good was the advice? | ||
| It wasn't good. | ||
| Come on. | ||
| I misspoke. | ||
| Can I tell you this? | ||
| I suggest to anyone, if you want to be a comic, go to one comedy class. | ||
| Just for the comfort of the environment and the support. | ||
| Go to one comedy class, but after that you've got to get out there to the open mics and you've got to do it on your own. | ||
| But I suggest one comedy class. | ||
| There's nothing wrong with the comedy class. | ||
| So I went and I loved that. | ||
| And then, by the way, the showcase for the graduation was at the Comedy Store in the OR. So the first time I ever did stand-up comedy was in the OR at the Comedy Store. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Damn. | |
| What year was this? | ||
| It was like 90-something, man. | ||
| It was like 92, 93. And you know what I remember specifically? | ||
| It was like after our show, they just rolled into the OR show. | ||
| First guy on stage, Carlos Mencia. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| And he goes on. | ||
| And at the time, he was like, you know... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Taco Bell! | |
| And you know... | ||
| Just at that time, he was like... | ||
| Just that phrase! | ||
| At the time, he was like, Taco Bell! | ||
| That is fucking hilarious. | ||
| And I remember watching him, and at the time, at the time, I remember watching him thinking, I think I can do this. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Because I had a great set. | ||
| I had a great first set. | ||
| You know how that goes. | ||
| It's supportive people in the crowd, and I have my funny, hacky jokes that I was doing at the time, just what I thought was new. | ||
| I remember one of my jokes was like, I was like, how come you can't recognize Superman? | ||
| And then I would take my glasses off, you know? | ||
| I'll be like, look, I'm Clark Kent. | ||
| Take him off. | ||
| Superman! | ||
| You know, that was like, I thought that was hilarious at the time. | ||
| No black people on Jeopardy. | ||
| That was another one of my jokes. | ||
| That's a good one. | ||
| Yeah, so I had black categories on Jeopardy. | ||
| Blind singers, barbecue holidays. | ||
| I was killing back then with that shit, man. | ||
| Isn't it brutal, though, when you go to a real show with that shit and it's crickets? | ||
| But on an open mic night, it's weird, right? | ||
| There's open mic night material where it does okay on open mic nights. | ||
| And you're like, this is some good material, I just gotta develop it. | ||
| I don't even think it's even open mic. | ||
| I think even worse is doing it in front of a crowd. | ||
| You know, this is what happens to get, we're getting sidetracked, but I love it. | ||
| You know when you go into Middle America, when you first were coming up and you were still a major headliner, and then like the local guy will be there. | ||
| That local guy is now gonna be on Joe Rogan's show in Iowa, and he's gonna be performing in front of two or three hundred people. | ||
| That type of hacking material is gonna kill with those people. | ||
| Then that person now thinks that this is how you do it, and they bring that to LA and New York. | ||
| And then they're like, how come this isn't working? | ||
| And then they're seeing like a thousand other comics talking about the same subjects, and then they don't realize how they have to find some originality in what they're doing. | ||
| And that's the hard part. | ||
| That's the hard part. | ||
| There's not a lot of subjects to talk about. | ||
| You're not the first comic to get married and have daughters. | ||
| But this experience that you had is personal to you. | ||
| And conveying that is the hard part. | ||
| And so people kind of go just surface with their material. | ||
| It's hard to delve deeper. | ||
| It's hard to have the confidence to drag a subject out, too. | ||
| When you first start out, your premises are so short. | ||
| And then you go from one short premise to another short premise. | ||
| Then it becomes a bit. | ||
| And the bit becomes a set. | ||
| And then now you're talking about... | ||
| I often tell comics that it's like music. | ||
| If you heard a Neptunes beat, you could hear it from a mile away. | ||
| You can know when you hear it, you go, oh, I bet you the Neptunes produced that track. | ||
| Or a premiere, you know, the DJ premiere. | ||
| Right. | ||
| He would produce a beat and you'd be like, oh, that's a premiere beat. | ||
| Your comedy is the same way. | ||
| When you're working on things, you work on it in your way that if you looked at all your material, you might now see the common thread and that's how you put together an act. | ||
| Right. | ||
| 30 minutes, 40 minutes. | ||
| That's how you're able to talk about a subject for so long because we've now woven together these thoughts that we don't think are connected, but when we look at them, we go, oh, I'm actually... | ||
| This subject actually flows into this, and it connects very nicely. | ||
| So that's what was going on. | ||
| So I'm watching, again, I'm watching Mencia at the time. | ||
| I'm just a young kid. | ||
| I don't know what to do next. | ||
| I just had a great set, I thought. | ||
| And now I'm looking at these professionals, and I saw Mencia. | ||
| And at that particular time, I was like, I saw him, and when he talked about Taco Bell and stuff, I thought, you know, I think I could do this, you know? | ||
| And then he brought up Chris Tucker. | ||
| And Chris Tucker went on stage and I thought to myself, I don't think I could do this. | ||
| Just the way he was so, like, with his voice, man! | ||
| Chris Tucker was on fire back then. | ||
| Yeah, just his whole persona, and I didn't know what to do. | ||
| So I floundered around, I did open mics. | ||
| So you got nervous when you saw Chris Tucker? | ||
| Yes, I did. | ||
| Because he was so powerful. | ||
| It was just so, it was something special about what he was doing. | ||
| And I just thought, I don't know if, I don't, I just was, I didn't have it at that time, man. | ||
| I was so just nervous and scared and arrogant too, because I was a funny guy. | ||
| So then I would go to open mics and then the same people doing the same shit over and over and over again. | ||
| Then I wouldn't go to another open mic for another four weeks. | ||
| Then I see the same people and I thought, well, how do you get from here? | ||
| How do you get on the, you know, I didn't know. | ||
| There was no mentors. | ||
| There was no people going like, let me help you with this. | ||
| You know, you couldn't even talk to someone, like, of your stature at all. | ||
| Like, you know, at the time, you couldn't just be some open-miker. | ||
| And, by the way, they shouldn't do that. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Like, you know, at the Comedy Store and some dude comes up to you, you're just kind of like, what do you want to talk to me about right now, dude? | ||
| Like, you just started. | ||
| I always approach, I think, especially when they work there as door guys, I feel like everybody's just a comic. | ||
| That's different. | ||
| That's different. | ||
| But even still, I don't know if it's so appropriate for a door guy to come up to you and be like, yo, can I open for you at Irvine? | ||
| Dude, some guy just did that the other day. | ||
| Bitch, I don't know you. | ||
| I don't know you at all. | ||
| I have friends. | ||
| By the way, I used to do that. | ||
| Did you? | ||
| Yeah, I used to do that. | ||
| You know Johnny Sanchez? | ||
| Sure. | ||
| First was coming up, I went to Johnny. | ||
| I was like, Johnny, let me open for you. | ||
| I'm a juggernaut. | ||
| Is that what you said? | ||
| I told him I was a juggernaut. | ||
| I said, I'm trying to bury these headliners, man. | ||
| That's what I was trying to... | ||
| That's what you told him? | ||
| Yeah, that's what you thought you were supposed to do. | ||
| Did he check his watch? | ||
| Oh, look at the time. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's teased me ever since. | ||
| 15 years later, he's still teasing me about it. | ||
| So I didn't know what I was doing. | ||
| I didn't know how to... | ||
| What are you supposed to do, man? | ||
| There's no clear path. | ||
| It's not like being a doctor. | ||
| There's no right or wrong way, either. | ||
| I didn't know. | ||
| That's true, too. | ||
| I grew up in L.A. I was born and raised in L.A. So I'm in L.A. trying to get on a stage where I go to the laugh. | ||
| I was telling you earlier, I saw you at the Laugh Factory with hair, you know, and just like, man, you were on stage. | ||
| Like, I'm not, like, you were just giving it. | ||
| There's a certain energy you had about what you were talking about that I was like, damn, what happened to this guy? | ||
| Like, I remember the first thought, I was like, man, some woman hurt him. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| Or something. | ||
| Something happened. | ||
| And I thought, I don't know if I've tapped into that yet, I thought at the time. | ||
| I don't know if I've tapped into that. | ||
| So it took a long time for me to realize, oh no, this is what I want to do. | ||
| But everybody's different. | ||
| Some people go up there and they're excited and angry about shit. | ||
| And some people go up there and they're mellow. | ||
| And that's the funny part. | ||
| They're chilled out, slow punchlines, you know? | ||
| But even if you... | ||
| Like Segura, perfect example. | ||
| Just could tell a story and have you captivated. | ||
| Yeah, there's no anger. | ||
| There's no screaming emotions. | ||
| Segura's just chilled out. | ||
| But don't you find yourself, have you ever gone up in a bit, because you have a way of performing, like, you know, you have a, you know, it's Joe mode, you know, you're on there, it's going to be powerful, and you're like really, and then have you ever just gone on and kind of like not done it that way, but then now you get laughs at a completely different point in your set? | ||
| With new material, for sure. | ||
| Yeah, because you're trying to find the... | ||
| Yeah, you're trying to find the beats. | ||
| I set material up to fail sometimes. | ||
| I'll go into a bit slower, and I'll go into a bit more casual and try to ramp it up rather than try to make it... | ||
| Sometimes when you get a new bit, especially when you first start out, you're like, this bit is shaky. | ||
| Let me just get it out of the gate with a lot of momentum so that I can kind of coast with it. | ||
| But sometimes I'll say, alright, well this bit might be all just bullshit. | ||
| Or what Tom calls, Tom Segura calls them dance moves. | ||
| I used to call it English. | ||
| English on the cue ball. | ||
| Because sometimes you're just, you're hamming it up. | ||
| But the substance isn't there. | ||
| I know exactly what you're saying. | ||
| You're doing that thing that you do that no makes people laugh. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| It's really difficult. | ||
| Jazzing it up. | ||
| It's really difficult for me because I'm just a funny looking guy. | ||
| You know? | ||
| I mean, I accept it. | ||
| I'm not a looker. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| I'm cute. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| You're a handsome fella. | ||
| I like your mustache. | ||
| I'm a handsome guy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The mustache works with you. | ||
| I know my qualities, right? | ||
| But I know that I could do a thing that they're thinking, are they laughing at what I'm talking about? | ||
| Like, are they with me emotionally? | ||
| Are they with me intellectually? | ||
| Or are they just going like, ah, this guy's funny. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And it's hard to recognize that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hmm. | |
| Yeah, right? | ||
| Like, what do you want from them? | ||
| Do you want to connect with them? | ||
| Do you want them to laugh? | ||
| Do you want both? | ||
| Do you want them to appreciate you? | ||
| You just want them to have a good time? | ||
| Or do you even want them to laugh at how you are connected to what you're talking about? | ||
| Because that's different, too. | ||
| Like, if you're a political comic, people might laugh at how passionate you are about being a libertarian, or how passionate you are about being an atheist. | ||
| Maybe they don't agree with you, or maybe they do agree with you, but they're laughing at how you are connected to what you're saying. | ||
| And I think that that's another element. | ||
| That's a whole other thing. | ||
| I look at all my friends. | ||
| We have a lot of peers, our friends that we just go, they all have something different in that way. | ||
| It's an amazing thing to watch. | ||
| It's a crazy art form because nobody could tell you how to do it. | ||
| It's not like any other art form. | ||
| Yeah, it really... | ||
| You know, like, if you went into music, or I went into music, like, you could be in a rock band, or you could be in a blues band, or you could do, like, country music, and everybody would be clearly defined. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But you just do stand-up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's just stand-up. | ||
| I mean, there's no categories. | ||
| You know what's funny about that, though, is I know that there's no categories, but I do think that it is similar to music in that we're not going to change the rules of communication. | ||
| And I think that's where people get in the way. | ||
| So when you're on a piano, you're not going to make new chords. | ||
| It's still going to be A, B, C, D, G. You know what I mean? | ||
| And certain chords, when they go together, are not going to sound good. | ||
| No matter what, you're not going to reinvent the wheel. | ||
| So I think the baseline of comedy is just being able to communicate your points. | ||
| And I think when you're a person that can communicate your points and they're solid and clear, then the jokes on top of that are what the entertainment is going to be. | ||
| But you know, you still got to like, you know when somebody says they're telling a story and nobody says anything and then they go, well, you know, you had to be there. | ||
| Well, that's a horrible storyteller. | ||
| That's what that is. | ||
| You'll never hear Joey Diaz say that. | ||
| Never! | ||
| You had to be there, cocksucker! | ||
| That would be like, well, I don't know if I want to be there, bro. | ||
| Yeah, how to be there means you failed in communicating. | ||
| So I think that on that level, even though all comics are different, but that level of like, so when you say set up, that is important. | ||
| It's universal to all of us. | ||
| You have to set this up. | ||
| Yeah, but I mean, that's just the case with all songs and everything too, but there's styles, you know, like there's certain styles of comedy. | ||
| I guess there's styles of comedy, but they vary so much. | ||
| There's no distinct style. | ||
| Like if you heard, like, put an example, Hank Williams Jr., like, well, that's clearly country. | ||
| And you just hear it, you know, right away. | ||
| You hear... | ||
| Yeah, there's something twangy about it. | ||
| It's like, that's country. | ||
| There's something about the story. | ||
| I love country with a good story, you know? | ||
| Driving down the highway, you know, whatever. | ||
| All you have to do is hear a couple of words. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| I know what the fuck this is. | ||
| Yeah, this guy's hurt. | ||
| He doesn't even have to have music behind it. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| He's sad. | ||
| You were comedy at the time. | ||
| It was the country music of comedy. | ||
| I think you're misrepresenting us. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It was a story. | |
| You felt the anguish. | ||
| I don't think that's what I was doing at the time. | ||
| Are you trying to look back and think... | ||
| Isn't it weird, though? | ||
| But you had hair. | ||
| It was a whole different guy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, you weren't this... | ||
| You're a solid muscle now. | ||
| Like, I don't know if you have... | ||
| What's your body fat count right now? | ||
| I don't get it checked. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| That's probably better. | ||
| It's probably better to think that it's better than it probably is. | ||
| I think if you went, you might be disappointed. | ||
| The last time I checked, it was 10%. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| It's not very low. | ||
| I'm probably like 30%, 35% body fat. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I gotta do something. | ||
| It's not good. | ||
| That's not good. | ||
| But you know what it is? | ||
| My blood pressure's good. | ||
| That's good. | ||
| Yeah, because I... You told me you were boxing now? | ||
| I'm trying to box, man. | ||
| Start working out. | ||
| I'm going to the boxing thing, and it's like... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Where are you doing? | |
| I go to Gloveworks. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Where's that? | |
| Gloveworks in Century City. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| Getting your bugs on. | ||
| Hitting pads? | ||
| The guy's holding the thing, and there's something that tricks you with that, though. | ||
| Yeah, because they hit back. | ||
| Yeah, hitting back. | ||
| After I've done it a few times, I'm walking around in public like, I wish somebody would test me. | ||
| Like, they're going to hold up their hands and fight me like this. | ||
| But, you know what's something about going to boxing? | ||
| It's changed my perception of women. | ||
| Women in the boxing thing, like, they really... | ||
| That shit is... | ||
| When you see a, you know, I'm working out with five people. | ||
| And then the woman goes in. | ||
| And the guy's like, come on! | ||
| And she's like, I'm just like, God damn, this is, This is, she's great! | ||
| I'm like, you can handle yourself. | ||
| All my preconceived notions of like, and it's something stupid, a stupid male thing is to see a woman fighting and then the first thought is, oh yeah, somebody hurt her. | ||
| You know. | ||
| You got a lot of that in you. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| You're doing that with me. | ||
| I know. | ||
| I have this thing. | ||
| People are hurt. | ||
| Everybody's getting hurt. | ||
| Everybody's hurt. | ||
| Oh, God. | ||
| This is like therapy. | ||
| It's coming out. | ||
| Maybe I was hurt. | ||
| Maybe you need a cassette. | ||
| Maybe I need a cassette. | ||
| Do you need one of them self-assets? | ||
| I do. | ||
| I do. | ||
| I'm working on it. | ||
| Cassettes. | ||
| Man, I just dated myself. | ||
| You're old as fuck. | ||
| Old as fuck. | ||
| There's kids out there going, like, what is that cassette? | ||
| What's that cassette? | ||
| They don't even know what a CD is. | ||
| They don't even know what a CD is. | ||
| How about a Laserdisc, you little fuck? | ||
| What? | ||
| What is this? | ||
| But the boxing's been cool. | ||
| It's a fun workout. | ||
| Angry women are weird, though. | ||
| It is weird. | ||
| Somebody sent me a picture of this MMA chick. | ||
| There's this woman who's down. | ||
| I don't know who the lady is. | ||
| I'm not familiar with her. | ||
| She doesn't fight in the UFC. But she's got blood on her. | ||
| And she's going like this. | ||
| And she's standing up over this chick. | ||
| She's like this. | ||
| And I'm like, damn, that is an angry woman. | ||
| Listen, I... I can't do those kind of... | ||
| I don't like male UFC. It's just too violent for me. | ||
| Have you ever been live? | ||
| No. | ||
| Do you want to go? | ||
| I would go. | ||
| I was watching the other day because I heard your voice. | ||
| Just one in LA in August. | ||
| I'll go. | ||
| I want to go. | ||
| I'll get you good seats. | ||
| It just seems so like... | ||
| It is that. | ||
| By the way... | ||
| I find it, like, I don't like watching women hit each other, you know? | ||
| I just don't like it. | ||
| I don't know, maybe that's my male thing, you know? | ||
| But I think that, like, how can we be in a society where we're talking about no violence against women unless it's pay-per-view? | ||
| Well, no. | ||
| No violence against women by men is what they mean. | ||
| And this isn't violence against women, it's a competition. | ||
| Do you think that that woman that beat up Ronda Rousey Amanda Nunes. | ||
| Do you think that I fight better than her? | ||
| No, she'll fuck you up. | ||
| She will fuck me up. | ||
| But that's Amanda Nunes. | ||
| Okay, but if I hit Ronda Rousey in the face, her and I go out on a date, something happens, we have a scuffle, and it gets on video that I punch Ronda Rousey in the face, I'm now a pariah in society for the rest of my life. | ||
| But this woman who trains and is like a beast... | ||
| We'll beat her up. | ||
| I just, I can't get the disconnect. | ||
| I can't. | ||
| There's not a disconnect. | ||
| It's competition. | ||
| It's a sport. | ||
| So? | ||
| I don't understand where you're missing the connection. | ||
| There's such a big difference between Eric Griffin. | ||
| First of all, Ron ain't going on a fucking date with you, let's be honest. | ||
| Hey, you don't know that. | ||
| First of all, how dare you? | ||
| Travis Brown, he's a fucking killer. | ||
| Okay, well maybe they had a tough patch. | ||
| He's a heavyweight UFC fighter. | ||
| Okay, so they have a tough patch that week and she's going out to get some... | ||
| She's like, I'm done. | ||
| I need some strange. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm done with you. | |
| I need some strange. | ||
| She went to the comedy store. | ||
|
unidentified
|
She wants to laugh. | |
| I'm tired of being with a killer. | ||
| You know, she wants somebody cuddly. | ||
| Soft. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Squishy. | |
| She wants somebody soft and squishy and then we go out on a date. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You don't know. | |
| And you wind up punching her. | ||
| How the fuck does that ever happen? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Have you ever punched anybody in your life? | ||
| A girl? | ||
| No, no. | ||
| Well, when I was in the sixth grade, I think I had a fight with a girl one time. | ||
| And that's the first time I learned you're not supposed to hit a girl. | ||
| Oh, sixth grade. | ||
| Because she was a bully. | ||
| Right. | ||
| She was a bully and she was pushing people and acting. | ||
| And she did something to me and I punched her. | ||
| And then no matter what she did, the whole yard went... | ||
| You know, like, you don't hit a girl? | ||
| And I was like, oh, but remember everybody hated her like a second ago? | ||
| Then all of a sudden? | ||
| So I knew at that point, I was like, oh, you can't do that. | ||
| I knew there was some kind of difference. | ||
| I learned it then. | ||
| Yeah, that's a good way to learn it, before it gets ugly. | ||
| Before it gets ugly, yeah. | ||
| Because I was still a little kid. | ||
| Yeah, it was probably younger than that, too, actually. | ||
| Break anybody's jaw. | ||
| Right, right, right, right, right, right. | ||
| And you know what pissed me off too? | ||
| I'll never forget this. | ||
| It's so vivid in my head that she immediately went from bully, strong, like, I run this courtyard to he hit me! | ||
| And I was like, I was like, what just happened? | ||
| You ever want to look her up? | ||
| Yeah, I know. | ||
| Just what the fuck she's done to her disaster of her life? | ||
| It was Condoleezza Rice, actually. | ||
| No kidding. | ||
| What if it was somebody like that? | ||
| That would be crazy. | ||
| She's angry at you for punching her all this time. | ||
| Starting war in Syria and shit. | ||
| But I'm saying it could happen. | ||
| I'm with Rhonda. | ||
| So let's go back to the difference between you punching Rhonda's. | ||
| That would be the last punch you ever threw. | ||
| She'd flip you on your head on the concrete, smash your head open, stomp you into a mud puddle. | ||
| And then... | ||
| If people caught all this on video, all they would say is, Eric Griffin hits a woman. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Or he had it coming. | ||
| Yeah, right, right, right. | ||
| Good for her. | ||
| Domestic abuser, fuck with the wrong strong woman. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't like it. | ||
| But the difference between that and Rhonda's a professional mixed martial arts champion. | ||
| She's a champion and one of the greatest female champions of all time. | ||
| I didn't like seeing her face look like that. | ||
| She shouldn't have fought that woman. | ||
| I didn't like seeing it. | ||
| What I'm saying, though, is I didn't feel any of that. | ||
| I didn't feel any of, like, oh, it's the competition and she trains. | ||
| No. | ||
| What I saw is a bruised and battered woman. | ||
| That's what I saw. | ||
| And that's probably my problem. | ||
| Okay, so you must be talking about the Holly Holm fight, because that's when she was bruised and battered. | ||
| That's when she got head kicked, and she was bloody, and her face was a mess. | ||
| The Amanda Nunes fights were just 48 seconds of... | ||
| Knuckles in the face. | ||
| That was a quick fight. | ||
| She just got the fuck beat out of her in that fight. | ||
| But both of those fights... | ||
| But there's lessons in that. | ||
| See, you can fight in MMA. And there's danger and there's consequences. | ||
| But if you're in shape and you're prepared correctly, you can fight. | ||
| But there's a lot of women that weren't prepared correctly and Ron have fucked them up. | ||
| That's just how it goes. | ||
| Sometimes you're the namer. | ||
| Sometimes you're the hammer. | ||
| Sometimes you're the nail. | ||
| I think we also... | ||
| Pumped her up. | ||
| It was a money marketing... | ||
| It was great marketing, too. | ||
| She only had fought ten times. | ||
| I mean, I pumped her up. | ||
| Everybody pumped her up. | ||
| But it was me doing a lot of the... | ||
| But it was based on what she'd been able to accomplish. | ||
| It wasn't based on bullshit. | ||
| It was based on her actual performance inside the Octagon against people like Kat Zingano, against people like Sarah McMahon. | ||
| What she had done was supremely impressive. | ||
| But... | ||
| We love a champion. | ||
| We love undefeated. | ||
| We love being the best ever. | ||
| We get behind that. | ||
| And that's what was behind her going into that fight. | ||
| And it didn't look like that. | ||
| Well, that shouldn't have been behind her going into that fight. | ||
| Maybe the Holly Holm fight? | ||
| The Holly Holm fight. | ||
| But even the Holly Holm fight, she was under massive amounts of distractions. | ||
| They were going to do Roadhouse, remember? | ||
| They were going to do a Roadhouse movie. | ||
| She's having meetings with agents. | ||
| And they just thought she could fuck up anybody on the planet. | ||
| That's what I'm saying. | ||
| The problem is... | ||
| Unless you're 100% all in with your training and your learning and your development, you're making sure that you've got the right training partners and the right coaching and the right staff and nutrition and all these different things. | ||
| If you have any part of that missing, then the people coming up who have all those bases covered, they're going to surpass you. | ||
| Because they're talented too, and that's what happened with her. | ||
| You're knee-deep in the world. | ||
| You know everything about it, okay? | ||
| As a layperson. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Just looking at them standing next to each other, I was like, oh, is she going to get her ass beat? | ||
| So you're looking at Ronda standing next to Holly Holm, you thought that Ronda was going to get her ass beat? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| When I saw it, I was like, how's this going to work? | ||
| Why did you think that? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Just the eye test. | ||
| She just looked bigger. | ||
| Holly's very physically impressive. | ||
| She looked bigger. | ||
| I thought she was physically bigger than this person. | ||
| Have you ever seen Sarah McMahon? | ||
| No. | ||
| Ronda stopped Sarah McMahon in one round. | ||
| Sarah McMahon was an Olympic silver medalist in wrestling, and she's a tank. | ||
| I wasn't into it like that. | ||
| Maybe if I'd seen that, I would have been like, well, this is going to be a good fight. | ||
| But that was my first time. | ||
| And just looking at it, I was like, this doesn't look like this is going to be a good fight. | ||
| That's just... | ||
| I just didn't think it was going to be a good fight. | ||
| And then you hear you guys talking. | ||
| You hear the guys going like, Holly Holm said she's a boxer and this and that. | ||
| And I'm like, oh, wow. | ||
| This isn't going to go well. | ||
| And then sure enough, it didn't go well. | ||
| So then that made me have the respect level for female... | ||
| You know, fighting if I'm just coming in. | ||
| At that time, it was like Ronda Rousey's everywhere. | ||
| She's in movies. | ||
| And then you're like, oh, wow, this is the greatest fighter ever I hear. | ||
| She's the attraction of a lifetime. | ||
| And then you go, okay, all right, I'm going to check it out. | ||
| Let me check out. | ||
| Wow, that girl looks big. | ||
| I don't think this is going to... | ||
| And then she gets demolished. | ||
| And you're like, well, is this a sport? | ||
| I think that was a big blow for female fighting. | ||
| What are you talking about? | ||
| That was one of the best things to ever happen to female fighting. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Okay, well we're different in that way. | ||
| I think she should have won would have been the best thing. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| It's good to know that anyone can lose. | ||
| Even the greats. | ||
| Even the greats. | ||
| I think we can't compare it to boxing too much is what it is. | ||
| Boxing has got to be undefeated. | ||
| Boxing, we love undefeated. | ||
| One blemish on your record and it does something. | ||
| Yeah, it doesn't work like that in MMA. Right, right, right. | ||
| Because in MMA, there's so many different ways to win. | ||
| The only one who's really undefeated at the top of the food chain is, well, two guys. | ||
| Khabib Nurmagomedov, who's the lightweight champion. | ||
| He's undefeated, period. | ||
| Mauled everybody. | ||
| Except Al Iaquinto went the distance with him, but still beat his ass. | ||
| Still beat him. | ||
| But Jon Jones is really undefeated. | ||
| Jon Jones has one loss in his career, but it's a disqualification. | ||
| Is he the guy that's been disqualified because he was on drugs or something? | ||
| Well, he got caught with some shit in his system that he shouldn't have had in his system. | ||
| And how did he get it in his system? | ||
| We don't know. | ||
| It was only in there for a very short amount of time. | ||
| There's a lot of speculation. | ||
| Until that gets ironed out, we don't know. | ||
| By the way, one of my good friends in the whole wide world is Eric Koch. | ||
| He's also a UFC MMA fighter. | ||
| You know Eric Koch from Two Crufuses, Jim? | ||
| Yeah, Eric. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He's a good buddy. | ||
| You know how I know him? | ||
| We play video games together. | ||
| Oh, no shit. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| He's a bad motherfucker. | ||
| He really is. | ||
| He's a crazy dude. | ||
| Now I know that if I'm in public and some shit is about to go down, I check people's ears. | ||
| Oh, that's a good move. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, but sometimes that doesn't work. | ||
| Oh, his ears look... | ||
| Some beasts out there that wear ear guards. | ||
| Yeah, but... | ||
| Be careful. | ||
| No, but Joe, I'm not going to fight anyway. | ||
| I know, but don't. | ||
| One more year of boxing, I might be like, you don't want to test me. | ||
| Once they start doing that pad thinking, they start thinking, yeah, man, listen to the noise I'm making. | ||
| No, can I tell you one quick? | ||
| The first time I ever boxed, I went with Craig Robinson. | ||
| You said Craig were boxing each other? | ||
| No, we weren't boxing each other, but Craig was starting to box, and he took me to this gym, and it was this old black dude. | ||
| He was like in his 60s, this old school black dude. | ||
| So I got into the ring with him. | ||
| He was like, all right, come on in the ring. | ||
| So I'm in there, and we're boxing. | ||
| Three minutes. | ||
| I have so much more respect for boxers after doing this. | ||
| So he's like, keep your hands up. | ||
| Keep your hands up! | ||
| And I'm like, alright. | ||
| And then he hit me in the head, Joe. | ||
| Because you didn't keep your hands up. | ||
| And I was like, after you hit me twice, something locks in, man. | ||
| You're angry. | ||
| Tasted your own blood. | ||
| It was like 30 seconds left in the fight, and he put his hands up, and he was like, finish the fight like you're on the street! | ||
| Finish the fight like you're on the street. | ||
| You should have kicked him in the nuts and bit his nose off. | ||
| I went like this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ah! | |
| I've been boxing again for a little while until recently. | ||
| So that was one time. | ||
| It was so hard. | ||
| It was like that three minutes, I was like, how can these people throw 50 punches? | ||
| Well, you've got to build up to it, Eric. | ||
| I'm going to, man. | ||
| I think I'm going to come here. | ||
| Come here. | ||
| I need to work out. | ||
| He laughs. | ||
| He's laughing like, you can't deal with a Joe Rogan workout. | ||
| How come you don't do a workout take? | ||
| I thought about doing one a while ago. | ||
| You should. | ||
| I do too many things publicly. | ||
| I'd rather just keep some things to just myself. | ||
| This is a man who has a family now, has reached a level of success that he is comfortable, and now you're starting to see, like, not everyone needs to know everything. | ||
| It's not just that. | ||
| There's value in doing things just for you. | ||
| Privacy. | ||
| No, no, no, no, no. | ||
| No, just working on stuff and doing things just for you. | ||
| Don't do things publicly. | ||
| I agree. | ||
| In this day and age, everybody does everything on social media, and I've done a bunch of things, put them on social media, but I think there's a benefit. | ||
| Why do you do the things you do? | ||
| I do the things I do for two reasons. | ||
| One, either I enjoy them or I think they make me better. | ||
| They make me a better person. | ||
| This is going to all be on your tape. | ||
| I do a lot of yoga. | ||
| Like I did yoga today. | ||
| And I do it a lot. | ||
| And one of the reasons why I do it, I think it makes me a better person. | ||
| I think it makes me more mellow, which I think is good. | ||
| I have a tendency to not be mellow. | ||
| It makes me more friendly. | ||
| I think it calms me down. | ||
| And I think it's very good for my body. | ||
| So I do it all the time. | ||
| But I'm not about to do some fucking yoga video. | ||
| I think I do stand-up for that reason. | ||
| Yoga calms you down? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah? | ||
| That's interesting. | ||
| Yeah, I do stand up to like... | ||
| It does. | ||
| It calms me down. | ||
| If something happens to me, I go directly to the stage. | ||
| That's a great way to work on it, though, and develop material. | ||
| Yeah, that's what happens. | ||
| Even if it's something that's silly. | ||
| If I see a movie that moves me, I might go on stage and be like, did y'all see this movie? | ||
| Where are you working out now? | ||
| I know you do the store, and I know you do the factory, but do you fuck around and go to the Ha Ha or the Ice House? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Flappers, all that shit. | ||
| Man, my start was, when I knew I wanted to do this, I was going to open mics, and then I went to Long Beach. | ||
| They had this place called the Queen Mary, and they had a Laugh is Hope. | ||
| This guy, Steve Kimbrough, had this really shitty club on the Queen Mary. | ||
| Dude, we did Fear Factor and the Queen Mary. | ||
| It was right down there, and I remember someone was doing a room there. | ||
| That's the room you're talking about. | ||
| So I did that, and then I started doing the Ice House, the Annex. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That's a good room. | ||
| And they had that three shows on Friday, three shows on Saturday. | ||
| So that started doing that. | ||
| From there, I went to the Ha Ha. | ||
| And then I was like hosting on the weekends, and then Terry from the Ha Ha, you know, Gladbusters solo. | ||
| By the way, what are you doing Wednesday night? | ||
| Wednesday night, I'm around. | ||
| You want to do the Ice House? | ||
| Yeah, let's do it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm there. | |
| Wednesday night, 10 p.m. | ||
| 10 p.m. | ||
| Ice House. | ||
| I'm with Joe Rogan. | ||
| Sold out. | ||
| Tony Hinchcliffe's on the show too. | ||
| Yeah, I love Tony. | ||
| So then I went to the Ice House. | ||
| Then I started going to Ha Ha. | ||
| And then I got a showcase at the Comedy Store. | ||
| And Mitzi didn't even look at me. | ||
| She didn't even look at me. | ||
| Didn't even talk to me. | ||
| What year? | ||
| This was the year Jay Davis got passed. | ||
| So I wanted to kill myself. | ||
| I showcased with Jay Davis. | ||
| That's not rude. | ||
| Jay knows. | ||
| I say this to his fucking face. | ||
| He knows. | ||
| So we're showcasing the same day. | ||
| And she passed him and then didn't even talk to me. | ||
| She didn't even watch you. | ||
| She watched me! | ||
| She didn't like it. | ||
| She didn't like it. | ||
| That's what I thought. | ||
| Which really pissed me off. | ||
| What year is this again? | ||
| Dude, this must have been 2003-ish. | ||
| So this is when Jay was on tourgasm with Dane Cook? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Dane was supposed to showcase that night, too. | ||
| But he refused to come because he was Dane Cook, and I get it. | ||
| So he refused to showcase. | ||
| Well, that's what I hear. | ||
| I shouldn't even say that. | ||
| I know Dane, and I should have asked him before I'm talking about this. | ||
| But you had to showcase, right? | ||
| Do you know Louis C.K. didn't get past this tour? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nope. | |
| I get it! | ||
| Mitzi's like, I don't like them. | ||
| She got her own thing. | ||
| So I get to showcase. | ||
| My then friend, Ahmed Ahmed, set up to showcase that night. | ||
| And I didn't get past. | ||
| So a year and a half later, I had to deal with Tommy. | ||
| And listen, as what people get on him, and I think Tommy's out there thinks I hate him, but I know there was a method to his madness. | ||
| And maybe if he didn't even know it, it worked for me. | ||
| Because he was my villain. | ||
| He was my enemy. | ||
| So I had to get past him. | ||
| He was the gatekeeper I had to get past. | ||
| So it took me a year and a half of doing belly room and just hanging around and people keep saying to him, hey, you should put Eric Griffin. | ||
| So then I got another showcase. | ||
| It was in the main room during one of those bringer shows. | ||
| They were doing the showcases during those. | ||
| And she was there. | ||
| They had her in her booth. | ||
| And I did my set. | ||
| I ran the fucking light, too. | ||
| I was like, fuck this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa! | |
| What year are we talking about? | ||
| This is like a year later, so it's like 2005, you know, 2005, 2006. It's around that time, 2004, 2005, 2006. I'm not sure when it was, you know? | ||
| And then as I'm leaving, they're bringing her through the main room, and they're helping her through the hallway to go to the kitchen. | ||
| And she stops, and she looks at me and says, you were funny. | ||
| And those are the only words she ever spoke to me. | ||
| That's all you needed. | ||
| That's all I needed. | ||
| And then Tommy comes over and he's like, well, she passed you. | ||
| You're in the belly room now. | ||
| She had a headbutted him right in the nose. | ||
| In his fucking mouth, right? | ||
| Shut the fuck up. | ||
| And then he told me I had to be in the belly room for a year. | ||
| And I knew that was a lie. | ||
| She passed me. | ||
| So again, but I needed the challenge. | ||
| You know? | ||
| You know one of my best moments for me personally? | ||
| I like what you did there. | ||
| I had to know because I gotta tell you. | ||
| Threw your hand back. | ||
| Like we're in the Tonight Show. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| Richard over at Comedy and Magic. | ||
| You know, and I love Richard. | ||
| Sure, I love Richard. | ||
| So I tried to showcase for Richard. | ||
| They're the nicest people ever over there. | ||
| They're so nice. | ||
| They treat comics the best. | ||
| Yeah, Mike Glacey. | ||
| You go there not to do comedy. | ||
| You go there to get food. | ||
| You go there to hug people. | ||
| Hug people. | ||
| Hang out with good people, man. | ||
| For real. | ||
| So I remember I tried to showcase for him. | ||
| I sent him a tape and he was like, Eric, you're too dirty and all this stuff. | ||
| And he wouldn't pass me. | ||
| So Maz Jobrani, this is years later now, Maz Jobrani is doing a show. | ||
| And he says, Eric, you want to be on my show? | ||
| So I'm standing in the hallway before I go on with the MC. And then we're joking about being clean. | ||
| And I say, you know what? | ||
| I'm going to go up there and pull my dick out. | ||
| A guy in a suit is walking down the hallway. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ha! | |
| This guy in the suit is walking. | ||
| He goes, hey, please don't do that. | ||
| And I go, you know, I'm just kidding. | ||
| And we laugh a little bit. | ||
| We laugh a little bit. | ||
| I go on stage. | ||
| I murder it. | ||
| And then I'm headed to the green room. | ||
| And that same guy in the suit comes running at me. | ||
| And it's Mike. | ||
| It's the owner. | ||
| Oh, that's hilarious. | ||
| And he says, hey. | ||
| He goes, man, you're hilarious. | ||
| Why aren't you working at my club? | ||
| Why don't I know you? | ||
| At that moment, Richard is in the hallway. | ||
| And then I look at Richard and I go, yeah, Richard, why am I not working here? | ||
| And he's like, well, you know, you were dirty. | ||
| I was like, I can play clean. | ||
| I play churches. | ||
| I played cruise ships. | ||
| I'm a professional comedian. | ||
| My point about this is that moment of him squirming and like being like, okay, you're in. | ||
| And after that, I was in. | ||
| That was worth waiting for. | ||
| As opposed to trying to bully my way into places. | ||
| I felt like I earned that. | ||
| And since then, Rich and I were friends. | ||
| But I had to earn that. | ||
| You had to earn it. | ||
| I had to find the right moment. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| I do know what you mean, man. | ||
| Could I have been on the Wednesday Night Ice House show with Joe Rogan before? | ||
| Possibly. | ||
| You have to get into these situations. | ||
| Joey can't work with me at the Ice House. | ||
| Why? | ||
| They won't have him. | ||
| Too dirty. | ||
| What did he do? | ||
| He went up and was talking about sniffing his balls and eating ass. | ||
| One too many cocksucker. | ||
| Doing the pigeon. | ||
| Sticking his nose up girls' asses. | ||
| Always going down on him from behind. | ||
| I do the pigeon. | ||
| And they would just fuck it. | ||
| First of all, he was murdering to the point where like drinks were falling off tables, the lights were dimming, they were shorting out. | ||
| And Mike was like, you know, Mike's the sweetest guy in the world. | ||
| He goes, I love you. | ||
| I think you're amazing. | ||
| He goes, but I can't have you in this club. | ||
| You're just dirty. | ||
| And he's like, look, he goes, I understand. | ||
| You know, Joey was... | ||
| Joey wasn't mad at him. | ||
| He's like one of the only guys that told Joey that he can't work. | ||
| But Joey was already successful by then. | ||
| Joey always works with me, so he just didn't want to do it. | ||
| Joey called me. | ||
| You know what I gotta say? | ||
| One of my favorite phone calls I've had is Joey Diaz calling me the other day. | ||
| He's, you know, I don't do this, cocksucker. | ||
| You were really good on him dying up here. | ||
| And he's just giving me compliments. | ||
| Oh, that's beautiful. | ||
| And I just don't... | ||
| And I was like, when this comes from someone... | ||
| That you believe is 100% genuine. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And then the way he was talking about it, I thought, I was like, oh, that's great. | ||
| That's what you want. | ||
| That's what I learned when I got back into it later, too, by the way. | ||
| When I was 30, I knew that you had to get the respect of your peers. | ||
| These people that you do this business with have to think you're funny because those are the people that are going to get you work. | ||
| Well, they have to like you, too. | ||
| They have to like you, too. | ||
| Yeah, that's a big one. | ||
| You have to be a nice person. | ||
| I try to be. | ||
| You are a very nice person. | ||
| But one of the things that's nice about the Comedy Store, for sure... | ||
| I attribute this to the internet because I think what's going on with the internet now is there's so many opportunities for comedians now that we're not in competition with each other anymore. | ||
| I don't think we've ever been. | ||
| We used to be like that, man, in the 90s. | ||
| In the 90s, everybody was like dog-eat-dog. | ||
| It was different. | ||
| There was a lot of people back then that felt like, say, if you got something, like you got a TV show, why didn't I get that fucking show? | ||
| There's people that thought there was a limited number of things. | ||
| It's what I call famine thinking. | ||
| You ever heard that expression? | ||
| Yes, I know exactly what you mean. | ||
| That expression is a deadly fucking, it's just a poison to your life and the way you think about the world that a lot of people have that problem, that famine thinking. | ||
| I think people still feel like that now, but I always liken it to golf. | ||
| You know, I think that we're on a leaderboard, but we're still fighting against ourselves. | ||
| Yeah, but no, because golf, you're competing. | ||
| You're still competing for the championship. | ||
| There's no competing at the comedy store. | ||
| No, I know, I know, but what I'm saying... | ||
| But in the world of stand-up comedy today, I think there's so many opportunities, there's so many places to work, so many stand-up, especially when you're doing The Road, there's so many theaters, so many comedy clubs, so many... | ||
| But there's still only 52 weeks of the year. | ||
| Think about that. | ||
| What the fuck does that mean? | ||
| How many headliners are there, do you think? | ||
| The real ones? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
300. I'm not joking. | |
| Okay. | ||
| I'm not joking. | ||
| Maybe worldwide. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Okay, well then there isn't enough then. | ||
| How many do you think there are? | ||
| Is there 500? | ||
| There might be 500. Well, I'm just saying at a club, though, there's only 52 weeks for them to book one guy. | ||
| But that's one club. | ||
| But you travel, right? | ||
| There's fucking hundreds of cities. | ||
| Well, I mean, it's still a fight out there, man. | ||
| Dude, fuck all that thing. | ||
| For the good weekends. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nah. | |
| What weekend? | ||
| July 4th weekend? | ||
| No, no, those are the bad weekends. | ||
| Those are the weekends I get. | ||
| I get Mother's Day, Father's Day, July 4th. | ||
| Dude, I get those too. | ||
| I do those weekends. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, you get... | |
| I like them. | ||
| You're doing the... | ||
| You're getting... | ||
| You're doing... | ||
| When's the last time you did a Thursday night at a club? | ||
| I don't usually do Thursday nights anywhere other than the store. | ||
| That's what I'm saying. | ||
| You don't do Thursday nights. | ||
| But I'll do Thursday nights on the road. | ||
| Oh, even on the road? | ||
| Yeah, I'll do a theater. | ||
| Well, the theater's different. | ||
| But I'm saying, like, you got to... | ||
| There was a time when you got to a part where you were doing Friday, Saturday, and you're out. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Right? | ||
| At clubs. | ||
| At clubs. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, so they're still... | ||
| That was just because I just got tired of the fucking grind. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know what got me more than anything is doing morning radio where you had to get up early in the morning and then you tried to get some sleep and you never could and then you were just wrecked. | ||
| And then the only time you didn't get... | ||
| Is morning radio working? | ||
| It doesn't work anymore. | ||
| Does that work? | ||
| But back in the day it did. | ||
| They still make you do it. | ||
| They're crazy. | ||
| They're crazy. | ||
| That's a waste of time. | ||
| And it's always the same thing. | ||
| It's a guy, uncle something, a sidekick. | ||
| It must work in some places. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I mean, I'm talking out of my ass. | ||
| Sometimes I'm going to go on, when I go on stage, I go, who heard me on the radio? | ||
| Who's here? | ||
| Nobody. | ||
| But meanwhile, you were up at 5 o'clock in the morning. | ||
| I'm up at 5 o'clock in the morning. | ||
| Exhausted. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That's the thing is, like, if you don't get good sleep, and that's the problem with doing three nights in a row in different places when I tour. | ||
| I'm just in New York. | ||
| I was just at Caroline's. | ||
| That third night, you gotta, that third night, well, three nights in a row, if you're just in Caroline's, that's okay, because you're getting up in the morning in the same hotel room, but when you get up and you have to go to the airport and then fly, land to a new place, take a shower, go to the gym, try to wake up, That's where it fucks you up. | ||
| Three nights in a row, by the time the third night comes around, you're like, damn, I'm kind of worn the fuck out. | ||
| Well, you just said something that's not even a part of my thing. | ||
| Like, you know, you said, like, get up, go to the gym. | ||
| Like, I gotta add that... | ||
| You gotta add that. | ||
| This is my move. | ||
| I gotta add that one, man. | ||
| When I fly somewhere, if I fly in, I put my fucking bag down, I unzip it, I take my shorts out, I put my fucking running shoes on or whatever I'm gonna wear, I go right to the gym. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Right to the gym. | ||
| I don't fuck around. | ||
| Because if I don't, I'm not gonna do it. | ||
| I feel you. | ||
| If I'm staying in a nice hotel and they have a 24-hour gym, that's my favorite. | ||
| I just put my fucking headphones on and just whatever it is. | ||
| I don't know what to do in the gym. | ||
| Just get on a fucking elliptical machine and do a half an hour. | ||
| Just make yourself sweat. | ||
| You know what I like to do? | ||
| This is going to sound crazy, but I love doing those like insanity. | ||
| Well, that's what I would fill that spot with. | ||
| When I get to the... | ||
| I put my bag down, take my shorts off. | ||
| Get my one sock ready. | ||
| Who ever did that? | ||
| Who does that? | ||
| Why do people say that? | ||
| Why would you jerk off on your shock? | ||
| People are gross. | ||
| What sort of... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Is this supposed to simulate some sort of, like, really loose pussy? | |
| Yeah, some sort of... | ||
| Some woolly pussy? | ||
| Yeah, some sort of cottony pussy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, unless you have a silk sock. | ||
| Yeah, even then. | ||
| Even then. | ||
| It feels like you'll cut yourself. | ||
| But anyways. | ||
| If you bring a fleshlight with you on the road, you're a creep. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because the moment that they go in through your bag. | ||
| At the airport. | ||
| At the airport. | ||
| Stanhope did that once. | ||
| Right after 9-11, he traveled with a briefcase. | ||
| No, not a briefcase. | ||
| A suitcase filled with dildos and rubber fists and all this shit. | ||
| And of course they had to check it everywhere he went. | ||
| And that was why he's doing it. | ||
| They're like opening up his bag and like, what is this? | ||
| It's my sex toys. | ||
| And they can't say shit because sex toys aren't outlawed. | ||
| Have you seen how crazy these sex robots are looking? | ||
| Yes, they have. | ||
| I mean... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think we're... | ||
| You know how this feeling we have about... | ||
| Self-driving cars. | ||
| There's a fear out there about self-driving cars. | ||
| We're not there yet. | ||
| It's not going to be our generation that fully embraces it. | ||
| We're 10, 15 years away from, like, this is going to be a normal thing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| This is the same thing with the sex dolls. | ||
| I think you're right. | ||
| When I see them, I have a disconnect of, like, I can't. | ||
| I would never... | ||
| I just... | ||
| They just look... | ||
| You say that now, but if it gets to, like, Ex Machina style... | ||
| Oh, well, I mean, gel. | ||
| That's coming. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's coming. | |
| But that's gonna happen, man. | ||
| What is this, Jamie? | ||
| But they gotta be self-cleaning. | ||
| They have a life-size sheep? | ||
| I googled sex robot and a sheep comes up. | ||
| Bitch, you got that bookmarked. | ||
| No, I don't. | ||
| I swear to God. | ||
| Wait, wait, wait. | ||
| First of all, is this one on the left for pedophiles? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It's typed in sex robot. | ||
| It says girl mannequin with realistic features? | ||
| What in the fuck? | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| That is creepy as fuck, dude. | ||
| I don't know about that one right there, dude. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| That is creepy. | ||
| That one on the left... | ||
| What's the one the real doll one right there? | ||
| That is a fucking little kid, man. | ||
| That's what I'm saying. | ||
| Yeah, that is creepy as shit. | ||
| Well, I guess that's one way to, you know... | ||
| Jamie, don't click on that. | ||
| It's not a sex robot. | ||
| I don't know why it's popping up there. | ||
| Yeah, then why'd you click right on the crotch part? | ||
| Yeah, but hold on a second. | ||
| But that's under... | ||
| But you Googled sex robot. | ||
| Yeah, and that's what's coming up. | ||
| And the first thing is... | ||
| Shop for sex robot on girl mannequin with realistic features. | ||
| Dude, that's fucking gross. | ||
| Ugh. | ||
| Meet Harmony, the sex robot. | ||
| Oh, go to her. | ||
| Go to Harmony. | ||
| That looks like at least a grown-ass woman sex robot. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Is that her? | |
| That would be dope. | ||
| Let me see this shit. | ||
| This is one I've seen. | ||
| There's always some... | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Whoa, that's what she looks like? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| She looks that good? | ||
| Yeah, we're getting there. | ||
| Oh, Jesus Christ. | ||
| But there's still something... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh! | |
| Oh, wow. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jesus. | |
| That's how they want it, though, with the head covered, just the ass sticking out. | ||
| So weird. | ||
| Oh, God, that's even weirder. | ||
| Look at that hole where the neck is. | ||
| Jesus, this is strange. | ||
| I mean, look at the booty. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So, damn, that is unbelievably lifelike, though. | ||
| Yeah, it's crazy. | ||
| Like, come on, man. | ||
| This is a scene in a science fiction movie. | ||
| If this was like 1960, and this is a science fiction movie, oh, she can blink slowly and seductively. | ||
| Oh, look at it. | ||
| Because she's blinking with her perfect lips. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know. | |
| I don't know. | ||
| If this was a science fiction movie from the 1960s and they had this, we'd be like, whoa, this is crazy. | ||
| Because it would be so far removed from reality. | ||
| Yeah, so far-fetched. | ||
| There's no way that this is going to look at what they're doing. | ||
| But this is not far-fetched. | ||
| This is close. | ||
| We're close. | ||
| You know what I think that this is going to be bypassed by? | ||
| Is virtual reality, like brain links. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Some sort of thing where you can stimulate the mind in a way that you think things are happening. | ||
| I think that's going to bypass all of this technology. | ||
| I think it's going to be both, but I think you're right that that's coming too. | ||
| But I think this is coming too. | ||
| I think the ability to have a real, realistic robot that'll fuck you, that's not hard, because you just think about all the moves that it has to do. | ||
| I know. | ||
| It's not a lot of moves. | ||
| I think, you know, also... | ||
| They'll be quiet, you know? | ||
| I think also a good thing, if it's possible, is have a robot like that to practice martial arts on. | ||
| Like, have a robot that throws punches and kicks and block them. | ||
| See, now you're thinking about improving society, not just for sex. | ||
| So you can have a robot teach you to play piano, teach you how to do, like... | ||
| I'm just talking about a robot that you can fuck up. | ||
| Like, leg kick it. | ||
| Well, this is what I'm saying, though. | ||
| Body kick it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's not going to hurt it. | |
| But it's a training thing. | ||
| Yes, yes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, well, there you go. | |
| That's totally possible. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Just have it move slowly. | ||
| Have a robot in there cooking. | ||
| How it doesn't move quickly, but it moves slowly so you can just work on drills and shit. | ||
| Do they already have one? | ||
| Oh, no, no, no. | ||
| No, they don't, Jamie. | ||
| This is just a fucking punching bag that moves back and forth. | ||
|
unidentified
|
This is stupid. | |
| That thing's dumb. | ||
| Good try, though. | ||
| You want one that throws back at you? | ||
| Yeah, I want a person. | ||
| What this is good for is hyperextending your fucking elbows. | ||
| You're going to miss this thing and hurt yourself. | ||
| I don't think that's a good idea, honestly. | ||
| I think your idea about having a... | ||
| So instead of having a sex robot, that same technology used for fighting, training. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because I have a dummy that I practice jujitsu on, but it's like this. | ||
| It's called a Bubba dummy. | ||
| It just lays there like this. | ||
| But I can practice arm bars and triangles. | ||
| I can do reps on it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I just do reps. | |
| Right, right. | ||
| But it's not as good as doing it with a person. | ||
| But it's hard to get a person to just stand there and let you fucking choke them over and over and over again. | ||
| That's what I'm saying. | ||
| But a robot. | ||
| A robot could. | ||
| You could get a male sex doll. | ||
| You could order it specifically. | ||
| I want the butthole sealed. | ||
| I want the dick removed. | ||
| Wait, wait, wait. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hold on, hold on. | |
| I don't want the mouth closed. | ||
| Hold on, hold on, hold on. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Why does the butthole need to be sealed so you don't want to be tempted? | |
| No one can accuse me of any shenanigans. | ||
| It doesn't even work, bro. | ||
| I'll show you. | ||
| I'll take the gi off of this. | ||
| Joe, why does the butthole still work? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I specifically called and said, no butthole. | |
| Why is this cock so large on your... | ||
| Why is it glistening? | ||
| Why does it smell like strawberries? | ||
| Yeah, it should always be dirty, too. | ||
| It's always dirty. | ||
| A couple of specks of blood on it. | ||
| Yeah, it shouldn't feel like it's been cleaned and used. | ||
| You keep the plastic on it, like a phone, you know when you get your phone? | ||
| But those real dolls, they move like a real person. | ||
| If you didn't mind practicing on the girl real doll, you would order the girl real doll with small breasts. | ||
| You know, so like the breasts don't get in the way, and then you can work your mount, get your arm bars in, your triangles, and then when you're done, you fuck up. | ||
| Oh, well there you go. | ||
| There you go. | ||
| So it's probably like dating, you know. | ||
| No. | ||
| It's very different than dating. | ||
| I'm talking about if you date the UFC, do you think Ronda Rodney and her guy, do they get excited like that when they're fighting each other? | ||
| I doubt it. | ||
| Or they just stay away from that completely? | ||
| I bet they do that. | ||
| I bet they don't even train together. | ||
| Well, she's done fighting. | ||
| Now she just does WWE. Which is great. | ||
| I think that's great for her. | ||
| Well, she's great at it. | ||
| She's very good at it. | ||
| She's a decent enough actress. | ||
| She's an entertainer. | ||
| She's an entertainer. | ||
| That's what all this is supposed to be anyway. | ||
| It's all entertainment. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| It's like, what is it for? | ||
| It's just to distract you and give you something fun to watch. | ||
| But we're so close to Roman times where we want someone... | ||
| Did you see that barrel knuckle boxing event they did this past weekend? | ||
| No. | ||
| See, I couldn't. | ||
| I can't with that, man. | ||
| I'm just not into watching violence like that. | ||
| I have a problem with it. | ||
| Because you know why? | ||
| Muhammad Ali. | ||
| Like, how he was later in his life, I go, why would anyone do this? | ||
| Even when I watch professional athletes, like, oh my god, this is what I'm saying! | ||
| Like, I can't, wow! | ||
| They did it in Wyoming. | ||
| Legalized bare knuckle boxing. | ||
| That just looks horrible. | ||
| Well, the idea is you can't hit people as hard with bare knuckles, so you're going to get cut up a little bit, but you're not going to get the same kind of head trauma. | ||
| No, it's definitely true. | ||
| No, man. | ||
| What about, what's his name? | ||
| Rudy Tomjanovich. | ||
| I don't know who that is. | ||
| The old coach from Houston. | ||
| Remember when he was playing in the NBA? They used to fight in the NBA in the 70s. | ||
| The fifth fight? | ||
| They used to fifth fight. | ||
| They used to have real fights and somebody got... | ||
| 1977. Clocked in the head and he broke his orbital bone. | ||
| So is this like this was normal? | ||
| This is real things, man. | ||
| They would just fight. | ||
| Oh, you know what I'm talking about. | ||
| He found it, see? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You had to see the replay, yeah. | ||
| Because he came, you know. | ||
| So what's happening here? | ||
| It's hard to see what's going on. | ||
| Rudy comes, and this guy clocks him in the head. | ||
| Oh, so I was looking at the wrong dudes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah. | |
| Watch, here he comes. | ||
| He's just coming in to stop the fight, and this guy thought he was coming at him. | ||
| Oh, and he's running right towards him, too. | ||
| That ruined his career. | ||
| Did it? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Well, that's an orbital fracture and that's real common in MMA. It happens all the time. | ||
| But like imagine with knuckles? | ||
| No, I do. | ||
| So you really think that... | ||
| That's not as bad, I'm telling you. | ||
| You think that with gloves it's worse? | ||
| Just as bad. | ||
| You can hit harder, trust me. | ||
| You can hit someone harder because it doesn't hurt your hands. | ||
| The gloves are not protecting the opponent. | ||
| The gloves are protecting your hand. | ||
| Well, I get that from doing this boxing. | ||
| I take my hand out of these gloves and my fucking fingers are killing me. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Take no gloves and go over to my heavy bag because that heavy bag is stiff. | ||
| Go over and start punching that thing. | ||
| It won't hurt your fucking hands. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| Same with punching a person. | ||
| 14 ounce or 16 ounce? | ||
| I'm not sure which... | ||
| I don't know how I feel, but sometimes when I went to 14 ounces, I feel like, oh, this is... | ||
| You got a little more speed. | ||
| I got a little more, yeah. | ||
| Two extra ounces missing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, these are zero ounces. | ||
| Your hands move very fast. | ||
| Oh, you got those zero-ounce gloves? | ||
| Well, in MMA, they're four. | ||
| They're four ounces. | ||
| Ugh, I couldn't even... | ||
| Listen, that looked terrible. | ||
| Those guys' faces, that can't be... | ||
| You could break someone's nose. | ||
| Dude, everybody's nose gets broken in the UFC. Everybody. | ||
| Everybody's face gets broken. | ||
| Orbital bronze. | ||
| This is your world, man. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| I hear you. | ||
| I turn the thing on and I hear your voice. | ||
| The other day I was on FX. I was like, oh, that's Joe Rogan. | ||
| And you were just going in. | ||
| You sound like a totally different person. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| You're in a whole different, in that mode, too. | ||
| You sound like if it was a Rocky movie, and then you hear the announcers. | ||
| That's you right there. | ||
| You got it down, man. | ||
| Well, I've been doing it a long time. | ||
| I know! | ||
| But that's your world, so I'm not trying to disrespect your world, but it's just too violent for me. | ||
| You've seen with that punch, that was 1977, and they probably didn't know how to fix those things back then. | ||
| But now they know how to fix orbital fractures and things along those lines. | ||
| It doesn't make it okay. | ||
| But I'm telling you, if that guy punched that guy with gloves on, it would have been just as bad. | ||
| Unless it was boxing gloves. | ||
| Boxing gloves, you probably wouldn't have got hurt as much because you're dealing with a big, thick, heavy pad. | ||
| Boxing gloves, 8, 10 ounces, depending on the fight. | ||
| I know what you're saying. | ||
| It seems like it's worse than this. | ||
| It seems like it's worse. | ||
| It does. | ||
| But I didn't know that. | ||
| What you get mostly is cuts. | ||
| You see those guys were all cut up because the bare knuckles are hitting skin. | ||
| Yeah! | ||
| This feels... | ||
| When I do this and I'm knocking on, I just feel, wow, I just feel how that would be like, oh man. | ||
| Well, it's interesting because a lot of people, I was saying for the longest time, you shouldn't have even wraps on your hands. | ||
| Because it gives people an unrealistic idea of what you could do with your hands. | ||
| And why are there pads on your knuckles when there's not pads on your shins or pads on your knees or pads on your heel or pads on your elbow? | ||
| Because you're smashing people with elbows. | ||
| There's way more power That you can generate hitting someone with an elbow, with a bare elbow, than you can with a bare fist. | ||
| Because a bare fist, if you hit someone in the forehead, or even in the cheek sometimes, you break your hand. | ||
| You break your hand, yeah. | ||
| But not with an elbow. | ||
| With an elbow, you could hit foreheads and face. | ||
| You could hit everything. | ||
| Like a good headbutt, too. | ||
| Yeah, there was a... | ||
| Jamie, I'm going to have you pull something up, because I sent this to Schaub. | ||
| There's something that... | ||
| Give me one second here and I'll find this. | ||
| Because... | ||
| Josh Emmett. | ||
| See if you can find... | ||
| Just Google this. | ||
| Josh Emmett details hellish road back to health. | ||
| Following Jeremy Stevens KO. MMAfighting.com. | ||
| What is that stuff you got over there? | ||
| What stuff? | ||
| This? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's alpha brain. | ||
| It's a cognitive... | ||
| Should I try it? | ||
| Yeah, you should. | ||
| Is this the limitless pill? | ||
| Dumb motherfucker. | ||
| LAUGHTER No, it actually tastes good. | ||
| After this, now we're going to be talking about science. | ||
| So this dude... | ||
| I can't even open it. | ||
| I don't hear... | ||
| Oh, here we go. | ||
| Bite it and tear it open. | ||
| That dude got KO'd by Jeremy Stevens, who's like one of the most ruthless knockout artists in the UFC, and he's got... | ||
| Major facial fractures Major his like orbital was fractured his cheekbone was fractured his nasal cavity was fractured like fucking everything is fractured and he just had emergency surgery Like the second surgery. | ||
| He went to Orlando where the fight was and they either misdiagnosed him or they missed some of the injuries, but he was still fucked up. | ||
| They didn't catch a lot of things, he says. | ||
| And then he went to another doctor and got an MRI and they immediately took him into surgery. | ||
| Like, dude, your fucking whole head is broken. | ||
| That's what I'm saying! | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't get it. | ||
| But this is legal. | ||
| Here's my thing. | ||
| Have you fought yourself? | ||
|
unidentified
|
You fought, right? | |
| Not in this stuff. | ||
| There was no MMA where I was fighting. | ||
| I kickboxed and I fought in a lot of Taekwondo tournaments. | ||
| There's nothing in you to fight now? | ||
| No. | ||
| I'm 50 years old. | ||
| What the fuck am I doing doing that? | ||
| Don't they got like a 42 and over league? | ||
| They don't, but there are some guys that are in their 40s that still fight. | ||
| It's a young man's game, right? | ||
| It's also a young man's game because... | ||
| By the time you're 40, you've got to think you've been doing it for a long time, which means you've been absorbing a lot of punishment for a long time, which means you should probably be done. | ||
| If you want to live into your 70s and 80s and be able to hold your bowels in and know where your keys are, there's a certain point in time where you can't get hit anymore. | ||
| Dude, even other sports. | ||
| You ever see these old basketball players, how they can't walk? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| Yeah, knees get devastated. | ||
| Yeah, they just, they can't, you know, they're like, Doc Rivers, I got Clippers tickets, so I see Doc Rivers, he's on the sideline, he can't even. | ||
| He's also a really tall guy, and that alone, all those leverage points, and all the impact, the constant, and especially I mean, a lot of these guys, they didn't understand overtraining. | ||
| They overtrained. | ||
| They had injuries. | ||
| They just toughed it out and worked through them. | ||
| You know, back injuries, weird spinal issues. | ||
| That's why I think they should let every professional athlete for, like, there's a week period where they get to take some steroids and recover. | ||
| A week? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's just a week. | |
| That's not enough. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| You'd have to be on a cycle. | ||
| You'd have to be on a cycle for six to eight weeks. | ||
| So in the off-season, you get that six to eight weeks of that steroid cream and cryotherapy to get your body... | ||
| No, I agree with you. | ||
| Because the doctor gives regular people steroids to recover from certain injuries. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| And then we're paying these people to entertain us. | ||
| We should allow them to take a moment to like, okay, well, here's my six-week period. | ||
| I'm going to get my steroids in and get myself back to normal, then we'll start training camp. | ||
| The problem is when you go on a cycle, like say if you went on a steroid cycle, your endocrine system shuts down. | ||
| And so then when you go off the steroids, Your body has a normalization period. | ||
| And a lot of time, I don't know the hard numbers, but I think what they try to say is it's 50% of the time that you were on the steroids. | ||
| So say if you're on steroids for three months, you would need a one and a half month recovery period before your hormones normalize. | ||
| And sometimes you need help. | ||
| Getting your hormones to normalize. | ||
| There's a bunch of things called clomiphene. | ||
| There's a bunch of different... | ||
| Is that also illegal stuff? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| All those are illegal. | ||
| Oh, there you go. | ||
| Depending on what the regulations are and what sport you're in. | ||
| But in MMA, all that shit... | ||
| Are you into other sports? | ||
| Do you watch football, basketball, none of that? | ||
| Or are you just strictly... | ||
| I don't even know the rules. | ||
| I don't know what's happening. | ||
|
unidentified
|
When I watch a football game, people are blowing whistles. | |
| I'm not. | ||
| I'm not. | ||
| I just don't have any room. | ||
| Look, I watch Professional Pool. | ||
| Okay, you're one of those. | ||
| I got you. | ||
| You must love going to Canada. | ||
| You know every time I go to Canada and I turn on their ESPN in Canada? | ||
| Snooker. | ||
| And they got like, they got the darts. | ||
| Curling. | ||
| They got curling. | ||
| They got stuff where I go, we would never show this bullshit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ha ha! | |
| Can I get a Kleenex, man? | ||
| I feel like I'm nasally. | ||
|
unidentified
|
There you go, nasally. | |
| Yeah, so it's not that I don't... | ||
| I'm a caveman. | ||
| It's just I like what I... Jesus. | ||
| Jesus, Eric. | ||
| Why are you doing that on mic? | ||
| I got a big nose. | ||
| Push that microphone to the side. | ||
| I'm four feet away from the... | ||
| Yeah, but you're blowing hard with that schnozzle. | ||
| You're going deep, son. | ||
| You just made people throw up. | ||
| It's funny how the fluid coming out of people's nose is so vile, the sound. | ||
| When you're on a basketball court or something like that and someone does a snot rocket, you see it like... | ||
| This from the guy that wants to watch blood on people's face. | ||
| I don't want to watch blood on people's face. | ||
| I just think that it would be a more realistic... | ||
| You don't get a thrill out of when somebody gets punched and then they turn around and they're just like, you know... | ||
| You don't get a thrill out of that? | ||
| No, I don't get a thrill out of that. | ||
| I get a thrill out of knockouts, for sure. | ||
| Which is worse. | ||
| And guys hitting people with big shots. | ||
| But it's not specifically about blood. | ||
| In fact, I think I don't like blood because it gets in the way and it stops fights. | ||
| Stops the fight. | ||
| Yeah, that's the argument against elbows, actually. | ||
| The cuts stop good fights, but they also knock people off. | ||
| Why don't you just throw that out like a big boy? | ||
| Is there garbage over there? | ||
| Where's the garbage? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Just seeing it is bothering you? | |
| Bag of snot. | ||
| I double-wrapped it. | ||
| It's right there. | ||
| I double-wrapped it, man. | ||
| I have it sitting on the table, and that snot's trying to get out. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| It's like Alien. | ||
| It's like... | ||
| I had to get it out, sorry. | ||
| Yeah, I don't know how we got from sex robots to snot. | ||
| It was a circuitous path. | ||
| That's what happens on this podcast, man. | ||
| I watch it a lot. | ||
| You go from like, I'm like, how'd they get there? | ||
| We don't even know. | ||
| We don't know what we did. | ||
| We don't know how it got there. | ||
| Well, I guess I should probably also plug my new specials coming out. | ||
| Oh, is that why you're here? | ||
| Is that why I'm here? | ||
| When is it coming out? | ||
| And how can the folks at home get it? | ||
| June 8th on Showtime, American Warrior. | ||
| I sent you a clip, but I know you didn't watch it. | ||
| That's what you are, American Warrior? | ||
| Yeah, I call it American. | ||
| Well, with the American, Eric is in the name American. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And so I just spell it with a K. Oh, American. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, I like. | ||
| Oh, look at that. | ||
| American Warrior. | ||
|
unidentified
|
There it is. | |
| On Showtime. | ||
| Ah, I like it. | ||
| That's actually, ooh, dude, that looks cool. | ||
| I like the background. | ||
| Where'd you film that shit? | ||
| In Portland, at the Star Theater in Portland. | ||
| Oh, dude, I love Portland. | ||
| Yeah, Portland is great. | ||
| And this one, my first special, The Ugly Truth, that I was talking about, Kevin Christie drew that for me. | ||
| Did he really? | ||
| Yeah, isn't that fantastic? | ||
| Oh, that's amazing. | ||
| Kevin's so talented. | ||
| I wanted to be on a road and then have a chicken next to me with grenades on it. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Like, we buy the chicken across the road. | ||
| So you get it! | ||
| Thank you! | ||
| That's a great picture, though, man. | ||
| That's just as good. | ||
| He did a great job. | ||
| That looks amazing. | ||
| And this one, I really go for it on this one, man. | ||
| You know, I'm talking about... | ||
| I'm talking about award show protesting. | ||
| I'm talking about kneeling for the national anthem, Me Too, Tiger Woods. | ||
| I'm going in on this one. | ||
| Going in. | ||
| Hard. | ||
| So you're happy with it? | ||
| I am happy with it. | ||
| Beautiful. | ||
| Because the thing about, like, one thing that's weird about specials now, that, you know, they have to be, you know, you could tell, oh, they filmed that a year ago or two years ago, and it's like, we're not allowed to, like, you know. | ||
| Topical shit? | ||
| Because there's so much content out there right now, it's like, get it out there. | ||
| For me, I want to know what Joe Rogan thinks about the stuff that's going on. | ||
| I want to see you talk about it for 30 minutes on a national scale. | ||
| And we just don't do that, and we've got to do that now. | ||
| I think we should be doing that, because they're putting out stuff so fast anyway, then it's not special anymore. | ||
| You need to stop calling them specials. | ||
| They're not special. | ||
| What is the name for them if they're not specials, right? | ||
| It's our content. | ||
| It's a weird name. | ||
| It should be like our conversations. | ||
| So this is an Eric Griffin conversation. | ||
| The Rolling Stones don't put out a special, they put out an album. | ||
| They put out an album! | ||
| Right? | ||
| Like, what did we do? | ||
| We put out a special. | ||
| They were special because there was only five of them a year. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| And you had to be a giant to get one. | ||
| And it was like a celebration of your career and your fans. | ||
| It was like, I've made it, here's this, so your fans could go, yo, to not fans, come watch this. | ||
| This guy's really funny. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And you do make maybe four of them in a career. | |
| A career! | ||
|
unidentified
|
This is my second one now. | |
| Nobody saw the first one! | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| The first one wasn't that long ago either. | ||
| It was like two years ago? | ||
| No, it was last year. | ||
| It came out last year, but I taped it two years ago, the year before. | ||
| So it took a year to come out. | ||
| It took a year to come out because they wanted it to come out with the show. | ||
| I'm dying up here. | ||
| Sunday's on Showtime. | ||
| They wanted it to come out with the show, and so the same thing happened this year. | ||
| I'm dying up here's out, you know. | ||
| And if someone doesn't have Showtime, can they watch it on Amazon or anything like that? | ||
| No, they can. | ||
| Eventually they'll be able to. | ||
| But, you know, it's one of those things you've got to have Showtime. | ||
| Yeah, you get the Showtime Anytime app. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| Showtime Anytime, and yeah, you can watch it there. | ||
| And I just think that we need to, I want to hear, with all this stuff that's been going on, especially with Trump, in the Trump era, imagine, like... | ||
| Did you see what he said today? | ||
| Did he think he could pardon himself? | ||
| Dude, there's always... | ||
| He wrote pardon in all caps. | ||
| He thinks he can pardon himself? | ||
| He wrote pardon in all caps. | ||
| In all caps, he wrote pardon. | ||
| Like, this is like... | ||
| We did this! | ||
| Well, people did it. | ||
| I didn't do it. | ||
| I voted for Gary Johnson. | ||
| He was on my podcast. | ||
| I voted for him. | ||
| Yeah, well, see, that's what I'm saying. | ||
| Yeah, so you say, well, that's a vote for Trump, really, in this day and age. | ||
| How dare you? | ||
| I'm just saying. | ||
| It's not because it's California, and California went for Clinton anyway. | ||
| Because of the Electoral College. | ||
| Yeah, but by the way, if they got rid of the Electoral College, then the Republican candidate would come to California, they'd go up to Northern California, and they'd get 10-15 million votes for them anyway. | ||
| Northern, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, Northern California. | ||
| Anything between San Francisco and all the way down the five coming to here, too. | ||
| Not just Northern California. | ||
| Because people think of Northern California as being like San Francisco, but no. | ||
| There's hours of driving above San Francisco. | ||
| You could drive for eight hours and still be in California. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| California's a day drive. | ||
| If you go from Mexico all the way up to Oregon, it's a day. | ||
| These people that live on the East Coast and Midwest, in two hours they could go through four states. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| And they have. | ||
| And it's not us, man. | ||
| That's why it's tough to... | ||
| Well, that's why they want to change into three Californians. | ||
| Have you heard that shit? | ||
| Yeah, they don't want to do that shit. | ||
| They're talking about putting it on the ballot. | ||
| It'd be a poor state. | ||
| It wouldn't be good, because L.A. would have all the fucking money. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You know? | ||
| I mean, it would be L.A., San Francisco, and then farmers. | ||
| Yeah, I think they just want to get... | ||
| It would be another... | ||
| What would that do to the electoral votes? | ||
| That's a good question. | ||
| Like, we have 55 now, so then it would be like, what, the main epicenter? | ||
| Well, wherever there's urban ethnic people, though, they're going to not... | ||
| They're going to draw those... | ||
| What are you showing me, Jamie? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jamie? | |
| California is the fifth largest economy in the world. | ||
| In the world. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| Yeah, take that, Uruguay. | ||
| If we beat out the whole of the UK, we beat out the United Kingdom. | ||
| United Kingdom is Scotland too, right? | ||
| That's not just England, Scotland, who else is it? | ||
| Is it Ireland? | ||
| Is that the UK? I don't think so, yeah. | ||
| Christ. | ||
| That's a big fucking place. | ||
| Isn't it like 20% of the entire population of the United States live in California? | ||
| 13% or something like that. | ||
| Something silly. | ||
| 8%. | ||
| It's like 1 in 13. But we don't know the real numbers. | ||
| Oh, I thought it was way more than that. | ||
| Yeah, it's a little bit less than that. | ||
| It was more before, I thought. | ||
| They think there's 20 million people here. | ||
| I don't think they're fucking counting. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| Did you ever get... | ||
| Did anybody count you? | ||
| Did you get counted? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| What are they doing to count? | ||
| They ain't counting anybody. | ||
| Especially all the people that are here illegally. | ||
| How many people do you know that are here illegally? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I don't know too many people that are illegal. | ||
| I used to know a lot of people who were Canadian that were illegal. | ||
| I'm just so bougie now that I'm not even around people that... | ||
| Where would they be? | ||
| We don't run in the same circles. | ||
| Actually, the lady that cleans my house, she might be illegal. | ||
| What about the guy? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Blanca. | |
| Her name is Blanca. | ||
| She's great. | ||
| Are you in an apartment or do you have a house? | ||
| No, I don't have a house yet. | ||
| I'm weird about it. | ||
| Good move. | ||
| Good to be here. | ||
| I always feel like this job I'm in now is the last job I'll ever have and I'm going to need my money. | ||
| Well, let me stop you right there. | ||
| You're a funny dude and you're always going to do well. | ||
| But I want to get the house I want. | ||
| I want to get the house I want to die in. | ||
| Do you have a podcast? | ||
| No, I don't. | ||
| Time to get a podcast. | ||
| That's the next thing. | ||
| I'm working on it. | ||
| You're good at this. | ||
| You'd be perfect at it. | ||
| I know. | ||
| We'll be competing, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| See, I have everybody on my podcast, man. | ||
| People that are supposedly competing, but I want them to do well. | ||
| I think there's enough out there for everybody. | ||
| I really do. | ||
| This is about people's own personal time anyway. | ||
| When they watch you, they listen to your podcast, and then they listen to the next one. | ||
| It's not live anymore. | ||
| Nothing's live anymore. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| I don't even know when my favorite shows come on. | ||
| I just put them in the queue, and then I watch them. | ||
| All my shows come on on Sunday night. | ||
| That's how I look at it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Because that's when I watch TV. Yeah, that's a unique thing, and most of the shit I watch these days is on Netflix. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| So it's all streaming. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Netflix, what a juggernaut they are, huh? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Goddamn. | |
| I don't think it's sustainable. | ||
| Goddamn. | ||
| It can't be sustainable. | ||
| Why is that? | ||
| It's doing so well. | ||
| Yeah, but here's the thing. | ||
| If I drop $60 million on Netflix, I drop $60 million to make a project, and you watch it in 10 hours, then you're like, hey, what's next? | ||
| I bet you, I guarantee you, in a couple years, Netflix is going to stop this, the whole show comes out in one sitting. | ||
| They're going to probably do it in chunks. | ||
| Why would they do that? | ||
| Because you want... | ||
| Anticipation... | ||
| You're fired. | ||
| What it does to your brain... | ||
| If you're working in the boardroom, as soon as you walked out of the door, I'd be like, fire him. | ||
| No, man. | ||
| Get rid of him. | ||
| He's retarded. | ||
| He doesn't have any idea what he's talking about. | ||
| Anticipation, psychologically, feels just as good as actually achieving their thing. | ||
| That anticipation you feel, like waiting to see what happens next week. | ||
| Oh, you're on a Showtime show. | ||
| I see what's going on. | ||
| This motherfucker right here. | ||
| I see what's going on. | ||
| You're trying to, like, justify being on a Showtime show. | ||
| I think it's a good thing that they come out on Sundays. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It is. | |
| It is a good thing. | ||
| It's a good thing. | ||
| You can binge it at the end of the season. | ||
| Yeah, that's not good. | ||
| See, before, before... | ||
| I like binging. | ||
| You can still binge! | ||
| Yeah, but this model, obviously, is uber successful. | ||
| Like, one of the most successful things ever. | ||
| Then why are they talking about they're losing money all the time? | ||
| What are you talking about? | ||
| Look at that! | ||
| Do you know how much money Netflix made? | ||
| Netflix has hundreds of millions of subscribers that each pay $10 a month. | ||
| They make more money than anybody. | ||
| But they're also putting out money. | ||
| If they're giving stand-up comics $20 million to make specials... | ||
| Well, they put out 52 specials. | ||
| Let's say they paid $100,000, which I know they didn't. | ||
| They paid way more than that for each of them. | ||
| That's still a lot of money right there, man. | ||
| Yeah, I like how you didn't even bother counting it. | ||
| I didn't want to count it. | ||
| What is it, like $50 million? | ||
| I'm the worst at doing simple math in my head. | ||
| I'm like, $500 times 25 weeks is, what is that? | ||
| It's like $15. | ||
| I don't know what the fuck that is. | ||
| It's a lot of money! | ||
| It's a lot of money, damn it! | ||
| They make Stranger Things. | ||
| Stranger Things is an expensive show. | ||
| Goddamn good show. | ||
| And then people watch it in one week, it's over. | ||
| But then you're saying as a Netflix person, hey, what's next? | ||
| Yeah, but millions of people watch it in that week. | ||
| No, I get that. | ||
| And those people are justifying that $10 a month that they spend. | ||
| That's why they have their content constantly coming in. | ||
| Netflix is really close to surpassing Disney's valuation. | ||
| Do you know how crazy that is? | ||
| I did a Netflix special, by the way, in 2005. Oh, shit. | ||
| You won the OG originals. | ||
| I was OG, son. | ||
| You imagined you didn't get $20 million, though? | ||
| Yeah, well, I'm happy. | ||
| But that's showing you that you're incorrect. | ||
| Netflix is making shit tons of money. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, no. | |
| Just because they're valuable doesn't mean that they're making a profit. | ||
| They're taking on debt, so it's business. | ||
| But how much are they making versus how much are they spending? | ||
| It's just like Uber. | ||
| Uber's evaluation was... | ||
| I think they took on another $8 billion in debt. | ||
| What does that mean, though, when they do that? | ||
| But is it based on their earnings? | ||
| Aren't they making billions of dollars a year? | ||
| Yeah, they're making money, and then they took on more debt. | ||
| So they just reinvested it back into the company. | ||
| They're not really interested in turning a profit, maybe, for 2017. They're looking more into 2025. That's what I'm talking about, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Is that true? | |
| Do you know what you're saying? | ||
| Did you guess? | ||
| It's It's not sustainable. | ||
| But hold on a second. | ||
| How much do they make? | ||
| Let's find out instead of just guessing. | ||
| Not that I give a fuck, but obviously Eric does because he's so invested in Showtime. | ||
| Oh, this guy. | ||
| And this model of... | ||
| What does Showtime do to you? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I like Showtime. | |
| See, this is like that time I saw you... | ||
| My Netflix special that I did in 2005, we actually sold to Showtime. | ||
|
unidentified
|
See? | |
| Once I got the rights to it. | ||
| There you go. | ||
| And then it went back to Netflix, kid. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| It's one of them licensing deals. | ||
| Well, now my licensing deal is just going to... | ||
| I don't know what it's going to be. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| My first special I did with Rooftop, which was now owned by Amazon. | ||
| So I think you can get the audio. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, that's good. | |
| You can get the audio on. | ||
| I think Amazon's going to buy Netflix. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Watch. | |
| Look what Showtime has done for fucking Sebastian. | ||
| That's what I'm saying. | ||
| I mean, it's not a bad place to be. | ||
| This is not a bad place to be. | ||
| I love Showtime. | ||
| It's a great place to be. | ||
| If Showtime wants to be in the Eric Griffin business, I'm all about it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, I hear you, man. | ||
| Look, Showtime's great. | ||
| Don't get me wrong. | ||
| So my special comes out on Friday, but only 10 minutes at a time. | ||
| So then next week... | ||
| You'll be in the middle of a bit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And this is what I think about Bill Cosby! | |
| Tune in next week! | ||
| Hey, that might be the new model, man. | ||
| American Warrior! | ||
| Episode 2! | ||
| We gotta come up with... | ||
| Dude, you gotta come up with some kind of gimmicks. | ||
| It's like there's so many specials out there. | ||
| Just keep swinging. | ||
| That's what I'm doing, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look. | |
| It's just me on stage. | ||
| There's no skits in the front or the back end. | ||
| Good. | ||
| There's none of that shit. | ||
| It's just an announcement. | ||
| Did anybody introduce you or did you just walk on stage? | ||
| No, somebody introduced me. | ||
| New shit is just walking on stage. | ||
| Oh, and that's you? | ||
| That's how you doing it? | ||
| That's all I do. | ||
| It just turns on? | ||
| I just walk on stage. | ||
| Okay, that's going to be the next one. | ||
| No introduction. | ||
| I did introduction last time. | ||
| I'm like, you know what? | ||
| That's a waste of time. | ||
| I feel you. | ||
| Especially when you have to cut it down. | ||
| I had to cut out nine minutes. | ||
| It's tricky, right? | ||
| Nine minutes? | ||
| People don't understand how long nine minutes is for comedy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's a long-ass time. | ||
| I was shooting babies, man. | ||
| How many did you film? | ||
| I did twice. | ||
| Twice is good. | ||
| If I had to do it again, I would want to do it four times. | ||
| That's what I'd do. | ||
| And I would take the two second shows and be the one. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Well, I did four last time in San Francisco, my last one. | ||
| And then this one in Boston, I did four too. | ||
| But you got four money. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Yeah, you got to pay more. | ||
| You got to have four money. | ||
| But you know what? | ||
| For me, it was like, I know you want to be loose. | ||
| And because of that, I was looser in the first show than I've ever been. | ||
| Because I didn't just think I had two barrels. | ||
| I was tight as fuck in my first show here. | ||
| And the crowd was. | ||
| I was in Portland. | ||
| So it was like these liberal, pretentious white people. | ||
| And you're talking about dangerous shit. | ||
| It was, man. | ||
| You have to own it when you talk about this stuff. | ||
| You got to own it. | ||
| You do have to own it. | ||
| Unapologetic. | ||
| That's how you have to do it. | ||
| So the second show was so loosey-goosey and I think I captured something here. | ||
| Yeah, Portland's an interesting place because it's real liberal to the point where they go so far left that they're like militant in a way. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| But I had a great time there, man. | ||
| I had a great time there last time I was there. | ||
| I was there like six months ago. | ||
| I fucking loved it. | ||
| Do you find it, like, out there, it's, you know, in this Trump era, I find that comedy has been challenging. | ||
| It's definitely, it's not just the Trump era. | ||
| It's the era of outrage. | ||
| Yes, yes, yes. | ||
| But what I'm saying is, I find that Trump people are angry winners, you know? | ||
| They're angry winners. | ||
| Like, you won! | ||
| Your guy's in office! | ||
| They're gloaters. | ||
| And then you say anything and they're just like, fuck you! | ||
| Oh, if you say anything bad about Trump, and I have, they fucking come hard at you. | ||
| They come hard. | ||
| And I get it. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| That's your guy. | ||
| If that's your guy, that's your guy. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| Well, he's the king of the assholes. | ||
| The assholes have never been represented before. | ||
| For real. | ||
| Well, I don't know. | ||
| I think there's been quite a few assholes. | ||
| No, for real. | ||
| Not by a politician who's overtly asshole-ish. | ||
| Yeah, he's definitely... | ||
| When has that ever happened? | ||
| I know. | ||
| Never. | ||
| I'm a very stable genius. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Calls himself a stable genius. | ||
| Dude, that tweet is dark, where he says, I have every right to pardon, in all letters, in all capital letters, myself. | ||
| I looked at that this morning, and I got sick to my stomach a little bit. | ||
| It's just a guy that doesn't know how to do the job. | ||
| And it's not his fault that he was given the job. | ||
| Well, he went after it. | ||
| I know, but it's not his fault he was the best candidate in the Republican Party. | ||
| They should be the ones that should be ashamed of themselves. | ||
| I was watching the Trevor Noah show, and he was showing this clip of Trump at a rally. | ||
| He's already won. | ||
| And he's up there saying, you know, they told me to say drain the swamp. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I didn't like it. | ||
| He's saying this. | ||
| I didn't like that, but they said it would work. | ||
| He even has contempt for the people that believed the bullshit that he was saying. | ||
| He has contempt for them by just going like, you know, I said these things just to get elected. | ||
| And it worked. | ||
| And these other people, they just were horrible candidates. | ||
| Kevin Christie. | ||
| And so he was... | ||
| Chris Christie. | ||
| I said Kevin Christie. | ||
| He was on my mind. | ||
| The guy that drew my... | ||
| The awesome artist. | ||
| The awesome artist. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So, you know... | ||
| Kevin Christie's right now listening to this going, what the fuck did I do to you? | ||
| What did I do? | ||
| I know. | ||
| I drew that awesome cover for you. | ||
| I didn't run for office. | ||
| Jesus shit. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Ungrateful motherfucker. | ||
| So why wouldn't he be an asshole? | ||
| Why wouldn't he be like a sore winner? | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| He's a gloater. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| But it's the age of outrage. | ||
| And this is like what we're seeing from this Roseanne stuff. | ||
| Like, dude, I've been called a racist more times over the last few days for defending Roseanne and saying that I know her, she's mentally ill, and that she's on all kinds of pills. | ||
| I don't think she's a racist. | ||
| Listen, I'm going to say this too. | ||
| I think that this is a just because you can doesn't mean you should situation. | ||
| Can I tweet something inappropriate? | ||
| Of course you can. | ||
| Should you, when you have all of these things that you're responsible for? | ||
| Sure. | ||
| You're the lead of a show. | ||
| It's a family show. | ||
| You're on a family network. | ||
| You have a lot of people's jobs that are depending on you. | ||
| And I think there was just an error in judgment. | ||
| Oh, 100%. | ||
| Now, do I think that she's a racist? | ||
| I think that if she had just called the woman just ugly, And talked about her job. | ||
| Would this have been the same thing? | ||
| But you add, you know, it's like if you call somebody a bitch, okay, people can have a problem with that. | ||
| You call somebody a black bitch, then all of a sudden that changes it. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| If you call somebody a black monkey bitch, then you're like, okay, where is this coming from? | ||
| Well, a perfect example is Samantha Bee calling Ivanka Trump a feckless cunt, and she said it on TV. I know. | ||
| I mean, that was prepared. | ||
| Like, someone wrote that out. | ||
| It was a part of her monologue. | ||
| She said it on television, and then they apologized. | ||
| They're like, ah, I shouldn't have said it. | ||
| And TBS is like, we're good. | ||
| But the advertisers are not good. | ||
| They're pulling out left and right. | ||
| But here's the thing with Roseanne. | ||
| She's not well. | ||
| This is a fact. | ||
| I've talked to her. | ||
| She's told me. | ||
| I've talked to other people who know her. | ||
| I've talked to people who worked with her. | ||
| She's mentally ill. | ||
| She talks openly about it. | ||
| Hold on a second. | ||
| She's on a host of medications. | ||
| She's on antidepressants. | ||
| She's on Ambien. | ||
| She's drinking. | ||
| She's smoking pot. | ||
| She's 66 years old. | ||
| She's not well. | ||
| She smokes cigarettes. | ||
| She's out of it. | ||
| She's got real mental issues. | ||
| Now, here's the thing. | ||
| If she had problems with her lungs, And she was smoking cigarettes and coughing up blood and doing stupid shit like trying to run marathons. | ||
| Would people go, hey, you know, what the fuck is wrong with you? | ||
| You think you could run a marathon? | ||
| What are you fucking stupid? | ||
| No, they wouldn't because they would go, oh, she's got an illness. | ||
| This is why she can't run. | ||
| This is why she's coughing up blood. | ||
| She's got a mental illness. | ||
| She's mentally ill. | ||
| This is a fact. | ||
| That's why she's on so many different medications. | ||
| But does mental illness, if you were starting to get mentally ill, are you saying that, like, saying, like, sort of overtly racist things? | ||
| First of all, she didn't know that lady was black. | ||
| Have you ever seen that woman? | ||
| She does not look black. | ||
| She thought that lady was Jewish. | ||
| When she said Planet of the Apes, she said it because of her haircut, because she looks like that lady from the Planet of the Apes. | ||
| She swears, and she sweared to me on the phone. | ||
| Her exact words, she goes, I would never fucking say that. | ||
| You think I'm so stupid that I would call a black lady Planet of the Apes? | ||
| She goes, I thought she was Jewish. | ||
| She goes, look at her. | ||
| She doesn't look black. | ||
| Oh, that makes it okay. | ||
| It doesn't, but she's Jewish, too. | ||
| I mean, that was the other thing. | ||
| Someone said, well, look, she did this. | ||
| She dressed up like Hitler and had Jew cookies, and she was baking them back in the day. | ||
| Yeah, she's a shitster. | ||
| By the way, she's also Jewish. | ||
| You know, I think she gets a free pass on doing that. | ||
| But I think that when you make a mistake, this is what's missing from our society now. | ||
| She made a mistake, you should be allowed to apologize for that mistake, live with the shame, and then you move on. | ||
| But what we're trying to do now is remove people from society altogether. | ||
| Like, I don't want to, like, I'm not gonna, like, we're not gonna excuse her behavior. | ||
| We're not even gonna say that there's, you know, Even whatever the reason is, all the mental illness and all this kind of stuff, it's still a mistake what happened. | ||
| She's well enough to work on a television show, so I'm saying she made this mistake, and I'm not with saying that she's a racist either, because even when I read that, I'm just saying as a comic. | ||
| We say things that a regular person is going to translate the math into like, well, this is because you don't like black people or women, or you don't like Jews, or you don't like... | ||
| And that's not how we operate. | ||
| We're just trying to be funny. | ||
| We're just trying to be funny. | ||
| And I think that she comes from an era where this is what you would say to be funny and biting. | ||
| And I think when she looked back on it, she went, oh, I didn't know this person was black. | ||
| Now, the people out there listening, you can believe it or not. | ||
| But at the same time... | ||
| The Susan Rice comment from a long time ago was way worse. | ||
| Because Susan Rice is clearly black. | ||
| And she did a comment a long time ago. | ||
| I think it was like 2013. But she said, Susan Rice is a man with giant swinging ape balls. | ||
| That's what she said. | ||
| Now that is way worse. | ||
| That's way worse. | ||
| And that is a woman who's clearly black. | ||
| I mean, you look at Susan Rice. | ||
| She's not racially ambiguous at all. | ||
| This other woman, Valerie, I don't know her name, Jarrett. | ||
| She's got straight hair. | ||
| She's got light complexion. | ||
| She's a thin... | ||
| It's all about intent, though, is what you're talking about right now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Well, it's... | ||
| Her intent was to be funny. | ||
| She is obviously not doing... | ||
| But first of all, she was drunk and on Ambien. | ||
| And Ambien is a... | ||
| Hamilton Morris sent me an email about this. | ||
| He was explaining it to me. | ||
| And then I talked to a sleep therapist about it. | ||
| There's a type of drug that Ambien is that's called a hypnotic. | ||
| And this is one of the reasons why Ambien has so many weird side effects associated with it. | ||
| My friend Kevin James. | ||
| Kevin James got up in the middle of the night, cooked a meal, went to bed, got up in the morning, and his wife confronted him like, did you do that? | ||
| He's like, I didn't fucking do that. | ||
| And she's like, no, the food's in the trash. | ||
| You cooked it. | ||
| You ate it. | ||
| He's like, I did not. | ||
| I did not eat that. | ||
| And she's like, okay, if you didn't do it, who did? | ||
| And he had to come to grips with the fact that he was on Ambien. | ||
| He got up, cooked a meal for himself, had no recollection of it, went back to sleep. | ||
| My mom was on Ambien. | ||
| She got up in the middle of the night and drew on the shag carpet. | ||
| She had a white shag carpet in her bathroom with lipstick and with nail polish, like a little kid. | ||
| She goes, I don't remember doing it at all. | ||
| She says, it's scary shit. | ||
| I know a bunch of people that have had weird experiences on that stuff. | ||
| But if you stay in somebody's house and you were on Ambien and you messed up their shag carpet... | ||
| You'd apologize. | ||
| You'd have to apologize for it. | ||
| But this is what I'm saying with her. | ||
| And then maybe say, don't say Ambien. | ||
| She's also drunk. | ||
| On antidepressants, which you're not supposed to be, and then she's smoking pot, which I'm sure you're probably not supposed to do either when you're on those things, and she's an older lady who just got off of an exhausting schedule that almost, in her words, almost killed her. | ||
| She had bronchitis when she was filming. | ||
| I'm saying, she's not doing well. | ||
| So she made a fucked up mistake and she apologized, but everybody wants to bury her, man. | ||
| And I'm not with that. | ||
| I'll tell you with you. | ||
| But that's the society that we live in right now. | ||
| That's just like jump to outrage right now. | ||
| Not just outrage, but we want to end your career. | ||
| Why do we want to end someone's career for fucking up? | ||
| It's one thing. | ||
| Here's the thing. | ||
| If she was not mentally ill, there was nothing wrong with her. | ||
| Like, say, if someone from... | ||
| Let's just pick a sitcom. | ||
| Big Bang Theory. | ||
| You know, let's say the guy from... | ||
| Is that on Stevie still? | ||
| What's on TV right now? | ||
| Stevie? | ||
| Stevie? | ||
| Is that a different type of TV? Yeah. | ||
| It's on CBS. What's a new one that's on TV? What's a new one? | ||
| Like, let's say... | ||
| All right. | ||
| Either one of these guys wants TV. They don't have any anymore. | ||
| They don't even have any anymore. | ||
| It's a Big Bang Theory song. | ||
| Oh, it is? | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Alright, Big Bang Theory. | ||
| Is a pretty blonde girl in the Big Bang Theory? | ||
| I don't know her name. | ||
| What if that girl gets on TV, or she gets on Twitter, and she says something totally racist, throws some n-bombs, and there's nothing wrong with her. | ||
| She's like, this is just how I feel. | ||
| And then they come after her and they go, well, fuck this bitch. | ||
| She shouldn't be on television. | ||
| She's racist. | ||
| She doesn't represent how America views people in 2018. She's archaic. | ||
| Get her off the fucking air. | ||
| You can't get away with this anymore. | ||
| This is the 1920s. | ||
| This is 2018. That would be acceptable. | ||
| I understand that. | ||
| If you found a real hateful person, she secretly has like a swastika tattoo somewhere. | ||
| She's an evil person. | ||
| This is not the case with Roseanne. | ||
| It's just not the case. | ||
| She's an older lady who's mentally disturbed and on a fucking host of competing medications for her consciousness. | ||
| Well, that should be the reason why... | ||
| She needs help, man. | ||
| Yeah, we gotta get her some help. | ||
| But it's a crazy thing. | ||
| It's like she was America's sweetheart just a couple of weeks ago. | ||
| I know. | ||
| And now fucking it's just hate. | ||
| That's how quickly. | ||
| Everybody hates her. | ||
| That's how quickly. | ||
| And people are calling me a racist for saying what I said right there. | ||
| This is not an unusual thing in our society. | ||
| This very much reminds me of the Salem witch hunt. | ||
| This is the same kind of thing. | ||
| A little bit, right? | ||
| It's like the Scarlet Letter. | ||
| How old is the Scarlet Letter? | ||
| And we're still doing that now. | ||
| McCarthyism. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| This is something that we're prone to it. | ||
| Do you think it's because people are scared that they're going to get called out on it themselves? | ||
| So when they see someone who's doing something wrong, they go after them, attack them with everything they have to almost divert any sort of... | ||
| Because people are scared that people are going to turn on them. | ||
| Especially in this day and age, when people turn on people for... | ||
| You know the Garrison Keillor story? | ||
| He's the saddest story in this Me Too stuff because Garrison Keillor is a guy who had the Lake Wobegon Chronicles. | ||
| It's this PBS show. | ||
| It's a radio show. | ||
| It's ongoing for decades and he's a writer and he hugged a woman. | ||
| He was consoling her. | ||
| He hugged her and apparently while he was hugging her his arm went down her back on her back and And he apologized. | ||
| She pulled away. | ||
| He apologized. | ||
| He sent her a letter. | ||
| He apologized. | ||
| You know, he said, I'm sorry. | ||
| I didn't mean to do that. | ||
| She says, no worries. | ||
| Don't worry about it. | ||
| Years later, when all this Me Too frenzy, she brings this up. | ||
| He gets fired. | ||
| They pull his name off the show. | ||
| For touching a girl's back, it's like the frenzy was so hot. | ||
| They didn't want to be accused of not doing anything, so they pulled this guy. | ||
| I know. | ||
| You know, there's the worst side of it, right? | ||
| There's the Harvey Weinsteins of the world. | ||
| There's the people that are absolutely monsters, right? | ||
| There's those people. | ||
| But then there's people that just got caught up in the wave of outrage. | ||
| And it's a strange time. | ||
| There's no balance to it. | ||
| Well, the pendulum is going to swing. | ||
| We'll swing until our attitudes balance out. | ||
| I mean, the fact that the Me Too movement is not a bad thing because it's bringing up some serious issues that we've had in our society. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's a good thing. | |
| It's a great thing to happen. | ||
| But in the meantime, there's going to be collateral damage for that until we now get back to a time where we can, like, men will act like gentlemen. | ||
| We'll be able to have interpersonal relationships with women at work and in a setting and make it professional. | ||
| But at the same time, we also don't want a sterile environment. | ||
| When you go to these seminars, because even for our show now, because of all this, you have to have a sexual harassment meeting before you start. | ||
| Well, they had those in the 90s. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| I went to those for Hardball, a show that I was on in 94. But one of the things they always say, because you can't define this, you know it when you see it. | ||
| Well, that's what they used to say about pornography. | ||
| But that's what we've lost, that ability to understand that. | ||
| Legally, that's not a good definition. | ||
| It's a problem. | ||
| But that is the definition. | ||
| It's the same thing that goes with oversensitivity. | ||
| I think that too. | ||
| We should know it when we see it. | ||
| And we're not recognizing that. | ||
| It's like, you know, you're acting, this is a bit much right now sometimes. | ||
| Did you hear about the two college kids that got drunk and had sex and the boy, upon waking up and sobering up, decided to preemptively accuse the girl of sexual assault because he was intoxicated? | ||
| So he filed and went after her. | ||
| She got suspended from school. | ||
| They had to do it because otherwise they would be sexist because they do it all the time if it's a boy and a girl. | ||
| It's always thought that if a boy... | ||
| Do you know the Occidental College story? | ||
| Mm-mm. | ||
| It's a pretty famous story from a few years back where these two kids, they were in college. | ||
| The guy texts the girl, you know, I'm coming over. | ||
| She's like, do you have condoms? | ||
| He says yes. | ||
| So clearly, intent has been established, right? | ||
| Goes over, has sex with her. | ||
| Her friends convince her because she was intoxicated that it was sex under the influence, so it was rape. | ||
| And so she goes to the university officials and they suspend the boy. | ||
| He sues and wins. | ||
| And the whole thing is chaos. | ||
| Because this kid gets kicked out of fucking school. | ||
| Actually, did he win? | ||
| I need to know if he won. | ||
| I think he did. | ||
| Yeah, let's fact check that. | ||
| Occidental. | ||
| But now you've got to even interact with them when you have to have a notary. | ||
| Well, that's what they're saying. | ||
| You've got to take a video I consent to. | ||
| So here's where it gets even screwier. | ||
| There was a real article the other day that was saying, is it physically possible for two people to simultaneously sexual assault each other? | ||
| And they're debating this in a college because they're trying to figure out if two people are both drunk and they get together and they're both sloppy and fucking hammered and they decide to have sex. | ||
| Do they both sexually assault each other? | ||
| Isn't this really about choices that we make? | ||
| Well, it's also about taking responsibility for your actions if you're an adult. | ||
| If you decide to get in your car and you're drunk and you plow into a bus and kill a bunch of people, no one says, oh, Eric was just drunk. | ||
| He is not responsible for his actions. | ||
| You're responsible for your actions if you're drunk, if you're driving a car and you kill somebody. | ||
| But the idea is that if a girl comes over your house and you're drunk and you're not responsible for your actions, especially if you're a girl and you're drunk, you're not responsible for your actions then if you're having sex with a guy. | ||
| But you're definitely responsible for your actions if you're a girl and you get in a car and drive and hit someone. | ||
| But at the same time, though, a girl or anyone should be allowed to be with her friends or with his friends and you get sloppy drunk. | ||
| And you're protected. | ||
| People take care of you. | ||
| It's not okay that somebody decided to go further with it. | ||
| Well, the most egregious case is obviously Cosby because that was his thing. | ||
| I mean, if he did do what everybody's accusing him of doing and we have no reason to think he didn't, He was taking people that thought of him as a mentor and thought that he was going to help their career. | ||
| And that was his hustle. | ||
| And he would just drug them. | ||
| And they'd wake up with their pussy sore and their fucking pants off and not knowing what happened and be super confused. | ||
| It's horrible. | ||
| I mean, that's the worst version of it. | ||
| That's the worst version of it. | ||
| But then it's like, you know... | ||
| This is one of those things that I'm saying. | ||
| It's hard to define. | ||
| There's no real definition. | ||
| You can't put it down in writing to say, this is what this is. | ||
| Because then you've got a situation where you're out on a date with someone. | ||
| Things are going well. | ||
| You think it's going well. | ||
| You get into bed. | ||
| And then that person, for whatever reason, decides, I think we should stop. | ||
| I don't want to do this anymore. | ||
| And that could be... | ||
| That could be on the same level as drugging somebody. | ||
| The Aziz Ansari case. | ||
| Or clubbing them on the head. | ||
| That girl writes that crazy fucking story. | ||
| The 5,000 word story. | ||
| That Aziz Ansari thing is just about him not being a gentleman. | ||
| Right. | ||
| That's all that was. | ||
| Not just that, but she was just grossed out by it and decided to go after him. | ||
| But, you know, I can understand being in a situation, like, you know, people got on the woman because they were like, you know, hey, you still blew him three times, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But I understand that being in a situation where you're like, you're, because this happened to me, all right? | ||
| I was at a comedy club, you know, I told this girl, this was years ago, I told this guy, I said, she was like, I'm coming back to your hotel. | ||
| Like, you know, I said, no, I don't think you should. | ||
| I didn't want to. | ||
| I wasn't like, I wasn't. | ||
| She forced herself on you? | ||
| It wasn't. | ||
| I mean, just explain. | ||
| Imagine if you were a girl. | ||
| That's where it gets really scary. | ||
| Oh, First of all, everything she's saying to me this whole night up to getting to my hotel, if I would have done that to a woman, it's assault, abuse, threatening from the jump. | ||
| You ever heard Ali Wong talk about this? | ||
| I mean, no, but this is what happened. | ||
| So I get, I say to her, I was like, I don't think, I wasn't really into her at the time. | ||
| I was like, I don't know if this is a good idea. | ||
| I think you should go home. | ||
| And then she's like, no, I'll walk you to your hotel. | ||
| Because we were hanging out, everybody's hanging out at this place after the Sunday night show. | ||
| I said, okay. | ||
| We get to the hotel. | ||
| I go, well, thanks for walking me, but I think you should probably, no. | ||
| I'm going to clean your dick with my mouth. | ||
| Yeah, you know, I was like, that's, you know, it's like, I'll give you a massage. | ||
| It was all this kind of stuff. | ||
| I'm like, I think you should go. | ||
| And then my ego kicks in because I'm like, well, you know, all right, you like me like this, okay. | ||
| So we get up, we finally get upstairs. | ||
| I still am like, maybe we shouldn't do this, you know? | ||
| And then she starts to like, oh, it's because you're not into me. | ||
| It's because I'm hideous or whatever. | ||
| So now I felt like, oh, I have to fuck her. | ||
| I felt like, I gotta do this. | ||
| It's like, I had to do this because I don't want to come across like I'm... | ||
| What I'm saying about... | ||
| The reason... | ||
| How I apply this to the Z situation is the fact that this girl is in a situation where she feels like, I guess I have to do this. | ||
| Like... | ||
| I may not want to do it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| We're speculating. | ||
| I've been in a situation where I didn't necessarily want to do it, but I felt like the social pressure of like, well, maybe I have to follow through with what I'm doing right now. | ||
| Yeah, no, I get it. | ||
| Yeah, that's definitely probably happening. | ||
| And then in the morning, I had to fly. | ||
| Well, not even in the morning. | ||
| I said, we're finished. | ||
| And I'm like, I said, hey, you know, you got to go because I got to pack. | ||
| And she started to cry. | ||
| Oh boy. | ||
| And I thought if this was happening now, this could be a situation. | ||
| It could easily be somebody, she could tell her story differently. | ||
| So we don't know. | ||
| That's why there's no rules. | ||
| What this lady did was she was aggressive and flirting and she wanted what she wanted and she got it, you know? | ||
| So that sometimes is okay depending on the person that you're dealing with. | ||
| But that same situation with someone else could be, no, this was horrible. | ||
|
unidentified
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Right. | |
| I felt intimidated. | ||
| It's all in how you interpret it. | ||
| Yeah, it's definitely... | ||
| It depends on who's talking and whether or not you're attracted to each other. | ||
| Here's a perfect example. | ||
| If you and your girlfriend decided to get drunk and your girlfriend was drunk and she called you up and said, come on over. | ||
| I'm horny. | ||
| I want you to fuck me. | ||
| If you went over and did it, you would, in some people's eyes, be guilty of sexual assault because she was drunk and she couldn't consent. | ||
| And this is why I've never done that, by the way. | ||
| One of my ex-girlfriends was like that. | ||
| She wanted to get drunk. | ||
| Really? | ||
| She was like, I just want to have sex when I'm drunk. | ||
| I just couldn't do it. | ||
| Wow, because you were nervous about it? | ||
| It was just me personally. | ||
| I don't drink. | ||
| Oh, you don't drink at all? | ||
| I don't drink at all. | ||
| So I always felt like if I'm not drinking, it just feels like what if she says she wants to do something that she doesn't normally want to do? | ||
| And then she's going to get sober and be like, why did you do that to my butthole? | ||
| Or whatever. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| And you're like, well, but you said... | ||
| Because it'll always come back to, well, you know, I was drunk. | ||
| And I didn't really mean... | ||
| Then I'm like, okay, I don't want to be the choice maker in that situation. | ||
| Well, that's the best thing about not drinking, right? | ||
| In that situation, if you don't drink, you never have to think like that. | ||
| But that's why sometimes I don't want to hang out with people that are like... | ||
| Right. | ||
| Dumb, drunk. | ||
| You're out. | ||
| Then I become responsible? | ||
| Oh, well, it's the worst when you're sober. | ||
| Yeah, it's like, whoa, I don't want to deal with this. | ||
| Because their behavior is so fucking gross. | ||
| Gross! | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, then you see your friend, especially if you have, like, a female friend. | ||
| You're not like that with them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| But then you're out, and then she's, you know, her skirt's coming up, and you see the creepy guy. | ||
| You see the guy and she's like, how are the guy with this? | ||
| And you're like, oh man, what do I do right now? | ||
| Like if I don't stop her from going and then something happens that she doesn't want to happen, what if you do stop her? | ||
| And she's like, you're a fucking hater. | ||
| I love him. | ||
| He's so cute. | ||
| And we are going to have an amazing time. | ||
| And you fucking hate her. | ||
| All this Harvey Weinstein and all this kind of shit, it's set ugly dudes back like 20 years. | ||
| All my advances that I've made with Hot Chicks has just been like, I'm so glad I have a girlfriend during this time. | ||
| But you're not in a position of power. | ||
| Here's the thing. | ||
| It's not about ugly. | ||
| It's about Harvey Weinstein being in control of a studio. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| And scaring all those girls into fucking him and allegedly raping some of them. | ||
| You know? | ||
| I mean, I don't know what he did or didn't do, but he definitely did a lot of shit. | ||
| I just wish that a lot of these people would... | ||
| Maybe now people will have the courage to like... | ||
| Come out. | ||
| Because it sucks to hear about like, you know, this happened to Angelina Jolie. | ||
| And then like, oh, so then she, there was a certain time when she was like, The most famous woman in Hollywood. | ||
| And she didn't say anything. | ||
| Well, they were worried about being blackballed. | ||
| I know, it sucks that we live in a culture. | ||
| So maybe that's why some innocent people are getting caught in the crossfire. | ||
| So we can obliterate this sort of behavior and attitude from our culture. | ||
| But in the meantime, while we're going through this, there's going to be some keelers and there's going to be some people that are going to get caught in the crossfire. | ||
| Did you ever drink? | ||
| No. | ||
| Never? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| I never wanted to. | ||
| When I was in high school, I had friends who would drink and stuff, and I didn't like to taste. | ||
| I had half a beer at a party one time, and I was like, what? | ||
| This is disgusting. | ||
| And then it was, you know what really decided it for me? | ||
| It was like the 1999-2000 New Year's, like going into Y2K. Going into that, I was at a party that I was like, I never want to be like this. | ||
| People were hammered. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Just... | |
| That was a weird one, right? | ||
| Everybody was super drunk on Y2K. They thought it was the end. | ||
| They thought it was the end of the world. | ||
| The power was going to shut off forever. | ||
| Dude, I was taking care of somebody's baby. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| You know, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Because that's what... | ||
| At this party, I had a baby. | ||
| Who the fuck gave you a baby? | ||
| No, I was taking care- because they were drunk! | ||
| Wait a minute. | ||
| I was at a party. | ||
| They got drunk and left you with their baby? | ||
| I had the baby. | ||
| Come on. | ||
| Yeah, it was a crazy party. | ||
| Who the fuck are these people with a baby? | ||
| And the husband, he's- That poor kid is 18 years old now, confused as fuck. | ||
| Eric Griffin was babysitting me back in 2000. Yeah, I was babysitting a baby. | ||
| I'm taking care of people. | ||
| You hear these stories about people die because they're choking on their own vomit. | ||
| So there's people that are passed out like this. | ||
| So I gotta turn people to their side. | ||
| And I said, I never want to be like this. | ||
| You were turning people into holding a baby? | ||
| And holding a baby. | ||
| It was the worst. | ||
| It was a shithole party, man. | ||
| You got invited. | ||
| I got invited. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I went. | |
| These were some of my friends. | ||
| I was the wolf in this shit, dude. | ||
| I was the wolf. | ||
| So if you're having a party and you think it's going to get crazy, you call Eric Griffin and I'm going to come. | ||
| I'm the wolf. | ||
| That's the craziest party I've ever heard of. | ||
| So after that, I knew I didn't want to. | ||
| So I recently, I went with a buddy of mine on vacation, you know? | ||
| And when we went, that deal was, he was like, come on, man, you got to have some drinks. | ||
| So I had like a banana daiquiri on a, you know, and I was like, this is okay. | ||
| And then I had, you know, when you go to like, you're on a resort vacation, there always be like a special at the bar. | ||
| You know, like, hey, have today's drink. | ||
| I said, I'll try it. | ||
| I had like 15% of that thing and I was... | ||
| Loopy. | ||
| Yeah, I was ready to, you know, tweet racist shit. | ||
| So I was like, nah, nah. | ||
| What about weed? | ||
| No weed either. | ||
| Never? | ||
| Never. | ||
| Never. | ||
| My current girlfriend, she loves weed. | ||
| So I tried one time. | ||
| Yeah, did you get nervous? | ||
| Yeah, I was like, I don't like this. | ||
| I was like, how do you, I can't be like this. | ||
| You know, so that's why I do. | ||
| If I didn't have, Joe, if I didn't have comedy. | ||
| What would you do? | ||
| I'd be a crazy person. | ||
| Well, you're a crazy person now. | ||
| You're just calming it down with comedy. | ||
| But you're a good crazy person. | ||
| You're a very nice guy. | ||
| I legit need comedy. | ||
| This sounds like one of those cliche type of things, but I rely on it. | ||
| I go to therapy, you know? | ||
| I go to therapy, and it's been great for me. | ||
| You know, it's really been great. | ||
| I love going to therapy. | ||
| I love, because I feel like I can talk to somebody and then intellectualize things on a level that, like, you can't necessarily do with regular people, and I'm not judged. | ||
| Someone who understands human nature. | ||
| Someone who understands. | ||
| Yes! | ||
| Yes! | ||
| And they can go over why you did this or what was the insecurity that triggered that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Boom! | |
| And I've learned things about myself. | ||
| I was the only child, single mom. | ||
| So there's all these things I've learned about why I interact with my girlfriend the way I do because of my mom and my friendships and why I get angry about certain things. | ||
| It applies to things on stage. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So I'm really, why I have so many of these types of relationships in my life where people are needy. | ||
| I find myself being the one that's trying to help. | ||
| I don't have a lot of equal relationships. | ||
| I learned all these things. | ||
| Well, you probably felt vulnerable as a kid, and when you see vulnerable people, you want to help them because you can relate. | ||
| And my mom, too. | ||
| My mom went through a lot to get to the States. | ||
| She was from Belize, Central America, and just coming here and hearing her stories and having to be somebody to take... | ||
| I was 15 years old having to take care of my mom. | ||
| Her emotions were... | ||
| And so then that had an effect on me. | ||
| But I didn't learn this until I was able to go talk to a professional. | ||
| Are you close to your dad? | ||
| I never met my dad. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Single parent, you never met my dad. | ||
| So thanks for bringing that up. | ||
| I don't know mine either. | ||
| Mine's name is Joe Rogan. | ||
| Shit, he's out there someplace. | ||
| Yeah, he's out there. | ||
| Yeah, I've never met my dad. | ||
| And then I thought people... | ||
| Did you ever want to meet your dad? | ||
| Did you ever... | ||
| See, you know what's funny? | ||
| I mean, I met him. | ||
| I knew him until I was like six. | ||
| Oh, that's worse. | ||
| I never knew. | ||
| So I think that that's... | ||
| If you know him a little bit and then they're gone, that sucks. | ||
| The good thing is it made me realize that you can't count on people, but you can count on some people. | ||
| Then that's trust issues, man! | ||
| That's trust issues right there! | ||
| But become someone that people count on and count on people. | ||
| That's what you do. | ||
| I have a tight group of friends. | ||
| Me and my friends are very close. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I get it. | |
| I would do anything for my friends. | ||
| And family, too. | ||
| See, there's a certain level of loyalty that I have because of that, too. | ||
| Because of that. | ||
| Yeah, well, you understand it. | ||
| Whereas someone who grows up in a big household filled with people and the family was always there and everyone was there, you might take people for granted a little bit. | ||
| Whereas, for me, camaraderie and closeness and all that, that shit means a lot to me. | ||
| It's very, very important. | ||
| I remember asking my mom about my dad when I was like, I don't know, 17, 18. And she got really offended. | ||
| She was like, I raised you! | ||
| And that made me think, I was like, but women have their secrets. | ||
| They have their things. | ||
| And I didn't want her to... | ||
| I don't begrudge her. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You want to pry. | |
| I didn't want to pry, and I didn't want to find out... | ||
| Maybe he wanted to be in my life, but my mom was like, no. | ||
| Who knows? | ||
| She could have been vindictive like that, but I don't know. | ||
| But I didn't hold it against her. | ||
| But she told me his name. | ||
| And she was like, if you want to do this on your own, you know that kind of thing? | ||
| And I had the name for like a week, and then I forgot it. | ||
| And that told me that it didn't matter. | ||
| So ever since, I never worried about it. | ||
| Good for you. | ||
| There's some people that it bothers them for their whole life. | ||
| I'll tell you one thing that'll happen though. | ||
| When you have kids, you're bond with your kids. | ||
| I would assume that everyone's bond with their children is very tight because it's an unbelievable love connection that you have with children. | ||
| Like true unconditional love. | ||
| It's not just true unconditional. | ||
| It's like they're a drug. | ||
| Like, they give you love to the point where, like, my daughter, my youngest, we were playing the other day in the pool, and there was a point in time we were just laughing about something together, just laughing, and I'm looking at her face, and she's laughing, and I felt like I was on drugs. | ||
| I was like, the love that I have for these people, it's so intense. | ||
| It's... | ||
| And it's also, I didn't get that when I was a kid. | ||
| I know exactly what you're saying, man. | ||
| My parents, my mom worked, my stepdad was a really good guy, but no one was ever around. | ||
| And when they were done working, everybody was tired. | ||
| I was a latchkey kid. | ||
| When I was like seven years old, I lived in San Francisco. | ||
| I would go out and do a magic show on Fisherman's Wharf by myself. | ||
| Just wander around the city. | ||
| They would open the door, you'd just leave. | ||
| Seven. | ||
| I can't imagine that. | ||
| I spent a lot of time by myself too because my mom was working and by herself. | ||
| Trying to make sure that I had a good life. | ||
| So I was just by myself. | ||
| Eric, if you have kids with this young lady or another young lady, your connection with that kid will be, it'll blow your fucking mind. | ||
| It'll change who you are. | ||
| I feel like that's what I've been lacking. | ||
| That's why I've been more open to, you know, thinking about these kinds of things. | ||
| You seem like a dad. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm picturing you a dad right now. | ||
| But my whole life I've been like, you know, I've been at that role for so many people in my life. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| You were holding a baby and turning over drunks. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I've been taking care of people my whole life, man. | |
| It's crazy. | ||
| So that's why I always feel like one of my best friends in the world is someone that I've had to take care of. | ||
| He's had a little drinking problem. | ||
| But I've been there the whole time. | ||
| And even though people would be like, you have to let them hit rock bottom. | ||
| But I'm just not like that. | ||
| Yeah, I've been through that too. | ||
| I had a very good friend of mine. | ||
| He's my best friend who died of heroin. | ||
| And he was always fucked up. | ||
| There was always something. | ||
| He had a crack problem for a while, and then he got on pills, and he was either snorting it. | ||
| Artie Lange very much reminds me of this guy, and Joey Diaz did a little bit, too. | ||
| When I first met Joey, it was right after my friend Johnny. | ||
| Well, it was right before Johnny had died. | ||
| Johnny was still alive, but I had known people like Joey because of my friend Johnny. | ||
| You know, it's just I always was there for him. | ||
| I was always trying to take care of him. | ||
| I was always trying to help him, but it was just he was always There was always something going wrong and it never and but there was these brief moments man where he'd be fine and we'd be laughing and we'd have the best time and that's why you fight for it It's those times because I was always I was always thinking that one day he was gonna get it together and I had the same thing with my friend. | ||
| It's still going on with me right now. | ||
| It's like, you know, when you deal with someone that deals with depression, real depression, you know? | ||
| Lost his mother and how that affected his whole life. | ||
| And it's like, so I'm there and he's younger than me. | ||
| So I feel this mentorship and I just feel like a loyalty that I just can't shake. | ||
| And I know when I go to therapy, I want to ask, why am I this way? | ||
| And then I realized that comedy has been dampering my own depressions or my own feelings because I feel like I'm dealing with it in some way. | ||
| So sometimes I go and talk about things and I talk about things in a way I just no holds barred because I want to get this out. | ||
| I feel like this. | ||
| If I don't like something and then combine that with we live in a society right now where people don't want to necessarily hear an opinion that is not theirs. | ||
| Well, there's definitely a little of that, right? | ||
| And so then, therefore, we get this, like, it becomes, it's tougher and tougher to do what we do, but it's not going to stop me from doing it. | ||
| But it's sweeter and sweeter when you pull it off, you know? | ||
| Especially if you pull off some controversial shit. | ||
| You just got to navigate the waters a little bit. | ||
| That's exactly what I feel like I've been doing. | ||
| I think I did it with this special. | ||
| I think I tried to talk about things in a way where I was like, okay, you may not agree, but you don't have to vilify me. | ||
| You know, you don't have to like, you know, you know, but anyway, it all goes back to like, you know, like who we are as people because of like our parents, you know, you know, and it's like I love my mom. | ||
| I love my stepdad. | ||
| Stepdad's a great guy. | ||
| I'm glad he's in my mom's life. | ||
| You know, they're off in Spain right now. | ||
| They moved to Spain like a like I say, like a year and a half ago. | ||
| And so they're there, you know, and I'm happy that she's happy in the later part of her life. | ||
| That's awesome. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, look, man, at the end of the day, it should be just about enjoying this experience. | ||
| Just having time with people you care about and enjoying it. | ||
| And it's hard to figure out what... | ||
| I mean, we're very, very fortunate in a lot of ways. | ||
| But one of the big ones is that you and I found comedy. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Can you imagine? | ||
| I mean, don't you look at other people sometimes and go, how the fuck do they live without telling jokes? | ||
| Dude. | ||
| How do they live without killing? | ||
| Dude. | ||
| When I see some bullshit happen on TV, I go, that guy needs to go do an open mic set. | ||
| You know, you need to go get that out, man. | ||
| Go get that out. | ||
| Well, you know that feeling that you get, like, Friday night in the OR, you just smash! | ||
| And you get off stage, you're like, tell me there's a better feeling out there. | ||
| Because whatever I was feeling, it all goes away. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But that's why I feel like I do think, though, that sometimes we're putting a damper on it, and it doesn't necessarily go away, but we've found another outlet to get it out. | ||
| Well, you just got a little happy pill. | ||
| It's intoxicating, man. | ||
| You're taking a little happy pill. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But, you know, there's happiness in all sorts of things that you enjoy doing. | ||
| I try to fill my life up with activities that I enjoy doing. | ||
| But family's a big one, too, man. | ||
| Family is... | ||
| It's a different thing, man. | ||
| It changes you. | ||
| I have all daughters. | ||
| My house is so feminine. | ||
| Everything's female. | ||
| I mean, I talked about it on my special, about the Bruce Jenner thing, about my last special, the one before this one. | ||
| It's just that if you live with crazy bitches long enough, eventually you become one. | ||
| But it's like... | ||
|
unidentified
|
I am becoming more in touch. | |
| You're the more feminine version of yourself? | ||
| Oh my god, I'm so much more feminine than I've ever been, ever. | ||
| So much more in tune with how girls think, so much more tolerant of nonsense talk. | ||
| Because when your kids are talking nonsense talk, it's just different. | ||
| But you realize, if I'm around women when they're talking together and I'm an observer and I watch them, they just talk about different shit, man. | ||
| As we've just talked about different shit for like two hours. | ||
| Yeah, but if you like try to interject and go, hey, hey, hey, did you guys see that bare knuckle boxing fight? | ||
| That was fucking awesome. | ||
| Like, ugh, let's get away from this idiot. | ||
| Like for them, what you're interested in is stupid. | ||
| And for them, you know, they want to talk about whatever the fuck they want to talk about that they're into at the moment, whether it's shoes or the royal wedding or whatever the fuck it is. | ||
| Relationships have been in a relationship for this long now has taught me patience. | ||
| Patience. | ||
| It's taught me patience. | ||
| It's taught me that to accept the double standard, that things aren't supposed to necessarily be equal, that they're supposed to be... | ||
| I always think that it's like one of those scales, you know? | ||
| And you put stuff in the scale on this side, and she puts different things, but that's how you balance out. | ||
| But they don't have to be the same thing. | ||
| You know? | ||
| People don't give love in the same way. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| So you shouldn't expect it to be the way you give it. | ||
| But that becomes a problem. | ||
| You know? | ||
| That becomes a problem. | ||
| I had a girlfriend once that she didn't express love in a way that was like hugging and she didn't want to do it that way. | ||
| She wasn't affectionate? | ||
| She wasn't affectionate. | ||
| She was like, she'd buy me a TV or something. | ||
| You know? | ||
| That's so weird. | ||
| And I understood, though, because it was because her family wasn't like that. | ||
| Her family wasn't hugging. | ||
| They weren't hugging people, but I was. | ||
| Do you feel sad for people like that? | ||
| Yes, I do. | ||
| Because we need human interaction. | ||
| We need the connection. | ||
| We need to feel. | ||
| We need to feel that. | ||
| And we also need smiles. | ||
| We need smiles from people. | ||
| I always tell my girlfriend, you're the most beautiful when you're just happy and smiling. | ||
| Because the moment she isn't, it's like, what did I do? | ||
| That's half of her relationship. | ||
| I know! | ||
| Just wondering what you did and wondering if she's mad. | ||
| Is she mad when I do? | ||
| How about this? | ||
| I know she's mad. | ||
| What did I do? | ||
| Or what did she think I did? | ||
| Preemptive. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Like, if I do that, will she get mad? | ||
| Oh my god! | ||
| How do I know? | ||
| It's like a... | ||
| It's like a DaVinci code, man. | ||
| We're just trying to figure out. | ||
| That's what I'm learning with her. | ||
| But I remember I was with a girl that I was dating at the time. | ||
| I was in my 20s. | ||
| I was very young at the time. | ||
| And I was with a couple of my buddies. | ||
| And we were talking. | ||
| And this guy was bringing up that this guy was having some crazy problem with his girlfriend. | ||
| And I said, oh, yeah. | ||
| I go, she's... | ||
| I go, she's crazy. | ||
| Em, here's the problem. | ||
| He don't want to get rid of her because she's fucking hot. | ||
| And I go, she's like, what was that girl from Real Housewives? | ||
| Not Real Housewives. | ||
| Desperate Housewives. | ||
| Terry... | ||
| What? | ||
| Terry Hatcher. | ||
| Terry Hatcher. | ||
| This was back, like, she was in one of those fucking movies, one of those summer movies way back in the day. | ||
| You know, Terry Hatcher's a few years older than me. | ||
| So this was like, well, I'm talking, this conversation took place in the 90s. | ||
| So I think the way I described it then, I said, like, a young Terry Hatcher. | ||
| And this girl got so mad at me. | ||
| She got so mad at me that I used Terry Hatcher, a young Terry Hatcher, to describe beauty. | ||
| And I remember sitting there going, what? | ||
| You're such an asshole. | ||
| And I'm like, what did I do? | ||
| I was talking about this guy's got a girlfriend who's hot. | ||
| She's hot like a young Terry Hatcher. | ||
| There she is. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Dude, she was stupid hot. | ||
| Like, confusing hot. | ||
| But she was in, like, some movie where I forget... | ||
| What the fuck the premise of the movie was, but there was a guy in the movie that couldn't deal with the fact that she was so hot and confused. | ||
| Anyway, my point is, I didn't get it. | ||
| I was like, what did I do wrong? | ||
| Of course. | ||
| She was mad that I didn't use her as an example of someone really hot. | ||
| Oh, God. | ||
| But she was mad. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| Sometimes I know now. | ||
| See, here's a problem. | ||
| As comics, we like to think in logical ways, but we also like to analyze things. | ||
| So she asks, if I feel ugly, you have to know at that moment, oh, is she fishing for me to say compliments? | ||
| Or if she just woke up and Sometimes you have to just be like, oh, you look so great today. | ||
| I think you've got to preemptively just throw those in there. | ||
| Just fucking decorate the plate with parsley. | ||
| And here's the thing, though. | ||
| And you know what's weird? | ||
|
unidentified
|
She knows you don't believe it at this particular time. | |
| You don't think she's beautiful? | ||
| No, no, no, no, no. | ||
| Don't say it on the air. | ||
| You fucked up, dude. | ||
| No, I'm saying she's going to know now. | ||
| I heard you on the podcast with Joe Rogan. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, I'm talking about... | |
| Don't fucking bullshit me. | ||
| I think they know when they just need it. | ||
| And they know you know. | ||
| They want you to know that they just need this right now. | ||
| Whether you want to or not. | ||
| They just know. | ||
| They know that. | ||
| And then that's what they're really connected to. | ||
| Oh, he's doing that thing for me. | ||
| That's all that it is. | ||
| Do this for me. | ||
| And some girls don't need that shit at all. | ||
| Some girls just don't need it. | ||
| They're like, hey, save that stupid shit. | ||
| Those are the ones that need something else. | ||
| Those girls are like, you save that. | ||
| You save that and get that dick ready. | ||
| Yeah, it's been, you know, dating a girl in her 20s is, you know, that's why I had to start doing boxing because I'm not 15. Right, you gotta get fit. | ||
| Yeah, I gotta like, you know, I'm like, the things I have to do, I have to like work magic, you know what I mean? | ||
| Yeah, man, because in a few years... | ||
| I mean, that's the thing. | ||
| There's a definite deterioration of your physical being as you get into your 40s. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| If you don't keep up. | ||
| The thing is, though, if you keep up. | ||
| No, I'm not. | ||
| Look at me. | ||
| I'm a comfortable, fun, cuddly guy, but I got to get there. | ||
| I put on weights. | ||
| I walk by a donut shop and I'll gain like two pounds. | ||
| What do you eat? | ||
| I just eat horrible. | ||
| You eat horrible? | ||
| Yeah, that's the thing. | ||
| Yeah, so your diet's not good. | ||
| I gotta get that dieting gear. | ||
| But I don't mind eating well, though. | ||
| My problem is this. | ||
| If it's in front of my plate, if it's on my plate, I'll eat it. | ||
| So I have to... | ||
| Cut down on what's on my plate. | ||
| Well, when I met you, you were thinner. | ||
| Yeah, but my weight has always fluctuated. | ||
| You know why? | ||
| I remember this. | ||
| I'll never forget this. | ||
| Our good friend, Ari Shafir, I'm in the hallway at the comedy store. | ||
| I just got back from the Middle East, so I was eating like a fucking Arab prince over there. | ||
| Just a fat fuck when I came back. | ||
| I'm in mid-conversation with Ari, and in conversation, he leans over and he grabs my cheek and I'm talking about... | ||
| He grabs my cheek and he goes like this. | ||
| He squeezes it and he goes, hey, what's going on? | ||
| Let me tell you something. | ||
| Let me tell you something. | ||
| I went to the gym the next day, and I signed up with a personal trainer. | ||
| Like, that next day, because the way he did it, I was like, oh shit, it was like I forgot. | ||
| So I had to just get back to it. | ||
| I'd just been comfortable. | ||
| Well, he's a comic. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, he saw vulnerability. | ||
| Oh, yeah, yeah, and he attacked it like the devil that he is. | ||
| Yeah, just hire a trainer. | ||
| But the thing is, man... | ||
| I'm doing the boxing, man. | ||
| I just started the boxing. | ||
| You can get someone to do meal plans for you. | ||
| I know. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's the next thing. | |
| There's a bunch of those companies that'll make you healthy meals. | ||
| Just send them. | ||
| Yeah, you keep them in the fridge. | ||
| See, I want to just do it. | ||
| I know I can. | ||
| Because I've done it before. | ||
|
unidentified
|
On your own? | |
| Yeah, I was vegan for a year. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Because I did it. | ||
| Oh my God, I was... | ||
| Crazy, but you know what messed me up? | ||
| At the end of the year, I did that master cleanse. | ||
| What's a master cleanse? | ||
| Remember the master cleanse with cayenne pepper and a maple syrup? | ||
| That's all you ate for a week? | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Okay, that shit. | ||
| I did it for, you're supposed to do it for 10 days. | ||
| I got to day five. | ||
| Then the two days of, you had to let your body get used to having salad and soup, and then I had a fat burger. | ||
| I went from not eating meat for a year. | ||
| But you know what I learned from being vegan for a year? | ||
| Is that the meat is not necessarily the main course. | ||
| It's just a side dish with everything else. | ||
| So if you have a good thing of broccoli, a good thing of corn, a good thing of mushrooms, and then you have a good thing of steak. | ||
| You don't have to have the steak. | ||
| You can have some great side dishes. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Well, there's a lot of people that eat carnivore diet now. | ||
| There's a lot of people that are eating just meat. | ||
| Very interesting. | ||
| I think it's losing a lot of weight. | ||
| Isn't it all about moderation, man? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| You don't even know? | ||
| It's different for different people. | ||
| But you work out. | ||
| You're a workout guy. | ||
| I work out a lot. | ||
| You got monkey bars out there. | ||
| I've been working out twice a day. | ||
| Well, there you go. | ||
| My main thing is one hard workout a day and one less hard workout a day. | ||
| Now, if you think if you didn't do that, that you'd physically change? | ||
| Yeah, I would diminish. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| Because when I take time off, if I take time off, I notice diminishing. | ||
| But also, let's say... | ||
| A proper average health or even above average health is here. | ||
| Maybe what you're doing brings you up here. | ||
| So that diminishing you're talking about is just going to bring you to a more average normal level but still in great shape. | ||
| Maybe you're overdoing it. | ||
| I'm just wondering. | ||
| I'm asking actually. | ||
| I'm definitely not overdoing it because I monitor everything. | ||
| I'm making sure that my... | ||
| Health is good and my body's in good shape. | ||
| But I just know that if you don't use it, you lose it. | ||
| There's just a fact to that. | ||
| And when I say a workout twice a day, what it means is usually I'll do yoga during the day and then at night I'll lift some weights. | ||
| Or I'll run the hills and then at night I'll lift some weights. | ||
| You're not doing a Navy SEAL workout twice a day. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| One of the workouts is pretty calm. | ||
| The weightlifting workouts are almost always pretty calm. | ||
| Unless I'm doing a cardio kettlebell workout or something intense. | ||
| At this gym, you could do the boxing. | ||
| And then on other days, you can do weight training, active weights, and that kind of stuff. | ||
| So I'm going to start doing that one, too. | ||
| I bet a big thing with you is just what you're eating. | ||
| Bro, the animal cookies, the circus animal cookies I have in my kitchen right now, it's not good. | ||
| But they come in these little packs. | ||
| But I have a pack of 50. So every time I have one, I think, well, I'm only having it. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| You know, so I have to, I love to eat. | ||
| I do too. | ||
| But the way it goes on me so fast, it's so annoying that it just sits in my gut area. | ||
| Especially as you get older. | ||
| I'm shaped like an ostrich. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| I'm big in the middle with little legs. | ||
| It's harder and harder as you get older. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know! | |
| That's what's happening right now. | ||
| I gotta stop. | ||
| That's why you gotta keep up. | ||
| That's the whole thing. | ||
| I know, man. | ||
| You gotta maintain. | ||
| Like I work on my comedy, I have to work on my physical at the same time. | ||
| You'll feel better. | ||
| I wanna feel better. | ||
| You'll have way more energy. | ||
| Cut out the sugar. | ||
| Cut out the greens. | ||
| Here we go with the sugar. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| Cut out sugar and grains, you lose 30 pounds. | ||
| Cut out everything that is delicious. | ||
| Just eat salads and fish. | ||
| Eat healthy. | ||
| Have some red meat, but in moderation. | ||
| Don't eat crazy. | ||
| I'm all about that. | ||
| Don't eat fries. | ||
| A lot of chicken. | ||
| No fries? | ||
| Drink a lot of water. | ||
| Yeah, fries are bullshit. | ||
| It's mostly just potatoes and oil. | ||
| You know, what are you getting out of that, really? | ||
| When's the last time you had some fries? | ||
| The other day. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| You know what you get out of it. | ||
| They're delicious. | ||
| Yeah, but you just can't have it all the time. | ||
| I know, that's the thing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I had some pasta the other night. | |
| Moderate, that's what I'm saying. | ||
| It's all moderation, man. | ||
| Saturday night I ate at a nice Italian restaurant. | ||
| Oh, I had some pasta last night. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Spaghetti with some fucking marinara sauce and some shrimp. | |
| It was delicious. | ||
| We just had the same meal. | ||
| I had that last night. | ||
| Yeah, every now and then. | ||
| Some Trump Duvalo or whatever you say it. | ||
| Diablo. | ||
| Diablo. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The devil. | |
| The devil's in the details. | ||
| The devil's food. | ||
| Yeah, I like it. | ||
| It tastes good, but I just don't allow myself to do it very often. | ||
| Most of the time, I eat real clean. | ||
| Good for you. | ||
| I'm trying to get there, buddy. | ||
| You could do it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know. | |
| Okay, don't get defensive. | ||
| No, I'm saying I've done it. | ||
| I'm in your corner. | ||
| You're all angry. | ||
| See how angry he is, Jay? | ||
| I'm mad at me because I know I should be doing this. | ||
| You're ready to run out of here and go right to the gym, aren't you? | ||
| I'm not even going to leave the building. | ||
| You don't have to. | ||
| Just go right over there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's what I'm saying. | |
| You don't even have to leave the building. | ||
| There's plenty of equipment. | ||
| We could work out side by side. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know. | |
| I should have brought my stuff. | ||
| I got stuff for you. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| This is me trying to get out of it already. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| I didn't bring my... | ||
| Joe, I got my shoes. | ||
| I had to bring my orthopedics. | ||
| I think for comics, it's important to alleviate a certain amount of angst. | ||
| You want to go on stage with a certain amount where you're upset and you're pissed off at shit, but you don't want to go upset on stage hating yourself. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I don't like comics that go on stage drunk. | ||
| I don't like how they need this alcohol or people that think weed. | ||
| I'm not saying weed makes you lazy, but lazy people shouldn't smoke weed. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I know what you're saying. | ||
| Well, as a person who smokes weed, it really bothers me because I'm not lazy at all. | ||
| And I hate that connection between lazy people and weed because I don't think that's what makes you lazy. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| I agree. | ||
| That's why I'm saying it makes you lazy. | ||
| No. | ||
| But if you're already lazy and then you do this, it's not going to be a winning combination. | ||
| It's not just that. | ||
| It just looks bad. | ||
| And you blame it on the Look at J.R. Smith. | ||
| I think that was a weed situation. | ||
| Who's J.R. Smith? | ||
| Oh, you don't even know. | ||
| He don't even know. | ||
| He jumps in to press the microphone. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know that guy. | |
| I know that guy. | ||
| I know what we're talking about. | ||
| That's the game. | ||
| Cleveland Cavaliers. | ||
| He did something really stupid. | ||
| It was like... | ||
| It was like three, four seconds left. | ||
| Their tie ball game. | ||
| One of their other guys is at the free throw line. | ||
| He misses the free throw. | ||
| J.R. Smith grabs the ball. | ||
| Instead of putting it up to win the game, he dribbles out because he thought that they were up. | ||
| And the look on his face was like that, kind of like, I've seen this high look before. | ||
| I'm not saying he was on weed, but I've heard stories that he smokes a lot of weed. | ||
| And I'm saying those weed people out there, there's an example of it. | ||
| There are brilliant people that smoke weed. | ||
| There are successful... | ||
| Look at LeBron! | ||
| That's the look LeBron had on his face. | ||
| What the fuck, man? | ||
| What are you doing? | ||
| First of all, how jacked is LeBron? | ||
| Look at those fucking shoulders. | ||
| Dude, 6'9", 250, probably 6% body fat. | ||
| Look at the shoulders on that guy. | ||
| 33 years old, too. | ||
| And he's getting better. | ||
| Yeah, it's unbelievable. | ||
| His shoulders are fucking epic. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| There's another picture of him straight on where he literally looks like an Avenger. | ||
| Like he could be some sort of like... | ||
| Keep him the fuck away from Jeff Nowitzki. | ||
| Look at that picture of them right there, that one where J.R. Smith is smiling. | ||
| Dude, he is jacked. | ||
| Oh, yeah, he's high as fuck. | ||
| Ha ha! | ||
|
unidentified
|
100%. | |
| Oh, that's a high guy. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| Stoners understand other stoners. | ||
| I think that he had a little brain slip. | ||
| I guarantee he did. | ||
| You know, when people were paying you $17 million? | ||
| Or they paid him off to try to drag it into seven games. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's what Jamie thinks. | |
| Oh, my God. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look at him. | |
| Oh, he's high as fuck. | ||
| Here you guys go. | ||
| Boom! | ||
| That's him! | ||
| Yeah, but there's plenty of pictures of me that look like that, too, where I'm sober. | ||
| They catch you. | ||
| They catch you blinking. | ||
| You could just look up J.R. Smith High, and I'm sure there's a website. | ||
| So he smokes a lot of weed. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Oh, yeah, there he is. | ||
| You're smoking weed. | ||
| Well, there you go. | ||
| Well, doesn't it, like one of those things, the NBA has it in their contract where they don't test for weed? | ||
| They do test, but it's not as stringent as everywhere. | ||
| They test for weed? | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| But these guys are all getting high. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Here's the thing. | ||
| For pool, I told you I play pool. | ||
| Marijuana is a performance-enhancing drug. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| It makes my game 10% better. | ||
| I don't believe you. | ||
| You don't have to. | ||
| I'm telling you. | ||
| We does not make your pool game better! | ||
| It does. | ||
| It makes you more sensitive. | ||
| Trust me. | ||
| It's the reason why basketball players find it better, too. | ||
| It puts them into some sort of a zone. | ||
| Now, are you saying that LeBron James needs weed? | ||
| No. | ||
| There's a lot of pro pool players who are top of the food chain who don't do anything. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| But a lot of guys who like it say that weed bumps their game up quite a bit. | ||
| And I'm one of them. | ||
| It makes me play better. | ||
| I'm telling you. | ||
| You don't know because you don't smoke weed. | ||
| You need to experiment. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| I want to experiment. | ||
| I want you to play. | ||
| Do you play? | ||
| You're going to play pool. | ||
| Do you play? | ||
| No. | ||
| You're going to play pool sober. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| And then you're going to see your results. | ||
| And then... | ||
| See, the problem is, if I play pool sober, and then I smoke pot and get high, I will have been warmed up by the playing pool sober, and I'll definitely play better high anyway. | ||
| Separate days. | ||
| But the problem with separate days is, your body has to be perfectly in tune in order to get real accurate results, because one day I could have lifted weights, which fucks up your pool game like nothing. | ||
| Here we go. | ||
| I'm telling you. | ||
| Just being honest with you. | ||
| All my best games, I was medicated. | ||
| Matt Barnes on his game day use of marijuana. | ||
| Matt Barnes, who will not be in the Hall of Fame. | ||
| Is he a good player? | ||
| He's alright. | ||
| He's just alright. | ||
| He's a role player. | ||
| I want Michael Jordan to come out and say that. | ||
| Then I'm going to be like, oh wow. | ||
| I want someone like that. | ||
| Don't tell me about the role players. | ||
| Well, see, you're saying this, though, as a guy who doesn't smoke pot. | ||
| But I'm telling you, for jujitsu, it's a huge part of the jujitsu world. | ||
| A lot of people get high and then do jujitsu. | ||
| And they say it makes their game better. | ||
| What's the practical use of jujitsu? | ||
| Well, if you and I were in a fight, that would kill you. | ||
| That's practical. | ||
| I think you would kill me anyway, Joe. | ||
| Yeah, but that would be the practical. | ||
| Okay, so it's just for that moment, but at any other time. | ||
| No, no, it's not just that. | ||
| Would you want to be high if you were walking to your car late at night and then three guys came at you? | ||
| Let me ask you, what's the perfect circumstance then? | ||
| It's late at night, you're headed to your car. | ||
| I don't think you understand marijuana at all. | ||
| I'm just saying, would you want to... | ||
| What would you prefer? | ||
| Would you prefer to be sober or high? | ||
| I'd be fine with that. | ||
| You'd be fine with either one. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Okay, good then. | ||
| Depends. | ||
| I mean, I'm not going to be able to do anything different if I'm sober or high. | ||
| We're not talking about drunk. | ||
| Now, if you said, would I want to be drunk or sober, fuck yeah, I'd want to be sober. | ||
| Oh, no, I'm not. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| If I'm worried about getting hit and I'm not sure about reaction time. | ||
| One of the things about pot is it makes you a little bit paranoid, so it puts you on edge. | ||
| It makes you aware of shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| The other thing is it focuses you very cleanly on what you're doing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
There's a lot of potheads out here just really happy. | |
| If you're drawing or music or something along those lines where you're really trying to focus, like writing, a lot of people really like it for those things because it makes you really focus on what you're doing. | ||
| Tunnel vision. | ||
| But then I think what happens then is that whatever they were doing on that, they don't apply it to... | ||
| Because I have a lot of... | ||
| We both have a lot of pothead comedian friends. | ||
| Yeah, but... | ||
| And there's some of them I know that when I started with them, I know that they're not doing what they're doing now. | ||
| They didn't keep going, exceed their expectations, and I know part of it was because of the pot. | ||
| I don't think it is. | ||
| I think the pot is just something they can use as an excuse. | ||
| It's not. | ||
| The common denominator is no work ethic. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Agreed. | |
| The common denominator is... | ||
| And it didn't help the work ethic. | ||
| I don't think it hurts or helps. | ||
| I think it's just... | ||
| It's a factor... | ||
| You see a study on this. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, the study would be skewed because a lot of failures that get high all the time would be in the study. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But a lot of winners that get high all the time don't want to talk about it. | ||
| And I... By the way, I'm with you 100% on this. | ||
| What I hate is that the people that don't have any work ethic, they look at somebody with a work ethic that smokes weed and then say, well look, they made it because they smoke weed. | ||
| And I'm like, no, they would have made it without the weed. | ||
| Yeah, they would have made it without the weed. | ||
| That's what I'm saying. | ||
| Before I ever smoked weed. | ||
| I was already on television. | ||
| I already had a Warner Brothers CD. I didn't start smoking weed until like 2000. Listen, I'm not anti-weed, but I just think that with anything there should be moderation. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| No, I agree. | ||
| One of the best things I did last year was Ari and Tom Segura and Burt Kreischer and I, we did this Sober October thing. | ||
| Where for a whole month, no booze, no pot, and we had to do 15 hot yoga classes in the month. | ||
| And I learned a lot in that month. | ||
| I really did. | ||
| Are you a different person because of it? | ||
| No, it was good. | ||
| You gotta get out of here. | ||
| Yeah, no, I have another. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| It's already 2.20, bro. | ||
| Yeah, I'm doing another one. | ||
| What are you doing? | ||
| I'm going to see Barry Katz, if you can believe that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, congratulations. | |
| Barry Katz is a podcast. | ||
| That's going to be an interesting day for me. | ||
| What was we just... | ||
| About the pot. | ||
| I forgot what I was going to say. | ||
| Stoner thought. | ||
| No, it's not whether or not you smoke pot. | ||
| It's whether or not you get things done. | ||
| Whether or not you write out what you're supposed to do, whether or not you actually try to achieve goals, whether or not you're actively trying to improve whatever you're doing, whether you build cars or make cabinetry, it's just about whether or not you're working towards Succeeding and improving. | ||
| Listen, I agree with you. | ||
| I'm not anti-pot. | ||
| I'm not. | ||
| I agree with you. | ||
| Based on evidence of the people that are around a lot of us, we should be anti-pot. | ||
| I should be anti-pot. | ||
| Dude, I know a lot of people that made me sad. | ||
| I'd run into them at the comedy store and they'd be like, bro, you got any weed on you, man? | ||
| And I'd be like, you're not doing anything! | ||
| You're not doing anything with your life and you want some weed. | ||
| Go get a job. | ||
| Get some money. | ||
| Get some weed, yeah. | ||
| But then you also see guys like Ari, who get high all the time and they're constantly working. | ||
| Or Doug Benson, who's like the most functional pothead I've ever met in my life. | ||
| He's high all day. | ||
| He's a weird one. | ||
| Or Snoop Dogg. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So there are people, but these are people that are the exceptions, not the rule. | ||
| I wonder. | ||
| There's a lot of people on Wall Street that get high. | ||
| There's a lot of people that are involved in, like, the tech world that get high a lot. | ||
| And what people think about it is that, look, it's like everything else, man. | ||
| It can be good for you, or it could fuck your world up. | ||
| You know, I mean... | ||
| I think there's some benefit to it. | ||
| And what the benefit is, vulnerability, creativity. | ||
| It makes you feel vulnerable. | ||
| It makes you re-examine things. | ||
| It makes you look at me. | ||
| People call it paranoia. | ||
| I just think it broadens your awareness. | ||
| I think as a stand-up, you already have a level of vulnerability just going on stage and talking about things. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| So that's like my... | ||
| For sure, there's some of that. | ||
| I just feel like that's my drug. | ||
| It's a good drug. | ||
| I mean, it's definitely not one that's going to ruin your life, hopefully. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Unless you tell a bad Planet of the Apes joke on Twitter. | ||
| On that Aryan Ambien, you know what I mean? | ||
| Aryan Ambien! | ||
| She got that old school Ambien. | ||
| She got that Ambien from the motherland. | ||
| I hope she bounces back, but I don't know if she will. | ||
| Has anybody bounced back from this new era of fucking hate and anger? | ||
| No one has bounced back. | ||
| Well, I don't think Aziz wasn't taken out. | ||
| I don't think his show was canceled or anything like that. | ||
| No, he didn't have a show except the Netflix show, and he didn't do anything to the point where it was like a crime, but a lot of people went after him, like that Samantha Bee lady went after him. | ||
| Oh, she's going hard at everybody. | ||
| Yeah, she's going hard at everybody. | ||
| That's her thing. | ||
| Yeah, that's her thing. | ||
| It becomes a shtick at a certain point. | ||
| It loses credibility. | ||
| Sort of. | ||
| She means it. | ||
| Yeah, she means well. | ||
| It's important to voice. | ||
| The problem with going hard on a person is you're only getting one version of what happened. | ||
| We're not talking about going hard on a person who committed a crime. | ||
| You're going hard on a person that's involved in an interaction with two people. | ||
| What I would like to see, though, is someone like Samantha Bee to ask Aziz to come on her show. | ||
| Oh, he wouldn't do that. | ||
| And then him do it. | ||
| No, but that's what I'm saying. | ||
| That's what we're missing. | ||
| Well, why would he do that? | ||
| Because she's already attacked him. | ||
| It's all entertainment. | ||
| I mean, isn't that the whole point of it? | ||
| It probably hurts for him. | ||
| Well, unless he can handle himself in that forum, I would like to see that. | ||
| See, even that, I think those forums are hard to do. | ||
| You know, I did Ben Shapiro's podcast that just aired yesterday, and he has this Sunday special thing that he does, and it's an hour long, and every 15 minutes he stops the conversation and does a commercial. | ||
| And while I was sitting there doing it, I was like, I really like the guy, I really like talking to him, brilliant guy, but this is not the best way to stay loose and have a conversation. | ||
| Oh, I got you, I get you. | ||
| This is the best format, man. | ||
| The kind of conversations that we've had over the past three hours, this is the best format. | ||
| Because you just talk. | ||
| Nothing interrupts you. | ||
| There's no sensors. | ||
| Yeah, there's no thing you have ahead of time. | ||
| Please don't talk about this. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And also, it's best with friends. | ||
| You know I care about you. | ||
| You know I'm your friend. | ||
| You know we're going to have fun, and I'm not looking to get you or be weird. | ||
| Gotcha, gotcha podcast. | ||
| I'm trying to have fun with you, and we had fun. | ||
| This is like the best format to get to understand people. | ||
| I think what we're missing today in this world, and this is just An open thought. | ||
| People need more opportunities to be cool with each other and take advantage of less opportunities to attack each other. | ||
| And I see a lot of attacking lately. | ||
| And I don't know if the attacking is because there have been so many egregious crimes that need to be corrected like Harvey Weinstein or like, you know, fill in the blank with all the other monsters that have been out there. | ||
| It's late. | ||
| Don't people keep texting you? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| In your phones. | ||
| On your watch. | ||
| That is weird. | ||
| It's different colors all the time. | ||
| It's always changing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hit that X. What happens when you hit that X? You hit the X and then it just goes to whatever else. | |
| I think somebody's listening to our podcast right now and somebody texted my girlfriend and she's like, she just sent me a text message right now. | ||
| You better not be married. | ||
| I don't know what that means. | ||
| But anyway, my point is, I'm hoping that it all balances out. | ||
| I hope that it comes back around and people just understand the value and just be nice to each other. | ||
| Well, I mean, we just have to lead by example is all it is. | ||
| It's a hard thing. | ||
| We have to lead by example. | ||
| And that's why I'm saying these issues that men, as a man, what we're having out here is we forgot how to be gentlemen. | ||
| I think that if, like, say in the Z situation, if he had just been a gentleman... | ||
| I don't know what he did. | ||
| I don't know if he had been in that situation. | ||
| I'm not comfortable you saying it. | ||
| Obviously, when I read the story, it was just, he was trying to get with her. | ||
| You know, they were texting back and forth, and it was like, yo, yo, yo, they went to dinner, they ended up at his place, and it was, you know, it was like, maybe you don't bring a chick that you barely know to your place now. | ||
| Maybe there should be different types of etiquette. | ||
| Yeah, for sure, right? | ||
| It just turns into that. | ||
| But if you're a guy like that, I mean, you know... | ||
| Have you heard Tony talk about that? | ||
| Women are throwing themselves at you all the time. | ||
| What are you supposed to do? | ||
| Act like a gentleman is what I'm saying. | ||
| Gotta fucking use a good filter. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That shouldn't be the excuse. | |
| The excuse shouldn't be as like, you know, that's like a man way to say it, too. | ||
| It'd be like, you know, you got all these hot chicks. | ||
| Like, you know, what am I supposed to say no to these hot chicks? | ||
| Yeah, maybe you should. | ||
| Wow, look at you. | ||
| Being all judgmental. | ||
| Here's the guy who had the girl come back to his place. | ||
| You can say no to her. | ||
| I should have. | ||
| That's my whole point. | ||
| I should have. | ||
| I should have stopped it. | ||
| But I let my own ego get in the way. | ||
| I let my own insecurity of being like, well, this girl really is into me, so let me go through. | ||
| Hey, hey. | ||
| Just because you can doesn't mean you should. | ||
| Let's end it with that. | ||
| I think we should. | ||
| And when is your special? | ||
| June 8th on Showtime, 10 p.m. | ||
| That's this weekend. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Friday. | |
| Friday night. | ||
| June 8th, Friday night. | ||
| But I'll also be at the Irvine Improv on Friday. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| All weekend I'll be at Irvine. | ||
| Damn. | ||
| So if you want to come see me there. | ||
| And then Showtime, I'm Dying Up Here is airing right now on Showtime. | ||
| Episode 6 will be next Sunday. | ||
| Beautiful. | ||
| So check me out. | ||
| At Eric Griffin. | ||
| I love you. | ||
| Beautiful. | ||
| Thank you, brother. | ||
| Appreciate being on, man. | ||
| That was fun. | ||
| I enjoyed this. | ||
| Thanks for having me. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| I really appreciate it. | ||
| We'll do it again. | ||
| Let's do it again. | ||
| You should do your own. | ||
| I will. | ||
| You'll be on it, right? | ||
| I'll be on it. | ||
| You'll be my first guest on the Eric Griffin Podcast. |
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