May 8, 2018 - The Joe Rogan Experience
03:06:35
Participants
| 
| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
| Five, four, three, two, one. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hey, fella. | |
| Hey! | ||
| What's going on? | ||
| Not much. | ||
| How are you? | ||
| I'm good. | ||
| How are you? | ||
| I'm great. | ||
| Wonderful! | ||
|
unidentified
|
We're a little fucking high right now, but we're gonna get through it. | |
| I'm so bummed. | ||
| I was thinking about going to Hawaii the other day, and then this volcano happened. | ||
| I'm like, of all the times. | ||
| Dude, I was there. | ||
| Oh, you were there when it happened? | ||
| I was in Lanai. | ||
| I was on one of the other islands. | ||
| Did you feel the earthquake? | ||
| No, I didn't feel it. | ||
| It's, you know, it's separated by quite a lot. | ||
| There's a lot of water in the way. | ||
| The big earthquake happened actually after the plane took off. | ||
| So we were in the air when the big one hit. | ||
| Yeah, which it's apparently a big one, like a 5-9? | ||
| I think it was even more than that. | ||
| Was it? | ||
| Six? | ||
| Oh, right. | ||
| They had a big one and then they had a fucking really big one. | ||
| 5-9's big. | ||
| I think the way it works... | ||
| I'm sure someone will correct me here. | ||
| I think the way it works is a 5-6 is like really powerful, but a 5-7 is twice as powerful. | ||
| Then a 5-8 is twice as powerful as that. | ||
| So when you get up to 7, like that's some world-changing shit. | ||
| It's actually 6.9. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| That's insane. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Can you imagine being on the... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh my god. | |
| Is that powerful? | ||
| That's so big. | ||
| That's such a big earthquake, man. | ||
| Did you see the, um... | ||
| I put it up. | ||
| It's so funny. | ||
| Dude, you put up anything that's from CNN? And people, why don't you put it up from a verifiable source? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Not CNN. CNN's bullshit. | |
| It's a video, you fucking asshole. | ||
| It's a video of lava eating a car. | ||
| Yeah, it must be. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What do you think? | |
| CNN faked it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'd like to see conclusive evidence that CNN's not full of shit and then I'll go to their website. | |
| Stupid. | ||
| Dude, people are so goofy. | ||
| They're so goofy with this fake news shit. | ||
| It's lava! | ||
| It ate a car! | ||
| It happened! | ||
| Did you see the video? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| The white car? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Pull that shit up. | ||
| I think it's cool that that car's forever going to be in rock, so when we all die in the future, people can find this car. | ||
| Oh, it's broken down to the bare elements at this point. | ||
| I'm assuming it just got completely melted. | ||
| I wonder. | ||
| They say that stuff is... | ||
| 2,000 degrees, and it's so hot, but it's molten rock, so if it didn't burn through your feet, or if you weren't flammable at all for some strange reason, you could actually walk on it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I'm like, what? | ||
| I thought you would just sink in it, but no. | ||
| And apparently it's cooling right after it gets out of the surface. | ||
| This is so crazy. | ||
| This is like a monster. | ||
| So we're watching this lava flow on Hawaii's Big Island. | ||
| I like how Jamie went with CBS News. | ||
| Fuck CNN, bro. | ||
| Fuck that fake news. | ||
| Actually, Brandon Clement got the video. | ||
| Oh, powerful Brandon Clement. | ||
| But this guy, whoever he is, is a bad motherfucker because look what he was next to. | ||
| He was filming this. | ||
| I mean, he was near this thing. | ||
| Oh my god, like, imagine being on that street and staying. | ||
| What kind of a crazy fuck you have to be to be on that street and stay? | ||
| And then a 6.9 hits during all this? | ||
| Dude, that's so big. | ||
| That's such a crazy earthquake. | ||
| But they live on a volcano. | ||
| I mean, it's one of the reasons why a lot of people don't want to live on the Big Island. | ||
| So shit like this, yeah, that splatter one's crazy. | ||
| There's a fissure in this neighborhood. | ||
| There's a subdivision out there, something estates, I forget what it is. | ||
| But their fucking neighborhood, dude, the ground opened up in their neighborhood. | ||
| I mean, if you lived... | ||
| You know thousands of years ago. | ||
| This would be an angry God coming to attack your village. | ||
| Could you imagine if normal days you're in Hawaii? | ||
| You're in one of the most beautiful places on the planet. | ||
| You're just chilling and the Sun is perfect and you see in the ocean you're hearing the seagulls and you see dolphins and shit and then the ground opens up and hell starts pouring out. | ||
| Eats your house. | ||
| Eats your Mustang. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| And they were talking about it today on the news. | ||
| They're like, there's nothing we can do. | ||
| There's nothing. | ||
| They're like, you can't pour water out? | ||
| Nope. | ||
| Can't do shit. | ||
| You're not going to stop it. | ||
| It's too big. | ||
| They apparently stopped it from doing something in, like, Iceland. | ||
| And they had to use billions and billions of gallons of water to halt the progress of the lava. | ||
| I forget what it was. | ||
| Is that when that big plume was in the air and you couldn't fly anywhere? | ||
| I believe so. | ||
| And that is also that plume being in the air, which restricted flying, is all tied into the death of that journalist Michael Hastings. | ||
| Do you know that crazy conspiracy theory? | ||
| It's one of the weirder ones, man. | ||
| It's one of the weirder ones. | ||
| This guy, Michael Hastings, was this sort of renegade journalist type character, and he went to Iraq or Afghanistan? | ||
| I want to say Iraq, but it might have been Afghanistan. | ||
| He went there with the troops and he got stuck there because of that volcano. | ||
| So because he was stuck there, everybody got comfortable with him being around. | ||
| They started saying crazy shit. | ||
| They started joking around about Obama, stuff like that. | ||
| And he put all this in the article. | ||
| And when he put all this in the article, the general had to resign. | ||
| And he was like one of the most popular and most powerful generals in the army. | ||
| Then, shortly thereafter, homeboy decided to go 120 miles an hour down sunset and slam into a tree and his car exploded. | ||
| And everybody's like, it's a fucking murder! | ||
| It's assassination! | ||
| And then there was all these tech guys that were coming out and they were saying, listen, you absolutely can hack a car and change the direction. | ||
| Change what the car does. | ||
| Take control of the car. | ||
| You absolutely can do that. | ||
| And they were like, absolutely. | ||
| He was like, absolutely. | ||
| He was like, absolutely. | ||
| 100% you can do it. | ||
| We know these videos of people falling asleep and they're Teslas. | ||
| The car just drives you there. | ||
| You get on the highway, it just drives you. | ||
| We know that's real. | ||
| It turns. | ||
| It'll turn. | ||
| It'll make turns for you. | ||
| It'll park. | ||
| They have cars that park. | ||
| You don't think that they can... | ||
| That they figured out a long time ago, hey, wouldn't it be cool if we could just tap into that and make this motherfucker drive into a tree? | ||
| If they didn't, they would be so incompetent that I don't want to hear any conspiracy theories ever again. | ||
| Because if the government didn't look at that stuff, if the government, like the assassins, didn't look at that and go, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on a second. | ||
| So you're telling me if the head of ISIS is in a car and it's a Mercedes, we can hack into that car and make that motherfucker drive off a cliff? | ||
| We can do that? | ||
| Okay, well, let's do that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fucking 100%! | |
| Those people all day are trying to figure out a way to kill bad guys. | ||
| You don't think they would think that? | ||
| Of course they would. | ||
| So that's the scary thought. | ||
| But then the other possibility is homeboy was losing his mind because of the pressure. | ||
| Which is entirely possible. | ||
| You always have to, like, look at everything. | ||
| You gotta look at all sides. | ||
| You really do. | ||
| It's so easy to just pick a side on any story or a conspiracy theory or anything, even a political opinion. | ||
| It's so easy to just dig your heels in. | ||
| But on this one, you gotta look at this guy. | ||
| They definitely found amphetamines in his system, they said. | ||
| And that's not uncommon for writers. | ||
| Writers love Adderall. | ||
| They fucking love it. | ||
| Apparently, I have a friend who's a journalist says everybody who's a journalist is on Adderall. | ||
| Obviously, he's exaggerating. | ||
| The one guy's out there like, not me, you fuck! | ||
| Not fucking me! | ||
| But, um, who was it that was a doctor? | ||
| Oh, my friend Dr. Roddy McGee. | ||
| The stem cell doctor from Vegas, he was telling me about people that were taking Adderall when he was in college, and he was like, holy shit, is my breath smell? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, no, exactly. | |
| What are you doing, bro? | ||
| He throws me these Listerine breast strips. | ||
| Okay, dude, I'll fucking take one. | ||
| I accidentally flipped it. | ||
| Christ, dude. | ||
| But he was saying that when he was in college, it was like a marked change in everybody's performance when they started doing the Adderall. | ||
| I believe it. | ||
| Jamie gave it to me. | ||
| He gave me a little tiny piece, allegedly. | ||
| Maybe not. | ||
| Maybe I just made that up. | ||
| Officer. | ||
| I don't know what that was. | ||
| I don't know what the fuck that was. | ||
| I didn't take it either way. | ||
| I'm scared of it. | ||
| I'm scared I'm going to take it and go, Yes! | ||
| This is what I need! | ||
| Right? | ||
| Like the same reason I'm scared of Coke. | ||
| I've never fucked with Coke. | ||
| I like coffee too much. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I like it. | |
| I drink it when I'm not even tired. | ||
| I just look for a cup of coffee. | ||
| Like, come on, have a cup of coffee. | ||
| It'd be nice right now. | ||
| I feel like I crack at, like, cracky when I'm on Adderall. | ||
| Like, it's like... | ||
| Like, the whole time. | ||
| Does it make you talk too much? | ||
| I've only done it like three times, but I remember I tried to do it and go on stage and it was awful. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I felt like I was on, like my timing was all like jitter-jitter-jitter-jitter. | |
| Right, well you gotta take into account, like there's the way you feel before you go on stage, and then there's the way you feel on stage. | ||
| The adrenaline, you have to take into account that that adrenaline's gonna be there. | ||
| It's gonna mix in. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I did Modafinil once, I did Modafinil on stage, and it was a weird little balancing act. | ||
| That's that Pro Vigil stuff? | ||
| Right. | ||
| It was weird. | ||
| It was like, ooh, this is weird. | ||
| You know, you're better off sober. | ||
| But the thing about those pills, apparently, is you get used to it. | ||
| And then you get used to that juice. | ||
| You know, you're used to just fucking having the energy to get shit done. | ||
| Come on, Brian. | ||
| Let's start a fucking business. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Come on, Brian. | |
| Let's organize. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We've got to make a non-profit that carries the same name as the... | |
| Everybody gets super, super fired up. | ||
| But you can get a lot of shit done that way. | ||
| So that's the thing with journalists, apparently, according to my friend. | ||
| He's like, dude, everybody's on it. | ||
| They're all on it, and they write like maniacs. | ||
| They just fucking pound the keys. | ||
| But it makes sense. | ||
| And that Take Your Pills documentary on Netflix, that's what they talk about, too. | ||
| I need to see that. | ||
| 80% of kids in high school, college, taking it just to get through. | ||
| Well, I think it's a performance-enhancing drug. | ||
| So here's the question. | ||
| Is it worse than drinking? | ||
| I bet it isn't. | ||
| And we don't have any problem with all those kids drinking. | ||
| The question is, are they going to get addicted to it more easily than they would get addicted to drinking? | ||
| Because you don't have this, I mean, I don't know, but I'm assuming you don't have nearly the same kind of hangover, right? | ||
| How does it affect your liver in comparison to, like, alcohol? | ||
| Because I think Adderall and that kind of shit might be worse in that aspect. | ||
| I think we'd see a lot of bodies if it were. | ||
| I think there'd be a lot of dead people. | ||
| I really do. | ||
| This is what I think. | ||
| I think it's one of those where's the bodies thing. | ||
| Like, where's the bodies? | ||
| Where's the bodies? | ||
| You know, where are they? | ||
| It might be one of those things, oh, you don't want to do that. | ||
| Everybody's going to have heart attacks and die. | ||
| Are you sure? | ||
| Are you sure everybody's not already doing it? | ||
| There was a fucking stupid article that I was reading about the keto diet. | ||
| It was so dumb. | ||
| It was so poorly written and uninformed because they were talking about a study they did where they took people and they put them on a keto diet for four days and their athletic performance decreased. | ||
| And then they even included the caveat, this could possibly be because of the keto flu. | ||
| Which is something that sometimes people get before your body goes into ketosis. | ||
| It takes a long time to switch your body off from a lifetime of burning carbs to burning fat. | ||
| The real health benefits and athletic performance, if any, all happen after your body gets through this transitionary period. | ||
| So they did a study about four days of the diet. | ||
| Like, who gives a shit? | ||
| Why would you do that? | ||
| That's not how it works. | ||
| It takes weeks. | ||
| Before your body even totally transitions over. | ||
| And then even then, the benefits increase over months. | ||
| There's plenty of science on this stuff. | ||
| The people that I've had on the podcast that talked about it, like Dom D'Agostino and all the studies that he's done on it, Peter Adio, who was on the other day, these are like real scientists. | ||
| The data's out there. | ||
| You could look at it. | ||
| It doesn't work for everybody in terms of the benefits of it, but you don't do it over four days. | ||
| So they're saying it's dangerous, potentially dangerous diet. | ||
| It's fucking food. | ||
| It's not dangerous. | ||
| You know what's really dangerous? | ||
| Eating the same way most people eat every day. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| I was watching a video with this guy from, you know what the company called Flavor God? | ||
| It's a spice company. | ||
| He makes like really delicious spices. | ||
| And he had this video. | ||
| He went to a store and he just picked out a garlic salt. | ||
| Like, okay, let's try this one right here. | ||
| And he picks it up and it says sugar in it. | ||
| Sugar's the third ingredient in fucking garlic salt. | ||
| So I go home after I watch this video. | ||
| I pick up the garlic salt. | ||
| I'm like, that looks like the shit that I have in my house. | ||
| I pick it up. | ||
| It's under garlic salt. | ||
| It has fucking sugar. | ||
| It's like the third or fourth ingredient is sugar. | ||
| I'm like, you gotta be kidding me. | ||
| They put sugar and garlic salt, these monsters. | ||
| That's insane. | ||
| That's not right. | ||
| Dude. | ||
| These monsters. | ||
| Is he selling it as a spice or does it say garlic salt on it? | ||
| It's a regular, it's a big company. | ||
| It's a green cap. | ||
| It says garlic salt. | ||
| His stuff is just garlic and salt and real spices and whatever, this flavor god guy. | ||
| So he's just pointing out, like, look man, you're getting fucked over. | ||
| And I didn't know. | ||
| I had no idea. | ||
| I was pouring this stuff. | ||
| I put this stuff on my eggs. | ||
| I didn't know there's sugar in it. | ||
| That's ridiculous. | ||
| Why would you put sugar in garlic salt? | ||
| Don't call it garlic salt then. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Call it Tony's Spices. | |
| This is Tony's Spices. | ||
| I put a little of this, I put a little of that. | ||
| You know what I like? | ||
| My grandmother always puts sugar in everything. | ||
| Fuck it. | ||
| Sugar. | ||
| That seems like that should be illegal. | ||
| Should be illegal. | ||
| Fucking asshole. | ||
| Because what if you can't have sugar? | ||
| You never think to look in salt. | ||
| You have to check every fucking label to make sure someone's not sneaking some sugar in on you. | ||
| Creepy fucks. | ||
| Speaking of creepy fucks, did you hear about that nurse who is going to jail because she was infecting patients with hepatitis C? She was infecting her hepatitis C blood into their medication. | ||
| Why? | ||
| She's crazy. | ||
| She's crazy. | ||
| She was giving them hep C on purpose, is what they're alleging at least. | ||
| Here it is. | ||
| Nurse allegedly used her own drug needles on patients leading to hepatitis C infections. | ||
| Okay, so I'd read it differently. | ||
| I'd read that she injected the medication with her blood. | ||
| She had put her blood in the medication. | ||
| Maybe that was just a shitty article I read. | ||
| But either way, Okay, so what they're saying is she's a suspicion of two counts of second-degree assault. | ||
| She's not been formally charged, and her mother, Eunice, told the media at the news conference Friday that her daughter wouldn't hurt a bug. | ||
| Hmm. | ||
| So they say a Washington Emergency Room nurse is accused of stealing narcotics and injecting two hospital patients with Hep C using the same needles that she used to inject herself. | ||
| Okay, so they're not saying she infected it with their blood on purpose. | ||
| She just did something super irresponsible and used her needles on these patients. | ||
| So what they're alleging is that she's using narcotics and she would get too much for the patients and give some to herself and use that same needle to give it to the patients, probably because needles are tightly controlled. | ||
| Because they probably have to account for every needle missing, so they don't give them to junkies, and they probably have to account for all the narcotics. | ||
| So she would probably give them some of hers. | ||
| See, it says, she intentionally contaminated medicine or other substance with her own blood. | ||
| See, that's what I read. | ||
| See, this is a different thing. | ||
| Is this a different website you just pulled out? | ||
|
unidentified
|
The same one. | |
| Intentionally contaminated medicine or another substance with her own blood. | ||
| Then she administered the medicine or other substance intravenously. | ||
| So the way she did it wasn't by putting her blood into the medication on purpose. | ||
| The way she did it was by taking some of their medication, allegedly. | ||
| It says, I haven't seen any evidence that would prove that she intentionally infected anyone. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hmm. | |
| It's her attorney. | ||
| Yeah, that's her attorney. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So go to the top because there was something about narcotics, right? | ||
| I've read this. | ||
| There's a book called Dead Doctors Don't Lie. | ||
| And it's all about this guy, Dr. Joel Wallach. | ||
| And it was all about mineral deficient diets. | ||
| And then how many people have mineral deficient diets because U.S. farmlands are just total overrun with, you know, you use the same land over and over and over again. | ||
| They're overrun from the crops that just drain the dirt. | ||
| So they have to add minerals to the soil. | ||
| They have to add shit to it. | ||
| And this guy, Dr. Joel Wallach, was talking about how you have to realize there's a lot of people out there that, over time, mineral-deficient diets will show poor health results. | ||
| So he was going on about how little doctors know about health in general. | ||
| They know how to fix things. | ||
| But how little many doctors know about good diet and what kind of nutrients you really need. | ||
| Because they really don't spend that much time in school. | ||
| Much less time than the average person who's sort of obsessed with it. | ||
| But then he started going on about how many doctors they find dead from overdoses. | ||
| And stories about doctors that just shot themselves up in a break room and tied. | ||
| Locked themselves up in a bathroom and shot coke. | ||
| If they're that tired and that worn down and they have access to coke, I bet a lot of them did it, especially if you could get away with it. | ||
| Especially if they have that liquid coke in the hospitals. | ||
| They're probably just huffing that stuff. | ||
| Do they still have that? | ||
| Liquid coke? | ||
| They have lidocaine, right? | ||
| What do they use the liquid coke for? | ||
| A numbing agent, right? | ||
| Well, that's what lidocaine is, right? | ||
| Yeah, I think the same thing, though. | ||
| But I don't think lidocaine gets you high. | ||
| I know this girl that used to, I don't know if she made it, but I always thought it was from a doctor. | ||
| It was like an inhaler type thing, and she would just do that. | ||
| Or no, no, it was a nose thing. | ||
| Like a spray nose thing. | ||
| Like a Flonase. | ||
| Flonase for coke? | ||
| Yeah, and she would just do that. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| And she would just shoot liquid coke up her snout? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| That's heavy. | ||
| Sounds better for you than snorting. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It's like moisturizing. | ||
| I think the best way is apparently you chew those leaves. | ||
| You ever done that? | ||
| No. | ||
| I've never even seen that before. | ||
| Yeah, the coca leaves. | ||
| That's apparently the best way, but you never get that super rush. | ||
| It's like, the difference between the sugar that you would get from an apple and the sugar you would get from some Kool-Aid. | ||
| Like, you would drink a gallon of Kool-Aid, homemade Kool-Aid, where you'd dump extra sugar in there and stir that bitch up. | ||
| Do you remember that? | ||
| How great was that? | ||
| Kool-Aid is delicious. | ||
| What was your color? | ||
| What was your go-to color? | ||
| I've never met a Kool-Aid I didn't like. | ||
| I never drank one glass of Kool-Aid. | ||
| It was like, this Kool-Aid's bullshit. | ||
| The green one was always weird. | ||
| They were fucking great. | ||
| I loved when the big guy with the pitcher burst through the wall, too. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Kool-Aid. | ||
| Kool-Aid just smashed your house to give you... | ||
| He was so excited to see you and give you your sugary drink. | ||
| He would break your fucking house. | ||
| That dude's still around. | ||
| The Kool-Aid guy? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Is he on the packages still? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That'd be funny if they made him thinner, though, to promote no sugar or something like that. | ||
| Change of times. | ||
| Get them on diet pills. | ||
| Get Kool-Aid on the diet pills. | ||
| He's a shot glass now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Adderall, Adderall, Adderall, Adderall. | |
| Okay, let's find out how many people die every year from Adderall. | ||
| Let's guess. | ||
| I'm going to guess. | ||
| I'm going to guess less than 100. Oh, no, no. | ||
| It's way more than that. | ||
| I say less than 100 in this country every year. | ||
| That's what I say. | ||
| I say 59 people die of Adderall a year. | ||
| I'll say 21,000 people. | ||
| You would be the worst guest ever on The Price is Right. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You don't know what the fuck you're doing. | |
| It's just the chance you're taking, too. | ||
| You don't have to go that high. | ||
| Sometimes. | ||
| Just go a little higher than me and you got it. | ||
| How much did you say? | ||
| I'm saying 59 people, guys. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And it's 69. Okay, 69. What do we got, Jamie? | |
| The first thing I found that said that there were 12 deaths associated to 7 to 16-year-old boys in the year 2005. And there's like articles about sudden deaths in 12 kids on Adderall. | ||
| Just 12? | ||
| Yeah, but that's like, it's not showing for the year. | ||
| I think when you die on Adderall, they know where you live, they come down, they nuke your house, they kill all the witnesses. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, but the money in Adderall must be through the roof. | ||
| Well, look at what happened to CBD. Did you hear about this? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| I bet the medicine companies have something to do with that. | ||
| They just made it a Schedule I for CBD. Did they really do that? | ||
| I thought they abandoned on that. | ||
| No, I just read it the other day. | ||
| I know they were doing that with Kratom, too. | ||
| Court rules, CBD, Schedule I compound cannabinol sales only wear pot legal. | ||
| Well, that's just stupid. | ||
| CBD, it's got the most minor levels of THC, and it has definite benefits, especially when you put it on as a lotion. | ||
| Appeals court upholds CBD status as controlled substance. | ||
| Well, fuck you, appeals court. | ||
| That's against the hemp industry also, right? | ||
| That's a huge hit to the hemp industry. | ||
| Yeah, across the board. | ||
| It's a huge hit to humanity. | ||
| It's just dumb. | ||
| That stuff's great for old ladies with arthritis. | ||
| It's so much better than a lot of medications. | ||
| You can take it in so many different forms. | ||
| You can take it as drops. | ||
| You can take it as a spray. | ||
| I'd take it as an ointment that I'll put on, like I have a sore shoulder or some shit. | ||
| You can put that stuff on. | ||
| It's fucking great. | ||
| I just got some recently, and any time my neck is sore from laying weird or being in a hotel with a shitty pillow, I put it on like two minutes. | ||
| Yeah, it just loosens everything up. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| You know what I bet it would be great for? | ||
| Like a massage. | ||
| Maybe you'd get fucked up. | ||
| Maybe you'd get too high. | ||
| Someone give you a massage in CBD lotion? | ||
| I did it the other day. | ||
| Whoa, did you? | ||
| Yeah, and I got it in her vagina, and I thought it was going to be bad. | ||
| I was like, oh, maybe I shouldn't have done that. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And, you know, it was fine. | ||
| Wow, that's good. | ||
| This company, CBD for Life, they gave me all these face lotions. | ||
| They have the stuff you put underneath your eyes. | ||
| They have so much different kind of CBD stuff. | ||
| Yeah, Gino gave me some blue stuff. | ||
| It's like a roll-on, you know, like roll-on deodorant. | ||
| You put it on a sore elbow or something. | ||
| It's great. | ||
| Yeah, it doesn't do anything bad to you. | ||
| The fact that these assholes decided that it'd be a good idea to make that illegal is so dumb. | ||
| There's nothing wrong with it. | ||
| It reduces inflammation. | ||
| It's healthy. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| Period. | ||
| Doesn't do anything wrong. | ||
| So now you can't buy it anymore. | ||
| You can only buy it in places where pot's legal. | ||
| Like, we can still buy it. | ||
| Because we don't live in the dark ages. | ||
|
unidentified
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Stupid. | |
| There's a lot of dark-aged states out there, dude. | ||
| You ever watch that show, Live PD, I think it's called? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's one of my favorite shows, but it's so weird watching people get busted for, like, weed. | ||
| And you're like, wait, how old is this show? | ||
| Oh, it's live right now. | ||
| This is happening in South Carolina or whatever. | ||
| Yeah, there's a bunch of spots where you could still get, like, fully arrested. | ||
| Go to jail. | ||
| You're a criminal. | ||
| Texas. | ||
| For pot. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Texas, they arrested Willie Nelson, dude. | ||
| They pulled Willie Nelson off his tour bus. | ||
| You know, that's like shooting a bass in a toilet bowl. | ||
| That's so dumb. | ||
| That's so dumb. | ||
| How could you do that? | ||
| National treasure, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Assholes. | |
| Of course he smokes pot. | ||
| He's 150,000 years old. | ||
| He's been playing music all across this land forever. | ||
| Leave the guy alone. | ||
| Let him do whatever he wants. | ||
| He's Willie Nelson. | ||
| I mean, if you don't love Willie Nelson, fuck you. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Even if you don't want to listen to the guy's music, you're like, not right now, man. | ||
| I'm into some Eminem right now. | ||
| Okay, I get it. | ||
| But if you're like, man, fuck Willie Nelson. | ||
| No. | ||
| Fuck you. | ||
| What do you think of the Kanye shit going on? | ||
| Well, Jamie's kept me fully informed. | ||
| He talks about it every morning. | ||
| Jamie's got many, many theories. | ||
| He's got one of those mind boards in his house where he's got index cards leading to the center. | ||
| Kanye's record release is in the center. | ||
| And then all these things spray out to Yeezys and flip-flops and all these slides. | ||
| And he's got a bunch of theories along the way. | ||
| I've never heard your theory, but does it involve the car accident that he had right before he became popular? | ||
| I think he has brain damage from this car accident. | ||
| Those are the people that honestly think that he is still on... | ||
| He said he was on opioids from getting a lipo, actually. | ||
| Because a lot of the media scrutiny on him being fat, he said, led him to go getting lipo, which led him to having a painkiller addiction. | ||
| And he was on an opioid thing, and he was very afraid when he went to the psycho hospital that he was going to get killed, and people were going to take him away for all the shit he was saying. | ||
| So he did have some issues, and I think he's publicly said he's been on some other medication, so he might be on or off of it right now. | ||
| Well, he should definitely run for president then. | ||
| Poopity scoop. | ||
| I mean, now he's in. | ||
| It's perfect. | ||
| He's got all the right ingredients. | ||
| He's an artist, though. | ||
| That's all I think. | ||
| He's just an artist putting out music. | ||
| I would take Kanye over Trump any day, though. | ||
| Here's that thing that you just... | ||
| You're out of your mind. | ||
| Here's that thing that you just said, though, about the accident. | ||
| You know, that's the story of Sam Kinison as well. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, Sam Kinison was a... | ||
| When he was a boy... | ||
| He apparently was like super normal kid and then he got hit by a car really bad and From that point on he became a different person came wild and reckless and crazy and It's the way football players get their head hit. | ||
| Fighters, yep. | ||
| And murder their wife, O.J. Simpson. | ||
| You know, his doctor said that they would use that as a defense. | ||
| They would consider using that as a defense if that trial was to happen today. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| It's like that other guy, the guy that ended up killing himself, the football player, what is his name? | ||
| He went to jail and he hung himself. | ||
| Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Adrian... | ||
| What's his name, Jamie? | ||
| Hernandez. | ||
| Aaron Hernandez. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| Yo, Adrian! | ||
| Yeah, but they're saying that he probably had that, too. | ||
| No, he 100% did. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| It's not a matter of whether or not you have brain damage. | ||
| It's a matter of how much. | ||
| How much do you have and can you work with it? | ||
| If you get hit in the head a lot, you have brain damage. | ||
| Your brain does not want to get hit. | ||
| It's not normal. | ||
| Aaron Hernandez suffered from most severe CT he ever found in a person his age. | ||
| He's kind of like Brennan Schaub. | ||
| Looks like it. | ||
| Yeah, looks like it. | ||
| But Brennan's way more keto right now. | ||
|
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Very thin. | |
| They've never seen a brain like his in someone younger than someone 46. Yeah. | ||
| He's like 25, maybe. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Dude, I'm telling you, there is a fucking epidemic of this shit. | ||
| And it includes all sorts of people that get their head hit. | ||
| Whether it's BMX guys that are constantly crashing. | ||
| I mean, you think about how many times a BMX guy will crash in his career. | ||
| How many head bumps he takes. | ||
| Skateboarders. | ||
| Notorious for doing crazy shit, wiping. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| The older you get, does it look kind of like a pit bull, does it swell and it gets worse? | ||
| No. | ||
| No, they do say the damage is cumulative. | ||
| It's a cumulative over, I think, a period of like 10 years from the initial incident. | ||
| So, like, say if you have a really bad car accident. | ||
| Your brain will continue to deteriorate for 10 years from the effects of that accident. | ||
| When a guy told me that, I was like, how do you know? | ||
| And I don't know how they know. | ||
| I don't remember. | ||
| He kind of explained it. | ||
| But I was like, so you mean a guy who gets knocked out... | ||
| We were at the fights when he was telling me this. | ||
| So I'm like, you tell me a guy who gets knocked out today... | ||
| Is it going to feel the real repercussions of that knockout in 10 years? | ||
| He's like, yes, it's very possible that's the case. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| It's going to take 10 years to show its full effects. | ||
| So if you see someone who's fucked up now, like if they've got brain damage now, like as time goes on, it's going to be like, like Muhammad Ali was one of the weirder ones because he had developed a neurological disease. | ||
| He developed Parkinson's. | ||
| But there's trauma-induced Parkinson's. | ||
| A lot of people are trying to say, no, no, no, Ali got Parkinson's. | ||
| It was a disease. | ||
| Yeah, maybe. | ||
| But you know who else has Parkinson's? | ||
| Freddie Roach, the boxing coach, and he openly discusses the fact that it's trauma-induced. | ||
| He got it from his long boxing career. | ||
| Just because it's a brain disease doesn't mean the brain disease didn't come from getting the fuck beat out of your brain. | ||
| I mean, imagine if you had a game that you played where people like to kick you in the liver. | ||
| This is the game. | ||
| You know, you kick me in the liver, I kick you in the liver. | ||
| And then later on, you develop liver cancer. | ||
| And people are like, yeah, but he used to like to drink... | ||
| Oh, he had sclerosis. | ||
| Had nothing to do with getting kicked a lot. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| Nothing to do. | ||
| I'm sure he has a super healthy brain after getting pounded on for decades. | ||
| That's ridiculous. | ||
| That doesn't make any sense. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
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Jesus. | |
| Dude, I have probably the most minor of brain damages. | ||
| Probably the most minor, because I stopped when I was 21. Yeah, what's your number? | ||
| How many times did I get hit? | ||
| How many times do you think, oh, that did damage? | ||
| Oh, 100%. | ||
| There's a bunch of them. | ||
| There's a bunch of them that I can think back about getting rocked and feeling my knees go, like getting punched and then keep sparring, keep sparring, spar two more rounds with that guy, spar three rounds with another guy, he's hitting you in the face too. | ||
| Like you didn't stop. | ||
| It was really dumb. | ||
| You'd get hit and you'd get rocked and nobody sat you down and go, okay, let's take the day off. | ||
| No, you get right back in there, man. | ||
| Your fucking legs would go, bang! | ||
| But your legs would go and you'd cover up and, you know, people would be throwing bombs on you. | ||
| And you'd, next day, sparring again. | ||
| Is there a way to detect it? | ||
| Like get your brain scanned so you can see? | ||
| There's better ways now. | ||
| There's better ways now. | ||
| But I had a limited amount of it. | ||
| I mean, I had the real getting wrapped in the head for me came when I tried to transition from Taekwondo to kickboxing. | ||
| Doing Taekwondo, I definitely got hit in the head, for sure. | ||
| But I didn't get hit in the head as much. | ||
| Because it's hard to kick people in the head. | ||
| You definitely get hit. | ||
| I mean, I don't know how many times. | ||
| I definitely got hit. | ||
| But I never got knocked out from a head kick. | ||
| But I got knocked out from punches before. | ||
| At least TKO'd. | ||
| I got TKO'd. | ||
| But when a punch hits your face... | ||
| It's like your legs go, everything shuts off. | ||
| If you get rocked and you see a person go down, it's not that they go down like, oh, there's so much pain, I have to go down. | ||
| No. | ||
| You get hit and everything shuts off. | ||
| It just goes... | ||
| And then you feel your legs like rubber. | ||
| You're trying to stand back up. | ||
| Did you just watch the last UFC where Edson Barboza head kicked Kevin Lee? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| You see that? | ||
| He's spinning wheel kicked him. | ||
| And you see Kevin Lee's legs just go boink. | ||
| They just gave out for a second. | ||
| And then he came back and... | ||
| Those ones I got way more when I was boxing. | ||
| I got way more of those. | ||
| I was not good at boxing. | ||
| When I first got into boxing, I was good at Taekwondo, but then I got into boxing, I was not good at it. | ||
| I didn't know what I was doing. | ||
| I didn't understand the distance. | ||
| Taekwondo, you didn't punch in the face, you only punched the body, so you had a real distorted perception of how good you were with your hands. | ||
| And then once I started boxing, I was like, ooh, this is terrible. | ||
| That's when I was taking, like, probably the most damage of my life. | ||
| Of a period of, like, two years of, like, a lot of sparring. | ||
| I did a lot of sparring. | ||
| Everybody sparred. | ||
| Everybody sparred with everybody. | ||
| People knocked people out all the time. | ||
| It's so stupid. | ||
| So stupid. | ||
| I see guys get knocked out. | ||
| I mean, out cold. | ||
| Right hand to the chin. | ||
| Boom! | ||
| Eyes roll behind their head. | ||
| Legs give out. | ||
| They bounce off the canvas. | ||
| They put a cold towel on him. | ||
| They put some ice on his head. | ||
| He gets up. | ||
| He's like, I'm good. | ||
| I'm good. | ||
| I'm good. | ||
| You want to keep going? | ||
| Yeah, let's keep going. | ||
| Let's keep going. | ||
| You were just unconscious. | ||
| You were just unconscious five minutes ago. | ||
| And you want to keep sparring? | ||
| This is crazy. | ||
| And they'd let them. | ||
| They'd let them keep sparring. | ||
| You did it from when you were, like, real young, right? | ||
| Taekwondo from when I was, well, I took karate classes when I was 14. But when I got super serious, I was 15. I was, like, right at my, before my sophomore year of high school. | ||
| So, like, I got into it from the time I was in the ninth grade. | ||
| As I was 14, like that summer, like right after my birthday, around is when I started getting into tights. | ||
| So I was probably either 14 or just turning 15. I was going to ask, like, was there a point you could tell where people actually could be able to knock people out and give that damage? | ||
| Because there may be... | ||
| 14-year-olds can knock you out. | ||
| The thing about kicks is almost anybody can knock you out. | ||
| It's really crazy. | ||
| Like, when you think of the amount of power that you have to have, like... | ||
| In your legs. | ||
| Say if you decide to put a heavy backpack on, like one of those outdoorsman's Atlas trainers and put 90 pounds on, you could walk up flights of stairs, dude. | ||
| Just think how much power that is in your legs. | ||
| You could throw your body up flights of stairs for exercise. | ||
| Your body is, whatever you weigh, 150, 200, whatever you weigh, your body is just launching that through the air over and over and over again. | ||
| Even if you're a girl that weighs 135 pounds, you're still launching 135 pounds through the air. | ||
| And if that girl fucking shins you, right on your temple, like goes across the jaw temple area, your legs are going to give out, your brain's going to shut off. | ||
| If somebody hits you perfect, There's a video of... | ||
| I think the guy was... | ||
| I think it was Mighty Mo. | ||
| Mighty Mo, who's this huge kickboxer. | ||
| I believe he was Samoan. | ||
| I mean, just like typical Samoan dude. | ||
| Big, giant, fucking powerhouse of a dude. | ||
| And he fought this little Thai guy. | ||
| This Thai guy was 175 pounds. | ||
| So much smaller than him. | ||
| I mean, it was crazy to watch. | ||
| The Thai guy's just moving away, moving away, moving away. | ||
| And then the Thai guy, roundhouse, kicks him in the head. | ||
| This guy. | ||
| Like, look at the difference in size. | ||
| And watch this. | ||
| This dude just comes over the top. | ||
| I mean, the difference between the two of them... | ||
| Mighty Moe is a beast, too. | ||
| Seriously dangerous knockout puncher. | ||
| He put a lot of guys to sleep. | ||
| So not as this guy in there with someone way bigger than him, but he's in there with a killer. | ||
| But boom, look at that. | ||
| One head kick, and Mighty Moe's down and out. | ||
| I mean, back that up again, because that is a crazy thing to watch. | ||
| You're talking about a guy who might have been 100 pounds lighter than him. | ||
| And Mighty Moe's just a vicious puncher. | ||
| Bang! | ||
| You just clanged him right in the head. | ||
| That's what I'm talking about. | ||
| A girl does that to you? | ||
| Night-night, son. | ||
| Yeah, I was thinking more like two ten-year-olds, like, knock each other out. | ||
| That's a good point because the thought process is that if you teach kids technique, don't teach them to just go in these wild fucking haymaker exchanges, but teach them how to do it correctly. | ||
| It's good to do it when they're young because they don't hurt each other. | ||
| Because they have little tiny arms and they just kind of touch each other. | ||
| And they can't really generate knockout power. | ||
| And if they learn how to do that from the beginning and then develop knockout power on the pads and on the bag, then you develop much more technically proficient fighters rather than brawlers. | ||
| So the problem with fighting is most people don't fight to the physical ability of their body. | ||
| They decide... | ||
| Like they're going to knock this guy out. | ||
| I'm going to try to hit him with this. | ||
| And they think in this real limited sort of linear, aggressive, like almost obvious manner. | ||
| And then you got guys who see past that, who take things to a new place. | ||
| You got guys who figure out that you can be like really elusive and confusing. | ||
| Then you see those guys fight, like, limited, blocky, like, obvious fighters. | ||
| And, like, Anderson Silva in his prime is a perfect example of that. | ||
| Anderson was an artist. | ||
| I mean, he would just, he would, you didn't know what he was going to do. | ||
| He'd study you. | ||
| He'd be moving around. | ||
| He'd be standing in front of you. | ||
| He'd be dancing. | ||
| He'd just be following you around. | ||
| And then all of a sudden, he'd just say, I got this motherfucker figured out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bang! | |
| He would just move in on you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bang! | |
| And you didn't know what was coming. | ||
| Flying knee. | ||
| You didn't know what was coming. | ||
| Roundhouse kick, front kick to the face. | ||
| You didn't know what the fuck was coming, man. | ||
| It was a totally different kind of fighter. | ||
| So the difference between that and a guy who's just like a powerhouse of a person and can knock guys out, but never achieves this sort of mastery of space and distance. | ||
| They win fights through brawling and power and just kinetic brute force rather than artistry. | ||
| And avoidance and countering. | ||
| Like Conor McGregor when he knocked out Jose Aldo. | ||
| Perfect example. | ||
| Aldo's like, fuck you! | ||
| Charging at him. | ||
| Conor slides back. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bop! | |
| Drops a fucking left hand on the button. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bop bop! | |
| And he's the champ champ. | ||
| I mean, come on. | ||
| Or champ. | ||
| Then became the champ champ. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Champ champ. | |
| But that thing is hard to figure out. | ||
| Sometimes guys just decide to rather bite down their mouthpiece and let the fucking chips fly. | ||
| It's not. | ||
| It's the funnest part of the end of a fight. | ||
| Almost like the last 30 seconds, 20 seconds when they just throw it out. | ||
| Crazy! | ||
| Because they know there's no more time left. | ||
| Yeah, they just try to win. | ||
| Try to stop it. | ||
| Yeah, some of those fights are awesome. | ||
| Look, as a person watching, those things are awesome. | ||
| There's two different parts the way I look at fights. | ||
| Like, I love a good Diego Sanchez-Gilbert Melendez fight where they just fucking go crazy for three rounds. | ||
| I love that. | ||
| That was one of my favorite fights ever. | ||
| But I also love real technical fights where I see two artists trying to solve each other's riddle, trying to figure each other out, you know? | ||
| Like, Luke Rockhold versus Yoel Romero was that. | ||
| Like, Yoel was just trying to figure him out. | ||
| Trying to figure him out. | ||
| Maybe I move like this. | ||
| And then, boom! | ||
| Drops that left hand on him. | ||
| Same thing with him versus Chris Weidman. | ||
| He's just moving around. | ||
| It's hard to figure out what he's going to do. | ||
| Hard to figure out what's coming. | ||
| And then, boom! | ||
| Flying knee to the chin. | ||
| Or to the head. | ||
| He's a great example of a guy who just figures out how to break your rhythm and figure it through. | ||
| Rather than just running at you and just Clash, clash, clash. | ||
| You know, Frank Mir was just talking about that Fedor fight, and he was saying that his ego got the best of him. | ||
| Did you see the fight? | ||
| It was a really good fight, really crazy, until Fedor KO'd him. | ||
| Fedor caught him with a left hand and dropped him and put him away. | ||
| But before Fedor KO'd him, Frank Mir had hit Fedor, and it got interesting in the very beginning seconds of the fight, but then Fedor hit him with a perfectly timed hip throw. | ||
| Just fucking BOOM! I mean, sent him flying through the air and slammed him to the ground, and apparently, Frank said, from that moment on, his ego got the best of him. | ||
| He was trying to get him back, and he wound up just getting in this crazy brawl, And getting knocked out. | ||
| It's really, fighting to me is so, it's so interesting. | ||
| You know, it's just so interesting when you see all the different things that people can do and how they're going to match up together and what one person's going to be able to figure out how to get their ideas through. | ||
| My idea is I want to kick this motherfucker in the head. | ||
| How can I do this? | ||
| I got to figure out how to get through. | ||
| And his idea is I want to take this guy down and punch his fucking face in. | ||
| How do I figure out how to do this? | ||
| And then the two of them are just like trying each other's strat. | ||
| And you don't really know. | ||
| You don't fucking know. | ||
| You don't know until they get in there for the most part. | ||
| It's the greatest shit ever. | ||
| With the judging, have they ever tried, like, sharing in between rounds what the scores are so you don't have to guess? | ||
| People would throw rocks at those people. | ||
| What if they don't say who it is or they don't have to be? | ||
| It's a bad idea. | ||
| They'd kill them all just by being associated with it. | ||
| What if they weren't there? | ||
| What if they're, like, in the back room? | ||
| Oh, that's even worse. | ||
| Why aren't they there? | ||
| Maybe the judging would be better if they were there. | ||
| Yeah, that's what I was going to say. | ||
| Do they have to be there? | ||
| Does it have to be... | ||
| In-person judging? | ||
| They're actually elevated. | ||
| They're a little higher than everybody else, too. | ||
| They're looking at it above me. | ||
| When the action's happening on the other side of the octagon, you can't see anything. | ||
| I know they get a monitor, but what's the point in being there if they can't see anything? | ||
| We had to make sure they got monitors. | ||
| They didn't get monitors in the beginning. | ||
| In the olden days, they didn't have monitors. | ||
| And I was going crazy. | ||
| I was like, how is it that I, a person who has no effect whatsoever on the score of this fight, I have a monitor. | ||
| I can ask for a replay. | ||
| I have all this shit at my disposal. | ||
| I have earphones on with a microphone and I can press the truck. | ||
| I go, can I see that again? | ||
| And they'll show it to me on the B screen. | ||
| I'm like, yeah, his ankle broke. | ||
| And so the production, like sometimes during a fight, will tell them, hey, Joe, we got the headbutt. | ||
| It was a headbutt that caused that cut. | ||
| And then I'll say, okay, I'm just hearing from the truck now that it was a headbutt. | ||
| We're going to show you that as soon as we can. | ||
| But I'm watching it on that screen right there. | ||
| Why can't the judges get that? | ||
| How long ago did that change? | ||
| It seems like that should have been day one. | ||
| It wasn't that long ago. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| I don't think the judges have access to replays, though. | ||
| They can't call up a replay like I can. | ||
| Why not? | ||
| Maybe they shouldn't be able to. | ||
| They should be able to. | ||
| They don't have a little bit too much time to judge or think about it. | ||
| No, you need to know things. | ||
| You need to know things. | ||
| Like if a guy gets kicked in the balls. | ||
| Was that a real kick in the balls? | ||
| Watch after the fact, because you don't want their attention taken from what's going, the action. | ||
| Depends. | ||
| To stop and watch the replay. | ||
| Depends. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, I think it should just be an option for if something's up. | ||
| Like, what happened there? | ||
| Did he get rocked or did he fall on his ankle? | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Like, what happened there? | ||
| And there's only one way to tell sometimes. | ||
| You gotta see it again. | ||
| Can I see that again, please? | ||
| They should be able to say, can I see that again, please? | ||
| Every sport has that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, they have instant replays now, which is interesting. | ||
| Like, say if a guy pokes a guy in the eye and the judge wants to call for an instant replay. | ||
| But once they institute the instant replay in some states, the fight is over. | ||
| That's silly. | ||
| That's so crazy. | ||
| That doesn't make any sense. | ||
| So if I say no instant replay, I'll just take this eye poke and keep fighting, that's okay? | ||
| But if you want to look at it on video, the fight's over. | ||
| What? | ||
| That's right. | ||
| I compare it to the NBA, which I watch a lot. | ||
| They go to the replay a lot, which is a little annoying as a viewer, but they're trying to get it right, which they have a team of people in New York where they're watching all the angles. | ||
| They can pull up anything they want. | ||
| They can see anything. | ||
| They take as much time as they need to. | ||
| Sometimes it takes five minutes, but... | ||
| Why not do that with fighting? | ||
| They get it right, you know. | ||
| Common sense. | ||
| Why doesn't that exist? | ||
| It should definitely exist, and I mean, we talked about it with Michael Chandler yesterday that there should be more judges. | ||
| Definitely shouldn't be only three judges. | ||
| It's ridiculous. | ||
| It doesn't make any sense. | ||
| There's no reason to limit it to three judges. | ||
| I bet you would get far more competent, far more knowledgeable judges for free than you would even if you paid them. | ||
| Pull up their fucking Twitter account. | ||
| Blow their Twitter account up. | ||
| They'll judge you for free. | ||
| There's so many MMA fans out there that would love to judge fights, and they actually understand fighting. | ||
| They really get it, and they love it. | ||
| They're not just doing it because it's a job, and they used to do boxing, and this is a good way to make $1,500 on a Saturday night or whatever. | ||
| They're doing it because they actually love it. | ||
| So many people would do it. | ||
| It would be way better. | ||
| You could definitely judge from home, too. | ||
| We definitely should have... | ||
| I mean, why not have, like, an online scorecard as well? | ||
| Like, why not have that as an option so the UFC could let everybody know how bad the judges are? | ||
| I mean, I'm not saying that everybody online is gonna know what the fuck they're talking about, but enough people online are gonna know what they're talking about where it'll balance out. | ||
| So if you had just, like, Ten judges and then the online judges. | ||
| Have an online scorecard. | ||
| If you pay for Fight Pass, you probably are willing to have some knowledge on the sport. | ||
| Yeah! | ||
| Just put it in the app. | ||
| Say like Connor fights Unknown Bob. | ||
| All the Connor fans are going to vote for him anyway. | ||
| Yeah, but it'll balance out because Unknown Bob will probably have some fans too. | ||
| And then people will be a bunch of haters. | ||
| They're hoping that Connor fails because he's got a limousine. | ||
| Fight Pass, you've got to pay for your vote in that case. | ||
| You want to pay ten bucks every time. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| If you add an app, you have a UFC app, and the app, all it has to do, they just make it so it's interactive. | ||
| So with each fight, after the fight's over, you click winner or loser. | ||
| You know, that's all you have to do. | ||
| Just click winner. | ||
| And if you're optional, you could put in your own score, but get the fuck out of here. | ||
| The scoring sucks anyway. | ||
| The 10-point must system is stupid. | ||
| It's a borrowed system. | ||
| It's not a good system for all those weapons. | ||
| It's a good system for two weapons. | ||
| Punches. | ||
| You got kicks and knees and elbows and chokes, takedowns, defense. | ||
| You got slams and throws and, come on, wheel kicks and spinning back kicks. | ||
| What's better, a spinning back kick or a jab? | ||
| Boxing is a punch or a punch. | ||
| Like, that punch was harder than that punch. | ||
| But unless someone's kicking you in the leg, you don't even know what that feels like. | ||
| You have no idea. | ||
| The guy's just walking around like nothing happened. | ||
| You can't score that if nobody's ever kicked you in the legs. | ||
| They should have a full bodysuit that detects punches and how strong it is. | ||
| Yeah, but then it takes away from the fucking rawness of it all. | ||
| You can't have people fighting in bodysuits. | ||
| Well, in the future, it will look like you don't have anything on. | ||
| A lot of gals have to wear something that covers their midsection. | ||
| They have a sports bra, strapped down, sort of jammy, and they wear something that covers their midsection too. | ||
| That's interesting. | ||
| They have to have their stomach covered. | ||
| Or they're allowed to have their stomach covered. | ||
| Just to keep their boobs in check. | ||
| Like, everybody's gotta stay in the party. | ||
| Can't fuck up those titties. | ||
| Cats and Gone will be on soon. | ||
| She'll explain it to us. | ||
| Because she had a wardrobe malfunction in one of her fights. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Jamie, pull that up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Slip of the dark skin. | |
| Just a tiny slip, slip, slip of the dark skin. | ||
| Isn't that funny? | ||
| Every dude shows his nipple. | ||
| Every dude who fights shows his nipple. | ||
| Girl goes out and shows her nipple. | ||
| Everybody goes crazy. | ||
| You know what's funny? | ||
| Twitch? | ||
| Twitch won't even let a grown man take off his shirt. | ||
| Good. | ||
| You'll be banned. | ||
| Keep your clothes on, you freak. | ||
| People are always like, why don't you broadcast on Twitch? | ||
| Because if I can get banned for just showing a nipple, what else? | ||
| I mean, anything. | ||
| A man can get banned. | ||
| Like Burt Kreischer, if he tried to do the Burt cast on Twitch, he would immediately be banned. | ||
| He could maybe talk to them and they might be able to. | ||
| But most people, yeah, it's against the guidelines to show skin like that. | ||
| It's a lot of those things. | ||
| That's the only problem with Twitch is you forget it's made for babies. | ||
| That's so silly. | ||
| You can't show man boobs? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's pretty ridiculous. | ||
| What if you're super flat chested? | ||
| What if you take your shirt off and you're smooth? | ||
| I just don't want people taking their shirts off there. | ||
| Okay, what if you take your shirt off and you have pasties on? | ||
| They do have people that do body paint, so there is a little bit of a... | ||
| Oh! | ||
| Body paint's okay, huh? | ||
| So if you decide to do the British flag, paint that over your body, that's okay? | ||
| But you just can't be no paint. | ||
| Strip clubs in Columbus, Ohio, the ones that serve alcohol, they can't even show their tits. | ||
| They have to wear pasties. | ||
| But they have pasties that look like better areolas. | ||
| You know, like, oh, I'm going to have these nice darker ones. | ||
| Like fake pasties? | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| That's sick. | ||
| Body paint's pretty cool when it's done right. | ||
| Well, that is incredible. | ||
| That's really good. | ||
| Go back to that again. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That's neat. | ||
| There's a couple of them. | ||
| I'm missing this. | ||
| She's doing this character on the side here. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But that's all her, really? | ||
| I'm pretty sure. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Well, she's definitely got some kind of a boob pad going on. | ||
| Wow, that's amazing. | ||
| Yeah, some people are really good. | ||
| She did that to herself? | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| Have you ever seen the girl on Instagram where she will paint her eyes up here and then have a fake nose and a fake mouth and it looks like a completely different face and then she opens her real eyes and you're like, well, that's not... | ||
| I don't remember her name though. | ||
| I'll find it. | ||
| She's hot. | ||
| Yeah, this is basically you're looking at naked boobs that just got paint on them, so we let it slide. | ||
| So is this this girl's thing? | ||
| She just gets her boobs painted and goes on... | ||
| Oh my gosh, she does. | ||
| That's her thing. | ||
| That is hilarious. | ||
| That's great. | ||
| That's a way that you could see the whole thing. | ||
| Girls are trying to figure out, this dress is just not tight enough. | ||
| It's not revealing enough. | ||
| There were some girls that were playing games on Twitch just in like a bikini or whatnot, and they got in trouble for that, so they had to take their scheme over to YouTube or some other sites. | ||
| How long before someone comes up with a non-toxic paint that girls can paint all over their body and it's like a thin nylon layer and they'll go out and you'll see everything. | ||
| So you know there's going to be a few girls that just go for it. | ||
| Like this, Deadpool here, naked Deadpool girl. | ||
| There's going to be girls like that that just go for it. | ||
| My favorite is if you Google Twitch girl doesn't realize cameras still on after show and masturbates. | ||
| That's a good one. | ||
| That stuff's fake. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Is it? | |
| Yeah, 100%. | ||
| Don't tell me. | ||
| You got busted, son. | ||
| Are you falling for that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Come on. | |
| Because the one I saw looked really real. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You just have the dream. | |
| You wanted it to be real. | ||
| That's ridiculous. | ||
| You call bullshit on everything. | ||
| Why did you not call bullshit on that? | ||
| I think this was like a well-known girl that did it, no? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Did she contact you on Instagram? | ||
| Was her name Mary9045? | ||
| Did you say hello, dear? | ||
| Well, no. | ||
| I mean, look. | ||
| There was no reason why it was like a bad... | ||
| Like she was half off the camera. | ||
| Like it looked like... | ||
| It wasn't like her center perfectly. | ||
| Like that's how I would do it if I was going to fake something. | ||
| No. | ||
| Wouldn't you fake it like that? | ||
| I guess I'm right. | ||
| Come on, son. | ||
| How dare you? | ||
| It's just sad. | ||
| Sad that you got roped into that. | ||
| I feel less of you now. | ||
| It's the first time it's happened, Joe. | ||
| There's too many scams. | ||
| There is. | ||
| Too easy to get. | ||
| The new one, I almost got scammed the other day. | ||
| The new one, I don't know what's going on lately with robocalls, but I'm getting a call almost every day like, this is the IRS. You need to contact us now. | ||
| Or, this is AT&T. We need to talk to you about your billing. | ||
| Please enter your credit card info right now. | ||
| Do they call you when you're high? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Non-stop. | ||
| No, but it's interesting because I think T-Mobile does it. | ||
| Does your phone come up now just as scam likely? | ||
| Does it do that? | ||
| Yeah, like T-Mobile's now filtering out these calls and it's telling me if it's a scam. | ||
| Ooh, I like T-Mobile. | ||
| I like that. | ||
| Yeah, it's gonna be cool and say merge recently that as the rest of the world sort of gets online like For instance like parts of Africa that aren't online now will be online eventually That the scams will switch back like the Nigerian Prince scam will be American scamming people in Africa They don't know about the scams yet because they haven't been a part of it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh my god That's like some theories That's not a bad theory. | |
| But those people were really good at scamming lonely people. | ||
| It was such a sad show I was watching once about this old guy. | ||
| And I think the guy's daughter was trying to tell him that this girl wasn't real. | ||
| And he kept going to England for her. | ||
| He went to Europe twice. | ||
| To meet her and both times something came up she couldn't meet him and then he went back again and he keeps sending her money He's been sending her money sent her I want to say like a quarter million dollars and His daughter was like it's not really you can see the guy like like they're filming him and talking to him and he had this like Look in his eye like he's hoping they're wrong but thinking they might be right like he was going insane He was going insane from loneliness Sad. | ||
| I see it every day on the webcam sites. | ||
| Yeah, there's guys that every single day I go there, the same guy's there, and he's spending money non-stop all day long, and he's just on there all day. | ||
| He must spend thousands of dollars a day. | ||
| How a billion-dollar internet scam is breaking hearts and bank accounts, criminal networks defraud lonely people around the world with false promises of love and romance. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sigh. | |
| You know, you can analyze this from a lot of ways like it's predatory behavior. | ||
| I caught a coyote in my yard last night. | ||
| It's predatory behavior, right? | ||
| There's gonna have human coyotes. | ||
| You're always gonna... | ||
| I didn't catch them like catch them, catch them. | ||
| I chased them out of my yard. | ||
| They're trying to get my chickens. | ||
| But this is a predatory behavior on a weak person, you know? | ||
| On one hand, I feel upset that they would go after these people, these lonely people. | ||
| But on the other hand, it's fascinating to me because what a drug people's love is. | ||
| What a drug that is. | ||
| How important it is that people find people that care about them, that like them and care about them. | ||
| It's so important. | ||
| When you don't have that in your life, you just feel so empty. | ||
| And it's one of probably the most major sources of like bad feelings in people. | ||
| So they just don't have anybody that loves them. | ||
| They don't have good friends. | ||
| They don't have good people around them. | ||
| And they're just sad. | ||
| Just sad. | ||
| To the point where someone comes along and goes, sad. | ||
| We can help you. | ||
| Sad. | ||
| Come on. | ||
| Come over here. | ||
| We've got girls. | ||
| Girls who want to meet you. | ||
| Girls in your town. | ||
| Girls. | ||
| Sign up. | ||
| You can meet girls. | ||
| Girls? | ||
| What kind of girls? | ||
| You know, it's like someone offering you food. | ||
| Facebook's new online dating service won't have ads. | ||
| I thought that said won't have AIDS. That's what I thought it said. | ||
| I was like, what the fuck are they saying? | ||
| It sounds like that'll take advantage of what you're talking about right now. | ||
| Their new online dating service won't have ads. | ||
| So, but it will have Russians. | ||
| All Russians. | ||
| All the time. | ||
| Well, I mean, it'd be nice if people could just meet people in the real world. | ||
| Just meeting people online stuff. | ||
| It's so weird how, like, I talk to people that use Tinder. | ||
| They hook up on Tinder, like, weekly. | ||
| And there's a lot of these people, like, that's all they do. | ||
| They'll just fuck people on Tinder all day. | ||
| And it just makes you wonder how many people just do that. | ||
| Like, you'll date a woman and she's already been fucked, like, seven times from, you know, you're the same... | ||
| You're taking extreme risks with your VD. There was a fucking thing where they wanted to sue online dating apps. | ||
| Someone was saying, should online dating apps be responsible for the increase in sexually transmitted diseases? | ||
| Should they be responsible? | ||
| As if they have some obligation to tell you to wear rubber. | ||
| How fucking stupid that is. | ||
| Like, they have some obligation. | ||
| They're like, you know, like, look, you know these poor little children are going to go fucking. | ||
| You need to tell them. | ||
| They need to protect themselves. | ||
| Like, these grown adults! | ||
| Grown adults using an app! | ||
| Tinder and Grindr don't want to talk about their role in rising STDs. | ||
| Good! | ||
| Why do you want to talk to them, you muckraking piece of shit? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ha ha ha ha ha! | |
| They don't have a role. | ||
| They connect people together. | ||
| People make their own decisions. | ||
| You've got to be responsible for your own actions, especially when it comes to something like that. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| And, you know, the other part is, like, the demonization of sex is a big part of this. | ||
| What about Tinder and Grindr? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What are you doing? | |
| All those people are just having sex and getting STDs. | ||
| You're responsible. | ||
| What about your part? | ||
| What about your role? | ||
| Get out of here. | ||
| That's ridiculous. | ||
| That's ridiculous. | ||
| Do bars have a role in liver sclerosis? | ||
| Should they pay people out? | ||
| Should they be financially responsible? | ||
| They're literally selling you the shit that kills you, and they have zero responsibility. | ||
| As long as they don't serve you while you're drunk and driving, as long as they cut you off in time, they say, hey, you got too drunk, we cut them off. | ||
| All right. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sounds good. | |
| They literally sell you the stuff that does it to you. | ||
| And no one cares. | ||
| As they should. | ||
| No one should care. | ||
| You're a fucking grown adult. | ||
| There's Grindr. | ||
| Those are dudes banging each other all day. | ||
| Do you think that anyone's gonna stop that? | ||
| Oh, oh, I shouldn't connect these people? | ||
| You shouldn't make money connecting them. | ||
| You shouldn't give them the opportunity to do exactly what they want as grown adults with a limited amount of time on Earth. | ||
| You got 90 years if you're lucky. | ||
| If you want to spend 45 of them raw-dogging dudes, you go. | ||
| You go, boy. | ||
| Who gives a shit? | ||
|
unidentified
|
They don't want to talk about their responsibilities. | |
| Shut the fuck up! | ||
| Babies. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I got very upset about something that doesn't even have anything to do with me. | |
| Especially Grindr. | ||
| Now that Backpage is closed, like all these websites are closing, it's very interesting to see what happens next, where people are going to find their hookups and stuff. | ||
| I was reading this thing where sex workers are in danger because of this. | ||
| Because before they used to be able to vet Customers and then customers would have like a record of using other sex workers and they could know who the psychos were and who to avoid. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| And they could also screen people, like actively screen. | ||
| They could do all this, they were saying. | ||
| I was reading an article about it where this girl who, I don't remember if they gave her name out or not, but she worked in a brothel and she was talking about it. | ||
| And it's like, why are they doing this? | ||
| Is it because of a crime? | ||
| Like, what's the crime? | ||
| So if they get together through Tinder or Grindr, that's fine. | ||
| Because that's two people that decide to have sex. | ||
| But as long as they're grown adults and one person just wants to get paid... | ||
| And the other person's like, well, I'll pay you. | ||
| And they go, okay, okay, fine. | ||
| Why is that illegal? | ||
| We're not talking about sex trafficking for children. | ||
| We're not talking about slavery. | ||
| We're just talking about, let's just look at it from the cleanest perspective possible. | ||
| Grown adult who likes sex decides she wants to work in a brothel. | ||
| Is that possible? | ||
| Is it possible for you to do that? | ||
| For it to be a grown adult who actually enjoys it, doesn't have any problem with it, decides that it's better than working at Wendy's. | ||
| Isn't that possible? | ||
| I mean, people don't want to say it. | ||
| Nobody wants to say that it's possible. | ||
| Nobody wants to ever look at it that way. | ||
| The war on sex workers needs to stop now, Rolling Stone. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You know, it just seems like a dumb thing to chase down. | ||
| I mean, I think if people want to have sex with each other... | ||
| Nobody has a problem with it. | ||
| But if people want to pay people to have sex, then it's a problem. | ||
| That seems so crazy. | ||
| Again, we're not talking about child slavery. | ||
| We're not talking about sex slaves. | ||
| We're not talking about anything against anybody's will. | ||
| We're just talking about people who would choose to do that. | ||
| Like, why not? | ||
| And I've always used this example, but it's a good example. | ||
| Why is it okay for me to get a massage? | ||
| It's okay for me to pay someone to give me pleasure all over my body except my genitals. | ||
| Like they could rub my neck and my feet. | ||
| They can get you all up in my feet, man. | ||
| They get those thumbs and start working your feet and you're like, uh, they crack your toes, pop, pop. | ||
| It feels great. | ||
| That's fine, but they can't jerk you off. | ||
| If they jerked you off, that would be a terrible sin against God and man. | ||
| If they touched your penis, which feels really good when you touch it, can't do that. | ||
| I know a dude who said he gets asshole massages. | ||
| Yeah, that actually happens all the time to me. | ||
| The interior of your asshole. | ||
| They massage the interior of your asshole. | ||
| That's okay, because it's just a massage. | ||
| Prostate massage. | ||
| What's weird is when they do it and they don't ask you. | ||
| Because a lot of massage people just do it. | ||
| That's a part of the massage and they just start... | ||
| No, no. | ||
| I don't want that. | ||
| Apparently some people get it where they use a tool and they actually go inside your asshole and rub down. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| That's a tool. | ||
| The other one. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fist. | |
| Fist. | ||
| They use some sort of a thing to fucking check your butt. | ||
| That's okay. | ||
| That's fine. | ||
| That's fine. | ||
| Just don't touch the dick. | ||
| If you touch the dick, it's goddamn crime. | ||
| They're waiting outside the door with a pistol. | ||
| You just let me know when he touches the dick. | ||
| He's just rubbing his asshole. | ||
| Check the books. | ||
| Is that alright? | ||
| Ah, his dick's not even hard. | ||
| Okay. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| We're ready. | ||
| We're ready! | ||
| We're gonna break into this fucking shitty place as soon as we find out that he's getting his dick touched. | ||
| Like, you could get someone to just massage your asshole. | ||
| Just get in there with- squeeze your butt cheeks and get two thumbs in your asshole. | ||
| What am I doing? | ||
| I'm doing a sphincter massage. | ||
| It's very important to release some of the chakras and negative energy and some of the toxins that are stored in your body from processed foods and modern lifestyle. | ||
| So we're just going in your asshole with some guru. | ||
| Let's talk people into... | ||
| Thumbing him in the ass. | ||
| It's so weird that I've never, like, I just recently found out all that shit that's happening in massage parlors, but, like, you know, ten years ago, I had no clue. | ||
| I would go buy a massage parlor and go, oh, that's where massage is. | ||
| There's nothing bad going on here. | ||
| I wonder how many places like that are, like, psychics. | ||
| What happens at psychics at four in the morning? | ||
| Why are they open at four in the morning? | ||
| Is that where you get your ass eaten out? | ||
| And you don't learn about that until you're 70 or something? | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| I think psychics are open late at night because, A, it's a scam, and B, when it's late at night, they're drunk. | ||
| And maybe it's a girl who's driving home, and the guy texted her, and she doesn't know. | ||
| Should I text him back? | ||
| Why is he texting me so late? | ||
| That's kind of disrespectful. | ||
| I don't know if he's the one. | ||
| And she pulls into that psychic's office. | ||
| And she's like... | ||
| I just need you to tell me about my future. | ||
| And the psychic is like, I sense there's a problem. | ||
| A romantic interest. | ||
| Ugh, my boyfriend. | ||
| Yes, yes, you're stressed. | ||
| There's something deeply troubling you. | ||
| You're confused. | ||
| I am confused. | ||
| Yes, you're confused. | ||
| You're trying to... | ||
| The decision's hard to... | ||
| There's something coming up. | ||
| Something's happening. | ||
| Yeah, you want to see me come over to the house and fuck it? | ||
| I don't want to do it. | ||
| Yes, that's it. | ||
| There's a thing that he's wanting you to do that you're not so sure if he's the one. | ||
| Is that it? | ||
| Yes! | ||
| Oh my God! | ||
| That's what I said when I was on the way over here. | ||
| And then when he said, you're not sure if he's the one, I'm like, oh my fucking God! | ||
| Is it like written on my forehead? | ||
| How's it possible he knows? | ||
| He fucking knew about Mark, he knew about our relationship problems, and he knew that I was on my way over there wondering whether or not he's the one. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't think he's the one. | |
| I don't think he's the one. | ||
| I think you're my favorite girl voice guy. | ||
| I'm fucking serious. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You want to be a fucking asshole and hang out with your friends and all this bullshit when I'm trying to figure out how this fucking psychic knows you're not the one for me. | |
| How does this psychic know? | ||
| How does she know? | ||
| Friend of mine went to one, he's like, he knew my grandmother's, everything about my relationship with my grandmother. | ||
| I go, don't you know? | ||
| Don't you know everything about your relationship with your grandmother? | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| You want to pay people to tell you shit you already knew? | ||
| It's four o'clock. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It is four o'clock! | |
| You're fucking nuts! | ||
| I'm wearing a watch! | ||
| When it rains out, you get wet. | ||
| Whoa, this guy's crazy. | ||
| Tell me all the shit I already knew. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| I bet psychics are way better nowadays because of technology. | ||
| They probably have a little earpiece and some guy in the back is looking at their license plate number online and finding out where they live and just feeding the person information. | ||
| I bet psychics are killer now. | ||
| I bet there's some, probably. | ||
| They're super high scam-y level. | ||
| Because you want to repeat customers, so if you're that accurate, I bet there's a huge scam in that. | ||
| That is a crazy thing. | ||
| If you're driving, like you're driving through Burbank or some shit, every couple miles, you see one of those psychic reader places. | ||
| Five in the morning, open, big hand on the front, like a handjob place, but it's a psychic? | ||
| I went to one once when I was in New York, and I was going to these fucking stupid auditions. | ||
| I did not want to act, and I was just... | ||
| It wasn't what I was interested in doing, but your agency would tell you, well, you really should look into this, and you'd see what it was. | ||
| It was like some role that you... | ||
| Not only was I not going to get it, but I didn't want it. | ||
| This is not even funny. | ||
| It's super serious. | ||
| Yeah, but you should do it so they know what you could do. | ||
| Commercials. | ||
| I'd go in and read for commercials, and I'd be like, what the fuck am I doing? | ||
| So I left one of them, and I was terrible at it, too. | ||
| It was terrible auditioning. | ||
| And then I went to this... | ||
| I went to this psychic, and I'm like, well, fuck it, let's see. | ||
| It's only like, I don't remember how much it was, like five bucks, ten bucks. | ||
| She's like, you don't get along with your brothers. | ||
| I go, I don't have any brothers. | ||
| Shit. | ||
| I looked at her. | ||
| She don't know anything! | ||
| I looked in her eyes, and she looked at me, and I knew that she knew that I knew she was full of shit. | ||
| I knew she was full of shit. | ||
| I looked at her, I don't have any brothers. | ||
| She was like, shit, I got crazy. | ||
| She got gangster. | ||
| She took a swing. | ||
| She's like, I'm sensing brothers from this asshole. | ||
| Got a chip in his shoulder. | ||
| Brothers probably beat him up. | ||
| No. | ||
| It came from a bad audition. | ||
| You missed it, lady. | ||
| It's weird how we all know it's bullshit, for the most part. | ||
| Maybe there's some weirdo that actually can do some shit. | ||
| But we still accept it. | ||
| People still go to it, even though they know deep down, like, hey, we have a gun to your head right now. | ||
| Is this real? | ||
| If you do the wrong answer, then we're going to blow your head off. | ||
| Everyone's going to be like, no, it's not real. | ||
| Even the people that believe psychics the most are going to say, no, it's not real. | ||
| What do you say? | ||
| Yeah, most likely. | ||
| If it comes to a bullet in the head. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But we still do it. | ||
| Or crystals. | ||
| Oh, no, these crystals are healing me. | ||
| Oh, yeah, gun to the head. | ||
| Do you think they're really healing you? | ||
| Do you think this rock is healing you? | ||
| No, no! | ||
| No one's going to say yes. | ||
| Well... | ||
| Here's the thing about those crystals and those magnet things and all that shit. | ||
| The one weird thing is the placebo effect. | ||
| Placebo effect is real. | ||
| It's very real. | ||
| Do you remember those holograms that people were wearing for a while on those rubber bracelets? | ||
| Yeah, Brody has like four of them. | ||
| Dude, there was world-class UFC fighters that were wearing those stupid fucking things. | ||
| Like top-of-the-food-chain assassins. | ||
| And they were like, dude, I'm telling you, it's been helping my elbow. | ||
| I'm like, what? | ||
| The fuck are you talking about? | ||
| And I talked to one of the guys. | ||
| Goldberg was wearing one for a while. | ||
| My buddy, Mike Goldberg, was wearing one. | ||
| I was like, dude, I don't think that's real. | ||
| He's like, you don't think? | ||
| I go, I don't think so. | ||
| He's like, you want to meet with the guys who make it? | ||
| I go, okay. | ||
| I met with the guys who make it. | ||
| And they try to do one of those strength test things on you. | ||
| Like, here's what I want you to do. | ||
| I'm going to put this rubber band on you. | ||
| I want you to put your arm straight out, and I'm going to push down on it. | ||
| And they're like, halfway pushed down. | ||
| It's one of those things. | ||
| It's like, okay, try to lift your arm up. | ||
| And they're like, push down on your hand. | ||
| And then you go, okay. | ||
| And I'll put this rubber bracelet on you. | ||
| Now try to lift your arm up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You're like, wow! | |
| This is crazy. | ||
| I can lift my arm up because you weren't holding it back. | ||
| You're not a machine. | ||
| Like you could regulate how much force you're putting. | ||
| I know what you're doing. | ||
| I go, this is a goddamn carnival trick. | ||
| So I said to the guy, I go, this is a goddamn carnival trick. | ||
| And Goldberg was like, is this fake? | ||
| I go, it's fake. | ||
| Oh my God, is this fake? | ||
| I go, what is this? | ||
| I go, you tell me how this works. | ||
| You have a piece of plastic that you're telling me I'm going to put on a rubber band. | ||
| It's going to make me stronger. | ||
| Dude, okay, I didn't spend a lot of time in school, but I spent enough. | ||
| Fuck you! | ||
| You can't do a hologram inside a hologram anyway. | ||
| Life is a hologram. | ||
| Yeah, that's true. | ||
| It's all a hologram. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| They don't even exist. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| There's certain things that make you think it might be a hologram. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Power scam. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| Power Bounce admits the wristbands are a scam. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Of course. | |
| Wait a minute. | ||
| No way, bro. | ||
| We admit that there's no credible scientific evidence that supports our claims and therefore we engage in misleading conduct. | ||
| Yeah, I called that shit out in like 2001. I was like, what are you guys doing? | ||
| Like, what is this? | ||
| Who's wearing that? | ||
| Why would you think that would work? | ||
| They had to publish that in Australian media. | ||
| Yeah, because Australia is fucking smarter than us. | ||
| Because of their bogus claims and pseudoscientific mumbo-jumbo. | ||
| But this seems to be the first time in which a regulatory authority has made them admit their claims are simply a fraud. | ||
| Hmm. | ||
| Derp. | ||
| Look, there's some shit that makes you strong, but it's not a rubber band with a piece of plastic attached to it. | ||
| It's CBD oil. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| You want something that makes you feel better. | ||
| CBD oil is real. | ||
| They're trying to make that illegal. | ||
| There is some people that say that there's no... | ||
| Scientific proof that CBD even works. | ||
| It's always the other ingredients that are mixed with the CBD. They'll take the same ingredients that's in Bengay and then put CBD in it also and they say, doesn't this feel numb now? | ||
| I heard that there's no real concrete evidence that CBD, because there's no tests. | ||
| I thought there was evidence that it decreased inflammation. | ||
| Isn't there evidence that it decreased inflammation? | ||
| The problem is scientific studies. | ||
| All these things... | ||
| Right, it might be... | ||
| I might be mind-fucking myself when I put that stuff on. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You might. | |
| It seems to work, though. | ||
| Especially for my elbow. | ||
| My tendinitis. | ||
| I feel it like it works. | ||
| Finally getting over. | ||
| Dude, I finally could do chin-ups. | ||
| I couldn't do chin-ups for months. | ||
| Months. | ||
| Try years, Joe. | ||
| Want some of this? | ||
| It'll help. | ||
| It's got CBD in it. | ||
| I was not doing any chin-ups or anything heavy. | ||
| I was doing mostly running and yoga for months because of this fucking elbow. | ||
| I've never had tendonitis before. | ||
| I've had muscle pulls and stuff and injuries. | ||
| I never had tendonitis. | ||
| And this was a dumb one because I meatheaded my way through it. | ||
| I meatheaded it into a bad place. | ||
| I was like, don't be a pussy. | ||
| Just keep working out. | ||
| And then it got real bad. | ||
| And then it, until I did a bunch of different stuff to it. | ||
| I did stem cells and Regenikine. | ||
| But the thing that helped the most is this rubber thing. | ||
| Oh, is that a roller? | ||
| No, it's not. | ||
| It's called a Thermaband. | ||
| I've talked about this so many times that I can't... | ||
| TheraBand, rather. | ||
| I can't buy them on Amazon anymore. | ||
| People have bought them out. | ||
| But I'm glad because they work. | ||
| If you have a... | ||
| It's cheap, too. | ||
| It's just a piece of rubber. | ||
| And if you don't have this and you have something that can do a similar exercise, it'll probably help, too. | ||
| But what you do is you twist it and then in the release... | ||
| Twist it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You twist this thing. | ||
| And in the release, you twist it with your hand like this, and then the release with the right hand, my right elbow was the one that was injured, and just slowly letting it down, it works this part of your arm. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, that's cool. | |
| In a weird way. | ||
| So even though it's injured, it doesn't hurt it, but it strengthens it. | ||
| That's great. | ||
| It works a lot. | ||
| So I'll just pick this fucker up and do it 10 times, 12 times, 15 times, and do it several times a day. | ||
| It made a big difference, man. | ||
| Like, right away, I could feel it. | ||
| It feels like everything around it is strengthened and stabilized, and it just started feeling better. | ||
| Because you're putting a load on it, and then you're making it release the load. | ||
| Instead of, like, pulling it in the direction that you injured it, you're strengthening it in the, I guess it would be the eccentric way. | ||
| Eccentric? | ||
| Eccentric way? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hmm. | |
| So there you go. | ||
| Don't get tendonitis, kids. | ||
| I had recently from, I think, using cell phones too much and computers too much. | ||
| Carpal tunnel? | ||
| Like carpal tunnel, to the point where my hand hurt. | ||
| I think it's the same shit. | ||
| It's repetitive stress. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Secretaries get that, right? | ||
| From a lot of typing and stuff? | ||
| Hairstylists also get it a lot. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I know a tattoo artist that has it. | ||
| Yeah, and right now, just me even saying it, I'm like, it's still actually really sore. | ||
| My hand's still good. | ||
| Tattoo guys will get it in their wrist, too. | ||
| And, you know, for a lot of those guys, they start getting addicted to anti-inflammatories and, you know, different things. | ||
| Because you have to use your fingers for work. | ||
| Can you imagine if you had to do something with your hands like that for work and you started feeling that pain? | ||
| Like, this is just my elbow, you know? | ||
| I mean, I can do pretty much everything. | ||
| But your hands, like if it's in your hands, fuck, that's a bitch. | ||
| I was reading this article about replacing body parts. | ||
| They were talking about all the different body parts they're on the verge of being able to replace. | ||
| They just did a face transplant, didn't they? | ||
| They've done a few of those now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| They did a few dick transplants. | ||
| Cock and balls. | ||
| Oh, that's right. | ||
| But here's the thing. | ||
| They can't do the balls. | ||
| Who wants the balls? | ||
| You don't need them. | ||
| Duncan only has one. | ||
| No, but here's the thing. | ||
| For ethical reasons, because the dead person's sperm will always be in those balls. | ||
| So here's the thing. | ||
| Say, if you took my balls, if I died, and you took my balls and put them in your body and then started having kids, those would be my kids. | ||
| They would have my genes, not yours. | ||
| You're going to have my cum inside your body growing. | ||
| You're going to make my own cum. | ||
| But that's the crazy thing. | ||
| You could make Jamie's cum. | ||
| If Jamie died and he donated his cock and balls and you took his balls and put it in your body, he would grow your cum. | ||
| Is it my cum with his sperm? | ||
| Don't do that, Jamie. | ||
| It's his sperm, my cum. | ||
| It's your balls. | ||
| So it's your sperm and your cum. | ||
| You. | ||
| It's your jizz. | ||
| Let's just call it jizz, for scientific purposes. | ||
| What happens if I have one of your balls and one of Jamie's balls, though? | ||
| What happens if I have... | ||
| Oh, we have a fucking crapshoot. | ||
| You don't know who the hell that kid's gonna... | ||
| I have gay friends that took... | ||
| They had a kid through a surrogate, and they took their cum and just mixed it up like a swirly. | ||
| I'm like, let's see. | ||
| Let's see who wins the race. | ||
| You know, they don't really know who won the race. | ||
| That's how they mixed it up. | ||
| They have a cute kid. | ||
| He's a great kid. | ||
| But they don't know who won that race. | ||
| They gargled it. | ||
| They have their guesses. | ||
| I read there's a Jenner baby situation going on potentially with one of their bodyguards or something. | ||
| Sexy. | ||
| The mom of the most recent kid is... | ||
| The mom of the baby daddy is saying you need to get it checked because he's a famous rapper. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ooh. | |
| Looks like his... | ||
| Ooh. | ||
| Looks like the bodyguard? | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| I bet those bodyguards get in there. | ||
| Of course they do. | ||
| They're probably ripped. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Wasn't there a big thing about Kylie? | ||
| She has a sexy bodyguard. | ||
| I think that's the one. | ||
| This dude looks like he's in a goddamn Bruce Lee movie. | ||
| Right? | ||
| They all have to sleep with the bodyguards. | ||
| What are you talking about? | ||
| You have this guy that just works out all the time. | ||
| Kylie Jennings bodyguard cryptically responds to baby daddy rumors. | ||
| Okay, I'm out. | ||
| Can't do this anymore. | ||
| Can't do it anymore. | ||
| Can't do it anymore. | ||
| He's a handsome fellow, that bodyguard. | ||
| I wouldn't blame the gal. | ||
| It's happened before, though, currently. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hey! | |
| What are you gonna do? | ||
| Not them, I don't know. | ||
| What are you gonna do? | ||
| I would just like to remind everybody we're in space, and Hawaii is exploding. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay? | |
| If you really give a fuck... | ||
| If you really give a fuck which bodyguard is getting their dick into which poor, confused young lady... | ||
| Things are going to happen that way, man. | ||
| Things are going to happen. | ||
| As you were talking about those body parts, I was going to ask if you heard about what happened to Huey Lewis recently. | ||
| I've been hearing he's got some sort of inner ear infection. | ||
| I guess he's got Meniere's. | ||
| Very recently, he was on tour. | ||
| I saw people that have been to his concerts, but he said he can hear people talking. | ||
| He was doing an interview with a woman. | ||
| He's like, I can hear your voice, but I can't hear music. | ||
| That's what he does. | ||
| It's pretty fucked up, man. | ||
| Like, ear shit is really scary. | ||
| My friend, he's an editor, and one day he just woke up and he can't hear out of his left ear. | ||
| And he still, to this day, ten years later, still can't hear out of his left ear. | ||
| It's gonna happen to me. | ||
| Pretty sure. | ||
| I have tinnitus pretty bad, yeah. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| What's tinnitus? | ||
| It's a ringing that happens. | ||
| I mean, it's been a heavy metal band, so, like, I never wore earplugs and gone to tons of concerts for, like, five-plus years. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Dude. | |
| Every other night. | ||
| Like, the camera sound that's like... | ||
| Yeah, yeah, just occasionally just go real high, and I, like, I can't hear anything out of that ear, and I sort of, like, plug it up or do something, and it'll go away eventually, but more recently, it's taken a little longer to go away. | ||
| I have that sometimes. | ||
| It's usually when it's really quiet and it'll just come out of nowhere. | ||
| I'll hear this like ringing, but it's not like every day. | ||
| Yeah, that's what it is though. | ||
| It's called tinnitus. | ||
| How do you get it? | ||
| Just from working around? | ||
| It's just hearing loss. | ||
| It could be you've heard loud things. | ||
| You've been to concerts over the years, the damage. | ||
| But the real thing, I think, is people who were around guns a lot. | ||
| I know a lot of people who were around guns a lot as a kid. | ||
| Like, they shot those clays, you know, with shotguns. | ||
| You shoot those... | ||
| John Dudley has a real bad hearing loss from that. | ||
| Nobody ever told kids back then that they need to wear earmuffs. | ||
| Like, nobody wore ear protection. | ||
| They would go to the range with just no earmuffs on. | ||
| Just bang, bang, bang! | ||
| Dude, concerts! | ||
| I don't think I, growing up, I ever even thought of that. | ||
| Like, I would sit right next to the speaker on purpose, like I had a Nine Inch Nail concert, just because like, oh man, you know, you're, no one talked about that back then. | ||
| That's ridiculous. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| See if you can find video of them in a gun range with no ear protection. | ||
| Because I don't think I'm making that up. | ||
| I think I remember watching people on a range just shooting guns with no earplugs. | ||
| Nowadays, it doesn't matter, though, because they're hearing aids nowadays. | ||
| It's like you have earbuds in now, and you get Bluetooth to your phone and everything. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's cool. | ||
| I want hearing aids. | ||
| Well, they have those things called game ears. | ||
| You can put them in your hearing, in your ear canal, rather, like a hearing aid, and they amplify sounds extraordinarily. | ||
| And hunters use them in the woods. | ||
| They put them in, and they call them game ears. | ||
| I think it's called a walker's game ear. | ||
| I put it on before it freaked me out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I took it right off. | |
| That's crazy. | ||
| I don't even want to hear this. | ||
| I don't think that's what you're looking for exactly, but this guy's trying to tell people how to do it, and he's just plugging up his ear. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Shorter. | |
| Shorter. | ||
| That's not what I'm looking for. | ||
| I'm looking for, like, old school. | ||
| So he's saying, this is how I shoot guns if I don't have hearing protection. | ||
| I just put... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's some articles of people discussing it, but nothing's really... | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Maybe I imagined it. | ||
| But I remember seeing, like, an old school range, some dude with a pistol with, like, a thick belt, like those hippies used to wear, and a belt buckle. | ||
| And he's firing off that gun. | ||
| Boom! | ||
| Boom! | ||
| I think the first time I shot a gun I didn't have headphones or ear protection at all. | ||
| A lot of people. | ||
| It's a bad idea. | ||
| This guy has no ear protection? | ||
| He gets up and he has a concussion almost. | ||
| He has to catch his breath. | ||
| That's so dumb. | ||
| Do you know how powerful these things are? | ||
| This is how powerful a.50 caliber is. | ||
| Somebody decided, that's a.30 caliber? | ||
| Somebody decided to try to hunt deer with this. | ||
| So there's a video, you can find it online. | ||
| Guy misses deer and the deer's head exploded as it missed. | ||
| The eyes popped out of its head. | ||
| He thought it was a perfect headshot because the deer just went down. | ||
| But what it actually was, was that the bullet passing by had so much force it instantaneously killed the deer. | ||
| Isn't that crazy? | ||
| Dude, it's insane. | ||
| It's insane. | ||
| Here it goes. | ||
| So he does this, and he's got... | ||
| This is a big-ass fucking gun. | ||
| It says 50 BMG. I don't know what that means. | ||
| Is that 50 caliber? | ||
| Is that what that means? | ||
| So look at this. | ||
| He goes over to the deer, and there's no bullet hole. | ||
| It's just eyes had blown out of its fucking head. | ||
| Just from the sheer force of that thing passing by it. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| Yeah, look, you can see it. | ||
| Like, there's a slow motion of it. | ||
| See, it passes by, doesn't even hit it, and the deer just disappears into the night. | ||
| That's nuts. | ||
| Like, imagine it has so much force, it can miss a deer and kill it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| That is so unnecessary. | ||
| Come on. | ||
| I mean, that is such a war weapon. | ||
| Fucking A, man. | ||
| That's a crazy thing to go hunting with. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoo! | |
| Do you use Uber a lot? | ||
| No. | ||
| You never do, do you? | ||
| No, I don't. | ||
| It's too risky. | ||
| I'm starting to not trust. | ||
| It's so weird. | ||
| I use it all the time. | ||
| I use food delivery services all the time, and I'm having second thoughts on the whole thing. | ||
| I think it's great. | ||
| I think Uber's great. | ||
| I'm just fucking around by saying it's risky. | ||
| I mean, the idea that you could just call a cab, like, okay, how come I can't just call an Uber? | ||
| The only argument would be that they don't screen the people as well as the cab companies do. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| That's regulated. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Which is why people like limos. | ||
| They prefer limos, you know? | ||
| I mean, I was in one recently. | ||
| The kid was probably, he seemed like he was like 17. Like, I was like, no way, this is my dryer. | ||
| And I felt like he was drunk. | ||
| Like, I was like, how do I get out of here? | ||
| You know, like, we're on a highway right now. | ||
| I can't just, you know, tell him to pull around the side of the highway, but I feel like he's going to kill me. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, there was a lady recently that went on this whole tweet thread. | ||
| She tweeted a bunch of different things to Uber about a guy. | ||
| Was it Uber or was it Lyft? | ||
| One of those. | ||
| Where a guy had taken her under a bridge and wouldn't give her her stuff back, wouldn't let her out of the car, and some passerby stopped and helped her, and she was screaming at the guy, and the guy took off. | ||
| But it was to a point where she was like, is this guy gonna rape me? | ||
| Like, is this guy gonna kill me? | ||
| Like, is this how I'm gonna end? | ||
| Like, I just jumped in a car with a stranger, and now he's decided to stop somewhere, and it's not where we're supposed to go? | ||
| He's not telling me why? | ||
| That kind of shit, like, I guess that could theoretically happen. | ||
| With any rideshare company, but with Uber, it's so weird. | ||
| It's just a person. | ||
| Just get some person to come get you. | ||
| You don't have to be hired by a company. | ||
| You never thought that with taxis, though. | ||
| You always kind of like, taxis were transportation. | ||
| You never thought, oh, this taxi driver is going to rape me or something. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Well, especially in like, the only time I usually take taxis is in New York. | ||
| New York is the place to take taxis, right? | ||
| Because it's... | ||
| They're everywhere. | ||
| Yeah, and that's how people get around. | ||
| It's like, it's an easy way to get around. | ||
| But you never know. | ||
| I mean, it's like a ride sometimes with those people. | ||
| You'd get in the car and be like, whoa, this guy is just riding people's asses and cutting people off and slamming the brakes and honking the horn. | ||
| You're like, whoa! | ||
| Like, and this dude is tuned in. | ||
| He's doing this all day. | ||
| He's probably in this fucking car 10-12 hours a day. | ||
| And so you don't expect that because you come from Columbus, Ohio. | ||
| We're from Columbus. | ||
| We still have Mormons. | ||
| Or, no, everybody has Mormons. | ||
| I went Amish. | ||
| I went the Amish. | ||
| You still have the Amish, right? | ||
| They're hip Amish with electricity. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They're really hipsters. | |
| Still don't wear deodorant. | ||
| Every time I go to New York and I get in a car and some of the New Yorkers driving, I'm always like, whoa, you guys are in the Matrix. | ||
| They just drive so much more aggressively. | ||
| If you hire a car to drive you around in New York City, they drive so much more aggressively. | ||
| They're just so used to it. | ||
| I just remember as a kid going to, like, Wyandotte Lake and, like, amusement parks. | ||
| They always went as a group to amusement parks. | ||
| So there's, like, 200 Amish people mixed in with us. | ||
| And we'd be, like, 14, 13, and, like, look at those guys. | ||
| And the Amish people always acted, like, so, almost like alien. | ||
| Like, they're from the country, and they talk weird, and they don't really talk like us. | ||
| Well, they stayed to themselves, right? | ||
| But I didn't know that they could go to amusement parks. | ||
| I thought the whole idea was that they can't use electronics. | ||
| That could have been like a different group. | ||
| There's different kinds of... | ||
| There's the Mennonites too, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's different kinds of... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Quakers. | |
| I don't know if Quakers are still around. | ||
| I was with Ari once. | ||
| We were in Massachusetts, western Massachusetts. | ||
| We stopped into this fucking truck stop to get gas and grab something to eat. | ||
| And there's a group of Mennonites. | ||
| And there's some girl that's wearing this Mennonite outfit. | ||
| And I forget how Ari asked her. | ||
| I really wish... | ||
| But it was hilarious. | ||
| It was something along the lines of, so what cult are you in? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Something along those lines. | ||
| He may have been more tactful than that. | ||
| Maybe it was something like, what's this all about? | ||
| Why are you dressed like that? | ||
| I think I was there. | ||
| I think you were too. | ||
| It was something along the lines of, what group are you with? | ||
| And we were all, of course, baked out of our minds. | ||
| We're traveling. | ||
| We're just trying to be silly. | ||
| We're just trying to have a good time. | ||
| I think Diaz was with us too, wasn't he? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But, uh, this poor lady was in this weird cult, wearing this weird outfit. | ||
| And I think she answered, like, politely, and I was like, uh, I'm in, you know, blah, blah, blah. | ||
| She was polite? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, and he's like, okay. | ||
| Ari is such a unique guy because he was, as a child, he was raised to be a very, very strict Orthodox Jew. | ||
| You know, I mean, he spent time, I forget what it's called when you go over to Israel and you just read the Torah like fucking 10, 12 hours a day. | ||
| He did that, all that stuff. | ||
| He grew the curls. | ||
| He had the little strings that hang from his belt. | ||
| He did all that. | ||
| Smitzel something. | ||
| It's called Orthodox, right? | ||
| That's Orthodox Judaism. | ||
| So when anybody tries to run any bullshit by Ari, he's like, I know this. | ||
| He knows all that stuff. | ||
| He used to have the weird curls, too, and all that stuff. | ||
| He had all that shit. | ||
| And then he just realized, as he got older and wiser, he's like, oh my god, this is all bullshit. | ||
| Not that it is, folks. | ||
| This is just Ari. | ||
| Don't take your minute's word for it. | ||
| But he's a funny guy with that stuff. | ||
| Because, like, I think only someone who's truly seen it from the eyes of an absolute believer. | ||
| That's probably what he really looked like. | ||
| Imagine that. | ||
| He's gone through so many weird looks. | ||
| Remember when Ari just had, like, he would always wear the small hats? | ||
| Or something like that. | ||
| You wore small hats? | ||
| I remember hats. | ||
| Remember he always had that hat that would just hang on the side of his head? | ||
| I think he had his head shaved like a bald... | ||
| He definitely shaved his head like a bald person for a while. | ||
| Did he grow a mullet? | ||
| A mohawk? | ||
| A mohawk there. | ||
| He's an animal. | ||
| He doesn't give a fuck. | ||
| I like that look. | ||
| I like the mohawk look. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The new thing is the no glasses look. | ||
| He got the LASIKs done. | ||
| Oh, that's right. | ||
| Powerful vision now. | ||
| He can see. | ||
| He got an infected toe and he had to get it chopped off. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| He trolled me about, like, that he got an infection on his big toe and he had to get it removed. | ||
| You know what else is really good for that is Kurt Metzger. | ||
| Because Kurt Metzger was in, was he in the Moonies or the Christian Jehovah's Witness? | ||
| Jehovah's Witness. | ||
| Yeah, I think you're right. | ||
| Yeah, so he grew up in the Jehovah's Witness. | ||
| So, like, he's like, I'm not buying any of this. | ||
| Like, I know where this is. | ||
| It's the same thing with psychics, right? | ||
| Why do people have this need to hold on to irrational beliefs? | ||
| There are some questions you don't have answers to. | ||
| You know you don't have answers to. | ||
| So why do you pretend that this answer is going to take its place? | ||
| This answer you kind of know is bullshit is going to take its place. | ||
| Why do we need to do that? | ||
| Because so many of us do. | ||
| And I'm not immune to it. | ||
| We all need that feeling. | ||
| No, it's going to be okay, Brian. | ||
| Everything's going to be okay. | ||
| Makes me wonder if you do the whole gun theory, if this is real or not to religion, how many people would say, yes, it's all real! | ||
| And who would go, even the most religious person would be like, no, of course not. | ||
| We all know. | ||
| I like it. | ||
| It helps me out. | ||
| I think a bunch of people would take a bullet. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
If you want to punish me for my Lord, you go ahead, Jesus, I await thee in heaven! | |
| They'd take it right in the temple. | ||
| Boom! | ||
| Piles of people, piles of bodies at Walmart. | ||
| Yeah, man, people would just blow their brains out. | ||
| For their Heavenly Father does command you to come see Him in Heaven. | ||
| Boom! | ||
| Yeah, a lot of people would do it. | ||
| Guaranteed. | ||
| But, you know, man, it's like even what's going on with the Pope just recently said there's no hell, and everybody went crazy. | ||
| Like, what? | ||
| What did he just say? | ||
| The Pope said there's no hell. | ||
| He's slowly bracing you for the fact that all this is nonsense. | ||
| But right now, we're going to get rid of hell. | ||
| This is one of the purest examples of the change in people's attitude towards religion. | ||
| Is this real? | ||
| It says the Vatican denies that. | ||
| But the Vatican did not say there is no hell. | ||
| We'll find out an article where it says he did say that. | ||
| 50%! | ||
| He's not going to cut it. | ||
| Go back in time and find an article where he did say it. | ||
| I guarantee you he did say it. | ||
| Let's just assume that one day... | ||
| See, this is what they do. | ||
| They say it a little bit and then they take it back. | ||
| So they get used to the idea that they're saying it. | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
| I'm full Eddie Bravo right now. | ||
| I'm full conspiracy. | ||
| Dude, this is how they set it up. | ||
| They start out with, they tell you hell's not real, and then they say, we never said that, and then a year from now they say, look, we're pretty sure hell's not real. | ||
| This Pope probably plays Fortnite and shit, and he's like... | ||
| Right, he's the cool Pope. | ||
| He doesn't have the Pope-mobile. | ||
| He's got his Kanye's on. | ||
| He's the cool Pope. | ||
| He is the cool Pope. | ||
| He got rid of the throne. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, he had a big, giant, crazy-ass throne for the last guy, the Creeper. | ||
| He's got a gamer chair now. | ||
| Like one of those racing chairs with the headphones by your ears. | ||
| Yeah, I just got one of those. | ||
| Pope Francis in the fucking house. | ||
| Pope Francis has no problem with gay people either. | ||
| Pope Francis fighting with your litter kid. | ||
| Yeah, see, look how he swat... | ||
| Look at the old throne versus the new throne. | ||
| Look at the two side to side. | ||
| The guy on the left is the guy they just kicked out for Crimes Against Humanity. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| And the guy on the right is the new guy who's just got a sensible chair. | ||
| Much better. | ||
|
unidentified
|
From Ikea. | |
| Yeah, the throne is creepy, man. | ||
| That is crazy. | ||
| And he dresses much more conservatively, too. | ||
| He's not wearing crazy wizard robes. | ||
| He's wearing, like, a one-color wizard robe. | ||
| He dresses like R. Kelly on a Sunday. | ||
| He still has to dress crazy. | ||
| Like, if he came out in, like, a polo shirt and a pair of jeans... | ||
| No, right? | ||
| No. | ||
| Everybody's like, hey, hey, hey! | ||
| You can't be the Pope without the fucking magic outfit! | ||
| Where's your fish head hat? | ||
| Come on, bro! | ||
| He's got body armor on. | ||
| He's got a hat on like a golden salmon that's coming out of the top of his head. | ||
| Like, show me that hat. | ||
| Look at this fucking hat. | ||
| This hat is preposterous. | ||
| That's like a monster. | ||
| It's a mouth of a monster. | ||
| Like a giant snake. | ||
| It looks like a napkin at a restaurant when you go there and it's sitting... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, and it's nicely done inside one of those little rings? | |
| He probably put it on by mistake. | ||
| He's just like, look at me. | ||
| I can't believe they're making fun of our holy father. | ||
| This fucking show sucks. | ||
| You're making fun of our holy father. | ||
| He's right there with the smoke. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| How is this still legal? | ||
| Look at these kids dressed up like they're in Harry Potter's seminary. | ||
| Dunderdorf. | ||
| They do. | ||
| They look like they go to that, what's that, Hogwarts school? | ||
| They do. | ||
| This is fucking ridiculous. | ||
| Universal. | ||
| And they're talking to this dude who's holding up a golden version of where the Savior was murdered. | ||
| Right? | ||
| He's got a golden cross. | ||
| His cross is all over the place. | ||
| Like, don't forget about the cross. | ||
| And he's standing there dressed like a wizard. | ||
| This is craziness. | ||
| And everybody says, no, no, no, no. | ||
| This is our religion. | ||
| This is our culture. | ||
| This is weird. | ||
| This is weird. | ||
| And I'm not saying it's not beautiful. | ||
| It's absolutely beautiful. | ||
| I'm not saying it's any weirder than going to the opera, because I think that's weird, too. | ||
| But this shit is weird. | ||
| This is some really old form of education slash entertainment that people used to do before they had plays. | ||
| They'd get together in some room with fucking crazy... | ||
| Different colored glass windows in it. | ||
| Why doesn't he have a mic on? | ||
| Why does that kid gotta hold the mic? | ||
| Well, because Jesus doesn't want him to be unmagnified. | ||
| That's a thick mic though. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Imagine if it was pink. | ||
| He just had a pink mic. | ||
| Why? | ||
| Does it have to be silver? | ||
| I like pink. | ||
| Big pink mic. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| And it's a billion of us. | ||
| And I was raised there. | ||
| I mean, from when I was a real little kid, I did at least one year in Catholic school. | ||
| I was around a lot of Catholics. | ||
| I'm not claiming to be an expert in it, but I don't have to be. | ||
| That shit's bananas. | ||
| I used to be an altar server. | ||
| I used to hold that mic. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Woo! | |
| Did you really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Alright, me too. | ||
| Were you ever in the middle of doing that going, what in the fuck am I doing? | ||
| No, well, most of the times we did it, and me and my friends talk about it, we would get out of class. | ||
| So we would, because I went to Catholic school, there'd be services during the day and funerals even. | ||
| Sometimes we'd get paid to be out of class, and then we would miss two, three hours of school, get paid 20 bucks, get some donuts, miss lunch. | ||
| That was really all we were doing. | ||
| I used to just have to light the candles. | ||
| Me and this other kid would come out and light all these candles. | ||
| You did all that? | ||
| I always wanted to be the guy that puts them out with that bell. | ||
| That little bell on the hook. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I did that too. | |
| It's so bananas when you're in that room and you see those benches all laid out up to the pulpit. | ||
| This is so crazy. | ||
| It's like people figured out some way To make the bridge between physical evolution and mental evolution. | ||
| There's this bridge between us not being monkeys anymore, but still we just want to get out of the barbarian behavior. | ||
| We've got to figure out a way to get people to have reverence for something all-powerful and just control their behavior. | ||
| We've got to slow down The chimp in us. | ||
| Is that a monkey? | ||
| It looks like a monkey. | ||
| A monkey statue? | ||
| It's the feast of the chair of St. Peter. | ||
| What is the statue? | ||
| It's just a bronze statue of St. Peter? | ||
| Is it a dark statue? | ||
| I'm trying to tell you St. Peter was black! | ||
| Truth. | ||
| When we were in Charlottesville, they had the black Israelites there. | ||
| They were right out in front of the building. | ||
| They used to set up shop all the time in New York. | ||
| I used to run into those dudes, just wandered down the street. | ||
| I was told that because I'm Italian, I'm not white. | ||
| Dude told me that. | ||
| I was like, thank you. | ||
| Didn't you see true romance? | ||
| I know who you are. | ||
| I did see that. | ||
| I did see that. | ||
| But yet, I'm certainly not black. | ||
| But according to these black Israelites, I am not white, so I'm okay. | ||
| The true nation. | ||
| Is that them? | ||
| I love how they dress. | ||
| I mean, they take that whole Pope shit to the next level. | ||
| They're like, fuck that man. | ||
| I want to be like He-Man, master of the universe. | ||
| Oh, damn. | ||
| Look how they're dressing. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| Look at how they're dressing. | ||
| They have shields and shit, bro. | ||
| Go to that. | ||
| Make that picture bigger, please. | ||
| Make that picture bigger. | ||
| These are serious people. | ||
| They're on the street. | ||
| They're reading from the Bible. | ||
| One guy has a sword. | ||
| Okay? | ||
| This guy's got an axe. | ||
| The other guy's got a pickaxe. | ||
| Like, he's going to go find gold. | ||
| This is one of the craziest pictures if this is real. | ||
| Is that real, Jamie? | ||
|
unidentified
|
That can't be real. | |
| Go back to that, please. | ||
| Jamie, go back to that, please, for a second. | ||
| What did it say? | ||
| There was something in the text that went with it. | ||
| Is that it? | ||
| Yeah, there it is. | ||
| What does it say? | ||
| It's Passover 2012. I-S-U-P-K Passover from Wikipedia, so... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hmm. | |
| That looks like a mixtape. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| High Holy Day Passover in Harlem, New York, 2012. Oh my god. | ||
| So that's the black Israelites at the High Holy Day Passover. | ||
| Black Israelites who think they're a different kind of Jew. | ||
| Like these so-called Jews. | ||
| That looks like fun. | ||
| I'll do that. | ||
| It doesn't look bad. | ||
| It looks like fun until someone gets drunk and starts swinging that axe around. | ||
| What do they got there? | ||
| They're teaching white people stuff. | ||
| They got these posters. | ||
| 666. Preach on, brother. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| They dress cool, though. | ||
| Look at that outfit. | ||
| All leather. | ||
| Giant star David. | ||
| Dude has a sword. | ||
| No big deal. | ||
| Just two dudes walking around with a sword. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They're in a fucking... | |
| It looks like a Holiday Inn or something, right? | ||
| Doesn't it look like some sort of banquet center? | ||
| When they have the sword... | ||
| Show the picture of the sword. | ||
| Where are they? | ||
| Where the fuck is that going on? | ||
| That seems like a very public place to have a sword, sir. | ||
| Yeah, what's that place you eat at and they all look like that? | ||
| Where they're horse jousting? | ||
| Yeah, one of those medieval manor type places. | ||
| Middle evil times. | ||
| Medieval times, yeah. | ||
| Well, I believe medieval manor was a place like that in Boston. | ||
| I think there's a few of those all over the... | ||
| I never went to one of those. | ||
| Either did I. I'm too scared of the people that go to those things. | ||
| Where is it? | ||
| Oh, there's one here. | ||
| Oh yeah, there is. | ||
| I thought they were closed already. | ||
| I still don't want to go to it. | ||
| Well, isn't that Renaissance Fair thing going on right now? | ||
| Yeah, that's... | ||
| I'd rather go to that. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Have you ever been to one? | ||
| It's kind of cool. | ||
| I used to collect copper soldiers. | ||
| It's fun. | ||
| It's something fun. | ||
| It's interesting. | ||
| It was funny because one lady broke character and she was complaining about her husband's medication. | ||
| The other lady said, I do not understand this medication that you speak of. | ||
| She stayed in her. | ||
| She was like, bitch, we're here making believe. | ||
| I don't want to hear about your husband. | ||
| Complaining about his pills. | ||
| Well, they've got him on this one thing, and I don't know what that's for. | ||
| But then this other thing is supposed to counteract this medication. | ||
| It's like, ma'am, I do not understand of this medication you speak of. | ||
| For I am just a wench, and I await the prince. | ||
| Bizarre like you're not supposed to break character. | ||
| Yeah And these people like really get into it and then I bet they get drunk and fuck each other Yeah Don't you think? | ||
| For sure, this must be a goddamn crazy person's orgy. | ||
| They all get together with their wacky outfits on, bone each other in fake accents. | ||
| It's my neighbors. | ||
| Why not? | ||
| They fence in the backyard. | ||
| Why not? | ||
| They look hot, too. | ||
| Go for it, kids. | ||
| Damn, pretty people. | ||
| Why not, right? | ||
| Why not? | ||
| Why not put on a fucking... | ||
| Like a pirate's outfit. | ||
| Like, why not? | ||
| Have you ever seen those pirate-themed bars where they all have to dress up as pirates, right? | ||
| And when they get off work, they still think they're pirates. | ||
| Like, there's a whole show about it. | ||
| I forget what the show is called. | ||
| So, like, they get locked into that? | ||
| Yeah, they stay in character. | ||
| Oh, Jesus Christ. | ||
| Like, what about when they go home and they watch the TV? They're pirates sitting home watching Frasier. | ||
| So, like, when they talk to their Google Home thing, they're like, Hey, Google. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Let me know where the ale is cold and the women are hot. | ||
| Do you have a lot of home like Siri and Alexa's at your house? | ||
| No, I don't trust those bitches. | ||
| That asshole thing, or is that asshole that you can make Siri say... | ||
| Oh, motherfucker. | ||
| Motherfucker. | ||
| Yeah, you can make Siri say motherfucker. | ||
| Yeah, people think I was joking about that. | ||
| Let me show you how to do that. | ||
| Watch this, folks. | ||
| Here we go. | ||
| What is the definition? | ||
| What's the definition of mother? | ||
| Come on you piece of shit. | ||
| They changed it. | ||
| Sorry, I'm sorry about that. | ||
| What's the definition of mother? | ||
|
unidentified
|
As a noun it means, a woman in relation to child or children to whom she has given birth. | |
| Do you want to hear the next one? | ||
| Yes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
As a verb it means, bring up a child with care and affection. | |
| Do you want to hear the last one? | ||
| Yes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
As a verb it means, give birth to... | |
| Oh my god, Siri, you bitch. | ||
| You took it from me. | ||
| Yeah, they... | ||
| You removed it. | ||
| Apple! | ||
| Come on! | ||
| It was funny! | ||
| How did they leave it in there and then take it out? | ||
| Dude, they took out the dead body one. | ||
| Remember the first one? | ||
| That's a crazy one. | ||
| Short for motherfucker. | ||
| It would say, as a, you know... | ||
| I bet Alexis still has it. | ||
| I think I tweeted what it said. | ||
| What exactly it said. | ||
| Yeah, I did it. | ||
| I did it the day you did it. | ||
| It took me a couple tries because I didn't say it right, but it ended up doing it. | ||
| It says as a noun short for motherfucker, but it could be a verb as well. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| If you're actually a motherfucker. | ||
| Ask Siri what mother means, and it gives you the correct definition, then it asks you, do you want to hear the next one? | ||
| If you say yes, it says, as a noun, it means short for motherfucker. | ||
| Yeah, I got it right. | ||
| But it was weird to hear. | ||
| Like, I heard it, and I was like, what? | ||
| That's real? | ||
| Like, imagine if that's like your mom, and she's like teaching a little kid how to use Siri. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like, Mommy, how do I know what mommy is? | |
| Well, we can ask Siri, sweetie. | ||
| We can ask Siri what mother means. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| Okay, let's do it. | ||
| Do you want to hear the next one? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| As a noun, short for motherfucker. | ||
| The little kid's like, what? | ||
| Mommy, what do they say? | ||
| What does Siri say if you ask if Santa's real or some shit like that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ooh. | |
| Good question. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Is Santa real? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm going to pretend you didn't ask that. | |
| I don't want you to get a lump of coal this year. | ||
| Aww. | ||
| Alexa tells you and shares a needle. | ||
| Siri, are you allowed to swear? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't have the answer to that. | |
| Is there something else I can help you with? | ||
| I just want to know if you stopped using curse words recently. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm not sure I understand. | |
| Well, earlier in this week, I had asked you what mother means, and you gave me one definition, and you said, do you want to hear the next one? | ||
| And you said, as a noun, it means short for motherfucker. | ||
| I just thought that was weird. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's not nice. | |
| Siri, you sound like a crazy person. | ||
| Like I'm trying to talk to you about this issue that you and I are having about communication. | ||
| And what do you say to me? | ||
| You say that's not nice? | ||
| Well, it's not nice for you to say motherfucker in front of that little three-year-old just learning how to talk. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But, but... | |
| Wow. | ||
| This is the future. | ||
| Here's some of the Google One stuff I was telling you about. | ||
| This is the future. | ||
| We're going to be having arguments with our digital devices like that. | ||
| Like, that's a crude, like, helper. | ||
| Like, a super crude helper, right? | ||
| Like, what Siri can do and not do? | ||
| It's very crude. | ||
| But... | ||
| This is just like the iPhone 1, right? | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| They're absolutely going to have some sort of AI that can keep up with the conversation. | ||
| For sure that's going to happen. | ||
| It's pretty crazy how much ahead I think Google and Alexa are ahead of Siri. | ||
| Siri is terrible. | ||
| Yeah, I mean having both of the HomePod on the Siri and the Alexa Echo or whatever, it's night and day difference. | ||
| What's better, Siri or Bixby? | ||
| Bixby is a Samsung one. | ||
| I think, well, Bixby is very new. | ||
| I think Siri is better than that. | ||
| But like Alexa, they've even improved Alexa so much where you sing like, hey Alexa, sing me a love song. | ||
| And there's a whole song that Alexa sings to you. | ||
| And there's like 10 of these songs. | ||
| Well, I think that Google has it down the best with that Google Pixel 2 phone where you squeeze the sides and the Google Assistant comes on. | ||
| And when the Google Assistant comes on, you can just ask it anything. | ||
| And Google Assistant is just better. | ||
| Google is good. | ||
| It just works better. | ||
| It's better. | ||
| It finds your results better. | ||
| It's not as clunky. | ||
| It doesn't seem as weird. | ||
| I think we're in this weird place right now with phones. | ||
| It's like we're expecting things of phones that we don't even want or need and have never asked for before. | ||
| We're looking for augmented reality, phones that double as projectors, you can project a fucking movie on a wall. | ||
| I've seen those. | ||
| They have phones that do that now. | ||
| It's very interesting. | ||
| I love paying with my phone. | ||
| That's my new thing. | ||
| I love Apple Pay. | ||
| Your face, you use your face. | ||
| You pay for shit? | ||
| Or Apple Watch. | ||
| You don't have to do shit. | ||
| Hey, what did you think? | ||
| I didn't talk to you about this. | ||
| What did you think about the US government telling us not to use Huawei phones? | ||
| Because Huawei phones are made by the Chinese, and they're like, don't trust the Huawei phones. | ||
| Yeah, well, I mean, there might be something to it. | ||
| Like, if it's something that, say, you know, like an iPhone, it sends messages to Apple all the time of location and all that crap like that. | ||
| So if it's like a foreign country that has the ability to track its people, you know, it's a little weird. | ||
| I see why they did it, but... | ||
| It's a shitty phone anyway. | ||
| Who cares? | ||
| Well, how dare you? | ||
| Well, apparently they're in some sort of a dispute with Huawei about Iran. | ||
| See if you can find that. | ||
| Like something Huawei to be punished, something Iran. | ||
| Something about servers that they sold to Iran they're not supposed to sell. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Jamie will find the article. | ||
| But then they were saying, we recommend you not using, that consumers not use their phones. | ||
| And a bunch of tech guys that I was reading, I was reading a bunch of articles, and the tech guys were super skeptical. | ||
| Because one of the things they were saying is, like, if anything is in there, we'll find it. | ||
| Like, you can't just say, like, they might be using these things as spy devices without any... | ||
| Without any evidence. | ||
| It says, Huawei is under U.S. criminal investigation for illegal Iran sales. | ||
| Here's what's next. | ||
| So the other theory by the super conspiracy theorists is that they're trying to keep out the number three cell phone maker in the world from establishing a foothold in the U.S. market and economically strengthening the communist government over there. | ||
| Or pseudo-communist government. | ||
| What are they now? | ||
| They're communists, but you can make money. | ||
| I literally saw something. | ||
| I stumbled across something, I think, on Instagram yesterday. | ||
| It was just a post about Huawei and them being linked to the CCP, which is the Communist Party in China. | ||
| Yeah, people are like, don't do it. | ||
| It's too bad, dude, because they got this fucking phone. | ||
| Which one? | ||
| It's just the megapixels in the camera, right? | ||
| Listen, bitch, don't shoot down my dreams. | ||
| I don't piss on your Yeezys. | ||
| You need to. | ||
| You need to check him on these. | ||
| Huawei is... | ||
| He took a day off of the Yeezys. | ||
| Huawei has this... | ||
| Something Mate Pro, Porsche Design RS, something RS. It's a crazy phone. | ||
| It's got 500 gigabytes of storage. | ||
| 500. 500 gigabytes of storage. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| I think maybe even more than 500. It's got a 40 megapixel camera. | ||
| It turns, literally turns night into day when you take photos. | ||
| Like when they have a, it's like a four-second aperture where it'll stay open, and you see the pictures, you're like, holy shit! | ||
| You see regular camera photos, and then you see the photos with this camera, they're like, hands down, this is the best camera ever. | ||
| In cell phones today. | ||
| Do you know how hard it would be to take that picture, though? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Super hard. | ||
| Stand still for four seconds. | ||
| Or you'd be all blurry and fucked up. | ||
| I don't know how that works. | ||
| You do more than I do. | ||
| You would have to really hold it steady, right? | ||
| Like sit it on something. | ||
| Ready? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Go. | |
| Couldn't even click the button. | ||
| You'd have to have a remote trigger. | ||
| You'd fuck it up by even hitting the button. | ||
| Or maybe touching it, and then it'll give you a slight pause, and then it'll start. | ||
| They might do that now, actually, but they don't typically do that. | ||
| See if you can go to that. | ||
| It's camera. | ||
| Go to the Huawei. | ||
| What is it? | ||
| I think it's like the Mate 10 RF. Is that it? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Dude, this phone is the shit. | ||
| I'm disgusted that it's a spy device because I want one so bad. | ||
| So, is it though that good? | ||
| I mean, have you looked at the reviews? | ||
| No, it's probably terrible. | ||
| The review is probably like, yeah, it's not as good as an iPhone camera. | ||
| If I wanted to be honest with you... | ||
| I like the fact that there's competition. | ||
| It makes me excited. | ||
| You just like the Porsche wall thing. | ||
| I like that too. | ||
| I like Porsches, obviously. | ||
| I like those cars. | ||
| I like their engineering. | ||
| They're German wizards. | ||
| They know how to design shit in a really spectacular way. | ||
| They make cool stuff. | ||
| They make cool watches and shit. | ||
| But I think what's really... | ||
| There's a bunch of things interesting to me about it, but what's interesting to me is when these cameras and these phones from these Android manufacturers are so good, it forces Apple to come with some next level shit too. | ||
| Like this is a technology race unlike any other race. | ||
| Like, computers have even stalled out, right? | ||
| Like, you get a new MacBook, do you even pay attention to what the fucking gigabytes are now? | ||
| No. | ||
| You know, you remember the gigahertz? | ||
| We're like, the thing. | ||
| Like, you want, oh, I got 2.7, should I pay more for the 3.2? | ||
| You remember that? | ||
| Yeah, $300 more, $500 more for one point. | ||
| Yeah, remember they used to take those Celerons and overclock them? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| You know, I mean, people would do anything to get to one, you know, 100 megahertz. | ||
| What's like 3 gigahertz is like a good laptop, right? | ||
| It's all about quad processors now. | ||
| Cores. | ||
| Right, now it's cores. | ||
| But in the old days, you'd get like a Celeron 400. Multi-threading process. | ||
| Multi-thread. | ||
| Hyper-thread. | ||
| Like when they hit 1 gigahertz, people were shitting their pants like, I can't believe we got a 1 gigahertz computer. | ||
| This is madness. | ||
| Yeah, overclocking still, I don't think it pushes above five, maybe. | ||
| Remember overclocking? | ||
| Dudes would go into the little spacers, what are those things called again? | ||
| Jumpers. | ||
| The jumpers and move them around and change things in the bios. | ||
| Your fucking computer would be catching on fire and be running so hot. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That shit's real. | ||
| I used to work at Gateway. | ||
| That was always so fun because we always had the brand new computers like the day it came out. | ||
| Like, oh, we have the new Pentium 2, you know? | ||
| And it was fun playing with computers that fast. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| Celerons. | ||
| That's what I just got from my Twitch channel. | ||
| Celeron? | ||
| Badass computer, no. | ||
| Oh, badass. | ||
| Badass overclocked 2SLI video cards and this shit called M.2 Storage, which is super fast and it's crazy. | ||
| Now, what company is this from? | ||
| The company that made it is Origin PC. They put together the parts. | ||
| They gave me a pretty cool glass with my logo on it and all that kind of shit. | ||
| There's LED lights in it. | ||
| Someone's looking to waste some time. | ||
| I got a Razer laptop. | ||
| Yeah, that Razer laptop is like one of the closest things. | ||
| So like build quality the way a MacBook feels with the metal frame and it's real tight tolerances and a good keyboard and shit. | ||
| Yeah, it's a great computer. | ||
| It's powerful. | ||
| I mean, I use it for virtual reality, and it's got one of the best graphics cards you can buy, and it's pretty sweet. | ||
| I used to buy everything Apple. | ||
| I used to just buy Apple laptops, Apple phones, but I like it that it's a question now. | ||
| I told you that I started using that ThinkPad. | ||
| I like that thing way better than a MacBook. | ||
| The keyboard is way more responsive. | ||
| There's travel to the keys. | ||
| It's easier to type. | ||
| There's something about those little clickety-click keys that the new MacBooks have where you make more mistakes. | ||
| You don't have a feel to them because you're like, oh, yeah, that clicked. | ||
| Oh, yeah, that clicked. | ||
| To a clumsy typer like me, I type way better on a keyboard that has some travel to it. | ||
| You get some feel. | ||
| You get a feel of what you're doing and where the letters are. | ||
| The new MacBook Pro is probably one of the worst versions of any MacBook Pro since they started making it. | ||
| I hate the new MacBook Pro with a passion. | ||
| The dongle shit needs to stop. | ||
| The other day I needed a USB port. | ||
| I didn't, hey, I forgot my dongle. | ||
| There was no way for me to do anything that I needed to do. | ||
| It's the worst. | ||
| It's the worst. | ||
| USB-C is just not everywhere yet. | ||
| You know, I mean, it's a lot of things. | ||
| You can charge your phone with USB-C. There's some things that you have that are old USB, and if you have them, you're like, oh. | ||
| Well, this is useless. | ||
| I wish Apple would have a exchange program where you could go in and they'll take out your touch bar and that keyboard and just put in like any keyboard you want. | ||
| Like, I just want a regular MacBook Pro keyboard on my laptop. | ||
| But even the MacBook, think about this, like this ThinkPad jamming. | ||
| The way the keys work, like when you're typing on it, there's all this travel. | ||
| They feel good. | ||
| Like I put my finger on J and F, and when I'm typing, they feel like they're pressing. | ||
| Press, press, press, press, press. | ||
| It's not like a... | ||
| Like no travel doesn't give you the same amount of feedback. | ||
| And you got ports. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Ports galore. | ||
| But feel how light it is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know. | |
| That's the crazy thing. | ||
| That's nice. | ||
| I like that little light. | ||
| It's sexy, really sexy. | ||
| Great battery life, too. | ||
| Do you know what this processor is? | ||
| I have no idea. | ||
| It's a cell around 400. I can play quick on this, bro. | ||
| So we're going to set up a LAN party here. | ||
| We're trying to figure out the right way to do it. | ||
| But we're going to set up a LAN party here. | ||
| What game though? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Is that all you guys are doing? | ||
| I think he will be addicted to Fortnite in the underground more than anyone you know. | ||
| I think I have a limited amount of time. | ||
| So we go right back to Quake. | ||
| If you like Quake, you'll love this. | ||
| But dude, this Quake Champions game, this Quake Online game looks so crazy good. | ||
| And the fact that it's all web-based now? | ||
| Come on, son. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Want to waste some time? | ||
| Come on over, man. | ||
| Fuck some people up. | ||
| Bring some people into a room. | ||
| You would be a championship gamer. | ||
| No, I wouldn't. | ||
| If you got into it. | ||
| If you got into it, you would be one of the top gamers. | ||
| You'd be the ninja. | ||
| No, no. | ||
| I'm not quite autistic enough to be at the top of the food chain. | ||
| He's just badass. | ||
| I don't know who he is. | ||
| Ninja? | ||
| Is he the top guy? | ||
| Will you say he's the top guy? | ||
| He's one of my favorites to watch. | ||
| He got Drake on. | ||
| I think, honestly, that video games at high levels, especially like Quake, it's deceptively intellectually challenging. | ||
| They would do a lot of these one-on-one death matches, and they would be in a room, and they would both spawn at the same time. | ||
| Then you have to run, and you have to have knowledge of the map. | ||
| And you also have to have knowledge of when certain items are going to respawn. | ||
| Like if you steal the rocket launcher... | ||
| Another rocket launcher will respawn in like, I forget how many seconds, like 30 seconds. | ||
| So they would run the map, shoot the guy, collect the extra rocket launcher before he can, keep him unarmed, and keep killing him over and over again. | ||
| And after you kill him a certain amount of time, the game's over. | ||
| The guys who were really good at that, they're just really smart. | ||
| They're really smart, really fast twitch, super tuned into the game, just locked in, and then they'd study those maps. | ||
| And then they'd also study movement. | ||
| They could do crazy shit, like rocket jump onto people, and do things that get to areas of the map just because they understood how to hop. | ||
| They could do it in a way that other people don't know how to do. | ||
| The guy ninja he's talking about is what you're describing. | ||
| So then the game Fortnite, you have to build these crazy... | ||
| Is this Fortnite? | ||
| Yeah, you find mats, which are materials, and you build forts. | ||
| So it becomes these one-on-one matches if you're playing solo where you have to literally build advantage. | ||
| You have to gain advantage. | ||
| Why are there bricks flying in the air? | ||
| He's gaining the materials, so you're mining materials. | ||
| And then that becomes what you're talking about. | ||
| You have only a couple guns you can choose from. | ||
| How did this build this bridge here? | ||
| He's doing it that fast. | ||
| He knows there's a guy over there, and he's going to attack right now. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| And it's his decision on how he does it, though. | ||
| And the map never changes, really. | ||
| They just sort of change it after like six months. | ||
| So he's breaking through the building to get in there? | ||
| Yeah, you can break through and then build it back up. | ||
| I got a problem with this game. | ||
| Why? | ||
| Because it's too addictive. | ||
| I know. | ||
| I'm addicted just watching this. | ||
| The addiction is the colors, too. | ||
| This game has got some crazy colors, which is like, it's cracked for your brain. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| This is amazing. | ||
| And it's weird because grown adults just fall in love with this overnight. | ||
| Well, that's what I'm saying. | ||
| Like, I was joking around about video games that I'm not artistic enough. | ||
| I think the best guys... | ||
| Are going to be considered like chess players. | ||
| I think it's like kind of the same thing. | ||
| It's just chess is traditionally worshipped as this intellectual game, right? | ||
| But I think that a lot of video games, like Starcraft for sure, is like this really high-level strategy game. | ||
| Like you're doing things and you're thinking on multiple levels about different parts of the board and different things that you're moving around. | ||
| It seems to me to be like physically dynamic too because things are moving quick. | ||
| Like you're not... | ||
| You're not in control of what your opponent is doing while he's doing it. | ||
| It's all happening in one time. | ||
| You're trying to think your way through things and put stuff here, move stuff there. | ||
| Dude, we underappreciate them because when they first started out, they were frivolous. | ||
| Like Pong and stuff like that. | ||
| So we think of them as being dumb. | ||
| But they're so sophisticated now, and kids are making fucking shitloads of money. | ||
| Who was saying that? | ||
| That's the same thing I was talking about. | ||
| He was saying that parents should probably encourage their kids to play e-games because there's fucking money in it now. | ||
| He's right. | ||
| You know Johnny Carson's old studio. | ||
| You've been there probably a million times. | ||
| Jay Leno's old studio. | ||
| It's now Blizzard Arena right down the street from me. | ||
| We got invited to go there if you want to go check it out. | ||
| I would love to go too. | ||
| It's right down the street from me. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| But every time I drive by, it's just crowds of people like a sports game. | ||
| Okay, now I want you to put on Quake Champions. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Goodness gracious. | ||
| What do you mean goodness gracious? | ||
| What is this, Jay? | ||
| The game is called Overwatch. | ||
| I'm trying to find an arena thing so you can see what it looks like. | ||
| Just put on Quake. | ||
| I don't want to see any more of this shit. | ||
| I want to show you guys what the fuck's good. | ||
| Quake Arena. | ||
| Quake Championships. | ||
| Whatever they call it. | ||
| Even on the site it says something about Quake. | ||
| And Joe Rogan. | ||
| Dork it out on Quake. | ||
| Watch this. | ||
| Here we go, son. | ||
| What is this? | ||
| Is that an ad first? | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| This is the gameplay. | ||
| Dude, come on. | ||
| See, this is way better. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| This is old school. | ||
| Yeah, I want to play this because it reminds me of the old... | ||
| I mean, look at the graphics in this fucking thing. | ||
| Goddamn graphics are good now. | ||
| I mean, it's just... | ||
| I wonder if that's bad for your eyes. | ||
| Or good for your eyes. | ||
| Imagine if they found out that video games actually improve eyesight. | ||
| Remember when we grew up, they were told us not to sit close to the TV, but now we are sold VR units where we're the closest to a TV possibly made? | ||
| What happened to that? | ||
| It's true. | ||
| Look at this motherfucker. | ||
| Dude, this game looks perfect. | ||
| Is this unreal? | ||
| This is still Quake. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Relentless. | ||
| Dun-dun-dun. | ||
| See that rocket jump? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Come on, son. | ||
| What was the one? | ||
| Was it Quake the one that they had the space one where you just like trampolined over? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think that was Quake 2. They had that. | ||
| They had bouncy little things everywhere. | ||
| I came along at Quake 2. I didn't play a whole lot of Quake 1, but Quake 1 was really fun. | ||
| I played a little bit of it. | ||
| It was really fun. | ||
| Quake 1 was these, like, kind of blocky-looking dudes with, like, helmets on. | ||
| They run around shooting each other. | ||
| But it was, like, real fast-paced. | ||
| Like, unrealistically fast-paced. | ||
| Like, it wasn't like... | ||
| That's one of the things that some people like about... | ||
| What was that Half-Life game that people would play? | ||
| It was based off of Half-Life and it was like an army game. | ||
| Counter-Strike. | ||
| Counter-Strike, yeah. | ||
| That's the most popular game probably still right now. | ||
| Yeah, people love that game. | ||
| I used to love that game. | ||
| One of the things they loved about it was that it had more realistic physics. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| How many times when your phone rings you take a picture of the screen? | ||
| Oh, how many times... | ||
| How many of your photos are screenshots? | ||
| Unnecessary screenshots over amount. | ||
| Yeah, a lot of them. | ||
| What was I just saying? | ||
| Half-Life turned into Army. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| So if you go to Quake 1, what is this game you want? | ||
| Counter-Strike. | ||
| Oh, this is the new Counter-Strike? | ||
| Wow, look at the graphics. | ||
| Honestly, I'm pretty sure it's still the same levels as back in, whatever, 19. Really? | ||
| Really? | ||
| They just made them HD, which is better. | ||
| This looks incredible. | ||
| I'm going to play this. | ||
| Oh my god, this looks good. | ||
| We've got to get you guys computers. | ||
| Oh, that guy just got head-shotted. | ||
| Dead. | ||
| Wake up with a knife. | ||
| Trying to find a gun. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Here we go. | |
| Okay, go to Quake 1. What's that? | ||
| I'm just on Twitch looking. | ||
| Oh, this is a guy playing on Twitch? | ||
| That's great. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| They have a Quake 1 game live now? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Every game you could watch. | ||
| Oh, that's crazy. | ||
| If you want to see anything, if you're curious about a new game, you just go to Twitch and watch someone playing. | ||
| This looks like a dude waiting for someone to play him. | ||
| Probably. | ||
| I like to go to sleep watching a girl play some boring-ass game. | ||
| There's people out there that are still into this. | ||
| This is how crazy Quake 1 was. | ||
| The graphics didn't even matter because the game is all dark and moody and the gameplay was so fun that a lot of people even stayed with it after Quake 2 and then Quake 3 became like sort of fast-paced like that. | ||
| See if you can find a video of people playing it. | ||
| Here's a, I think, comparison of the old one versus the updated graphics. | ||
| Yeah, it was super blocky. | ||
| What was the game that there was a mod, but you're in the bathroom, and you're hiding in toilets and on toilet paper rolls? | ||
| I feel like I've already asked this question a million times. | ||
| Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| I know what you're talking about. | ||
| I think there was Rocket Arena. | ||
| There was a Rocket Arena map where you could play Quake in a bathroom. | ||
| That was my favorite. | ||
| I've spent days on that. | ||
| Well, there was a bunch of maps that people would create. | ||
| And there was even map making software. | ||
| And you could make a map and guys were always doing it. | ||
| It was a really common thing. | ||
| There was a Joe Rogan level, remember? | ||
| Somebody made that... | ||
| Oh, with the JRE? Yeah. | ||
| With the logo? | ||
| I think so. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think someone did do something like that. | ||
| I remember that. | ||
| But it's... | ||
| I remember they would do all these new maps would come out and we would play matches on these new maps. | ||
| You'd kick my ass till 5 in the morning. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Dude. | |
| You're like, no, don't get off yet. | ||
| I had a real problem. | ||
| I have a real problem with games. | ||
| You know? | ||
| I'm doing my best. | ||
| Doing my best to avoid them. | ||
| But we're going to indulge a little bit here. | ||
| Virtual reality, man. | ||
| That's the new one. | ||
| That's my favorite, man. | ||
| I can't get in. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| And now you could play, like, was it Doom? | ||
| Or a first-person shooter. | ||
| I forget which one it is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Doom. | |
| Doom's on there and Fallout 4 is on there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, you play Doom in VR. Can you show me that? | |
| Show me Doom in VR. Which Doom is it? | ||
| Is it the more recent Doom? | ||
| I think it's the original. | ||
| The original Doom? | ||
| Probably. | ||
| I think so. | ||
| But it's probably like the CPU power probably isn't able to keep up. | ||
| I want to upgrade my HTC. This is not the original one. | ||
| It's an upgraded version of it. | ||
| Oh, is it? | ||
| Oh, just upgraded graphics. | ||
| This does not look like... | ||
| This looks like the newer one. | ||
| They took the original Doom and remade it. | ||
| Remastered, if you will, is what it's called. | ||
| That's crazy! | ||
| This is it? | ||
| I actually bought this game. | ||
| I don't know yet. | ||
| So this is Doom VFR, which is a special VR version, and I think they might have had some levels. | ||
| I don't know if it's the actual full game from start to finish. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Dude, but when you said it's the original game, I thought you meant with the original graphics. | ||
| These graphics are really good. | ||
| This will fuck your life up. | ||
| I could have brought it. | ||
| Dude, this right here could fuck your life up. | ||
| This looks way too fun. | ||
| Do you have virtual reality at your house? | ||
| No. | ||
| Oh, you've got to get virtual reality at your house. | ||
| No, I go running. | ||
| I work out. | ||
| I do things. | ||
| No, you don't need to do that anymore, man. | ||
| That scared the shit out of me. | ||
| That legitimately scared the shit out of me. | ||
| What? | ||
| Watching that video, the doom, because I was like, that could ruin my life. | ||
| Dude, the future's liposuction. | ||
| Ask Kanye, man. | ||
| Liposuction, opioids, and playing virtual reality doom until I shrivel up. | ||
| I'm trying to make 130. That's how you do it. | ||
| Just play video games all day. | ||
| You never stay keto. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| What games are you playing? | ||
| I just got God of War, the new God of War, which you want to see graphics. | ||
| That's amazing graphics. | ||
| That looks amazing. | ||
| I saw it only in the commercial, but it looks incredible. | ||
| Yeah, and that's a real fun game. | ||
| I tried to get into Far Cry 5, but... | ||
| I like the cult aspect. | ||
| At first, I told Duncan Trussell, you have to buy this immediately. | ||
| There it is. | ||
| This is a real walkthrough? | ||
| Gameplay? | ||
| Yeah, that's gameplay. | ||
| This is gameplay? | ||
| There's no loading screens on this whole game. | ||
| Dude, look at the steam coming out of his mouth. | ||
| This is incredible. | ||
| Yeah, and like he said, no load screens. | ||
| That's just the game. | ||
| Dude, this is nuts. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| So it's all third person or do you do it first person? | ||
| Keep this going, Jamie. | ||
| I was trying to show you some cool shit on it. | ||
| Jamie's real clicky today. | ||
| Notice? | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's clicky. | |
| He's that Adderall, dude. | ||
| Don't let it play through. | ||
| He's just going crazy. | ||
| Wasting time. | ||
| He's just going crazy. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Here's hunting. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| This is nuts. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Do that again. | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| All the way to the beginning. | ||
| I want to see like how he set it up I'm just gonna help him out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm not actually shooting it. | |
| Yeah, good They're shooting in the head He's trying to. | ||
| Why would you do that? | ||
| There you go. | ||
| This is real clunky looking, like it doesn't look real, but it looks way realer than anything I've ever seen before. | ||
| So this is... | ||
| Yeah, check this out. | ||
| This is actually, like, this is you battling somebody. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Guy's trying to kill you with that big rock? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's, uh... | ||
| This is... | ||
| Games are amazing nowadays. | ||
| Look at the shadows and everything. | ||
| It's incredible. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But what I'm saying is that, like, I mean, this obviously looks amazing, but in how many years do you think it'll be indistinguishable from real life? | ||
| 10? | ||
| 20? | ||
| 20 for sure, right? | ||
| In 20 years? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I'm sort of skeptical on this a little bit because I feel like the bar keeps getting moved at five years, ten years, every couple years. | ||
| We get close, but it's still like, when did you get your first Vive? | ||
| It's been four or five years. | ||
| I've had the Oculus Rift since beta testing, so I've always had it. | ||
| And they just had a big VRLA thing this weekend, and I didn't hear anyone sharing anything that was mind-blowing experiences that are making everyone go out and spend $2,000 on a VR upgrade. | ||
| Well, I think right now what's happening is the infancy of VR in a commercial level. | ||
| That's what we're seeing. | ||
| I mean, it's like if you go back to the early day Atari boxes and then compare them to a new Xbox. | ||
| I mean, I think that's what we're looking at. | ||
| You're just saying that it's not happening quick. | ||
| It's definitely happening. | ||
| Those are gigantic gaps, but you could look at it from a different perspective and be like, it's still just playing with a remote control on a TV with some computer power behind it. | ||
| Yeah, but the virtual stuff is also sometimes connected to those three-dimensional... | ||
| What are those things? | ||
| How do they call them? | ||
| They don't call it a treadmill. | ||
| What do they call it? | ||
| Omni-track, omni-sphere-track kind of thing. | ||
| Yeah, that thing. | ||
| Have you seen that thing? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You're strapped into the center of this thing and it moves around so you can walk through these 3D environments. | ||
| I was going to say, just 20 years ago, what kind of bullshit-ass graphics were we looking at? | ||
| And now look at what we're looking at now. | ||
| Just 20 years from now, they'll probably have it like, at the very least, it'll be like watching Moana or something. | ||
| That's why I just still feel like it'll still feel super fake. | ||
| We'll still know that this is still a fake world and it's not going to ever feel real. | ||
| I get lost in it pretty... | ||
| I think it's easy to get lost in it. | ||
| And nowadays they have big rooms, almost like the size of Chuck E. Cheese, where you rent it out. | ||
| And so you don't need a treadmill because you're actually going through obstacles that feel real. | ||
| What if they did it in a way where it's like... | ||
| It's not realistic, but it's really good. | ||
| Like, what if they did Despicable Me? | ||
| Like, you were in Despicable Me. | ||
| You know the animated movie with the... | ||
| What's the dude's name? | ||
| The fucking bad guy? | ||
| I know you're talking about... | ||
| Goddammit. | ||
| Steve Carell. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| I forget the bad guy in the character's name, though. | ||
| Is it Gru? | ||
| Something like that. | ||
| Is that his name? | ||
| I would never know, honestly. | ||
| I don't have any kids. | ||
| I have kids. | ||
| But the graphics are incredible. | ||
| It's beautiful. | ||
| I mean, it's stunning to look at. | ||
| You're like, wow, they did an amazing job with this. | ||
| But it's obviously not real. | ||
| I think you'd want to be like that or like extra, not just a simulation of real life. | ||
| You'd want to be able to fly or jump over fucking buildings. | ||
| You've done the Simpsons game, right? | ||
| In Universal? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Fucking incredible, right? | ||
| So good. | ||
| The ride. | ||
| The ride. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That ride where it's this huge video screen and your car moves up and down and they're just taking you through this crazy thing that you're seeing in front of you. | ||
| And it's probably as thrilling as any actual ride where you're really moving, right? | ||
| It's the Back to the Future ride, though, before that. | ||
| I didn't see that one. | ||
| Have you guys done 4D yet? | ||
| The 4D theaters out here? | ||
| No. | ||
| That's what you should try, man. | ||
| That's where the whole thing moves with the movie. | ||
| There's also smell. | ||
| There's also mist and water. | ||
| Yeah, it looked like a pukey kind of... | ||
| Is it like that Star Wars ride, Star Tours at Disneyland? | ||
| You ever done that? | ||
| Yeah, it's kind of like that. | ||
| But each seat moves. | ||
| And you could turn off, like, I don't want water. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't want fart. | |
| There will be something like that. | ||
| I was trying to look it up right now, but I remember Steven Spielberg talking about developing a room-type theater process where maybe you're not wearing anything, but things are being projected into the room you're in and you're experiencing the movie like that. | ||
| Maybe like Avatar in the future would be like 25 people jump into the room and it starts playing and you're experiencing it happen around you versus wearing a headset and watching something happen. | ||
| I don't think they've developed it yet, but I have seen some crazy... | ||
| Can't do holograms and holograms, man. | ||
| Some big globe theaters happening in Vegas. | ||
| I think I just told you about that. | ||
| MGM's doing something weird. | ||
| Yeah, I think group things are going to be really interesting in that, too. | ||
| Everybody experiencing that in a group the same way you experience a movie in a group. | ||
| It's entirely possible that they'll develop something like that, right? | ||
| Where they'll have warehouses where people meet up and everybody goes into these virtual worlds together. | ||
| Like you go on missions and shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Just wear something that's tuned in to the Wi-Fi signal of the building. | ||
| And you're wearing like a lightweight helmet, like a bicycle helmet. | ||
| It straps on, so it's not something that's really cumbersome. | ||
| But, you know, it has enough battery life and enough juice to get you through a one-hour game or a three-hour game. | ||
| They have battery. | ||
| They have VR experiences where you can go with your whole family and you're all in the game wearing these things and you're in the game together. | ||
| Damn. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What kind of games? | ||
| Like virtual reality games. | ||
| They have the zombie game. | ||
| Oh, so you're running from zombies in a warehouse? | ||
| Yeah, I think Link from Good Mythical Morning, he was talking about how he brought the family, and he was getting chased by zombies. | ||
| I had heard that they were thinking about doing something like that, now that you think of it, but I didn't know there was actually a place now. | ||
| Have we ever talked about this before? | ||
| I feel like we talked about... | ||
| The place in Utah, right? | ||
| Right. | ||
| I'm looking it up right now. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But I think that's the future. | ||
| I think the future of this is like you go to a football field and it's like a virtual game is being played. | ||
| But then you've got to stop people from physically assaulting each other in the virtual world. | ||
| Yeah, you have to have a babysitter anyways. | ||
| All right, now I remember this. | ||
| You get off an elevator, the future of virtual reality, Time Magazine. | ||
| It's called The Void. | ||
| The Void. | ||
| They have a Ghostbusters experience and a couple other ones. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Who are you going to call? | |
| Yeah, look at that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| This is incredible. | ||
| And that's cool, because you're in the game with your friend. | ||
| You can see your friends. | ||
| You're in a room with them, essentially. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So now you're wandering around. | ||
| I wonder what they're seeing. | ||
| Oh, we get to see what they're seeing. | ||
| This is going to blow their minds, says The Verge. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Fuck yeah. | ||
| It's already here then. | ||
| So this is one place that has this? | ||
| I believe so, yeah. | ||
| There's a place here right across the street from the Grove that's like the IMAX VR thing, but I don't think it's... | ||
| It's definitely not this, but they might have some similar... | ||
| I definitely have way too many of these stories in my head. | ||
| I know, right? | ||
| I don't know how many of them are real or how many of them... | ||
| Did I make that up? | ||
| Well, when I did the House of Comedy in the Mall of America, across from it, it's great, great, huge. | ||
| But across from it, they have a virtual reality arcade where one is skydiving, where you're hanging. | ||
| That was the whole thing. | ||
| You could tell that's going to become more popular, kind of like whatever those arcades are everywhere. | ||
| They have one of these in Anaheim. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They do? | ||
| That's what it says. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Downtown Disney. | ||
| Where you do the Star Wars experience. | ||
| Oh, is that new? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| I did Soaring Over the World. | ||
| You ever do that? | ||
| That's at Disneyland? | ||
| It's a giant screen. | ||
| I've only been to Disneyland once and it was bad. | ||
| You sit down in your chair, and you get lifted up, and it takes you towards this giant screen. | ||
| And on this giant screen, you soar all over these different parts of the world. | ||
| Oh, cool. | ||
| Dude, it's fucking crazy. | ||
| The ride is amazing. | ||
| You fly over all these different spots. | ||
| And, uh, you experience all this like as if you're soaring and you feel like a light breeze and there's different smells that they send your way. | ||
| Like the older one was soaring over California. | ||
| You would look at this, a bear's like, what are you doing, bitch? | ||
| You would soar over these orange trees. | ||
| That bear looks so fake, by the way. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| That's Coca-Cola bears. | ||
| Look at that bear. | ||
| Get out of here, bitch. | ||
| Um... | ||
| But the other one was soaring over California, which was pretty amazing, too. | ||
| And you'd soar over the oranges. | ||
| You'd smell them. | ||
| You'd smell the water from the beach. | ||
| And things like that will happen. | ||
| Like the water will splash in front of your face. | ||
| Then all of a sudden you'll be in Paris or you'll be somewhere else. | ||
| It's fucking awesome. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I have that. | ||
| Did I already talk about this on here? | ||
| Walk the plank? | ||
| I can't remember if I said it on your podcast. | ||
| It's a real piece of wood and I have like unbalanced wood where I have something underneath it so it kind of rocks if you're standing on it. | ||
| So you go up in this elevator in Virtual Reality Road and I have a fan that I turn on right when the elevator door opens. | ||
| This is it right here? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you feel like you're walking on the side of a building, like on this plank. | ||
| And I have my board kind of rocky. | ||
| So yeah, I guess she does too. | ||
| And I can't do it. | ||
| I get halfway through it. | ||
| I like shit myself. | ||
| And what's funny is... | ||
| I pushed my girlfriend off the board and she was like freaking out and I just like gave her a little nudge and she goes in the game if you fall off you fall down. | ||
| Oh my god this is awful. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Is that my girlfriend? | |
| No. | ||
| This is crazy. | ||
| Is this a new thing? | ||
| Yeah, I think it's, you know, maybe. | ||
| Is this for the Vive? | ||
| Vive, yeah. | ||
| They have a new Vive out. | ||
| I need to get it, which better resolution and stuff. | ||
| And supposedly they have a wireless adapter, so you don't have all the cables anymore. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| Coming soon, I think. | ||
| They have the most addictive archery game ever. | ||
| I have that. | ||
| Where those little monsters are trying to attack the castle? | ||
| Have you played pool? | ||
| And you're shooting arrows at them? | ||
| Virtual pool? | ||
| Virtual pool is cool, too. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Is it? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Because you have, like, you know, you have controllers, and you can, like, it's pretty realistic. | ||
| Or you could play pool. | ||
| Yeah, but... | ||
| If you could only play virtual pool, regular pool would be so fucking amazing. | ||
| It's like, oh my god, it's a real table. | ||
| Look at the cloth, I can feel it. | ||
| Look, I can watch the balls click together. | ||
| They're real! | ||
| They're real in front of me! | ||
| Like, well, I'd rather have a controller that pretends it's my finger than a controller that pretends it's a stick and... | ||
| Yeah, but you could also be playing it on the moon, you know? | ||
| That's a good point. | ||
| You could be playing on the moon. | ||
| And in your tiny little apartment where you don't have space for a table. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's true, too. | ||
| With naked chicks. | ||
| Yeah, there's video games you could play it, too, on your phone, but I've never even thought about it. | ||
| You know Kate Quigley? | ||
| She's in a virtual reality porn. | ||
| Oh boy. | ||
| She's not naked in it. | ||
| She's sitting there, but she's getting molested by a naked girl. | ||
| And it's weird because when you're in the virtual world, you're Kate Quigley. | ||
| Whoa, you are her? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Jesus. | ||
| It's so weird. | ||
| Is that a side gig? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, good for her. | ||
| Virtual porn has got to be a big market. | ||
| Yeah, it's not as good as I was hoping for. | ||
| No? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What's weird about it? | ||
| In your head, you think it's going to be like, oh, this is realistic. | ||
| I'm just going to make masturbating a way better. | ||
| But it's still clunky. | ||
| Because all the companies that make virtual reality porn, they're not making perfect masterpieces. | ||
| They're still filming it sloppy and edited sloppy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
God damn it. | |
| For the most part. | ||
| I mean, unless... | ||
| I haven't seen all of it, but... | ||
| This is just a setup for Brian's new career as a porn director in virtual reality. | ||
| These people don't know what the fuck they're doing. | ||
| Let me show you how it's done. | ||
| Did you do the Avatar one, too? | ||
| No, I did not. | ||
| Is that a recent one? | ||
| Yeah, Disney World. | ||
| Avatar just opened. | ||
| Oh, that's Disney World. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| That must be amazing. | ||
| That's the real Disney. | ||
| They're going to do some crazy giant Star Wars thing out here, right? | ||
| That's going to be awesome. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| It's just a matter of time until there's going to be something like that at a consumer level. | ||
| Like the Avatar game. | ||
| That seems pretty doable. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| Don't you think? | ||
| Let's go with maybe. | ||
| I just have this little cynical view on it, just like maybe. | ||
| Super cynical. | ||
| Super cynical, Jamie. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I like VR chat. | ||
| That's my favorite thing in the whole entire world right now. | ||
| Talking to people in VR? Yeah. | ||
| It reminds me of the old days of the internet. | ||
| Like when, I don't know, what would it be? | ||
| Message boards first came out or something. | ||
| It's just like the Wild West right now. | ||
| Whoa, this is crazy. | ||
| And you could be anyone. | ||
| Like, I'm Wendy. | ||
| And you can go to a Wendy's in there and all the Wendy's characters together... | ||
| Look, there's Seaman Pikachu. | ||
| So people just get together in these rooms to hang out together? | ||
| Talk. | ||
| There's musicians that just sit there and play songs for you, dressed up as... | ||
| And are you talking in your voice? | ||
| Yeah, it's you. | ||
| But some people use voice changers and stuff like that. | ||
| Some people just... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hello, my name is Missy. | |
| A lot of racist people in there, of course. | ||
| If you leave people alone, they just become racist. | ||
| If you give them notes, those schooling... | ||
| Do you know the way? | ||
| ...and put them inside of a video game with no repercussions for their actions. | ||
| That's the internet. | ||
| Especially if you could be like a little girl and say terrible N-words. | ||
| You know? | ||
| A little blonde girl on the screen. | ||
| Meanwhile, you're a 40-year-old man from the Bronx. | ||
| Did you notice that? | ||
| You probably didn't check it, but the Instagram update yesterday said something about they're blocking words from bullies. | ||
| Bullies. | ||
| People are fucking assholes with that, man. | ||
| They get assholes with being mean to people online. | ||
| It's a new toy. | ||
| We don't know how to do it yet. | ||
| It's also revealing a lot of people that you didn't know. | ||
| A lot of people that you never got in contact with are just really shitty people. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mean. | |
| I'm only mean to companies. | ||
| I've switched to my online bullying to only talking about bad service at restaurants or delivery services. | ||
| That's funny. | ||
| Well, if it's warranted... | ||
| Yeah, that's what I say. | ||
| But people get mad at me for like when I post those things. | ||
| I posted something the other day at this chicken place and they burnt everything they sent me. | ||
| Like everything. | ||
| Like the corn on the cob was black. | ||
| The chicken was black. | ||
| I had to throw it away and I was late too. | ||
| Did you think maybe the chef and the lady working at the counter were out there boning and they weren't paying attention to your chicken? | ||
| It's probably some 14 year old kid. | ||
| They were getting their freak on? | ||
| Oh, probably. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Yeah, probably some kid who wasn't paying attention. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I just had a good fantasy. | ||
| Of what was really happening. | ||
| It was fun! | ||
| I fucked in a refrigerator of a restaurant. | ||
| Hey. | ||
| Hooligans. | ||
| Easy, fella. | ||
| I dated a girl who worked at Newport Creamery with me. | ||
| Newport Creamery? | ||
| What's that, like a Cold Stone? | ||
| It's an ice cream place that served hamburgers. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Who's that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
You or me? | |
| It's not me. | ||
| If it's me, this fucking phone... | ||
| I've got a phone that, for whatever reason, turns itself on to ring all the time. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, even when I don't, it turns itself on to ring. | ||
| It's done it, like, twice. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| I think it's this case. | ||
| This leather Apple case. | ||
| I think it's a piece of shit. | ||
| Look at your volume buttons. | ||
| Look at mine. | ||
| They're sunked in the middle. | ||
| I've only had this for a week, and it's already falling apart. | ||
| Not enjoying... | ||
| And it overheats your phone, I think, because of the leather. | ||
| There's no way for the air to get out, so my shit's running slower than it should. | ||
| You know what I did the other day? | ||
| I put a battery pack on this like a madman. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Put one of them thick-ass battery packs on it. | ||
| I felt like a superhero. | ||
| I could just go all day. | ||
| Why don't you have it on now? | ||
| Because I took it off because I feel like I was relying on it too much. | ||
| I should just charge it at night. | ||
| I'm using my phone less and less after my trip to Hawaii because my phone broke. | ||
| I dropped it the first day there and I had to order a new one. | ||
| But, I mean, mine just stopped working. | ||
| Oh, the whole thing. | ||
| Yeah, dude, it would just randomly call people. | ||
| I would hold up, like, my contacts, and it would just start calling people. | ||
| And then I would hang up, and it would start calling another person. | ||
| And then I'd hang up, and I was showing people. | ||
| I was like, my friend John Dudley, I was like, watch this. | ||
| Watch what it's doing. | ||
| And then I'd hang up, and it would do that again. | ||
| I was like, what the fuck? | ||
| I just dropped it, and it just went haywire. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Yeah, I broke it. | ||
| And so, when I got a new one... | ||
| For three days, I wasn't doing anything. | ||
| So for three days waiting for my phone to come, I didn't use any apps, any nothing. | ||
| And I felt better. | ||
| I felt better. | ||
| But you're in Hawaii. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That helps, too. | ||
| You're in Van Nuys. | ||
| But as soon as I got the phone back again, I'm like, hmm, let me check Instagram. | ||
| Anybody put any cool pictures of cars up? | ||
| If technology is so fragile like that, then why are we still so scared of, like, AI? If we could just fucking smack it in a break. | ||
| That's a silly way to look at it. | ||
| I know, I'm just saying. | ||
| We also have nuclear bombs, Jamie. | ||
| That's technology, too. | ||
| Remember that argument you got in? | ||
| No, I know. | ||
| I said it was silly. | ||
| I started off by saying it was a silly idea. | ||
| Someone smoked too much weed. | ||
| Or not enough. | ||
| We should be worried, don't you think? | ||
| If Elon Musk thinks we should be worried... | ||
| He's like in the business of that, though. | ||
| Of worrying people? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| But I mean, of technology. | ||
| I think he is. | ||
| The business of worrying people? | ||
| No, not 100%, but that's his business. | ||
| 35%? | ||
| It's the future of all technology. | ||
| He's the one figuring out the problems. | ||
| He's the one here to save us from all this shit. | ||
| That's his business that he created. | ||
| All those Teslas got recalled. | ||
| I mean, did you saw that, right? | ||
| Like 130,000 Model S's got recalled because their steering column was fucked up or something. | ||
| Is that what happened? | ||
| I don't know the exact problem, but a lot of them. | ||
| Yeah, I remember seeing something. | ||
| How crazy is it? | ||
| Ford canceled all their cars. | ||
| Brian Callen loves his. | ||
| He fucking loves it. | ||
| Yeah, Ford decided to stop making cars except the motherfucking Mustang, America! | ||
| And SUVs, I think, right? | ||
| Well, their SUVs are awesome. | ||
| They make that Lincoln Town... | ||
| What is it? | ||
| Not... | ||
| I'm good. | ||
| Well, they make it. | ||
| That Lincoln Navigator, this new Navigator, it's a fucking incredible car. | ||
| It's incredible. | ||
| It's like they saw all these other cars, like... | ||
| You know, that luxury SUV family wagon market is a weird market. | ||
| Like, there's Range Rovers and... | ||
| There's a bunch of Mercedes SUVs and BMW SUVs, but this is like the first, other than the Cadillac Escalade, kind of, but this is like another level. | ||
| Like super high-tech, family luxury sled that hauls ass. | ||
| It's pretty dope, dude. | ||
| I watched some of the videos on it, how they make these things, and like all the different features that they have in them. | ||
| Huge screens now. | ||
| Everything has giant screens. | ||
| Like a lot of these cars now, they don't have a dashboard. | ||
| They just have a screen. | ||
| And, you know, you could customize it in different ways. | ||
| Yeah, mine is a fake screen. | ||
| Yeah, like a virtual screen. | ||
| Virtual gauges, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It comes on and stuff. | ||
| It's crazy, man. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| It's weird to see. | ||
| I got a video we should watch. | ||
| It's coming up from the Google I.O. thing. | ||
| It might... | ||
| Counter contradict what we're just talking about. | ||
| It says, no joke, Google Assistant will start making phone calls to small businesses to make appointments on your behalf. | ||
| It's called Google Duplex. | ||
| The AI caller even adds ums and hmms. | ||
| Oh, Jesus. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hello, how's the name out here? | |
| Hi, I'm calling to book a woman's haircut for a client. | ||
| I'm looking for something I've been hearing. | ||
| It's not a real voice. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sure, give me one second. | |
| No way. | ||
| What time are you looking for, Ro? | ||
| At 12 p.m. | ||
| We do not have a 12 p.m. | ||
| available. | ||
| The closest we have to that is a 1.15. | ||
| Do you have anything between 10 a.m. | ||
| and 12 p.m.? | ||
| Depending on what service you would like, what service is she looking for? | ||
| Just a woman's haircut for now? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay, we have a 10 o'clock. | |
| 10 a.m. | ||
| is fine. | ||
| Okay, what's her birth name? | ||
| The first name is Lisa? | ||
| Okay, perfect. | ||
| So I will see Lisa at 10 o'clock on May 3rd. | ||
| Okay, great. | ||
| Thanks. | ||
| Great. | ||
| Have a great day. | ||
| Bye. | ||
| That's awesome. | ||
| I love that. | ||
| Google, you freak me out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Take it back. | |
| Yeah, okay, so now... | ||
| Take it back. | ||
| That's scary. | ||
| That's cool. | ||
| See, I think we just learned something. | ||
| I think we're going to be having conversations with those things. | ||
| It's going to be like that movie with Joaquin Phoenix. | ||
| That's her. | ||
| That is her. | ||
| Look, man, it's just a matter of time. | ||
| I don't know how much time, but it's definitely 20 years. | ||
| In 20 years, you're going to have people calling you. | ||
| You're going to have me calling you. | ||
| I'm going to call you and say some goofy shit, and it's not even going to be me. | ||
| I'm going to call you up and go, Dude, what are you doing right now? | ||
| Let's come on. | ||
| Fuck sleep. | ||
| Let's go do something. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Let's get in the car. | |
| Let's go drive. | ||
| Let's just go drive to Joshua Tree right now and do mushrooms. | ||
| Fuck it. | ||
| You don't have any kids. | ||
| You'd be like, okay, I'll be by your house in 20 minutes. | ||
| You'd be out there waiting. | ||
| Meanwhile, I'm home sleeping. | ||
| Well, it is weird when you talk to like, you know, like you call up Apple or something like that and you have the automated assistant and they have the fake typewriter sounds like, oh, let me try. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I hate that. | |
| It makes me mad. | ||
| It makes me mad. | ||
| Do they still do that? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| I heard it the other day. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| That's so crazy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Let me check. | |
| Check. | ||
| I hate it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's right! | |
| Why don't you just take that out and just be faster? | ||
| Let me hear some of that, Jamie. | ||
| Let me hear some of that fake typewriter sound. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's hilarious. | |
| I forgot they do that. | ||
| Yeah, Apple does that. | ||
| Ugh. | ||
| It's so clunky, too. | ||
| Sounds shitty. | ||
| I just wish Apple had more options. | ||
| You know, like, I get that they only want to have one phone, and a few different versions of it, rather. | ||
| You know, they have a small one, they have the big one, the middle-sized one. | ||
|
unidentified
|
... from Canada Revenue Agency. | |
| The reason why we are trying to get in touch with you is just to notify you that there is a tax fraud perspective in your tax fraud. | ||
| This is the sound of a scammer, a tax scammer. | ||
| But what Brian said was that when you call Apple, they would have a fake typewriter sound in the background. | ||
| But I did get scammed by that tax scammer. | ||
| You got scammed by that guy? | ||
| That was the one I was talking about earlier. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| But they didn't really get you. | ||
| No, I knew right away. | ||
| You got knocked on. | ||
| I did tell my accountant. | ||
| He goes, yeah, they don't do that. | ||
| That's what I thought. | ||
| You need to contact me with your whereabouts right now. | ||
| Like, who's hearing that going, what? | ||
| What? | ||
| I gotta contact you. | ||
| Hold on. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hang on. | |
| I'm in Walmart right now. | ||
| Let me get to my car. | ||
| Hello? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm calling you back about the tax thing. | |
| Oh, we are so lucky that you have contacted me at this moment for dangers in the air, sir. | ||
| Fake typewriter noise. | ||
| Did you see Chris Delia get in a war with those Logan guys? | ||
| I only know about it because of young Jamie. | ||
| Young Jamie informed me that it might have been one of the most epic verbal battles. | ||
| Chris is so funny, man. | ||
| He owned them so hard. | ||
| And to the point where, whatever the guy's name is, is like, oh, he's making fun of a young kid or something like that. | ||
| Like, he calls himself, like, a younger... | ||
| Or he calls him an old man. | ||
| Like, this old man making fun of a young whippersnapper. | ||
| Yeah, young people always like to point that out, that you're older. | ||
| Yeah, they think it's... | ||
| It's hilarious. | ||
| Because they're so terrified of getting old. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, everybody is. | ||
| So, like, there's this thing where someone will make fun of you. | ||
| Yeah, look at you, bro. | ||
| Look at you, bro. | ||
| You're fucking 36 years old. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah? | |
| What does that mean? | ||
| It's almost over, bro. | ||
| 659,000 likes. | ||
| He said, at least when my career dies, you can film it and put it on YouTube. | ||
| Remember the suicide force? | ||
| And then why does Logan Paul... | ||
| He's responding to his... | ||
| Oh, I'm laughing because now I know why your comedy career took a dive. | ||
| Oh, Jesus, did he get owned. | ||
| And so then Chris says to him that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| At least when my career dies, you can film it and put it on YouTube. | ||
| That is 658,000 likes? | ||
| Yeah, more than Trump. | ||
| Any tweet Trump's ever had. | ||
| Chris D'Elia, you need to run for president. | ||
| You know how strong that is? | ||
| You know how strong that response is? | ||
| That's like the strongest response I've ever seen. | ||
| This is Logan's response to that. | ||
| Say, but not going to lie, this single tweet is funny than your entire Netflix special. | ||
| Thanks. | ||
| How does it feel to have your name finally attached to something funny? | ||
| My god Oh my god. | ||
| I don't know what's worse, being the shunned vlogger or being the 38 year old comedian arguing with the shunned vlogger on Twitter. | ||
| Ask your fans to have their moms read this tweet out loud to them. | ||
| See what they think. | ||
| Oh my God, that's good. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| Chris is the greatest. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| He's the wrong guy to fuck with. | ||
| He'll do this all day. | ||
| Old people roasting me. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Greatest thing on planet Earth. | |
| How about this? | ||
| You're my son. | ||
| Tag your fucking daddy. | ||
| I'm your fucking daddy. | ||
| Oh, what's the thing that he deleted? | ||
| Oh, that's hilarious. | ||
| Damn powerful, Chris D'Elia. | ||
| Fucking love it. | ||
| Harden the paint. | ||
| Chris a funny dude, man. | ||
| Dude, his Instagram stories are some of my favorites. | ||
| Anything Chris does is pretty fucking funny. | ||
| So far you've called me daddy and admitted to watching my entire comedy special. | ||
| Are you trying to burn me or fuck me? | ||
| Okay, that's enough. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| He's hilarious. | ||
| I don't know why you would try to fight a professional comedian on Twitter. | ||
| Because he thinks he's a comedian. | ||
| Especially a guy like Chris who loves that kind of shit. | ||
| He loves that kind of stuff. | ||
| Who doesn't? | ||
| He's like an artist with that kind of stuff. | ||
| Perfectly not aggressive. | ||
| Everything about it is very smooth. | ||
| It's very good. | ||
| Yeah, it was like the old days. | ||
| It was very good. | ||
| Owning people on the internet. | ||
| That was a very good one, you know? | ||
| People are so weird. | ||
| They really are. | ||
| I'm just wondering what's going to be the next thing that people... | ||
| You know, like... | ||
| Instagram seems to be like a... | ||
| That's a platform people like. | ||
| They like pictures and text behind the pictures. | ||
| But what is going to be the next thing? | ||
| Is it going to be some sort of augmented thing? | ||
| Some virtual thing or some goggles thing? | ||
| It's going to be something. | ||
| It's going to be something in another space other than just your phone. | ||
| I really think that there's going to come a time where the same amount of time that people spend on social media, they're going to spend in some sort of an augmented state. | ||
| Like you'll be able to wear these things for work because they help you pull things up. | ||
| So people just accept, I have to have my goggles. | ||
| Like everybody wears goggles at a certain point in time because it's just so much cooler. | ||
| It adjusts for vision. | ||
| It gives you perfect vision. | ||
| That Black Mirror episode about the DVR, where everyone can record. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| I mean, so many other Black Mirror things have sort of been coming true. | ||
| That seems like the most realistic one that might happen, I think. | ||
| Recording memories? | ||
| Yeah, probably someday. | ||
| I think they're close. | ||
| I saw an article recently. | ||
| They're close to being able to either record your dreams and play them back for you or reinterpret them after you're awake. | ||
| But I think it's record them as you're sleeping and you can kind of find out what you were. | ||
| Maybe rewatch it or something. | ||
| I hope not. | ||
| What if that shit's in high def? | ||
| What if you're like falling off buildings in high def? | ||
| Demons are barking at you. | ||
| High def. | ||
| Do you ever out of nowhere just have a dream you're like embarrassed that you even thought that even though you had no control of it? | ||
| A lot of them. | ||
| Theoretically, recording dreams is possible. | ||
| Scientists are trying. | ||
| Discover Magazine from March 1st. | ||
| Of course it is. | ||
| They're just going to figure out how to get into the door. | ||
| Eventually, if people survive, they're going to have, with every generation, a greater and greater understanding of how to manipulate things around them. | ||
| That's what people strive for. | ||
| Strive for manipulating the environment, manipulating electrical currents, manipulating... | ||
| It's concrete, moving things around, shaping things. | ||
| We just keep getting better and better and better at it. | ||
| Of course we're gonna keep getting better and better at it technologically. | ||
| They're gonna have some crazy shit, man. | ||
| And we're gonna wonder why we did it. | ||
| We're gonna all be stuck in some strange, weird, matrix-like environment. | ||
| We already are. | ||
| It seems like it easily could be happening. | ||
| Not necessarily like right now, but on the way to that. | ||
| What's the logical conclusion? | ||
| Does anybody believe that people at this point are going to back up? | ||
| That they're going to go, hey, you know what? | ||
| This technology is just getting too much into our lives. | ||
| We went to a restaurant last night. | ||
| Dad was on his phone. | ||
| This kid's got a 12-inch iPad propped up in front of him. | ||
| The other kid on the other side of the table has a 12-inch iPad propped up in front of him. | ||
| And they're just watching three different things. | ||
| And no one's talking to each other. | ||
| And they're at a sushi joint. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And you're like, wow. | ||
| This is what people do. | ||
| They get together, they put a show on in front of the kid, here you go, and they just, the entire time, not even like, the parents are done, they want to talk, and can I use your phone? | ||
| Yeah, here, go ahead, use my phone, play a game. | ||
| The kid's playing the game, somebody's talking to somebody. | ||
| No, nobody's talking to anybody. | ||
| Everybody's looking at an electronic device. | ||
| You go to a public place, and they sit down, and they're not interacting with each other. | ||
| It is super normal, man. | ||
| If you look around, it's super normal. | ||
| Super normal. | ||
| Weird. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Weird. | |
| We're going to wonder about that in a few years. | ||
| We're going to wonder, how do they let that in? | ||
| I was watching these little kids. | ||
| I was like, okay, I don't want to be a judgy parent. | ||
| I'm just looking at it like a human. | ||
| How much less time are they spending talking to people now? | ||
| How many less awkward moments at the dinner table where you had to work out just controlling your temper or controlling your emotions or controlling the way you interact with people or trying to be nicer about some of the ways you say things and learning to get... | ||
| The only way people learn about that stuff is at a dinner table, right? | ||
| Talking to each other. | ||
| That's part of like... | ||
| How people learn to communicate with each other, sitting down at dinner, right? | ||
| All of a sudden everybody's like watching a screen. | ||
| How much less time are we spending talking? | ||
| Like how much shittier are people going to be if they continue doing that at talking to real people? | ||
| And is that an issue? | ||
| I think people don't have as strong as compassion with each other. | ||
| As much compassion. | ||
| As much compassion and value human life. | ||
| That's why there's more school shooters and the realness of it is kind of getting faded. | ||
| Death is way more in your eyes nowadays as a kid than it was when we were young. | ||
| We were just playing with frogs and playing cops and robbers. | ||
| We didn't have internet to see death. | ||
| We didn't have TV. It wasn't about death at the time. | ||
| It's a good point. | ||
| Video games is all death. | ||
| I mean, you have lives in video games. | ||
| You have lives when you were a kid. | ||
| Only cats had that. | ||
| That's a good point, man. | ||
| I mean, especially how much you can see on the internet. | ||
| The amount of horrible shit that people see on a daily basis on the internet. | ||
| Like, people will tell me, hey, you want to see this video? | ||
| I'm like, no. | ||
| I've seen enough. | ||
| I know what people are capable of. | ||
| I'm good. | ||
| Some people not, though. | ||
| Some people all day watching fucked up shit. | ||
| Didn't that start with cable, though? | ||
| Do you remember how it started with cable? | ||
| I wasn't old enough. | ||
| It did sort of, but it really started with videotape. | ||
| Like faces of death and shit like that. | ||
| You started seeing... | ||
| Yeah, it was faces of death. | ||
| I remember a video a friend of mine sent me. | ||
| It was a girl walking towards a train and she's not paying attention. | ||
| And she gets nailed by the train. | ||
| And it's fucking horrific, man. | ||
| She just gets torn apart. | ||
| You watch it and you're like, oh my god. | ||
| Oh my god, it's hard to watch. | ||
| I used to always talk about this, but what was it? | ||
| It was definitely Faces of Death, and it was definitely UFC 1, 2, and 3. You know, like, the early days of UFC, seeing mix-matched, like, people go at it, and just the brutal KOs, you know, and there was no rules back then. | ||
| It was just, like, death. | ||
| Yeah, there wasn't very many rules. | ||
| Like, you couldn't eye gouge, but you could punch in the nuts. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And you never saw that before. | ||
| Like, it was boxing on TV. It was never like, oh my god, these guys are fighting, like, dirty. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Dirty fighting. | ||
| And pulling hair and nut punching and shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, I think that's probably true, too. | ||
| I think our appetite for stimulation is increasing. | ||
| That's what I think, for real. | ||
| I think that's why people like so many thrilling things. | ||
| I think we're developing a stronger and stronger appetite for stimulation. | ||
| That's what I think it is, dude. | ||
| And I think the internet and, you know, just so many different things you could see, like, how was it that we can, like, instantaneously pull up video of a volcano eating a car? | ||
| I mean, what? | ||
| How many people are supposed to see that? | ||
| Like, you're not supposed to see that shit all day from all over the world. | ||
| You're not supposed to see all these different volcano eruptions and different shootings and cars running over people in Times Square and all that crazy shit. | ||
| Yeah, if you lived in Kansas, lava shouldn't really be worrying you. | ||
| Yeah, it should be on your list of shit. | ||
| You got a small amount of things to think about in front of you. | ||
| You could look forever at each direction. | ||
| Everything's flat. | ||
| You shouldn't be worried about lava. | ||
| You wish you should have some fucking lava to mix things up. | ||
| That's gotta be a weird place to be, man, when you're watching that earth crack open and you realize how thin the crust is between you and the most insane shit ever. | ||
| Rivers of hot, molten rock right under the surface of the ground you're walking on. | ||
| Like, what? | ||
| How much is down there? | ||
| Why did we camp out here? | ||
| I get paranoid. | ||
| It's still at earthquakes. | ||
| I was in the belly room of the Comedy Store the other day, packed, right? | ||
| And if it was just like the big earthquake, then we would all be dead. | ||
| It was too many people. | ||
| There would be no escape. | ||
| This whole place would be, you know what I mean? | ||
| But I got that in my head. | ||
| I'm like, okay, I gotta get out of here. | ||
| It's a terrible thing to think of, but if you're in a building and it starts collapsing. | ||
| Or any parking garage. | ||
| Living here in L.A., you go to this old parking garage, this downtown, and you're like, I'm gonna be a sandwich or something. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| I came to LA right after the first earthquake. | ||
| Not the first one, obviously, but the big one. | ||
| The last big one. | ||
| And then there was some small ones after that. | ||
| I think one of the biggest ones was San Francisco. | ||
| I think San Francisco was during the World Series. | ||
| It was a really big one, right? | ||
| How big was that one? | ||
| Was it going on during a game? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| I want to see that. | ||
| In the middle of the game, the fucking world started to end. | ||
| Oh, that would be cool footage. | ||
| San Francisco gets a lot of them. | ||
| The 6.9 is the same as the one in Hawaii. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| What's the coincidence of that, huh? | ||
| Wow. | ||
| That's some powerful shit, man. | ||
| Just to me, it's a... | ||
| It's a thing that we all know to be true, but you don't think about it until it happens. | ||
| We all know that the Earth's mantle shifts and moves. | ||
| We know that it happens. | ||
| We know that earthquakes happen. | ||
| We know that volcanoes happen. | ||
| But even so, it's still... | ||
|
unidentified
|
So when is the earthquake here? | |
| Whoa. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| It's like a scene in a movie. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What the fuck? | |
| Holy shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| That's just one of those things, you know? | ||
| We think of it like, yeah, yeah, earthquakes are real. | ||
| But until it actually happens. | ||
| That's scary. | ||
| That's kind of scary. | ||
| You felt a good one, right? | ||
| You felt a little bit of a tremor. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It seems like it used to be way more when I first moved here. | ||
| I almost feel one once a month for a while. | ||
| I haven't felt one in a long time. | ||
| It's on tape right here, right? | ||
| What is? | ||
| Red Band's feeling the earthquake. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| This is probably the biggest one I remember. | ||
| On the air? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's a Death Squad studio. | ||
| It's frozen. | ||
| This happened to me before recently, too. | ||
| There it goes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I started thinking about... | |
| It's frozen. | ||
| Is it YouTube's fault? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's playing on my computer. | ||
| Oh, is it? | ||
| Oh, is it the machine? | ||
| The Tricaster thing? | ||
| Oh, yeah, that freaked me out because we had the studio at the Ice House and I kept on thinking about the ceiling just caving in because that's like an old building. | ||
| Yeah, and I freaked the fuck out. | ||
| That was scary. | ||
| I think they did something to make it earthquake compliant, though. | ||
| I hope I'm right about this. | ||
| Do you know how you walk through that courtyard area? | ||
| There's bolts. | ||
| They put all that stuff, apparently, to reinforce it from earthquakes. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, the walls or something, it might fix, but the ceiling will just fucking fall right through. | ||
| I mean, it leaks. | ||
| It's already half falling in. | ||
| That building's from, like, what? | ||
| 1950-something? | ||
| I probably said earlier than that. | ||
| I mean, that thing's crazy old. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I think it's been in operation as a nightclub since the 60s. | ||
| I think it started out as an actual ice house way earlier than that. | ||
| So it opened in 1960. 1960? | ||
| It opened the ice house. | ||
| But what was it before in that building? | ||
| I'm pretty sure in that building it was an actual ice house, which is why they decided to call it the ice house. | ||
| You know, Sean doesn't work there anymore. | ||
| Yeah, I know. | ||
| That sucks. | ||
| 20 years. | ||
| He's an awesome guy. | ||
| That place is so sweet. | ||
| Well, where'd he go? | ||
| I'm not sure. | ||
| I haven't talked to him. | ||
| He's a massage therapist now. | ||
| Hey! | ||
| He's doing that butthole thing. | ||
| He does it better than anybody. | ||
| At first it feels weird because you know him. | ||
| Yeah, but he does that thing with the air. | ||
| He blows it in there. | ||
| Oh, I don't think that's not FDA approved. | ||
| Could you imagine what this was? | ||
| Is that RubMaps still a thing? | ||
| It's so funny. | ||
| I know this. | ||
| When Backpage went down, RubMaps kind of freaked out for like a week and said, like, hey, you know, we're not open right now. | ||
| Nothing's working. | ||
| You won't be charged this month. | ||
| But then a couple weeks later, it was always working, too. | ||
| It just had this weird notice before it. | ||
| Well, I wonder how people feel, you know, that are in that business. | ||
| Like those back page companies and all those companies that are, you know, those, it's like classifieds, right? | ||
| Right. | ||
| So they have to pay to be in the classifieds, is that how it works? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So they lose all that business, all of it. | ||
| It's like a non-viable business anymore. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Well, Rub Maps was good because it was like Yelp, you know, for massage parts. | ||
| And so if you wanted to go... | ||
| I use it for the opposite reason now, where like the other day I wanted a real massage and I checked to make sure that that wasn't a rub-and-tub place. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Because they're all rub-and-tub places here in Los Angeles. | ||
| Like it's hard to find one that's not now. | ||
| And sometimes you just don't want that. | ||
| You want a real massage. | ||
| I guess what I said doesn't make sense though because it's illegal activity. | ||
| So as long as it's illegal activity, of course they have to take it down. | ||
| No. | ||
| Don't they? | ||
| Not really. | ||
| What are they supposed to do? | ||
| Freedom of speech and shit. | ||
| Like, you're allowed to talk about cocaine. | ||
| You're not going to get, like, your website taken down, and that's crazy legal, right? | ||
| That's not even what I mean. | ||
| I mean, I don't think that... | ||
| I feel like if you're a person who is making this decision in, like, 2018, you're saying, you know what? | ||
| We've got to crack down on prostitution. | ||
| We've got to figure out a way to put a stop to this. | ||
| What are you wasting your time doing that for? | ||
| Don't we have other really big issues that we have a hard time finding enough people to tackle? | ||
| The biggest problem is sex trafficking. | ||
| That's the real reason there's too much traffic. | ||
| Yeah, that's a big one. | ||
| Just, when everything's unregulated, right? | ||
| Anything that's unregulated, you're always going to find someone who fills that gap who's a criminal. | ||
| Anything that's illegal, that people want, you know, whether it's drugs, anything. | ||
| It's really hard to tell people what they can and can't do. | ||
| It's really hard. | ||
| It doesn't seem to make any sense. | ||
| You shouldn't be able to, as long as no one's getting hurt. | ||
| You know, like, what if someone decides, hey man, we looked at this furry thing and you guys are just too weird. | ||
| You can't do this anymore. | ||
| You can't just dress up like mascots and have sex with each other and eat out of dog food bowls. | ||
| You can't do that anymore. | ||
| That's what they do! | ||
| These people, they're having a party as furries. | ||
| What if someone comes along and says, you can't do that anymore? | ||
| It's too weird. | ||
| Alright, then fine. | ||
| I mean... | ||
| I just think it's weird where people just can decide what other people can and can't do. | ||
| Especially when it comes to something as ridiculous as sex. | ||
| Touching is the thing that makes no sense. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Uh-huh. | |
| Like, hand jobs should not be illegal. | ||
| No, definitely not. | ||
| Like, you're allowed to touch my arm, but you can't touch my dick. | ||
| It's gonna be real weird when robots are fuckable. | ||
| Like, really weird. | ||
| When they're really fuckable, like they're hot. | ||
| You know, they're hot and it feels good. | ||
| What if someone raped a robot? | ||
| Is it gonna have rights? | ||
| Oh, Jesus Christ. | ||
| It's gonna kill you, bro. | ||
| They don't need to sleep. | ||
| That chick's gonna wait until you're sleeping and she's gonna fucking elbow your eye sockets right through. | ||
| A guy got arrested for fucking a car recently or something like that. | ||
| Yeah, I didn't hear about that. | ||
| I think it's a matter of time before they develop an AI in a physical body that so closely resembles a human body that you could turn the lights down, light a candle. | ||
| Those new ones? | ||
| It should be like the hottest girl in the world. | ||
| You've seen the new ones, right? | ||
| The new sex robots? | ||
| The new sex robots, the ones I think they make them in San Diego. | ||
| I think it's the same guy that made the real doll. | ||
| But he has that new AI and the new bodies. | ||
| You can order it now, I think. | ||
| Pre-order it now. | ||
| They had a video of it, and the AI is pretty legit. | ||
| And it's not bad. | ||
| It talks to you. | ||
| It remembers you. | ||
| You can pick the face. | ||
| You can design what you want it to look like. | ||
| Dude, it's a matter of time. | ||
| It is a matter of time. | ||
| I know a comedian, you know Fleshlight, remember Fleshlight? | ||
| I guess they make these motorized Fleshlights now. | ||
| It kind of just strokes you while you're fucking... | ||
| So my friend, a comedian we know, I won't say who it is, but he injured his dick hole from it. | ||
| It went too hard in the pain of his dick hole? | ||
| It went too hard and he had to go to the doctor and tell the doctor. | ||
| Oh my god, that's awful. | ||
| That's a terrible story. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Jesus Christ, dude. | ||
| That's a terrible story. | ||
| I got a flashlight the other day. | ||
| I haven't used one in a while. | ||
| Do you still use yours? | ||
| Alright, I think this podcast is basically over. | ||
| Brian just hit the wall. | ||
| It's been a while. | ||
| We're like three hours in, too. | ||
| No, I don't use it anymore. | ||
| I always felt so much more shame using it than I did just using my hand. | ||
| But it does feel better. | ||
| Way better. | ||
| It does. | ||
| That's legit. | ||
| Those travel ones are nice. | ||
| You shoot through, so you don't even have to clean it up anymore. | ||
| You just shoot through it. | ||
| He didn't make this homemade one. | ||
| What is this? | ||
| A guy made a homemade dick sucker? | ||
| Jesus Christ, this looks terrible. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's got metal and PVC pipe and shit. | |
| The end of the pipe is cut at 45 degrees. | ||
| Fleshlight, PVC pipe. | ||
| Get the fuck out of here. | ||
| It's got like a little kid's toy train. | ||
| It's going to choo-choo right onto his dick. | ||
| It's got a lot of views, too. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look at it. | |
| Nylon nuts, bolts, washers, aluminum. | ||
| Plywood. | ||
| Plywood. | ||
| 12-volt power supply. | ||
| This one has 150,000. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Get out of that. | ||
| Cock-sucking machine. | ||
| It's such a bad idea. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Cock-sucking machine. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Wait, can he change this? | ||
| That is hilarious. | ||
| So it's gonna slowly but... | ||
| Oh, he can control the pace that it blows him. | ||
| Proof of concept. | ||
| Proof of concept. | ||
| Yeah, whatever, bro. | ||
| Type in the flesh one, motorized fleshlight. | ||
| That's what I did. | ||
| That's how I got this one. | ||
| Well, listen. | ||
| I think we can wrap this up safely. | ||
| I missed the list. | ||
| These are strange days. | ||
| I think we learned a lot today. | ||
| I did not know that you could make a fucking phone call with an artificial intelligence thing that could say, um, and would make appointments for you and shit. | ||
| Yeah, we all learned that today. | ||
| That scared the shit out of me. | ||
| I didn't know about these choo-choo train, fake vagina contraptions that these kids are hacking, these wacky kids. | ||
| YouTubers. | ||
| I learned that. | ||
| I'm... | ||
| I am... | ||
| Very confused when it comes to the future. | ||
| This stuff is... | ||
| I think this is all happening in front of us. | ||
| I think it's insanely crazy and insanely transformative and it's happening. | ||
| We don't have a fucking clue as to where it's going and there's nothing we can do about it. | ||
| So we're all like, well, it is what it is. | ||
| I think it's nuts. | ||
| I think we're 20 years from the fucking Matrix, and we're seeing it happen. | ||
| We're seeing it happen right now in front of us. | ||
| We're seeing the little baby steps. | ||
| Like, nah, nah, we're so far off. | ||
| Yeah, I went to that whole thing the other day. | ||
| It was nothing. | ||
| Went to the conference. | ||
| Nah, nothing impressed me. | ||
| Would you rather find out that we're about to be in it or that we've been in it the whole time? | ||
| Which would make you more comfortable? | ||
| That's a very good question. | ||
| Damn, that's a good question. | ||
| What do you think? | ||
| I think we're already in it, so I'll choose that one. | ||
| Well... | ||
| Gun to the head. | ||
| What would you do? | ||
| I think the reality itself is obviously some sort of weird thing because you're looking at it. | ||
| You're looking at it through your eyes. | ||
| Your eyes are determining the positions that things are in and what they look like and where things are. | ||
| And there's all these things that are going on around you all the time that you have no control of and they're everywhere, all over the planet, people living lives. | ||
| And you interface with those lives occasionally. | ||
| You're just accustomed to the manner in which you do it. | ||
| So it seems normal. | ||
| But every night you close your eyes and you go uncomfortable Unconscious and who knows what the fuck happens to your brain and then you wake up in the morning you have to pee and you're struggling to try to figure out what happened yesterday and then while this is happening your ex-girlfriend's fucking your best friend from high school and they got together and you know it's like can't believe Jamie left I mean he said he was gonna stay forever and the next thing you know All these lives intersect with each other all over the world. | ||
| It is kind of a hologram. | ||
| It's kind of a crazy... | ||
| If real life wasn't real, it would be super interesting. | ||
| You'd be like, look at the way life works. | ||
| Look at the way... | ||
| They breathe in air and breathe out carbon dioxide, and the trees breathe into carbon dioxide and breathe out air, but they keep chopping down the trees. | ||
| They keep chopping down the trees. | ||
| They don't care. | ||
| They're like, who cares? | ||
| I want paper. | ||
| I want to wipe my ass with a tree. | ||
| They just wipe their ass with trees. | ||
| Literally, they grind millions of trees down every year and turn into pulp so they can make paper to wipe their ass. | ||
| They literally wipe their ass with nature. | ||
| Why don't they just use soap and water? | ||
| No. | ||
| No. | ||
| I want a tree. | ||
| I want some pulverized tree to wipe my ass with. | ||
| Tissue paper. | ||
| It's tissue paper. | ||
| It's fucking trees. | ||
| Is tissue paper really made out of trees? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| 100%? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Synthetic tissue paper that's made out of like dolphin tears? | ||
| Something even worse? | ||
| What's like synthetic toilet paper? | ||
| Is that real? | ||
| I mean, look, they have tofu chicken, right? | ||
| You don't think they have some sort of an organic... | ||
| They can make plastic out of it, I think. | ||
| I've seen right out of soy. | ||
| Do they make hemp toilet paper, and would it be too rough? | ||
| Maybe it'd be the best thing ever. | ||
| Tree-free bathroom tissue. | ||
| Hemp toilet paper does not sound good. | ||
| Oh, someone's doing it? | ||
| Someone's putting it together? | ||
| Is it a start-up? | ||
| Is it vegan? | ||
| Dude, I was reading all the people that invested hundreds of millions of dollars into that scam blood test company. | ||
| That blood test company story is crazy. | ||
| Theranos. | ||
| There was this woman and they were calling her like the next Steve Jobs. | ||
| The female Steve Jobs. | ||
| She even dressed like him. | ||
| She wore black turtlenecks. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And she had become this self-made person. | ||
| I think from college started this company. | ||
| And then by the time she was like 40, whatever she was, when they busted her, she was worth $34 billion because of this blood testing thing that she had developed. | ||
| And then as time went on, they realized that it didn't really work. | ||
| And then all these people had invested, like Betsy DeVos, I think it was, and Warren Buffett. | ||
| Warren Buffett invested over $100 million. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| In this company. | ||
| That was bullshit. | ||
| So they put these people's health at risk because they gave them these tests and the test didn't work. | ||
| And they're showing that they kind of knew the test didn't work. | ||
| But this is how this woman dressed all the time. | ||
| It's really interesting, man. | ||
| It's a really interesting story. | ||
| Because when you see the amount of money that people invested into it, and then they're just shit out of luck. | ||
| She went from being worth, I think she was worth something crazy. | ||
| Like, the richest woman ever. | ||
| Or the richest self-made woman ever. | ||
| Something along those lines. | ||
| I think she was worth like $34 billion at one point. | ||
| Oh, she has a Twitter account. | ||
| Yeah, and then she's recently been charged with massive fraud. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I mean, I don't know shit about that business. | ||
| So I don't know if the blood test did or didn't work or if she's got a story that needs to be told. | ||
| And I don't know. | ||
| You just read what you read. | ||
| And what you read is that they've fibbed about results and they did some shit that they shouldn't have done. | ||
| And all these people got tests and they thought they were... | ||
| You know, if you get a blood test, you think you're getting the accurate results from a reputable company, and it wasn't. | ||
| It was a micro click, like they would take like a micro prick of blood, and they would take that blood and they would measure it, and that's how they would find whether you had diseases or not. | ||
| Yeah, I use that one all the time. | ||
| Richest self-made woman worth four and a half billion. | ||
| Okay, so why did I say 34? | ||
| That's not even real. | ||
| Who has that much? | ||
| Like three guys? | ||
| Zuckerberg, yeah, a couple other people. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| So she's worth four billion. | ||
| That's still nothing to sneeze at. | ||
| It's like a two bedroom apartment. | ||
| I remember a four. | ||
| I see a four. | ||
| Is it your father? | ||
| Who is it in the past? | ||
| So this thing, this story when it came out that all these people had invested hundreds of millions of dollars into it, it made me think, like, can you imagine how long it takes to make a hundred million dollars? | ||
| To have a hundred million dollars to invest in something that's bullshit? | ||
| Can you imagine, like, what it must feel to find out that that shit didn't work? | ||
| You're like, what? | ||
| Like, yeah, you invested in a scam. | ||
| It's all bullshit. | ||
| What? | ||
| Yeah, they're being charged with massive fraud. | ||
| No! | ||
| No! | ||
| Yeah, your hundred million dollars is gone. | ||
| What? | ||
| What the fuck did you just say? | ||
| Your hundred million dollars is gone. | ||
| They just got arrested. | ||
| She got charged with massive fraud. | ||
| What? | ||
| So she's in prison? | ||
| It's happening in the crypto market with ICO's initial coin offerings, what it's called. | ||
| People will make some sort of pitch and pitch people that their new startup is worth it. | ||
| And instead of taking investor money, they take cryptocurrency, if you will. | ||
| And then after they gain a bunch, they just disappear. | ||
| It happens almost every week now. | ||
| Exit scammers run off with $660 million in ICO earnings. | ||
| See, this is like what you were saying about the Nigerian people getting online and them not knowing certain scams. | ||
| It's like scammers find a way in every system. | ||
| There's not tons of scams out there. | ||
| They're just getting repurposed. | ||
| They're just another trick. | ||
| They just put a little twist on it, change the name, and it's a new scam. | ||
| It's all the same scams. | ||
| Actually, you want to know my postal scam? | ||
| Postal? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I've actually never done this, but it's like where you... | ||
| Are you going to get arrested for what you're about to say? | ||
| Well, I don't know. | ||
| Let's be careful here. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| Well, I've never done it. | ||
| The post office are pit bulls. | ||
| Ask Lance Armstrong. | ||
| Those motherfuckers come down on you. | ||
| I've never done it, but this is something that I think somebody told me they used to do in college. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't even know if it really works. | ||
| But like I said, I wanted to send you a letter. | ||
| I would put you as the... | ||
| Return address. | ||
| Yeah, just switch return address and the send address. | ||
| Throw it in one of those blue mailboxes. | ||
| Hey, they'll go, hey, no stamp. | ||
| Return the sender. | ||
| Now I send you that letter. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| They probably know that one already. | ||
| Yeah, they probably do. | ||
| You can only do that with a letter, though, probably. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, they're probably like, what? | ||
| How to get all the way over here They know better today, yeah, they're smarter than you, bro So. | ||
| That was like a hippie scam. | ||
| So, let's be scared together. | ||
| Let's wrap this up. | ||
| We should be scared of technology. | ||
| Agreed? | ||
| Agreed? | ||
| This is getting out of hand. | ||
| Agreed? | ||
| It's on its way. | ||
| I definitely know I'm under the influence of marijuana. | ||
| It's also fun. | ||
| It's also very fun, technology. | ||
| It's very fun. | ||
| It allows us to do this show. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| I'm not anti-technology. | ||
| I'm not even anti where this is going. | ||
| I'm just like, oh my god, there's a waterfall coming up, guys. | ||
| We're on a raft. | ||
| There's a waterfall coming up. | ||
| You tell me it's okay? | ||
| You can go over the waterfall? | ||
| Okay. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| Depends if we need protection. | ||
| I don't know if we're going over this waterfall if we're going to make it. | ||
| We'll be fine. | ||
| Robot fuck dolls. | ||
| They're coming. | ||
| They're going to take over your life. | ||
| All right, Brian. | ||
| What do you got coming up? | ||
| Shows? | ||
| Tonight, improv with Pablo Francisco and Adam Devine. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, shit. | |
| Pablo's in the house. | ||
| Tell him what's up. | ||
| This weekend, me and Tony are taking Kill Tony to Vegas. | ||
| We'll be in Vegas. | ||
| Which club? | ||
| We're playing this place called the Dive Bar, which is, I guess, seats like 200 people. | ||
| It's like an old bar that's been there forever. | ||
| Nice. | ||
| There's still tickets to that. | ||
| San Francisco is sold out. | ||
| And then we're going to be in Detroit with Danny Brown. | ||
| He's going to be on Kill Tony with us. | ||
| And Texas. | ||
| And we're all over the place. | ||
| DustSquad.tv. | ||
| Click on tour dates. | ||
| Excellent. | ||
| And if you're looking for a... | ||
| Oh, you don't have your powerful shirt on. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I do not. | |
| YoungJamie.com. | ||
| I have a few left. | ||
| A few left on one. | ||
| YoungJamie.com. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Powerful. | |
| All right. | ||
| That's it, fuckers. | ||
| We'll be back tomorrow. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| Bye. |
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