Nov. 15, 2017 - The Joe Rogan Experience
01:46:30
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
| Ladies and gentlemen, coming at you live from sunny California, it's Brian Regan! | ||
| Joe! | ||
| How are you, brother? | ||
| Great, man. | ||
| How are you? | ||
| Long time, man. | ||
| I haven't seen you in, like, what, a year and a half or something? | ||
| Something like that. | ||
| I see you've got a new place here, and congratulations. | ||
| Thank you, sir. | ||
| Very nice. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| It's huge. | ||
| It's a big spot. | ||
| Got big plans. | ||
| Big plans. | ||
| Apparently. | ||
| We want to have a lot of fun here. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Make it a big old fun house. | ||
| Yeah, that's what they were saying. | ||
| You're putting games in and... | ||
| All kinds of crazy stuff. | ||
| Virtual hunting. | ||
| It's an archery game. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Uh-huh. | |
| Yeah, you use an actual compound bow. | ||
| It's called Techno Hunt. | ||
| And you ever see those... | ||
| Do you play golf? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| You do. | ||
| You know those games where you whack the golf ball into the screen and a virtual golf ball rolls around? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| They have one of those for archery. | ||
| You actually use a regular compound bow and you shoot it at the screen and when... | ||
| The tips, instead of using a regular arrow tip, you use this flat tip. | ||
| It's like the head of a tack. | ||
| And here it is. | ||
| Powerful Jamie. | ||
| And so you shoot it at the screen, and it shows you these animals that you'd be hunting. | ||
| And you use an actual bow, and where it hits, it shows you whether or not it's a good impact. | ||
| Like that right there was perfect. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah, it shows the arrow impact. | ||
| It shows how fast the arrow's going. | ||
| So you're getting that put in here? | ||
| That's going to be put in here, too. | ||
| Very nice. | ||
| Not in this room. | ||
| Out there. | ||
| In the whole major complex. | ||
| Yeah, we're going to do a bunch of shit here. | ||
| There's so much opportunity now on the internet to do things, to do content. | ||
| I'm going to do a weekly MMA show. | ||
| Now that people know, I've decided that. | ||
| It's my new thing. | ||
| Weekly. | ||
| Weekly MMA breakdown. | ||
| Every week. | ||
| How big is your resume? | ||
| How many things? | ||
| You've got so many things. | ||
| I'm not adding any things. | ||
| I'm just doing stuff. | ||
| Yeah, but I've told people, and this is going to sound like I'm... | ||
| You have been successful at so many different things, it's quite amazing. | ||
| I mean, you have the stand-up career, successful stand-up career. | ||
| You were on a sitcom, a hit sitcom, right? | ||
| You did Fear Factor, hit show, right? | ||
| And then you do the, what is it, WW? What's the wrestling? | ||
| I don't know anything about wrestling. | ||
| UFC! Ultimate Fighting Championship. | ||
| You do that? | ||
| You've got this podcast? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm crazy. | ||
| That's pretty impressive. | ||
| It's not. | ||
| I have mental problems and I've figured out how to boil them down into a healthy mixture of activities that keeps me friendly and sane and kind and generous. | ||
| That's what I do. | ||
| Good for you. | ||
| Just keep moving. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Just gotta keep moving. | |
| Gotta keep moving. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Keep my caveman brain engaged. | |
| Well, congratulations on everything. | ||
| What's going on with you, man? | ||
| You still living in Vegas? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| You fucking madman. | ||
| You're like the nicest guy ever to live in Vegas. | ||
| Everybody in Vegas is like, gotta gamble. | ||
| I'm fucking going crazy. | ||
| I need a Ferrari. | ||
| I want a bigger yacht. | ||
| No. | ||
| My kids are in Vegas. | ||
| I like living in Vegas, but I don't really do the Vegas thing the way other people think. | ||
| Well, that's a big misconception, right? | ||
| A lot of people believe that if you live in Vegas, you've got to be a nutty gambler, a crazy person, going to the clubs. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I have white tigers at home. | ||
| Exactly! | ||
| Hanging out with Wayne Newton. | ||
|
unidentified
|
A closet full of rhinestone capes. | |
| I mean, I do have that, but I don't wear them all the time. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| That would be awesome if you switched it up. | ||
| This weekend... | ||
| I promise I'll be wearing rhinestone capes on stage. | ||
| This is what I want to see from you. | ||
| I want to see abalone shell glasses, like the outside. | ||
| Just like a real glistening, iridescent glasses. | ||
| And then just plumes. | ||
| Lots of feathers. | ||
| And go on stage and do the same act. | ||
| Yeah, same act. | ||
| It'd be fucking amazing. | ||
| What's with sprinkles on donuts? | ||
|
unidentified
|
And go, is that abalone? | |
| He's wearing abalone shades. | ||
| Yeah, people would take your pictures and be all this glistening and reflection off of the frames. | ||
| I just feel like you could switch it up. | ||
| Yeah, maybe one day. | ||
| Right now I like doing it the way I do it, but it'll be my ace in the hole. | ||
| I love what you're doing because you're a guy that has been steadily performing and you've built this massive following where you do these big giant places. | ||
| Dude, you did Red Rock in Colorado. | ||
| That's fucking huge. | ||
| That's a giant place. | ||
| I was humbled and honored to be able to perform there. | ||
| It's a beautiful venue, obviously. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| Have you performed there or seen a show there? | ||
| No. | ||
| I'm actually in Colorado on Friday, and I'm booking Red Rock for a year and a half out in the future. | ||
| That's my next gig I'm doing in Colorado. | ||
| It's going to be Red Rock. | ||
| Oh, well, it's amazing. | ||
| I've heard it's awesome. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Years ago when I was performing... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look at that. | |
| Come on. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| I mean, just look at the fucking, the beauty in that place. | ||
| I mean, you're surrounded by these natural rock formations. | ||
| Goddamn, I fucking love Colorado. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| And to stand on that stage and look up at the, oh, that's me. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| You sign your name on the wall. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Dude. | ||
| I never sign it big. | ||
| See how small it is? | ||
| You're a sweetie. | ||
| That's why. | ||
| I never wanted to sign it big. | ||
| Look at the fucking... | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| So that's how people sit? | ||
| That's when I was there. | ||
| So you don't have a signed seating? | ||
| You just kind of jam in there? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, no, no. | |
| I think it's a signed seating. | ||
| Oh, because it looks like giant bench seating. | ||
| It is bench seating, but it's numbered off. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| I think. | ||
| Fuck, that's awesome. | ||
| And you did it kind of in the daytime? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| No, it started in the daytime. | ||
| I think that was Joe Bolster opening for me. | ||
| Who did this video? | ||
| It was people who did my webpage put the video together. | ||
| Jamie, we need to do something like this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
For sure. | |
| Let's do it. | ||
| So by the time I hit the stage, you can see it was dark. | ||
| Fuck, man. | ||
| This is amazing. | ||
| Holy shit, dude. | ||
| What is the sound like? | ||
| We have it dark because there were only 400 people in the entire venue. | ||
| Get the fuck out of here. | ||
| Look at the size of that place. | ||
| That's madness. | ||
| That's 9,000 people. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| It's so beautiful, too, man. | ||
| It's pretty cool. | ||
| There's something about that place. | ||
| And you could run the stairs and get a workout before you actually perform. | ||
| I have some friends who live in Colorado who go to Red Rock just to run the stairs. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We got there early in the day and I walked like halfway up just to see what it was like. | ||
| Plus it's a high altitude. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So I was like out of breath just walking up once halfway. | ||
| So there's no way I'm running those stairs. | ||
| Did you ever do Aspen? | ||
| Aspen Comedy Festival back when they had that? | ||
| Years ago. | ||
| They used to give you oxygen backstage. | ||
| Yeah, I've done shows at high altitude areas where they will point out where the oxygen tanks are backstage and say, if you need it, they're ready. | ||
| That's pretty disconcerting. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| They go, why would I need that? | ||
| And then they'll mention artists who needed it, you know, who had to come off stage and take a hit off it or whatever. | ||
| I've never had to do it. | ||
| But I have gotten lightheaded, like, you know. | ||
| Breckenridge, I think. | ||
| I remember being lightheaded on stage. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| I mean, I think Aspen, I want to say, is like a thousand feet above Denver. | ||
| I think Aspen's pretty up there, which is kind of a crazy place to do a comedy festival. | ||
| Right, right, right. | ||
| And also, when I used to perform at the Comedy Works in Denver, I didn't realize that alcohol would affect you more intensely at a high altitude as well. | ||
| And I used to drink a couple of beers before a show, and on a three-show Saturday night, you know, on that third show, you might have four or five beers in you. | ||
| I don't do that anymore, but I'd be on stage going, man, I'm lit up. | ||
| I slurring my punchlines. | ||
| That's a problem. | ||
| Yeah, I don't like to do that. | ||
| I want to kind of be in control. | ||
| It's not a good feeling. | ||
| Yeah, you know what's nice, though? | ||
| Right before you lose control. | ||
| You've got to get, like, right to the door. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You've got to get right to the door. | ||
| It's a fun place. | ||
| Right on the line. | ||
| Right on the edge. | ||
| It's hard. | ||
| You know, we need, like, a strip that you can, like, lick and look at it and go, hmm, we're getting close here. | ||
| Well, I know you like to shoot pool. | ||
| We shot pool last time. | ||
| It's similar to that when you have a couple of beers. | ||
| Like, for some people, and I think I'm one of these, if I'm completely sober, I'm not as good of a pool shooter because I'm too tense. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Where if you have a beer or two in you, you loosen up a little bit where you play better, but then you cross the lines. | ||
| And then you're gone. | ||
| Yeah, where it's just, you're not good at all. | ||
| So it's that line you're talking about. | ||
| I don't play good under alcohol. | ||
| I play good on marijuana. | ||
| Like, marijuana and pool, to me, goes great. | ||
| But alcohol just doesn't really go that good. | ||
| I can't even imagine shooting pool. | ||
| Well, the thing is about marijuana, it gives you... | ||
| Paranoid. | ||
| You definitely get paranoid. | ||
| I go, that four ball is saying something to me. | ||
| What's the deal with the... | ||
| Why is the two and the seven together like that? | ||
| I would start thinking weird thoughts. | ||
| There's a message. | ||
| There's a message in this table. | ||
| Clearly. | ||
| Yeah, there's absolute... | ||
| I took a month off. | ||
| We did this... | ||
| Me and Ari Shafir and Bert Kreischer and Tom Segura. | ||
| We did this Sober October thing, which I'm going to do every year. | ||
| And we took a month off of everything except coffee. | ||
| And we also did 15 90-minute Bikram yoga classes for the month. | ||
| Like, you owed 15. So it was an interesting little exercise in discipline because you had to do the yoga classes. | ||
| You had to get them in. | ||
| But it was also interesting for a guy who's been smoking pot pretty regularly for 20 years. | ||
| 20 years, somewhere around then, to go to nothing. | ||
| Zero. | ||
| It was very strange and very educational. | ||
| I think very valuable, too, because it gave me a real good perspective on the benefits of marijuana and maybe perhaps some of the cons, too. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So, this past October? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Completely sober. | ||
| No alcohol as well? | ||
| No, no alcohol. | ||
| Just some coffee? | ||
| Just coffee. | ||
| That was the only... | ||
| And even coffee is kind of cheating. | ||
| I think next time I'm going to do it with no coffee. | ||
| I think next time... | ||
| Because, you know what? | ||
| Whenever I would see those AA guys... | ||
| And they would be smoking cigarettes and just pounding coffee. | ||
| I'd be like, hey man, you're doing drugs. | ||
| Something in each hand. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And they're going, I've been off the problems for, you know... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think you need a vice. | ||
| You can't... | ||
| Maybe there are people who have gone through this world without having a vice, but I think you have to have... | ||
| Something. | ||
| Something that you can go to to go. | ||
| I know this is wrong, but as long as you're not hurting somebody, you know what I mean? | ||
| Yeah, I don't know if it's necessarily wrong, but I agree with you. | ||
| I know what you're saying. | ||
| I love that term, vice. | ||
| It's a very interesting term. | ||
| Like, I remember when you would see like the old cop movies, and they would talk about like the vice unit, like the vice squad. | ||
| Oh, they're looking, and then they go, what's your vice? | ||
| I'm like, shit, I got a vice? | ||
| But the vice unit is like... | ||
| There should be a booklet of all these vices that are available to people. | ||
| What is the exact term of vice? | ||
| Google the definition of vice. | ||
| Watch the vice president will pop up here. | ||
| Pence. | ||
| People even forget who he is. | ||
| When that guy's gone, they're going to completely forget him. | ||
| Boy, talk about being shadowed. | ||
| Alright, let's check out the definition of vice. | ||
| Immorality, wrongdoing, wickedness, badness, evil, iniquity. | ||
| Hmm, that's a weird word. | ||
| What does that word mean? | ||
| Villainy, corruption, misconduct, misdeeds, more. | ||
| There's more? | ||
| Click on more. | ||
| What is more? | ||
| There's more? | ||
| Oh, cinemas? | ||
| Criminal activities involving prostitution, pornography, or drugs. | ||
| Now, I'm on record saying that everyone should have one of these. | ||
| You need more pornography and drugs and wickedness and badness in your life. | ||
| You need more immoral or wicked personal characteristics. | ||
| I think those words are too strong. | ||
| When I think of vice, I think of, you know... | ||
| Cigarettes. | ||
| Yeah, having a shot of tequila. | ||
| A weakness of character or behavior, a bad habit. | ||
| Cigars happen to be my father's vice. | ||
| But how do you put cigars and drugs and criminal activities together? | ||
| How do you put criminal activities and drugs and cigars? | ||
| How are those in the same category? | ||
| Cigars doesn't fit in there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well, that's a problem. | |
| Right? | ||
| Like, there's a problem with the term drugs. | ||
| Like, drugs could be a cup of coffee, or drugs could be crystal meth. | ||
| They're both drugs. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know, when I see a guy smoking a cigar going, man, that guy is wicked. | ||
| He's a wicked criminal. | ||
| That's a wicked evil... | ||
| I bet you he's into pornography. | ||
| But we, that term vice is a strange term because we think of it as like a weakness. | ||
| And we're very embarrassed of our weaknesses, you know? | ||
| And if you can get out ahead of them and then explain, oh, well, you know, coffee's my vice. | ||
| Like, okay, okay, you're giving in to, you're letting us know. | ||
| You have this, here's your weakness. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know? | ||
| But coffee is a pretty... | ||
| Yes. | ||
| The most innocuous. | ||
| The most innocuous weakness that someone can cop to. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| And it's probably pretty good for you. | ||
| I keep reading... | ||
| It's so hard to tell. | ||
| Because you read one study that says a cup of coffee a week or a day can keep you from heart attacks. | ||
| Then another one says it takes 10 years off your life. | ||
| It's hard to figure out. | ||
| It's probably the same line thing. | ||
| I like to have a cocktail. | ||
| That would be my vice. | ||
| An A is the wrong word. | ||
| Look up... | ||
| Do you like to have one before you go on stage? | ||
| I like to have one shot before I go on stage. | ||
| I do a shot of chilled peach schnapps before I go on stage. | ||
| But it has nothing to do with the alcohol. | ||
| I like the ceremonial aspect. | ||
| So the people I'm working with, we all do a shot of chilled peach schnapps. | ||
| Oh, that's nice. | ||
| For the ceremony aspect of it, that's before the show. | ||
| After the show, I'll have something maybe a little stronger than a shot of chilled peach knobs. | ||
| To relax and unwind. | ||
| Actually, I don't drink that often, but I like to have my occasional night out with the guys. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Where you can kind of go ballistic. | ||
| It's fun. | ||
| And I do it safe. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| I'm not driving. | ||
| Golf weekends with the brothers and friends. | ||
| We're all in a house. | ||
| We're getting lit up. | ||
| We're not hurting anybody. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I hear you. | ||
| I'm with you. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't think there's anything wrong with it. | ||
| I mean, who's it? | ||
| Was it Oscar Wilde who said all things in moderation, including moderation? | ||
| Love it. | ||
| It's a great term. | ||
| Great quote. | ||
| Yeah, I think there's benefits to alcohol. | ||
| There's benefits in joy. | ||
| You pay for it in recovery, but there's benefits in bonding, friendship. | ||
| Some of the most fun times I've had with my friends has been us hammered. | ||
| I remember being in college at a party and everybody being in a living room cramped, like it was shoulder to shoulder. | ||
| Everyone had beers in their hands and everyone was screaming at the top of their lungs, like everybody. | ||
| It became like an animalistic, tribal, like everybody was just... | ||
| Like 60 people jammed together screaming. | ||
| And I remember thinking, is this just the ultimate in bliss? | ||
| It's just an expression of joy. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| It was just silly. | ||
| It was just silly. | ||
| It was so unbelievably goofy and silly. | ||
| But it's also, there's the inhibition... | ||
| Inducing quality of alcohol is very important for those moments, right? | ||
| Because it frees you from any concern about how you look or how you sound or whether or not you should be behaving this way. | ||
| And you can just... | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| But I wish I could do that without the alcohol. | ||
| Yeah, but you can't. | ||
| Can I say, hey, I need 49 people to come over to my place, and we're going to have some tea, and then we're all going to get shoulder to shoulder and scream at the top of our lungs? | ||
| No one would do that. | ||
| No. | ||
| You know, the alcohol kind of gives you the freedom to be goofy. | ||
| Yeah, it makes you feel like doing that. | ||
| Whereas you wouldn't feel like doing that if you were sober. | ||
| You'd be like, what the fuck is the benefit of screaming? | ||
| But maybe you do feel like it down deep. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hmm. | |
| You know what I mean? | ||
| I wonder. | ||
| Maybe there's something down deep and then the alcohol brings... | ||
| Because why would you do it when you're drunk? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| There's something that you want... | ||
| There's some reason why you're doing it. | ||
| I'll tell you one thing that I did find when I was sober for a month is that I would go out with people who were drinking and they would be annoying! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ha ha! | |
| Oh my god. | ||
| It's this fucking... | ||
| It's real hard when you're sober. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| And a bunch of people around you are just talking stupid drunk shit. | ||
| They're on that vibe. | ||
| Right, and you're not even close. | ||
| You're nowhere near that vibe. | ||
| You're like, hey, look at the time. | ||
| Let's get the fuck out of here. | ||
| That's funny. | ||
| That's funny. | ||
| That's why everybody has to be on the same page. | ||
| Yes, yes. | ||
| That's important. | ||
| Everybody has to be at the same level of goofiness, Shane. | ||
| Yeah, like if you're dating someone that doesn't drink and you're a drinker, that could be a real issue. | ||
| You know, if you start getting hammered and they're like, you're annoying. | ||
| Like, no, no, no. | ||
| You're fucking sober. | ||
| I'm not annoying. | ||
| I'm not annoying. | ||
| No, I'm not annoying. | ||
| I'm drunk. | ||
| This is what happens. | ||
| You don't even feel this moment like I feel this moment. | ||
| Play a good drunk, man. | ||
| I've been there before. | ||
| That's good. | ||
| That's strong. | ||
| Yeah, the problem is the physical repercussions are fucking massive. | ||
| Yeah, well those are now in my calendar. | ||
| Oh, you got them written in. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| I know when my crazy night is going to be and I know that I have nothing to do the next day. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Do you have like Pedialyte set aside? | ||
| I don't know anything about that. | ||
| It's like an electrolyte drink or something. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| I don't do that. | ||
| No? | ||
| Maybe an IV drip? | ||
| I go to bed and set up the IV drip before I go to sleep. | ||
| There you go. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No. | ||
| Nope. | ||
| Just sleep. | ||
| Just go to sleep and sleep. | ||
| Wake up. | ||
| Have pancakes. | ||
| Sleep for three days. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That's the other thing too is the food choices. | ||
| You get a double whammy from alcohol. | ||
| You get the impact of the alcohol and then you get the impact of the food choices. | ||
| That you succumb to. | ||
| Waffle House. | ||
| Yeah, Waffle House is good. | ||
| 4 a.m. | ||
| Fuck yeah. | ||
| 4 a.m. | ||
| Waffle House. | ||
| Talk to me. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I get so much food that it can't literally fit on the table. | ||
| They have those little Waffle House tables. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'll get eggs, hash browns, sausage, the waffles, you know, maybe biscuits and gravy. | ||
| I don't even fuck with the eggs. | ||
| Why are we pretending this is real food? | ||
| Just give me them waffles and extra butter. | ||
| I don't even start eating until I've opened like six or seven of those little packages of butter. | ||
| I'm going to slather that shit all over those waffles and then drown them. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| But when you get like four guys at a Waffle House table, it's really a mathematical problem. | ||
| The amount of food that the four guys are getting literally will not fit on the table that they're providing for you. | ||
| I've had some fucking amazing conversations with friends after shows at the Waffle House. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But always looking for fights. | ||
| You always keep a lookout. | ||
| Anybody can come in any time and start kicking someone's ass. | ||
| You always gotta be looking to run out the door. | ||
| There's something about Waffle Houses after 1am where the possibility of fights goes through the roof. | ||
| The graph just goes up. | ||
| You always have to be looking. | ||
| You always have to be looking for fights. | ||
| Like at any moment one could break out. | ||
| So you have like Sizzler Steakhouse at 6 p.m. | ||
| to Waffle House at 4 a.m. | ||
| and the graph just goes through. | ||
| Is that fights at Waffle House? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, I just typed it in on pictures. | |
| There's just so many of them. | ||
| I didn't realize it was an actual web page dedicated to Waffle House fights. | ||
| I've seen so many videos. | ||
| I've seen so many. | ||
| Look at this guy. | ||
| He's got scars all over his face. | ||
| Look at that guy right next to the cursor. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| He got beat up at the Waffle House. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Yeah, Waffle House is just something about that place. | ||
| It's 24 hours a day, and it's just alcohol, right? | ||
| The amount of people that are coming in drunk is through the roof. | ||
| I wonder if at some Waffle House meeting somebody proposed, we should close at 1 a.m. | ||
| We're gonna cut out 95% of our profits because everybody comes in after 1am. | ||
| Yeah, that would be a terrible move. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Let's close at 1am and see what happens. | ||
| That'd be like Tiger Woods chopping his fucking arms off. | ||
| What kind of stupid idea is that? | ||
| That's so dumb. | ||
| That's such a dumb idea. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They must embrace the drunks. | |
| Hangover remedies. | ||
| You know what else is really good, really late at night? | ||
| If you could find a legit Mexican joint. | ||
| Like a legit one where they barely speak English. | ||
| You know? | ||
| I was at a place in Dallas, and there was a late-night place, a Chinese restaurant, where they would serve alcohol after alcohol was supposed to be closed. | ||
| Oh, cold tea. | ||
| Yeah, this is the cool place to go to. | ||
| And you go there, and everybody's on the down-low, and they serve alcohol, but like in teacups. | ||
| Yeah, they call it cold tea, right? | ||
| Something like that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And... | ||
| The place was packed, and everybody had booze. | ||
| And I'm like, is this really a secret to the police? | ||
| Like, the police don't know that this place is packed at 3 o'clock in the morning, and we're all here to drink tea? | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| And apparently, somebody said the cops are coming, like a raid was happening. | ||
| I guess maybe they saw them pulling into the parking lot. | ||
| And an old Asian guy ran around all the tables throwing fish on everybody's table. | ||
| Food. | ||
| Food. | ||
| I don't want to do an Asian accent because it'll sound racist, but he was saying, tell the police you're eating the fish. | ||
| Telling everybody, tell them you're eating the fish. | ||
| Tell them you're eating the fish. | ||
| This big giant fish on our plate. | ||
| Like, that would fool the cops. | ||
| Like, everybody has the same giant fish on their plate and a cup of tea. | ||
| We just all had a craving for this. | ||
| At 3 o'clock in the morning, all of us. | ||
| It's their specialty. | ||
| It's amazing they had that many fish cooked, ready to go. | ||
| I don't even know if they were cooked. | ||
| I think he was just scrambling to try to cover what was going on. | ||
| Chinatown in Boston always had that. | ||
| We would do shows at Nick's Comedy Stop, and then we'd go to Chinatown, which is right down the street, and they served cold tea. | ||
| You could drink beer late at night. | ||
| I think I've been in that place. | ||
| I bet you have. | ||
| There's quite a few of those. | ||
| Comedians would go, hey, we've got a place we can go to. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| I wish I could remember the name of the places. | ||
| But good Chinese food, too. | ||
| Like, real, serious, legit Chinese food. | ||
| And you'd also get beer late at night. | ||
| They must have had some sort of a deal with the cops. | ||
| Because I knew about it when I was, like, 18. So if I knew about it, I can't imagine that escaped the police. | ||
| Yeah, and the entire police force was oblivious. | ||
| Joe Rogan knows about this. | ||
| But the entire police force is oblivious to the fact that this is happening in their town. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Highly unlikely. | ||
| It is weird, though, that there's rules. | ||
| That's one of the things that I like about Vegas, is that Vegas allows you to drink whenever you want. | ||
| You're a grown adult. | ||
| If you want to have a beer at 5 o'clock in the morning, it's totally legal. | ||
| If you want to have a beer at 7 o'clock in the morning, that's legal, too. | ||
| Decide for yourself. | ||
| There's no magical hour where alcohol becomes okay. | ||
| I agree with that, but I also understand the not wanting everybody to get on the road behind a wheel, you know, like aspect. | ||
| Yeah, but does that really save anybody? | ||
| Because at the end of the day, if you're drunk at midnight, you're drunk at midnight. | ||
| How are you going to get home? | ||
| Are you going to wait until 2 in the morning and then drive? | ||
| Is that the idea? | ||
| Well, you're still going to be drunk. | ||
| If you're out there driving and you're drunk, you're driving drunk, period. | ||
| There's no real workaround for that. | ||
| And if it happens at 11 p.m. | ||
| or if it happens at 5 a.m., it's really the same situation. | ||
| Unless you factor where you're going to be more drunk even later. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Yeah, I guess so. | ||
| But, I mean, what percentage of people that leave clubs are driving drunk? | ||
| It's got to be in the high 70s. | ||
| And they just drive. | ||
| What I like today is Lyft and Uber, that people are using these ride-sharing things. | ||
| That is gigantic. | ||
| And I would imagine that's probably saved a lot of people accidents. | ||
| That's good to know. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| And you've had to listen to a lot of really stupid stories from drivers and had weird conversations with these people. | ||
| I have not been in a lot of Ubers, but they tend to like to talk about their rating. | ||
| Oh, do they? | ||
| Because that's what they survive on is you're going to rate them. | ||
| So they want to float the subject that you're going to be rating them when they get out. | ||
| I've heard a disproportionate amount of Uber drivers say, you know, I usually get good ratings. | ||
| I had this one person who I thought I had done a good job for. | ||
| Give me a bad rating. | ||
| So I think they're pumping you to get out and give them whatever the highest... | ||
| Number of stars. | ||
| You should get ahead of that. | ||
| When you get in the car, go, hey man, here's a deal. | ||
| I'll give you five stars. | ||
| Just don't talk. | ||
| Get me there safe. | ||
| All right. | ||
| High five. | ||
| Let's go. | ||
| Don't play any crazy music. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You're starting at five stars. | ||
| You're already there. | ||
| Just leave me alone. | ||
| Let me be inside my own head. | ||
| If you talk about ratings, that knocks a star off. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, it becomes a problem when there's a forced conversation, always. | ||
| And if you're paying for that forced conversation, you're like, okay. | ||
| It's one thing, like, you want to be cordial, you want to be friendly, like, hey, how you doing? | ||
| Nice to meet you. | ||
| All right, cool. | ||
| But then, if they start interviewing you. | ||
| Car service people, from years of doing this, there's two kinds. | ||
| There are the kinds of drivers who, they don't want to talk to anybody. | ||
| That's why they like this kind of job. | ||
| They don't have to talk to anybody. | ||
| And then you have the type of driver who likes a captive audience. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ooh. | |
| And they will not stop talking. | ||
| You know what a real problem has been? | ||
| If me and my friends, like say we get a car service on the road, and we're having like a serious conversation, and then they interrupt and start chiming in. | ||
| Like, hey. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well, I think the problem is that women don't understand what men really want. | |
| What? | ||
| The fuck is this guy? | ||
| Right. | ||
| What are you doing? | ||
| And if it's like really... | ||
| Politically weighted or something like that. | ||
| You're driving me three miles. | ||
| I don't want to get into a political tit for tat. | ||
| I got in a cab in Las Vegas, and I was going to the Las Vegas Hilton. | ||
| And I get in the back, and I said, Las Vegas Hilton. | ||
| I was already on the strip. | ||
| And he said, I'm not making this up. | ||
| He goes, oh, that's not too far. | ||
| That won't be too much of a problem for my anus. | ||
| And I said, excuse me. | ||
| He used the word anus? | ||
| I'm trying to think of another word he used. | ||
| He didn't say ass. | ||
| Is there another word between ass and anus? | ||
| Taint? | ||
| Rectum. | ||
| Oh, my rectum. | ||
| I think he said it was something like rectum. | ||
| You know, forcing me into the follow-up question. | ||
| Oh, what's the matter with your rectum? | ||
| And he said that he had an operation. | ||
| He had recently had an operation, and long drives are challenging for him, but my drive over to the Las Vegas Hilton isn't too long, so it won't be too uncomfortable. | ||
| And I found it quite odd that I had known this man for five seconds, and we were talking about that part of his body. | ||
| Yeah, you've got to get ahead of that. | ||
| When a guy like that says something like that, you've got to go, okay, good. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well, that's a good amount of space for me to drive. | |
| I don't have to worry about my rectum falling out. | ||
| Okay, cool. | ||
| See, you're better at these things than I am. | ||
| I deal with a lot more dumb people than you do, I think. | ||
| Well, from doing Fear Factor for six years, I got a PhD in questionable humans. | ||
| Most of them were wonderful people, but every show I had to deal with one person like, what the fuck? | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| So, did you do... | ||
| You did that for a while, and then they brought it back? | ||
| They brought it back for seven episodes, but only six aired, because the seventh one, we had people drink cum. | ||
| And that killed the show. | ||
| Second time. | ||
| I was actually happy it got killed the second time, because it was a mistake. | ||
| I shouldn't have done it. | ||
| But, it was a bunch of old friends. | ||
| Like, the people that were producing it were good friends, and it was the opportunity to work with them, and it was a shitload of money. | ||
| And it was like, I just got talked into it. | ||
| It was like, come on, it'll be fun. | ||
| Oh, you talk about the whole experience. | ||
| I thought you meant the particular... | ||
| No, no. | ||
| No, the particular episode, I couldn't fucking believe it when they said that's what they were supposed to do. | ||
| I went, what? | ||
| Human? | ||
| Or from... | ||
| Mule. | ||
| Mule come. | ||
| Oh, that's not so bad. | ||
| That's not so bad. | ||
| We actually discussed this yesterday, oddly enough. | ||
| With Eliza Schlesinger. | ||
| Oh, I'm sorry. | ||
| I don't mean to cover. | ||
| Yeah, I can't believe it's coming up two days in a row. | ||
| But that happens sometimes. | ||
| Like, subjects come in waves. | ||
| And it's not even if I bring them up. | ||
| It's just for whatever reason. | ||
| They come in waves. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| I didn't mean to force you into bringing up that subject again. | ||
| Well, the other problem with the second season of Fear Factor, and I could say this now because it didn't happen, is I was worried we were going to kill somebody. | ||
| I was really worried. | ||
| It seemed too dangerous. | ||
| Like, they were ramping up the stunts, and they were making things, like, way more spectacular. | ||
| And you're just taking bigger chances. | ||
| And there was a lot of downtime in between stunts. | ||
| There was a lot of preparation. | ||
| There was a lot of, like, checks and balances. | ||
| And they really wanted to make sure that everything was tested and double-tested. | ||
| And they really mapped it out well. | ||
| But it was still... | ||
| There were some hair-raising things these fucking people had to do. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Maybe fear was too far. | |
| Maybe it should have been, like, mildly uncomfortable factor. | ||
| Where you put people, like, in mildly uncomfortable situations... | ||
| Like, hey, I want you to go over and talk to that woman. | ||
| She seems kind of attractive. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| And so it's kind of mildly uncomfortable. | ||
| No one's going to die. | ||
| No one's going to... | ||
| They might if she kills you. | ||
| They're doing a new one with Ludacris. | ||
| It's kind of that way. | ||
| There's a new fear factor. | ||
| And Ludacris, the rapper, is the host. | ||
| And some of the fears are like forgetting your cell phone somewhere. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Isn't it something stupid like that? | ||
| And they don't have to eat anything gross. | ||
| Which was really dumb to keep that out because that was one of the most popular parts of the original series. | ||
| That was gigantic. | ||
| The eating gross shit part was huge. | ||
| I have to be honest with you. | ||
| I couldn't watch that. | ||
| That was the hard part for me. | ||
| I hear you. | ||
| It was hard for me to watch somebody... | ||
| Do something, because I wouldn't eat it or drink it, and I don't want to watch somebody else do that. | ||
| Yeah, I'm with you. | ||
| I mean, I wouldn't have, well, that's not true. | ||
| I watched, somebody sent me a clip of Stevo with a gas mask on, and I tweeted it. | ||
| Some guy farting into a tube, and it goes right into Stevo's face, and he threw up into the mask. | ||
| And I laughed so hard that I retweeted it. | ||
| And the guy who sent it to me, it was actually quite rude of him, but it was in response to Eliza Schlesinger's appearance yesterday on the podcast. | ||
| But look at this. | ||
| Look, this guy's gonna fart into this tube, and the tube goes right into Steve-O's face. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| He farts, and Steve-O... Mm-hmm. | ||
| I'd like to... | ||
| I almost threw up. | ||
| Right there, I almost threw up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'd like to bring like a... | |
| Revive from the dead like Edgar Allan Poe or Mark Twain and put them in a time machine and bring them to now and go All the stuff you did was like really cool. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Check out what we're doing now Show them that video. | |
| Well, they didn't even have video back then. | ||
| If Edgar Allan Poe had a cell phone camera He might have given up on poetry. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like fuck all this raving stuff Nobody's buying these blackbird poems Does anybody have like a gas mask? | |
| Yeah, and a fat guy to fart into a tube. | ||
| Let's make some real entertainment. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| I mean, I wonder what... | ||
| I mean, that's a real question, right? | ||
| Like, what would people have done? | ||
| Like, some of the great works... | ||
| The people that created amazing music, where they composed incredible music, or they wrote great books or poetry. | ||
| There wasn't a lot of outlets for your creativity back then. | ||
| I mean, there wasn't even stand-up comedy. | ||
| There was no music videos. | ||
| There was nothing that you could do that we take for granted today. | ||
| It's so commonplace. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, if you really stop and think about it. | ||
| But I mean, it's gone to... | ||
| I mean, that's the extreme. | ||
| But that's Steve-O. Like, how do you go... | ||
| Steve-O's a fucking maniac. | ||
| I mean... | ||
| Well, I like that all different kinds of things get explored. | ||
| I truly do. | ||
| I like that, you know, somebody wants to do that, that people can be entertained by that. | ||
| But it's definitely... | ||
| That's sort of the end of the line, isn't it? | ||
| Yes, it's definitely the end of the line. | ||
| You know, what's... | ||
| What could be more outrageous? | ||
| Steve-O will find it if it's out there further. | ||
| I was with him in Vegas a couple weeks ago. | ||
| He came to the UFC, and we went to dinner, and we were talking, and we were hanging out, and he's telling me all these things that he's planning on doing. | ||
| Like, then I'm going to light myself on fire, and then I'm going to jump into traffic, and then I'm going to pour barbed wire around my dick, and then I'm like, what? | ||
| Why are you doing all this, man? | ||
| And then a guy's going to hit me with a paddle? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| What? | ||
| Those things are written in a notebook. | ||
| He's always got to take it to another place. | ||
| He recently had to cancel shows in Denver because he lit himself on fire, and the burns were so bad that when he went to the doctor, he just wanted to get treated. | ||
| He's like, I'm in pain. | ||
| They were like, whoa, whoa, whoa. | ||
| Dude, you need fucking skin grafts immediately. | ||
| And so he had to get skin grafts all over his arms. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| That's his skin popping and all the blisters and that's all, you know, massive burns. | ||
| He lit himself on fire and then did like fire angels. | ||
| Like rolled around. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| On the ground. | ||
| And so he had to cancel his gigs. | ||
| I think he was at the Comedy Works in Denver. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| You could see through his skin. | ||
| Look at all the liquid in his skin when he moves. | ||
| Do that again. | ||
| Pull that again. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| Oh, it's an Instagram video? | ||
| That's crazy how you can see all the pus roll back and forth. | ||
| That's quite fascinating for whatever reason. | ||
| Why am I interested in that? | ||
| See, that doesn't interest you. | ||
| You're a sensible guy, Brian Regan. | ||
| Well, if I could sell some tickets, I might... | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Yeah, that's his thing. | ||
| I'm going to be in San Diego, and in between shows, I'm going to be lighting myself on fire and having body fluids and sacks of pus hanging from my arms. | ||
| Are you going to videotape it? | ||
| Well, sure. | ||
| It'd be hard to just write about it. | ||
| What if you did it for one fan? | ||
| It was like a personal experience. | ||
| No one else needs to know. | ||
| I'm just going to light myself on fire, and then I'm going to get burns, and I'm going to do this little pus dance just for one person. | ||
| It's very intimate and personal. | ||
| Let me think about it. | ||
| I'm going to mull it over. | ||
| I'm going to mull that one over. | ||
| What do you do for fun, man, besides play golf? | ||
| Do you have any weird interests? | ||
| Um... | ||
| I like watching police chases on YouTube. | ||
| Do you? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Why? | ||
| And what bothers me is when they put the end in the explanation. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| I hate that. | ||
| It's a little drama. | ||
| I don't know how it's going to end. | ||
| Don't put, you know, police chase ends in shooting. | ||
| Don't put police chase ends in crash. | ||
| Just put police chase and let me find out. | ||
| Do you remember a few years back there was a thing that they did on television where there was some sort of a situation where there was a guy who was over a bridge and he had a gun in his mouth and it was on television. | ||
| Do you remember that? | ||
| And then he shot himself on TV and they had apologized because they showed this guy getting shot on TV and it was like this really shocking moment for people. | ||
| And I was just thinking that that's not even shocking anymore. | ||
| Like, the exact same thing today would be like, eh. | ||
| Well, now they pull back. | ||
| When a guy gets out of a car, and if it's unclear whether he's giving up, the cameras from the news media will pull back to prevent people from seeing something graphic. | ||
| You hear them go, pull back, pull back, pull back, because they don't know if a shooting is about to take place. | ||
| I don't like that part of it. | ||
| I don't like to see that hardcore violence. | ||
| I just like the drama of, you know, I'm always intrigued with what these people are thinking. | ||
| Are they thinking they're going to get away? | ||
| You know, and it's like there's 75 cop cars chasing you. | ||
| There's helicopters overhead. | ||
| Do you think you're going to get away? | ||
| And it fascinates me. | ||
| Has anybody ever gotten away? | ||
| What is this? | ||
| Some people have, though. | ||
| I'm in a high-speed chase, bro. | ||
| Suspect broadcasts on Facebook Live during Pursuit. | ||
| Now, this is a new thing where when they're being chased, they video themselves. | ||
| So this guy's driving a truck. | ||
| I've seen this one. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's like two and a half hours long this week. | |
| I've seen this one. | ||
| Just driving through fields and whatnot. | ||
| Grandma, I love you, he says. | ||
| How does he have enough gas? | ||
|
unidentified
|
He stopped a few times and unloaded the shit in the back of his truck. | |
| Oh, look at that. | ||
| That was a good move. | ||
| The cops tried to get him. | ||
| Oh, that's interesting. | ||
| He stopped and... | ||
| Oh, he's hanging out of the truck. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Watch this guy. | ||
| Oh, yeah, that was the end. | ||
| He was going... | ||
| There was about a minute of him driving in reverse prior to that. | ||
| What happened? | ||
| They tased him? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then he ended up in that little pond or whatever. | ||
| And he's smoking weed. | ||
| I love these people. | ||
| Have you seen the girl with their plastic faces? | ||
|
unidentified
|
The show Live PD that's been on, on Fridays and Saturdays? | |
| No. | ||
| It goes viral, like, viral is a weird word to use, but it's trending on Twitter every night because they're technically live with police like this in five or six, seven different cities on, I think, Friday and Saturday nights, and they just follow what's happening. | ||
| If someone's getting pulled over We're living in a time where people absolutely want attention at any cost. | ||
| Go back to that, because I love those fucking people. | ||
| Those people, pause that for a second. | ||
| These fucking people, these broadcast people. | ||
| Oh, it blurs it out? | ||
| It doesn't matter. | ||
| Those people, the broadcast news people, are so odd today. | ||
| Because they're like a relic of a forgotten time, you know, where talking like this was acceptable. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| And it seems like they're dying. | ||
| There's nothing left of that. | ||
| Like, that won't exist in 20 years. | ||
| It's not going to be like that. | ||
| Right. | ||
| On the news. | ||
| Because it has already evolved away from that with a lot of radio. | ||
| You know how that was like the stereotypical... | ||
| And then more and more radio hosts were going, this is hacky. | ||
| We need to just be ourselves. | ||
| Well, Howard Stern. | ||
| But it hasn't done it yet. | ||
| Yes, exactly. | ||
| But it hasn't done it yet with newscasters. | ||
| They still have the... | ||
| Howard Stern single-handedly killed the morning jock voice. | ||
| Single-handedly. | ||
| Because, I mean, it just seems so preposterous when you would listen to him be himself. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And then you would listen to, hey, we're coming up next with some crazy stuff. | ||
| Brian Regan's in town. | ||
| What a funny guy. | ||
| Tell me right back. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Woo! | |
| Hey! | ||
| Ha ha! | ||
| Ha ha ha! | ||
| Ha ha ha! | ||
| With sound effects, you know? | ||
| Do you think that these shows, though, like this show that you were talking about, Jamie, don't you think that they kind of encourage this kind of behavior? | ||
| I mean, if there's ever an argument that that is very counterproductive for our society, that's almost like you're asking people to submit content for this wacky chase show. | ||
| Didn't you say that it comes on at a specific time? | ||
| So how could it actually be? | ||
| They know. | ||
|
unidentified
|
People know now. | |
| They know that chases are going to take place at a specific time on a specific day. | ||
| Yeah, because if you made it live, if you made it a live show where, like, it's Chase Friday. | ||
| Who's going to run? | ||
| Who's going to run? | ||
| Right. | ||
| Somebody's going to do it on purpose. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| And by the way, now they are fucking selling cars that are so much faster than any cop car. | ||
| Corvette just released a new ZR1 that has 750 plus horsepower. | ||
| They think it's going to do an under seven minute lap of the Nürburgring in Germany. | ||
| I mean, this is a fucking insane car that there's not a goddamn cop car in the world that's gonna be able to catch that thing. | ||
| You're gonna be able to go into a Corvette dealership, buy one of those things, and you will be so much more powerful than any cop car on the road. | ||
| But it's still not going to outrun a helicopter. | ||
| Right, exactly. | ||
| That's the thing. | ||
| But it is weird, right? | ||
| You can just buy one of those. | ||
| Here's the thing. | ||
| You know what Moore's Law is when it comes to computer processing power? | ||
| I do not. | ||
| It's a law of escalation, essentially. | ||
| Every year, computers are going to get exponentially more powerful. | ||
| It's kind of like bottomed out because there's really no need for them to get any... | ||
| Especially personal use. | ||
| They've gotten more powerful, but not... | ||
| Not that much more powerful, but it's going to keep going. | ||
| It's going to keep going. | ||
| It's going to keep going. | ||
| They're going to keep better and better to force consumerism, right? | ||
| To force people to purchase these things. | ||
| With cars, the problem is you're talking about acceleration. | ||
| Acceleration is one of the things that people prize the most, like zero to 60. There's cars now that you can buy right off the lot that go zero to 60 in two seconds. | ||
| I get no joy out of that in a car. | ||
| That doesn't thrill me to be in a car and see how quickly I could be going fast. | ||
| I don't mind it being gradual. | ||
| I don't mind if it took me... | ||
| Ten minutes to get to 60 miles an hour as long as I could eventually get to 60. You say that, but you want to be able to merge onto the highway. | ||
| True, true. | ||
| I want to be able to function in my automobile, but I don't get a rush out of... | ||
| Oh, by the way, I did do the NASCAR thing where you drive the cars. | ||
| Have you ever done that? | ||
| No. | ||
| I did it where at first I was a passenger, somebody else drove it, and then I drove one. | ||
| That was a rush. | ||
| So maybe I do like the zero to 60 thing. | ||
| Yeah, you just haven't done it. | ||
| That was on the track in Las Vegas at the Las Vegas Motor Speedway or whatever it's called. | ||
| Most people who think they don't like fast cars have never really driven a fast car. | ||
| I tell you what, it was pretty intense. | ||
| I was either averaging 135 or top speed 135. I forget. | ||
| They monitor it. | ||
| You do like 10 laps or something like that. | ||
| Are those stick shifts, or is it a paddle shift? | ||
| It's a stick shift, and I hadn't driven a stick in a while. | ||
| It was embarrassing because you do the stick to get out of the pits, but then once you get on the track, you're in whatever the most is. | ||
| It's that the whole time until you go back into the pits. | ||
| Really? | ||
| So it's just stick to get in and out of the pits. | ||
| So how many gears is it? | ||
| I forget. | ||
| Three, four. | ||
| And you take a class before and they show you how to do it. | ||
| But when I was coming out to start, I was like stalling it. | ||
| And a guy had to run up next to me and like come in and do the stick shift for me. | ||
| It was so embarrassing. | ||
| I'm behind the wheel of a NASCAR car and there's a guy running alongside getting it in the proper gear for me. | ||
| When was the last time you drove a stick? | ||
| 30 years ago. | ||
| You know, I had a Datsun 510 years ago and I don't like it. | ||
| I never got used to it. | ||
| No? | ||
| No. | ||
| You know, people say, well, you drive it for a while and then you get used to it. | ||
| I never did. | ||
| I used to hate that angst of being on a hill. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| And there's a car too close behind you, and you're like... | ||
| And so you've got to switch it into the gear, and then... | ||
| You go back like a foot and a half, and then you're just hauling forward. | ||
| You just need an e-brake. | ||
| You just need a handle e-brake, and then you hold onto the e-brake, and then you slowly, gently let it go into gear, and then let go of the e-brake. | ||
| I didn't know that technique. | ||
| Yeah, that's the problem with modern cars that are stick shifts. | ||
| They have buttons for e-brakes, and you don't want that. | ||
| My brother was driving me one time. | ||
| I was 15, and he was making a turn on a dangerous intersection, and the brake in the middle... | ||
| Yeah, the e-brake. | ||
| I didn't know what it was. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Did you hit it? | ||
| I did it while he was making the turn. | ||
| I said, what does this do? | ||
| And I pushed the button and pulled it up. | ||
| And that's the only time my brother ever punched me in the arm. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He just goes, what the fuck does the matter with you? | |
| Did you guys go sideways? | ||
| Cars were coming. | ||
| They had to slam on their brakes. | ||
| He's like, why the hell would you? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I didn't know what it was. | |
| Well, ask! | ||
| You don't just pull it up in the middle, you know. | ||
| That's why you're a comedian. | ||
| Impulsive. | ||
| Hey, what do these buttons do? | ||
| Push them and find out! | ||
| Yeah, there's people that engineer those into certain cars. | ||
| Like, you know who Ken Block is? | ||
| Ken Block is a very famous driver and he has this Mustang called the Hoonigan. | ||
| It's this crazy 1968, I believe, Mustang that has four-wheel drive and some fucking insane amount of horsepower and there's these incredible videos of him driving these things around and One of the things that he does is when he wants to go sideways, he's shifting gears and he slams the e-brake as he's driving. | ||
| Like here, you can see it. | ||
| Give us some volume on this. | ||
| See that big thing? | ||
| He's got two things next to him. | ||
| One of them is a shifter and then the other one is an e-brake. | ||
| And so as he's driving, I don't know enough about his methods. | ||
| I would love to talk to him one day. | ||
| 65 Mustang. | ||
| It's a fucking crazy car, man. | ||
| I mean, it's like straight road warrior. | ||
| And is this the Pikes Peak one? | ||
| Yeah, I mean this guy's a fucking madman. | ||
| I mean a real and a master of the automobile. | ||
| And you watch him as he's driving and it is goddamn mesmerizing because he is on the edge the entire time of this video. | ||
| See that right there? | ||
| That one on the right-hand side? | ||
| That's an e-brake. | ||
| So he's shifting, and then he's going to pop the e-brake, and then he's going to shift forward. | ||
| But watch this motherfucker go. | ||
| See right here, if I was sitting next to him, I would hit the e-brake right now and go, what does this do? | ||
| Well, his shifter is a different kind of shifter. | ||
| It's what's called a sequential manual gearbox, which means you don't have an H pattern, where you go up, down, and to the right, and down to the right. | ||
|
unidentified
|
All right. | |
| Instead, you're going up for up gear and down for down gear. | ||
| So you just punch it forward. | ||
| But look at this shit. | ||
| He's like on the edge all the time. | ||
| See how he keeps hitting the e-brake and then going sideways? | ||
| And then he's a fucking madman. | ||
| He's a madman. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| But the control that he has with this car is just insane. | ||
| It's art. | ||
| Oh, it is an art. | ||
| You know, he's like an artist with his vehicle. | ||
| He really is. | ||
| I mean, especially if you're a person like myself, who's an automobile enthusiast, and you get to watch this guy who's just on the razor's edge of control. | ||
| I mean, look how he's going around! | ||
| There's cliffs! | ||
| There's rocks everywhere! | ||
| Fucking trees and shit! | ||
| Guardrails! | ||
| He's sideways! | ||
| I mean, and this is not a long... | ||
| Look at this, a two-lane road! | ||
| It's fucking incredible. | ||
| But the manipulation of the two things, of the e-brake, where he locks up the back wheels, and then, look at how he's going in between these cones, or these stacks of whatever the fuck they are. | ||
| It'd be great if he asked some woman out to dinner, and say, I know a cozy little restaurant at the top of this hill, and then drive her like that to the top. | ||
| Well, you'd get two reactions. | ||
| Do you have your seatbelt on, honey? | ||
| You'd get a girl who wants to fuck you immediately, and then you'd get a girl who wants to have you killed. | ||
| She never wants to talk to you again, and she can't wait to go home and write a blog about what a piece of shit you are. | ||
| See, when I bring a woman to a restaurant at the top, I go, I don't know if you know, but this car goes from zero to 60 in about 10 minutes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| She's going to die in an intersection. | ||
| She's going to be like, this motherfucker can't, he can't accelerate. | ||
| Look at him driving around cities, and this is downtown LA. This is London. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| He's done it in downtown LA, too. | ||
| He goes into those under bridges and shit, so they close off streets for him to do this. | ||
| He's a madman, and that car is fucking beautiful. | ||
| It's a crazy car, too, because he widened the stance. | ||
| A lot of people hate it, because he took, essentially, which is an amazing classic car from 1965, and they butchered it. | ||
| Changed it, put a roll cage in it, stiffened it up, and did all this different shit to it? | ||
| I would try it just so they would completely empty all the streets of a major city for me to get where I'm going. | ||
| What kind of car do you drive? | ||
| I just got a new car. | ||
| Yesterday. | ||
| Do you know what it is? | ||
| I think it's written on... | ||
| Don't they write it on the sign of the car or something? | ||
| It's 18 Escalade. | ||
| Oh, those are great. | ||
| I rent those all the time, but I rented one recently. | ||
| They're great. | ||
| I love those things. | ||
| So I just got that. | ||
| They're so comfortable. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's a great goddamn car. | ||
| The guy was showing me all the stuff. | ||
| And I felt like going, just... | ||
| Stop. | ||
| Stop. | ||
| I don't... | ||
| Literally, back massage in the... | ||
| I'm like, I just need the gas... | ||
| And the brake and the radio. | ||
| You know what else it does too? | ||
| And that's kind of it. | ||
| If you're about to change lanes and you fuck, if like someone's too close, it'll give you like the... | ||
| It'll give you like a vibration. | ||
| It'll let you know that like there's something on that side. | ||
| He said that if you don't have your blinker on, I haven't tried this yet, if you don't have your blinker on and you start to cross the line, it will automatically pull you back. | ||
| Whereas if you have your blinker on, then the car knows... | ||
| I don't know if he was just BSing or what, but that's what he told me. | ||
| What if you have to make a quick maneuver? | ||
| That's what I said. | ||
| I said, what if you're trying to get over? | ||
| You know, the car is going to take over? | ||
| I think that's quite strange. | ||
| Yeah, I'm torn because on one hand, I love gadgets and I love technology and I'm fascinated by that. | ||
| But on the other hand, like, the connection that you have to the actual mechanical feeling of the automobile is very muted. | ||
| Also, have you heard about, you know, the technology is getting closer to closer to self-driving cars, but now there's the moral component, and they're... | ||
| Like, if you're not in charge of the car and the car is about to have an accident, a human being has the decision to make a moral choice. | ||
| If there's a woman with a baby stroller on the right and there's a cliff on the left and you have your family in the back, are you making a left or a right? | ||
| The human can make a conscious decision. | ||
| A computerized car Can't make a decision and they actually are trying to figure out how to have the cars make moral decisions In keeping with your own moral decisions, you can gauge it and go, I'm more for my family or I'm more altruistic, et cetera, et cetera. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So what would a car do? | ||
| If it's like, well, there's an older guy over here and there's a young woman with a child over here and you have to hit one. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jesus. | |
| How does a computer make that decision? | ||
| Yeah, it doesn't. | ||
| Or the decision to... | ||
| Yeah, the cliff thing is a good one. | ||
| Like, does it run into the child and the woman? | ||
| Or does it go off the cliff and kill everyone in the car? | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| And it would be different if you're by yourself or if you have your family. | ||
| Like, I will say my family, but maybe I would go myself if it were a baby. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| But a human can make that decision in a split second, but a computer, what's it supposed to do? | ||
| Well, one of the things that's gotten much better that I think is amazing is braking. | ||
| Like, your car can brake so much faster now. | ||
| They have amazing brakes now in cars. | ||
| And as technology gets better and better in that regard, you're going to be able to prevent a lot of collisions. | ||
| The other thing is that with car-to-car collisions, there's some talk about developing technology That literally has cars repel from each other, sort of like how magnets do. | ||
| And that if they could figure out a way to make that efficient and effective enough, they could virtually eliminate car accidents with those two things. | ||
| With automated vehicles, and then with the kind of technology that would force cars to repel from each other. | ||
| A bunch of repelling magnets. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Just put repelling magnets on every car so they can't get any closer than five feet from each other. | ||
| Then the real question is, what if you get close to a dude with a pacemaker and you just fucking ice him? | ||
| Taking a right turn, this guy just drops right there. | ||
| So all the cars are safe, but this guy is giving a massive heart attack. | ||
| That's the thing with pacemakers, right? | ||
| Magnets? | ||
| I think so. | ||
| I think magnets can really fuck up pacemakers. | ||
| Did you see that Christian Bale is going to play Dick Cheney, speaking of pacemakers? | ||
| You know, Dick Cheney at one point in time literally is the Antichrist. | ||
| He had no pulse. | ||
| He had some kind of crazy heart valve thing where he had some artificial heart in his body that literally was pumping the blood constantly with no heartbeat. | ||
| So he had no heartbeat. | ||
| That's strange. | ||
| It's terrifying when you think of what an evil fuck that guy is. | ||
| Christian Bale looks almost unrecognizable after putting on weight and shaving head for Dick Cheney role. | ||
| You know what he looks like? | ||
| He looks like the guy who designs iPhones. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know that guy, the man who talks like this, the amazing OLED screen. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Am I wrong? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Did you see what Elon Musk said? | |
| They're making a big announcement this week. | ||
| About what? | ||
|
unidentified
|
The semi-truck. | |
| Oh, they're going to have an automated truck? | ||
| It's going to blow your mind or blow your head clear out of your skull. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| Into an alternate dimension. | ||
| Just need to find my portal gun. | ||
| He's a weird cat, isn't he? | ||
| He's got a lot of shit going on. | ||
| Talk about guys who do a lot of things. | ||
| That Elon Musk character. | ||
| Forward thinking. | ||
| A lot of goddamn irons in the fire. | ||
| Isn't he trying to do a manned mission to Mars? | ||
| Is that him? | ||
| Yeah, he wants to do that. | ||
| Would you go? | ||
| Fuck that. | ||
| No. | ||
| Here's the thing. | ||
| Space is infinite. | ||
| Space is infinite. | ||
| We are literally in the best neighborhood in space. | ||
| That's the way I look at it. | ||
| When I'm looking up, getting to Mars is just like you're going to a shitty neighborhood that you can't return from. | ||
| Well, hopefully you can return from it. | ||
| Well, you can't. | ||
| I mean, that's the plan, is to go there and come back. | ||
| They're not bringing people there to die there. | ||
| Yes, they are. | ||
| They're bringing people there to colonize them. | ||
| They're initial people that go to Mars until they figure out some way on Mars to return to Earth. | ||
| The people that go to Mars the first time are just going to stay there. | ||
| I did not know that. | ||
| I thought this was get there, get on a craft, and come back. | ||
| I do not believe so. | ||
| As of two years ago when I had a bit about it, it was all about them going there and dying there. | ||
| You're gonna die on Mars. | ||
| And you're gonna die on Mars with a bunch of other people that are so fucking stupid they're willing to die on Mars with you. | ||
| You're still in space. | ||
| See, this is the thing. | ||
| We are in space right now. | ||
| We are just in an amazing vehicle for space travel. | ||
| We're on Earth. | ||
| And we're here in sunny Southern California, where the weather's beautiful, and you got a nice Starbucks here. | ||
| We're sitting here in this beautiful air-conditioned studio. | ||
| But we're in space, okay? | ||
| We're just in the best spot in space. | ||
| To go to Mars is just fucking dumb. | ||
| It's a dumb idea. | ||
| No, no. | ||
| We are explorers, and we will always want to know what's on the other side of the mountain. | ||
| You know what I think it's like? | ||
| So there's no stopping us. | ||
| I think it's like one of those guys that creates the very first wingsuit and jumps off a cliff and then breaks both of his legs versus you taking a flight to New Zealand. | ||
|
unidentified
|
See? | |
| You can take a nice flight to New Zealand, you can have a lovely dinner, catch a nap, watch a movie, land perfectly, the flight attendants are all great. | ||
| You're a fucking explorer, okay? | ||
| That guy's an asshole with broken legs. | ||
| Right, right, right. | ||
| That guy that did the wingsuit off of Mount Everest, speaking of YouTube clips, he passed away jumping off some other mountain. | ||
| That's a wonderful way to put it, that he passed away. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He passed away. | |
| He downed. | ||
| I don't know how long ago. | ||
| Now an adventure athlete dies attempting 22,000 foot wingsuit jump. | ||
| You know, what's uncomfortable about this to me is one of my very good friends is Andy Stump. | ||
| And Andy is a world record holder in the wingsuit jump. | ||
| He's a fucking bonafide maniac. | ||
| Navy SEAL, complete, total psychopath who lives for thrills. | ||
| The only thing that's saving Andy is that he's gotten into bow hunting. | ||
| He's now bow hunting constantly, and that is his new thrill ride. | ||
| He should put on a wingsuit. | ||
| Jump off a mountain with the bow. | ||
| No, you need to be stable. | ||
| No, you go over and fire at elk as you're zipping down. | ||
| It's totally unethical, sir. | ||
| This is terrible advice. | ||
| Andy had the world record for the longest ever wingsuit jump. | ||
| Is that him flying over the American flag? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, that was him. | |
| This was on his Twitter. | ||
| He's a maniac. | ||
| Just people that claim, I'm a maniac, man. | ||
| This guy's a fucking legit maniac. | ||
| So that's obviously off a plane. | ||
| You can't get that high. | ||
| No, he gets in a plane with an oxygen mask and shit. | ||
| He gets so high that he's in the place where there's no air. | ||
| You would black out if you just tried to breathe the air. | ||
| What's the craziest thing that you've done, scary-wise, where you were risking your... | ||
| There's him right there. | ||
| Look at this crazy fuck. | ||
| He's got a podcast too, by the way, folks. | ||
| It's a very good podcast. | ||
| It's called Cleared Hot with Andy Stump. | ||
| He's a very, very interesting, intelligent, articulate guy. | ||
| So he needs the oxygen because he's so high up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, he's not just a maniac. | ||
| He's a brilliant guy. | ||
| But he's a fucking maniac, too. | ||
| I haven't done anything like that, man. | ||
| I mean, back in my... | ||
| I guess when I was competing, kickboxing and taekwondo tournaments were probably the scariest thing. | ||
| Just being in a fight like that. | ||
| Yeah, fights are scary. | ||
| Especially the potential to get knocked unconscious. | ||
| You see a lot of... | ||
| I mean, I've seen a lot of people get knocked unconscious. | ||
| In all my days, I've probably seen more people get knocked unconscious than 99.9% of all the people that have ever lived. | ||
| I think that's an honest statement. | ||
| Because think about all the fights that I've called. | ||
| I've called more than a thousand UFC fights. | ||
| Easily. | ||
| More than I don't know how many hundreds of events with 10 plus fights on each event. | ||
| And then on top of that, I've been to so many tournaments. | ||
| Taekwondo tournaments, kickboxing events, just seeing people get smashed. | ||
| I've taken people to fights for the first time, and there's a thing that happens when they see a live fight for the first time. | ||
| You see the look on their face, like they walk out, they're like, Jesus Christ! | ||
| Like a good buddy of mine, Steve Rinella, who's a hunter, he's got a television show called Meat Eater, and he's a conservationist and outdoorsman, and he's seen a lot of animals die, but him going to see live fights, they have this look on their face like, holy shit! | ||
| Like once you see, and you're there close, and you see the impact, and you see guys get knocked unconscious, and you see What happens when someone gets kicked in the head right in front of you? | ||
| You're like, holy shit! | ||
| I went to one. | ||
| You guys were kind enough to invite, went out with Hannibal Buress. | ||
| Yeah, that was great. | ||
| Yeah, that was the first time I'd ever seen anything like that. | ||
| Hannibal loves it. | ||
| Yeah, and it was pretty intense. | ||
| Was it weird for you? | ||
| I thought, he texted me and said, you want to go to the fight tonight? | ||
| I thought there was a boxing match. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Because I live in Vegas, and I thought maybe there's a boxing match. | ||
| So I Google boxing matches in Las Vegas, and nothing came up. | ||
| I didn't know what he was talking about. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He goes, meet me, what is it, the MGM? Yeah, it was probably the MGM back then. | |
| He goes, meet me at the, we'll call at MGM, we'll get our tickets. | ||
| So I go meet him and he picks up the tickets. | ||
| He goes, let's go. | ||
| I thought we were going into a boxing match. | ||
| We go in the door. | ||
| That's the first time I saw the octagon ring or whatever that is. | ||
| The cage. | ||
| And I'm like, oh, it's this. | ||
| I didn't even know until I went in there. | ||
| And then, you know, we had good seats, close enough, and so that was the first time watching it. | ||
| Yeah, you guys got my seats. | ||
| You guys were super close. | ||
| Yeah, it was fantastic. | ||
| You were right there, so you could see it in a way that it's... | ||
| There's something about being really close. | ||
| It's like... | ||
| That's the way to see it. | ||
| When you saw it live, for your very first... | ||
| Have you ever watched it on television? | ||
| A little bit here and there. | ||
| I'm not a big fighting guy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But live is always better in every entertainment, usually. | ||
| It is, but there's something great about watching things on television, too. | ||
| Because you watch things on television, you get the replays, and you get the commentary that explains if things are going wrong or what's happening. | ||
| Sometimes you're in the dark if you're in the audience. | ||
| You're like, why are they stopping this? | ||
| What's going on? | ||
| Like, you don't really know what's going on. | ||
| And then, like, the other thing about watching it live is you're looking through the cage, so oftentimes you catch yourself looking up at the big screen anyway, but you're still there, you know? | ||
| There's a feeling that you get in that, you know, especially now they do them at the T-Mobile arena, which is 20-plus thousand people, and it's just fucking rocking, and it's intense. | ||
| I was impressed with... | ||
| I mean, there's the violence aspect of it, but I was impressed with the chess match aspect of it. | ||
| There's two people, and it's a mind thing as much as it is a physical thing. | ||
| Oh, 100%. | ||
| So watching them look at each other and figuring... | ||
| It's a chess match, if you will, for lack of a better analogy. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| So that's part of it as well. | ||
| I describe it as high-level problem solving with dire physical consequences. | ||
| Because that's really what it is. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| I mean, you have this series of techniques that you're allowed to execute, and then you're trying to do them on a skilled fighter. | ||
| And then if you mess up, if you don't have the discipline to get in the cardiovascular shape that's necessary, if you're not at a camp that has the sufficient technical knowledge and then pays enough attention to you, And someone who really understands how to train fighters. | ||
| There's so many variables. | ||
| And it's very hard for someone to find the perfect mix of those variables. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And then on top of that, you have to have enthusiasm. | ||
| Enthusiasm comes and goes. | ||
| And you see it leave fighters. | ||
| There's fighters who you see, like, oh, this guy should stop. | ||
| He's got to stop. | ||
| I don't think you could do that if you didn't have enthusiasm. | ||
| You can, though. | ||
| See, that's where you're wrong. | ||
| I don't want to. | ||
| Yeah, no, that's common. | ||
| This guy's coming at me again. | ||
| I just don't feel up. | ||
| I just don't feel up to defending myself. | ||
| That's not what I mean. | ||
| What I mean is, like, there's levels of excitement when it comes to the exchanges. | ||
| And you either are going into it. | ||
| There's like... | ||
| You should either do it because it's a fun hobby and you're just trying to experience a very difficult thing and try it out. | ||
| Or you should do it because you want to be the best in the world. | ||
| Those are the only two things. | ||
| If you're just a guy who's going to take some fights, I'm not telling you what to do. | ||
| Do whatever you want. | ||
| But in my experience, those are the guys that get hurt. | ||
| Like, I feel like you should, you should own, because you'll run into someone who's trying to be the best in the world. | ||
| And the intensity that someone has that wants to be the best in the world and someone who really might, has the potential to actually reach that goal. | ||
| Those people are fucking scary. | ||
| And you, there's a difference between them and you that it might not just be physical. | ||
| It's enthusiasm and it's focus. | ||
| What if your goal is to be number 500? | ||
| You're fucked. | ||
| Because you're going to run into 499 and 499 is going to kick you in the face. | ||
| Well, just make sure you have a good manager. | ||
| I don't want to fight anybody that's 499 or higher. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| You could probably pull it off. | ||
| But even then, the attitude that would say, I don't want to fight anybody 499 or higher, you would run into someone that even though they're ranked 512, they're still more enthusiastic than you. | ||
| They want to get to 499. Yeah. | ||
| Enthusiasm is a big part of it and there's an intangible quality like you could see it happen in fighters and for me When I watch it happen, it's very disconcerting because I remember it actually happening to myself So I recognize it and I see it happen in these guys I'm like oh this guy doesn't want to do this anymore He's got to stop like you got to get out of this because you're just going through the motions and you're hoping it comes out Well, it's not going to right right like you have to it has to be it's got to be more powerful a more powerful force driving you It has to be a singular pursuit. | ||
| I really don't believe that you can be an elite professional fighter while doing anything else. | ||
| You can't moonlight. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| As a fighter. | ||
| It's just too fucking hard. | ||
| I mean, you can have some sort of a day job, like the heavyweight champion of the world is actually a firefighter. | ||
| Stipe Miocic, he's actually a legit firefighter, which makes me uncomfortable. | ||
| I would like him to make enough money that he doesn't have to be a firefighter or do anything else on the side. | ||
| But he hasn't had the big fights yet. | ||
| I'm sure he's made good money, but he hasn't had the big, big fights yet. | ||
| Are there any accountants? | ||
| I'm sure there's some that try it, get into it. | ||
| That's pretty... | ||
| I mean, obviously you love it, you know? | ||
| It's something that I don't know that much about, but I enjoyed watching it on that evening. | ||
| It's intense. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Have you ever seen Bullfighting live? | ||
| No. | ||
| I don't agree with bullfighting, but I think I would like to see it live. | ||
| Just because I think it's going to happen, whether I'm there or not. | ||
| I feel like that's one of those things that's a leftover cruelty from a past era. | ||
| I don't think if someone tried to introduce bullfighting today in North America, there's no fucking way. | ||
| Of course not. | ||
| Right? | ||
| But it still exists. | ||
| You can go watch it right now if you go, I guess, to Spain or some other countries. | ||
| It bothers me that it doesn't seem fair. | ||
| The fight isn't fair. | ||
| It's not fair. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| 100%. | ||
| But every now and then, the underdog wins. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Every now and then, that guy gets a horn right through the rectum area. | ||
| And then they got to drive to the Las Vegas Hilton? | ||
| There's some horrible... | ||
| You want to talk about videos you can watch online? | ||
| There are some horrible videos of bullfighting gone wrong. | ||
| It happens quite often. | ||
| Often enough that you could spend hours watching bullfighters get fucked up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Not for me. | ||
| There's a new type of bullfighting they do. | ||
| They call it ethical bullfighting, where they don't actually fight the bull, but they jump over the bull as the bull comes at them. | ||
| This is a joke. | ||
| No, no, no, it's not a joke. | ||
| There's a bunch of guys who are like acrobats, and they stand in front of the bull, and as the bull comes at them, they leap through the air, and they flip over the bull. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And sometimes that goes wrong, too. | ||
| Somebody sent me a video, said, you called it, and I watched the video, and I was like, dude trying to flip over the bull, and the bull catches him on the way up and fucking crushes him. | ||
| Have you seen on C-SPAN the bull debates? | ||
| Where they have two podiums and there's the one person and then the bull is at the other podium and they debate like a controversial issue. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Why would they do that? | ||
| The bull debates. | ||
| The humans always win because they have the human brain. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bulls can't talk. | |
| Yeah, the bulls are just standing there. | ||
| What is the bull representing? | ||
| They'll say, global warming, and then the guy will give his opinion, and then they go, and how about you, bull? | ||
| And it just stands there. | ||
| What the fuck are you talking about? | ||
| They haven't won one debate yet. | ||
| Are you serious? | ||
| No. | ||
| I'm so confused the way you're going with this. | ||
| I was like, what? | ||
| I'm looking at you while I'm doing this going, I thought this was so clearly absurd. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| It was absurd. | ||
| Wait, on C-SPAN? Where is this? | ||
| In this day and age, it's not absurd enough for me to absolutely assume that you're joking around. | ||
| Jamie, you got a video of those acrobatic bullfights? | ||
| Put the bull debates on. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know why I can't find it. | |
| I was looking at ethical bullfighting, bullfighting with no hands, and it's not coming. | ||
| I remember we just looked it up a couple weeks ago. | ||
| How about, yeah, bullfighting with acrobats? | ||
| Bull jumping. | ||
| Try that. | ||
| There we go, acrobat bullfight. | ||
| Yeah, acrobats. | ||
| It's kind of badass. | ||
| Because these guys are, it's super impressive what they can do with their bodies anyway, but then you see like a bull coming at them. | ||
| Check this out. | ||
| Fuck that thing is a big animal. | ||
| Yeah, he's got no hands there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Or nothing in his hands. | |
| He's just moving. | ||
| So you're just trying to avoid it. | ||
| Yeah, but this is a guy just moving. | ||
| But wait until he flips. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| I mean, that is fucking incredible. | ||
| Come on. | ||
| When we watched, they had their hands in their pockets, even. | ||
| Yeah, look at that, though. | ||
| I mean, that guy bounces and does a giant front line. | ||
| That's a bad motherfucker. | ||
| But this is kind of cool because, look, it's still fucked up because you have this wild animal or, you know, captive animal, rather. | ||
| Yeah, but at least it gets to live. | ||
| Yeah, it gets to live. | ||
| And then people get to watch this craziness. | ||
| I've seen this with cars. | ||
| Oh yeah, I saw a guy get hit. | ||
| People jumping over cars. | ||
| Somebody sent me an Instagram one of a guy doing that and he got hit by a car. | ||
| Oh my god, this guy's on his knees. | ||
| Oh, he's a crazy asshole. | ||
| Are they going to show some bad examples of this? | ||
| We can see a few bad examples, if you really want to. | ||
| Just look at you, you're a cruelty person. | ||
| Acrobatic bullfighting goes wrong. | ||
| I'm trying to dissuade someone out there who's watching this going, maybe I should do this for a living. | ||
| Show the downside. | ||
| Yeah, there's definitely downsides. | ||
| I watched a video the other day of this guy getting smashed. | ||
| Is this guy gonna get smashed? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I have no idea. | |
| I was just looking, I guess. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Doesn't seem like... | |
| Oh my god, there's like a whole team of these dudes. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| This is a new thing. | ||
| But I mean, I just found out about this a couple of months ago, and there's fucking a ton of videos and a bunch of events. | ||
| So this is a... | ||
| Bull leapers. | ||
| Boy, this is incredible how athletic these guys are. | ||
| This is even a six-year-old video. | ||
| What? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That's amazing. | ||
| Bull leaping dates back to antiquity, it says. | ||
|
unidentified
|
18th century. | |
| Oh my god, that guy's amazing. | ||
| To antiquity. | ||
| That's old. | ||
| Yep, for sure. | ||
| That guy's fucking amazing. | ||
| It's just amazing how good he is at dodging. | ||
| Oh, look at how close he gets! | ||
| The consequences are awful. | ||
| That bull wants to fuck you up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Woo! | |
| Oh, is it a chick? | ||
| She's gonna get in there, too? | ||
| Please don't kill a girl. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, she is. | |
| Oh, Jesus, honey. | ||
| Get out of there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Woo! | |
| Look at her go. | ||
| Damn! | ||
| That's all they showed of her. | ||
| I like how they turned their back, too. | ||
| Oh, there she is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's the same clip. | |
| Yeah, it was the same clip. | ||
| This gal's out of her fucking mind. | ||
| They're all out of their fucking mind. | ||
| Now you get to wear some cool outfits. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Animals. | |
| You gotta be careful with animals, Brian Regan. | ||
| Do you have pets? | ||
| No. | ||
| No? | ||
| I was thinking of getting fish. | ||
| But decided against... | ||
| You know that tanked company that had the... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| The TV show. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Well, they're based in Las Vegas. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't think the show is on anymore. | ||
| So I had them come out and they have a wall where I wanted to have some fish. | ||
| And we did the whole thing. | ||
| We did the structural stuff. | ||
| And... | ||
| I can't. | ||
| You have to feed fish every day. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| I'm not there every day. | ||
| And I said, well, the only way I can do this is if I have an electronic feeder or whatever. | ||
| And they said, we can do this. | ||
| And it just ended up being way too much of a thing. | ||
| So I'm not going to do it. | ||
| The real issue with them is you've got to clean the tank, too. | ||
| I would not do any of that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I would have people come by. | ||
| And then the people are by your house all the time. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Exactly. | |
| You've got to let them in. | ||
| They have to come once a week. | ||
| And it's like, this is too much of a commitment. | ||
| It is a lot. | ||
| To have fish that I don't have any, you know, what am I going to look at it every Just go to the aquarium. | ||
| Well, since you live in Vegas, go to Mandalay Bay and that shark event. | ||
| Been there. | ||
| That thing's awesome. | ||
| Pretty cool. | ||
| Have you ever been there, Jamie? | ||
| Been to Mandalay Bay. | ||
| I actually didn't even see the shark thing when I was there last time. | ||
| It's fucking great. | ||
| They have this huge, gigantic tank with sharks swimming around in it. | ||
| It's been a while since I've been there, but I think you can go underneath them, like they can swim above you, and I might have that wrong. | ||
| I don't know if that's the case. | ||
| You can do that some places. | ||
| I've definitely been there. | ||
| You can? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, Shark Reef. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| That's incredible. | ||
| There it is. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, the amount of effort. | ||
| We did a Fear Factor in Mandalay Bay, and so they gave us this tour of how this all works, and the amount of resources that are involved in running this fucking thing is crazy. | ||
| Do you fish? | ||
| Do you ever go fishing? | ||
| Years ago, I went with a bunch of buddies. | ||
| We chartered a boat out of Miami and went out and... | ||
| We were catching nothing and then all of a sudden we hit this school and everyone was going berserk. | ||
| I mean pulling them in every 30 seconds to a minute, 50-60 fish flopping around. | ||
| It was amazing. | ||
| To go from nothing, maybe it's similar to hunting where you just sit there for most of the time and then all of a sudden there's an elk or something. | ||
| Sometimes, yeah. | ||
| It was like nothing and then all of a sudden everybody's just on fire. | ||
| It was pretty intense. | ||
| I had that happen once in Mexico. | ||
| We went on a charter boat, and they'll take you to where, I think they were Amberjack? | ||
| I think that's what it was. | ||
| But anyway, there's this, literally like a football-sized, football-field-sized School of these fish fucking up these bait fish and the water just frothy just crazy without like it was amazing and just cast into that Giant football sized field and they would just smash the lure like instantly you just pull and fish as much as quick as you can so as long as this feeding frenzy went on you could pull fish in and And so then we brought those fish back to the hotel that we were staying at. | ||
| We bring it to the restaurant and they have like this whole thing that they do. | ||
| You talk to the chef and the chef says, how would you like it prepared? | ||
| We can make some ceviche. | ||
| We can bake some fish. | ||
| We can cook it in a variety of different preparations for you. | ||
| And so they did that. | ||
| And so you're eating fish that's like three hours old, four hours old. | ||
| So we had it for lunch. | ||
| It was incredible. | ||
| So good. | ||
| There's a comedian, Jim Colleton, good friend of mine. | ||
| He said he was out with buddies of his. | ||
| I don't know if it's part of his act and if I'm giving him complete credit, but all of his buddies were on a chartered boat and they all caught fish except for one guy. | ||
| So one of the guys that worked, one of the attendants or whatever, said, I'll take care of this and went to the other side of the boat with snorkel. | ||
| And jumped on the opposite side of the boat and grabbed the dead fish that had already been caught, went underneath, hooked the dead fish to this guy's line, and started shaking it underneath the boat to make it look like he was catching a fish. | ||
| And the guy's like, I got one, I got one! | ||
| And they pulled it up, and they just grabbed it really quickly and just threw it so he couldn't see that it had already been caught and dead. | ||
| And to this day, the guy thought that he caught a fish. | ||
| What? | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, they faked it on him. | ||
| Wow, that's elaborate. | ||
| It must be something that they, for the guy to already know this technique, maybe they do this. | ||
| Maybe that's a thing where they make you pretend like you're catching fish. | ||
| How drunk was he? | ||
| Because that would factor in. | ||
| I'm sure. | ||
| A bunch of guys on a boat fishing? | ||
| Of course they're drunk. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Anyway. | ||
| Yeah, fishing drunk is okay. | ||
| Hunting drunk, not okay. | ||
| Not okay. | ||
| Two very different pursuits. | ||
| I would imagine. | ||
| Yeah, but even fishing drunk, you've got to be careful. | ||
| You get hooked in the ass with a hook in the face, catch you in the head. | ||
| I've seen people get their ears hooked. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Someone's going to cast and the hook just catches you as you're casting. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Woo! | |
| Ouch! | ||
| Listen, we don't have to talk about terrible things. | ||
| Let's talk about good things. | ||
| So you're in San Diego this weekend and Stockton 209, right? | ||
| San Diego Friday, two shows. | ||
| Saturday at the Terrace Theater in Long Beach. | ||
| Oh, that's a good spot too. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then Sunday in Stockton, California. | ||
| How many weeks a year do you tour? | ||
| I try to do half the weekends of the year, so 26 weekends a year, and I will do four of those nights, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| So it's about 100 shows. | ||
| Damn, you hit it hard. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| I mean, it's what I do. | ||
| And how do you write? | ||
| Do you write and perform in local spots in Vegas? | ||
| No, I do it in my shows. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| I just come up with something and try to bookend it and squeeze it in there. | ||
| So you squeeze it in there between already established bits and then you let it grow, sort of? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And, you know, I don't know what my batting average is. | ||
| Maybe average, you know, in terms of new bits. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, some stuff just gets nothing. | ||
| It's always going to happen. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's something that people that have never tried comedy really probably don't understand, is that most of our stuff... | ||
| It's one of the reasons why plagiarism is so awful. | ||
| It's because by the time a bit becomes something that actually works, the amount of effort that goes into it to get it to work... | ||
| You're not just stealing this idea. | ||
| You're stealing this gigantic process that created this idea. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| It's definitely frowned upon. | ||
| In any field, but us being comedians, it's particularly egregious. | ||
| Well, it's also egregious because there's no recourse. | ||
| It's sort of as now. | ||
| You can make YouTube videos and get people angry at the person. | ||
| But if you have music or literature or anything, movies, it's very clear. | ||
| Like when someone plagiarizes and people get... | ||
| Like music, it's a giant issue. | ||
| Obviously there's been massive, massive lawsuits from people just stealing riffs with completely different lyrics. | ||
| And they've sued for the entire value of a song just for using samples and using pieces of it. | ||
| I mean, there's a lot of songs that were gigantic hit songs that the people who wrote the songs wound up making no money because it was deemed that they had stolen chunks or parts of that song from somebody else. | ||
| I like the fact that they can go after somebody legally, but what if you're wrong? | ||
| You know, like the Beatles, either the Beatles or one of the Beatles lost a court case about having stolen a song. | ||
| Oh, yeah? | ||
| And I don't remember what the song was. | ||
| But, you know, you can play two songs next to each other and... | ||
| A jury or whoever's deciding can just say, well, yeah, that's so close it was obviously taken when maybe it wasn't. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Maybe two people thought of the same thing. | ||
| That definitely happens in comedy as well. | ||
| Yes, definitely. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| I've had... | ||
| I had a situation. | ||
| You remember Dennis Wolfberg? | ||
| Sure. | ||
| Dennis Wolfberg used to have a bit years ago. | ||
| Dennis Wolfberg, wonderful comedian. | ||
| He's no longer with us. | ||
| And he had a thing about how the terms imbecile, idiot, and moron are actual technical, scientific levels of intelligence. | ||
| And there's a hierarchy to them. | ||
| And so you could call somebody an imbecile And it's a compliment because there's a dumber level or whatever. | ||
| So he used to do this whole bit about it. | ||
| And then I went out on the... | ||
| I started at the comic strip in Fort Lauderdale. | ||
| And then I went out on the road and I thought I had thought of it. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| So I was doing a similar bit for not that long. | ||
| And I had a comedian come up to me. | ||
| And I'm glad that our comedy community is so tight that this other guy sensed... | ||
| He said, I just want you to know Dennis Wolfberg has a very similar bit. | ||
| He goes, I don't know if you know that or not. | ||
| And I said, you know what? | ||
| I now remember him doing the bit. | ||
| I now remember it, and I think that I thought I thought of it, but probably the original inspiration was seeing him do it. | ||
| And I dropped it like a dime. | ||
| I was like, that's it. | ||
| I'm never doing it again. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| So there are instances where you can... | ||
| I'm sure there are outright thieves. | ||
| We all know about that. | ||
| But you can also mistakenly come up with something That you think you thought of. | ||
| So you have to really guard against that. | ||
| It's a really tricky thing. | ||
| Yeah, well that's very honest of you. | ||
| But I think that is the case with a lot of things. | ||
| I think we're very often inspired by other people's work. | ||
| Whether we recognize... | ||
| Whether we recognize it or not. | ||
| That's the George Harrison thing. | ||
| George Harrison versus the chiffons. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think, I mean, everybody's influenced in some way, shape, or form by other people's work. | ||
| There's just no getting around it. | ||
| It's just a matter of whether or not that you made a conscious decision to copy someone versus whether or not you you've been somehow or another influenced. | ||
| And in your case, it's just a forgetting thing. | ||
| I mean, that's that that also happens. | ||
| You could just make a mistake. | ||
| You could just forget. | ||
| But I think the... | ||
| Then you have to make the decision where you go, all right, now that it's been brought to my attention, what am I going to do about this? | ||
| So I'd like to think I made the right decision once it was brought to my attention. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Well, you definitely did. | ||
| You definitely made the right decision. | ||
| Do you write on a computer? | ||
| How do you write? | ||
| Just, no, I think of something. | ||
| I don't know how that happens. | ||
| I don't know how people think of things. | ||
| I don't know how I think of things. | ||
| And then once I have it, then I apply a little bit of a, all right, how am I going to put this to have a beginning, middle, and an end? | ||
| Say it out loud a few times. | ||
| Try it on stage. | ||
| Tape. | ||
| And then listen. | ||
| And then sometimes, I always feel, some of the best writing takes place on stage. | ||
| I think you can have something too cutesy and clever, like if you write it out. | ||
| But when you're on stage, there's a piece of you that goes, take this and say this. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| I completely agree. | ||
| This is way too wordy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And when you're on a legal pad or a computer, you throw a lot of adjectives. | ||
| I think you can get too conceptual where it's like, When you're on stage, something takes over and says, tighten this right now. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you get right to the quick. | ||
| Yeah, it's a weird art form. | ||
| I was talking to a friend of mine who's a musician about this, and I was saying the difference is you can come up with an amazing album in the studio, and you can tweak it and go over things, but we kind of have to do it in front of people. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I write, but what I write down, just like what you were saying, is a lot of times very different than how you say it in front of people, because once you start doing it in front of a live audience, you just start immediately trimming it and moving things around on it, you know? | ||
| I think it would be interesting if somebody tried to create a comedy hour, but without ever trying it in front of an audience. | ||
| Just like, create the hour the best you can, just on the computer or whatever, going, this is a good hour of comedy, and then the first time you ever do it is in front of an audience as the hour. | ||
| I just wonder how much of a disaster that would be. | ||
| You know, Carlin used to do that. | ||
| That's what Carlin used to do. | ||
| He used to write out his whole special. | ||
| Like, he used to write a new special every year. | ||
| And he would write it, and then he would... | ||
| He had two different ways of writing. | ||
| He would write it sober, and then he would smoke pot, and then punch it up, and then he would go and bring it to the stage. | ||
| And essentially, it was almost like a one-man show. | ||
| So you're saying he would create the hour, try it on stage, but then I'm sure he would tweak it before he was going to make an HBO special or something like that. | ||
| That wasn't the finished product. | ||
| I think as time went on, the bits would get better, he would tighten them up, but he essentially never worked his material out and he would abandon all of it every year. | ||
| He's amazing. | ||
| He was amazing. | ||
| That's a crazy way to do it, right? | ||
| You know, I hear stories like that, and I like to think I'm adequate at what I do, and then you hear something like that, and you go, if you put a bar graph of people talented at something, I'd be like a blip, you know, George Carlin up here. | ||
| Well, he was an intensely creative guy. | ||
| He didn't have to do a whole new hour... | ||
| Every year and do a whole new HBO special every year. | ||
| But that was his schedule. | ||
| And I think the rigidity of that, like the discipline of that, is one of the things that kept him so creative and so focused. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, he was a genius. | ||
| I almost saw his last show. | ||
| Damn. | ||
| Or one of his last shows. | ||
| He was performing in Las Vegas. | ||
| I was married at the time. | ||
| And my ex and I were trying to figure out something to do that evening. | ||
| I said, George Carlin's in town. | ||
| And there was also a Neil Diamond impersonator. | ||
| So we saw the Neil Diamond impersonator. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No! | |
| So my story isn't... | ||
| I got to see one of George Carlin's last sets as a human being. | ||
| I get to say, I saw a wonderful Neil Diamond impersonator. | ||
| Oh, Christ. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| It was a good Neil Diamond impersonator. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We come to America today. | |
| It was like that. | ||
| I was really happy to be there. | ||
| Vegas is one of the few places where you can see a lot of impersonators. | ||
| There was one hotel in Las Vegas and I saw the signs for all the shows and I realized everybody was a fake something else. | ||
| There was like the Rat Pack. | ||
| And there was like a Neil Diamond impersonator. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then there was the guy that dresses like all, you know, the women stars and stuff like that. | ||
| I'm like, none of the actual people are here. | ||
| These are all impersonators of other famous people. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So the people can be famous and then people pretending to be those people can also become famous. | ||
| Yeah, right? | ||
| Yeah, and they get really good at it. | ||
| And that was, everybody in that casino was a fake something else. | ||
| Have you ever seen that Frank Marino guy? | ||
| That's one of the guys I was talking about. | ||
| I've never seen his show, but I hear he's really good. | ||
| Yeah, he's got a whole show where he does famous women. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Are you allowed to call them drag queens anymore? | ||
| I'm not going to say that. | ||
| I'm afraid to say any term about anybody anymore. | ||
| I don't even know if person is offensive. | ||
| I don't even like to use the word person because I'm sure somebody out there going, who are you calling a person? | ||
| Black Diamond. | ||
| The best Neil Diamond tribute on the planet. | ||
| It wasn't him. | ||
| No. | ||
| I would have remembered. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Or maybe Black Diamond was so good at it that I didn't realize during the show that he was black. | ||
| Don't you feel like that this, I mean, as far as like comedy having a bunch of landmines that you could accidentally step on, this seems like the most fraught with peril time ever. | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| What do you make of this? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It's definitely an interesting time, you know, with everything that's been going on. | ||
| And what's weird about comedy too is that part of what makes it interesting is pushing the envelope. | ||
| And people need to be willing to cross the line to see what's over there. | ||
| I don't really do a lot of that kind of comedy, but I like that there are people that do that kind of comedy. | ||
| But that, in conjunction with a politically correct world, Is a very strange place. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's a very strange place and people are looking for someone to step over those lines so they can attack them. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| There are forbidden subjects. | ||
| There's forbidden words. | ||
| There's forbidden takes on things. | ||
| I'm in this... | ||
| It's going to sound like I'm plugging. | ||
| I'm in this... | ||
| TV thing that Peter Farrelly is directing called Louder Milk. | ||
| Why don't you plug it? | ||
| That's the plug. | ||
| I'm done with the plug. | ||
| Louder Milk? | ||
| Louder Milk. | ||
| It's about- The Farrelly brothers from Dumb and Dumber. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Fucking geniuses. | ||
| Yes, and I'm honored to be in the show, and I have a tiny little part in the thing, and it's about substance abuse. | ||
| Ron Livingston plays the main character, Louder Milk, and it's about substance abuse, but it's done in a very funny way. | ||
| One of the first reviews that I read, then I read a comment about it and somebody wrote, how dare somebody make fun of substance abuse? | ||
| There's nothing funny about substance abuse. | ||
| And it was just some person out on the internet. | ||
| And it just bothers me that people draw these lines. | ||
| Like, there's something funny about everything. | ||
| Everything. | ||
| Everything that exists. | ||
| It depends on what you want to say about it and what your point of view is. | ||
| Every subject is fair game, as far as I'm concerned. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| It depends on what your position is. | ||
| What's your point of view on it? | ||
| Yeah, the idea that there's subjects that cannot be breached is preposterous. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| I agree. | ||
| But I think it's that there's more people that have the ability to complain about things now than ever before because of social media. | ||
| You can be in your underwear now. | ||
| The fact that you can be in your underwear and feel like you're a mouthpiece, you're literally at home in your underwear, you know, typing out, ah, I don't like this. | ||
| Yeah, but you could write some great shit in your underwear. | ||
| Like, I don't care what you're wearing. | ||
| I just care what... | ||
| No, I'm talking about a critic. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Anybody, anywhere... | ||
| That's what I'm saying. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right, right, gotcha. | |
| You could be a great critic in your underwear and write a brilliant piece on something. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| I don't really care what they're wearing. | ||
| I see what you're saying. | ||
| My point is anybody anywhere can have an opinion about anything at any time. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And in a way, that's good. | ||
| But in a way, you're going to get some underqualified opinions. | ||
| You're definitely going to get that. | ||
| You're going to get a lot of opinions from people that you would never choose to talk to in real life. | ||
| You would weed them out. | ||
| But you can't weed them out online because everyone's just text. | ||
| And comedy is weird because everybody... | ||
| Everybody has what their sense of humor is. | ||
| And so everybody thinks that... | ||
| I've always been amazed that people think that their sense of humor is the correct one. | ||
| When people make these absolute statements going, he's funny. | ||
| She's not funny. | ||
| She is funny. | ||
| He's not funny. | ||
| Well, who made you the comedy barometer? | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Whereas other art forms... | ||
| Most people are wise enough to go, like, if somebody that goes to a ballet and doesn't like it You know, at least you're wise enough to go, I don't appreciate the ballet. | ||
| You don't walk out going, that ballerina sucks! | ||
| There's got to be some critical ballerina critics. | ||
| I'm sure, but just because you don't like something doesn't mean it wasn't good. | ||
| Right, but it's not good to you. | ||
| I mean, that's the case with music. | ||
| But isn't that with everything, right? | ||
| Music, movies, there's a lot of things that people love. | ||
| It's fair if you qualify it that way. | ||
| If you say, I don't find that person funny, okay. | ||
| But to make the blanket statement that he's not funny is not up to you to say. | ||
| Comedy's a weird thing too in that it's one term that applies to a bunch of different styles. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Whereas music, you can go to see country western music, you can see rap, rock and roll. | ||
| There's all these different genres. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Comedy's not like that. | ||
| It's just, is it funny or is it not? | ||
| That's why it was always weird when comedy clubs started exploding around the country and there would be this building that said Comedy Club on it. | ||
| Yeah! | ||
| In Pittsburgh or Des Moines. | ||
| And music, like you say, is subdivided. | ||
| You don't just go to a music club. | ||
| Hey, there's the music club. | ||
| You want to go hear music? | ||
| Well, everybody likes music, but not everybody likes the same kind of music. | ||
| Comedy... | ||
| Is not subdivided, not that I'm saying that it should be, but to just go into a room that says comedy on it and think that you are automatically going to be entertained is kind of ludicrous. | ||
| Yeah, but it's hard, though, if you don't know who the comics are, right? | ||
| It's like you don't know what their take on things is going to be, and that's one of the things about a nice local club. | ||
| Say if you live in Nashville and you go to Zaney's, like, oh, I never heard of this guy, but he's been on Comedy Central. | ||
| Let's take a chance. | ||
| You literally have no idea what this person's take is. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It's great that you can go to a place like that or you can go to the improv in Hollywood and you'll see like 10 different comedians one night or the comedy store or where have you. | ||
| But you don't know what you're going to get. | ||
| Correct. | ||
| Which I think would be part of the fun. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| For sure. | ||
| But for some people who like Yeah. | ||
| You know, want to draw a line and go, well, that person's not funny, so therefore I didn't have a good time. | ||
| It's like, well, you took a chance. | ||
| One of the great parts about something like the Comedy Store, where you get a new person every 15 minutes. | ||
| You know, he's constantly new people. | ||
| You know? | ||
| What are you writing over there, Jamie? | ||
| You're writing emails? | ||
| People always hit me up during the show. | ||
| Oh. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What... | |
| Like, when you see comedy today, do you think that you would have... | ||
| When you think about when you first started, do you think you would feel the same way about stand-up if you had to start out today, seeing how it's all fraught with peril? | ||
| Do you think you would have jumped in anyway? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It feels different, right? | ||
| It does. | ||
| And there were a lot fewer people doing it when I started. | ||
| And to me it was just this internal quest that came from within myself that I want to do this. | ||
| And comedy evolves and now there is a lot of autobiographical kind of comedy and a lot of people really going into their heart and soul and talking about how they feel and stuff like that. | ||
| And I love all comedy. | ||
| But my comedy kind of comes from a different perspective. | ||
| It's more observational. | ||
| So I don't know if I were to watch all of the comedy now, if I would go, I want to jump into that pool. | ||
| I'd like to think I would, but I don't know. | ||
| Well, I love your comedy. | ||
| Your comedy is very observational and very silly. | ||
| But I always wonder, like, I wonder... | ||
| Today, it seems like there's way more uncensored comedy than there was when you started out. | ||
| Your comedy's also... | ||
| You're one of the rare guys where you're fucking hilarious. | ||
| Anybody can go see you. | ||
| Anybody. | ||
| You can bring children, old people, young people, in the middle, anybody. | ||
| I mean, your comedy reaches... | ||
| You're probably, in my opinion, the most hilarious guy that reaches the widest audience. | ||
| I appreciate that. | ||
| It's an amazing thing that you've figured out how to do. | ||
| You just figured out how to... | ||
| Hit this middle, like, this area where you could really bring anybody to your show. | ||
| But everybody that I know really thinks you're a very funny comedian. | ||
| Like, it's very unusual. | ||
| Like, a lot of times when a guy's like squeaky clean, like, ah, that's not for me. | ||
| But everybody thinks you're funny. | ||
| So it's a weird thing. | ||
| I'm very honored by that, truly. | ||
| It means the world to me. | ||
| I mean, I love making audiences laugh, obviously. | ||
| But to have comedians like what I do, for you to say nice things like that, other comedians, you know, it's a tremendous honor. | ||
| But it's a real... | ||
| It's a feat. | ||
| And Gaffigan's done it, too. | ||
| Gaffigan's another guy who's just goddamn hilarious, but squeaky clean. | ||
| Anybody can go see him. | ||
| And it's very admirable in a lot of ways. | ||
| It's not a lot of guys like you guys anymore. | ||
| It seems like people are either squeaky clean or they're really dirty and they don't necessarily appeal to people who like both. | ||
| I obviously like very dirty comedy. | ||
| I love extreme uncensored comedy, but I also love your comedy. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| I feel the same way. | ||
| What's weird for me is if somebody comes up to me after a show and say, hey, I like your show. | ||
| So, great. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| But then they want to lean in and go, I'm glad you're not like... | ||
| Like them. | ||
| You know it's an us against them And I feel like saying, I like them. | ||
| I like what they do, too, and I like what I do. | ||
| It's the old... | ||
| Remember when stovetop stuffing came out? | ||
| Stovetop stuffing, and the ad was, wouldn't you rather have stuffing instead of potatoes? | ||
| And as a kid, I used to think, I want stuffing as well as potatoes. | ||
| I don't want... | ||
| One over the other. | ||
| I want both of them. | ||
| So why can't both kinds of comedy exist and be valid? | ||
| Instead of... | ||
| I wish they'd stop doing that. | ||
| Well, there was a bunch of comics like Bill Cosby. | ||
| Bill Cosby was always saying that the comedians that did dirty comedy, that there's something wrong with them. | ||
| He was one of the big ones that was pushing against it. | ||
| See, I don't feel that way. | ||
| But I will say that I think there are at least some comics who work blue who know that pushing buttons will get a response. | ||
| I would hope that it's a truthful, organic message that you want to give as the comedian. | ||
| And if it happens to be dirty, if it happens to be raunchy, great. | ||
| But if you're on stage going, I know if I say fuck, they'll laugh. | ||
| Then it gets to button pushing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I find that to be a little, like, less interesting to me. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's all about whether or not it's really authentically that person's interpretation of life. | ||
| You know, and some people, like whether it's Joey Diaz or something like that, it's just a very uncensored person. | ||
| Like, talking to him offstage, talking to him onstage... | ||
| Pretty similar same guy as far as how he views the world. | ||
| He's just figured out a way to turn that into an art form. | ||
| And you're right, there's other people that are... | ||
| It's almost like they could have been a plumber, but instead they decided to be a comic. | ||
| So like, hmm, how do I make this work? | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| There's nothing wrong with being a plumber, but what I'm saying is that what they're doing is manufactured and sort of just artificial. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's putting the audience first. | ||
| What will they laugh at? | ||
| Oh, I see that they'll laugh if you talk about this, that, and the other, so therefore I will talk about this, that, and the other, instead of it coming from inside you. | ||
| You mentioned earlier about me figuring out a way to reach a wide audience, which I appreciate the kind words, but I never went that route. | ||
| I just want to do what I think is good, and wherever it lands, it lands, and the fact that Okay, maybe a 10-year-old kid can get into it, and maybe a 78-year-old woman can get into it. | ||
| Great, but that's not something... | ||
| I don't try to figure that out. | ||
| I didn't go, well, what can I do to get this wide range? | ||
| I just do what I do, and whatever happens, happens. | ||
| And I'm just fortunate that it ended that way. | ||
| Yeah, well, you can tell that when you're on stage, too. | ||
| Aren't you getting ready to do another special? | ||
| I just did a special that's going to air November 21st. | ||
| It's called Oh Jesus. | ||
| What's it airing on? | ||
| Netflix. | ||
| Oh, awesome, man. | ||
| I'm doing two specials for Netflix. | ||
| The first one comes out November 21st, and then I'll be doing another one in 2019. Oh, wow. | ||
| You plan it that far ahead? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Wow, that's kind of cool. | ||
| But I already have to, like, move away from the material I've already shot. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Right. | ||
| It's hard to do it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look at that. | |
| Hey! | ||
| Look at you. | ||
| That's me. | ||
| Why you got two mics? | ||
| No, those are nunchucks. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| The name of the special is Nunchucks and Flamethrowers. | ||
| What a bizarre name for a special. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| Why? | ||
| It's a punchline from one of the jokes, and it's too long of a joke to try to get into, but... | ||
| Where'd you record that? | ||
| At the Paramount Theater in Denver, Colorado. | ||
| Oh, man. | ||
| That's awesome. | ||
| That's where Tom Segura just recorded his special. | ||
| Same theater? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| It's a great theater. | ||
| I think. | ||
| I'm pretty sure. | ||
| I love the crowds in Denver. | ||
| No, Denver's the shit. | ||
| I'm there Friday night. | ||
| I'm at the Belco. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Cool, cool, cool. | ||
| I love Denver. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Two shows, by the way. | ||
| Second show's almost sold out. | ||
| Don't sleep. | ||
| Then I'm doing Phoenix on Saturday, the Comerica. | ||
| You ever done that place? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Yeah, it's big. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Big and fun. | ||
| Yeah, it should be good times. | ||
| Good times. | ||
| I haven't seen you perform in a while. | ||
| I want to come see your show. | ||
| What are you doing tonight? | ||
| Where are you performing tonight? | ||
| Comedy store. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| Come on down, fucker. | ||
| Let's have a cocktail, an adult beverage. | ||
| How's it work? | ||
| It's not October, is it? | ||
| No, it's not. | ||
| We're deep in November. | ||
| I had a couple of shots last night. | ||
| It is November the 15th, sir. | ||
| We are golden. | ||
| Are you there tomorrow night? | ||
| No. | ||
| No, tomorrow night I'm not. | ||
| Because we were thinking of maybe going over there tomorrow night. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| I will definitely consider it. | ||
| Either way. | ||
| We'll do it some other time. | ||
| And if not tonight, then soon. | ||
| Definitely. | ||
| Definitely. | ||
| All right, my brother. | ||
| Well, thank you for coming, man. | ||
| Joe, thank you. | ||
| My pleasure. | ||
| And November 21st, Netflix? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| And I'm sure it's going to be awesome. | ||
| And then this weekend, Santa Barbara. | ||
| No, San Diego. | ||
| San Diego. | ||
| Friday. | ||
| Stockton. | ||
| Stockton Sunday. | ||
| And then in between the two, Long Beach on Saturday. | ||
| Beautiful. | ||
| Thanks, brother. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Appreciate it. | |
| Thank you, Joe. | ||
| Brian Regan, ladies and gentlemen. |
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