Nov. 2, 2017 - The Joe Rogan Experience
03:20:45
| 
| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
| Ladies and gentlemen, how's everybody? | ||
| Friday night, this Friday night, as in today's Wednesday, November 1st. | ||
| And this Friday the 3rd, I'm at the theater at Madison Square Garden with Ian Edwards, but that's sold out. | ||
| Then the 17th, I'm at the Denver Belco Theater for two shows. | ||
| First show is almost sold out real close. | ||
| And there are some tickets available for the second show. | ||
| And then Saturday night in Phoenix at the Comerica Theater, that's almost sold out as well. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And then I got shit for a while. | |
| I got some shows that are coming up in December, but really the big one is the Wiltern. | ||
| We're doing New Year's Eve at the Wiltern with powerful Ian Edwards and myself. | ||
| New Year's Eve, two shows. | ||
| Second show is sold out, but quite honestly, the first show is going to be more fun because it's going to be an actual show. | ||
| Whereas the second show, there's going to be, there's always an asshole with one of those little horns that blow on New Year's. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's like, look at me the time, the new time. | |
| Anyway, we're going to have a good time. | ||
| JoeRogan.net forward slash tour. | ||
| And I am about to announce within the next week or so a shit ton of new dates. | ||
| I'm doing a gang of shit. | ||
| Gang. | ||
| And that will be, again, in the following, like maybe no later than a month from now, all of it. | ||
| I think some of them are going to actually be in January, so it'll probably be quicker than that. | ||
| We are brought to you by Blinkist. | ||
| The Blinkist app has over 2,000 of the best-selling nonfiction books transformed into powerful packs that you can read or listen to in just 15 minutes. | ||
| Have you ever tried reading four books in one day? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like, what? | |
| I don't have that fucking kind of time. | ||
| Well, now you can get what you need to know from a non-function, non-function, non-fiction, hello, Freud. | ||
| You can get what you need to know from a non-fiction book in just 15 minutes. | ||
| And since you're listening to this podcast, you probably enjoy the idea of listening to shit on the go with your smartphone and perhaps even learning shit on the go. | ||
| Well, imagine if you can listen to the key insights of a nonfiction book in just 15 minutes. | ||
| Well, with Blinkist, you can now feast your mind on the key ideas from the top-selling nonfiction books like Why Nations Fail, The Myth of a Strong Leader, Crippled America, Two Nations Indivisible, all sorts of different titles, folks. | ||
| You can listen to Forbes, Bust Feed, and The New York Times and Lifehacker who are all talking about Blinkist. | ||
| They were chosen by Apple and Google's best of selection for two years, and the app is used by over 2 million users. | ||
| Look, the ability to do that, the ability to, in just 15 minutes, get most of the pertinent information from the seven habits of highly successful people, or the four-hour work week, or the power of habit, and I can go on and on and on, but you should just try it. | ||
| Blinkist has a special offer for just the audience of this podcast. | ||
| If you go to Blinkist, that's B-L-I-N-K-I-S-T.com forward slash Rogan right now to start your free trial, or you can get three months off your yearly plan when you join today. | ||
| That's blinkist, B-L-I-N-K-I-S-T dot com forward slash Rogan to start your free trial and or get three months off your yearly plan. | ||
| Blinkist.com forward slash Rogan. | ||
| Actually, or, not and or, just or, or get three months. | ||
| Blinkist.com forward slash Rogan. | ||
| It's a great deal. | ||
| It's a great idea, and it really can benefit you in terms of your ability to accumulate important information. | ||
| We're also brought to you by Square Cash. | ||
| Square Cash is the simplest way to pay people back. | ||
| Borrow some money from a friend, family, coworkers, maybe you owe money to young Jamie, anyone. | ||
| Sending and receiving money is totally free and fast, and most payments can be deposited directly into your bank account in just a few seconds. | ||
| Here's how it works. | ||
| In the cash app, you can link your debit or credit card, select an amount to send, and then type in a friend's phone number or email address to complete a payment. | ||
| They'll get a notification that they've just received money, and that's it. | ||
| No gimmicks, just cold, hard, digital cash. | ||
| Download the free Square Cash app for iOS or Android now. | ||
| And last but not least, we're at the home stretch. | ||
| Ladies and gentlemen, we're brought to you by Track R. What is Track R? | ||
| Track R. Track R. Do you ever lose your wallet, your phone, your keys? | ||
| Hmm? | ||
| Hmm? | ||
| Why does leaving the house always turn into the world's most annoying scavenger hunt? | ||
| I fucking do this all the time. | ||
| I am on the way out the door. | ||
| I'm like, where's my phone? | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| And I'll look in my pockets. | ||
| No. | ||
| And I'll look in my car. | ||
| No. | ||
| And then I run back inside. | ||
| And I'm like, shit, fuck, shit, fuck. | ||
| And I run around the bathroom. | ||
| Where did I go? | ||
| Well, if you're always doing that, if you're one of those people just like me, it stopped being cute a long fucking time ago, right? | ||
| Now you just annoy everyone who knows you, all your friends, all your family, all your co-workers, because you're that fucking dipshit that keeps losing things. | ||
| Well, life is supposed to be a journey of discovery, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| Of the big, meaningful stuff, like love and purpose and experience. | ||
| Not trying to find your fucking phone or your keys. | ||
| Well, eight years ago, Tracker, T-R-A-C-K-R, changed everything when they released their first tracking device. | ||
| And now they've done it again with the all-new Track R Pixel. | ||
| With Track R Pixel, you'll never have to worry about losing Your shit again. | ||
| Tracker Pixel is the lightest Bluetooth tracking device on the market. | ||
| I'm saying Track R because that's a spell it, but it's really tracker. | ||
| T-R-A-C-K-R, Pixel. | ||
| You can find whatever shit you usually lose. | ||
| Wallet, keys, maybe your cat, stick it right on his asshole. | ||
| He can't do nothing about that. | ||
| Because he's a cat. | ||
| When you misplace an item that has the Track R pixel attached to it, you can use your smartphone and a 90 decibel alert will help you find it in seconds. | ||
| You might even deafen your cat as a bonus. | ||
| No, don't do that. | ||
| Don't put it on your fucking cat. | ||
| Look, your cat will find his way back. | ||
| I don't like the fact they have this in the copy because it makes it look like it's my idea. | ||
| Don't put it on your cat. | ||
| Let your cat find his way home. | ||
| Your cat has like a geosynchronous tracking unit built into his brain. | ||
| They find you. | ||
| Anyway, if you lose your phone, just press the button on your Track R pixel and your phone rings. | ||
| Even if it's on silent. | ||
| You can even locate your item if it's miles away because every Track R user is part of the largest crowd locate network in the world. | ||
| It's like ways for finding your shit. | ||
| And Tracker's 30-day money-back guarantee means you truly have nothing to lose. | ||
| So go to the tracker, T-R-A-C-K-R.com forward slash Rogan to get 20% off any order. | ||
| That's the tracker, T-H-E-T-R-A-C-K-R.com forward slash Rogan to get 20% off. | ||
| Thetracker.com forward slash Rogan. | ||
| Ladies and gentlemen, my guest today is the great and powerful Owen Benjamin. | ||
| He's a loose cannon, and I thought he'd be the perfect guy to bring in for the first ever podcast that I did right after I got done with Sober October. | ||
| Sobriety was fun. | ||
| It was awesome. | ||
| I enjoyed it. | ||
| But I think I'm better as a podcaster when I'm not sober. | ||
| So enjoy. | ||
| We had a good time. | ||
| We spoke about some very deep and powerful shit. | ||
| And he's just a fucking good dude. | ||
| Owen Benjamin is a good dude. | ||
| And one of the things that I really like about Owen is that he's one of the rare actual loose cannons in this world. | ||
| One of the rare in the comedy world. | ||
| Everyone is so worried about protecting their career. | ||
| But Owen, he works part-time as an arborist. | ||
| He chops down trees and shit. | ||
| He's an animal. | ||
| He lives in the mountains. | ||
| He's a rare dude, and I love him. | ||
| So please welcome Owen Benjamin. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Joe Rogan podcast. | |
| Check it out. | ||
| The Joe Rogan experience. | ||
| Train by day. | ||
| Joe Rogan podcast by night. | ||
| All day. | ||
| And we're live. | ||
| Today is Wednesday, November 1st, which means sober October is over. | ||
| And I have saved my indulgence to be here with you, Owen Benjamin. | ||
| It's such an honor. | ||
| We're going to drink some William Wolf bourbon. | ||
| It's perfect. | ||
| I'm not sure where I got this. | ||
| I believe somebody gave it to me. | ||
| I hope it's not poison. | ||
| There you go, buddy. | ||
| You got to trust the wolf. | ||
| Yeah, we're going to have a little of this, then we'll spark up a dube. | ||
| There it is. | ||
| Get the party started. | ||
| Cheers, sir, brother. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| Congrats on October, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Thank you. | |
| Thank you. | ||
| I had a not-sober October. | ||
| I bet you did. | ||
| I saw some of your tweets. | ||
| Oh, Benjamin likes to go off. | ||
| I appreciate that. | ||
| You know what, man? | ||
| That's a fucking, that's a lost thing. | ||
| The ability to go off. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Crazy shit. | ||
| Everybody's so goddamn scared of repercussions, of being protested. | ||
| I mean, everybody's being hashtag called out. | ||
| I know, and it's just like it immobilizes people. | ||
| It's like, that's why I liked season two, this season of Stranger Things. | ||
| You watching that? | ||
| I like Hopper, like the cop. | ||
| Because he'll get pissed and be like, sorry, it's because I just care so damn much. | ||
| You could do that shit in the 80s. | ||
| Yeah, you could. | ||
| Oh, sweet taste of marijuana. | ||
| That is my first marijuana in 31 days. | ||
| I mean, try it on this. | ||
| Oh, that's nice. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How's it feel? | |
| How's it feel? | ||
| Feels good to be back. | ||
| Feels good. | ||
| I missed it. | ||
| I tell you what, though, I enjoyed being sober. | ||
| Not that I needed to be sober, not like I was a junkie with a problem, but it's nice to take a reset. | ||
| I'm going to do it every year. | ||
| I'm going to do sober October every year. | ||
| You heard us good. | ||
| So gear yourselves up, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| 11 months from now, join on in. | ||
| Maybe Owen won't. | ||
| What do you think? | ||
| No, I'm in, man. | ||
| Let's do it. | ||
| I'll do Sober October. | ||
| Because this year I just hit my foot with an axe. | ||
| You so are living in the boonies, man. | ||
| I don't know anybody in LA that could tell me that where I wouldn't call the police and say, I don't know why the fuck he's swinging an axe, but please check. | ||
| Well, yeah, because my brother does tree work, so I usually wear the boots, you know? | ||
| But we have fires every night. | ||
| And I really like tinkering to make the fire good. | ||
| And then I, you know, crack some beers, and then my family hangs out, and then they go inside, and they crack more beers. | ||
| And I had to chop some more wood, and I didn't put on the good boots, and my axe just careened off it and hit me in the foot. | ||
| And I didn't have time to get stitches, so I just put a maxi pad on it, and it worked. | ||
| How big was the cut? | ||
| It's pretty legit. | ||
| They say you should use whenever possible. | ||
| If you can't get anywhere, you could use crazy glue. | ||
| I've never tried that, but I know a lot of people who have. | ||
| And I know fighters who have gotten cut in camp and just used crazy glue, crazy glued up the cut and then made it to the fight. | ||
| That's awesome. | ||
| Didn't let anybody know that they had a pre-existing injury. | ||
| Those guys are hard as nails. | ||
| There's a lot of them that they'll go into the octagon with some crazy shit. | ||
| What is this? | ||
| Flea, what happened to him? | ||
| Flea plays doctor with super glue. | ||
| Huh. | ||
| Most people cut themselves badly, head to the emergency room. | ||
| But when Red Hot Chili Pepper's bassist Flea cut his thumb open, aggressively strumming his guitar during a show, he didn't have time for surgery. | ||
| So keeping it crafty, he picked up a bottle of superglue, sealed the cut like any good shirtless rock star would. | ||
| Yeah, I would do that in a heartbeat. | ||
| like cuts or like wounds, I'm all about just like doing shit like that. | ||
| It's like broken bones. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's when I know I got to set it or something. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| That seems like a flea move. | ||
| He seems like a psycho. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He pulled it out of his socket. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I remember they did an article once. | ||
| He was talking about how important his pre-performance shits are. | ||
| And I was like, yeah, they are important. | ||
| But why is everybody, why are we ashamed of bowel movements? | ||
| Why are we ashamed of potty? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| We should be honored to get rid of toxins. | ||
| Jamie and I have been talking about it openly because you've got some new bathrooms for the studio that have those Japanese toilets that shoot hot water up your butt. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| And they're warm. | ||
| So you sit in the toilet, it's heated like right away. | ||
| It's like a warm, comforting, like, come in, come in and shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Come in and just release, relax those bowels and let it go. | |
| Let it go. | ||
| That's awesome, man. | ||
| I'm real meat and potatoes with my shits. | ||
| I just, I get in and I get out. | ||
| But you know, if there's another level to it, like what you're describing, I want in. | ||
| Sometimes I'm disturbed, though, after it shoots hot water up my ass for five minutes, and then I use toilet paper and white it down, and still I see poo. | ||
| I'm like, well, what the hell? | ||
| Right. | ||
| I haven't had any of those yet. | ||
| It's been all clean every time. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I like it. | |
| Maybe your daughter's better than mine. | ||
| Is there like a lot of water? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You can like five different demons. | ||
| It can spread wider. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Is it like gentle or is it like it's just right. | |
| It's just perfect. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It shoots all over the place. | ||
| You can get it to go all over the place. | ||
| I forget. | ||
| Do Zars have more than one, can it aim to more than one spot, like with a button? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, you can move it. | ||
| But it's the same jet, right? | ||
| But then there's also a front jet, which is obviously for women, but for children. | ||
| I don't know where that should be. | ||
| Hammer your balls. | ||
| You can do a ball shot. | ||
| I saw some dude on TV that got hit, no, on the internet, rather, a video clip of someone who, the guy in front of him, he was a catcher, and the guy in front of him just barely clipped the ball and it careened perfectly into his nutsack. | ||
| And you see this fastball, this hard fastball, just target his nutsack and bang. | ||
| And even though it's like an animated gift that's only a couple seconds long, as soon as that ball hits the ground, you see his body just giving like, no. | ||
| It was like precision. | ||
| Like I played a lacrosse and that happened once. | ||
| Oh, this is not it? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| No? | ||
| Oh, I thought. | ||
| Well, I should have retweeted it. | ||
| I was being selfish with it. | ||
| You were being selfish with the ball hit? | ||
| No, sometimes I don't retweet things, even though they're good. | ||
| And then I go, why didn't I retweet that? | ||
| And then I try to go back and find them, and they're just lost in this sea of replies, at replies, where they just get, I can't, here it is. | ||
| I think this is it. | ||
| Yep, that's it. | ||
| Watch this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Boom! | |
| And that might have to be. | ||
| Look at them go down. | ||
| Oh, see, bam. | ||
| I mean, it doesn't get any more perfect because it hits side dick. | ||
| See, if you get hit with a cup. | ||
| Today's cups are so much better than the cups we had when we were kids. | ||
| Because the cups we had, if you played, did you play any contact sports before? | ||
| So when they have to put those cups in the jock strap, those fuckers kind of floated around a little bit. | ||
| Oh, they were terrible. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't even wear one half the time. | ||
| I can go cross. | ||
| I stopped wearing a cup. | ||
| Because they would just start hurting my balls. | ||
| Because that little line part, like the edge would sometimes just get above the ball. | ||
| And then one time I got hit by like a 90-mile an hour shot. | ||
| Racros ball goes 90 miles an hour. | ||
| Yeah, and it's just hard rubber. | ||
|
unidentified
|
90 miles an hour. | |
| Dude, I use those things for massage. | ||
| Oh, they're crazy. | ||
| You ever take one of those lacrosse balls? | ||
| You lie on your back? | ||
| Folks, if anybody, if you have like back soreness, and like especially if you don't want to pay someone to massage you, if you can take the pain, you can do it yourself. | ||
| You take a lacrosse ball or we have those other balls. | ||
| Who makes them? | ||
| Rogue? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| Rogue makes them. | ||
| Rogue Athletics makes them. | ||
| They're fucking awesome. | ||
| They're called WAD Supernovas. | ||
| Jamie, go grab one of those. | ||
| We got it right outside the door. | ||
| Do you know what that thing is? | ||
| Oh, dude, these guys can throw like 120, right? | ||
| They're out of their mind. | ||
| Oh, it's psychotic because they got the leverage of it. | ||
| And it's also a sport where you get super good at, and then what? | ||
| You don't even have a fucking career. | ||
| Totally. | ||
| If that guy, I mean, there's guys that are probably like just fucking aces at that shit, but they can't go into the NHL or the, I mean, there's nothing there for them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
There's nothing. | |
| Nothing there, Jamie. | ||
| Anyway, so they make them. | ||
| I think Kelly Starrett invented it. | ||
| I'm sorry if that's not correct. | ||
| But they, I know Kelly Starr was one of the first guys to suggest using a lacrosse ball. | ||
| And you take this lacrosse ball, that's the WAD supernova. | ||
| Nice. | ||
| But you can use a lacrosse ball. | ||
| I use one all the time. | ||
| I take it with me on the road because it's super little. | ||
| But you take one of those hard little fuckers and just lay it on the ground and then bridge over it. | ||
| You know, like a wrestling bridge. | ||
| Just put all your weight into that lacrosse ball and just roll it up and down like any kind of knot you have in your back. | ||
| It's painful as fuck. | ||
| Yeah, man, I need some backs. | ||
| Like that's the 6'7 back is not fun after a certain age. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| It just starts. | ||
| Backs are temporary. | ||
| They're like tires. | ||
| You can wear those fuckers out. | ||
| You have to be careful and you have to do maintenance work. | ||
| Like backs are like one of the most common things that people injure and it changed their life. | ||
| Like if you hurt your hand, it sucks, but it probably isn't going to change your life like a back thing will. | ||
| Like if you break your hand, have you ever broken a hand? | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| I broke my arm once. | ||
| I remember I was a little kid and I had it in a cast. | ||
| I was like, God, I had to learn how to write with my left hand. | ||
| And it really sunk in my head. | ||
| It's good for strokes, though. | ||
| If you're ambidextrous, it lowers your chance of having a stroke. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| My uncle is an anesthetist or anesthesiologist. | ||
| And he was like, dude, just write your name with your left hand a lot. | ||
| And he said that there's something about that that keeps the neuroplasticity better. | ||
| Is it only writing your name? | ||
| Is it only writing or other things as well? | ||
| I think it's just having the skill hand switch. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| That's funny you said because they say that that's one of the best ways to get good at a skill is to practice it with your opposite side. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| Yeah, like they say that with striking, that when you learn how to strike, say like if you stand orthodox means your left hand is forward. | ||
| When I say striking, I mean martial arts. | ||
| When you stand with your left hand forward, usually guys do that because they're powerful in their right hand. | ||
| But if they switched it, like if you're a right-handed person and you put the power, the back hand in the left side, it comes out super awkward. | ||
| Like, to me, to this day, I've been doing martial arts most of my life, and my left hand is just straight dog shit. | ||
| If I have to just throw a left hand in the back, it looks so awkward and clunky, but my right hand is pretty stout. | ||
| Yeah, for piano, it's like that with the melody. | ||
| Like, I try to play songs where the melody is on the left hand, and it's so hard that I have to almost relearn piano. | ||
| I would imagine. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, because like you're thinking in a language, right? | ||
| You almost don't think. | ||
| I played since I was so young, and it's so fast that you can't possibly think. | ||
| And so then, like, sometimes I'll forget the way like a box song's going, and it's almost like that South Park with Cartman, like you have to start from the beginning. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because I don't know how to just jump in because I don't, it's just, it's just instinct. | ||
| I don't even know what I'm doing. | ||
| Well, you're the only argument for keeping the piano on stage, the improv. | ||
| Me and Craig Robinson. | ||
| But Craig Robinson sometimes brings keyboards with him places. | ||
| That's a good point. | ||
| You're not really a bring a keyboard on the road guy, are you? | ||
| If they don't have a piano, no, usually they provide it, but every now and then they just won't. | ||
| They're like, they just do. | ||
| Do you rent one when you're in town or how do you work it? | ||
| Like the improvs and funny buns usually do that, but if I'm doing like an obscure club, they'll be like, well, it's a contract, you know? | ||
| And I don't mind because I just usually go to like Best Buy or something, and then I'll either return it or give it to a kid or something. | ||
| It's funny when someone just doesn't honor a contract. | ||
| I had a guy once. | ||
| And they think you're the dick for it. | ||
| I had a club once and like specifically we laid out that everyone has to have a seat. | ||
| You can't have standing room like in the back of this place. | ||
| And he was like, well, then you're going to make less money. | ||
| I'm like, that's okay because this way at least I know the show will be good. | ||
| Like I went to see Doug Stanhope, me and a couple friends. | ||
| And it was at a place where I had to stand a long time ago. | ||
| And I remember going, oh, this blows. | ||
| Like, this isn't even half as good as sitting down. | ||
| It's terrible. | ||
| So from then on, like, I used to go to House of Blues. | ||
| Those were infamous for it. | ||
| They'd have a big seating area in the front, and then to the sides, they'd have this open bar area. | ||
| And you would just go on stage like talking at a bar. | ||
| I mean, it was like people were just talking. | ||
| And they're moving. | ||
| They're standing. | ||
| Look, and you can do that, by the way. | ||
| You can get into that road gig mentality and go up there, but it's a different thing. | ||
| The road gig mentality, you got to be prepared for the road gig. | ||
| Yeah, you have to be prepared for not getting crowd consent. | ||
| Yeah, you just. | ||
| You know, and I like a lot of crowd consent where I'm like, listen, you got to kiss back or we can't do doggy. | ||
| You also have to be willing to, you have to understand that there's going to be like randoms. | ||
| John, you want beer? | ||
| You want a shot? | ||
| Totally. | ||
| You're going to hear that. | ||
| You're going to hear that in the middle of punchlines, setups. | ||
| If there's anything that requires quiet, like there's any like weird bit where you have like a long pause, like throw that bit out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Nuance. | ||
| I can't do nuance. | ||
| That ain't going to work. | ||
| But you could do it. | ||
| But anyway, this guy, he just said, well, I could sell more tickets this way. | ||
| I got there. | ||
| We make this work out, right? | ||
| Sign the contracts, the whole deal. | ||
| I get there. | ||
| People are standing. | ||
| I mean, like hundreds of people. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I go, what the fuck, dude? | ||
| And he goes, well, you know, when blah, blah, blah plays here, you know, she always lets people stand in the back. | ||
| I go, what does that mean? | ||
| We have a contract. | ||
| I go, you know, we had a contract, right? | ||
| And he just looks at me. | ||
| And I go, come on, man. | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| This is his excuse. | ||
| He's like, but you get more money. | ||
| He just looked at me. | ||
| He's like, we're here. | ||
| We're doing the show. | ||
| This is what we did. | ||
| I sold extra tickets. | ||
| I fucked you. | ||
| It's everybody. | ||
| Oh, you motherfucker. | ||
| You're like, I'm not motivated by the same shit as you, man. | ||
| I want the audience to have a good experience. | ||
| You just want more cash. | ||
| Yeah, we still made plenty of money. | ||
| We're still, we're talking about the difference between like, I think it was like 300 to 500 seats. | ||
| So 300 seats seating or he can do 500 and he has 200 standing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But they filled the whole back of this area because he had a big bar area, like a big, long area, a whole back area to it, too. | ||
| It's mostly a place they have bands. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know, so I've eaten shit with standing only because I didn't make the adjustment pre-show. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| You know, so in my mind, I'm like, I'm doing stand-up comedy. | ||
| And then I go out there and I'm like, I should be a Pink Foy cover band tonight. | ||
| And I'm like, who wants to hear the wall? | ||
| You got to have a different kind of energy. | ||
| You have almost like a carnival barker energy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Like, you got to get those people interested and paying attention. | ||
| Yeah, like when I was a Renaissance fair heckler in high school, that was my job, like in a, in a stock. | ||
| And people would pay money to throw tomatoes at me. | ||
| So it was all just figuring out what someone's vulnerability was and just exploiting it. | ||
| And just, it was carnival barking. | ||
| I was working with only the guy's name was Boob and he was a boob, full name, legal, I think. | ||
| And he was a just gypsies. | ||
| They're all gypsies. | ||
| And I was just trying to beat the joust. | ||
| And I'd get big crowds because it was all about letting them win occasionally because you couldn't just be like, oh, that tomato didn't hurt. | ||
| You have to be like humiliated. | ||
| Right, right, right. | ||
| Even play it up, right? | ||
| Dude, I'd get hammered and let him slap me in the face for like 20 bucks. | ||
| Yeah, dude, at 17, I'd drink mead and just be out. | ||
| Dude, you get hurt that way. | ||
| I know. | ||
| Dude knows how to slap good. | ||
| Well, there was this one level to that slap game. | ||
| But there was, yeah, like there'd be like a biker. | ||
| It'd be like, no, I'm going to throw a rock. | ||
| And I'm like, shit. | ||
| And I'd run in the cornfield. | ||
| Ooh, that's not good. | ||
| Some people can knock you the fuck out with a slap. | ||
| Well, yeah, what do you want to slap? | ||
| It'd be like just some dickhead. | ||
| But you never know who that dickhead is. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| That's super dicky. | ||
| Like the Diaz brothers. | ||
| You're like, oh, you're a normal guy. | ||
| Oh, you're the toughest dude in the world. | ||
| Yeah, you do not want them slapping you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Especially if they know they're going to slap you. | ||
| It's not like an instinct. | ||
| Like in the middle, you said something stupid to them and they're like, what? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'll smash them. | |
| If they line up, but if they line up and get ready. | ||
| What is this guy doing? | ||
| He's letting the guy slap him? | ||
| Are they having a slap on? | ||
| Oh, come on. | ||
| These go are pretty big on the internet. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Everyone gets knocked out. | ||
| People get knocked the fuck out. | ||
| That guy just got KO'd. | ||
| Because this guy hit him right on the jaw. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bam. | |
| Oh, wait a minute. | ||
| So who went first? | ||
| This was first. | ||
| I kind of went first. | ||
| And so the second guy KO'd him? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's even more impressive. | ||
| He took a shot. | ||
| Watch this. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| That dude's out fucking cold. | ||
| I hope there was a mat behind him or someone to catch him. | ||
| Probably not. | ||
| Is that less head drama just because it's the little button on your neck? | ||
| No, it still shakes the brain. | ||
| That's terrible. | ||
| Like, that guy's brain got jolted there. | ||
| His neck spun around. | ||
| His brain sloshed back and forth inside. | ||
| I'm so screwed. | ||
| I'm going to get all that shit when I'm older from the tomatoes. | ||
| You probably will a little, for real. | ||
| How many tomatoes do you think hit you? | ||
| A thousand a day. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Boo. | |
| Oh, no. | ||
| They miss a lot. | ||
| That somebody was thrown. | ||
| I was hit hard, maybe, but I never got knocked out. | ||
| I want to talk to you about this. | ||
| Do you think that that might have something to do with why you're impulsive? | ||
| You're very impulsive. | ||
| I think. | ||
| In a good way. | ||
| I think you're hilarious. | ||
| But you say some shit online on Twitter. | ||
| You're fucking super impulsive. | ||
| I laugh at it. | ||
| I'm like, this dude just goes for it. | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| I think it's just like the art of it. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| There's an art to it. | ||
| There is an art to saying fucked up shit. | ||
| And that's one of the things I really appreciate about you. | ||
| You're a very smart guy, but you also appreciate the art of saying fucked up shit. | ||
| It's one of the things that we do. | ||
| And it doesn't get respected enough. | ||
| Because especially today, man, you are fucking dancing a fine line between razor blades and crocodiles. | ||
| Like who you offend today. | ||
|
unidentified
|
People are just super, super cally-outy. | |
| And I just got a bullhorn sometimes. | ||
| I just felt like, I don't know, I just wanted to keep comedy going, man, for myself. | ||
| I didn't want to, I just think our job is to not have a line. | ||
| You know, I try to be kind. | ||
| I don't want to like, but at the same time, it's like, I have to figure, like, our job is hyperbole. | ||
| Like, we work in a like truth dungeon. | ||
| And it's like, my thing is I might be wrong, but I'm not lying. | ||
| And I'm wrong a lot, but in the moment. | ||
| Yeah, I think what's super important is that you made a real good distinction, that you try not to be cruel. | ||
| And I exactly, I do too. | ||
| And sometimes you miss, right? | ||
| And that's another thing about this working without a net shit. | ||
| Boy, sometimes you miss. | ||
| Sometimes you say something you shouldn't have said, especially in live shows. | ||
| You try, you just, the impulse comes into your mind and you go for it. | ||
| But under careful consideration, if you sat down and thought about it for a few minutes, you're like, oh, no, I can't do this bit because of this and that. | ||
| What if people misconstrue? | ||
| What if someone took it out of contest? | ||
| What if someone doesn't understand that this is what I'm doing? | ||
| I'm just pushing buttons to people who know I'm pushing buttons. | ||
| I'm not trying to be cruel. | ||
| You have like they're in the game versus just random casualties. | ||
| And also, I think the outrage Ponzi scheme people, I don't even care. | ||
| I don't even care. | ||
| Like, I think a lot of people feign outrage because they don't understand, but they still want to retain power. | ||
| But then there's people that actually, like, I'll hurt them. | ||
| And that's when I'm like, oh no, did I, because my problem is every now and then I'll reverse virtue signaling where it's almost like I'll go farther intense than I normally would have because I'm trying to counteract virtue signaling. | ||
| And then I'm like, well, I'm throwing a punch at someone that other people don't even might not see. | ||
| And then now I just am a crazy. | ||
| Yeah, super aggressive. | ||
| I've been talking about that a lot about Trump, that I think that all these people attacking Trump in many ways, they actually kind of ramp up his behavior. | ||
| Yeah, it's the, have you read Black, Redneck, White, a Liberal by Thomas Sowell? | ||
| No. | ||
| It's unbelievable. | ||
| Did we bring this up the last? | ||
| Why do I feel? | ||
| Maybe, I think. | ||
| Maybe someone else did. | ||
| Well, Callan recommended it to me. | ||
| It might have been him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It might have been him. | ||
| Callan is like one of the most well-read guys I know. | ||
| It's unreal. | ||
| He's just always reading books. | ||
| Yeah, and he's getting into wine, which is one of the hardest hobbies. | ||
| I can't do that. | ||
| I can't either. | ||
| There's not enough time this time. | ||
| I'm like, this tastes like PBR. | ||
| Shit, my foot. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fucking X. But I can't. | |
| PBR has a wonderful flavor of its own. | ||
| I love PBR. | ||
| If PBR was really respected as some light ale from Germany, if you got a good batch of PBR, you're like, wow, it's got a weird sort of aluminum-y taste. | ||
| It sounds like it's Paps. | ||
| Like they do the condescending pronunciation like they know it, Mark. | ||
| Listen, Pap's blue ribbon with some fucking stone crabs and some butter and maybe some fries with a lot of salt on them. | ||
| Come on, son. | ||
| It's nothing better. | ||
| I mean, look, it's not the same kind of beer. | ||
| People are flavor snobs. | ||
| Like, they want you to be into IPAs. | ||
| Are you into IPAs? | ||
| Can you handle the bitter? | ||
| What about caviar? | ||
| Do you like stuff that tastes like shit? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And they used to feed lobsters to prisoners, like, not that long ago. | ||
| Well, dude, lobsters are goddamn delicious. | ||
| They are delicious, but it's like, who gets to make the call? | ||
| Well, you know what the difference is? | ||
| Lobsters with and without butter. | ||
| That's the difference. | ||
| Because butter is so good. | ||
| But with butter and lobster, butter makes some shit just way better. | ||
| And one of the things it makes way better is lobster. | ||
|
unidentified
|
For sure. | |
| There's no goddamn question. | ||
| And lobsters are, you know, it's essentially a bug. | ||
| It's a big old bug. | ||
| Yeah, it's a giant beetle. | ||
| Just this shit-eating beetle. | ||
| They're not much different than bugs that walk around on the surface of the earth. | ||
| They're just water bugs. | ||
| And I think we also like the task of like cracking and splitting it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So, you know, it's like artichokes take some deliciousness right there. | |
| Some crabs. | ||
| What kind of crabs are those, Jamie? | ||
| They look goddamn good, though. | ||
| Except in PBR and crabs. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| A paps blue ribbon can. | ||
| There's nothing there. | ||
| Some crabs with spice on the outside and lemon. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa! | |
| An IPA can take you for a turn. | ||
| Like my wife, this is like, here, have some, because I usually come in, like if I get a little buzz, I'll come in, you know, and she wanted to hang and I'm out there just drinking and staring at a fire. | ||
| And she gave me this IPA called Dogfish, and it's 18% alcohol. | ||
| And like three beers in, I'm like blacked out. | ||
| Because I was just drinking them like beers. | ||
| And I'm like, oh, three beers, now come in. | ||
| That's so unnecessary. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It was like, it's like spiking someone. | ||
| I was like roofied. | ||
| But here's the thing. | ||
| Like you, it's, you can't, this is one of my, I had a bit about this, about my problem with pot gummy bears. | ||
| One of the problems is it looks like a regular fucking gummy bear. | ||
| And my brain thinks, oh, I could just fucking eat the shit out of those. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| If I got gummy bears, I can eat five or ten of them. | ||
| False representation can just jack your world. | ||
| There's a video I put on Instagram of Lee Syat. | ||
| Have you seen that video? | ||
| One by one design put it up, and he's got a video that they took from Joey Diaz, the church of what's happening now. | ||
| And Lee Syat is literally the physical example that you would use of someone who's too high. | ||
| If someone says, what's too high? | ||
| You're like, this, this is too high. | ||
| Like, look at him there. | ||
| He's got his eyes closed. | ||
| Give me some volume, Jamie. | ||
| They're all talking. | ||
| They're playing some music. | ||
| And look at him. | ||
| Look at him. | ||
| Look at his eyes fading in out. | ||
| By the way, he knew he was supposed to be at the podcast. | ||
| It's not like they woke him up to do a podcast. | ||
| He left the camera on himself, too, I think. | ||
| Yeah, he left the camera on himself, and he's just, he's so paranoid right now. | ||
| He's freaking the fuck out. | ||
| Look, he throws his head back. | ||
| He's like, Jesus, I can't do this anymore. | ||
| I can't work with you, Joey Diaz. | ||
| I can't work with you. | ||
| I can't work with you. | ||
| Joey Diaz, he's just thinking right now, demons, just waiting for him to close his eyes and go to sleep. | ||
| I can't give into the demons. | ||
| He can just see them over him, just scratching at the ceiling. | ||
| Just waiting for the lights to turn out and his eyelids to close and they're going to go through his fucking mouth and penetrate his body. | ||
| And I've been that exact guy on that exact podcast. | ||
| Yeah, Joey Goff. | ||
| Jimmy the star, yeah. | ||
| And I was, I just, I couldn't handle it, man. | ||
| He's a different animal. | ||
| I love that dude. | ||
| He's the best. | ||
| But he's a different animal. | ||
| You can't, you know, don't, don't try to outdo him ever. | ||
| I was just trying to hang. | ||
| He was the one. | ||
| He had mercy on me, which I thought was incredible because I'm like, yeah, let me just grab another one of those stars to death. | ||
| And he's like, no way, doc. | ||
| You're going to fucking die. | ||
| I'm trying to be nice to you. | ||
| But like what you said about the gummy bears, it's like, yeah, it's almost like the false representation is the thing I don't like more than the representation itself. | ||
| And that's why I get like so pissed about certain scandals because someone's a hypocrite versus other ones where I'm like, oh man, I feel bad for that guy. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I know what you're saying. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And did you see here the podcast I had the other day with Jamie Kilstein? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| He's a good dude, man. | ||
| The way he came clean about all that stuff and just talked about how it all got away from him as like a social justice warrior and describing in like really honest and I think super brave the way he described like this charge that he would get after going after someone and calling someone a racist and getting other people to go after him and trying to get him fired. | ||
| Dude, it gave me a good perspective on myself. | ||
| It's like the concept of the attack dog, where it's this like understood thing where you're going to attack for the group. | ||
| And then it's like, then you start seeking approval from strangers and how much of it is actually your own opinion at that point. | ||
| And that's a very, very profound thing to think about. | ||
| We have a series, our brain is filled with like this series of reward systems that are in place, right? | ||
| Like there's a need for approval from the tribe. | ||
| There's the need for, you know, to sexually reproduce. | ||
| There's the need to accomplish tasks. | ||
| There's a need to avoid predation. | ||
| And we have all these reward systems, right? | ||
| Where like your body and your organism will reward you with a positive feeling for reinforcing some of the patterns of behavior that are necessary for survival. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Right. | ||
| Like the ability to run away from something when you're scared. | ||
| When you get scared and you freak out, that is a jolt of go juice, right? | ||
| Yeah, you buy that Geico insurance. | ||
| Fuck, you're ready to run, man. | ||
| Have you ever been like legitimately scared for your life and had that feeling? | ||
| Fuck yeah, man. | ||
| It's terrifying, right? | ||
| And that's more powerful than desire. | ||
| And I think that's one thing we're facing right now as a society because it's like just planes of Africa running from a lion versus towards a banana. | ||
| Like what's crazier? | ||
| So I think that that's a way to like supercharge a population into buying a bunch of dumb shit. | ||
| Well, I actually think this is a very important point that I think a lot of us, it takes a long time to realize is that these reward systems that we have set up, right? | ||
| Like these patterns that feel good to follow through with, like, you know, the way we handle conflict and especially like the need to push yourself and stress yourself out, like some sort of physical way by exercise. | ||
| I really feel like that those things, like if you can help them, like if you could give them their fuel in a positive way, you don't get any of the negative aspects of it, but you get the positive aspects of it. | ||
| Because like, especially like the physical one. | ||
| I really believe this from my own experiences. | ||
| We all have physical requirements for movement. | ||
| And we don't give those physical requirements. | ||
| We don't feed the body correctly with those movements. | ||
| And what happens is it gets angst and it gets weird. | ||
| And your body gets freaked out and it starts getting fat. | ||
| It starts feeling like shit. | ||
| And one of the reasons why it's not functioning right is because we didn't properly manage movement, like making sure your body is getting exercise. | ||
| Like put some stress on it so that it can recover and be stronger and maintain a certain level of strength. | ||
| Because if you don't put any stress on it, it stops working. | ||
| And if it stops working, you start sagging and deteriorating. | ||
| And here's the big one. | ||
| Maybe you're an intellectual. | ||
| Maybe you don't want to have anything to do with physical stuff because you think of it as a base thing. | ||
| That fucking body has a giant influence on your mind. | ||
| It absolutely is. | ||
| There's no separation. | ||
| There's no separation. | ||
| And it is just a discipline issue and there's nothing else. | ||
| I'm not saying you should be a bodybuilder. | ||
| I'm not saying you should go out there and fucking run marathons or do anything even that are super stressful, but do some sit-ups, do some push-ups, do some chin-ups if you can, do some running up hills, pick up some heavy stuff, move it around and do it regularly. | ||
| Do it all the time. | ||
| And do it even if you have no desire whatsoever to look good naked. | ||
| Just do it to make your body last longer. | ||
| It's natural antidepressant. | ||
| Like I used to live in the Czech Republic and there's no gyms there. | ||
| What were you doing there? | ||
| Studying history. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And there's no gyms and I would like, I didn't feel safe in certain areas jogging because it was just intense. | ||
| So I would just jump up and down. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| I would play like disco or something and just manically jump up and down and I'd feel awesome. | ||
| I had this dumb idea once a few years back. | ||
| I was like, well, if you just jumped all the time and you kept jumping, wouldn't you get better at jumping? | ||
| Like, wouldn't you, like, you get stronger at stuff? | ||
| It's a matter of like how many reps you do. | ||
| Like, how high could you wind up jumping? | ||
| Is there a point of no return? | ||
| Dude, you're talking to a 6'7 guy who can't dunk, who's jumped a lot to try and get up there. | ||
| I think I can get really good at long distance running, but I don't have the twitch to go up. | ||
| And I've tried, man. | ||
| Well, I've built like a cement potato. | ||
| I can't jump at all. | ||
| I can't jump for shit, man. | ||
| Very little ups. | ||
| I could endure. | ||
| I saw a video yesterday of the highest jump I've ever seen by a guy that didn't look that tall. | ||
| His top of his head, you know, the vertical slash thing? | ||
| He hit the top one. | ||
| That's unreal. | ||
| Like monkey bugs and spikes. | ||
| I saw that video. | ||
| Yeah, I've saw this one dude that was practicing on those. | ||
| You ever see those plyo bags? | ||
| They're plyo boxes, but the top of them is like a very soft foam. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Smushy, so they can. | ||
| This guy was jumping those, and it looked like there was wires attached to his hips. | ||
| I'm like, what are they doing? | ||
| They're yanking him up to the sky? | ||
| He was jumping like six feet straight up in the air and landing on these things. | ||
| Like, wait a minute. | ||
| People can do that? | ||
| It's like you have jump privilege. | ||
| Oh, look at this guy. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| That must feel so awesome. | ||
| That guy is, that's a four-foot vertical, right? | ||
| Is that a four-foot vertical? | ||
| I'm not sure. | ||
| I don't know the exact height of the top of the backboard. | ||
| I know. | ||
| The highest vertical that anybody's ever jumped. | ||
| If you had a guess. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Let's take a look. | |
| 51 inches. | ||
| That's a good guess. | ||
| I'll say 53 just for the fuck of it, but just based on your guess being really good. | ||
| An awesome thing you do for people is you motivate people to learn new shit, which is crucial for neuroplasticity. | ||
| I'm very happy that I do that, but I only do it because I'm interested in it myself. | ||
| Dude, you got me into show. | ||
| I'm like, God, look at this dude. | ||
| 60? | ||
| So you got it. | ||
| You got it, bro. | ||
| God damn. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nice. | |
| Leonel Marshall. | ||
| He's a Cuban professional volleyball player and is said to have a 50-inch vertical jump. | ||
| The next guy is Zador Ziani. | ||
| He's a professional dunker with Slam Nation. | ||
| Didn't know it exists. | ||
| And is said to hold a world record in the vertical at 60 inches. | ||
| Okay, here's what I don't like. | ||
| Is said. | ||
| Is said is used twice. | ||
| It's like legendary. | ||
| That's either some shitty journalism or you're not telling me the truth. | ||
| You're just telling me some rumor bullshit. | ||
| Well, that's like, here's a matter of getting it on tape, I guess. | ||
| So here's a 63 inch box, John. | ||
| That's not vertical. | ||
| Whatever the fuck it is, man. | ||
| Don't diminish this man's accomplishment. | ||
| No, I'm not, but I mean. | ||
| Shut up, Jamie. | ||
| I know what you're doing. | ||
| I want to see this guy do it. | ||
| Hold on. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I want to see this guy do it. | |
| This is insane. | ||
| He's really going to jump that high? | ||
| That's over his head. | ||
| 63 inches. | ||
| That's fucking... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Here he goes. | |
| Oh my god. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh my God. | |
| That's fucking insane. | ||
| What's that dude's name, Ryan Moody? | ||
| Or is he no Evan Unger? | ||
| 63.5 inch box jump world record. | ||
| Hold on, go back, please. | ||
| May 13, 2016. | ||
| That dude's a beast. | ||
| That's ridiculous. | ||
| By the way, put that energy into something positive, son. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Just jumping up on rubber tires. | |
| You could have been the CEO of a billion-dollar company, kid. | ||
| You get some serious focus. | ||
| Instead, you're putting all your interest on jumping high. | ||
| That's like lacrosse. | ||
| It's gotta be away. | ||
| It's lacrosse. | ||
| It's gotta be the one to jump highest. | ||
| Okay, you did it. | ||
| You've proven. | ||
| Now, move forth. | ||
| Yeah, there's no ball in. | ||
| There's no pro in box jumping. | ||
| It goes back to the lacrosse. | ||
| Yeah, like you said, it goes back to lacrosse. | ||
| Look, man, you're talking to a dude who spent most of his young days doing taekwondo. | ||
| There's very few things. | ||
| Yeah, but you got that kick torque. | ||
| Kick torque, yeah, but I'm saying, like, as far as putting your energy into something that you could do with your life. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Oh, dude, I was a history major. | ||
| I'm the guy that all I have is like, kind of like Constantine. | ||
| Can I get more drinks? | ||
| Like, what the hell does that get me? | ||
| I always love those guys at the bar that know way more than me. | ||
| Like, what? | ||
| Hold on. | ||
| What book? | ||
| Right, right, right. | ||
| It was always like some obscure bartender who could tell you some crazy shit about Napoleon. | ||
| You're like, wait a minute. | ||
| Like, we were talking about Napoleon before. | ||
| Like, Napoleon wasn't short. | ||
| He was short like for today, but he's an inch shorter than me. | ||
| He's 5'7, which is very tall for a person who's starving to death. | ||
| Which is what everybody was back then. | ||
| Like, nobody got good food. | ||
| It's like North Korea is now. | ||
| It's like South Korea and North Korea. | ||
| The height difference is like massive. | ||
| It's so sad, man. | ||
| You know, you look at all those little people from like the Civil War days. | ||
| You know, Civil War days, an average man was like 130 pounds. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They're like little tiny fellas. | ||
| Yeah, you see the uniforms in like a museum and it just looks like smurfs. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| You know, it's all just about food. | ||
| It's about nutrients. | ||
| You know, it's a dark thing to think of that this is. | ||
| Cheers, my brother. | ||
|
unidentified
|
One more time. | |
| Cheers, man. | ||
| Thanks for having me, brother. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| Thanks for being here. | ||
| It's a dark thing to think that nutrients held back the physical development of people. | ||
| They had so little food that they weren't growing right. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's so crazy. | ||
| It's not like they were, you know, like they were supposed to be that small. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| This guy's a giant. | ||
| Common soldier. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| According to historian Bell I. Wiley, who pioneered the study of the Civil War, common soldier, the average Yank or Reb was a white native-born farmer, protested single between 18 and 29. | ||
| He stood about 5 foot, 8 inches tall, weighed 143 pounds. | ||
| Okay, that's not as small as I thought. | ||
| Yeah, because that's average now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I got a lot of people. | |
| I thought they were like 5'5, and I think they were saying that the average weight was like 125 pounds, but the average height was like much smaller. | ||
| Maybe it wasn't the Civil War. | ||
| Maybe it was the War of 1812. | ||
| I think Civil War, I mean, we were on a dollar a day in today's money until like 1890. | ||
| Like they were broke, man. | ||
| I mean, my mom, her parents had a dirt floor. | ||
| It's like dirt. | ||
| My parents were born in America, but my grandparents came over to America from Italy when they were really young. | ||
| Like I think my grandpa was before the teenage years. | ||
| You know, he was telling me about the brutality of life on a farm when you're poor during the Depression. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, about how he learned to kill rabbits with his bare hands. | ||
| You know, how like he would explain to me, he'd snap a rabbit's neck and you're looking in the guy's eyes that didn't know whether or not members of his family would starve to death. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Like this, there was a different world back then, man. | ||
| Steaks. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No one's worried about pronouns. | ||
| My grandfather was a very kind and gentle man, sort of belied like almost the rest of my family and his start in life because he, you know, he was born during a very, very, very difficult time. | ||
| And he was just a really kind man who liked to read books. | ||
| He was like the gentle one of my family. | ||
| That's so cool. | ||
| I lived with him when I was just moving to New York, when I had to leave Boston. | ||
| And I got a manager. | ||
| And my manager lived in New York, who I'm still with to this day. | ||
| And I was like barely out of the open mic days. | ||
| And I couldn't afford to live in New York by myself. | ||
| I tried to figure it out like how much money I had, like very little saved up. | ||
| And I basically just went to New York with my car and some clothes. | ||
| And my grandpa let me stay at his place. | ||
| And it was weird, man, because my grandmother was dying. | ||
| She had a stroke, and they gave her 72 hours, and she lived for 12 years. | ||
| Nice. | ||
| They thought she was going to be dead. | ||
| They're like, you say your goodbyes, get the family to fly to her. | ||
| You know, she really, she had a bad aneurysm. | ||
| And she lived forever. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's crazy. | |
| So your grandpa took care of her? | ||
| He took care of her. | ||
| And I was living with the two of them while that was going on. | ||
| So like while I was going this transition in my life, like the most exciting thing, like literally that's ever happened to me, I get this like real legit manager. | ||
| And I start thinking, maybe I can actually do this. | ||
| Like maybe I can actually be a comic. | ||
| Because like when I was living in Boston, I was like doing all sorts of other jobs. | ||
| And I was never like a professional. | ||
| I never had a full, like, I never had enough work where I could 100% be a comic. | ||
| And I'd only been doing it for like three years. | ||
| So I was just grinding, constantly grinding, doing a bunch of different day jobs. | ||
| And so when this opportunity came, I was like, holy shit, I can't believe this is real. | ||
| And as like my life was starting to go into this crazy place, I spent a good solid three months, maybe four, living with my grandfather while my grandmother was dying. | ||
| And that's where I lived. | ||
| So I'd come home with them and talk to them all the time. | ||
| And they lived in a neighborhood that used to be a predominantly Italian-American neighborhood in Newark. | ||
| But it deteriorated slowly but surely until it was like a really, it went from black people. | ||
| This is like, they did a thing called blockbusting. | ||
| You ever heard that story? | ||
| You know what blockbusting is? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| They're trying to get them out. | ||
| Yeah, they're trying to. | ||
| They did that, where they would move into neighborhoods. | ||
| And I don't know like whether or not it was true or they were doing it to capitalize on something that was true or whether they instigated it. | ||
| But they would essentially go door to door and they would say, black people are moving in. | ||
| Sell your house now. | ||
| And most of my grandparents' families around them sold their house. | ||
| And my grandfather was like, I like black people. | ||
| Fuck off. | ||
| Totally. | ||
| And he just shut his door. | ||
| That's awesome, man. | ||
| My grandfather was one of those guys, as long as he has a gate and there's a lock on the gate, like everything's good in the world. | ||
| And he had, like, so when I would visit him, like, he had neighbors, like the next door neighbor right next door got arrested for selling crack. | ||
| This kid had an Audi parked in the driveway. | ||
| They broke through his house with a battering ram. | ||
| That was like right before I moved in. | ||
| I was like, whoa, this is crazy. | ||
| That's awesome, man. | ||
| Yeah, but I was watching their transition to death, essentially, and my transition to life at the same time. | ||
| Yeah, I had something somewhat similar. | ||
| I mean, that's, to me right now, like, that's so profound because like now that I'm like, I have a family and thinking about my wife and you watch the notebook and you're like, holy shit. | ||
| But like my best friend died on my birthday, like the year I was out here snowboarding. | ||
| And it was right as I got like punked and like the show punked. | ||
| And he like is the one who got me into stand-up. | ||
| And it was like, that was so bittersweet, man. | ||
| It was like, it was like the fragility of life as you're given this weird ego shot just was like, it was so intense. | ||
| Yeah, a good friend of mine died of an overdose. | ||
| Same thing. | ||
| He died of an overdose like really, I'd say, I got to say I was out here maybe three or four years. | ||
| He died, maybe five at the most. | ||
| I spent New Year's Eve, Y2K, on the phone with him because we were wondering whether or not the world would end. | ||
| And we were just having fun and laughing. | ||
| And then he died. | ||
| He died of a drug overdose. | ||
| And I found out about it like secondhand. | ||
| Somebody found out about it through somebody else. | ||
| And they called me up and they asked me if I heard. | ||
| And I said, what happened? | ||
| Are you sure? | ||
| And they said, yeah, they found his body in a hotel room. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And I went, oh, Unreal. | |
| It was rough. | ||
| It was rough. | ||
| That was the hardest one. | ||
| Next to my grandpa, that was the hardest one. | ||
| Phil Hartman was pretty goddamn hard, too. | ||
| That was a hard one. | ||
| That was a hard one. | ||
| I recently lost a guy to heroin. | ||
| He was a vet, and it was like, and you saw it coming, but it was tragic because his PTSD was so bad, but he was like, dude, his story was a, he was a D1 baseball player, had everything going for him. | ||
| His dad dies. | ||
| He wants to join the Marines. | ||
| He's unbelievable at being a sniper. | ||
| You know, they go through hell in Afghanistan. | ||
| He gets on heroin, ends up in my town. | ||
| We become like best friends, him with my brother, because like a lot of vets want to do tree work because they need that. | ||
| Every man needs a purpose, you know? | ||
| And it's like a lack of purpose for like true warrior hero types is death. | ||
| And so like that extreme nature of climbing up trees and hauling lumber and stuff, we'd all do it together. | ||
| And that's why you also like comedy because the honesty of it, you know, the dude shot tons and tons of people. | ||
| So it's like that feeling of constant judgment and guilt and pride and guilt. | ||
| Comedy was like a relief for him. | ||
| And then he just died of heroin, man. | ||
| It was like, you get this, because, you know, I got him a gym membership and all this shit. | ||
| And we were all like rooting for him because he's this beautiful man. | ||
| But like, there's just moral injuries that just can take a toll. | ||
| And that was brutal. | ||
| Yeah, there's some injuries of the mind that are probably more devastating than injuries to the body. | ||
| You know, and I think that's one of the things that we overlook what we can't see. | ||
| We think about what we can see, like, oh, that guy got shot in his shoulder. | ||
| But we don't look at, oh, Owen watched 10 people die in a fire. | ||
| You know, like, we don't think of that as an injury. | ||
| But I mean, think about like the thing, I've had some friends that are paramedics. | ||
| They'll tell you like accidents that they roll up on, suicides that they roll up on. | ||
| And it's just, after a while, you're like, oh, my God, you feel so vulnerable. | ||
| And one of the things that he said is like a lot of people that do that work are like very sexually promiscuous. | ||
| That they just don't give a fuck. | ||
| Yeah, and they also develop dark humor, gallows humor. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, like my buddy Quinn from the Impractical Jokers used to be a New York City firefighter. | ||
| And so we did one of my podcasts together. | ||
| I mean, we've been friends since MySpace. | ||
| I mean, these guys are salt to the earth, man. | ||
| They're the fucking greatest dudes. | ||
| That's a great statement. | ||
| We've been friends since MySpace. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Legit. | |
| We used to write each other about our sketches and shit. | ||
| And it's like, that dude has seen just kids torched, you know, and he's like, and they had to joke about it. | ||
| If not, you're going to just blow your brains out. | ||
| Yeah, and then you come home to your own family, you know? | ||
| Yeah, it's like, look at England after World War II. | ||
| It's like, I think that's what spawned so much great music, so much great art is, you know, their dads all died, man. | ||
| And it's like, and their cities are getting bombed. | ||
| And out of that comes this like desire to live in the moment and to just be able to stay and do whatever the fuck you can before you die. | ||
| I think you're totally right. | ||
| I think that's the case with Roman art as well, right? | ||
| I mean, why was there so much artistic expression back then? | ||
| Why were people so determined to put their emotions down on canvas? | ||
| Those emotions were like hurricanes swirling in your brain, visions of people getting cut in half by swords and arrows piercing sternums, and people choking you to death on their own blood and fucking hordes of barbarians coming over the top of the hill with horses swinging axes. | ||
| Like, whoa, that was real shit back then. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And I'm like, someone with a boot check mark is mad at me. | |
| And back then, people were just getting their fucking heads chopped off. | ||
| And, you know, I've been thinking about this a lot lately with this Kevin Spacey thing. | ||
| Pedophilia is horrific. | ||
| We all agree. | ||
| It's terrifying. | ||
| It's so devastating because as we were talking about before, if someone gets shot, you could see the wound. | ||
| If someone gets raped by an actor when they're 12 years old, like, how do you fix that, right? | ||
| What is that? | ||
| What kind of psychic wound is that? | ||
| And what I was thinking is, it's really fascinating to me that we pretty much acknowledge that pederasts were commonplace in the 15th century, the 12th century, the 13th century, the 14th century, way, way into the 1800s. | ||
| And then when you go with the Catholic Church, I mean, it is, if you're Catholic, shut your fucking iPhone off right now. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| No, but don't get yourself in the corner. | ||
| Don't get yourself in the corner. | ||
| Don't get your panties in that building. | ||
| Don't get your panties in a bundle. | ||
| It is a religion built on kid fucking. | ||
| It is a religion that has a giant history of that. | ||
| And it's because they wouldn't let the priests have families based on land ownership. | ||
| And some of these moves can take a beautiful religion and make it really dark. | ||
| Well, there was more than that. | ||
| It wasn't just that they didn't let them fuck women because they were goddamn rock stars. | ||
| The guys who held the Bible and could literally read it. | ||
| Right. | ||
| The average person could read Latin. | ||
| They're all reading German and all these different languages. | ||
| Like when Martin Luther, have you ever heard the prophets of doom? | ||
| Dan Carlin is one of my favorite fucking human beings that's ever lived. | ||
| And his podcast, Hardcore History, is a national treasure because I've learned more about history and more about like the Mongols and World War I and fucking everything. | ||
| But his podcast on Martin Luther and the first literal translations of the Bible that regular common folk could read. | ||
| They lost their minds. | ||
| They're like, Jesus was poor too? | ||
| Fuck you guys. | ||
| The peasant war has killed hundreds of thousands of people. | ||
| Imagine a world, folks, where until, what was like the 1500s? | ||
| Yeah, mid-15s. | ||
| It was around Gutenberg. | ||
| So that was like 1500s, mid-15s. | ||
| Find out when Martin Luther was slaying dick. | ||
| But the bottom line is what he had done was translate the Bible. | ||
| He's slaying a lot of dick. | ||
| Guarantee he wasn't doing this because he just wanted people to be free. | ||
| 1517. | ||
|
unidentified
|
1517. | |
| It's actually October 31st. | ||
| Oh, Jesus Christ. | ||
| It was yesterday, Jamie. | ||
| This is crazy. | ||
| Dude, it was after Sober October. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| 500 years ago. | ||
| By the way, I'm feeling toasty. | ||
| I feel so good right now. | ||
| I feel right back. | ||
| I was worried, man. | ||
| I was worried that if I smoked a joint, I would be like, oh, my God, I'm going to die. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| Goes out a worm of paranoia thinking about girls I fingered in high school. | ||
| For me, it's the edibles, man. | ||
| I smoke every now and then if there's someone I trust and I know and has good weebo, but like, it's the edibles and I'm like, this is just flesh. | ||
| Like that shit'll make. | ||
| It's real. | ||
| So this was the 1500s, 1515, is that what you said? | ||
| 15? | ||
| 17. | ||
| So think about that. | ||
| Like before then, that we're only talking, we're literally only talking about 500 years ago. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| It was the last information overload. | ||
| So think about 500 years in terms of the life of the human species is mere blip. | ||
| And one of the reasons why the Catholic Church was able to get away with just translating things to people where they couldn't read it is because that's how fucking everybody did it. | ||
| They all did it that way. | ||
| You would go to some place and some guy would tell you what the sacred stuff would be and you'd be like, okay, cool. | ||
| Like, how many people actually got a hold of it and read it all day and studied it and made sure there was no contradictions? | ||
| Why does this guy keep fucking my wife for Jesus? | ||
| Yeah, the Catholics were like the BuzzFeed. | ||
| They were banging everybody, I guarantee you. | ||
| They had money. | ||
| They were allowed to have wives. | ||
| Like, did you know that early popes ran armies? | ||
| Oh, yeah, dude. | ||
| They were nuts. | ||
| They had to go to France for a little while to like, you know, because they had so much heat on them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like, it was, because it's when it fused with Constantine. | |
| It's when it fused with the Roman Empire, you got that empire shit. | ||
| Because Christianity is a beautiful religion. | ||
| It's more like mellow and peaceful. | ||
| And then you got Constantine and the Roman Empire is falling apart. | ||
| And they wanted to get, you know, more favor of the people. | ||
| So they just fused the two together. | ||
| And they're like, you know, they got the popes going. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| They ran armies. | ||
| That was one of the things that happened, apparently. | ||
| There was a conflict. | ||
| I hope I'm not fucking this up. | ||
| It was from hardcore history. | ||
| There was a conflict where one of the earlier popes didn't want to send troops to fight Genghis Khan. | ||
| Like, there was a lot of confusion in the early days of Genghis Khan, because before If you heard it in the past, I apologize for repeating myself. | ||
| But the Wrath of Khan, Wrath of the Khan series of Dan Carlin's One of my favorite pieces of work, whether it's a comedy, a movie, one of my favorite creations ever. | ||
| It's Unreal. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| It literally changed my life. | ||
| It's like I got like a Harvard education after paying for a state education. | ||
| Well, you could have got it for free. | ||
| I know. | ||
| That's just a game. | ||
| And then if you want to get the Wrath of the Cons, you could just buy it on iTunes. | ||
| It's a dollar a show. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| It's so worth it. | ||
| And I think it's like each one of them is at least an hour and a half long. | ||
| Oh, some are five. | ||
| Yeah, like the Blitz are sick, too. | ||
| Get all of them. | ||
| That's the whole series, right? | ||
| The series is five, but not an individual podcast. | ||
| No, like the recent Blitz was over five about nuclear war. | ||
| And the whole podcast by itself is five hours. | ||
| Yeah, and then he just had the gothic genocide or the gothic holocaust. | ||
| That was another fiver. | ||
| He's so gangster. | ||
| And he, by the way, he does this all himself, folks. | ||
| He edits it all himself. | ||
| So like that dollar is so worth it. | ||
| And in my opinion, he's like one of the most people just don't know. | ||
| You know, you're not hearing about this on CNN. | ||
| You're not hearing about this on Fox News. | ||
| And it is a travesty. | ||
| It is one of the best ways for you to learn about history because you learn about it. | ||
| He gives you a broad, detailed sense of the time. | ||
| He does it in a very entertaining way that you want to keep tuning in and that those memories stick to your brain. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's an art. | |
| There's an art to saying things interesting. | ||
| And he has that old-timey. | ||
| Hey, you can get the whole series for $10. | ||
| It's so worth it. | ||
| That's one and a half beers, guys. | ||
| That's so worth it. | ||
| Where is that? | ||
| His website, dancarlin.com. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| But you can also order it on iTunes if you have, I don't have an Android phone, but if you have an iPhone, I do, but I don't use it. | ||
| But if you have an iPhone, you can order it on iTunes and it'll go straight to your podcast. | ||
| Yeah, and there's another one, The Ghost of the Oster Front. | ||
| Oh, and it's like, and he also has that old-timey voice, almost like the Joker, where he keeps you, where he's like, what is a monument? | ||
| And it's like, a field of bones. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| He's a great combination of entertainment, information, and humility. | ||
| He's like, I'm not a historian, but like, most of us think that the real, and then I'll just, the Anabaptists, you know, clearly when they purged God's wizard. | ||
| Wizard. | ||
| So important. | ||
| And I mean, I've talked about him many times in the past to a point where I backed off because, oh my God, I talked about Dan Carlin too much. | ||
| No, it was Brian Redband's the one who got me into it. | ||
| Because the only podcast I listened to yours, like maybe four years ago, like that was the only one I really had. | ||
| And I'm like, yo, Redband, what else should I listen to? | ||
| He just goes, and I think it was just so fucked up. | ||
| And he's still like, hardcore history, man. | ||
| And it was like, that just, it just set me off a journey. | ||
| You know what another great one is? | ||
| Danielle Bolelli's History on Fire. | ||
| Listen to that. | ||
| Fuck, that's good. | ||
| Plus, you get a fantastic accent. | ||
| I mean, Danielle Bolelli, his accent, he's got like a super Italian accent. | ||
| I know. | ||
| I'm like, this is kind of sexy. | ||
| I'm like, should I whack off to this? | ||
| I'm not even gay at all. | ||
| That's why people were gay in the Roman times because they all talked like that. | ||
| They were just gay for each other. | ||
| We kind of went around that. | ||
| But it's stunning to me that what we were originally talking about was like how common being a pedophile was. | ||
| It was like super common. | ||
| That until, there it is, history on fire, Professor Daniel Bolele. | ||
| He's like, talking about Spartacus. | ||
| He's like, Spartacus. | ||
| He's a beautiful person, too. | ||
| I love that guy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Fucking great dude. | ||
| But it's amazing how recent it was where that was taboo, where you weren't, where people were like, hey, maybe we should stop fucking kids. | ||
| That's my one. | ||
| Like, I have a few rules in life, but the number one is don't fuck the kids. | ||
| Well, it's 100% number one. | ||
| Don't hurt the children. | ||
| Don't hurt the children. | ||
| Don't hurt them physically. | ||
| Don't hurt them sexually. | ||
| Don't hurt them mentally. | ||
| Don't hurt the kids. | ||
| That's number one. | ||
| Feed, protect, and teach. | ||
| Yeah, what you are is the result of some crazy shit that happened to you and some awesome shit that happened to you. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And your ability to manage that fucking land in between the two that causes depression. | ||
| Yeah, between chaos and order. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know, it all Peterson about. | |
| Law and order. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, that's what our job is, is to figure out a way to make the best people we can and raise those people so that those people are going to impact as many people as they can in a positive way. | ||
| And if this can be done, look, you got to realize that the people of today, we're basically biologically the same as the people that lived in the Genghis Khan days, but we couldn't be further apart in terms of the way we look at the world. | ||
| It's our software programming. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| Think about how you are, how Jamie is, how most of the people we know are, and then think about Genghis Khan's mob of savages that were just eating people. | ||
| They're like Assyria. | ||
| Carlin gets into that. | ||
| It's a judgment at Nineveh. | ||
| These people were like public skinnings and burnings because it was just all about just the yoke of oppression. | ||
| And your life was just pain and you wanted to inflict that pain on other people. | ||
| So you agreed to like, there was like, there's like almost like some sort of an evolutionary basis and staying as close to people as you can while agreeing with as little evidence as possible to murder them all. | ||
| Which is like, we're like witch trials. | ||
| And one of the things that freaked me out about Dan Carlin's history of the Mongols thing was he started talking about how there's speculation that decimation, like the term decimation came from like if there's a hundred, they would eat one of them. | ||
| Oh, no way. | ||
| They'd eat one. | ||
| They would eat one. | ||
| There was speculation that some of the Mongols, like decimation, like you think of decimated and it's like destroying. | ||
| But what it really is, is like a decimal. | ||
| Like if there's 10 people, you kill one because you run out of supplies. | ||
| But that the Mongols would pick one amongst them and they would eat them so that the rest of the troops would survive. | ||
| I was like, that is so crazy. | ||
| And the guy was pretty heightist. | ||
| If you were above a wagon wheel, he'd just cut your fucking head off. | ||
| Here's what decimation means. | ||
| The killing of one in every 10 of a group of people as a punishment for the whole group. | ||
| But that was just the punishment. | ||
| What Dan Carlin was talking about is there's some people, and maybe he doesn't agree with them, or maybe he does, but some people who believe it's possible that the Mongols did this practice in order to stay alive. | ||
| They definitely did. | ||
| They used to suck the blood out of their horses. | ||
| And they would add milk to it. | ||
| Yeah, they're just like they're hungry. | ||
| They're like, all right, I'm just going to suck some blood out of this horse. | ||
| Yeah, that's how they stayed alive. | ||
| They would cut the blood, like cut an artery, fill like a jug with blood, and then they would milk them and mix the blood and the milk together and they would eat that. | ||
| And then their kids started getting soft because they became quote unquote Chinese. | ||
| So like they, like Kublai kind of guys, they used to have to send them back to the steppe to keep their edge. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jesus Christ. | |
| You know, it's like, because I feel like it's like when I call some like LA people and some New York people, I call them indoor cats or house cats. | ||
| And it's like, it's the difference. | ||
| You said that the other day. | ||
| I was crying. | ||
| It's like the difference between a pigeon and like a bird of paradise with the big plumes because they don't have any fucking predators. | ||
| Mojikasha is a house cat. | ||
| Big time. | ||
| I love him, but he's a house cat. | ||
| Yeah, totally. | ||
| Yeah, same here. | ||
| It's like, I've had good combos with it, but then it'll get into all this shit where I'm like, I'm like, you don't have any natural predators. | ||
| You're not around bears, son. | ||
| Yeah, you don't hang out with vets as you drop trees and fucking try to stay off heroin. | ||
| I would like to take Moshikasha bear hunting. | ||
| That'd be hilarious. | ||
| Take him to Alberta and let him see a grizzly. | ||
| Lock eyes of the grizzly for the first time. | ||
| That grizzly doesn't give a fuck about diversity. | ||
| It's like, hey, Moshe, that's patriarchy. | ||
| Think of a thousand-pound thing that just needs to eat. | ||
| How much does a grizzly bear need to eat a gay? | ||
| A day? | ||
| A gay? | ||
| Let's guess. | ||
| They only eat gays. | ||
| I bet they eat a lot of gays. | ||
| You start screaming, they'll eat you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Well, they're not. | ||
| Not saying that gays are screaming, but that's a stereotype. | ||
| Yeah, that guy was gay. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Oh, full blonde. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Grizzly man, the number one greatest unintentional comedy human beings have ever created. | ||
| 100%, dude. | ||
| It beats Roadhouse. | ||
| It beats Showgirls. | ||
| It beats everything that is awesome but still sucks at the same time. | ||
| Dude, I watch Roadhouse at least once a year, man. | ||
| I love Roadhouse. | ||
| I went on a tirade one night on Twitter. | ||
| I was high as fuck, and I was watching Roadhouse, and it was just so ridiculous how gay it was. | ||
| Like, how did I miss this? | ||
| And so I went on this whole, I went on like a series of Twitter posts of Dalton and what is that? | ||
| The guy's name, Sam Elliott. | ||
| Yeah, Sam Elliott. | ||
| Sam Elliott. | ||
| Sam Elliott and Dalton hanging out together. | ||
| I'm like, this is the gayest shit ever. | ||
| How did I miss this? | ||
| Yeah, and he never really wanted to get with that chick. | ||
| He always just wanted to be like shirtless and look cool in like doorways and shit. | ||
| Pain don't hurt. | ||
| Yeah, he just wanted to look tough and cool to her. | ||
| It was amazing. | ||
| I know. | ||
| And like, it was the worst bouncer in history. | ||
| Like, you're supposed to de-escalate. | ||
| And he's like, oh, you spill a drink? | ||
| I'm going to beat the fuck out of 30 people. | ||
| A bear must eat 90 pounds of food each day. | ||
| Yeah, if you were telling me. | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| They may intake one Ali Wong per day. | ||
| During the winter. | ||
| During the winter. | ||
| Oh, when food is scarce. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| Grizzly bears are specialized to adapt during warmer months to eat a massive amount of food so they can live off the body fat during the winter when food is scarce. | ||
| So yeah, they don't eat during the winter. | ||
| Most of the time, they just hibernate. | ||
| So they get like super, super fat. | ||
| But they may intake 40 kilograms, 90 pounds of food a day. | ||
| That's Allie. | ||
| Allie Wong's about 90. | ||
| Well, you were talking about on a podcast about when they eat blueberries, it's an interesting flavor. | ||
| Yeah, I never experienced it, but apparently that's what everybody says. | ||
| And Steve Renella had a show about it where he shot a bear on a blueberry patch. | ||
| And then when he's opening the bear up, you see purple. | ||
| You see like a purple. | ||
| It's funny. | ||
| My new special is literally called Feed the Bear. | ||
| Yeah, I saw that. | ||
| Yeah, that's just decided to call it that. | ||
| Because like when I get hammered, I get like pretty happy. | ||
| And sometimes, and occasionally, on several occasions, I've been pretty blacked out and just been like, feed the bear, babe, feed the bear. | ||
| Whether it's about like sex with my wife or more beers or I'm just like, yeah, feed the bear, baby. | ||
| Come on, feed that bear. | ||
| Feed the big old bear. | ||
| It's a good name for a special, is any. | ||
| Feed the bear. | ||
| Yeah, why not? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm horrible at titling shit. | ||
| I'll come up with like 50 and just have no fucking idea and I just have to pick something. | ||
| Yeah, they're tough. | ||
| It's tough. | ||
| Like, do you be wacky? | ||
| Do you be self-indulgent to be precise? | ||
| Jamie, put all the on-air light. | ||
| It's bothering me that the on-air light is off. | ||
| I feel like you need to be official for this new studio. | ||
| Watch that. | ||
| Bam. | ||
| That's awesome. | ||
| Dude, my dick just moved a little bit. | ||
| Mine too. | ||
| Nice. | ||
| And I feel better. | ||
| I don't know why I need to see that. | ||
| I need to shut it off. | ||
| Turn it on when I walk in the room. | ||
| But yeah, man, bears, fuck bears. | ||
| Fuck them. | ||
| It's the reason why we had to build houses. | ||
| We'd all be living in tents if there was no mountain lions and bears and shit. | ||
| And black bears are, everyone says, oh, because we have a bunch of black bears and they always say how harmless they are, but they're definitely not. | ||
| They're not harmless. | ||
| They can still fuck you up. | ||
| A kid got killed last year in Alaska during a road rage. | ||
| A kid was in a road race. | ||
| He was 16 years old and he was running and he called his mom to say that a bear was following him and he might be in trouble. | ||
| The bear killed him. | ||
| Oh man, so sad. | ||
| The bear, when the park ranger showed up, the bear was trying to shoo them away from his cache because he had buried the kid, pulled the kid's body into the forest and was covering it up with leaves and shit. | ||
| And they came and he was defending his kill. | ||
| Yeah, so that's the high stakes shit. | ||
| Fuck bears. | ||
| Yeah, fuck bears. | ||
| Bears are not yogi. | ||
| I'm not saying we should eliminate them. | ||
| I'm not saying we should kill them all and make them extinct, but don't put them above people. | ||
| You're a goddamn crazy person. | ||
| If you think about your children, think about your mother, think about people that you love that could easily have been eaten by this bear and understand that these things are a consequence of the natural world that we engage with. | ||
| And you cannot put them above people. | ||
| It's just, you are a traitor to your species. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| Yeah, of course. | ||
| You're missing the whole lesson that was learned by civilization. | ||
| And we miss it too. | ||
| The people that only think that civilization is the key and that fuck the animals, they miss it too. | ||
| But the people that don't understand what the animals actually are, like, you're missing a giant, wolves will eat your family. | ||
| Dude, a lot of herbivores will. | ||
| It's like what you were talking about with the people that used to have to break a rabbit's neck to, you know, like my uncle, my mom's brother, they were so poor that he used to hunt for their food. | ||
| And then he became wealthy. | ||
| And now he goes to Africa to hunt, you know, the Cape Buffaloes. | ||
| And the Cape Buffaloes are really dangerous. | ||
| Oh, they call them the Black Death. | ||
| Yeah, I guess they're more dangerous than like lions and shit. | ||
| They'll fucking rip you apart. | ||
| Thousands of pounds. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They're enormous animals. | ||
| And they, you know, like even lions have a hard time taking those fucking things out. | ||
| There's a documentary called Relentless Enemies. | ||
| And it's about this one area of Africa that something happened and the river shifted course. | ||
| And when the river shifted Course, it created an island, a very large island, but on this island was lions and buffalo. | ||
| And the lions had to get bigger because all they could kill was the buffalo. | ||
| So these lions, it's a really fascinating thing because they think it only happened. | ||
| Man, I don't want to talk out of school because I always do, but I think it was like 200 years ago. | ||
| I think it was like a real recent amount of time. | ||
| And in that time, these lions had developed like Hulk-like bodies. | ||
| They look freakish. | ||
| The average female lion is as big as the average male lion on mainland Africa. | ||
| Dude, it's crazy how fast evolution moves. | ||
| It's like there's this type of moth in England that was white and it used to hide on the birch. | ||
| And then when the Industrial Revolution kicked off, it made everything sooty. | ||
| And the fucking moth was black in like 30 years. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jeez. | |
| Because the birch just kept picking off all the white ones. | ||
| And then like the only three that were black are getting all the pussy. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Yeah, it's like they say a white person becomes black if they have to live an African lifestyle sub-Saharan in 20,000 years. | ||
| Like you're totally black. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, that's what white is. | ||
| What white is is a solar panel for vitamin D. Totally. | ||
| That's all it is. | ||
| Yeah, we're just fucking snow monkeys. | ||
| Everybody is. | ||
| Everybody's the same. | ||
| We would have been way better off. | ||
| We only looked, we all looked the same. | ||
| And the only thing that separated us were how fucking stupid you were. | ||
| We would have been way better off. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That'd be unbelievable. | |
| Yeah, we'd be able to categorize people in like effective ways. | ||
| But instead, you got these white people that are only into other white people. | ||
| Like, hey, fuckheads. | ||
| It's the least effective category. | ||
| It's such a bad category. | ||
| Like, but dummies versus smarties, that's a good category. | ||
| It's a great category. | ||
| Same with, like, you know, I judge people based on like pleated pants. | ||
| Whether you can keep a secret. | ||
| Keep a secret is massive. | ||
| Like, keep a secret is huge. | ||
| It's huge. | ||
| It's huge. | ||
| That's why it's like, I'll get on board. | ||
| I'll get on board with some shits moving around, but I don't want to. | ||
| I'm not a big reveal guy. | ||
| I think that shit's for the birds. | ||
| Big reveal guy? | ||
| Like when people just talk shit about people, or it's like, guess what I know? | ||
| It's like, I know it. | ||
| I'm not like that. | ||
| That's a distraction. | ||
| If you don't have to do that, you shouldn't do that. | ||
| But the only reason why you want to do that is we want to create some excitement outside of what you're actually doing to progress the life that you're living. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Unless you're like calling someone out, like someone committed a crime or something like that. | ||
| We're not talking about that. | ||
| But it's like this idea. | ||
| I'm just saying I could keep a secret with a crime too, if you ever. | ||
| I can too. | ||
| The instinct, the instinct to engage in that is all negative, you know? | ||
| And I think it goes back to that whole reward system thing. | ||
| I think in a lot of ways, we're very programmed to not just accept, but even seek out conflict and to be upset about things and to look for those things in the news. | ||
| Look for those things. | ||
| How often do you see conflict with humans? | ||
| If you see Manhattan, right? | ||
| And you see all these people that are driving their cars, walking, get on the bus, get on the train, the vast majority show no conflict with each other. | ||
| The absolute vast majority. | ||
| It's actually amazing. | ||
| It's fucking amazing. | ||
| Imagine chimps. | ||
| Like we're so peaceful compared to what we could be. | ||
| But now compare that to the vast majority of interactions online. | ||
| No. | ||
| No comparison. | ||
| Online might be 50% conflict. | ||
| Yeah, and it's absurd conflict. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's like, I'm going to fuck your mouth with a gun. | ||
| I'm like, I thought we were talking about healthcare. | ||
| Wait a minute. | ||
| You can't even do that. | ||
| Does someone explain to you what fuck is? | ||
| You can't, you don't. | ||
| One on the chalkboard if you fuck my mouth with a gun. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's like when you reveal that you don't know something based on an intense insult. | ||
| Did you see that thing that someone wrote about Ivanka Trump? | ||
| All the different words that she uses wrong and like that she doesn't understand English? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| I mean, look, man, how old is she? | ||
| Like 30? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| She's not old, right? | ||
| No, for sure not. | ||
| Yeah, for sure don't. | ||
| 36. | ||
| 36? | ||
| I'll give her a pass until she is 38. | ||
| Just, you know, most people don't know how to use words correctly. | ||
| And then all of a sudden you're fucking dad the president. | ||
| You're like, wait, I thought you were a reality show host. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I think I thought I had an easy road here. | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| I thought I would never reach the public eye. | ||
| I would be fucking flying private jets to Israel every year. | ||
| You're like, now I need to know what magnanimity means. | ||
| Yeah, what? | ||
| What about the yacht on the Caribbean? | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| That's what I was preparing my 35 years for. | ||
| And all of a sudden, I have to figure out the correct use of words. | ||
| Dude, I got a massive verbal skills and horrible spelling. | ||
| I have like this weird, like my ability to hear words, remember words, my vocabulary is huge, but I spell like a fucking idiot. | ||
| My spelling's atrocious. | ||
| Like horrible. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, I rely on that squiggly line. | ||
| That red squiggly line, that's so critical for me. | ||
| But what about no suggestions? | ||
| I don't play that game, man. | ||
| That's like, you know, like swinging an axe without steel-toed boots, right? | ||
| But sometimes I don't realize it's in Spanish. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| And like, cause, you know, I'm flying, you know, it's on my late-night rants. | ||
| I'm flying. | ||
| My thumbs are flying. | ||
| Thumbs. | ||
| So you do everything 100% from your phone? | ||
| Everything from phone. | ||
| That's a stronger addiction because you're not even pretending you might get some productivity done. | ||
| Like if you're on your laptop and you got Microsoft Word opened and occasionally you check Twitter, like, what, bitch, you don't know shit about Beethoven. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Well, that's funny. | ||
| That's what I'm trying to wind down, which is crazy because it's like the worst way to wind down is just like cyber conflict. | ||
| That's not a way to wind down. | ||
| That's not the way to wind down. | ||
| Because my wife will fall asleep before me, and then, you know, I don't want to watch TV and be loud. | ||
| And then sometimes I'll go in other rooms and shit, but, you know. | ||
| Well, I think, I mean, this is very pretentious to say, but it is true. | ||
| I think that all of us who are having a chance to talk about our experiences in this life are influencing each other. | ||
| That includes you. | ||
| That includes everybody I know. | ||
| That includes Ari Shafir and Tom Segura and Duncan. | ||
| We're all influencing each other. | ||
| And we're all, in some way, helping each other mitigate all the weird influences that we experience. | ||
| And there's a big one. | ||
| The big one is our addiction to information, and that the addiction to information can overwhelm your ability to process the information. | ||
| Like if you're just reading shit about like world news and breaking news and all the craziness, if you're doing that all day while you're awake, like if you gave your phone, like if somebody had a phone and they had one of them Mopi packs so they can keep that bitch running and checking the internet all day. | ||
| At the end of the day, have you even taken the time to momentarily reflect about what any of this means? | ||
| Or are you just taking in, fucking guy with a truck killed bikers, you know, retweet, fuck that guy, fuck this guy, oh, Dustin Hoppins piece of shit too, retweet. | ||
| How much time are you spending where you're thinking about life, yourself, the world around you, what are the motivations for all this? | ||
| Like this kid that ran over these people in New York, what's his motivation? | ||
| Who is he? | ||
| Who did the most awful job ever of parenting this fucking monster? | ||
| Right. | ||
| Or you think that Allah wants him to stomp on the gas and run over a bunch of people. | ||
| Because that guy really dark. | ||
| Because I was just on that bike path with my son and I just, I'm trying to stay objective sometimes and I'm like, yeah. | ||
| And then I'm like, fuck you. | ||
| It's like emotions, man, because Peterson talks about how the need for information is the same part of the brain for foraging food. | ||
| And now that we have all this food, we're foraging other shit. | ||
| And I think it's like, I think that's a really good point. | ||
| It can't be stressed enough. | ||
| Now that we have all this food, we're foraging other shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We're foraging outrage. | ||
| We're foraging the need for reform. | ||
| We're foraging this violent interaction between cultures. | ||
| We're foraging all this fucking craziness online. | ||
| Like every day you're seeing more and more craziness. | ||
| People telling people they can't wear braids. | ||
| People tell, you know, like people tell me. | ||
| Cultural appropriation is the most insane psychotic thing. | ||
| And it's getting worse. | ||
| Not on my Twitter timeline. | ||
| I think Jamie Kilstein did us all a giant favor. | ||
| I'm not being disingenuous. | ||
| I think he did. | ||
| And I don't hate that guy. | ||
| Like, I've had bad moments in my life when I've made dumb decisions. | ||
| Owning up to those dumb decisions makes you a real character, like someone of real character to me. | ||
| I was going to say a real man, but it applies to women as well. | ||
| Like owning up to those fuck-ups is so goddamn huge. | ||
| And Jamie did it. | ||
| And I think we need to understand like when someone does do something like that, you got to stand up and fucking golf clap. | ||
| You got to. | ||
| You got to let people know that. | ||
| And there's a lot of other people that also could have these revelations and these moments and stand up and be real with you. | ||
| And then all of us would recognize those moments and those feelings in our own self. | ||
| And we can move on better. | ||
| We can move on better than we're doing. | ||
| What Jamie did by coming on this podcast and talking about his life as a social justice warrior and all the nuttiness that he was involved in and all the rules and regulations of what you could and couldn't say and how he knew it. | ||
| And even though he thought things were wrong, he couldn't express himself because it would be outside of the progressive doctrine that they had to all follow by. | ||
| That's giant, man. | ||
| That's giant for all of us because just like Jordan Peterson has expressed that we could all be Nazis if we were that person in that circumstance with those, you know, those stresses and pressures. | ||
| That's what terrifies us about all this stuff, that you could be that person. | ||
| That if you were born in Uzbekistan or wherever the fuck this terrorist was born that ran over these people, that if all the terrible things that happened to him happened to you, you could be that guy who's hitting that gas. | ||
| There's no difference between you and me and Jamie and everybody listening. | ||
| We're all just people. | ||
| And we're a combination of biology, we're a combination of life experiences and our community and our circumstances and what we've learned. | ||
| We have to recognize that instead of like trying to appear to have moral superiority over everybody above you because you haven't committed murder yet or you haven't run a red light where it wound up killing someone because you have an impulsive desire to get to work on time or you haven't drove home drunk because you made a mistake and your girlfriend left the party and you were fucking pissed and you got in your car and you plowed into a car. | ||
| All those things, we want to demonize people because we're scared to death of seeing those ideas in ourself or seeing those actions in ourselves. | ||
| Yeah, and that Soljanitson line, the line between good and evil is right down the middle of a person's heart, you know, that we have that none of us are just good or bad and we can't just proclaim someone as bad and us good unfairly. | ||
| Those are the people I root against. | ||
| It's not the flawed humans that make mistakes and just are human. | ||
| It's the people that demonize everyone but them and you see that they're almost just, it's projecting. | ||
| It's like the biggest homophobes, the gay guy, you know? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| and that's what gets me angry. | ||
| And it's like when you're trying to get social, like what happened to me with the, with the define that, that kid situation where it's like, Most people don't know the circumstances. | ||
| So there was this guy who had a three-year-old boy that he claimed is transgendered and identified as a girl and started putting dresses on the kid and treating him like a girl and was planning on giving him hormone therapy so they don't go through puberty. | ||
| And this dude has like power in Hollywood, you know, and I just called him out and I got swarmed and I just didn't stop because I'm like, I'll die on this hill. | ||
| That's a hill to die on. | ||
| When you're deciding that a three-year-old is done developing and understands how it drives me crazy. | ||
| What we're talking to is akin to like a seance where you find out that you were a Roman emperor from 1700. | ||
| That fucking three-year-old barely understands how to express himself. | ||
| The idea that a three-year-old can give you a complex definition of their sexual and gender identity at three. | ||
| And that this isn't such, that you should go in and chemically influence that kid's being. | ||
| Stero, make him a eunuch. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| And it's like, and it's fucking insane. | ||
| And it's a projection of the father's ego. | ||
| It's not even like. | ||
| Is it? | ||
| Yeah, the virtue state. | ||
| Oh, it's just a coincidence that it's a San Francisco NPR guy that everyone in Hollywood has his back for some fucking reason, even as a child. | ||
| It's like, it's. | ||
| What are the circumstances? | ||
| Explain what. | ||
| So this dude, John Hodgman, who I thought I was cool with, I met him doing a morning radio show. | ||
| And he was like, when Mel Brooks said PC shit's ruining comedy or something, all these comedians were like going against Mel Brooks. | ||
| And I'm like, wait a minute. | ||
| Are we the bad guys now? | ||
| What comedians, though? | ||
| Paul F. Tompkin was talking. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And I was like, dude, you're like the bad guy from Footloose now, you know? | ||
| And so I'm just being open about this. | ||
| It's like there's a few things I'll stand behind. | ||
| Free speech, don't fuck the kids. | ||
| Don't hurt the kids. | ||
| Don't hurt the kids. | ||
| Yeah, just be good to the kids. | ||
| That's you. | ||
| I mean, it's you. | ||
| I mean, that's what every child is you. | ||
| All of us. | ||
| I know. | ||
| Especially when you're a little tiny person. | ||
| You have this insane responsibility as a big person when you're dealing with a little tiny person. | ||
| And now that I have a tiny person, it made me more of a man and an adult. | ||
| I just felt so much more responsibility. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| That's how you learn on the job, too. | ||
| You learn on the job. | ||
| Like you realize along the way, like, oh, I'm like literally dealing with a blank slate and I can't even process this. | ||
| That my fucking bizarre, ridiculous life of telling jokes and in your case, playing songs with pianos and ridiculous shit that you say on Twitter. | ||
| This somehow or another qualifies you to raise a human being. | ||
| It's so intense. | ||
| It's so intense. | ||
| And also it's like, I've always thought I was a good guy, but not like, I never thought I was like deserving of anything special, you know, but then once you see a kid, you're like, he's fucking pure still, man. | ||
| You know, I'm like, I've done some shit, you know. | ||
| So that's why I think just as myself younger, I wouldn't have been quite as like into, I've always stuck up for the underdog and people being abused and shit, but now I'm like, I have to be better for like the next generation because I see him look at me like humans can be good. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's like, dad, dad, dad, dad, you know, and I'm like, holy fuck, dad dad's a good guy. | |
| You know, and like, I never really knew if I was a good guy. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And this is a good experience between you and him. | ||
| He's enjoying it immensely. | ||
| Oh, dude. | ||
| It's giant. | ||
| And it's just like he watches me, watches me hit my foot with my axe. | ||
| And he's like, don't do what Dad Dad does. | ||
| Do you ever think about the fact that, and this is a conflict that I've discussed ad nauseum with some of my friends, that every one of my friends that I know came from a fucked up place. | ||
| Like all the people that I'm friends with whether it's Callan or Joey Diaz or anybody, Redband or Duncan, though their childhood was fucking chaos. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Ari Shafir, like everybody's childhood was a mess. | ||
| Yeah, I think it's a, to make a good comic that's still a good dude, I think it's a, it's a combo of like love, like your grandfather, and chaos. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Where it's almost like you get chaos. | ||
| Or else we're just killers. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Well, that's the problem, right? | ||
| I think that goddamn comedy and murder are so closely related. | ||
| I know, and we're just on the good. | ||
| Why do we call it killing? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I mean, that is literally why we call it killing. | ||
| Because my mom listened to our last podcast and she was like, I love that you're friends with Joe. | ||
| Like you guys both have like, you're kind of fucked up, but good guys. | ||
| And where it's like you experience these like traumatic events and you experience damage, you know, and then you have paths in life and you're like, I'm going to seek the good in this, but we're still, you know, low impulse control comedians, but still, you know, we're not just killers. | ||
| Well, we're actually nice people, but we're realizing we're nice people in the middle of a life with a tremendous amount of momentum of chaos behind it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Chaos. | |
| And then all of a sudden you're like, whoa, whoa, whoa, hit the brace. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Okay. | ||
| Yeah, like belly of the beast shit, man. | ||
| You know, it's like, I might as well have had a Viking ship for the last 10 years where you're just viking it up. | ||
| And it's like, and then you see the order you need, the chaos and order, you know, and you see the order with a child. | ||
| And then you see these people trying to exploit children. | ||
| And I was just awake. | ||
| You know, I'm just like, you know what? | ||
| Fuck you. | ||
| I'm like, I don't, and then people in LA that I thought were my friends, not good friends, not like comics, but like middle management. | ||
| That's what the evil is. | ||
| Well, you know what it is, man? | ||
| It's like supporting transgender rights eclipses all the logic involved and the subtle nuances of human behavior and sexuality. | ||
| And the idea that a three-year-old could have any notion of like what it's going to be like to be eight or what it's going to be like to be 16 or whether or not hormonal changes are going to affect the way he expresses himself. | ||
| And also, you're looking at this kid and you're deciding that this kid, because they're three, is going to be transgender and you want to turn him into a girl. | ||
| What if this kid decides he's a gay man in five years? | ||
| They kill themselves. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Well, what if they decide that they're bisexual in 20 years? | ||
| You know, if you care about that child, you don't interfere with that process because I'm not the same thing that I was when I was three and you're not either. | ||
| No one is. | ||
| So to inject hormones and chemicals and even surgery, that we really have a very limited understanding about how much this interaction between a scalpel and a baby body, how much of the impact that has. | ||
| You're giving someone the green light? | ||
| They're talking about like making this kid a eunuch? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well, yeah, they won't go through puberty. | |
| What are they saying they won't go through? | ||
| It's called hormone blockers. | ||
| And I kept asking him directly, I'm like, say yes or no. | ||
| Are you going to give him hormone blockers? | ||
| Because it's fine if he wants to wear a dress, have some fun playtime, fine. | ||
| But you're going to tell him he's a girl. | ||
| But here's the thing, it's not even playtime. | ||
| It's like, what if the kid feels better when he wears a dress? | ||
| Fine. | ||
| Like, we've all decided that pants and a shirt is the way to go. | ||
| And if you don't wear pants and a shirt, I know you're a homo. | ||
| Like, if you were sitting there wearing a big girl skirt, what do I give a fuck? | ||
| If you were wearing a kilt and I'm like, ah, I love Scotland. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I wouldn't care. | ||
| If you and my brother used to piss on each other. | ||
| Well, I shouldn't have said that out loud. | ||
| I have low employment. | ||
| That's not the worst thing in the world. | ||
| Doug Stanley pissed on Ari Shafir last week, like a couple of days ago, on a podcast. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's awesome. | |
| Yeah, pissing happens. | ||
| I didn't mean to cut you off. | ||
| You were talking about the Scottish. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, who gives a shit if you dress like a girl? | ||
| What I give a shit is if you step in and you, in any way, interfere with the physical, sexual, biological development of a child because you think it's the right thing to do progressively, that you think it's the right thing to do, the right way to approach a fucking three-year-old. | ||
| Like, you are the problem. | ||
| You're my God. | ||
| We're not talking about one plus one equals two. | ||
| We're talking about a super complex, very nuanced issue. | ||
| And if this child decides when it's X amount years old, whatever we decide, 30, whatever the fuck we decide, to take the decision to get gender reassignment, that's 100% cool with me. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Of course. | |
| I have no problem with that. | ||
| But that's a person who understands who they are as a fully developed organism, not a fucking baby. | ||
| Three. | ||
| That's a baby. | ||
| Dude, and part of me, it's like this, like, I see myself in the kid where I'm like, I played classical piano and knitted. | ||
| Like, I used to like knit cloth. | ||
| I used to weave. | ||
| I went to the thing with your piano teacher. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Like my piano. | ||
| Like my dad is like a, my parents are married. | ||
| They have a great marriage, but it's like almost like a reverse gender marriage in a way where my dad's like a flamboyant opera singer, professor, and my mom, like 6'1, loves sports, wears sweatpants, you know. | ||
| Like my first bit was I was the only guy in the straight closet. | ||
| I used to be like, my dad would be like, let's go see Rent again, son. | ||
| And I'm like, I want to play catch with mom. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| And so I played piano since I was a kid. | ||
| What about your piano teacher? | ||
| Yeah, when I was 11, my piano teacher became a dude. | ||
| And the bit I tried to work on, but people don't believe like some of the best. | ||
| By the way, that's a long time ago. | ||
| How old are you now? | ||
| Oh, I'm 37. | ||
| So I was 91. | ||
| That was an OG shit. | ||
| Oh, that's OG surgery. | ||
| Like, we're friends, but I don't think he realizes what's it become. | ||
| You know, because it's like, now it's like, oh, you don't believe in making a three-year-old a eunuch? | ||
| You're full of, hey. | ||
| Yeah, this is not wise. | ||
| Because if you just look at it in not in terms of like how a child should identify, but in terms of like the biological process of a developing human being, it's very, very touch and go. | ||
| We don't really understand what it is. | ||
| This is what you should try to do with a kid. | ||
| You should try to give them nutrients. | ||
| You should try to give them love. | ||
| You try to give them safety and try to give them challenges. | ||
| Totally. | ||
| Give them things to get over. | ||
| But the idea that you are going to decide by your conversation with someone who just started talking 12 months ago. | ||
| They're still shitting themselves. | ||
| They don't know how to talk yet. | ||
| They shit in their pants. | ||
| But they literally don't know how to talk yet. | ||
| I know. | ||
| It's like, I identify. | ||
| It's like, how the fuck does that work? | ||
| Do you want to be a girl? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| Like, my son dances. | ||
| Like, he's always dancing and shit. | ||
| He goes to the piano. | ||
| He does what dad, dad does. | ||
| And it's like, this kid's probably trying to impress his dad. | ||
| And his dad's this fucking asshole. | ||
| It's like, oh, being trans is brave, dad. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And then they're going to make moves where the kid can't go back. | ||
| Can't go back. | ||
| When their life is over. | ||
| You literally turn their life down a dark path. | ||
| Because here's the thing. | ||
| And this is super unpopular to say, but the bottom line, whether you decide to become a transgender person, whether you decide to just suppress those ideas, it is at this current stage of our understanding of medical science impossible to actually turn you into a woman. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| XXXY. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So what we're going to do is have some reasonable facsimile. | ||
| And it's going to be more reasonable in different people. | ||
| And some people, they have a slender frame. | ||
| You know, some people are built like David Tua. | ||
| And it's just like, whoa, let's girl. | ||
| Okay, I got to go. | ||
| If you don't know who David Tua was, big-time heavyweight boxer from the 90s. | ||
| And you've touched on body dysmorphia with like weightlifters, where it's like, you know, there's certain people that just aren't comfortable in their own skin and want to alter it like with like fucking whether it's bigger boobs or cutting their wiener off or some shit. | ||
| And as a very big personal liberty guy, I'm all about you doing that, but you don't make that decision for the kids. | ||
| You don't make the decision for anyone that's under the age of comprehension. | ||
| And here's the thing, like, what is that age? | ||
| Because they say that the frontal lobe doesn't really fully develop until you're 25. | ||
| Yeah, ask Geico. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, they won't insure you. | ||
| Yeah, they won't insure you as a male. | ||
| The insurance is up until you're 25 because you're not developed. | ||
| What about a girl? | ||
| I think it's a little earlier. | ||
| I think girls develop a little earlier. | ||
| I know. | ||
| I know. | ||
| I'm fucking pissed. | ||
| I'm calling some sort of red pill organization. | ||
| And so long story short, I make these problematic statements and then my agent drops me. | ||
| How did your agent drop you for saying a three-year-old shouldn't be given chemicals that kill his dick and balls? | ||
| Because that was rocking the boat, man. | ||
| But imagine if you just put it that way. | ||
| So what you are is pro giving kids dick killing chemicals. | ||
| Is that what you are? | ||
| Just let me know. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It's kind of like when it's like words or violence, you hold up your fist and you go, word or violence. | ||
| Like that. | ||
| It immediately cuts through the shit. | ||
| But for some reason, it's not these days. | ||
| Words are violence. | ||
| I mean, that's a big thing now. | ||
| And it's like this college, UConn dropped me. | ||
| I had like a good gig and they said that because of your views, you can't work here. | ||
| Did they specifically talk about which views? | ||
| Yeah, I even tweeted the email because I was sick of this shit. | ||
| Trans views. | ||
| The trans kids. | ||
| It's only trans kids. | ||
| That's my whole thing. | ||
| But it's trans babies. | ||
| Dude, they're toddlers. | ||
| They're like three. | ||
| Dude, it's and I'll die in the hill, man. | ||
| I even asked my brother, like, my buddy. | ||
| My buddy Mike from Sword and Scale. | ||
| Like, dude, I literally was like, I'm unemployed. | ||
| And he had me like read. | ||
| That's when you know your friends are, man. | ||
| He's like, yo, will you read this? | ||
| You can be like a DA in this fucking murder podcast. | ||
| I was like, great. | ||
| He's like, I'll throw you some cash. | ||
| I thought I was out. | ||
| I'm like, brother, can I do some more tree work? | ||
| He's like, 20 an hour, you got boots? | ||
| I'm like, fuck yeah. | ||
| Dude, he was prepared, man. | ||
| But think about that, that you, as a guy who I've known for a long time, has been a successful professional comedian, are really always that close to being pushed aside and not given work anymore over something that's totally logical. | ||
| Dude, I just got in a development deal with True TV and shit. | ||
| It's not even like I was doing badly. | ||
| Did True TV keep the development deal? | ||
| Did they ban? | ||
| Dude, I don't even have reps anymore. | ||
| But do you talk to True TV? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like, no, they're cool people. | |
| I've just been so like. | ||
| So the reps all abandoned you by saying that you don't think three-year-olds and trannies. | ||
| Yeah, and also, I guess I was saying it was like problematic. | ||
| I was poking people that aren't allowed to be poked. | ||
| These powerful middle managers, you know. | ||
| What were you doing? | ||
| Just saying, you're wrong, dude. | ||
| How are you poking them about what? | ||
| That shit. | ||
| Like, that's literally it, man. | ||
| I don't do any of that shit. | ||
| Like, I don't do e-tweets, man. | ||
| And then the Sean King shit where I'm like making a joke that I think it'd be hilarious if slavery came back because he'd have to admit he's white. | ||
| I mean, that's fucking funny, man. | ||
| I'm not going to back down on humor. | ||
| I'm just not. | ||
| And then he calls me a white supremacist. | ||
| Actual people with like blue check marks are like, I never knew you're a racist. | ||
| I'm like, you know, I'm not, man. | ||
| You know it's a joke about him lying about who he is. | ||
| And I'm not going to explain to people who he is and what that whole story is because I don't know whether it's true or not, but I know what I've seen online and I know what a lot of like Milo exposed. | ||
| But if I was Rachel Dolezel right now, I'd be fucking pissed. | ||
| Oh, Toya, dude. | ||
| And it's like, even if I'm wrong, let's say he is a black guy with what I'm saying. | ||
| Well, even if he is, let's be honest. | ||
| Like, I'm not Irish, but I'm a quarter Irish. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But if you look at me, I look like a guinea. | ||
| I look like an Italian. | ||
| You know why? | ||
| Because I'm three quarters Irish or three quarters Italian. | ||
| So if I had to tell, if someone says, are you Irish? | ||
| If I was going on TV identifying as an Irishman, people would be able to get that. | ||
| That's infinitely more. | ||
| More part Irish than how much Irish are you? | ||
| I mean, people would say that's disingenuous because no one could tell, nor does anyone care about the distinction between Irish and Italian. | ||
| You're just a European. | ||
| Here you are in America, you know, third generation, no big deal. | ||
| But there's a reality to that because, like, what percentage black do you have to be where you say, I'm a black man? | ||
| Well, because he wants the points. | ||
| That's why it's not even about pride. | ||
| Anyone, you don't choose to be a prime. | ||
| Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. | ||
| There we go. | ||
| You don't have to be aware of that. | ||
| You don't choose to be trans black. | ||
| It chooses you. | ||
| This is my life. | ||
| My struggle is real. | ||
| Hashtag wrong skin. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Is that real? | ||
| That's real. | ||
| Okay, that's real. | ||
| Well, that is what he talks about. | ||
| That's a real tweet. | ||
| It's from Owen's thing. | ||
| I was looking through. | ||
| I've retweeted some shit that I've been tricked about. | ||
| Someone could create that. | ||
| There was a guy. | ||
| There was a guy that I was following for a while that had a parody account, and he was going by hashtag wrong skin. | ||
| He was a comedian. | ||
| And he was always talking about himself as being transracial. | ||
| But he was doing it like completely preposterous. | ||
| And he would be like, he would take the ultra progressive, really ridiculous approach to almost every argument. | ||
| And then always write like hashtag wrong skin. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hilarious. | |
| Because it all started because that dude poked at me because I had this bit that I want to be a progressive slave owner where I'm like, I'm like, the reason slavery is wrong is because it's only black people. | ||
| That's not right. | ||
| That's racism. | ||
| I want all the people. | ||
| And I'm like, if you can't outrun the nets and the harpoons, welcome to the club. | ||
| And that's a joke about the absurdity of certain progressive ideals. | ||
| And then he poked at me somehow. | ||
| And then I was like, this guy's fucking. | ||
| Well, if I could be really honest about that, I saw that bit and I was like, I see your point, but I think that's like a first draft of an idea of like slave. | ||
| I bailed on the joke because it only works in certain cities. | ||
| But this is why. | ||
| I mean, this is how I felt. | ||
| I'm like, okay, no, because I don't want anybody to be slaves. | ||
| Like, so like the joke is, like, it's kind of cruel in a way. | ||
| Like, we're not talking about real people. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| But the sentiment behind it is people who run slow, anybody who can't get away should be a slave. | ||
| Like, no, no, no. | ||
| But you don't really feel that way. | ||
| You're saying that because you want to poke people. | ||
| Well, it was extreme. | ||
| It was so. | ||
| Honestly, of course. | ||
| I don't want any slaves. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| It was like upside-down. | ||
| It was upside down satire. | ||
| Because I was saying it wasn't right. | ||
| It wasn't quite there. | ||
| It was like you were in the neighborhood. | ||
| But that's what our job is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| You know, that's the whole thing. | ||
| It's like everyone thinks that you start knowing the bit. | ||
| You know, freedom of speech is all about way overshooting, then pulling back, then finding, you know, and I was overshooting. | ||
| Like, that's why I do Why Don't They Laugh? | ||
| Where it's like, look at how this one phrase hurts people and then how you make it not hurt people based on information I didn't previously know. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, and it's like my wife gave me info about, I was doing some bit about how vampires are cultural appropriation for Romanians. | ||
| And I don't even understand what the point was, but it had something to do with hairy Mexicans. | ||
| Holy woman. | ||
| What is this? | ||
| Jamie, what are you trying to do? | ||
| I was trying to find it. | ||
| I went in looking for it. | ||
| He apparently hid it or deleted those tweets. | ||
| He deleted a lot of tweets. | ||
| Now Sean King is cranking out a boatload of original tweets in a continued effort to dilute last week's hashtag trans black and hashtag wrong skin tweets. | ||
| Oh, so you got a bad response to him saying that tweeting about that whole thing for weeks going on into 2016 and a bunch of people. | ||
| You know, I don't give a fuck, man. | ||
| If you want to, I feel the same, literally the same way as you feeling that you are a woman or you feeling anything, anything. | ||
| But the real problem is like the insisting on that definition in a very specific manner that's disingenuous with your actual background. | ||
| Because everyone is essentially, we all came from Africa. | ||
| That was the original human beings. | ||
| And like we said before, being white is solar panels for vitamin D. That's all it is. | ||
| It's we moved to a place that had a lot of clouds and it wasn't anything like Africa. | ||
| And slowly, over who knows how many fucking years, people changed and you developed paler and paler skin. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So it doesn't matter. | ||
| I don't care. | ||
| But just here's here's a better way to do it. | ||
| Just act the way you feel like you like to act and don't lie about what your background is. | ||
| Totally. | ||
| And you can be the exact same person. | ||
| No one will give a fuck. | ||
| And the irony is, is he's trying To get victim status when he's not part of a group, and because there is the reason American slavery is so fucking dark is because it was one of the only slave systems based on one race, right? | ||
| And that's why, like, Carlin did an unbelievable, everything's Carl, like, dude, Carlin's covered it. | ||
| He has a blitz episode called uh, Addicted to Bondage, Dan Carlin. | ||
| Yeah, Dan Condition covered a lot of shit. | ||
| I was talking about that. | ||
| Dude, I got some of the wolf in me. | ||
| But, like, Dan Carlin, Addicted to Bondage, were all related to slaves and slave owners. | ||
| It's like it was actually progressive because of genocide. | ||
| That's the irony. | ||
| It's like back in the day, an army wins, they kill everyone. | ||
| And then some Bernie Sanders guy was like, let's keep some alive. | ||
| And everyone's like, you're such a fucking lefty, you know? | ||
| And so we grew out of that. | ||
| Thank God. | ||
| Of course, I don't like slavery. | ||
| I think I'm almost in this position where like I'm a little freaked out that some givens aren't given anymore. | ||
| Like what? | ||
| Like that Hitler's bad or I don't like slavery. | ||
| Where I'm like. | ||
| It's not just a given. | ||
| It's a given. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Like who the fuck likes slavery? | ||
| It's like there's being a human. | ||
| There's still a bunch of retards out there that think it's a good idea to be a white nationalist. | ||
| We've talked about that. | ||
| Like Charlottesville. | ||
| Like when you see that guy got pepper sprayed, takes his shirt off, you see a swastika on his chest. | ||
| Like, okay, what about the Nazis is awesome to you? | ||
| What about it? | ||
| Just fucking gassing random children? | ||
| Like, sit down. | ||
| Tell me. | ||
| Tell me what you think is awesome. | ||
| A bad war plan in Russia? | ||
| The idea that are you so fucking stupid that you really think the only people of merit have genetics that come from a certain patch of dirt? | ||
| Because that was one of the, that's one of the most toxic ideas that all share. | ||
| And it's toxic in the same way that some of the left shit is toxic, too. | ||
| They both have this toxic element where like, unless you look at merit and character, you're fucked. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like if you're like, whether or not you think white people are special and then you should keep them down or boost them up, it's both toxic. | ||
| I think like when it comes to Rachel Dolezel, like her problem is not that she wants to be black and she's not. | ||
| Her problem is that people give a fuck about what she wants. | ||
| She just didn't have that language. | ||
| Imagine her whole world could be exactly the same. | ||
| The way she behaves could be exactly the same. | ||
| The way she dresses, her actions, everything. | ||
| If she didn't utter a few words, they're like, I'm actually black. | ||
| And people are like, wait, what? | ||
| And then they go into her history. | ||
| No, no, no, no. | ||
| You lied. | ||
| You wanted to be black, but you weren't black. | ||
| Look, look, look. | ||
| We have an imposter. | ||
| And that's just quick, quick, quick. | ||
| It's just eyeballs. | ||
| Sean King, I mean, he was a part of Black Lives Matter. | ||
| Obviously, he wanted to do good. | ||
| Obviously, he wanted to spread good ideas and help people, the people that he really identified with. | ||
| If those tweets are real, and I don't know what they are, hashtag wrong skin and hashtag transracial and all that stuff, then that's literally how he felt. | ||
| He didn't feel it because he hated those people. | ||
| He felt it because he identified with them and they were more attractive to him than what he actually was. | ||
| So if he just Paul Walled it and never said, I mean, Paul Wall, right? | ||
| The rapper with the grill. | ||
| I mean, isn't that essentially, he's a deep love of black American culture, right? | ||
| I mean, there's a lot of people that just be themselves and go in. | ||
| Just go in is what I appreciate more. | ||
| There's a lot of black people at golf clubs with fucking polo shirts on, right? | ||
| Why? | ||
| Why? | ||
| Because they identify with that culture. | ||
| It's appealing to them. | ||
| We just let people fucking. | ||
| Dude, culture's everything, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Let people be poor. | |
| Whoa. | ||
| And the irony is... | ||
| You heard about that? | ||
| And the irony is, is like inner city black culture comes to my shows and thinks I'm funny. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because they like that crazy shit. | ||
| Because you're free. | ||
| Like, man, you're fucking funny. | ||
| You're free to talk about things. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| They just think it's funny. | ||
| I think when I say they, it's annoying because it's like, of course, not all black people find it funny, but like that culture, that black, redneck, white liberal culture, where it's like, I'm from a culture that's more similar to American southern or urban black culture than a lot of the liberals calling me names. | ||
| And it's just this type of culture that bonds through shit talking, you know, like Boston, where it's like, if you talk shit, if someone's like, oh, your dad, your dad acts like a home. | ||
| I'm like, oh, my dad didn't kill himself, you know, and then you're frank. | ||
| Because it's like you've hit the darkest shit. | ||
| And then you're like, oh, we'll make it through a winner. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| A winner is a big thing to make it through. | ||
| Don't you think the people in the West Coast have like a way easier like the idea of what the possibilities are than the people on the East Coast? | ||
| The people in the East Coast are regularly confronted with potential death if they're dressed wrong. | ||
| Dude, I live in the Adirondack Mountains, man. | ||
| Yeah, I know. | ||
| It's like, dude, and that's like class doesn't exist in my town. | ||
| You got a fucking shovel. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What time of the year does it get to where you could die outside? | ||
| September? | ||
| July? | ||
| No. | ||
| Like, by December, January, you know, we need negative 40. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Minus 40 degrees Fahrenheit, which is exactly the same as 40 degrees Celsius. | ||
| That's where it comes to a clutch. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's where they embrace. | ||
| And dude, we have this tiny town, and like, what do they do? | ||
| Do they get mad? | ||
| No, we build ice palaces and shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Dude. | |
| And you stock up on firewood in July and August and September. | ||
| And there's none of this PC shit. | ||
| It's like, except for one issue I got a little piss in my town about because like this year, the winter carnival was going to be fiesta themed about Hispanics, but there's like the only Hispanics are my wife and child, you know. | ||
| And then they're like, oh no, we don't want to like be this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| I'm like, it's offensive not to. | ||
| You know, I'm like, we could do a lumberjack theme, you fucking idiots. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Because it's not mocking. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| There's no any Vikings. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Me. | |
| You can shit on Vikings all day long. | ||
|
unidentified
|
All day long. | |
| Nobody cares. | ||
| Dude, you wear the big fucking helmet. | ||
| You with big horns. | ||
| Nobody calls you a cultural appropriator if you wear like Viking garb. | ||
| Or like St. Patty's Day. | ||
| It's a midget looking for a rainbow trying to get gold. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Nobody's going to be able to get away from you. | ||
| You can wear green all day on St. Patrick's Day. | ||
| What else? | ||
| Well, the sombrero for me. | ||
| He's got an NFL tattoo on his bicep. | ||
| That guy's pretty intense. | ||
| Who is that guy? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| My new chat, someone? | ||
| What does he say? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Oh, it was a fan. | ||
| That guy's jacked. | ||
| That guy's doing it right. | ||
| Too fanatical. | ||
| He works out all year just for that fucking scene. | ||
| Yeah, you could be a Minnesota Viking and nobody gives a shit. | ||
| But the Cleveland Indians, everybody's like, This is the end of civilization. | ||
| I know, and Vikings were like worse than ISIS. | ||
| Like, they would show up and just kill and fuck and bail. | ||
| They were the wrong thing to see. | ||
| If you went to the beach to try to catch some fish and you saw a boat pull up, there was no satellite radio back then. | ||
| You didn't know what was coming. | ||
| If you saw a boat in the distance and that boat had a dragon head at the front of it, you're like, oh, fuck. | ||
| It's like, oh, dude, they just rode across an ocean. | ||
| And they were giant. | ||
| Giant, dude. | ||
|
unidentified
|
For the peak. | |
| At any time. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| My ancestors, they're probably a little small because they didn't get proper food, right? | ||
| Like, I bet a giant back then was like 6'2 ⁇ . | ||
| I did breastfeed for a while. | ||
| That was the thing about Jack Johnson. | ||
| Like, Jack Johnson, who was the Galveston giant. | ||
| That's what they called him. | ||
| But when you find out Jack Johnson's actual height, he was the heavyweight champion of the world, the first black heavyweight boxing champion of the world. | ||
| I don't think he was any taller than 6'3. | ||
| Well, that's a way better height. | ||
| How tall is he? | ||
| 6'1? | ||
| 6'1 ⁇ . | ||
| I think that's the best male height. | ||
| Because 6'7 blows. | ||
| Yeah, but the Galveston giant, think about that. | ||
| Think about calling a guy a giant who's only 6'1. | ||
| But in 1878, he was a fucking giant. | ||
| Yeah, it's almost like the Middle Ages professor is like the guy that can read one word. | ||
| He had three wives even back in the day. | ||
| Go back to that, please. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Back to the wives? | ||
| Where's his Wikipedia page? | ||
| He just had it. | ||
| You go to his, whatever it was. | ||
| If you just go back, it showed the three wives. | ||
| There it goes. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Yeah, see, he spouses. | ||
| He got tired of giving the dick to Irene, and then he moved on to Lucille. | ||
| These are all white ladies, by the way. | ||
| He got tired of giving the dick to her. | ||
| Moved on to Eda. | ||
| Gave the dick to her. | ||
| He's like an LL Cool Jay song. | ||
| Bam, that's crazy. | ||
| I was looking for overlap. | ||
| Hold on, go back, please. | ||
| Jamie's just a clicking fiend. | ||
| He loves clicking. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| The last one is Irene was the last one, I guess. | ||
| 1946. | ||
| How did he die? | ||
| He died in some strange way. | ||
| But he was only 200 pounds, too. | ||
| That was a giant back then. | ||
| Imagine that. | ||
| That's so intense. | ||
| Yeah, that's nuts. | ||
| I mean, you got to be like 240, right? | ||
| How much you weigh? | ||
| 250. | ||
| I'm like 15 over, too, because of the beers and the fires. | ||
| Beers and fires. | ||
| Because they work out every day. | ||
| It's fire, buddy. | ||
| Fire doesn't put weight on you. | ||
| I know, but it makes me drink the beers. | ||
| And it also makes me cook a lot of meat with like fucked up sauces. | ||
| What does it say? | ||
| How does he die? | ||
| Does it say his death? | ||
| It was a really interesting thing because it's pretty widely believed that he took a dive when he lost the title. | ||
| And that he was just tired of getting arrested constantly and harassed. | ||
| And he just wanted out. | ||
| He was sick of crushing. | ||
| Sick of white people. | ||
| You know, he's banging a lot of white chicks. | ||
| Dude, that was some heat back then, too. | ||
| That could get you killed. | ||
| That was way before Black.com. | ||
| If you're banging, what is it? | ||
| He died in a car crash on the U.S. Highway 1 near Franklinton, North Carolina. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| After racing angrily from a diner that refused to serve him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Good for hell. | |
| He's getting pissed. | ||
| Dude, he was taken to the closest black hospital, St. Agnes Hospital in Raleigh. | ||
| And he was 68 years of age at the time of his death. | ||
| He was buried near Etta, who was, I guess, his last woman. | ||
| His grave was initially unmarked, but a stone that bears only the name Johnson now stands above the plots of Jack, Etta, and Irene. | ||
| Wow, that's dark, man. | ||
| That's really crazy. | ||
| I mean, that guy was just born in the wrong fucking time. | ||
| Dude, that was Bane, man. | ||
| That guy was born in darkness. | ||
| Like, imagine being black in the fucking early 20th century. | ||
| Like, holy shit. | ||
| And he just rose. | ||
| He became a champion. | ||
| He became the champion. | ||
| And an interesting style. | ||
| If you watch the way he fought, he fought different. | ||
| He fought different than other people. | ||
| What did he do? | ||
| Well, he just had a long reach, and he had really good power for the time. | ||
| And he was just very smart. | ||
| He knew how to drag guys into deep water and beat the fuck out of them. | ||
| But he fought like a murderous puncher who was a middleweight champion named Stanley Ketchell. | ||
| It's a fascinating fight because Stanley Ketchell only weighed like 160 pounds. | ||
| He's his tiny little dude, but he was just a little savage. | ||
| Stanley Ketchell crapped Jack Johnson on the chin and fucking dropped him. | ||
| And it was like a big deal at the time because everybody wanted a white guy to beat the heavyweight title holder. | ||
| And the white guy was way smaller. | ||
| Look how small Ketchell is. | ||
| I mean, he's fucking way smaller than Jack Johnson. | ||
| But Jack Johnson overestimated him. | ||
| And Stanley Ketchell caught him with a murderous right hand. | ||
| Stanley Ketchell was a savage. | ||
| He was the middleweight champion of the world. | ||
| This is Tommy Burns. | ||
| It looks like Mike Tyson's punching. | ||
| beat the shit out of Tommy Burns. | ||
| See if you can fight... | ||
| Find Stanley Ketchell. | ||
| Stanley Ketchell was the guy who was the middleweight champion. | ||
| And it was a really interesting thing because Jack Johnson seems like he's taking it easy with him for a little bit. | ||
| And then Ketchell catches him with a bomb. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa! | |
| Is that it? | ||
| This is like, look, they had warm-up stuff. | ||
| They were warming up. | ||
| And they showed him training, like how they would train back then. | ||
| It's really interesting. | ||
| Nobody knew what the fuck to do. | ||
| They all just run through the streets and shit. | ||
| Like, should we run? | ||
| That's awesome. | ||
| They're just trying to figure it out. | ||
| Yeah, that's Stanley Ketchell. | ||
| Way smaller. | ||
| Just way smaller than Jack Johnson. | ||
| I mean, Johnson might have been 30 pounds heavier than him. | ||
| Maybe even more. | ||
| Do you think like a Mighty Mouse could take that dude right now? | ||
| Oh, yeah, for sure. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| Like in boxing now? | ||
| No, I mean, he wouldn't, not in boxing, but in MMA, you would never hit him. | ||
| I mean, unless you figured out some way to stop him from moving. | ||
| He's so fast. | ||
| He would anticipate your movement, and he would just slowly drag these fucking guys to the ground. | ||
| Yeah, he's like Neo from Matrix. | ||
| I started watching a bunch of clips based on your endorsement. | ||
| You were talking about how he's like pound for pound, just the craziest fighter ever. | ||
| He's my best. | ||
| It's not the craziest because he doesn't fight crazy. | ||
| He fights smart. | ||
| See if you can find where Ketchell drops him because it's a big deal. | ||
| Because nobody expected it. | ||
| I think this is already what Ketchell's getting fucked up. | ||
| You see his face is all blue. | ||
| Oh, look at that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| He got jacked. | ||
| Just back it up just a hair so we can watch that again. | ||
| back at the time, this is a giant deal because Stanley Ketchell was a white guy, and they were like, finally, we got our black guy down on the ground, and it wasn't even a big white guy that did it. | ||
| You know, and everybody wanted Jack Dempsey to come back. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They were still in denial at the point that, like, black people were... | |
| No, I think Jack Dempsey actually was after this. | ||
| Now that I'm thinking about it, I'm wrong. | ||
| They wanted Jim Jeffries, I think. | ||
| No. | ||
| Who the fuck was it that they won? | ||
| Man, my boxing history is terrible. | ||
| Dude, after he got knocked down, it was almost like he was like, oh, fuck this. | ||
| And he just went crazy and just took him out. | ||
| It looked like he was going down before he got hit. | ||
| That was weird. | ||
| Show that again. | ||
| It might have been that he got caught with his legs tied up. | ||
| Watch this. | ||
| Step on the foot. | ||
| Nope. | ||
| Hmm. | ||
| One more time. | ||
| One more time, please. | ||
| Watch this. | ||
| Step forward. | ||
| Yeah, he was almost like going down because he knew the power of the punch. | ||
| He definitely got clipped, though, as well as also ducking his head and got clipped on the way down. | ||
| But he was ducking way down where he might have fallen down or at least fallen off balance, even if he didn't get hit. | ||
| But who's the main dude that he went back and forth with? | ||
| Go to the web, to his Wikipedia. | ||
| Is it James Jeffries? | ||
| I think it is James Jeffries. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But at the time when this was going on, to have a black heavyweight champion, I mean, I don't think we can even fathom the level of racism this guy experienced. | ||
| Unreal. | ||
| I mean, literally every day worrying for his life. | ||
| Meanwhile, throwing hot dick at white chicks. | ||
| But it's almost like the Genghis Khan thing, where it's like that environment of just darkness made him such a fucking diamond. | ||
| Yeah, and he still lived 20 years older than Ralph Yumae. | ||
| That's a bummer, man. | ||
| That was a good dude. | ||
| He was a good dude. | ||
| But I mean, think about the life of a person that lived back then. | ||
| He made it to 68 and died in a car crash because he was mad that a waitress wouldn't serve him. | ||
| That's a good way to go out, though. | ||
| I guess. | ||
| It's not the worst way. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's quick. | |
| It's better than being hung by some racist. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| Dude, being hung would suck. | ||
| That sucks. | ||
| If you're going to be executed, what do you pick? | ||
| Are we really doing this, guys? | ||
| You want to talk to them? | ||
| Guys, come on. | ||
| Try to do bits. | ||
| The guy who hangs people. | ||
| What's the worst? | ||
| No, how would you want to go out? | ||
| Let's say you're setting up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bullets are pretty quick. | |
| You want it quick? | ||
| Bullets are quick. | ||
| I'd go bullets for sure. | ||
| I used to say lethal injection, but that shit's all bullets if someone knows what they're doing. | ||
| You get someone to shoot you that actually knows how to shoot people. | ||
| What if you just get hit in the dick and then you're just saying? | ||
| That's a bad way to end, like that catcher. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Just get hit right in the dick, like the head of the dick, not even like the ball. | ||
| It's just no more dick. | ||
| How long is it going to be before if you got shot in the foot and your foot blows off, they could take you to a lab and they grow you a new foot? | ||
| I think it's soon. | ||
| I feel like it's soon. | ||
| I feel like it's within 20 years. | ||
| I feel like within 20 years, they're going to be like if you, if your hand got mashed in some sort of a vice, they're going to be able to give you a new hand. | ||
| I think it might even be sooner. | ||
| It might be. | ||
| But I'm giving it 20 years, so I look smart when it comes true. | ||
| Yeah, like you called it. | ||
| You're like, yeah, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I feel like in 20 years, like, yeah, you called it. | |
| I'm all about brains, where it's like, I just don't want to go crazy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, not only that, we want to be able to repair people that have been injured, like car accidents. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Do you know the story of Sam Kinnison? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| About how, yeah, go tell the story though. | ||
| But he was one way as a child, and then his mom says that he got hit by a car. | ||
| And then after that, he was wild, just crazy. | ||
| I mean, he really got hit, like to the point of, you know, they were worried he was going to live. | ||
| He survived, and he became a fucking maniac. | ||
| And that's what I was talking about, you with Tomatoes. | ||
| He got on Twitter and just lost his representation? | ||
| No, but I think that I think that about myself a lot of times because I got hit in the head a lot when I was young. | ||
| And I'm like, well, how much did that affect me? | ||
| How much did affect my rational thinking? | ||
| How much did it affect my ability to control my impulses? | ||
| You know, like I was on a flight once with Michael Irvin. | ||
| And Michael Irvin, who's a really good guy, was talking to me about kids who grow up in terrible environments. | ||
| And that these kids, if they're in the womb, the womb, and their mother is experiencing violence or stress or domestic violence or, you know, she sees crazy shit, that those impulses go through her body and they directly affect the way the fetus develops. | ||
| And the children who grow up with violence around them, like literally they're conceived and they develop inside the womb of a mother who's experiencing all that, they have a higher propensity for violence, a shorter fuse. | ||
| They're more worried about things going badly and more intense, more quick to pull the trigger. | ||
| And that all that is a direct response, like a biological support system, like your body's trying to keep you alive. | ||
| And that the more you encounter, that sort of reinforces like the more times you get hit, the more times things hit you, the more times you get hurt, the more times you crash heads as a football player, or you get punched in the face as a boxer, the more times a tomato hits your fucking dome at 90 miles an hour by some kid who thinks it's funny. | ||
| But whatever it is, like whatever things that are rattling your skull, those things reinforce your brain's idea that violence can come at any moment and you have to be prepared. | ||
| And that's that quick trigger. | ||
| It keeps you alive. | ||
| It's the scorpion and the frog shit. | ||
| It's like your nature keeps you alive. | ||
| And that quick trigger, I think, translates to various aspects of your life. | ||
| Not just to things where there's a real situation you have to deal with. | ||
| Like, you know, you have to be able to react quickly because your body's programmed to be, oh, I get hit a lot. | ||
| I'm ready when things come to me. | ||
| I'm going to fucking fight them off. | ||
| I'm going to fight them off. | ||
| I'm ready. | ||
| Or somebody talks some shit on Twitter. | ||
| Oh, I'm going to say some crappy shit to you. | ||
| Fuck you, piece of shit. | ||
| I'm going to say something that's going to, I'm going to Call myself a white nigger. | ||
| I'm ready. | ||
| And you're like, boom, boom. | ||
| I said it first. | ||
| Yo, you dropped some crazy verbal nuclear weapon on people. | ||
| It's like I knew a lot of girls that were like sexually abusive kids as kids that became promiscuous because they're like, I'm going to fuck you before you fuck me. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Like, that's common. | ||
| Well, there is that, but I think there's also something that happens to people that were sexually abused as kids where they become hypersexual as they get older for sure. | ||
| It's not good. | ||
| I mean, we're not looking at this in a positive way, but I think it goes back to what we were talking about when it comes to throughout history, human beings molesting children, that it was insanely common. | ||
| And it probably wasn't until like what year did people realize that's a horrible thing to do? | ||
| Was it like the 1800s? | ||
| It was just one dude's like, this is crazy. | ||
| Because dude, they did the same thing with violence, though. | ||
| Like, infantry comes from infant. | ||
| Like, they would send the infantry was always like 12-year-olds. | ||
| What? | ||
| Infantry comes from infantry? | ||
| Infant. | ||
| Yeah, really? | ||
| It's for cannon fodder, man. | ||
| They used to just send out the kids to get fucked up. | ||
| Really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Like, right now in Africa, a lot of these, like, little militias, like the kids is when you get the sociopaths. | ||
| Because if you don't raise them right, they'll fucking kill anybody. | ||
| God damn. | ||
| Oh, dude, it makes me so... | ||
| And so it had a real bad situation with riddled. | ||
| Because we had a Monsignor that was messed up. | ||
| It's long, dead shit, so it doesn't matter. | ||
| But, like, he would bring in other ones, and, like, then they would just... | ||
| Yeah, for sure. | ||
| What do you think they said? | ||
| Okay, I can't even imagine. | ||
| It just lays there. | ||
| I bet it was some kind of code and shit. | ||
| This kid pushes back. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Dude, it was always, and I never think they talk like girls, like guys talk about girls. | |
| Like if guys talk about girls, like, you know, this girl is, she loves Coke and she's down to fuck. | ||
| Like, do you think they literally talked about abusing kids the same way a man would talk about, or a woman even would talk about hooking up with a guy? | ||
| Oh, God, he's got a big dick. | ||
| It's going to be awesome. | ||
| Do you think they talked about it in an openly sexual way? | ||
| I can't, I don't, I don't even know. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| Like, it's just like, is there some, did they use that code? | ||
| But it, like, it crippled. | ||
| My town is full of, like, there's some weird shit going on there with that. | ||
| Like, not the town I live in now, but the other, like, where I'm from. | ||
| Great people. | ||
| Love where I'm from. | ||
| A lot of pride where I'm from. | ||
| Great town. | ||
| But, like, there's some shit going down. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Isn't that crazy that you could be in this great area and just one element makes the whole thing chaos? | ||
| It just rots. | ||
| And everybody accepts that element because in some perverted way, you really think all that kid fucking is connected to God. | ||
| Dude, and it always was the kid with no dad and shit. | ||
| That's why I'm fucking, I have this hyper, like, like you were talking about that response shit. | ||
| That's mine where I'm like, if you going after vulnerable people makes me insane. | ||
| Well, that was the Sandusky thing, right? | ||
| Like he would always go after kids that didn't have a family and he would help them and he created all these organizations, this organization rather, to, you know, like a charity organization to help these young kids. | ||
| And he's just. | ||
| Dude, and that's why it's like, I get furious about the people that misrepresent themselves a lot more than the, like there's all these scandals in Hollywood now. | ||
| And, you know, the spacies and the wine scenes of the world are so much more dark and evil than like, you know, there was that scandal with Andy Dick, and I like Andy Dick. | ||
| I'm like, the dude's an obvious dick rabber, and he feels bad about it, and he fucking just wants to get punched. | ||
| When they asked him, what did he say? | ||
| What was his initial, what was his initial comment? | ||
| It was something like. | ||
| Like, kissing and licking is what he does. | ||
| He's been doing it for something like that. | ||
| No, misbehavior is his middle name. | ||
| Oh, yeah, misconduct is my middle name. | ||
| Misconduct. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That, you know, they were upset. | ||
| They fired him from an indie film because of sexual misconduct. | ||
| By the way, I hate to be cynical because I don't want to say that anybody wasn't victimized. | ||
| But if I was running an indie film that was so fucking stupid, I hired Andy Dick, I might be the type of guy that would make a statement about Andy being Andy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| And just like, we're going to put our foot down. | ||
| Enough. | ||
| Capital E, capital N, U, F, F, enough. | ||
| And then, hey, if you want to see this film, it's going to be appearing at the Sunset Plaza and blah, blah, blah. | ||
| It's a good move. | ||
| It at least gets people talking about something that they would never have talked about because Andy Dick hops into the river of speculation as to who's a molester. | ||
| Yeah, but like for me, he's so much less, like, he's just, he's not a snake. | ||
| Yeah, it's not like the snake in the grass where you're like, oh, that guy's misrepresenting himself, Don. | ||
| Dick Cosby. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| It's a dude who's like, oh, I grabbed a dick and got knocked out. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, he's just like a dick grabbed. | ||
| He's a big person's dick. | ||
| Whoops. | ||
| Yeah, he tried to grab my dick. | ||
| I knocked him down, and then he apologized, and I was like, you're all good, man. | ||
| I know that you're just freaked out. | ||
| You get excited about weens, man. | ||
| And Rita was like, oh, thanks for not really fucking up Annie Dick. | ||
| And I'm like, he's vulnerable. | ||
| It's about vulnerability, dude. | ||
| It's like some people are just these vulnerable people. | ||
| And like, I'm a giant. | ||
| Like, he's not trying to, it's not about power. | ||
| He just blacks out and grabs wieners. | ||
| But he's also like, in a different way than you, he's a perpetual button pusher. | ||
| But it's not necessarily like the worst thing in the world to be that button pusher, but that is what he is. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's like he's not as competent with it as you. | ||
| He doesn't navigate the waters. | ||
| Yeah, I'm not grabbing dicks. | ||
| Andy's button, like, you know, there's hills and valleys to like your interactions with people. | ||
| And like there's certain hills where you just get way too crazy with it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then you bring it down and then you try to figure out what's a good middle ground. | ||
| Andy just, it's all spikes. | ||
| It's all like, ah, bam. | ||
| He owns it. | ||
| He owns it. | ||
| Yeah, I get the ground. | ||
| And that's when I have a hard time judging people. | ||
| Like, the person I've always been is trying to not be judgmental. | ||
| It's the snakes that I'm like, oh, you're telling everyone about global warming in your private jet. | ||
| Like, you can go fuck yourself. | ||
| You know, and it's like, it's the same with like Andy. | ||
| I'm like, Andy has never acted like not a train rack dick grabber. | ||
| And like when my friend died, the dude wrote me a fucking sweet email. | ||
| Like he's a sweet man. | ||
| He just blacks out, tries to grab wieners, gets sober, no more wiener grabs. | ||
| And so when I see him getting pulled through the muck, I'm like, you can't associate him with these like power fucked up guys that are like, you want to part? | ||
| Watch me whack off on a ficus. | ||
| But here's the thing, like the you want to part guy. | ||
| Does that guy ever make it back? | ||
| No, because no one's rooting for him anyway. | ||
| You know, it's not like Iron Man. | ||
| It's like, yeah, that dude used to do a lot of fucking drugs, but we're still rooting for him because he's vulnerable. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know, it's like no one's whack. | ||
| No one relates to the guy whacking off on a fucking plant in front of Gwyneth Paltrow. | ||
| You're like, bro, you're out, man. | ||
| You're out of the tribe. | ||
| Like, that's why the dude that you just interviewed, Kilstein or whatever, like, he has a way in. | ||
| He has a way back in because everyone relates to reward. | ||
| He's not, like, actually raping people. | ||
| He just got mixed up in likes on Twitter and shit. | ||
| But this is the idea that I want to explore because I think it's fascinating. | ||
| Is there like a point where a guy fucks up too many times? | ||
| Like, say if Harvey Weinstein jerked off into one plant one time. | ||
| He was on Coke. | ||
| He got crazy and he's hanging out with some woman. | ||
| She's like one of the naked vampires in Dust Till Dawn, but she doesn't get to talk. | ||
| She's got the snake on her neck. | ||
| And she's so hot, and he's so fat and so gross. | ||
| And he's so coked up and so drunk. | ||
| And he also has a billion dollars in the bag. | ||
| And he starts singing, I can put you in a fucking movie. | ||
| I can put you in a fucking shop. | ||
| I give him benefit of the doubt. | ||
| I'm like, that guy loves photosynthesis. | ||
| He loves it. | ||
| Photosynthesis. | ||
| He's whacking on a plant. | ||
| He's like, yeah, you take fucking carbon, you make it short. | ||
| You know what photosynthesis is? | ||
| That's convecting, changing sunlight into food, right? | ||
| I thought we were talking about whacking on a plant. | ||
| But that's not photosynthesis. | ||
| Isn't a plant making shit? | ||
| Yeah, but photosynthesis is like the specific process of a plant converting sunlight into energy. | ||
| No impulse control. | ||
| I have no impulse control job. | ||
| Let's find out what that is because I could easily be wrong. | ||
| But I thought that photosynthesis meant converting sunlight. | ||
| Turning light. | ||
| Yeah, that's sugar, right? | ||
| So it's not come. | ||
| No, see, he's like, so turns out. | ||
| It's a fertilizer, bro. | ||
| Like, he's like, look at you making sugar out of sunlight. | ||
| Oh, I get it. | ||
| Oh, I get it. | ||
| So he got excited by the photosynthesis. | ||
| See, that's the thing is now people are starting to treat me like I'm this like moral high ground guy and I don't want wait hold on who's doing that because of the fucking standing up for three-year-olds and I'm like dude I wouldn't judge one plant whack I'm not there's a difference between the you know like transgender three-year-olds and some coked up studio executive of course and here's the thing like I don't want to excuse anybody's behavior that's done anything that victimizes other people but it is a fascinating aspect of Hollywood culture that forever if you wanted to get apart you had to go to the casting | ||
| couch and everybody knew it and there was a lot of those guys that had disproportionate relationships like they were disgusting right he's disgusting and his wife is fucking smoking you ever seen harvey's wife no she's smoking and you know no need to bring her into this at all but i'm just explaining like this is a consistently disproportionate relationship that exists throughout hollywood like there's the guy who is insanely wealthy but physically vile and | ||
| he somehow or another managed to dunk his dick into tens before he coaxed himself into an early grave right that is a fucking common common common theme yeah and i'm not judging the that guy who's just getting tens when he's a two that's the american dream how do you do it though exactly it's about hating women it's about it is about hating right but this is my point it's like you do not get to dunk your dick in tens unless you do all the things that that guy did he produced shakespeare and | ||
| love that's a dick dunk i'm not i'm not excusing him i'm not exonerating him and i'm saying like women do not naturally feel attracted to obese guys with bad skin it isn't this is not a common thing right like in order for him to force the outcome that he desires he has to cross cultural and appropriate boundaries you know like this is just like we're dealing with like mathematics right we're literally and i'm not exonerating him again i can't believe i have to say this but i don't want anybody taking this out of context if | ||
| you were dealing with this as a system as a biological system like say if you're looking at it from afar and you had no connection to culture no connection to civilization you'd be like well what is this how is this system working like how is this one like extremely flawed biological entity oozing its way into these perfect shapes like it finds a way to penetrate these perfect shapes with thin waist and perfect asses and beautiful faces and his face is just this pile of | ||
| slovenness and just disgust and just growing hair on top of it and a little fat dick and just shoots incompetent sperm into the mouths of tens like what what what is happening here what is happening here well what's happening here is there's no way he would have been able to do it any other way it's like so like he's not thor right he's not uh he's not some fucking ryan reynolds type character with perfect cheekbones he's just like and he's just feeding that bat | ||
| with coke and fucking booze and blowjobs and and constantly trying to put out more things that allow him to buy the biggest fucking house the highest hills and yes i mean this is literally the only way he can do that the only way he can do that is to be disgusting like girls aren't just gonna line up i loved i loved your movies and i'm just like do it to me what you want you'll get one out of a million that do that but that's not enough like they have to they would have to find him through the | ||
| crowd that's not gonna work it's not gonna work it's almost like that crazy mindset and again not exonerating not not excusing but that mindset of like look what is the mindset of someone who wants to run the fastest race what is the mindset of someone who wants to makes the fastest jet bike zero to 100 time when you're fucking hanging on to these handlebars what is the mindset of that i don't know but it seems to be some sort of bizarre | ||
| quasi competitive biological environment where people are chasing some strange unattainable highest ground right yeah it almost comes from like a slight flaw like the sand makes the pearl right like how like comedians are a like a little flawed like sure somebody commented and i i like they were talking shit but i was like you're so right they go dude owen is the tallest dude with the napoleon complex i've ever seen and i was like you're fucking right man it's like ambition comes from this weird like feeling | ||
| of threat where you're like at any moment i like i got gotta try i gotta work really hard i was trying to work on this bit but it just never went anywhere about like um civilizations based on cock size, where you got the Japanese and the English take over the whole world because their chick is like, we need more, you know, your dick no good. | ||
| And then like sub-Saharan Africans have these monster hammers and their chick's like, you're not taking over shit. | ||
| You got that big old cock. | ||
| And they just stay put. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Where it's almost like ambition sometimes can come from insecurity, which I am riddled with and a lot of ambitious people are. | ||
| Totally. | ||
| Which is the point that I was making is like, you have to be disgusting to want to chase down tail to the point where you're willing to rape at that level. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And it's like, and I think like that guy gets a billion dollars and he realizes his chicks still don't want to fuck him and he spirals. | ||
| Well, I don't think it matters. | ||
| I think he's constantly caught up in the pursuit of doing it. | ||
| You know, and I think probably it was like super exciting to get the young starlet who like didn't know any better, didn't didn't, you know, wasn't really 100% sure she was going to make it in Hollywood. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And having that threat of like controlling her career over her like a giant vampire. | ||
| And then that was the horrific nature of it for those women. | ||
| That's what's getting people particularly angry about this. | ||
| Not that he was a fat gross guy trying to get laid. | ||
| Like we've seen those throughout the throughout human history. | ||
| There's always been people trying to get laid, but is that he was doing it in a way that was victimizing. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Causing psychic scars. | ||
| Brett Ratner, same stuff today. | ||
| Oh, Jesus. | ||
| Well, now it's just getting crazy. | ||
| It's just like, it's going to be like Kermit the Frog. | ||
| It's out of control. | ||
| It's out of control. | ||
| But it's like, I'm the opposite. | ||
| I need like a ton of consent. | ||
| Like, I'm like, it's like, oh, I like your dick. | ||
| It's like, but you don't love the dick. | ||
| Have you ever seen people, like, there's been people that have said that you should have a consent form and you should videotape the signing of the consent form? | ||
| I was watching this YouTube thing where this guy was like talking about consent forms and like that you should get people to sign a consent form. | ||
| And I'm like, what? | ||
| Well, Michael Jordan does that shit. | ||
| I think if you're like a billionaire, maybe, but like, that's fucked up. | ||
| That takes away the whole thing. | ||
| Well, it's definitely a different thing. | ||
| It's like, what? | ||
| A consent form. | ||
| It's like a merger and an acquisition. | ||
| It's like two companies like your dick, like Dick Inc. | ||
| and Pussy Corp. | ||
| You know, it's like, are you cool with this? | ||
| You got to sign that shit. | ||
| Well, I mean, you're seeing things where people didn't feel cool about it many years later. | ||
| But in the moment, maybe they just let it happen and they decide that that letting it happen was way worse than they were thinking about it at the time and then decide it's some sort of a sexual assault and then it spirals onward and outwards like you know we it would be really nice if people were just attracted to each other I know but like it's like sometimes I get pissed at some of these people though when they're like talking about like eye contact being some shit like I had a friend like this is this is dark but | ||
| uh there was uh you know she was kidnapped and like gang raped and nothing yeah dude it's and uh like there's so many false or like stupid accusations that like it clogs up the system to the point where i'm like you know i want to just kill these people you know and like uh dude the wolf is getting in me the wolf well that is the booze bourbon yeah i'm talking about how i want to kill yeah yeah standard on this podcast comes up once every couple weeks but | ||
| uh yeah it made me really uh fear infrastructure like where i'm like oh the cops come with a pencil it's not that csi shit and it's like there's p there's people out there that legitimately hurt women and i i want them to die you know and it's like you know there's a nine month wait on like a rape kit because fucking some chick regretted some shit when she was like texting and coming over with condoms you know i'm like we got to start triaging some of this shit you know well you gotta we | ||
| have to be very very strict on both sides of what we tolerate you know and we we cannot tolerate real rape but we also cannot tolerate false accusations 100 we cannot tolerate indulgences where people have distorted perceptions of reality and they paint what they know somewhere at least subconsciously to be some very inaccurate interpretation of the events of course and we also can't can we we | ||
| can't condone the cosby type shit that went on for years we can't condone rape we can't condone people who drug people or abuse people we can't condone that shit we can't condone either one of those things but i think more importantly is there's something going on right now where there's a hypercharged environment where people are terrified of being called out and people are like waiting like looking around like what's gonna happen next and then people are thinking about some shit that happened to him a long time ago well you know what this | ||
| has been fucking sitting in my craw for 18 years yeah dustin hoffman it's time the world knows yeah and i don't like hard-boiled eggs dustin i don't know what's true and i don't know what's not true i do not know i i cannot comment and no one can but it's this there's something that's going on where this i would hope and i this is what i always hope i always hope that any wave that goes this way eventually goes that way and i hope that any outrage leads to more understanding yeah man | ||
| all of this stuff and all this especially this fucking rape shit that i feel like there's more rape talk today and more understanding of how many girls get approached or fucked with or harassed or even actually raped or drugged yeah than we ever thought before that i'm hoping this conversation leads to more understanding early on in people's lives before they form this idea of what is and isn't acceptable yeah because that's a good thing from it is is making people | ||
| be like you can't treat women this way especially if young kids hear it early for sure hear it when you're young so that you don't ever grow up in some sort of an environment where the people around you tell you it's okay and that it's us versus them and fuck those bitches the worst these hoes yeah there's a lot of people grow up with that i know and it's like you want to be so good that women want to fuck you that's what makes civilization grow it's the it's the move dude you know what i can play beethoven by ear you think it wasn't for someone to think i had a great penis no i'm just kidding i started when | ||
| i was three i didn't know what i was doing you did you somehow knew that you were a male you somehow identified as a piano player i always say be the man that you pretend to be when you're trying to get laid that's awesome just be that guy well we can all do that. | ||
| And by the way, if you weren't that guy two weeks ago and someone keeps like sticking your face, it doesn't mean you're not that guy now. | ||
| All right. | ||
| Relax. | ||
| Everybody relax with the finger pointing. | ||
| Like if some dude makes some sort of a terrible mistake and goes off the rails a month ago or whatever it is, it doesn't mean that he's not. | ||
| It's an ineffective process. | ||
| He's a trial and error process. | ||
| And you can't judge someone entirely by the errors. | ||
| Forgiveness and growth. | ||
| It's also like you got to judge the whole thing as a big picture. | ||
| You can't say, you know, in 2001, Arnold Schwarzenegger pulled out his dick in a sauna. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's like he was jacked up. | ||
| He's trying to beat some people in weightlifting. | ||
| I was probably trying to psychologically intimidate someone, too. | ||
| Yeah, I made love to him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look at this. | |
| You want to touch the dick where it all happened? | ||
| You think you can clean and press? | ||
|
unidentified
|
You think you can even fit this in your mouth? | |
| You're less of a man than that woman is a woman. | ||
| And another thing is we can't keep calling men like toxic because men, good men, keep these fucking shitty rapist men beaten down. | ||
| Somebody put this on a fucking poll the other day and they sent it to me. | ||
| Somebody put, they saw a photo of it or they saw an image of it and they sent it to me, whether they took it themselves. | ||
| It said, eliminate masculinity. | ||
| Listen, when the Vikings come. | ||
| And dude, you're going to need men. | ||
| And the most masculine guys I know are the least likely to fucking rape anybody. | ||
| They're the ones that defend women. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| Well, there's a few. | ||
| That's what women are attracted to. | ||
| Yeah, there's some questions. | ||
| There's some dark line. | ||
| And you know what? | ||
| Here's the thing about a lot of those dark people. | ||
| I don't mean dark like color. | ||
| You meant pigment, John. | ||
| I didn't. | ||
| The dark mindset, the predatory rapist mindset. | ||
| There's a ton of those people that come directly from trauma. | ||
| They come from being violated themselves. | ||
| They come from being in bad situations. | ||
| They come from being programmed incorrectly. | ||
| And again, I'm not exonerating them. | ||
| I'm not excusing them. | ||
| I'm just thinking that it would do us all a world of good if we could look at these people from afar. | ||
| I didn't experience that. | ||
| I didn't grow up in a family filled with crime. | ||
| I didn't grow up in a family filled with violence and murder. | ||
| And I did in a neighborhood filled with people robbing people left and right. | ||
| I didn't grow up with that. | ||
| So my looking at it as a complete third-party outsider. | ||
| But I'm thinking, I try to pretend to imagine what it was like to grow up in Watts in the 1960s. | ||
| Try to pretend what it was like to be in Compton in the 90s. | ||
| Try to pretend. | ||
| Well, this one I think transcends that is still cruelty. | ||
| Because like, I'll hang with legit gang members and feel safe. | ||
| When do you hang in with gang members? | ||
| Well, I'll do like Cleveland Improv. | ||
| And then like afterwards, I'm smoking blunts with like dudes that, you know, Cleveland Improv has gang members waiting for me. | ||
| You know, there's some fucking people, man. | ||
| It's like, you know, someone's wearing a bull's hat in the city without red or like someone's got teardrop tattoos. | ||
| And like, I don't feel scared because I don't, like, if they have a body count, it's because of threats and business. | ||
| It's not like cruelty. | ||
| And I think that there's, even in like fucked up environments, you still have the cruel man and the good man, even if they like do things that you don't agree with in your social economic area. | ||
| Well, that's the hero's journey, right? | ||
| The strong person that's kind enough to take care of the people that are weak. | ||
| That's what everybody wants, right? | ||
| Someone who is a strong person that looks out for the weak person, which is why everybody, like the term bully, which I think gets overused. | ||
| Like sometimes bullying gets used when people are equals and when someone's critiquing someone. | ||
| Oh, you're a bully. | ||
| Like, oh, no, no, no, no. | ||
| Listen, I just think that's stupid. | ||
| That doesn't make me a bully. | ||
| You're using it wrong. | ||
| We're not talking about children. | ||
| We're not talking about people that are physically weaker than me. | ||
| Like, let's be clear about what the fuck we mean when we say this very polarizing word. | ||
| But that word is polarizing because we absolutely don't want to be the person that's in the position of physical, moral, ethical, economic, whatever it is, superiority, who has influence over the other person's life and steps in and fucks with it. | ||
| That's what a bully is. | ||
| Because people respond okay with passion. | ||
| Like you can be like, fuck these people. | ||
| And people are like, okay, even if you're a little off the mark, you're not trying to hurt people to make yourself feel better for your own inadequacies. | ||
| That's what's evil. | ||
| Or if you are, you need to understand that that's what you're doing. | ||
| Right, because we're all evil. | ||
| We're all evil and good. | ||
| Just make the move. | ||
| But also just to have someone point it out makes you go, am I? | ||
| Like, and think about it. | ||
| You're not necessarily your words and your actions. | ||
| What you are is how you've dealt with your past words and actions and made corrections. | ||
| I mean, that's really what you are. | ||
| I mean, and that's what's really important. | ||
| Because if we don't give people that leeway, they don't ever learn from their mistakes. | ||
| If they don't ever learn from their mistakes, then we're essentially committing to a future with no one learning anything. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's like I gave Dave Smith and Stephen Crowder both this compliment. | ||
| It's like, because even if you disagree with someone, the thing I love about people is like, if you make a good point, they look excited and happy versus threatened. | ||
| And I'm like, even if you're not on the path that I'm on, you're still trying to like carve your fucking sculpture to look beautiful and not a threatening posture. | ||
| Yeah, and that has nothing to do with the left or the right. | ||
| I mean, it's really just how you approach information. | ||
| Yeah, 100%. | ||
| Yeah, because I think a lot of times people from the right do not want to accept good ideas from the left and vice versa. | ||
| I think that's just a real issue that people have. | ||
| And that's a weakness, too. | ||
| It is a weakness. | ||
| And I've experienced it from my own mind, and I'm sure you have from yours. | ||
| Bro, you've seen my Twitter. | ||
| Everybody has. | ||
| But it's important that we realize, like, what is that reaction that we had? | ||
| And how do we mitigate the negative aspects of it? | ||
| And how do we figure out how we got to that point where we said something maybe we didn't believe? | ||
| Or we reacted to something in a way where if given time to reconsider the potential of going this way with it or that way with it, we'd probably come up with a better idea. | ||
| Yeah, and a cool thing you do for men, especially men, because I can speak on behalf of men because I identify with a wiener in Boston. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| It's like you make people think about their actions, where it's like... | ||
| That's what you think about yours too, which is why we gravitate to each other. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| Where it's like, Is this productive for me, my family, society? | ||
| Like, what exactly am I doing right now? | ||
| And it's like, and with my recent shit, like, some people are like, Oh, how does your wife feel about your spiral? | ||
| I'm like, I'm like, She's never wanted to me more, dude. | ||
| Your Twitter numbers keep going up, dude. | ||
| I know, my where's the spiral? | ||
| I know, and I'm like, oh, I'm representing a group of people that they keep writing me emails like, thank you so much for not calling me just evil for my, like, what I, you know, my basic beliefs. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because I'm not supporting racist, sexist, bigot, homophob, K, K, K, you know? | ||
| It's fucking crazy, dude. | ||
| And it's like, and I'm not going to fall in that trap either where I'm like, oh, I had a Jewish grandmother. | ||
| My wife's Hispanic. | ||
| My piano teacher's fucking trans. | ||
| It's like, no, my idea is strong and I don't need to justify it with my association with people that you fucking care. | ||
| You have justified it and with good reason. | ||
| Like, it really does. | ||
| It is a Trump card. | ||
| When you say, hey, look, my dad's probably gay. | ||
| Hey, look. | ||
| My dad wears outfits that are questionable, but he's a loving man. | ||
| Hey, look, my piano teacher used to be a dude. | ||
|
unidentified
|
A woman now used to be a dude. | |
| He's a woman. | ||
| A woman, now a dude. | ||
| Yeah, I became wary. | ||
| Same thing. | ||
| It's all good. | ||
| It's all that. | ||
| My wife's Hispanic and not extra Spanish like Home Depot, Mexican. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| So like anybody, but anybody that calls you a white supremacist, like, okay, I see what you're trying to do. | ||
| And it is so transparent that it minimizes everything you're ever going to say ever from this point on on this subject. | ||
| Because I always have to think, well, your intentions are disingenuous. | ||
| What you're trying to do is divert people from the actual reality. | ||
| So this Sean King guy, maybe he's a really good guy. | ||
| Or maybe he's just a white guy. | ||
| He's a dickhead. | ||
| Well, he's definitely a white guy. | ||
| And maybe he's a good guy. | ||
| He could be an albino-Nigerian. | ||
| I don't think he's that. | ||
| I don't think so either. | ||
| He looks just like his dad and his brother. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, he does. | |
| Maybe he's a really good guy. | ||
| And this is just, he hangs out with the wrong people and has the wrong ideas in his head. | ||
| And he's followed the wrong operating system to an illogical perspective. | ||
| Where the only way to disagree with you is to call you a guy married to a Home Depot Mexican, a white supremacist. | ||
| It's okay. | ||
| I know you love your wife. | ||
| Yeah, she's a joke. | ||
| It's a joke. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| That's a joke. | ||
| She doesn't work at Home Depot. | ||
| She works at Lowe's. | ||
| Listen, I've known you for a long time. | ||
| You're the opposite of a racist. | ||
| You're just not. | ||
| Yeah, it's so fucked up. | ||
| Like, right now in 2017, it's like, if you're truly not, you sound almost racist because you're like, if I'm going to make fun of the whites, I'm making fun of everybody. | ||
| Well, not only that, like, if you stand up and say, hey, you can't just openly make fun of all white people, that's fucking racist too. | ||
| And if you do, I'm going to talk about, you know, your employment record. | ||
| Dude, I saw this lady's tweets, and I did not retweet it. | ||
| I thought about retweeting. | ||
| I'm like, I should fucking turn some fire on this bitch. | ||
| Well, that's what I'm for. | ||
| Just let me know. | ||
| I'll turn up the heat. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| I don't want to be the guy whose DMs get discovered and finds out I've been secretly plotting against radical feminists. | ||
| But this lady wrote, she wrote, all white cisgendered, if you don't know what cisgendered is, it's not real. | ||
| But what it is is heterosexual men who are actually heterosexual. | ||
| Ta-da. | ||
| It's a way to marginalize normal people. | ||
| That's a normal McDonald joke. | ||
| She goes, all white cisgendered men are shit unless proven otherwise. | ||
| Okay, honey, you might be a cunt. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Cunt. | ||
| And I know you don't want to be a cunt, but you probably, like, I don't, maybe it's the geometry of your nasal passage to cheekbone to chin structure. | ||
| Maybe you got crooked teeth. | ||
| Maybe you're unathletic and guys don't want to fuck you. | ||
| Maybe you've dealt with all the wrong guy. | ||
| Maybe you have perfect genetics. | ||
| Maybe your brain is accelerated. | ||
| Maybe you look at me like I'm the stupid ape that I am. | ||
| I don't know what the answer is. | ||
| But you can't say that and have no repercussions for your action. | ||
| You can't say all white, straight men who identify as men are shit until proven otherwise. | ||
| Because that is crazy. | ||
| It's racist, sexual. | ||
| And it's stupid. | ||
| Because if that was the case, if we were all shit, there would be a goddamn rape festival in the streets of every major city all over the world. | ||
| If you really thought that we were all bad, let me tell you what all bad looks like. | ||
| All bad looks like the world filled with coked up Vikings just running through the street, mouth fucking everybody you've ever met. | ||
| That's what men can do. | ||
| And I'm not bragging, but that's what, if you're, if you, if you have lingerie on and you can close your eyes and walk through a football field in front of a large crowd, like one of them cheerleaders for like football, and no one just tackles you and starts fucking you in front of 50,000 people, that is because most people don't want that to happen. | ||
| That's why. | ||
| Well, I'm convinced that's why they keep coming at like white American dudes because we're some of the most chill guys. | ||
| Nah, but we've done some dumb. | ||
| No, there's some fucked up shit. | ||
| But they're coming at us for a reason. | ||
| And I don't say us. | ||
| No, they're coming at people. | ||
| We don't have a rape culture, though. | ||
| We see a rapist, we go, fuck that guy. | ||
| Well, there is a lot of rape. | ||
| But the problem is, until now, there wasn't enough of an ability to express what rape. | ||
| And on both sides, like some people calling things rape. | ||
| That's like, wait a minute, wait a minute. | ||
| You were both drunk and it was consensual. | ||
| It's rape. | ||
| That's how you ruin a dude's life too, a false rape. | ||
| And that's happened. | ||
| I had Thaddeus Russell on. | ||
| He was talking about the incident in Occidental College where a man and a woman, technically, they're both like over 18, they got drunk. | ||
| They decided to have sex. | ||
| The girl called the guy, text him, you have condoms, the whole deal. | ||
| They agreed to get together. | ||
| And after the fact, the girl's friends decided that it was sexual assault because she was intoxicated, not even taking into account. | ||
| They were both intoxicated. | ||
| And they both agreed. | ||
| And there was text messages back and forth. | ||
| Remorse does not equal rape. | ||
| Having a bad experience. | ||
| 100% both for the guy and the girl. | ||
| I mean, it's just like people fuck up and they make mistakes. | ||
| So you got to figure out what is and what isn't. | ||
| And what Thaddeus was talking about was that the girl went back to school with no repercussions, but the boy was obviously. | ||
| His life's over, dude. | ||
| Life is over. | ||
| Yeah, dude. | ||
| Double cross. | ||
| They were two people who were attracted to each other, who were exchanging text messages, who were influenced by the ideals and the ideology of all the people around them. | ||
| Dude, and it's almost like how the media just hits Trump so hard that sometimes I'm like, back off so I can mock him a little. | ||
| Where it's like, cause I have that instinct of like, dude, I can't mock a guy everyone's fucking unfairly calling shit he's not. | ||
| But it's like, look at this guy who in Occidental College, I don't remember his name, but look at this kid and then compare him to Bill Cosby. | ||
| Dude, exactly. | ||
| Let us call out real snakes. | ||
| Let's call a real rapist, a real rapist, and call an 18-year-old kid who was drunk, or I don't know how old he is, maybe he's 20, and a 20-year-old girl who was drunk. | ||
| Call them kids. | ||
| Call them kids who it's not like this guy drugged her and duct taped her. | ||
| Let's look at what it really is. | ||
| Is it really just two kids that got intoxicated and had intercourse with each other? | ||
| And then one of them felt bad? | ||
| God damn, how many times do you feel bad about sex? | ||
| A lot. | ||
| Because it's almost like that thing about the leprechaun that he got caught. | ||
| The leprechaun girl. | ||
| It's like an old parable. | ||
| It's real short. | ||
| I'm not going to drag on a parable, but like a leprechaun got caught and he's like, yeah, I'll give you the treasure. | ||
| It's under the tree with the fucking ribbon on it. | ||
| So he put the ribbon on all the trees. | ||
| So now the ribbon doesn't mean shit. | ||
| So if everything's rape, rape isn't rape. | ||
| It's like if everything's racist, racism isn't racism. | ||
| And you're like, you're now taking away our ability to identify predators. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And it's like, dudes like us, it's like, ladies, I promise you, if a guy brags about rape, we'll fuck that dude up. | ||
| It's like no one likes that guy. | ||
| You're in a small enough community where people feel responsibility. | ||
| Right. | ||
| That's the big problem. | ||
| I read about this once. | ||
| There's a phrase called diffusion of responsibility that happens in a large group of people that see something happen. | ||
| Like there was a picture. | ||
| Kitty Genevieve, where she got killed in front of 40 people in New York City. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| There was a picture, a video rather, from Chicago really recently. | ||
| See if you can find Jamie. | ||
| Where a guy assaults a woman and he did it on a security camera. | ||
| He headkicked her and knocked her out. | ||
| I mean, it was fucking awful. | ||
| I don't know what led to it, but this guy punched her and then, I mean, like, skillfully head-kicked her. | ||
| Like, he took martial arts before. | ||
| She gets KO'd. | ||
| She falls down and a bunch of people walk over and start filming her. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| This is one that I don't think I retweeted because I think I'm not entirely sure if I remember correctly, but I think I thought about retweeting. | ||
| I'm like, look, people don't need to see this. | ||
| This is not something I want to promote and support. | ||
| But it was, someone wrote, this is like an episode of Black Mirror because this guy kicked this girl and instead of calling 911, these people are filming this girl while she's curled up in a, did you find it? | ||
| I don't even know if I want you to find it. | ||
| But this girl curls up in a fetal position on the sidewalk and they're standing around her filming it. | ||
| Well, I think a big political divide isn't good, evil, blah, blah, blah. | ||
| It's population density. | ||
| It's like cities, like what we're talking about, all these monkeys going by each other and no one's eating each other's faces. | ||
| You want a powerful government to keep it chill. | ||
| But if you live in a place with a 40-minute police response time, it's about individuality. | ||
| And that's when you start going more libertarian because it's like, well, I have a gun and chickens, you know, versus like a big city where it's like, we need a powerful government to keep everyone relaxed. | ||
| Well, you can't always rely on daddy. | ||
| Oh, dude, I'm always ready to go. | ||
| Oh, dude, I've seen fucking daddy doesn't do shit. | ||
| Daddy's a guy who wanted a job being daddy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's what police daddy is. | ||
| Police daddy is, I mean, and sometimes you get great guys and sometimes you get fools. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's like across the board. | ||
| Like you might run into the best guy ever when you're shopping at Walgreens. | ||
| You might run into a fucking moron. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know, and it's like a job needed to be filled and you might have hit the perfect guy. | ||
| And I love the way you describe cops. | ||
| It's like, it's the hardest job in the world. | ||
| The hardest. | ||
| The hardest. | ||
| And then you meet cops. | ||
| They're like, God bless you, man. | ||
| You're the greatest. | ||
| And then you meet cops and I'm like, oh, you wanted power. | ||
| Fuck you, man. | ||
| And it's like, it's such a hard job. | ||
| It's like teacher, you know, it's like all my family are teachers. | ||
| And it's like, oh, these are like, oh, throw away job. | ||
| I'm just going to be a teacher. | ||
| It's like, oh, you're going to educate the youth and cops are going to keep us safe. | ||
| Those are our fucking warrior heroes, you know? | ||
| You know what? | ||
| I mean, this is a very easy thing for me to say when I say I haven't had a bad experience with cops because I haven't. | ||
| I really haven't. | ||
| I mean, I've had cops like get mouthy with me before, but I've always, I've always said, no, sir. | ||
| Thank you very much. | ||
| I've always been like, I've always like immediately tried to diffuse the situation, but I'm a white guy. | ||
| I, you know, I speak pretty calmly. | ||
| I'm a comedian. | ||
| I'm an entertainer. | ||
| A lot of them know me from the UFC. | ||
| At this point, it's almost like I'm out of the game. | ||
| This point, like cops run into me, like almost all cops are fans of the UFC. | ||
| So if I run into a cop, the cop's like, oh, it's Joe Rogan. | ||
| Hey, what's up, man? | ||
| I'm like, hey, hey, what's up, man? | ||
| And he realizes, like, oh, this is a guy. | ||
| I'm not a terrorist. | ||
| Like, I'm not a criminal. | ||
| I'm out of the confusion. | ||
| Like, he doesn't have to worry about me shooting him in the head. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, totally. | |
| And it's like, I shake his hand. | ||
| I'm like, what's up, brother? | ||
| How you doing? | ||
| And we're all good. | ||
| So I'm almost looking at it like a privileged outsider. | ||
| But even when I was young, because you know, my actual biological dad was a cop. | ||
| I don't know him. | ||
| I never knew him. | ||
| I mean, I knew him until I was like six. | ||
| He's got great jeans in him, bro. | ||
| But that. | ||
| But when I was a kid, I remember thinking, like, what a crazy job. | ||
| Like, he has to go out and arrest bad guys. | ||
| Fear, fear, fear. | ||
| It's also probably one of the reasons why led him to be so fucked up. | ||
| You know, and I never really let him off the hook for that. | ||
| But I saw a lot of dark shit from my actual biological dad when I was a little kid, like violent stuff. | ||
| And I was like, well, of course. | ||
| He's a cop in New Jersey in 1967. | ||
| Like, how do you not be fucking violent? | ||
| Totally. | ||
| You're not going to live. | ||
| You're not going to survive. | ||
| You're on the front line. | ||
| And then going from that to martial arts, from the time I was like 15 years old, I was completely immersed in martial arts. | ||
| And I ran into a ton of cops. | ||
| And they were all like regular guys. | ||
| And it made me think, okay, when I think of a cop, I don't think of someone that I'm running into that's trying to lock me up. | ||
| I think of some poor guy who has this position in life where he's the guy who has to put the badge on and hold the gun And wear the stupid hat and stand in front of the criminal and go, put your hands up, put your hands up, and hope he doesn't get shot by a guy behind him that he doesn't know exists. | ||
| And this is his life 24-7, all day long. | ||
| Comes home to his kids, they're sleeping, he kisses them on the head, and he thinks about the kid that he saw shot in the apartment building in the Bronx. | ||
| Oh, dude. | ||
| He has to think about that stuff. | ||
| It's like I'm boys with a lot of cops where I live, and a lot of them are troopers who are like really well-trained, and they're like the coolest dudes ever. | ||
| And they just, it's almost like the cop's emotion is just like where it's like, you just microwaved your fucking baby, dude. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, where it's like they see the shit, and then like I do benefits for like tour de force and shit for like fallen officers. | ||
| And because I have so much compassion for that shit, man. | ||
| It's like they are the watchdogs of our area, but then you get the bad seed or you get someone who makes a horrific mistake and then justice isn't given. | ||
| And that's why it's complicated. | ||
| You know, sometimes it's about like lawsuits where it's like, you know, someone fucks up and no one wants to admit they're wrong. | ||
| And then the community that witnessed that is like, they want, they're like, they just want justice. | ||
| What's also the punishment of fucking up is so extreme. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| Imagine if we bomb and we fucking kill them. | ||
| They come back. | ||
| You know, it's like one of our jokes bombs and someone fucking's kid dies. | ||
| Like that's why, dude, cops deserve a lot of respect. | ||
| Dude, it's like, it's a crazy job. | ||
| It's a crazy job and you're dealing with pressure that most of us could never possibly imagine. | ||
| And the life and death decisions happen at the blink of an eye and you are responsible for those decisions for the rest of your life. | ||
| And this is like something that I talk about too much. | ||
| I've got a piss so bad. | ||
| Jamie, can you keep a conversation with Owen Benjamin? | ||
| I'm a lightweight. | ||
| I don't know how to hold my pee anymore. | ||
| I'll be right back. | ||
| Hey, no, Malcolm Gladwell's got that blink, that blink book. | ||
| Yeah, hold on to that thought. | ||
| Talk to Jamie. | ||
| I will. | ||
| Hey, Jamie, what's going down? | ||
| What's going on, man? | ||
| Man, he's about to pee out of his car. | ||
| I know this is the first time. | ||
| He's had to do this during a podcast, I think. | ||
| So Rocktober fucked him up. | ||
| Yeah, he never has to piss. | ||
| Never. | ||
| It's a three and a hour or two and a half hours in. | ||
| Dude, I think this one's going to go for a while. | ||
| Yeah, I was going to get you guys some more ice if you needed it. | ||
| Dude, I fucking love Rogan, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's such a good dude. | |
| What are you looking at? | ||
| I had a couple of things pulled up to talk to you guys about. | ||
| You can talk to me about anything, man. | ||
| We were talking about South Park before this. | ||
| Dude, the greatest show ever made. | ||
| What was going on? | ||
| You said the Halloween episode just happened. | ||
| Yeah, dude, it's about... | ||
| The dudes Drink Jack and Smoke Crack. | ||
| That's not a spoiler. | ||
| It's the first act of the episode, but definitely check it out. | ||
| I just think that sometimes people ask me where I land politically, and I usually just tell them South Park. | ||
| Because it's just as objective as you can probably get to the point where Trey Parker is like a fucking genius. | ||
| Dude, awesome. | ||
| Such a big fan. | ||
| I wish he would come talk to us here one time. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Trey Parker, if you're listening, you did hire me once at Comic-Con in San Diego. | ||
| I don't know if you remember that to host a thing. | ||
| So why don't you come on the Rogan podcast? | ||
| Yeah, they just had their new video game came out. | ||
| I don't know if I was trying to explain that to you. | ||
| You were talking about the game. | ||
| Oh, it's about taking a shot. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's about taking a shit. | |
| The game is called Fractured Butthole. | ||
| Not butthole, but the word B-U-T in the W-H-O-L-E. | ||
| Oh, butthole. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Play on the hole. | ||
| That's profound. | ||
| But you have to take a shit in everybody's house all over the city to be making your mark. | ||
| Dude, the thing I love about South Park is that they go after everybody, and that's why I have so much respect for them. | ||
| You know, they tried to go after Islam as much as they went after the Mormons. | ||
| And that's why I'm like, you guys are great. | ||
| You know, because it's all about just like no one gets a pass, because that's when you create martyrs and shit. | ||
| I like doing podcasts way better, high and stoned and drunk. | ||
| Dude, this is way fun. | ||
| It's way more fun. | ||
| Sober October is important. | ||
| You know why? | ||
| Just like running up a hill is important because it makes you appreciate naps. | ||
| Dude, and weight vests, I miss my weight fast. | ||
| You talk about weight vests and chins. | ||
| Yeah, you got to do chin-ups with weight vests. | ||
| It's very important. | ||
| Do you like chin-ups more than pull-ups? | ||
| They're both the same to me. | ||
| I just need pulling exercises. | ||
| I mean, there's a bunch of different ones. | ||
| I actually have these things where the handles rotate, so you can do them a bunch of different ways. | ||
| But it's just a matter of lifting your body weight. | ||
| I think when I talked about movement before, it's one of the things that I got from this whole month of doing yoga. | ||
| And I knew I've been doing yoga pretty extensively. | ||
| Oh, this guy's a switching back and forth. | ||
| That's a good move. | ||
| Is that tough? | ||
| I was going to ask you about that. | ||
| Yeah, it's hard to do. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's hard to release because you're essentially throwing yourself up and then exploding to catch yourself. | ||
| I wonder if you wax off like that. | ||
| Why not? | ||
| Why wouldn't you just keep switching? | ||
| What I learned from the yoga thing, though, and I've learned over the last few years, is like it's a balance issue. | ||
| Like what yoga does is balance everything out. | ||
| Not just balance in terms of your ability to stand on one foot, but also balance the difference between the strength of your major muscle groups and then your tendons and your back and your core and the connecting things like your knees and your hips and all these things you never take into consideration. | ||
| Like you don't really put a lot of emphasis on when you're doing other things. | ||
| But when you do yoga, you realize, oh, my feet are giving out first. | ||
| Huh? | ||
| Oh, like my hips are getting sore when I get into triangle pose. | ||
| Like, oh, my, you know, and all that different stuff that you do that like it leads to like the strengthening, strengthening of ignored aspects of the entire system. | ||
| And it also keeps you off your phone. | ||
| Like I've been doing hot yoga with my wife and it's like, it's so hard and she's so good at it. | ||
| And like, it's so funny because she'll do, we'll do hot yoga together like once a week, maybe twice a week. | ||
| And she'll get real horny and I'm get real dehydrated. | ||
| So it's like that, it's the most frustrating combination because it's like she gets really in touch with her body and she's so fucking hot and it's like awesome. | ||
| But then I'm like, oh, I need about a gallon of water to make my cock like awesome. | ||
| Well, just drink that gallon of water. | ||
| I work on it. | ||
| But I usually under bring water into the hot area. | ||
| The key to the yoga is you got to drink the water beforehand. | ||
| I'm usually hungover from the fucking PBRs. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You got to drink, especially the hot yoga, you got to drink like, try to drink like a liter, like a liter of water, like maybe, you know, an hour before. | ||
| Maybe even more. | ||
| Yeah, I try to drink, what is 64 ounces? | ||
| How much is that a house? | ||
| This is probably going ounces to liters. | ||
| It's all confusing. | ||
| God, I wish we would switch over to the metric system. | ||
| It's way better. | ||
| But that one English fucking king that just screwed it for everybody. | ||
| Is that what it went? | ||
| Yeah, dude. | ||
| They tried his foot with his foot. | ||
| But we tried it again in the United States in, I want to say the 70s or the 80s. | ||
| 2.7 liters per day. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hold on. | |
| 91 ounces, 64 ounces of water per day. | ||
| Recommended we consume 91 ounces. | ||
| Okay, so 2.7 liters is 91 ounces. | ||
| So 64 liters is probably somewhere in the neighborhood of 2 liters. | ||
| Oh, yeah, 1.8. | ||
| 1.89 liters. | ||
| I think that's what I bring to yoga. | ||
| I bring a 64 ounce thing. | ||
| I think if you can get that in, though, before class, like if you could get up early and drink water with lemon in it, you'll have a better performance. | ||
| Because it's literally like, and I see it a lot from guys that get dehydrated and try to make weight. | ||
| You're literally dealing with the electrical signals that go to your muscles. | ||
| They're not going to fire. | ||
| And brain. | ||
| And brain, yeah. | ||
| Like I got a camel pack and I crush it while I'm mowing my lawn. | ||
| Do you? | ||
| You have one of those? | ||
| Like a water bladder and with a straw? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| Yeah, because I use it when I cross-country ski because if I pull my hand out of my glove, like my hand freezes. | ||
| Yeah, those are great for hiking too. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And hot, well, if you're at hot or cold weather at high climates, at high altitudes. | ||
| Oh, you get dehydrated as shit. | ||
| Like in Aspen, like the Aspen Comedy Festival back in the day. | ||
| In that day, I remember that. | ||
| I'd have like three beers and be like, I'm king of the world. | ||
| I did a show with Lewis Black, and they had oxygen backstage for us. | ||
| Really? | ||
| I was like, Lewis, what the fuck is the oxygen for? | ||
| He's like, I guess if one of us goes too hard, they slap that fucking mask on your face. | ||
| I was like, that's crazy. | ||
| Dude, training up there, that's like where the Olympics train and shit sometimes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because it's like a plate layer. | ||
| They're fucking like dying for it. | ||
| Anytime you can get at high altitude, it just, they say you should actually work out at low altitude, but live most of your life at high altitude. | ||
| I'm at like 3,000. | ||
| That's good. | ||
| 3,000 is definitely better than zero. | ||
| You know, and if you can get accustomed to that, they say, I talked to a dude once when I lived in Boulder, and he told me that it takes three years for you to fully acclimate to a high altitude. | ||
| But that once you do fully acclimate, there's like extreme cardiovascular benefits. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| But you get a sweet boner. | ||
| Maybe not. | ||
| Maybe that's the trade-off. | ||
| You can run forever, but your dick is always three-quarter masked. | ||
| That's what I miss about LA is the beach runs and the people. | ||
| No, it's the people, like dudes like you and like just really like brilliantly creative people. | ||
| And also the beach runs and shit. | ||
| It's the physical beauty here. | ||
| I don't miss the entertainment industry or the traffic. | ||
| It's a different kind of beauty, right? | ||
| Like you're in the mountains. | ||
| Oh, it's so gorgeous, but I miss those like the oxygen zero fucking feet sea level, just running. | ||
| We used to live in Marina del Rey and that path, I just listened to Dan Carlin, just listened about fucking Genghis Khan as I just run with my fucking camel pack. | ||
| And that was a blast. | ||
| That's the thing about LA that I think is really beautiful is like the amount of biomes, like mountain, you know, there's some desert, there's some beach. | ||
| Ocean. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, I think you're right. | ||
| But I think, you know, if you have the ability to travel to all of them, you'll, well, I think you appreciated probably where you moved when you first moved there, right? | ||
| Yeah, and I still love it though, man. | ||
| Like now I'm like, I always miss it when I'm away from it. | ||
| But I know what you're saying. | ||
| Yeah, it's easy, right? | ||
| It's easy to get like real accustomed to what you see right in front of your face. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And like, I have so many memories now with my family there and my chickens just giving me food every day. | ||
| They just keep shitting out eggs and feeding. | ||
| You don't have wolves up there either, right? | ||
| We got coyotes, and I've learned a lot about coyotes from your podcast. | ||
| Dan Flores. | ||
| Do you kill them? | ||
| They multiply. | ||
| They're like gremlins. | ||
| You can't kill coyotes. | ||
| It's actually the worst thing you can do. | ||
| There's a type of fishers. | ||
| Fisher cats. | ||
| They keep jacking my shit. | ||
| And foxes and raccoons are my enemies. | ||
| Coyotes, not so much. | ||
| Coyotes will get a chicken if they can, but coyotes are smart. | ||
| They're oddly clever. | ||
| Like, they figure out how to avoid people. | ||
| You know, one of the things that I found most fascinating about Dan Flores' book, Coyote America, was the mythology that the Native Americans had about coyotes. | ||
| That the coyote was essentially a god. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And the coyote was a god that was watching over you, like watching what you did all the time, constantly judging you. | ||
| It was really weird. | ||
| Like the Native American and some tribes, their interpretation of what a coyote was is really fascinating. | ||
| I mean, they're pretty powerful if like if they jack your chickens, like sometimes like we're talking about empathy, like what's it like to live a different life. | ||
| I'm like, what if I needed these chickens? | ||
| Like I got more chickens, but we had one chicken Holocaust. | ||
| And I'm like, we're fucked now. | ||
| Imagine if that was like the winner and like the chickens are gone. | ||
| It's like, what do we eat? | ||
| Right. | ||
| But here's the thing. | ||
| You weren't fucked, but the coyote is. | ||
| Like this is, I had a weird come to Jesus moment when it came to coyotes when a coyote stole one of my chickens and I watched it. | ||
| You were talking about that he tricked my dog. | ||
| Something dick. | ||
| He called it. | ||
| It's a honey dick. | ||
| Honey dick. | ||
| Honey dick, Johnny Cash. | ||
| Johnny Cash is my master. | ||
| Mastiff. | ||
| And Johnny Cash is a tank. | ||
| This is how fucked up Johnny Cash is. | ||
| Johnny Cash got into the chicken coop just a couple of months ago. | ||
| Just a couple of months ago, Johnny Cash tore through the chicken wire with his paws and got in and it was a chicken Holocaust in there. | ||
| Just killed a chicken. | ||
| He's eating him? | ||
| Yeah, he killed like four chickens in one setting. | ||
| It was a disaster. | ||
| And I saw him in my underwear. | ||
| I went outside. | ||
| I was like, I looked out the window and I saw the chicken. | ||
| I was like, fuck. | ||
| And I ran downstairs in my underwear. | ||
| I yanked him out of the chicken coop. | ||
| I pick him up and throw him outside. | ||
| He's fucking 12. | ||
| He's an old man. | ||
| Good for him, but he's just still getting after it. | ||
| Just getting it. | ||
| Do you like name your chickens and get bummed with it? | ||
| Well, I don't, but my wife got it. | ||
| My wife got the same fucking name. | ||
| Yeah, like Clucky and fucking Meredith and shit. | ||
| Princess Petunia. | ||
| Princess Petunia got jacked by Johnny Cash. | ||
| A little FYI. | ||
| Dude, my wife names like deer and shit, like one Spot. | ||
| And I'm like, I think my brother wants to kill Spot, dude. | ||
| Yeah, I'd fuck spot up. | ||
| I don't do that. | ||
| You know, but that's the thing. | ||
| It's like, if they were in my neighborhood, I would probably name them too. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I'm on the road a lot, and that's when I know she misses me when she's like, oh, here comes David. | ||
| I'm like, the raccoon. | ||
| It's always just a fucking animal. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Spot might have to go. | ||
| David might have to go. | ||
| Yeah, because my brother's getting into hunting now. | ||
| And I think he wants to kill Spot. | ||
| So you have thought, you talked about it before the podcast that you thought about actually getting into hunting yourself, but you don't want to wound it out. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It has to be a quick kill. | ||
| Because I would love to hunt. | ||
| And my wife wants me to hunt because my uncle hunts a lot. | ||
| Whenever we stay with him, he's always got pheasant and shit. | ||
| And it gets me pretty jacked up. | ||
| Like natural animals, I think there is some juice in it. | ||
| There's something different. | ||
| There's something going on. | ||
| Does anybody around you hunt and is willing to take you and mentor you? | ||
| Everybody. | ||
| They want to mentor you? | ||
| Fuck yeah. | ||
| All you have to do is learn how to shoot a rifle. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And here's, I mean, there's a lot you could read about shooting, but you have to get someone who sets up the scope correctly, sets up the rifle correctly, and then you just have to have someone teach you the proper form and how to just only move your finger. | ||
| Just pull, pull, pull, pull, pull, pull, and get a surprise shot. | ||
| You can't go if you try to shoot because you'll flinch. | ||
| And a minor movement left or right over 100 yards could equal, it could be the difference between a lethal shot and shooting an animal in the butt. | ||
| And anybody who's shot a rifle, including me, has done that before. | ||
| It's not good. | ||
| And we shoot a lot. | ||
| We'll shoot AR-15s and shit. | ||
| We'll get a nice section of land. | ||
| My brother has 40 acres in this beautiful area. | ||
| And it's like, and by the way, it's so cheap up there, dude. | ||
| You can get an acre for like 800 bucks. | ||
| You know, and you just get this, this. | ||
| Wait, you can get an acre of land for 800 bucks? | ||
| And it's the most beautiful shit you've ever seen. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Is there direct flights? | |
| There's an airport in fucking Serena. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, there's one directory that I'm not going to name. | |
| You have to fly like Syracuse or some shit and then take a puddle jumper that could kill flights. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But there's enough super wealthy people there that we have a pretty legit airport in this little area. | ||
| Right, but they fly their own jets in. | ||
| Those fuckers. | ||
| They do. | ||
| They fly their private jets into your little funky town. | ||
| Yeah, and then they just sit there and then we are always like, will you pay us to hunt for you? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But dude, you'd like it up there. | ||
| My brother's like, dude, ask me if he wants to hunt. | ||
| 'Cause it's like, it's like What kind of animals? | ||
| We have moose, deer. | ||
| It's probably hard to get a moose tag, though, right? | ||
| No, it's not that hard. | ||
| Moose, it's hard to miss. | ||
| You're talking about shooting a house. | ||
| They're like an ancient looking animal, man. | ||
| They're so crazy looking. | ||
| And they're fucking vicious. | ||
| Oh, well, they are rare in the deer family. | ||
| Like, all deer will fuck you up if they have to. | ||
| Especially when they're in rut. | ||
| They're just like. | ||
| Yeah, but a moose will try to fuck you up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's a difference because they're constantly deering with grizzly bears and brown bears. | ||
| And they can fuck you up. | ||
| They can fuck you up. | ||
| They're big, dude. | ||
| I saw one once up there and it was like a come to Jesus moment where I'm like, oh, I'm not, I'm a guest in this area. | ||
| Dude, I shot one that was young. | ||
| He was like a forky. | ||
| Like he had like a little fork on the left and a fork on the right. | ||
| And each one of his legs was over 100 pounds. | ||
| I had to scoop his leg up and throw it over my shoulder. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Bigger than Alley Wong. | ||
| It's almost like a stone in England where it's like, how many Alley Wongs do you weigh? | ||
| I did a cover for Peterson's hunting magazine. | ||
| And on the cover, I'm holding a moose leg over my shoulder. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And it's a crazy picture. | ||
| Like, you look at how big that fucking leg is. | ||
| And that's not a big moose. | ||
| The moose that I shot was only like maybe 900 pounds. | ||
| It's like fairly small for a moose. | ||
| But that's like the entire offensive line of the Dallas Cowboys. | ||
| There it is right there. | ||
| That's awesome. | ||
| That moose would have fucked me up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like there's not a way in hell you could have stopped that moose from stomping a hole in your chest. | ||
| Yeah, and they want to. | ||
| It's like a lot of prey animals get almost as vicious as the predators. | ||
| Even though I don't feel as much empathy for the predators. | ||
| Like if I wounded a fucking cat. | ||
| Yeah, I'd be like, yeah, you learned your lesson, bro. | ||
| Like my brother recently hit a raccoon with a pitchfork and he lived. | ||
| And I didn't feel bad at all. | ||
| Well, he lived, as far as you know. | ||
| Yeah, he's definitely dead now. | ||
| Yeah, but that's what happens when you come in the hen house. | ||
| He definitely had some like leakage. | ||
| Yeah, that was the rainbow, man. | ||
| That was the Weinstein. | ||
| He's coming in trying to get our hands. | ||
| We fucking stab his ass. | ||
| No, he was more ethical. | ||
| Like what he was doing, he's just trying to eat. | ||
| He just found a way to eat. | ||
| I mean, he's starving. | ||
| He's in that hard scrabble life of the wilderness and where the fuck is it? | ||
| There's a lot of food up there. | ||
| Like it's a beautiful area. | ||
| There's no supermarkets for raccoons. | ||
| No, they have a whole lot of food. | ||
| He's got to do what he's got to do. | ||
| They have a Whole Foods raccoons up there. | ||
| Oh, I didn't know. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| It's a lot of quinoa for raccoons. | ||
| Quinoa. | ||
| Yum, soy isolate. | ||
| I love pea protein. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Doesn't that shit give you boobs? | |
| Doesn't that give you boobs like too much soy? | ||
| You would know that shit. | ||
| I think it's like extraordinary amounts. | ||
| I think it's one of those things where people like really over-exaggerate the impact of it to emphasize the femininity of going vegan. | ||
| Right, right, right. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know what I mean? | |
| Like, I don't think it really makes you a woman, but I think that, you know, a guy's like, hey, fucking, you could just eat bison. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Digging good hotter. | ||
| Or you eat soy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Too much. | |
| You stop playing flowers. | ||
| You start lactating. | ||
| Yeah, you start speedwalking. | ||
| Dude, bison's good shit. | ||
| Yeah, it's good shit. | ||
| They were almost gone. | ||
| Does soy really cause man boobs? | ||
| Let's find out. | ||
| What website is this? | ||
| I never trust doctors with doctor in their first name, though. | ||
| Dr. Steve Steve. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Is he legit? | |
| He's legit. | ||
| He's a friend of mine. | ||
| I love that guy. | ||
| Who's on Sirius Satellite Radio? | ||
| I got to get him on, man. | ||
| He's supposed to be on a million times. | ||
| We never put it together. | ||
| Dr. Steve. | ||
| Let's make it happen. | ||
| Dr. Steve, Man, Dr. Steve focuses on very bizarre venereal diseases. | ||
| He talks about them in depth. | ||
| You're like, wait, what? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Huh? | |
| Like syphilis. | ||
| You can die from that? | ||
| Like, is there ones we don't know about? | ||
| Not yet, but for sure they're coming. | ||
| It's not like there was no herpes, and all of a sudden there's herpes, and that's it. | ||
| That's why I like being married. | ||
| It's like, I don't have to worry about that shit now. | ||
| You think you don't, but what about toilet seats? | ||
| That's a good thing. | ||
| Sneezing. | ||
| What about sneezing? | ||
| And I like to whack off on toilet seats. | ||
| What if plants fight back like a fucking M. Shamalama ding-dong? | ||
| Well, then we're going to get that. | ||
| We jerk on them. | ||
| That's what I'm saying. | ||
| Like, what if they fight back? | ||
| We whack off on them in Weinstein. | ||
| Imagine. | ||
| If Weinstein's horrors didn't just extend to him sexually abusing actresses, but that his cum, when Harvey shot loads on those branches, that those branches like morphed because of the vile hatred for the female organism was in his DNA. | ||
| And those trees found human babies and female babies and smothered them to death. | ||
| Yeah, it just started. | ||
| And Harvey's come. | ||
| It started producing movies. | ||
| It's like produced by Ficus Harvey Jizz. | ||
| What if it was like his jizz contacted the bark of the tree and created the new plague? | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| It's totally possible. | ||
| It's legit possible. | ||
| Who the fuck knows what causes the plague? | ||
| I was reading something about the Black Death is spreading because people are... | ||
| No, no. | ||
| It was like somewhere in some place I'm never going to visit. | ||
| And it was... | ||
| They were talking about how there's a problem with culture where people pull the bodies out of the ground. | ||
| They exhume the bodies. | ||
| They were dancing around them. | ||
| And it was literally causing the Black Death display. | ||
| Dancing with death. | ||
| Madagascar plague is spreading because relatives are digging up their black death corpses and dancing as part of an ancient Famadihana ritual. | ||
| I mean, that's commitment to dance. | ||
| That's commitment to stupidity. | ||
| Where if someone's like, oh, you're going to die if you do that, it's like, no, I fucking love dancing, dude. | ||
| Which site from the sun? | ||
| Oh, it's not real? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Is the sun real or the male's not real? | ||
| One of them's not real. | ||
| I think they both have questionable titles. | ||
| But they're not the onion. | ||
| Right. | ||
| They're not the onion. | ||
| So they're not honorable. | ||
| More, I think, like the old fake news thing from the grocery store that you'd always see. | ||
| Oh, bad boy, that kind of thing. | ||
| Fake news is getting almost like newsy. | ||
| It's like onion is almost like legit news at this point. | ||
| What is fake news and what is real news anymore? | ||
| I have no idea. | ||
| It's almost like the opium wars where it's like we're just flooded with fucking info at this point. | ||
| What'd you say, Jamie? | ||
| So that's what those hearings are about today. | ||
| I was just reading. | ||
| There's something, Tim Cook gave a talk this afternoon. | ||
| The Apple guy? | ||
| Yeah, based off of the, he says that the fake news spreading is probably a bigger problem than the Russian ads. | ||
| He says the ads is probably like a 0.1% of the actual problem. | ||
| And the ability for fake news to spread and manipulate people through social media is problems one through 10 that need to be fixed. | ||
| Who gets to judge that, though? | ||
| It's almost like a Martin Luther Catholic Church thing. | ||
| No, no, no, no. | ||
| It's not who gets to judge. | ||
| It's whether or not it's fake. | ||
| Like concentrating on who the person is that gets to judge, that's not helping anybody. | ||
| But what's fake and what's not fake, there's got to be a way to differentiate. | ||
| This should be like a pregnancy test for stories. | ||
| Yeah, where it's just plus or minus, and you're like, oh, mine, it says that for me. | ||
| Hold on a second. | ||
| Before you tell me this story, I want you to lick this piece of paper. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| This motherfucker. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| What does it say right there? | ||
| It says Tim Cook. | ||
| Apple CEO says that, scroll up, there's a greater issue than Russian Facebook ads. | ||
| Here's the thing he said. | ||
| They had that big hearing going on today and yesterday. | ||
| With people from Facebook to the bottom of the business. | ||
| Why does everybody have to be number one? | ||
| Why does it have to be the number one problem? | ||
| The number one problem is Russia is not ads. | ||
| It's fake news. | ||
| Why is there a goddamn competition between what sucks the most? | ||
| Listen to me, Tim Cook. | ||
| They both suck. | ||
| The ads suck. | ||
| The stories that are fake suck. | ||
| Everything sucks! | ||
| Stop making it about what... | ||
| It's trans babies. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| No. | ||
| Yeah, like, why can't multiple things suck simultaneously? | ||
| Why do we have a contest? | ||
| What is there, a top 10 list of the suckiest things about life? | ||
| How about things just suck? | ||
| Yeah, like me and my friend. | ||
| You know Fortune, the comedian, Fortune Femme. | ||
| Fortune Fempster. | ||
| She's very funny. | ||
| Oh, she's a buddy of mine, and we like, we'll talk on Twitter. | ||
| She's like, she'll offer a dissenting opinion, but we're like buds, so like we go back and forth. | ||
| And I was like ripping on some fucking Weinstein type psycho, and she was like, yeah, but what about the fact Trump did this? | ||
| I'm like, yeah, both sucks. | ||
| Both sucks. | ||
| Like, the whole line in the sand, like, you only can fucking say one thing sucks is the end of our civilization. | ||
| And I think the one good thing that's happened. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wait a minute. | |
| What did I read? | ||
| I read a headline. | ||
| I didn't read the story. | ||
| But that Weinstein said that this happened to him to change humanity. | ||
| See if you can find that. | ||
| He might have been. | ||
| That's a fucking angle. | ||
| It's a good angle. | ||
| That's a great angle. | ||
| If I was his buddy and we were doing mushrooms together, I was like, listen to me, bro. | ||
| You just handle this right. | ||
| Dude, it's a good thing that you jerked on that ficus. | ||
| Not that part. | ||
| The ficus is the most forgivable part. | ||
|
unidentified
|
part yeah that's the Who said it? | |
| It's Weinstein Pals said that. | ||
| His pals? | ||
| What? | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Weinstein tells pals. | ||
| Oh, there you go. | ||
| Jamie. | ||
| Hey, well, I mean, this is also second-hand information. | ||
| He wasn't quoted directly. | ||
| But it says he tells pals that the scandal happened so he could change the world. | ||
| That's what I said. | ||
| So make it larger. | ||
| It's the hero's journey for perverts. | ||
| It says, disgraced Harvey Weinstein has been telling what friends he has left that there's a bigger reason that he's embroiled in the ever-wielding, widening sexual harassment scandal to change the world. | ||
| Sources tell page six. | ||
| I hate when they say sources say. | ||
| Harvey believes he's a savior. | ||
| A Hollywood insider says, okay, this is a free swing. | ||
| But it's an interesting angle, so let's keep going. | ||
| A source adds that the Purvy, well, that's rude, former Weinstein company have Miramax matcher. | ||
| Mir Max matcher? | ||
| What's a? | ||
| They might have left out a word or the letter. | ||
| What's that word? | ||
| Miramax matcher. | ||
| Macher? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Oh, like big macher? | ||
| Is that like a. | ||
| I've never heard it used that for a while. | ||
| It's a good spelling to me. | ||
| Hasidic word? | ||
| I know there's like big macha, but I don't think it's macher. | ||
| Person who gets things done. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, it is big machr. | ||
| Yeah, from Yiddish. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nice. | |
| Okay, Yiddish. | ||
| There we go. | ||
| Has been telling confidants that he was born to take the fall for his behavior in order to change the world. | ||
| He is resigned to his punishment as a martyr for social change. | ||
| But here's the thing. | ||
| A comment, a rep for Weinstein commented, that's absurd. | ||
| Yeah, it is absurd. | ||
| But here's the thing. | ||
| I think that's true. | ||
| I don't think that there's like some crazy fucking destiny that he has the golden ring and he was supposed to take the fall. | ||
| But through his own folly, through his own greedy, fat, chubby dick trying to pump his ineffective lows into the mouths of tens, he really is going to change the world. | ||
| Yeah, but he doesn't get to say it, though. | ||
| Like the other people have to feel like he did. | ||
| I don't know if he did. | ||
| It's one of these insiders that don't exist. | ||
| They might have been real, but they might have been fake. | ||
| Jamie? | ||
| What do you think? | ||
| If you were a writer, I'm not saying this person did that. | ||
| You could have made that quote up and just wrote an article. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But of course. | |
| It's a very juicy headline that gets talked about on podcasts. | ||
| Yeah, according to sources could be like a picture of the world. | ||
| According to sources. | ||
| I mean, I hate to exonerate him, but Trump has said that many times about some of the stories written about him. | ||
| They keep saying, according to sources. | ||
| He's like, you don't have any sources. | ||
| The sources do need to be protected for journalists to do. | ||
| You're right. | ||
| So it's a really weird sort of gray area. | ||
| You're right. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, there's only one way that someone's going to give you information that could possibly threaten their life. | ||
| There's no financial benefit, no societal benefit for them. | ||
| They have to be anonymous. | ||
| Right? | ||
| We've always been, and that was like one of the main problems that I had with the Obama administration. | ||
| You know, people sort of let him slide on that, but Obama was one of the worst with whistleblowers ever. | ||
| That was a part of the Hope and Change website. | ||
| A part of the Hope and Change website that was later redacted or deleted was that they were talking about expanding protection for whistleblowers who are exposing someone breaking the law, which is exactly what Edward Snowden did. | ||
| Yeah, like Obama tricked me. | ||
| He tricked a lot of Obama. | ||
| He tricked me, man. | ||
| He might have tricked himself. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Dude, I was like, this is going to unite the races of America, and he's going to be transparent. | |
| And he's such a good speaker. | ||
| He's made me cry, like literally with hope. | ||
| And then I see what he does, and I'm like, dude, you know 77 cents is bullshit, man. | ||
| And it's like those little things where I'm like. | ||
| Let's say what that is. | ||
| Oh, they say the wage gap between men and women is 77 cents on the dollar. | ||
| And he said that publicly. | ||
| He said it publicly, right? | ||
| And it's one thing if it's BuzzFeed. | ||
| It's the president of the United States. | ||
| And that is completely bullshit. | ||
| It's been debunked by the female president of Harvard. | ||
| Like, this is not reality at all. | ||
| It's like, and so when I see that. | ||
| Can you explain what it really is, though? | ||
| Okay, it really is more like a four cents maybe. | ||
| It's a they don't include factors such as quitting for having a children or dangerous jobs or all this shit. | ||
| That's just the rough average. | ||
| But if you look at a man and a woman with the same job for the same amount of years with the same education, it's basically the same. | ||
| It's very close. | ||
| In some jobs, a man makes more, and they have attributed that. | ||
| There's no real way to tell, but they believe that that's attributable to a man is more aggressive in negotiating his initial salary and subsequent raises. | ||
| And the interesting thing is women are better at negotiating for other people. | ||
| Like I've had female agents that are like vicious and awesome because they're like, it's almost like they're baby cops where they're like, no, they deserve more. | ||
| That's my baby. | ||
| But for themselves. | ||
| That's an interesting point. | ||
| Yeah, for themselves, they're not as alpha because I think their attractiveness, this isn't Brett Weinstein shit where it's like their attractiveness is so given that they don't have to like most men didn't fucking procreate for most of human civilization. | ||
| So we're always just trying to be like, look, dude, I got a car. | ||
| Well, it's an interesting point because like if you have like there's two girls and one girl is like kind of gross and overweight and the other girl is like really pretty, the gross overweight girl will protect that pretty girl like a fucking German shepherd. | ||
| Totally. | ||
| She'll be like, but that the gross overweight girl will fuck an entire busload of willing men. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| Yeah, like when I've done U.S. men are like super excited about her. | ||
| Oh, the standards get out the window. | ||
| She has a couple of shots of vodka and she's like fucking taking her bra off as she's walking through those expanding school bus doors. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Yeah, like when I've done USO tours, it's like they call them desert roses where it's like, you know, a three is a 10. | ||
| But that doesn't happen the other way. | ||
| Like if there's a bunch of women on a desert island, there's some fucking Weinstein with no movie credentials. | ||
| They don't need to fuck them. | ||
| They can just be like, dude, we can just hang out with each other and just kind of cuddle in one of the waves. | ||
| They don't need to fuck anybody. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| But like dudes are like, as low as it goes, we will potentially meet that standard. | ||
| And that's why it's like men can highly get specific with their skill set, but we're more susceptible to brain damage. | ||
| But it's interesting we're talking about like a woman protecting that other woman. | ||
| Oh, 100%. | ||
| Like I do a bit about how women are socialists, men are capitalists, where it's like women, it's like, oh, she's having a bad night. | ||
| We all have to go home, you know, liquor tears, ice cream. | ||
| Men are like, he's being a buzzkill, fucking cut the week. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| And the opposite is true. | ||
| It's true. | ||
| We have to go home for Debbie. | ||
| Yeah, but the opposite is true where it's like, he's the fastest. | ||
| Or it's like, he's the funniest. | ||
| Let's make him king. | ||
| And the women are like, she has herpes. | ||
| Tell everyone. | ||
| Or no, she's the prettiest. | ||
| Tell everyone she has herpes. | ||
| And it's like, it's the tallest nail gets hammered down because in egalitarian societies, like the gatherers have to be like the same, and the hunters value skill. | ||
| So it's like, can you shut your mouth and shoot a fucking gun? | ||
| Great, you're in. | ||
| Versus like berry picking, they're like, everyone's great, right? | ||
| Let's share babies or share berries. | ||
| I'm gonna start talking shit about Debbie. | ||
| I just realized I'm well drunk. | ||
| You're definitely drunk. | ||
| Yeah, but the point I made is still valid. | ||
| You were good for a while, but then you didn't know how to get off the horse. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| I said babies instead of berries. | ||
| That happens, man. | ||
| You get to a certain point in an idea and you're freewall and you're like, oh my God, I'm like skiing down a hill that I don't know how to stop. | ||
| Yeah, I just started winging it. | ||
| We've done enough. | ||
| This is like three hours and 20 minutes, right? | ||
| How many minutes? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, three or five. | ||
| Three or five. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sweet, dude. | |
| This has been a blast. | ||
| I love you, man. | ||
| I love you too, buddy. | ||
| This is fun. | ||
| I'm glad we did this. | ||
| Me too. | ||
| And I'm glad I was with you for the first alcohol and the first marijuana I had in 31 days. | ||
| And I'm here to tell you, sobriety is fucking highly underrated and overrated at the same time. | ||
| It's overrated when it comes to podcasts, that's for sure. | ||
| But it's good. | ||
| It's good to take a month off. | ||
| I like it. | ||
| It's respect. | ||
| It's good. | ||
| I feel good about it. | ||
| I'm excited. | ||
| I'm good to be back on the horse. | ||
| I should take a month off Twitter to show my fucking willpower. | ||
| No, that's not worth it. | ||
| Well, you have to promote gigs. | ||
| I think a month off interacting with people is not the worst idea in the world. | ||
| Just send some love out there and then just walk away. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know, but send some good positive feelings. | ||
| Don't worry about being sappy. | ||
| Why is sincerity sappy? | ||
| Like, what happened? | ||
| Well, are we so fucking cynical that someone can't say much love to everybody? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, you fucking pussy. | |
| You know, like, sincerity became sappy somewhere along the line. | ||
| Let's turn that around. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Turn it around. | |
| Let's turn it around. | ||
| And all you bitches out there that think that all white cisgendered men are shit. | ||
| Fuck that shit. | ||
| I pray for you to get some good dick. | ||
| Some good friends. | ||
| And some happy times. | ||
| To change your ways. | ||
| The same way Jamie Kilstein did. | ||
| The same way. | ||
| I hope we all do. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I hope we all do. | ||
| God damn it. | ||
| All right. | ||
| We'll see you fucking freaks at the ice house in a few hours. | ||
| I'm going to keep this train rolling. | ||
| And then next week, goddamn, young Jamie, we got a ton of fucking podcasts next week. | ||
| All kinds. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| Next week, there's Paul Stametz is finally going to be here. | ||
| Chris Kresser is going to be here again. | ||
| Bert, Ari, and Tom. | ||
| Nice. | ||
| On Tuesday, we're all going to get together and celebrate. | ||
| Sebastian Younger is going to be here on Monday. | ||
| Oh, Jesus. | ||
| We might have Marilyn Manson. | ||
| Call that dude if you got his number. | ||
| Work this out. | ||
| Marquez. | ||
| He makes it. | ||
| Yeah, we're going to try to get Marquez. | ||
| How do you say his last name? | ||
| Brownlee. | ||
| Brownlee. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Who's my favorite tech expert? | ||
| Billy Corrigan from the Smashing Pumpkins. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| What a fucking week. | ||
| All right. | ||
| Bye, everybody. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Thank you, my friends. | |
| We did it. | ||
| We did it. | ||
| We did it, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| We did it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And people are like, hey, man, now that you took a month off of drinking in marijuana, maybe you should take a month off of me. | |
| Fuck off. | ||
| No. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know what I'm doing. | |
| Maybe one day. | ||
| Not today. | ||
| Not interested. | ||
| But I did learn a lot in taking a month off of mind-altering substances. | ||
| I learned a lot of the good things and the bad things. | ||
| And I hope you guys enjoyed our whole journey. | ||
| And I know a lot of people went along with us. | ||
| And Bert and Tom and Ari and I all appreciate that. | ||
| Thank you to our sponsors. | ||
| Thank you to Tracker. | ||
| Go to thetracker.com forward slash Rogan to get 20% off any order. | ||
| That's thetracker, T-R-A-C-K-R.com forward slash Rogan for 20% off. | ||
| We're also brought to you by Blinkist, B-L-I-N-K-I-S-T dot com forward slash Rogan. | ||
| Go there to start your free trial or get three months off your yearly plan. | ||
| You can learn the important shit in 15 minutes. | ||
| That's a good move, folks. | ||
| Who's got the kind of time to be sitting around reading a whole book? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hmm. | |
| Hmm. | ||
| We're also brought to you by Square Cash. | ||
| The simplest way to pay a motherfucker back. | ||
| Go to Square Cash or download the free Square Cash app for iOS or Android now. | ||
| All right, folks. | ||
| Thank you so much for tuning into the podcast. | ||
| If you guys celebrated Sober October with us, thank you. | ||
| We had a great time. | ||
| And then we're back. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We're back. | |
| We're back. | ||
| We made it. | ||
| We learned a lot. | ||
| And Owen Benjamin and I, I think, learned a lot today. | ||
| I enjoyed the shit out of that podcast. | ||
|
unidentified
|
All right. | |
| We'll see you soon. |
Export Selection