Sept. 28, 2017 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:31:42
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
|
unidentified
|
Boom! | |
| And we're live. | ||
| Let's have a toast to Hugh Hefner. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| We lost one of the great dick-slingers of the 20th century. | ||
| He certainly did. | ||
| We lost him. | ||
| He literally had a place where guys could go to be letches. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You could just go and you had a mansion where everybody knew there was going to be a bunch of hoes. | ||
| And that's why they went. | ||
| Yeah, they went there on purpose. | ||
| And there was guys that were notorious for hanging around the mansion, for going to all the mansion parties. | ||
| Did you ever go? | ||
| I went twice. | ||
| I went once for a marijuana policy project thing. | ||
| I think that was the company that was putting it together. | ||
| Or I hosted something and there's bands and stuff like that was kind of interesting. | ||
| That's fun. | ||
| And then the other time I went was for Fear Factor. | ||
| We did something for Fear Factor with Playboy Playmates. | ||
| Did you get to meet Hugh? | ||
| I never met him, man. | ||
| No, I never met him. | ||
| He's just, I think by that time, he's old and I think he just wanted to chill. | ||
| Yeah, he was just kind of done. | ||
| I never went there. | ||
| I tried to get in. | ||
| A girl tried to get me in, and I guess they Googled me, and she goes, I guess I didn't have enough credits. | ||
| Oh, come on. | ||
| That's what it was. | ||
| I couldn't get in. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| She's like, yeah, they have to look you up. | ||
| She was nice, but they said no. | ||
| How long ago was this? | ||
| Probably two years ago. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, my God. | |
| I know. | ||
| I didn't qualify to go where there's fucking girls and fucking... | ||
|
unidentified
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That's humiliating. | |
| That is so crazy you didn't have enough credits. | ||
| Guess so or maybe they didn't have the right credits or maybe they just didn't care like whatever you know, I didn't know I wasn't even that mad about yeah, whatever Credits yeah, how gross yeah, she said something like that But she was trying to be really nice like she was trying to let me down easy because she felt bad because we were friends And she wanted to go like you just don't qualify to come here and look at these tits Which is really her It was a weird place because it was super outdated. | ||
| Like you heard about the grotto. | ||
| You go to the grotto and it has a phone from like the 1970s there and you're like, what is this? | ||
| They left it like probably for the vibe, the old school vibe. | ||
| I guess. | ||
| Or they just never updated it. | ||
| It was weird. | ||
| You know, he sold the place or it was for sale. | ||
| But one of the caveats of purchase was that he had to live in the building until he died. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yep. | ||
| But it was like some preposterous amount of money, like 200 million dollars or something crazy. | ||
| Well, the land is really valuable. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| So what do they do with that now? | ||
| Do they knock it down? | ||
| I mean, is there no nostalgia to it? | ||
| Is it like kind of dying on the vine anyway, or do you fucking... | ||
|
unidentified
|
What do you do? | |
| It's a good question. | ||
| Well, he has a son, and his son probably inherited it. | ||
| His son, I think, was running the magazine. | ||
| They tried for a while to have no nudity. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| Terrible idea. | ||
| It's like a mechanic fucking thing with no cars in it. | ||
| Who wants to just read that shit? | ||
| It's stupid. | ||
| It's like having a New York Times article with all ads. | ||
| Like, where's the fucking intellectual stimulation here, you fucking idiots? | ||
| Yeah, that's a really bad, no nudity is a terrible decision. | ||
| Yeah, well they were always in this weird area right because Hugh Hefton was like the only acceptable Pornographer like Larry Flint who did a lot for free speech who did a lot for exposing corrupt politicians But they would show vaginas and assholes. | ||
| Yeah, and because of that he was always thought as a gross guy Yeah, you know well even their social commentary was great I remember when I was a kid, there was one... | ||
| Who was the feminist Gloria... | ||
| Allred? | ||
| No, not Gloria Allred. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Steinem. | ||
| And I think it was a Gloria Steinem parody. | ||
| But it was like, you know, her licking a girl's pussy that had period blood. | ||
| It was like some fucking vile... | ||
| He would do the most vile political... | ||
| Like, he really showed his disdain of those people. | ||
| He was great. | ||
| He's a crazy guy. | ||
| He's still alive, that fucker. | ||
| Yeah, he is. | ||
| Got shot, you know, and paralyzed, like, way back in the day, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| 77, maybe? | ||
| Was it that late? | ||
| I think it was. | ||
| Or 76, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, he's still got a bunch of casinos and stuff. | ||
| He's still out there kicking it. | ||
| But, like, who the hell is buying Hustler? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, it's funny you mention it. | ||
| My manager got one today. | ||
| I haven't bought one in many years. | ||
| I did an interview for them, and it was actually a really good interview, and they quoted me accurately. | ||
| So I'm in December's Hustler, which is out today. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| So it's funny. | ||
| I bought the Hustler for the first time probably in 15 years today. | ||
| Why do magazines do that, where December comes out in September? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Don't know. | |
| That's so fucking stupid. | ||
| It's like new cars. | ||
| It's a 2018. Well, how the fuck is that even possible since it's 2017, you monkeys? | ||
| It's got to be something about the anticipation of getting... | ||
| It's almost like when a Halloween movie doesn't come out October 30th, because you're sick of Halloween by then, so it comes out, like, you know, say September 15th, and then by the time Halloween comes, the movie's finished, you're like, ugh, fuck Halloween. | ||
| No, but that makes sense, because they're not pretending it's Halloween. | ||
| It's just a Halloween movie. | ||
| Like, they're pretending that's a December issue. | ||
| But it's not December. | ||
| But it's not. | ||
| Yeah, I don't know the thinking. | ||
| They come out like way in advance. | ||
| Usually a month of before, but December, it is kind of silly. | ||
| The new car thing is always weird because it's way ahead. | ||
| Yeah, six months. | ||
| Yeah, like six months before the year turns over. | ||
| They're already saying that it's a 2018 model. | ||
| Yeah, it's like it's April. | ||
| What are you talking about? | ||
| It's not the 2018 model. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's like tricks, you know? | ||
| It's like when you buy something and it costs $9.99, make it $10, you fuck. | ||
| What is this? | ||
| What is this penny stuff? | ||
| They want to say under $10? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't understand if it just looks better with the $99 than the $10. | ||
| I don't get it either. | ||
| It does for dumb people. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
| It's like you're appealing to people's mind. | ||
| Like that little part of their mind is trying to save a little. | ||
| I guess that's better. | ||
| $9.99 is better. | ||
| Sounds better. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I mean, comedians have addressed the gas thing for years. | ||
| There's a book about this. | ||
| It's called Predictably Irrational, The Hidden Forces That Shape Our Decisions. | ||
| It came out about 10 years ago, maybe. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| So it's playing on the irrational thoughts that we have about certain things. | ||
| Yeah, there's specific anecdotes about a Best Buy ad and why there's three washing machines and they're really trying to get you to buy the middle one, but they have two other priced ones. | ||
| It goes into things just like that all over different aspects of life. | ||
| You know what my favorite ones are? | ||
| When you're in Vegas and you see voted best buffet. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Best 10 p.m. | ||
| show. | ||
| Like, by who? | ||
| Who voted for best buffet? | ||
| And if they did vote on it, why? | ||
| Who are they? | ||
| Do they have to leave the house? | ||
| Like, where are you going? | ||
| The fucking buffet vote is in 20 minutes. | ||
| We're going to miss the buffet vote. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Who cares? | ||
| But there is good buffets and bad buffets, right? | ||
| Like, where's a good buffet in Vegas? | ||
| Do you ever go to the buffets? | ||
| I fucking love a good buffet, if you want the truth. | ||
| A good buffet is great. | ||
| It rules. | ||
| It's very nice. | ||
| The Wynn Hotel in Vegas has a tremendous buffet. | ||
| Well, the Wynn Hotel's tremendous, period, right? | ||
| I've walked through it, but I've never stayed there. | ||
| It's a phenomenal hotel. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It is. | |
| It's like a very high-end place, so it makes sense that their buffet would kick ass. | ||
| In here in LA, they have a good one at the Four Seasons on Sundays as a delightful buffet. | ||
| Oh, I've done the Four Seasons in Maui, and they have a breakfast buffet. | ||
| Oh, what a great way to get fat. | ||
| It is, right? | ||
| Oh, it's tremendous. | ||
| They make you waffles. | ||
| They have the waffle thing right there. | ||
| Something about someone making you a waffle. | ||
| When they pour the waffle stuff into that little press and put it down, you're like, oh, I'm gonna have a waffle. | ||
| I'm just thinking right now about melting the butter on it. | ||
| You know what I did last time? | ||
| I put peanut butter all over that motherfucker. | ||
| And then I put butter. | ||
| And then I put syrup. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I felt great for about 15 minutes. | ||
| And then afterwards, I just went like this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ugh. | |
| But even you feel bad after that? | ||
| Fucking terrible. | ||
| Wow, like as much as you work out, like I'm surprised like you don't, because you burn through everything you eat. | ||
| Yeah, but you know what it is, man? | ||
| It has nothing to do with that. | ||
| It's an insulin dump. | ||
| Your body just hits, all that sugar hits your system and your body's like, what the fuck is this? | ||
| And it's actually probably worse for me because I don't do it very often. | ||
| Like if your body gets used to sugar, if you're drinking sugary sodas all day and you're eating White bread all day, and if your body gets used to processing that stuff, it has a better handle on what to do with it. | ||
| Whereas with me, it only gets it every few days. | ||
| So when it gets it, it's like, what the fuck is this? | ||
| Especially if I overload, get crazy, eat a banana split or something like that. | ||
| You feel it. | ||
| Oh yeah. | ||
| I feel it hard. | ||
| I'm bad in LA, though, with food. | ||
| Like, I fucking go out for sushi, and that yogurt stop on Santa Monica, it's my favorite place in the world. | ||
| Is it Menchies? | ||
| No, it's called The Yogurt Stop. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| It's on Santa Monica, and I've been there four days. | ||
| I've been in LA for four days. | ||
| I've been there four times. | ||
| I can't stop shoveling that shit in. | ||
| It's my favorite fucking place. | ||
| Why is it so good? | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| I've had yogurt that was just as good. | ||
| It just, I always felt right to go out for the best sushi and then go down there and have some yogurt stop. | ||
| Treat yourself a little, Jimmy. | ||
| You're doing good with your life. | ||
| Well, you know, I was having a sad day Monday and literally like a fucking fat girl. | ||
| I got my ex-girlfriend, who's my best friend, and we went and got yogurt. | ||
| I'm like, I'm really sad. | ||
| I treated myself to a little yogurt. | ||
| Why were you sad? | ||
| I just go up and down. | ||
| I'm just relationship nonsense. | ||
| I'm a fatalist. | ||
| But you're doing great. | ||
| I'm doing okay. | ||
| Do you know how many people would fucking kill to be in your position? | ||
| Successful touring, stand-up comedian, successful podcaster, successful radio personality, loved by all. | ||
| Chip is a great podcaster. | ||
| That's who the successful podcast in the Norton Empire is. | ||
| No, the fucking thing that you do with Matt Serra. | ||
| Matt Serra does well. | ||
| You guys have the best MMA podcast in the world. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| We have a lot of fun with that, man. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You do. | |
| It's great. | ||
| I love Matt. | ||
| He's great. | ||
| I love him, too. | ||
| But it's one of those things where I know that, and I know that it's a fun gig, and I love doing it, but it's one of those things that's not about feeling like I haven't been blessed. | ||
| Show business gives me opportunities. | ||
| I've failed, but I'm not some unlucky guy who, oh gee, they didn't give me a shot. | ||
| They give me a million shots. | ||
| It's about being annoyed at yourself for certain things. | ||
| So it's not about, I get a good apartment, I make money. | ||
| I am very lucky. | ||
| But it's rational. | ||
| Like when you're feeling down, you're like, ugh, I'm shit. | ||
| So it's not a rational thing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| And you can't turn it around with your mind? | ||
| No. | ||
| I'm too emotional. | ||
| Like I react too emotionally. | ||
| But the next day, like I've had a great week since then. | ||
| You know, because she and I talked and I realized I'm just being kind of fucking crazy. | ||
| Oh, you're having girlfriends shit? | ||
| Yeah, but I'm also not cheating. | ||
| I don't know how to not cheat. | ||
| So I'm not acting out. | ||
| It's fucking crazy, man. | ||
| Oh, so maybe part of your weirdness is like dealing with the fact that you're not expressing your normal behavior patterns? | ||
| Yeah, it's giving up a huge addiction. | ||
| I still look at porn and stuff, but not acting out, not having fucking girls. | ||
| LA's a deadly city for me. | ||
| Deadly. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Deadly pussy. | |
| Deadly pussy. | ||
| Well, sometimes. | ||
| You know, when I'm out here, I'm a very fresh boy. | ||
| Very naughty. | ||
| I behave better now. | ||
| There's a whole ecosystem around that here, you know? | ||
| There really is, man. | ||
| A lot of gals that are loose with the sex, and they've decided to profit off of that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And they say, well, just have sex with some men and not have to work a job. | ||
| And some of them are literally just people I've known for a lot, like they're like people you meet through the business. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And they're just as dangerous because, and I mean for me, because they'll do anything. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Because they like the fact that I'm open, so they're like, oh my god, guys think I'm crazy. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So it's hard just not to be unfaithful. | ||
| It's hard to not be fucking... | ||
| And this is how mean fans are. | ||
| I've been talking about this for a week, so I've been up and down, I've been sad, then I'm great. | ||
| And I'm just, you know, I don't have a girlfriend in six years. | ||
| And I'm talking about it, and then one fan's like, oh, we get it, you got a girlfriend, you're 49, you're being normal. | ||
| It's like, Jesus, you fucking rotten toad. | ||
| Can I talk about my life being healthy for one week before fans get sick of it? | ||
| Well, you're always gonna get one person who complains about everything. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That can't really bother you. | ||
| No, it's just like, ugh. | ||
| Yeah, you're gonna get that. | ||
| I mean, and he's got a point, too. | ||
| It's probably annoying to him, which is why he said it, but... | ||
| Or she. | ||
| Or she. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, shut her mouth. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The fuck do you know, bitch? | ||
| I gave her a second. | ||
| I gave... | ||
| I gave her a sarcastic apology. | ||
| I was like, sorry, I didn't mean to share something good. | ||
| I'll only keep it negative. | ||
| And she actually went back, it's all good. | ||
| She believed the apology. | ||
| Oh, that's hilarious. | ||
| Well, there's a fake feud going on between me and Ari and Bert Kreischer and Tom Segura. | ||
| And people, for whatever reason, think it's real. | ||
| And so they're getting mad that I'm airing out our dirty laundry in public. | ||
| I couldn't be more obvious about how fake it is. | ||
| I even wrote GOOD DAY SIR at the end of my letter with all caps. | ||
| I mean, it's just, this is like the new thing, pray for Joe. | ||
| This is what it is. | ||
| Bert Kreischer, our good friend Bert, is a fucking raging alcoholic. | ||
| He certainly is. | ||
| He drinks six doubles a night. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He's drinking 12 drinks a night. | ||
| And I go, are you serious? | ||
| He goes, every night. | ||
| I go, wow, that is crazy. | ||
| I can't even imagine doing that. | ||
| Like, that's incredible. | ||
| So we said, do you think you can get sober? | ||
| He said, yes. | ||
| Okay, so then someone said, sober and run a marathon. | ||
| I was like, stop. | ||
| You guys, he's gonna die. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because first of all, Bert likes to pretend he runs, but he really only runs on a treadmill. | ||
| And I'm like, that is not running. | ||
| You're lifting your legs up and the thing's coming towards you. | ||
| It's not the same. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's different. | |
| So now he started running on the real road, and he's like barely getting in a couple miles, and he takes a lot of breaks. | ||
| He's not running any fucking marathons anytime soon, and I'm certainly not saying that he could do one after a month. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Right? | ||
| So we said, okay, how about no drinking for the entire month of October, and you got to do 15 hot yoga classes in a month, which is fucking hardcore. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It is. | |
| That's hardcore. | ||
| I've done it, I love hot yoga, but it really does wear, it really wipes you out. | ||
| It wipes you out, especially if you're not used to it and you don't drink enough water. | ||
| You've got to really be on the ball. | ||
| So everybody agreed to that. | ||
| And then a couple of fucking days ago, they started saying, we're going to be totally sober, no weed, no alcohol. | ||
| I go, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. | ||
| First of all, you fucks, I'm only doing this to try to see if we can get burnt sober. | ||
| I don't need to not drink. | ||
| I can not drink for months. | ||
| It doesn't bother me. | ||
| Like, me taking a month off of booze doesn't bother me at all. | ||
| But me taking a month off of weed is like, how do you expect me to write? | ||
| I use it to write. | ||
| I use it to think about things. | ||
| I use it to enjoy things. | ||
| I use it as a, like a sacrament, almost. | ||
| Do you ever think of trying a month without, like, knowing you're gonna go back to it, and that you're not doing it forever. | ||
| I do think of it, but I don't want to be bullied by a welcher. | ||
| Yeah, no, I don't believe it. | ||
| See, Ari Shafir was supposed to, see, Bert and Tom had a fucking contest, and if they lost 25 pounds, Ari was supposed to take them on a trip to wherever they chose, and Tom wanted to go to Europe to watch a soccer game, and Bert wanted to go to watch some crazy football game, and Ari completely welched on the bet, and then took off and went to Asia for four months, and left me holding the bat. | ||
| Not only did he take off, he took off and went off the grid. | ||
| And don't think the two aren't related, Shafir. | ||
| I know what the fuck you're up to. | ||
| You didn't feel any responsibility to pay that bet, you son of a bitch. | ||
| Anyway, I wound up getting them, what did I get them? | ||
| Tickets to some basketball game that was important? | ||
| It was a big game, right? | ||
| So it was a big deal. | ||
| Flew them out first class, the whole deal. | ||
| Put them up in a nice hotel. | ||
| Paid for everything. | ||
| So I paid for it. | ||
| And because they did actually lose the weight. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sure. | |
| And so they're like, we've got to come up with a new test. | ||
| And somehow or another, I got involved and Ari got involved too. | ||
| And they're trying to shame me into quitting pot. | ||
| It's like, I stop smoking pot all the time. | ||
| When I go on vacation, I don't smoke pot for a week at a time. | ||
| When I go... | ||
| Anywhere where, you know, if I'm in Europe for 10 days, I'm not smoking weed. | ||
| It's not an addictive issue, but it's something that I enjoy. | ||
| I could stop doing things that I enjoy. | ||
| This sounds like an addict saying this. | ||
| I don't have a problem with it, but I really don't have a problem with it. | ||
| I like it. | ||
| I like pot. | ||
| I'm not willing to not do it for an alcoholic friend and a welcher. | ||
| And then Tom Shiguro, who's dressing up like a medicine man lately, like what the fuck is he doing? | ||
| He's wearing some crazy Steven Seagal outfit. | ||
| He's got wooden beads on and shit, and some crazy hat. | ||
| Are they loose-fitting clothes? | ||
| What he's wearing? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Is he putting weight back on? | ||
| No. | ||
| Oh, okay, good. | ||
| No, he's in tremendous shape. | ||
| Oh, good for Tom. | ||
| Tom lost the weight and kept the weight off, because Tom is like really disciplined, you know, which is why he just did another Netflix special. | ||
| In like three and a half, four years, he's done three Netflix specials. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's an animal. | ||
| There he is. | ||
| Look at his hat. | ||
| His fucking hat. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Nice beard, too. | ||
| Good frosting in the beard. | ||
| Nice and trim. | ||
| He looks good. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| But he's fucking healthy. | ||
| Look how thin his face is. | ||
| But look at the picture above that. | ||
| Look at above that. | ||
| That one. | ||
| See that? | ||
| Look at his fucking outfit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Oh my God. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look at all the beads. | |
| The feathers and shit. | ||
| Who does he look like? | ||
| Who does that outfit look like? | ||
| I've seen that before. | ||
| It's photoshopped, I'm sure. | ||
| No, no, but I mean, what is that outfit from? | ||
| Who dresses like that? | ||
| It's like Seagal. | ||
| It looks like Steven Seagal to me. | ||
| The smoke in the back? | ||
| It could be like some Buddhist monk or something like that. | ||
| But these motherfuckers are trying to shame me to quitting weed. | ||
| It's not happening, boys. | ||
| In fact, I'm going to get high every day in October. | ||
| You haven't thought of trying it just for a month to see how, if it gets weird for you, you might get some really good shit out of it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I could. | |
| Yeah, I mean, I would, but maybe another month. | ||
| Maybe I'll do it in November. | ||
| November. | ||
| But this month, they can suck my dick. | ||
| I'm going to get high every day. | ||
| You won't be shamed into it. | ||
| You'll do it when you want to do it. | ||
| I'll do it if I want to do it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And if I really had an issue, if I'm like, man, I can't get a day without... | ||
| If I fell here, I was reaching for it to do things. | ||
| Like, I haven't smoked pot today. | ||
| Today I went running, about to do a podcast. | ||
| I like to smoke a little weed before a podcast, but nothing today. | ||
| Nothing. | ||
| Zero. | ||
| No issues. | ||
| Yeah, I think it would affect me differently. | ||
| I've used you as a good example of a guy. | ||
| Like, you function well. | ||
| Like, you smoke pot and you do jiu-jitsu. | ||
| Like, I didn't do that. | ||
| Well, a lot of people that do jiu-jitsu smoke pot. | ||
| It's huge in the jiu-jitsu community. | ||
| You would think... | ||
| Like, a lot of people have a misconception in jiu-jitsu where they think of it as being a bunch of, like, really aggressive, mean guys that are, like, attacking each other. | ||
| But it's more, much more a bunch of, like, really smart... | ||
| Analytical, stoner, sensitive, nerd-type characters who are also very strong because they do jiu-jitsu all the time. | ||
| Or if they lift weights and get in really good shape, a lot of those guys, it's because of jiu-jitsu. | ||
| And then, of course, there's people that come to it from football or wrestling or something like that. | ||
| They have a different attitude. | ||
| But a lot of times, they fall into a jiu-jitsu mindset, which is a very relaxed, friendly mindset. | ||
| Jiu-jitsu people are super friendly. | ||
| Very affectionate, too. | ||
| All the guys I've noticed a lot of combat athletes are like that, but there's a gentleness to it. | ||
| Bernard Hopkins I've talked to a lot. | ||
| He sits right next to you, and literally he invades your space. | ||
| But it doesn't feel menacing or fucking weird. | ||
| It feels almost like he's just an affectionate, gentle guy. | ||
| You know how you get energy from people? | ||
| It just doesn't feel uncomfortable. | ||
| Well, you know what? | ||
| A guy like Bernard, he's so confident in himself. | ||
| He doesn't exude any insecurities or weirdness. | ||
| I mean, he's an all-time great. | ||
| Period. | ||
| There's not a single human being that knows boxing that would argue that Bernard Hopkins isn't an all-time great. | ||
| I remember when he fought Tito Trinidad. | ||
| Did you ever see that fight? | ||
| No. | ||
| He fought Felix Trinidad, and I believe he was 36 at the time, and Trinidad was in his prime, and everybody really thought that Trinidad was going to run him over. | ||
| And he beat the fucking shit out of Trinidad. | ||
| And it was a weird, controversial fight, because he was in Puerto Rico, and he took the Puerto Rican flag and threw it on the ground, and everybody went crazy and wanted to kill him. | ||
| Yeah, he wanted to get inside Trinidad's head and get him to try to brawl with him. | ||
| And he did? | ||
| Bernard picked him apart. | ||
|
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Wow. | |
| He picked him apart and fucked him up. | ||
| And then years later, when people wrote him off again, he fought Kelly Pavlik. | ||
| And this is after Kelly Pavlik had knocked out Jermaine Stewart. | ||
| And he was thought to be like, the guy. | ||
| You know, and everybody was like, Kelly Pavlik's gonna fuck up Bernard Hopkins. | ||
| And Bernard Hopkins beat the shit out of him, too. | ||
| Who finally knocked him? | ||
| What was his last fight? | ||
| Joe Smith. | ||
| He was 51. I'm pretty sure. | ||
| He was either 50 or 51. He wanted to be 50. I think he had fought 49 fights. | ||
| No, no. | ||
| He wanted to fight when he was 50. He wanted to fight Mayweather for his 50th fight. | ||
| I remember him talking about that right before he turned 50. Really? | ||
| Mayweather would never fight him. | ||
| He's so much bigger. | ||
| Yeah, I guess he was talking about cutting weight, or maybe he was just saying that, but he talked about fighting Floyd. | ||
| Maybe Floyd coming up and him going down. | ||
| Boy, if I was Floyd, I'd say, fuck that. | ||
| Well, Floyd probably did, because he never fought him. | ||
| But I think that he was talking about that when he was 49. Yeah, because Floyd is a tiny man. | ||
|
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Yeah. | |
| I mean, Floyd is a natural 147-pound fighter. | ||
| Like, when he weighed in for the fight with Conor, he weighed 149. And Bernard was fighting 175. It's just so much larger. | ||
| Yeah, maybe he was talking about coming down. | ||
| I don't remember the conversation, but obviously they would have had to have a catchweight. | ||
| He fought this guy, Joe Smith Jr., who's a young guy who's a murderous puncher, and he just got fucked up and knocked through the ropes, and he fell on his head. | ||
| It was horrible. | ||
| Yeah, but he had such a great... | ||
| He was bound to get... | ||
| He had to go down sooner or later. | ||
| But yeah, just a nice dude. | ||
| And I love guys like that who don't try to give off... | ||
| Just that shitty energy and I don't think I've ever gotten that energy off of fighters Well, you won't get it off the successful ones because to get successful you want to have as few Things that are in your way that are cumbersome as possible few ego issues and as few Distorted perceptions of reality as possible in order to weave your way through to the top Yeah, | ||
| I mean there's exceptions to that where you have like Phenomenal physical specimens that are incredibly dedicated and dealing with a lot of demons like Tyson in his prime. | ||
|
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Yeah. | |
| You know, but I don't know if that would work in MMA the same way it worked in boxing. | ||
| Like, I just don't know with all the variables in boxing. | ||
| Like, with Tyson, or in MMA rather, with Tyson, like, in his prime, he could just wade towards guys bob and weave and throw bombs and figure out a way to just smash them. | ||
| He was just so much faster than everybody and he hit so hard. | ||
| Yeah, and they were afraid of him. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But I wonder if you're ever going to see that kind of person dominate the way Tyson did as a MMA fighter. | ||
| Like, I just don't know. | ||
| And it's weird. | ||
| I never care what their face looks like when they walk into the ring. | ||
| Like, you know, when you don't watch fighting, you're like, oh, God, he looks frightening. | ||
| But you pointed it out, and he chews gum, and he's steep and miocic when he walks in. | ||
| He couldn't look happier. | ||
| Oh, he's so calm. | ||
| Jose Aldo won't look the guy in the eye. | ||
| He looks like he's terrified. | ||
| He's just kind of looking down and being humble. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| None of that stuff seems to work with those guys because every one of them knows there's so many ways to lose. | ||
| I don't know what it is, but they don't seem to try that shit with each other like boxers. | ||
| Some guys do. | ||
| It was a big thing with Vanderlei Silva. | ||
| Vanderlei used to stare guys down big time, you know, and Mirko Krokop and him had like the greatest stare down in the history of pride. | ||
| They're just both staring at each other. | ||
| It was super intense. | ||
| I remember, by the way, Mirko, when you're talking about his stare, that's probably, whatever year he came over to UFC, was it 2008 or 2007? | ||
| You were on our show on K-Rock, and you were talking about this guy Mirko Krokop's coming over and his fucking stare, and we were watching his stare down. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| This is Mirko versus Vanderlei. | ||
| Vanderlei used to intimidate everybody, but Mirko was the head of an anti-terrorist squadron in Croatia. | ||
|
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Oof. | |
| He didn't give a fuck, and he was a world-class kickboxer. | ||
| Like, look how fucking intense this is. | ||
| He's completely unintimidated by that stare. | ||
| Yeah, and he beat the holy shit out of Vanderlei. | ||
| He was the first guy to really flatline Vanderlei. | ||
| He head kicked him into a coma. | ||
|
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Wow. | |
| Yeah, just blam! | ||
| It was the second time they fought. | ||
| The first time they fought was his first MMA fight, and they had all these weird, wacky rules. | ||
| Like, they could only be on the ground for 30 seconds, and they had to stand them back up. | ||
|
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In pride? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Mirko wasn't really doing MMA. I mean, he was sort of training in MMA, but... | ||
| Vanderlei was a champion. | ||
| I mean Vanderlei was a world-class fighter, and so they had some sort of a weird arrangement. | ||
| And the arrangement was like limited amount of time on the ground and a bunch of other wacky rules. | ||
| Who won that first fight? | ||
| It was a draw. | ||
| Because if no one finished anyone, that was the other thing. | ||
| Nobody finished anybody then decided that it was gonna be a draw. | ||
| And the rounds were, were they 10-minute rounds? | ||
| Well, back then they were 10-minute first rounds, and then you'd have a five-minute second round and a five-minute third round if it was a championship fight. | ||
| But I think with Vanderlei and him, they shortened the rounds as well. | ||
| I don't remember the whole deal. | ||
| But then the second time they fought, it was a legit Pride MMA fight. | ||
| And Mirko had already fought a bunch of Pride fights and really got into the groove. | ||
| And they'd become one of the best heavyweights alive. | ||
| And he just beat the shit out of Vanderlei. | ||
| I've never seen that stare down. | ||
| That was really intense. | ||
| Intense! | ||
| That was an intimidating stare down. | ||
| Yeah, that's Mirko in his prime. | ||
| Unshakeable. | ||
|
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Because he's not moving. | |
| Not moving. | ||
| Yeah, but you're right. | ||
| You're the head of an anti-terrorist police group, I guess, or police group. | ||
| Could I have sounded more like my niece? | ||
| The head of an anti-police? | ||
| But if you're like an anti-terrorism cop, I mean, that's the face you have. | ||
| I mean, you have to get information out of people. | ||
| Well, he's most likely seen a lot of people die. | ||
| You think? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Croatia's a hard place, man. | ||
| I mean, he's a hard man in a hard place. | ||
| And on top of being, like, a soldier, he was, you know, one of the best kickboxers alive. | ||
| Before he went into MMA. Oh man, he was amazing. | ||
| He was very good as a kickboxer, but really came into his own as an MMA fighter. | ||
| Because his style of kickboxing was uniquely effective in MMA. Because he was very explosive and fast. | ||
| Whereas some guys would be more... | ||
| They would be more methodical or technical, like Ernesto Hoost or Peter Ertz or some of these other guys. | ||
| They would stand in front of guys more and just pick their shots better. | ||
| Mirko would just blast you with one or two single shots. | ||
| But that was way more effective in MMA, that explosive, really fast style. | ||
| Yeah, I would like to see Wonderboy, one of his kickboxing fights. | ||
| He's like 57 and always a kickboxer. | ||
| I never watched him kickbox. | ||
| There's a lot online. | ||
| You can see him online. | ||
| I should do that online because God knows what I'm doing is not helping me. | ||
| The beating off stuff? | ||
| I'm trying not to as much, but there's so many fun things to watch. | ||
| I've been jerking off during the day because it's so ritualistic for me that when I jerk off during the day, I'm like, okay, I can be a person and I don't have to think about that for the rest of the day. | ||
| It really helps my day go much more productive. | ||
| Have you ever thought of meditating? | ||
| Do you meditate at all? | ||
| No, I get it. | ||
| Like, you know, before we started, Joe pointed out, he's like, you always have an issue. | ||
| And he's right. | ||
| And for me, it'll be an itch. | ||
| Well, you were talking about some new issue. | ||
| Yeah, my throat. | ||
| But I've had that for years, where certain foods fuck me up. | ||
| That happens to me, too, though. | ||
| Pot does that, for sure. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, if I smoke too much weed before a show, I get phlegmy. | ||
| I think it's a combination of maybe coffee and eggs like the eggs I think do it I went to like one of these alternative doctors I thought maybe my my adrenal glands were fucked up so he's like well you got to cut out the eggs or cut out the coffee and I can't stop with the coffee Fruits good for like before a show like apples, you know certain fruit fucks me I went around the corner. | ||
| I wanted a nice veggie Thing and a pure vegetable juice. | ||
| By the way celery in a fucking vegetable juice blows because it just dominates the entire juice I hate it. | ||
| It's great for cleaning out your system though. | ||
| Is it really good for you? | ||
| Oh throws your fucking pipes free. | ||
| Oh, okay Celery juice is one of the best juices like if you have to take a shit and You know, I've been constipated because I've been on a new medication that's supposed to cause diarrhea, but I have not been shitting. | ||
| What are you on a medication for? | ||
| It's PrEP, so you don't get HIV and I'm negative. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| I know, but I don't even really need it now because I'm in a fucking relationship. | ||
| But I started to take it. | ||
| I'm like, I'm just going to be smart because I'm a fucking pervert. | ||
| How is that smart to take a medication like that? | ||
| Aren't there AIDS medications now? | ||
| HIV medications that completely stop it from being a problem? | ||
| There are, but you don't want to have it. | ||
| I don't want to get it. | ||
| Yeah, I don't want to get it. | ||
| I mean, I've only taken it for a little while, and I'm probably going to stop because I'm in a relationship, and I got to go. | ||
| They want you to be tested after a month and make sure that your blood is okay, your liver is okay, your kidneys. | ||
| They want to, like, look you over. | ||
| Yeah, get off that shit. | ||
| Is it bad for you? | ||
| I just got to imagine it is. | ||
| Anything that... | ||
| I mean, anything that gives you diarrhea... | ||
| Well, it's only for a few days, but it didn't give it to me. | ||
| It literally stopped me from shitting. | ||
| But it gave you constipation. | ||
| It did, yeah. | ||
|
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It did. | |
| That can't be good. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I just, I mean, isn't that a, that's a thing with, like, Vicodin and a lot of those painkillers, it gives you constipation? | ||
| Yeah, I've only taken Vicodin once after I had my sinuses fixed. | ||
| But the prep I took, and I don't have any more of them, and I'm like, I'm gonna go back and see the guy, and I don't even know if I'm gonna do it again. | ||
| Don't take that shit. | ||
| I just, at one point I was being crazy, so I'm like, I just wanted to make sure I don't get that. | ||
| Yeah, you know, I would rather have some kind of a I know I wouldn't be on it forever, right? | ||
| But I'm like while I'm fucking acting like an ass Let me at least One of the podcast episodes that I took the most amount of heat for early in the day was I did a podcast with a guy named Peter Dewsburg He's a biologist out of the University of California Berkeley and he's a very respected biologist. | ||
| He's done a lot of great work on cancer and But he's got a very controversial take on HIV, and he does not believe that HIV causes AIDS. He thinks that HIV is evidence of a weak immune system. | ||
| And he thinks that when people have HIV, it's because their immune system is compromised. | ||
| It's not that HIV compromises their immune system. | ||
| And he feels like all these people that are catching AIDS and getting HIV, what's happening is they're doing a lot of party drugs. | ||
| They're doing amyl nitrate and crystal meth. | ||
| And that's very, very prevalent inside the gay community. | ||
| You know, gay guys party a ton, right? | ||
| And they're doing a lot of drugs. | ||
| And he points to the high correlation between all these people doing these party drugs and HIV. His work is widely criticized amongst legitimate scientists, and most people just do not agree with him. | ||
| And they say that the... | ||
| The connection between HIV and AIDS is rock solid and undeniable. | ||
| But he thinks it's not. | ||
| And boy, do people get mad at me about that one. | ||
| I'm just talking to this fucking guy who's a biologist at the University of California, Berkeley. | ||
| I mean, I'm figuring, this guy's a legit scientist, but he can't get funding for anything. | ||
| He's essentially a blackball from the academic community. | ||
| And it was really weird talking to him. | ||
| It's like, has anybody debated you? | ||
| And he's like, no, no one will debate me. | ||
| You know, is it almost like... | ||
| What about Arthur Ashe, or is he saying that a direct injection into the bloodstream will give it to you? | ||
| How does he explain those? | ||
| Well, I don't know what Arthur Ashe was doing, but what he was saying essentially was that... | ||
| Transfusion, I think he got it. | ||
| One of the things about HIV was that if you got HIV... Arthur Ashe got a transfusion for what reason, though? | ||
| Oh, I don't know. | ||
| I'm not sure. | ||
| I think he had something wrong, right? | ||
| What he's saying is that when your immune system is compromised, that's when HIV shows itself. | ||
| That HIV is a very weak virus, and that it only shows up in the immune systems of people that are compromised. | ||
|
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Okay. | |
| Is he saying we all have it, or you can catch it? | ||
| No, he's not saying we all have it, but he's saying you can catch it, but he's saying The evidence of it is only in people that have a weakened immune system. | ||
| Again, this is not something I believe, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| Don't get mad at me. | ||
| Because then you have kids like Ryan White, where there's a million different cases of people who obviously got it in very weird ways, or again, through blood transfusions, or they were born with it. | ||
| Well here it says, Arthur Ashe says he believed he contracted HIV, the viruses causes AIDS, through a transfusion of tainted blood during his second round of heart bypass surgery in 1983. First learned of his infection. | ||
| Now here's the other issue that Peter Duisburg was saying, was that what they were giving people when they first tested positive for HIV was AZT. And that AZT is a medication they used to use for chemotherapy, but they stopped using it for chemotherapy because it was killing people quicker than cancer was killing people. | ||
| I mean, it was just a brutal, brutal drug. | ||
| And they had a bunch of it in his mind. | ||
| They had a bunch of it laying around after that, and they decided to try to use it on AIDS patients. | ||
| And they started reintroducing it. | ||
| And you wonder, and I guess the conspiracy thing is like the pharmaceutical company had all these drugs that they wanted to get rid of and needed, or do they think that, hey, they were just trying to do something? | ||
| Who knows? | ||
| I mean, obviously it wasn't the smart thing to do because they don't use it anymore, and it didn't help people. | ||
| AZT did not help people with AIDS. I mean, people that took AZT died. | ||
| A lot of them. | ||
| A shitload of them. | ||
| And AIDS back then was essentially a death sentence. | ||
| But there was a lot of people that didn't do anything that got AIDS, that got HIV... And never got AIDS. They just took care of their body and took a holistic approach and used nutrition. | ||
| I just think it's super controversial, like anything else. | ||
| I mean, there's people that get cancer and don't die. | ||
| They get cured of it. | ||
| But then there's people that get cancer and it ravages their system and kills them. | ||
| Like Steve Jobs. | ||
| I mean, he listened to people. | ||
| Didn't he try alternative medicine? | ||
| Steve Jobs should still be alive. | ||
| He had, like they said, a pretty curable form of cancer. | ||
| I thought he had pancreatic. | ||
| No, I thought his was, they said, a fairly curable one that he had listened to his friends and tried to go so holistic, and they said if he had gone and just had it treated, he probably would have survived it. | ||
| Well, there's probably a lot of that going on. | ||
| There's always a lot of fucking wacky people with their wacky ideas about holistic medicine. | ||
| Dude, I saw a guy do a TED Talk on basically saying, like, strawberries are really good because they cause their anti-angiogenesis or something, which is about it stops the production of new blood vessels, and that's what feeds cancer. | ||
| Like, he literally had me convinced you could eat fucking strawberries and not get cancer in large quantities. | ||
| So, I mean, if you hear somebody talk who really knows what they're talking about, even if they're wrong... | ||
| Right. | ||
| A lot of people are convinced by that. | ||
| Well, that's one of the problems with YouTube videos, right? | ||
| Where people have wacky conspiracy theories. | ||
| As long as they speak with big words and they say things in complete sentences and they sound articulate, you start to believe them. | ||
| The one thing that has been proven to be effective with cancer, some forms of cancer, is ketogenic diets, diets where you're fat-based, where you eat a lot of avocados and coconut oil, and your body burns those rather than glucose. | ||
| And some cancers feed off sugar. | ||
| So to starve them, you go on a very low-sugar diet and a very high-fat diet, and apparently there's real science that shows There's some benefits to that. | ||
| But it's only certain kind of cancers. | ||
| Yeah, certain kind of cancers it doesn't affect at all. | ||
| Certain kind of brain cancers it doesn't affect at all. | ||
| It doesn't matter what the fuck you do. | ||
| You better go to a doctor. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, you can do both. | ||
| I mean, why not just go to the doctor and try some of that? | ||
| Like, have an avocado while you're going to the fucking hospital. | ||
| You have to choose. | ||
| What were you about to say, Jamie? | ||
| When I just Googled on the Steve Jobs thing, both of you are actually correct from what I just found. | ||
| He had pancreatic cancer, but he also could have been saved potentially. | ||
| But then this next thing also says that he lived for 20 years with it. | ||
| He didn't have chemo or radiation. | ||
| The Swayze had pancreatic and died within 18 months. | ||
| Oh, they're saying that the treatment killed him. | ||
| Or are there different kinds of pancreatic cancers, stupid? | ||
| Isn't it like there's Hodgkin's and non-Hodgkin's lymphoma, one is worse than the other? | ||
| Put that back up, please. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| It said Steve lived for 20 years with his cancer. | ||
| It seems he did not have chemotherapy or radiation treatment at all. | ||
| Who's answering this? | ||
| What is this? | ||
| This is a bullshit. | ||
| See, by the way, go up right there. | ||
| Walter Isaacson, he's writing a Steve Jobs biography. | ||
| He told 60 Minutes that Steve refused what could have been potentially a life-saving surgery. | ||
| But he did have more than one surgery, right? | ||
| Didn't he have his liver replaced? | ||
| I feel like he had a liver transplant. | ||
| What is it that makes a guy not want a surgery that might work? | ||
| Like, do people become delusional when they're that... | ||
| Are they afraid of the surgery? | ||
| Are they willing just to die? | ||
| Like, fucking Zappa hated going to the doctor, and he died when he was 56. What was wrong with Zappa when he died? | ||
| I think it was a cancer. | ||
| I want to say it was colon cancer or prostate. | ||
| The surgeon who gave Steve Jobs a new liver in two more years faces new questions. | ||
|
unidentified
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That's 2013. What does it say? | |
| It says, uh, he bought the Memphis house for a job, convalesced. | ||
| What? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| He later bought the Memphis house. | ||
| Ew. | ||
| He bought the house where Steve Jobs was living? | ||
| Yeah, they said the guy who was treating George Harrison brought him a guitar to sign while he was in the fucking hospital. | ||
| Hey, sign this real quick. | ||
| Yeah, yeah Revelation came with the end of the southern transplant mark boo boo boo boo say that name peru squee pera perus Aperic wait, that's cool. | ||
| Yeah Praskia Praskia Praskia Praskia Praskia front-page story rr r u s q u I a Praskia Front page story, Thursday in the Memphis Commercial Advocate. | ||
| Peace paints a vivid picture of the life-saving operation, although it takes most of the details about jobs from the Walter Isaacson biography, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. | ||
| So what is the question? | ||
| How did jobs move to the top of the list? | ||
| Oh, it's one of those things. | ||
| It's like Frank Underwood in the fucking... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, he probably paid somebody. | ||
| Jesus, how the fuck do you think he got to the top of the list? | ||
|
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Yeah. | |
| When you have $50 billion, you can move around. | ||
| Yeah, when the way you're emailing is because of something you've invented, you probably get to the fucking top of the list fast. | ||
| I wonder what killed his liver. | ||
| I wonder if it was medication. | ||
| I know a friend who just died from pancreatic cancer, and he had it for quite a few years. | ||
| I met him in 2014, and he already had it, and he just died. | ||
| It says he once refused Tim Cook's liver transplant offer because he has the same rare blood type as him. | ||
|
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|
Wow. | |
| Whoa, Tim Cook would have given Steve Jobs a chunk of liver? | ||
| Boy, that's intense. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And then he winds up taking over the company? | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| Yeah, what a good boss he must have been. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
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If you want to give your boss your liver, I wouldn't give my boss a hat. | |
| Yeah, could you, I guess obviously they were good friends, but could you imagine? | ||
| That's intense, man. | ||
| Your liver is something that regenerates. | ||
| Hospital where Jobs received transplant was given $40 million by him. | ||
| Well, that's how you do it. | ||
| Yeah, I guess he was appreciative. | ||
| Yeah, that's how you get to the front of the line. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| What, do you think lines are supposed to be fair, you fucks? | ||
| There's a way to cut. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
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|
$40 million. | |
| $40 million you can cut. | ||
| Yeah, if you give some money to the hospital, it's probably going to save a shitload of lives. | ||
| We went to, before we came here, my radio agent died of cancer. | ||
| He was like 64, or 65. He was not that old. | ||
| And he had a cancer of lymph, I think the lymph nodes. | ||
| And he fucking was getting a little bit better, we thought. | ||
| And then... | ||
| Do you think there's a correlation between these people and these super high-stress jobs, like agents? | ||
| It can, because I know Bob was not a stressed guy, though, unless he swallowed all of it. | ||
| He was a very calm guy. | ||
| Like, literally, he was gentle, and he gave you bad news gently, but firmly. | ||
| He was a very, very unique guy. | ||
| He was not stressed unless he swallowed it and never showed it, but he seemed like a very zen guy. | ||
| And it was something with his went in for a breathing thing and just died I guess on the table and I don't have the details fuck man, but yeah, he was not that old I mean it was like you know 64 when you're I'm 49 so when you're someone 64 That's fucking that's a graspable age. | ||
| I wonder like you know obviously There's so many different factors that play into the lifespan, the difference between lifespans today, lifespans 100 years ago, 200 years ago. | ||
| And obviously there's been some big advances in medicine. | ||
| But I wonder how much our diet plays on the amount of cancer. | ||
| I mean, it's got to have a huge factor. | ||
| All the sugar, all the bullshit people eat, all the preservatives, smoking, pollution. | ||
| They say that just living in a city can take up to 10 years off your life. | ||
| That's also probably, like, it's probably the air and it's probably the stress, too, because people in the city are just, are stressed. | ||
| Yeah, I'm sure all that stuff goes into it. | ||
| I mean, we try to avoid it. | ||
|
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It has to. | |
| But I try to eat healthy, like grilled chicken. | ||
| You know what I never took into consideration until just a couple years ago? | ||
| I read an article on the effects of brake dust. | ||
| Like, when you're around a high population area and people are constantly hitting their brakes. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| When you're in traffic all the time. | ||
| Those brakes, when you, you know, you ever clean your wheels and you get that brake shit all over your wheels? | ||
| Sure. | ||
| That stuff's in the air. | ||
| That black sooty shit, that shit gets in the air. | ||
| And if you're in a place, like say if you're in Manhattan, And you got like a, you know, second floor walk-up. | ||
| Your window's open. | ||
| You're just taking in brake dust. | ||
| You're breathing that in all the time. | ||
| I mean, you'll wipe it off your fucking furniture and shit. | ||
| You'll see it on your table. | ||
| It's something no one ever thinks of either. | ||
| Like, I've never heard anyone discuss brake dust, but it is something that's all over the place. | ||
| Well, we find dust back there, Jamie. | ||
| Like, what is that dust that we keep finding back there? | ||
| It's all black. | ||
| Yeah, it's probably just like L.A. dirt, soot, because it's dry and dusty around here. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But it's black. | |
| I see it in my house, too, in Hollywood. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| But I mean, back there, it's weird, because we have a closed garage door. | ||
| It just comes in under the air. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We have this workout equipment, and when we wipe the workout equipment, like if we go back there right now and put a wet paper towel to that reverse hyper machine, the top of it, it's all black. | ||
| Like black dust. | ||
| Wait, there's stuff behind that? | ||
| Yeah, there's a whole warehouse back there. | ||
| Dude, as many times I've been in this room, I thought this was the entire room. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| I had no idea. | ||
| What a cool fucking sectional that is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Goddammit. | |
| Yeah, there's a room back there and there's another room behind it. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| Scientists find new ways that freeways are trying to kill you. | ||
| What is it saying? | ||
| Artery thickening progressing twice the average in people living within a hundred meters of a freeway. | ||
| The connection between particulate matter and artery thickening were statistically significant for some groups. | ||
| Yeah, that's what they're talking about. | ||
| That's brake dust and shit that's coming out of exhaust pipes. | ||
| According to LA Times, 1.5 million people live within 300 meters of a freeway in the LA Basin. | ||
| Last year we found out that the freeway pollution travels much further than that, as much as 2,500 meters from the source. | ||
| Fuck all that. | ||
| So if you're, now I wonder if it's the same in Manhattan. | ||
| I'm sure it is, but, or maybe because Manhattan has less, you probably have a lot less cars going by your street in Manhattan than you do there. | ||
| 2,500 meters is far. | ||
| How far is that in like feet? | ||
| Or miles? | ||
| Is that a mile? | ||
| A little over a mile. | ||
| A mile? | ||
| Yeah, because a kilometer, that's two and a half kilometers. | ||
| That's fucked, man. | ||
| Everybody a mile from the highway is getting poisoned. | ||
| Jesus you hope it but how old is that study and is it still happening as much like our our break our breaks made me better now than they were a Few years ago. | ||
| It's the same thing. | ||
| No the same thing. | ||
| That's 2010 Breaks are the same. | ||
| I mean, there's no different. | ||
| They're they're the same fucking things They've always had these pads they press down they wear out you got to replace them and when they're wearing out They're grinding down that powder isn't going anywhere, right? | ||
| Someone should probably figure out a way how to contain that I mean it seems like What we're doing now is it just it just goes out into the atmosphere. | ||
| Maybe they should be like contained like where the powder the brakes would work the same way But the powder would have to be like sucked up into some sort of a pouch or something You have to change it like a filter. | ||
| How often would you have to change it? | ||
| Probably all the time, but that seems like That would be like a real viable alternative like some sort of encased brake thing You know, I mean, that doesn't seem like outside of the realm of engineering. | ||
| Well, can they make the breaks, if that sounds unfeasible, can they make the breaks out of something that's actually just not as bad for you? | ||
| Is there anything they can do that might be a little bit of a fix? | ||
| Well, I think anything you breathe. | ||
| If you breathe in sawdust, it sucks for you. | ||
| It's a particulate matter. | ||
| Like, you're taking in things, and you're taking a certain kind of dust into your lungs, and it becomes an irritant. | ||
| It's just not good. | ||
| Not good, Jamie. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| I'm sad. | ||
| Sad for all those people that live near the highway. | ||
| Well, they live near the highway and I have my lifestyle. | ||
| So I guess we're all gonna fucking drop dead a little earlier than we should. | ||
| Listen, you don't have HIV. No. | ||
| Keep a rubber on. | ||
| You're gonna be fine. | ||
| I can't. | ||
| Don't let anybody cum in your butt and everything's gonna be okay. | ||
| This is fucking, what a party killer. | ||
| I know. | ||
| I got a lot of rules. | ||
| But, uh, no, condoms, no, I can't wear them. | ||
| Well, that's gonna be a problem. | ||
| It's definitely a problem. | ||
| My fucking dick shrivels. | ||
| How many guys have gotten AIDS from regular sex, though? | ||
| Probably very few. | ||
| Very few. | ||
| Probably very few. | ||
| Everybody should have it. | ||
| I'm sure it's somehow physically possible, but you probably have to have so many things lined up to get it from fucking a pussy. | ||
| Or even fucking an ass. | ||
| You have to have so many things lined up. | ||
| I'm sure it can happen, though. | ||
| Yeah, the issue is it has to get into your body. | ||
| But I know that people get sick all the time from having a cut and then getting someone's blood in their cut. | ||
| That's happened to people in hospitals that have done surgery and cut their finger while they're doing it and they get infected by the blood of someone else. | ||
| That's common. | ||
| Right, so if you have a little cut on your dick... | ||
| I remember when I had that... | ||
| I've told this story in my HBO special. | ||
| I had a threesome with Ron Jeremy after the porn awards. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hey! | |
| Yeah, it was fun. | ||
| It didn't feel necessarily sexy, but it was fun. | ||
| Sexy. | ||
| Weird way to put it. | ||
| Yeah, it was a goof. | ||
| It was like a girl and he's fucking her. | ||
| So he went into the bathroom. | ||
| He was fucking one girl and he fucked another one. | ||
| I remember he put rubbing alcohol around his dick. | ||
| And I don't know if that's that good for you, but I think he was doing it to make sure he didn't have a cut. | ||
| Or he did that before he fucked her. | ||
| Rubbing alcohol. | ||
| Yeah, or something. | ||
| To make sure that it was clean and there were no cuts. | ||
| That is so hardcore. | ||
| It is, but his dick has probably seen a lot of action and it might be a way to keep things off it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| If that guy doesn't have AIDS, who the fuck is getting AIDS? Yeah. | ||
| You know? | ||
| I'm not lucky though. | ||
| Stop and think about that. | ||
| You're not lucky. | ||
| I'm not a lucky guy. | ||
| You're pretty lucky if you're here right now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Terrible at cards. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, think about that. | ||
| If that guy doesn't have AIDS, fuck. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, I do realize I've rolled the dice way too many times, and I'm like, I'm lucky. | ||
| Now I'm really grateful. | ||
| Like, fuck, man, you just stop. | ||
| Well, it's also your, you know, I just think it's harder to get For a man than it is for a woman. | ||
| It seems like unless again you let somebody come in your butt. | ||
| Yeah, that can be rough. | ||
| It's harder. | ||
| I think it's harder to get. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It is. | |
| What am I, a doctor? | ||
| No, but you're right. | ||
| I think it is hard. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Shut the fuck up. | |
| People are like, I'm about to go fuck without a rubber right now because Rogan says so. | ||
| No, but I think you're right. | ||
| It probably is harder to get unless you have a cut on your dick and she has a cut in her pussy and they happen to just go airtight against each other. | ||
| I mean, come on. | ||
| Yeah, for a woman, you've got to think everything's exposed, right? | ||
| All that area inside their vagina is all open tissue. | ||
| It's all absorbing. | ||
| They have the worst situation. | ||
| It's the worst setup. | ||
| I was told years ago by a woman who worked in the health field that it is such a delicate virus that if you... | ||
| She's like, a blowjob you won't even get it from. | ||
| Because your stomach kills the semen. | ||
| You can't even get it from a blowjob. | ||
| Which I don't know how true that is, but she told me that fucking... | ||
| She lived in Elkton, Maryland. | ||
| I remember she was a really cute girl I met at a road gig, and I remember the fucking town she lived in. | ||
| And she was telling you this before she blew you? | ||
| And after. | ||
| Don't worry about it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Don't worry about it. | ||
| Stomach acids. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Watch. | |
| Glug, glug, glug. | ||
| Yeah, she was a wonderful health practitioner. | ||
| She fucking drained about a gallon of seeds and told me we're all going to be fine. | ||
| Elkton, Maryland. | ||
| Good girl. | ||
| Isn't it crazy, though, that so many diseases kill people from sex? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I mean, syphilis, gonorrhea, those get fatal without, you know, like, isn't syphilis what killed Al Capone? | ||
| I think so, yeah. | ||
| I believe it did. | ||
| But in the 20s, there was nothing they could do for it, right? | ||
| Right, yeah. | ||
| But, I mean, it's just amazing that untreated, so many diseases... | ||
| I mean, think about how few things, other than, like, severely compromised immune systems that get hit by the flu... | ||
| You know, the people that die from the flu, usually it's old people or young people, really young people that are kind of frail. | ||
| They wind up getting sick and dying from common colds and things along those lines. | ||
| But most people, they get better from it. | ||
| Can you imagine shooting cancer out of your dick? | ||
| If that was like fucking, that would be, like that's where we'd have a problem. | ||
| If you could give somebody cancer sexually. | ||
| And I know they say oral sex and throat cancer is possible. | ||
| Well, HPV, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Human papilloma virus can give some women ovarian cancer. | ||
| Yeah, or you can get it in your throat if they have it from eating pussy. | ||
| Well, isn't that what the Michael Douglas thing was? | ||
| They said that, man. | ||
| Fucking Catherine Zeta-Jones put the kibosh on that rumor. | ||
| She was like, not true. | ||
| Plus, we're getting a divorce. | ||
| Oh, yeah, man. | ||
| She must have been when he went out and started talking about that and everyone's looking at her pussy. | ||
| That must have been so annoying. | ||
| You know, Michael, throat cancer and oral sex. | ||
| Photo of him, I get if you Google, throat cancer and oral sex, Michael Douglas comes up. | ||
| Yeah, that's gotta be a bummer. | ||
| Yeah, he probably should've kept his mouth shut about that, but she was like, Correct me if I'm wrong, but wasn't she suffering from some serious mental illness, like some ruthless bipolar type shit? | ||
| Oh, I don't know. | ||
| Yeah, I think Catherine Zeta-Jones is pretty open about mental illness. | ||
| I didn't know she was. | ||
| It's not surprising that there's somebody that hot. | ||
| There's always a price to pay. | ||
| Yeah, there's always, you know, you date someone that beautiful. | ||
| Is that her now? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Her private struggle. | ||
| Catherine Zeta-Jones bipolar disorder. | ||
| Well, you know it's true because it's in people celebrity. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They always get through the bottom of things. | ||
| Yeah, she's too hot. | ||
| That's the problem. | ||
| Nature just gives her a fucking curveball. | ||
| Oh, you want to be hot? | ||
| How about a little crazy to go that hot? | ||
| You're going to be this beautiful and you're going to want to hang yourself during a Sanka commercial. | ||
| There you go. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look at this. | |
| She says, I torture my husband. | ||
| Had a tough few years from her husband's cancer to her own public battle with bipolar disorder. | ||
| Now the Hollywood star is back with a new film. | ||
| Not really new. | ||
| How inspirational. | ||
| Because she's kind of vanished off the face of the map. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You got to wonder, like, when people... | ||
| I was looking at some pictures the other day of some movie star that I forgot who his name was. | ||
| But he was, like, in a ton of movies. | ||
| And then, oh... | ||
| The guy that was in platoon with the scars all over his face. | ||
| Oh, Tom Berenger. | ||
| Tom Berenger. | ||
| And then just vanished. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| He kind of did, man. | ||
| And I don't know why. | ||
| He did a movie about being a school teacher. | ||
| There's nothing worse than the white school teacher in the black school. | ||
| We get it. | ||
| We get it. | ||
| You're rescuing them. | ||
| Fucking Hollywood assholes. | ||
| Those Those movies are the worst. | ||
| Michelle Pfeiffer, how great was she in Dangerous Minds? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Remember when Gangsta's Paradise was the theme song? | |
| And she was going to go in there with that bad accent. | ||
| And it was funny because this is white people feeling like their music was getting lame. | ||
| Where I think it was Bob Dylan lyrics she was teaching the young ruffians with. | ||
| That's like desperate white people wanting to go like, look, black guys, our stuff's cool. | ||
| And they read the lyrics. | ||
| They're like, oh shit, these are troubled times. | ||
| Fucking terrible. | ||
| Like a rock. | ||
| I was strong as I could be. | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
| Can we check that if it was Bob Dylan's song? | ||
| Never shoot a homeboy. | ||
| Oh my god, she wrote that down. | ||
| Who should you shoot, Catherine or Michelle? | ||
| Her fucking hair, girl. | ||
| She looks like Gilbert Grape with that hair, too. | ||
| She was really hot, but not in that one. | ||
| Yeah, and she had a leather jacket on. | ||
| On the show, she was hardcore. | ||
| Even indoors, she wears a leather jacket. | ||
| Her accent was not good. | ||
| Gangster. | ||
| What was the accent in that? | ||
| It was Southern, but it kind of went back and forth. | ||
| I don't know if she was from Tennessee or fucking Boston. | ||
| That's the worst. | ||
| I think they make a decision. | ||
| One day, the first day of shooting is 40 minutes into the film. | ||
| 40 minutes deep into the movie, that's the first day of shooting. | ||
| And then they start somewhere else and they change the accent. | ||
| And it just changes by the time they get to 40 minutes. | ||
| Look at that picture of her with Coolio. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Wow, that's a good one. | ||
| Coolio won Fear Factor. | ||
| Did he really? | ||
| Yeah, and he was so high. | ||
| I mean, so high. | ||
| I would open up his trailer door and just get a fucking ferocious contact high. | ||
| Just from opening the door, I was like, what? | ||
| Fascinating guy. | ||
| Well, I don't know. | ||
| I did what to recall. | ||
| Mark Maron had a show called Nevermind the Buzzcocks. | ||
| And one of the guests on there was Coolio. | ||
| And I did it with Wonder Mike from the Sugarhill Gang. | ||
| Coolio. | ||
| Nevermind the Buzzcocks? | ||
| Yeah, Mark Maron. | ||
| It was a British show. | ||
| And then Mark Maron hosted it here in like 2000. Hmm. | ||
| And he was one of the guests. | ||
| And he loved me. | ||
| We had so much fun. | ||
| And I saw him years later and he had no memory that we'd ever met. | ||
| So he did seem a bit high. | ||
| I was like, he loved me. | ||
| He literally got on his knees and was bowing to me. | ||
| Because I said something fucked up so he was just enjoying it. | ||
| So I'm like, the guy will definitely remember me. | ||
| It's like fucking dumb slick Rick. | ||
| I brought him on stage at the Comedy Cellar one time. | ||
| We took a photo together. | ||
| I saw him years later in the airport. | ||
| Nothing. | ||
| How do you not remember being brought on stage from the audience? | ||
| If I was watching a show and they brought me up on stage, Manny was like, but do a picture! | ||
| I think a lot of those guys, they meet so many people that their hard drive is just constantly full. | ||
| They're just constantly deleting files. | ||
| Which is understandable. | ||
| It was just the circumstances that were weird. | ||
| Not the fact that it was me. | ||
| I've interviewed people and they don't remember me, but I get that because I've done radio shows and I don't know who the fuck you are ten minutes later. | ||
| There you go. | ||
| Oh, yeah, yeah. | ||
| You and Slick Rick at the Cellar. | ||
| It's one of my favorite photos in history. | ||
| He was in the audience and none of the comedians would talk to him. | ||
| So I was going to. | ||
| I was told I loved him. | ||
| And I'm like, I'm taking a photo with you after the show. | ||
| And Manny, the owner, was in there. | ||
| And he goes, do it now! | ||
| You know, Manny was so great. | ||
| And so fucking Rick came on stage. | ||
| Did he get shot in the eye or something? | ||
| I don't know how his eye, I believe he got shot or he did something like that was in a children's story, like there was something similar in his real life when he went to jail, like that rapid children's story, but I don't know exactly how his eye went. | ||
| I thought he had an interesting story for that, but maybe he didn't. | ||
| I interviewed Coolio before he won Fear Factor, and the last stunt that he won, he was telling me that this is already over, he's already done this, he's lived a thousand lives and a thousand universes, and he was just so barbecued. | ||
| It was like inspirational. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| I was listening to him, I was like, whoa. | ||
| But because he was so high, I think he just had no nerves going in. | ||
| He just sort of did the event like it was nothing. | ||
| Unafraid. | ||
| Yeah, it was some balance thing. | ||
| I forget what it is. | ||
| They were on some beams or some shit. | ||
| It's fucking amazing nobody died doing that show. | ||
| I look back at it sometimes and I just go, whew. | ||
| Aren't they doing it again with another host? | ||
| Yeah, with Ludacris. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| Ludacris is doing it. | ||
| They did it once. | ||
| I don't know if they're going to keep doing it. | ||
| Apparently it was kind of a flop. | ||
| Was it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You know why? | ||
| Because when it was done, it was very timely. | ||
| But now with the internet has gotten so much faster and we can watch everything on our phone, it's kind of hard. | ||
| You can see real life deaths. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So it's kind of hard to see people doing crazy stuff when you can turn it on and just see someone do it without a show around. | ||
| They're just doing it. | ||
| Well, it's also, they did it without the original production team. | ||
| And the original production team, they cut the budget substantially, so it looked kind of cheap. | ||
| And then the stunts weren't as dangerous. | ||
| Like, the original production team, they were wizards. | ||
| I mean, they were really good at that kind of show. | ||
| And they did 148 episodes of the first season, and then we came back, we did six more. | ||
| So there was a... | ||
| I mean, they had just massive amounts of experience of putting together, like, the stunt people, the B-stunt people. | ||
| B-stunts were all the gross things. | ||
| Like, all that stuff was... | ||
| I think they didn't do any gross stuff this time around. | ||
| That's because the lawyers probably got involved. | ||
| They probably now, it's corporate, and the lawyers are probably like, oh, you know, and then they're, like, worried about lawsuits, and no matter what you sign, they're still going to sue. | ||
| So the lawyers probably chopped a lot of that shit out, or they couldn't get insurance. | ||
| Well, with NBC, the second iteration of Fear Factor in like, what was it, like 2012 or something like that, and we did it again? | ||
| 2011, 2012. When we did it again, they were off, I think it was 11. They did it, it was off the deep end scary. | ||
| Like, they went way too far. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They did. | |
| Yeah, it was dangerous. | ||
| I thought it was dangerous. | ||
| Like, some of the stunts they were doing were like so much more intense than the stuff that we had done before. | ||
| I'm like, this is fucking, someone could get hurt here. | ||
| Did you not want to do it after that, like a second season of the new iteration, or you just didn't want to do it? | ||
| Well, they canceled it because people had a drink cum. | ||
| Wow, that should have automatically got to the second season. | ||
| That's what got it canceled. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| They played horseshoes for donkey cum. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They were throwing horseshoes, and no matter what, you had to drink some cum. | ||
| Like, if you landed a perfect ring toss, I think you only had to drink a couple of ounces. | ||
| But these dudes were drinking, like, beer steins of cum. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow! | |
| Why did they cancel? | ||
| Were there complaints? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| Or did the network go... | ||
| Yeah, they went too far. | ||
| TMZ got a hold of footage, and they put... | ||
| NBC passed on, I mean, they passed, they said, okay, to all the stunts, right? | ||
| So they cleared all of the ridiculous stunts that they wanted to do, and this was the most ridiculous. | ||
| Like, getting people to drink cum on television. | ||
| Yeah, it's rough. | ||
| Well, it's just like, it's so over-the-top, and the idea was that they couldn't have Fear Factor the way they used to have it before. | ||
| It had to be bigger, badder, crazier Fear Factor. | ||
| And so the second version of it was just completely over-the-top. | ||
| A little too much, and they pushed it too far, and it grossed people out. | ||
| Yeah, they drank donkey piss and donkey cum, and it was twins. | ||
| So one twin had to drink the piss. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| So she's drinking piss and the other girl's drinking cum. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| That's a lot of it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
She drank a mug. | |
| A mug of cum. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| What a great girlfriend she must be, though. | ||
| What a fucking ace. | ||
| You know what's interesting? | ||
| A lot of the girls... | ||
| Wanted to drink the cum rather than drink the piss. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| They have experience with it. | ||
| The piss is a grosser thing. | ||
| Cum, they're like, all right, cum is not great, but I've drank it. | ||
| And that guy drank cum. | ||
| And look at that. | ||
| They're hugging. | ||
| They got cum on their shirts. | ||
| It was deep, man. | ||
| There's only been two times ever in the history of the show where I said to the producers, hey, don't do this. | ||
| And that was one of them. | ||
| You said they shouldn't do it? | ||
| I said it's too much. | ||
| It's just too crazy. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| That's a lot of cum. | ||
| A shot of cum. | ||
| Look at her. | ||
| Chugging it down. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| And chugging it down with me, my fucking stupid big head hovering over you telling you to do it. | ||
| You were encouraging her to drink the cum? | ||
| Yeah, it's like, you know, I mean, I wanted her to win. | ||
| I wanted them all to win. | ||
| It's part of the problem with doing that show. | ||
| You like them? | ||
| Well, yeah. | ||
| I mean, hopefully you wanted people to, you know, I was like a coach or a motivational speaker as much as I was a host. | ||
| Tell them you can do it. | ||
| Why don't you get in their head and you just tell them, like, look, you just put one foot in front of the other and just don't entertain any thoughts of quitting. | ||
| Because a lot of quitting... | ||
| It's just in your mind. | ||
| A lot of quitting is just your mind saying, man, we can't do this. | ||
| Man, we should find a way out. | ||
| Man, fuck this. | ||
| This is just too uncomfortable. | ||
| Whereas if you can just force yourself to push those aside and don't entertain those thoughts at all, you can get through a lot of things you can't get through. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, that's the hard part is when you start telling us. | ||
| It's almost like when people push themselves. | ||
| I remember Matt Serra was actually talking about Ray Longo and the way he'll push you past where you think you can go. | ||
| But my problem is I'll stop when I think I have to stop. | ||
| But I guess there is this stuff in the reserve tank, but it just feels like there's nothing there. | ||
| Well, it's a mindset. | ||
| It's like if you get your mind accustomed to convincing your body that enough is enough, and then you start entertaining those thoughts and thinking of those thoughts more than thinking about concentrating on the task at hand, you start thinking about, boy, if I just quit now, I can quit. | ||
| All this uncomfortable feeling will stop. | ||
| All this heaving of my breath or burning of my legs or whatever it is that you're doing, that can all stop. | ||
| All the nervousness can stop. | ||
| Like, you see a lot of times, Before fights, we've had several instances over the course of the history of the UFC. Most of the time it doesn't happen, but several instances where people get anxiety attacks. | ||
| And you could attribute that to a lot of different things, right? | ||
| You could say, well, some people just have anxiety, and well, what is an anxiety attack? | ||
| Well, some people believe that a lot of what's happening is... | ||
| The mindset that you're entering into a fight with and that you're allowing your mind to just sort of run rampant rather than corralling it and Channeling your mind into very distinct pathways like very distinct pathways of only beneficial thoughts and You will vacillate and deviate from those thoughts but always bring it back to those very Important thoughts and to have some sort of a mantra like you are here to do your very best That's it and all thoughts of quitting | ||
| if your body fails on you. | ||
| That's one thing but let it fail Don't don't don't entertain those thoughts. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Now. | ||
| It's time to quit. | ||
| Don't stop it Don't entertain those thoughts And there's a guy named David Goggins, we've talked about him on the podcast almost too much, but he's a very famous endurance athlete who's a, I think he's a Navy SEAL. And he has the world record for the most amount of chin-ups in a day. | ||
| How many? | ||
| Some insane amount, right? | ||
| He will do sets of five, where he does five chin-ups, and he does them over the course of, it was over a thousand, right? | ||
| Way more. | ||
| I think it was 2,000. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That way it doesn't burn his arms out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| But how long will it take him between each one? | ||
| It takes a little break. | ||
| You know, do five, take a little break, relax a little, do another five, take a little break, relax a little, go back again. | ||
| And he attempted it more than once, because one time he did it in his forearm tour. | ||
| 4,000 in 24 hours. | ||
| Oh my God! | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So, that guy, one of his statements is, most people quit at 40%. | ||
| Most people quit at 40% of what they're capable of. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Yeah, and I think that's absolutely accurate. | ||
| Yeah, I think about that all the time. | ||
| I think about all the time when I'm on a hard run. | ||
| Like, you got to know when you're running like hills in particular, you got to know when you're just fucking exhausted and you're running the risk of falling down and you really can't breathe right. | ||
| Like, you're really pushed out. | ||
| Because particularly, like, Things like sprints or hill sprints, you will reach an aerobic threshold. | ||
| You'll reach a place where you really can't go any further. | ||
| Your heartbeat is 185 beats a minute. | ||
| You can't do it. | ||
| Yeah, you're blowing your shit out. | ||
| I mean, it's going to fail. | ||
| But when is it failing and when are you quitting? | ||
| Because there's some uncomfortable moments where my heart's like 150, 160, where if I was feeling like a pussy, I'd be like, let me just take a break here and breathe. | ||
| Which is what Bert Kreischer does. | ||
| Yeah, he probably has to. | ||
| He's a heavier man. | ||
| No, a lot of it's mental. | ||
| So you think he's just quitting? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's hard not to though because you feel like your mind is telling you like I'm on the treadmill. | ||
| I can't do much. | ||
| You're like, ah! | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| I can't do it. | ||
| It's fucking boring too. | ||
| That's why I like running outside. | ||
| I don't like running. | ||
| I think running on a treadmill would be great if you had a fucking awesome movie in front of you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Like say if you were watching Platoon and you're running on a treadmill and it's right in front of you or Apocalypse Now and you're listening to it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, I mean, you can get into it. | ||
| But I like running outside because I know where I'm going, and that's part of the goal. | ||
| If I reach this peak, that means it's a mile, 1.6 miles, and then another 1.6 back. | ||
| Can you run farther in real life or in a treadmill? | ||
| I don't run on treadmills. | ||
| But if you had to, which one could you do? | ||
| Oh, way more on a treadmill. | ||
| You can. | ||
| Oh, for sure. | ||
| First of all, the way I run, I'm running all hills. | ||
| I don't really run flat. | ||
| When I'm running flat, it's for very short periods of time. | ||
| It's only flat in between hills. | ||
| Oh, I fucking hate hills. | ||
| They're terrible. | ||
| But here's the thing. | ||
| I kickboxed yesterday for the first time in months. | ||
| I hadn't done any pad work, any bag work, anything like that. | ||
| And I was going through rounds like it was nothing. | ||
| It was crazy. | ||
| Like, it was so different. | ||
| You do the cardio's better? | ||
| Oh, my cardio's way better. | ||
| Just from running these hills. | ||
| Because I do it, I'm committed to doing it twice a week. | ||
| I try to do it three times a week, but I'm committed to doing it twice a week. | ||
| So I did it today, and I did it Monday. | ||
| How long does it take you to run the hills? | ||
| An hour. | ||
| My workout's an hour. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| It's fucking brutal, dude. | ||
| At the end, I've lost several pounds of water. | ||
| I'm completely exhausted. | ||
| I'm drained. | ||
| But when I do other stuff, I have way more endurance. | ||
| And I feel great after. | ||
| Like right now, I'm so relaxed. | ||
| After that happens, you just feel so good. | ||
| You feel like regular life is just not as hard because the running is so difficult. | ||
| I should try that. | ||
| You know, I fucking hate running so much, but I'm so bored in the gym. | ||
| But you live in Manhattan. | ||
| Yeah, but there's still the park. | ||
| I mean, there's little places you could run there. | ||
| Yeah, but you're not running. | ||
| You know what you should do? | ||
| There's nothing wrong with that. | ||
| I mean, running is definitely a good thing as long as you're doing it the right way and running on the balls of your feet and not on the heel. | ||
| But try taking yoga. | ||
| You know, I like yoga. | ||
| I like women with yoga bodies, that fucking long, lean thorax. | ||
| That's a sexy look on a woman. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Thorax? | |
| They just have like an insect body almost. | ||
| It's long and lean. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like insects? | |
| What's that? | ||
| Are you into bugs? | ||
| No, but that's the best way I can compare them. | ||
| I've had bugs on me. | ||
| I don't care for them. | ||
| Three times. | ||
| Are you a bug catcher? | ||
| No, those guys are crazy, man. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| Yeah, they actually almost want it. | ||
| Yeah, they do want it. | ||
| They want it. | ||
| I think it's to relieve the pressure. | ||
| Tell people what we're talking about. | ||
| Bug catchers are guys. | ||
| I've only heard it being gay guys. | ||
| Maybe they're straight guys that do it, but they'll go out and fuck guys trying to catch HIV. Yeah, or let guys fuck them. | ||
| Let guys fuck them, yeah, yeah. | ||
| I mean, let guys fuck them to catch HIV. They want it. | ||
| And I personally think it's because then the pressure is off. | ||
| That's my guess. | ||
| I don't comprehend it. | ||
| I think it's a self-hate thing. | ||
| Oh, maybe. | ||
| Yeah, I think it's the same reason why some people want to amputate their hands. | ||
| Some people are just nuts. | ||
| Yeah, that is kind of a nutty thing to do, to want to catch, you know, like, why? | ||
| I don't even want it now, even though I know that there's medicine that stops it. | ||
| Well, we were talking about this yesterday. | ||
| Why do people like fisting? | ||
| It's just to show that you're past what everybody else is thinking of as hardcore. | ||
| Like, I'll take a whole fist right up to the elbow. | ||
| Some women's pussies are weird, though, man. | ||
| I dated a girl, I used to fist. | ||
| I would fist her. | ||
| You dated a girl you used to fist? | ||
| I could never get all of it in. | ||
| I have little hands, too, but I would get the first four and part of my knuckle, and that would be our dirty talk. | ||
| She would go crazy when I would talk to her and tell her that what I'm going to do is I'm going to curl the thumb. | ||
| When I told her I was going to curl the thumb, she knew that the fist was going in. | ||
| She'd go fucking nuts. | ||
| Even if I was just talking dirty to her. | ||
| I would say, I'm going to curl the thumb, and she knew that man always putting his fucking five fingers in me. | ||
| What a nutty bitch. | ||
| Yeah, I could never get all of it in. | ||
| I would get it in like this, like a praying mantis. | ||
| Like you're poking, like a bird. | ||
| Yeah, where your thumb is touching the four curled... | ||
| It's cheating. | ||
| It's a cheating way to fist somebody. | ||
| I don't get it. | ||
| My asshole has zero ability to take more than a finger. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Woo! | |
| Yeah, a whole fist. | ||
| There's a video that Nick Swartzen sent me and Whitney, we were talking about it yesterday, where there's a dude... | ||
| He's holding a dude up in front of him, like a backpack on the front. | ||
| The guy's around him, and he's got his fist all the way up to the elbow in this guy's ass. | ||
| And he just keeps pumping it up in there. | ||
| And he's holding the guy? | ||
| Yeah, he's holding him up. | ||
| He's got his arm wrapped around him, and then the other arm is just going in there. | ||
| Credit to both of those guys. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| They're pioneers, for sure. | ||
| That reminds me of Holding Up. | ||
| I was watching season two again of The Ultimate Fighter, and there's one thing where they do, like, how long, how many rotations around the heavyweight can, I think they were either a middleweight or a welterweight do, where he climbs on top of the heavyweight. | ||
| I've never seen that before. | ||
| And he was going around, like, how many different times can you go around this heavyweight's body without touching the ground? | ||
| I figured 10, 15... | ||
| I mean, it was fucking like a hundred or two hundred times that went around. | ||
| The ability to hold somebody else up is just... | ||
| But see, the thing about something like that is doing a contest like that, you got to realize that person's blown their body out for days after that. | ||
| If that's not something you're accustomed to and you're doing on a daily basis, That's like doing a chin-up contest, like David Goggins. | ||
| If you do that, don't plan on fighting in a week, because your arms are going to be blown out. | ||
| Your legs are going to be blown out. | ||
| You're going to get fucked up. | ||
| It's definitely a good skill to have, but doing something like that You could do it one time to find out what your max is, but don't plan on recovering from that anytime soon. | ||
| That's the thing about people and injuries. | ||
| One of the big problems with injuries with MMA fighters, jiu-jitsu people, a lot of people, is overtraining. | ||
| Meaning, you're not prepared for what you're doing. | ||
| I have a friend, my friend Cam Haynes runs a marathon a day. | ||
| He runs a marathon every day. | ||
| Well, he had to build up to that. | ||
| Wait, does he really? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| He's training for this 238-mile MOAB race in October. | ||
| So if you're running 238 miles, his idea is he gets a marathon in every day. | ||
| So his body is just constantly used to this sort of stress. | ||
| But for him, it's not that big a deal. | ||
| Like, he'll run a marathon. | ||
| It's not a problem. | ||
| But if you tried to run a marathon every day, your body would break down. | ||
| You'd have some serious issues. | ||
| On the first day, I couldn't do it. | ||
| Yeah, but again, you might be able to do it. | ||
| It might be able to take you eight hours. | ||
| You might be able to get through it. | ||
| But you're going to be fucked up for a while. | ||
| But if you built up to it slowly over time, you could develop the kind of muscular endurance that allows you to do something like that. | ||
| You get conditioned to it. | ||
| So like doing something like that where you're doing like these rotations around someone or you're doing like how many times you climb to the top of a 30-foot rope, you know, someone's doing something like that. | ||
| If that's not something you do all the time and you just try to do it once like on a television show for funsies, you could fuck yourself up. | ||
| No, I'm listening. | ||
| Yeah, no, I'm just saying things along those lines like when you're trying to do as many as you can, anytime you're doing as many as you can, like how many bodyweight squats can you do? | ||
| Maybe a hundred, you know, like, okay, let's see if you can get to 500. Good luck walking for the last couple days if you try to do that. | ||
| I like a couple... | ||
| Now, this guy does chin-ups. | ||
| Does he do, like, the perfect military ones, probably? | ||
| If he's a Navy SEAL, I'm sure he'll wear his full body hang and then up. | ||
| Yeah, those kipping chin-ups are kind of bullshit. | ||
| What's a kipping chin-up? | ||
| Where they flop around like a fish, like... | ||
| Do you ever see the ones where they go, they lift up, and then they go higher, like where they pull their full body weight above? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, those are awful. | ||
| It's called the muscle-up. | ||
| Oh, fuck that. | ||
| You just chin up and then you do a dip. | ||
| A lot of people think it's not the best functional exercise. | ||
| They think it looks cool and everything like that, but they don't believe it's a best functional exercise. | ||
| But the guys that can do that stuff. | ||
| I've looked at these guys that do these guys. | ||
| These guys are freaks. | ||
| These are outdoor guys where they work out outdoors and they can just do an endless amount of things outdoors. | ||
| They can hold the bar sideways. | ||
| Yeah, look at what this guy's doing. | ||
| He's just doing like chin-ups and dips and moving his body sideways. | ||
| It's incredible, the upper body strength. | ||
| Yeah, and control. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Not just the strength, but like the static control that he's able to do. | ||
| Oh my god, he's fucking, it looks like he's being blown in a hurricane. | ||
| Yeah, a lot of people do those. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| They're called flagpoles. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Can you do that? | ||
| I've never done that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Why am I saying that's surprising? | ||
| Of course I can't do it. | ||
| Yeah, it's not easy, but I can do it. | ||
| It's hard. | ||
| I can't do that. | ||
| I don't have that kind of balance. | ||
| Like that guy, he's doing like a dip to a handstand. | ||
| I can't do that. | ||
| In between two bars. | ||
| Yeah, and these guys, they all wear gloves, which I find interesting. | ||
| I guess they do that because the bars get sweaty. | ||
| Yeah, you don't want to slip and it probably fucks your hands up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I used to wear little fingerless gloves when I worked out just to keep my hands... | ||
| I'm like Curly from Mice and Men. | ||
| Like Dice. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| Keep my hands smooth and soft. | ||
| Dice wears those because he doesn't want to shake hands with people. | ||
| Oh, please. | ||
| I was on the road with Dice. | ||
| Here's what Dice would do. | ||
| When someone would come over, he curls his... | ||
| He has a fingerless glove. | ||
| He'll curl his fingers into the glove and give them a fist to shake the fucking worst handshakes ever. | ||
| He's so crazy. | ||
| He hated shaking hands with people. | ||
| And he would go and wash his hands. | ||
| I remember one time we were out to eat, and some guy, he washed his hands, and a guy came over and shook his hand, and I just went, ugh! | ||
| And then got up and had to go to the bathroom again. | ||
| It's so funny that he's just, he's such a pig on stage, but he hates germs. | ||
| He likes fucking honey and his tea. | ||
| He's just a big mama's boy. | ||
| He likes to be comforted. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's a very interesting guy, Dice. | ||
| And he's also, in a lot of ways, a pioneer. | ||
| Because he was one of the very first ever superstar stadium comedians. | ||
| Yes, he was. | ||
| There was no one like that. | ||
| Even Kinnison never hit that level before. | ||
| Steve Martin, I think, at one point had that. | ||
| And he had a tremendous mystique to him, too. | ||
| Steve Martin was the biggest comic in the world for a long time. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| But Dice had this thing where he came out like a fist and just punched through everything. | ||
| No one saw him coming. | ||
| There was no SNL. It was just this fucking animal. | ||
| I remember the first time I saw Andrew Dice Clay. | ||
| I was with a girl named Melanie. | ||
| No, no. | ||
| What the fuck her name was? | ||
| Michelle. | ||
| My girlfriend. | ||
| I was 18. I was at her house. | ||
| And she said, come in here. | ||
| This guy's so dirty. | ||
| I remember the first time I played Dice cassette to this girl that I was dating. | ||
| Her name was Marta. | ||
| She was from Nicaragua. | ||
| And we were in my car. | ||
| I think I was like... | ||
| I think I was 19. And we were sitting in my car playing this Dice Clay thing, fucking howling, laughing. | ||
| I couldn't believe how dirty it was and how funny it was. | ||
| It was dirty and it was funny. | ||
| Do you ever have Florentine on? | ||
| No. | ||
| Oh yeah, have I had Jim on? | ||
| I feel like I have. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes, I have. | |
| Jim Florentine is hilarious, and what he used to do is he'd make his girlfriend mixtapes of all these romantic songs, and he would put fucking bits from The Day the Laughter Died, and The Day the Laughter Died in just a line or two. | ||
| He'd play a really nice song, and then, I want to eat your cunt in a big red chair, and then a nice song. | ||
| You're about as funny as a glass of milk. | ||
| Dude, my favorite heck of line ever. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, because Dice had been talking about drinking milk and slipping on it like it's cum. | ||
| People are slipping like it's somebody's load. | ||
| And the guy's so mad at the audience, he can't grasp what to say. | ||
| So he goes, you're about as funny as a bottle of milk! | ||
| Because he just used what Dice had just said on stage. | ||
| Well, we explained to people, the day the laughter died was when Dice was on top of the world. | ||
| He decided to record at Dangerfields unannounced. | ||
| So Dangerfields... | ||
| In New York has historically been like a poorly attended club. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sure. | |
| Like, we would do shows there. | ||
| This is how poorly attended it is. | ||
| I did a show there once where I think my spot was probably like at 9 o'clock, and I got there at 8.30, and there was just a couple of comics hanging out at the bar. | ||
| I was like, what's going on? | ||
| And they go, no one's here yet. | ||
| And I go, what? | ||
| No one's here. | ||
| There's no audience. | ||
| So two people showed up, a couple. | ||
| They said, we're here to show. | ||
| And you remember Scotty, the big guy, the big Irish guy? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bobby. | |
| Bobby, rather. | ||
| Bobby, I didn't know. | ||
| Bobby was Scotty. | ||
| I'm sorry. | ||
| Bobby was like, right this way, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| And he brought these people into an empty room. | ||
| And they're like, what? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And they sat them down and then the MC went up. | ||
| So they started the show a half hour late because that was the first time people showed up. | ||
| And we all did sets for two fucking people. | ||
| I've done those, yep. | ||
| It was really weird. | ||
| So Dice decides to record his album there, unannounced, with no material. | ||
| He had no preparation. | ||
| He just winged it. | ||
| The entire thing. | ||
| And it's both brilliant and terrible at the same time. | ||
| It's a two CD thing because he was up there for fucking hours. | ||
| He did three nights. | ||
| He did fucking three nights. | ||
| And he was up there. | ||
| Well, that's Dice at Dangerfield's from the special. | ||
| That's when he did Rodney Dangerfield's special. | ||
| You know Kenny toured with him. | ||
| No, no. | ||
| He was on Rodney Dangerfield's HBO special. | ||
| That's how he broke. | ||
| And then he came back and did The Day the Laughter Died. | ||
| But I don't think there's any pictures of it. | ||
| 1990. Yeah, there's no video of that. | ||
| Club Soda Kenny was with him when he did those CDs. | ||
| I'm so jealous that he got to watch those tapings. | ||
| Well, Kenny was like his bodyguard or something, right? | ||
| Road manager, bodyguard. | ||
| When I first started touring with Dice, it was like 1997, and it was Kenny was the road manager and a bodyguard. | ||
| Is that Rodney and Fabio? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| What the fuck is that? | ||
| Is that Fabio? | ||
| Who's that? | ||
| That's Fabio. | ||
| That's Rodney's wife. | ||
| We're getting married, I guess. | ||
| Is that Rodney's wife? | ||
| Or no, is that Fabio getting married? | ||
| Someone's getting married. | ||
| Fabio can't get married with his shirt open like that. | ||
| That's a good point. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's outrageous. | |
| So that day the laughter died for comedians, there was a guy named Mike Donovan, who's a Boston comedy legend, a fucking hilarious, hilarious comedian. | ||
| And he is the one who told me about the day the laughter died, didn't he? | ||
| We were at the back of the Comedy Connection, and he was just laughing until he was crying, talking about Dice doing an impression of Nixon while he's eating ass. | ||
| I'll do Nixon in that ass! | ||
| I'm not a crook! | ||
| Give me that big fat fucking ass! | ||
| I mean he was doing a Nixon impression while he's eating ass and for whatever reason Mike Donovan thought it was the funniest thing he'd ever heard in his life. | ||
| He's just crying laughing. | ||
| It's like this is a brilliant, brilliant album. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It is. | |
| Rick Rubin produced those albums. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Or that album. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And it's an odd masterpiece. | ||
| It's beautiful that he did that because there is a flow to it, but it's the greatest watching a comic's mind just fucking randomly bounce from joke to joke to bomb to joke and just really exploring and grabbing for shit. | ||
| Yeah, and there's no material preparation. | ||
|
unidentified
|
None. | |
| You can tell. | ||
| You can tell he's just totally ad-libbing. | ||
| Yeah, that's the album cover. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| I remember getting it and listening to it and being so, look at that, cassette one. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And people who didn't know, there was also people who didn't like it. | ||
| No, I hated it. | ||
| They're like, this sucks, what is this? | ||
| But Chris Rock was at the cellar one night, and I forget how, and he goes, the best comedy album ever, or one of them, he said, I'll have to die by Angela. | ||
| Yeah, but that's also the best comedy album for him. | ||
| Because he's a comic. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| He thinks it's hilarious that this guy just went up there and just had no fucking, no preparation whatsoever. | ||
| I've laughed harder at Richard Pryor albums than I did at that. | ||
| They're better comedy records. | ||
| But as far as being a pure thing to show what comics do sometimes to work stuff out, he literally, like you said, top of his game. | ||
| He was fucking 1990 or 91. And he probably sold a million copies of that, too. | ||
| Yeah, to fucking 800,000 unhappy people. | ||
| LAUGHTER I mean, he even called it the day the laughter died. | ||
| He didn't give a fuck. | ||
| He would go up sometimes and literally like to see how long he could go without getting a laugh in clubs. | ||
| He would just fuck around and see how long he could go and not get a laugh. | ||
| My favorite dice is insult dice. | ||
| When you find someone in the audience and go, look at you. | ||
| Look at you. | ||
| Look at your fucking hair. | ||
| Just dig in on people and they wouldn't know whether to laugh or be upset and it would be like it was almost angry at them for being alive. | ||
| He described women's tits and he goes, look at those big fat fucking motherfucking fat fucking tits. | ||
| And it was really dirty, but I'm like, my God, that's emotionally the best description of tits. | ||
| If they're big ones. | ||
| That's how you feel though. | ||
| You can't get the words that will describe the lust of big breasts more than fat fucking motherfucking fat fucking. | ||
| There was something so guttural about that. | ||
| I'm like, that's the greatest description of tits anybody's ever given as far as emotionally for a guy. | ||
| Well, you know what Dice did, too, that nobody else had ever done before or since, is he created punchlines that everybody wanted to repeat. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Those rhymes. | ||
| Amazing. | ||
| People wanted to repeat, what's in the bowl, bitch? | ||
| Like, he would point the microphone to the audience, and they knew the punchline, and they would yell it out and cheer. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You remember in Day to Laugh to Die, they tried doing a poem. | ||
| He goes, no, stupid. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ha! | |
| I ain't doing the poems. | ||
| No poems. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, no poems. | ||
| Not even, hey, I'm not doing that. | ||
| Like Robin Williams did in the album called Reality With A Concept, which was the first dirty album I ever had, was Robin Williams' Reality With A Concept before or even prior. | ||
| And somebody yelled out, Mork. | ||
| And Robin goes, I'm not doing Mork. | ||
| I'm here to do something different. | ||
| He did it nicely and people clapped, but he didn't go, no. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Like, with Dice, they hated him that night, and they're just trying to connect. | ||
| Like, we'd love a poem, and he could've got them. | ||
| Fuck you. | ||
| He's not getting a poem. | ||
| They almost were being punked. | ||
| Like, they were there for a comedy show, and the most famous comic alive at the time came up and just ate dick for three hours. | ||
| He ate dick for three fucking hours for over a three-night period. | ||
| It's a nine-hour fucking ball munching. | ||
| But he also, you know, it's funny, Dice changed the language. | ||
| People are like, when did political correctness start? | ||
| If you look back to when it really kicked in, they were so disgusted and angry at Dice. | ||
| That was what kicked political correctness. | ||
| Plus, you know, the internet was really kicking in. | ||
| There's a lot of factors, but Dice is the one. | ||
| He was the straw that broke the calendar. | ||
| People are like, I can't fucking take it anymore. | ||
| We have to stop talking this way. | ||
| Well, he went on MTV. Remember? | ||
| He did a bunch of jokes that they didn't approve, and they banned him from MTV for life. | ||
| Meanwhile, today, that's a goddamn badge of honor. | ||
| Nobody wants to be on MTV now. | ||
| But back then, it was like, holy shit, they banned him from MTV? Kinnison criticized him for that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He went out, and Kurt Loder was on TV talking about how unfunny, terrible unfunny period jokes. | ||
| You know, it's like, but it was this air of like pompousness, like when he was talking about this, like this progressive, you know, Kurt Loder type character who was always like the guy who told you about the amazing cool new bands, was telling you that Dice is just terrible and unfunny and he'll never be on MTV again. | ||
| And I remember thinking that, like, whoa, they banned him from Saturday Night Live. | ||
| They banned him from MTV. He didn't give a fuck. | ||
| Well, Kenny, again, Kenny told me that the guy... | ||
| Andrew may have told me this, too. | ||
| But before he went out, he was thinking of doing it. | ||
| There might have been... | ||
| Who's the guy, Johnny... | ||
| The other Johnny he had with him, whose name I don't remember. | ||
| Fucking... | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| You know who I'm... | ||
| It's the Johnny that he traveled with for years. | ||
| Is there a possible... | ||
| Not Noodles... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Something Johnny. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| But he said to Dice, do you want to be a teardrop or a tidal wave? | ||
| Which I thought was such a great fucking piece of advice to give someone before he went out on live television with that dilemma. | ||
| Well now, I mean, now that it's all the dust has been settled. | ||
| Who? | ||
| West. | ||
| Johnny West. | ||
| What was his nickname though? | ||
| Hot Tub Johnny. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| I never met him. | ||
| Was he a comic? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| He was Dice's guy. | ||
| He wrote with Dice. | ||
| He toured with him. | ||
| I think he was the road manager at one point. | ||
| But I never met Hot Tub. | ||
| Kenny was there when I came in in 1997. But that was the name. | ||
| I'm fucking forgetting shit, man. | ||
| Well, just like Slick Rick, shit happens. | ||
| Yeah, it does. | ||
| Well, you have too many experiences. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, like you talk to someone who lives in a small town about a small town and the stuff that he does in that town, that motherfucker can remember everything. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You're right. | |
| But talk to a guy who travels the world and does stand-up and takes pills to stop getting AIDS. Boy, does he. | ||
| What a sigh of relief. | ||
| I was fucking, I'll tell you one of the most nervous I've ever been was when I took the, just to digress for a second, was to take the, I was so convinced I had HIV, and I fucking took this oral test that you can get from CVS. And there's a weird thing where you just, they said it's like a good up until the last three months. | ||
| It's like in the high 90% accurate. | ||
| Not 100%, but it's a good precursor to the fucking blood. | ||
| So I did it, and you rub it on your gums once each, and then you put it in this folding, almost like a trapper keeper, and you close it. | ||
| And they said what happens is there's a red line, and if there's two red lines, you're positive. | ||
| The one red line stays there, and they said do not watch the progress, because it'll freak you out. | ||
| Don't watch it. | ||
| Of course you watch it. | ||
| Only for a second, because I literally thought I saw the beginning of a second line, and I remember closing it, and I'm like, I have HIV. I was fucking convinced. | ||
| I remember where I went. | ||
| I went down to the fucking store, bought a couple of RX bars. | ||
| I'm like, I'm just going to have a nice fucking protein bar and go back in 20 minutes, whatever it was. | ||
| I had to photograph it. | ||
| I couldn't believe that I was negative. | ||
| But I came back and it was clear. | ||
| I was 100% convinced I had HIV. Wow. | ||
| Scary, man. | ||
| Well, anytime there's something like that where you don't know if you have it, and if you do have it, it's a death sentence. | ||
| It wasn't even that I thought I was dying, because now there's so many... | ||
|
unidentified
|
This is recently. | |
| This is probably three months ago. | ||
| There's so many medications you can take. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But it's the idea of having to tell a partner, and like, who's going to want to fuck you with that? | ||
| Like, that's just a rough one. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| I'm dating someone. | ||
| I'm going to tell her. | ||
| Well, how did Charlie Sheen get it? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| And if you notice, that was the question that Matt Lauer, I don't believe, asked. | ||
| I don't think they got into it. | ||
| So I don't know. | ||
| Yeah, so Matt Lauer and him talked because he was getting blackmailed. | ||
| Yes, he was. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And there's a shit ton of lawsuits because he had unprotected sex without telling a bunch of people that he had it. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| I mean, that's crazy. | ||
| Even if you're down to zero, then you've still got to tell them. | ||
| You have to tell someone. | ||
| Down to zero, T-cell count problems. | ||
| Where it's not visible, because they can knock it down to where it's undetectable, and I really do think you can't pass it then, because there are drugs that you won't be able to pass it, and PrEP, you won't be able to get it. | ||
| But I still think you're obligated to say it. | ||
| You're obligated to say it, and then you let that person make the decision. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| You can't make that decision for them. | ||
| Yeah, no, for sure. | ||
| But I mean, this is all cocaine party thinking. | ||
| I mean, everyone's just having terrible judgment. | ||
| Yeah, I imagine there was quite a bit of naughty behavior in the Sheen residence. | ||
| I mean, the guy was doing tremendous amounts of blow. | ||
| Like, they would talk about him doing blow that would kill a normal-sized person. | ||
| I heard somebody, too. | ||
| What I heard about the blackmail, and I really wish I knew who was blackmailed, but I don't, was that somebody got a picture of medication in his medicine cabinet. | ||
| I heard there was a video of him sucking a guy's dick. | ||
| I've heard that, too. | ||
| I've heard that, but I don't know if it's true. | ||
| I mean, you figure he probably didn't know that video was being taken. | ||
| You hope that was taken, you know, without him knowing. | ||
| Well, who knows? | ||
| Maybe when you're coked up, you're like, Dad, film it! | ||
| Let's do it! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Let's do it! | |
| I'm sucking dick! | ||
| You know, who knows? | ||
| When you have kids, that's rough. | ||
| I mean, otherwise, who cares if you suck the dick? | ||
| Who gives a fuck? | ||
| I mean, you're great in Platoon. | ||
| Give a shit. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| It gives a fuck. | ||
| Major League. | ||
| Believe me, a very unsung film. | ||
| And Wall Street. | ||
| It was good in it. | ||
| It was very good in Wall Street. | ||
| Him and Martin Sheen together? | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| I think that at a certain point in time when you're doing that kind of drugs, like you're doing crazy disassociative Piles of blow and you're fucking, you don't know where the fuck you are. | ||
| You're freaking out. | ||
| You're constantly paranoid. | ||
| They said his teeth were rotten out of his head. | ||
| It looked like a few pictures and his teeth did not look like they were in an amazing shape. | ||
| Sheen also doesn't know how he contracted the virus, but told Lauer it had nothing to do with needles. | ||
| Oh, well then he does have a good idea. | ||
| Well, how could he say it? | ||
| Well, it means he maybe had nothing. | ||
| He never did anything with needles. | ||
| Rumors about the actor's health recently emerged in the tabloid press. | ||
| So where's he at now? | ||
| He's kind of fucking radio dark. | ||
| No, no, he just did a film. | ||
| He did a film about 9-11, about people trapped in an elevator. | ||
| And they said, well, you know, he had some conspiracy theories they shouldn't have cast. | ||
| Who gives a fuck? | ||
| It's a movie. | ||
| None of these people are dead. | ||
| They're alive. | ||
| They just did a movie. | ||
| Well, do you remember he wrote an open letter to President Obama? | ||
| He's a big fan of Alex Jones, and a friend of Alex Jones. | ||
| Alex Jones called me up, hey man, Gary Busey wants to talk to you! | ||
| And he gave the phone to fucking Gary Busey, and Gary Busey talked to me, and he's like, I mean, Gary Busey's completely out of his fucking mind. | ||
| But Gary Busey has an excuse. | ||
| Gary Busey got in a motorcycle accident with no helmet and caved his head in, like, real bad. | ||
| That's why Gary Busey, when you look at him, one eye is up here. | ||
| He's got that Shannon Doherty thing going on. | ||
| One eye is down here, one eye is up there. | ||
| It's because his literal skull was destroyed in a motorcycle accident. | ||
| He hit a fucking curb with his head. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's right. | |
| Yeah, and see, in that picture, if his eyebrows are up, it makes it look like he's okay. | ||
| But I'm gonna guess the one on our right, his left, is the one that droops? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| That's what it looks like. | ||
| His left is Jack. | ||
| But we've had him in a couple times. | ||
| When he came back in, he remembered my name. | ||
| I thought, like, he's loopy, but he's not, like, out of it. | ||
| Hello, Jimmy. | ||
| Yeah, he knew. | ||
| I mean, he wasn't... | ||
| He's a little nutty, but he's always been a little nutty. | ||
| But he remembers lines. | ||
| He can act... | ||
| Yeah, see how his right eyebrow's up? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Right eye is up and the left one's down. | ||
| Yeah, he had a significant brain injury. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, there it is. | ||
| Oh, yeah, you're right. | ||
| Before that accident, he was a pretty normal guy. | ||
| He has that injury eye. | ||
| That's fucking, the way they call it, TBIs, a traumatic brain, that fucking wide-open look that you get. | ||
| When you see guys with both eyes like that, they're fucking cooked. | ||
| Well, there's a little bit of that, but I believe there's structural damage to his actual skull itself. | ||
| I think, I'm almost positive that he hit the curb without a helmet, is when L.A. didn't have helmet laws, and he wiped out And curbed his fucking brain and was lucky to be alive, if I remember correctly. | ||
| Yeah, I don't remember when that was, but... | ||
| Ooh, fuck motorcycles, man. | ||
| They scare me. | ||
| There's a website I go to, I watch a lot of terrible things that I shouldn't watch, but I've fucking seen these. | ||
| Motorcycle accidents, I'll always watch in car accidents, because that really does remind me to drive safe. | ||
| Like, you can't control everything, but when I see a guy burning to death in a car or fucking cut in half, I'm like... | ||
| Maybe it's not his fault. | ||
| Oh, yeah, he went under a tractor trailer. | ||
| He was texting and driving and that's what it looks like. | ||
| Don't fucking do it. | ||
| So I'm really really cautious when I drive. | ||
| By the way, we drove in your Porsche when we did the fight campaign, and I was like, wow, you're a responsible Porsche driver. | ||
| Like, you don't drive like an animal at all. | ||
| No. | ||
| You know, you're pretty much around the limit, maybe a little over, but you aren't a fucking maniac. | ||
| No, I don't drive fast. | ||
| I would never drive fast with a friend in the car either. | ||
| I'm not a dickhead driver. | ||
| I'll occasionally have dickhead moments, very rare when no one's around. | ||
| But I don't put anybody else in danger. | ||
| I don't believe in driving like that. | ||
| No, it was a delightful drive. | ||
| It was not frightening at all. | ||
| It was comfortable. | ||
| Did you get nervous when you got in the car? | ||
| No, I've driven with you before, but if I didn't know you, I might. | ||
| But just having a Porsche is just known as somebody who's going to move. | ||
| That car in particular, because it's so loud and so bouncy and But I figured you had a lot more to lose than I do, so I figured you'd be driving safe. | ||
| You don't want to drive with a guy who has nothing. | ||
| Like, how you doing? | ||
| Ah, I just lost my fucking house, and I got no gig, and then he's driving home. | ||
| And I got HIV. I got two red lines. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Let's do it! | |
| Get in the car! | ||
| Get in the car, Norton! | ||
| I just put a new engine in. | ||
| So yeah, you want to go with a guy who's got a little shit more to lose than you do. | ||
| But it was a safe, comfortable ride. | ||
| I like those cars because they're light, and they're responsive, and it's like riding a ride, like a Disneyland ride everywhere you go. | ||
| It doesn't, I don't like, I don't want, it's like people, how fast have you ever gotten it to? | ||
| I've never gotten it that fast. | ||
| I don't drive that fast. | ||
| I don't, I'm not, I like cornering. | ||
| Like I'm into cars that like grip and feel good when you're connected to the machine. | ||
| BMWs drive like that, don't they? | ||
| Sure, yeah. | ||
| I had one. | ||
| The wheel is kind of stiff, and they said that's because it's high performance. | ||
| It grips the road. | ||
| Well, they have a bunch of different settings you could put on a BMW, especially the M cars. | ||
| You can vary the stiffness of the steering because they're electronic power assist. | ||
| But if you want a car that looks like really responsive that's a BMW, they have an M2. It's a tiny little car. | ||
| It's like one of their least expensive M cars, but most enthusiasts think it's their best one. | ||
| I don't remember. | ||
| I've driven. | ||
| I had the X6. I drove like three in a row. | ||
| That's a great car. | ||
| I was leasing them. | ||
| They were really big cars, and I was like, I kind of wanted to... | ||
| I leased a Mercedes. | ||
| It was a lot cheaper. | ||
| I've never driven a Mercedes. | ||
| I'm like, fuck it. | ||
| Mercedes were cheaper? | ||
| This was a much cheaper. | ||
| Like, uh... | ||
| Much cheaper. | ||
| The BMWs are just too big. | ||
| I live in the city. | ||
| I have a car because I like to drive. | ||
| But for what? | ||
| You know what? | ||
| My addiction, I kept that because years ago, I would ride around and look at fucking hookers. | ||
| So you had a car for hookers? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| That was why. | ||
| I did. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| But I might even do that now. | ||
| I'm totally out of that. | ||
| The actual cruising? | ||
| No, the paying people. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I pay pal for dirty videos sometimes and movies of girls who are doing things. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| But just paying for sex, the sex trafficking shit just freaked me out too much. | ||
| Oh, that's awful. | ||
| It freaked me out too much. | ||
| You know, I'm all for consensual women. | ||
| I talked to a woman once who was... | ||
| I guess you could say she was an escort. | ||
| She had done porn. | ||
| And she stopped doing porn, and she said, the way she said it, she said she had clients. | ||
| And I was like, well, how does that work? | ||
| And she's like, well, off the record. | ||
| There's a bunch of guys that I've had sex with in the past, and I like them, and they pay me, and I'll go over there, and it's almost like people I really like, and I have sex with them. | ||
| And I say, like, how many times a week? | ||
| She goes, I only need to do it a few times a week, and I pay my bills. | ||
| You know, girls like that, after I stopped going on certain sites, girls like that who I knew, it was important to me, like, I knew their lives. | ||
| Like, I knew who they were, I knew their real names. | ||
| Excuse me, I knew their Facebook. | ||
| Like, you know what a person's life is. | ||
| And they're just choosing to do this on the side, because A, you have a chemistry with them and they like you, and B, some of them are just dirty. | ||
| I've met plenty of people that are just dirty and enjoy it. | ||
| Well, I didn't know her too well, and I didn't ask too many questions, but from what she was saying, It's essentially like, you know, she had done porn, she didn't want to do porn anymore, and she didn't want to be just a quote-unquote hooker, but she had a few guys that wanted to have sex and would be willing to pay her, and I guess they would pay her a couple thousand bucks, and she would just have sex with these guys a couple times a week, different guys, and she'd make four or five thousand dollars a week, and she wouldn't have to worry about shit, and she could do whatever she wanted to do for as long as her body holds up. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| When I talked to her, this was quite a long time ago, I think she was probably like 36 or 37 at the time. | ||
| So it's like, maybe she can't do that anymore. | ||
| Maybe now she's 46, 47, or 50, and maybe dudes are like, how much? | ||
| They try to find an older sugar daddy, I think, or a guy that they've seen. | ||
| That's where they start. | ||
| That's probably when they want to wife up, too. | ||
| Like when you're... | ||
| Yeah, but that's a hard thing for men. | ||
| Like, a lot of men do not want to shack up with a chick that had sex for money, you know? | ||
| I don't mind it. | ||
| Like, I don't want them doing it when I'm with them, but I like somebody with a past. | ||
| I really need it because my past is so fucked up, I much prefer yours is, too. | ||
| What the fuck is this, Jamie? | ||
| The Korean grandmothers who sell sex. | ||
| How do you pull these up so quick? | ||
| What do you have on tab? | ||
| Like, what's wrong with you? | ||
| I saw this story the other day. | ||
| I don't remember. | ||
| There's a video about the... | ||
| It's called Bacchus, ladies, I believe. | ||
| It's a drink called Bacchus. | ||
| So they walk around selling the Bacchus as an energy drink to... | ||
| They're like 40 and 50-year-old women, but now their elderly women are doing it, too. | ||
| And so you buy the drink, but you're buying sex is what you're going to buy. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| That's what it says. | ||
| I don't understand what that means. | ||
| It's a way around the loophole of prostitution. | ||
| Yeah, it's a loophole of prostitution. | ||
| Like, you buy this drink and I'll give you sex. | ||
| They're like street vendors with energy drinks, but when you buy it from them, you're really saying, hey, come with me somewhere, I guess. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Where is this happening? | ||
| South Korea? | ||
| Yeah, South Korea. | ||
| Whoa! | ||
| Pretty smart workaround. | ||
| So the guys buy the energy drink knowing that they're going to get some sex. | ||
| That's what that video described, yeah. | ||
| But that technically is, you know, yeah. | ||
| But I've known too many people, women I've known, who were pseudo-forced into it by a boyfriend. | ||
| And one girl I was talking to recently, she was like, yeah, my boyfriend made me kind of do it. | ||
| And she's like, I wanted to at one point, but then he hit me when I didn't want to. | ||
| And I'm just like, man... | ||
| There's too many people I don't know their story. | ||
| If I can guarantee that it's just consensual, I'm fine with it being legal. | ||
| I don't care. | ||
| But it freaked me out that there was too many people that I didn't know enough about. | ||
| Like, I never go to places. | ||
| I never went to those places because they felt too much like the Russian mob or the Asian whatever was controlling them. | ||
| But then even people I thought I knew, I'm like, I can't guarantee it. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And I can't. | ||
| Well, that's very ethical of you. | ||
| Like, you were thinking about them being forced into that life. | ||
| Over time, it just got to me. | ||
| Because I would talk to different people. | ||
| And at first, it was like, eh, the feminists, of course, they're going to say that. | ||
| But then there were certain people that said certain things. | ||
| You know, someone just says something, it's like, ugh. | ||
| Yeah, but see there's some feminists that think it's empowering for a woman to be able to choose what to do with her body. | ||
| Oh, they're right. | ||
| I know I know a woman who's a very smart woman and when she was younger she had done and she's an artist and she had done some sex work But it was just like she fucked some guys for money and like it for her was like easier than working Yeah, and I'm not saying I think it should be legalized. | ||
| I think that people should be able to do that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| I just personally As I was getting older, I'm like, this is not what I want to do anymore. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Well, good for you. | ||
| Well, it's also, you know, it's just anytime someone's being forced to do something and then there's potential shame attached to it. | ||
| Like, I don't think there's anything wrong with sex, and I know you don't either. | ||
| But when you attach the potential societal shame aspect of it, like your behavior, your choices could shame you. | ||
| It could be a real problem. | ||
| You know, like the same thing with sex, right? | ||
| Like people having sex, who care? | ||
| Everybody have sex. | ||
| We love sex. | ||
| Most people love sex, right? | ||
| But the idea of you being caught on film having sex is terrifying for a lot of people, which is really weird. | ||
| It's really weird. | ||
| Like, we know you love sex, but if we see you having sex, we'll shame you. | ||
| Yeah, it's a really way you're right because it's almost like that's why I hate when people Break into these hard drives in the cloud for these celebrities because it's a weird privacy thing Like even if you're not doing something you're not supposed to we've talked to your wife You talked to your girlfriend who wants people hearing that right like it's just embarrassing and it's private Look, I'm very open about most things sexually in my life But I still don't want people to read specific things I've said because it just feels like an invasion of privacy And it's also like you didn't write it for other people to hear. | ||
| And there's things you say to your friends, right, that if they took out of context, people would go, well, Jim Norton's a fucking asshole. | ||
| He's a piece of shit. | ||
| Like, even in jest, like this thing that I did with Ari, you know, where I sent him a text message and then I put it on Instagram. | ||
| I thought pretty obvious that it was in jest, but so many people thought it was real. | ||
| Like, the context of your friendship and people who don't understand, they don't know you, and then there's also the comedian factor. | ||
| Like, the way we talk to each other on a regular basis is so different than the way a lot of folks can, because if you're working in a fucking office job, 9 to 5 every day, you're controlled by human resources and the office standards of behavior. | ||
| You have to follow some sort of firing guidelines of what you can get terminated for. | ||
| Those people are on the edge and tiptoeing on fucking... | ||
| Broken glass every day. | ||
| It's a scary, you know, SiriusXM is a corporate environment. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I'm fucking, I'm a fucking dirty comic, and I'm more careful around the women there than half of the fucking newscasters you hear about getting shit. | ||
| It's like, if I know that as a fucking dirtbag, you don't fucking hit on the women at work. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well, not just that. | |
| Or if you do, you ask them gently, would you like to go ahead? | ||
| No? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| And fuck off. | ||
| Well, no, even worse, but these guys weren't just doing that. | ||
| They were sexually harassing them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Absolutely. | |
| It's crazy. | ||
| It's not that they were hitting on them. | ||
| I mean, office environments are just... | ||
| Whitney Cummings has a very funny joke about that. | ||
| I don't want to say it because it's one of her new bits about working in an office, but... | ||
| There's so much sexual tension when you're stuck in a room with people for eight hours a day. | ||
| And if two people are attracted to each other and they're working side by side on a daily basis, occasionally they test the waters and say fucked up things. | ||
| And in saying those fucked up things, women are allowed to do whatever they want, essentially. | ||
| It's really hard for her. | ||
| It's really hard for her to get fired, yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, a woman says something dirty, it's kind of funny. | ||
| But if a guy says something unwanted and dirty, it's really disgusting. | ||
| Because why? | ||
| Well, because men rape, and they're more dangerous, and they're scarier. | ||
| You know, they're physically more scary. | ||
| So a guy intruding on a woman's space and saying creepy, unwanted sexual shit has an air of danger to it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Whereas if a girl is saying some creepy, unwanted sexual shit to me, I can go, hey, stop. | ||
| You know, like, you can't... | ||
| Don't talk to me like that. | ||
| It's never a precursor to her making you do it. | ||
| Yeah, it's never she's gonna grab my head and force me to eat her pussy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Great thought, though, isn't it? | ||
| Being made to do it. | ||
| That's one of my greatest turns. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm so sad. | |
| Being made to. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Being made. | ||
| Stick your tongue out further. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Stick it out further! | |
| Okay, mommy. | ||
| Sniff it. | ||
| I'm gonna fart in your mouth. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No! | |
| Yeah, we've all been there. | ||
| You ever have someone do that? | ||
| I've had it. | ||
| It was alright. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, I had a girl in tribe. | |
| Did I tell you this? | ||
| She was trying to push a fart out and she shot Monostat 7 on my chest. | ||
| It was fucking horrible. | ||
| Monostat 7 is something a girl's put in their vagina, right? | ||
| Yeast infection. | ||
| Oh, Jesus Christ. | ||
| Not my best moment. | ||
| What did it smell like? | ||
| I don't believe it had a smell. | ||
| I don't remember it having a smell. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But she had to explain that it was Monistat 7. I knew exactly what it was. | |
| We both knew what it was, you know. | ||
| It was a bad scene. | ||
| But she was really fucking sexy. | ||
| Big fat ass. | ||
| She was trying to fart on you? | ||
| Yeah, I don't really care about that, but I was like, yeah, why not? | ||
| Fart in my face. | ||
| Whose idea was it? | ||
| Mine. | ||
| I think she said I have to. | ||
| She said you have to? | ||
| No, I think she said I have to fart. | ||
| Oh, she said I have to fart and you fart my mouth? | ||
| Yeah, we had always done that because I licked her ass and she has a big, great ass. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| We were kind of... | ||
| Did you ever get sick from that? | ||
| Nah. | ||
| Not that I know of. | ||
| Somebody must have. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| What a terrible way to feel. | ||
| Like, why didn't I just shower her up first? | ||
| I don't like to shower them up first. | ||
| I like a scent. | ||
| I literally like... | ||
| You like that? | ||
| It's deep. | ||
| I like them... | ||
| I'm telling you, if I'm dating you and I like you, I literally have thrown girlfriends' deodorants out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| I fucking... | ||
| Do you want them to stink a little? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| But I have to fucking... | ||
| It's the way you're saying it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes! | |
| But I have to like them. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| It has to be a... | ||
| It's a chemistry thing. | ||
| That's nature telling you who you should fuck and who you shouldn't fuck. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Because some people's scent repulses me. | ||
| The smell of their mouth or the smell of their skin repulses me. | ||
| Unhealthy people, probably. | ||
| Or even people that I'm just not meant to breed with. | ||
| But then there's some people, the underarm smell, the smell of their feet when they're stinky. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ew. | |
| It like... | ||
| Dude, it makes me... | ||
| Not dirty. | ||
| I don't like dirty feet. | ||
| Like, I don't want... | ||
| Just a little stinky. | ||
| In socks and sneakers. | ||
| Because it's clean. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| There's a whole fucking thing with it. | ||
| You're so orderly about it. | ||
| It's clean. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It is. | |
| You're looking at me, you're intense, your eyes line up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You're like, no, no, no. | ||
| Socks and sneakers because it's clean. | ||
| Because you do feel like a creep when you're talking to a girl. | ||
| And you say to her, like, I want your feet to be a certain way. | ||
| Yeah, I would say. | ||
| But you want to let her know, don't make them dirty. | ||
| Like, don't come over in flip-flops or... | ||
| I don't want you walking around on a floor without... | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Like, I'm a hygiene person. | ||
| You just want them a little sweaty. | ||
| Yeah, but I've been with girls and I've told them, like, don't shower for three days. | ||
| Oh, Jesus. | ||
| It makes me crazy. | ||
| And what do they say? | ||
| Great. | ||
| Really? | ||
| The good ones. | ||
| Great. | ||
| Honestly, they fucking love it. | ||
| But again, if I don't like you and if I'm not attracted to your scent, I have no desire for that. | ||
| So that's how I know I'm meant to be with somebody. | ||
| You know, Chris Ryan, Dr. Chris Ryan, a friend of mine, was telling me that women, when they're on birth control pills, their ability to smell whether or not a mate is sexually compatible with them gets hindered by the birth control pill. | ||
| It fucks it up. | ||
| But when they have women that are not on birth control pills, they can literally smell a man's clothes. | ||
| Find out whether or not they're sexually compatible with them. | ||
| Just whether or not they're attracted to them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Like there's a literally a specific scent and that scent they think is not just like whether or not you're sexually attracted to someone's smell, but whether or not you're biologically compatible with them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Do you remember back in the day when people would get married? | ||
| They would do blood tests to see if they could have kids. | ||
| Do you remember that? | ||
| I don't. | ||
| There was a thing that they used to talk about, like people would have tests to see, I don't even know if it was legitimately scientifically valid, but they would have tests, like a blood test, and I remember people talking about this when I was in high school, like that married people would go and have these blood tests to see if they could, not pregnancy, no, no, no, not pregnancy, but whether or not they were compatible, like as far as like raising healthy kids. | ||
| There was some weird, I mean it might have been some bullshit, Fake science that they tried to pass off back in the 70s and the 80s. | ||
| But I distinctly remember people talking, this is like before I was anywhere near, blood type incompatibility. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Blood types are categorized by A, B, and O. We're reading something here. | ||
| And given the RH factor of positive or negative, ABO and RH incompatibility happens when a mother's blood type conflicts with that of her newborn child. | ||
| It's possible for the mother's Red blood cells to cross into the placenta or fetus during pregnancy. | ||
| Yeah, but that's incompatibility between a mother and a child. | ||
| I think it's between a man and a woman and the way they have... | ||
| It's probably bullshit, but it was something that people used to do a lot. | ||
| I remember people talking about it. | ||
| I remember people talking about it when I had a very, very limited understanding of biology. | ||
| So I was probably in high school or maybe even before that. | ||
| But I was like, what? | ||
| Blood test? | ||
| They have to take a blood test? | ||
| I'm like, what if you love somebody and you want to get married to them and you find out that you take a blood test and it doesn't work out? | ||
| How does that work? | ||
| Maybe that's such a nature thing. | ||
| Maybe if it's not meant to be, it can still work. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Nature may work on this fucking base level where, yeah, it's still going to work, but that's letting you know it will work. | ||
| Do you know what I mean? | ||
| It may still work fine if your scent is off, but the clothes thing makes sense. | ||
| There was a girl I had come over. | ||
| She would come over and we would fuck around, and her underarms would smell, and it made me fucking bonkers, man. | ||
| I was so attracted to her scent. | ||
| She left a jacket in my house, the fucking armpits. | ||
| I smelled the armpits for six months. | ||
| You're so fucked up. | ||
| Dude, I fucking sniffed the armpits. | ||
| And I'm not a guy who's into toys or clothing, like as far as a woman. | ||
| I don't usually want their panties. | ||
| The girl I'm seeing now, I do, though. | ||
| I do. | ||
| I want her. | ||
| We're trying to figure out a way for her to FedEx overnight me her panties. | ||
| I've never asked a girl to do that in my life. | ||
| We should tell her to put them in a Ziploc so they don't dry out. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| That was number one. | ||
| I'm going to tell her to tape the Ziploc so it doesn't open up. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| But I mean, that's really ultra rare that I actually want that. | ||
| But this girl's jacket hung in my closet and I fucking smelled it. | ||
| It drove me crazy for months. | ||
| I'm having deja vu. | ||
| What do you say? | ||
| Today's parent says that you should be getting blood tests for genetic screening because they can find out if you're going to have potential blood diseases. | ||
| Oh, that type of stuff, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, but that's... | ||
| Today's parent, is that a website? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Is that a common practice? | ||
| I mean, it says... | ||
| This was like an article that says tests you need to be getting before pregnancy and there's like a pre-pregnancy checkup For the man and the woman, right? | ||
| Yeah, prenatal vaccinations and then sexually transmitted diseases you need to check for, too, and genetic screening, it says. | ||
| So they just do, like, probably overall blood tests. | ||
| Yeah, it's very interesting because you don't hear about that anymore. | ||
| It's not like, you know, you don't hear about that from doctors. | ||
| You don't hear about that when people are trying to get pregnant. | ||
| You don't hear about that from newlyweds. | ||
| You just don't hear about it. | ||
| The blood tests. | ||
| Yeah, like getting blood tests to make sure that your kids would be healthy. | ||
| Or I wonder now, though, if there's so much stress put on disease shit, like AIDS, that we still say get a blood test and get tested, and all this stuff is handled, but maybe we just don't talk about the other aspect of it because the big one is HIV or whatever. | ||
| Or hey, like, you know, you gotta check to see what diseases your family has. | ||
| Like, maybe we're still talking about it, but it's just not being phrased the same way. | ||
| Well, this is why I don't think it's true, because we went to a very good doctor, and, you know, I have kids. | ||
| I never took a fucking test. | ||
| Just shot loads in there and made kids. | ||
| There's a way to do it. | ||
| I mean, I just don't, I don't know. | ||
| I mean, maybe, I don't know. | ||
| I don't know about the science of all that stuff, and I just don't know why it was never discussed. | ||
| But I do remember being a kid where that was a big deal, like, that a parent, these two parents would get a blood test before they got married to make sure they could have kids, and I just never hear about that shit anymore. | ||
| Yeah, I don't even remember hearing about it back then, to be honest, but it does make sense. | ||
| Like, hey, let's just see if there's going to be, like, if there's an obvious problem that will show up through the blood test. | ||
| Well, how fucking weird is it that you could have a different kind of blood than me? | ||
| Like, your blood might be A, and mine might be O. Like, your blood is in my body. | ||
| I'm fucked. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, my body, it's not even compatible. | ||
| That's what's so strange. | ||
| It's like, we vary so much biologically that we have different kinds of blood. | ||
| Yeah, and one is not good in the other. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, there's some bloods that are universal. | ||
| I believe it's O positive as a universal blood donor. | ||
| Anyone can take it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's what I have. | ||
| I believe that my blood can go into other people's body. | ||
| And it's okay. | ||
| Find out if that's true. | ||
| I don't know what I am. | ||
| I probably should know. | ||
| Yeah, you should probably know. | ||
| I don't. | ||
| I know. | ||
| I'm busy. | ||
| I didn't ever check that. | ||
| I'm busy. | ||
| She's getting panties sent to me. | ||
| I know. | ||
| I know. | ||
| I'm not really big on the undergarments, though. | ||
| I mean, you know, a couple girls have had them. | ||
| I thought they were sexy. | ||
| What is it about women wearing those stockings with the straps that go up to the underwear that's so hot? | ||
| Because you're seeing something you're not supposed to be seeing. | ||
| Universal red cell donor has type O negative. | ||
| O negative. | ||
| I think I'm O positive. | ||
| Universal plasma donor has AB blood type. | ||
| In general, Rh negative blood is given to Rh negative patients and Rh positive blood or Rh negative blood may be given to Rh positive patients. | ||
| Universal red cell donor has type O. O negative blood type. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hmm. | |
| I need to figure out what I'm talking about. | ||
| Yeah, I don't know much about the blood stuff at all. | ||
| I mean for me, it's just a, you know, what drives me sexually. | ||
| Like I know what I, you know. | ||
| Well, it is weird how some people can be like really pretty, but you don't find them attractive at all. | ||
| And then other people are not nearly as pretty, but you think they're so sexy. | ||
| I've dated people who, well there's trigger words that we all like. | ||
| So a good trigger word Oof, that goes a long way. | ||
| Like, it's not the dirty porn words. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| You like that shit? | ||
| Oh, shut up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| See, for me, it's not a series of words or that kind of shit. | ||
| I'm not, I guess I'm not as dirty as you. | ||
| But for me, it's just a personality thing. | ||
| Oh, that means to me. | ||
| It's like someone who's comfortable. | ||
| Like, someone who's comfortable in their own skin and fun to be around and... | ||
| Passionate, you know, but also like affectionate. | ||
| Like affectionate to me is very sexy. | ||
| So you have different things. | ||
| We all have those things. | ||
| I actually, yours is better because to me that's a more normal thing to be and then it's just a healthier thing without needing bells and whistles and fucking juggling and you know. | ||
| Like if I see a woman with like perfect features and she's cold and she's not friendly and nice, I don't find her attractive at all. | ||
| Yeah, it does nothing for you. | ||
| But a woman who's way less classically attractive, but she's very affectionate and very kind and sweet and fun to be around, I find that very attractive. | ||
| That will vary for me from person to person. | ||
| I can go with kind and sweet, or I can go with certain words I like when they say it. | ||
| Some people just get it, and they know how to talk, and they know your fucking triggers, and it's just... | ||
| It's an ownership. | ||
| For you. | ||
| For me, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| You got weird kinks. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| It's, although not as crazy with this, again, the person now, not crazy, I just like her, or I love her, whatever the fuck it is. | ||
| Like, what is it, though, what do you, have you ever, like, tried to examine, like, what are kinks? | ||
| Like, where is it coming from? | ||
| Like, what, What is it about, like, trigger words and weird things and weird stuff that, like, gets you turned on? | ||
| And is it how you're interfacing with the world? | ||
| Is it how you're choosing to address all of your issues and that you can escape them with, like, really, like, crazy behavior? | ||
| And that, like, maybe you have all these anxieties and neurosis and that through this really bizarre, dirty talk and freaky behavior, you can escape those because It's so naughty. | ||
| It's so off the risk. | ||
| Because you're not a normal guy, right? | ||
| None of us are if we're working in show business. | ||
| If you're a stand-up comedian, right? | ||
| You're getting paid to talk crazy shit on stage, right? | ||
| You're not normal. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Your world isn't normal. | ||
| You wake up whenever the fuck you want unless you have to do a radio show, right? | ||
| So it's a different... | ||
| The whole world you live in is different. | ||
| And then you have all this kinky shit, and then you add addictions to dirty stuff. | ||
| And so, like, whatever it is about, like, a girl saying something like this, she's gonna go with me on this crazy dirt, she's gonna fart in my mouth, yeah! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's like, you're, like, escaping the troubles just for a brief moment with all this insane behavior. | ||
| It could be that. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Sometimes I wonder. | ||
| It's almost like if you eat too much ice cream, there's diabetes that will come with that. | ||
| That could be the diabetes. | ||
| Just too much excess. | ||
| And all of a sudden, instead of three to make this effect, it takes 11. You can't get the same effect from the same thing. | ||
| When I was growing up, I loved lesbian porn. | ||
| I fucking loved two girls. | ||
| Oh my god, it drove me nuts. | ||
| Now? | ||
| Are they related? | ||
| No, I'm not interested. | ||
| You know what killed it for me? | ||
| When I was on news radio, one of the guys who was a writer on news radio was a very nice guy. | ||
| But he was a nebbishy sort of fellow that had problems with women. | ||
| And he was a writer on news radio, and in his moonlight time, he used a pseudonym and wrote for porn. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| And so he took me to a porn set. | ||
| It was my first porn set ever. | ||
| And it was Jill Kelly and Janine. | ||
| I'm sure you know who those are. | ||
| Jill Kelly, I know the name. | ||
| Janine, I don't know. | ||
| Janine is the one that used to be married to the Jesse James character, the biker guy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| Oh, yes. | ||
| Beautiful woman. | ||
| And her thing was that she only did lesbian porn. | ||
| That was her thing. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So I'm on the set and it was just so Like, clinical. | ||
| Very. | ||
| Like, it was weird. | ||
| Like, they were doing this scene. | ||
| Yeah, that's her. | ||
| Yeah, she was on Blink-182's album cover. | ||
| Beautiful, beautiful woman, right? | ||
| So she's got this scene, this lesbian scene. | ||
| I think she was like a cartoon character that came back to life or some ridiculous shit, right? | ||
| Is that what she looks like now? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Oh, Jesus Christ. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow, that's her now, huh? | |
| Is that a... | ||
| Yeah, but is that like a mugshot? | ||
| That's a mugshot. | ||
| She went to jail. | ||
| I forget what she went to jail for, but yeah, not good. | ||
| Anyway, things go south, right? | ||
| That's what we were talking about earlier. | ||
| Some of these gals, they get a little older, and all the pressure of the forbidden behavior, just the societal pressure, and all the things that led them to be that way in the first place come crashing down on them. | ||
| But... | ||
| For this scene, the two of them were on a bed, and they were eating each other's pussies, and there was a sound guy with the fuzzy mic that's on a stick that was hovering over him, and then there was another guy that was over there doing something. | ||
| He was literally eating a sandwich while these girls were eating each other's pussies. | ||
| He was so disinterested. | ||
| And then there was a director, and then they were kind of aware that we were there watching, so she was sort of putting on this sort of self-conscious show And in between takes, they would go, okay, cut. | ||
| And she would keep eating her pussy, and she would say something like, I love my job. | ||
| I love my job. | ||
| But it was convincing herself that she loved her job, and it just super bummed me out. | ||
| Yeah, I've been on a bunch of those sets, and you're right. | ||
| But there's different energies depending on the set. | ||
| Like, I've been on... | ||
| I hosted the awards show, the AVM, with Jenna Jameson. | ||
| So I got to go on one of her sets and watch. | ||
| She actually was doing a lesbian scene. | ||
| Her husband at the time, Jay, I guess, was directing it. | ||
| And that was like a fucking set. | ||
| There was a wardrobe. | ||
| There was craft. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Like, that was a set. | ||
| It was a high-end... | ||
| Did you eat at the craft service, or were you like, yikes? | ||
| No, I thought I'd just... | ||
| Hot dogs and tacos. | ||
| No, I think... | ||
| I think I just watched her eat pussy. | ||
| I'm like, this is Jenna Jameson. | ||
| She is the biggest ever in this business. | ||
| You have to watch this happen. | ||
| And then we went on another one. | ||
| I saw another one another day where it was like a lower budget, average budget, where it was two guys and a girl. | ||
| And like the girl was in between the two guys. | ||
| And the director was going, come on, more! | ||
| Let me have a little bit more of that. | ||
| And they're amazing people that they can function sexually under those conditions. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Totally unsexy. | ||
| The sexiest one I saw was like a very low budget, like a guy, like one guy with a light and one guy holding a fucking camera and a couple. | ||
| And they were like a couple who was real amateur. | ||
| And so it felt more like sex. | ||
| And I don't think the guy could get hard for a little while. | ||
| He struggled a bit, but they were real people. | ||
| Right. | ||
| That was the hottest one because it felt the closest to real sex. | ||
| That makes sense. | ||
| That's like... | ||
| Yeah, that's actual sex. | ||
| A lot of people like those. | ||
| The sounds are too much. | ||
| The faking it. | ||
| Stop it. | ||
| Stop it. | ||
| I dated a couple of girls in porn, like minor, and one girl would blow me, and I could never come from her. | ||
|
unidentified
|
She had a good head, but it was like, you know... | |
| That's not good. | ||
| Hey, hey, hey. | ||
| Settle down. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Easy. | |
| Just a little fucking pecking up and down. | ||
| You know what freaks me out when they gag on purpose? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. | |
| There's nothing for me. | ||
| A little gag. | ||
| Who likes that? | ||
| There are guys that like that. | ||
| A guy named Brandon Irons. | ||
| He's a Canadian guy with a giant dick. | ||
| And he would always... | ||
| He's a big porn actor for a while. | ||
| I remember the fucking Joey Silvera. | ||
| You know Joey? | ||
| Yeah, I know who that guy is. | ||
| Joey's a good friend of mine, and I met him at the award show in January of 2004. But he's an older gentleman now, right? | ||
| Oh, he's kind of late 50s, early 60s, maybe. | ||
| Does he still do porn? | ||
| Oh, no, he shoots it. | ||
| He shoots a lot of trans porn. | ||
| Joey is a fucking naughty boy. | ||
| He's a great director because he loves it. | ||
| He really loves directing. | ||
| Because he likes what he's doing. | ||
| So the first time I did The Tonight Show was in September of 2004, I think. | ||
| And I watched it at Joey's house downstairs. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And I've seen so much porn shot in that house. | ||
| And Brandon Irons was upstairs with his girlfriend. | ||
| Anyway, Brandon Irons is a throat fucker. | ||
| Like, he's the guy... | ||
| Look up Brandon Iron someday. | ||
| He's a Canadian dude. | ||
| I think he's in Canada now. | ||
| He will fucking rip a throat apart. | ||
| And it's not my thing. | ||
| But I think I asked him, don't you ever get your dick bitten? | ||
| It just seemed like such a hard way to have sex. | ||
| And I don't like a girl to be uncomfortable. | ||
| Spanking or whatever, but I don't like to feel like I'm menacing somebody. | ||
| That's just not my energy. | ||
| Well, the other also problem is, like, if you get hard, if that's, like, exciting on film, like, is that exciting to you in regular life? | ||
| Or is this just, like, an act that you're putting on in film and, like, how do you, like, how sexually, how does it translate? | ||
| Or can you do both? | ||
| Right. | ||
| He might be a guy who just can get his dick hard anywhere. | ||
| Like, Nacho Vidal could literally fuck during a house fire. | ||
| He's just one of those guys that nothing matters to him. | ||
| You know, Rocco Sofredi, these guys, or Manuel Ferrara. | ||
| These guys, the men impress me more than the women just because they have to keep their dick hard. | ||
| And I don't know a lot of the newer guys. | ||
| I just don't really watch as much with big names. | ||
| But the fact that these guys can function under these conditions, whereas my dick... | ||
| Is very very susceptible to having an issue. | ||
| Well pre-viagra there were real superstars, right? | ||
| There were real guys who were just freaks and now there's like chemically enhanced superstars. | ||
| But even with viagra I've lost heart arms like I haven't taken Cialis in over a month I think maybe it's been three actually three or four months now I just stopped because my dick was horrible without it I'm like I can't even with it. | ||
| It was like my dick was kind of half-masked I'm like you're training your body wrong, right? | ||
| So I stopped taking you talk to someone to give you that advice What, to stop taking it? | ||
| No, I just knew. | ||
| I knew myself because I was taking it the wrong time and I wasn't even horny. | ||
| I'm like, if you need one, take it. | ||
| But I have it in so long. | ||
| So you were relying on it psychologically, too. | ||
| Oh, God, yeah, all the time. | ||
| If I thought there might be a chance that night, I'd pop one, a Cialis, go to the cellar and hope for the best. | ||
| I was a true optimist. | ||
| Sitting there with a boner. | ||
| Yeah, and it would make you feel great, but I didn't need it. | ||
| So I was taking it, but I didn't need it. | ||
| So I was like, eh. | ||
| What's a genius thing that nature's done to make it so that there's all these different factors that keep you from getting erect, right? | ||
| Nervousness, fear, anxiety, which makes sense, because you really shouldn't be concentrating. | ||
| For a human male, sex is so overwhelmingly interesting, right, that if you could get it up in the face of danger, it would probably be terrible for your survival mechanisms. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Do you read a book called The Midnight of Good and the Garden of Evil? | ||
| What was that? | ||
| Kevin Spacey was in the film. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Good and Evil in the Midnight Garden. | ||
| I'm fucking up. | ||
| I know what you're talking about. | ||
| Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil. | ||
| Yeah, I never read that book. | ||
| Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil. | ||
| I read the book. | ||
| But I remember the movie. | ||
| There was one thing in the book I remember. | ||
| 20 years ago, wow. | ||
| Something happened. | ||
| And the guy's fucking the girl, and like somebody came, like they were fucking outdoors, and there was a bad guy who was coming with a gun or something, and she said what she remembered is that they couldn't move, but she was like, I remember he stayed hard while he was inside me. | ||
| Like he kept his erection. | ||
| I don't even know if it's fiction or nonfiction. | ||
| Something tells me it was nonfiction, but I could just be hoping. | ||
| I've always envied guys like that, but I'm not like that. | ||
| It's a funny thing to envy. | ||
| Well, yeah, people who are healthy. | ||
| I envy people who are kind of healthy. | ||
| That's not necessarily totally healthy, right? | ||
| Because if you're really healthy, you'd be thinking about your own survival. | ||
| Someone's got a gun to you. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| Well, no, he was just in the area. | ||
| He wasn't. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But, yeah. | ||
| But, like, the way you are, or the way other guys are, who are just like, hey, man, I kind of like this girl, and we connected, and it feels right. | ||
| Like, those guys I envy. | ||
| Are you ever completely comfortable? | ||
| Like, have you ever, like, relaxed? | ||
| Were you, like, totally at peace? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Good question. | ||
| No. | ||
| And I've thought of that recently. | ||
| Like, I'm not comfortable around my own friends. | ||
| Like, I love my friends. | ||
| I'm comfortable around them. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But other times I'm really comfortable. | ||
| Sometimes on the radio, when we're going back, when there's no time to think, when there's like fucking six or seven comics in there and you're just being animals and everybody's moving and punching and shitting on each other, I'm very comfortable. | ||
| Because there's no time to reflect or think. | ||
| You're just kind of doing what you do comfortably. | ||
| But in that environment, I realized that after, like, wow, I felt just really alive. | ||
| Great. | ||
| In the moment. | ||
| In the moment is exactly it. | ||
| Flowing. | ||
| You're in a flow state. | ||
| Doing something and not thinking. | ||
| But when I'm thinking, I'm always worrying about this. | ||
| That's what just fucks me up in sex. | ||
| No, I'm not comfortable too often. | ||
| Have you ever tried to be? | ||
| Yeah, I don't know what to do. | ||
| Like, I think it's all shame-based, so I'm trying to, like, I figure if I talk about things, that helps. | ||
| But if it doesn't, like, if it hasn't helped to the point where you're never comfortable now, at 49, it's like, boy, this, whatever this pattern is that you've followed your whole life. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Might not be the way to do it. | ||
| I mean, I'm just guessing. | ||
| I think you're not right. | ||
| I'm not a psychologist. | ||
| No, but that's a good point. | ||
| I mean, it's like, I don't know why I'm never comfortable. | ||
| I'm not sure. | ||
| But I'm not. | ||
| But that's why I'm asking you about yoga, and that's why I wanted to ask you about meditation, too. | ||
| Just to wonder, like, maybe you can train your mind to relax when it comes to certain things, or train your mind to not entertain so many neurotic thoughts, or train your mind to concentrate on positive things and eventually build that up. | ||
| The same way you build up endurance, like we were talking about those guys doing that exercise where we're circling a person through. | ||
| You burn yourself out, unless you did it all the time. | ||
| Or like my friend Cam who runs a marathon a day. | ||
| He's used to it. | ||
| He does it all the time. | ||
| Maybe you can do that also with your point of view. | ||
| Maybe you can do that also with your mindfulness, with just thinking about the world itself around you. | ||
| That you could maybe not entertain those same thoughts, these neurotic thoughts, Maybe it's akin to an endurance racer giving in to the idea of, oh, discomfort, and why don't I just quit now? | ||
| Maybe this is the same sort of thing. | ||
| Maybe these are mental patterns that you can stray away from, keep your mind on a positive track, and come up with some sort of really good ways of thinking about things. | ||
| Because you're obviously a very smart guy, and you're obviously a very sensitive guy. | ||
| You think a lot. | ||
| You know, but if you let that thinking and that sensitivity sort of run amok without any control, without any discipline, that seems to be the issue. | ||
| And I've had those issues myself in the past, which is one of the reasons why I bring it up. | ||
| I mean, I'm way healthier now at this point in my life than I've ever been before because I've really worked at it and worked at... | ||
| Being at peace and being calm and and then also I've worked at all the extraneous sort of influences that fuck with that and sort of eliminate them and then use exercise sort of as a drug in a lot of ways like there's a one of the reasons why I exercise so much is because if I don't it's not like a looks thing it's a mind thing like if I don't strain myself if I don't if I don't do something really difficult all the time you do it every day I | ||
| do something five days a week. | ||
| I don't do it every day. | ||
| I have days where I take off, but if I take more than one day off, my body starts going, what are we doing? | ||
| What are we doing? | ||
| It's almost like you have a dog that you don't walk. | ||
| You ever have a dog? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| No, no, but I mean, I know it. | ||
| This is one of the reasons why I thought about it way back in the day, because My dog would be so much calmer if I went and played with him for a few hours. | ||
| If I took him for a walk and threw the ball and he ran around, he'd be chill. | ||
| But if I didn't, he'd be like, come on, what's going on? | ||
| It's like, do I have a neurotic dog? | ||
| No, I have a dog that doesn't get any exercise. | ||
| He has physical requirements for him to be content. | ||
| And I think people have physical requirements for them to be content too. | ||
| But I think unlike people, or unlike dogs rather, people can go on these sort of downward mental spirals of self-hate, of self-analysis, of neurosis. | ||
| Neurotic thinking of you can get yourself in these really bad patterns of like shitting on yourself or looking at yourself in a negative way You know and I think you tend to gravitate towards these negative things sometimes and then you you realize it and then you bounce back But it's like, what is causing you to gravitate towards them? | ||
| And why can you never achieve just a few moments, like an hour or two, where you just chill? | ||
| You could just sit at home and just read a book and have a cup of tea. | ||
| Do you ever feel like that, where you're just comfortable and relaxed? | ||
| You can watch a movie on Netflix and chill out? | ||
| It's always restless. | ||
| You know, you talk about the mental patterns. | ||
| And changing the physical stuff is what I got to do first. | ||
| They're bringing the body and the mind will follow. | ||
| So I have to stop doing certain things. | ||
| And this thing of not cheating on this girl is a... | ||
| Because I've not cheated on girls before when they were here. | ||
| But she's not here yet, and we're still in a relationship. | ||
| And for me to not, it's miraculous that I'm not. | ||
| And we had a fight recently, and I almost did. | ||
| I started fucking tech, and I'm like, no. | ||
| You can't. | ||
| This is what you do. | ||
| You sabotage things, and that's why you're so... | ||
| And I've been going kind of up and down lately, but it's like whenever you're not doing something, it takes a while for you to adjust and go like, alright. | ||
| When you feel something, now you've got to feel it. | ||
| You can't feel it and then run and go on Eros. | ||
| Did you ever go to a therapist? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Many, many. | ||
| There was one I went to. | ||
| She was very nice. | ||
| But once I started getting familiar with them, you know, there was one time, I forget why, I was really fucking suicidal. | ||
| And I called her. | ||
| I don't like calling a therapist, but it was a bad day. | ||
| And I was talking to her. | ||
| Do you remember what triggered it? | ||
| No, it's usually the same stuff around feeling like a failure, just the same shit that everybody has, the same feeling like, oh, I'm worthless. | ||
| So I talked to her, and she was being nice, but she was not being helpful. | ||
| And I didn't want her to rescue me, but I wanted her just simply to give some kind of an answer or trigger me to ask myself a question. | ||
| That's what therapists do. | ||
| They trigger you to go, why am I doing this? | ||
| It's my fucking... | ||
| That's what their job is. | ||
| And so was she just not very good at it? | ||
| No, she was like, yeah, no, I know. | ||
| Just kind of empathizing a little, but I don't need you to fucking empathize with me. | ||
| I just need you to give me a suggestion, a light nudge. | ||
| Say something. | ||
| Something. | ||
| Don't just be, okay, this is where we're at. | ||
| Alright, no, I'll see you next week. | ||
| You really might not. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| I didn't say that to her, because I'm not a fucking emo girl, but I just was like, alright, whatever. | ||
| But I can't be in a therapy with her anymore. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Well, I think therapists are probably a lot like comics, right? | ||
| There's really good ones and there's really bad ones. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| Ones that some people think are really good and you might think suck. | ||
| I haven't gotten in years. | ||
| I mean, a few years. | ||
| But I feel better now than I have in a long, long time. | ||
| I'm happy now. | ||
| I'm fucked up lately because I'm kind of going through this huge change. | ||
| But other than that, I feel better than I have in a long time. | ||
| Like, life is good. | ||
| That's good. | ||
| I love the radio show I'm doing. | ||
| I have fun with Sam. | ||
| I really do. | ||
| I enjoy working with Sam. | ||
| He's a fucking goofball, and I have fun. | ||
| I love doing the thing with Matt. | ||
| I have fun doing that stupid fucking... | ||
| Chip is the biggest thing in my life, and I love doing it. | ||
| That character, Chip Chipperson? | ||
| Why is it the biggest thing? | ||
| People love it. | ||
| Like the podcast, they're going to hate this week because we did it in LA and the women didn't know who Chip was and it was a very ugly experience. | ||
| Who were the women? | ||
| They were just from this, Maria Menounos' boyfriend, Kevin Undergaro, he runs this place, they do all these after shows. | ||
| He's a huge Chip fan. | ||
| So he's like, hey, while you're out here, you can use my studio because I have a podcast. | ||
| It's a different hair every week. | ||
| I can't look at it. | ||
| It's humiliating. | ||
| I love the face you make when you do them. | ||
| So you put a different wig on every week? | ||
| Every week, yeah, the glasses. | ||
| Those are glasses that Colin Quinn gave me to fucking wear. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But it's so awful. | |
| But the last one we released is a live one, and it's the people. | ||
| It was like an hour and 20 minutes long. | ||
| We did it at the Village Underground, and it sold out faster than anything I've sold in years. | ||
| Humiliation. | ||
| What such a fucking ridiculous character. | ||
| You know what it is? | ||
| And it was a fun show. | ||
| I had Colin, Anthony, fucking Sam was on. | ||
| Who else did I have? | ||
| Fucking Bobby Kelly. | ||
| And it was just so silly. | ||
| I think it's almost like everybody's greatest fear is to be that unaware. | ||
| Like, that's a weird thing. | ||
| Why do people like this? | ||
| Because the jokes stink. | ||
| They're fucking terrible jokes. | ||
| And they're said with conviction. | ||
| But Chip always has people around him who know him. | ||
| Doing it this week in LA, it was me and Sam. | ||
| And X-Pac was on, who's a fun guy. | ||
| But he knows me as the wrestler who fucked China in the porn. | ||
| He was an ex-wrestler. | ||
| He was a great guy. | ||
| I mean, he's more than a guy who fucked China, but that's usually the reference people who don't know him will know. | ||
| But he knows Jim, so he's like, hey, Chip! | ||
| He's trying to go with it, but he doesn't know what to do. | ||
| And these fucking four girls that have no idea, because Kevin wanted it to be a train wreck, so he fucking... | ||
| Fucking Kevin Undergarle. | ||
| He wanted it to be a train wreck, so he had these girls. | ||
| He didn't tell them who it was. | ||
| He'd go, yeah, Jim Norton's going to be there. | ||
| It's a huge podcast from New York. | ||
| So I fucking do it, and they're trying to go with it, and Chip's just an abrasive cunt. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That sounds great. | |
| They didn't know what to do. | ||
| It's the only time I've ever been humiliated doing Chip. | ||
| I was embarrassed and uncomfortable, and I also, like, this is what it's supposed to be. | ||
| This guy stinks, and he's supposed to be disliked. | ||
| Because people who are in on the joke love the joke, you know, and they get that the jokes are awful. | ||
| So the fun part with people who love it is to at times give one, like my ex-girlfriend really knew Chip, and there was times I would do it when it was so bad and she would go, oh, even for you, that's fucking terrible. | ||
| Like she loved it. | ||
| Don't you think that the people that love Chip will actually love this episode then? | ||
| Because is Chip interacting with people who have no idea who he is? | ||
| If they really love Chip, if they understand who Chip Chipperson really is, they're going to go fucking bananas. | ||
| I can't even watch it. | ||
| Dude, I can't watch it. | ||
| I was embarrassed doing it. | ||
| I asked, because Sam co-hosted with me. | ||
| I'm like, dude, is it that? | ||
| And he goes, it was really uncomfortable. | ||
| Now I'm compelled. | ||
| I want to get it. | ||
| There are people who really didn't... | ||
| Did you videotape it too? | ||
| We videotape everyone. | ||
| Audio and video. | ||
| And it's on YouTube for free. | ||
| Is it on iTunes as well? | ||
| All for free, yeah. | ||
| I make a little money from the ads, and I said, I want to charge for the video. | ||
| I want to do something with it someday. | ||
| I don't know where it will go. | ||
| We've only been doing it in a few months. | ||
| I've had 25 episodes. | ||
| We do one a week. | ||
| He does live reads. | ||
| Look at this! | ||
| Give me some volume. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ha ha ha! | |
| Fucking slammed ya. | ||
| Go ahead. | ||
| Fucking hit him, Carl. | ||
| Watch this. | ||
| What's the pants you're wearing? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Watch this. | |
| Go. | ||
| Those pants are awesome. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fucking bury him. | |
| Oh, now. | ||
| Bob, you look like a Honolulu hipster. | ||
| Yeah, what's that say? | ||
| Fucking Honolulu hipster. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fucking upstate New York, you piece of garbage. | |
| Honolulu's in Hawaii, you fuck. | ||
| I know, stupid. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's just nonsense. | |
| You came up with this character when you were on ONA. What made you do this? | ||
| Girlfriends hated it. | ||
| I think we talked about this. | ||
| Girlfriends drove me. | ||
| They hated it so much because it was humiliating. | ||
| It got a reaction out of them and I just kept doing it. | ||
| It was so much fun. | ||
| And a lot of times, Anthony at first hated it, but then Anthony started to love it. | ||
| But then Opie never loved it. | ||
| And it was always kind of fun to do because I knew deep down, Uncle Paul, he hates. | ||
| So I would always do Uncle Paul just to fucking make him sick. | ||
| Because he couldn't get with Uncle Paul. | ||
| Anthony, of course, could. | ||
| Are you more comfortable now doing it without him? | ||
| The radio show? | ||
| Much. | ||
| Much. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| We stopped liking each other. | ||
| I mean, the reality is, you know, I don't really mean that. | ||
| I don't wish the guy was bad in his real life. | ||
| Like, I don't want bad shit to happen to him. | ||
| But we simply stopped liking each other. | ||
| But he was enjoying his afternoon show much more without me than he was with me. | ||
| I got the morning spot for whatever, you know... | ||
| I think the company just annoyed at him or whatever. | ||
| They liked that me and Sam were hungry. | ||
| But his afternoon show was good. | ||
| I mean, you know, him and Sherrod and those guys, they were having fun. | ||
| So people didn't like it, they didn't like it, but he sounded like he was having fun. | ||
| What got him fired? | ||
| Like, what happened? | ||
| What the technical reason was, was he had filmed Roland Campos, our booker, taking a shit. | ||
| Now, I know Opie well. | ||
| He filmed me doing it in 2009. But he was being a goofball. | ||
| I don't think he was trying to be degrading. | ||
| Just being an ass. | ||
| And then showing it to, I think, a couple of the comics. | ||
| And I guess, I don't know exactly... | ||
| I heard about it after the ball had already been rolling. | ||
| So somehow, Roland got nervous that he was going to release it. | ||
| And maybe Opie was teased. | ||
| I don't know what Opie said to him. | ||
| I really don't. | ||
| But I think that it got back to one of Roland's bosses. | ||
| And then the head of the talent department spoke to him. | ||
| And then once Human Resources got involved, then things change. | ||
| And I remember there was a clip... | ||
| It was getting bad, and there was another producer in the studio named Paul, and he was videotaping it, and I think he had been on Roland's side, and he thought Opie was being a dick to him. | ||
| He's like, you're being a dick to me, and Opie's like, yeah, because you chose Roland in this whole thing, like making it a public thing that was really uncomfortable, and then Paul goes, yeah, well, I thought it was wrong, and then Sherrod goes like, ah, he was having fun. | ||
| We all saw the tape. | ||
| He was enjoying it. | ||
| He was laughing, and when I heard that, I'm like, oh no. | ||
| He just said we all saw the tape. | ||
| Saw the tape. | ||
| That just made it... | ||
| And again, maybe they were going to fire him anyway. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| They don't tell me that shit. | ||
| But he thinks that the company was out to get him. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| And again, I don't know what they said to him privately. | ||
| But to me, he had two months left on his deal, and no company wants to fire you two months out because of the potential... | ||
| Lawsuits. | ||
| Lawsuits. | ||
| They would much rather let you ride it out and then just not re-sign you. | ||
| Well, Sirius is in a weird place because of podcasts. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| I mean, it's just in a very weird place. | ||
| The idea of paying money for these talk shows that are going to get interrupted by commercials and to have to listen to them only when they come on and not have them on demand, it's such an inferior distribution method. | ||
| Well, they are on demand. | ||
| Now they're on demand. | ||
| On your phone? | ||
| An hour after it's up, you can get it. | ||
| An hour after it's up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| But live. | ||
| You can listen live on the phone and get it on... | ||
| What I'm saying is on your radio. | ||
| If you're in your car and you can't just pick, I want to listen to Tuesday's Opie and Anthony show or Jim Norton and Sam show. | ||
| I can't just pick that. | ||
| I don't know if you can, unless you have a phone hooked. | ||
| There might be a way to do it. | ||
| There might be a phone hooked up. | ||
| I think so, yeah. | ||
| Right, but I don't think you could do that. | ||
| Like, Sirius Radio is only playing what's playing right now. | ||
| I think so, but I could be wrong. | ||
| You might be right. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I mean, I don't have a thing where I could just pick an episode. | ||
| How is a podcast played in a car? | ||
| You just get... | ||
| There's a bunch of different ways. | ||
| One you can do it where you could stream it live through YouTube Some people do that and you just play the audio and if you have it set up you can play the video Some people do it where you you're on stitcher stitcher is a low bitrate version Meaning it's the audio quality is not as good because it's compressed, but it's way quicker to download So if you have some sort of a plan where you want to get less data per month a lot of people use stitcher Or they just get it off of iTunes. | ||
| But the thing about it is that if you have your phone Bluetooth up, literally all you have to do is press play, and it'll immediately play whatever episode. | ||
| You can scroll through our stuff. | ||
| It works with Siri now, too, on the new operating system. | ||
| I think they just asked for it. | ||
| Yeah, you could play it for Siri. | ||
| But if you go through... | ||
| Have you ever done... | ||
| Do you use it? | ||
| Do you use iTunes? | ||
| Or the podcast app? | ||
| I never look at podcast standings. | ||
| These are all my most... | ||
| The recent ones of all the ones that I subscribe to. | ||
| I can just take one, click it, and boom. | ||
| Now it's playing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, that's just... | ||
| It's done differently on Sirius, yeah. | ||
| The app you have to use... | ||
| The on-demand is pretty good, but I think an hour after it airs, you can get it forever. | ||
| That's good. | ||
| I don't re-listen to the show. | ||
| I mean, I never listen to our show. | ||
| I listen to it on drives, and I'm like, wow, I kind of like it. | ||
| It's new. | ||
| We finally got Anthony back in the building. | ||
| He's allowed to come on as a guest? | ||
| In the building. | ||
| I fought for three years for that, and literally right after he got fired, they let Anthony back in. | ||
| After Opie got fired. | ||
| Yeah, and I'm not saying Opie kept him out. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| To be really honest, I don't know. | ||
| I don't think that he actively kept him out, no. | ||
| Do they know the real numbers? | ||
| Like, do they ever tell you how many people are actually listening? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Never. | |
| Never. | ||
| I don't know if they know. | ||
| I mean, I don't know how they would track that. | ||
| They may. | ||
| But they don't. | ||
| And a part of me is like, I really want to know because it will give us negotiating power. | ||
| And a part of me is like, I really don't want to know. | ||
| But the fact that we're getting raised is I think we're doing okay. | ||
| Like, that's the only way I can tell is that I know that they want to keep me every time the contract says, okay, we must be doing okay. | ||
| But no, I don't know what the numbers are. | ||
| It's just, it's amazing how quickly it became a different thing. | ||
| You know, like, I remember when Howard went to Sirius, it was like, wow, hallelujah, finally we're gonna get uncensored radio. | ||
| And then it became, well, it's still just radio. | ||
| It's still just radio. | ||
| It's still live, and now you have to pay for it? | ||
| Now it's ten bucks a month? | ||
| I mean, he made out, like, abandoned. | ||
| I mean, he made ridiculous sums of money from it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sure. | |
| But where's the future in that? | ||
| It just seems like that's a... | ||
| It's like almost like investing and I mean if you're if you're someone who's got a piece of that It's like where's that going? | ||
| Like how are you gonna keep you can't even use it in a tunnel? | ||
| You know the thing was serious and this is this is like a scary for job security But they're really Scott is good at getting big-name talent like a Beatles channel and all this stuff there And they're good at getting good good name big-name people doing shows like Ferguson's on their channel. | ||
| Yeah, I know faction We're those are on faction now Faction Talk. | ||
| Yeah, I hate the name because it doesn't say comedy, but whatever, it is what it is. | ||
| It's us, and then Camino and Rich, and then Ellis, and then Craig, and then Nick DiPaolo, who has a very funny show. | ||
| He's hilarious. | ||
| Nick is a fucking savagely funny guy. | ||
| I love that guy. | ||
| I do too. | ||
| He's just a fucking raw... | ||
| Fucking bark out a joke funny guy. | ||
| Here's the thing about Nick. | ||
| He's never afraid to try to be funny. | ||
| I've done a lot of projects with him. | ||
| We did Tough Crowd for two years. | ||
| I've just done a shitload of stuff. | ||
| Like Nick will fucking fire lines out. | ||
| And I've always admired him for that because sometimes they work, sometimes they don't. | ||
| But he's unafraid. | ||
| He's a funny fucking dude and he's unafraid to bark stuff out and be who he is. | ||
| I love that. | ||
| And he does a great show. | ||
| He's a really surprisingly good radio guy with going to breaks and all that stuff. | ||
| Well, he did it for a long time with Artie, remember? | ||
| That's right. | ||
| Yes, I was on that show. | ||
| I remember watching the one blowout that they had, where Nick was trying to do some read that they had to do, and Artie just wanted to kind of fuck off. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You can't let it get to you like that. | ||
| We've had the blowouts. | ||
| I've been through them. | ||
| I've seen them. | ||
| Me and Ant never had one. | ||
| I love Ant. | ||
| I just wrote the foreword to his book. | ||
| I don't know if I'm supposed to say that, but too bad I'm proud of it. | ||
| I fucking love him. | ||
| And he's doing a show with Artie now, right? | ||
| The AA show. | ||
| The fucking greatest name. | ||
| They had a great billboard for it, and it's really funny, man. | ||
| It's really funny. | ||
| Do you have to subscribe to listen to that? | ||
| You do, to the compound, yeah. | ||
| How much does that cost? | ||
| I honestly don't know. | ||
| I do pay for it, though. | ||
| He offered me a free one, but I'm like, I'll chime in. | ||
| I mean, I'll fucking chip in. | ||
| And it's doing well for him, that whole compound meeting? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, he hasn't skipped a beat. | ||
| His life is fucking doing great. | ||
| Yeah, isn't that a great thing? | ||
| Both are mug shots. | ||
| They're real, legit mug shots. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That's hilarious. | ||
| They did it, yeah. | ||
| Compound Media. | ||
| I like how he called it Compound Media, too, because, oh, look at the AA show. | ||
| Great poster. | ||
| Coming September 5th. | ||
| Now, can you get that on your phone? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| You can get it on an app? | ||
| Yep, I have the Anthony Comey app. | ||
| You can listen to it in the car? | ||
| You can listen to it in the car. | ||
| But yeah, I love him, too. | ||
| He's one of my favorite people ever. | ||
| He's literally somebody who I don't think I'll ever not be close to. | ||
| There's no one creating... | ||
| Like, I love Sam. | ||
| I love all these guys I've worked with. | ||
| But Anthony, there was a weird... | ||
| It's a comic thing that happens when you're going back and forth with somebody that's an energy you're exchanging. | ||
| There are Jim Norton laugh compilations. | ||
| I never listen to my own shit. | ||
| I don't listen to the old show. | ||
| I can't listen to it. | ||
| But those I can listen to because they're all Anthony just making me laugh. | ||
| It's not me saying funny shit. | ||
| It's Anthony saying funny shit. | ||
| That every time fucking gets me. | ||
| He would literally make me laugh like that wheeze laugh that an audience member gets. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm like, I never get to fucking feel that way. | |
| What's crazy is he's not a stand-up. | ||
| He's not a stand-up. | ||
| He's done it a little bit, but in that room... | ||
| Did he? | ||
| Yeah, he tried it a couple... | ||
| In Montreal a couple years ago. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No shit. | |
| Just to do it. | ||
| After he'd been fired? | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| No, no. | ||
| This is when Opie and Anthony were supposed to do a show together to host a comedy show in Montreal. | ||
| I was part of the show. | ||
| But Opie went home for some reason. | ||
| He flew home a day early. | ||
| He didn't want to do it. | ||
| So Ant just did it by himself and hosted the show and started shitting on the comedians. | ||
| And he was really funny. | ||
| First time ever on stage, he was fucking funny. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| But in a comic room, Patrice said that about him. | ||
| He said, Anthony can access funny faster than any person I've ever seen. | ||
| And Patrice didn't hand out, he was not known as the big, oh boy, that guy doling out compliments again. | ||
| That was not Patrice's reputation. | ||
| But Anthony has that ability to reach in and grab funny from anywhere. | ||
| And he's as fast as any comic we've ever had on. | ||
| There's never been a comedian in there who was faster than him. | ||
| They've been as fast as him. | ||
| Guys like Patrice or Burr or Genius. | ||
| But there's no one who's ever been able to go in there and run circles around Anthony. | ||
| It's staggering how fucking funny that guy is. | ||
| Yeah, it is weird. | ||
| It's like he's a comic who never became a comic. | ||
| That's how I've always felt about being around him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And even Dice said that about him. | ||
| When Dice was shitting on Opie and Anthony when they had a feud together, he was saying that Anthony's actually talented. | ||
| He's actually almost like a comic, but he never did it. | ||
| He never did it. | ||
| And Anthony has an ability. | ||
| Brewer's an amazing storyteller, too. | ||
| An amazing storyteller. | ||
| Whereas Ant could do that. | ||
| He would talk about being a tin knocker and stuff I have no knowledge of or interest in. | ||
| And he would have me on the edge of my seat listening to him talk about it. | ||
| He just has a gift for explaining things and for walking you through it. | ||
| Louis has that. | ||
| The ability to explain in an amazingly interesting fashion. | ||
| And Anthony can just jump in and out of voices and do impressions. | ||
| I mean, I never get sick of rambling about him because I got to work with him for a fucking decade. | ||
| I got to work with the funniest guy in the fucking world for a decade. | ||
| Like, as much as it sucks that it's over, like, I'm grateful I had that. | ||
| Would you want to do it again? | ||
|
unidentified
|
100%. | |
| I mean, have you thought about doing that? | ||
| I would love to do it with him and Sam. | ||
| I mean, me and Opie don't get along anymore, but I would love to have Anthony with me and Sam. | ||
| But again, he's got his own show. | ||
| It's not going to happen. | ||
| But I love... | ||
| Sam and I have a very good chemistry and a comfort level. | ||
| I like him and I trust him on the air. | ||
| And with Opie, it just got bad. | ||
| I'm not blaming him. | ||
| It's like, hey, I was half the problem, too. | ||
| But what about you doing a show with Anthony? | ||
| Like a compound media show? | ||
| You know, compound media is, again, a more enclosed environment than Sirius is. | ||
| And because of gigs and other things I've got to promote, I want it to stay. | ||
| And also Sirius pays more. | ||
| And I didn't want to negotiate against Anthony. | ||
| I wasn't going to use him as a negotiation tactic. | ||
| I didn't want to do it. | ||
| I couldn't do it. | ||
| I'm too close to him. | ||
| And I always kind of secretly wanted him to come back. | ||
| And when he came back, the first day he came back, I mean, seeing that fucking... | ||
| We went to a Springsteen... | ||
| No, who played? | ||
| Oh, Guns N' Roses played at the fucking... | ||
| The Apollo. | ||
| So this was like right after Opie got fired. | ||
| So I saw Scott Greenstein that night, or Andrew, and they're like, yeah, he can come in. | ||
| Anthony can come in. | ||
| I'm like, really? | ||
| They're like, yeah, he can come in. | ||
| I'm like, great. | ||
| I texted him. | ||
| Come in tomorrow. | ||
| The minute he can come in. | ||
| But security hadn't been told. | ||
| So I'm on the show, and I know Ant's coming in. | ||
| It's going to be a fucking surprise for the audience. | ||
| But he's being held up at security. | ||
| Because in fairness, they needed an email from Scott. | ||
| They didn't know that it had been okayed. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And it took about an hour or 40 minutes, but he got up. | ||
| And seeing him walk down that, oh, fuck, it was so good. | ||
| Look at him there. | ||
| Yeah, he was happy. | ||
| You very rarely see that on his face. | ||
| It was so good, but you just go right back into that and Sam is so perfect in that moment, too. | ||
| You just kind of go back into it and you flow and, you know, so I miss him a lot, but... | ||
| Uncensored conversations, they're just hard to come by and when you're under the corporate umbrella, you're not really uncensored. | ||
| There's always going to be something that you can't say, something that can get you in trouble, which is why I was always encouraging you to do a podcast, like even way back in the day. | ||
| I was like, you should branch out. | ||
| You should do something on your own on a side. | ||
| I feel like people wouldn't want... | ||
| I've always felt people wouldn't want it or they were sick of me or they're not interested. | ||
| But again, the closest I've come at this point is fucking dumb chip. | ||
| I may do my own someday, but I'm literally loving doing that. | ||
| It's freedom and it's fun. | ||
| Do what you love then, but... | ||
| You know, I mean, I know you love doing the Sam and Jim show, too, but I really feel like even that show would be bigger if it was just accessible to everybody and not on Sirius. | ||
| It might be. | ||
| And again, we have one more year left on the contract, and it is something I would do as a podcast. | ||
| It absolutely is something I would do as a podcast. | ||
| But they don't want to say one thing in their favor, besides the fact, like, yeah, there's human resources, and, you know, you can't go around fucking grabbing clits. | ||
| They never fuck with us creatively. | ||
| Like, literally... | ||
| Never. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They say nothing. | |
| Yeah, but there was that whole thing with Condoleezza Rice where you guys got kicked off the air because they had the homeless guy. | ||
| Here's what that was. | ||
| You're right. | ||
| Homeless Charlie. | ||
| And he's like, what about that Bush bitch? | ||
| He was just a funny fucking dude. | ||
| Here's how that got pushed. | ||
| That was before Sirius and XM merged. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| And what sunk, what almost happened was that made it to fucking Breitbart and then got onto Drudge and then became a big deal. | ||
| And I heard later that the people who were making that a story were the people who worked in terrestrial radio who did not want that merger to happen. | ||
| So the only reason the company pulled them off is they were literally scared that it was going to hurt whatever they needed in Congress to make the merger happen. | ||
| To make the XM series merger. | ||
| Yeah, so they were saying, is merger in danger? | ||
| Once that got out there... | ||
| And fucking either way, we shouldn't have been off the air. | ||
| But as crazy as it was, that's where Terrestrial Radio saved us. | ||
| Because K-Rock, who they wanted me off the fucking show, those cunts, I fucking hate that. | ||
| They wanted you off K-Rock? | ||
| Yeah, because the ratings weren't as good as they used to be, and they thought I was the problem. | ||
| It's like, hey, fucking shitheads, I was there in the afternoon before syndication. | ||
| I was with Lovie and Anthony before they were ever... | ||
| I love people going, yeah, dude, you suck. | ||
| I remember Philadelphia before you were on. | ||
| No, you don't. | ||
| It didn't happen before I was on. | ||
| There was no Philly show before I was on. | ||
| I was always there on syndication. | ||
| So whatever. | ||
| Anyway, they went to... | ||
| I know, I know, I know, I know. | ||
| I literally will do that alone. | ||
| Dude, I didn't realize that people don't talk to themselves. | ||
| I didn't realize that. | ||
| And with Chip and the characters, and I've talked about this on our show, I do it all the time by myself. | ||
| You have conversations by yourself? | ||
| Full-blown, Chip, Edgar... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Out loud. | |
| Oh! | ||
| Full-volume talking. | ||
| You do them in character? | ||
| Once in a while. | ||
| If I think of something as Edgar, I'll say it. | ||
| Who's Edgar? | ||
| He's another one. | ||
| He's a bad character. | ||
| He just has dry teeth. | ||
| There's not a whole lot to him. | ||
| But I would do them because Anthony, he touches you with his sharp fingernails. | ||
| It's an ugly thing. | ||
| And Uncle Paul. | ||
| I do them. | ||
| You do them when you're alone? | ||
| Completely alone. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And I do. | ||
| When I'm alone, if I drop something, I'll go, okay. | ||
| That's about it. | ||
| I'll walk around and talk to myself in full-blown conversation. | ||
| I'm actually embarrassed to admit this. | ||
| I took a shit today and I got up and I was done and I went to the fucking to look at my computer and I had to shit again immediately and I stood up and out loud I said, oh that just jostled a little more loose and I walked back to the toilet. | ||
| I said those words to myself alone. | ||
| I do it all the time dude. | ||
| I talk and I didn't know I thought everyone did that. | ||
| But Sam's like, no, I'll think things, but I don't say them. | ||
| Yeah, I would imagine most people think things, but a few people talk to themselves. | ||
| I'm sure I've done it on occasion, but it's not a normal thing. | ||
| In the shower I do it, out loud, just full conversation. | ||
| For me, when I'm alone, I'm happy to not talk. | ||
| I talk so fucking much. | ||
| I talk so much doing a podcast, so much doing stand-up, so much doing UFC commentary. | ||
| When I can not talk at all, I'm fucking happy. | ||
| Yeah, I don't know what it is. | ||
| It's like things that just kind of come out, or I work through things, or I work through this girlfriend's argument, you know, whatever it is in the moment, and I logically talk things through. | ||
| But yeah, that's where a lot of the character shit comes from, is I'll start thinking of it, or I'll talk in a weird voice, and there'll be something that resonates with me, and I'm like, ugh, I'm stuck in my fucking head, man. | ||
| And once it's stuck in my head, then I bring it out on the air, and that's when it gets stuck in everybody else's head. | ||
| Like, if it's bothering me for a month, you're gonna hate it. | ||
| You know, and I like to bring that stuff... | ||
| Out. | ||
| That's where half that shit comes from, just being single. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jesus. | |
| Fucking lonely. | ||
| I gotta wrap this up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay, buddy. | |
| Just being single. | ||
| This was so much fun, Joe. | ||
| Always a good time, brother. | ||
| Anytime you're in town, man, just let me know. | ||
| Let's do this more often. | ||
| Can I plug my tour? | ||
| Yes, yes. | ||
| Nearly room only. | ||
| All tickets are on sale if you want to go. | ||
| And I'm in Dallas and Austin this week, and the money's going to the hurricane. | ||
| I hate saying that. | ||
| It feels cheesy, but I feel worse going in and prostituting tickets. | ||
| Check me and Sam out or go to jimnorton.com or go to Chip Chipperson. | ||
| Riot Casts YouTube has all the Chip podcasts up there. | ||
| This one this week is going to be a fucking doozy. | ||
| Jim Norton, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That was great. |
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