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Aug. 30, 2017 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:39:17
Joe Rogan Experience #1005 - Hannibal Buress
Participants
Main voices
h
hannibal buress
01:08:43
j
jamie vernon
05:13
j
joe rogan
01:21:04
Appearances
Clips
b
benjamin jaffe
00:04
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Speaker Time Text
unidentified
five four three two one yes yep Hello, Hannibal.
hannibal buress
What's up, man?
joe rogan
How are you, sir?
hannibal buress
I'm good.
joe rogan
Good to see you.
hannibal buress
Good to see you, too.
joe rogan
You have notes.
hannibal buress
Yeah, I wanted to...
joe rogan
What's going on, man?
hannibal buress
I had notes.
I just wanted to be prepared.
I've had notes other times, but I just didn't have them written down.
You know what I mean?
joe rogan
Oh, you had them like in your head?
hannibal buress
I had them in my head, but I'm an older man now.
joe rogan
Is your mind starting to slip away?
hannibal buress
My mind started to slip away, so I had some notes.
joe rogan
You're drinking Alphabrain and you got notes.
hannibal buress
Yeah.
joe rogan
Dude, you're ready.
What's the notes?
What do you want to talk about?
What's going on?
hannibal buress
Oh, we don't have to get right into it.
joe rogan
Let's get into it.
It's written down.
hannibal buress
We can just flow naturally.
It was just more for, like, you know, sometimes if stuff lag or something, or if I feel like I don't have something right away, and then I'll, like, peek at it real quick.
joe rogan
Right.
Okay.
hannibal buress
But right now we're fresh.
joe rogan
Oh, we're fresh.
We're okay.
Good to see you, too, man.
hannibal buress
Yeah.
Sorry about Monday.
joe rogan
Oh, no worries, man.
Shit happens.
hannibal buress
I just did not...
I was still in New York.
I had booked my flight in the morning, and I just could not go.
joe rogan
You just couldn't do it?
Why?
hannibal buress
I don't know.
joe rogan
You were too tired?
hannibal buress
It wasn't just a tight...
It was just more of a...
joe rogan
Just didn't feel like going?
hannibal buress
Yeah, it was the five-hour thing.
And I did it today, actually.
I flew in today.
But it was just that...
joe rogan
Sometimes you just don't want to do it.
hannibal buress
It was just that flight.
I was like, oof.
I don't know if I could...
joe rogan
That's the beautiful thing about being a young, successful, single man.
You could do whatever the fuck you want to do.
hannibal buress
It was, uh, yeah.
joe rogan
Yeah.
hannibal buress
But I'm excited to be back.
Got weird last time.
joe rogan
Oh, here?
unidentified
Yeah.
joe rogan
Oh, the last time was the Sam Harris one, right?
hannibal buress
That's been a year?
joe rogan
Oh, yeah.
That's right.
Yeah, that did get a little weird.
Hey, alcohol.
Alcohol is a motherfucker.
It's amazing it's legal.
hannibal buress
It is.
It's amazing it's legal.
Well, also, it was just, yeah, I should have went to the comedy store.
Which I still did do.
You did a terrible set.
unidentified
Did you?
joe rogan
Well, we got drunk.
hannibal buress
A terrible set.
joe rogan
We did a podcast and got drunk, and then you hung around for the second podcast.
hannibal buress
Yeah.
Well, you said sit in, and I was like, yeah, sure, sit in.
unidentified
Yeah.
joe rogan
It was Sam Harrison.
Who else was it?
hannibal buress
It was the guy whose podcast it is.
joe rogan
Oh, Josh Zeps.
hannibal buress
Josh Zeps.
joe rogan
He fucking loved it.
hannibal buress
Of course, he got a crazy buzz.
joe rogan
Yeah, he loved the controversy, but it was kind of gross.
Even though I loved Josh, you could see it while I was going on that he loved it.
hannibal buress
Really?
unidentified
Yes, yes, yes.
hannibal buress
Yes.
He enjoyed it.
Well, you were teasing it out, too.
Because I started getting messages, what is this crazy Hannibal, Sam Harris?
And so I'm like, what the fuck is going on?
Because I knew once I left, I was like, yeah, that's going to be some weird shit.
And then I was fine with it.
But then I kept on getting messages like, what is this?
When is that coming out?
joe rogan
Well, everybody saw it live, didn't they?
No, they didn't.
hannibal buress
It was not a live thing.
joe rogan
That's right, because it was Josh Zep's podcast.
It wasn't mine.
unidentified
Yeah.
joe rogan
Oh, that's right, yeah.
Fun times.
hannibal buress
Yeah, it was a fun time.
joe rogan
Well, last time Zeps was here, he was talking about killing babies.
unidentified
Really?
joe rogan
Remember that?
Yeah, he was talking about, like, maybe you should be able to abort a baby six months after it's born.
I was like, what the fuck are you talking about, man?
hannibal buress
See, did he have notes?
joe rogan
No, no notes.
hannibal buress
See, that's what happened.
unidentified
He wasn't prepared.
hannibal buress
When you don't have no notes, you're like, yeah, let's kill alive babies.
Right?
Let's talk about it.
joe rogan
Gay dudes feel very differently about babies.
Like, they can't make them.
As long as they're doing only gay things.
There's no babies being made, so they're like, so detached from the idea of a baby.
hannibal buress
Do you think that's...
You think that's what he's like to kill him?
joe rogan
No, I don't.
No.
I'm just talking shit.
hannibal buress
Did he have strong points?
joe rogan
No.
No, they were terrible.
hannibal buress
Straight up killed a six-month-old baby?
joe rogan
He was just being controversial.
Okay.
I think he enjoys controversy.
hannibal buress
Yeah.
unidentified
Yeah.
hannibal buress
Clickbait.
joe rogan
Hey, if you're not a comedian, that's a good way to get attention.
hannibal buress
Yeah, get a clickbait.
joe rogan
What else do you have?
I mean, everybody can have a good point.
hannibal buress
Right.
But can you yell about it?
joe rogan
Yeah.
hannibal buress
Can you make a meme about it?
joe rogan
I mean, our whole society, our news runs on clickbait now.
It's getting more and more slippery.
Me and my friends, we call everything fake news now.
Call each other fake news.
I'm going back and forth with Ari and Bert and Tom Segura.
Because they wrote some article about Burt Kreischer.
And Burt is going to swear off a booze for 90 days.
hannibal buress
Yeah.
joe rogan
This is the new bet.
He's going to run a marathon and swear off booze for 90 days.
hannibal buress
Okay.
joe rogan
I don't believe it.
hannibal buress
Where's he at now?
Has he started yet?
unidentified
No!
joe rogan
He gets drunk every day.
That's the point.
I'm like, you're going to die like Amy Winehouse.
That's how Amy Winehouse died.
hannibal buress
You told him that?
joe rogan
Yeah, that's what I said.
hannibal buress
Oh, man, that's rough.
joe rogan
You got to be honest with your friends.
hannibal buress
That hard?
You're going to die like Amy Winehouse?
joe rogan
I said, if you just go cold turkey.
I told him to lay off.
I go, you got to wean off the booze.
hannibal buress
No, that's heroin you die like that.
unidentified
No, no, no, no, no, no.
joe rogan
Heroin, you just get the shakes and you feel like shit.
But heroin, you can live.
Booze is one of the rare drugs that will kill you if you drop it cold turkey if you're an alcoholic.
hannibal buress
But do you think...
I think there's a difference between heavy drinker and alcoholic.
joe rogan
Oh, well, yeah.
Casual boozer.
Maybe if you have two or three drinks at night and then you quit cold turkey, you'll be fine.
But if you're one of those all-day drinkers and then you quit cold turkey, you will die.
It's very common.
It's one of the more common drugs that you die.
I think there's...
There's, like, benzos.
Those will kill you from withdrawal.
There's a few different pharmaceuticals that'll kill you from withdrawal.
But I don't believe heroin's on that list.
I think it's very rare that people die from heroin withdrawal.
hannibal buress
What?
joe rogan
Yeah, they get really sick.
unidentified
Oh!
joe rogan
Yeah.
You know who Carl Hart is?
Dr. Carl Hart?
hannibal buress
No.
The famous doctor who is- But I trust all doctors with just two syllables and their full name.
joe rogan
Well, he's got dreadlocks.
He trusted me more.
He's cool.
But he's a very, very interesting doctor because he talks about drug use and drug with- He's like, first of all, one of the things that he points out is like, I'll just talk about a drug-free society.
He's like, there's never been one.
He goes, there's never been one.
There's never been a drug-free, and you don't- nor do you want it.
He goes, when it comes to whether it's caffeine or alcohol and then pharmaceutical drugs, things that help people.
He's like, we have this, like, we decide to demonize certain drugs.
hannibal buress
Yeah.
joe rogan
And he's like, the drugs you got to be worried about, like, alcohol is one of the scariest ones.
Because if you quit cold turkey, if you're a hardcore drinker and you're drinking all the time, you'll fucking die.
hannibal buress
Well, maybe cough syrup to win yourself off or something like that?
Something light?
joe rogan
I don't think it helps.
unidentified
I don't think it activates the same part of your brain.
hannibal buress
I was talking to this photographer.
I was at this festival this weekend.
And she had a film camera.
Do you develop your own film?
She said, oh no, you can only develop black and white.
Because if you develop your own color pictures, the fumes will knock you right out.
And so I said, so just a little bit of that would be a great time.
Just a small...
So just get a little bit of that, and you can just...
joe rogan
Like huff and paint.
hannibal buress
Yeah, you can do a goddamn job interview.
And nail it.
joe rogan
Maybe.
hannibal buress
Just a little bit.
A smidgen.
unidentified
Just a touch.
joe rogan
Just like crack a vial in front of your nose.
hannibal buress
Like a micro dose of a little bit of that.
joe rogan
Have you ever tried poppers?
Do you know what poppers are?
Those are those things where they crack them...
And they sniff it?
A male nitrate, I think it's called?
hannibal buress
No.
I did whippers in college.
unidentified
Oh, yeah.
joe rogan
I did that when I worked at a creamery.
I worked at Newport Creamery.
It was like an ice cream place.
And they had the ice cream, those big vats of that...
What is the gas?
hannibal buress
Nitrous oxide?
joe rogan
Nitrous oxide, right?
hannibal buress
Yeah.
joe rogan
That's what it is, yeah.
And we would do...
hannibal buress
Yeah.
joe rogan
Take, like, socks off of it.
hannibal buress
That kills a lot of brain cells.
unidentified
A lot!
Yeah.
hannibal buress
That kills a lot of brain cells.
I remember I did it one weekend in college, and then I think I did it on a Friday night.
And on a Sunday, I was just walking around.
I was just yelling all weird.
I don't know if I was forcing a yell just because I was trying to justify how I felt or if it was a natural yell, but yelling was happening.
joe rogan
Wow.
hannibal buress
Yeah.
joe rogan
And you couldn't help it?
hannibal buress
I don't know.
You ever just tweak out by yourself just to...
You never just...
You absolutely do.
After like a crazy workout, you're like...
joe rogan
After a workout, I'm usually spent.
hannibal buress
Well, people just tweak out.
joe rogan
Like how you do like a flex.
hannibal buress
Connor at the weigh-in was just tweaking out, but it was for show.
Sometimes you put a show for yourself.
joe rogan
Right.
Change your state of mind.
hannibal buress
Just by yourself.
joe rogan
Yeah, like people say if you smile, it'll change your mind, right?
It'll change the way your brain actually feels.
Well, if you freak out, it probably does that too, right?
hannibal buress
Yeah.
joe rogan
Yeah.
hannibal buress
Definitely.
joe rogan
There's ways to do it.
I mean, why else would Indians, like Native Americans, when they do those battle cries, why else are they doing that?
They're getting fired up.
hannibal buress
Yeah, you get hyped up by yelling or singing a song.
joe rogan
Viking.
jamie vernon
Yeah, the haka.
hannibal buress
Is that New Zealand?
joe rogan
Yeah.
jamie vernon
Right?
Yeah.
joe rogan
It is New Zealand, isn't it?
Yeah.
hannibal buress
Yeah, well, it's this video of them playing the USA team.
joe rogan
Oh, yeah.
hannibal buress
And they're doing this elaborate...
They're doing...
It's very elaborate and just energetic.
And they cut to the USA team and they're kind of looking back.
Kind of just...
Not confused, but just what's going on.
And they went through this whole thing.
It's this right here.
Yeah.
joe rogan
They did it in a basketball game?
hannibal buress
Yeah, in a basketball game.
joe rogan
Give me some volume.
This is ridiculous.
You're playing basketball.
hannibal buress
And it was like, yo, y'all about to get dusted by 45 points.
Yeah, what...
unidentified
Look at this.
joe rogan
You're playing NBA superstars, you fucking dummies.
hannibal buress
But it's just for the culture.
That's what they do all the time, but it's...
But it's just, it seems so...
joe rogan
Stupid.
hannibal buress
Not, well...
joe rogan
It seems stupid.
hannibal buress
If you...
joe rogan
If you're playing basketball, it's stupid.
hannibal buress
No, I think if you...
joe rogan
It's a performance art.
Like, the other players clapped.
unidentified
The Americans clapped.
joe rogan
They're like, good job, children.
hannibal buress
That was...
And then that game, what was the final score of that game?
joe rogan
100 million to zero?
Is that what it was?
hannibal buress
It's just weird if you do all of that and then...
joe rogan
Get your ass kicked.
hannibal buress
Get dusted.
joe rogan
Get stomped.
That is one of the most unfair things ever, that they let NBA superstars play in the Olympics.
That is so fucked up.
hannibal buress
That was in our country.
unidentified
That's from our country.
joe rogan
But it's so fucked up.
It's so fucked up.
It's like, look, Andre Ward was an Olympic gold medalist, but if you let him box in the Olympics right now, it would be so fucked up.
It's just wrong.
hannibal buress
Well...
joe rogan
It's just way better now.
hannibal buress
The Boxing Olympics, they...
joe rogan
They don't love professionals.
hannibal buress
Is it an age cap to it?
joe rogan
No.
I don't think they allow professionals.
Although that whole professional, non-professional thing is very weird now.
Especially now that they let NBA players play.
There was always talk of that.
When they were talking about doing that, it was back when Mike Tyson was a champ.
They were like, what the fuck?
What if you let Mike Tyson box the Olympics?
Good luck!
hannibal buress
Well, the players from the other teams are pros, too.
Yeah.
I mean, the other countries.
Well, Spain has some solid players, and some of them are NBA players.
Paul Gasol, Marc Gasol, Rudy Gonzalez, a couple other players that played in the NBA. Australia actually put up a decent team.
They got Bogut.
Maybe Patty Mills.
I might be fucking at it.
But they have a handful of...
There's a handful of pros from other countries and in those pro leagues that have been competitive against the...
But not those guys.
joe rogan
But there's pros, and then there's American pros.
Sure.
When it comes to basketball, there's no competition.
It's kind of a joke, isn't it?
jamie vernon
It's getting close.
It was for a second, for a little bit.
hannibal buress
It's getting close.
Spain has some guys.
And Spain has a bunch of guys in the league.
So when Spain plays the USA, it's basically like some NBA players playing against other NBA players.
You know what I mean?
Versus random dudes.
Instead of it being random dudes from Spain.
It's actually, you know, they might be playing.
One of the guys on the USA might be playing against one of their real NBA teammates.
unidentified
Interesting.
hannibal buress
Yeah.
jamie vernon
The rules are a little different, too, in international basketball.
joe rogan
What's the difference?
jamie vernon
For instance, you can goaltend, but once the ball hits the rim, you can swat it off in the NBA. In All-American basketball, pretty much, you can't even touch the ball if it's anywhere close to the rim or above it.
That's a whole extra rule.
If you're seven foot tall, you can just snatch the ball every time it gets near the rim, basically.
There's a couple other little small ones, too, like bumping and shit.
joe rogan
It's interesting how other countries used to be...
Non-competitive in certain sports.
Boxing is a perfect example.
For the longest time, the American boxers were head and shoulders above the rest of the world.
hannibal buress
Did it?
joe rogan
Yeah, especially in the heavyweight division.
It wasn't even close.
There was Henry Cooper, who hurt Muhammad Ali real bad.
That was an interesting story.
This is back when Muhammad Ali was still Cassius Clay, before he became Muhammad Ali.
And Henry Cooper was like the big English heavyweight.
And he rocked Muhammad Ali with a left hook.
And you know what Angelo Dundee did?
He cut Muhammad Ali's gloves.
He went back to the corner, and he just sliced his gloves.
He's like, hey, we gotta change these gloves.
These gloves are fucked up.
So they bought him all this time.
They had to undo the tape.
hannibal buress
Oh, shit.
joe rogan
Yeah, they had to undo the tape, get another pair of gloves.
Like, they cut his fucking gloves.
hannibal buress
Because that's the type of tricks you could do in the 60s.
joe rogan
Yeah.
Yeah, exactly.
hannibal buress
Yeah, that's what they did.
joe rogan
But if you ever see the fight, he got cracked.
Like, more than he ever got cracked in his entire career.
Google Henry Cooper rocks Muhammad Ali.
And so Muhammad Ali, it wasn't Muhammad Ali, it was Cassius Clay back then.
So he drops him with like the perfect left hook.
That was his big punch too.
And Ali just crashes down to his ass and he's like out.
And they gave him all sorts of time.
He went back to the corner, they cut the gloves, they took the gloves off, then he went back and...
hannibal buress
He got new gloves?
joe rogan
They had to.
unidentified
They sliced his gloves open with a razor blade.
joe rogan
They just sliced them.
hannibal buress
So this is about 10 minutes?
joe rogan
This is a lot of time.
A lot of time.
A lot of time.
Because they had to get gloves.
You know, they don't have gloves just waiting.
hannibal buress
What was, uh, I wonder what the commentator's stall game was like back then.
joe rogan
You can see it right here.
hannibal buress
Were these guys used to stalling like that?
joe rogan
It's right here.
Boom!
hannibal buress
Ooh!
joe rogan
Yeah, like, he is fucking out.
I mean, he is rocked.
And it's the very end of the round.
The very end of the round.
So they sit him down.
Boom!
I mean, that was a perfect left hook.
He just got sat down.
He's in deep trouble.
So there's two things happen.
One, it's the end of the round.
See, he's like really out of it here.
Yeah, they're throwing water on him.
And then when they go back, they're like, oh, you know.
Oh, so they cut it out of this.
They don't show him the clip.
They change the gloves.
So he's super fresh here.
And he wound up stopping Henry Cooper by cuts.
hannibal buress
See if there's a clip of the glove change in part.
joe rogan
Yeah.
That's funny.
It's like, this is Mike Tyson's old trainer, not old trainer, but old manager.
Goddammit, I forget his name.
But he was a boxing historian, and he put together all of these videos.
And he used to do the voiceover for a lot of these videos, too.
Like, right when Customato died, him and Shelly Finkel took over.
Goddammit, what the fuck is his name?
Mike Tyson's old manager.
What do you got there?
Pulling up?
Nope.
Nope.
It was an old Jewish guy.
Forget his name.
But he had a tremendous library of films.
hannibal buress
Yeah.
joe rogan
And it's one of the things that Mike Tyson used to go and watch, you know, obviously we're talking about the early 80s.
So this is before VHS tapes.
I mean, those things weren't on VHS tapes.
So he would watch them on like 16mm.
hannibal buress
Actual film?
joe rogan
Yeah.
Yeah.
hannibal buress
Damn.
joe rogan
Goddamn it.
I'm struggling to remember his fucking name.
It's driving me crazy.
Something with a J. Anyway, point being, he probably edited that out.
They didn't want to show the controversy because it was plain, straight cheating.
They just cheated.
hannibal buress
I want to hear what the commentators did during that stall.
joe rogan
That's a good point.
hannibal buress
We don't know what's going on.
Did they just veer off into other talks?
Sometimes how baseball commentators just start talking about some...
Weird, random shit about their family and cars when it's downtime.
You know, I went out fishing this weekend.
That lake is great, man.
The mosquitoes get to you, but hey, okay, yeah.
High and away.
joe rogan
Yeah, baseball players, that's an art to that, right?
Because there's so much downtime.
hannibal buress
Yeah, it's...
Oh, absolutely.
It's so much downtime.
I was watching one clip...
I forget what team it was, but it was somebody at bat, and then one of his teammates was just exactly mocking his, just imitating his batting style and ritual, just from every little nuance to just what he would do with his left foot, and then he was doing that for all his teammates.
Because you got so much down time.
Right.
And you're around them 162 games and plus practice.
So you're like, yeah, I know exactly all of your moves.
joe rogan
All your mannerisms.
hannibal buress
Exactly.
Every one of your mannerisms down to the eye twitch.
joe rogan
My high school wrestling coach refused to call baseball sport.
He's like, it's not a sport.
It's a skills game.
It's a skills game.
But you do have to run.
hannibal buress
You have to run.
There's...
It's not my favorite sport, but I respect it a lot.
You know who Javi Baez is from the Cubs?
joe rogan
I don't know anybody who's playing baseball.
Unless they get arrested.
hannibal buress
That's a lot of people.
joe rogan
You gotta be arrested or you gotta fuck J-Lo.
hannibal buress
That's how a lot of people find out.
Javi Baez!
Is one of the best defenders in the league.
Makes incredible plays.
That's athletics.
joe rogan
Oh, for sure.
hannibal buress
Yeah, it's a lot of skill involved, but it's definitely athletes, I think.
joe rogan
Yeah, they are, but there's a big difference between that and, say, basketball.
You have to be in some extreme cardio to play basketball.
You're running back and forth and back and forth, and those guys are always sore after games, and they got fucking plantar fasciitis and shoulder issues.
hannibal buress
Yeah, it's constant activity.
You can be in left field a couple innings and not do anything, just chilling out there with your own thoughts.
Talking to the fans and shit.
unidentified
Yeah.
hannibal buress
Yeah, it's none of that in basketball.
Just standing around.
Except for doing free throws or downtime.
But baseball players might go.
Especially if the pitch is killing it.
joe rogan
Yeah.
hannibal buress
You just get into your fucking stands half-heartedly.
But you know it might not be coming out there.
Just...
joe rogan
That's the other thing about baseball.
The fans will torture you.
If you're sitting out there.
hannibal buress
Oh yeah, that's a long time to be out there.
They torture you.
Especially on an away game.
joe rogan
Plus they're drinking.
There's 18 minutes of action in your average Major League Baseball game.
hannibal buress
Wow.
joe rogan
That's like less than one fight.
You know?
hannibal buress
18 minutes of action.
joe rogan
That's like one championship fight or less than, yeah, less than one championship fight or basically one three-round fight, which is 15 minutes of action.
It's crazy.
hannibal buress
We act like we made a big discovery and shit.
Yo, baseball boring, yo.
We did it.
joe rogan
Well, baseball is one of those games, like if you try to invent it today, they'd be like, get the fuck away from here with that.
hannibal buress
In this day and age, that shit is definitely old school.
But the other thing about that 18 minutes of action...
That's not even action of everybody.
That's not everybody moving at once, like a football game or basketball.
That's maybe three or four people moving around.
joe rogan
Maybe.
Sometimes it's usually two.
hannibal buress
If you turn on a double play, then there's a handful of people involved in it.
It's a pretty chill.
joe rogan
Boring fucking game.
hannibal buress
I get paid a lot.
A lot of games.
joe rogan
It's crazy how much money is involved in it.
hannibal buress
People like it, man.
joe rogan
But it's gone to Japan.
What other countries adopted baseball?
hannibal buress
Adopted it?
joe rogan
Took it on.
hannibal buress
It was super popular in Japan.
I know Cuba.
joe rogan
Cuba, right?
hannibal buress
Maybe Mexico.
joe rogan
Mexico?
unidentified
Really?
hannibal buress
I don't know.
Korea?
I'm just saying stuff.
joe rogan
Yeah, I don't know.
hannibal buress
Just guess it.
joe rogan
It's amazing how little interest people here have for soccer.
That's what's really amazing.
When you say soccer worldwide, and you see how little we give a fuck about it here.
Except those annoying white dudes That like to get really hyped up about it when the World Cup comes around and they scream and yell at bars like they really give a fuck.
There's reportedly growing belief that Bryce Harper's next contract could be worth over 400 million dollars.
hannibal buress
I could imagine...
joe rogan
Jesus.
hannibal buress
...just that type of scrutiny and attention on my finances like that.
Right.
There's expectation.
This is not even...
Not the contract is set yet, but when people are talking about what you might make...
joe rogan
So much money.
hannibal buress
It's a lot of money.
joe rogan
It's too much money.
It's too much money to be resting over your head.
hannibal buress
You think 400 is too well?
Say it's about...
I don't know.
I mean, it depends on what state he lives in, how much money it actually is.
joe rogan
Well, it becomes a thing, like with Floyd Mayweather, you know?
Like, a big thing about Floyd Mayweather is how much money he makes.
It's not just that he's a great boxer.
It's that he's gonna make 300 million dollars!
Apparently it's going to be even more than that.
Did you see the pay-per-view numbers?
They're talking about 6.5 million pay-per-view buys.
hannibal buress
Wow.
joe rogan
So it's more than 2 million more than the Manny Pacquiao fight.
That's insane.
jamie vernon
Does that include the potential refunds?
joe rogan
That's a good question.
hannibal buress
Well, to be fair, he did nickname himself Money Mayweather.
joe rogan
Well, he did after he was Pretty Boy Floyd.
hannibal buress
He changed it.
But yeah, then he built a persona around I spend money.
He doesn't have to do...
I mean, it's cool and good for him.
But he did make a big thing about spending money.
That one time he showed a...
Like a hundred million dollar check.
unidentified
Do you remember that?
hannibal buress
I'm like, wait, why is that on like a regular ass check?
joe rogan
Yeah.
hannibal buress
It was just like on a regular Chase Bank check.
It wasn't even...
joe rogan
A big cardboard one?
hannibal buress
Not even that.
Or printed out.
Or printed out on a...
Or even a wire or something.
I want to get that wire.
joe rogan
Yeah, laminate that thing.
Do you think that's real?
Do you really hold it on to a $100 million check?
hannibal buress
But it was just a regular-ass check that you would buy groceries on in the 80s.
joe rogan
Yeah.
hannibal buress
Yeah, that shit.
joe rogan
$100 million.
hannibal buress
Yeah, I guess he wrote it to himself, so it's...
joe rogan
Mayweather Promotions, General Operating Account.
hannibal buress
Yeah.
joe rogan
Yeah.
hannibal buress
You got $100 million in a Bank of America?
I guess so.
joe rogan
It seems like he just holds on to it, too.
unidentified
Yeah.
hannibal buress
Hey!
joe rogan
He doesn't cash it?
jamie vernon
That's a weird...
Yeah, I saw.
joe rogan
But I mean, why is he hanging on to that?
You should probably cash that.
hannibal buress
Well, it's in his other account anyways.
It's Mayweather Promotions account.
Who cares?
So the Mayweather personal account, the checking?
joe rogan
So he's probably going to make more than $300 million from this last fight.
hannibal buress
Sure.
Yeah.
joe rogan
Amazing.
I can't imagine that they won't do that again.
hannibal buress
That him and...
joe rogan
Connor won't do it again.
hannibal buress
With...
unidentified
What?
joe rogan
If Connor can figure out how to not get tired.
hannibal buress
Yeah.
joe rogan
If he can convince people.
Like, say if he fights Pauli Malignaggi.
hannibal buress
He's not.
joe rogan
Beats the shit out of Pauli Malignaggi.
And then says, Freud!
unidentified
Let's do it one more fucking time!
hannibal buress
And I think Floyd would be like, nah man, come on.
We did that already.
joe rogan
I know, but he starts thinking about that money.
If you could figure out a way to get people excited about it, Conor could somehow or another get more people to pay attention?
Because it was an interesting fight for the first three or four rounds.
hannibal buress
He made it look interesting, but it really wasn't interesting.
I thought it was interesting, but then when I thought back, it wasn't interesting.
joe rogan
Well, he caught Floyd clean.
You know, he caught him with an uppercut in the first round.
Nobody hits Floyd clean like that.
Floyd underestimated him, I think.
hannibal buress
Also, he wasn't doing that shoulder roll.
joe rogan
No.
hannibal buress
Because he wanted to...
He didn't believe in Conor's power.
So Floyd usually boxes.
joe rogan
Do you think that's what it is?
hannibal buress
You always see him boxing that.
He boxed Canelo and he does that and he goes off of that counter.
joe rogan
I don't think that's what it was.
I think he knew that Conor was going to get tired if he was backing up.
You know that Conor has endurance problems.
And as long as he wasn't throwing a lot of punches, which Floyd wasn't, and he's constantly faking and moving, he's got Conor backing up, it's way easier to be defensive if you're not being offensive.
So if you're not thinking about hitting the guy, if you're constantly fainting...
You've got your hands up and you're moving forward, but really what you're thinking about is what he's throwing.
You can get away with a lot, and you can press forward a lot more because you're going to see the punches coming because you're not really thinking too much about throwing your own punches unless there's a clear, wide opening.
So for the first couple of rounds, he's mostly putting pressure on him, sizing him up.
When I watched it after the fight, it became way more obvious.
Like, while you're watching it, you're like, what's going to happen?
What's going to happen?
Once you already know what's happened, then I watched it and I said, oh, I can see exactly what he's doing.
He's fainting, putting a lot of pressure on Conor, and he's making Conor back up a lot, which is exhausting.
And then also, Conor's not very efficient.
He's not a boxer, so there's a lot of energy being wasted.
He's going to get tired more easily, and then he doesn't run, so he doesn't have the same kind of endurance that Floyd has.
There's a lot of factors in there.
hannibal buress
Yeah, and it was 111 punches, but some of them were like...
joe rogan
Yeah, the ones that Conor landed, you mean?
hannibal buress
Yeah, there was a few of them that were like little boops.
joe rogan
There were also like weird ones, like little patty-pack punches to the side of the head and shit.
hannibal buress
Yeah, in the back of the head.
There's this one meme that shows Conor like this, and it just says, fuck this box and shit!
joe rogan
Well, you know, you get used to that in MMA. You know, you get used to hammer fists.
hannibal buress
Well, I think that's what I saw.
I was talking about that, and a lot of other people were just wondering if muscle memory is going to just kick in and he's going to do some weird information.
And it did kick in a little bit, but not to the extreme.
joe rogan
Yeah, I think there was some massive penalties.
If he had any sort of a point deduction or anything that they did, something illegal, I think he had a massive penalty.
More than a million dollars for each thing he fucked up with.
jamie vernon
I heard it was like 10 mil.
hannibal buress
10 mil for each one?
joe rogan
That makes sense.
hannibal buress
That 10 mil for each one makes you get your shit together.
joe rogan
As long as he doesn't get disqualified, it might be worth it.
Like 10 million for one fucking knee to the body.
unidentified
Yeah.
hannibal buress
I didn't know you used to fight until after the last time I did the podcast.
I just thought you got it worked out a lot and just really liked mixed martial arts and combat.
joe rogan
Well, I never fought in mixed martial arts because it wasn't around.
hannibal buress
But kickboxing though.
joe rogan
Yeah, I did that.
hannibal buress
Yeah, because I remember just seeing somebody say, yo, you talking about Rogan like that?
He'll kick you in your shit.
And I'm like, what?
And then I looked up Rogan kickboxing.
I'm like, what the fuck?
This whole time.
He was just kicking the shit out of a bag.
joe rogan
Yeah.
hannibal buress
Yeah.
How'd that feel, man?
joe rogan
To hit somebody?
Feels weird.
hannibal buress
The bag.
joe rogan
Oh, bag's easy.
hannibal buress
Yeah.
joe rogan
Bags don't hit back.
hannibal buress
When's the last time you hit somebody?
joe rogan
In anger?
Or in competitions?
It's been a long fucking time.
hannibal buress
In anger?
joe rogan
Neither one.
That's even longer.
In anger, it's probably a high school.
But in competitions, when I was 22 or something like that, that was a Taekwondo tournament.
I was 19 then.
hannibal buress
Oh.
And that was you?
joe rogan
Yeah, that was me.
unidentified
With the walk-off?
joe rogan
That was me with the walk-off.
If you kick somebody to the body like that, a spinning back kick to the body, there's so much force.
hannibal buress
He got all the bulletproof, though.
joe rogan
Doesn't matter.
That thing, that's just moral protection.
hannibal buress
Oh, man.
joe rogan
That's not helping you.
hannibal buress
So, what was your, at that moment, when you saw him laying down?
He's dead.
joe rogan
I knew he was gone.
hannibal buress
But.
joe rogan
I mean, not dead.
You know.
hannibal buress
What you thinking?
Damn.
joe rogan
He's not getting up.
hannibal buress
Oh, was it one?
unidentified
Yeah.
joe rogan
You have to walk away and make it look like it's no big deal.
That was how my thought process was.
Don't get excited.
Make it look like this is what I'm going to do to everybody.
Just relax.
Just walk off.
And have everybody so nervous that you don't even care.
This is just a normal thing for you.
You kick people.
They go unconscious.
They fall down.
They can't get up.
You've got to have the people because you're in a tournament.
So you're going to be fighting a bunch of people and they're sitting around watching.
Yeah, you might have to fight three or four times in a day.
hannibal buress
Who was there rooting for you?
joe rogan
My teammates, guys that I train with.
hannibal buress
Yeah.
joe rogan
Yeah.
It doesn't even seem, like even when I watch that, it doesn't really feel like me.
So long ago.
hannibal buress
Just the hair.
joe rogan
Well, not only that.
I mean, I also have a head protector on the back of my head.
They would wear these head protectors.
Either you could wear a full one that covers your whole head, like over your ears, or you wear one that's just the back of your head, which is really just there so when you get knocked out, your head doesn't fucking bounce off the ground.
hannibal buress
Yeah.
joe rogan
Because we were fighting on a basketball court.
If you look at that, that's just a wood floor.
hannibal buress
Shit.
joe rogan
Yeah, there's a lot of that.
We fought on a hockey rink once, where they put a plastic sheet down on a hockey rink.
So it was not the ice, but the cement underneath the hockey rink.
So we were basically fighting on cement.
hannibal buress
So the 80s were terrible.
joe rogan
Fucking awful.
Bad for brain damage, that's for sure.
A lot of people got fucked up, knocked out, and bounced their head off the ground.
unidentified
Jesus.
joe rogan
I saw a lot of that.
unidentified
Yeah.
joe rogan
Not good.
And for no money.
That's the thing.
There's no future.
No future and no money.
hannibal buress
For the love of the game.
joe rogan
Well, I guess it prepares you for life and also you wanted to find out.
I wanted to find out how I would do, you know?
I wanted to find out what it would be like to compete under high stress situations like worrying about someone kicking you in the face.
hannibal buress
Yeah.
I'm glad most people can't kick somebody in the face, so I'm glad.
That's whenever I go to a UFC fight or MMA, I just, whenever somebody gets kicked in the face, I'm like, man, if I got kicked in the face, I'd be so disappointed.
joe rogan
It's not good.
hannibal buress
It looks crazy.
joe rogan
Yeah, it's terrible for you.
The thing is, more people can kick people in the face now than I think at any other time in human history.
I think there's a lot of fucking people that can kick people in the face now because of watching MMA and taking classes and training.
I think more people are training now than ever before.
For sure, there's way more people that can strangle people than ever.
hannibal buress
Oh, yeah.
joe rogan
100%.
hannibal buress
Because the choke is easier to learn?
joe rogan
No, it's just more people are doing jujitsu than any other time in history.
Like, before, like, in my early martial arts days, there was no one that was doing grappling, really.
Like, I wrestled in high school, and then there was no, like, jujitsu classes.
There was, like, you could take judo.
Like, there was judo, but there was very few, like, actual, like, submission grappling schools or anything like that.
Even nationwide, there was a small handful.
Nobody knew what the fuck they were doing.
Now, everywhere you look, there's a jujitsu school.
hannibal buress
Yeah.
joe rogan
Like, I was down in San Diego.
Just San Diego alone, which is not a big city.
They must have a hundred jiu-jitsu schools just in San Diego.
hannibal buress
Shit.
joe rogan
It's crazy.
hannibal buress
I'm gonna start sponsoring more fighters.
joe rogan
Yeah?
unidentified
Are you?
hannibal buress
Remember our sponsor for one?
Yeah.
And she missed weight.
joe rogan
Yeah, and Invicta, right?
hannibal buress
Yeah.
joe rogan
Yeah.
Are you gonna do more?
hannibal buress
I am.
Some other people reached out.
I gotta just get some new designs for the clothes.
That's what's been holding me back.
I gotta get some new designs.
That was an okay design, but I gotta mix it up a little bit.
joe rogan
Do you have, like, your face on her ass or something like that?
hannibal buress
Is that what it was supposed to be?
It was around the whole body.
It wasn't just the ass.
It was just in case, you know, just in case she got knocked out and fell on her face, then, boom, HannibalBirds.com.
Yeah.
joe rogan
Yeah, you could do it in some organizations still.
hannibal buress
There it is!
unidentified
There it is.
hannibal buress
Oh, yeah, all over.
joe rogan
That's hilarious.
And she didn't make weight.
That's a bummer.
hannibal buress
She didn't make weight.
joe rogan
I think it's harder for girls to make weight.
hannibal buress
Well, she was cutting...
She's fighting next week at...
I think she was trying to fight at 115, and she's fighting at 125 now.
Or she was trying to fight...
I think she was trying to fight at 105, and now fighting at...
Either or, she's...
Cutting less weight.
She's cutting less weight this time.
unidentified
Yeah.
joe rogan
That was the other thought about the Conor fight.
A lot of people thought that Conor cut too much weight.
That's one of the reasons why he burnt out.
hannibal buress
Yeah.
joe rogan
That's part of it.
I think it was a factor.
He does cut a lot of weight, and that does drain your body.
And it's not like when he's training he's cutting that weight, because he's not.
You know, like...
You only do it once.
You do it right before the weigh-ins.
You weigh in and then you put the weight back on.
So all that endurance training, all those hard rounds that you did, that's not after you're dehydrating yourself severely.
hannibal buress
So your body's not used to operating at that level with Well, he's used to it because he fights in MMA like that, but MMA you get more chances to take a break.
joe rogan
It's different.
It's more exhausting.
It could potentially be more exhausting because there's grappling and there's kicks and there's just a lot more going on and you're fighting five-minute rounds.
You have more of a chance to get tired in that five-minute rounds.
When you clinch with someone, you could actually hold on to them.
Your referee's not going to break it.
You can take them to the ground and get on top of them.
You can hold your position and catch your breath.
There's more opportunities to recover.
hannibal buress
Right.
joe rogan
That weight cutting is the worst part of fighting.
100%.
hannibal buress
It seems...
Even the fighter that Janessa was supposed to fight that day, she took a picture of herself and she made weight.
But it looked terrible.
It was definitely 105, now that I remember, because 115 wouldn't look crazy like that.
Well, it could if you were cutting a shitload of weight.
Well, no, I mean, it could, but 105, it was just like, she was like, I made weight, and I was like, yo, you okay?
Look, it was just that she put in her phone on Instagram, I'm like, you know what?
She tried.
She tried to make weight.
Shit, who cares?
A few pounds.
But I guess those few pounds matter, obviously, if somebody's overweight and didn't go through the strenuous process that you went to, then they come in at an advantage.
joe rogan
Yeah, you have an advantage if you're not dehydrating yourself as much, but that advantage is crazy.
Like, they should stop doing that.
They really should figure out a way to stop fighters from cutting weight like that.
hannibal buress
What's the alternative?
joe rogan
The alternative is to weigh them, like, randomly, the same way they catch people with drugs, like random drug tests, do random weight tests.
Like, they show up and they go, oh, Hannibal, look, you're 175 pounds, you're supposed to be fighting at 155, what the fuck is that?
Like, okay, and then they catch you again.
Okay, well, you're 176 pounds today.
Well, you're definitely not fighting at 155. And they'll give you a weight parameter.
Like, it says it's healthy for you to cut 10 pounds.
You've got to fight at 166. That's your weight class.
So, it'll force fighters to be more disciplined about their actual weight.
Like, you can't balloon up in between rounds or in between competition.
And you're also, you know, you have to think about how much weight you could actually dehydrate out of your body healthy.
California has some new laws.
They only let you cut a certain amount of weight.
They periodically measure people during their camp.
They give them an opportunity and they measure them during their camp.
That's one of the reasons Hennen Barrow, who was the bantamweight champion, he fought Aljamain Sterling, but they wouldn't let him fight at 135. They made him fight at 140. Because he cut too much weight.
hannibal buress
Is that a catchweight?
Yeah.
I think that should be the option for the crazy fighters.
Just whatever weight you want to be, class.
That should be one.
Like for the fighters that might not be active or not on the build.
And we got this spot, like a guest spot.
joe rogan
A guest spot.
hannibal buress
A guest spot on the comedy show.
You know, somebody just pops up.
Hey, a pop-up fight.
No matter what the weight is, these two fighters, whatever the fuck weight they want to be, they've agreed to fight.
We got this guy coming in at 165, this other guy coming in at 215. They've agreed to fight each other.
joe rogan
You're cool with that?
hannibal buress
Like old school, UFC 1. Yeah, like the old school, but not crazy, you know, not sumo wrestler versus, you know, 100 pound dude, but...
joe rogan
How much weight?
30 pounds difference?
Like, what's the cap?
hannibal buress
I think it's up to, leave it up to the person.
It's a guest spot.
It's the guest spot fight.
joe rogan
Well, a lot of people do that in grappling tournaments.
In grappling tournaments, they have the absolute division.
In the absolute division, sometimes the lighter guys win the whole thing.
hannibal buress
Yeah.
joe rogan
But there's no hitting.
That's the thing about grappling.
You can get by on skill and technique and an understanding of positioning, whereas you're fighting a guy like Francis Ngannou or someone like that, just a giant, 265-pound dude.
If you're a 150-pound guy, you're fucked.
You're just fucked.
hannibal buress
That guy, he's what, 8-0 or something?
joe rogan
10-1.
hannibal buress
10-1.
joe rogan
Yeah, I think he lost one of his early fights.
The commission...
Okay, look at that.
They have a 10-point plan to curb the weight cutting while protecting fighters.
Now normalized in the commission's rules are a steeper fine for missing weight.
A 10% cap on the weight a fighter is allowed to gain between the time the weigh-ins...
Oh, that's interesting.
...and the weight class restrictions for those who miss weight more than once.
They also recognize four new weight classes.
I think that's huge.
Have a bunch of weight classes.
They should have weight classes every 10 pounds.
That guy Andy Foster, he's the California State Athletic Commission Executive Director.
He's the shit.
That guy's awesome.
He really is the most proactive out of all the Athletic Commission guys.
So that's it.
They'll figure it out.
They banned the use of IVs, which is interesting too.
Because IVs help you considerably to rehydrate.
hannibal buress
Sure.
Yeah, they banned him?
joe rogan
Yeah, they banned him.
They don't want people relying on that.
hannibal buress
Stay thirsty, motherfucker.
unidentified
Stay thirsty.
hannibal buress
Get punched.
It's fight time.
joe rogan
All these articles about Kevin Durant talking shit about Under Armour.
Dude, that crushed their stock yesterday.
Really?
unidentified
It's crazy.
hannibal buress
Kevin Durant is the Trump of basketball shoe stocks?
joe rogan
No, you know what he did?
He was just casually commenting about how kids will pick schools based on what sneakers they're going to have to wear.
jamie vernon
Pretty true.
joe rogan
Yeah.
NBA star Durant takes a shot at Under Armour.
But he just said it in a matter-of-fact sort of a way.
He's like, kids don't want to play in Under Armour.
See, look at this.
Nobody wants to play in Under Armour.
I'm sorry.
The top kids don't because they all play Nike.
hannibal buress
On a podcast!
unidentified
Yeah.
hannibal buress
A podcast interview dropped a stock!
joe rogan
Is that what it was, a podcast?
hannibal buress
Yeah, the Ringer podcast.
joe rogan
The Ringer podcast.
It dropped the stock 3%.
You know how much money that must be?
For a giant company like Under Armour, 3%, that's a billion-dollar-plus company.
3% is probably tens of millions of dollars, right?
hannibal buress
It'll bounce back, though.
joe rogan
How much is the actual difference?
hannibal buress
Oh, it's down 44% since the start of the year.
unidentified
Oh!
hannibal buress
Oh, that's not good if it's already been sliding.
joe rogan
Yeah, there's a lot of issues with Under Armour and hunting, too.
A lot of people think that Under Armour is, uh, they're worried about their hunting division because, like, anti-hunters, they're like the only gigantic company that has the stones to support something that's as controversial as hunting.
jamie vernon
They haven't been around very long, though, either, right?
joe rogan
Under Armour?
jamie vernon
15 years, maybe?
joe rogan
I think it's a good question.
I think they're from the 90s.
jamie vernon
I read something.
Adidas started back a long, long time ago.
joe rogan
Oh, yeah.
jamie vernon
Two brothers, and that's where Puma started.
The two brothers started Adidas and Puma or something like that.
joe rogan
Adidas is from...
Remember Run DMC? My Adidas!
That's like...
1980-something.
jamie vernon
They're just now rebounding from the problems that Nike is.
joe rogan
Did you pee that quick?
You're a wizard.
How the hell did you do that?
hannibal buress
Listen, man.
joe rogan
You just gotta hatch, just open it up, just pour it out.
hannibal buress
I'm trying to be professional.
joe rogan
That's the craziest, fastest pee I've ever seen.
You've downed three waters since you've been here, man.
You like all this talk about these fighters dehydrating yourself.
You're like, fuck that.
hannibal buress
I don't have to live by those rules.
Nope, not in this game.
joe rogan
We were talking about Under Armour.
They have a hunting division, and they take a ton of shit.
Because I know there's a bunch of crowdfund things.
Not crowdfunds.
What are those things?
No, it wasn't a fun thing.
It was a crowd something or another.
They were going after Cameron Haynes.
Because they were calling him a trophy hunter, and they were trying to get Under Armour to drop him.
But then you look at how many people...
Their hunting division is this tiny division, and then Under Armour itself, the company, is just gigantic.
It's very interesting.
There's not a lot of companies that would be that big that would support hunting.
It takes a lot of balls.
hannibal buress
Yeah, that means the CEO is definitely into hunting and he's like, this is my buddy.
Yeah, exactly what it is.
joe rogan
Well, yeah, the owners.
And it's like, can you imagine if Nike got into hunting?
There's no way.
jamie vernon
Nike was in golf with Tiger Woods, and obviously he was a gigantic athlete for them, but now that he's not out there even playing golf, their golf division, I think they just closed it this year.
They don't even make anything anymore.
They might still make some clothes and some shoes.
They're putting golf spikes on the bottom of Jordans, but they don't make clubs or anything anymore, I think is what the...
joe rogan
Huh.
hannibal buress
They're just putting golf spikes on the bottom of Georgia.
Get some of those extra Georgians out there from the recall section and just throw some spikes on there and just get them out to the U.S. Open.
joe rogan
We were talking last night about rappers that get sponsored by shoe companies at the store.
I didn't know that rappers had contracts with shoe companies.
hannibal buress
For years!
joe rogan
Nike announces it will no longer make golf clubs, balls, and bags.
jamie vernon
We just said Adidas and Unrun DMC, they probably for sure had a contract.
hannibal buress
Jay-Z, 50 Cent, and Jay-Z had a commercial rapping back and forth with each other.
Kanye has his own shoe.
joe rogan
He has his own.
hannibal buress
Yeah, but he had it with Nike originally and then went to Adidas.
joe rogan
But it's only rappers.
Could you imagine if a comic Kevin Hart.
hannibal buress
Well, you have to go to the next absolute stratosphere as a comic.
Or, I mean, unless you really want to do it and do it on a small artisanal level, then you could do whatever you want to do.
joe rogan
Yeah, I guess, right?
That's a weird thing, though, that rappers get sponsored by shoe companies.
unidentified
Why?
joe rogan
Well, like Kendrick Lamar.
hannibal buress
Yeah.
joe rogan
He's got some sort of a shoe company thing, right?
hannibal buress
He's a popular person.
joe rogan
Huge.
hannibal buress
Yeah.
joe rogan
Right.
But does that guy work out?
hannibal buress
I think Kendrick probably works out.
joe rogan
Probably.
hannibal buress
A little bit.
Because, you know what?
Certain rappers, I can tell that they work out based on their show.
unidentified
Really?
joe rogan
Oh, because they have energy?
hannibal buress
Well, not even just energy, but...
If your songs and your lyrics are very dense, and you're rapping, that takes a lot of breath control and cardio, especially if you don't have a hype man on stage with you.
joe rogan
A hype man?
hannibal buress
A hype man is not just for energy, it's so you can catch your breath.
And so he'll take those last couple words on the line, and then you catch your breath, and then you come back.
Because a lot of people don't have...
The breath control.
So a lot of times, even if somebody's not ripped, they're in shape.
Their lungs are in shape.
If they can do a whole show of just, you know, kind of rapid fire songs and shit.
joe rogan
I never thought about that.
A hype man, huh?
hannibal buress
Yeah, that's what the hype man...
I mean, it's definitely they bring the energy up, but a lot of times, if you see a rapper...
And at their show and they don't have a hype man, they're like, you know, I could spit my own shit all the way.
I don't need a hype man.
joe rogan
Yeah.
Especially if they're fast with their lyrics, right?
hannibal buress
Yeah, and Kendrick doesn't, you know, he doesn't rap over his own beats.
That's a pet peeve of mine.
A lot of big rappers.
And they will just rap over the song, the actual song.
unidentified
Oh!
hannibal buress
At their own...
joe rogan
Lip-syncing almost.
hannibal buress
Pretty much.
Just rapping over the shit at their own concert.
Now, sometimes if, say, you pop up at somebody's show to do a guest spot as a rapper and you do your biggest song, this person's DJ doesn't have your instrumental.
He only has a regular track.
Didn't rap over that, but it's just show.
I don't want to hear you rap over that, because you're just rapping over this well-produced song.
I'd rather just hear this shit crispy in a club.
joe rogan
Right.
hannibal buress
Yeah.
joe rogan
Otherwise, you're just seeing their presence, and that's enough.
hannibal buress
Yeah, it's still fun, but it's just not...
When you know what the alternative is, which is you being a good, polished performer, then you're like, come on, man, just don't rap over your shit.
joe rogan
Yeah, that's a weird pop thing, right?
Pop singers are kind of allowed to do it, but we know they do it, but when they get busted, it's a huge deal.
Like, what was the girl?
Ashley, what the fuck's her name?
hannibal buress
Ashley Simpson.
joe rogan
That was a big disaster, right?
She kind of vanished after that.
jamie vernon
It's bad timing for that, too.
joe rogan
Bad timing?
jamie vernon
Yeah.
joe rogan
How so?
jamie vernon
She had a show.
They were trying to ramp her up on MTV like they were on the diary of everything.
joe rogan
Oh, yeah.
They pulled the plug on that fucker.
That's it for her.
hannibal buress
Yeah.
joe rogan
Ever heard about her again?
hannibal buress
Not really.
joe rogan
Not really, right?
hannibal buress
Saw her at a party.
joe rogan
That was like 15 years ago, right?
hannibal buress
At least.
joe rogan
Not 15. I think it might have been.
hannibal buress
No, it was like...
Easy 10. Easy 10?
Easy 10. I worked there in 2009, so it was a couple years before that.
I'm going to guess 06 for my...
joe rogan
I'm looking at 02. 2004. What is it?
jamie vernon
2004?
Oh, shit.
unidentified
Wow.
joe rogan
Yeah.
hannibal buress
Damn.
joe rogan
13 fucking years.
Time will fly.
unidentified
Yeah.
joe rogan
It does not wait for you.
If you're going to be a person who sings on stage and moves around on stage and you're not going to be going over your track, you have to be in some serious shape.
hannibal buress
Yeah, it's to put on a solid show.
unidentified
She promises new music in 2017. You just fucking re-broke Ashley Simpson.
joe rogan
Breaking her music now, letting everybody know.
hannibal buress
Where'd you find out?
joe rogan
Yeah, but this is December 14th, 2016. She promised it.
hannibal buress
Oh, shit.
jamie vernon
It hasn't come out yet.
joe rogan
She's 45 now.
Look at her.
She's got kids.
She teaches yoga.
hannibal buress
She found value in other things besides show business.
joe rogan
Sometimes you got to.
hannibal buress
Good for her.
joe rogan
It's probably a good move for some people, you know?
Just get out.
We were looking at, what the fuck's his name, Mick Jagger's routine.
Mick Jagger's 185 years old, and that dude works out twice a day.
He does yoga, he lifts weights, he has trainers.
He's just doing everything to try to keep his body together.
Like, hang in there, mate.
unidentified
I want to keep fucking supermodels.
joe rogan
Hang in there.
hannibal buress
Is this girl like 27?
joe rogan
Yeah, he's got like an 18-year-old girl.
hannibal buress
Oh, man!
joe rogan
I train five, six days a week, but I don't go crazy.
I alternate between gym work and dancing.
Then I do sprints, things like that.
I'm training for stamina.
He's shredded, though.
They had a picture of Mick Jagger, like his body.
jamie vernon
Eight miles a day.
joe rogan
Damn, he runs eight miles a day swimming, kickboxing, and cycling.
How old is he?
He's got to be like 72, right?
Let's take a guess.
How old do you think Mick Jagger is?
hannibal buress
Yeah, he's 70. I think 72 is good.
Yeah, 72, 73. I remember seeing something.
joe rogan
When we were kids, 72-year-olds were dead.
hannibal buress
Absolutely.
joe rogan
There was nothing left.
You were on empty.
Your body was falling.
74. Damn.
He's almost 80. He's almost 100 then.
How long is he going to live?
hannibal buress
Uh...
I don't know.
How old is Melanie Hamrick?
How old is Melanie?
joe rogan
Oh, is that his girlfriend?
Look at her.
Hot as fuck!
hannibal buress
Oh!
joe rogan
Born in 87!
hannibal buress
She's 30!
joe rogan
Oh!
Mick, you dirty dick!
She's just turned 30, and he knocked her up, right?
Didn't he shoot a live one in there?
hannibal buress
Yeah.
joe rogan
What are the odds that kid's gonna come out and not have superpowers?
benjamin jaffe
All this stuff that he's taken to stay young...
joe rogan
Wow, that's crazy.
30 years old.
hannibal buress
Here's what I want.
Maybe Mick Jagger because of...
joe rogan
That's the baby.
Giant head.
Look, the kid can read minds.
The kid's head's filled with vitamins and anti-aging serum.
hannibal buress
Look at her.
She's like, your daddy's 74. Your daddy's older than the president.
joe rogan
Yeah, we have to find you a positive role model because your daddy probably won't be around very much longer.
hannibal buress
Have you heard of Maroon 5 at all?
unidentified
Yeah.
joe rogan
When you're 74 and you're having a kid, that is super ambitious.
Like, you're optimistic as fuck to be 74 and have a kid.
hannibal buress
Yeah.
I'm 34 and I'm like, yo, I need to fuck it.
If I'm gonna have kids, I need to make something happen over the next couple years.
joe rogan
Yeah, it's a good move.
hannibal buress
Yeah, but I would never...
74?
A brand new one?
joe rogan
Yeah, that's super bold.
hannibal buress
I guess it's just like, you know.
joe rogan
You know who's got a great story about that?
You know Theo Vaughn?
Do you know Theo?
hannibal buress
Yeah.
joe rogan
Hilarious, dude.
He's fucking hilarious.
His dad was like in his 70s when he had him.
Oh.
And he's got hilarious stories about going to school and telling people that's his grandpa and being embarrassed that it's his dad.
That's fair.
Falling asleep everywhere.
hannibal buress
Sounds like fair behavior for a kid.
joe rogan
Who's Jade Jagger?
His first kid's 45. Jesus Christ!
hannibal buress
Oh, man.
joe rogan
His first kid could be his girlfriend's mom.
jamie vernon
He might have her.
hannibal buress
Oh, man.
joe rogan
Is he married to the girl?
The new girl?
No.
jamie vernon
It says spouse?
joe rogan
He's probably like, why not?
I'll get married.
Well, don't give a fuck.
Take my money.
jamie vernon
Martin's dead.
joe rogan
Partner.
Oh, partner.
Even better.
hannibal buress
Partner.
joe rogan
That's how you do it.
hannibal buress
It means I'm giving my money to my kids.
joe rogan
Partner means fool me twice, same on me.
Fool me three times.
I'm senile.
hannibal buress
Oh, man.
joe rogan
And I'll move in and collect on my estate.
jamie vernon
She's listed as lover.
joe rogan
Lover.
hannibal buress
Mick Jack's lover.
joe rogan
Isn't that funny that we have, like, distinctions?
Like, did you or did you not scribble on the paper?
hannibal buress
Did you scribble on the paper?
joe rogan
Or did you not agree to some stupid shit that doesn't make any sense financially?
Did you or did you not?
hannibal buress
Is your estate at stake with this relationship?
unidentified
Yes.
joe rogan
Is it or is it not?
Can you just shoot loads in her, random all willy-nilly, or...
Does she have access to half of your money?
Let me know.
hannibal buress
Nope, she doesn't.
joe rogan
Let me know.
What's going on?
What's the deal?
What kind of deal would you guys make?
That deal is just so weird.
I have a friend that is a super rich dude, and he was getting married, and his wife did not want a prenuptial.
And he was like, well, this is crazy.
Why wouldn't I get a prenuptial?
If we stay together...
Like, we don't have to worry about anything.
unidentified
Right.
joe rogan
Because, you know, you'll be fine.
You'll have plenty of money.
But if we break up, why would I be in a situation where you could get half my money?
hannibal buress
Yeah.
joe rogan
You don't think this relationship is going to last?
No, no.
I think it's going to last.
That's why I want a prenuptial, because it's not going to matter.
hannibal buress
Right.
And if it doesn't last, let's work out a side deal that is not half.
joe rogan
Yeah, you can't just hold that over me.
Like, well, his ex-wife held it over him.
Like, he didn't have a prenup.
And when they got divorced, it was a disaster.
And so then he was going into a second marriage, and this lady was like, I don't want a prenup.
And he was like, what?
I've already done this.
Get the fuck out of here.
hannibal buress
It's a tough combo.
joe rogan
Yeah, it's like if it works out, it works out.
hannibal buress
That's a heavy...
I've had some heavy combos in my life, but that's one of the ones where...
We've been kicking it for a couple years, but I don't want you to...
Just in case this goes poorly, let's just get this out of the way real quick.
joe rogan
Gotta be careful what stage of the relationship you do this to.
Because in the beginning, if you decide to get married after six months, you're on drugs.
You're blissed.
You're blissed out.
You can't believe the relationship's working so well.
It's amazing.
She's incredible.
She's my life.
She's my partner.
She's my soul.
She's my partner.
She's everything to me.
Then you just get sick of each other about two, three years in.
And what's that seven-year itch?
You know that seven-year itch?
hannibal buress
That's when she starts talking to a lawyer.
joe rogan
And she goes, okay, listen, let's just, if I get divorced now.
And then the lawyer goes, well, how much money is he making now?
Does he have any other financial opportunities that are on the table that could perhaps increase his wealth over the next few years?
Because you might want to hang in there for a few.
Start thinking about it mercenary-like.
Like if I just get to 11 years.
unidentified
If I get to 11 years, then he gets the CEO position.
joe rogan
And then he starts making X amount of money.
Sounds...
hannibal buress
Terrible.
Just the idea of living in a house with a woman and then she starts hating you or resenting you at some point and then starts plotting leaving while all just still living in the house.
Hey, honey, blah, blah, blah.
And then just going through the motions of what a marriage is supposed to be.
But secretly...
Going to end it, and she kind of knows exactly when she's going to end it.
That sounds terrifying.
joe rogan
It's terrifying, but it's also adorable.
It makes me laugh.
It makes me laugh because it's so silly.
Because it's such a human thing.
It's such a cultural and a human thing, and it's this weird lottery.
Like, this is the reason why men are attractive to women at all when they're really wealthy, if they're gross.
You know, if you see a gross dude, like, who's that guy?
Rupert Murdoch, the guy who owns Fox?
hannibal buress
Yeah.
joe rogan
He's like, he's old as fuck.
He's like, doesn't take care of his body.
He's kind of like, but he's got this hot wife.
Right, there's something there's something adorable about that because it's this weird human folly thing that we got going on.
hannibal buress
Yeah, provider and security and all that shit.
joe rogan
It's a little bit of that.
hannibal buress
Allure and power, blah blah blah.
joe rogan
But it's also a scam.
What's interesting is, a guy like that becomes attractive because he's wealthy, and the woman's not wealthy, right?
You gotta assume, if she was worth a billion dollars, he wouldn't be attractive.
She'd just start fucking her personal trainer, and I'll buy you a Ferrari, honey, eat mommy's pussy, you know, like that kind of shit.
But if you get to a situation where you find this old dude, and, you know, well, he's just really kind to me, and other young guys, they just want to have sex and leave me, and he just takes care of me.
And then, what is that?
jamie vernon
Secretary of the Treasury Munchin.
joe rogan
Oh, yeah, he's got a banging hot wife.
That's the lady that got in trouble because she was tweeting about all the different clothes and things she had on a government trip.
She's on a government jet and she's like tagging all the bags she wears and the shoes she wears and she's smoking and he looks like He looks like her dad, easily, right?
Doesn't he?
For sure.
hannibal buress
He's gross.
Twitter, when you think about how many people have lost jobs and money because of Twitter, it's really fascinating.
I've had a situation happen because of it, but nothing, I haven't done any, I haven't had a stupid-ass social media blowout.
But when you think about how Insane it is with that where this is a medium where you can literally control every single word you say and you still say some wild shit that cost you millions of dollars or cost you relationships.
Yeah!
joe rogan
Things that you would say around your friends you don't think twice about and you say it online.
What I was going to say about these rich women, though, is that when you're a wealthy man and the woman's not wealthy, the fact that you're wealthy is attractive.
But then, if she marries you, she's rich too now.
Now you're just a dude.
And now you're gross.
And now she wants to stay rich, so she has to just kind of hang in there.
hannibal buress
Are you talking me out of getting married?
joe rogan
Trying to.
unidentified
Trying to.
joe rogan
I always tell people...
One day it won't be around.
One day marriage won't be a thing.
It's gonna take time.
hannibal buress
You know what I spend my money on?
What?
I do random I was caught in a weird internet wormhole last week.
I was a little high on some Adderall.
joe rogan
High and on Adderall or high on Adderall?
hannibal buress
High on weed and on Adderall.
joe rogan
Jesus, what's that like?
hannibal buress
It's great, because you have the focus and energy of Adderall, but then the creativity of weed.
Yeah, it's a good combo.
joe rogan
Do you write like that?
Is that how you write?
hannibal buress
I was planning to write, but I just...
Just took some different turns on the internet than I would normally take.
I should have written.
But it's just, when you take Adderall, what you're supposed to do is, when you take it, you're supposed to get settled with what you want to work on right away.
And then when it kicks in, you'll focus in on it.
Versus, you know, I think when my shit kicked in, I was just on the internet, so I just really dug deep into the internet.
And so, there was this...
Article about this guy on this this comedian it has all these funny tweets and so I started looking at his tweets yeah good tweets and then one is tweet said uh I'm uh I'll help my friend go to wrestling school and it was this this young woman that uh wants to go to wrestling she wants to go to pro wrestling school and I went to WWE Smackdown a couple days prior so wrestling was kind of on my brain so She had a GoFundMe, and I just paid for her wrestling school.
Never met her in my life.
I ain't got no cars, Joe.
joe rogan
That's Adderall and weed.
hannibal buress
Just Adderall, weed, and disposable income.
And just pay for some random wrestling school.
joe rogan
Did you just Uber everywhere?
hannibal buress
Yeah, I rent cars some places.
But yeah, when I'm in LA, I Uber or Lyft around.
joe rogan
But like where you live?
hannibal buress
In Chicago, I'll get a rental.
But I'm not there that much.
Even though my residence is in Chicago now, I'm still...
You're on the road a lot.
And so for my own...
Frugality, I can't justify having a car yet.
joe rogan
That's interesting.
hannibal buress
I'm gonna get one.
I'm gonna break out of it.
My dad is super cheap, so that's just kind of his burden to me.
So I'm still...
Lightly extravagant and cheap and practical at the same time.
joe rogan
That looks like an extravagant watch.
What is that?
hannibal buress
This is a...
I don't know the name.
unidentified
It's beautiful.
hannibal buress
Barrera.
joe rogan
It's beautiful.
hannibal buress
I bought it because I was hyped before.
I was shopping before.
I did some shows at Radio City with Chappelle.
And so I was right before Soundcheck.
I was like, I need to buy a shirt.
I bought a nice shirt.
And then I was like, fuck it.
I'm going to get a nice watch.
And it wasn't...
It's not that crazy.
It was like...
700 bucks or some shit.
joe rogan
Oh, okay.
It's reasonable.
hannibal buress
Yeah, it's reasonable.
It's too much for a watch, but not any stupid...
joe rogan
See, that's the one thing that fucks me up about watches.
Like, if you told me that watch was 10 grand, I'd be like, oh, okay.
Like, it's the same thing.
It looks like it could be a 10 grand watch, right?
hannibal buress
Right.
joe rogan
Watches are weird like that, man.
hannibal buress
Watches are weird, but it just kinda, they pop on stage a little bit, and it's a bracelet with the tie.
joe rogan
Yeah.
Did you see that Floyd Mayweather watch?
We were talking about the LaFerrari that's all crystal, $600,000.
hannibal buress
It looks like some futuristic shit.
joe rogan
Yeah, it looks stupid.
hannibal buress
$600,000 on a watch.
joe rogan
$600,000.
hannibal buress
See, I could never...
joe rogan
Never.
hannibal buress
Yeah.
This is stupid.
Even still now, when I have this, I'd be like, $700 on this?
Jesus Christ.
unidentified
Guess we had to book that gig in Boise to cover this shit.
hannibal buress
Can't be doing this.
Gonna end up on 30 for 30 broke.
joe rogan
What kind of car are you gonna get?
hannibal buress
I like the Tesla.
joe rogan
Oh, okay.
You're gonna go electric.
hannibal buress
Yeah, I like just the...
joe rogan
What if you have to get out of town quick and you have to hope that there's electricity?
hannibal buress
Like, out of town quick?
joe rogan
Yeah, like, what if some shit goes down?
Like, what if there's some sort of an earthquake or something?
hannibal buress
I'll just get somebody else's car.
I mean, I got friends and shit.
And I'm sure they'll be leaving too.
joe rogan
Hop a ride.
The thing about Teslas it gets me, I love them.
I think they're great.
But you really can only drive them 250 miles.
I don't give a fuck what they say.
And even that, you better be driving slow.
Because if you're driving fast, or if you're driving in traffic...
Like, my business manager came out to Anaheim for the UFC. He drove from Hollywood to Anaheim.
And his shit was dead by the time he got to Anaheim.
hannibal buress
Oh, because there's traffic.
joe rogan
Yeah, so he was stuck in traffic.
hannibal buress
And there was no, like, shit off the road to charge up?
joe rogan
No, he had to find a super station, so you gotta go sit there for a half an hour at the super station, and when you do that, it fills up to like 75% or something like that.
hannibal buress
Oh.
Yeah, that part's a little weird.
For city driving, no.
Maybe I'll get a used car that's practical for the apocalypse.
joe rogan
Why don't you get, like, a hybrid?
hannibal buress
Like a Lexus hybrid?
joe rogan
Lexus hybrid, yeah.
Those are the shit.
And you can operate...
I think they have a switch where you could operate...
I know they have that for the Acura, the NSX, that new NSX. They have an all-electric mode where you could drive it totally electric.
hannibal buress
Okay.
joe rogan
Or you hit all the switches and it's...
hannibal buress
Yeah?
joe rogan
And then it's super fast.
Plus, it looks fresh.
hannibal buress
You know what, uh...
joe rogan
Yeah, there you go.
Lexus, Lexus Hybrid.
That's a badass car too, that coupe, because it's, um, it's sporty, but it's just understated enough where you're not driving a Ferrari or a Porsche or something like that, but it's a badass car.
That one right there, what is that, the LS... LCH? Yeah, it's a badass car.
hannibal buress
Yeah.
joe rogan
Yeah, baby.
That's what you need to get.
Get yourself one of those.
Look at that thing.
hannibal buress
That's slick.
That's pretty slick.
joe rogan
That's a wicked-looking car.
And you know what I like about Lexuses, man?
They just never break.
This is my second Lexus that I have right now, and I've never had a single fucking problem with them.
Those things just never break.
You just drive them.
They never go wrong.
unidentified
All right.
joe rogan
Customer service is fantastic.
They're the best customer service of any car I've ever had.
hannibal buress
Nice.
joe rogan
And they're flashy, but they're not impressing a rapper.
You know what I mean?
hannibal buress
You don't know what type of rapper, though.
joe rogan
Yeah, that's true.
Right.
It was like...
hannibal buress
Yeah.
joe rogan
Like De La Soul, they're probably impressed.
hannibal buress
De La Soul, you know.
unidentified
Young Jeezy might be like, look at the looks.
hannibal buress
You know what I did this week?
I... I donated some money to Red Cross for the Houston thing.
joe rogan
People get mad at you for that.
hannibal buress
And then I remembered right away about the Red Cross shit.
It was like a knee-jerk donation.
I donated to Houston Food Bank also.
But then I remembered about the shit with how they handled the Haiti funds and Katrina.
And then I emailed, because it was through Amazon Payments.
I was like, hey, uh...
Can I get that money back, please?
I want to just give it to some other sources.
joe rogan
Oh, did you really?
hannibal buress
I haven't got a response yet, but it was one of the weirdest, top ten weird emails I've sent when I asked for a donation back.
joe rogan
Yeah, that's slippery, right?
hannibal buress
I want it back, though.
Because I don't...
Because they are...
I think it'd be better for some organizations on the ground.
This is one, Texas, the Texas diaper.
Because they need diapers.
And they're based in San Antonio.
So you can just send...
I just went on Amazon and just sent...
A grand worth of diapers.
Just because that made me feel good because it's super specific and you can't really get too fraudulent with diapers.
joe rogan
That's a good way of looking at it.
hannibal buress
Like with product, you just send the product.
I mean, maybe somebody, worst case scenario, somebody steals it.
But for the most part...
If you send in a helpful product, that money, that shit's getting broken up.
Some of that shit go into the mortgage, some of that shit go into, like, ink.
joe rogan
Yeah, it's weird because I guess effective charities have operating costs.
There's no way around it.
hannibal buress
People gotta get paid.
joe rogan
Yeah, people have to get paid.
You have to pay for logistics and planning.
And the Red Cross obviously does a lot of good.
There's no doubt they do a lot of good, and people just get mad at the accounting thing, like how much of the money goes.
On it, we donated money to the Red Cross for Hurricane Harvey, and people were like, yeah, the fucking Red Cross is a terrible place to donate money.
Okay, you want to say that, right?
People want to say that.
What's the best thing to donate money?
I'd like to know what the best thing to donate for Harvey is.
hannibal buress
I did Houston Food Bank.
I did that Texas diaper thing.
joe rogan
Houston Food Bank sounds like a good one.
hannibal buress
J.J. Watt.
Has one, the guy he plays for Houston, Texas.
There's a few other ones that are on the ground and in Houston or in the area where Red Cross is, you know.
I mean, obviously, I know they have people on the ground, but it's pretty general.
joe rogan
Yeah, they handle a lot of different things.
But they do a lot of good, too.
There's no denying that the Red Cross does a lot of good.
But that whole accounting thing, people get mad.
It's funny, man.
There's a lot of people just waiting to get mad at something.
Even get mad at where you're donating your money.
hannibal buress
Well, I think it's just...
I think the issue more is that from the little research I did on it, that Red Cross hasn't had full transparency.
Right.
I think people want to know if you give a dollar to Red Cross, what percentage goes to this, what percentage goes to this, what percentage goes to this.
And I don't think they offer that and that makes people feel like they're getting shiested.
joe rogan
Do you think that's because they've been around so long?
The like Red Cross has been around for like how many years?
Like a hundred years probably something, right?
And like wasn't until the internet came along that these questions even came up but that people demanded transparency probably on a regular basis.
hannibal buress
I think it's just because there haven't been that many results from the Haiti earthquake where people don't see tangible results.
And I know I donated a bunch on the phone texting to, you know, I don't know why Clef was doing Red Cross thing, if he was doing something separate.
But I texted a lot, just donate when that happened.
And so I think it's just when people don't see results for their money, it's just like, you know, they want to, especially if you're just trying to help something.
And I think that's what makes it worse for people where if you're trying to help and you donate the money to help and you don't really see the results of it, then you're like, what the fuck?
joe rogan
Yeah, the Haiti thing is...
It's almost like the infrastructure was so fucked up and there was so much damage done down there that you would need untold billions of dollars to fix everything.
It's like when you donate millions, it's like you're barely even going to see any results.
I wonder how much...
How much damage was actually done to Haiti?
You've got to wonder about Houston.
I mean, they're talking about Houston being just catastrophic to the point where some places are never going to recover.
hannibal buress
It's pretty messed up, man.
joe rogan
It's raining there right now.
It's still raining.
hannibal buress
And they were saying about how the constant development that they've been doing there Was part of the reason why the flood hit harder because they developed on prairie grass or certain land where this land might have soaked up some of that.
I mean, it probably would have still flooded, but it might have been less severe if there wasn't these acres and acres of new development.
joe rogan
Yeah, I saw that, where they're saying that by paving over these areas, those areas can no longer absorb the water.
But it seems like you're talking about, did you ever see the graphic that shows the difference between the amount of water that rained down on Hurricane Katrina versus the amount of water that rained down so far on Harvey, not even including today, and it's going to rain apparently tomorrow too, I think?
Shit.
It's so much more water than Katrina.
Look at the difference.
14 to 15 trillion gallons as of August 28th.
And what is today?
The 29th?
The 30th?
Today's the 30th.
So that's two days ago of rain, and then Katrina's only 6.5 trillion gallons.
I mean, that's amazing.
hannibal buress
I mean, I'm sure it's people that dedicate their lives to this, but...
How do you count that?
joe rogan
They're out there with scoops and shit, measuring.
hannibal buress
That's a good point.
Come on, man.
How the fuck do you know?
Come on, man.
Beyond, like, oil drums, you really...
joe rogan
Yeah.
hannibal buress
Come on.
How do you really know?
It definitely looks like a lot, and I hope...
joe rogan
Seems like a lot of water.
hannibal buress
Everybody is alright?
joe rogan
Yeah, well, you know, one of the things that I love about tragedies is when people come together and help each other out.
And one of the things is there was a line of fishing boats, of dudes pulling fishing boats to go and rescue people.
It was like a whole line on the highway of dudes with trucks pulling fishing boats and they were dropping them off and they were driving their boat, rather, riding their boat down these flooded roads and rescuing people and bringing them to safety.
That kind of shit makes me so happy.
That's one of the fucked up things about people.
Sometimes a bad thing makes people see the good in people.
It makes people do good things.
hannibal buress
Definitely.
But how insane of just a juxtaposition does it have to be?
Like you in your crib just watching a show on Sunday, relaxing, and then a few days later...
You have to be saved by boat.
From this place where you usually just walk out and get the mail.
joe rogan
Yeah.
hannibal buress
You have to...
Somebody has to pull up with a boat.
That's insane.
joe rogan
They say this is a once-every-500-year storm, too.
But how the fuck do they know that?
500 years ago, people wrote shit down on Bark.
You know, they showed, like, raindrops and skulls.
What is that?
People with a jet ski in their house?
hannibal buress
Somebody saved her with a jet ski.
joe rogan
Wow.
hannibal buress
Um...
Yes.
joe rogan
My friend's grandmother being jet-ski'd out of her living room in Houston.
hannibal buress
What about y'all, though?
joe rogan
Wow, that house is fucked.
There's a lot of fucked houses.
The other thing about Houston, too, is Houston is so damp.
Like, Houston in the summertime is so moist.
It means they're going to have crazy mold growth.
Their mold is going to be off the charts, and that shit makes people sick as fuck.
I've had a friend in Austin.
His house had to be gutted because he was getting sick and they couldn't figure out what was wrong.
And they came in and did some sort of a test of the air and they're like, dude, your house is infested.
And so they broke down his walls.
Apparently there was some pipe leakage or something inside the wall and then just the general moisture of the air.
The entire walls were filled with this black mold and it was getting everybody sick.
hannibal buress
Shit.
That shit is gross.
unidentified
Yeah.
joe rogan
Mold is no joke, man.
That black mold stuff can really fuck you up.
If you're feeling shitty and your house has mold in it, you got to do something about that because there's something going on there.
You're literally being poisoned by your house.
hannibal buress
Damn.
joe rogan
That Tom Lycus dude had that going on, too, in LA. He had to get his house gutted.
He was feeling sick for like a year, and then finally did something about it.
Found out his house was filled with molds.
They tear it down to the raw frame of the house and have to spray everything with this antifungal shit and redo the whole house again.
hannibal buress
Shit.
How long was he out of the house?
joe rogan
Like over a year.
jamie vernon
How is this?
joe rogan
Did he say that?
jamie vernon
I'm reading a little article on it.
It says black mold.
joe rogan
Yeah.
jamie vernon
Yeah, it just said it really hit his voice hard, fucked up his health.
joe rogan
It's no joke, man.
I mean, you breathe in these little organisms.
I mean, spores are these little...
When you're thinking about mold, it's like a fungus, right?
Wouldn't you consider mold a fungus?
Is that what it is?
jamie vernon
Spores, yeah, yeah.
joe rogan
That shit is in the air, and it's poison.
So you're basically breathing in toxic poison all the time.
hannibal buress
Yeah.
That shit is...
I couldn't imagine that shit, man.
joe rogan
To you living in Chicago, you don't care about winters?
Doesn't bother you?
You can live anywhere.
hannibal buress
I work around it.
joe rogan
Work around it.
So in the winter time, you're like, yeah, Hannibal's not in town.
Doing gigs in Florida.
hannibal buress
Yeah, I book myself like that during the winter in Cali and Arizona, Texas, Florida, etc.
And then, if I do a run...
And I'm scheduled to come back, but I don't have any actual thing to do in Chicago that I need to be there for.
I check the weather and if that shit's like under 25, then I just chill where I'm at.
Just, I just, I look and that's crazy.
unidentified
Fuck that.
hannibal buress
And I call down to the front desk and say, extend for two days, please.
Oh, that's a good move.
joe rogan
And you just hang out wherever you're at.
hannibal buress
Just hang out wherever, man.
Or go to some other warm place for a couple.
That's how, I mean, this is my first time being back for a full winter, so that's how I handled it this time.
joe rogan
Dude, you're living the life.
hannibal buress
It's nice, man.
joe rogan
You're living a nice life.
hannibal buress
I rent my place out.
It's an apartment building.
I rent it out when I'm not there.
joe rogan
Oh, do you really?
Oh, you are frugal.
Do you have people living in your house?
Do you know these people?
hannibal buress
No.
joe rogan
Wow.
hannibal buress
Airbnb.
I don't have like stuffed stuff there.
I'm pretty bare bones when I travel and shit.
Just a few t-shirts, jeans, a couple things.
joe rogan
So your apartment in Chicago, you don't keep a lot of shit there?
hannibal buress
I keep just the basic stuff, TV and whatever you need if you're a traveling person if you be there.
joe rogan
Wow.
hannibal buress
And then I stay.
When I get back, it's three of them.
I stay in whichever one is open.
I block out a couple days.
joe rogan
Oh, you have three apartments?
hannibal buress
Yeah.
It's in one building, yeah.
joe rogan
That's weird.
Three apartments in one building?
Why'd you decide to do that?
hannibal buress
I mean, I got it as an investment property.
I plan on getting a separate place to stay in, but that's where I stay now, is when I'm there, because I'm not there that much.
joe rogan
That's a slick move.
hannibal buress
Do I sound like a weird, crazy, cheap person right now?
joe rogan
No, you sound weird.
I wouldn't say cheap, because you do have a $700 watch.
I would say frugal.
Frugal's the right way to approach this.
Yeah.
Why not?
I mean, having them sitting around not generating any income doesn't do anybody any good.
hannibal buress
Absolutely not.
I think it would drive me crazy.
joe rogan
Yeah.
So you're doing the right thing.
hannibal buress
It's alright, man.
I was at this festival called Afropunk in New York.
unidentified
What's that?
hannibal buress
It's a music festival and it's just a beautiful festival.
It's all black artists and it's great.
And people dress up in the wildest outfits.
It's a fun time, man.
I met the people that put it on.
I met them a few years back.
They used to come to my show at Knitting Factory in Brooklyn.
Jocelyn and Matthew.
Dope people.
Backstage, uh, chilling.
I was there with a friend.
Somebody introduced me to this lady.
She says, oh, I, uh, she has, you know, an industry job.
Oh, I work here and blah, blah, blah.
We'd love to have you in.
And I say, sure, you know, that sounds good.
I'd like to do that.
It sounded like an interesting thing to do.
And so she hands me her phone.
And I put in my email and my assistant's email and then give her the phone back.
And she was like, you not going to give your number?
I take that as a sign of disrespect.
I'm an OG in this game.
And I was super high at this point.
And I was like, what is happening right now?
joe rogan
She took it as a sign of disrespect that you didn't give her your number?
hannibal buress
Yeah, because I guess she deals with lots of famous people or some shit.
So the fact that I just gave her emails, she just...
I never met...
I met this woman 90 seconds prior to this part of the interview.
It was so...
And I'm like, what?
And I was so high, too.
But I'm like, is this really...
What's happening right now?
I really wanted to work with you and I just gave you the info to get in touch with me.
joe rogan
Yeah, why do we have to talk on the phone?
That's less effective.
hannibal buress
And so I'm like, what is happening?
And then so she goes on about that.
joe rogan
She went on about it for how long?
hannibal buress
Not that long.
But then she tried to continue the conversation after it's obvious that her vibe has changed.
She went from a, hey, what's up tonight?
Yeah, to a very dry, oh, so.
joe rogan
Oh, wow.
hannibal buress
And so she continued the conversation.
joe rogan
That's not good.
hannibal buress
In this kind of dry, weird way.
Where she said, oh, so you're about to go on this tour with Naj and Lauryn Hill.
How do you approach the shows differently?
But it's obvious that she's just kind of asking it.
joe rogan
She's upset at you.
hannibal buress
Yeah, and so then I just answered it.
And then she pulls out her phone, and she's like, oh, my friend's over there.
And then she...
She goes like this, like Norman, and then I just said, alright, I'm out of here.
I just walked off somewhere else.
But then, it was such a weird experience that the comedian in me was hoping she was doing some weird Andy Kaufman bit.
joe rogan
Was that intense?
hannibal buress
It was just super weird because everybody else was really chill.
I wasn't even having any networking discussions with people like that there.
And everybody else was really chill.
I'm talking to other people.
Did that really happen?
So I saw her later.
A couple hours later, I said, were you doing a bit?
Was that a joke?
unidentified
Ha ha!
hannibal buress
And then she tried to play it like she was, but I could tell she was like, I had to check you.
Like, check me for what?
I gave you mine.
And so, but she was really...
joe rogan
Collecting people.
That's what she's really into.
hannibal buress
Also, she was interacting with me based on who else she's dealt with in her past versus just interacting with me as an individual.
So she was just super salty.
It's so ironic that at this beautiful black festival, the only person being weird backstage is a white woman in her 40s.
joe rogan
Taking it as a sign of disrespect.
hannibal buress
It was crazy.
joe rogan
You must have felt, as soon as she said that, like, oh, this definitely was the right move not to give you my number, because you're fucking crazy.
hannibal buress
It was just more like, I was wondering, then after, I was like, was my...
Because sometimes I give random people my number all the time.
Like random girls and shit.
I've given...
But I don't know what...
I don't know.
Maybe something in my instinct...
Instinct.
joe rogan
You knew it.
hannibal buress
Just gave it to her.
unidentified
Yeah.
hannibal buress
But I've given people my email before too.
But it was just...
It was just...
Especially since I was super high, I was like, what the fuck is happening?
joe rogan
Well, see, the thing is, for business, though, email is the best way to contact people.
Like, 100%.
hannibal buress
Yeah, you can email somebody at 3 in the morning, it's nothing.
joe rogan
Well, yeah, not only that, like, you can, like, if you say, hey, we're trying to work out the logistics for this thing in February, between February 2nd and 4th, tell us your availabilities, so then you can sit in front of your computer and look at my calendar.
hannibal buress
February 4th is my birthday, actually.
joe rogan
Hey, happy birthday.
hannibal buress
Thanks, man.
joe rogan
You can look at that shit and you can go, oh, okay, well, here's what I've got, and you can, it's clear, it's more, it's, Having a conversation over the phone, then I gotta remember.
I gotta write it down.
Hold on, let me get a piece of paper.
Or let me dictate it into my phone.
That's less effective.
hannibal buress
Yeah.
Crazy bitch.
joe rogan
Crazy fucking bitch.
hannibal buress
She's crazy.
Yeah.
It was insane, man.
joe rogan
There's crazy people out there, man.
I've met men and women that do that.
They want your number, and if you don't want to give them your number, they get upset.
Well, this reason why you're getting upset is the very reason why I don't want to give my number.
Because we should be in each other's lives.
Yeah, you're too excited about getting my number.
If someone's that excited about getting your number, you shouldn't give them your number.
That's what I think.
hannibal buress
Yeah, she started name-dropping and shit.
joe rogan
Fuck that.
As soon as they start name-dropping.
hannibal buress
She named-dropped a second time.
I've done stuff.
I've put on events for Obama.
joe rogan
Okay, that's cool.
Call Obama right now.
Wake him up.
hannibal buress
That's cool.
That's really great that you did that.
joe rogan
I've done events for Obama.
Did Obama give you his number?
You crazy asshole.
Like Obama's giving out.
unidentified
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
joe rogan
Text me anytime.
No matter what's going on with the 7 billion people in the world that I'm handling.
hannibal buress
Yeah.
Well, maybe she's a troll and she knew that she was becoming a podcast story.
Is she that?
I like to make people, sometimes I like to make people more calculated than they are.
joe rogan
That's like some Illuminati shit.
That's like some 3D chess.
hannibal buress
I don't think so.
joe rogan
No, I don't think so.
I think she's just a crazy lady.
hannibal buress
Just a weird show business lady.
joe rogan
No, just a crazy lady.
hannibal buress
Yeah.
joe rogan
Have you completely moved past all the Cosby shit or do you still take grief for that?
hannibal buress
Not grief, no.
joe rogan
Well, now you're vindicated.
hannibal buress
I was, instead of grief, it was just where I would be forced to talk about it in situations I didn't want to.
And also, it came out, the joke, and that video came out right before we were starting the rollout for my Comedy Central TV show.
And we actually, we push back My announcement, because that news was that crazy that we pushed it back by maybe, we pushed it back, the premiere announced by a month or two.
unidentified
Wow.
hannibal buress
Because it was that.
And so, even though I had my Comedy Central deal in place, since 2012, I had an all-around Comedy Central deal.
And so then, when that came out, and then I got my show, well, then my show It was scheduled to go on the air.
It looked like, oh, he did the Cosby joke, and then he got the TV show.
It's like, no, man, this is like my fourth development deal, and this is finally the show that I got on.
joe rogan
Isn't it funny how things like that work?
unidentified
Yeah.
hannibal buress
So that was the thing where instead of...
Instead of just having this show that I was able to...
It was this energy around it, you know, in 2005, July.
Like, yeah, all early 2005. It was this energy around it where if I was going to do press around that time, they were definitely going to...
joe rogan
What year was it?
hannibal buress
This was 2015, two years ago.
You said 2005. Sorry, yeah, 2015. And that show in Philly was October 2014. So...
Yeah, it just kind of really affected the energy around it.
And my want and eagerness to do a lot of press just because I knew it was going to happen.
joe rogan
You knew it was going to come up.
hannibal buress
Yeah, and I was just like, I was...
So, that was that.
I'm not saying that that's the reason my show's not on anymore at all.
Just before people were like, your show sucked!
That's why I said...
joe rogan
Did you like doing the show?
hannibal buress
I did like aspects of it.
I like the activity part of it, where there's always something to do.
You know what I mean?
If you're the face of a show, you gotta write, you gotta edit, you gotta get the writers to do stuff, you gotta deal with costumes, and it's always a task to do.
So I like just the...
I know for that, whatever...
What?
Three, four month period, I was never bored during that time.
When I do movies, I'm hella bored.
joe rogan
Yeah.
hannibal buress
Yeah.
Just because you just sit around and you go say some stuff.
joe rogan
It's like baseball.
hannibal buress
It's absolutely baseball.
It's absolutely baseball.
If you talk about a 12-hour day that you spend on a movie shoot, it's actually, for me...
45 minutes, an hour of actual acting and shit.
And I mean, well, with me, maybe 10 minutes of actual acting because I'm not a good actor at all.
I'm just saying words.
But yeah, shit is just...
Mind-numbly boring.
But the finished product is cool to see and it's dope to be a part of.
But when doing it, the director has a lot to do.
He's moving around and he's got a lot of shit to do.
But yeah, doing it, that shit is boring.
joe rogan
It's very boring.
There's no other way to do it though, it seems like.
It's always that way.
hannibal buress
I think it depends on the budget of it.
When they got money to burn, Then they got time to burn also.
But if you're doing an indie movie, then they gonna keep that shit moving.
I did this one movie, Band of Robbers, that's on Netflix.
We were active on that.
It's Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn, but in real time.
Like in current time.
Yeah, so I did that.
And that was, I played a few scenes in that, but it was quick.
It was no wasted days.
You know, sometimes you go to a movie set, they go, yeah, get here at nine o'clock in the morning.
You get there, go through the whole shit, get your hair, makeup, get your clothes on.
And...
joe rogan
Sit around.
hannibal buress
And just sit for a full...
I've sat for four days.
unidentified
Yeah.
hannibal buress
Like, full days and then do...
Like, what was the plan?
What the fuck was the plan?
joe rogan
Yeah.
They just want you there in case they get through a scene.
They can move on to the next one.
unidentified
How did you not even do anything?
hannibal buress
Were you like, no, we're not gonna...
You're not...
No, you're good for the day, for the whole day.
Who planned this out?
joe rogan
Now, when you were doing your TV show, how many months did it?
You said you did it for like four months?
hannibal buress
Eight episodes.
So it was two months of shooting and then a month or a couple months of pre-pro.
Yeah.
joe rogan
And you enjoyed it?
hannibal buress
I did enjoy it.
I just, yeah, I enjoyed it.
I want to do a, I'll probably do something on TV next year again, do a show once I get the idea right and figure out exactly.
joe rogan
You think you do Comedy Central again?
Comedy Central needs a show.
They need something.
hannibal buress
I'll do somewhere.
I'm going to do what the best choice is.
I had a good relationship over there still.
But we'll see.
We'll see what it is.
joe rogan
It's so hard to do those things because you've got to deal with so many other people.
You've got so many different cooks in the kitchen, executives, all these different people hanging around.
unidentified
Yeah.
hannibal buress
That's one part.
I mean, they were pretty chill.
They were...
It was...
It'll be weird aspects and just weird things that you think, you care about this?
It'll be a weird line.
Why do you give a shit about this line so much?
But they'll let other shit go, but it'll sometimes give notes on something that seemed pretty insignificant to me.
joe rogan
Yeah, I think a lot of times they just want to justify their existence.
They want to justify their paycheck and have some sort of a point of view, even if it doesn't make any sense.
They just want to add to it.
Tweak it a little bit.
That was my idea.
You see how Hannibal took his hat off and made that little nod?
That was my idea.
hannibal buress
Yeah, conference calls is the word because everybody feels the need to chime in on a call.
I've been on conference call.
I'm like, why am I on this call?
I don't know if I've had a conference call where it just felt really good.
Where I was like, that was a good conference call.
Glad I did that shit.
joe rogan
Never.
I had a conference call once and I canceled a show.
I was supposed to do a Comedy Central stand-up special on the old regime, and we had a conference call, and they had a transcript of my set, and they were going over the material, and they're like, well, you definitely can't talk about this, and you can't say this, and you can't say it.
We got like five minutes into the conversation, and I go, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.
I'm out.
I go, I'm not doing this.
And they went, what?
I go, I'm not doing this.
I don't want to do this.
There's no way.
I go, you guys are butchering everything.
I go, this is my act.
You know what my act is.
You want to cut things out and change things.
There's no way.
This is not happening.
hannibal buress
And you just bailed.
joe rogan
Yeah, I said, thank you, though.
Appreciate it.
hannibal buress
And then did they- They were stunned.
joe rogan
It was one of those stunned conversations.
Like, what?
I was like, yeah, I'm not doing this.
hannibal buress
It's not happening.
Did they flip, though?
joe rogan
No, no way.
hannibal buress
It was just a straight up?
joe rogan
Yeah, I was like, we're going somewhere else.
unidentified
This is crazy.
joe rogan
It was one of those conversations where they were super resistant to controversial shit.
This is a few years back.
I wish I could remember.
hannibal buress
Late 90s?
joe rogan
No, no.
2005-ish.
Six-ish.
I wound up doing actually a series, a special on Netflix that went to Showtime.
That was 2005. So that's where I wound up doing it.
But the conversation on the phone was just like, what?
Like they were going over the material.
No, okay, we're going to have an issue with this.
You can't say that.
You definitely can't say this.
I was like, this is just...
Doing those specials on TV, it's such a bad idea anyway, because they're always all broken up, you know?
hannibal buress
Yeah.
Yeah.
Especially for...
Stories, I did my first two with Comedy Central, and they were...
joe rogan
Did they break up your stories?
hannibal buress
They broke up a story, a longer story in my second one, if I'm not mistaken.
But they're on Netflix now, and they're full.
But yeah, I mean, that's how they pay me, is that they fucking sell Axe Body Spray.
I gotta take another piss real quick.
I've been drinking too much water.
unidentified
Go ahead, man.
joe rogan
Drink four bottles of water.
You might be the new water champ.
jamie vernon
It's hot as shit outside, too, also today.
joe rogan
It is.
jamie vernon
Like 110. Yeah, it's crazy hot.
It's hot in here, too.
joe rogan
It's so hot that I went running, and it was burning the bottom of my feet through those five-finger shoes.
You know, I wear those really thin trail running shoes, those Vibrams that everybody tells me are gonna kill me.
People act like you're gonna die if you wear those things.
I tell people I'm wearing, did you see the class action lawsuit?
Don't you understand?
These things are terrible for you, bro.
They're not.
It's just your body is used to wearing a cast on your feet.
Listen, to everybody that's worried about those things, I swear if you just use those things and walk for a while and then wear them a little bit and then eventually build up to running with them, you'll be fine.
But you have to strengthen your feet.
Neil Brennan said he got plantar fasciitis from running on a treadmill.
unidentified
What?
joe rogan
With those things on.
Yeah, with those Vibram five-finger shoes.
hannibal buress
Are those the ones that really stick to your feet, like webbing?
joe rogan
Little toe shoes.
hannibal buress
Yeah.
joe rogan
Yeah, I run with those.
And they're better for your feet.
It's like your foot has to be strong because most of the time when you're running, you're running with running shoes on.
If you see the average pair of running shoes, they have a thick heel.
And what happened is Nike, I think in the 70s, whenever they came out with these things...
They literally changed the way people run because people started running and landing with their heel because that's where the big cushion is.
So it changed the gait, the natural human gait.
And it put way more pressure on your knees and people started developing all these issues because of that.
The real way to run is you're supposed to run on the forefoot, like landing on the ball of the foot and let the natural structure of your foot decelerate your stride.
That's what you're supposed to do.
But most people's feet are not conditioned for that because we wear these thick-ass sneakers everywhere.
And those things act as...
It's like we're in a cast everywhere.
That's how it's been described to me.
So over the last four or five months, I've been running with what they call minimalist shoes.
So there's almost no cushioning at all.
It's very thin.
And I was saying that it's so hot out that I was running in these things and the bottom of my feet got hot.
hannibal buress
Yeah.
joe rogan
Just from running on the ground.
The ground was so hot.
hannibal buress
Was it starting to melt or something?
joe rogan
I could feel it.
I could feel the heat through the bottom of my feet.
It was hurting.
It was actually like burning the bottom of my foot.
Which, by the way, people, if you have dogs, be super fucking careful your dog's outside.
Because you're walking your dog on concrete, you can easily burn the shit out of your dog's paws.
jamie vernon
Did you see this the other day?
I just looked a little bit into it.
They're painting different sections of asphalt, I guess, here with, I don't know if it's like white or something.
joe rogan
Yeah, it's a heat-absorbing color instead of like black asphalt because black asphalt apparently just absorbs the heat and reflects the heat.
jamie vernon
And radiates it around.
Yeah.
This is dropping like 10 to 15 degrees almost immediately.
I was already got 12 degrees just after one coat.
joe rogan
Yeah, I've seen that.
That's amazing.
hannibal buress
That's great.
jamie vernon
This is insane, although as hot as I saw in one article, but it was like 120 degrees.
It was getting some places like off Sunset Boulevard in LA, like just the middle of the day when it's like 85 outside, 90 degrees outside.
joe rogan
Makes sense.
jamie vernon
It's really, really extra hot.
joe rogan
Yeah, it totally makes sense.
Yeah.
jamie vernon
And all of LA is asphalt, basically, too.
joe rogan
Yeah.
Paint that shit, stupid.
hannibal buress
Yeah.
jamie vernon
This would change.
Maybe.
Maybe a little bit on your feet.
joe rogan
Oh, yeah.
jamie vernon
But you're running on dirt.
joe rogan
I'm running on dirt.
I'm running on hills.
But, uh, it was so hot.
It was the first time it's ever, like, burned the bottom of my feet.
Like, I could feel it.
It was hot.
I was like, Jesus.
hannibal buress
Yeah.
I'm not a, uh, I don't really jog, but I'm a good judge of form.
joe rogan
Are you?
hannibal buress
I judge people form.
joe rogan
You'd be like a running coach.
hannibal buress
I don't know if I could coach, but I could just, I could definitely tell you when you're wrong.
Because I see some people like, mm, too heavy-footed.
joe rogan
Heavy-footed is bad.
Most people are running on their heels.
I see people running, and I'm like, wow.
It's crazy when you look around, too.
You look around at how many people are wearing shoes with elevated heels, you're like, wow.
That's kind of nuts.
It's kind of nuts how many people just got accustomed to wearing those kind of sneakers and running.
jamie vernon
People are running basketball shoes or something, too, and it's like you probably shouldn't be doing that.
joe rogan
I think you'd be better off with that than you are with running shoes.
Just don't land that way.
Just don't land on your heel.
If you land on the ball, your feet, basketball shoes, I think, should be fine.
But what the fuck do I know?
But, you know, I'm running with some really...
I run only with those five-finger shoes now.
Or with...
I wear these Morels, too.
They're called Vapor or something.
They're real thin, too.
Minimalist.
hannibal buress
Do people ever try to...
You're running, but people probably still will attempt to stop you while you jog, right?
joe rogan
Yeah, but I don't.
You can't.
unidentified
Yeah, you can't engage.
joe rogan
That's so crazy.
Like, I'm in the middle.
You're literally going to interrupt a workout.
I've had people come up to me when I'm on a treadmill before.
Like, hey man, can I get a photo with you?
Like, definitely not now.
You can have a mouthful of food.
You could be eating food.
I was cutting food up for my daughter, and this lady asked me for a picture.
I was like, are you crazy?
I'm feeding my kid.
People just don't give a fuck.
They want to adorn their Facebook with someone that they saw on TV once.
It's weird, man.
hannibal buress
Not even printing it up!
joe rogan
They don't care.
hannibal buress
Not even really printing it, usually.
joe rogan
Well, they don't even want it that much.
It's just like they have a phone, and it's like if you have a gun, you want to pull the trigger.
You have a phone, you want to take a picture.
Like, how many people do you see at the 4th of July taking videos of fireworks?
You are never going to watch that fucking video.
Who the hell is going to watch a fireworks video?
How sad does your life have to get where you don't have anything better to do than be sitting there watching little lights go off on your foreign screen?
hannibal buress
Hey man.
Airport layoffs are real, dawg.
joe rogan
Is that what you do?
When you're sitting there?
hannibal buress
I'm just thinking for, you know, the person that did it, you know, when you, like, say you gotta lay over in Salt Lake City, you delayed about five hours?
joe rogan
You should go through your videos and delete all the fireworks once.
hannibal buress
Yeah, just do some cleaning up.
joe rogan
Yeah, you're eating up a lot of gigabytes.
hannibal buress
You are.
When you look at it, you realize how much bullshit is on there.
joe rogan
Do you put shit in the cloud?
hannibal buress
Yeah.
joe rogan
Do you do?
unidentified
Ooh.
hannibal buress
I shouldn't know.
I know.
Even when I do it, I'm like, eh.
But it's nothing too...
joe rogan
Too risque?
hannibal buress
There's a couple risque things up there.
But my face isn't in there.
That's one thing.
That's one rule.
unidentified
Just your dick.
hannibal buress
All dick.
joe rogan
No face.
jamie vernon
I asked a friend this yesterday.
Let's say Amazon started a Gmail competitor.
Would you not just jump over, but wouldn't it be a good thing maybe to just start fresh with all your email and be like, ah, what do I need that's 20 years old in my email or 15 years old?
joe rogan
Oh yeah, for sure.
jamie vernon
Get it out of here.
joe rogan
I don't want to see it.
If I look at my email on a daily basis, 9 out of 10 things I get are bullshit.
9 out of 10. One out of ten, I need, and those people, I would just give my new email address anyway.
Like, Ari did that pretty recently.
Ari just changed his email.
I'm like, it's a good move.
I changed your phone.
I changed my phone.
That's a good move, too.
Having more than one phone is a good move, too.
Having a phone for people like that fucking lady at that thing who wanted your number.
hannibal buress
I got that phone.
I just don't know that number by heart.
I got two other numbers.
I don't know them by heart.
joe rogan
Yeah, I just remembered my number right now by heart, and I'm about to change it again.
hannibal buress
Yeah?
joe rogan
Yeah.
I like not knowing it, though.
I don't care.
You know what else I like, too?
I like that my vision is going, so I can't read things.
So if I get an email or something like that, I can go, what does it say?
Okay, whatever.
I don't feel compelled to read the whole thing.
I don't feel compelled to put my reading glasses and go into depth.
I just look at it to a quick glance.
Do I need to pay attention to this?
That's just some bullshit.
Think about some important things.
hannibal buress
That's like old man flakiness.
I can't see that shit.
I can't see shit.
unidentified
What?
hannibal buress
What is that?
Nah, whatever.
joe rogan
Put that fucking newspaper.
hannibal buress
Put the goddamn game on.
joe rogan
Yeah, I don't give a fuck.
I'm practicing not giving a fuck.
I've always been good at it, but I'm actively working on it harder and harder more now than ever.
hannibal buress
It's tough, especially if you're thinking about it.
It's tough not to not give a fuck, but also be very aware and thinking about things all the time.
If you're saying you don't give a fuck, you do give a fuck because you're making the choice to be like, I don't give a fuck.
But you still do give a fuck.
You're just like, I'm not going to react in a way as somebody that gives a fuck.
But I give a fuck.
I'm making a choice, though.
joe rogan
You know what it's like?
It's like I'm pretending I don't give a fuck by saying I don't give a fuck.
I'm like putting that out there.
I'm like making a conscious decision to not give a fuck.
But in doing so, I'm giving a fuck about not giving a fuck.
Which means you give a fuck.
hannibal buress
You know who don't give a fuck?
joe rogan
Who?
hannibal buress
Locksmiths.
joe rogan
Why's that?
hannibal buress
They don't give.
Locksmith confidence, dog?
joe rogan
Because they can open any door?
hannibal buress
Because they can open any door, and you call them about the lock.
I mean, I guess they have to eyeball it and see what it is, but I was locked out in New York, and I say, you come through, and I tell them, I'll be there in five minutes.
What's the price?
I'll let you know when I'm there.
That's confidence.
I'm going to tell you when I'm there, because...
You need to get into your place.
joe rogan
That's true.
hannibal buress
And yeah, and so I've I've I've sent locksmiths away just as a too much money just as an act of aggression.
Yeah Well, he was like it's this much and I was like trying to talk him down and he wasn't having it he was like so and I was like It's fine, dawg.
It's all good.
And I just sat in my hallway for...
I think I went to the bar a couple doors down and just called a locksmith.
joe rogan
How much did you save?
hannibal buress
Not worth that time.
But it was good for my spirit.
It felt good.
joe rogan
Now, did you get a vibe off that dude?
Like, you sort of had a vibe off that lady?
You didn't want to give her your number?
unidentified
There's like a vibe off a dude?
hannibal buress
It's just, I think, it's just because I just see how quick they can do it.
And I'm like, I could do that in, you know, they do it in maybe 20, 30 seconds sometimes.
And I'm like, I can learn how to do it in the five-minute version of that.
How fast they do it.
And so it makes me, when I see how they do it, It pisses me off to know that he can just break my shit at any time and that he's just charging me an arbitrary price because his market is kind of, you know, all over the place.
joe rogan
Yeah, well, I guess they have a skill and they should be paid for that.
hannibal buress
Absolutely.
joe rogan
Right.
So, like, do you remember how much money it was?
hannibal buress
I don't know.
$150, let's say $150.
joe rogan
Oh, I would have just given him the money.
hannibal buress
Probably.
joe rogan
Yeah, but you got an enjoyment out of saying no.
hannibal buress
Yeah, because I think he's used to my foot and be like, sure!
And I'm like, you know what?
You got this skill.
You can break into people's houses and shit.
I've seen people do this shit fast, and I'm not having it.
I live on a block.
I live on a block.
I'm not in a suburban area.
My block in Brooklyn and Williamsburg, I got one of the most lit blocks.
joe rogan
A lot of shit to do.
hannibal buress
It's just, yeah, it's like four bars just on my very block.
I got time to kill.
Went down to my local and played some skee-ball, hung out.
joe rogan
Hmm.
hannibal buress
Yeah.
Why not?
joe rogan
How much did you offer to take off?
hannibal buress
I don't remember the specifics of the negotiation, but it was a very nominal amount.
unidentified
Like 20 bucks?
hannibal buress
That meant nothing.
Yeah, and he wasn't really budging and shit.
unidentified
Oh.
hannibal buress
Yeah, it was just, yeah.
joe rogan
Insight into the mind of Hannibal Buress.
hannibal buress
That's how my dad was.
joe rogan
Three apartments, rents them out with an Airbnb, $700 watch, big spend, no car.
hannibal buress
No car.
joe rogan
Won't pay for a locksmith.
unidentified
Hmm.
hannibal buress
Will pay for a locksmith.
I did pay for a locksmith.
joe rogan
Will, but not that one.
hannibal buress
Not that one.
Yeah.
Yeah.
joe rogan
How much do you think you saved on the second locksmith?
hannibal buress
Not much, man.
But, drink money.
I had some drinks at that bar.
unidentified
Hmm.
hannibal buress
So yeah, 20, 30 bucks.
unidentified
Hmm.
hannibal buress
Yeah.
joe rogan
I kicked in my door once.
Didn't have my lock.
Didn't have my key.
hannibal buress
Were you with the family, or was this you?
joe rogan
No, I was by myself.
It was pre-cell phone days.
hannibal buress
Oh, okay.
joe rogan
I just front kicked the shit out of that door and called the dude.
It's like, what happened?
I was like, yeah, I didn't have my key.
He had to fix the door jam the whole day.
That little metal thing, that was all bent and fucked up.
It's amazing how easy it is to kick open a door.
When you see those dudes banging their shoulder against the door, if you got a solid front kick...
There's no way that door survives.
They just open.
Unless it's a pull-for-you door.
If it's a pull-forward door, you're fucked.
You gotta be able to kick through the door.
You gotta have a hard kick.
But a push-open door?
Super easy.
They just open up.
hannibal buress
You know, you said you were solo when you did it, but I just still have a locked image of your family with you while you kick over the door.
And the kid's like, yeah!
unidentified
Yeah!
joe rogan
Well, if they were crying, if they were crying, I would.
I kicked open the door once on the set of news radio and we blamed it on the band Anthrax.
hannibal buress
Oh, it wasn't part of a scene?
It was just you were...
joe rogan
It was a door to the break room.
We were drunk, and I was with Maura, Maura Tierney, and she was like, God, I'm fucking hungry.
I want to get in that break room.
And I'm like, I can get in that door.
And she's like, how are you getting that door?
I go, I'd have to kick it open.
She goes, you can kick open that door.
I go, yeah.
And she goes, do it.
I go, all right, here we go.
hannibal buress
Ba-boom!
joe rogan
I just kicked the shit out of that door, and it bent the fucking, all of the shit that works inside the door.
hannibal buress
Yeah.
joe rogan
But it was...
It was so worth it.
It's very shady though to blame it on that band.
It was wrong.
They were working on the set that week.
They were on the episode with us.
To this day.
hannibal buress
Is this at NBCUniversal?
joe rogan
I think we were on Sunset Gower at the time.
I think.
I just stomped the hole in that door.
hannibal buress
Wait.
joe rogan
That's a big old metal door, too.
hannibal buress
Did you used to act drunk sometimes?
Did you do some scenes drunk?
joe rogan
No, no.
This was after the episode had been done.
Wow, that's how pixelated is that.
Yeah, that's them.
They're cool guys, though.
I hope production didn't call them.
Because we just, we were like, who, you know, they were like, who fucked up the door?
Like, who knows?
And they were like, probably that fucking band.
We're like, hmm, probably.
I would guess it was that band.
We just fucked up a door for like $10 in potato chips.
hannibal buress
Yeah, I was wondering what the take was.
joe rogan
Not much.
hannibal buress
Just some chips.
joe rogan
You know, snack foods, whatever was available.
hannibal buress
It felt good in the moment.
joe rogan
Oh, just to be able to do that feels amazing.
hannibal buress
Yeah.
joe rogan
To be able to kick a door open?
hannibal buress
My buddy Azar gave me this tip about...
When he goes to the movies, he orders a kid's ticket.
Because the people taking the tickets, they don't look.
Really, they just look at the theater number and the movie.
joe rogan
Right.
hannibal buress
And what?
I did it the first time.
Two tickets, we saving four bucks or whatever, four and some change.
But it felt amazing.
unidentified
It felt like...
hannibal buress
It felt like a mini heist, you know?
unidentified
Really?
hannibal buress
Yeah, it felt really good.
unidentified
It's like you're nervous, like, don't look, don't look, don't look, we're good.
hannibal buress
Yeah, the girl didn't want to do that shit.
She was like, why are you doing this?
joe rogan
Oh, you were with a girl and you did that?
unidentified
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, that's a problem.
joe rogan
Can't do that with a girl.
hannibal buress
Yes, you can.
You showed them who you are.
This is me.
I am unreasonably cheap.
Yeah.
This is who I am.
We're seeing a movie together.
joe rogan
You're setting the stage too, so like when that prenup comes she understands.
hannibal buress
Yeah, it was fine.
joe rogan
She's not gonna go, I can't believe you brought a prenup.
hannibal buress
Yeah.
joe rogan
She's like, of course, you know me.
I cheat at the movie theater.
hannibal buress
Right.
joe rogan
I pretend to be a kid for four bucks.
hannibal buress
Exactly.
But that four bucks, that sends you, you know, sends your brain into a great place.
joe rogan
That's something that a lot of women really get upset by.
hannibal buress
What?
joe rogan
Cheapness.
hannibal buress
Yo!
I was out with this girl in Atlanta and we went to this club.
She was driving and we parked in this parking lot.
It's like one of those situations where you park in a parking lot.
It was a dentist's office, but now somebody's charging for it.
And so my immediate question, it's like five bucks for the parking spot, right?
But my immediate question is, do they have a deal with this dentist's office?
Or do they just charge at night for people to park at this dentist's office?
Because I'm like, you're not the dentist.
Why can't you come up?
And I was telling her, I told her that I was going to say that before we got out the car.
I was like, I'm going to ask him if he's a dentist.
I'm not going.
And she was like, and then we get out.
You're not the dentist.
She was like, what the fuck is going on?
joe rogan
She was upset that you actually did it?
hannibal buress
Yeah, and so I was really about to be like, what's the chances of it getting told?
I was really, not because of it, I think the cheapness was a part of it, but it was genuinely, I wanted to know the reality of the situation.
Right.
joe rogan
Did they explain to you?
hannibal buress
No, I just, she was getting upset and I just paid the $5 for her.
joe rogan
She got real upset?
hannibal buress
Not really upset, but enough where we didn't have the same sense of humor and frugality, whereas we weren't on the same wavelength as far as that interaction, so she wasn't rolling with me.
joe rogan
That drives a lot of women crazy when they find out that you're cheap.
hannibal buress
Yeah.
Yeah.
joe rogan
You're supposed to be bold.
That's one thing that women like.
They like when dudes make it rain, right?
You're throwing a bunch of money in the air, you don't give a fuck.
There's something about that that's exciting.
hannibal buress
I don't know about that.
Strippers like that, but...
I don't know.
joe rogan
Average women won't like that, right?
That's true.
hannibal buress
Yeah.
joe rogan
But it's a male move.
To make it rain in a strip club is a total male move, right?
It's a saying that you don't give a fuck about money.
You just chuck it up in the air.
hannibal buress
I mean, it's a lot behind that.
I haven't balled out in a strip club like that before.
I think the most I've spent in a night in a strip club is maybe $800, something like that.
Which in Atlanta is...
I spent two months in Atlanta this summer.
That's pretty low.
You know, there's some guys that go and just have 10 grand.
Such and such, this rapper spent 20 grand in a strip club, which is...
It's shocking and frightening to me.
joe rogan
Yeah, Atlanta's famous for that, right?
hannibal buress
Yeah.
It's great strip clubs in Atlanta.
joe rogan
I was just there.
I was there Friday.
I was at the Tabernacle.
hannibal buress
Yeah.
joe rogan
Fun time, man.
unidentified
Atlanta's fun.
hannibal buress
It's a fun city, man.
joe rogan
It's a very fun city.
hannibal buress
It's a good nightlife.
But yeah, the strip clubs...
Where it's a spectacle.
You know what I mean?
So you just...
I mean, it's fun.
But I went there a few times.
joe rogan
Who's throwing money?
hannibal buress
Who's that?
jamie vernon
21 Savage.
hannibal buress
It's 21 Savage.
It's Young Thug.
They're on the stage.
Maybe they did a song or something.
But it's just...
Throw money on everybody.
See, it's just...
joe rogan
But that is a thing.
hannibal buress
It's a thing.
joe rogan
The flamboyance of not worrying at all about money to the point where you just throw it up in the air.
unidentified
Yeah.
joe rogan
That's a boxing ring.
unidentified
There's a girl with boxing gloves on.
hannibal buress
That might be King of Diamonds.
joe rogan
You don't want a box on paper.
hannibal buress
Oh, it's Atlanta.
It's Atlanta.
joe rogan
Because you slip around.
hannibal buress
Yeah, in some of the strip clubs, they have girls boxing.
What?
King of Diamonds in Miami.
joe rogan
What?
hannibal buress
I went there once on a Monday.
They have girls boxing.
Really?
It's a huge strip club.
I don't like my strip clubs huge and overwhelming.
I like my strip clubs kind of like dive bars.
Certain strip clubs, if you walk in and you throw up a couple hundred dollars, you can kind of take over the energy of the place.
All the strippers are starting coming to you and shit.
joe rogan
At a small place.
hannibal buress
At a smaller place.
King of Diamonds, that's where Rick Ross hangs out.
Yeah, Mayweather threw something in.
You see that?
joe rogan
King of Diamonds Memorial Weekend.
hannibal buress
It has a basketball court.
I think we talked about strip clubs last time we were here.
unidentified
Did we?
joe rogan
It happens.
hannibal buress
They have a basketball court in there and a barber shop in the strip club.
unidentified
What?
hannibal buress
Yeah.
joe rogan
A barber shop and a basketball court?
Why do they have a basketball court?
hannibal buress
Because sometimes you want to just get your endorphins going before you throw out that money, I guess.
Or maybe the strippers like to play basketball.
I don't know.
Weird.
joe rogan
Interesting.
hannibal buress
But it's...
The music is great.
joe rogan
That's a weird strip club, too, because the girls wear clothes.
What's going on?
hannibal buress
I think this is the preamble.
I think this is the YouTube version.
joe rogan
Oh, I see.
They're getting warmed up.
hannibal buress
You want to go to Vimeo, you can see the real deal.
joe rogan
Oh, does Vimeo show nudity?
jamie vernon
Yeah.
joe rogan
You know what's interesting is, what's the rules with Twitter?
Because I follow some porn stars, and they show full-on fucking.
hannibal buress
I think that's it.
You can do it.
joe rogan
That's amazing.
hannibal buress
Sometimes I forget that I follow Pornhub on Twitter.
And then I'll be scrolling through, and it's just a gif of some hard fucking...
I'm like, oh, yeah!
joe rogan
Well, it's a real problem if you leave your phone around and your kids grab it.
When they scroll through your feed, they're like, hey!
Scroll through the home feed.
hannibal buress
They gotta, I mean, they're gonna see it somehow.
joe rogan
It's just ass and dick.
Just one of those animated GIF files.
15 seconds of ass and dick and like, woo!
It's amazing that they can have that on Twitter.
With the millions and millions and millions of...
Like, that doesn't bother them.
hannibal buress
I mean...
This wears things on Twitter.
Our president on a constant.
joe rogan
Did you see that that woman, Valerie, I don't know how you say her name is, Valerie Plum or something like that, she's the CIA operative that was outed by I guess it was Dick Cheney, I think.
It was a big deal.
Because she had said something, or her husband had said something, so Dick Cheney outed her, and it compromised her position and compromised the mission she was working on.
Anyway, she's working now on buying Twitter to kick Donald Trump off.
What?
P-L-A-M-E. I do not know how to say her name.
hannibal buress
She has that much money?
joe rogan
No.
She's crowdfunding to buy Twitter to kick off Donald Trump.
She wants to buy Twitter just so they can kick Trump off.
hannibal buress
One billion dollar gold?
joe rogan
She made 85 grand so far.
By the way, I got news for you, honey.
Twitter's not for sale for a billion dollars.
Try to buy Twitter for a billion dollars.
That's nice.
Come back when you got about seven billion dollars.
hannibal buress
Get out of here, Valerie.
Give that money to Houston.
Fuck out of here.
You're not going to make it.
joe rogan
How much money do you think, like, how much money is Twitter worth?
Like, if Twitter was going to be for sale.
jamie vernon
It had to be for sale first.
joe rogan
It would have to be like 15 billion, right?
hannibal buress
Probably.
joe rogan
That's insane.
jamie vernon
It's not on potential, but yeah.
hannibal buress
It's, uh, it's the thing with Twitter from the little bit that I know is that it, In comparison to the other social medias, they've had trouble monetizing in the same way.
So Instagram is making money, Facebook obviously making money, and Instagram's all about it.
Snapchat is doing well.
Twitter hasn't figured out how to...
Get real revenue.
People use Twitter and are active on it in live tweet events, but as far as the money, it's been lagging in comparison.
joe rogan
I don't understand that.
Do you understand that?
That doesn't make sense to me.
Instagram has sponsored tweets.
What did that say?
What are you putting up there?
The market value, $15.7 billion for Twitter?
jamie vernon
That was about a year ago, yeah.
joe rogan
So why does that chick think she can get it for a billion bucks?
She's tripping.
She's just trying to get attention, right?
unidentified
Yeah.
hannibal buress
You think she smoked?
Or you think that's just pure just anger to come up with?
jamie vernon
Anger.
hannibal buress
Just anger, not just to have the initial weirdo, wackadoodle, not gonna happen idea.
Because I've had a lot of those.
But then I calm down.
unidentified
Yeah.
hannibal buress
But to go through it, to be like, yeah, I'm going to fucking do a crowdfund to buy Twitter.
joe rogan
That's so stupid.
hannibal buress
And then to actually go onto the site and then write it up.
joe rogan
Yeah.
hannibal buress
Put your picture up there.
joe rogan
Yeah.
hannibal buress
And then look at it.
proofread and go through all that shit and still be like, yeah, still crowdfund for Twitter, still be on board with the idea and post.
joe rogan
It's so stupid because there's 350 million people in this country with every single person.
What's the matter?
jamie vernon
She just wants to become the largest shareholder so she can make the decision to do that.
joe rogan
Why the fuck would anybody give her that money?
jamie vernon
Yeah, I don't know.
joe rogan
You're giving her that money.
Like, what if you gave her $100,000?
How do you...
Does she give you an accounting form of what she's doing with that $100,000?
That's so stupid.
No one's gonna die.
I can't believe she got $85,000.
That's amazing in and of itself.
hannibal buress
Well, the final number, the end of that number is $7,000, which means somebody gave like $2 or somebody gave a weird off number.
Sure, I don't have much, but good luck.
joe rogan
Yeah, who's going to give more than five bucks?
hannibal buress
Let's look at the names, because sometimes they show the names of people that gave stuff and what they said.
And so let's just see.
Victoria needs...
Let's do this now!
And what else?
joe rogan
The way he tweets...
hannibal buress
We need to get this fool out of office and put him where he can't cause damage.
Five dollars.
joe rogan
Look at that tweet that he made.
Look at that tweet.
Scroll back up, Jamie, to where it was before.
So you can see Trump's tweet.
Look at that.
Military solutions are now fully in place.
No space between comma and locked.
So typos galore.
Locked and loaded.
No comma.
I mean, comma, no space again.
Should North Korea act unwisely?
And then double space.
The fuck that's about.
Hopefully Kim Jong-un will find another path!
Exclamation point.
It's just, it's like, it's like you took some housewife from the middle of nowhere and allowed her to be president.
I mean, it's literally like the mindset of that tweet.
It's such a silly tweet.
Hopefully he'll find another path.
hannibal buress
I mean...
joe rogan
Hopefully.
hannibal buress
He's a, it's...
joe rogan
Are you disturbed?
hannibal buress
I don't know if I'm even disturbed anymore or if I'm numb in a kind of a...
I don't know, like, domestic situation where I was just like, yeah.
joe rogan
Domestic violence, like you've been beaten?
hannibal buress
Yeah, yeah.
joe rogan
Like your wife?
hannibal buress
That's what he said.
Yeah, he went to Texas to see the flood damage and was like, yeah, good crowd, big crowd.
joe rogan
What a crowd, what a crowd.
Here to see me, right?
Everybody?
unidentified
Yay!
hannibal buress
Daddy!
I don't think I'm disturbed.
I just...
I don't think it would...
I knew it would be bad.
I don't think it would...
joe rogan
Be this bad?
hannibal buress
Get this bad...
joe rogan
This quick.
hannibal buress
This quick.
And...
Yeah, it's really...
unidentified
I don't know.
hannibal buress
It's fascinating.
joe rogan
The thing that fascinates me the most is not just him, but how many people still support him.
How many people don't have any problem with it?
unidentified
Yeah, where I... I try to...
hannibal buress
I can't understand it, really.
Where they still are behind, like, you behind all of this?
Or is it just where they have a similar just, are the people that are really into him, are they the same type of just egomaniac or a narcissist where they can't admit wrong?
Or they know that it's wrong, but they, I can't.
I'm locked in now.
joe rogan
They're locked in.
I think they're finding a way to justify whatever he does, no matter what it is.
Like, I had Kamau Bell yesterday on the podcast.
I didn't read.
I don't read comments on YouTube, but I did look at the thumbs up, thumbs down.
And it's like, he had as many thumbs down as thumbs up.
That's super rare.
And I think a lot of it was because he was talking a lot of shit about Trump.
We both were.
We were talking about how ridiculous this is.
hannibal buress
Yeah.
joe rogan
And I saw a couple of comments on Twitter, people that got mad, because we were talking about his response to Charlottesville, and they were saying, he was saying on all sides, because there was violence on all sides.
unidentified
People showed up with torches.
joe rogan
They showed up with torches for white folks.
They were like, we're here for white folks only, we have torches.
You don't think that's an issue?
You don't think people showing up a line of crazy white supremacists with torches?
And the people that were opposing them, the people that are opposing them, yeah, they fucked up too.
But the only reason why they were there is because there was people with torches.
hannibal buress
Right.
joe rogan
The whole thing was insane.
hannibal buress
And he doesn't have the...
I mean, he doesn't know how to handle it.
And also he can't say that publicly.
He can't say, hey guys, I'm panicking right now.
joe rogan
No, he never said that.
hannibal buress
But he can't say it explicitly, but he...
He kind of says it through his actions.
joe rogan
I don't think he's healthy.
Also, too, I think when you're 70 years old, like you were talking about your brain gets older, you're 34, right?
I'm 50 now.
My brain's getting older for sure.
What's it going to be like in 22, 23 years?
What is he, 71, 72, something like that?
What's that going to be like?
Not good.
I don't think you should be working all day.
hannibal buress
Yeah.
That dude, uh...
He's too old and he's a crazy person and he used to host The Apprentice and he was on the Comedy Central roast, amongst other things.
So he still watches five hours of TV. Not to say that those things mean you can't be solid at being president, but this guy...
joe rogan
You say he still watches five hours of TV a day?
jamie vernon
Yeah, that's what I read yesterday.
hannibal buress
Who reported that?
unidentified
Reuters?
joe rogan
Reuters.
They're a bunch of fucking fake news.
How could anybody have time to watch five hours of TV a day if you have a real job?
jamie vernon
This wasn't a brand new article, but...
joe rogan
Trump's TV obsession is a first.
Look at that hair.
Hilarious.
Look at that.
They can just take a photo of his hair only and black everything out.
That is the most bizarre image of a president.
That crazy helmet of hair.
hannibal buress
Yeah.
Gotta mix it up when you're a photo editor.
joe rogan
It's a good move, actually.
No president has consumed as much television as the current one or reacted as quickly or directly to what they're seeing.
He loves Fox& Friends.
624 a.m.
Monday, Trump gushed over Twitter about the amazing reporting, in quotes, on the morning talk show a week earlier.
He instructed the nation to, in quotes, watch Fox& Friends now for their exemplary Russia coverage.
Exemplary Russia coverage.
He tweeted about the program hosted by Steve Dewey?
Doocy?
How do you say that?
jamie vernon
Yeah.
joe rogan
Doocy?
Dookie?
Dookie like poo.
Ainsley?
What are these people's names?
Ainsley Earnhardt and Brian Kilmeade.
Seven times in March alone, and recently brought it up in an interview with Fox News' Tucker Carlson telling him cheerfully, I like that group of three people.
Even after becoming president, Trump reportedly manages to fill his days with plenty of television, in quotes.
And from his tweets, it's often possible to discern when and what he's watching in January.
Axios broke down the president's media diet.
Most mornings, Trump flicks on the TV and watches Morning Joe.
But he hates that guy now.
Not anymore.
Now he hates that guy and he talks shit about his wife's plastic surgery.
Often for long periods of time.
Sometimes interrupted with texts to the host or panelists.
He texts them!
After the 6 a.m.
hour of Joe, he's often on to Fox& Friends by 7 a.m.
unidentified
Wow.
joe rogan
With a little CNN before or after, just to fucking get the blood pressure up.
He also catches the Sunday show, especially Meet the Press.
The shows, as he calls them, often provoke his tweets.
The day of our interview with him, all of his tweet topics were discussed during the first two hours of Morning Joe.
unidentified
Wow.
joe rogan
Five hours of television every day, it says.
hannibal buress
That's a guess.
Not five a day, but too much.
And also, it's weird that the president is easily baitable on Twitter, more so than me.
joe rogan
Did you see when Stephen Colbert got him and then Colbert said, you know, Mr. President, as much as I think you're terrible to be the president, I thought at the very least you understood show business.
He goes, you responded to me.
He goes, that means I won.
jamie vernon
I got you.
joe rogan
When he called Trump's mouth a cock holster for Putin.
hannibal buress
Oh, that was a great joke.
joe rogan
It was a great joke.
But it's crazy, like, seeing that on a late night talk show.
A late night talk show on CBS, the host calls the president's mouth a cock holster.
hannibal buress
Oh, they didn't bleep cock?
joe rogan
I don't know what they did.
They probably bleeped it.
hannibal buress
Yeah.
joe rogan
But you knew what it was.
hannibal buress
Yeah.
joe rogan
A cock holster.
He's saying a cock.
hannibal buress
Yeah.
joe rogan
You know what I'm saying, but the fact that that was in the monologue, that CBS was like, yeah, go for it.
I mean, no other president would never have that, not in a million years.
The minimum amount of respect, no FCC fine for Stephen Colbert's late night Donald Trump cockholster crack.
Wow.
Yeah, they bleeped it.
So was Trump trying to go after it for the FCC? No.
Do you remember when the FCC went after Howard Stern?
People forget about that shit.
He got fined.
And he didn't even swear.
He got fined hundreds of thousands of dollars.
hannibal buress
Shit.
joe rogan
Yeah.
hannibal buress
How do you think it ends?
This guy.
You think he ends his term?
You think he dies in office?
You think he ODs?
You think he gets impeached?
You think, what happens with Trump?
joe rogan
That's a good question.
I don't think he gets a second term, but...
hannibal buress
You think he makes it?
unidentified
I could be wrong.
joe rogan
I think he makes it to the end of the term.
unidentified
Really?
joe rogan
Yeah.
And I think it's just hell on wheels on a giant disaster, and it gets worse and worse.
And I think...
Here's the thing that...
Howard Stern had a really good point about Trump.
He said he wants to be loved.
He wants people to love him.
This is a terrible job if you want people to love you.
Because even the people that supported you, once you get in there, you're trying to do this impossible job that really no one's been able to do totally.
People forget that Obama had, like...
Very low approval rating to one point in time in his presidency.
I think he was in the low 40s like 44% or something like that Approval rating like it's not a job that anybody Does well even if you're the best at it ever you still people a giant percentage of the population millions and millions of people gonna fucking hate you Yeah, that's not I don't think that's in that guy's psyche Especially if you check Twitter like that.
hannibal buress
Yeah, you can Yeah.
He can block himself from it a little bit.
joe rogan
Well, he blocks regular people.
When regular people tweet out.
hannibal buress
He can block himself from that.
joe rogan
Yes.
hannibal buress
But just by deleting it off his phone, he can kind of get away from it.
But I don't think he could take that attention away from himself.
joe rogan
No, I don't think so either.
I just, I don't think it's healthy for him, especially at this late stage of his life, you know, in his 70s, taking this kind of heat.
Because before he was president, that guy, whether some people didn't like him, some people loved him, no big deal.
He was genuinely, generally able to like walk around everywhere and not be hated.
Like he could go to restaurants, people go, oh look, there's Donald Trump.
There's no people who are hating him.
unidentified
Right.
hannibal buress
It's just like, oh, he's kind of a douchebag, maybe.
joe rogan
Right, maybe.
hannibal buress
Yeah, he seems douchey.
joe rogan
I like how you said that.
Maybe.
hannibal buress
Yeah, probably a douchebag, whatever.
That's Trump over there.
joe rogan
Back to dinner.
Yeah, they might laugh.
They might try to get a selfie with him, ask him a question.
But now, the amount of hate he experiences is probably like 400 or 500% more.
More even.
Ramped up.
Through the roof.
hannibal buress
Yeah, it's a five digit weird number or something.
Crazy.
Unquantifiable hate towards this man with the weird hair from The Apprentice.
joe rogan
Yeah, everybody just wants to take a free shot at him too.
Like everywhere he goes.
Poor bastard.
hannibal buress
People are building goddamn careers off of hate.
joe rogan
They are.
hannibal buress
The Trump, the president's show on Comedy Central.
joe rogan
That's true.
hannibal buress
Goddamn Colbert has beat Fallon in the ratings lately because he's been ripping on him.
joe rogan
Yeah.
hannibal buress
What the fuck is I making their goddamn legacy off of this dude being an asshole?
joe rogan
People are mad at Fallon because Fallon was too nice to him when he was running for president.
hannibal buress
Get the hair thing.
I mean, it was already a done deal then.
You think Fallon was going to run it?
joe rogan
No, but it was that Fallon didn't grill him.
He didn't, like, pressure him.
That's what people are mad at, that he didn't treat him like a dangerous person.
Fallon probably had no idea that he was going to win, too.
hannibal buress
Yeah, it was jokey at that point.
Fallon should have played one of those weird games and then cheated.
joe rogan
Fuck you!
hannibal buress
I'm with her!
joe rogan
Yeah, he's mushing his hair up.
Big smile, mushing his hair up.
hannibal buress
Yeah.
joe rogan
Hmm, very weird.
Yeah.
It's very weird.
It's just so strange that that's our president.
It's hard to believe sometimes.
Like sometimes I'll stare at the news and I just have to look at it for like seconds, like 10-15 seconds to just go, okay, this is real.
This is real.
That really is the president.
It's Donald Trump.
hannibal buress
Have you traveled abroad yet with him as president?
joe rogan
Yeah, Italy.
hannibal buress
Italy?
joe rogan
Yeah, that's it.
hannibal buress
With the fam?
joe rogan
Yeah.
hannibal buress
How was it?
joe rogan
It's normal.
Nobody gives a shit.
It's normal.
They don't give a fuck.
They're over there doing Italy shit.
hannibal buress
But you were doing...
So you was just vacationing those shows?
joe rogan
Yeah.
No shows.
I've been to Canada to do shows, but I'm sure if you go and do shows...
Have I? Wait a minute.
No, I haven't.
My first shows with Trump as president will be next weekend in Edmonton.
Yeah.
I haven't been anywhere while he's actually been the president.
It's gonna be a trip, man.
hannibal buress
Yeah, they just kind of blame it on you.
In the few conversations I've had when I've been out of the country, what are you guys doing over there?
It's not me!
joe rogan
How'd they do it?
Well, they have a situation that's the exact opposite.
They have a super liberal president that was letting in any immigrants, and now he's apparently cooled off on that, too.
hannibal buress
Trudeau?
joe rogan
Yeah.
Trudeau also, they're having issues with free speech.
You know, people are getting fined for saying things.
They're setting up these weird laws where you can get in deep shit for misgendering people and not using the correct gender pronouns.
One of 78 different gender pronouns that people use now.
Like, they're super ultra left-wing.
Like, his cabinet and his ideas.
He's a real, like, legitimate social justice warrior president.
So it's interesting.
It's like you have both schools right next to each other.
hannibal buress
That's, uh...
joe rogan
Both of them are kind of fucked.
hannibal buress
Yeah.
Yeah.
We did it.
joe rogan
They did it too.
hannibal buress
We did it.
Russia did it.
joe rogan
Nobody should fucking be president, man.
Nobody.
Shouldn't be president.
hannibal buress
Uh-oh.
Hot take.
joe rogan
We need more.
We need a group of humans.
hannibal buress
Just a group.
Like 12. Yeah.
Like a jury.
joe rogan
Yeah.
hannibal buress
Like how a jury is.
unidentified
Yeah.
joe rogan
Yeah.
Something like that.
hannibal buress
Yeah.
joe rogan
And a group of intelligent people that are qualified.
With a great education, excellent ethics, great morals.
You can't have just a popularity contest to see who gets to control the nukes.
It's fucking crazy.
I hope we get past it, but I don't think we're going to.
I think once we have things written on paper, once we have, like, a way that we operate, once we have some sort of a plan that we follow, it's very difficult to get people to shake that.
To have some sort of a new, reasonable plan to run the country without representative government, you know, like senators and congressmen and people that you have to, like...
I mean, they had all that shit back when they couldn't get a hold of people.
I mean, they had all that stuff.
And I'm not saying that there shouldn't be some representatives.
I'm saying that the system that's in place right now was really in place right now because you had a representative of every state, and they had to travel to D.C., and they did their business, and they'd come back to their constituents.
Well, the constituents can all communicate in real time now.
I mean, we have this unique ability now to share your opinions, and even to vote online.
That also should be an option.
100% we should be voting online.
hannibal buress
I don't know about that.
That could be easily written.
joe rogan
This guy's got dick pics on the cloud.
He's worried about people voting online.
hannibal buress
Listen.
Who knows?
That's just a dark dick.
unidentified
It could be anybody's.
hannibal buress
It could be anybody's.
That's not me.
Play the voice.
Play the voice.
Oh, it's not saying anything?
Ah, there it is.
joe rogan
Fake news.
Fake news.
Fake news, rooters.
Photoshopped.
unidentified
Yeah.
joe rogan
I just think a better system is possible.
This is not the best system.
I feel like this is like trying to patch up Windows 95 over and over again.
Just come up with a new system.
hannibal buress
Yes.
Couple of years old.
joe rogan
Come on.
hannibal buress
Mix it up.
joe rogan
Come on.
Mix it up.
hannibal buress
But, you know, that's gonna take...
joe rogan
A lot of time.
hannibal buress
A lot of time to do.
joe rogan
What's in the notes, man?
hannibal buress
We got through it already.
joe rogan
Everything?
unidentified
Uh...
joe rogan
We got to it organically.
hannibal buress
Yeah.
I mean, yeah, I didn't try it.
I'm not a hammer it in type of morning radio type of...
joe rogan
Oh, that's the worst.
hannibal buress
Oh, so what do you want to talk about?
joe rogan
Do you do those still?
Do you do morning radio shows?
hannibal buress
No, I haven't done them in a while.
No, and I don't even ask me to call in.
joe rogan
So Hannibal, I understand that you were at a baseball game recently.
hannibal buress
Yeah, I was at a baseball game.
Baseball is super boring.
I can't.
No.
We got through everything except for, weirdly, the one...
You know, congratulations on a thousand episodes, by the way.
I started a podcast last year.
joe rogan
Oh, that's right.
hannibal buress
Yeah, Handsome Rambler.
Ooh, good name.
It's a high name.
I'm locked into it now.
I consider changing it.
joe rogan
I like it.
hannibal buress
It's fun, though.
It's been good.
joe rogan
Do you have guests?
hannibal buress
Have guests on.
joe rogan
Where do you do it?
hannibal buress
We do it all over.
It's me and my DJ Tony Trim.
So we do a lot of them in Chicago, but we travel.
We have comedians and we have a lot of musicians on.
joe rogan
How often do you do it?
hannibal buress
I do them, we put them out every week, but we block record them just because we're usually traveling a lot.
So we just, we have a theremin and we do make goofy songs.
joe rogan
Where's that set?
hannibal buress
That's Tony's crib in Chicago.
joe rogan
Oh, that's a nice setup there.
hannibal buress
Yeah, so we play some songs and shit and goof off and do some interview stuff.
It's a fun time though.
It's been good.
joe rogan
Nice.
hannibal buress
It's kind of changed, you know, how I feel like I'm...
When I talk to people, I feel like a better person.
Not because I have a podcast, but I feel like I'm more in tune with what a person is saying than I used to be.
joe rogan
Yeah, I know what you're talking about.
hannibal buress
Yeah, where I end up accidentally interviewing people.
joe rogan
When you talk to them in real life.
hannibal buress
But asking good questions.
Not in a practicing way, where I end up talking to people, but asking better questions than the where you're from.
Getting beyond the...
Surface level, so I think that's happened because of that.
joe rogan
Well, I feel like the same thing with me.
I learned how to be a better conversationalist.
hannibal buress
Yeah.
joe rogan
You evolve, for sure.
You also learn what's annoying about your speech patterns.
hannibal buress
Oh.
I say a lot of yes.
joe rogan
Yeah.
People say like a lot.
Like.
It's like, there's like, you know, you know and like.
Those are big ones.
hannibal buress
Yeah.
You know, like, and yeah.
unidentified
Yeah.
hannibal buress
Because I just said three yes in five seconds.
joe rogan
Well, you also learn how bad a lot of regular people are at having actual conversations.
A lot of people are just waiting for you to stop talking so they can talk.
They're barely paying attention to what you're saying.
hannibal buress
Yeah.
joe rogan
Being a good conversationalist is huge.
hannibal buress
It's a lot of tools.
joe rogan
Yeah.
hannibal buress
Did you read books and shit when you first started or did you just go into it?
Or did you study certain people as you went along or when you first started?
joe rogan
No.
No.
Total trial and error.
Just doing it a lot, you know, in a thousand episodes.
But we've done a thousand episodes plus another 40 that were like Fight Companions, Podcasts on a Plane, Podcasts on a Hike.
There's a bunch of different ones, Fight Breakdowns.
hannibal buress
How often do you listen to them, or do you watch...
joe rogan
I listen to occasionally.
I listen to one if I think it sucks, if I think I was bad, or if I think the person said something super interesting.
There was one the other day with Sean Carroll.
He's an astrophysicist, and he's an expert in quantum theory, and it's just...
The shit he was saying is so hard to grab a hold of.
I had to listen to it several times.
hannibal buress
Damn.
joe rogan
Yeah, but it's mostly just me asking questions and him talking.
But it's just the stuff that he's saying is so intense.
You've got to kind of listen to it over and over again with my feeble little brain just to try to, like, store it.
You know, like, okay, what is he saying?
And there's another one.
There's this woman that she's on all the time, Rhonda Patrick, Dr. Rhonda Patrick.
What's her specialty?
Nutritional absorption and just how nutrients affect the body.
That's like the big thing with her.
And she's one of the smartest people I've ever talked to.
She's freaky smart, like almost like an alien.
You're talking to her and you realize how dumb you are.
Because you can ask her a question about something and not only can she tell you what it is, she'll recite the studies that were done and what percentages the studies.
And she's just pulling this right out of it in between her ears.
hannibal buress
Right.
No prep.
joe rogan
No computer.
hannibal buress
Straight into...
joe rogan
She has notes, but she rarely uses them when she comes on the podcast.
She'll have something that she wants to talk about, like some new study on...
You know like broccoli sprouts is one that she went over the last time because she's been experimenting with broccoli sprouts and she's a clinical researcher as well So she does actual scientific research So she's one of them that I listened to like several times just to try to remember what the fuck she was saying So does she hit you up the same way I hit you up with Joe got this broccoli sprouts shit I need to get off Sometimes she'll say,
you know, I'll hit her up, too, because she's a researcher, too, because she's always like, for lack of a better word, balls deep in research.
hannibal buress
Right.
joe rogan
And she's like, sometimes she doesn't have time to do podcasts.
She's in the middle of so many different things that she's working on, actual science, you know?
That's the interesting thing about having real scientists on, is you realize, like, what a different world they live in.
hannibal buress
Absolutely.
I would never have a scientist on mine.
joe rogan
But you might enjoy it.
hannibal buress
Maybe down the line, but right now I keep it to people.
Yeah, keep it fun and with people I know.
I think, yeah, maybe down the line is I... Just fun, right?
joe rogan
My favorite podcasts that I do are comedians like yourself or my friends.
One thing I can tell you, though, looking at that image of you guys, this is a mistake that we did when we first started out.
We did it on couches.
The problem with couches is you got to sit forward where the microphone is.
They're not that comfortable.
I realized after a while, see how you guys are like, everybody's leaning forward.
unidentified
Look at that.
joe rogan
See?
On this show, you're sitting in these Ergonomic office chairs.
hannibal buress
Yeah.
joe rogan
You're sitting back, but you're sitting up, and you can sit here for hours and hours at a time.
If you do three hours sitting the way Byron Bowers is right there, that shit's going to hurt your back.
hannibal buress
Oh, well, we keep about an hour and a half or so.
joe rogan
Hour and a half's good.
hannibal buress
Yeah.
joe rogan
That's right when it starts to twing.
But like, office chairs are the way to go.
There's a reason why they make these things, especially these ergonomic ones.
These are from Ergo Depot.
They're called Kapiscos, for people that ask.
And they're not a sponsor or anything.
They just...
They're badass chairs.
And they force you to sit up straight.
So you can sit in these for hours and it doesn't fuck with your back.
hannibal buress
Solid tip, Joe Rogan.
joe rogan
Solid tip.
hannibal buress
I appreciate that.
joe rogan
I made those mistakes.
I had a couch.
hannibal buress
Yeah.
joe rogan
And Ari Shaffir took that couch.
He sold it.
I gave it to him and he did something with it.
I think he eBayed it or something.
Let everybody know.
It's the couch.
Look at this going on here.
hannibal buress
What's happening here?
We went to Moogfest.
joe rogan
What is that?
hannibal buress
Moogfest.
Moog is a company that makes synthesizers.
So a lot of bands, you'll see they use Moog products.
And so the TheraMini that we use on the podcast, you know, the TheraMini is the instrument that you can operate with waves.
Like just you move your hands around it.
They make that.
And so Tony, my coals, he said, oh, we should go to Moogfest.
And so I was like, that's a good idea.
Their festival's in Durham.
So I reached out to them and they said, sure, come to the festival.
We did a couple podcasts there.
And then also they have a workshop where you can build your own drum synthesizer.
So it's a two-day workshop where they give you all the parts and you build it from scratch and you do all the soldering and screwing.
So I built this drum synthesizer in May.
joe rogan
Is that what you're doing there?
Is that what's in your hand?
That's a soldering iron or something like that?
hannibal buress
At that point, yeah, I'm soldering right there, yeah.
unidentified
Whoa!
joe rogan
So that's like a, what is that?
What are those boards called?
hannibal buress
Circuit board.
joe rogan
Circuit board?
hannibal buress
Yeah.
So yeah.
Wow.
That's crazy.
We both worked on it.
I didn't do all the work, but I did a lot of, that was my first time soldering anything.
I hadn't done actual building shit with my hands in a long time.
unidentified
Wow.
hannibal buress
But yeah, then when we built them all, everybody built theirs, and then at the end of the class, linked them all together, and they just kind of fucked around with them.
It just made crazy noise.
joe rogan
Wow.
hannibal buress
Yeah.
joe rogan
That's interesting.
hannibal buress
It was fun, man.
joe rogan
That seems pretty badass.
hannibal buress
Yeah.
joe rogan
Making your own sense.
So that's a cool, just off a whim, you just decided to go and do that?
hannibal buress
Well, we were, because, yeah, we just, I looked it up, and it was a bunch of artists that I liked there, too.
And so it just, and we reached out to them.
It's kind of a chill festival.
It has some bigger artists, but it's still pretty small in the way that we were able to hit them up a few weeks before, and they were able to accommodate us with time slots and say, okay...
They were already going to have somebody interview Flying Lotus, so they had us interview him, and we interviewed Animal Collective.
It was just loose and chill, and it was easy to navigate.
It was a fun festival.
Yeah.
It was just on a whim.
joe rogan
So do you use that thing now?
That's gotta be kind of satisfying, knowing that you made something.
hannibal buress
I haven't used it yet, because I had to get it from New York and bring it to Chicago and start using it.
I use the theremin more, though.
That theremin is fun.
joe rogan
So what do you make?
Music?
hannibal buress
We make songs on the podcast.
Instead of doing an ad read, we do a jingle for each one.
We do an original song for each ad.
joe rogan
So you write the songs with their talking points?
hannibal buress
Well, we do the song, and it's kind of hooky usually, just saying the same.
We got Bevel as one of our sponsors, so we go, Bevel, Bevel, Bevel, Bevel, and he'll produce around it.
And then we'll do the read after the song.
jamie vernon
This is the Thera Mini that he's talking about too.
Where you just wave your hands over it and it makes music.
unidentified
Huh.
The other antenna will control freezes.
hannibal buress
I know about that hand technique.
I usually do a full open hand.
joe rogan
That's Mars Attack shit.
jamie vernon
It's real weird.
It's a real weird thing.
hannibal buress
But it's fun, man.
So we've made some beats with that.
joe rogan
That's fascinating.
I never heard of this thing before.
hannibal buress
Yeah, we really used that.
I mean, Tony, he'll have a drum machine.
We got a microphone that does auto-tune and stuff.
unidentified
Wow.
hannibal buress
So it's really to cover up That we're bad interviewers.
It's like it'll be a lull if we can't think of something.
It'll just start goofing off and making a song.
joe rogan
But don't you think you're probably not an interviewer?
You're just having a conversation, right?
hannibal buress
Yeah.
joe rogan
That's what podcasts are, really.
hannibal buress
Right, absolutely.
But I just...
I can talk, you know what I mean?
But I also want to, when I have a guest, I want to put them in a position to shot, you know what I mean?
And so sometimes I'll catch myself Kind of going off.
Oh, shit.
Let me get it back to them.
You know what I mean?
joe rogan
That's where you use that thing?
hannibal buress
Well, no.
I'll catch myself going off into a long-ass story and then I realize, let me just bring it back and get it to this guest.
Yeah, that's what I mean.
Yeah.
joe rogan
That's nice.
hannibal buress
It's fun.
It's a fun time.
joe rogan
As long as it's fun, man.
That's everything.
Do you find that a lot of people that are coming to your shows, they listen to the podcast and it sort of gets you closer to them?
hannibal buress
Yeah, it is.
We get a lot of messages about it, and people say they've bought thereminis because they're like, I didn't even know what a theremini was, but now I want one because they play it so goddamn much.
And it's kind of a running theme on the show where the guest, I mean, what is that thing?
And they're like, and that's a theremini, so it's just kind of a, it's almost like a, A third host of the show where the person finds out what it is and I explain it pretty much every time.
It's a fun time though.
joe rogan
And so tell people that's Handsome Rambler, they get that on iTunes.
hannibal buress
It's Handsome Rambler, iTunes, SoundCloud, the other ones.
What is it?
joe rogan
What else you got?
hannibal buress
I don't know.
joe rogan
What is it?
Google Play.
Oh, Google Play, that's right.
hannibal buress
Google Play.
joe rogan
It's amazing how few people bring up Google Play, because half the people have Androids, don't they?
But Google Play never gets discussed.
And you can get Google Play on an iPhone, too, right?
But you can't get iTunes.
Can you get iTunes on an Android phone?
unidentified
Can't.
jamie vernon
You can't get the podcasts on Google Play on the iPhone because there's a podcast app which Google or Apple doesn't usually let you compete with their own apps.
They're built in the phone.
joe rogan
They don't let you.
But they let you use some podcast apps, right?
jamie vernon
I don't know.
joe rogan
There's that comedy podcast app that Ari Shaffir is always talking about.
jamie vernon
That's a comedy app that's aggregating different comedy things.
joe rogan
They wouldn't let you just use an actual podcast app other than theirs.
jamie vernon
I don't think so.
I could be speaking wrong, but I don't think so.
unidentified
Yeah, man.
joe rogan
It's a tough road for those android people.
It's a tough road.
People just look at you illegitimately if you...
hannibal buress
Green text message, man.
joe rogan
Yeah, they get weirded out by you.
jamie vernon
I bought one already and it's coming soon.
joe rogan
You bought one?
jamie vernon
Yeah, I bought it off the whim of Red.
Oh, I saw that.
They made one and they just announced it and I was like, ooh.
joe rogan
It looks tremendous.
hannibal buress
They made an Android phone?
jamie vernon
Yeah, they just put up a picture where you can only see the corner and the rest of it's all shaded out.
I'll see if I can find it real quick.
joe rogan
No, that dude Marcus got a hold of one.
jamie vernon
He did a review.
Then I saw the video of it, but I already bought it.
Before that, I just kind of went ahead.
Because they had some wording on the bottom that there's going to be some special things that you won't be able to buy if you don't buy in this window.
It was a whole sales pitch, but I just went ahead and bought it.
joe rogan
You bought ahead.
So you're going to switch over to Android?
jamie vernon
Not switch.
It'll just be like a second phone.
joe rogan
Second whole phone?
You're going to have a whole phone?
jamie vernon
If it doesn't work, I'll sell it and just...
But it's supposed to also be a modular something or other for the new cameras they're gonna have coming out, too.
So it'll actually be a physical tool.
It's more or less just a 5-inch screen that's a tool for these cameras that don't have any screens on them.
joe rogan
Yeah, and those red cameras, for people who don't know, there's a lot of television shows that get filmed with those.
They're like super high-end, high-definition, top-of-the-food-chain cameras.
That new phone does look dope, and it's got like these crazy grips on the side of it.
Like, the side of it is not smooth.
It's got, like, finger holes.
Like, where your hand grips onto it.
hannibal buress
Well, they had to have been doing great as a camera company when they said, let's do phones also.
joe rogan
Yeah, let's get crazy.
jamie vernon
Holographic display.
hannibal buress
What?
joe rogan
Yeah, well, Marcus is a video.
What is Marcus's last name?
jamie vernon
Brownlee.
joe rogan
There's a video where Marcus is watching it, and he's like, whoa.
jamie vernon
Yeah, he can't show you what it looks like.
joe rogan
He said he can't show you.
He goes, you can tell.
hannibal buress
Shit.
joe rogan
You can see my reaction to it.
And by the way, he's like, the reaction is not even to the finished product, which would be even better than it is now.
But you see how the side edges have those weird grips to it?
It's really kind of interesting.
Yeah, he's messing with it, but you could see when he's holding it in his hand what it looks like.
Is that it?
I think that's a different video than the one I saw.
Maybe it's not.
He was on a couch.
Yeah, there it is.
And you see the thing.
It doesn't look like any other phone you've ever seen before.
Yeah, there you go.
See the sides of it?
It's got ripples.
Like finger slots.
hannibal buress
Yeah.
jamie vernon
It's real big, too.
unidentified
Huge!
jamie vernon
It's way bigger than the iPhone, like the biggest iPhone now.
joe rogan
He's got big hands, so you can't tell as much.
hannibal buress
I got tiny hands.
I'd be dropping this shit.
joe rogan
Do you?
unidentified
Which one?
joe rogan
You have a regular iPhone?
hannibal buress
Yeah, I didn't get the big phone.
unidentified
You don't even have the big one.
hannibal buress
Yeah, because my hands can't handle that shit.
joe rogan
You gotta two-hand it.
hannibal buress
Yeah.
joe rogan
But there's so much.
It's so worth it if you go online.
Like, if you go online and you want to read something online, it's just so much better with a big screen.
It's just the experience and looking at pictures and videos of fireworks and shit.
Yeah.
jamie vernon
Just the holographic display is interesting.
I'm a little worried, too, that they announced something they won't be able to deliver on, which happens from time to time.
joe rogan
Oh, Jamie's Mistress Capical.
hannibal buress
Look at the size difference.
That thing's giant.
The red marketing person went from really excited to...
joe rogan
Got mad at Jamie.
unidentified
We'll see.
Fuck you.
Fuck you, Jamie.
hannibal buress
A full-on hype piece until...
I don't know if they're going to be able to do it.
joe rogan
You're going to get a bunch of eggs on Twitter with zero posts.
Like, fuck you, young Jamie.
Piece of shit.
Yeah.
That Galaxy Note 8 looks insane, too.
That's coming out real soon.
That's, like, almost out.
jamie vernon
They don't still make the airplane announcements about the things, do they?
No.
joe rogan
That was a 7. Yeah.
They don't make it anymore.
Pretty much everybody's gotten rid of that thing.
If you're a holdout, you're like, I don't give a fuck.
I charge it, but I charge it in a...
I take a pot from my stove.
I charge it in that fucking thing just in case you catch this fire.
unidentified
Oh.
joe rogan
Put it in the fireplace.
jamie vernon
Did you see that little video showing how people to, if they're in the floods, how to still charge their phones off of a 9-volt battery?
hannibal buress
No.
In a key.
In a key, yeah.
jamie vernon
What?
It looks sketchy, but it works.
hannibal buress
You can do it?
How do you do it?
Yeah, 9-volt battery.
In a car charger.
I'm on the internet too much.
I need to unplug.
joe rogan
It does happen.
hannibal buress
Oh, it was a different lady that showed it.
joe rogan
Okay, so she's got a car charger, and she takes the car charger and sticks it on the end of a 9-volt battery, like one of the slots.
And then puts a key in the other slot.
jamie vernon
I think you've got to touch it together to get the circuit.
joe rogan
What if this lady just burst into flames and lost her eyelids?
jamie vernon
So you can get electrocuted by doing this, is what I've heard.
So yeah, be careful.
joe rogan
Even from a 9-volt battery, you can?
jamie vernon
It obviously won't be a big charge, I don't think, but it will charge the phone if you need it.
joe rogan
So she touches the two of them together.
Wow, that works.
That's crazy.
That's nuts.
jamie vernon
So if you're in a pinch and all you've got is a 9-volt battery and you need to call 911...
joe rogan
Why don't they make a battery adapter for an iPhone?
Why don't they make a little thing where you can plug a 9-volt battery into it?
Just go to a store, buy a battery, plug that fucker in, and charge your phone.
Does anybody have that?
How do they not have that?
Because they have those banks, you know, those power banks that you can plug your shit into.
jamie vernon
It seems like somebody would have this.
joe rogan
Have you seen that new luggage that you could ride?
Have you seen that shit?
jamie vernon
Turns it into a scooter?
joe rogan
Yes.
It's fucking amazing.
hannibal buress
How much is that?
joe rogan
I don't know.
I retweeted it the other day, though.
It was on Mashable.
And I was like, get the fuck out of here.
That thing goes eight miles an hour.
You sit on that fucker and you ride around the airport with it.
unidentified
That's legit.
hannibal buress
That's one way to stunt.
That's one way to handle a layover.
joe rogan
Drive around the airport until your luggage runs out of batteries.
But you can also use the battery charging of that, the battery, and you use it to charge your phone.
Like, you can plug your phone into that.
That alone is worth it.
Like, always having battery power right there, connected to your luggage.
That's a lot of these luggages are doing that now.
Look at that.
Get the fuck out of here.
hannibal buress
And that's a carry-on?
joe rogan
Yes!
These people are having a good old time.
hannibal buress
I have to go.
joe rogan
Oh, come on.
I gotta get online immediately and buy this.
unidentified
Come on.
joe rogan
What is it called?
A mod?
Moto bag?
Come on.
Look.
See?
She's fitting her stuff in there, and then she drives off.
Whee!
But look at this.
She can plug into it.
That's what I like.
jamie vernon
I want to see you ride that in an airport, though.
I think it would be fucking hilarious.
joe rogan
You don't think I'd do it?
jamie vernon
I don't know.
joe rogan
You don't know if I'd do it?
What?
It does that?
What was that?
She had a gyroscope.
Is that real?
hannibal buress
I'm getting that.
joe rogan
Back up a little bit.
Right there.
jamie vernon
Oh, they're just next to a Segway just to show you.
hannibal buress
Is there a standing option?
joe rogan
Can you stand up?
hannibal buress
Can the handlebars go up and then...
Oh, see, this is why that doesn't work because I got that fail.
joe rogan
Yeah, but this is a guy that's just rolling around on it like an asshole.
Oh, this is that dude that's on YouTube.
Who's that guy?
hannibal buress
Casey something.
joe rogan
Yeah, he's famous on YouTube.
Is that his apartment?
jamie vernon
That's his office.
joe rogan
Whoa.
What is he doing in there?
Making a Frankenstein's monster?
jamie vernon
He makes all kinds of videos and films and shit.
He's been making movies on YouTube and HBO for 15 years or something.
joe rogan
He's got a crazy workshop, man.
Is he in Brooklyn or something?
Is he one of those dudes?
jamie vernon
Manhattan, Broadway, somewhere like that.
joe rogan
Interesting.
jamie vernon
Yeah, he's got nine screens.
Godfather's always on right there.
joe rogan
Oh yeah?
The Godfather is always on?
jamie vernon
Godfather 1 and 2 on a constant loop.
It's like a screensaver.
hannibal buress
I'm about to go buy the scooter, man.
joe rogan
Let's wrap this up.
Hannibal, tell everybody where you're going to be if they want to see you go do stand-up.
hannibal buress
Oh, I'll be...
I'm going to be in...
Camden, New Jersey, and Bristow, Virginia with Lauryn Hill and Nas, September 14th and 15th.
Do you talk to Lauryn Hill about taxes?
I haven't talked to her.
We haven't done any dates together yet.
joe rogan
Are you going to ask her about taxes?
hannibal buress
I don't know.
They locked her up.
They did lock her up for taxes.
That's a weird backstage convo for a first meeting.
Hey, so, uh, taxes and stuff, that's crazy.
Locked her up.
In a jail.
In jail.
joe rogan
For like a while.
hannibal buress
For a couple years, I think.
joe rogan
Yeah.
hannibal buress
But yeah.
joe rogan
Now she's out.
hannibal buress
She's out and touring.
Somehow it's me, Lauryn Hill, Nas.
joe rogan
That's amazing.
hannibal buress
On a tour.
I think Chromix is one of the other acts.
We'll be in Seattle, Bay Area, Miami, San Diego, playing Hollywood Bowl, October 5th.
joe rogan
Beautiful.
hannibal buress
And all my dates, HannibalBarris.com.
So check me out this fall.
joe rogan
Check them out, ladies and gentlemen.
hannibal buress
Thanks, yo.
joe rogan
My pleasure.
All right, folks.
This fucking podcast is over.
Live your lives.
Thank you so much.
unidentified
Bye-bye.
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