Aug. 1, 2017 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:45:39
| 
| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
| Oh, shit. | ||
| Here we go. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ian Edwards, back from Montreal. | |
| Back from another country. | ||
| What up, man? | ||
| What's up, brother? | ||
| Good to see you, man. | ||
| Good to see you, man. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| I was in Montreal at the Comedy Festival. | ||
| First of all... | ||
| Canada is right there. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But it's such a hard country to get into. | ||
| It's very hard to get into. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| Yeah, they don't want any douchebags. | ||
| They have a zero douchebag policy. | ||
| But listen, I saw the ex-mayor of Montreal, right, in Walking Down Sunset, in front of the comedy store, the one that was on crack. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Is that the Toronto guy? | ||
| The Toronto guy. | ||
| Rob Ford? | ||
| You saw that guy? | ||
| Yeah, I saw that guy one day walking by the comedy store and everybody took pictures with him and he was the mayor and he did crack. | ||
| There's tape of it, right? | ||
| Right. | ||
| So how the fuck did he get here? | ||
| But Canada won't even take a drunk driver from us. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| Well, I think crack, you're probably a better driver when you're on crack. | ||
| You're just more expeditious. | ||
| You get things done. | ||
| If you commit a crime, you can't get into Canada. | ||
| If you have a DUI, like Patrice had a DUI. Well, not Patrice, but I know people that have DUIs that can't get into Canada. | ||
| Oh yeah, it's super common. | ||
| It's super common. | ||
| You can't work there, you can't get in there. | ||
| Diaz can't get up there. | ||
| Say again? | ||
| Joey Diaz, he can't get up there. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But he's got like some real shit. | ||
| Right, he's got some real shit. | ||
| Armed kidnapping. | ||
| But that's why I say DUI, because even though DUIs are serious, the ones where you get convicted... | ||
| But you do your probation period and you get your license back. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Even when you get your license back, you can't get into Canada. | ||
| But somebody who was the mayor and sold crack, and I know other Canadians that probably committed crimes, can be in here. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Why the fuck is it so tough for me to get into Canada? | ||
| When I got to the airport, they... | ||
| I've been to Canada before. | ||
| So when I got to the airport, they had me to try to fill out some immigration form. | ||
| And it's three hours. | ||
| I was like two and a half hours early, thank God. | ||
| Then they want me to fill out this form on my phone online. | ||
| It's like 40-something questions. | ||
| Online? | ||
| Online. | ||
| It's the new way to do it? | ||
| It's the new way to do it. | ||
| Well, again, I got a British passport. | ||
| So everybody that just had a straight American passport... | ||
| Went in. | ||
| How does that work? | ||
| You have like a Jamaica passport? | ||
| Is that what it is? | ||
| No, I got a British one. | ||
| Oh, from England? | ||
| From England, yeah. | ||
| And so now when you're in America from England, like how does it work? | ||
| They give you like a... | ||
| I have a green card. | ||
| So you're not a full American citizen? | ||
| No, I'm like a permanent resident earlier. | ||
| So I can't talk about certain shit with you. | ||
| Why not? | ||
| Because then it's like treasonous. | ||
| I gotta be careful. | ||
| I gotta be careful. | ||
| You're from another land. | ||
| Nah, man, I'm here. | ||
| You're from another nation. | ||
| Nah, man, I'm here. | ||
| Isn't that odd? | ||
| I mean, that's really odd. | ||
| Like, here's a perfect example. | ||
| Perfect example. | ||
| I didn't know that you were born in England. | ||
| If you told me, I forgot. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You probably forgot. | ||
| I probably forgot. | ||
| And people forget. | ||
| We forget facts about each other. | ||
| Well, especially that kind of fact, because it doesn't mean anything. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It doesn't mean anything. | ||
| But, like, automatically, like, in the grand scheme of things, I'm supposed to look at you like, oh, you're on the other team. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You're over here. | ||
| You could be one of those embedded people. | ||
| I just read about these Russians, man. | ||
| These Russians in New Jersey. | ||
| Did you hear about this? | ||
| I'm not Russian anymore. | ||
| Dude, I'm not trusting English people either anymore. | ||
| The Russians were in, I want to say, Montclair, like a nice area of New Jersey. | ||
| And they were a regular family. | ||
| The Russian family. | ||
| But they weren't really this regular family. | ||
| They were actually embedded Soviet spies. | ||
| Well, that sounds like the Americans. | ||
| Look at that shit. | ||
| Russian spies, New Jersey home, heading for sale. | ||
| Damn, don't buy that house. | ||
| You want someone to watch you fuck? | ||
| You might find money and shit in there. | ||
| There's gonna be cameras that watch the shit come out of your asshole. | ||
| There's probably cameras everywhere. | ||
| Watch the shit come out of your asshole. | ||
| I mean, come on, man. | ||
| You can't get a Russian house from some Russian spies. | ||
| You gotta be like a crazy person. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| He might find some hidden spaces with money and shit in there. | ||
| Yeah, maybe feel like a total voyeur. | ||
| What has he said? | ||
| He said that he doesn't expect the Russian spy connection to help or hurt the sale. | ||
| Bitch, you're out of your fucking mind. | ||
| I mean, that's not the worst thing that can happen to a house. | ||
| It's just a bunch of, you know, spies. | ||
| Nobody's, hopefully, nobody's murdered in the house. | ||
| But when someone's murdered in the house, good luck selling that house. | ||
| You get the price down. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Phew! | |
| You're better off just burning it to the ground, smashing that thing, and then rebuilding a new house. | ||
| And even then people don't want to live there because that's where the old house where the dude got killed used to be. | ||
| Let me ask you, how old is your house? | ||
| Is it brand new? | ||
| Did you the first person in there? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| I think it was made in the 70s. | ||
| 70s? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Do you know if anybody was murdered there or died there? | ||
| I've never seen a ghost. | ||
| I think they have to inform you. | ||
| But there's a moratorium. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What's that? | |
| There's a website you can look it up. | ||
| I just heard about it. | ||
| I'm not sure if it doesn't ask you if you knew about it. | ||
| A website where you can find out if somebody died in your house? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That's a good move. | ||
|
unidentified
|
When and when it was. | |
| Yeah, like... | ||
| Do you remember that... | ||
| This one always got to me, man. | ||
| That... | ||
| Those brothers that shot their parents, the Menendez brothers. | ||
| One of them had a wig on. | ||
| Remember, he had this glorious fake head of hair. | ||
| They made him take it off when he went to jail. | ||
| It was a really crazy story because they shotgunned their own parents. | ||
| I'm like, whoa, man, how the fuck does that happen? | ||
|
unidentified
|
The one on the left has a total wig. | |
| I mean, you look at it now, you go, oh, I get it. | ||
| No, the one on the right was just blessed. | ||
| Just straight up blessed with some curly locks. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| What the fuck, man? | ||
| Those sons shotgun their fucking parents, man. | ||
| Do you know what Kirk Fox used to teach them tennis? | ||
| That's right. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| I do somehow vaguely remember that. | ||
| So he has a whole story about teaching them tennis. | ||
| Dude, that scares the shit out of me that people could do that. | ||
| It doesn't scare the shit out of me nearly as much that people can get so angry at someone that they could shoot them. | ||
| But it scares the shit out of me that someone could do that to their dad. | ||
| And their mom, too, right? | ||
| Didn't they shoot the mom, too? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jesus, they shot. | |
| They were adopted, right? | ||
| Were they? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think the Menendez brothers were adopted. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I think they're just trying to get money. | ||
| Oh, what is that? | ||
| Sexual and psychological abuse they had suffered at the hands of their parents? | ||
| Oh, well, there you go. | ||
| I know, it's like you always want to immediately blame it on the kids. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Because they killed their parents, but the parents could have been fucking monsters. | ||
| Yeah, you never know. | ||
| Oh, well, they have to be monsters. | ||
| I mean, if you think about it, how do you make a kid that is capable of shooting you in your sleep? | ||
| You've got to raise that kid horribly. | ||
| Unless you just, by dumb luck, have two complete genetic psychopaths from birth that you could have done nothing to fix. | ||
| You've got two guys that are willing to shoot you while you're sleeping, and you raise them from the time they were babies? | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| Anyway, I was gonna say their house. | ||
| Yeah, I wonder what happened to their house. | ||
| Burnt that fucking thing to the ground, probably. | ||
| I wonder what happened to, like, Nicole Simpson's house. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh! | |
| I think it's still there. | ||
| Did somebody live there? | ||
| Wasn't Nicole Simpsons, was that a house or was that outside an apartment building? | ||
| It was a condo. | ||
| It was a condo. | ||
| Goddamn, man. | ||
| That's a weird one because that's like it's a public building. | ||
| You gotta just deal with it. | ||
| People just deal with it. | ||
| Is that apartment like still empty? | ||
| Hers? | ||
| Nah. | ||
| He killed them on the street, right? | ||
| He killed them outside. | ||
| But every time you go home, you have to step over a crime scene to walk into your house. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hmm. | |
| And you've seen the pictures. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know the history. | ||
| Every time an OJ documentary comes out, or every time they have an OJ series on TV, or when his parole hearing comes up, you're like, walking over the doorway into that house. | ||
| So I wonder, like, I want to talk to the person who doesn't give a fuck and lives in that motherfucker. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Yeah, it doesn't bother him at all. | ||
| Like a deal's a deal, baby. | ||
|
unidentified
|
This house is badass. | |
| That is Sprintwood. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Listen, she should have been nicer to him. | ||
| Damn. | ||
| Did you ever see the autopsy photos? | ||
| Uh, did I? Don't. | ||
| No? | ||
| If you haven't, don't. | ||
| It's not worth it. | ||
| You get it. | ||
| I saw the murder scene photos. | ||
| It's just so hard to believe that someone could do that to someone. | ||
| Yeah, it's pretty crazy. | ||
| That they cared about, that they had babies with. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Just people get crazy. | ||
| It's Game of Thrones out here. | ||
| But just rarely. | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
| It's like every week, it's the Game of Thrones. | ||
| It's normal on the Game of Thrones, which I just started watching in. | ||
| You did? | ||
| Yeah, I didn't know what the fuck was going on, man. | ||
| I started watching this new season. | ||
| I was like, I forgot everything. | ||
| I've started watching it, like a few months ago, I started watching it over from the beginning. | ||
| That's what you should do. | ||
| Watch it from season one and you see how much stuff you didn't know or didn't understand or didn't realize. | ||
| Because Game of Thrones, they don't give a fuck. | ||
| They'll introduce a new character and have him talk to a regular character like they've been talking for a while. | ||
| And you're like, did I miss something? | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| But then if you go back, you know, no, that guy is new. | ||
| I'm not supposed to know him. | ||
| It's like homework. | ||
| You gotta do research to understand that show. | ||
| Well, these kind of shows have kind of stopped my interest in movies. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, movies are okay, but a movie's 90 minutes. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| Or two hours. | ||
| It's over. | ||
| When it's over, I'm done. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But these goddamn things get you infested. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, I'm not, like... | ||
| What is this? | ||
| A nerd. | ||
| HBO hacked upcoming episodes. | ||
| Game of Thrones data leaked online. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Be careful what you look at now. | |
| It's all out there. | ||
| So the results, like the scripts, is that what they mean by data? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, no, like the shows. | |
| Oh, no. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The actual... | |
| Yeah, like they have them. | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| There was a big hack recently. | ||
| Some other shows got taken, too. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| They should just edit offline. | ||
| Oh, my goodness. | ||
| Monsters. | ||
| You monsters. | ||
| How dare you? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Be careful. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Some whiz kid, right? | ||
| Probably from China. | ||
| Something like that. | ||
| Yeah, we can't compete anymore. | ||
| Russia's kicking everybody out of Russia. | ||
| You hear about that shit? | ||
| They are. | ||
| All the people that are working at the embassy. | ||
| 75 American delegates or whatever they would be called. | ||
| I'm sure they're happy to go home. | ||
| Yeah, they're like, get me the fuck out of here. | ||
| Unless they got something going on. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Got some crazy fake Russian life over there. | ||
| Just like the people in Montclair. | ||
| 755. 755 diplomats. | ||
| What does that mean? | ||
| Are we going to war with Russia? | ||
| Nah. | ||
| Come on, man. | ||
| They've got, in Montclair, right? | ||
| They got a house. | ||
| People just living there. | ||
| What happened to those people in that house? | ||
| Did they kick them out? | ||
| Put them in jail? | ||
| I think they put them in jail. | ||
| Go back to that story. | ||
| Like, how'd they find out they were spies? | ||
| That's a good question, man. | ||
| That's a real good question. | ||
| They just went to the house sale? | ||
| Like, whoa, give me some explanation here, y'all. | ||
| It says their story partially inspired the FX drama The Americans about two undercover Russian spies living in the U.S. with two young children. | ||
| That's a fucking amazing show. | ||
| Is it really? | ||
| The Americans is... | ||
| So fucking amazing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Yeah, man. | ||
| What's it on? | ||
|
unidentified
|
FX. It's right in front of me. | |
| Vladimir and Lydia... | ||
| How do you say that name? | ||
| Guryev. | ||
| Vladimir and Lydia Guryev lived in the home in Montclair under the names Richard and Cynthia Murphy. | ||
| Hi, we're Richard and Cynthia Murphy. | ||
| Hi. | ||
| I wonder what they talked like before they arrested in 2010, along with eight other spies accused of leading double lives, complete with false passports, secret code words, fake names, invisible ink, and encrypted radio. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| Invisible ink. | ||
| Dude, what kind of weird ass life is that? | ||
| It's weird to think that there's someone that could be a spy in your neighborhood and that he thinks that you're the enemy because you're born over here and he was born over there. | ||
| You know, just like what we were talking about with you having a passport from England. | ||
| But what's in Jersey that they're living in Jersey and doing this shit? | ||
| Like, who are they close to? | ||
| Well, Jersey's close to New York, first of all. | ||
| And there's a lot of very wealthy people that live in Montclair. | ||
| I believe Montclair is a very nice area. | ||
| Google that. | ||
| Should be. | ||
| My uncle used to have a pottery studio. | ||
| A pottery studio? | ||
| In Montclair. | ||
| That is some rich white shit. | ||
| Well, it was more like hippie artist stuff. | ||
| He's an art teacher. | ||
| He used to teach art in school. | ||
| I don't think it was in high school. | ||
| I think high school. | ||
| What's that? | ||
| How do I look that up? | ||
| Montclair, New Jersey. | ||
| What's that word they use? | ||
| Medium income? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Look up that. | ||
| I think it's a baller place. | ||
| I think it's like Beverly Hills. | ||
| It's like the Beverly Hills of New Jersey. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Maybe I'm exaggerating. | |
| That's a lot of money. | ||
| For the average, that probably means a lot of rich people. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's probably a lot of rich people. | ||
| That's just one poor rich person that brought that price down. | ||
| Maybe these... | ||
| Why do you think they do it? | ||
| Okay, let's take a guess. | ||
| Do you think they sneak in, they become spies, they get tight with rich people, and then, you know, like, look, I know a family that had Ted fucking Cruz over their house for some event they were holding. | ||
| This is like... | ||
| Like a year or so before the election maybe two years before the election like these people were so baller They had Ted Cruz give like one of those stupid stump speeches in their house For money. | ||
| To raise money. | ||
| To raise money. | ||
| They're like big pro-Israel supporters. | ||
| They have Ted Cruz in their house talking about Israel. | ||
| Very trippy shit. | ||
| Like very trippy shit. | ||
| Like you're literally hanging out in your house with a guy that might be running the nukes. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, so, if you're a Russian spy, you can get tight with that dude. | ||
| You can hang with that dude. | ||
| Hey, Frank, is Ted Cruz really coming over your mind? | ||
| I'll tell you what. | ||
| It makes a lot of sense. | ||
| There's a lot of his policies that I'm really agreeing with. | ||
| Then you just call up the Russian embassy, send me some money so I can donate to Ted Cruz and get close to Ted Cruz. | ||
| And you just bring in a truckload of Vietnamese hookers. | ||
| Just back it up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Beep! | |
| Beep! | ||
| Get Ted all fucked up on that same meth that Rob Ford had. | ||
| It's hilarious. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Get the party rolling. | ||
| Start filming. | ||
| Start filming, Ted. | ||
| We need to know. | ||
| Start having blackmail info on Ted Cruz. | ||
| Yeah, we need to know we can count on you. | ||
| Everybody keeps getting fired from the White House. | ||
| Does anybody understand what the fuck is going on over there? | ||
| Yeah, was anybody fired today yet? | ||
| There's a meme, that Scaramucci guy, however you say his name, there's a meme of him where he's going like that, like with his mouth up like, uh, uh, and it said, if you get this job, where do you see yourself in 10 days? | ||
| Hilarious, that's funny. | ||
| How do you hire a guy who clearly looks like he's done coke? | ||
| Does he? | ||
| He looks like a wolf of Wall Street. | ||
| Yeah, he looks like a wolf of Wall Street. | ||
| Look at him. | ||
| Like, this is the guy? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Just on looks alone. | ||
| Like, this cocky. | ||
| He's a hedge fund jock, you know? | ||
| He follows everybody online. | ||
| He probably follows you. | ||
| Hilarious. | ||
| He follows me. | ||
| He does? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yep. | |
| Yeah, that makes sense. | ||
| I think he follows everybody. | ||
| He follows like 150,000 people. | ||
| Would you ever have him on the show? | ||
| Of course. | ||
| Yeah, that's a great guess. | ||
| I would love to talk to one of those dudes. | ||
| Find out what it's like in there. | ||
| Especially a guy who's in there for like 10 days. | ||
| This guy will talk. | ||
| Well, I have had a hedge fund guy. | ||
| I've had that Peter Schiff guy on before, Financial Wizard. | ||
| He's coming on again. | ||
| He's an interesting cat. | ||
| He's a big-time Wall Street guy. | ||
| I mean, he's got some gigantic firm that employs who knows how many fucking people. | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| But he's also always on television breaking down what's wrong with financial bubbles, like the real estate bubble. | ||
| He called all that shit, the subprime mortgage bubble. | ||
| He called all that shit years ago. | ||
| He's like, this is going to fall apart. | ||
| I'm calling the Netflix bubble right now. | ||
| Ooh, how dare you? | ||
| It can't sustain itself. | ||
| You're not the only one, by the way. | ||
| All right, cool. | ||
| There was an article that was out just yesterday about debt. | ||
| There was something about Netflix being in debt. | ||
| I think it was said it was someone at the Times did an investigation and it was just like they found out they're $20 billion in debt. | ||
| How's that possible? | ||
| Because they're spending so much money on these shows, man, and promoting them. | ||
| And it's like, listen, they just celebrated a few months ago their hundredth million customer, like whatever they call it. | ||
| Hundred million? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So that means they make... | ||
| Like if Facebook had that, Facebook would be laughing. | ||
| Because Facebook's got how many subscribers? | ||
| Right, but there's a big difference. | ||
| Facebook doesn't get $9 a month from you. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Each one of those hundred million people are giving $9 a month. | ||
| That's $900 million a month. | ||
| I'm not good at math, but I think that's... | ||
| That's almost a billion dollars a month. | ||
| That's $12 billion a year. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Or maybe $10. | ||
| $10 billion a year. | ||
| It's an insane amount of money. | ||
| You know what it is? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| This is what it is. | ||
| Man. | ||
| Man is so valuable. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I know. | ||
| Even when something can work, like, they make systems that work. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But the problem with those systems is that humans run those systems. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And they are so fallible that they fuck shit up. | ||
| Is that the right way to say that word? | ||
| Fallible? | ||
| Probably not. | ||
| Sounds perfect, though. | ||
| But, yeah, it sounds good. | ||
| I know exactly what you're saying. | ||
| Don't look it up, people. | ||
| Fallible? | ||
| I always thought it was fallible. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It was fallible. | |
| It must be my British, Jamaican accent makes things sound different. | ||
| But there's always those words that you never say, but you see written, and you know the word. | ||
| Be like, how am I saying this? | ||
| Like, I know what this is, but I don't say it. | ||
| Can't come up with a good example. | ||
| That is one of them. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| It's funny. | ||
| I don't remember ever saying that word. | ||
| Oh, Reuters. | ||
| Reuters is one. | ||
| Like, I never say Reuters, like the Reuters news source, but when I look at it, I go, okay, I know what that is. | ||
| I've read it a thousand times, but how do I say that? | ||
| Routers? | ||
| Rooters? | ||
| Rooters sounds right. | ||
| It is the right way to say it. | ||
| That's what everybody says it. | ||
| But when left to my own devices, especially, I'll just, how the fuck do I pronounce this? | ||
| I have way too much totally useless information going around inside my head. | ||
| I've got to do some spring cleaning. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I've got to throw away some childhood memories. | |
| I gotta throw away some childhood memories that are not serving me. | ||
| It's hilarious. | ||
| They're just taking up space in my head. | ||
| You run out of hard drive space, man. | ||
| Yeah, you do. | ||
| Every day you're looking at some new story. | ||
| Every day there's some new thing going on. | ||
| And especially if you're trying to follow Game of Thrones, and maybe House of Cards 2, and maybe Stranger Things. | ||
| I remember when I used to remember everything. | ||
| Like, I could remember every movie, every part of every movie, every part of my childhood. | ||
| And then now, somebody said, remember that time we did this? | ||
| And I'm like, you were there? | ||
| Like, I remember the time, but I don't remember that you were there, but I guess you were. | ||
| Like, now my memory's full. | ||
| I need to go to the Mac store and have some shit added. | ||
| Yeah, but if you were like an old farmer, you'd remember all that shit. | ||
| It was just every day getting up, milking the cows, picking the eggs, killing a sheep or something for dinner. | ||
| You would have those memories. | ||
| Because you're in that same spot every day thinking about your childhood. | ||
| Yeah, and you're away from all the distractions and shit that could come in your head. | ||
| Yeah, no books. | ||
| No books? | ||
| No, no. | ||
| You gotta eat cheese and go to sleep. | ||
| They should probably just read one book, like, over and over. | ||
| They got five books. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The Bible's all you need. | |
| It's an amazing storybook. | ||
| It is written in storybook form. | ||
| Well, it's what it was. | ||
| The Bible is a fascinating book in that you start off with someone telling stories for like a thousand years before you write it down, and then you got a bunch of really old versions of the story. | ||
| No one's sure which ones to use. | ||
| They got the version that's in the Dead Sea Scrolls. | ||
| That's the oldest versions of some of those stories, and it's one of the only I think maybe the only one that's written in Aramaic. | ||
| Oh, right. | ||
| And they found it in these clay pots in Qumran. | ||
| And Qumran is an area in Israel. | ||
| So they have these little caves, and they would find these clay pots. | ||
| And in these clay pots, they got these scrolls that are made out of animal skins, a lot of them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| So they take these scrolls out. | ||
| It's so crazy. | ||
| It takes like, I think it took them like 14 to 15 years just to piece it together. | ||
| Damn. | ||
| Dude, they're all broken up and shit and they couldn't figure out what goes with what. | ||
| So they had to take DNA tests on the actual pieces of animal skin so they could tell, okay, well this is some skin from this animal. | ||
| So let's concentrate on this. | ||
| All these pieces have been genetically tested to be from this animal. | ||
| So let's put these together because they're probably the same scroll. | ||
| And they have to figure out how to take these crumbs and chunks that are just thousands of years old. | ||
| And I'm supposed to trust this? | ||
| Well, not only that, it's also you're reading it in an ancient, ancient language. | ||
| You're reading it in also the references and the way people thought back then. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Then they have like the oldest version of the the Hebrew Bible is Like the the very oldest versions were written in ancient Hebrew and ancient Hebrew is crazy because it has numbers as well as letters So like like if you have a letter a it's also the number one. | ||
| It's all the same It's all linked in so like when you have a word like words have like a numerical value And if I'm butchering this, if anyone's an ancient Hebrew representative, but Ari and I discussed this for a couple times, because Ari, you know, went to, what is it called, like, that thing that they send him off to, that religious camp when he was, you know, Ari was like a serious, serious Orthodox Jew. | ||
| Oh, so that's why he's such a serious atheist now. | ||
| Oh, you're such a freak now. | ||
| But that's exactly why. | ||
| But, so, like, their words had numerical value. | ||
| So, like, the word God and the word love, they have the same numerical value. | ||
| So, you know, like, with, you know, the letter L, the letter O, and they all have, like, numbers. | ||
| Like, we can't even think like that because none of our words have numerical value. | ||
| But, like, the actual meaning of a word has more value with more numbers to it. | ||
| It's really interesting. | ||
| All that stuff's lost. | ||
| On our stupid, goofy language, because when they translated it to Latin, they translated it to Greek or to English, it's all kind of lost. | ||
| And then who was translating this shit? | ||
| Everything is based off, like, what your goal is, or what your perception of the world is, and where you're from and how you were raised, and what you want this thing to mean to people. | ||
| You can't get away from that. | ||
| So if you're the person putting this stuff together and translating it, how do you not let your influence influence this thing? | ||
| You do, right? | ||
| You tweak it a little. | ||
| You tweak it. | ||
| You want it to mean the things that it means to you. | ||
| Even if you just want people to believe this is an ancient scroll that you found. | ||
| And this goes back to you finding it and it goes to your name and to your legacy. | ||
| Well, there's also massive amounts of evidence of people looking at something and then having a distorted perception of what that something means and having that bend in their favor. | ||
| Right, exactly. | ||
| There's just like so many points of evidence. | ||
| I do that with all my relationships. | ||
| I mean, how many people think that they're the victim? | ||
| How many people are just running around thinking the world's against them? | ||
| Total victim in my relationships. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So that's just evidence of biased thinking. | ||
| If you have biased thinking in regards to the way that the God of gods wants to govern humanity and our behavior and how we should behave with each other and treat each other, if you're going to let your own personal ego and biases get in the way, which it absolutely did. | ||
| There's shit written in the Bible that treats women as second-class citizens. | ||
| It condones slavery. | ||
| There's no... | ||
| Talking about slavery as if it's some horrible thing that has to be like banished right this can like there's in the ancient Hebrew Bible They condone slavery this there's really nothing bad about being about having slaves It's like God doesn't come and kill you but God will kill you if you wear two different types of cloth I know like like they'll burn witches Like, you know what? | ||
| You're a witch. | ||
| Why? | ||
| Because I said you're a witch. | ||
| But you know what's not evil? | ||
| Slaves. | ||
| Yeah, the Inquisition. | ||
| Capturing people. | ||
| The Inquisition. | ||
| During the Inquisition, they weren't torturing people because they had slaves. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Because they thought they were witches. | ||
| They were torturing people because they just didn't believe enough. | ||
| They didn't believe the right way. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Or they caught you doing something. | ||
| Or if you wanted to get rid of somebody that, say somebody had a job that you wanted, a position that you wanted, If you could prove that that person slandered God or blasphemed or anything, then you're out. | ||
| That's the standard maneuver, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You get the government to get rid of this person for you. | ||
| That's how you get shit like North Korea, and that's how you get shit like ISIS. You know, you just, everybody turning on everybody. | ||
| Everybody trying to figure out a way that they can use their power. | ||
| But that's what's kind of happening in America, too. | ||
| A little bit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There was an article in the, I think it was the New Yorker, just like two days ago. | ||
| The Senator. | ||
| Was it a senator who wrote it? | ||
| I just read an article last night. | ||
| It's a Republican senator, and he said when Obama was president, the Republicans made a concerted effort to just push the Republican agenda and make Obama a one-term president. | ||
| And now that Trump has hijacked their party, they're kind of turning a blind eye at the things that they wouldn't have if... | ||
| Obama was president just because Trump is the Republican candidate. | ||
| And he's like, where are our loyalties, to our party or to this country? | ||
| Because we're kind of like fucking up the country, you know? | ||
| And it's kind of like when Obama was president, no matter what you think of him, If he was a good president, right? | ||
| Say he's a good president. | ||
| Because he's not your person, you're going to shut down the things that he's doing to get your party in power. | ||
| You don't give a fuck. | ||
| Because all you care about is your party winning. | ||
| And now that Trump is president, the Democrats are taking the same thing from the same book. | ||
| And I'm not even saying Trump is a good president, but I'm just saying everybody's turning on everybody. | ||
| Yeah, they're all trying to figure out a way to win so they get their agenda forward. | ||
| And that's not the country's agenda. | ||
| No. | ||
| At all. | ||
| So we're destroying... | ||
| We're destroying each other. | ||
| Well, there's definitely like a battle between the two sides right now, you know? | ||
| I mean, there's a lot of people that are getting excited by it. | ||
| They take... | ||
| They have not just a vested interest in it, but it becomes like a part of their identity to be a part of the resistance to fighting against this evil empire. | ||
| But at the detriment of... | ||
| But maybe not. | ||
| I mean, it really depends. | ||
| Because when you put a tremendous amount of pressure on someone, like they're putting on Trump... | ||
| Whether you agree with it or not, it forces that person to realize that there's people like that out there and you adjust accordingly. | ||
| It moves the tide a couple of degrees one way or the other. | ||
| It just does. | ||
| The idea that we're not culturally malleable, that our culture doesn't shift back and forth, it certainly does. | ||
| Things that used to be totally acceptable are now completely taboo. | ||
| And that's just over the course of the last decade or so. | ||
| So I think that even the far left, it's all necessary. | ||
| It just doesn't seem necessary because we're caught up in it and we can see. | ||
| If we just meet in the middle somewhere, it can all be... | ||
| But if you just looked at this thing objectively, not like a human being even. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Look at it like a mathematic problem. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You would say, oh well there's this complete constant shift of energy. | ||
| It goes left and right and left and right like some crazy ping-pong game. | ||
| Occasionally it goes right and then right again. | ||
| Very rarely like Reagan and then Bush Senior, but then it bounces itself out and goes left again. | ||
| It's this weird battle and along the way, if you look at it, like if you really step away from it, along the way there are incremental changes that are moving in a good direction. | ||
| It's just hard to see them because there's a lot of bad shit happening. | ||
| Yeah, I get that. | ||
| And then we only hear about... | ||
| The stuff, the bad stuff, because each side is just trying to get points from the other side. | ||
| But I'm just saying that when one party, no matter what party, is trying to do something good, even if it's something good, then the people from the other party are going to be against it, because they don't want that party to score that good point. | ||
| So then they knock that off the table, and that thing that could help people is never going to help people. | ||
| I think it's also a part of having two teams. | ||
| Think if there was way more teams, if there was like 20 or 30 different parties, we'd be way better off. | ||
| Think we'd be better off? | ||
| Yeah, politicians are spread across 20 or 30 different parties instead of jammed into one or the other, or the freaks that are independent or a green party. | ||
| Like, get the fuck out of here with your green party. | ||
| That's goofy. | ||
| No one's going to elect a Green Party president. | ||
| All the bankers are going to put a stop to that. | ||
| This guy's just going to steal money from us. | ||
| Fuck this. | ||
| He's going to give it to penguins and shit. | ||
| He's going to give our money to penguins. | ||
| Yeah, so you got really three choices. | ||
| You got independent, which is so rare. | ||
| The only person I could think ever winning as an independent right now, honestly, would be someone like Trump or like Elon Musk or like Mark Cuban. | ||
| Yeah, Trump is basically an independent who hijacked the Republican Party. | ||
| Well, he voted Democrat, like, his whole life. | ||
| He was pro-choice, like, his whole life. | ||
| You know, it's like he's been on the side of Democratic issues forever. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I mean, I saw the video where he said... | ||
| I saw the video, right? | ||
| The day before... | ||
| I saw it twice. | ||
| The last time I saw it was the day... | ||
| Before the election where he said if I was gonna run I would run as a Republican because Republicans are stupid and blah blah blah. | ||
| I saw that video like him being interviewed. | ||
| I tell you the next day that shit was scrubbed from the internet and then if I tell people I saw that video they said nah you're crazy. | ||
| It was just like... | ||
| So he really had it taken down? | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| Dude, that's like some L. Ron Hubbard type shit. | ||
| L. Ron Hubbard was quoted as saying that if you really want to make money, you should start a religion. | ||
| Then he started Scientology. | ||
| It wasn't bullshit. | ||
| Just tell the truth. | ||
| They got so much real estate right now. | ||
| You should have saw it coming. | ||
| You should have saw it coming. | ||
| Yeah, he's a fascinating character, man. | ||
| I mean, obviously there's a tremendous amount of issues with him not telling the truth. | ||
| That might be the biggest problem. | ||
| The number one biggest problem might be the lying, that we can't trust him. | ||
| That is so crazy that you have a president that just lies all the time. | ||
| But if you step away from the lying part, and you look at what he's doing, what's interesting is, I don't know too much about the Affordable Care Act or Obamacare, but I do know that a whole lot of people who voted against it are now voting against repealing it. | ||
| So it either means one of two things. | ||
| It either means Trump's plan is so bad that the people who hated Obamacare are like, this is even worse. | ||
| Or it's a bunch of people that just don't like Trump. | ||
| And even though they didn't want Obamacare in the first place, no matter what Trump comes up with, they're going to be like, fuck you. | ||
| We're going to fight against that, which maybe there's a few other. | ||
| It could be this or it could be that. | ||
| But those two, to me, are pretty fascinating. | ||
| That's like childish shit. | ||
| Yeah, the whole shit is childish. | ||
| I just feel like everybody's just going after everybody. | ||
| When you spend your time going after people to remove them from their position, what are you doing for the people when you're going after your own selfish gain? | ||
| You're spending your entire time in office trying to get one step up. | ||
| Well, he's got a lot of steps up. | ||
| Not just him, but everybody else under him, plus him. | ||
| Now he's trying to stay up. | ||
| He has to spend his day fighting shit. | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| Instead of solving shit. | ||
| Yeah, well, he fights people on Twitter. | ||
| And he fights people on Twitter. | ||
| He's the president of the world, right? | ||
| When you're president of the United States, you're kind of the president of the world. | ||
| Like, you might not be running these other countries, but everybody knows this is the country that has all the fucking bombs, and it's crazy enough to use them, right? | ||
| So this is the president of arguably the greatest army the world's ever known. | ||
| That's the commander-in-chief right there. | ||
| He talks shit about people on Twitter. | ||
| He talks shit about people having plastic surgery scars. | ||
| It's hilarious. | ||
| Like bleeding badly from a facelift. | ||
| I said no. | ||
| He's so New York. | ||
| He's so crazy. | ||
| He's so New York. | ||
| He's so crazy. | ||
| It's hilarious. | ||
| It's so crazy. | ||
| And people are so angry. | ||
| And I get it. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| I get everybody being angry. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| It's not what I'm saying. | ||
| I'm just saying, the whole thing is so surreal. | ||
| It's like everybody wanted change, and then when change came, you're like, no, no, no, this change is making money. | ||
| Like, no, no, no, we don't want that. | ||
| This guy's stealing money. | ||
| Like, he's going to make billions of dollars. | ||
| Like, what the fuck is he doing? | ||
| Where's his tax returns? | ||
| Show me the tax returns! | ||
| But I think what's going to come out of it is that there's so many people now that are politically motivated. | ||
| There's so many people that are looking at this whole thing going, whoa, you can't just sit back and just let this happen. | ||
| Then you get someone who doesn't tell the truth. | ||
| As the president. | ||
| You know how bad that fucks up kids? | ||
| Right. | ||
| When you're looking at the highest level of human being in the country, like if every kid says, Billy, what do you want to be when you grow up? | ||
| I want to be the president. | ||
| Yeah, that's the issue. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, damn, you want to be the president? | ||
| You don't even want to be the vice president? | ||
| You want to be the number one guy? | ||
| That's an ambitious kid right there. | ||
| It's so possible. | ||
| Yeah, but it's also like if the guy who's the guy at the top of the list isn't better than people that you know, like he's more petty. | ||
| He's petty. | ||
| He goofs on people that just don't like his policies. | ||
| He'll talk shit about like their plastic surgery. | ||
| A guy with fake hair is talking about people bleeding from plastic surgery. | ||
| But it's just like the whole hurt your feelings thing. | ||
| The lash out and hurt your feelings thing. | ||
| That's what he's trying to do. | ||
| He's trying to hurt their feelings. | ||
| Someone just needs to sit him down. | ||
| I think they tried. | ||
| He ain't listening. | ||
| He's doing this his way. | ||
| I know he is. | ||
| Because he won. | ||
| He won that way. | ||
| So he's like, that's how I won. | ||
| My bass likes that. | ||
| Gotta let that go once you get in. | ||
| You gotta let that go because you have a broader responsibility as the head guy. | ||
| I think he's getting feedback enough that he has the amazing ability to ignore things that I wouldn't ignore and that I think most people wouldn't ignore. | ||
| Like, blowback. | ||
| Like, Like, I remember, so this is what happened. | ||
| One time, I went to see a movie, a screening, where Kevin Hart was in it with Usher. | ||
| This was a long time ago. | ||
| And me and Kev were friends. | ||
| We used to hang out. | ||
| So we went to the screening. | ||
| And we sat there. | ||
| And we watched the movie. | ||
| And the movie was terrible. | ||
| So then after the movie... | ||
| I'm going to see Kev. | ||
| So my worry is like, what the fuck am I going to tell this guy? | ||
| Because I can't lie to him about this movie. | ||
| And before I said anything, he looked at me and said, man, that movie was bad, but I was great. | ||
| And you know what? | ||
| He was right. | ||
| He was good in the movie. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So he brushed off... | |
| How bad the movie was. | ||
| And found something. | ||
| This motherfucker, Trump, can find something. | ||
| He'll hear what he needs to hear from whatever he's done. | ||
| It's probably enough. | ||
| People, if it's even one or a few million, that likes his tweets. | ||
| Like, we only see the people that hate his tweets. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Oh, there's a lot of people that like his tweets. | ||
| They all have American flags in their avatars. | ||
| Yeah, so he's gonna go for that. | ||
| They have, like, eagles and Dobermans and American flags and guns. | ||
| What is the recent... | ||
| He gave some recent speech I thought was really interesting. | ||
| Oh, the cop thing. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| That was a good one, too. | ||
| But I think it was today where he was talking about unemployment being down, how the economy is up, and all these different factors. | ||
| And they were talking about how no one mentions it. | ||
| And then I went to CNN, and I was like, yeah, they're not even mentioning that. | ||
| He's giving this speech, and he's saying all the... | ||
| How much should that be the number one story? | ||
| What's the number one story when you go to CNN? Go to the front page of CNN. What do we got here? | ||
| What does it say? | ||
| Highest stock market ever. | ||
| Best economic numbers in years. | ||
| Unemployment lowest in 17 years. | ||
| Wages rising. | ||
| Border secure. | ||
| Yeah, but... | ||
| Is that true? | ||
| I don't know if that's true. | ||
| I don't know if it's true. | ||
| It's probably true, right? | ||
| But these were the same things that were happening when Obama was president. | ||
| And he used to shit on it. | ||
| He used to say, it's not rising enough. | ||
| The unemployment level should still be lower. | ||
| Or, like, when they put out the job gains, or whatever they call that shit, technically, he would say, that's not enough growth. | ||
| So there's a way to shit on everything. | ||
| But look at all this. | ||
| Like, look at what they show on CNN. Like, right away, you see, on the top, Trump weighed in on Sun's misleading claim, breaking news. | ||
| So you got a negative Trump ad. | ||
| No inaccuracy in Donald Trump's junior statements about 2016 meeting with Russians, White House says. | ||
| White House comments on Donald Trump junior statements. | ||
| So none of that has anything to do with unemployment being down or the economy being up. | ||
| And this is like the front page. | ||
| Of CNN. It's all negative. | ||
| Yeah, they're going after him, for sure. | ||
| But this is not good. | ||
| It's not good to do that. | ||
| Like, you're not giving all the news. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| You gotta give the news. | ||
| Like, he does plenty of stupid shit that you can cover. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You're not as short of stupid shit, but when good shit happens, like when the economy is up, when unemployment is down, you probably should be reporting that. | ||
| It seems like that's news. | ||
| But, alright, so... | ||
| If it's true. | ||
| So if it's true, right, you know you have a powerful Twitter. | ||
| Your name is Trump. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And you know, listen, you know the game by now, right? | ||
| So you know if you tweet about some woman's plastic surgery, They're gonna go in on you. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And that's what's gonna be on CNN. But that's not CNN. She was MSNBC. Right. | ||
| But it's gonna be on every news. | ||
| All the media outlets that are not in favor of you are gonna put that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Everyone except Fox. | ||
| Everyone except Fox. | ||
| So it's like, stop putting shit that people can use to cover up And use instead of the unemployment stuff being down. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| What do you mean? | ||
| Stop giving people ammo against you. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Stop giving them information, negative stuff that they can put on the front of their website instead of unemployment numbers going down. | ||
| Yeah, but there's no way they're going to stop that. | ||
| As long as there's stories like that, like Donald Jr. secretly meeting with the Russians and not telling people and then releasing the emails and then saying, you know, all that stuff. | ||
| And then it turns out that Trump was the one who coordinated the statement about it. | ||
| It's never gonna stop. | ||
| He's fucking up. | ||
| But here's the thing. | ||
| You gotta write the good stuff too. | ||
| You have to have right news. | ||
| I feel like if I'm gonna trust you for the news, I would like to think as a person who leans very left, I would like to think that CNN is going to be better than right-wing propaganda websites. | ||
| Well, how can they not be? | ||
| That's very disappointing. | ||
| It's very disappointing. | ||
| You can have both things. | ||
| I don't trust none of them. | ||
| I don't trust the left news or the right. | ||
| Because you know why? | ||
| Why? | ||
| When Obama was president, or just in presidents before, like, a lot of shit was phony and false. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Right. | ||
| Like, they just did a... | ||
| Here's a funny thing. | ||
| So they just did a study of, like, body cams on cops. | ||
| Right? | ||
| They just did a study. | ||
| And they said, from the study, they see that cops treat... | ||
| Black people that they pull over worse than they treat white people. | ||
| It's like, motherfucker, we've been trying to tell you that. | ||
| But now it's only official when white people did the study. | ||
| They're like, you know what? | ||
| This thing is true. | ||
| Motherfucker, we've been trying to tell you that shit is true for a long time. | ||
| But that's just a part of it. | ||
| You're not covering... | ||
| Anything that doesn't serve you. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| You're not covering anything that doesn't serve you anyway. | ||
| Yeah, but they're news. | ||
| They're not cops. | ||
| I can understand, like, cops being racist. | ||
| I get that. | ||
| But if you're the news source, like, you have to just distribute the news. | ||
| You can't selectively decide what people can and can't hear or what you focus on. | ||
| You have to and you should, but they never have. | ||
| Well, they should. | ||
| They should, but they just never have. | ||
| It's just more obvious now. | ||
| What's really fucked up, that isn't really getting nearly as much press as I think it should get, or people haven't really been talking about that much, is how many people were concentrating on that white lady from Australia who got shot unnecessarily by the cop because she was a white lady from Australia. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Look, no matter what you say, what that is, I mean, obviously it's a tragic accident because she was the one that called the cops and then they shot her, but you know how many times they've done that to other people? | ||
| But that's my whole point. | ||
| Like, the news serves... | ||
| Remember we were talking about the scrolls and how you can't... | ||
| If you found the scrolls, you can't help but make a story that is in your favor. | ||
| I forgot the exact words you used, but it's just because your perception is going to come through in this thing. | ||
| To me, that's how the news has been all my life. | ||
| Whoever owns the news makes news In their favor. | ||
| That's always how it's been, since William Randolph Hearst used to have Hearst Publications. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So that, to me, the news has always been, even if it was slightly inaccurate before, it's just been growingly not accurate. | ||
| Yeah, but that drives people fucking crazy. | ||
| It does, because people... | ||
| And it should. | ||
| Because when I was a kid, like a stupid little kid, And I was watching the news. | ||
| How stupid were you? | ||
| Just stupid enough to think, like, when somebody's telling me what's going on in the world, I'm like, the news is God. | ||
| So you thought that it was all real? | ||
| Yeah, just like a kid. | ||
| You don't know any better. | ||
| But how do these people know everything? | ||
| They're telling you everything. | ||
| So you're kind of getting programmed to believe this shit. | ||
| So people are getting programmed to believe Fox, Fox, MSNBC, CNN, and they don't know any better. | ||
| And they're getting angry based on what they're being told. | ||
| And we're not being told everything. | ||
| We're not being told everything like you're saying. | ||
| They're not showing both sides or everything. | ||
| There's no reason for the people who own the news to be fair. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| They just have to get people to pay attention. | ||
| They just want to get people to get... | ||
| So their thing is, how do I make money? | ||
| Right. | ||
| Gotta be outrageous. | ||
| It gotta be outrageous. | ||
| We gotta... | ||
| Even now, we gotta follow this Russia story, and we gotta make money. | ||
| This is a soul proper. | ||
| This is Game of Thrones going on on fucking TV. This is like when Katrina... | ||
| They milked the shit out of Katrina and any tragedy, and they're just milking this. | ||
| It's like every... | ||
| Like, why is... | ||
| Everything coming out like, alright, so there was a meeting. | ||
| So then there was email. | ||
| It's almost as if somebody wrote a script and we're like, today we're going to give you this part of it. | ||
| Today we're going to give you this part of it. | ||
| It's unfolding like a TV show, keeping people's interest. | ||
| In a lot of ways, it is like that House of Cards show. | ||
| Yeah, it's like House of Cards. | ||
| Yeah, and almost even less believable. | ||
| Like, everybody was like, in the House of Cards, spoiler alert, I can't even say. | ||
| I don't want to say what happens. | ||
| But there's some moments on the show where people go, well, that would never happen. | ||
| That's not who would get elected. | ||
| Like, look at what the fuck is happening. | ||
| The president's daughter is always behind him with a giant smile on her face every time he says anything and she's clapping today. | ||
| It's like, he's got his kids in there. | ||
| His kids are running shit. | ||
| And his kids are supposed to be running his company. | ||
| He's supposed to be away from his company. | ||
| But that's not... | ||
| He won't even show his tax returns. | ||
| The whole thing is so gangster. | ||
| It's so Putin-esque. | ||
| It's really fascinating. | ||
| And now, with this thing that's going on with Russia... | ||
| I mean, who knows? | ||
| That might be just nonsense. | ||
| They might just be posturing with each other. | ||
| Meanwhile, they're doing deals behind the scenes. | ||
| Like, I'll tell you what I'm going to do, bro. | ||
| I'm going to kick the delegates out. | ||
| I'm going to get pissed. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm going to get pissed. | |
| And meanwhile, they're making some crazy deal to like tap into the oil in the Antarctica or some shit. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Like they're kicking the delegates out. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| Diplomats. | ||
| To look like, hey, I'm not on. | ||
| If I was a friend of Trump, I wouldn't kick these delegates out. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Why would I kick the diplomats out? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| If I'm working with them. | ||
| Come on, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, they're just going back and forth. | |
| It's all so strange. | ||
| It's just so strange that people could still rock it like that. | ||
| Like you still could be a dictator in 2017. Hilarious. | ||
| That is one of the last remaining archaic jobs. | ||
| Like the one dude running everything. | ||
| Guy with a giant army. | ||
| Everybody keep it together. | ||
| Keep it together, you're gonna have a safe life. | ||
| Keep it together. | ||
| Don't fucking push me. | ||
| Just give me a little money. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Does it hurt you to give me a little money? | ||
| You can't give me 30% of your money? | ||
| Come on, man. | ||
| Give me 50% of your money. | ||
| It's not that big a deal. | ||
| I mean, that's what a lot of countries are stuck in right now, you know? | ||
| And in Russia, the crazy thing is, if it doesn't go well for you, they just take your company. | ||
| They have these multi-billionaire oligarchs. | ||
| They just lock these dudes up. | ||
| Lock them up, take their company. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| Confiscate it. | ||
| Just throw them in a jail cell. | ||
| Keep them there for a few years. | ||
| It's Game of Thrones. | ||
| Then they'll let them out. | ||
| Dude. | ||
| I was watching this one documentary about this Russian guy who was, and he was, at first he was working with Trump, and somehow or another he disagreed with Trump. | ||
| Not Trump, rather. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Putin. | |
| Dude, that's like, that's some Freud shit. | ||
| He was working with, I'm trying to remember the full story, but he had some sort of business arrangement with Putin, and then he tried to change it, or he didn't want to accept new terms or whatever. | ||
| They just locked his ass up. | ||
| He opposed something that Putin wanted to do. | ||
| I think I read about that guy. | ||
| Yeah, sorry, dude. | ||
| He complained. | ||
| He protested. | ||
| Sorry, dude. | ||
| They put some charges on him. | ||
| Yeah, they put some charges on him, threw him in jail. | ||
| And who knows, man? | ||
| They might... | ||
| Look, if you get to be some crazy multi-billionaire dude in Russia, they probably don't even let you in there unless you've done some fucked up shit with them. | ||
| They're probably like, listen, dude, you gotta drink vodka. | ||
| Have Putin with us. | ||
| Come on. | ||
| I mean, even on the lowest level... | ||
| You have to get jumped into a gang and you gotta commit a crime to be a part of the gang. | ||
| So they gotta see you do some dirt to see you get it. | ||
| If a gang would do that, why wouldn't a bunch of billionaires who have way more to protect Yeah. | ||
| Make you do some dirt with them. | ||
| Do some dirt and also show that you're crazy enough to be down with them. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, yeah, I like you, but I need to know if you're loyal. | ||
| You know what Ari told me they made his dad do in the Israeli army? | ||
| What? | ||
| You raise a kitten, you raise it, you take care of it by yourself, you pet it, and then when it gets to be like a year old, you gotta kill it in front of them with your bare hands. | ||
| Shit. | ||
| Grab it, snap its neck. | ||
| Just to show that you can do that. | ||
| I was like, whoa. | ||
| A part of the game is that. | ||
| I was like, whoa. | ||
| Just to show that you can shut it off. | ||
| Like, you've got that ability to just shut it off. | ||
| Like, you have this cat, you love it. | ||
| You're gonna kill that thing. | ||
| With your hands. | ||
| Well, if you could do that, if they make you do that in the army, why? | ||
| You have to get co-signed to get into Billionaire Club. | ||
| Yeah, you gotta kill people. | ||
| Like, you think, what do they do with, like, guys like Jeff Bezos, that Amazon guy? | ||
| You ever see the photos of him? | ||
| It's hilarious. | ||
| There's a photo of him, like, when he first started out, like, 12 years ago. | ||
| I heard about this, but I haven't seen it. | ||
| All dorky. | ||
| And then you look at him now, he looks like a fucking assassin. | ||
| He's got... | ||
| He's got sunglasses on, he's walking aggressive, he's on TRT. TRT, hilarious. | ||
| He's got like a girl on each side of him or something like that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm sure. | |
| I mean, how much is he worth now? | ||
| Look at him. | ||
| He looks like a killer. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| He literally looks like a guy. | ||
| That's the hitman I just hired. | ||
| That was like a former Navy SEAL that's coming over to give you advice on how to secure your corporation. | ||
| You know, like he would show up at Apple and hire a bunch of hitmen. | ||
| That's him now? | ||
| Is that what that is? | ||
| He's a pretty fit guy. | ||
| Yeah, now he is. | ||
| But he seems like a fit guy, like he works out. | ||
| See, well there was an- but there was a before and after picture. | ||
| Oh man, Goofy Town. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Yeah, he was a little goofy. | ||
| But, look man, he figured out how to dominate online sales. | ||
| I use Amazon.com all the time. | ||
| There's like him and The Rock and Vin Diesel. | ||
| All three of them. | ||
| Kick some ass. | ||
| The Rock was at the fights this weekend. | ||
| You give him a hug, it's like hugging a tree. | ||
| Damn. | ||
| Big tree. | ||
| I wonder how much that dude weighs. | ||
| Too big rock. | ||
| Too big, bro. | ||
| He's in the 250 range for sure. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, for sure. | ||
| He's gigantic. | ||
| Like, you don't realize how big he is until you give him a hug. | ||
| Big old friendly guy. | ||
| But that guy gets bombarded, man. | ||
| He can't go anywhere without taking pictures of people. | ||
| They don't give a fuck if you're talking to them. | ||
| They get in between you. | ||
| They pop their head up and hold their camera up. | ||
| It's ridiculous. | ||
| Like, people just, they don't give a fuck about decorum or being friendly. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| I'm getting this fucking picture with The Rock. | ||
| It's my one chance. | ||
| Yeah, they just swoop in, man. | ||
| Anything for the gram, man. | ||
| But it's weird. | ||
| It's like all your normal etiquette goes out the window. | ||
| Like The Rock was sitting over there talking to Demetrius Mighty Mouse Johnson, pound for pound best fighter in the world. | ||
| And they're talking back and forth and having a good time. | ||
| And this dude just swoops in between them and pops up. | ||
| And he's like, can I get a picture, bro? | ||
| Can I get a picture, bro? | ||
| And you see The Rock is always being friendly. | ||
| He's amazing at staying friendly. | ||
| But he's like, God damn. | ||
| I can't even talk to the champ. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| I mean, he wants the followers. | ||
| He wants to... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I guess he's a nice guy. | ||
| He's a real nice guy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I like him. | |
| He's a real nice guy. | ||
| Giant. | ||
| You're done, bro. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Finished. | |
| No, he needs to get bigger. | ||
| Nah, man. | ||
| You think he's done? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You think he's stopped lifting? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's a project, right? | ||
| If it's a sculpture, it's done. | ||
| I mean, where is he trying to go after this? | ||
| Like, what's left? | ||
| Well, he's trying to stay jacked, and he's like 48 or some shit. | ||
| How old is The Rock? | ||
| I would say he's about 48. He can take a week off. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| You can't. | ||
| That's the thing. | ||
| 45. So he's 45 and he's jacked. | ||
| Just ready? | ||
| Jacked. | ||
| I mean, he's jacked. | ||
| He wants to keep that. | ||
| And there's only one way. | ||
| You gotta do what he does. | ||
| That motherfucker's up every day. | ||
| He'll make these videos when he shows up in places, in like Germany. | ||
| He's gotta film some fucking movie. | ||
| He's there at 5 o'clock in the morning. | ||
| They already have an elliptical machine in his... | ||
| In his bed? | ||
| Well, in his hotel room. | ||
| He'll get like a suite. | ||
| So they set up this elliptical machine in his suite, and he's out there banging it out at 5 o'clock in the morning. | ||
| Doing an hour of cardio. | ||
| I know him and Kevin Hart videos bug me. | ||
| They make you feel lazy. | ||
| They're just up, working out. | ||
| I know. | ||
| They've done more by 7 a.m. | ||
| than I'm going to do all day. | ||
| Yeah, it's rude. | ||
| And they're trying to motivate people. | ||
| Like, hey man, trying to sleep over here, bro. | ||
| Scroll up a little bit there. | ||
| The one on the far right-hand side with him pulling that rowing machine, right above that one. | ||
| That's doing some rows. | ||
| That dude's... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Gigantic. | |
| That's a gigantic person. | ||
| Poor Roaring Machine. | ||
| Does not deserve this. | ||
| Yeah, but if you want to put these things up and get how many millions of views, how many million views does it have? | ||
| 5,639,898 views. | ||
| Of him showing off. | ||
| Of him just doing polls. | ||
| We get it. | ||
| You wake up in the morning. | ||
| But he's motivating people. | ||
| Sometimes, like, you'll be sitting at home and feeling like a lazy bitch, like, I just want to chill today. | ||
| I don't feel like working out. | ||
| And you go see The Rock, he's got chains wrapped around his neck, doing chin-ups and dips. | ||
| Pulling tires. | ||
| Screaming. | ||
| Yeah, hitting tires with missiles. | ||
| Yeah, it's weird. | ||
| He's a crazy man. | ||
| But those are the dudes that, like, you need to know that, like, as hard as you think you're working, drop one down from there. | ||
| That one with his... | ||
| The other one. | ||
| I saw that one with Jay. | ||
| Yeah, look at that. | ||
| Right there. | ||
| You need to know, as hard as you think you're working, you're not working that hard. | ||
| I know. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| It's jacked! | ||
| So, if you think you've done everything you can to be prosperous in this life, you need to go to The Rock's Instagram and shut your fucking hippie mouth. | ||
| And it'll fuck your day up. | ||
| It'll fuck your day up. | ||
| This is what you didn't do today. | ||
| And I know people are like, well, hey, man, I read a book today, okay? | ||
| Hey, man, I've been writing poetry all day. | ||
| Hey, man, I've been writing songs. | ||
| Hey, man. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| But have you put the same amount of effort into being whatever you want as The Rock has done in being the ultimate meathead? | ||
| It's hilarious. | ||
| Ultimate meathead. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Look at the bar. | ||
| It's got a chain. | ||
| Chains on the side. | ||
| Dumbbells. | ||
| Do you know why you have chains? | ||
| It makes the end of the rep harder. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| Because as you lift the chains up off the ground, less of the chain is being supported by the ground, so it gets heavier and heavier as you lift your hands up higher. | ||
| That's called hardcore, bro. | ||
| I don't know if you boys are aware of how hardcore can get. | ||
| That's how hardcore. | ||
| That's how hardcore! | ||
| Listen, when I want to feel bad about my day, I just go to The Rock's Instagram. | ||
| It's a good move. | ||
| I'd be like, shit. | ||
| What's going on with this guy? | ||
| For that new movie Rampage he has, this guy's gonna be a gorilla or something. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| Oh, so he's got like one of those suits on that maps his movement. | ||
| Video game suits. | ||
| Isn't that weird that they still can't completely just fake it? | ||
| They have to have a dude move around. | ||
| They're getting close. | ||
| I mean, that HoloLens stuff that we were talking about yesterday, they're just gonna be able to wear those and see pretty much what they're gonna, like the final CGI rendering, like they can just act with that stuff soon. | ||
| It's amazing what, you know, like, I watched Game of Thrones first episode, and you know that that boat's not real. | ||
| They don't really have that giant, massive, crazy-looking boat cutting through the ocean. | ||
| That's not a real boat. | ||
| But goddamn, it looks like a real boat. | ||
| Yeah, that shit was crazy. | ||
| That attack was fucking bananas. | ||
| When you're looking at these boats, I mean, just the CGI, it's just for a television show. | ||
| Yeah, they spend millions. | ||
| A lot of fucking money. | ||
| I guess it's like worth it. | ||
| They spend film money on those episodes. | ||
| Oh yeah, each one is millions. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But I guess it's worth it, right? | ||
| Because that thing will sell forever. | ||
| Yeah, I like it. | ||
| If it goes down today, it's also timeless. | ||
| Game of Thrones is timeless. | ||
| That'll be worth a shitload of money 10 years from now. | ||
| It's like The Sopranos is timeless, too. | ||
| Sopranos is timeless. | ||
| If you wanted to start watching The Sopranos today, it would be a great show. | ||
| Yeah, it's like the godfather of TV. It's timeless. | ||
| But it's better than The Godfather. | ||
| There's Italians all over the country screaming at me. | ||
| You fucking idiot! | ||
|
unidentified
|
You don't know shit! | |
| The Godfather's the greatest fucking movie! | ||
| The Godfather's an amazing movie, don't get me wrong, but it's limited by its format. | ||
| It's limited by the fact that it's a movie. | ||
| Even though you got The Godfather 1 and 2, Sopranos was on for like, what, five years? | ||
| Five years of episodes, the depth that they can get into, all the crazy shit that they could do, it's just so different than any other movie or than any other form of media. | ||
| Yeah, they could go off and talk about a gay member of the goddamn gang. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| They could do anything. | ||
| They could do anything. | ||
| His affair with his psychiatrist. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Anything. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Remember they killed that dude with a pool cue, showed a pool cue up his ass? | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| The gay guy? | ||
| Yeah, the whole thing was weird, you know? | ||
| It was like you're getting deep into the lives of these strange characters and sociopaths, and you kind of understand their angst. | ||
| Yeah, because you start rooting for them. | ||
| Yeah! | ||
| Like, even in the Americans, they're Russian, but you start rooting for them. | ||
| You don't want them to get caught. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Now I know you really are from another country. | ||
| Maybe, maybe. | ||
| But if you watch it, watch a few episodes and see if you don't like Star Room for the Russians. | ||
| This is how I picture the show. | ||
| Because it's safe now. | ||
| You find out five minutes into the show that they're Russian spies, FBI kicks the door down, a bunch of white guys, guns blazing, pointed at them, they immediately ship them to Guantanamo Bay. | ||
| And then put the house for sale. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The house goes for sale and they make a profit off the house. | ||
| The spy house. | ||
| The spy house. | ||
| I wonder if they did a scan of the spy house. | ||
| Find out if they scan the spy house to find out what kind of spy shit they got. | ||
| Because, you know, Russia's not going to just let you have a spy house by yourself and you're having parties. | ||
| And we've called the other day to check in. | ||
| We saw barbecue. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You having barbecue or are you working as spy? | |
| Which one? | ||
| Which one? | ||
| Can't be both. | ||
| You're turning American. | ||
| Is it barbecue time or spy time? | ||
| You fucked! | ||
| Get to spying. | ||
| Yeah, so they probably, like, they gotta be spying on the spies, for sure. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They're not gonna trust some spy to just move to New Jersey, have a good time, start doing coke. | ||
| They know you could get turned. | ||
| Oh, for sure. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Why wouldn't you get turned? | ||
| Over here, you could, like, do whatever the fuck you want. | ||
| Most people are not gonna kill you. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But then they know you're there. | ||
| So they'll just send somebody. | ||
| You won't even know who the person is. | ||
| It'll be like some La Femme Nikita chick comes over your house selling vacuums or something. | ||
| You open the door, she shoots you in the dick. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Could be. | ||
| I just don't understand why they would use that strategy. | ||
| Like, they hire someone to pretend to be American, fly them across the world, set them up, Go get information in Montclair. | ||
| You gotta watch the Americans, man. | ||
| It works. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| What kind of information do they get? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Spoiler alert. | |
| So, say there's the FBI, right? | ||
| So, the husband puts on a disguise and starts dating the secretary of the director of the FBI. Whoa. | ||
| So the husband... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| Is he a real husband? | ||
| They're married, right? | ||
| They were paired together. | ||
| Right. | ||
| They had two kids together in America. | ||
| For real? | ||
| Well, not in the show. | ||
| In the show. | ||
| In the show. | ||
| They had two kids together in America. | ||
| They run a travel agency. | ||
| And then... | ||
| On top of that, they're both spies. | ||
| On top of that, they're both spies. | ||
| So he gets to bang other chicks? | ||
| Like, baby, I gotta do this. | ||
| And she gets to bang other dudes. | ||
| God damn, strong. | ||
| Like, if there's a target. | ||
| I like it. | ||
| If there's a target that they can get to emotionally, then they just do what they gotta do. | ||
| And then sometimes they come home, and he's like, did you fuck him? | ||
| Whoa. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And just to say, I did duty for Russia. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| I did duty. | ||
| And meanwhile, both of them are falling in and out of love and getting jealous. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| And then sometimes they like the people that they have to kill or like dispose of. | ||
| Sounds like a good fucking show. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| It's so intricate. | ||
| Damn. | ||
| And then a neighbor just moved in, and he works for the FBI. So then their kids go over to his house, and his kids come over to their house. | ||
| And he doesn't know that they're Russian spies. | ||
| He's had hunches before. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| So it's a crazy fucking show, man. | ||
| Damn. | ||
| As good, better, or not as good as House of Cards? | ||
| I say better than House of Cards. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa! | |
| Oh my goodness, I don't even know. | ||
| Now I know you're a foreigner. | ||
| You're some kind of an agent yourself. | ||
| I told you I was a foreigner. | ||
| Yeah, but now I know for real. | ||
| But I'm an American foreigner. | ||
| As he pours his tea. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| Who the fuck are you? | ||
| Everything's a crime. | ||
| I'm pouring tea. | ||
| Who are you? | ||
| You don't even drink coffee. | ||
| You're barely American, bro. | ||
| I know. | ||
| I know. | ||
| You have the full foreign package, man. | ||
| You're into soccer. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Do you ever call soccer football when no Americans are around? | ||
| Do you? | ||
| I say it when they're around sometimes. | ||
| Do you really? | ||
| But I just say soccer just so people know what I'm talking about. | ||
| Right. | ||
| That's what I was thinking. | ||
| You probably say football when you're around other people. | ||
| Yeah, if I'm talking to somebody from... | ||
| Sometimes I'm talking to a friend from England and I'll say soccer. | ||
| And they'll get mad at you. | ||
| Nah. | ||
| I mean, some people have, like, they'll correct it, but it won't be a sticking point in the conversation. | ||
| It's a sticking point in America, right? | ||
| So you just stick with soccer. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| You've never said football to me, but I always suspected it. | ||
| You always suspected it. | ||
| I just knew something was going on. | ||
| I'm like, this motherfucker. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That was so slated. | |
| It's hilarious. | ||
| I'm like, he's so into that game. | ||
| I know he uses the proper terminology. | ||
| When I'm not around. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like someone will say you want to play billiards and I'll let it slide. | ||
| Okay. | ||
|
unidentified
|
All right. | |
| And that's pool, right? | ||
| Yeah, not really. | ||
| Not really. | ||
| Pocket billiards is pool. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Billiards is a game that you play with no, there's no holes in the table. | ||
| You ever see that game? | ||
| I think so. | ||
| There's like, there's like things in the table. | ||
| No. | ||
| Well, there's an Italian version of it where they play. | ||
| They have these little pins. | ||
| You're thinking of Bumper Pool, I think. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| But Three Cushion Billiards is a very strange game. | ||
| And that used to be the premiere game, by the way. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah? | |
| Back in the Willy Hoppy days. | ||
| Way, way, way back in the... | ||
| I guess probably the turn of the century. | ||
| The... | ||
| Turn of the 20th century. | ||
| They had thousands of pool halls and billiard halls in New York City. | ||
| But pool halls, like where there's a hole in the table and the ball has to fall into the hole, those were thought to be, that's the game of ruffians. | ||
| And, like, dirtbags. | ||
| Gentlemen played billiards. | ||
| They played three-cushioned billiards. | ||
| And that was actually a part of the scene in the movie The Hustler with Paul Newman and Jackie Gleason. | ||
| Paul Newman goes over to this dude's house. | ||
| I forget the gentleman's name, but he's a very famous actor. | ||
| He's a great Great scene. | ||
| And they're supposed to gamble because this guy's a big fish and he has this big mansion and Paul Newman is this hustler. | ||
| He goes over to the guy's mansion and the guy doesn't have a pool table. | ||
| He has a billiards table. | ||
| And the mob guy who's backing Paul Newman on the bet doesn't believe that he could beat this guy. | ||
| And so they have to figure out what to do because it's a totally different game. | ||
| But it was the game of gentlemen. | ||
| Three Cushion Billiards is a game where you have to hit a ball and then your ball has to go three cushions. | ||
| That means bounce into three rails and then come back and hit the other ball. | ||
| It's really crazy. | ||
| It's an interesting game because it's all about angles. | ||
| You ever played it? | ||
| Yeah, I've played it, but it's hard to do. | ||
| You have to really understand. | ||
| There's a lot of factors that come into play. | ||
| Here it is right here. | ||
| This is the actual game. | ||
| I've seen you do shit like that when you play pool. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, I do. | ||
| I mean, I definitely move the ball around, and I understand some angles, but, like, this stuff, like, what this guy's doing right here, this is, like, super complicated stuff to be able to... | ||
| How do you win this thing? | ||
| You just get a point every time you get three cushions. | ||
| Like, see how he's doing this right here? | ||
| He's doing that, it bounces off the rail, it hits that, and then it's going to hit the other one. | ||
| Like, doing stuff like that on purpose, I mean, doing it on purpose, is very difficult to do. | ||
| To really understand how, I mean, sometimes you're going four and five and even six rails to make something do what you want it to do, because that was the only option you had with the position of the ball on the table relative to the position of the ball you're trying to hit, if you have to go three rails. | ||
| So you see these crazy, tricky shots that these guys do, where they're calculating the ball, going three rails, hitting another ball, and then going two rails, and then hitting a third ball. | ||
| It's crazy! | ||
| The way they do it is amazing. | ||
| It's really amazing. | ||
| How many balls are on the table each time? | ||
| Three balls. | ||
| Three balls? | ||
| Three balls. | ||
| Yeah, it's fascinating. | ||
| I never got into it because I would imagine that it would become addictive just like Poole's addictive, and I don't have the time. | ||
| I just can't be fucking with some new thing to get addicted to. | ||
| Yeah, especially when you're gonna start, you know, checking out some soccer. | ||
| I feel you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Isn't it weird, though, how they do this? | ||
| See, he's gonna hit that, and it's gonna bounce up and hit the other one. | ||
| And they're planning this out. | ||
| That's what's interesting. | ||
| And the guys who are real good at it, a lot of times it translates very good into pool, too. | ||
| It seems like it would. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, they figure out how to move the ball better than other people. | ||
| There's a guy named Efren Reyes, and he's widely considered to be probably the best pool player of all time. | ||
| And he plays this game really good. | ||
| He plays this game really good, and he plays another game that the Filipinos like to play called Rotation. | ||
| And rotation is a game, like, you know how you play nine ball? | ||
| You shoot one through nine, you gotta shoot the balls in order? | ||
| Rotation, they do that with 15 balls. | ||
| What? | ||
| Yeah, Filipinos are some of the best players in the world. | ||
| Oh, right. | ||
| And it's interesting because the game of billiards, pocket billiards, I should say, I guess regular billiards, too, got brought to them during World War II when they had American GIs would be in the Philippines. | ||
| Apparently during the war, when people would go over there, they would set up pool tables and, you know, GIs would go to bars and they figured out how to play pool. | ||
| And it became a great thing for the Filipinos who love gambling. | ||
| They love gambling. | ||
| So they would just play pool and gamble all the time. | ||
| So some of the best players in the world have come out of the Philippines. | ||
| Manila has some of the best players ever. | ||
| The top guys, like that guy Efren Reyes, he's from the Philippines. | ||
| Francisco Bustamante, one of the best of all time, he's from the Philippines. | ||
| It's like you can keep going on and on and on and on and on. | ||
| There's a whole gang of these dudes, little tiny killers. | ||
| So never play pool against a Filipino. | ||
| That's what I'm learning. | ||
| They're real quiet and real friendly. | ||
| They'll smash you. | ||
| Damn. | ||
| Yeah, some of the best players in the world. | ||
| It's just a huge sport over there. | ||
| It's on television all the time over there. | ||
| Pool is like the first video game. | ||
| Mmm. | ||
| How's that? | ||
| Because it's a pool and billiards. | ||
| It's like a table and you go into a bar and it's there. | ||
| You put money in there and you start playing it. | ||
| Before, there were graphics or programs or anything. | ||
| It's just a game. | ||
| It's like the first game you could play before video games. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| I know what you're saying. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It was like an arcade game, like darts. | ||
| Arcade, yeah. | ||
| And darts, yeah. | ||
| They would play it. | ||
| I think they started calling it pool. | ||
| I know, actually, they started calling it pool because it was a gambling thing. | ||
| The thing was that they would pool their money together and bet on stuff. | ||
| And that's how pool got its bad name versus billiards. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But like darts, they must bet on darts, right? | ||
| Yeah, people bet on darts, yeah. | ||
| Darts is a big sport in England. | ||
| Huge. | ||
| It's on TV. I saw it on TV. I saw snooker. | ||
| Snooker. | ||
| Snooker, they call it. | ||
| Snooker is pool or something else. | ||
| Snooker is a totally different game and it's on a giant table. | ||
| Yeah, a pool table is 9x4.5, which means 4.5 foot wide, 9 foot long. | ||
| That's a real legit pool table. | ||
| There's also 10x5s. | ||
| 10x5 pool tables are just starting to make a comeback. | ||
| There's a company called Diamond, and they make a 10x5 now. | ||
| It's a big deal. | ||
| Because the real high-end players like the extra space of the 10x5. | ||
| They think it makes you play a better game. | ||
| But Snooker's 12 feet. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's 12 by 6. It's a giant fucking table. | ||
| And these dudes have a tiny little ball. | ||
| It's a tiny ass little ball. | ||
| It's way smaller than a pool ball. | ||
| And the holes are really tiny. | ||
| And the cut of the rails is very different. | ||
| Like you can kind of rattle a ball into a pool table hole. | ||
| It'll kind of drop in. | ||
| But you have to hit. | ||
| Like this is a Snooker table. | ||
| That's a soccer field. | ||
| Look at the size of this fucking table. | ||
| Now this is Ronnie O'Sullivan. | ||
| Who's one of the greatest of all time, and he's a fucking wizard. | ||
| And this is the greatest game of snooker ever, it's called, because he does everything perfect, and he shoots his whole rack perfect. | ||
| But snooker's a totally different game. | ||
| Like, see how the snooker, that goes in there, a snooker, he shot the ball in, and then the ball comes back up again. | ||
| Comes back up? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| The black ball. | ||
| Every time he shoots the black ball in... | ||
| So there's no scratching? | ||
| No, you can scratch. | ||
| I don't know the game. | ||
| I don't understand the game. | ||
| But there's a bunch of points and all these different things that you're doing. | ||
| But see how he knocks that black ball in? | ||
| After the black ball goes in, the guy pulls it out and he puts it back in the spot. | ||
| And then he has to shoot one of the reds again. | ||
| And then after he shoots the red, then he goes and shoots the black again. | ||
| And every time he's doing it, see that stack of balls? | ||
| He's trying to collide into those balls to open them up. | ||
| And if he can open them up, then he can get it to a place where he can separate those balls and make them all. | ||
| So watch. | ||
| He's going to make this red ball, and then he's going to pound up. | ||
| Now he's at an angle with that black ball. | ||
| So as he shoots that black ball in, he's going to smack into those other balls. | ||
| Bing! | ||
| See that? | ||
| Right. | ||
| See, now, again, I don't know this game very well, but I understand pool, so I see what he's doing with those balls. | ||
| I knew he was going to do that. | ||
| So now he's just going to pocket these balls in the side, but you're dealing with the tiniest little fucking hole, and they have tiny little tips on their pool cues. | ||
| It's sort of like a pool cue, but they're all made of ash, which is very different. | ||
| Ash? | ||
| Yeah, ash wood, whereas... | ||
| Most American pool cues, at least the shafts, are made out of maple. | ||
| There's a lot of weird variables. | ||
| Like, ash is very stiff, but also very light. | ||
| So their game is very different, but it's also very similar. | ||
| He's also thinking very fast. | ||
| Oh, he's a wizard. | ||
| This guy's a super genius. | ||
| But... | ||
| I wouldn't have taken my second shot yet. | ||
| I know. | ||
| He's like clearing the table. | ||
| He's doing this every day, you gotta realize. | ||
| But you gotta think he's also extremely wealthy because of this game. | ||
| This is not a game like American Pool. | ||
| This is a game like more akin to like golf in terms of like purses and how much money these guys can make. | ||
| At least it was at one point in time. | ||
| I think somehow or another it's dried up. | ||
| I think like Snooker doesn't... | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| That gets ugly. | ||
| That old man is like the ball boy in tennis. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| It's like grabbing the ball out the hole and putting it on the table. | ||
| But he does it with gloves on, like a gentleman. | ||
| Actually, the gloves have a purpose. | ||
| The gloves are so your hand oils don't get on the ball. | ||
| Because the balls are made out of what's called phenolic. | ||
| It's like a type of, I think it's like a composite plastic. | ||
| And they're super hard. | ||
| Like if you touch those balls that are out there on that table, they're super hard. | ||
| And they used to make them with either clay or ivory way back in the day. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| A lot of times they made the cue ball with ivory, and then the other balls would be made out of clay, or sometimes everything would be made out of clay. | ||
| But they were like these dead balls that were really tough to move around. | ||
| And then when they figured out this phenolic stuff, you're dealing with these things that get super slick. | ||
| So the greases from your hands, if you touch a ball, the oils on your hands will actually put a residue on the ball and it'll affect the way the ball moves. | ||
| Throw the game off. | ||
| Yeah, so if you see dudes touching cue balls and balls in your playing pool, like anybody who really knows how to play is going to go, well, that's going to fuck everything up. | ||
| Put your gloves on. | ||
| Yeah, or put a towel on and wipe them down. | ||
| Some serious games, they'll wipe every ball down after every rack. | ||
| In regular pool. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Guys that are gambling, they want that ball to respond a very particular way. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Because you get this... | ||
| When you think about what pool is, right, you're taking a cue, the average weight of a cue is about 19 ounces, so it's a very light thing, it's a little over a pound, and you're taking this thing, and just by how hard you're hitting, you're trying to control the revolutions of a ball, | ||
| and also those revolutions after it collides with a ball and knocks it into a hole, and then you're trying to Control the revolutions to like literally within inches and you get a feel after you do it for a while You play for hours and hours especially after years and years of playing You get this feel where like the guy like like that guy Efron Reyes that I was talking about he could just put that ball wherever the fuck he wants it It goes wherever he wants it. | ||
| He makes a ball. | ||
| The ball goes wherever he wants it. | ||
| And you watch him play. | ||
| It's like you're watching an art form. | ||
| If you know how hard it is to play the way that guy plays... | ||
| I know. | ||
| I suck so bad. | ||
| I know it's hard to play. | ||
| See, the thing about sucking so bad, though, is maybe you don't even appreciate how crazy it is what he's doing. | ||
| I do. | ||
| If you could play a little bit... | ||
| Then you watch them and you just go, God. | ||
| The people that really appreciate a guy like Efren Reyes, or Earl Strickland for that matter, or any of these world champion players, the people who really appreciate him are people that have played for a while. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know how you say you don't have the time to learn billiards? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's like, the times I played pool, or you play against somebody good, or you watch somebody play, you're like... | ||
| Yeah, that takes a lot of practice. | ||
| I don't have the time to get that good. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's only so many hours in a day, man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You want to play golf? | ||
| Go play golf. | ||
| You crazy? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| If you want to start golf today, you must have just extra time coming out of your ass. | ||
| Right. | ||
| That's like a nine-hour commitment. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You got to join a country club? | ||
| I know a dude who just joined a country club that costs a quarter of a million dollars a year. | ||
| How often is he going? | ||
| That's what I'm saying. | ||
| What? | ||
| It costs a quarter of a million dollars a year. | ||
| It costs that. | ||
| And then you have to pay money when you go. | ||
| I'm sure. | ||
| You have to eat there. | ||
| You have to get equipment. | ||
| Unless everything's free, other than that, you just go there and it's all free, but that doesn't make sense. | ||
| I might open up a country club. | ||
| I think they just, that's what we were talking about, like the billionaire ballers club. | ||
| If you're a billionaire baller, a quarter million bucks ain't shit. | ||
| It's like if someone says, hey Ian, we want you to join the Comedians Union, it's $25 a year. | ||
| You're like, what's $25? | ||
| Yeah, here you go, $25. | ||
| And if you're a super baller, $250,000 a year. | ||
| You're going there, you're going to run into other billionaires, you're going to do business, and you're going to make that money back. | ||
| That's what I'm saying. | ||
| It's worth it in spades. | ||
| And you're insulated because everybody there is a baller. | ||
| You're only around people who can afford a $250,000 a year membership to this shithole. | ||
| And the people that work there, they just want to keep their job. | ||
| This probably pays good. | ||
| So they're just, hey, what do you want? | ||
| Here's your order. | ||
| Leave you alone. | ||
| You know what I don't get? | ||
| People that want to live on golf courses that don't play golf. | ||
| Oh, for real? | ||
| Yeah, like hold on. | ||
| You don't play golf and you want to live on a golf course? | ||
| It does look beautiful. | ||
| It does look beautiful until some drunk assholes are playing golf right outside your bedroom. | ||
| There are people that live Golf courses. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Oh, yeah, dude everywhere There's a lot of these places are like gated communities that are on golf courses. | ||
| It's super common It's like the ultimate I'm a baller statement. | ||
| You have a gated community That's a golf course and you're a member of it. | ||
| There's a place out here. | ||
| It's called Lake Sherwood. | ||
| Oh, yeah Lake Sherwood Country Club. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| You go there. | ||
| There's these beautiful houses this amazing golf course and Just, everyone's so white. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's incredible. | |
| It's hilarious. | ||
| And they actually have their own lake. | ||
| There's a lake out there. | ||
| You can go bass fishing in it. | ||
| Oh, word. | ||
| Do they have bass in there? | ||
| Yeah, they have like largemouth bass in this lake. | ||
| Yeah, and it's a beautiful community. | ||
| And these people have these houses that are like on a golf course. | ||
| If it costs just a quarter of a mil to be a part of a golf club, how much does it cost to have a house to Probably a place you live in on the golf course. | ||
| Millions and millions of dollars, for sure. | ||
| I mean, it's a wealthy community. | ||
| But I think that's when you get those sort of CEO dudes. | ||
| They start moving into that upper echelon of finance and cash. | ||
| They want to be surrounded by people just like them. | ||
| It's like us wanting to be around other comedians. | ||
| Because I don't have any civilian friends, really. | ||
| All comedians? | ||
| Yeah, right now. | ||
| Like, I've been in it so long. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like... | |
| Not funny, we call it civilians. | ||
| People get mad at that, by the way. | ||
| They are. | ||
| But people get mad at it. | ||
| Like, you use military terms. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's what they are, man. | ||
| Sorry. | ||
| It's a funny thing. | ||
| That term, like, as soon as you say it to a comic, they know what it is. | ||
| Even if you've never used it around them before. | ||
| And they get it. | ||
| But, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, they don't understand true debauchery. | ||
| You think you get it. | ||
| You need to hang out with atheist Ari Shaffir in Amsterdam for a week. | ||
| You don't understand what the fuck is really going on. | ||
| If I'm around a friend from high school, And I say something, even if the person that they just introduced me to laughed, they say, you gotta excuse him. | ||
| He's a comedian. | ||
| Like none of my comedian friends would ever say no shit like that. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Like try to like make an excuse for something that they feel uncomfortable about that I said. | ||
| You know where that comes from? | ||
| Where? | ||
| Human resources. | ||
| That comes from like office rules. | ||
| You want to keep that job, you got to keep your behavior in check. | ||
| You can't be yourself. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I mean, how many people just live out there under a vice? | ||
| Just a vice of repression. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Can't laugh around, can't joke around about shit. | ||
| Yeah, and I take that for granted because what I do, I can say whatever I want. | ||
| Sometimes I think I'm not sane enough based on the other people that are saying shit to me. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, imagine if you're in an office with 50 people and you hate 10 of them. | ||
| And one of them's your boss. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And there's a bunch of attention-seeking dipshits in the staff, taking credit for other people's work. | ||
| You can't say anything. | ||
| Just go home and complain to your wife. | ||
| They live in hell. | ||
| Or your husband or whatever. | ||
| So many people live in hell. | ||
| How many people live in hell like that? | ||
| Just stuck all day with dipshits, saying dumb things. | ||
| But that's why people listen to your podcast. | ||
| It's like when you watch somebody on TV, you watch a James Bond movie, and he's doing things that you can't do. | ||
| Just having a podcast where you say whatever the fuck you want, and just living Like, people live... | ||
| You're in an office, you get to live through you. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Through your podcast. | ||
| It's a lot of pressure. | ||
| Nah, just keep doing what you're regularly doing. | ||
| It's a lot of pressure. | ||
| I'm feeling pressure. | ||
| Gotta be careful with all that pressure. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And that's why, you know, that's why... | ||
| That's partly why Trump is so popular. | ||
| Because he's the first president to just talk shit. | ||
| Like, it's truly a powerful thing. | ||
| Like, first, when you're the most powerful man in the world, you're censored. | ||
| But this is the first uncensored most powerful man in the world. | ||
| He's truly exuding his power on a don't give a fuck level. | ||
| Well, he gives a little bit of a fuck, but not enough of a fuck to change. | ||
| Yeah, he only gives a fuck... | ||
| If he gets dinged a little bit, but he doesn't pull back. | ||
| He swats back defensively in a way that a listener would want to swat back defensively at work, but still can't because Trump seems so less worried about his job and more like, I'm just going to be me. | ||
| Or when Chappelle quit the Chappelle show. | ||
| A lot of people found freedom in that. | ||
| That's why he's so mythical. | ||
| Oh, for sure. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| That's a good point. | ||
| Like, a lot of people make $50 million, but how many people you know turn down $50 million? | ||
| There's fewer of those. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Just one. | ||
| Just one. | ||
| Yeah, and he also didn't do stand-up in any scheduled performance for years. | ||
| He just would show up places. | ||
| Yeah, and he still does that. | ||
| So he just uses that. | ||
| Ah, I'm going to show up this place. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then they put out an email or however. | ||
| Oh, he just shows up. | ||
| I told you about when I was in Denver. | ||
| Oh, yeah, yeah. | ||
| He just showed up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I go to the green room. | ||
| Dave's in there. | ||
| I go, what are you doing, man? | ||
| Hey, Joe Rogan. | ||
| Yeah, that's his way, I guess, of just being free. | ||
| Free, yeah, do it whenever you want. | ||
| The only thing that he has scheduled is the Radio City thing. | ||
| And that's because, I guess, it's Radio City and you have to schedule it. | ||
| What does he do? | ||
| He does a regular show there? | ||
| He did it a few years ago. | ||
| Now he's going to do maybe a week and a half or two weeks of shows there. | ||
| And he's going to have guests on it, like musical guests, comics some days. | ||
| Ooh, I like it. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| He's going to have a comics ball party. | ||
| That's a great idea. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's a great idea. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, he does represent what we all consider to be like the highest standard of a real comic artist. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know, and when you get together with a group of comedians and you look at like who's like doing it the right way. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I mean, there's other ways to do it that are really like more commercially successful. | ||
| I mean, Louis is more commercially successful in terms of like constantly chasing it down. | ||
| But Davis just also has that mythical quality to it as well. | ||
| Like you were talking about turning down the 50 million. | ||
| That has a big factor in how we look at it too. | ||
| That's his biggest TV credit. | ||
| It's turning down. | ||
| And also like walking away from the greatest sketch show the world's ever known. | ||
| That is still to me, in my eyes, the greatest sketch show of all time. | ||
| It had a lot of funny ass shit on there. | ||
| As far as hit or miss, it's the best ever. | ||
| Saturday Night Live has some great sketches, but there's a lot of turds in there too. | ||
| Yeah, mostly turds. | ||
| Just over the accumulation of years, it's got a lot of bullshit. | ||
| And it's also because of the format. | ||
| I mean, they're trying to come up with a new show every week. | ||
| It's brutal. | ||
| It's also like when I was talking to Phil Hartman. | ||
| When he had just come from Saturday Night Live and he was on news radio, he was talking about how competitive it is there. | ||
| Yeah, it is. | ||
| The backstabby. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| This, like, infighting and all this, and everyone's fighting to get their stuff on the air. | ||
| I was like, ooh. | ||
| I was like, I don't... | ||
| And they don't care if it's the best or funny. | ||
| I could backstab somebody with a good sketch to get my okay sketch on so I get some time, some shine. | ||
| Fuck it. | ||
| Well, listen, if you look at all the people that have been on Saturday Night Live, right? | ||
| How many of them are you like, that guy was on Saturday Night Live? | ||
| There's a lot. | ||
| There's a lot. | ||
| Saturday Night Live used to be, holy shit, it's Dan Aykroyd. | ||
| It's Gilda Radner. | ||
| It's John Belushi. | ||
| It was people that were giant. | ||
| Chevy Chase. | ||
| People that were giant because they were on Saturday Night Live. | ||
| If you were on Saturday Night Live, you fucking made it, man. | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| Now it's maybe, what, one out of ten that you even know who the fuck they are after they leave? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's a lot of ex-Saturday Night Live people. | ||
| How about Daryl Hammond? | ||
| Daryl Hammond was on Saturday Night Live for a long fucking time. | ||
| But if you come up to the average person and say, and he's a funny comic. | ||
| Do you remember Daryl from New York? | ||
| Yeah, I remember Daryl. | ||
| He's a funny guy, man, before Saturday Night Live. | ||
| But it didn't translate into big movies or a lot of stuff. | ||
| You know, and that guy was really good. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I mean, he was in some really good sketches. | ||
| Tim Meadows. | ||
| Whatever happened to Tim Meadows? | ||
| He's doing stand-up and he gets jobs, but he's not big like he was when he's on SNL. There was a time, right? | ||
| I know. | ||
| There was a time when him and Pharoah were kind of like neck and neck. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They both leave SNL and... | ||
| What happened? | ||
| He was in like a couple of duds. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What was that one cool guy movie he was in? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The Ladies Man. | |
| Ladies Man. | ||
| That one killed it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Like, SNL is like a record deal. | ||
| It's like, when you get out, you drop your first album. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| If it doesn't hit... | ||
| It's a wrap. | ||
| Show business would be Stone Cold. | ||
| Yeah, look at him, man. | ||
| Ladies, man. | ||
| He was funny in this movie, too. | ||
| And that was his character on SNL, right? | ||
| Which means it's not even his movie. | ||
| Like, Lauren gets the... | ||
| He gets all the movies. | ||
| Like, when you create a character on SNL, it's like, oh, bitch, that's my movie. | ||
| Like, you can't just do it on your own. | ||
| And then you get cut loose, and then it's like, well, good luck. | ||
| I mean, how many of them are there? | ||
| How many, like, really successful comedians have come from SNL versus how many have been on? | ||
| Right. | ||
| Probably crazy numbers, right? | ||
| Yeah, here's the list of almost everyone that's ever been on it, I think. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's a lot of people. | |
| It even keeps going. | ||
| Oh, well, there's probably hundreds of people that have been on forever. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, there's probably hundreds. | |
| But there's guys like Chris Kattan. | ||
| He's doing stand-up now. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I forgot Al Franken was on it. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's a senator now? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| People want him to run for president. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Joe Piscopo, that's right. | ||
| He was the Jersey guy. | ||
| I'm from Jersey. | ||
| Are you from Jersey? | ||
| I'm from Jersey. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know. | |
| Where's Rachel Drack? | ||
| She was talented. | ||
| She was killing it. | ||
| Garrett Morris. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, there's a lot of them, man. | ||
| You forget. | ||
| Janine Garofalo was on SNL? Oh, shit. | ||
| I didn't know that. | ||
| I totally forgot that. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| Gilbert Gottfried. | ||
| Dennis Miller. | ||
| Oh, Gilbert Gottfried. | ||
| Molly Shannon. | ||
| Whatever happened to Molly Shannon? | ||
| I know. | ||
| She was huge on there. | ||
| She was huge off of there. | ||
| Remember? | ||
| She had a bunch of movies. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What happened to her? | ||
| I think one of the movies bombed. | ||
| She had like two and they bombed. | ||
| That's all it takes. | ||
| They're done with you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Death. | |
| I didn't know Sarah Silverman was on SNL. Yeah, she was for a little bit. | ||
| I don't know anything. | ||
| I really barely pay attention. | ||
| But yeah, that's... | ||
| I mean... | ||
| If you look at like... | ||
| All-time sketch shows. | ||
| I mean SNL had to do a live one every week They had to do all new material every week doing from studio audience do it live on television a lot of impediments But as far as overall quality best one ever Chappelle show Chappelle You know what number two might be in living color. | ||
| Yeah, people forgot about in living color. | ||
| Yeah, that was hilarious And also, shocking! | ||
| Shocking! | ||
| Handyman? | ||
| They had a handicapped superhero? | ||
| What? | ||
| You couldn't do that today, ever! | ||
| Fire Marshal Bill? | ||
| Get the fuck out of here. | ||
| You can't do that. | ||
| That's just timing. | ||
| When I think about that time, it's just timing. | ||
| It's like, Keenan's gonna do a sketch show, he's at the comedy store, his brother's there, Fucking Jim Carrey's there. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| David Allen Greer's around, free. | ||
| Killers. | ||
| Killers, like just waiting for a shot. | ||
| They all get together. | ||
| David, what's his name? | ||
| Skinny guy, Tommy Davidson. | ||
| Tommy Davidson, yeah. | ||
| All this talent just needing a shot. | ||
| And a fly girl. | ||
| Jennifer Lopez. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And the other Puerto Rican leader, the Fly Girls. | ||
| I forgot her name right now. | ||
| Rosie Perez? | ||
| Rosie Perez. | ||
| Like, look how much shit came out of that show. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Crazy. | |
| Even afterwards, Jamie Foxx came on. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Careers that are still going, man. | ||
| And then there was MADtv, where you'd watch, MADtv would be on like season 10, you'd be like, that show's still in the air? | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| But MADtv had a bunch of great sketches too. | ||
| People just forgot. | ||
| They had really good, innovative sketches too. | ||
| And that was like when people were comparing Inside Amy Schumer, like a lot of the shows they were saying, a lot of the episodes they were saying were ripped off. | ||
| They thought were ripped off from MADtv. | ||
| But part of that is because you run out of premises. | ||
| Like, didn't Simpsons, like, South Park always used to joke around about, like, Simpsons. | ||
| They had episodes called Simpsons Already Did It. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah. | |
| Yeah, because the Simpsons did everything. | ||
| Yeah, you're stealing from yourself because you got new writers. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's, like, Simpsons been on, what, 20 years? | ||
| Maybe longer? | ||
|
unidentified
|
At least. | |
| South Park's been on 20 years now. | ||
| So somebody who's been writing... | ||
| I think The Simpsons were on in the 80s. | ||
| Yeah, they might have been. | ||
| It's close to 30 years for sure. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So somebody who's been writing on The Simpsons five years, just five years, which is a long time, can come up with a premise that was did in year 10 of The Simpsons and not know. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And everybody there, they might have forgot and just, fuck it, let's do it. | ||
| Yeah, it doesn't matter as long as you can do it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Right, it's like, yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, there's got to be someone, but no one can probably recall every episode of The Simpsons. | ||
| I'm probably wrong. | ||
| There's probably some real super fans out there that can do it. | ||
| I'm sure. | ||
| You do. | ||
| There you go. | ||
| Jamie's like, I've got ginks in my blood. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Not me, but I know people that can. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| No, for sure. | ||
| Yeah, it seems like you get to a certain number of episodes of things. | ||
| For sure, they've covered virtually at least close to every subject. | ||
| But maybe not. | ||
| But the thing about cartoons, though, is that you could just do anything. | ||
| It's so much more beautiful in terms of what you can get away with, kill people, they come back to life next week, you don't have to explain it. | ||
| South Park can do anything. | ||
| Their animation is so crude and simple, they can whack together a show in a matter of minutes. | ||
| If something happened today, they can put a show up tomorrow. | ||
| They literally could. | ||
| I mean, I'm sure they're such a well-oiled machine now, too. | ||
| And then those guys' work ethic is just... | ||
| Insane. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, that Trey Parker guy's off the charts. | ||
| Yeah, they got rock work ethic. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, they're in there. | ||
| With their brain. | ||
| Yeah, with their brain, yeah. | ||
| I wonder what that's about. | ||
| Like, what keeps a person going that hard for so long? | ||
| I know. | ||
| Like, because it can't be the money. | ||
| I wonder. | ||
| I mean, it's got to be the creativity. | ||
| It's just got to be just seeing the finished product. | ||
| But they're also very socially responsible. | ||
| They'll shit on people when things go bad in the news, and they'll come after people. | ||
| I like that about them. | ||
| I do too. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| Well, that Carlos Mencia, Kanye West, Fish Sticks episode, Jesus Christ. | ||
| That was when he was on Comedy Central. | ||
| It was like, whoa, they went hard. | ||
| And Team America World Police, they do that on the side. | ||
| Like, what? | ||
| Yeah, and the Book of Mormon. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, just... | ||
| Just super creative guys. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| Makes you feel lazy? | ||
| Yeah, there's a lot of people out there that apparently make me feel lazy. | ||
| So, your schedule... | ||
| You keep going. | ||
| Like, how the fuck is he doing this shit? | ||
| Coffee. | ||
| Coffee. | ||
| Gotta have coffee. | ||
| Some deep-seated desire to figure things out. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I wonder. | ||
| I like to do a lot of shit that's not work-related, too. | ||
| I'm leaning more towards doing more of that lately. | ||
| I think that at a certain point in time, I can't keep doing three things. | ||
| Can't keep working for the UFC, doing a podcast, and doing stand-up. | ||
| I'm gonna have to chop it down to two or one. | ||
| Someday, let me just stand up. | ||
| Occasionally. | ||
| Just occasional stand up. | ||
| Occasional stand up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, you get to a certain point. | ||
| I mean, do you want to just, I don't know, I guess stand up, I don't really have a burnout feeling because I always create new stuff every couple of years and it's always about putting it together. | ||
| But I mean, how many more years are you going to want to do that? | ||
| Like, so what's, Like, what's your ultimate, like, later on future goal? | ||
| Let's say even five years from now. | ||
| Like, what do you think will make you happy doing? | ||
| That's part of the problem. | ||
| I don't have any goals. | ||
| I have zero goals. | ||
| This is my goal. | ||
| Do the best stand-up I can do. | ||
| Try to do the best podcast I can do. | ||
| Do the best job when I'm doing commentary. | ||
| Just do the best I can do while I'm doing it. | ||
| Enjoy it. | ||
| That's simple enough. | ||
| Yeah, that's it. | ||
| I don't really have like, you know, I want to make X amount of money or do X amount. | ||
| I just don't want it to suck. | ||
| Right. | ||
| My whole motivation is don't put anything that sucks. | ||
| Put out things that people enjoy. | ||
| Figure out a way to make it enjoyable. | ||
| Put all your effort into it. | ||
| Because I know that if I don't do that, I will feel like shit. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I know if I have a show that's not so good, and we've all had those, or a podcast that's not so good, and I've definitely had those. | ||
| It does not feel good. | ||
| They don't always come out perfect. | ||
| There's no way around that. | ||
| Especially when we're doing these live shows, man. | ||
| Live shows have so many variables. | ||
| The time of the show, how tired the audience is, how tired you are, how you've been traveling, are you sick? | ||
| There's so many things that can affect how your performance comes out, even if you consciously try to pump yourself up. | ||
| I've had some bad shows when I wasn't feeling good. | ||
| That's hard, right? | ||
| When you just don't have the energy or the feeling in the bits the same because you're feeling sick. | ||
| Bad shows help you get better shows. | ||
| That's what they're for. | ||
| They're like, you didn't do this, do this next time. | ||
| Didn't do that, work on that. | ||
| Also the sick feeling of like, I don't like a really good show. | ||
| I don't even like a show that's like, that was pretty good. | ||
| I don't even like that. | ||
| If it's like, that was pretty good, I was like, ugh. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Why isn't it better? | |
| I'm always like, why isn't it better? | ||
| Why isn't it my best show ever? | ||
| My last show might have been my best one ever. | ||
| Why isn't this one my new best one ever? | ||
| Different audience, different place, venue. | ||
| I know, but I mean, that's, I think, that's my motivation. | ||
| That's what keeps me going, like trying to figure out how to wait a... | ||
| And then also, trying to figure out what to do with my material. | ||
| Like, should I be writing more stuff here? | ||
| Should I just be honing this down? | ||
| Like, how do I approach... | ||
| Should I toss some of this aside and throw some new stuff in there and then bring it back? | ||
| And, you know, it's constantly trying to... | ||
| You know, like when you're creating something, like when you created your CD, don't you get that feeling sort of where you're like, okay, I got to kind of engineer this a little, but I also got to kind of like let it be itself, right? | ||
| Like I just I'm like that kind of before I Start doing a joke like if I'm doing a joke and I'm like or if I think of a joke like my elimination process of What I should have shouldn't do starts before I start doing The joke. | ||
| So if the joke fits into my criteria, then I start doing it. | ||
| So then I'm not wasting time. | ||
| I don't feel like I'm wasting time from the beginning. | ||
| I think creatively... | ||
| Like, I try to do the things that I really like to talk about. | ||
| So then I don't have to worry about later on looking at the whole thing as much and saying, I got to lose this and I got to lose that. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So I start early. | ||
| So then the things that I'm talking about, I'm already feeling them. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It's just sometimes when you hold on to things a long time and you're doing them for a long time. | ||
| You don't feel it anymore. | ||
| Then you don't feel it anymore. | ||
| And the audience tells you, You're not feeling it anymore based on the reaction you're getting now and from when the reaction you used to get. | ||
| And you could feel that thing getting tired. | ||
| That's why I always say that stand-up is in some sort of a mass hypnosis. | ||
| It's very similar. | ||
| It's not like someone's tricking you or telling you what to do or gonna get you to quit smoking. | ||
| Not in that way. | ||
| But when a guy's on stage, like if I'm in the back of the room and I'm watching you and you're killing, one of the things that's really funny is I start thinking the way you're thinking. | ||
| When you crack a joke about something, it's like, I'm in your groove. | ||
| I'm letting you do all the thinking for me. | ||
| If you watch a really good comic, like if I'm watching you, if I'm in the back of the room and I'm watching you, I just let you do all the thinking. | ||
| Because I know you know what you're doing. | ||
| I know you're going to take it down a funny place. | ||
| It's going to be great. | ||
| Here we go. | ||
| And just let it happen. | ||
| But the moment that you don't trust that person anymore, the moment they fuck up or something goes weird and the spell gets broken, you know? | ||
| And then you're like, oh, that guy just fucked up that joke. | ||
| This joke sucks now. | ||
| This joke's not good. | ||
| I'm not gonna let him think for me anymore. | ||
| Oh, this subject's terrible. | ||
| Oh, this subject's just gross. | ||
| Oh, he's just trying to get noises out of me now. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Yeah, you gotta earn the audience's trust to let you co-pilot the evening. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| And take over. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And just relax and listen to you. | ||
| And you can tank it, and you bring it back. | ||
| That's possible too, as long as you're real honest about what's happening. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Like, just in Montreal, we did a show before... | ||
| So we have a warm-up show. | ||
| So we're going to tape the LOL thing, so they give you a warm-up show. | ||
| So I started... | ||
| So you have eight minutes, and there's other comics on the show. | ||
| So in the first... | ||
| I don't even know what jokes I'm going to do for the LOL thing, because everybody's like... | ||
| What is the LOL thing? | ||
| It's like Kevin Hart's new network. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| And then you're going to do an eight-minute segment on it. | ||
| It's a network? | ||
| Yeah, it's a network. | ||
| What's he going to put it on? | ||
| I think it's on the internet. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So it's a whole, like, internet channel. | ||
| And it's all comedy. | ||
| So he's doing scripted. | ||
| He's taping, like, stand-up shows with a host. | ||
| And there's people who have half an hour on it. | ||
| So I just went to do, like, an eight-minute segment. | ||
| And during the warm-up show, some chick was just talking in the beginning of my set. | ||
| Talking to you or just talking? | ||
| Talking to a girlfriend. | ||
| Ooh. | ||
| So then the first joke went well, but then I had to stop and say, are you going to shut the fuck up? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ooh. | |
| And we should, you know what? | ||
| I'm going to have you kicked out. | ||
| And nobody in the club moved. | ||
| And she's like, no, you're not. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| She said, no, you're not. | ||
| No, you're not. | ||
| I said, all right, we'll see. | ||
| We're going to have you kicked out. | ||
| I said, who's running this shit? | ||
| And this is the eight... | ||
| I only have eight minutes. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And I got to get back on track. | ||
| She said, no, you're not? | ||
| Yeah, several times. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| So she thought she could just talk. | ||
| Yeah, she could just talk. | ||
| And you know what? | ||
| The club did not kick her out. | ||
| You got to do your whole set with her sitting there? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But I got them back on track because they did want her to shut up and she did shut up. | ||
| But the defiance... | ||
| I've never... | ||
| And then some Canadian comic later on was like, you know what? | ||
| You should write the club because we have this problem in the club every time. | ||
| But if you write a letter to the owner and tell them they never have security here... | ||
| What club is this? | ||
| It was the Comedy Nest. | ||
| Oh, in Montreal. | ||
| In Montreal, yeah. | ||
| I've been in that spot before. | ||
| Does the comedy work still there? | ||
| The little tiny spot? | ||
| I think it's still there. | ||
| That place is amazing. | ||
| Yeah, it's like a place upstairs. | ||
| Yeah, it's just like a little fucking room, a hotbox. | ||
| Dude, there's like 80 people. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, maybe. | ||
| I did a one-man show in there like two years ago. | ||
| I did like an hour in there. | ||
| It was fucking amazing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Montreal's an interesting place. | ||
| You know, it's a funny thing, too, like during the festival. | ||
| It's like, it becomes like this really intense environment for comedians. | ||
| A lot of pressure. | ||
| People go there to be seen. | ||
| Go there to make deals. | ||
| People get development deals and shit from Montreal. | ||
| It's a weird, weird thing. | ||
| I mean, you gotta go to another country. | ||
| Go into a country that doesn't even speak English. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I mean, in Quebec, they prefer French. | ||
| An English country that refuses to speak English. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Well, that one section. | ||
| But it is kind of like visiting another land. | ||
| It doesn't feel like... | ||
| Like, if you go to Toronto, it might as well be Detroit or something. | ||
| I mean, it's a nice city, but, I mean, a little nicer than Detroit, I guess. | ||
| Sorry, Detroit. | ||
| People get mad. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Detroit's amazing! | ||
| Come on, bro. | ||
| Okay, let's say Chicago. | ||
| Might as well be Chicago. | ||
| Might as well be. | ||
| I mean, it's just another big city. | ||
| It doesn't feel like you're in another world. | ||
| Right. | ||
| If you go to Montreal, you feel like you might as well be in Europe. | ||
| Yeah, because people start instantly talking to you in French. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then they realize you don't know any French and then start talking English without a French accent. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, how do you know another language? | ||
| I get you knowing another language, but how do you do it without an accent? | ||
| Yeah, how do you do it that good? | ||
| How do you sound straight-up English, speaking English, and how do you sound straight-up French without the English interruption in your French accent? | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| How do you? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How do you? | ||
| Good switch. | ||
| Yeah, I haven't been to Montreal in a while, man. | ||
| I was there for a UFC maybe a year ago or so. | ||
| I need to get back up there. | ||
| Yeah, the women are beautiful there, man. | ||
| It's an amazing place. | ||
| It's an amazing place. | ||
| Cold as fuck in the winter. | ||
| Yeah, I don't fuck with it in the winter. | ||
| I used to do winters up there. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I could headline. | ||
| I've done shows up there in the winter, but it's like in and out. | ||
| They used to do black shows at this club called Club Soda. | ||
| Yeah, I know Club Soda. | ||
| I used to work there. | ||
| Yeah, it was dope. | ||
| Yeah, that was a nice room. | ||
| Yeah, it was a nice spot, yeah. | ||
| That's whenever I used to do the festival. | ||
| I used to do Club Soda. | ||
| I did it with Ari. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| Yeah, Club Soda's great, man. | ||
| I did... | ||
| I did the comedy from the Danger Zone with Dom Herrera there from Showtime and from Club Soda too. | ||
| They taped it? | ||
| Way back in the day. | ||
| Yeah, way back in the day. | ||
| Dom Herrera and I met in Montreal. | ||
| Montreal's a great festival, man. | ||
| It's like, we call it like a... | ||
| Comedy convention. | ||
| Summer camp, you know, for comics. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Talk about just all the comics pretty much In the same hotel or spread out throughout a few hotels and you're just hanging out, laughing, having fun in the lobby. | ||
| Everybody goes off to their shows. | ||
| Some people come to your shows. | ||
| You're just having fun, man. | ||
| You're working. | ||
| How many days does it go? | ||
| It starts... | ||
| It's like two weeks, right? | ||
| Yeah, it's almost like two weeks, because they start the ethnic show and some other shows a week ahead. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| But then last week was like the... | ||
| Last week was like the last... | ||
| Like the full-on regular week. | ||
| The last week is? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, there's not another one. | ||
| They tried to do a couple other ones. | ||
| They used to have an Aspen one, which is really good. | ||
| Yeah, that shut down. | ||
| Yeah, you know why? | ||
| Because those fucking executives, they would just go skiing all day. | ||
| They didn't really want to watch the shows. | ||
| They'd go to the shows and be tired as fuck because there's no air and they've been skiing all day. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know? | ||
| You ever been to Aspen other than that? | ||
| Yeah, and I caught the flu up there, the worst flu I ever had. | ||
| At the festival? | ||
| Yeah, because it was going around, and I was sick, and I had to tape a TV show, and I mustered up enough energy to do the taping, and then I just slept in bed for like two days. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| And then I had to check out of my hotel at 11, but my flight wasn't until like 7. Oh, shit. | ||
| So I'm like the worst flu ever that I've ever had. | ||
| And you had to fly with it? | ||
| I had to fly with it. | ||
| And when I checked out, this is how bad I was. | ||
| When I checked out at 11, the guy looked at me and I told him that my flight was at 7. He's like, I'm going to give you a room so you could sleep in until your flight. | ||
| That saved my life. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And I lay down for like maybe three hours. | ||
| Did it help? | ||
| It helped. | ||
| It helped me enough to have enough energy to just... | ||
| And then you're at the airport, and I think the flight got delayed. | ||
| So now I'm like in the airport, worst flu ever, for like two hours. | ||
| When your immune system is compromised like that too, it's amazing how little energy you have. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like when people don't... | ||
| That's like a cliche that health is the most important thing. | ||
| You're like, fuck up, bitch. | ||
| Money is the most important thing. | ||
| Fuck out of here with your health. | ||
| I'll be coughing, counting my cash, feeling great. | ||
| Not true. | ||
| Health is everything. | ||
| If you just feel a little shitty, just a little shitty, it markedly changes the way you look at life. | ||
| If you cut your thumb, right, that changes your whole day. | ||
| It could, right? | ||
| Especially if it gets infected. | ||
| Yeah, that changes your whole... | ||
| If you stub your toe and that shit hurts, it changes. | ||
| Like any little thing could change your whole day. | ||
| Like health-wise. | ||
| Don't be a bitch, bro. | ||
| Like some type of hurt or just something. | ||
| Any injury. | ||
| Like a headache. | ||
| Changes everything. | ||
| And surgery. | ||
| My buddy's wife got rotator cuff surgery. | ||
| Just fucked up for weeks apparently. | ||
| Can't put your shirt on. | ||
| Agony. | ||
| I was like, oh no. | ||
| That doesn't sound good. | ||
| Yeah, anytime something goes wrong. | ||
| But I think, like, overall health and wellness is so fucking important. | ||
| Yeah, for sure. | ||
| It's so important. | ||
| It's like there's so many people out there that just don't take care of their meat wagon. | ||
| You gotta. | ||
| You gotta take care of your meat vehicle. | ||
| You have to. | ||
| You just... | ||
| What's really crazy to me, like people that I know that don't take care of their body and then they talk about being depressed. | ||
| It's like, what did you think? | ||
| You think you just pour shit down your hole and you would feel good? | ||
| Right. | ||
| Like just no sleeping, tons of cigarettes, tons of booze, and you thought you'd feel good? | ||
| Right. | ||
| You're shocked. | ||
| I don't know why I feel sick. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| You don't? | ||
| I've just been filming shit lately. | ||
| Doing the same thing over and over again. | ||
| Taking drugs. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| It's hilarious. | ||
| Did you see What the Health? | ||
| I watched a doctor's response to What the Health. | ||
| I watched this because I heard it was like some crazy vegan propaganda. | ||
| It's not based on science at all. | ||
| They're trying to say that fat causes diabetes and fat gets clogged up. | ||
| And doctors that have looked at it, there's been a ton of debunkers online that have looked at it. | ||
| They say, this is pseudoscience. | ||
| This is not real. | ||
| Like, definitely a vegan diet can be healthy. | ||
| Definitely taking a lot of vegetables can be really good for you. | ||
| And definitely it's good to have nutrient-rich foods, whether it's fresh vegetables or whatever you want to eat. | ||
| And you could absolutely, if you're careful and you're smart about your saturated fats and unsaturated fats and especially essential fatty acids and things like that, you could live a very healthy life as a vegan. | ||
| Just do it right. | ||
| But these guys lie. | ||
| I think they went a little overboard on that documentary. | ||
| What it is is a vegan proselytizing... | ||
| What you're trying to do is get people to sign up for veganism by scaring the shit out of them with lies. | ||
| And you're saying things like saturated fats and all these things clog up in your arteries and that causes diabetes. | ||
| That's not true. | ||
| Like in this what the hell... | ||
| What? | ||
| It's the same guys that made Cowspiracy that came in here. | ||
| Yes, exactly. | ||
| And they were wrong about that too when they came in here. | ||
| They were talking about how many acres it takes for a cow to graze and all the negative aspects. | ||
| There's absolutely negative aspects when it comes to animal agriculture. | ||
| And I think it's super important to be honest about those negative aspects even when criticizing it. | ||
| You can't exaggerate it to make your case look better because the actual facts are disturbing enough. | ||
| Especially factory farming when it comes to cows and shit and pigs. | ||
| It's disturbing to see them all stacked up in there like that. | ||
| It's disturbing to see those rivers of shit where people run these pig farms and the shit comes up. | ||
| They filmed it with a drone at one of these giant commercial places. | ||
| It's fucking disturbing. | ||
| And that is straight up fact. | ||
| That's enough. | ||
| There's a ton of actual facts that are disturbing. | ||
| And as soon as you have these doctors that are just bullshit artists that are saying all these things that aren't supported by science, and when this one doctor goes over all the different things and what the health that are incorrect, you kind of understand what it is. | ||
| They mean well. | ||
| I'm sure they mean well. | ||
| They're trying to get people to quit eating processed meat, which is a very good idea. | ||
| Processed food is fucking terrible for you. | ||
| Whether it's food with a lot of preservatives, meats with a lot of preservatives, all that stuff is definitely 100% not good for you. | ||
| But that doesn't mean that grass-fed beef is bad for you, because it's not. | ||
| It doesn't mean that you can't have a healthy diet with salmon and fish, you know, like different kinds of ocean fish, scallops, and use that as your primary protein source, and then vegetables, and have like a super healthy diet. | ||
| Because you will. | ||
| You will have a super healthy diet. | ||
| And there's a lot of arguments to avoid dairy. | ||
| I think a lot of it depends on the individual. | ||
| A lot of good arguments, right? | ||
| A lot of really good arguments. | ||
| Really good arguments in terms of your immune system, inflammation. | ||
| There's a lot of really good arguments to avoid processed sugar. | ||
| There's a lot of really good arguments. | ||
| But I think it's like what we were talking about earlier when you were talking about if you found those scrolls in Qumran. | ||
| You would kind of like, well, this is what it's saying. | ||
| Saying I get all the bitches. | ||
| You know, you need to figure out a way to lean it towards you. | ||
| Well, these people are clearly on team vegan, which is great, and it's fine. | ||
| The way to be on team vegan and do it right is be healthy, be nice, and be honest. | ||
| Be honest, yeah. | ||
| Be honest. | ||
| Because it's good enough. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you're going to get plenty of those. | ||
| There's a lot of those out there. | ||
| I don't want to discredit them. | ||
| And there's a lot of crazy vegans, too, that are just going to get mad at you, and they just decided, now that they're vegan, to just attack everyone who's not vegan. | ||
| I've seen those, too. | ||
| Yeah, I've seen that. | ||
| Humans, right? | ||
| That's just... | ||
| That's just human shit. | ||
| Yeah, human shit. | ||
| So, I mean, I know a ton of people that are very happy being vegan, and you're one of them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right, right. | |
| You know, and I fuck with you all the time about it, but you're a healthy dude. | ||
| You've always been healthy. | ||
| You know, but you do it right. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, I've done it wrong. | ||
| Like, I've been an unhealthy vegan. | ||
| Like, right now, I gotta stop fucking with sodium. | ||
| What's wrong with sodium? | ||
| Like, just high blood pressure-wise? | ||
| That doesn't really happen. | ||
| That's not real. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Does it? | |
| No. | ||
| See, that's another misconception. | ||
| The misconception about sodium is that sodium is somehow or another the cause of high blood pressure. | ||
| That was all put together by some bullshit-ass doctor. | ||
| One doctor. | ||
| Pull up the myth of sodium. | ||
| This is crazy, this story, because so many people believe it. | ||
| What causes high blood pressure? | ||
| A lot of it's genetic. | ||
| Genetic? | ||
| Yeah, genetic. | ||
| It could be, you know... | ||
| Goddammit, Dad. | ||
| Sedentary lifestyle. | ||
| There's a lot of factors. | ||
| Is it sedentary lifestyle? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, you don't really work out. | ||
| Shaking up the salt myth. | ||
| Here you go. | ||
| Chris Kresher, who's actually been on the podcast before. | ||
| An all-age of salt has been invested with a significance for exceeding that inherent in its natural properties. | ||
| I don't... | ||
| Okay, that's a little wordy there. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Okay, here we go. | ||
| It's been referred to as the single most harmful substance in the food supply. | ||
| But is salt really dangerous? | ||
| New, new, new. | ||
| Shaking up the salt myth. | ||
| Actually, this is not what I'm looking for. | ||
| What I want you to do is just pull up the conspiracy about how one doctor wrote some bullshit paper about sodium. | ||
| You got that? | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Time to end the war on salt from Scientific America. | ||
| The zealous drive by politicians to limit our salt intake has little basis in science. | ||
| It's all bullshit. | ||
| Make that larger, please, my shitty fucking eyes. | ||
| There's just so many artists. | ||
| Like, how do we know what's real and what's not? | ||
| Yeah, but this is like, it started with, there's like a very clear beginning for this. | ||
| There was a bullshit study that someone passed And, you know, there's also been a ton of bullshit. | ||
| There it is, 1904. French doctors reported that six of their subjects who had high blood pressure, a known risk factor for heart disease, were salt fiends. | ||
| Worries escalated in the 1970s when Brookhaven National Laboratory's Louis Dahl claimed that he had unequivocal evidence that salt causes hypertension. | ||
| He induced high blood pressure in rats by feeding them the human equivalent of 500 grams of sodium today, which is an insane amount. | ||
| Today, the average American consumes 3.4 grams of sodium, or 8.4 grams of salt a day. | ||
| Scroll up a little there. | ||
| Dahl also discovered that the population tends to continue to be cited as strong evidence of a link... | ||
| Between salt intake and high blood pressure, people living in countries with high salt consumption, such as Japan, also tend to have high blood pressure and more strokes. | ||
| But as a paper pointed out several years later in the American Journal of Hypertension, scientists had little luck finding such associations when they compared sodium intakes within populations, which suggested that genetics or other cultural factors might be the culprit. | ||
| Anyway, this 1977 study Affected the US Senate Select Committee on Nutrition and Human Needs, and they released a report recommending that Americans cut their salt intake by 50-85% based largely on Dahl's work. | ||
| So this one dick fuck... | ||
| Ruined it for everybody that wants to put salt in your fries like you can get off that but this is Salt is a mineral and it's a natural part of like being a human being It's an essential mineral essential mineral It's like when you have endurance athletes and they go on these crazy runs and they do like a hundred miles They take salt, right? | ||
| It's one of the places. | ||
| Yeah, they put salt in their body and it's in Gatorade It is in Gatorade, a little bit. | ||
| But you know what the best version of it, apparently, health-wise, is that Himalayan salt? | ||
| Himalayan, right. | ||
| Because Himalayan salt has a bunch of natural base minerals in it. | ||
| They recommend you take a little bit of Himalayan salt, just drop a little bit in your water in the morning, put some lemon in there. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So I use that a little bit. | ||
| But I think with vegan food, probably based on my genetics, because they try to make it taste a certain way, they might put a lot of fucking salt in there. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| I see what you're saying. | ||
| But I could feel something towards December in my body whenever I ate. | ||
| So now that I've cut back, I'll cook more, and I'll just eat places that have less salt. | ||
| Because there's salt and shit, but some people over-salt shit. | ||
| It also could be sugar. | ||
| You could be getting sugar in your food, too. | ||
| I mean, what you should do, honestly, is, and I could send you to a guy, you should get some blood work done. | ||
| Alright. | ||
| I did some. | ||
| Did? | ||
| What'd they say? | ||
| It was, the guy said salt. | ||
| He said you took too much salt. | ||
| But the guy's a fucking idiot. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| You went to an idiot doctor. | ||
| Why did he say you have too much salt? | ||
| Did you find sodium in your blood? | ||
| Like what is he saying? | ||
| Like the blood pressure was getting high. | ||
| What a fucking asshole. | ||
| They've proven there's not a connection. | ||
| This idiot is telling you to cut back the salt. | ||
| How the fuck are you supposed to trust doctors when they're going by some shit that they went to school with in 1980? | ||
| That's my point. | ||
| You can't trust anybody. | ||
| Everybody's thing is based on perception. | ||
| If a doctor's your age, that motherfucker was in college in the 80s. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So, what the fuck? | ||
| That's a long goddamn time ago. | ||
| So then he was taught the shit that, you know... | ||
| Ten years after the 70s. | ||
| People were idiots. | ||
| There were monkeys. | ||
| They had fucking bell bottoms on. | ||
| People were barely out of the caves. | ||
| Like in the 1970s? | ||
| If you committed to be a doctor, right? | ||
| And you learned everything that you learned. | ||
| Your whole identity is being based on what you know. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So if some new shit comes up or you find out that something that you were taught that's embedded in you is not true, then you're going to fight that new truth. | ||
| And stick to the old way because that fucks with your identity. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And who you are and who people perceive you to be. | ||
| There's also like peripheral knowledge that people have. | ||
| And I'm guilty of this too. | ||
| Everybody is, I guess. | ||
| But I'm guilty of it especially. | ||
| Like you get a little peripheral knowledge of something and you think you know, you understand what it is. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I was talking to a scientist, an actual scientist, and I was talking about eggs. | ||
| We were talking about, oh, that's got to be fun, growing your own chickens. | ||
| And he goes, well, what about the cholesterol? | ||
| Doesn't that lead to high blood pressure? | ||
| Are you taking in all that cholesterol? | ||
| I'm like, Jesus Christ. | ||
| You're a fucking scientist. | ||
| Don't you understand that dietary cholesterol barely even moves the needle on blood lipids? | ||
| There's a lot of sedentary lifestyle, genetics. | ||
| There's all sorts of factors. | ||
| But chickens, and eggs from chicken, They're not bad for you at all. | ||
| In fact, it's one of the most healthiest foods you can eat. | ||
| If you're saying that chicken eggs are bad for you, you're essentially saying that food is bad for you. | ||
| Life is bad for you. | ||
| They shit all over eggs. | ||
| They're idiots. | ||
| They shit all over eggs. | ||
| A healthy grass-fed chicken or a free-range chicken that's wandering around, Google egg might be the perfect food. | ||
| There's an article about eggs that might be the perfect food because... | ||
| Eggs have a ton of nutrients in them, and they're also essentially pretty ethical, like ethically free of any reservations. | ||
| Chickens just lay eggs. | ||
| You don't have to hurt them. | ||
| Are eggs really nature's perfect food? | ||
| Rotten eggs, how a perfect food can go bad. | ||
| What is this? | ||
| Is this the same article? | ||
| I don't think it is. | ||
| There's an article. | ||
| It doesn't matter. | ||
| There's an article that I read on how an egg is the perfect food. | ||
| If you can find that, it explains all the nutritional properties of an egg. | ||
| There's just so much shit from so many different sides. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| All I learned to do is just trust myself. | ||
| So the doctor telling me this thing about salt, right? | ||
| Fucking idiot. | ||
| Was kind of like, all right, I could feel something wrong, right? | ||
| Right. | ||
| I could feel something wrong. | ||
| So that I honestly felt. | ||
| So when he said too much salt, and then I know eating out a lot. | ||
| Let me stop you. | ||
| When you said you could feel something wrong, what are you talking about? | ||
| What are you experiencing? | ||
| It's just a feeling like... | ||
| Like, in my veins or in my... | ||
| I could just feel... | ||
| Like, I pay attention to my body a lot, you know? | ||
| Alone? | ||
| You naked? | ||
| What are you doing? | ||
| No, you just... | ||
| After I ate, I could feel something. | ||
| It wasn't... | ||
| And it was just... | ||
| Just like, this is not... | ||
| I'm not supposed to feel this way. | ||
| And this was just from eating food? | ||
| Mostly after I ate. | ||
| I could feel it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What if you would just carve up a fat steak ribeye with that fucking juicy fat dish? | |
| I don't want a steak. | ||
| I want some elk. | ||
| I want some elk, homie. | ||
| Would you eat it, though? | ||
| Yeah, I told you I would. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| All right, we'll cook for you. | ||
| Because it's free range. | ||
| That's truly free range. | ||
| That's as free-range as it gets. | ||
| The new place, when we have the new place set up, I'm going to have one of these Yoder grills. | ||
| Like one of those pellet grills. | ||
| It'll be there. | ||
| I'm going to be able to grill on a spot. | ||
| We will document Ian Edwards' first meat consumption. | ||
| And how many years will it be? | ||
| Over 10 for sure. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Yeah, over 10 for sure. | ||
| Over 10. Dude, you might go crazy. | ||
| You might become a hunter. | ||
| Ian's going to be like shooting shit off the roof of his fucking house. | ||
| It's hilarious. | ||
| Yeah, it's... | ||
| Free-range people. | ||
|
unidentified
|
This might be the egg thing. | |
| Is that it? | ||
| Whole eggs are most... | ||
| That is it. | ||
| Whole eggs are among the most nutritious foods on Earth. | ||
| And so make that a little larger there so you can see. | ||
| One egg contains vitamin B12, 9% of the RDA, vitamin B2, riboflavin, 15% of the RDA, Vitamin A, 6%. | ||
| Vitamin B, 5, 7%. | ||
| Selenium, which is an important mineral, 22% of the RDA. Eggs also contain small amounts of almost every vitamin and mineral required by the human body, including calcium, iron, potassium, zinc, manganese, vitamin E, folate, and many more. | ||
| A large egg contains 77 calories with 6 grams of quality protein, 5 grams of fat, Trace amounts of carbohydrates. | ||
| It's very important to realize that almost all the nutrients are contained in the yolk, while the white contains only protein. | ||
| It's a fantastic food source. | ||
| And here's the thing about eggs, man. | ||
| It doesn't hurt the chickens. | ||
| You're not hurting anything. | ||
| You're not harming anything. | ||
| If you have free-range chickens, you could just... | ||
| I know a lot of people can't, but you know what? | ||
| If people buy actual free-range chickens... | ||
| Or buy free-range chicken eggs. | ||
| You're buying eggs from an animal that's just going to lay eggs every day or every other day. | ||
| They don't get hurt. | ||
| And if you could figure out a way, like the ideal thing would be like communities having like co-ops. | ||
| We grow your own vegetables and you guys have like a chicken coop that everybody kind of helps take care of and these chickens roam around and eat bugs and worms and all the stuff they're supposed to do. | ||
| And then you eat those chicken eggs, and it's like you get animal protein, but you don't have to hurt anything. | ||
| Nothing has to die. | ||
| And if you're getting a free-range, a truly free-range chicken egg, it's super healthy. | ||
| And to say anything otherwise, I have to stop eating. | ||
| And now I can't watch your show. | ||
| I can't watch your movie. | ||
| I can't listen to you talk because you're not being honest. | ||
| No one's saying vegetables aren't healthy. | ||
| Vegetables are super healthy. | ||
| Beets are fantastic for you. | ||
| Kale is amazing for you. | ||
| Carrots, onions, all these different things that come out of the ground. | ||
| Yams, sweet potatoes, all that stuff is fantastic for you. | ||
| Nutrients, it's all important. | ||
| That's real food, but so is eggs. | ||
| Nothing wrong with eating eggs. | ||
| Like, my issue was I was just being a bad vegan. | ||
| Because you can be vegan and still eat a lot of crap. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So, and then, like, years of just eating crap is definitely going to affect you no matter... | ||
| Like, when somebody says they're vegan, like, what are you eating? | ||
| Because you could eat bad shit, too. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| So I just needed to cut back... | ||
| On the bad shit. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, stuff with sugar, like, you know, the vegan ice creams, and just a bunch of shit. | ||
| And so now I feel better. | ||
| It's like, the feeling that you were asking me about before, it's almost like when you have a headache, but your headache is in your body. | ||
| And most of the time, I could correlate it with when I was eating, and what I was eating. | ||
| So then now, just like, alright, you've been eating some crap. | ||
| I think sodium is good, salt is good for you, but if you probably take too much, it is bad. | ||
| Okay, but let me stop you again, because when you're telling me you're getting blood work done, you're getting your blood work done to check to see if you have high blood pressure. | ||
| You're not getting your blood work done where you're checking nutritional levels. | ||
| I think they were checking for everything. | ||
| But did they tell you you need more vitamin B or vitamin D or B12 or anything like that? | ||
| They took niacin. | ||
| They never said anything like that? | ||
| I got to call them. | ||
| I got to call them. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| A real, a doctor that's going to do a real nutritional profile of you is going to concentrate on your nutrient intake. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| He's going to look at like, tell you to eat normal and then come in and do some blood work and then maybe they do it again in like six weeks or something like that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| And they're going to check a bunch of different things. | ||
| They're going to check your hormone levels, active, usable testosterone, a bunch of different things. | ||
| But what's really important is checking your vitamin levels. | ||
| People have this weird idea that you get everything you need from your diet. | ||
| You might. | ||
| You might get everything you need from your diet. | ||
| Depends on your diet. | ||
| It depends on whether or not you've checked. | ||
| Most people haven't checked. | ||
| You don't go to a doctor and check. | ||
| Go get yourself checked out. | ||
| Find out your nutrient levels. | ||
| Find out maybe you need some vitamin D. Maybe you need some B12 or B6. Maybe they can find that your body's low on niacin, or maybe they think that consuming more essential fatty acids would be very good for you. | ||
| But you can go to a really good doctor, a legit doctor, That goes over that stuff and is on the cutting edge of today's modern science and they can greatly enhance your ability to understand what impact your diet is having on your body. | ||
| Because if you think you're eating healthy and then they do like a triglyceride count on you and they do your blood sugar count. | ||
| Like Sam Harris, a friend of mine, just started, he tried to be vegan for a little while. | ||
| And he got his blood work done like on a regular basis because he's Smart guy and wants to check his body out, and he was like, dude, it's not good. | ||
| There's too much sugar, the glucose levels, there's a bunch of different factors. | ||
| I forget what particular it was, but he had to switch to eating wild fish. | ||
| So wild fish and then mostly vegan other than that. | ||
| Cut out the dairy, cut out the factory farming. | ||
| He figured it out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I mean, I just think that there's a lot of bad in modern diets. | ||
| There's a lot of bad in food consumption. | ||
| We don't need to make stuff up. | ||
| We need to find out who's telling the truth. | ||
| And a doctor telling you that you need to cut your salt back, and that's what's giving you high blood pressure. | ||
| That guy's an asshole. | ||
| He's an asshole. | ||
| Whether he realizes he's an asshole or not, he's not paying attention to the latest shit. | ||
| He's some dude who's probably just like going to work... | ||
| He's just a doctor. | ||
| Trust me, I don't trust doctors per se. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because a lot of them, you know... | ||
| They like everything else. | ||
| Yeah, they like everything else. | ||
| It's like trusting a comedian to be funny. | ||
| We all know some of them, they're just never going to happen. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| And they call themselves comedians. | ||
| Or even if they are funny, they're being hacky and the audience doesn't know they got that shit from somewhere else. | ||
| Is that true, too? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's a lot of hacky doctors out there. | ||
| It's just bad doctors, man. | ||
| There's a lot of really good ones, too, though. | ||
| There's good ones, too, yeah. | ||
| There's really good ones. | ||
| Yeah, you just have to find them. | ||
| How old's your doctor? | ||
| Uh, he must have been, like, maybe around 50. Fuck him. | ||
| I hope he's on a treadmill right now and he hears this. | ||
| He just starts Googling. | ||
| Hypertension. | ||
| I don't know if he looked like he took a treadmill. | ||
| He doesn't Google? | ||
| No, I don't think he looked like he does treadmills. | ||
| No? | ||
| What is this? | ||
| If you have high blood pressure, salt still matters. | ||
| New research examines the sodium hypertension mystery. | ||
| What is it saying? | ||
| So if you have high blood pressure, salt matters? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Receptor, the AT1R. Okay, what does it say? | |
| ATR molecules in your cells and kidneys continuously. | ||
| Where is this coming from, first of all? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Cleveland Clinic. | |
| And is this an actual study? | ||
| First of all, I don't like that doctor's face. | ||
| Recently discovered a possible explanation. | ||
| Teams study the hormone angiotensin. | ||
| Angiotensin helps regulate your blood pressure when it binds to a receptor called At-1R and turns it on. | ||
| The AT-1R molecules in the cells of your kidneys continuously regulate the levels of sodium in the blood. | ||
| This relationship can be overactive in some people, which leads to high blood pressure. | ||
| There's hope in the forms of a drug called AT1R blockers. | ||
| True to their name, these drugs block angiotensin from binding with AT1R, thereby keeping blood pressure lower. | ||
| To make these drugs even more effective, researchers want to understand the molecular structure of AT1R. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Yeah, it's just... | ||
|
unidentified
|
So this is still important. | |
| It's not a... | ||
| It's not the number one thing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah. | |
| So it's not giving it to you, but if you have it, it may be a factor. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Correct. | |
| So if you... | ||
| I wonder what their levels are they're talking about, though. | ||
| So when you're talking about the levels they did in that test when they were giving it to rats, and you're giving them 500 grams for a fucking rat. | ||
| Yeah, you could definitely die from eating that much salt. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think that we just need more transparency and honesty when it comes to what people actually know versus what they're claiming to know. | ||
| When you're talking to a doctor, it's giving you shit advice. | ||
| I've talked to a ton of doctors and say, like, you can get everything you want from the average American diet. | ||
| There's no need to take vitamins. | ||
| You pee them out. | ||
| That's straight up bullshit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I take B, I take K, take B12. If you take B12, you know you're probably not really vegan. | |
| Fuck it. | ||
| I'm trying to be healthy. | ||
| I get it, man. | ||
| So I don't care where it comes from just as long as it's a good sauce and I feel good. | ||
| Baby eyelids. | ||
| Hey, man. | ||
| Babies should have defended themselves better. | ||
| Those babies are here for a purpose. | ||
| Do you have a main staple that you say if you're at home and you're cooking? | ||
| Is there a main thing you eat a lot of? | ||
| Like wild rice. | ||
| Wild rice. | ||
| Or quinoa pasta. | ||
| Quinoa's great. | ||
| And quinoa. | ||
| Quinoa's one of those rare plants that has a full amino acid profile, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's like quinoa and hemp and a few other ones. | ||
| Yeah, there's a few of those protein-rich plants. | ||
| Like some plants that have a good amount of protein in them. | ||
| I put hemp seeds in my smoothies. | ||
| That's good. | ||
| And chia seeds. | ||
| Chia seeds are great too. | ||
| That also cleans your pipes out, if you know what I'm saying. | ||
| I put kale in them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Do you use coconut oil at all? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Cook with it or use it for other shit. | ||
| It's good to add, like if you make smoothies and shit like that, it's good to add because the fats... | ||
| You should put some in there, yeah. | ||
| ...helps the absorption of the vitamins. | ||
| Alright. | ||
| I had to learn that one the hard way. | ||
| It's just adding MCT oil to... | ||
| It just makes it more nutritious, but you got to be careful because you will shit yourself. | ||
| You have to be careful. | ||
| You can't go too hard with the MCT oil. | ||
| You can get like a few tablespoons in, a big glass of, but anything more than that, there's just something about it. | ||
| Your body's like, just release the hounds! | ||
| It's like lubing you. | ||
| Your intestines. | ||
| A little bit. | ||
| But I think it feels like more than that. | ||
| It's not just like lube. | ||
| It's almost like your body's like, what are you eating? | ||
| Like, too much. | ||
| I'm not comfortable with this. | ||
| Let's go! | ||
| Everybody out! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| There's nothing like diarrhea to change your mind on things. | ||
| Like if you had all the money in the world but constant diarrhea. | ||
| Diarrhea forever. | ||
| You could live like P. Diddy, like two bottles of champagne, one in each hand, on a yacht, but at any moment you could shit yourself. | ||
| That's not living. | ||
| It's not living. | ||
| It's not living. | ||
| It's not. | ||
| Nobody can accept that. | ||
| Yeah, if you're on that yacht... | ||
| Because you pay some friends, and it's hilarious. | ||
| And you're like, listen, I'm rich, we can hang out, but occasionally, I might shit myself. | ||
| And no snickering. | ||
| Yeah, you can't laugh at me, man. | ||
| You see it running down his Miami Vice shoes. | ||
| He's got those shoes with no socks on, those white loafers. | ||
| Dude's wearing, you see shit dribbling down. | ||
| Oh, you have to wear those diapers. | ||
| Yeah, you'd have to wear the diaper, but then everybody smells it. | ||
| The diaper doesn't keep the smell out. | ||
| I would keep a baby around me. | ||
| Oh, that's a good one. | ||
| Or a dog. | ||
| Keep an old dog that sheds himself. | ||
| I'm like, come on, baby. | ||
| Fluffy! | ||
| I gotta go change this baby. | ||
| Yeah, if you have, like, constant diarrhea, that feeling... | ||
| The only thing that makes diarrhea okay is that you know it's eventually going to go away. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Because if you just had to live forever knowing at any moment you could just shit yourself... | ||
| There's a lot of people that that's their reality, right? | ||
| People with, like, Crohn's disease and shit like that. | ||
| They're like constantly shitting themselves. | ||
| That's where like butt wipes are very important. | ||
| You can't be using like some cheap-ass Costco toilet paper. | ||
| What's the thing where you just fall asleep automatically? | ||
| Narcolepsy. | ||
| That's like narcolepsy of the ass. | ||
| What if you had both? | ||
| You just fall down all the time whenever you had to shit. | ||
| Fall asleep, just shit yourself. | ||
| And that would be what would happen. | ||
| You would have these ideas in your head. | ||
| Rich as shit. | ||
| Man, I just think I probably should get to the bed. | ||
| Fall asleep, wake up, covered in shit. | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| It's like your body's trying to protect you from the fact that it knows you're going to shit yourself and it knows you can't handle it. | ||
| It's like some drunks become blackout drunks. | ||
| They get drunk so hard so often their body's like, look, we can't handle this and still be conscious. | ||
| If you're going to continue to do this, we're just going to start blacking you out. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| So when you wake up, everybody's gone, and you could just get up and crawl home. | ||
| Yeah, you're just covered in shit. | ||
| Without being embarrassed. | ||
| Like you're in the middle of your kitchen. | ||
| I don't know if I'm gonna make it to the back. | ||
| You fall down. | ||
| Greg invited us over for dinner, but he shits himself a lot. | ||
| Do you want to go to Greg's house to eat? | ||
| Greg shows up. | ||
| You can hear his diaper crinkling. | ||
| He sits down. | ||
| If you're a narcoleptic, what's to stop you from banging your fucking head off the ground and dying? | ||
| That's a problem. | ||
| That's the scary part, right? | ||
| You ever seen someone faint? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| I've known people that have epileptic seizures. | ||
| You don't know when those are going to happen. | ||
| And you have to stop them from hurting themselves. | ||
| I've seen that on a plane. | ||
| Some lady behind us just locked up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
She was just locked up. | |
| Her body just was like... | ||
| It wasn't working. | ||
| And she was trying to fight it off and then they tried to calm her down. | ||
| I think they tried to get her to stop from swallowing her tongue. | ||
| I don't know how they did that. | ||
| You have to do that move. | ||
| There was a bunch of people that surrounded her. | ||
| She was a couple rows behind me. | ||
| Bunch of people jumped on the situation. | ||
| They were stopping from biting their tongue or swallowing it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But it was like she locked up. | |
| You could see when you turned around. | ||
| There was a commotion and turned around. | ||
| It was almost like she was wrestling with something. | ||
| Which is probably what they used to think, right? | ||
| Back in the day when someone, they thought you were possessed by the devil. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right? | |
| Like if you believe in the devil, you saw someone have a seizure. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Satan has upon her. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I wonder if they even bothered fixing people back then. | ||
| They might have just killed them. | ||
| Killed them or throw them in a dungeon. | ||
| Right? | ||
| If you're having a fucking lock-up seizure during the Inquisition, they'll be sure there's the devil. | ||
| Yeah, the devil's taking over you. | ||
| Dude. | ||
| That's the line that people don't like to cross. | ||
| The believing in the devil line. | ||
| Right. | ||
| What do you mean believing in it? | ||
| Talking about it. | ||
| You can talk about God all day. | ||
| As soon as you talk about the devil, you're like, oh boy. | ||
| He crossed the line. | ||
| People are afraid of that. | ||
| But people talk about God. | ||
| People talk about God. | ||
| But you usually can't have one without the other. | ||
| The devil is in the Bible. | ||
| So... | ||
| Yeah, but it shows the slow cultural evolution that we were talking about. | ||
| We've realized how ridiculous it is to think that some dude in a fiery pit with a pitchfork, unless you're one of the people that listens to this and still believes in that. | ||
| That's fine. | ||
| I'm not telling you right. | ||
| You might be right. | ||
| But... | ||
| For most people, that's pretty ridiculous, right? | ||
| The devil? | ||
| Yeah, he's gonna torch you in the fires of hell forever. | ||
| There's a lot of religious people that believe that shit. | ||
| Yeah, but it's a package deal. | ||
| See, that's what I'm saying. | ||
| Yeah, it's a package deal. | ||
| It's a weird thing that will allow people to not follow the package. | ||
| Like, you know, you don't have to buy the wax. | ||
| You could just get the armor all in the tires and you don't have to get the wax part. | ||
| But this is where the devil comes in. | ||
| The devil comes in Right. | ||
| into being it's like scare straight if I'm gonna scare you into being good I gotta take you to prison so you can see what prison is like right if I'm gonna part of being a Christian is not just being good it's It's like you don't want to go to hell. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So I got to give you these stories of people in hell and paint this picture so that you make this choice that I want you to make. | ||
| So the devil is a very important thing in making people Christians. | ||
| Used to be, but now things are getting more and more slippery, because it's more and more ridiculous, because more and more people are making fun of Christianity, so now it's like you don't bring up the devil. | ||
| So if the president could go on television and say, God bless America, we are a nation governed by God, and everybody goes, yeah! | ||
| But if he says, we have located the devil, he's in Afghanistan, and we're sending troops to that area, people are like, what? | ||
| What the fuck are you talking about, man? | ||
| You can't say the devil's a real thing. | ||
| I know, I know. | ||
| It's like, uh... | ||
| The problem is the devil. | ||
| If Trump got on TV and started saying, when I said, grabbed him by the pussy, that was not me. | ||
| That was the devil speaking through me, and now I understand. | ||
| And everybody would clap. | ||
| The devil is in our heart and in our soul, and we need to stop him from ruining life on earth before Jesus returns and offers us eternal salvation! | ||
| Right? | ||
| You could almost imagine someone saying something like that, but not quite. | ||
| They would, like, I always think, like, you ever seen those court cases where somebody said they heard voices? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| And then they killed somebody. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Schizophrenia. | ||
| Schizophrenia. | ||
| So that person's on trial. | ||
| That person's on trial, and then everybody's looking at that person like they're crazy. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Right. | ||
| But before that, the people who testify against that guy testify, they have to put their hand on the Bible and swear to a God that they can't see. | ||
| To give testimony that this person is crazy. | ||
| What is the difference? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He said he heard voices. | ||
| You're swearing to something you can't see. | ||
| So help me God. | ||
| So help me God. | ||
| So what's the difference? | ||
| Yeah, you're swearing to an imaginary make-believe person. | ||
| Right. | ||
| That may or may not have created the entire universe in six days. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I mean, it might not be make-believe. | |
| But this guy's crazy. | ||
| But this guy's crazy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| This guy's hearing voices telling him to kill some asshole. | ||
| How far off from this guy are you? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Have you talked to God? | ||
| I have a personal relationship with God. | ||
| I talk to God every night. | ||
| That was the thing about Bush that used to drive me crazy when he used to say he talked to God. | ||
| I'm like, listen, motherfucker, you might be talking at him. | ||
| Unless God's talking back, you're not really having a conversation. | ||
| Because people could be telling me, I talk to Joe Rogan every night. | ||
| Because you listen to the podcast. | ||
| You go, shut the fuck up. | ||
| God damn it, you're going to tell that story again? | ||
| You're not really talking to me, man. | ||
| You're talking at me. | ||
| I'm not there. | ||
| The last thing George did was talk to God every night. | ||
| That's the last thing he did. | ||
| Every evening, I talk to God. | ||
| He gives me my plans. | ||
| No. | ||
| I talk to Ian Edwards every evening. | ||
| I listen to his podcast about soccer. | ||
| Excuse me, I mean football. | ||
| And I fucking start screaming at him. | ||
| It's hilarious. | ||
| Yeah, you don't hear too many people saying they actually heard from God, because that's where it gets slippery. | ||
| You could talk to God all day long. | ||
| Because you'll sound crazy. | ||
| Yeah, you'll sound like a nut. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, I got a bit that I've been doing lately about how no one likes new miracles. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, you know that bit. | ||
| I don't even know if I heard that bit, but you're right. | ||
| We like old miracles. | ||
| We only believe the ones that happen in the Bible. | ||
| If somebody says... | ||
| This miracle happened to them. | ||
| They're crazy, but don't you believe in God? | ||
| Well, we get to Joseph Smith. | ||
| Joseph Smith, that's the bounds of incredulity, because that's the 1800s. | ||
| I think it was 1820. Was it 1820? | ||
| He found golden tablets that contained the last work of Jesus, and only he could read them because he had a magic seer stone that he would look through. | ||
| The angels came and took it away. | ||
| All of it was like crazy miracle stuff. | ||
| But it's like, oh, just long enough. | ||
| Just long enough ago. | ||
| People go, well, maybe it was still going on back then. | ||
| Right, yeah, yeah. | ||
| 1820, maybe. | ||
| But not in 2017. No, you can't come with that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| You can't come with that. | ||
| No. | ||
| Unless you got some super proof. | ||
| But now people are not going to believe that super proof anymore because of all this 3D rendering software and Adobe Photoshop. | ||
| Have you seen that thing? | ||
| We were talking about it yesterday. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| They're able to you could talk for 20 minutes and they'll take your voice and essentially over 20 minutes They find everything you've ever said all the noises that you can make in 20 minutes or 40 minutes 40 minutes actually they could do it in 20, but they prefer 40 so They can make you say words. | ||
| You've never said before like you could say Hey, Joe and Jamie, let's do a podcast and And they could say, hey, Joe and Jamie and Mike and Steve and Debbie, let's do a podcast. | ||
| And you'd be like, what the fuck? | ||
| I never said Mike and Steve and Debbie. | ||
| They can make your voice say those things with new computer software. | ||
| And they can't... | ||
| So what evidence is evidence now in court? | ||
| That's the point. | ||
| The point is it's getting so close to being impossible to tell if something's fake. | ||
| Like right now they can still kind of tell, like still a little clunky, but it's a few years away from being indiscernible. | ||
| You're not going to be able to tell. | ||
| They can manufacture anything. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| It's going to be really interesting because they're also going to be able to have people, like, you won't have to bring John Wayne back to life to have a John Wayne movie. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You could have a fake John Wayne. | ||
| You have hours and hours of John Wayne talking. | ||
| You take that, you throw it into a computer, and you could write a script. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| Like, you could write a script where John Wayne is in some new high-tech western movie. | ||
| Didn't they just do that in the last Star Wars, the Rogue One? | ||
| Didn't they do some shit like that? | ||
| Yeah, they added Princess Leia in it. | ||
| After she was dead? | ||
|
unidentified
|
They made her younger than she already was. | |
| Oh, wow. | ||
| Same with one of the guys, the Admiral. | ||
| Was it good? | ||
| Spoiler alert, by the way. | ||
| You son of a bitch. | ||
| I haven't even seen that movie. | ||
| They had since Christmas. | ||
| Have you guys been paying attention to all the shit stirring that William Shackner has been doing online? | ||
| William Shackner is at war with social justice warriors on Twitter. | ||
| William Shackner is like shit posting online and getting these people mad at him and they're mad and they're saying that your whole show, Star Trek, was about social justice and here you are mocking social justice warriors. | ||
| There was an article in HuffPost You know, which is like the super liberal rag. | ||
| Like, should William Shackner's like abhorrent behavior or something like that erase his Star Trek legacy? | ||
| Like, literally, his bad behavior online. | ||
| Find that article because it's so ridiculous. | ||
| But he's essentially just fucking with people. | ||
| Calling them snowflakes and shit and people going nuts. | ||
| But... | ||
| How bad is he... | ||
| What's he saying? | ||
| Nothing that bad. | ||
| Nothing that bad? | ||
| They just want him to toe the line. | ||
| And they also want him to be, like, humble and grateful for being on Star Trek. | ||
| But he's like, hey, folks, it was just a TV show. | ||
| Lighten the fuck up. | ||
| And they're like, it's just a TV show with social justice as its primary values. | ||
| And here you are. | ||
| We expect you to become... | ||
| It was a TV show. | ||
| With that TV show. | ||
| He's an actor. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's Canadian, too, by the way. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Fucking foreigners. | ||
| Now he's wrong. | ||
| Yeah, that's what I'm saying. | ||
| But I don't know what they're arguing about. | ||
| I can't scroll back far enough to find out what they're arguing about. | ||
| People just want to argue. | ||
| Oh yeah, for sure. | ||
| They think he's awful. | ||
| Remember when you didn't know that William Shackner was so awful? | ||
| Like, I saw people tweet that. | ||
| Like, all these weird social justice warriors, women. | ||
| Like, relax. | ||
| Why waste your time? | ||
| Don't you got shit to do? | ||
| People? | ||
| 80-year-old man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You think he's got all his marbles there? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's 80. Yeah. | ||
| Isn't he? | ||
| Isn't William Shackner, like, 80? | ||
| Should be about. | ||
| It says, I'll let you, this is what, according to this article, this is what the fight was about. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It came from some show called Outlander. | |
| Okay. | ||
| Outlander fans, the actor calling them snowflakes and social justice warriors, is intricate and fascinating in a way that only fandom beef involving an internationally famous cultural icon can be. | ||
| But to get the full picture, we have Take a Trip Back in Time. | ||
| Shackner, who acquitted with this guy, Hugen, H-E-U. This is the part right here. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| I believe the two stars of the show, Sam Hugin and Catriona Balfe, should date in real life. | ||
| Huh. | ||
| There's a group of fans, people that love the show, Shippers, they call themselves. | ||
| Fans of a show who want to see the two characters in a relationship. | ||
| They believe the two stars of the show, Sam and Catriona, should date in real life in a particularly hardline group of fandom Bolsheviks that believe that they already are dating in secret. | ||
| And Shachner, who's acquainted with one of the guys, waded into the fray, labeling those shippers, those people, as bullies and calling them out on Twitter. | ||
| It was a move that many fans also saw as its own kind of bullying, with Shachner trying to kick a group out of fandom for a more nuanced walkthrough. | ||
| there's an explanation, blah, blah, blah. | ||
| Fast forward. | ||
| Okay, he got in a fucking goofy war with trolls. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I hear some of the tweets and stuff. | |
| Yeah, just don't engage. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, it's just weird. | ||
| So he's... | ||
| What is it? | ||
| Hold on. | ||
| Back up. | ||
| Funny how an actress with an impressive resume is belittled by same feminists who say that an 86-year-old man telling the truth is a misogynist. | ||
| Is he 86? | ||
| I could believe that. | ||
| Is William Shackner 86? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Google it. | ||
| Take a guess. | ||
| How old do you think he is? | ||
| I bet that's right. | ||
| I'd say he's in his 80s. | ||
| That's great. | ||
| It's gotta be. | ||
| When you're that close to death, do you really give a fuck enough to argue with people on Twitter about who's dating who? | ||
| That seems weird. | ||
| He's 86? | ||
| Wow. | ||
| He's pretty good for 86. Yeah, he does. | ||
| But, like, what is that? | ||
| Like, why are they going back and forth? | ||
| Like, that seems like such a waste of time. | ||
| You're 86. How much time do you have? | ||
| When you're 86, if you're super lucky, you got 10 years. | ||
| Sometimes old people like to argue. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It gives them strength and energy. | ||
| It's like vitamins. | ||
| Mmm. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, it just gives them fucking something. | ||
| A fight, you know, that stirs them up. | ||
| A game. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like a fucking sport. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That or Sudoku. | |
| I mean... | ||
| Yeah, they get tired. | ||
| They just need that adrenaline rush. | ||
| Need anger. | ||
| Fueled. | ||
| Fueled by anger. | ||
| Anger is energy. | ||
| It's an adrenaline rush. | ||
| You don't dive into the fray with dorks, though. | ||
| That's where that whole Gamergate went crazy. | ||
| There was a bunch of women that wanted to... | ||
| There was a bunch of stuff going on with video games, but they were concerned with sexism in video games, and they were trying to censor video games, and they were bullying people that believed one way and bullying people that believed another way, and then it became a dispute, a nerdfight. | ||
| As soon as you get involved in any sort of nerdfight, no matter what side you're on, it's going to be some chaos. | ||
| There's a lot of angry people. | ||
| I just don't... | ||
| I can't even waste time doing that shit. | ||
| Do you fuck with video games? | ||
| I used to, but I put that shit away like 10 years ago. | ||
| What happened? | ||
| When you quit me? | ||
| I quit video games too? | ||
| It was just taking up a lot of my time. | ||
| All this fun stuff. | ||
| Fuck video games. | ||
| Fuck me. | ||
| Fuck blowjobs too. | ||
| It was taking up a lot of my time. | ||
| But then porn became accessible and then took that video game time away. | ||
| Damn, really? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| How much video games and jerking off are you doing? | ||
| That seems like... | ||
| Can't do it both, man. | ||
| How could you have... | ||
| Gotta choose one. | ||
| How could you swap them, though? | ||
| I feel like your dick would fall off. | ||
| I just think it's just time-wasting. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Time-wasting and your hands are involved. | ||
| Eyes and hand coordination. | ||
| Have you ever fucked with virtual reality? | ||
| Have you ever tried out any of those... | ||
| Those porn? | ||
| No. | ||
| Just porn? | ||
| I mean just like trying those headsets. | ||
| Like Oculus Rift or any of that stuff. | ||
| HTC Vive. | ||
| You tried those? | ||
| Like I don't remember the games. | ||
| I've been to places where they have the samples and you could put it on and then try it out. | ||
| A long time ago? | ||
| No, that's recently. | ||
| I tried a game at South by Southwest. | ||
| I was trying to, like, the helicopter was over there, and I had the thing on, and I was, like, flying it and trying to move it, but I don't know what the name of the game was. | ||
| What did you do at South by Southwest? | ||
| I did a show there, and then I went to the, you know, the main convention center. | ||
| Let me ask you this. | ||
| Did they pay you to perform at South by Southwest? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| They did. | ||
| They have to pay now. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Dude. | ||
| They were not paying. | ||
| Oh, they weren't? | ||
| For the longest time. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| You would just go and it would be like you'd perform there. | ||
| It was a privilege. | ||
| I went there. | ||
| I went there twice. | ||
| I went there last year. | ||
| I was taping a show for Showtime. | ||
| Okay, Showtime paid you. | ||
| Showtime paid, and then I went this year, and it was just a show at a club, and they paid for that. | ||
| They flew me out, put me up, and paid for that. | ||
| I got an offer once, and what they offered me is if I came down there and did their thing, I would get a free pass. | ||
| That would allow me to go to all the shows. | ||
| It was worth like $1,500. | ||
| I was like, are you out of your fucking mind? | ||
| I could see them doing that. | ||
| But they don't pay for your hotel. | ||
| They didn't pay for your flight. | ||
| They just offered... | ||
| I was like, maybe this is just like one faction of this organization that thinks it's a good idea to offer that to people. | ||
| You know who's doing that? | ||
| Bumper Shoot. | ||
| What's Bumper Shoot? | ||
| It's a music festival. | ||
| Like, I've done Bonnaroo. | ||
| They pay you, they fly you out, and they put you up. | ||
| Bumper Shoot, it's in Seattle. | ||
| It's at the end of August going into, so August 31st going into September 3rd. | ||
| And basically what they're paying me covers my hotel room. | ||
| I have to pay to pretty much fly there. | ||
| But I go to this music festival. | ||
| That's ridiculous. | ||
| It is ridiculous. | ||
| Are you going to do it? | ||
| I'm just doing it for the fun of going to the music festival. | ||
| Why would you do that? | ||
| You're going to be in Seattle this Friday night with me! | ||
| Hey, alright. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| You'll have to go back for that bullshit. | ||
| Friday night, Paramount Theater, two shows. | ||
| No doubt. | ||
| Some tickets available for the second show. | ||
| JoeRogan.net. | ||
| Yeah, Seattle's the shit, though. | ||
| It's a fun place to perform, but I'm not going there for free. | ||
| That's stupid. | ||
| Because you know someone's making money. | ||
| They wouldn't ask you to go if it wasn't profitable. | ||
| Yeah, somebody's making money. | ||
| That's just gross. | ||
| That's what they were doing with South by Southwest. | ||
| Duncan did a A video explaining it when they offered it to him. | ||
| Hilarious. | ||
| He did a video with, you know that Hitler video where Hitler's like yelling out a bunch of shit in German in the subtitles. | ||
| And Duncan's subtitles were all about like South by Southwest. | ||
| Hilarious. | ||
| How to get people to work for free. | ||
| It's just, it's a fucking airlines. | ||
| It's run by a giant corporation. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, you can't pretend that's like some hippie sort of, you know. | ||
| No, they're making cabillions. | ||
| I mean, they must be. | ||
| It's giant, right? | ||
| And Bumper Shoes are making money. | ||
| So what are they doing? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| They're cunts. | ||
| They're not giving it to the comics. | ||
| Motherfuckers. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, we need to come up with our own festival. | ||
| I've been thinking about this. | ||
| Oh, yeah? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Come up with something to do out here. | ||
| That would kill. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, that would definitely kill. | ||
| Just, like, run it through the Ice House. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Two shows every night. | ||
| Both rooms. | ||
| Little room and the big room. | ||
| Do it for, like, a week. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know? | ||
| That would definitely kill. | ||
| Something crazy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right? | |
| Yeah, but do it intimate. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Small, small venue. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| Think about it. | ||
| I wouldn't want to organize that, though. | ||
| And I wouldn't want to, like, say no to someone who sucks. | ||
| You know? | ||
| They're like, hey, so here's the schedule. | ||
| And I'm like, why is that guy on? | ||
| Yeah, that's the problem. | ||
| Yeah, that's the problem. | ||
| Like, I was talking to Al Madrigal about that. | ||
| He was talking about putting together that comedy network. | ||
| There's a couple people on this comedy network where he's like, hmm. | ||
| The fuck? | ||
| You know, you gotta be careful. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Gotta be careful putting together a network of people. | ||
| Yeah, because some people are either unaware or just belligerently don't care. | ||
| They just want to get on. | ||
| Yeah, and they'll try to force their way in. | ||
| They'll try to force their way in, yeah. | ||
| That's an issue with podcasts. | ||
| People try to force their way on your podcast. | ||
| They corner you. | ||
| I get that shit all the time. | ||
| People that just... | ||
| There's no way I would have them on. | ||
| They corner me and want to get on the podcast. | ||
| I'm like, is this what you think works? | ||
| If I wanted you to be on, I'd ask you. | ||
| They have nothing to lose. | ||
| Do you watch your act? | ||
| I want you to watch your act with me. | ||
| Let's go over it together. | ||
| Sit down there with a yellow legal pad and go, okay, what the fuck is that? | ||
| It's hilarious. | ||
| It's just the personality conflict is a real problem. | ||
| It's not even the material as much as who they are. | ||
| Some people are just not that aware. | ||
| They don't make good conversationalists. | ||
| You don't want to be around them. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Especially some people, based on their material, you're not a good conversationalist. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| If you're talking about that... | ||
| Yeah, it's just, I don't know. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| People want to promote themselves. | ||
| They want things to go ahead. | ||
| But sometimes, it's like, how much should you be promoting yourself? | ||
| How much you should be working on improving yourself? | ||
| And there was always those people that were really good promoters, but they didn't have a really good product. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But they have enough of a good product that the promotions sort of carry their product and the enthusiasm behind it got people into it. | ||
| I call that the hustle gene. | ||
| I wish I had more of the hustle gene. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| But then I wonder how much of my creativity would I have to sacrifice for the hustle gene? | ||
| And there's a conundrum. | ||
| It seems like the people who really hustle... | ||
| Aren't as good as the most creative people. | ||
| Right. | ||
| That's what it feels like. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's what it really feels like. | ||
| It does feel like that. | ||
| So that's the scary thing. | ||
| Especially the promotional gene. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The promotional gene's a weird one. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know, those dudes that like early on open mic nights, they were starting their own open mic and putting up flyers and shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah. | |
| And you're like, what? | ||
| How are you so confident? | ||
| You know? | ||
| I'm not inviting anybody to open mic. | ||
| Get out of here. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ugh. | |
| Not at all. | ||
| When was the last time you showed up at an open mic and did a set? | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| I went back to... | ||
| I didn't do a set. | ||
| We went to Madison, Wisconsin to do the weekend at Comedy on State. | ||
| And then there's this pizza shop that has an open mic. | ||
| So after the show on, I think Thursday night, we went to the pizza shop and we put our names on a list, but then they ended the show before. | ||
| So I was like, I wanted to do it. | ||
| Was it too many people that signed up? | ||
| Is that what it is? | ||
| Is that what you're saying? | ||
| It was like, we got there, because we just did a show, we got there towards the end. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, I see. | |
| And then, you know what? | ||
| The few audience members were leaving. | ||
| That's the thing about open mics. | ||
| Like, some comics are new, and they're not that good. | ||
| So how much is an audience going to sit through? | ||
| You know, they might have sat through. | ||
| Five bad comics is a lot to sit through, and you might have sat through more. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| So then, they don't know who's coming up next. | ||
| Well, that's what's weird about the store these days. | ||
| Even the open mic night is packed. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Have you noticed? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| It's crazy. | ||
| Go to open mic night, there's a hundred people in the audience. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| And you're like, whoa. | ||
| But they're putting some of the store comics on those shows, too. | ||
| Yeah, smart. | ||
| They're smart. | ||
| It is smart. | ||
| But there's something about a real regular open mic night. | ||
| It's just... | ||
| This is the first sparks from a piece of metal and a rock when you start a fire. | ||
| Oh, yeah, yeah. | ||
| You know that thing where people are trying to make fire? | ||
| Caveman comedy. | ||
| Yeah, it's like the first sparks. | ||
| And you see it, and you're like, ooh. | ||
| It makes me nervous. | ||
| Yeah, it is kind of nerve-wracking. | ||
| I used to do them a lot when I first moved out here. | ||
| Just to get stage time because I kind of refused to, like, audition to get in the comedy store at first. | ||
| I was like, I've already done TV spots, why gotta audition to get in the store? | ||
| Until I really got it and said, you know what, you need to get into the store and to the lab factory. | ||
| And then I was writing a lot, so I was like, eh. | ||
| But then when I realized it, the night I got into the store was like one of the best nights in show business for me. | ||
| Oh, yeah, right? | ||
| It's like validation. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You're a paid regular. | ||
| Yeah, and I was like, I can work out in 15-minute chunks, write material. | ||
| I call my manager. | ||
| I said, I just got into the store. | ||
| He's like, I've never heard you excited about anything. | ||
| What's the big deal? | ||
| I was like, don't you understand? | ||
| I could work out. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's the store. | ||
| He didn't get it. | ||
| You're in Mecca. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
| You know, when you pull into that parking lot and you get out and you go say hi to everybody, you wander through those hallways, you see ORs killing, you go into the main room, it's packed, someone's crushing, you go upstairs to the belly room, boom, someone's upstairs smashing. | ||
| It's like, you just stepped into the comedy Mecca. | ||
| Right. | ||
| To be a part of that? | ||
| To be allowed to be a part of that? | ||
| And it's funny. | ||
| There's so many up-and-coming young comics that want to get in there and look up to it. | ||
| Now. | ||
| It's just bananas. | ||
| It's interesting seeing it again, right? | ||
| We were talking about the other day what it used to be like and what it's like now. | ||
| This is the golden age. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I got in there when it used to be like and I was still excited because I just knew I'd be able to develop there. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So that was useful. | ||
| Because before I kind of wasn't taking comedy serious. | ||
| And then, like, I kind of just got tired of it and kind of fell out of love with it. | ||
| Well, you're doing a lot of writing, too. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think when you do so much staff writing, you know, when you're showing up at that job every day and writing, it's like sometimes it takes away your motivation. | ||
| Motivation. | ||
| For sure, it did. | ||
| It did. | ||
| And then I, like... | ||
| For some reason, I said, it's time to get back, get into these clubs. | ||
| The Laugh Factory and the store, and my desire started increasing for stand-up. | ||
| You gotta put on a special, son. | ||
| Yeah, I know. | ||
| When are you gonna do one? | ||
| I gotta just shoot it myself, like you've been telling me. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, so hopefully by the end of the year, A few months to do it. | ||
| Definitely. | ||
| It needs to happen. | ||
| People need to see your set. | ||
| And then you need to throw it out and write new shit too. | ||
| It's like you're too good. | ||
| I'm sitting on stuff because I haven't used it. | ||
| But the only way to write new shit, like I have new shit, but I would have more new shit if I had a special and got rid of the older shit. | ||
| Well, you know what I want to do, man? | ||
| After I do my next Netflix special, I want to do like a Rodney Dangerfield type thing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Where I bring up a bunch of what I think are the best up in Common Comics and have like a special. | ||
| Like, Rodney Dangerfield used to have those specials. | ||
| Yeah, on HBO. Yeah, I want to do something like that. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Well, I'll just host it. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Just bring people up. | ||
| That's my next move. | ||
| The Ice House or something would be cool. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| Yeah, doing it at the Ice House. | ||
| Because Roddy Dangerfield used to do that at Dangerfields in New York City. | ||
| Yeah, at his own club. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| You ever worked that place? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's a shithole. | ||
| Yeah, it's not what it used to be. | ||
| It's fun, though. | ||
| It's a great old place. | ||
| They had great cheeseburgers. | ||
| They had the best cheeseburgers in New York City, man. | ||
| When you used to work there, you used to be able to get a cheeseburger. | ||
| I was excited to eat a cheeseburger there. | ||
| They had amazing cheeseburgers. | ||
| They're like... | ||
| Ground filet mignon or something like that. | ||
| Yeah back then stuff was simple like when I used to do a spot at the strip like on a Monday night after you pick the number out of the hat on a Friday and you get one Monday out of the month to perform and then me and the open micers were like let's go to Jackson Hole and eat a burger like at midnight yeah and just like you just felt so accomplished You know, just doing this artist thing or this comedy thing. | ||
| Like you heard about Jackson Hole or just someplace and you're eating there. | ||
| We used to dream about, let's go to Carnegie Deli because all these comics used to sit there and eat and shit like that. | ||
| Just romantic New York comedy shit like that. | ||
| Well, I liked that at a store, too. | ||
| It's Carnies. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| That little, in the Standard, going across the street for Standard late at night after shows. | ||
| Oh, you used to go to Mel's. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| When their food was better. | ||
| Mel's is too sketchy, though. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Their food is sketchy. | ||
| I don't know if I can say that. | ||
| Standard is fantastic. | ||
| Standard is dope. | ||
| Standard has amazing food, and it's open super late. | ||
| You can get, like, real good food at, like, midnight. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| All right, Ian, let's wrap this. | ||
| Motherfucker up. | ||
| All right, fam. | ||
| Sacramento. | ||
| We'll be there. | ||
| Sacramento on Thursday night. | ||
| Ian will be with me Thursday and Friday. | ||
| Sacramento on Thursday for two shows, and then fucking Friday we're going to do Seattle for two shows. | ||
| Then Saturday night I'm doing San Diego with Jerron Horton. | ||
| What are you doing Saturday night? | ||
| So, man, after we land, well, you're going to where? | ||
| San Diego. | ||
| San Diego. | ||
| I got to fly back that morning and then get on a flight in the evening to Australia. | ||
| I'll be there for like 13 days in Sydney doing a comedy store and some other places out there. | ||
| You're doing stand-up in Sydney? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| Yeah, so I'll be there from like the... | ||
| 7th through the 20th. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, let me know. | ||
| I'll tweet that shit. | ||
| I'll let everybody know. | ||
| All right. | ||
| Cool. | ||
| All right, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| We'll be back tomorrow with Ben Shapiro. | ||
| See ya. | ||
| Thanks, fam. |
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