June 1, 2017 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:29:04
Participants
| 
| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
|
unidentified
|
Three Why Cheeto Santino? | |
| Why that? | ||
| I'll tell you, when I first moved to Los Angeles, I was playing this basketball league with these kids from East L.A. It was like the only connection I had in L.A. with these couple of kids that I knew from Long Beach. | ||
| And we would go play ball in this league, and then afterwards, we'd go to a bar and just get shit-faced. | ||
| Like, just blacked out, out of our mind. | ||
| 22, like, every dime we had was going to booze and partying. | ||
| So we were partying, and I'm wearing basketball shorts, like white people do when you play basketball. | ||
| And all my Mexican friends, you know, they wear like whatever they had on the floor that morning. | ||
| It was like jeans and, you know, there was never basketball shoes for them. | ||
| And we're sitting there drinking and this dude, Pavo, his buddy of mine, he looks down at my legs and he goes, Dog, I gotta fucking ask you a question, player. | ||
| Like, did you have fucking orange leg hairs, dog? | ||
| I was like, dude, I've known you for years. | ||
| You've never seen that? | ||
| He's like, no, dog. | ||
| It's so gross, dog. | ||
| It's nasty to look at, bro. | ||
| It's kind of like if you ate a bag of Cheetos and you wiped the finger dust all over your fucking legs and she got Cheeto legs, dog. | ||
| So the Cheeto thing. | ||
| So then all these dudes, all these fucking, all these homies were always like, Cheeto! | ||
| It was just stuck so hard that when I got Twitter and Instagram, I was like, I have to have Cheeto as my shit. | ||
| Like, I have to embrace the Cheeto. | ||
| Embracing the Cheeto. | ||
| Embrace the Cheeto, man. | ||
| Wow. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| This is a good time for orange-haired comedians. | ||
| The two of the greatest of all time have orange hair. | ||
| It's wild because I've always been such a massive fan of Burr. | ||
| I mean, I can't preach him enough. | ||
| I think I do. | ||
| I dick ride him so hard. | ||
| I think many people I talk to are like, all right, dude, enough. | ||
| Like, I get it. | ||
| You like him. | ||
| But I do, man. | ||
| I've always loved him. | ||
| And Louie has changed the game in a totally different way. | ||
| Both two are the best of all time. | ||
| Shocking. | ||
| Burr right now, he's doing something real special. | ||
| And he's also a man's man, an unapologetic man. | ||
| Dude, thank God. | ||
| Oh, there's so few. | ||
| It's such a hard time to be a guy. | ||
| Yeah, you're not allowed to. | ||
| Shame on you. | ||
| If you say that, people are like, It's so hard to be a man with all your male privilege. | ||
| Oh, cisgendered males complaining about how hard it is. | ||
| We're being judged, folks. | ||
| We're being judged harshly. | ||
| I'm a white straight male. | ||
| I'm the literal enemy, public enemy number one right now. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I walk around, you are the enemy. | ||
| You're automatically a rapist and a misogynist and an egomaniacal, money-hungry, driven, bad human being. | ||
| It's so fucked up. | ||
| This is how ridiculous it's gotten. | ||
| There was an article, oh, they're still complaining about being a man. | ||
| There's an article that I just read that was advocating that women should never go to prison. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| It was like, let's stop putting women in prison. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, see if you can find that. | |
| The idea was that women are suppressed, and they already represent such a significantly small portion of the U.S. population. | ||
| So therefore, heinous crimes, then they don't deserve the same punishment as other people that have heinous crimes. | ||
| The number of women hit men would just go through the fucking roof, right? | ||
| Hit people if they couldn't be arrested. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Oh my god. | ||
| So much domestic. | ||
| Well, that's like saying, okay, so if that's what the article's trying to say, then say any other repressed group in society. | ||
| Then minorities can't go to prison anymore. | ||
| That's the same logic. | ||
| They represent a much larger percentage, though. | ||
| So the thing she's saying about women is there's so few women in prison already, and women are, like, a lot of their behavior is due to the fact they've been suppressed by men. | ||
| Okay. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes! | |
| Oh my god. | ||
| Well, it's just the idea of us being on two teams is so crazy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| The penis team and the vagina team. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's that simple? | ||
| Shirts and skins. | ||
| It's that simple. | ||
| Right, that's it. | ||
| Like, all people on your side are good, all people on our side are bad. | ||
| Do you know how fucking crazy that is? | ||
| It's insane. | ||
| Well, that's what I said, like, not to sound like I'm plugging my special, but in my special, I talk about, I was shot in Chicago, where I'm from, and at the time, there was a lot going on in Chicago, as there always is, a lot of cop shootings, and... | ||
| I think there's an immediate uproar of like, fuck cops. | ||
| And I hate that, because I have cops in my family. | ||
| And you can't just blanket statement an entire thing. | ||
| Just like you can't blanket an entire race of people, sex class of people, and say, you're all the same. | ||
| That's the same thing as saying, like, every cop is a bad person. | ||
| Are you out of your fucking mind? | ||
| I couldn't agree. | ||
| There's millions of police officers that are great people. | ||
| You happen to hear stories about bad humans. | ||
| That happens in any industry. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And honestly, if you look at it statistically, like the number of bad cops versus the number of cops, and then you have to break down the number of interactions cops have with people. | ||
| It's stunning all day long. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Have you met people? | |
| They're awful. | ||
| People are fucking awful. | ||
| Can you imagine every day? | ||
| They're awful to you, but imagine how awful they are if you are a professional enemy, and they know that you're just a person, just like them. | ||
| So you're pulling this guy over, this guy's done a crime, you know he's gonna lie to you, and you're the enemy, and you don't even know this fucking guy. | ||
| You don't even know him. | ||
| You don't even have a real beef with him. | ||
| But his whole life is on the line right now in this altercation. | ||
| You never know if he's gonna shoot you. | ||
| You never know. | ||
| There's so many videos online. | ||
| There's one of the most terrifying videos of this cop pulling this guy over. | ||
| And the guy was some Vietnam veteran who's a real fucking killer. | ||
| And he wound up killing the cop. | ||
| And they show him killing the cop on the security camera. | ||
| The guy's trying to give this guy all the room in the world. | ||
| He's like, sir, please get back in your car. | ||
| Sir, please get back in your car. | ||
| Sir, put your hands down, sir. | ||
| Sir, put the gun down, sir! | ||
| And then it gets to the, I mean, he's trying so hard not to be a cunt, and this guy shoots him and kills him. | ||
| And you're telling me that other cops haven't seen that video? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You don't think that they're terrified that they're going to be the next guy that's on some fucking YouTube clip that two comics are talking about on a podcast? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Because it could happen. | ||
| Easy. | ||
| Every time you pull a guy over, your life's on the line. | ||
| And the stress of that is ungodly. | ||
| And we expect them to manage it like robots. | ||
| We expect them to be like no person we've ever met. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Where they just, no problem, no stress. | ||
| You're a fucking accountant. | ||
| What is the worst shit that can happen to you once you're in the office? | ||
| The printer breaks. | ||
| Almost nothing is life-threatening. | ||
| No. | ||
| Microsoft Excel crashed this morning. | ||
| Everyone's going crazy in fucking accounting. | ||
|
unidentified
|
If you're a beat cop, Jesus Christ. | |
| Well, it's the same way with, you know, I know this has been said, but the way we treat veterans and shit, it's like, you know, I grew up with a kid who was a really close friend of mine that killed himself a couple years ago, was a veteran. | ||
| And I think the expectation of the return to normalcy is not only ridiculous and an insane request, but it's just so illogical that that's not approached. | ||
| It's like, dude, these people can't come back from any sort of combat and just be pushed back into the real world. | ||
| Like, well, you're good, right? | ||
| You're good? | ||
| Did you turn off the switch when you landed back in the United States? | ||
| Yeah, man, it was just a little toggle in my head, and then I'm good now. | ||
| I should go get a regular job, I guess. | ||
| Yeah, and just the lack of responsibility that we have for taking care of those people. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| The lack of emphasis on psychological recovery, on giving them coping skills. | ||
| Mental health, man, that's the biggest issue in the United States. | ||
| I say that all the time. | ||
| There's so much lack of help for mental health, dude. | ||
| You see it so constantly in so many different facets. | ||
| Now I think it's coming out more because of the internet, because you see... | ||
| You know violent crimes and and and you see where mental health has kind of led our country now There should be a bigger focus on it. | ||
| I had a psychiatrist in the podcast yesterday Kelly Brogan who? | ||
| She wrote a book called what is it called the mind of your own a mind of your own is never saw that We talked all about these psychiatric drugs, and when they prescribe them, and why they prescribe them, and what are the side effects, and how easily they prescribe them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| And how so many of these same exact symptoms can be cured by exercise and diet, and they don't even advocate that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| And she's talking about how incredible it is. | ||
| Her coming from a background of psychiatry, being an MD, going through the whole training thing, writing a book about it, and you realize, oh my god, they're just doping people up. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Because it's easy fix, man. | ||
| They want short-term solution as fast as you can. | ||
| Working out an exercise sounds like such a, it sounds like a marathon. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And they just, they're like, give me the 40-yard dash. | ||
| Like, what can we do to get them in the 40-yard dash? | ||
| And they're like, here, take this pill, and that changes everything. | ||
| Just the disassociative quality of these pills are so dangerous. | ||
| And we just hand them out. | ||
| Not we, obviously. | ||
| You and I aren't involved. | ||
| But someone's out there handing them. | ||
| Not as far as the audience knows. | ||
| We don't do it. | ||
| Imagine if you're a guy right now working for a pharmaceutical company, and every day you read the news, you see some fucking mass killing, and you go, please don't let it be on our shit. | ||
| Please don't let it be on our shit. | ||
| It's like Pfizer every day. | ||
| It's like rolling the dice online, hoping it wasn't some guy on one of their drugs. | ||
| She was talking about how the numbers of people that commit these mass killings that are on drugs. | ||
| They're on psychoactive, some sort of psychopharmaceutical drugs. | ||
| She's like, it's crazy. | ||
| It's like 100%. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, let me give you something. | ||
| This is how powerful that world is. | ||
| I probably shouldn't say this, but I'm with you, so I don't really give a shit. | ||
| But on the only one thing I wasn't allowed to talk about, or not talk about, but specifically say on my Showtime special was about... | ||
| Accutane. | ||
| I went on Accutane when I was a kid. | ||
| Do you know this drug? | ||
| Is that a sit drug? | ||
| Yeah, it is. | ||
| But it's unbelievably unstable, okay? | ||
| It's caused a lot of suicide. | ||
| People got real fucked up from it. | ||
| So it caused a lot of chemical and mental reaction that they didn't anticipate for youthful, you know, kids under 18 with underdeveloped brains. | ||
| You just have to sign a form to say, I can die from this medication. | ||
| There's a risk of death. | ||
| That was a real thing for pimple medication. | ||
| But on the special Showtime, lawyers called us and said, I can mention the company, but I can't say the joke. | ||
| I said, if you don't know what Accutane was, it was developed in the 80s and the 90s to kill acne and then people. | ||
| And they were like, we can't say that. | ||
| I was like, why can't I say that? | ||
| That's a fact. | ||
| And the guys, you know, lawyers were like, they're a massive sponsor. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| That was the control. | ||
| They were like... | ||
| First of all, I thought Showtime didn't have any sponsors. | ||
| CBS is their mothership. | ||
| It's Viacom, right? | ||
| It's also Spike TV, right? | ||
| Yeah, that was the only thing that they were like, we just can't say that. | ||
| Which I should respectively remove because I was like, I didn't need that piece anyway. | ||
| But I was like, that's so weird that they are that meticulous about this one small thing. | ||
| Because they wanted to cover up the fact that people... | ||
| People used to die from it. | ||
| Kids who are the most insecure point of your life, you got shit all over your face, and you just want to fix it with a pill because you want to feel better about your life. | ||
| You're already so vulnerable and ugly and weird, and they're willing to risk their life for it, but this company won't recognize that that was a thing. | ||
| What what numbers of people died off of it? | ||
| I mean there was at one point I remember when I was in high school There was like three kids it made national news because it was like three kids in a row committed suicide It was a consecutive like three young kids boom boom boom that committed suicide and of course You can't just attribute it to one thing. | ||
| I'm not saying you can point a finger and say that's what it was But there's enough evidence surrounding things like that that made the company put more legal action behind Release forms for when you take the drug. | ||
| Nowadays, I think there's different levels of it you can't give to people under 16 or a certain age because of the strength of the medication. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jesus. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Because all I wanted to do was not be ugly anymore. | ||
| So what did it do to you? | ||
| You know what's funny, man? | ||
| It cleared my skin up and I never had to take it ever again. | ||
| I know people that did it two or three times and... | ||
| It gave me a lot of joy because I felt fine again. | ||
| I had such bad acne. | ||
| I say I had such bad acne when I was a kid that it made me not believe in God. | ||
| I was like, nothing exists. | ||
| I'm alone on this earth and I was I felt like I was the ugliest person to ever walk the planet because you felt so so this thing it fixed me so to speak it made me feel like everything was good again which is so gross but that's how like Shallow we are as kids because you're just like so vulnerable around your peers. | ||
| You're like I just want to be I just want to be normal when you're like 16 years old if you have a horrible acne attack It fucks your head up fucks you up you feel so weak Yeah. | ||
| He's like, you're so at the mercy of this. | ||
| I mean, obviously, oh, poor white cisgendered man worried about zits. | ||
| No, you know what? | ||
| I understand there's worse problems. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| What is this? | ||
| This is a list of the side effects of this stuff. | ||
| Miscarriages. | ||
| Miscarriages, birth defects, increased internal skull pressure, bone mineral density, depression, psychosis, suicide, aggressive or violent behaviors, acute pancreatitis, unknown, in quotes, cardiovascular consequences, deafness, hepatitis, bowel disease, excessive bone growth, night blindness, and sight loss. | ||
| You can just lose your vision... | ||
| Well then, you know, you lose your vision, you can't see your acne anymore, so I guess that's kind of the caveat. | ||
| Look at the list of birth defects. | ||
| Scroll back down again, please. | ||
| Look at this part where it says the list of birth defects. | ||
| No, up a little, up a little. | ||
| Up a little. | ||
| There you go. | ||
| Genetic name infiltration. | ||
| Facial and nerve system deformities, mental retardations. | ||
| Patients must be on birth control when using it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yep. | |
| Because you get miscarriages. | ||
| Are you out of your fucking mind? | ||
| Isn't that crazy? | ||
| Patients must be on birth control if you want to use this medication. | ||
| You can't get pregnant. | ||
| Your baby will come out a mutant. | ||
| A Jersey man won $25 million verdict after he alleged that Roche, the acne drug, gave him inflammatory bowel disorder that required the removal of his colon. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh my God! | |
| They had to rip out his fucking colon. | ||
| Oh my God! | ||
| Jesus Christ! | ||
| You only get $25 million if they take out your colon? | ||
| That's it, dude. | ||
| You lose your butt, you get $25. | ||
| You get one payday from The Rock. | ||
| Like one of his big movies. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Maybe. | |
| And they take your colon. | ||
| He might get more than that. | ||
| He might get more than that for like Baywatch. | ||
| That's what they write in the memo of the check. | ||
| Four colon. | ||
| Four colon. | ||
| Four anus. | ||
| So, um... | ||
| I worked at a hamburger place, a place called Newport Creamery when I was in high school, and I graduated from dishwasher to working at the grill. | ||
| That's a big deal. | ||
| It was a big deal. | ||
| But the problem was, working at the grill, you get fucking crazy zits, dude. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| Because there's just grease in your face all day. | ||
| Like, literally, you get out of there, your face is covered in grease. | ||
| How old were you? | ||
| I guess I was 16 when I started working there. | ||
| 15 or 16, somewhere in there. | ||
| My first job was McDonald's. | ||
| So, of course, I was really aiding in the shit face of my life. | ||
| I was like, let me eat shit food, be around grease all day. | ||
| All day. | ||
| Oh, all day long. | ||
| Those fryolators, like, that shit's in the air, man. | ||
| Oh, it's gross. | ||
| Like you have a thin film of it on your face when you leave. | ||
| It's coated. | ||
| Yeah, and my zits got out of control. | ||
| And I remember there was this girl, this really cute girl that worked there, and she grabbed my face once. | ||
| Like she was just being nice to me. | ||
| She goes, you're so cute. | ||
| She grabbed my face and all I could think of was, oh my god, she just touched my zits. | ||
| I'm so disgusting. | ||
| I think about it to this day. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's crazy. | |
| It's crazy. | ||
| It sticks with you, dude. | ||
| Dude, it was so devastating at the time. | ||
| I just like, I'm like, because I was attracted to her. | ||
| She's very cute, but I always felt like she was out of my league. | ||
| And then all of a sudden, she's touching my face. | ||
| I'm like, God damn it, she's touching my zits. | ||
| I remember we were going to like a family function of some kind. | ||
| And I had obviously just picked at something on my stupid face. | ||
| And my little brat sister was like... | ||
| You're bleeding. | ||
| It's like, out of my face. | ||
| I was like, I'm a mutant! | ||
| You feel like you're like, blanket me and hide me in the back of the car. | ||
| The only thing, what changed it for me was exercise. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| Yeah, once I started, um, I started like really heavily working out, it kind of went away. | ||
| Towards like 17 and 18. By the time I was 18, it stopped. | ||
| But man, before that? | ||
| 15 and 16, it was bad. | ||
| Well, I played sports all through high school. | ||
| So that was an issue because it was always sweating and it was making it exacerbate. | ||
| It made it worse. | ||
| And then in college, all I did was work out and didn't play a lot of active sports. | ||
| So by that time, it was all cleared up and I was fine. | ||
| But in high school, it was just like, I did everything to make it worse. | ||
| Like everything possible. | ||
| Everybody would get a sunburn to kill their zits. | ||
| Remember that? | ||
| You'd kill your zits in the sun. | ||
| I would get cancer and get worse skin. | ||
| In the summertime, I remember that was like, oh boy, it's going to be sunny out. | ||
| This is great. | ||
| I can cook off some of these zits. | ||
| Get a sun off these zits. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| I had a buddy of mine growing up. | ||
| I mean, I cannot complain, because my buddy had it real bad. | ||
| He was one of those guys that was like, his everything, his neck was covered in pockmarks, his face was covered in pockmarks, and the poor kid was like barely hanging on, right? | ||
| He's like 15, 16 years old, you know, wasn't like genetically gifted to begin with, and all of a sudden he gets hit with this hailstorm on his face. | ||
| I mean, his whole, all of his skin was just fucked, and there's nothing they can do about it once that happens. | ||
| No, unless you want to lose your colon. | ||
| Unless you want to take a pill. | ||
| But it's not even that. | ||
| It doesn't smooth your face out. | ||
| No. | ||
| The only way they can smooth your face out once you have those scars all over the place is they have to fucking sandblast you. | ||
| Yeah, surgery. | ||
| Yeah, it's crazy. | ||
| And it doesn't look good. | ||
| Uh-uh. | ||
| No. | ||
| No, you can tell. | ||
| It's fucked. | ||
| Yeah, no. | ||
| I'm lucky that it worked because I had friends where it didn't work and it was like, oh God, that's just... | ||
| So if you were my friend who just got hit with the hailstorm, like, you would think, like, maybe for that guy it'd be worth taking a chance at suicide. | ||
| Yeah, why not? | ||
| So crazy. | ||
| If you're gonna do it, do it cool. | ||
| You know, you never know. | ||
| You never know, right? | ||
| You're just rolling the dice. | ||
| You might be one of that one out of a thousand people that goes completely fucking insane once that stuff hits your system. | ||
| Goes blind insane. | ||
| Shits yourself. | ||
| Skull pressure was the craziest thing. | ||
| Bone growth, weird bones are gonna start... | ||
| Gonna grow horns. | ||
| You see Mike's second chin? | ||
| You just have another fucking chin start to grow below. | ||
| You ever go to this lady, Dr. Pimple Popper, on Instagram? | ||
| No. | ||
| Does she just pop huge zits? | ||
| I'm addicted to this lady's Instagram page. | ||
| The point where it almost seems like she's sponsoring this show. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ha ha! | |
| I tell everybody about her. | ||
| You go to her page and every day she's cutting open cysts and popping zits. | ||
| I can't. | ||
| Dude, you can. | ||
| She's got millions of... | ||
| Look it, she's got 2.4 million. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| 2.4 million humans watch this all the time, constantly. | ||
| Dude, I watch it. | ||
| But all of her stuff is these giant... | ||
| Go to that lower right-hand corner one. | ||
| Click on that. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| She's just cutting open these cysts, and it's so oddly addictive, man. | ||
| She's got this little circular razor blade tool. | ||
| It takes a circular chunk of meat out of your neck. | ||
| So that she can now push all the puss out. | ||
| Oh my god! | ||
| Isn't this insane? | ||
| Fuck! | ||
| Like, people's bodies and these errors, these, like, skin errors that we have, like, how many of those do we have inside of ourselves? | ||
| You know, like, when people, you hear about people having cysts and liver cysts and shit like that inside of you like this? | ||
| Dude, I have, I have a cyst, uh, when I was in- Jesus. | ||
| Ah! | ||
| When I was in college, I can't look away. | ||
| It's fucking insane. | ||
| I know, that's what I'm saying. | ||
| I'm in the sunken place, dude. | ||
| I can't fucking look away at this shit. | ||
| Yeah, it's very interesting. | ||
| When I was in college, dude, I thought I had nut cancer. | ||
| I thought I had testicle cancer, and I went into a doctor. | ||
| This is insane. | ||
| I went into a campus doctor, and he feels around in my nuts, and he feels the bump. | ||
| Dude, I cried for like two days. | ||
| Yeah, I started sucking my cock. | ||
| And he was like, I'm gonna get that nut. | ||
| I'm gonna get that nut. | ||
| There's only one way to get it out. | ||
| He said to me, this is no shit. | ||
| He goes, it's a buildup of semen. | ||
| A fucking doctor said that. | ||
| And I was like, really? | ||
| He goes, do you have a hot tub? | ||
| I was like, there's one in my complex. | ||
| Cook your cum. | ||
| He goes, go in there and jerk off in the hot tub. | ||
| He told you to jerk off in the hot tub. | ||
| I swear to God on my fucking life. | ||
| At 10.01. | ||
| Did he tell you what time? | ||
| I don't want you to look up. | ||
| He said, well, he said military time, actually. | ||
| Yeah, he said. | ||
| He said at 2022. Wow. | ||
| I want you to come. | ||
| There's something extra creepy about you in military time. | ||
| If you're talking about a guy jerking off and you're telling him how to do it during military time. | ||
| At 2022, I want to watch. | ||
| No, dude, this guy said it was a fuck it. | ||
| I'm not kidding. | ||
| He said it was a buildup of semen. | ||
| My dad flew into town because he was concerned because I was like, dude, it freaked me out. | ||
| I was like, I have this thing on my nut. | ||
| We went to the best doctor we could find. | ||
| And the guy was like, I should fucking have this other dude, like, get his medical license removed. | ||
| He's like, this buildup of semen is completely incorrect. | ||
| This is a cyst on your testicle. | ||
| He's like, it's benign, you're fine, but the fact that someone on campus, like a campus doctor told you that, that's a real medical professional. | ||
| He was probably high out of his mind. | ||
| Baked out of his fucking... | ||
| I went to Arizona State, so he was fucking lost, yeah. | ||
| It was just a dude they found that morning at the bus stop. | ||
| That doesn't even make sense to me. | ||
| I have no medical training. | ||
| When he said it, I was like, there's no chance. | ||
| Send in video. | ||
| That's what it was. | ||
| He's like, take a video of it. | ||
| That's what I want you to do. | ||
| I want you to take your nuts and hold them over a lamp so I can see through your nuts and then take as many pictures as you can. | ||
| No filter. | ||
| I'm going to bring in a couple other boys in here. | ||
| Young boys. | ||
| Don't use filters. | ||
| Have you seen that movie, Tickled? | ||
| Have you seen that documentary, Tickled? | ||
| I have not, but it keeps getting recommended to me. | ||
| I'm going to have to watch it. | ||
| It's unreal. | ||
| It blows your fucking mind how these guys were tricked into this. | ||
| It's as simple as young actors being like... | ||
| You gotta just make a living. | ||
| Can you let another guy tickle you on the internet for five minutes for $100? | ||
| And these young kids were like... | ||
| Dude, I've had friends get hit on by guys during casting sessions. | ||
| Just straightforward. | ||
| If you want to fuck... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I've had friends literally get propositioned. | ||
| I've had a few friends get propositioned by some very famous people that are like, you come to so-and-so's house, no one will know, no one will say anything. | ||
| But in the public eye, people think they're straight. | ||
| That's such a leap, man, when you're a dude and you're straight and you're like, alright, how much money is that really? | ||
| That is the crazy leap. | ||
| Like, I honestly absolutely firmly believe that prostitution should be legal. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| It doesn't make any sense that you can decide to fuck someone for free, and we all agree that nobody got hurt, but if for some reason there's something wrong with, like, someone paying you to jerk them off... | ||
| Yeah, what's the harm? | ||
| Do you imagine if fucking Tiger Woods... | ||
| If Tiger Woods could have had prostitutes, this would have never gotten exposed? | ||
| Do you think if prostitution was legal and it was kind of not a faux pas thing in society, do you think he would have never had this moment of collapse in his career? | ||
| I think it would change the way we look at sex if prostitution was legal. | ||
| It's so illegal, and it's been illegal for so long, that if someone, male or female, has someone pay them for sex, you're a whore. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It's a label right away. | ||
| But we know for a fact that there's gold diggers. | ||
| Like gold diggers are real. | ||
| But they're not even hidden. | ||
| They're blatant. | ||
| Blatant. | ||
| Yeah, they just say it. | ||
| It's on the internet. | ||
| You've seen that. | ||
| Have you ever seen that Instagram post where there's these really hot like Instagram models and then it shows a picture in the next box of a bunch of guys that are like in their 60s with giant guts with gray hair on their guts. | ||
| It's like those Instagram models in Dubai. | ||
| This is who's paying for those trips. | ||
| Yeah, of course. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We know those people exist. | ||
| We don't care. | ||
| It's like, look at her. | ||
| She got it. | ||
| Good for her. | ||
| Like that Dan Bilzerian guy. | ||
| You know him? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That's his M.O. Well, sort of. | ||
| He's a good-looking guy, too. | ||
| Yeah, but these women that are around, he knows what they're around for, and they know what they're around for. | ||
| It's a fucking mutual deal. | ||
| It's a deal. | ||
| I think the best example of it was J. Howard Marshall and Anna Nicole Smith. | ||
| Totally. | ||
| And Anna Nicole Smith married that 90-year-old dude who was in a wheelchair. | ||
| And she was just giant titties and a big ass and just out there. | ||
| It was brilliant. | ||
| It was amazing. | ||
| It was amazing because it was so blatant. | ||
| I had a whole bit about it in my act. | ||
| There it is, right there. | ||
| She set the tone. | ||
| That's setting the fucking tone. | ||
| That's the gold standard of gold diggers. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I mean, come on. | ||
| He's marrying her there. | ||
| How is that not prostitution? | ||
| That's one of the funniest things anybody's ever done. | ||
| Wait, go back to that photo. | ||
| Zoom in on his face. | ||
| Look at how unhappy he looks. | ||
| It's remarkable. | ||
| This guy's so fucking old he can't formulate a smile when he's marrying a woman a quarter his age. | ||
| And I think at the time she was a lesbian. | ||
| So she was just eating pussy and hanging out with him. | ||
| And she had to do like marital relations with him. | ||
| And when she would do the marital relations with him, you know, she was like, time to go to work. | ||
| What has she got to do? | ||
| He can't fuck. | ||
| What has she got to do? | ||
| Just tug him? | ||
| Just suck him. | ||
| Exclusive. | ||
| Did they have Viagra back then? | ||
| No, I don't think so. | ||
| I think they did. | ||
| I think we came up with the timeline for Viagra. | ||
| Maybe they came up with it for him. | ||
| It was all his research money. | ||
| There's gotta be a way! | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm that close to marrying Anna Nicole Smith, you piece of shit! | |
| Make something keep my dick hard for an hour and a half. | ||
| I've got ten billion dollars and not a lot of time. | ||
| I don't want you to listen to me, you son of a bitch. | ||
| God, that's so crazy. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| Good for him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck, yeah. | |
| Do you like my body? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Go out with a bang. | ||
| Or at least attempt. | ||
| An attempt at a bang. | ||
| Is he dead? | ||
| Yeah, he's dead as fuck. | ||
| What did he die of? | ||
| Happiness? | ||
| Died of being old. | ||
| Joy? | ||
| He died of joy? | ||
| The world blessed him in his final years? | ||
| But that's legal. | ||
| It's totally legal. | ||
| Totally. | ||
| To marry someone and have sex with them for money. | ||
| As long as you marry them and then get to steal all their money. | ||
| It's like a small transaction. | ||
| Like if he could just pay her, like for J. Howard Marshall, a multi-billionaire type character, I bet a hundred grand is not out of the question. | ||
| It's nothing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
One evening for a hundred grand seems like a worthy proposition. | |
| Someone told me this recently. | ||
| We were talking about this. | ||
| This is amazing. | ||
| The difference between a million and a billion. | ||
| Because I think in America, we just kind of like, we don't even think about it. | ||
| You know, you just hear it and you're like, billionaire. | ||
| Oh, he must be a billionaire. | ||
| You know, I'm sure someone, Joe Rogan, dude, he's got to be a fucking billionaire, dude. | ||
| Here's the difference that people don't realize. | ||
| A million seconds is how many days? | ||
| Would you guess? | ||
| A million seconds. | ||
| I've done this before and I always forget it. | ||
| Do you know? | ||
| A million seconds. | ||
| 30 days. | ||
| That's a great guess. | ||
| Is it? | ||
| It's 11 days. | ||
| That's good. | ||
| Most people are fucking way off. | ||
| So it's 11 days. | ||
| I just took a chance. | ||
| Yeah, that's good. | ||
| A million seconds is 11 days. | ||
| How many days is a billion seconds? | ||
| How many? | ||
| 31 years. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jesus. | |
| 11 days to 31 fucking years. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| A trillion seconds is 31,000 years. | ||
| When someone tries to fucking say they understand what a billion is, you're like, you have no fucking idea what a billion is. | ||
| A billion is so beyond far away. | ||
| Now, as far as it's been explained to me, and I've never researched this at all, so I wonder if you could find this out. | ||
| Someone said to me that when you look at the richest men in the world, like they look at Warren Buffet and Bill Gates and all those billionaire characters, that they're not really the richest men in the world. | ||
| That the real richest men in the world are these Saudi guys and a lot of these oil guys, but they're monarchs and they don't have to disclose their wealth. | ||
| They never do. | ||
| It's not like they're the CEO of a corporation. | ||
| They're head of a royal family. | ||
| They owe no government any indication of what their earnings are. | ||
| So this dude who knows one of those cats was telling me that he's probably a trillionaire. | ||
| Fuck me. | ||
| And I was like, what? | ||
| I go, that's real? | ||
| And he goes, yeah, I didn't know there was trillionaires. | ||
| He goes, it's very likely this guy might have access to a trillion dollars. | ||
| Because the only thing that we know is our famous billionaires. | ||
| We're infatuated with our billionaires that we kind of have as these... | ||
| Social icons, you know, like the Zuckerbergs and these guys that are like they did something that we can recognize these Saudi families that have had that money have had that money for a fucking long time It's not new money. | ||
| No, it's old They had they had hundreds of millions 50 years ago, right? | ||
| So now it's only accumulated into billions of I mean they own well the what what the That guy that the Chinese billionaire that the What was his name? | ||
| He just bought the Basquiat. | ||
| Oh, we had... | ||
| He's Japanese. | ||
| Japanese. | ||
| Yeah, that guy. | ||
| For $100 million? | ||
| We just... | ||
| We're talking about that. | ||
| Which show was that? | ||
| It was Bill Burr. | ||
| Yeah, dude. | ||
| $110, I think it was. | ||
| I mean... | ||
| And he owns another one that he got for like $57. | ||
| $57 is nothing to him. | ||
| That's like... | ||
| It's a flick. | ||
| Guy's insane. | ||
| Who's this cat? | ||
| We're at 1.4 trillion. | ||
| 1.4 trillion fucking dollars. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| See? | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| The royal family is worth a staggering 1.4 trillion. | ||
| Salman bin Abdulaziz Al Saud, pictured, is the current king. | ||
| Dude, that's ballin' on a whole new level, son. | ||
| That's just new shit. | ||
| 1.4 trillion. | ||
| Oh my god, who is this guy? | ||
| The Rothschilds families. | ||
| Oh, the Rothschilds, yeah, for sure. | ||
| There's probably a bunch of those little scoundrels running around taking a piece of that pie. | ||
| So a billion is a thousand million. | ||
| Yep, a thousand million. | ||
| To 700 trillion? | ||
| The Rothschilds? | ||
| Estimated between $1 billion and $700 trillion. | ||
| Hey, how about you do a better job? | ||
| I could do as good a job of estimating as that. | ||
| No shit, that's so far. | ||
| Probably a kazillion. | ||
| It's like when you ask a kid how much a car is and they're like, $8? | ||
| And you're like, yeah, it's like $8. | ||
| That's how much cars are. | ||
| $100? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes, exactly. | |
| Well, it is a Mercedes, son. | ||
| How the fuck did they have such a terrible gap in their guesstimate? | ||
| See, those kind of old families that have been around for that long, you know that they hide money. | ||
| When they say X amount of dollars, it's because... | ||
| That's what they've been told through so many sources. | ||
| I used to know... | ||
| You know the guy, this guy George Soros? | ||
| Do you know who that is? | ||
| The guy who broke the bank in Manhattan? | ||
| I know the name because everyone brings it up when they talk about... | ||
| Anyone on the right side... | ||
| Alex Jones has said that George Soros is making the marijuana stronger. | ||
| He's doing it for mind control. | ||
| I take it once a year. | ||
| I smoke marijuana to test the efficiency. | ||
| I like how he's the gauge. | ||
| I'm gonna do it for America. | ||
| I will smoke. | ||
| He says he smokes it once a year. | ||
| He said that during his custody trial. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| Once. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| Just once a year to test. | ||
| He has one day. | ||
| Test its potency. | ||
| That's George Soros. | ||
| George Soros. | ||
| He's 86. I partied with his kid one time. | ||
| 25 billion. | ||
| 25.2 billion. | ||
| I partied with his kid one time at one of these Hollywood things. | ||
| And I've never seen someone so... | ||
| And I'm not going to say anything negative about him. | ||
| I've just never seen that kind of money firsthand. | ||
| I've never known a billionaire. | ||
| I've never been friends with a billionaire. | ||
| And this kid was so lucid. | ||
| It was almost as if he's not living now at all. | ||
| He's just kind of go... | ||
| He's so floating. | ||
| It's like whatever happens happens. | ||
| I said, where are you staying while you're here? | ||
| He's like, with these guys, I guess. | ||
| I was like, do you have suitcases and shit? | ||
| You're in town from New York? | ||
| Like, are you not... | ||
| He's like, no, I just fucking... | ||
| I don't know, I'm going to figure it out, I guess, bounce around a little bit. | ||
| It's just like there is no groundedness. | ||
| When you're that rich, it's almost like, I don't know, I can do anything all the time, forever. | ||
| There's no source of repetitiveness. | ||
| Strife, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, I don't think it's a good thing for kids. | ||
| Oh, it's so bad. | ||
| It doesn't seem to work out. | ||
| I mean, I would think the only way you would get a kid through that is you've got to... | ||
| Take him to sports or something. | ||
| You got to get him involved in some adversity. | ||
| He's got to lose at something. | ||
| Yeah, a lot. | ||
| If you lose at shit, you start to understand how human you are when you're like, oh my god, there's so many people better than me at so many fucking things. | ||
| Oh, yeah, dude. | ||
| Because when you're given everything, you never lose. | ||
| You never heard no. | ||
| There's no negative in your life. | ||
| It's just kind of like, how do you get any sense of fucking, you know, any normalcy or anything grounded in your hands when you're like... | ||
| Yeah, we need feedback. | ||
| Yeah, you need to know that that's not good and that's okay and that's terrible and that's good. | ||
| You need to know where you land on the spectrum in the social world. | ||
| That's why so many rich kids are socially so fucking awkward. | ||
| Because they never had to... | ||
| They never got beat up at school. | ||
| They never got made fun of. | ||
| It was all like, it was all fucking flat. | ||
| Flat. | ||
| It's all flat. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You can't have all flat. | ||
| You don't want to have too many crazy dips. | ||
| Yeah, because then you're fucking... | ||
| But you definitely don't want flat. | ||
| Like, the worst drive ever is not the longest drive. | ||
| The worst drive ever is like when you're driving in those roads that people always stop to take album cover pictures in. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Where you just see just flat and nothing there forever. | ||
| Just nothing. | ||
| Over the horizon. | ||
| Just flat. | ||
| Like if you go the same distance but you're driving on like the Pacific Coast Highway and you're headed up to San Francisco, it's fucking beautiful. | ||
| Beautiful, man. | ||
| You barely recognize. | ||
| First of all, you say, the cliff's right there! | ||
| The fucking cliff! | ||
| The cliff's right there! | ||
| What if I just fucking... | ||
| You could just do that, and people do do that for sure. | ||
| They just go off that cliff. | ||
| And you just want to make sure the guy on the other side is not thinking, I'm just going to head on this guy, and we're both going to go off this cliff. | ||
| Do this shit together. | ||
| Let's do this shit. | ||
| I'm going to drag somebody with me. | ||
| Fuck him. | ||
| The last moments of your life, flying off a cliff because some pilled up asshole decided to just slam into you and knock you off. | ||
| Just one afternoon? | ||
| It can happen. | ||
| Have you seen those birds that jump off the cliff right after they're born? | ||
| Have you seen these? | ||
| Dude, get this video. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Look up, look up... | ||
| Bird jumps off cliff after birth. | ||
| So the moment they hatch, the mother and the father go to the bottom of this, like, 500-foot cliff. | ||
| And the birds jump. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jesus. | |
| And they hit rocks all the way down. | ||
| And whoever survives, survives with the parents. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Dude, it's fucking amazing. | ||
| I just saw it on... | ||
| I think it's on... | ||
| This looks like it was on Planet Earth. | ||
| Planet Earth. | ||
| So I can't really show this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I can watch it. | |
| So people... | ||
| I'll link the video or something. | ||
| What is the video called? | ||
| So people can... | ||
| Chicks jump off cliff. | ||
| Chicks jump off cliff. | ||
| Which is another one that they do here in LA sometimes in Hollywood. | ||
| I think that's different. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| Wow, this is insane. | ||
| They don't even have wings yet. | ||
| Nope. | ||
| Nothing. | ||
| Nothing. | ||
| Just fucking bold. | ||
| Oh my god, this is insane. | ||
| This is insane. | ||
| So this poor little thing is... | ||
| It's kind of like a flying squirrel looking situation. | ||
| This is insane. | ||
| Dude, the first time I watched this I was so baked, I was like, is this a loop? | ||
| Because it looks like it's never gonna end. | ||
| It's so far. | ||
| I think he says it 500 or 600 feet or something like that. | ||
| It's so insane that this is how life gets born. | ||
| Oh my god! | ||
| And he hits the rocks, and you gotta assume he's dead. | ||
| Nope. | ||
| Oh my god, he's gonna hit more rocks! | ||
| Oh, Jesus Christ! | ||
| So many fucking rocks! | ||
| Look at this thing! | ||
| It's flipping head over heels. | ||
| It hits more rocks. | ||
| Oh, it hit a little grass there. | ||
| Caught a break. | ||
| Caught a break! | ||
| Caught a break! | ||
| That's a good break. | ||
| Look at this thing. | ||
| It's going down the side of the cliff, head over heels, head first, asshole, head to a rock. | ||
| For a second... | ||
| Asshole to a rock. | ||
| We got a minute. | ||
| We got a break. | ||
| Nope. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Never mind. | |
| Got a little bit of a break. | ||
| Forget about it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right back down. | |
| More bouncing. | ||
| Boom. | ||
| Head for... | ||
| Oh, there's your face. | ||
| There's your dick hole. | ||
| Here's a rock up your asshole. | ||
| Here's one on the side of your face. | ||
| Here's one to your eyes. | ||
| Here's one to your nose. | ||
| Oh, another hundred feet to go. | ||
| There's mom and dad. | ||
| And mom's like, is this motherfucker gonna make it? | ||
| Look, there's another one behind it. | ||
| No. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| Boom. | ||
| How's he doing? | ||
| Fucking insane! | ||
| They stop and wait to see which ones live. | ||
| Jesus Christ! | ||
| Nature is so harsh! | ||
| I knew you would love this because I thought about you the first time I saw this and I was like, this is so fucking proof about surviving, dude. | ||
| It's so survival. | ||
| This is the most basic. | ||
| You have to leap and almost die the moment you enter the world. | ||
| That chick is tough as fuck. | ||
| Survival, dude. | ||
| That chick could go five rounds of Giorgio Petrosian and just shake it off. | ||
| Georgiou versus a chick. | ||
| Yeah, there's one that didn't make it. | ||
| I'm sure there's a ton of dead ones, man. | ||
| There's blood all over the rocks. | ||
| Oh, Jesus fucking Christ. | ||
| Yeah, you could actually hit one of those corners and it could gut you. | ||
| You know, for sure. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| I mean, this is all shale. | ||
| That stuff is so dangerous. | ||
| Oh, that one's dying. | ||
| Oh, Jamie, don't show us this. | ||
| This is so sad. | ||
| I had a bird come in my house the other day, and this poor little fucker, he flew right into the window. | ||
| Dunk! | ||
| Sorry, it makes me laugh every time I see that. | ||
| Thought he was gonna go out, and then woke up, and then flew into another window. | ||
| Full speed. | ||
| Dunk. | ||
| Out cold. | ||
| So, I thought he was probably dead. | ||
| And my daughters were going, oh no, is he gonna die? | ||
| I go, we don't know, honey. | ||
| Let's put him outside, and hopefully he'll wake up. | ||
| Fucker woke up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He did. | |
| Yeah, he woke up, like, five minutes later, like, shook it off and flew away. | ||
| Like, imagine if that was a person. | ||
| That thing was going, like, 30 miles an hour right into a window. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Donk! | |
| A little tiny bird, too. | ||
| Just, he got KO'd. | ||
| But then got up and flew away. | ||
| Came back for another round. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I came in the house though. | ||
| It was weird. | ||
| I was at a buddy's house at this party and a fucking hummingbird flew right into the house. | ||
| Like right through the double doors. | ||
| Oh Jesus. | ||
| And was stuck in the skylights. | ||
| And it was panicking because it didn't know what to do. | ||
| Like it wasn't willing to come down. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| So, I was just fucked up enough that I was like, I have this idea, give me a fucking huge pan, the biggest pan from the kitchen, and pour sugar and water in it, heat up the sugar a little bit, and I put the pan up to it, I got on a ladder, put it up, it started getting in there to drink the sugar water, and I slowly took it down and walked it outside. | ||
| That's some wizard shit. | ||
| I was wizardry, dude. | ||
| That's very clever. | ||
| Magic hands. | ||
| That's very smart. | ||
| You ever seen them in slow-mo, man? | ||
| They're so bizarre. | ||
| Their wings are moving so fast. | ||
| It's unbelievable. | ||
| It's insane. | ||
| It's beautiful to watch, man. | ||
| Oh, man. | ||
| I was in Costa Rica, and we went to this place that had some sort of sanctuary for them. | ||
| The Hummingbird Sanctuary. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Do you know what it is? | ||
| Did you see it? | ||
| I went down to Costa Rica just last year. | ||
| So they have these feeders, so you just hang out by them and take slow-mo on your iPhone, and you see the thing floating around your head? | ||
| There it is, right there. | ||
| I mean, they could just hover. | ||
| It's so crazy. | ||
| How did they evolve like this? | ||
| It's so strange. | ||
| No other bird makes that weird sound when it goes by you. | ||
| It's like they have little wings, but they move stupid fast. | ||
| How many per minute? | ||
| Does it say how many... | ||
| I know their heartbeat is insane. | ||
| Their heartbeat is like a hundred times ours or something like that. | ||
| They're so cute. | ||
| They don't seem like killers at all. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Right? | ||
| They're just out there eating pollen and shit, right? | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| That's incredible. | ||
| Do they eat bugs? | ||
| Like, what do they eat? | ||
|
unidentified
|
They got that little tongue that's sticking out there. | |
| Right, but isn't that like going for like nectar and stuff? | ||
| That's for nectar, yeah. | ||
| This is gonna have some facts for us. | ||
| Hummingbird lay one to three eggs several times per year. | ||
| Eggs are about the size of a jelly bean. | ||
| Huh. | ||
| That's not good facts. | ||
| I want to know what they eat. | ||
| Yeah, I want to know that kind of shit. | ||
| Look at that nose! | ||
| They have the craziest beaks, too. | ||
| Like, if that was a giant bird, you'd be like, what the fuck? | ||
| That's pretty sick. | ||
| Did you see what that just said? | ||
| Yeah, they have an extra set of eyelids and they can see ultraviolet. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| That's fucking amazing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| That beak is crazy. | ||
| That beak's like a narwhal horn. | ||
| It's so tiny we don't notice how crazy long their beaks are. | ||
| Dude, that's the other thing. | ||
| There's no consistency of color between all the birds. | ||
| Do you know what I mean? | ||
| Usually most species have a similar color pattern. | ||
| Is there a bunch of different kinds of hummingbirds? | ||
| Oh, they do? | ||
| Insects, pollen, sap. | ||
| Tree sap. | ||
| Pollen and insects. | ||
| So they're omnivores. | ||
| Interesting, man. | ||
| Birds are a trip, dude. | ||
| They are some of the most unique animals on our planet. | ||
| I've really ignored them. | ||
| I really ignored birds until I saw my first eagle in person in the wild. | ||
| It's crazy, right? | ||
| Yeah, I was with Ari. | ||
| We were in Alaska. | ||
| We were in Anchorage. | ||
| We were going fishing. | ||
| We were salmon fishing. | ||
| We were like, dude, that's a fucking wild eagle. | ||
| And this eagle was just standing there on this branch just looking down on us. | ||
| I was like, what? | ||
| You start realizing what they really are. | ||
| Like, oh, that's like a murdering dinosaur bird that flies around and snatches fish out of the water. | ||
| It was waiting for fish. | ||
| Yeah, just chilling. | ||
| We were catching these fish, dude. | ||
| They were like this big. | ||
| This salmon. | ||
| These powerful fish. | ||
| And this eagle comes down and grabs it out of the water with his talons. | ||
| And flies with it. | ||
| It's fucking awesome. | ||
|
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|
Dude. | |
| I started tripping out on birds after that. | ||
| Just being near them in the wild and seeing them move around. | ||
| It just seems so different than seeing them in the zoo. | ||
| They're so fucking hardcore. | ||
| Their wingspans are so amazing to me when they open up how fucking huge they are. | ||
| Whenever you see one in person, you're like, that is way bigger than I thought. | ||
| It's a view back to a much more ancient style of living thing. | ||
| You know, I mean, it's a view back to dinosaurs. | ||
| And they're starting to realize more and more dinosaurs' fossils are being found with feathers. | ||
| How many fucking birds is that? | ||
| Have you ever seen a moose in real life? | ||
| Oh yeah, I've shot a moose. | ||
| That's a moose right there. | ||
| Whenever I go up to Canada, like, have you ever been to Banff? | ||
| You know where that is in Alberta? | ||
| Yeah, I know where that is. | ||
| Dude, that has the biggest moose I've ever seen in my... | ||
| Like, I've seen moose when I was a kid, but nothing like up in northern Canada. | ||
| Dude, I mean, the size of a fucking school bus. | ||
| I mean, it's so big. | ||
| I think people think... | ||
| They think they know what a moose is because you're like, yeah, I think it's like a cow or something. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Dude, they're massive, massive animals. | ||
| They're so big. | ||
| Shocking. | ||
| It was twice the size of our car. | ||
| I was like, get the fuck out of here. | ||
| That's a moose? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They're so big, it's insane. | ||
| And if you run into them, like you hit them with your car, you're fucked. | ||
| Yeah, you're fucked. | ||
| They'll wreck you. | ||
| That was like growing up in the Midwest, dude. | ||
| I'd hear people getting bad car accidents with deer all the time. | ||
| These guys in Canada, there is no stories about it. | ||
| You die. | ||
| You hit a fucking... | ||
| It's not like, dude, you hear about Mike, he fucking hit a deer. | ||
| It's like, you hit a moose, it's like Mike's car exploded. | ||
| Mike is dead. | ||
| A deer will fuck you up, though. | ||
| There's a buddy of mine who lives in Oregon. | ||
| A guy on the highway in his neighborhood hit a deer. | ||
| The deer flipped over his car and hit the car behind him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck. | |
| And went through the windshield and killed the guy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Really? | ||
| The first guy was fine, huh? | ||
| The first guy was fine. | ||
| The deer flipped over his car. | ||
| As he hit it, it went flying through the air, and then it landed right on into this guy's car and killed him. | ||
| It was the craziest shit I ever saw. | ||
| I was like eight years old with my dad driving on the fucking Dan Ryan in Chicago. | ||
| And a car, the middle of the lane was, the fast lane was under construction. | ||
| A car went over the fucking median onto oncoming traffic and hit another car. | ||
| Oh, Jesus. | ||
| Like a hundred yards in front of us. | ||
| I watched it fucking happen. | ||
| It was the craziest shit I've ever seen in my life. | ||
| And it was like the afternoon. | ||
| I don't know if he was fucked up or what. | ||
| Right over the median, right into another car. | ||
| Gee, and you saw the whole thing? | ||
| I watched it happen. | ||
| I mean, it felt so fake when I was a kid. | ||
| I remember thinking, I remember getting older and asking my dad if it happened. | ||
| Because I thought, you know, in your childhood sometimes you're like, did I see that in a fucking thing and that wasn't real? | ||
| You know, and you formulate these different stories in your brain as a kid because, you know, that line of what's real and fake when you're so young. | ||
| But dude, I can't forget that happening. | ||
| It was crazy. | ||
| That is crazy. | ||
| Perfectly hit another car. | ||
| It was almost as if, like, magnetic. | ||
| Fucking head right head on. | ||
|
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|
Wow. | |
| Yeah, it was wild. | ||
| I think those Fast and the Furious movies have fucked people up when it comes to like what you can and can't do in a car. | ||
| Yeah, do they jump a car from like a building and shit to another building and live? | ||
| It's fucking insane. | ||
| I mean, there's a lot of dumb kids out there that watch those movies. | ||
| They gotta be like, yo man, I gotta give that a shot. | ||
| There has to be someone who thinks that that's what's going to happen. | ||
| When they get behind the wheel, bro, I'm going to be the best ever. | ||
| I never even drove yet, but once I drive, I'm going to be the best ever. | ||
| Just fucking over, dawg. | ||
| I watch that movie all the time. | ||
| People just want to be cool. | ||
| They want to be able to downship, spin that wheel. | ||
| Do you ever watch those fail videos online of people showing off, like showboating in nice cars? | ||
| That's one of my favorite things. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Crashing. | |
| Yeah, they're always like, some guy's like, spin the wheels, dude! | ||
| Some guy in like a fucking GTR is like, just right into the fucking wall next to him, just spin out and crash right away. | ||
| It's just, dude, it's great. | ||
| I love to see that shit. | ||
| I love to see people showing off and then right away they're fucked. | ||
| I love that shit. | ||
| Nothing funnier. | ||
| There's so many videos of that now, too. | ||
| It's almost like if you have a camera and you're pointing it at the guy, you're kind of hexing him because he's saying, man, I hope I don't fuck this up because it's going to be on every internet site, everyone's Twitter account, Instagram page. | ||
| It's like you're kind of like putting too much pressure on him. | ||
| Your accident is now shareable. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Your mistakes are now everyone's joy. | ||
| That's the world we're in now. | ||
| Your fuck-ups could be somebody's great Monday. | ||
| Welcome to the new world. | ||
| It's brilliant. | ||
| It's a crazy new world, man. | ||
| Didn't exist. | ||
| It was never like this. | ||
| Yeah, you didn't have to worry about someone seeing your fuck up. | ||
| How old are you? | ||
| 33. I'm 49. When I was a kid, we didn't even have, like, when I was a boy. | ||
| Back in the day. | ||
| No, you heard stories. | ||
| Somebody fucked up somewhere over there. | ||
| This guy did that, you know? | ||
| That's all there was. | ||
| One guy in our town killed someone in a car. | ||
| Dragged this guy around like he got the guy stuck under his car and he just kept driving fuck Did he not know he was under there or he was like fuck it. | ||
|
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|
I don't care. | |
| I'm going to prison They don't know they don't know if he was drunk. | ||
| I don't I don't know I don't know when he got caught either But it was a story it was in the news and I remember it was in like I was delivering newspapers at the time so I saw it like in the newspapers that I was delivering it's so weird to have known someone and And then know that they ran over somebody in a car and then dragged them around. | ||
| Yeah, I didn't know him well, but he was like one of those guys in the town. | ||
| I think he was a little older than me, but he was one of those guys that was always kind of hanging out with a nice car. | ||
| He always had like a nice Trans Am. | ||
| I was just going to say, an IROC-Z was about the... | ||
| Yeah, his family had money. | ||
| And he ran over someone and dragged him around. | ||
| There's always this thing about people whose families had money, like the rich kids. | ||
| Get away with it. | ||
| Well, it was a weird thing, too. | ||
| It's like we knew that they were like a little off. | ||
| Like you always knew that the rich kids were never like a complete human. | ||
| Right. | ||
| There was just a few of them that were just a little... | ||
| Like, if you knew they were rich... | ||
| There's probably a lot of kids that we didn't know they were rich, and they were rich, but they weren't fucked up, so it didn't come through. | ||
| But the ones that wanted everybody to know they were rich, they always had designer clothes on, and they always had the nicest shit, and they always had brand new cars. | ||
| Like, when they were 17, this guy had a brand new car. | ||
| It's almost like they're a little bit animatronic. | ||
| Like, there's something robotic about really rich kids, where it's just kind of like super... | ||
| Super high-functioning in a very, like, disconnected level because they're so unaware of what it's like to not have. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, I'm watching these shows with my kid. | ||
| We went to see this Diary of a Wimpy Kid. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| It's actually a funny movie, man. | ||
| There's some funny shit in there. | ||
| I laughed hard a couple times in that movie. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| I just went because they wanted to go. | ||
| But in this movie, one of the things that really strikes home is everyone is struggling. | ||
| This fucking kid is... | ||
| Everything is falling apart, always, constantly. | ||
| And because of that, he's kind of got a fun personality. | ||
| He gets checked all the time. | ||
| As soon as he gets cocky, he gets crushed again. | ||
| It just keeps happening. | ||
| And there's a whole series of these movies. | ||
| But that's not happening to the rich kid that I grew up with. | ||
| No, fuck no. | ||
| That's... | ||
| Why, probably when he hit the guy in his car and had the guy stuck under his car, he didn't know what the fuck to do. | ||
| Yeah, he's fucked. | ||
| I mean, he just thought he was gonna get away with whatever. | ||
| He figured... | ||
| I just gotta get away from the cops. | ||
| I gotta get away. | ||
| I'll just clean the car. | ||
| There was a kid I went to high school with that had a hit-and-run. | ||
| And he got away with it. | ||
| I mean, obviously, I didn't know it was this kid I went to high school with, but he got away with it for a long fucking time. | ||
| It was such a public story that a famous NASCAR driver at the time painted her name on his car, like, find so-and-so's killer, because it was such a fucking big deal. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whew. | |
| This girl that was hit and run and he came out years later. | ||
| This is crazy. | ||
| He was pilled the pilled the fuck up and he showed up to her sister's house and admitted the whole thing to her sister and was saying he was gonna like run away kill himself whatever and she cleverly she spoke Polish she told her husband to fucking call the cops and was trying to calm this kid down in the meanwhile telling him to call the cops and they finally caught this kid before he could fucking off himself or something but he killed this girl on a hit and run and thought he and got for what it's worth got away with it for a long time man Thank you. | ||
| But he was probably not a bad person. | ||
| He just was weak at the time and it haunted him. | ||
| Yeah, it had to come out. | ||
| Fuck, man. | ||
| Crazy, right? | ||
| That's a mistake that if you make, God damn it. | ||
| Does shit like that happen from your area of where you grew up? | ||
| Do you read stuff now, years later, that you hear about fucked up shit from back then that has gotten exposed now? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Like these teachers I knew ran a fucking prostitution ring. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Teachers did? | ||
| It came out in the paper. | ||
| The teachers did. | ||
| The teachers, dude. | ||
| The old shop teacher, his daughter... | ||
| The shop teacher is a fucking pimp. | ||
| The shop teacher is a pimp. | ||
| The shop teacher was pimpin' dude. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's insane. | |
| Who are the girls? | ||
| The girls were high school students? | ||
| No, not high school students. | ||
| They were fucking just like girls in the community. | ||
| Probably girls that went to high school and graduated, but older girls that they were pimping out. | ||
| From the school. | ||
| They were pimping from school. | ||
| What school was this? | ||
| This was out in the suburbs of Chicago. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Here's the question. | ||
| If they did make prostitution legal, they set it up just like you can go get a massage, you can go have sex with somebody, how much would that change the notion of marriage, relationships? | ||
| Nobody's getting married. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's it. | |
| It's over. | ||
| It's over. | ||
| It's only a law that's keeping what percentage of people married. | ||
| I mean, you said it before when we touched on this prior. | ||
| The reason that we make it okay is because the church gets involved, right? | ||
| So if the church says it's okay... | ||
| It's like my dad was a drug addict growing up. | ||
| My dad was in and out of prison my whole life when I was a kid. | ||
| And my mother divorced my father when I was one. | ||
| So I don't really have any recollection of any of that. | ||
| So I don't have that damage that people are like, my dad got divorced when we were 16. I didn't see it. | ||
| I didn't know it. | ||
| But my mom came from such a hardcore Irish Catholic world that my family... | ||
| The older generation didn't approve and was like, you can't divorce this man. | ||
| That's against our religion. | ||
| And my mom was like, he's a fucking terrible person to me. | ||
| I have to get out of this relationship. | ||
| And now she was just, they were both young. | ||
| You know, she just wanted to make the right move for a baby. | ||
| But the church has so much influence on certain parts of society that my grandmother was like... | ||
| Almost disowning. | ||
| But that's such a reality for that generation that it was like, how could you... | ||
| What do you mean divorce? | ||
| I mean, that's like, you're going to hell. | ||
| Like, that's it. | ||
| You're done. | ||
| So my mom had that kind of fuck up in her brain of like, that That's how much influence the church has over marriage and coupling and it's crazy. | ||
| It's fucking crazy. | ||
| It's unbelievably ridiculous that people succumb to that. | ||
| It's so crazy. | ||
| It's controlling, man. | ||
| Well, the Catholic Church in particular is one of the weirdest ones ever. | ||
| Oh, it's so strange. | ||
| It's just the insanely high percentage of people that are involved in child abuse. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, what other religion has that connected to it like that? | ||
| There's none. | ||
| Muslim is the biggest in the world, right? | ||
| The biggest religion? | ||
| In the world, right? | ||
| I think it is. | ||
| If it's not, Christianity is. | ||
| Yeah, they're probably toe-to-toe. | ||
| Either way, you don't hear about that. | ||
| So are they covering up shit? | ||
| It's not the same thing. | ||
| The thing about the priests and the priests being forced to be celibate and then spending time with boys, that shit has always gone bad. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Forcing guys to be celibate, bad. | ||
| Forcing guys to hang out with boys, bad. | ||
| Awful. | ||
| Weird shit's gonna happen if there's no parents in the room. | ||
| Dude, as soon as you deprive someone of something, they are going to have it. | ||
| They want it immediately. | ||
| And then you attach to it the ultimate power that comes from being a representative of God. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, you're wearing a priest's outfit to a little kid. | ||
| Like, that kid will suck your dick. | ||
| He'll do anything you say. | ||
| He doesn't know what's going on. | ||
| He's a baby. | ||
| Ooh, crazy. | ||
| It's so dark, dude. | ||
| Deep, dark mind control. | ||
| And when you find out how many of them... | ||
| Yeah, that's the thing. | ||
| It's not just one. | ||
| It's not just ten. | ||
| The more you hear, the more you're like, dude, this is not a fucking accident. | ||
| These aren't coincidences. | ||
| This isn't like a conspiracy. | ||
| This is a fact that this is rampant, and it's crazy. | ||
| It's crazy because it's still happening. | ||
| No, they don't talk about it. | ||
| Yeah, it's like it's, you know... | ||
| Well, how about that Benedict guy, the Pope that had to resign? | ||
| They found out that he had been involved in the moving of these child molesters from one place to another place. | ||
| Keeping them clean. | ||
| They would close the story down, shut everybody up, and then move that guy to another place. | ||
| And one of the guys went on to molest 100 deaf kids. | ||
| What? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He molested 100 deaf kids. | ||
| And he was put into that position by this guy who wound up being the Pope. | ||
| A hundred deaf kids. | ||
| A hundred deaf kids. | ||
| Yeah, it was... | ||
| It's horrible, man. | ||
| It's fucking awful. | ||
| There's so much involved in it. | ||
| There's so many people that covered shit up. | ||
| There's so many different versions of these stories. | ||
| So many stories. | ||
| Thousands and thousands of stories of people molested by priests. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| And if you bring it up, immediately you get people defending it. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| Look, you're exaggerating. | ||
| I've said this before. | ||
| Imagine if NASCAR drivers fucked that many kids. | ||
| It'd be shut down. | ||
| Shut the fuck down. | ||
| But because it's the church, we're like, well, let's, you know, but there's good things, too. | ||
| They're working for God. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| It's crazy that any organization can have a history of fucking kids. | ||
| We're working for God. | ||
| Is God's side job fucking children? | ||
| Because it's not, whatever it is, it's not working. | ||
| But we forgive them. | ||
| It's not all bad. | ||
| We don't want to break the whole thing up. | ||
| Definitely don't want to do that. | ||
| No, stealing is not bad. | ||
| Fucking a kid is the same as, like, some minor bullshit infraction in society. | ||
| Thousands and thousands of cases, maybe even millions of cases. | ||
| And then still, you have these world leaders, like Trump met with the Pope, the Pope was all bummed out. | ||
| Trump should be like, I'm bummed out to be next to you, motherfucker. | ||
| What about what you represent? | ||
| You mad at me because I'm pulling out of the climbing accord? | ||
| What about all the kid fucking, bro? | ||
| Did you bring up the kid fucking? | ||
| He's been fucking kids. | ||
| Oh, that's right. | ||
| You do a good Trump. | ||
| Have you seen the pictures of Trump with the Pope? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, dude. | |
| The Pope's totally dissing Trump. | ||
| The Pope is real bummed. | ||
| The Pope should relax. | ||
| He should slow his fucking roll. | ||
| You're part of a giant kid fucking ring. | ||
| Yeah, who do you think you are? | ||
| Yeah, you're getting cocky because the billionaire guy who tricked America into voting for him is uncomfortable. | ||
| Do you know what the thing that bothers me the most is? | ||
| The church is all about fucking the community and the people. | ||
| They don't pay taxes on all this great real estate they own. | ||
| Tons of it. | ||
| How come they can't house homeless people or sick people in those churches all day long while they're there? | ||
| That's free property. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't understand. | ||
| There it is. | ||
| Yeah, fucking pissed. | ||
| Trump's like, my hair looks good. | ||
| It's a good hair day. | ||
| It's a good hair day. | ||
| Pope, you like my hair. | ||
| Touch it, it's real. | ||
|
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|
I swear. | |
| I got it done. | ||
| The guy that I used went to Tony and Guy, the hairstylist school. | ||
| The color of his hair is like the color of every retired Florida golfer in his 70s. | ||
| It's fucking so gross. | ||
| He's got this weird blonde-gray thing going on. | ||
| It's like he moves it around a little. | ||
| Like, some days it's like a darker brown, some days it's like a blonde. | ||
| Blonde-gray. | ||
| It's just like sand. | ||
| He's getting it worked on, is what I'm saying. | ||
| Like, this is not the color of the hair. | ||
| You do one of two things. | ||
| Let me be clear about this. | ||
| Either you work on your hair, or you don't work on your hair. | ||
| Okay? | ||
| So either you dye your fucking hair, or you don't dye your hair. | ||
| It's one of those two things. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How fucking weird. | |
| And when you dye your hair, be consistent. | ||
| You can't go gray and then be blonde again and then be dark haired. | ||
| It's too confusing to me. | ||
| I need to know what kind of a person are you. | ||
| Like, how much are you working on your hair? | ||
| What's your level of hair care? | ||
| How much time are you spending putting that together every day? | ||
| Did Donald Trump change his hair? | ||
| Of course he did. | ||
| Fucking obviously. | ||
| Of course he did. | ||
| Yeah, he's changed his hair color. | ||
| He's moving it around. | ||
| His hair is probably very gray at this point. | ||
| He's in his 70s. | ||
| There's nothing wrong with that. | ||
| What did you think about all this Kathy Griffin shit? | ||
| She's ridiculous. | ||
| It's fucking insane. | ||
| She needs friends. | ||
| Why are you doing that? | ||
| It's just, it's 100% an attention ploy. | ||
| What a call for attention, man. | ||
| What a bullshit. | ||
| It's being edgy. | ||
| She thought she was being edgy. | ||
| And she probably was talking with the wrong people and got the wrong idea in her head and went with it and had no one like you around to go, what the fuck are you talking about? | ||
| That's the president. | ||
| And it's a person. | ||
| Yeah, it's a human. | ||
| Yeah, you can't pretend you want to murder him ISIS style and hold his head up to the camera like a hostage video. | ||
| That's fucking crazy. | ||
| I think it's just... | ||
| It's one of those things where both parties, both extreme left and extreme right, are at such a heightened version of what's happening that people are becoming blind to, like, logic. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| You're 100% right. | ||
| Logic is like, it's gone. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You would fucking never. | ||
| If somebody did that with Obama, holy shit. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| I mean, the fucking world would stop spinning. | ||
| There'd be so much chaos from that. | ||
| It would be an insane thing to see that happen. | ||
| Well, look, it's just, that's not anyone's solution. | ||
| Like, that's not a real, like, holding up that head is not a real solution. | ||
| Like, killing anybody like that. | ||
| It's a taunt. | ||
| Not only that, even if it's, like, the worst person in the world, cutting their head off and holding it up like that is fucking barbaric. | ||
| We wouldn't even want that from Osama bin Laden. | ||
| If we found the video of Osama bin Laden and one of the SEALs held him down and cut his head off and then held it up to the camera, we'd be fucking extremely, like, what are we doing? | ||
| Why didn't you just kill him? | ||
| Kill him. | ||
| Shoot him again. | ||
| We're not torturing them. | ||
| We're not trying to terrorize all these other people. | ||
| We are not going to become what we're afraid of. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Right? | ||
| I mean, that's what she's doing. | ||
| By holding that head up, you are becoming what you are afraid of. | ||
| You're becoming a monster. | ||
| You're dead-faced. | ||
| You're not even emotionally attached to the fact that you're holding up this bloody head. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Like, what kind of nonsense, false imagery is this? | ||
| Like, you don't really think that. | ||
| You don't really feel that. | ||
| Is it art? | ||
| Like, what is it? | ||
| Is it art? | ||
| I'm sure that's what the argument from her sake was. | ||
| It's an artistic piece with a photographer who's... | ||
| But it's about a real person. | ||
| It's not Medusa. | ||
| It's not like a dragon's head you're holding up. | ||
| This is crazy. | ||
| If it's your own head, you can make a funny statement. | ||
| If you're trying to make a statement, sure. | ||
| But it's like, what are you doing? | ||
| You're terrorizing that person. | ||
| I know everybody thinks that the president has to assume a certain amount of mockery, and I agree that he does. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| I agree. | ||
| Everybody in any position of power like that, you're gonna have people coming at you. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| But there's a difference between that and advocating a brutal assassination and terror video. | ||
| Head removal, no less. | ||
| No one's going to be sympathetic towards your idea. | ||
| And in fact, you're going to empower the people that are opposed to you. | ||
| Because they're going to think, oh, these people are these crazy ideologues who want to literally promote the murder and torture of someone, cutting their head off. | ||
| The whole thing is crazy. | ||
| But it's just something that people do where they're trying to get attention, or they're trying to entertain, or they're trying to be shocking. | ||
| They're just... | ||
| It's a continuation of trying to be in people's frontal lobe, you know? | ||
| It's like people in Hollywood at some point just want to stay in Hollywood. | ||
| And I feel like that's what she does a lot. | ||
| I want to do something controversial on the fucking New Year's Eve host that she does or whatever so she can stay in Hollywood. | ||
| This great director once told me that imagine if this is an actor and As if we're the sun and the earth and moving around one another. | ||
| Just like an actor in a spotlight. | ||
| It's as if the spotlight is on the actor at some point. | ||
| But when it moves away, if the actor tried to move towards it, is when it becomes sad. | ||
| When it's shifted out of your line of sight, when your work and your progress has Shifted as if your time perhaps may be coming to a close as far as it's worth. | ||
| When you are continuing to search for it, there's nothing more desperate and more obvious. | ||
| He's like, you can always see when someone's hunting for it again. | ||
| It looks sad. | ||
| It looks... | ||
| It looks desperate. | ||
| It's also contrary to the very reason people like you in the first place. | ||
| Like, people like you because you're doing things they enjoy. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| You're doing good work. | ||
| You're doing good comedy. | ||
| You're making a good movie. | ||
| Whatever the fuck you do. | ||
| Making a good song. | ||
| That's why they like you. | ||
| They don't want to like you because you're trying to get attention. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Or that you're trying to get people to just... | ||
| I mean, what is that? | ||
| What do you get out of holding a head? | ||
| Like, what kind of attention? | ||
| Do you get like a, yeah! | ||
|
unidentified
|
What did she think? | |
| What did she think? | ||
| Yeah, you go, girl. | ||
| Like, yeah, we're with you. | ||
| Fuck him. | ||
| Kill him. | ||
| Like, there's people that do think like that, and they could have easily been right. | ||
| They might be left. | ||
| They could have easily been right. | ||
| It's a way of thinking. | ||
| And you get that way of thinking, and then you program yourself. | ||
| You get locked into this predetermined pattern of behavior. | ||
| Like, all right-wing people, like, a giant percentage of them, Have like an established series of opinions about certain things that we count on because they're the right, right? | ||
| Like abortion, or even it used to be gay marriage was one of them. | ||
| There's always a bunch of them that are just... | ||
| Climate change is one of them. | ||
| Like it's like halfway there, maybe 25% of them hardcore on the right. | ||
| Whereas the left, climate change is almost 100% accepted. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Without question. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| Like how do these ideas become right or left ideas? | ||
| Yeah, who logged them into the database of which side do they belong on? | ||
| It's talking points. | ||
| People on Fox News start talking about it. | ||
| People agree with it. | ||
| They like convenient things. | ||
| Ah, it's a cycle. | ||
| It comes and goes. | ||
| Don't worry about it. | ||
| What we need is jobs. | ||
| And then they run with that. | ||
| And it's this predetermined pattern that people just love to fall into, man. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| It's creepy. | ||
| There should no longer be separation of just permanent party. | ||
| It shouldn't be you're always left and always right. | ||
| That's so fucked up. | ||
| We're too vulnerable. | ||
| I feel it myself. | ||
| I feel myself the urge to be a part of groups. | ||
| I do it all the time. | ||
| We all do. | ||
| We all do. | ||
| That is nature and habit, right? | ||
| Everyone wants to belong to a community. | ||
| That's why fraternities exist. | ||
| That's why when you join a gym, you start to... | ||
| You know the moment you join a gym, you start to see people repetitively that you know, and it starts off with a... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hey, what's up? | |
| That guy you see all the time, and then it's... | ||
| Hey, man, I'm... | ||
| Oh, yeah, I'm... | ||
| And then it becomes a relationship you create because it's communal. | ||
| Because, oh, we both do this thing, we both enjoy it. | ||
| I see you often, we do this thing. | ||
| We create tribes. | ||
| We love haciendas. | ||
| We like to be a part of our little tribe. | ||
| And when it gets infiltrated, you become vulnerable. | ||
| You feel like the walls are weakening. | ||
| It's almost like when the word gentrification... | ||
| Gentrification really just means A tribes area has been compromised, you know, it's like this has been this for so long when white people or people of privilege or money move into anywhere They're trying to overtake that tribe. | ||
| That's why there's so much backlash. | ||
| That's why people fucking Get so angry about neighborhoods turning over quote-unquote because they're like what can be ours? | ||
| That's it's such a fucking delicate thing because you're like You can't stop that you're never gonna stop that Well, not only that, there's a game being played, and you're a part of it because you're paying rent. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| And there's a game being played, you're a part of it when you're working. | ||
| You're getting paid for your time. | ||
| Now you have to decide what you're going to do with that time. | ||
| And you might feel very stuck in this game that you're at right now, where you're paying this guy for rent, and you're working for that guy, and he's giving you a certain amount of money, and it all kind of evens out at the end, there's nothing left over. | ||
| But you're still playing a game. | ||
| This guy's playing the game too, but he's been playing it for 35 years, and his game is I buy houses. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| And I sell them to white people. | ||
| And I'm going to keep playing that fucking game, because this is all legal, and this is why you pay me rent, stupid. | ||
| It's a fucking, we know the game. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's a fucking game. | |
| But the game is, I'm 30 years ahead of the game than you. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And, you know, I'm a 70-year-old guy with a fucking pocket protector filled with pens, and I've got a bunch of apartment buildings all over the place, and I flip those fuckers. | ||
| There's a lot of those guys out there. | ||
| Like, this gentrification thing, I know it's uncomfortable for people. | ||
| They're like, we're losing the old neighborhood. | ||
| Like, let's go back to the fucking teepees. | ||
| Let's go back to the cave. | ||
| We lost the old caves, man. | ||
| We're not the same once we moved out of the cave. | ||
| It's gonna happen. | ||
| Neighborhoods shift. | ||
| Things change. | ||
| You can't hold them back. | ||
| You can't decide, no, we want this neighborhood to stay shitty. | ||
| Or we want this neighborhood to be all Puerto Rican. | ||
| Well, listen, sometimes it doesn't work that way. | ||
| Some people die. | ||
| New people move in. | ||
| Do you really care if Swedish people move in your neighborhood? | ||
| You know, we're losing Chinatown. | ||
| What do we do? | ||
| Are you going to be okay? | ||
| Is it okay if you live here? | ||
| There's going to be change. | ||
| It's going to come and go. | ||
| You can't control it. | ||
| You can't control it based on nostalgia. | ||
| This has always been East Harlem's finest Slovakia place. | ||
| We have to keep it. | ||
| Like, no we don't. | ||
| No one has to do anything. | ||
| I do love East Harlem's famous Slovakia place, I will say. | ||
| I don't even know what that is. | ||
| It's not even a thing. | ||
| I was searching for a word. | ||
| That happens when restaurants close and people get furious. | ||
| Yeah, someone doesn't have to fucking keep the restaurant open, stupid. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Things change. | |
| I was just up in Seattle and these Costa Rican guys I started talking to at the Fremont Brewery were telling me about this great Caribbean food place up the street. | ||
| And I said, what makes it so great? | ||
| And he's like, you know, it's just a recipe. | ||
| Because the guy that used to own it was this great, this Cuban guy. | ||
| Just a brilliant chef. | ||
| And he got sued for illegal wage garnishing of these illegal employees that couldn't speak English. | ||
| So he got sued, so the city shut him the fuck down. | ||
| Some other fucking white, rich guy came in, bought the recipes from the guy to help him out with his lawsuit. | ||
| Still runs. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Just as good. | ||
| It can be done if someone does it correctly, I guess. | ||
| He bought the recipes. | ||
| The mistake, I think, when people buy a bar or buy a place, they think they're buying the place. | ||
| Nah, there's more than just the brick and mortar. | ||
| There's more to it than that. | ||
| So he knew the food success was because of the way he did it. | ||
| It's not just a Cuban restaurant or a Caribbean restaurant. | ||
| He was like, I want to do it exactly how you did it. | ||
| So he paid for him. | ||
| To give him those recipes. | ||
| Just the recipe? | ||
| Did he show him how he was cooking it too? | ||
| He paid him for the recipes and I don't know the rest of the details. | ||
| But that is to get it back to where it was. | ||
| And this dude from Costa Rica was like, still the same. | ||
| I fucking love it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| He was a couple of white guys that are back there now. | ||
| He's the same food. | ||
| It doesn't mean that I don't appreciate people that live in these neighborhoods that are being forced out. | ||
| You're going to have to get a new place to live and you can't afford it. | ||
| You can't afford to live in the neighborhood anymore because people are buying it up. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| I understand that it sucks. | ||
| But ultimately... | ||
| It's probably good for everybody. | ||
| It's definitely good for the neighborhood. | ||
| The neighborhood's going to get these nice houses now, and people are going to move in. | ||
| It's going to be more value if you did buy a place. | ||
| If you did take the risk and bought a place, that place is going to be worth more money now. | ||
| I know maybe you couldn't buy a place. | ||
| It's hard to buy a place when I get paid. | ||
| I get it, but you don't have to do that. | ||
| I know you feel like you have to do that, and you can come up with a bunch of excuses, and everybody could argue all day long about white privilege, and you're lucky, and this and that, but the bottom line is, you're not in a cage, alright? | ||
| If you're not in a cage, and you're out there doing something, you could figure out a way, maybe it's a month from now, maybe it's six months from now, to transition into something else, figure your way through the maze. | ||
| Right. | ||
| We don't all start at the same spot in the maze. | ||
| Nope. | ||
| Agreed. | ||
| Couldn't. | ||
| But, don't ever complain about your spot in the maze. | ||
| Just figure your way through that thing. | ||
| Right, you're in the maze. | ||
| Yeah, it sucks. | ||
| Definitely hard. | ||
| Not easy. | ||
| Keep moving. | ||
| Keep moving. | ||
| Don't jam this up with your tears, you fuck. | ||
| Keep moving! | ||
|
unidentified
|
You don't understand capitalism, and that's why I'm a socialist. | |
| Okay? | ||
| Just keep moving, though. | ||
| You're just talking too much. | ||
| You're not moving enough. | ||
| Go do it. | ||
| Yeah, there's not enough happening here. | ||
| There's complaining about other things happening. | ||
| I get it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I get it. | |
| It's not good. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The climate change agreement is a terrible thing to leave. | |
| It's a bad thing to leave. | ||
| His own daughter told him not to leave. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But I never liked croissants, so we gotta get out of Paris. | |
| She did. | ||
| His own daughter was like, this is a bad idea. | ||
| This guy's crazy. | ||
| He's going against science. | ||
| He is perfectly out of his fucking mind. | ||
| He's going against science. | ||
| Like, the scientists are saying, hey, we've gotta reduce emissions. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| We're polluting the air we breathe. | ||
| We're ruining the very air that we need to exist on. | ||
| Yep. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Not true. | ||
| Don't agree. | ||
| Fake news. | ||
| We bought new air. | ||
| There's so much air. | ||
| Have you ever seen how much air there is? | ||
| Maybe he's doing this because he's about to move into position to use one of those gigantic building-sized air filter things. | ||
| Maybe he's going to have a Trump air filter and set them up in every city. | ||
| You could all go back and buy diesel trucks and no one's going to care anymore. | ||
| We're going to clean that air nice. | ||
| It's kind of like Idiocracy. | ||
| Did you ever see that movie? | ||
| So ahead of its time, man. | ||
| I never saw that movie. | ||
| Dude, it was that kind of thing where the future is like, they don't drink water anymore. | ||
| They'd be convinced by this, this like Gatorade type drink where it's like, this is better than water. | ||
| And people are like, it's gotta be. | ||
| So everyone fucking drinks it. | ||
| That makes sense. | ||
| They're like, it's better than water. | ||
| If you can convince enough people what it is, people will get on board. | ||
| Blind faith. | ||
| I'm trying to talk about that on stage right now, about blind. | ||
| We have so much blind faith. | ||
| Like, I went to the gas station to get this thing. | ||
| I ate a brownie. | ||
| It was like a protein-packed brownie or whatever. | ||
| I just trusted that that's all real. | ||
| I don't fucking know. | ||
| It's probably just a bullshit ass brownie, but it's like packed with protein. | ||
| Yeah, if you actually got the real statistics on it. | ||
| Yeah, it's probably bullshit. | ||
| Yeah, there it is. | ||
| It's got what plants craved. | ||
| It's got electrolytes. | ||
| It was brilliant. | ||
| What was the name of the stuff? | ||
| What was it called? | ||
| Did it say what it was called? | ||
| The juice. | ||
| It was like, but it looked like Gatorade. | ||
| It was like, they were watering their plants with it and shit. | ||
| Nothing was alive anymore. | ||
| But out of the sink would come this fucking Gatorade type looking drink. | ||
| Brondo. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| Brondo! | ||
| The thirst mutilator. | ||
| Fuck your thirst! | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| I need to watch that movie. | ||
| Click on that picture all the way over. | ||
| Down at the left. | ||
| That one. | ||
| Yeah, look at that. | ||
| That's what the world has become. | ||
| That makes sense. | ||
| You see the size of that Costco? | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| That could happen. | ||
| Totally. | ||
| That's all totally possible. | ||
| Have you been watching this Handmaid's Tale? | ||
| No, what is that? | ||
| No? | ||
| Do you know about this? | ||
| What is it? | ||
| On Hulu, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What is it? | |
| There's a book written, I want to say 20 years ago. | ||
| Elizabeth Moss is a star of it. | ||
| It's essentially about if World War III broke out and we became like an ultimate police state and there was like a sub-government that took over and we went back to essentially biblical times when women who were fertile We're used for the rich as handmaids for making babies. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| Dude, it's fucking trippy as shit. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| You gotta watch it, bro. | ||
| So it's based on modern time? | ||
| Yes, it takes place in modern time. | ||
| As if World War III broke out. | ||
| I don't want to give you too many details, but then we're under a police state. | ||
| So these handmaids, these fertile women who are of lower socioeconomic status, they must wear these things and abide by their masters, which are the wealthy one percenters of the world who own these fertile women because their wives are infertile. | ||
| So they must repopulate this new community. | ||
| Dude, it's fucking right up your alley. | ||
| It's insanely good. | ||
| But it was a book that was written... | ||
| Meanwhile, that's a total possibility. | ||
| Well, that's why dude's getting so much love. | ||
| In fact, some of the parallels in the show of what's going on in society now and some of the commentary, because this was shot prior to the election, it's so specific. | ||
| I mean, that's why people are falling in love with it, because they're like, this is creepily real. | ||
| Like, it's almost... | ||
| You know, I think with what... | ||
| Especially from a... | ||
| For what I've heard from women's perspective, you know, like... | ||
| Taking... | ||
| The fear of women's rights being removed... | ||
| As far as things like Planned Parenthood or what have you, the choices of your own fucking body, I think there's so much echoed in this show that it feels creepily real. | ||
| Where it's like, you could one day just go, like they do in one of the scenes, without giving anything away. | ||
| It's like, all the women are fired today. | ||
| Well, you know that Iran of today is nothing like Iran of the 1960s? | ||
| No. | ||
| Have you ever seen the difference between Iran then and now? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| They became when, I think when it was... | ||
| When the Ayatollah took over, because the Ayatollah was a religious figure, and he took over and changed the country. | ||
| I'm terrible with Iranian history, so if you're listening to this and you're upset that I'm getting it wrong. | ||
| So many Iranians are fucking pissed. | ||
| Essentially, they used to dress like much more free. | ||
| Yeah, look at that. | ||
| It was like much more westernized. | ||
| It was like the 70s. | ||
| It looked like the 70s. | ||
| Yeah, it looked like 70s in the United States. | ||
| I mean, and then shit changed. | ||
| And now, if you go there today, I mean, look, the Middle East is the shining example of what is possible in 2017 as far as suppression of women. | ||
| Look at how low-cut her shirt is there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hot! | |
| I mean, you're dead if you'd wear that now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ooh! | |
| Big ol' titties, too. | ||
| Chaka-chaka-chaka. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That'd be it, right? | ||
| She'd be fucking slain for that. | ||
| Now they have to cover their head. | ||
| I mean, they have, like, religious scarf laws. | ||
| And, you know, what's really crazy is they're better than, like, Saudi Arabia. | ||
| I mean, Saudi Arabia is what you can and can't do today. | ||
| I mean, you're essentially, like, a second-class citizen if you're a woman. | ||
| Below. | ||
| I don't think there's... | ||
| Are they allowed to drive now? | ||
| Are they changing that? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I know there's some people that are trying to change that. | ||
| There's some people that are progressive over there that are trying to change that. | ||
| I think they're straight property, man. | ||
| They view them as straight numbers. | ||
| The idea you have to keep your head covered. | ||
| You have to wear those robes and the garb. | ||
| And then there's women that are trying to say that that's a source of empowerment. | ||
| There's a bunch of crazy people out there. | ||
| Just like there was always Uncle Toms during the Civil Rights Movement. | ||
| And just like people are just... | ||
| There's always going to be black guys for Trump. | ||
| There's always contrarians. | ||
| And you're like, really? | ||
| Yeah, there's always there's gonna be women that say that wearing the, how do you say it? | ||
| Hijab? | ||
| Hijab, I think. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hijab. | |
| Yeah, hijab. | ||
| That's uh, it's empowering for women. | ||
| The fuck it is, you have to wear it. | ||
| It's a religious symbol of oppression. | ||
| How could you, how could you, I understand being born into something and not knowing any other way. | ||
| I do understand that. | ||
| I get it too. | ||
| Right, but at the same time. | ||
| Or born into it and being convinced that this is the way that it should be. | ||
| Sure, but when you see freedom. | ||
| Of the world. | ||
| When you see the freedom of the world, that we're all born fucking naked and free to be these things. | ||
| I don't know why there isn't a little bit more of a clique that goes, why do these women in other places have more freedom? | ||
| Because the goal of any sort of religious fucking constriction is questioning, right? | ||
| So if you question it, you're automatically fucked. | ||
| But if you question it enough where you research and you look and you find out and you learn, I would assume you would become enchanted with the idea of being free, of just wanting to not have... | ||
| Someone fucking tell you where you can walk, what you can do. | ||
| That makes sense, but when you connect an ideology with God and with the idea of the divine, that's the ultimate reason to stick around. | ||
| At the end of the day, it's clothes. | ||
| Clothes are made by people. | ||
| If you're telling me that God is saying that you have to wear some kind of clothes and not other kind of clothes, I'm calling bullshit. | ||
| Yeah, who's the people? | ||
| You're not talking to God. | ||
| He's never talked to you and told you to wear that. | ||
| This is crazy. | ||
| And when you have an ideology where you're trapped into dressing a certain way or wearing certain clothes or wearing a certain emblem or some sort of a symbol, you're trapped by the mind of a human being. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That is the mind of a human being. | ||
| They've created a pattern that they want you to not deviate from whatsoever. | ||
| I want you to walk around like this. | ||
| We're going to cover this. | ||
| And you're gonna wear these and maybe have one of those on your neck and maybe a certain amount of beads that symbolizes you're single or you're not. | ||
| Bullshit. | ||
| This is by a person. | ||
| This is some cult shit. | ||
| It's a guy in a room. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| It has nothing to do with God. | ||
| You would be serving God more to be free and naked. | ||
| God created you if God is real. | ||
| But naked. | ||
| We didn't make clothes. | ||
| God doesn't have any stock in Levi's. | ||
| God's not making burkas. | ||
| God would like you to be naked, if that's real. | ||
| If God just lets you wear whatever the fuck you want, because it's all there for humans to wear. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Like, if people are making clothes, they're making clothes for people, they should be able to wear whatever the fuck they want. | ||
| If I was God, I would say, yeah, that makes sense. | ||
| Where would you like? | ||
| Stay warm. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| Don't die, I guess. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| God wants you to cover your hair? | ||
| Why? | ||
| This is nonsense. | ||
| This is people talk. | ||
| Someone said that. | ||
| A person said it. | ||
| We believe in it. | ||
| Well, the priest must dress like a wizard. | ||
| Why? | ||
| Why does he have to dress like that? | ||
| No one dresses like the Pope anymore. | ||
| Why does the Pope dress like the Pope? | ||
| Get the fucking suit off! | ||
| Someone loved wizardry so much, they were like, we gotta fucking keep that. | ||
| We gotta keep somebody in that. | ||
| I used to always think that when I was a kid and I'd have to go to church. | ||
| I'm like, why does he have to wear that stupid fucking collar? | ||
| So, so, so silly to me. | ||
| What is that collar? | ||
| He has to wear that collar so I know that he's real? | ||
| I'm the one. | ||
| Oh, he's got the thing on. | ||
| He's got the priest collar. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Look at that Pope. | ||
| He's got wings, like he's in a fucking video. | ||
| An MTV video in the 80s. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| That one's sponsored by Red Bull. | ||
| Is that blowing in the wind? | ||
| Is that what it is? | ||
| That's the answer, my friend. | ||
| That's his wings. | ||
| It's blowing in the wind. | ||
| It's blowing in the wind. | ||
| Catholicism was one of the, and this is what I was raised in, sort of. | ||
| Look, there's a wizard hat, Joe, just for you. | ||
| Look above. | ||
| It's my favorite. | ||
| There you go. | ||
| That's so funny. | ||
| And why is that any more outrageous than that fucking thing that he actually did wear? | ||
| It's the same shit, yeah. | ||
| That's even more weird. | ||
| Look at that, the giant crucifix. | ||
| Look at his fucking hat! | ||
| Oh my god, they're so silly. | ||
| They're the silliest people. | ||
| The fact that anybody says, yeah, yeah, yeah, that guy's- keep that picture up there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Don't change that. | |
| Look at how heavy that clothes look. | ||
| Just go full screen with that. | ||
| What in the fuck are we looking at here? | ||
| This guy's got a three foot tall hat on and it's all gold and studded and ornate. | ||
| Like, wouldn't you think that God would want you to be humble? | ||
| If you're a servant of God, are you really supposed to be covered in gold? | ||
| Look at his gold fucking pimp ring. | ||
| Like, I represent God with my nugget ring. | ||
| Look at that nugget. | ||
| Kiss it! | ||
| This is a Persian rug draped around his shoulders. | ||
| This fucking elaborate work on that robe thing that he's got on. | ||
| It's so preposterous. | ||
| The idea that God would want you to dress like that. | ||
| You know what I always think of when I see big elaborate things like this? | ||
| At the end of the day, he's got to take that off to take a shit. | ||
| And it's so sad to take that off and drape it on the ground. | ||
| Or he stacks it on his lower back. | ||
| Like it's a wedding dress? | ||
| When he goes to wipe, he does a terrible job of cleaning up so the bottom of it has a little shit stain on it. | ||
| But he's still the Pope, so he's bringing it up to the sink, and he's trying to wash it in the sink, and it's just sort of wet and brown. | ||
| He's trying to get that little shit streak out of the bottom of his thing. | ||
| We call him the Pooh Pope, but don't say that. | ||
| You're being disrespectful to my beliefs. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You're disrespectful. | |
| Yes. | ||
| If this is what you believe, if you believe this guy is the fucking guy who's talking for God, come on, man. | ||
| I'm not saying there's no God when I'm saying we have to be very wary of people. | ||
| They're just people. | ||
| And cults. | ||
| And people and the patterns of thinking and behaving that they want you to engage in. | ||
| This is what we're looking at here. | ||
| There's two people holding this guy's fucking coat. | ||
| These two guys who are dressed like gay matadors. | ||
| Like giant gold-encrusted gay matadors. | ||
| And they're holding on to his cape. | ||
| They're fighting the devil. | ||
| And they're walking with him as he walks around with his giant staff of magic. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Staff. | |
| He's got a wizard's wand. | ||
| It's a goddamn Gandalf wand. | ||
| He's dressed like a wizard and he's got a staff. | ||
| Like, why isn't that glowing? | ||
| Why isn't there a lightning bolt going from that up into the storm clouds? | ||
| That looks like the level of cape bitch is way above the other guys. | ||
| Like, that's a graduation for them. | ||
| To be cape bitch is real big. | ||
| That's a big deal. | ||
| Cape bitch is a huge position. | ||
| Look at these guys. | ||
| These two cape bitches. | ||
| The guy on the left is probably annoying as fuck. | ||
| I bet he tells a lot of long stories. | ||
| When he gets the Pope alone, he's like, you know, I just wanted to tell you about my cousin and his belief in the Lord. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And, you know, I think right now he's not getting along too good. | |
| Is this the first pope that's okay with gay marriage? | ||
| Isn't that what he said? | ||
| Yeah, he's gotta say that. | ||
| He's the first one that was like, whatever. | ||
| He tossed out the throne, too. | ||
| He's got a normal chair. | ||
| Does he? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| That's kind of cool. | ||
| It is kind of cool. | ||
| But I think that was probably a joint effort. | ||
| They're like, look. | ||
| It was a PC move. | ||
| It was a politically fucking correct move. | ||
| See these doors behind me? | ||
| There's a thousand kids back there waiting to suck your dick. | ||
| Okay, we gotta make this right, though. | ||
| We gotta clean up the image. | ||
| We're still gonna do plenty of kid fucking. | ||
| What if you saw the Pope threw away his chair and got one of those medicine balls to sit on? | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| He had standing desks and shit. | ||
| He started getting into corporate America. | ||
| What are you showing me here, Jamie? | ||
| The Popemobile, the new one. | ||
| Yeah, the Popemobile. | ||
| The new one doesn't have bulletproof glass anymore. | ||
| The last Pope was like, I know they want to kill me. | ||
| I'm hiding. | ||
| Look at that, they don't even need glass to go all the way up because his back arches over so much. | ||
| He doesn't sit up straight, so they don't need high glass. | ||
| It's like a child window. | ||
| I wonder if that is different colors of glass because I would imagine you want to keep the headshots from coming down from the roof. | ||
| Totally. | ||
| I mean, if someone's going to shoot that dude. | ||
| But this guy doesn't even think anybody's going to shoot him. | ||
| And he's like, if someone wants to shoot me, they'll fucking shoot me. | ||
| Do it. | ||
| It's done. | ||
| Yeah, he's exposed. | ||
| Is it a Benz? | ||
| It's a Benzo, huh? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, you know, God always said he loved Mercedes more. | ||
| Baby Jesus loves a Jeep wagon, kid. | ||
| Like, the other old ones are Ben's, too. | ||
| The old bulletproof one. | ||
| I bequeath my son a Mercedes Benz. | ||
| Boy, there's nothing that says faith like driving around in a bulletproof fish tank. | ||
| Right? | ||
| I mean, that just shows you you really have a belief that God has a plan. | ||
| Can run flat, half-inch thick steel plate, lightweight Kevlar armor. | ||
| God damn it. | ||
| Three-inch composite plastic glass with an explosive. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| It's five tons. | ||
| That's a 10,000-pound truck. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| 15 miles a gallon? | ||
| That's very efficient. | ||
| Yeah, that is really efficient. | ||
| Zero to 66 seconds? | ||
| What? | ||
| That's quick, dude. | ||
| Wait a minute. | ||
| How's that even possible? | ||
| That's bullshit. | ||
| Get that fucking thing on Top Gear. | ||
| Run a stop sign, a stopwatch with that. | ||
| There's no way that gets zero to 60 in six seconds. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We're going to race the Popemobile versus the King of Saudi Arabia's mobile. | |
| That's hilarious! | ||
| Dude, you sound like the guy from... | ||
| Not Top Gear, it's like Fifth Gear or something like that? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Is that it? | ||
| The other one? | ||
| Yeah, what's the other one? | ||
| That's why. | ||
| You sound just like him. | ||
| That's creepy. | ||
| The Popemobile. | ||
| Something I like about British car analysts. | ||
| Oh, dude, me so much. | ||
| Well, they take the piss out of everything. | ||
| I like how it's self-deprecating there. | ||
| When they shit on cars, it's my favorite. | ||
| Jeremy Clarkson's the best. | ||
| Dude, it's hilarious. | ||
| The way he shits on things is so much fun. | ||
| And I just like to see fucking friends dump on each other on TV. Yeah. | ||
| I think that's fun to watch people dump on each other. | ||
| Well, especially in this day and age, it would be considered bullying. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They're bullying their friend. | ||
| It's really rude to pick on him like that. | ||
| Yeah, they just go after each other constantly. | ||
| It's fun. | ||
| It's a fun show, man. | ||
| Yeah, they have a beer afterwards. | ||
| Oh, for sure. | ||
| It's fine. | ||
| It's fucking fine. | ||
| Well, they were playing characters. | ||
| Like, James May would be Captain Slow. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| I love that shit. | ||
| They fucked up when they canceled that show. | ||
| Jeremy Clarkson punched some producer and they canceled the show and fired him. | ||
| If he even knocked out a tooth or some shit like that. | ||
| Well, he's drunk. | ||
| That's what happens. | ||
| You want to hang out with a big, crazy drunk dude? | ||
| You want to talk shit? | ||
| Don't talk shit. | ||
| Talk shit, get hit. | ||
| You guys are all drinking. | ||
| That's how it goes down. | ||
| You guys had a bar fight. | ||
| That's the most normal thing happened. | ||
| And he apologized afterwards. | ||
| And the other guy accepted it. | ||
| It's just, they fucked up. | ||
| Yeah, why can't that be the end of it? | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| And they have a new one they're doing now, and Matt LeBlanc from Friends is on it. | ||
| No. | ||
| Is he a big car guy? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| He's a giant car guy. | ||
| And he's a nice guy. | ||
| Yeah, I don't know anything about him, but I didn't know that. | ||
| Comes off like a good car guy. | ||
| It's not that he's bad. | ||
| It's just that, god damn, Jeremy Clarkson is a fucking... | ||
| Icon. | ||
| Yeah, he's a maniac, man. | ||
| Icon. | ||
| But Matt LeBlanc, is he a car collector? | ||
| Does he have his own car? | ||
| He loves cars. | ||
| I don't know to what extent, but he definitely loves cars. | ||
| He knows how to drive, too. | ||
| He drives on the show. | ||
| He's driving a Porsche 911 R. He can rip it. | ||
| He knows what he's doing. | ||
| That's good. | ||
| Yeah, he can drive. | ||
| So he must have some experience, some real track time experience. | ||
| But the guy, Chris Harris, who's on it, he's been on the podcast before. | ||
| That guy, he's my favorite. | ||
| Out of all the guys out there that are reviewing cars now, and he knows so much about them. | ||
| He really understands the geometry and the physics behind it, like the suspension. | ||
| He can tell you what they've changed, what they've improved, what it feels like, and what's being lost in this. | ||
| That's always impressive to me to have a bevy of knowledge like that. | ||
| My dad's worked in the automotive aftermarket industry for so long. | ||
| My stepdad was my dad. | ||
| What does he do? | ||
| Dude, for years and years, he worked for the ever-famous Turtle Wax Car Wash. | ||
| He was the president of sales for Turtle Wax. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| He used to sell Turtle Wax. | ||
| The gold standard. | ||
| The gold standard, dude. | ||
| And now he works... | ||
| But the turtle fired him. | ||
| The shell fired him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck. | |
| Fuck them. | ||
| And then he works for this company called Haynes, who's out of Britain. | ||
| And they are one of the last remaining companies that makes... | ||
| Zero A to Z manuals on hand building vehicles. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| So if you want to hand build kit cars or you want to literally build a car from fucking scratch, most of their sales go to like mechanics, auto body shops, but they're also, they own the rights to fictional, how do I say this? | ||
| They own the rights to fictional mechanics, fictional mechanisms that in our film world are real. | ||
| Like the fucking Millennium Falcon, they own the rights to how to build a Millennium Falcon from scratch. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| And they sell that manual. | ||
| That's a real fucking manual you can buy. | ||
| Isn't that fucking crazy? | ||
| That is crazy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They have that for a bunch of cars. | ||
| Kit cars are pretty wild. | ||
| Dude, kit cars I was always fascinated with. | ||
| My buddy's dad used to build MGs all the time and let us fuck around in them, and I was fascinated with MGs because he loved them. | ||
| There's this dope English kit car that was for sale Really recently. | ||
| And you would buy it, and then once you got it over here, then you had to put an engine in it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But they would sell it to you with no engine. | ||
| Right, you build it first and they drop it in there. | ||
| Yeah, but it wasn't that. | ||
| It wasn't a total kit car, like you start from scratch, you attach the suspension. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It wasn't that. | ||
| It was like they would sell it to you as a car with no engine. | ||
| And then you would have to put the engine in. | ||
| It's a dope... | ||
| That's a trick. | ||
| God, the name is like, it's right there. | ||
| But there's only so many blocks that could fit in that framework, right? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| You would get like a parameter, you know, like a V8 LS1 or something like that and try to put it in there. | ||
| God damn it. | ||
| Noble. | ||
| Noble. | ||
| That's what it's called. | ||
| Noble car? | ||
| It's called a Noble. | ||
| That's dope. | ||
| It's a dope looking car, man. | ||
| And guys, I think they're just, you know, you'd only have a certain amount of horsepower it could take. | ||
| But I didn't think, I don't think it had the drivetrain either. | ||
| I think you had to add the drivetrain as well. | ||
| I think essentially it was just a frame and the doors and all that shit. | ||
| It must have just been... | ||
| Parts from other third-party car manufacturers, and they got whatever parts they could, put them together, you built that, and then the engine is what, from anywhere at all? | ||
| I think. | ||
| You'd have to just know how to do it. | ||
| I mean, there's a whole market now where they buy engines, and then they put them in older cars. | ||
| So they'll buy, like, one of the big companies that does it is a company called Icon, and... | ||
| What they do is they take like a 69 Bronco and they strip it down. | ||
| They put the car back together again with a modern suspension. | ||
| Then they take a 2017 Ford Mustang engine and put it in the Bronco. | ||
| And drop it in? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| So they put totally modern brakes, totally modern suspension, Bronco engine. | ||
| But the Bronco engine's a 2017 Ford GT. It's called a Coyote motor. | ||
| It's a really high-end, high-tech motor. | ||
| It's a really nice motor. | ||
| So you have, like, this old-school car. | ||
| So they have, like, kits, like, they do that with LS1s or LS engines. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I've heard that. | |
| Maybe you and I talked about this. | ||
| Someone was saying that they were taking classic, Ford might have been doing this themselves, where they take classic Mustangs and put new Mustang engines in old classic Mustang bodies. | ||
| No, we were talking about that. | ||
| You and I were talking about that. | ||
| There's a guy who's got a page on Instagram where he did it, and I think it's called GT500 Super Swap. | ||
| So he's got a... | ||
| Someone had a Shelby. | ||
| Shelby GT500 from 2012, and he put that body... | ||
| Of a 1969 car over the 2012 car. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| So it's the best of both worlds. | ||
| That's it right there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| It is so beautiful. | ||
| It's so beautiful. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| So this guy nailed it. | ||
| But he's only done one car. | ||
| I thought he was doing it. | ||
| I thought there was a company that was doing it. | ||
| But apparently it's just this one dude who's done this. | ||
| What does that run for? | ||
| Did it say what he's selling those for? | ||
| I don't think he's selling it. | ||
| No, he just wants to fucking show you how dope his shit is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I think he just did it once. | |
| He should sell the fuck out of that thing. | ||
| He should sell the fuck out of that. | ||
| Look, I had a 2012 GT500. There it is. | ||
| It was a great car. | ||
| That's another one, though. | ||
| That's a different color. | ||
| Oh, it's a different car. | ||
| Oh, look at that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Helping a friend sell a 68 Mustang 33K. Ooh, that's a beautiful car. | |
| 33,000 miles is nothing. | ||
| That is nothing. | ||
| That's a beautiful car. | ||
| God, those things were classic. | ||
| Those 1960s Mustangs are some of the most beautiful shapes ever. | ||
| And to take that and put a... | ||
| I think 2012 the GT500 packed 550 horsepower. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Almost 600. Isn't that crazy that this won't be in the future? | ||
| That, like, in the future, like, no one's gonna have... | ||
| A lot of these current cars now are just gonna go by the wayside. | ||
| Like, there's only so many cars that will stick around as classics from the, you know, early 2000s era. | ||
| Yeah, there's not gonna be any, like, driving yourself in 100 years. | ||
| No, it's over. | ||
| Like, that idea is fucking... | ||
| It's dead. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's gone. | |
| That's a Noble. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| That's it right there. | ||
| Isn't that a dope car? | ||
| It has a Ferrari body a little bit, right? | ||
| Kind of. | ||
| Sort of, like... | ||
| Like an old, um, more like, what is the car I'm thinking of? | ||
| The Lotus front used to look like that. | ||
| Yeah, the Lotus front used to look like that. | ||
| Yeah, that's right. | ||
| Like the cool Lotuses of like, wow, look at that. | ||
| Oh, that's a newer one, huh? | ||
| Wow, that's fucking tight. | ||
| That's a digital image. | ||
| We can't hear you, you know. | ||
| Sorry, their website's pretty cool. | ||
| Where does it say? | ||
| Italy, right? | ||
| Is that what they're out of? | ||
| England. | ||
| Oh, British. | ||
| I think they don't have airbags, or they didn't have airbags. | ||
| Yeah, because if you're going 180, fuck it. | ||
| That doesn't look like an airbag to me. | ||
| It just looks like a steering wheel. | ||
| You die, you die, I guess. | ||
| Yeah, I think that's too complicated. | ||
| Yeah, fuck it. | ||
| Fuck that airbag thing. | ||
| I would want to find out, like... | ||
| No, that looks like it might have one. | ||
| Actually, it might have an airbag. | ||
| No, that's a horn, bro. | ||
| No, it's a horn. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, fuck it. | |
| It's just a horn. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| I think that was the problem. | ||
| I think they hadn't gone through all of the FCC... What is it? | ||
| What would be the... | ||
| What is the name of that? | ||
| No, I can't think. | ||
| The IHSA Safety Motor... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Is that it? | |
| Yeah, IHSA, yeah. | ||
| That thing's fucking really sexy looking, man. | ||
| It's a dope looking car. | ||
| That's all that carbon fiber in there. | ||
| God, those seats look amazing. | ||
| But see, that e-brake is up, but it doesn't look like it's stick. | ||
| That's just what you put in your asshole. | ||
| Oh, that's where you get fucked? | ||
| Oh, when you... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| Is there one in the front, too? | ||
| Can you suck one while you fuck one? | ||
| No, no, you can't be greedy. | ||
| That wouldn't be noble. | ||
| Look at the inside of that thing. | ||
| God, it's beautiful. | ||
| See, that's all push button. | ||
| There is no fucking stick in there at all. | ||
| Yeah, there's no manual transmission. | ||
| That's what they're all using now, those exotic Italian cars and everything. | ||
| Everything is paddle shifts now. | ||
| I know. | ||
| Well, look at this. | ||
| Did you see this? | ||
| I had this. | ||
| This was for a thing. | ||
| Hold on, let me show you. | ||
| I'm really bummed out the new NSX. Look at that fun thing, huh? | ||
| I rented that for the shoot that we were doing. | ||
| Oh, that's beautiful. | ||
| That's the old Magnum PI Ferrari, man. | ||
| No, that's a couple years later. | ||
| Yeah, it was. | ||
| That's a 355 GT, right? | ||
| Yeah, it's a similar design, though. | ||
| John Lovitz had one of those. | ||
| I drove that once. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Dude, so fun. | |
| John Levitz made me drive his car. | ||
| That year of Ferrari, or well, not just that year, but I mean, that was when Ferrari's one was down. | ||
| You know, Ferrari's one is down. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Instead of up, reverse is up, but one is down, two, three, four, five. | ||
| But that thing was so much fucking fun. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| I forgot that they had it backwards. | ||
| Yeah, it was backwards. | ||
| 1995 was, I think, the year of that Ferrari. | ||
| Somebody wrote Pontiac Fiero. | ||
| Dope Pontiac Fiero. | ||
| Do you remember when they used to have those kit cards? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, man. | |
| When they would take a Pontiac Fiero and put Ferrari bodies on the outside, like a fake Ferrari body. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's pretty great, man. | ||
| So much work. | ||
| Somebody just showed me... | ||
| I forgot about Lamborghini Countach, and it was like their something year anniversary, and they just are re-releasing the Countaches. | ||
| Do you remember those cars? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Dude, that was... | ||
| I remember thinking that that was the only car that I ever thought was worthy of any amount of money that it was worth. | ||
| I was like, that's the fuck... | ||
| Any dime that thing is fucking worth, I wouldn't buy that fucking thing. | ||
| Do you remember that Sylvester Stallone... | ||
| It was such a fucking cool car. | ||
| Rocky drove that car in Rocky IV when he was going through a fucking real hard time, trading for this Russian! | ||
| And so he had, like, there's a crazy scene. | ||
| Look at this! | ||
| Look at this! | ||
| A handsome bastard with his boxing shoes on. | ||
| He's got boxing shoes on. | ||
| Hilarious. | ||
| That's the Countach, baby. | ||
| He was a beautiful man back then. | ||
| But there's a, like, it's literally a music video where they play where he's in the car and the music starts playing. | ||
| Yeah, when he's cruising. | ||
| And he's driving. | ||
| It's so corny. | ||
| It's so cheesy. | ||
| Yeah, give me no easy way out. | ||
| Give me some volume on this. | ||
| This is so terrible! | ||
| The people at home can hear this or no? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Southpaw, look how dope that plate was. | |
| So he's driving around and he's thinking of Dolph Lundgren kicking his ass while he's driving around. | ||
| And he's in his Lamborghinis. | ||
| He's so cool. | ||
| He leaves his mansion. | ||
| It's so silly. | ||
| Oh, dude. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's the fucking man. | |
| Look, it's so silly! | ||
| No smiles at all. | ||
| Not happy, not excited about it. | ||
| Yeah, I took a deep breath. | ||
| I got my tie on. | ||
| I'm sophisticated now. | ||
| I just gotta think about where my life is going. | ||
| The best part about it is, to do this movie, or to do this fight, he had to go to old school methods and move to the fucking woods and he was carrying logs around and running in the snow. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Chopping down fucking trees, dude. | ||
| That's how you get in shape. | ||
| Fucking A, man shit. | ||
| Man shit. | ||
| Out in the woods. | ||
| Adrian, I gotta leave you alone! | ||
| I gotta go out here in the wilderness! | ||
| Gotta go out here and chop some wood. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I gotta chop wood, then I'm gonna fuck you, and then I'm gonna go whoop ass. | |
| I'm gonna carry a log through this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No! | |
| Oh, shut this off before I die. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| I can't do it anymore. | ||
| Those movies are great, though. | ||
| Dude, so fucking great. | ||
| A window into time. | ||
| And a return when it was okay to be ridiculous in film. | ||
| Oh, yeah, man. | ||
| Now everything gets checked and balanced so much that everything has to be proven by the studio. | ||
| Back then, that was an idea. | ||
| I'm sure he was like, what if I'm driving around thinking about the fight? | ||
| Make a music video! | ||
| And they're like, great. | ||
| We got an extra hundred grand to burn this week. | ||
| Let's fucking do it. | ||
| I'm thinking we have a time lapse of all the shitty moments of my life. | ||
| All the things where it didn't work out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Can you guys show the first time a family member died? | |
| How about we go back to the first time I ever kissed Adrian? | ||
| Adrian? | ||
| Okay, yeah, Rock, we have some of our own scenes planned. | ||
| Mm-mm. | ||
| Fuck that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck that. | |
| I know my people. | ||
| He does, though. | ||
| I mean, he's still cranking out action movies. | ||
| He's kicking people's asses, and he's in his 70s. | ||
| Dude, can I tell you the one? | ||
| I did a fucking benefit. | ||
| I did, like, the stand-up at a benefit for Tom Arnold for this thing, this charity he runs, and Sly was there because they've known each other for years, and as I got off stage, I walked past him, and I didn't want to, like, you know, I didn't want to be like, hey, and fucking call attention, but as I walked by, he goes, very, very good. | ||
| I was like, that's fucking awesome! | ||
| I was like, that's enough for me, dude. | ||
| Very, very good. | ||
| I interviewed him once for the UFC. There was, uh, something was going on. | ||
| He was, uh, some movie was coming out. | ||
| I forget what movie it was, but he wanted, he was fun! | ||
| He was easy, didn't take him seriously. | ||
| Was it The Expendables or whatever that is? | ||
| I don't remember. | ||
| I don't think it was. | ||
| He's the fucking man. | ||
| I think it was another movie. | ||
| I forget what movie it was. | ||
| But, uh, he was super, like, self-deprecating and easy to get along with. | ||
| That's how you stay fucking on earth, man. | ||
| He said something about his mom and someone yelled something out. | ||
| Someone cackled him, yelled something out. | ||
| He goes, oh, there's my mom. | ||
| She's up there. | ||
| She's quick. | ||
| But he was a genuinely nice guy. | ||
| Just friendly. | ||
| Easy going. | ||
| One of the biggest movie stars in the world. | ||
| In the world. | ||
| But was like, hey, what's up? | ||
| What's up? | ||
| How you doing? | ||
| It was pretty cool. | ||
| I liked it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It was nice. | |
| That's what we were saying before we jumped on. | ||
| The level of what fame means to be an international movie star now has changed so much. | ||
| I was in Japan, and I'm in Japan, and I bring up my Instagram because these young Japanese kids are wanting to see my social media. | ||
| And he sees the blue checkmark of the verified shit. | ||
| And he's like, famous? | ||
| Famous? | ||
| And I'm like, no, no, no, no, no. | ||
| Dude, no, no, no. | ||
| I was like, they give that to any fucking asshole now. | ||
| And they're all like laughing because they're like, what do you do? | ||
| And I'm like, uh, comedian. | ||
| Comedian. | ||
| And their faces were kind of like, comedian. | ||
| And one guy goes, Will Smith? | ||
| And I go, yeah, Will Smith. | ||
| That's exactly... | ||
| That's exactly right. | ||
| Fresh Prince! | ||
| That's the level of... | ||
| When you say what's famous around the world, you're like... | ||
| Sly. | ||
| When you say who was a famous... | ||
| I don't know if we have... | ||
| I don't know if the rest of the world knows as many of our stars as they used to. | ||
| It used to be you were an international star and that's what made you a megastar. | ||
| Now it's kind of like you can be famous here... | ||
| In film, and not really be known at all over there. | ||
| I mean, you could then, but there was so... | ||
| I feel like we were pumping out international stars at one point. | ||
| There were, like, just a bevy of international action stars. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| That just became, in that era of Schwarzenegger, Sly, even, like, we were talking about Jean-Claude Van Damme before this, Seagal, like, all these, like... | ||
| Willis, like all these mega international superstars because the action movies were so big. | ||
| Now we've put that into fantasy film. | ||
| So now it's Guardians of the Galaxy. | ||
| Now it's any superhero movie. | ||
| That's become it. | ||
| But I miss the world of like, why can't we have an action movie that isn't a comic book? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hmm. | |
| Where does that go? | ||
| Yeah, we would need, it would have to be like... | ||
| Someone you'd have to be The Rock. | ||
| But he could do it. | ||
| He could do it. | ||
| But why doesn't it exist? | ||
| Maybe people don't want those movies anymore. | ||
| Fuck, why not? | ||
| They have to have some sort of a metric they're judging this from, right? | ||
| Like when they're making these movies, are they? | ||
| I think it's because they made a couple of action hero movies. | ||
| I mean, they made a couple of comic book films and they did so fucking well that now we have a bevy of them because they know that there's such a big market for it. | ||
| But I can't imagine you wouldn't want to see another... | ||
| Die Hard type dude. | ||
| Yeah, why the fuck not? | ||
| Why haven't they redone Die Hard? | ||
|
unidentified
|
They did. | |
| They did? | ||
| See, there you go. | ||
| Who did they redo Die Hard with? | ||
| When did they? | ||
|
unidentified
|
They didn't redo it, they just kept, they're still doing it. | |
| Oh, it's being done right now? | ||
| Yeah, I think they're even making another one right now. | ||
| Who's the Die Hard guy? | ||
| It's still Bruce Willis. | ||
| Get the fuck out of here. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Shut up. | |
| Bruce Willis has not kept himself up. | ||
| He looks like he'd throw a punch, his shoulder would blow out. | ||
| Fuckin' hell. | ||
| That really hurts. | ||
| I mean, unless he's been working out since I last checked. | ||
| 2013, and then it says future right here. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Let's see. | |
| Oh, they started it in 2013? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, that's the last one that came out. | |
| Did they try to do a TV show? | ||
| Is that what it was? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Wait a minute. | ||
| I thought I read they were making another one recently. | ||
| There was a Die Hard in 2013? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| With Justin Long, I think, was in it. | ||
| Wait. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And it's about his daughter. | |
| What? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| God, I'm bad. | ||
| That doesn't sound at all familiar. | ||
| If you had to tell me, and I'm a Bruce Willis fan, I think Bruce Willis is awesome. | ||
| But if you had to tell me when was his last movie, I'd be like... | ||
| I assume he's just popping Biagra and shooting loads all over the place. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| What is his last fucking movie? | ||
| A Good Day to Die Hard. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And who's the guy? | ||
| Is that Kevin Hart? | ||
| No. | ||
| Who is that dude? | ||
| I've never seen that guy in my life. | ||
| It was just a guy that was on set. | ||
| Did anybody go to see that? | ||
| What did it get on IMDB? 14% on Rotten Tomatoes? | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Hey, can you go to Box Office Mojo and look that up? | ||
| Will you look it up on Box Office Mojo? | ||
| Box Office Mojo? | ||
| Oh, no, there it was. | ||
| Go back. | ||
| Sorry, go back to the previous page. | ||
| What is Box Office Mojo? | ||
| It'll tell you, like, budget, and it'll tell you what it made here in International. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Where is that at? | |
| Look at that down there. | ||
| How do you know all this? | ||
| 92 million. | ||
| Box Office, it made 304 million. | ||
| Is that what it says? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| So it fucking killed. | ||
| It did great. | ||
| Probably all overseas. | ||
| All foreign sales. | ||
| Yeah, go to Box Office Mojo. | ||
| It'll show you. | ||
| So maybe he's, like, one of the few guys left that can still do that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, like Steven Seagal still sells a ton of movies overseas. | ||
| A fuckload. | ||
| They do those straight to, you know, straight to video, straight to DVD things. | ||
| Straight to DVD. Dude, he makes tons of money. | ||
| They internationally sell the movie before he even makes it. | ||
| Do you know that? | ||
| You know, he's a Russian citizen now. | ||
| I know, I love it. | ||
| It's great. | ||
| They gave him a passport. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| He's sticking around. | ||
| There you go. | ||
| Look at that, there's the proof. | ||
| It made 62 million here, it made 237 overseas. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| International superstar, dude. | ||
| Get that paper, Bruce. | ||
| Get that paper, Bruce. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| What do you think he walked away with? | ||
| He took 10 up front to make it. | ||
| He probably got a ton of money. | ||
| I don't know how it works. | ||
| Points. | ||
| He's probably got 30 million out of that, maybe. | ||
| Bruce Willis balling out of control. | ||
| Bruce, hit us up, dude! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He's good friends with Dom Herrera. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Is he? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Those two. | ||
| That's so funny. | ||
| I would love to see just them two in a diner having a conversation. | ||
| I know, right? | ||
| Just Bruce and Dom Herrera. | ||
| Dom Herrera, still doing the damn thing. | ||
| Yeah, dude, I fucking love him. | ||
| He did a bunch of episodes on the Showtime show, I did. | ||
| Did he? | ||
| Yeah, dude. | ||
| It's fucking so awesome that they got, like, real comics, man. | ||
| The Showtime show looks great, man. | ||
| I love how authentic everybody looks. | ||
| Thank you, man. | ||
| And the hairstyles. | ||
| They killed it. | ||
| And they went with real comics. | ||
| Al Madrigal, you, Jerron. | ||
| Me, Eric Griffin, Jerron. | ||
| Fucking Dom. | ||
| Earl Skakel does a few pop-ins on it. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| I'm drawing such a blank. | ||
| There's so many other guys that came in and left. | ||
| Judy fucking Gold. | ||
| Yeah, that's us right there. | ||
| Look at that, man. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Melissa fucking Leo. | ||
| Did you guys feel like an extreme amount of responsibility while you were doing this? | ||
| Because you're doing a movie that's based on the most important comedy club, in my opinion, ever. | ||
| Yeah, TV show. | ||
| But yeah, yeah, no, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Well, you're doing a show. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, we did. | |
| Well, the pressure was fucking... | ||
| Yeah, man, I felt the pressure. | ||
| The responsibility was fucking huge. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| We premiered last night, and it'll air this Sunday. | ||
| And Jim Carrey said some amazing things, man. | ||
| Yeah, that's our cast photo. | ||
| That one that you clicked, that one, yeah. | ||
| Did it feel weird to be on that? | ||
| I mean, it must have been like... | ||
| I can tell you from the bottom of my honest heart, it was the most important thing I've done so far. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Dude, I mean, we were paying homage to the world that we love and respect so much, and it was a big effort on Jim's part and his producing partner, Michael Aguilar, to tell real stories. | ||
| A lot of the stories that people will see if you watch the show, and I hope you do, come from Jim's real life. | ||
| Two dudes from Boston move, they live in a fucking dude's closet in West Hollywood, and they used to be a guy that would jerk off and watch Jim change, and Jim put that story in the show, man. | ||
| He wanted all these little great tidbits. | ||
| There's a great moment about joke stealing in there and a fucking huge fistfight that breaks out that was real from Jim's personal life about guys who used to come in from the fucking radio, from talk radio. | ||
| In the morning, they'd come to the club at night, come to the store, steal shit. | ||
| The next morning, comics would fucking hear it. | ||
| Yeah, that's a real common thing. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| That was always going on. | ||
| You know what else was going on? | ||
| A big one was writers for sitcoms would come. | ||
| Yep, same shit. | ||
| And they would watch people do sets, and then they would wind up putting their bits in, like, even on fucking Seinfeld. | ||
| One of Kevin James' signature bits got used on Seinfeld after he had a bunch of meetings, and then they came to see him perform. | ||
| A bunch of, like, top writers came to see him perform at an NBC showcase. | ||
| It was like when Kevin was getting a development deal, and they came down and watched him, and then the next season, his muffin bit was on a Seinfeld episode. | ||
| He was like, what the fuck, man? | ||
| Well, nowadays, they're blatant. | ||
| They tell you. | ||
| I tested for Saturday Night Live, and you sign a form that says these characters can be used after the audition. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| And this is crazy. | ||
| I'm not calling out anybody or saying anything, but there was a character that ended up on the show that Vanessa Bayer did fucking hilariously that I did something similar in my audition. | ||
| I was like, damn, that was really good. | ||
| Wait a minute. | ||
| So you audition. | ||
| You have a character you audition with. | ||
| Yeah, I did this character. | ||
| I did this fake sportscaster. | ||
| They can steal that. | ||
| They own that now. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because you audition. | ||
| Fuck you. | ||
| Fuck you, man. | ||
| Yeah, you sign a piece of paper, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's crazy. | |
| They're not even giving you money and they're stealing your ideas. | ||
| That's the respect that SNL has earned in that community. | ||
| You don't have that respect. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| That's stealing. | ||
| You're stealing. | ||
| Well, I signed the form, man. | ||
| God, dude, that's so awful. | ||
| I signed that sheet because you can almost taste it, you know? | ||
| But they're making you sign something saying, we're going to steal from you. | ||
| Totally. | ||
| That's insane. | ||
| We're going to steal from you, and we're not going to pay you anything. | ||
| We're going to use this thing. | ||
| It might be a fucking Mike Myers movie someday. | ||
| And you have to say, yes, sir. | ||
| May I have another? | ||
| Take it. | ||
| Take it. | ||
| I took it. | ||
| God, it's so crazy. | ||
| I took it, man. | ||
| I took it. | ||
| It was a wild process. | ||
| But the fact that some hugely successful business wouldn't want to compensate people for creating those ideas... | ||
| Fly you out to show yourself off. | ||
| Even if you just don't hire them, but you like that character, there should be an established rate that you have to pay for things. | ||
| And my whole thing is, I'm not saying what they did was what I did, but there was just some similarities in the nuances of the character that I thought were... | ||
| Either just, you know, a confluence of great ideas, but it is hard. | ||
| You think about that stuff. | ||
| You're like, man, is that close to what I did? | ||
| Because, you know, like we said back in the day, like our show shows, people were blatantly stealing in comedy for fucking ever. | ||
| It's been like the beginning of time. | ||
| And especially in the 70s, which I think is what we tried to show, was like, they would steal these radio guys. | ||
| And fucking show up again and be like, hey! | ||
| Like it didn't happen. | ||
| No big deal. | ||
| Come on, buddy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, told him. | |
| That was one of your shit jokes from last night. | ||
| We always promote you. | ||
| Whenever you're in town. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Like, I'm really lucky that I didn't grow up in a generation where you didn't get paid in the sense of like, I remember hearing stories of guys that would go on the road and then get fucked out of a check. | ||
| You can get fucked still. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| People get fucked. | ||
| Yeah, I've heard of people getting fucked. | ||
| Joey Diaz had an experience about a year ago. | ||
| Well, Joey's one I gotta fuck with too. | ||
| Yeah, he called this guy up and started screaming at him and said, listen, you know, you don't fucking pay me. | ||
| He goes, I'm gonna tell the whole world. | ||
| He goes, I'm gonna have all my friends tell the whole world and no one's gonna fucking work here anymore. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| Yeah, and he wound up getting paid, but it took him a while to get paid. | ||
| There's a lot of club owners are still doing coke. | ||
| Isn't that fucking insane? | ||
| I know a guy! | ||
| I know a guy. | ||
| I can't even be around him. | ||
| Every time I'm around him, he's coked up. | ||
| He's just living it like the old days. | ||
| But here's the thing, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It never stopped. | |
| It's been a part of it from the beginning of time. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, from the beginning of when I started doing stand-up, there was a lot of club owners that were on Coke. | ||
| And they just partied. | ||
| That was just normal. | ||
| Yeah, they partied. | ||
| Nick's Comedy Stop in Boston, it never happened to me, because I was never a Coke guy, but they would offer you, if you wanted to get paid, in money or Coke. | ||
| I'm not kidding. | ||
| Imagine any other industry. | ||
| They would pay the comics in cocaine. | ||
| Like Lenny Clark has told me about it in great detail. | ||
| And said, I'll just take the coke, I guess. | ||
| Some guys took the coke. | ||
| Can you do a half and half? | ||
| Can you do like an eight ball? | ||
| These guys were selling coke and running comedy clubs. | ||
| That's kind of brilliant. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, it was total organized crime shit. | ||
| It was all organized crime. | ||
| It was just like at a level where it was acceptable. | ||
| It wasn't like they were killing people, but they were selling coke. | ||
| Yeah, but coke was so okay that it was like, nah, it's fucking... | ||
| Dude, no one's totally captured the crazy days of Boston. | ||
| I was a kid back then, so I got to see it really from the outside. | ||
| And it all started before I even started about four years before I started. | ||
| It was at its peak in like 84. Yeah. | ||
| Those guys were maniacs. | ||
| Out of their minds. | ||
| Maniacs hammered every night on... | ||
| Mario Joyner was talking about it last night at the store. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because he was hosting the show that we were doing, and Mario Joyner was like, they would just go up there and just get hammered. | ||
| And just be killing. | ||
| Just killing. | ||
| Blacked out, crushing. | ||
| Blacked out, drunk, hammered. | ||
| It was a whole different groove, man. | ||
| Now you have to be on your P's and Q's, man. | ||
| Now everyone's got to be real tight. | ||
| I feel like the majority of people in comedy, the longer I've stayed in comedy, the more I see people sober now. | ||
| I think a lot of people, it's just not... | ||
| I feel like there's a lot more clean people working now than people who party. | ||
| I think there's a lot of people that realize the consequences of partying. | ||
| You can only stay on that fucking train for so long. | ||
| If you look at the great ones that got derailed... | ||
| Whether it's Cat Williams, whether it's Kinison, the great ones that have been derailed by cocaine, there's a ton of them that we know of. | ||
| The cocaine one gets you. | ||
| It ends in a bad way. | ||
| You go bad. | ||
| Your creativity goes away. | ||
| You get paranoid. | ||
| You get tired. | ||
| Your act diminishes greatly. | ||
| Like, Kinison, in my opinion, is the best example. | ||
| He's the best example of a guy who at one point in time was just Arguably the best ever for like two years. | ||
| Non-stop good. | ||
| Just a monster. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And a thing like no one had seen before. | ||
| Like there wasn't a Sam Kinison like an archetype. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It didn't exist. | ||
| No. | ||
| He was this fat guy, been fucked over! | ||
| I've been married twice! | ||
| And he just would come out, this giant fucking, this big energy, this thing, like a fucking human storm of comedy. | ||
| But then it dropped off so radically. | ||
| Like Ari was talking about the other night, like if you go and watch his stuff after the second special, it's like, the second special's a big drop off. | ||
| The real shit is his CD Or it wasn't even a CD. Warner Brothers wouldn't even make it a CD because it was so homophobic. | ||
| They kept it a cassette. | ||
| For real. | ||
| His cassette, Louder Than Hell, and then his HBO special. | ||
| And don't watch anything after that. | ||
| The HBO special is what I remember fucking seeing as one of the things where I was like, this is insane. | ||
| This is like a fucking madman who's hitting all the marks, you know? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's like a... | ||
| A smart madman. | ||
| Yes, a genius. | ||
| But he didn't miss. | ||
| It was weird. | ||
| It was like... | ||
| Yeah, it's like watching someone do something brilliantly in sports where you're like, everything worked perfectly. | ||
| It was like all the stars were aligning for him to just... | ||
| chugging on this train of crushing. | ||
| That was crazy shit to see, man. | ||
| And it was like during the Reagan era, where people started to get a little buttoned down. | ||
| That was like we went from Carter to Reagan, right? | ||
| So we go from this hippie peanut farmer from Georgia that couldn't get the hostages back from Iran to this movie star with a slick black hair and, oh, oh! | ||
| It's just like, he was a part of that. | ||
| I mean, there was a part of the whole country was fucking crazy at the time. | ||
| And Kinison came along and he sort of embodied the frustrations that a lot of people felt. | ||
| The timing was perfect. | ||
| Perfect! | ||
| But, cocaine got him. | ||
| Like, he wasn't the same guy after that special. | ||
| There's this giant drop-off in the amount of focus he put on his work. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, because you become complacent and you also, like, I think the more money and fame you get, I think unless you have sense of groundedness and humility around you, like friends to be like, dude, you gotta fucking change your game. | ||
| You're fucking up. | ||
| You're slipping. | ||
| You're not producing anymore. | ||
| You're not writing. | ||
| You're not developing. | ||
| You're not changing who you are as a comic. | ||
| I think if you don't have that around you, if everyone around you is like, more fucking coke, dude! | ||
| More bitches! | ||
| Bring them up! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Woo! | |
| That's over. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| No, I agree. | ||
| The train crashes, man. | ||
| I don't know Cat Williams, but I'll tell you what, to this day, like Pimpin' Chronicles, Pimp Chronicles, whatever that special is that he did, that is a goddamn genius special. | ||
| Dude, it's amazing. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| And apparently he likes to do a little cocaine. | ||
| I never know. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Woo! | |
| I don't know, but I just wish he would clean up. | ||
| He's one of those guys I look forward to when he puts out shit. | ||
| Yeah, because it's so fucking different. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| Just wild. | ||
| Yeah, he's wild, man. | ||
| He's real. | ||
| I mean, it's just, he's a maniac. | ||
| His fucking hair is all slicked back and sweating like a pig. | ||
| He paused his special to change his clothes because he sweats so much. | ||
| That's genius. | ||
| That's how you know you're putting in work. | ||
| He sweat through his clothes. | ||
| You're getting your money worth. | ||
| He went and did a change and came back out and kept crushing. | ||
| That's how you know he put in work. | ||
| Yeah, and that was after he had gone through all those cancelled shows and all the craziness and got on stage and yelled at a heckler for five minutes and then left and everybody wanted their money back. | ||
| They booed him and shit. | ||
| He still came back and crushed. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, he's fucking good. | ||
| It's that goddamn cocaine, though. | ||
| It gets them. | ||
| It gets everybody. | ||
| Everybody that we know that never made it. | ||
| I mean, how many guys do you know that were funny, that never made it, that started doing coke? | ||
| A shitload of dudes. | ||
| A shitload. | ||
| Not just coke, too, but just anything, anything, anything. | ||
| I mean, as soon as they got into the party world, the hard party world of like... | ||
| Yeah, coke. | ||
| It's gotta be coke. | ||
| The coke one was big. | ||
| It just snags people. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Goddamn. | |
| And then they disappear, man. | ||
| People who love coke must hate my podcast. | ||
| Like, he's always shitting on coke. | ||
| You've never even done coke, bro. | ||
| That's the thing about Rogan, dude. | ||
| I like him, but he's like a bitch about coke, dawg. | ||
| Let it go, bro. | ||
| I do a little coke. | ||
| I do a little coke every day. | ||
| Apparently that is the best way to get girls to have sex with you, though. | ||
| Like, if you've got some cocaine, you've got to be in the right place where people need cocaine. | ||
| They're not allowed to say no. | ||
| They just say yes. | ||
| They just get crazy and they do coke. | ||
| I guess it's like a super inhibition-lowering thing. | ||
| You know? | ||
| I think the idea is so fun that they're like, he can get coke. | ||
| Like anybody can get weed, but it's like, he can get coke? | ||
| You're waiting at the house for the guy to show up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck this guy. | |
| The guy shows up in a Lamborghini with that fucking music playing in the background. | ||
| There's no easy way out! | ||
| Gets out of his car, puts the e-brake on. | ||
| Yo man, I got your package! | ||
| You go out, you give him the money, you hug like a little bit too violently. | ||
| Like a little slap the back hug. | ||
| Thank you, bro! | ||
| You know that slap the back hug? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because you know that you're dealing in some seriously illegal things. | ||
| That guy knows where you live, too. | ||
| How's your sister, man? | ||
| She's good, bro. | ||
| Thanks for asking. | ||
| No shit, no shit. | ||
| Thanks for the coke, man. | ||
| No doubt, no doubt. | ||
| This is good shit. | ||
| Oh, yo, the best. | ||
| Yo, next time, I got some really clean shits not stepped on, dawg, so fucking hit me the fuck up, alright? | ||
| Yo, next week, next week, I got a new shipment coming in. | ||
| You gotta be careful, though. | ||
| Don't OD. Because this shit's that strong. | ||
| Don't OD, dude. | ||
| I don't want that on my conscience. | ||
| Bitches be dropping their panties for this shit, bro. | ||
| You got any bitches in the house? | ||
| No? | ||
| Alright, man. | ||
| I gotta get out of here. | ||
| Did you see that that Mary Letourneau lady that fucked that kid in school and went to jail and then had a kid with him? | ||
| Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| They just broke up after 21 years together. | ||
| Can you believe it? | ||
| This kid finally broke up. | ||
| It's like, this bitch is crazy. | ||
| 21 years later. | ||
| That's all it took. | ||
| Two decades. | ||
| 21 years this kid has been banging her. | ||
| I gotta get the fuck out of here. | ||
| Oh, you're nuts. | ||
| You fucked me when I was 12. What am I doing here? | ||
| Shit, I didn't realize this was super unhealthy. | ||
| Alright, yeah. | ||
| Thanks. | ||
| I gotta go. | ||
| I think they have a kid together. | ||
| Do they? | ||
| 18-year-old daughter. | ||
| They have an 18-year-old daughter. | ||
| Well, she's gonna fucking have everything in order, I'm sure. | ||
| She's gonna be the leader of a punk band. | ||
| She'll have half her head shaved. | ||
| She'll be fucking wearing Doc Martens stomping around. | ||
| Mary Kay Letourneau's husband. | ||
| We only split so I could sell pot. | ||
| Oh, what the fuck? | ||
| I love it. | ||
| I love life. | ||
| Life's beautiful. | ||
| They're still happily together and he merely filed for legal separation for May 9th because he believes it'll make it easier for him to get a license to distribute cig-a-weed marijuana cigarettes. | ||
| She's a registered sex offender. | ||
| Oh! | ||
| Well, yeah, she has to be, right? | ||
| Because he was underage. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| I bet she's still a freak. | ||
| Totally, dude. | ||
| I bet she puts, like, alligator masks on. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So he's 55. She's 55. They're fine. | |
| They just got legally divorced so they could do this business. | ||
| She served seven years in prison for that. | ||
| I'm happier for that. | ||
| Did she really? | ||
| Seven years is fucking wild. | ||
| That's so stupid. | ||
| He was in sixth grade. | ||
| What's sixth grade? | ||
| Is that 12? | ||
| 12 or 13. Jesus. | ||
| That is a little young. | ||
| Oh, he's a DJ in Washington. | ||
| We should go see his shows. | ||
| I was up in Seattle. | ||
| I should have gone up there. | ||
| Yeah, it's probably awesome. | ||
| It's probably a really good show. | ||
| A firebomb goes off, fucking glitter in the air. | ||
| It's crazy, bro. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The show's amazing. | |
| Dude, it's wild as shit. | ||
| He knows how to party. | ||
| What do you spin, man? | ||
| Whatever I'm feeling, dog. | ||
| Kids love that music when they're on the drugs, though. | ||
| Dude, when you're on that molly, you can't escape the beat. | ||
| How many times have you done ecstasy? | ||
| Oh, ecstasy. | ||
| I've done... | ||
| Two or three times. | ||
| Two or three? | ||
| MDMA. Because two different things, right? | ||
| I think MDMA is ecstasy. | ||
| But the old ecstasy that we did in high school was definitely not what it is now. | ||
| No? | ||
| It was like whatever pill they crushed together of shit from the sink. | ||
| They lied to you. | ||
| Fuck yeah, that was bad shit. | ||
| You got lied to in Chicago. | ||
| MDMA was... | ||
| MDMA, the first time I ever did it was in London about 10 years ago. | ||
| That was the first time I ever even heard of it. | ||
| No one said Molly, but this guy was like, Andrew, this guy who lived next door was like, dude, I've got this fucking MDMA, dude. | ||
| You've got to try it. | ||
| And I was like, all right, whatever the fuck is big, like Jamaican-British dude. | ||
| I was like, all right, dude, I'll try this shit. | ||
| We went down by the beach and watched this concert, and I was like... | ||
| Dude, how do I get this all the time? | ||
| He was like, it's limited supply, but I've got more for you. | ||
| We did that shit for like four days straight. | ||
| I was like, this is the most fun I've ever had. | ||
| And then I just stopped doing it for years and years and years. | ||
| And I tried it again one more time. | ||
| That was it. | ||
| Never again. | ||
| I only did it once, but it was spectacular. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| The comedown, though, was too strong. | ||
| The comedown was devastating. | ||
| I was like, this is horrible. | ||
| Do you get hard crashes when you do shrooms or no? | ||
| No. | ||
| You don't crash at all? | ||
| No. | ||
| I mean, I feel weird, but I'm always so belittled, not belittled, so obliterated by the experience. | ||
| It's always like I'm trying to process it. | ||
| They're like, I'm barely aware of my physical state. | ||
| I'm almost like eating just to like, just because I know I have to get calories in. | ||
| You're like, sustenance should be in my body at this point. | ||
| Yeah, let me just figure out what the fuck just happened. | ||
| You know, it's always like, oh yeah, I knew. | ||
| I knew, but I didn't know. | ||
| I needed to see it, but I knew. | ||
| My crashes were, for some reason, they used to be fucking terrible. | ||
| I used to come down off mushrooms and I would feel fucking... | ||
| Miserable. | ||
| Was it always? | ||
| Every time you did it? | ||
| Almost, man. | ||
| Did you ever think that maybe... | ||
| One thing that does happen, apparently, is that sometimes people grow mushrooms, and oddly enough, the mushrooms have fungus that develops on them, and you can get sick from the fungus, and then sometimes people say they have these almost hangover-like feelings because of that. | ||
| I have read that. | ||
| I've never had a hangover. | ||
| I mean, I just remembered a lot of the crashes being like a fucking bummer. | ||
| Like, I was like, this is for some reason. | ||
| Acid was, the first time I ever did Acid was, I felt like even when I was off of it, it was great. | ||
| It didn't fuck with me. | ||
| Yeah, I did Acid for the first time last year. | ||
| Like, was it last year? | ||
| Six months ago? | ||
| Something like that? | ||
| Did you like it? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, but it didn't crash me. | ||
| I felt weird when it was over. | ||
| I did it and I didn't want to do it again. | ||
| I remember doing it and being like, eh. | ||
| I just didn't want to do it again. | ||
| They say the thing about ecstasy, though, is if you take 5-HTP, you got to take that shit while you're on it because it helps rebuild your serotonin. | ||
| So it balances it out. | ||
| Yeah, because it's the building blocks for serotonin. | ||
| Take that. | ||
| And it'll help you boost yourself back up when you come through. | ||
| That's pretty genius. | ||
| Because it gives you this giant burst of serotonin. | ||
| You feel so wonderful, but then it depletes. | ||
| Yeah, because you drained it. | ||
| And it takes a while before it spools back up. | ||
| The 5-HTP apparently can help mitigate that. | ||
| That sounds like printer ink. | ||
| Yeah, it does. | ||
| I gotta get the 5-HTP, I guess. | ||
| That's so funny, there's like a science enough staying fucking healthy while you're on drugs. | ||
| I know. | ||
| When I first started doing drugs, it was like, figure it out, dude. | ||
| Might chew your lip off. | ||
| You gotta drink applesauce. | ||
| Home remedies. | ||
| Like, you ever have Menudo? | ||
| Uh-uh. | ||
| Menudo is the Mexican... | ||
| Oh, yes. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| I'm like, I'm like, I don't know. | ||
| I thought it's a drug. | ||
| No, you're talking about Menudo. | ||
| Menudo is the Mexican hangover cure. | ||
| It's fucking great. | ||
| You can get it. | ||
| There's a legit Mexican joint down the street. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Legit. | |
| It's pork, right? | ||
| It's pork face, isn't it? | ||
| It's a bunch of shit in there. | ||
| They have tripe. | ||
| Chorizo and shit. | ||
| There's like stomach, like pieces of stomach in there. | ||
| It's like this brown soup. | ||
| There's chickpeas in it. | ||
| Not brown, it's like a reddish brown. | ||
| It's like a stew soup. | ||
| Yeah, like a stew. | ||
| It's goddamn delicious. | ||
| I love it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It'll knock anything out. | |
| If you can get it from a real place, like a real Mexican joint that has real menudo. | ||
| What's the fucking spot up the street should I go to? | ||
| I'll show you. | ||
| Yeah, you gotta show them. | ||
| I know exactly where it is, but I don't know the name of it. | ||
| Because I love it. | ||
| Something Taqueria. | ||
| Oh, it's so good, dude. | ||
| Everyone's watching Mexican TV. You go in there, everyone's speaking Spanish. | ||
| They look at you like, what the fuck? | ||
| How'd you find this place? | ||
| What's up, puto? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you're like, hey, fellas. | ||
| They barely speak English. | ||
| Barely when you're ordering food. | ||
| That's the best. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Barely. | |
| And they have to ask you like two or three times. | ||
| And you have to explain to them. | ||
| And then, you know, you could try. | ||
| Try to like, you'll be embarrassed. | ||
| Try to say it with a Spanish flair. | ||
| Menudo. | ||
| Yeah, but it's so good, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They have horchata, those big horchata vats. | |
| I love the vats, yeah. | ||
| If you're going to be a rich Mexican, you want a horchata vat at your house. | ||
| You don't think Gabriel Iglesias has one? | ||
| He's got a hundred of them. | ||
| He's got a giant one, like an oral barrel. | ||
| And he wears the helmet with two spouts every morning when he walks around with it. | ||
| A horchata helmet! | ||
| Excuse me, where's my horchata helmet? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The fluff. | ||
| The fluff's got it. | ||
| He's like taking time off, that guy. | ||
| I mean, he's fucking... | ||
| He's a machine. | ||
| He's been doing it for so long. | ||
| I think he probably needs a little bit of a break, right? | ||
| I think he said he just wants to do a bunch of shit now. | ||
| Just gonna have some fun. | ||
| Just party. | ||
| Just do whatever the fuck he wants to do. | ||
| Spend some money. | ||
| Have fun. | ||
| Fuck off. | ||
| Buy a boat. | ||
| That guy made so much money. | ||
| He's got all of it. | ||
| People don't even realize how much money that dude made. | ||
| But that's why he's so good at what he does because he keeps it on the low. | ||
| He doesn't act like he has money. | ||
| He doesn't come off that way. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's real low to the ground with that stuff. | ||
| He was doing so many shows. | ||
| He has the record number of shows that were sold out at the Ice House. | ||
| He did like some crazy run where he was doing three, four shows a day. | ||
| It was something on the wall. | ||
| How many was it? | ||
| What did you say, Jamie? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It was bad. | |
| He's back on the roof? | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's fucking back. | |
| So he took the time off and jumped back in? | ||
| Fluffy is fucking back. | ||
| Oh, he's got a new special. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| Look at all those dates, huh? | ||
| He's hustling, dude. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Damn. | |
| Look at all those dates. | ||
| Every day I'm hustling. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Do-do-do-do-do-do. | |
| Do-do-do-do-do-do. | ||
| Fluffy fan life, dude. | ||
| He's connected, bro. | ||
| I'm sorry for what I said when I was hungry. | ||
| Damn, he's going to Norway and Sweden, Estonia, United Kingdom, Germany, Belgium, Netherlands. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| Finland, Vegas. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| He's got a whole European leg of his tour. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| Where's Rone Park, California? | ||
| Where's Rone Park? | ||
| Rone Hart Park? | ||
| That's a good question. | ||
| It's a place white people shouldn't go, probably. | ||
| No shit. | ||
| I'm gonna say that. | ||
| Sioux Falls. | ||
| Back on the road, baby. | ||
| When is your Showtime special? | ||
| It's coming out very soon, right? | ||
| Tomorrow. | ||
| Oh, Jesus Christ, Santino! | ||
| Tomorrow! | ||
| June 2nd. | ||
| We release tomorrow, baby. | ||
| What's it called? | ||
| Home Field Advantage. | ||
| Oh, Jesus. | ||
| Did you do it in Chicago? | ||
| Did it back home at the Vic Theater, where I used to go watch bands play when I was in high school. | ||
| It was so fucking surreal, dude. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Yeah, Home Field Advantage. | ||
| Look at you. | ||
| Handsome as fuck, dude. | ||
| Looking cute, man. | ||
| Strong beard. | ||
| Strong beard. | ||
| That was when I was shooting the show. | ||
| Oh, look at that. | ||
| Do you know what that is? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Go back. | ||
| Two pictures. | ||
| Do you know what that's me paying tribute to somebody? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Who? | |
| Do you recognize that picture? | ||
| No. | ||
| Or what I'm doing? | ||
| No. | ||
| Carol Burnett. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, wow. | |
| Did you say that? | ||
| Fuck yeah, dude. | ||
| Carol Burnett used to fucking touch her ear for her family. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| This is a trip. | ||
| For her family? | ||
| She used to touch her ear? | ||
| Her grandmother was like... | ||
| Touch your ear for me. | ||
| While her grandma was like, say hi to Nana on TV. And she's like, I can't do that. | ||
| Right. | ||
| She's like, they'll fucking fire me. | ||
| And she's like, I promise I'll do something. | ||
| I'll think of something as a shout out to you. | ||
| And she told her a short time later, she was like, I'm going to touch my ear. | ||
| You'll know I'm thinking of you. | ||
| So she used to do that on TV all the time. | ||
| To appease some annoying family members. | ||
| Yeah, man, you gotta. | ||
| How about you realize, Nana? | ||
| I got shit I'm doing up there, okay? | ||
| I'm working. | ||
| I'm goddamn Carol Burnett. | ||
| I went to a restaurant recently. | ||
| A couple years ago, I was at a restaurant and she was there. | ||
| It was weird. | ||
| It's like she was just hanging out at this restaurant. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Eating dinner with some guy. | ||
| Just kicking it? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think she's fucking... | ||
| She was genius. | ||
| That show, Carol Burnett show, was a great fucking show. | ||
| She was brilliant. | ||
| Everything about her was so inventive at that fucking time period. | ||
| I appreciate that kind of shit so much. | ||
| But you also have to realize how crazy it was that someone was willing to invest in a woman running a show like that. | ||
| It was unheard of. | ||
| It was called the Carol Burnett Show, and it was a sketch comedy show. | ||
| Unheard of. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, fuck, man. | ||
| Look at that, she's doing it. | ||
| Tugging on her ear. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| It's kind of crazy, man, like, at the time. | ||
| So powerful, man. | ||
| How few women were like that at the time that had that kind of pull? | ||
| I mean, Lucy was the only one of that prior era that had fucking massive influence on Hollywood. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Who could say anything and be like, this is how it is. | ||
| And studios were like, uh-huh. | ||
| Your show was called I Love Lucy. | ||
| I mean, Jesus. | ||
| It couldn't have been any other way. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| For her, it was like, she's like, I am a star. | ||
| I'm going to be the star of the show. | ||
| I want the fucking intro to be my face, and then show Ricky Ricardo. | ||
| I don't even know Ricky Ricardo's name. | ||
| How about that? | ||
| Who's that Ricky Ricardo guy? | ||
| What was his name? | ||
| His name is, uh... | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| That's what I'm saying. | ||
| That's so embarrassing. | ||
| I do know who it is. | ||
| But everybody knows who Lucille Ball is. | ||
| What's that dude's name? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I honestly thought it was Ricky Ricardo. | |
| That's not his name, bro. | ||
| That's the TV name. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Desi Arnaz. | |
| Desi Arnaz. | ||
| Okay. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm bad. | |
| I'm so stupid. | ||
| I knew that. | ||
| I knew that. | ||
| I just forgot it. | ||
| You're allowed to forget shit like that. | ||
| But I wouldn't forget Lucille Ball. | ||
| Fuck no. | ||
| Can't. | ||
| Good goddamn show back then. | ||
| And that was back when a white girl was allowed to date a Cuban. | ||
| Cubans were very white back then. | ||
| Well, that was the only kind of, yeah, it was the only minority she could date on TV. Yeah, like if it was like, if she had a show called I Love Mexicans, and she was dating a Mexican guy, not a Cuban guy. | ||
| Cubans are like from Spain. | ||
| It's like a Spaniard. | ||
| It was thought of as a different thing. | ||
| Desi. | ||
| Desi Arnaz, a handsome bastard back then. | ||
| He was, man. | ||
| Do you think he ever banged Lucy? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Shh. | |
| No disrespect. | ||
| They were married. | ||
| I'm saying, do you think he banged her, though? | ||
| No. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No chance. | |
| They were married in real life, and then they worked together on TV? They were. | ||
| They were. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| The heyday. | ||
| Back in the day, man. | ||
| You ever watch old TV shows just to get a glimpse of what it was like to be back in that era? | ||
| My fucking old man, Andy Griffith, this is their favorite fucking show in the history of television. | ||
| My parents watch Andy Griffith every day. | ||
| Oh, God. | ||
| They're obsessed. | ||
| They love that shit. | ||
| My dad loves that shit. | ||
| They long for nostalgia. | ||
| He just thinks... | ||
| That, like, that's such an iconic period of time when, like, comedy was pure and clean and the jokes were about life situations that were, you know, there's a town drunk and there's a town whore. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| It's kind of like everything was such a setup. | ||
| But meanwhile, behind the scenes, they were just as freaky back then, if not more freaky. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck yeah, dude. | |
| Don Knotts used to stick the cop baton up his own ass right before they shot every day. | ||
| Are you sure? | ||
| Nope. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look at that picture. | |
| That's the baton going in his ass. | ||
| That's why Andy's laughing. | ||
| Did you ever hear the Fatty Arbuckle story? | ||
| Uh-uh. | ||
| Fatty Arbuckle was the big comedian from like the 1930s or the 1940s. | ||
| And they had some girl that they were doing something with and someone put a bottle inside of her, like in her vagina, and it broke. | ||
| And she died. | ||
| Fuck yeah, she died. | ||
| Yeah, there was something along those lines. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It was a bit? | |
| There was a bit where it was like, we're gonna put a bottle in your pussy? | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| I think they were partying. | ||
| I think they were going too hard. | ||
| And Fatty Arbuckle was a huge star at the time. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And when that woman died, I don't know if he was... | ||
| I don't know if he was convicted. | ||
| Charged with manslaughter. | ||
| He got charged with manslaughter. | ||
| Yeah, but whether or not he was convicted. | ||
| I don't know if he was convicted. | ||
| But his career was over, and then it all dried up for him. | ||
| I don't even know if he did it. | ||
| You know, I mean, I'm not really sure. | ||
| He was probably around for the party. | ||
| Most likely. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Hotel room. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| She sneezed and the bottle broke. | ||
| There he is. | ||
| Arbuckle was charged with manslaughter and endured not one, not two, but three trials for the alleged crime. | ||
| Not going to go into the nitty-gritty of what went on in each trial, but try to imagine the mismanagement and publicity akin to the O.J. Simpson trial, and you'll be getting close. | ||
| Well, then he should have got into it. | ||
| Well, who knows? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| Court TV. | ||
| Yeah, there's no court TV coverage But there was a thriving tabloid press and no shortage of bombastic rhetoric the assistant prosecutor for one of the trials Minton Milton oh you Ren Became known for his florid damning description of our buckles lifestyle to wit a Babylonian feast was in process in progress there the defendant had sumptuous quarters with his friends and | ||
| Food was spread, wine and liquor were served, and this modern Belshazzar sat upon his throne, surrounded by his lords and their ladies. | ||
| There was music, feasting, singing, and dancing. | ||
| How do you know? | ||
| Were you there? | ||
| Yeah, he just said above he didn't want to fucking get into details, and then he explained a bunch of shit. | ||
| A modern Belshazzar, the last king of Babylonia, sundered amidst his decadence. | ||
| This is some Game of Thrones-esque doomsday stuff right there. | ||
| That is an interesting thing that a prosecutor could do back then, that could make that sort of like... | ||
| Ridiculous description of the events that took place. | ||
| Like, you weren't there. | ||
| You actually do not know. | ||
| You actually do not know that this is what happened. | ||
| That's a big fish story, you know? | ||
| So did he wind up going to jail? | ||
| You know how many people have stuck bottles up people's pussies and they didn't die and they went whew. | ||
| They read that story? | ||
| I did it this morning. | ||
| If you got like one of those Mexican Coke bottles, those real thick ones, those are hard to break. | ||
| Those are hard to break. | ||
| You'd have to fucking throw her against the wall or something. | ||
| Yeah, if she had a pussy that was so strong and could break one of those bottles, it could probably endure the cuts too. | ||
| Oh yeah. | ||
| It's like a dense... | ||
|
unidentified
|
It killed his career. | |
| Third trial, he just pretty much left Hollywood. | ||
| He was shunned by Hollywood and could no longer find work. | ||
| Isn't that crazy that he was acquitted, right? | ||
| He got off. | ||
| So he was acquitted. | ||
| And it's still, yeah, I guess back then, that was it. | ||
| It was it, son. | ||
| And there was only one machine, you know? | ||
| There was no internet back then. | ||
| Nope. | ||
| He couldn't have had a YouTube page. | ||
| Could have made his own YouTube page today. | ||
| You see, Fetty Arbuckle put out a special on CISO, man. | ||
| It's pretty good. | ||
| It's on Epix, but they're going to sell it to Netflix in five years. | ||
| How's it working for Showtime? | ||
| It was good, dude. | ||
| They've got good shows, man. | ||
| They did me right, I will say. | ||
| Doing this special this Friday, and then the show comes out on Sunday. | ||
| So it's like this weekend, they're pairing it together. | ||
| And I fucking... | ||
| They were great. | ||
| They did great by me, man. | ||
| I can't fucking say anything negative about that. | ||
| The network is the shit right now. | ||
| Billions is good for them. | ||
| They still are kicking out Shameless. | ||
| People fucking love Shameless still. | ||
| Bloodline. | ||
| I mean, there's a bunch of fucking really good shows. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Showtime's resurfaced as... | ||
| Of the premium cable network that it's wanted to be for a long time. | ||
| Yeah, I did a Netflix special in 2005 and in 2006 Showtime aired it. | ||
| They've put together some good comedy specials. | ||
| Netflix and Showtime have some kind of deal because a lot of the times... | ||
| Your Showtime shit ends up on Netflix. | ||
| They buy out the rights to that. | ||
| That would be smart. | ||
| You know, if they did that, that would be smart. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well, it's a good move. | |
| It's a good move for everybody. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| And I hope they also have it available like it's easy to watch online. | ||
| You know, where they make it with very few hurdles to be able to watch it online. | ||
| Yeah, because you got to give it to people, man, at some point. | ||
| Well, not only that, more people find out how good it is, more people watch it, you know, whether it's your show or whether it's your stand-up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You know, the more stuff that gets out there, the better it is, right? | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| In this crazy day and age. | ||
| I hope, yeah. | ||
| You've come along in the golden age of the comedy store. | ||
| You know that, right? | ||
| It's fucking wild, man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The boom. | ||
| This is the boom right now. | ||
| We're going through it. | ||
| Is the bubble going to pop? | ||
| I don't think so, because there's so many funny comedians. | ||
| That's the beauty. | ||
| Guys like yourself. | ||
| There's a lot of guys out there that are really good. | ||
| And that are coming up that are really good. | ||
| There's real good comedy going on right now. | ||
| I know, it's crazy. | ||
| I think it's breeding really good comedy. | ||
| I think because there's so much great competition and there's so many fucking good people, I think it's breeding for people to be stronger and stronger. | ||
| Sometimes I see fucking guys when I'm like, God damn, they're getting so strong. | ||
| Well, it's like you see really good stuff around you. | ||
| You show up one night, and Chappelle goes up, and then Chris Rock goes on after him. | ||
| You're seeing this stuff on a regular basis, and the quality of the comedy that you see is very high. | ||
| So high. | ||
| You know, when I first started the store in 94, it was a dead zone. | ||
| It was just a terrible time. | ||
| It was, like, right after the Kinnison boom had ended. | ||
| Kinnison left there at, like, 86. Yeah. | ||
| You know, and then by the time I came around, eight years later, Kinnison was dead, and the place was weird. | ||
| Nobody wanted to be there. | ||
| It was weird. | ||
| You know, it was weird there for a long time, man. | ||
| Especially in terms of, like, talent coming up. | ||
| You know, the talent coming up back then, it was just like, it was really poor. | ||
| Is this the best you've ever seen it since you started there? | ||
| 100%. | ||
|
unidentified
|
For me, yeah. | |
| It's not even close for you. | ||
| Some guys say it was even better early on. | ||
| They say it was even better, like, in the 80s. | ||
| They say, like, before, like, the Kinison era, like, Dom Herrera especially. | ||
| He says that, like, there was a time where they were doing three shows in the main room, two shows in the OR, and they were just rotating. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| But we're pretty close to that now. | ||
| I was just gonna say, we're knocking on that door. | ||
| That's not that far away. | ||
| We do two shows in the main room all the time on the weekends. | ||
| We do two shows in the OR all the time on the weekends. | ||
| And sometimes, I've done four sets in a night there where I did two shows in the main room, one show in the belly room, and one show in the OR. That's fucking awesome. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| The belly has developed itself into like a real fucking great room. | ||
| There's just so much creativity and fun going on there. | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
| But you know what, man? | ||
| The improv's not bad right now, too. | ||
| The improv's been really good, too. | ||
| It's like comedy's just experiencing a cool little bump. | ||
| Yeah, it's wild. | ||
| I think people don't know how lucky they are in LA. It's wild, man. | ||
| People live in LA and they're like, yeah, how many guys are on tonight? | ||
| It's like, well, they're all going to be fucking amazing, so stick around because everyone you're going to see is going to be a fucking good comic. | ||
| There's only a couple that suck. | ||
| Let's be honest. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| There's a few. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| There's going to be a few. | ||
| There's a lot of comedy tourism, too. | ||
| People are coming here from Ireland, Scotland. | ||
| Yeah, that's wild. | ||
| It's strange. | ||
| Like, we flew over to watch this tour. | ||
| Like, what? | ||
| Weird. | ||
| I hope our show helps that, too. | ||
| Fuck yeah, it'll help, dude. | ||
| Push the idea of the store being just another fucking iconic piece that people don't know about, you know? | ||
| For people that don't give a shit about stand-up, when they see this, I think it'll be more like, oh, fuck, that's kind of cool. | ||
| I'd like to go see more of that shit. | ||
| Now, are you touring? | ||
| Are you going around the world? | ||
| What are you doing? | ||
| Right now, because we're kind of waiting to hear what Showtime says, if we're going to do this again, then I have to fucking cancel a bunch of dates. | ||
| But next week, I go to Austin, Cap City, then I go... | ||
| Chicago, Denver, Just for Laughs in Montreal, Raleigh. | ||
| So I'm touring a little bit here into the summer, but if we have to shoot again, I have to cancel a bunch of different dates. | ||
| No kidding, huh? | ||
| Showtime waits until the first episode airs to release any official announcements. | ||
| So when does the first episode air? | ||
| Sunday, baby. | ||
| So if it does well on Sunday, they make a choice right then and there? | ||
| It takes a little bit of manipulation time of them deciding what they want to do, but yeah, usually shortly after the first episode, they talk about what's going to happen. | ||
| So did you get a chance to watch it? | ||
| We did. | ||
| We saw it last night. | ||
| Last night was a premiere for, like, internal, for critics and shit. | ||
| And I was fucking happy. | ||
| Jim Carrey said some fucking amazing stuff. | ||
| He's an executive producer of the show for... | ||
| I don't know if I said that earlier, but... | ||
| He said some fucking really dope shit, man. | ||
| He said how much this meant to him. | ||
| And how... | ||
| How people don't really fucking know some of the true history of what that world was like to perform for no money. | ||
| And that... | ||
| Where there was one... | ||
| There was one way in, was Johnny Carson. | ||
| It was like, you get on Carson, it was like, you were fucking on the moon, dude. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And he talked about how a lot of critics, I guess, got, you know, they got episodes a couple weeks ago, and he said, a lot of you guys have been saying the word dark. | ||
| It's not a comedy. | ||
| He's like, we never sold it as a comedy. | ||
| Never once did we promote it as a comedy. | ||
| It's a fucking dramatic show about the world of comedy. | ||
| Is that funny sometimes? | ||
| Yeah, there's some really funny fucking moments on our show. | ||
| But it's about the world that exists. | ||
| It's about what it's like to be fucking 23 and hungry and poor as fuck and trying to get pussy and trying to get stage time and trying to figure out what you're doing, who's beating you and... | ||
| It's just about fucking life. | ||
| The life of a stand-up. | ||
| The life of a hustling, hungry, angry, angsty, jealous fucking stand-up. | ||
| Because we all go through that shit. | ||
| Dude, I'm excited. | ||
| I want to watch it right now. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Dude, I really hope people enjoy it. | ||
| I think the first episode is powerful as shit. | ||
| Dude, the pilot is insane. | ||
| We have Robert Forrester, Kathy Moriarty from Raging Bull. | ||
| Melissa Leo is the matriarch of the show. | ||
| She plays Goldie, who runs our comedy club. | ||
| Who is a variation of Mitzi, but she wouldn't say that. | ||
| We're on our own space. | ||
| Ari Grainer, Michael Angarano. | ||
| There's some fucking bangers on the show. | ||
| People that act their mind out. | ||
| That are just fucking really good, man. | ||
| And I'm jealous. | ||
| I sit along with those people and I'm like, fuck me. | ||
| These people are really good actors. | ||
| That's awesome. | ||
| Yeah, Melissa was the best worker. | ||
| She won a fucking Academy Award, man. | ||
| She won an Oscar for The Fighter. | ||
| So it's like being around a fucking human that won an Oscar is crazy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| It's wild because I never... | ||
| Kathy Moriarty was in Raging Bull, man. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| And she was also on the Dice Clay show. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What was the name of the show? | ||
| Bless This House? | ||
| Bless This House, yeah. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| She was Dice's wife. | ||
| Alfred fucking Molina. | ||
| You know him? | ||
| Alfred Molina. | ||
| He's the shit. | ||
| He's in it, too. | ||
| I mean, they've pulled out a few big names, man. | ||
| Did you always want to act or did you want to do stand-up or did you want to do both? | ||
| Oh, I... When I went to school, I went to school to write, to do journalism in English, and I knew I wanted to write and perform, but I was a pussy about performing in school. | ||
| So I did a few plays because I really wanted to be on stage, but I didn't like the idea of plays. | ||
| I just wanted to get on stage to, like, get my comfort level up. | ||
| Training wheels. | ||
| Yeah, dude. | ||
| And one of the teachers pulled me aside one day and she was like, you know, you could actually be a good actor if you didn't just fuck around when you got on stage. | ||
| And I was like, well, I really want to fuck around on stage. | ||
| She's like, well, then why don't you go do that for a living? | ||
| And no shit. | ||
| I was like, I'm gonna try. | ||
| And I knew I wanted to stand up so bad. | ||
| And when I moved to L.A., I started in L.A. and... | ||
| I was like, I'm either going to sink or swim. | ||
| When did you start? | ||
| What year? | ||
| I moved here at the end of 2006. I lived on a guy's fucking Lazy Boy in Long Beach. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And I used to drive up my buddy's truck every single fucking night. | ||
| I'd drop him off at the casino. | ||
| He was a professional gambler. | ||
| I'd drop him off at the casino, take his truck, because I didn't have a car or money, do fucking mics, go to the store and, you know, get intimidated, learn some lessons, and then fucking drive back home, pick him up, and we fell, you know, could get a burrito and do it all over again. | ||
| That's wild, man. | ||
| So you started really coming to the store when I was gone. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It was like 2007-ish, right? | ||
| Yeah, you weren't around. | ||
| But your legacy was there. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Like, it was like... | ||
| We all knew those that came before us and those that we talked about, but it was like, I was right there when you had kind of left that world a little bit. | ||
| But it's wild because it was like, I hated this store when I first started, dude. | ||
| 2006-2007 was fucking awful. | ||
| The people above us, none of the older comics were that fucking nice. | ||
| The vibe was negative as shit. | ||
| There wasn't a lot of crowds. | ||
| The open mics were fucking brutal. | ||
| They were miserable. | ||
| They barely got watched. | ||
| You know, it's just so many negative things about that place at the time that we were going through it. | ||
| And then it slowly kind of turned into this, you know, what we've seen now, which is just fucking amazing. | ||
| What you see now is crazy. | ||
| You pull into the parking lot. | ||
| It's jammed. | ||
| The hallways are jammed with people. | ||
| And it makes me smile from fucking year to year. | ||
| It's weird, right? | ||
| Isn't it weird? | ||
| Like it's a different thing. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| I've been there since 94, man. | ||
| It's never been like this. | ||
| This is a totally different thing. | ||
| You know what it still does to me? | ||
| This is the truth. | ||
| You kind of get desensitized to shit, but seeing my name up on the board when it's a packed night, it still gets me like... | ||
| I still get excited. | ||
| I'm like, that's fucking cool. | ||
| I'm a part of this moment in time in comedy. | ||
| At that fucking club, in my opinion, the club. | ||
| It's just something else, man. | ||
| There's something powerful as shit that's... | ||
| Sometimes I walk to the club because I live in the neighborhood and I like to walk instead of drive because it helps me get out of my brain. | ||
| And every time I fucking walk up, you know, and I see my name up there, there's like a fucking overwhelming feeling. | ||
| The moment I see it, it's like, this is... | ||
| Soak it in a little bit, because it doesn't last forever. | ||
| It's nice to have a place that's like that, too. | ||
| To just have one place that stands out as something that means more than just a comedy club. | ||
| It's an iconic thing. | ||
| There's something about that place that's like, we're at the store. | ||
| It's bigger than comedy, man. | ||
| It's like a... | ||
| It's something big. | ||
| It's something fucking special, man. | ||
| Well, Polly and I were talking about this and I told them that your mom's one of the most important people ever in comedy. | ||
| Period. | ||
| Like, ever. | ||
| One of the most influential humans in the comedy world. | ||
| In the world of what we know today as stand-up comedy... | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Mitzi Shore. | ||
| Like, without her? | ||
| Like, stop and think about what other comedy club owner has had the kind of influence, even remotely similar to what she's had. | ||
| I would know none of the above. | ||
| I mean, I guess the only person that you could bring into that namesake may be Bud Friedman from the improv. | ||
| Maybe, because he did Evening at the Improv and he had the monocle and everything like that, but I don't think, in the hardcore sense, it's even close. | ||
| Won't be the same. | ||
| No. | ||
| But yeah, what she did was shape and revolutionize the business that you know today. | ||
| She knew how to do it too. | ||
| Leave it up to the comedians. | ||
| Leave them alone. | ||
| And then also give them hard spots. | ||
| Make them work for it. | ||
| Make them work for it. | ||
| That's the best part about that club. | ||
| You think someone's funny? | ||
| Good. | ||
| Put them on after Dice or put them on after, you know, whoever the fuck it was at the time that was killing. | ||
| See how funny they are after Richard Pryor. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Yeah, see how funny they are after someone just destroys... | ||
| You just gotta go up to this wasteland of the audience. | ||
| That's such a testament about that club, too. | ||
| It's what they've always done. | ||
| You feel it. | ||
| I ate plates of shit in that place. | ||
| There's just no way around it. | ||
| Following everybody. | ||
| Following anybody. | ||
| I followed Pryor for five weeks. | ||
| Fuck! | ||
| When Pryor was in a wheelchair, so they would have to carry him to the stage. | ||
| It was dark. | ||
| You know, it would be really funny if you had to go on, you had to carry him off and then do your set. | ||
| They were like, carry him! | ||
| Start it from the crowd. | ||
| Carry the legend. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But that philosophy that she had that make you work for it, make you sink or swim. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So important. | ||
| People that we know to this day that are scared to have tough spots, and we know those people. | ||
| Totally. | ||
| Will they see somebody like Joey Diaz in the lineup and they're like, I'm going to go for a drive. | ||
| I'll be back in a little bit. | ||
| They'll let somebody else take their spot, and they come in, and they check, oh, is he up? | ||
| Oh, I missed my spot? | ||
| Am I on next? | ||
| I thought you were just here. | ||
| Where'd you go? | ||
| Yeah, you hid from Joey Diaz, motherfucker. | ||
| The only way to go up after Joey Diaz... | ||
| Is to just ride the lightning. | ||
| Yeah, you gotta ride the wave. | ||
| You have to enjoy him. | ||
| You have to have fun. | ||
| I fucking love watching him. | ||
| Yeah, but that's what I'm saying. | ||
| The problem with comics when it comes to those sort of situations is you see someone killing and for some reason you think that's taking away from your ability to be funny. | ||
| It's a weird... | ||
| It's the opposite. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| They want you to win with someone. | ||
| Let them know that you're there to win again instead of... | ||
| Well, I can't fucking... | ||
| Follow that. | ||
| I'm not going to talk about what Joey's talking about. | ||
| This is going to be disappointing. | ||
| Don't get your hopes up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, well, good. | ||
| I'm glad you set yourself up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's fucking... | ||
| You also should be going up laughing. | ||
| Like, it should be fun. | ||
| Something happens to some comedians along the line where they stop being fans of comedy. | ||
| Like, why did you get into this in the first place? | ||
| Didn't you like watching it? | ||
| Right. | ||
| You're going to stop watching it now that you're a pro? | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| It wasn't because of all the billions of dollars that you thought you were going to make. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Nobody got in and was like, dude, I can't wait to make so much fucking bank on this shit. | ||
| Yeah, no one's getting into comedy for that. | ||
| Although it can be done, you know, if you're like Kevin Hart, it can be done. | ||
| But that's not why you get into it. | ||
| But it's like what we were talking about earlier. | ||
| It's like people that are trying to get the limelight. | ||
| It's that weird, depressing thing. | ||
| Versus someone who's just like, I'm just trying to do my best shit. | ||
| Just trying to put out my best stand-up product. | ||
| I just want to pump out what I'm proud of. | ||
| Just hammer that bitch together. | ||
| I just want to punch him in the fucking head. | ||
| Does the Showtime special have your rock bit? | ||
| The bit on the rock? | ||
| It's on Showtime right now on the South by Southwest tour that I did. | ||
| They do the fucking behind the scenes of South by Southwest and I did a bit at the showcase for South by Southwest and I put it up on there. | ||
| Is it in your Showtime special though? | ||
| It's not, dude. | ||
| It's just on that. | ||
| How is that possible? | ||
| Because I did that first and Showtime put that up. | ||
| So what? | ||
| I know I should have done it again. | ||
|
unidentified
|
God! | |
| I know. | ||
| Oh, that bit's so good! | ||
| I should have done it again. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Motherfucker. | |
| I thought of you, actually. | ||
| I thought of you. | ||
| I was like, God, I should have done that, Joe. | ||
| I bet you fucking Joe would have said I should have done it again. | ||
| Dude, I've told so many people about that bit. | ||
| That's a funny bit, dude. | ||
| But the beauty is it links to it so it's on Showtime so they can watch my other set. | ||
| And all that stuff, that's another 15 minutes that I didn't put in my special that I did at South By. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Yeah, that I really like. | ||
| Let's get that shit on YouTube. | ||
| Somebody wink, wink. | ||
| Wink, wink, wink. | ||
| Somebody knows how to strip things down and move things around. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Is that it? | |
| Uh, no. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Okay. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| Say No More? | ||
| Is that another CD? That's from my first album. | ||
| That's my old album. | ||
| When did you put out the album? | ||
| What year was this? | ||
| It was two years ago. | ||
| That was my first album that I put out. | ||
| Say No More. | ||
| Andrew Santino. | ||
| Say No More. | ||
| All right, man. | ||
| That's not it. | ||
| Let's bring this bitch home. | ||
| Yeah, baby. | ||
| So the show starts Sunday. | ||
| That's when it first airs. | ||
| I'm dying up here. | ||
| Starts Sunday on Showtime. | ||
| And if you're a fan of comedy, we definitely want that to keep going. | ||
| So let's try to support that thing. | ||
| And Andrew Santino's comedy special... | ||
| Called Home Field Advantage comes out this Friday tomorrow, baby. | ||
| Dude, you're one of my favorite up-and-coming guys. | ||
| I think you're a fucking hilariously talented guy. | ||
| Thank you, man. | ||
| It means a lot to me. | ||
| Coming from you, that means a ton, dude. | ||
| Thank you, brother. | ||
| My man! | ||
| Alright, folks. | ||
| We'll be back tomorrow with Brett Weinstein. | ||
| And Brett Weinstein is that college professor that is being kicked out of school because... | ||
| He's been forced out of school because they actually closed Evergreen College down today because of threats. | ||
| The students have taken over the college and he was forced out because he wasn't willing to participate in a white stay home day. | ||
| They wanted all white people, all people of white privilege to stay home. | ||
| He was like, that's ridiculous. | ||
| I'm not going to not teach because I'm white. | ||
| And this guy's like a super progressive guy too, which is really crazy. | ||
| They're attacking him. | ||
| They're screaming in the hallways, hey, hey, ho, ho, this racist teacher has got to go. | ||
| They're calling him racist. | ||
| We are almost at the breaking point of political correctness. | ||
| We're going to talk to Brett Weinstein tomorrow about that. | ||
| And he's also a brilliant professor with a lot of other important stuff to talk about. | ||
| So we'll see you soon. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bye-bye. |
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