May 16, 2017 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:30:59
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
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unidentified
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The Joe Rogan Experience. | |
| Train by day. | ||
| Joe Rogan Podcast by night. | ||
| All day! | ||
| Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the post-UFC wrap-up show with Tony Hinchcliffe. | ||
| Hey, everybody. | ||
| And me, your host, Joe Rogan. | ||
| We are on a flight right now. | ||
| Coming back from Dallas, Texas. | ||
| Sorry. | ||
| I accidentally just kicked that lady's chair where we had a great old time at the Verizon Wireless Theater on Friday night and then the UFC last night and now we're headed back. | ||
| Shout out to Ryan, the dude we had breakfast with. | ||
| Turned out to be alright. | ||
| Turned out to be an interesting guy. | ||
| I was a little worried about him at first. | ||
| Came in strong with a few too many questions. | ||
| Interrupted a little bit. | ||
| He was aggressive. | ||
| But it turned out to be a very good dude. | ||
|
unidentified
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But you never know, man. | |
| Just meet some strange dude, have breakfast with him. | ||
| Could be rough, but he turned out to be very cool. | ||
| I think I snapped at him, though. | ||
| I was like, what is this, a questionnaire, bro? | ||
| Relax. | ||
|
unidentified
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But he was a good dude. | |
| He just... | ||
| Oh, thank you, man. | ||
| The young lady's bringing us the towels. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| She's got a crazy accent. | ||
| And I don't ever think like this, but Tony was wondering what she would sound like if she was having sex. | ||
| Yeah, anyway. | ||
| So we're on the flight back. | ||
| I've got to give up my little wet towel. | ||
| You can take them away so quickly. | ||
| You like to caress the towel? | ||
| I like to hold on to it for a little bit. | ||
| I like to feel like it cold. | ||
| It was still hot when she took it back. | ||
| What is that for? | ||
| To refresh you? | ||
| Is that the idea? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Or to make you know that you're not in business class or coach? | ||
| Yeah, business class, they just give you a piece of toilet paper. | ||
| Business class, they treat you almost as good, don't they? | ||
| How's that work? | ||
| No. | ||
| You haven't flown in business class in such a long time, you don't remember what it's like back there. | ||
| I flew coach just a month ago. | ||
| That's one thing, like, if you can't afford it. | ||
| It doesn't seem like it would be worth it, but what's worth it is you don't have to think about it as much. | ||
| You have more space, you can relax, you get off quicker, you get on quicker. | ||
| But people don't like it. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| Like, people like Southwest. | ||
| I feel like it's an egalitarian airline. | ||
| You get on Southwest and, you know, everybody's the same. | ||
| Yeah, I'm not into that. | ||
| I don't like lining up by the number at all. | ||
| It's not that bad. | ||
| It's effective. | ||
| It gets people on board without too much bullshit. | ||
| I think it's a good system. | ||
| And you can occasionally get lucky to sit next to some fun people. | ||
| I met a girl over the weekend that works for Southwest, and she's like, hey, you know, you must travel a lot. | ||
| If you ever want, I can get you a discount on Southwest flights. | ||
| I'm like, eh, I'm okay. | ||
| Sometimes you have to take them, though. | ||
| JetBlue's a good airline, that JetBlue that we flew from Buffalo to New York City. | ||
| JetBlue's nice. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| I feel like it's just, there's a thing going on where they just decided to shove as many people into a plane as possible, forget about how good the experience is. | ||
| But if you work for an airline, I'd have to imagine working for JetBlue feels better. | ||
| Than working for, like, United right now. | ||
| Everybody hates United after that dude got beat up and dragged off a plane. | ||
| Yeah, morale is low. | ||
| Must be such a bummer. | ||
| I mean, I bet flight attendants have to deal with all sorts of mean people that are snapping at them because that guy got beat up. | ||
| Right. | ||
| People start making reverse threats. | ||
| Like, oh, what are you going to do? | ||
| Drag me off of here? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Oh, for sure. | ||
| No, I just offered you a bag of peanuts. | ||
|
unidentified
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Ah! | |
| Yeah, for sure, right? | ||
| Like, what a terrible thing to see. | ||
| They decided he's already sitting down. | ||
| He's already about to fly. | ||
| I mean, and they say, nope, you got to get up. | ||
| And what's really weird is that, like, one dude made that decision. | ||
| He's just a security guy, probably for the airport, probably not specifically for United. | ||
| And he's just like, he's like, he had it with that Asian surgeon doctor guy. | ||
| He's like, you know what? | ||
| You have too much of an attitude for an Asian guy. | ||
| I'm going to drag you out of here. | ||
| Is that what happened? | ||
| I don't know if it had anything to do with the Asian guy part, but it felt like it. | ||
| I think the story was that they had some important United employees that had to be somewhere like that day. | ||
| They had to be somewhere for some sort of a meeting. | ||
| And so in their company, their idea is that these people take priority over the customer. | ||
| To the point where they, like, physically removed a customer and beat him up. | ||
| I mean, the way they grab that guy and he's screaming, like, that is crazy for someone who's done nothing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And all that guy did was be a customer. | ||
| And that's, like, one of the most devastating things you could ever watch if you're, like, one of the people that's in charge of publicity for that company. | ||
|
unidentified
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You'd be like, what the fuck did you guys do? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, oh my god, you beat that guy up and dragged him off the plane so an employee could steal his seat? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You're inconveniencing him. | ||
| You're saying, you're not as important as our employees. | ||
| Our employees are more important than you. | ||
| Like, that's so crazy that that's their policy. | ||
| And for it to be a doctor, like, that part's crazy too. | ||
| Is that what it was? | ||
| It was a doctor? | ||
| Yeah, it was a doctor or a dentist or something, but he had patients. | ||
| The next day. | ||
| And he's like, I have appointments. | ||
| I can't miss this flight. | ||
| My patients need me. | ||
| Man, that's so crazy. | ||
| That's so crazy. | ||
| It's just so sad. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's so sad. | ||
| Especially since he paid for it. | ||
| That's some really controversial stuff. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So if you think of the morale and the way it feels to be on that airplane versus the way it feels to be on a JetBlue, you get those nice big seats, little TVs behind the seats, it's not bad at all. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It's a good ride. | ||
| It's just enough space. | ||
| Maybe not if you're a big giant person, but for a dude my size, it's just enough space. | ||
| If you had... | ||
| You met my buddy Justin. | ||
| Justin Collett in Vegas. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| The giant. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| He's a legit giant. | ||
| He's like seven feet tall. | ||
| It's huge. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like that guy, he can't even sit in JetBlue without being... | ||
| That's... | ||
| But those are the outliers, you know? | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| JetBlue does the new flatbed red eyes. | ||
| Oh, do they? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I've heard about it. | ||
| It's a new thing. | ||
| Yeah man, JetBlue is a solid notch up. | ||
| Joey Diaz is a big JetBlue fan. | ||
| What is it, JetBlue airplane commercial we're doing here? | ||
| It's not what we're trying to do. | ||
| We're on Virgin right now. | ||
| Which is my favorite. | ||
| But they just got bought by Alaska, so it might be JetBlue soon. | ||
| I wonder what's going to happen. | ||
| What do I give a fuck? | ||
| It's true. | ||
| This is early morning nonsense talk with Joe and Tony. | ||
| I thought you guys were going to talk about the fights. | ||
|
unidentified
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We will. | |
| God, we will. | ||
| Getting there. | ||
| Warming up. | ||
| Fight before fight. | ||
| When do you think that Ioana and you will go on your first date? | ||
| I think it's going to be really soon, is my theory. | ||
| As you saw in this fight when she defended her championship, Last night. | ||
| She's very into me. | ||
| She kept looking at me. | ||
| Dude, she did keep looking at you. | ||
| Between every round, she made a point to like, you know, like, I sort of felt like her backup corner man. | ||
| She looked over at you, pointed to you, and started talking to you at one point. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| I was like, this is crazy. | ||
|
unidentified
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I know. | |
| Even Joe in D.C. turned around at one point. | ||
| Like, what the hell? | ||
| And she's pointing at Tony and talking to him. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| It's hilarious. | ||
| We inspire each other. | ||
| She was looking at me and I'm clapping. | ||
| I'm looking at her like, you got this. | ||
|
unidentified
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You got this. | |
| That's so crazy. | ||
| And then she was doing some sort of an interview before the fight and she said something and people were laughing and they were joking around about it. | ||
|
unidentified
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She goes, maybe Joe Rogan and Tony Hinchcliffe will take me on the road with them. | |
| Yes. | ||
| She's so funny. | ||
| She could do anything she wants. | ||
| The way she works, she's already funny. | ||
| Dude, she's a bad woman. | ||
| She gave her opponent a piece of cloth cut out to look like a belt It just said fantasy across the way. | ||
| So she probably did that herself, right? | ||
| Oh, totally. | ||
| She's like in the bathroom and shit at the hotel. | ||
| I'm making her fantasy bed. | ||
| Yes, exactly. | ||
| This is all you get, bitch. | ||
| This is as close. | ||
| Enjoy your piece of cloth. | ||
| But man, that girl that she fought, Jessica Andrade, what a tank. | ||
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unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| That woman is a tank. | ||
| It's interesting, man. | ||
| The women in that weight class are all very tough. | ||
| And they always put up a fight up until the rounds go on. | ||
| She just doesn't get any more tired than she does. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| She does, but she doesn't show it. | ||
| And those chicks all start to wear down. | ||
| You can see the slightest evidence of it in the last round. | ||
| That she was slowing down a little bit, but still, always on her feet, still moving. | ||
| Both of them, man. | ||
| They're both in phenomenal shape. | ||
| Because you gotta give it up to Andrade. | ||
| She took a fucking beating, man. | ||
| Oh yeah. | ||
| A beating and kept coming forward. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| A lot of front leg kicks. | ||
| She absorbed those whipping little Joanna Polish iron legs. | ||
| She had to switch her stance a couple of times. | ||
| She switched back and forth. | ||
| She's getting that leg chewed up. | ||
| She got tagged with some good shots, including a few head kicks. | ||
| Yeah, a lot of head kicks, man. | ||
| At least somewhere between 5 and 10 is what I counted. | ||
| Just big snappy head ones and that front snap kick to the chest that she looks. | ||
| Just makes me cringe. | ||
| That would hurt anybody. | ||
| Yeah, it was a really interesting combination of... | ||
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unidentified
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Oh, Jesus, bitch. | |
| This is... | ||
| Now you get to understand why Tony was attracted to her voice. | ||
| That's her over the line. | ||
| But it was a perfect combination of a ruthlessly powerful, attacking, determined person versus a person who maybe doesn't have as much physical power or maybe doesn't have as much pop on their shots, but is a brilliant tactician and a brilliant technician. | ||
| Her technique is so good, man. | ||
| Her footwork is so good. | ||
| She pops that jab out. | ||
| The way she, like, she, like, slips that leg kick in. | ||
|
unidentified
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Slap! | |
| You know, like, she's so high-level, man. | ||
| And Andrade kept trying to corner her. | ||
| She's like, no, not today. | ||
| No, we're not staying put. | ||
| We're not standing in front of you. | ||
| She never really stood in front of her. | ||
| She kept moving. | ||
| She kept moving. | ||
| She kept throwing a lot of, like, just one punches, I noticed Yolanda was. | ||
| In the first few rounds, a little bit different than the multiple combinations that I usually see her throw. | ||
| And I was gonna yell, like, Combinations! | ||
| But then I'm like, what the hell do I know? | ||
| And I just start yelling, set it up! | ||
| Set it up, Ioana! | ||
| You know what's interesting, man? | ||
| The real high-level kickboxing, like World Championship Muay Thai and Bellator and Glory and all those high-level kickboxing events you see on television, it's all three-minute rounds. | ||
| And what she's doing is she's kickboxing, like massive footwork, but she's also fighting off takedown defense, which makes you more tired, and she's adding another two minutes. | ||
| It's really interesting. | ||
| Well, I mean, if I showed you at least all the fights that I've seen, which is the last four or five whatever UFC fights, if we made a compilation of her getting taken down, Joana Janjacek, She pops right back up. | ||
| Every single time against Gedalia, against Valerie Letourneau, against everyone. | ||
| She absolutely refuses to stay down. | ||
| It's a weird mentality that my old wrestling coach I know wishes I had. | ||
| All the times he yelled at me, get up! | ||
| And it's hard. | ||
| There's a big, muscular person on your back, but she just sees through it. | ||
| She just looks at it one step at a time. | ||
| You can almost see she plants her foot, she posts up, and she stands up. | ||
| It's like she doesn't even look at it like a challenge. | ||
| She's also a superior athlete and a big part of her athleticism and in her kickboxing is her legs. | ||
| She's a big part of it is her ability to move which is like a lot of plyometric type activities and also her ability to throw power like in her leg kicks and her knees and stuff like that so her base and her legs are really strong and when you take her down she's so technical with her Muay Thai that she becomes that technical I'm sure with her grappling too so she's doing the right things and she's got a lot of power a lot of physical power with her legs she's explosive and fast her balance is sick Very, very hard to take down. | ||
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unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| And if you get her down, good luck keeping her down. | ||
| She's a little cat. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| She's really interesting, man. | ||
| And she was in full control when the, what seemed to be the, you know, um, oh my god, how do I forget her name? | ||
| Did she just fight last night? | ||
| Jessica Andrade? | ||
| Yes, Andrade. | ||
| When Andrade would put her against the fence, She would spin. | ||
| She would put her against the fence almost immediately. | ||
| She didn't want to judge to think that she had control at all for a second. | ||
| And she didn't. | ||
| It turns out she didn't have control. | ||
| It was really interesting because she was always dangerous, though. | ||
| Even though she had control of Andrade, Andrade was still winging bombs at her. | ||
| Any one of those could shut the lights out. | ||
| That girl was so tough, man. | ||
| I'm so impressed. | ||
| I'm super impressed with Ioana because she's so skillful. | ||
| Her movement was beautiful. | ||
| And the fact that she was able to do that for 25 minutes against a marauding challenger like that. | ||
| That girl just kept coming forward, man. | ||
| She'd tag her, she kept coming forward. | ||
| Kick her, keep coming forward. | ||
| I think it's really hard for women to knock out other women in that weight class especially, right? | ||
| But I think that... | ||
| It would be beneficial to some of these women if Joanna was just a little bit stronger to knock them out. | ||
| I think taking 300 of those hep, hep, hep, hep, like, little demon stone hands to the face, like... | ||
| Did you hear what Cormier said when he was doing commentary? | ||
|
unidentified
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He goes, she should have gone to jail for what she did to Carla Esparza. | |
| She should have gone to jail. | ||
| And he was laughing. | ||
| He was a funny dude, man. | ||
| Cormier is fun. | ||
| And he's so comfortable now. | ||
| It's really interesting. | ||
| He's so loose. | ||
| His trash talk is better. | ||
| Like, he's a different person. | ||
| I've never heard you guys both on there at the same time. | ||
| Are you guys both covering the, like... | ||
| Like, what's happening? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| All of it. | ||
| And is that weird for you to have someone? | ||
| No, it's great. | ||
| Love it. | ||
| Yeah, it's awesome, man. | ||
| I like doing it with him, and I like doing it with Dominic Cruz, too, and I want to do it with Brian Stan. | ||
| But, man, it's fun. | ||
| It's like doing it with a friend. | ||
| It's like, you know... | ||
| And plus, you're both enjoying the fights together. | ||
| Like, there was one point that... | ||
| Dude, Daniel Cormier is a fun guy, man. | ||
| He's really fun. | ||
| He says funny shit. | ||
| He'll look over at me in the middle of the fight, like a crazy fight. | ||
| He'll slap me on the arm and go, God damn! | ||
|
unidentified
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He'll look over at you and he'll mouth it sometimes. | |
| He'll share a moment with you where he's looking at this like, are you seeing what I'm seeing? | ||
| Holy shit! | ||
| Hi, how you doing? | ||
| I just ate. | ||
| We both just ate right before we got on board. | ||
| Just like a water please. | ||
| I'll have a cup of coffee. | ||
| Actually I'll have a coffee as well. | ||
| Just cream please. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| But, dude, he's really funny, man. | ||
| Like, super funny. | ||
| And, like, real friendly. | ||
| It's real weird how people don't see him that way, like, in the public eye. | ||
| And I think he's been, like, a little stiff in some press conferences, but this recent one that he did with Jon Jones, it was hilarious. | ||
| You hear what he said to him? | ||
| He goes, he goes, he goes, John, he goes, I don't even know if this fight's going to take place if you don't get in trouble for steroids or doing cocaine or sandblasted a prostitute. | ||
| Dude, he was hilarious. | ||
| What does that even mean? | ||
| I don't know what it means. | ||
| He was hilarious. | ||
| He was talking over John. | ||
| John was frustrated. | ||
| He was laughing. | ||
| He was all jovial. | ||
| It's like he's found the fun in this, man. | ||
| DC's found the fun in it. | ||
| It's really interesting. | ||
| He's so great. | ||
| That's another one. | ||
| He's like... | ||
| I mean, him, the Diaz brothers, and Yohan are like really my everything. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| DC's really, really, really been growing on me, especially, um... | ||
| I mean, it's like, just so many people had him counted out against Rumble, even in the second fight. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Which he won the first one, and still people are like, no way, he's gonna get his head knocked off. | ||
| And, yeah man, you want to talk about being in there with someone dangerous, like, you can hear and feel the wind blow by you when Rumble misses a punch. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, it causes a fucking, a tornado in Japan somewhere when Rumble misses a punch here in Vegas. | ||
| Like, that shit's crazy. | ||
| But don't you think in that fight, the rumble was kind of done with fighting? | ||
| I think people said that looking back. | ||
| I think he was trying. | ||
| I think it's sort of a cop-out way to look like you didn't lose twice to Cormier by saying I was going to retire anyway. | ||
| It's like, dude, if you're going to go out like that, then maybe retire before the fight. | ||
| No, I think he wanted to just, first of all, I'm sure he wanted the money. | ||
| It was real good money. | ||
| And I think he wanted to give it one more try. | ||
| But I think that as good as Rumble is, and I think he's physically one of the most talented guys of all time, if you don't want to do it, you shouldn't be doing it. | ||
| And clearly, if you retired afterwards, it's because he didn't want to do it. | ||
| This doesn't take anything away from his ability or who he is, or should it in any way be thought of as an insult. | ||
| It's a decision that he's made, a personal decision in life. | ||
| And it's his decision to make. | ||
| But when you make that decision, it changes who you are. | ||
| It's not a bad thing, but it does change who you are. | ||
| There's guys that, like, they're focused. | ||
| They're like a Max Holloway. | ||
| Focus and goal right now is being a champion. | ||
| Focus and goal right now is being... | ||
| He's not thinking whether or not he should be fighting anymore. | ||
| Like, he's not thinking that way. | ||
| And it's a personal decision. | ||
| One day, he's gonna think that way. | ||
| And when he does, he'll step away too. | ||
| Just like Rumble did. | ||
| But he probably had already decided in his head that he was gonna step away. | ||
| Do you think he would've stepped away had he won that? | ||
| He might've, yeah. | ||
| He might've. | ||
| He might've just decided to go out with the belt. | ||
| Look, he's been in a long time. | ||
| He's had a lot of hard fights, hard training sessions. | ||
| He said it himself. | ||
| I don't wanna get punched in the head anymore. | ||
| I don't wanna wrestle with dudes anymore. | ||
| And I get it, man. | ||
| You know, as talented as he is, he has to do what he wants to do. | ||
| That's what a man does. | ||
| That's what a human does. | ||
| If you want to be happy and fulfilled, you can't do something just because you're successful at it. | ||
| And so, he just didn't want to do it anymore. | ||
| And I think it should be applauded that he had the sense of self to do that, and that he could... | ||
| Thank you very much. | ||
|
unidentified
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You're welcome. | |
| Because, dude, he's one of the top contenders. | ||
|
unidentified
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So I have the meal here after... | |
| I'll take some half and half, please. | ||
|
unidentified
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Alright. | |
| Thank you very much. | ||
| So, like, I, you know, I mean, Daniel, Daniel beat him up both times, but I feel like the second time, I was just so surprised that he was clenching with Daniel. | ||
| I was like, this is crazy. | ||
| Yeah, very weird approach. | ||
| I guess that's the part where you could sort of see the retirement. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah, water. | |
| Thank you. | ||
| Or maybe he wanted to go out with a bang and try to take Daniel down, you know? | ||
| Which would be crazy. | ||
| But either way, man, the dude had an awesome career. | ||
| He's had crazy highlight reel KOs that will be his forever, you know? | ||
| Like what he did to Glover Teixeira, what he did to Minotauro Noguera. | ||
| Gustafson. | ||
| Yeah, Ryan Bader. | ||
| I mean, come on, son. | ||
| Rumble Johnson put the heat on people like no other. | ||
| Watching Gustafson cry in Sweden, like flying all the way to the other side of the world. | ||
| To watch a guy cry in front of his own people because some monster came and beat his head in. | ||
| But you know what? | ||
| That just goes to show you that in life sometimes you've got to do what you want to do, regardless of what everybody else thinks. | ||
| Because here's this guy who's, if not number one, number two, right behind the champ, right? | ||
| So you've got DC. He's either number one or Jon Jones is, and they've never fought, so we don't know. | ||
| But if Rumble and Jon Jones did fight, then we would know if Rumble's number two or if he's number one in terms of the biggest challenge to Cormier. | ||
| But, you know, he's got to do what he's got to do. | ||
| That's the cool thing about, you know, like, life. | ||
| You make decisions. | ||
| Like, you don't say to a guy, hey, man, how come you're not fighting MMA? Because he's like, I don't want to. | ||
| Shit, I never even trained it. | ||
| Like, come on, pussy. | ||
| You scared? | ||
| Like, no, I don't want to. | ||
| Like, I don't have to. | ||
| You know, and that's just because Rumble was really good at it doesn't mean he has to keep doing it. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Now he's going to go... | ||
| Knocked down airplanes out of the sky with his bare hands or something like that, right? | ||
| I'm saying he's a giant. | ||
| Are you drunk? | ||
| No, I'm not. | ||
| What happened to you? | ||
| You just fell apart. | ||
| You're like in the middle of that riff and you lost faith in it. | ||
| I can see it in your face. | ||
| You're like, I'm just going to follow through with this. | ||
| I'm just going to leave this turd out here. | ||
|
unidentified
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You're right. | |
| You got me. | ||
| I think he's going to do something with football. | ||
| He's involved with the Rams or something like that. | ||
| And like... | ||
| The business side of it. | ||
| That's the rumor I heard. | ||
| I shouldn't be spreading rumors. | ||
| But anyway, real good dude, too. | ||
| Rumble Johnson's always been a super nice guy. | ||
| Liked that dude. | ||
| And again, that highlight reel that he has, head kick knockout of Kevin Burns. | ||
| I mean, he's had some crazy knockouts, man. | ||
| The dude he knocked out, the one from The Ultimate Fighter. | ||
| Jesus, Louisa. | ||
| Remember that? | ||
| Oh. | ||
| He's a beast. | ||
| Every time he hits somebody square, their knees buckle. | ||
| It's like he hits them in their knees. | ||
| It's like he electrocutes their body and shifts. | ||
| It's like their whole body tenses up. | ||
| It's really interesting because he obviously has very good technique and he throws his body into everything very well. | ||
| He's obviously a really strong guy, but the strength that he has, the power that he has in his striking is almost like you're born with that. | ||
| He has all the elements to accentuate that power, He has all the technique. | ||
| His movement is excellent. | ||
| He's quick. | ||
| He's delivering these shots. | ||
| It's really well timed. | ||
| But there's more than that. | ||
| There's a component that is a natural gift that he has for hitting really hard. | ||
| It's what separates him. | ||
| It's like you have all these people that are really, really dangerous. | ||
| And then you have Rumble. | ||
| It's like he's in this total different dimension of his own where you just can't get hit. | ||
| If you get hit, you're fucked. | ||
| And the only guy who's been able to absorb it somehow is Cormier. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And he barely was. | ||
| That's why... | ||
| Like, I mean, that's why I love... | ||
| I mean, Cormier is really growing on me so much lately. | ||
| It's like... | ||
| Because he did absorb that. | ||
| And I hear the crowd, like... | ||
| Not give him credit for being an outstanding wrestler. | ||
| And barely avoiding... | ||
| I mean, his head got hit by Rumble in that first fight especially. | ||
| And it all started coming down, but he avoided it. | ||
| He fought a battle. | ||
| It's a battle. | ||
| And getting hit and recuperating is a huge part of it. | ||
| And not getting stuck in a chokehold by a wrestler is another part of it. | ||
| And Cormier survived his part. | ||
| And it surprises me that the crowd is against him. | ||
| I think that fight against Silva sort of hurt him with the crowd because, of course, yes, he's going to wrestle the shit out of Silva. | ||
| What are you going to do, right? | ||
| I don't think that was it. | ||
| I think it was all the Jon Jones stuff. | ||
| It was the fact that he got the title sort of in what many people consider an illegitimate manner, meaning that they stripped Jon Jones, which makes sense that they stripped him. | ||
| You know, he violated the code of the organization and He personally, immensely fucked up, made giant mistakes. | ||
| But everybody knew that John was the baddest motherfucker on the planet. | ||
| When it came to 205 pounds, there was one dude. | ||
| That dude was Jon Jones. | ||
| And the only thing that was beating Jon Jones is that Jon Jones wasn't training. | ||
| Jon Jones did this press conference the other day with Daniel, too, and Daniel was talking all kinds of shit. | ||
| Jon went deep. | ||
| He goes, I beat you after a weekend of cocaine. | ||
| And, dude, Michael Johnson was crying and laughing. | ||
| He was like, oh shit, oh shit. | ||
| That's the most cold-blooded stuff in the world. | ||
| I mean, the Diaz brothers, you know, blatantly smoking pot and beating up their opponents is one thing. | ||
| But to brag about doing an entire weekend of cocaine. | ||
| Dude, Jon Jones is a bad motherfucker. | ||
| I mean, nobody just does cocaine, right? | ||
| That means you were drinking, probably hooking up with hookers or whatever. | ||
| I mean, that seems to be how most people do cocaine. | ||
| I don't know how it works, but it doesn't seem like that thing you just do by yourself. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| Jon Jones could be the best of all time. | ||
| He really could, still. | ||
| He's only 30 years old. | ||
| There's only one way for us to know. | ||
| Daniel Cormier has to do cocaine for a week. | ||
| No, no, no, no. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, no, no, no, no. | |
| I think Daniel, in that fight, was hampered by emotion. | ||
| And I think that Jon really got under his skin and really taunted him and got him fired up to the point where it was detrimental to him. | ||
| He got overcome with emotion. | ||
| John is a good shit talker, man. | ||
| We did an interview where I sat in the middle and Daniel sat to my right and John sat to my left. | ||
| And dude, John's ruthless. | ||
| He's so ruthless. | ||
| It's a whole other part of the game. | ||
| You rack it up there with boxing and jujitsu and wrestling. | ||
| But you didn't even get to see it. | ||
| They didn't even put part of it online. | ||
| So the best shit... | ||
| But I'm just saying about shit talking overall. | ||
| But I'm saying Jon Jones' shit talking to Daniel Cormier, the best part, didn't even get online. | ||
| The best part, he was calling him his pussy. | ||
| He's like, he goes, you're my pussy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He goes, you're always going to be my pussy. | |
| He goes, I'll fuck you up every time we fight. | ||
| It's just like, he's like, it doesn't matter. | ||
| It doesn't matter what happens. | ||
| He goes, you know, every time we fight, I'll fuck you up. | ||
| He goes, you're supposed to be a big time wrestler? | ||
| He goes, I took you down, man. | ||
| He goes, you're an Olympic wrestler? | ||
| I took you down. | ||
| He's like, I beat your ass. | ||
| And Daniel was very mad. | ||
| I mean, the two of them were, it was very intense. | ||
| That was that face-to-face interview. | ||
| Yeah, it was intense. | ||
| You were in the middle in like a director's chair, right? | ||
| No, that's how Max Kellerman does it. | ||
| Oh, you know, yeah, I was in a director's chair. | ||
| Max Kellerman does it, I think, better, honestly. | ||
| Because what Max Kellerman does is he sort of faces the screen and the fighters face each other beside him to his right and to his left. | ||
| We had it almost in like sort of a semi-circle. | ||
| And so the fighters, it would have been better if we did it at a table the way HBO did it. | ||
| But it was the only time we ever did it, and it was very, very intense. | ||
| It was very intense. | ||
| Jon Jones is a bad motherfucker, dude. | ||
| And, like, DC had this whole crew with him, and Jon Jones was like, I'll fuck all you up. | ||
| I'll fuck you up. | ||
| He goes, don't look at me, big boy. | ||
| I'll fuck you up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like, dudes are scaring him. | |
| Dudes are staring at him and trying to give him some attitude. | ||
| Jon just straight up looks at him and is like, I'll fuck you up. | ||
| Don't look at me like that. | ||
| You think he's going to make it to this fight? | ||
| Oh yeah, for sure. | ||
| Yeah, for sure. | ||
| He's not going to fuck this up. | ||
| And what's fascinating to me is when you watch these guys jawing at each other when no one can see. | ||
| That's when you know there's no press. | ||
| There's me and a couple other people that are around that are UFC employees. | ||
| This is real. | ||
| This is two guys trying to get under each other's skin and John was very good at it. | ||
| So this was after the first fight when they were supposed to fight for the second time and then it got cancelled and John got stripped and the whole deal. | ||
| So now they're finally going to go after it, but John's only been back in the octagon once since then against Ovin St. Preux. | ||
| Yeah, I remember that. | ||
| I was at the bar, the comedy store. | ||
| So all this shit's been going down, and the only time John's been in the cage since all this shit went down is the Ovin St. Preux. | ||
| Since they were originally going to rematch... | ||
| He fought Ovin St. Preux. | ||
| He beat him, but he felt like he was off. | ||
| It seemed like he was off. | ||
| Could be. | ||
| I think Ovin St. Preux is real good, too. | ||
| And I also think he wasn't planning for Ovin St. Preux. | ||
| He was planning for someone else, you know? | ||
| That was when Daniel got injured, wasn't it? | ||
| No. | ||
| Did Daniel get injured? | ||
| I don't even remember. | ||
| I'm not even going to look it up. | ||
| How about that, folks? | ||
| The point being, that's an interesting fight, man, because they're going to go at it again in July, and now Cormier's got all this momentum on his side. | ||
| Cormier beat Rumble. | ||
| He defended against Gustafson. | ||
| Or did he beat Gustafson to win it? | ||
| No, Rumble beat Gustafson. | ||
| Cormier beat Rumble. | ||
| No, Cormier beat Rumble to win it. | ||
| That's how he got the title. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| And then he defended against Gustafson. | ||
| And then he defended against Rumble. | ||
| And he just fought Silva in a non-title match in between. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| That was a weird fight. | ||
| Yeah, that was weird. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Double leg takedown, shoot low, follow through. | ||
| Yeah, he does. | ||
| He's a bigger man that's a wrestler. | ||
| I mean, it's one of those, like, if it ain't broke, don't fix it things, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, Cormier is just such a stud wrestler. | ||
| You ever see his fight with Dan Anderson? | ||
| It's been a while. | ||
| Dan Henderson, who's a beast, you know, he's a former Olympic wrestler himself, but just not really the same size. | ||
| And Cormier just threw him around, man. | ||
| I mean, just threw him all over the place. | ||
| I think he choked him out, too. | ||
| I think he choked him unconscious. | ||
| But I mean, he just manhandled him. | ||
| And you realize, like, how strong Cormier really is. | ||
| And how good his wrestling really is. | ||
| It's like super, super high-level shit, man. | ||
| That fight last night that stole the show was, uh... | ||
| Was, uh, LaShawn? | ||
| What's that? | ||
| Chase Sherman and Rashad Colton. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Good lord. | ||
| Rock'em, sock'em robots. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| In an octagon. | ||
| It was interesting because, again, I don't know what you guys were saying in commentary. | ||
| You're just far enough away where I can't hear you. | ||
| I noticed that the guy, not Lashon, but his opponent... | ||
| Rashad. | ||
| Rashad. | ||
| Lashon. | ||
| Just give him some random black name. | ||
| I'm from an all-black neighborhood. | ||
| I just call everybody Lashon. | ||
| He was kicking Rashad's leg over and over again to where Rashad couldn't use it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But then he kept going for this knockout instead of just keeping attacking the leg. | ||
| Like, what do you think about that? | ||
| Well, he definitely got a little anxious, and he allowed Rashad to get back into it, like whopping him with some haymakers. | ||
| But, you know, it's just part of what's going to come with experience. | ||
| He's a young kid. | ||
| I think he's only 24 years old, 24 or 25, Sherman. | ||
| And, um, if I remember correctly, and he's under the tutelage of Alan Belcher and, um, So I think he's got real potential, man. | ||
| He's also done some work in Albuquerque. | ||
| I think he was there with Winkle John and the Jackson people in Albuquerque. | ||
| So great coaching. | ||
| Looked real good, man. | ||
| Looked real good on his feet. | ||
| And just it was a slobber knocker, man. | ||
| Crazy back and forth heavyweight fight. | ||
| But if that kid can get it together, like, he's got real good movement, real good kicks. | ||
| You just gotta make good choices. | ||
| Like, decide when to go in, when to charge for, when to put yourself in danger. | ||
| He didn't have to. | ||
| He could've kept doing what he was doing. | ||
| That dude was kind of incapacitated with those leg kicks. | ||
| Yeah, it was a fireworks show. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's one of those ones where... | ||
| Is that guy from American Top Team 2? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Who? | |
| Rashad? | ||
| No, his opponent. | ||
| Sherman? | ||
| No. | ||
| I'm pretty sure he was with Jacksons. | ||
| That American Top Team had so many fighters in it. | ||
| It's like an anomaly, right? | ||
| Yeah, it was pretty crazy. | ||
| And they all did pretty good. | ||
| Yeah, they did pretty good. | ||
| I mean, Ioana won, obviously. | ||
| Junior got knocked out. | ||
| The one was called a draw with the... | ||
| With Eddie Alvarez's knee kick. | ||
| But that was, I don't know about that one. | ||
| Well, Masvidal, who's an American top team, lost to Maya in as close a decision as you're ever going to get. | ||
| It was a split decision. | ||
| And Daniel was trying to figure out what he thinks. | ||
| He was like, do you give the guy more credit? | ||
| We're doing damage for the first half of the round, or do you give the guy more credit for being able to control the guy and go after submissions for the second half of the round? | ||
| And what is worth more? | ||
| It's a really good question. | ||
| Because the Masvidal-Damian Meyer fight, like one round of it, particularly the second round, is a really good case study and judging. | ||
| And maybe athletic commissions should review that fight and say, hey, this fight's a really good example of a fight where... | ||
| It's really subjective, and we have to kind of quantify what is more important. | ||
| If you've got the exact same amount of time, but one thing hurt the guy and one thing didn't, does it go towards a kickboxer, or does it go towards the one half of the round where the guy was fighting off being strangled for every second of that two and a half minutes? | ||
| What do you think? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It's an interesting argument. | ||
| On one side, I feel like Masvidal did more damage, and that should be worth something. | ||
| But on the second part of it, Masvidal wasn't threatening at all once Maya got on his back. | ||
| So once Maya got on his back, it's like, Jesus, man, this is a constrictor on top of you. | ||
| And Masvidal did defend at one time, and at the end of one of the rounds, the first round, I believe, got Maya off his back and landed some good shots. | ||
| Maya was trying to take him down and control him again. | ||
| So he did get off some damage. | ||
| So arguably, he could have got that round because he did a little damage in the beginning. | ||
| Maya took him down and he defended successfully. | ||
| And then he did some damage at the end. | ||
| You'd really have to have a real conversation about what's most important. | ||
| Is control most important? | ||
| Or is damage most important? | ||
| Or is threat most important? | ||
| Because Masvidal wasn't close to knocking Maia out. | ||
| He didn't have him staggering around the cage. | ||
| But that could have come at any moment. | ||
| So it's like there's threat there. | ||
| And he's clearly hitting Maia more than Maia's hitting him. | ||
| So you have to assess, like, what's more threatening. | ||
| Because when Maia's got you down, it's got your back, boy, there's a really high likelihood you're getting choked. | ||
| But yet, Masvidal figured out a way to get out of that, so he should also get a little bit of credit for his great defense, but more credit should be to Maia's control and Maia's attacking and Maia's owning the position. | ||
| Like, he pretty much controlled the position for a good chunk of that fight when he got the back or when he got him on the ground. | ||
| So it's a weird conversation. | ||
| Judges last night with the Texas State Athletic Commission. | ||
| Some of them. | ||
| Do these people work with... | ||
| Are they the same people that are in the Vegas State Athletic Commission? | ||
| Sometimes. | ||
| Depends on the commission. | ||
| That's a good question. | ||
| I think... | ||
| I would have to look it up to be sure. | ||
| But I think some commissions will bring in more experienced guys. | ||
| They'll hire people, especially with referees. | ||
| You see that there's referees like Herb Dean, who's super experienced. | ||
| And you get like Yves Levine, who's also super experienced. | ||
| Dan Berglietta, super experienced. | ||
| And you get these guys, you'll see them all over the place. | ||
| They'll do a-- - I saw you ask Herb Dean after the Eddie Alvarez, and I don't know if we heard Yeah. | ||
| The answer. | ||
| What did he say to him? | ||
| Well, first of all, Herb is like one of the most reasonable and logical guys you'll ever talk to after a fight like that. | ||
| He's not emotional at all. | ||
| And it's one of the reasons why I think he's like the gold standard. | ||
| It's him and Big John McCarthy in my eyes who are the best of the best. | ||
| Not that there's anything wrong with the other people. | ||
| There's a lot of great referees. | ||
| I think Dan Mergliata does a great job too. | ||
| But Herb is so calm in there. | ||
| He just makes good decisions. | ||
| And he is not a big fan at all of guys playing that game, of touching the hand down to the ground and avoiding the knee. | ||
| He thinks it's bullshit, and he thinks if you get hit when you're playing that game, he's going to let it go. | ||
| He's like, it's too much of a scrap, like Eddie Alvarez was saying, this is a fist fight. | ||
| And he's just trying to win, and he's pulling triggers. | ||
| And they're in questionable moments. | ||
| The referee's not stopping him. | ||
| He's not saying he's down. | ||
| The fighter's down. | ||
| Like, you can't even see sometimes. | ||
| If you're holding onto a guy or you're in a situation where you're just a few inches from him, you're not sure whether or not his hand is touching the ground, but you are sure you can fucking knee him in the head. | ||
| A lot of times you're just going to go for that knee to the head. | ||
| You're going to take that chance. | ||
| And I think that's what Eddie said, and I think Dustin believed him too because, you know, Dustin stood up for him. | ||
| In the post-fight interview, he was like, don't you boo this man. | ||
| He's the guy who got hit with the illegal shot, and he was still saying, don't boo this guy. | ||
| So I asked her after the fight, I said, what did you think? | ||
| I go, these are the old rules, right? | ||
| So if it's the old rules and one hands down, then it's illegal, right? | ||
| He goes, yes. | ||
| He goes, but I don't feel like it was bearing weight. | ||
| He goes, you know, he's definitely playing the game and he definitely was putting his hands down, but I felt like the first time it wasn't bearing weight. | ||
| And that's how I define it. | ||
| And he's like, and then the second time, it was a legit mistake. | ||
| The second time was definitely illegal. | ||
| But I felt like he was in the middle of throwing it when it all happened. | ||
| And I think he's correct in that. | ||
| So he's the guy that's closest to the action, and he's got to make the most pertinent decision. | ||
| I also think... | ||
| It's gonna be a weird issue with referees that do events that have the new rules and then do events that have the old rules. | ||
| And it's pretty much universally agreed that the new rules are the way to go. | ||
| So with the touching of the hands on the mat, it's gonna be interesting to see if there's like an interpretation that favors Why weren't the new rules adopted for Texas last year? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| You know, I mean, I think it's probably different with each organization. | ||
| They have to make decisions and they decide themselves whether or not they have... | ||
| I mean, it might be a budget issue. | ||
| Maybe they don't have time to review it. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It might be they disagree. | ||
| Who knows, man? | ||
| You know, these athletic commissions can make their own decisions when it comes to that. | ||
| But as far as, like, the good of the sport, it would be nice if we all agreed. | ||
| And I think... | ||
| I don't think... | ||
| The real concern would be whether or not it's bad for the safety of the fighter. | ||
| I don't think it is. | ||
| Because I think it encourages fighting more than it encourages stall techniques. | ||
| So if you give someone a stall technique, like the ability to put your hands on the ground, you won't get knee in the face, you're going to take it. | ||
| Some guys are, in some situations. | ||
| It's going to be a desperado move that if it's there, you're going to reach for it. | ||
| But if it's not there, you won't reach for it. | ||
| So in terms of the actual effectiveness of overall fighting and the realism of fighting, it's better to get it out. | ||
| We don't want it in there. | ||
| I don't think it really does protect people. | ||
| I think the people that are going to get in need are going to get in need. | ||
| I think what it does is it protects you for that brief moment, but in the decision that you make, To do that, you're making a purely defensive decision. | ||
| You're putting your hands on the mat, both of them, so this guy can't knee you in the face. | ||
| That's not a good sign in a fight. | ||
| You're in a bad position. | ||
| Sometimes you can rebound from a bad position, no doubt about it, but I don't think we should reward I don't think you should have these escape routes where someone can touch the mat and not be able to... | ||
| It's like, I'm on base. | ||
| I'm safe. | ||
| You know? | ||
| So I think Herb was right, ultimately. | ||
| But according to the strict interpretation of the rules, it was an illegal blow. | ||
| So it was interesting that he made it in no contest. | ||
| He can sort of get away with that. | ||
| He sort of has leeway, right? | ||
| Well, it's open to interpretation. | ||
| I haven't read anything online, but I guarantee you it'll be controversial. | ||
| I mean, it's just a hot-button subject, and people will be debating it back and forth, and there's going to be people that agree with Herb. | ||
| There's gonna be people that disagree with him. | ||
| But ultimately, that's the toughest job, next to being a fighter, in MMA. The guy who has to make those calls, and I give them a shit ton of respect, man. | ||
| I used to be a baseball umpire for Little League, and that was hard. | ||
| And to think, man, so much passion. | ||
| And if it's like a tie, and if I go safe, that this side goes crazy. | ||
| But if I go out, that side goes crazy. | ||
| And it's so close. | ||
| And to think that those guys have to make those decisions with dudes' health and lives. | ||
| That those are fathers and children and brothers and sisters and everything. | ||
| And that's a crazy gig, man. | ||
| Knowing how many punches and whether the person just sort of seems like they're out of it or if they're still defending themselves. | ||
| Their whole livelihood. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's a crazy job. | |
| Yeah, it is a crazy job, Ben. | ||
| And you have to know a lot about MMA. You have to really understand when a guy's actually in trouble, when you need to step in. | ||
| You have to have seen a bunch of guys get hit. | ||
| You've got to know when a guy's done. | ||
| And it's subjective. | ||
| And you can make bad calls. | ||
| And sometimes you make bad calls and there's nothing you can do about it. | ||
| I mean, in the early days, Big John McCarthy... | ||
| Uh, was refereeing a fight between Matt Lindland and Murillo Bustamante, and Murillo Bustamante tapped Matt Lindland, and then Lindland said that he didn't tap. | ||
| So they restarted the fight, and they went back at it again, and then Bustamante tapped him again a later round. | ||
| So they tapped him twice in the same fight. | ||
| When it happened, you were commentating? | ||
| I believe so. | ||
| Did you see him tap on the video? | ||
| Do you remember? | ||
| I'm trying to remember if I was commentating. | ||
| It's hard to remember. | ||
| It's like they all get blurry after a while. | ||
| I'm pretty sure I was, but man, I might not have been now that I think about it. | ||
| I'll have to go back and listen. | ||
| But I remember the fight clearly. | ||
| Because I remember going, oh no. | ||
| He stood him up? | ||
| And now they're going to make him fight again? | ||
| I'm like, that's crazy. | ||
| He already won though. | ||
| He won. | ||
| All you have to do is look at the replay and you can see Lin-Lin tap. | ||
| And he said, look, if they give him another chance to fight, he's going to take another chance to fight. | ||
| If he can con his way back into a fight, he's going to do it. | ||
| So he said, I didn't tap. | ||
| He'll let him go back in there again. | ||
| That's a baller move. | ||
| It's such a baller move. | ||
| I didn't tap. | ||
| I was just moving my hand back and forth. | ||
| Well, the more baller move is Bustamante tapping him again. | ||
| He's going to go, really? | ||
| And then he caught him in the guillotine the second time. | ||
| But that's happened before. | ||
| That's happened in fights before. | ||
| The guys said they didn't tap when they did. | ||
| And so, because of that, people have been forced to hold submissions and wait until the referee literally separates them. | ||
| But that's also what got... | ||
| People are super sensitive about that with knee bars. | ||
| With chokes, it doesn't seem to bother people as much. | ||
| People don't get mad if somebody holds onto a choke. | ||
| Speaking of knees, another thing I thought was really cool from last night was the other female fight and the lady's kicks from her back. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Unbelievably effective. | ||
| Cordy Casey. | ||
| Yeah, right on the kneecap, trying to hyperextend those legs. | ||
| Even from our angle, it looked like it was really working. | ||
| You could see her leg bending back and she didn't want to fuck with that after a while. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| In the beginning, the crowd was going crazy because the bigger girl dragged her to the middle of the ring by her foot. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| It got the crowd into it. | ||
| But as the fight went on, she was beating the shit out of her from her back with her feet. | ||
| It was very, very, very awesome. | ||
| Again, I wish I knew what you guys were talking about over there because over there, I'm like, it's interesting... | ||
| Because you're sort of watching the fight in arena, you're sort of like on an island by yourself when you're not, when you don't have a headset on, you can't hear you guys. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But, man! | ||
| And you're only watching it right in front of you, too. | ||
| You're not really seeing it on the monitors very much. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Exactly. | ||
| So it's all very, like, you're just trying to make sure that what you're seeing is real. | ||
| It's weird not hearing you guys. | ||
| Because I hear you guys everywhere else. | ||
| At home, on the internet, on the phone. | ||
| But you're that close to the action, you don't have it. | ||
| It's very bizarre. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So what were you guys, what was that like? | ||
| Well, I was impressed. | ||
| I was saying that like what she's doing is like kind of next level up kicking. | ||
| Like her up kicks are so good. | ||
| And that Aguilar was making a mistake of being right in front of her. | ||
| It was Daniel's point. | ||
| And then Aguilar's knees are getting jacked. | ||
| She kept getting hyperextended and Daniel was saying all the different things she could do to avoid that. | ||
| But I was just so impressed with Courtney Casey's up kicks. | ||
| I was like, she's taking up kicks to the next level. | ||
| And I'm thinking, like, man, I bet upkicks are just one of those things that if you just practice it, you get really good at it. | ||
| I bet we haven't really seen the full potential of upkicks. | ||
| I bet somebody would just be so deadly that you wouldn't even want to get close to them when they're on their back. | ||
| Right, imagine that opponent, the one that just lays down as soon as the ball rings, just like, oh, shit! | ||
| Oh, they just pretend to fall down and fuck you up off their back. | ||
| Hey, I still feel like Nate Diaz was setting a trap for Conor in that second fight those two times. | ||
| That could very well be. | ||
| I totally see him trying to make it look like that was one of their plans, make it look like Connor got me on the chin, let Connor overreact, and then mousetrap. | ||
| Didn't he say that? | ||
| Didn't he say that? | ||
| I never officially heard it. | ||
| He may have said it in a post-press conference or something, but it felt like a mousetrap to me. | ||
| I don't even know if he would admit that, even if he would, because I don't think he'd want to give away his strategies. | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| Well, I think... | ||
| Look, he's got such a giant advantage on the ground. | ||
| Imagine if Nate Diaz became like a killer wrestler. | ||
| Like, Nate Diaz is like, you know, Kevin Randleman back in the day, like, shooting these power doubles and getting dudes on the ground. | ||
| Like, Nate Diaz's ground game is very high level, man. | ||
| He's super nasty at mixing up strikes with his submissions, too. | ||
| Like, what set up that submission, first of all, is the strikes on the feet, he popped Conor in the jaw, had him rocked, and then got him on the ground and was busting him up on the ground. | ||
| And then Conor gave up his back trying to escape the mount. | ||
| And he chokes him. | ||
| Nate beat him standing up. | ||
| That shot Conor took was absolute garbage. | ||
| Garbage shot. | ||
| He was really hurt. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He was just trying to hang on. | ||
| He was just trying to hang on. | ||
| Antonio Tarver, was that right? | ||
| Last week said that too. | ||
| Tarver? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Old boxer? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's the new striking coach for American Top Team. | ||
| Oh really? | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Oh wow. | ||
| Or the Black Zillions. | ||
| I'm sorry. | ||
| The Black Zillions. | ||
| Sorry. | ||
| Yeah, he's the new striking coach for the Black Zillions. | ||
| Man, that's such an offensive thing that I just said. | ||
| You don't even know. | ||
| The Black Zillions, the American top team, have a giant rivalry with each other to the point where they had an ultimate fighter where the two teams faced off against each other for a whole season. | ||
| So my apologies to American top team. | ||
| Black Zillions got... | ||
| Either way, Tarver's a bad motherfucker. | ||
| Remember when he knocked out Roy Jones? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Dude. | ||
| Amazing. | ||
| But anyway, he said that it should be Nate Diaz going up against Floyd Mayweather, because Nate Diaz beat Conor McGregor, and I'm totally on that same wavelength where it's like, yeah, what are we talking about here? | ||
| Like, I just want to see more of the Diaz brothers overall in anything. | ||
| I guess that's my thing, is that... | ||
| Well, I agree that it definitely would still sell a shit ton of money. | ||
| A shit ton of pay-per-views, rather. | ||
| Make a shit ton of money. | ||
| I mean, I just don't think that Nate Diaz has the international appeal that Conor has. | ||
| Nate Diaz should. | ||
| Nate Diaz in America is a goddamn hero. | ||
| And I don't think the UFC is totally aware of what a big star he is. | ||
| I don't think so either. | ||
| I think he could be just three, four, five fights away from being... | ||
| What McGregor is to Ireland for Mexico. | ||
| Well, he's American, bro. | ||
| I know, but trust me, we're all American. | ||
| But my point is, it's like, you know, they need that. | ||
| I think UFC really still needs a huge Mexican superstar. | ||
| I think that they've had them, and I don't mean from Mexico, Mexico. | ||
| I mean, like, just Mexico to help people get into it, and it's a big part of it. | ||
| Well, that's one of the things that people are excited about with Yair Rodriguez. | ||
| But he just bit off way more than he could chew last night against Frankie Edgar. | ||
| Frankie just mauled him. | ||
| Like, literally mauled him. | ||
| The best defense is a good offense, and he just kept going at it. | ||
| Well, as a person who's a kicker... | ||
| Like, you realize when you're kicking, you're standing on one leg. | ||
| I mean, you're vulnerable. | ||
| You're just more vulnerable to being taken down by a guy who's an elite MMA wrestler. | ||
| And when I say MMA wrestler, I mean a guy who's used to catching kicks, understands where the kicks are coming, where they're coming from, knows when it's happening, there's no hesitation, dives on it, and takes you down. | ||
| No, thank you. | ||
| No, thank you. | ||
| No, I'm good. | ||
| I'm good on everything. | ||
| Thank you very much. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| I feel like I've been watching Frankie Edgar forever. | ||
| You have been. | ||
| I mean, he beat BJ Penn for the title. | ||
| Shit. | ||
| I don't know when it was, but I want to say it was like 2008 or 9 maybe. | ||
| That was a long time ago, man. | ||
| He's still in the heat at 145. I mean, he proved with that fight that he is in the heat. | ||
| He looked great afterwards. | ||
| He walked up near us and, like, it was just, like, didn't even look like he fought that day. | ||
| Very amazing. | ||
| Yeah, it just goes to show you how good Aldo really is. | ||
| You know, because Aldo's already beaten him twice. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The thing is, man, I want to see Aldo versus McGregor, but it's a hard sell. | ||
| When someone knocks you out in 13 seconds, it's super hard to say, I gotta get a second shot at him. | ||
| I think it goes both ways. | ||
| I think it makes it hard to get another shot at him, and I think it makes it easier to get another shot at him because we know that's a goddamn anomaly. | ||
| I know we would all feel silly if, say, they did it again and he knocked them out in eight seconds and we're like, are you fucking kidding? | ||
| Let me tell you something, he could. | ||
| Connor could. | ||
| If he does that, then we melt down that belt, we melt down the gold into a crown, and you put it on Connor's head, and you say... | ||
| You're done. | ||
| Go enjoy your crown. | ||
| You're done. | ||
| You're now on Game of Thrones. | ||
| You're no longer a fighter. | ||
| Isn't that amazing if you requested a crown? | ||
| I don't fight for belts anymore. | ||
| I fight for crowns. | ||
| I melted my belt into the crown. | ||
| That's a terrible accent. | ||
| I don't do accents. | ||
| That's what the Undertaker once did. | ||
| He once melted down the WWF belt into a championship. | ||
| Like a necklace. | ||
| Did he really? | ||
| No, actually it wasn't him. | ||
| That was like the godfather that was like a pimp. | ||
| He was like a pimp wrestler. | ||
| He won the WWE belt and he had the gold melted down into like a pimp's necklace. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Basically, he was like, fuck your belt. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| I love the storylines like that. | ||
| Oh yeah. | ||
| Wrestling is so campy. | ||
| It's so silly. | ||
| The thing about wrestling is though, man, when you joke around about it, people get super upset. | ||
| They sort of do. | ||
| Oh, they get upset, man. | ||
| People also obviously get sort of very happy too. | ||
| I think it goes both ways. | ||
| It takes a real moron to get upset about it. | ||
| There's a lot of real morons out there though. | ||
| Well, hey, you had me upset that one time because you kept saying that It was not real, and we know it's not real. | ||
| Like, that part's not surprising to us, but you kept saying that, like, Game of Thrones was real and stuff. | ||
| You're watching a play. | ||
| You go to see musicals. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They might as well be singing. | |
| Sometimes they sing on wrestling, too. | ||
| You know Daniel Cormier is a big wrestling fan. | ||
| Oh, yeah, I'm sure he is. | ||
| He's a silly fella. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But there's definitely a lot of that. | ||
| I mean, we talked about this years ago on a podcast where I said, you know, I think more elements of pro wrestling in the UFC would do him justice because it just makes for entertainment. | ||
| And since then, this Irishman has become a big deal, the Diaz brothers of these tough characters. | ||
| We're starting to just find out more about the characters, and that's sort of what I meant. | ||
| Nothing fake or anything, but just... | ||
| The entertainment part is a big side of the UFC, and it's a big side of boxing, and it's a big side of all of sports, and I think the UFC is really embracing that, and also having a little bit of trouble embracing it, but also embracing it. | ||
| Well, I think they definitely embrace it, but you also have to respect the hierarchy of championship. | ||
| Like the Amanda Nunes-Ronda Rousey thing. | ||
| When they were doing that big promo and they were only featuring Ronda Rousey. | ||
| I don't know whose decision that was. | ||
| I'm not going to criticize them. | ||
| They did their best. | ||
| They created a very interesting... | ||
| Compelling little piece that got me fired up about the fight. | ||
| I got fired up about the fight when I saw that. | ||
| So they did a good job on it. | ||
| But I don't think they paid nearly enough attention to the danger that is Amanda Nunes. | ||
| And I think that if they showed that, it would have made it even more compelling. | ||
| Because Amanda's a fucking monster. | ||
| That chick hits hard. | ||
| She's ferocious. | ||
| She's nasty on the ground and she knows how to win. | ||
| And she's an attacker. | ||
| And if they just showed the highlights, man, just showed her beating up Misha Tate, strangling her. | ||
| They showed her putting it to people, man, the way she did to Sarah Kaufman. | ||
| Or not Sarah Kaufman, Sarah McMahon. | ||
| Dude, she's a beast. | ||
| And so they didn't even really concentrate on it, and she was the champion. | ||
| And I was like, well that's silly. | ||
| Like, I'm all for the showbiz part, but you're missing out on one star here. | ||
| You're focusing on your current star and missing out on an opportunity to highlight a new star. | ||
| And by the way, and that's not even, that's what I'm saying is that that isn't the showbiz way to do it. | ||
| The showbiz way to do it is to To pump up Nunes. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| And to show that when, like if Vince McMahon was running it, I know that sounds crazy, but that's what he would do. | ||
| Since he doesn't know who's going to win, he would pump up Nunes instead of Ronda. | ||
| We already know Ronda. | ||
| So when Ronda beats Nunes, it's like Ronda's back. | ||
| You know, I had heard that Vince McMahon was thinking about buying the UFC when it was for sale. | ||
| Oh, I'm sure. | ||
| You know how crazy that would have been if he took over? | ||
| He's bought all of his other competition except for boxing throughout history. | ||
| And I don't think the UFC is obviously not competition, but I think it would have been interesting to see what he would have done. | ||
| It would have been interesting to see if he would have let it keep building or if he would have just cut it out and... | ||
| Disintegrated it. | ||
| Well, it's also interesting to see whether or not it's problematic to have a guy from the showbiz side of athletics, which there's no doubt about it, those pro wrestlers are fucking athletes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You can't look at Brock Lesnar and tell me he's not an athlete. | ||
| You can't look at John Cena and tell me he's not an athlete. | ||
| The Rock, all those guys, they're fucking stud athletes, no doubt about it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't know, the gay guy? | ||
| Yeah, that's the guy that, yeah. | ||
| Like when Brock Lester did that 360 flip in the air and landed on his fucking head and still finished the match, like, okay, that's, if you like Cirque du Soleil and you think those people are athletes, for sure this motherfucker's a serious athlete. | ||
| But there's also the fact that it's entertainment. | ||
| So if a guy goes from that side of the business and then goes to the side of the business where it's supposed to be pure sport, which is the pure sport, MMA, right? | ||
| A sport that has always had a reputation, or at least the whispers, of being fixed. | ||
| You're always hearing about a fixed fight. | ||
| Like in Japan in particular, you heard about a bunch of fixed fights. | ||
| And there was a recent case where someone in the UFC had an offer to fix a fight, but didn't go through with it. | ||
| But there was evidence, apparently, there was a big story about a couple of weeks ago about the first evidence that someone was attempting to fix a fight. | ||
| So even though it didn't get fixed, someone had tried to put influence on someone to fix a fight, allegedly. | ||
| But in Pride, we know for a fact it happened. | ||
| I know firsthand from people that were in fixed fights. | ||
| I know from people that were told that a fight was going to be fixed for them. | ||
| So it's not speculation whether or not there was fights that have been fixed in the past. | ||
| So to have a guy like Vince McMahon come over and run things, there would have to be a very clear delineation. | ||
| I think he'd have at least really good ideas. | ||
| Oh, dude, no doubt about it. | ||
| But I know this, the Diaz brothers would be fighting, and it would be crazy shit. | ||
| It'd be Connor versus Nick after the Nate thing, and it would be... | ||
| I think you're right. | ||
| And things like that, because he knows that pop. | ||
| You know what they do is they just listen to the crowd. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's how they write it. | ||
| It's not like some thing where he's going to stick to some... | ||
| Well, sometimes he does. | ||
| That's why everybody hates that one guy, Roman Reigns, because he just keeps letting him win, which is like, for the first time, a storyline that we've never even heard of. | ||
| Because the crowd hates this guy, but they keep letting him win. | ||
| So now he gets nothing but heat. | ||
| Nothing but booze, because we're like, fuck this guy, he sucks, we know you're going to let him win. | ||
| It makes no sense, so he's fucking with us really good. | ||
| But other than that guy, other than that exception, he listens to the crowd. | ||
| And like, you know, I mean, it's just another perfect example, looking back at the Nunes-Ronda thing, looking at that analogy, he would have focused on the Diaz brothers, and he would have focused on Nate Waking up and smoking a joint and going for a run. | ||
| Like, he would embrace that side of that storyline. | ||
| Because that is the interesting part. | ||
| That's what everybody's saying about, you know, the John Jones Cormier thing over at that presser is like, I did cocaine all weekend and beat you up. | ||
| But the Diaz brothers have been running triathlons while drinking tequila and smoking joints. | ||
| Like it's nothing. | ||
| Like they don't even think about that. | ||
| It's like how we have a cup of coffee in the morning. | ||
| They literally smoke a joint. | ||
| I read it in a thing. | ||
| They smoke a joint before getting up and going on a 10 mile run. | ||
| Get the fuck out of here. | ||
| These guys are animals, and that should be embraced. | ||
| That should be talked about. | ||
| That should be part of their storyline. | ||
| That's what I love about them is because, by the way, even though I'm not a super athlete, that's sort of how I live. | ||
| I like smoking pot. | ||
| I like drinking at night with my friends and I think I still can get my work done and do all that and have fun and be productive and that's sort of where I connect with those guys. | ||
| And why I like their style. | ||
| Granted, I'm a comedian. | ||
| It's more fitting for my lifestyle to be able to smoke pot and drink. | ||
| But I think that them being able to do all that is inspirational and goes to show you that you can have fun and work hard. | ||
| And work hard and have fun. | ||
| Yeah, they're really unusual too in that Most people associate triathletes and, you know, endurance athletes and the like, like that. | ||
| You don't think of them as, like, thugs. | ||
| You know, but you think of Nick Diaz. | ||
| You think of him as this bad motherfucker that also happens to run triathletes. | ||
| He's not, like, some granola crunching. | ||
| He's a street dude who knows how to fight. | ||
| And at the same time, he is. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| I'll have another one of those. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That'd be great. | |
| Me too, please. | ||
| Thank you very much. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| It's funny because, like, yeah, they go both ways to where it's like, yep, that's a He has a hilarious story about getting in a brawl in one of those things where people didn't know any better. | ||
| Like, something happened. | ||
| He was riding a bike, and he wound up getting in a fight with this other dude who's riding a bike. | ||
| And a couple dudes at the same time, it takes one dude down, gets him in a heel hook, fucks his leg up. | ||
| Beat some other dude up, got back on his bike and drove off, but just they fucked with him. | ||
| Imagine that you're in a bicycle race and you're like, you know what, I'm mad at this guy. | ||
| I'm going to start a fight with this guy. | ||
| Hey man, if you want to go looking for fights, you can find him. | ||
| There's a lot of people out there that are just looking for fights. | ||
| I mean, if I was going to look for a fight, that's where I would look for a bunch of people racing bicycles. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You'd think? | |
| Right. | ||
| Boy, did you fuck up when you picked a fight with Nick Diaz. | ||
| You're like, look at this dude, his little bicycle shorts. | ||
| I'm going to beat his ass. | ||
| All of a sudden, you're like, why is my knee sideways? | ||
| What a crazy move to do in a street fight. | ||
| He heel hooks you, tears your knee apart. | ||
| That's what's interesting, you know, and not only that aspect, but so many more with those guys. | ||
| It's like, yeah, and they also look like street fighters that They're gonna punch you in the face, but they're also greasy, high-level, black belt, you know, jujitsu super artists, right? | ||
| Yeah, 100%. | ||
| Of the highest degree, so it's like, just because... | ||
| And I think that helps them, that perception, like, psychologically. | ||
| Like, it's like, you know, it makes you think, like, fuck this punk, but you're realizing that there's eloquent beauty coming at you in the art. | ||
| It's just because they look one way... | ||
| It's almost a distraction of like, it's almost like a Venus flytrap, how it's like all pretty and it's like, you know, the opposite, but it's like made to bring you in and then it just snaps by using its natural Element. | ||
| Well, I think it's sort of reverse, where they sort of make you think they're punks, but they're not. | ||
| They're smart as fuck, and it's a trap. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, that's a good point, man. | ||
| It's like you would think that dudes that have that kind of shit-talking attitude couldn't really fight, but they fight real good. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And they're real technical, and they have crazy endurance and discipline, which is what's really weird about it, is how much discipline they have. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You know, you would think a guy would talk a lot of shit, like, what's up, motherfucker? | ||
| Stockton, motherfucker. | ||
| That's not going to be a guy who can run marathons and swim back and forth from Alcatraz. | ||
| But it is. | ||
| That's what's crazy about them. | ||
| Thank you so much. | ||
| Is it okay if your voice is used in the background of a podcast? | ||
|
unidentified
|
See it again. | |
| Is it okay if your voice is in the background of a podcast? | ||
| We're recording something. | ||
| Many people are going to listen now. | ||
| Is that okay? | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's fine. | |
| They love it. | ||
| You have a beautiful accent. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, you're sweet. | |
| Thank you. | ||
| It's French. | ||
| It's very pretty. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What podcast is it? | |
| It's just a comedy podcast that we do sometimes. | ||
| We do one on a plane on occasion. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Alright, thank you. | |
| What's your name again? | ||
| Sylvie. | ||
| Thank you, Sylvie. | ||
| Sylvie's our guest for this evening, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| You heard it. | ||
| Sylvie, a lovely lady with a beautiful accent. | ||
| They treat you nice up here in first class. | ||
| Yeah, it's fun. | ||
| Super nice. | ||
| It's a lot better than being with the peasants in the back. | ||
| Dude, I'm going to take your spoon after it was in your mouth and I'm putting it in my coffee. | ||
| I don't give a fuck. | ||
| How about that, dude? | ||
| I'm not scared as shit. | ||
| I didn't even put it in my mouth. | ||
| It was just in my cup. | ||
| But like, people will share joints, but you won't share a spoon. | ||
| What do you think you're doing, bitch? | ||
| Don't be scared. | ||
| The endurance with those guys is really wacky. | ||
| It's a big part of their success, man. | ||
| And another crazy thing is how psychologically damning the slap is. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| That bit you have about it is fucking hilarious. | ||
| It's so true. | ||
| And because of the bit, I've gotten to think about it a lot more and sort of analyze it a lot more and from different angles than just as I was as an MMA fan before. | ||
| And really figure out what it is sort of behind it. | ||
| I mean, not that I know more than anybody, but it's sort of like... | ||
| The guys, it makes you overcharge. | ||
| All of a sudden they become a matador and you're the bull by poking you like that. | ||
| Because if you punch another guy in the face, that's expected. | ||
| And if you kick your opponent in the head, that's expected. | ||
| But open hand slapping your opponent... | ||
| Like, makes people laugh at you. | ||
| And you can hear, like, laughter in the crowd. | ||
| It's a different type of roar. | ||
| Or, like, that Ric Flair woo that you hear a lot lately. | ||
| Like, woo! | ||
| Those types of pops. | ||
| I feel like, even though, you know, a lot of those guys talk about tunnel vision and this and that, they can still hear that crowd. | ||
| They feed off of that energy, just like anybody does at a live anything. | ||
| And you don't want to get slapped. | ||
| No matter what, you just don't. | ||
| When Randy Couture fought Tito Ortiz, he spanked him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Got on top of him, he stacked him. | ||
| And then when he had him stacked, he was spanking him. | ||
| And the crowd was going crazy. | ||
| Spanked his butt. | ||
| Oh, man. | ||
| It's ridiculous. | ||
| Some ridiculous shit happens in fights. | ||
| The first time Nick Diaz fought Robbie Lawler, I'll never forget it. | ||
| Because I knew about Nick. | ||
| I knew about his fights with Jeremy Jackson, who's this really talented striker that was on The Ultimate Fighter, but wound up getting in trouble. | ||
| He was in jail for something. | ||
| I forget what it is. | ||
| It might be something bad. | ||
| Like, he's in jail for a long time. | ||
| But anyway, when I first saw Nick fight Robbie Lawler, he got into the cage. | ||
| And Robbie Lawler was a phenom back then, you know? | ||
| He's probably like 20 years old, 21 years old. | ||
| And Nick just starts going, Stockton, motherfucker! | ||
| And Robbie's like, what is this dude saying? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's like, come on, bitch. | ||
| Come on, bitch. | ||
| Come on, bitch. | ||
| And while he's calling a bitch, you can see Robbie Lawler's head like, I can't believe this dude is calling me bitch. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, I can't believe he's telling me a bitch. | ||
| He's, like, trying to get you emotional, and he got inside Robbie's head a little bit. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Oh, he got inside Connor's head, too. | ||
| They don't want to show you those clips over and over again. | ||
| Well, Nick never fought Connor. | ||
| No, I know him. | ||
| But if Nick did fight Connor, Connor would be in a lot of trouble. | ||
| Nick's a different animal. | ||
| I was saying that would be a really interesting fight. | ||
| And everybody's like, Nick Diaz is so much bigger. | ||
| I'm like, look, Nick Diaz fought 155 pounds. | ||
| Nick Diaz can get to 170, no problem. | ||
| Conor fights at 170. That is the fight. | ||
| Or Nate. | ||
| That is the fight. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The Shamrock versus the Pot Leaf. | ||
| Yeah, look, I like the idea of them coming. | ||
| That's a good... | ||
| I like that, dude. | ||
| I like that. | ||
| Marketing, baby. | ||
| Dude, look at Kimmy Knuckles on that. | ||
| Shamrock and the Pot Leaf. | ||
| That's strong. | ||
| Come on, Dana White. | ||
| Yeah, they need to hire you. | ||
| You've got some great ideas. | ||
| Would you be interested in trying to turn this ship around? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Absolutely. | |
| This battleship is taking on some damage. | ||
| Oh, I'd be so angry. | ||
| We lost Rhonda, got some water damage. | ||
| I'm not even kidding. | ||
| A, I would love that, and B, I would actually enjoy it. | ||
| We should have a meeting. | ||
| We should have a meeting. | ||
| Because I'm such a fan of both UFC and entertainment that my brain naturally questions that stuff. | ||
| Yeah, you gotta do another fight companion. | ||
| Those are so much fun. | ||
| I miss those. | ||
| We haven't had a chance to do one of those in so long. | ||
| That's literally like... | ||
| I think a lot of guys back in the day when it was just TV used to want to be on like... | ||
| The Late Show with David Letterman and stuff. | ||
| Literally, my goal is to do more Fight Companions. | ||
| They're so fun. | ||
| It's like the coolest thing. | ||
| Yeah, they're so fun, man. | ||
| They're the most fun. | ||
| Learn some of that flat earth jujitsu you guys are talking about. | ||
| They do go off the rails when the booze gets flowing. | ||
| There's just no doubt about it. | ||
| On both sides. | ||
| Everybody's side. | ||
| It's just people get so crazy when the booze starts flowing. | ||
| It's so fun. | ||
| But it's the best way to watch fights because you're not interrupting anybody. | ||
| It's not like you're talking a lot of shit while you're in the arena and the other people are trying to enjoy the fight. | ||
| It's just the comfort of your own little studio there. | ||
| You're talking shit with your friends, and people don't have... | ||
| Like, if I did that during commentary, it would be incredibly disrespectful. | ||
| Like, if I wasn't watching the fights, and we were talking about UFOs or pussy or feet... | ||
| Like Bigfoot or whatever the fuck we're talking about. | ||
| Yeah, you keep it on the fights. | ||
| Even yesterday, I noticed that I mentioned JRE and you're like, let's talk about the fight. | ||
| That was a crazy moment. | ||
| Oh, it was nice. | ||
| Yeah, Jason Knight, crazy motherfucker. | ||
| You're slipping, Joe. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How come I ain't been on the Joe experience? | |
| These companions are fun. | ||
| We just did a companion with Wrestlemania, me and my pro wrestling friends. | ||
| We do a pro wrestling podcast now. | ||
| And we did a companion to Wrestlemania. | ||
| Five and a half hours. | ||
| We gotta do that. | ||
| You and I have to do one of those. | ||
| That's gonna be fun. | ||
| That's what we're gonna do. | ||
| Let me know when there's another big wrestling thing and you and I will do a wrestling companion. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm supposed to do a soccer companion with Ian too. | ||
| Oh, Jesus. | ||
| Why don't you just do a sleeping companion? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| We're going to get high as fuck, and we're going to talk some shit about soccer, and you're going with me, too. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| See, Ian knows a lot about soccer. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Ian Edwards is a real soccer fan. | ||
| He does a soccer podcast with some other dude. | ||
| I forget who it is. | ||
| See, I think soccer's fake. | ||
| Some people think wrestling's fake. | ||
| I think soccer's fake. | ||
| I'm here to tell you. | ||
| It's real as fuck, dude. | ||
| They definitely have some fake moments in soccer, I'll tell you that. | ||
| Like when guys accidentally barely get touched in the face, they fall down like they got shot. | ||
| There's a lot of bitch shit that goes on in soccer games. | ||
| I mean, and I say bitch shit with all disrespect to the bitches out there. | ||
| All disrespect? | ||
| All respect, rather. | ||
| Whatever. | ||
| You ever seen a team that got possessed by demons? | ||
| Oh, that's my team, bro. | ||
| Yeah, I gave them the Santa Rhea before. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I told them we're going to win this shit at all costs. | |
| Some scary shit. | ||
| That's when you know someone's retarded, when they believe in demons. | ||
| Like, it's a funny thing. | ||
| I used to have a bit about this. | ||
| I need to bring it back. | ||
| But the bit was that, like, you can talk about God you want, and all you want, and nobody freaks out. | ||
| But if you start talking about the devil, people go, what? | ||
| And the bit was that, like, George Bush can go... | ||
| May God bless our troops in Afghanistan. | ||
| And everybody goes, that's a beautiful sentiment. | ||
| But if he says, we've located the devil, he's in Pakistan, he's in the mountains, and we are going to knock him out of existence, and evil will end on earth. | ||
| You'd be like, what? | ||
| Hold on. | ||
| Wait a minute. | ||
| Hold on. | ||
| The actual devil? | ||
| Like, you found the devil and you're going to go shoot him? | ||
| Is that what you just said? | ||
| What the fuck are you talking about? | ||
| You think there's a real devil? | ||
| Like, if someone was on TV and they started talking about the will of God, we wouldn't have a problem with it. | ||
| But if they started talking about the devil having influence on all the events of the world and that we have to repent and we have to realize the Christian way is the only path to... | ||
| Like, whoa! | ||
| People would go, what the fuck are you talking about? | ||
| The devil? | ||
| That's the one aspect of Christianity that in 2017 is super touch and go with the populace. | ||
| That's real fringe stuff. | ||
| Which shows you how the religion is sort of evolving in a weird way. | ||
| It's moving away from the most ridiculous thing To the least, like the least ridiculous thing is like this universe is so big. | ||
| It's so infinite. | ||
| What are the likelihood that something's far more powerful than us created it? | ||
| Probably, man. | ||
| Who knows? | ||
| Makes sense. | ||
| And what if God is love and love that binds us together and creates everything that is life and all the building blocks of life and it's all this one... | ||
| Infinite plan that's too complex for us to understand. | ||
| We can call it God. | ||
| Okay, I'll buy that. | ||
| I'm a smart guy. | ||
| I'll buy a non-secular or a secular God. | ||
| But when you start talking about the devil, like an actual devil, like an actual demon that is tempting you into doing bad things, like come on, bitch. | ||
| I can't do this with you. | ||
| Like that's too ridiculous for people today. | ||
| Totally. | ||
| It's crazy that video that you... | ||
| Tweeted out a couple days ago that had the entire history of the universe in 10 minutes. | ||
| Wasn't that amazing? | ||
| So amazing. | ||
| And it just goes to show you how silly religion is because it's like Three minutes into the video, for ten seconds, it's just like, Jesus is born! | ||
| Jesus existed! | ||
| You worship Jesus! | ||
| Jesus died! | ||
| Yeah, and all the other religions too. | ||
| Yeah, but it was just one small part of such a huge millions of years and hundreds of thousands of gaps of space in between. | ||
| You know what I was horrified by in that video? | ||
| How little I knew about what he was talking about. | ||
| Yeah, the empires and the dynasties. | ||
| Oh, I was like, what? | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Who? | |
| How many? | ||
| What happened? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Wow, okay, that's what happened? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Like, I really need to, like, get a comprehensive, some sort of a book that'll give me, like, a great world history that's something that's easy to follow. | ||
| Or, you know what I need to do, man? | ||
| I need to listen to Dan Carlin more, listen to Hardcore History. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But see, there's just some, there's so much history. | ||
| I mean, if you go back thousands of years, like Mesopotamia to today, how many different things do you have to be aware of? | ||
| How many different events? | ||
| I think about this stuff when I'm out there in Joshua Tree in the middle of the desert. | ||
| I just took one of those trips a few weeks ago. | ||
| I'm looking around at these rocks, like sort of by myself, these crazy beautiful mountain ranges that don't even look real. | ||
| And I'm thinking, like, what the fuck have you been doing all this time? | ||
| Like, yeah, I'm like, you know, not talking to them, but literally, like, wondering. | ||
| So they just, it's like, everything's always changing. | ||
| It is just as, like, I see new and temporary to those mountains. | ||
| Like, you watch that video of the history of the world, and all of a sudden you realize those mountains are just... | ||
| As temporary as a blurb of lava, but it just doesn't seem temporary to us because our time frame is messed up. | ||
| But all that shit used to be underground. | ||
| Like, that's just all molten rock from before. | ||
| And it's just amazing, like, the perspective switch on everything. | ||
| Everything is something else entirely. | ||
| That shit was all underwater. | ||
| And it was all in the mantle. | ||
| It was all in the center of the Earth. | ||
| Now it's high up above me. | ||
| It's all fucking like crazy. | ||
| I mean, obviously I was deep on mushrooms while having these thoughts, but that's what it took to get it out. | ||
| Yeah, it sometimes takes something like that just to give you a new perspective on it. | ||
| Have you ever been to Hawaii? | ||
| Not yet. | ||
| Oh, you gotta go. | ||
| I've been planning on it. | ||
| Frank Castillo just went. | ||
| I'm super jealous. | ||
| He took his gross battle winnings and took his girl to Hawaii in the pictures. | ||
| Just everything looks so fun. | ||
| Dude, it's amazing there. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| It's a volcano. | ||
| There's a series of volcanoes in the middle of the ocean that are popping up, and there's more of them that are building up around it. | ||
| There's like a museum that you can go to. | ||
| They show you the history of Hawaii, how it was created, and they also show you the surrounding islands, and I guess it would be like lava vents or lava-like volcanoes that are underwater right now that are building up and eventually break the surface of the water. | ||
| But they've actually spotted, I think, I can't remember what part, I think it was in the South Pacific, where they actually watched islands get born. | ||
| They saw volcanic activity and were there while islands were breaking the surface of the water. | ||
| Like, you can actually see it in some places. | ||
| And I'm pretty sure they have video of it. | ||
| You know, it's basically just breaching the surface of the water. | ||
| But that's how an island is born. | ||
| And that's what Hawaii is. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then, like, once you go above that water, you're probably never going back, right? | ||
| No. | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| I mean, who knows? | ||
| I mean, maybe millions of years later, it flattens out again, or it becomes like Yellowstone, and it blows up, and the whole top pops off of it. | ||
| That's the nuttiest shit, dude. | ||
| Supervolcanoes? | ||
| Dude, they think that a supervolcano... | ||
| I want to say... | ||
| I'm trying to think of how many thousands of years ago. | ||
| I forget how many thousands of years ago. | ||
| It might have been, like, 60,000 years ago. | ||
| They think that the human race might have gotten down to as few as a few thousand people. | ||
| Man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That these super volcanoes, when they blow, they kill enormous amounts of things. | ||
| People, animals. | ||
| But we're so weak, bro. | ||
| When we have to live in the natural world, we have to try to hoof it out there with the bears and the moose and shit. | ||
| We don't make it, man. | ||
| We're only... | ||
| Like, we have been living with clothes on and with fire for so long. | ||
| We're such bitches. | ||
| Like, even cave people were bitches compared to animals. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know? | ||
| You still need a cave. | ||
| Like, by figuring out caves and by figuring out fire and how to stay warm, we fucked ourselves. | ||
| It's probably what made us smarter. | ||
| When we first manipulated our environment, when we first figured out how to manipulate our environment, there's been a bunch of different stages of it. | ||
| But one different stage of it was shelter. | ||
| So you could be safe. | ||
| So the animals weren't picking off the soft ones. | ||
| So people didn't get as hard as they were before they had shelter. | ||
| They had some people that survived that maybe wouldn't have survived a few decades ago or a few generations ago or before they figured out caves. | ||
| So those people get to fuck. | ||
| And those soft bitches make more soft bitches. | ||
| And then they figure out weapons. | ||
| And then people survive even further. | ||
| And they don't ever get a chance to be... | ||
| Imagine if people would be people with the brains of people with the bodies of gorillas. | ||
| That's what I was just gonna say. | ||
| If we didn't invent fire, we'd probably be covered in hair and barking. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, it's a compromise, because in becoming softer and softer, we become smarter and smarter, right? | ||
| Like, you don't associate Elon Musk with being the most shredded barbarian on Earth, right? | ||
| No, you associate him with being a gentleman in a nice suit and a tie. | ||
| He was a reasonable human body, right? | ||
| But when you think about Like someone who's like just a super conqueror, like some Brock Lesnar type dude. | ||
| You don't think of Brock Lesnar inventing some new way to manipulate traffic in Los Angeles to cut down commute time from Santa Monica to LAX to three minutes, going 130 miles an hour in a fucking sled underground. | ||
| Let's put it too this way. | ||
| I'm not taking Brock Lesnar's rocket to the moon. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's perfect! | |
| That's the perfect way to describe it. | ||
| That's the perfect way to describe it. | ||
| The bracket. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| So it's like, as we become more and more civilized, and more and more innovative, figuring out new ways to stockpile food, we just get softer and softer and softer. | ||
| So when something goes wrong, like, boom, a fucking volcano blows up, and you lose everything, and it's like, there's no sun anymore, you can't grow food anymore, you gotta go find things to eat in the woods, everybody dies. | ||
| Like, almost nobody left. | ||
| They got down to a few thousand people. | ||
| And they say that it happens in North America every six to eight hundred thousand years, that Yellowstone just blows. | ||
| You know, they didn't even know about this until satellites. | ||
| When they had satellites, as soon as they started looking at images in the Yellowstone region, there was a theory of it being a caldera volcano. | ||
| And then they confirmed it, that the whole Yellowstone, I guess they would call it a basin, the Yellowstone basin, Is really one giant crater from a volcano that was so big the top blows off and lava shoots like a mile out of the sky or some shit and it just blocks out everything. | ||
| It's like the ultimate super earth zit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's crazy. | |
| Have you ever seen that website on Instagram page, Dr. Pimple Popper? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You've never seen it? | ||
| No. | ||
| It's hilarious. | ||
| Is this chick? | ||
| She's a doctor, but she's a dermatologist. | ||
| And all she does is, like, lance cysts and squeeze them out. | ||
| You can't look away. | ||
| No. | ||
| You can't look away. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know. | |
| I've watched those videos, but not like that. | ||
| I haven't followed that person yet. | ||
| But I've gone off on YouTube tangents of that. | ||
| Of just deep pushing and just watching it squirt out. | ||
| I don't know why I can't stop watching, but it is interesting. | ||
| Whatever goes on deep in our bodies is fucking disgusting. | ||
| Well, she's amazing at it because she's a doctor and she has fun with it. | ||
| So it's hilarious. | ||
| She has funny captions on her little Instagram account. | ||
| It's fucking hilarious, dude. | ||
| And she has exploders. | ||
| She's cutting holes on people's heads and squeezing out like a banana of pus. | ||
| And I'm not even exaggerating. | ||
| It's disgusting. | ||
| Some people's bodies are just nasty. | ||
| They just have these, like, literal softballs on the side of their face. | ||
| And she cuts them and squeezes out all this yellow shit and blackheads the size of your fist. | ||
| It's so nasty. | ||
| I'll watch it if you insist. | ||
| It's one of your puns upon. | ||
| That's all my shitty puns. | ||
| Get it? | ||
| Sist! | ||
| Get it? | ||
| Get it? | ||
| Sist! | ||
| But that's like what the supervolcano is to the Earth. | ||
| It's just like this giant exploding pus of lava. | ||
| And it happens all the time, man, in terms of like the history of the Earth. | ||
| It happens every six to eight hundred thousand years. | ||
| They have thousands of earthquakes in Yellowstone every year. | ||
| Thousands. | ||
| Like little rumbles. | ||
| The Comedian Earthquake was at the Comedy Store last week. | ||
| You ever seen him? | ||
| He's a bad motherfucker. | ||
| He's a good dude, too. | ||
| He's a really friendly guy. | ||
| One of the coolest stories. | ||
| He's one of the coolest not completely mainstream famous comedians I know of. | ||
| And I remember working the door at the comedy store. | ||
| He's pretty famous. | ||
| Ten years ago. | ||
| I guess. | ||
| You're just white. | ||
| I mean, I guess. | ||
| In the black community, Earthquake is a monster. | ||
| Yeah, in the black community. | ||
| That's different. | ||
| White people are lame. | ||
| Let's just face it. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| But man, do white people laugh at Earthquake. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And the point is, I didn't know about him until I was a door guy at the store, and then all of a sudden somebody's like, Earthquake's popping in. | ||
| And a pop-in at the comedy store, if you don't know, like, there's already a set lineup, so you have to be, like, a monster. | ||
| Like, if Dave Chappelle comes in or Seinfeld, they're, like, they're poppin' in. | ||
| But somebody's, like, earthquake's poppin' in. | ||
| I'm like, what the fuck is an earthquake? | ||
| But man, the other guy literally got that name because they said that when he used to perform in Atlanta, the ground would shake. | ||
| It's true, dude. | ||
| What a beast. | ||
| He's like a black Joey Diaz, sort of. | ||
| Yeah, he's a very, very funny dude. | ||
| And, you know, Earthquake, he's been around, man. | ||
| He's been killing for a long time. | ||
| There's nothing more fun than finding out there's a freak you didn't know about. | ||
| You know what else is cool? | ||
| Meeting him and he's a nice guy. | ||
| That's nice when you run into someone like an earthquake or someone you respect and think they're really funny and they're cool as fuck too. | ||
| That's, you know, one of the nicest things. | ||
| And that's one thing, like comedians that don't have other comedian friends are always so weird to me. | ||
| I only know a few of them, but they're so weird. | ||
| I have a handful of non-comedian friends, and I see them very rarely. | ||
| It's fun, I mean, we have fun, but... | ||
| I mean, I really can't let it rip unless it's a comedian. | ||
| Especially one that's having fun and fucking working a lot. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| No, I do know what you mean. | ||
| But I have a lot of friends that aren't comedians because I feel like it balances me out a little bit. | ||
| Yeah, you're like a real superhuman, though. | ||
| You have, like, hunting buddies and shit. | ||
| I don't have that. | ||
| I have, like, fucking pro wrestling buddies. | ||
| My hunting buddies are some of my favorite friends. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They experience life. | ||
| Your hunting buddies are some of my favorite friends. | ||
| Like, I mean, that's how small my world is. | ||
| I love, like, Cam and those guys. | ||
| John Dudley. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Rivets. | ||
| Yeah, the Rivets. | ||
| Yeah, they're really good people, man. | ||
| My friend Adam Greentree from Australia. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| Did you make fun with him when I was there? | ||
| Yeah, we had a good time up there, man. | ||
| In Melbourne, god damn, that was fun. | ||
| Adam Greentree is the salt of the earth. | ||
| But it's like all those guys, they've experienced an intense form of life and adversity. | ||
| They're hunters, and they're bow hunters, which is even more intense. | ||
| Guys like Dudley and guys like Cam, they don't have a chip on their shoulder. | ||
| They don't have to prove themselves to anybody. | ||
| They're out there. | ||
| They're trying to do better for themselves. | ||
| And better at this really difficult thing. | ||
| I was thinking about that, man. | ||
| Because I'm wearing this shirt today. | ||
| See this shirt I'm wearing? | ||
| This is Eastman's bowhunting shirt they sent me. | ||
| It's a bowhunting magazine and a podcast. | ||
| Eastman's Elevated is this podcast that I listen to on bowhunting. | ||
| And I was thinking about it, like these people that pursue it the way... | ||
| This guy from the Eastman Elevated podcast, his name's Brian Barney, or the way Cam Haynes does it, or the way John Dudley does it, or Adam Greentree. | ||
| They're like... | ||
| It's not just like they're hunters. | ||
| They're also like athletes. | ||
| Like, this is a very difficult pursuit. | ||
| It's not what everybody thinks it is. | ||
| Like, it's not just as simple as finding an animal, shooting with an arrow. | ||
| Like, getting to the position where you can shoot an animal with an arrow, you have to be physically fit. | ||
| It's hard to do. | ||
| You gotta get up a giant fucking hill. | ||
| You gotta be able to get there in time. | ||
| You gotta be patient. | ||
| You gotta be knowledgeable. | ||
| You gotta be quiet. | ||
| You gotta be stealthy. | ||
| You gotta be skillful. | ||
| You gotta be able to handle pressure. | ||
| You gotta be able to handle your nerves. | ||
| When you're ready to make this shot on an animal's life with a bow and arrow, there's a lot of shit going on, man. | ||
| You've got to be safe. | ||
| You're up in the mountains by yourself. | ||
| You've got to be aware. | ||
| There's predators out there, like real mountain lions, bears. | ||
| You're running into grizzlies. | ||
| You know what I was thinking the other day? | ||
| How do you guys eat when you're out there? | ||
| Bring food. | ||
| You bring food. | ||
| Like sandwiches? | ||
| No, you bring... | ||
| Well, there's one company that I actually had the owner on my podcast. | ||
| God damn it. | ||
| What the fuck is Chris's last name? | ||
| I gotta Google his last name now because if I don't, I'm gonna feel mad at myself. | ||
| But he's got this company called Green Belly Meals. | ||
| Let me find it. | ||
| Does the smell of the food make more animals come out? | ||
| No, I mean it can. | ||
| Shit. | ||
| Now I feel like I have to log on and find his name. | ||
| Maybe I'll have it on this. | ||
| Anyway, I forget his last name. | ||
| I apologize, dude. | ||
| You're a good guy. | ||
| I don't mean to diss you by forgetting your name. | ||
| He wrote a book, too, on the Appalachian Trail. | ||
| I just had him on. | ||
| I'm such a fucking space cadet. | ||
| The problem is in the morning, tell me if you feel like this, when you have to get up early in the morning and, like, take a flight, my brain literally works on, like, 30% of its capacity. | ||
| Yeah, we're built like that now. | ||
| Our brains are supposed to turn on when we have something going on. | ||
| I'm going to find him on my little podcast list here. | ||
| We got him in here. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, I'm just fucking stupid, dude. | ||
| Yeah, remember when I said that Ian Rumble Johnson knocks airplanes out of the air or something like that? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| Chris Cage. | ||
| That's his name. | ||
| Sorry, Chris. | ||
| Yeah, it happens. | ||
| You fuck up. | ||
| But my point being, he makes these meal bars called Green Belly Meal Bars, and they're super dense. | ||
| You have one packet. | ||
| It's one-third of your nutritional requirements. | ||
| Really heavy in calories and like you want to take stuff like that stuff that's dense like take people take a lot of almond butter and peanut butter like healthy fats There's a company that I really like called fat fudge and they make this this woman she makes Mary she makes these Little packets, and they're like paleo fudge. | ||
| It's got MCT oil in it and raw cocoa, and it's really good for you. | ||
| It's, again, like real healthy fats. | ||
| You want to take things that are real calorie dense. | ||
| Cheese is good. | ||
| Salami is good. | ||
| Some people like to take candy bars. | ||
| They like some simple sugar. | ||
| They're really crashing to pick them back up. | ||
| Because the demands are pretty extreme. | ||
| And the demands on your body, and I think that's one of the things people underestimate. | ||
| When you're going like 12,000 feet elevation, 13,000 feet elevation, The air is super thin. | ||
| You're carrying a pack. | ||
| If you have a rifle, the rifle's heavy. | ||
| And you're hiking, and you're going up these steep, steep hills, and you're doing it for many, many miles to try to get into position wherever the animals are. | ||
| And if you're bow hunting, you know, you've got to do that, and then you have to draw your bow back, steady yourself, and execute a shot when you're holding your bow. | ||
| It gets difficult. | ||
| You're holding it freehand. | ||
| With a rifle, at least you can rest on something. | ||
| You can rest it on a log, and all you have to do is just squeeze slowly and evenly and pull the trigger. | ||
| You're so much more of a man than I am. | ||
| I use all the cheat codes on Grand Theft Auto when I play it. | ||
| I don't even work my way through the missions on that. | ||
| Well, dude, you do stand-up. | ||
| Stand-up is one of the hardest things for your brain that you could do as far as, like, dealing with pressure. | ||
| This is coming from someone who's, you know, I know you wrestled in high school, so you had some one-on-one competition that was nerve-wracking when you were young, and, you know, and I did a little bit of wrestling in high school, and then I fought in martial arts tournaments for a long time, and all those things are scary and nerve-wracking, but comedy is almost as scary, at least was, like doing it the first time. | ||
| I was so scared the first time I did it. | ||
| And you do that. | ||
| No, and it never ends. | ||
| I mean, when you push yourself, I mean, you know what I mean, like we do. | ||
| It never ends. | ||
| I mean, there's nights, probably tonight, when the lineup ends up falling how it falls, I'm going to be... | ||
| You're on at 115. Right. | ||
| Whatever ends up happening, I'm going to be... | ||
| It is a fight. | ||
| Last week, you know, last week I remember I had my best Tuesday spot in my life. | ||
| And it was like, you know, 11pm or something like that. | ||
| Kevin Hart pops in, does an hour. | ||
| I end up judging Rose Battle. | ||
| He popped in and did an hour? | ||
| An hour. | ||
| On a pop-in. | ||
| Which is just a devastating blow. | ||
| That means that everybody, including myself, is going on an hour later, plus the audience is drained, extra drained from watching one person do an hour when the rest of the show was fundamentally cut up for 15 minutes. | ||
| That alone makes it A drag. | ||
| That's interesting. | ||
| I didn't know guys were doing that now. | ||
| I didn't know they were allowing guys to do a whole hour when they pop in. | ||
| Kevin Hart's on that weird... | ||
| You really shouldn't do that, though. | ||
| Oh, I agree. | ||
| That fucks with a lot. | ||
| If it's a regular night, was it a regular... | ||
| It was Tuesday, is that what you said? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, that's not really that cool because, like, it's cool that he comes in. | ||
| That's for sure cool. | ||
| But a whole hour... | ||
| Well, that's the part of the... | ||
| Where Tommy... | ||
| People thought Tommy was insane back in the day because he would literally go off on stuff like that. | ||
| What are you, crazy? | ||
| You think you could do an hour here? | ||
| This is Mitzi's club! | ||
| You know, he was nuts with that shit. | ||
| I think he was probably the only one that would talk to people like that. | ||
| Dude, I'm gonna pee, so we're gonna pause this. | ||
| I know, folks, I never pee during podcasts, but I've been drinking a lot of water. | ||
| I'm trying to hydrate myself more, and right now it's a problem. | ||
| So we'll be right back. | ||
| Alright, we're back, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| You know what technology, where they've really been slacking, Is in the innovation of making airline bathrooms not smell like poo. | ||
| Yeah, it always smells like poop. | ||
| Specifically poop. | ||
| Yeah, because someone's pooping into a hole in the ground. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And it's not even really a toilet bowl. | ||
| It's not wishy-washy water. | ||
| You're plopping a log right down on an aluminum siding. | ||
| It's like if you were doing, like... | ||
| It's like those koala daycare things where you pull the table down. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| It's like eating breakfast off one of those. | ||
| That's what an airport restaurant is like. | ||
| And people love pooping on flights, by the way. | ||
| It's like... | ||
| Well, they get nervous. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's crazy. | |
| People get nervous, they have to poo. | ||
| There's people like, you know, the seatbelt sign goes off and a guy just goes and takes a dump. | ||
| It's like, dude, we're going to Vegas, bro. | ||
| It's like a 35 minute flight. | ||
| You can't hold on. | ||
| Some people can't. | ||
| We're already making our descent and you have to go take a shit right now? | ||
| Some people can't, man. | ||
| Some people can't. | ||
| These virgin stewardesses are always very flirtatious. | ||
| Are they flirting with you? | ||
| Well, not this one, but the one on the flight out here. | ||
| You liked her, didn't you? | ||
| Loved her. | ||
| You did, didn't you? | ||
| These virgin ladies are not virgins at all. | ||
| They're beat up. | ||
| How dare you? | ||
| See, you know what happened there? | ||
| In a good way. | ||
| You stumbled on the word virgin and you tried to recover, like, something extra hard. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, look who's upset that I'm talking about this. | |
| She's like, return to your seat for your seat, Feltan. | ||
| Stop talking shit about my wife. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Shut your mouth. | |
| Oh, you don't like me, but you like the girl from the other flight? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Anyway. | ||
| Texas is a badass place, isn't it? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I love doing shows in Dallas. | ||
| I've been having so much fun this year in Texas. | ||
| I've already been here a few times, back and forth, Austin, Houston, Dallas. | ||
| One of the best comedy states in the country. | ||
| No doubt. | ||
| I've never been to San Antonio. | ||
| I heard that's great too. | ||
| A lot of guys like working there. | ||
| I was just there in January. | ||
| Got to take all my buddies. | ||
| We went to the Royal Rumble. | ||
| It was a lot of fun. | ||
| We ran into Ron White. | ||
| Some lady showed up on a Saturday night at the club. | ||
| We had just gotten to the club. | ||
| Some lady comes up to me and goes, You're Tony Hinchcliffe, huh? | ||
| And I'm like, uh, yeah. | ||
| She's like, I have a message from Mr. Ron White. | ||
| And I'm just like, you gotta be fucking kidding me. | ||
| This motherfucker sent a human being. | ||
| That's how big of a baller Ron White is. | ||
| He sent a real-life human being. | ||
| Not a text. | ||
| Not a memo. | ||
| Not a letter. | ||
| A lady. | ||
| Ron White wants to invite you to hang out with him. | ||
| You and your friends, come on over. | ||
| We're all going to meet at this bar after he's done with his show and after you're done with yours. | ||
| I'm like, if that isn't some Texas powerful... | ||
| He sent a human being. | ||
| Like, that's like sending a raven. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's better than a raven. | ||
| Yeah, it's better than a raven. | ||
| A raven. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Ron White's a bad motherfucker. | ||
| He's got his own tour bus. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's got his own tequila. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, Ron White's the man. | ||
| He's got his own tequila, son. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| My mom's favorite comedian. | ||
| It's Mother's Day. | ||
| That's awesome. | ||
| It is Mother's Day, right? | ||
| Shout out to the moms. | ||
| Holla at all the ladies out there getting knocked up. | ||
| Hell yeah. | ||
| Holla. | ||
| Making babies. | ||
| Strong thank you to all the chicks out there who love dick. | ||
| That's how you make people. | ||
| Even if you're a woman that loves vagina, shout out to you too. | ||
| Shout out. | ||
| Shout out to all our lesbians. | ||
| It's amazing that people are so jealous that we don't like a girl who likes dick. | ||
| You should like a girl who likes dick. | ||
| But no, what you want is her to like your dick. | ||
| Right. | ||
| No other days. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You don't want her to just like dick in general. | ||
| Those girls are problematic. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| But it's commonly understood that all guys love sex. | ||
| Like, all guys love pussy, right? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| You're only supposed to love, like, one kind of girl or one girl. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But guys are disgusting. | ||
| Whereas girls, it's thought of, like, to be virtuous. | ||
| You're like, one dick. | ||
| Maybe you try one out and you don't like it anymore and you get a new one, but one. | ||
| One dick. | ||
| You can't just love dick. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because there's too many people as it is. | ||
| Yeah, you gotta love dick. | ||
| Do you know how bad people must have loved dick back when people were dying, like, all the time? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| Like, nobody lived? | ||
| And when there was nothing else going on? | ||
| There was nothing to do other than this one fun stick attached to the front of your body? | ||
| Oh. | ||
| And no one would tell you that you're not supposed to fuck, because there wasn't even a language yet. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| You would just fuck. | ||
| Yeah, everybody would just fuck. | ||
| And then you watched your friends get eaten by jaguars in front of you? | ||
| Oh, jeez. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We made babies together. | ||
| Intense a baby must have been before they knew language. | ||
| It's just you and you're smart. | ||
| Do you think? | ||
| Here's the question. | ||
| How smart... | ||
| We're humans. | ||
| Or, like, modern humans. | ||
| When they came up with the first noises that meant things. | ||
| Like, do chimps do that now, do you think? | ||
| Do you think they have noises for shit? | ||
| Like, they must, right? | ||
| Like, certain noises for stuff? | ||
| I think it all comes back to, like, animalistic stuff, right? | ||
| So, like, if... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, pointing at something? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, and then like you hear that noise, it's like, oh, that always means snake. | ||
| I'm sure, I'm almost positive I read something like that, that they did that with certain monkeys. | ||
| They had certain sounds they interpreted after a while, like they do this sound always when an eagle's nearby. | ||
| Have you ever seen those harpy eagles in Venezuela? | ||
| You know what that is? | ||
| It's a monkey-eating eagle, bro. | ||
| A monkey eagle? | ||
| Oh, a monkey-eating eagle. | ||
| They love to eat monkeys. | ||
| An eagle that eats monkeys? | ||
| Oh, yes, they do. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| It's one of the things they found about some of the early humans, when they found fossils and skulls and shit, they found that the inside of the skull had been scraped, which there was some speculation that maybe it was tools and sometimes... | ||
| They looked at the scrape and going, this one looks like a raptor's claw. | ||
| They'd think it was people that hadn't gotten killed by eagles. | ||
| Like the early human beings were prey to larger birds. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| Yeah, particularly this one in New Zealand that they know existed. | ||
| So there's all this speculation about how many different birds existed. | ||
| We have a pretty good fossil record of really big eagles and these things called terror birds that ate people and shit like that. | ||
| But they think back when we were like smaller monkey-like things that we probably got jacked by eagles, man. | ||
| Especially if there was a host eagle that lived in New Zealand alongside people for sure. | ||
| Because I think they made it extinct just thousands of years ago, like 14,000 years ago or something. | ||
| I might be wrong about the number, but it was a huge eagle that had like a 10-foot, 11-foot wingspan. | ||
| And they ate people. | ||
| If birds could talk, if birds could talk, they would just take shit over. | ||
| Oh, God. | ||
| You realize that? | ||
| If birds somehow, like, learned how to talk today... | ||
| Through a pig? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They would just take everything over. | ||
| Fuck your computer, mine now. | ||
| Goodbye. | ||
| Yeah, but we have guns. | ||
| We still have guns. | ||
| They're birds. | ||
| But guns change everything. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Huh? | |
| You're in one of those tanks with a slot and you got the machine gun out there and you just blast them out of the sky. | ||
| Let me put it to you this way. | ||
| A gun only has one barrel. | ||
| Birds can attack from multiple angles at once. | ||
| Yeah, that's true. | ||
| 360 attack. | ||
| But you hide in a tank and you shoot them out of the sky. | ||
| Yeah, they don't play that, dude. | ||
| They don't? | ||
| No, tanks... | ||
| Yeah, they don't play that. | ||
| They'll stay above. | ||
| And they'll let you run out of your artillery. | ||
| If they were smart enough to talk, then they'd be smart enough to let you run out of bullets. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Like, what if they had hands? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Along with the wings. | ||
| Then they open up the tank. | ||
| Get the fuck out of the tank! | ||
| It's me talking bird! | ||
| They would do what they do with, like, goats. | ||
| How eagles grab goats and they throw them off cliffs. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's cold-blooded shit, man. | ||
| It really is. | ||
| They drag them off cliffs. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Throw them to their death. | ||
| Like, they know what they're doing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's mean. | ||
| It's a ruthless animal, man. | ||
| It's a fascinating animal. | ||
| But they think that those things preyed on people, like early humans. | ||
| They found these skulls, the inside of them are all scraped out. | ||
| Scary. | ||
| Ooh, dog. | ||
| There's something about birds, man. | ||
| They don't give a fuck about you. | ||
| If you look at a dog or even a cat, a cat at least purrs and looks at you and likes that you're petting it. | ||
| It's like an interaction between you and the cat. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Hey, gravity affects us. | ||
| We're on the same level. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| You look in the eagle's eye. | ||
| You're like, why am I keeping you alive, you crazy cunt? | ||
| And they're looking at us also. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| And they're looking at us like, why do you guys just stay on this floor? | ||
| Why don't you guys flap your arms, you fucking idiots? | ||
| You guys can't move around. | ||
| You're just down here like prey. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You just sit here on this level? | ||
| Think about what an eagle can do. | ||
| It swoops down and scoops a fish out of a fucking river. | ||
| A big one. | ||
| It carries it away. | ||
| Grabs a fish. | ||
| You know how fucking strong you have to be to grab a salmon with your hands? | ||
| Those talons that sink into it. | ||
| It just carries it off. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Flying. | |
| That's... | ||
| That's some sushi right there. | ||
| That's how you do it. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| What a ruthless bird. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| It's kind of nuts that that's our national bird, too. | ||
| Somebody didn't want it to be. | ||
| It was, uh... | ||
| Who was it? | ||
| Ben Franklin, I think, thought it was like a punk-ass bird. | ||
| He's like, that's a punk-ass bird. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's a whiny. | |
| He had reasons for it. | ||
| I read it last week. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Whiny? | ||
| How's an eagle whiny? | ||
| I can't remember whether it was him, John Adams, or Jefferson. | ||
| One of those weird old guys. | ||
| But like, they're like, fuck the eagle. | ||
| Yeah, it's true. | ||
| How can you say fuck the eagle? | ||
| They're so gangster. | ||
| They have a whole reason for it. | ||
| They're gangster, but it's like, they're also... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, I wish I could remember what it was. | |
| I think it was, like, he didn't like how they, like, squawk. | ||
| He called him, like, squawky or something. | ||
| We don't need that squawky bird. | ||
| I mean, really, should it be an eagle, though? | ||
| We're America. | ||
| What should it really be? | ||
| What's truly the most, truly the most powerful? | ||
| Eagle's a pretty badass word. | ||
| A badass bird, rather. | ||
| Yeah, but it's still a bird. | ||
| I mean I don't know. | ||
| What about the shark? | ||
| We should be a puppy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah! | |
| So we're sneaky. | ||
| We don't have to be some killer, murderous thing. | ||
| I love that. | ||
| That can't be something cute. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Exactly. | |
| Something cute that fucks you up. | ||
| Yeah, something with a YouTube following. | ||
| Like a Snapchat filter. | ||
| That's what we got. | ||
| One of those puppies, those cartoon ones. | ||
| Little dog ears on the nose. | ||
| We'll have, instead of having like a mascot that's an actual animal, we'll have a fake one. | ||
| Like a team. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Teams have a gopher that wears a tie. | |
| That would be us. | ||
| They're your college football team. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| We'd be a mascot. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, I mean, the whole idea of having a mascot is kind of crazy, isn't it? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| A national animal. | ||
| We're eagles. | ||
|
unidentified
|
American eagle. | |
| These colors don't run, bro. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The whole thing is weird. | ||
| It's like, we have a bird? | ||
| Wait, what? | ||
| We're a bird? | ||
| We're a bird. | ||
| Okay, and Russia's a bear? | ||
| Okay, well, we're fucked. | ||
| I have news for you. | ||
| Bears and eagles. | ||
| I'll fucking put my money on the bear all day long. | ||
| Yeah, for sure. | ||
| That's not a good deal. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| I wonder if the other countries look at us like we're morons for that. | ||
| Like, is Afghanistan here that we have, like, represent this eagle and they're just like, what are they doing? | ||
| Don't you think that other countries have an animal too? | ||
| No. | ||
| I think other countries, some people just, like, they're... | ||
| They don't even... | ||
| I don't think there's comprehending of our silly shit that we do. | ||
|
unidentified
|
America! | |
| America! | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
|
unidentified
|
America! | |
| Do you know that the Mississippi state flag still has a Confederate flag on it? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| I learned this last night when the guy from Jackson, Mississippi... | ||
| When the two white trash guys fought. | ||
| White trash guys? | ||
| You know who I'm talking about. | ||
| They literally, like, own it. | ||
| First of all, how dare you? | ||
| And it's Jason Knight and Chaz Kelly. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I knew you knew who I was talking about. | |
| But the guy from Jackson, Mississippi, his whole family was in the audience. | ||
| Our family and friends. | ||
| And they were all wearing the same shirt. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I just thought it was the Confederate flag. | ||
| I didn't realize that it was the Mississippi State flag. | ||
| And they were going fucking crazy. | ||
| Like, they were the craziest patch of people in the whole arena last night. | ||
| Literally. | ||
| They had a whole section that was insane. | ||
| And... | ||
| I ended up saying to the sound guy who I was sitting next to... | ||
| I'm like, look at these crazy people. | ||
| They have the Confederate flag on their shirt. | ||
| And he's like, oh... | ||
| No, that's just the Mississippi state flag, and I'm like, oh, wow, I didn't know that. | ||
| I'm a complete idiot. | ||
| I thought they were just going to fucking burn a cross in victory up there. | ||
| Like, they seemed like they were the party. | ||
| Do you think that people know that Mississippi has a Confederate flag, a state flag? | ||
| I didn't know. | ||
| No. | ||
| How many people do you think, like, outside of Mississippi are even aware of that? | ||
| I would probably guess, if you and I don't know, then I would guess somewhere in, like, the three... | ||
| Ten percent. | ||
| I would say three to five percent. | ||
| I think ten percent's very giving. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| How do they not know that? | ||
| People right now are screaming, you're idiots! | ||
| Everybody knows! | ||
| If you know that, then I'm guessing you live in one of the two, you live one interlocking state away from Mississippi, if you know that. | ||
| Or you're one of those people that really got into the Confederate flag's origins when they pulled it off the General League. | ||
| Or you memorized overall just state flags, in which case, whoa. | ||
| Wow, your hobbies are out of control. | ||
| But when they pulled that state flag, or they pulled the Confederate flag, rather, off the General Lee, they pulled General Lee off, they don't have the Dukes of Hazzard on TV land anymore because of that flag. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Which I found fascinating, man. | ||
| Like, for years and years and years, and I'm not against the idea of pulling the show. | ||
| I understand the sentiment behind it, that in their eyes, that's a racist symbol. | ||
| But it's just fascinating to me, just purely from an observer's point of view, like, oh, look at how the culture is shifting. | ||
| Like, we used to be able to have this on TV, and no one said a word about it. | ||
| It was on the roof of a car that was on television, and the car was arguably one of the big stars of the show. | ||
| Because, like, you got Catherine Bach, it's hot as fuck. | ||
| You got the Daisy Dukes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Shorts. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then you got Bo and Luke Duke, right? | ||
| They're the stars. | ||
| And then you got the fucking car, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wait, what was the cop's name? | |
| Well, there was Roscoe P. Coltrane. | ||
| Boss Hogg, right? | ||
| Boss Hogg and Roscoe P. Coltrane, right? | ||
| Yeah, that's all I remember is Boss Hogg. | ||
| Boss Hogg and Roscoe was the sheriff, right? | ||
| I guess. | ||
| I sort of don't believe it. | ||
| Who was the sheriff? | ||
| He was the mayor. | ||
| Mayor Boss Hogg, right? | ||
| Wasn't he? | ||
| And then there was the sheriff, Roscoe P. Coltrane? | ||
| I sort of don't remember. | ||
| And then there was Cletus, who was in love with Daisy Duke. | ||
| Remember when they made the movie with Johnny Knoxville and Jessica Simpson? | ||
| Of course I don't remember that. | ||
| Nobody saw it? | ||
| I don't remember that. | ||
| I literally don't remember that. | ||
| That movie was so bad, it got the TV show canceled. | ||
| Ah! | ||
| Dude, Jessica Simpson was hot as the sun at one point in time. | ||
| At one point. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Now Lisa Simpson looks better than she does. | |
| I'm on it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Don't. | |
| Homer Simpson might be the greatest character in the history of television. | ||
| He really probably is. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| Because he's so cartoon... | ||
| It was right up there with Cartman. | ||
| Cartman might be as well. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They're almost like... | ||
| But Homer... | ||
| He's like the ultimate buffoon. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| And he's immortal. | ||
| You can do anything to him. | ||
| Well, they both are. | ||
| It's interesting. | ||
| Him and Cartman both don't age. | ||
| And they're both... | ||
| Sort of troublemakers. | ||
| Very stubborn. | ||
| It's very much the American way. | ||
| I mean, it's just like, imagine that. | ||
| Imagine if Homer Simpson adopted Cartman. | ||
| Like, that's a movie. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| That's another great idea. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Another one. | ||
| Homer Simpson adopts Cartman. | ||
| Fuck you, Dad. | ||
| Well, it's two totally different styles. | ||
| But, you know, it's like you got your King of the Hill style of animated comedy. | ||
| You got F is for Family's coming out soon. | ||
| Season two. | ||
| I bet that's going to be killer. | ||
| That was a funny show, man. | ||
| That's a really funny show. | ||
| I don't really watch comedy shows. | ||
| I'm looking forward to the return of House of Cards and the return of Game of Thrones. | ||
| That Xerxes is so hot. | ||
| I've watched F is for Family. | ||
| It's legitimately funny, dude. | ||
| It's a legitimately funny show. | ||
| But yeah, I'm looking forward to that. | ||
| I gave up on Game of Thrones. | ||
| I mean, not Game of Thrones. | ||
| Walking Dead. | ||
| So when I gave up on Walking Dead, I created some space that House of Cards filled. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Good. | |
| I feel much better about myself. | ||
| I can't deal with zombies anymore. | ||
| I'm tired of zombies. | ||
| I'm with you, buddy. | ||
| I'm with you. | ||
| Zombies are dead to me. | ||
| Literally. | ||
| After a while, I was like, okay, this can't go anywhere. | ||
| When does civilization rebuild? | ||
| When do you dummies kill all these zombies? | ||
| What are these zombies eating? | ||
| How are they staying alive? | ||
| How are they here for so long? | ||
| How come they're not just skeletons now? | ||
| Do they stop rotting? | ||
| They rot for years. | ||
| Oh, they just rot for years. | ||
| How about fuck you? | ||
| You're not making any sense anymore. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They should all be dead. | ||
| They should be gone. | ||
| I never got into The Walking Dead. | ||
| I'm not into any of that zombie stuff. | ||
| I can't be. | ||
| They violate physics. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They violate nature. | ||
| It's not just that it's a zombie. | ||
| It's just that it doesn't rot away. | ||
| Like, how come it doesn't rot away? | ||
| It's dead. | ||
| Like, come on. | ||
| You told me it's dead, right? | ||
| So how come it doesn't... | ||
| Like, in the beginning of the show, like, in the beginning seasons, they had, like, more shit going on. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Like, remember when they had to blow up that building that had the anti-zombie shit in it where they... | ||
| We created the zombie in the first place, and there was a guy, and his wife turned, the whole deal. | ||
| That was The Walking Dead, right? | ||
| I don't remember. | ||
| In the beginning, it was just better. | ||
| It seemed like it was interesting, and then after a while, you're like, oh, I get it. | ||
| It's always going to suck. | ||
| Your life is always going to suck. | ||
| It's going to suck here, and then it's going to suck there, and then this guy's going to get killed with a baseball bat, and then this person's going to turn into a zombie, and you're going to have to watch this person get torn apart. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| You're just fucking with me. | ||
| This isn't really... | ||
| Meanwhile, those Game of Thrones guys are taking... | ||
| Literally just blowing our minds. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And as is House of Cards. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| House of Cards is crazy because they were... | ||
| I feel like they were really giving us an... | ||
| Even though it's obviously fiction, I feel like they're giving us a real window on sort of how stuff does work. | ||
| In a weird way, even though, again, it's fiction. | ||
| Like, they just show you how people communicate with one another to get what they want. | ||
| They show you what politics is and how you can use that in your everyday life, but how it's just that business. | ||
| I mean, they are in the business of, like, being shady to one another. | ||
| That's... | ||
| What it is. | ||
| It's a weird field. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| Very bizarre industry. | ||
| Almost all gossip, drama, and lying to people. | ||
| And owing people favors and bipartisan politics and all that stuff that we see on a daily basis in the real world. | ||
| It's just like they're doing a fictional account of it. | ||
| I wonder how exaggerated it is. | ||
| I was just going to say, you can tell that they're doing their research. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You can tell that a lot of that's real. | ||
| And... | ||
| I mean, they definitely push the boundaries. | ||
| Right. | ||
| The president is pushing people onto train tracks. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But they're definitely colluding with, you know, the press and leaking things and trading favors. | ||
| And I think it's a lot of why shit's so goddamn stagnant. | ||
| If the Republicans owe the Democrats 10 favors and the Democrats owe the Republicans 10 favors, then what the fuck are we doing? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, it's all weird, but it's a system that's been around for a long time, and it's just never been exposed in a drama the way it's been on this show. | ||
| I mean, this show, like, they go so deep with it, and obviously the bunch of crazy shit, murders, all this nutty shit, but who knows, man? | ||
| You look at some of the stuff that the Clintons are accused of, and some other presidents are accused of, and look at the Kennedy assassination, who the fuck knows what's really going on behind the scenes with these people. | ||
| They definitely are colluding on some things. | ||
| You know, they're definitely talking and coordinating things, and they're strategizing, and they definitely have plans. | ||
| It's just to what extent does it really go? | ||
| You know another great show that I can't wait for, I don't know when it comes back, Stranger Things on Netflix? | ||
| Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Did you watch that season? | ||
| I just watched episode one. | ||
| I'm not really into, like, Aliens and stuff. | ||
| How dare you? | ||
| Like pro wrestling and not like aliens. | ||
| You son of a bitch. | ||
| They're totally different things. | ||
| Yeah, one of them sucks. | ||
| Wrestling's real. | ||
| Aliens are fake in wrestling. | ||
| Dude, are you telling me you're not into seeing this new Ripley Scott alien movie that's coming out? | ||
| Ripley. | ||
| Ridley Scott, rather. | ||
| I said Ripley Scott. | ||
| I saw the preview for that the other night. | ||
| I do want to see that. | ||
| Good lord, that looks good. | ||
| Dude, what they can do now with special effects is make things way more terrifying. | ||
| That has always been my favorite science fiction franchise. | ||
| I mean, there was a couple of them that were a little, eh, eh. | ||
| But I'm a giant fan of that creature. | ||
| What do they call it? | ||
| The Xenomorph? | ||
| Xenomorph? | ||
| Is that what they call it? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I thought it was just called the Alien. | ||
| I don't know much. | ||
| I think they called it a Xenomorph. | ||
| I forget. | ||
| Maybe I'm making that up. | ||
| But I think that's what it is. | ||
| But that creature is just the most terrifying alien ever. | ||
| Just this vicious insect-like thing that grows to full size in like a few days. | ||
| That's totally possible, too, man. | ||
| That's totally possible. | ||
| We'd have to get some food, though. | ||
| That's the only thing that I didn't like about that. | ||
| Like, how's it growing without food? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, it has to be eating those people. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| But how many people does it eat to get to be 700 pounds or whatever it was? | ||
| Yeah, that's a good point. | ||
| Seems like it would have to eat 700 pounds with other people to even get in the ballpark of 700 pounds. | ||
| Yeah, where did it come on its own ship? | ||
| It came from the dude's chest, remember? | ||
| Oh, yeah! | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It grabbed a hole of his face and it makes it suck its little alien dick. | ||
| And it comes in its stomach, and it makes a person inside your body, and it blows out your chest. | ||
| Oh, fuck. | ||
| Remember that? | ||
| Yeah, it's all coming back to me. | ||
| The face grabs it with his hand, and then literally like an alien tentacle dick thing comes out of the palm, and just mouth fucks you. | ||
| Oh, God. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That hurts. | |
| It's a great animal. | ||
| Like, as far as, like, something that someone created to terrify you, it's an amazing being, you know? | ||
| I mean, I think it's the best alien science fiction creation in it. | ||
| And also, it's H.R. Giger's, like, design. | ||
| So his design was so freaky and dark and twisted. | ||
| Like, it was, like, the Creature of the Black Lagoon meets... | ||
| Like, the wiring of the Millennium Falcon. | ||
| I mean, it's almost like a... | ||
| It's like semi-mechanical looking. | ||
| And insect-like. | ||
| But also, like, kinetic. | ||
| It looks like it has muscles and... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It looks just like it would just rip you apart, man. | ||
| It looks terrifying. | ||
| And that giant head of it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's some scary shit out there, man. | ||
| The fact that its blood is made out of acid... | ||
| I mean, come on, son. | ||
| That animal, that thing, that alien being is the coolest creation, I think, in all of science fiction. | ||
| And this is this week, man. | ||
| This Friday. | ||
| My dork... | ||
| It's on full point right now. | ||
| I'm full sci-fi dork. | ||
| When you see movies, do you actually go to a movie theater like a normal human being ever? | ||
| The fuck are you talking about? | ||
| Well, I mean, you're Joe Rogan. | ||
| I don't know how that works. | ||
| Dude, I'm right next to you on a normal plane. | ||
| I go to normal restaurants with you. | ||
| I do shit with you all the time. | ||
| This isn't a normal plane, Joe. | ||
| When I'm by myself, I'm not flying like this. | ||
| It's a normal plane. | ||
| It's still a plane. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know. | |
| But yeah, no, I tend to go to the movie theater like everybody else, man. | ||
| So like you're going to go see Alien with like a friend or...? | ||
| Do you want to go on a date? | ||
| Is that what you're doing? | ||
| Are you beating around the bush? | ||
| I'm just curious. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I can't really picture it. | |
| I just go to the fucking movies, man. | ||
| I just go to the movies. | ||
| What do you mean you go to the movies? | ||
| Buy a ticket. | ||
| Go to the movies. | ||
|
unidentified
|
By yourself? | |
| No, with a friend. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| I wouldn't go by myself. | ||
| That's a little rough. | ||
| That's weird. | ||
| If you went by yourself, people would stare at you. | ||
| Hey, man. | ||
| Joe Rogan's got no friends. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like, hey... | |
| I got friends. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No one's available right now, okay? | |
| This time was convenient for me. | ||
| I'm a big alien fan. | ||
| Yeah, it's like watching a movie at home by yourself, totally normal. | ||
| Going to the movies by yourself, ooh. | ||
| I've done that before on the road, though. | ||
| And it's awesome, because you actually get to enjoy the movie. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Going to a movie with people can only be a distraction. | ||
| I think I've only gone to the movies by myself, man, maybe six times ever in my whole life. | ||
| But they're good trips. | ||
| I live right next to Tarantino's movie theater, and they play really cool movies there. | ||
| They just had the 25th anniversary of Reservoir Dogs this past month, and they played it every night at midnight for like two weeks. | ||
| What the hell's my point? | ||
| Oh yeah, I don't mind going and checking out a movie by myself at all. | ||
| What I hate is going with someone that has a fucking bag of candy that they keep digging into and shit. | ||
| Or popcorn. | ||
| I know it's a cheesy subject, but how popcorn became the movie theater food makes zero sense to me. | ||
| It's one of the smelliest foods. | ||
| It's one of the weirdest sounding foods. | ||
| It makes people dig in. | ||
| Too much. | ||
| It makes a mess. | ||
| I have a laundry list of complaints about popcorn. | ||
| Yeah, it's definitely not a quiet food. | ||
| And when you get it in a bag, that's the worst. | ||
| Someone's ruffling their bag around. | ||
| Or plastic. | ||
| Anything in plastic. | ||
| You gotta dig into the plastic. | ||
| Crackle, crackle, crackle. | ||
| All those bags are too loud. | ||
| The Reese's Pieces bag, they make it so that you break it open. | ||
| I'm trying to open it so the Reese's Pieces fly everywhere. | ||
| No they don't. | ||
| And then you have to buy a new bag of Reese's Pieces. | ||
| That's the dumbest conspiracy I've ever heard. | ||
| Do you call it Pieces? | ||
| Pieces. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You call it Reese's Pieces? | |
| Reese's Pieces. | ||
| Reese's Pieces. | ||
| It's not Reese's Pieces. | ||
| It's Reese's Pieces. | ||
|
unidentified
|
See this is one of the great conundrums of It's like the Berenstain Bears. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| It's confusing. | ||
| You think it's one thing, but it's really another thing. | ||
| Okay, well, what are the peanut butter cups? | ||
| Reese's. | ||
| Reese's peanut butter cups. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Reese's. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Reese's. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think maybe it's an Ohio thing. | ||
| It was definitely always Reese's when I was growing up. | ||
| I feel like. | ||
| Maybe I'm not. | ||
| Well, people get used to saying shit wrong. | ||
| Like, in Texas, they say, especially. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That's a big thing that people say. | ||
| Instead of especially... | ||
| What do they say? | ||
| Especially. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, wow. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, I don't know. | ||
| It's like there's an X in there. | ||
| Especially. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They'll say, well, y'all especially need to worry about that. | |
| Especially. | ||
| It's a beautiful accent. | ||
| Texas people are truly... | ||
| I was just going to say, that might be my favorite accent. | ||
| They're just so cool. | ||
| Even when I disagree with someone from Texas, like one time... | ||
| One time a cop tried to arrest me and my buddy Matt at a Whataburger. | ||
| This is like eight years ago. | ||
| And we didn't know why he wanted... | ||
| He's like, you guys need to get out of this Whataburger. | ||
| It was like 3 a.m. | ||
| It was our first time in a Whataburger ever. | ||
| We had just placed our order. | ||
| I had just handed the cashier a $5 bill. | ||
| I'll never forget it. | ||
| And a sheriff comes over my shoulder and he goes, you and your friend need to get out of here. | ||
| And I'm like, really? | ||
| What? | ||
| Cut to our other buddy, other comedian... | ||
| Gets in trouble for defending us. | ||
| He's like, you can't kick my friends out. | ||
| This is their first trip at a Whataburger. | ||
| Why are you kicking them out of here? | ||
| And the cop's like, don't worry about it. | ||
| And cut to the next day, our buddy, who ended up spending a little bit of time in jail that night defending us, me and my other little L.A. friend got to leave the Whataburger, but our buddy from Texas got in trouble. | ||
| Our buddy from Texas the next day has his friend, who's the chief of police on speakerphone, We're sitting in the car, traveling back to California, and he's like, so what happened? | ||
| What happened, buddy? | ||
| And the chief of police literally goes, yeah, the cop told me that you were defending your friends. | ||
| It appears as though... | ||
| According to this officer, a couple of faggots were fighting at a Whataburger or something like that. | ||
| And me and my buddy, we're obviously the couple of faggots in this story. | ||
| We start dying of laughter. | ||
| I mean, dying of laughter. | ||
| But with that said, the guy with his Texas accent, you could tell he's wearing like a cowboy hat, chief of police, a couple of faggots, fighting at a Whataburger. | ||
| And me and my buddy were having like a play argument at the time, like, you know, about whatever it was. | ||
| We weren't, obviously we weren't fighting. | ||
| It was me and Matt Edgar. | ||
| You know, California kid. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| I'm a water. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| Awesome. | ||
| Dude, that's hilarious. | ||
| So the cop was just being homophobic. | ||
| Totally. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| So were you guys joking around about stuff? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We were literally having some, like, play fight about, like, it was like a play argument about, I can't remember, who knows what, you know, literally a couple of LA comedians excited to be on the road, probably opening for free for That is so funny. | ||
| So you were just basically being comedians and being loud. | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| And they decided you were two gay guys in the middle of a spat. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Well, there's definitely that in Texas, too. | ||
| Like, in the South in general. | ||
| Like, I had some friends that moved to Nashville from L.A. Love Nashville, too. | ||
| I do, too. | ||
| But they had this idea that they were gonna, you know, they're gonna be in Nashville, and Nashville's all open-minded and artists. | ||
| And she said, like, right around, like, the third or fourth time I heard the word nigger, I was like, okay, this is... | ||
| There's some outlying areas. | ||
| You're in a Walmart an hour away from Nashville, and you hear that kind of talk, and you're like, okay, I'm still in Tennessee. | ||
| Like this... | ||
| You know, woo. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But at least they don't have a confederate flag. | |
| Yeah, and their t-shirts. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| But I mean, like, the way that that cop called us a couple of, well, you know, a couple of faggots, it's like, I believed it. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| He almost convinced me. | ||
| I'm like, I guess I'm a faggot, man. | ||
| In Texas, I'm a faggot. | ||
| In California, I'm Tony. | ||
| I wonder if that's, like, where you were. | ||
| You were in Houston, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| During that? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That was like eight or nine years ago. | ||
| That was in Corpus Christi. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| But I don't think that would happen in Austin. | ||
| No. | ||
| Yeah, no. | ||
| Yeah, Austin has got a... | ||
| It's more progressive. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Austin is a total livable place. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, it would be a nice place to live. | ||
| You would enjoy it there. | ||
| When we do shows there, man, they're like particularly epic shows. | ||
| Oh my god, yes. | ||
| Cap City. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Cap City's amazing. | ||
| Austin City Limits, that theater there, that's amazing. | ||
| Yeah, it's a special place, man, in my eyes. | ||
| Texas is a different spot. | ||
| It's more rowdy than a lot of places in the country, but it's also friendly. | ||
| It's got a lot of good qualities, like a lightness to it. | ||
| It's like they greet you at the front of the store when you walk in, but they also make sure you're not stealing anything. | ||
| It's just a little more extreme on both levels. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But then there's like so much space too. | ||
| Like what you're talking about is just the cities. | ||
| And what's interesting is the cities are just a small percentage of this monstrous land mass that's known as Texas. | ||
| And you don't realize how big it is until you have to drive through it. | ||
| And you're like, oh my god. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It tastes like a day. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's huge. | ||
| Huge. | ||
| It's an enormous state. | ||
| Great place, though. | ||
| It's crazy how states have different feels, man. | ||
| They really do. | ||
| Like, a show in Albany is just gonna be different than a show in Dallas. | ||
| It's just gonna be different. | ||
| I mean, it just is. | ||
| It's gonna be diabolically worse. | ||
| Albany, New York, oh my god, no. | ||
| Yeah, you didn't enjoy it up there, huh? | ||
| Never again. | ||
| What do you think it is? | ||
| You think it's just like a lack of opportunity up there? | ||
| The weather's not so good? | ||
| People feel trapped? | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Keep going. | ||
| You got it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You're just getting started. | |
| You're 100% right so far. | ||
| You could go on and on. | ||
| The why is the real question. | ||
| Don't you think though that it's... | ||
| Well, they got stuck there. | ||
| They were there from another time. | ||
| You know, their parents were there, their parents' parents, but don't you think that like... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, here she goes. | |
| Oh, here she goes. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| She's talking. | ||
| She keeps looking at us, smiling. | ||
| She knows she's on the show. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| She doesn't even know what this show is. | ||
| I think she was about to plug her own podcast for a second. | ||
| I think this is going to be cool because she'll be on a podcast that she doesn't even know exists. | ||
| Right. | ||
| She'll never find it. | ||
| You think some of her friends will tell her? | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| But we're bringing this podcast on a plane down for a landing, young Tony. | ||
| So in conclusion, this is a crazy-ass night of awesome fights. | ||
| Stipe Miocic is a bad motherfucker. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Cleveland, Ohio. | ||
| A lot of fun people to root for last night. | ||
| And my people dominated all the way through. | ||
| Everybody that I picked a 1-1. | ||
| Ioana is my everything. | ||
| I mean, we were really connected during that fight last night. | ||
| She's your everything? | ||
| Like your love? | ||
| She's your love? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I feel like this is real. | ||
| I really want it to be real. | ||
| She points, I mean, she stops in the middle of fights and looks over at you and points. | ||
| I'm so glad that you finally started to notice this because one of the funny things is I've been sort of telling you, like, you thought I was crazy. | ||
| Oh, no, it's definitely happening now. | ||
| But a few fights ago, you literally thought, I could tell by the way you were looking at me. | ||
| I thought you were trolling me. | ||
| Right, I know. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know you did. | |
| And I don't ever troll you when my point is. | ||
| It's like, I'm so glad that you're seeing it. | ||
| Because it's like, to me, it's like that part of Teen Wolf where Michael J. Fox goes to his dad and he's like, Dad, I'm a werewolf. | ||
| I'm a werewolf. | ||
| But the dad's like, I'm a werewolf too. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's so true. | |
| The fact that you finally saw it. | ||
| When she was doing that before the fifth round, she was just looking at me, pointing right at me and stuff. | ||
| And you and DC Cormier both look back at me over your right shoulders at the same time. | ||
| Like, is this motherfucker... | ||
| Yeah, I was not sure if it was you, and I looked back, and I'm like, God damn, she's pointing right where Tony was sitting. | ||
| And she kept doing it, and she kept looking at me after each round and everything, and I feel like we're exchanging energy. | ||
| I feel like we need to do a podcast with her, and then you and her need to go to dinner. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Just whatever you do, don't talk about it on the internet, or her boyfriend will find out. | ||
| Too late? | ||
| I don't care about her boyfriend. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ha ha. | |
| He's a soccer player from Poland. | ||
| Dude, don't out the guy. | ||
| Son of a bitch. | ||
| God, so ruthless. | ||
| Ruthless Tony Hinchcliffe. | ||
| What do you got coming up, man? | ||
| You got some dates? | ||
| Huge dates. | ||
| You're doing a big tour, right? | ||
| The Monster Energy Outbreak Tour all of the month of August. | ||
| Nashville. | ||
| You're like a STD. Everywhere. | ||
| You're in Outbreak? | ||
| Yeah, the Monster Energy Outbreak Tour. | ||
| That's what it's called. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wait a minute. | |
| Is Outbreak like a beverage that Monster Energy has? | ||
| No, that's the tour that they do. | ||
| Oh, they do their own tour. | ||
| Normally they do it with like rappers and stuff. | ||
| And, you know, Monster like doesn't do billboards and... | ||
| like have commercials they invest in like cool things like the ufc and like people i've learned this all recently from this whole thing so they do this outbreak tour thing which they've had some really cool bands and rappers do and it's been very successful and I'm really excited to be doing it. | ||
| Fetty Wap and the Chainsmokers. | ||
| But what do they do when you say they do a tour? | ||
| Do they put their name on it? | ||
| Do they promote it? | ||
| Both. | ||
| Yeah, they do that. | ||
| And it's just a really cool way of not compromising anything's integrity while just being associated with something that they think is cool. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yeah, they're in kickboxing too. | ||
| They sponsor John Wayne Par. | ||
| Oh, awesome. | ||
| Yeah, they sponsor a lot of MMA fighters, of course. | ||
| But I'm really excited about those tour dates. | ||
| It's my first ever small theater tour and rock club tour, House of Blues in Cleveland, Gramercy Theater in New York City. | ||
| and just absolutely going everywhere. | ||
| North Carolina, Florida, I mean, you name it. | ||
| That's dope. | ||
| Columbus, Ohio, Cleveland, everywhere. | ||
| Powerful Tony in Portland. | ||
| Portland, Seattle, the Aladdin Theater in Portland. | ||
| Oh man, how fun is Portland? | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| How fun was 420 there? | ||
| A blast. | ||
| That shit was epic. | ||
| That's a real holiday that became a holiday during our life. | ||
| Totally. | ||
| Really during the last, like what, 20 years maybe? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Nobody used to do 420 shows, but just a few years ago, I started doing 420 shows on April 20th, and it's a holiday, man. | ||
| It's a holiday for us. | ||
| It feels festive. | ||
| When we go out and we did those 420 shows, last year and this year, they feel festive. | ||
| Where the fuck did we go last year? | ||
| Seattle. | ||
| Seattle for 420 last year. | ||
| Next year, probably either Denver or maybe San Francisco. | ||
| That would be fun. | ||
| Denver might be fun, but San Francisco gets it too. | ||
| Might be fun to do it up there. | ||
| I'm going to Denver too. | ||
| I'm going absolutely everywhere. | ||
| All those dates are available at TonyHinchcliffe.com. | ||
| Jesus! | ||
| And there's an E on the end of that, unlike the picture that's up at the Ice House. | ||
| And I have three podcasts, Kill Tony, The Pony Hour, where I interview people, and The Store Horseman, which is a pro wrestling podcast. | ||
| Oh, God. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, God. | |
| I like the name. | ||
| Store Horseman? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's like the Four Horsemen, but we're all from the Comedy Store. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| And so these are all at iTunes. | ||
| You get them all on iTunes, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Glorious. | ||
| Well, ladies and gentlemen, we're bringing this big bird down to the ground. | ||
| Just going to give a shout-out to all the mommies out there, because today's Mother's Day. | ||
| And future mommies too, like Joanna Janjacek. | ||
| Are you going to get her retired when you knock her up? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| We're going to double retire together. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| You're going to retire too? | ||
| Well... | ||
| But you're going to be inspired after you have a kid. | ||
| Just for a little bit, yeah. | ||
| With that savage? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, God. | ||
| You're going to have to learn how to fight. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| I'm going to have to learn how to satisfy a woman. | ||
| An actual woman. | ||
| All right, ladies and gentlemen, so one thing that did happen this week, Everlast had to cancel. | ||
| Something came up, so he won't be on this week, and he'll have to reschedule. | ||
| He's a busy man, but he's got his new... | ||
| New project, War Porn Industries, which is great shit. | ||
| You can catch it on YouTube. | ||
| You can catch some of the videos he's played. | ||
| Actually, I don't know if you can get it on YouTube. | ||
| I've seen it on Instagram, though. | ||
| But I think they're trying to figure out how to distribute or how you can get it. | ||
| But they're doing that. | ||
| That's an independent project. | ||
| I like that music is kind of going along the same ways that stand-up is going. | ||
| They're doing their own shit, and they're trying to do things independently. | ||
| I had Shirley Manson on the other day from Garbage and she was kind of breaking down the music business and what it's like and how difficult it is to make money as a band today and how now music companies They take everything. | ||
| They take a piece of your merchandise. | ||
| They take a piece of your live touring. | ||
| They take a percentage of everything. | ||
| Everything you do across the board. | ||
| So they do these deals with these artists where when they distribute their music, they essentially own a chunk of them. | ||
| Yeah, they do that in stand-up, though, and it's very weird. | ||
| How did it go on in stand-up? | ||
| Who's doing that in stand-up? | ||
| There's this weird company, you know? | ||
| Have you ever heard of Comedy Dynamics? | ||
| Who does that? | ||
| A lot of our friends. | ||
| They make a lot of our friends specials. | ||
|
unidentified
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What do they do? | |
| They distribute. | ||
| But what's weird is that they sell it, which they don't really sell it, but you need to have some of these big companies, you need to have like, it's the most bureaucratic bullshit you'll ever hear in your life. | ||
| You would never put up with it for a second. | ||
| You probably get to bypass it because you're obviously at the top of the game. | ||
| They make a deal where they don't own their special? | ||
| Is that what you're saying? | ||
| First of all, I don't think they own it forever. | ||
| Second of all, I don't think they own the entire thing. | ||
| But these companies take 20-30% of your special for absolutely zero reason. | ||
| Special that you already have to give, what, 10% to your manager and this and that, blah blah blah blah. | ||
| Well, I know there was a podcast production company that David Taylor and Ari Shafir had a real problem with. | ||
| Because they were pitching a television show, and they created a television show. | ||
| They wanted someone to help them try to sell it, like to set something up. | ||
| And these people apparently wanted a ridiculous amount of money, like 40% of the show. | ||
| And they're like, whoa, whoa, whoa. | ||
| There's 100%, and there's two of us, and you get 40? | ||
| Like, are you fucking crazy? | ||
| Like, they wanted more than a third to just come in and just sort of, like, help them negotiate a deal with their product. | ||
| Like, they didn't create it. | ||
| They didn't sculpt it. | ||
| They didn't, you know, they didn't think it through and do all the work on it. | ||
| So people get real squirrely when it comes to those kind of weird deals where you're not a content creator, but you're instead some company, right? | ||
| And there's somebody else that creates the content. | ||
| But what's beautiful now is guys like you or me or all these people that do podcasts, you're all of a sudden your own content creator. | ||
| And you don't have to have all these fucking people in your ear. | ||
| You don't have to have everybody giving you their own opinion. | ||
| I made my Netflix special, man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| At the Ice House. | ||
| That shit's crazy. | ||
| Think about a show. | ||
| Have you ever done Colbert or one of those shows? | ||
| You ever done one of those? | ||
|
unidentified
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No. | |
| But when you do do those, one thing that you do realize... | ||
| By the way, you drank both my waters, you son of a bitch. | ||
| No, those are mine. | ||
| I had one, you had one. | ||
| No, you had one. | ||
| I have one right here. | ||
| When you watch those shows, you see how many people are working behind the scenes. | ||
| You're like, wait, wait, wait, hold on. | ||
| That's one thing that I noticed when I did that dude's, what's his name, Bill Russell, the podcast guy? | ||
| I did his HBO show. | ||
| I was like, Jesus Christ, it's him and me sitting down having a conversation, and there's a crew of people here. | ||
| This is essentially like an overstaffed podcast. | ||
| No doubt. | ||
| No doubt. | ||
| And because of that, it all gets weird. | ||
| It's all weird. | ||
| Yeah, when I made TV shows, man, I wrote some major Comedy Central shows, and the thing that shocked me the entire time, and I don't mean slight shock, I mean true shock, was the amazing waste of money. | ||
| They're just throwing money away. | ||
| Why do you think that is? | ||
| They don't know any better? | ||
| I think they're on an old Hollywood system, and when they were coming up, they were trained that way. | ||
| It's like if comedians all were still only focused on getting five minutes on The Tonight Show. | ||
| That's how I feel like some of those executives stayed. | ||
| Instead of being like, what's next? | ||
| Oh, this Netflix thing will never have to worry about that. | ||
| I remember one exec literally saying, I'm not kidding you. | ||
| In 2011, we don't have to worry about them. | ||
| We don't have to worry about the internet. | ||
| People will always come back to TV. TV is priceless. | ||
| They will always come back. | ||
| And I remember literally thinking... | ||
| I don't know about that! | ||
| Like, watching this stuff... | ||
| Well, it made sense. | ||
| Up until the point where you could watch the internet on your TV, and then all games were off. | ||
| Well, yeah, but he was also... | ||
| Yes. | ||
| But he wasn't saying it like that. | ||
| He was saying, like, they're always gonna need TV channels. | ||
| Like, he was saying, like... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, there's always people like that, man. | ||
| I mean, there's people that tell you you have to do clean comedy. | ||
| There's people that tell you you have to do this, you have to do that. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And they convince themselves, and then all of a sudden... | ||
| They can't even see the light. | ||
| Well, you remember that girl that you were dating that was telling you that you had to do dark comedy? | ||
| You should be all dark. | ||
| People give shit advice all the time. | ||
| They just do. | ||
| It's a real common thing, man. | ||
| Sometimes I wonder if they're trying to sabotage you. | ||
| Sometimes when I hear people's really shitty advice, I'm like, do you really believe this? | ||
| Or do you subconsciously want to sabotage this person? | ||
| Are you, like, not making sense, but you're pushing it, pretending you're making sense? | ||
| Like, what's really going on here? | ||
| Is this, like, your own internal turmoil bubbling to the surface? | ||
| Right. | ||
| I think a lot of people... | ||
| I think a lot of people want to be given advice from people they think are smart, so sometimes they'll give those people bad advice. | ||
| Not realizing that we know it's bad advice, hoping that we give them good advice. | ||
| Does that make sense? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| Like that you'll correct them and give them good advice. | ||
| I just think that some people are also egomaniacs and they think that they're right all the time. | ||
| Yeah, that too. | ||
| It's super hard to just step outside of yourself and look at your own opinions, look at someone else's opinions and go, hmm, who's right here? | ||
| Because you automatically want to think that you're right. | ||
| So you start out from the position that you're right. | ||
| It's because we get attached to ideas, and ideas sort of become a part of you. | ||
| They define you. | ||
| They're not just an idea. | ||
| It's you and your idea, all connected. | ||
| And that's a real problem that a lot of people have with thinking. | ||
| I've had it myself, and it's something that I've had to work really hard to push away, to knock out. | ||
| You know, thinking and learning how to think is like one of the weirdest things because it's one of the most important parts of life but it's one of the few things that we discuss here in school. | ||
| When you're in school, you're learning information. | ||
| But are you learning how to think? | ||
| Are you learning how to be objective? | ||
| Are you learning how to look at yourself and look at your actions and how you treat others and how you treat yourself and what distractions you're throwing up in your life in order to deal with your... | ||
| Especially if you're... | ||
| If you're not getting things done, if you're procrastinating, you're putting things off, if you have any addictions or things along those lines, you start creating all these problems in your life to distract yourself with. | ||
| And they don't teach you about that in school. | ||
| It's really interesting. | ||
| It's really interesting and they don't teach you a lot of shit. | ||
| Which is really interesting. | ||
| I was just thinking about this last night while I was smoking weed before going to bed. | ||
| And I was thinking, somebody gave me a dirty look because I was blatantly just smoking a joint like it was a cigarette in front of that hotel. | ||
| I don't give a fuck, right? | ||
| But somebody gave me a look like, eh, eh, like that look. | ||
| Well, in Texas they do that stuff. | ||
| I know. | ||
| In California nobody gives a shit. | ||
| That's why you're used to doing it. | ||
| If you're hanging out at the comedy store outside and someone sparks a joint up, it's super normal. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What's crazy is that, like, if I took out a pill bottle and put a pill in my hand and popped it in my mouth, people are like, ah! | ||
| Nobody even goes, what's that? | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Oh, I think they do. | ||
| It could be anything. | ||
| Oh, I do. | ||
| I see somebody take a pill. | ||
| I'm like, what's going on, dude? | ||
| You tripping? | ||
| What are you up to, man? | ||
| If he's a stranger? | ||
| If I see a dude pop a pill and make eye contact, I very well might say, what's the pill, man? | ||
| I'm nosy. | ||
| Meanwhile, it's funny. | ||
| People get judgy about joints. | ||
| They'll have a drink right in front of you. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And an antidepressant. | ||
| And a painkiller. | ||
| And an anxiety medicine. | ||
| But they'll give you a funny look for smoking a joint, self-medicating after meditating. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Yeah, but the joint, the problem is it smells. | ||
| Maybe you went to the gym. | ||
| Other people have to smell it. | ||
| And some people think about secondhand smoke. | ||
| And they think you're making them smell this thing that you're doing. | ||
| You see what I'm saying? | ||
| Yeah, I guess the smelling part. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's like someone with a big stinky cigar. | ||
| If they're sitting right next to you at a bar, you'd be like, oh Jesus, this guy, this stinky ass cigar. | ||
| Or cigarettes. | ||
| So you smoke cigarettes so you don't realize how vile they are. | ||
| But when someone else who doesn't smoke cigarettes smells them, like, I had to be with Stan Hope. | ||
| We were in a closed room. | ||
| We were talking about something. | ||
| Then he just sparks up. | ||
| We're in the comedy store bar, the little comedian's bar. | ||
| I had to stand outside. | ||
| I'm like, dude, you just smoked three cigarettes in five minutes. | ||
| I gotta go outside. | ||
| There's no air left in this room. | ||
| It's just all cigarette smoke. | ||
| You don't even think about it because it's super normal. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| How much do you smoke now? | ||
| I'm cutting back a little bit. | ||
| Pack a day? | ||
| A little bit less. | ||
| A little bit less. | ||
| We're getting there. | ||
| I'm doing some work. | ||
| I just got this DVD set that's supposed to hypnotize the magic out of it. | ||
| It's supposed to make you realize what a terrible person you are for smoking cigarettes. | ||
| Well, you're not a terrible person. | ||
| You're just being silly. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Just torturing yourself. | |
| I know that it's bad. | ||
| It's an interesting feeling, though. | ||
| I've smoked one of your cigarettes before. | ||
| It gives you, like, a little head rush. | ||
| Like, it's good to do right before a show, I think. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I mean, I don't think you should do it, because if you do it, you'll get addicted, and you'll smoke a lot of them. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But if you're the type of person that could smoke one cigarette and then go do something, I think it has a... | ||
| It's been kind of proven that nicotine... | ||
| You actually wouldn't have to smoke. | ||
| You should just take nicotine gum. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| But that nicotine has a cognitive benefit, that it's actually, like, a nootropic... | ||
| That's good. | ||
| I can't imagine writing or performing without nicotine. | ||
| That part's weird. | ||
| Wow, that's crazy. | ||
| I can go without anything else, but that part's crazy. | ||
| That's crazy that you think that. | ||
| I started on it. | ||
| You know, it sucks. | ||
| Where I'm from in Youngstown, I'm not making lazy excuses, but... | ||
| Where I'm from, tons of people smoked, everybody smoked, and my parents smoked, and, you know, they both quit now, but when I was growing up, it was like, I thought my dad was cool as hell, this cool Italian guy, what up tone, and he'd light up a cigarette all cool, like a real Italian guy, with a Zippo and a pack of Marlboro lights, and he looked cool, and it And my favorite movie was Goodfellas my whole life, and everybody makes smoking look cool in that. | ||
| Ray Leona, Robert De Niro, Joe Pesci, everybody's fucking smoking. | ||
| They're selling cigarettes, eating pasta, taking the lobster out of the ice. | ||
| Everything looks better in that movie. | ||
| It is crazy that cigarettes are thought of as a cool thing. | ||
| And it's also, there's a thing where you know that it's bad for you and you're doing it anyway because you don't give a fuck. | ||
| It is. | ||
| It's definitely the weirdest, stupidest thing that I do. | ||
| Like... | ||
| I've never even tried cocaine, not once, which I think is almost like unheard of for somebody doing stand-up in LA for 10 years. | ||
| I've never tried it either. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Nope. | ||
| Yeah, but meanwhile, and the reason why I don't try it is because I don't, you know, I don't want to know. | ||
| I don't... | ||
| Well, I did a tea once. | ||
| It's called mate de coca. | ||
| It's a tea that you make with coca leaves. | ||
| And it's not, it's like a super mild tea. | ||
| Like, you know, the coca leaves, they chew them and it gives them energy, almost like a coffee thing. | ||
| But I didn't like the feeling. | ||
| I couldn't shut the fuck up. | ||
| I was talking too much. | ||
| I was just feeling like really, and that was just from that. | ||
| I was like, God, what would I be like on coke? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think that has a lot to do with my shitty environment coming up. | ||
| And now that I'm used to doing everything with that crutch, I'm just trying to slowly retrain my brain and slowly create new habits and figure it all out. | ||
| But I'm definitely going to quit here soon. | ||
| Start smoking more pop. | ||
| Good move. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, it's so bad for your health. | ||
| Like, you don't want to die young, man. | ||
| No, I don't. | ||
| And you don't want to, like, have a slow death, either. | ||
| Yeah, the worst thing is, that's what my doctor said. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| That's it, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| And on that note, we're going to wrap this bitch up. | ||
| I'm bringing it on down. | ||
| I see the ground outside the window. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yep. | |
| No chemtrails, again. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| I keep waiting. | ||
| Alright folks, we'll see ya. |
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