May 15, 2017 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:27:51
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
| *Doo doo doo doo doo* I'm here with confirmed cosmonaut Steve-O Yeah, dude. | ||
| A man who's been to space. | ||
| A man who knows about the atmosphere. | ||
| I can't say I've been to space. | ||
| I went up in a Russian MiG fighter jet to the edge of the Earth's atmosphere. | ||
| How high was that? | ||
| Do you know? | ||
| Oh, I fucking forget shit. | ||
| I fucking forget. | ||
| But it wasn't that much higher than... | ||
| So a normal flight is like what? | ||
| 30,000 feet. | ||
| 30,000 feet. | ||
| I've heard they go higher, right? | ||
| They can go up to like 35,000 for a commercial flight? | ||
| I want to say that it might have been like not much more than 50,000, but I can't back that up. | ||
| I don't remember. | ||
| It was shockingly less than you would imagine. | ||
| Oh, that's you. | ||
| Yeah, there I am. | ||
| You made a video of it? | ||
| Uh-huh. | ||
| Yeah, it was for Wild Boys. | ||
| Oh, no shit. | ||
| Oh, my God! | ||
| Look, it's going straight up! | ||
| Oh, my God! | ||
| They used a lot of stock footage, but at the same time, on the way down, this motherfucker did twirls and fuck. | ||
| It was like the gnarliest rollercoaster ride ever. | ||
| And this is me filming myself. | ||
| Like, look at that, dude! | ||
| Oh my god! | ||
| It's fucking night up there! | ||
| Wow, that's incredible! | ||
| That shows, for anybody who wants to say, that the fucking world is flat. | ||
| That's fucking proof, motherfuckers! | ||
| Well, you can see the curvature of the earth. | ||
| Wow, that's nuts. | ||
| And so when you were doing this, did you get close to blacking out? | ||
| Like, how was the G-force? | ||
| I didn't get close to black now or anything like that, and I thought that it would be one thing. | ||
| What it was was I was just fucking claustrophobic, man. | ||
| I was cramped in a tiny little... | ||
| I get claustrophobic, dude. | ||
| I didn't like that. | ||
| Did they tell you how many g-forces you were doing? | ||
| Ah, that's another thing I can't remember. | ||
| But I feel like there was more G shit going on when we did the zero gravity plane. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| Which, you know, it just kind of goes along and then it does a big bell curve kind of deal, so you become weightless. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And that one, you could feel yourself really being pulled down with the Gs or whatever. | ||
| I did a flight with the F-A-18 with the Blue Angels once. | ||
| They took me up and they take you out. | ||
| You go down to San Diego and then you travel east, like through the desert. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| I don't know which Air Force base is out there. | ||
| It's like real close to, I guess close to Arizona or maybe even in Arizona. | ||
| But we got to seven and a half G's. | ||
| We were doing these crazy things where you go like through these mountain ranges and you're only like 100, maybe 200 feet off the ground, really low to the ground, like turning and twisting and fucking bananas. | ||
| Dude. | ||
| Yeah, dude. | ||
| So they took you up in Wild Boys? | ||
| What year was this? | ||
| It was okay, we were cool with the Russians then. | ||
| Right, that was 2005. Yeah, 2005. That was our last ever Wild Boys trip. | ||
| Oh yeah? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And we brought Knoxville with us. | ||
| We had some Russian army kind of dudes and Knoxville was like, shoot me with the 9mm gun with the rubber bullet while the dog bites me. | ||
|
unidentified
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What? | |
| Yeah, he was going for it. | ||
| And our director, Jeff Tremaine, was like, hey, if you still have this in you, why don't we not do it for TV? Let's make another movie. | ||
| And that was why we stopped doing Wild Boys and made Jackass No. | ||
| 2. If you still have this in you. | ||
| You still want to get it beaten out with rubber bullets. | ||
| We do. | ||
| A lot of shit happened on that last Wild Boys trip, man. | ||
| We had this practice of like... | ||
| For the censors, you know, it's called standards and practices. | ||
| They'll be like, you know, they'll give back notes like, you can't, you know, show this. | ||
| And so we would film what we call red herrings, like just blatantly ridiculous shit that's never going to be allowed on TV. But then we'll be like, okay, we'll cut this out. | ||
| And so then we'll be able to keep some other shit. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So we would always go out of our way to film this fucked up stuff. | ||
| And in Russia, we... | ||
| Me and one of the guys from the crew put on these animal suits. | ||
| What was it at the time? | ||
| It wasn't panda bears. | ||
| It was polar bears with a big fucking mascot head. | ||
| We fucking hired two hookers and had full-on fucking hookers came in like... | ||
| Full porno. | ||
| We felt full fucking porno. | ||
| And we included that in the episode. | ||
| And the notes came back from standards and practices like, please, you have to take out the... | ||
| Cock sucking? | ||
| Yeah, the polar bear getting his dick sucked. | ||
| The whole thing. | ||
|
unidentified
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And... | |
| Yeah, and there was a little bit of hooker action in that one. | ||
| I'm not necessarily that stoked about it, but we went to a whorehouse, brought this hooker back to the hotel. | ||
| I don't think I ever could even have sex with a hooker. | ||
| Without snuggling after. | ||
| I want to snuggle. | ||
| Just stay with me. | ||
| I want to cuddle and stuff. | ||
| And in the morning, this hooker tells me how much I owe her. | ||
| And I'm like, that's fucking outrageous. | ||
| There's no fucking way. | ||
| I don't care if your fucking pimp wants to kick my ass and fucking kill me. | ||
| I'm not paying that fucking much. | ||
| It was that much? | ||
|
unidentified
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How much was it? | |
| I forget. | ||
| It was so long ago. | ||
| But... | ||
| But yeah, I was outraged. | ||
| So it wasn't negotiated beforehand? | ||
| It just wasn't in that case. | ||
| I remember clearly, I was like, you want that much? | ||
| And I said, I'll give you this much, and that's how much you get. | ||
|
unidentified
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Period. | |
| And we came out, right, like, you know, I gotta go film. | ||
| And walking through the lobby, Knoxville is down there, having breakfast. | ||
| This hooker comes walking by Knoxville and she says that's not Steve-O. | ||
| That's cheapo I was never even that much into like hookers, but But but you know in looking back on I guess I really fucking kind of had sex with a bunch of hookers because I had this girlfriend and I work a program of recovery. | ||
| I gotta be honest and shit. | ||
| I had this girlfriend, she was an English chick, and she says, have you ever had sex with a prostitute? | ||
| I'm like, oh, fuck. | ||
| I never did until I was in England one time. | ||
| We did this gumball rally where you race cars with all the rich guys. | ||
| They're getting hookers and they got me one. | ||
| I told her the whole story about how... | ||
| I was like, can you give me a massage? | ||
| And she's giving me a back rub. | ||
| And this hooker says, this is one expensive back rub. | ||
| And I felt like she was making fun of me. | ||
| And I said, ah, fuck it. | ||
| And I put on some Motley Crue and put on a rubber and I humped her. | ||
| I told this story to my girlfriend. | ||
| She says, I said, okay. | ||
| Did you... | ||
| Was there any other ones? | ||
| And I'm like, ah, fuck. | ||
| I'm like, well... | ||
| In New Zealand, there was a massage parlor and it turned out that they just have sex with you. | ||
| It's a joke. | ||
| I felt like I was having sex with a prostitute, but she was a masseuse. | ||
| She said, there's another one. | ||
| I'm like, well, there's a time in Indonesia. | ||
|
unidentified
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Oh no. | |
| So it just kept rolling off? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And the thing was, at that exact time, she arranged this trip to go to Cornwall. | ||
| It's this little surf town in England. | ||
| Because I collect pictures of different countries. | ||
| And I call it my surf passport. | ||
| And I'm like, I want to get a surfing photo so I can include England. | ||
| She says, I don't know why you're making a surf passport. | ||
| You should have a fucking hooker passport. | ||
| It's so funny, too. | ||
| Driving over here, I was thinking, man, I'm so nervous about going on Joe Rogan's podcast because how can I touch the last time? | ||
| It was so epic. | ||
| There's never been another interview that I've ever done that I've gotten more feedback. | ||
| People just being like, dude, I fucking heard that. | ||
| People are inspired, people who are struggling with substance abuse, and they're like, man, that helped me get sober. | ||
| Howard Stern like you name it any interview I've ever done in my life like it has This has been the one that I hear about the most and I get the most positive feedback Fucking grateful to you for that man. | ||
| Well, I'm grateful for you coming on. | ||
| You can't compare yourself to yourself though. | ||
| Don't ever do that. | ||
| Hey, I get that fuck you over. | ||
| It'll get you every time I get that. | ||
| I know. | ||
| I saw that on Jim Jeffries. | ||
| Jim Jeffries does. | ||
| I think he even did that on his special. | ||
| He's like, oh, this special isn't as good as my last special. | ||
| He said that on this special. | ||
| Oh, you can't do that. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But that's the thing. | ||
| I'm not going to do that too much. | ||
| Got to be in the moment. | ||
| Right. | ||
| In the moment, Steve-O. Thank you for that, Jim. | ||
| You're an in-the-moment guy. | ||
| I'm pretty good about that, but I should say I'm not going to get in my head and I'm not going to trip myself out, but I did want to come in hot, so I just fucking came out with the hooker stories. | ||
| That's a good move. | ||
| You're going from edge of space to Earth isn't flat. | ||
| Oh, dude. | ||
| And Chris Pawnee is my Wild Boys co-star guy. | ||
| I remember at one point saying something to the effect of, like, I'm an astronaut. | ||
| And Pawnee has fucking nailed me so hard. | ||
| It was so fucking funny. | ||
| He says, you're not not a virgin because you go to the edge of the girl's vagina. | ||
| Good point. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You kind of have to cross the goal line. | ||
| What was more dangerous, doing Jackass or doing Wild Boys? | ||
| Ah, dude, it had to be Wild Boys a thousand times over, man. | ||
| Because I watch Jackass and I go, wow, these guys are so crazy. | ||
| But I watch Wild Boys and literally my asshole just tightens up. | ||
| My toes curl. | ||
| I start clenching my hands together. | ||
| I can't do it. | ||
| I don't know how the fuck you guys did it and got away with it. | ||
| Right, there's no question, man. | ||
| Like fucking lions, tigers, bears, venomous reptiles. | ||
| Yeah, when that lion climbed a tree and bit your fucking hat. | ||
| Here's the thing, right? | ||
| And here's the thing, and there is a distinction about this. | ||
| Jackass would completely fade. | ||
| There's so much integrity in jackass. | ||
| Knoxville would not ever... | ||
| People say, is this stuff you do real? | ||
| Fuck yeah, it's real, 100%. | ||
| And with Wild Boys, there is no... | ||
| I mean, what you see is it happened. | ||
| But what we were dishonest about with Wild Boys is, like, locations. | ||
| We would pretend that we were in Africa when really they had this fucking... | ||
| In California, there's a company called, like, Hollywood Animals, right? | ||
| Where they've got, like, you know, whatever. | ||
| They've got the fucking lions and the tigers and shit. | ||
| Now, when we went over to Africa the first time, we brought the zebra suit. | ||
| Every intention of being on safari, playing around in front of lions. | ||
| But that just wasn't in the cards. | ||
| They were like, no, that's not going to happen. | ||
| Oh my god, they'd kill you. | ||
| Yeah, we filmed this great whole thing going through the safari in the two-man zebra suit. | ||
| But the only way we could get the end was to come back to California. | ||
| And I remember Jay Leno fucking called us out. | ||
| The first time we went on the Jay Leno show to promote Wild Boys, he says, you know, I watched... | ||
| He came to the dressing room and he says, I watched that lion clip with the two-man zebra suit. | ||
| And I'm thinking, hmm... | ||
| You know, I've never seen gravel like that in Africa, on the ground. | ||
| And he says, the way that the lion went for the zebra head, he said, no part of that... | ||
| No part of that lion wants that fake zebra head. | ||
| It just doesn't make sense. | ||
| And he was so right. | ||
| He nailed it 100%. | ||
| He's like, I'm guessing what they did was they rubbed some kind of shit on the zebra head to attract the lion to it. | ||
| And he just broke it down. | ||
| The last thing I want to do is be a fucking fan of Jay Leno. | ||
| Jay Leno's a good guy. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| He is, I'm telling you, man. | ||
| He just seems weird because he did The Tonight Show for so long. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| And I'm not trying to just piggyback on Howard Stern being a Stern fan, but I don't know. | ||
| I got a weird vibe myself from Jay Leno, but I'll take a word for it. | ||
| And he impressed the shit out of me with that, calling out that lying bit. | ||
| What weird vibe did you get from him? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Like, I just felt like for all the times that we were guests or that I was on his show, I just felt like, I don't know, is it? | ||
| Yeah, I think it's fair to say I felt like maybe a little bit Talked down to in a way. | ||
| I felt like sorta, like the impression that I got was that whoever booked us on the show wasn't him and that he was sort of like under protest. | ||
| Maybe I'm just a sincere guy. | ||
| Well, he was sort of under protest for almost everything that was on the show. | ||
| I mean, it was really a mess. | ||
| Look, Jay Leno started out as one of the top stand-up comics in the world. | ||
| He was a fucking killer. | ||
| He was a young guy who would go on Letterman and he was edgy. | ||
| And this is like, you know, 1970s or early 1980s, whatever. | ||
| And then he got to Tonight Show. | ||
| And when he got to Tonight Show, he became a Tonight Show host. | ||
| And he never put out, still to this day, he doesn't put out any stand-up. | ||
| You can't see it anywhere. | ||
| Other than the Tonight Show monologues. | ||
| Yeah, but he does it every week. | ||
| He does it every week, but he does the same act. | ||
| Ah, shit. | ||
| Yeah, he doesn't change his shit. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| It's real weird. | ||
| He's a weird guy. | ||
| But what his real... | ||
| I mean, he's still a great comic, but his real passion is cars. | ||
| Like, if you're a car guy, and you go over to his place, you get to see the real Jay Leno. | ||
| You're like, oh, you should have been doing... | ||
| Like, I did his show... | ||
| Jay Leno's garage. | ||
| I was like, you should have been doing this the whole time. | ||
| Why did you even fuck with The Tonight Show? | ||
| You're a fucking monster when it comes to cars. | ||
| He's fun. | ||
| He's loose. | ||
| He knows everything about cars. | ||
| You get to see the real him. | ||
| He lights up. | ||
| I remember we were promoting Jackass 3D on The Tonight Show. | ||
| Went over there and we did the t-ball thing, right? | ||
| Like where it's like a t-ball, but it's got an arm and you hit it and then it swings and it hits me in the nuts. | ||
| And we did it. | ||
| I think it was like during rehearsal or something. | ||
| We did it like during rehearsal. | ||
| Fully hit me in the nuts during rehearsal. | ||
| And I wanted to demonstrate that I wasn't wearing a cup. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And I had these tighty-whities on. | ||
| And I fucking pulled down my tighty-whities to show it was just my dick. | ||
|
unidentified
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Right. | |
| Which I didn't really need to do. | ||
| You showed Jay Leno your dick? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's part of the problem. | ||
| He's so old school. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And that's part of the problem. | ||
| I see it clearly now. | ||
| And he said, he goes, it looks like a dick, just a lot smaller. | ||
| Right, but that was just part of, I don't know, that was just part of where I got that vibe from him. | ||
| But the last thing... | ||
| I know what you mean. | ||
| I know what you mean. | ||
| And then there was all that dispute with him and Howard Stern. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| Because, like, what was it going on? | ||
| Like, writers were taking bits from Stern and doing it on... | ||
| Right. | ||
| I can't even remember. | ||
| Does Howard so... | ||
| Yeah, Howard always hated him. | ||
| But Howard hated Johnny Carson, too. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know what, man? | ||
| That's one of those things where a lot of those guys, you know, especially like if you have a platform like Howard and you feel dissed by some guy who's got another platform, like, well, fuck this guy, time to go to war. | ||
| Because Howard's whole thing was about conflict. | ||
| Conflict, his ratings, he was the king of ratings. | ||
| Right. | ||
| With Jay Leno and Howard, it was personal. | ||
| With Howard and Carson, I think he was just, Howard had the impression that Carson was a bad dude. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I think he had a personal thing with him, too. | ||
| Maybe I'm just making that up. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| But I'm telling you, man, I knew Jay from The Tonight Show. | ||
| I knew Jay from when I was on NBC. I've seen him on here with you, too. | ||
| Dude, he was great on here. | ||
| The stories about doing stand-up for the mob shows, and seeing some psychopath mob guy yell at a priest. | ||
| They were great fucking stories. | ||
| Well, hey, dude. | ||
| I fucking recant anything negative I said about Jayla. | ||
| Plus, I should say I'm fucking grateful to Jay Leno because he had me on the show. | ||
|
unidentified
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I was never on Letterman. | |
| Because that was the thing with those dudes. | ||
| If you did one, you couldn't do the other. | ||
| Unless you're someone who's a humongous star. | ||
| Yeah, those shows suck. | ||
| They really do. | ||
| No disrespect to them, but those five-minute things where you sit on the couch and you cut to the next thing, it's just a shitty way to get to know somebody. | ||
| And it's gone downhill from there because all anybody gives a fuck about is what's gonna take off on the internet the next day. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| And so they're not even focused on anything except some fucking gimmick that's gonna... | ||
| Some highlight reel clip. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yeah, did you see the Colbert thing where he went off on Trump? | ||
| I couldn't fucking believe it. | ||
| I was watching and I was like, and I tweeted about this, that I don't think kids today have any idea how strange it is to watch a talk show host call the president's mouth a cock holster. | ||
|
unidentified
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Okay. | |
| It's just like, what? | ||
| He's talking about the president. | ||
| I mean, I know it's Donald Trump, but it's still the president. | ||
| It's so weird. | ||
| There's a lot of weird stuff going on. | ||
| And then did you see Colbert responding to Trump's response? | ||
| That made me uncomfortable. | ||
| Why? | ||
| I'm sure people don't want to even hear about this. | ||
| No, please do. | ||
| It made me uncomfortable where he's like, hmm, I won. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I mean, again, it's just playing into, you know, what can I... I don't know. | ||
| Well, they're playing on... | ||
| What he said was he got Trump to respond. | ||
| He was trying to get the president to say his name for so long, and he finally did, and it was... | ||
|
unidentified
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Right. | |
| Well, what he said was that I thought, of all the things that I thought you were dumb about, the one thing that I thought you knew about was show business. | ||
| I thought you understood show business. | ||
|
unidentified
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Right. | |
| So, like, I was trying to get you to respond, and you did, so I win. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Which is just... | ||
| Okay, so now the president, and this is even weird, weirder, because now the president is responding to a guy who's essentially saying that he's a fucking troll. | ||
| I mean, Stephen Colbert, multi-millionaire, talk show host on a major network, took over the Letterman spot, is now admitting that he's essentially like a guy on Twitter that has... | ||
| A fucking egg icon. | ||
| I think that that might have been what made me feel uncomfortable. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, it's just low level. | ||
| Super low level. | ||
| The whole thing was low level. | ||
| And it wasn't... | ||
| All the stuff that Trump was saying about how they were going to take him off and they were going to... | ||
| The guy Corden who came after, they were going to put James Corden into Colbert's time slot. | ||
| I mean, all the reports I saw were that they were trying to get Colbert the fuck out and then all of a sudden he started slamming Trump and now he's like number one out of everybody in late night. | ||
| Well, that's how it goes in that stupid fucking business. | ||
| They just have to get people to pay attention to them, and sometimes that's the way to do it. | ||
| I mean, maybe Colbert just got desperado, but the whole thing is so fucking strange. | ||
| Like, Colbert's strange, man. | ||
| He's like a hardcore Catholic. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Hardcore, which is even weirder that he's calling the president's mouth a cock holster if he's a hardcore Catholic. | ||
| It's like, where do your standards lie? | ||
| Like, where do you draw that line? | ||
| Because that's not very Catholic of you. | ||
| It's like the guy from Megadeth, the lead singer of Megadeth, became like a super hardcore Christian. | ||
|
unidentified
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Really? | |
| And now won't sing some of his songs. | ||
| Get the fuck out of here! | ||
| No! | ||
| No way! | ||
| I swear! | ||
| And he won't perform with some certain death metal bands. | ||
| Oh my god! | ||
| Come on! | ||
| Yeah! | ||
| Oh god! | ||
| It's fantastic! | ||
| Man, there's something happens. | ||
| I don't know if you notice this, but something happens that I've been noticing as, you know, I'm almost 50. I'll be 50 in August. | ||
| Dude, bless your heart. | ||
| Bless your heart. | ||
| I'll be 43 next month. | ||
| Dude, it just creeps up on you. | ||
| Dude, time moves faster as it goes by. | ||
| Well, you know what it is? | ||
| It's like your reference to time is different because when you're six, a year is a sixth of your life. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| When you're 49, it's like another year. | ||
| It's like... | ||
| Also, you're busy as fuck, so the days keep moving quick. | ||
| A reference of time. | ||
| I think it also fucking goes by faster. | ||
| It seems like it goes by faster. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You have more of them to think about. | ||
| I had a bit that I was working on for the long time. | ||
| I don't know if I'm gonna resurrect it, but the premise is that God must hate us. | ||
| That's the premise? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Why? | ||
| If he hates you, you'd be dead. | ||
| Well, no. | ||
| No. | ||
| You'd be suffering. | ||
| Think about it. | ||
| You live in like a Steve-O. How could God hate you? | ||
| He loves you. | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| Well, I mean, it's just fucking comedy, right? | ||
| It's gotta make sense, though, right? | ||
| Sure. | ||
| And I back it up, dude. | ||
| I back it up. | ||
|
unidentified
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How about you do? | |
| Okay, now... | ||
| We're the only living organism, right, that can, like, watch and have an opinion of itself wilting. | ||
| You know, right? | ||
| That's a good point. | ||
| It's a fucking really good point. | ||
| You know, a fucking banana's not looking in the mirror saying, oh, fuck, I'm bruising. | ||
| You know, this sucks. | ||
| Like, I don't look as good as I did fucking, you know, I'm going rotten. | ||
| Well, what's really weird is when you watch, do you watch videos of yourself from, like, a long time ago and you see how different you look? | ||
| Yes, but I think of a lot of people, I look pretty fucking... | ||
| I look less different. | ||
| Well, thank you. | ||
| I look less different than other people. | ||
| Now, I get super sensitive about, like, you know, if I post a picture online, it's like, motherfucker's old, you know, like, you know, I like that shit effect. | ||
| Does it? | ||
| It effects. | ||
| Like, I wish it didn't, but it does. | ||
| I'm just fucking sensitive guys. | ||
| Motherfucker's old. | ||
| But now I got to... | ||
| Now I got a project that I'm working on where I'm digging up old-ass footage. | ||
| And I'm looking at it and I'm thinking, I don't look that much fucking different. | ||
| Fuck all these people, you know? | ||
| Maybe you're delusional. | ||
| I mean, I look younger for sure, but I don't know. | ||
| Well, you've kept your body in reasonable shape. | ||
| You're in good shape. | ||
| You're healthy. | ||
| The real issue is when people balloon. | ||
| I looked at Kathleen Turner. | ||
| Do you remember Kathleen Turner? | ||
| She went to my high school in London, England. | ||
| Dude, she was so hot when she was young, and now she's got that alcoholic face, where people don't just get older, but everything sort of balloons, and your cheeks balloon, and your chin balloons. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| It's all swelling. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| I went to high school all four years in London, England. | ||
| At the American School in London, England. | ||
| And there's only... | ||
| It's called the American School? | ||
| It's called the American School in London, England. | ||
| That's why I don't have an accent. | ||
| Because everyone was just American at the school. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| So it was actually everyone at the school was American? | ||
| Right. | ||
| In England, they have different fucking kind of high school. | ||
| It's not grades. | ||
| It's like forms. | ||
| You graduate when you're 16. It's all different curriculum. | ||
| But this is in England, in London. | ||
| And you take SATs. | ||
| You have... | ||
| So it's just like American? | ||
| It's an American school in London, yeah. | ||
| Your folks were living in England? | ||
| Folks, correct. | ||
| Yeah, I grew up in five different countries. | ||
| Did you really? | ||
| Yeah, I was born in England. | ||
| And when I was six months old, I moved to Brazil. | ||
| My family moved to Brazil. | ||
| No one would ever fucking guess this, but my dad was like a baller-ass corporate executive. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| And when I was six months old, my family moved to Brazil because my dad became the president of Pepsi-Cola in all of Brazil. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| Yeah, so they were fucking going, you know, they had shit going on. | ||
| Right. | ||
| They had live-in maids, and... | ||
| I was raised by fucking like these Brazilian servants that lived in the house. | ||
| So I spoke my first words in Portuguese. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow! | |
| Because my parents didn't... | ||
| My parents just didn't fucking pay attention to me at all. | ||
| So that's what made you crazy. | ||
| Perhaps, yeah. | ||
| How do they deal with you now? | ||
| Well, my mom died in 2003, and my dad and I are fucking tight as fuck. | ||
| Everything that... | ||
| Oh, that's cool. | ||
| Yeah, everything that drove us apart brought us together. | ||
| But yeah, I spoke my first words in Portuguese in Brazil. | ||
| When I was two years old, I moved to Venezuela, and I spoke fluent Spanish in nursery school in Caracas, Venezuela. | ||
| Holy shit! | ||
| When I was four years old, I moved to Connecticut. | ||
| So by the time I was three... | ||
| I spoke three languages fluently. | ||
| By the time I was five, I forgot two of them completely. | ||
| And then when I was six years old, we moved to Miami. | ||
| When I was nine years old, moved to London, England. | ||
| When I was 12 years old, moved to Canada, lived in Toronto. | ||
| And then at 13 years old, back to England, and I stayed there all through high school. | ||
| Wow, so this is all your dad just being an executive for different companies? | ||
| Yeah, the move from Brazil to Venezuela, dad got promoted to... | ||
| Fuck, president of Pepsi-Cola in like South America, I think. | ||
| Maybe all of South America, I'm not sure. | ||
| Then, when we moved to... | ||
| To Connecticut, I want to say that's when dad became a fucking big tobacco CEO. Whoa. | ||
| Which is hilarious. | ||
| Did he smoke? | ||
| He never fucking took a puff on a cigarette in his life. | ||
| Ever. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Just doing it as an executive. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Dude, dad sold soda, Pepsi, fucking sugar water, and then cigarettes. | ||
| And then when we were living in Miami, this was the 1980s, and all of a sudden it came to light that cigarettes were bad for you. | ||
| Right? | ||
| And all the tobacco companies started buying up food companies, you know, because they're thinking, fuck, we've got to get out of this. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And so, Dad worked for RJR, which is a tobacco company, and RJR, RJ Reynolds, what it was, RJ Reynolds. | ||
| And they bought Nabisco, and the companies merged. | ||
| It became RJR Nabisco. | ||
| And that dad had an aberrationally good year that year. | ||
| Dad ended up becoming like the president of Nabisco and shit. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I forget if it was... | ||
| I don't really know what it's called. | ||
| So they didn't figure out until the 1980s that cigarettes were bad for you? | ||
| They only really... | ||
| It only became a legal issue in the 80s. | ||
| Like lawsuits and shit? | ||
| Right. | ||
| They only really got fucking scared of lawsuits in the 80s. | ||
| You know what's crazy? | ||
| I just read something about tobacco companies, that they're making more money now than ever. | ||
| That less people smoke, but they charge more for cigarettes now than they ever have before, so they're making more money. | ||
| Oh my god, in Australia, it's twenty fucking dollars a pack. | ||
| What? | ||
| Twenty fucking dollars a pack. | ||
| Twenty dollars American or twenty dollars Australian? | ||
| Well, twenty dollars Australian. | ||
| What's the exchange rate? | ||
| Full parody to the Canadian dollar. | ||
| Okay, so pretty close to our dollar. | ||
| One Australian dollar is 75 cents. | ||
| For American. | ||
| Dude, it's so fucking funny. | ||
| I was over there. | ||
| I've done a couple of Australia tours. | ||
| A few Australia tours. | ||
| And I went in there. | ||
| They got the fucking cigarettes locked up. | ||
| Like, you can't even see them. | ||
| They're in a fucking, like a gun cabinet. | ||
| You know? | ||
| You gotta ask them to unlock the gun cabinet, which you can't even see into. | ||
| It's illegal for them to even have a fucking logo. | ||
| There's no logo, there's no nothing. | ||
| Like Marlboro, they can't use the logo? | ||
| The brand name of Marlboro, every fucking cigarette, the name of the company has to be in the same fucking font. | ||
| They can't even have the Marlboro logo or font. | ||
| It's all a uniform font that says the company, and the entire fucking pack is just the most... | ||
| The whole fucking packaging is nothing but one gigantic photo of a dead baby. | ||
| The most hilarious fucking... | ||
| Like shit, and I'm telling you, and it's $20 per pack, and everybody's fucking smoking. | ||
| I think that's the craziest thing about it, is that they charge more than ever, and oh yeah, that dude, there you go. | ||
| Whoa, go full screen with that. | ||
| Jesus Christ, smoking causes blindness. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Woof! | |
| We're going blind. | ||
| Smoking causes throat and mouth cancer. | ||
| Brand. | ||
| You see? | ||
| Brand. | ||
| And in the same fucking font. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Oh my god. | ||
| It's so fucking hilarious, dude. | ||
| I laughed so hard. | ||
| And it doesn't work. | ||
| Dude. | ||
| And it doesn't keep people from buying it. | ||
| That's what's hilarious. | ||
| It doesn't work. | ||
| Dude, I mean, imagine that. | ||
| Imagine picking up a new packet right there. | ||
| That is so fucking bizarre. | ||
| They got dead babies. | ||
| Smoking causes emphysema. | ||
| Grab me a pack of those. | ||
| Dude, every single one of them is so fucking hilarious. | ||
| Yeah, I've never seen that. | ||
| I've seen in England they have a big picture of people that have lung cancer and shit on the cover. | ||
| And it says smoking will kill you, but they don't have this shit. | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| It causes peripheral vascular disease and makes your feet rot? | ||
| Gangrene? | ||
| The most tame picture I saw on a pack of cigarettes was a picture of a toilet with blood in the water. | ||
| And I forget what the point was on that one, but cigarettes make your asshole bleed. | ||
| Isn't it crazy that that doesn't even work? | ||
| Like, you're selling someone something that you're showing them all the terrible shit that it could do, and everybody's like, yeah, worth it. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Worth it for a puff. | ||
| I know. | ||
| I used to be convinced. | ||
| I remember Dr. Drew. | ||
| Dr. Drew used to pester me to try to get me on that celebrity rehab show before I was sober. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And he had another project, which was trying to... | ||
| It was focusing on getting people to quit smoking cigarettes. | ||
| Were you smoking at the time? | ||
| I smoked for fucking 17 years. | ||
| I started smoking when I was 16 and stopped when I was 33. Whoa. | ||
| Yeah, 17 years I fucking smoked, man. | ||
| Do you feel any ill effects of it now at 43? | ||
| Almost 43 and... | ||
| How's your cardio? | ||
| I think it's pretty good. | ||
| What fucked up my cardio was all that nitrous oxide, dude. | ||
| I fucked up my... | ||
| Dude, I went through those Whippet cartridges. | ||
| There's 24 per box, and there's 25 boxes per case. | ||
| So per case, there's 600 cartridges. | ||
| And it was not unusual for me to go through 600 in like... | ||
| 24 hours. | ||
| 24 to 36 hours. | ||
| What? | ||
| I took every measure to try to limit the fucking air that went into my lungs to try to make it all nitrous oxide. | ||
| The whole time I'm holding in a lung full of that shit and I'm just with my fucking canister from Starbucks and shit. | ||
| I was like a fucking wizard at loading up six into it while holding the last fucking ones. | ||
| And that was when all the crazy shit would go down, because I would be awake on cocaine for three days and inhaling nothing but nitrous oxide. | ||
| And at that point is when shit starts popping off and people are walking around my apartment who are never physically there. | ||
| So you're just seeing a bunch of shit. | ||
| Oh dude, like actual fucking people, man. | ||
| I watched a dude walk through my apartment and fucking pick up my bong and take a hit and blow out smoke and fucking then like put it down and the dude walked through the wall. | ||
| He was never fucking there. | ||
| Ever. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| But he looked as real as I do, or Jamie does. | ||
| Yeah, dude. | ||
| I had fucking, like, tactile hallucinations. | ||
| I had fucking... | ||
| You could feel things. | ||
| Big time, dude. | ||
| Like, what kind of things? | ||
| Because here's my whole thing, and I kind of still believe this to this day, is, you know, that our little three-dimensional experience is a very small part of what's going on in the universe, right? | ||
| Right. | ||
| There's dimensions, there's, you know, all frequencies, everything. | ||
| And that if you do enough drugs, the barriers between these different compartments of the universe become eroded somehow. | ||
| I started hearing voices. | ||
| And to an extent, I fucking believe, still, that that shit was real. | ||
| These spirits that were fucking talking to me, I'm hearing the voices. | ||
| I had a conversation with a friend of mine who sells weed about a very similar thing, where I was saying that I think that something happens when you smoke pot. | ||
| It's not just that you get high, but that the way you interface with the world changes, and then the world changes because of that. | ||
| Not the world changes like the world changes for you or for him, but the world that I'm experiencing is different. | ||
| Yeah, like in the quantum physics kind of sense. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I'm too stupid for that. | ||
| Right, me too. | ||
| But what I'm saying is that my feeling about the world is that when you change the way your brain works, which is essentially what you do when you get really high, and you change the way you think about the world, I think the world that you experience is different. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| It's like, you know, like people think, like this is a very simplistic way of looking at it, but it's sort of parallel. | ||
| You know how some people think, oh, the world sucks, everything sucks, and their life always sucks. | ||
| And then there's people that are always super positive and super happy, and their life is always happy. | ||
| There's something about when you get really high, especially marijuana, because marijuana is a sensitivity drug. | ||
| It's almost like the opposite of a lot of drugs, because a lot of drugs make you insensitive. | ||
| Like alcohol makes you blunt, right? | ||
| You're not aware of people looking at you. | ||
| You don't give a fuck. | ||
| You're like, what? | ||
| You get drunk, you're loud, and you're crazy, and your social cues get skewed. | ||
| You don't see. | ||
| Marijuana is the opposite. | ||
| Marijuana, you get really aware of other people. | ||
| People will call it paranoid because you start thinking about all these possibilities. | ||
| That you never thought of before. | ||
| But I feel like the way you interface with the world becomes very different. | ||
| You're aware of all these different possibilities. | ||
| You start thinking about things that you fucked up when you were in high school. | ||
| Oh, dude, mushrooms are the worst for that. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Oh, sure. | ||
| God, I made a mistake. | ||
| Make you accountable. | ||
| I get so introspective. | ||
| I mean, it's been forever since. | ||
| But is it too introspective? | ||
| I got too introspective. | ||
| How too? | ||
| Just start picking myself apart and putting myself on trial in a sense. | ||
| Just too introspective where I'm just determined that I just suck. | ||
| Maybe that's just a perspective. | ||
| Like, I think the introspective aspect of it, one of the reasons why it comes up, it feels like to me, is because there's a bunch of shit about yourself that you don't like, but you don't address. | ||
| And so then it forces you, hey, in order to truly live in the moment, you have to be balanced. | ||
| You have to be like, I've looked at it all, and I understand I've made mistakes, and here's where I'm at. | ||
| But if you've never looked at yourself, if you've never looked at those mistakes, then you have like this backlog of shit you have to deal with. | ||
| Right, and I agree with that 100%. | ||
| I agree with that, except when it becomes just a morbid fucking flogging of oneself. | ||
| Right, oh yeah, for sure. | ||
| Which is what it would come to. | ||
| But I feel like that morbid flogging of yourself comes from you, like the debt analogy is a good analogy, because if you're in like massive debt and you go to spend money, you're like, I don't even have any money, how am I spending this money? | ||
| Whereas if you're even and you go to spend the money, you're like, no big deal. | ||
| I'm just spending some money. | ||
| It's normal, right? | ||
| I think that when you don't have an accounting of who you are and what you've done, and especially I think the big one is your effect on other people. | ||
| You know, that's the one that comes up with me on mushrooms or on pot, especially on edibles. | ||
| It's like how I've interacted with other people. | ||
| And even if I thought it was justified, and maybe I was justified, when it comes up on pot, especially on edibles. | ||
| For me, at least, that's where I feel like the most accountable. | ||
| And I have to think about my behavior the most. | ||
| I always feel like, with the edible thing, it always feels like, could I have done better? | ||
| Instead of just being like, was I okay? | ||
| Like, yeah, that guy was being a dick to you. | ||
| Yeah, fuck him. | ||
| It's never that. | ||
| It's always like... | ||
| Maybe I could have caught on earlier to how he was feeling and reassessed how I was communicating with him, and instead of being defensive or aggressive, maybe I could have handled it better. | ||
| Well, hey man, sounds like you're working a great spiritual program with your edibles. | ||
| I try to do it all the time, but when I'm with edibles, like I've said this before and people go, oh no, but I think pot makes you a better person. | ||
| I really do. | ||
| Because I think all that responsibility and accountability... | ||
| I wish I could smoke pot, but my pot bone is connected to my booze bone, and my booze bone is connected to my... | ||
| You don't have to. | ||
| Honestly, no one has to do anything. | ||
| I get as much high and as much mental clarity from yoga as I do from anything. | ||
| I really do. | ||
| I mean, if someone told me I couldn't smoke pot for the rest of my life... | ||
| But I could do yoga. | ||
| Or I could just smoke pot for the rest of my life and not do yoga. | ||
| I think I would take the yoga. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| I really do. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Alright. | |
| Because yoga gives me... | ||
| I mean, I love the feeling of pot. | ||
| I really do. | ||
| But yoga gives me a relaxation when it's over. | ||
| Like, there's a clarity that comes from things that is like... | ||
| It's friend... | ||
| Like, after, like, post-yoga class, those are like the... | ||
| That is the friendliest, nicest group of fucking people. | ||
| You want to meet some nice folks? | ||
| Stand outside of a yoga class when the yoga class is exiting. | ||
| You'll meet the most balanced, nice people because they drained all the bullshit out of themselves. | ||
| Hey, can we hit pause so I can take a leak? | ||
| Already? | ||
| No, I told you. | ||
| You're an animal. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Go. | |
| We're not pausing, though. | ||
| He's such a good guy. | ||
| He really is. | ||
| He's such a good guy, and he's always worried that he's not a good guy, and he's always coming down on himself. | ||
| We'll talk about this a little bit. | ||
| Al Madrigal, I'll set this up so he doesn't have to, so he doesn't have to be uncomfortable. | ||
| Al Madrigal when he was here was talking about he gets mad at guys like Steve-O because Steve-O is a guy who kind of came to stand up after he did other things. | ||
| And Al's like, I don't want the thing that is like what I feel is like my chosen thing in life, the most amazing thing in life to me, to be something that someone comes to as a last resort. | ||
| But Al even thinks it's stupid that he thinks like that. | ||
| So when he said it, Steve-O was kind of bummed out, so Steve-O texted me about it, and Steve-O and I talked. | ||
| We were supposed to do a podcast anyway, so there was this question of whether or not we should talk about it when it came to the actual show itself. | ||
| But my feeling on all that stuff is that whoever does stand-up does stand-up. | ||
| It's bullshit. | ||
| I was just explaining that you're a great guy in the whole Al Magical thing without you having to be in the room and feel uncomfortable. | ||
| Ah, whatever. | ||
| But... | ||
| But I think that anybody, like that judgment thing of like, this is not a stand-up, you're not a stand-up, he's not a stand-up. | ||
| That's so insecure. | ||
| It's so crazy. | ||
| Especially when your premise is that you care so much about stand-up. | ||
| I love what you said to me at the comedy store the other night. | ||
| You said, well, I just love stand-up, so I want there to be more of it. | ||
| Yeah, I want more people doing stand-up. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| I love watching it. | ||
| I love funny shit. | ||
| Yeah, if you're doing stand-up and people are laughing, that's stand-up. | ||
| I don't care if you're a fucking surgeon. | ||
| If you're a brain surgeon and you decide to do stand-up at night, are you not a stand-up? | ||
| Once you do stand-up comedy, to me, you go on stage, you tell some jokes, people laugh, you're a fucking comic. | ||
| I don't care if it's an open mic night, you're a comic. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| You might not be a professional stand-up comedian. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But if someone says, oh, I'm a comic too. | ||
| Like, okay. | ||
| It doesn't mean you're good. | ||
| Like, you know, you could be a guy who works on cars, but you just fuck up constantly. | ||
| It doesn't make you a professional mechanic. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Right. | ||
| It's like, but once you, you're doing it. | ||
| We're all doing the same thing. | ||
| Yeah, you could suck one dick. | ||
| Yeah, you're a cocksucker. | ||
| You're a cocksucker. | ||
| You might not be good at it. | ||
| Let me tell you about the way that guy sucks dick. | ||
| He's terrible at it. | ||
| I got my dick sucked by a guy one time. | ||
| I was totally underwhelmed. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Why did that happen? | ||
| Was it on purpose? | ||
| Well, it started out like... | ||
| A joke? | ||
| No, it wasn't a joke. | ||
| A bet? | ||
| This happened in... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Tuesday? | |
| December of 2002, and I was doing a show at the 930 Club in D.C. After the show, there was... | ||
| It's a great place. | ||
| Fucking wasted. | ||
| I was just really wasted, and I had this shady manager, and he was really wasted too, and he was talking to this person who appeared to be a hot chick, right? | ||
| Appeared to be a hot chick, and I was like, hmm, this is... | ||
| And so I kind of started talking to this person who appeared to be a hot chick and wooed the person away from the shady manager. | ||
| And I was feeling really good about it, you know? | ||
| Turns out, in hindsight, that had we not been so intoxicated, it was rather evident. | ||
| But we were really intoxicated, so we were walking away from the 930 Club. | ||
| If that was it, it was Safari or 930, one of the two. | ||
| I don't think they have Safari anymore. | ||
| But walking down the street, going to the next place, Someone pulls me aside, you know, a friend pulls me aside and says, hey, just want you to know that person you're talking to, was it like not a girl, but it wasn't, like, they didn't see it, say, that person is a hermaphrodite, was what it was described as a hermaphrodite, meaning, you know, like both women and... | ||
| And they described that the person had had a surgical operation to remove the male parts. | ||
| So I was kind of a chick. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Right? | ||
| And I was just like, oh, whatever, I don't care, you know. | ||
| You know, I was just like, oh, whatever, you know, wound up. | ||
| I wrote about this in my book. | ||
| Like, I really had this sense, you know, I came back to the hotel and... | ||
| And the sense that I got, and this is a pretty fucking outrageous take on it, was that here was this person who was kind of, I don't know, damage is a mean word, but this person wanted to be loved, wanted to be accepted. | ||
| There was some kind of thing, and I wanted this person to feel loved. | ||
| And that was kind of where the, I think that was part of what was going on. | ||
| I was like, hey, I'm going to play ball with this person, and we're going to snuggle all night. | ||
| Okay, right. | ||
| And so, in the course of the evening, there was oral sex. | ||
| And a while later, this is where it gets really crazy, I was doing that show, Dr. Drew's Loveline show, and talked to Dr. Drew. | ||
| Dr. Drew says, you know, I'm paraphrasing, he says, Steve-o, there's no such thing as a hermaphrodite. | ||
| What happened was a dude sucked your dick. | ||
| Wait a minute. | ||
| There's no such thing as a hermaphrodite? | ||
| That's what Dr. Drew told me! | ||
| I don't think that's true. | ||
| And I'm not a doctor, so I probably shouldn't say that. | ||
| But Dr. Drew's been wrong about pot, and he's not a pot smoker. | ||
| I love Dr. Drew almost more than anybody, but the first chink in his armor happened when I asked him, Dr. Drew, why is jerking off so much more pleasurable if you tickle your balls while you're doing it? | ||
| And he said, I didn't know that was the case. | ||
| What? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| How do you think Dr. Drew jerks off? | ||
| I think he jerks off with his head out the window. | ||
| I was like, Drew, I thought you knew everything. | ||
| What? | ||
| Your balls feel good. | ||
| Because it feels good to touch your balls. | ||
| The reason why it feels good for other people to touch your balls. | ||
| Like, listen, rub your own neck. | ||
| It feels good to rub your own neck. | ||
| Just like it feels good to get a massage. | ||
| Jesus Christ, of course it feels good to rub your balls. | ||
| What a dumb answer. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But since you brought up the allomagical thing... | ||
| Pull up hermaphrodite. | ||
| Find out if that's true. | ||
| I need to know. | ||
| Because I'm pretty sure that it's rare, but it does exist. | ||
| That there have been people that have been born... | ||
| He said fucking androgynous, I think is... | ||
| Is it androgynous is something? | ||
| But he says hermaphrodite does not exist. | ||
| And... | ||
| Well, I don't, that doesn't seem to, maybe he's just fucking around with you. | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| That doesn't seem to make sense though. | ||
| I don't think so, because I've talked to him about it. | ||
| Because it's a medical term. | ||
| I've talked to him about it on many occasions. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well he, I like Dr. Drew. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I love him. | |
| I don't want to shit on Dr. Drew. | ||
| He's a good guy, but he fucked up. | ||
| He fucked up when he started talking about Hillary Clinton's medical condition on the air. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| And they fired him from CNN for it. | ||
| I know. | ||
| You can't do that. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You can't do that. | ||
| If you're a doctor and you start talking about someone's medical condition without actually appraising them physically... | ||
| Well, you see that in the tabloid magazines. | ||
| This doctor commented, but then they have to clarify that this doctor, the person they're talking about wasn't ever one of their patients. | ||
| Well, he made an assessment about her health. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| And that's dangerous because you're doing it on television. | ||
| You're talking about someone who's running for president. | ||
| Look, he's right in some ways. | ||
| She blacked out, hit her head, had brain trauma that Bill Clinton talked about publicly. | ||
| Bill Clinton talked about how she was in recovery for six months from brain trauma, from having a seizure, falling down, and smashing her head off the ground. | ||
| When you're 67 years old, or however old she was when that happened, that's really dangerous. | ||
| I know a lot about head trauma. | ||
| I've researched a lot about head trauma. | ||
| I've experienced a bunch of myself, as I'm sure you have. | ||
| I know you did from Tim Kennedy. | ||
| You're fucking special. | ||
| I talked to you about it afterwards. | ||
| I'm like, dude, you can't let somebody do that to you. | ||
| I know. | ||
| I asked him to drop me on my head. | ||
| He lifted me up by my neck, choking me out with my feet off the ground. | ||
| That's so dope. | ||
| And they dropped me from up there. | ||
| That's so bad for you. | ||
| And my head bounced like a basketball. | ||
| You could have died, for sure. | ||
| People die from that all the time. | ||
| The back of the head's more soft, too. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| It's super dangerous. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like anytime you fall and you hit your head, this is how you have to think about it. | ||
| I'm not gonna do that again. | ||
| Please don't. | ||
| Don't think of it as hitting your head. | ||
| Think of it as you getting hit by the world. | ||
| That's what it's like. | ||
| The whole world is like slamming into your fucking head. | ||
| And I was talking to Tony Hawk about the CTE stuff. | ||
| Oh, it's so bad. | ||
| And he said that, uh... | ||
| That if you have a gene that predisposes you to Alzheimer's, then your brain doesn't regenerate or heal, you know? | ||
| And so you're more fucked, you're more at risk for CTE if that's the case, if you have that gene. | ||
| If you don't have the gene, then you're better off. | ||
| And he said, so I went and got it. | ||
| I went and got this test, and it determined that I don't have the gene. | ||
| So I was like, okay, cool. | ||
| And I thought about it for a while, and then I had to text him like, hey, so what were you going to do if it turned out that you did have the gene? | ||
| And he's like, oh, I didn't have a plan. | ||
| So then I ask myself, do I want to go get that test? | ||
| Because what happens if it turns out that you do have the gene and there's nothing to do about it? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You're super bummed. | ||
| I don't want to be bummed. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, there's ways I guess you could probably mitigate the onset of Alzheimer's now. | ||
| I would have to look at what they're doing now and what you can figure out and they're working hard at it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Honest! | ||
| Fucking on that shit. | ||
| Yeah, but this, I mean, really, you need medical science to figure out, like, they have to figure out, I mean, there has to be, like, some pretty legitimate studies, and those studies take a long time, because you have to follow people with Alzheimer's, you gotta try one way with one group, and another way with another group, and see, like, what the, you know, which group has more progress, but the bottom line is, Anytime you're getting hit in the head, it's fucking bad. | ||
| Tennis players get concussions. | ||
| People get concussions from playing soccer. | ||
| You know who gets brain trauma? | ||
| This gets really crazy. | ||
| People ride jet skis. | ||
| The bouncing of jet skis. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| It shakes your fucking brain inside your head. | ||
| And I'm only thinking of times when I got hit in the head hard enough that I actually lost time, you know, where like a time traveled because I blacked out. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Like, I got in the ring with the fucking Monday Night Raw, the wrestling. | ||
| This was so fucking terrible. | ||
| It was so bad because here's the thing. | ||
| I was never a fucking wrestling fan. | ||
| I never got into it. | ||
| I just didn't understand it. | ||
| And so when we got in the fucking ring to promote it, we kind of walked through what the moves were going to be. | ||
| You know, with this wrestler who's since passed away. | ||
| His name is Umaga. | ||
| This fucking jet guy. | ||
| They called him the Samoan Bulldozer. | ||
| And, uh, so we walked kind of through what it was, and, like, I'm gonna do a backflip off the top rope, and he was gonna do this, and we're gonna knock me over, you know? | ||
| And it was pretty incredible how they just very loosely, like, walked through it. | ||
| Choreographed it, right. | ||
| Very loosely choreographed. | ||
| But we know what the moves are, and we know what's supposed to be the final move. | ||
| What I did not know And this proved to be really bad, is that I did not know that the match is not fucking over until you actually play dead. | ||
| You have to be completely still. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, no. | |
| So at the end, when he was supposed to... | ||
| There was some fucking pretty major hit, like, to my head or to my chest, whatever it was, I can't remember, but the final hit, like, when we were doing it live, he was hitting so much fucking harder. | ||
| Oh, yeah, I know what it was. | ||
| He jumped off the top rope and fucking... | ||
| Landed on you? | ||
| Landed on me, yeah. | ||
| Oh, jeez, here it is. | ||
| Yeah, he jumped off the top rope and landed on me. | ||
| Look at the size of that fucking... | ||
| Oh, no, he didn't. | ||
| Yeah, he did. | ||
| Oh, my God, dude. | ||
| So, now, here's the thing. | ||
| It's supposed to be over, but if you notice... | ||
| I'm fucking not playing dead. | ||
| I'm rolling around like, see? | ||
| I'm moving around. | ||
| So you didn't know? | ||
| And so here he notices. | ||
| It's supposed to be over at this point, but he's offended because he's like, I'm not... | ||
| Now, this is never supposed to happen. | ||
| Look at this elbow. | ||
| Boom! | ||
| Oh my god, he really hit you. | ||
| That knocked me out. | ||
| And I don't remember anything after that. | ||
| I don't remember leaving the ring. | ||
| Yeah, I'm begging him, I'm praying to him, but the thing is that I'm still moving. | ||
| Oh my god, and he's still throwing you out. | ||
| In his world, it's not over until you play dead, but I didn't know that. | ||
| See, they didn't even show the end of the match. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| They just cut away from it because it got so ugly, and I don't remember leaving the ring. | ||
| Oh no. | ||
| And then on top of that, I went home and fucking destroyed my brain some more with the goddamn nitrous. | ||
| To where I'm blacking out. | ||
| Did you talk to him afterwards? | ||
| Hey man, why'd you fucking crack me in the head? | ||
| He was cool with me. | ||
| I went back and worked my way in with my video camera trying to get him to fucking choke me unconscious like Tim Kennedy did. | ||
| I wanted to film that for a thing and he was totally down but then they got hip to what I was doing and all the WWE brass kind of got me kicked out. | ||
| He was cool with me. | ||
| But yeah, that's offensive to a wrestler to get in and play in their world and not like... | ||
| Not just get in. | ||
| Because when I get hit really hard, like to me, like I react, I laugh, you know, like whatever, like it's a thing. | ||
| And you know, like I'm reacting to it. | ||
| Right, but you gotta... | ||
| That was offensive to him. | ||
| Yeah, it has to be final. | ||
| It has to be over. | ||
| Dude, that elbow to the head was the fucking... | ||
| I can imagine. | ||
| It's a giant dude. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What happened to him? | ||
| How'd he pass away? | ||
| I think he had a heart attack. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah, that guy was great. | ||
| A lot of those wrestlers, they get hooked on pills because they're in pain all the time. | ||
| It's a big problem with pro wrestling. | ||
| Pro wrestling is one of the most unappreciated or underappreciated things in terms of how difficult it is for the performers. | ||
| It's one of the most difficult jobs a person can do. | ||
| Those guys are on tour hundreds of days a year, if not 300 days a year, right? | ||
| They're constantly on the road and they're doing that all the time. | ||
| They're slamming into each other, throwing each other on the ground, pile driving each other, slamming, jumping from the top rope. | ||
| I get it, man. | ||
| Massive, massive trauma. | ||
| Those guys all suffer from some kind of trauma. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's horrible. | ||
| And that was a heavy blackout. | ||
| I can think of a few times where I just blacked out because I hit my head so hard. | ||
| And then there's other times where I hit my head and then the nausea kicks in and I start barfing. | ||
| That happened when I was 10 years old. | ||
| Yeah, well, you probably got a lot of brain damage, bro. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And what's fucked up about it is that it doesn't affect me now, but that's just creeping up on me for later. | ||
| Well, it definitely affects you now. | ||
| It's just like, how much does it affect you? | ||
| It's like, you ever wake up, I'm sure you've broken up hungover, and you're like, oh god, I feel like shit. | ||
| Well, that's how you feel because of what you did to your body, but if that's how you felt every day, you would just get used to that. | ||
| That would be who you are. | ||
| And when you fuck your brain up, Well, the weird thing is you never go back to how you used to feel. | ||
| It's not like you can hit a switch and you go, how was I when I was 18 and I'd never been hit in the head? | ||
| Let me hit the switch. | ||
| Click. | ||
| Oh, so much clarity. | ||
| That's not available. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| So you just deal with how you are. | ||
| Like, you ever wake up in the morning and you just feel kind of stupid? | ||
| You can't forget where your keys are? | ||
| What am I supposed to do today? | ||
| You just feel dull? | ||
| Everybody's been there, right? | ||
| Just feel dull. | ||
| Maybe you feel jet-lagged. | ||
| Like, you know, jet-lagged, you're like, oh, I just can't. | ||
| If anything, I feel tired. | ||
| I'm always fucking tired. | ||
| Right now? | ||
| Just in general. | ||
| And I wonder if that's it. | ||
| There's a factor, for sure. | ||
| I got on the vegan diet, right? | ||
| And I remember a while into it, I started feeling fucking tired. | ||
| And I was like, man, it's got to be my fucking vegan diet. | ||
| I'm pissed. | ||
| And then there was a point where I said, fuck the vegan diet. | ||
| I'm going to eat fish again and eggs. | ||
| But I was still tired. | ||
| And I was still fucking tired. | ||
| Do you ever get your blood work done? | ||
| I should. | ||
| I do. | ||
| I mean, I get, like, full panel everything. | ||
| You do? | ||
| Well, I mean, as far as, like, for, like, STDs and shit. | ||
| That's not good enough. | ||
| No. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| You should go to a doctor that can check out your nutritional profile. | ||
| I do need to do that. | ||
| Yeah, they might say you're deficient on iron. | ||
| It could be like a niacin thing or a B12 thing. | ||
| I do have that. | ||
| They'll tell me that my testosterone is kind of low, my vitamin D. A lot of that also comes from brain damage. | ||
| Oh, yeah? | ||
| Testosterone being low is a big issue with football players, ex-fighters. | ||
| Your pituitary gland is very sensitive, and that's one of the things that happens to people literally just from jet skiing, like I was saying. | ||
| Skiing in general, like jumping, ski jumps and stuff like that, even without even getting hit in the head, just anything that causes your head to shake around a lot. | ||
| Like, I'm sure headbanging, like the guys from ACDC. I went to the fucking chiropractor. | ||
| I've been to the chiropractors, and, you know, I'll go to the chiropractor, and they're familiar with jackass and the shit I've done. | ||
| And they'll take my x-ray to look at my spine, and they're like, dude, I don't understand it. | ||
| You're like fucking Keith Richards. | ||
| You're in so much better shape than I expected you would be in, except for in my neck, where I've got the, what do they call it, the callus, or not callus, I don't know, some kind of fucking buildup. | ||
| Some sort of calcium deposits? | ||
| No? | ||
| They think it's from headbanging? | ||
| Yeah, some kind of... | ||
| So you have some disc degeneration, some sort of deterioration? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Anyway, whatever it is. | ||
| My neck is more fucked up than anything, and so then there's more of that. | ||
| I'm super skeptical of chiropractors, by the way. | ||
| Yeah, I'm not a big fan either. | ||
| I've just heard too many regular doctors say that's just horse shit. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It got to a point where I was like, fuck, and I was doing some job. | ||
| I was getting ready to do some job, and you go to this physician to clear you before you can work a TV or a movie job. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Go to this fucking physician to the stars, and she's shining a light down my throat, and she says, hmm, The opening at the back of your throat is very narrow. | ||
| Do you ever find that you sleep a full night's sleep, but you wake up and you're still tired? | ||
| I was like, Jesus Christ, that's exactly fucking me. | ||
| I'll sleep for... | ||
| Eight hours, nine hours, I get up fucking tired. | ||
| Sleep apnea. | ||
| Yeah, so she said, I recommend you get a sleep study. | ||
| Did you do it? | ||
| I did. | ||
| I got a sleep study. | ||
| They said I have a mild to moderate sleep apnea. | ||
| Super common. | ||
| You know, you get a mouthpiece to fix that. | ||
| I know, I got to, but I already have a... | ||
| With a fake tooth? | ||
| Yeah, the mouthpiece, fortunately for you, it fits on the bottom. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| It fits only on the bottom, and what it does is it's a tongue depressor, and it presses down your tongue, keeps your tongue from sliding back and covering your air hole. | ||
| I have a buddy of mine that fixed everything. | ||
| Dude, I have to do that. | ||
| I'll hook you up. | ||
| I know a guy that does it. | ||
| Dude, I have to do that immediately. | ||
| Yeah, there's a doctor in Encino, Dr. Coropian, who's famous for it. | ||
| Yeah, please. | ||
| Yeah, please do. | ||
| It's super common, like sleep apnea. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| It's people with big tongues. | ||
| Your tongue, as you lay back, especially if you lay on your back, it falls back and covers over your air hole. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And that's what causes a lot of gagging and loud snoring, you know, but it's a huge issue for people. | ||
| And that CPAP machine, man, I mean, some people need to have it. | ||
| I couldn't do it, man. | ||
| I tried it. | ||
| I tried it too. | ||
| I tried it for a while, and I was able to fall asleep, but then about an hour or two into it, the fucking thing just blowing me away and wakes me up, and I just couldn't fucking do it. | ||
| It's too weird. | ||
| You're sleeping with a Darth Vader mask on. | ||
| Yeah, it's too weird. | ||
| For really fat people, though, it's huge. | ||
| Yeah, the extent that you have to clean that fucking thing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Man, speaking of fat people. | ||
| Mouthpiece is easy. | ||
| Where did we go from there, though? | ||
| We started out with some sort of a brain damage thing. | ||
| We were talking about Al Madrigal, and then we got on Sucking Dudes Dicks, and then we got onto Head Drama. | ||
| But I felt like we had an important thing to say about head trauma. | ||
| What did we start off with? | ||
| It was just that it's kind of bad. | ||
| Oh, being tired. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I guarantee you that has something to do with why your testosterone is low. | ||
| Also, another thing that has to do with healthy fats. | ||
| How much healthy fat is in your diet? | ||
| Because fats and even cholesterol are literally the precursors for hormones. | ||
| One of the things that people find when they go on a heavy fat-based diet, like a ketogenic diet, is their hormones jump up. | ||
| That's how your body makes hormones. | ||
| Your body uses fats and cholesterol, actually, to make hormones. | ||
| Now when you say healthy fat, it's like avocados. | ||
| Avocados, coconut oil. | ||
| Avocados is interesting because it's a combination of saturated fat and unsaturated fat. | ||
| And most people assume that saturated fat is bad for you, but it's not. | ||
| A lot of that came out of the sugar industry that your fucking dad was probably a part of. | ||
| The sugar industry paid off, and this was from the New York Times and a bunch of really reputable newspapers reported on this really recently. | ||
| The sugar industry paid off scientists to lie about the effects of saturated fats to cover up the effects of sugar. | ||
| It's really sad because so many people to this day run around worrying about saturated fat and not worrying about sugar because they're worried about saturated fat in their diet and that's what made people switch over to shit like margarine, which is terrible for you. | ||
| They don't even recommend margarine anymore. | ||
| That's how trans fats got introduced into people's diets. | ||
| Trans fats are terrible. | ||
| Dude, they're trying to make them illegal, and they've made them illegal in America, but they still have another year or so where you're allowed to sell it, which is hilarious. | ||
| They give these companies an extra year or two to get rid of all the bullshit that they made so that they can still fuck people over for 12 months and make money. | ||
| They knew that that stuff was bad for you decades ago, and they've been like, la, la, la, la, not listening. | ||
| Dude, I'm dying to tell you this story about my dad. | ||
| Okay, so... | ||
| When I was 12, I moved to Toronto, living in Canada. | ||
| Dad was the president of Nabisco, Canada. | ||
| Speaking of headbanging, I was a fucking rabid Motley Crue fan. | ||
| I fucking love Motley Crue. | ||
| This was 1987. Shout out to the devil! | ||
| Shout out! | ||
| This is their Girls Girls Girls Tour. | ||
| I got fucking Motley Crue all over my bedroom walls. | ||
| I'm fucking crazy about these fucking guys. | ||
| They come to Toronto for their Girls, Girls, Girls tour. | ||
| They're doing Maple Leaf Gardens. | ||
| And the day before the concert... | ||
| Well, I should say my dad knew what a big fan I was. | ||
| Nabisco, Canada had a skybox in the arena. | ||
| But my dad also knew that nobody from Nabisco gave a fuck about a Motley Crue concert. | ||
| The skybox was going to be empty. | ||
| So my dad said to me, he said, hey, I know how much you love Motley Crue, so I'm going to bring you to the concert. | ||
| We can sit in the Nabisco skybox. | ||
| And I tell my dad, dad, watching Motley Crue through a plate glass window sucks. | ||
| And he says, all right, well, basically, fuck you. | ||
| He's like, if you can do better, then we'll do better. | ||
| Then we'll use your tickets. | ||
| I was 13. Right. | ||
| The day before the concert, I see on the news, they're like complaining. | ||
| They're like, these fucking asshole rock stars come to our city and fucking fuck around like one way or another. | ||
| And I'm like, dude, they're here. | ||
| The fucking... | ||
| What are you saying? | ||
| Asshole rock stars? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| They made the news for some... | ||
| I forget what it was. | ||
| I think they started some kind of fire or something, but they were on the news. | ||
| They were complaining, these fucking guys come here. | ||
| And so I'm like, they're in Toronto, they're in the city now, and the fucking concert's tomorrow. | ||
| So I deduce that they're in a hotel, and I'm gonna fucking find these guys. | ||
| I'm gonna fucking find them. | ||
| And you're 13? | ||
| I was 13. And so I go fucking running to my room, right? | ||
| Right away, I'm thinking, I know all the guys, and I know their real names, like Vince Neil. | ||
| is vincent wharton right like i know all their names and i'm like i'm gonna fucking check into the the hotel as like frank carlton ferrano right that's nikki six they're not gonna use their real names and i was like they're gonna check into the hotel under the name of their manager right and i just guess you just knew it go right into my room and i fucking check on my little cassette album sleeves I check everyone, it says Doc McGee, which is their manager at Doc McGee. | ||
| So I'm like, that's the fucking one. | ||
| I go run into the phone book, and I fucking open it up to hotel, like the Yellow Pages. | ||
| And I just straight start calling every fucking hotel in the Yellow Pages. | ||
| And when the hotel answers, I'm like, will you please put me through to Mr. Doc McGee's room? | ||
| The show was a Sunday, so it's a Saturday. | ||
| My dad's watching college football. | ||
| I'm sitting there on the phone calling every hotel in Toronto, just going down the list. | ||
| Not even calling the ones with the ads. | ||
| Literally just sticking to the list so I don't miss one. | ||
| My mom's pissed because there was no call waiting. | ||
| She's like, you're tying up the house phone. | ||
| My dad, all my dad ever wanted was for me to show initiative and to be, like, motivated for something, you know? | ||
| And so my dad's, like, super stoked. | ||
| I'm on fire. | ||
| I'm telling my mom, Mom, I'm calling Motley Crue, fucking... | ||
| And my dad, like, calls off my mom, you know? | ||
| Like, honey, like, let him do his thing. | ||
| And I fucking sat there for probably two or three hours just calling hotels. | ||
| And I get... | ||
| They put me through to this room. | ||
| There was one, like, false alarm, you know? | ||
| But then the second McGeeves room that I got through to, the guy picks up the phone and, uh... | ||
| I say, hello, is that Doc McGee? | ||
| And he says, no, this is Doc's brother, Scott. | ||
| And I'm like, as in Motley Crue? | ||
| And he says, how did you get this number? | ||
| And I told him, I just called every fucking hotel on the Yellow Pages. | ||
| You told him? | ||
| I said, I just called every hotel on the Yellow Pages. | ||
| Is the Crue there? | ||
| And he goes, hold on a second. | ||
| Are you fucking kidding me? | ||
| That's awesome. | ||
| He goes, I'm so impressed by what you did. | ||
| He says, how would you like it if I put you on the list for backstage passes and I can give you tickets in the fifth row? | ||
| So he gave me two tickets in the fifth row, fucking backstage passes. | ||
| My dad's a chauffeur to the fucking Maple Leaf Gardens. | ||
| We got in the fucking press line. | ||
| Fifth row! | ||
| Fifth row, dude. | ||
| That's insane. | ||
| That's actually better than the first row. | ||
| You're like a little back? | ||
| It was the dopest. | ||
| I was fucking headbanging like a mug. | ||
| I gave myself hella brain damage that night, dude. | ||
| Is that a picture from the era? | ||
| Dude, how are you not showing me with fucking Nikki Sixx and Tommy Lee, dude? | ||
| Is that your picture? | ||
| No, no, no, no. | ||
| Dude, just Google Steve-O and fucking Steve-O and Motley Crue, man. | ||
| When you were 13? | ||
| I was fucking 13. We went up to the skybox and I put my ghetto blaster next to the little speaker deal. | ||
| Yeah, there's me and Tommy Lee. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| How old is Tommy Lee? | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Me and Nikki Sixx right there. | ||
| You were like a baby. | ||
| I was a fucking baby, dude. | ||
| That is so weird. | ||
| Yeah, and you know, I'm standing next to these guys, and I'm like, I don't have fucking shit to talk to them about, but the fact that I was standing next to those guys, and I was like, you know what? | ||
| I'm here backstage with my fucking heroes, and it's because I fucking decided so, you know? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Like, there's something about that that gave me this... | ||
| This mentality. | ||
| And then you see the top left right there? | ||
| Check it out. | ||
| All these years later, when they announced that they were back together and going on their Carnival of Sins tour, Tommy Lee asked me to do something fucked up and introduce them, dude. | ||
| How full circle. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Yeah, dude. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Dude, it was the dopest, man. | ||
| Who's the dude on the far right? | ||
| That's Mick Morris. | ||
| With the hat? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's got, like, a degenerative bone disease. | ||
| What's going on with him? | ||
| Yeah, like, I forget what it's called, but, uh, yeah, he's, like, they gotta, like, have him come out when the lights aren't on. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, no. | |
| Like, uh, you know, or, I don't know, maybe he's doing better, I don't know. | ||
| He limps? | ||
| Yeah, he's in rough shape. | ||
| Poor guy. | ||
| But, yeah, dude, I love that story, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| And my dad, you know, is, like, kind of how my dad is. | ||
| That's awesome, man. | ||
| Yeah, dude. | ||
| That's a great story. | ||
| Well, thank you, man. | ||
| It really made me into a monster in some regard because, like, I think that at that young age, it's like, you know, I really can fucking, you know, if you just... | ||
| And I've always said, like, it doesn't matter what people want. | ||
| It just matters how bad they really fucking want it. | ||
| I mean, of course, like... | ||
| It definitely matters what they want. | ||
| You want to play basketball against, like... | ||
| Of course. | ||
| Within some kind of reason. | ||
| LeBron James. | ||
| Within some kind of reason. | ||
| Dude, but I want it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ha! | |
| Right, of course. | ||
| Within some fucking parameters of reality. | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| It's a factor. | ||
| What do they say? | ||
| They say that luck is when preparation meets opportunity. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Which is dope. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| I love that fucking scene. | ||
| Yeah, there's a lot of variables, and you can control some of them. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You can control some of them. | ||
| And now, like with fucking stand-up, and I really want to, you brought up Allomagic, I'm only going to say this quickly, and I want to be careful not to lynch the guy, because, you know, I don't want everyone to say, oh, fuck that guy. | ||
| From everything I understand, he's hilarious. | ||
| He's a great guy. | ||
| He's a great guy, he's hilarious, and you should absolutely check out his comedy special on Showtime, which is called Shrimpin' Ain't Easy. | ||
| To decide for yourself, is this guy fucking funny? | ||
| Yes, he's very funny. | ||
| He's very funny. | ||
| Now, I never met the guy, and I didn't know shit about him. | ||
| And this was, was it 2012 or 2013? | ||
| I had been headlining comedy clubs since 2010, you know? | ||
| I got into it and I was just... | ||
| So you've been doing stand-up for seven years now? | ||
| Yeah, well technically it's been almost 11 years since the first time I ever tried it. | ||
| Which was at the Laugh Factory when Skylar Stone in 2006 asked me to do a stunt at the Laugh Factory. | ||
| Because he's hosting a show and he wants to, you know. | ||
| So I'm like, yeah, I'll do a fucking stunt. | ||
| Like, whatever. | ||
| And I showed up. | ||
| I had no game plan when I walked in. | ||
| Just as I said, I can't. | ||
| There's nothing fucking crazier than me getting on stage trying to make people laugh. | ||
| That's the stunt. | ||
| I was terrified. | ||
| And so I tried it that night. | ||
| But I never got, like, really hardcore, like, in earnest until 2000. Sorry, 2010. Now, 2012, 2013, I'm at a point where I'm super comfortable in my 45 minutes, right? | ||
| Like, whatever my hour is at that point. | ||
| Like, I'm just really comfortable in it. | ||
| And I'm starting to feel, like, stale. | ||
| Because I'm fucking going through the motions and the shit. | ||
| Like, you know what that's like, right? | ||
| You get to a point where you're just like, fuck, I'm dying because I'm not, you know... | ||
| Not doing anything new. | ||
| Not doing anything new. | ||
| And the worst is if you go back to a fucking place and do the same material. | ||
| I don't ever want to fucking do that. | ||
| So I'm like, okay... | ||
| My comfort zone. | ||
| And I gotta get out of it. | ||
| But I just wasn't doing it. | ||
| I finally put my foot down. | ||
| I said, fuck it. | ||
| Okay? | ||
| This is what I'm doing. | ||
| I'm promising myself. | ||
| I'm gonna go do 10 minutes. | ||
| I'm gonna do a 10-minute set here in LA. And even if I have to, I put it on my fucking calendar for one week later. | ||
| And even if I have to bomb, I'm not backing out. | ||
| Period. | ||
| I'm going, I'm doing 10 new minutes. | ||
| And I wrote a fucking set and I went over to the laugh factory and I did it and I was thrilled. | ||
| I got some laughs, you know? | ||
| Then I go over to the fucking improv. | ||
| And I'm like, hey, you know, and I made the mistake. | ||
| It was a mistake. | ||
| I say, hey, I'm working on some new material. | ||
| You never say that when you're working on new material. | ||
| To the audience? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Right. | ||
| But I mentioned it. | ||
| I said, hey, or maybe I did it. | ||
| And then I said, hey, guys, thanks. | ||
| You know, like I was trying some new material and thanks for, you know, and I diligently recorded the fucking set to play it back and hear where the laughs were. | ||
| You know like I wrote my own shit I went there and I fucking did new shit and I worked it out and I recorded it and You know that's how you do it, right? | ||
| Well when I get off the stage And I'm thrilled because the fucking people left, you know, and I sit in the crowd I sit in the crowd the host brings up the next comic the next comic is all magical He walks out he goes Oh my God, what did we just see? | ||
| We just saw Steve-O working on new material. | ||
| I just... | ||
| And he's just like, I just can't take it anymore. | ||
| Like, I just... | ||
| I just can't believe that, you know, that... | ||
| This thing that I consider my calling in life, stand-up comedy, that I care about it so much, and now we have Steve-O and Dustin Diamond out here doing this thing. | ||
| He's like, I can't believe that these people are taking something that's so sacred to me and just using it as their last resort. | ||
| And I'm sitting right there watching him say this shit. | ||
| I'm like, what the fuck? | ||
| You know? | ||
| Like, what the fuck are you doing, dude? | ||
| It was such a blatant attack from the stage, you know? | ||
| And I'm like, it's not fucking right, because A, motherfuckers were laughing, you know? | ||
| I played it back. | ||
| I got in the car right after that. | ||
| I sat there and watched it. | ||
| I couldn't even believe it. | ||
| And then there was a lady that was talking at her table, and he just went in on her beyond what was like, hey, be quiet. | ||
| I was starting in with the personal, whatever. | ||
| I don't even care. | ||
| But what I perceived was that here's a guy who's claiming that his whole passion is stand-up comedy, but his whole attack on me and then berating the woman, there weren't any jokes. | ||
| It was almost like he just forewent the act of performing comedy to just kind of be mean to me. | ||
| Because he was upset that you were doing stand-up. | ||
| He was upset that I was doing stand-up and whatever. | ||
| But then after his set, he went in and started telling jokes after that. | ||
| But after his set, he comes over to the sound booth and I'm sitting right next to the sound booth. | ||
| Sitting right next to it. | ||
| And he comes over and says something to the sound guy and kind of awkwardly notices I'm sitting right there. | ||
| And then he comes over and he leans over the table and he says, just so you know, what you're doing isn't taken lightly. | ||
| Like face to face, I felt like he totally insulted me. | ||
| Just so you know, what you're doing isn't taken lightly. | ||
| Like, I don't even know what it meant, but it was clear that the sentiment was like, and I meant everything I said. | ||
| You know, I felt like he came and insulted me to my face on top of that. | ||
| And I was just, I was pretty bent out of shape about it. | ||
| But I didn't like say anything or, you know, And I certainly wouldn't have come here to talk about that, like, at all, except, what was it? | ||
| I was on here a couple weeks ago. | ||
| And, like, I see in my Twitter feed, like, my name is tagged, and it says, listen to the podcast, douche. | ||
| And I'm like... | ||
| Huh? | ||
| And I'm like, okay, so Al was on the Joe Rogan podcast, and I guess he's telling me to listen to it. | ||
| And then there was more like Brendan Schaub replied, and they're all playing nice. | ||
| And I just fucked, so I started listening to the Al Madrigal thing. | ||
| And right out of the gate, he's saying like, oh man, I have this habit where I kind of create problems. | ||
| I talk shit on people, and I create beefs. | ||
| And it's really counterproductive, and I should work on it. | ||
| It's not a good thing. | ||
| And he basically went on to apologize to everybody under the sun. | ||
| And then my name comes up, and he makes the distinction that, oh, well, I actually don't feel bad about fucking talking shit on Steve. | ||
| He says, I actually don't feel bad about this at all. | ||
| And then he goes on to repeat, like, all the shit that he said from the stage. | ||
| And, like, I got so bad out of fucking shade that night. | ||
| You know, you saw I texted you. | ||
| I know, we talked, yeah. | ||
| And whatever. | ||
| Like, he's just, you made the great point. | ||
| He said, hey, you know, he does that shit sometimes. | ||
| He says dumb shit. | ||
| And I actually had a conversation with him about it. | ||
| And it was a hilarious conversation because he was like, he calls me up and I answer the phone. | ||
| He's like, how are you doing? | ||
| I'm like, well, not that fucking good, you know? | ||
| I was so fucking pissed. | ||
| I didn't even really fucking sleep last night. | ||
| Were you that pissed? | ||
| I was. | ||
| It really kept you up? | ||
| It kept me up, dude. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| How do you let other people affect you that much? | ||
| That's a great question. | ||
| Do you meditate at all? | ||
| I got into the TM and I've been doing it very fucking little. | ||
| I gotta do it way more. | ||
| Yeah, you do. | ||
| You can't let someone rent space in your head like that. | ||
| I know, thank you. | ||
| Because what he said was very mild. | ||
| It was. | ||
| It was! | ||
| And we said on the podcast, he was also kind of conciliatory. | ||
| It was like, eh, conciliatory to everybody but me. | ||
| That's, I think, what bothered me so much. | ||
| He goes, I feel bad, I do this, but then when it comes to Stevo, I actually don't feel bad about this one. | ||
| It's so stupid. | ||
| What you do is funny. | ||
| I've seen you. | ||
| I've seen you do stand-up. | ||
| You're funny. | ||
| Well, thank you, man. | ||
| You're a comic, in my mind. | ||
| Hey, I appreciate that so much. | ||
| And I think that what particularly fucking got me hot about that was that the time that he chose to attack me was when I was really working the craft of fucking comedy, writing my own material, going out there, getting outside of my comfort zone. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Doing fucking new shit, diligently recording it, fucking like, that's the craft! | ||
| Doing actual stand-up, yeah, that's the craft. | ||
| That's the fucking craft, and it was just a fucking shitty time to do that. | ||
| Well, he really does care about stand-up comedy, but I think because of that, caring, sometimes it blinds you, you know? | ||
| And I'm very sensitive to it because I experienced it a lot when I was first starting out, where people didn't think that I fit into the mold of what they thought a stand-up should be. | ||
| Sure, sure. | ||
| And I'm glad that you make that point because, yeah, it was fucking mild. | ||
| The fact that I got bent out of shape the way I did, It's bullshit. | ||
| You're such a public figure, too, and your career has been so controversial. | ||
| That's why I don't understand why you're so sensitive to criticism, because everything you've done has been chaos. | ||
| You've done so much chaos. | ||
| I just would imagine that so many people shit on you. | ||
| I guess. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I just think that I fucking care about comedy. | ||
| I would imagine him saying that to you in person just so you know what you're doing is not taken lightly. | ||
| I would probably smack him. | ||
| I really would have a really hard time with that. | ||
| Like what? | ||
| Doing stand-up? | ||
| That's not taken lightly? | ||
| What do you own? | ||
| Stand-up? | ||
| You're out of your fucking mind? | ||
| This is what I said to you the other day. | ||
| Don't you like stand-up? | ||
| I like stand-up. | ||
| I want my fucking mailman to try it. | ||
| He might be funny. | ||
| Dude, one of the funniest guys I ever fucking met was a private detective that I worked for. | ||
| He lost his license at a DUI, and I wound up being his driver. | ||
| And he needed a driver. | ||
| He needed an assistant, in quotes. | ||
| But really what he needed was a guy to drive him around because he lost his license for six months or something like that. | ||
| So I worked for him for like six months. | ||
| He was the funniest fucking guy I ever met in my life. | ||
| And while I was doing stand-up, I think I was 21 at the time, and I think he was probably 35, 36. I was like, this guy just did stand-up. | ||
| He would fucking put me out of business. | ||
| That's all I could think of. | ||
| If this guy went into stand-up, meanwhile, he was a man. | ||
| He had experienced life. | ||
| I was a boy, right? | ||
| But everybody that you like that wants to do stand-up, you should encourage them to do it. | ||
| Like my friend Brendan Schaub, he does stand-up. | ||
| Fuck him! | ||
| And he faces the same shit. | ||
| People are like, this fucking guy, he's doing stand-up! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bullshit! | |
| I heard about... | ||
| Eric Griffin. | ||
| Very similar. | ||
| Eric Griffin shit on him. | ||
| But Eric was just being funny. | ||
| And I said to him, I go, of course they're gonna shit on you. | ||
| You're a big, handsome gorilla, and you're on stage. | ||
| He is fucking shockingly good-looking. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's a good-looking fella. | |
| Handsome fella. | ||
| What a great dude. | ||
| He's a great guy and he's funny. | ||
| He's fucking funny and I told him you should do stand-up. | ||
| And he's smart. | ||
| He's very smart. | ||
| And he works hard. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's been doing stand-up a year and he's killing. | ||
| He does really well. | ||
| I saw him the other night at the Comedy Store sandwiched in between me and Dane Cook. | ||
| Swimming with sharks. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes! | |
| Swimming with sharks, he was doing a real show, like at a real show, and he had a real good set. | ||
| Dane Cook helped me a lot, man. | ||
| I know he's a polarizing figure, but when I got into stand-up in earnest, because back in 2006, I was like, man, I really like this, you know? | ||
| I tried it. | ||
| I got on stage for a few minutes that first night, and the sense I got was that people were excited to see me. | ||
| They were rooting for me. | ||
| They wanted me to do well. | ||
| For some reason, I can be endearing to people and they're rooting for me. | ||
| And I got a few laughs, you know? | ||
| I made a couple of fucking gay jokes, whatever. | ||
| And before I left the Laugh Factor that night, I scheduled my return. | ||
| And before I came back, I wrote a set. | ||
| And I came back and it went reasonably well and I was thrilled. | ||
| Then I got overconfident. | ||
| I was like, oh, I'm just good at stand-up. | ||
| So I fucking come back again and don't even, I don't try to work on the fucking act I had written. | ||
| I'm like, no, I'm going to do fucking, I'm just going to go up and wing it. | ||
| And I bombed and it hurt, you know, it hurt. | ||
| And then I bombed again and then I was like scared to get back to it. | ||
| And I was out of control with drugs, so like I was really, it wasn't the time. | ||
| Now, once I got sober in rehab, then Going to bars, going to nightclubs, that's not on the table anymore. | ||
| You gotta ask yourself, do you have a reason to go there? | ||
| And I didn't have any fucking reason. | ||
| But I had every reason to go to a comedy club, so that became my go-to thing at night. | ||
| If I'm going out with a girl, it's like a thing. | ||
| I got a reason to be there, and I go to the comedy club. | ||
| And so I'm sitting in the comedy club in my early sobriety, and we're looking at the stage, thinking, motherfucker, I should be on that stage. | ||
| I should be on that stage, but I was, like, scared, you know? | ||
| And then, as the press machine was, it wasn't even, like, the first thing I even did ostensibly to promote Jackass 3D was this young Hollywood interview, and they said, oh, Dane Cook's in there. | ||
| Just go barge into his interview. | ||
| It'll be great. | ||
| So I walk into Dane Cook's interview, and, uh, I meet him and I'm like, hey dude, I've dabbled in stand-up and I want to get serious about it. | ||
| I want to really dive in. | ||
| And fucking to his credit, man, he said, cool. | ||
| He said, let's do it. | ||
| I'll give you my number. | ||
| We'll get you on stage at the improv in a week. | ||
| And he gave me his number and I fucking wrote and I wrote. | ||
| I wrote that whole fucking week. | ||
| And I went and I fucking practiced at that shitty little open mic Marty's. | ||
| It's hilarious. | ||
| You wouldn't even know about it. | ||
| Where's Marty's? | ||
| It's on Sunset Boulevard, right by Rock and Roll Ralphs. | ||
| It's a hilarious little fucking hole in the wall, open mic. | ||
| And I went, you know, sure enough, I met Dane Cook at the improv. | ||
| It was like two comics after Sarah Silverman, and then I go on, then Dane goes on. | ||
| And right after Dane's set, he sat down with me and fucking gave me notes. | ||
| The first thing he said was, I'm not sending you back to the drawing board. | ||
| Which was like his way of saying that the material I did, like, wasn't, like, don't rewrite. | ||
| Like, it's good. | ||
| He's just worried about your delivery and your timing. | ||
| And from there, I went to the fucking two nights later. | ||
| I'm with the Laugh Factor. | ||
| Dane's there. | ||
| It was just like, he took me under his wing, you know? | ||
| Like, just, like, with regularity. | ||
| He'd go, and I'd go, and he'd go, or the other way around, and he'd sit me down and give me notes. | ||
| And I put so much fucking wind in my sails. | ||
| That's awesome. | ||
| I'm really grateful to Dane Cook for that. | ||
| Aw, play the music. | ||
| Are hermaphrodites real? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I got the info on that. | |
| Oh yeah, what's up with the hermaphrodites? | ||
| They're real. | ||
| They changed the name to intersex a couple years ago, so the medical terminology was changed. | ||
| So is there such a thing as having a dick and a pussy? | ||
| Yeah, so here's all the stats on which is born with which, and there's different... | ||
| One in 1,666 births. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So I don't know which is actually the... | |
| Androgen insensitivity syndrome. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Both parts, but... | |
| So they don't necessarily use the term hermaphrodites. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| It's still used, like, in biology. | ||
| Oh, I see. | ||
| So when it comes to... | ||
| Oh, so there's, like, a list of... | ||
| It looks like there's, like, 30 of them. | ||
| How many are there? | ||
|
unidentified
|
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14. When referring to humans, I think they stopped using that word. | |
| Because it made people feel bad? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Probably. | |
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| So, complete gonadal diagenesis. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ooh. | |
| One in 150,000. | ||
| That can't be good. | ||
| Alpha reductees deficiency, five alpha reductees deficiency, vaginal agenesis. | ||
| Imagine vaginal agenesis. | ||
| It sounds like you have an old pussy. | ||
| You're born, I'm sorry, your baby was born with an old pussy. | ||
| You look down, it's like an old floppy grandma pussy. | ||
| I don't even want to know what that is. | ||
| Put that away. | ||
| But only your vagina. | ||
| Could be worse things. | ||
| Your face is cute. | ||
| So there are hermaphrodites. | ||
| There are people that are born with a vagina. | ||
| Google, are there people that are born with both a vagina and a penis? | ||
| Are people born with both a vagina and a penis? | ||
| Because there was too many medical terms there. | ||
| I don't know which one of those would apply. | ||
| Right, it's kind of like with little people. | ||
| I hate that fucking term. | ||
| Well, the thing about Dr. Drew is he's an addiction specialist, right? | ||
| So how much does he even know about this stuff? | ||
| I mean, how much did he really learn about this stuff? | ||
| And he's also an addiction specialist who erroneously says that marijuana is hugely addictive, which is just ridiculous. | ||
| Well, I... Dude, I used to fucking... | ||
| Used to do it a lot, I'm sure. | ||
| But yeah, here's the thing, dude. | ||
| At one point, I was sort of house-sitting for this chick, and I humped a... | ||
| A strange chick in her bed and tied the rubber in a knot, which I would do, you know, and tied the rubber in a knot and threw it on the floor. | ||
| Her fucking dog ate the rubber, right? | ||
| Okay. | ||
| And it was her boyfriend's dog, and I'm thinking, oh no, the fucking dog maybe took the rubber. | ||
| Throw up the rubber. | ||
| Right, like the dog took the fucking rubber for like a victory lap, and it's gonna drop, and it's gonna look terrible for this girl. | ||
| So I'm like following the dog around. | ||
| Ultimately, the dog shitted out, and it was hilarious. | ||
| But I felt bad, because like, It's kind of like sodomizing the dog. | ||
| And so then I felt like to make it up to the dog, You can get the dog high? | ||
| I owe it to the dog to do it myself, because this is a funny bit. | ||
| To swallow a condom filled with a load in it? | ||
| What does this have to do with pot? | ||
| That would be really funny, but I got it in my head, I'm going to swallow a condom, but then I was like, okay, cool, when I'm on tour in Europe, I'll fucking put weed in the condom, tie it in a knot, and it'll be like a skit where I film it's an international drug smuggler skit. | ||
| I'll do it in one country, and I'll fly it to the other country and shit it out. | ||
| And I did it. | ||
| It was a fucking saga. | ||
| I actually have a fucking epic... | ||
| There's a huge tentpole bit in my stand-up right now about that whole... | ||
| I got arrested for international drug smuggling in Sweden. | ||
| Did you? | ||
| I did. | ||
| It was fucking epic. | ||
| It's so classic, dude. | ||
| Because of swallowing a condom full of pot? | ||
| That's the greatest fucking story ever, dude. | ||
| It's so fucking awesome, yeah. | ||
| How'd you get caught? | ||
| Because I had fucking told the press. | ||
| At first, I did it so big that when I tried to fucking swallow it, it got stuck in my throat. | ||
| And I'm freaking the fuck out. | ||
| And then I fly from Norway to Sweden, and Knoxville told me I was going to- How big was the nug? | ||
| Dude, I didn't even break the buds off the stem. | ||
| You swallowed a branch? | ||
|
unidentified
|
A branch of a fucking tree? | |
| And it had a fucking rock of hash in there, too. | ||
| Oh, Jesus! | ||
| In the same condom? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So you swallowed a dick. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You basically swallowed a pot dick. | ||
| That's one of the jokes. | ||
| That's one of the jokes. | ||
| Like a deep throat in the Incredible Hulk. | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| Like, show me in your fingers how big this thing was you swallowed. | ||
| It was, uh... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I mean, it's on video, and that's for my next comedy special. | ||
| It's on video? | ||
| Yeah, I filmed everything. | ||
| I was filming it for my DVD at the time. | ||
| Is it online? | ||
| I'm sure it probably is, but what I'm so excited about my next comedy special is that so many of the stories I tell in my stand-up are things that happened on camera originally. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So I'm editing into the fucking actual stand-up Kind of like you do with the podcast, like supporting archival footage, which just demonstrates that everything is not only truthful, it's not even embellished. | ||
| It's like 100%. | ||
| And I'm just so excited to do that. | ||
| Yeah, that's it, dude. | ||
| Oh my god! | ||
| Wait a minute. | ||
| It's hard to tell because of the perspective. | ||
| Where's your fingers? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's a bad video, too. | |
| It's fucking huge. | ||
| Play it so they can see it. | ||
| That's where I'm swallowing it. | ||
| Oh, no, you can see it right there. | ||
| Yeah, it's fucking massive. | ||
| Oh my god, you swallowed that? | ||
| Yeah, it got stuck in my throat. | ||
| Dude, it's so ridiculous. | ||
|
unidentified
|
For people that are looking, it's basically like an eight-year-old's fist. | |
| It's totally stuck in my throat. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Fuck, it's hard to swallow. | ||
| And I'm throwing up blood. | ||
| I'm trying to swallow it again to go down. | ||
| Oh, you're throwing up blood. | ||
| Oh, this is so crazy. | ||
| So you scrape the inside of your body up. | ||
| I was trying to swallow it. | ||
| It wouldn't go down. | ||
| I'm trying to barf. | ||
| It wouldn't come up. | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| And so I fly to fucking Sweden because my buddies are like, we've got to take you to the hospital. | ||
| Did you shit that out ever? | ||
| It took six and a half days. | ||
| I called him Knoxville. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh my god. | |
| And Knox was like, dude, you're going to die of intestinal strangulation because it's fucking going to block up my intestines. | ||
| Oh my god, dude. | ||
| And whatever. | ||
| So it took days to come out. | ||
| And when it came out, man, you must be so happy. | ||
| My asshole exploded, dude. | ||
| I don't want to tell all my jokes on this fucking podcast because that's fucking lame. | ||
| That's a big, important part of the... | ||
| Dude, it's fucking the best bit. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| I'm proud of what I'm doing on stage. | ||
| So are you saying that pot is addictive? | ||
| That was how I got in. | ||
| That was how I first did it. | ||
| Then I realized, okay, because filming Wild Boys, I would freak the fuck out whenever we went to the Far East, because you know you're not going to be able to find weed, and that's not okay. | ||
| I went to anywhere where I wasn't confident I would be able to get weed. | ||
| I sat there with my, before going to the airport, I sat there with my fucking weed grinder and just grind it up like a ton and then fucking compacted it so, you know, I broke the buds off the stems, you know? | ||
| And then I would fill up I'd put about like an eighth in each condom, whatever, nice and small, pack it up, and I would swallow like six of them, you know? | ||
| Really? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| So when you swallowed those, how long did it take to shit those up? | ||
| Those ones would come out quick. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like how quick? | |
| Those ones would come out in, I don't know, like one to two days. | ||
| How many times did you swallow condoms? | ||
| When I went to Thailand, even when I went to Russia, it was my fucking thing. | ||
| That was your thing? | ||
| Shitting out your pot that you would smoke? | ||
| Yeah! | ||
| When you lit it, did it ever smell like a condom? | ||
| It never smelled like a condom. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| There's a lot of funny in that. | ||
| I'm sure there is. | ||
| But that's a psychological issue. | ||
| Physical addiction is what we're talking about. | ||
| People get physically addicted to alcohol. | ||
| Alcohol is one of the most dangerous physical addictions because when you get off of it, you die from it. | ||
| That's how Amy Winehouse died. | ||
| A lot of people think she died from drugs. | ||
| She actually died because she went cold turkey off of alcohol. | ||
| I believe that. | ||
| Yeah, it kills people. | ||
| You know how I know that I'm a fucking true drug addict? | ||
| Is that I watched that documentary, Amy, and as I walked out of the fucking theater, I was like, fuck, man, I want to get out. | ||
| That's so crazy. | ||
| That was the least glamorous portrayal of drug addiction ever, and it just looked great to me. | ||
| I was like, oh my god, fuck that. | ||
| Well, there's no mistaking the fact that somehow or another that what she was doing with her life, whether or not you could say that it was the drugs or the state of mind that she was in when she was taking the drugs, she produced some fucking amazing music, man. | ||
| Right. | ||
| She tapped into it, whatever it is. | ||
| She wasn't the hottest chick. | ||
| You know that someone's talented when they're not that hot of a chick and they're a fucking huge... | ||
| Star for singing. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| She was super talented. | ||
| I mean, there's a lot of not-hot chicks like Adele. | ||
| Who else? | ||
| I mean, I'm sure you could find some other ones. | ||
| I've never really sat down and thought about it. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| It's kind of a rule. | ||
| You're supposed to be really hot and be able to sing. | ||
| Yeah, I guess so. | ||
| I think Amy Winehouse and Adele... | ||
| That's unfortunate, isn't it? | ||
| It's bullshit, yeah. | ||
| For a girl, right? | ||
| That's got to suck. | ||
| Oh, you know who else? | ||
| Fuck what dicks we are. | ||
| But Sia. | ||
| Who's that? | ||
| Sia's not super hot. | ||
| I don't know who that is. | ||
| She is a hugely popular singer. | ||
| I'm so out of the loop. | ||
| I'm that old man who doesn't know what the fuck's going on with the young kids today. | ||
| These fucking kids today. | ||
| I get it, dude. | ||
| He had to tell me that Lil Bow Wow fakes. | ||
| The fact that he was on a jet, a private jet. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I was like, who has Lil Bow Wow? | |
| I heard about that. | ||
| It's a challenge now. | ||
| He said it was his jet and that's when he got busted? | ||
| He said he was flying on a private jet and someone was actually on a commercial flight with him and took a picture of him because they saw it on Instagram. | ||
| This motherfucker's full of shit. | ||
| He's right in front of me. | ||
| That's so fucking classic. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| That's exactly like that dude Bear Grylls. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Very similar. | ||
| That's the same fucking thing. | ||
| Well, it's actually worse. | ||
| He's like Bear Grylls. | ||
| It's like he set up his tent like Ferris Bueller with the mannequin. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Well, the Bow Wow thing is indicative of an entire culture that's just all about showing off your flashy shit and showing that, you know, we're ballin' here, we're ballin'. | ||
| Right, and I was watching a fucking documentary, a Vice documentary on YouTube about Bay Area hip-hop, and the whole thing is they're talking about how it's such a fucking travesty that all the tech money came in and the area got gentrified, and the whole thing is they're like, Our land got gentrified and the rap artists talk about it, but they're like, and I got millions. | ||
| It doesn't jive. | ||
| You can't be complaining about gentrification and talking about... | ||
| Your millions or your ball. | ||
| Well, not all hip-hop does that. | ||
| There's some socially conscious hip-hop. | ||
| In the documentary, they were doing it. | ||
| Oh, they were doing it? | ||
| That's so stupid. | ||
| They're complaining. | ||
| They're complaining that these people that make the fucking very electronics they need to make their music came in and... | ||
| Man, I had a terrible time in San Francisco. | ||
| San Francisco's a trip. | ||
| I got my car broken into. | ||
| I parked it outside of a fucking vegetarian restaurant, granted, in the Tenderloin. | ||
| Tenderloin's terrible. | ||
| I know, but it was fucking noon. | ||
| It was noon, and I parked it right outside the restaurant, and they fucking smashed my window. | ||
| And then for the rest of the weekend, I was at Cobb's Comedy Club. | ||
| The rest of the weekend, every single person I said, yeah, I got my fucking window smashed and my shit stolen on my car. | ||
| Every person I mentioned that to said, yeah, that happened to me too. | ||
| Yeah, there's a lot of... | ||
| And that's starting to happen in L.A. too, man. | ||
| Well, it's always happened in L.A. Well, like West Hollywood, the smash and grab isn't becoming... | ||
| But, dude, in San Francisco, it's the worst. | ||
| But it's always happened. | ||
| There's always been broke people that break into people's cars, especially if you leave anything, like, really obvious in the front seat. | ||
| It's visible. | ||
| It's worth something. | ||
| Dude, I was the biggest scorer that whoever broke into my car... | ||
|
unidentified
|
What did they get? | |
| Dude, I had my super pack. | ||
| I was getting ready to go fucking film. | ||
| My super pack is like... | ||
| Plus, I had all the merch money from selling fucking merch. | ||
| You left it on your car? | ||
| I was going to film and I didn't even fucking think about it, dude. | ||
| Wait a minute. | ||
| You didn't think that you were going to park in one of the shittiest neighborhoods in all of California with a really valuable... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes, okay. | |
| Yes, Joe. | ||
| Well, you're saying it like it's like, wow, it's so weird. | ||
| Okay, Joe. | ||
| I'm dumb. | ||
| I hit my head a lot, Joe. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| People don't know how bad the tenderloin is. | ||
| I didn't know how bad it was. | ||
| I know a guy got murdered there. | ||
| And for me, I'm like, dude, what could happen outside of a spiritual fucking vegetarian restaurant? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, Jesus. | |
| A lot. | ||
| That's a lot of hippies getting jacked. | ||
| Plus, we sat by the window so as to see the car in our line of vision and somehow missed it. | ||
| How is that possible? | ||
| Yeah, I don't know, dude. | ||
| Spaced out. | ||
| Yeah, San Francisco is a weird place now, because the money that you have to spend to buy a house there is so crazy that it doesn't even make sense anymore. | ||
| Right. | ||
| There was a house that was for sale for over a million dollars, and it was a fucking tiny, shitty shack that had to be torn down. | ||
| I mean, there was literally nothing there. | ||
| And people were like, this is the most piece of ridiculous real estate in all of North America. | ||
| Right? | ||
| It's all that tech money. | ||
| I lived there when I was a kid. | ||
| I lived there from age 7 to 11. I used to do a magic show on Fisherman's Wharf when I was 8 years old. | ||
| I think you were telling me that you were talking with Al about it. | ||
| About what? | ||
| Yeah, we worked at Cobbs together. | ||
| But I used to live there when I was a little kid. | ||
| And it was just... | ||
| You know, this was during the Vietnam War. | ||
| It was like hippie time. | ||
| It was weird. | ||
| It was just all hippies and gay people. | ||
| And it was, you know, that was what San Francisco was forever until this tech boom. | ||
| And now it's just fucking insane money. | ||
| If you ever go on like, I go on like that app Trulia. | ||
| It's like a real estate app. | ||
| And I go, what kind of houses they have in Seattle? | ||
| Like, let's look at houses just for a goof. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sure. | |
| You look at San Francisco and you're like, what is 14 million Bayou in San Francisco? | ||
| Holy shit are you getting fucked. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Like our regular house is like 14 million bucks. | ||
| West Vancouver is pretty fucked up too. | ||
| Is there a lot of tech money up there too? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't know what it is, but it's fucked up. | ||
| It's tech money for whatever reason. | ||
| I guess it's just because, you know, everybody uses tech and there's just tons of money in it. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But those guys just seem to figure out a way to make more money than anybody. | ||
| There's so much money in San Francisco, though. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I know. | ||
| So you had a bad time in San Francisco because you parked your car in the Tenderloin with a lot of money and a lot of electronics in it. | ||
| Yeah, a lot of electronics, yeah. | ||
| Laptop, iPad, fuckin' 70D every lens, three grand in cash. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oof, oof, oof, oof. | |
| Are you doing, um, so you're doing, like, these shows, are you filming them? | ||
| Is that why you're bringing all this electronics? | ||
| Um... | ||
| Sometimes yeah, and sometimes I'm just filming for whatever YouTube, you know. | ||
| Now you did your Showtime special, that was what, a year and a half ago or so? | ||
| Yeah, it was the end of 2015 and then it aired in March of 2016. Yeah, because I remember you getting in touch with me saying you need someone to choke you out in Texas. | ||
| I'm like, I know the guy. | ||
| Yeah, I fucking love Tim Kennedy. | ||
| I'm so thrilled with how my fucking special came out on Showtime. | ||
| Oh, that's awesome. | ||
| I'm really fucking thrilled with it. | ||
| Can people get it somewhere other than Showtime? | ||
| Is it available on Netflix or any of those things? | ||
| I had Showtime, Showtime On Demand, and then Vimeo. | ||
| Oh, it was on Vimeo? | ||
| Yeah, I think that... | ||
| I guess it was tied up for two years before it can go on Netflix. | ||
| Oh, so is it available now? | ||
| Not yet. | ||
| Not yet. | ||
| So soon? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's cool. | ||
| I'm fucking stoked on how that came out. | ||
| Are you gonna do another one? | ||
| Yeah, dude. | ||
| Like I said, man, I'm working on doing a comedy special where I edit in archival footage, which sort of makes it a docu-comedy special, which I love. | ||
| Are people born that have a penis and a vagina? | ||
| Have we figured that out? | ||
| That's what I was looking up. | ||
| Yes and no, I would say, after what I was reading. | ||
| Most of the hemaphrodite comes from having ovaries and testicles that are maybe both at the same time. | ||
| There's pseudo-hemaphrodites, or also true hemaphrodites, and there's some sort of... | ||
| So a true hermaphrodite is someone who has both genitals? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, this is the best explanation. | |
| Why isn't it a picture? | ||
| True hermaphrodite's internal sex organs contain both ovarian and testicular tissue. | ||
| In some cases, that means that a ball on one side and an ovary on the other. | ||
| In others, it means hybrid beasties known as ovi... | ||
| Oh, oh my god. | ||
| Ovi-testes. | ||
| To the naked eye, their external genitals tend to be iffy. | ||
| Maybe it's a big clit. | ||
| Perhaps it's a teeny-weeny. | ||
| It's an urban dictionary. | ||
| No, this is scientific. | ||
| This is a scientific document. | ||
| Perchance it's some unholy, pinot-vaginal mismatch. | ||
| Pseudo-hermaphrodites have the chromosomal and internal sex organs of one gender, while the external protuberances are, again, anyone's guess. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hmm. | |
| Photo. | ||
| Click that. | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| Nothing? | ||
| Oh. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa! | |
| Oh. | ||
| That's a hardcore clit. | ||
| That makes sense. | ||
| That is a hermaphrodite, right? | ||
| That's got to be. | ||
|
unidentified
|
This page also has something called a double vagina. | |
| Dude, the clit is an anteater. | ||
| What did you say? | ||
| A double vagina? | ||
| Double vagina, double penis, and then there's this thing down at the bottom I found, which is this. | ||
| Never heard of this. | ||
| Persistent cloaca. | ||
| One in 20,000 female births. | ||
| Vagina and urethra coverage converge into one nauseating funnel-like drainage hole located somewhere in the taint area between the clitoris and the buttocks. | ||
| Poop, pee, and vaginal sludge mingle freely. | ||
| Corrective surgery is costly, complicated, and risky. | ||
| Don't click on that photo. | ||
| What about the double vagina photo? | ||
| Click on that bitch. | ||
| See what the fuck's going on up in that. | ||
| Oh, Jesus. | ||
| There's one next to the other one. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| Why does it look like that? | ||
| It looks like a chicken. | ||
| Yeah, well, that's like an autopsy. | ||
| Yeah, that's not good. | ||
| That's when it didn't work out. | ||
| Let's go with the double penis. | ||
| Let me see a double penis picture. | ||
| Is that real? | ||
| And this isn't one of those dudes that slices it. | ||
| That micro-penis thing is a bummer, man. | ||
| Click. | ||
| Two penises. | ||
| Oh, it's true, guys. | ||
| Double dick. | ||
| No, that's a slice. | ||
| This website's bullshit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
1955 image. | |
| That's a 1955 image? | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's what it says. | |
| Oh, okay, so it's not a split. | ||
| He's just got a broken double dick thing going on. | ||
| He's peeing out of his clit hole. | ||
| It's like the lizard dude that cut his tongue. | ||
| A lot of people do that. | ||
| That's real common. | ||
| They're cutting the tongue, cutting the dick. | ||
| They split their dick down the middle. | ||
| And then their pee comes out in just a big ol' splatter. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, you know, people just... | ||
| They just do. | ||
| That's right, man. | ||
| It's a weird world we live in, Steve-O. Fuck yeah. | ||
| It's another thing about my comedy special that, and who knows when I'll do it. | ||
| Ooh, that guy's got two double dicks. | ||
| Big fatties. | ||
| He really does. | ||
| Maybe you donate one to a friend with a little dick. | ||
| They do that now. | ||
| They're doing dick replacement surgeries. | ||
| If someone had an accident or something happened to their dick, they give them a penile replacement where someone will die and they'll take his dick and sew it onto you and it works. | ||
| You can get an erection and everything. | ||
| Didn't they do it for a soldier that got an explosion? | ||
| I thought I remember reading that. | ||
| I do not remember. | ||
| I remember the first guy that got it done though, I believe was a 50-year-old man and something happened to him. | ||
| And he was dickless for like a year. | ||
| Tough year. | ||
| Yeah, well, he kind of sewed back up. | ||
| Remember, he did porn when it was done. | ||
| I think it was just the head of his dick. | ||
| She cut it in half. | ||
| She basically just swapped the top off. | ||
| Yeah, what a terrible woman. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oof. | |
| Oof. | ||
| I'll never forget, and I didn't even know this was real until somebody explained to me on the show that this actually happened, but Ozzy Osbourne's wife was on some talk show that she was doing for a while, and she was joking around about some woman who cut her husband's dick off, then threw it in a garbage disposal. | ||
| And they were laughing about it. | ||
| I'm just laughing, thinking about his willy spinning around inside that garbage pillow. | ||
| And I went, wow! | ||
| What double standards! | ||
| What crazy double standards! | ||
| Because could you imagine a group of men sitting around laughing about a guy cutting off a chick's pussy and throwing it in a garbage disposal? | ||
| I can't imagine a scenario where you would not only laugh about that, but laugh about it on television and think it's okay. | ||
| But somehow or another it was okay for her to laugh about a guy losing his dick and having it chopped off and thrown into a fucking garbage disposal. | ||
| It's a weird, creepy double standard. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But at the same time, if you think... | ||
| I'm kind of close to this because sometimes people want to make a female version of Jackass where girls do terrible shit and hurt themselves on purpose. | ||
| And that's never going to work. | ||
| And it boils down to a hormonal thing because... | ||
| Men, with testosterone, the idea is that we're providers and we're supposed to be macho and prove that we're tough, and so it becomes funny to see a guy fail and get hurt. | ||
| Right, but not be victimized. | ||
| But with women, they're maternal, they're nurturers, so it's not cool to see them get hurt. | ||
| You know, it blurred the line a little bit. | ||
| They tied the guy down and cut his dick off and threw it in the garbage disposal. | ||
| This is not like a blurry line here. | ||
| Alright. | ||
| Okay, Joe. | ||
| This is a woman who's in jail for the rest of her life because she chopped this dude's cock off. | ||
| Alright, hey man. | ||
| I'm just saying it's weird that they thought it was okay to laugh about. | ||
| It's not, I mean, it's horrific that people do horrific things to each other. | ||
| It's no more horrific that a woman does it to a man than a man does it to a woman, and people have done horrible shit to women forever, but it's never funny. | ||
| Was it funny? | ||
| Like, did they make it funny? | ||
| Because a lot of people can make a lot of things funny. | ||
| She ain't funny. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Ozzy Osbourne's wife? | ||
| Not very funny. | ||
| No, it was just gross. | ||
| It was just mean. | ||
| But it was weird that all these women thought it was funny. | ||
| Like, ha ha ha, he lost his dick. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ha ha ha. | |
| It's like, whoa, it didn't seem real. | ||
| But I guess it's also because of what you're saying. | ||
| It's like there's something funny about a man getting fucked up. | ||
| A lot of people feel like that about watching women fighting. | ||
| There's people that I know that are super uncomfortable with watching a Ioana Jacek fight because she beats the fuck out of chicks and bashes her face in and cuts them up. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I've become a major fan of UFC. Yeah. | ||
| I really fucking love that shit, and I think it's incredible how not only did women be, you know, I mean, Dana White said forever that there will never be women, and then now not only are there women, but they're like the headliners. | ||
| Yeah, they're the headliners often. | ||
| This past weekend, it was a co-main event, Joanna Janjacek, and it was a real good fight, because the woman she was fighting was just tough as fuck, and she took a serious beating, but there's a fight that she did, Joanna Janjacek, against, see if you pull up the highlights, Janjacek versus Jessica Panay. | ||
| Try spelling her name. | ||
| Good luck. | ||
| I don't even know how to spell it. | ||
| It's so hard to spell her name that people just call her Yolanda Champion. | ||
| They don't even try with her last name because it's like a J and then a Z and then a fucking E and then some letters that don't even exist in the English language. | ||
| But she beat this girl up so bad that it was fucking disturbing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| I mean, she fucked this girl up. | ||
| Yeah, there's a lot of blood in this one, right? | ||
| Oh, it's horrible. | ||
| Well, the girl just did not belong in the ring with her. | ||
| I mean, in the cage with her. | ||
| And she's from Holland. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Poland. | |
| Yeah, multiple time world Muay Thai champion. | ||
| She was, before she ever got into MMA, she was one of the best strikers on the planet. | ||
| And if you go like deep into the fight, she just pecks her apart for the first couple of rounds and then by the time you're deep in the round, she's just a mask of blood. | ||
| And Joanna is just beating the fuck out of her and smashing her in the face with elbows and cutting her up. | ||
| And then the final barrage when they stop the fight, you see blood pouring out of her nose. | ||
| It's coming out. | ||
| And the girl, Jessica Panay, I'll do credit to her. | ||
| That girl is tough as fuck. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| She is a mask of blood and swelling. | ||
| And Yon Jacek is just a fucking demon. | ||
| She's just kicking at her and smashing her in the face. | ||
| And the blood on her face comes from the other girl. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Well, she probably got hit a few times herself. | ||
| I mean, it was a fight. | ||
| I'm sure she got scratched and cut a little bit. | ||
| If she got hit at all, which I'm sure she did. | ||
| But look at that. | ||
| These short elbows. | ||
| Look at that girl's face. | ||
| And you see also that she's just having a hard time taking it. | ||
| And this is the final barrage. | ||
| She steps forward and elbows her in the face and just beats the shit out of her. | ||
| And I had some friends that were watching this that weren't MMA fans, and they were like, fuck this. | ||
| I can't watch this. | ||
| Like, look at this. | ||
| Bang! | ||
| Bang! | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| That was his final barrage. | ||
| Oh, no way, dude. | ||
| What? | ||
| I just had a lot of thoughts all at the same time, like thinking, man, what an honor to sit next to Joe Rogan as he essentially commentates a fight. | ||
| Like, a lot of people would want to do that. | ||
| And then I was just thinking, oh, you know, like, I'm such a fan of yours, you know? | ||
| I'm a fan of yours, too. | ||
| Thank you, man. | ||
| I'm a fucking big fan. | ||
| Well, we're friends. | ||
| We don't really have to talk like we're fans of each other. | ||
| We're just buddies. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| Then I thought, fuck, dude, this one coming up is in Anaheim. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| The one where Cormier and Jon Jones. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What an exciting fucking thing it is. | ||
| How do I... You want to go? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Oh, dude, you're the man. | ||
| You're hooked up. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| I fucking love that. | ||
| Dude, I'll have you sitting right next to me. | ||
| My dad's going to be in town, too. | ||
| My dad's going to be staying with me. | ||
| Oh, dude, I'll give you two tickets. | ||
| One for your dad. | ||
| Come on, son. | ||
| Oh, fucking cool, dude. | ||
| You and your dad. | ||
| I want to meet your dad. | ||
| I want to hear about the story when you were 13 and you went to Motley Crue with him. | ||
| Dude, my dad's got... | ||
| That wouldn't even be a priority for him, I don't think. | ||
| That's awesome, man. | ||
| It was fucking great. | ||
| That's cool. | ||
| Ah, dude, I'm so excited. | ||
| I wanted to ask, too, like, you know, for all the shit-talking, people have to promote the fights, you know? | ||
| But, like, Daniel Cormier and Jon Jones, no matter who wins at the end of the fight, they're going to shake each other's hand, right? | ||
| I hope so. | ||
| I hope so. | ||
| Is it common, like, what we saw with Ronda Rousey not shaking me shit? | ||
| How do you fucking arm bar somebody? | ||
| They tap out, and then they get up and go to shake your hand, and you won't do it. | ||
| Like, that... | ||
| Well, I think that mentality that Rhonda has, she's mercenary in there. | ||
| And it wasn't over when it was over to her. | ||
| For her, it wasn't a competition. | ||
| It was life. | ||
| It was life or death. | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| I mean, that same thing is probably why she's not fighting anymore. | ||
| Her animosity and her emotions were so riding on that thing. | ||
| And then when she lost, and then when she lost again in a devastating fashion, that's also the reason why there was so much backlash. | ||
| Whereas someone who's really loved, like Randy Couture, Randy Couture would lose a fight, and no one talked, I mean, I'm sure someone talked trash about him, but no one's opinion of him differed when he lost, because he's such a good guy. | ||
| And because when he won, you know, after the fight, he would always pick the guy up and shake their hand and hug them, and he was always a gentleman. | ||
| When people have that sort of a mentality... | ||
| Here's a perfect example. | ||
| This past weekend, Dustin Poirier and Eddie Alvarez had a fight, and the fight was stopped. | ||
| Because of an illegal blow that Eddie Alvarez accidentally landed on Dustin Poirier, and the crowd was booing Eddie Alvarez, and Dustin Poirier yelled at the crowd, don't boo this man. | ||
| Like, we were in a fight, and he's not a dirty fighter, and he made a mistake. | ||
| First of all, Eddie Alvarez's eye was closed, he could barely see, he was completely on queer street, he had been almost knocked unconscious, and he hit this dude in the clinch with a couple of knees, and the referee didn't stop him, and he thought they were legal. | ||
| You know, he's in the chaos of a crazy cage fight, but to have those two dudes after the fight, both are bloody and battered, both of them are just like exhausted from a war, right? | ||
| And I'm interviewing the both of them side by side, and to have Dustin Poirier step in to defend Eddie Alvarez, who just need him illegally in the face, telling the crowd, don't boo this man. | ||
| Like, he was literally upset. | ||
| And then they shook hands. | ||
| There's something beautiful about that. | ||
| And I think people like the animosity, but they also really like the fact when the animosity is squashed after the fight and people hug it out. | ||
| They really do like that. | ||
| Yeah, and I think that there's a parallel. | ||
| With comedians who don't want to accept other comedians. | ||
| Yeah, I think so too. | ||
| And then there's you who's just not insecure and wants more fucking comedy. | ||
| Well, I love comedy, you know, and I love comedians. | ||
| There's some comedians that want to be the only person that's funny. | ||
| And they also bring people that suck with them on the road. | ||
| That's one thing you say. | ||
| I can't stand it. | ||
| Oh, that's so common. | ||
| Guys, they stack the deck. | ||
| They'll bring someone on the road with them that's terrible. | ||
| I try to bring the funniest young guys I can find. | ||
| Ian Edwards. | ||
| Yeah, Ian, and this weekend, Tony and Ian. | ||
| Those guys are national headliners, you know? | ||
| But I bring both of them on the road with me. | ||
| And Joey Diaz. | ||
| I had one show in... | ||
| November 2011, and it was my first theater show in LA. And this was like, I'm going to have everybody that matters to me. | ||
| And I asked Ian Edwards to open for me. | ||
| That's awesome. | ||
| And I'm fucking stoked. | ||
| He's an animal. | ||
| I was just so stoked that he even did it. | ||
| And I loved that he's so much better than me. | ||
| He's a really fucking good guy, too. | ||
| He's another guy that, like, he spent too much time doing other things other than doing stand-up. | ||
| And this is one of the things that I always tell comics. | ||
| You've got to be careful of those honeypot jobs, like writing for a show. | ||
| Like, a lot of really good comics wind up losing their stand-up careers because they develop a writing career. | ||
| And they, like, Ian should be a national headliner in big theaters all over the world. | ||
|
unidentified
|
For sure. | |
| All over the country and all over the world. | ||
| He really should be. | ||
| He's that good. | ||
| But because of the fact that he spent so much time writing on sitcoms, he didn't tour enough and he didn't put out enough material. | ||
| Like, he only has one CD out. | ||
| He's been doing comedy as long as me. | ||
| Ian Edwards and I started doing comedy together in 1990. That's when I met him. | ||
| I met him in 19-fucking-90 or 91 in New York. | ||
| And I've known him forever. | ||
| That's when I made my first video was 1990. Wow. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That's a long time, man. | ||
| Fuck yeah, dude. | ||
| But, yeah, my thoughts are that we should, I mean, if you like, like, everybody gets into comedy because they love it, right? | ||
| That's why you get into it. | ||
| You want, you want to watch, you know, you see a guy like, you know, Dice Clay or Kinison or Pryor or whoever it is that inspired you, and you see them, Kevin Hart, you know, name your person. | ||
| You see them and you want to be like, wow, that was awesome. | ||
| I want to see that guy again. | ||
| You know, and you want to go see comedy. | ||
| And that's why I got into it. | ||
| To get into it and then all of a sudden to want to be the only one who's funny is crazy to me. | ||
| It doesn't even make any sense. | ||
| And to not like the other comedians, it's just like you're robbing yourself of inspiration. | ||
| But there's a lot of comics like that. | ||
| They won't watch the other comedians. | ||
| They don't want to see them. | ||
| And when the comics are doing good, they get upset. | ||
| You know? | ||
| They're like, light them early, light them early. | ||
| Like, I've seen people say that before. | ||
| It's totally a question of being insecure. | ||
| It definitely is. | ||
| It's also... | ||
| I think it's a famine mindset. | ||
| And the famine mindset is this mindset, like, there can only be one. | ||
| Like, you can only be... | ||
| It can only all come to me. | ||
| It has to all come to me. | ||
| Like, no one else can... | ||
| But it's no... | ||
| What was that Snoop Dogg song? | ||
| It's no fun if the homies can't have some? | ||
| But it's true. | ||
| You don't want to be the only one who's doing well. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| It's just not a good thinking. | ||
| It's not a good way of thinking, rather. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And fuck, I'm excited for Anaheim. | ||
| Oh, you're going to have a good time. | ||
| It's a great card, too, as it stands right now. | ||
| There's a lot of issues getting these cards to actually play out, because guys get injured. | ||
| Or they get disqualified, or... | ||
| Yeah, but I mean, when you're getting to... | ||
| Yeah, they get caught doing something, but... | ||
| Yeah, I watched that... | ||
| Sorry for interrupting that. | ||
| I watched that Hurt Business documentary on Netflix with Daniel Cormier, the fucking... | ||
| With his knee injury and he's trying to get healthy again. | ||
| Fuck, that documentary is intense. | ||
| I haven't seen it. | ||
| You've got to watch it, dude. | ||
| It's so incredible. | ||
| Almost like the focus of it is, we're going to spotlight a number of these personalities from the UFC and really show just how fucking tragic it is. | ||
| They put so much into it and then they have their careers for whatever it's worth and then when it's all said and done, they just got nothing to fucking show for it. | ||
| It's just so fucking tragic. | ||
| Well, you can't think that you're going to have something to show for it. | ||
| That's the thing. | ||
| If you're lucky and you become a Conor McGregor, who's like one in a million, or you become, you know, a George St. Pierre who retires as the champion, you're really, really unusual. | ||
| But for everyone else, you have to do it because you love doing it. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| And if you do it because you love doing it and that's what you want to do, then you should do it. | ||
| And you will bank a lot of money if you're successful. | ||
| But there's this thing that people have where they see a guy like Floyd Mayweather and they say, well, hey... | ||
| Boxers make millions of dollars. | ||
| Look, Floyd Mayweather made hundreds of millions of dollars. | ||
| No, no, no, no, no. | ||
| Floyd Mayweather makes hundreds of millions of dollars, not boxers. | ||
| Like, Gernati Golovkin, who's one of the best boxers in the world, he can't even sell 200,000 pay-per-views. | ||
| Like, his last pay-per-view buy, I think, was like 150,000, which is insanely low, to the point where, like, it's very difficult for promoters to even get behind him unless he's fighting someone like Canelo Alvarez, which is his next fight. | ||
| Well, he'll make some money in that fight, but guarantee you he ain't making very good money, like with 150,000 pay-per-views, and he's a multiple-time world champion, and like a fantastic amateur fighter, and one of the best in the world. | ||
| It's about being a star, and a promoter is not responsible to give a fighter a bunch of money if they're not earning a bunch of money. | ||
| It's a business, and the business is people want to pay to see you. | ||
| Why do they want to see you? | ||
| Do they want to see you because you trash talk? | ||
| Or do they want to see you because you're Anderson Silva and you fight like you're in The Matrix? | ||
| Or do they want to see you because you're Ronda Rousey and you're the first ever woman ass kicker that we've ever seen like this? | ||
| Well, whatever reason it is that they want to see you, that reason is why you can make a shit ton of money. | ||
| It's not that you just deserve a shit ton of money because it's hard to do. | ||
| Right, of course. | ||
| But a lot of people get that wrong in their head. | ||
| They get that wrong in their head. | ||
| Well, it's show business, but it's also athletics. | ||
| So it's a very bizarre combination of two worlds. | ||
| Do you think that Conor McGregor is doing a disservice to himself by putting so much attention on, like just putting his whole UFC career on hold for this Mayweather thing? | ||
| No. | ||
| Because, ultimately, he can only fight for so long, and he stands to win, like, who knows how much money. | ||
| I mean, he can make... | ||
| It could be as much as $100 million for the fight. | ||
| It's going to be insane. | ||
| Asking a guy to pass up on the opportunity to make $100 million is kind of crazy. | ||
| That said, he's fighting, you know, boxing... | ||
| You're saying if he wins, what if he loses? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| It doesn't matter. | ||
| He's not... | ||
| The way boxing works is you get a purse. | ||
| The way UFC works is different and often criticized, and I think rightly so, is that you have a win money and a show money. | ||
| So, say if you were going to fight Jamie and they set it up where you fight, you make $50,000 to show and then another $50,000 if you win. | ||
| A lot of people have a real hard time with that. | ||
| And I think they should, because you're doing your best. | ||
| You're giving your best performance, regardless of whether or not you win. | ||
| No one's going to fight harder, I don't think, at least, to get that win bonus. | ||
| These guys are trying to win. | ||
| They're fucking gladiators. | ||
| I think you should have a purse, and that should be what you get paid, and you fight your best. | ||
| And that's what you get paid. | ||
| This idea that double is going to come your way if you get the judges' nod. | ||
| Meanwhile, the judges get shit wrong all the time. | ||
| Future, like, have $50,000 or $100,000, or who knows what the number is, on the line due to someone else's interpretation of it, or you can get injured and wind up losing, or anything can happen. | ||
| Like, I think that's kind of fucked up. | ||
| The thing about the Conor McGregor-Floyd Mayweather fight... | ||
| Well, I mean, if it's tennis, you get the money if you win. | ||
| Yeah, but that's different. | ||
| First of all, it's not a fight. | ||
| Because you can play a tennis match every weekend. | ||
| Try fighting every weekend. | ||
| You'd be dead in a month. | ||
| Like here it is. | ||
| U.S. President, yeah, they agreed to sign a deal with Floyd Mayweather. | ||
| That doesn't mean anything. | ||
| Because Floyd Mayweather hasn't agreed to it. | ||
| The deal hasn't been negotiated. | ||
| Conor has agreed. | ||
| So that's what that means. | ||
| But here's the deal. | ||
| Let's be honest about this as much as possible. | ||
| This is a boxing match between Conor McGregor, a guy who's never had a real professional boxing match, who's a really good amateur boxer in Ireland, who's a real multiple-division world champion combat sports fighter, no doubt about that, and a striker, no doubt about that, but he's fighting one of the best boxers, if not the best boxer ever. | ||
| Most likely, this is not going to work out well for him, if you had to guess. | ||
| That's my honest take on it. | ||
| The only way it could work out well is if Floyd takes him lightly, Conor clips him, Conor mugs him, Conor does some old school Bernard Hopkins shit, just ties him up, roughs him up inside the clinch, hits him with some real hard shots, or does something fucked up to him. | ||
| I mean, who knows? | ||
| Headbuts him. | ||
| I mean, that's what Victor Ortiz tried to do to him. | ||
| I guess you can also say that... | ||
| That he doesn't really stand there. | ||
| It's a win-win for Conor. | ||
| Because if he loses, of course he was going to lose. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And also, Floyd is not a vicious puncher. | ||
| Floyd's not Canelo. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He used to be. | |
| No, he never was. | ||
| You don't think? | ||
| No. | ||
| No, he never was. | ||
| He is an amazing boxer. | ||
| But he has very brittle hands. | ||
| He breaks his hands a lot. | ||
| And he can knock you out, like he knocked out Victor Ortiz, but he knocked out Victor Ortiz because he's just standing in front of him. | ||
| He knocked out Ricky Hatton, who was a smaller fighter, but he doesn't knock out most guys. | ||
| He stuns them, he sticks them with some hard shots, but Conor's got a really good chin and he's a much bigger guy. | ||
| So the odds are, even if Conor gets worked, he's just going to get outboxed for 12 rounds and get embarrassed and just whiff at a bunch of punches and Floyd's not going to be anywhere near him. | ||
| Or, he can catch him. | ||
| I mean, it is possible that he can catch him, but it's not likely. | ||
| Like, the odds are going to be huge in Floyd Mayweather's favor. | ||
| If I had a guess, it's going to be like 20 to 1 or something crazy like that. | ||
| I'm not an odds maker. | ||
| But I do know movement, and I know boxing, and there's just a big difference between what a guy like Floyd Mayweather can do and a guy like Conor can do when it comes to the actual boxing skills. | ||
| But there's also another factor, too, that Conor has been fighting with small gloves, and he's going to be fighting with larger gloves. | ||
| What size gloves do they agree on for the fight? | ||
| If Floyd's smart, he's going to make him fight with 10-ounce gloves, you know, because probably Conor will want to wear 8. I don't know what weight class they have the cutoff in. | ||
| Like, lighter weight classes, they use 8-ounce gloves, and heavier, they use 10-ounce gloves. | ||
| That was a stipulation in the Marvin Hagler or Sugar Ray Leonard fight. | ||
| Sugar Ray Leonard wanted the bigger gloves, wanted heavier gloves because he's fighting a big, heavy puncher like Hagler. | ||
| So they might make some sort of a decision to go with larger gloves. | ||
| But Floyd's a fucking 49-0, multiple-division world boxing champion, and Conor has never had a professional boxing fight. | ||
| That's really what it is. | ||
| It's interesting. | ||
| I mean, I want to see it. | ||
| Don't make no mistake about it. | ||
| When the fucking first bell rings, I'll have my popcorn ready, bro. | ||
| Well, you'll probably be right there. | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| No, I think I'll be home. | ||
| Yeah, I think I'll be watching that from home. | ||
| I think whoever does commentary on that is going to be probably boxing people. | ||
| It's like if you had Max Kellerman and Jim Lampley doing commentary on Floyd Mayweather fighting Conor McGregor in an MMA fight, I think that would be an embarrassment. | ||
| That would be ridiculous. | ||
| Just as ridiculous as it would be for me to do commentary on Conor fighting Floyd in a boxing match. | ||
| Unless they wanted to have a combination of an MMA judge or an MMA commentator and a boxing commentator. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| Perhaps. | ||
| I would do it with Max Kellerman. | ||
| I'm a big fan of that guy. | ||
| I like that guy a lot. | ||
| I think that would be kind of interesting. | ||
| But most likely I'll be at home watching it. | ||
| I'd like to see it live, maybe. | ||
| Maybe sit ringside. | ||
| Maybe kind of interesting to see that. | ||
| It's going to be a crazy interesting experience to see what Conor can do. | ||
| And I know he's been working almost exclusively on his boxing for months and months and months in preparation for this. | ||
| Here's the thing, that motherfucker can put you into orbit with one punch. | ||
| That's a fact. | ||
| You know, like, if you look at this past weekend, it's a perfect example when I said about Eddie Alvarez and Dustin Poirier having this crazy war. | ||
| Conor murked both of those guys with one punch. | ||
| With, I mean, with Eddie, he softened him up with a few punches before he murked him, but he had him on Queer Street with one punch, and he murked Dustin Poirier with one punch. | ||
| I mean, he's just, he hits Fucking hard. | ||
| This is this guy, Farras Ahab, he's a very famous MMA coach, and he said it best. | ||
| He said, Connor has a touch of death. | ||
| Like, he just... | ||
| He just fucking... | ||
| He just blaps dudes and zaps them with ridiculous speed and accuracy. | ||
| And when he does, you're fucksville. | ||
| The question is whether or not he's going to be able to do that to Floyd motherfucking Mayweather. | ||
| And most likely, Floyd's going to be nowhere near him when those punches come flying. | ||
| I mean, he's a wizard. | ||
| You ever watch, like, Floyd May with a defensive highlight reel? | ||
| Well, it's just him kind of running backwards? | ||
| No, him just moving away from punches, bending at the hips. | ||
| He's not a runner. | ||
| See, people think that Floyd's a runner. | ||
| Floyd doesn't run. | ||
| He's not, like, running away from guys. | ||
| He stands right in front of dudes. | ||
| He stands right in front of dudes and maybe backs up slightly or moves to the side. | ||
| But he's just so knowledgeable when it comes to boxing. | ||
| He has such a... | ||
| Deep understanding of where to be at the right time and where the punches can come from. | ||
| The left comes from here, that means the right's coming this way, and he's nowhere near that. | ||
| He's over here, and that means after the right, look at, like, when you stand in front of him, when you watch him, the way he's able to, like, slide out of the way of shit, I mean, dudes just don't fucking hit him very often. | ||
| He's been hit least or less than any world champion that's had 49 fights. | ||
| I would say that he probably has the most successful defensive career in the history of boxing. | ||
| I mean, he's literally been tagged hard maybe five, six times in his entire career. | ||
| And he stands in front of some of the best fighters in the world, like Canelo Alvarez. | ||
| I mean, Canelo was younger then. | ||
| It was a few years ago, and Canelo wasn't as good as he is now. | ||
| But he just stands right in front of guys and pops them in the face and just understands how to move. | ||
| Like, that kind of shit. | ||
| Like, when you're watching this highlight reel, you're watching a master. | ||
| Like, young fighters... | ||
| They should watch his defensive movements and abilities, I think, almost above all others, except now this new guy, Vasily Lomachenko, who I think rivals anybody that's ever lived in terms of his movement, his ability to move, and his positioning and footwork. | ||
| I think he's as good as it's ever been. | ||
| But, you know, he has only got like nine professional fights or something like that. | ||
| He just hasn't really... | ||
| Look, look at this. | ||
| Oscar De La Hoya standing right in front of him and he can't fucking hit him. | ||
| He's throwing all these punches. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Juan Manuel Marquez, he pops him and just, whoop, slides right out of the way. | ||
| Sorry, not here. | ||
| And unbelievable work ethic. | ||
| Like Floyd Mayweather will go to a club, go to a nightclub in Vegas, hang out, drink water, hang out with everybody, get all the accolades. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ladies and gentlemen, Floyd, Bobby, Mayweather's in the house! | |
| Light some $100 bills. | ||
| Everybody goes crazy, light some $100 bills. | ||
| Then you know what he does? | ||
| People will drive his Rolls Royce and he'll run. | ||
| He'll run the Vegas Strip. | ||
| He'll run miles. | ||
| And then go to the gym 3 o'clock in the morning and do fucking 15 rounds in the heavy bag. | ||
| He's an animal. | ||
| I mean, his work ethic and his mind and his determination and focus. | ||
| And I guarantee you, man, if he's getting ready for Floyd Mayweather or is getting ready for Conor McGregor, he's going to be in tip-top shape again, man. | ||
| He's never going to come in slipping. | ||
| It's going to be fun. | ||
| Why has he got to be so... | ||
| Such a dick? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because that's how he made all that money. | ||
| It's because of what we were talking about before. | ||
| The show business. | ||
| The show business aspect of it is having people... | ||
| He used to be Pretty Boy Floyd Mayweather. | ||
| That's what they used to call him. | ||
| But he wasn't really making any money. | ||
| You know, he became rich when he became Floyd Money Mayweather, when he started talking and all this shit, and then people wanted him to get his ass kicked. | ||
| And he wasn't getting his ass kicked. | ||
| Like, people are paying to see him not necessarily because they like him. | ||
| They're paying to see him because they want to see him get fucked up because he's a huge star. | ||
| And he became a huge star by fucking with people, talking a lot of shit, talking about how great he is, showing all of his watches and all of his jewelry. | ||
| He's got this crazy house in Vegas. | ||
| It's really the controversy, like domestic violence. | ||
| Dude went to jail for beating up girls. | ||
| There's a lot of controversy involved in him. | ||
| And that's one of the reasons why people wanted to see him fight. | ||
| They wanted to see him lose. | ||
| Uh-huh. | ||
| He didn't lose. | ||
| He went all the way to the bank. | ||
| I mean, he tied Rocky Marciano's record for having the most successful fights ever. | ||
| 49-0 as a champion. | ||
| That's unheard of. | ||
| Unheard of. | ||
| And Rocky Marciano's record is a little bullshit. | ||
| Because Rocky Marciano, Italians right now are going crazy. | ||
| What the fuck are you saying? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Rocky's the best! | |
| It's pretty much agreed that Rocky Marciano fought his brother in at least one fight early in his career. | ||
| So it was like a fake fight. | ||
| Pull that up. | ||
| See if that's been validated. | ||
| I'm pretty sure I've read that. | ||
| That Rocky Marciano had like a fixed fight with his brother. | ||
| Back in the day, you know, like a guy like Rocky Marciano was a murderous puncher. | ||
| It's probably like he would show up for a fight and people didn't want to fight him. | ||
| And like the people that paid to see him, like, what are we going to do? | ||
| Like, yeah, my brother will get in there. | ||
| So his brother gets in there and goes down to a body shot or something. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't know how it played out, but... | ||
| We're lucky we're not in that business, dude. | ||
| You think you have brain damage? | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know, from Tim Kennedy dropping you on your head? | ||
| How about just getting thudded in the head by some of the best fighters in the world? | ||
| I think I'm in pretty good shape with all that. | ||
| You seem fine. | ||
| Yeah, thanks, man. | ||
| Look, Anthony Rumble Johnson, who's one of the best fighters in the world, just retired, and he did an interview recently. | ||
| And today, the interview came out where he said brain damage is a big concern. | ||
| He's the guy who gives everybody brain damage. | ||
| Have you ever seen Rumble fight? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| The most terrifying knockout artist in MMA, in my opinion. | ||
| And he retired because he's worried about someone doing that to him. | ||
| He's like, I don't want brain damage. | ||
| He's like, I want other things in my life. | ||
| It's also interesting because he's one of the best fighters in the world. | ||
| And he said, I'm not really a fighter. | ||
| He goes, I'm an athlete who's really good at fighting. | ||
| Which I thought was fascinating. | ||
| Because it shows so much awareness. | ||
| It shows what a smart guy he is. | ||
| That he's really kind of aware of who he is. | ||
| Fuck yeah, dude. | ||
| So, Anaheim, you're there. | ||
| I'm so psyched. | ||
| It's a good one, too. | ||
| I hope nobody fucks up before the fight. | ||
| They almost got in a brawl this past weekend. | ||
| You should check out that show, The Hurt Business. | ||
| This past weekend, Daniel Cormier hit Jon Jones in the face with a water bottle at a press conference. | ||
| Right, I saw that on TMZ. And Jon tried to chuck one at him, and they almost brawled. | ||
| What's up with the water bottles at the press conferences? | ||
| Well, now they drain the Monster Energy cans, so when you see those Monster Energy drinks that are sitting there on the dais, those are fake. | ||
| They're real Monster Energy drinks, but they have to drink them all or empty them out before they get up there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| It's so exciting. | ||
| Oh, it's so exciting. | ||
| And just this Jon Jones, that was so interesting, that press conference where Jon Jones is talking all positive, like, no, I want to show that you can get back on your feet, and this, and then Cormier says, wait, hold on a second, backstage you told me I'm the biggest pussy you ever saw. | ||
| And then they, that was fascinating the way that played out. | ||
| Well, John is starting to come clean now. | ||
| He's starting to be more of himself. | ||
| This past weekend, they had a press conference. | ||
| And he said that he was fucking doing cocaine all weekend long before he beat him. | ||
| Well, Daniel Cormier said, Daniel was talking all this shit, is this fight even gonna happen? | ||
| Who knows? | ||
| If John gets caught doing cocaine or sandblasting a prostitute. | ||
| What is sandblasting a prostitute? | ||
| I don't know, but it's hilarious. | ||
| It's a hilarious term. | ||
| Daniel's funny, man. | ||
| I did commentary with him this past weekend. | ||
| Right, I saw that too. | ||
| He's a funny fucking dude, man. | ||
| I saw that on your IG story. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| And so anyway, when John said that, I beat you after I did cocaine for a weekend. | ||
| Everybody was like, oh shit! | ||
| It's like, I like that John is being himself. | ||
| That'll serve him better than all this fake shit. | ||
| Right, it's fake like, I'm just a good guy and I want to be uplifting. | ||
| Yeah, well he does want to be uplifting too, but when it comes to like actual fighting, he's a fucking straight-up killer. | ||
| Jon Jones is a killer. | ||
| That's, I mean, you don't get to be the youngest ever UFC champion if you're not a killer. | ||
| He got, he showed up, he fought Mauricio Shogun Hua in his UFC title fight, who is like a legend in Brazil. | ||
| His opening move was a flying knee. | ||
| He threw a flying knee on Mauricio Shogun Hua. | ||
| That is just crazy! | ||
| I mean, you have to be such a gangster to even think about doing that to a guy like that. | ||
| You're not feeling him out. | ||
| He just leaped in and threw a fucking flying knee at Shogun's face. | ||
| And caught him! | ||
| And beat his ass and stopped him when he was like 22. Won the world title. | ||
| It was bananas. | ||
| You know, John was something special and still is. | ||
| But it's gonna, you know, it's gonna be a long, tough fight with him and Cormier this time, I think. | ||
| It's gonna be fun. | ||
| I can't wait, dude. | ||
| You're gonna be there. | ||
| I can't wait. | ||
| Yeah, I just hope the card doesn't fall apart. | ||
| You know, cards fall apart. | ||
| It's so hard to get through a camp without getting injured. | ||
| Like, we're in danger of losing TJ Dillashaw versus Cody Garbrandt for the Bantamweight title. | ||
| Cody Garbrandt. | ||
| Cody Garbrandt right now is in Germany getting some shit done to his back. | ||
| He's getting Regenikine done on his back to deal with a bulging disc that's been bothering him. | ||
| After that last fight, I followed him on Twitter, Cody, and then he followed me back. | ||
| Oh, that's cool. | ||
| That's dope. | ||
| Such a strikingly handsome guy. | ||
| Very handsome. | ||
| Beautiful man. | ||
| Bad motherfucker, too. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Bad motherfucker. | ||
| Fuck, that was a great... | ||
| That was the best fighter that night. | ||
| Dominic Cruz? | ||
| Him and Dominic Cruz? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, not only that, but he's fighting a guy who was consensus top two or three pound-for-pound fighter in the world in Dominic Cruz, and he still lit him up. | ||
| Yeah, that's a big fight. | ||
| And the bravado. | ||
| Yeah, oh yeah. | ||
| Oh yeah, he was breakdancing and shit. | ||
| Improvising after he dropped him and knocked him down. | ||
| He was like posing. | ||
| Right. | ||
| He could have finished him, but he was too busy dancing. | ||
| I don't know about that. | ||
| I mean, if he thought he could have finished him, he would have tried to finish him. | ||
| He realized that Dom was hurt and stunned. | ||
| You want to humiliate him. | ||
| He wanted to fuck with his head. | ||
| Because Dominic Cruz's whole game, a big part of it was getting inside your head. | ||
| But he fucked with the wrong guy. | ||
| Because Cody grew up getting fucked with. | ||
| So you start fucking with him. | ||
| He's like, oh, I'm home here. | ||
| I like fucking with people. | ||
| Come on, fuck with me. | ||
| I'll fuck with you. | ||
| If you want to be... | ||
| Like, reasonable and respectful. | ||
| He'll be respectful. | ||
| Cody will be respectful. | ||
| But if you want to talk shit to him, oh, he's a black belt in talking shit. | ||
| So it's like Dominic Cruz just kind of bit off more than he could chew when it came to the shit-talking and really fired Cody up. | ||
| So when Cody dropped him and then started posing him, like, then Dominic has to kind of get it back, and he couldn't get it back, so he got kind of a little bit out of his, you know, his comfort level. | ||
| It's a fascinating aspect of fighting, the trash-talking and the mental warfare. | ||
| Damn. | ||
| There's a lot to it. | ||
| Don't ever do that, dude. | ||
| Don't ever let anybody talk you into doing that. | ||
| I know Johnny Knoxville, he did that boxing match with Butterbean. | ||
| That was so hard to watch. | ||
| It was terrible. | ||
| How bad was he fucked up after that fight? | ||
| That's not the worst for Knoxville. | ||
| What is he doing these days? | ||
| Right now he's filming a movie in South Africa based on a true story about an amusement park in New Jersey called Action Park. | ||
| Which was notoriously the most dangerous amusement park. | ||
| Lots of people died on their rides. | ||
| Everybody that worked there was intoxicated and fucked up while they were working. | ||
| And they called it Class Action Park. | ||
| And so he's making a comedy movie about the guy who ran that park. | ||
| And it's set in New Jersey, but they're filming it in South Africa. | ||
| They're filming a lot of shit in South Africa. | ||
| It's so cheap to film in South Africa. | ||
| So they're building a whole fucking thing. | ||
| Russell Peters just got back from South Africa. | ||
| He was filming a new show for Netflix called The Indian Detective. | ||
| And he's filming in South Africa, I think for the same reasons. | ||
| They just film a lot of stuff in South Africa now because of that? | ||
| So cheap there. | ||
| Really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I remember being there. | ||
| When we went out there for Wild Boys. | ||
| Is it dangerous? | ||
| Johannesburg is the carjacking capital of the world. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa! | |
| Which we thought was hilarious. | ||
| We were jacking off in cars the whole time. | ||
| The carjacking capital of the world. | ||
| I thought it was Camden, New Jersey. | ||
| Wasn't there like a movie on that? | ||
| Like Drive? | ||
| Wasn't there a movie about carjacking in Camden? | ||
| I feel like Camden, New Jersey... | ||
| But what do they say? | ||
| Cape Town is a first world city in a third world country, I think. | ||
| Oh, that makes sense. | ||
| And Johannesburg is more... | ||
| Johannesburg, I think, is a little gnarlier. | ||
| It's more kind of Lebanon kind of deal. | ||
| Oh, yeah? | ||
| I mean, I don't know. | ||
| That was the impression I got. | ||
| It was creepier. | ||
| I want to go to Africa, but I'm scared of malaria. | ||
| So funny, I used to dump out my malaria pills and fill up the bottle with Xanax. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| You weren't worried about malaria? | ||
| No, because the malaria pills give you terrible nightmares. | ||
| Yeah, I heard. | ||
| You get crazy hallucinations. | ||
| Yeah, I didn't like the experience of malaria pills. | ||
| What did it do for you? | ||
| Gave you nightmares? | ||
| Yeah, it gave me fucked up nightmares, if I remember right. | ||
| And I was like, oh, well, I can bring tons of pills and just put them in the wrong bottle. | ||
| And if you get malaria, then what? | ||
| Oh, I don't know. | ||
| That's another thing, man. | ||
| When I was a kid at the American School in London, like in eighth grade, we went on a field trip to Egypt. | ||
| And they told us, they said, don't fucking drink the water. | ||
| Even if you order a soda, don't let them give you ice cubes to pour because you'll get so sick from the water. | ||
| And we took it seriously. | ||
| But then we were eating outside this restaurant on the River Nile. | ||
| Here's this Egyptian dude and fucking watched him dunk a toothbrush in the River Nile. | ||
| He's sitting there brushing his teeth. | ||
| And I was thinking, well, if the fucking tap water is so bad, then what's the River Nile? | ||
| It's got to be insane. | ||
| But I remember when I was 13 and I thought, well, fuck, if that guy went to America, if that guy went to England, the toothbrush dude, he'd probably get sick drinking the water... | ||
| Where I live. | ||
| You know? | ||
| I mean, I don't know. | ||
| It's like whatever you're exposed to. | ||
| This guy's built up his immune system. | ||
| He can do that. | ||
| And I remember thinking, probably the best thing you could do would be to travel the whole world and drink fucking tap water like crazy everywhere you go. | ||
| That'd be the way to build up your immune system. | ||
| And then ultimately, that's what we did. | ||
| Wild Boys, we went to fucking every goddamn continent except Antarctica. | ||
| And I drank, the first thing I did, I'd put them from the airport, check in the hotel room, and I would put down my bag and I'd fucking... | ||
| Brush my teeth. | ||
| You know, you brush your teeth and you rinse it out and then you think, And I'd be able to put my head under the tap and just gulp, gulp, gulp, and drink a ton of tap water. | ||
| I did that all over Africa, fucking Asia, South America, everywhere. | ||
| I fucking drank tap water like a motherfucker. | ||
| Did you get sick? | ||
| I had a little bit of diarrhea in Kenya. | ||
| But I don't think that that was that big of a deal. | ||
| And I think that my theory was sound. | ||
| I like how you experiment on yourself. | ||
| It's not like you brought somebody with you. | ||
| Mike, drink the water. | ||
| Right. | ||
| No, dude. | ||
| That's why I don't understand germaphobes and shit like that. | ||
| Oh, that's crazy. | ||
| You live in an incubator. | ||
| That's how you get sick. | ||
| Like, I don't get nervous about shaking people's hands or any shit like that. | ||
| Fuck that. | ||
| That's keeping your immune system on its toes. | ||
| Yeah, no, over the course of a weekend, I'll shake hundreds of people's hands. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| You know, at a comedy show, especially if I have a meet and greet after the show, which I didn't do in Dallas this past weekend, but for people that are asking, I can't... | ||
| The size of that crowd was fucking unbelievable. | ||
| 6,000 people. | ||
| I can't do it. | ||
| Congratulations, Joe. | ||
| Thanks, man. | ||
| That was fucking cool. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| It was fun. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fucking awesome. | |
| I just saw this morning on your tour. | ||
| God, I'm jealous of your tour schedule to go like three days and then I'm home. | ||
| That's how I do it. | ||
| I can't do it. | ||
| I have kids. | ||
| I don't want to do it any other way. | ||
| I do two days out, come back. | ||
| Burt Kreischer's schedule? | ||
| Oh, he's crazy. | ||
| It's fucking hilarious. | ||
| Well, Burt Kreischer would go and do things on the road for months at a time. | ||
| Well, yeah. | ||
| I mean, not months at a time for the entire fucking year. | ||
| The guy's never home. | ||
| Well, for his television show, it was real bad. | ||
| But he's not doing that television show anymore, which I think is great because it allows him to concentrate on his stand-up, which is another thing. | ||
| That was kind of his honeypot, was his travel channel show, where it was kind of taken away from his stand-up. | ||
| But now his stand-up is blowing up because he's really focusing on it. | ||
| He's doing it a lot, touring a lot, and now people are getting a chance. | ||
| And it's tighter, too. | ||
| You see him on stage, it's fucking super tight because he's performing a lot. | ||
| Whereas he would go a long time without performing because he'd be... | ||
| Doing all this crazy shit on the road, which he enjoyed. | ||
| I love him too. | ||
| I did his podcast and we had a blast and he really encouraged me. | ||
| He's like, man, go to the store, go to the store. | ||
| I've been going to the store a lot and he encouraged me to do that. | ||
| That's awesome. | ||
| I just think it's funny how you say that His stand-up suffered because of the Travel Channel show, but now he's on the road every day out of the year. | ||
| It's like, where does his family fit in? | ||
| Well, he's not really. | ||
| I mean, he's home during the weekdays a lot. | ||
| It's weekends. | ||
| Well, yeah, but he's on the comedy club grind, so that means you... | ||
| But that's at night. | ||
| The way it works with me, my kids are asleep by the time I leave the house. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Because my sets at the comedy store are always like 10, 15. I put my kids to bed at 8, and then I'll go over my material real quick and head out the door. | ||
| And then, you know, it's like I have another life. | ||
| You know, I have a nighttime life. | ||
| It's it's doable. | ||
| It's doable, but the travel's a fucking grind, man. | ||
| It's so gnarly. | ||
| It's so bad for your body. | ||
| I'm not touring as much as I did the last few years. | ||
| Now I'm like week on week off, you know? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Week on week off is a way to do it. | ||
| Two weekends out of the month is enough. | ||
| It's more than enough. | ||
| Because like if I come home like yesterday, I was wrecked when I come home. | ||
| Just for the weekend of traveling and then the flight. | ||
| And it's not a fucking long flight. | ||
| Dallas is only like two and a half hours or something. | ||
| It's nothing. | ||
| But you get home and you're like, ugh. | ||
| It's so dragging. | ||
| But what you've got to do is work out. | ||
| That's the key. | ||
| When you get home from something like that, go on a hike, do something to get your metabolism pumped up, and then you'll feel normal. | ||
| But it's the only way to feel normal. | ||
| If you feel jet-lagged, a lot of people just like to lay around and do nothing. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You can't do that. | ||
| You've got to kick-start your body. | ||
| You've just got to blow out all the carbon. | ||
| Yeah, you can meditate too, man. | ||
| That'll help too. | ||
| That'll help too. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Don't worry about people fucking with you, Steve-O. I know, dude. | |
| Thanks for setting me straight like that. | ||
| No problem, man. | ||
| Now I find myself and say, why the fuck did I talk about hookers so much? | ||
| You didn't. | ||
| I know. | ||
| I mean, whatever. | ||
| The hooker stories were so fucking ancient. | ||
| I don't even care. | ||
| It's just that I have a girlfriend now. | ||
| And, you know, I'm really... | ||
| She's just a wonderful, wonderful person. | ||
| And I'd hate for... | ||
| Hard to feel bad. | ||
| I'd hate for her to be negatively impacted. | ||
| I'm not saying anything. | ||
| Who cares? | ||
| I'll go and tell her, hey, I told some old hooker stories. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know, like, who cares? | ||
| You're just sensitive. | ||
| But then, yeah... | ||
| Same reason why you like to snuggle. | ||
| You're a good guy. | ||
| I really want to be good to my girl, you know? | ||
| And I really... | ||
| Care about being good to my girls. | ||
| So that's kind of in my head. | ||
| And then I'm like, why the fuck? | ||
| I'm like, I don't want to lynch Al Madrigal, but then kind of fucking... | ||
| I mean, I told the story objectively of what happened. | ||
| And I do want to... | ||
| I just want to say, don't fucking be a dick to Al Madrigal. | ||
| He's a good guy. | ||
| He gets in his own way with that stuff. | ||
| He gets in his own way, but God, he's a fucking talented guy. | ||
| Watch his special. | ||
| He's a great guy. | ||
| Give him love. | ||
| And... | ||
| Al and I have been friends since he first started doing stand-up. | ||
| I worked with him in the late 90s at Cobbs in San Francisco. | ||
| If anybody's listening and they're like, you know, maybe just throw Al a tweet and say, hey, fucking Steve-O fucking sends his love. | ||
| I really do. | ||
| I genuinely fucking do. | ||
| Good for you, dude. | ||
| Good for you. | ||
| Where can people see you if they want to go see you? | ||
| Shit, my next gig is in Salt Lake City Wiseguys. | ||
| Oh, that's a great club. | ||
| Dude, it's going to be my sixth time there. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| If I'm in the one of the Green Valley, is it called? | ||
| I don't know which one. | ||
| I'm in one of them too. | ||
| I don't know which one I'm at either. | ||
| I'm there in July. | ||
| Salt Lake City. | ||
| I love that fucking... | ||
| Salt Lake City is a great fucking place. | ||
| People have it all goofy in their head. | ||
| Salt Lake City. | ||
| Well, they have it in their head that Salt Lake City is like stuck up Mormons, but the people that come out to the comedy clubs are the people that are tired of the Mormons. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| They're fun. | ||
| Or the people that are Mormons that could take a joke. | ||
| I've done so phenomenally well there. | ||
| I really think I've been there five times, and I think I'm going back for my sixth time. | ||
| Joey Diaz was the first person to tell me, he's like, Joe Rogan, you gotta get down that fucking Salt Lake City. | ||
| He goes, those motherfuckers are starving. | ||
| They're starving for comedy. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| Yeah, that's awesome. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| And what the fuck else? | ||
| After that, I'm not even... | ||
| I can't. | ||
| Everything's at Steve-O.com. | ||
| Steve-O.com. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm excited I'm filming a cameo for this movie on Netflix called Game Over, man. | ||
| What is it? | ||
| I don't know, but I think Seth Rogen producing it. | ||
| Oh, cool. | ||
| It's a Netflix original movie. | ||
| Isn't it interesting that Netflix is doing all these original movies now, too? | ||
| Like, you keep seeing all these original movies. | ||
| What the fuck are they coming up? | ||
| I was talking to Bill Burr about how they're giving away so much millions of dollars to comedians for... | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's great. | |
| Bill Burr was cracking up. | ||
| He's like, what a good time to get into comedy. | ||
| Yeah, it is. | ||
| It's a very good time. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| All right. | ||
| Well, thanks, brother. | ||
| Thanks for another fun podcast. | ||
| Great time. | ||
| I appreciate you greatly. | ||
| I appreciate you too, brother. | ||
| Well, fucking thank you, dude. | ||
| Alright, we'll be back tomorrow with Graham Hancock, Michael Shermer, and Randall Carlson. | ||
| It's the big epic debate about asteroidal impacts and the end of the Ice Age and all that crazy shit. | ||
| It should be a lot of fun. | ||
| That's tomorrow, 1.30pm Pacific. | ||
| See ya! |
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