Feb. 17, 2017 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:38:44
Participants
| 
| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
|
unidentified
|
*Sigh* Shhh, you guys hear that? | |
| You hear that shit? | ||
| That's the rain. | ||
| That's how hard it's raining here. | ||
| All these pussies telling you, don't, don't, don't mow your lawn. | ||
| Don't, don't water the lawn. | ||
| Don't fill the pool. | ||
| We're running out of water. | ||
| We're running out of water here in California. | ||
| Not anymore, motherfucker. | ||
| They're evacuating people, Jamie. | ||
| What did it say on your phone? | ||
| I figured. | ||
| Evacuate! | ||
| Sacramento's fucked! | ||
| The dam is blowing, Frank Castillo! | ||
| The dam! | ||
| I usually don't introduce guests, but this gentleman across me here is... | ||
| I'm really proud of you. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| Frank Castillo... | ||
| If you go to his Instagram page, let me just tell everybody, he just won Roast Battle on Comedy Central, which, with stand-up comedians, that's a huge deal. | ||
| I mean, that is, that's a big deal. | ||
| That show's a big deal. | ||
| It's a big deal for comedy, but it's a big deal you won. | ||
| And if you go to your Instagram page, dude, it's so inspirational. | ||
| You do the shittiest fucking shows. | ||
| You're out there doing bowling alleys, you're out there doing like bars with three people in them, and you're doing three, four, a night. | ||
| You're just always hammering it. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| And then to see you do that, and to see you working at the store, like many other people before, like Like Duncan's done, like Ari's done, like Renizzisi's done, like so many people have gone from working at the store. | ||
| Bobby Lee, I think, worked at the store? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yep. | |
| So many people have gone from working at the store to making it as a comic. | ||
| So to see you go from working at the store, grinding every night, and then winning roast battle, show these motherfuckers the trophy here. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Dude. | |
| It's fucking heavy. | ||
| That's legit as fuck. | ||
| Damn. | ||
| Now I get why they don't want people to hand those out. | ||
| Like, the second I got it, I was like, I get why they... | ||
| I get it now. | ||
| They shouldn't just hand these out to kids. | ||
| It's so powerful. | ||
| Yeah, you can't just give a kid a trophy for nothing. | ||
| You gotta win. | ||
| You gotta win. | ||
| You gotta do it. | ||
| And this show, Roast Battle, is one of the reasons why I came back to the Comedy Store. | ||
| When I went to see... | ||
| Ari was doing his special. | ||
| And he had decided to film his first Comedy Central special at the store. | ||
| And I hadn't been in the store in seven years. | ||
| I hadn't even stepped foot inside the place. | ||
| And I was like, well, there's no way I'm missing this. | ||
| So I had to bite the bullet. | ||
| I had to go in there. | ||
| And I said, let me just go the night before. | ||
| And Jeff Ross asked me to be one of the judges at Roast Battle. | ||
| And so I was sitting up there and I was going, wow, this is crazy. | ||
| This is a totally different thing. | ||
| Like this was never here seven years ago. | ||
| There was nothing, anything like it. | ||
| It was like really creative writing, really like nasty jokes, but then everybody's hugging afterwards. | ||
| You know, like that's One of the rules is after you do it, you gotta hug it out. | ||
| It was fucking great! | ||
| And I was like, creatively, this is so inspiring, and there's so much life to it. | ||
| That, and then Ari Special, I said, fuck it, I'm back. | ||
| It's a crazy thing, man. | ||
| I mean, also just having you show up and just be a part of that, that was one of those things where everyone knew, like all the younger comics, all the open micers, because it started as an open mic, so when we saw you come in, everyone was just like, oh, this is different. | ||
| That's when everyone kind of was like, oh, things are changing. | ||
| Yeah, man, things have changed since then at the store. | ||
| The store's a crazy place now. | ||
| It's insane. | ||
| Like, I've been there, I started there in 94. And it was kind of like there's something that happened before I got there, like a bomb had gone off. | ||
| And like, these are the survivors that just moved back to the city. | ||
| It was weird. | ||
| It was like the age of Kinnison had died, you know, and then there was really no one after him. | ||
| So, like, I came in the early 90s and Kinison was like 80, you know, like, the early 80s to like 86, 88, and then I believe he died in like, what did he die in like 1992 or something like that? | ||
| He'd already left the store. | ||
| And when I got there, it was all these weird road comics that were like Bodaks. | ||
| Bodaks. | ||
| Bodaks. | ||
| You know what a Bodak is? | ||
| No. | ||
| Someone who does a lot of cruise ships. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| No disrespect to anybody who does cruise ships. | ||
| I know there's a lot of comics who really do love doing cruise ships, and they're really funny comics. | ||
| That's not what I mean. | ||
| But what I mean is there was certain people that didn't work. | ||
| Anywhere else but really shitty gigs. | ||
| And there was a lot of them at the store. | ||
| And I was like, this is so weird. | ||
| I thought it was going to be like Richard Pryor and Louis Anderson. | ||
| I thought it was just going to be killer after killer after killer. | ||
| It wasn't like that. | ||
| But it is now. | ||
| This is the time it is. | ||
| Some of those lineups are the absolute craziest. | ||
| Dude, it's ridiculous. | ||
| Chris D'Elia, Bill Burr, you're like, what? | ||
| Over and over again. | ||
| Killer after killer after killer. | ||
| Moshe Kasher, Joey Diaz. | ||
| What the fuck, man? | ||
| Tasha Lazaro, all those guys going up. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| Andrew Santino. | ||
| Boom, boom, boom. | ||
| It's like killer after killer. | ||
| Young killers, older killers. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| Ron White is there now. | ||
| Just walking around. | ||
| It's actually insane. | ||
| Ron White's hanging with us in that back bar. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| The elder statesman of stand-up comedy. | ||
| I remember when Ron White came into a casino I was working at. | ||
| It was before I moved to Los Angeles for anything. | ||
| I was just working in a bar and he was doing a show there. | ||
| And I remember I was just like, oh my God, I can't believe it's Ron White. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| And I talked to him. | ||
| And then now it's just so crazy to be at the comedy store, sitting in the back, smoking a joint, just talking to him about comedy. | ||
| Dude. | ||
| And you know what? | ||
| We started doing the factory again, too. | ||
| We did the factory last week. | ||
| And we're going to do it again next week. | ||
| We're going to do the factory on Wednesday nights every other Wednesday. | ||
| Oh, that's amazing. | ||
| At 10 o'clock. | ||
| Yeah, man, because the factory was struggling. | ||
| And we were like, the Laugh Factory is a good club. | ||
| It's just, you know, it had a lot of weirdness in the past that was connected to it. | ||
| And the store was always that place to go to. | ||
| So I think it's important when we see these clubs that we're really lucky to have, that we support them all. | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| Keep them going. | ||
| It's because it's guys like you, these guys that are coming up, you're going to be in the same position that we're in someday, where you're capable of organizing a night and filling up a room, and then it pumps up the business, and then guys like you get in. | ||
| Like when we did the Ice House Wednesday night. | ||
| Guys like you get in, and then you'll be in that same position someday, too. | ||
| It's fucking cool to watch, man. | ||
| It's absolutely just insane to be a part of, you know what I mean? | ||
| I got to host when we were at the Laugh Factory that Wednesday, and that was bananas because it was just like meeting the booker and the manager and all these people. | ||
| And again, sick lineup. | ||
| Yeah, and it's just crazy. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| I know. | ||
| You're getting in. | ||
| You're like at the door. | ||
| I remember those days, man. | ||
| I was never in a position like you're in, though. | ||
| Your position is better than my position when I was in your stages of stand-up, because you got into something through stand-up. | ||
| I got into something through a sitcom. | ||
| A sitcom is okay, but it's not the same. | ||
| The stand-up route is the best route. | ||
| It's really odd, too, because of just how many people have seen the roast battle. | ||
| Just the finals, I almost feel naive because I didn't realize how many people were there. | ||
| It was like winning the combine, the NFL combine, but for comedy. | ||
| It was, dude. | ||
| It was a big deal. | ||
| It was a big deal. | ||
| It was like, guys at the store and girls, I shouldn't be sexist, guys at the girls and girls at the store, we were following it like a sports team. | ||
| We were following it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, it was crazy. | ||
| I was like, who's in the lead? | ||
| Who's winning? | ||
| Where's he at? | ||
| You know? | ||
| Yeah, and just the vibe in the room was absolutely crazy. | ||
| Just like hearing this. | ||
| It was like a sporting event. | ||
| It was nuts. | ||
| Dude, when I showed up at the store after you'd won, it was like we were Super Bowl champs. | ||
| It's crazy! | ||
| People were crying. | ||
| But also, me winning was such a weird thing, because it was like, especially the LA comedy community, I don't want to say open micers, it's a terrible term, but it's like, I'm still an open micer. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| I still hit open mics. | ||
| I'm still a comic that does these things. | ||
| So it's like, when I won, I'd see all these guys that I would see at these open mics, and it was like, we won. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Because it's like they see me at all these spots. | ||
| They know me as the guy that's always working at the store, that's always doing something. | ||
| So it was like a weird sense of pride. | ||
| It was like your home team winning. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| But also it shows you that you can do it. | ||
| Like they're you. | ||
| You're them. | ||
| You guys are all working together. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You're all doing those open mics together. | ||
| They know there's nothing like, you didn't get some Willy Wonka golden ticket and somebody let you in. | ||
| No, you just hammered it out, man. | ||
| You kept doing it. | ||
| Your Instagram page is the shit, man. | ||
| I really do draw inspiration from it. | ||
| I love seeing, and I know you're funny, too, which helps. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| Because there's certain people that I look at and I go, well, this guy or this girl, all they have to do is not fuck this up. | ||
| They're funny. | ||
| Like, you got it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And it's like, it's very important to tell those people that, too. | ||
| Like, tell them, you can do, because I remember people saying that to me. | ||
| And it was a huge, like, Marc Maron gave me a speech one day after I did a show at the The Comedy Connection in Boston, which was a little tiny room, and he said some cool shit to me after my set, and I was just a raw open-miker. | ||
| Like, way rower even than you. | ||
| I was like, how long have you been doing it now? | ||
| Started when I was 21, so I'd say about 27 now, so six years. | ||
| But, like, seriously for four, which is, like, the pace that I've been doing it, where I'm, like, hitting mics, trying to go on shows. | ||
| I'm really taking it seriously. | ||
| Is it harder to get cracking in L.A., do you think, because there's so much comedy here? | ||
| I don't think it's hard to get cracking. | ||
| I think it's tougher, definitely. | ||
| But I think if you're willing to work hard, because you're surrounded by... | ||
| This is something my manager told me right before I moved. | ||
| Because I was supposed to get a job, and then I didn't, and I was really bitter, and I wanted to move to Los Angeles. | ||
| And he said, you can move now and find out you're the shit, and things are going to go great. | ||
| Or you can move now and find out you're not the shit, and then work really hard, and then get really good. | ||
| And that's what I did. | ||
| Damn, you got a good manager. | ||
| That's good, solid manager advice. | ||
| I mean, he was a restaurant manager, but I mean, it was great advice. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| So he doesn't have anything to do with comedy? | ||
| No, he was just a manager. | ||
| Call that dude. | ||
| Tell him to start an agency. | ||
| That's why it was so logical. | ||
| That's why what he said was so logical. | ||
| You never hear that from fucking stand-up comedy managers. | ||
| They give people the worst advice. | ||
| But that's what I did. | ||
| We moved here and then it was like, you know, people were like, oh, there's no time in Los Angeles. | ||
| Like, no, there's time if you're willing to make it. | ||
| Like, I will drive to a mic, sign up, drive to another mic, sign up, drive back to that first mic, hit a spot, text someone that's running a show or a host that I know is going to just toss me up at the end so I know I could go to that mic in two and a half hours while I'm waiting for this other mic. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| So it's like, it's just, like, how much are you willing to pay for gas? | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Like, it's really you're investing in yourself. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, you're definitely investing in yourself, but you're growing in some weird way. | ||
| The more sets you do, your act just kind of grows. | ||
| Sometimes I've done the hat trick at the store where you do the main room, the belly room, and then the OR or whatever order. | ||
| By the time you get to that third show, dude, you're on fire. | ||
| You're just ready to have fun. | ||
| You just warmed up. | ||
| Tucked and in the groove and that's where a lot of times new ideas come from because you're so comfortable on stage Like maybe you're working on a new bit and out of nowhere this new angle comes up and it's the best angle the bit It's because it's just something you said. | ||
| Yeah, like offhand. | ||
| It's also something super satisfying It's about seeing someone work hard and become successful. | ||
| I'd love seeing people succeed. | ||
| Yeah Like in seeing someone work hard and then it actually working. | ||
| And then you see all these people that come up with excuses, and they're always fucking off, and they're not traveling enough, they're not doing enough sets, they're not writing enough, they're sticking with the same old material for too long. | ||
| Come on, man. | ||
| And now it's different, because it's like, I'm in a weird position where it's like, most people win something like that, and then they'll tear off their hour or something, and it's like, me, I'm just a, you know, I'm a door guy, so I've got like 15, maybe 20 good minutes, but now's the opportunity for me, like people ask me to headline somewhere, like some random club, I was like, I'm not gonna do that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ha ha! | |
| Like, I'll do 20-minute sets for the next year and a half to build that hour because I just want to be a good comic. | ||
| Well, you definitely have to get frantic now about creating new material. | ||
| And that's something about those really short sets. | ||
| Like, a lot of times open mics, they give you three minutes. | ||
| You know, what do you get? | ||
| Three, sometimes five? | ||
| Three, sometimes four. | ||
| Some people give me a little bit longer just because, you know. | ||
| Yeah, but that's it's hard to come up like that for me. | ||
| That's like the setup for a bit sometimes You know like you're just getting you're you're just getting the whole Sort of landscape laid out before you go into a bit Kinison used to say that that was a big thing about Kinison not liking to do late-night shows He's just like I can't get cooking in five minutes. | ||
| Yeah, you know because he was used to doing those He would take the late spot at the store where he would just go as long as he wanted he would have that last spot The Kinnison spot. | ||
| Yeah, I mean that's what we call it today. | ||
| We call it the Kinnison spot. | ||
| I've never done it. | ||
| Maybe I've done it like two or three times, but I mean I haven't done it in like recent years at all. | ||
| I got to do one super late spot. | ||
| It was the first time I worked a potluck and usually at the rules of The store, once you first get hired, you don't get on friends and family list for a few months. | ||
| It's something you have to earn. | ||
| That's when I was working there. | ||
| So it was like for the first four months, you didn't get any spots. | ||
| You had to keep working there and then eventually they toss you on potluck. | ||
| And then if you're good enough, they'll put you on the name or you put your name on the list so you have to get up. | ||
| So it was my first night working potluck. | ||
| It's 1.30 in the morning and the host is about to finish the show. | ||
| And I'm talking to one of the guys. | ||
| I'm like, hey, I just got hired here. | ||
| I haven't gotten up. | ||
| There's still two people here. | ||
| There's no paid regulars. | ||
| Can I just go up at the end and do like three or five minutes? | ||
| And the managers looked at me and was like, whatever, go ahead. | ||
| And then, yeah, I got to go up three minutes, did like potluck at 1.30 in the morning in front of two people. | ||
| And that was like the most funnest I've ever had. | ||
| Well, you're realizing, like, holy shit, I'm on stage at the Comedy Store. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Just that alone. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm actually behind a mic in front of an audience at the Comedy Store. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah. | |
| Where everyone else has been that's been following these exact same footsteps. | ||
| Yeah, you know, this is a conversation that I had the other day with another comedian. | ||
| We were talking about how there's certain actors... | ||
| Especially, I think, actors who will treat people that are like what they call below the line, like producers and people who are extras and people who are, you know, they're not caterers, things like that. | ||
| They're not the executives and they're not the big top people and the other actors. | ||
| So they treat them one way and then the rest of the folks that work on the set a different way. | ||
| Like those people are not equal. | ||
| They're like below the line. | ||
| And we were talking about how with stand-up, Everybody at the store is pretty much, like once you start working there, once people like you and you're cool, we're all the same thing. | ||
| Whether it's Daniel Tosh or Bill Burr, they'll talk to you like everybody talks to you. | ||
| Everybody's the same. | ||
| Because we all know that we are that person. | ||
| Everybody working the door that has dreams to become a stand-up is like me when I was delivering newspapers or driving limos. | ||
| It's the same thing. | ||
| We're all the same thing. | ||
| It's absolutely crazy, too, because, like, I mean, working at the store, I mean, you put a great point. | ||
| Like, there's definitely a moment where headliners start taking you seriously and then treat you like a peer. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And that is an awesome moment and just, like, it's interesting right when it happens. | ||
| Like, I remember when, like... | ||
| You know, you first started talking to me, or, like, Jesselnik, or, like, Jeff Ross first, like, gave me attention just to, like, talk, and, like, I could hold their attention, like, we, like, it felt like we were peers, and that's just an insane feeling to have as a young comic for the first time. | ||
| Well, that's part of the scary thing about, I think it was probably any endeavor. | ||
| Whether you want to become an artist or a surgeon or whatever the fuck you want to become, if you have people that you see that are ahead of you that are already doing it, it seems like the barrier between you and them is insurmountable. | ||
| And sometimes just someone saying something to you, just someone saying, look, everybody starts out as a beginner. | ||
| There's no instant experts. | ||
| No. | ||
| You start out as a beginner, you don't know what the fuck you're doing, and then eventually you figure it out. | ||
| So everyone you see that is up there, that's you. | ||
| We're all the same thing. | ||
| And the people that are further ahead, you kind of have an obligation to go, hey, if you like the art form, and I love the art form, I think stand-up comedy is still my favorite thing to watch after all these years of doing it. | ||
| You want more people to succeed. | ||
| I think there's a greed thing that some folks possess where they only want to shine. | ||
| They want to be the only person who shines. | ||
| So they see these people coming up. | ||
| They're like, fuck them. | ||
| I'm going to keep these fuckers down. | ||
| Kiss my boot, motherfucker. | ||
| There's some of that where they're trying to kick you as you're trying to climb up behind them. | ||
| I've experienced that a few times, but my mom always told me, and my dad too, my mom always said, it was one of those things where it was like, you treat everyone the way you want to be treated. | ||
| And also, you also got to remember, it's like, you have to be nice to everybody, because you never know who's going to be who. | ||
| Yeah, well, you should just be nice because it feels good, too. | ||
| Feels good to them, feels good to you. | ||
| When I go on open mics, I always make sure to tag all the guys running the mics. | ||
| I always make sure to say thank you and stuff because I'm not the only one. | ||
| And you always got to try to take care of other people and bring them up. | ||
| Yeah, and that cool little network of social media, you know, of tagging people's Instagrams and, you know, letting people know, like, hey, the ha-ha on Tuesday nights, great show. | ||
| Like, all that stuff helps. | ||
| Helps everybody. | ||
| Helps the community. | ||
| It helps people who are comedy fans. | ||
| Like, if you're a comedy nerd, holy shit, what a good town to live in. | ||
| Oh, absolutely. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| And you see a lot of them. | ||
| You see them, like, come to the store. | ||
| And sometimes it's, like, unnerving because you know they've seen your act and you're working on these new bits. | ||
| Like, oh, bitch, you've already seen this bit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You feel like such a fraud. | ||
| That's how I feel every time I go up at the Roast Battle. | ||
| Because I get to go up every Tuesday at the Roast Battle. | ||
| And then before it was just, like, audiences who kind of, like, have seen the Roast Battle, so the fans of it. | ||
| But now it's, like, this is the first week where people came to see me. | ||
| Like, they were just like, oh, my God, we know who you are. | ||
| And Moses, who runs the show, and Coach T both just, they were like, you're... | ||
| You're here to see Frank? | ||
| It was like a black couple too. | ||
| They're like, black people like Frank? | ||
| This is crazy! | ||
| But it was just nice. | ||
| And so, but now it's like there's a pressure every Tuesday for me to do something new, to write something new. | ||
| Yeah, you gotta ramp it up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, but you're still working at the store too. | ||
| I saw pictures of you sweeping up after a roast battle. | ||
| Yeah, that's a great feeling too. | ||
| I had to put in my two weeks, sort of, like my almost two weeks. | ||
| We'll get you up there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, I had to tell my boss, I was like, listen, I was like, I love working here, but I'm just getting too busy at nights. | ||
| Like, I can only work phones. | ||
| And then I was like, so I gotta go do, you know, stand-up stuff. | ||
| And they were super cool. | ||
| They're like, that's great. | ||
| We're really happy for you. | ||
| And that just shows that the system's working at the store. | ||
| It's the only place that I know of that really has that system, where the employees are all comics. | ||
| They're all so, it's so weird. | ||
| It's a fun place to work because of that. | ||
| It's the best, man. | ||
| I mean, in that picture, too, it's one of those things where someone called me and was like, can you work phones? | ||
| And I was like, yeah, I'll work phones. | ||
| So I worked phones, and then I sat in the main room because someone was out of town, so I sat the shift. | ||
| And then I had to help with the roast battle because I do that anyways. | ||
| It's just part of my job. | ||
| So it was like I did all these things, and then I got to do a set, and then I got to... | ||
| Judge the roast battle and toss jokes out. | ||
| Because when I judge, I mostly just write jokes so I can just say funny things while I'm... | ||
| And then I let everyone else do the critiques and stuff. | ||
| It's also like, who am I? But it's just an opportunity for me to shine and make funny jokes at the people battling. | ||
| But, I mean, it's all just in today's work, you know? | ||
| It's all just work. | ||
| Well, that's the thing about that roast battle show that's really interesting is that it's really a joke writer showcase because everything has to be new. | ||
| You can't use stock jokes, and you're essentially given an assignment. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You know, like, hey, Frank Castillo, this is, you know, Bob Smith, and, you know, you gotta figure out what's fucked up about Bob Smith's head. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That one joke you said about that dude, what was it, his forehead? | |
| Oh, Joe's forehead, uh, Joe's forehead's, Joe's forehead looks like it added a second story on it, so there'd be more room to think about dicks. | ||
| That kind of shit, you know, because the dude did have a large forehead. | ||
| But, like, that's something that you have to think up about that person. | ||
| And if you make a regular forehead joke, it's not gonna be, like, it's like, oh, okay, cool, he's got a big forehead, whatever. | ||
| But if you make it and add layers to it, it's more funny. | ||
| Yeah, and it really is a set-up punchline format. | ||
| I mean, it's a really funny format because it's a blah-blah-blah is so blah-blah-blah. | ||
| You know, you can't, there's no ranting. | ||
| There's no, you really, you can't go on rants also because you're really only supposed to be allowed one line. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Like, sometimes people cheat and they'll throw like two and three in. | ||
| Well, that's the cool thing about it. | ||
| It's almost like boxing. | ||
| That's the beauty of the roast battle show. | ||
| It's not only writing, it's also performance. | ||
| Especially in the finals, you can see where I do some crazy shit. | ||
| That's something I learned from Mike Lawrence in Season 1. Mike Lawrence, Season 1, he was one of the only guys to start the thank you, blah, blah, blah, and then go into the joke. | ||
| And then hit him again. | ||
| So it's fitting a rebuttal into your setup. | ||
| And then this season, I did something new where it was like, I knew that if people hit me with the looks-like joke, they were going to stop and wait for the laughter and then do the rest of their joke. | ||
| So in my mind, I was like, if I hit them quick with a better looks-like joke, it'll take the momentum out of that last joke, and now it just depends on this joke to create the momentum. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| So it's like you're playing chess up there. | ||
| Yeah, it's like boxing. | ||
| Like, those looks-like jokes are just quick jabs, and then your big, big jokes are your fucking haymakers. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yeah, there's some mean shit that gets said, too. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Like some soul-searing shit. | ||
| Like, you'll survive, but you will be scarred. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| You know, some people are really brutal, but fucking hilarious, too. | ||
| It's a weird art form. | ||
| It's a totally different thing. | ||
| You know, like, this whole roast battle thing is a totally different thing to regular stand-up, but regular stand-up is in it. | ||
| Oh, yeah, because you still have to like perform. | ||
| That's why like that last battle with me and Brouchard was so good because Brouchard is one of the funniest dudes I know. | ||
| He's a great writer, super cool dude, and an amazing rose battler. | ||
| But it's like when you're in that situation and there's just so much pressure because it's like you're getting made fun of, you have to memorize these jokes because they had us memorize the two guys we, the guy we're going against and the two possible winners of the other bracket. | ||
| Oh, and how much time did you have to write these bits? | ||
| So it was, I think, five days? | ||
| Five days you had to write five jokes, four jokes to the first guy, one possible over time, and then the finals was five jokes, one possible over time. | ||
| So six jokes. | ||
| So total you're writing 18, 20 jokes, not including your looks like or your quick rebuttals. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| That's a lot of work. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And are you taking, like, these five out of a pile of, like, 20 or 30? | ||
| Like, how many jokes are you actually writing before you narrow it down? | ||
| Well, usually, if it's, like, for the TV thing, like, it was, uh, they let us, like, I had my cut man, which is, like, my boy Dan Nolan. | ||
| He helps me with strategy. | ||
| Oh, yeah, yeah. | ||
| That's what they did season one, too. | ||
| Well, that's what they want to do, because it's like, in the finals, they want it to be a great show. | ||
| So for me, it wasn't like he was writing me jokes. | ||
| It was like, we both sat down, and I wrote a bunch of premises and a bunch of angles, and we talked strategy. | ||
| And then we went from there, because it was like, if I'm going to make fun of Joe, I can't just be making so many gay jokes, because I'm going to get dinged for that. | ||
| But it's like, that's such a big characteristic of how he is and how he walks and just how he holds himself, that it's like, you can't not make jokes about that. | ||
| So it was like, if I make jokes about it, I have to be Silly, and it has to come from a childlike ignorance. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| So I can't call him a faggot or something super mean or anything. | ||
| But I could say he loves butt stuff. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| That's just funny and childlike. | ||
| I see what you're saying. | ||
| Yeah, like there's a tone that you have to set where you can't be too mean, even while you're saying really mean shit. | ||
| Exactly, because you can lose the crowd. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But if you can gain their trust to the point where you've said so many silly, funny things, that's where, at the end, you can really earn saying something terrible, as long as it's funny. | ||
| Now, is it weird to be doing these roast battles where you're writing all this new stuff every week, but then when you're doing stand-up, you're doing a lot of stuff that you've already done before? | ||
| Yeah, it is weird in the sense that it's like, it's making me realize that the different, like, that I can just, I can create new material. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Because especially in not high pressure situations, but it's like, if I give, if I have a goal or a set, a set time, like, I can write new material. | ||
| And now what I'm realizing is like, I can just do that with my standup. | ||
| If I can do that with Rose Battle, where I sit down and write all these jokes, I can do that with writing packets. | ||
| I can do that with my standup. | ||
| And it's just getting up and just doing it. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Where's that book? | ||
|
unidentified
|
To the heart? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Is it back here? | ||
| To your left a minute. | ||
| Dude, this book is the shit. | ||
| People are getting mad at me now for suggesting this book so much. | ||
| But it's called The War of Arts by this guy Steven Pressfield. | ||
| And it's essentially about overcoming what he calls resistance, what most people call procrastination. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| You know, that overcoming this whatever it is that keeps you from actually putting in the work. | ||
| Oh, yeah, absolutely. | ||
| Yeah, and he talks about it and he sort of identifies it and then gives you tools to deal with it and explains how it affected him. | ||
| He was essentially just not doing well at all in his life till he was about 40. And then at 40, he kind of got his shit together and now he's just an award-winning author. | ||
| Written a bunch of great movies and a bunch of great books. | ||
| It's just very inspirational stuff. | ||
| But that's what I was kind of getting at. | ||
| It's like I think that now that you're in this new spot where everybody knows who you are, you won the roast battle, you got all this heat on you, it's like super important now to take all that writing to the next level. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Absolutely. | |
| Like, I mean, I thought it was busy now, or before just grinding and writing these jokes. | ||
| Now it's like... | ||
| I walked into Levity and the manager knew me. | ||
| Everyone kind of knows who I am, in a sense. | ||
| Not that I'm like, oh, I'm famous. | ||
| They just know that I did this thing. | ||
| Well, there's a window. | ||
| Yeah, yes. | ||
| You've got to jump through that window. | ||
| Because some people miss that window, and it's weird. | ||
| You'll run into guys that were on Last Comic Standing a long time ago, and they had a window where things were happening for them. | ||
| And then... | ||
| It blew away, and they never capitalized. | ||
| They never jumped through it. | ||
| And there's some guys like Ralphie Mae who jumped through it running. | ||
| Ralphie Mae probably worked harder than anybody after that show. | ||
| He was cranking out DVDs, touring everywhere. | ||
| And he capitalized phenomenally on his time on the show. | ||
| But other people just did not. | ||
| They just never really got it cooking. | ||
| You're in a great spot right now. | ||
| Yeah, and that's, for me, it's like, I don't plan on stopping. | ||
| Like, I want to do as many sets as I can. | ||
| I'll do it. | ||
| I'll still do someone's quinceañera for 20 bucks. | ||
| Like, I'll do... | ||
| Will you really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
For 20? | |
| Oh, yeah, man. | ||
| Get ready. | ||
| I'll do whatever, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's just... | |
| People are going to have a fake quinceañera just to have you over. | ||
| Get him for 20 bucks, man. | ||
| Guy won roast battle. | ||
| There's no Mexicans here. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, but it's just like, I mean, I just want to do stand-up. | ||
| That's my favorite thing. | ||
| Especially, like, I do, it does suck that I'm not going to be at the store as much working there, because that was one of my favorite things, was just sitting, working the door, and just watching all the comics go up. | ||
| Because I really believe the store is a comedy college. | ||
| Yeah, no, it definitely is, but you graduated from high school and now you're moving on into university life. | ||
| Oh, it's insane, man. | ||
| Yeah, it's cool. | ||
| It's really cool. | ||
| This store right now, I think, is a wonderful place for you to come back to when you're doing other shows and then start doing shows there as a paid regular, you know, once you showcase and get through. | ||
| I showcased once, and I can't wait to showcase again, but I think we were talking about this earlier. | ||
| A lot of people come up to me and ask me, are you going to be a paid regular? | ||
| It's one of those things where it's like, I want to, but I want it when I feel I've earned it and I deserve it. | ||
| I want to get it just because of something. | ||
| Yeah, dude, the funny shit that you wrote on Roast Battle, you could do that all day. | ||
| You could do that all day. | ||
| You could just, like, pick subjects. | ||
| You know, like Roast Trump. | ||
| Did you see that new thing that came out today? | ||
| I mean, not yesterday, that crazy rant that he went on? | ||
| That press conference for an hour and a half? | ||
| Dude, people that are friends of mine, that are conservatives, are scared. | ||
| Like, I have some buddies of mine that were like, dude, this ain't good. | ||
| Like, he seems unstable. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| He's going crazy. | ||
| My favorite are the people that look at it and they're just like, no, this is totally cool. | ||
| No, this is totally fine. | ||
| These people are out of their mind. | ||
| There was a reporter who, um, did you see that one reporter? | ||
| The Jewish reporter, when he tried to shut him down, told him to sit down. | ||
| No, no. | ||
| The reporter that, he was talking about what kind of a landslide he won the Electoral College by, and then it's the greatest landslide ever, and this guy was like, absolutely not. | ||
| He pulled out the stats? | ||
| Yeah, he pulled out the stats. | ||
| Everybody did better. | ||
| Obama did better. | ||
| George Herbert Walker did better. | ||
| George W. did better. | ||
| They all did better. | ||
| Yeah, I think it was the guy from CNN, and then he ended up calling CNN. He's like, ah, now I got a new name for him. | ||
| It's very fake news. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Interesting. | |
| Well, I don't know if it's that guy. | ||
| It's on Patton Oswalt's Twitter page. | ||
| He retweeted it. | ||
| That someone said something about calling him out on his lies. | ||
| Because he says that he won by the biggest landslide ever, and then this other guy comes in. | ||
| Someone who's that overt with their ego, that's never been a part of the White House before. | ||
| It's so strange to see. | ||
| And I think that it seems like already that's wearing on him. | ||
| Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| He looks like a crazy person. | ||
| You can see it. | ||
| He's unraveling. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| And it's also like the people he's got around him, you know, they're not helping him at all. | ||
| Is that a blunt with tobacco on the outside? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Oh, you son of a bitch. | ||
| I'm a big fan of blunts. | ||
| I only smoked these a couple of times, but Charlie Murphy got me on these. | ||
| Oh, man. | ||
| Growing up in San Jose, my cousins, all they did was smoke weed, and one of my cousins, it was like a thing with him, whenever I'd roll a blunt, he'd get mad at me if it wasn't as full as possible. | ||
| He'd get mad? | ||
| Yeah, he'd be like, dude, there's too much tobacco. | ||
| I wouldn't get mad, but he'd give me shit. | ||
| But you put tobacco inside, too? | ||
| No, no, no, no. | ||
| It's just the outside. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| But it's just like, if you don't roll it fat enough... | ||
| I see what you're saying. | ||
| The tobacco leaf on the outside. | ||
| Now, what's really weird is those tobacco leafs are the... | ||
| That's the same leaf that's on cigars, but you don't inhale cigars. | ||
| But you inhale this. | ||
| So you get so fucked up from these things in a weird way. | ||
| It's a little bit of nicotine. | ||
| A lot of nicotine. | ||
| I can't. | ||
| There's a lot. | ||
| It's battling. | ||
| It's like stupidity and peace are battling together. | ||
| I love weed. | ||
| Weed's my favorite. | ||
| I remember when I had to tell my mom... | ||
| That you were a weed smoker? | ||
| Well, she found weed in my room. | ||
| Frank! | ||
| And then she told me, she was like... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Get over here, Frank! | |
| Yeah, she was like, if I ever catch you smoking weed, she was like, I'm going to beat the shit out of you. | ||
| But then the second I turned 18, she was just like... | ||
| And then it started to become legal. | ||
| She was like the first person to try to get a card. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, my mom's a party animal. | ||
| Why was she worried about you? | ||
| Because when she was young, she did a lot of crazy stuff. | ||
| Oh, she was worried that you were going to ruin your life. | ||
| Yeah, she doesn't want me to get crazy. | ||
| Well, people always resist the idea that their children are going to become adults. | ||
| It bothers them. | ||
| And it bothers them that their children are going to face the same tests. | ||
| You know, when you become a parent, you realize, like, you think about all the stupid shit that you barely survived. | ||
| You're like, goddammit, like, what about my kids? | ||
| They're gonna have to make those same stupid mistakes? | ||
| And then, you know, people want a helicopter parent. | ||
| Nerf the world. | ||
| I'm good, dude. | ||
| Yeah, my mom, uh... | ||
| My mom loves me so much. | ||
| She just... | ||
| I mean, she's a mom. | ||
| She cares. | ||
| She had me when she was, like, 19, so... | ||
| When she was, um... | ||
| She just doesn't want me to turn out to be a bad guy. | ||
| Which, I mean, I think I'm not gonna be, you know? | ||
| Dude, you're a man. | ||
| You're done. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Exactly. | |
| You made it through. | ||
| What is this? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Okay, play this. | ||
| Because it's hilarious. | ||
| This is Trump saying something and then the reporter correcting him. | ||
| Listen to this. | ||
| Is it not going through? | ||
| Hmm. | ||
| We have a little bit of a sound. | ||
| Here it goes. | ||
| Bring it all the way back to the beginning. | ||
| ...306 electoral college votes. | ||
| I guess it was the biggest electoral college win since Ronald Reagan. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You said today that you had the biggest electoral margin since Ronald Reagan with 304 or 306 electoral votes. | |
| In fact, President Obama got 365 in 2008. President Obama, 332, and George H.W. Bush, 426. When he won as president. | ||
| So why should Americans trust you? | ||
| I was given that information. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| I was just given. | ||
| We had a very, very big margin. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I guess my question is, why should Americans trust you when you accuse the information they receive of being fake when you're providing information with them? | |
| Well, I don't know. | ||
| I was given that information. | ||
| Actually, I've seen that information around. | ||
| But it was a very substantial victory. | ||
| Do you agree with that? | ||
| Okay, thank you. | ||
| That's a good answer. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| This is craziness. | ||
| This is craziness. | ||
| Like, you saw him adjust in mid-sentence where he was like, I was talking about Republicans, and then it turns out this guy hit him with a bomb. | ||
| It's almost like he verbal boxed him. | ||
| Like, he set him up with that because he had Herbert Walker in his pocket. | ||
| He built up. | ||
| You know, he went Obama, and then he hits, he's like, well, I was talking about Republicans, and then he was like, look at this, George Herbert Walker, butch bitch! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bam! | |
| Boom! | ||
| Which was like, what is it, 455? | ||
| He won by a landslide. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Damn. | ||
| And then what did he do? | ||
| Poor fella. | ||
| What did Trump do? | ||
| He just goes, eh. | ||
| Yeah, it's just weird. | ||
| That's sort of the information I was given. | ||
| You want to know something funny? | ||
| When I did the roast battle, this is a great moment just for me as a Hispanic man. | ||
| I told that Barron Trump joke. | ||
| There was a joke I did, and it was right after the lady got fired from SNL. The joke I did was, and Dan Nolan was the one who wrote it, and he pushed me so hard to do it. | ||
| And I was like, I don't know if I can do it. | ||
| He's like, no man, you have to do this one. | ||
| And I was like, fine. | ||
| But it was, Anna could pass for a Trump. | ||
| She's got the body of Melania, the brains of Ivanka, and her womb is barren. | ||
| Oh shit. | ||
| It's just a play on words. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| And it was just a good joke. | ||
| So mean. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah. | |
| She's not barren. | ||
| Anna's an amazing woman. | ||
| But it was just so funny because it was like the next day a conservative website wrote an article about it. | ||
| And the article was about how good the joke was. | ||
| Because they were like, this is how you don't write a joke. | ||
| Or this is swinging down against the president's son. | ||
| This is a great joke on playing words and this can get you to win. | ||
| And it was just so funny to see people look at that and be like, oh, okay, that's just a good joke. | ||
| It was really weird that intelligent people thought it was okay to attack his kid. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, you should never just attack a person, especially a kid who doesn't, you know what I mean? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's just weird. | |
| It's weird that people make these, they just have these decisions they make like that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's okay because he's the kid of the enemy or something like that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| It's just a little kid. | ||
| You gotta hold yourself to a higher standard. | ||
| That's why I was making that joke, I felt like it was a higher standard. | ||
| But that's good that you have that higher standard because I think we all recognize that base idea, that base instinct to attack someone's kid like that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| The best part, though, was after that, someone came up to me and they were just like, we don't want you to not make jokes. | ||
| We just want you, if you could please, you know, not mention Barron Trump anymore, that'd be great. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Don't make a habit of it. | ||
| Yeah, I was just like, I was like, no, I mean, I'm not gonna, but I was like, thanks. | ||
| I was like, oh, that feels cool that they told me to not do something. | ||
| I was like, oh, that's great. | ||
| Dude, you're a rebel. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| But it's a really good joke. | ||
| As you said, it's a play on words. | ||
| It's not mean at all. | ||
| It's not mean at all. | ||
| Nor is it really a joke about him. | ||
| It's just his name. | ||
| It's a great joke. | ||
| It's a pretty flawless joke when it comes to that subject. | ||
| You've got all your bases covered. | ||
| That's walking right on the line. | ||
| Some people would just say you're crossed it, but I think they're wrong. | ||
| And I think that's a perfect point, because it's like you have to not make these jokes to find line, but it's like, as comedians, that's our job. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| We gotta not push the boundaries and like say terrible things, but it's like you see a challenge You know see how finally you can walk that line When you see a guy like Trump going through this whatever he's going through right now Do you think that that's just the this is just total speculation? | ||
| Do you think that's the weight of all these people that are upset at him? | ||
| Do you think that's the magnitude of the job? | ||
| Do you think he this is just who he is? | ||
| I don't know if this is who he is. | ||
| I think he definitely, I think from what we can see, is he definitely stepped into a job he thought he could do, and now he's just like, oh, okay. | ||
| Because there's definitely sometimes where you watch him and you see him try to run it like a business, or the way he talks to people, where it's just like, oh, that's the way a boss would talk to someone he thinks is employed by him. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Boy, I think he's also going through the scrutiny of some of the smartest people in the world. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| And I don't think he ever has been through that. | ||
| And I think he's gone through the scrutiny of the general public in an entertainment sense. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And in a sort of, you know, a cultural icon sense is the term of this billionaire, flamboyant character who puts his name on all these fabulous buildings and runs casinos and all that stuff. | ||
| I mean, that's how we thought of him. | ||
| He's like a bad Iron Man. | ||
| Well, he's Donald Trump. | ||
| You don't get to be that successful without some crazy drive to win. | ||
| And sometimes you get this Blinders sort of almost bullheaded determination forward and guys like that conquered worlds Yeah, you know, it's that's the real deal man. | ||
| I mean, that's really what it is that mindset that it's not always correct But it's somehow or another almost always prosperous. | ||
| Yes, and they can get through they can get through but I think A guy like that who's so business savvy and so is good at making money and some would argue, maybe you're right, maybe I'm wrong, you know, that he just invested his dad's money, I've heard all that, but he still made a lot of fucking money. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Maybe, you know, who knows how much. | ||
| I don't know how much money he made. | ||
| He's got money, that's for sure. | ||
| Rich as fuck. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I feel like all throughout history, those guys that have done that have been like conquerors. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| This is just, he's just getting to do it in business. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Now he's trying to do it on a global scale. | ||
| But I think that that's almost like the mindset of those like super billionaire. | ||
| I mean, they have like conquerors genetics or something. | ||
| Oh, yeah, yeah. | ||
| He's got a little bit of Alexander in him. | ||
| Yeah, but I think there's just humans like that. | ||
| But now those humans find themselves in business. | ||
| These super winner characters. | ||
| Fuck what you care about. | ||
| Fuck what you think. | ||
| We're going to do it my way. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Sometimes I feel like I have that drive too. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Where it's like now, especially where it's like I get that. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Like that drive where it's like, fuck it. | ||
| Let's just work hard and get this shit done. | ||
| Yeah, well, I don't know if that's what he's got. | ||
| I mean, I definitely think he's got some of that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, it's definitely misplaced in an odd direction. | ||
| Well, it's just under the scrutiny of all these insanely intelligent people now. | ||
| It's just really, really fascinating. | ||
| Like that reporter. | ||
| Like, that kind of interaction is a new thing to him. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| And it's just the way he communicates. | ||
| It's... | ||
| I don't think he's ever been in a situation where... | ||
| I think he's always been in a situation where he definitely feels and thinks he's like, I'm definitely the smartest person in the room right now. | ||
| But when you put up against someone that are more intelligent and also have their shit ready and their facts, he doesn't know how to handle that. | ||
| And then he just breaks down in a sense, which you just saw. | ||
| He changes his words and he... | ||
| It's really interesting from a psychological perspective. | ||
| You know, Howard Stern had a really fascinating take on it. | ||
| And his take on it was that Trump really wants to be loved, and it's a bad job for him because of that. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Because as a president, there's no president that's ever been universally loved, I feel. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| No way, man. | ||
| Every president, like, either people love you or people hate you. | ||
| Yeah, it's one or the other. | ||
| It's never like, I can live with him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah. | |
| Some people were like, I could live with him with George W. after 9-11. | ||
| His approval rating went through the roof. | ||
| Remember that? | ||
| Yeah, I do. | ||
| Because he made us feel better. | ||
| He did. | ||
| We say, okay, well, when some shit goes down, this is the kind of guy you want there. | ||
| Some guy who gives a real good speech right afterwards, has his strong military backing, and go, okay, this is what we need right now. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And in a lot of ways, you know, that was what you need after some sort of a global crisis like that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Exactly. | |
| You need a leader. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So that was probably like the one time that I can remember. | ||
| And it wasn't that long before people had given up on them again. | ||
| You know? | ||
| After mission accomplished, maybe you know that? | ||
| That was like the beginning of the end. | ||
| Once they did that, they had a warship. | ||
| With a giant mission accomplished banner in the background and the war is, you know, goes on for another like seven years, right? | ||
| So funny. | ||
| When did the war end there? | ||
| How much later after that mission accomplished did the war actually end? | ||
| My favorite is there was a dude whose job it was to go get that printed up. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| He probably was just staring at it like... | ||
| That's so insane. | ||
| Someone talked to him and they said, Sir, it's over. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Beautiful. | ||
| Perfect. | ||
| Put up the flag. | ||
| Let's do this. | ||
| Put up the banner. | ||
| Yeah, look at that. | ||
| Mission accomplished. | ||
| That seems like a scene in a movie, doesn't it? | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| When you look at that photo, it's like, is that real? | ||
| Is that really what happened? | ||
| Folks, as you get older, and you see this thing going on, you see these people, and you see the presidents, and you see the White House and Congress, and you realize, after a while, oh, these are all just people. | ||
| These are all just people. | ||
| Human beings. | ||
| And they're entrapped in this system that they've constructed in order to dictate where they go, when they go, how much they get, and how they can live. | ||
| I mean, that's really what it is. | ||
| It's a series of laws that the general idea is that they're there to protect you and your interest. | ||
| But in a lot of ways, not really. | ||
| No, we just trust it. | ||
| It's just a system. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| A system of control that we all agree to. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| You know? | ||
| I think it's so funny because the more stuff that happens with him and then just seeing everything, the more and more I'm just like, this isn't real. | ||
| This has to be a joke. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It doesn't feel real. | ||
| But it never did. | ||
| It feels less and less real with time, though. | ||
| It does. | ||
| I mean, you always make those jokes where we're in a simulation. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And there's many a day where I'll just, especially going on the road with you, just being here, just anywhere, I'm just like, oh, if this was a simulation, this is definitely the simulation I'd be playing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It seems like this is a fun one to play. | ||
| It seems like there's a lot of game elements in it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| It seems like there's good decisions, bad decisions, repercussions for each. | ||
| It's insane. | ||
| Yeah, it's a weird, weird world that you live in when a popular person wins the popularity contest for the first time. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Like someone who decides that they're going to run things. | ||
| There's never been a guy like Trump who's run a country like that. | ||
| He just became a really popular person and then just took over the country. | ||
| Fascinating. | ||
| Absolutely insane. | ||
| My favorite are just the people that follow him. | ||
| I love just watching them and talking to them. | ||
| Some people are happy that there's chaos. | ||
| Make no mistake about that. | ||
| There's some people that are happy that he's in there because they think that the system... | ||
| That was in place was insanely corrupt, and I think they're right. | ||
| Me too. | ||
| And they're banking on him being the solution to that, you know, because of his business savvy. | ||
| I don't understand politics or finances enough to know if they're right. | ||
| I don't. | ||
| But I know that, like, culturally, it's weird. | ||
| The whole thing is weird. | ||
| I feel like you know the difference between right and wrong. | ||
| Yeah, I would hope so. | ||
| You know, I think it's an impossible job. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| I really do. | ||
| I think we should phase it out. | ||
| I think we should figure out how to get a large group of people. | ||
| You know, and I think you could go as many as like a dozen and have these people work it out. | ||
| Like really smart people. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| All scientists? | ||
| No. | ||
| Different disciplines. | ||
| I think you'd have to have people from the medical profession. | ||
| You'd have to have people from the scientific communities. | ||
| Biology, astrophysics. | ||
| You'd have to have people that are predicting, like, what's going on with asteroids? | ||
| Are we cool? | ||
| Is everything cool? | ||
| Or should we just fuck it, do whatever we want, because we're going to get hit by a giant rock 40 miles wide in 10 years? | ||
| Should we just chill? | ||
| What do we do? | ||
| Yeah, I need people smarter than me to fucking decide stuff like that. | ||
| Because it's one of those things where it's like, I'm an idiot, but I'm also pretty kind of well-versed on a lot of things. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But, I mean, I don't know anything about finances. | ||
| I mean, I like to think I know a little bit about politics. | ||
| But, I mean, if there's a group of scientists and people that are really, you know, designing, I'd much rather have that than one dude who's not a big fan of a certain amount of people. | ||
| Yeah, I'm exactly like that. | ||
| I don't know shit about politics. | ||
| But I do know, and I talk about it. | ||
| People, you shouldn't talk about something you don't should. | ||
| I'm not even going to study that crazy system. | ||
| I think it's ridiculous. | ||
| I think you can kiss my ass. | ||
| People are allowed to give you money, and then you do things that they want you to do? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| They donate money to you, and then you make decisions that benefit them? | ||
| For real? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Fuck you. | ||
| I don't need to be smart to know that that seems a little bit fucking weird. | ||
| That system's crazy. | ||
| It's just old as fuck, and that's how they had to do it in the 1700s, okay? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Exactly. | |
| It's 2017. We could come up with a better system than this. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Across the board, you know? | ||
| Like, everyone's tripping about the immigration, which they're deporting illegals and stuff. | ||
| They really are, huh? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So is it more than they used to deport people? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Because how much did they used to deport people? | ||
| They're still deporting regular amounts of people, from what I understand, from what I've looked at. | ||
| But the thing that I'm worried about and that worries me is that it's like... | ||
| There's certain people that obviously are illegal here and are getting sent back. | ||
| Not all of them, but just the fact that there's some that are getting sent back that are American concerns me. | ||
| Yeah, and there's some that are really cool as fuck. | ||
| Because, I mean, I have family members that are real fucking cool as fuck. | ||
| Yeah, there's a lot of really nice people. | ||
| I make this joke now where it's like I joke about losing my ID and how that's going to be a big problem for me now. | ||
| It's like if I get stopped and then I have to convince this dude that I'm American, you know what I mean? | ||
| A lot of people that hear me say that joke are like, ah, that's not real, that's stupid, that's dumb fear. | ||
| It's like you can just talk to them. | ||
| It's like, yeah, maybe, but what if that guy's having a fucking bad day? | ||
| And also, don't you think like every other Mexican that gets caught in that is going to be trying to give the exact same speech I am? | ||
| Yeah, 100%, man. | ||
| It's weird because they're really only targeting Mexicans around California. | ||
| You're not going to deport Canadians, hot blonde Canadians, hot blonde girl from Vancouver. | ||
| You're going to send her home? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Get the fuck out of here. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Exactly. | |
| They're only targeting Mexicans, right? | ||
| I would assume. | ||
| White people are going crazy right now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, dude. | |
| Logan doesn't know shit about immigration. | ||
| They're taking our jobs. | ||
| It is my favorite. | ||
| You fucking liberal. | ||
| Limousine liberal. | ||
| My favorite, too, is that it's like, you know, I talk about these things and stuff in a very joking manner, but these are real problems certain people are having. | ||
| And I went to a small show, and it was in a house, and it was just a lot of, like, white chicks, white guys, which is fine, you know what I mean? | ||
| But I could just see some of them start to get uncomfortable with the things I was saying. | ||
| But it's like, you know what? | ||
| That's fine. | ||
| Build that wall. | ||
| Build that wall. | ||
| I just feel like one day, that's not going to be real. | ||
| No, I don't think the wall is going to be ruled. | ||
| I don't think there's going to be, and I don't think this is a great idea, like a new world order idea, like one government to rule the world. | ||
| But I think it would be really nice if people could go wherever the fuck they want. | ||
| I just feel like this idea that you can, like, legally restrict people's movement based on patches of dirt they were shit out onto is pretty ridiculous. | ||
| It just seems like that's gonna go away. | ||
| If it doesn't go away a hundred years from now, it's gonna go away a thousand years from now. | ||
| It's preposterous. | ||
| It's like, what's the point? | ||
| I mean, whenever I talk to people about the immigration thing, people always... | ||
| And I respect people's opinions. | ||
| I'll listen and I'm willing to learn and, like, I'll... | ||
| Listen to what you have to say, and if it's terrible, I'll probably make fun of you a little bit. | ||
| That's just how I deal with things. | ||
| But it's like California used to be a part of Mexico. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| If you look at the history books- Did we buy it? | ||
| No, it was- I shouldn't say we. | ||
| Did I throw myself into white people even though my parents were all immigrants? | ||
| We're all immigrants. | ||
| The colonists. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But it was... | ||
| Isn't that funny, though? | ||
| People do do that. | ||
| Like I said, you know, we. | ||
| I would say we. | ||
| Like, hey, well, we killed all the Indians. | ||
| No, I don't have a bitch. | ||
| There's zero direct connection to me and ending Indian deaths. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| Absolutely. | ||
| But, you know, they'll say, we did it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You know, when we came here, we pushed out the Native Americans. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like, wait, what is this we shit? | |
| And it's funny that they say pushed out. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| It's like, no, it was... | ||
| Pushed out's a very nice term to what we did to them. | ||
| I said it, too. | ||
| Yeah, but it's that we thing. | ||
| It's supernatural. | ||
| It's super easy to get locked up into little tribes. | ||
| We just gotta give it up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We gotta give it up. | ||
| It's stupid. | ||
| It is. | ||
| It's old and dumb. | ||
| It's so dumb. | ||
| It's fine for teams. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| You wanna play sports? | ||
| It's awesome. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Cleveland's gonna take on LA. We gotta fuckin' go there and represent. | |
| We need a big asteroid to fucking unify everybody. | ||
| It would do that. | ||
| It definitely would. | ||
| I saw what 9-11 did to New Yorkers. | ||
| I guarantee you, if we had some sort of a mega disaster, the people that survived would be nicer to each other. | ||
| And they would realize how fortunate we are. | ||
| We've been in a time of peace for so long that we can't intellectualize. | ||
| We can't, in a conscious sense... | ||
| Wrap our head around the fact that at any moment there could be a 45,000 mile an hour chunk of rock that slams into us. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That can happen at any time. | ||
| We all think we're invincible. | ||
| Dude, those are scary. | ||
| There's supposed to be like 900,000 near-earth objects between us and Jupiter. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| Is that right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I hope I'm wrong about that, but it's something scary like that. | ||
| It's some insane number. | ||
| Tyson put up a diagram of the Earth and just the solar system. | ||
| Neil deGrasse Tyson. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think you should be real clear. | ||
| Well, I mean, that's the only Tyson I know. | ||
| No, I'm just kidding. | ||
| I'm sorry, what did he put up? | ||
| He posted, it was on his Instagram, it was just a diagram of the solar system rotating, but then it showed, because we're technically flying through the universe, and then it shows just a group of us, just all... | ||
| And the moment that I realized that we're not stationary, and that we're actually just moving through the universe, my head fucking exploded. | ||
| Oh, it's crazy. | ||
| Yeah, that graphic is beautiful. | ||
| You realize it's taking a long time for it to make that motion. | ||
| You're looking at it over millions and billions of years, but that is what it's doing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Our world is spinning around a giant nuclear explosion that's hurling toward something. | ||
| What it looks like is if someone launched some sort of a nuclear bullet, and we're looking at it In slow motion. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| Like if a gun launched a sun bullet. | ||
| I mean, that's what we're looking at. | ||
| It's just our version of time is so, so brief that we can't appreciate that this thing is in motion because its motion requires billions of years to complete. | ||
| So it's literally like a bullet getting shot through the cannon and all those things around it are particles. | ||
| That are sort of connected to it, like little fragments of it as it hurls through infinity. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's us! | |
| We're just a speck in the history... | ||
| I remember when I was in class and they... | ||
| That it was like, in the time of history... | ||
| In the time of the universe, humanity is just a second. | ||
| Yeah, it's not even that. | ||
| It's nothing. | ||
| It's nothing. | ||
| We're just a little tiny thing. | ||
| How many more near-earth objects? | ||
| Okay. | ||
| 15,629 near-Earth objects have been discovered. | ||
| Some 876 of those are asteroids with a diameter of approximately one kilometer or larger. | ||
| 1,700 potentially hazardous? | ||
| 1,785 of these near-Earth objects have been classified as potentially hazardous asteroids, or PHAs. | ||
| Jesus Christ, you know when they have just three letters? | ||
| It's serious. | ||
| They broke it down. | ||
| Potentially hazardous asteroids, 1785. I was thinking of just last night, I was talking with my friend. | ||
| What if one doesn't hit Earth but crashes into the moon and just fucks up the moon? | ||
| Oh yeah, it's not good. | ||
| That's not good either, right? | ||
| It's all bad. | ||
| It's all bad. | ||
| There's some people who think the moon's a hologram. | ||
| It's definitely not real. | ||
| There was one that slammed into Jupiter that the explosion it created was so big, I believe it was almost the size of the Earth itself. | ||
| Oh my god, that's crazy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, Jupiter apparently is the reason why we are alive. | ||
| Because Jupiter is so massive that it draws everything. | ||
| It's like our protector. | ||
| It's like our guard dog. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| Look at the fucking impact. | ||
| Watch this impact. | ||
| It is the craziest shit. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Boom. | ||
| That's an asteroidal impact on Jupiter. | ||
| It was the size of Earth. | ||
| It was the size of Earth. | ||
| What in the fuck, man? | ||
| What in the fuck? | ||
|
unidentified
|
The size of the whole Earth? | |
| Explosion the size of everything on this planet. | ||
| Get the fuck out of here. | ||
| That's so insane! | ||
| That's one of those moments, you can't even, like, if that happened here on Earth, you couldn't run from it. | ||
| That's just one of those moments where you look at it and you're like, this is gonna happen. | ||
| Well, you know, that's what they say Earth is. | ||
| That Earth is Earth 2. And that there was an Earth 1. And Earth 1 got hit by another planet. | ||
| And that's what created the moon. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's like, I think that's the most current theory of how the Earth and the moon were formed and why they're so close to each other. | ||
| Yeah, there's a great diagram of an asteroid hitting Earth-1, is what they described it as, and then it just shows how it would spin off and just a piece of it. | ||
| So there's a good diagram of how that's a pretty great theory. | ||
| Now, does the moon... | ||
| It's interesting. | ||
| The moon doesn't spin the way the Earth spins, right? | ||
| It has a different spin. | ||
| It spins around us, but does it spin on its axis as well? | ||
| Is that a stupid question? | ||
| Probably, right? | ||
| I just don't understand gravity, so I should probably shut the fuck up. | ||
| The moon orbits Earth once every 27.322 days. | ||
| It takes approximately 27 days for the moon to rotate on its axis. | ||
| As a result, the moon does not seem to be spinning, but appears to observers from the Earth to be almost perfectly still. | ||
| Scientists call this synchronous rotation. | ||
| Ah, fascinating. | ||
| Wow, that's fucking cool. | ||
| Oh, so we're both spinning? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Dude. | |
| It's just the way we spin and the way it spins appears to us that it's not spinning. | ||
| Oh, that's nuts. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| Dude, the moon is a fucking crazy thing. | ||
| There's something one quarter the size of us. | ||
| It's dead as fuck. | ||
| And it's just floating in the sky. | ||
| It's like having a dead body next to your house that you never talk about. | ||
| But you just look at it occasionally. | ||
| You just look at it on your way to school. | ||
| There's some dude who's got a skeleton on a bench. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's just sitting there like, that's what we could be! | |
| We could easily be that stupid fucking moon floating into the universe would not give a shit. | ||
| No, the universe doesn't care. | ||
| The universe does not give a fuck if there's water in Arizona. | ||
| It doesn't care. | ||
| My favorite is just seeing the moon during the day, and you're just like, oh wow, that's trippy, but really fucking cool. | ||
| It is so important to have people smarter than us out there so we can find this out. | ||
| Can you imagine if you and I had to figure out what was going on? | ||
| Oh, we'd be fucking dumb. | ||
| We'd be done. | ||
| I'd just be making fun of stuff. | ||
| Here, they're showing how it works here. | ||
| How as the moon spins, every part of it is essentially the same part. | ||
| That's kind of fascinating. | ||
| So the way the earth spins, the way the moon spins, it rotates at such a synchronous order that it looks like it's not spinning. | ||
| That's beautiful. | ||
| See, science is just such a fucking incredible thing, that someone could figure that out, and they could tell you, and then you don't have to figure it out on your own. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Because there's too much work involved. | ||
| Can you imagine? | ||
| If you had to figure out, what is nuclear physics? | ||
| What's an atom? | ||
| On your own? | ||
| No. | ||
| It's the weirdest thing about people. | ||
| We all act collectively, whether we know it or not. | ||
| We all act collectively. | ||
| And without that, I feel like I have a booger on my nose, do I? No, you're good. | ||
| Why is that so embarrassing? | ||
| Because everybody has boogers, right? | ||
| If you don't have a booger, something's probably wrong with your nose. | ||
| But to have one, it goes back to like childhood. | ||
| Yeah, you got a boogie! | ||
| Yeah, like you catch your kids picking their nose. | ||
| Hey, get out of there. | ||
| Stop digging in there. | ||
| That's a good feeling. | ||
| It's a very embarrassing good feeling of picking out a booger. | ||
| Oh, it's so satisfying. | ||
| Yeah, dude. | ||
| You ever watch someone do it in traffic? | ||
| I have. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sure. | |
| It's the best. | ||
| No one's looking. | ||
| You're just going at it. | ||
| I had my nose fixed. | ||
| I had a deviated septum. | ||
| And after I had my nose fixed, I was blowing out the most disgusting blood boogers. | ||
| Because it was all like scabs and blood. | ||
| And I would blow it out and it would be giant, dude. | ||
| Giant. | ||
| Like the size of a thumb. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| Yeah, it was crazy. | ||
| I showed it to Tom Segura once. | ||
| We were at the airport. | ||
| And I blew my nose into a tissue and I go, dude, you gotta look at this. | ||
| And he looked at me and he drived. | ||
| He appreciated it though, right? | ||
| He really had a hard time looking at it, man. | ||
| That's my favorite, just grossing out your friends. | ||
| Yeah, but that's one thing that Fear Factor killed dead in me. | ||
| Oh, gross shit? | ||
| Yeah, that's one of them right there. | ||
| Oh, wow! | ||
| Yeah, that came out of my nose, son. | ||
| Jesus! | ||
| Yeah, that was real. | ||
| I feel like you could name it. | ||
| It was giant. | ||
| I was like, that doesn't even make sense. | ||
| Um, I know I'm disgusting. | ||
| I showed you a booger. | ||
| But it's more blood than it is a booger. | ||
| I used to surf and I was bad at it. | ||
| So I would get knocked underwater all the time. | ||
| Oh no. | ||
| I remember the first time I ever went, I didn't realize it. | ||
| It's like when you're constantly surfing, you get water shoved up your nose all the time. | ||
| So like there's just a moment where you'll be out doing something and it'll all just release because the pressure's gone. | ||
| So I remember I was like, I don't know if I was like talking to my girlfriend or something, but I was just talking to someone and then just all of a sudden it just released. | ||
| And I'm just talking to them and just salt water all over my face. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| Just disgusting. | ||
| That is disgusting. | ||
| Dude, asteroids are freaking me the fuck out right now. | ||
| We shouldn't have brought that up. | ||
| That's one thing that could just change everything. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And they happen all the time. | ||
| Like, we just missed one. | ||
| One came between us and the moon, didn't it? | ||
| Wasn't there one that, like, recently came between us and the moon? | ||
| Or Trump's gonna build a wall. | ||
| Or it's about to? | ||
| Yeah, I think... | ||
| See if you can find out what that is. | ||
| By the way, let's go champ. | ||
| Everyone calls me that now when I walk around. | ||
| Let's go champ? | ||
| No, just champ. | ||
| It's such a great feeling. | ||
| It's so stupid, too. | ||
| Like, I'll go to open mics and just be like, champ, champ. | ||
| I'm just like, ah, that feels... | ||
| Do you know who Shannon the Cannon Briggs is? | ||
| Heavyweight boxer with a hilarious Instagram. | ||
| I had him on the podcast. | ||
| Let's Go Champ! | ||
| Yeah, that's him. | ||
| Let's Go Champ. | ||
| That's where the hat comes from. | ||
| This is an authentic Let's Go Champ hat from the source. | ||
| Oh my god, that's the best. | ||
| I felt it appropriate to wear in your presence, sir, since you are now the Rose Battle Champ. | ||
| One happened January 9th. | ||
| January 9th. | ||
| Jesus Christ, it was last month, people. | ||
| That's insane. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, that's so scary. | |
| We're in a goddamn shooting zone. | ||
| We're in like a shooting gallery. | ||
| Isn't that what Randall Carlson was saying? | ||
| Isn't that how he described it? | ||
| We really are. | ||
| He's right. | ||
| There's a bunch of shit out there. | ||
| It's 1,700 and something or another. | ||
| That could kill us. | ||
| Asteroid came within the half a distance from Earth to the moon, flying through cislunar space. | ||
| What is cislunar? | ||
| Is that like the sex it was born with? | ||
| Yeah, it's not a... | ||
| Yeah, because that's cisgender. | ||
| Does cislunar... | ||
| Is that connected to cis... | ||
| Fucking idiot. | ||
| Don't even know what the sir prefix is. | ||
| What is the cis... | ||
| What is the cis prefix? | ||
| What does that really mean? | ||
| There's someone online right now just screaming at us. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You fucking idiots shouldn't talk about space! | |
| Cislunar space this morning. | ||
| Scientists at the Catalina Sky Survey discovered the asteroid, which is being called Asteroid 2017-AG13 on Saturday. | ||
| Discovered it on Saturday! | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| They discovered it on Saturday? | ||
| Is that what they're saying? | ||
| I think so, yeah. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| 50 to 111 feet across was moving at about 10 miles per second. | ||
| Oh, my Jesus! | ||
| 10 miles per second! | ||
| With the same size as the asteroid that hit Russia in 2013, the size of the asteroid coupled with how fast it was moving and how low its albedo brightness made it difficult to view through a telescope. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jesus! | |
| Jesus fucking Christ! | ||
| They can't see it. | ||
| It's dark and they can't see it. | ||
| It's so fast they couldn't see it. | ||
| That's insane to me. | ||
| Would you rather be on the asteroid or on the Earth? | ||
| You want to be right under where it hits. | ||
| You don't want to survive. | ||
| You don't want to be eating people. | ||
| You just don't want that to go down. | ||
| You don't want to get to that spot where you're eating people. | ||
| Because that's where it goes. | ||
| It's where it goes. | ||
| When it gets down to almost everyone's dead. | ||
| And there's almost no life. | ||
| And there's almost no food. | ||
| And there's just... | ||
| All you need is one or two aggressive, mean assholes. | ||
| And next thing you know, you justify some shit. | ||
| And you're on an episode of The Walking Dead. | ||
| Asteroid buzzed Earth and Moon January 25th. | ||
| What is it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's another one. | |
| Another one? | ||
| This is a different one. | ||
| Oh, Jesus fucking Christ. | ||
| He's gonna terrify Joe today. | ||
| This is the January 25th one, so the other one was January 6th? | ||
| Is that what it was? | ||
| 7th? | ||
| On the 7th or 8th, I think so. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| We're tripping about walls, man. | ||
| We ain't tripping about fucking asteroids. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| They only found this one on the 20th. | ||
| It passed between Earth and the Moon late Tuesday night, according to the clocks in the Americas. | ||
| The asteroid's closest approach was 1145 Eastern Time on January 24th, 2017. It came within, I don't know what that means, 0.68 lunar distances. | ||
| Whoops. | ||
| Goddamn pop-up windows. | ||
| 0.68 lunar distances, about 162,252 miles away. | ||
| SLU broadcast a show about this asteroid last night, which you can see in the video above. | ||
| And what website is this? | ||
| Earthsky.org, but most of this information keeps coming from SLU, which is an observatory. | ||
| Thank God those guys are watching to see death coming with not a goddamn thing we can do about it. | ||
| Do you think they tell... | ||
| Do you think they... | ||
| If an asteroid's gonna hit Earth, do you think they tell Trump? | ||
| I don't know! | ||
| I don't know what you do! | ||
| What do you do if you know everybody's dead? | ||
| Yeah, do you think he tells us? | ||
| Not even it doesn't have to be Trump, but do you think if you're the president and you find out the world's going to end because of an asteroid, do you tell everybody? | ||
| Well, no one wants to feel completely, totally helpless. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But we absolutely are. | ||
| We've been hit by planets, you fucks. | ||
| We could get hit by a goddamn planet. | ||
| Well, I don't know if you guys know this, but they think there's another fucking planet at the end of our solar system now. | ||
| They don't know where it is, but they think it's six times bigger than the Earth. | ||
| I've actually heard that. | ||
| You can't see it. | ||
| Yeah, because of the shadows. | ||
| This thing's crazy! | ||
| This universe is crazy! | ||
| There's rogue planets. | ||
| Rogue planets go flying around and slam into other planets like billiard balls. | ||
| Didn't they find a planet that they think is literally just a diamond? | ||
| Dude, I was I was high as fuck once and I went outside it was foggy and The moon was full and it was foggy and so it was this crazy illusion like there was a Enormous moon flying in the sky. | ||
| Oh enormous moon like many many times larger than the moon itself Like it was almost like another planet like just hovering right over us because the glow of the moon I remember looking at that man and thinking to myself That could be another reality. | ||
| There could be another planet somewhere out there in the universe that is looking up at this gigantic thing that's like another planet just floating right above you. | ||
| And they're everywhere. | ||
| They're everywhere. | ||
| They keep finding new ones. | ||
| Which is just flying through this huge storm of planets and nuclear explosions. | ||
| Fuck, man! | ||
| That's crazier than anything That we ever contemplate on this earth while we're alive. | ||
| Just the very nature of space itself. | ||
| I think there's a diagram of the biggest sun, the biggest star they've found in the universe, and then they compare it to our current sun. | ||
| Oh, it's insane. | ||
| And it's just unfathomably big. | ||
| It's insane. | ||
| One of the cool, I guess it's a demo, it's an application on the VR thing I've got, on the HTC Vive. | ||
| You can go into space and generate planets and send them into orbit, and you're just standing in the middle of it, and you can make that out like Alpha Centauri star. | ||
| And then watch what it looks like when you send the earth around it, and then they explode into each other. | ||
| And you can just keep making them pop up and whatever. | ||
| You just send them for hours. | ||
| It's super cool looking. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Goddamn. | ||
| My girlfriend's super into science and conspiracy things and stuff. | ||
| So this is literally all we talk about. | ||
| Well, I think that you're going to get to a point where virtual reality is going to be able to recreate a journey through space like in HD. If they can figure out a way to take really good photos, like some of the more recent photos they've been able to take with those satellites that they launch into space, the incredible detail of all these different planets. | ||
| I mean, to be able to do that, like to put on one of those HTC vibes and fly through space... | ||
| Insane. | ||
| And just feel what it would be like to circle Jupiter and like look down at it, you know? | ||
| That's something you get lost in for... | ||
| Oh, I would love to do just weed and mushrooms on that. | ||
| That'd be crazy. | ||
| You might not even need it, dude. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| You might go into a natural psychedelic state. | ||
| If you could get something where you could, in a float tank, put on an HTC Vive and go... | ||
| For real, right? | ||
| And go flying through the rings of Saturn. | ||
| And to be, like, that close and to have, like, the correct... | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| Watch this incredible moment. | ||
| An Indian rocket releases over 100 satellites into space in a new world record. | ||
| What? | ||
| See, that's another thing. | ||
| Space junk. | ||
| 88 of them are going to try to take a picture of Earth every single day. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| So it seems like they're trying to do exactly almost what you're trying to talk about right there. | ||
| Did you see there was some sort of a plan to collect space junk that failed? | ||
| Did you hear about that? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Space junk's insane. | ||
| That's funny. | ||
| That's where the part where we're at is where we gotta build something to go collect all the space junk. | ||
| Yeah, we're crazy. | ||
| We left shit floating in the sky above our head. | ||
| We've got metal! | ||
| We left metal in the sky above our head. | ||
| Oh, it failed? | ||
| That's great. | ||
| Japanese space junk remover experiment has failed in orbit. | ||
| What happened to it? | ||
| Is it saying? | ||
| Wait, does that mean that there's more junk now in space? | ||
| I don't know if they made it back and couldn't catch it. | ||
| The system designed by a Japanese space agency and a fishing net company should have unfurled a 700-meter tether from space station resupply vehicle that was returning to Earth, according to JAXA scientists. | ||
| However, the system appears to have faltered. | ||
| Space junk... | ||
| There's a growing problem in low Earth orbit since the beginning of the space age. | ||
| Debris as small as flecks of paint. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And large as whole satellites and parts of rocket boosters have been accumulating and is estimated that over 100 million individual pieces of junk. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Tens of thousands of pieces that are over 10 centimeters in size are whizzing around our planet. | ||
| What? | ||
| That's like moving shrapnel. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| We're so crazy. | ||
| It's insane. | ||
| People are so bananas. | ||
| They just keep launching new shit up there. | ||
| They're like, whoop, it's fucked already. | ||
| Let's launch a hundred more new ones. | ||
| How many... | ||
| Didn't Elon Musk say they want to launch a crazy number of SpaceX launches? | ||
| Just like one a month or one every week? | ||
| Are they leaving debris in Space 2? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I'm not sure. | ||
| Well, they're bringing that thing back, so maybe not. | ||
| Yeah, right? | ||
| If you can get something that you can shoot up there and then bring back... | ||
| Would you go to space? | ||
| If you could? | ||
| Fuck you! | ||
| You wouldn't even just- I mean, if it was just like up top and then come right back down. | ||
| I had a whole joke about that. | ||
| I go, look up. | ||
| You're already in space. | ||
| Going out there is like just going to a shittier neighborhood. | ||
| Yeah, you want to check out the shitty neighborhood? | ||
| Well, you get in planes all the time. | ||
| What if it just went a little higher? | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| Well, it doesn't. | ||
| That's why I get in planes. | ||
| Well, I think that's what's... | ||
| Fuck you! | ||
| I think there's going to get to a point where the planes, to get to places faster, they're going to use the orbit and go up high and then come right back down. | ||
| Or you smoke a joint, go to Joshua Tree, and lay on your back, and you realize you are already in space. | ||
| You're already here. | ||
| We're in space. | ||
| We're just in the best possible neighborhood. | ||
| Let's just be thankful. | ||
| Just be super lucky that we're here. | ||
| We don't want to shit out on the moon where there's no air. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| I mean, you like extreme stuff. | ||
| You wouldn't want to just see what it was like. | ||
| Fuck you. | ||
| I don't like things that'll definitely kill you. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| And going into space can definitely kill you. | ||
| Oh, absolutely. | ||
| Like, it goes wrong a lot. | ||
| It goes wrong a lot on those folks. | ||
| Like, I'm terrified of heights, so I'll probably never go, but... | ||
| That movie, Gravity. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| That movie freaked me the fuck out. | ||
| Oh, yeah, man. | ||
| I was just sitting there going, Jesus, get back down there. | ||
| Get down. | ||
| Get down to Earth. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Get down there. | |
| That anxiety is so real. | ||
| It's perfect. | ||
| Get the fuck out of there. | ||
| You're floating in space. | ||
| You hear things crash together, but they don't make any sound. | ||
| Or you see them crash together. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| But there's no sound. | ||
| That was a freaky part of that movie, where there's no sound in space, because there's no oxygen. | ||
| There's no air. | ||
| There's nothing to carry it. | ||
| There's nothing. | ||
| There's no atmosphere. | ||
| You don't hear it. | ||
| Does that make sense, though? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Also, real quick, on the asteroid that hit Jupiter, it wasn't the size of Earth. | ||
| The explosion was the size of Earth. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| However difference that makes. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| No, the explosion was the size of Earth. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think we said that. | ||
| I'm pretty sure. | ||
| I'm just making sure. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't think the asteroid was the size of Earth. | ||
| Because if it was a big... | ||
| That would be like another planet flying around, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, that has happened, though. | ||
| That's what we're saying. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I mean, who knows how often it does happen? | ||
| But they think that's how what we're saying before that the that's see if you could find that earth one and earth two I think that's what they're saying that that was the most recent Theory of how the moon was created that the moon is actually made out of the same shit that we're made out of Just dead as fuck float this guy our brother It's our dead brother floating over our head every day, but he's only like 10. That's why so little it's like the one that's still attached to us Dude, I mean, that is what it's like, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That could be us. | ||
| That could be us. | ||
| We're so lucky. | ||
| That's why we gotta work hard. | ||
| We're bitching and complaining. | ||
| It's weird times. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because all this information, like, I'm sure was probably around when my parents were my age, but in order to go get it, you had to do a lot of traveling, you had to read books, you had to go to school, you couldn't just Google it. | ||
| No, everything's so readily available now. | ||
| Don't you think, like, for comics, this is, like, the best time ever for creating material? | ||
| Oh, absolutely. | ||
| That's why it's like, I mean, I talk about Trump and stuff all the time, but it's like, I've never seen, you know, a president that's just given us so much stuff to work with. | ||
| A comic said this to me. | ||
| He was like, I'm not going to write any Trump jokes. | ||
| I was like, why not? | ||
| And he's like, because that dude's doing funnier shit than anything I'll ever be able to write. | ||
| I feel bad about it. | ||
| This is my feeling. | ||
| It doesn't feel like everybody's happy. | ||
| No, everyone's not happy. | ||
| And when people aren't happy, on both sides, there seems to be all this fucking... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It seems super tense right now. | ||
| I think we were talking about this earlier. | ||
| No one's willing to listen and learn. | ||
| Everyone's just willing to shout as loud as possible. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| People just gotta be nice. | ||
| That's why I like doing stand-up about it, because it's like, if I can make both sides laugh at... | ||
| The stupid things I'm saying, then they're in a way agreeing with me and in a way can hopefully learn a little bit different. | ||
| I think we're too much of a bunch of babies to have a left side and a right side. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| I think we're too much of babies. | ||
| We're squawking too much. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think if we could figure out a way to get rid of that, that whole inclination to want a left and a right, that whole inclination... | ||
| It just seems to me that it's just so easy to pick a team and to get locked into that team's mindset, locked into that team's goals, locked into that team's ideology. | ||
| Say the shit that the other people in the team... | ||
| I see so many people that write their tweets now, and afterwards they write sad. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's it! | |
| It's hilarious! | ||
| I mean, it's kind of funny in an ironic way. | ||
| If they mean it ironically, it's funny. | ||
| But it's really funny when they don't mean it ironically. | ||
| When they're mimicking the way Trump tweets. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I see it. | ||
| It's so common now. | ||
| Sad. | ||
| We got a president that tweets. | ||
| I know. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| I mean, Obama did too. | ||
| I know, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Shit. | |
| They don't know what the fuck they're talking about. | ||
| That was taken out of context. | ||
| That's a bad Trump impression. | ||
| He's like, Matthew Richard should have won. | ||
| He has a... | ||
| What is this? | ||
| This is what I could find on that Earth. | ||
| Giant impact creates moon. | ||
| Scientists theory on a giant impact model seeking to explain the moon's creation. | ||
| Experts believe that an object that crashed into Earth... | ||
| Led to debris that later formed the moon. | ||
| New theory says an incident also created a smaller second moon. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| Where's that? | ||
| Yeah, it said these two moons right here. | ||
| It says they collided to create what we see now. | ||
| Oh, Jesus Christ. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It was really hard finding stuff on this. | ||
| Earth 1, Earth 2 stuff really brings up just a lot of stuff on DC. Wow, how would they figure these fucking people are so goddamn smart! | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| Their theory also says the slow impact forced most of the smaller moon to attach to the side of the moon as a thick new layer of the lunar crust. | ||
| How the fuck did you figure that out? | ||
| They're destined to collide. | ||
| There's no way out. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You should freak out, folks. | ||
| Everyone should freak out. | ||
| And then, uh, let's relax. | ||
| This is what's the most important thing to realize. | ||
| No matter what, we're in space. | ||
| No matter what. | ||
| No matter what you're saying. | ||
| The reality of what you're looking at, what you're focusing on, if you look close to your neighborhood or your city or your country, all of it is taking place in this ball hurling through infinity. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| Like, that is... | ||
| It's all figurative. | ||
| We're creating all of these social constructs. | ||
| Well, they're there. | ||
| You've got to deal with them. | ||
| I mean, you've got to deal with the consequences of, you know, assholes that fuck things up over here. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| These Hitler fellows. | ||
| You know, when you get a Hitler, you've really got to do something about it. | ||
| You know? | ||
| He's not just going to... | ||
| You can't just hug it out of him. | ||
| No, no. | ||
| Do you think he gets impeached? | ||
| Well, I'm not saying he's Hitler. | ||
| Oh, of course not. | ||
| I was actually talking about Hitler. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I wasn't talking about, like, what people call other people, he's like Hitler. | ||
| I never use that term. | ||
| And I don't think he is like Hitler. | ||
| No. | ||
| No, he's not. | ||
| Because he's not killing people. | ||
| No. | ||
| And also, you know, Hitler's a whole total different thing. | ||
| No, Hitler was Hitler. | ||
| Yeah, Hitler was Hitler. | ||
| It's so stupid. | ||
| I think Burr had a bit about it. | ||
| He did. | ||
| Maybe he has on his new special. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| I haven't seen his new special yet. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I've seen his new special. | |
| It's so great. | ||
| I saw him do the stand-up. | ||
| I need to sit down and watch it. | ||
| He's one of my favorites. | ||
| That's my favorite, is watching him pop into the store and do it. | ||
| And I watched him do that bit, and it's such a funny bit, because he's got a great point. | ||
| Yeah, he definitely does. | ||
| And I think it's a tired word now. | ||
| It is. | ||
| And no one's going to bring that fucking mustache back, though. | ||
| I'll do it. | ||
| You think so? | ||
| I'll bring it back. | ||
| No. | ||
| Ari did it once. | ||
| Wore it on stage. | ||
| People were so angry at him. | ||
| He's like, I'm a Jew. | ||
| I can do it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I have a Jew pass. | |
| It's so funny. | ||
| It's funny the things that we find offense in. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's a weird time for that. | ||
| Yeah, it is. | ||
| People are getting really upset at people talking about pretty much any subject that isn't about them as an individual. | ||
| And then if you do a subject, if you're a white man, you should be writing entirely about what a white man does. | ||
| Period. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| Just about white men. | ||
| And even then you shouldn't be doing it because you should shut the fuck up. | ||
| Nah, man. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| You can say whatever you can. | ||
| I believe in freedom of speech more than anything, but I also believe that you have to deal with the consequences of what you say. | ||
| Fuck yeah. | ||
| But it's also like we have to stop looking at each other as groups. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| White men as groups, white women as groups. | ||
| It's silly. | ||
| We're just a bunch of fucking people. | ||
| We've got to stop looking at each other as these groups based on what we look like or what part of the country we're in. | ||
| And that's eventually going to move to other countries. | ||
| It's just going to take time. | ||
| I just wonder when, you know, because the kind of relationship that we have with each other all piled in together in a city like this and living so comfortably and for the most part like relatively low crime even in a place like Los Angeles if you really consider it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That never existed in history. | ||
| This is a new thing. | ||
| So people get better at life. | ||
| They get better at figuring it out. | ||
| I think we're better now than ever before even though we still fuck it up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But we're real close to one day recognizing other countries just like states. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Just like, you know, like you could just pack up and move to Florida. | ||
| You know, there's going to be situations like that where people just go all over the world and go wherever they want. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's going to be weird. | ||
| I mean, it's also just progress. | ||
| Someone said it's like progress is measured by tombstone by tombstone. | ||
| Yeah, that's true. | ||
| It's like I look at my grandfather and like he's I love him to death and he was an immigrant to this country and he felt a certain way around about other people and races and it was one of those things was like I growing up growing up around that I realized it's like oh that's just kind of the way he thinks I don't have to think that way right I can treat people nice and be cool with everybody Yeah, yeah, it's I think that's more apparent now than ever before. | ||
| Yeah, I think that's people are more aware of The the similarities that we all share versus the differences more than ever before and people are more vocal I think any time in my life that I can remember I'm sure that during the civil rights movement people were very vocal about racial racial rights and you know when putting out or stomping out racial hatred But I don't remember it being like as much in the public forum as it is during the last like say like maybe 10 years or | ||
| so it seems like the people have They're much more organized in their ability to protest, to educate people, to explain things, to show things that people might not have been aware of before. | ||
| I think it's a lot of just social media and just the internet and having all that just readily more available. | ||
| Yeah, there's definitely that. | ||
| I think people... | ||
| Like I think people arguing having these conversations are super important even if they do get Shouty and stuff because that's I think that's how you learn is you have to have these awkward hard conversations Yeah, and they're there. | ||
| It's really hard. | ||
| It's it's hard to it's hard to think that every time you you buy anything anytime you Anytime you do any kind of interacting with someone you're A lot of the stuff that you're getting is coming from places where people live hard lives. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, really hard lives. | ||
| And people argue, well, hey, we've talked about this recently, they're like, well, hey, you know, that's how countries grow and prosper. | ||
| And, you know, they have to start out this way, and they have this, you know, revolution, industrial revolution, and all these people, they start manufacturing things. | ||
| The status of life goes up. | ||
| The quality of life goes up. | ||
| You're living much better than they ever lived before. | ||
| Yeah, but they don't live like us. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Right? | ||
| That's okay? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah. | |
| I don't know. | ||
| Yeah, they went from mud huts to straw or whatever's a better comparison. | ||
| Well, we were talking about those Foxconn employees. | ||
| Oh, yeah, yeah. | ||
| You know those folks that work and make iPhones? | ||
| Oh. | ||
| That jump off the roof so much that they have to put nets. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Dude. | ||
| Those people are stuck in terrible jobs. | ||
| Tell me that when you read a history book a thousand years from now, and they talk about what kind of barbarians we are in 2017, they will start to talk about the rise of the machine. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, absolutely. | |
| And they will talk about the cell phone. | ||
| And they were like, the people coveted the cell phone so much. | ||
| That they found a way to compartmentalize their ideas about slave labor to the point where these people worked 16 hours a day in a gigantic concrete structure making their beloved phones. | ||
| And they hated their job so much and they jumped off the building so much, they put nets around the building. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But the people kept buying phones. | |
| But didn't they have enough phones already? | ||
|
unidentified
|
They did! | |
| They did! | ||
| They didn't care! | ||
| They wanted better phones! | ||
| New phones! | ||
| Hire more jumpers! | ||
| More meat for the same. | ||
| Isn't that what the pyramids maybe we think kind of are? | ||
| They were potentially created by slave labor and they were worshipped things for ideally like a religion type thing. | ||
| I think they used to think it was slave labor. | ||
| I know we don't know for sure. | ||
| Yeah, but I think they don't think that now. | ||
| I think the most recent theory is that they were very skilled workers because of the food that they got. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They were almost like praised because of the craftsmanship they could do. | ||
| Go back to ancient Greece or ancient Rome and their giant places of worship, their gods and whatnot. | ||
| I'm sure those were made by regular workers. | ||
| You're right, but here's the thing. | ||
| Those things were really like art. | ||
| I think we look at buildings a little bit different when we think about someone being forced to build something. | ||
| We think of the person who's being forced to build it as being a low-paid worker. | ||
| Whereas in those environments, that person might have been a goddamn superstar. | ||
| Like a guy who could build a marble coliseum. | ||
| You know, guys who are building those pillars. | ||
| People who are figuring out how to stack these gigantic stones perfectly on top of each other and make stone pillars. | ||
| How the fuck did they figure that out? | ||
| That's what I mean. | ||
| The smart guy wasn't lifting it. | ||
| He was telling all the rest of the guys how to get it up. | ||
| Maybe yes, but maybe they were all together. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Maybe. | |
| I think more likely you had a lot of smart people and then you had a few like Leonardo da Vinci's who were fucking super geniuses who had figured out a bunch of crazy shit and was designing things and drawing things and these people were just like these rare blips of like superpower creativity that exist all throughout history and they propel us forward. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Steve Jobs? | ||
| Yeah, sure. | ||
| He's one of those kind of guys. | ||
| Was it Da Vinci? | ||
| I can't remember which artist it was, but they would make all these ideas and they'd have their understudies or people that were almost as skilled as them do these things and make them. | ||
| I mean, I think that's what happened with the pyramids and stuff. | ||
| They probably had these people that were planning, but you also still need skilled workers to build these. | ||
| Yeah, I think, well, particularly with something like the pyramids, there's a tremendous amount of math involved. | ||
| And they're all doing this somehow or another when they didn't even have steel. | ||
| No. | ||
| They supposedly had copper tools, and they figured out some way to grind these stones so perfectly they just sit on top of each other, just completely flat, leveled. | ||
| Barely stick a card in the crease. | ||
| When I was looking up the stuff on the Foxconn factories, I remember it said the reason why, or at least that was their argument, why they weren't in America is because they had upwards of like 30,000 mechanical engineers and electronical engineers at the ready. | ||
| So those would be your skilled workers. | ||
| And there still are slave laborers underneath them. | ||
| But those are the extra people that maybe that's why it's not happening. | ||
| That makes sense, because I guess with something like that, where the demand is so high and the quality and the standard is so high, like iPhones, say what you want about iPhones, I've dropped this fucking stupid thing seven or eight times and it works great, you know? | ||
| I love this thing to death. | ||
| They can take a beating, man. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| They can take a fucking beating. | ||
| These things are weird. | ||
| When these things take over, I think it's going to be an Apple robot that takes over. | ||
| I'm resisting that watch, but it's looking tempting. | ||
| It tells you your heart rate. | ||
| I bought my girlfriend one, and she loves it, and I just... | ||
| I don't want to be... | ||
| Those headphones are going to be great. | ||
| The new iPhone's going to be cool when they announce it soon. | ||
| God damn it! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Stop! | |
| They can't stop. | ||
| Get back on your work duty! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Make the machine! | |
| You know these people are having romances, connected to each other, looking at each other through glass while they're wearing goggles and they're making phones. | ||
| That's the only socializing they get to do. | ||
| Do you think we might have a bounce back moment where it rebounds a little bit? | ||
| Mumford and Sons take over? | ||
| Not like that, but there might be a day where we see if next week happens, we can stop it, but we need to stop all of our jobs from being taken. | ||
| We're fucked. | ||
| Just drinking out of mason jars and wearing fucking suede boots. | ||
| You're just resisting the inevitable, sir! | ||
| You do not need a fiddle in the woods! | ||
| You're on the porch with a fiddle with your friends, non-ironically singing together in perfect tune. | ||
| How dare you? | ||
| You're not gonna stop the rock that's headed this way. | ||
| That music might... | ||
| nah. | ||
| How many thousand feet did we figure out? | ||
| Ten miles a second. | ||
| Oh, Jesus Christ. | ||
| I can't even comprehend how fast that is. | ||
| It makes my whole body hurt. | ||
| Just hearing that, I just like go limp. | ||
| I remember I was living in San Jose when I found out. | ||
| I had a really great science teacher, and it would just blow my mind all the time. | ||
| And I remember listening to him, and he was talking about how when you look at stars, you're actually looking in the past, technically. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Because the light's just hitting us. | ||
| It's taking so long to travel. | ||
| This is something that's happened a long time ago. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| When they look deeper and deeper into the universe, they're literally looking into a time machine. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's so insane. | ||
| It's hard for your stupid little head to figure out what these people figured out and how they all had to agree on it. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| I know this is going to sound crazy, but what I'm thinking is when we're looking at those stars, we're looking back in time. | ||
| Like, that's what I was going to say, but it sounded too crazy. | ||
| Okay, are we right? | ||
| I think we're right. | ||
| Let's look at this. | ||
| Let's look at this. | ||
| Get the pads out. | ||
| They calculate it. | ||
| Calculating it. | ||
| Like, okay, when do we go public with this? | ||
| I think we're good. | ||
| I think we're locked in. | ||
| We have discovered that the Earth is 4.7 billion years old. | ||
| And people are... | ||
| Just telling us these calculations like we're waking up in the middle of this trip. | ||
| It's like we are literally on a spaceship. | ||
| And the spaceship is hurling towards somewhere. | ||
| And in the middle of this waking up, we have to learn how to speak. | ||
| We have to learn how to remember to write things down that we've already figured out. | ||
| We have to be able to save those things, send them down to the next people so they don't have to figure it out on their own. | ||
| And then the next people, the next people, everybody work together. | ||
| And while this is happening, you're waking up in the middle of a spaceship. | ||
| And it's flying. | ||
| It's like a sci-fi movie. | ||
| It is a sci-fi movie. | ||
| It literally is what's happening. | ||
| Think about how much information has been lost throughout time. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Like the pyramids. | ||
| That's a perfect example. | ||
| The Great Pyramid of Giza, if you look at all those insane photographs, when they do those 3Ds, when they go over it, you know, with a drone and film it, and you just look at it, you go, that is an insane accomplishment. | ||
| Like, I can't imagine what it feels like to be there in real life. | ||
| I wish it wasn't such a sketchy part of the world right now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know! | |
| I would like to go over there. | ||
| I mean, I'll be fine. | ||
| I just gotta grow the beard out a little bit longer and be quiet. | ||
| Dude, you would slip right in. | ||
| Have a nice one of them little hats. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Those little white hats with the lingerie style. | ||
| I wouldn't get back in, but I would totally, totally be able to chill. | ||
| You'd slip right in, bro. | ||
| No problem, man. | ||
| Let that hair get just a little bit scragglier in your beard. | ||
| You're good. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| You know, and just talk like you got a sore throat. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I can't talk. | |
| I can't talk. | ||
| That's one of the jokes that I'm doing now that I really had fun with, which is like the idea of me getting deported and going back to Mexico and having just to be quiet the whole time. | ||
| Because you can't speak Spanish? | ||
| Because I can't speak Spanish and I can't like let them know. | ||
| Does that piss off some Mexicans? | ||
| Some Mexican-Americans that you can't speak Spanish? | ||
| In San Jose it did a little bit growing up. | ||
| Some, well older Mexicans, because it's like they look at me and they're just like, oh god, what have we done? | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Like at what cost is our freedom and our dreams? | ||
| It's kind of... | ||
| Well, I didn't learn because there was a moment for my grandparents and my mom and my dad where it was like, we don't want people to know he's... | ||
| Because it was almost looked down upon that he's like, you're speaking Spanish in public. | ||
| You have to speak English, blah, blah, blah. | ||
| But now it's the point where it's much more of a benefit to learn multiple languages. | ||
| Well, I would think if you were a guy who could speak Spanish, you could work in all sorts of different countries in South America, too. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| You know? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What the fuck? | |
| Is there a leak? | ||
| We just had a serious leak, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| Hilarious. | ||
| It's going... | ||
| It's hitting the ceiling. | ||
| Yeah, we had a serious leak in our building. | ||
| It's fucking raining cats and dogs out there. | ||
| Making this building wet. | ||
| Are we in trouble? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Depends where it is. | ||
| What, if it hits electricity, you're saying? | ||
| Yeah, I mean, I don't know. | ||
| Should we get the fuck out of here? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I told you I'm not good with electricity once it hits that level of... | |
| Whatever. | ||
| Well, whatever happened, it seems to me like water pooled up somewhere and then released. | ||
| It sounds like it's right above us on that. | ||
| I don't know if there's electronic wires up there or whatnot or how it could have came in or what it could probably look. | ||
| The drama is thick. | ||
| That'd be a great credit just to die on Joe Rogan's podcast. | ||
| Dude, don't die. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I will. | |
| We could avoid this disaster. | ||
| Again, the sky is letting us know that we have no control of the future. | ||
| The universe is like, you guys gotta stop talking about asteroids. | ||
| Get too close. | ||
| Universe is like, listen, bitch, you got your own problems to worry about. | ||
| How about this fucking water from the sky? | ||
| You need water? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's all the fucking water! | |
| Some Mexicans are, a lot more Mexicans are cooler than now when they meet me because they're just like, they're proud. | ||
| It's a sense of pride. | ||
| Like a lot of Mexicans in San Jose hit me up, like a lot of young kids after I won, like hit me up and they're like, yeah, fuck yeah, San Jose, blah, blah, blah. | ||
| And they're like, you know, I want to do stand-up and they ask me for advice and I just, you know, just tell them, man, just do mics and shit. | ||
| Yeah, no, you're in a great position right now as being a guy who's successful. | ||
| Uh-oh, Jamie's going to go look. | ||
| You got your rubber gloves? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, I'm just going to look at the water coming in. | |
| Uh-oh. | ||
| We've got a serious situation here, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right here. | |
| He's right by a light. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| It's not good. | ||
| It's not good. | ||
| Want to shut that light off? | ||
| Okay, I should shut all the lights off. | ||
| No, don't do that. | ||
| You don't want to talk in the dark? | ||
| Let's just see what happens. | ||
| I feel good about this. | ||
| I do too, you know? | ||
| It's just a leak. | ||
| Just the water pouring down on us. | ||
| So they're evacuating parts of Northern California, correct? | ||
| I think that was... | ||
| I think it was a notification in case there's road... | ||
| It's probably because we're near some of the hills. | ||
| In case you're in an area where your road's going to be enclosed or there's a butt slide, where to go. | ||
| Be ready to leave in case you have to or something. | ||
| Dude, I went down Laurel and there was a house that fell off the side of the cliff. | ||
| That's... | ||
| Driving and watching, looking at those houses, I get anxiety just watching those houses. | ||
| They had a giant back porch, and it just broke off and slid down the side of the hill. | ||
| Imagine just being that guy that made so much money that you were like, finally, I get to enjoy my porch, it's raining, I get to look at all the Hollywood hills, I've worked so hard, and then it's just like... | ||
| Dude, that's like a life-changing disaster. | ||
| Like, when your house breaks and slides down a hill, that will change your fucking life. | ||
| There was a whole house that slid down the hill. | ||
| You hear it again, Jamie? | ||
| Ooh, it's coming in hard. | ||
| I hear it outside. | ||
| I don't hear it coming in anymore. | ||
| I heard, like, another... | ||
| There was a couple drips, but I think they stopped. | ||
| Um... | ||
| What were we just talking about? | ||
| I'm so big. | ||
| Medslide house. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| A house on... | ||
| Was it on Topanga? | ||
| No. | ||
| It was on Laurel. | ||
| It was on Laurel coming up over Laurel Canyon. | ||
| I don't know if you were here like four or five years ago. | ||
| There was a house that slid off the side of the hill. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| And you could drive by it and you see the house like... | ||
| It wasn't like that much of a hill either. | ||
| I mean, you know... | ||
| It's decent, but whatever was behind it was the problem. | ||
| It kind of pushed it forward. | ||
| The ground broke loose above it and pushed it forward. | ||
| It was like a big-ass lawsuit and lasted forever. | ||
| But I would always drive by looking at that place going, this is supposed to happen like this. | ||
| It shifts constantly. | ||
| Our idea that we could just pitch a tent forever is fucking ridiculous. | ||
| Earth's crust is not that deep, right? | ||
| Not deep enough for my taste. | ||
| Exactly, you know what I mean? | ||
| It's just lava at the bottom of it. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| I think it's... | ||
| I'm probably gonna say something real stupid. | ||
| Like, oh, it's like seven miles deep, but I feel like it's not that deep. | ||
| Yeah, I don't think it's that much more than that. | ||
| I know there was this mining operation. | ||
| I'd like to find out what the exact number is. | ||
| There was some mining operation that they were doing this article about... | ||
| How many miles is it, Jamie? | ||
| What's that? | ||
| Crust. | ||
| I initially hit the radius. | ||
| It says about 4,000 miles, but that's the radius. | ||
| So it averages about 18 miles under the continents, but it's only about three miles under the ocean. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| Only about three miles under the ocean? | ||
| And then lava? | ||
| That's how Hawaii gets brought up. | ||
| God damn. | ||
| I don't think that's deep enough for me. | ||
| That seems weird. | ||
| We're like, there's a ball of lava under our feet. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| Yeah, we're just the crust over the sun. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| That's not good. | ||
| There was some article I was saying that I read about a mining operation where they were talking about how warm it got as you got lower and lower, deeper and deeper into the earth. | ||
| You could literally feel the heat of the fucking lava that these assholes are drilling next to. | ||
| How quick? | ||
| Dude, you hit wrong, wrong vein. | ||
| Oh, God. | ||
| You hit wrong... | ||
| I can't even speak. | ||
| You hit one wrong vein. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, that's terrifying. | ||
| I wonder if they have that down to a science. | ||
| Obviously they do. | ||
| But do they know exactly that they're never going to, like, drill a hole into the lava and have it spew out through the top like a zit? | ||
| There's got to be mistakes that have been made. | ||
| Could you imagine if that happened? | ||
| Could you imagine if these guys were, like, trying to get more diamonds? | ||
| Like, there's more diamonds there, but here's the deal. | ||
| A foot past the diamonds is the center of the fucking earth. | ||
| Yeah, so don't drill too close. | ||
| We're going to have to wear space suits that won't allow you to use your hands. | ||
| So everything's going to be done on a keypad. | ||
| You're going to have the iPad strapped to you, and you're going to have to program it like this. | ||
| And they'll try to suck the last diamond out and then they'll see the bubble of red where that last diamond hole was. | ||
| And then that's the last thing they see is the explosion as that hot lava shoots past them like a broken fire hydrant. | ||
| Just boom! | ||
| And right out of the surface of the earth just sprays lava into the sky. | ||
| For years. | ||
| And years. | ||
| There's probably one chick who's just like, I want that diamond. | ||
| How big is that diamond? | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's the diamond that killed everybody and I need it for you to show me you love me. | |
| There's a person like that out there. | ||
| You know there are. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, absolutely. | |
| Don't get mad. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sexual stereotypes are disgusting and wrong for everybody. | |
| I'm looking at diamonds right now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Actually, not diamonds, but an emerald. | |
| Dude, engagement rings are brutality. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| You know those goddamn things aren't even worth anything? | ||
| Yeah, they're... | ||
| Well, they are, definitely, because people buy it. | ||
| But the reason why people buy it for so much is because they've stockpiled all these fucking diamonds and they control the price. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| It's so smart. | ||
| You gotta give it up for the Jews. | ||
| Give it up. | ||
| Strong marketing strategy. | ||
| Are they the Jews that run the diamonds? | ||
| It's not a bad thing to say. | ||
| People would say that that's racist. | ||
| I'll tell you it's not racist if it's a positive quality. | ||
| They're awesome at business. | ||
| How is that racist? | ||
| Why was everybody so sensitive that you can't even say something in jest about a person's positive attributes when people think you're racist? | ||
| Oh, you said the Jews are good about business! | ||
| Well, that's a good thing. | ||
| It's a good thing to be good with business, you fuckhead. | ||
| My uncle, when I told him I had an agent, he was just like, I have one piece of advice to give you. | ||
| And he was like, he was like, what kind of manager do you have? | ||
| And I was like, oh, he's like, it's with this company. | ||
| He was like, no, no, no, like, what, you know? | ||
| And I was like, oh, he's Jewish? | ||
| And he was like, That's a good move. | ||
| And I was like, what? | ||
| I know the business. | ||
| Yeah, that was all he said to me. | ||
| I was like, that's the weirdest thing. | ||
| It was so funny to me. | ||
| It's a weird thing, Jewish folks, because, especially like European Jews, there's more Nobel Prize winning European Jews than I think anybody. | ||
| It's really weird. | ||
| Like, there's a pillar of science, or just a pillar of, pillar's not a good word, a collective of incredible minds that have come out of European Jews for some strange reason. | ||
| I feel like they're all hilarious, too. | ||
| European Jews? | ||
| Really? | ||
| Like, name one. | ||
| No, I'm just kidding. | ||
| What are you saying? | ||
| Oh, why, I was just saying... | ||
| Smoked yourself a tartar song? | ||
| What in the fuck? | ||
| You keep going, huh? | ||
| You're one of those keep going dudes. | ||
| I love smoking weed. | ||
| You don't just take the high and say, this is it, I'm good. | ||
| Just ride it out. | ||
| Yeah, I love riding it out. | ||
| Were you a big stoner growing up? | ||
| No, not until I was 30. What would you say, Jamie? | ||
| When you're talking about diamonds, have you ever seen the people that dig for diamond dust and gold dust in the streets of New York? | ||
| I don't know exactly what street it is, but you know that diamond area where they're all doing exchanges and whatnot? | ||
| When they're looking at them in their car and whatnot, dust gets on their pants and little flecks fall off and they get into the street and into the dust. | ||
| Here's a video. | ||
| There's probably more people that do it now, obviously, but they just dig through the dirt and the dust and the street cracks and whatnot, and they can take it home and they can find hundreds or thousands of dollars worth of diamond dust and gold dust and diamond flex. | ||
| I'm sure occasionally they get really lucky and find a whole one. | ||
| What? | ||
| It's just based off of that's where all of it is happening on that one block in New York. | ||
| That's insane. | ||
| Yeah, old school panning, yeah. | ||
| That's insane. | ||
| They're panning for gold in front of these diamond stores. | ||
| And that's probably not what they found there, but... | ||
| Yeah, I heard about this a couple years ago, and I just thought maybe you'd heard about it since you lived there before. | ||
| Dude, well, I never lived in Manhattan. | ||
| I lived in New Rochelle. | ||
| I couldn't afford to live in Manhattan. | ||
| That's amazing, though. | ||
| I've always wanted to move to New York. | ||
| New York's crazy, but when I was living there, I was Poe, and I couldn't afford the parking. | ||
| I would have had to get a really shitty apartment. | ||
| My apartment in New Rochelle was pretty shitty, too, but I would have had to get a parking spot, and you have to pay every month. | ||
| Whoa, I didn't know that. | ||
| Yeah, it could be a lot of money, too, like thousands of dollars. | ||
| Oh, that's insane. | ||
| Yes, I mean, that's as high as it could go. | ||
| I wonder what, like, a good... | ||
| What's a good monthly rate for parking in a parking structure in New York City? | ||
| It's pretty... | ||
| I've heard comics talk about it. | ||
| It's pretty ridiculous. | ||
| So a lot of them don't keep cars because now you can just Uber any way you want. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Take cabs and go all over the city. | ||
| But back in the day, if you wanted to live there and you wanted to do road trips, you had to have a place to keep your car. | ||
| And it was like... | ||
| Insurmountable for me. | ||
| There's no way. | ||
| In my day, I remember it being something like $700 a month just to park your car. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah, and I was like, what? | ||
| Even then, there's just so much traffic in New York. | ||
| Yeah, and this is back when I was making like $350 a week on average. | ||
| So it was ridiculous. | ||
| It's probably less than that now, but there's different areas. | ||
| It looks like it's anywhere from $300 plus up, $375. | ||
| There's different garages now. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| So you can get it as low as 300 bucks? | ||
| Find some that say 250. What's an expensive one? | ||
| The ones that I saw that were cheaper, they stack you on top of each other. | ||
| I don't know if you've ever seen that. | ||
| That's really nuts. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't remember it was $700. | ||
| What do you mean, stack on top of each other? | ||
| They stick them into these machines, and the machines lift up. | ||
| And then another car gets driven in, and the machine continues to lift up. | ||
| And so, like, you have to drive the cars out, and then bring the thing down, and drive that car out, and bring the thing down. | ||
| And you might have to do that with, like, three or four cars. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look. | |
| Yo, that's fucking crazy. | ||
| That sounds terrible. | ||
| It is so crazy that they could do that. | ||
| So this is the way they save space and stack cars. | ||
| And it actually does work, but Jesus Christ, how weird is that? | ||
| They have your car up. | ||
| I mean, tell me one of these guys who works there can't fuck up one day. | ||
| People fuck things up, man. | ||
| Yeah, there's got to be an accident that's happening. | ||
| People fuck things up. | ||
| You know a car's fallen off that thing and landed on someone's head. | ||
| For sure, right? | ||
| That's had to have happened, don't you think? | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| I've seen valet drivers. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, maybe I was wrong about how much it costs, or maybe I had a very expensive one near me, and maybe it's because they stacked them, they could do it for $300. | ||
| But whatever the amount was, I don't remember what it was. | ||
| I didn't make any fucking money back then, so there's no way it was going to work. | ||
| Were you serving back then? | ||
| No, back then, when I lived in New Rochelle, it was my first attempt at living off stand-up. | ||
| That was my first actual attempt. | ||
| Before, I'd always had day jobs. | ||
| I had a day job driving limos. | ||
| I had a day job delivering newspapers. | ||
| And so then I went from there to New York. | ||
| And when I went to New York, I was just like... | ||
| Almost making money doing stand-up like almost almost like some months I made it this month next month fuck I don't have any gigs, you know, it was like almost being able to pull it off So whatever the amount for parking and then living in New York City Plus the thing about New York City is New York's amazing and it's there's it's incredible you can hop around and go from club to club to club But it's it was harder at the time at least to do long sets So I wanted to do like sets That prepare me for headlining on the road. | ||
| I wanted to keep doing that set, even during the weekdays, so I'd just try to get it stronger and do it all as a whole. | ||
| And that was really only available on the road for a guy like me. | ||
| I feel like that's kind of where I'm at now. | ||
| This was the first month I was ever able to pay my bills and everything off a stand-up, and that was a great feeling. | ||
| Dude, you're at the launching pad! | ||
| Well, I mean, I just got to be smart about it because, I mean, now that I have money, that's all just going to rent so I can afford to be on the road and to build that time to where I can, you know, feature regularly and then make that money. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| It's all for you right now about writing new shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That's it. | ||
| And I'm so excited about doing it. | ||
| Hustling, hustling, hustling, hustling. | ||
| Yeah, it's cool. | ||
| It's a really interesting time for you. | ||
| But that's a great feeling, though, for you, too. | ||
| I mean, that moment when you were able to just live off stand-up. | ||
| It was scary. | ||
| I didn't think I was gonna make it. | ||
| I was bombing a lot, too. | ||
| I was eating a lot of dick. | ||
| Every other show, something would go wrong. | ||
| I'd go down hard. | ||
| I mean, I got my girl with me, so it's real. | ||
| When your girl sees you bomb, that's rough. | ||
| Yeah, it is. | ||
| She's seen me bomb. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Rough. | |
| Rough on the ego. | ||
| She was cool, though, because she has that support system where she'd be like, yeah, you need to work harder. | ||
| But she knows I'm funny. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Now it's finally paying off for her, too. | ||
| Well, you could be a hard worker and not be funny. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| That's a problem. | ||
| It's when the person is funny and is a hard worker, that's what you try to maintain. | ||
| You try to maintain that balance. | ||
| But a lot of times you get either or. | ||
| But that's the case with everything. | ||
| It's dripping hard here, man. | ||
| I keep hearing that behind me. | ||
| I'm scared. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's cool, though, dude. | ||
| Are you enjoying it? | ||
| I'm loving it, man. | ||
| It's fun. | ||
| I've never... | ||
| I mean... | ||
| Do you feel certain about everything? | ||
| Do you feel anxious? | ||
| How do you feel about the future? | ||
| Do you feel excited? | ||
| Do you feel... | ||
| I feel really excited. | ||
| Because I don't feel... | ||
| The only reason I'd feel anxious is if I knew that I couldn't do it. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Now it's like... | ||
| For me, I think of it like this. | ||
| It's like I've worked so hard, I've worked so many jobs, I've worked so many things to get this opportunity, so why would I squander it? | ||
| If I've worked so hard now, why wouldn't I keep working harder? | ||
| That's the perfect attitude. | ||
| But I'm also like, I'm not going to be one of those guys that's like, you know, oh, I'm a headliner now, because I'm not. | ||
| Yeah, that's good too, man. | ||
| I need to get better at stand-up. | ||
| But you could, you know, like a little of that, like Tony Hinchcliffe's got a lot of that in him. | ||
| But it's also why Tony Hinchcliffe's so fucking funny. | ||
| You know, he rides it out and he does it the right way. | ||
| Tony Hinchcliffe's a funny motherfucker. | ||
| Tony Hinchcliffe's a mentor of mine, man. | ||
| I mean, he was one of the first guys I talked to when I had my first roast battle. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Well, he's another dude that fucking hustles. | ||
| Tony hustles. | ||
| He's always hustling. | ||
| That kid works hard. | ||
| He's very impressive in that way. | ||
| He's a bad motherfucker. | ||
| He is. | ||
| And he's always writing new shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, he is. | |
| Always. | ||
| Constantly. | ||
| There was a picture you posted of him when I was... | ||
| I remember when I was... | ||
| Younger in comedy. | ||
| I don't know if I'd worked here at the time. | ||
| I think I had. | ||
| I think I was with DoorGuy. | ||
| And you had posted a picture of him, and it was right after you guys did a set, and you had posted a picture of him on the plane writing new jokes already, and you were just like, this guy just did a set, blah, blah, and he's already writing new jokes. | ||
| Yeah, Tony writes constantly. | ||
| I think you have to. | ||
| He can't commit to a laptop, though. | ||
| He's got this stupid setup where he has an iPad and his little fake keyboard. | ||
| I think he just got one. | ||
| Oh, finally. | ||
| Welcome to 2017. Yeah, he would say, I don't even need it. | ||
| I go, you can't even store anything on this piece of shit. | ||
| What are you doing here? | ||
| You can't even put a file on your desktop. | ||
| Stop pretending that's a computer. | ||
| Get a goddamn computer. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| It's weird, right? | ||
| People and their iPads. | ||
| He was a door guy. | ||
| Yep, exactly. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, he's one of the best examples of a recent graduate because he wasn't a door guy that long ago. | ||
| No, not at all. | ||
| Tony's always had his fucking nose to the grindstone. | ||
| But really smart about it, too. | ||
| Really good with taking apart his act, retrying things in a different order, slipping new stuff in there, you know? | ||
| It's cool, too, like, as a guy like you working, you know, as you're sort of getting everything going and working at a place like the comic stores, you get to see a bunch of different ways people do it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Which is really, like, that main room show on a Saturday night when you're getting to see, you know, five, six, seven headliners in a row and you get to see what's the difference in how they handle things and how they set things up. | ||
| The 9 o'clock spot, the 9.15, the 9.30, the 9.45. | ||
| You're getting, like, this crazy education in stand-up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, I watch people... | ||
| I mean, it's cool because I've got to see the different careers and paths of people, like watching Brian Moses go from a door guy to the host of his own show that he created, along with a lot of great people in the community. | ||
| And just to see him do that and to see where his career's going, and also to see Tony, same thing, his career... | ||
| And just the path he's taking. | ||
| And he also used to write for Jeff Ross and all these things. | ||
| And I got to ghost write too, send jokes in. | ||
| That was something he also taught me about was that he was just like, you know what? | ||
| He was just like, there's nothing. | ||
| He's like, when you know those roasts are coming, he's like, you've already done the roast battle. | ||
| He's like, just start pitching jokes. | ||
| Just ask. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| And I did. | ||
| And that's, I think, what also helped get me on the radar. | ||
| Yeah, for sure. | ||
| It is beautiful to see a guy like Moses get to host a show, too. | ||
| He's such a good dude. | ||
| He is one of the best dudes, and I owe so much to that guy because he was the one that pushed for me getting a job. | ||
| He was the one that's really had my back since day one. | ||
| There was a few times where just me being a young guy and having a bitterness, like when Rose Battle first went to Montreal, I was just young and bitter because I was like, oh, I'm not going. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Why? | |
| You know, blah, blah, blah. | ||
| I work on the show. | ||
| And I almost quit. | ||
| And then Moses was, if he wasn't like a big brother, he like took a person was just like, nah, man, stop fucking being a bitch. | ||
| You know, he's like, you can either get mad or work and get better. | ||
| And I did. | ||
| I stayed and I just kept battling. | ||
| I kept doing stand up. | ||
| And then the opportunity came and I knocked it out of the park. | ||
| Yeah, dude. | ||
| You killed it. | ||
| And you killed it at the perfect time. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So now, the launching pad of Crank Castio. | |
| That's my new song. | ||
| I couldn't have done it without all those guys, you know? | ||
| No, for sure. | ||
| And also, you pushing me, too. | ||
| Well, all of us together, you know, I really do honestly get inspiration from looking at your Instagram page. | ||
| For real, I'm not bullshitting at all. | ||
| I see your Instagram page. | ||
| I'm like, damn, this kid's hungry. | ||
| He's out there grinding, you know, constantly doing spots. | ||
| Those hard spots. | ||
| Well, it was you telling me that, too. | ||
| And also, it was like, just listening to you talk about those light spots. | ||
| Also, hearing you talk about having to go up after Pryor, especially if it's such a hard time for him, and like having to do those things. | ||
| I did that for like five weeks. | ||
| Yeah, man, that's crazy. | ||
| Yeah, it was the sad era of Pryor when, before he died, he was in real bad shape, but he still wanted to go on stage. | ||
| And he would go on stage and he was under medication. | ||
| You know, it's serious issues. | ||
| He couldn't walk. | ||
| And they would carry him up there and they'd crank the mic like... | ||
| It was so loud. | ||
| It was like hissing in the room. | ||
| He could barely talk and he would drink. | ||
| It was just real weird. | ||
| It was real weird. | ||
| He couldn't really do stand-up anymore. | ||
| He couldn't really form the sentences with the punchlines. | ||
| At least not in the sets that I saw. | ||
| Every one of them that I saw was hard to watch. | ||
| And I'm a giant Richard Pryor fan. | ||
| I mean, I think he's probably the all-time number one in my eyes. | ||
| I think he's number one. | ||
| If I look back at all the comics and their influence on people and the honesty that he had. | ||
| I mean, without Lenny Bruce, there's no one, right? | ||
| But essentially, and George Carlin plays a giant factor there, too. | ||
| There's a lot of guys that play a big factor, but I feel like Pryor was the guy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| To this day, I'll go back and watch his stuff and I go, in 1975, this was just genius. | ||
| Yeah, you look at everything that was going on in 1975. Yeah. | ||
| He came out as a comic and was just, you know, and that was the thing, like, everybody loved Pryor. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Everybody. | |
| Black people, white people, people that were rich, people that were poor. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And that's the thing that I like the most about him was, like, he could talk about these subjects and these jokes, and it didn't matter what kind of background you came from, you could relate to him. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| And he was, you know, essentially... | ||
| The godfather of this style of stand-up that both you and I do. | ||
| You know, in a lot of ways. | ||
| Like, without him, like, what would it have been like back then? | ||
| You know, like, who else was, like, even remotely as controversial and as insightful? | ||
| And the way he could perform? | ||
| The way he enunciated his words? | ||
| I mean, he had some fucking bits. | ||
| Goddamn. | ||
| I can't remember which special it was. | ||
| I think it might have been... | ||
| The first one, it shows him walking out on stage, the lights are still up, people aren't fully sat down at their seats, and he just walks in and he's like, alright guys, and he just starts getting them to come in, and you're just like, wow! | ||
| And he just, it's like, I think, I don't know if he gets right into it, but he just, you know, it's seamless. | ||
| Dude, remember when he would joke about lighting himself on fire? | ||
| So funny! | ||
| Right after the Freebasin thing happened. | ||
| I mean, come on. | ||
| Who has the balls to joke about lighting themselves on fire from Freebasin? | ||
| Like when Pee Wee Herman came back out after that huge thing happened. | ||
| He walks out. | ||
| I think it was like the first thing he was hosting right afterwards or something or presenting. | ||
| And he comes out and he goes, it's dead silent. | ||
| People are like just kind of looking at him. | ||
| And it's right after he got caught and stuff. | ||
| And he goes, you guys hear of any funny jokes lately? | ||
| And it was right at the time that everyone was cracking all those Pee-wee Herman jokes about him being the thing. | ||
| And it was just, you know, someone that can take, someone that can be serious and then still humanize themselves in a way like that. | ||
| And I think that's why the roast battle is so cool. | ||
| You're right, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, learn how to take it too, right? | ||
| Not just dish it out, but take it. | ||
| Yeah, Pee-wee Herman, man. | ||
| That was a really fascinating one. | ||
| Because people kind of stood up for him. | ||
| Like, yeah, leave the fucking guy alone. | ||
| No one's angry at Pee Wee Herman. | ||
| You don't have to arrest him. | ||
| Cut the shit. | ||
| Of course he was beaten off. | ||
| There's a bunch of dudes fucking on a 16-foot screen. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| What did you think was going to happen? | ||
| You should arrest all the guys that aren't beating off. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No shit, right? | ||
| They're gagging on each other. | ||
| Fucking pounding each other on the screen, and he's not supposed to beat off? | ||
| What's he supposed to do? | ||
| Right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Fuck, leave him alone. | ||
| Who are you saving? | ||
| You know? | ||
| Other dudes in there watching people fuck? | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| They feel threatened. | ||
| I like to watch people fuck in an art form. | ||
| I just imagine some dude, yeah, I'm here, just some guy's like getting ready and he turns, he's like, oh shit, is that, oh man, I'm such a huge fan. | ||
| Do you think, that's a crazy thing to say, but do you think that that would be almost like Like, watching people have sex in another time, in another culture, in another way, could almost be like an art form. | ||
| Almost be like an expressive art form. | ||
| Where, like, if people fucking on stage was, like, stand-up, and people went to watch these two people fuck? | ||
| Yeah, people went to see how good you fuck. | ||
| Oh, that would be hilarious. | ||
| You know, like, people do breakdancing moves. | ||
| Like, if sex wasn't super taboo. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| It's entirely possible that people would be fucking in front of each other to show how you do it. | ||
| Just like how people show how you dance on the dance floor. | ||
| You dance by yourself. | ||
| You're fucking doing break dancing and spinning around. | ||
| Now I just imagine there's just smaller open mic communities of people fucking in front of other people. | ||
| It's just like, I'm working on this hot fuck move for like a minute and I just feel like it's going to kill. | ||
| Dude, this one fuck move, I kick my one leg up and I catch it like I'm in standing bow pose and I just fuck by behind. | ||
| Kills the crowd every time. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Could you imagine if there was professional fuck shows and like people got cheered like Tong Po and fucking Kickboxer that walk out and everybody goes crazy. | ||
| Did you see his hot new hour? | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's here. | |
| He knows how to fuck. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Woo! | |
| Just get a standing ovation while this dude just finished. | ||
| Yeah, I mean sex is... | ||
| Obviously, it's pleasurable, but it's also there's motion involved. | ||
| There's a lot of things that we watch with motion involved that other people do that's fascinating, right? | ||
| Like gymnastics. | ||
| Gymnastics, there's no... | ||
| I mean, the only stakes are don't fall on your head, because we've seen people do that. | ||
| Don't break your leg, because we've seen people do that. | ||
| Those stakes are really high. | ||
| But other than that, why are you really doing that? | ||
| You're doing it to show how you move. | ||
| My favorite is, especially with guys... | ||
|
unidentified
|
What is this? | |
| That's exactly what you're describing, I think. | ||
| For real? | ||
| Oh, no way! | ||
| It's a sex festival in Europe called Salon Erotico de Barcelona. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| I saw this on an article in Vice where someone asked a bunch of people what they were taking... | ||
| They interviewed people that were taking photos at the thing and what they like to do with their photos and how creepy they are or not creepy. | ||
| They all seem pretty creepy. | ||
| Check this quote out. | ||
| That's so funny. | ||
| It's the feeling of, in quotes, I was there, I was inches away from it, I touched it, that makes looking at my own pictures more exciting. | ||
| All right. | ||
| Yeah, it's all these guys taking photos of these people having sex. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Super up close. | ||
| I see. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| That dude's got like a GoPro. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| And like, look how expensive that fucking flash is on his camera. | ||
| Oh, Jesus Christ. | ||
| What's that? | ||
| That's what a lot of the photos look like. | ||
| Just super up close guys. | ||
| Just getting way, way... | ||
| My favorite is this dude right in the front with the camera. | ||
| How weird are we? | ||
| That's so strange. | ||
| Yeah, but I don't think we're like these guys. | ||
| And so people just get together and they, no, I mean just humans collectively as a whole. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| They just get together and watch people fuck. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Look at this guy's face. | ||
| That guy's face is the best. | ||
| Oh, he's indulging. | ||
| That guy's been, he's been kept from without for so long. | ||
| Just the look of joy on some of these guys. | ||
| Like, I don't think that guy on the left is taking it seriously. | ||
| But I think this guy on the right is totally taking it seriously. | ||
| All these people, every single one of them is just dying for virtual sex to come out. | ||
| They're just dying. | ||
| They're just dying for that. | ||
| That's what's gonna change the whole goddamn ballgame, Frank. | ||
| They put those virtual HTC Vive goggles on and they watch sex acts like this. | ||
| They go there live, they have like sex-offs and shit. | ||
| Just wait until... | ||
| I can't wait till my girlfriend catches me with one of those. | ||
| Sex doll? | ||
| No, no. | ||
| Just like the VR thing. | ||
| I don't hear her come in. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's not good. | |
| I'm sure there's plenty of guys that have done that and been caught. | ||
| Oh, for sure. | ||
| There's got to be... | ||
| Yeah, for sure. | ||
| Guys are in jail for that. | ||
| I guarantee you. | ||
| Something went wrong. | ||
| And it all started off from them jerking off with the HTC Vive on. | ||
| Oh, that's hilarious. | ||
| The girl hits them with something. | ||
| And they throw it back at her and she gets knocked out. | ||
| I told my girlfriend I wanted to, when I get the, because I still haven't got the prize money, but when I do, I was like, I want to just get it in cash and just throw it at her. | ||
| So when she gets bruised, she can call the cops and they can be like, what happened? | ||
| How did these bruises come up? | ||
| And I'm just like, it was approximately $10,000 in damage. | ||
|
unidentified
|
She left. | |
| Taking her to Hawaii. | ||
| Hawaii's a good spot. | ||
| Which island? | ||
| Maui, I think. | ||
| Maui's awesome. | ||
| They're all awesome. | ||
| The big island is crazy because you could actually fly over the volcano. | ||
| You can get in one of those helicopters. | ||
| They'll take you to the place where the volcano empties into the ocean. | ||
| It's like creating more island as you fly over. | ||
| And you're like, whoa! | ||
| That's insane. | ||
| Yeah, you sleep weird at night with that knowledge. | ||
| Yeah, then I could just go at any time. | ||
| Yeah, you're on the side of an active volcano. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Those people live there in harmony, though. | ||
| It's really interesting. | ||
| I think that being that connected to nature the way they are, because they have the ocean there, and not to say that Hawaiian people don't have their problems, like everybody has their problems. | ||
| But Hawaiian people have a more relaxed, you know, what they'll call like island style way about them. | ||
| I think in some way it's probably influenced by the humility that you just naturally get by being so connected to nature. | ||
| The ocean right there, the mountains right there, it's just like they're so connected to it. | ||
| It's insane. | ||
| They have never had city blinders on. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Maybe a little bit in Honolulu, people do. | ||
| But out there on that big island, there's no city blinders, man. | ||
| You're looking at something like really insanely intense all the time. | ||
| Mountains and ocean. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| You're on a volcano, son. | ||
| It's beautiful. | ||
| And there's a bunch of times in history where the towns have had to evacuate. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| Because the lava's coming over the hill and it just wipes out the whole town. | ||
| The town doesn't even exist anymore. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Then dudes put up these little shacks on where the lava is and they rope it off and that's like their land now. | ||
| Like they go back to where their land is like GPSed out and they like put stakes in and make like a little fence over the fucking lava and then they put like a house there. | ||
| Have you seen that, Jamie? | ||
| See if you can find some photos of that. | ||
| It's so bizarre. | ||
| I was almost born in Hawaii. | ||
| Houses on the Big Island. | ||
| Temporary houses on the Big Island over lava fields. | ||
| Because these people, they lost everything. | ||
| And they're like, well, this is the only thing I have. | ||
| I'm just going to put a trailer up where my fucking house is supposed to be. | ||
| Imagine just watching that go down where your house just burns down and you're just like, yep, better start over. | ||
| I think in Hawaii what they should have is land set aside for people whose houses get fucked up by volcanoes. | ||
| It happens all the time. | ||
| Yeah, it seems like it happens enough where you should probably have a backup. | ||
| Maybe they do. | ||
| They have to have insurance or something. | ||
| I think they probably have insurance. | ||
| But do they have enough where they can relocate and have a house like their old house that got eaten by the lava? | ||
| Or is it enough to get a shitty apartment? | ||
| I don't know how much they get paid. | ||
| But I would think that there's plenty of land. | ||
| What am I saying? | ||
| What am I, a Marxist? | ||
| Give away their fucking land. | ||
| Give away the land to the people that... | ||
| You want me to find temporary houses, right? | ||
| Yeah, temporary houses on lava fields in Hawaii. | ||
| They staked it off. | ||
| I forget who showed it to me, but they staked off their area and tied it off with a ribbon or something like that. | ||
| Like, hey, this is my land. | ||
| Don't come inside this lava patch. | ||
| I own it. | ||
| It just highlights how preposterous it is to live there, but so awesome. | ||
| People will just stay there, though. | ||
| They love it. | ||
| I went fishing last time I was there. | ||
| I talked to this dude who had been living there for a long time, decades. | ||
| He started out on the East Coast. | ||
| And the way he was talking about it, man, the way he was talking about just life, I was like, this guy, he's so much more in tune with... | ||
| With just the reality of life itself, just the cycle of life. | ||
| Just seeing it out there on a boat in Hawaii, pulling back into the dock, living on this volcano in the middle of nowhere. | ||
| I mean, you're living in a magical land. | ||
| People daydream about that place. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, they go there once a year, and they just... | ||
| God, amazing. | ||
| The guy lives there. | ||
| He got there, and he was like, fuck, going back. | ||
| Yeah, he was like, oh, this is... | ||
| I could just stay here? | ||
| Fuck January in New York. | ||
| Like, what? | ||
| My mom went there for her senior trip, and then when her senior trip ended, she just didn't get back on the plane. | ||
| It's the move. | ||
| Yeah, here we go. | ||
| It's not quite what you're looking for. | ||
| Not quite, but similar. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| So this guy set it up on this lava field. | ||
| It's got a little house. | ||
| This is where my house used to be. | ||
| That's insane. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There was a whole piece on it and something that I was reading. | ||
| I don't remember what it was, but it was just, I get it, you know, the guy didn't want to, you know, that was his spot. | ||
| He liked the spot, and he could put a temporary house there. | ||
| But it's just, to me, it's so, it's just showing how powerful the will of nature is. | ||
| This insane idea that you're going to somehow or another stake claim to pieces of a volcano. | ||
| Look at that, man. | ||
| Where it's just cutting through the landscape. | ||
| Jesus Christ, that's insane. | ||
| That's a road. | ||
| Dude, it just swamped right through that place. | ||
| That picture, go back to that picture again. | ||
| Oh, look at that. | ||
| That's happening right there. | ||
| You can actually see it happening. | ||
| It's so slow, too. | ||
| This is insane. | ||
| Have you seen videos of just lava taking stuff out? | ||
| It's really slow, right? | ||
| Yeah, it's so slow. | ||
| How many feet a minute does it go? | ||
| It probably depends on... | ||
| And there's nothing they can do about it, right? | ||
| Nope. | ||
| They can't, like, push it back. | ||
| Look at that photo. | ||
| Look at that photo where it's just cutting through. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| The one up right there. | ||
| No, to the left of that guy with the red shirt. | ||
| See the guy to the left of that? | ||
| Yeah, click on that. | ||
| What in the fuck? | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| We're looking at the actual lava itself oozing, and when you look at it as a liquid rock... | ||
| Like a hot liquid rock. | ||
| You realize what it really is? | ||
| Like that this is like sort of... | ||
| This is like the seeds of the actual islands themselves. | ||
| There's people who go to those places and just get super close and study that. | ||
| That scares the shit out of me. | ||
| They study it real close. | ||
| There's been a few scientists who have died from that. | ||
| I'm sure. | ||
| It only makes sense. | ||
| I think there was actually a famous one that like... | ||
| What is that one? | ||
| Go above! | ||
| No, the one you were just, your cursor, right to the right of that. | ||
| Right to the right of that. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| That's a river. | ||
| That's a goddamn river. | ||
| A river of molten rock. | ||
| A river of molten rock, just cutting through the earth. | ||
| Oh my god, it starts way up there. | ||
| Imagine if things lived in there, like salmon, like evil demon salmon. | ||
| Lava salmon? | ||
| And you have these fucking evil demon bears that jump into the lava lake. | ||
| They can take a certain amount of lava and they're roaring because they're in pain. | ||
| They're looking for a fucking demon fish to eat. | ||
| There's a 10 meter high fountain of lava. | ||
| Oh Jesus Christ! | ||
| That's what the miners would create. | ||
| Those greedy, greedy gold miners. | ||
| If that thing hits you, oh god, imagine just a blob of that hitting your shoulder. | ||
| Fuck that, man. | ||
| Because even the suits that the scientists wear when they go out, if a thing popped up and it hit them, that'll eat right through them. | ||
| Goddamn. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How incredible. | |
| I think I saw something that you can... | ||
| You have a quick second. | ||
| It's not like hot coals quite, but... | ||
| It doesn't melt things as quick as it seems, or maybe it doesn't. | ||
| Jesus Christ, they're digging into it, man. | ||
| These guys are standing right next to it. | ||
| What the fuck are they doing? | ||
| I can't watch this. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Oh, that terrifies me. | ||
| Oh, it's just shooting out, folks. | ||
| We're looking at stuff just shooting out and splattering. | ||
| It's like the Earth's coming. | ||
| Oh, dude, that's gross. | ||
| Oh, how about this? | ||
| Cooking steak with lava? | ||
| Oh, I've seen that. | ||
| Yeah, that's pretty dope. | ||
| Yeah, they pour it. | ||
| Yeah, see, they pour it through this thing, and there's a grill underneath it. | ||
| And just the heat of the lava pouring under the grill cooks the shit out of these steaks. | ||
| That's pretty badass. | ||
| I bet that's a serious goddamn steak. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Woo! | |
| Look how he does it. | ||
| Damn. | ||
| Oh, is he tossing lava on top of it? | ||
| Oh no, he's pushing it down. | ||
| I've revised my cooking methods, Frank Castillo. | ||
| I used to cook with high temperature, and I just tried this last week with low temperature. | ||
| I'm changing my game. | ||
| Low temp's where it's at. | ||
| Do you cook? | ||
| My girlfriend does. | ||
| I know how to cook. | ||
| What do you know how to cook? | ||
| I know how to cook like steaks. | ||
| Don't say Mexican shit. | ||
| No, no. | ||
| I know how to cook like steaks, some pastas and stuff. | ||
| My girlfriend's probably watching this right now like, that's a fucking lie. | ||
| He hasn't cooked shit. | ||
| Do you, like, if you're alone by yourself, do you cook yourself a meal? | ||
| Most of the time, no. | ||
| Or I'll try to make myself a sandwich. | ||
| I'm the most unhealthiest person. | ||
| I gotta get back into it. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You do, dude. | ||
| It'll help your brain, too. | ||
| Oh, absolutely. | ||
| Eating healthy, being healthy definitely helps formulate your ideas. | ||
| And also, it alleviates you of a certain amount of tension that comes with a failing body. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| I used to wrestle and do jiu-jitsu for like two years out of high school, and that was the most fun I've ever had. | ||
| Because I wouldn't compete or anything, but it was just like I could eat whatever I wanted, and I would still just say the same. | ||
| I felt great about myself, and it was just nice. | ||
| Why don't you start doing it again? | ||
| I'm going to. | ||
| I'm going to look into it right after. | ||
| We'll get you an intense planet jiu-jitsu. | ||
| Did you do it with a gi or without a gi? | ||
| I did it with a gi. | ||
| Well, if you wanted to do that, there's John Jock Machado's. | ||
| That's close, too. | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| I've been to Machado's. | ||
| It's a great place. | ||
| And it's probably somewhere near your neighborhood. | ||
| We'll talk about it off-air. | ||
| Perfect. | ||
| That's even closer and probably just as good. | ||
| Southern California is one of the best places in the world if you want to learn jiu-jitsu. | ||
| Oh, yeah, absolutely. | ||
| There's so many legit schools. | ||
| There's two meccas, really, in this country. | ||
| There's a bunch of really good schools everywhere in this country. | ||
| I mean, jiu-jitsu is really widespread. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The Meccas. | ||
| There's a Mecca in New York, for sure, and there's a Mecca in Southern California. | ||
| But there's, like, Chicago's strong. | ||
| I mean, there's strong jiu-jitsu everywhere. | ||
| Phoenix, Arizona's strong. | ||
| There's, like, a lot of places have good jiu-jitsu. | ||
| And I love going on Instagram and watching the tournaments and just the different people. | ||
| Like, Buchecha's probably one of my favorite ones. | ||
| Do you ever follow Viral BJJ on Instagram? | ||
| Yeah, you liked a picture of it and I started watching it. | ||
| Dude, I try not to follow them too often, like to repost their stuff, because I want people to go there instead of looking at mine. | ||
| And maybe people find out about their videos, but they have the best collection of sick moves. | ||
| Just sick... | ||
| Like, move after move where you're like, oh, and you can, these are real moves that, like, I've been doing jiu-jitsu for a long time and I haven't seen before. | ||
| You know, I'm not the most knowledgeable guy when it comes to jiu-jitsu, but I know enough about it that when I see some completely new choke variation that I've never seen before and everybody starts doing it, I'm like, okay, that wasn't around. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Like, this guy, this guy's come up with some new thing and people come up with a new thing, you know. | ||
| It's pretty regular. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That's my favorite about watching jujitsu is you can just see people just... | ||
| The game's always changing. | ||
| That's the best part. | ||
| Well, you know what it is like, man? | ||
| It's like the same thing with striking. | ||
| When you see it at its highest level of expression, it's when it's only striking. | ||
| Striking at its highest level of expression, for me, is either professional boxing or professional kickboxing or Muay Thai. | ||
| That's where you see... | ||
| I think, to me, really, I like Muay Thai the best. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Because it seems like they're doing everything. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| So if you're going to agree to just stand up I feel like you should be able to do whatever you want to do when you're standing up in terms of elbows, knees. | ||
| It doesn't make any sense to limit clinching. | ||
| So I think that's the number one stand-up thing as far as what I want to see. | ||
| But the only way you get to see the highest level of expression is if there's no takedowns. | ||
| If there's no submissions. | ||
| Because as soon as there's takedowns, as soon as there's submissions, guys have a totally different way. | ||
| As soon as there's ground and pound, guys have a totally different way of competing and moving. | ||
| And you're not going to see the same... | ||
| As high a level of expression and just true striking. | ||
| And the same as with Jiu Jitsu. | ||
| Like you see a lot of crazy moves in Jiu Jitsu that you might not see if you had soccer kicks or stomps. | ||
| You probably wouldn't for a lot of those things. | ||
| Because there's a lot of stuff that people could do to mitigate your movement that they're agreeing not to do. | ||
| It's not that you're just totally controlling them, but to get the highest level of grappling to watch it, you really kind of have to have only grappling. | ||
| Yeah, because then it's like, these are rules we're agreeing to, and then from there, you can really start to learn how to bend the rules. | ||
| Yeah, it's amazing, man. | ||
| It really is like what you were talking about with verbal boxing. | ||
| It's like that in many ways. | ||
| There's strategy-based approaches to things, and that happens with jiu-jitsu, it happens with striking. | ||
| That's what's really interesting about martial arts more than... | ||
| People look at it in terms of this exciting, violent thing, this rah-rah, macho thing, which it definitely certainly is. | ||
| That's definitely certainly a part of the appeal of MMA. But also what the appeal is, is that it's insanely difficult to do, and you have to be insanely brave to choose to do it for a living. | ||
| And it's... | ||
| It's insanely dangerous because you might get shinned in the face. | ||
| You might get flying knee knockout. | ||
| There's a recent fight between Chris Weidman and Yoel Romero. | ||
| Did you see that fight? | ||
| Yeah, I saw a clip of him. | ||
| Dude, Weidman was doing really well in that fight too. | ||
| And Yoel Romero launched this flying knee that hit him dead in the head. | ||
| Just boom and just crushed him. | ||
| And I remember watching that going, and that's Chris Weidman. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's not like a regular dude. | ||
| That's former UFC champion Chris Weidman, one of the baddest motherfuckers on planet Earth. | ||
| And Yoel Romero just did that to him. | ||
| That is a sport that is like no other. | ||
| Any given Sunday, man. | ||
| What are you going to say, Jamie? | ||
| George St. Pierre signs to return to the UFC. Yeah, I heard. | ||
| I was talking to my friend Steffi Crooklyn from Twitter. | ||
| Steffi Hayes, the writer, and she was telling me about this. | ||
| She actually was the one who broke the news to me. | ||
| So George St. Pierre's gonna fight again. | ||
| Good for him, man. | ||
| Took some time off, chilled out. | ||
| Feels good. | ||
| Still training. | ||
| That's the thing about George. | ||
| Never got out of shape at all. | ||
| Constantly training, constantly learning. | ||
| I bet he's better than ever. | ||
| I bet he comes back and people think that he's going to have lost a step. | ||
| I bet he's better than ever. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He wouldn't be coming back if he wasn't. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I've been hearing crazy shit about his grappling. | ||
| I've been hearing his grappling just off the chain. | ||
| It's just better than ever. | ||
| That underestimating someone is a huge advantage and a tool. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Especially a guy like George St. Pierre. | ||
| George St. Pierre did not become George St. Pierre by not knowing what's up. | ||
| He knows what he's doing. | ||
| If he's coming back, it's because he knows he's healed up probably better than ever. | ||
| He's going to be really interesting to watch him return because he's different in the way he approaches fighting, I think, than almost anybody before him and he influenced so many people after him. | ||
| In that he almost has no ego when it comes to listening to his coaches and absorbing information and being taught. | ||
| You see him rolling and training and drilling with people. | ||
| And I've had the opportunity to drill with him and do some kick moves with him, go over some stuff, and he's just so open-minded and so fucking smart. | ||
| That guy's a really interesting dude because he's not a mean guy at all. | ||
| He's like you would never think if you met him that he was this world champion Like one of the greatest if not the greatest I would say the greatest welterweight of all time You know does that mean that he would beat Damian Maia 100% of the time? | ||
| No. | ||
| Does that mean he would beat Tyron Woodley? | ||
| Might not. | ||
| I don't know but if you look at his accomplishments he was in my opinion the greatest welterweight of all time and Super nice guy. | ||
| Yeah smart He speaks two languages, fluent English and fluent French. | ||
| Really fascinating guy, man. | ||
| So if he's coming back after this amount of time off, he knows what the fuck he's doing. | ||
| He's going to come strong. | ||
| He's going to look awesome. | ||
| Or, you know, I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's possible, too. | |
| Also today, wagering has opened up for McGregor Mayweather. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ooh. | |
| How can you do that if it hasn't really been signed? | ||
| It has to take place before May 31st, 2018. So if it doesn't happen, the bets just go away. | ||
| That kind of happens from time to time. | ||
| The card has to happen before your bet to actually be legit. | ||
| Did you see what Teddy Atlas said about it? | ||
| I'm sorry, go ahead. | ||
| I was going to say he opened up at minus 2,500, so 25 to 1. Against Berto, he opened up at minus 4,000. | ||
| I don't know if that's saying that McGregor's got a better chance to win, but usually it's just set on... | ||
| 25 to 1 is not so hot. | ||
| Yeah, McGregor's plus 1,100. | ||
| Yeah, I think conventional wisdom is that Floyd boxes the shit out of him. | ||
| But, uh, Teddy Atlas had something very interesting to say. | ||
| He thinks that Floyd is, uh, not recognizing the fact that Conor might just decide to get disqualified. | ||
| That, like, if it starts getting crazy, like, if they're in the middle of a fight, and he decides, like, he can't beat him, he might decide to, uh, just fucking flip him on his ass. | ||
| Atlas McGregor will cheat against Mayweather, then proclaim himself as King of the Ring. | ||
| That's an interesting thought. | ||
| Well, here's the thing. | ||
| If McGregor decided to start kicking Floyd and decided to take him down, Floyd is a dead man. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| He's 100% dead. | ||
| Unless he catches Conor coming in with the haymaker to end all haymakers that can take that Irish assassin out with one punch, Conor's gonna grab him. | ||
| If he grabs him, he's gonna ragdoll him to the ground. | ||
| He's gonna do whatever the fuck he wants to do once he's there. | ||
| And if he doesn't do that, he'll kick him from the outside. | ||
| He can hit him from a place Floyd can't even touch him. | ||
| He'll just sidekick the shit out of his legs. | ||
| He'll stay on the outside, moving around. | ||
| Conor's a fast man. | ||
| He's not slow. | ||
| And in the first round, in particular, in the first round, if he decides to start kicking Floyd's legs, like if they agreed on that, like some sort of Inoki versus Ali match, did you ever see that? | ||
| No. | ||
| In, what was it, 1960s? | ||
| Muhammad Ali had a match against Inoki, who's this famous guy who was a pro wrestler. | ||
| What is Antonio Inoki? | ||
| Is that how you say his first name? | ||
| I think that's Antonio Inoki. | ||
| Sorry for people who are big fans of his. | ||
| He's awesome. | ||
| But I just forgot his name. | ||
| So he fought Ali, and what he did was he laid on his back and kicked Ali in the legs. | ||
| See, Ali would come near him and like he was gonna jab and Inoki would look like he was gonna- he didn't have any gloves on either. | ||
| It was weird because I don't know if it- like what the rules of the fight were. | ||
| You know, it seemed like Ali should have known that this dude could kick his legs. | ||
| So boom, see he would kick his legs and he kept doing it over and over again. | ||
| Look at Ali's kicking him and holding onto the ropes. | ||
| Like, no, no, you can't hold the ropes. | ||
| But you can kick the legs, but you can't hold the ropes. | ||
| Like, what? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, this was, I guess, when Ali was probably... | ||
| Look, he's kicking the inside of his legs. | ||
| This was probably when Ali was banned. | ||
| Does that make sense? | ||
| Is that when they did it? | ||
| It was in 76, it said. | ||
| Oh, that's way past that then. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, it was way past that. | |
| That's crazy. | ||
| So this must have been, he just needed the money. | ||
| Or they offered him a shitload of money. | ||
| But this is when he was the heavyweight champ then, right? | ||
| Is that the case? | ||
| Was Ali the champ at the time? | ||
| Oh, good. | ||
| He's kicking the fuck out of his leg. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| He's just butt scooting and kicking his legs and looking to get him in a leg lock. | ||
| It's just weird. | ||
| He was allowed to kick the legs. | ||
| I think we've talked about this. | ||
| They might have had some sort of an agreement that it was okay to kick the legs. | ||
| He said he was the reigning heavyweight champion. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| How nuts is that? | ||
| He was offered $6 million for the fight. | ||
| Whoa! | ||
| Ah, man! | ||
| Is that enough? | ||
| Yeah, well, I don't know if he won. | ||
| Did he win or did he get... | ||
| That's the thing about boxing is... | ||
| Oh, wait, the rules. | ||
| Okay, what did he say? | ||
| Vince McMahon Sr. was involved, too. | ||
| That's hilarious! | ||
| Senior, meaning Vince McMahon's dad? | ||
| Yeah, he sold tickets to a closed circuit telecast at Shea Stadium too. | ||
| No shit. | ||
| Almost 33,000 people showed up for that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Of course. | ||
| Of course everyone's going to want to see him box. | ||
| So what does it say about the rules like, oh, was he allowed to kick the legs? | ||
| What does it say? | ||
| There were varying claims over the years over what the rules actually were. | ||
| It says no limitations on kicking or grappling and all types of kicking, throwing, and grappling were allowed. | ||
| Gene LaBelle was the referee, so it's according to him. | ||
| Gene LaBelle was the referee. | ||
| Of course he was. | ||
| He's Gene LaBelle. | ||
| Gene LaBelle's a legendary judo character. | ||
| He's awesome. | ||
| He's been on the podcast. | ||
| He's a legendary guy in the world of martial arts. | ||
| Check out this last quote, too, from professional. | ||
| Bret Hart was working for Inoki at the time, and he claimed in an autobiography that the black Muslims who were backing Ali made it clear that if Inoki laid a finger on their champ, they would kill him. | ||
| That's why Inoki lay on his back for 15 rounds, kicking Ali in the shin so not to use his hands. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| That's interesting. | ||
| So he didn't have any gloves on. | ||
| He was allowed to punch him with no gloves? | ||
| And it said, well, I mean, he was allowed to maybe, but he didn't. | ||
| But other forces outside told him that if they... | ||
| That's what it says. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| It's a plane made by Bret Hart. | ||
| But you know what, man? | ||
| Bret Hart's an entertainer, isn't he? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, like entertainers make entertaining stories. | ||
| True. | ||
| Who knows? | ||
| That could be one of them plot lines. | ||
| Ooh. | ||
| You know, I mean, whenever you merge into the world of pro wrestling, another pro wrestler tells you, well, I know what happened, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The Illuminati came down and gave him an ultimatum. | |
| Lose the match to The Undertaker or we will take your house. | ||
| You know, who knows, man. | ||
| It's all plot lines for those folk. | ||
| Were you a big wrestling fan? | ||
| Nah, in high school I was. | ||
| What about you? | ||
| No, my cousins were huge wrestling fans and I was the smallest one that would always get suplexed. | ||
| Dude, that's not cool. | ||
| Did they at least suplex you on the couch? | ||
| Yeah, most of the time. | ||
| Yeah, Tony Hinchcliffe still to this day loves wrestling. | ||
| He almost took a job. | ||
| He almost took a job with the WWE as a writer. | ||
| They wanted him to move to New York, though. | ||
| I guess it's like Connecticut. | ||
| That's where their studio is. | ||
| And he's like, damn, he loves it, dude. | ||
| He goes to those matches and shit and goes nuts and cheers. | ||
| He's so silly. | ||
| Yeah, they have a podcast. | ||
| I think it's called The Four Horsemen. | ||
| Ooh! | ||
| Tony and a few other guys. | ||
| They just talk about wrestling. | ||
| It's the best. | ||
| Dang, man. | ||
| People love it. | ||
| I'll tell you, people never got more mad at me than me giving Tony a hard time for liking wrestling. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Those wrestling fans are dire. | ||
| They were so mad at me. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| They were so mean. | ||
| I mean, it's great, though. | ||
| It was fun in high school, man, I'll tell you that. | ||
| I had a friend in high school who was training to become a wrestler, and I remember people would give him shit about it all the time, and then he was like, no man, wrestling training camp's no joke. | ||
| And then he came in, he took his shirt off, and he had just bruises. | ||
| Because I guess when they would practice, they would hit each other as hard as possible, so they know exactly how hard it is that they're going to get hit. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| So they can judge the play. | ||
| Oh, like palms? | ||
| Like palming off of each other? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| And they would just practice that over and over and they'd practice, you know, the falls and stuff and like how to get it right and stuff. | ||
| But yeah, if they fuck up, they really can hurt themselves, you know? | ||
| Yeah, they definitely can. | ||
| I mean, wrestling involves a lot of contact. | ||
| It's so brutal on the body. | ||
| All those wrestlers, at some point in time, wind up getting badly injured. | ||
| Like Dan Gable, who's one of the greatest, if not the greatest of all time, he's got all kinds of replacements, camp replacements and all that kind of crazy shit. | ||
| He just had this indomitable will that sort of outran his own joints. | ||
| He loved entertaining the people. | ||
| Yeah, he was an animal, man. | ||
| That guy was phenomenal. | ||
| The movie The Wrestler is one of my dad's favorite movies, and I remember watching that with him. | ||
| Me and my dad love to go watch movies. | ||
| It's kind of like our thing. | ||
| It's how we bond. | ||
| You know, I never saw that. | ||
| That was the Mickey Rourke one. | ||
| I saw a scene from it, and that was it. | ||
| I always wanted to. | ||
| I never sat down and watched it. | ||
| It's so funny. | ||
| It was like I just watched a grown man cry. | ||
| Like I watched my dad just cry. | ||
| Me and my dad can't... | ||
| I mean, I love my dad to death, but when we watch like father-son movies, anything like that, it's always a tearjerker for him. | ||
| Me too. | ||
| I'm the same way. | ||
| That's awesome. | ||
| It's hilarious. | ||
| I couldn't watch Pursuit of Happiness. | ||
| Which one's that? | ||
| It was Will Smith and the Kid. | ||
| Oh, when it becomes homeless? | ||
| Fuck that. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| I was like... | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| You're not going to do that to me. | ||
| I'll tell you what you were telling... | ||
| I'll give away a giant spoiler alert if I say this, but I tried to watch that movie that we were talking about, The Arrival, or Arrival, whatever it is. | ||
| I tried to watch it. | ||
| I got through the first scene. | ||
| I'm like, fuck you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Shut it off. | |
| Shut it off. | ||
| Not interested anymore. | ||
| You're not going to play my heart strings. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You're talking about with her and her daughter at the beginning. | |
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Spoiler alert, you fuck. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Did you cry during Armageddon? | |
| Just the asteroid? | ||
| Nope. | ||
| Knew it was fake. | ||
| Didn't get me at all. | ||
| I knew the other one was fake too. | ||
| Deep Impact, that was fake as fuck too. | ||
| Oh yeah, that was terrible. | ||
| Do you think the people from Deep Impact meet people that are fans of Armageddon? | ||
| They go, oh my god, I love you from that Bruce Willis movie. | ||
| You're like, fuck you bitch! | ||
| I was in the other one! | ||
|
unidentified
|
It came out a few months ago, but we came out first. | |
| We were out first. | ||
| Armageddon's bullshit. | ||
| Well, I thought that Armageddon, they had the idea first. | ||
| No, no, no, no! | ||
| That's the propaganda! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah. | |
| That's fake news. | ||
| It's fake news. | ||
| Bruce Willis, man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He just said, I'm good. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Stop. | ||
| Just chill. | ||
| Probably just go surfing and shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, man. | |
| What does he do now? | ||
| Is he still acting? | ||
| Yeah, he was... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| What are you gonna say? | ||
| Nothing. | ||
| You were gonna say something. | ||
| Spoiler alert. | ||
| Oh yeah! | ||
| That's true. | ||
| Yeah, I can't wait. | ||
| Keep your trap shut. | ||
| You don't want to ruin it for everybody. | ||
| Yeah, he's always been, like, that guy. | ||
| There's, like, some dudes that get attached. | ||
| It's really kind of fascinating when you think about how many people there are and think how many dudes get attached to, like, that action movie genre. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Like, Bruce Willis, like, boom! | ||
| Die hard! | ||
| You know, like, he was the guy for the action movie snarky action star who figured out how to save everybody. | ||
| Yeah, that first Die Hard, man. | ||
| What was the one, the football one with Damon Wayans? | ||
| Right above there. | ||
| The last Boy Scouts. | ||
| That was another one he did. | ||
| And he's always this troubled cop. | ||
| Blending pizza up with milk for breakfast, you know? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| You know what I mean? | ||
| He puts an egg in it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He was always that guy smoking a cigarette. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well, I guess we're just going to have to find out. | |
| Yeah, he was the same dude in 16 Bucks. | ||
| Dude, he's in a gang of movies like that. | ||
| The same dude in Pulp Fiction, right? | ||
| He played that boxer. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Dude, he was great. | ||
| Hudson Hawk, man. | ||
| Bruce Willis has been in some good fucking movies, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, he is. | |
| What was the one with the kid? | ||
| Oh, it was the kid. | ||
| No, the one with, um, that's true. | ||
| He was in a movie called The Kid. | ||
| The one where he's a ghost. | ||
| Mercury Wright? | ||
| Oh, Sixth Sense. | ||
| Sixth Sense, yeah. | ||
| He's in a lot of movies with kids. | ||
| That movie was fucked up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That movie was like, whoa, what is this? | |
| I think M. Night's coming back. | ||
| Um, I don't know about all that, dude. | ||
| That Village movie made me done with him. | ||
| I cleaned my fucking hands. | ||
| No, I get it. | ||
| Someone put it this way. | ||
| M. Night's like the girlfriend you know better than you should come back to. | ||
| Yeah, you know better. | ||
| Fuck her, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I like it. | |
| I actually liked that elevator movie in parts. | ||
| I enjoyed the ride. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I did. | |
| I didn't think it was the most satisfying way to end it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| How do you end a movie about, you know, an evil elevator? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know? | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| They did their best. | ||
| Photo booth kept my attention for a movie being in just the whole time. | ||
| It's about a photo booth. | ||
| Is that the Robin Williams one? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, no. | |
| Who's the crazy guy? | ||
| Who's the photo guy? | ||
| That was a good one. | ||
| I misspoke and I meant to say phone booth. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, phone booth. | |
| Fucking Colin Farrell. | ||
| Colin Farrell. | ||
| It was on the other day. | ||
| I saw it and I took my friends to see it and they were mad at me. | ||
| It was buried with... | ||
| Ryan Reynolds. | ||
| He's locked and he's buried in a coffin the whole movie. | ||
| Oh yeah, I never saw that. | ||
| It's kind of hard to watch. | ||
| It's really claustrophobic. | ||
| Fuck that. | ||
| Not interested. | ||
| I don't need to see evil shit to make me feel bad. | ||
| Show me some shit that's not real. | ||
| You know? | ||
| I know! | ||
| Like when we're talking about Avatar, like Steven Crowder got upset about Avatar. | ||
| What? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Why? | |
| He thought Avatar was like a propaganda movie. | ||
| I was like, look, dude, that's an awesome movie about blue aliens. | ||
| That movie was awesome. | ||
| They flew dragons. | ||
| I loved it. | ||
| It was in 3D. I got to see it in IMAX. That shit was awesome. | ||
| My mama... | ||
| My mom does that too all the time. | ||
| She watches The Matrix and she'll read into it too much. | ||
| She's like, it's about China and America going to war. | ||
| It's an anti-capitalism movie. | ||
| I can't be here for this. | ||
| This is propaganda. | ||
| No, it's a movie about big blue people that fly dragons, you fuck. | ||
| This is a wonderful movie. | ||
| This movie's fun. | ||
| People get so caught up in that, though. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| They don't want to support those goddamn lefties and their crazy ideas about blue people. | ||
| The blue people deserve to live. | ||
| Giant blue people that ride dragons, shoot bows and arrows. | ||
| That movie was the shit. | ||
| It was so good. | ||
| So good. | ||
| The only thing I'm bummed out about is they're gonna do part two is gonna be underwater, so that means no bows and arrows. | ||
| That's bullshit. | ||
| They'll have harpoons. | ||
| Yeah, I like bows and arrows better, man. | ||
| That was a badass movie, man. | ||
| That was a great movie. | ||
| I just don't understand people who couldn't appreciate that. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I feel like it's one of those things where people just have gotten to this point where they're like, I don't want to say my opinion matters so much, but it's like no one can just enjoy something anymore. | ||
| Everyone always has to have either a shitty opinion on it or a really, really not so shitty opinion on it. | ||
| Well, I see people use all sorts of different things to sort of make their point. | ||
| And I see if you were trying to make your point about some anti-corporate movie, you would see like this. | ||
| But what I see is dynamics that make a good storyline where you're invested in the plot. | ||
| I'm not looking at it as a propaganda film because it's in fucking space and they have floating islands and none of that's real. | ||
| The dragons aren't real either. | ||
| It's not real. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That marine guy's not a real person. | ||
| Like when people freaked out over the Star Wars movie. | ||
| Ah, it's so amazing. | ||
| It's not real! | ||
| What do you care, you fucks? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And people are getting mad that they're trying to force diversity into Star Wars movies. | ||
| Oh, let me guess. | ||
| You gotta have the girl running things. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You gotta have the black guy who's a fucking stormtrooper. | |
| I see what you're doing, Hollywood. | ||
| See what you're doing. | ||
| You're trying to fuck with what we like! | ||
| Try to take away our glory. | ||
| Haha. | ||
| Glory of white people dominating science fiction movies. | ||
| Has anybody dominated any genre more than white people have dominated science fiction movies? | ||
| I come to you. | ||
| It's so true. | ||
| I come to you with a sincere question. | ||
| You want to talk about a lack of diversity. | ||
| Black guys in science fiction movies have zero chance of survival. | ||
| They get... | ||
| It is like zero. | ||
| Eating first. | ||
| Right? | ||
| That fucking dude in Alien, that really cool black dude who got sweaty all the time. | ||
| Favorite one. | ||
| He got jacked pretty quick. | ||
| He didn't make it very deep, did he? | ||
| He didn't get killed first, though. | ||
| I think he got second. | ||
| Did he get second? | ||
| Super normal. | ||
| Think of all the big-time science fiction movies. | ||
| Dune? | ||
| Well, Dune is... | ||
| Then you're getting weird, though, because that's The Rock. | ||
| No, no, Dune. | ||
| Dune. | ||
| Oh, Dune. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| Those are all white people. | ||
| That's a good one. | ||
| That's a perfect one. | ||
| That's a great one. | ||
| That's a good one. | ||
| Paul Mooney used to have a great joke about this. | ||
| He used to have a great joke about LeVar Burton on Star Wars. | ||
| They finally put one on TV, they make him blind. | ||
| I'm totally taking it out of, you know, because he used a lot of N-bombs. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah. | |
| But, uh, it was hilarious. | ||
| It's fucking funny and true. | ||
| It's true. | ||
| It's Lieutenant Uhura. | ||
| She's basically a secretary. | ||
| Stay buried at desk, ho. | ||
| Captain Kirk's out here saving the day. | ||
| You know, I mean, that's really what it was. | ||
| She's the one who... | ||
| Yeah, I mean, she would take the call. | ||
| Sir, it's the aliens. | ||
| They're on the other line. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| She was the one doing all the clerical work. | ||
| Yeah, right? | ||
| You know, she wasn't Captain Kirk's equal. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| Okay, and there's that Klingon. | ||
| There's LeVar Burton with his goggles. | ||
| And there's the Klingon. | ||
| Now, the Klingon is super questionable. | ||
| Is that a black guy that has a terrible alien thing going on? | ||
| I mean, are we looking at diversity? | ||
| And did they balance off that guy on the far right and make him whiter to sort of balance it out? | ||
| Because that guy's white as fuck. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| He's supposed to be a robot, right? | ||
| But tell me you can make an android that looks exactly like a person, but you can't make his face not white as fuck? | ||
| That's ridiculous. | ||
| His goddamn hands are normal color. | ||
| How come you idiots only painted his face? | ||
| Why don't you paint his fucking hands? | ||
| His hands are nice and pink. | ||
| And it's also like, why is the white guy so logical? | ||
| And, you know, the other guy's just so... | ||
| He comes from a race of, like, aggressive. | ||
| Well, LeVar Burton was super logical, too, though, isn't he? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, LeVar Burton was super smart on that show. | ||
| But yeah, science fiction and black people. | ||
| What else? | ||
| Alien, the movie Alien? | ||
| No black people. | ||
| Ender's Game actually had a great- Aliens, rather. | ||
| What was Ender's Game? | ||
| Ender's Game? | ||
| If you read the book, because the author, there's a lot of skepticism of where his politicalness lies, but they would say- I don't think that's a word, sorry. | ||
| I know, I made it up. | ||
| They say that he references a lot and talks a lot about the Vietnam War in the Ender's Game book. | ||
| They say that the certain races that he's talking about, he alludes to them being the Vietnamese. | ||
| I think. | ||
| I could be making all this up, probably. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| But Ender's Game's a really good movie. | ||
| But at the end of it, it's all about, like, this alien race that's eventually coming to attack, and they have these kids do this game, but the whole time, spoiler alert, they're actually fighting, and they're controlling the ships from the game. | ||
| Jesus Christ, man. | ||
| It's an amazing book. | ||
| And a decent movie? | ||
| I actually haven't seen the movie. | ||
| It's all white people. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But that other guy, the Indian fella, what's that guy's name? | ||
| Ben Kingsley? | ||
| Yeah, Ben Kingsley. | ||
| Isn't he Indian? | ||
| I think he just played Gandhi. | ||
| Yeah, he just played Gandhi. | ||
| No, that's what he is, bro. | ||
| Come on, bro. | ||
| That's how he talks. | ||
| He's an Englishman then, right? | ||
| Isn't he? | ||
| Yeah, I think so. | ||
| Isn't he of Indian descent in some way? | ||
| I'll double check. | ||
| You ever see that one movie that he was in? | ||
| He played this badass gangster. | ||
| It's a really good movie. | ||
| Yeah, he's played a lot of really badass gangsters. | ||
| But he played this really mean gangster. | ||
| What does it say here? | ||
| He's an English actor from the UK. Just English? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hmm. | |
| So I'm making things up. | ||
| He did play Gandhi, though. | ||
| Oh, no, no. | ||
| Look at his name. | ||
| He looks Indian. | ||
| Born Krishna. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Okay, he is Indian. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| Early life. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| But what was that movie? | ||
| Go to that... | ||
| See, find that movie that he played in where... | ||
| His father was born in Kenya, sorry. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| Go to his movies and find that there's one movie that he played. | ||
| It was a really obscure movie. | ||
| It was a really good movie where he played a gangster. | ||
| He plays a drunk hitman, I think, in one movie. | ||
| Are those his movies? | ||
| No, this is one that he won awards for. | ||
| Oh, Jesus Christ, that guy won a lot of awards. | ||
| Dude, he's the best. | ||
| Go to Filmography right there. | ||
| 46 movies. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| Yeah, he was in Shutter Island. | ||
| Yeah, keep going, keep going. | ||
| See if I can find that movie. | ||
| Sexy Beast, that's it. | ||
| To your left. | ||
| There, right there. | ||
| Bam. | ||
| It's in 2000. Great fucking movie. | ||
| He plays a psychopath. | ||
| And you would go, what? | ||
| That guy? | ||
| That guy seems so peaceful. | ||
| He fucking knocks it out of the park. | ||
| He's awesome. | ||
| It's a really, really crazy movie, man. | ||
| He played a fucking complete nut. | ||
| It was great. | ||
| I like an actor that can play a villain that plays it so well that I'll still hate the actor afterwards. | ||
| Yeah, I know what you mean. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Well, that's the weird thing about watching an actor, right? | ||
| It's like you're agreeing. | ||
| You know that that's Tom Cruise. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| But you're agreeing that he's on a spaceship and he's targeting, you know. | ||
| You can, like, The Day After Tomorrow, is that what? | ||
| What is the name? | ||
| The Tomorrow movie? | ||
| The Day After Tomorrow. | ||
| Yeah, they changed the name, too. | ||
| It's Day After Tomorrow, and there's like a weird subtitle on it, too. | ||
| Which is, in my opinion, one of the most overlooked science fiction movies ever. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| It was a brilliant movie. | ||
| Oh, no, that's Edge of Tomorrow. | ||
| Edge of Tomorrow, that's right. | ||
| Edge of Tomorrow. | ||
| Which one? | ||
| Day of Tomorrow is like a... | ||
| What is that one? | ||
| End of the world. | ||
| Yeah, that was... | ||
| With the Quaid fella. | ||
| With the Quaid fella, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, that was a super bad movie. | ||
| That End of the World movie, that was so bad. | ||
| I love bad movies, too, because then you can just laugh at them the whole time. | ||
| The Day After Tomorrow, right? | ||
| That's what it was called. | ||
| Yeah, it's also called Live, Die, Repeat. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| That's a great science fiction movie, though. | ||
| And it is white as fuck. | ||
| It's just chock full of white people. | ||
| They're chock full of white people. | ||
| Oblivion? | ||
| I think... | ||
| Oh, it was Elysium. | ||
| Sorry. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Elysium. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Tom Cruise did that movie, Edge of Tomorrow, and then he also did Oblivion, I think, like within months of each other. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| They probably were confusing as fuck, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because they're both science fiction movies. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| Hmm. | ||
| Oh, yeah, that's right. | ||
| That was a good movie, too. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| There's been some good ones. | ||
| But with a guy like Tom Cruise, when you watch it, you know it's Tom Cruise. | ||
| I mean, that's a weird thing that we do. | ||
| You know that's Morgan Freeman. | ||
| There's Morgan Freeman. | ||
| I know it's Morgan Freeman, but I'm going to pretend that he's this dude who runs this planet, and he wants to talk to Tom Cruise. | ||
| Alright, man. | ||
| I gotta wrap this bitch up. | ||
| I gotta get the fuck out of here. | ||
| We were supposed to end earlier. | ||
| I had a meeting that I blew off. | ||
| Oh, no way. | ||
| Sorry, I didn't mean to see you. | ||
| Make some adjustments now. | ||
| I didn't realize. | ||
| We were talking so long. | ||
| I thought it was 12.30 and it was 1.30. | ||
| I didn't mean to crowd her yet. | ||
| Dude, it was awesome. | ||
| Please. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| Good times. | ||
| Congratulations. | ||
| Thank you so much. | ||
| And it's always awesome having you at the store and always awesome. | ||
| I'm glad we're doing these shows. | ||
| Frank's going to be with me this weekend, tonight and tomorrow in Oxnard. | ||
| So find people of Oxnard tonight and tomorrow. | ||
| It's Ian Edwards, Frank and me, and we'll see you there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
All right. | |
| See you later. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bye. |
Export Selection