Oct. 14, 2016 - The Joe Rogan Experience
03:08:04
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
| It's been three years since he texted back. | ||
| We are live right now, and our brother Joey Coco Diaz is in Chicago tonight. | ||
| If you are lucky to get tickets to his show at Zaney's in Rosemont, Illinois. | ||
| It's not technically Chicago, right? | ||
| How far away is that? | ||
| Rosemont's like 20 minutes, 20 minutes. | ||
| Just outside. | ||
| That's where Joey is, and he's filming tonight. | ||
| For CISO. What's CISO? Yeah, exactly. | ||
| Some new thing that Doug Stanhope has a special on CISO. Now Joey has a special on CISO. And apparently it's like NBC is doing something. | ||
| Something that NBC is doing. | ||
| Well, Netflix is giving apparently $40 million to Chris Rock. | ||
| What? | ||
| Did you hear that? | ||
| What? | ||
| $40 million for two specials. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| That's fucking insane. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| That's $20 million to special. | ||
| That's a record. | ||
| Yeah, I would say. | ||
| They got into a bidding war with HBO apparently for like... | ||
|
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Wow. | |
| HBO went up to $30 million and then Netflix said, fuck you, here's $40. | ||
| Holy shit, Netflix is ballin'. | ||
| Yeah, but now I feel gypped. | ||
| Netflix is out of control right now, but so is HBO. I've been watching Westworld. | ||
| Have you watched Westworld yet? | ||
| Is that on HBO? Yeah. | ||
| Holy shit, it's good. | ||
| I've heard about it, but I thought it was on CBS or something. | ||
|
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Good. | |
| Yeah? | ||
| It's good. | ||
| That's where they go into that weird, like a fake world and... | ||
| Yeah, it's like, it's based on that 1973 movie with Yul Brynner, Westworld. | ||
| Good old Yul. | ||
| Yeah, which was basically the same kind of movie. | ||
| It was basically the same as the show. | ||
| How many times was I going to say basically in the first five minutes? | ||
| But what it was is, you know, so people can go and have like a fantasy and live in the Wild West, but obviously the robots don't play, and they start malfunctioning, and that's where I'm in episode two. | ||
| It's kind of like Cowboy Logan's Run. | ||
| Logan's Run. | ||
| Wow, I don't even remember that. | ||
| Really? | ||
| You don't remember Logan's Run? | ||
| I barely remember. | ||
| I was trying to remember. | ||
| I loved Logan's Run when I was a kid. | ||
| What was Logan's Run? | ||
| Was it a series or was it a movie? | ||
| It was a series. | ||
| I think it was a movie and then it became a series. | ||
| Yeah, there it is. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| I remember the poster. | ||
| Welcome to the 23rd century. | ||
| Isn't that weird? | ||
| That is weird. | ||
| It's so weird what they thought we were going to be living like. | ||
| Do you remember Space 1999? | ||
|
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Oh, yeah. | |
| I remember everything was... | ||
| I remember when I was breakdancing in 1984, there was a move called the 1990 where you jumped on... | ||
| You remember that move? | ||
| You flipped upside down on one hand and spun. | ||
| The move that Cuba Gooding Jr. did in... | ||
| Go back. | ||
| Go back to those pictures. | ||
| Go back to the first one you went to. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| They got one thing right. | ||
| People are going to be wearing pre-ripped pants like assholes. | ||
| And girls are going to be showing their vaginas. | ||
| They got both of those things right. | ||
| And that hairstyle's back. | ||
| Both hairstyles are back. | ||
| Chicks are wearing hairstyles like that too. | ||
| So what was the move? | ||
|
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The 1990? | |
| It was called the 1990. Oh, that's good stuff. | ||
| Is that real? | ||
| That's cosplay. | ||
| Keep causing, girl. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Whatever you're doing, I like it. | ||
| I'm so happy that girls still dress like that. | ||
| All this crazy talk of women not dressing sexy or alluring like that is just disturbing to me, Russell Peters. | ||
| I don't want that to change. | ||
| I mean, you know, it depends on when and where they're doing it, right? | ||
| No, do it whenever you want. | ||
| Give them the green light. | ||
| Office buildings, everything. | ||
| Office buildings would be great. | ||
| Fuck yeah. | ||
| I remember going into office buildings, just getting a hard-on, looking at the secretaries and the heels. | ||
| A full hard-on? | ||
| I was in my early 20s, late 19s, you know? | ||
| You're a madman. | ||
| I was a lunatic. | ||
| You're a different kind of guy. | ||
| I was knocking shit over with my cock. | ||
| You didn't grab any pussies, though, did you? | ||
| I was not a pussy grabber. | ||
| I'm not either. | ||
| No, I don't even know how you'd grab a pussy without actually fingering it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, how do you grab it on the outside? | ||
| Maybe that's the benefit of having those little hands. | ||
| Yeah, those little hands could just fully grab it. | ||
| Like one of those folder holder things that you use to... | ||
| Those little paper clips? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, I know those ones. | ||
| Clamps. | ||
|
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With the little stainless steel... | |
| Donald Clamp running for president. | ||
| Clamp and pinch. | ||
| There's a fucking hilarious meme that I saw that somebody put online. | ||
| It's so funny. | ||
| It shows different presidential quotes throughout history. | ||
| The only thing we have to fear is fear itself. | ||
| Franklin Delano Roosevelt. | ||
| Ask not what your country can do for you, but ask what you can do for your country. | ||
| John F. Kennedy. | ||
| Grab them by the pussy. | ||
| Donald Trump. | ||
| This is where we are. | ||
| This is really where we are. | ||
| We turned reality into reality. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Do you think that that's what started it all? | ||
| That like reality TV, like from Survivor on, exposing the world to, instead of to people that we've created, like Magnum P.I. or, you know... | ||
| Fill in the blank. | ||
| Yeah, they gave us things. | ||
| We used to have things to strive to want to be. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| And then they took it down to lowest common denominator and made us go, oh, thank God they took away all that and now we can just be normal again. | ||
| We can be hopeless. | ||
| Yeah, they brought it down to Snooki. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, they went from people that you could never be like. | ||
| MacGyver, yeah. | ||
| Gets out of every situation. | ||
| That's confusing too though, right? | ||
| Because people start thinking that they can be MacGyver or that they can solve the world's problems. | ||
| Well, it gets your brain moving. | ||
| It kind of gives a little jog. | ||
| It makes you think sideways and gives you the opportunity to think laterally. | ||
| But when you've got a dummy just saying things that you want to hear, you go, ugh. | ||
| Okay, I can turn it off now, guys. | ||
| That's the one thing that confuses me the most about Donald Trump. | ||
| I didn't know there were that many assholes out there. | ||
| Like, I kind of knew, but I didn't know they were going to organize. | ||
| It's weird to me that, you know, when you meet people that, again, you thought were level-headed, thinking people. | ||
| Is that Eric B., like Eric B. and Rakim? | ||
|
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Yeah. | |
| Oh, nice. | ||
| Eric B. is actually living at my house in Vegas right now. | ||
| Shut the fuck up! | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Damn, dude. | ||
| You know, I keep it hip-hop, son. | ||
| You do? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You do. | ||
| What about Rakim? | ||
| Rakim's not living in the house, no. | ||
| No? | ||
| Secretly, I think they may be getting back together. | ||
| Secretly? | ||
| You just gave it up on the air. | ||
| I mean, I can't say that they are. | ||
| I said they may be. | ||
| Well, you're starting rumors. | ||
| Is that what we're doing now? | ||
| That's the way to go to get that one started. | ||
| Trying to get everybody paid. | ||
| Oh, I love those guys. | ||
| We were just talking about them yesterday. | ||
|
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Were you? | |
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Who was on yesterday? | ||
| Was that Jesse? | ||
| Jesse Ventura and then Red Band. | ||
| But we were talking about Eric B and Rakim. | ||
| We were talking about EPMD. Yeah, I'm friends with DJ Scratch from EPMD. Oh, shit! | ||
| I'm almost friends with the DJ of the group. | ||
| Have you noticed that? | ||
| Yeah, well, you're a DJ. That makes sense. | ||
| It's like us being friends with comedians. | ||
| Yeah, we happen to know one or two of them. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Isn't it a funny thing about being a comic? | ||
| Like, you run into another comic somewhere, and you're like, Oh, you! | ||
| Come here, you! | ||
| We're around regular people. | ||
| Get over here! | ||
| We're all left-brain thinkers. | ||
| We need to be together. | ||
| Is that what it is? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's the left-brain? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's what I've heard. | ||
| Is that real? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Like, if you kick somebody in the left side of the head, does it fuck up their jokes? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Somebody sent me something that says, uh... | ||
| That's in my iTunes. | ||
| It's on my iTunes. | ||
| Whatever, but it was about how some sort of head trauma can make your brain relate everything to a joke after. | ||
| Well, there's a book that Sam Kinison's brother wrote, Brother Sam, and it's all about how Sam, well, it's all about Sam, but a big part of it is how Sam changed when he got hit by a car. | ||
| He was a little kid, and he got nailed by a car and really fucked up. | ||
| And from that point on, he became this maniac, this wild, crazy, reckless motherfucker. | ||
| Like, before that, he was like a normal kid. | ||
| And bang! | ||
| One hard shot to the head, and all of a sudden he's like, oh, oh! | ||
| Like all the crazy ranting and the sermons he used to give. | ||
| I guess when you get close to death, you look at it one of two ways, right? | ||
| I don't think that's it. | ||
| I think it's traumatic brain injury. | ||
| That's what I'm saying, but like, again, your brain goes, oh, fuck, well, we didn't suffer through that, now let's just enjoy the rest of this. | ||
| That would be nice if that made sense. | ||
| If that was a fact, I don't know, but I like making up my own facts. | ||
|
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Yeah! | |
| I think what it is is damage. | ||
| I think damage to the brain, like actual physical damage, affects impulse control. | ||
| And it has something to do with that and getting angry quicker. | ||
| There's a bunch of factors that come into play that you see with football players, too. | ||
| You think they'd be hilarious after all those times. | ||
| I know, right? | ||
| Maybe they are. | ||
| Maybe we need to find one right before they become too stupid to talk. | ||
| Just ask them, like, what do you find? | ||
| I mean, they weren't that bright to begin with. | ||
| How dare you say that? | ||
| They can be bright. | ||
| If they were big and giant and they wanted to make money, football's the way to go, right? | ||
| What else are you going to do? | ||
| Be a strong man? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I mean, you could fight. | ||
| How much does Strongman mean? | ||
| You can't even fight if you're that big. | ||
| Because, like, at 265 pounds, that's the weight limit for MMA. There's a limit on it now. | ||
|
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There's a fucking limit. | |
| That's so weird. | ||
| So weird. | ||
| Because, remember, Emmanuel Yarbrough, what was he? | ||
| 600 pounds? | ||
| Yeah, well, look what happened to him. | ||
| Keith Hackney bitch slapped him in a coma. | ||
| That's true, that's true. | ||
| Didn't he break his wrist on that? | ||
| He hit him with a bitch slap. | ||
| It was that side, weird, side... | ||
| Well, once he got him down, he was hammerfisting him. | ||
| He was, like, one of the first guys to do the hammerfist in a fight. | ||
| I remember seeing that and going, that's a terrible punch. | ||
| It's effective. | ||
| You know what's cool about a hammer fist is, like, you can do this to the table, like this oak table, and it doesn't hurt your hand at all. | ||
| But if you did that with your knuckles, you'd be like, ah! | ||
| But it's weird that we punch with our knuckles. | ||
| Well, you know, we just associate this soft, padded part as not going to hurt you. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| It fucking hurts a lot. | ||
| Like, hammer fists are very effective. | ||
| Have you hammer-fisted anybody? | ||
| No. | ||
| No, I never hammer-fisted anybody. | ||
| Not that I can remember. | ||
| I just realized we went into fisting real quick. | ||
| When you're spitting back-fist somebody, there's two ways to do it. | ||
| You could do it with the actual back of the hand, but that hurts. | ||
| Like, if you hit someone's chin... | ||
| Yeah, it's very tender there. | ||
| Yeah, if you hit someone's chin with the very back of your hand, you could fuck your hand. | ||
| You could break your hand, for sure. | ||
| But the right way to do a spitting back-fist is with the hand down, with the palm of the hand facing down with the fist. | ||
| So, in that way, you are hammer-fisting someone. | ||
| It's really a spinning hammer fist. | ||
| More than a spinning back fist. | ||
| That's the way to do it right. | ||
| I've never done a spinning back fist on anybody. | ||
| No? | ||
| No. | ||
| It's a brutal move. | ||
| You gotta really time that one right. | ||
| Yeah, you do. | ||
|
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You gotta know what the fuck you're doing. | |
| You gotta be very confident knowing that you're turning your back on the guy real quick. | ||
| It's weird how the different ways people figured out how to fuck people up. | ||
| I was watching a street fight today between these two chicks. | ||
| Here? | ||
|
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For real? | |
| No, no, no. | ||
| It was on Instagram. | ||
| Oh, was it the one where the girl said, Kick my ass, bitch! | ||
| Kick my ass! | ||
| You said you were going to kick my ass! | ||
| Kick my ass, bitch! | ||
| It was two white girls sounding like really ghetto black girls for some reason. | ||
| I didn't even listen because my wife was there. | ||
| I just watched. | ||
| A blonde girl and her head hits the car. | ||
| Yes! | ||
| Yeah, I've seen that one. | ||
| Dude! | ||
| See, you know. | ||
| Yeah, she throws her to the ground. | ||
| She kind of curbs her a little bit, too. | ||
| Beats the fuck out of her. | ||
| And she got attacked. | ||
| She got attacked. | ||
| She totally turned around. | ||
| Beat that girl's ass. | ||
| Yeah, and she kept chasing her, and that girl kept talking shit. | ||
| Yes, while she was beating the fuck out of her. | ||
| I'm like, well, you know, if you hit her on the jaw, maybe she'd go to sleep and you wouldn't have to hear her talk anymore. | ||
| But the girl, my point was when she had her down, she's hammer fisting him. | ||
| People know that's a legit move now. | ||
| MMA has changed street fighting forever. | ||
| It really has. | ||
| Fuck yeah! | ||
| People know. | ||
| They know what to do now. | ||
| And you could see, especially with kids, there's a ton of videos of trained kids who actually know how to fight and they get attacked by someone who doesn't know how to fight and they wind up armbarring them or getting them in a mounted triangle. | ||
| Like the kid that did that to Cat Williams. | ||
| Oh yes! | ||
| Yeah, well that kid was a wrestler, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, he was 17. I thought he was only 15. Whatever he was, he was a teenager. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| And he got him in a nice seat, stretched him out and everything. | ||
| He got his back and just stretched him. | ||
| What the fuck is wrong with Cat Williams? | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| He's one of us. | ||
| What's he doing? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| He's one of us, but he's also one of those guys, it seems like, who's hitting that pipe every now and then. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I can't confirm nor deny those allegations. | ||
| There's definitely some stimulants involved. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's something going on. | ||
| Yeah, something's gone awry. | ||
| Yeah, I'm fascinated by him because I think he's one of the best comics alive in bursts, like in moments. | ||
| But then he'll have these horrible, wretched shows where there's class action lawsuits or people want their money back and he winds up leaving. | ||
| But then he gets it back together and has some amazing stories. | ||
| Like he'll put together a special and have amazing stories based on all the fucked up shit he did. | ||
| It's almost like he does it on purpose. | ||
| Yeah, that's what I'm saying. | ||
| But I don't think he does. | ||
| But it seems like he could write the ship. | ||
| Like he's just like, fuck it, I'm steering into the wind! | ||
| He steers into the wind and then he's like, alright, that did not work out. | ||
| We gotta get the Cat Williams boat back online. | ||
| We gotta turn this around, there's an iceberg coming. | ||
| Yeah, and he figures out how to right the ship, and then he comes back around. | ||
| But, man. | ||
| When he's on, he's fucking funny. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because he's fearless. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Absolutely fearless. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He definitely does not give a fuck. | ||
| And with his hair, something about that conked out hair, and the sweat, you know? | ||
| And profuse sweat. | ||
| That's that Molly sweat. | ||
| Sweating that MDMA out of your system. | ||
| Did you ever see the time where him and Steve Harvey, they did this thing together. | ||
| It was real weird. | ||
| It was like they were touring together. | ||
| That doesn't make any sense to me. | ||
|
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At all. | |
| Steve Harvey would go on first, and then Cat Williams would go on second. | ||
| And I guess they were talking shit about each other leading up to the show. | ||
| So Steve Harvey goes on, and then Cat Williams spends the first ten minutes mocking him. | ||
| And it is fucking brutal and hilarious. | ||
| Well, I'm with Kat on that one. | ||
| Yeah, it's hard to not be. | ||
| That Steve Harvey guy's a weird dude. | ||
| I've never met him, actually. | ||
| 27 years in this game, I never met Steve Harvey. | ||
| Well, I met him a long time ago, back when he was essentially doing a Richard Pryor impression. | ||
| When I met him in the 90s, he was doing Richard Pryor on stage. | ||
| I mean, it was crazy. | ||
| If you didn't know, you would think, is this guy auditioning for a Richard Pryor movie or something like that? | ||
| Yeah, I don't remember his stand-up. | ||
| At all from back then. | ||
| Well, it wasn't like he was doing Pryor's material. | ||
|
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But he was talking as if he was Richard Pryor! | |
| Right. | ||
| You know, there was the whole thing. | ||
| Like, guys, you know how it is. | ||
| You get influenced. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Did you ever do that? | ||
| No, I mean, I was always into, like, Carlin and stuff like that, so I was not smart enough to copy Carlin. | ||
| I mean, I knew my intelligence level was far lesser than Carlin, so I would just do what I did. | ||
| I caught myself on stage once, sounded exactly like Richard Cheney, and I was like, Jesus. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| You went in. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| I mean, I was open-miker. | ||
| Now there's a whole slew of comics that try to sound like Mitch. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, there's a few of them out there, and it freaks me out, and everyone's on their dick, and I'm like, wait, you know that's Mitch, right, that they're doing? | ||
| Well, like, okay, you can't tell me names, but... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, Hedberg had such a distinct style. | ||
| That would be kind of crazy. | ||
| But you hear with a tell. | ||
| I mean, in New York, there's like five or six guys that I could name right now. | ||
| No, everybody at the cellar has the same way of speaking. | ||
| They're all a tell babies. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Or, shut up, stupid. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Everybody wants to be Keith Robinson over there. | ||
| Oh, that too, right. | ||
|
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Yeah. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| But it's interesting. | ||
| You know, that's one of the reasons why I have some comments. | ||
| And everybody with the... | ||
| What's that? | ||
| That's a cellar thing. | ||
| What are you doing? | ||
| I get it. | ||
| Everything makes them... | ||
| Who does that? | ||
| Who's that coming from? | ||
| When you go to the cellar next time you talk to guys... | ||
| It's just a group of all of them? | ||
| You'll just hear everybody and you'll be like, oh my god, that's the fucking cellar talk. | ||
| I like it. | ||
| Clicks. | ||
| It is a little clicky, but... | ||
|
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Little clicks. | |
| But I get sucked into it when I'm there too. | ||
| I just do it because I'm around them. | ||
| I mean, I'm like, I guess this is what we're doing, guys. | ||
| Yeah, it's interesting how little clubs like The Cellar just spawn. | ||
| They just take off, and it's become the spot. | ||
| I mean, you think about how many spots could be the spot in New York City. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Doesn't New York City, like, have a hundred comedy clubs or something crazy? | ||
| There's a ton of them, and there's new ones opening all the time, and then there's people try doing a nice one or a classier one, and... | ||
| That shit never works. | ||
| Yeah, you need the nice grimy cellar. | ||
| I mean, it is what it is. | ||
| Low ceiling, everybody packed in real tight, and then you get the A-list of comics walking through there. | ||
| Yeah, just to practice. | ||
| Isn't it funny that it's also funny, too, that to practice, the best place to practice is a little tiny place. | ||
| Always. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You don't want to practice in front of a room full of people, three, four hundred people. | ||
| Have you ever thought about doing a special in front of a tiny group of people? | ||
| I have, but then, you know, Sarah did the one in front of like 12 people or something like that. | ||
| She did? | ||
| Yeah, she did one with a really small audience. | ||
| Oh, wasn't it Largo? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How big's Largo? | ||
| Have you ever been to Largo? | ||
| Well, she did it in one of the small rooms at Largo. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But, I mean, if anybody can make that work, Sarah Silverman can. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| She's fucking funny. | ||
| She doesn't do enough. | ||
| She doesn't do enough and she doesn't get the respect she deserves. | ||
| No. | ||
| I don't think so either. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, she's not funny on a curve. | ||
| Like, oh, she's a funny woman. | ||
| No, I told her that once. | ||
| I said, you know, Sarah, you're one of my favorite comics. | ||
| Not one of my favorite female comics. | ||
| One of my favorite comics as a human being comic. | ||
| I saw her at the store maybe a year ago and she was murdering. | ||
| Just murdering. | ||
| I was like, man, sometimes I forget how good she is. | ||
| You forget, A, how good she is, how great her jokes are written. | ||
| And, you know, I get through this, I go through this little phase when I, like, now I'm back at the zero point with no material. | ||
| And I've been going out every night, but my trick is to go and host so that way there's not too much expectation on me. | ||
| Right. | ||
| That's a good move. | ||
| Yeah, so I can get my confidence back and then I can see the level of talent around me and what way everybody's thinking and then I can figure out if I want to tell stories or if I want to tell jokes, you know? | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| When do you write? | ||
| Do you write in front of a computer? | ||
| Do you write on a notebook? | ||
| I don't physically write anything ever. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Ever. | ||
| A lot of guys are like that. | ||
| Bill Burr doesn't either. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I was just with Bill the other night, too. | ||
| Yeah, we had that conversation about that. | ||
| I can't. | ||
| I feel like it's... | ||
| Well, first of all, I'm too lazy. | ||
| That's the real issue. | ||
| It has nothing more to do with anything than, I don't want to sit down and write this. | ||
| I don't even want to watch my sets. | ||
| My Almost Famous special's out now. | ||
| I haven't watched it. | ||
| No? | ||
| It was sent to me months ago, and I was like, I can't. | ||
| Is it on Netflix? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| When did you film it? | ||
| In April. | ||
| How many times did you watch it? | ||
| Not once. | ||
| You didn't watch it at all to edit it? | ||
| Not even once. | ||
| My brother was sat in on the edits, and then my mom was watching it. | ||
| My mom was in town, so she was watching it in the living room the other day, and I walked past, like, what are you watching? | ||
| She goes, you! | ||
| And then I was listening here and there, and I'm like, why'd they keep that in? | ||
| I'm like, that sucks. | ||
| Why would you keep that in? | ||
| Yeah, I just watched a trailer for my special today, and I don't like watching myself either. | ||
| Oh yeah, yours is coming out in a week or two? | ||
| October 21st. | ||
| Yeah, in a week, basically. | ||
| Yeah, next Friday, 21st. | ||
| I opened for you. | ||
| You did? | ||
| Yeah, last week, my special aired. | ||
| Oh, I'm like, what? | ||
| I know I smoke a lot of pot, but... | ||
| Yeah, we know we've never done a show together, I don't think. | ||
| We've done the Ice House. | ||
| Oh, that's true. | ||
| I hosted that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, I'll do it again then. | ||
| Fuck yeah, dude. | ||
| I like hosting. | ||
| It's fun for me. | ||
| I'm there again on the 28th, Friday the 28th. | ||
| I think I am in San Jose that weekend, if I'm not mistaken. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| San Jose. | ||
| Improv. | ||
| I love that place. | ||
| That fucking improv is the shit. | ||
| It's great. | ||
| But again, I have no act. | ||
| So if anybody is coming out to see me, just understand that I don't have an act right now. | ||
| Well, you got a little bit of an act. | ||
| How much do you have? | ||
| Zip. | ||
| I have literally fucking nothing. | ||
| I have one joke, and I could say it now, but then it's over. | ||
| How much time do you give yourself before you start doing theaters again? | ||
| I wait till I got jokes, actual jokes. | ||
| I wait till I got at least 40 minutes. | ||
| So do you, like, just keep banging it out and then go, okay, we're good, start booking shit? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Or do you get in, like, a few months and you go, alright, now I'm gonna give myself a deadline? | ||
| Deadlines are good for us. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because otherwise we're just, you know, we'll just keep coasting. | ||
| That's how, for me, writing a new special is very important. | ||
| Like, putting a special out and then chucking it and then writing all new shit, it's so important because otherwise we all know those guys that have been around forever doing the same material. | ||
| Oh, I know some comics in Canada. | ||
| Hilarious! | ||
| Their acts are funny as hell, but they've been doing the same act for 30 years. | ||
| That's so crazy. | ||
| And then they give me shit. | ||
| I knew the last special wasn't very good. | ||
| I go, yeah, well, you know what? | ||
| You haven't done new material in 30 years. | ||
| They actually say that to you? | ||
| You know, I get people that get a little brave on the internet there. | ||
| They're a little jealous. | ||
| A little bold. | ||
| A little jealous of Russell. | ||
| Russell went international. | ||
| They'll make their little Facebook statuses. | ||
| Mr. Worldwide like Pitbull. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| I'm Shitbull. | ||
|
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|
Shitbull? | |
| You can't help yourself. | ||
| It's a fucking puns. | ||
| It's a problem. | ||
| I was killing Joe with the puns at Kill Tony. | ||
| Well, I was trapped in a pun sandwich between Tony Hinchcliffe on one side and Russell Peters on the other side, and the puns were flowing like water. | ||
| Would you like this on bread or a pun? | ||
| I had to start doing puns myself, and I rarely do puns. | ||
| I was throwing them in myself just to keep up with these fucking guys. | ||
| We're idiots. | ||
| Well, it's such a specific style of joke, the pun. | ||
| You know what it is? | ||
| It takes you back to your father. | ||
| Because fathers always did puns. | ||
| Yeah, that's like the silly, clever thing to say. | ||
| My father, you have an uncle who had the puns, what have you. | ||
| Yeah, what have you. | ||
| Dude, you tour everywhere, man. | ||
| Like, you were in Dubai, and you go all over. | ||
| I was in Saudi Arabia. | ||
| Holy shit! | ||
| What is that like? | ||
| You do the show as men on one side, women on the other. | ||
| Good. | ||
| Stay over there. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I was asking them, like, why? | ||
| Like, why? | ||
| Why? | ||
| And they're like, and honestly, the guys were telling me, and these are like normal, or supposed to be normal, level-headed men telling me this. | ||
| And these weren't, like, you know, any high ups or anything. | ||
| These were normal guys. | ||
| Oh, because the women, they'll go crazy and they'll want to attack us. | ||
| I'm like, look at you, dude, and look at them. | ||
| They're not trying to attack you. | ||
| They'll want to attack them. | ||
| And have sex with them in the streets. | ||
| That's what they've been brainwashed into believing. | ||
| That if these women aren't separated, they'll just come and attack you and want that dick. | ||
| Maybe that is the case, though, when you keep them separated. | ||
| If you keep them from men all the time, when they finally get around men, maybe they just jump on dick like a hero on a grenade. | ||
| Yeah, but the guys are a little too friendly with each other, as far as I'm concerned. | ||
| Gay stuff. | ||
| Yeah, but I don't even think they recognize it as homosexual, because they're not attracted to men. | ||
| They get horny and they just start jerking each other off. | ||
| I don't know that for sure, but I could see that as a possibility. | ||
| If you're just around dudes all the time, just repressed, Well, I know dudes who've been in the military who've done tours, and they go overseas to the Middle East, and they say that guys fuck young boys all the time. | ||
| That's weird to me. | ||
| Well, you think that that's a consequence of the separation between the men and the women? | ||
| Yeah, I guess. | ||
| I don't know what it is. | ||
| It's weird to me. | ||
| But when I did the show, I played right down the aisle. | ||
| I stood where the aisle was. | ||
| When I was on stage, I stood where the aisle was so that I didn't really pick a side. | ||
| Did you turn like a sprinkler? | ||
| Yeah, I did. | ||
| I kept turning like that. | ||
| Like I was just trying to water half the lawn. | ||
| Now, when you do shows like that, do you ever worry about doing something that can get you in trouble? | ||
| It's not so much that I worry about doing stuff that'll get me in trouble. | ||
| It's doing stuff that they may deem as offensive. | ||
| Because I know what is offensive. | ||
| And then you gotta worry about people's sensitivities. | ||
| So I'll always ask the promoter, like, straight up. | ||
| I'm like, what can't I talk about? | ||
| And they're like, no religion. | ||
| Don't mention the royal family. | ||
| And try to keep sex to a minimum. | ||
| I'm like, eh, alright. | ||
| Wow, no religion. | ||
| Can't you just mock Mormons? | ||
| Can't you make fun of Mormons? | ||
| You probably could. | ||
| Yeah, they wouldn't give a fuck about that. | ||
| But they, again, wouldn't know what a Mormon was. | ||
| They would think it was a sect. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| No, I don't know. | ||
| I'm sure they wouldn't know what a Mormon is. | ||
| Mormon's very specific to this part of the world. | ||
| Wasn't it created here? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, it was created in... | ||
| Well, they took over Utah, essentially. | ||
| What's interesting... | ||
| Do you perform in Utah a lot? | ||
| Once or twice. | ||
| Not very often. | ||
| It's really interesting. | ||
| It's a great club. | ||
| It's great. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, Wise Guys and Salt Lake, they have two of them now, right? | ||
| They have a larger one. | ||
| They had the original one. | ||
| I think they opened a larger one. | ||
| The one down from the mall? | ||
| I don't remember the address, but... | ||
| But they have... | ||
| Utah's interesting because you have these Mormons, but you have a lot of really cool people that are sick of the Mormons' bullshit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And they surround them, too. | ||
| But then, Mormons... | ||
| I mean, it's a wacky cult, right? | ||
| It's very bizarre. | ||
| But they're really nice! | ||
| They're some of the nicest cult members ever. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's a tough line to walk. | ||
| Because I'm not sure what their deal is. | ||
| I'm not sure if they're trying to convert you, but then as a brown guy, I'm like... | ||
| Well, they only just started letting us believe their shit about 20 years ago, right? | ||
| Didn't they only let black people in like 20 years ago? | ||
| Is that what happened? | ||
| I didn't even know there's any black Mormons. | ||
| There's got to be like a clan of black Mormons. | ||
| Please find that, Jamie. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's got to be some sort of a group where they get together. | ||
| They're called more than men's. | ||
| Mmm. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| Can't all be good, Joe. | ||
| Let's pretend that didn't happen. | ||
| But they have a great spot. | ||
| Salt Lake City is goddamn gorgeous. | ||
| You know, they have the mountains there. | ||
| It is nice. | ||
| Air is nice up there. | ||
| Yeah, I love Utah. | ||
| I walked a lot when I was there. | ||
| I would walk from the hotel to the gig. | ||
| Why? | ||
| Why not? | ||
| Okay. | ||
| It was nice. | ||
| Nice air. | ||
| Needed the exercise. | ||
| Yeah, Salt Lake City, it's weird when you associate a place with something. | ||
| Like, San Francisco used to be gay. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Gays can't afford it anymore. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's not really gay anymore. | ||
| Yeah, they outpriced the gays. | ||
| Yeah, they did. | ||
| They did. | ||
| They did. | ||
| I mean, there's definitely some rich gay folk out there, but as far as having a community of specific people, it's more tech. | ||
| Tech millionaires and shit. | ||
| It's a lot of that. | ||
| A lot of... | ||
| There's a lot of, and there's a lot of old money there, too, you know, people that have just been there forever. | ||
| There's that, but as far as, like, the amount that things cost in San Francisco, it's the most obscene I've ever seen in terms of, like, real estate and what it costs to buy a house. | ||
| Yeah, because if you want to be in the city, right? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| But that's pretty much any city. | ||
| If you want to be in it, it's going to cost you a lot more. | ||
| It'll cost you a lot more, but you can live in West Hollywood. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I mean, New York is insanity. | |
| New York is insanity. | ||
| But you could live in West Hollywood, and it kind of makes sense. | ||
| You could rent in West Hollywood. | ||
| It's hard to own in West Hollywood. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Is it? | |
| I feel like everything's been purchased by somebody, and they just rent everything out. | ||
| Huh. | ||
| At extremely high rent. | ||
| Yeah, I guess that makes sense. | ||
| But there's stuff for sale. | ||
| But it just doesn't... | ||
| California is so strange because of the earthquakes. | ||
| Everything's all spread out. | ||
| Nothing's stacked on top of each other. | ||
| You have downtown, but downtown's so rare. | ||
| Downtown's so new. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, it is now. | ||
| It's becoming new again. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And real estate downtown's very expensive now, too. | ||
| I remember when they started doing it about 10 years ago, it was cheap. | ||
| Now you're like, wow, it's almost like New York pricing. | ||
| Yeah, they're turning it into an actual real city. | ||
| Johnny Depp is selling some... | ||
| Were you telling me about that? | ||
| What's he selling? | ||
| Johnny Depp is selling some preposterous chunk of real estate there where he's got like five floors and some gigantic... | ||
| Well, you know, he's getting divorced. | ||
| Yeah, so he's got to start dumping shit. | ||
| The kid's getting fucked. | ||
| He's getting fucked! | ||
| Johnny? | ||
| Yeah, he's gonna have to give up a ton of cash. | ||
| That dummy didn't even get a prenuptial. | ||
| At least I got a prenup this time. | ||
| Good for you. | ||
| This time? | ||
| This time. | ||
| First time, no. | ||
| First time, no, but I was only married for 14 months, so it didn't matter. | ||
| They can't fuck you if you're only married for 14 months? | ||
| No. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| Johnny Depp just listed his five Los Angeles penthouses for 12.78 million. | ||
| He's got five of them? | ||
| He just sold one of them. | ||
| Is it 12.7 each or in total? | ||
| Total for all five. | ||
| Oh, that's not too bad then. | ||
| No, it's not bad at all. | ||
| I thought they were all stacked. | ||
| I thought it was just... | ||
| They are. | ||
| It's like the top couple floors of one of those buildings. | ||
| It's all five units together. | ||
| It's all him. | ||
| What is he doing buying all this stuff? | ||
| They look pretty cool. | ||
| I think you guys buy all that stuff because the money starts flowing in. | ||
| He said, whoa, he's got some baller fucking houses. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| Yeah, that's some cool shit. | ||
| Wow, that is amazing. | ||
| What a cool looking place. | ||
| Three of them are connected. | ||
| The other two, I guess, are separate. | ||
| Oh, I see. | ||
| So he's selling those two and the other three. | ||
| But the problem with apartment living is, man, you wind up paying all that money and then the neighbor right next door has a party. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you listen to his bullshit. | ||
| That's probably why he bought all those so that way he was his own neighbor. | ||
| Yeah, that's a good move. | ||
| But you're still... | ||
| And also, then, if you're in downtown LA, one day, the fucking earth is going to shake. | ||
| And that building you're in is going to be useless. | ||
| You're not going to be able to fix that thing. | ||
| It's going to break. | ||
| There's going to be structural issues. | ||
| They're going to have to vacate the entire thing. | ||
| And you're going to get fucked out of all your hard-earned cash. | ||
| All that Jack Sparrow money. | ||
| Well, he's getting fucked out of it anyway. | ||
| His earth is shaking already. | ||
| But she's hooked up with Elon Musk. | ||
| Has she really? | ||
| Yeah, maybe she'll leave him alone. | ||
| Maybe she'll cut him some slack. | ||
| I did not know she was with Elon Musk now. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I thought Elon was smarter than that. | ||
| No. | ||
| You would think. | ||
| The guy's a fucking genius. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's a thinker. | |
| He's a forward thinker. | ||
| I think he likes pussy. | ||
| Yeah, we all like pussy. | ||
| Well, he was married to some actress before that, and apparently he didn't have a prenuptial with her. | ||
| Ugh. | ||
| Ugh, that's terrible. | ||
| Billionaire and the babe, Elon Musk, relentlessly pursued and was infatuated with Amber Heard, sending repeated emails requesting to meet the actress. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| I don't like the way that's phrased, because that's the work of some asshole. | ||
| Yeah, it sounds like he wanted to grab her pussy. | ||
| Who wrote that? | ||
| Is that a girl or a guy who wrote that? | ||
| Chris, so it could be either. | ||
| Yeah, right. | ||
| I like how you did that. | ||
| It was written by Pat. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Remember, it's Pat. | ||
| You couldn't do that today. | ||
| No. | ||
| If you did that today, they would call you transphobic. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's every phobic now. | ||
| She's not gender binary. | ||
| Z's not gender binary. | ||
| From your part of town, University of Toronto, there's this embattled professor who's standing his ground. | ||
| Against political correctness in Toronto. | ||
| And the kids are going crazy. | ||
| They're trying to get him removed. | ||
| He just refuses to use the 28 different gender pronouns. | ||
| He refuses to let people choose what gender pronoun they want to be called. | ||
| He's like, no, I'm going to call men men. | ||
| I'm going to call women women. | ||
| Like, this is ridiculous. | ||
| And this is censorship. | ||
| Like, you're trying to change people's behavior. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Here's the problem, is that people now, with all this new liberty, they're just choosing to do things. | ||
| As opposed to actually being a certain way. | ||
| And I saw this story about this kid, Gavin something or another. | ||
| I think it was in North Carolina, if I'm not mistaken. | ||
| And was born a girl. | ||
| But when you see it, he's a 14 or 15 year old... | ||
| And he identifies as a male. | ||
| And when you see it, you're like, oh yeah, he's a boy. | ||
| There's no reason for me to not believe that this is the right way for this person to be. | ||
| But it should be case to case. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| It shouldn't be. | ||
| You can't just blanket statement, oh, whatever you want to be, you can be. | ||
| No, fuck that. | ||
| It has to be genuine. | ||
| You can't just do it because that's the thing to do right now. | ||
| It does have to be genuine, but when you open it up like that, then it gives people who legitimately feel like they're in the wrong gender, it gives them the opportunity to express themselves in a different gender. | ||
| What's fucked up is that you're born a boy and you're a fucking boy, alright? | ||
| You're born a girl, you're a girl. | ||
| But if you're born a girl... | ||
| And you feel like you're a boy, you're never really going to be a boy. | ||
| So if I call you a boy and you take a bunch of hormones and everything, you're still not a boy. | ||
| What would be nice and what's probably eventually going to happen, there's going to be a way that they can change your sex, like literally change your sex. | ||
| There's going to be some way where they interfere with your DNA, they get in there and Russell Peters becomes Russellina Peters. | ||
| It's a little hacking on your system there. | ||
| If you were a girl, what would you change your name to? | ||
| Rose. | ||
| Ooh, I like it. | ||
| I still want to be RP. Beautiful. | ||
| You'd be beautiful. | ||
| You'd be like a flower. | ||
| I'd be a beautiful flower. | ||
| Russell, rose petals. | ||
| I would be Tulip. | ||
| I'd be Tulip Rogan. | ||
| I've always wanted to be a tulip. | ||
| I feel like they're an underappreciated flower. | ||
| They're very popular. | ||
| You don't want to be a rose because rose is like the king of the flowers. | ||
| It's a lot of pressure. | ||
| But then you don't want to be orchid because that's the more expensive. | ||
| Orchids more expensive than roses? | ||
| Fuck yeah, they're very expensive. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How do you know this? | ||
| Because my fiancee loves orchids. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| But the good thing with those is you buy one and they last for a long time. | ||
| You can keep those alive. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| How's that? | ||
| The way they are. | ||
| You wrap them around a stick and they just keep growing. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| So when you buy them, are they in dirt? | ||
| Yeah, you get them in dirt. | ||
| Okay, so roses, you buy them and they're in a bush, so they're cut. | ||
| Yeah, they die quick. | ||
| Yeah, it's like that life support system thing they do where they put it in water. | ||
| Like, hey, keep the roses in water to keep them fresh. | ||
| They're dead. | ||
| You killed them. | ||
| Should we pull the plug on these roses yet? | ||
| You know what I found out recently, we were talking about this the other day, that you can take the stem of one plant and plant it on another plant. | ||
| I was at this ranch and they had pistachio trees and the arms of the pistachio trees are grafted onto an avocado tree. | ||
| So that stem cell. | ||
| No, it's not. | ||
| You just tried to make a pun out of it. | ||
| I did, I did. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Son of a bitch. | |
| That can't all be good, Joe. | ||
| You gotta spit them out so that way they get out there and you find out if they're good or not. | ||
| But you can't take a rose, like when someone gives you a rose that's been cut, you can't make that thing stay alive, can you? | ||
| Can you plant it in dirt? | ||
| No, no. | ||
| It needs roots, right? | ||
| It needs the roots. | ||
| It's not gonna grow roots, right? | ||
| No, it can't. | ||
| I don't think it can grow roots. | ||
| It's over. | ||
| I think the top of the bud can flourish still. | ||
| The flower? | ||
| Yeah, the flower itself. | ||
| It can do what? | ||
| It can still flourish for a little while. | ||
| But the body is dead, basically. | ||
| The stem's dead? | ||
| Yeah, the stem's dead. | ||
| But you can't take the flower and somehow... | ||
| But it dies in increments. | ||
| It's dead from the cut point, I would imagine. | ||
| Oh, is that what it is? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I'm assuming it would be dead from the cut point, and then it just slowly dies its way up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hmm. | |
| That makes sense, right? | ||
| Oh, you can't? | ||
| So, I'm an idiot. | ||
| No. | ||
| You can regrow a rose once you cut it off the stem? | ||
| For real. | ||
| I'm just not a horticulturalist. | ||
| Well, it's interesting to watch people who know flowers. | ||
| They know what to trim and what not to trim. | ||
| They're constantly, like, cutting pieces off of it. | ||
| That's why they do what they do, and we just pay them to do that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Okay, I have nothing. | ||
| I got nothing for that. | ||
| What's that? | ||
| You can use it, doing it using potatoes. | ||
| Oh, I've seen that before. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| So you take the stem, you stick it in a potato, and what does a potato do? | ||
| It probably helps give it a root base, I would imagine. | ||
| I'm making a guess on that. | ||
| Can people hear you right now on that? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You guys can't hear me because you don't have headphones on. | ||
| But they won't do that in LA because people tend to avoid potatoes and carbs. | ||
| They do now. | ||
| It's the newest thing. | ||
| Have you been on that yet? | ||
| What? | ||
| Avoiding carbs? | ||
| No. | ||
| Clearly, look at me. | ||
| I look like I've avoided a carb. | ||
| You don't give a fuck, do you? | ||
| I do. | ||
| I just fucking like food. | ||
| I do, too. | ||
| I give myself cheat days. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| When I was for the special, I had hired Alex Ariza to train me. | ||
| Alex Ariza, the guy who trained Pacquiao? | ||
| Really? | ||
| Did he get you on steroids? | ||
| No, no, no, he didn't. | ||
| Isn't he famous for that? | ||
| That's what everybody thinks he does, but I didn't see it. | ||
| He just works you fucking incredibly hard. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| Yeah, and I was like, Alex, you know I don't have a fight coming up, right? | ||
| Like, literally. | ||
| I'm not exaggerating when I tell you this. | ||
| I would spar 12 rounds boxing, and then... | ||
|
unidentified
|
12? | |
| 12 with 30-second breaks. | ||
| What? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then after that, an hour and a half of core. | ||
| Come on. | ||
| Oh my God, I'm dying. | ||
| And I would literally get home and just be in bed for the rest of the day. | ||
| That was it. | ||
| So all that core stuff that Pacquiao does, do you think he got all that from him? | ||
| I would imagine so. | ||
| Because I was always wondering. | ||
| I've never seen a fighter work more on their core than Pacquiao. | ||
| He was telling me, though, that Pacquiao was addicted to that, though. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| He would have to tell Pacquiao, don't do fucking sit-ups today. | ||
| Why? | ||
| Because, you know, take a day off, let your muscles rest. | ||
| And he was like, no, you would just catch them, just doing them all the time. | ||
| And he would do like a thousand sit-ups. | ||
| Something stupid. | ||
| He said I couldn't get him to stop doing sit-ups. | ||
| He couldn't stop. | ||
| He was addicted to doing sit-ups. | ||
| That's so bizarre. | ||
| That's the one thing that most people hate. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I hated these weird planking things he made me do. | ||
| I hated them. | ||
| Oh, like on your elbows? | ||
| Not even on my elbows. | ||
| On the medicine ball, the half ball. | ||
| He'd turn it upside down and I would be on that and then my feet would be on a medicine ball. | ||
| So I'd be at that angle struggling the whole time. | ||
| And he'd just make you stand there? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| 10 seconds, 15 seconds. | ||
| It's a long time. | ||
| Now, how'd you get in touch with that guy? | ||
| You know, Ellie Secback? | ||
| No. | ||
| He does ES News. | ||
| He's a boxing kid. | ||
| Oh, I know the name. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He put me in touch with him. | ||
| That's a weird guy to get as a trainer, though, isn't it? | ||
| The problem was I wanted to get skinny. | ||
| I wanted to lose weight. | ||
| I wanted to get small. | ||
| Alex is one of those guys who's like, no, I want to make sure you're fit and you're in shape. | ||
| I'm like, dude, I looked the same, but I was more fit. | ||
| But you hadn't lost any weight? | ||
| No, I lost fat percentage. | ||
| And gain muscle mass. | ||
| But that's not what I wanted. | ||
| What did you want? | ||
| I don't have a fucking fight coming up. | ||
| I just wanted to get skinny. | ||
| You just want to slim down. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Give me AIDS if I have to. | ||
| Did you really say that? | ||
| How dare you. | ||
| Right now, Eazy-E is spinning in his grave. | ||
| Well, you know. | ||
| Do you think he really had AIDS? It would appear so. | ||
| I don't think anybody would want to fake that one. | ||
| I mean, usually now when somebody dies of AIDS and they don't want to say it, they just say he had pneumonia. | ||
| Well, how few heterosexual people got AIDS? That's what's interesting, you know? | ||
| That's true. | ||
| It is a difficult way to get it. | ||
| Yeah, like if Wilt Chamberlain didn't get AIDS, how does anybody have AIDS? Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right? | |
| And Magic Johnson. | ||
| Well, he did. | ||
| He got the hiv. | ||
| But apparently he reads clear now. | ||
| That's what the word on the street is, that his tests are... | ||
| Yeah, I don't understand that. | ||
| Apparently, you can get HIV to such a level that your body doesn't detect it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's all very confusing. | ||
| Diseases are very confusing. | ||
| Commenting on any of that stuff. | ||
| Like, where's the AIDS? Where'd it go? | ||
| Come on. | ||
| Everybody thought by the time this 2016 rolled around, we'd all be dead. | ||
| We'd all have AIDS, we'd all be dead. | ||
| Right? | ||
| And then Chris Rock did the joke 20 years ago, remember? | ||
| What was that joke? | ||
| My AIDS is acting up. | ||
| He said AIDS is just going to get to a point where it's just manageable. | ||
| With medication. | ||
| Oh, that's right. | ||
| And it's basically where we're at right now. | ||
| Well, it's even crazier than manageable. | ||
| It's non-existent. | ||
| Do you remember when Sam Kinison had that bit about it? | ||
| Sam Kinison had like the most controversial bit. | ||
| He's like, Sam, they say, it's a communicable disease. | ||
| Heterosexuals can die from it too. | ||
| He goes, name one! | ||
| Name one fucking guy! | ||
| Name one! | ||
| Because it's not our dance! | ||
| Remember he had that thing about Rock Hudson? | ||
| Oh, I remember that. | ||
| You know, Rock Hudson had to be on his deathbed going, it was that last fucking dick. | ||
| It was that last dick. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Why did I suck it? | |
| Why did I suck it? | ||
| Millions of dicks. | ||
| Nothing ever went wrong. | ||
| Dick, dick, dick. | ||
| Suck, suck, suck. | ||
| It was that last dick. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, oh! | |
| That guy, man. | ||
| That's a guy that you can't imitate. | ||
| That's a real revolution in comedy. | ||
| There's only been a few real revolutions. | ||
| There's that distinct voice that people get, right? | ||
| There's the mellow guys, there's the... | ||
| And if anybody does try to go that route, it's always trying to do Sam. | ||
| And now there's the people that want to be Mitch, and then there's the people that want to be Bill or Louie. | ||
| The Bill one was awesome, because there were so many people that were trying to be like Hicks. | ||
| There were so many Hicks clones, especially after he died, and everybody's like, I'm going to pick up the mantle. | ||
| I'm going to be that tortured road warrior who writes poems. | ||
| Yeah, see, to me, Hicks always read to me as a... | ||
| Angry dorky guy. | ||
| Angry nerd. | ||
| That's how I always saw him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| I never looked at him and go, that guy's so cool. | ||
| Sam, I looked at him and go, that guy's kind of cool. | ||
| He's very rock and roll, you know? | ||
| Well, what's hilarious is Ari Shafir challenges people. | ||
| He goes, he wasn't funny. | ||
| He goes, show me one joke where Hicks was funny. | ||
| And people get crazy. | ||
| They get so mad. | ||
| They attack him. | ||
| They go after him. | ||
| He's like, yeah, good point. | ||
| He made a good point, but not funny. | ||
| Next. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm with Ari on this. | ||
| I was never a Hicks fan, but... | ||
| I'm a Hicks fan. | ||
| I'm a Hicks fan. | ||
| Always will be. | ||
| I'm a fan of what he did, like the style. | ||
| It was very fascinating to me to watch, but he definitely wasn't the most hilarious guy. | ||
| It wasn't like Joey Diaz. | ||
| Like, you watch him and you can't stop laughing. | ||
| You're just crying. | ||
| I think Kindler is a better version of Hicks. | ||
| Kindler? | ||
| How so? | ||
| I mean, Kindler's got that fucking sharpness to him. | ||
| But he's a lot of shticky stuff. | ||
| He does some shticky stuff, but you almost know he's doing it on purpose. | ||
| Oh, he definitely is. | ||
| But again, he's also one of those guys that only comics know about or love. | ||
| Yeah, that's weird. | ||
| I always felt like Kindler would catch on. | ||
| He was on somebody's sitcom for a minute. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Was he? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What sitcom did Kindler end up on? | ||
| You thinking about Patton? | ||
| No. | ||
| Because Patton was on a sitcom. | ||
| Patton was on Kevin James sitcom. | ||
| Yeah, I think Andy Kindler dropped in on that every now and then too. | ||
| Did he? | ||
| Or was it Drew Carey's? | ||
| One of them. | ||
| Do you got that info? | ||
| Bob's Burgers. | ||
| What's Bob's Burgers? | ||
| Cartoon. | ||
| I did a voice on Bob's Burgers once. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's on Marin. | |
| He's on Marin? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's on Marin as a guest every now and then? | ||
| For three seasons. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Was he on anything else? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hmm. | |
| Comedy Bang Bang. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| That's Reggie Watts' thing, wasn't it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Scott Ockerman, I think. | ||
| Reggie Watts is on that new show where he's the band guy. | ||
| Was it James Corden? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Have you watched that show? | ||
| I haven't, no. | ||
| Good for you. | ||
| Stay away from that TV. Go read a book. | ||
| He's on Everybody Loves Raymond. | ||
| That's what it was. | ||
| Oh, he was? | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| Everybody loves Raymond. | ||
| Is the sitcom dead? | ||
| The sitcom is dead as we know it, I think. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Seems like it. | ||
| Well, the traditional sitcom is dead. | ||
| Do you sit around thinking about things that you can do? | ||
| I do all the time. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| I think about it all the time. | ||
| Ruben Paul and I have an idea for a show. | ||
| But we don't know which way to go. | ||
| Why don't you say it on the air so someone can steal it? | ||
| Yeah, I know. | ||
| That's why I'm not saying it. | ||
| Well, it's my life, so you can't steal my life. | ||
| You could try. | ||
| I know. | ||
| Aziz Ansari start gaining weight. | ||
| You son of a bitch, how dare you? | ||
| I'm out of here! | ||
| I went there, motherfucker. | ||
| I don't give a shit. | ||
| I'm smoking a joint, even though you don't smoke pot. | ||
| How come you don't smoke pot? | ||
| What's that about? | ||
| I didn't like the way I felt on it. | ||
| I didn't like feeling slow. | ||
| Makes you feel slow? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How so? | ||
| Like just dopey. | ||
| I felt like, like too mellow, which I didn't want to feel. | ||
| Are you sure you're smoking the right shit? | ||
| I mean, you know, this was the 90s when I tried it. | ||
| The 90s? | ||
| The 90s, they hadn't figured out Sativa yet. | ||
| No. | ||
| Maybe they did. | ||
| There's no way to have it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They did. | |
| They did figure it out. | ||
| No. | ||
| You don't know shit. | ||
| Back then, it was either... | ||
| You either had Sess or... | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| Or fucking... | ||
| OG Kush. | ||
| Chronic. | ||
| Not even. | ||
| I was in Toronto, so it was either Jamaican stuff or the Hydro stuff. | ||
| What about edibles? | ||
| That's what fucked me up. | ||
| Oh, you went too deep. | ||
| I did an edible 11 or 12 years ago. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| One of those little two-bite brownies. | ||
| But I did not know you're supposed to only have one bite. | ||
| Oh, that's fucked up more people. | ||
| Like, eating too much edibles has fucked up more people with pot than probably anything ever. | ||
| Yeah, I ate the whole brownie. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And wanted to fucking die. | ||
| I'm sure you've seen the 9-11 video that was on YouTube of the cops that called 9-11 because there was a guy they pulled over. | ||
| He had some pot. | ||
| They stole the pot from him and made brownies with it and ate the brownies and thought the brownies were poisoned and thought they were dying. | ||
| Thought they were dead. | ||
| Time's moving really slow. | ||
| You ever seen that? | ||
| No. | ||
| Fire that up, Jamie. | ||
| Find that, please. | ||
| It's hilarious. | ||
| It's fucking hilarious. | ||
| Because it's what happens. | ||
| Marijuana, I've said this before, so please forgive me if you've heard this and you're listening. | ||
| Marijuana, when you eat it, it's processed by your liver. | ||
| And it produces something called 11-hydroxy metabolite. | ||
| That's five times more psychoactive than THC. So there's THC, which you get when you smoke it. | ||
| And then when you eat it, it's a totally different drug. | ||
| And so when people go, oh my god, this is not pot, something's in this. | ||
| No, that's pot when you eat it. | ||
| Pot when you eat it is like a totally different dimension. | ||
| You open a different door, you go down a different hallway, you're in a different building. | ||
| You're like, this is not pot. | ||
| No, it's pot. | ||
| That's pot when you eat it. | ||
| I was stuck to the bed, literally laying in a spread eagle. | ||
| Oh, the 911 call for the cops? | ||
| The cops called 911 for the... | ||
| It's a classic. | ||
| And I was clinging. | ||
| I was literally... | ||
| My nails were... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I thought I was going to... | ||
| Like, the bed was going to fly. | ||
| Yeah, I've been there, dude. | ||
| And I was... | ||
| All I could do was mumble. | ||
| I couldn't even muster words out of my mouth. | ||
| My tongue was dead. | ||
| It was... | ||
| It's my favorite way to be. | ||
| Oh, it scared the shit out of me. | ||
| What I like about being there is that you always come back. | ||
| Like, you really think you're going to die, but you always come back. | ||
| And you're always fine. | ||
| And you come back. | ||
| Doc, here, listen to this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Pot brownie overdosed. | |
| I think I'm having an overdose of my wife. | ||
| Okay, you and your wife? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Overdose of what? | ||
| Marijuana. | ||
| I don't know if it had something in it. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Can you please send rescue? | ||
| Okay, how old are you? | ||
| I'm 28, 29 years old and my wife is 26. Please come. | ||
| 26? | ||
| Yes, please. | ||
| Have you guys been drinking also? | ||
| What? | ||
| Have you guys been drinking today too? | ||
| No, that's it. | ||
| Is there any weapons in the house? | ||
| No, please come. | ||
| Okay, we're on our way. | ||
| Are you guys like, do you guys have fever or anything? | ||
| No, I'm just... | ||
| I think we're dying. | ||
| How much did you guys have? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| We made brownies, and I think we're dead. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I really do. | |
| Okay, how much did you put in the brownies? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Was it a bag? | ||
| Who made the brownies? | ||
| My wife and I did. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Cuba, come here. | |
| Okay, get her. | ||
| She's on the living room ground right now. | ||
| Is she breathing? | ||
| Barely breathing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Is she awake? | |
| I think so. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay, can you look? | |
| Pardon? | ||
| Can you look? | ||
| Can you look to see she's alive? | ||
| She's laying right down in front of me. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Time is going by really, really, really, really slow. | |
| Okay, well, I'm on the phone with you. | ||
| Do you know how much of it you bought and put in the brownies? | ||
| Pardon? | ||
| How much did you buy? | ||
| I don't. | ||
| Just please send rescue. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They're on the way, but I'm trying to figure out how much you bought and put into the brownies, sir. | |
| Probably like a quarter ounce total. | ||
| A quarter ounce total into the brownies? | ||
| Did you guys eat all the brownies? | ||
| Yeah, we did. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Was it a big batch, a little batch? | ||
| It was a quarter ounce. | ||
| Okay, but brownie-wise, how many pieces do you guys think you guys had? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I probably had like a small chunk. | |
| Please come. | ||
| What time is it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's 9.37. | |
| When did you guys last eat the brownies? | ||
| Probably like an hour and a half ago Okay, is your wife still breathing? | ||
| Yeah, she is. | ||
| She's sitting, she's kneeling down in front of me. | ||
| She's moving. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| I know. | ||
| We have to wait. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| And is she Stacy Sanchez? | ||
| Yes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And what's your name? | |
| My name is Edward. | ||
| You're Edward Sanchez? | ||
| Okay. | ||
| And did you guys have any other... | ||
| It goes on for a while. | ||
| But what's hilarious is the lady who answered the phone, she didn't even bother. | ||
| She didn't rush. | ||
| She knew they were fine because she was sober. | ||
| That's my favorite thing. | ||
| She just keeps asking questions. | ||
| If that was a gunshot wound, would she be asking so many questions? | ||
| Where are you? | ||
| Yeah, if somebody blacked out, they think they had a heart attack, she wouldn't be asking so many questions with these pot dummies. | ||
| One of my friends had one a couple years ago when he came out here to see us. | ||
| He had a cookie. | ||
| And when it hit him, he turned fucking so pasty white. | ||
| And he thought he was dying. | ||
| Same, same, exact same reaction. | ||
| I even called my doctor for him because, you know, I'm like, anything I could do? | ||
| He goes, no, just tell him to relax. | ||
| He's got to wear off. | ||
| That's all. | ||
| Drink some water. | ||
| You really feel like you're done, though. | ||
| You really do. | ||
| You really feel like, man, I really fucked up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's over. | ||
| Yeah, he was done. | ||
| What'd you get back? | ||
| So what should I try? | ||
| Shouldn't try anything if you don't want to. | ||
| I mean, you're a happy guy. | ||
| I'm a happy guy. | ||
| I would not look at you and say Russell Peters needs anything in his life other than what he's doing. | ||
| I enjoy me some tequila. | ||
| I do too. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's just the health consequences of that stuff are just so different than what happens with pot. | ||
| What happens with pot is, drumroll... | ||
| Nothing. | ||
| Nothing. | ||
| You get high as fuck the next day, you go to the gym, you feel great. | ||
| Like, there's no health consequences. | ||
| If I get drunk and I've been drunk, I feel like shit the next day, man. | ||
| I just feel like shit. | ||
| But what are you drinking? | ||
| Anything. | ||
| If I drink too much wine, I feel like shit the next day. | ||
| If I drink too much whiskey, I feel like shit the next day. | ||
| If I drink too much beer, I feel like shit the next day. | ||
| I work out, I can feel it, I feel like weakened. | ||
| Tequila, I feel fine the next day. | ||
| You're a maniac. | ||
| But that's all, just drink it straight. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| That's a terrible advice. | ||
| He's giving this terrible advice to people. | ||
| But the thing is, you don't have to have, like, fucking, you know, a ten of them. | ||
| You just have, you know, I have maybe two glasses. | ||
| I sip them all night. | ||
| Brian Regan takes a shot before every show. | ||
| He does one shot before every show. | ||
| That seems like a damn good idea. | ||
| It's not a bad idea. | ||
| Because your body really doesn't have a hard time processing one shot of whiskey. | ||
| Like one shot of whiskey is like no big deal. | ||
| It's when you go like three, four, you have a beer, you have a fucking margarita. | ||
| I don't mess around like that. | ||
| It's just straight tequila. | ||
| I'm a huge Hunter S. Thompson fan and one of the saddest things to me is watching Thompson from the time he was a really young man when he first started making it as a journalist and a writer to the way was as he got older and I think a big big part of it was the alcohol like he just drank so much booze that at the end he was almost incoherent he would go on Letterman and Conan O'Brien and you barely understood what he was saying And you just saw it. | ||
| It's like, that stuff will fucking get you. | ||
| You know who always sounded drunk was Hitchens. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Well, he was drunk a lot. | ||
| He did always sound drunk. | ||
| He was drunk a lot and he smoked cigarettes as well, which is just so unfortunate for such a brilliant guy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know? | ||
| He did smoke cigarettes, right? | ||
| He sounded like he did. | ||
| Doug Stano, what does it say? | ||
| Did you ever see his booze suit he had when he got on the cruise? | ||
| No. | ||
| He snuck on all this alcohol. | ||
| How to smuggle booze on the cruise ship. | ||
| He's wearing... | ||
| I don't know, liters of whiskey and vodka and mixers. | ||
| In those things? | ||
| Yeah, he had it all like in bladders and tucked into small plastic bags. | ||
| Stan Hope's so skinny now. | ||
| See, you can't take this stuff on a cruise ship, I guess. | ||
| I've never been on one. | ||
| That is hilarious. | ||
| Actually, you can. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| Because they want you to buy their booze? | ||
| Is that what it is? | ||
| Yeah, but they always have shit booze on board. | ||
| They do? | ||
| So look at this. | ||
| He's got a suit on. | ||
| Oh my god, with bags of whiskey. | ||
| This is so ridiculous. | ||
| It's like someone in a movie when they're making jokes about like, give me all your guns, and they have them tucked everywhere. | ||
| Oh my god, this is so ridiculous. | ||
| But he's ruining it for everyone now. | ||
| Oh, he's got it in his dick. | ||
| He's got a tequila tucked into his jockstrap. | ||
| Are you playing this? | ||
| Yeah, I have a little bit of it. | ||
| Oh my god, this is insane. | ||
| Hilarious. | ||
| He had it in his socks. | ||
| A flask. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| It's enough for a party of like 25 people probably. | ||
| Not for 25 Stanhopes though. | ||
| That's the difference. | ||
| I love him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We are ready for our Norwegian Cruise Line's Impractical Jokers Cruise. | |
| Hilarious. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Smuggled alcohol. | |
| Drop trow. | ||
| I don't want to drop trow. | ||
| Drop trow. | ||
| She's just yelling at her. | ||
| Take his pants down. | ||
| I should announce this. | ||
| We're doing an end-of-the-world election night comedy podcast from the Comedy Store. | ||
| And it's gonna be Stan Hope and myself and Fitzsimmons is gonna do it. | ||
| We're probably gonna have some other people too. | ||
| And maybe Russell Peters. | ||
| I'll drop it. | ||
| Fuck yeah, bitch! | ||
| What's the date? | ||
| Whatever the election day is. | ||
| Is that the third? | ||
| It might be the 7th. | ||
| 7th? | ||
| I think the election's on the 8th, so this will be the day before. | ||
| Oh, God. | ||
| This election's weird, man. | ||
| It's a good time to be American, guys. | ||
| This is a weird one. | ||
| This is a weird one, because so many people just want to see it play out. | ||
| Somebody tweeted, I forgot who it was, but it was hilarious. | ||
| They said, I can't wait to see the series finale of America. | ||
| Wow. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It really almost feels like it. | |
| You're going to vote, right? | ||
| Yeah, I guess. | ||
| I'm going to vote for Gary Johnson, I think. | ||
| Even though he doesn't know what Aleppo is. | ||
| You know, here's the thing. | ||
| When I heard them ask him that question, it sounded like they wanted to know what he thought about something called Lepo. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| What do you think about a Lepo? | ||
| I think he said, what are you going to do about a Lepo? | ||
| What are you going to do about a Lepo? | ||
| And he was like, I'm sorry? | ||
| I think the question just confused him. | ||
| Well, it's... | ||
| It's a really important thing to know if you want to be... | ||
| I mean, what has he been doing? | ||
| He's running for president now. | ||
| That takes up all of his time. | ||
| But how much was he doing when he was the governor of New Mexico as far as paying attention to world issues? | ||
| I don't know how much you have to. | ||
| You're no more than a regular person, right? | ||
| It's always weird that we get these people running for president that are from states where you're like, do they think about the rest of the world there? | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know, Arkansas and New Mexico. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, I think more people do now than ever before. | ||
| More people definitely think about the rest of the world now than they did, say, 20 or 30 years ago. | ||
| Just because we're in contact with people more, you know? | ||
| The Internet's giving people more ideas, more things to look up, more things to think about. | ||
| But, man. | ||
| Not knowing Aleppo. | ||
| You gotta know Aleppo. | ||
| You know what's funny is? | ||
| I didn't know it. | ||
| I didn't know it at the time. | ||
| I didn't know it. | ||
| I knew that there was tremendous issues in Syria, but I didn't know what the name of the city was. | ||
| It sounded like a nickname for something. | ||
| Aleppo. | ||
| And then, you know, being Indian, I was like, oh, I must be asking about Aleper. | ||
| There was the other one, though, where he didn't know any world leaders. | ||
| Yeah, that's a problem. | ||
| That's a big problem. | ||
| That's a bigger problem than not knowing Aleppo. | ||
| Yeah, you gotta be careful there, dude. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You gotta have some people that you admire. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Look up to somebody in your business. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think he said Angela Merkel, right? | ||
| Is that what he said? | ||
| I think his vice president threw that out for him. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Who's his running mate? | ||
| Some other dude. | ||
| Bill Weld, former governor of Massachusetts Weld. | ||
| Oh, Bill Weld. | ||
| Oh, that's his vice president? | ||
| I should know that. | ||
| I've almost, like, given up. | ||
| It's like I'm a Cubs fan. | ||
| It's like they're not gonna win, they're not gonna win, they're not gonna... | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| They might win this year. | ||
| They might, I heard. | ||
| Bob Newhart's all excited. | ||
| He's 87. He said he's too old for this shit. | ||
| I love Bob. | ||
| But those Cubs fans, man, they hang in there no matter what. | ||
| I gotta support Toronto. | ||
| You know, it's my city. | ||
| I understand. | ||
| Even though I don't know a damn thing about baseball. | ||
| But doesn't this seem like a... | ||
| It seems like a ridiculous sporting event? | ||
| I mean, it really almost does. | ||
| It's almost like, who can I demean and insult more to diminish them more contest? | ||
| Like, have you really thought like that about... | ||
| Like... | ||
| Part of it is like they go for the worst aspects of each other and they try to like do it on live TV. It's an ugly precedent to set for the country, you know? | ||
| Especially, you know, when they try to justify it, I think, by looking at the rest of the world when they have elections and how it gets really violent in all these other parts of the world. | ||
| And, you know, you remember when some leaders, I don't forget what countries it is, but somewhere in Europe, the leaders get into fights with each other in their... | ||
| In their government offices. | ||
| Oh, yeah, they have fucking crazy gang fights. | ||
| Yeah, there's one in some parliament or something like that. | ||
| Was it in China? | ||
| Was it in China? | ||
| It might have been China or Korea. | ||
| I think it was Korea because I saw the guy throw a kick. | ||
| Oh, I think so. | ||
| And they went nuts on each other. | ||
| They started fucking kicking the shit out of each other. | ||
| And then there was one in Ukraine, remember? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| And Ukraine's not the place you want to do it. | ||
| What if, you know, Vitaly Klitsch goes to running, you're running against him, you know? | ||
| Ukraine people, they're cut from a different cloth. | ||
| All those people from that part of the world, there's something extra strong about them. | ||
| You know, just the robustness of the people. | ||
| They're survivors. | ||
| Fuck yeah, man. | ||
| It's cold as shit up there. | ||
| Cold as shit, and they were repressed for so many years. | ||
| Yeah, you could take some dude who lives in Siberia, some man and his wife from Siberia. | ||
| Look at Ruslan Provodnikov. | ||
| He's from Siberia. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| He may not be the best at it, but he sure is the toughest at it. | ||
| Well, wasn't Karelin from Siberia as well? | ||
| Alexander Karelin, the wrestler? | ||
| I could not confirm or deny this. | ||
| Do you know who that is? | ||
| I do not. | ||
| Dude. | ||
| Maybe the scariest guy of all time. | ||
| In the history of Russian athletes, there's one guy who stands out. | ||
| The only wrestling match he lost in the Olympics was to Rulon Gardner. | ||
| I think that was the only in his entire amateur career. | ||
| And I might be wrong about that. | ||
| But... | ||
| I know he lost to him in the Olympics, and the only reason why he lost to him was like some new rule where if you separated the hands, it would be a point. | ||
| It was the first time that was ever in the Olympics. | ||
| So if you're, because they're Greco-Roman. | ||
| Do they have gable grip in Greco-Roman? | ||
| They do a bunch of shit, but it's mostly upper body grappling and collar ties. | ||
| They don't shoot doubles. | ||
| It's like, it's a different style of wrestling. | ||
| And Corellin excelled at it, because he was this freak specimen. | ||
| But he's from Siberia, but he was like 6'3", 300 pounds. | ||
| Just a ridiculous guy. | ||
| And there's a picture of him hoisting this guy in the air. | ||
| And I have it in my gym. | ||
| I stare at it all the time. | ||
| Like if I ever take myself seriously, this picture right here. | ||
| If I ever want to know and really truly understand what a pussy I am... | ||
| I need to look at this picture of Corellin. | ||
| He's gritting his teeth, and he's hoisting this guy up in the air. | ||
| Dude, no mouth guard. | ||
| Look at the size of his fucking quads. | ||
|
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|
I mean, he was a freak. | |
| Giant calves. | ||
| He was a freak. | ||
| And he fucking ragdolled dudes. | ||
| How old is he now? | ||
| Well, he's a wrestling coach now. | ||
| I believe, if I had to guess, I would say he's probably 50. I bet you Bellator will sign him. | ||
| Dude, he almost went to MMA in the 1990s. | ||
| How old is he? | ||
| 49. 49. So I'm close. | ||
| He almost went into MMA in the 1990s. | ||
| It may have been the early 2000s. | ||
| I think he was thinking about doing it. | ||
| Because I know there were some offers. | ||
| I feel like he did some pro wrestling thing. | ||
| I think he might have done some fake wrestling thing, like for money or something like that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But dude, he was a freak! | |
| Just a freak. | ||
| And he would throw guys around in this really ridiculous way where they just, they were like little children. | ||
| Because he was a big giant dude, like look at the size of that motherfucker! | ||
| But he was also really agile. | ||
| Like these rolls that he could do, these dives, he was like so gentle in a lot of his movements, but freakishly strong. | ||
| So he had achieved this spectacular balance Of incredible technique, but ridiculous freakish human athletic ability. | ||
| So he had like the combination of those things. | ||
| Like look at his technique, everything is perfect, but he's also tremendously strong. | ||
| Like the Russian wrestling coaching. | ||
| The look on that guy's face. | ||
| Russian wrestling is incredibly technical. | ||
| Well, just the Eastern Bloc countries, they have a super high level of wrestling technical skill. | ||
| That's one of the reasons why George St. Pierre is so good, because he was training with these Russian nationals that came over and lived in Montreal. | ||
| That's where St. Pierre learned how to wrestle. | ||
| Yeah, he has a solid base. | ||
| Dude, he's incredible. | ||
| Is he coming back? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| He keeps thinking about it and talking about it. | ||
| I'm sure you've heard the rumors. | ||
| Yeah, well they're talking about like a super fight with Anderson. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| In Toronto. | ||
| No one's told that to me. | ||
| I've not heard that. | ||
| I mean, I've heard it, but I've not heard it from a human. | ||
| If I was George, and I was thinking right now, I think George St. Pierre is... | ||
| I mean, there's only a small handful of people as famous in the world of MMA as a fighter as George St. Pierre. | ||
| There's Conor, who's the most famous. | ||
| There's Ronda, who's right up there. | ||
| Ronda and Conor are almost interchangeable in my eyes. | ||
| As far as how famous they are. | ||
| Maybe more Conor because he's famous worldwide. | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| It's super close. | ||
| I think Ronda affected her legacy by taking that year off. | ||
| Well, that doesn't matter. | ||
| If she comes back with a storm, she beats Amanda Nunes and gets the belt, she's bigger than ever. | ||
| It's a tough one. | ||
| It's a very tough one, but if she does do it, she's bigger than ever. | ||
| She's got that, whatever it is, that dynamic personality that people get attracted to, and there's something about her losing, and maybe even losing like that, that could even make it more attractive to some folks. | ||
| You know, it makes her more human, makes her more vulnerable. | ||
| You know, one of the things that people didn't like about her was how confident and strong... | ||
| She was very invincible at the time. | ||
| Well, and she was also, like, really aggressive about it with other girls. | ||
| But, you know, in her eyes, those girls were trying to take something from her. | ||
| Well, she was the Mike Tyson of MMA. The only way you get to be a champion is if you have that insane belief in yourself. | ||
| But when you lose the way she lost to Holly, which is a devastating knockout, it's always interesting to see how someone rebounds. | ||
| Some people rebound, they become better. | ||
| They come back tougher and stronger. | ||
| That's what we're hoping for. | ||
| That's what you're hoping for. | ||
| Or some people come back, they fight smarter. | ||
| That was George St. Pierre. | ||
| When George St. Pierre got beaten up by Matt Serra, Matt Serra clobbered him. | ||
| Just clobbered him. | ||
| Clipped him, hurt him, got on top of him, mounted him, punched him in the face, made him tap. | ||
| He beat the shit out of him. | ||
| And George came back better than ever. | ||
| He just regrouped. | ||
| But George also didn't take a year off in between there. | ||
| It's true. | ||
| It's true, but I don't know. | ||
| And he didn't get on TV and, you know... | ||
| No, for sure. | ||
| George is a different person, for sure. | ||
| I love Rhonda, but I'm hoping for her. | ||
| I'm a big fan of taking a long time off when you get knocked out. | ||
| I get that. | ||
| I understand that. | ||
| I think it's real important. | ||
| It is very important. | ||
| However, what you do in that time and how you present yourself in that time is also important. | ||
| Well, she didn't really do much. | ||
| She kind of laid low. | ||
| You know? | ||
| She may have laid a little too low. | ||
| Nah. | ||
| Nah, I don't think so. | ||
| I see your point, but I disagree. | ||
| I think she can do whatever the fuck she wants. | ||
| I mean, I don't know that it really affected her brand so much, but... | ||
| You sound like a marketing genius. | ||
| That's what I'm just thinking about. | ||
| Dude, you should have a startup. | ||
| We should have a startup together. | ||
| Let's do it. | ||
| What do you want to do? | ||
| Weed for people who don't do weed. | ||
| What do you think is wrong with taking a year off? | ||
| Nothing's wrong with taking a year off, but you know that Ellen interview where she was talking about contemplating suicide? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| Forgot about that. | ||
| I mean, I think those are the things that showed the mental makeup, and that's where I think that's what's put the doubt in everybody's mind now. | ||
| If I had to do a Brendan Schaub right now, I'd say for sure don't do your first interview with Ellen on TV. Yeah, and cry. | ||
| Yeah, I don't know, man. | ||
| I think those TV formats, although I've done them and I enjoyed them, when you do those things, you can't be yourself in seven minutes. | ||
| It's not enough time. | ||
| Especially if they don't know you. | ||
| And the people you're talking to don't know you either. | ||
| There's a giant crowd of people, and there's lights that say applause, and there's a guy who like... | ||
| The clapping instead of laughing. | ||
| They had a warm-up guy who walks around. | ||
| Come on, guys! | ||
| We're going live! | ||
| We're coming back live. | ||
| You guys are super excited. | ||
| We're excited to have you. | ||
| Thanks for all your enthusiasm. | ||
| We really appreciate it. | ||
| I'm just going to need it. | ||
| Let's just 10% more, folks. | ||
| Come on, we can do this. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Take whatever you got and add 30 to it. | ||
| Now, Rhonda, tell us about your head trauma and all these people. | ||
| I mean, it's bizarre. | ||
| It's bizarre. | ||
| It's a bizarre way to talk to people. | ||
| I think what she should have done was talk to somebody in the fight game. | ||
| It would have been... | ||
| It would have been received a little bit better because then she would have been speaking to somebody knowledgeable about. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, you know what, man? | ||
| She can do whatever she wants to do. | ||
| I don't know what was going on in her head during that time, but I don't think there's anything wrong with taking a year off, getting your head together. | ||
| And she also had some injuries she had to take care of. | ||
| Do you think she should have changed her training camp? | ||
| I don't know what she's doing, honestly. | ||
| Word on the street is she's still right back at Glendale Fight Club. | ||
| Listen, whether or not that guy Edmund has had success with some of his students or what issues they've had, you can't deny that he's worked wonders with her hands. | ||
| Her striking ability, when she was warming up for that Betch-Cohuea fight, and they were in Brazil, they were on the sand, and they're doing these pad drills together, she looked fantastic, right? | ||
| You look at her when she first started striking, you look at it until now, a big percentage of that is those two working together. | ||
| So there's no denying there's some merit to what he does, unquestionably. | ||
| He's definitely helping her. | ||
| You would have to examine the whole camp like a scientist. | ||
| You'd have to sit down. | ||
| To do this right, you've got a world-class, world-championship-level racehorse in a woman like Ronda Rousey, or any fighter for that matter. | ||
| If you were the overseer, if you were someone who could say, okay, what is the best course of this thing? | ||
| Well, you have to address technical issues. | ||
| You've got to address psychological issues. | ||
| You've got to address comfort, nutrition, all these different things. | ||
| You'd say, okay, technically, what are we trying to achieve? | ||
| Victory, right? | ||
| Like, what is her best options? | ||
| Like, is she training with the best kind of sparring partners? | ||
| And the thing is, you don't fucking know. | ||
| Like, one person can do it one way and be super successful, then everybody says, well, that's the way to do it. | ||
| You don't spar, and you only do drills, and then you ride bikes. | ||
| That's what Donald Cerrone's been doing. | ||
| Or you could go the Eddie Alvarez route, right? | ||
| Eddie Alvarez sparred like 150 rounds preparing for Rafael dos Anjos. | ||
| So he went the other route. | ||
| He just said, we're going fucking crazy. | ||
| We're going to go old school, crazy. | ||
| We're going to go in there and brawl and just be completely prepared to fight. | ||
| But Cerrone doesn't continuously train without sparring, does he? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| How long has he been doing that? | ||
| Since the fight with Dos Anjos. | ||
| He was talking about it. | ||
| He said, you take too much punishment in the gym. | ||
| He's like, you're taking too much punishment in sparring. | ||
| And he just, he had some issues where, I think he said he closed his eyes and the equilibrium was given out. | ||
| He was falling. | ||
| And he was like, what the fuck? | ||
| He realized it was, he found out later it was an inner ear issue, I think it was, right? | ||
| Like a vertigo type thing. | ||
| Oh, it was a nose-clogging one that had affected his inner ear. | ||
| I think it was like an infection in some way. | ||
| So he decided, let's just do drills. | ||
| I know how to fight. | ||
| And he's had incredible results. | ||
| So I think some other guys are doing that too. | ||
| But also, in the frequency that Cerrone fights it as well, he can probably get by without doing that because he's in the ring enough where he doesn't need to be in the ring extra. | ||
| I think you're right. | ||
| I think there's that too. | ||
| There's a comfortable balance. | ||
| And it's probably one of the reasons why he likes to fight so much. | ||
| He's easily the most active fighter in the game. | ||
| He definitely tries to be. | ||
| But the problem also is right now, setting up the right fight for a guy like him is probably not that easy. | ||
| Because he's always ready. | ||
| Well, he's always ready. | ||
| But setting up a fight for him, it's a high-profile fight, but it's also a dangerous fight. | ||
| So you've got to say, okay, who do you set him up with? | ||
| Because after you see what he did to Rick's story, you go, holy shit. | ||
| Donald at 170 is like some new thing. | ||
| He's a new thing. | ||
| He's way healthier. | ||
| It kills me to think that guy was starving himself for all those years. | ||
| He's a big dude. | ||
| He's not small, but at 155, he just didn't have the durability. | ||
| And at 170, god damn, he's looking good. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| It's a crazy sport, isn't it? | ||
| You know, I love it. | ||
| I love being there with those things. | ||
| And, you know, when you get to know the fighters and stuff and you hear a little inside talk and it's always interesting, you know? | ||
| I know it is, man. | ||
| Because, you know, you realize when you meet them and you talk to them that they're just guys doing a job. | ||
| They're not looking at it as, I just want to be the toughest guy in the world. | ||
| They're like, I got to get more money out of this. | ||
| Well, there's definitely that aspect of it. | ||
| But there's also the guys that just want to go in there and be the toughest guy in the world as well. | ||
| Those are usually the new guys. | ||
| Sometimes, yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The older guys are like, look, I already know I'm tough, and everybody else knows I'm tough. | ||
| Now I've got to monetize this. | ||
| Yeah, there's so many factors at play, you know, when it comes to fighting. | ||
| There's genetics, which play a giant role. | ||
| There's certain guys that are just built better for it. | ||
| They've just got a lucky roll of the dice. | ||
| And they have better... | ||
| The design of their body's better. | ||
| Their shape is better. | ||
| It works better. | ||
| They can hit you harder. | ||
| Their jaw's bigger. | ||
| They can take more punishment. | ||
| They've got genetics on their side. | ||
| Yeah, there's always going to be guys like that. | ||
| So you're seeing guys like that now, but then you're seeing the mental aspect of it. | ||
| How many guys have mental coaches now and hypnotists and shit? | ||
| It's such a weird game now. | ||
| Dude, it's interesting. | ||
| Any fight sport now is very different than it was. | ||
| In the 80s, when I was training boxing, there was no nutrition. | ||
| There was no... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think I might have said it before. | ||
| My coach would get to the gym, my coach would be like, go run. | ||
| And I'm like, I just want to box. | ||
| He's like, no, you've got to go run. | ||
| And then I would be like, all right. | ||
| And I go, where do I run to? | ||
| And he goes, run up to Torbram and Seven and come back. | ||
| And I'm like, all right. | ||
| And right at that intersection was a McDonald's, just a little bit down. | ||
| So I would run to the McDonald's and get a milkshake, and then I would walk back. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Because I made sure I ran there as fast as I could. | ||
| To get a milkshake. | ||
| So I could walk back. | ||
| And then I would run maybe in the last half. | ||
| So I would be sweating and a little bit out of breath when I got there. | ||
| What do you think about this Amanda Nunes, Ronda Rousey fight? | ||
| Amanda's a... | ||
| Dude, she's a beast. | ||
| She's badass. | ||
| She's badass. | ||
| I mean, I would feel more comfortable if she was coming back against Misha or even a rematch against Holly, but Amanda scares me, dude. | ||
| Before Holly knocked out Ronda, I had said that I just thought Holly Holm needed more fights in the UFC, like more people to know who she is. | ||
| I go, and I think Amanda Nunes is the more dangerous fight. | ||
| Because Amanda Nunes is a black belt in jujitsu. | ||
| And she hits fucking hard, man. | ||
| She looks like she hits like a dude. | ||
| Yeah, she hits so much harder than most of the women in that division. | ||
| She's super aggressive. | ||
| She's got shorter arms and she looks like she can crank. | ||
| You know, this whole Cyborg thing. | ||
| Everybody wants Cyborg to fight in the UFC. They're trying to set up a fight with Ronda. | ||
| I would like Cyborg to fight Nunes. | ||
| Yeah, I was just thinking that. | ||
| If Nunez could pack on some weight. | ||
| So the thing about Cyborg is she struggles to get to 40. She's so drained when she gets to 40. Is there a weight class above that? | ||
| There should be. | ||
| There should be a 145. Yeah, or even a 150. They should just give her the title at 145. Who is denying that she's the toughest 145-pound woman on the planet? | ||
| Who's denying that? | ||
| There's no one. | ||
| I think there's a shit ton of fights waiting to happen at 145, 150 even. | ||
| When Victor has a whole 145-pound division, a bunch of them were messaging me. | ||
| They were tweeting at me after we were talking about bringing... | ||
| And Victor's still around? | ||
| Yeah, the UFC owns it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They do. | |
| Of course they do. | ||
| I think they own part of it or something, or it's on Fight Pass or something along those lines. | ||
| But, yeah, man, she's a destroyer, you know? | ||
| Cyborg is a destroyer. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| She's so terrifying. | ||
| Watch the way she attacks these chicks. | ||
| Like, that's the 145-pound world champion. | ||
| And she looks like Mickey Rourke, so... | ||
| I think she's a little prettier than Mickey Rourke, bro. | ||
| You're being rude. | ||
| I meant the lips. | ||
| I can't take this. | ||
| I can't take this. | ||
| I'm going to tweet to her after and apologize. | ||
| Apologize now. | ||
|
unidentified
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Because I don't want Cyborg kicking the shit out of me. | |
| But what's interesting is, I wonder if there's a 55. Is there a 55 pound division to be had? | ||
| I think maybe one... | ||
| I'd go up to 148, 150 at the most, I would say. | ||
| Hmm. | ||
| I wonder. | ||
| Because, you know, I think Cyborg's... | ||
| One of her coaches was saying that if you really gave her the right division, it would be 155. Like, that would be the division where she would feel the healthiest. | ||
| Because I think she walks around at like 170-something. | ||
| Probably. | ||
| But she's all muscled, you know? | ||
| It's not like she's... | ||
| She's not walking around like me. | ||
| She's walking around all muscled. | ||
| Yeah, she's yoked. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But Amanda Nunez is not that big. | ||
| She's not as big as her. | ||
| No. | ||
| So that would be... | ||
| You know, it wouldn't be the wisest fight. | ||
| Because Amanda Nunes is like a legitimate 135 pounder. | ||
| But she's a 135 pounder that hits like a dude. | ||
| And she's very solidly built. | ||
| She's very... | ||
| It's all very compact. | ||
| Did you see her fight with Kat Zingano? | ||
| I did not. | ||
| Did you see how fucking ferocious Kat Zingano is? | ||
| Because she had Kat Zingano hurt in the first round. | ||
| And she was getting beat up. | ||
| Like real bad. | ||
| The first round was real bad for Kat. | ||
| And she made it out of that round, and she stopped her in either the second or the third. | ||
| I can't really remember. | ||
| See if you can remember that. | ||
| Or, uh, you don't remember it. | ||
| I want to say she stopped her in the third. | ||
| But it was just this brutal fucking exchange, and she eventually beat Amanda Nunes. | ||
| Katzengana's also knocked out Misha Tate. | ||
| People forget about that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| Kat Singano's a beast. | ||
| What's that? | ||
| Third round TKO. So Kat stopped Amanda in third round. | ||
| Yeah, but the first round, dude, she had to survive. | ||
| She was getting beat the fuck up. | ||
| And that's all stand-up. | ||
| Well, I think she got cracked in the stand-up, and I think most of it was ground and pound on the ground, if I remember correctly. | ||
| Amanda, as far as her punches from the outside, she's got amazing snap. | ||
| She really knows how to be in the right position, and she drops full snapping punches on girls. | ||
| She really turns her knuckles over. | ||
| She knows her distance. | ||
| Oh, dude, she cracks people. | ||
| She cracks Sarah McMahon. | ||
| You see that fight? | ||
| I did not. | ||
| Dude. | ||
| You know, a lot of times I catch, I jump in somewhere right around three fights before the main event or two fights before the main event. | ||
| Yeah, you're one of those cool guys. | ||
| No, I watch the prelims and then I get fucked up when I have to change a channel because I'm like, where did it go? | ||
| How am I finding this, you know? | ||
| Yeah, when you're there live, though, do you go for the whole event? | ||
| I do. | ||
| I do get there very early. | ||
| Yeah, the live event is a different animal, right? | ||
| Everybody should see a UFC live once. | ||
| I always try and get your attention, but I'm on the wrong side of the octagon. | ||
| Just come over and grab me, man. | ||
| Oh, that'll stop me, sir. | ||
| You can't go this way. | ||
| And I'm like, alright. | ||
| Well, next time, come with me. | ||
| I'll hook it up. | ||
| I see the seats. | ||
| I see the seats you get. | ||
| And I'm like, where are you? | ||
| And they're like, oh, I'm with Joe. | ||
| And I'm like, fuck, that's a good seat. | ||
| You could do that. | ||
| We could do that. | ||
| We'll hook it up. | ||
| How about Toronto? | ||
| I'm in. | ||
| Are you going to be there for that one? | ||
| What is it, December 10th? | ||
| Something like that. | ||
| I'm doing a show with Big Jay Oakerson. | ||
| Oh, I love Jay. | ||
| At Massey Hall. | ||
| Can I host it? | ||
| Fuck yeah! | ||
| That's it. | ||
| Russell Peters, Big J, and me. | ||
| You heard it here, folks. | ||
| I'll host that. | ||
| It's like December 9th or whatever it is, the day before the UFC. Yeah. | ||
| Tickets are not on sale yet. | ||
| They'll be on sale like in a week. | ||
| December. | ||
| Yeah, that'll be fun, dude. | ||
| The three of us, that'll be a good old time. | ||
| Hell yeah. | ||
| That'll be real fun. | ||
| But what were we just talking about? | ||
| Oh, the Amanda Nunes-Ronda Rousey fight. | ||
| But if Ronda gets her to the ground, man, it could get super interesting. | ||
| I would just like to see one tune-up fight. | ||
| No, no tune-up fights. | ||
| This is not boxing. | ||
| The UFC doesn't give tune-up fights. | ||
| No, they don't. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck. | |
| It's just mountain after mountain. | ||
| You know what I will say, though, that the women have proven to have far more resilience than the men. | ||
| A lot of times they're just fucking their willingness to not tap and their willingness to to get in there and I prefer to not compare them Gender to gender because I'm not one of those people. | ||
| I just want to let you know that I just objectified them in my own I think I mean not no need no need need to even compare them to the men what I'll say is there's Amazing athletes and amazing champions in both the men and the women's division legitimately legitimately now Like, there's no denying that there's world-class talent. | ||
| But there's also no denying that the highest levels of male talent, there's a bigger pool. | ||
| But that's natural, because there's more men that are interested in competing in MMA than women. | ||
| Primarily a male-dominated sport. | ||
| Yeah, but the women's side is growing. | ||
| And you're getting a lot of, like, really high-level Muay Thai fighters, like Valentina Shevchenko, who's a multiple-time world champion, who comes over, and now she's fighting. | ||
| And she just beat Holly Holm. | ||
| She beat Holly Holm. | ||
| And she really, like, outclassed her with stand-up. | ||
| That was a big aspect of that fight. | ||
| I did see that, and that was a big shock for me. | ||
| I thought Holly would outbox her. | ||
| No, Valentina's nasty, dude. | ||
| She's got that beautiful check right hook, and she's real sneaky with her leg kicks. | ||
| She's got excellent timing. | ||
| She's a really dangerous fighter for anybody in that division, because if you can't take her to the ground, it's highly unlikely that you're going to stand with her and not get cracked. | ||
| You're going to start getting real apprehensive about your movements. | ||
| Because she throws that beautiful check right hook, or at least she did with Holly. | ||
| She counters well. | ||
| Dude, she's just a real high-level striker. | ||
| And if you can't get her to the ground, and even if you can get her to the ground, like she's been working on her ground game, and she's very strong. | ||
| So there's suit, like that fight right there. | ||
| Isn't she due for a title shot, though? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, she is. | ||
| I'm sure. | ||
| She's fighting Misha. | ||
| No, who the fuck is she fighting? | ||
| She is fighting Misha, I think. | ||
| Misha's fighting somebody in Madison... | ||
| No, Misha's fighting Rachelle Pennington. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Yeah, Raquel Pennington and Misha are fighting... | ||
| In New York? | ||
| In New York City, yeah. | ||
| Raquel Pennington's another one. | ||
| She doesn't get enough respect. | ||
| She's dangerous. | ||
| Super aggressive, really good timing. | ||
| Really good timing with her hands in particular. | ||
| Are you doing those ones? | ||
| Yeah, the Madison Square Garden one, for sure. | ||
| MSG, New York, and New Year's Eve. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, for me, like, a fight like the Misha Tate-Holly Holm fight, that's about as exciting a fight as you're ever going to see. | ||
| It's about as exciting a fight as you will ever see. | ||
| And the fact that there was a round in there where not much was happening, a round or so, where not much was happening, where Holly was trying to avoid Misha and was just striking on the outside, that made the ending even more spectacular. | ||
| Like, the lull in that actually made the fight better in the end. | ||
| Because it looked like Holly was going to cruise to a victory. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| And out of nowhere. | ||
| And then Misha dug deep. | ||
| It's one of my all-time favorite moments. | ||
| And then fucking Holly did not fuck you. | ||
| She's like, fuck you, I'm not tapping. | ||
| She went to sleep throwing punches. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| And it looked like one of those puppets. | ||
| Gangster. | ||
| So gangster. | ||
| The whole fight, so gangster. | ||
| And that was in the same card where Nate Diaz beat Connor. | ||
| I mean, that was one of the main reasons why I decided to stay doing commentary, that card. | ||
| Because I was on the fence. | ||
| I was like, maybe I should just stop doing it and then just devote more time to doing other stuff. | ||
| Were you offered the Bisping Hendo fight? | ||
| No, I told them I'm not doing the ones that are overseas. | ||
| That's such a good fight. | ||
| It was amazing. | ||
| I enjoyed it. | ||
| I watched it at home. | ||
| I watched it here. | ||
| We watched it here. | ||
| We did a fight companion. | ||
| Did part of you wish you could have been there to commentate that one? | ||
| Nah. | ||
| I mean, the fight companions are great, but I'm saying... | ||
| No, no. | ||
| I just think you would have added... | ||
| I think Brian Stan's awesome. | ||
| I think Brian Stan's great. | ||
| He takes a lot of shit from people that just don't like things that are different, or they just pick a side or something like that, but I love his commentary. | ||
| I like Brian, I like Kenny, I like everybody doing it, but, you know, you're that thing. | ||
| Yeah, but they could be that thing, too. | ||
| You know who's really good is Dominic Cruz. | ||
| Dominic Cruz is very good. | ||
| Very good, especially from the technical aspect. | ||
| And so is Daniel Cormier. | ||
| Yeah, I do like both of them when they do it for fun. | ||
| Well, Cormier's also spent so much time doing the behind-the-desk stuff now that he's gotten real comfortable with expressing himself in poetic and interesting ways. | ||
| You know, when he's describing fights and fights, he gets hyped up about it. | ||
| He's got great emotion to it. | ||
| It's entertaining as well as informative. | ||
| Yeah, he's fighting Rumble. | ||
| Rematch. | ||
| That's an exciting fight. | ||
| The Rumble man's coming. | ||
| He's so scary. | ||
| He is a very scary fucking guy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's so scary. | |
| I've seen him at the fights just in the audience and I smiled because I acknowledged like, hey man. | ||
| And he did not fucking smile back. | ||
| He's a bad motherfucker, that Rumble. | ||
| But it wasn't like I hate you. | ||
| It was just like, fuck you smiling at him. | ||
| No, he's a good guy, man. | ||
| Rumble's a good guy. | ||
| He's a very good guy. | ||
| I don't know him like that, but I gave him a smile and a nod and I got a It's almost like he's got different Kind of bones like everybody else has bones. | ||
| He reminds me of Bruce Seldon the way he looks No, man look like his face. | ||
| I know I don't know why I just look at him I always picture Bruce Seldon. | ||
| That's weird. | ||
| Maybe you're a racist kind of a bum. | ||
| No, absolutely. | ||
| You know, I'm a racist Of course I am. | ||
| I hate everybody I hate everybody. - Okay. | ||
| No, Rumble is a unique specimen. | ||
| It's just so hard to believe that he was a 170-pounder for so long and was killing himself to make that 170. Goes up to 205 and is one of the scariest guys ever. | ||
| He's one of the scariest guys of all time. | ||
| I don't even know how he made 170. How the fuck did he make 170? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| That's a young man's thing. | ||
| There's Anthony. | ||
| Yeah, he doesn't look anything like Bruce Seldon, though. | ||
| Get a shot of Bruce Seldon, let's see. | ||
| Maybe not that picture. | ||
| Not at all. | ||
| You're a racist. | ||
| I'm not kidding. | ||
| There's a picture of Bruce Seldon where he looks really dark, and that's not it. | ||
| Look at that picture up there on the right. | ||
| See the one where he's wearing the red and white trunks? | ||
| Yeah, see? | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| No, you're racist. | ||
| That's me, guys. | ||
| But we've got to remember, Rumble survived that storm the first time. | ||
| You know, the first fight that Rumble and DC had. | ||
| Cormier survived. | ||
| Cormier survived that storm and then put his own storm on Rumble, you know? | ||
| Cormier is such a world-class wrestler. | ||
| His sparring partner is fucking Cain Velasquez. | ||
| And the other one is Luke Rockhold. | ||
| So on a daily, he's sparring with those fucking guys. | ||
| And they go hard in AK. Yeah. | ||
| And he's arguably one of the best wrestlers to ever compete in MMA. There's like a handful of guys you look at as being in contention for being the best wrestler to ever compete in MMA. Henry Cejudo, of course, Olympic gold medalist. | ||
| There's a few guys, but Cormier's in that mix. | ||
| He's in the mix. | ||
| I mean, they all give each other something else. | ||
| And I think that fucking AKA camp, where it's him and Kane, and they're just smashing heads together all the time. | ||
| You know, it's funny, when I'm up in Northern Cali, I'll call whoever, and I'm like, hey, I'm out here, and they're like, do you want to come train? | ||
| And I'm like, no, no. | ||
| They're like, do you want to come train at AK? No, thanks. | ||
| I'll call Gil, and he's like, do you want to come by Scrap Pack and train? | ||
| I'm like, no, I'm good, buddy. | ||
| Fuck all that. | ||
| I'm like, yeah, my level is not anywhere near anybody's level. | ||
| Yeah, I'm just trying to get someone to hold pads. | ||
| Yeah, I'm a 46-year-old man. | ||
| I'm a chubby fucking Indian guy. | ||
| I'm not trying to... | ||
| It's fun to be around those places, though. | ||
| Yeah, that's what does you in. | ||
| You go in, you see everybody, you go, yeah, I'm not built for this. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm a hobbyist. | ||
| These guys are lifers. | ||
| You have to have the most insane dedication, I think, for any athletic endeavor. | ||
| I think below 40, and I would have gone and trained with them, but I didn't know them then, so... | ||
| Well, it's just a weird thing to dabble in. | ||
| Like, dabbling in MMA, you really can't do it. | ||
| You have to be... | ||
| Unless you're some freak athlete. | ||
| There's always exceptions. | ||
| There's always people that just have ridiculous... | ||
| Like, apparently, that's what John Jones was for the longest time before he moved to Albuquerque. | ||
| He would take time off and go back to New York and, you know, train some out there, but not train with anybody like the people he's training with, you know, before his fights. | ||
| Everybody's out there in Albuquerque now training out there. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, he moved there. | ||
| And then once he moved there, I mean, I think everything went up to the next level. | ||
| But he was a guy that could take all that time off, come back and still fuck everybody up. | ||
| Just a freak athlete. | ||
| Is he coming back? | ||
| Talented as well. | ||
| Did they lift his ban? | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| I don't think they sentenced him. | ||
| I don't know if he got sentenced. | ||
| They sentenced Connor $150,000 for a fucking water bottle. | ||
| Yeah, that seemed a little excessive. | ||
| Yeah, a tiny bit, huh? | ||
| Why'd they do that? | ||
| It's not like he's a habitual bottle thrower that, you know, like, we are finally punishing you for this. | ||
| Yeah, I'm sick of all that bottle throwing, bro. | ||
| It is a stupid thing to do, though. | ||
| I mean, come on, do you really think he was gonna hit him? | ||
| You know? | ||
| It's too far away, it wasn't... | ||
| I thought it was just hype for the fight, you know? | ||
| Yeah, it is just hype for the fight. | ||
| It's not like he threw a glass bottle, he threw a fucking water bottle. | ||
| He refuses to fight in Las Vegas after a $150,000 fine. | ||
| That's fair enough. | ||
| Well, it's a good thing to get the Vegas people to recognize there's consequences to this, but the UFC is so big right now, they sell out no matter who's fighting. | ||
| Yeah, these 50 hours of community service. | ||
| Wow, 50 hours is a real week. | ||
| It's a week worth of work. | ||
| What the fuck's he got to do? | ||
| Yeah, I don't know. | ||
| That's fucking ridiculous. | ||
| Well, you know, they're flexing. | ||
| People, they like flexing. | ||
| They really shouldn't have thrown water bottles at each other or monster energy drinks or whatever they did. | ||
| That shit's stupid. | ||
| You're going to fight eventually and throw things at each other. | ||
| You know, you get a little amped up. | ||
| They're young kids, you know? | ||
| But ultimately, I think the $150,000 fine is worth it for them. | ||
| The amount of money that they all made, that everybody made. | ||
| So the government, the athletic commission gets to step in, slap them a little bit, take a little cash, make a stink out of it. | ||
| They get to protest it. | ||
| But the fact is that that press conference where he threw that water bottle at Nate Diaz is probably worth $400,000. | ||
| As far as profit. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know, how many more people got hyped up for it? | ||
| People love a fight at a press conference. | ||
| They love when someone throws... | ||
| Don't do it, folks. | ||
| If you're listening, Jon Jones and Daniel Cormier, that was one of the reasons why that fight became such a big deal. | ||
| Because at the face-off... | ||
| But did they have to pay any fines after that? | ||
| Fuck yeah, they did. | ||
| Yeah, they did. | ||
| I don't know how much they paid. | ||
| Well, maybe that's what the problem is. | ||
| Maybe they want to discourage anybody from doing this further. | ||
| Maybe they want to say, look... | ||
| It's as old as any fight game is. | ||
| And it's also real. | ||
| Right. | ||
| The John Jones one in particular was fucking real. | ||
| When Daniel put his hand on John's neck and pushed him back, John was like, fuck that. | ||
| That's just not happening. | ||
| He didn't give a shit if there was a million people around. | ||
| He was only fined $50,000. | ||
| So John was fined $50,000 and was ordered to complete 40 hours of community service, and Cormier was fined $9,000 in order to complete 20 hours of community service. | ||
| So they made a distinction that Cormier was less guilty than John. | ||
|
unidentified
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But Cormier touched him first. | |
| Did he? | ||
| Yeah, he grabbed his neck and pushed him back because John got face to face with him and touched faces with him. | ||
| The fines constituted 10% of each fighter's respective purse for the January 3rd fight. | ||
| Wow, does that even make sense? | ||
| That's how little they made? | ||
| Does that really make sense? | ||
| 90 grand, really? | ||
| For the title fight? | ||
| That sounds crazy. | ||
| I don't know what their deal is because they get paid and then they have like they have like a reported pay and then they have a different pay like percentage of pay-per-view and a bunch of different stuff. | ||
| But they always show it in the papers. | ||
| They don't show locker room bonuses. | ||
| I don't know what that means. | ||
| They do show that. | ||
| Don't get mad at me. | ||
| They show it where? | ||
| Every time I go to Yahoo News it tells you the whole purse breakdowns for everybody. | ||
| And then the bonus for the nightly bonus and the percentage bonus. | ||
| No, they do performance of the night bonuses that make that public, but they also do some weird locker room bonus thing. | ||
| Oh, I don't know about that. | ||
| I don't know what the fuck that's all about. | ||
| What did they just find? | ||
| It's a private company is the point. | ||
| Didn't they just find Roy as well? | ||
| Yeah, they're gonna find him. | ||
| What did they say? | ||
| What did you just put up? | ||
| As Jones' attorney was arguing that they shouldn't be paying off a percentage of their purses, and Cormier is scheduled to make a base pay of 90 for the fight and also a possible 90,000 win bonus. | ||
| Hmm. | ||
| It just seems like a really low amount. | ||
| It feels like that's not right. | ||
| It's 10%. | ||
| I know it is so low to be fighting for the world title. | ||
| It seems wrong. | ||
| I mean, it seems incorrect. | ||
| It seems wrong, too, right? | ||
| It's always seemed wrong to me. | ||
| At the highest levels, those guys are making some serious cash now. | ||
| What's interesting is how many people are going to reach that level. | ||
| And what you're seeing is a lot of people that are trying to sort of generate public interest the same way Conor's done. | ||
| So there's like guys who really never really trash talked before who are really into trash talking now. | ||
| Yeah, they're not good at it either. | ||
| It's awkward and it's uncomfortable. | ||
| And here's the thing is, if you're a Conor McGregor and it comes natural and that's what you do, that's one thing. | ||
| But if you're like you've got a strategy and your strategy is to be the controversial guy and you're going to get everybody to pay attention to you like that's a lot of work man. | ||
| I mean Nate is what Nate is. | ||
| Yeah exactly. | ||
| So on one hand it's also not what martial arts are at their best. | ||
| Like, at the very best, they're two guys who want to compete and test themselves against each other at the very highest level, right? | ||
| And when we think of a martial artist, we don't think of some dude who's insulting someone and spitting at them and throwing water bottles. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, they're trying to take the thug aspect out of it, which is fair. | ||
| Because, you know, when you think back to it, it was always Bruce Lee, everybody respecting and bowing. | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| Now it's just a lot of meatheads who know how to fight. | ||
| There's definitely that too, but to achieve the level of a world-class level, you have to have so much control over who you are. | ||
| You have to be able to figure out where all your personality pitfalls are and soothe out all the bullshit in your life and concentrate on the work. | ||
| It's such a weird sport, man. | ||
| There's no sport that carries the consequences of loss like MMA does. | ||
| Boxing as well, I would say. | ||
| Boxing's pretty close. | ||
| But MMA, like... | ||
| I think in MMA you can have a loss and still come back and it doesn't affect you that much. | ||
| You think it does in boxing? | ||
| In boxing, because, you know, it's so fucking shady in boxing. | ||
| Oh, he lost. | ||
| No good. | ||
| We need somebody else. | ||
| An undefeated record in boxing means a lot more than it does in MMA. Well, there's only been a few, right? | ||
| Right. | ||
| That's what everybody strives for. | ||
| They strive for that Gernati Golovkin, you know, perfect, undefeated record as they go into the big fight, you know? | ||
| But that didn't harm Canelo. | ||
| I think Canelo's stock rose in the Floyd Mayweather fight. | ||
| Yeah, because he was so young. | ||
| And I was at that fight, as a matter of fact, and I think that Floyd could have stopped Canelo in that fight if he really wanted to. | ||
| You think so? | ||
| Yeah, he was just hitting him at will. | ||
| And you could see Canelo going back. | ||
| I mean, all he had to do was just put a little bit more pressure on him. | ||
| But I think Floyd, being somewhat compassionate, was like, if I stop this kid, it might ruin his career. | ||
| Wow, you really think that? | ||
| I think that. | ||
| Wow, that's an interesting way of looking at it. | ||
| I didn't think so. | ||
| I thought he's not taking any chances. | ||
| He's boxing smart. | ||
| And Canelo can still pop. | ||
| And he carries that pop late into the fight. | ||
| And he's dangerous. | ||
| So if Floyd opened up... | ||
| To try to really hurt him and stop him, he ran the risk of being countered. | ||
| Canelo's a master. | ||
| Canelo's not as fast as Floyd, but his timing's really good. | ||
| It is, but at that time he was still very green. | ||
| And Floyd really was in the zone in that fight. | ||
| He was just hitting him, pop, pop, pop, pop. | ||
| And then he would crank a right hand on him. | ||
| You see Canelo go back a little bit. | ||
| I think Canelo's chin's a little overrated. | ||
| Really? | ||
| We saw that when... | ||
| Who the fuck knocked him down in the first or second round in that one fight? | ||
| Yeah, somebody knocked him down fairly recently, right? | ||
| No, maybe about... | ||
| Four or five fights ago? | ||
| Maybe about three, four years ago. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| It was a younger Canelo then, but... | ||
| Do you know what I'm talking about? | ||
| No, I definitely don't think he has a bad chin, but anybody can get knocked down, especially early in your career. | ||
| Especially aggressive guys. | ||
| I've also heard that Canelo sparred with Golovkin before. | ||
| Oh, yeah? | ||
| Golovkin beat the piss out of him in sparring, and that's why he's... | ||
| Saying, no thanks. | ||
| Not interested in that fight. | ||
| I think he's just trying to sharpen up his skill set before he gets back in there with him. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| I don't know how much... | ||
| I mean, Triple G knocked down Kovalev in sparring. | ||
| Did he? | ||
| I had heard that. | ||
| Yeah, even Kovalev said it. | ||
| He goes, you know, he hits really hard because I wasn't prepared that day. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| He said they're also very good friends as well. | ||
| Golovkin's a scary guy because he looks like some cute little boy band. | ||
| Yeah, he does not look like he can. | ||
| He doesn't even look like he throws with power. | ||
| He looks like he's from a Russian boy band. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Right, he's so cute. | ||
| He's just so goofy, you know? | ||
| Yeah, he's adorable. | ||
| And if you look at his body, it's not the scariest body. | ||
| It's just, he's not chiseled, it's just, he's a thin guy. | ||
| Yeah, like, you see Rumble knocking people out, you look at his body, you go, well, that makes sense. | ||
| You know? | ||
| You see Golovkin knocking people out, and you go, wow, where's all that coming from? | ||
| I don't, he doesn't have huge legs, he doesn't have particularly big traps, he's... | ||
| He's got flawless, yeah, look at him there. | ||
| He's got flawless technique, though. | ||
| Flawless. | ||
| He had over 300 amateur fights. | ||
| Yeah, he's so aggressive, too. | ||
| He's so fucking... | ||
| He's so aggressive, and he keeps a pace on guys. | ||
| That's very difficult to handle. | ||
| And he also... | ||
| You know, people go, oh, he's beatable. | ||
| I'm like, I just think he does things for the fight game. | ||
| Like, I know I can knock you out. | ||
| I'm just going to let you... | ||
| I'm going to extend this a little bit, just to give people a... | ||
| Yeah, that's all what says it, too. | ||
| But you see him do it. | ||
| You can see, like, he basically just, you know... | ||
| I'm going to make it look like I'm going to get comfortable with you. | ||
| But you know at any point, he's like, alright, goodnight, goodnight. | ||
| And he could do it at any point. | ||
| Well, he definitely, if he wants to risk getting hit, but he bleeds guys. | ||
| He saps them. | ||
| He's a left hooker to the body. | ||
| He stays on guys with combinations, and he's always pressing forward. | ||
| You never rest with that guy. | ||
| Yeah, he doesn't move back very often. | ||
| Yeah, it's a really interesting style. | ||
| Because another guy who's got a crazy style like that is Vasily Lomachenko. | ||
| Oh, Lomachenko's probably one of the best fighters in the game right now. | ||
| It's insane! | ||
| He's fighting Nicky Walters. | ||
| Is that his name? | ||
| I don't know who he's fighting. | ||
| Nicholas Walters, the Jamaican kid. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's going to be a good fight. | ||
| Well, he's another guy that, like, if you wanted to see beautiful technical movement and defensive movement in boxing... | ||
| When I was training with Arizo, we would go to train at Robert Garcia's gym. | ||
| Oh, yeah? | ||
| And Lomachenko would be there every now and then. | ||
| There he is. | ||
| Like, look at this. | ||
| He's a little guy, too. | ||
| He's just standing right in front of people, beating them up, and slipping everything they throw at him. | ||
| God, he's so good. | ||
| Slick and accurate. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Moves just enough. | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| Look at this, like knowing exactly what's coming and when. | ||
| Damn. | ||
| He's a really interesting fighter as well because he's so hard to hit, but he's also so aggressive. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| Like that's not... | ||
| Hands down. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Hands down. | ||
| But he's lost in boxing and pro boxing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He lost to that Mexican dude. | ||
| Fuck's his name. | ||
| Who do you lose to? | ||
| Old warrior. | ||
| Veteran. | ||
| Solis? | ||
| Omar Solis? | ||
| Orlando Solito. | ||
| Orlando Solito? | ||
| That's right. | ||
| Solito's a warrior, too. | ||
| Yeah, a guy who's been around forever. | ||
| Yeah, there it is. | ||
| That's who he's fighting next? | ||
| Yeah, Nicholas Walters. | ||
| Well, he's definitely putting some attention on these lighter divisions. | ||
| But it was a split decision, so I mean, you know, whenever it's a split decision, you could be like, could have gone either way. | ||
| Yeah, it was apparently a crazy war, and he wants to fight him again. | ||
| Do you think Hendo Bisping should have been a draw or a split decision? | ||
| I think the scoring system sucks. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Some people said that that first round wasn't a 10-8 round. | ||
| That was more than a 10-8. | ||
| That might have been a fucking 10-7 round. | ||
| It's definitely a 10-8 for sure. | ||
| Because he knocked him down. | ||
| He had him rocked. | ||
| He was standing on top of it. | ||
| And Bisping survived for sure. | ||
| I mean, Bisping showed true grit. | ||
| He got through that. | ||
| He pressed on. | ||
| But... | ||
| He was in a world of shit, and I think he would admit it. | ||
| His face shows it. | ||
| I mean, he's all beat up. | ||
| So that's a significant round. | ||
| And then there was another round where Hendo knocked him down again, right? | ||
| Yep. | ||
| So that was the second or third? | ||
| It's hard to tell, man. | ||
| But the other thing that balanced that out was that Bisping was way more active. | ||
| And you gotta take that into account. | ||
| It's not like Bisping was landing all those shots and attacking because Hendo let him. | ||
| No, it's because he was imposing his game on Henderson. | ||
| The question is like, is Henderson's game more impactful? | ||
| Well, maybe, but there's less impacts. | ||
| Okay, well, how about damage? | ||
| Well, damage-wise, Hendo was way ahead. | ||
| This guy gave Bisping the first round? | ||
| Who did? | ||
| The first judge, White. | ||
| No fucking way. | ||
| Yeah, look. | ||
| The first round is the top row. | ||
| This is the second round right here. | ||
| Oh, okay, okay. | ||
| Look, even that guy gave the first round. | ||
| These two gave it to him. | ||
| The only round they gave Henderson was the second round, these two judges. | ||
| I'm sorry, the first two rounds. | ||
| He made the first round a 10-9, 10-9, 10-9. | ||
| They all made it a 10-9. | ||
| They all made it a 10-9. | ||
| See, that's not smart. | ||
| That's not smart. | ||
| That's not right. | ||
| The minute there's a knockdown like that, it's got to be a 10-8 round. | ||
| It's not just a knockdown. | ||
| A knockdown in boxing makes a 10-10 round, a 10-9 round, or a 10-8 round. | ||
| If they're evened up, it'll make it a 9-9 round. | ||
| But for the most part, it's a 10-8 round, right? | ||
| When a guy knocks a guy down. | ||
| You knock a guy down. | ||
| First you won the round, then you got the knockdown. | ||
| But it's a fact. | ||
| There's no facts in MMA when it comes to that. | ||
| There's no, like, one thing that happens where you definitely take a point off. | ||
| We know that with boxing, right? | ||
| Well, with MMA, that wasn't just a knockdown. | ||
| There was a knockdown and then followed by some fucking ferocious, hair-raising ground and pound. | ||
| He got elbowed. | ||
| He got punched. | ||
| He got beat up. | ||
| He got out of there. | ||
| His face is bleeding. | ||
| His eyes closed. | ||
| You can't say that wasn't close to being stopped. | ||
| Yeah, you've got to be on the brink of being stopped. | ||
| So that round I disagree with across the board. | ||
| And then it's trying to figure out who won the other rounds. | ||
| There was the other one where Hendo heard him. | ||
| What round was that? | ||
| Was it the second round that he heard him again? | ||
| It must be. | ||
| I think so, right? | ||
| Yeah, the second round he heard him again. | ||
| And then you have to argue about the fourth and the fifth rounds. | ||
| You have to figure out who won those. | ||
| It was a close fight, but I could see the way many people thought that Bisping landed more, and even though they weren't as impactful, you have to add that up against the lower volume but more power by Henderson. | ||
| It's about effectiveness, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, Henderson at the end of the fight looked like he just got done sparring. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And Bisping looked like he just got done with a fight with Henderson. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You know? | ||
| That's really what it looked like. | ||
| He went through five rounds with one of the toughest fucking guys ever. | ||
| The question is, who won it? | ||
| I think the system's flawed. | ||
| I could see under the system that we have today that Bisping won that fight. | ||
| I could see it by volume. | ||
| I could see it as a draw. | ||
| I could see it as a fair draw. | ||
| I could see that too. | ||
| And that would have been a very fair outcome. | ||
| I could see that too. | ||
| Because I don't think Bisping did enough to beat Dan, and I don't think Dan did enough to beat Bisping. | ||
| That's a good argument. | ||
| It's a real good argument. | ||
| And I think if there's ever a fight where you could say a draw might be justified, that's one. | ||
| If you look online, like people who think Bisping won versus people who think Henderson won, it's pretty much split down the middle, except English people. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| Even American people. | ||
| There's a lot of American people that think Bisping won. | ||
| So it's... | ||
| It's a flawed system. | ||
| The system of judging is not good. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's got a six-month... | |
| What's it called? | ||
| Medical suspension? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| That ain't good for you. | ||
| That's a long one. | ||
| Yeah, well, they looked at that fighting and went, settle down. | ||
| Everybody relax for a little while. | ||
| You just went to war with a fucking meat machine. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like a cleaver. | ||
| Who was it? | ||
| Kung was telling me that Henderson and we're hanging out and Henderson just punched him like as a joke because he hits so fucking hard. | ||
| Yeah, I'm sure. | ||
| He said it was like, wow, what the fuck, dude? | ||
| I don't think it makes sense. | ||
| He's just got one of those weird frames. | ||
| There's some people that just have power that just doesn't make any sense. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's like regular power, and then, you know, there's that Henderson thing, that Rumble thing. | ||
| Yeah, I need to step in and crank the right way in order to get power. | ||
| I don't have that just, I'm gonna hit you and you're gonna feel power. | ||
| Do you know who's got it? | ||
| It's scary, that John Lineker kid, that little guy who used to fight at 125, and now he fought at 135 in his last fight but missed weight and beat John Dodson in a really close decision. | ||
| But he's got that weird spooky power, even for a little guy. | ||
| For a 135, it's kind of rare. | ||
| There's little guys that have some heavy hands. | ||
| He's got the heaviest. | ||
| He's the heaviest I've ever seen in this division. | ||
| He's a clobberer. | ||
| He just gets guys up against the cage and just clobbers him. | ||
| And it's one of those things where when they feel the power the first time, you can see it in their eyes. | ||
| They're like, holy shit. | ||
| It's like when Golovkin hits somebody. | ||
| You see it in their face immediately. | ||
| I've never seen people wince until they got hit by him. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's something special, for sure. | ||
| People, every time they get hit, you look at their face. | ||
| Oh, what the fuck? | ||
| Do you know his boxing fights don't have much pay-per-view buys, though? | ||
| Yeah, because he's not... | ||
| That's crazy to me, though. | ||
| He's so exciting. | ||
| He's exciting, but he's with Tom Loeffler. | ||
| Who's Tom Loeffler? | ||
| That's his promoter. | ||
| Does his promoter fuck up? | ||
| No, it's just that Tom Loeffler does not have the connections, I think, that Bob Arum or... | ||
| Floyd Mayweather. | ||
| Yeah, what's his name there? | ||
| Al Heyman has. | ||
| Well, Golden Boy, right? | ||
| Golden Boy and Oscar De La Hoya and... | ||
| But Al Heyman's the guy really who's got all the connects. | ||
| And I like how they take in fighters there too. | ||
| Like Bernard Hopkins is one of the partners over there. | ||
| And they seem to do a good job. | ||
| What's a crazy thing to go from being a fighter to being a promoter? | ||
| Yeah, and then realizing you're making way more money as a promoter. | ||
| Oh, yeah, for sure. | ||
| And you're not in the line of fire at all. | ||
| You're like, this is bullshit. | ||
| I think Hopkins is going to take one more fight, though. | ||
| Yeah, I think so. | ||
| Just to get it out of the system. | ||
| Bernard is at least 50, right? | ||
| He's 51 this year now, or next year. | ||
| That's incredible. | ||
| Never been out of shape, though. | ||
| I know. | ||
| I mean, he's a super, super disciplined guy. | ||
| It's just amazing that he's willing to do one more fight at this age. | ||
| And then, of course, being a successful promoter now. | ||
| You know, you don't leave fighting, fighting, you know. | ||
| Hopkins vows. | ||
| That'll be 52nd. | ||
| I'll fight before my 52nd birthday. | ||
| It's in January, so he's gonna... | ||
| How is he gonna do that? | ||
| Who is he gonna fight? | ||
| December, somewhere in L.A. Probably at the Forum. | ||
| In December in L.A.? Dude, we should go. | ||
| I'm in. | ||
| It'll be the last time Bernard Hopkins ever fights. | ||
| We should go. | ||
| HBO telecast. | ||
| Dude, we gotta go. | ||
| Salido-verse. | ||
| I want to be there for that live. | ||
| Oh, I was at that Salido, Takashi Mori... | ||
| Fight. | ||
| So that's going to be... | ||
| what date is it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
December... | |
| I don't know. | ||
| It doesn't say. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It could take place at this one. | ||
| It says it doesn't have a date on it. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| No, they're having a rematch again. | ||
| Who? | ||
| Salido Takashimura. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Wait. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I was just at this fight. | |
| Orlando Salido, who's the first guy to beat Lomachenko? | ||
| Yeah, this week, so. | ||
| October 12th. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| Well, you know, I always look back to when Bernard Hopkins fought Tito Trinidad. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Remember when he threw the flag down in Puerto Rico and they chased him out of the stadium? | ||
| Oh, they went crazy. | ||
| They wanted to kill him. | ||
| And I was like, oh, I think... | ||
| I remember that time I was like, Trinidad's gonna knock him out. | ||
| I was like, oh, he stopped Trinidad! | ||
| He beat the shit out of Trinidad. | ||
| He didn't just beat the shit out of him. | ||
| He boxed his face off before he beat the shit out of him. | ||
| Wasn't it Hopkins? | ||
| I think it was Hopkins that... | ||
| I'm almost sure it was Hopkins. | ||
| He had a fight. | ||
| This was in the... | ||
| Probably the late 90s. | ||
| The guy somehow got under him and body slammed him. | ||
| And he dislocated his shoulder. | ||
| And they were like, we could stop the fight and you could win by no decision. | ||
| He goes, nope. | ||
| He dislocated his right hand, his right shoulder. | ||
| Hopkins? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, didn't he? | ||
| No, I don't remember that. | ||
| I remember one time he got thrown out, he dislocated his shoulder, and they stopped the fight. | ||
| No. | ||
| And they stopped the fight because of him getting thrown out of the ring. | ||
| Maybe he got thrown out of the ring more than once. | ||
| Yeah, I think this was against Antoine Echols, if I'm not mistaken. | ||
| Hmm. | ||
| Well, I knew he got thrown out of the ring against one guy, and he hurt himself. | ||
| I remember he got his shoulder dislocated, and then he still went next round, and he stopped him with his left hand. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Man, I don't remember that at all. | ||
| It might not have been Hopkins, but I remember this one. | ||
| Was it Chad Dawson? | ||
| Did Chad Dawson do that? | ||
| Against... | ||
| No, no, it was definitely not Chad. | ||
| Chad Dawson's another guy. | ||
| Well, whoever it was. | ||
| I remember Antoine Echols being in the mix, and they were spelled A-N-T-W. Hopkins shoulder hurt after Dawson throws him down, fight ends in the second. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
| Yeah, it was Chad Dawson. | ||
| but i feel like no see it said it was chad dawson but it was it he'd also had this happen before before this fight because chad dawson was that was fairly recently it was like in the later the late 90s yeah exactly right when hopkins was not uh dislocated yeah it was just if you just google hopkins record yeah This is not an exciting podcast to listen to. | ||
| I apologize, guys. | ||
| While we're Googling Bernard Hopkins' record so we can remember a name. | ||
| By the time I shit the bed on the Joe Rogan experience? | ||
| I don't think it was a loss. | ||
| I think it was a victory. | ||
| Did he fight Antoine Echols? | ||
| See if you find... | ||
| Right there. | ||
| Right down there. | ||
| Antoine Echols. | ||
| TKO 11. Maybe that was the second fight? | ||
| Because whoever threw him down... | ||
| He fought him twice. | ||
| Yeah, whoever threw him down, he came back and beat their ass. | ||
| Do you see it? | ||
| What's that? | ||
| I'm gonna look it up a different way. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Jamie's gonna look it up a different way. | ||
| I remember seeing it on ESPN. Canelo and Gennady Golovkin, though, would break the bank. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Maybe Golovkin needs to get, like, one more big-ass fight. | ||
| He's supposed to be fighting Danny Jacobs. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| In December. | ||
| There was a purse bid just now. | ||
| Oh, yeah? | ||
| Purse bid. | ||
| I like it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look at you. | |
| You're deep in the boxing and the DJ world. | ||
| You know how I get down, Joe. | ||
| You do get down. | ||
| I do get down, buddy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What other good fights are happening right now in boxing? | ||
| Oh, Andre Ward. | ||
| Andre Ward Kovalev. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I'm in fucking Toronto that night. | ||
| God damn it. | ||
| You want to be there live? | ||
| I did not think that one through. | ||
| Is that one in Vegas? | ||
| Yeah, T-Mobile, I believe. | ||
| Ooh, that's a good fight. | ||
| I'm going with Kovalev on that. | ||
| It's a good fight. | ||
| It's a very good fight. | ||
| I don't think Andre has the power to hurt Kovalev. | ||
| Do you think it's because he's going up to 75? | ||
| Because he's at 175, and to me, he has not looked that impressive at 175. We only had one fight at 175, right? | ||
| Two. | ||
| Two? | ||
| Yeah, two? | ||
| Oh, I thought he just had one. | ||
| And, uh, he doesn't hit very hard. | ||
| Who did he fight at 175 before that? | ||
| He fought a Dominican guy. | ||
| I was at that fight, and that was in, uh, like in Ontario, California. | ||
| And, uh, Maybe that was at 168, but whatever it was. | ||
| He's fought twice now. | ||
| Yeah, it's hard when a guy has to figure out what to do to make the big bucks. | ||
| You've got to take a chance, and Andre's dominating at 68. He's just such a good boxer, man. | ||
| Such a smart dude. | ||
| You know he fought a big portion of his career with a fucked up shoulder? | ||
| I did not know that. | ||
| Yeah, he had to get shoulder surgery. | ||
| I thought he had a fucked up eye or something. | ||
| I don't know about that. | ||
| It might have been the shoulder I was getting mixed up with his eye. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| But he finally had shoulder surgery like two years ago. | ||
| He had to take almost like a full year off. | ||
| Yeah, he took a lot of time off. | ||
| Shoulder surgery is like that. | ||
| He's had a lot of years off. | ||
| He keeps getting too much time off as far as I'm concerned. | ||
| Look at you. | ||
| You're like a mean boss. | ||
| I am. | ||
| As far as I'm concerned. | ||
| As far as I'm concerned, kid. | ||
| If you're at the prime of your career, you need to be in the prime of your career. | ||
| Yeah, but if you've got a jack shoulder, it's not a goddamn thing you can do about it. | ||
| True. | ||
| A little rotator cuff never hurt nobody. | ||
| I mean, it hurt a lot of people. | ||
| Boxers, it's really common they get shoulder injuries. | ||
| Probably from overextending? | ||
| From a lot of things. | ||
| Just sparring. | ||
| You know, I know guys that have had their biceps torn off because they were sparring and they threw a punch and someone blocked the punch, like an arm got in the way, and just the full extension being caught like halfway and then pop! | ||
| They get a torn bicep tendon. | ||
| And that's why I don't have biceps, guys. | ||
| Well, if you do a lot of curls, you really should be careful because you can break that thing and when it breaks, it pulls up and knots. | ||
| You've never seen Matt Serra's arm? | ||
| No. | ||
| Matt Serra's got one bicep that broke and then curled up. | ||
| They can't fix it? | ||
| Well, they could have right after it happened. | ||
| Like if you go to the hospital right after it happened, they reattach it and then you could fix it. | ||
| It's like an Achilles tear, almost. | ||
| Why? | ||
| When your Achilles snaps, doesn't your ankle just go loose like that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| Kind of snaps up like a rubber band? | ||
| Well, it's like that in a way, but apparently it just looks bad. | ||
| Like it pulls up and it hangs up there and it looks bad, but it doesn't really affect the movement of your arm, so a lot of guys don't do anything about it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They just... | |
| They don't even get it fixed. | ||
| They just leave it with that weird lump in it. | ||
| Doesn't it hurt in some level? | ||
| No, I guess it doesn't. | ||
| Not according to Matt Serra, you know? | ||
| Well, he's the Terra. | ||
| He is the Terra. | ||
| But, you know, there's not a goddamn thing in the world that beats your body up more than MMA. And maybe football. | ||
| Between those two things. | ||
| I would much rather watch MMA. Football, I don't understand football on any day. | ||
| It's because you're Canadian. | ||
| You're lucky you're here. | ||
| We're lucky we let you in. | ||
| I know. | ||
| You know, I really... | ||
| Where's the... | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Where is it? | ||
| Not Sarah. | ||
| Yeah, you can see he's like missing a chunk of his arm. | ||
| His bicep, his right bicep, it's like the front part of it from the elbow towards the shoulders. | ||
| Yeah, just got a chunk torn out of it. | ||
| But it doesn't affect his movement. | ||
| You know, it's weird. | ||
| It just looks odd. | ||
| But that's one that breaks. | ||
| The human body is very fucking soft when it comes to the, you see the durability of animals, and you see how fucking goddamn flimsy we are, Russell Peters. | ||
| Yeah, they've got it figured out. | ||
| Animals do. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, they figured it out. | ||
| They know exactly how to stay in their lane. | ||
| Yes, they definitely do that. | ||
| Humans are always like, well... | ||
| There's no renaissance animals. | ||
| There should be. | ||
| That know everything. | ||
| You know, they can fly. | ||
|
unidentified
|
An owl. | |
| They know how to swim underwater. | ||
| Would be the renaissance animal. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Give a hoot. | ||
| Owls are fucking creeps, man. | ||
| I remember when I first moved to California. | ||
| They're very violent. | ||
| They're super violent. | ||
| Well, they're predators. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| When I first moved to California, I saw an owl that was flying off with a rabbit and dropped the rabbit. | ||
| He had killed this rabbit, I guess, real close to the road. | ||
| And as I was driving, he tried to fly off with the rabbit and then decided, fuck this, I'm not getting away fast enough, and just dropped the rabbit and then flew. | ||
| I see him fly off with the rabbit in his talons and then go fuck this and just release it and then boom the rabbit hits the ground. | ||
| So I get out of my car and look at the rabbit and this rabbit's just eviscerated. | ||
| He's just torn its guts out and I'm sitting there going like, this is not what I think of when I think of an owl. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think, you know, I guess I knew they ate rats and rodents and stuff like that, but I don't think they literally will take out something that's their size. | ||
| Oh, they don't play. | ||
| They got big old talons on them, that's why. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And a bad attitude. | ||
| Yeah, they're fucking cunts. | ||
| I see hawks circling my backyard a lot lately. | ||
| Oh yeah. | ||
| Because I have a puppy. | ||
| Oh no. | ||
| So what we do is when we see... | ||
| It starts with one. | ||
| Then you see two. | ||
| Then you see three and four. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| So I get my assistant to take out his drone and he flies it up and scares him away. | ||
| Oh, that's a good move. | ||
| That's a very good move. | ||
| Aha, you fuckers. | ||
| We're combating you. | ||
| But they will eat a puppy, man. | ||
| Have you seen these... | ||
| What is this? | ||
| Mococks, I think? | ||
| Hey, I'm not looking at your cock. | ||
| Monkey, deer, mountain. | ||
| There's this small island in Japan where they have this relationship, I guess, where the monkeys, they ride the deer like humans would ride a horse. | ||
| Shut the fuck up. | ||
| This isn't real, Jack. | ||
| It definitely is. | ||
| It's a little humping it right now, but this is definitely real. | ||
| I looked it up. | ||
| They... | ||
| This might not be riding around so much, but they'll pick little ticks and shit off them, parasites, and they eat them. | ||
| They have this weird relationship where they allow it to happen. | ||
| They let them ride them around. | ||
| They're like the groomers for the deer. | ||
| Dude, this is crazy. | ||
| That's just macaque, my deer. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| So what we're reading is monkey, or watching rather, monkey deer mounting in Japanese macaques. | ||
| I can't believe this, man. | ||
| I thought this was fake. | ||
| This is incredible. | ||
| So, um... | ||
| Favorite rapper, Tupac McCock. | ||
| Oh, you motherfucker. | ||
| How dare you? | ||
| He's grooming the deer. | ||
| There's another one that I saw. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Um... | |
| Goddammit, now I forget what it was. | ||
| I was just gonna... | ||
| Shit. | ||
| Another one that had to do with monkeys. | ||
| Oh, baboons. | ||
| Baboons have pet dogs. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| I've not seen this. | ||
| Yeah, they get dogs as puppies, they raise them, and they keep them around as security. | ||
| And the dogs bark if anything comes near. | ||
| They raise them like a fucking pet. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Is there wild? | ||
| Dude, it's crazy. | ||
| Is there pictures, videos of this? | ||
| Yeah, there's a video of it. | ||
| It's nuts. | ||
| How smart are these folks? | ||
| The dog doesn't start thinking it's a chimpanzee or anything? | ||
| The dog acts like a dog. | ||
| Like, look at this. | ||
| He's got him, he's like holding on to the puppy. | ||
| Is there audio to this? | ||
| Well, the video is entitled... | ||
| See, he's got the little puppies holding on to it. | ||
| Oh, man, he's rough in the way he drags that dog around. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| It's called baboons, kidnap and raise feral dogs as pets. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But they literally raise them as pets. | ||
| They beat them down, they keep them around, they're holding on to them. | ||
| Look, he's sitting on them and holding it in place. | ||
| Oh, it's fighting against him? | ||
| It bites against him? | ||
| So he's, like, picking it up and forcing it to the ground. | ||
| He's holding on to its tail, and he drags it around like a toy. | ||
| Like, he has no concern. | ||
| They're such a weird animal, man. | ||
| That looks like a lion fucked a person. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Doesn't it? | ||
| They're so weird. | ||
| I mean, a baboon is one of the weirdest fucking animals you'll ever see. | ||
| That looks like us in a transitional stage in the evolution chart. | ||
| Almost like a branch, right? | ||
| One went left, one went right. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because they have that lion tail and that mane in the front. | ||
| Like, it's a strange, strange appearance. | ||
| I found this one dude's page. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| His page is all in Arabic. | ||
| I don't know what it says, but every day is a new animal fucking up of an animal video. | ||
| Like, every day. | ||
| It's overwhelming following them. | ||
| See translation right there. | ||
| Yeah, I don't want to know. | ||
| I don't even want to know what they're saying. | ||
| I mean, the translations are always off so bad, it's actually kind of funny. | ||
| Oh, yeah? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| They're never dead on. | ||
| I'm trying to think of what the fuck this dude's name is, but I'll figure it out. | ||
| I'll put it up on Instagram later. | ||
| But his page is on what the other day was these hyenas tearing apart this, it was like a wildebeest, like guts first. | ||
| This thing's trying to get away and get out of the water and this hyena is just ripping it apart, guts first. | ||
| Hyenas are savage. | ||
| Oh, it's so hard to watch. | ||
| I can't watch that stuff. | ||
| We're so soft, Russell Peters. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We are. | |
| Living here in America. | ||
| Because we care. | ||
| We have too much compassion. | ||
| Well, it's not just that we have too much compassion. | ||
| I'm saying that it's so easy for us to get by. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| We don't have to worry about a hyena getting us. | ||
| My dad grew up in the jungle. | ||
| What jungle? | ||
| In India. | ||
| Oh, Jesus. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So literally, he hunted tigers, leopards, wild boar. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Your dad did that? | ||
| Dad a lot. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| He was born in 1925. So, you know, back then it was... | ||
| It's not like he would hunt them for fun. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But yeah, he was a big game hunter. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| We have a tiger skin with a head. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| This last one that he shot was in the 60s when it was already banned. | ||
| You weren't allowed to shoot tigers then. | ||
| But this man-eater went to a village... | ||
| And was killing people in the village. | ||
| So they had asked my dad to, can you go get this? | ||
| Can you go? | ||
| We know your family's a bunch of hunters. | ||
| Can you go get this tiger for us? | ||
| And he's like, what's in it for me? | ||
| And they were like, we'll give you $15. | ||
| Like, that was a lot. | ||
| Like, it was the equivalent to that. | ||
| Somebody's saying to you today, I'll give you $15. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| And he said, well, how about you keep your money? | ||
| I get to keep the skin. | ||
| So they made, like, an exemption? | ||
| They were like, yeah. | ||
| Because he's getting a man-eater. | ||
| It wasn't like he was just randomly killing a tiger. | ||
| Boy, that's a monster movie. | ||
| I'll tell you exactly how he did it. | ||
| I remember the story clearly. | ||
| He went to where there was two trees, side by side. | ||
| So he built up a little fort in this one tree. | ||
| And then he tied a bull, a blue ox, around the other tree. | ||
| And then he went and sat up in the tree at around 5, 6 o'clock in the evening. | ||
| And he sat there reading magazines and stuff. | ||
| And then he knew when the night falls that the tiger would come out. | ||
| And then as soon as the bull started going crazy and running around the tree a lot because he knew he was scared... | ||
| My dad had a shotgun with him, a.308, I think. | ||
| And he had his flashlight, and the minute his flashlight touched the barrel of the gun, it made a metal noise. | ||
| And then as soon as he did that, the tiger looked up at him. | ||
| And instead of going for the ox, leaped straight at my dad in the tree. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| And my dad just fumbled and shot and hit him right here in the throat. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| And the tiger flipped back. | ||
| And then he flashed a flashlight on his eyes to see if they were still glossy. | ||
| And then he put another shot at him just for safety. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| And we have that skin to this day. | ||
| Holy shit, your dad was a gangster. | ||
| It's at my house. | ||
| Not at my house. | ||
| We have it in Canada. | ||
| And I want to bring it here. | ||
| But I don't know if we'll be able to... | ||
| I don't think you will. | ||
| Well, you might be able to get some sort of historical exemption. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, I don't know what paperwork I need for it. | ||
| It's hard to prove, you know what I mean? | ||
| That seems like, hmm, maybe you'd have to... | ||
| I think what happens when they find those things and they're illegal is they have to donate them to museums. | ||
| Yeah, see, I don't want to lose that. | ||
| That's family heirloom. | ||
| Because I remember reading about someone getting arrested. | ||
| It was a long time ago. | ||
| I want to say it was like the 70s or the 80s. | ||
| Someone got arrested with tiger skins. | ||
| They had some tiger skins that were obtained. | ||
| One of them was obtained illegally. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know, but it was illegally in like 1937 when they shot it and this person had had a couple of them now They were in trouble because when that happens if someone sells you one, it's Apparently your responsibility since it's a bad item. | ||
| Yeah to bring you have to bring it to like Somewhere and then they have to post it or something. | ||
| It's like you're not allowed to possess it. | ||
| So if you do possess it you could be in big trouble and This was all properly gotten and properly imported into Canada. | ||
| What part of India did this take place? | ||
| It's a small railway village called Buranpur. | ||
| It's kind of in the middle of the country. | ||
| Is that anywhere near the Sundarbans? | ||
| I cannot confirm nor deny that. | ||
| That was the subject of this documentary that I saw where they were talking about the Sundarbans is a very unusual section of the river system in India because it's very brackish for a long period of time. | ||
| And these animals apparently drink the water, and the water has a high salt content, and it's super irritable to the tigers. | ||
| And he thinks they make, it's one of the theories, they make the tigers more aggressive because they're just in pain all the time from drinking salty water. | ||
| And they've killed some insane amount of people over the last couple hundred years. | ||
| I think it's somewhere in the neighborhood of 200 plus thousand people have been killed by tigers. | ||
| In the last couple hundred years in this area. | ||
| I remember going there when I was 11 or 12, around that age. | ||
| And my dad took us, we went to my grandmother's, who still lived out there. | ||
| And he took us for a walk. | ||
| We all had to carry guns. | ||
| I was 11 walking around with a rifle. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| And everybody had to carry a gun because, you know, he took us to like a river and you could see fresh tiger prints in the mud. | ||
| Oh! | ||
| And he was like, look, see? | ||
| And you follow the prince and you go, don't. | ||
| My dad was like, don't go that way. | ||
| Because that's where he went. | ||
| So you're going to go the other way now. | ||
| There's a big tiger sanctuary right next to it. | ||
| Where Baranpur? | ||
| Yeah, here's Baranpur. | ||
| And then this is a, I don't, I can't see it. | ||
| I'm sure you've seen, oh wow, that's so wild. | ||
| I've never looked at that like that. | ||
| That's pretty cool. | ||
| Can people see this on YouTube? | ||
| That's all. | ||
| That's all. | ||
| I know that. | ||
| That's pretty dope. | ||
| I know that area when I was a kid. | ||
| I'm trying to find a picture of my dad with... | ||
| We have some of the shots here. | ||
| Did you see that video from that wild animal park in Beijing? | ||
| Oh my god, that was awesome. | ||
| I saw it on your Instagram first. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I was like, what the fuck was this? | |
| Why did you get out of your car? | ||
| What makes you think, yeah. | ||
| People just get mad. | ||
| Yeah, that's what you wrote. | ||
| That they were... | ||
| She was mad and that's why she got out of the car? | ||
| She apparently got mad at somebody in the car, I don't know who, but she got out and she survived. | ||
| Her mom, who got out to chase the tiger away after the tiger pulled her off, the mom got killed. | ||
| Oh, so the one that got taken didn't get killed. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Woman mauled in Beijing, tiger attacked to sue. | ||
| Sue who? | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| The tiger? | ||
| I'm sure he doesn't have insurance. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| She's saying she hadn't been fully informed of the dangers and left the vehicle because she was carsick. | ||
| Well, she was yelling at somebody. | ||
| Oh, here we go. | ||
| We're gonna have to watch it. | ||
| I see. | ||
| She was carsick, bitch. | ||
| She was carjacked. | ||
| This is so crazy. | ||
| She gets out. | ||
| She storms over to the other side. | ||
| The other person gets out. | ||
| And she's arguing. | ||
| She's like, listen, I'm telling you right now. | ||
| You better shut the fuck up, bitch. | ||
| Come here. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That tiger just ran out and grabbed her, dude. | |
| And then someone else goes out after the tiger. | ||
| Park Ranger? | ||
| Yeah, Park Ranger runs in there, and that's all we see. | ||
| It looked like the tiger went, wow, this is the easiest lunch I've ever had. | ||
| Tiger probably couldn't help himself. | ||
| Finally saw something he could jack, and best yet, she wasn't paying attention, so her back was turned. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| You ever see those videos of the tigers, like, creeping up on people when they're sitting with their back to the cage? | ||
| Oh, it's crazy. | ||
| They just dive on the back of them. | ||
| They can't help themselves. | ||
| That's what they do. | ||
| They're being tigers. | ||
| They are being tigers. | ||
| They're tigers. | ||
| Too busy being tigers. | ||
| What are you doing? | ||
| Checking your tweets? | ||
| No, I'm trying to find this picture of my dad. | ||
| Oh, the tiger rug? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It says you have to sign a piece of, like, a waiver that says you will not get out of your car once you enter the park, but she thought it wasn't that, and no one explained it to her. | ||
| What does she think she's saying? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, no. | |
| So dumb. | ||
| She might have not been paying attention and not knowing that there's tigers out there. | ||
| I mean, nobody really reads that stuff, but if somebody explains it to you... | ||
| How the fuck could they just let you drive around in your own car where they have tigers? | ||
| China doesn't give a shit. | ||
| No. | ||
| That's just such a ridiculous policy. | ||
| They would never have that in America. | ||
| With the liability insurance that people have to carry over here? | ||
| In Canada, they have a place called African Lion Safari. | ||
| When I was a kid, we used to go, and you'd drive through with your own car. | ||
| And there was, yeah, there was lions. | ||
| And there was giraffes, and monkeys would jump on your car and fuck up your antenna, and... | ||
| There was a place like that in New Jersey that I went to where the monkeys would jump on your car. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, they'd pull people's windshield wipers off and shit. | ||
| Oh yeah, they were really destructive. | ||
| But there's a big difference between that and a lion. | ||
| You guys had lions? | ||
| It was called African Lion Safari. | ||
| I don't believe I saw a lion. | ||
| But I do remember the monkeys fucking up the car. | ||
| And then my mom telling me recently when I was home that we should take my daughter to go see African Lion Safari. | ||
| I'm not going in my fucking car to African Lion Safari. | ||
| Are you kidding me? | ||
| I saw a bobcat and a bunch of moms or a bunch of babies. | ||
| Recently. | ||
| By your place? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| I was in Tohono Ranch. | ||
| We were driving down this road and this bobcat and I think, I want to say two or three babies. | ||
| But I saw it so briefly and I knew that it was a cat. | ||
| I saw it so briefly and the guys I was with thought it was a cat that in my mind I had seen a cougar I'd seen a small cougar and some cougar puppies. | ||
| When they explained to me that, no, no, no, no, it was a bobcat, then I had to look into my memory and I was like, how much of my memory is concocted? | ||
| How much of my memory in this situation is just like a total falsification? | ||
| What I wanted it to be. | ||
| Well, I've just filled in the blanks. | ||
| Like, I knew it was a living thing, I knew it was some kind of a cat, and I knew it ran away really quick, and there was a couple of them. | ||
| So, when we said it was a cat, I was like, oh, well, that must have been a mountain lion, a very small mountain lion. | ||
| And I was trying to figure it out. | ||
| Bobcats are just, uh, they have really big paws, right? | ||
| Isn't that what it is? | ||
| Some of them. | ||
| Oh no, those are lynx. | ||
| Lynx have really big paws. | ||
| Yeah, because they walk through the snow. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Those are Canadian. | |
| Those are weird to see, man. | ||
| I saw one of those. | ||
| I don't want to see one of those. | ||
| I saw one of those when I was in Canada. | ||
| Did you? | ||
| Yeah, walking on the side of the road. | ||
| I took a picture of it. | ||
| Going to raise there, never saw one ever. | ||
| Never saw a moose seedling. | ||
| What? | ||
| And I know they're massive. | ||
| Who are you? | ||
| I know. | ||
| Who are you? | ||
| I don't know who I am sometimes. | ||
| Isn't that like the Canadian animal? | ||
| Or is it like a duck or something? | ||
| The goose is ours. | ||
| Is it? | ||
| For real? | ||
| The Canada goose. | ||
| No. | ||
| That's your animal? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I think that's the only one that we identify as Canadian. | ||
| But moose is definitely part of our heritage. | ||
| In a way, that's kind of appropriate that you guys are the goose and we're the eagle. | ||
| You know, we're a cunty, shitty, mean bird. | ||
| Doesn't give a fuck. | ||
| Kills everything. | ||
| But can be tamed. | ||
| An eagle can be tamed? | ||
| Yeah, sure. | ||
| You can get him to sit on your arm. | ||
| He's not trying to pull your eyes off. | ||
| One of them giant fucking leather... | ||
| I think you have to raise them, but people definitely raise eagles. | ||
| I mean, it's not like you can get a regular eagle and tame them, but if you raise them, I'm sure you can get them to the point where they don't try to kill you all the time. | ||
| Like Dave's House of Eagles or something. | ||
| It's such an awesome animal, though. | ||
| It's just amazing that there's such a variety of different things. | ||
| That's my dad sitting on it. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| That's your dad sitting on a goddamn man-eating tiger that he killed. | ||
| What a scary thing that is. | ||
| You know another thing about it? | ||
| They're so beautiful. | ||
| Oh yeah. | ||
| It's weird, like you're gonna be killed by something that's so amazing to look at. | ||
| Don't they always say that if tigers were in Africa, they would be the king of the jungle? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, they're way bigger. | ||
| Especially the big ones. | ||
| Bigger, meaner. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They're faster. | ||
| They're on the next level to a lion. | ||
| There was a video that I watched the other day. | ||
| Are ligers real? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Lions are real. | ||
| But ligers tend to be docile for some strange reason. | ||
| I don't think anybody's ever been attacked by a liger. | ||
| They also have some weird growth thing going on where whatever regulates growth, it doesn't work on them. | ||
| That's a liger? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They're so huge. | ||
| They're way bigger than regular cats. | ||
| Look at the belly on that guy, though. | ||
| Yeah, they're fucking giant, dude. | ||
| That's an enormous, enormous animal. | ||
| So whether it's the male tiger fucks the female lion, I think that's how it goes. | ||
| So when that happens, apparently the... | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| That's amazing looking, isn't it? | ||
| Apparently, when it does happen, the cat, whichever side is the lion or the tiger, one of the sides is supposed to get the gene for regulating growth from the woman, but it doesn't get it from the woman, or it doesn't get it from the man, because the man's a tiger or the man's a lion, however the combination works. | ||
| But because it's a male and a female, or a lion and a tiger, they make this new thing that doesn't know when to stop growing. | ||
| So it just keeps growing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It just gets you bigger. | ||
| But these are fabricated. | ||
| Well, I think they can appear in the wild, but they don't live in the wild together. | ||
| Yeah, but they're two animals that are from different continents. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| So somebody had to have put them together at some point. | ||
| Not only that, they're not viable. | ||
| They're hybrids, and it's a hybrid that's not viable. | ||
| It's not like a dog. | ||
| A wolf can fuck your dog, and those puppies are part wolf, and they can fuck a regular dog, and there'd be no problem. | ||
| They would just keep making puppies. | ||
| It'd probably be good for the gene pool. | ||
| But with these things, even though a lion and a tiger Probably look more similar than a German Shepherd and a poodle. | ||
| They do, right? | ||
| They probably look more similar. | ||
| They're not the same thing. | ||
| So that baby's a hybrid. | ||
| So those hybrid babies, they can't reproduce. | ||
| They can't produce more ligers. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So they're one litter animals. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But like wolf dogs? | ||
| Wolf dogs can fuck regular dogs, and they can get fucked by regular dogs. | ||
| Oh man, by the way, I heard coyotes like crazy in my backyard last night. | ||
| Fucking? | ||
| Or screaming? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| They were screaming. | ||
| They were killing something, I'm sure. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| They're interesting, aren't they? | ||
| Those are wolves. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They're actual wolves. | ||
| Skinny wolves. | ||
| Yeah, little tiny wolves. | ||
| They can mate with wolves. | ||
| They mate with dogs. | ||
| We ran into a litter once when I was doing Fear Factor. | ||
| We were in this really rural area where we were doing this stunt, and we ran into a litter of coyotes. | ||
| And Labrador Retriever. | ||
| Coyote had fucked this guy's Labrador Retriever. | ||
| And the Labrador Retriever gave birth and the puppies were all outside and we were trying to... | ||
| Were they mangy looking? | ||
| They were real mangy looking. | ||
| It was real sad because they were essentially feral and people were kind of trying to rescue them and they were trying to give them to people on the crew and people on the crew were like... | ||
| Trying to get the cell phone service so they can call friends, see if anybody wanted to take them. | ||
| Because you realize, like, wow, these poor little things, like, they're just, they're going to die out here. | ||
| But there was also the thought, like, whoa, who wants a half coyote? | ||
| Nobody wants a fucking coyote. | ||
| That thing ain't going to listen to you, man. | ||
| Yeah, they're wily. | ||
| Yeah, that's a wild animal. | ||
| A tricky little wild animal. | ||
| That fucking thing is not listening. | ||
| But if you have, like, a lot of people are... | ||
| But a lab is, like, such a calm, peaceful dog, too. | ||
| Might bounce it out. | ||
| Yeah, I don't know. | ||
| It might be too, you know... | ||
| It might just make a really cunty lab. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I'm having this guy on soon. | ||
| He's a wildlife biologist who's been studying all the coyotes that live in urban Los Angeles. | ||
| There's a big article about it, about this ongoing research, about just how many coyotes live. | ||
| There's a ton of them, dude. | ||
| It's incredible. | ||
| They've infiltrated and they're a part of this. | ||
| We like to think of our cities as environments that are free of anything alive other than us that's dangerous. | ||
| Or anything other than us that's a predator. | ||
| We don't want to think that there's something acting as a predator in our midst like that. | ||
| For the most part, we like to think of cities as being barren of wildlife. | ||
| But that's not true at all. | ||
| No. | ||
| Well, they were here before we were. | ||
| Not even. | ||
| Here's the thing. | ||
| They were, but their range has expanded. | ||
| I'm reading a book right now called Coyote America by this guy, Dan Flores. | ||
| And he was a wildlife historian turned author. | ||
| And you find out about the history of the coyote. | ||
| Apparently all dogs came from North America. | ||
| All dogs, all cannids, including jackals, including a bunch of shit that's in Africa right now, all came from North America. | ||
| All horses, zebras, it all came from North America. | ||
| They went extinct in North America and then were reintroduced later. | ||
| And the coyotes are a weird animal. | ||
| How did they get around? | ||
| I don't fucking know. | ||
| I guess Pangea. | ||
| I think it was when the continents were all connected. | ||
| You know, when there was a different configuration. | ||
| But this fucking book's amazing, man. | ||
| Talking about the history of the coyote and how sneaky those fuckers are. | ||
| The reason why there's so many coyotes, they're all across every city in America today. | ||
| And that wasn't the case a hundred years ago. | ||
| They've expanded their range due to persecution. | ||
| So when anybody shoots them, when wolves come in and start killing them, when anything happens to them, they make more babies. | ||
| They do that roll call, that screaming in the night. | ||
| When one of them's not calling back, the females start producing more eggs. | ||
| It's crazy shit. | ||
| They go from having like four offspring to like, you know, four pups in the litter, they'll have like 15. Yeah, that's pretty crazy. | ||
| You know, you know, have you ever heard when a siren goes by, it sets them off? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I hear a siren and then fucking all of a sudden you hear a shitload of coyotes and like, wow. | ||
| Have you ever heard turkey do that? | ||
| No. | ||
| When you slam your car door. | ||
| Right. | ||
| If you're out in the woods and you slam your car door, you'll hear... | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, it's crazy. | ||
| Like, they have this instinctive reaction. | ||
| Like, turkeys will gobble if you make a turkey call. | ||
| Like, you know, they have the... | ||
| And they make a call like a turkey and the turkey calls back. | ||
| But they'll also do it if you just slam a car door. | ||
| They're very sensitive to sound. | ||
| They just freak out. | ||
| And when they freak out, they can't handle themselves. | ||
| What was that meat you were cooking the other day? | ||
| Elk? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| How was it? | ||
| It's good. | ||
| You ever had? | ||
| No. | ||
| Do you cook? | ||
| My lady cooks. | ||
| She does? | ||
| I'll give you some. | ||
| I have some elk here. | ||
| Do you really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'll take a little elk home. | ||
| What does it taste like? | ||
| Like cow fucked a deer. | ||
| Made sweet, sweet love to a deer, but more delicious. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| It's like my favorite meat. | ||
| It's really good for you, too. | ||
| I thought it looked good, and I never thought I'd ever say this to you, but I really want to taste your meat, Joe. | ||
| You son of a bitch! | ||
| You can't help yourself. | ||
| I can't. | ||
| It's just who you are. | ||
| You gotta accept it. | ||
| It's true. | ||
| When you were telling me about the coyotes, and you were saying you were reading the book, what was the name of the book? | ||
| Coyote America. | ||
| I was like, have you read Coyote Ugly? | ||
| It's a short book. | ||
| It pained me to stop myself from saying it. | ||
| Some kids say they don't even know what coyote ugly means. | ||
| Let me explain to you, you little fucks. | ||
| Coyote ugly is when someone fucks someone that's so ugly that your arm is underneath them when you wake up and you chew your arm off like a coyote caught in a trap just so that you don't have to wake them up and deal with them. | ||
| It's true. | ||
| That's what the term coyote ugly comes from, right? | ||
| It's true. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's a brutal goddamn term. | |
| I've had a few of those in my time. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Have you? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| That's mean. | ||
| Road coyotes. | ||
| Some of the old road coyotes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Road. | |
| The travels. | ||
| There's some spots in this country where you stop in and you go, man, I wish I could get all of you guys out of here. | ||
| But then you talk to them and they love it there. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| People love where they are. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But then I get to some spots where I'm like, you know, you're driving through these really small towns and you're looking around. | ||
| And I always think to myself, I wonder if I just fucking stopped the car here, bought a house, and then never called anybody again. | ||
| Just lived here in this little small town. | ||
| You know what that is? | ||
| That's a longing for nostalgia. | ||
| It is. | ||
| It's like you thinking, I'm going to go back to being a regular guy. | ||
| I'm tired of being Russell Peters, Mr. International, Mr. Worldwide. | ||
| You know what's funny? | ||
| When I go home to Toronto, I always drive through my old neighborhoods. | ||
| Like the three or four neighborhoods that I did grow up in. | ||
| Do you hang your Rolex out the window? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| You know, I'm always tempted to knock on the doors of the houses I lived in. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But I do it at these ungodly hours, so it'd be really creepy. | ||
| And you're probably drunk. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| I don't drink and drive. | ||
| Yeah, people don't want you knocking on their door and saying, hey, I used to live here. | ||
| Yeah, you don't need more. | ||
| Nice to see you. | ||
| Take it easy. | ||
| I want to just be like, hey, I grew up in this house. | ||
| Can I just come in and look around? | ||
| Like, no, you fuck. | ||
| I'm hanging meat in the basement. | ||
| Get out of here. | ||
| There was a house I grew up in that was for sale recently. | ||
| I got to see it online. | ||
| It was weird. | ||
| You should have bought it. | ||
| No. | ||
| No. | ||
| We're in Massachusetts. | ||
| Yeah, in Newton. | ||
| Newton-Upper Falls. | ||
| But it's interesting to see it. | ||
| Did you know Dana back then? | ||
| No. | ||
| No? | ||
| No, I didn't know Dana. | ||
| I didn't know Dana until 2001 or something like that, like whenever they bought the UFC. Yeah, he lived in South Boston. | ||
| I used to work in South Boston at one point in time. | ||
| Is that where the Southies are? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think he lived there. | ||
| I think he said he lived in South Boston. | ||
| But I lived in Newton, Newton Upper Falls. | ||
| Now I lived all over the place. | ||
| Once I moved out of my parents' place, I moved to a lot of shitty neighborhoods and pursued my comedy dream, Russell Peters. | ||
| You never had that accent. | ||
| I did I did I found myself on TV when I won the Bay State games in 1986 86 or 87 like that they had this thing called the Bay State games and it was like this big thing I It was this big tournament that they would do, like an Olympic-style tournament. | ||
| This was Taekwondo? | ||
| Yeah, and they've televised this fight. | ||
| They televised, they fucked up the camera, and the camera missed the fight. | ||
| I won by knockout in the first round in like 30 seconds. | ||
| And then they had this big TV report where they had these... | ||
| These TV people interview me because I had won the state championship a couple years in a row and they were interested in coverage of the Bay State games. | ||
| Anyway, I listened to myself on TV and I sounded like such a fucking idiot. | ||
| I had a VHS tape of myself. | ||
| And I realized it was the first time I'd ever heard myself. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Is it online? | |
| No. | ||
| I don't know where it is. | ||
| I never realized how Canadian I sounded until I saw an interview of mine from like 97, 96. And I was just so earnest and Canadian. | ||
| I was just extra Canadian. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Did you say about? | |
| Did you say about? | ||
| I did. | ||
| I fucking did. | ||
| You don't say it anymore? | ||
| No. | ||
| Say about? | ||
| Say about. | ||
| Yeah, that's right. | ||
| You're struggling. | ||
| I feel the struggle. | ||
| The only thing I say that's still very Canadian is sorry. | ||
| Ugh. | ||
| I listened to myself when I was 19 in this video and I was saying, hide. | ||
| Like, we worked out really hard for this. | ||
| Oh. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I was like, ugh. | |
| That's so funny to me. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's that stupid noise. | |
| I can't even picture you like that. | ||
| Was Callan out there too in Boston? | ||
| Callan was in Boston, but again, I didn't know him either. | ||
| Callan was apparently in Boston and he was also doing Taekwondo, but I didn't know him. | ||
| But he was born in India. | ||
| Cowan was born in the Philippines. | ||
| His sister was born in India. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He was a military child. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So he lived all over the place. | ||
| He lived in Saudi Arabia. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He lived everywhere. | ||
| It's a fucking weird way to grow up, man. | ||
| Yeah, I can't imagine that. | ||
| Living in a bunch of strange foreign countries. | ||
| But to be, like, I mean, to be as well-rounded as he is today is a testament to him. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, he's super well-rounded as far as, like, his interests. | ||
| Yeah, he's just, you know, he's a guy. | ||
| He knows a lot of shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He knows a lot of shit about very interesting and different... | ||
| Like, he's one of the few guys that I can call up, like, some bizarre thing that's in the news. | ||
| I can call up, hey, fill me in on this. | ||
| Like, what the fuck's going on with this? | ||
| And he'll be able to most likely have some insight... | ||
| He's got a pretty broad range of topics in his head that he knows quite a bit about. | ||
| Don't ever talk to him about wine. | ||
| You'll get stuck. | ||
| Oh yeah, I can't drink wine anyway. | ||
| I got acid reflux. | ||
| No wine for me. | ||
| What is acid reflux? | ||
| It's your body telling you you're a fat fuck and you need to change your diet. | ||
| Is that what it is? | ||
| But what does it mean? | ||
| Does it mean like burps come up? | ||
| Yeah, your burps come up. | ||
| I mean, it burns. | ||
| It burns to hear. | ||
| So your digestive juices kick back up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's horrible. | ||
| What's causing it? | ||
| I've had it since I was a kid. | ||
| I remember being a six, seven-year-old having it. | ||
| Now, is there anything they can give you? | ||
| Would they give you something for it? | ||
| Back then? | ||
| No, now. | ||
| Now, yeah. | ||
| I take stuff called Protonix. | ||
| And what does that stuff do? | ||
| It just stops it. | ||
| I don't know what it does exactly, but I know I don't feel any pain when I'm on it, so I'm good with it. | ||
| You don't feel any pain like you could whack your dick with a hammer? | ||
| Like that kind of thing? | ||
| Actually, I'm numb. | ||
| Numb to the world. | ||
| Numb to the world? | ||
| That's what you're looking for? | ||
| But I eat pizza and not worry. | ||
| I drank a whole Mountain Dew. | ||
| I don't give a fuck. | ||
| Do you think there's a dietary cure? | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| When I eat properly, it doesn't bother me at all. | ||
| I could not take medication then. | ||
| That's interesting. | ||
| So you choose to eat like shit? | ||
| No, I just do it preventatively now, just in case. | ||
| I don't know what the fuck's going to trigger it. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| So when it triggers it, it just kicks in? | ||
| You start getting that burning feeling in your throat? | ||
| It's kind of like a... | ||
| Yeah, it's like a burn and you burp and your eyes water. | ||
| Like what'll do it to you? | ||
| Like lasagna? | ||
| Lasagna kick you down? | ||
| No, pizza would take me down. | ||
| Pizza. | ||
| French fries. | ||
| Anything greasy. | ||
| Greasy. | ||
| Wine is the worst for me, though. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Oh my god. | ||
| So right now, if we busted out a glass of wine and started cleaning from glasses, you'd just start throwing up? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| It wouldn't hit me. | ||
| I'd be like, oh, it's all right now. | ||
| And then when I go to bed, the minute I lay down... | ||
| Oh, that's when you feel like shit? | ||
| Yeah, that's when it happens. | ||
| Man. | ||
| Stay up. | ||
| That's what I'd say. | ||
| Just forever? | ||
| Don't be a pussy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I don't know why I'm not committing to this more. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| You just gotta keep partying, bro. | ||
| I don't know what the side effects- Just gotta party harder. | ||
| Can you see what the side effects to Protonix are? | ||
| Because I'm pretty sure- You gotta have some. | ||
| I heard it's probably short-term memory. | ||
| I forget. | ||
| Wah, wah, wah. | ||
| That was a pun, ladies! | ||
| That wasn't a pun. | ||
| What was that, a clip? | ||
| That was just shit. | ||
| That was just shit, Joe. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's what that was. | |
| That's all it was. | ||
| It was shit. | ||
| How would you categorize that if you're a professional? | ||
| Weight changes. | ||
| See? | ||
| Weight changes, nausea, vomiting, mild diarrhea, gas, stomach pain. | ||
| Tired feeling, that's always. | ||
| Dude, get off this stuff. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| Okay, Jamie, now Google Protonix dangers, please. | ||
| God, long-term use may cause issues. | ||
| Dude, get off that shit. | ||
| Oh my God, what are you taking? | ||
| Common side effects. | ||
| FDA sounds alarm on the dangers of anti-acid drugs. | ||
| How is it a side effect of it if it's what you take to fix it? | ||
| Click on Chris Crusher's article, FDA sounds, alarms, and dangers of aspirin. | ||
| This is six years ago. | ||
| This guy's smart as fuck. | ||
| I've had him on the podcast. | ||
| Very, very knowledgeable guy. | ||
| Goddamn your pop-ups! | ||
| Fuck your pop-ups! | ||
| So what does it say here? | ||
| In a shockingly rare example of FDA actually doing its job, a report was issued on Tuesday cautioning against the prolonged use of a class of acid-stopping drugs called proton pump inhibitors. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| So this is the shit, man. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| Americans spend $5.1 billion on the most popular anti-assets. | ||
| That is insane. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| There's so much money in drugs. | ||
| That's what we should have got into, Russell. | ||
| Why are we telling jokes? | ||
| We could be selling drugs. | ||
| Well, you're busy taking them, so. | ||
| Wah, wah, wah. | ||
| I take the good ones. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| That stuff, though, doesn't seem like a good one. | ||
| And you take that stuff. | ||
| I take it twice a day. | ||
| Dude, stop taking that, please. | ||
| I take it when I wake up, and I take it before I go to bed. | ||
| Can I connect you with a diet guy that can change your life? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Would you do it? | ||
| Hell yeah. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| Okay. | ||
| I'm going to connect you with a guy. | ||
| I know a guy that can change your life. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I need that. | ||
| Change your life! | ||
| Joe Rogan, Changing Lives. | ||
| Would you listen? | ||
| Would you only eat the stuff that he told you to? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm not an expert, so I would have to listen to what he says. | ||
| Now, you're a wealthy man. | ||
| How come you haven't already done this? | ||
| I do. | ||
| I try. | ||
| You got the paper? | ||
| You got that paper? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I try. | |
| I try. | ||
| I just enjoy food. | ||
| I enjoy life. | ||
| I do too, man. | ||
| That's the problem. | ||
| I'm like, you know what? | ||
| I feel like going off sometimes, maybe right now, like going and getting like a gigantic fucking mushroom and pepperoni pizza. | ||
| Not give a fuck how they got that pepperoni either. | ||
| You see what you just did? | ||
| You planted a fucking seed in my head, Joe. | ||
| It's just perfect right off the fucking oven. | ||
| Oof. | ||
| They slide it out of that oven with that giant spatula, and they drop it down into that box. | ||
| Yeah, they drop it like it's hot. | ||
| You just start pulling slices apart, and the cheese is hanging, all gooey. | ||
| And you dig in, you taste that tomato sauce, and that grease, and the spices, and you're just chewing on the carbs, too, and you're just going, fuck, yeah! | ||
| Like, I don't need a six-pack. | ||
| I don't need to be shredded. | ||
| Fuck all that. | ||
| Give me this pizza right now. | ||
| That's my problem. | ||
| That's the problem. | ||
| The problem is the way you sold it just now. | ||
| I may stop on the way home. | ||
| I ate a bunch of boring shit today. | ||
| I ate nuts. | ||
| Eggs. | ||
| I ate a bunch of boring ass shit. | ||
| I certainly didn't have a fresh pizza. | ||
| I had multigrain Cheerios. | ||
| That's good. | ||
| If you like sugar and things that aren't really good for you but appear to be good for you on the box. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, it's multigrain! | |
| They were delicious. | ||
| You know what I like? | ||
| Pineapple and anchovy pizza. | ||
| You ever had that? | ||
| I don't like pineapple on anchovies. | ||
| See, the two of them together. | ||
| I know it seems nasty. | ||
| I know people are listening to me. | ||
| They're like, Joe Rubin, you're a fucking idiot. | ||
| You need the pineapple to mask the anchovy. | ||
| No, it doesn't mask it. | ||
| It all gets busy together. | ||
| I'm telling you, it's fantastic. | ||
| Yeah, I can't do cunty smelling things like that. | ||
| Not only that, I go double pineapple, double anchovy. | ||
| Yeah, I can't do that. | ||
| I don't give a fuck, Russell Peters. | ||
| I think you just shit on my pizza dreams. | ||
| Hey, guess what? | ||
| You just talked me out of eating pizza. | ||
| Here's another one. | ||
| Maybe this will be more up your aisle. | ||
| Jalapenos and sausage. | ||
| Jalapenos, sausage, and cheese. | ||
| Jalapenos, sausage, and cheese. | ||
| Oh, don't be a pussy. | ||
| You're taking drugs. | ||
| I know. | ||
| Take the drug. | ||
| Take extra. | ||
| The jalapenos and the sausage. | ||
| Take your extra jalapenos. | ||
| It'll all fuck me sideways. | ||
| Take your extra medicine. | ||
| Can't you take, like, four of those fuckers? | ||
| Oh, God, you don't want to do that. | ||
| No? | ||
| What happens then? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| You get no more acid. | ||
| I just don't want to find out. | ||
| It cleans out all your acid. | ||
| What's happening? | ||
| Like, how's it stopping that? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| What's it doing? | ||
| Can't be good. | ||
| But I've had it since I was a kid. | ||
| And my parents were just telling me, drink milk. | ||
| Mmm, that's a good thing to tell people. | ||
| My mom would be like, oh, go drink some milk. | ||
| It'll go away. | ||
| It's almost like nothing you should drink milk for, other than you want milk. | ||
| Yep, drink some milk, it'll cool it down. | ||
| Well, Indians, you know, because food's so spicy, they serve a yogurt dish with it, and yogurt's to... | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| To calm your instincts. | ||
| To calm everything down. | ||
| But I never liked the yogurt as a kid, so I would have to just drink milk. | ||
| I went to a kid's party recently, and we pulled up, and it was this thing at this roller skating place, and I was hungry. | ||
| I was like, I gotta get something to eat. | ||
| Oh, in North Georgia? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So right around the corner is this super authentic Indian deli slash lunch place where everything was in Indian and everything was like shit. | ||
| There was a few things that were in English. | ||
| No one there was American except for me or no one there was your standard English-speaking person except for me. | ||
| No one knew what the fuck I was saying. | ||
| I had to tell this lady I didn't want the naan bread. | ||
| She just wound up giving it to me anyway. | ||
| But the food was sensational. | ||
| It was really good. | ||
| All vegetarian, Indian food. | ||
| But I really felt like I had somehow or another teleported into another country. | ||
| I was hanging out with these people. | ||
| They're all wearing... | ||
| Indian clothes. | ||
| Totally identify them as being from India. | ||
| They had Indian music playing, Indian TV shows on. | ||
| They overdo it sometimes. | ||
| They went deep. | ||
| They missed the motherland. | ||
| Like a time capsule. | ||
| But the food is so distinct. | ||
| It's like all the curries and the different spices and the turmeric and... | ||
| It's a really interesting type of food, man. | ||
| It depends on which part of India you're eating food from, too. | ||
| It's very different everywhere. | ||
| There's a place... | ||
| North, south, east, west. | ||
| Everybody has their own stuff. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's a place on Ventura. | ||
| Where's the best Indian restaurant in L.A.? Is there a one spot that really knows it? | ||
| I have a spot that I used to go to in Studio City. | ||
| It used to be called Great India Cafe. | ||
| And they just changed the name. | ||
| And I forgot what they changed the name to. | ||
| But the restaurant's still there. | ||
| There's one in... | ||
| And it's pretty damn good. | ||
| Woodland Hills on Ventura that's really good. | ||
| I might have been to that one. | ||
| Unabarg or something like that. | ||
| I'm trying to remember the name. | ||
| Down closer to the 101 area. | ||
| Yes, closer to like Calabasas. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That place is really good. | ||
| It's in a little strip plaza. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, it's not bad. | ||
| Dude, to me, it's really good. | ||
| I don't know shit, though. | ||
| I want you to school me in the ways of the authentic... | ||
| My mom taught my fiancee how to make her food her way, and she makes it fucking amazingly. | ||
| Really? | ||
| So if you're into it, I will have you and wifey over. | ||
| Let's do it! | ||
| Come on. | ||
| There was the place that I went to that I told you that was a super authentic Indian, but it was all vegetarian. | ||
| Is that common? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Vegetarian is big over there. | ||
| The second place that I've found that's like a super authentic, there's another one in Canoga Park that's real similar. | ||
| It's like a supermarket, like a market rather. | ||
| And then they also serve food there, but it's all vegetarian as well. | ||
| Vegetarian is more common than not in India. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, you have to specify. | ||
| They'll put on the outside veg and non-veg. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hmm. | |
| So why do you think that is? | ||
| And then on airplanes when they order their food and then they screw it up. | ||
| I am a vegetable. | ||
| My wife is also a vegetable. | ||
| Oh, that's what they say? | ||
| Yes, yeah. | ||
| So vegetarian. | ||
| But it's good to hear. | ||
| Why is that, that Indian is so predominantly vegetarian? | ||
| It just always has been, historically. | ||
| I mean, you know, they... | ||
| I think they revere animals quite a bit. | ||
| They also can't really facilitate storing meat. | ||
| Some people don't have refrigerators and stuff. | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| That makes sense. | ||
| It's easier to hang on to the vegetables. | ||
| But there are some dishes like... | ||
| Like, there's one that has Rogan in it. | ||
| Lamb Rogan Josh. | ||
| Rogan Josh? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| That shit is good. | ||
| That is good. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| That place in Woodland Hills, I've had it there. | ||
| Extra spicy. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Rogan Josh is damn good. | ||
| You say Josh? | ||
| That's what you say? | ||
| I would say Josh. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, but that's a meat dish. | ||
| Is that just a small amount of those meat dishes in the Indian cuisine? | ||
| No, no, there's a lot of meat dishes. | ||
| It's just, you know, more often than not, you'll find, it's probably easier to find a vegetarian Indian restaurant than it would be to find a meat one. | ||
| Unless you go from like North India. | ||
| North Indians tend to eat a lot more meat. | ||
| I wonder if there's a direct connection. | ||
| I mean, India's always had an issue with Pakistan. | ||
| They've been involved in conflicts before. | ||
| But overall, when people think about Indian people, people from India, they think of them as not being warlike. | ||
| They think of them as being pretty peaceful people, right? | ||
| I wonder if there's a correlation between that and the massive amount of people eating plants only. | ||
| A wonder. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It's a possibility. | ||
| They are a very, you know, they've always been big on meditating and yoga, obviously, is ours. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And centering yourself. | ||
| And eating hash. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Eating hash. | ||
| And you go deep, deep, deep, deep, deep into the records. | ||
| They have some really crazy ancient writings, man. | ||
| On Vimanu's, this flying saucer talk and shit. | ||
| And some of the old... | ||
| And Sanskrit's the mother of all European languages. | ||
| Is it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| Yeah, you're from a pretty cool place, huh? | ||
| It's not too shabby. | ||
| It's pretty badass. | ||
| Have you ever been? | ||
| No. | ||
| Oh, you'd love it. | ||
| All the cool shit that's been from India. | ||
| Like, that's a very unique part of the world. | ||
| Yeah, I think you'd really enjoy it out there. | ||
| You've got to get rid of those tigers before I go visit. | ||
| I'm not into that. | ||
| Your dad can do that. | ||
| I'm not going to be there for that. | ||
| Not for the tigers? | ||
| I used to have this bit in my act about a real thing that happened on the Sundarbans where this tiger jumped into the river, swam up to a boat that had five fishermen in it, and killed one at a time. | ||
| Killed three guys. | ||
| Grabbed them, bit them, dragged them into the water, pulled them to shore, killed them. | ||
| Jumped back in the water, swam back out to the boat, grabbed the next guy, pulled him to shore. | ||
| None of these guys thought about... | ||
| They couldn't do anything. | ||
| They were trying to row. | ||
| They couldn't row faster than the tiger can swim. | ||
| They swum faster, then five guys can row, and then four guys can row, and then three guys can row. | ||
| So there's two guys left. | ||
| Two guys survived. | ||
| And three out of the five were killed by the same fucking tiger who kept swimming out to the boat, jacking them, and then swimming to shore with them. | ||
| Yeah, to him it was like being at a party and the hors d'oeuvre tray was coming by. | ||
| Oh, I'll get another one of those, please. | ||
| He chased it down. | ||
| I mean, what a terrifying... | ||
| On the third one he was like, you know, I really shouldn't, but okay. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Really wish I saved that video of the tiger running at the guy Because it turns off at the last minute I think they fire a gun and scare it but it's running at him at an impossible rate of speed like you see it running you just It forces your your brain to reprocess how fast you can get out of the way Yeah, I think we like to think like go off something's coming at me, bro. | ||
| I fucking get out of there I run so fast. | ||
| Yeah I always think about a dog or something. | ||
| Even if a coyote came at me, I'm like, punch it in the face. | ||
| It's not just going to sit there and let you punch it in the face. | ||
| Your tough guy kicks in, and then your reality kicks back in. | ||
| Well, that's what people think they can do to each other, too. | ||
| You know, guys are always thinking, yeah, this fucking guy was looking at you. | ||
| I saw him looking at you. | ||
| I'm just gonna go over there and fuck that guy up. | ||
| And you think in your head, well, I got a plan here, and I'm gonna say something, and I'm gonna hit him with one of these, and that's gonna be the end of that. | ||
| And then when it's not, when the guy moves his head and hits you with a jab and kicks you in the balls, you're like, oh no, what have I done? | ||
| Yes, yes, always. | ||
| And then you get beat up by his friends. | ||
| But in your head, you have this thing. | ||
| That tiger's going to run at me, and I'm going to get the fuck out of the way. | ||
| Like the guys that tried to fight Nick Diaz in the bathroom. | ||
| Yeah, what a great idea. | ||
| Fucking smart plan, stupid. | ||
| You know, next time you're going to mouth off to somebody, look at their ears first. | ||
| Just look at his eyes, man. | ||
| He's got scar tissue all over his eyebrows. | ||
| Wouldn't you just assume that that guy's been into... | ||
| Well, they're just drunk dummies. | ||
| You've got a lot of those in this world. | ||
| Yeah, it doesn't make sense. | ||
| Even when I'm drunk, I'm not that stupid. | ||
| That's why you're Russell Peters. | ||
| You're not one of those dummies. | ||
| We need those guys too, Russell. | ||
| It's true. | ||
| We need to balance out the ecosystem. | ||
| For now. | ||
| We just gotta raise the level of dummy, you know, because the level of dummy today, if you take the average dummy, like even those guys that got in a fight with Nick Diaz, if you take those guys and drop them off in the caveman days, they'd be running shit. | ||
| They'd be the smartest guy in the room. | ||
| They'd be able to take, listen, listen, you guys don't know shit, you don't know what you're doing, first of all, we gotta make some shelter, we can't rely on this cave, the bears know where the cave is, okay, come on guys, come with me. | ||
| They'd figure out tools, like you guys haven't even figured out tools yet, we gotta make tools. | ||
| They'd be the foremans, they'd be the foremans. | ||
| If you could get one of those dummies and bring them back to the point before monkey people invented tools, and he could start making tools, he'd be the king, right? | ||
| Well, that's what's happening. | ||
| That was only a million years ago. | ||
| So evolution is not like, all of a sudden, now we're at.10. | ||
| No, there's still people at.6. | ||
| That guy's at.6. | ||
| Yeah, that's whatever. | ||
| People really think evolution is a... | ||
| It's an even playing field. | ||
| Yeah, everyone's like, well, then how come? | ||
| I'm like, because you're an idiot, that's why. | ||
| It's an even playing field. | ||
| Well, people don't want to admit that life isn't fair, you know, in a bunch of different ways. | ||
| It's definitely not fair physically. | ||
| If you think it's fair physically, go try wrestling LeBron James. | ||
| Just grab him. | ||
| Want to feel how helpless you are? | ||
| Just feel what it feels like if a fucking NFL lineman grabs you by your neck. | ||
| Just feel how vulnerable you actually are in relationships to how you appear that you are. | ||
| Or how you think that you are. | ||
| What you envision for yourself. | ||
| This world ain't fair at all. | ||
| People have that... | ||
| What's the fucking word I'm looking for? | ||
| The way they see themselves is not really the way they are. | ||
| You know, when I look in the mirror, I still see a 25-year-old Russell Peters. | ||
| But then, when I get honest with myself, I go, what the fuck happened there, kid? | ||
| You gotta stay drunk. | ||
| Stay drunk and keep moving. | ||
| Sometimes that's the answer. | ||
| A lot of people tell you, introspection, yoga, isolation tank. | ||
| You can go that way. | ||
| Or... | ||
| Stay drunk and keep moving. | ||
| Like, I love people that do both. | ||
| Like, Stan Hope's one of my favorites. | ||
| Stays drunk, keeps moving. | ||
| Same with Hunter Thompson. | ||
| Stay drunk, kept moving. | ||
| You still got your isolation tank? | ||
| Yes, I do. | ||
| How often? | ||
|
unidentified
|
You want to go in it? | |
| I do. | ||
| When? | ||
| I really do. | ||
| Say the word. | ||
| And you tell me whenever you're home. | ||
| Come on over, dude. | ||
| We'll make it happen. | ||
| You're not far from me. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| We'll make it happen, dude. | ||
| You'll love it. | ||
| So relaxing. | ||
| When you get out of there, you go, whoa. | ||
| That's it, huh? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, that's it. | ||
| I really want to do it. | ||
| Body feels real good. | ||
| Loosens up everything. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I need that. | ||
| Just to shut off the world. | ||
| Do you have a spot in your house where you could put one? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Um... | |
| No. | ||
| No? | ||
| Can you build, like, a little shack? | ||
| I could, yeah. | ||
| You should do that. | ||
| I'm going to wait until I move, and then I'll do it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, okay. | |
| Because then I'll have a man cave that I can do with it. | ||
| Ooh, man cave. | ||
| Yeah, you want, ideally, the best move would be if you had a bathroom that you could sacrifice. | ||
| If you had a house, and I know you're... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Baller! | |
| So you're going to get a nice house. | ||
| If you have a house and you could sacrifice one of your bathrooms, set it up in there so that you have the shower that's right there. | ||
| It's already set up for plumbing and all that jazz. | ||
| And have the guys from Float Lab set it up. | ||
| You will value it so much. | ||
| It's such a nice place to just chill and think about shit and reflect. | ||
| How long do you do it? | ||
| The least I do is an hour usually, but I will jump in if I only have 40 minutes. | ||
| And I said, I just want to get in there right now. | ||
| I will jump in and do like 40 minutes if I know I have to go somewhere. | ||
| But honestly, that is contrary to what it's good for. | ||
| What it's good for is like the end of the day for me. | ||
| Like everybody's asleep and I can get in that thing. | ||
| I can just... | ||
| Just totally remove myself. | ||
| Do you fall asleep in there? | ||
| No, never. | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| Maybe you want to jerk off. | ||
| I don't do that. | ||
| But the salt. | ||
| It gets a sting, sting, sting. | ||
| You can, for sure. | ||
| I have a hard time falling asleep laying on my back, though, because I've got sleep apnea. | ||
| So if I did that, I start choking. | ||
| I think I've developed it. | ||
| I know I snore like a motorcycle now. | ||
| Yeah, it's super common, man. | ||
| Super common. | ||
| A lot of people have it. | ||
| It really fucks with your sleep, man. | ||
| You should do something about that. | ||
| Sometimes I'll take an Advil cold and sinus before I go to bed. | ||
| Does it help? | ||
| Yeah, because it opens up my airways. | ||
| You want to take a pill, guys, huh? | ||
| Not really, actually. | ||
| We've got to fix you. | ||
| This is what we're going to do, goddammit. | ||
| First of all, no working out with that Manny Pacquiao trainer anymore. | ||
| The guy's going to break you. | ||
| You need to go to Equinox and get a goddamn regular trainer like a gentleman. | ||
| I just want to get small. | ||
| He was making me big. | ||
| I was way healthier, I guess. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| And now when I laugh, I can feel my core is really good in there. | ||
| But there's a lot of shit on top of this core right now. | ||
| Well, I can help you with that. | ||
| I got a guy I'm going to connect you with. | ||
| If you follow his diet, it will, without a doubt, clean you up. | ||
| We're gonna make that happen, Russell Peters, if you really want to do it. | ||
| My lady loves to cook for me, so she'll cook whatever we tell her to make. | ||
| It's gonna be hard, though. | ||
| The real way to get your body to lose weight is you gotta get off the fucking carbs and the sugar. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| And those are the most addictive things in the world. | ||
| Oh, I know. | ||
| The key is, don't torture yourself relentlessly. | ||
| Like, every now and then, you gotta give yourself a break. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Give yourself a little reward. | ||
| When I was training with Ariza, I would get a one-day cheat day. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| I would go fucking nuts on that day, though. | ||
| What'd you have? | ||
| Oh, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Talk to me. | |
| I would have pizza. | ||
| I went to Tommy's. | ||
| I had chili cheese fries. | ||
| I had double cheeseburgers. | ||
| Like, this isn't one day, you know? | ||
| I was going in. | ||
| Cake, ice cream. | ||
| I went in on everything. | ||
| You know my friend Eddie Bravo, right? | ||
| Of course. | ||
| Eddie Bravo used to be on the Atkins diet. | ||
| And then he went from the Atkins diet every day to he would have like a Sunday and Sunday would be his cheat day. | ||
| And then Sunday started kicking in around Saturday at midnight. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, that's it. | ||
| And so then he said, well, fuck it, man. | ||
| If it's Saturday at midnight, why don't I just do the whole weekend? | ||
| I don't want to worry about this. | ||
| Let me start. | ||
| I'll start it. | ||
| I'll start the cheat day on Friday. | ||
| So he went Friday, Saturday. | ||
| So it was basically four days Atkinson. | ||
| When he did one day, when he did one day, he was legendary with what he would throw down. | ||
| I mean, he would eat stacks of fucking pancakes. | ||
| He would eat bowls of ice cream, cheeseburgers, pizza. | ||
| He would go off. | ||
| I mean, just go off. | ||
| And he would do it with such lust. | ||
| Like a guy who had been depriving himself for six days. | ||
| That's exactly how it was. | ||
| It was very therapeutic. | ||
| Like, what is the most disgust that you ever felt with yourself on a cheat day? | ||
| Oh, that was the first cheat day is when I went in. | ||
| Yeah, I went to IHOP for breakfast and had the country fried steak with scrambled eggs and cheese, and then I had the pancakes, and then later on I had pizza as a snack. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| And then I went to Tommy's, because Five Guys was too far, because I really wanted Five Guys that day. | ||
| Dude, I had chicken fried steak in Montana. | ||
| Would they really know how to make it, like rancher style? | ||
| With that thick gravy? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| It's just so good though. | ||
| It was a glorious cheat meal. | ||
| It was smothered in this luscious gravy. | ||
| See, you don't get that from healthy food. | ||
| No, I know. | ||
| You don't get that feeling. | ||
| There's a crazy carb load feeling that you get. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's a weird warmth. | |
| It's a good warmth. | ||
| A bowl of spaghetti with meatballs? | ||
| Like when you're sucking down that? | ||
| I'm a big fan of the fettuccine alfredo with the chicken, but I usually use penne noodles because I don't want to be slapped in the face with fucking fettuccine noodles. | ||
| That's a good move. | ||
| That's a good move as well. | ||
| I'm particularly fond of linguine with clams with white sauce. | ||
| Done correctly, no can defend. | ||
| There's no takedown defense to the linguine with clams. | ||
| You know what else is really good, man? | ||
| Lobster fra diavolo with linguine. | ||
| I do not know this. | ||
| Oh my goodness. | ||
| You're half a time, you know these things. | ||
| Three quarters. | ||
| Three quarters. | ||
| One quarter Irish. | ||
| Yeah, it's a spicy tomato sauce with lobster and spaghetti. | ||
| Jesus fucking Christ. | ||
| Christ. | ||
| Jesus Christ, Russell Peters. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's so good. | |
| I think you're going to have a cheat day today. | ||
| You have it with garlic bread and you put some Parmesan cheese on top of it. | ||
| Just some grated Parmesan on top of that bitch. | ||
| Damn, that's good. | ||
| It's so good. | ||
| People tell you that you never should put cheese on seafood. | ||
| Like, if you get linguine with clams, they tell you not to put the cheese on. | ||
| And oftentimes, if you go to a proper Italian restaurant, they get mad at you if you try to put cheese on that linguine and clam sauce. | ||
| Those people are assholes. | ||
| They don't know shit. | ||
| Italians are very protective of the way things are done. | ||
| In Toronto, the Italians are first generation, so everybody speaks Italian, and And they are very Italian. | ||
| And I love Italian sandwiches. | ||
| And they get so mad when I walk into the fucking Italian store. | ||
| They're happy to see me at first. | ||
| Hey, hey. | ||
| And then I pick the bread. | ||
| And then they go, what do you want on it? | ||
| I go, ah. | ||
| Do you have any gluten-free pasta? | ||
| No, I go, you're going to get mad. | ||
| I need butter on the bread. | ||
| What? | ||
| And then I go, and then I pick the meats. | ||
| And they're like, all right, that's it. | ||
| And I go. | ||
| Can I get some mayonnaise on that, too? | ||
| Ah, for fuck's sake, you want me to shit on the bread, too? | ||
| They get so mad! | ||
| They literally ask me if you want me to shit on your sandwich, too, because you're fucking it up, kid. | ||
| Well, how can they do that when they're asking you what they like on it? | ||
| That's one way Subway's superior. | ||
| Subway does not give you a hard time for your choices, you know? | ||
| You could just say salami with hot peppers. | ||
| They're like, okay. | ||
| And that's why it's Subway, not Subwayo! | ||
| Oh, this fucking guy! | ||
| But Kevin James and I went to this Italian restaurant once, and we both wanted linguine with clams with the cheese. | ||
| And it was like, are you going to ask for the cheese? | ||
| I'm going to ask for the cheese. | ||
| Okay, I'll ask for the cheese if you ask for the cheese. | ||
| Because they don't want to give it to you. | ||
| They want to give you the linguine with clams, and if you have a dish right next to me... | ||
| Is he training with Eddie, Kevin James? | ||
| Well, he's done a lot of training with Bas Rutten. | ||
| Oh, that's right, with Bas. | ||
| And he did some stuff with Ray Longo. | ||
| Kevin's actually a really accomplished martial artist. | ||
| He's got really good hands, very good kicks. | ||
| He's a real martial artist. | ||
| He's a big guy, but he can fucking hit hard. | ||
| It's kind of surprising. | ||
| If you ever see him hit the bag or hit the pads with Mark Delgrate, it's pretty impressive. | ||
| He doesn't look like a professional fighter, but he's a very competent martial artist. | ||
| But didn't want to ask for that cheese, neither did I. Gotta keep that cheese coming. | ||
| But if you were right next to me and you had spaghetti with red sauce and meatballs, they would offer you the cheese. | ||
| Would you like some cheese? | ||
| So you'd make somebody order that on the side? | ||
| No, you would be right next to me and he would offer you the cheese and they would walk away. | ||
| And I'd be like, what about me? | ||
| And they're like, sir, we do not recommend the cheese for this because it would be too delicious. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You wouldn't be able to handle it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We don't want your euphoria. | ||
| Well, they have a very specific taste that you want to take in. | ||
| They want you to take in the taste of the noodles, the olive oil, the spices, and the clams. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| It's perfection. | ||
| Take it in. | ||
| Take it in like that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Like, no. | ||
| I need to add my own perfection to this perfection. | ||
| I need cheese on this motherfucker. | ||
| You got any ketchup? | ||
| Oh, my daughter. | ||
| My daughter loves the cheese, too, so she'll be like, when I make her a little pasta, she'll be like, Daddy, can I put the cheese? | ||
| And then she takes it and fucking dumps it on there. | ||
| Kids love cheese. | ||
| Tastes good. | ||
| Plus, it's rewarding you in some sort of weird lactose way. | ||
| It's giving you some weird, very slow trickle. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Helping the bones. | |
| Helping the bones. | ||
| Supposedly, right? | ||
| Calcium? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But cheese is way better when it's raw. | ||
| You ever have raw cheese? | ||
| No, I have not. | ||
| I've been getting into raw cheese. | ||
| Like the curds you made? | ||
| No, raw cheese. | ||
| Like get cheese from a place that uses raw milk. | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| I've been getting into that and drinking raw milk. | ||
| I've been drinking a lot of raw milk lately. | ||
| You don't eat goat's milk? | ||
| I have drinking raw goat's milk, but no, just raw cow's milk. | ||
| You can get it from some sustainable farms and some like Air One carries it. | ||
| You drink it cold though, right? | ||
| Yeah, it tastes delicious, dude. | ||
| It's so much better. | ||
| It goes down easier. | ||
| Like, regular milk feels weird. | ||
| And one of the reasons why regular milk feels weird is because it's homogenized and pasteurized, and apparently there's enzymes in milk that when you're boiling the milk to treat it and make it sort of last longer and so it doesn't have any disease in it, you're killing all the good stuff, too. | ||
| So your body's drinking this weird liquidy protein that doesn't exactly know what to do with. | ||
| It's like doing chemotherapy on milk. | ||
| Kills everything. | ||
| A lot of it, yeah. | ||
| In a lot of ways it is, yeah. | ||
| It's just boiling the fuck out of it. | ||
| But when you don't have it that way, when you just have cold, raw milk, it's way better. | ||
| It tastes better. | ||
| It feels smooth when it goes down. | ||
| It's one thing that people comment on when they drink it. | ||
| They're like, wow, it's really smooth. | ||
| Because it's got all the stuff in it that you're supposed to drink. | ||
| And people tell you, like, oh, you're not supposed to drink animal milk. | ||
| Does it smell different? | ||
| No. | ||
| It tastes a little different. | ||
| It tastes better. | ||
| To me, I think it tastes better. | ||
| I mean, some people like low-fat milk. | ||
| I think that shit's disgusting. | ||
| I'd rather just drink water. | ||
| Low-fat milk tastes weird. | ||
| In coffee, I like to put half and half. | ||
| I like that, too. | ||
| This is getting to a what-do-I-like show. | ||
| Yeah, I do like me some. | ||
| Welcome to the Joe Rogan Experience, where we're talking about coffee and things we like in it. | ||
| So back when there was like Milkman delivering milk every day, would it have been... | ||
| And fucking your wife! | ||
| Yeah, that's what I was gonna say. | ||
| That's what they did. | ||
| Maybe raw milk, because they had to do it all the time. | ||
| Oh, it was 100% raw milk, probably. | ||
| I wonder when they came up with the homogenization process. | ||
| Homogination, once they did come up with the pasteurization that's Louis Pasteur, you gotta find that's interesting. | ||
| I wonder how much of that was raw, and how much of it was pasteurized, and when they started doing that on a big scale. | ||
| But it's imperative if you want to keep it on the shelf. | ||
| Like, you're not gonna be able to keep raw milk on the shelf for very long. | ||
| Because I've had it in my house for just a couple of days, and it noticeably goes bad in the refrigerator. | ||
| Not bad to where you can't drink it, but to where it's like, wow, this is on the door of getting funky. | ||
| Sorry kid, I have to text my ex-wife because I gotta pick up my daughter. | ||
| What do you got there, Jamie? | ||
| I found a weird milk, milestones of milk history of the U.S. In 1950, there was milk vending machines. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| But when did they start? | ||
| I was trying to find out. | ||
| There's a lot of first compulsory pasteurization law in Chicago applying to milk, except that from tuberculin-tested cows, 1908. 1908. Tuberculin? | ||
| Hmm. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| Is that tuberculosis? | ||
| Is that brucellosis? | ||
| Is that brucellosis? | ||
| Brucellosis is something that cows get that I know... | ||
| It's like one of the main concerns about different wildlife populations mingling, especially buffalo. | ||
| Like some buffalo have brucellosis and they can get it to cows. | ||
| It says, 1919 homogenized milk was sold successfully for the first time in Connecticut, and then a couple more years passed by before, let's see, first farm bulk tanks for milk began replacing milk cans in 1938, and then every other day milk delivery started in 42, and then it was added to school lunches in 46. Yeah, but when it was in 42, was that homogenized and pasteurized milk when they started? | ||
| Initially as a war conservation measure. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hmm. | |
| I wonder. | ||
| If they do it every day and you have an icebox in your house, you probably don't have to. | ||
| That's kind of crazy, though. | ||
| They relied on a guy to come by with the milk. | ||
| Like, that's how everybody got their milk. | ||
| Also, people's lifespans, life expectancies were a lot shorter back then. | ||
| It was. | ||
| So is this a good thing or a bad thing that we did? | ||
| Um, they were shorter then? | ||
| Is that what you're saying? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, that's because people didn't understand medicine or vitamins. | ||
| True. | ||
| Talking 1930. Yeah. | ||
| They just knocked you over the head when they had to do surgery. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| My dad had scurvy when he was a kid. | ||
| No way. | ||
| For real? | ||
| No, not scurvy. | ||
| Rickets. | ||
| He had rickets. | ||
| Oh, man. | ||
| He had rickets. | ||
| Where does that come from? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Nutrition or something? | ||
| He just had it when he was a baby and then it stunted his growth, so he only became like five at his tallest, maybe 5'3", 5'4". | ||
| I think when we get older in our lifetimes, there's going to come a point in time where they laugh at people being sick or people being injured. | ||
| I think they're going to be able to repair bodies perfectly. | ||
| They're going to be able to regenerate limbs. | ||
| Within the next 50, 100 years, there's probably going to be so many crazy advancements to medical science. | ||
| We're going to look back on injuries and the treatment of injuries the way we do it today. | ||
| Well, that's, I think, you know, once they get that stem cell shit, right? | ||
| Have you had any of that yet? | ||
| No. | ||
| You know, when I was in India last year on tour, this guy gave me some, like, face stuff to put on. | ||
| Give you a facial? | ||
| Yeah, he was really friendly. | ||
| And I just stood there and waited. | ||
| He gave me some sort of oil to rub on my face that had stem cells in it. | ||
| Probably bullshit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And he was like, oh, you're going to see. | ||
| It's going to have an immediate effect. | ||
| Hey, call me, bro. | ||
| I'd love to do business with you. | ||
| And then I did it for like two months. | ||
| And I was like, nope, nothing. | ||
| All it did was give me a couple of pimples. | ||
| That's all it did. | ||
| Yeah, it's probably bullshit. | ||
| The real stem cell shit, they got it injecting you. | ||
| They have to keep it cold. | ||
| Yeah, it didn't do anything for me. | ||
| We're gonna be, I think, the first group of people to see people live, like, deep into the hundreds. | ||
| I think it's gonna be real weird. | ||
| Like, what is a 200-year-old healthy person gonna be like? | ||
| How strange is it gonna be if they really figure out a way to regenerate tissue And keep someone in a relatively healthy state. | ||
| And you get to see, like, the wisdom of someone that's 200, 300 years old. | ||
| Because, like, you're 40, what did you say you were? | ||
| 46. 46. How much smarter are you than when you were 26? | ||
| A whole lot. | ||
| A whole lot, right? | ||
| A whole lot. | ||
|
unidentified
|
A whole lot. | |
| If you lived to be 146, how much smarter would you be than you now? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'd be pretty crazy. | |
| As long as you're coherent. | ||
| What if you looked exactly the same? | ||
| That'd be pretty awesome. | ||
| That'd be strange. | ||
| That'd be strange but awesome. | ||
| Did you feel guilty if you were getting pussy at 146? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nope. | |
| I was getting pussy when I was fighting at 147. Back in the day! | ||
| I think if they can get the HGH thing right and make it cancer-free, I think there's a possibility. | ||
| There's no correlation between HGH and cancer. | ||
| The correlation is between abuse of HGH and some issues and also cancer with a bunch of different factors. | ||
| Environmental factors, factors like diet, factors like heredity. | ||
| There's a bunch of different shit, but there's a concern about That if you are supplementing with human growth hormone and a cancer grows in your body, that it could grow more. | ||
| That is a concern. | ||
| But I don't think there's any real evidence to support that concern that I've ever read. | ||
| But what's interesting about cancer that I've been reading a lot about is when you get your body to... | ||
| If you get your body to a place where it's... | ||
| You stew a bunch of different chemicals that are in the environment, whether it's pollutants or whether it's something that you work with, like people that work around really strong chemicals, people that work with automotive stuff, like all the bondos and epoxies and all that. | ||
| Those people, their cancer numbers, whenever you work with a lot of chemicals, your cancer numbers get crazy high. | ||
| Like that seems to be where the big risk is, is diet and people that work around chemicals. | ||
| There's a lot of people that are out there that they just took a job because it's a good job and it pays well, but you're in like a slow death sentence. | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| That fucking sucks, man. | ||
| That's got to be the weirdest way to make a living, to be trapped in a gig where your very job itself is slowly chewing away your body. | ||
| Well, you were doing comedy in the 90s as well. | ||
| I remember going to clubs for the whole weekend and be full of fucking smoke. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| I remember just leaving gigs. | ||
| You'd fucking reek. | ||
| You couldn't wear the same clothes twice. | ||
| You had to shower as soon as you got back home. | ||
| Oftentimes you didn't realize it until you open up your bag, right? | ||
| Yeah, you open up your clothes, take your clothes out when you got home. | ||
| You're like, what the fuck? | ||
| They just stunk like cigarettes. | ||
| But cigarettes, if you're a waitress, it's the worst. | ||
| Because you're directly in the line of fire with them then. | ||
| And you're there all the time. | ||
| Like in the days when they used to be able to smoke in bars, I bet a lot of chicks got, a lot of waitresses got cancer from secondhand smoke. | ||
| Yeah, I just remember, and the worse the gig, the more the smoke for some reason. | ||
| It's just crazy that wasn't that long ago. | ||
| It really wasn't. | ||
| It wasn't. | ||
| I remember when they banned smoke. | ||
| It must have been around 2000 maybe? | ||
| 99 maybe at the latest. | ||
| Yeah, the weird improvements like that that happened that are pretty goddamn significant at the time. | ||
| People are protesting like, we want to smoke in bars. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We know what we want. | |
| I remember people complaining, saying that pool halls were going to go out of business because they wouldn't allow people to smoke in them anymore. | ||
| People had to stand outside to smoke. | ||
| In the old days, everybody smoked indoors. | ||
| It's a fucking weird, gross habit. | ||
| I remember smoking on planes. | ||
| Remember that? | ||
| You know Fitzsimmons, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Fitzsimmons' parents were chain smokers when he was a kid. | ||
| And they lived in Boston, so it's the winter. | ||
| And the windows are closed, locked down, and they are smoking in the house, chain smoking with the kids. | ||
| Greg gets asthma. | ||
| He's got asthma from this. | ||
| They'd be in the car going on a road trip, smoking in the car, windows... | ||
| My friend's father smoked. | ||
| He would do that shit in the car. | ||
| Wintertime wouldn't roll down the window. | ||
| Fuck it, it's too cold. | ||
| Make everybody breathe your smoke. | ||
| Is there any habit like that where you force the consequences of your habit on other people? | ||
| Maybe alcoholism. | ||
| Imagine if you dated someone and they farted on you so much, your clothes smelled like farts. | ||
| He'd be like, God, she just keeps farting. | ||
| She's always farting on me. | ||
| I like that we blamed it on her. | ||
| Well, I'm saying if you dated someone... | ||
| I'm saying if you dated someone, I mean, I'm assuming you're not dating any dudes. | ||
| No, not anymore. | ||
| But if you were dating a dude, and that dude just farted all over you, you'd come home, you're like, Mike, we can't fuck anymore. | ||
| Every time I take my clothes out of the bag, I smell farts. | ||
| I bring it home, people go, was somebody farting on you? | ||
| Yeah, Mike was farting all over me. | ||
| I'm surprised my lady doesn't smell like farts. | ||
| I rip on her all night while we're sleeping. | ||
| He's addicted to farts. | ||
| And on her leg, too. | ||
| She doesn't even flinch. | ||
|
unidentified
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She doesn't flinch when you fart on her? | |
| She's like, you're alive, huh? | ||
| Wow, you just fart on her? | ||
| Well, it's not like I'm trying to. | ||
| Do you guys talk about it? | ||
| Does it come up? | ||
| She kind of giggles about it. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| She's a trooper. | ||
| She is a trooper. | ||
| Thug life. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's not good. | ||
| Farting on people. | ||
| But it's essentially what people are doing with cigarette smokes, right? | ||
| It was just getting in your clothes and you were smelling like cigarette smoke. | ||
| You were making people smell like what you were into. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And whatever disease you were susceptible to, so are you now. | ||
| It doesn't smell as bad as a fart. | ||
| But it's just... | ||
| It's as obnoxious. | ||
| It's in the neighborhood, right? | ||
| It's like a hard left from a fart, but it's still gross. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But it doesn't smell like shit, right? | ||
| No, a fart is, as George Carlin said, shit without the mess. | ||
| Is that what he said? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Let's end it on that. | ||
| That's the perfect way to end this thing. | ||
| Powerful George Carlin from beyond the grave gets the best line of the show. | ||
| Hilarious. | ||
| Powerful, powerful Russell Peters. | ||
| Thank you very much for coming in here, dude. | ||
| It was fun. | ||
| Thanks, Joe. | ||
| Appreciate it. | ||
| And Indian food. | ||
| We're going to make it happen, right? | ||
| Yeah, definitely. | ||
| The real deal? | ||
| Real deal. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Non-bread? | ||
| Garlic non-bread? | ||
| Is that the real deal or is that American bullshit? | ||
| No, that's North Indian. | ||
| You need to make that right. | ||
| Otherwise, you're getting the North American one. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| You need a special oven for that. | ||
| This podcast is over. | ||
| See you next week, fuckers. |
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