Sept. 22, 2016 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:56:27
Participants
| 
| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
| Boom! | ||
| And we're live just like that. | ||
| That's what I like. | ||
| That's what I like too, man. | ||
| We're sitting here. | ||
| I'm here with George Perez. | ||
| And right when I was coming here, my neighbor right over here just told me there's some black SUVs driving down the street. | ||
| They got battering rams and black helicopters. | ||
| And then Jamie said there's SWAT crews. | ||
| Some shit's going down, George Perez. | ||
| Hey, I tweeted. | ||
| Let people know you're in the area. | ||
| Did you have location services turned on? | ||
| You gotta turn that shit off, man. | ||
| They find you. | ||
| They find you, dude. | ||
| They probably will find you. | ||
| They probably do. | ||
| That's why Ari... | ||
| I'm convinced. | ||
| That's why Ari Shaffir went to a flip phone. | ||
| He doesn't want that GPS on him. | ||
| He doesn't want them tracking him. | ||
| With all his mushroom drops that he leaves everywhere. | ||
| So there's something going on. | ||
| So while this podcast is happening, some shit is going on very close to us here. | ||
| We're in Woodland Hills. | ||
| So somewhere in this area. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Somewhere in the 818. I was nervous coming over here because of the area. | |
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, I haven't been here since like 98. Is this a fucked up area? | ||
| Well, we used to sell speed to people in Reseda. | ||
| So I remember they were like, don't turn right. | ||
| Do not go that way. | ||
| Like you don't want to go back to see what you planted. | ||
| Oh, it's here. | ||
| See how it grew. | ||
| It's here. | ||
| Speed is a weird one, man. | ||
| You know, they had this statistic the other day on how many fucking people are on Adderall. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| Which is just speed. | ||
| It's just fucking speed. | ||
| There's a statistic that I posted yesterday that's the most disturbing one, though. | ||
| Rhonda Patrick, Dr. Rhonda Patrick put it up. | ||
| There's more people on pain pills today than use tobacco. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck. | |
| Think about that. | ||
| That's how crazy the pain pill business has gotten. | ||
| Think about all the dip, all the people that chew, all the people that smoke cigars and cigarettes, all that combined, there's more people on pain pills. | ||
| And it's weird because they took cigarettes away from baseball. | ||
| Remember they used to smoke in the 80s? | ||
| You could smoke in baseball and you could dip. | ||
| I don't remember. | ||
| I remember you could dip. | ||
| You can't dip anymore? | ||
| No. | ||
| No, nothing. | ||
| I mean, I don't know about professional. | ||
| I know you can't dip in college, but they used to smoke cigarettes in the games, in the dugouts. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And I only know because sometimes I stay up late and I watch ESPN and I'm like, oh shit, you could smoke back then. | ||
| So you watch like an old game and they'll show them still smoking? | ||
| It was like ESPN has classics and it was like a classics like World Series and I think it was Reggie Jackson smoking in the dugout. | ||
| Look at that right there. | ||
| Keith Hernandez enjoys a dugout cigarette. | ||
| What year is that from, Jamie? | ||
| It says 19-something, 87. 1987 game. | ||
| Yeah, they used to smoke cigarettes. | ||
| And then spit. | ||
| They were always chewing and spitting. | ||
| And now they're popping pills and getting concussions. | ||
| Well, they definitely are popping pills. | ||
| Apparently that's another big problem. | ||
| Adderall's a big problem with baseball because it helps them focus and concentrate on hitting the ball better. | ||
| That's just fucking crazy to me, how they prescribe you speed to get smarter. | ||
| Yeah, well, it accelerates... | ||
| Well, apparently, when... | ||
| Who's is that? | ||
| Is that me? | ||
| That's not me. | ||
| Did I ding? | ||
| Somebody ding. | ||
| When you have ADD... Which is real debatable whether or not that shit's real. | ||
| Or how many people actually... | ||
| I mean, is it just people with energy? | ||
| Is it just people who are bored? | ||
| They don't want to concentrate on whatever the fuck you want them to concentrate on? | ||
| I mean, I don't exactly know what ADD really is, because I think it's severely over-prescribed by everyone's measures. | ||
| But when you have it, when you give them speed, it helps them calm down somehow or another. | ||
| I don't get it. | ||
| Yeah, that's... | ||
| It must be like a focus speed they give or like a special something they found in there because I'm back in my days when I did speed I couldn't focus on shit. | ||
| Maybe that's because you don't have it though because you don't have ADD, whatever that means. | ||
| But if ADD doesn't exist and maybe it's just something that makes everybody focus. | ||
| Well, I think ADD most likely is There's a bunch of behaviors. | ||
| There's a bunch of different ways people behave, and there's a bunch of ways their mind works. | ||
| And some people, they like to stay calm and focus on one thing, and they like peace and quiet. | ||
| And other people are scattered as fuck, and they're thinking about a million different things, and they can't concentrate. | ||
| Speed, apparently, for those people, helps them concentrate. | ||
| But the question is, if someone is... | ||
| I had a next-door neighbor. | ||
| And this next-door neighbor, his kid was just a regular fucking kid, and they put the kid on Prozac. | ||
| It was really weird, man. | ||
| They were like, oh, you can't concentrate. | ||
| He's all over the place. | ||
| So we put him on... | ||
| And I couldn't even talk to the dude. | ||
| I was just like, this is crazy. | ||
| You're medicating a... | ||
| He's like an eight or nine-year-old kid. | ||
| He's just a fucking kid. | ||
| Most kids, when they go to school, they don't want to pay attention to whatever the fuck the teacher's talking about. | ||
| No, I would have got prescribed, or what's that shit called, diagnosed? | ||
| I would have got diagnosed as a kindergarten. | ||
| Yeah, I think I would have too, for sure. | ||
| If I had that guy for a dad, he definitely would have put me on some medication. | ||
| That's weird. | ||
| I remember the first time I heard of ADD, like, I thought it was a gang. | ||
| And I was like, do we get along with those fools? | ||
| And they were like, nah, foe, it's a focusing shit. | ||
| And I was just like, oh, oh, what the hell? | ||
| A focusing shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So the kind of speed that you would sell these people out here, like, what kind of speed was that? | ||
| Back then, it used to be called Crank. | ||
| Remember Crank? | ||
| Ah, I do remember Crank. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What is Crank? | |
| What is that? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I think crank is just like the best part of the Strychnine because it's made out of Strychnine. | ||
| Am I right? | ||
| The best part of poison. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And we used to sell a peanut butter one. | ||
| It was a peanut butter one. | ||
| It was weird because like back in those days, Speed had a taste that was just like awful. | ||
| It was like rotten cactus cooler. | ||
| That's what it tasted like. | ||
| Like a rotten cactus cooler. | ||
| You ever left the cactus cooler out? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And so it was made with a peanut butter taste? | ||
| It was weird, yeah. | ||
| I mean, I don't remember who we were getting it from. | ||
| I just remember the guy going, because we used to hit it out of a bong. | ||
| So, dude, we were crazy. | ||
| And I'd be like, fuck, this shit tastes like peanut butter. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| So yeah, I started focusing on peanut butter sandwiches. | ||
| You focused. | ||
| That's so bizarre. | ||
| So when you would do that back then, you would have to, like, how do you get into the speed business? | ||
| Like, you'd have to find somebody who's cooking it? | ||
| Yeah, I mean, yeah, it was weird because I'm like, what, 20 years old? | ||
| I just left my lady for being a tweaker, like a crazy one. | ||
| And then it just got me involved to be like, no, fuck this. | ||
| I need to make money. | ||
| I need to make money. | ||
| And my buddies, go ahead. | ||
| So she was a crazy tweaker. | ||
| She was hardcore. | ||
| Like, still to this day. | ||
| Still alive? | ||
| Dude, she has seven kids from six guys. | ||
| Oh, good kid. | ||
| And she's that kind of girl that's just pretty where a guy will be like, I'll pay for whatever you want. | ||
| And she's with it. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| I'm just happy I was the first one and I got out. | ||
| Oh, man. | ||
| Man. | ||
| That's a weird one, right? | ||
| People that are on speed. | ||
| I hung out with a dude recently that was on speed. | ||
| I didn't want to admit he was on speed, but you could tell because he would do things like he was saying it, we were talking. | ||
| And he'd turn, like, real quick. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And then he'd, like, kind of collect himself and turn real quick. | ||
| And, like, me and a couple of my buddies were like, why is he moving so fast and then trying to calm himself down? | ||
| And, like, he was driving us, and when he was driving, he would make, like, these quick turns. | ||
| I mean, I would look at the way he was turning. | ||
| It was like he heard a loud noise. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, for everything he did. | ||
| Well, your senses are up. | ||
| Your senses are up. | ||
| You're alert to anything and everything. | ||
| It's up. | ||
| I mean, Hitler gave it to his troops, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They say he invented it. | ||
| I don't know if that's true. | ||
| I think it was invented during that time. | ||
| I don't think it was Hitler. | ||
| I think Hitler was in the lab. | ||
| I've got it! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| The way to rule the world! | ||
| That's why his mustache is so little. | ||
| I gotta keep this mustache tight! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Tight and clean! | |
| No, I think they invented it during that era, and I know they gave it to the kamikazes, too. | ||
| That's how they got the kamikazes, to fly those planes into battleships. | ||
| They were just jacked up on meth. | ||
| That's fucking crazy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| A little meth speed, you know, all that stuff. | ||
| It's just... | ||
| Just those accelerants, any of those things that just, they fuck with your judgment. | ||
| I remember there was this, I believe it was GQ, I was reading this article about this guy who was a lawyer, and he was this real successful lawyer, and he got involved somehow or another with a client that was a meth dealer. | ||
| And so then all of a sudden he starts getting into the meth business. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, wow. | |
| I just realized there's a lot of fucking money in this. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| And I guess he started doing meth and then he started selling meth. | ||
| And then one of the things they say is when you do a lot of meth, you start making like really poor judgment calls. | ||
| You're like, oh, this is fine. | ||
| This is fine. | ||
| This is going to work. | ||
| So he started stockpiling meth in his fucking basement. | ||
| Like, just it would stank. | ||
| You open the door to his basement, like, what the fuck is down there? | ||
| Just big paint buckets filled with meth everywhere. | ||
| And that can burn your body. | ||
| It'll, like, jack you up. | ||
| If you put it on your skin, it'll burn through within... | ||
| An hour. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Yeah, that's why those guys have those, they touch it when they cut it up, and then they touch their face. | ||
| And that's how they get those holes in their face. | ||
| I thought they started itching, like they would start scratching themselves, right? | ||
| No, it's the touch. | ||
| And then the touch becomes the crater of the pimple, then they... | ||
| They start picking at that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I had a buddy, he'd walk around with like band-aids everywhere. | ||
| Oh, man. | ||
| I was like, fuck, dude, you need to chill. | ||
| So this girl was all hopped up. | ||
| My baby's mom? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The girl when you were 20. Yep. | ||
| But back then I belonged to a gang and like every gang has their hustle. | ||
| Some gangs sell wax, some gangs sell weed, some gangs sell guns. | ||
| Ours was speed. | ||
| That was our hustle. | ||
| Somebody was fucking somebody that could have got it and we got it. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah, but it was weird because this is like 1998. So I remember we drove like a... | ||
| You remember when the Thunderbird, the Ford car was cool? | ||
| Yeah, the new one, right? | ||
| But it was in 1998. Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, I remember we had one and we were just like, yeah. | ||
| Those were dope. | ||
| Bitches from the 818. And yeah, it was fucking fun. | ||
| You know what's weird about speed is when I was in prison, you could tell that these people are still tweakers because you know how you light a lighter? | ||
| Your thumb goes down and then when you hit the pipe, you spin your finger in this way. | ||
| So that's how you're hitting a speed pipe because you're spinning it. | ||
| I used to play handball with this guy and he would do it every fucking time. | ||
| He would just spin his hand and light the lighter. | ||
| Oh, he would make the movements with his fingers while he was playing handball? | ||
| I'm like, hey dog, we call it bomb. | ||
| Hey, you do bomb? | ||
| He's like, well, you got some? | ||
| I haven't done it in two years. | ||
| I was like, fuck! | ||
| We used to make fun of him. | ||
| Like, hey, don't hit the pipe. | ||
| Serve the ball. | ||
| So for two years later, he's still making those motions? | ||
| Your body craves it. | ||
| You can see it in people. | ||
| Their body is just like, I need that motion. | ||
| Notice, when you see people doing the spinning with the lighter, they're tweakers. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| That's like something I discovered. | ||
| You noticed it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Pattern recognition. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, it's amazing that two years out, he was still wanting it. | ||
| No, in prison. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, two years away from it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, fiending it. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Fiending. | ||
| Couldn't wait. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| See, that's a guy that just can't get it. | ||
| It's not like he's gotten sober. | ||
| He just can't get it. | ||
| Yeah, there's a lot of those guys. | ||
| I mean like there's a lot of people that when they go to prison They're not druggies because to be a druggie in prison is to be looked frowned upon So you're a man in there and when you're in there, you're like fuck that. | ||
| I'm gonna work out I'm gonna be strong and then when you get out it's temptation. | ||
| You're good-looking. | ||
| You're healthy again. | ||
| You're getting it That's that's the weird part of prison So most of the guys, so when a guy's a junkie and he goes into prison, do they try to clean up or do they try to get it? | ||
| Well, you have to clean up because if you don't clean up, they're going to call you a J-cat. | ||
| A J-cat is like equivalent of a bum. | ||
| But in prison, if you're a J-cat, you're going to get picked on. | ||
| People are going to laugh at you. | ||
| You want to be clean and healthy. | ||
| Really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| That's interesting because that's like contrary to what a lot of people would think about prison. | ||
| They would think, you know, you go to prison, you gave up hope, and now you just let yourself go and... | ||
| I mean, that's what you think because you're out there, but when you're in there, you notice people look at you and you want people to... | ||
| Like, I used to look at fools on drugs and be like, look at this fucking dude. | ||
| Alright, yeah, here's a soap. | ||
| I know you don't got money because you're wasting it on everything. | ||
| Here's a soup. | ||
| I wanted to be that guy that was just, oh, look it, you know, homie's clean, he takes care of himself, he's a man of his word, and that's what people want, is when you get out. | ||
| It's there. | ||
| Is that, like, one of the bigger misconceptions about prison? | ||
| Like, when you talk to people that haven't been to prison and don't know anything about prison, what do you think are, like, the big misconceptions? | ||
| The big misconception is, uh, do you get fucked in the ass? | ||
| Do you get raped? | ||
| That's the big one, right? | ||
| Yeah, and I'm like, that shit is not even allowed. | ||
| Like, you'll get killed for that shit. | ||
| Because everyone's watching Gangland, and they're watching, um... | ||
| What's that? | ||
| Lockup MSNBC? Yeah. | ||
| And those are only protective custody yards. | ||
| They're never interviewing a real prison yard where the shit's Rules are rules. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| You don't make them, you don't break them. | ||
| You follow them. | ||
| So, like, when you see that, you ever watch that, I think it was Locked Up, they had that dude who was the booty bandit. | ||
| You ever see that one? | ||
| And I was like, I was watching that, I was like, how much of that guy is, like, just making shit up? | ||
| Yeah, like, there are stories they used to make up. | ||
| This guy used to tell me, hey, dawg, back in the days, there was this black guy in Corcoran, and if you fucked up, the guards would throw you in his cell. | ||
| And they used to call him Purple Passion. | ||
| And they said he used to rip fools apart. | ||
| And I was like, what the fuck? | ||
| In my head, I was like, I'll bite him. | ||
| I'll do whatever. | ||
| I was like, no. | ||
| No, yeah. | ||
| And the other thing is that we work all day and we break rocks and shit. | ||
| Yes, no. | ||
| Like, let me give you a, say me and you're a sellies, and usually have a job. | ||
| That job gives you 13 to 38 cents an hour. | ||
| I was a butcher, so I had the highest paying job. | ||
| You would have been a butcher too, so we would get up at 4 o'clock, take a shower, clean our room, clean our cell, we'd go to work, come back, then eat with our people, go to yard, Fuck around for a little bit. | ||
| Try to find a cigarette or something. | ||
| Go back to yard. | ||
| And then boom. | ||
| Come back to the cell and like... | ||
| That's it. | ||
| It's like a program, another life. | ||
| I took college courses in there. | ||
| I was a janitor. | ||
| It's fucking crazy. | ||
| I can just sit back and be like, fuck, man. | ||
| Sometimes I miss it. | ||
| I'm just like, I wish I was on the yard working out with these guys and playing basketball. | ||
| Because the camaraderie of like, oh, it was just awesome. | ||
| That's so crazy. | ||
| So it was fun sometimes. | ||
| Fuck yeah. | ||
| Really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck yeah. | |
| It was fun until like 12 o'clock hit or 9 o'clock hit and I'm like fuck I want to go do a spot. | ||
| Get me the fuck out of here. | ||
| And then I'm just like I can't go home. | ||
| I can't go home. | ||
| I can't go home. | ||
| And then my last prison there was a park like 50 yards away from us. | ||
| And you're just looking out the window like, fuck, I want to go play the catch. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So there was moments that was fun, but ultimately, the big thing is the lack of freedom. | ||
| You can have fun while you're there, but you can't choose what you can do. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, lack of freedom. | ||
| And then, you know, prison cops are completely different from cops on the street. | ||
| They're called correctional officers. | ||
| And in there, there's a respect. | ||
| Like, when they see you, hey, good morning, how you doing today? | ||
| Everybody gets a good morning, and if you know if you're fucking up his program to make him go out of his way, it's your fault. | ||
| But, if he wants to be testy, then you gotta do what you gotta do. | ||
| If he wants to be testy, like how? | ||
| Like, you know, there's these cops that go in there and they... | ||
| They've had a problem. | ||
| You know, I can see why racism exists in prison because maybe there's this cop that came from Soledad and now he's going to another prison and the only reason he left Soledad is because all the Mexicans jumped his ass. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So he's going to have a little like... | |
| All right, motherfuckers, you got me over there. | ||
| Yeah, it's weird. | ||
| They transfer them like that. | ||
| And then like if you don't jump in, I've seen cops talk shit on other cops. | ||
| Like, oh, fuck that fool. | ||
| There was a riot. | ||
| He didn't do shit. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| So it's a lot like prisoners in some way. | ||
| Yeah, they are too because they're there 18 hours a day or 12. I mean, they just get to go home. | ||
| They do that long a shift? | ||
| Yeah, it's a 12-hour shift. | ||
| Why they do such a long shift? | ||
| That's their union. | ||
| They get a lot of hours. | ||
| But they only work four days a week. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| That's probably better. | ||
| I'd probably rather work 12 hours a day, four days a week, than eight hours a day. | ||
| Yeah, fuck that. | ||
| Five days. | ||
| Have that whole extra day to do whatever the fuck you want to do. | ||
| I feel like your day's kind of wrecked anyway when you work eight hours. | ||
| It's hard to get anything in. | ||
| Yeah, I used to be a construction worker before this, and I hated that shit. | ||
| Before comedy? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I did construction when I was a kid. | ||
| My stepfather was an architect, so I got a lot of jobs on construction sites. | ||
| I just remember being exhausted. | ||
| That was the thing that I remember most. | ||
| Was it like residential or housing tracks? | ||
| Most of it was residential, but occasionally we did a nights at Columbus Hall. | ||
| I was working with my friend Jimmy and his boss. | ||
| It was a different construction company. | ||
| But that was the hardest job I ever had in my life because all I did the whole summer was I only survived for a couple weeks. | ||
| I quit. | ||
| I was like, I can't do this anymore. | ||
| I was carrying cement bags and pressure-treated lumber all day. | ||
| I was 19. I remember thinking it was so motivating because I was thinking like, this is not gonna work. | ||
| I can't do this for my life. | ||
| I was 19. You're at the peak of your energy. | ||
| And it was in the summer, so it was hot. | ||
| It was Boston, so it was muggy. | ||
| Were you bald? | ||
| No. | ||
| You didn't have a shaved head or nothing? | ||
| No, no, not back then. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Because the sun beats your ass. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I had a beautiful head of hair back then. | ||
| Oh, it was lovely. | ||
| But all day, carrying bags of cement and pressure-treated lumber, which is heavy as fuck. | ||
| And then you get these splinters in your hand. | ||
| They get all infected because the pressure-treated lumber has some sort of chemicals in it. | ||
| Yeah, it has something so the board doesn't bend because the board bends with the sun. | ||
| Yeah, it was brutal. | ||
| But I remember thinking, this is a good lesson. | ||
| Because I used to think, I'll just get a good job, work all day, then after work, I'll do whatever the fuck I want to do. | ||
| But I remember thinking, nope, that's not going to work. | ||
| You're not going to have any fucking energy. | ||
| You're not going to have any energy. | ||
| Yeah, I used to be a cement finisher. | ||
| That was some shit. | ||
| We used to do curb and gutter, but we'd do it out of a machine. | ||
| Have you ever seen those curb machines? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| Yeah, it was a Gomeco. | ||
| I remember, a 1500. We used to pour 40 fucking trucks a day. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| It was weird. | ||
| My boss would look at me like if I was a Mexican. | ||
| He didn't know I was a citizen. | ||
| So I'd be like, hey dog, we're pouring 40 trucks and they're pouring 20. Why are they making as much money as us? | ||
| He'd be like, let's go back over there. | ||
| Get out of here. | ||
| I'd be like, hey, I'm a fucking citizen, dog. | ||
| My name starts with a G. Like, come on. | ||
| And we were union. | ||
| So it was, yeah, I got out of it. | ||
| That's the thing about California. | ||
| California. | ||
| In general, that a lot of people don't realize, the massive amount of illegal aliens. | ||
| That's why I always laugh when they say, well, there's 18 million people in the greater Los Angeles area. | ||
| I'm like, plus Mexicans. | ||
| Try to do the calculation. | ||
| You don't know what that number is. | ||
| Nobody knows. | ||
| It's a total guess. | ||
| That would be like the guess of guesses. | ||
| Yeah, how the fuck could they know? | ||
| That should be the lottery. | ||
| If you can guess how many illegal immigrants are in, you win the lottery. | ||
| Yeah, you get a dollar for everyone. | ||
| That would be insane. | ||
| Yeah, this is probably, I don't know. | ||
| I mean, I would just guess it would be millions, right? | ||
| It'd have to be. | ||
| It's so easy to go over here. | ||
| And that's just Mexicans. | ||
| You're missing Russians. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Canadians. | ||
| Yeah, Canadians. | ||
| A lot of illegal Canadians, because they blend right the fuck in. | ||
| So they say about, you have no idea. | ||
| And they're like, about? | ||
| And they're like, what? | ||
| We got one. | ||
| We found them. | ||
| How long were you in prison for? | ||
| I did three years. | ||
| Two years, eleven months, so they just say three. | ||
| Tell me a story about it, because you were telling me at the Comedy Store. | ||
| It's kind of a fucked up story. | ||
| Yeah, so, you know, before I was a comedian, I was a gangster, and I did construction, and then I used to play sports. | ||
| I was real good in basketball. | ||
| And I was playing at the park. | ||
| And you know, basketball's a sport that's very physical. | ||
| You know, when you back someone in at the park, there's no ref. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So this fool's backing me in and trying to muscle me. | ||
| So I'm like, all right. | ||
| I go around him and I steal the ball and it's all foul. | ||
| I'm like, all right, here you go. | ||
| Take it. | ||
| So now me and him get physical and he elbows me. | ||
| And I had to check myself. | ||
| Like, hold up. | ||
| Like, you're in my... | ||
| This is how I used to think back then, Joe. | ||
| I'm like, you're in my city. | ||
| I got jumped into my gang at this park. | ||
| How am I gonna let you elbow me? | ||
| So, I socked him. | ||
| And we went at it, and I beat his ass. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bad. | |
| Like, you ever fight someone that, like, they don't stop? | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Like, I mean, I'm sorry, like, a lot of people look at me like, no, I've never had that problem. | ||
| I'm like, this guy wanted to kick my ass, but I didn't want to hurt him, so I just drop him and I throw him to the floor. | ||
| Need a mug, Jamie. | ||
| Yeah, man, there's some people that won't fucking quit, even if you're beating their ass. | ||
| Those people are dangerous. | ||
| Fuck yeah. | ||
| So this is the funny part, is I left him. | ||
| I beat his ass and ran to my car. | ||
| I was like, I need to go. | ||
| So I get in my car. | ||
| I get to my car and I take off. | ||
| Alright, cool. | ||
| I become a comedian maybe like a year and a half later. | ||
| I become a comic. | ||
| Trying, you know what I mean? | ||
| Like, you know, everyone says, well, I'm a comic. | ||
| I've gone up four or five times. | ||
| Like, you know, I'm trying to be a comic. | ||
| And, uh... | ||
| I get a good break. | ||
| Jeff Garcia. | ||
| Good guy, man. | ||
| Picks me up. | ||
| He goes, hey, you're my new opener. | ||
| I'm like, fuck. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Alright. | |
| So it's like four months into comedy and I'm doing the improv. | ||
| Not even knowing. | ||
| I'm just like talking to the crowd. | ||
| What's going on? | ||
| I'm probably like the best trollo salesman making people laugh. | ||
| That's all I'm doing. | ||
| No, I don't even know jokes yet. | ||
| I'm trying them. | ||
| Then I get jokes, and then I'm good at roasting, and MTV Your Mama comes out, and I get picked up for that show, and I win my first episode. | ||
| Fucking guy that I beat up sees me on TV, and he's like, oh shit, cash, money, this fool gots money! | ||
| So, this is the crazy part, is a lot of people say, oh, there's Statue of Limitations and all that. | ||
| Since it's a John Doe crime, it doesn't have it. | ||
| If you don't know who beat you up, You don't have a limit of restrictions. | ||
| So until they find out who beat you up, then the statute of limitations kicks in. | ||
| I don't even know. | ||
| That's how horrible my lawyer was. | ||
| Wow, that seems crazy. | ||
| So if you beat somebody up 50 years ago and they just found out your name, they could still sue you or take you to jail? | ||
| I don't, yeah. | ||
| I mean, I think it's, I don't know, probably like five. | ||
| So what year is this when this is all going on? | ||
| 2004? | ||
| 2000? | ||
| No, this is 2002. 2003. Because I fought it for two years. | ||
| Because my brother bailed me out. | ||
| I was still filming MTV. Wow. | ||
| So my brother bails me out. | ||
| He's like, alright, check this out. | ||
| Got me a lawyer and all the crap. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| I remember just going to court, dude. | ||
| Just that whole, like, what the hell is going on? | ||
| I stopped. | ||
| Like, I'm not... | ||
| They offered me eight years. | ||
| They're like, look, take eight years because he has a great bodily injury. | ||
| This guy that I beat up, he has a metal plate and he's all fucked up. | ||
| And they're like, take eight years. | ||
| And I was like... | ||
| So a metal plate in his cheek? | ||
| Yeah, right here. | ||
| Orbital fracture? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh shit. | ||
| I see a lot of those. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Yeah, I mean I caught them good. | ||
| Yeah, like I think I caught them like just perfect punch. | ||
| Yeah, well all this stuff around the eyes breaks pretty easy. | ||
| All this stuff. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Orbital stuff. | ||
| It's super common in MMA especially. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| It was weird because they were trying to say I used a weapon. | ||
| They're like, there's no way you could have done that. | ||
| And I was like, that's crazy. | ||
| Yeah, I was like, I didn't use a weapon. | ||
| So... | ||
| I bail out. | ||
| I'm doing a comic. | ||
| Being a dad. | ||
| I think I'm gonna win this case. | ||
| That's the funny part. | ||
| Because I was like, dude, nobody was there. | ||
| Nobody's seen me. | ||
| Did you admit that you beat him up? | ||
| No. | ||
| See, I couldn't even take the stand. | ||
| Because I already knew if I take the stand, that makes me look like a snitch. | ||
| And I'm not gonna go into prison. | ||
| So if you take the stand and talk about the fight, it makes you look like a snitch? | ||
| Yeah, because you're like, he started it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He did it. | |
| It's just the, you know, it's the politics of I had to accept the fact where I was coming from and it was the punishment. | ||
| That was like when I started realizing in my head, like, all right, dog, you chose this. | ||
| Now you have to accept this. | ||
| You're not going to be one of those guys that says, oh, rats, I'm out, and you get away with it. | ||
| No. | ||
| So, I didn't take the stand, and I lost. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Well, if you did take the stand, what could you possibly have said? | ||
| I think I would have incriminated myself. | ||
| Because, I mean, in my head, I remember like... | ||
| Fuck, you've never been to court. | ||
| When you go to court, they assign a jury. | ||
| And when you go, they give you a lunch break and you go eat. | ||
| My stupid ass went and ate where the jury was eating. | ||
| And I could tell the way they were looking at me. | ||
| Because I'm in a suit. | ||
| When I go to Burger King, I take my suit off. | ||
| I'm like, fuck this. | ||
| I'm all tatted up. | ||
| They're like, look at this guy. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Like they just threw judgment on me and I remember my brother telling me, you look like you had no remorse. | ||
| You were in there laughing in court. | ||
| And I was just like, fuck, I didn't know. | ||
| I didn't know. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Like, fuck it. | ||
| Yeah, it's, court cases I would imagine would be so difficult too because no one wants to do fucking jury duty. | ||
| My friend Andreas Antonopoulos, who was here the other day, was talking about how he got out of jury duty by just explaining how much he knows about the judicial system, how corrupt he thinks it is, and how fucked up he thinks it is, and they were like, get out of here. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Just kicked him out. | ||
| Nobody wants to do jury duty. | ||
| Especially if you like your job, and you do something that you enjoy, now you're going to spend eight hours a day... | ||
| Trying to deliberate and figure out... | ||
| People make such quick judgments. | ||
| I think it's a terrible way to decide whether or not someone's guilty or innocent. | ||
| Yeah, you're exactly right. | ||
| And it's weird because the jury, I think they wanted it. | ||
| It was a weird... | ||
| It was like an ex-cop. | ||
| I was like, why did you let this ex-cop get on the panel? | ||
| I'm already guilty because of my look. | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| You know? | ||
| It's like, imagine if these cops that are shooting people, the whole panel is prisoners. | ||
| Yeah, that would be hilarious. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Yeah, good luck. | ||
| So yeah, so... | ||
| All right, Joe, check this out. | ||
| So now I'm out. | ||
| I think I'm gonna win it. | ||
| Boom. | ||
| Joey Diaz calls me up. | ||
| Hey, we're gonna do Showtime. | ||
| Payaso Comedy Slam. | ||
| I was like, what the fuck? | ||
| He gets me on Payaso Comedy Slam. | ||
| So I get on Showtime. | ||
| I did Comedy Central. | ||
| I did like a sketch comedy. | ||
| And then I go to court. | ||
| Boom. | ||
| I lose. | ||
| And usually when you lose, they let you go home. | ||
| All right, you know, come back. | ||
| But since there was a high-risk inmate now, they took me right there, like from court in a suit, straight to the holding tank. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ooh. | |
| Yeah, that was a shock. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ooh. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| And my showtime hasn't even come out yet. | ||
| I haven't even seen this thing. | ||
| So it's like everything I worked for got took. | ||
| That's how I looked at it at that time. | ||
| I won't forget that day. | ||
| I walked down there. | ||
| I had this fucking suit on. | ||
| I remember everybody looking at me like, damn, this fool's a baller. | ||
| I was like, no, I just lost my case. | ||
| I wasn't on the street. | ||
| And then from there, you go to the county because now they got to give you a sentencing. | ||
| A judge has to come up with a sentence. | ||
| Are you kind of familiar with this? | ||
| So, a month in the county jail, a riot breaks out. | ||
| Now, I have to involve myself. | ||
| I know where I'm at. | ||
| I know what's going on. | ||
| So, now they put me in the hole, and I got to go to court to get sentenced. | ||
| So, you have to involve yourself. | ||
| I mean, you have to pick a side. | ||
| You have to fight. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What's the riot about? | ||
| Uh... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I just seen my people fighting other people and you don't ask questions. | ||
| There's no questions to be asked. | ||
| And let me give you a picture of what's going on. | ||
| It's like a huge... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck. | |
| It's kind of like a... | ||
| It's on MSNBC where they got all the cells on top and on the bottom. | ||
| We call it the bubble where the police are. | ||
| It's a big bubble. | ||
| And there was a riot happening like all on the whole other side. | ||
| So we had to run down there and then they come in and they shoot you with paintball guns, but they have like peppermint, not peppermint, pepper spray in them. | ||
| They're shooting you with paintball guns, pepper spray, block guns, rubber band, all that shit's flying off in there. | ||
| And you're trying to run back to your bunk. | ||
| The only way to get out of a riot is to show, they look at everybody's hands and they say, hey, no, your hands are marked. | ||
| Any mark you have, you're going to the hole. | ||
| So have your marks on your hands and indicate that you punched somebody? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Even if you got punched. | ||
| Gotta throw elbows. | ||
| Yeah, you don't do that in there. | ||
| No, it gets crazy, man. | ||
| Like, some people will throw hot water on you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ooh. | |
| Yeah, it's all out for everybody. | ||
| This is just a county. | ||
| And did you ever find out what the riot was about? | ||
| No. | ||
| You don't ask questions. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah, the more questions you ask, the more, like, people want to, oh, you want to find out who did it? | ||
| All right, Mr. Investigator, come on, we got something for you. | ||
| So I just, I stay quiet. | ||
| No, all right. | ||
| I was just like, hey, I was there. | ||
| Cool, cool, cool. | ||
| So you just knew what you had to do. | ||
| You knew what your role had to be in order to stay safe. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Dude, I've heard other stories from other inmates that are like, yeah, dog, I went to Chino and there was a riot going on. | ||
| And I told myself, fuck, if I don't get in this, I'm going to have to pay. | ||
| He's like, I just ran and I jumped into it and he got stabbed. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| But he goes, hey, dog, I got my stripes. | ||
| I was like, wow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What is a stripe? | ||
| What do you mean by stripes? | ||
| Well, stripes is kind of like a saying, like, you know, this homie's down, this guy's down. | ||
| I don't know how other racers do it, but like, you know, it's like, hey, I've been with this fool in a yard. | ||
| He's down for his, you know? | ||
| Because you want to be by someone that you're in there to protect your life. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So you want to be with people like that. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| I mean, you're trying to go home and better yourself. | ||
| But at the end of the day, nah. | ||
| So in a lot of ways, like with a riot, you want someone that's like a soldier. | ||
| You don't want a soldier asking the sergeant, hey, sergeant, what is the plan? | ||
| Why are we doing this? | ||
| Do we know who these people are? | ||
| What do they do to us? | ||
| Is this right? | ||
| Is there HR? You want, sir, yes, sir! | ||
| That's what you want. | ||
| You want someone who's just going to go. | ||
| But in there, it's just... | ||
| You know any little disrespect can trigger and start anything and you just have to follow suit Like if you're my cellie and the cop pushes or punches you I have to jump in for you no matter even if I'm going home that fucking day Oh Or the next day it goes down. | ||
| You have to it's just what it is So the riot breaks out you get involved in the riot you get thrown in the hole and then what happens? | ||
| I'm in the hole Man, the hole's fucking horrible. | ||
| I get staph on my fucking ass on the side because they only gave me one bar of soap and I was in there for like 28 days. | ||
| And then I remember I was cleaning my toilet with it in my room with the soap and then I ran out so I was just taking showers with water. | ||
| And then I noticed I had like an ingrown hair on the side and it just got infected. | ||
| That's how it starts. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Folliculitis, yeah. | ||
| And it's crazy because there's a little button you can push. | ||
| Like, if you're dying, and I had a fever, and I remember I pushed the button and told the guard, hey, man, I know it's night shift, and I don't want to bug you, because, man, but I didn't see it, like, my ass is bleeding. | ||
| But I was like, because you have to, I was like, hey, the side of my ass is bleeding, so you're going to need to call a vet, or not a vet, you're going to need to call, like, somebody, and he's just like, stop playing games. | ||
| I'm like, and they have cameras in there. | ||
| And I was like, look. | ||
| So I showed them and then they come in and you got to put your arms in there because there could be a plant. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| They're scared for their life. | ||
| So he handcuffs me and then dad gets taken care of. | ||
| And then I go to court and I get sentenced to three years. | ||
| So do you think it would have been less if it wasn't for the riot? | ||
| No. | ||
| The riot was... | ||
| It was cool because at that time, when it was going on, there was riots breaking out everywhere. | ||
| And my lawyer was like, listen, Your Honor, he was only in a riot to protect his life. | ||
| You don't know what's going on in there. | ||
| The judge was cool. | ||
| And then a lot of my family and friends wrote letters for me telling the judge, hey, man, this guy changed his life. | ||
| He's got the best peanut butter meth you can get your hands on. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So, yeah. | |
| Let him out. | ||
| I'll hook you up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| So, you know, because a GBI, it's a great bodily injury. | ||
| That's a felony that carries a three-year, like, on top of your time. | ||
| It's like supposed to. | ||
| And he goes, I'm going to strike that down. | ||
| And I was just like, oh, my God. | ||
| And in my head, I'm thinking, oh, you only do halftime, so I'm going to get out a year and a half. | ||
| Because he even told me, you're doing good, guy, but... | ||
| Somebody got hurt. | ||
| And I was like, alright. | ||
| So, boom. | ||
| I hit Wasco. | ||
| Wasco is a reception yard where like, if you're from Orange County, LA, Bakersfield, And I think some part of Riverside, they send you to that yard for reception. | ||
| It's where you, for 90 days, you're on lockdown, 23 hour lockdown, and you only get like an hour of day room. | ||
| And they're evaluating you to see how you act with other inmates. | ||
| Where are they going to put you? | ||
| Are they going to put you on a level four yard, a level three yard, a level two yard? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Damn. | ||
| You know what a level 4, a level 3, 2 is? | ||
| No, give me the difference. | ||
| A level 4 yard is for people that have a lot of points, like violent crime, like, oh, he's in here for carjacking, kidnapping, and all that. | ||
| You're going on a level 4 yard. | ||
| You're going to be on a 23-hour lockdown, and you're there with killers, lifers, people doing 10 to 15 to 20 years. | ||
| A level 3 yard is the same thing, but you're programming. | ||
| It goes down, though. | ||
| It goes down, but it's chill. | ||
| Then there's a level 2 yard where it's like, all right, this guy got three years left. | ||
| We're going to try to get him an outside job, a little more money. | ||
| And then a level 1 yard is like... | ||
| You can walk around in sandals. | ||
| I've heard. | ||
| I've never been on that. | ||
| I heard. | ||
| You can walk around like in sandals. | ||
| There's a microwave in the day room. | ||
| There's an ice machine. | ||
| So what is that for like white collar crime? | ||
| No. | ||
| A level one yard would be like... | ||
| This guy's been locked up for 10 years on drugs. | ||
| He's going home. | ||
| He's done all nine years. | ||
| One year left. | ||
| Put him in a level one yard. | ||
| Because he's proved he can program. | ||
| As long as you're not like causing problems... | ||
| The point system makes you drop. | ||
| I think it's from 1 to 17 is level 1 yard, and 17 to 32 is a level 2 yard, and then 32 to 40-something is a level 3, and then it goes up. | ||
| Up to life. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I knew buddies that were like, how many points you got? | ||
| I go, I'm lucky. | ||
| They sent me to a level 2 yard after I was on a 3 yard. | ||
| He was like, oh my god, these inmates treated like, you're going to a level two, oh my god! | ||
| Because they're like, you can have a TV in your cell. | ||
| It's like, yeah, it's like heaven. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah, the food's better. | ||
| Man, so much shit about prison. | ||
| I miss food now and there. | ||
| You miss food in prison? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What kind of food did you get in prison? | ||
| We used to make food spreads. | ||
| And I worked in the butcher shop. | ||
| So I would sneak meat in my socks. | ||
| I'd wrap it up in saran wrap and I'd put it in my boots. | ||
| I had big old fireman boots. | ||
| And I would fit two sandwiches in each boot. | ||
| And that's like eight bucks in prison. | ||
| That's fucking, that's money. | ||
| Especially if you make it 38 cents an hour, right? | ||
| Yeah, so we'd bring it back. | ||
| This time I'm living in a dorm, 100-man dorm, and we would bring it back, and me and all my friends, my people, we'd cut it up. | ||
| Everyone would have a job. | ||
| Like, all right, dog, I don't got nothing to pitch in, but I'll prepare the food, and I'll clean all the dishes when we're done. | ||
| All right, cool. | ||
| Everybody would contribute, and then we'd make like... | ||
| Our bunk is equivalent from here to that chair. | ||
| And we would eat on a bunk. | ||
| We'd put like a big piece of paper and we would just... | ||
| It'd be cup of noodles, Doritos, Slim Jims, cheese, pork grinds, beans, rice, corn, nuts, anything that we had. | ||
| And we would just mix it in. | ||
| That's dinner. | ||
| And did anybody ever, like, the prison guards ever come by and get in trouble for this? | ||
| No. | ||
| Or they check in on you? | ||
| No, that's routine. | ||
| They know what we're doing. | ||
| So they don't have a problem with it at all? | ||
| No, they don't. | ||
| As long as... | ||
| What I notice in prison, they just don't want no one to overdose or fight. | ||
| I remember this one guy, like, we're not allowed to talk to guards. | ||
| I can hear them talking to each other. | ||
| This one guy goes, man, I hate my job. | ||
| I'm the fucking most overpriced babysitter in the world. | ||
| All I have to do is make sure these guys don't kill each other. | ||
| And they're in here for killing each other. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So, yeah. | ||
| It's pretty crazy. | ||
| And what did you cook it on? | ||
| Oh, that's a good idea. | ||
| I mean, good question. | ||
| So, we get this thing called a stinger. | ||
| There's so many brilliant inventions people make in prison. | ||
| This guy would get a cord from the radio, cut it in half, get a metal piece, and connect. | ||
| He'd make this thing, and then he'd plug it into the wall, drop it into a five-gallon water bucket, like those buckets. | ||
| And then we'd put all the food in a plastic bag so the water wouldn't hit it, but it would steam cook it. | ||
| That's how we would cook. | ||
| Whoa! | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There was even paisas that could make grills. | ||
| Like, because there's a metal shop in there. | ||
| Like, you work metal. | ||
| Like, us as prisoners, like, the prison doesn't call plumbing to fix the prison. | ||
| We have our own plumbing crews. | ||
| Like, inmates are plumbers. | ||
| Inmates are everything. | ||
| So, we learn to fix all this stuff. | ||
| And, you know, when it's there, you're like, damn, I want to Make a grilled cheese sandwich. | ||
| So where we were at, they had those old heaters that are metal and you get your bread and you put it in the brown bag and you put it in there and 20 minutes later it melted and it's a grilled cheese. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| What is the fine art of cooking in prison? | ||
| What is this Jamie? | ||
| I was trying to find the stinger. | ||
| I found a couple pictures, but this is a better picture. | ||
| Okay, so he's got wires attached to toenail clippers. | ||
| Oh yeah, that's another way too. | ||
| And the toenail clippers get hot, electrified, and they boil the ramen noodles. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| The stinger is the one on the far left. | ||
| That one right there? | ||
| You see how it's in there? | ||
| That's how we did it. | ||
| But we did it with the five gallon. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There was this guy that could... | ||
| He would put... | ||
| Lowry's is a dressing, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| Sauce? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like a spice, rather. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He would get the spice and he would put water in it. | ||
| And he would plug it into the fucking wall for somehow. | ||
| And this little spring, like a spring, would light up. | ||
| And that's how he used to light his cigarettes. | ||
| He's like... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| Yeah, and I'd be like, this fool made a lighter. | ||
| Well, they make their own tattoo guns, too, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| All my tattoos, 80% of my tattoos are from prison. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Now, is that legal in prison? | ||
| No. | ||
| No? | ||
| No, because that's how you get... | ||
| Infections, I'm sure. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| That's their other big thing. | ||
| What's that thing called? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Somebody has it, but yeah. | ||
| But I love my tattoos. | ||
| Hepatitis? | ||
| Yeah, hepatitis is huge because everyone's sharing needles, but no one does that really. | ||
| You get your own needle and you take care of it. | ||
| I've used my same needle the whole three years I was there. | ||
| Your same tattoo needle? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Did you make it? | ||
| Yeah, you get a... | ||
| Guitar string is what they use, but that's huge. | ||
| You see how this is way thicker? | ||
| That's a guitar string, and that hurt. | ||
| And this is more of like, we use the wire, because there's wire brush on the brooms. | ||
| So we just take the little things off and sharpen them up, sanitize it. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And how are they using the... | ||
| Like, how are they doing the tattoo? | ||
| Like, what is tapping the ink in? | ||
| Are they doing it by hand? | ||
| No, there's a... | ||
| You get a motor from a Walkman. | ||
| Walkman's in prison. | ||
| Tapes and CDs are... | ||
| There's no fucking downloads in there, Joe. | ||
| You can't... | ||
| Cassette tapes exist in prison still. | ||
| I used to have the Beastie Boys in there. | ||
| I gave it to my boy when I left. | ||
| Like, hey man, it's kind of like fucking being locked up in American Pickers. | ||
| Like old technology is existing hardcore in prison. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And so Walkman, if the Walkman messes up, they take the motor out. | ||
| And then they make it just like the shop. | ||
| They got a little gas pedal. | ||
| They just wire it up. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah, there it is. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| So what is that? | ||
| That looks like an ink pen. | ||
| Well, it's a pencil. | ||
| Then he's just that right. | ||
| There's the motor in the back. | ||
| That's the motor for it. | ||
| It's a button So the button attaches to the motor yes, and there's a string on that so it goes up and down So forces the needle to go up and I'll see here goes drive pin on top of the motor turns a spindle Turning spindle causes the connecting pin to rotate as the back end of the drop of the drive rod rotates with the pin the needle moves backwards and forwards Wow now and then you have to make your own ink and So what are you doing for ink? | ||
| So you get the newspaper and you burn it in a brown bag. | ||
| You just let it burn. | ||
| The ink from the paper becomes ashes. | ||
| And you get all these ashes and you put it in like this. | ||
| Or like a little Advil or like a little aspirin thing. | ||
| And you put two little rocks in there, three. | ||
| And then a little bit of water. | ||
| And shake that shit for three or four days and it'll become the ink again. | ||
| Three or four days? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's a long process. | ||
| I had to figure out the process. | ||
| Come on. | ||
| You got all day. | ||
| You got plenty of time. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, you don't do it like for 24 hours. | ||
| You just come back, let it sit, let it sit. | ||
| Because I've had tattoos that fall off. | ||
| Like the ink on this one, it wasn't done right. | ||
| Oh, I see. | ||
| And it's faded off. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because they didn't let it sit enough. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| So all those, like the stomach one, all that shit is all... | ||
| Yeah, the stomach one, I'll never forget. | ||
| Painful, huh? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Painful. | |
| Fuck! | ||
| It's not that it was painful. | ||
| The Gooners came in and hit the house. | ||
| The Gooners. | ||
| Yeah, I remember I was telling you, in prison, they have a SWAT team, too. | ||
| It's called the Gooners. | ||
| These are COs that specialize in any gang activity, any riot. | ||
| Anybody has contraband. | ||
| They just come in and raid the whole yard. | ||
| Do you know what I mean by throwing mattresses everywhere, ripping shit up? | ||
| So I'm getting this tattoo on my stomach and they come in. | ||
| And catch you in the middle of getting tattooed. | ||
| No, I hit it. | ||
| You hit it. | ||
| I covered my shit up. | ||
| My friend, he cheeked it. | ||
| You see how little that is? | ||
| Cheeked it? | ||
| Yeah, he took the pin top off and just threw it in the trash. | ||
| And then he put the motor up, not up his ass, but like in the ass. | ||
| Like cheeked it. | ||
| He put it in a napkin and I was... | ||
| I just remember he was like, hey man, I don't think I'm going to be able to come tomorrow, so do you want to finish this? | ||
| I was like, let's go, dawg. | ||
| We just sanitized it. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah, we stole Lysol. | ||
| I mean, we didn't steal. | ||
| It's ours. | ||
| It's the prison's. | ||
| We took it, and that was our little thing. | ||
| They don't let you have Lysol. | ||
| Why is that? | ||
| Because you're worried you're going to spray it on people or light it on fire? | ||
| I think you light Lysol on fire and spray people. | ||
| Okay, yeah. | ||
| But it's kind of like, do you know how much diseases and shit is in there? | ||
| I would imagine quite a bit. | ||
| Dudes are cheeking tattoo machines. | ||
| I would imagine that's not sanitary. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| So if you had gotten caught getting the tattoo, what would happen? | ||
| Oh, so if you get caught now, I think they give you a 115. Now, 115 can make you get bad points. | ||
| So, like, say I'm on a level 2 yard and I get caught getting tatted. | ||
| They're like, hey, homie, we don't want this here. | ||
| That's for the crazier yards. | ||
| So they ship you over there. | ||
| Wow, just for a tattoo. | ||
| Yeah, because to them, you've hurt your body. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's some good tattoo artists in prison, though. | ||
| I've seen some great work that came out of prison. | ||
| There's some bomb-ass guys in there. | ||
| Yeah, there's some websites that are dedicated to great tattoo art from prison. | ||
| See if you can find some of that. | ||
| But some of those guys are, like, legit artists. | ||
| Like, as good or close to it as, like, Mr. Cartoon. | ||
| Like, that level. | ||
| I've seen some, like, high-level stuff. | ||
| I've seen some. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, I'm pretty sure Mr. Cartoon... | ||
| Rumors are, I don't know, I won't call it, but I know artists that do, their friends are doing life in prison, and they send them patterns on. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That is from fucking jail? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That's amazing. | ||
| And that's not with no shop, you can't Google, expand, none of that. | ||
| Damn, look how good that is. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's, uh, it's... | ||
| That's Tom Hardy, right? | ||
| The one on the left from... | ||
| Charles Bronson. | ||
| From Bronson. | ||
| Yeah, I love that movie. | ||
| Well, it's not Charles Bronson, right? | ||
| It's from Bronson, the movie Bronson. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I love that movie. | ||
| It was about a crazy prisoner. | ||
| Yeah, he was off... | ||
| I think he's from England. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Have you seen that movie? | ||
| Yeah, a long time ago, though. | ||
| I hardly remember it, but I remember... | ||
| He's still locked up. | ||
| That guy is? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| He's 40 years in solitary confinement now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| 4-0. | ||
| 4-0. | ||
| That can't be good. | ||
| No. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's not good. | ||
| Tattoo artist praises Charles Bronson. | ||
| Oh, it is Charles Bronson. | ||
| So Bronson, the movie, the guy's name is Charles Bronson. | ||
| Just a different Charles Bronson. | ||
| Award-winning tattoo by the prisoner himself. | ||
| Oh, wait a minute, Jamie. | ||
| That's not a prison tattoo, then. | ||
| See, it's saying tattoo artist praised for Charles Bronson. | ||
| Award-winning tattoo by the prisoner, Charles Bronson. | ||
| I was saying. | ||
| Let me give you better code words when you Google. | ||
| Prison tattoos. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Arte. | |
| A-R-T-E. D.E. Prison. | ||
| Look at that dude all over his face. | ||
| That seems like a weird choice. | ||
| Oh man, I see those all day in there. | ||
| Yeah, that's an odd choice. | ||
| Is that now, is that dudes that are just doing life and they're like, fuck it? | ||
| Yeah, I mean, yeah. | ||
| I mean, at the same time, man, there's a lot of people in there that are, that's all they know. | ||
| Dad has it. | ||
| Mom has it. | ||
| Everybody has it. | ||
| Those are soldiers right there. | ||
| That's just letting you know. | ||
| It's going down. | ||
| Do not walk this way. | ||
| It goes down. | ||
| Well, if you're willing to do that to your face, you don't have a whole lot to lose. | ||
| The face tattoos are rough, man. | ||
| That's a strange look. | ||
| No, because you can't get no color in prison. | ||
| You can't? | ||
| No. | ||
| It'd be too hard to make. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Unless, I mean, I don't know. | ||
| If they sneak it in. | ||
| I mean, they sneak in pretty much anything, right? | ||
| I don't think no one's trying to sneak in. | ||
| Tattoo ink? | ||
| Tattoo ink for that risk. | ||
| Maybe you would if you knew the dude was just so fucking good. | ||
| Like, if you got, if you were doing time with a dude who was a known tattoo artist, like, uh, Aaron Della Vadova is a guy who did all my work in San Diego. | ||
| If I was locked up with that dude, I'd try to sneak some tattoo ink in. | ||
| Hey, fuck the weed. | ||
| I bought this ink. | ||
| Let's go to work, man. | ||
| Let's get some shit done. | ||
| Oh, but I mean, see, that would be his hustle in there. | ||
| So I'm pretty sure if he's that good, he'd come around to get people to make it. | ||
| That's people's hustle. | ||
| That's all they do. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like for this tattoo, I only paid a pack of cup of noodles. | ||
| Cup of noodles. | ||
| Now, is that what currency is in prison? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| Cigarettes, cup of noodles? | ||
| Well, cigarettes isn't currency, but it is because it's banned. | ||
| It used to be currency, but it's food. | ||
| It's banned now. | ||
| Yeah, it's food and any material items. | ||
| So you can't get any cigarettes in prison at all? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's not legal at all? | |
| I mean, you can get them, but... | ||
| But it's not legal? | ||
| No, yeah. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| So if you are a cigarette person, you smoke three-packed cigarettes a day, you go to jail... | ||
| Set, cold turkey. | ||
| That was the first time I stopped. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah? | |
| Yeah, I didn't get a cigarette for the first 10 months. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah, and then I had a cellie that came from Santa Barbara, and in Santa Barbara, they let you have cigarettes in their farming. | ||
| So, homie snuck it. | ||
| I don't know how he did it, but... | ||
| So, when you're farming, like, you're out there farming in Santa Barbara, then you can have cigarettes? | ||
| Yeah, because it's an outside facility. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| It's not entrapped in the building. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| So is the idea about smoking in the building that you don't want people to get secondhand smoke or something like that? | ||
| Is that what it is? | ||
| I think. | ||
| I mean, that's what they said. | ||
| This is 2000. This happened in 2006, 2007. So the laws might have changed. | ||
| It was interesting because when I first moved here in 94, you could still smoke in bars. | ||
| You could smoke everywhere. | ||
| Everywhere had cigarettes. | ||
| I believe that comedy store had cigarettes, if I remember correctly. | ||
| I believe they had ashtrays on every table, if I remember correctly. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| If I remember correctly, I know a lot of clubs I worked at had smoking until the 2000s. | ||
| Dallas was one of the last holdouts. | ||
| I used to do the Addison Improv, and they would still have smoking. | ||
| But then they started having an 8 p.m. | ||
| non-smoking show for all the tea toddlers. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ooh! | |
| But I didn't mind it. | ||
| You know, I know it's probably bad for you, but then I started hearing about women that would be like waitresses in bars and they would work there for 15 years and get lung cancer. | ||
| And it's like, oh, that's real. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's when I was like, because I was against it too. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like, what the fuck? | |
| I can't smoke. | ||
| It's America. | ||
| And then you're like, oh, I'm fucking her up. | ||
| It's all my bad. | ||
| Yeah, so when you went away, how hard was it to quit cigarettes? | ||
| Was that one of the hardest things to do? | ||
| You know, fuck, I never thought of this, but your mind, I mean, you're looking for it, you're aggravated, but nah. | ||
| But you weren't doing this, like the tweaker spinning his fingers? | ||
| You weren't like doing this thing with your phone? | ||
| People would be like, what the fuck is he trying to do? | ||
| Did you go back to smoking when you got out? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, I had to. | |
| Because I was smoking in there. | ||
| You were. | ||
| I was getting them later because I had that butcher job. | ||
| So I was trading meat for cigarettes all day. | ||
| All day. | ||
| Like a couple cigarettes here and there. | ||
| Fuck yeah. | ||
| Like how many could you get a day? | ||
| Man, I was living like a baller, Joe. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| I smoked a cigarette every day for at least a year. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Like a baller. | ||
| One cigarette. | ||
| One cigarette. | ||
| Sometimes more. | ||
| Sometimes more. | ||
| And that one cigarette was like, oh, here it comes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, it was weird because... | ||
| Making me want to smoke. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't need to smoke. | |
| Like, I had a lighter too. | ||
| So when you have a lighter, you can light other people's cigarettes. | ||
| So you're like, hey, let me use your lighter. | ||
| Like, nah, nah, nah. | ||
| Let me light that for you. | ||
| Here you go. | ||
| So yeah, it was fun. | ||
| It was fun. | ||
| Stupid ass of me. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| So when you got, do you smoke now still? | ||
| Yeah, I still smoke. | ||
| How much do you smoke? | ||
| I smoke about a... | ||
| I say a pack a day, but if I have a lot of things to do, a pack and a half. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| But you know what? | ||
| I've dropped everything else. | ||
| No more peanut butter meth? | ||
| No, I haven't done that in ever. | ||
| I don't do nothing else. | ||
| I mean, I smoke weed, but that's medicine. | ||
| That's what I'm saying. | ||
| Now, what kind of weightlifting facilities do they have in gyms or in prison? | ||
| Because I've heard some prisons, they're trying to take that out. | ||
| They have to take it out. | ||
| Prisoners more dangerous. | ||
| Yeah, you know who took it out too was Arnold. | ||
| Arnold was the one that took out sugar. | ||
| That is fucking crazy. | ||
| Yeah, the bodybuilding champion. | ||
| That guy took out the weights? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Wow, that's fucked up. | ||
| That is fucked up. | ||
| Yeah, so like we have to improvise. | ||
| So when you're in prison, you have jumpsuits. | ||
| And everyone was big clothes so you cut the leg off your jumpsuit and you sew the bottom and you sew the sides and then you get the other leg and you do the same thing and then you fill it up with sand. | ||
| Now you have a heavy bag so it's probably like 40 pound bag and then you put you just get a tailor guy in there if you know how to do it you put two little handles and now you can do curls or you can do forward raises it's like anything water weights I mean we it's wild how we still work out in there Wow, so when you were there and you were working out, there wasn't any weights? | ||
| No, there's no weights allowed at all, because you know how many people were killing each other? | ||
| With weights? | ||
| Yeah, just imagine you owe money and you're doing fucking bench press and somebody just hits you with a.45 plate on the head. | ||
| It's a one hit. | ||
| That was always the scenes in the movies, man. | ||
| Those dudes in the weight room. | ||
| It looked dope. | ||
| I wanted to do it. | ||
| Imagine those old little benches. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| But they do have them on level one yards. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Fire camp. | ||
| Now they made it like a privilege. | ||
| Like if you're in fire camp. | ||
| What's fire camp? | ||
| Fire camp is all the inmates, they make them go brush the fire for all these huge fires. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| All the inmates are like, they're fighting the fires and then they only do one third of their time. | ||
| That's awesome. | ||
| But you can't be a violent offender in there. | ||
| So I was disqualified from that. | ||
| So they do that so that you can be more robust physically, so you can do the job better? | ||
| Yeah, and it's just like... | ||
| It's a privilege. | ||
| They don't live in cells. | ||
| They live, like, in a room like this. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And they got bunks, and they have, like, a little weight bench, crowbar, but if anything happens, immediately took away, so... | ||
| Every race decides nothing could ever happen here. | ||
| We need this for all of us. | ||
| So it's a little like, hey, we need this. | ||
| Do not fuck this up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| So what did you guys do for entertainment when you're in there? | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| Did you do stand-up in there at all? | ||
| Yeah, I did later on. | ||
| That's a crazy question. | ||
| No one's really ever asked me that. | ||
| Well, that's where Joey got started, you know? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But it was different because in my last year and a half, I'm locked up in Norco. | ||
| So all these guards are Mexican. | ||
| Most of them are Mexican. | ||
| And they're like, I used to fucking see you at Wild Coyote. | ||
| They're like, I just seen you on Showtime. | ||
| And they're like, you're at the Ontario Improv. | ||
| So, you know, they got together. | ||
| And they were like, hey, you want to do comedy? | ||
| And I was just like... | ||
| Fuck, I did not want this. | ||
| I did not want like to be popular. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Like I didn't want to stay low-key. | ||
| Yeah, then I was just like I Don't know man like I'm offensive. | ||
| I'll say something that'll start a riot and they're like nah nah nah nah All the races already said you can say whatever you want Like they planned this shit. | ||
| I was like alright, I'll do it. | ||
| So all the races so you have to have like a little race No, fuck yeah Hell yeah, so how does that go down? | ||
| It's I don't know. | ||
| I wasn't involved in it It's just so they had to like meet with maybe the guards went up to the white rep the black rep and all the reps was like Hey man, check it out. | ||
| You guys we have a celebrity comedian here. | ||
| That's why they pumped me up. | ||
| I was like motherfucker I can't even get a week at the improv But I could get a week in prison. | ||
| That's a good new one. | ||
| Thank you so It was, oh man, it was weird. | ||
| I was scared as hell. | ||
| Like, no mic. | ||
| And they put me in the TV room, and there was like 60 straight, like, fools. | ||
| Like, just like, come on, dog, make us laugh. | ||
| And like, wow. | ||
| You know, they never heard my jokes, so I did my whole set, and they were just like, oh. | ||
| And then I guess one of the cops, this is the weird part, is all the cops left their dorms to come watch this show. | ||
| And they went back and then they told the inmates. | ||
| So when I go to Yard the next day, the inmates were like, hey dog, how much you charge? | ||
| Come do a show in our room. | ||
| I was like, what do you mean? | ||
| They're like, I heard you did comedy and everybody said it was cool. | ||
| All the racists said you were cool. | ||
| And I was just like, I don't think I can go to your dorm. | ||
| That's like against the code. | ||
| So the cops would be like, all right, everybody give them an item and you can go in there and perform. | ||
| An item. | ||
| An item is like a soup, hot chocolate. | ||
| So that's how people paid to come to your show? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Wow! | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And it got to the point where I did every, every one on our yard. | ||
| And I assembled like a little crew. | ||
| I taught this guy how to open for me because he was cool-ass druggie from Whittier. | ||
| He was just... | ||
| He was stupid funny. | ||
| You taught him how to do stand-up? | ||
| No, he knew it, but didn't know he knew it. | ||
| He knew it, but he never did it. | ||
| Yeah, because I remember he'd be like, hey, dog, when I'm on the street, he has fucked up teeth. | ||
| I call girls, and I'm like, they're like, how's your body? | ||
| And he's like, I just smile. | ||
| I'm like, chisel. | ||
| Like, dog, that's a setup right there. | ||
| Like, you just... | ||
| And he did it. | ||
| And the look on his face was cool, man. | ||
| But I just remember he was like, hey, dog, I'm going to hit you up when I get out. | ||
| We're going to go on the tour. | ||
| I'm like, no, dog, you're a fucking tweaker. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know what I mean? | |
| Well, it's fine because people that can make people laugh, I always tell people, like, if you can make your friends laugh, you can make people you know laugh, it's entirely possible you could be a comedian. | ||
| It's the same thing. | ||
| It's just a matter of whether or not you get these people to allow you inside their head. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's really kind of what it is, right? | ||
| Yeah, the true comfortableness. | ||
| But, you know, some of them wasn't. | ||
| Like, I had a rough time a couple, like, first ten minutes because fools were like, I thought you were going to do George Lopez's jokes. | ||
| I was like, no, I'm not an impersonator. | ||
| Like, fools were pissed. | ||
| They were like, hey, you didn't do any member members or nothing like that. | ||
| Oh, that's funny. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So they just thought stand-up comedy is kind of like music. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, like you would just go up there and do like some hits. | ||
| Yeah, they didn't know. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| This is the crazy part is the warden catches wind of this shit. | ||
| And I'm in a program called SAP. It's a substance abuse program. | ||
| And I'm only in it because you qualify for halftime if you take this program. | ||
| So the warden's like, hey, Sacramento's coming down here. | ||
| I want to show them a rehabilitated criminal, whatever. | ||
| I'm a felon, whatever. | ||
| So I was like, what are you talking about? | ||
| He's like, well, you do comedy in front of the program and Sacramento, but no cussing. | ||
| And I was like, I think this was the easiest deal I've ever made. | ||
| I said, look, I'll do it if you bring me Kentucky Fried Chicken. | ||
| And soda. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Joe, I was just saying at the talk shed, because you know how when I first started getting gigs, I'd always call Joey Diaz, hey, they're going to give me $700 if I go do Visalia. | ||
| He's like, $2,000, dumbass. | ||
| So after the show, he gives me two two liters of Coke and a fucking bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken. | ||
| Oh, man. | ||
| And he was just like, I remember walking back and everybody was like... | ||
| I gave all my people a piece and it was just like... | ||
| It was kind of like that movie, Sean Shank Reduction, when they're drinking on the roof. | ||
| It was like the first time we ate outside food. | ||
| I haven't had a soda in years. | ||
| So everybody was like, I was just like, get down, homies. | ||
| It was cool. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| That's fucking cool. | ||
| There's something cool about appreciating something that you... | ||
| You just take for granted because you can get it anytime you want. | ||
| But when you're so restricted, you get those things and it's so good. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, dude, they loved it. | ||
| Like, they loved it. | ||
| And it was cool because, like, a lot of... | ||
| I mean, dude, I made friends. | ||
| Like, there's guys I still talk to. | ||
| There's, like, friends. | ||
| And it was... | ||
| Yeah, it was awesome. | ||
| Like, how can I say that? | ||
| How was prison awesome? | ||
| But it was. | ||
| Well, people say that about war, too, man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| People say that about, I think, human beings need a certain amount of struggle. | ||
| And then, when you experience that struggle, then the non-struggle feels so much better. | ||
| There's moments where, I've talked about this before, but I went hunting in Alaska on this island, Prince of Wales, and it rained every day. | ||
| We were there for six days, pouring rain, drenched. | ||
| And you were hunting? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| It was the worst, as far as getting wet and just being soaked and cold all the time, one of the worst experiences you could ever go through. | ||
| Because it's always like... | ||
| 45, 50 degrees, pouring rain, and you know, your sleeping bag's wet, the inside of your tent's wet, everything's wet. | ||
| But when I came back, I remember it was sunny out, and I called my friend Steve Rinello, who took me with him on this trip. | ||
| I go, dude, I've never been happier in my life. | ||
| Like, the sun is shining, like what I normally just totally take for granted. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| I was like, it's amazing. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| I'm like, I'm driving on the street. | ||
| I don't think I've ever been happier. | ||
| But I was that happy because I had gone through the struggle. | ||
| But nobody wants to do that on their own, you know? | ||
| And when you're kind of forced into a situation, I would imagine, like being in prison, then when you get that Kentucky Fried Chicken and you get that soda, you're like, wow, we're fucking living it up right now. | ||
| Yeah, because I came from a place. | ||
| They have this thing. | ||
| It's called... | ||
| Fuck, I forgot what it's called, but you have money in your books. | ||
| Everybody has money, and they do like a sell-off where they'll go to the local Vons by the prison, and you can buy sodas, cookies, and pizza, but nobody ever had Kentucky Fried Chicken in that bitch. | ||
| To this day, I want to put that in my bio. | ||
| Kentucky fried fucking chicken in prison. | ||
| Kentucky fried chicken, I don't know what they do, but that is some special food. | ||
| They just know how to do it. | ||
| Those fucking creeps. | ||
| Kentucky fried chicken with El Yucateca hot sauce. | ||
| When it's cold, especially. | ||
| God damn. | ||
| I know it's not good for you, folks. | ||
| I don't eat it a lot. | ||
| But it's a bad habit. | ||
| Guilty pleasure. | ||
| It's so good. | ||
| You know what's crazy, Joe? | ||
| I'd be scared to go hunting. | ||
| I'd trip out. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I'd be scared. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| If I was going to shoot a deer, I'd be like, where are you from, fool? | ||
| I wouldn't fucking know how. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| I'd trip out. | ||
| My dad hunted. | ||
| I was like, no, I ain't doing that. | ||
| I'm scared. | ||
| Scared of what though? | ||
| Will we be scared of it? | ||
| I'm scared like, I don't know, I'm scared like the deer's fucking with me and there's like someone else gonna come get me from over here. | ||
| I'm in their world. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| I don't know. | ||
| It feels like their world. | ||
| That's the weirdest part about the woods. | ||
| When you're hunting in the woods and you lock eyes with an animal, it's like, it's... | ||
| It's almost psychedelic in some sort of a weird way. | ||
| You feel like you're in another dimension. | ||
| I know that sounds so stupid when I say it, even I hear it myself, but when you lock eyes, when you're hunting, you lock eyes on an animal, the whole... | ||
| The world changes. | ||
| You're in a totally different environment. | ||
| An environment that doesn't give a fuck about you. | ||
| You're used to your street. | ||
| Oh, this is the deli that I eat at. | ||
| This is where I do my laundry. | ||
| It's all normal stuff, right? | ||
| You have these patterns. | ||
| And you just see people, and you see cars, and this is my world. | ||
| But then when you're in their world, you realize, oh, this is a totally different world. | ||
| This is like I went to another planet. | ||
| Yeah, fuck yeah. | ||
| I mean, people try to get me to go camping, I'm like, nah, I'm cool, dawg. | ||
| Oh man, you'd love it. | ||
| This thing about it is, you get used to it after a while and it becomes normal, and then once it becomes normal, you realize how peaceful it is. | ||
| Like, we're just sitting down in the grass, like on the top of a mountain, like looking out at a valley. | ||
| And you go, God, this is so beautiful. | ||
| Like, you would pay, like, fuck museums. | ||
| Like, go to that L.A. County Museum of Art, and you see these bullshit exhibits they have there. | ||
| They're terrible to look at. | ||
| They don't do a goddamn thing for you. | ||
| Most of it, modern, abstract art, it's fucking ridiculously stupid. | ||
| But I challenge anyone to go to Colorado, go to Boulder, Colorado, and look at the mountains. | ||
| Go into the mountains and look at some of those peaks. | ||
| Look at the continental divide. | ||
| It's like the most incredible piece of art you could ever see, and it's just nature. | ||
| It does something to you. | ||
| Yeah, me and Redman just got back from Denver and it was it was cool. | ||
| Denver's the shit. | ||
| Yeah, I was first time there so I wasn't used to like, I guess somebody told me there's no water around so you get headaches. | ||
| Well, it's not that there's no water, it's that you're at a very high altitude and dehydration comes quicker for whatever reason so you have to keep yourself hydrated. | ||
| It's super important. | ||
| I guess you just dry out the environment. | ||
| But, uh, people are cool as fuck. | ||
| And Denver, Denver's like one of the best, it was always cool. | ||
| But, you know, Denver, for a long time, the city of Denver just didn't have weed laws. | ||
| They're like, forget it. | ||
| We don't give a fuck. | ||
| You smoke weed, do whatever you want to do. | ||
| We don't care. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| It was like, when I first started working there, which I don't even know when I first started working there, it was a long time ago, but I remember the club owners would tell you, like, the city has essentially made weed decriminalized. | ||
| Like, you don't get arrested for weed. | ||
| They just don't arrest people for weed. | ||
| That's awesome. | ||
| That was a long time ago. | ||
| Then, the state was the first to get gangster and say, fuck you, federal government, it's illegal, so you could buy weed everywhere in Denver now. | ||
| In Colorado, there are weed stores everywhere now. | ||
| So because of that, the economy's booming. | ||
| Real estate prices, I think they went up 14 or 16% inside of two years. | ||
| Drunk driving deaths dropped to an all-time low. | ||
| Violent crime dropped to an all-time low. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| Pill and opiate addiction dropped to an all-time low. | ||
| Yeah, fuck those pills. | ||
| Well, that's what's going on right now in Arizona. | ||
| I don't know if you've been paying attention, but they're trying to pass it in Arizona. | ||
| They're trying to pass legal weed in Arizona. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| And the opposition has been alcohol companies and pain pills. | ||
| Those are the ones who are spending the most money trying to keep weed illegal. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| My buddy grows, like, legally, and he told me that they invented this new light. | ||
| That makes your weed grow faster. | ||
| But all the tobacco companies got together and bought all those lights. | ||
| So every time this guy puts out new lights, the tobacco company buys them all. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| And I mean, I haven't looked into it. | ||
| And then he goes, the only other reason we can't make it legal here is because every time they put the THC in the rolling things to put them in cigarettes, it gets too sticky and it messes the machines up. | ||
| And I was just like, I never even thought of that. | ||
| So just hire people to do it by hand. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Go to Gino from L.A. Speedweed. | ||
| That's why they have these tubes, folks. | ||
| See, people don't understand. | ||
| People that live in other barbaric parts of America, where it's hard to get weed, we get these joints and they're exactly the same every time. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| It's goddamn perfect. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's got a little paper tube at the bottom. | ||
| The weed all sits in the top. | ||
| The problem with this stuff is, like you said, this is medicine. | ||
| It's like medicine for life. | ||
| But if you smoke it, people think you're a loser. | ||
| That's what tricks me out. | ||
| Yeah, they think that you're a druggie and you're a fool. | ||
| Something's wrong with you. | ||
| Fuck, bro. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Fucking people. | ||
| I'm tired of the bullshit, George Perez. | ||
| You know what's weird is I have a 20-year-old son and he smokes weed. | ||
| And I kind of feel like an asshole because I'm like, you can't smoke that shit around me. | ||
| He's like, why? | ||
| And I said, just because, like... | ||
| I just always want to feel like your dad. | ||
| Like, just give me... | ||
| I gave that to my dad. | ||
| You gotta let it go. | ||
| I got a 20-year-old daughter. | ||
| She smokes weed. | ||
| There's nothing wrong with it. | ||
| In front of you? | ||
| Not really, but she's had wine in front of me. | ||
| Oh, yeah, but he wants me to roll it for him and hit it. | ||
| I'll roll it for her. | ||
| Listen, I don't think there's anything wrong with it. | ||
| I think I'd be a hypocrite if I said there was. | ||
| She's a smart girl. | ||
| She knows what the fuck is up. | ||
| You know, and when she was younger, her mother caught her with it, and there's like this I'm like, bitch, you smoke weed. | ||
| Why are you getting mad at her? | ||
| But it's one of those things where you feel like you're supposed to get mad at people. | ||
| You're supposed to tell them, I'm like, listen, this is not bad for you. | ||
| But there are drugs that are bad for you. | ||
| So if I told you that this was bad for you and you realized it wasn't bad for you, first of all, I would be a massive hypocrite because I have weed tattooed on my body. | ||
| I'd be a massive hypocrite. | ||
| Plus, I knew she's on YouTube. | ||
| She's seen videos. | ||
| I mean, it's ridiculous. | ||
| I talk about weed all the time. | ||
| But more importantly, she wouldn't trust me about things that are bad for you. | ||
| I'd be like, stay the fuck away from that peanut butter crank. | ||
| That is actually bad for you. | ||
| And I told her, I said, we had a nice long discussion. | ||
| I said, I've never done anything that's addictive other than alcohol. | ||
| And I don't have whatever genetic predisposition to get addicted to alcohol. | ||
| But I've never fucked with coke. | ||
| I've never fucked with crank. | ||
| I've never fucked with heroin because I don't want to ruin my life. | ||
| I said, but there are some drugs that they're fun as long as you use them in moderation. | ||
| I don't think there's anything wrong with trying mushrooms. | ||
| If you do it in a safe setting, I don't think there's anything wrong with smoking a little weed. | ||
| I think there's plenty of things that people would throw under the same classification as drugs that they're just not bad for you, man. | ||
| They're just not. | ||
| You're right. | ||
| You're right. | ||
| I just, I don't know. | ||
| It's just kind of like that little, it's like a little Mexican thing. | ||
| It's like the machismo on this, like my dad was. | ||
| It's like, you don't do that shit in front of me. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm glad you told me that. | ||
| Hey, Georgie, I'm a blazer with you when I get home, foe. | ||
| George, you were going to blaze it. | ||
| He's a man. | ||
| He's 20 years old. | ||
| That's a man. | ||
| You know, my daughter's a woman. | ||
| She's a woman. | ||
| It's just this thing, man, when you're looking at life. | ||
| You know, we have classifications for people. | ||
| But when a person reaches a certain age, like, man, that's a grown-ass human being. | ||
| That person could have babies of their own. | ||
| They could go to war. | ||
| They could start a family. | ||
| They could start a business. | ||
| You know, it's... | ||
| I had a kid when I was 18. That's crazy, man. | ||
| Yeah, he's 20 now. | ||
| I could have easily. | ||
| We all could have, right? | ||
| I mean, anybody who's having sex could have easily had a kid when they were, you know, whatever age you started. | ||
| Most people, they fuck up, they have sex with no condom, they make mistakes. | ||
| Yeah, that was some wild shit. | ||
| His mom was the wild one. | ||
| She's the crazy one. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| Does he still keep in touch with her? | ||
| Uh, fuck. | ||
| I mean, nah. | ||
| I mean, he sees her once in a while, but I've had custody of him ever since he was five years old. | ||
| Does he live with you now? | ||
| He's lived with me ever since he was five. | ||
| Does he want to do stand-up? | ||
| He did for a little bit, but he's more like, uh... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Like, he's more like... | ||
| Both of my kids, I wish I could have been them because they weren't... | ||
| I felt like I was a follower when I was a teenager because I wanted to be like a surfer skater, but I also wanted to be a gangster. | ||
| They're surfer skaters, and they're living life. | ||
| I love it, dude. | ||
| My son lives by the beach. | ||
| He surfs. | ||
| Oh, that's awesome. | ||
| Yeah, he works at In-N-Out. | ||
| My other son does choir. | ||
| All the things I wanted to do, they're doing. | ||
| So that's why I'm just like... | ||
| Well, you're real honest, and you talk about things real honestly, and from that, they can see mistakes. | ||
| Oh, yes. | ||
| And then not have to go through them themselves. | ||
| It's like... | ||
| I think parents that aren't honest about mistakes, I think they do themselves a disservice the way they raise their kids, because your kid doesn't get to learn from your own fuck-ups, you know? | ||
| Like, I think kids need to know that you're infallible, or that you're not infallible, that you make mistakes. | ||
| You're just a human. | ||
| I used to do this bit, but it really does kind of apply, is that when you were little, like, remember when you were little, you used to think that they were real grown-ups. | ||
| You usually get upset about something and go, one day I want to be a grown-up and everything's going to make sense. | ||
| But it's never going to make sense. | ||
| It's never going to make sense. | ||
| I'm 49 years old. | ||
| This doesn't make sense. | ||
| None of this makes sense to me. | ||
| It doesn't make sense at all. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| The life to this day is still so bizarre. | ||
| There's no grown-ups. | ||
| You just get older. | ||
| And then one day you realize, like, oh, I just gotta find out how to be happy. | ||
| That's all you have to do. | ||
| How to find out how to be happy and create camaraderie. | ||
| Like, create camaraderie amongst your friends and amongst your family and amongst the people that you love. | ||
| Spread as much of that as you can. | ||
| Like, that's what this is all about. | ||
| Straight up. | ||
| Just try to enjoy it as much as you can. | ||
| Whatever this is, enjoy as much as you can. | ||
| Everything else is a trap. | ||
| Everything else is a trap. | ||
| All the other thoughts are traps. | ||
| Collecting the most shit and having the biggest house and all that. | ||
| And, you know, being the most famous or selling the most records or, you know, whatever the fuck you do. | ||
| You know, selling the most million dollar houses. | ||
| Almost all of it's bullshit. | ||
| Yeah, some people just go out on missions. | ||
| Man, I got a brother like that. | ||
| I love you, but he's fucking great. | ||
| Like, I think he made me how I am. | ||
| I got five brothers. | ||
| All my older brothers are like teachers. | ||
| Like, super successful. | ||
| Not that I'm not, but it's just, like, you can tell where it just turned with me. | ||
| My older brother, he was, like, captain of the football team since, like, sixth grade this fool was a captain. | ||
| Played football with Marshall Falk. | ||
| Got his masters. | ||
| He's a trip. | ||
| He was just so hard. | ||
| I was like, drill me all the time. | ||
| Dude, he used to take me to the park and be like, hey, if that guy kicks your ass, I'm going to kick your ass. | ||
| Go fight. | ||
| And I'd be like, what the fuck? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| What crazy leadership. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| And he was like in leadership programs and shit like that. | ||
| Yeah, dude. | ||
| And yeah. | ||
| Look at me now. | ||
| I remember I told him, I go, hey man, you keep pushing your son, he's going to end up just like me. | ||
| Like, chill. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Chill. | ||
| My brother was just like Chet from Weird Science. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| But shorter than me. | ||
| And just super educated and thug. | ||
| It was weird. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Super educated and thug. | ||
| Yeah, like he could kick all my friends ass. | ||
| Yeah, fuck. | ||
| But he was really smart too. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Did he ever get involved in martial arts? | ||
| No, no. | ||
| Probably should have done that. | ||
| That's probably would have been his calling. | ||
| He probably could have like maybe like alleviated some of that stress or that tension that he has. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But you know what? | |
| It's weird. | ||
| It's like he coaches kids now and like he's so different. | ||
| Like he yeah, I think he finally got his mellow. | ||
| Well, he had kids of his own? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He has a beautiful little son. | ||
| He's so competitive to this day. | ||
| I remember somebody was like, hey, I seen you on Comedy Central Rose Battle. | ||
| He was like, yeah, but I graduated from Chapman. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ah! | |
| I'm like, fuck, can I have something? | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| He doesn't just want to say, you did great. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He'll tell me, like, I did good on something else. | ||
| You know what I usually think? | ||
| I used to think, oh, well, that guy, just fuck those guys. | ||
| Those guys are pains in the ass. | ||
| It's too hard to deal with them. | ||
| Then I realized what those guys are is, like, Super winners that never found a venue like sometimes there's super winners like there's certain people like I really think in order to be a Michael Jordan or Anybody that's like a super winner you you almost have to be imbalanced to the point where you want to succeed You want it all about you way more than the average person and that creates a lot of like relationship Like like a Block | ||
| in the harmony because you're always thinking about yourself like I think a lot of those guys Don't find the venue. | ||
| They don't find a real thing to be competitive with and but if they did They would get all those lumps especially with martial arts especially with jiu-jitsu jiu-jitsu is a big one man and if you can get through that You get all those lumps, you get choked out all the time, you get your ass kicked all the time, and through getting your ass kicked all the time, getting strangled and tapped out, you learn how to control your ego better, and then you learn, like, what's actual success and what is you just talking shit? | ||
| Like, how much of this is real? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| Yeah, because like, yeah, Jordan, he was just soaring from college all the way up. | ||
| But you can't do that when you get your jiu-jitsu blackball, right? | ||
| Well, you can still, you know, you can compete. | ||
| You know, you could certainly, I mean, the guys who are the best in the world, all of them are completely obsessed with competing and training in jiu-jitsu. | ||
| But I think just for men, sometimes it's good to have some sort of avenue for aggressive behavior. | ||
| Just get it out of the way so you can chill out. | ||
| It's called Raiders games. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah! | |
| I really think that that's what a lot of douchey guys are missing in their life. | ||
| They're missing that outlet. | ||
| I agree with you to that. | ||
| And some girls, too, because girls now are just... | ||
| I've seen more girls fight each other than I've seen guys fight each other at clubs. | ||
| Yeah, I go to YouTube. | ||
| I don't go to clubs. | ||
| I watch that stuff from a distance, but yeah girls beat the fuck out of each other now that they've seen all these MMA girls who know how to beat the fuck out of each other I mean Ronda Rousey well first Gina Carano and Chris Cyborg those are the first ones like Gina Carano was like the first female superstar, but it never got as big As it is with the UFC. Like when Ronda Rousey became the first female superstar mixed martial artist, she became the first woman where dudes had to look at each other and go, do you think she can kick your ass? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And guys would be like, fuck no. | ||
| And the other guy would be like, fuck yes, she'd kick your ass. | ||
| No, she wouldn't, bro. | ||
| No, no, no, no. | ||
| Guy, she would kick your ass and they'd have these conversations. | ||
| That's like literally the first time ever. | ||
| Yeah, fuck yeah. | ||
| I've had that conversation. | ||
| How many women have got in the fights or started becoming a fighter because of her? | ||
| Probably a giant number. | ||
| Fuck yeah. | ||
| You know, I would love to see like Chola come out of prison and get into that shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Especially if she could get good. | ||
| She had a good coach. | ||
| So much of it, man. | ||
| Yeah, the coaching? | ||
| It's giant. | ||
| It's giant. | ||
| Say if you, George Perez, were a young guy, liked to fight, and you went to the wrong place, and they taught you bad things. | ||
| They taught you. | ||
| They have poor habits. | ||
| Their patterns, like how they fight, is too predictable. | ||
| They don't have a well-rounded game. | ||
| Or you get lucky. | ||
| You could go to like Firas Zahabi in Montreal. | ||
| There's a few guys, a handful of guys that are like the best guys in the world. | ||
| And you meet them and you realize like, oh shit, I got really lucky. | ||
| I found someone with like this deep reservoir of martial arts knowledge. | ||
| But there's only like 20 or 30 of those guys on the planet Earth. | ||
| There's such a small number of like really good mixed martial arts in particular instructors. | ||
| There's a bunch of really good traditional martial arts instructors, like jujitsu instructors, a ton of really good ones, a ton. | ||
| Taekwondo, the same, a lot for Muay Thai. | ||
| But as far as like MMA, just the full, like what martial arts really are today is the whole thing. | ||
| It's so hard to separate. | ||
| It's good to separate in terms of like... | ||
| Understanding who's the best at each individual skill, who's the best jiu-jitsu guy on the planet is not necessarily who the best MMA fighter on the planet is. | ||
| There's a difference. | ||
| And if the best MMA fighter on the planet competed in jiu-jitsu against the best jiu-jitsu guys, they'd probably lose. | ||
| And if the best jiu-jitsu guy competed against the MMA fighter in MMA, they would most likely lose. | ||
| So it's a real... | ||
| It's a balance you have to get as well, right? | ||
| Yeah, it's a balance. | ||
| And to put that balance together, there's a handful of people on the planet. | ||
| Yeah, it's just it's a so if you know a young guy wanted to Become a martial artist like it's so important of find a good school. | ||
| It's everything It's everything you could find someone who's a knucklehead that just likes teaching, you know, they like hearing their own voice Yeah, and they you know, they have their own system and they act like an asshole they act like a tough guy and You could run into one of those... | ||
| Like, we played a video on here a couple weeks back of... | ||
| I guess it was from the 80s. | ||
| It's this karate instructor. | ||
| They took this homeless guy off the street and they beat the fuck out of him on this video. | ||
| Stomp his head while it's on the ground. | ||
| I mean, it is hardcore. | ||
| Super hard to watch, but... | ||
| If you're a kid, you could stumble into that guy's gym, or you could stumble into AMC Pancration in Washington State with Matt Humes, like one of those small handful of guys that's among the best in the world. | ||
| You can get lucky or you could fuck up. | ||
| Shit, comedy's like that too. | ||
| Hell yeah. | ||
| Hell yeah. | ||
| Fuck yeah. | ||
| I've had to break so many bad habits. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, if you start off in the wrong spot around the wrong people, you think that's what comedy is. | ||
| Well, you can get lucky. | ||
| You know, you can get lucky and be in New York City. | ||
| You know, you could be lucky and be, you know, at the cellar and at the stand and walking around seeing all these comics just banging it out and constantly writing and developing new material. | ||
| Or you could fuck up and you could be born in, you know, some weird Midwest state that doesn't have a comedy scene. | ||
| You gotta figure out how to fucking get on stage somewhere. | ||
| Yeah, fuck that. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| If you're stuck somewhere that doesn't have a comedy scene and you want to try comedy, moving is fucking hard, man! | ||
| Yeah, dude, I live in Orange County and people are like, why don't you move to Hollywood? | ||
| I'm like, dude, I still, like, am close to you. | ||
| Like, I don't have to be there, but I'm so happy that I'm fucking from Orange County. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because I can go to Ontario, San Diego, all these other clubs that'll take you guys three hours. | ||
| It only takes me an hour either way. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So, fuck yeah, I got lucky. | ||
| Well, this whole area is a great, contrary to what people would think, is a great place to start. | ||
| And there's also, because the Comedy Store has so many comics that went from being like door people to being headliners, like everybody who's a comic at the Comedy Store is a comic. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| You know, there's like a group of all of us and we're all in the mix together. | ||
| From the guys who are still, I mean, I had one of the door guys on the podcast before. | ||
| I think that when you do stand-up comedy, you do stand-up comedy. | ||
| You know, and I think that Anything else like looking at it in any other way is is kind of it's It's kind of short-sighted, you know, we're all in this weird thing together in some weird way No, I hear you like when I first started I didn't even it was forbidden to go to the store Like that's what like I was told all dude. | ||
| They don't take Mexicans there and I'm like, oh Who told you that? | ||
| I don't remember. | ||
| What year was this? | ||
| It's like 2002, 2001. That's hilarious. | ||
| Yeah, and I was like, all right. | ||
| That's just somebody making shit up. | ||
| Yeah, then I meet Luke Torres and Johnny Sanchez, and they're like, hey, we're going to go start the time. | ||
| I was like, what the fuck? | ||
| Lucky to be there now. | ||
| I love that place. | ||
| I'm learning so much. | ||
| It's a trip, because somebody told me, it's the place for the zoo. | ||
| And I was just like, that's exactly what I am. | ||
| Look at me. | ||
| No other... | ||
| No other club's gonna look at me and be like, we want you to be the MC. Well, I remember I saw you. | ||
| First time I saw you there was a while back. | ||
| You were doing a roast battle. | ||
| And the first thing I said was like, this dude looks different than these other people. | ||
| I'm like, there's something dangerous about this guy. | ||
| Like, I've been around enough dangerous people where, like, dangerous people almost have like a smell to them. | ||
| We do. | ||
| Like, don't, don't, don't get stupid. | ||
| You know, because some people, I don't think they smell that. | ||
| I can meet someone, I swear to God, and if it's a guy who's been through a lot of shit, you can tell pretty quickly into talking to him. | ||
| They've legitimately seen a lot of character testing shit, like getting involved in prison riots or beating the fuck out of a guy and breaking his orbital bone at a basketball game. | ||
| There's people that have done shit like that. | ||
| They have a feel to them. | ||
| It's interesting. | ||
| I saw you doing your roast battle. | ||
| First of all, you were very funny. | ||
| I remember that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, thank you. | |
| Thank you. | ||
| I was like, sharp, funny, well-worded insults, which is like what roast battle's all about. | ||
| It's really, what they've done is created an amazing sort of a writer's show. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Really about performing and coming up with good ideas and good jokes. | ||
| And it's cool because it gives a guy like me a chance to go against people that I would never meet or ever hang out with. | ||
| And like, dude, they get to be in front of you, raw. | ||
| It's like all these guys, I get to see them instead of seeing them at a coffee shop. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I like that show. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| It's a great show. | ||
| It's fucking funny as hell too, man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So I remember seeing you there and then hearing your story. | ||
| I was like, God damn, that's a crazy story. | ||
| You have so much stuff that you could mine into. | ||
| Dude, it gets even crazier because nobody ever asked me, this is the crazy shit, Joe. | ||
| Prison was a fucking piece of cake. | ||
| The hardest shit was coming home. | ||
| It's kind of like you go away for a war. | ||
| I remember coming home and like... | ||
| I was the neat freak forever, and I tried to treat everybody in my house like they were inmates. | ||
| I'd be like, hey, who the fuck left hair? | ||
| My kids are like, dad, my bad fool. | ||
| And oh, yeah, like, I couldn't be around people too close. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| If I went to the store, like, I looked in the eye, hey, homie, I'm paying you here. | ||
| And people are like, what the fuck is wrong with this guy? | ||
| I would never text nobody. | ||
| Nobody would answer my call. | ||
| I'm like, what the fuck is there... | ||
| No one's answering my call. | ||
| Nobody wants to answer calls anymore. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's strange, right? | ||
| A lot of weird shit about getting out was the fucking transition of transitions. | ||
| So you were institutionalized? | ||
| Institutionalized. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Straight up. | ||
| And you were only in there for three years, man. | ||
| Imagine if you were in there for 20, 25. Fuck. | ||
| Well... | ||
| It's kind of like how you say it's who you affiliate yourself with. | ||
| And then, you know, when you come from the street, there's codes that just you're taught from the beginning that are going to follow you in there. | ||
| So it's kind of like I was taught by the right people and the codes to go in there and just to come out. | ||
| And to finally realize, like, hey, I'm not even going to gangbang no more. | ||
| I don't even give a fuck. | ||
| You can call me what you want to call me. | ||
| I'm living life now for my kids, and then for me, and then I need this new generation. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Right. | ||
| That was the whole weird transition as well. | ||
| It's just, like, being on parole. | ||
| Fuck, that was embarrassing. | ||
| Is there a feeling, like, hoping that you could pull it off? | ||
| I would imagine that something like parole, one of the big issues would be that if you know that someone's watching you and checking up on you all the time and evaluating you all the time, that puts almost additional pressure on you to fuck up. | ||
| There's like a psychological thing that happens to people. | ||
| You were talking about your brother putting all that pressure on you, and then you respond from it. | ||
| There's a pressure that you put on someone when you're monitoring their behavior. | ||
| And I understand that you have to do it, especially if someone's committed violent crimes. | ||
| You've got to make sure they're doing all right and they're not doing anything stupid. | ||
| You're letting them free, right? | ||
| I can understand it. | ||
| But I'm just saying that psychologically, it probably has an adverse effect on the person. | ||
| Like, that's gotta fuck with your head, man. | ||
| Oh, fuck yeah. | ||
| And it's, oh, shit. | ||
| What does it feel like to have to check in with somebody? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck. | |
| It sucks because it's kind of like, imagine having a girlfriend that can just be like, you know, fuck you, bitch, you're going to prison. | ||
| Oh, man. | ||
| That's exactly what it is. | ||
| It's like, you have to, like, why didn't you answer my call? | ||
| And I was like, I was on stage, asshole. | ||
| My bad. | ||
| I was working. | ||
| I can't answer. | ||
| And he was like, oh, okay. | ||
| Did they power trip on you? | ||
| Yeah, they power trip. | ||
| And plus, I was a high-risk inmate. | ||
| So you're high control. | ||
| When you're on parole, they get you as a... | ||
| What's that shit called? | ||
| I'm a high-risk inmate or normal parole. | ||
| Normal parole, all you do is check in once a month. | ||
| They don't come to your house. | ||
| Maybe you piss test. | ||
| I have to go into that office once a week. | ||
| Piss test every time I go in. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And he comes to visit me with only an hour notice. | ||
| Only an hour notice. | ||
| Sometimes, if you're lucky. | ||
| Sometimes we're just outside. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| That's so crazy, man. | ||
| And this is the crazy part, is this guy thought I was drug dealing, because I just got out of prison, and you're on parole for three years. | ||
| So my first year, I got out, and I couldn't work it out with my baby's mom. | ||
| She was different, and I became a different person. | ||
| I wasn't that gangster that, you know what I mean? | ||
| I came out like, nah. | ||
| So we just went our own ways. | ||
| My buddy just got a divorce and he had a badass house in Anaheim Hills. | ||
| And he goes, hey dog, like the bank's going to take the house. | ||
| I think you have like a year. | ||
| You can stay in there. | ||
| He's like, I don't want to stay there. | ||
| I hate that fucking house. | ||
| Me and my wife divorced. | ||
| So I was staying at this house for free and just paying the bills. | ||
| And my poor officer was like, how in the fuck do you have a better house than me? | ||
| So he thought you were dealing drugs. | ||
| He thought I was slanging. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| Yeah, and then like he was cool though because like he he finally like treated me like I was a normal person. | ||
| He confessed to me once. | ||
| He's like, man, this is bullshit, George. | ||
| He's like, I'm getting a fucking divorce. | ||
| He was getting divorced too. | ||
| And I guess they were cutting all the parole officers. | ||
| They were doing a cut. | ||
| So since he had bad credit, he couldn't be a casino cop. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Bad credit. | ||
| Yeah, if you have bad credit, you can't be a casino cop. | ||
| I wonder why. | ||
| I wonder if they think that you're too desperate for money. | ||
| Probably. | ||
| And then you might be able to accept bribes from people or something. | ||
| Yeah, probably. | ||
| But that was the only time that guy ever talked to me. | ||
| And it'd be like, hey, take a piss in front of me. | ||
| You know how weird that is? | ||
| Real weird. | ||
| They gotta look at your dick, right? | ||
| They gotta make sure you don't have a rubber dick. | ||
| No, for real. | ||
| So many people have been caught with those whizzinators. | ||
| No, what you do is you put bleach under your fingernail or those special things. | ||
| That's like no advanced. | ||
| That's what Joey Diaz says. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He said he put Clorox under the foreskin of his dick. | ||
| He was talking about it. | ||
| I one time... | ||
| I think he said he put Drano there too once. | ||
| I used to put coffee on my balls when I went to court. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Coffee? | |
| Just to have coffee. | ||
| I put it in a plastic bag and a rubber band and wrap it around my squirrel and go to court. | ||
| You look like a pimp just going to court. | ||
| You're in like a 50 people in a jail cell. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And you're just right there and nothing to do. | ||
| I want some coffee, homie. | ||
| For reals. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's like that. | |
| And then everyone's like, shoot it! | ||
| And it's like, when you're in there, you want it to be just like this. | ||
| Hey, man, there's no responsibility but just to be cool and be strong and fucking let's have fun, dog. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| So you knew to keep coffee on your ball so that you could have it once you'd be in prison? | ||
| No. | ||
| This is when I... No, I'm already in prison. | ||
| But sometimes you've got to go to court. | ||
| So I was going to court to get my license back. | ||
| Because you have the right to get your license back. | ||
| Even though you're in prison, you still have the right. | ||
| So they're like, alright, fuck it, we'll send you. | ||
| So I tied it, because knowing like, hey, there's not going to be no coffee for us. | ||
| But when I pull up to this, and the homies are going to be like... | ||
| Because you don't get in trouble for sneaking coffee. | ||
| They'll just like, hey, stupid ass, talk shit to you. | ||
| But it was just like bragging, having fun. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Sorry, that was weird, huh? | ||
| That's pretty funny, though. | ||
| That's hilarious, thinking about balls and coffee together. | ||
| Yeah, and no one's even like, oh, watch out. | ||
| It's a cup in the back. | ||
| No one gives a fun? | ||
| Give me a spoon, give me a spoon, give me a spoon. | ||
| Boom. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Because there's hot water in the restroom right there. | ||
| We get it from the sink. | ||
| Pretty weird. | ||
| It's strange when you think about it, or does it seem like normal? | ||
| Because it seems to me like, obviously you moved past that, you're doing well as a stand-up comedian now, you're out, but when you're talking about it, there's part of you that kind of misses the fun times like that, right? | ||
| Oh yeah, fuck yeah, you can see it. | ||
| But you don't want to go back. | ||
| Never, no! | ||
| So that's so crazy, isn't it? | ||
| Yeah, it's just like, I don't know man, it's kind of like, I was places with people for a long time that like became family to me for that. | ||
| And like, I don't know, I'm the kind of guy that like, hey man, when I'm your friend, I'm your friend. | ||
| And like, they're still my friends. | ||
| I'm like, I know a lot of people. | ||
| This is what I've been told by a lot of people. | ||
| You're the only fool I met that when he got out, answered my fucking phone call, didn't, like, people forget about you. | ||
| They don't want nothing to do with you. | ||
| It's happened to me where I've called people, they're like, hey, homie, that was just prison, dog. | ||
| I was like, oh shit, my bad. | ||
| So, yeah. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| So you get out of prison, they don't want to have nothing to do with you. | ||
| Yeah, I could see people wanting to move on with their lives, too, man. | ||
| I just think prison itself, it's got to be so devastating. | ||
| It's so crazy how many people we have locked up. | ||
| When you look at the numbers, the United States keeps... | ||
| Oh, they're not even telling you the truth. | ||
| They're not? | ||
| No. | ||
| Like, now they got T-bunks now. | ||
| Like, you don't even have day room no more, so you're in a prison. | ||
| Let's just say this is a prison right here. | ||
| Along the wall, there'd be cells. | ||
| And in the middle would be where you eat. | ||
| Now they have tea bunks. | ||
| They have bunks that are screwed into the concrete. | ||
| And people sleep. | ||
| Like, with no protection. | ||
| Imagine that shit. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| You and 50 other inmates just in a bunk. | ||
| In someone's big living room. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, it's getting overpopulated. | |
| The numbers are so insane, though. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And it's crazy. | ||
| I'm going to cut you off, but this is what trips me out. | ||
| I had friends that I was locked up with, and in Wasco, it's reception, so people come in and out, and my friends are like, oh yeah, everybody on this side, they get sent to Mississippi, and then they send all those. | ||
| They're sending our inmates to Mississippi, Alabama, Michigan. | ||
| And Michigan and they were getting a check from us. | ||
| And then at the end they bring us back and they send us home from somewhere over here. | ||
| Yeah, there's never been a time in history where a country has locked up more of its citizens than right now. | ||
| I can't imagine there's ever been a time. | ||
| I mean, I'm saying that pretty confidently, but I think they said that United States has more prisoners than... | ||
| It was a giant number when they compared it to the rest of the world. | ||
| Like, how many prisoners... | ||
| Just look it up. | ||
| Like, the United States prisoners in comparison to prisons combined, the rest of the world. | ||
| Because it's insane how many we have locked up. | ||
| We got more prisoners and illegal immigrants in California. | ||
| I'm sure. | ||
| I'm sure, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But what the fuck is the solution to that? | ||
| Like, that's a broken society. | ||
| If you have a million people locked up or whatever the hell we have locked up, don't we have something like a million? | ||
| How many? | ||
| But where does the funding come from? | ||
| So it trips me out. | ||
| How are they getting so much money off of it? | ||
| Well, there's a bunch of different ways. | ||
| First of all, it's a business. | ||
| Whenever a company is getting paid because people are in jail, that's a business. | ||
| If it's a state business or if it's a private business, they're still businesses. | ||
| Because they cost money. | ||
| And they cost money and people get paid to work there. | ||
| So as soon as people get paid to work there, they want to keep those jobs. | ||
| That's always going to be a problem. | ||
| And people get paid to work in prisons. | ||
| They're going to keep those jobs. | ||
| Also, they lobby. | ||
| They lobby hard. | ||
| The prison guard union lobby, cops lobby. | ||
| 2,220,300 adults were incarcerated in 2013. Wow. | ||
| Damn. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| Additionally, 4,751,400 adults in 2013 were on probation or parole. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whew. | |
| That's a lot. | ||
| Dude, that's one in every 51 people is on parole. | ||
| That is fucking crazy. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| And once you're on parole, you stay in the system. | ||
| That is a crazy number, man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's... | ||
| There's obviously too many things that are illegal. | ||
| There's a lot of people that want to do these things. | ||
| We've got to figure out what's violent crime, what's crime, what's violent crime, what does everybody agree you can't do? | ||
| Can't kill people. | ||
| Everybody agrees like certain shit. | ||
| Figure out what that is, and all that other shit you're locking people up for, stop! | ||
| Stop it! | ||
| Well, they get paid. | ||
| It's like you said, like every public defender gets, what, $800 for every time someone signs for time? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm sure there's that. | |
| But then there's also private prisons. | ||
| There's also prisons that get paid. | ||
| I mean, they're a business. | ||
| They start a prison so that they can make money by having people locked in their cages. | ||
| And then they probably sub them out and do work around the highway and stuff and make money off of that, huh? | ||
| Probably. | ||
| I don't know, but I would imagine if they made people work in your prison, and we've always seen people working in prisons, I would always assume that that's a big part of it. | ||
| And you can make boots. | ||
| We make our own boots, our own clothes in there, too. | ||
| That was one of my earliest jokes. | ||
| When I was like, it's probably a hack joke and I don't even know it, but when I was a kid, Live Free or Die was on the New Hampshire license plate. | ||
| And I was like, imagine that. | ||
| Live Free or Die. | ||
| What's fucked up about it is those plates are being made by prisoners. | ||
| So they're in jail, and they're writing live free or die on a plate. | ||
| What a mindfuck that must be. | ||
| Kill yourself, bitch. | ||
| Kill yourself, big client. | ||
| Kill yourself. | ||
| That was one of my earliest jokes. | ||
| I'm probably one of ten guys to come up with it though because it's so obvious. | ||
| You know, that was always the big thing, right? | ||
| License plates. | ||
| Yeah, license plates, and now it's everything. | ||
| Frigerators, microwaves. | ||
| They make refrigerators in prison? | ||
| It was always license plates, though, when we were kids, right? | ||
| That was always the thing. | ||
| Prisoners and license plates were connected for some strange reason. | ||
| And then in Mississippi and down south, they made the railroads, didn't they? | ||
| Probably. | ||
| I know they actually really did break rocks in some places. | ||
| They would literally make gravel with sledgehammers. | ||
| That's a great workout. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| It's the best workout. | ||
| I used to swing a sledge when I did construction. | ||
| I was a form setter. | ||
| I had an 8-pounder and 10-pounder sometimes when we had rough dirt. | ||
| Well, they do that a lot with, like, MMA conditioning classes. | ||
| They have people hit sledgehammers on tires and shit. | ||
| What's this, young Jamie? | ||
| It's a 13 thing. | ||
| 11 products you might not know were made by prisoners. | ||
| Oh, books for the blind. | ||
| Lingerie. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| These dudes are making lingerie. | ||
| Victoria's Secrets and JCPenney hired subcontractor, third generation, who in turn hired people to stitch their lingerie and leisure wear. | ||
| How many of those dudes licked those panties before they put them in those packages? | ||
| How many of them rubbed their ballsack on them? | ||
| Come on. | ||
| But that's why women want them, too, because they're like, a convict made this. | ||
| Yeah, they smell it. | ||
| They smell danger in those panties. | ||
| Park benches and picnic tables. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Military jackets and battle garb. | ||
| Wow, that's an interesting one. | ||
| "Federal Prison Industries, but this is nuts, better known as Unicor, consists entirely of convicts working in 89 factories. | ||
| Together they help clothe the United States military, making jackets, uniforms, helmets, shoes and even flak vests. | ||
| For police officers, they craft body armor and holsters." You know what they're going to say in the future? | ||
| They're going to look back and they're going to go, oh, this is a hilarious point in history because the people then didn't know that they had slaves. | ||
| They didn't think slavery existed. | ||
| They were like, slavery doesn't exist anymore. | ||
| But meanwhile, that is exactly what slavery is, regardless of what they did. | ||
| If someone murdered someone, there's an argument that they should be locked up. | ||
| But when they're working for 38 cents an hour because they murdered somebody, and they're making shit that people are buying, they're slaves. | ||
| Even if just the government's buying it, that's a slave. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right? | |
| Fuck yeah. | ||
| I just thought of that right now. | ||
| I was like, fuck, I've been a slave for three years. | ||
| That's a slave. | ||
| It's a slave. | ||
| You know, because people have always said, well, slavery is barbaric. | ||
| If you didn't know our culture, and you didn't know we accept this form of slavery as being punishment, restitution, And you didn't know that some people that are in there absolutely don't deserve to be in there, or were railroaded on trumped-up charges. | ||
| There's a percentage, whether it's one out of a hundred or whatever the fuck it is, that person's a real person in jail right now, and they're working as a slave to make body armor for 38 cents an hour. | ||
| Fuck you! | ||
| That's slavery. | ||
| That is slavery. | ||
| You just figured out a way to make it okay. | ||
| I figured out a way to make it okay. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| Colorado Correction Industries oversees approximately 60 inmate work programs. | ||
| Jailbirds at Fremont County Jail, for example, build fiberglass sealed canoes. | ||
| They use scraps from the prison's furniture shop and sell the canoes for around $1,500. | ||
| Other Colorado programs help craft those ubiquitous college dormitory desks and bookshelves. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| They make blue jeans. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| A lot of jeans people buy. | ||
| The Eastern Oregon Correctional Institute is home for a 47,000 square foot facility. | ||
| Prison blue jeans factory. | ||
| Yeah, it's getting paid. | ||
| A prison blue jean... | ||
| Horses? | ||
| What is horses? | ||
| They train wild mustangs, prepping them for adoption. | ||
| That is hilarious. | ||
| We gotta open up a prison. | ||
| Horses! | ||
| They capture wild horses and train them for adoption. | ||
| Did you know that that's an issue in America right now? | ||
| I'm just becoming aware of the issue of wild horses. | ||
| There's a wild horse issue in America. | ||
| What do you mean? | ||
| Horses that have gotten free and they've gone feral and they're wild and apparently there's tens of thousands of them. | ||
| Are they attacking anything? | ||
| No, no, they're not attacking anything. | ||
| They're not a danger. | ||
| It's just they're encroaching on farmland and they're becoming a new ant. | ||
| Well, look, at one point in time, horses roamed wild on the plains. | ||
| That was a long time ago. | ||
| Long, long, long time ago. | ||
| Then they actually went extinct in North America and they were brought here from other parts of the world where they originated in North America. | ||
| They brought them other places. | ||
| So there was a point in time somewhere in history where horses did run wild around here. | ||
| But they killed a lot of them. | ||
| They killed them and they used them. | ||
| They filled them with strychnine and fed them to wolves to kill off the wolf population. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, wow. | |
| Because they were trying to make everything safe for cattle raising. | ||
| That's fucking crazy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Dude, our country used to be this kind of wild area where all these animals roam free. | ||
| But when cattlemen moved across the country, they started doing these wild horses you're showing us, Jamie? | ||
| In Nevada. | ||
| Yeah, in Nevada. | ||
| Nevada has thousands of them, apparently. | ||
| But people see them there all the time. | ||
| I mean, it's a common occurrence. | ||
| I mean, these are like deer or like anything else. | ||
| These are giant, wild animals. | ||
| So what's really fucking weird is, you know, people are talking about hunting these things now because they're killing them. | ||
| And they were doing it in the early 1900s. | ||
| They would kill them and make dog food out of them. | ||
| Because they needed meat for pets. | ||
| Like, people really didn't have pets. | ||
| Like, there wasn't, like, a pet food industry the way there is today, you know? | ||
| People just fed their pet whatever the fuck they fed them, you know? | ||
| If you wanted a dog, you fed them scraps. | ||
| That was, like, a big thing, you know, feeding your dog table scraps. | ||
| But they started feeding them these horses. | ||
| So they started killing all these horses, and they would kill horses for dog food, and they would kill horses and feed them to wolves. | ||
| But for whatever reason, we didn't eat horses over here. | ||
| Yeah, that's fucking crazy. | ||
| So they were doing this in Denver or in Nevada? | ||
| That's in Nevada. | ||
| Those wild horses right there in that video. | ||
| Just wandered around the high country desert, I'm sure. | ||
| Yeah, because we have that problem with cats. | ||
| I'd fucking flip out if it was horses in the front of my fucking yard like that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, if you live out there, man, it's possible. | ||
| I mean, I don't know how many there are. | ||
| The real problem is not, like, there's just too many horses. | ||
| The real problem is there's too many horses that are going onto these people's land that raise cattle. | ||
| And the horses are grazing probably on the same field as the cattle are, and they're getting pissed off. | ||
| Yeah, taking the grass. | ||
| Yeah, that's most likely what it is. | ||
| If I had to guess, it's just a bunch of greedy cattle guys who don't, you know, they don't want to lose, call them greedy, whatever. | ||
| They're trying to protect their industry, protect their interests. | ||
| I understand that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But, like, at a certain point in time, we have to step in, I think, as humans and go, okay, is it a bad thing to have these horses? | ||
| Yeah, what are they herding? | ||
| They seem pretty cool. | ||
| It's kind of cool to have wild horses, isn't it? | ||
| Can we all agree? | ||
| It's kind of badass. | ||
|
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It's beautiful. | |
| They seem to be thriving. | ||
| But they're going to have to figure out a way to manage their population. | ||
| Because they're not going to get jacked by too many mountain lions the way deer do. | ||
| This horse is a big animal. | ||
| And they kick. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| I mean, I'm sure a mountain lion could kill a horse, don't get me wrong, but I don't think that'd be a lot of fun for the mountain lion. | ||
| No, it's 30 of them? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Do you think they'd back each other up? | ||
| I think the horse would back their horse up. | ||
| They do in Africa. | ||
| It's a different hood. | ||
| It's a different hood. | ||
| But it is still cats and prey, you know, carnivores and herbivores. | ||
| The buffaloes in Africa, they gang up and they go after lions when lions are attacking one of their own. | ||
| Oh yeah, I've seen that. | ||
| It's wild to see, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I was little. | ||
| My parents had a ranch in Mexico. | ||
| I used to have a horse. | ||
| People love horses, man. | ||
| Yeah, I didn't know how to tend to it, but I used to ride that fucker once in a while. | ||
| Did you know that Aztecs were so tripped out by horses, they used to cut their heads off too? | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Why? | ||
| Because that was their ritual. | ||
| They were offering blood to the sun god. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| So they would cut your head off, and then throw you down those steps, and then... | ||
| When Cortez came, that's what they did to the people at the end, and they did it to the horses. | ||
| Well, when Cortez came, wasn't that the first time they had ever seen a person on a horse? | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| They thought the person was a part of the horse? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They had blue eyes. | ||
| Isn't that crazy? | ||
| Imagine that. | ||
| You've never seen someone ride a horse. | ||
| No one's ever ridden an animal. | ||
| They've never seen a horse. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Then all of a sudden these dudes showed up riding animals. | ||
| On a boat with like jackets on and shit. | ||
| That would be like the... | ||
| You would be the biggest baller ever in the world. | ||
| You pulled up in a boat and you stepped off the boat on a horse. | ||
| You know? | ||
| You got a sword. | ||
| You're like, who is this fucking dude? | ||
| Can you imagine? | ||
| Those days must have been so crazy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you know, the crazy part is they say that Cortez tripped out when he was like, these fuckers have irrigation perfect, there's sewers perfect, everything's built perfect, but why are they cutting people's heads off and throwing these guys down the steps? | ||
| Well, if you look at the Mayan pyramids and some of the Aztec architecture that they developed in that part of the world, like they were on some crazy level that very few civilizations have ever been on. | ||
| The Mayan temples all aligned constellations, or at least most of them do. | ||
| So they had some sort of a deep knowledge and understanding of what they were seeing in the solar system. | ||
| There's also a lot of evidence apparently that they understood about the wobble, like the earth has a wobble called the procession of equinoxes and this wobble, it's like the earth doesn't spin in a perfect circle. | ||
| The earth spins in this like 26,000 year wobble. | ||
| I think it's 26,000 years, but the point is it doesn't spin perfectly and the stars change their position in the sky depending upon where in that cycle you are. | ||
| Well the Mayans knew that! | ||
| They had outlined that. | ||
| I mean, they developed some sort of a calendar that's as accurate, if not more accurate, than the calendar we use today. | ||
| They had figured out some crazy shit. | ||
| Yeah, in prison, that was like the thing you study. | ||
| It was crazy. | ||
| I have a couple of tattoos of gods from the Aztec. | ||
| This is a certain god. | ||
| They're all certain gods. | ||
| And yeah, it's all in that calendar. | ||
| It's pretty crazy. | ||
| I got the god on my chest of the day I was born on the year. | ||
| What god is that? | ||
| Xochipotla. | ||
| It's weird because he was like, he's a wolf. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I feel weird looking at your nipple, but I'm going to let go because it's good art. | |
| Is that a prison one? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| That's good work. | ||
| Yeah, this guy was solid right here. | ||
| He was with the business. | ||
| There's a few moments in history that I would really love to go back and just live in an invisible, bulletproof bubble and just be able to sit in the middle of a town and just watch these people. | ||
| But one of the big ones... | ||
| I think if I had to choose one, I think I'd have to take the Egyptian pyramid days. | ||
| I would love to see what the fuck that looked like. | ||
| But right up there is... | ||
| I went to Chichen Itza. | ||
| I went to the... | ||
| Where is that? | ||
| It's in... | ||
| It's like Cairo. | ||
| Real close to Cancun. | ||
| It's like maybe an hour and a half outside of Cancun. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| Mexico. | ||
| Yeah, Mexico. | ||
| It's the Yucatan, right? | ||
| Yes, Yucatan. | ||
| There's a couple of them down there. | ||
| There's a couple of different sites that have these Mayan ruins. | ||
| But we went to Chichen Itza. | ||
| And you're walking around and you're like, what the fuck? | ||
| Inspired them to do this This is that was the the pyramid that we went up. | ||
| Yeah, and you got to realize we're talking more than a thousand years ago They built this fucking thing and why why do you do it? | ||
| Like what is that? | ||
| They were really infatuated by the Sun. | ||
| Yeah, and they would always like they felt when that you gave the Sun blood Because they were so scared of dark. | ||
| They always wanted light and Look at that structure. | ||
| I remember going there and seeing that and going, who the fuck are these people? | ||
| Why'd they do this? | ||
| Perfect construction. | ||
| Every joint, it's locked in. | ||
| Our construction nowadays can't lock joints how those joints are locked in. | ||
| Well, they did an amazing job, that's for sure. | ||
| The engineering is impeccable. | ||
| Because we're looking at it in perfect form, essentially, except for a little bit of wear, more than a thousand years later. | ||
| And it's just beautiful. | ||
| Like, when you look at the construction of it and you walk around and you're like, this is some serious engineering. | ||
| And it's on the highest site, so no flooding. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, it's the way it faces the sun. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They killed a lot of fucking people there. | ||
| On that thing right there, that was where they would cut dude's fucking hearts out. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Right on top of that guy. | ||
| They would do it right on top of his... | ||
| He's like a little tray for human sacrifices. | ||
| He's actually a god. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's what it's for. | |
| He's actually a god. | ||
| They believe that he took those hearts into the underworld. | ||
| Dude, you should check it out. | ||
| It's some pretty bad drawings. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well... | |
| I had a guide when I was there. | ||
| We hired this guide who was a professor at a local university, and he doubled as a guide, and he'd give you a historical lesson about the entire place. | ||
| It was amazing, man. | ||
| It was amazing, because this guy knew so much about Mayan history, and he also said that they were really into eating psychedelic plants. | ||
| He said that there was this place that would go that something had like lysergic acid in it, which is like one of the elements in LSD, apparently. | ||
| What does LSD stand for? | ||
| Lysergic... | ||
| But a lysergic acid is in there. | ||
| But he was saying that they believed that whatever they had was some sort of a psychedelic LSD-like compound. | ||
| And they had this room. | ||
| And he took us to this room where they would do it in. | ||
| Yeah, they had like a specific room in one of the structures. | ||
| This specific room where they would do their psychedelic rituals. | ||
| They were tripping their balls off. | ||
| That's how they saw that shit. | ||
| Yeah, they're cutting people's heads off. | ||
| Have you ever seen Apocalypto? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The little kids right there telling mom, hurry up! | ||
| And it's like, what the fuck is going on? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's a crazy time in the world. | ||
| I would love to see that time. | ||
| What's your other one? | ||
| You said Mayan, and then you said the Egyptian. | ||
| You said you wanted to go to another place. | ||
| Another time. | ||
| Genghis Khan. | ||
| Oh, yeah? | ||
| You want to be around with that shit? | ||
| I want to see that. | ||
| I want to see what the fuck that was like. | ||
| To take them on or to join? | ||
| No, no, no, no. | ||
| To watch, see how crazy life was back then. | ||
| I wouldn't want to live. | ||
| I wouldn't want to live in any of those times. | ||
| But I would want to, if I could ever, if someone does legitimately one day come up with a time machine and say, it's like, dude, it's 10 grand, but you can go back and go to Egypt for like an hour. | ||
| You got a PayPal ahead of time? | ||
| Yeah, I mean, people would totally save up. | ||
| I mean, think about it. | ||
| It costs a couple thousand bucks if you're going to go to Hawaii, right? | ||
| Like, plane fare and hotel room and then your food. | ||
| You know, you're into it, right? | ||
| Yeah, no, 10 grand, but for how long are you gone? | ||
| An hour. | ||
| One hour. | ||
| One hour in Egypt. | ||
| Fuck, I like this. | ||
| One hour in Egypt during, like, some sort of a ceremony and actually be there and get a chance to see it. | ||
| When Moses was in the river and shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck! | |
| Imagine what it would be like to see those sacrifices that, like, when they built... | ||
| What was it? | ||
| The pyramid of... | ||
| How do you say it? | ||
| Teotihuacan? | ||
| How do you say that? | ||
| The Aztec pyramid? | ||
| See if you can find that. | ||
| They killed 80,000 people inside of a few days in sacrifices. | ||
| It's the religion, the belief, and... | ||
| There was nothing to do, but yeah, fuck. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| But stop and think of that number. | ||
| 80,000 people. | ||
| And I believe it was within a few days. | ||
| I think they killed all the people that worked on the pyramid. | ||
| All the slaves that worked on the pyramid. | ||
| All of them got the knife. | ||
| They didn't want to pay Social Security. | ||
| They were the first ones that were like, these motherfuckers are getting work comp or nothing. | ||
| How insane is that time of life? | ||
| Like, that humans had agreed to that. | ||
| That that was gonna be, that was the plan. | ||
| We got these slaves, we got them to build this thing, then we're gonna cut their hearts out, right? | ||
| We're cool with this, right? | ||
| Everybody's on board? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, definitely. | ||
| Let's cut their hearts out. | ||
| Like, this is people. | ||
| This is human beings. | ||
| This is a totally different time in the world And really not that long ago. | ||
| Yeah, and it's kind of weird because it's like they didn't even care if there was no more people left. | ||
| How do they know there's not other people left? | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| They might be the last people. | ||
| Damn. | ||
| Cutting 85,000 dudes or 80,000 dudes' hearts out. | ||
| Imagine the guys that had to clean up all that shit, though. | ||
| 80,000 bodies. | ||
| Ooh, I bet they did a shitty job. | ||
| How about that? | ||
| I bet they weren't very motivated. | ||
| They're gonna fucking kill me too, man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Take your time, bitch. | ||
| Take your time. | ||
| I mean, how is the body cleaner... | ||
| Well, that was one of the things they said about Genghis Khan, that when Genghis Khan died, they buried him, and then they killed all the people that buried him, and then they killed the people that killed the people that buried him. | ||
| Fuck! | ||
| That's a super hit! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Gah! | |
| Angster! | ||
| That's as gangster as it gets! | ||
| You kill everybody. | ||
| Everybody that has any idea where he's buried. | ||
| So no one could ever find the Great Khan. | ||
| So only the guy that ordered the hit knows, huh? | ||
| Even he doesn't know. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck! | |
| Everybody's dead. | ||
| The people that ordered, they killed them, too. | ||
| They killed everybody. | ||
| So no one knows. | ||
| No one knows where it is. | ||
| I just would've burned the body in acid. | ||
| And they're like... | ||
| Good call. | ||
| No, I think they have to, they have rituals. | ||
| Like, I think, you know, in order to, if you're a Mongol, in order to make it to the next stage of life, you probably have some, they probably have some crazy rituals. | ||
| Yeah, you're gonna come back with a motorcycle. | ||
| But that point in history seems like it would be pretty insane. | ||
| They said that Genghis Khan killed like 10% of the, there was a New York Times article about it, that he killed 10% of the world's population and He apparently changed the carbon footprint of the human race, meaning it killed so many fucking people. | ||
| There was less soot in the air. | ||
| There was less carbon because of fires. | ||
| It changed the way the foot, what our residue on Earth is when they do those coarse samples. | ||
| That's insane, man. | ||
| You gotta, if anybody listened to this, if you haven't, you might have heard this before, but I have to say it to people that haven't. | ||
| Hardcore history. | ||
| There's a guy named Dan Carlin. | ||
| He was on last week. | ||
| He's fucking awesome. | ||
| He's the best ever at, like, doing history podcasts. | ||
| The guy's a monster. | ||
| Him and Daniele Bolelli. | ||
| He's awesome, too. | ||
| He's got a series on the Genghis Khan days called The Wrath of the Khan. | ||
| It's a five-part series. | ||
| You can get it on iTunes. | ||
| It's like... | ||
| $1.99 a show or something like that, but they're hours and hours long folks there I can't I can't it used to be free But he does like the first X amount of free and then because he only does them like it takes months to put one of these out It's not like asking someone to pay for a regular podcast. | ||
| It's like an audiobook Okay. | ||
| Does he go out to all these places? | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| I mean, I don't know. | ||
| He studied the Mongols ever since he was in college. | ||
| He wrote a report about it. | ||
| It was part of the podcast series that he does on it. | ||
| He talks about his history with the history of the Mongols, but... | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| And that's what got me excited about the Mongols and starting to check it out. | ||
| I just would love to see what crazy points in time looked like. | ||
| How as humans, how we evolved with thinking and fighting and shit like that? | ||
| I mean, there's levels of craziness in this world right now, right? | ||
| Like somewhere, there's some dudes that are working as slaves making blue jeans for some company, right? | ||
| I mean, and they're prisoners. | ||
| There's that world. | ||
| There's a world that you experience when you're in the county and a riot breaks out. | ||
| This world's very different than the world that most people experience. | ||
| But our world itself, like all the variables that we know that are possible, whether it's prison or war or all these things that we know to be possible, they're very different than it was 1,000 years ago or 2,000 or whatever the Egypt was 4,500 plus years ago that they were building the Great Pyramid apparently. | ||
| Yeah, fucking life would have been crazy. | ||
| Insane. | ||
| I mean, I can't even imagine. | ||
| When they say the Great Pyramid, I think they said it's 2,500 B.C. is when they carbon test it, like some of the stuff in it, which is... | ||
| 4,000 plus years ago, you'd have to like hold your head. | ||
| You would hurt your head to think of how long ago that was. | ||
| Hundreds and hundreds of years and people living and dying and change occurring and things and the climate shifts and the, you know, the earthquakes, catastrophe. | ||
| So many things, man. | ||
| So much craziness. | ||
| And it's so long. | ||
| And if you go that far back... | ||
| These motherfuckers built some insane shit that we can't barely build today. | ||
| We would have to have a team of engineers from all over the world with the biggest cranes ever to try to put together one of those in just a decade or two decades. | ||
| Imagine, like, the machines wouldn't even work in that climate. | ||
| They wouldn't even know how to adjust to the sand. | ||
| They'd have to make better machines. | ||
| I mean, it could be done. | ||
| I think it could be done, but it's not simple. | ||
| What they did was so spectacular, and the idea that they did it 2,500 BC, 4,500 plus years ago. | ||
| That's fucking crazy. | ||
| It's hard to imagine. | ||
| They did that shit before Jesus. | ||
| I would love to see it, man. | ||
| I would love to see it. | ||
| I would just love to see what it looked like back then. | ||
| Like, what happened? | ||
| Like, the first day they were done? | ||
| Imagine how that? | ||
| Just what it would be like to live in that era. | ||
| Like, what were their markets like? | ||
| How smart were they? | ||
| Like, I would love to be able to speak their language and talk to one of them from back then. | ||
| Because I just think that someone who builds that, they must have been insanely smart. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Insane. | |
| Insane. | ||
| But also, I mean, I agree with what you're saying, but they were kind of like assholes because didn't they have slaves as well? | ||
| No, that was a common misconception. | ||
| They thought that they had slaves until pretty recently, but now they realize by the quality of the food and the pottery that they had in their shelters that they were highly paid workers. | ||
| That's the new theory. | ||
| The new theory is to get someone to build something like that. | ||
| See, the thing is... | ||
| It's so hard to know. | ||
| They might have been slaves that were taken care of really well. | ||
| It's so hard to know, because it's so long ago, and they're basing it just on pottery and bones, like the type of food that they ate. | ||
| They ate well. | ||
| But you'd have to eat well if you're moving these giant stones, too. | ||
| It would be within your best interest to keep your slaves super healthy. | ||
| They have to move stones all day. | ||
| And it's funny, because we just have a theory of how they did it with ropes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How did they really do it? | ||
| We don't know. | ||
| There's a bunch of different theories. | ||
| Making ramps and stuff. | ||
| None of them are really very good. | ||
| Because I think none of them address the possibility that they had some kind of technology or understanding that we don't have anymore. | ||
| Whether it's some sort of a machine they created or some sort of a lever system they created. | ||
| It is entirely possible that, like, when you're talking about your time in prison, or people making tattoo guns out of... | ||
| Wire and you know taking something from a broom and sharpen it and sterilizing it and making the soot and doing it for days like that kind of ingenuity just in three years of prison imagine three thousand plus years of people trying to get by And make do during this weird time where there's no electricity, there's no engines, there's no... | ||
| They have the same kind of mind that you have today, that I have today. | ||
| They're like modern people, but they lived in this time where there was no modern inventions. | ||
| And they figured out how to make pyramids. | ||
| On point. | ||
| And then I guess there's like... | ||
| They say that the way that the sun hits a certain thing in there... | ||
| Well, some of them, yeah, but it depends on what time of year. | ||
| Again, because of that precession of the equinoxes, the way the Earth wobbles, it depends on what time of year, it depends on what year the cycle is. | ||
| This precession of the equinoxes also points to the fact that that Sphinx, at one point in time, probably, I think, somewhere like 10,500 years ago, faced the Sun. | ||
| Face the constellation Leo. | ||
| So there's a reason why the lion was facing in that direction. | ||
| Because they had apparently the zodiac constellations. | ||
| Even like way as back as the Sumerians. | ||
| I think they had all the signs of the zodiac way back then. | ||
| Like they had the fish and the lady with the scales, all that jazz. | ||
| I'm pretty sure they had those constellations way, way, way the fuck back then. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| Yeah, it's like you said. | ||
| Dude. | ||
| I could barely put my tent up. | ||
| That's not true, man. | ||
| You were talking about, you know, living in prison, adapting. | ||
| You would adapt everywhere. | ||
| Yeah, but, like, see... | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| You made me understand something. | ||
| That's why I was kind of like, to me, I feel like they were in prison, too. | ||
| The only reason I adapted to it was because I had nothing else to do but what was there. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So, like, they have, like, what's there. | ||
| But, like, now that, like, I have all this... | ||
| My friend told me this. | ||
| He goes... | ||
| Sorry, I talk weird. | ||
| I jump in and out. | ||
| He goes, Hey, dog, when you're in prison... | ||
| Right. | ||
| Because you're confined. | ||
| Now that you're home, don't sit at the fucking house. | ||
| Go do shit because you've been wanting to do stuff. | ||
| But then I catch myself sitting at home like, I'm so used to this. | ||
| Get out. | ||
| Get out. | ||
| You're not going to get arrested. | ||
| The trap. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So, fuck yeah. | ||
| I could imagine that they were just like, there's nothing else to do. | ||
| Let's build a pyramid. | ||
| Yeah, and the world was a prison. | ||
| I mean, think of how barbaric the world was 4,500 plus years ago. | ||
| How barbaric was the world? | ||
| How was the weather? | ||
| Do we have proof of how the weather was? | ||
| They think that up until around 9,000 BC, it was a tropical rainforest, which is really interesting. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, wow. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| They think that it resembled the same rainforest you see in the Amazon. | ||
| They think it was a beautiful rainforest. | ||
| But the climate shifted, for whatever reason. | ||
| And that's one of the main arguments that the Sphinx is way older than people think it is. | ||
| It's because it has all this water erosion all throughout the outside of it. | ||
| It's a very hotly debated issue. | ||
| There's some archaeologists that refuse to believe it because that would indicate that it was made somewhere, not just 9000 BC, but thousands of years before that because it has thousands of years of water erosion on it. | ||
| They think that erosion is wind and sand. | ||
| It's a real hotly debated subject, and I'm not really smart enough or educated enough to make a call either way, but when I look at it, and you listen to geologists like this guy, Dr. Robert Schock from Boston University, kind of staked his reputation on it, because he's received a lot of criticism, but he's like, this is thousands of years of rainfall that's made this erode like this. | ||
| Yeah, it's in your face. | ||
| Which means they built that thing thousands of years even before that. | ||
| Like, we want to think that the Egyptian civilization neatly arrived around 2500 BC. And there's no way it could be any earlier than that because, you know, people just back then didn't know anything. | ||
| Well, how the fuck did they know how to do it then? | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| That doesn't make any sense either. | ||
| Like, it doesn't make less sense that people knew how to do it at 9000 BC. It's all crazy. | ||
| Whatever they did was amazing. | ||
| Yeah, and they lived like ballers. | ||
| They always had gold. | ||
| They have gold everywhere. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Yeah, look at King Tut. | ||
| Like, look at their sarcophagus. | ||
| Is that it? | ||
| Sarcophagus? | ||
| Covered in fucking gold leaf and shit. | ||
| They were great artists. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Well, they wrote in symbols. | ||
| They had these weird ways of writing where they, like, images were symbols. | ||
| So, you know, we look at a word, like you look at the word sandwich. | ||
| Okay, see those letters laid out, and they have an image in your mind, and that becomes your form of language. | ||
| That's your written language. | ||
| But they had an image-based language, so it's a very different way of thinking. | ||
| Like, so did the Mayans had another one. | ||
| image-based kind of a language too. | ||
| Those image-based languages are very bizarre because you've got to realize language and the way it's used shapes the world. | ||
| And one of the big problems that we're having as comedians is the subtlety of the English language and the things that people can and can't be offended by. | ||
| So instead of conveying pure intent, instead of anything you're saying conveying pure intent, there's this giant variable of what you can and can't say, what you should and shouldn't be able to say, what is offensive to some people, what you think is okay because you feel what is offensive to some people, what you think is okay because you feel this There's so much going on with the English language. | ||
| But you've got to think that if your language was based In images, it would probably have a different feel to it. | ||
| I would wonder what that feel would be like. | ||
| That's interesting how you said that, yeah, because we sound shit out and others like, no, this is what it means. | ||
| They must have, they obviously have a spoken language that's really weird, too. | ||
| I don't know what the Egyptians spoke. | ||
| I want to say they probably spoke Egyptian. | ||
| What the fuck did they speak? | ||
| If you ask people, like, what did the Egyptian, the ancient Egyptians speak, you'd be like, ooh, I never thought of that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Egyptian? | ||
| It'd have to be. | ||
| Well, apparently they had a gigantic library, the Library of Alexandria, and it was burned a long, long time ago. | ||
| Coptic. | ||
| Oh, there it is. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Until late 17th century AD, the form of Coptic. | ||
| It was Egyptian. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| The national language of modern-day Egyptian is Egyptian Arabic, which gradually replaced Coptic as the language of daily life. | ||
| That's bizarre, right? | ||
| Oh, after the Muslims' conquest in Egypt, Coptic is still used as the liturgical language of the Coptic Church. | ||
| Wow, Coptic, huh? | ||
| I would have had a hard time with that word, too. | ||
| What is this? | ||
| King Tut's dagger made from iron from the sky. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| They found a dagger that was King Tut's that came from a meteor. | ||
| They took a meteor and hammered it out. | ||
| Yeah, but there's a guy who does that today. | ||
| He makes custom knives made out of meteors. | ||
| If you Google Anthony Bourdain had a knife made out of a meteor, How do you get the meteor? | ||
| Well, you can collect them. | ||
| There's enough of them land in places where people have collected them, and you can actually buy meteorites. | ||
| Yeah, it's literally iron from space. | ||
| So they take this iron from space, and I want to say his name is Klein, Klein Knives, but he's Steve Klein? | ||
| Is that his name? | ||
| No, that's not his name. | ||
| Kramer, that's it. | ||
| Steve Kramer. | ||
| Bob Kramer. | ||
| Steve Klein is an awesome pool cue maker. | ||
| My bad. | ||
| This Bob Kramer guy. | ||
| How did they melt it, like, at a certain degree? | ||
| Yeah, they put it inside of this crazy furnace, and see, this is what he's doing here. | ||
| Scroll down there so we can look at it. | ||
| There we go. | ||
| That's him hammering down These bars of steel that came from a meteorite. | ||
| And that's how they make a knife. | ||
| They take it and they keep hammering it and they keep throwing it to the fire and hammering it. | ||
| This guy, Bob Kramer, does it all himself. | ||
| I mean, he does it like the old school way, obviously with new equipment, but it's all from the beginning. | ||
| Like, he takes the metal and crafts it and turns it into this insane looking knife. | ||
| And at the end of the day, I mean, you're cutting your food with a meteor. | ||
| Some from space. | ||
| That's insane. | ||
| Dude, iron from space. | ||
| Apparently it's one of the things that we're most terrified of when it comes to asteroids. | ||
| It's that some asteroids are just made out of iron. | ||
| And it'll just slice right through. | ||
| Just imagine an asteroid that's the size of Manhattan and it's all iron. | ||
| And it's coming at us 45,000 miles an hour. | ||
| Boom! | ||
| And it just rips the ocean in half. | ||
| I think they said that if an asteroid that size, like the one that killed the dinosaurs, the one that hit the Yucatan, they said that within seconds, it was miles deep into the Earth. | ||
| Miles deep. | ||
| That's... | ||
| Like, that's how... | ||
| That's fucking... | ||
|
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Miles deep. | |
| Imagine... | ||
| Just imagine that, like, the impact that something has to have... | ||
| See, that's... | ||
| No, something the size of a city to go miles deep in the earth within seconds. | ||
| That's I would want to see that for some like my sick mind I would want to see that just to look down to see what's in there Yeah, I've seen those animated ones they do online you get a look at like an ad but you know that's not really happening It doesn't really have the same effect like you're okay. | ||
| Yeah, I get it. | ||
| I get that's what it would look like But I think seeing it happen seeing that thing coming down What's fucked up is man you look up at the moon and it's just covered in craters and Covered. | ||
| You go, well, the moon is just, man, why does the moon keep getting hit? | ||
| We keep getting hit, too! | ||
| We're just covered in plants and shit. | ||
| We don't see it anymore. | ||
| We got water and plants that have made us forget. | ||
| The moon doesn't have an atmosphere, too, so it burns up. | ||
| We lose a lot of the asteroids that are coming in because of the atmosphere, or the asteroids, meteorites, whatever they are, meteors. | ||
| But the moon doesn't have any of that shit, so it comes crashing down. | ||
|
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But I just think that we've been hit a bunch of times. | |
| We've been hit a bunch of times. | ||
| We just forgot. | ||
| I've never even thought of that. | ||
| I'm tripping out on that right now. | ||
| I know this weed's good, but I'm fucking like, whoa, it's crazy. | ||
| Tweed's very good. | ||
| And speaking of the moon, remember the Mayans discovered that the rabbit was on the moon? | ||
| Have you seen that? | ||
| That's their signal. | ||
| They say there's a rabbit face on the moon. | ||
| There probably is. | ||
| Don't we always see the same side of the moon, too? | ||
| The moon doesn't spin, correct? | ||
| I don't think it does. | ||
| I think the moon does not spin. | ||
| The moon faces us the same way all the time. | ||
| Pretty sure. | ||
| So, that would make sense. | ||
| The man on the moon. | ||
| There was some science thing from a long time ago, man, where they thought they saw canals on Mars. | ||
| They were convinced when they first started looking at Mars, there was canals. | ||
| And they were like, holy, yeah, that's what they thought. | ||
| They thought they were not right, you know, but they were like, holy shit, we're looking at a civilization on Mars. | ||
| Like, people were preparing themselves to make contact with the Martians. | ||
| I trip out on us as humans. | ||
| We always want to go find something else and go kick it with something else. | ||
|
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It's like, fuck that. | |
| I know there's someone over there. | ||
| I know there's someone at Mars we keep knocking, but we won't open. | ||
| I know. | ||
| Yeah, I remember one time I had this thought where I was just like, what if humans are so smooth that we've already been on Mars and Saturn and all that and we just fuck them up so we can't live there no more and that's why we're here and that's why we keep looking. | ||
| For other ones to fuck up. | ||
| Well, if we found someone over there and they talk shit, we'd definitely fuck them up. | ||
| That's a fact. | ||
| You tell them we would fuck up people in Afghanistan, we wouldn't fuck up people on the moon? | ||
| Does the moon rotate? | ||
| Yeah, it does. | ||
| It does. | ||
| It spins. | ||
|
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Oh, wow. | |
| It's a synchronous rotation. | ||
| Oh, it spins as we spin. | ||
| So we don't see it spinning? | ||
| Oh, interesting. | ||
| So we see the same side every time. | ||
| Yeah, that's one of those flat Earth things that I was going to add in. | ||
| It doesn't spin. | ||
| The moon orbits the Earth once every 27.322 days. | ||
| It also takes apparently 27 days for the moon to rotate on its axis. | ||
| As a result, the moon does not seem to be spinning, but appears to observers from Earth to be keeping almost perfectly still. | ||
| Scientists call this synchronous rotation. | ||
| That's cool. | ||
| That's fucking cool. | ||
| How does all that happen and stay in sequence and just rock and roll? | ||
| I fucking love it. | ||
| Well, how does it float up there? | ||
| How come it's not landing on our fucking head? | ||
| None of it makes sense. | ||
| Like, explain that. | ||
| How come the fucking asteroids come flying in, but the moon just hovers? | ||
| What if the moon just decided to jack us? | ||
| You haven't paid your light bills forever, motherfuckers, and takes off. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But they say that the moon is like a residue of when the Earth was created. | ||
| That there was Earth-1... | ||
| The scientists have a model of Earth-1 and Earth-2. | ||
| And Earth-1 was like this giant ball of fire and gases. | ||
| And we got hit with another planet. | ||
| Like in the early days of development of the Earth. | ||
| Like another planet collided with Earth. | ||
| And that's what created the moon. | ||
| And that's what stabilized its orbit. | ||
| And that's the reason why apparently we can survive... | ||
| Because if it wasn't for the moon, we wouldn't have a steady atmosphere. | ||
| We wouldn't have a steady temperature. | ||
| We wouldn't have a steady orbit. | ||
| It would vary too widely, and we would have never developed. | ||
| We'd all be like tardigrades in the bottom of the ocean or some shit. | ||
| Some weird little indestructible nuclear single-cell, multi-celled organisms or something. | ||
| That is fucking crazy. | ||
| Yeah, what's the matter? | ||
| What's the matter, Jamie? | ||
| I'm trying to find that. | ||
| The only thing that comes up when I type in Earth 1 and Earth 2 is a lot of stuff about DC Comics. | ||
| Oh, no, it was from... | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| It was Earth 1 and Earth 2. They actually talked about it in the Sumerian text, which is really kind of fascinating. | ||
| The Sumerian text talked about Earth's collision. | ||
| There was a thing called the planets Tiamat and Marduk, and they collided, and they created Earth, and also created the Moon. | ||
| What's interesting about that is that they had figured this out, 6,000-something years ago. | ||
| Like, this is even older than the pyramids. | ||
| Oh, yeah? | ||
| Yeah, it's really old. | ||
| The ancient Sumerians were the oldest as far as, like, what we currently know of as an... | ||
| You know, it changes all the time. | ||
| They find new stuff all the time. | ||
| But as far as what the archaeologists know of today, it's the oldest written language, the oldest mathematics. | ||
| Like, a gang of that stuff is thought to be from that part of the world. | ||
| So the same part of the world... | ||
| Also knew about all the planets in the right orbit, in the right size. | ||
| It's really strange. | ||
| Without a telescope? | ||
|
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Dude! | |
| We don't know what they knew. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They might have had a... | ||
| They had these drawings in clay tablets where they had to picture the sun, and they would picture it would have Earth, it would have Venus, it had Jupiter, all these planets. | ||
| Like, the big ones were where the big ones were, the smaller ones were the small... | ||
| I mean, they're the right size. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Like, how the fuck did they know this? | ||
| It's kind of like they're like, alright, make a ride over there and go, like if they were going somewhere. | ||
| It's almost like they somehow or another could see them. | ||
| How they could see them, I don't understand. | ||
| I don't know what they figured out. | ||
| But they figured out something. | ||
| What is this, Jamie? | ||
| This is Zachariah Sitchin's, or a diagram of what he described happened. | ||
| See, there's a problem with Sitchin, though. | ||
| I'm obviously not a fucking scholar, but the ones who are, they go over his stuff, and a lot of them don't agree with it. | ||
| And there's an actual website, it's called SitchinIsWrong. | ||
| It might be.org or.com, and it's all, like, poking holes.com. | ||
| His stuff is fun as fuck though. | ||
| It's fun to believe because he thinks that we were created by aliens. | ||
| He thinks aliens came from a planet called Nibiru and they came down here and they did genetic manipulations with lower primates and they created human beings. | ||
| That's pretty crazy. | ||
| It's the best. | ||
| It's so fun. | ||
| I trip out on how people say that the Egyptians were having sex with aliens because of the old hieroglyphs they found. | ||
| Like, they have aliens with their penises out with, like, civilization. | ||
|
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I think you might have been reading some websites. | |
| For real? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They had alien penises in the hieroglyphs? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I thought I'd seen it all. | ||
| No, I read a book in prison called The Biggest Secret by David Eckstein or Eckstein, something like that. | ||
| And they show you the pictures in there. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| I haven't seen that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Hmm. | ||
| Was it David Icke? | ||
| It wasn't David Icke. | ||
| It might have been. | ||
| It's been a long time. | ||
| It was just because you only got certain books, but... | ||
| David Icke's that guy that thinks it was him. | ||
| I don't even know if he thinks this anymore, but he used to think that the top leaders of the world were all reptilians. | ||
| Yes, that's the guy. | ||
| That's the guy, yeah. | ||
| I don't think that's correct. | ||
| I'll just tell you what I tripped out on. | ||
| Those are three times for sure that I would want to go back to. | ||
| If you had to choose a place in time where you could go back and just check it out, what would it be? | ||
| Me? | ||
| I'd want to go back to the dinosaur time. | ||
| Ooh, that good call. | ||
| I fucked up. | ||
| I should give up one of mine for dinosaurs. | ||
| I gotta give up Genghis Khan for the dinosaur days. | ||
| Nah, Genghis Khan's gangster too. | ||
| I gotta give up somebody. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I definitely want to go back. | ||
| I don't know, just to... | ||
| Fuck, dude. | ||
| It was their land. | ||
| And then just because I'm Mexican, I'd want to go back to like the... | ||
| When Cortez came to Yucatan. | ||
| That time. | ||
| The Montezuma days. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| You know what's crazy, man? | ||
| Whenever they're building shit in Mexico City, they're always, like, digging into the ground, and they gotta halt construction. | ||
| Stop! | ||
| Stop! | ||
| They find something all the time. | ||
|
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They find some shit. | |
| They found a temple. | ||
| They find jewelry. | ||
| They find something. | ||
| It's all over the place up there. | ||
| I guess there's this new airplane that shoots. | ||
| It's like, you know how you could do an ultrasound on a body? | ||
| The airplane radar does an ultrasound on the dirt or whatever, the floor, the ground. | ||
| And they're trying to find temples over there now. | ||
| Eddie Bravo was right. | ||
| The Zappanus was raised from the sky to try to find money. | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
| He was just wrong with the method. | ||
| Man, I think there's a gang of shit under there, but it's crazy because it's not that long ago. | ||
| No, it's not. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Cortez was what? | ||
| That was the 1400s? | ||
| When did Cortez come here? | ||
| I would say the 1400s. | ||
| And then the reason that the temples ain't even there no more is because Catholicism took it out. | ||
| Catholicism came in and then they buried the temples and built churches over the temples. | ||
| Isn't that crazy? | ||
| Like, they built churches over the... | ||
| That's a big thing in Egypt, too. | ||
| They're finding, like, one period of construction, and then on top of that period of construction, there's some newer, more modern shit. | ||
| And as they go on to the modern shit, they're like, oh, they built the modern shit on top of the older shit. | ||
| Like, what the fuck were they doing? | ||
| But they did it a gang of times in history, they think. | ||
| Well, are we doing it right now? | ||
| Like, aren't we building a new coliseum over the old fucking coliseum? | ||
| Yeah, that's what we do. | ||
| We tear down houses. | ||
| People literally buy what they call a teardown house. | ||
| You buy a house that's run down, but it's on a nice lot. | ||
| And, you know, it's a big investment, honey, but I think a teardown's the right move. | ||
| You tear down that house and build a beautiful house in that spot. | ||
| And it has an original foundation. | ||
| Yeah, man, that's a sad thing because when I was doing construction on the East Coast, you would run across these buildings that had these old-school nails. | ||
| Their nails were... | ||
| Like galvanized, right? | ||
| Well, they were like a wedge. | ||
| It wasn't like a circle with a straight line. | ||
| Like, you know, a nail has a point at the end of it, but then it's a perfect kind of a perfect cylinder all the way up to the top and it's got a flat head. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| These old nails weren't like that. | ||
| These old nails were like a wedge. | ||
| It was like a steel wedge because they were making them in a blacksmith. | ||
| So the nails had like a top flat part where you could hammer it in, but instead of having like a long, straight... | ||
| It was actually a wedge, and the pointy end was the bottom of the wedge, and they would tap it in like that. | ||
| That's what a nail was back then. | ||
| So when I was doing construction, and you would pull these nails, you could tell when you were going into an old-ass building. | ||
| Yeah, that's what it looked like. | ||
| See how that looks like? | ||
| That's an old nail. | ||
| I see those. | ||
| I pulled a gang of those out of buildings when I was a kid. | ||
| But it's kind of sad, in a way, because these houses that were made this way, like someday, people would love to see that and go, whoa, this is like a piece of history. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| With the way they would do the insulation, too. | ||
| They have this white shit that was in between these boards. | ||
| They didn't have fiberglass back then or anything. | ||
| It was like this white plastery shit. | ||
| It wasn't like pink? | ||
| No. | ||
| The pink stuff's the fiberglass stuff. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| That's the stuff that you have to put in attics and shit. | ||
| Yeah, you did that hard construction, that inside that house, gut shit. | ||
| Inside the house is not fun if you're doing an attic. | ||
| I did an attic once. | ||
| Fuck that. | ||
| That had the fiberglass shit in it. | ||
| You get it in your skin. | ||
| You get all itchy. | ||
| Everywhere you're itchy. | ||
| And you sweat. | ||
| And your sweat opens up your pores and the fiberglass shit gets in there. | ||
| Can I ask you a question? | ||
| When you were stripping the nails from the wood, why were you taking the nails out? | ||
| We were working. | ||
| We were tearing something down. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Putting something in its place. | ||
| I don't remember whether or not it was a remodel or whether or not they were putting an addition on or something like that. | ||
| But whenever you'd have to go into the walls of these buildings, you could tell right away because they had these... | ||
| I forget what you would call those long, thin boards that were stacked on top of each other. | ||
| As soon as you go through the plaster, you feel the plaster, and you would know it's an old house. | ||
| Because it was like a plaster instead of a wallboard. | ||
| When you go to a new house, they have that wallboard stuff, which is gypsum board. | ||
| It's kind of thin. | ||
| It doesn't have a lot of mass to it. | ||
| And then behind that, you would have all the other stuff, and then insulation and shit. | ||
| But in these old houses, it wasn't like that. | ||
| It was like these... | ||
| We call them thin just really thin long boards and in between was this white plastery shit and there was plaster over the outside like shingles like long like shingles but like little thin boards like you know like not even a half inch thick by like maybe an inch or so wide and they had those kind of nails that put them into the studs I got you now Yeah, and so you'd pull those nails out, and you'd always recognize them, like, wow, this is an old fucking house. | ||
| Because New England was an old place, you know? | ||
| I mean, you could go to New England today and see there's graves that you could visit that are from, like, the 1700s. | ||
| Yeah, they have a gravestone. | ||
| They're still there? | ||
| Yeah, they're still there. | ||
| You know, it's slowly but surely the numbers are getting more eroded by the atmosphere and stuff, but it's still there. | ||
| You can still read them. | ||
| Some of them are kind of faint. | ||
| You think in 100 years, like, they're going to have to, like... | ||
| Discover a new method for burying us because it's stupid to bury people. | ||
| It's stupid. | ||
| The only reason why you should bury people well, it's also what we're doing is we are We're keeping the natural process of us becoming useful to the world Because like when things die those things are absorbed by the environment. | ||
| There's a system in place set up and I mean, if you just buried someone, if you just opened up a hole, put them in the ground, and buried them, the natural course of order would take place. | ||
| The bacteria in their body would break down their body. | ||
| The soil would absorb their body. | ||
| They'd become fertilizer, like every animal has from the beginning of time. | ||
| But we're so weird. | ||
| We want to fill our dead bodies up with some shit that keeps them from rotting. | ||
| And then we put makeup on them and dress them up in their best clothes. | ||
| Like my grandfather, when he died, they put one of those crucifixes with the... | ||
| What are those things called? | ||
| The crucifix with the rosary. | ||
| With the rosary about... | ||
| And I'm like, he never even went to church. | ||
| Like, what are you doing here? | ||
| Like, what is this? | ||
| And he's clutching his face. | ||
| He's got this... | ||
| He's so... | ||
| There's no feel to him. | ||
| You know, he's gone. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And they're going to take him, and they're going to put him in a box, and then they're going to bury it in the ground. | ||
| And it's probably, you could go dig it out today. | ||
| If I probably wanted to go in there today, his body's still in there. | ||
| Because there's things, they don't rot. | ||
| Because they're filled up with formaldehyde and all crazy. | ||
| It's real weird. | ||
| The only reason why it makes sense is to prove murder cases and shit like that. | ||
| I mean, that's about it. | ||
| Maybe if the death is weird. | ||
| If the death is weird, you should probably be like... | ||
| You know? | ||
| Yeah, it's an evil crazy thought. | ||
| Like, yeah. | ||
| We can't prove it, yeah. | ||
| But something went down. | ||
| Because they've caught people for murders by going and digging up the bodies and finding arsenic in their system or something like that. | ||
| They've done that. | ||
| That's weird, though. | ||
| But, like, I don't know. | ||
| It's kind of like, dude, case closed. | ||
| Homies, I should have got away with it now. | ||
| If you buried him, you can't bring him back. | ||
| Yeah, but if they catch you. | ||
| See, you're thinking like a convict. | ||
| If they catch you, they catch you. | ||
| You didn't get away. | ||
|
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|
No, no, no. | |
| I beat the game. | ||
| He's in the ground. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I win. | |
| Come on. | ||
|
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What the fuck? | |
| It's a barbaric way. | ||
| It's an inhumane way. | ||
| It's not a smart thing. | ||
| It's a custom. | ||
| Plus, it's a giant racket. | ||
| It's a huge financial racket. | ||
| Joey Diaz is the first one to explain that to me. | ||
|
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He goes, Doc, The worst fucking racket that nobody ever talks about. | |
| Funerals. | ||
| Think about it. | ||
| What the fuck are you gonna do? | ||
| What the fuck are you gonna do? | ||
| You're gonna spend that money, dawg. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And he goes in that cheap box. | ||
| It's like, what, a thousand dollars, two thousand dollars? | ||
| You gotta pay the funeral costs. | ||
| You gotta pay for the service. | ||
| He's explaining everything. | ||
| You have to have a plot of land. | ||
| I'm like, what? | ||
| Oh my god, I never thought about that. | ||
| He's like, it obliterates people. | ||
| It obliterates them. | ||
| It puts them in massive debt. | ||
| Thousands of dollars in debt like that. | ||
| Yeah, and it's mandatory and it's mandatory I mean, I guess there must be some sort of programs in place to take care of bodies when people can't afford anything I mean, I would imagine there is but Just the practice itself the fact that it's not just common. | ||
| It's standard. | ||
| That's the standard practice It's a crazy way to take care of bodies man. | ||
| It's ridiculous Yeah, like I remember like telling my kids like a if there's any way you can make it happen I want to be buried in this fucking backyard right here If you could make it happen, but then they're going to go to jail. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Isn't that crazy? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I guess there's like certain walls. | ||
| Well, there should be because if you have a well and you put your body and your body rots into that well, it gets people sick. | ||
| People have died from that. | ||
| So that is something the where I used to live in Burbank throws up Gravestone of a dead baby that underneath the steps going up to our apartment buildings like seven apart. | ||
| Oh Jesus random street And there's like a birth and the death date are seven days apart It was like 50 70 years ago is a long time ago It wasn't like it just happened either and it's super weird that just built some Stairs over top of it. | ||
| It's a really, really weird spot. | ||
| It's so strange. | ||
|
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|
Jesus. | |
| You know what else is strange? | ||
| Your voice coming through that shitty wire. | ||
| I checked it before and it worked even earlier. | ||
| It was working fine. | ||
| I need to just replace this. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| No worries. | ||
| It is weird though, right? | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| It's a strange thing when you drive by this beautiful plot of land and it's all these cement stones sticking out of the ground. | ||
| It's also weird, too, that it has to be public. | ||
| Your dad has to be buried in some giant field with all these other people's dead people. | ||
| Like, why? | ||
| Why do we have to all be together in death only? | ||
| Death only you get a small spot and then a couple feet over is another person and you have to be buried in these areas where we designate that people go to cry and drop flowers. | ||
| It is goofy as fuck. | ||
| It's one of those things that just always we've always done it that way so we don't stop and think like what kind of... | ||
| It's kind of like marriage. | ||
| It's the same shit. | ||
| Similar. | ||
| Both of them you keep to the death. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's just weird that nobody does anything else. | ||
| You could not get married if you choose to. | ||
| If you go, you know, fuck marriage, man. | ||
| I don't want to be legally entangled with some person. | ||
| If I want to break up with them, I just want to be able to just leave. | ||
| I want to have my own choice. | ||
| Yeah, I can't do that to death. | ||
| Well, that's kind of the same way, like, when people die. | ||
| Like, you have to give them... | ||
| You have to do something. | ||
| You have to either cremate them, or you have to... | ||
| And I think even when you cremate them, I think you have to do the formaldehyde thing first. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm kind of scared. | ||
| I kind of told my kids I want them to cremate me, too. | ||
| Because I was... | ||
| I don't want to be maggots eating meat and shit like that. | ||
| No? | ||
| No, I don't know. | ||
| That's the way to go. | ||
| Maggots is the way to go. | ||
| The way to not go is the fucking formaldehyde. | ||
| Because the formaldehyde, like, whatever use that you would have... | ||
| For all the organisms that would normally devour any sort of dead living creature, a creature that becomes dead, they don't get to eat anymore. | ||
| For some reason, we've decided that they don't get to consume your body, like your body is more important. | ||
| Than all the other things that it consumes. | ||
| We're part of the eco. | ||
| It's one more way that we've separated ourselves from the system, this natural system that we're in. | ||
| We're delusional. | ||
| Like, we think we're not a part of this system because we have houses and air conditioning and I go to the supermarket for my food. | ||
| We're a part of the system, for sure. | ||
| It's one more way we separate ourselves. | ||
| Imagine if animals had cemeteries and shit. | ||
| That would be fucked up. | ||
| There'd be no room for anything then. | ||
| They're dying like crazy. | ||
| Imagine if the cemeteries are just all the birds that cats kill. | ||
| He would realize what kind of mass murderer monsters you're living with. | ||
| Everywhere you go, he'd be like, what is going on? | ||
| Like, this is all the cats killing birds. | ||
| It's like everywhere. | ||
| You wouldn't be able to walk. | ||
| Everywhere you would walk, there'd be like a little gravestone for a bird that was killed by a cat. | ||
| You know, I agree with you now, as far as like, yeah, man, don't get cremated. | ||
| It's a made process. | ||
| You're supposed to go in there, and just, it's the way it goes. | ||
| I think the problem is diseases, though. | ||
| I think what they worry about is what we're talking about. | ||
| But I don't think, if you're, I guess if they formaldehyde you up, and they drop you in the ground, you don't rot, so you don't leak into the water system. | ||
| You just sort of like, just sit there and Prune up. | ||
| I don't think you rot for a long-ass time. | ||
| But if you did rot, I could see that like if you somehow or another got in a water system. | ||
| Especially if you're dealing with a city, that's when it becomes impractical, right? | ||
| Because if you're, like, New York City, small spot, less than, what is it like, what does New York have, like, 7 million or 8 million people living in the city, something crazy like that? | ||
| They're all stuffed into this area, you know, way smaller than L.A. And they're all just jammed in there, right? | ||
| What would they do if they had dead bodies? | ||
| They're all stacked on top of each other. | ||
| What are they going to do with the dead bodies? | ||
| They almost have to cremate them or have to embalm them. | ||
| Like, you can't bury them anywhere. | ||
| You gotta take them out of town? | ||
| You gotta throw them in the ocean? | ||
| What are you gonna do? | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Should be able to throw them in the ocean. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Should have a law. | ||
| Like, you only get out... | ||
| You gotta be 10 miles offshore. | ||
| But you're gonna get eaten in there by that... | ||
| They'll get eaten by crabs. | ||
| Lobsters and shit. | ||
| And then, in turn, you'll find a good spot to catch lobsters. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That's what it used to be. | ||
| This is how I remember my grandpa. | ||
| Oh, he made the best stone crabs. | ||
| We caught stone crabs right where grandpa died, or where we dropped his body off. | ||
| That's what they did with Osama Bin Laden, right? | ||
| They chucked him in the ocean? | ||
| Yeah, that's fucking crazy. | ||
| It is crazy. | ||
| That's why I tripped out. | ||
| I was like, dude, that's... | ||
| People are like, our president's not black. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm like, did he kill that fool and threw him over the boat? | |
| That's gangster. | ||
| Who kills someone, takes them in the ocean? | ||
| Get the fuck out of here, dog. | ||
| I wonder who made that decision to do it that way. | ||
| It was a two-day decision. | ||
| Was it? | ||
| Because I guess Muslim, they have like a special ritual like two days after their body has to be done something. | ||
| Oh, interesting. | ||
| So they did it quick. | ||
| Yeah, the whole thing. | ||
| Well, you're not supposed to do that in the Muslim faith. | ||
| I don't think you're supposed to throw the bodies overboard. | ||
| I think that's one of the reasons why they did it. | ||
| That's one of those ones that's going to go down in history. | ||
| You know, people are going to look back at historical moments that just seem crazy in the future. | ||
| They just killed him and threw him in the ocean. | ||
| Ooh, whoa, that's dark. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, I guess they said they didn't want him to be a murderer. | ||
| They didn't want a... | ||
| A martyr, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, a martyr. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, I mean it makes sense, I guess. | ||
| I mean they would understand it better than I would. | ||
| I would just be speculating as to what you should and shouldn't do with the body of a mastermind terrorist that you just killed. | ||
| That you've been looking for for years. | ||
| That was living in the house. | ||
| Imagine they just took his brain and they've been working on it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Probably have. | |
| What happened to like Saddam? | ||
| Oh, they hung that motherfucker. | ||
| I know, but I mean the body like... | ||
| They probably fed to his dogs. | ||
| They're smart. | ||
| I don't know what they did. | ||
| Well, you know, Saddam, his sons used to have dogs. | ||
| They would throw people to the dogs and feed them to the dogs. | ||
| He was like Ramsay Bolton from Game of Thrones, like legitimately. | ||
| His kids were psychopaths, total murderers, mass murderers. | ||
| They would find women that were about to get married, take them from their husbands, rape them, and then feed them to the dogs. | ||
| I think I've seen that in a movie. | ||
| Yeah, probably. | ||
| It says they buried his body near the graves of his other family members. | ||
| Oh, he got lucky. | ||
| He got lucky. | ||
| It's a hard part of the world, man. | ||
| Again, it's like we were talking about. | ||
| That part of the world, so much different than Santa Monica. | ||
| Hell yeah! | ||
| You know, it really all is a perspective thing, isn't it? | ||
| Yeah, it's a trip. | ||
| Like... | ||
| Everyone's all talking about like over there in Saudi Arabia women and women don't have rights women don't do this all women do is cook and clean I was just like just be happy you are where you are They're not tripping. | ||
| They're living their life over there. | ||
| Am I against it? | ||
| Yeah, but they haven't changed what they wanted to do. | ||
| They might be tripping hard. | ||
| They just can't do shit about it. | ||
| I understand that people on the outside look at it and see it's horrible. | ||
| Because of that, because of people's attitudes, I think that's what changes things. | ||
| Because people get upset at it. | ||
| And then that word gets back to them that the rest of the world, chicks can go to school. | ||
| The rest of the world, they can drive. | ||
| They don't have to dress up in those outfits. | ||
| They can do whatever the fuck they want. | ||
| They're treated just like regular people. | ||
| Like the rest of the world. | ||
| Most of the rest of the world. | ||
| That's where it's going. | ||
| You guys are stuck in a bad spot. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Do you see the thing that happened with North Korea? | ||
| They let the world accidentally opened up their websites? | ||
| They only have 28 websites? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I didn't read up on it. | ||
| I seen like a little glimpse of it. | ||
| How crazy is that? | ||
| They have 28 websites. | ||
| What the fuck, man? | ||
| Like, what do they have? | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| Did they show, like, what they had? | ||
| Anything? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I mean, obviously, it's in those Korean symbols. | ||
| I wouldn't be able to read it, but I don't know if anybody's translated it. | ||
| What they had. | ||
| I haven't read that yet, Jamie. | ||
| Have you? | ||
| Well, no house has a laptop. | ||
| No house. | ||
| They're not allowed to have a personal computer. | ||
| It says an airline ticket agency for Air Koryo. | ||
| A website for a group called National Unity. | ||
| A website for Kim Il Sung University. | ||
| A website for the Voice of Korea news organization. | ||
| A news website for the government of North Korea. | ||
| That place is fucking crazy. | ||
| That that exists today. | ||
| That there is a country... | ||
| That is right next to another country that looks exactly like them. | ||
| Like North Koreans and South Koreans are fucking Koreans, right? | ||
| They look super similar, right? | ||
| It's not like Mexicans and Africans. | ||
| It's not like two distinctly different looking kinds of people. | ||
| No, they're like incredibly identical, right? | ||
| But above them, they have North Korea, and they're living in a dictatorship. | ||
| A military, straight-up dictatorship. | ||
| The entire country is under the heel of a dictator. | ||
| A crazy, military, ruthless dictator with nuclear bombs. | ||
| They're detonating nuclear bombs and tests and shit. | ||
| Then the other side, you got people making the best electronics in the world. | ||
| Flying kites. | ||
| Innovation, they're all getting surgery to get their eyes bigger. | ||
| You ever seen all that shit? | ||
| No, they're getting their eyes bigger now. | ||
| Oh, dude. | ||
| It is a huge problem in Korea is plastic surgery. | ||
| I shouldn't say huge problem because it's not like they die. | ||
| They just look different. | ||
| Plastic surgery is a huge fad in South Korea. | ||
| So they're not getting their titties done and their ass? | ||
| They're getting everything done, I'm sure. | ||
| But one of the things they're doing is they're getting their eyes done so that they look more American. | ||
| What's the process? | ||
| Do they cut some of the eyelid? | ||
| Cut the eyelid. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How do they... | ||
| Look, you can see it. | ||
| That's what they used to look like. | ||
| That's what they look like now. | ||
| Look at the girls. | ||
| No fucking way. | ||
| The girls, they start looking like anime. | ||
| It's really strange, man. | ||
| It's real strange. | ||
| Like, they become super hot looking. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Even if they wear like not that hot, it's very, it's just a bizarre practice, man. | ||
| See, that's where they do it. | ||
| They cut down there and cut down there. | ||
| And then you see what she looks like when it's all done. | ||
| But it's, you know, I mean, it's not like, oh, that girl got a lot of work done. | ||
| She had her chin shaved down and she had her eyes done. | ||
| Her ears? | ||
| Yeah, well, I don't know about her ears. | ||
| They look pretty big still. | ||
| Plastic surgery is pretty crazy what they can do. | ||
| They can alter your shape. | ||
| I see it. | ||
| Look at that girl. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Dude, they shaved the fuck out of her jaw. | ||
| That's insane. | ||
| They turned into a hottie. | ||
| Amazing. | ||
| Amazing what they can do, right? | ||
| But apparently it's super common. | ||
| Super common in Korea. | ||
| Wow, look at the before and after. | ||
| That's weird. | ||
| Yeah, when I mess with a girl now, she don't got no baby pictures, I don't fuck around with her. | ||
| You need to have some baby pictures, bitch. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Dude, when I used to work at a strip club, I was like, this dude, he was hot. | ||
| I didn't know he was a dude, but he'd always hug me from the back. | ||
| And someone was like, hey, dog, this guy right here, he's... | ||
| I don't know what you're talking about. | ||
| This girl's a guy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| This girl was a guy. | ||
| He was on, like, transsexuals.com, Orange County. | ||
| And I remember... | ||
| Her stage name was Monica. | ||
| And one time I was high and I was like, hey, Monica. | ||
| I've never ever been like grabbed so hard like that, like thrown out of my chair. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| She got aggressive. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And I remember after that, always saying, hey, dog, I need to see baby pictures of everybody. | ||
| Yeah, there's some that'll trick you. | ||
| That's for sure. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You will never know. | ||
| Unless they choose to tell you. | ||
| Like, if you see what they're doing right now with chins and eyes, imagine what they could do to your nether regions. | ||
| Yeah, it's gonna get crazier. | ||
| They could conjure up A vagina that looks like a work of art, I'm sure. | ||
| It's probably like the best in the world. | ||
| It's probably a guy who's like, you know, the Frank Frazetta of surgical vaginas. | ||
| Just makes this incredible work of art. | ||
| Put some memory foam back in and shit. | ||
| I wonder if they've ever done that. | ||
| I wonder if anybody's ever had, like, a vaginal implant to make your vagina tighter. | ||
| You know, like, they'll get boob jobs. | ||
| Like, you get a breast implant, makes your boobs poke out more. | ||
| I think there is something like that. | ||
| The rejuvenation thing? | ||
| Yeah, but I think they just tighten up the hole. | ||
| Yeah, like the inside would be better. | ||
| Yeah, they cut... | ||
| I think the way they do it, and this is gonna sound horrible, folks. | ||
| I think they cut you, and then they merge the two sides and stitch you the fuck up, and I think it hurts like a motherfucker! | ||
| The things people are doing to satisfy each other. | ||
| Yeah, we need more. | ||
| Constantly. | ||
| Constantly. | ||
| It has to get better. | ||
| More. | ||
| More. | ||
| Tighter, pussy! | ||
| Make it tighter! | ||
| It's all I got! | ||
| It's all I got! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Surgery. | |
| Time for surgery. | ||
| Increase in vaginal tightening surgeries worries doctors. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Worries them. | ||
| It's going to make dicks shrink. | ||
| We should let natural selection take its course. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I mean, who cares? | ||
| Can they do it? | ||
| Why not? | ||
| If I was one of those girls and I had a crazy big fucked up jaw and they shrank it down and all of a sudden I became hot as fuck and everybody wanted to talk to me, I think I'd spend my money wisely. | ||
| I would go for that. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| I mean, hey, exactly. | ||
| I mean, if I had to do it, I'd do it too. | ||
| But isn't it bizarre that there's a very specific shape That we like and we don't like when it comes to people. | ||
| Whether it's the shape of the nose or shape of the jaw. | ||
| Like, we agree. | ||
| Like, this is too much. | ||
| Too much jaw. | ||
| Too much jaw. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Like, there's a lot of variables. | ||
| Like, long hair. | ||
| Long hair doesn't bother me. | ||
| Short hair doesn't bother me either. | ||
| Either one's okay. | ||
| Like, those characteristics, we have, like, a lot of room. | ||
| Oh, she has curls. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| Who gives a fuck? | ||
| Dreadlocks. | ||
| Whatever. | ||
| Who cares? | ||
| She shaves her head. | ||
| Does she look good? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, who cares? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Who cares? | |
| You know what I mean? | ||
| But like a big jaw. | ||
| She's got a big jaw. | ||
| Oh, fuck that. | ||
| Fuck that. | ||
| Can't deal with that look. | ||
| Like that look, for whatever reason, that look freaks us out. | ||
| Like the hair, it's like inconsequential because it's not, it's a part of you, sort of, but you cut it. | ||
| You don't even feel it. | ||
| It's kind of weird that it even grows in the first place. | ||
| Kind of weird lion's mane. | ||
| Are you growing off the top of your fucking head? | ||
| It's weird, right? | ||
| So we don't care all the variables. | ||
| Girls can have pink hair. | ||
| Yeah, they're getting dick with any color hair right now. | ||
| Yeah, but not with a big jaw. | ||
| No. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Big ass. | |
| Like, fucked up shoulders? | ||
| I think shoulders job is going to be the next one. | ||
| Too big? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Too big of shoulders? | ||
| Like Tommy Hearns type shoulders? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Like intimidating? | ||
| Like some Lennox Lewis shoulders? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, you don't want that. | ||
| Like when she's wearing a purse and it's like right by her ear? | ||
| Ooh. | ||
| Maybe you want to conquer her, though. | ||
| Oh, I've had those, dude. | ||
| I've had those. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| I've had some big chicks in my life. | ||
| Like gangster bitches that are fine and cool and just fucking ruthless. | ||
| Gotta be real careful when your girl can kick your ass. | ||
| Or maybe you can kick your ass. | ||
| Or at least hold her own. | ||
| Watch your P's and Q's. | ||
| I got with this stripper once, I was like 6'3". | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Yeah, she played volleyball and swam. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And, oh man. | ||
| I don't, I mean, I'm average size, you know? | ||
| But, I got manhandled. | ||
| Like, you know, I was young, we were play wrestling, and I was just, like, thrown, and like, fuck yeah. | ||
| I just kept my cool with that girl. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| She was much stronger than you? | ||
| Yeah, and it was awesome, dude. | ||
| It was like, yeah. | ||
| It was like an extra pump. | ||
| It was weird. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Damn, that shit made my vein pop out. | ||
| Oh, you're getting excited. | ||
| Oh, I remember that, bitch. | ||
| That's super athletes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like a WNBA player. | ||
| If you get a WNBA player to mate with an NBA player, what kind of super athlete would you get? | ||
| Like, good lord. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Or, you know who I met that's a super athlete? | ||
| What is that volleyball player woman's name? | ||
| She's very attractive. | ||
| This is like, uh... | ||
| The one that... | ||
| Yes, Gabrielle Reese. | ||
| She's huge. | ||
| Giant. | ||
| Super athlete. | ||
| If you could get her and mate her up with a Brock Lesnar... | ||
| Are you kidding me? | ||
| What kind of super athlete would you do if you could get Gabrielle Reese and Brock Lesnar and mate them together? | ||
| Shaquille O'Neal and Lisa Leslie. | ||
| Yes! | ||
| Super athletes, you know? | ||
| There's some fucking super athletes out there in the world, too. | ||
| There's so many athletes that you just go, what? | ||
| How is that even a person? | ||
| How is that the same thing as me? | ||
| The way they're bred now, the way they're taught, the way they're coached, it's crazy. | ||
| There's kids that are 13 years old taking creatine. | ||
| My friend's like, hey, can you get money for my son's creatine? | ||
| He's 13, dog. | ||
| Why are you giving this kid creatine? | ||
| I wonder if that's even healthy. | ||
| That's probably unhealthy. | ||
| I don't even think 13-year-old kids are supposed to be lifting weights, right? | ||
| They're only supposed to do, like, calisthenics and things like that? | ||
| Like, they think that weight itself can actually fuck with their bone growth because their bodies aren't designed to... | ||
| I wonder if that's been disproven. | ||
| I wonder if that's been disproven. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I was just talking with my dad about that the other day literally because there's a kid my age that when we were growing up started lifting a little earlier than everyone else and he just all through high school he fucked everyone up because he was ahead of us all. | ||
| He was a monster just because of that. | ||
| And I don't think he would have been smaller now than he was then. | ||
| His dad's small. | ||
| He would have been small his whole life anyway. | ||
| Maybe, huh? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Who knows? | ||
| I don't know if it's a bullshit myth or not. | ||
| See if you can find out. | ||
| That's the same myth. | ||
| Don't shoot the ball after you work out. | ||
| Don't shoot around and messes up your jump shot. | ||
| No, it's the best thing because you're shooting tired. | ||
| There's some people that look at it that way. | ||
| That's what they would say about archery, too. | ||
| You shouldn't do archery after you lift weights. | ||
| Because you want to have control of your muscles. | ||
| And when your muscles are fatigued, it's hard to control them. | ||
| But you're playing in a fatigue game. | ||
| Fourth quarter. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I see both. | ||
| That was a philosophy in a lot of jujitsu schools. | ||
| You would do a lot of calisthenics, especially old school schools. | ||
| You'd do a lot of calisthenics and you'd be fucking completely worn out before you ever start sparring. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| So before the beginning of class, push-ups and hip scoots, hip escapes, and go down the mat and back. | ||
| You'd be doing crab bear walks, walking on your hands and feet, that kind of shit, and you'd get completely exhausted. | ||
| Push-ups, sit-ups, and by burning you out with calisthenics, you were forced to use technique when you were old. | ||
| And then you would spar after all that? | ||
| Yeah, you would do technique, you would do drills, and then you would wind up sparring. | ||
| But most places don't do it that way anymore. | ||
| Most places believe the best way to learn is actually to just warm up, do drills, go over the technical aspects of it, and then just spar hard. | ||
| And that you should be fresh when you're practicing technique. | ||
| What is that saying? | ||
| This is an article from Liv Strong. | ||
| Dismissing the myths. | ||
| So we could get to the end of it. | ||
| It basically says that... | ||
| I'll let you read it. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Contrast with suggestions of stunted growth among young weightlifters, Betsy Keller points out that weightlifting may be more effective than other forms of exercise in promoting bone growth and density among adolescents. | ||
| Huh. | ||
| So it actually might be healthier for them. | ||
| These researchers found that testosterone injections increase both bone length and density, suggesting that weightlifting's impact on testosterone may be beneficial. | ||
| Huh. | ||
| Veterans Administration Medical Center supports evidence in a 2008 study. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| The last sentence even says it might allow you to grow taller than you would have. | ||
| Hmm. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| Hmm. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| Yeah, who knows, man, but you wouldn't want to fuck your kid up. | ||
| You know, that's the thing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, I've seen people that have their kids totally jacked at an early age. | ||
| I'm like, boy, again, like, how much pressure are you putting on that little guy? | ||
| Is that what he wants to do? | ||
| Your kid wants to do squats? | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| I kind of think they don't. | ||
| Fuck no. | ||
| I had all that pressure on me, man. | ||
| My brother used to wake me up, like, in sixth grade. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Come on. | |
| Watch. | ||
| You're gonna go watch the freshman practice. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I was like, why do I gotta go to this practice? | |
| Old brothers, man, make tough kids, though. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You look at a kid who's like the youngest brother and he's got a bunch of brothers that fuck with him, those dudes usually know how to handle themselves because you're growing up in a combat situation. | ||
| Your brothers are fucking with you constantly. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, we're all a year apart. | |
| That's terrible. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's chaos. | ||
| This is that little Hercules guy from a couple years ago. | ||
| Yeah, that guy's too much. | ||
| That's what he looks like now? | ||
| He grew up and gave up on him. | ||
| He gave up on lifting weights? | ||
| Yeah, there's an Inside Edition story on him last year. | ||
| Poor little guy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Wasn't he on those myostatin inhibitor things or maybe? | ||
| No, they don't have that like in terms of like a supplement. | ||
| Some people are born with myostatin inhibitors. | ||
| It makes you grow much more muscle. | ||
| Your body doesn't regulate the growth of muscle the way ours does. | ||
| What do you mean? | ||
| It's some weird genetic freak that they found in dogs called whippets and some cows that somehow or another when they're breeding these dogs they develop this genetic variation in what's called a myostatin inhibitor and it allows for some strange reason like this is a real dog This is a whippet that has this myostatin inhibitor issue. | ||
| And these are some cows that have it too. | ||
| And what it is, is they just grow way more muscle. | ||
| So look at the size of that cow. | ||
| It's incredible, right? | ||
| So they figured out how to do it in mice. | ||
| Like, they figured out how to introduce these genes to mice, and they developed these mice. | ||
| They live longer. | ||
| They're much more muscular. | ||
| They have more endurance. | ||
| That's what their bodies look like. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's really kind of fascinating because it points to this idea that these little animals, through this myostatin inhibitor, are like super animals. | ||
| They become like super mice. | ||
| Like, that's what it looked like. | ||
| Look at that little one on the right with all the muscles. | ||
| It's crazy, man. | ||
| It's like a Samoan mouse. | ||
| It's like a David Tula. | ||
| Like a stacked up mouse. | ||
| George, we just did three hours, man. | ||
| Dude. | ||
| That's it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's over. | |
| Hey. | ||
| That was fun, man. | ||
| Fuck yeah. | ||
| You got some great stories, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Thank you. | |
| You know, we didn't even tell all of them. | ||
| There was a gang of them that you were telling the story. | ||
| We'll have to do it again, man. | ||
| Yeah, hey, man. | ||
| You educated me like crazy right now. | ||
| I was just a weed talking. | ||
| That's fun, man. | ||
| And you're going to be in Brea next weekend? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| What's the days? | ||
| October 29th and October 30th. | ||
| Me and Red Band were doing the late shows at the Brea Improv. | ||
| Beautiful. | ||
| Brea Improv is the shit. | ||
| That should be a really funny show. | ||
| Yeah, it's great. | ||
| You're a funny dude. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| Red Band's funny, so that should be a great time. | ||
| Thanks for coming, brother. | ||
| Really appreciate it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Thank you. | |
| It was a lot of fun. | ||
| All right, folks. | ||
| We'll see you next week. | ||
| Bye-bye. | ||
| Three hours, dude? |
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