Aug. 22, 2016 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:52:26
Participants
| 
| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
| Hannibal Montana, is that it? | ||
| Hannibal Montanival experience. | ||
| The Hannibal Montanival experience. | ||
| Can you get sued for that? | ||
| Or it's parody, right? | ||
| It's Hannibal Montanival. | ||
| There's bowls at the end of it. | ||
| What is a Montanival? | ||
| Montanival rhymes with Hannibal. | ||
| What is Hannah Montana? | ||
|
unidentified
|
We'll see. | |
| It's the show with that cute girl. | ||
| Yeah, it's on Disney. | ||
| The Cyrus girl, right? | ||
| I hope they sue me. | ||
| The tour could use the bump. | ||
| Yeah, they can't win. | ||
| They can't win. | ||
| Right? | ||
| It's parody. | ||
| It's not. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And it's not a mock. | ||
| It's just because I think it's just a goofy thing. | ||
| It's not mocking anything. | ||
| I'm not using any imagery. | ||
| I just think those are just funny words to me. | ||
| Even if you were, you know? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think you're okay. | ||
| Whatever happened to that chick? | ||
| She was going crazy for a while. | ||
| She, uh... | ||
| Remember? | ||
| She was grinding on people on TV. She's on the new season of The Voice right now that just started last night. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Is she one of the judges or something? | ||
| Hmm. | ||
| She's a talented girl. | ||
| You ever heard her sing? | ||
| She's super talented. | ||
| She sang that song Jolene, like that Dolly Parton song? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I was like, wow. | ||
| If she just sang shit like this, she'd be goddamn gigantic. | ||
| She's a good actress, too. | ||
| What are you trying to say? | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think she's a solid actress. | ||
| What have you seen her in? | ||
| Her stuff, when she's been on Saturday Night Live. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| I thought you actually watched Hannah Montana. | ||
| I actually did watch a little Hannah Montana back in 08. I remember watching a couple episodes. | ||
| I'm like, this is alright. | ||
| Also, I used to be a DatFan fan, too. | ||
| Oh, that's hilarious. | ||
| You used to be a DatFan fan. | ||
| Dat Fan took too much heat, man. | ||
| He did. | ||
| God, man. | ||
| I remember when Dat Fan was on Last Comic Standing, because it was season one, and I was one of the judges. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And he fucking killed. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And it didn't seem like there was anything wrong with what he was doing to me. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But a lot of people got mad at him. | ||
| Just for being... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It was like they just thought he was too much of a big show. | ||
| You know, he was too loud. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I don't know what it was that they got upset with him. | ||
| People like what they like. | ||
| People get angry. | ||
| People get angry at weird stuff. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know! | |
| People just get specifically angry. | ||
| Myself included, but I don't share that for the internet. | ||
| Just angry amongst my friends and we talk shit, but I don't like to show that. | ||
| Right, like you get mad if your friend likes a movie that sucked. | ||
| Yeah, we'll just, yeah. | ||
| My friend didn't, what was the movie with the moving shots? | ||
| It was Zach Galifianakis is in it. | ||
| The play. | ||
| Birdman. | ||
| Birdman? | ||
| Oh, Zach Galifianakis was in Birdman? | ||
| He's like the stage director. | ||
| Oh, that's right. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| Man, my friend Tony, we were in Denver. | ||
| Tony Trim, my DJ, he had one of them weed patches. | ||
| We were in Denver for like four days. | ||
| He had a weed patch that you could put on. | ||
| He got it from the dispensary. | ||
| And then he got high. | ||
| And then we started to talk about Birdman. | ||
| And I was like, yeah, I kind of like Birdman. | ||
| And he went on a 10-minute rant, like, fuck Birdman, the movie's pretentious, and he's just like, man, I like Birdman, but I don't know if I like it as much as you hate it. | ||
| He went on forever. | ||
| I couldn't believe it. | ||
| He's kind of got a point. | ||
| It's kind of pretentious, but I mean, don't you want that sometimes? | ||
| Like, someone to take a chance to make something that's just bizarre. | ||
| It was a bizarre-ass movie. | ||
| Like, that was a chance-taking movie. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| I enjoyed it. | ||
| I've never seen somebody be so passionate about them. | ||
| You ever be around your friend like, I didn't know you were capable of such hate. | ||
| People get like that, man. | ||
| They get like that with music. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, you can talk to some people about certain bands you're just not supposed to like. | ||
| Like, when I was a kid, I used to have to hide the fact that I loved KISS. Yeah. | ||
| Because, like, when I was in, like, seventh grade, KISS was not cool. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It was not a cool thing. | ||
| The young kids, they all wanted to know about ACDC and Led Zeppelin. | ||
| So when you were in seventh grade, where was KISS in their trajectory? | ||
| Here's what happened with KISS. KISS had this gigantic, loyal following that came to all their concerts. | ||
| They sold out gigantic arenas all over the world, but they couldn't get any radio play. | ||
| It was real weird. | ||
| They only had a couple of big hits. | ||
| They had like Beth. | ||
| Beth was a big hit. | ||
| Detroit Rock City, Rock and Roll All Night. | ||
| Those were big. | ||
| And Party Every Day. | ||
| That's still a big one. | ||
| But there wasn't a lot of radio play. | ||
| There was a lot of bands that had way more radio play. | ||
| But for whatever reason, they never lost their popularity amongst their hardcore fans because they put on a great show. | ||
| I went to see them twice when they made their comeback tour with Kevin James. | ||
| Kevin James was opening for Kiss? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| We were friends. | ||
| We went to watch it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What a combination that would be. | |
| Doing some stand-up in front of Kiss. | ||
| Have you ever done stand-up in front of a band? | ||
| Lots of times, yeah. | ||
| Do you really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Do you like it? | ||
| Sometimes. | ||
| Sometimes it can go well. | ||
| You have to be set up correctly, though. | ||
| And I've learned what to ask for to make the show go right. | ||
| What do you ask for? | ||
| You just ask for somebody from the band to introduce you either on stage or off mic. | ||
| And so you establish in front of the crowd as a friend of theirs and not just some asshole that the video you booked. | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| Where the band says, we booked this guy. | ||
| This is our guy. | ||
| Please welcome Hannibal Buress. | ||
| I learned that. | ||
| When I opened for this band, it's cool, super nice guys. | ||
| They saw me at Zany's in Chicago, a Chicago band, a jam band, Humphrey McGee. | ||
| That's a huge fan base. | ||
| They tour all the time. | ||
| They asked me to do this gig in DeKalb, outside of Chicago. | ||
| I was excited to do it. | ||
| It was a couple hundred bucks or something. | ||
| Different gig, opening for a band. | ||
| It's cool. | ||
| And it's packed. | ||
| It's theater. | ||
| It's packed. | ||
| And then they tell me, you know, it's getting ready to go on. | ||
| And the lights drop. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And the crowd goes crazy. | |
| And I'm like, that is not for me at all. | ||
| And so then I just walk out cold, like, hello, I'm him, and start trying to do comedy, and people were just like, where's Umphreys McGee's? | ||
| Where's Umphreys? | ||
| And they just didn't know. | ||
| We didn't know. | ||
| Just, you know, every crowd isn't ready for comedy, and you have to settle. | ||
| People have to be expecting it or be settled. | ||
| Or it's a fight, and I wasn't prepped to fight at that moment just to fight him down. | ||
| I did all right, but that's it. | ||
| I mean, I do shows where I have... | ||
| Rappers are bands open for me also, and sometimes the crowd, some people in the crowd are into it, some people aren't, but it's music that I enjoy, so I try to just mix it up sometimes and have a bit of a variety show versus just straight stand-up. | ||
| Why not? | ||
| If that's what you want to do, definitely you should do it. | ||
| I've opened for a few bands back in the day, but I'd never do it again. | ||
| Some of the experiences were just horrific. | ||
| I opened for Bon Jovi once in a theater in the round. | ||
| It was this thing for VH1. It was in the round, and I was on stage with a bunch of musical instruments. | ||
| There was a drum kit there. | ||
| I had to move around. | ||
| I couldn't do anything physical. | ||
| There was a microphone set up. | ||
| And then after I did my set, I was supposed to bring Girls towards the front of the stage. | ||
| They wanted to pick out attractive girls in the audience. | ||
| To go backstage? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| Be around the stage. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| So when they're filming it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, okay. | |
| They're the ones who are really close to the camera screaming. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's Bon Jovi and them go off. | ||
| I'm a dirt bag for backstage, right? | ||
| They turned you into the Wrangler. | ||
| They turned me into the Wrangler. | ||
| You can open, but you got to also grab some girls. | ||
| Here's the deal, bro. | ||
| We're road dogs. | ||
| No, they wanted a bunch of... | ||
| Because they were filming it for VH1, I think it was at the time. | ||
| But I was like, I can't keep doing these. | ||
| They just don't go well 50% of the time. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, I've done some... | ||
| You know who Chance the Rapper is? | ||
| He's a rapper out of Chicago. | ||
| I've done some stuff with him, and sometimes it'll go well, and then there's one in Chicago. | ||
| And I'm from Chicago, so I'm thinking, this is going to be great. | ||
| This is my city, too. | ||
| Dude, it was just... | ||
| It was because I made fun of... | ||
| You know, Chicagoans that live in the city will... | ||
| Sometimes you'll meet somebody and you're like, where are you from? | ||
| And they'll say, Chicago. | ||
| What part of Chicago? | ||
| They'll be like, Schaumburg. | ||
| Like, that's not Chicago. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Like, this is suburban. | ||
| That's what that improv is. | ||
| That's 40 minutes outside of Chicago. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It's a suburban kind of city, sort of... | ||
| It's like Thousand Oaks. | ||
| Yeah, that type of thing. | ||
| And so I talked about that. | ||
| I did that on stage. | ||
| It was... | ||
| The venue was in the city. | ||
| And then I talked about that on stage, but most of that crowd was like white kids from the suburbs, and then it just turned from there, and it just got restless, and then some dude just yelled out for no reason. | ||
| He was just like, Kevin Hart! | ||
| I was like, what does that mean? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| That's hilarious, but that's some psychology shit, right? | ||
| He's going to point to the most successful comic ever and compare you. | ||
| I mean, Kevin Hart is, if he's not the most successful, he's like top two, right? | ||
| I mean, who are the arguments? | ||
| There's three arguments, right? | ||
| It's like Dice Clay, Dane Cook, and Kevin Hart. | ||
| And as far as sustaining it, Yeah. | ||
| His run has been pretty crazy. | ||
| Insane. | ||
| He has his own shoe, so I think it's him. | ||
| He's got a motivational shoe. | ||
| He's got a motivational shoe. | ||
| Motivational quotes all over it. | ||
| And his shoe, actually, Kevin Hart's shoe looks better than a lot of athletes' shoes. | ||
| Definitely. | ||
| He's a smart dude. | ||
| He's a smart dude. | ||
| He's a savvy dude. | ||
| Worked hard. | ||
| Nice dude. | ||
| But that's funny that he thinks that yelling that out is going to hurt your feelings. | ||
| It was just more weird. | ||
| It is weird. | ||
| It is weird, but that's a jab, you know? | ||
| It's interesting that people do that. | ||
| You point to almost as if someone's success, even though it's astronomical, crazy success, even to a really successful guy like you, It'll fuck with you. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, you do really well. | ||
| I know you're not walking around going, man, I wish my life was fucking better right now. | ||
| No, you're great. | ||
| Everything's awesome in your world. | ||
| Everything's smooth as fuck, but someone can yell out, Kevin Hart. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like, yeah. | |
| No, people, it's a weird space to be in, because now, you have that, well, two, it's a different way. | ||
| You got your fans, and then you also have... | ||
| People that just know who you are and might not fuck with you at all. | ||
| They just know. | ||
| And so I went into this Mexican restaurant in Chicago last week. | ||
| And I go straight to the bathroom in the back. | ||
| It's a great spot in Chicago, by the way. | ||
| Check it out. | ||
| Allende. | ||
| Lincoln and Fullerton. | ||
| And go to the back. | ||
| And I come back out. | ||
| He's tall, too tall, black women. | ||
| And one of them, like, I'm right next to her. | ||
| She gestures towards me like, yeah, he's famous or something. | ||
| Like, real dismissive. | ||
| I didn't say anything to her. | ||
| I was just being it. | ||
| Yeah, he's famous or something. | ||
| Then she says to me, yeah, my friends tried to get me to come hang out with you at Mad River. | ||
| It's a bar in Chicago. | ||
| We had to try to get you to come and hang out, but we didn't want to. | ||
| I'm like, alright, why are you... | ||
| But we didn't want to. | ||
| Yeah, something like that. | ||
| I'm like, what are you... | ||
| What is happening right now? | ||
| What are you... | ||
| And so I look at her body and she's in great shape. | ||
| 6'2", short, short song. | ||
| She got a volleyball body. | ||
| So I say, you play volleyball? | ||
| She said, yeah, we play at DePaul. | ||
| So if they order their food sit-down, I order my food sit-down. | ||
| And then I go on my phone and I Google DePaul Women's Volleyball and look at last year and look at the roster and I look over there and I say, Hey Ashley, what the fuck happened last season? | ||
| They had a bad season last year. | ||
| Oh, that's hilarious. | ||
| And then her friend pipes up, hey, we had a lot of good individual accomplishments. | ||
| We set some individual records last year. | ||
| And I was like, so you guys had bad team chemistry, huh? | ||
| But, yeah, it was just, I felt the need to dig back, because I was just grabbing some fucking tacos, and she just made me feel weird just by being there. | ||
| Well, she felt like she could get a free shot at you, because you're famous. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Or she just does that to people all the time. | ||
| Maybe she does. | ||
| Maybe she just had a, I don't know, maybe I was intimidated. | ||
| She was tall and beautiful as fuck. | ||
| Oh, she's a big, beautiful girl. | ||
| She's a big, beautiful girl, but with like a voice. | ||
| Maybe a tone like mine. | ||
| Maybe I couldn't handle my own tone. | ||
| She sounds like you? | ||
| Not like me, but she had kind of a... | ||
| Not depth, but just sarcastic. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Oh, tone that way. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, maybe. | ||
| No, she was being rude. | ||
| She's maybe just a big, rude, giant bitch who wants a dude to take that challenge. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| If you're a girl that's that big and athletic, you could probably fuck up a lot of dudes. | ||
| That's a big girl. | ||
| She probably has to test dudes all the time. | ||
| Maybe that was her way of hitting on me. | ||
| Maybe she was negging me and I fucking took it the wrong way. | ||
| Yeah, maybe if you just took it like an ace, you just rolled with it like a Shaolin monk. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, I did neck back! | ||
| You did, but that's actually pretty funny. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The way you did it's pretty funny. | |
| I think everything worked out great. | ||
| I mean, I know where to find it if I want to find it. | ||
| I don't know why I always want to wonder what someone's motivation is, but I always do. | ||
| I do too. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| You never know. | ||
| It's almost like, why do I bother? | ||
| Why can't I just get the fuck away from this? | ||
| Why do I have to find out what someone's motivation is? | ||
| Yeah, I'll end up in conversations where I should just probably leave, but I'm just that curious about what's going on. | ||
| Who the fuck are you? | ||
| What's up with you? | ||
| Why don't you do that? | ||
| And also, I have to win. | ||
| I have to win. | ||
| Well, it's a game that you're really good at. | ||
| It's a shit-talking game. | ||
| Do you get upset when someone starts shit-talking with you? | ||
| Like, wait a minute, you're a goddamn amateur here. | ||
| Shit-talking with a professional comedian? | ||
| How often have you done this? | ||
| How good are you at this for real? | ||
| It's fun though. | ||
| It is fun. | ||
| It's all fun and games. | ||
| Someone's soul gets crushed. | ||
| You know what happened in Vegas? | ||
| It was this girl that I... Not really known that well, but she's beautiful. | ||
| And she hit me up out of nowhere. | ||
| Hey, I miss you. | ||
| We never messed around or anything. | ||
| She misses you. | ||
| She misses you. | ||
| And so I was in Boston at the moment. | ||
| I think... | ||
| I don't know, I was just in a sort of a, not a bad mood, but a weird mood. | ||
| Impulsive. | ||
| And she just hit me up out of nowhere. | ||
| I was like... | ||
| Let's go to Vegas for the UFC fights. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| Fly her out. | ||
| We get to the airport around the same time. | ||
| Go out. | ||
| Go to Calvin Harris' plan. | ||
| Go there. | ||
| And we get back to the room. | ||
| And she's kind of, like, cold towards me. | ||
| Like, almost buddy. | ||
| I'm like... | ||
| I mean, we never really hung out, but it's still, like... | ||
| You're flowing to Vegas. | ||
| It's a vibe and it's a little bit of a subtext to that. | ||
| It's Vegas also. | ||
| And so she kind of just go to sleep on me. | ||
| I'm like, we in a fucking Vegas? | ||
| What the fuck is going on? | ||
| What's happening? | ||
| You thought you missed... | ||
| And so... | ||
| End up in the morning, go for it again. | ||
| But she's kind of broke. | ||
| It's like, I'm like, does this chick even like me at all? | ||
| It's like, I go down on her. | ||
| She's completely quiet. | ||
| But it's like moving her body positively. | ||
| But not saying a word? | ||
| But not saying a word to the point where I'm like, I gotta check and see if this is okay. | ||
| I pop my head up. | ||
| I'm like, hey, we good? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Just because I had to do a consent check. | |
| That's hilarious. | ||
| Man. | ||
| That's a good move, though. | ||
| Yeah, dude. | ||
| Man, I had to check, man. | ||
| I was like, hey, are we good? | ||
| You good? | ||
| She's like, we good. | ||
| I was like, back at it. | ||
| But she didn't make a noise. | ||
| You know how weird pussy-eating sounds with no moaning or yeps or yes? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| With nothing, though? | ||
| It was weird, but I could tell she... | ||
| I've been thinking about nothing else for days. | ||
| It's just moaning, just no moaning, just acapella pussy eating. | ||
| But I could feel her body, like she's moving her body around. | ||
| I could tell she came a couple times because the air came out. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| I don't think that's how it works. | ||
| I think it is. | ||
| Because at one point, yeah. | ||
| I felt some air come out. | ||
| But it didn't make a noise. | ||
| I don't think we're ever going to really know if they're coming or not. | ||
| I think there could be a lot of fuckery going on. | ||
| A lot of fake orgasms. | ||
| We don't know. | ||
| A lot of times girls just fake cum so that you could stop. | ||
| Really? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I'm guessing. | ||
| It must have happened. | ||
| But I'm just saying I don't think air coming out constitutes orgasm. | ||
| Seems like it should. | ||
| There should be like a little turkey tester that goes off. | ||
| Maybe she likes me. | ||
| Whatever. | ||
| We end up hooking up and go out to lunch and then I realize there's no... | ||
| No compatibility? | ||
| No compatibility at all. | ||
| This chick doesn't even like me. | ||
| She doesn't even mow when you eat her pussy. | ||
| That's all you need to know. | ||
| That's all you need to know. | ||
| She just lays there. | ||
| Doesn't like me at all, or is just bad at showing it, doesn't, can't even fake, just wants to be at the fights and shit. | ||
| So, we get back to the room, getting ready, it's like three-ish, so getting ready, I'm like, I'm gonna see the whole thing, go see the prelims. | ||
| And, uh... | ||
| But I'm trying to get it in again. | ||
| Let's hook up again. | ||
| I understand. | ||
| You have to tell me. | ||
| And then she says, I don't hook up on the first night. | ||
| I'm like, we already did it already. | ||
| What are you talking about? | ||
| She's like, yeah, that's my rule. | ||
| I don't do it on the... | ||
| I was like, what are you talking about? | ||
| She's like, that's me and my roommates. | ||
| That's our house rule. | ||
| Our house rule. | ||
| Bunch of cock-blocking bitches all getting together. | ||
| You fly out on the first... | ||
| What are you talking about? | ||
| We already did it, and it's not your house. | ||
| It's a... | ||
| And so I'm like, what is, I don't wanna, who does that? | ||
| That's weird. | ||
| And so I kinda, I step out of the room, make a phone call, talk to my friends to consult me. | ||
| What the fuck do I do with this shit? | ||
| Just leave all your shit in the room and buy new shit. | ||
| That's what you do. | ||
| You just go. | ||
| You just, you have your phone in your hand. | ||
| Do you have a computer back in the room? | ||
| I do. | ||
| Okay, so you go back in, you don't wanna leave the computer. | ||
| You go grab your computer, you go, I'll be right back. | ||
| And then you never come back. | ||
| That's what, I came back in. | ||
| I came back in the room. | ||
| I came back in the room, I said... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Buy new clothes. | |
| No, I'm gonna take somebody... | ||
| I'd walk in the fight with a computer that would have been great. | ||
| I would do it. | ||
| I say I'm gonna take somebody else to the fight. | ||
| Oh shit! | ||
| I have my assistant get you a separate hotel room and I'll buy you a single ticket to the fight if you want. | ||
| I don't feel like you're feeling me and it would be a disservice to both of us in wasting each other's time. | ||
| But you have another hotel room, I'll get you a ticket to the fight if you want. | ||
| That's a gentleman's move. | ||
| I like that. | ||
| That's better than what I was gonna do. | ||
| You should have run out the door with a computer. | ||
| It felt weird to do it and it felt weird to build up to doing it but I had a great night man. | ||
| I hung out with another friend in Vegas and she's a much better person. | ||
| Beautiful. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's weird, though. | ||
| Well, that's a good move. | ||
| But that's my fault for that. | ||
| Well, you took a chance. | ||
| I never even had a real conversation with her, and I flew this woman out. | ||
| That's how beautiful she was. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| You took a chance. | ||
| This is what life's all about. | ||
| Yeah, you could meet someone like that on the first night. | ||
| They could be the best person you ever met in your life. | ||
| You'd fall in love forever. | ||
| Right, Jamie? | ||
| It's true. | ||
| I mean, you definitely can. | ||
| I support you on both decisions. | ||
| I support you on your impulsiveness and just flying out a beautiful woman. | ||
| I support you on continuing to eat her pussy and asking for consent in the middle of it. | ||
| I support you on that. | ||
| And I definitely support you getting her another room and doing it classy and getting her a ticket to the fight. | ||
| She didn't want the ticket, but that's fine. | ||
| Good, yeah. | ||
| Even better. | ||
| I support you 100%. | ||
| That's a fucking... | ||
| You got an A +, sir. | ||
| If I was your teacher, if I was your professor... | ||
| In How To Be A Man, I give you a fucking A+. Thank you. | ||
| That's what you're supposed to do. | ||
| I'm getting better. | ||
| I'm growing up. | ||
| Successful comedian with resources? | ||
| Fly that young lady out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| She might be the girl of your dreams. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Might be able to settle down. | ||
| Next time. | ||
| Settle down. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Relax. | |
| Trying to, man. | ||
| It's hard. | ||
| Trying to, growing up. | ||
| It's hard. | ||
| I bought a building. | ||
| I bought some real estate. | ||
| You bought some real estate? | ||
| I bought an apartment building in Chicago. | ||
| Oh shit, a whole building? | ||
| A whole building. | ||
| A three unit apartment building. | ||
| Do you live in it or just bought it? | ||
| Don't live in it. | ||
| It's tenants now, but I want an Airbnb. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| That's interesting, man. | ||
| What if you start a fucking Hannibal Buress hotel? | ||
| I was thinking, that's what, that's like a five, ten year, not five, maybe ten years down. | ||
| I would have to either get other people in with funding and stuff, but I looked at this one place. | ||
| This is one building in Chicago, but it's a lot of money and it would have to be an all cash buy and I can't do it. | ||
| So I'm trying to get other people to partner up. | ||
| Man, the hotel business sounds interesting. | ||
| Like you developed a cool... | ||
| Because it's kind of entertaining in a way. | ||
| Like you're entertaining those people. | ||
| Isn't that off... | ||
| I mean, I'm traveling all the time. | ||
| I'm in hotels, so I kind of know what I like in a hotel. | ||
| But you know what I mean? | ||
| Like the experience of going to a hotel is in a lot of ways like an entertaining experience. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Definitely. | |
| The lounge, the colors, what you have in the lobby. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The stuff in the rooms, you know. | ||
| In a lot of ways, like even the other way, like there's a Motel 6 in Ketchikan, Alaska that I stayed at, and it's fucking great. | ||
| Or Hotel 6, like it's a Hotel 6. Yeah. | ||
| But because it's so ridiculous, because it's in this like really remote place, there's something cool about that. | ||
| You know, there's something cool about just the standardness of it all. | ||
| The wood panels on the door, you know, like that kind of shit. | ||
| I don't even know if they have wood panels, but you know what I mean, like that standard Motel 6 type look. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Even in a place like that, if you went to a place like Ketchikan, Alaska, and there was a Four Seasons, with some sort of fireplace that has broken glass in it, one of those weird ones, you'd be like, what the fuck is this? | ||
| It wouldn't make any sense. | ||
| But the Hannibal Buress Hotel. | ||
| I see a lot of red velour. | ||
| I see a lot like this room. | ||
| I see red velour. | ||
| I see gold lace. | ||
| I see like a beautiful design to the place. | ||
| I hear good music. | ||
| Good music. | ||
| Food smells good. | ||
| Food is good. | ||
| 24 hour food. | ||
| 24 hour food. | ||
| Reasonable mini bar prices. | ||
| I like it. | ||
| I need to make a profit but I'm not gonna fuck you over. | ||
| How many people? | ||
| What are we talking about in this hotel? | ||
| How big? | ||
| Little, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like a boutique? | |
| A little one for the first one. | ||
| Something like 20 to 30 rooms. | ||
| Something like that. | ||
| That's beautiful. | ||
| That's like a fucking party. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| 20 rooms is like a party. | ||
| We all gathered up all of our friends that we knew, and we all brought girlfriends or wives, and there's 20 of us. | ||
| We could fill a goddamn 20-room hotel. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Easy. | ||
| Definitely, man. | ||
| That's a good move. | ||
| I want to... | ||
| Do entertainment for fun like seven years from now and not for money anymore. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Where it's not necessary to go on the road or do a TV show or do a movie. | ||
| I would really love to do that. | ||
| Well then I'm torn. | ||
| Because I want your hotel to be successful, but I want you to keep doing comedy. | ||
| I don't want you to turn into a lazy bitch. | ||
| Not a lazy bitch, but I'll be doing stuff with my real estate. | ||
| My goal, I want to get another building this year. | ||
| Damn, you're a magnate. | ||
| And get two multifamily properties a year for the next five years. | ||
| And then run for president. | ||
| No, no. | ||
| Because that only pays $400,000 a year. | ||
| But it's the speaking fees, man. | ||
| Speaking fees, yeah. | ||
| That's where you make all your money. | ||
| You do your eight years, and when you get out, you make a billion dollars. | ||
| How much do you think Obama's going to make? | ||
| Let me tell you something. | ||
| A couple million. | ||
| You know who should be rooting and crossing his fingers that Trump wins? | ||
| It's Obama. | ||
| Because if Trump wins, Obama will make so much fucking money talking about democracy and giving speeches about what it's like to be a president and what it's like to run the greatest nation in the world. | ||
| He's gonna be fine either way, but he could literally double his money if Trump wins. | ||
| Here's a theory a lot of people have said, I don't think he wants to win. | ||
| Do you think he wants to win with the moves he's been pulling? | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| He said he has one office, one campaign office in Florida that has four employees. | ||
| Good, perfect. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Just win. | |
| Hashtag tiger blood. | ||
| He's not, I mean, beyond the idiotic shit he's saying, he's not really running an efficient Campaign. | ||
| It's entirely possible that he doesn't really want to win. | ||
| If you think about it, it's entirely possible that he thought it would be like, remember when Howard Stern ran for governor of New York? | ||
| Was that 90s? | ||
| Yeah, something like that, wasn't it, Jamie? | ||
| I think it was somewhere in there, but I don't think Howard Stern really wanted to be the governor. | ||
| I just think he wanted to have some fun. | ||
| And that might have been what happened with Donald Trump. | ||
| He might have been just thinking he was going to make a splash. | ||
| Have some fun. | ||
| Now he's in too deep? | ||
| Yeah, and he was still doing his TV show back then, remember? | ||
| Like, he was still the Celebrity Apprentice guy, or whatever it is. | ||
| Not a Celebrity Apprentice. | ||
| Is that the name of the show? | ||
| Why does it sound so stupid? | ||
| It was just The Apprentice, then it was the Celebrity Apprentice. | ||
| So, NBC fired him from that show. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because he was saying a bunch of shit about Mexicans. | ||
| And when they fired him from the show, that's when he ramped it up. | ||
| And when he ramped it up, that's when he got more and more popular. | ||
| And that's when he won the Republican nomination. | ||
| Part of it is because NBC canceled his fucking show. | ||
| That's what happened. | ||
| NBC made Trump. | ||
| This is what we got to blame. | ||
| We got NBC and we got Caitlyn Jenner. | ||
| Because there's a part of America that when Caitlyn Jenner won the Woman of the Year after being a woman for six months, and when ESPN did that giant piece on her, and they're fucking flying over her house with a helicopter, and the drapes are blowing in the breeze, and she's hiding in the shadows, and you're like, what the fuck? | ||
| There's a part of America that was like, fuck this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Enough! | |
| We gotta put our foot down! | ||
| We gotta put our fucking foot down now! | ||
| And then Trump came along, I'm an asshole! | ||
| And they were like, I'm an asshole too! | ||
| Stand up! | ||
| Stand proud! | ||
| People got upset. | ||
| I think there's like an ebb and flow to shit. | ||
| I think when things go too left wing, too progressive, too transgenders in the bathroom, all that crazy shit, when that goes down, there's a part of America that's just not ready yet. | ||
| And they go, fuck that! | ||
| And that's where you get Trump. | ||
| That's a solid theory. | ||
| Solid, right? | ||
| I'm more fascinated when I watch the people in the crowd just really agreeing with the bullshit he said. | ||
| Like when he said the stuff, black people, what do you got to lose? | ||
| You had no jobs. | ||
| Everybody's in poverty. | ||
| And there's people in the back like, yeah. | ||
| He said that? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's a speech? | ||
| There's a speech. | ||
| Oh, please play that. | ||
| He's appealing to black voters. | ||
| There's no jobs. | ||
| You're living in poverty. | ||
| The schools are bad. | ||
| It's 58% unemployment with your youth. | ||
| I mean, what do you got to lose? | ||
| That's a pretty good impression. | ||
| It's not bad. | ||
| I know exactly who you're doing. | ||
| Wow, we were watching earlier when you said that Obama founded ISIS. We were watching that earlier. | ||
| We're like, this is like a pro wrestling show. | ||
| Like, he's saying some crazy shit. | ||
| Just close for it. | ||
| But he's saying some... | ||
| Here, play it so we can hear it, Jamie. | ||
| Trump asking for the vote of every single African American. | ||
|
unidentified
|
To those I say the following. | |
| Oh my God. | ||
| What do you have to lose by trying something new like Trump? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What do you have to lose? | |
| I hope he's high as fuck right now. | ||
| And he's making a documentary. | ||
| Shadow from the hat covering his dumb eyes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Chris Bell's filming all this series secretly. | |
| Look at him. | ||
| They're all screaming, cheering. | ||
| There's a black woman back there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I say it again. | |
| What do you have to lose? | ||
| Look, what do you have to lose? | ||
| You're living in poverty. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Your schools are no good. | |
| You have no jobs. | ||
| 58% of your youth is unemployed. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What the hell do you have to lose? | |
| Wow, this is amazing. | ||
| We're watching a movie. | ||
| It's a Coen Brothers movie. | ||
| And at the end of four years, I guarantee you, That I will get over 95% of the African-American vote. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I promise you. | |
| He's a... | ||
| I promise you. | ||
| Even just saying that, who gives a shit if you... | ||
| What? | ||
| What percentage? | ||
| How do you know that? | ||
| He doesn't have a plan. | ||
| He's just talking. | ||
| It's fascinating. | ||
| But the crowd is what... | ||
| Yeah, it's fascinating. | ||
| If he was doing that for 30 people, I'd be like, okay, I get it, but... | ||
| I have some pretty significant theories. | ||
| I think that people are way too soft. | ||
| I think it's way too easy to stay alive. | ||
| And I think we've never ever had that in human history. | ||
| And I think that we're over breeding because of it at a ridiculous rate. | ||
| And I think there's a bunch of people out there that have no business fucking and or having kids. | ||
| Well, you just turned very serious. | ||
| I'm fucking serious. | ||
| I think it's not their fault. | ||
| It's no one's fault. | ||
| It's just the cycle that we're in. | ||
| We're in a cycle of safety. | ||
| We're in a cycle of safety. | ||
| We're in a cycle of recreational outrage. | ||
| People are getting outrage at things that don't make any sense. | ||
| The reason why? | ||
| There's no life-threatening fucking situations that are constantly at your door. | ||
| There's no wolves. | ||
| There's no fucking... | ||
| Nothing's going wrong. | ||
| So we're going after words. | ||
| You can't say retard anymore. | ||
| You know, don't say tranny. | ||
| We're getting outraged about shit that doesn't make any sense. | ||
| Well, that's more of a product of the internet than survival. | ||
| Those are bad examples. | ||
| Having wolves come at your door. | ||
| I think that's just a product of the internet, people being able to react to something and people being able to gather together on something and then start a petition. | ||
| Yeah, those are bad examples. | ||
| Retarded is not a bad example because that doesn't mean a disease. | ||
| It just means someone who's slow to get things. | ||
| We shouldn't automatically imply that you're picking on someone with a mental illness. | ||
| And in fact, when people initially had Down syndrome, when the birth certificates would come, it would call them a mongoloid idiot. | ||
| That would be what would be listed on the actual birth certificate. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Mongoloid idiot. | ||
| Mongoloid idiot. | ||
| Very straightforward. | ||
| It's very straightforward and very bizarre. | ||
| Hard times. | ||
| These are hard times we're talking about. | ||
| It's good. | ||
| Look, everything is good. | ||
| It's better to be alive right now. | ||
| It's as good as it gets. | ||
| This is a beautiful time. | ||
| But we're going to get things like that. | ||
| We're going to get things like that Trump thing because it's so fucking easy to stay alive. | ||
| It is easy to be alive. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Easy as fuck. | |
| It's fun for it to be easy to be alive. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| I was at my friend's house. | ||
| We just got to balance back. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He was playing PS4, and he was playing baseball on a PS4, which I think is horrible. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Is it horrible? | |
| Why is it horrible? | ||
| Baseball, video games, I'm not into it. | ||
| Give me football, give me basketball, give me fighting, give me a fighting game, give me something shooting, but baseball... | ||
| It's not good? | ||
| ...on a video game. | ||
| Not to me. | ||
| Obviously, everybody likes what they like, but I'm over there as a guest. | ||
| He doesn't even have a second controller. | ||
| So I went on my phone, went on Postmates, Target, The PS4 controller, the UFC 2 game, it was there in 20 minutes to my friend's house. | ||
| What? | ||
| I don't even own a PS4, I just wanted to play something different. | ||
| They can do that? | ||
| They came through with the UFC game and the controller and we hooked that shit up. | ||
| In 20 minutes? | ||
| And we were playing UFC. How the hell do they do that? | ||
| It's just basically a delivery. | ||
| It's not Target, it's Postmates. | ||
| Where it's a person and they are driving around and they waiting for orders. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So I'll take that over at Wolves. | ||
| Fuck yeah! | ||
| No, I'm not saying that it's bad. | ||
| I think this is the best time to be alive ever, for sure. | ||
| But there's guys like you, and there's guys like a lot of my other friends, that I'm just happy to know and happy to be around. | ||
| And then there's a bunch of people out there, unfortunately, and for them, they've been exposed to some bad ideas. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And they don't have the best genetics, and they're living in somewhere that sucks, and they get to vote too. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I do see, when I do, I love reading comments on articles just to see, is that real? | ||
| Is that a real human being that thinks that? | ||
| I'm fascinated all the time where it hurts me and it makes me happy at the same time. | ||
| I can't believe... | ||
| That I live on the same earth as that type of person that thinks that for real. | ||
| Or a person that really thinks that Trump will be president or a person that has these views about that. | ||
| Well, Trump could be president, right? | ||
| I mean, it's halfway there. | ||
| He's the Republican nominee. | ||
| He is. | ||
| He's gotten super far. | ||
| I don't think it's going to happen from here. | ||
| But the fact that he's gotten as close is crazy. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| But I think those people that you're talking about, that you can't believe they think that way... | ||
| They're a product of whatever the fuck happened to them in their world. | ||
| Like, there's pockets of the world that are all a mess right now. | ||
| And if you were born in that pocket or I was born in that pocket in the same sort of circumstances, that's one of the things that it's hard to recognize as a person. | ||
| You see someone's an asshole, you just go, that's a fucking asshole. | ||
| Fuck them. | ||
| But in a way, we kind of look at those people and go, damn, they just got fucked. | ||
| They got born into a group of dummies with a bunch of violent tendencies and crime and bullshit and nonsense, and this is all they've ever known, and they're just trying to get by. | ||
| And, you know, a guy like Trump comes along, like, yes, finally! | ||
| And if it wasn't Trump, it could be a number of motivational speakers all throughout the country that might have nefarious intentions. | ||
| Anybody who's really super charismatic now, it's kind of open game. | ||
| When a guy like Trump can come along and talk as much crazy shit as he has, In some ways, I'm not opposed to him winning. | ||
| Because in some ways, I'm like, look, he is the best guy to fuck this system in the ass. | ||
| And we know this system sucks. | ||
| It's almost like this guy's a suicide bomber. | ||
| Trump's like this wild dude with a vest and a sweaty face, and he's just running into that cafe. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Boom! | ||
| Well, yeah, the two-party system is flawed. | ||
| Anyways. | ||
| I'm gonna put that on a meme. | ||
| It should be more than two people able to run. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| It should be a lot. | ||
| Do you know Tom Rhodes? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He was on Duncan Trussell's podcast the other day, and he was talking about the way it's set up in Holland. | ||
| It's like 10 or something. | ||
| Yeah, something. | ||
| Jamie, see if you can find out how many candidates they have, how many parties, rather, they have in Holland. | ||
| But it's many, many, many. | ||
| And they're all, like, it's real reasonable, like, how they're placed. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| And I'm sure there's like a lot of us, me included, that we're upset because there's some things on one side that I agree with, some things on another side that I agree with, and some things that aren't being represented at all. | ||
| Like the idea that these two people, whatever opinions they discuss are the only opinions that we should all be talking about, that's crazy. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| There should be more. | ||
| Why can't they collaborate, but not Trump? | ||
| Jesus, look at how many they have in Holland. | ||
| This is crazy. | ||
| How many do they have, Jamie? | ||
| Eleven, but there's seventeen. | ||
| Six of them didn't vote in the 2012 election, so they might be brand new. | ||
| I'm not sure. | ||
| But they have eleven different parties? | ||
| That voted in the last, yeah. | ||
| They all had candidates. | ||
| Wow! | ||
| See, that's right. | ||
| That's how it should be done. | ||
| We're getting hoodwinked by a group of people that are just controlling this ancient system. | ||
| And it's not a good system, and they know it's not a good system, but the only way you could ever stop this system is you have to have people with pure hearts and minds that are willing to admit the system sucks. | ||
| So they're going to lose whatever position of influence that they have and step back and be judged by the merit of their own ideas again. | ||
| Instead of being a senator or a congressman or a president, they just say, look, this system sucks. | ||
| You think it sucks? | ||
| I think it sucks. | ||
| Let's get together the best legal scholars and people that understand human nature and let's conduct and compose a system that works. | ||
| And let's really run the government like it's one of us and that we're all in this together. | ||
| These old fucks don't realize that. | ||
| They just cling to power till they're in the grave. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They just hang on to it like it's a rope hanging over the abyss. | |
| They know they're gonna drop into it. | ||
| They don't want to let go. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We need to control these independents! | |
| Reduce the number of percentages they have to be... | ||
| It's just the way it's gonna be, man. | ||
| I'm fascinated by the just level of... | ||
| Obviously, we have egos to want to do what we do, but to want to run... | ||
| A country? | ||
| Just a level? | ||
| Dude, if you can't take jokes and you can't play basketball and you're not really good at fighting, you find a way to be special. | ||
| To want to run it. | ||
| This is a different... | ||
| It's a weird impulse. | ||
| It's a different type of pressure. | ||
| Here's the weirdest thing about that impulse. | ||
| When you see someone out there in the world, when you see someone that you admire, whether it's an athlete or a brilliant scholar or whoever the fuck it is, you see someone, a musician, you see someone you really admire, that person has accomplished something amazing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Is get people to like him. | ||
| Right. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| Like, Obama really didn't have a whole lot of experience in the world, like creating things or making things. | ||
| It went from being, what, a lawyer to a senator, right? | ||
| Lawyer, yeah, then community activist. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then, yeah, state senator, then a senator. | ||
| I mean... | ||
| And he got in, I think, I don't know if it was state senator or senator, but he got in because, uh... | ||
| He moved up because a dude had a sex scandal in Illinois. | ||
| Oh, that's right. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| Who was that dude? | ||
| That's your state. | ||
| I forget. | ||
| I forget who it was. | ||
| But it's not like, pick a person. | ||
| Like, you know, some great person in history that's done something amazing. | ||
| And you look at them and you're like, wow, I would love it if that great person of wisdom and accomplishment, if that person would step up and be president. | ||
| That doesn't necessarily have to be the case in America. | ||
| All you have to do is just be liked. | ||
| Right. | ||
| That's kind of crazy. | ||
| It is. | ||
| It is. | ||
| I don't even know. | ||
| I mean, both Hillary and Trump are 70 or 69. Yeah, they're too old. | ||
| Why are you doing that? | ||
| Why are you doing that? | ||
| Old people can dream, but don't dream so big. | ||
| Dude, you're 30 and you're thinking about retiring. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm Yeah, 33. You're already buying hotels and thinking about an exit strategy. | |
| Yeah, I'm thinking about 100% because I like this. | ||
| I enjoy this, but I mean, I see how I can go. | ||
| I just see how I look at how other people have handled their moment and how other people have handled their finances, and I don't want any part of that. | ||
| So I'm making every step, everything I do, Every day is about being super stable seven years from now and comfortable and to have enough passive income where I don't have to worry about that. | ||
| That's very smart, man. | ||
| It's very smart. | ||
| And you're doing it, like, in a real proactive way. | ||
| Not a whole lot of people look at it that way. | ||
| Everybody else just sort of, like, rides it out, you know? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Or... | |
| Well, it's a weird mindset, right? | ||
| It's like the investment mindset is so different than the creative mindset. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's just... | ||
| Just look, I mean, it's just, you know, not just spending smart and just, I research a lot now and just, you know, shift my internet time from the bullshit to just looking at properties and just... | ||
| That's smart. | ||
| Trying to do something else, man, and just, I just don't, I don't want to end up on no special. | ||
| He spent in 2014 and now he's done it now. | ||
| Real Hollywood stories. | ||
| Hannibal Buress. | ||
| I don't want to be on some goofy ass show that I don't want to be doing eight years from now where you're like, oh, he definitely needed the money. | ||
| I don't want to do anything that I don't want to do. | ||
| Isn't that a funny conversation, man? | ||
| That's a funny conversation because we all know what it's like. | ||
| Have you ever been on a bad show? | ||
| On a bad show? | ||
| Like a bad TV? Not on, no. | ||
| Not really. | ||
| I haven't done that much, that many different TV shows. | ||
| There's a bunch of dudes out there right now working in lumberyards, driving trucks, taking meth, trying to stay awake, listening to us right now, going, you fucking bitches are complaining about being on a shitty TV show. | ||
| Where do I sign up, bro? | ||
| Where the fuck do I sign up to get out of this job? | ||
| And you're right, folks. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You're right. | |
| You gotta humor us. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You gotta humor us. | ||
| Because I've been on a bad show, and I was on a show that was worse than a bad show. | ||
| It was a good show. | ||
| It turned into a bad show. | ||
| I was on the show called Hardball, and it started out, these guys who wrote it, they wrote for The Simpsons, they wrote for Married With Children, Jeff Martin and Kevin Curran, really smart guys. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And they wrote this hilarious pilot. | ||
| We did it. | ||
| Jim Brewer was in the pilot, and I was in the pilot, and a bunch of other people that wound up doing a bunch of different movies and shit. | ||
| And it was a funny pilot and then the network got a hold of it and they just Fuck the shit out of it and they threw in some really hacky producer who wound up getting He wound up getting fired like halfway through the six episodes that we did And it was allegedly there was a bunch of other shit going on and the writing was off the charts bad Yeah, it was so I got to be like on a bad show. | ||
| It's a terrible feeling for a season and No, only like six episodes. | ||
| Six episodes? | ||
| The first one was the pilot, which was really funny. | ||
| And then it just was like all of a sudden I was over here doing something that was terrible. | ||
| And you're better off doing nothing than doing something you hate. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That doesn't make any sense because you make money and ultimately it's worth doing. | ||
| And ultimately for me it was definitely worth something because I learned from the experience. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You can't just do a TV show. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You got to be sure. | ||
| And even if you're sure, like the pilot was really funny, I was pretty sure that that would be okay. | ||
| It doesn't matter because a bunch of other factors can fall into place. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I just remembered I did do a bad show. | ||
| It was my TV show last year. | ||
| What happened with that? | ||
| I think... | ||
| I mean, we had our moments, but it just... | ||
| We might need some more booze to get the truth out of you. | ||
| No, I told you. | ||
| Can I get out here with some ice? | ||
| I think it just... | ||
| It had its moments, but we didn't... | ||
| They came with an idea. | ||
| They came to me. | ||
| And the producer and Comedy Central came. | ||
| Basically, this is the show. | ||
| This is the idea. | ||
| Hannibal doing sketches, man, on the street stuff. | ||
| Just figuring out the answers to these questions. | ||
| But it's just... | ||
| I guess we didn't really focus it and focus the point of view. | ||
| And it was kind of all over the place. | ||
| And we had our funny moments and did a couple good sketches. | ||
| But it just... | ||
| By the end of it, it didn't feel... | ||
| I wasn't excited anymore. | ||
| Those last two episodes were... | ||
| You know, when we do it in front of a live audience, it really was just about finishing that shit, man. | ||
| Wow, I hate to hear that, man. | ||
| Yeah, it's... | ||
| But I'm happy I did it and I had that moment where, you know, for... | ||
| What was that? | ||
| Two months last year? | ||
| I had my own TV show. | ||
| Not a lot of people get to say that. | ||
| But, yeah, it's just, you know... | ||
| And you learned a lot. | ||
| I learned a lot. | ||
| It was fun. | ||
| Got to work with some cool people. | ||
| But yeah, it just wasn't, as far as what I wanted my first, you know, kind of headlining project to be, it wasn't that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Beautiful. | |
| Jameson and Whiskey and Ice just brought up. | ||
| Now, what were you trying to do and what went wrong? | ||
| What am I, an interviewer now? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Listen to that. | |
| Give me the glass, bro. | ||
| Give me some ice. | ||
| I sounded like Matt Lauer. | ||
| What are you trying to do? | ||
| I just went into interview mode as I got some ice. | ||
| You know, I think I kind of went into it not, you know, not really knowing... | ||
| I mean, I learned later on how to run things better and how to give people direction on what I needed a little bit better, but I don't think we came in with a focus. | ||
| because I was thinking with a TV show, not that we would completely wing it, but that we would be able to kind of find it as we go. | ||
| We never did a true pilot episode. | ||
| Cheers. | ||
| Cheers. | ||
| We never did a true pilot episode. | ||
| Our pilot episode was... | ||
| Our premiere episode, and I look at some of my choices. | ||
| I chose this weird-ass closing bit on there. | ||
| Oh, why did I pick that as a bit? | ||
| I didn't write it, but I liked it. | ||
| Sometimes you like stuff in the writer's room. | ||
| That is hilarious. | ||
| And then you execute that shit, and you're like... | ||
| What were we doing? | ||
| Can I ask you a question? | ||
| Sure. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Outside of a television show, if you were just sitting around and someone said, Hannibal, I want you to just be your creative self, would you ever gravitate towards writing sketches? | ||
| Would I gravitate towards writing? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| On your own? | ||
| On my own? | ||
| No, but it's sometimes where I come up with something that definitely works better visually than stand-up. | ||
| Oh, I try to tell a stand-up bit, but it'll work better visually or animated or as a sketch, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, definitely. | ||
| I agree. | ||
| There's some subjects that I've had to abandon. | ||
| I thought they were hilarious, but they just didn't... | ||
| They were a better idea for a play than they would be for a stand-up comedy. | ||
| But when we're coming up... | ||
| Everybody wanted to be on Saturday Night Live because Eddie Murphy was on there. | ||
| Everybody wanted to be on sketch comedy shows because that would lead to these big careers like Adam Sandler and Rob Schneider and all these people that became these huge movie stars, right? | ||
| So we all gravitated towards acting, and then there were sitcoms where Roseanne made all this money, and then Seinfeld made all this money. | ||
| He's like, oh shit, I gotta get a sitcom. | ||
| But when I was on that bad sitcom, halfway in, I was like, this is not what I wanted to do. | ||
| I fucked up. | ||
| I listened to the... | ||
| I wanted to do stand-up. | ||
| That's what I wanted to do. | ||
| Now with a guy like you, what I want to hear is you talk about everything. | ||
| I want to hear you doing prepared shit if that's what you want to do. | ||
| What I would want to hear from you, if I was a producer and I was a network and I was Comedy Central, I would say Hannibal, listen, fuck all these executives. | ||
| Fuck all these producers. | ||
| What do you think is funny? | ||
| What do you want to do? | ||
| I don't want a bunch of people filtering the Hannibal vision. | ||
| When Doug Stanhope and I did The Man Show, which was a giant mistake, one of the big problems with that show was... | ||
| If Doug and I had a fucked up idea, by the time it would get to the- it would be all watered down by the time it would ever get to the television. | ||
| There's no way you could just have some- the only way to do that is like the internet. | ||
| The internet is the only way where you could just- like if someone was smart, they would come along and they would say, listen, if I was Comedy Central, I would say Hannibal. | ||
| It's just like- And we're just going to give you a production team and just come up with whatever the fuck you want to come up with. | ||
| I want you to take six months. | ||
| Just think about what you want to do. | ||
| Because I know it's going to be funny. | ||
| I think you're hilarious. | ||
| I'll take six months. | ||
| Come up with whatever the fuck you want to do. | ||
| Let's put this shit online. | ||
| Let's do this. | ||
| Come on! | ||
| And then if they wanted to make a television show out of that, I mean, that's what happened with Ari Shafir's show. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, they were doing it as the online thing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And honestly, the online's better. | ||
| It's better to get on the online. | ||
| No. | ||
| If you go on the online, it's there always. | ||
| It's there any minute of any day. | ||
| If it's just the TV version of it, I mean, once it goes online, then it becomes equal to the online version. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But there's no, like, loss in not having the TV version. | ||
| Because, like, if someone watches Comedy Central during a show when Ari's on, like, what is Ari's ratings? | ||
| What does he get, like, a million dollars an episode? | ||
| Or a million people an episode? | ||
| A million dollars an episode? | ||
| He'd be very happy. | ||
| He'd be crazy. | ||
| But if he got a million people an episode, like, you could easily, if you had a crazy viral video, like some of Joey Diaz's videos, they probably have close to a million, right? | ||
| How many of Joey's things on This Is Not Happening have more than a million? | ||
| Find out what Joey Diaz's stories on This Is Not Happening have. | ||
| I guarantee you they have a million. | ||
| Yeah, because people, I mean, it's just, people can watch it on their phone, they can watch whatever, they share it on their- And they hear it and they tell your friends. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So if you did that, and you had a show like that, it was just you, if you really want to do a show, just you doing whatever the fuck you think is funny, I'd watch it. | ||
| I'm going to figure it out. | ||
| I'm sure I DVR'd the shit out of that show. | ||
| I'm going to figure it out. | ||
| I've been kind of... | ||
| What do we got here? | ||
| It's us. | ||
| Oh, look. | ||
| What is this? | ||
| This is not happening. | ||
| Joey Diaz. | ||
| 1,129,487 views. | ||
| That's what I'm talking about. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, that's real numbers, man. | ||
| I mean, that's the same kind of numbers you get if you have a TV show. | ||
| It's the same shit. | ||
| Definitely. | ||
| It's real close, man. | ||
| We're like maybe a year or two away from the idea of being on a television show being no different than the idea of being on a YouTube show. | ||
| I mean, a lot of these... | ||
| I'm doing some Celebrities React show on Thursday. | ||
| Where they, like, our viewership is four times the average TV show. | ||
| Like, that's in the email. | ||
| They talk about their numbers. | ||
| Like, yeah, it's two times the normal this, four times that. | ||
| And they have a crazy subscriber list on YouTube, millions of subscribers. | ||
| YouTube, where is that? | ||
| For a lot of things. | ||
| It's just a matter of time. | ||
| I mean, that's how Comedy Central now... | ||
| Judges the success of the show, not just on air, the initial air, they judge it based on the Facebook shares, the YouTube stuff, the Snapchat thing, and all of that. | ||
| It's a combined formula that they use to judge the success of the show. | ||
| It's smart. | ||
| I mean, that's really the way to think about it because they have to be honest. | ||
| There's a giant percentage of the people that are going to watch their show on YouTube or any other... | ||
| I mean, I don't know how many people watch ComedyCentral.com. | ||
| Do you know? | ||
| I would imagine it's not nearly as much as YouTube. | ||
| But what's amazing about YouTube is there's only one YouTube. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How is there not a million YouTubes? | ||
| How is there not a million of these weird websites where you can just upload video anytime you want and watch the craziest shit all day long? | ||
| I mean, there's LiveLeak, right? | ||
| There's... | ||
| What are the other ones? | ||
| There's a lot of weird ones that are based on different countries. | ||
| But they're not popular. | ||
| Not, yeah. | ||
| There's one popular one. | ||
| If you say I saw... | ||
| Google bought YouTube. | ||
| Skynet. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hmm. | |
| 135 million bucks is all they paid too. | ||
| That's it? | ||
| For YouTube? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| When did they buy it? | ||
| 2004 or 5 I think. | ||
| How much is Kanye's entire sneaker line worth? | ||
| If he sold every sneaker, is that a hundred million? | ||
| It's worth pretty close to that probably. | ||
| That's probably pretty close. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| That's how much they paid for that. | ||
| For YouTube. | ||
| YouTube is a monster. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's somehow or another in this world of the internet Where there's probably like, what, how many hundreds of millions of websites? | ||
| I take that. | ||
| I had to correct that. | ||
| 1.65 billion in stock. | ||
| Oh, you son of a bitch. | ||
| Wrong comma. | ||
| Jesus, Jamie. | ||
| Meanwhile, here's some perspective. | ||
| The UFC sold for 4 billion. | ||
| It's more valuable to kick people in the dick and the head and elbow them in the face than it is to create YouTube. | ||
| I looked something up on it the other day. | ||
| I think that's why the numbers were stuck in my head. | ||
| At least from what I read, it costs something like $6.7 billion to run YouTube right now. | ||
| Every year? | ||
| A year. | ||
| And the revenue they're getting, maybe just from ads, is less than $5 billion. | ||
| So they're taking a loss on it. | ||
| What? | ||
| They're doing the future bet, kind of. | ||
| It won't be that for four or five more years. | ||
| It's just how it has been. | ||
| Oh, so that's why there's only one YouTube. | ||
| It's fucking tough to be YouTube. | ||
| It's expensive. | ||
| That makes sense. | ||
| It's amazing, though. | ||
| I mean, if you want to talk about an incredible... | ||
| Example of success like YouTube is the only video upstream place that everybody or upload place that everybody recognizes Instantly yeah in the sea of the internet Yes, sir. | ||
| That's incredible. | ||
| It's top-notch man They do do some good you do do you do ads with them? | ||
| No, no, I mean they put up ads, but I don't have anything to do with it. | ||
| Yeah We do just ads on this show. | ||
| And then we upload... | ||
| The difference between the YouTube version of this show and the podcast version... | ||
| The podcast version has... | ||
| They has... | ||
| Ads that we read, you know, like from a promo email thing. | ||
| And then the YouTube one has no ads. | ||
| It just goes up and then whatever ads, YouTube ads, they add into it. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| As for Onnit, I took some of the Onnit. | ||
| How you feeling? | ||
| I think I'm feeling, I don't know. | ||
| Maybe the whiskey is canceling it out. | ||
| Or maybe I'm just normal. | ||
| Nah, I'm feeling a little drunk. | ||
| I'm good. | ||
| Yeah, it's not going to help the drunk too much. | ||
| Maybe it'll help you formulate sentences. | ||
| Meanwhile, the word formulate came out very clumsily. | ||
| Formulate. | ||
| You ever been to Israel? | ||
| No. | ||
| Have you? | ||
| No. | ||
| I got offered a gig in Israel. | ||
| Don't go. | ||
| In June. | ||
| Why not? | ||
| I'm reactionary. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| You should go. | ||
| I took it. | ||
| You took it. | ||
| I took the gig. | ||
| When is it for? | ||
| It was supposed to be in June. | ||
| Supposed to be. | ||
| Spoiler alert. | ||
| I unearthed the lead. | ||
| But still an interesting story. | ||
| So I took this gig in Israel, in Tel Aviv. | ||
| Only because my ex-girlfriend... | ||
| Is Israeli? | ||
| Is Israeli. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| And so I'm thinking... | ||
| Did she ever fuck you with a machine gun in your mouth? | ||
| No. | ||
| She's not real. | ||
| What the... | ||
|
unidentified
|
And so... | |
| She's Israeli. | ||
| And I'm thinking, hey, maybe she wanna come on this trip with me. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| You know what I mean? | ||
| So I'll take this. | ||
| I'll take this gig over here. | ||
| And... | ||
| And then I took the gig. | ||
| Turns out she was mad because she was like, you didn't go to Tel Aviv with me when we were together. | ||
| So now I got this gig in Tel Aviv that's not even routed with anything else. | ||
| And then I started getting these tweets when people, you know, why are you going to Tel Aviv? | ||
| Do you know what they're doing to the Palestinian people? | ||
| You are supporting genocide. | ||
| And I'm like, I was just trying to get back on my ex-girlfriend. | ||
| And he's like, you are supporting hate? | ||
| You're supporting this Zionist? | ||
| I'm like, I didn't know. | ||
| I just heard it was dope beaches. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ha ha ha! | |
| And so I was getting all these, and they were like, why would you do this? | ||
| Join these other artists that are boycotting Israel. | ||
| Is that common? | ||
| I think it was like Talib. | ||
| I think it was a bunch of other people that won't tour. | ||
| Vanilla Ice. | ||
| Vanilla Ice. | ||
| Craig Zappa. | ||
| Craig Mack. | ||
| Yeah, Craig Mack. | ||
| Ellen DeGeneres. | ||
| G-Depp. | ||
| Lil Wayne. | ||
| A lot of people. | ||
| Bette Midler won't go over there. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| But yeah, so it was just funny getting all of these angry political tweets. | ||
| Okay, that is fucked up. | ||
| What's going on over there? | ||
| But that's not... | ||
| Can I be sympathetic and also maybe do this gig? | ||
| I ended up canceling the gig, but not because of the tweets and the anger. | ||
| It was just because I booked a movie that conflicted with it. | ||
| The movie was more important than the motherland. | ||
| But let me ask you this. | ||
| Honestly, if the girl was going to go with you, and you knew you were going to get your freak on, would you have taken the gig over the movie, or would you have broken her heart and not taken her back to the motherland? | ||
| I would have taken her back another time. | ||
| Another time. | ||
| Good move. | ||
| A gentleman. | ||
| See? | ||
| Not, it's over, bitch. | ||
| Sorry. | ||
| You missed it. | ||
| I'm on Fast and the Furious 56. If I was a girl, I'd be so pissed if a dude broke my crazy trip to Israel for Fast and the Furious 56. To do three lines in it? | ||
| Fuck you and fuck Vin Diesel. | ||
| Fuck you. | ||
| You get run over by a charger. | ||
| And... | ||
| That's a good move, though. | ||
| Take her another time. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, we'll see. | ||
| But did you guys communicate afterwards? | ||
| Did you settle down the issue that you never took her to Israel while you guys were together? | ||
| I don't think we settled. | ||
| I don't think that. | ||
| Some issues you can't settle down and you just work on what you can work on. | ||
| Again, let me bring this up. | ||
| Recreational outrage. | ||
| And let me pose a scenario, okay? | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Here's a scenario. | ||
| You two are living in a cave, okay? | ||
| And a bear just ate her sister. | ||
| And you guys saw it. | ||
| And you escaped, and you fought off the bear's friends with a spear, and you made it to the top of the cave. | ||
| Wait, the bear's friends are other bears? | ||
| We're living 500,000 years ago, Hannibal. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| And the bear's friends are other bears? | ||
| Other bears. | ||
| Why don't you just say other bears instead of the bear's friends? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| Because I'm making it up as I go along. | ||
| Because it made it sound like, when you said the bear's friends, it made it sound like it could be like a giraffe or like some other animals. | ||
| That's a good point. | ||
| It's other bears. | ||
| I don't think bears are friends with anything they can eat. | ||
| But yeah. | ||
| But I just assumed. | ||
| Bear's friends, it's other bears. | ||
| It's another. | ||
| I'm so sorry. | ||
| You make a really good point. | ||
| So. | ||
| Managing to save this girl from being predated upon by these monsters, these giant monsters. | ||
| You fight them off. | ||
| And you get her up to a top cave. | ||
| You carry her over your shoulders. | ||
| You lay her down on the skins. | ||
| We both are unscathed. | ||
| Yes, unscathed. | ||
| But her sister's dead. | ||
| And you lay her down on the skins of a bear that you've also killed yourself with a fucking spear. | ||
| In a separate situation. | ||
| In a separate situation. | ||
| So this is all clean and everything. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| She's not going to complain about you not taking her to the motherland, to Israel, when you guys were dating. | ||
| She's not going to give a fuck. | ||
| Because the stakes are much higher. | ||
| You're a hero. | ||
| You've saved her physical entity. | ||
| You've saved her soul from passing on to the next generation of doubt. | ||
| This beyond land where no one knows what the fuck is really going on. | ||
| You get glimpses if you take mushrooms. | ||
| You stick your head and you pop it back. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And you're never really quite sure whether or not what you saw. | |
| Whatever you saw was real. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Then you'd fuck her on that fucking rug. | ||
| But meanwhile... | ||
| I don't think I'd fuck... | ||
| She's mad. | ||
| Because her sister just died. | ||
| Yeah, you would. | ||
| You'd fuck her. | ||
| You'd be happy. | ||
| She'd be happy for saving her life. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Maybe not her sister. | ||
| How about her cousin? | ||
| How about her cousin who was kind of cunty? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Her cousin who was fat and big and she had giant ankles and she hated her her whole life because she had shitty genetics. | ||
| She's got pink hair. | ||
| She likes to bully small boys. | ||
| How about that girl? | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| I mean, you know, you'd have to ask her. | ||
| Can you imagine if that was the case in the cave people community? | ||
| There was this one girl who was like a cock blocker. | ||
| She had rules. | ||
| She's like, I can't fuck you because my friends tell... | ||
| We all have a rule. | ||
| When we go back to a room, we just can't do it. | ||
| You can't fuck a guy. | ||
| Not on the first date. | ||
| Not on the first date. | ||
| Only after he's built at least seven fires for you. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So sad. | ||
| So sad people not being able to be themselves because they met so many people along the way that weren't themselves and they're like, God damn it, I can't show you yet. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I can't take off my kabuki mask and show you the soul of the eternal self. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I do. | ||
| Sometimes I, uh, this, uh, there was this waitress I was staying at the Vidara restaurant. | ||
| This is a good story, I can tell. | ||
| And she was beautiful. | ||
| And I was hanging out with my friend in Vegas. | ||
| She's cool where, you know, I can... | ||
| Openly talk about other women with her. | ||
| She was like, yeah, she's beautiful. | ||
| And this waitress, she was so... | ||
| AKA lesbian. | ||
| I don't know if that's the word. | ||
| But this waitress was so beautiful. | ||
| You ever meet a waitress... | ||
| I feel like she'd be playing like the Superfly soundtrack. | ||
| You ever meet a waitress where you say, you shouldn't be a waitress. | ||
| It wasn't about her looks. | ||
| She just had a sort of composure to her, just kind of restrained. | ||
| She was beautiful, but still just super... | ||
| She doesn't know yet that people will look at you weird if you're a waitress. | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
| She's a young person who doesn't understand. | ||
| And if she's lucky, she meets a guy like Hannibal Buress, who doesn't judge her for the fact that she's a waitress. | ||
| When she brought me to Bill, I wanted to say... | ||
| I want to say, what are your dreams and how can I help with them? | ||
| Did you say it? | ||
| No, I didn't say that. | ||
| You know why you didn't say it? | ||
| Because we don't hang out enough. | ||
| If I was right next to you, I'd be like, dude, listen to me. | ||
| Let this shit go. | ||
| Who gives a fuck? | ||
| Who gives a fuck? | ||
| Do you miss her? | ||
| I don't miss her, no. | ||
| Do you know where she is? | ||
| I know she's in Vegas. | ||
| How long ago was this? | ||
| This was yesterday. | ||
| You should go back. | ||
| This was yesterday in Vegas. | ||
| Our work here is done. | ||
| You should fly back. | ||
| But you know why I didn't? | ||
| She knew who I was. | ||
| I didn't want her having to sit with my weird energy. | ||
| She had to work her shift after my weird intense energy on her, so I didn't want to leave that stink on her for the rest of the day. | ||
| Also, that might be me overestimating my effect on people. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mmm. | |
| But you know what I mean? | ||
| That's very honest of you. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Cause she don't need that. | ||
| Right. | ||
| That's really honest. | ||
| Again, kudos. | ||
| A plus. | ||
| A plus for handling that weirdness. | ||
| Yeah, what do you do? | ||
| I mean, maybe she wasn't into you at all. | ||
| She might not have been into me. | ||
| She just thought she was really funny. | ||
| Yeah, which is the case most of the time. | ||
| A lot of the time. | ||
| A lot of the time, women are just fans. | ||
| They don't want nothing else besides that. | ||
| And that's a fine too, right? | ||
| I get sometimes girls up in a DM on Instagram and they'll say, hey, you want to meet up, have a drink? | ||
| And I'll just, depending on my mood, I'll say, you trying to get the pipe? | ||
| Just to see what the tone is, you know? | ||
| Because that's a reference to J.R. Smith for Basketball Play. | ||
| Some girl posted up his DMs. | ||
| So I'll say that sometimes. | ||
| Oh, he's a man amongst men. | ||
| How about him for president? | ||
| Run, sir. | ||
| Run. | ||
| But I'll just say that sometimes, because also I don't want... | ||
| It's funny. | ||
| I think that's... | ||
| Also, I think it's whack for a girl to just come in my DM. Yeah, that's... | ||
| Oh my God, that's brilliant. | ||
| So I stole that from him. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Oh, really what? | ||
| You trying to get the pipe? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Holy shit. | |
| And that girl blew him up. | ||
| I'm going to your game tonight. | ||
| Dope. | ||
| Smiley face, I'm a ho. | ||
| Look, how weird is it? | ||
| You can see him, but her face is blurred out. | ||
| We should all be able to, like, see both parties. | ||
| If you want to put this up, you can't hide the darkness. | ||
| We should be able to know who you are, too. | ||
| That's a weird thing to do. | ||
| I like to set the tone sometimes. | ||
| I like that word, too. | ||
| Also, girls will hit me regular style and just say, hey, you want to grab drinks? | ||
| What? | ||
| You just hit me up the same way you talk to your friend? | ||
| Hey, you want to grab drinks? | ||
| Oh, there she is. | ||
| Say something better to me. | ||
| I'm a famous comedian. | ||
| Say something clever. | ||
| Do something. | ||
| Send a pic of your pussy or your titties or something. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jesus. | |
| Don't just say, you want to grab drinks. | ||
| This is not a normal situation. | ||
| If it was normal, you wouldn't be hitting me like this. | ||
| So say something better. | ||
| I see your point, but... | ||
| Let's think about their point. | ||
| I know what their point is. | ||
| They want to play casual. | ||
| They want to play cool. | ||
| They want to keep some innuendo and keep it subtle. | ||
| And I get that. | ||
| And sometimes I play along with that shit too and say, sure, let's grab a drink. | ||
| Let's grab a drink. | ||
| And I'll go through it with it and then everything goes down how I want it to go down. | ||
| But sometimes... | ||
| I just want to hear you say it. | ||
| I want to see you say it. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I hear what you're saying. | ||
| You're saying that you have sexual attraction to them. | ||
| And you want to be sure, if this shit goes any further, that this isn't just some weird celebrity thing. | ||
| Which it ends up being. | ||
| Because sometimes they're like, no, I don't want to fuck. | ||
| I just want to hang out with one of the funniest guys around. | ||
| Well, you know what? | ||
| I'm only in this town for a night. | ||
| I don't want to have... | ||
| Drinks with a fan, just casual platonic-ass drinks. | ||
| I think you should value my time more than that. | ||
| Or, here's the other possible point of view. | ||
| They don't understand why they're even attracted to you. | ||
| They just know they are. | ||
| They know that there's some funny going on. | ||
| They know that you're hilarious. | ||
| They know that you're smart as fuck. | ||
| They're drawn to you. | ||
| They're confused. | ||
| They can't believe they're in contact with a celebrity. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I have to accept the DM. I know, but they're in contact with you. | |
| They're in contact. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's weird. | |
| But see, a lot of times, and it's something that I've accepted, that sometimes they just want to hang out for the fucking brag. | ||
| This one chick... | ||
| I think... | ||
| Yo, in Athens, Georgia, I use Date Naps sometimes. | ||
| And I use Bumble. | ||
| Bumble, what is your profile so we can get you laid? | ||
| It's just, I deleted it actually recently. | ||
| Oh girls, settle down girls. | ||
| I deleted it because I was like, this is too much, there's too much going on here. | ||
| So this chick in Athens. | ||
| Athens, Georgia. | ||
| Athens, Georgia. | ||
| Come through the room. | ||
| I think that's where Forrest Griffin's from. | ||
| She come through the room about... | ||
| I never met her. | ||
| She come through the hotel, like four. | ||
| We go over to the hotel bar, grab a beer, come right to the room. | ||
| It's kind of stiff and awkward, but she's kind of there for it. | ||
| End up having it. | ||
| We have sex. | ||
| It's pretty quick. | ||
| She's about to leave the room. | ||
| I'm like, alright, see you later. | ||
| I got a towel around my waist. | ||
| She's like, uh, can we take a picture real quick? | ||
| I'm like, no! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| You're not getting a fucking post-sex selfie with me? | ||
| Post-groovy sex selfie? | ||
| What world do you live in? | ||
| You just fucking take this story with you and get out of here. | ||
| I'm not getting a selfie. | ||
| But I make bad decisions all the time. | ||
| I feel like we should have a commercial break. | ||
| I don't know how to do one yet. | ||
| We can't splice in commercials. | ||
| You know, I think it's hard being a groupie just like it's hard being Hannibal Buress. | ||
| It's hard. | ||
| It's hard being a person. | ||
| Sorry to be in person. | ||
| Navigating these waters. | ||
| It's weird waters for everybody. | ||
| And I get the energy is bad. | ||
| Not bad, but just this. | ||
| You know what's weird, man? | ||
| Here's what's weird. | ||
| People don't even know why they're attracted to certain people. | ||
| They don't understand it. | ||
| You know, and they try to quantify it. | ||
| I think there's some people that are attracted to people in weird ways and they almost want to test the waters. | ||
| I want to meet you, Hannibal. | ||
| I don't think it's attractive. | ||
| I think it's straight up. | ||
| Sometimes it's attractive and then sometimes it's just straight up. | ||
| Your personal television. | ||
| Your personal stage. | ||
| It could be that. | ||
| But a lot of them are really young. | ||
| If a person's 24 years old, how much do they really understand completely about their motivations? | ||
| Right. | ||
| Or when someone's 22. What you're doing a lot of times is almost like on instinct. | ||
| And then you're sort of self-correcting as you go along. | ||
| You know? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Does that make any sense? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| You just do- I mean, I still occasionally make decisions. | ||
| What the- Yeah, of course. | ||
| Why did I let that person in my apartment? | ||
| Plus, you drink. | ||
| I should've gotten the hotel room instead drinking. | ||
| Drinking. | ||
| Goddammit, we're drunk right now. | ||
| I'm gonna say I'm drunk yet. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| We're buzz. | ||
| Buzz. | ||
| These are big-ass drinks I poured. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| This is really not smart. | ||
| Put this on the internet. | ||
| Yeah, we're about to- We're about to get memed up, man. | ||
| Meamed up and clipped up. | ||
| They're gonna clip it up. | ||
| We can handle this together. | ||
| They're gonna say... | ||
| We're gonna be pilot and co-pilot. | ||
| Misogynist comedian Hannibal Buress. | ||
| You know what you are, dude? | ||
| You're unfiltered. | ||
| And everybody wants to be unfiltered, but nobody wants unfiltered. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's not nobody wants unfiltered... | ||
| But there's a lot of people that don't want unfiltered and they want you to think that nobody wants unfiltered. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, you're not saying anything that I wouldn't expect you to say if we were alone and the microphones were off. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| If you and I were hanging out at the comedy store, we'd have the same conversation and I'd be laughing the exact same way. | ||
| Actually, we wouldn't because there'd be a bunch of other comedians ear hustling. | ||
| You don't trust them, but you'll tell it online. | ||
| Well, you know what it is? | ||
| It does seem, even though obviously it's way more people listening and watching, but it's more about the visual of other people. | ||
| You know when you're having a conversation with somebody, but you feel other people that's not part of the conversation looking. | ||
| Well, that feels more unnatural to me than doing this. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| I agree a thousand percent. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And it probably doesn't make any sense. | ||
| It doesn't make any sense at all. | ||
| It doesn't make any sense at all. | ||
| That's why it's like, I think it's not their fault. | ||
| If someone's hanging around us, there's been situations like that before. | ||
| Where someone is like weaseled into a conversation between me or you or me it was me and Diaz and some other dude the other night and this guy came up to us and just Sandwiches way into a conversation in the kitchen. | ||
| Yeah, I'm like, how'd you get back here? | ||
| Like why come on man like but part of me Part of me thinks like if I was that guy, how would I do it right? | ||
| What do you do if you walk up? | ||
| You know, you're at the comedy store, you're supposed to go left to take a leak, and you go right, and you're into the kitchen, and Joey Diaz is talking to Ari Shafir and Hannibal, and you guys are all hanging out, and hilarious fucking stories are being told, and you just want to stand there and stare. | ||
| Yeah, you would want to listen to it. | ||
| I would do it right now. | ||
| I would do it right now. | ||
| If those guys hated me, if for some reason those guys wouldn't be my friends anymore, I'm like, I don't know what the fuck I did, but damn, I gotta find a hole in this vent so I could listen in on them talk. | ||
| Dude, and one of the weirdest interactions I had with a fan, which I have a lot, because I go out a lot and go drinking, and so I'm super exposed all the time. | ||
| But I was in Chattanooga last year. | ||
| We played at this venue. | ||
| And we go out afterwards. | ||
| Me, Al Jackson, my boy Marcus, a couple girls we met, and we go to this bar. | ||
| Nice bar. | ||
| Not that many people there. | ||
| Maybe 12, 15 people in the whole bar. | ||
| It's big. | ||
| It's pool tables over on this side. | ||
| Bar is here. | ||
| They had these wings. | ||
| They had these smoked wings that I was eating. | ||
| Maybe the best wings I've had. | ||
| Ever? | ||
| Top five. | ||
| Ever? | ||
| I'm crushing them. | ||
| It was a spiritual experience. | ||
| What's so good about them? | ||
| They just were well-made. | ||
| They were grilled. | ||
| They were cooked well. | ||
| I wish I remember the name of this, but the wings were so good. | ||
| Grilled. | ||
| I'm just killing these wings. | ||
| Marinated? | ||
| In the zone. | ||
| Maybe marinated. | ||
| They had good sauce. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hot? | |
| You like spicy? | ||
| I do like spicy. | ||
| Me too. | ||
| But I'm destroying these wings. | ||
| I'm in the zone. | ||
| If it was NBA Jam, I was on fire. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I was like... | |
| And then this dude comes up, man. | ||
| Hey, I was at the show. | ||
| Can I take a picture with you? | ||
| I said, yeah, man. | ||
| I'm eating wings. | ||
| I'm eating right now. | ||
| Give me a few minutes. | ||
| I'm happy to take a picture. | ||
| He's like, come on, man. | ||
| Let me take a picture. | ||
| I was at the show. | ||
| Man, I'm eating right now. | ||
| Let me just finish eating. | ||
| And he said, would you rather me take a wing or take a picture? | ||
| And I said, I'd rather you get the fuck out of my face right now. | ||
| I told you. | ||
| It wasn't a crowded bar. | ||
| It wasn't like a meet and greet. | ||
| I told him I was happy to take a picture with him afterwards. | ||
| Just let me finish. | ||
| I had sauce all over my hands and shit. | ||
| It's very reasonable. | ||
| Give me a few minutes. | ||
| He acts cool and reasonable about it and shit, but literally I know he's stewing a bunch about it. | ||
| So on the other side of the bar is another bigger space where the bathroom is. | ||
| So I go to the bathroom and I step out. | ||
| Coincidentally, who's at the bathroom? | ||
| Oh no. | ||
| He don't say nothing. | ||
| I walk past him, and then it's a long space before you get to the entrance to the bar again. | ||
| And I get there. | ||
| He's standing by the bathroom door. | ||
| He yells, Thought you were cool, Hannibal. | ||
| Thought you were cool. | ||
| You act like an asshole. | ||
| I paid $25 for your show. | ||
| You acting like you're Dave Chappelle or some shit. | ||
| Dave Chappelle and Kevin Hart. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And how many days span between stories? | |
| They're far apart from each other, but it's a go-to when people want to try to diss you and try to bring up a bigger comedian. | ||
| If I was Dave, I'd be pissed right now. | ||
| You think you're Dave. | ||
| How come the old story is me, motherfucker? | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| Basically... | ||
| He said, hey, if Dave Chappelle was mean to me when I kept bothering him while he was eating, I'd get it. | ||
| But you, you have to give me your time. | ||
| You think you're Dave Chappelle? | ||
| I was like, fuck you. | ||
| You paid for a show. | ||
| You didn't pay for a fucking meet and greet. | ||
| I told you I'd take the fucking picture with you after I was done eating and you kept pressing me. | ||
| And so he bitched about the $25 or whatever. | ||
| Nah, I'm like sitting, stewing, man. | ||
| I'm at the bar like this motherfucker. | ||
| I told him I'd take a picture with this bar and even crowd it. | ||
| It would have been easier to take a picture with it if he just fucking relaxed. | ||
| And then I fucking take... | ||
| $25 out of my pocket. | ||
| I ball it up. | ||
| He's over at the pool table. | ||
| I woke up, and I throw it at him. | ||
| Like, take your money back if that's what you wanted. | ||
| And then he throws it back at me, and I ball it up, hit him in the face with it. | ||
| Oh my goodness. | ||
| And then they were ready to fight. | ||
| And I was ready to fight the dude, but then his friend... | ||
| If I was there while this was all going on, I'd be like, where's the exit? | ||
| Okay, who's wearing clothes where I can't tell if they have a gun? | ||
| And then his friend... | ||
| Fuck this going on? | ||
| Then his friend... | ||
| I was ready to punch dude, actually. | ||
| And then his friend pulled out a camera phone, like, oh, your publicist's gonna love this. | ||
| And I'm like, I guess we're not fighting it. | ||
| Wow, you were ready to fight. | ||
| I was ready to fight. | ||
| It wasn't about the 25 bucks. | ||
| It was about... | ||
| It's about the words? | ||
| About the just talking shit and just acting like I wasn't... | ||
| I was being totally chill and saying, hey, I will. | ||
| Let me finish eating. | ||
| Fucking wipe my hands. | ||
| I'm happy to take a picture with you. | ||
| And he kept pressing me, and then he popped off afterwards after I thought we settled it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I know what you mean, man. | ||
| From someone who's been interrupted while you're eating, it is annoying. | ||
| But I've always tried to figure out, like, okay, what is... | ||
| What's the difference between how weird it is for me to be eating for someone to come up to me than it is for them? | ||
| I've gotten better at that too over time where I put myself in the spot and I'm nice and I remember what it is to them for them to ask for that. | ||
| Yeah, listen man, I got a man crush on Anthony Bourdain and every time I hang around with him I feel goofy. | ||
| This is just a fact. | ||
| I just like him. | ||
| I like the way he thinks. | ||
| I like his balls. | ||
| The guy takes up jiu-jitsu when he's 58 years old. | ||
| I think in certain situations, you have to understand the way you feel around someone is affected by your respect for them, and sometimes it gets weird. | ||
| If a dude comes up to you and is like, Hey Hannibal, think I got a picture? | ||
| And you're like, I'm eating right now, man. | ||
| Relax. | ||
| And they don't even know what the fuck they're saying. | ||
| If I'm a Hannibal fan and I walk up and you got a mouth full of wings, I'm like, just real quick, let's take this picture, I got the fuck out of here. | ||
| I can't believe I took this chance. | ||
| But I was like, I told him, yeah. | ||
| But I get that side of it, and that's why I wish I didn't. | ||
| React like that, and I wish I kept it chill, which I do more often now, but it's just, I don't know. | ||
| What you just said is beautiful. | ||
| I do more often now, so you're thinking about it. | ||
| I'm aware of it when people come up to me and I just remember what it is that it... | ||
| It's a privilege that they, you know, support my work and try to just give them that moment. | ||
| But even still, sometimes motherfuckers are genuinely rude, and sometimes people can be entitled, and sometimes people don't care if you're talking to three women. | ||
| They will. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| They will bust that shit up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You're right. | |
| I mean, it's one of the things about life. | ||
| You never know who you're gonna run into. | ||
| You can run into someone that's just goofy. | ||
| Yeah, but it's an interesting lens, man. | ||
| It's an interesting lens, not just for you, but also for me to look through what you're talking about, but for other people, too, as well. | ||
| You know, I think we're all doing this weird thing, man. | ||
| We're all just surviving in this strange life that's temporary. | ||
| If we're lucky, we get a hundred years. | ||
| If you're lucky, but the last few years. | ||
| That's super lucky. | ||
| Super lucky. | ||
|
unidentified
|
For the last few years, you're just hanging on. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Just hanging on, just waiting to get weary enough so you let go and slip into the abyss. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I try to keep the perspective, especially in this business. | ||
| This is... | ||
| This is a limited moment. | ||
| This is a limited time. | ||
| But it's not. | ||
| It's not. | ||
| I hate when people like you say that. | ||
| What? | ||
| I think I was talking about this last time, too. | ||
| You're funny as fuck, dude. | ||
| You're not going anywhere. | ||
| I hate when someone who's fucking... | ||
| You know who pisses me off? | ||
| Jim Norton, if you listen to me, you cunt. | ||
| Stop telling me. | ||
| Stop telling me you're worried about the future. | ||
| Stop it. | ||
| You're fucking awesome. | ||
| I hate when awesome people don't know they're awesome. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Relax, bitch. | ||
| But even... | ||
| Jim Norton, you're fucking amazing. | ||
| It's hilarious. | ||
| You don't have a goddamn thing to worry about. | ||
| There's gonna be people going to see Jim Norton for the end of time. | ||
| And I'm one of them. | ||
| I feel the same way about you. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I mean, I just... | ||
| I think seven years. | ||
| Seven more years. | ||
| Hotels. | ||
| Got hotels on the brain. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Seven more years. | |
| Stocks. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| You do stocks at all? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Stocks. | |
| A little bit? | ||
| I do really intelligent Jewish gentlemen who handle your money because you're too fucking stupid to do it. | ||
| That's what I do. | ||
| Big fan of the Jews. | ||
| They had put a lot of my money in mutual funds. | ||
| I looked at what a mutual fund is with other people buying stocks. | ||
| I don't like that. | ||
| I cash out my mutual funds and I want to pick my own stocks. | ||
| Well, if you're really into owning hotels and picking stocks, I understand. | ||
| Me? | ||
| I'm not into that. | ||
| You know what company I like? | ||
| It's this company called Catapult Sports. | ||
| They do wearable GPS technology. | ||
| The Golden State Warriors use them. | ||
| Some other pro teams use them. | ||
| Like what are you wearing? | ||
| Like a vest or something? | ||
| It's like for practice, in different training, they track athletes' performance. | ||
| Whoa! | ||
| How crazy is that? | ||
| They're tracking people from a satellite, how fast they're moving? | ||
| I mean, I can't get into the super specifics of it. | ||
| Mark Cuban invested in them in 2014. I found them on accident when I was looking up some pharmaceutical company called Catalyst, and for some reason my brain put Catapult. | ||
| Then I found this company, started looking it up. | ||
| You found them by accident? | ||
| I found them on accident, started looking it up, and I... I invested in them kind of heavily. | ||
| That's a very good move. | ||
| Dude, you want to be my manager? | ||
| That is a really... | ||
|
unidentified
|
You got super, super fortunate. | |
| That's like a crazy typo. | ||
| But yeah, it was recent. | ||
| It was about two months ago. | ||
| And anytime I call my stock guy, I keep upping my position in him. | ||
| And I'll call him and say, hey, give me $25,000 more on Catapult. | ||
| And then he'll be like, hey, well, let's... | ||
| Give me a call real quick. | ||
| You can't just text him. | ||
| He just wants to talk me through it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You got a lot in Catapult already. | |
| You sure you want to do Catapult? | ||
| What about that other stock I told you about? | ||
| That stock is doing way better now. | ||
| I like Catapult, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Dude, you just blew Catapult the fuck up. | |
| I like what you just did. | ||
| I think it's a solid... | ||
| I mean, but I wouldn't... | ||
| I've told friends about it. | ||
| They like it, too. | ||
| It's still early in the company. | ||
| And they got offices in the States, too. | ||
| They're based in Australia, and I think... | ||
| If I don't know what the fuck it is, explain it to me. | ||
| What does it mean? | ||
| Wearable GPS technology. | ||
| Now, if I'm an idiot, and I'm hearing that, I'm like, okay, so you're using a satellite to track the movement of people on Earth? | ||
| They're tracking the performance. | ||
| Like, heart rate, workload, steps. | ||
| It's all done through, like, what, an ankle bracelet? | ||
| Like, what do you put on them? | ||
| I think that chest. | ||
| How do you know what the exertion is? | ||
| Is it a vest? | ||
| Oh, it's a vest. | ||
| Is it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| Oh, this guy. | ||
| Oh, that's what you were showing me earlier? | ||
| Oh, that's different. | ||
| Okay, that makes sense. | ||
| This dude just got like a chest harness, which I'm sure could measure, I don't know, like energy? | ||
| What would it measure? | ||
|
unidentified
|
If it's... | |
| How does something on your chest measure what you're doing with your legs? | ||
| Like, how do those iPhone apps measure your strides and how many steps you take in miles? | ||
| They can do it off of, like, it's not easy math, but they can tell how far, like, if you're six foot, they know how long, like, the bounce. | ||
| Oh, you enter your height. | ||
| Whatever it's called, the little cyclometer. | ||
| Oh, interesting. | ||
| I'm not thinking of the right word. | ||
| So it's not necessarily tracking you through GPS? This one might be. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| This one is, right? | ||
| Isn't that the premise behind this one? | ||
| Do you know how they do it in the UFC when they're tracking how many feet they're running around the octagon? | ||
| Dude, that's a good question. | ||
| They don't have a GPS shit on them. | ||
| They're probably following them with a tracer. | ||
| Maybe a dude, it's his job to follow each person. | ||
| I mean, I would do that. | ||
| But you know what, man? | ||
| That statistic is interesting. | ||
| I support the chasing of the data. | ||
| I try to figure out how much someone will lose. | ||
| But it's not that important. | ||
| It's not that important. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| It's getting super specific. | ||
| Because it doesn't necessarily... | ||
| It's a statistic. | ||
| It's interesting. | ||
| You shouldn't dwell on it. | ||
| So these dudes that are playing soccer, they monitor all that too? | ||
| How much each team runs and all that shit? | ||
| In football, they just recently, over the last couple of years, stopped hitting in practice. | ||
| Not because they found out about concussions and whatnot, but it's also added technology. | ||
| When I was at Cowboys training camp last week, there was a guy telling me they brought in 8K cameras for when Tony Romo was hurt so he could sit in a truck in the back of practice and watch real-time Football practice with a headset on, like VR stuff. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| And so he could see the real speed. | ||
| You could see everything that was going on. | ||
| Yeah, that's insane. | ||
| And still give advice on what was going on. | ||
| He was hurt for the last eight weeks or whatever the year. | ||
| And they don't have it all the time because it's really expensive to run right now still, but... | ||
| They still had 360 cameras running around following the players. | ||
| Lots of crazy stuff. | ||
| Shout out to the dude from the Dallas Cowboys. | ||
| What's his name? | ||
| Charles that drives the Hall of Fame truck. | ||
| He hooked it up. | ||
| He gave me a card to give it to Jamie. | ||
| He's like, I know Jamie's a football fan. | ||
| Let's make it happen. | ||
| Gridiron. | ||
| They're doing that for the UFC too. | ||
| They're just trying different things out. | ||
| 360 video. | ||
| There's new technology. | ||
| Dude, there's going to be virtual reality where you're going to be able to be Nick Diaz as he fights against Conor McGregor. | ||
| You're going to be able to look through each fighter's eyes. | ||
| They're going to figure out a way to do it. | ||
| Can you imagine? | ||
| Just a little chip. | ||
| What chip you got, Jamie? | ||
| I got the S18. Oh man, you should have waited for the 19. I know, I know, but I'm pretty happy with the 18. I mean, it doesn't take as much battery life. | ||
| I got 360 degree capability. | ||
| It's just low resolution. | ||
| It's good. | ||
| We're good. | ||
| That video game is pretty intense. | ||
| The new UFC game on PSA. And I know it sounded like I'm plugging, but it... | ||
| No, it was cool. | ||
| We were yelling. | ||
| Me and my friend were like, ah! | ||
| It was that intense because it's parts where you're almost about to knock the guy out. | ||
| It's a good game. | ||
| It's a very good game. | ||
| I had fun. | ||
| I can attest to it because I had to do the commentary for that game. | ||
| When you hear that EA Sports game, that's not commentary from actual fights. | ||
| That's commentary of just me doing pretend and Goldberg doing pretend. | ||
| Dude, we did a... | ||
| Fuckload of hours. | ||
| Yeah, I mean it was hours and hours and hours and hours and it was over a long and I'm not complaining I'm just saying you have to say so much stuff and there's me man. | ||
| They even scanned me and they put me in the game. | ||
| Yeah, I'm in the game you have to have a secret unlockable I gotta have a code like the Konami code. | ||
| Oh I did this so I can get out of doing more commentary. | ||
| Because there was so much to do. | ||
| Damn, I wish I looked that good. | ||
| There was so much to do. | ||
| Oh, that's dope. | ||
| It was a constant grind. | ||
| But I put my full effort into it. | ||
| I really wanted it to be good. | ||
| I was thinking if I was a kid and I was playing this game, I would want it to sound like a guy really got head kicked. | ||
| Dude, it's... | ||
| It's intense, man. | ||
| I hear it is, man. | ||
| It was fun. | ||
| You don't want to see me get beat the fuck up. | ||
| Just Jamie. | ||
| Jamie's showing a video of me about to get my ass kicked by Nick Diaz. | ||
| Oh, you get destroyed really fast? | ||
| I would imagine if the game's realistic. | ||
| Pull it up. | ||
| I would imagine I get fucked up. | ||
| The people want to see it! | ||
| Wait, but they might have you since you're a secret character. | ||
| They might have you... | ||
| I got some bullshit skills. | ||
| They might have you juiced up. | ||
| It doesn't matter. | ||
| I got some bullshit skills. | ||
| Let's hear my... | ||
| Because, you know, I'm super casual fan, so my commentary... | ||
| No, Rogan with the leg kicks. | ||
| I've never heard this before. | ||
| Oh, is it? | ||
| Oh, Rogan with the leg kicks. | ||
| Rogan got kicked in the face. | ||
| Oh, oh, Rogan with the kicks. | ||
| Diaz is backing up. | ||
| Rogan missed. | ||
| Uh-oh, Rogan kicked in the chest. | ||
| Tattoos accurate. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| Uh-oh. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh! | |
| Uh-oh. | ||
| Rogan's not caring about the height disadvantage. | ||
| Uh-oh. | ||
| Rogan's in danger. | ||
| Uh-oh. | ||
| Let's see what Rogan's ground game is like. | ||
| Not good. | ||
| Diaz is about to punch Rogan in the face. | ||
| Uh-oh. | ||
| Dog shit off my back. | ||
| Will Rogan be able to pull off a submission from this position? | ||
| Uh-oh. | ||
| Rogan with the turnaround! | ||
| It's called a sweep. | ||
| Full mount. | ||
| Full mount. | ||
| I let him up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Rogan with the good kick. | ||
| Rogan, back up. | ||
| Uh-oh. | ||
| Ooh! | ||
| This should be illegal. | ||
| Oh, dang! | ||
| Rogan, reeling back in tight. | ||
| Should be illegal to watch two people fake fight when you know one dude would beat the fuck out of me. | ||
| No, I said me. | ||
| So as to not leave any... | ||
| any confusion. | ||
| Oh! | ||
| This is so stupid. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh! | |
| Oh, he's about to finish him! | ||
| Oh, jeez. | ||
| Oh, shit! | ||
| Stop it! | ||
| He's out. | ||
| Oh, shit! | ||
| Ew, wait. | ||
| Why did they let me punch him in the head when he was unconscious? | ||
| Why don't they stop the fight quicker than that? | ||
| The fake me, rather. | ||
| And the fake him. | ||
| How'd that feel? | ||
| It was weird. | ||
| It felt weird. | ||
| You know what bothered me the most? | ||
| The last two punches. | ||
| Because he wasn't... | ||
| He was already unconscious. | ||
| The fake him, obviously. | ||
| That was a good kick. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Do you know how hard Nick Diaz would fuck me up? | ||
| Like, this is an embarrassment to humanity. | ||
| This is allowed to be a visual image of me beating Nick Diaz's ass. | ||
| I've dunked on LeBron James before, dude. | ||
| Enjoy that shit, man. | ||
| That's what, it's an escape. | ||
| This is what I want to see. | ||
| I want to see Nick Diaz versus Conor McGregor. | ||
| That's what I want to see. | ||
| I want to see that more than I want to see anything in life. | ||
| I wish I had something to say about that. | ||
| I want to see more than I want to see the Aurora Borealis, more than I want to go to the Keck Observatory in Hawaii and revisit the Milky Way, more than I want to see any of those things, I want to see Nick Diaz versus Conor McGregor. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Nick Diaz. | ||
| Conor McGregor had a cool, his little walk around the ring as he got in. | ||
| It was awesome. | ||
| He was awesome. | ||
| He's a bad motherfucker, dude. | ||
| The way he walked around when he got in the ring, I didn't think he was going to get punched in the face as much as he did. | ||
| I mean, he still won. | ||
| But that was a cocky entrance. | ||
| I was like, oh, he about to first-round knockout this motherfucker the way he just came in here. | ||
| Well, I mean, what he's trying to do is just, like, shake it off, put an air out there. | ||
| But at the end of the day, he's fighting Nick Diaz. | ||
| No one's getting no first-round knockouts. | ||
| This is going to be a crazy war. | ||
| He knew it. | ||
| He had to be conservative in that fight. | ||
| The energy was so crazy. | ||
| Oh my god, it was insane. | ||
| Like nothing ever, right? | ||
| I'm so glad I went to see it live. | ||
| Oh man. | ||
| Me too. | ||
| As I said, I'm a casual fan. | ||
| There's a couple times where Conor knocked him to the ground. | ||
| Conor doesn't want to do ground game with him at all. | ||
| Because he would knock him to the ground, and he would tell him to come up. | ||
| Where I would think, normally for my lack of MMA knowledge, I would think once you knock somebody to the ground, you try to go in... | ||
| With those hammer fists or whatever. | ||
| You could. | ||
| You could. | ||
| However, if you do that with a guy like Nate Diaz, he might not be hurt at all. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Especially when you consider the fact that Connor threw a bunch of really powerful left leg kicks, and he had fucked up Nate's right leg. | ||
| Because of the fact they're both southpaw, what happens is that back leg becomes the front leg. | ||
| So the right leg is in front, right? | ||
| And he's just getting chewed up with this left power leg kick right from the beginning, like over and over and over and over again. | ||
| When you get hit with a bunch of really powerful leg kicks like that, it makes it super difficult for you to move. | ||
| And then Conor just fought a smooth, smart game plan. | ||
| He engaged from the outside, where his speed was an advantage, and did some damage, but didn't unload himself like he did in the first fight. | ||
| In the first fight he did that too, but then he unloaded himself. | ||
| And Nate survived, and when he survived, Conor's gas tank was empty. | ||
| So this time, Conor was way more conservative. | ||
| Yeah, I would say he would run away a little. | ||
| But he would run back to... | ||
|
unidentified
|
He would run away. | |
| No, you could say it. | ||
| He would run away. | ||
| He ran away. | ||
| But when he was on the cage, when he'd get close to the cage, he would run it and make it more into the center. | ||
| Man, it's okay. | ||
| You know, people are mad that he ran away. | ||
| How can you win when you move away? | ||
| Because sometimes you take a break. | ||
| Sometimes you take a break. | ||
| He knows there's three moments in the round. | ||
| I mean, I don't know when it was. | ||
| There was a couple moments in time where he totally turned away from him. | ||
| But then he engaged. | ||
| Yeah, it wasn't like he was running the whole thing. | ||
| When he found himself in a compromising position, he would get out of it. | ||
| It's interesting. | ||
| It's an interesting thing to do. | ||
| You guys trying to kick your ass, you're like, I'm gonna go over here for a minute. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's something funny about it, you know? | ||
| It seems like a good move. | ||
| It's the right move. | ||
| When you don't feel like you can fight right now, what do you want to do? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Stand in there like a man and take it on the chin, pussy. | |
| Come on, pussy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Get in there. | |
| If you don't feel like you can breathe, maybe you should move away and breathe. | ||
| Otherwise, some dude could punch you in the body and you can go down. | ||
| It's not a smart move to stand in there if you feel tired. | ||
| How many fights do you think happened amongst the audience? | ||
| Audience members? | ||
| Way less than you would think. | ||
| I saw this girl, she was fighting her boyfriend or something. | ||
| I don't even know if it was her boyfriend, but she was choking him and she was going crazy. | ||
| And she had walked away and she came back to him. | ||
| And then she was blonde and sort of looked lightly like Ronda Rousey. | ||
| I posted it on Snapchat, like, Ronda Rousey out here trippin'. | ||
| And then some MMA Twitter posted, apparently Ronda Rousey is at that. | ||
| I'm like, no! | ||
| Ronda Rousey wouldn't be running crazy. | ||
| Because it's a video of, you don't really see the face, but you see security chasing some blonde woman. | ||
| That is so stupid. | ||
| Apparently Hannibal spotted Ronda Rousey. | ||
| Apparently he's the only one that spotted that. | ||
| Nobody else took. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That is so stupid. | ||
| I had a good time, man. | ||
| Meanwhile, she's like one of the last women that you would ever want to fight at a gas station. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Like Ronda Rousey. | ||
| She would throw you in your fucking head. | ||
| On the concrete. | ||
| It's terrifying to have women like that out there. | ||
| They could just beat your ass, Hannibal. | ||
| I don't like it. | ||
| Whenever I'm at the UFC and somebody gets kicked in the face, I just think about how disappointed I'd be if I got kicked in the face. | ||
| What did I do in my life? | ||
| Why is somebody kicking me in the face? | ||
| You've never been kicked in the face? | ||
| Never just been kicked in the face. | ||
| Especially, like, that's why I'm glad I didn't fight that guy, and I'm glad I don't, you know, put myself in a situation where I gotta fight a stranger, because you never know. | ||
| I'm just, if I was to be fighting, I'm trying to throw hands poorly. | ||
| But if somebody just kicked me in the face, I'm like, oh, I didn't know you were going to do that. | ||
| This Donald Cerrone combination, god damn, that's beautiful. | ||
| Left, right, left, high kick. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Boom. | |
| Yeah, and he just turned his back. | ||
| That is Matrix shit. | ||
| Donald Cerrone lives in the fucking Matrix. | ||
| Right now, at 170. He's coming on the podcast next week, Jamie. | ||
| He's here on next Tuesday. | ||
| I'm gonna fucking convince him, live on the internet, don't drop down from 170. And 170's a fucking wizard. | ||
| Who the hell's stopping Rick's story like this? | ||
| Oh, man. | ||
| Donald Cerrone's a fucking wizard. | ||
| He's a wizard at 170. It felt... | ||
| It felt kind of barbaric or archaic, but when you have money on somebody and they're beating the shit out of somebody else and you're winning, it's a different type of emotion. | ||
| When Cerrone started fucking that dude up, I stood up like... | ||
| You were in there with him. | ||
| I was in there with him for a fucking couple thousand dollars. | ||
| Hell yeah, I was with him. | ||
| I appreciate your loyalty, first of all, to both Onnit and Donald Cerrone. | ||
| Dope. | ||
| And then Johnson. | ||
| I bet on Johnson right before the fight started. | ||
| I was like, I'll bet on him. | ||
| What were the odds? | ||
| He was minus 250. That's pretty reasonable, considering how hard he hits. | ||
| And he won it so fast, so I bet on him. | ||
| Somebody told me, I have to research it. | ||
| Please do. | ||
| Was that the fastest knockout in the history of the light heavyweight division? | ||
| It was... | ||
| 13 seconds or something? | ||
| Took me longer to place my bet. | ||
| Dude, he hit so hard. | ||
| Dude, that happened so fast. | ||
| I was like, what? | ||
| He hit so hard. | ||
| It happened so quick. | ||
| When Glover started pressuring him, like when I score a fight, or rather commentate a fight, when I watch something like that, I'm like, okay, what can Glover do and what can Rumble do? | ||
| We know Rumble has awesome stand-up skills. | ||
| We know he had a college wrestling background. | ||
| We know he's really powerful. | ||
| And he's probably the hardest hitter ever. | ||
| So what can Glover do? | ||
| He's really technical. | ||
| He can survive a storm. | ||
| Maybe he could take him down. | ||
| Maybe he can get him into deep water. | ||
| So he starts out super aggressive bobbing and weaving Tyson style. | ||
| And one haymaker. | ||
| One haymaker uppercut. | ||
| Ryan Jimmo. | ||
| Wow, seven seconds. | ||
| God damn, Ryan Jimmo. | ||
| Rest in peace, Ryan Jimmo. | ||
| He just died recently. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Run over by a car in Canada. | |
| James Irvin, the Sandman. | ||
| Eight seconds. | ||
| Who did he fight? | ||
| And then Johnson. | ||
| Rumble Johnson. | ||
| To gamble on that and have it happen that fast, that's like fucking craps almost. | ||
| They should put like a 30 second over under on some of Rumble's fights. | ||
| Literally a 30 second. | ||
| Because he's so scary right now. | ||
| He's so scary. | ||
| He hits guys in a totally different way. | ||
| It's like he knows something that nobody knows about how to hit people. | ||
| Because this dude, what was that guy's record that he fought? | ||
| 25 and 4? | ||
| Oh, Houston Alexander. | ||
| 8 seconds. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| What was the guy at Johnson Falls' record? | ||
| Was it 25 and 4? | ||
| Like, he was an elite... | ||
| Oh, Glover is beyond elite. | ||
| Glover's fought for the title. | ||
| He had a five-round fight with John Jones, went to the distance. | ||
| Yeah, he's one of the best fighters in the world. | ||
| Glover is excellent. | ||
| And that's crazy that he got in 13 seconds. | ||
| You know what it is, man? | ||
| The human frame... | ||
| The skull, the brain, the neck can only take so much. | ||
| It just can only take so much. | ||
| And most people can't hit that bell. | ||
| You know that bell when you go to the carnival and you slam down on that bell and the little thing goes up and ding! | ||
| Most people can't make that thing ding in this world. | ||
| But Rumble Johnson, he can make that thing ding every time with his opening barrage. | ||
| With his first, you know, name the number. | ||
| 200 punches and kicks, whatever it is. | ||
| He can knock you the fuck out. | ||
| The question with a guy like that is, if he gets past that 200 number and the opponent is still there... | ||
| Can he make it through it? | ||
| And that's what happened in the Cormier fight. | ||
| It's like Rumble hit Cormier with everything but the kitchen sink. | ||
| But Cormier is so fucking tough. | ||
| He's so tough from being a world-class Olympic wrestler, from a guy who competed all over the world. | ||
| He's just got this level of toughness that you can't recreate. | ||
| And he takes a big bomb but figures out how to scramble and survive. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And so he makes it into... | ||
| What round did Cormier submit Rumble? | ||
| See, the thing about a guy like Rumble, though, is you could submit him once, but once he figures out what you did, and he remembers how much it sucked when you did that to him, can you do it again? | ||
| And if you can't do it again, what if he can figure out how to keep it standing? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What if he could figure out how to keep hitting you with those barrages of heavy bones coming flying at you with perfect technique? | ||
| He hits so fucking hard, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Third round? | ||
| Well, Cormier took him into deep water, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What is... | |
| Cormier's such a bad motherfucker. | ||
| Like, where does that come from? | ||
| You know how some people just... | ||
| Naturally fast? | ||
| Are you just naturally able to hit hard as fuck, or do you punch walls sometimes? | ||
| You can definitely get better. | ||
| You can get better, but it's also a natural sort of force? | ||
| This is the reality of it, totally objectively. | ||
| Everybody has a ceiling. | ||
| You can't pass that ceiling. | ||
| You see certain people that have certain frames, like maybe they have really narrow shoulders and really small hands and a really small waist. | ||
| They can't generate the same kind of power that a guy like Rumble Johnson can. | ||
| Or there's a lot of other guys. | ||
| A guy like Rampage Jackson can. | ||
| Or a guy like George St. Pierre can. | ||
| There's certain like physiques. | ||
| You know, Elir Latifi, you ever see that guy fight? | ||
| No. | ||
| Pull this motherfucker up. | ||
| I think he's fighting Ryan Bader. | ||
| I say motherfucker with all due respect, sir. | ||
| He's just... | ||
| Tank of a wrestler! | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you look at that guy's frame, and he just bombs on dudes, knocks them unconscious, but you look at his frame when he's throwing punches, and you just go, okay, there's levels of athletes, right? | ||
| There's levels of wrestlers, there's levels of strikers, and when you see certain dudes, the way they can move their body. | ||
| Like, you ever watch Cirque du Soleil? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You've seen it live? | ||
| Seen it live seven times. | ||
| Crazy, right? | ||
| Yeah, it's the craziest. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| You feel like, how the fuck do they do that with their body? | ||
| Right. | ||
| You immediately start feeling inadequate with your body. | ||
| No, not me. | ||
| That's how I feel. | ||
| I just get inspired by the choreography and I say, I need to step my show up. | ||
| Oh, that's beautiful. | ||
|
unidentified
|
See, me? | |
| I'm retarded. | ||
| I think I want to figure out how to do a handstand with one hand while holding a check above me with one hand. | ||
| So this is, okay. | ||
| It's a tank. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So he's a light heavyweight or heavyweight? | ||
| Light heavyweight. | ||
| 205. Okay. | ||
| So the point being that a gentleman like this... | ||
| Oh, only 13 pounds less than me! | ||
| I'm a light heavyweight! | ||
| Me and him. | ||
| Me and him. | ||
| He weighs 205 for about 13 minutes. | ||
| And then he probably goes back up to whatever it is before he starts his cut. | ||
| But my point being, look at the size of that motherfucker! | ||
| I mean, Jesus Christ, look at that dude! | ||
| He's a tank! | ||
| There's limitations of the human frame, and that guy has a different bone structure than Doogie Howser. | ||
| There's just no denying it. | ||
| That's a bad example, but there's a lot of guys that are his size that just don't have the kind of advantages that he has bone structure-wise. | ||
| Physically, what he can do. | ||
| There's a certain amount of horsepower. | ||
| That certain guys have. | ||
| And you watch them fight. | ||
| Look at that guy. | ||
| It's a fucking tank of a man. | ||
| Brock Lesnar. | ||
| Perfect example. | ||
| Guy takes off. | ||
| How many years did he take off? | ||
| Like five years at least? | ||
| Six years at least? | ||
| He fights Mark Hunt. | ||
| Roids or no roids? | ||
| Whatever the fuck he tested positive for, or anti-estrogen blockers, or whatever he tested. | ||
| Forget about all that. | ||
| The fact that this guy was able to fight Mark fucking Hunt after five or six years of no fighting, just doing pro wrestling, and then win. | ||
| That's insane. | ||
| You know, I had a bet in on Mark Hunt, and you had told me, and I didn't know, I told you I'm a casual fan. | ||
| I took Mark Hunt, but I didn't know anything about him, and then he walks out, and I'm like, oh shit, this motherfucker is built, he's built like me! | ||
| So I had a cash bet in, so I did not go on in my book, my online book, this is before the fight started, I'm trying to bet on Brock Lesnar real quick. | ||
| Oh, that's hilarious. | ||
| They had already taken the bet down and I was like, oh man, I didn't bet on this guy that's built like me. | ||
| Brock Lesnar is about to work him out. | ||
| See, here's the thing though. | ||
| That's not necessarily true. | ||
| I know it's not necessarily true, but that was my instinct at the time. | ||
| Like, oh no. | ||
| What Brock Lesnar did in taking that amount of time off and then beating a guy like Mark Hunt, that's so extraordinary. | ||
| And he's probably never going to get the credit that he deserves because of the fact that one, he was a pro wrestler, and then two, he tested positive for this anti-estrogen blocker, whatever the fuck he took. | ||
| I don't know what happened. | ||
| Who knows? | ||
| It could have easily been some performance-enhancing formula that he bought from GNC, or it could have been something more insidious. | ||
| Whatever the fuck it was. | ||
| The fact that this guy was able to beat Mark Hunt after all that time off just shows you what an amazing athlete he really is. | ||
| There's no way in hell that certain guys are going to catch up to that guy. | ||
| If that guy just keeps working out... | ||
| Like, there's guys that, like... | ||
| If they just keep working out, and they stay healthy, and they stay fit, and they get into the cage healthy and fit with no injuries, which is like the primary... | ||
| Just like you. | ||
| There's certain guys that you're like, you're in a world of shit. | ||
| If you get a guy like Brock Lesnar into the ring with you and he's not hurt and he's in great shape and he has no injuries, you're in a world of shit. | ||
| You're standing in front of a Goliath of a man. | ||
| A guy who has to struggle to diet down 265 pounds. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's not fair. | ||
| What about CM Punk? | ||
| Is he good or is he making his debut? | ||
| He's making his UFC debut. | ||
| But I have to respect that he did a lot of things the right way. | ||
| He went to Duke Rufus' camp in Minneapolis. | ||
| Milwaukee, rather. | ||
| Excuse me. | ||
| Did he go to Albuquerque? | ||
| There's a lot of stuff in Albuquerque. | ||
| Yeah, there's a lot. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, no. | |
| He went to Milwaukee because that's where Duke is. | ||
| What he did was he went to one of the best gyms in the world. | ||
| Rufus Sport. | ||
| Dick... | ||
| His brother is Rick Rufus, who was like a world champion kickboxer that used to be on PKA karate. | ||
| And then there's Duke Rufus. | ||
| Duke Rufus is a world champion Muay Thai fighter, and he's produced like a ton of world-class fighters like Anthony Pettis, Sergio Pettis. | ||
| Tyron Woodley does his striking down there. | ||
| He's the new UFC welterweight champion. | ||
| So Duke Rufus is just like a really high-level camp. | ||
| And that's where CM Punk chose to move his camp. | ||
| And he lived there for like two years. | ||
| And all he's been doing is training. | ||
| He signed with the UFC, and he just said, I'm going to do this the right way. | ||
| And he went through a full, like, a long period of training, learning skills, and working under the tutelage of, like, one of the best guys in the world. | ||
| Who the fuck knows what's going to happen? | ||
| We really don't know. | ||
| I mean, I have no idea what this guy can do. | ||
| I've seen him hit some pads. | ||
| I've seen some slow-motion, weird, blurry videos of him sparring. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I mean, they might be trying to shield it for promotional purposes. | ||
| I mean, he might have gotten really good. | ||
| He might be like... | ||
| I mean, if the guy's willing to do that, that's an extraordinary amount of discipline that it takes to move to a place, change your life, live there for two years, just nothing but train. | ||
| I mean, who the fuck knows? | ||
| But that's the big statement is who the fuck knows. | ||
| So if you go to watch him fight, it's like you're tuning in for essentially like a spectacle. | ||
| And it might be great. | ||
| We have to see. | ||
| He doesn't even know. | ||
| We don't know. | ||
| He's never fought. | ||
| We don't know. | ||
| No one knows. | ||
| No one knows what the fuck's going to happen. | ||
| I haven't fought with the people there either. | ||
| That's a different thing too. | ||
| Dude, there's a big difference. | ||
| There's a big difference between training and reality. | ||
| And, you know, and maybe he excels. | ||
| There's people who excel at reality, where they look lackluster in training, and then they rise to the occasion of the event. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then there's other people that are exact opposite. | ||
| Where they practice well and then... | ||
| Yeah, the anxiety of performance is real, right? | ||
| Yeah, I mean, it was a point during the D.S. McGregor fight where the crowd started chanting. | ||
| They were in a clinch or something, and the crowd was like, D.S., D.S., D.S. And I was just like, what is he thinking right now? | ||
| Like, what does that feel like? | ||
| This dude is in the clinch. | ||
| It's a huge fight. | ||
| The headliners. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Blood streaming down his face. | ||
| Let me get my pants off. | ||
| What does he feel like? | ||
| With the crowd chanting, what is that gladiator shit like? | ||
| Does it help? | ||
| Is it distracting? | ||
| Does it hype you up? | ||
| I'm going to whoop his ass. | ||
| They chanting. | ||
| It's a real good question. | ||
| It's something I'll never know. | ||
| Hopefully. | ||
| And you'll find out on my podcast next week that I'm starting. | ||
| I'll be interviewing Nate Diaz and... | ||
| Man, it's a good question. | ||
| He's the only one that can answer it. | ||
| Or him or anyone else has experienced that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Because you're talking about, you know, at this new T-Mobile. | ||
| How many people is it seat? | ||
| I think the T-Mobile is like 22,000 or something. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Is that many? | ||
| It's a big-ass place. | ||
| It's way bigger than the MGM. I don't know about how much. | ||
| At least a few thousand. | ||
| What is it, Jamie? | ||
| Does it say? | ||
| Yeah, people are chanting your name, but it's not like basketball, because you've been punching the face a lot, so you're in a little bit of pain. | ||
| You might be hurting. | ||
| You're kind of tired, you know? | ||
| It's not just you just drop to three or something and you're just jogging. | ||
| You're in the clint, so it's cool, but I'm still kind of uncomfortable right now. | ||
| Maybe it fires you up. | ||
| How many? | ||
| 20? | ||
| It says $20,000 for boxing and MMA. Oh, wow. | ||
| That's so many. | ||
| That's a lot of fucking people. | ||
| So that's approximately $5,000 more than the MGM. Isn't the MGM about $15,000? | ||
| Somewhere around there, I think. | ||
| Is that why they moved them there? | ||
| Because there's more people, or is this a different deal? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I just think they could sell this out, too. | ||
| $16,800. | ||
| 16. Oh, Jesus. | ||
| The MGM is that big? | ||
| Yeah, it's a little bigger. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Oh. | ||
| So is it Mandalay Bay that's 15? | ||
| Is that what it is? | ||
| Or is that 14? | ||
| What am I asking? | ||
| What am I, a fucking census taker? | ||
| Stop answering my questions. | ||
| You're a goddamn booking agent. | ||
| What does it hold? | ||
| 12,000. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| Mandalay Bay is only 12,000. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| So I guess the reason why they moved is just the UFC could sell out those places now, especially for this fight. | ||
|
unidentified
|
This fight was goddamn bananas. | |
| That was amazing. | ||
| You could have stuck a lightbulb in your mouth and it would have started glowing, right? | ||
| There was electricity in the air. | ||
| It was going through our fingertips. | ||
| It was crazy, man. | ||
| It was a good time. | ||
| That's why I decided to keep working for the UFC, is moments like that. | ||
| The Nate Diaz-Conor McGregor fight, the first one, was in the Misha Tate-Holly Holm fight. | ||
| Misha choked Holly Holm unconscious in the fifth round. | ||
| It was fucking chaos. | ||
| I remember thinking, how could I stop doing this? | ||
| I can't believe I even got this job in the first place. | ||
| I get to watch this crazy shit and talk about it from... | ||
| So when they bought it... | ||
| I wasn't sure. | ||
| I just was thinking I was doing too many things. | ||
| And then I decided, well, instead of just being crazy, I want to just do less. | ||
| I'm just going to do less. | ||
| And in doing less, it just made a big difference. | ||
| Vape pen use after you have to... | ||
| Aw, man. | ||
| He just got punched in the face a bunch. | ||
| Let him fucking use a vape. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Come on, folks. | |
| Relax. | ||
| Let him use a vape. | ||
| You should let him use it immediately after. | ||
| Just let's be scientific about this. | ||
| We all want everybody to be on the same page. | ||
| We don't want people cheating. | ||
| You know if this guy, you watched him fight five fucking rounds. | ||
| There's no more contests coming up. | ||
| Let him do something that's medically proven to reduce inflammation. | ||
| It's not even marijuana. | ||
| It's CBD oil. | ||
| Also, those punches are probably way worse for him than CBD oil. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| CBD oil is good for you. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| Especially when you have inflammation. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| It should be Nate Diaz got punched in the face before he used CBD oil. | ||
| That's a really good point, man. | ||
| That is a really good point, because for someone to be that hypocritical, that you let a guy get punched in the head for 25 fucking minutes, but you won't let him smoke a vape pen, because what, you think he's cheating? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's cheating death. | ||
| That's what he's doing. | ||
| Same thing with football. | ||
| He's going to stay alive. | ||
| Same thing with football. | ||
| He was smoking marijuana. | ||
| Football is way worse for you than weed is worse for you. | ||
| And probably football is worse for you than cocaine. | ||
| High impact football. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Football is probably worse for you than most stuff. | ||
| Drinking out of ponds. | ||
| Football's fucking dangerous. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's super dangerous, man. | ||
| But they just try to maintain a good image about it. | ||
| Just don't smoke weed. | ||
| Don't smoke weed. | ||
| It's hilarious. | ||
| But you might get hella concussions, but don't smoke weed because that don't look good because we got to sell this butt light and shit. | ||
| I love the word hella, but I'm too old to use it. | ||
| I just turned 49. That's the cutoff. | ||
| Just do it, man. | ||
| You can say hella. | ||
| You can say hella! | ||
| You were just encouraging me to tell that girl, to ask her what her dreams were? | ||
| Hannibal's a good friend. | ||
| You know, you pump him up, he pumps you up. | ||
| Yeah! | ||
| You tell me, ask the girl what her dreams... | ||
| I really wanted to ask her so bad, man. | ||
| She had that vibe, man. | ||
| And I see a lot of bad ones. | ||
| Her vibe was crazy. | ||
| And it might not... | ||
| You know, I wish I took the shot. | ||
| I would have helped her with whatever her dreams, if I could. | ||
| What do you want to do? | ||
| I know somebody like that. | ||
| And you can find somebody. | ||
| If you don't know somebody, you can find somebody. | ||
| It wouldn't be hard to find somebody. | ||
| You know what I did? | ||
| I did think about... | ||
| I saw what her name was on the receipt on Google. | ||
| Her name and the restaurant name and see if she got a LinkedIn page. | ||
| Damn, you went deep. | ||
| LinkedIn? | ||
| How many waitresses have a LinkedIn page? | ||
| That's like super rare. | ||
| But she, hey, she seems like a waitress with way bigger ambitions. | ||
| She seems like she should be in LA or New York, actually, more than Vegas. | ||
| Yeah, it's going to be hard because you're going to have to take a gamble at whether or not she's still working there, whether or not you know what day her shifts are on. | ||
| Saturday, Sunday. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| I was there two nights. | ||
| I was there two afternoons. | ||
| This podcast is getting really stalkerish. | ||
| But we ain't saying no place. | ||
| We ain't saying no... | ||
| Not Starkowitz, but I did enjoy her energy. | ||
| I'm just kidding, man. | ||
| I would help her. | ||
| I say go back. | ||
| I would help her in a platonic way. | ||
| Go back in a zen way. | ||
| In a zen way? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Like, completely empty. | ||
| The energy. | ||
| Go back and experience, like, sitting in her section. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| And, you know, just saying hi. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Seeing what's up. | ||
| But don't be, like, crazy about it. | ||
| I won't be crazy about it. | ||
| Just say, hey, uh... | ||
| I need to have a... | ||
| I've been to Vegas a bunch recently with no shows in Vegas. | ||
| Have you been? | ||
| I've been to the past two UFC things and then sometimes just another trip just to kick it. | ||
| It's a fun place. | ||
| It's a strange place. | ||
| I was just in this area outside of Reno. | ||
| We were about five hours outside of Reno. | ||
| We were camping and doing this hunting show. | ||
| And it's all in the mountains and the desert above Nevada. | ||
| It's somewhere in the area of where they do that whole Burning Man thing. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Dude, it was amazing. | ||
| Who all was it? | ||
| It's me and a bunch of, there's camera people in the sky, Steve Rinella, who hosts the show The Meteor. | ||
| We struck out, but we were out there in these mountains above Nevada. | ||
| Dude, there's a whole other world out there. | ||
| It doesn't even look real. | ||
| It doesn't look real. | ||
| You go to this place, there's no people. | ||
| There's these giant fucking mountains. | ||
| We were at 9,000 feet. | ||
| There's other ones that go up to 11,000 feet. | ||
| And you're looking at these things like, what the fuck? | ||
| This is Nevada? | ||
| This is Nevada? | ||
| That's a picture from my Instagram. | ||
| That's Nevada, dude. | ||
| That's the Nevada desert. | ||
| That's what's called the high desert. | ||
| Like I said, about five hours outside of Reno. | ||
| It was amazing. | ||
| Oh, this is where you were? | ||
| This is the hunting trip? | ||
| No. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, I was there for a week. | |
| That looks crazy. | ||
| I think I appreciate how that looks and I appreciate how that feels, but I think I'm such a city dude. | ||
| When I get to that, this is beautiful. | ||
| This is cool. | ||
| Let's have a couple drinks and check this out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Alright. | |
| Five hours we good. | ||
| Let's go back to the lights. | ||
| I understand. | ||
| I understand your position. | ||
| I appreciate that beauty. | ||
| I like the views. | ||
| However. | ||
| But I get antsy. | ||
| But you zen out. | ||
| I could get antsy too. | ||
| I think what I'm trying to do, one of the things I'm trying to do by going to these places and disconnecting for a few days, is find out what I really think about things. | ||
| Where it's just me and my thoughts and interacting with my friends. | ||
| There's one of the good things about doing this show, it's called Meteor. | ||
| This guy, Steve Rinella, who's the host of it, is like a really smart, really nice guy, really interesting guy. | ||
| And, you know, I like hanging out with him and all of his crew and his friends for like all these days. | ||
| It's really fun. | ||
| So in doing that and having it being really fun, you get to relax. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you get to just like sit back and hang out with these like fun, cool guys and just relax. | ||
| And this is your world now. | ||
| This is your tribe. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know, and he told me that before. | ||
| That's sort of how he views it. | ||
| That it's his tribe and like a cool group of friends. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I understand it now. | ||
| I think that disconnecting for a while, every now and then, just take a few days off. | ||
| You don't even have to go anywhere. | ||
| But it's probably a good idea to, on purpose, take a few days off of anything coming in. | ||
| And just let's see how you feel about things. | ||
| Even if I'm out and about... | ||
| At bars or something and my phone dies and I'm not charging it, I find myself having... | ||
| I realize I'm a really strange person when I talk to people, when you have to really talk to people for a while and it's not... | ||
| Because now, pretty much, a lot of times if you're talking to somebody is... | ||
| You talk about it, and then it's like... | ||
| Yes, exactly! | ||
| Let me check my phone! | ||
| And so it's a break from the connection where you... | ||
| But if you really... | ||
| I mean, on a date or something, I don't go into my shit. | ||
| Dude, that's a really important point. | ||
| But... | ||
| Yeah, if my shit's dead and I'm just out for two hours, if I'm having long conversations and then I start realizing, oh shit, I'm getting kind of weird and intense with this person. | ||
| I start asking, because I, you know, normally... | ||
| I will, if I'm talking to somebody, I'll do the bullshit, regular questions that we do. | ||
| Where did you go to college? | ||
| You live here? | ||
| Where did you move from? | ||
| How long you been doing that? | ||
| And then, I mean, at some point, if you want to, you got to get beyond that conversationally, hopefully. | ||
| We're talking roofies, right? | ||
| We're on the same page? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Yeah, I roofie a girl than me. | ||
| What are your fears? | ||
| Just roofie with imagination. | ||
| What are your fears? | ||
| Have you ever been hypnotized? | ||
| No. | ||
| It can be done. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I believe in it. | ||
| I believe it too. | ||
| I believe in it. | ||
| Respect to all the hypnotists out there on the road. | ||
| Killing it. | ||
| Having people on stage doing goofy ass shit. | ||
| Have you ever seen a comedy hypnotist? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Have you ever seen it live? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's crazy, right? | ||
| Like you don't believe it's real. | ||
| There's a couple used to come to my college, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, you don't believe it's real, and then you realize, oh, it is real. | ||
| It really does work. | ||
| It works. | ||
| Nobody would just do that goofy-ass shit. | ||
| No, it works. | ||
| Just to do it? | ||
| It works in some weird way. | ||
| I don't understand it. | ||
| But I got hypnotized. | ||
| This guy, Vinny Shorman, he's like a mental coach. | ||
| He hypnotized me. | ||
| To do what? | ||
| Very interesting. | ||
| What was your goal? | ||
| Just wanted to see if there was anything that was holding back the way I was thinking. | ||
| Am I thinking in the most efficient and logical way? | ||
| Am I doing the most with my time? | ||
| Do I have any hiccups that I'm not paying attention to in the way I'm approaching life? | ||
| So I wanted to talk to him about that. | ||
| So I wanted to see what hypnotism really is, because I've been talking about something that I essentially don't have any real understanding of. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I just say, oh, I saw people get hypnotized at a Frank Santos comedy show, and I saw that. | ||
| How did you find him? | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| I found this dude. | ||
| He does hypnotism and mental coaching for MMA fighters. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| So it was interesting, man. | ||
| It was weird. | ||
| It was like... | ||
| When you get hypnotized... | ||
| How long is this session? | ||
| It's about an hour and a half, I think. | ||
| About an hour and a half. | ||
| When you get hypnotized, you are aware that this person is talking to you. | ||
| It's not like you're in some space world. | ||
| But the world that you're living in with your eyes closed in this state is a very different world. | ||
| It's like if this person can command your attention, your focus for a certain amount of time, it lets all this other stuff sort of pass by. | ||
| And when the person does it with no judgment, just trying to understand the way you're feeling and thinking, you allow yourself to slip in to this strange state of mind. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And that's what it is. | ||
| It's really weird. | ||
| Like, it'll wake up immediately. | ||
| Like, if you heard, like, an alarm going off, like, meh, meh, you jump up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You break out of it. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| It's not like you're drugged. | ||
| I think there's a bunch of different states of consciousness leading from the dream world, which we all voluntarily go into every night when we go to sleep. | ||
| We go to sleep, we conk out, and we have dreams. | ||
| We remember them all the time. | ||
| You have some wacky fucking idea that came into your head that didn't make any sense. | ||
| And I think there's states of consciousness from being totally awake, fearing for your life because you're in the middle of an earthquake, to being like drifting in and out of dreams. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Where you're not sure you're there, or you're not there, and you're like, was that real? | ||
| What the fuck happened? | ||
| You know, you're sitting in your car, maybe at a road stop, you got a six-hour drive, you're like, let me just pull over for an hour, and you're drifting in and out, you're not sure if you're asleep. | ||
| Sometimes I'll close my eyes and just start seeing weird-ass colors and shapes and shit. | ||
| Not even high, but I'll just close my eyes and then... | ||
| Like now, it's nothing. | ||
| But certain times, it'll just be weird shapes and just different. | ||
| It just looks pretty cool. | ||
| Well, your brain can make all kinds of funky chemicals, man. | ||
| And they don't necessarily exactly know why. | ||
| It's not like there's a bunch of different things that you can do to make your brain produce certain chemicals. | ||
| In a row, as far as maybe you can skip rope for 20 minutes and do 50 deep breathing exercises and you'll get into a psychedelic state. | ||
| No one's exactly sure what the fuck it is that allows people to get to certain states and whether or not the way your brain works is the same as my brain. | ||
| Definitely. | ||
| It doesn't make any sense. | ||
| Why would it be? | ||
| We all know. | ||
| I hear people sing. | ||
| I can't fucking sing at all. | ||
| I hear people sing, and I hear a beautiful voice. | ||
| We were walking by some people the other night in Vegas when we were on our way to go eat after the fights, and there was this guy and this girl, they were singing. | ||
| They must have been a part of some team or something like that. | ||
| They must have been some entertainers, because they were way too good. | ||
| And they were singing, and they were singing with each other, and they were singing with each other in harmony in this hallway, and everybody was like, holy shit! | ||
| Because they just had a sound. | ||
| They made this thing. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| That appealed to everybody. | ||
| That's not my wheelhouse. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But my brain is super sensitive to when sounds are off and different. | ||
| Sometimes if you go to a karaoke spot, somebody doing karaoke, and if they pick the rock songs and the pop songs will sort of be the exact beats. | ||
| The hip hop songs, the beats will have this, it's a different version of it, or it just, and it drives me crazy. | ||
| It's certain things with music, like little shifts, In music that drive me crazy. | ||
| I hate when songs are... | ||
| I don't like when there's acoustic versions of gangster rap songs that drives me crazy sonically. | ||
| It's certain just musical things that just piss me. | ||
| It's just... | ||
| It's just like... | ||
| That type of thing where I'm like, I have to leave here. | ||
| Yesterday, my Uber driver from the airport, he was playing his own mixtape. | ||
| He didn't say he was playing his own mixtape, but I could feel that he was playing his own mixtape because he played the same music for 40 minutes. | ||
| The rapper's name began with K. His name began with K on the Uber, and it was bad. | ||
| It was really bad. | ||
| The beats was alright, but he was bad. | ||
| He had no charisma on the mic. | ||
| And it was just... | ||
| And so now I'm sitting here, and I just decided, I'm going to take this. | ||
| I'm going to just take it. | ||
| I'm going to just take how angry this is making me, because I don't want to give him the conversation, because he wants me to say, who's this? | ||
| That's me. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Man, you're really talented. | ||
| How long have you been rapping? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Let's pretend. | |
| Let's pretend. | ||
| Me and him. | ||
| How long have you been rapping, man? | ||
| I've just been doing it, you know, just a few years, man, trying to get it going. | ||
| So do you play this in the car all the time and just listen to yourself all the time? | ||
| Yeah, all the time, man. | ||
| Just, you know, especially my favorite is when it's 40-minute rides with somebody that just got through traveling for a while. | ||
| Yeah, dude. | ||
| How loud are you playing this shit? | ||
| I play it, man. | ||
| I play it pretty loud. | ||
| You know what the loudest is? | ||
| No, it's your car, man. | ||
| It's just a little bit less loud than that. | ||
| That's how I play it. | ||
| I feel you, dude. | ||
| It's your car. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| Fuck them, right? | ||
| You know, it was one song. | ||
| The hook was... | ||
| Oh, don't do it. | ||
| He's going to know you're talking about him. | ||
| Whatever. | ||
| Is it All Black BMW? All Black BMW was the hook? | ||
| All Black BMW. That was the word in the hook. | ||
| It's not the melody necessarily because I didn't use any melody. | ||
| But we were in the All Black BMW. Oh, interesting. | ||
| No Uber bars in there. | ||
| Maybe if he changes cars. | ||
| No lyrics. | ||
| No lyrics about... | ||
| But it was just... | ||
| I was just sitting there like, what? | ||
| Also, I get that it's L.A., And I get that people are looking for opportunity and trying to make it. | ||
| How about you play me what you think your best one or two songs is? | ||
| Oh, wait a minute. | ||
| You're gonna say one or two? | ||
| One or two! | ||
| You're gonna be involved in a serious conversation. | ||
| This is a song that I made right after my grandmoms died. | ||
| It's like, you know, I was hanging out and I was like, fuck this life. | ||
| So I wrote this song. | ||
| Not me asking. | ||
| I don't want the backstop, but I feel like that should be... | ||
| Two songs. | ||
| If that was me, that would be my perspective on a 40-minute ride. | ||
| Let me ask you this. | ||
| What if a guy plays you these two songs and they're awesome? | ||
| And you're like, holy shit. | ||
| This is really good. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Then what do I do? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I maybe say... | ||
| In the car? | ||
| Am I tweeted out? | ||
| Like, this dude motherfucking Uber driver has some dope-ass music. | ||
| A-plus again. | ||
| And try to push that. | ||
| If it's amazing and I genuinely feel it. | ||
| And if it's something I want to hear again. | ||
| Because that's the hallmark of a great song for me. | ||
| I gotta keep listening to this over and over. | ||
| Frank Ocean just dropped... | ||
| He dropped his new album finally. | ||
| There's a song, Solo, on there. | ||
| And it's just a simple organ playing. | ||
| He's singing and sort of sing-rapping. | ||
| And it's a bunch of good songs when I have them, but I'll listen to a song 15 times in a row. | ||
| Isn't that interesting? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's not a lot of things like that. | ||
| Movies definitely aren't like that. | ||
| Comedy definitely isn't like that. | ||
| But there's something about songs where... | ||
| Some stuff with comedy, though. | ||
| Some stuff with comedy, with me, certain timing moves that people do. | ||
| Certain bits, I will rewind a moment. | ||
| My ex-girlfriend, she tolerated it, but she probably hated it. | ||
| It'll be certain things, like a quick, a weird thing in a show, and I would just bring that shit back. | ||
| I would rewind that shit ten times. | ||
| Well, that's what Dice Clay's career was kind of built on, is that people wanted to hear the same things over and over again. | ||
| What's in the bow, bitch? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh! | |
| The whole audience would be screaming it. | ||
| It was like one of the first times where it was affirmed, right? | ||
| But this type of shit I'll rewind is not... | ||
| I'll rewind a facial expression. | ||
| Like a cut to, and somebody make a weird... | ||
| And if it's right, if it's well directed, I remember that type of shit. | ||
| Just a weird line. | ||
| It was stuff off of Maria Bamford's show, Lady Dynamite. | ||
| Moments off of that. | ||
| It was this moment where they broke the fourth wall with Patton Oswalt talking to her about doing stand-up on the show. | ||
| He was playing a character, then he broke. | ||
| And then that moment was so crazy. | ||
| Shit like that where I was just... | ||
| It's certain lines. | ||
| Bojack Horseman has a bunch of shit where I'll just... | ||
| I'll watch the same moment 15, 20 times just because I just think that little part. | ||
| It's funny. | ||
| And the same with rap songs. | ||
| There's certain rap songs where there'll be this 20-second, 30-second piece where the dude is just rapping his ass off. | ||
| And I'll just... | ||
| I'll listen to that for... | ||
| Ten minutes straight, just like that part. | ||
| I still like the whole song, but it's a part of it. | ||
| The drop on Father Stretch My Hands by Kanye West. | ||
| The build-up to that, he sampled this gospel song with the same title, Father Stretch My Hands, and then it's the sample by Future, where you're like, well, if young Metro don't trust you, and it drops in. | ||
| That's what I walk in. | ||
| It's a crazy... | ||
| And I'll just listen to that. | ||
| If I'm driving around, I'll just listen to that first part five times. | ||
| It's just certain. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Is that like a sign of small autism? | ||
| No, it's a normal thing. | ||
| Hunter Thompson used to do that when he used to write. | ||
| He used to listen to the same song, like Candle in the Wind. | ||
| He used to listen to Elton John, Candle in the Wind. | ||
| There's a video of him doing that. | ||
| He's sitting in front of the typewriter, and he's just writing, and the same song's playing over and over again on a loop. | ||
| I've tried it before, too. | ||
| I flew from New York to LA, writing the entire way, listening to Crazy Train by Ozzy Osbourne. | ||
| Came up with a lot of good shit? | ||
| Well, I was like in a groove, you know? | ||
| I don't remember what I came up with, but I remember feeling like, because this song, I knew what the lyrics were, it almost became like a sort of hypnosis. | ||
| Yeah, when you get in that zone? | ||
| Five hours of the same lyrics, over and over and over and over again. | ||
| The whole five hours, right? | ||
| The whole five hours. | ||
| I just listened to Crazy Train and I typed. | ||
| Had some coffee, took a leak, which I gotta do right now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bad! | |
| This is my second podcast in a row. | ||
| I want to keep going with you, but I got to piss so bad. | ||
| That's understandable. | ||
| Ask some questions to Hannibal. | ||
| I'll be right back. | ||
| I'm just gonna freestyle rap. | ||
| Hey, you know what it is? | ||
| No, I'm just kidding. | ||
| Nobody wants that. | ||
| Am I here live now by myself? | ||
| I can do anything I want! | ||
| Holy shit! | ||
| You see how my voice changed when he leave? | ||
| When he leave, it becomes the real me. | ||
| We're here live on the Joe Rogan Experience. | ||
| You know what it is. | ||
| We got Bottle Water. | ||
| We got Jameson. | ||
| We got a goddamn clock. | ||
| We got an old Tupac figurine. | ||
| We got a Biggie figurine and that lady. | ||
| And we... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm going on tour, everybody. | ||
| On the Hannibal, Montanable experience. | ||
| I'm coming towards your city. | ||
| Unless your city is Oklahoma City. | ||
| It's not on there. | ||
| But I'll come there. | ||
| I was there. | ||
| I've been there before. | ||
| This has been good. | ||
| How long have we been talking? | ||
| We've been talking a long ass time. | ||
| Two hours deep. | ||
| Two hours deep. | ||
| So, check me out on tour today. | ||
| Hannibal, Montanibal experience. | ||
| Come through. | ||
| Because if you don't come through, it's going to be embarrassing for me and my family. | ||
| Also, I bought a building and the mortgage is crazy. | ||
| I'm kidding. | ||
| I bought it cash. | ||
| Don't worry about me. | ||
| So, yeah, check me out on tour. | ||
| I hope you're having a good time. | ||
| This is weird, man. | ||
| Because it feels live. | ||
| I feel... | ||
| So connected but disconnected right now. | ||
| Because these cameras are live. | ||
| Joe's back. | ||
| Joe, I think I... Oh, it got weird, man. | ||
| Jamie gets weird. | ||
| He'll get weird. | ||
| He didn't get weird. | ||
| Jamie was very... | ||
| Did you get weird? | ||
| I got weird. | ||
| My voice changed. | ||
| He's so bad. | ||
| Two podcasts is just no bueno. | ||
| My voice changed. | ||
| I just got live. | ||
| I don't believe you. | ||
| No, it totally changed. | ||
| Did you go top 40 DJ? No, that time I was like, what's up, y'all? | ||
| It's Hannibal. | ||
| You know what it is? | ||
| It was weird, man. | ||
| My whole personality changed just because you left. | ||
| I was like, oh, shit. | ||
| Part of me takes that as a compliment that you're so comfortable. | ||
| You can be yourself when you're here. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It was more, I don't even know. | ||
| I understand. | ||
| Yeah, I just got hyped up. | ||
| I didn't say anything of substance either. | ||
| Welcome to 300 of my 800 podcasts. | ||
| 800 is a lot. | ||
| What is this one? | ||
| This is 836. I could have given some good advice. | ||
| I could have just, you know, talked about my mistakes. | ||
| Instead, I just plugged tour dates. | ||
| That's a good move. | ||
| That's the right move. | ||
| Plug tour dates. | ||
| People need to see you anyway. | ||
| And it's Hannibal Montanable. | ||
| The Hannibal Montanable Experience. | ||
| And if they just Google Hannibal Montanable? | ||
| Go on my Twitter, go on Facebook. | ||
| It's a lot of cities. | ||
| Do you use this new Instagram thing where you can take a video of your day? | ||
| All the stories? | ||
| I gotta get a young person around me all the time. | ||
| I can do it, but I don't want to do that. | ||
| I get the value of doing that. | ||
| I understand. | ||
| But I don't want to. | ||
| It's the same. | ||
| For the same reason, different thing, that I didn't get Pokemon Go. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Good move. | ||
| Because it sounds fun. | ||
| And a friend of mine, she had it on her phone, and I messed up. | ||
| I was like, this is fun, but I don't want to. | ||
| Be on my phone that much. | ||
| So I just gotta have some internet savvy 25 year old around me all the time. | ||
| Mr. Burr. | ||
| How big should your tits be? | ||
| Oh shit! | ||
| I just said internet savvy 25 year old. | ||
| What if she was so hot? | ||
| And you're like, we can work this out. | ||
| So hot. | ||
| Little ridiculous cartoon tiny waist. | ||
| And ass like a fucking box of chocolates. | ||
| And them heart-shaped Valentine's Day box of chocolates. | ||
| What kind of an ass is that? | ||
| Jesus Christ! | ||
| Not fair. | ||
| You're describing someone. | ||
| Unfair. | ||
| And she's cool. | ||
| She's like Hannibal. | ||
| I don't give a fuck, baby. | ||
| I don't give a fuck. | ||
| I'm not here for a long time. | ||
| I'm here for a good time. | ||
| And you're like, let's do this. | ||
| What are you talking about? | ||
| You're talking about my employee. | ||
| Long time, good time. | ||
| No, you gotta keep it. | ||
| Plutonic. | ||
| Plutonic. | ||
| You gotta keep it all... | ||
| Work-oriented. | ||
| Some work-oriented. | ||
| It's tense, though, sometimes. | ||
| Professional. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, it's weird. | ||
| See, the idea of people working alongside each other, day in, day out, men and women all grouped together in these boxes is entirely unnatural. | ||
| When people would be around each other in the wild, they would do it because they liked each other. | ||
| You're obsessed with the wild. | ||
| I am. | ||
| Completely. | ||
| Back in this day that I never lived in. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| My obsession is in the genetic propensity that we have inherited from these people. | ||
| And I think that in the wild, men and women never grouped up together if they didn't like each other. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But in work, they do. | ||
| And it creates this weird tension where men are trying to prove themselves and women are trying to prove themselves. | ||
| There was no Groupon back then. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Exactly. | |
| It's all about group. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's Groupon now, man. | ||
| And you didn't get lucky back then. | ||
| Like back then, you just decided you're gonna hang out with certain people, and the other ones you killed. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Yeah, back then, yeah, it was no waiting it out. | ||
| No, it was no waiting it out. | ||
| You know how many times I just waited it out late night and just hung out at the bar and then something got popping? | ||
| It was none of that. | ||
| It was just either she liked you because you were just strong and you brought food and killed it, or she didn't like you at all. | ||
| You developed the first catapult to figure out how to launch a fucking rock towards the enemy. | ||
| Or you were a small dude that she didn't pay attention to, and then out of nowhere, out of an act of jealousy and stepping up, you killed the big dude. | ||
| And then she was like... | ||
| He is small, but I guess he's the alpha now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Climbed on top of his neck and took out a conch shell. | |
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| Now you just find something you're good at. | ||
| Over the cliffs, the people in the fucking boats, they lit their torches up. | ||
| You find something you're good at, and you work hard, and you get women from there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
There's trickshot pool players that get hella pussy. | |
| Damn, that should be another meme. | ||
| There's trickshot pool players that get hella pussy. | ||
| There's a world for everybody, man. | ||
| Oh, there is, for sure. | ||
| Well, there was always, like, pool player groupies that would, uh, girls who were really good at pool, that would date dudes that were really good at pool. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| Yeah, hook up with dudes that were really good at pool. | ||
| It's like anything else. | ||
| They think it would translate? | ||
| No, it's not even that, man. | ||
| If he could put the ball in that hole, then he could put his balls in, wait, I don't want his balls in here. | ||
| Shit, ball talk by Hannibal. | ||
| That's what my podcast is going to be called. | ||
| Ball Talk by Hannah Ball. | ||
| I like it. | ||
| I am starting a podcast soon. | ||
| Are you? | ||
| For real? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Can I be on it? | ||
| Of course. | ||
| It's going to be a road podcast and we'll see if it continues. | ||
| Let's do a gig together. | ||
| Let's do a gig together. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck! | |
| I need the help on this tour. | ||
| Let's do a gig together. | ||
| Tell me when, man. | ||
| Let's find one. | ||
| I'll hop in. | ||
| Let's start with Kalamazoo, Michigan. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Holy shit. | |
| Listen, man, I would be very happy to do a gig with you. | ||
| That would be fun, man. | ||
| We have a lot of good times. | ||
| You know, man, it's a... | ||
| One of the crazy things about the Comedy Store is that we all get to hang out together where we never would really work together that much in real life. | ||
| Like, if you go on the road, you take a dude with you to open. | ||
| Everywhere we go, we take people with us to open or we have a local guy that we know we have come on. | ||
| We never get to be all together. | ||
| You can go to the Comedy Store any night. | ||
| It'd be like you and Diaz and Burr and Ari. | ||
| There's no place like that, man. | ||
| It's fun, man. | ||
| I love watching Rose Battle at Comedy Store. | ||
| It's the greatest thing ever. | ||
| I love, it's just the energy in that room. | ||
| Little ass belly room, hunting some people. | ||
| It's packed in there. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They gotta keep it in that fucking room too. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Fight it off. | ||
| Just fight it off. | ||
| No matter what they say about that main room. | ||
| Don't go in there. | ||
| That's not the place. | ||
| It's not the place for it. | ||
| I mean, I went to the TV tape in Montreal. | ||
| Oh, you got some feelings about it. | ||
| How'd you feel about it? | ||
| How'd you feel about it? | ||
| I felt good about it. | ||
| You liked it? | ||
| I mean, I'm also... | ||
| Biased in a different... | ||
| Because I've seen it... | ||
| I think my first time there was maybe two years ago. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Close to that in the belly room. | ||
| So... | ||
| And I've seen, even within the belly room, different things they've done to the show in that. | ||
| Just different things with the DJ, with the wave, with the racist over there, and tweaks that they've made in their... | ||
| To make the show work. | ||
| And so to see something that you've been to a bunch of times in this small space and then see it, you know, be in the same spot watching it live, it's cool to see something like that. | ||
| To see that type of progression, it felt amazing, man. | ||
| I changed my mind. | ||
| I like it better now. | ||
| I think they should do Madison Square fucking Garden! | ||
| But yeah, the space always has to be right in this... | ||
| It's different. | ||
| That was like a motivational speech for expanding your theater size. | ||
| It was really strong. | ||
| It was cool to see that. | ||
| I don't think I've had to... | ||
| I've seen that with comedians or friends of mine, that type of progression from open mic to middle act to feature act to somebody being on shows and being famous. | ||
| But I never saw that with... | ||
| I can't think if I saw that with a show concert. | ||
| Maybe I have... | ||
| But just something I attended regularly to see it go from a live show and go there a bunch and enjoy it as a live show and then have it be live on Comedy Central. | ||
| That was something cool. | ||
| I enjoyed watching that and I was really happy for them. | ||
| Yeah, no, I completely agree, all jokes aside. | ||
| I mean, I think what they've managed to do by getting that show on the air is pretty monumental because this is a goddamn brutal show, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Do they have a webpage? | ||
| Pull up the Comedy Central website. | ||
| Do they have a webpage for that show? | ||
| Are they going to do a bunch of them? | ||
| I think they're going to do it again. | ||
| It's cc.com slash roast battle. | ||
| Can we see it? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Can I see what the page looks like? | ||
| Who's the champion? | ||
| Mike Lawrence. | ||
| You know Mike? | ||
| Yeah, I've known him from the store. | ||
| I've seen him around. | ||
| He's great. | ||
| He's super funny. | ||
| Great writer. | ||
| I think they have all four episodes up for free. | ||
| You don't even have to have... | ||
| Scroll down a little bit? | ||
| Go in and have the... | ||
| They had a bracket. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Now, how many different hosts are they going to have? | ||
| What are they going to do for... | ||
| The host is always is Jeff Ross and Brian Moses. | ||
| Who is awesome, by the way. | ||
| Brian Moses. | ||
| I'm so happy for that dude. | ||
| He's such a good dude. | ||
| So they're not gonna fuck with it. | ||
| So it's gonna basically be in the same state that it's always been in. | ||
| Except for the racists. | ||
| They can't have the racists. | ||
| See, here's my only feeling. | ||
| This is my only feeling. | ||
| I don't have a problem with them doing it. | ||
| I don't have a problem with anything. | ||
| But I wouldn't suggest them filming those shows. | ||
| I would suggest them doing those shows and filming the fucking Belly Room shows. | ||
| There's a world in that room that when someone's killing, like when Earl Skagel came out for that roast battle thing and just destroyed. | ||
| Remember that night he came out with a fur coat on? | ||
| Did you see that on Comedy Central? | ||
| Dude, they filmed it. | ||
| And it was magic. | ||
| Because there's 90 people in there. | ||
| And they're smushed like sardines. | ||
| It's packed. | ||
| It's a vibe in there. | ||
| Everything has to be in line when you're killing. | ||
| There's a frequency you have to hit. | ||
| And Earl was just on that frequency. | ||
| And when you see someone do something like that in a small room, you realize that's the value of the small room. | ||
| When a small room... | ||
| Here's that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| This is a video of those guys. | ||
| But when you're in a small room like that and you just let it all hang out, there's a weird fucking energy to that. | ||
| There's a weird connection to that. | ||
| It's different than anything else. | ||
| And it's way different than a big place. | ||
| Like a big place is nice, it's beautiful to be there, it's cool to be a part of like, 10,000 people came to see Rose Battle, yay! | ||
| But the best show is that 90 seat belly room or 80 seat, whatever the fuck it is, fire codes. | ||
| One of the best jokes I ever heard there. | ||
| I wish I could remember this comedian's name. | ||
| You ever hear a joke that's new that sounds like it's from the 50s or 60s? | ||
| Just in structure and brevity? | ||
| Right. | ||
| This guy, he says to this girl, he says, She's in an on and off relationship with her boyfriend. | ||
| It's on when he sees her body, off when he sees her face. | ||
| Oh shit. | ||
| Did you? | ||
| It sounded like you heard it before, but you didn't. | ||
| I haven't heard it before. | ||
| No, I never heard it before. | ||
| But it sounds like some old shit your uncle would say, but we never... | ||
| That was a fucking... | ||
| I mean, I've heard many great jokes there, but that one just stuck in my ear. | ||
| They just found the 8th ever Tyrannosaurus Rex skull in Montana. | ||
| That's right up there with that. | ||
| It's like people find shit sometimes. | ||
| They're like, why has no one found this skull? | ||
| They just didn't. | ||
| Okay? | ||
| No one saw that combination of words. | ||
| It's perfect. | ||
| Meanwhile, there's some dude right now in the Midwest screaming. | ||
| That's my bit, bitch. | ||
| That's my bit. | ||
| That's my fucking bit. | ||
| Going crazy. | ||
| Somebody might have come up with that and we don't even know. | ||
| We just never heard it. | ||
| It might be an open-miker. | ||
| They might have come up with it three solid weeks ago. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They might have put it on YouTube. | ||
| We might be fucked. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| These days, man. | ||
| I saw a bunch of Ryan Lochte jokes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| What's that dude's name? | ||
| They're like the same joke over and over and over again. | ||
| On Twitter? | ||
| About him getting robbed. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And him lying? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Like, now would be a good time to rob him. | ||
| Like, I saw that, like, for, like... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, shit. | |
| Everybody would think that. | ||
| Did anybody do jokes about getting his sponsorships, endorsement deals? | ||
| That seemed like an easy joke. | ||
| They all get dropped? | ||
| They all get dropped? | ||
| They dropped a bunch of them today. | ||
| And so part of me was like... | ||
| He went for a body hair removal one. | ||
| Wait a minute. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hmm. | |
| Okay. | ||
| So they're looking for people. | ||
| So shout out to Speedo. | ||
| Speedo, first of all, Speedo, hey, everybody that wants to wear your shit isn't in great shape. | ||
| So how about you look at me, Hannibal Buress. | ||
| That's a good point. | ||
| Successful Samsung representative. | ||
| Also got some other stuff coming up. | ||
| That's right, a lot of things in the works. | ||
| Charming Pitchman. | ||
| Irons in the fire. | ||
| I have a horrible lifestyle, horrible health, but great skin. | ||
| I look great on camera, good smile. | ||
| Speedos. | ||
| People like me. | ||
| I look people in the eyes when I talk to them, I shake their hands, and I always look in the eyes when I do shots. | ||
| Two words, neon, orange. | ||
| Speedos. | ||
| Speedos. | ||
| Who else did Ryan Lochte lose? | ||
| Anybody else did Ryan Lochte lose? | ||
| Also, first of all... | ||
| I've been to Brazil, never had a problem. | ||
| First of all... | ||
| He shouldn't have lied about that. | ||
| It seemed like something he didn't need to lie about. | ||
| Duh. | ||
| Also, fuck swimmers being celebrated like that. | ||
| I like it that they're celebrated. | ||
| No. | ||
| Because I wish walkers would be celebrated. | ||
| I wish we could figure out what is walking and who can walk the fastest. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Who's the fastest walker? | ||
| Let's celebrate it all. | ||
| Stay alive. | ||
| Swimming. | ||
| We could have a Holder Breather Olympics where people hold their breath the longest. | ||
| Let's do that too. | ||
| I like it. | ||
| Swimming, it's too many strokes. | ||
| Let's throw rocks. | ||
| It's too many strokes. | ||
| The furthest rock throw. | ||
| The strokes, I respect this, whatever this is, the regular. | ||
| I respect this. | ||
| What is the regular? | ||
| I don't even know what it's called. | ||
| The regular, but when you get into this, the freestyle, when you get into this, I can't fuck with this. | ||
| Okay, for the people that are just listening, regular is you're throwing your arms over the head like you see in the pool. | ||
| But when you're doing your shoulders with the goofy shit and swimming like that, the fly stroke, the breast stroke, get out of here with your fucking breast stroke. | ||
| Nobody cares. | ||
| Michael Phelps got 22 gold medals. | ||
| Yeah, but a bunch of them were for swimming like a goofy asshole that nobody swims like. | ||
| Get out of here. | ||
| He's not the greatest Olympian. | ||
| He swims in water. | ||
| Damn, that's a good point. | ||
| Fuck that. | ||
| Here's what's a good point. | ||
| Someone shit themselves? | ||
| How many times you gotta swim away from danger? | ||
| One of the walkers. | ||
| One of the walkers shit themselves? | ||
| How often do you have to swim away from danger? | ||
| You might save a couple lives. | ||
| Usain Bolt, he gonna save some lives. | ||
| He can run fast. | ||
| Oh, I ran in there. | ||
| I got out. | ||
| Or somebody's attacking him. | ||
| I'm out of here. | ||
| Usain Bolt. | ||
| But you're usually not around water like that to get away from danger. | ||
| Swimming. | ||
| Here's the point. | ||
| There's too many strokes. | ||
| Why limit the way you move? | ||
| Like, if you're gonna swim, like, why do you have to swim in a very specific way? | ||
| If this breaststroke thing was so fucking good, wouldn't it be the fastest way to do this? | ||
| Yeah! | ||
| Let's pretend. | ||
| Let's pretend this is the only shitty way we know how to swim. | ||
| Let's just fucking throw our arms in front of ourselves like we're parting the curtains, like those beads at the porno section of the video store before there were DVRs and DVDs and YOU PORN! Those days! | ||
| If they're gonna have the fucking breaststroke, if they're gonna have this stroke, if they're gonna have this, then why not just have a fucking Olympic competition where you just run, but you high-kneeing the whole time? | ||
| That's a very good point. | ||
| High-kneeing. | ||
| Let's have backwards running. | ||
| If you got the backstroke, why is there no backwards running in the Olympics? | ||
| From now on, we should call that move the porn section. | ||
| That is you parting the beads that are hanging. | ||
| I bet when they fucking, when video games went under, or excuse me, videos, video rentals went under, I bet the bead industry dropped substantially. | ||
| I bet a big part of their profits was beading off the porn sections. | ||
| I'm dating myself here. | ||
| But you guys don't even understand. | ||
| You guys are both youngins. | ||
| When I was a boy, when I was a boy, You could rent videos, and you could rent porn videos. | ||
| I gotta go to the bathroom. | ||
| Can you yell drunkenly for me for one minute? | ||
| Drunkenly? | ||
| Oh, got it. | ||
| When I was a kid, Hannibal Buress can't handle his bladder, I guess. | ||
| I hung in there, folks. | ||
| I did my best. | ||
| But Louis Theroux, doing that podcast with him for three hours, and then I had some water like an asshole in between. | ||
| Couldn't hang in there, folks. | ||
| I'm so sorry. | ||
| What were we just talking about, Jamie? | ||
| Were you paying attention? | ||
| What? | ||
| What? | ||
| Oh, goddammit, Jamie. | ||
| Olympics? | ||
| Swimming? | ||
| Well, limiting your movements. | ||
| This is ridiculous. | ||
| Like, the idea that someone's gonna say, okay, you can swim, but you can't swim at your best. | ||
| Swim in some goofy way that's not efficient. | ||
| Go ahead, try that. | ||
| Because if somebody could just do breaststroke only versus a freestyle swimmer, they would never win, right? | ||
| No way, right? | ||
| Why most Olympic events are events that we're looking at anyway, I'm confused at. | ||
| Well, I'm a super big fan of curling, so I'm going to tell you to fuck off right now. | ||
| You ever watch that? | ||
| Hannibal, you ever see curling? | ||
| Ten years ago and everyone else got excited about it. | ||
| Winter Olympic sport? | ||
| I was in, I think it was Newfoundland? | ||
| Newfoundland? | ||
| Newfoundland? | ||
| For a gig? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Great time. | ||
| Nice people. | ||
| When? | ||
| Long time ago. | ||
| Yeah, no. | ||
| Yeah, you don't play Newfoundland again. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'll go back. | |
| I would go back. | ||
| Nah, you don't play Newfoundland recently. | ||
| I would totally do it. | ||
| I would totally do it. | ||
| Oh, why haven't you done it then? | ||
| I like to do weird shit. | ||
| It's there. | ||
| It's been there. | ||
| There's only a certain amount of days. | ||
| You haven't asked your agent to go to Newfoundland. | ||
| The years are filled up very quickly with metropolis areas. | ||
| Well, haven't you been an ambassador for UFC Newfoundland? | ||
| Point being, I tried erroneously to make fun of curling while I was in Newfoundland. | ||
| They boo you off the stage? | ||
| The hallways of the place we were at had all these photos of people curling. | ||
| So the dude with the broom and the dude with the fucking hockey, the giant steroided out hockey puck, they're sliding across the ground. | ||
| It's so goofy. | ||
| So you try to run it, meaning that... | ||
| I tried joking around about it. | ||
| They were not with it? | ||
| Oh, come on. | ||
| They loved it. | ||
| They loved their curling. | ||
| Sort of? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't understand it, but I guess I don't have to. | ||
| You don't have to. | ||
| They like it. | ||
| They like it. | ||
| Also, it's Newfoundland. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And... | |
| We should go to Newfoundland. | ||
| After a while, you watch it for like an hour or so, you kind of get compelled. | ||
| Like, who the fuck's gonna win this thing? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Stupid. | ||
| Let's book a gig in Newfoundland. | ||
| So is baseball. | ||
| Let's do it. | ||
| Let's do Newfoundland. | ||
| Okay, I'm in. | ||
| But you know you're black, right? | ||
| Listen, man. | ||
| Just kidding. | ||
| It's Canada. | ||
| Are they the nicest people on the earth or is it like Swedish people? | ||
| Have you ever been to Sweden? | ||
| They're not the nicest people on earth. | ||
| I think it's like the same way sometimes it's southern hospitality and then sometimes it's southern passive aggressiveness and they just talk horribly behind your back. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And that's like, well, I was talking about this with somebody recently. | ||
| Try to imagine the fact that 1865, when slavery was abolished, was less than 200 years ago. | ||
| Try to imagine what 200 years is, because it's only two lifetimes. | ||
| Two people being alive from birth to death. | ||
| That's 200 years. | ||
| Two very healthy people. | ||
| Yeah, very healthy, very lucky people. | ||
| So they're stuck in this swamp. | ||
| Probably not slaves. | ||
| Right, exactly. | ||
| Slaves aren't living to be hundreds of conditions, aren't that? | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| You don't have access to the... | ||
| To anything. | ||
| To none of the gluten-free or the... | ||
| You don't have the... | ||
| GMO. The slaves aren't getting the fresh, fresh juice, so let's cut it to maybe 60, 70 years for slaves. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| If you're super lucky. | ||
| And that is only a short amount of time ago. | ||
| And no one understands that today. | ||
| We can intellectualize it. | ||
| We can think about it. | ||
| We can put it into our heads and try to figure it out. | ||
| But no one can figure that out today. | ||
| And there's a lot of those areas of the country that are just poisoned by those old stupid ideas. | ||
| They're just stuck in there, man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| In areas of the world. | ||
| There's a lot of weird areas of the world that is poisoned by old, stupid ideas. | ||
| I, uh... | ||
| I think we should do Newfoundland. | ||
| Fuck! | ||
| Yes! | ||
| I think we should shake on me and Joe Rogan, Newfoundland gig. | ||
| Let's do another one somewhere else, like Saskatchewan. | ||
| Saskatchewan? | ||
| Wanna do Saskatchewan in January? | ||
| Wanna get crazy? | ||
| I met some Canadian, when I was in Minneapolis, and they were like, I think they might have been from Saskatchewan, and they were like, you need to come, because it was some tourism convention or something. | ||
| You need to come to Saskatchewan. | ||
| Did you do Edmonton? | ||
| I think I'm either doing Edmonton or Calgary on this tour. | ||
| Dude, the River Cree in Edmonton, the casino, that is fantastic. | ||
| That is fun, man. | ||
| That's a fun fucking place. | ||
| I like Edmonton, man. | ||
| They're good fucking people. | ||
| They're just stuck. | ||
| It's some weird spot that's like really cold for like four months of the year. | ||
| But it's all the oil money, right? | ||
| It's the oil money. | ||
| So you got these people who sometimes know they just come out of high school and make six figures. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, they're Canadian, too. | ||
| There's something about Canadians. | ||
| Like, their culture does not support this, like, the world domination idea that the United States sort of has ingrained in us. | ||
| Like, we're the police of the world, for good or for bad, right? | ||
| It's a lot of people think that way. | ||
| Mostly bad. | ||
| Yeah, right. | ||
| But the Canadians don't have this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's just Canada's trying to create a good life for themselves. | |
| Yeah, they're just people. | ||
| And there's a real value in that. | ||
| But there's also like this idea that the only way Canada would exist is if the United States is below it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Protecting it because we're such a fucking gangster country. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Right? | ||
| So that's the idea that I think makes total sense if you're looking at it objectively. | ||
| But goddamn it makes for some nice folks. | ||
| Because Canada, they're like, I think, maybe my all-time favorite people anywhere. | ||
| I think they're the nicest people everywhere. | ||
| I like doing shows. | ||
| I was drawing numbers in Canada at good spots, in 300, 400 seat spots. | ||
| Easily before I was doing it over here. | ||
| That makes sense. | ||
| I remember doing shows in Vancouver in 2011 and Toronto. | ||
| Played the horseshoe in 2011 and then coming through first time just with light credits and then getting there. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| They coming to fuck with me here. | ||
| I couldn't... | ||
| You know when you first start doing the road and you start hitting some spots and you're like, what the fuck? | ||
| I got people here? | ||
| And that's what Canada was when I started getting offers. | ||
| I was thinking, what is... | ||
| It wasn't big money, but it was just to have that. | ||
| It was Vancouver. | ||
| I forget the promoter's name, but I played maybe the Rickshaw or something in Horseshoe Tavern in Toronto five years ago. | ||
| And just being shocked that there was that many people there. | ||
| It was psyched. | ||
| It happened earlier over there, man. | ||
| You know what you got to do in Toronto next time you're there? | ||
| You got to do the weed shop. | ||
| Oh, they have a show there, right? | ||
| They have a front room where they sell bongs and rolling papers and shit. | ||
| And then you go in the back room. | ||
| And the back room doesn't have any air. | ||
| It's all just pot smoke. | ||
| You're breathing in pot smoke. | ||
| There's no air. | ||
| There's no air left. | ||
| The candles, there's candles on the table. | ||
| They're all running on pot smoke and promises. | ||
| There's no fucking air in that room, man. | ||
| It's all just pot smoke. | ||
| And you get high before you go on stage, and then you go on stage, and then it's preposterous. | ||
| Everybody is in a goddamn coma. | ||
| It is the strangest comedy show you've ever done. | ||
| Nobody wants that from me. | ||
| This is what you need. | ||
| Do your regular show first, and then head over to that place around 12.30 a.m. | ||
| You know what I'm into? | ||
| Because I do... | ||
| I like THC capsules. | ||
| Me too. | ||
| Because I get so weird and in my head sometimes where I can't, unless I'm a little drunk or a little on something else, I'm not able to enjoy myself high a lot, especially if I'm in a situation where I'm recognizable. | ||
| If I'm high on weed and people recognize me, I get weirded the fuck out. | ||
| That's understandable. | ||
| It blows my mind. | ||
| I'm like, what am I doing? | ||
| What is life? | ||
| What did I choose? | ||
| What's going on? | ||
| What are these people? | ||
| Why are they talking to me? | ||
| Why did I do this? | ||
| Why did I do this? | ||
| I just get, if I'm high, I just can't. | ||
| Handle it, dude. | ||
| We need to hang out more. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| Definitely. | ||
| But the THC capsules... | ||
| I'm gonna hold your hand, figuratively. | ||
| THC capsules, I took... | ||
| I went to this dispensary. | ||
| Shout out to Native Roots in Denver. | ||
| And I'm smooth on that. | ||
| Also, I think maybe the way I smoke, I shouldn't be out and about. | ||
| My smoking, it should be just chilling, watching some shit, playing some video games. | ||
| But my weed smoking, if I can't create a situation where nobody can talk to me, then that's how I need to be high. | ||
| Or the capsules. | ||
| The capsules, I can talk to. | ||
| A capsule smooths me out. | ||
| And I started taking those. | ||
| This shit is great, and I feel good, and I feel... | ||
| I can do stand-up on them. | ||
| I can't smoke weed and do stand-up, but I can take a capsule and be high and do stand-up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hmm. | |
| Do you know the difference between eating it and smoking it? | ||
| Slightly, but I'm ready for this explanation. | ||
| There's a chemical difference. | ||
| It's like, you smoke it, it's THC. You eat it, the compound of the marijuana is processed by your liver. | ||
| It produces something called 11-hydroxymetabolite. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| It's way more psychoactive. | ||
| It's like four to five times more psychoactive than THC. So you're talking about the capsules? | ||
| No, I'm talking about any time you eat it. | ||
| Eat it? | ||
| I don't like edibles either. | ||
| But if you're taking a capsule, you're eating it. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| It doesn't matter. | ||
| It's like if it goes through your digestive tract and it's processed by your liver. | ||
| It takes a little bit about an hour or so, depending upon the dosage and how strong it is. | ||
| Whether you have a full stomach, I guess, probably has something to do with it. | ||
| But when it's processed by your liver, it produces this weird psychedelic drug. | ||
| It's very different than just regular pop. | ||
| Well, I don't know. | ||
| For some reason, the capsules, I feel way smoother on them than just smoking somebody's joint. | ||
| Do you know how many milligrams are in those capsules? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I think it's 10. Oh, that's good. | |
| That's a really reasonable dose. | ||
| And that's the good news about marijuana, like medical marijuana going nationwide, is that you can take a reasonable dose, like 10 milligrams, and it's therapeutic for your body. | ||
| It feels good. | ||
| You relax. | ||
| Nobody gets hurt. | ||
| Also, you have somebody explaining to you? | ||
| I mean, I wish I bought way more in Denver. | ||
| And also, if you can just mail me, I'll send you money. | ||
| Dude, we'll hook you up. | ||
| Relax. | ||
| Don't say any more. | ||
| You're going to get catfished by a cop. | ||
| Catfish by a cop? | ||
| Yeah, they're gonna... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hey, dude, bro. | |
| I've always wanted to fucking hate you. | ||
| You're gonna be fake cops, bro. | ||
| You're gonna get deep in your posse. | ||
| I'd be like, this dude is a fucking weirdo anyways. | ||
| It's gonna be a girl. | ||
| It's gonna be a girl. | ||
| It's just tiny waist. | ||
| Waist like my wrist. | ||
| Yeah, they don't like to do stuff with people. | ||
| Ass like an explosion. | ||
| They're not giving people. | ||
| They're not thoughtful. | ||
| They just want to fuck. | ||
| They're not thoughtful. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's a good point. | |
| That's a good point. | ||
| It's hard. | ||
| Usually, thoughtful women aren't classically... | ||
| Beautiful. | ||
| Wow, I can't believe you said that. | ||
| No, no, no, no. | ||
| That really hurts. | ||
| Not a one online. | ||
| Thinking about my mom right now. | ||
| Online, as far as somebody's gonna reach out to you, the motto is not gonna reach out to you. | ||
| Hey, what do you need and shit? | ||
| Do you need something? | ||
| A model chick will reach out and say, hey, you want to hang out? | ||
| But nobody's going to reach out. | ||
| A model chick is not reaching out like, hey, I got this for you. | ||
| One thumb in the asshole, two fingers in the pussy, gripping like a fucking bowling ball. | ||
| No, they're not going to do that. | ||
| Yeah, they're not going to say, hey, you need this. | ||
| They want to hang out. | ||
| They're not going to say, hey, you need restaurant recommendations. | ||
| That's a good point. | ||
| You know, they used to all the attention anyway, so they just say, yeah. | ||
| That's a good point. | ||
| Yeah, they just, they want to test the waters. | ||
| And Hannibal Buress ain't playing games, ladies. | ||
| Okay? | ||
| Unless you're ready to go to DEFCON 4. You ready? | ||
| I got high standards. | ||
| Me too. | ||
| What? | ||
| I think I want kids, man. | ||
| Do you? | ||
| At what age? | ||
| When you have your third or fourth hotel? | ||
| I think I want kids in three years. | ||
| In three years? | ||
| Two, three years. | ||
| That's a good move. | ||
| I saw this pregnant woman on the L train in New York. | ||
| But she was one of those where she didn't... | ||
| She just looked like... | ||
| Her stomach was bigger. | ||
| Nothing else. | ||
| Perfect makeup. | ||
| Just dressed nice in a nice dress. | ||
| She didn't have a wedding ring on. | ||
| I wanted to... | ||
| I just wanted to ask her if everything was okay. | ||
| If she was with the dude. | ||
| She was so beautiful. | ||
| I kept looking at her. | ||
| I know she felt me looking at her. | ||
| I probably weirded her out. | ||
| She was so beautiful. | ||
| I started picturing myself. | ||
| Arguing with the real father five years from now. | ||
| I started picturing myself on the train. | ||
| I started picturing myself five years from now, yelling at this dude outside the house in Jersey. | ||
| Hey, dude, you had your chance. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, you're just a sperm donor. | |
| You're looking at her beautiful face. | ||
| I'm the real dad. | ||
| You're calculating the potential for future joy, being with that person with perfect bone structure. | ||
| You're willing to take a chance and put your whole life into a quagmire. | ||
| I was just there and just like, oh my god. | ||
| Look it. | ||
| Are you okay? | ||
| Huh? | ||
| Hey baby, are you okay? | ||
| That's what I was saying. | ||
| Are you okay? | ||
| What would you say? | ||
| I'm her. | ||
| Here, go ahead. | ||
| I'm looking down. | ||
| I'm just shaking my head. | ||
| Every now and then I just go like this with my hands. | ||
| You on the train? | ||
| Yeah, I'm on the train. | ||
| I look good though, dude. | ||
| I know I look good. | ||
| See, this is the thing. | ||
| I wouldn't just... | ||
| I wouldn't even... | ||
| Go ahead, say something to me. | ||
| On the train, if I don't have anything organic... | ||
| Like, I wish something crazy happened. | ||
| Yo, dude, I'm not asking for real life. | ||
| This isn't law and order. | ||
| I know. | ||
| This is like, come on. | ||
| Alright, okay. | ||
| I'm the girl. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ready, girl. | |
| Sorry, I just accidentally put my face in your pussy. | ||
| Oh, whose baby is that in there? | ||
| Is he in the baby's life? | ||
| Do you picture a long life in him? | ||
| Hi, I'm financially stable. | ||
| Not quite emotionally, but I'm getting there. | ||
| And on that note, ladies and gentlemen, this podcast is a wrap. | ||
| Hannibal, Montanibal tour. | ||
| Go to HannibalBurris on Twitter, HannibalBurris.com. | ||
| HannibalBirds.com. | ||
| Yeah, check me out on tour. | ||
| Hannibal Montana Bowl Experience. | ||
| Come through. | ||
| Check me out. | ||
| I'll be on the road. | ||
| And we're going to do a gig together in Newfoundland. | ||
| We're going to make this shit happen. | ||
| We're going to make this shit happen. | ||
| All right, folks. | ||
| Thank you so much. | ||
| Thank you so much. | ||
| That was a lot of fun, man. |
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