Aug. 11, 2016 - The Joe Rogan Experience
03:24:10
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
| Let's fucking talk like people, man. | ||
| Let's do this. | ||
| We're live, you motherfuckers. | ||
| We're live. | ||
| Happy birthday, Joe. | ||
| Thank you very much, Brian. | ||
| Happy birthday whenever your last birthday was. | ||
| Last week. | ||
| I missed it. | ||
| Good. | ||
| You're in the sneak tip on it. | ||
|
unidentified
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I missed it. | |
| Yeah, I don't like it anymore. | ||
| Once you hit 30, it's not cool anymore. | ||
| But when you hit 42, it's just like, I'm like looking at every time somebody dies, I'm like, how old are they? | ||
| 48. Oh my God. | ||
| Well, he is fatter than me, so I'm good. | ||
| Yeah, I was looking at someone's post on Instagram, like a friend of a friend. | ||
| I went Instagram hopping. | ||
| You know how you go from one person's page. | ||
| You see someone comment something funny. | ||
| Oh, what's that guy got to say? | ||
| And you go to his page, and it was a guy talking about his wife's brother who died. | ||
| He had been suffering. | ||
| He battled his demons, was the quote. | ||
|
unidentified
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He was 46. I was like, oh, Jesus Christ. | |
| 46? | ||
| Like, people are just fucking dying. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And it's the ones that get me the worst. | ||
| It's the ones I like. | ||
| He just died in his sleep. | ||
| Oh, yeah, man. | ||
| Patton Oswalt's wife. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Did it ever come out? | ||
| What happened to her? | ||
| I do not know. | ||
| I do not know. | ||
| It's so sad. | ||
| But, you know, we all will go, allegedly. | ||
| Burt Kreischer doesn't believe it. | ||
| Burt Kreischer goes, I don't think we die. | ||
| I go, what do you mean? | ||
| Prove it. | ||
| Prove we die. | ||
| You want me to kill you? | ||
| What do you want me to do? | ||
| How do I prove you'd die? | ||
| I know people, they're not around anymore. | ||
| They died, so am I supposed to just pretend they're not in this space, but they're in another space, and in that space I'm there too? | ||
| And they went through a portal? | ||
| We had him on Kill Tony a couple days ago, and he was on this weird pill. | ||
| He's like, I took this weird pill, and he's like, it fucks with my blood pressure, though. | ||
| If I laugh too hard, I'll just faint and pass out. | ||
| It's happened three times already, so I might pass out. | ||
| I'm like, wait, you should not be fainting if you're laughing. | ||
| Yeah, your brain is just shutting off. | ||
| Your brain's like, too much! | ||
| We're done! | ||
| Thunk. | ||
| You know, they say that's what happened to Hillary Clinton, that she blacked out, she fainted and hit her head in 2012. There's all these concerns that people have. | ||
| I don't know if they're founded in any fact, but apparently the real incident did happen that she fell down. | ||
| She blacked out and fell down and hit her head and had a clot, which can be pretty serious. | ||
| But there's, you know, of course because of that there's people that are making all these crazy videos speculating that She has brain damage and she's out of her mind that she's like super unhealthy Yeah, like there's see they've taken these compilations of her, you know Look, she's doing hundreds and hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of fucking interviews like this where people are talking to her and you know, it's It probably becomes mind-numbing after all. | ||
| It looks like she's having fun to me. | ||
| She's laughing, she's bobbing her head up and down, and they're saying that she's acting bizarre. | ||
| I think she's a person who's dealing with massive, massive amounts of stress. | ||
| I mean, I'm not necessarily a big fan of what she represents, other than I think it's kind of cool that there's going to be a first chick that's a president. | ||
| I think it was good to have a first black president. | ||
| As much as... | ||
| People didn't think that that was, you know, like important. | ||
| It was important socially. | ||
| It's important. | ||
| It's important. | ||
| Like having a chick president would be interesting. | ||
| It'd be interesting. | ||
| I'd like to see where it goes. | ||
| The problem with her is she represents like the oldest form of government. | ||
| She's like, do you remember that movie? | ||
| What was the fucking movie where there were the elder vampires? | ||
| You know what I'm talking about? | ||
| Like there was the, oh, Blade. | ||
| The movie Blade, right? | ||
| Where there were the ones that were turned into vampires and then there was the old ones who were born vampires. | ||
| They were natural born vampires, right? | ||
| And they didn't like Blade because he was like half human and he was, you know, he was made. | ||
| He was a daywalker? | ||
| Well, he was a daywalker because he was half human. | ||
| He could hang around at daytime. | ||
| I still maintain that first fucking movie. | ||
| That first Blade movie is one of my all-time favorite comic book movies. | ||
| Have you rewatched it lately? | ||
| No, I'm not going to do it either! | ||
| It breaks. | ||
| Everything's breaking. | ||
| No, I'm not going to watch it. | ||
| It's one of my all-time favorite comic book movies. | ||
| I fucking love that movie. | ||
| But that was the thing. | ||
| So Hillary Clinton's like, she's one of those born vampires. | ||
| She murders a lot of people is what you're saying. | ||
| I'm not saying she murders a lot of people. | ||
| I'm saying people that get into conflict with her wind up dead as fuck. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Jamie, what number are we on now? | ||
| It's 49, right? | ||
| Yeah, I think up to somewhere. | ||
| The internet says it's up to 49. Now, is this just a coincidence? | ||
| Or is this evidence? | ||
| Like, are we looking at evidence? | ||
| Or is this just, well, look at what these people are doing. | ||
| And the last guy seems to be like a robbery attempt or something like that, because it was four o'clock in the morning. | ||
| He got shot walking down the street in Washington. | ||
| Like, Washington's a notoriously dangerous place. | ||
| I mean, Marion Barrier got elected after he got arrested and went to jail for crack. | ||
| Then he got elected again. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Isn't that true? | ||
| That's true, right? | ||
| And it's a beehive for crazy people because anyone that likes government... | ||
| Look at the guy that climbed Trump Tower. | ||
| He's a crazy person. | ||
| If you saw his interview... | ||
| What are you talking about? | ||
| When was this? | ||
| Yesterday. | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| You didn't hear about this? | ||
|
unidentified
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No. | |
| Oh, my God. | ||
| This was like the biggest thing for like three hours. | ||
| This guy was suction cups. | ||
| Climbing the Trump Tower. | ||
| Like, police busting windows out of Trump's windows, like trying to grab him, couldn't get him. | ||
| He kept on climbing. | ||
| He released, the guy released a video like 12 hours before, and if you listen to the video, it sounds like a YouTube commenter. | ||
| Like, it's just like, I want to give a message. | ||
|
unidentified
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Excuse my manner of appearance. | |
| I just don't know how many people will watch this, and I'd rather not be recognizable. | ||
| I'm an independent researcher. | ||
| Okay, we're good. | ||
| I've had my Phil... | ||
| But it was pretty intense because he got up pretty high. | ||
| And for a while, I didn't think the police were going to be able to do anything. | ||
| But watching them work in their tactics to catch a guy that has suction cups, very interesting. | ||
| This is when they pull him in and he... | ||
| Like, memes start happening. | ||
|
unidentified
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Oh my god. | |
| Like, right here. | ||
| Meme! | ||
| But he's still connected to the rope. | ||
| Yeah, I know. | ||
| So they're just probably beating the fuck out of him here. | ||
| And his dick's getting chopped off. | ||
| And now they're trying to undo him. | ||
| They're just gonna cut it. | ||
| No, they ended up pulling it off somehow. | ||
| But they destroyed that building. | ||
| They broke a lot of windows, cut a lot of, like, crates or air conditioning things. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| What a crazy fucker. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Now, what happens to a guy like that? | ||
| How long do they go to jail for it? | ||
| Wow. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I think that's a wow. | ||
| They just announced the charges today. | ||
| I was going to look at that a second. | ||
| I think mental... | ||
| He's going to be in a mental hospital more so than a... | ||
| Jail it seems like but these kind of people are the people that hang out in like Washington DC and stuff that's why DC or Washington so So dangerous, you know, it's it's because they're attracted to this crazy thing that's already happening Well, if you have a hive of government and everybody knows it's got a centralized location. | ||
| That's the hive Washington DC is the hive of our government and the penthouse is Or the Pentagon penthouse The Pentagon is not that far from there, right? | ||
| How far is that? | ||
| It's in Virginia, right? | ||
| How far by air is the Pentagon from the White House? | ||
| They're fairly close to each other, right? | ||
| Probably like a 12-hour drive, something like that, I guess. | ||
| Is it? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| That whole area, though, I would imagine. | ||
| And there's also that giant community of lobbyists that lives in Virginia, just outside of Washington, D.C., that Brian Callen was telling me is some of the richest people per capita in the country. | ||
|
unidentified
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Right. | |
| And where's DC? It's like right next to Arlington Cemetery. | ||
| It's just across the river from it, I'm pretty sure. | ||
| Oh, it's pretty close. | ||
| Wow, I was way off. | ||
| I had no idea it was that close. | ||
| It's a 12-minute walk, not a 12-hour drive. | ||
| It's a 12-minute walk from the Pentagon? | ||
| I mean, it's just literally really across the river. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| I thought it was more like a half hour away. | ||
| Huh. | ||
| Maybe in bad traffic, but... | ||
| Yeah, maybe that's what it is. | ||
| I thought it was like, uh... | ||
|
unidentified
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Over the river and through the woods to grandmother's house we go. | |
| It's close as fuck. | ||
| So the point being that that's a hub. | ||
| So that one last guy that got shot, man, anybody could get shot in Washington, D.C. walking around the street at 4 o'clock in the morning. | ||
| You can get shot. | ||
| It can happen. | ||
| You can zig when you could have zagged. | ||
| You could rock into the wrong dude at the wrong time and it can happen. | ||
| It's just part of living in a high crime area. | ||
| So who knows if that one was? | ||
| But there's a gang of them that are connected to the Clintons that just wound up getting whacked. | ||
| Did you see all the crime that's been going on in the Olympics? | ||
| Like I sent Jamie this video in Brazil and it's just a collection of like the first or second day of they have like these people just watching the streets for crime and it's just tons of these petty theft like People trying to just steal people's stuff. | ||
| And this video, I mean, this came out, I think, the first or second day, but this video is nonstop. | ||
| It's just happening. | ||
| People just coming up and trying to steal people's cell phones. | ||
| And some guys are really smart with it. | ||
| They get on these bikes. | ||
| And you know, when you're looking at your cell phone, you're just kind of holding it barely. | ||
| People are just coming up and taking their phones on bikes and then taking off, and it's crazy. | ||
| This guy's the biggest pussy in the world, by the way, right here. | ||
| Look how small that little kid is, and he knows that guy's following him. | ||
| He's getting close to his girl, and he's just not doing anything. | ||
|
unidentified
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Whoa. | |
| And then this kid ends up stealing something from the guy in front of him. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Right here. | ||
| Boink! | ||
| Hey, man. | ||
| That's just part of the process. | ||
| Some people are super disenfranchised and poor. | ||
| That was something that Byron Bowers had talked about in the podcast. | ||
| The difference between people that are just trying to survive. | ||
| They're just trying to survive, man. | ||
| It's a totally different world. | ||
| That girl didn't fight at all. | ||
| She's just like, just take it. | ||
| She just gave it up. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| So how many people have supposedly been whacked? | ||
| What does the internet believe? | ||
| I think it was 49. But is there anybody that makes a compelling case? | ||
| This says 90. But I don't know if that's like, I mean, it depends on which website you want to look up and find which conspiracy you want to dig down. | ||
| Is this on Snoopy's or Snopes? | ||
| You know, here's what's one of the weirdest things about government, is that it affects all of us, right, in this room, but we couldn't be further away from the type of person that would want to run the government. | ||
| I don't want to run shit. | ||
| You don't want to run shit. | ||
| The type of people that do want to do that, they are so not like most people. | ||
| Most people do not want to run everybody. | ||
| When you get people that are in that higher echelon of government and they have the ability literally to manipulate which way the country thinks with a really persuasive, articulate speech They really have the opportunity to change the way the country feels about itself. | ||
| You know, like Kennedy. | ||
| Some of Kennedy's speeches, you would listen to them and you would want to be a better person. | ||
| You'd hear that guy talk. | ||
| And he said such poetic shit. | ||
| He was so brilliant in the way he was able to communicate. | ||
| And in a lot of ways, like... | ||
| A lot of people thought Obama was going to be like that, too. | ||
| Because it seemed like he kind of was when he was running for office. | ||
| And we seemed like, when this guy gets in, man, he's going to make some of those Kennedy-type speeches. | ||
| And he made some really good speeches, for sure. | ||
| But it always felt like everything was down the middle. | ||
| Like everything was like a 90s sitcom. | ||
| You know? | ||
| It's like there was not much chances being taken. | ||
| It was like you wanted Seinfeld and you got mad about you. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Not that there's anything wrong with Matt about you. | ||
| It's a fine program. | ||
| Went on a long time. | ||
| A lot of people enjoyed it. | ||
| You know, but it wasn't curb your enthusiasm. | ||
| You know, there's... | ||
| When a guy comes out like Obama in his speeches at the Democratic convention before he was elected, you'd be like, holy shit. | ||
| Like, this is going to be the guy. | ||
| He's going to be this super articulate, powerful guy who rights all the wrongs. | ||
| So one of two options. | ||
| Either, one, he was never really like that, and he was just tricking us in this brilliant, like, portrayal of this rebel, of this person who's gonna come in and give you hope and change. | ||
| Or, two, you get in there, and the sobering effect of what you're presented with every day Makes you realize like, oh my god, they're just running around putting out fires all the time. | ||
| There's a fucking, like what you're seeing from those kids in that video in the Olympics where these people are getting purse snatched and shit and tourists are getting purse snatched and pickpocketed. | ||
| That is just what happens when things are all fucked up and unbalanced. | ||
| That's what happens. | ||
| It's just what happens. | ||
| That's just a whole mess. | ||
| Do you think this is the end of the Olympics just based on how much trouble this Olympics has been? | ||
| Looking at all the hotel rooms where the sinks are falling through the counters and how the water, I don't know if you saw the water today, is green because they have an algae problem or something like that. | ||
|
unidentified
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Oof. | |
| And if you look at all the past Olympics and how all the structures, there's a website where it shows all the old Olympics and how they have all these concrete things that are just now overrun by trees and weeds and stuff and how much it costs to make all this and now it's just ruined land. | ||
| Once you put concrete on land, it's pretty much ruined. | ||
| It's really hard for it to ever be farmed on again or things to grow when there's concrete on there. | ||
| Yeah, I guess it makes sense. | ||
| You'd have to take these things apart. | ||
| This is 1984 Olympics. | ||
| It looks trash. | ||
| Oh, they use it for a bike course. | ||
| That's kind of dope. | ||
| That looks fun. | ||
| Where is that? | ||
| That's Sarajevo. | ||
| Sarajevo, Bosnia, Herzegovina. | ||
| How do you say that? | ||
|
unidentified
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Herzegovina. | |
| Scrolled up so we could see that? | ||
| So look at that, man. | ||
| That looks fun as fuck. | ||
| These dudes are on the bobsled run, but it's all graffitied up, and they're riding bikes on it. | ||
| That looks fucking badass, man. | ||
| If you lived there, dude. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That would be the coolest shit ever. | ||
| If you were a kid and you were growing up in that neighborhood, but that's probably got a lot of bullets in that neighborhood, too. | ||
| Yeah, it looks like Rape Alley. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's what they're riding away from rape. | ||
| Get us away! | ||
| But look at this. | ||
| It's beautiful. | ||
| And this land is just ruined. | ||
| It's kind of dope, though. | ||
| It is kind of dope right now, but in 20 years, it's going to look even shittier. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Mosquitoes. | ||
| That's where Zika was born. | ||
| Probably, right? | ||
| We're looking at it right now, and as we're scrolling through these pictures for people who are just listening to the audio, these things are available. | ||
| Where, Jamie? | ||
| Daily May. | ||
| I just typed in old Olympic venues. | ||
| This story will pop up if you Google it. | ||
| Old Olympic venues. | ||
| This one right here is not even eight years old from China. | ||
| Goddamn, this is crazy looking, man. | ||
| Like, look at these buildings. | ||
| They're just completely deteriorating and falling apart. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What is this? | ||
| There's a graveyard? | ||
| There's a graveyard on the site of the 1984 Olympics. | ||
| So they had the site of the Olympics in Sarajevo, and then they turned into a graveyard. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Oh, that looks fun to skateboard. | ||
| Yeah, they have these crazy ski ramps, ski jumps from 84 Olympics. | ||
| Wow, this is really fascinating, man, that we do this. | ||
| You know, but I'll tell you, man, they got me. | ||
| I was watching it the other day. | ||
| Were you? | ||
| Yep, they got me, those fuckers. | ||
| Now, I heard a lot of criticism of it being a fluff piece this year. | ||
| A lot of people saying that, like, hey, I don't want to look at all these stories that we're watching, America's Got Talent. | ||
| I want us just to see sports in the Olympics. | ||
| Yeah, there's something to that for sure. | ||
| You know, they're trying to create stars and make a lot of money and make a lot of Michael Phelps type people out of it. | ||
| It's like a reality show. | ||
| Yeah, the whole thing. | ||
| The more Michael Phelps people come along too, the more that's going to happen. | ||
| The more you get these like super successful guys that can, you know, how many Olympic gold medals that guy won? | ||
| Like 28 or something crazy? | ||
| 22, I think he's up to 22. Dude, insane. | ||
| There's a crazy picture of him in the pool from this past Olympics, and he's swimming, and the guy he's beating is looking at him. | ||
| And there was a meme that said, this is the perfect example of losers focus on winners, winners focus on winning. | ||
| Because he's like, just fucking laser beam straight on the target. | ||
| And the guy's looking at him like, fuck! | ||
| That picture is so classic. | ||
| That is a man saying fuck. | ||
| Back in the day, believe it or not, I was on track. | ||
| I remember one of the best tips was never look back, because every time you look back, that takes like a second off your time. | ||
| And that's the same thing if that's what he's doing. | ||
| He might just be breathing. | ||
| He might be breathing, but it certainly looks like he's looking right at Michael Phelps, so it's good for the narrative. | ||
| It's interesting that Michael Phelps won all those gold medals in swimming. | ||
| And then he became this huge swimming star. | ||
| Because think about how many swimming stars there have been. | ||
| How many are there? | ||
| There's Greg Louganis, who is more of a diving star than a swimming star. | ||
| Name me another famous swimmer. | ||
| I got one. | ||
| Summer Sanders. | ||
| I don't know who the fuck that is. | ||
| She's not famous like Michael Phelps. | ||
| Not even in the neighborhood. | ||
| I've never even heard of her. | ||
| No offense ma'am. | ||
| She's to host Nickelodeon shows after she's on the Olympics. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, she did? | ||
| Okay, that's kind of cool. | ||
| But Michael Phelps is like, here's how I feel about sports. | ||
| If I know your name, god damn, you must be famous. | ||
| Because I barely pay attention. | ||
| So that's how I look. | ||
| I knew about Michael Phelps years and years and years and years ago. | ||
| So if I know about him, he's got to be famous as fuck. | ||
| It's crazy that every now and then a sport will give you one super famous person. | ||
| Like one Lance Armstrong, Tony Hawk. | ||
| And then once we got one of those, that's it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You got Michael Phelps. | ||
| There was all these other guys that were on a relay with him. | ||
| They didn't even mention their fucking name. | ||
| There's another guy over here. | ||
| Nobody cares about that guy. | ||
| They barely paid attention. | ||
| They just focused all on Phelps. | ||
|
unidentified
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Golf. | |
| Name three names in golf. | ||
| Oh, this guy. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| Mark Spitz. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| I don't remember that guy. | ||
| He was at 76 Olympics, I think. | ||
| Is that right? | ||
| It has to be. | ||
| He looks like Burt Reynolds from Deliverance. | ||
| 72. 72? | ||
| Yeah, man, that's right. | ||
| I forgot about that guy. | ||
| Okay, so he was the first of the superstar Michael Phelps type swimmer dudes. | ||
| I think before, I want to say before Phelps came along, and I really don't know, but I think that Spitz was the guy who won the most gold medals up until that moment, and then Phelps just fucking blew him out of the water. | ||
| Where is he now? | ||
| If I had to guess, by the way he looks, in a Burt Reynolds movie from the 1970s. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Look at him. | ||
| I hope that guy still rocks that look. | ||
| I wonder if being in water more than the average person is better or worse for your skin? | ||
| Probably worse because it probably tries you out. | ||
| Chlorine is not good for you. | ||
| True. | ||
| It's not good for you. | ||
| Chlorine kills everything that's in the water, but it also fucks with the flora of your own skin. | ||
| Like, it's not the best stuff in the world for your skin. | ||
| I mean, it's sterile water. | ||
| What about salt water? | ||
| That's probably better for you. | ||
| Yeah, I would say salt water is better for you. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Salt water is interesting, man, because I can't get it in my eyes. | ||
| I know some people can get it in their eyes, they don't have a problem with it. | ||
| I get it in my eyes, it fucking stings. | ||
| I don't know why. | ||
| Like, when I go to the beach, if I get water in my eyes, it fucking stings. | ||
| Does that add to your sodium levels? | ||
| Mark Spitz wasn't even using a swim cap when you're saying your eyes were stinging. | ||
| He doesn't have goggles on either. | ||
| Yeah, but I'm talking about a pool. | ||
| He swam in a pool. | ||
| In the ocean is when my eyes sting. | ||
| But yeah, Mark Spitz was old school as fuck. | ||
| He probably swam in a flannel shirt. | ||
| Look at his body. | ||
| Look at his shorts. | ||
| His shorts are probably made from red dye number nine. | ||
| They didn't do any strength and conditioning back there. | ||
| Stop throwing me just men in their underwear, Jamie. | ||
|
unidentified
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Stop it. | |
| The iconic Speedo endures. | ||
| So go to full body on this gentleman? | ||
| Look at his fucking body, man. | ||
| It's like, I mean, I guess he kind of looks like an athlete, or he looks like your girlfriend's brother that's staying with her over the, you know, you get up in the morning, you meet him for the first time. | ||
| Well, how you doing, man? | ||
| Nice to meet you. | ||
| Oh, hey, man. | ||
| Hey, y'all got soap? | ||
| Like, that's what he looks like. | ||
| He looks like some weird fucking dude who might have worked out a couple of times in his underwear. | ||
| Like, why are you just standing in your underwear like that, dude? | ||
| With gold chains around your neck. | ||
| This is a fucking strange picture. | ||
| It doesn't really look to swimmer body either. | ||
| Like the difference between that body and Michael Phelps body or any swimmer nowadays is like pretty different. | ||
| Like his legs actually seem kind of chubby. | ||
| They're like a... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| They don't really seem muscular. | ||
| They kind of seem sexy. | ||
| Does Michael Phelps do strength and conditioning workouts? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I know he does that crazy cupping shit. | ||
| You been paying attention to that? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Everybody's cupping. | ||
| These days, these wacky kids. | ||
| That falls into the chiropractor bullshit stuff, right? | ||
| Like there's real no science behind it at all, I believe? | ||
| There's anecdotal evidence. | ||
| I don't think there's been scientific studies done on it, unfortunately. | ||
| Here's a breakdown of his training routine. | ||
| Warm up with jackknife crunches, three sets of 20. Push-ups, three sets of 25 to 35. And bodyweight squats, three sets of 25. Begin the pool with 50-meter drills. | ||
| So it's mostly swimming stuff, it seems like, and some bodyweight exercises, crunches and squats, but the majority of his stuff is about laps. | ||
| High intensity swim distances of 200 meters, 150 meters, 100 meters and 50 meters, with 30 seconds of rest in between each interval. | ||
| He's a fucking animal. | ||
| Just think about doing that. | ||
| Sprints with high intensity. | ||
| What is a high intensity to the greatest swimmer the world's ever known? | ||
| Can you even imagine operating those RPMs that he considers high intensity when that fucking guy gets going in a pool? | ||
| Dude. | ||
| Did you see that video of him getting super intense, getting warmed up for his race the other day? | ||
| No, I didn't see it. | ||
| It's kind of funny. | ||
| The dude's dancing around in front of him. | ||
| He's a beast. | ||
| You gotta be, you have to have like an insanely powerful mind to be able to do something that everybody can do, like swim, and do it faster than anybody ever. | ||
| You gotta be a fucking real, just super focused psycho. | ||
| I don't mean psycho in a bad way. | ||
| Well, he looks like a psycho. | ||
| I mean, that death stare he did was pretty fucking crazy. | ||
| So this is him. | ||
| Michael Phelps, what does it say? | ||
| Death stare of intimidation is going viral. | ||
| Oh, this is like some compilation with a talking head person. | ||
| What is that YouTube thing where they edit every five seconds? | ||
| You say something, edit. | ||
| Say something, edit. | ||
| And it's like constant. | ||
| There's no ums. | ||
| There's no normal talking. | ||
| It's like you're on speed. | ||
| ADHD for today's millennials started with natural born killers. | ||
| So one guy is like dancing like he's not even dancing. | ||
| He's like shadow boxing. | ||
| Is that guy a fighter? | ||
| Team South America. | ||
| Why is he staring at Michael Phelps? | ||
| He's just showing off for him. | ||
| He's like shaking in front of him and laughing. | ||
| Michael Phelps does not give a fuck. | ||
| He's probably happy that guy's doing that. | ||
| You know, it's a little test. | ||
| A little test for him to just continue his stare of death. | ||
| Whoa, that's pretty funny, man. | ||
| He's probably listening to some killer Creed music or something in his earphones. | ||
| What does Michael Phelps listen to? | ||
| He might be. | ||
|
unidentified
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He doesn't give a fuck. | |
| That is weird. | ||
| But I think you just gotta be that guy if you want to be that good. | ||
| Who else is as good as him? | ||
| Nobody. | ||
| Ever, right? | ||
| Who else is that intense? | ||
| Nobody. | ||
| Nobody. | ||
| He takes it all to the next level. | ||
| Goddamn crazy people out there winning gold medals. | ||
| Pretty fucking impressive. | ||
| Smokes a lot of weed, I hear. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Speaking of weed, did you hear about the DEA this morning? | ||
| That really pissed me off. | ||
| They decided not to reclassify marijuana, so they're keeping it in the same category as heroin and stuff. | ||
| They decided that it has no medical benefits. | ||
| Why can't we just take him to one of these kids that have, you know, seizures and just go, here, watch. | ||
| See, seizure. | ||
| Now see, no seizure. | ||
| Okay, shut the fuck up. | ||
| You know, common sense. | ||
| No common sense here, right? | ||
| Yeah, I mean, that's definitely evidence. | ||
| But, I mean, there's many, many cases of that. | ||
| That is evidence. | ||
| There's tests being done on these children in the real world, and it's working. | ||
| Whether or not it's scientific, double-blind, placebo-controlled evidence, no. | ||
| But there's plenty of evidence about the medicinal benefits of cannabis. | ||
| There's plenty of it. | ||
| There's all sorts of data that seems to indicate that it has some sort of a role in reducing tumors. | ||
| It definitely helps people with anxiety. | ||
| There's a lot of factors that it does. | ||
| When Neil Brennan was on, he was talking about antidepressants, and he was like, they don't exactly know how they work. | ||
| That's a really good point, but they sell a fucking ton of different kinds of antidepressants They know how cannabis works. | ||
| They know that there's cannabinoid receptors in the human mind meaning the human brain is designed or grew up or developed Alongside cannabis it knows what to do with it. | ||
| So when you take marijuana Your body knows what it is. | ||
| Your body even produces some sort of cannabinoid response when you run. | ||
| That's part of what you're getting in the runner's high. | ||
| They say it's similar. | ||
| Is that correct? | ||
| I think that's correct. | ||
| How is this a true statement that they add in there? | ||
| That they don't know the drug's chemistry is not known or reproducible? | ||
| I feel like that's false. | ||
| It says no current accepted medical use because the drug's chemistry is not reproducible. | ||
| Not known and reproducible means what? | ||
| What does that mean? | ||
| The drug's chemistry is not known and reproducible. | ||
| Meaning they can't create it in a lab. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Or they can't make two of the same, maybe? | ||
| You can't clone the same person over and over again. | ||
| Every time it's a different person. | ||
| Maybe because when you get it as marijuana, there's hundreds of different types of cannabinoids, apparently. | ||
| And you're not just getting THC. You're getting all kinds of other groovy shit in there, too. | ||
| Groovy. | ||
| Yeah, I think there's a ton of different types of cannabinoids. | ||
| Let's go down a little fucking information hole, young Jamie. | ||
| How many things? | ||
| I'm going to guess there's a hundred different types of cannabinoids. | ||
| What do you think? | ||
| I would guess over a thousand. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jesus Christ. | |
| I also think it's 12 hours too, depending on. | ||
| 85. Cannabis contains at least 85 types of cannabinoids, many which have documented medical value. | ||
| That was 2014. They probably found new ones, bitch. | ||
| Okay, now there's only over 480 natural components found in the cannabis sativa plant. | ||
| Okay, there you go. | ||
| So that's different. | ||
| So it's 480 natural components. | ||
| So 113 different cannabinoids says one in Wikipedia, so you know it's real. | ||
| Scroll down one more, the one that says how many different cannabinoids? | ||
| That's right. | ||
| 64. Yeah, so the answers vary depending on study and year. | ||
| This is the most recent one, right? | ||
| This is 2015? | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| 111. I think that says 1964. But if you scroll up, the post is from 2015. Yeah, so I don't think this is old information, right? | ||
| They wouldn't be using 2011's data, would they? | ||
| No. | ||
| It just says that the THC was first discovered in 1964. You know, that's really crazy that, you know, when they're talking about, like, data, that we're talking about, like, oh, they wouldn't be using data from, like, 20 years ago. | ||
| Like, those fucking idiots, they didn't know shit back then. | ||
| We really do kind of think about it that way sometimes. | ||
| Like, somebody sent me something the other day that was from three years ago, and I immediately was like, pfft, this is fucking three years old. | ||
| But it was a fucking really interesting story. | ||
| But unless it was happening that week, you know? | ||
|
unidentified
|
So... | |
| What is that? | ||
| That's weird. | ||
| It's just like an assumption that other people have done more research up until now and have looked at that, maybe. | ||
| I would assume that a lot of times, I think. | ||
| If I saw something that said it was last month, I would think at least five people have seen it since then and snopes it out and wrote another article. | ||
| Yeah, but it's not even that. | ||
| It's an actual news event. | ||
| It's not debatable. | ||
| Just an actual news event from two years ago is bullshit. | ||
| I don't give a fuck about it. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| Like, you look down, like, whenever there's an article that someone will tweet or I find online or I'm reading it on Dig or something like that, if I find an old article, if I'm researching the subject, if I just start Googling it, I find something from 2013, I almost instantly go, it's like three years old, man. | ||
| So old back then. | ||
| They didn't know anything back then. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It's also like two, three phone generations old, too. | ||
| Yeah, that's what you think. | ||
| Yeah, I know. | ||
| You see someone from 2003 with a flip phone, you want to go, you fucking moron. | ||
| Look at you. | ||
| I was watching The Matrix the other day. | ||
| They just had those little slide-out phones. | ||
| They had no concept of what an iPhone was even going to be then, I don't think. | ||
| And they weren't even discussing what that would have been like to have social media. | ||
| They were just texting each other, I think, and making phone calls. | ||
| Yeah, no, that's one of the interesting things about science fiction is that science fiction is a really poor indicator of what the future holds in most situations. | ||
| You know, like no one who did Star Wars or Star Trek, they didn't think they would be able to communicate with each other in real time all around the world through video and send emails and get all the information about anything you wanted to get at any given time wirelessly through the air in a little thing that's so small it slides in your front pocket. | ||
| Nobody ever thought that was coming. | ||
| No. | ||
| They just said how they're doing like the 5G right now and how back in the day, you know, we started off with 3G or whatever, 2G and stuff like that. | ||
| And now I think there's only like, there's a few countries where 75% of the country is still using 2G or 3G. And how they've run out of frequencies to build the 5G. So now they're going to have to start just kicking people off, the 2G and 3G and stuff like that. | ||
| But back then, we had 3G and we were like, oh, this is great. | ||
| We can send text messages and we can send pictures now. | ||
| They weren't even thinking about Netflix HD streaming, you know? | ||
| I was just thinking, what if Ari gets kicked off because his phone can't keep up with the new shit? | ||
| Well, that's definitely happening. | ||
| I was thinking maybe they should make a new phone called the Throwback for people like Ari. | ||
| This phone just only has numbers on it. | ||
| It can't even text. | ||
| Call me, bitch. | ||
| It's a Windows phone. | ||
| It doesn't even get a text message. | ||
| It just gets calls. | ||
| It's like an old Motorola TriStar. | ||
| Not TriStar. | ||
| StarTax. | ||
| I was trying to talk to my dad about this the other day. | ||
| How important is that phone number still to a person? | ||
| Is it... | ||
| Because there's so many different ways to communicate, and you can communicate through voice and video, through Facebook, through FaceTime, audio, and Wi-Fi. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Do you really still need that 10-digit phone number? | ||
| I change my phone number almost every year now, and nowadays it doesn't matter. | ||
| It's a better way to weed out people that shouldn't have your phone number. | ||
| I used to think that, oh, I've had this number since I was 14, and now I don't give a fuck anymore. | ||
| That's what I'm thinking. | ||
| I keep my phone on the sleep mode or whatever, the moon, that doesn't let any phone calls go through and it doesn't interrupt you with alerts or anything. | ||
| But if somebody calls you two times in a row or three times in a row, it goes through. | ||
| But I accidentally leave it on all the time and I'm like, you know, this is so peaceful, not hearing my fucking phone beeping and ringing. | ||
| So I think that's important because I think we forget that We didn't have that, you know, growing up most of our lives. | ||
| And now it's almost like an alarm clock going off every two minutes, you know? | ||
| Yeah, and it doesn't give you a chance to live like a normal life. | ||
| If you're constantly updating yourself with Twitter or with text messages and you're constantly looking at it, that's what your focus is on. | ||
| And it's almost like you're not even living your life. | ||
| You're living your life through this screen. | ||
| Like you're going into another world, like this artificially created world. | ||
| And that's how you're existing in a world where no one's talking. | ||
| If they are talking, they're talking to you, like you click on a video. | ||
| Most of the time what's going on is you're reading stuff. | ||
| You're reading stuff or someone's sending you something, LOL, they're sending you a funny meme, you're like, ah! | ||
| You know, there's those things. | ||
| And that's, like, how people are living. | ||
| Like, people are, like, seeking out funny Instagram posts, you know? | ||
| And, like, I have friends that have, they subscribe to, like, ten different funny Instagram meme posts, and just every 15 seconds they look at their phone going, ah! | ||
| Look at that! | ||
| And you can do that. | ||
| You can be fucking perpetually entertained all day if you choose to do that. | ||
| If you follow the right Instagram memes and you have the right people on Twitter that send you the interesting shit, because there's always something new, there's always some new fucking crazy thing, you're gonna be constantly entertained. | ||
| Going back to the marijuana thing with the DEA, they had that happen. | ||
| They had to read or do that because the governor got so many signed petitions or signed names that forced them to have to reclassify the marijuana. | ||
| I don't know what governor, but... | ||
| Whoever it was, you know, if they acquiesced to the demands of the internet, we definitely didn't do enough then. | ||
| Should be more ramped up than that. | ||
| And they say that they couldn't reclassify it. | ||
| They had to keep it the same because they couldn't find any health benefits from it, right? | ||
| So what happens if the same governor gets all the signatures to reclassify cigarettes or alcohol? | ||
| What would the DEA have to say then for the health benefits of those two? | ||
| Would they have to reclassify it as illegal? | ||
| It's a very good point. | ||
| Let's try and see what happens. | ||
| I'd love to see what happens. | ||
| It's a very good point. | ||
| It's a very good point. | ||
| And here's another really good point. | ||
| They're classifying it in Schedule 1 because that's where it's been. | ||
| And because they claim there's no known medical use or it can't be reproducible... | ||
| Whatever the fuck that means. | ||
| You can grow it, dummy. | ||
| You can get clones and grow it. | ||
| Of course it's reproducible. | ||
| It's just reproducible as a plant. | ||
| So what they're saying is they're trying to classify it as a drug. | ||
| What they're almost admitting themselves, if what we're thinking is true, if what they're saying is that you can't It's not reproducible because it's not a chemical that you can break down into a pill, if that's what they're saying. | ||
| You can't standardize it because it's too wild and it's free and it's growing. | ||
| That's almost a perfect example of the fact that you're not... | ||
| You shouldn't be in a position where you're controlling a plant. | ||
| You shouldn't be in a position where you're regulating nature. | ||
| So you're almost admitting it yourself. | ||
| It's not reproducible? | ||
| Okay, if that's what you're saying, then you're saying it's not a drug. | ||
| Okay, but it has a psychoactive effect. | ||
| Okay, now you have to prove that psychoactive effect is dangerous. | ||
| Go ahead. | ||
| There's nothing! | ||
| That's the real problem. | ||
| The real problem is classified in the category of the most dangerous, harmful drugs. | ||
| There's no evidence that that should be correct. | ||
| There's no evidence. | ||
| So that's where the DEA is failing. | ||
| They're failing way more in that than they are in even not admitting that there's medical evidence. | ||
| Because if you wanted to follow it to the strictest sense of the word, what studies have been done that have absolutely been proven in a new, modern form of the most current science, What studies have been done that show the medical benefits of cannabis? | ||
| Not how many studies are being done, but it's because it's classified as Schedule I. It's a total catch-22. | ||
| It's hard to get studies done because it's a Schedule I, and so you can't prove it shouldn't be a Schedule I because there's not very many studies. | ||
| But there's a ton of studies that have been done by universities. | ||
| There's a ton of studies that have shown positive benefits. | ||
| If you want to go back into history, even back into the Nixon administration, they were running studies that they buried the results because the results showed no harm. | ||
| They showed nothing. | ||
| So when you follow just straight science, there's no evidence whatsoever it should be illegal. | ||
| That's the most important thing. | ||
| It's not evidence of whether it should be legal. | ||
| That's like, you know, the whole thing about you're innocent until proven guilty? | ||
| It should be the same way about marijuana. | ||
| It should be that you can't just make it illegal and say it has to remain illegal because we don't know what it can do. | ||
| Because you do know what it can do. | ||
| You do. | ||
| You definitely know. | ||
| Why do you think millions of people like it? | ||
| Are they all crazy? | ||
| What's going on? | ||
| All these millions and millions of adults that live in America, are they fucking crazy? | ||
| So what are you saying? | ||
| You're saying you're smarter than them? | ||
| Why don't you talk about it with somebody that knows what the fuck they're talking about? | ||
| You'll get buried. | ||
| Talk about it with a person who's like, talk about it with like Todd McCormick. | ||
| Remember Todd McCormick having a debate with one of these DEA guys about whether or not marijuana is beneficial? | ||
| He survived cancer because of it. | ||
| A lot of people have. | ||
| We have friends that have kids that have autism. | ||
| They give their fucking kids this medical cannabis and all of a sudden they can talk, they relax, they stop having seizures. | ||
| It's a massive benefit to a lot of people. | ||
| It relaxes people, makes people feel good. | ||
| And we have a government agency in 2016 that ignores all of that. | ||
| It wants to keep it in a category of some of the most harmful and dangerous drugs. | ||
| These people are like living in an episode of Hawaii Five-0. | ||
| They're living in the past. | ||
| They're like 1950s people. | ||
| And what they think they can do is like keep this bureaucracy and this paperwork and these classifications in movement and they can head off freedom. | ||
| Because what they're trying to do is they're trying to stop freedom. | ||
| And one of the reasons why they're trying to stop freedom is because they benefit from it. | ||
| They benefit from stopping it. | ||
| They have more agents. | ||
| If all of a sudden most drugs are legal, what are those fucking thousands of DEA agents going to do? | ||
| They're protecting their own industry. | ||
| This is a natural thing that any organism does when it's threatened. | ||
| And if you start making drugs legal, and you start opening up that conversation, like... | ||
| Who the fuck is any one adult to tell any other adult what's good or bad for you? | ||
| When a lot of shit we do, whether it's the food we eat, the alcohol we drink, the cigarettes we smoke, the fucking sugar in our diet, all these things are bad for us. | ||
| We all know that. | ||
| But we're free. | ||
| Is the government gonna come in with fucking machine guns and stop you from eating a chocolate cake and smoking a cigarette? | ||
| Fuck that, right? | ||
| I think we all agree on that. | ||
| If they can't do that, they shouldn't be able to stop you from smoking weed. | ||
| This is archaic. | ||
| This is some ancient fucking vampire shit. | ||
| And they're clinging to civilization. | ||
| They are totally irrelevant. | ||
| Totally irrelevant. | ||
| Your decisions should be made 100% on the facts that are available today. | ||
| You can go. | ||
| You could research all the facts about marijuana. | ||
| You find a few that make correlations between some sort of mental illnesses, but most of the time, at least according to experts that I've listened to talk about it, the correlations of schizophrenia to marijuana use are directly in proportion with the numbers of schizophrenia for any given population. | ||
| That there's always going to be around 1% of the population that suffers from some type of schizophrenia or severe mental distraction, illness, you know, a bunch of different categories of these various mental diseases. | ||
| But it's always that number. | ||
| So if they smoked pot, it's just a thousand people, you know, that smoked pot have schizophrenia. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| If there was the same amount of people... | ||
| And they didn't smoke pot, it might be the same amount of schizophrenics. | ||
| They might not even be connected, but when you're talking about 300 million people and you say 30,000 people got schizophrenia from marijuana, are you fucking sure? | ||
| Are you really fucking sure? | ||
| Or is it just 30,000 people have schizophrenia and they also smoke marijuana? | ||
| This is the real problem with the way they present the data because it's just like you coming up to me or to Jamie and you saying that you've got new rules. | ||
| You as a 42-year-old grown-ass man, you have new rules and you don't want us drinking alcohol anymore. | ||
| You're going to come in and you've hired guards to keep us from smoking alcohol or drinking alcohol. | ||
| It's the same thing. | ||
| If it's 50,000 people with some big building with three letters in the front of it, or whether it's one crazy fuck who wants to stop his neighbor from smoking pot, it's the same thing. | ||
| You're trying to stop someone from doing something that's not bad. | ||
| Like, you can't do that. | ||
| You don't have any evidence that it's bad. | ||
| There should be a fuckload of evidence that it's bad. | ||
| And it should be as much or worse than all the shit that you know is bad that you sell open and make money from taxes. | ||
| Alcohol. | ||
| Alcohol. | ||
| Which we both love. | ||
| I love, but here's a great example. | ||
| God damn I talk a lot. | ||
| They just released a study, I think this week, showing that they proved scientifically that weed is better for sex. | ||
| And they not only did it for pleasures, but they also explained how when you have alcohol, you cheat more, you do bad things, you hook up with people you shouldn't do, you don't use condoms, you do a lot of shit. | ||
| A lot of people listening are like, I'm on team booze. | ||
| Let's do this. | ||
| Danger style! | ||
| But it's shit that is life-changing. | ||
| Getting a girl pregnant that you met at a bar that looked hot last night, you wake up and it's a dog. | ||
| A dog? | ||
| Are you talking about a woman? | ||
| A woman-human? | ||
| How dare you? | ||
| Is that slut-shaming? | ||
| An actual dog? | ||
| There was an article on a website that I go to all the time, and I don't want to make fun of the man who wrote it because I love him, but it was about fat shaming in martial arts. | ||
| It was Juliana Pena fat shames Ronda Rousey. | ||
| And Juliana Pena, who's one of the toughest 135-pound fighters in the women's bantamweight division of the UFC, she's badass. | ||
| She's talking some shit. | ||
| She's trying to get people to pay attention to her. | ||
| I mean, this is what Conor McGregor did. | ||
| It's what a lot of these fucking people do. | ||
| It's a smart business move, okay? | ||
| So that we all should be aware of, right? | ||
| I mean, it's not just a person saying this. | ||
| It's a smart business move. | ||
| So she says this quote about Ronda Rousey, and she says something about Ronda Rousey having fat arms. | ||
| And so the title of this whole piece, she wants to beat her ass, okay? | ||
| This is what she wants to do to Ronda Rousey. | ||
| She wants to hold her down. | ||
| She wants to mount her. | ||
| She wants to elbow her face bloody. | ||
| She wants to punch her eyes so that they're swollen and shut. | ||
| Then she wants to get behind her and choke her and say nasty shit to her as she puts her unconscious. | ||
| That's what she wants to do. | ||
| That's what she would like to do, right? | ||
| That's what almost all these fighters would like to do when they're locked in mortal combat. | ||
| They want to beat the other person's ass and they want to choke them out, right? | ||
| The nasty stuff, I put that in myself. | ||
| I mean, you know, point being, I've seen people say some nasty shit to people while they're choking them out, by the way. | ||
| But point being, that seems to be way worse than saying she has fat arms, right? | ||
| What's this girl look like? | ||
| What's her face look like? | ||
| She's beautiful. | ||
| Juliana Pena's beautiful. | ||
|
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|
Is she? | |
| Yeah, she's beautiful. | ||
| She's beautiful. | ||
| But so is Ronda Rousey. | ||
| But she said, you know, she said something about Ronda Rousey having fat arms. | ||
| I forget what the quote was about something about she's over her, like... | ||
| And, you know, one of the things that it said, yeah, it's, no one cares about Ronda Rousey and her fat arms anymore. | ||
| Listen, that's a funny thing to say. | ||
| And you see Juliana Payne, you see how pretty she is? | ||
| Yeah, except for that nose. | ||
| She just got beat up. | ||
| That was a fight. | ||
| It's all swollen up right there. | ||
| Not even beat up. | ||
| She's never been beat up. | ||
| She's badass. | ||
| She's tough. | ||
| And she's trying to make some waves. | ||
| But the article that I read was talking about the fat shaming, that women should never fat shame each other. | ||
| Women fighters shouldn't fat shame. | ||
| Listen, it's called talking shit. | ||
| It's called talking shit. | ||
| You can't stop them from talking shit by putting it into this new category, fat shaming. | ||
| What? | ||
| That is the most mild form of mockery ever. | ||
| A beautiful woman who has big arms. | ||
| She'll fucking throw you on your head with those big arms. | ||
| There's a reason for those fucking things, man. | ||
| They work. | ||
| I did date a girl with big arms. | ||
| It was weird. | ||
| Because she was so beautiful, had a nice body, but for some reason, her arms are about double time. | ||
| And if she wore the wrong shirts, it was very uncomfortable to continue to look at. | ||
| You know how you have those, like, sexual excapades when you're, like, in your early 19, 20 years, you know, like, 20, 21? | ||
| Sometimes you'll, like, meet someone, you never see them again. | ||
| And this is even more interesting because it's, you know... | ||
| There was no cell phones back then, so you couldn't really get in touch with people that well. | ||
| You had to call them at home. | ||
| If the phone didn't pick up, they didn't have an answering machine, couldn't even leave a message. | ||
| It was weird back then, right? | ||
| But I hooked up with this chick that I always thought about for years after, like, whatever happened to that girl? | ||
| She was a tank. | ||
| A fucking tank. | ||
| She was into weightlifting, like seriously into weightlifting, and she had a full-on six-pack. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Like a full six-pack. | ||
| She was like, and she had these big-ass fucking squatter legs. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And she was a freak. | |
| And I always remember, like, god damn, like, whatever happened to that crazy girl? | ||
| She was fun. | ||
| You didn't look her up? | ||
| You didn't find her? | ||
| You didn't Facebook her? | ||
| She was too big for me, man. | ||
| She made me nervous. | ||
| She made me nervous! | ||
| I'm not kidding. | ||
| I mean, she was real nice. | ||
| She lived, like, really far away, too. | ||
| I think she was, like, an hour and a half away from me. | ||
| An hour and a half drive. | ||
| Just, you know, those don't work out when you're 20. It's like, and you're busy with a million other things, but she was a tank. | ||
| Yeah, I've been with a couple girls that were like an MMA, two MMA girls type girls, bodies, and it's not comfortable thinking like, oh, this girl can kill me if I do, you know, like having sex with him was weird. | ||
| It was just like, I feel like I'm fucking a guy. | ||
| We did a fight companion the other day, and Eddie Bravo was drunk off his rocker. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And we were all having fun and talking about whether or not female UFC fighters, like, what untrained male could fuck up a female UFC fighter? | ||
| Like, how big does the woman have to be? | ||
| How big does the man have to be? | ||
| We got to Cyborg versus Ray Lewis. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, Jesus. | |
| It was one of the most ridiculous conversations we've ever had. | ||
| And Eddie got to the point where Eddie was using social justice warrior tactics. | ||
| He said that we all hated women. | ||
| Oh, God. | ||
| Because Eddie was insisting that Claudia Gidea, who was a badass fighter, but she also fights at 115 pounds. | ||
| How big would the man have to be for... | ||
| We were thinking a 190-pound untrained man. | ||
| And then we got to be like, okay, what's untrained? | ||
| What if he has a year of high school wrestling? | ||
| Every year of high school wrestling, that's a guy who understands how to take people down at the very least. | ||
| And if he gets on top of you and he's 190 pounds, you're 115, you might be fucksville, right? | ||
| And so we got into this crazy conversation. | ||
| Then it got to be like, Cyborg will fuck up any untrained dude. | ||
| What about Ray Lewis? | ||
| And then it got to Cyborg versus Ray Lewis. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, that's so great. | |
| So it's on his Twitter page. | ||
| Ray Lewis, 249 pounds. | ||
| It says Chris Cyborg, 139. That is a fucking lie. | ||
| Chris Cyborg, first of all... | ||
| I think they should make a 145 pound weight class just for her because the UFC right now has two 115 and 135 recognized classes in the women's division and they had Cyborg get down to 140 for one fight. | ||
| She fought Leslie Smith at 140. See that's more realistic that she weighs 145, but she really only weighs 145 after a brutal weight cut. | ||
| She's probably closer to 165 in real life. | ||
| But they keep making her get down to 140, which I don't fucking... | ||
| It's not... | ||
| Look, she's not going to fight at 135. She's too big. | ||
| But there's a video of her making weight for 140 that she just put up. | ||
| It's horrific, man. | ||
| She's crying. | ||
| I mean, she's like broken down. | ||
| I mean, they get so fucking drained. | ||
| And then they got to fight 24 hours later. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| The whole process is crazy. | ||
| It's dangerous, and it's stupid, and it's unnecessary. | ||
| You should let these athletes, like, they should figure out what, I think the real problem is, here's one of the problems, is there's specific weight classes, right? | ||
| There's like 155, there's 170, there's 185, and in each specific weight class, the guy has, there's a champion, right? | ||
| But the variety of people, like what your natural weight should be, It really should be what you are when you're healthy, in shape, and you're walking around. | ||
| And ideally, that's exactly where you should be fighting. | ||
| The problem is, people are gonna fucking game the system. | ||
| And I think what we have to do is we have to shame people to try to game the system. | ||
| People that try to dehydrate themselves and fight smaller people. | ||
| That's like contrary to everything that martial arts is supposed to be about. | ||
| It's supposed to be about testing your skills, and especially in the competition sense, versus someone who's the exact same size as you. | ||
| So you're testing your skills. | ||
| You're testing your ability against someone who is the same size as you. | ||
| But if you pretend that you're that size, but you're only that size for like an hour, because you dehydrate yourself, but then you blow up, and you're much bigger after it's over, that's sort of contrary to what martial arts is supposed to be about. | ||
| Do you think it's the frequency of the UFCs, how many there are? | ||
| I mean, they're flooding the UFCs. | ||
| There's one almost every two weeks now. | ||
| Do you think if they were like, you're only allowed to fight every three years, but we're paying you twice as much, do you think that would help out fighters? | ||
| I don't think that's the solution. | ||
| I think, you know, it's good to have a bunch of different suggestions, but I think what right now everyone's locked into these pathways of fighting for titles. | ||
| This is what I think. | ||
| I think that's awesome. | ||
| Don't get me wrong. | ||
| I love when someone wins the belt. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| It's exciting. | ||
| You know when I get to walk up to someone and say Tyron Woodley the new welterweight champion the world like how does that sound like that's real you get to participate in one of the most special moments of an athlete's career of a fighters entire struggle as a As a competitor and one of the most difficult things a person could ever do So that that moment is like that's a crazy critical huge massive moment, | ||
| you know for anyone and I remember clearly saying it to Misha Tate. | ||
| I remember clearly saying it to Conor McGregor, Tyron Woodley, Robbie Lawler. | ||
| I remember clearly a lot of these guys. | ||
| These are huge, huge moments. | ||
| I don't think the average person, and even me, I don't think I can be as close as I am to the struggle, to the fights, and calling them all and being there. | ||
| I don't think I understand it like he understands it. | ||
| There's no way. | ||
| I can't. | ||
| There's no way I do. | ||
| I just don't. | ||
| So, there's that. | ||
| But, after that, what do we really want to see? | ||
| We want to see the best people fight the best people. | ||
| I don't know if the title of champion is the best way to do that. | ||
| I mean, we're all obsessed with who's the best, right? | ||
| And that is a good thing, I guess, because it forces people to fucking just polish that sword to the perfect sharpness. | ||
| But at the end of the day, what do we want to see? | ||
| We want to see the best people fight the best people. | ||
| That's what we really want to see. | ||
| I want to see Diaz double-slap Conor in the face at the same time. | ||
| Like, okay, let me ask you this right now. | ||
| If somebody had to offer you a pay-per-view tomorrow, if there's a pay-per-view they were doing tomorrow, and it's Nick Diaz versus George St. Pierre, there's no title on the line. | ||
| Who gives a fuck about a title? | ||
| I don't care at all. | ||
| I couldn't care less about a title. | ||
| If it's George St. Pierre versus Nick Diaz, I'm in. | ||
| I'm in. | ||
| I think that's the same thing with Tyron Woodley versus Nick Diaz or Tyron Woodley versus George St. Pierre. | ||
| It doesn't have to be for a title. | ||
| I want to see that. | ||
| I want to see what that is. | ||
| It's amazing when a person wins a title. | ||
| It is a gigantic achievement. | ||
| But what do you really want to see? | ||
| As a person who enjoys the sport, you want to see a guy who's beating everybody, right? | ||
| You want to see a guy who just keeps beating guys. | ||
| It doesn't matter if there's a belt on the line. | ||
| If I find out that Robbie Lawler's won six fights in a row against world-class competition, I'm like, he's beating this guy, he's beating that guy, he's beating Matt Brown, he's beating Johnny Hendricks. | ||
| I don't... | ||
| The belt doesn't mean a thing to me. | ||
| It really doesn't. | ||
| I just want to see, can Robbie Lawler beat Tyron Woodley? | ||
| Tyron Woodley beats Robbie Lawler. | ||
| I start thinking, okay, can Tyron Woodley beat George St. Pierre? | ||
| Is George St. Pierre ready to come back? | ||
| If he is, can Tyron Woodley beat him? | ||
| Or can George fight a really smart fight, a la the way Rory McDonald did? | ||
| And Rory McDonald shut down a lot of Tyron's offense in their fight and won a decision. | ||
| Or is Tyron better than he was then? | ||
| I want to see that. | ||
| Is he better? | ||
| Is he super confident now that he won the title? | ||
| Is it going to take him to some whole new level? | ||
| You beat a guy like Robbie Lawyer, you knock him out in one round. | ||
| You've got to think the momentum coming off of that has got to be stunning. | ||
| I would love to see fantasy UFC, like a show where they take maybe the fighters that have retired or people that aren't as good as the other fighters and have them almost do game show stuff. | ||
| You have to do a game and go, alright, so this fight, you have your shoes tied, you have to hold a banana and not crush it. | ||
| You have to protect this banana like it's a baby. | ||
| Fun things like that. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| I hear what you're saying. | ||
| I think as a fight, it would still be fun just to throw in other options, almost like a video game. | ||
| You need to go to a doctor. | ||
| I've told you many times, something wrong with your brain. | ||
| You need competition still of some kind. | ||
| That's the ultimate fighter. | ||
| The fight is still a competition, but if you take away the belt, you still maybe want to have a tournament. | ||
| Not monthly, but maybe a quarterly tournament or a season of some kind. | ||
| So there's something... | ||
| Did you ever see what Showtime did in boxing with the middleweight division? | ||
| They had a whole series of events a few years back with Carl Frotch and a bunch of other... | ||
| Andre Ward was in it. | ||
| Super 6, is that what it is? | ||
| Super 6 world boxing classic and it was super middleweight and they got the best super middleweights in the world and they paired them off against each other in this long running series where they were all committed to fighting each other. | ||
| It was really interesting. | ||
| Really interesting as an idea, like as a combat sport idea. | ||
| And, you know, you think about like what that could mean for the future. | ||
| I think something like that for mixed martial arts would be gigantic. | ||
| And it could generate a lot of interest. | ||
| And it could be something where they put up a ton of money. | ||
| Like instead of a world title, like what if they had an invitational? | ||
| What if someone put together an invitational? | ||
| They made a deal with the UFC. They made a deal with... | ||
| You know, 1FC or whatever the organizations are that are valid, and you have a tournament where they're all gonna duke it out, and there's gonna be some sort of split of revenue of the pay-per-view of this one tournament, and you'll have this Super 6 type thing like they did with Showtime with boxing. | ||
| That'd be insane, man. | ||
| That'd be epic. | ||
| Isn't fighting for that revenue also maybe good? | ||
| Or is that bad because you could have extra problems with that maybe with people taking dives or back-end deals or whatnot? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't know how problems come in with that. | ||
| The real money in fighting is always in winning. | ||
| So, like, getting people to throw fights, boy, that's unusual. | ||
| It's so unusual in high-end fighting, because when a fighter loses, it's not just about losing that fight, it's also about they lost their last fight, so then they're coming into their next fight, As a loser, so they're getting less money, so people don't like them as much, and, you know, if somebody hits you and you just fall down and pretend that you got knocked out, you can do that, and you can make money like that. | ||
| Somebody could bet you or promise you, right? | ||
| Someone could say, hey, dude, I'm betting 300 grand, and you go down the first round, I'll give you $100,000, bro. | ||
| I know you're only getting paid 20 grand. | ||
| And so you do that, and some dude... | ||
| That has totally been done in the world of boxing. | ||
| It's definitely happened. | ||
| I'm sure it's probably happened in the UFC. I'm not aware of it happening, but there's always the potential for people being deceptive. | ||
| It's happened in every sport, I'm pretty sure, at some point or another, at one time or another. | ||
| Yeah, wasn't there some NBA referee scandal? | ||
| Oh, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Tim Donahue, I believe. | ||
| And he went to jail for it, too, and he was making bets on things that he knew from inside information, whether it's like... | ||
| This particular referee calls really bad against his team because maybe he doesn't like someone on the team or something like that. | ||
| They're not supposed to do that, but he was calling out information publicly. | ||
| I think he wrote a book about it. | ||
| All the referees also then said he's bullshit, he's an asshole, he's obviously a scumbag, he went to jail. | ||
| But when you look at the track records of some of these things that he was saying, it looks to say that there is some weight that he's, there's a little bit of water there that he's, something. | ||
| So whether or not it's legit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
A little bit of water there? | |
| I didn't say that right. | ||
| A little bit of water. | ||
| I try to get that statement of there's, I like to pretend that I know what people are talking about. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh yeah, oh yeah, that fucking, a little bit of water in there, huh? | |
| That statement holds water is what I was trying to say. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Holds water. | |
| So he might have got framed. | ||
| I don't know about framed, but he definitely got caught in what he was doing. | ||
| And I think it was betting, sort of like maybe what Pete Rose did. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But then he wrote a book afterwards talking about all the stuff he knew and all the scumbag shit other referees were doing. | ||
| I don't think he called out names or anything like that. | ||
| But some people have wanted to talk to him and see what other things he knows. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, man, I would imagine if you have something where people bet on it, like professional sports, or even college sports, I would imagine there's so many people that bet on those games that there's always going to be, like, low lives. | ||
| Like, I know friends who use actual, real, old-school bookies. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, man, they use real bookies. | ||
| Real bookies still exist. | ||
| Tim Donahue, 100% of NBA referees gamble. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ha! | |
| When weird stuff was happening this year in the NBA, people always like to say that they are setting things up for money and ratings and whatnot. | ||
| And whoever wants to write an article will go to him and get a quote from him saying, this thing was fixed or this thing was staged. | ||
| It's unprovable usually, but he'll say it. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Should hire Amish people or something. | ||
| People that definitely don't care or have TVs. | ||
| Well, you know what, man? | ||
| Duh. | ||
| They're sports fans. | ||
| Most sports fans gamble. | ||
| That's another thing the government fucks us on. | ||
| How about that? | ||
| You should be able to gamble on whatever the fuck you want all over town. | ||
| And the idea that money won gambling should be taxed and that's why they're trying to keep it. | ||
| Listen, I didn't earn this money. | ||
| I bet. | ||
| You bet money to make money. | ||
| That is so different than earning money. | ||
| You tell me I earned it? | ||
| Fuck you, you crooks. | ||
| Unless it's scratch-offs or the lottery by the government. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes! | |
| In that case, gamble, gamble, gamble. | ||
| With a fun logo and a big smile and you could win. | ||
| Powerball! | ||
| Woo! | ||
| It's a Powerball. | ||
| Yeah, fuck you. | ||
| Fuck you, overlords. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Fuck you for trying to keep weed from us. | ||
| Fuck you from the gambling. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, gambling destroys families. | |
| Gambling destroys families. | ||
| My uncle gambled and the family lost everything. | ||
| No, he's a retard. | ||
| Your uncle was a retard. | ||
| Retards lose everything. | ||
| They lose it through meth. | ||
| They lose it through gambling. | ||
| They lose it through sucking trucker dicks for crack money. | ||
| They lose it through all sorts of ways. | ||
| They're fucking crazy. | ||
| There's a certain amount of crazy people. | ||
| You can't blame gambling. | ||
| You fuck. | ||
| $1,200, if you win more, you're supposed to pay taxes on it. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| You can claim losses, too, which is how some gamblers get through that. | ||
| Oh, you can claim losses? | ||
| Yeah, you don't have to say how much you gambled, I think, throughout a year, but if you get winnings, you can also claim losses against it. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| I didn't know that. | ||
| Yeah, it was a little trick. | ||
| Write that down. | ||
| Yeah, but they'll probably audit the fuck out if you try to do that. | ||
| You're probably like, oh, you think you're cute? | ||
| Check this out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Boom! | |
| Going deep in your asshole, son. | ||
| Looking for receipts. | ||
| Looking for receipts. | ||
| Deepen your asshole, son. | ||
| Yeah, they just have too much power. | ||
| They can shut your bank accounts down. | ||
| They can shut your credit cards down. | ||
| They can take your money from your boss before you go to court. | ||
| They can do a lot of stuff that they probably shouldn't be able to do. | ||
| But they have to get money from 350 million fucking people. | ||
| I mean, how many pay taxes? | ||
| Probably not 300 million, but... | ||
| I know so many people that told me they don't even do taxes. | ||
| They're like, oh, I don't do taxes. | ||
| Well, you're talking to like crazy comedians that'll eventually get caught. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| You know, there was a big scandal in Boston. | ||
| There was one of... | ||
| I shouldn't say a scandal. | ||
| It was a dilemma. | ||
| It was a huge issue in Boston. | ||
| That I got to experience second-hand, fortunately, with the old-school comedians that were super successful there that didn't pay taxes. | ||
| It was a giant issue, because they got caught, and one got caught, and another got caught, and then the IRS people realized, oh, none of these fucking comedians pay taxes. | ||
| How much money are these guys making? | ||
| Because you'd go to certain comedy clubs and be the same guy almost every weekend. | ||
| They had these deals. | ||
| There were certain clubs, like Nick's Comedy Stop was a big one. | ||
| They had deals with the best comics in town. | ||
| So if you went by Nick's Comedy Stop on any given night in the late 80s, you would see like Steve, Sweeney, Don, Gavin. | ||
| They would be there every weekend. | ||
| So those places were packed. | ||
| They were all getting paid cash. | ||
| Or cocaine. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Shh! | |
| Allegedly! | ||
| God, you have to say allegedly. | ||
| Allegedly. | ||
| I never got offered coke, but I also never got offered money. | ||
| I never worked there, really. | ||
| I'm not going to say who, but a friend of ours, every time he goes, Just give me cash! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Just give me cash, motherfucker. | |
| Um, I think I might have worked there once or twice ever at Nick's, but I was never in the position where they could offer you coke. | ||
| I wasn't, I just wasn't in deep enough. | ||
| If I had worked there, it was like a, I'd emceed something and made, and then I came back and worked there, but that was after like, I had agents and they handled the financial part of things like later or later on. | ||
| But those stories were always there. | ||
| Those guys got paid in coke, those guys got, you know, but they just fucking were animals. | ||
| They were living like savages and they weren't paying their taxes and they, one by one, they all got Fucking thunderstruck and it was a Worst-case scenario because it was like here's the comedy boom, okay? | ||
| Here's like the 80s comedy boom where everybody's got rolled up sleeves on a fucking blazer and stand on stage did you ever notice and then everybody's doing that they're all Evening at the Improv can't get enough talent because there's just not enough comedians. | ||
| They need more. | ||
| Those shows are huge. | ||
| People love sitting in front of the TV, vegging out, watching Evening at the Improv. | ||
| So these comedy clubs explode all across the country. | ||
| I mean fucking explode. | ||
| But, as Joey Diaz likes to say, they couldn't cover the spread. | ||
| They couldn't cover the spread, Joe Rogan. | ||
|
unidentified
|
People get tired of seeing the same fucking act over and over again. | |
| You're going out, you're buying a fucking babysitter. | ||
| And that's what happened. | ||
| It died off. | ||
| So these guys made all their money in the heyday. | ||
| And during the heyday, they're doing blow on that fucking party. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Da-da-da-da. | |
| Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. | ||
| Every night, killing. | ||
| Pow! | ||
| And I told her, that's not my fucking dick! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ah! | |
| The whole place goes crazy. | ||
| The world goes nuts. | ||
| They fucking clink glasses at the bar. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Woo! | |
| And after a while, they got a... Mr. Johnson, it's Mr. Peterson from the IRS. | ||
| I'd love to have a word with you. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| And then they just go over the fact that they audited the comedy club. | ||
| And the comedy club has all these comics on roster. | ||
| You are amongst them. | ||
| You made X amount of dollars. | ||
| We got paid zero. | ||
| You owe us this plus a penalty, which is that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And you just... | |
| And the comedy clubs have dried up. | ||
| And they're getting older. | ||
| And a lot of them, they're just tired. | ||
| They're just drinking and partying all the time. | ||
| You get worn out. | ||
| And then all of a sudden, there's no more work. | ||
| The work dies off. | ||
| You haven't really done the road, so you don't have a national presence. | ||
| You only have a local presence. | ||
| And then the fucking money guys come in, just sucking it out of ya. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Or else I'm just gonna hook the straw up to your spine and pull the fluid out. | |
| I recently had to go through all my stuff for the IRS, and nowadays it's a lot better, though, I guess, than it used to be, because if you're, say, a comedian, you go through and you just go, like, oh, comedy store. | ||
| I was at the comedy store. | ||
| I'm a comedian. | ||
| And I go to the comedy store almost every single day. | ||
| But you also realize that everything you do... | ||
| As a comic, that I could write off. | ||
| The parking next door, I can write off. | ||
| If I even get Netflix, I could write that off because I'm researching Netflix. | ||
| It's pretty amazing how much you can write off and how much it's documented nowadays because everyone's using their cards instead of paying cash for everything. | ||
| It's gotten better for comics, I think, now. | ||
| Back then, I couldn't even imagine just having all those receipts and just Being like, no, I swear this is for comedy. | ||
| It's kind of screwy, because if you're a writer, you can do that too. | ||
| If you're a writer, you can say that you're doing research and you go to the movies. | ||
| I don't do that. | ||
| You could, though. | ||
| I wouldn't. | ||
| There's something screwy about it, because yeah, I guess you could write it off. | ||
| I guess it's research, but really you're just having fun at the movies, aren't you? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| How many of those business lunches, though, I don't know if you've ever been on tons of them, but I used to work in restaurants where people would come in and would abuse the shit out of those credit cards and order steaks for 15 guys, and they're sitting there drinking whiskey at lunch, and they're not talking about business. | ||
| But it is business in the sense, like, say, like, Brian and I had a business opportunity for you, and we wanted you to get excited about it, so we're gonna take you out, we're gonna get you drunk, gonna buy you some steaks, And we're going to sit there and clink glasses together and we'll feel a little loose. | ||
| We'll have some camaraderie because of this booze. | ||
| We'll be feeling good. | ||
| And we'll be like, I like this venture. | ||
| I think this could be really successful. | ||
| I think we're going to work well together. | ||
| We're going to have a good fucking time. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ah! | |
| Clink! | ||
| That's a real business lunch. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| But like in that movie on Wolf of Wall Street where they're sitting there and this dad's looking through all their money they spent on hookers and whatnot. | ||
| He's like, you really had to spend $78,000 on da-da-da. | ||
| We could have had lunch at McDonald's or Subway instead of having it at the Ivy or Koi or whatever and getting sushi. | ||
| We could have just got food. | ||
| Why did you have to spend $500? | ||
| You could have just spent $100, right? | ||
| Why did you guys have to have... | ||
| All the crazy steaks and $500 bottles of wine to talk about this meal. | ||
| It's the same kind of thought, like, what kind of fucking logic is that, pussy? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm just saying, like, why can't I watch Netflix? | |
| You're going crazy! | ||
| It's been done plenty of times. | ||
| I've had friends that make their living off of it. | ||
| You're not going to impress anyone. | ||
| I understand, but Jamie, what you're saying is ridiculous. | ||
| You're talking about some big business on a budget. | ||
| We could have gone to McDonald's. | ||
| I'm just sort of making the... | ||
| Why spend $500 on the client when you can spend $500? | ||
| So don't spend any money on your research to make your job better. | ||
| Just watch people at the park instead of paying $10 to get better quality research. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| That's all I'm... | ||
| That's the... | ||
| Watch people at the park. | ||
| That's free. | ||
| That's free entertainment. | ||
| How is that like taking in a movie? | ||
| I was making a comic skit. | ||
| Did you hit your head today? | ||
| No, no, I'm just saying... | ||
| Are you okay? | ||
| As a comic looking for material, if you're going to make the argument of saying, I need to get material, this is what I'm going to do to get my material. | ||
| There could be anything you want to do. | ||
| You could talk about basketball, you could talk about poker, you could talk about alcohol. | ||
| Unless you want to do a strip club joke and you're at a park trying to think of strip club jokes. | ||
| That's what I'm saying. | ||
| If you want to talk about strip clubs, you have to go to a strip club. | ||
| That's the most part. | ||
| This business guy making this big deal at lunch, I have to go to this lunch and I have to spend this money because I have to impress my clients. | ||
| They can't impress them at McDonald's. | ||
| You can make the arguments if you want all day long for the thing that is needed for your business. | ||
| That's the only thing I was trying to say. | ||
| Well, you mean from the employer's point of view of allowing this to happen, or from the person who's the salesperson that's out there with the business lunch? | ||
| Whoever's getting in trouble and needs to defend this action, I suppose. | ||
| Yeah, I could see both arguments, but honestly, I think for a lot of the people that have those accounts, it's kind of important that they form these relationships. | ||
| That's why a business lunch is actually an effective thing. | ||
| So I would think that a business lunch is one of the rare exceptions of something that makes fun that you write off, or makes sense, rather, that you write off. | ||
| But I could see that... | ||
| Movies do make sense, you know, like if you're a guy and you're You're writing your writer and you're writing a piece about modern horror movies about the lack of modern horror movies like if you're a modern if you're a fan of horror movies Fuck you have to wait a long time How long do you have to wait for a good goddamn vampire movie? | ||
| How long for a werewolf movie? | ||
| It's every 30 years. | ||
| God damn it. | ||
| Every now and then they tease you like Benicio Del Toro and that werewolf. | ||
| I'm like, oh, Benicio Del Toro, he's not going to fuck it up. | ||
| This is going to be amazing. | ||
| They fucked it up. | ||
| Benicio Del Toro and Anthony Hopkins and it's still blue. | ||
| Didn't Jack Nicholson make one? | ||
| Yeah, that was the worst with Michelle Pfeiffer when she was hot. | ||
| So hot. | ||
| I'll tell you, a horror movie. | ||
| I re-watched Deliverance the other day. | ||
| That's a horror movie. | ||
| I can't stop thinking about that squeal-like-a-pig scene. | ||
| What a creepy, realistic version of parts of life that goes on every single day, probably. | ||
| Probably, right? | ||
| That was a crazy-ass movie, man. | ||
| Is that Jack Nicholson? | ||
| That is so dumb. | ||
| Why does his forehead have zero hair? | ||
| Yeah, he's... | ||
| And when he turns into a wolfman, he's the same size, everything. | ||
| It's like, what do you have, more teeth? | ||
| Who's that, though? | ||
| That's not him, right? | ||
| That's not Jack Nicholson. | ||
| Is that a different one, or is that another scene in the movie? | ||
| Like, CGI. Yeah, I don't... | ||
| Ooh, Michelle Pfeiffer. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jesus. | |
| Who is that? | ||
| That's from it. | ||
| Is that from the movie? | ||
| Jack Nicholson, yeah. | ||
| Oh, that's what he looked like at the end? | ||
| So there was, like, stages of werewolfdom? | ||
| I don't even remember this movie. | ||
| This is eyes for something? | ||
| Oh, this is different. | ||
| Find out if there's a scene where you see what Jack Nicholson looked like. | ||
| I think it was called Wolf. | ||
| It was really corny. | ||
| They, like, jumped in slow motion. | ||
| Like, whenever, like, you're showing slow motion, first of all, you fucked up. | ||
| Horror movies should be about two second scenes. | ||
| Like, like, Alien. | ||
| Like, the first movie, Alien, was perfect. | ||
| You rarely got to see the alien. | ||
| And when you did see it, it was like... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Shit! | |
| It was a perfect movie in that sense. | ||
| When you're seeing Jack Nicholson, who looks exactly like Jack Nicholson with a thicker beard, he looks like Jack Nicholson that would be a barista in a handcrafted coffee place in Seattle. | ||
| That's how fucking furry he is. | ||
| Oh, he's got slightly bigger teeth, which, by the way, you can buy. | ||
| Just like you can buy dental implants, you can buy those slightly bigger teeth. | ||
| So you essentially could look fucking exactly like Jack Nicholson in this stupid wolf movie. | ||
| You could get some fake eyes where you put contacts on that make you look scary. | ||
| And so he's jumping in slow motion. | ||
| And as he's jumping in slow motion, you realize, like, that's just like a person's body. | ||
| It's not even weird. | ||
| It's just a guy like this. | ||
| He's peeing on him here. | ||
| I do not remember this movie at all. | ||
| He peed on James Spader. | ||
| Oh, he did? | ||
| Remember James Spader before he was in this new fucking bullshit show he's in? | ||
| Huh? | ||
| That didn't look like James Spader at all. | ||
| Was it? | ||
| No, I'm just saying he looks way too young. | ||
| I guess this is old. | ||
| I think it was Spader. | ||
| That's 1984, right? | ||
| Yeah, I'm not disagreeing, I'm just saying. | ||
| Is it 84 or 94? | ||
| 94. 94, sorry. | ||
| Wow, 94. Let's see what the wolf part of him looks like. | ||
| Because it was really bad. | ||
| I wish I was like friends with the people who were doing that movie, like back when it was happening. | ||
| She turns into a wolf here. | ||
| Oh, she does? | ||
| Whatever. | ||
| How bad is this gonna look? | ||
| Come on. | ||
| What is she doing? | ||
| She's running as the wolf? | ||
| Did we miss the transition? | ||
| That's like half the werewolf movie, man. | ||
| If you go to, like, Lone Chaney. | ||
| See, Lone Chaney Jr., he had an excuse. | ||
| Go to the wolfman. | ||
| The old wolfman. | ||
| Look at James Spader down there. | ||
| Look at that handsome wolf fella. | ||
| Look at him. | ||
| Look at him. | ||
| See? | ||
| Isn't that crazy? | ||
| That's that dude that's on that Blacklist show. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Looks like he drinks a lot of water now. | ||
| Go back. | ||
| Okay, just Google Lone Chaney the Wolfman. | ||
| So that was the Wolfman from 2010 that you just pulled up, which is pretty fun. | ||
| I put it on the background sometimes when I'm writing, just because visually it's kind of interesting. | ||
| But if the top one, the top one, that's Lone Chaney as the werewolf. | ||
| So this is like, find out what year this is, man, because this is like, oh, this is just an award show. | ||
| He's the classic wolfman, though. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You see, like, the monster mash and stuff. | ||
| Well, it was so goofy. | ||
| Claude Rains. | ||
| 1941. Go full screen. | ||
| This is exciting. | ||
| So this is a trailer for a movie back in the time where they didn't even have trailers. | ||
| Somebody must have made this after the fact, probably. | ||
| As the wolfman. | ||
| Let's do the mash. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Tony Williams was killed? | |
| Yes. | ||
| Find something? | ||
| Animal tracks. | ||
| Whoever is beaten by a werewolf and lives becomes a werewolf himself. | ||
| Oh, don't hand me that. | ||
| You're just wasting your time. | ||
| The wolf bit you, didn't he? | ||
| Oh, don't hand me that. | ||
| He had just wasted your time. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You wouldn't want to run away with a murderer, would you? | |
| Larry, you're not. | ||
| You know you're not. | ||
| I killed Baylor. | ||
| I killed Richardson. | ||
| If I stay here any longer, you can't tell who'll be next. | ||
| Look at these special effects. | ||
| Good lord. | ||
| Look at him. | ||
| The girl's yelling. | ||
| She's barely fighting. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| She just kind of gave up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'll take it. | |
| She was psyched. | ||
| The bloodlust of a savage beast, the Wolfman. | ||
| I wonder if that's a real trailer, or if that's something a fan created. | ||
| That looks like a real trailer. | ||
| It does, but I didn't think they had trailers. | ||
| Did they have trailers back then? | ||
| Oh yeah, they had trailers. | ||
| In 1941? | ||
| Yeah, they had trailers back then. | ||
| Did they? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| Really? | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| I didn't think they did, man. | ||
| I know that for some movies, like when you go to iTunes and you go to click on trailer for some really shitty movies, they don't really have a trailer. | ||
| They just take a chunk of the movie, like, stick it in there. | ||
| Who gives a fuck? | ||
| No one's watching this piece of shit movie. | ||
| I did that the other day. | ||
| It was some horror movie, and I tried to watch it, and I said, let me see what the trailer is. | ||
| The trailer wasn't a trailer at all. | ||
| It was just like they just took a snip. | ||
| What do you want, like four minutes? | ||
| How long you want the trailer? | ||
| Five minutes. | ||
| Any five minutes in particular? | ||
| A good five? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Titty. | |
| They find titty to put that in there. | ||
| I mean, that's a super common thing. | ||
| I wonder what year they invented the trailer, if you had to guess. | ||
| 46. 46? | ||
| Well, that's 41. Okay, 36. 26. It certainly looks like a real trailer. | ||
| The font's perfect, but how bad is the acting? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Even with a murderer? | |
| Dude, there's bad acting in movies that I thought were amazing ten years ago. | ||
| First trailer was shown in a U.S. film theater in 1913. Whoa! | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| And we've been fucked ever since then. | ||
| Advertising should be illegal, right? | ||
| It's too easy to fuck with our heads. | ||
| I like trailers more than I like movies. | ||
| How about that? | ||
| Because it's a fucking juicy, like, they figured out how to make it into a little sound bite. | ||
| Makes me excited. | ||
| That's what happened with Suicide Squad, apparently. | ||
| They made that cool trailer that came out earlier last year, and everyone really liked that, and, uh... | ||
| The Warner Brothers company, this is what I read, they were afraid it wasn't going to be that cool, it wasn't going to look like that, it wasn't going to deliver on that promise. | ||
| Well, they were also freaked out because of Batman and Superman failed so hard. | ||
| So they hired that company that made that trailer to re-edit the movie that the director was making at the same time they were making it. | ||
| So there was two cuts going around at the same time, and then they molded them together at the end of the summers. | ||
| Oh, too many cooks. | ||
| Too much cum. | ||
| Too much cum in the egg drop soup. | ||
| They actually added jokes. | ||
| They had to reshoot a lot of stuff to add more humor to it. | ||
| They edited out the Joker completely. | ||
| But all you know is that the director's cut's probably going to be better. | ||
| Wait a minute. | ||
| They edited out the Joker? | ||
|
unidentified
|
A lot. | |
| I thought that was a big thing with Jared Leto. | ||
| No, no. | ||
| They edited a lot of the Joker out. | ||
| Most of the Joker out. | ||
| He's barely in that movie, I heard. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| I refuse to watch it. | ||
| You heard? | ||
| No, no. | ||
| I read. | ||
| I read. | ||
| You read. | ||
| Is that true? | ||
| He complained about it, too? | ||
| Oh, man. | ||
| He's not even in the poster. | ||
| He looked dope. | ||
| Did you notice that? | ||
| He's not even in the poster. | ||
| One of the main characters is not even in the poster. | ||
| Well, in all fairness, who the fuck knows what happened? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, this Jared Leto character, who knows what kind of wacky shenanigans he was up to. | ||
| He was doing weird stuff to the cast in character the whole time. | ||
| Oh, was he? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And so he pissed him off? | ||
| I don't know about the cast. | ||
| He was just supposedly... | ||
| Became an issue? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Yeah, there you go. | ||
| I can see that coming. | ||
| I read somewhere, I don't know if it's true, if Will Smith... | ||
| I love saying that. | ||
| I know. | ||
| I didn't research it, but I read that Will Smith hates him and publicly said he hates him. | ||
| Jared Leto? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| If Will Smith hates you... | ||
| But I don't know if it's true, though. | ||
| Did you hear about The Rock yesterday coming out, publicly talking about Fast and the Furious 8 castmates that were being divas on set? | ||
| And it was causing a big rift. | ||
| And all of his castmates, like Kurt Russell's in it, Tyrese, Vin Diesel obviously is in it, a couple people. | ||
| He didn't publicly say who it was, but the way it came out, it was like an Instagram post. | ||
| And so everyone was... | ||
| He's hounding all of his castmates asking who it was and what was really going on. | ||
| It turns out it was Vin Diesel and they had it out in his trailer yesterday. | ||
| What was going on with Vin Diesel? | ||
| He's showing up late to set. | ||
| He's a producer on the movie, though, too. | ||
| He's 28. He makes a lot of money on these movies. | ||
| Yeah, he wears sunglasses inside. | ||
| That's always the weirdest thing when people wear sunglasses. | ||
| You can do that if you're P. Diddy. | ||
| There's like certain people that can do that. | ||
| You can do that Vin Diesel. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| Fast ate beef. | ||
| It was reportedly Vin Diesel the rock was calling a candy ass. | ||
| This is the best viral promotion of a film that has- Vin Diesel's a large gentleman, but I would bet everything I've ever made on the gentleman to the right with the goatee. | ||
| Like, everything, everything I know. | ||
| Me too. | ||
| My life. | ||
| Everything I've ever made. | ||
| My life. | ||
| The future of the world itself. | ||
| I'd bet it on The Rock. | ||
| The Rock's awesome. | ||
| Well, he's an inspirational character, too. | ||
| Like, um, he's a dude who gets up in the fuck, what does it say? | ||
| The Rock walks back, his name calling, but Vin Diesel lives for drama. | ||
| Hmm. | ||
| I don't know what that means. | ||
| He's like, maybe just relax and said, what am I doing? | ||
| Why am I wasting my time here? | ||
| It is why, I mean, he's the number one most highly paid actor in the world. | ||
| He's number one. | ||
| So, you know, this is always going to be drama. | ||
| There's going to be people that fuck with you when you're number one. | ||
| There's that. | ||
| There's going to be issues you have. | ||
| You're working with some dude. | ||
| And there's also probably a lot of bullshit stories that are put into the TMZs just so you have some prior advertising of a movie that no one even knew was being filmed. | ||
| But this isn't even TMZ, right? | ||
| This is his own Instagram page. | ||
| You can say that they're doing it on purpose? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| I mean, Special of the Rocks is such a prankster anyways, you know? | ||
| That's a good point. | ||
| That's a good point. | ||
| Calling a dude a candy ass does sound like pro wrestling talk. | ||
| I don't trust anything anymore. | ||
| Like, for the longest time, I don't trust... | ||
| I used to think Rotten Tomatoes was, like, completely legit, right? | ||
| But then you start seeing movies on Rotten Tomatoes, and you're like, I saw that movie. | ||
| There's no way that's a 98%. | ||
| How in the fuck is that a 98%? | ||
| Then I heard from somebody that they only picked the top comic... | ||
| or top reviewers... | ||
| They don't use the same reviewers for every movie. | ||
| So they'll have 10 top reviewers for this movie and only 5 for this movie. | ||
| They're almost picking and choosing. | ||
| Then me and Jamie were talking about, we found out who owns Rotten Tomatoes. | ||
| Viacom owns Rotten Tomatoes. | ||
| It's not Viacom. | ||
| Fandango owns it. | ||
| And then Fandango's owned by Universal and Universal's owned by Comcast. | ||
| And Universal and Sony... | ||
| Welcome to the Terror Dome! | ||
| Come on down! | ||
| And all that fucking thing is is selling TV shows and movies. | ||
| They make those. | ||
| Okay, but doesn't Rotten Tomatoes operate under user criticisms? | ||
| Say like it uses the top reviewers. | ||
| Say like there's a hundred reviewers that they choose from. | ||
| They choose from? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They don't use the same reviewers for every movie I've been looking. | ||
| What? | ||
| Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. | ||
| So, but you're saying they choose the reviewers. | ||
| The same reviewers, they're not reviewing every movie, are they? | ||
| Is there like an industry in reviewing things? | ||
| Well, if you look at, say, let's see what movie's coming out. | ||
| Sausage Party right now. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Look at who's reviewed that movie. | ||
| Then look at a movie that's also opening this Friday. | ||
| See how many of those reviewers are the same. | ||
| They're not the same reviewers all the time, 100%. | ||
| How many people are reviewing a movie on Rotten Tomatoes? | ||
| Like, when they give those tomato numbers. | ||
| Right. | ||
| How many people are doing that? | ||
| It's gotta be thousands. | ||
| No, they have user reviews, and then they have professional reviewers. | ||
| What? | ||
| 74 reviews? | ||
| What? | ||
| Wait a minute. | ||
| Oh, this is a critics' consensus. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Wait a minute, was it always that way? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| They've always been separated through critics and then user reviews, and there's been a separate icon that you're supposed to pay attention to. | ||
| I always just go to the app. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And then if you scroll down, though, if you scroll down, they have... | ||
| That's actually Yelp. | ||
| Go to the Yelp app. | ||
| Rotten Tomatoes doesn't even have an app, do they? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, they do. | |
| Do they make that app? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, they do. | |
| They have an app. | ||
| But then they have the reviewers. | ||
| And then a lot of these reviewers, there's somebody that actually chooses if it's rotten or not. | ||
| I clicked on a few of these, what they're called fresh reviews, where it's supposed to be positive review, and they... | ||
| If you go through it, you're like, how did they get positive from this? | ||
| This sounds like they were kind of on the fence, like a 50-50%, you know? | ||
| But then, it's like all, none of it makes real sense. | ||
| There's no real math on this at all. | ||
| It's pretty bullshit. | ||
| That's interesting that you just pointed that out. | ||
| It's interesting that it's critics. | ||
| I really thought that the whole purpose of those things was reviewers being like regular people. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| If you look at a site like Metacritic, that seems like it's a little bit less biased and more factual. | ||
| And that makes more sense. | ||
| Because there's been so many movies on here lately that have been like, that's impossible that that's a 90%. | ||
| Yeah, because if you had a movie, you could just juice these guys, take them to business lunch, clink, clink, air quotes. | ||
| You said Metacritic. | ||
| I just went to their website, and they're owned by CBS Interactive. | ||
| Oh, Jesus Christ. | ||
| Never mind. | ||
| Christ. | ||
| God damn it! | ||
| I had no idea about that. | ||
| CBS Interactive, you motherfuckers. | ||
| That's Viacom. | ||
| We're being bought and sold! | ||
| We're bought and sold, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| Look at this movie. | ||
| Now, if you go to this one and look at the same movies, like Sausage Party or whatever it is, it won't match up. | ||
| Shouldn't they match up if they both do the exact same fucking thing in their own from the same company? | ||
| Oh, I hate life. | ||
| They're not owned by the same company. | ||
| One of them is owned by CBS, the other one is owned by Universal. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But yeah, notice how many reviewers on this one compared to how many reviewers on the one that's Universal, with Sony and Universal, work together if not owned by the same company. | ||
| Right. | ||
| How many different, what was the numbers for Metacritic? | ||
| Yeah, how many? | ||
| 74 versus would have met a critic have Less Less Yeah, this is for critic reviews. | ||
| They have 27, 6, 30, 34 or so. | ||
| Just 34. Ha! | ||
| Sorry, folks. | ||
| We had to get medicated. | ||
| So Metacritic is pulling from not the same pool as Rotten Tomatoes. | ||
| Where are all these extra reviewers coming from Rotten Tomatoes on a movie that you guys are behind? | ||
| It's a bunch of people that are, you know... | ||
| Look, if you had a... | ||
| Say there's a network, right? | ||
| Like, okay. | ||
| There's a network of podcasters, right? | ||
| We're all kind of... | ||
| Whether or not we're networked together officially, we're all connected, right? | ||
| Well, you know, kind of... | ||
| Movie reviewer type characters that are like online movie reviewer dudes. | ||
| If they say, hey man, you want to get in with this Rotten Tomatoes thing? | ||
| It's really cool. | ||
| You have to go to seven movies a week and you get paid really well and you just write these little things about it. | ||
| You're encouraged to support the big ones. | ||
| Just be fair in your criticism. | ||
| You don't have to make things up. | ||
| If you don't like something, just be fair. | ||
| Okay, cool. | ||
| And then you go in there, and then you got steady money. | ||
| You got steady money coming your way. | ||
| I don't know how much it is, but I would imagine a company like Rotten Tomatoes, which you've used, I've used, so many people have used to see a movie, they probably make some cash, right? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Have to. | ||
| They have to. | ||
| Everybody knows it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Who doesn't know about Rotten Tomatoes? | ||
| Right. | ||
| I mean, they advertise movies on Rotten Tomatoes that they judge. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Doesn't that seem kind of weird? | ||
| Well, the problem is, even if it was, like, totally legit in the beginning. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Which I believe. | ||
| After a while, someone comes along with you, like, even the Fertittas sold the UFC, okay? | ||
| Just be aware. | ||
| Like, at a certain point in time, no matter how rich you are, someone comes along with a good number, and you go, uh-huh. | ||
| Alright. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| So we'll still be able to review movies. | ||
| I can be honest. | ||
| You can be fair. | ||
| Can you be fair? | ||
| I can be fair. | ||
| I can be fair. | ||
| Let's do this. | ||
| Let's go on a business lunch. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Woo! | |
| Next thing you know, it's Chip Club. | ||
| Steaks. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Strippers. | |
| We're gonna be in business forever! | ||
|
unidentified
|
We'll be killing forever. | |
| We're gonna die someday. | ||
| We're not dying, bro! | ||
|
unidentified
|
We're not fucking dying! | |
| We're gonna take hormones and we're gonna go to a fucking doctor in Brazil and he's gonna shoot us up with the same shit that they shot up Michelle Pfeiffer with. | ||
| She looks perfect. | ||
| She looks really similar to how she looked in that wolf movie. | ||
| Selena Gomez right now. | ||
| I just saw her in person the other day. | ||
| She's 12. She's 12 years old. | ||
| And she's so small and hot. | ||
| She's a little tiny person. | ||
| What's wrong with you? | ||
| You know, it's so weird. | ||
| They really gave me... | ||
| I got to go to the Sausage Party premiere and I got to be on the red carpet with all the celebrities and stuff. | ||
| And it was really... | ||
| It was my first time ever doing something like that level. | ||
| But I got to see everyone in person that I've always seen, like Selena Gomez and that Josh... | ||
| What's that guy's name again? | ||
| Josh from Limitless or... | ||
| Joseph Gordon-Levitt. | ||
| All these guys that I've seen so many times, they're so small and... | ||
| Like, in real life, it's so weird seeing them. | ||
| They seem like little versions of everybody. | ||
| It's so cool. | ||
| It's cool and interesting. | ||
| Well, you're not a big guy. | ||
| You're my size. | ||
| Yeah, I know. | ||
| But you think, I guess because you think of them as superheroes, you know, in a lot of these movies and stuff. | ||
| If I had a dollar for every time someone said, you're shorter than I thought you would be, to me, I'd have a hundred dollars. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Probably have $100. | ||
| I'm not kidding. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Michael Cera, by the way, he was the weirdest guy. | ||
| Michael Cera. | ||
| Who's that? | ||
| He was in Kick-Ass. | ||
| Is that Scott? | ||
| Oh, that guy? | ||
| No. | ||
| Scott Pilgrim. | ||
| Remember Scott Pilgrim? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| He's weird? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, he just looked... | ||
| That guy's weird? | ||
| Yeah, well, he just has a weird... | ||
| Vibed him. | ||
| He's like a... | ||
| He's probably a little uncomfortable. | ||
| That's why he's funny. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Hipster. | ||
| Like a homeless hipster. | ||
| That's what he looked like. | ||
| Step from the 60s. | ||
| That dude is so funny. | ||
| I love that guy. | ||
| I think that whenever someone's that funny, I always assume there's something going on. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Some kind of crazy. | ||
| You know, he's that funny. | ||
| He's a funny fucking guy, man. | ||
| That movie Kick-Ass is still one of my... | ||
| Scott Pilgrim. | ||
| Scott Pilgrim. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And Superbad, too. | ||
| Superbad is my favorite. | ||
| It's like that scene when Jonah Hill's just drawn dicks in school. | ||
| I remember I was literally like lying. | ||
| I watched it by myself. | ||
| And I was lying sideways on my couch, kicking and paddling in the air. | ||
| Like, ah! | ||
| Because he kept drawing dicks. | ||
| I was like, why do you keep drawing dicks? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm like, that's something I would totally have done. | |
| I still do it to this day. | ||
| Half these notebook pads have sticks on. | ||
| I know. | ||
| David Cho. | ||
| Whenever David Cho's in here, he's drawing dicks. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| I love that. | ||
| He's got all different colored dicks. | ||
| So perfect. | ||
| Yeah, dicks, boobs, and eyeballs were my power three. | ||
| Was it Jonah Hill that did it, or was it him? | ||
| Yeah, it was Jonah Hill. | ||
| God, it's fucking funny, man. | ||
| It's all Jonah Hill. | ||
| Cool. | ||
| Is Sausage Party funny? | ||
| Be honest. | ||
| Don't rotten tomatoes me, you fuck. | ||
| I'll tell you the full truth. | ||
| I've been waiting for this movie for a long-ass time, because it's kind of like a dream movie, doing a Pixar movie and having a dirty, like an old Fritz the Cat or something. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And, you know, there's a couple scenes in there that kind of are very, very fun to watch. | ||
| But overall, it was just like having a kid's movie where they cussed at. | ||
| And it was like, you know, really kind of like, oh God, oh geez. | ||
| I got bored. | ||
| That was the biggest thing. | ||
| I just got really bored while watching it. | ||
| And I was not expecting that. | ||
| I was expecting that this would be the best movie. | ||
| I get a tattoo of it on my arm or something. | ||
| But no, it was one of the biggest letdowns I've ever had. | ||
| See Rotten Tomatoes? | ||
| That's called reality. | ||
| And the internet's coming for you, son. | ||
| And I love Seth Rogen movies. | ||
| That's my favorite. | ||
| Like, if there was a class of movies, Seth Rogen movies are my top favorite. | ||
| But it just didn't, like, it was cheesy. | ||
| Like, they called it juice, juice. | ||
| And there's, like, all these, like, things where you're just like, oh, God. | ||
| It's like open mic night. | ||
| Oh, man. | ||
| Brian coming down hard on the sausage party. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, I really, maybe I was just in a mood. | ||
| Here's a little bit of a correction? | ||
| No, maybe I was just in a mood. | ||
| I will definitely watch it again and see if, but it seemed like a kid's movie where they cuss. | ||
| That's pretty much. | ||
| Like, if I'm going to do the first or like a new version of like an adult cartoon, I'm going to show nudity. | ||
| I'm going to get that NC-17 rating or unrating. | ||
| I'm going balls deep. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Okay, but you know that's not what they were trying to do. | ||
| I mean, they do it. | ||
| In the movie, spoiler alert... | ||
| Don't, don't, don't. | ||
| Alright, I'll change it then. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The movie ends very graphic. | |
| Does it end as graphic as like Team America World Police when they're fucking shit on each other? | ||
| Yeah, it goes over it, but imagine if it was made for Cinemax... | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| So you can see nipple, but no lips. | ||
| No, these are all just pieces of lettuce and tacos and stuff. | ||
| That's what I'm saying. | ||
| Don't say anymore. | ||
| You've already confused me enough where I can forget what you said and just cross it off to you being you. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But no, I mean, it's unfortunate. | ||
| Well, you know what, man? | ||
| Did you see Ghostbusters? | ||
| Fuck no. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Here's my thinking. | ||
| Did you? | ||
| Yes, I did. | ||
| Oh, God. | ||
| My girls want to see it. | ||
| Alright. | ||
| It's a perfect movie for an eight-year-old girl. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Can I hear your review? | |
| It's a perfect movie for an eight-year-old girl. | ||
| That's my review. | ||
| Had she seen the original? | ||
| It's kind of scary. | ||
| She doesn't have to. | ||
| Here's the thing about watching Ghostbusters in its new form. | ||
| If the original didn't exist, it's kind of a fun movie. | ||
| It's stupid. | ||
| There's some giant leaps. | ||
| There's some kind of clunky writing, but there's also some funny shit. | ||
| There's some funny moments. | ||
| I heard it was all man-hating and it ends with... | ||
| Not all man-hating, but definitely a lot of man-hating. | ||
| There was definitely every dude in the movie was a dork. | ||
| But it's not... | ||
| The only one who was really unbelievable, that literally wasn't believable, was Chris Helmsworth. | ||
| The guy? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I heard he was awesome in that movie. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's really good. | |
| I heard he was awesome in it. | ||
| He's really funny. | ||
| But he's so stupid in the movie that it's unbelievable. | ||
| And these girls are constantly enamored with him, in love with him, but they can't believe how dumb he is. | ||
| That's sort of this running gag, to the point where it's almost ridiculous. | ||
| But, here's what I think. | ||
| I think if that bothers you, what kind of a bitch are you that's really bothering you? | ||
| That these women are shitting on men to the point where they're taking Chris Helmsworth and they're making him dumb? | ||
| Out of all the dumb bitches that have been in movies, can't we have one movie where there's three... | ||
| Not so good looking girls take over the fucking world and save everybody and have the dudes be all fucked up looking or a mess or crazy or Chris Helmsworth and Chris Helmsworth who's perfect and beautiful also like the dumbest human being that's ever walked the face of the planet and an actor showing his head shots like the whole deal you're like super cliche I never go to the movies anymore because of the problem I'm having with things like Ghostbusters, | ||
| though, and stuff where the hype doesn't live up to the movie. | ||
| The movie sucks so bad, I can't believe I popped up. | ||
| It didn't have to suck. | ||
| That was my point. | ||
| It didn't have to suck. | ||
| There was some funny shit in the movie. | ||
| I don't want to give away any parts of it, but there were some clever turns in the beginning of the movie where I laughed. | ||
| I was like, this is funny. | ||
| This is funny. | ||
| And I thought to myself, I was trying to watch that movie saying, if I saw this movie without having known about the first movie, what would I think about it? | ||
| Especially because I'm taking my kids, right? | ||
| It's a good movie to take kids to. | ||
| It's fun. | ||
| Silly. | ||
| It's kind of scary. | ||
| Like, whoa, but it's obviously really fake. | ||
| It wasn't that bad. | ||
| It wasn't the point where anybody would get mad. | ||
| The only reason why anybody got mad is because it's a redo of the original Ghostbusters and it's all women instead of all men. | ||
| Everybody got fucking terrified or angry or frustrated or pissed or these fucking social justice warriors. | ||
| My thought is who gives a fuck? | ||
| Is that really a concern that they've decided to try to make money by redoing Ghostbusters with chicks? | ||
| Like, isn't that an obvious thing? | ||
| I think the biggest concern for me lately with movies is the stories aren't there. | ||
| We're just looking at so much CGI and, like, tricks that then you really think about, like, holy shit, what the fuck was the plot of this movie? | ||
| Well, that was Ghostbusters. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Definitely. | ||
| There was definitely part of that. | ||
| There was also some really clunky writing. | ||
| There was something like... | ||
| With the point where you saw them in some scenes earlier and they were really fun and unexpected and light, fun kind of scenes. | ||
| Like, this movie's kind of fucking weird. | ||
| It's like... | ||
| It's not a bad movie. | ||
| And then you're like... | ||
| But it's kind of bad here. | ||
| This part's kind of bad. | ||
| It's not like a bunch of different movies It's not like if you go back and watch like pick a classic movie like if you go watch the outlaw Josie Wales The outlaw Josie Wales is the outlaw Josie Wales from minute one to the time of the end of the movie It doesn't vary in the way it feels. | ||
| It feels like the outlaw Josie Wales. | ||
| It's a beautiful work of art It's seamless In its production, like the way it portrays everything is the same through the whole movie and it builds up and it makes you feel like you're really engrossed and gripped in it. | ||
| This movie didn't do that. | ||
| This Ghostbusters movie would take you in and pull you away and take you, push you away from it. | ||
| It was like it would be so clunky at times. | ||
| You'd be like, what? | ||
| Is this the same movie that did that YouTube thing earlier that was so hilarious? | ||
| Is this the same movie? | ||
| How did this get through? | ||
| Did you guys just... | ||
| Who gave you notes? | ||
| Did you guys get shitty notes? | ||
| Like, what happened? | ||
| I want to know what happened. | ||
| Because, like, if that Ghostbuster movie came out... | ||
| And it was all chicks, but it was fucking bang and just hilarious. | ||
| Like, what is that movie that all the girls love that I haven't seen that's supposed to be hilarious? | ||
| Bridesmaids and something? | ||
| No, the Bad Mom? | ||
| No, that's a new one. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But there's an old one, something Bridesmaids. | ||
| Bridesmaids, yeah. | ||
| Kristen Wiig's in it too. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| That movie's supposed to be fucking hilarious. | ||
| I have not seen it. | ||
| But, like, a lot of people that have seen it that I respect as comedians have said, dude, that movie is fucking hilarious. | ||
| I think Burr might just put words in his mouth. | ||
| Maybe it was Joey Diaz. | ||
| Did you see this? | ||
| The new Independence Day? | ||
| Of course not. | ||
| Fuck that. | ||
| Of course not. | ||
| How long did that last? | ||
| Awful when I saw it. | ||
| How long did that last, the movie theater? | ||
| Oh, a day. | ||
| At least, I mean, it has to last at least a week. | ||
| America has spoken, Independence Day. | ||
| Enough. | ||
| Capital E dash nuff. | ||
| It's weird because I buy movies on iTunes now. | ||
| When it's not on Netflix and it's not on Hulu, I'd rather spend $10 and buy it on iTunes than go to a movie and spend $50 on everything. | ||
| So I buy a lot of movies now, and in so many movies that I've heard nothing but good things about this movie, I'm like, God damn it, I wasted $10 on that fucking piece of it. | ||
| Give me an example. | ||
| Did you like 10 Cloverfield Lane? | ||
| No, I haven't seen that, but that's one of the ones I'm about to buy. | ||
| Here's a problem. | ||
| I'm about to endorse it and recommend it to you, but you might hate it. | ||
| Some people hated it. | ||
| Did you see it in the theater? | ||
| No. | ||
| Saw it at home. | ||
| Do you like seeing movies in the theater? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| Or action movies, specifically? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Do you think that's important, to see them there, versus, like, at home? | ||
| Well, unless you're P-Diddly, and you've got some gigantic-ass fucking house with a movie theater in it, you're not going to get the same effect of the sound. | ||
| I think... | ||
| When someone is a composer, like, let's take, for example, like, certain movies that have amazing soundtracks, and, like, you hear things, like, happening behind you. | ||
| Like, the most recent Star Wars movie, the soundtrack was incredible. | ||
| And, like, there's a... | ||
|
unidentified
|
All these... | |
| There's all this shit going on. | ||
| It's part of the experience. | ||
| You're watching this giant ass fucking screen. | ||
| It's beautiful, crystal clear. | ||
| The sound is incredible. | ||
| It literally feels like it's coming from everywhere in the room. | ||
| You can't reproduce that at home. | ||
| So, in that case, I think that, yeah, for some kinds of movies, watching it in a movie theater is... | ||
| But how about a country with no country... | ||
| No Country for Old Men? | ||
| That's totally unnecessary to watch that movie in the movie theater. | ||
| You don't need to require that. | ||
| That's just not a big sound movie, though. | ||
| Sound is required and whatnot, but there's no big sound elements in it. | ||
| Right, it's also a movie that might be better if you absorb it by yourself. | ||
| You don't want to be influenced by anybody because it's such a movie that makes you think so much. | ||
| Like even the end of it, the end of it just sort of, I don't want to give it away, but it's a very strange ending, but it's one of the best movies I've ever seen. | ||
| But it's one of those movies where as you're watching it, you're like in gripped. | ||
| You're just, it takes you to this place. | ||
| And you don't want to be distracted in any way when you're dealing with this. | ||
| It's not doing anything you expect it to do. | ||
| It's doing all sorts of weird shit. | ||
| It's very different than a lot of movies. | ||
| In a lot of movies, they have this very specific formula that even if they get creative inside that formula, they still stick to the formula and the good guy wins in the end and all that stuff happens. | ||
| This movie is not like that at all. | ||
| No Country for Old Men. | ||
| It took me a couple of years to really appreciate what it was all about. | ||
| I saw it, I was like, God, the acting is so good, the story's so compelling, but what is missing in this thing? | ||
| What's missing is it's not tidy. | ||
| It's like this just spectacular work of drama, so much shit going on, and it just leaves you with this feeling of, whoa, at the end of it, you know? | ||
| And I think that, you know, movies like that, that's a rare accomplishment. | ||
| It's sort of like when we were talking about Michael Phelps being so incredible, it's something that everybody could do. | ||
| There's all kinds of movies that are awesome, and then every now and then you get a movie that makes you go, whoa. | ||
| Like a complete redefiner. | ||
| Super rare. | ||
| But when it happens... | ||
| When you hear the last five that aren't that, like... | ||
| Here's the last five I bought that sucked and everyone told me it was an amazing movie. | ||
| Inside Out. | ||
| Which is Inside Out. | ||
| Pixar movie. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Loved it. | |
| Wow. | ||
| Adorable. | ||
| My kids loved it. | ||
| I read stories to them every night. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Enjoyed it. | |
| Gosh, you liked it. | ||
| So you liked that movie? | ||
| I shut down my body's testosterone adapters and I sit in this seat as a daddy. | ||
| John Jones shit. | ||
| I live my life through... | ||
| How dare you? | ||
| How dare you? | ||
| How dare you mock him while he cries in Albuquerque? | ||
| And I enjoy it from their eyes. | ||
| They enjoy it. | ||
| You hang out with a six-year-old that you love dearly, a child that you... | ||
| No, for kids, I agree 100%. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's different. | |
| Definitely. | ||
| But if it was about myself, I'd be like, shut this stupid fucking shit off. | ||
| Yeah, the worst. | ||
| I have a theory that if you're on... | ||
| But it's not for you! | ||
| If you're on depression medicine, it's like the best movie ever and you'll cry. | ||
| I've heard people saying, I've cried five times in that movie. | ||
| With a kid, you might cry. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Another one, A Million Ways to Die in the West. | ||
| One of the worst piles of shit I've ever seen in my life. | ||
| Seth MacFarlane's movie where he's in the West. | ||
| Seth MacFarlane. | ||
| Family Guy Guy. | ||
| He made a movie? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Is he the actor? | ||
| Everyone told me that was great and fucking hated it. | ||
| Oh, another Seth Rogen movie. | ||
| Sometimes you get that top ten pussy and it could wreck your brain. | ||
| You start thinking, man, fuck cartoons. | ||
| somebody sling this dick in front of the camera. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's too smart. | |
| He's too much of a bad motherfucker. | ||
| Seth MacFarlane movie number two. | ||
| Came to bit him in his ass. | ||
| The night before. | ||
| The night before? | ||
| What's that? | ||
| Everyone told me that was a great movie. | ||
| I haven't heard of that. | ||
| It's a Seth MacFarlane movie that I forgot I bought that it was really horrible. | ||
| But that's the movie. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look at him. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Who's the girl? | ||
| She's hot. | ||
| Charlize Theron? | ||
| No, that's not Charlize Theron. | ||
| What's going on with her face? | ||
| That's not real. | ||
| That's a Photoshop poster a little bit, so... | ||
| Why would they do that? | ||
| You take one of the most beautiful women in the world and you alter her to make her look like some modern-day playmate? | ||
| That's so stupid. | ||
| That wasn't her. | ||
| That's Amanda Seyfried. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| Well, there you go, bitch. | ||
| Take that back. | ||
| There she is. | ||
| Goddammit! | ||
| No! | ||
| Come on, man. | ||
| That can't really be it. | ||
| 33% Rotten Tomatoes. | ||
| Someone didn't pay they bills. | ||
| Someone didn't pay they bills. | ||
| Rotten Tomatoes needs that paper. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ted 2. You want more than 33? | |
| Well, you know, we gotta talk. | ||
| We gotta have business lunch. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We'll have a business lunch! | |
| Rotten Tomatoes have turned into a gangster from New Jack City. | ||
| Show them your titties! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Show them your basement titties! | |
| We have a meeting, a business meeting. | ||
| I'll put it on my platinum card. | ||
| No, you'd have a black card. | ||
| If you're a real baller, you have a black card. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Baby, why don't you get a black card? | |
| I think it'd be cool if when my sister comes over and her fucking husband starts bragging about his business, you put out your black card. | ||
| Baby, a black card. | ||
| You know, it's a good movie for kids. | ||
| I think it's one of my favorite animated ones. | ||
| Zootopia. | ||
| I think he's like, I'm Seth motherfucking McFarlane. | ||
| I don't need a goddamn black card. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay? | |
| I like a regular card. | ||
| It's ironic. | ||
| I have a flip phone. | ||
| I drive a Mini Cooper. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm Seth fucking McFarlane. | |
| I made the Valley guy, you bitch! | ||
| How much success has that guy had? | ||
| He's great. | ||
| I like him. | ||
| He's awesome. | ||
| I met him. | ||
| He's a super good dude. | ||
| I was with you. | ||
| High times of words. | ||
| I met him twice. | ||
| That was, I don't know, I don't think we met him then, dude. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think we met Seth Rogen. | ||
| Oh, yeah, you're right. | ||
| It was Seth Rogen. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I met Seth MacFarlane at his place because I did a voice, like a Fear Factor voice on one of the shows. | ||
| It was American Dad, I think? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| He's a super nice guy. | ||
| Super nice guy. | ||
| He's laughing. | ||
| He goes, we just smoke pot and come up with funny shit. | ||
| He was super easy to get along with. | ||
| Really friendly. | ||
| I did the thing for them. | ||
| I said, thanks, man. | ||
| Really nice to meet you. | ||
| Super friendly and nice. | ||
| I was like, wow, that's cool. | ||
| A lot of times you meet these super genius characters. | ||
| They're awkward. | ||
| And you're like, I hope I don't... | ||
| Make this guy annoyed. | ||
| Here's some super genius guy that created some sitcom. | ||
| Try to be nice to him. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| You don't know what you're dealing with. | ||
| But Seth MacFarlane, I've met a lot of those guys. | ||
| Some of them were kind of odd. | ||
| Like Paul Simmons, the first guy that ever... | ||
| That was the guy who produced NewsRadio. | ||
| The first guy who gave me my big break in Hollywood. | ||
| The first time I met him, I'm like, this guy is way too smart and way too weird. | ||
| I don't want to piss him off because I want this job. | ||
| I don't even know what to say to this dude. | ||
| There's these certain super genius type characters, showrunner type dudes. | ||
| They're notoriously powerful figures. | ||
| Who's that guy that Charlie Sheen got into it with? | ||
| That was the sitcom creator? | ||
| What is that dude's name? | ||
| Chuck Lewis. | ||
| Yes, that guy is the Mac Daddy of those shows. | ||
| Like no one has run more of those fucking gigantic smash super 100 million billion dollar hits than that guy. | ||
| He sounds like a handsome person. | ||
| Well, he's just a he just knows how to do those kind of shows, you know? | ||
| Like he's a guy who's figured out like a frequency. | ||
| He's figured out like... | ||
| Yeah, he's got them all. | ||
| Shit, really? | ||
| Yeah, Two and a Half Men, Darman Gregg, Sybil, Grace Under Fire, Big Bang Theory, Mom... | ||
| Franny's turn. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What the fuck is that? | |
| What the fuck's Franny? | ||
| Since 1992? | ||
| What? | ||
| Well, he was learning. | ||
| He was learning. | ||
| Grace Under Fire was a big one. | ||
| There was a crazy rumor that I can't really talk about too much about Brett Butler from Grace Under Fire. | ||
| Oh, it's got the cool guy on the top left. | ||
| What's his face? | ||
| Taylor Negron, he died recently. | ||
| Oh, that's right. | ||
| He was a super nice guy. | ||
| Taylor Negron came up to me after one of my sets one night and was like one of the nicest compliments but also like really honest and And curious like we had like a really cool conversation was like this is like the least Hollywood conversation between two men that do the same business in Hollywood ever He was like super honest about like subject matter, | ||
| you know, we were talking about like Like he he said that he's always wondered like what should he talk about on stage and he's sometimes he's confined himself He was saying that he wondered or worried whether or not the audience would appreciate his own, the things that he thought were interesting. | ||
| So instead he was writing and talking about stuff that he thought that they would think would be interesting and that he was trying to change that. | ||
| So we had this really interesting talk about it. | ||
| But he died like really suddenly of like a weird disease, I think. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| What age? | ||
| What age? | ||
| Not that old, man. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Look up Taylor Negron. | ||
| Liver cancer. | ||
| He passed away January of last year. | ||
| How old was he? | ||
| 57. If I can hang in there 10 years, we got that cloning shit. | ||
| But you'd be sad 10 years from now. | ||
| Dude, 10 years is quick. | ||
| This summer fucking came and went so fast. | ||
| It's not even over yet. | ||
| What the fuck happened this summer? | ||
| It's August 11th. | ||
| It's fucking flying. | ||
| I refuse to believe that time is the same every day. | ||
| I refuse to believe. | ||
| I don't give a fuck about your watches. | ||
| I don't care about your quartz movements. | ||
| I don't care about your atomic clock. | ||
| I think it's moving faster. | ||
| I agree 100%. | ||
| I would bet anything on it. | ||
| It makes zero sense. | ||
| Let's all bet $5. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Since you say you'd bet everything on it, I'm putting you on the table, fella. | ||
| All right, what's the answer, Jamie? | ||
| I'm calling you to the carpet. | ||
| Tell us the answer, Jamie. | ||
| Time's moving faster. | ||
| One of the things that I was watching this thing on planets and about the expansion of the universe, and not only the expansion, but the fact that it's accelerating, it's moving apart faster and faster, and that they didn't know this 20 years ago. | ||
| And I was listening to this guy speak about it, and I remember thinking to myself, like, that is so crazy. | ||
| Like, that is a huge factor in our existence. | ||
| That this universe is not just static, but it's moving away, and it's accelerating in some sort of strange way. | ||
| And that they can measure it. | ||
| When they measure it over 10 or 20 years, it's a measurable number that allows them to discern, like, okay, we're positive that this thing is not just moving, but accelerating. | ||
| And this is our universe. | ||
| And they just figured that out 20 years ago. | ||
| Like, we're just waking up. | ||
| It's like we're on a starship, and we're flying through the universe. | ||
| We just came out of hyperspace. | ||
| And we're all like, okay, where are we going? | ||
| What is, what's, what is this? | ||
| Okay, does anybody have a manual? | ||
| Yeah, here's a manual. | ||
| We're gonna go look through the shit that the old people wrote down. | ||
| We literally are like exactly the same thing. | ||
| Like, we get taught by people who get taught by people who get taught by people who are basically monkeys. | ||
| You know? | ||
| This is like a few chains away from us and dudes with sticks trying to kill giraffes and shit. | ||
| There's not that many. | ||
| If you go back in time, like, numbers, what do you get, like, 20, 30 times? | ||
| And then you're in the caveman era? | ||
| That shit is not that far ago, man. | ||
| It's not that far ago. | ||
| So we're like waking up in the middle of like this trip. | ||
| This whole galaxy hurling through the universe, going a thousand miles an hour in a circle, flying around a huge nuclear explosion a million times bigger than it. | ||
| Just flying through the universe. | ||
| And we're waking up. | ||
| And we're going, what about gay marriage? | ||
| Fuck that. | ||
| Not on my watch, bro. | ||
| Okay, okay, okay. | ||
| What do you think about taxes? | ||
| Well, we need to revamp the entire tax system. | ||
| We need the IRS. And you've got to wear your powdered wig. | ||
| And meanwhile... | ||
| Flying through infinity and we're just realizing it. | ||
| We're just like, oh we're not not only is the Sun not the center of the universe, not only is the Earth not the center of the universe, but this galaxy is one of hundreds of billions. | ||
| There's untold numbers. | ||
| Not only that, but inside each galaxy is a supermassive black hole that's one half of one percent of the mass of the entire galaxy and if you go through that there might be an unlimited number of universes. | ||
| How the planets are lined up right now. | ||
| We're getting some sweet pictures from Mars. | ||
| Have you seen those? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, dude. | |
| You know what else I've seen? | ||
| Mad about you. | ||
| Chuck Lorre knocking it out of the park, making cash. | ||
| He's got a tube right to Thailand. | ||
| There's a tube, and he presses a green light, and the hottest young prostitute you've ever seen in your life goes through that tube. | ||
| This is not true. | ||
| That's Charlie Sheen. | ||
| I got confused. | ||
| Charlie Sheen would do that. | ||
| Charlie Sheen probably did that with his two and a half men money. | ||
| He's almost out of money, supposedly. | ||
| He's almost spent the last amount of money. | ||
| That's not true. | ||
| I just read that he's really hurting. | ||
| He's cutting this money up from his ex-wife. | ||
| He used to give her so much money every night, he cut it all off. | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| Yeah, I mean... | ||
| Well, he's got HIV and he does a lot of drugs. | ||
| Those are not good things to have together. | ||
| I mean, everybody was on his side when that whole thing went down with that Chuck Lorre guy. | ||
| That Chuck Lorre guy, he's real simple, man. | ||
| Money is tight. | ||
| I can't pay ridiculous child support. | ||
| Well, that might be a TMZ headline, by the way. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Rick Mueller, $55,000 a month. | |
| Wow, that's nice. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow, that's nice. | |
| Charlie had been raking in $613 a month just from his cut of two and a half men profits. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| $613,000 a month. | ||
| Ka-ching, bitch! | ||
| He recently had to sell those rights for a lump sum of $26,750,000. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He is suffering. | |
| That is a small pittance for a man of his esteem to live off. | ||
| First of all, how dare they? | ||
|
unidentified
|
How dare they only give him $26 million? | |
| He doesn't say what happened to the stash. | ||
| Charlie says he now averages $87,000 a month and last month got a relatively paltry $6,261. | ||
| He says he now can't keep up because his monthly expenses total $105,000 and $25,000 for healthcare expenses not covered by any insurance. | ||
| $25,000 a month for healthcare expenses? | ||
| Is that what you call your drug dealer, sir? | ||
| Allegedly. | ||
| Allegedly? | ||
| Maybe he's just got a fucking Michael Jackson type dude putting him to sleep at night. | ||
| Listen, that Michael Jackson dude. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That dude slipped. | |
| I ain't gonna slip, baby. | ||
| I got your back. | ||
| I'm gonna hold you. | ||
| I'm gonna be with you. | ||
| I'm gonna put you under. | ||
| Every night. | ||
| Different shit. | ||
| I got different shit. | ||
| The shit that Michael Jackson's doctor used, it was a good idea in theory. | ||
| Here's why it doesn't work in practice. | ||
| It doesn't allow you to go to heavy REM sleep. | ||
| My stuff does, okay? | ||
| What I'm gonna do is I'm gonna take you to the first... | ||
| I'm gonna drop you out of the alpha state into the beta state, and then you're like, okay, okay, okay, cool, cool. | ||
| I'm Charlie Cheen. | ||
| Look, I'd love to talk to you, but there's a fucking bowling ball bag filled with coke and five strippers in the other room. | ||
| I gotta go to work. | ||
| If you could guess a number, how many people do you think are being put to sleep? | ||
| Not daily, but like semi-daily or weekly that way. | ||
| Two! | ||
| Only two? | ||
| Two a day. | ||
| What? | ||
| Like thousands of people? | ||
| Hundreds of people? | ||
| No, like need... | ||
| Heavy sedation by maybe a doctor or something like that. | ||
| There's a lot. | ||
| I know several people that are really nice folks that need Ambien to go to bed. | ||
| Me too. | ||
| They're not drug addicts. | ||
| They work jobs that are very stressful. | ||
| They have very nice families. | ||
| There's nothing wrong with them. | ||
| They love that stuff. | ||
| Do you know it's mostly women though? | ||
| Ambien? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| I know it's just like every girl I know either is taking like over-the-counter like what's that stuff that's in good on it stuff new mood 5-HTP yeah no no the one that makes it tryptophan yeah like or they're taking that's supposed to make you relax yeah but everyone every girl I know is has something to help her sleep almost you know Consider what you just said, first of all. | ||
| Every girl I know. | ||
| Girls are hanging around with you. | ||
| That's what I tell them. | ||
| A lot of them are fucking crazy. | ||
| You need this. | ||
| And it ain't bad. | ||
| It ain't bad to be crazy. | ||
| We need everybody. | ||
| It's like that song. | ||
| It takes every kind of people. | ||
| But sleeping issues. | ||
| Seems really big. | ||
| Yeah, but you're dealing with a very biased study group. | ||
| Oh yeah, I know. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Some people sleep like babies, bro. | ||
| They can't wait to sleep. | ||
| But no guys. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't take it. | ||
| I've never taken sleeping pills. | ||
| Oh, I know guys. | ||
| Yeah, that's weird. | ||
| Well, you don't have like regular life jobs. | ||
| Yeah, true. | ||
| And I just pretty much go to sleep when I'm like, I should go to sleep now. | ||
| Yeah, I know guys with a lot of serious obligations that oftentimes will work 10 to 12 hours a day. | ||
| All the time. | ||
| Like, I have a good buddy of mine. | ||
| He needs it. | ||
| He works 10, 12 hours a day. | ||
| He has his own business. | ||
| And he's always working. | ||
| And he's fucking exhausted. | ||
| And sometimes he's like, uh, what about the account? | ||
| And what about this and that? | ||
| And he'll take an Ambien and pop off. | ||
| I feel like now all I have to do is just eat and I'll fall asleep. | ||
| I don't know what it means. | ||
| Like, last night I had chicken wings and I fell asleep within 20 minutes. | ||
| It means you're a man child. | ||
| Do you know about man-childs, Brian? | ||
| No, I mean, it's like... | ||
| I don't understand. | ||
|
unidentified
|
These people, I guess they have jobs and they don't sleep. | |
| Whatever. | ||
| I could sleep. | ||
| I don't get it. | ||
| Food does not give me energy. | ||
| It just makes me sleepy. | ||
| Well, it does, but it also robs you of resources. | ||
| It's really not a good idea to eat a lot of food before you go to bed because a lot of times your body starts digesting that food and it uses up resources, which you should go to bed. | ||
| You shouldn't be hungry, but there should be some time between when you eat and when you go to bed. | ||
| Allow your body to digest some food so that your body can adequately go into the many stages that it requires to really rebuild your system. | ||
| I mean, if I eat now, I'll fall asleep. | ||
| I know, but I'm just saying. | ||
| Like, it's not the smartest thing to do. | ||
| Like, everybody gets sleepy after they eat a lot, but it's really not the right thing to do. | ||
| The right thing to do, especially if you eat anything heavy carbs. | ||
| Bro science coming up. | ||
| Strap in! | ||
| Strap in for bro science! | ||
| Allegedly. | ||
| The spike in insulin that you get from taking in all those, if you eat pizza, you have a whole pizza to yourself. | ||
| It's late at night, you're like, fuck it. | ||
| I've eaten a whole pizza. | ||
| And we're all laughing, stoned, and we all order five pizzas. | ||
| That's not good. | ||
| It might be good for those 20 minutes while you're eating that pizza. | ||
| I'm saying if I have soup. | ||
|
unidentified
|
If I just have some light chicken soup, I'll fall asleep. | |
| Bitch, why are you lying? | ||
| You didn't have no soup. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I promise you. | |
| You're at Wendy's getting a double-double. | ||
| I love soup. | ||
| I do too. | ||
| Who doesn't love soup? | ||
| Soup is one of my favorites. | ||
| If you don't love soup, lose my number, bro. | ||
| It's great because my girlfriend is like a huge cooker, and so I just have to tell her what I want. | ||
| It's called a chef. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Don't say cooker. | ||
| A cooker is something you throw food in. | ||
| She's a crock pot. | ||
| I got this white bean soup that my mom used to make. | ||
| It was like a Midwest trash type thing. | ||
| You know the one with the white beans? | ||
| It's a little thicker like a chili and has bacon or ham in it. | ||
| It's so good. | ||
| My mom sent me her recipe and she cooked a bunch of it, but I ate almost the whole thing of soup. | ||
| Yeah, my mom used to make split pea soup with ham. | ||
| God damn it was good. | ||
| Split pea soup is not bad for you, unless you're a pig. | ||
| That's really bad for you. | ||
| Because you're on the menu. | ||
| You know, like split pea. | ||
| It sounds like, oh, what a wonderful dish. | ||
| It's organic. | ||
| It's vegetable-based. | ||
| Mmm, not so much, bitch. | ||
| There's actually a smoked-out, dead pig inside of that thing. | ||
| And you have to have the bone. | ||
| If you do it correctly, you're supposed to cook it with the ham hock. | ||
| It's been going around the internet. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| This piece of bacon with a nipple still attached to it. | ||
| Oh my god, that's not real. | ||
| No, it is real. | ||
| It is 100% real. | ||
| It's my pork belly more, but still. | ||
| Well, that's what bacon is. | ||
| Well, let me explain to you what bacon is, because if you don't know, because I didn't know until a couple years ago, bacon is this part of the pig. | ||
| It's the bottom half of a pig. | ||
| This is one of the reasons why bacon doesn't really exist on wild boars. | ||
| Like, I've only shot one wild pig, and they don't have any bacon, man. | ||
| They're out there hustling. | ||
| They're a different animal. | ||
| It doesn't look the same either. | ||
| I mean, I shot a pretty big one. | ||
| It was pretty well fed. | ||
| But their skin, their flesh, is not pink or white. | ||
| You know there's always pork, the other white meat? | ||
| It's not supposed to be white. | ||
| If they're out there eating acorns and ground nesting birds and all the stuff, they're not herbivores either. | ||
| Those things are omnivores. | ||
| They eat fucking everything. | ||
| There's a picture that I tweeted a few months back of a boar running away with a fawn in its mouth. | ||
| Like a small deer in its mouth. | ||
| And a lot of people were like, whoa, I did not know... | ||
| They eat babies? | ||
| They'll eat a deer? | ||
| Oh, they fucking eat your cat. | ||
| They'll eat your dog. | ||
| They'll eat everything. | ||
| And they'll eat you too, you fuck. | ||
| And apparently, every year, someone falls into a pen with pigs on a farm and gets jacked. | ||
| Look at this pig running off with his deer in its mouth. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yo! | ||
| That's dark. | ||
| Speaking of pigs and deer, did you see the cop shooting the deer video yet? | ||
| That's fucked up, man. | ||
| I did. | ||
| He shot it right in the head. | ||
| It's so stupid. | ||
| What? | ||
| It's so stupid. | ||
| And, you know, it was really callous. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That was brutal. | ||
| Well, I think... | ||
| Yeah, it was really callous, man. | ||
| It was weird. | ||
| I guess he had to do it, though. | ||
| I think that's what they said. | ||
| They said you have to shoot it. | ||
| I think he asked someone what to do, and I think they said put it down. | ||
| So, I mean, if you're going to put it down, the way he did it, even though it looked crazy because he did it in front of everybody, but the way he did it was the best way to do it. | ||
| Honestly... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Shooing? | |
| Here's the thing. | ||
| I mean, I don't know what they're gonna do with the body. | ||
| I would hope, hope, they give that meat to Hunters for the Hungry. | ||
| There's a program that's in America where hunters, like, say if you come over here to experience, like, the Midwest, Of the United States, like Iowa in particular, Kansas, a lot of these areas are famous all across the world for having these gigantic white-tailed deer. | ||
| And it becomes a thing, like white-tailed deer in the Midwest of the United States. | ||
| This is something I've only found out over the last few years, obviously, of me getting interested in hunting. | ||
| But white-tailed deer hunting, like people hear about it from Scotland, and they want to come over here. | ||
| People hear about it from China, and they want to come over here. | ||
| They want to experience what it's like to hunt white-tailed deer in Iowa. | ||
| It becomes like this thing. | ||
| And sometimes people from other places that don't live in Iowa, they'll put in tags. | ||
| And they'll put in tags over and over and over and over and over and over. | ||
| And finally they get one. | ||
| And they can go there and they can experience what it's like. | ||
| And then they can't bring the meat back to China or Australia. | ||
| They won't let you. | ||
| Like if you try to fly with a dead deer from the United States and fly it into Australia, they'll be like, fuck you. | ||
| Okay? | ||
| Fuck you. | ||
| You can't take a chance and go across the fucking ocean. | ||
| It's really funny. | ||
| Because if you go from Nevada to like Ohio, they're like, okay, what do you got in there? | ||
| Oh, I shot a deer. | ||
| Congratulations. | ||
| But you can't fly across water. | ||
| Oh, where are you going? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Where are you going? | |
| You're going across water! | ||
| It's very tricky. | ||
| Even if you try to bring an animal down from Canada, like into the United States. | ||
| Well, I mean, I'm talking about a dead animal. | ||
| You know, you're trying to bring a dead animal. | ||
| So it's one of those things where... | ||
| These people donate money, or they donate food. | ||
| So if they come over here and they want to experience, if they're a hunter from Australia and they want to experience what it's like to hunt in Iowa, they can donate money, or in the sense of they can donate food, rather, to a lot of hungry people. | ||
| If you shoot a 200-pound white-tailed deer, that's going to feed, that's going to be more than probably in the neighborhood of 150 meals. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| You can give that away to all these people that need it, you know, if you're from some other place. | ||
| I thought I recognized this when I saw the video. | ||
| Apparently this video is from 2013. This is like two and a half years old. | ||
| This is not a new thing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It just happened to be circulating again. | |
| Exactly. | ||
| See? | ||
| We don't care because it's three years old. | ||
| This is old shit. | ||
| This is the one that's going around from yesterday. | ||
| Yeah, I saw it. | ||
| This says also that the deer was believed to be injured and was going to harm motorists if they tried to shoo it away, which is why they didn't do that. | ||
| Oh, it was probably hit by a car. | ||
| It could have been hit by a car. | ||
| It also just could be on the way out. | ||
| I mean, that was a pretty big deer. | ||
| It could be on the way out. | ||
| It could have been shot by an arrow or a bullet. | ||
| Somebody could have wounded it. | ||
| Did you see the deer in the bear video? | ||
| What are you doing, Jamie? | ||
| Quake champions. | ||
| What are you trying to do, you fuck? | ||
| Jamie tried to use subliminal messages on me. | ||
| What Jamie tried to do just now is what they used to do in the old days with the movies. | ||
| Hungry, eat popcorn. | ||
| Did you see this, though? | ||
| Run it, Jamie. | ||
| Have you seen this yet? | ||
| It came out last week. | ||
| Quake Champions debut gameplay trailer. | ||
| Okay, let me wipe my hands dry. | ||
| Breathe. | ||
| Oh my god, look at the graphics. | ||
| Oh shit! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh my god. | |
| This looks perfect. | ||
| Oh my god! | ||
| Oh, this looks so awesome! | ||
| Holy shit! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh my god! | |
| Oh my god, this looks fun! | ||
| It looks... | ||
| It doesn't. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Pure speed. | ||
| Pure skill. | ||
| Pure FPS. You have to be a super dork to know what FPS is. | ||
| Frames per second. | ||
| That was an old Rocket Arena map that they were just playing on. | ||
| That's what a dork I am. | ||
| I know that map. | ||
| That last map. | ||
| That was an old map that we used to always play on. | ||
| I don't remember the map number. | ||
| That was an old map. | ||
| They definitely kept the feel and the look of the game, but updated the graphics. | ||
| I really liked how they stayed true to the original formula. | ||
| I hope they make it so you can't shut those graphics off. | ||
| This is why. | ||
| And people get mad at me. | ||
| Fuck, bro. | ||
|
unidentified
|
My fucking computer doesn't have good frames per second, bro. | |
| The problem is you're not playing the same game as the person who's seeing everything. | ||
| Like, it's easier to play. | ||
| Well, I take that back. | ||
| I support your decision to mute all the graphics, but I think you're kind of missing part of the fun. | ||
| Like when you play, maybe not. | ||
| Maybe I'm full of shit. | ||
| Here's why I'm full of shit. | ||
| Here's why I'm definitely full of shit. | ||
| I don't give a fuck about those walls. | ||
| Like it looks cool the first time you see it. | ||
| Right? | ||
| But what do you really want to do? | ||
| You want to shoot that fucking dude. | ||
| That's what I want to do. | ||
| If I shoot him in a perfectly muted environment where he's the only thing that I can aim at and everything else is like mauve. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| Tan. | ||
| Like, what's that? | ||
| What's a white people tan? | ||
| What would that be if you had a crayon? | ||
| White people tan? | ||
| Trumper? | ||
| Trump's not white. | ||
| It's like an orange. | ||
| Garfield. | ||
| People would get super mad if you ask them for a snow cone with nothing in it, and they gave them something the color of Trump. | ||
| Gross. | ||
| Like old mayonnaise. | ||
| Fachetta leather color. | ||
| Hmm, fachetta leather. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| Kaki? | ||
| Jamie hit his head today. | ||
| Jamie definitely hit his head today. | ||
| You're so weird. | ||
| Several times. | ||
| He's not making any sense. | ||
| He's been on TMZ too long, did he? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ah! | |
| Jokes, folks. | ||
| No bullying. | ||
| Relax. | ||
| Everybody relax. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Relax. | |
| What if you have a computer, though, that's so powerful that it doesn't matter if you have the graphics on or not? | ||
| The texters fuck the texters. | ||
| You can do it. | ||
| No, it doesn't change anything. | ||
| Yeah, but here's the thing. | ||
| Maybe that's old computers. | ||
| But it's not about that. | ||
| It used to be about some people used to like to run it. | ||
| There's two things going on. | ||
| One, some people like to run it with the graphics muted because their video card can't handle the frames per second required to run it at, like, high resolution with high frame rates. | ||
| The higher frame rates make things more smooth. | ||
| So if you get, they say the human eye can only see 30 frame rates a second, they need to update that. | ||
| I know for a fact they need to update that because there's, or at least maybe it doesn't apply, I should say, to video games. | ||
| Because there's something that happens in video games when it goes from 30 frames per second to 120 frames per second plus. | ||
| It becomes far smoother and when it's smoother there's less calculation as far as where that person is at any given time because even though your mind Can't really say, oh, I see where there's a bunch of frames that are rolling by, and that's giving me this illusion of movement, and it's all being calculated by a CPU. Your brain doesn't really totally get that, but there's some amount of data that's getting through when something's kind of clunky. | ||
| There's some amount of data that's getting through that, oh, this is not, I just got to figure out where that thing's going to be, but that thing, it's all like hickey, it's a hiccup-y thing. | ||
| When it gets to 120 frames per second, it's smooth as butter. | ||
| Then it starts looking like, okay, this is a cartoon. | ||
| Now I'm watching a cartoon. | ||
| A cartoon's smooth, right? | ||
| A cartoon doesn't have any herky-jerky stuff to it. | ||
| And this is like a super smooth cartoon. | ||
| Like some of the video games you play, like Unreal Tournament. | ||
| Remember Unreal Tournament when you get it to high resolutions and you hear the screams of the players and you hear the fucking laser beams shooting through the air. | ||
| It's crazy, right? | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| High frames per second. | ||
| It's very smooth It's really fun and interesting to watch and when that happens your mind doesn't have to calculate as much Because it it's more predictable. | ||
| It's like it's it's smoother. | ||
| It's more It's more pleasing to the eyes, but you're still dealing with all those textures So you're calculating whether you like it or not or even note or not every time you pass by some gothic Stone wall and there's moss on it. | ||
| It's amazing looking your mind is It either has to deny the existence of that or it has to calculate that into what its model of the world is. | ||
| So it's extra processing power. | ||
| It's unnecessary. | ||
| So if the walls were all, like, the best players, what they would do is they would turn all the textures off. | ||
| So they would only have this, like, weird, like, Tron world. | ||
| Like, if Tron blew a fuse... | ||
| And you're in this strange virtual environment where all the walls are flat and matte white, you know? | ||
| Yeah, it's something that I used to have to do just to play that game on my old computer. | ||
| But I think nowadays, though, I think for the most part, a game like this should probably run pretty perfectly on almost any computer. | ||
| See, this game right here has the shadows on, but it has the textures off. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Find one that has the shadows off too, because that happens too. | ||
| Some crazy fuckers, it might not be in Quake 3, which I think that is, or that's Quake Live, but in the older games, guys had gotten it down to almost nothing. | ||
| There was no shadow, there was no nothing. | ||
| Everything was like this weird artificial environment. | ||
| If you just write textures off, just like Quake 2, write Quake 2. Shadows off and textures off in Quake 2. It might be a hack, really. | ||
| It might not even necessarily be something that... | ||
| No, that was in the original settings. | ||
| I remember it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Was it? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Because it was all based on your graphics card. | ||
| A lot of graphics cards couldn't handle shadows and stuff like that. | ||
| Yeah, but also in competition, dudes figured out pretty early on that it'd be easier to hit people if they were the only things you were looking at. | ||
| Yeah, if I had to play competitively, I'd definitely shut everything off. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because it'll make you better. | ||
| Cheating. | ||
| It's just like cutting weight. | ||
| It's like cutting weight for video games. | ||
| Did you used to play the old Unreal maps? | ||
| Like the one in the bathroom where you're sitting on top of the toilet paper roll? | ||
| I missed that so much. | ||
| That was so fun. | ||
| Unreal was cool. | ||
| It was cool. | ||
| It was like fans of Quake made an awesome game. | ||
| That's what it was like, you know? | ||
| And it was cool because didn't we get to see Unreal Tournament before it even came out? | ||
| Yeah, we went to the studio. | ||
| I think it was Unreal. | ||
| Was it Unreal? | ||
| It was one of the Unreal releases. | ||
| I'm trying to remember which one. | ||
| That was the first time we met Cliffy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Cliffy's so normal. | ||
| He's great. | ||
| I love Cliff. | ||
| But you wouldn't think he'd be some super genius video game creator? | ||
| He seems like such a normal dude. | ||
| Yeah, totally. | ||
| You know? | ||
| His game, by the way, one of his games just hit iTunes, called Shadow Complex. | ||
| It's one of my favorite games, but now you can... | ||
| It's a phone game? | ||
| It's a computer game you get on Mac, and I think you could do it on a phone, too. | ||
| I just saw it the other day. | ||
| I'm not sure. | ||
| What is it? | ||
| It's like a side-scroller, old-school kind of... | ||
| Or you're figuring out puzzles and playing a shooting game. | ||
| You know, there's a game that's out that I just finished the other day. | ||
| It's one of the best video games I've ever played in my life. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Is this it right here? | |
| That's Shadow Complex. | ||
| Shadow Complex Remastered. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Is this Cleffy's new game? | ||
| That's one of his games that came out a couple years ago after he left, I believe, he left Epic. | ||
| Dude, I am so lucky I'm not a teenager today. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| Bullets are going underwater. | ||
| I would never get anything done. | ||
| I would get fucking nothing done. | ||
| I would have never gotten involved in martial arts. | ||
| Maybe I would have, but I might not have. | ||
| I might have just done this. | ||
| Goddamn, I might have had more fun. | ||
| You might have been good at Twitch then. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| It just seems so fucking compelling. | ||
| When you watch these video games today, they're so goddamn compelling. | ||
| There's this new game that I just finished that you can get for like 20 bucks right now. | ||
| It's Inside, right? | ||
| But it's one of the best experiences of a video game I've ever had in my life. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What is it? | |
| Just graphics. | ||
| It's like a puzzle kind of game. | ||
| It's a game where you try to figure shit out. | ||
| But the ending and the feel of the game. | ||
| This is it? | ||
| It's the feel of the game. | ||
| It's probably one of the best video games I've ever experienced in my life. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| And it's really hard. | ||
| Strong words, Brian Redman. | ||
| That was super cool. | ||
| I just played it, too. | ||
| Oh, yeah? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow, whoa, whoa. | |
| And... | ||
| It doesn't tell you how to play. | ||
| It's just moving and jumping, really. | ||
| You don't really need to... | ||
| There's no real strange controls, but... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, you just pulled that thing off the fucking boot! | |
| Saving the spoilers for anything that's in the game. | ||
| It's not that long to play. | ||
| You can get through in a couple hours if you're figuring it out, but it'll take you longer if you get stuck. | ||
| The ending is one of the most beautiful pieces or masterpieces of a video game I've ever seen in my life. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Beautiful. | ||
| Creepy beautiful. | ||
| This is cool to watch. | ||
| Yeah, it's really fun to watch. | ||
| God, look at the shadows. | ||
| My God. | ||
| And this isn't even that crazy of graphics. | ||
| It's done right. | ||
| Dude. | ||
| It's a good feeling. | ||
| Duncan Trussell has the Oculus Rift and he also has the Vive, the HTC Vive. | ||
| And he showed me this archery game the other day on the HTC Vive, and I'm like, I don't think I can have this in my house. | ||
| Yeah, you can. | ||
| No. | ||
| No, I don't think I can have this in my house. | ||
| So you should keep it in the studio here. | ||
| I don't think I can have it anywhere. | ||
| I would have a real problem. | ||
| I played that fucking archery game until my arms were shaking. | ||
| You're at the top of a castle, and these things are charging at you, and you're shooting at them from the top of the castle. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's... | |
| Super addictive. | ||
| Did he have a game called Quiver? | ||
| I just pulled this up when I was looking for Archery on the Vive. | ||
| He's got a gang of games, but this isn't the one that I played, or at least it's not the scene that I played. | ||
| There's a lot of games, but not good games. | ||
| Look at the graphics. | ||
| This looks like Nintendo 64. Graphics are not the best, but seriously, man, you're not gonna give a fuck when you're wearing those goddamn HTC Vive goggles. | ||
| It is the coolest shit in the world. | ||
| You should get together with Duncan, go to his house, do his podcast, and play the Vive before you do it. | ||
| You're gonna be blown away. | ||
| I have the cheap $30 one that you can buy where you put your Samsung phone in. | ||
| Yeah, don't do that. | ||
| This is the one I played. | ||
| This is the one I played. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| These motherfuckers, just VR archery. | ||
| You gotta shoot at these balloons. | ||
| How accurate? | ||
| It's fucking real accurate. | ||
| That's what's crazy. | ||
| You just gotta get a feel of which way it's going and how fast it's going. | ||
| See, it has a certain amount of frames per second. | ||
| Feet per second, rather. | ||
| So the arrow, you have to kind of lead them. | ||
| Like, if you know they're jumping, you have to figure out where they're gonna be when the arrow's getting there. | ||
| You know, if they're real close, it's easy. | ||
| Like, right there. | ||
| Bam! | ||
| It's easy. | ||
| He's right there. | ||
| But if they're moving, they're moving left or right, you kind of get a judgment. | ||
| See how this guy's doing that? | ||
| He's figuring it out. | ||
| He's leading them. | ||
| They're moving. | ||
| Bam! | ||
| They're running right into the arrows. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's great. | |
| That's what I figured out how to do after a while. | ||
| And that gets super addictive because it's really rewarding. | ||
| Because first of all, you don't feel guilty at all because they're not even people. | ||
| They're just total cartoon silhouettes with Viking helmets on and shields. | ||
| So you don't feel bad. | ||
| What happened here? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Same video. | ||
| Is that the same thing? | ||
| Is that what happens to the game? | ||
| Yeah, it must be a later level. | ||
| They give you a gun. | ||
| That's hilarious! | ||
| They're like, you're so good, you realize that it's stupid to have a bow and arrow. | ||
| Here, we'll give you a laser. | ||
| Oh, they give you a laser raider. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Later. | |
| Later, later. | ||
| Laser raider. | ||
| The Olympics right now are in this for Samsung devices. | ||
| They're in it? | ||
| Yeah, you can watch the Olympics in VR, like look around. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| Did you change, or did you try the porn though? | ||
| No, I did not. | ||
| The porn is what's going to really get you. | ||
| I was going to, but Duncan was too insistent that I do it, and I got nervous, and I got the fuck out of there. | ||
| I was like, you gotta relax, son. | ||
| You make me nervous. | ||
| You don't want to have a goggle on. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Dude, I'm telling you, you gotta watch the porn, man! | |
| I'll sit over here! | ||
| You won't even see me! | ||
| He wanted to look at your lips when you were watching. | ||
| He probably Snapchatted the whole thing while you were playing anyways. | ||
| The porn though really is something that changes everything. | ||
| Watching porn, you take it off and you're like, oh no, I felt closer to the girl than I thought I would. | ||
| That's going to save porn if this does catch on. | ||
| Well, maybe, because if they can monetize the HTC and the Oculus to the point where they can lock down the format, like the way they have the iPhone locked down, you can't add anything to the App Store unless Apple gives you approval. | ||
| If they can control it in that sort of same way, I'm not saying that's the best thing for everybody, because I kind of like the idea of open source things. | ||
| I use a Mac. | ||
| And I use it for convenience and because I'm too busy. | ||
| I ain't got time to fuck with some Windows shit. | ||
| But part of me likes the fact that Windows is open. | ||
| And I've heard that argument before. | ||
| I've had conversations with people before where they're like, look, anybody could write shit for Windows. | ||
| It's like you can make products that work on Windows. | ||
| You can make your own laptops. | ||
| You can put together your own desktops. | ||
| It's a much more open sort of a platform. | ||
| Then Mac is because Mac is the software developer and the hardware developer. | ||
| The good thing about that is everything works pretty fucking good. | ||
| Like you get a laptop from Apple, you're pretty fucking sure it's gonna work awesome. | ||
| Except mine died this week. | ||
| What happened? | ||
| Just stopped working. | ||
| We've had every fucking computer dies. | ||
| Yeah, I know. | ||
| Windows even, right? | ||
| They all die. | ||
| What's my point? | ||
| My point is... | ||
| I don't have a point. | ||
| If I had a point, it would be that... | ||
| Taking it and monetizing the applications that you would use for the HTC Vive or Oculus only makes sense. | ||
| I think what we're going to see, though, is especially when the Xbox and the PlayStation release their VR counterpoints, I think that's when it's really going to become an everyday thing. | ||
| And I think it's going to hurt the... | ||
| These kind of guys, like the HTCs and the Oculus people, a lot. | ||
| Because I think it's going to be like computer games, and then, oh hey, this is an Xbox, you know? | ||
| That kind of killed PC gaming a lot, in a lot of ways. | ||
| I think there's going to be a lot of copyright lawsuits for sure, because they're going to have to figure out who invented the critical aspects for truly immersive virtual reality. | ||
| What critical aspects are there? | ||
| Have they identified them? | ||
| Who invented those? | ||
| Because those are huge. | ||
| You know, if one guy figured out a way to make the frame rates incredibly smooth, so there's no ability to discern when you're moving left or right, whether you're moving fast or slow. | ||
| If one guy wrote some sort of a program or figured out something to do, I would imagine, and I'm not a lawyer, obviously, but I would imagine there'd be some sort of a case for that. | ||
| Like, all these trolls, patent trolls, that Apple gets hit with all the time. | ||
| Like, I would imagine that it's going to be crazy when it comes to this stuff. | ||
| Yeah, unless it's already been licensed out. | ||
| It could be just some old guy going, give me $2 million a year, you're good. | ||
| Brian's idea of commerce is an episode or one of the Back to the Future movies. | ||
| It might be one guy. | ||
| He pulls up in a DeLorean and he needs some plutonium. | ||
| This guy just happens to have it. | ||
| I think next year is when Xbox is releasing theirs. | ||
| I think PlayStation is coming out this year, maybe. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Well, I don't think you can patent virtual reality. | ||
| I mean, Lawnmower Man was, what was that, 1992? | ||
| What year was Lawnmower Man? | ||
| Find that out. | ||
| Let's guess. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I would guess 1994. 94. 95? | |
| I say 92. 92? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Woo! | |
| March 6, 1992. By the way, complete total guess. | ||
| I had no idea I was right. | ||
| Okay, but Total Recall is also a virtual reality movie, right? | ||
| I should re-watch it. | ||
| No, Running Man. | ||
| Oh, that's terrible. | ||
| Horrible. | ||
| That did not last. | ||
| This is a raper of your childhood. | ||
| I'm telling you, people were stupid as fuck back when we were kids. | ||
| We didn't realize how dumb we were until we watched our old movies. | ||
| Was it? | ||
| It was 1990 for Total Recall. | ||
| 1990. Interesting. | ||
| Even earlier. | ||
| So those are virtual reality movies. | ||
| So it's not like virtual reality. | ||
| It's like some thing that someone invented. | ||
| It's really like a hope and a dream. | ||
| It's an oasis in a desert. | ||
| It's like everybody who lives a shitbag life is hoping there's got to be some way that I can be Superman. | ||
| Total Recall wasn't technically virtual reality. | ||
| It was false memories being implanted in your brain. | ||
| Stranger Days. | ||
| That's why he was living now. | ||
| Stranger Days. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| But that reality is kind of virtual. | ||
| It's creating an artificial memory. | ||
| No, you're totally right. | ||
| It was an artificial memory movie. | ||
| Yeah, Strange Days was a virtual reality movie. | ||
| But there's been a few others, right? | ||
| There's been a few others. | ||
| But what do you think was the big one? | ||
| What's the biggest one? | ||
| Virtual reality movie? | ||
| The Matrix? | ||
| The Matrix, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, of course, right? | ||
| I didn't even think of that. | ||
| Yeah, that's the biggest. | ||
| So, like, I don't think anybody could come along and say they invented virtual reality. | ||
| Like, that's sort of like a... | ||
| It's like a horn blowing in the distance that we all knew was coming. | ||
| And it's not even... | ||
| Even if you look at video games, you can say video games are virtual reality, just very bad versions of them. | ||
| You know, like Super Mario Brothers. | ||
| That's a virtual reality of a plumber. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| What is this? | ||
| Virtual reality is coming to your movie theater near you? | ||
| Extends. | ||
| I've heard a lot of people talk about this. | ||
| It's a pretty cool movie. | ||
| I don't think I've ever seen it. | ||
| I haven't even heard of it. | ||
| It came out in 1999. I think Jude Law's in it. | ||
| That's the name of a boner pill. | ||
| Jennifer Jason Leigh. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| I don't know, I can't speak on it, but I've heard a lot of people say that it was like an under-the-radar kind of good movie. | ||
| It came out in 1999, which is the same year The Matrix came out, which is probably why no one heard about it. | ||
| Huh. | ||
| Is it supposed to be good? | ||
| Three and a half stars? | ||
| Is that three and a quarter stars or three and a half? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Rotten Tomatoes, 71. Fucking Rotten Tomatoes. | |
| Star Search. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We have uncovered an empire of lies. | |
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| Maybe the corporation realizes the benefit is in telling the truth. | ||
| The way to make the money is not to Create bad reviews or fake reviews. | ||
| The money is in being brutally honest and reaping the rewards of people coming to read these really cunty reviews. | ||
| That's why I get my news and information from only hashtags nowadays. | ||
| Oh, that's a good move. | ||
| Do you do that? | ||
| Every time there's a helicopter in Burbank, I'm like, hashtag Burbank. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm like, what's going on? | |
| This is what I do every morning when I wake up. | ||
| I go, hashtag apocalypse. | ||
| I see what's the most recent post, and then I go back to sleep. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I go outside and shoot my rubber elk. | ||
| It's more fast than accurate, though. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's usually one guy going, dude, there's a helicopter down on the street. | |
| Well, there's definitely some shit going down in these, like, if you follow, like, Social media news feeds, like people that are on the scene that are talking about some cop shooting some kid or something like that. | ||
| I mean, that's one of the best ways to get some data. | ||
| The question is the veracity of the data, like whether or not it's... | ||
| God damn, I sound like a professor. | ||
| I need to apply for a job somewhere. | ||
| Teaching. | ||
| The veracity of the data must come into question. | ||
| The biases of the person. | ||
| Did you go to their Twitter page? | ||
| What are they into? | ||
| How many Noam Chomsky books have they read? | ||
| Are you sure they're right? | ||
| You never know. | ||
| But you can find out some shit's going down. | ||
| There's a video of the Dallas shootout between the guy and the cops. | ||
| The former military guy who killed all those fucking cops. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Woo! | |
| That's a tough video to watch, man. | ||
| There's this one scene. | ||
| I think it was him that did it or someone else who shot someone else. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Here's all I saw. | ||
| A person was running down the street and a person and these two people involved in a gunfight and one guy shot behind the guy and hit the wall behind them and then used that as a distraction to run in front of him and shoot him when he's laying down. | ||
| I was like, wow. | ||
| I was like, that guy has done this before. | ||
| Video games. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah! | |
| I hate to say it, but it really is video games, guys. | ||
| Well, in this case, if it's the same guy who killed all those people, it's a guy who was in war in the first place. | ||
| So he'd actually play the ultimate video game. | ||
| He's playing actual war. | ||
| But these school shootings and stuff, man. | ||
| Do you remember that Call of Duty when you walk into the airport and you just mow down people? | ||
| Like, you just pretty much go into LAX with a machine gun and just start spraying everybody. | ||
| That alone... | ||
| I remember even playing it going... | ||
| I can't believe my eyes and brain are seeing this right now. | ||
| And I've played so many video games before that I've gone outside and forgot that I'm not in that video game still. | ||
| This is crazy. | ||
| So they gun down all the people? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh shit! | ||
| And you're just walking through the airport doing this. | ||
| You're finding people hiding in stores and shit. | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh my god, this is so not good for your brain. | ||
| I know! | ||
| And so you saw that Trump supporter suction cup Michael, er, swimmer guy. | ||
| See, I'm all in favor of video games, and I don't even have a problem with quake-like violence. | ||
| But this is fucked up because this is murder. | ||
| You're just running around assassinating average moms and dads and brothers and sisters. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, this is a video game where you're deriving pleasure from gunning people down. | ||
| Like, why would you... | ||
| And this is available to buy at Target. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It is? | |
| Yeah, this is just Call of Duty, like, two years ago. | ||
| This is insane. | ||
| And look at this guy's walking through the fucking Starbucks. | ||
| Yeah, the bookstore. | ||
| So is this a choice he's making to just gun down civilians? | ||
| You don't have to do this in the game. | ||
| We'll still go through it. | ||
| Everyone else will shoot for you instead, basically. | ||
| So you can just decide to be a killer. | ||
| And guess what you're going to do, Joe? | ||
| You are actually going to not... | ||
| You're going to actually shoot people. | ||
| Because I've played this and I'm like, this is horrible! | ||
| Why am I doing that? | ||
| And I was like, even people hiding. | ||
| Please, no! | ||
| I'll talk to them. | ||
| I'm like, yeah? | ||
| You're hiding, boy? | ||
| And then you'd shoot him? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| In Grand Theft Auto, I do the same shit, man. | ||
| It's ridiculous. | ||
| It's like, why am I doing this? | ||
| In Grand Theft Auto, it's a lot more fucked up. | ||
| It started with the hooker giving a blowjob and then killing her when Grand Theft Auto first came out. | ||
| Do you have to kill her? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| No, you should just give her money, let her go about her way, and thank her. | ||
| Some people kill her? | ||
| Oh, I kill them every time. | ||
| Get my money back. | ||
| If you kill the hooker, you get your money back? | ||
| Yeah, and if she has any extra money. | ||
| Oh my god, dude, that's so crazy. | ||
| But like in Grand Theft Auto, I don't even play the missions. | ||
| I'll just go to the gun store get as much as I possible possibly can I have like this one part where I hide on this Like second floor of this house and I pretty much or the comedy store hanging out the commie store And I pretty much just put it down grenades and bombs and blow up until there's so many cars It's just a pile of meat on Sunset Boulevard and it's it's great fun yeah, but that's It is fucked up that you could be a monster. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And with no consequences. | ||
| I guess in my head, I just have to say that they're all rapists or something. | ||
| But here's the problem. | ||
| At what point in time is this going to become... | ||
| Like, way more disturbing because it's going to be virtual. | ||
| Like, this is not virtual yet. | ||
| It's just you're looking at a screen. | ||
| Have you seen the virtual version of this yet? | ||
| But you're very aware that it's not real, right? | ||
| Like, at what point in time are you going to be not aware that it's not real? | ||
| You're going to throw a grenade at this guy, really? | ||
| I tell you... | ||
| Yeah, oh yeah. | ||
| I strapped like sticky bombs onto people. | ||
| But it's gotten to the point where I used to play games, not this game, but City of Heroes, this like dorky game, but I played it straight for a month, like every single hour of the day a long time ago. | ||
| Oh shit, he chose a broken bottle. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, Jesus Christ. | ||
| You should see what I do in the strip club. | ||
| I catch it on fire and I just burn strippers, man. | ||
| I put my bike in the front door so they can't escape. | ||
| It's great. | ||
|
unidentified
|
This is crazy, man. | |
| Oh my god, he just stabbed that guy. | ||
| This is so fucked up. | ||
| He's stabbing him in the ass with a broken bottle. | ||
| Oh, Jesus Christ. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| Look at his butthole. | ||
| Look, his butthole's bleeding. | ||
|
unidentified
|
This is so fucked up. | |
| You know what, man? | ||
| Tipper Gore was right. | ||
| She saw the future. | ||
| She was trying to stop rap lyrics. | ||
| This is ultimately what was down the road. | ||
| Al Gore's wife. | ||
| A lot of people don't remember that. | ||
| Al Gore's wife in the 1980s went on a crusade against violent music and violent lyrics and rap. | ||
| And she was hated. | ||
| It's really interesting. | ||
| And she just shut the fuck up when he was running for president. | ||
| Wait, wasn't she against two live crew? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| She was against a bunch of them. | ||
| I think it was Ice-T had an issue with her. | ||
| Let's get naked and fucked tonight. | ||
| That was one of his jams. | ||
| That was a joint, a nice iced tea joint. | ||
| She used, I think, Purple Rain, which is what she used to lead, that ended up with the parental advisory sticker. | ||
| She used that as her example. | ||
| It might have been that or something else I'm reading. | ||
| Sorry, I lost it. | ||
| I'm telling you we've got to take Jamie right to a doctor. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whatever doctor you're going to, you're going to take Jamie to that doctor. | |
| Maybe it's working with me gives you head injuries. | ||
| Prince gave us parental guidance. | ||
| What if we find that out? | ||
| You're allergic to me. | ||
| You have like some black mold in your asshole or something. | ||
| You're just allergic to my smell. | ||
| Yo, dude, here's some crazy shit. | ||
| Did you know that, like, if someone's allergic to horses, they can't even ride in a carriage behind a horse? | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I was thinking of this. | ||
| You know, women, some women, are literally allergic to their man's cum. | ||
| Like, the guy shoots loads on them, they get rashes on their body. | ||
| Like, what? | ||
| Like... | ||
|
unidentified
|
It burns! | |
| Like literally some demonic shit, man. | ||
| Like a guy shoots a load on you and like carves his name, takes his load and writes it with his finger and just leaves it there dry. | ||
| And you have the mark of the demon on your stomach. | ||
| Is that because of food? | ||
| Allergies that maybe that's inside to come maybe? | ||
| Maybe she's allergic to peanuts and he just eats nonstop peanuts? | ||
| That is a very good question. | ||
| It's probably something like that. | ||
| It could be. | ||
| I wonder if there's a reason. | ||
| Jamie, research that. | ||
| Find out what makes cum allergenic. | ||
| And feel free to deduct any research from your taxes. | ||
| I know, like, some girls, like, the pH balance is just totally different from you or whatever, and they break out or they swall. | ||
| This is saying she was diagnosed with human seminal plasma hypersensitivity, an allergy to semen. | ||
| The problem with guessing that... | ||
| Is we don't know how many different people came on her. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And whether or not it all had the same effect. | |
| What's the P-Ratio? | ||
| We need to do a double-blind, placebo-controlled, not gangbang, but like, what would it be if a bunch of dudes just jerked off on a girl? | ||
| Circle jerk. | ||
| Circle jerk? | ||
| There's a little pee and cum, right? | ||
| Circle jerk involves a cracker, though, no? | ||
| Like an official circle jerk? | ||
| That's like a sloppy biscuit that Bert was telling us about. | ||
| Chrysler loves that shit. | ||
| See, I always thought that a circle jerk involved just a bunch of dudes jerking off together, which was weird enough. | ||
| Then I heard that the last guy to cum has to eat the cracker. | ||
| I went, what kind of a fucking world are we inventing here? | ||
| Why do you think Bert's so fat from all those crackers, his cum crackers? | ||
| No, he's fat from all the booze to forget the cum cracker. | ||
| The cum cracker, I mean, unless it has a billion calories in it. | ||
| It was a long time ago. | ||
| I heard Tom's been working out, drinking a lot of water. | ||
| He's looking healthy. | ||
| So you're on Burt is Fat? | ||
| You're on Team Burt is Fat versus Team Tom is Fat? | ||
| I'm not going against my own moms. | ||
| I heard Tom's the water champ. | ||
| Yeah, Tom is the water champ. | ||
| Christina never drinks water. | ||
| They don't drink water? | ||
| Do you know they take a shower together all the time and Tom pees on her? | ||
| What? | ||
| Would she be saying this on the internet? | ||
| They talked about it, I think. | ||
| Well, I would do that too if I was a married comedian. | ||
| They told a crazy story I never heard Joey Diaz told about on their show about him shitting in the shower. | ||
| Oh, Jesus Christ. | ||
| Push it through? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Throw it in the toilet and shit. | |
| Joey Diaz did that? | ||
| I believe that. | ||
| He'd shit on his own wall a couple years ago. | ||
| He had to stop because he got caught by his wife. | ||
| He got caught. | ||
| Joey Diaz is a straight savage. | ||
| Blue belt. | ||
| He's a savage. | ||
| Yeah, he got his blue belt in jiu-jitsu. | ||
| Legitimate blue belt in Brazilian jiu-jitsu. | ||
| He's been doing Brazilian jiu-jitsu for, I believe, four or five years now. | ||
| Damn. | ||
| Joey's been really into it. | ||
| It's helped him. | ||
| I don't want to get that wrong, so if I got that number wrong, but if I guessed it, I think it would be four or five years. | ||
| But he really loves it. | ||
| He loves it for fitness, for health. | ||
| He's super humble about it, but he does it all the time. | ||
| I bet you every single person he goes against taps out. | ||
| He's going to have his black belt in like two months. | ||
| He's like, the smell! | ||
|
unidentified
|
The smell? | |
| What are you saying? | ||
| Smells? | ||
| Think about these things before you say them. | ||
| Remember his joke about climbing up the stairs, you'll see Martians? | ||
| Yeah, he used to do this joke about, you want to see UFOs walk behind me when I'm farting up a flight of stairs? | ||
| You'll see Martians? | ||
| He has no tolerance for nonsense. | ||
| If Eddie Bravo starts talking about UFOs or anything like crazy crypto fucking zoology type shit or whatever Eddie's into recently, Joey will fucking get up and leave the room. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Joe Rogan, I don't want to listen to your fucking UFO talk, okay? | |
| I know you had that show with Duncan. | ||
| You went looking for Bigfoot. | ||
| Leave him in the fucking forest, okay? | ||
| We're eating like gentlemen. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He used to call Duncan Satanic that Satan worshipper. | |
| Do you remember? | ||
| There's a fucking... | ||
| Remember when Anton LaVey or Stanton LaVey, whichever one it was, the young guy, got married, and Duncan performed at his wedding. | ||
| Dancing. | ||
| And he invited a bunch of us to go to his wedding. | ||
| So we went to his wedding, and Duncan was involved with this, like, Satanic, fake, Satanic wedding. | ||
| And Dane Foley's ex-wife was there, too. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And Satanic Duncan. | ||
| Yeah, because he had this routine that he used to do. | ||
| I don't know if he still does it anymore. | ||
| That's him talking on his phone. | ||
| What does he say? | ||
| Give me some volume. | ||
| You can play this full screen, too. | ||
| It's Joey. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Duncan Trussell. | |
| We're going to have a little talk, you and I. Sit down. | ||
| What's this fucking devil shit I'm hearing? | ||
| Everybody's telling me you're a devil worshipper. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Duncan, we can't have that. | |
| We can't have that. | ||
| You understand me? | ||
| You're a comedian. | ||
| No more of this devil shit. | ||
| People are scared. | ||
| I got it from four different people, not even Joe's people. | ||
| I got it from one of Joe's friends, but everybody else at the store is saying the devil, you're walking around with a fucking crucifix on your head and shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
This is getting... | |
| That you put a little fucking tattoo on your skull with 666 that you're calling yourself Duncan. | ||
|
unidentified
|
This is getting... | |
| Duncan, we can't have this no more. | ||
| You understand me? | ||
| If we have to kill a little homo, we'll kill him. | ||
| Little homo. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We can't have this. | |
| You're a legit cat. | ||
| You're a Catholic. | ||
| Were you raised Catholic? | ||
| What were you raised? | ||
| Alright, then be fucking proud. | ||
| No more of this devil shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We can't have this. | |
| You're scaring people. | ||
| These people are white people in LA. You're scaring them, bro. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They want to call the authorities and shit. | |
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| His eyes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
His eyes. | |
| Please, cut this. | ||
| I heard, uh, what's his name? | ||
| By the way, hide to the moon right now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What's the fact guy at the store? | |
| The guy who does the creepy show. | ||
| On a flip phone. | ||
| Wants to call the cops. | ||
| This is at the Atlanta punchline. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bro, he's called. | |
| I got... | ||
| Before people called the house and left messages, they're worried about Duncan Trussell. | ||
| This shit has to end, Duncan. | ||
| This ain't a game, Duncan. | ||
| They take kids like you, they buttfuck you, and they put the Satan cross up your ass, and then, you know what I'm saying? | ||
|
unidentified
|
You can't come back from that. | |
| You can't recover from that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
that i'm not fucking laughing here and i remember going when at that time of that period of time like me and | |
| duncan i would always go to like his friend's house that guy and you'd be in these houses and it was like people that believed in Satan, maybe not seriously or anything, but I remember going, wow, Duncan is in some deep shit, right? | ||
| But to Duncan, it was always, I think, a joke, but it was, we were hanging out with really intense people, you know? | ||
| Yeah, super intense. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, well, Duncan's into intense humans and intense ideas, and for a while he was really attracted to this idea, not of Satanism in that Satan is an actual being and that the devil is real and that you're praying to the devil, but Satanism in that these people are essentially hedonists. | ||
| They were just seeking pleasure and trying to have as much fun as they could, but they were also allowing other people to do it, too. | ||
| So he was redefining what Satanism is. | ||
| I'm like, well, if that's... | ||
| Okay, that's the problem with all ideologies. | ||
| You're locked into If you want to call it Satanism, and it's all, hey man, just be free, just have a good time, and, you know, just fucking do whatever feels good. | ||
| Terrible, don't get a president. | ||
| But there's a big difference between that in and of itself, which is an awesome idea, right? | ||
| Like, everybody agrees. | ||
| Like, you should, yeah, have fun, man, we're only here for a little bit of time. | ||
| If you like getting your toes sucked... | ||
| Fucking get your toes sucked. | ||
| Who cares? | ||
| Right? | ||
| But there is a big fucking difference between that and something that's connected to a demon. | ||
| It's connected to a fallen angel who became a devil, who lives in a smoldering inferno in the middle of the earth, and if he gets a hold of you and you don't listen to God, you will burn to the end of time. | ||
| What? | ||
| What are you, retarded? | ||
| Why does it have to be connected to that? | ||
| Why is, like, good feeling and having a good time and pleasure and being a... | ||
| a ho-bag? | ||
| If that's what you're into, if you're a girl, you're, like, wearing dental floss up your ass and going out to bars and sucking three dicks, who cares? | ||
| Right? | ||
| Why does it have to be connected to the devil? | ||
| Because that's a sin. | ||
| All those are sins, dude. | ||
| Enough, Brian Redman! | ||
| I forsake thee! | ||
| Enough. | ||
| Enough with these fucking sins. | ||
| One last little thing I want to show you, Joe. | ||
| Have you seen this new game? | ||
| Maybe or may not have. | ||
| It's called No Man's Sky. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| So what's really interesting about it is, as far as I understand, I've been trying to figure it out. | ||
| It's an unexplored space. | ||
| And there's something like 10 billion planets that are being populated in this multiplayer universe. | ||
| And as a player, what you're supposed to do is go and explore and find species and planets. | ||
| Hold on. | ||
| Did you say 10 billion planets? | ||
| Yeah, in the first 24 hours or two days this was up, they've already named more species in this game than there are on Earth. | ||
| It's all computer generated, so when you play the game, it automatically generates a planet. | ||
| So it's just random shit. | ||
| Yeah, I get that, but what the fuck? | ||
| Say that again? | ||
| There's more species in this game in how many days? | ||
| I'll look up that article that says it. | ||
| It's more than... | ||
| More species... | ||
| But, you know, the reviews of this game is pretty boring. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| It's a little slower of a game. | ||
| It's not like a first-person shooter. | ||
| It's not that typical kind of game, but it's supposedly a truly open universe, and the game just came out this week. | ||
| A lot of people have been really anticipating it for the last couple months. | ||
| So is this game, it says truly open universe, so is this game constantly inventing itself on the fly? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Sort of like real... | ||
| Dude, do you have any idea what it's going to be like when that's on the HTC Vive and we're not in 2016 but when they're in 2067? | ||
| We're living in another world, man. | ||
| For instance, in one night we hit 10 million species discovered in MMS. That's more than has been discovered on Earth. | ||
| What is going on? | ||
| It is a testament to how amazing our network coders are that discoveries are still working at all. | ||
| This is yesterday. | ||
| We're already in a simulation, Joe. | ||
| It is for them. | ||
| You know, it's like, that's a simulation. | ||
| I mean, it's not the best one, but it's like taking a Motorola StarTAC. | ||
| If someone says, do you have a cell phone? | ||
| You're like, yes, I do. | ||
| And you pull out a Motorola StarTAC. | ||
| They're like, that's not a fucking cell phone. | ||
| But it is. | ||
| It's just not a good one. | ||
| Like, are we already in the simulation? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, it's already happened. | ||
| It's just not good yet. | ||
| You kind of know it's there. | ||
| But it's definitely a simulation. | ||
| And it's getting way weirder. | ||
| It's getting way weirder. | ||
| I feel like when I pay attention to the news and I pay attention to the internet and I just, like, step back and look at this crazy Trump-Clinton race and I look at This is bizarre strange world that we find ourselves sort of like waking up in. | ||
| I can only imagine how fucking weird it's gonna be in a decade. | ||
| I can only imagine. | ||
| We should really consider getting water and shelter and figuring out how to get solar power. | ||
| This could really fall apart. | ||
| That guy in Virginia, they took away his land. | ||
| What guy? | ||
| I think it was Virginia. | ||
| They took away his land because he... | ||
| It was off the grid. | ||
| He did everything off the grid. | ||
| So he was not paying any city utility at all. | ||
| And they didn't like it, so they just took his land away from him. | ||
| Which guy is this? | ||
| If you Google it, it was on the news. | ||
| Virginia homeowner fighting to keep property from being taken away by eminent domain. | ||
| Yeah, I think that's it. | ||
| Eminent domain is different. | ||
| That's from February. | ||
| That's old shit, bro. | ||
| Just too new. | ||
| Eminent domain is scary. | ||
| Because eminent domain is like if they're trying to put a highway through something, they can just buy your house. | ||
| You have to move. | ||
| You know, like you see those houses that are like on the side of the 405? | ||
| They're doomed. | ||
| They're doomed. | ||
| They're gonna spread that bitch. | ||
| You can't keep all these fucking people together. | ||
| It's just not working. | ||
| There's too many of us. | ||
| Unless everybody gets automatic cars, there's no more accidents. | ||
| And even then, we're going to realize what a bottleneck just the sheer volume of humans there are. | ||
| I'm pretty sure that's what's going to happen. | ||
| Even China just released their first new bus that cars can go underneath the bus. | ||
| I don't know if you've seen that, where it looks like this, and then the middle looks like you're going through a bridge or a tunnel. | ||
| So cars can drive through it, and the top part is the bus part. | ||
| And so things like that. | ||
| Wow. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jesus. | |
| See, there it is. | ||
| Yeah, I saw that. | ||
| It's like a train more than a bus, right? | ||
| Because it's on tracks? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But things like that, I think, are going to improve a lot. | ||
| I mean, imagine if that was just a non-continuous... | ||
| How many retards are going to be playing Pokemon and slam into your fucking train, knock it over on a traffic? | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The problem is when you have that and things that are like regular cars that are driving the same road together, if you go under someone, you're almost like in contact with them. | ||
| So if you get in an accident while you're under there, Guys will change lanes while they're underneath those buses, and they'll collide into each other, and they'll fucking spin the bus out of control. | ||
| It'll go off the rails. | ||
| It'll crash into other people. | ||
| The Pope will die in a horrible crash on the 405 in Los Angeles. | ||
| The best Pope we've ever had was lost to this ridiculous policy of public transportation. | ||
| Los Angeles has always been an individual transportation city. | ||
|
unidentified
|
People love their cars. | |
| They love to be by themselves. | ||
| I'm looking at this article, I found out this might not even be real. | ||
| Like this thing obviously exists, it's a real thing, but this exact one they showed last week or whenever this came out was the same, whatever train bus you want to call it, they showed in a test that they used six years before this, and it was only on like a 300 meter piece of land, and now this says if this project is even feasible or if it's even real. | ||
| They were just road testing it. | ||
| I read it as if they're just seeing if this would work, like testing. | ||
| Well, it makes sense. | ||
| I mean, it makes sense to have something like that, but if people can judge whether or not they... | ||
| If it's a car, it's one thing. | ||
| If a guy's hitting the brakes and turning the wheel and all that stuff, it's one thing. | ||
| Or if a bus, same kind of thing. | ||
| But as soon as people interact with trains... | ||
| I have a problem with that because one of them is super steady and static or moves at the same sort of speeds and it doesn't vary that much. | ||
| You just hit the brakes and do a bunch of things that people's cars do and the other one does. | ||
| So the one that does, the one that's real mobile, the person-driven car is going to figure out how to time that train. | ||
| They're going to take some chances. | ||
| If they're all running through the same road together and they're cutting each other off and It's going to be some assholes. | ||
| It doesn't seem like it's going to work as good. | ||
| People are going to text. | ||
| They're going to slam into that thing. | ||
| It's just weird. | ||
| You can't have a train and a car in the same place. | ||
| It seems about as real as Hyperloop maybe is right now. | ||
| Yeah, well that's sort of real. | ||
| At least everything that is real now, it was a whisper at one time. | ||
| So Hyperloop is real in the sense that no one's ridden on it yet, but that's moving. | ||
| There's movement in that direction. | ||
| There's concepts. | ||
| There's engineers working. | ||
| There's design. | ||
| There's all sorts of different people involved in technology. | ||
| They're being consulted. | ||
| They're trying to figure out how to make that actually come to light. | ||
| So that is real. | ||
| It's in the embryonic stages. | ||
| That fucking thing's gonna happen, man. | ||
| We're gonna be able to jet across the whole country in like an hour. | ||
| You know what that's gonna feel like, dude? | ||
| I'm gonna shit my pants. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm going to shit my pants. | |
| Regular plane goes, what, 500 miles an hour? | ||
| Okay, let's go 2,000 miles an hour. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| So you get to the other side of the country in an hour and a half. | ||
| And you just pin to your seat. | ||
| Try to get up to go to the bathroom. | ||
| It's like, good luck. | ||
| A deer crosses it and it derails. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Boom! | |
| If a deer crosses it, the front end of it is built like a sword. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It just slices through the deer. | ||
| Right. | ||
| That's what they should have. | ||
| They should have, like, the front of the thing should be, like... | ||
| Like, you know those things that you, when you cut an onion, you drop it down like slice or like an egg, like a hard-boiled egg? | ||
| You know those things? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Slice? | |
| Egg slicer. | ||
| That's what the front of the train should be. | ||
| It should just be razor-sharp swords that if you're so retarded you want to step out or you want to push your cow in front of the train just to make a YouTube video, it just gets exploded instantaneously. | ||
| It just gets sliced through and turned into mush. | ||
| They pretty much have that already in the design when it's usually like a V or an Illuminati triangle, you know? | ||
| Yeah, which brings us back to that cop shooting that deer. | ||
| If that deer got eaten by a bunch of hungry people, I don't have nearly as much of a problem. | ||
| I thought you were going to say the deer was in the Illuminati. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, the deer is a Zionist. | |
| The deer, what the deer wants to do is stop the white Christian from prophylate. | ||
| That's why deer exist in mostly, primarily white Christian towns. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Go to Brooklyn, find yourself a deer. | |
| Good luck. | ||
| Good luck. | ||
| Go by Cantor's Deli in Los Angeles and find yourself a deer. | ||
| Good luck. | ||
| Where you find Jews, you do not find deer. | ||
| But where you find good Christian folk, the Jews have made sure the deer grow and take over and suicide bomb your automobile. | ||
| If you're fine with that, that's on you. | ||
| But me, I want a Mad Max bumper from my Pinto. | ||
| Mad Max. | ||
| When you go to like places like South Dakota, any of those places where there's a lot of deer, I think, would you say Michigan is the worst? | ||
| Do you want me to say Michigan? | ||
| We went over the country like how many different people get in car accidents with deer every year and I think Michigan was fucking insane, like more than a hundred thousand people get in car accidents a year with deer. | ||
| Well, to be honest, people... | ||
| Alabama's the worst? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| What are they at? | ||
| 1 in 127. Wow. | ||
| 1 in 127 car accidents involves a deer? | ||
| Chance of collision, it says. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| That's a 1% chance, essentially. | ||
| That's like, if you drive 100 times, one time you're going to kick a fucking deer. | ||
| You know how crazy that is? | ||
| If you drive a hundred times, how many times have you driven a hundred times? | ||
| Michigan's a little, oh, there's a couple even higher. | ||
| Mississippi is the highest? | ||
| Michigan is one in 94. Wow. | ||
| Minnesota's. | ||
| They're not good drivers up there. | ||
| If you drive 94 times, but it doesn't matter if it's a deer on the road. | ||
| Why is that deer on the fucking road? | ||
| Mississippi's one in 84. Oh my God. | ||
| And then Montana's one in 175. Pennsylvania, one in 71. And then the top one. | ||
| I was in Montana recently. | ||
| Every fucking person up there has a battering ram welded to the front of their truck. | ||
| West Virginia. | ||
| One in 39. Oh my god! | ||
| Oh my god! | ||
| Sorry, go ahead. | ||
| I was in Michigan like a year ago and we drove down to do shows in like Michigan to Columbus, Ohio to whatever. | ||
| But the drive from Michigan to Columbus, there was so many dead deer on the side of the road. | ||
| Like, every half mile, there was just dead bodies and blood. | ||
| It was just guts and blood and deer everywhere. | ||
| It was really disgusting how many dead deer there were. | ||
| There's a lot, and there's rules of whether or not you can eat it. | ||
| If you get there right after the accident, I think you can call the cops in some states, and they'll let you take the deer home and eat it, which is nice. | ||
| I mean, if somebody leaves it behind... | ||
| Look, if you're a person that's poor, and you run across a deer that just got hit by a car, that's like 100 pounds of meat. | ||
| That's like 100 meals. | ||
| I mean, that's amazing for your family. | ||
| You can all... | ||
| So there's a lot of people that get excited about roadkill, but the real problem is it kills, I think it kills 200 people a year in this country. | ||
| Is that the number? | ||
| I think it's 200 people a year in this country alone die from collisions with deer. | ||
| 200 times more than weed. | ||
| Well, it's 2 million car accidents or 1.5 million car accidents in this country every year with deer. | ||
| 1.5 million. | ||
| And I think the number of people that die is like 200. Does that make sense? | ||
| But, either way, 1.5 million I'm 100% sure of. | ||
| Yeah, it says it leads to about 200 human deaths and 1.1 billion dollars in property damage every year. | ||
| Well, I've seen the property damage thing. | ||
| What about the deer's life? | ||
| Is that not worth money? | ||
| You son of a bitch. | ||
| Oh, you put money on life! | ||
| I'm a killer. | ||
| I turned into a werewolf. | ||
| That bear video that I think you posted the other day. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| That's so fucked up. | ||
| Not good. | ||
| That makes me want to buy a gun just for that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Not good. | ||
| There's a lot of not good lately. | ||
| Did you see the mountain lion one? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Where the mountain lion was following the guy around, trying to figure out whether or not he should jack him? | ||
| So not good. | ||
| Big-ass old cat. | ||
| It's a big fucking cat. | ||
| And it's looking at him. | ||
| I don't know if it's an old cat, but, I mean, it's a mature cat. | ||
| It's a big cat. | ||
| Did he do what he should have done in that situation? | ||
| You kind of walked away, and I thought you're not supposed to. | ||
| You're not supposed to walk back, but you have to be careful in challenging it. | ||
| You're not supposed to look at it in the eyes, because it might instill a primal rage in that fucking murderous predator, where it just decides to fuck you up. | ||
| It's hard to say what you're supposed to do and what you're not supposed to do, because I've heard people say that you should talk loud, and I've heard people say that you should just walk away. | ||
| Jiggle your car keys. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, I don't think you can predict. | ||
| Just like you can't predict, like, a regular cat. | ||
| How many people have different kind of cats? | ||
| Like, you have different cats than I have. | ||
| We all have different cats. | ||
| And I've had a bunch of the same kind of cats, and they behave different. | ||
| All fucking animals are different, man. | ||
| You can run across one wolf that wants to fuck you up, and you can come across another wolf that doesn't want to have anything to do with you, wants to stay in the background and move away from you. | ||
| So it's entirely possible that this guy just ran across a cat that was thinking about eating a person. | ||
| Would he have been able to kill this and have been okay? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Self-defense. | ||
| Yeah, if he had a weapon, but I don't think he had a weapon. | ||
| I don't think he had anything. | ||
| Like this, this isn't okay. | ||
| He couldn't have just killed it because it's near him? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| You would have to make a judgment call, and you would have to be able to support that judgment call. | ||
| Like, if someone was out there, right? | ||
| Say if you were a bow hunter, and you're having to stare down with this mountain lion. | ||
| You have to be absolutely sure that you've exhausted all of the possibilities. | ||
| But there's a fine line, right? | ||
| There's like, you want to be able to preserve your own life. | ||
| You want to make sure that you're okay. | ||
| But you also want to, if you're going to kill this thing, you want to be right about it. | ||
| So you have to figure out when you hit that switch. | ||
| So do you hold on to the arrow and do you hold your bow in front of that cat? | ||
| Like right there, I've got to be honest with you. | ||
| I might shoot that fucking cat. | ||
| That cat is 15 feet away from him, and this guy got away with it, but he didn't have to. | ||
| Now the cat's moving in on him at 15 feet away. | ||
| The problem is, once this thing jumps on you, you don't have a fucking chance. | ||
| And once it realizes how weak you really are, because you look way bigger than it, you're standing right there, that cat's dead. | ||
| Right there, broadside, that's 15 feet away from him. | ||
| I'm drawing an arrow back, and I'm getting rid of that cat. | ||
| I can't take that chance. | ||
| I'm not gonna die. | ||
| I'm not gonna die because I don't want it to die. | ||
| I don't want to kill it, but I don't want it to kill me, for fuck sure. | ||
| And this is an animal that is absolutely stalking a person. | ||
| It's trying to figure out whether or not it can do it. | ||
| Now, in this guy's case, he got lucky. | ||
| He talked enough. | ||
| Maybe he was a bigger guy. | ||
| Maybe the cat just didn't feel like it was worth it. | ||
| I would have been throwing rocks. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| Maybe the rocks would make it charge. | ||
| You don't know, man. | ||
| You don't know. | ||
| That's the problem. | ||
| Like, someone can tell you if a... | ||
| The general rule of thumb is if a bear attacks you, play dead. | ||
| But if a cougar attacks you, fight back. | ||
| Where was his, by the way? | ||
| I think he was on his bike, so he had his bike in between him. | ||
| So maybe he could use it as like a little shield or something. | ||
| Fuck yeah, I'd be taking those tires off. | ||
| I'd beat that fucking thing to death. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'd be scared as fuck right here, too. | ||
| This guy is so cool about this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Unbelievable. | |
| There's a mountain lion. | ||
| Right here. | ||
| I mean, folks, for people listening, it's on a trail. | ||
| This thing is 15 feet in front of him, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right in front of me. | |
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| That's 15 feet in front of him, right? | ||
| I mean, maybe 20? | ||
| At least he has his helmet on. | ||
| Whatever. | ||
| That thing's biting your face off. | ||
| This is a nice time to own a gun. | ||
| Right here is nice. | ||
| You go... | ||
| Oh, hey, man. | ||
| Hey, man. | ||
| Check this out. | ||
| Boom! | ||
| Fuck you! | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know what I would've done if I was- If you have a gun, you shoot at the ground. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| You just go, BITCH! Oh, he's moving towards it. | ||
| It's cute, though. | ||
| I'm not afraid of you. | ||
| I might- The thing's backing up. | ||
| I might, BITCH! WHAT THE MUTTER ARE YOU DOING AROUND HERE?! I might go crazy and see if I could scare him off here. | ||
| Yeah, that's probably what I would be doing. | ||
| I'd be screaming at it more. | ||
| You'd be dead. | ||
| Most likely, let's be honest. | ||
| You'd be wheezing. | ||
| Delicious. | ||
| If you lit a cigarette up, maybe he'd run away. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Dude, I would use fire. | ||
| Cigarette smoking. | ||
| I would probably do that. | ||
| I'd probably, like, if I had my lighter, I'd light my shirt on fire or something like that. | ||
| There was an old man in Canada just a couple of years ago who killed one with a knife. | ||
| He got attacked by a mountain lion. | ||
| He was 60 years old. | ||
| He's fighting it off and cut its neck. | ||
| Fighting to the death with a monster. | ||
| Jumps at him, claws ahold of him. | ||
| I think mountain lions, just for the record, I think mountain lions are fucking awesome. | ||
| I'm a big fan of mountain lions. | ||
| There's a lot of the people that are animal rights activists that might hear this and say, what about the person? | ||
| The person shouldn't be there. | ||
| That's the lion's home. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The person's in the lion's home. | |
| Let's be honest, folks. | ||
| There's people that are beautiful. | ||
| They produce poetry. | ||
| They write songs. | ||
| They make movies. | ||
| They love you. | ||
| They take you out to dinner. | ||
| They're your friend. | ||
| You can count on them. | ||
| They offer emotional support. | ||
| Mountain Lions don't give you any of that shit. | ||
| So when it comes to... | ||
| I don't know why I said poetry. | ||
| I agree with everything I said up to poetry. | ||
| But it comes to who do I like more? | ||
| Mountain Lion or that guy on a bike? | ||
| I don't even know that guy on a bike. | ||
| I love him. | ||
| Give him a hug. | ||
| I'd shoot that fucking thing if I was nearby. | ||
| Creepy-ass predator cat. | ||
| It would be cool to have a full simulation. | ||
| Like, you could be like, alright, I want to see what happens if I went up to it as if it was a normal cat. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like, hickity-hickity. | |
| Kind of like grizzly man style. | ||
| You'd just see a red screen. | ||
| Yeah, but if you could try everything. | ||
| Like, alright, now I'm ready to try throwing my shoe. | ||
| It'd be like a lawnmower hit your face. | ||
| Just spray all over the screen. | ||
| I just wonder if there was that kind of calming approach or anything. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| No. | ||
| What are you, the grizzly man? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hey Mr. Chocolate. | |
| Hey Mr. Chocolate. | ||
| It's gonna be okay. | ||
| Hey Mr. Chocolate. | ||
| I remember there's a scene in the Grizzly Man where the bear took a shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And he's like, this came out of her butt. | |
| This came out of her butt. | ||
| It's so warm. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm touching. | |
| I feel like I'm touching inside of her. | ||
| It came out of her butt. | ||
| So he had his hands on bear shit. | ||
| I wish there could be a sequel to that movie so bad. | ||
| Like Bob Ross could play it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Here's the thing. | |
| There wasn't a sequel, but that guy made, I think... | ||
| More than a hundred hours of footage. | ||
| He had an entire show that they did on one of the reality TV channels where it was a Grizzly Man show where it was like they edited a lot of his lost footage and it was really fascinating. | ||
| Because as misguided as this guy was, he was definitely misguided. | ||
| And he definitely had some issues, for sure. | ||
| He really did love bears, and he was really passionate about bears, and he was passionate about describing various aspects of their behavior, and it was really interesting. | ||
| And he got some fucking badass footage, man. | ||
| He got some incredible footage, like really close-up footage of bears fighting. | ||
| He got footage of bears coming right up to him and literally sniffing his hand and running away. | ||
| He got footage of wild foxes becoming his friend, like hanging around his camp and he would feed them and hang out with them. | ||
| They'd steal his hat. | ||
| He got amazing footage. | ||
| So if you look at the guy as just like a wildlife photographer, He's like one of the greatest of all time, in a way. | ||
| Because what he did was something that nobody was willing to do. | ||
| Go full screen on this motherfucker. | ||
| I can't put this on YouTube, by the way. | ||
| Right, of course, of course, of course, of course. | ||
| This is, if you haven't seen this, this is two bears. | ||
| I think we did commentary on this during Ice House Chronicles, because I was talking about his jiu-jitsu. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, that's right. | |
| I was like, he's got very good jiu-jitsu. | ||
| Like, the way the big bear on top is passing. | ||
| The guy on the bottom is trying to work the guard. | ||
| He's putting feet on the hips. | ||
| But the big bear is using pressure. | ||
| He's like an old-school, like, Salo Hiberro, like, fucking rock-solid jiu-jitsu. | ||
| Like, this is what I'm looking at here. | ||
| I'm pooping. | ||
| Oh, yeah, they shit. | ||
| They shit while they're going to war. | ||
| But this is very much like jiu-jitsu in a lot of ways, man. | ||
| When I'm watching this, this is like... | ||
| Rafael Lovato. | ||
| This is like that kind of jujitsu, like super strong, real technical pressure, power. | ||
| They get on top of you and they put the fucking clamp down on you and you're dead. | ||
| Like this bear is kind of doing that, but the bottom bear got up. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| He's game. | ||
| He's not as big, but he's game. | ||
| They go to war. | ||
| The guy on the left is considerably smaller. | ||
| See how much smaller he is? | ||
| The one on the right is literally 25% larger. | ||
| But the guy on the bottom is not giving up. | ||
| It's like, Marcelo Garcia, Rico Rodriguez. | ||
| You motherfuckers don't even know. | ||
| You see that video of a wrestler versus a bodybuilder? | ||
| It's the same kind of thing where the bodybuilder is super huge. | ||
| A wrestler versus a bodybuilder? | ||
| There's a jiu-jitsu one that's Pedro Sauer versus a bodybuilder. | ||
| Oh, maybe that's it? | ||
| Well, Pedro Sauer, I think... | ||
| Look up this. | ||
| Pedro Sauer, S-A-U-E-R, versus... | ||
| Bodybuilder. | ||
| And I think the dude was like, I want to say he was like 240 pounds and Pedro Sauer was like 150. Yeah. | ||
| And he got in this like street fight with this guy in a gym. | ||
| And this is back in the day when like the Gracie challenges were going on and shit like that. | ||
| This is the guy. | ||
| He's fucking jacked. | ||
| And Pedro Sauer, I believe is Hicks and Gracie lineage. | ||
| I apologize if I'm wrong. | ||
| But either way, he's a super respected... | ||
| I know he's Gracie. | ||
| He's got a Gracie Gi on. | ||
| Super respected jiu-jitsu instructor and competitor. | ||
| So he's got this giant bodybuilder in front of him, and he's front leg side kicking him in the thigh. | ||
| This is so old school. | ||
| I wish I knew what year this was. | ||
| But he keeps hitting him with this front leg side kicking him in the thigh. | ||
| He's way smaller than this guy. | ||
| And the bodybuilder has yet to move. | ||
| Now he tries to make his move, and he throws a punch. | ||
| But it ain't working. | ||
| And Pedro Sauer starts jacking him with punches, and so the guy takes him down. | ||
| So now when the guy takes him down, Pedro Sauer immediately sweeps him, mounts on him, and the dude rolled him over at least one time, but Pedro didn't really take any damage. | ||
| You see how good a real, legit Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu practitioner Is at protecting himself, and then especially the fact that he's wearing a gi, which is even better. | ||
| Because he can really, even though the other guy is bare-chested, if Pedro's wearing a gi, he can control the guy because it's all, it's grippy. | ||
| You know, the gi allows you to hold on to a big fucking sweaty gorilla like this guy. | ||
| So he eventually catches homeboy in an armbar. | ||
| This is not the same video I saw, but it's the same pretty much idea. | ||
| I want to say this is like 95 or something like that. | ||
| So he's holding on to the dude. | ||
| What does it say? | ||
| What does it say? | ||
| That guy was 92, Mr. Utah, so I thought it was a 92. Well, Pedro Sauer, I think he's in Utah. | ||
| I think he's a Salt Lake City guy. | ||
| I'm pretty sure. | ||
| I might be wrong. | ||
| But either way, Pedro Sauer is super respected. | ||
| Very high-level jiu-jitsu instructor. | ||
| A lot of blood here, man. | ||
| Who's got the blood? | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| Armbar, son. | ||
| I think he made that dude's fucking nose explode before he armbarred him. | ||
| Is that guy's face a bloody mess? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, there it is. | ||
| That's the blood. | ||
| Yeah, he punched him in the nose and choked the shit out of him and then took his arm. | ||
| Old school son! | ||
| But the difference in strength there and size is pretty substantial. | ||
| What did you see? | ||
| Mine was one of those Facebook videos like, guess who wins when you're a pro wrestler versus a bodybuilder? | ||
| And the bodybuilder was just this huge monster bodybuilder and the wrestler just had no problem just throwing him on the ground constantly. | ||
| It was just wrestling. | ||
| It wasn't MMA. Was it a pro wrestler? | ||
| You said pro wrestler? | ||
| Was it just like a guy? | ||
| No, like a pro wrestler. | ||
| Not a pro wrestler, like a professional wrestler. | ||
| Oh, like someone who's an expert. | ||
| Expert, yeah. | ||
| Expert, yeah. | ||
| Pro wrestlers used to be real wrestlers. | ||
| Not that they're not now. | ||
| Now they're more real entertainers, but they can wrestle. | ||
| Obviously Brock Lesnar can wrestle. | ||
| But the original days of pro wrestling, it wasn't fake. | ||
| It is the weirdest thing that is the only sport that's a sport in the fucking Olympics, but in the professional world, it's fake. | ||
| And when I say fake, I don't mean it disrespectfully. | ||
| I know I joked around about pro wrestling and a lot of pro wrestling fans get super butt hurt. | ||
| Listen, I absolutely respect the athletes and their abilities and what they're doing. | ||
| I like to fuck with Tony Hinchcliffe, folks. | ||
| Okay? | ||
| It's fun. | ||
| He loves wrestling a little too much. | ||
| And if you got burned along with that, I'm so sorry. | ||
| But my honest feelings about pro wrestling is it disturbs me. | ||
| That guys who are so good and women who are so good at wrestling don't have a professional venue for it where wrestling is so exciting on an amateur level. | ||
| Whereas tennis players have massive opportunities. | ||
| Everybody else has massive opportunities. | ||
| I mean, I guess swimming doesn't. | ||
| But a lot of big time sports have these huge opportunities. | ||
| But what swimming doesn't have is amateur swimming and then fake swimming. | ||
| Where they're rolling out like, he's got jello! | ||
| He got the Jell-O, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Michael Phelps is doing the world record in Jell-O! I like this. | |
| We'd have Mauro Ranello, and he would have Elton John sunglasses on and a fucking Chuck Liddell mohawk, and he'd be doing the pro wrestling version of swimming. | ||
| We're going to go pro swimming. | ||
| Yeah, Nick fucking, what's his name, the guy who runs pro wrestling? | ||
| Vince McMahon. | ||
| Vince McMahon, he puts a fucking bandana on his neck, and he has one of those Mark Spitz mustaches. | ||
| This is his new look. | ||
| And he just talks about pro swimming. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We're taking pro swimming the same place we took pro wrestling! | |
| Michael Phelps is like, fuck, man. | ||
| You know, I love Wheaties as much as the next guy, but I'm tired. | ||
| I'm tired of just living off sponsors. | ||
| I gotta watch what I do. | ||
| I can't smoke weed. | ||
| This is bullshit. | ||
| Why don't I have a professional venue? | ||
| Hey, man, if fucking golf is in the Olympics and golfers make millions of dollars, everybody got damn swims. | ||
| You all know how to swim. | ||
| Didn't you race your cousin when you were a kid? | ||
| We all know how to swim, right? | ||
| Okay, let's make pro swimming. | ||
| Let's do this. | ||
| It gets together. | ||
| With Vince McMahon, they have pro swimming. | ||
| That's a good idea. | ||
| Like there's hoops that they have to swim through. | ||
| You guys don't even care. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I like it. | |
| ESPN launches new WWE vertical. | ||
| What? | ||
| What does that mean? | ||
| What's a vertical? | ||
| They're going to start covering WWE. Are you hard right now? | ||
| No, I'm just like... | ||
| You're chubby? | ||
|
unidentified
|
You woke? | |
| Why would a legitimate sports thing be starting to do that then? | ||
| Because then we need money. | ||
| I know, it's entertainment, but like... | ||
| Well, apparently, these shows are doing not so good because of the internet. | ||
| Because of the different... | ||
| Like if you're talking about like where you get your news and your entertainment and your coverage of different sports, a lot of people are turning to the internet. | ||
| Say if you had a studio, okay? | ||
| And you had a studio in Hollywood and you said, hey, you know what? | ||
| I enjoy the UFC coverage. | ||
| I enjoy Bellator's coverage. | ||
| I enjoy all these different mixed martial arts, but I want to do my own news show and I'm just gonna put it on YouTube and I'm gonna hire Dean Thomas. | ||
| It's essentially what Dana White's done with that Looking for a Fight show. | ||
| What if someone comes along and says, I'm going to do that with Cowboy Cerrone, some fun, colorful characters, and I'm going to have them talk about fights every week. | ||
| Who's going to watch the ESPN show? | ||
| If you can watch Brian Stan, Dominic Cerrone, or Donald Cerrone, and Dominic Cruz talk about fights. | ||
| Who the fuck is going to watch anything else? | ||
| I want to hear what they have to say. | ||
| I want to hear what Donald has to say about Conor McGregor. | ||
| I want to hear what Dominic Cruz has to say about Cody Garbrandt. | ||
| I want to hear what these super influential fighters Who are like some of the most interesting characters in the world, I have to say. | ||
| You're not going to be able to recreate that with some talking head that used to cover women's volleyball and now he's covering MMA. And you know, last night, blah blah blah, Amanda Nunes became the fourth... | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know, he doesn't give a fuck. | |
| He doesn't give a fuck. | ||
| He doesn't care. | ||
| You would watch the internet show, right? | ||
| So if the internet show was available on your TV... What's ESPN going to do? | ||
| That's coming, man. | ||
| That's coming. | ||
| Bill Burr is going to have a fucking football show on ESPN. And everybody better shut their mouth. | ||
| Because if Bill Burr has any... | ||
| If he does what he does on his podcast... | ||
| I don't even follow the NFL. But when he starts making fun of people in the NFL and talking about fans and stuff on his podcast, it's hilarious. | ||
| If someone wises up and gives Bill Burr some sort of a platform, a gigantic platform reviewing football... | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Everybody else is done. | ||
| They're all done. | ||
| Because he knows his shit, too. | ||
| Like, Bill Burr understands football. | ||
| Like, when I listen to him, I'm like, oh, this guy's not just a comedian talking shit about stuff. | ||
| He actually understands football. | ||
| I can listen to him talk about anything. | ||
| Love that dude. | ||
| He's an American treasure. | ||
| Fuck yeah. | ||
| So it's more like the delivery method has outpaced... | ||
| Yes. | ||
| The content, I guess? | ||
| It's eliminated the necessity of a large studio. | ||
| A friend of mine was going to do something on the internet recently, and he's like, this group wants to pay me money to be associated with this. | ||
| And I go, okay, what are you going to do it on? | ||
| And he goes, I'm going to do it on YouTube. | ||
| And I'm like, okay, why would you want someone coming along and being a part of that? | ||
| When you can just do it yourself. | ||
| I'm like, if you get in bed With this person, or this group, this media conglomerate. | ||
| You get to bed this media conglomerate with your project that you're trying to launch online. | ||
| You're going to be relieved of some of the financial burden, but in this case, I'm talking to a guy who's not hurting for money. | ||
| I'm like, you're not talking about a substantial investment. | ||
| What do you need? | ||
| You need a camera? | ||
| You need an employee? | ||
| You need an upload place? | ||
| Something like YouTube is essentially free. | ||
| You just need a good internet connection, good computers. | ||
| The price of entry is not exorbitant in relationship to the potential. | ||
| But if you get involved with some sort of a media conglomerate, these guys, all these people are very smart. | ||
| All these people that are involved in all these different networks, they have existed for the longest time. | ||
| They are the old vampire versions of Hollywood. | ||
| They've existed forever. | ||
| And they've grown up in this system. | ||
| And some of them have come along in different transitionary phases of the system. | ||
| But they realize right now the system is in jeopardy. | ||
| It's in a very strange place. | ||
| Because the internet is slowly becoming more and more prevalent in people's lives, it's consuming more and more of people's entertainment time, and it's becoming more powerful in its abilities. | ||
| The ability that someone has today is what you could create and edit on a computer. | ||
| It's literally getting to the point where I can make a movie with you and you don't even have to be in it. | ||
| I can just decide that I'm going to make fucking Slumber Party 10 with Jamie Vernon and Jamie Vernon shows up at the door with a fucking pizza delivery outfit on and 15 skanky hoes just dive on its pecker and we make a porn. | ||
| I mean, that's 100% possible. | ||
| That's only like 10 years away from now, man. | ||
| And you're going to be able to stream things online. | ||
| You're going to be able to create a film with a regular laptop and a fucking phone. | ||
| And it's going to look like a goddamn movie. | ||
| People have probably already done it. | ||
| Snapchat filters is a good example. | ||
| If you can do it right now, I can make a movie with Jamie on gay porn. | ||
| Exactly! | ||
| I read an article about what you're talking about, really. | ||
| They use the example of the new Pee Wee Herman movie, that he looks a little too young for what he should be throughout the movie, but the article describes how there's this thing called what they call CGI facelifts. | ||
| There's multiple million-dollar actors and actresses that use teams of people to keep them younger-looking in movies, like what they did for Benjamin Button. | ||
| They made Brad Pitt stay younger-looking. | ||
| He was a strapping 22-year-old dude when he was really 45. That's just a filter. | ||
| You can tell the detail level is just fogged out. | ||
| As a still frame, it's a filter, but he looks like that throughout the whole movie. | ||
| They have that for video, also, though. | ||
| Right, but I think what he's saying is that this is a still frame of the video. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Is that what you're saying? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| I was saying they're doing it through movies. | ||
| Right, but this is the whole movie. | ||
| It's like this, right? | ||
| Yeah, it looks like this. | ||
| Is this an actual still frame? | ||
| As far as I know, yeah. | ||
| I mean, even Snapchat has that one filter that's called the pretty filter or beautiful filter. | ||
| It just pretty much does the same thing. | ||
| It kind of softens your face and gets rid of the detail. | ||
| Well, have you seen the real-life filters that they're using? | ||
| They have this new thing that they've invented where it's a film that they put on your skin and it radically reduces wrinkles. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| Like it's an invisible film. | ||
| It lasts 24 hours. | ||
| Oh, cool. | ||
| You put it on your skin and it's waterproof and it radically reduces wrinkles. | ||
| Have you seen this? | ||
| No, I haven't seen it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's cool. | |
| Dude, it's fucking weird. | ||
| I can't even think about it that way. | ||
| You're gonna bang some old ladies, dude. | ||
| Oh, God. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| For you? | ||
| I'm good. | ||
| You drink a lot. | ||
| I'm good with my 22-year-old. | ||
| Do you remember that time in Austin? | ||
| Which one? | ||
| Do you remember the time where a lady sat next to you and started kissing you and you were hammered and you thought it was the wrong lady? | ||
| Do you remember that? | ||
| Yeah, we've talked about that before, the old lady. | ||
| This old lady got deep into Brian's face and his eyes were closed the whole time. | ||
| Brian had a lovely young lady with him. | ||
| By the way, this is a long, long time ago. | ||
| Any parties currently invested in Mr. Brian Redband need not worry. | ||
| Many, many, many, many, many, many moons ago. | ||
| And this lovely young lady took off, and this woman... | ||
| Parked her broomstick and sat down next to Brian. | ||
| Oh, God. | ||
| Like 70 years old. | ||
| No teeth. | ||
| No bullshit. | ||
| At least 60. Yeah. | ||
| No bullshit. | ||
| At least 60. And she just attacked me. | ||
| Out of nowhere. | ||
| Plopped down next to you. | ||
| Put her hand on your chest. | ||
| You smiled. | ||
| Looked over with your eyes closed. | ||
| And she dove in for the kiss. | ||
| And you thought you were kissing the other girl. | ||
| And then you realized in the middle. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It was like, oh, oh. | |
| It's like there's a horror movie where that happens, where the guy's making out with the girl and her face falls apart. | ||
| You realize that she's a monster. | ||
| Isn't there a horror movie like that? | ||
| Well, in part of Indiana Jones where they open up the chest and that Nazi's face melts kind of. | ||
| Yeah, it's like that. | ||
| But there was a movie where a guy was making out with a girl and I want to say like her hair started falling out or something like that. | ||
| There was. | ||
| God damn it. | ||
| What movie was it? | ||
| Oh, The Shining. | ||
| It's The Shining. | ||
| Remember? | ||
| Jack Nicholson goes into one of those mysterious rooms and he starts making out with this woman and her skin starts falling off. | ||
| That's exactly what it is. | ||
| That's exactly what it is. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Find that scene. | ||
| Let's end this podcast. | ||
| And you recorded the whole thing on video and you thought you were doing me a favor by deleting it. | ||
| I would love to have seen that. | ||
| I know. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I fucked up. | |
| I was trying to protect you, brother. | ||
| It was dark. | ||
| It was dark. | ||
| I don't even think she had teeth. | ||
| She was a monster. | ||
| She was right out of the swamps. | ||
| She came out of swamps. | ||
| You can't show it? | ||
| Well, for us, can we see it? | ||
| Where nobody else sees it? | ||
| Put it on, make sure that nobody sees it. | ||
| We'll just show you. | ||
| God, she's so hot. | ||
| Nobody can see it, right? | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Yeah, so she's super, super hot in that 1970s, I don't know how to work out hot, which is great for like eight years. | ||
| Nice aerial look. | ||
| Girls have that hot for eight years. | ||
| Right around 26, it starts to go, hey, we're not really making the same amount of hormones anymore and you no longer play soccer. | ||
| So, what's going on with this body? | ||
| Look at that bush. | ||
| Full bush. | ||
| Full bush. | ||
| Which, by the way, I don't mind. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't mind. | |
| Doesn't bother me. | ||
| At all. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| Jack Nicholson doesn't know what to do. | ||
| She's touching him. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| It's about to get faking. | ||
| I don't remember this scene and I definitely don't remember the scene being this long. | ||
| I remember it being like real short. | ||
| I feel like I watched this recently and don't remember the scene in the movie. | ||
| I remember it happened for sure, which is why I brought it up, but I don't remember it. | ||
| Like I'm looking at it. | ||
| This all seems super new to me. | ||
| So he starts making out with her. | ||
| She's got a flat house. | ||
| She needs to do squats. | ||
| Go to the gym, bitch. | ||
| Oh, so he's kissing her? | ||
| And in the middle of kissing her, he's like, oh, he's having such a good time. | ||
| You can see that she looks a little bony. | ||
| Yeah, something's not right. | ||
| Something's wrong. | ||
| And he opens his eyes. | ||
| He opens his eyes. | ||
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And he opens his eyes and he realizes she's an old lady and his eyes go wide open. | |
| He can't even enjoy it. | ||
| He's a hater. | ||
| He sees her in the mirror. | ||
| Her back in the mirror is covered with welts and his little kid starts to seizure him. | ||
| Now she's in the tub. | ||
| And he's backing up. | ||
| She's decaying. | ||
| And she's laughing and coming towards him. | ||
| Holy shit, this is a good movie. | ||
| It's like the old lady from Kingpin. | ||
| See, here's my point. | ||
| Where the fuck are these movies, man? | ||
| This is my kind of movie. | ||
| I like horror movies. | ||
| I'm a huge fan. | ||
| I like monster movies. | ||
| I like horror movies. | ||
| It doesn't have to be real. | ||
| I know it's not real. | ||
| I haven't seen them, but I heard that movie Green Room was supposed to be pretty interesting. | ||
| Ooh, what's that? | ||
| There's a new one called Where This Blind Man Can't See that looks pretty intense, too. | ||
| I forget what it's called. | ||
| Don't Talk or Don't Whisper or some shit. | ||
| How could that be as good as this? | ||
| The Green Room, the story of Louis Anderson. | ||
| Oh, how dare you? | ||
| Rated R for gay. | ||
| Louis Anderson's a wonderful gentleman. | ||
| I love him. | ||
| I think he's a hilarious comedian. | ||
| Let's sign this, bitch. | ||
| Let's bring it home. | ||
| Thank you, everybody, for the happy birthday wishes. | ||
| Appreciate the fuck out of it. | ||
| Oh, while this is ending, we haven't ended it yet. | ||
| Hold on. | ||
| Before we end it, don't end it. | ||
| I'm going to get... | ||
| I've been doing this thing on Instagram. | ||
| You know, Instagram has that... | ||
| Yeah, the stories thing. | ||
| So I've been doing the Instagram story. | ||
| So if you listen to the podcast and you're like, what's going on with your Instagram story, bro? | ||
| I'll show you what's going on with my Instagram story, motherfucker! | ||
| Oh shit, here a minute. | ||
| Switch around. | ||
| Whoops. | ||
| That's the flash. | ||
| I don't want the flush. | ||
| This is my life at 49. 49. | ||
| One more. | ||
| Oh, God damn it. | ||
| You just took a picture of my feet. | ||
| I'm trying to get this light off. | ||
| How do I get this light off? | ||
| Hit the picture of the lightning bolts. | ||
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I know. | |
| I just want to make sure it's... | ||
| Oh, here it goes. | ||
| Ladies and gentlemen, just had a wonderful podcast with Brian Redband and Young Jamie. | ||
| We'll see you soon. | ||
|
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All right. |
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