June 22, 2016 - The Joe Rogan Experience
01:58:28
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
| We're lying. | ||
| Yes! | ||
| You said you were in Seattle last night? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| What were you doing? | ||
| Show. | ||
| A little stand-up comedy? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, the crocodile. | |
| Some place Kurt Cobain and Nirvana played. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa! | |
| Yeah. | ||
| What was that like? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Pictures of him. | |
| I mean, he wasn't there. | ||
| You know? | ||
| I know, but it's cool being in those. | ||
| I've been saying that doing a lot of these theaters is like doing a functional museum. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, some of them. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| At Fillmore. | ||
| Fillmore, for sure. | ||
| Yeah, with all those pictures in there. | ||
| Dude, I took a bunch of film. | ||
| We were in the dressing room. | ||
| Apparently, that's like one of the first places that the Led Zeppelin, the Led Zeppelin, you know those, that Led Zeppelin played. | ||
| Really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
In America? | |
| When they first came to America. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's cool. | ||
| I don't know if it was the first or one of the first. | ||
| But uh, yeah, man, I mean that is like as Museum like it's floor-to-ceiling too with the pictures all the way over Yeah, it's a big-ass place man So like I mean as far as like it's not that big it's like 450 people But I mean as far as like what it stands for. | ||
| Yeah, there's a few places like that The Chicago theater is definitely like that just walking around that place like whoa Yeah, the look of it. | ||
| Yeah There's a bunch of them that are just so old that it's kind of weird that they let people just fucking run around on stage and tell dick jokes in them. | ||
| Close. | ||
| This was their first tour. | ||
| Oh, the first tour. | ||
| That makes sense. | ||
|
unidentified
|
There you go. | |
| See, everybody's like- The first place in Denver? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Fuck yeah. | ||
| First, they went straight to Denver? | ||
| They knew. | ||
| Not East Coast? | ||
| They knew. | ||
| That's the spot. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| Why fuck around? | ||
|
unidentified
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How long till they went to New York? | |
| That's a good question. | ||
| Year's Eve. | ||
| Oh, damn. | ||
| 1969. Do you know that their lawsuit is going on right now for stealing Stairway to Heaven? | ||
| No way. | ||
| Right now. | ||
| Against who? | ||
| Who'd they steal it from? | ||
| There was a band. | ||
| Bill Burr was the one who turned on to this shit. | ||
| Bill Burr called me up. | ||
| He goes, you're not gonna fucking believe it. | ||
| They were all fucking thieves. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They stole. | |
| They stole. | ||
| He calls me up and he sends me this YouTube video to listen to. | ||
| And I go, holy shit! | ||
| Like, dude, I couldn't be a bigger Led Zeppelin fan. | ||
| Yeah, for sure. | ||
| I'd love Led Zeppelin. | ||
| I mean, they're like... | ||
| A whole lot of love is like my get-high-and-sit-back-with-headphone song, you know? | ||
| Old black people like it, too. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Because before they played hip-hop on the radio. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| The closest they had, I guess, was Led Zeppelin. | ||
| That's all they had. | ||
| Bullshit white people music. | ||
| They were hiding Robert Johnson, stealing all his music. | ||
| Led Zeppelin singer claims foggy memory in Stairway to Heaven lawsuit. | ||
| Well, I mean, that's fair. | ||
| It's 50 years ago. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, that's... | ||
| Boy... | ||
| I can barely remember shit 10 years ago. | ||
| How's this guy supposed to remember shit 50 years ago? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| There's no way. | ||
| But if I stole Stairway to Heaven, I bet I'd fucking remember that. | ||
| Let me hear the both. | ||
| Can we hear both of them? | ||
| We can't do it. | ||
| We can't do it? | ||
|
unidentified
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Why? | |
| Can we play it for us and not have it on the YouTube? | ||
| Or would it just get us pulled from the YouTube? | ||
| I can keep it off YouTube. | ||
| Yeah, I can keep it off YouTube. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| So we'll listen to it, and we'll be able to talk to you. | ||
| Which one do you want first, the original? | ||
| Don't they have a side-by-side one? | ||
| I've already heard the stairway. | ||
| Play the original. | ||
| Everybody knows what stairway sounds like. | ||
| What a good song, though. | ||
| Up and down and speed. | ||
| Yeah, and this band opened for them. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| This doesn't look good. | ||
| What? | ||
| Yeah, it doesn't look good at all. | ||
| Wait, is it possible this band was like stole it from Led Zeppelin? | ||
| No, no, apparently it's not because they recorded it several years before they toured with Led Zeppelin. | ||
| Well, that sums it up. | ||
| Yeah, I think they recorded it like two years before Zeppelin did theirs. | ||
| If this is just like four chords that they play in the middle of the song, oh wow. | ||
| What? | ||
| This is the original, not Led Zeppelin. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Let's hear it. | ||
| It's goddamn so close. | ||
| Well, another argument that someone said, they're called Spirit. | ||
| The name of the song is Taurus. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The best of Spirit is just a little bit better. | |
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah, it's, goddamn, it's really close. | ||
| But someone said, no, I don't know shit about music, and I know you don't either, right? | ||
| This is the Led Zeppelin version. | ||
| We know that. | ||
| Yeah, we know that. | ||
| It sounds so similar. | ||
| But someone... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You don't know any shit about music. | ||
| Like, you don't play musical instruments. | ||
| No, I don't either. | ||
| Jamie, you might know this. | ||
| Someone said that the music is like a very commonly used series of chords. | ||
| Chord progression, yeah. | ||
| Is it? | ||
| I don't know the exact... | ||
| Yeah, there's only three chords. | ||
| As I say, there's only three chords in rock and roll. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| I don't know what that means, but there's still a lot of different songs. | ||
| It's like a blues scale. | ||
| It's probably... | ||
| So they said that that has been used in many songs before. | ||
| Is that true? | ||
| Why aren't they saying that? | ||
| I don't know, because they're foggy. | ||
| They're old. | ||
| Once you hit, like, 60, you just pretend you're old as fuck and you don't know what's going on anymore. | ||
| That's what Reagan did. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| I don't even know. | ||
| He had, like, legit Alzheimer's. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Looking back, he really didn't remember. | ||
| We should have been like, oh, you didn't get pills, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Instead of not believing it was cover-up, we should have been like, oh, he's crying for help. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's telling the world he can't remember things. | ||
| I wonder, like... | ||
| They're really close to curing that, you know. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| They're injecting people's brains with stem cells and fixing all kinds of weird shit that's going wrong. | ||
| How is that stem cell? | ||
| I've been thinking about it. | ||
| You asked me about it. | ||
| I've been thinking about it. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| So you heal like Wolverine. | ||
| It's very strange. | ||
| So, okay. | ||
| Will it? | ||
| How far away? | ||
| It's not going to grow your dick, Ari. | ||
| Not my dick, my hair. | ||
| What about hair? | ||
| Why not? | ||
| Why can't it stem cell that up? | ||
| They'll probably have something for that soon. | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| I'll never go back to there again. | ||
| Pop your shit back up? | ||
| Stem cell cream? | ||
| I like having a shaved head. | ||
| It's so easy. | ||
| So I got a good head for it. | ||
| I look better with a shaved head. | ||
| It's round. | ||
| Especially with the hair that I had left. | ||
| It's just all sad hair. | ||
| Sad, sick hair. | ||
| Coughing. | ||
| Dying people. | ||
| It's like having a cancer patient living on your head. | ||
| That's why Jeff Ross shaved his head too. | ||
| Yeah, it's over. | ||
| It's over. | ||
| That's why I cut mine shorter. | ||
| I like it, man. | ||
| I like having it short. | ||
| Yeah, it's bullshit. | ||
| It's like it was a waste of my energy. | ||
| You got a round enough head. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| If you have a flat back, that's the worst kind of head. | ||
| It's like a laptop head. | ||
| Somebody hit you with a shovel head. | ||
| The back of your head just looks like a laptop. | ||
| It's just flat like a book. | ||
| There's a lot of dudes that have whack domes. | ||
| I feel for them. | ||
| But you know what, man? | ||
| This doesn't look good with hair either. | ||
| You know, weird heads. | ||
| Weird heads are weird heads. | ||
| What you need to do is get one of them, like a head, like a fake butt. | ||
| Just put it in your head. | ||
| Implants. | ||
| That's a girl who's really touching. | ||
| I'm like, why is it all soft in the back? | ||
| That's probably totally a good idea. | ||
| Probably. | ||
| Most people aren't touching your head. | ||
| Well, you could always say, yeah, I was in a motorcycle accident. | ||
| Oh my god, that scar. | ||
| I love scars. | ||
| You tear me up. | ||
| Meanwhile, you just had a butt put in the back of your head, like a fake plate. | ||
| It feels like a rotting apple. | ||
| Just the consistency of it. | ||
| We're laughing at this. | ||
| Right? | ||
| But they do that to chins. | ||
| Put double chins in? | ||
| They put a fake chin in people. | ||
| It's super common. | ||
| What do you mean? | ||
| They put a fake chin on people. | ||
| Who does that? | ||
| Plastic surgeons. | ||
| I think they go in through the lip area, or the teeth are, and they shove, like, an implant in your chin. | ||
| Because some people have, like, very small chins. | ||
| Like, their chin is tucked up in their neck, and they feel like it's unattractive. | ||
| I know chinless people. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| Brian Keith Eiffage. | ||
| He's chinless. | ||
| Does it bother him? | ||
| No, he makes jokes about it. | ||
| That's good. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's good. | ||
| Some people don't like joke around about it so they get a piece of plastic screwed into their chin. | ||
| People take it to the next level and then go too long? | ||
| They do at the back of their head. | ||
| That's what I'm saying. | ||
| Dudes with a flat back of the head. | ||
| Flat back? | ||
| Round that shit out, man. | ||
| Look like a normal dude. | ||
| I mean, I'm not against that. | ||
| I guess I'm not against that. | ||
| If they can make it feel like a skull back there... | ||
| Instead of just some fucking... | ||
| Imagine if it gets loose. | ||
| Stretch Armstrong. | ||
| Oh yeah, it starts leaking out. | ||
| What if you're banging a girl and she grabs your head and she pops it loose and she thinks she broke your skull? | ||
| That'd be a good way to go to leave. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You broke my skull! | |
| You're a fucking crazy bitch! | ||
| You broke my head! | ||
| What happened to your head? | ||
| You did something. | ||
| Which? | ||
|
unidentified
|
They got some fucking wallboard screws. | |
| Tighten that bitch down. | ||
| That's wholesale like replacements. | ||
| Those seem weird. | ||
| Putting a fucking plastic plate on the back of your head is not... | ||
| I guarantee you there's a plastic surgeon out there right now running to a notepad and writing this shit down. | ||
| And he's going to offer it to dudes with flat heads. | ||
| Are you a flat back? | ||
| You'll have to convince somebody they have a flat head. | ||
| Did your parents never buy you a pillow until you were old enough to complain? | ||
| Is the back of your head flat like a table? | ||
| Well, flat back no more. | ||
| Thanks to Dr. Krickenheimer. | ||
| Dr. Krickenheimer specializes in making your fucking mutant, alien, rodent-looking head attractive. | ||
| Did you think you were fine? | ||
| You're not. | ||
| You're not fine. | ||
| You're not fine. | ||
| No. | ||
| No. | ||
| How about those weird ancient cultures that used to flatten heads on purpose? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| You ever seen those Peruvium? | ||
| I think it's Peru, I believe. | ||
| Yeah, well, they think the Egyptian thing... | ||
| Was that implants on the long chin? | ||
| They could have fucked with the shape of their head, but they also could have been, like, inbreeding. | ||
| Because apparently, like, Tutankhamen had a series of, like, we'll go to Tutankhamen next, Jamie. | ||
| No, go to these, like, well, you see that guy, the baby up there, where they're stretching the baby's head out? | ||
| See the black and white one right next to that, Jamie? | ||
| No, no. | ||
| The photo, the actual photo? | ||
| Go up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Up. | |
| The photo. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, I see it. | |
| Yeah, that one. | ||
| See? | ||
| That's like, that's an actual baby, where they're distorting this young baby's head while it's soft with pressure by these cords, and they tighten it down. | ||
| And this is modern times, because this is from- It's kind of a dumb head. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, this is obviously from... | ||
|
unidentified
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Look how interesting that looks. | |
| Yeah, it's crazy. | ||
|
unidentified
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Wow. | |
| It's crazy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| So they can make them look like aliens. | ||
| Oh, and they take it off. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| Wow. | ||
| It can totally, like, fuck the shape of your head up forever. | ||
| And then that's what your head's shaped like now. | ||
| Because it's all done when you're a baby and your head is really flexible. | ||
| Until your brain grows into that? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Dude. | ||
| You're fucked. | ||
| Or you love it. | ||
| You know, whatever. | ||
| Might be your shit. | ||
| But if you look at the images of ancient Egypt, like right there, you just clicked on that one. | ||
| They think that that was maybe part of the practice that they were doing to differentiate them from the rest of the people. | ||
| So there was that. | ||
| But Tutankhamen apparently had a series of issues. | ||
| He had some degenerative issues. | ||
| They think that he might not have been healthy. | ||
| See if they, like, whatever. | ||
| See if they try to save them? | ||
| No, don't Google head shape. | ||
| Just go with medical issues. | ||
| Two-ton common medical issues. | ||
| Dude, I met those long net ladies in Thailand. | ||
| Oh, did you really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| They grip bigger and bigger, and they can't take them off because they get all wobbly. | ||
| Yeah, see, look, he had a cane and shit. | ||
| His body was all fucked up. | ||
| Why does it say he has breasts? | ||
| Why'd they give him breasts? | ||
| Ooh, visit Paige, please. | ||
| So we're looking at King Tut had feminine hips. | ||
| Farrell suffered from several afflictions because his parents were brother and sister. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa! | |
| Inbreeding! | ||
| Look at Leslie filling his hands. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa! | |
| That's some Game of Thrones type shit, son. | ||
| Probably about the humid face. | ||
| King Tut's list of ailments isn't the result of ancient Egyptian curse. | ||
| The researchers were able to point out a more scientific culprit incest. | ||
| Albert Zink, scientific director of the Institute of Mummies and the Icemen in Italy, used genetic fingerprinting and tests. | ||
| On mitochondrial DNA to determine that King Tut's parents were, without a shadow of a doubt, brother and sister. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| Here's his list of things. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| They just ruled out there was an Egyptian curse? | ||
| No curse. | ||
| Just ruled it out. | ||
| Finally. | ||
| How crazy is nature, man? | ||
| He had a prominent overbite, pronounced overbite. | ||
| Feminine hips, clubfoot. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| It's the world's first... | ||
| Lose bones in his foot. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| Loose bones in his foot? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Lose. | |
| L-O-S-E. You're not supposed to fuck your brother or sister, huh? | ||
| You're not supposed to fuck your brother or sister. | ||
| It worked out pretty good in Game of Thrones. | ||
| Well, not really. | ||
| The one evil kid. | ||
| Yeah, but his body was alright. | ||
| The girl was fine. | ||
| They made the girl fine. | ||
| She had to get poisoned. | ||
| She was the only one that was fine. | ||
| This new one's a pussy. | ||
| God, he's such a pussy. | ||
| Such a pussy. | ||
| Makes me angry. | ||
| It's almost like they listen to the protests against them from the far, whatever, liberal. | ||
| They go, okay, fine. | ||
| This is what you want? | ||
| This is the kind of character you want? | ||
| Who can do nothing? | ||
| Fine. | ||
| Enjoy this for three seasons. | ||
| You know what doesn't make sense, though? | ||
| It's super hard to imagine someone abandoning their mom like that when they're that much of a pussy. | ||
| That's the most ridiculous aspect about it. | ||
| Because that's one thing that pussies want, is they want to be around their mommy. | ||
|
unidentified
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Right? | |
| You need your mom for support. | ||
| So, like, all of a sudden, he's so strong. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| But who's in his ear? | ||
| The only chick who's ever given out the puss to him. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| That Pussy so strong. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| So strong. | ||
| She's pretty, and she knows the fuck she's doing, and she's got a gay brother, so you know she's a freak. | ||
| Dude, those guys in America killed, all those guys killed their girlfriend's ex-husband or husband, right? | ||
| That's like a normal thing. | ||
| What was that girl's name? | ||
| What's that? | ||
| She went to jail. | ||
|
unidentified
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Which girl? | |
| She stayed like a student in high school and then made the student kill her husband. | ||
| Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| God damn it. | ||
| There's been a bunch of them. | ||
| Not Letourneau, right? | ||
| Letourneau was just the one that... | ||
| No. | ||
| Pam Smart? | ||
| No. | ||
| You sure? | ||
| No. | ||
| I think it's Pam Smart. | ||
| I think she was the one who paid the high school kid to kill her husband. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| You can't do that. | ||
| I mean, I bet there's a bunch of them. | ||
| You really can't do that. | ||
| It's really just now. | ||
| Well, people have definitely gotten away with it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| For every, like, dumb chick who hired two 15-year-olds, there's a smart lady who hired an actual assassin. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Oh, did you ever go down the Block Dahlia YouTube tools? | ||
| Yeah, I did. | ||
| I have. | ||
| I watched a whole special, one of those crime TV documentaries. | ||
| To watch them laugh. | ||
| I think it's so casual. | ||
| Like, you want to go for donuts? | ||
| It's a good donuts place over here. | ||
| Like, as they just finish this, you're going to kill my husband then. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And the way they say it, too, like, I just can't go through the divorce. | ||
| It's just... | ||
| It's almost, like, easier than letting him know, I don't love you anymore. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| For some people, it is. | ||
| For some people, that actually becomes what they want to do instead. | ||
| They're like, I don't want to go through this divorce. | ||
| I don't like this guy. | ||
| I'll just fucking whack him. | ||
| Shut off. | ||
| Yeah, they just don't want to do it anymore. | ||
| Because if you think about it, right... | ||
| You gotta get divorced, this dude. | ||
| What if he gets mad and beats you up? | ||
| What if he denies your money? | ||
| What if, you know, what if he fucking kicks you out on the street? | ||
| I mean, if you don't care about him at all, then yeah, that's the easier way to go. | ||
| There's just some people out there that are just fucking nuts. | ||
| They're just fucking nuts. | ||
| And if you run into those people... | ||
| You got a fucking problem. | ||
| You got a fucking problem. | ||
| They're just fucking nuts. | ||
| And if you marry one of those people, and you live with one of those people for a long time, then you try to break up with them, you got a fucking problem. | ||
| So what are you gonna do? | ||
| What are you gonna do? | ||
| You're some lady from Nebraska who just wants to be on her own. | ||
| Just wants to be free. | ||
| The clutches of her father held her down when she was young, and now she's got this fucking asshole, this man, that she's like legally obligated, and he says he's gonna kill her if she leaves? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| No, I don't think so, bitch. | ||
| Dahlia Del Belito, she was calling the guy in afterwards when she found out he was still alive. | ||
| She was like, Mark, get in here. | ||
| Mark, come help me. | ||
| And he's like, I can't. | ||
| And you tried to have me killed. | ||
| She kept going, stop, don't believe that. | ||
| He's like, they showed me. | ||
| He goes, that's fake. | ||
| He was almost still swaying to go back to her. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| He was almost like, and he's like, I can't help anyway. | ||
| They have you trying to hire someone to kill me. | ||
| It's out of my hands. | ||
| They have you on camera, bitch. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Brings you back in. | ||
| And they're such good actresses. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| When they find out... | ||
| When they supposedly find out their husband got killed. | ||
| Well, they're insane. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, there's a lot of people out there that are getting people whacked are completely fucking insane. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They can shut off. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| They're just disconnected. | ||
| I wonder if you met them... | ||
| Or from the truth. | ||
| I wonder if you met them if you would feel that. | ||
| I wonder if you'd feel that vibe if you were talking to them. | ||
| I think it's just compartmentalizing. | ||
| You shut that door and then let it in as if it's new information. | ||
| There's also people that have killed people before, and it gets easier. | ||
| Like that story, Jamie, that you were telling me about, that they suspected some seal stabbed some guy after a fight. | ||
| They got in a fight, and then afterwards, I don't know, to pull the guy's name up, who knows if it's even true. | ||
| He stabbed him? | ||
| Yeah, he stabbed him. | ||
| Because he had the bloodlust. | ||
| Well, they got in a fight, apparently, and then afterwards they arrested him because the guy got stabbed somewhere and died, and they think it might be connected. | ||
| But you gotta imagine, just forget about this story, which I don't know what happened, right? | ||
| I'm trying to be fair as fuck. | ||
| But a guy who you teach how to kill people, who you hire to kill people, and order to kill people, is probably used to fucking killing people, right? | ||
| And some people aren't. | ||
| And they might say something crazy, like, I'll fucking kill you, bitch. | ||
| I'm gonna see you on the street. | ||
| I'm gonna kill you. | ||
| And they say that to a Navy SEAL. And he goes, oh, really? | ||
| He's already seen a bunch of people die. | ||
| He's like, okay. | ||
| Well, I'm going to remember that. | ||
| And then he waits until you get outside of that building and say, hey, dude, I don't really want you to kill me, so I'm going to kill you. | ||
| And he fucking kills you. | ||
| So, like, who knows what happened? | ||
| But I would assume that if a dude gets super used to killing people and really good at it, that's not the guy to fuck with. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm not going to pull it up, but I just Googled it again. | ||
| His lawyer, he might not have done it. | ||
| Yeah, that's what I'm saying. | ||
| There you go. | ||
| I heard this thing on... | ||
| You never know. | ||
| Sorry, but I was gonna say, people that get in bar fights, they have a lot of fucking people that hate him. | ||
| It could easily be a coincidence. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| The reason, too, of the fight is what they were saying is that he detained him on the pier for allegedly taking pictures of underage girls. | ||
| So... | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Oh, Jesus Christ. | ||
| Well, maybe, yeah. | ||
| Okay, well, there you go. | ||
| There might be a lot of people that wanted to kill that guy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah. | |
| If you're taking pictures of underage girls, you haven't, like, led an awesome, pristine life, and then one day you're like, you know what, man? | ||
| Oh, that's what I wanted to tell you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hey! | |
| Did you hear the shit they found at Michael Jackson's place? | ||
| Oh, wait, hold on. | ||
| Let me think of what it could be first. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| I mean, definitely underage child porn. | ||
| Maybe a body. | ||
| No. | ||
| Well, just go ahead with your ideas. | ||
| Yeah, let me think what else it could be. | ||
| Like a whole underground ranch, like another whole play area for when the apocalypse comes, that kind of thing. | ||
| Or, possibly even, some unreleased tapes of music that you never put out. | ||
| What if they found a cache? | ||
| Let's be honest here. | ||
| They found a cache of photos of Michael Jackson getting his dick sucked by boys. | ||
| And right next to that cache was one of the best goddamn albums that Michael's ever put out. | ||
| And what if the music company is the ones that found it? | ||
| Wait, what? | ||
| And they get together, they have a little music meeting. | ||
| What do we do here? | ||
| We got two options. | ||
| Either, everybody assumes that he fucks some kids, but there's no proof. | ||
| So we forgive him, and we buy his music. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Or, we let these photos get out. | |
| And we ruin the legacy of one of the greatest artists of all time. | ||
| Look, we're not gonna save these kids from sucking his dick. | ||
| They sucked his dick. | ||
| It's gone. | ||
| It's water under the bridge. | ||
| It would be a greater crime if we didn't release this music to the public. | ||
| Now you're talking like a Jew! | ||
| We burn these dirty photos. | ||
| They're gonna cost money. | ||
| They're gonna take food out of the mouths of your children. | ||
| These photos. | ||
| Well, that's not fair. | ||
| My children didn't do anything. | ||
| It's not fair. | ||
| Your kids didn't do anything. | ||
| My children didn't come on to a superstar. | ||
| Sal, your kids are good kids. | ||
| They deserve the best education they can. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, that's a good point. | |
| We can't sink this ship. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's a good point. | |
| Let's burn these fucking pictures. | ||
| They probably have a furnace going 24-7 at any major record label just in case something like that comes up and they could chuck a hard drive in there. | ||
| What did they find? | ||
| They found photos of adult bodies with kids' faces engaged in pornographic acts. | ||
| Like, weird pornography, allegedly. | ||
| This is all allegedly. | ||
| Who alleged? | ||
| Because I haven't seen it, and I don't know what's... | ||
| Yeah, pull up one of the articles. | ||
| Pull up this! | ||
| It's even more than what you're just saying. | ||
| Well, it's animal mutilation, too, right? | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| He had photos of that? | ||
| Yeah, he had photos of... | ||
| I might have some of that, too. | ||
| Among the items found were pictures of adult bodies with children's faces superimposed on them, sexy pictures of his nephews in their underwear, pictures of bleeding children and animals, including a photo of a child holding what looks like a goose bludgeoned to death, diaries, audiotapes, videotapes, prescription drugs to treat sex addiction. | ||
| One insider claimed that Michael Jackson had a book called Room to Play, which included a picture of JonBenet Ramsey lookalike with a noose around her neck. | ||
| What? | ||
| But what is that one insider? | ||
| Whoever that insider is, like, I never trust that when I read that somewhere. | ||
| Yeah, and you can't show the pictures we're talking about because underage stuff. | ||
| But then how am I supposed to form, just, nah. | ||
| It's hard to form an opinion. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But that term, one insider, makes me super skeptical. | ||
| Oh, right. | ||
| It could be one liar. | ||
| Well, the problem is, like, when you say something like that, one insider, what that tells me is you either don't have enough... | ||
| Whoa, whoa, back up. | ||
| Up, yep. | ||
| No, no. | ||
| Other way. | ||
| Other way. | ||
| Down. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Ron Zonin, a former Santa Barbara DA, was on the prosecution team, told Radar. | ||
| Okay, and then... | ||
| Well, okay, well that guy, he's saying something. | ||
| Yeah, he's saying a lot of this stuff was used to desensitize the children. | ||
| He added, we identified five different boys who all made allegations of sexual abuse. | ||
| There's not much question in my mind that Michael was guilty of child molestation. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Woo! | |
| That's heavy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But we kind of knew that. | ||
| Yeah, but that's also a guy who can never prove it, so maybe he's still like... | ||
| See, but the weird shit is like the... | ||
| Wow, he looks great in his mugshot. | ||
| He looks really different. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That's skeleton, Michael. | ||
| Well, he looks like some sort of a creation. | ||
| Like, that's barely a human anymore. | ||
| Whatever he's done to his face. | ||
| He looks like CGI of like two years ago. | ||
| So strange. | ||
| Well, you know what it looks like? | ||
| A claymation, maybe? | ||
| Yeah, like a claymation. | ||
| I was just gonna say that. | ||
| Yeah, like some sort of a... | ||
| Pinocchio? | ||
| Artistic representation of the someone. | ||
| Not an actual someone. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, have you ever seen that Barbie lady? | ||
| The Russian Barbie lady? | ||
| No. | ||
| Dude, this girl's spent like a hundred thousand dollars on surgery to turn herself into a real-life Barbie. | ||
| So she doesn't look like a person. | ||
| She had her eyes widened and shit. | ||
| That's her? | ||
| Yeah, dude. | ||
| That wasn't a real person. | ||
| Yep, it's a real person. | ||
| No fucking way! | ||
| Go back to that! | ||
| It's just, we got this little issue. | ||
| No, that is not a real person. | ||
| Yes, it is, dude. | ||
| It is. | ||
| Yeah, there's a bunch of film of her. | ||
| Actually, make sure that's true. | ||
| That's a drawing. | ||
| I've seen at least one television show that had her on. | ||
| And she can walk fine. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They're all saying a person that shape couldn't walk. | |
| Well, you can. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Most people can never be that shape. | ||
| Well, they put corsets on. | ||
| They smoosh their body down. | ||
| But look like her eyes. | ||
| Her eyes with a line under it. | ||
| Wugga, wugga, wugga. | ||
| It's weird, man. | ||
| Like right there. | ||
| That's a perfect example. | ||
| That photo. | ||
| That does not look real. | ||
| First of all, that's a filter. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How old is she? | |
| This ruins the purpose of this by them taking these photos with filters. | ||
| Because I could look like Barbie, too, with filters. | ||
| You know? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You should show this in a raw, gritty, close-up. | ||
| I want to see a video of her talking. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Well, that's what she used to look like. | ||
| And that's what she looks like now. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| She was hot. | ||
| She was pretty. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| She was pretty. | ||
| She was ethnic looking. | ||
| She looked hot. | ||
| She looks redneck hot to me. | ||
| Yeah, that's what I like. | ||
| Barefoot, drunk. | ||
| No way! | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| Yeah, look at these eyes, man. | ||
| Sleep where I want them. | ||
| Look at her eyes. | ||
| The whole thing is so strange. | ||
| Now that doesn't look too filtered, but it's definitely filtered, right? | ||
| She looks like an ec machina. | ||
| Yeah, right? | ||
| That's going to be your fucked all of the future. | ||
| That's close enough that I would go for that. | ||
| Oh, you would definitely go for it. | ||
| Yeah, for sure. | ||
| That's coming. | ||
| That's coming? | ||
| 100%. | ||
| That'll be one of the first versions of commercial artificial intelligence. | ||
| Or it drives every industry. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sure. | |
| That was more than porn, my friend. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That's some sort of a prostitutional loophole. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You know? | ||
| I mean, people are already using those fleshlights. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| Wouldn't a real feeling human-y... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That'd be way better. | ||
| Oh, fuck yeah. | ||
| Dude, they're probably going to figure out a way to make it have actual skin. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, they can make skin in a lab. | ||
| They figured out how to make skin. | ||
| So if they make skin... | ||
| Are they really? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So they can make actual skin on a fuck doll? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| They can reproduce like little things like they've reproduced a person's bladder. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Or a woman got bladder cancer and they recreated her bladder with stem cells. | ||
| From stem cells? | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| And put it back in her body. | ||
| What do you mean they can't use it to make hair? | ||
| They're going to... | ||
| They're going to figure it out eventually. | ||
| But the organ thing, they're going to figure that out too. | ||
| They're going to be able to replace hearts and livers and all kinds of different things and make them all in a lab and then put them in your body. | ||
| It's going to be real weird. | ||
| But they're definitely going to be able to make a skin. | ||
| Could you feel the heart beating while you're fucking a woman? | ||
| Maybe she doesn't have a heartbeat, bro. | ||
| I mean, can they make that? | ||
| One that doesn't have a heartbeat? | ||
| No, one that does. | ||
| One that does. | ||
| Oh, for sure. | ||
| Definitely. | ||
| You have to beat a human before they're like, oh no, you can't. | ||
| You have to ask permission from that. | ||
| You know what, man? | ||
| I think it's gonna slip under the radar. | ||
| How much brains and heart would they have to get? | ||
| Who could give permission for this shit? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It gets into almost like this God realm. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What point do you get? | ||
| I'm alive. | ||
| Well, if you keep going, right? | ||
| If you take... | ||
| Whatever sort of robots they have now. | ||
| They have some kind of goofy looking robots, you know, that can mostly just torsos, they talk, and some of the bodies move pretty decent. | ||
| If you just go a hundred years from now, do you have any idea how crazy whatever the fuck they have now is going to be in a hundred years? | ||
| It's going to be impossible for us to imagine because there's inventions that you need to have for the big inventions. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The tools to make that haven't been invented. | |
| There's gonna be some leaps in the understanding of the very nature of the universe itself and they're gonna be able to change all sorts of stuff that they do and Life itself is also gonna be on that list. | ||
| They're gonna make it man They're gonna they're gonna make it and even if they make it like a fuck doll that has like a limited brain That it's only good for like fuck activities. | ||
| You can't have it as a friend. | ||
| Yeah You just come home, and this thing has some sort of an artificial brain that wants to suck dick. | ||
| And that's all it is. | ||
| And she only wants to suck yours. | ||
| She's not a skank. | ||
| She's not running out fucking everybody else. | ||
| She just wants to wait for you to fuck the shit out of her. | ||
| And you're at work. | ||
| Oh, like that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
And you're looking at your watch like, I can't wait to get home and fuck the shit out of this thing. | |
| Well, how come that's not okay? | ||
| It's not a real person. | ||
| How come that's not okay, but Xbox is okay? | ||
| I can't wait to go home and kill people. | ||
| We need to go home and fucking gun people down online. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How come? | |
| I think women are gonna protest the fuck out of those fuck dolls. | ||
| Of course they will. | ||
| They lose all power. | ||
| They are not happy with that idea. | ||
| Especially when they give them away with an oil change to get a free fuck doll. | ||
| I wonder if they have like a shelf life in the beginning. | ||
| Like they deteriorate. | ||
| Like a person. | ||
| Die job. | ||
| It's like three, four weeks. | ||
| Wouldn't women go the other way with it too? | ||
| What? | ||
|
unidentified
|
They'd have fuck dolls. | |
| Just ramming them the whole night. | ||
| Yeah, sure. | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| Some would. | ||
| So some women who don't like dick, is that what you're saying? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, they don't like guys. | |
| They're tired of a dude? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| They should get pounded all night and not have to deal with the guys. | ||
| Yeah, for sure. | ||
| Oh, so they would just hire some guy or build a robot for sure. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's definitely going to happen for some women. | ||
| Oh, absolutely. | ||
| They would get a pudgy belly behind it. | ||
| They like that. | ||
| But you know what the problem is going to be? | ||
| People don't just have a desire to fuck. | ||
| They also have a desire for a deep connection with somebody. | ||
| Yeah, sure. | ||
| You don't get that. | ||
| You don't get that when you're fucked up. | ||
| Yeah, that would be a negative. | ||
| So it's people gonna go crazy. | ||
| They're gonna be sad and crying. | ||
| Almost like the same way people who live entirely online are completely socially fucked. | ||
| They said that about chat rooms 20 years ago. | ||
| And they were right. | ||
| Look around. | ||
| They are a little socially fucked. | ||
| Look around. | ||
| If you really do take it into consideration. | ||
| I mean, man. | ||
| There's going to be sad people. | ||
| Yeah, you would be like, I'm just... | ||
| You know people who have a porn addiction? | ||
| You ever meet those guys? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| They're like, I had to stop. | ||
| It was getting crazy. | ||
| I couldn't concentrate on anything. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, that's what they're saying. | ||
| Michael Jackson had some sort of a sex addiction. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| Dark. | ||
| Super dark. | ||
| Like midnight. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ugh. | |
| It's just spooky that that guy was doing that to these kids while he was the biggest star in the world. | ||
| I mean, we all know it's true. | ||
| Why do people still go and know? | ||
| Because they don't want to. | ||
| They don't want to believe. | ||
| Come on! | ||
| There's an elementary school in Hollywood. | ||
| The auditorium for the school is the Michael Jackson Auditorium. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Feel free to change that whenever you... | ||
|
unidentified
|
At least change to Auditorium ODD. That's Jamie's version of for sure change that. | |
| Feel free. | ||
| Oh, that's so true. | ||
| God, how weird. | ||
| That many allegations! | ||
| Yeah, it's always 100% guilty if they're saying that they have all this stuff. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's just, it's weird stuff, too, man. | ||
| The mutilated animals and shit, like, what's, hmm. | ||
| And if people still be like, he did everything but. | ||
| He did everything but. | ||
| He just liked to cuddle with them at night, didn't do anything creepy to them. | ||
| He looked at pictures, sure, but that's not actions. | ||
| Well, if you take a kid's head, here's the thing. | ||
| That might be the only way he could legally possess child pornography. | ||
| That might be the only way he could have legally possessed child pornography, by taking a photo of a kid's head and putting it on an adult's body where two adults are having sex, which is apparently what he did. | ||
| He superimposed the photos or had someone do it. | ||
| That might be like a legal loophole that allows you to watch child porn. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Where you could have that and people... | ||
| You'd have to do a really good job of it, but yeah, for sure. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| I want a young boy. | ||
| I don't know if there's any loopholes for child porn. | ||
| But it's not child porn, because it's adult porn. | ||
| No, you just have a picture of a guy, of a little boy's face. | ||
| No, I think you might have a point, though. | ||
| Because I think I read something recently about... | ||
| They were taking... | ||
| Goddammit, what was the... | ||
| They were saying... | ||
| Oh, it was about... | ||
| It had to do with anime. | ||
| It had to do with animated stuff. | ||
| And they were... | ||
| It was pretty explicitly saying that even animated child pornography... | ||
| Like if you did like CGI child porn... | ||
| So that's wrong too? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Wow, really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Hmm, right? | ||
| What if they're like little anime baby pandas? | ||
| It seems like a release in Urge. | ||
| Gotta let him jerk off. | ||
| It's hard because you know what? | ||
| I'm with you. | ||
| And no one gets hurt in the making of it. | ||
| And I feel like a hypocrite because I've always resisted the pornography equals rape of women idea. | ||
| Because I just don't think it. | ||
| But then again, it doesn't do that to me. | ||
| Just because it doesn't do that to me doesn't mean it can't foster that in somebody. | ||
| But it's one of those things where like, okay, look, if you eat a whole bottle of aspirin, you could fucking die. | ||
| Should we only sell aspirin one at a time to prevent death? | ||
| Should you have to go to the store and buy one aspirin or should I fucking trust you with a hundred aspirin in your house? | ||
| I say trust me. | ||
| Trust you, right? | ||
| So that's got to be the same way with porn because for a lot of us, you watch porn, you're just watching two people have sex, you get excited, you jerk off, you feel better, you move on with your life. | ||
| You're taking care of a biological need. | ||
| It doesn't foster some fucking need to rape in a normal person. | ||
| I get more aggressive when I haven't had sex in two weeks. | ||
| I like how you bend down when you say that. | ||
| You're like, oh, more aggressive. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I mean, that's what gets me worked up. | ||
| Not getting laid. | ||
| Not watching porn. | ||
| This also could not be true. | ||
| There's been an update as of today, since we've been doing podcasts, that say Michael Jackson's estate reached out to Vanity Fair and said everything in these reports, including what the County of Santa Barbara calls content that appears to be obtained off the internet or through unknown sources, is false. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Of course they would do that. | ||
| And maybe that guy would just tell it to get him. | ||
| It's one website that started reporting all this. | ||
| That could all be bullshit. | ||
| Totally could be bullshit. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| I'm going to throw out the evidence of that guy, the former DA, because he's definitely got an axe to grind. | ||
| He's not impartial. | ||
| He could be upset that he didn't nab that guy. | ||
| Who the fuck knows, man? | ||
| It doesn't mean everything's thrown out. | ||
| Here's the thing, right? | ||
| If you know, if you knew that guy was guilty, And you couldn't do anything about it. | ||
| You couldn't get him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And you were a former DA. You would fucking go to great lengths. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'll go to the press. | |
| Fuck him. | ||
| Fuck his legacy. | ||
| I know we did that shit. | ||
| You remember during the Mark Furman days, where they accused Mark Furman of planting evidence? | ||
| I think they're pretty sure he did, right? | ||
| Aren't they pretty sure he planted evidence? | ||
| Like, he planted blood or something? | ||
| In that documentary, I haven't watched it all yet, but they were saying something about it. | ||
| He showed up with, like, a baseball bat and some crazy shit, and they had to, like, talk him away from having a baseball bat. | ||
| OJ did? | ||
| No, no, Mark Furman did, I think. | ||
| He showed up somewhere with a baseball bat? | ||
| That night when the three detectives, and he was one of the three that showed up to OJ's house. | ||
| He had a bat with him, like, he was gonna... | ||
| Feed up OJ or some shit. | ||
| Are you sure? | ||
| Are you sure you don't have that story screwed up? | ||
| I thought it was OJ had a bat. | ||
| I'll look it up again. | ||
| I thought OJ was looking at him and wouldn't come out of the house because he saw that or something. | ||
| Oh, so Mark Furman was out of his house with a baseball bat. | ||
| I'll check. | ||
| Get the fuck out of here. | ||
| So he's a loose cannon ready to beat OJ up. | ||
| Why would a cop have a baseball bat? | ||
| Don't you have a gun? | ||
| Guns are better to use, but... | ||
| You just want to beat the guy, maybe? | ||
| Intimidation factor? | ||
| Maybe he's not going to use it? | ||
| Just like... | ||
| Maybe he's into that Walkin' Tall movie. | ||
| Oh, no, you're right. | ||
| What? | ||
| I guess O.J. did have it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Mark Furman had to pull out a baton on O.J. Simpson to get him to drop a baseball bat. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He battered Nicole when he called police. | ||
| So that was before that happened. | ||
| How dare you mix these things up? | ||
| Joe Rogan's shooting holes. | ||
| Damn. | ||
| How dare you? | ||
| That's the name of your new hunting podcast. | ||
| Ooh, shooting holes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeehaw! | ||
| Holes and deer. | ||
| But the point was, they think that Mark Furman planted evidence, though. | ||
| So, like, if he did... | ||
| Though that's what they said. | ||
| Well, someone said he did. | ||
| Right? | ||
| I don't know if they proved it. | ||
| That's what the prosecution kept telling the press, for sure. | ||
| Or not the prosecution, the defense. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| I mean, you know, they just... | ||
| Did you see that 30 for 30? | ||
| No, I did not. | ||
| I heard it's awesome, though. | ||
| Yeah, I haven't watched it yet. | ||
| Oh, you either. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We should both pretend we watched it and talk shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And have everybody online get angry. | |
| Supposedly the best documentary ever made. | ||
| That's what I've been hearing a lot. | ||
| That's strong words. | ||
| Let's let it be out for a month before you decide it's the best thing ever. | ||
| They showed it at Sundance, and everyone watched the whole thing there in its entirety. | ||
| I've got two words for you. | ||
| Grizzly man. | ||
| That was a good movie. | ||
| Everybody stop. | ||
| But if the guy planted evidence, my point was if he knew that OJ did it, right? | ||
| If OJ had beat up his girlfriend before or his wife before and he had a baseball bat and they had to talk him down and, you know, but he was this football star and everybody kept it under wraps, if he fucking knew that the guy did it, like the guy was like close to doing it a couple of times and never did it like this with the baseball bat, I wonder what that fucking thought process is where I'm just gonna take one of these gloves, dip it in a little bit of blood, and chuck it in his fucking bushes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Fuck him. | ||
| Fuck him. | ||
| I know he did it. | ||
| Hey guys, I found something over here. | ||
| Holy shit, we got it. | ||
| It's the glove. | ||
| It's got her blood on it. | ||
| Quickly, in the bag. | ||
| Zip it tight. | ||
| Take it over to the lab. | ||
| Tested positive for Nicole's blood. | ||
| We got him! | ||
| We got him! | ||
| The glove didn't fit. | ||
| You must have quit. | ||
| How did it not fit? | ||
| Because he has big-ass hands, and he just went like that. | ||
| Was it really not his glove? | ||
| Spread his hands. | ||
| Oh, he just tried not to get it on. | ||
| Dude, if you watch it, it's ridiculous. | ||
| If you want to put a pair of gloves on, you go like this. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| If you open your fingers, you're doing them to articulate your fingers into the holes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I can't get it on. | |
| You don't do that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I can't get it on. | |
| You don't fucking palm a basketball. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| That's what he was doing. | ||
| I have another glove on, too. | ||
| A plastic glove underneath. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Did he? | |
| I think so. | ||
| Oh, that's even more horrific. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Let's show a video of it. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| This is one of the most preposterous moments in history. | ||
| They interrupted my some sort of sociology class in college and let one of this lady listen on the radio. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah, you're right, Jamie. | |
| Tell us when the verdict comes in. | ||
| You're right. | ||
| By the way, it fits great. | ||
| See, they're saying, doesn't it fit? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look at it. | |
| He's got rubber gloves on underneath and he's pretending he can't get it any further. | ||
| What do you mean it doesn't fit? | ||
| It fits great. | ||
| For those rubber gloves? | ||
| Look at that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's rubber gloves. | |
| Fits great. | ||
| No, it's a little off. | ||
| It's a little off him. | ||
| I can see what he's saying. | ||
| He can't get over the knuckle. | ||
|
unidentified
|
People's 164A. Is that the right hand glove? | |
| He's like, I can't. | ||
| I can't do it. | ||
| It looks like he's pretending like he's trying to get them on. | ||
| It doesn't look as preposterous as I remember. | ||
| But I remember it. | ||
| Meemaw Fanny Bravo is here. | ||
| He'd have me convinced. | ||
| I'm telling you, bro! | ||
| It's his son! | ||
| Okay, let me see these gloves, OJ. Pull them up. | ||
| He's pulling on. | ||
| He's actually legitimately pulling on. | ||
| Yeah, he's trying. | ||
| He's trying. | ||
| But he does have rubber gloves on underneath. | ||
| But that's not that much. | ||
| No, it's a big difference if you have a pair of Italian racing gloves. | ||
| Those are thin little. | ||
| Yeah, but that's the point. | ||
| Those Italian racing gloves, they fit right over your skin. | ||
| They're for racing. | ||
| That's what those are. | ||
| And murdering. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And murdering. | |
| Do you think the people who own the glove company were like, can we use this? | ||
| Is this good for us? | ||
| Can we market this at all? | ||
| Let's just leak it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Leak it to the press. | |
| I don't want to promote it. | ||
| That would be a great billboard at the time to have Mondavi gloves. | ||
| You know you've seen them. | ||
| Well, that's what Joey Diaz said they were doing in New York after Len Bias died. | ||
| They were selling his coke. | ||
| This is the shit that killed Len Bias, dog. | ||
| Get over here and get some of this. | ||
| That's what Joey said about the shit that killed Freddy Soto. | ||
| He's like, I want that good shit. | ||
| Give me this shit you sold Freddy Soto. | ||
| God's hunger, don't hold back at me. | ||
| That's Joey's go-to move when someone dies. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Use them to get better drugs. | |
| To use their memory. | ||
| To joke about it, saying that he wants that. | ||
| It's the only good stuff. | ||
| If there was a drug that you could buy that killed a guy, like say if there was a guy like Len Bias today and cocaine was legal, and this guy was buying Pepsi cocaine. | ||
| Sorry, Pepsi. | ||
| I didn't mean nothing about that. | ||
| Don't do it. | ||
| And if they died, do you think the sales would go up? | ||
| For sure, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, for sure. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| If you've killed someone famous like that? | ||
| If you've got Mike's Coke, dude, it's Mike's Coke. | ||
| Is this the Mike's Coke that killed a basketball player? | ||
| Dude, it's the shit. | ||
| Dude, if I saw some weed that gave someone a panic attack, I would be like, no, no, no, let me try. | ||
| People use it as a bragging right. | ||
| What's his name? | ||
| Don't say his name? | ||
|
unidentified
|
DiPaolo. | |
| Oh, did he? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nick did? | |
| Of course he did. | ||
| And he was like, alright, it was too much for me. | ||
| I was like, save me that weed. | ||
| You need to save that for me. | ||
| I'll be home soon. | ||
| It was over the winter. | ||
| I was like, I will be home. | ||
| I need to try that. | ||
| What is he doing? | ||
| Edibles before he goes to bed? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| A lot of people like that. | ||
| It's a relaxing thing before they go to bed. | ||
| It's real popular with the kids these days. | ||
| Yeah, sleep the whole night. | ||
| Yeah, but you can fucking, you can go on a bad ride. | ||
| You can definitely go on a bad ride. | ||
| You gotta be careful. | ||
| Did you wake up and forget? | ||
| Barris went to the hospital. | ||
| I had crazy dreams about being on slippery rooftops. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Woo! | |
| Really? | ||
| On edibles? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Edible dreams. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| Edible dreams are slippery. | ||
| Being on scary rooftops? | ||
| Yeah, slippery rooftops. | ||
| So you're just always falling off? | ||
| Near the edge, near the edge. | ||
| Woo! | ||
| Scary. | ||
| Why am I up here? | ||
| Why am I up here? | ||
| You're never in your dream like, what am I even doing here? | ||
| I don't come to places like this. | ||
| How did I get up here? | ||
| Yeah, what am I doing on a roof? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That was every scene in Memento, not Memento, Inception. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| It was like, wait a minute, wait a minute. | ||
| When did I get here? | ||
| Oh, fuck. | ||
| That movie was very weird. | ||
| It was so good, though. | ||
| Have you watched it twice? | ||
| No, I need to watch it a second time. | ||
| Yeah, me too, me too. | ||
| Yeah, I enjoyed it, but I didn't enjoy it as much as a lot of people enjoyed it. | ||
| I thought it was just... | ||
| Here's the deal. | ||
| It had me talking for two weeks after. | ||
| You know what the problem is? | ||
| Which is a sign of a good movie. | ||
| Yeah, well, it's definitely a provocative movie and fucking amazingly well done. | ||
| But the problem is not even with the movie itself, but with the idea of it. | ||
| When your reality that you're creating in whatever this dream state that they're putting these people into, right? | ||
| If the reality they're creating is that convincing, like, how is it any different? | ||
| Like, you're like, don't enjoy this. | ||
| This isn't even real. | ||
| Well, it's exactly the same thing as real. | ||
| Yeah, I get enjoyment out of it. | ||
| Yeah, it's not like, like, if you bought a fake Ferrari. | ||
| Well, that was his wife. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| His wife's like, no, no, I'm staying here. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| This is great. | ||
| Yeah, why not? | ||
| Why wouldn't you stay? | ||
| Where the fuck are you going to go? | ||
| Are you going to go to the real world? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I want to go to the world where I can touch it and know I can put it on a scale. | |
| Oh wait, his wife wasn't real. | ||
| One of them wasn't real. | ||
| They're all fucking just as real. | ||
|
unidentified
|
His wife died. | |
| That's it. | ||
| He remade his wife and she turned evil. | ||
| Perfect. | ||
| Perfect. | ||
| Like, what are you complaining about? | ||
| What, you need to be in the real world, you pussy? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's the same exact world. | ||
| It feels exactly the same. | ||
| You're going through it the same way. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, if you could drive a brand new Ferrari, get the smell. | |
| Dude, have you ever tried to quit something, like carbs or cigarettes or anything like that? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Or even coffee, and you dream about the thing you've quit? | ||
| Probably. | ||
| I've had dreams about cigarettes, and I wake up with a negative feeling like, fuck! | ||
| I goddamn smoked again! | ||
| It takes me like 20 or 30 minutes to get the feeling out of me. | ||
| Like, no, it's just a dream, but the feeling remains. | ||
| You're a weird one when it comes to this cigarette thing, but you're a weird one in that, you know, when you describe it, you have a very honest way of describing the addiction to cigarettes. | ||
| You're a smart dude, so you know exactly what's going on. | ||
| What do you mean? | ||
| But you know what's going on, like the weirdness of this, the addiction to cigarettes. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| So when you quit, when you quit and you would talk about this desire, even though you intellectualize the fact that it's stupid. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Chemical addiction. | |
| But your way of describing it is very honest in the way that it's like, oh, okay. | ||
| It's like a demon. | ||
| You can't get around it. | ||
| Or it'll fuck you. | ||
| Like, come on. | ||
| Come back to me. | ||
| Climbs into your breath. | ||
| I'm in you again. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Moving around your lungs. | |
| Feels so good. | ||
| I was in Thailand. | ||
| Four years removed from a cigarette. | ||
| I've had a cigar or two, but those are quick. | ||
| You don't really inhale them. | ||
| And we were in a zoo late at night. | ||
| PDC had a cigarette. | ||
| I was like, you know, this feels fucking right. | ||
| Warm out, you know? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I was like, let me have one. | ||
| I smoked like two, three quarters of it. | ||
| And I was like, okay, cool, I'm done. | ||
| And then the next day I was like, I want a cigarette. | ||
| It was right back in, just like you were saying. | ||
| Just like that act out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| It gets in there again. | ||
| I had to be like, no, no, no. | ||
| Come on, Nari. | ||
| No, I made a mistake last night. | ||
| Smart people smoke cigarettes. | ||
| No, we should not have done that again. | ||
| No. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Come on, man, I'm relaxing. | ||
| Just come in for a second, but then you gotta go. | ||
| I'll make you calm. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| We shouldn't do that anymore. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Come on, man, chill out. | |
| All right, today, this is the last time. | ||
| Then this is the last time. | ||
| Then no more after this, though, all right? | ||
| Say it. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| You just get back on the ride. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You want to... | ||
| Ah, fuck it. | ||
| And then you're in. | ||
| Big Jay and his girlfriend started smoking again. | ||
| They're like, no, we just did it on the weekend in Philly. | ||
| I'm like, no, you're smoking again. | ||
| They're like, no, we're quitting. | ||
| I'm like, oh, no. | ||
| You're already saying what we're gonna... | ||
| No, you've already fully committed to smoking. | ||
| It's been like a year now they're still smoking. | ||
| You know, they say that nicotine has nootropic properties to it, just like alpha brain or neuro one or something like that. | ||
| What is nootropic? | ||
| What does that mean? | ||
| It means it's like a mental stimulant in the sense of... | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| ...increases memory, increases cognitive function. | ||
| It's not a stimulant like... | ||
| A lot of writers write on it, right? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| A lot of writers do. | ||
| And you know what I started doing? | ||
| Because of Joey Diaz, I'll get one of those blue cigarette things and I'll suck on them before a show. | ||
| Nicotine? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Are you crazy? | ||
| No, it's not nicotine that you have to worry about. | ||
| Nicotine actually has health benefits. | ||
| So nicotine is what's addictive. | ||
| It's... | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| It doesn't work like that with me. | ||
| Do you crave the e-cigarette more? | ||
| No. | ||
| No, I might not have one for a month. | ||
| And then sometimes I like to suck on them before a show. | ||
| You're an orangutan, though. | ||
| Your body doesn't react to people's. | ||
| Maybe, though. | ||
| I think it does. | ||
| Yeah, I guess so. | ||
| With nicotine, I guess it would. | ||
| Yeah, I think it would. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, I smoked a cigarette the other day with Doug Stanhope. | ||
| No way. | ||
| Yeah, I didn't smoke a cigarette, but I took a hit of his cigarette. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I took a hit of Tony Hinchcliffe's cigarette once before I went on stage, too. | ||
| Feels good. | ||
| Feels good. | ||
| Gives you a little buzz. | ||
| So I just want one hit of this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| But that, um... | ||
| Remember that buzz off a cigarette? | ||
| Remember that? | ||
| Like, oh man, I'm woozy for a little bit. | ||
| Yeah, because if you don't smoke and you take a hit off of a cigarette, it definitely gives you like a weird little buzz. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Uh-huh. | |
| Well, it's a carcinogen, too. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But I think there's also some sort of stimulating factor of all those different chemicals the FDA kindly allows them to put into that shit. | ||
| So what's the addictive then? | ||
| What's the thing that gets you addicted? | ||
| There's a lot of factors. | ||
| One of it is smoking of the cigarette, like the nicotine in that form is apparently more addictive in some strange way. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Maybe it's because the delivery method is more powerful and potent. | ||
| Maybe it's because of all the other chemicals. | ||
| Did you see that Insider movie with Russell Crowe? | ||
| Did you ever see that? | ||
| I know what you're talking about, though. | ||
| Good fucking movie. | ||
| If it's factual. | ||
| I'm not sure if it is, but I think it is. | ||
| Because you've got to have your ducks in a row when you make a goddamn expose movie with Russell Crowe about the cigarette industry. | ||
| It's gotta sound right. | ||
| Most likely. | ||
| I mean, otherwise it wouldn't be available anymore. | ||
| They would remove it from iTunes and all that shit. | ||
| But it's essentially, Russell Crowe, if you haven't seen it, is a super scientist that they have engineered these cigarettes to make them more addictive. | ||
| Then he testifies about it. | ||
| And they go to his house, and they scare him, and they threaten him, and all this shit. | ||
| It's creepy. | ||
| It's fucking creepy. | ||
| So apparently, it's true though. | ||
| There are a bunch of different chemicals, like hundreds of them, that they allow these companies to put into cigarettes that alter the flavor profile and all sorts of other different things they do, but it also makes them more addictive. | ||
| And he outlines them in the movie and explains how they engineered it. | ||
| So that's why when you're taking a hit off those things, it's different than a cigar or different than a lot of other ways that you're getting tobacco. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But even, like, chewing tobacco is addictive. | ||
| People get addicted to that shit. | ||
| People have holes in their mouths. | ||
| It can get addictive. | ||
| But it's soaking, jerking off. | ||
| Soaking a lot of things. | ||
| That's different, though. | ||
| That's like mental addiction. | ||
| Soaking coffee. | ||
| Coffee can be addictive. | ||
| Coffee, for sure. | ||
| Nicotine myth busted. | ||
| Nicotine does not cause addiction. | ||
| There you go. | ||
| health forum Nicotine by itself is only a mild central central system stimulant similar to caffeine has very mild addictive properties also much like caffeine Well, I know for a fact that caffeine is pretty fucking addictive. | ||
| Yeah Yeah, you have withdrawal symptoms of caffeine. | ||
| If you get headaches when you quit, that's not like you quit seat cushions. | ||
| I was going way too hard at one point in time writing. | ||
| Where I would make a pot of fucking coffee and I would down that shit at like 9 p.m. | ||
| and write till 5, 6 o'clock in the morning just jacked out of my mind on coffee. | ||
| And when I tried to quit that, I had a problem. | ||
| I had headaches. | ||
| Like my head was like... | ||
| My body was like, you're going to have to deal with a ridiculous amount of stimulants over the course of seven hours. | ||
| Gear up. | ||
| And then once I shut the fucking fun farm down, they were like, hey, where's all I fucking... | ||
| We got used to that. | ||
| Come on, bro. | ||
| Headaches. | ||
| How long did the headaches last for? | ||
| A couple days. | ||
| So you started drinking coffee again? | ||
| No. | ||
| I never drank it like that again. | ||
| I'll never drink more than a couple of cups a day. | ||
| But I thought it was bad for you at one point in time, which has also been debunked. | ||
| Caffeine? | ||
| Yeah, no, coffee itself. | ||
| Coffee itself is not bad for you. | ||
| And caffeine in the form of coffee is not necessarily bad for you either, but it's like one of those things where you can fuck it up if you just go too hard. | ||
| So, like, what I was doing when I was writing, when I was drinking, like, literally pots of that shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Damn. | |
| Probably, like, overrunning my adrenals. | ||
| Yeah, I remember you and Tate used to get that late-night Starbucks in Sacramento. | ||
| Oh, yeah, and sleep like babies. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like, wait, what? | |
| What? | ||
| It's going to bedtime. | ||
| Why would you drink that now? | ||
| It doesn't make sense. | ||
| Tate loves coffee. | ||
| I'm so glad I never got into that shit. | ||
| It's delicious. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It makes me feel good. | |
| I hate that taste. | ||
| I don't know when people stop being kids. | ||
| Yeah, I don't know. | ||
| Well, there's also a lot of other ways that you can get caffeine. | ||
| You can get caffeine. | ||
| Freebase? | ||
| No, you can get it in other ways. | ||
| Yeah, Coca-Cola. | ||
| Like teas? | ||
| Yerba mate? | ||
| You ever have Yerba mate? | ||
| I think so. | ||
| It's good stuff. | ||
| I believe I have. | ||
| It's like a stimulant sort of a tea. | ||
| Yeah, like ginger. | ||
| There's a lot of those things, man. | ||
| There's a lot of groovy-ass stimulants that you could purchase. | ||
| You know what else is stimulant? | ||
| Ari Shaffir at the Comedy Store tomorrow night. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, you son of a bitch! | |
| Thursday night. | ||
| How dare you! | ||
| How dare you work it in like that! | ||
| Guys, I'm doing my hour. | ||
| Only time in L.A. I'm doing it. | ||
| So come tomorrow night. | ||
| Get tickets at AriShaffir.com. | ||
| It's only ten bucks. | ||
| I have like 80 more seats I don't want to fill up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jesus. | |
| So hurry up and get them. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| We'll just put the wings out if not. | ||
| But it should be fun. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I knew I was going really well. | ||
| It should be fun. | ||
| Well, I'll tweet it too. | ||
| Okay, cool. | ||
| Thanks. | ||
| Glorious. | ||
| You want to open? | ||
| I need an opener. | ||
| I can't. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| So what the fuck's going on, man? | ||
| What's the latest? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I went to Bonnaroo. | ||
| It was really fun. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| It was really fun. | ||
| Where is Bonnaroo? | ||
| Is it like Tennessee or something? | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| Manchester, Tennessee. | ||
| Is it near Nashville? | ||
| Yeah, like an hour away. | ||
| How big is Tennessee? | ||
| Like if you drive through the whole thing? | ||
| It was a full day. | ||
| We stopped in Nashville and then we stopped in Memphis the next night. | ||
| We drove like 10 hours. | ||
| Whoa, 10 hours through Nashville? | ||
| I think so. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| I would drive until the sun went down and then we would just stop. | ||
| See, I always think of states like Massachusetts. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| If you drive 10 hours, you're not in Massachusetts anymore. | ||
| Right, right, right. | ||
| In any direction. | ||
| Tennessee's really long. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's a big-ass, long-ass, hot state. | ||
| It's the wiener dog of states. | ||
| Is it? | ||
| Yeah, I guess so. | ||
| Based on its length and height. | ||
| So, Bonnaroo had... | ||
| You did some weird shows. | ||
| Like, you did that 1, 2.30 in the morning show that we were talking about. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It was great. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| Yeah, I just spread it word of mouth. | ||
| A little bit on Twitter last minute. | ||
| I was like, I'm finding out when I get there, I'm finding out where it's going to be and when. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| I took a Sharpie. | ||
| I wrote it on people's hands. | ||
| I run into them. | ||
| Like, what are you doing? | ||
| I'm doing a show. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Where? | |
| At Christmas Barn. | ||
| I was like, say it back to me. | ||
| Christmas Barn. | ||
| I'm like, all right, what time? | ||
| And then I started writing on people's arms. | ||
| Xmas Barn, 2.30 Friday. | ||
| Well, for people who don't understand why he did that, everybody was fucked up on drugs. | ||
| You kind of had to do that. | ||
| Everybody's fucked up at that point. | ||
| Or just super tired. | ||
| Even drunk. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But usually drugs. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| It's a drug. | ||
| It's a drug festival. | ||
| But drunk is a drug. | ||
| We fucked up in classification of drugs in this country. | ||
| Drunk seems as inebriating as any of the other stuff. | ||
| It's a drug. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But somehow or another, we've found ourselves in this position where most people are in denial that they do drugs while they drink. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then you're going to put mushroom and heroin in the same category? | ||
| Drugs? | ||
| A way worse category! | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Way worse category. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Come on. | |
| It's hilarious. | ||
| Come on. | ||
| But we've been hoodwinked by booze. | ||
| God damn it. | ||
| Not that I don't like booze. | ||
| I enjoy it. | ||
| It's so much more socially acceptable. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| Way more drunk driving. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Way more everything. | ||
| Did you hear what's his name said in Canada? | ||
| Trudeau? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What'd he say? | ||
| He's the first guy to take this stance on this. | ||
| Where instead of saying, the other side always takes, we've got to protect children. | ||
| Children are going to get it. | ||
| And the only defense against that is, well, it's got benefits to sick people and stuff like that. | ||
| It's not really a defense of their argument. | ||
| Trudeau is like, Canada has, I think, top five instances of underage people getting marijuana. | ||
| It's really bad there. | ||
| He's like, we're already not protecting them. | ||
| Let's regulate it so that we can protect kids. | ||
| Because he goes, look, I think it should be legal, but I also see there's problems with people getting it when they're developing, when their mind is developing. | ||
| I agree. | ||
| So let's do what we can to keep it out of their hands, which is legalization, regularization. | ||
| Regulation. | ||
| Regulation. | ||
| Like alcohol. | ||
| If alcohol was fully illegal and you just get it from mafia guys... | ||
| 14-year-olds will have the same access as 34-year-olds. | ||
| That's a very good point. | ||
| That's probably the best point for it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Now they've got to find some cool 22-year-old. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's the only way they can get it. | ||
| That 22-year-old's taking a big chance these days. | ||
| Taking a chance. | ||
| I think that shit's a giant felony. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| When we were kids, it wasn't nothing. | ||
| Or fake ID or stealing from your dad. | ||
| People always sold booze. | ||
| You would wait outside a liquor store and a guy would buy booze for you. | ||
| You tell him you give him 20 bucks? | ||
| They didn't give a fuck. | ||
| 20 bucks surcharge, then the price of the whatever? | ||
| Yeah, just tell the guy. | ||
| We'll give you 20 bucks if you go and get us a fucking case. | ||
| We may or may not have used the drive-thrus and they would just give it to us when we were 17, 18 years old. | ||
| Yeah, they don't give a fuck. | ||
| Especially in Ohio. | ||
| They're trying to get you drunk so you stay. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| Get somebody pregnant. | ||
| We can't lose you. | ||
| We need to keep you around, son. | ||
| If getting you drunk is how we do it. | ||
| Yeah, it's weird that we have this one drug we give a pass to. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And it's the one that's the most destructive to your health. | ||
| It's fucking bananas. | ||
| It really is. | ||
| You get into fights? | ||
| Well, the problem is, it's existed for so long, and it hasn't changed yet, in spite of all we know. | ||
| So, like, more recently, this Nixon thing came out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Where they admitted... | ||
| That the whole reason why they instituted this war on drugs is to try to break up the civil rights movement and to try to break up the anti-war movement. | ||
| How? | ||
| Because they knew that the people involved in the civil rights movement and the anti-war... | ||
| Were doing drugs. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Damn you're fast, Jamie. | ||
| He's the best. | ||
| The civil rights movement and the anti-war movement were doing marijuana. | ||
| So they... | ||
| Decided that was the way. | ||
| Yeah, that was the way to go after them. | ||
| To break up those organizations by arresting their members for drug-related crimes, locking them up in jail. | ||
| Really interesting stuff. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| But it's a fact. | ||
| So it's one of those things where, you know, you hear like an Alex Jones type guy talk about it, you know? | ||
| Yeah, you kind of don't believe it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And you see that sexual proof. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Then you see something like this and you go, that is exactly how they operate it. | ||
| But it's still stuck in your head of like, yeah, but they're different. | ||
| Well, you know, there was a WikiLeaks thing that Facebook is apparently censoring. | ||
| See that? | ||
| That was another one of the things that I wanted to talk to you about, where they're saying that there was all this Hillary Clinton emails that Facebook is censoring that they don't want to get out, that WikiLeaks is trying to print. | ||
| And then Facebook says we won't let you retweet that? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I'm not sure how they stop something like that. | ||
| I heard about this leak about some Hillary Clinton stuff. | ||
| One of the hackers said he gave it to Assange. | ||
| Right, but the problem is you have to trust the hacker? | ||
| No, no. | ||
| You don't trust the hacker. | ||
| It has Julian Assange. | ||
| That's who you trust because he's never let us down. | ||
| He's only put out stuff that's real. | ||
| He sounds like a good team. | ||
| I'm just saying, his word is, I will put out real shit only. | ||
| Keep that up, so I can take a look at it. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Dear Facebook, stop censoring our Hillary Clinton email release. | ||
| No, really, stop it. | ||
| There is no technical issue. | ||
| Huh. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, wow. | |
| Hmm. | ||
| And WikiLeaks is putting that up on Twitter with a photograph of it. | ||
| This is interesting. | ||
| So... | ||
| See, the problem is when you're getting something from a guy who hacked into her email server, how is it not possible that he could trick them? | ||
| He's so fucking smart that he can get into her email server. | ||
| Trick who? | ||
| Hillary Clinton. | ||
| Like, they got into her email to get this stuff. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Right? | ||
| I mean, this is what they're saying. | ||
| Yeah, so? | ||
| How do we know? | ||
| I mean, someone who could do that can make it look like he did it, too. | ||
| You can make it look like, say that again? | ||
| Someone who can hack into a server. | ||
| I'm just assuming. | ||
| Tell me if I'm right or wrong. | ||
| Yeah, maybe, but there's not the only person that have claimed to have hacked the server either. | ||
| Russian hackers, as of yesterday, I think I saw, say they're in there right now. | ||
| So there's a gang of different people who have hacked it. | ||
| I think once you get that password... | ||
| And the issue is she's like, don't worry about it. | ||
| I have this secret server on my own for no reason. | ||
| You don't have to... | ||
| 30,322 emails pulled from a private account she was using during her tenure as the Secretary of State. | ||
| You know, I have this guy in here who was a CIA guy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And he said pretty flat out if he had done any of the things that she did, he'd be in jail. | ||
| Who? | ||
| The CIA guy was telling me that if he did any of the things that she did with this email server, she'd be in jail. | ||
| Yeah, this guy, Mike Baker, very interesting guy. | ||
| Yeah, they're talking about whether or not they're going to indict her, and it's like, no, the people doing the indicting are her buddies. | ||
| They're not going to indict her, especially not until after, if she loses, then maybe, but not beforehand. | ||
| Well, if this is all coming out right now, it looks like she's going to be the nominee for the Democrats, and this is the part at home where people start going. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I fucking hate it when you talk about politics because you don't know shit. | |
| You're right. | ||
| Leave politics behind and come Thursday night to the Comedy Store at 9pm. | ||
| Okay, go ahead. | ||
| How do I get tickets, Ari? | ||
| AriTheGreat.com or go to TheComedyStore.com. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| Bring a friend. | ||
| This is a terrible time for this stuff to come out because there's no other option. | ||
| It would have to be Bernie Sanders. | ||
| That's the only other option. | ||
| Somehow or another, she would have to be indicted. | ||
| They would have had to come out a month and a half or two months ago. | ||
| And they don't know, like, when people look at it, they don't know whether or not Bernie can win. | ||
| Like, people are pretty sure that Hillary is going to win because you're going to get a lot of women that are going to vote on her just because she's a woman. | ||
| I thought they said, like, Bernie does better against Trump than Hillary does against Trump. | ||
| By the polls. | ||
| Who are these polls? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| Who's taking them? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| Who are these fucking people? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It's all just a good sports vet. | ||
| Jamie had a really good point. | ||
| It's a very good point. | ||
| He said, how come you see all this hype for Bernie Sanders and you don't see any hype for Clinton, and yet Clinton still wins these elections? | ||
| Well, a lot of it is because you had to have changed from an independent to a Democrat like months ago, and then when it's time to vote, you're like, well, I can't vote in the primaries because I'm an independent. | ||
| No, they're both Democrats. | ||
| I'm saying in the primary. | ||
| I'm saying in the primary. | ||
| So then it's too late for them to vote in the primary. | ||
| Okay, so they didn't register in time. | ||
| That's what you're saying? | ||
| No, they had to be registered as independent. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And then they're like, oh no, you can't... | ||
| Even though they're going to vote Democrat... | ||
| Why do they have to be registered as independent? | ||
| No, they were. | ||
| I'm not following you. | ||
| There was all these people who registered as independent. | ||
| Some people were Democrat, Republican, Independent. | ||
| Oh, I see. | ||
| The people who registered as independent couldn't vote in the Democratic primary. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| I understand. | ||
| That's fucking stupid. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| So that's one of the reasons why you see more support than he's actually getting. | ||
| My point was more like, you don't see very, or I don't, very many Hillary bumper stickers and signs and online support. | ||
| Let's start seeing her more now. | ||
| Dude, it's like joining Costco. | ||
| You're joining a club. | ||
| She's garbage. | ||
| You have to join a Democrat club, and that's how you get to vote in the Democratic primaries. | ||
| It's fucking ridiculous. | ||
| How come you can't just vote? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How come a registered voter can't just vote? | ||
| You have to be a registered Democrat to vote? | ||
| For the primary, yes. | ||
| That's ridiculous! | ||
| You should be able to go independent slash Democrat. | ||
| You should be able to do whatever the fuck you want! | ||
| Most people don't vote in these primaries that have been happening, which is the issue. | ||
| This is madness. | ||
| We're just picking our candidates. | ||
| But it's madness. | ||
| Because none of it matters. | ||
| We're all just voting on who gets the paycheck. | ||
| But what a better way to control the system by making you have to be a registered member of the party in order to vote in the primaries. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's hilarious if that's true. | ||
| Boy, I don't want to keep going if it's not true. | ||
| It's also in some states. | ||
| It's state to state. | ||
| It literally matters depending on where you live. | ||
| But let's say you're a Tea Party guy and you're an independent of that side. | ||
| If you're a Tea Party guy, go drown. | ||
| You couldn't vote for the Republican primary. | ||
| If you're like, I would definitely vote for Trump, you couldn't do that either. | ||
| But that's not as, I think, problematic. | ||
| I think the Tea Party started off with a good idea. | ||
| But somewhere along the line, the morons took over. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| First of all, calling it the Tea Party. | ||
| Hey, guys. | ||
| Okay? | ||
| How about a new name? | ||
| Why are you calling yourself the... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well, it's a historical precedent that they set when they threw the tea into the ocean to protest Great Britain. | |
| You will not tax or tariff us. | ||
| Fuck up. | ||
| Dude, Tea Party and Occupy are the same thing. | ||
| You guys have Sarah Palin. | ||
| It's over. | ||
| Sarah Palin's your gal, right? | ||
| They let people talk for them that were like, not the people they should've talked for. | ||
| They let the wrong dummies in. | ||
| It becomes like a business. | ||
| Sort of like if you're like one of those bitchy housewives and everybody knows you as the bitchy housewife. | ||
| Yeah, you gotta ramp it up. | ||
| That's what you do now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You gotta throw drinks at bitches' faces, claw their weaves off. | |
| That must be tiring. | ||
| Just exhausting to be that lady. | ||
| Hey, that's probably off work. | ||
| It's probably like the sheepdog and the coyote. | ||
| Morning, Sam. | ||
| Morning, Ralph. | ||
| And they go off to the... | ||
| Just having a nice conversation. | ||
| Just go, excuse me one second. | ||
| I have to throw this. | ||
| Hold on a second. | ||
| What'd you say, bitch? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bitch! | |
| Okay, I'm sorry. | ||
| Where were we? | ||
| So I think that's what happens. | ||
| I think they take on a role. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know? | ||
| And they just get caught up in it. | ||
| Don't vote. | ||
| It's pointless. | ||
| Everyone at home. | ||
| Stay home. | ||
| It just seems like this way has got to fucking melt down in front of our face until we come up with a better way. | ||
| Sure seems like it. | ||
| It's so dumb. | ||
| This is like some colonial, feather-writing, fucking parchment bullshit. | ||
| The rich people get money from the corporations, and the rich people keep being the ones deciding how the elections go. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So they're going to decide to make it a little more favored towards them. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you have to register for a party to vote in the primary. | ||
| What? | ||
| What? | ||
| Why can't you do that while you're voting? | ||
| This is stupid. | ||
| Primaries are fucking gross. | ||
| Primaries are like a club that you have to belong to, and that's how you pick presidents. | ||
| And by the way, when you become a registered Democrat, that's like being a fucking Raiders fan. | ||
| Yeah, being a team. | ||
| Why can't I just be like, oh, see what people have to offer? | ||
| And I'm not saying anything bad about the Raiders. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, no, no. | |
| That's the worst fan base in sports. | ||
| That's what I heard. | ||
| They're stabby, they're gross. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Stabby! | |
| They're one step below ICP fans. | ||
| Stabby. | ||
| They're stabby. | ||
| They're so glad they're not coming to LA. So glad. | ||
| Let Vegas deal with them. | ||
| Let that city burn with them. | ||
| You're very aggressive. | ||
| Vegas is garbage too. | ||
| How dare you? | ||
| How about that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I see another fucking woman dancing in a cage on the ceiling. | |
| You don't think that's hot? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yep. | |
| That's so edgy. | ||
| There's nothing to that city. | ||
| Dude, it's edgy. | ||
| It's all such fake. | ||
|
unidentified
|
She's got glitter on her ass. | |
| It's edgy. | ||
| It's all like, this is how parties seem like they'd be in movies, right? | ||
| Well, it's also a gang of people on Molly. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| That's mostly what you're handling. | ||
| You're handling, I mean, this is, when you're going to these fucking clubs, it's not a surprise why they all have glow sticks. | ||
| These people are tripping balls. | ||
| Dude, LCD sound system was so good on Molly. | ||
| What's LCD Sound System? | ||
| It's this band, but they use the lights so fucking good. | ||
| They sing that song Daft Punk is playing at my house. | ||
| Remember that? | ||
| No. | ||
| It's like a minor hit. | ||
| They have a couple of minor hits, but man, they blew Pearl Jam out of the water. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, Pearl Jam was just fine. | ||
| Just fine. | ||
| Yeah, but these guys give you a show. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, but you were on drugs. | |
| Yeah, but Jeremiah hasn't ever done any drugs, and he thought LCD Sound System was better, too. | ||
| Wow, interesting. | ||
| Well, so they had a real show. | ||
| Yeah, they go for it. | ||
| They're not just playing to their fans. | ||
| You can't really compete with that if you're just someone who plays your hits and you like to talk about politics in between the song and fucking... | ||
| Fucking Vedder gave like three speeches and he brought his daughter out and made us all sing Happy Birthday to her. | ||
| Ooh, not good, dude. | ||
| The whole Light Show is just them up close playing Happy Birthday to I don't know your goddamn daughter! | ||
| Happy birthday! | ||
| Maybe you could do that. | ||
| This ain't a Pearl Jam show, idiot! | ||
| This is a Bonnaroo show! | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Fucking 10% of us know who you are! | ||
| That's right. | ||
| Win some fans! | ||
| That's actually super important, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah! | |
| That's a good way to look at it, man. | ||
| Dude, half of them coast off their fame, and the other half like, oh, people don't know me here. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Let's go for it. | ||
| Slayer last year, they fucking destroyed. | ||
| That's a good point, dude. | ||
| You know, that goes with comedy, too, man. | ||
| Fuck yeah. | ||
| That goes with everything. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I saw Bill Burr on that, it was like a Comedy Central year in review kind of thing. | ||
| They had those for like three or four years. | ||
| He did five minutes there and he was like, okay, you guys aren't my fans yet. | ||
| This was like six, seven years ago. | ||
| I remember that. | ||
| Yeah, he was just like, and he just hammered him. | ||
| Oh, that was Dane. | ||
| No, it was a different one, but Bill was in this politically correct sort of group of people, and they weren't accepting it, and he had a hammer at home. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, win fans in markets that don't know you. | ||
| That's what they have at these festivals. | ||
| Some people go, that guy, Chris Stapleton. | ||
| We were just sitting there on the lawn. | ||
| He came on, I was like, this guy is good as shit. | ||
| Yeah, he's a bad motherfucker. | ||
| I've listened to that CD, whatever you want to call it, album. | ||
| I guess we can call them albums again. | ||
| Yeah, album. | ||
| Album's cool. | ||
| Album sounds better than CD. It sure does. | ||
| It's not a compact disc. | ||
| So what is it? | ||
| It's an album. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I like album. | |
| Yeah, we go back to album. | ||
| So his new album, or the album that I have, I think it's only one, I think he only has one out. | ||
| It's fucking incredible. | ||
| It's really good. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Amazing stuff. | ||
| Yeah, it was so mellow and nice on a lawn. | ||
| I told you about the time that Stone Temple Pilots played at Dana White's birthday party. | ||
| Damn, yeah. | ||
| And they went for it. | ||
| Smashed it. | ||
| They smashed it. | ||
| All the way to the grave. | ||
| That guy might have been a crazy junkie out of his fucking mind. | ||
| All sorts of personal problems and all that jazz. | ||
| And were there 200 people there? | ||
| Less. | ||
| Maybe 200, but they were scattered all throughout this. | ||
| We had to get people to get closer towards the stage and kind of get excited about the fact that's fucking Stone Temple Pilots. | ||
| That guy could have been in a football stadium filled with people. | ||
| He would have done the exact same show. | ||
| That's how strong it was. | ||
| You put up a video of it. | ||
| Oh, yeah, that's right. | ||
| No way. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| This is Dana White's surprise birthday party. | ||
| Oh, that's right. | ||
| Where's that? | ||
| Nine? | ||
| No. | ||
| That was at... | ||
| I don't remember what it was. | ||
| And then Stone Temple Pilots is in the video? | ||
| Oh, you don't get that now. | ||
| That's just the surprise part. | ||
| It was awesome. | ||
| That's nice and all, but... | ||
| Okay, I thought maybe the video I definitely had but the sound was so loud. | ||
| It was it was useless Oh, right cuz it was my shitty iPhone video, you know, it's like six years ago to six years ago You can't replicate that kind of sound into an iPhone when you're there at the thing. | ||
| It was just noise You couldn't even understand what the fuck it was saying, but My point being that guy was awesome. | ||
| He went for it more than you could ever have hoped He just fucking cranked it out. | ||
| It was amazing. | ||
| And it made me want to go home. | ||
| Go do better. | ||
| Go write some jokes. | ||
| Next time, be better on stage. | ||
| Dude, you can go both ways. | ||
| I saw Smashing Pumpkins at Rockin' the Rage one year. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Garbage. | |
| Garbage? | ||
| I mean, terrible. | ||
| It's just Billy Corgan, and then he gets a fucking Asian bass player and a fucking female blonde, whatever the fuck she plays. | ||
| Isn't he like a serious Republican now? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He might even be like, I'm just making things up now. | ||
| I think he's like super convertible. | ||
| He's changed some of the lyrics of his songs. | ||
| God is empty just like you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Is that what he says? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Now. | |
| Really? | ||
| He plays his old songs on double time. | ||
| It's just fucking awful. | ||
| And then you see a band go for it, and you're like, oh, right, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, he tries to get rid of him. | ||
| Smashing Pumpkins' Billy Corgan praises Trump. | ||
| He's fucking up the political class. | ||
| Well, that's, you know, I've probably said that too. | ||
| Sort of true. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, he's definitely doing that. | ||
| Slam social justice warriors. | ||
| If that was a video of an actual body slam, that would be a video for sure to watch. | ||
| Philly Corn Gorgon going for it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Why did I feel like he's conservative? | ||
| He went south. | ||
| He might be. | ||
| I think he got Christian. | ||
| Did he? | ||
| I think so. | ||
| Come on. | ||
| I think that's why he changed those lyrics. | ||
| I heard that before. | ||
| He was dating Courtney Love before she put out that banging album. | ||
| That one really good album, right? | ||
| No. | ||
| No, the one really good one was Cobain. | ||
| And then the other one... | ||
| He got a hold of her, and then Gavin Rossio got a hold of her, too. | ||
| So they did three total... | ||
| They all banged her? | ||
| You think? | ||
| Well, yeah. | ||
| You think so? | ||
| Think they get that? | ||
| Gavin did? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| You sure? | ||
| No. | ||
| Am I wrong? | ||
| He was married to Gwen Stefani. | ||
| Yeah, but before that... | ||
| Why don't you Google it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What do you mean? | |
| You're the one... | ||
| I was a fan. | ||
| I've literally never heard that. | ||
| Hey, Gavin Rossdale. | ||
| I might be dead wrong. | ||
| It might just be Billy Corrigan. | ||
| Gavin Rossdale. | ||
| That does sound wrong now that I think about it. | ||
| Well, she definitely was banging Ed Norton before he was the Hulk. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, she was banging Ed Norton, allegedly. | ||
| Dude, she was such a fun wreck. | ||
| Just throwing around thrift stores in Philadelphia. | ||
| When she was at her height, she was such a wreck. | ||
| She was crazy. | ||
| You see that documentary that thinks that she had Kurt Cobain killed with the recreations? | ||
| We were talking about it yesterday. | ||
| It was like, I can't trust a movie with recreations. | ||
| Like, you weren't there. | ||
| You don't know what was said, and you're just reproducing it. | ||
| What possibly could have happened was, he went over to her. | ||
| She said, do it, Kurt. | ||
| Do it. | ||
| Oh, you can't do it? | ||
| I'll do it for you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ooh. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| She claimed on an interview on Howard Stern that she had an affair with him. | ||
| With Gavin? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He won. | ||
| He won. | ||
| Ari wins. | ||
| You're wrong twice, Jamie. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How dare you? | |
| I don't think he helped her with that album, though. | ||
| How dare you? | ||
| That was probably Billy Corrigan. | ||
| How about you Google things first before you accuse Ari of being wrong? | ||
| You son of a bitch. | ||
| I saw him, that same Rock in the Range. | ||
| He was great. | ||
| Gavin? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| With Bush. | ||
| Went and played Hey Jude into the crowd and went around. | ||
| Dude, you just have to like what you're doing. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And you'll win everybody over. | ||
| Just be into it. | ||
| Just get really into the stuff you make if it's good. | ||
| Some rockers, after a while, they just get beaten down by the pressure and fans and negativity and all that jazz. | ||
| And then the intoxicating sound of the true lovers of your work. | ||
| They pull you in and lavish you with praise and get your face tattooed on their ass. | ||
| Next thing you know, you start producing good stuff. | ||
| It can happen to anybody. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And it wasn't like Pearl Jam was bad. | ||
| They were just good. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I was positive. | ||
| I told Big J who'd end up not coming. | ||
| I was like, I guarantee you, a band that's like that for 25 years, they're gonna kill it. | ||
| But, uh-oh. | ||
| Apparently, the Stones still kill it. | ||
| The Stones do? | ||
| Apparently, Mick Jagger is still a bad motherfucker. | ||
| And he works out every day. | ||
| He does, like, yoga and lifts weights and does all kinds of crazy shit to keep his body in shape so he can fucking bang it out for, like, an hour and a half show. | ||
| Or a two-hour show. | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| McCartney runs around the whole time. | ||
| Really? | ||
| The guy from Iron Maiden runs around the whole time. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I guess McCartney's older. | ||
| Let me see if there's a video of Mick Jagger. | ||
| A recent video of Mick Jagger on stage. | ||
| I wonder if it's just the opposite. | ||
| He looks like Princess Bunny. | ||
| Could be worse than OJ's glove. | ||
| He's just like... | ||
| Yeah, maybe. | ||
| But I would get a figure. | ||
| How old is Mick Jagger? | ||
| 65? | ||
| I'd say that. | ||
| 67. 67? | ||
| Only 65 in one day for the Price is Right win. | ||
| I might go with 70. Oh, really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Above 70. 72. There's a video of them at last year in concert. | ||
| Yeah, now check this out. | ||
| When you watch him, I'm telling you, man, for a guy who's... | ||
| Oh, wow! | ||
| Dude, my grandpa was... | ||
| He looks like that gay phase that he went through with, what's his name, that just died? | ||
| I just guess he's always looked like that. | ||
| David Bowie? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, he's always looked like this. | ||
| He never got fat. | ||
| I mean, he stayed skinny all these years. | ||
| But that's amazing. | ||
| Yeah, he's still running around. | ||
| Yeah, and he's got a lot of energy. | ||
| He's got a camel toe. | ||
| Jesus, like, bulge. | ||
| What a fucking... | ||
| He did not give a fuck. | ||
| He didn't give a fuck. | ||
| Well, he's still Mick Jagger, you know? | ||
| That's the amazing thing about a rock star. | ||
| Rock stars, they're the same guy. | ||
| It's Mick Jagger at 72. Yeah. | ||
| He's shuffling? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's doing everything. | ||
| He's strutting. | ||
| But here's the thing. | ||
| He's moving loose and relaxed. | ||
| He's not moving like a 70-year-old guy. | ||
| He's got a lot of energy. | ||
| Apparently, he's just a fanatic about working out. | ||
| Works out every day. | ||
| This is according to Brian Callen, though. | ||
| He might have made that up. | ||
| You never know. | ||
| When people say he works out every day, that's also an exaggeration for it. | ||
| He works out like four times a week. | ||
| Yeah, I don't think working out every day is smart. | ||
| Yeah, right? | ||
| Doesn't no one do that? | ||
| A lot of people definitely do. | ||
| I just don't think it's the move. | ||
| I think your body responds better when you give it little breaks. | ||
| Yeah, right? | ||
| Rebuild one day? | ||
| So I've heard. | ||
| But I think what is also important is you build up a certain level, like with a Mick Jagger, and then you maintain that. | ||
| That's very critical that you maintain that level. | ||
| Because once you dip, like you just... | ||
| You can't get it back. | ||
| It's hard. | ||
| It's super hard to get it back. | ||
| You're fucking 72, man. | ||
| Come on, son. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Also, your bones start to break in the heel, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| This guy on the podcast earlier, Shane Dorian, big wave surfer, great guy, really interesting dude. | ||
| Really fun. | ||
| But he was talking about hurting his back. | ||
| He's 43. He took five months off of working out because he was busy traveling and then tried to go back in with a light workout. | ||
| Just a light workout. | ||
| Five months off. | ||
| Fucked his back up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Yeah, it happens, man. | ||
| Get old as fuck. | ||
| You got to maintain. | ||
| Remember that Married Children where Peggy got a personal trainer? | ||
| No. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Did she fuck him? | |
| No, she made him eat bonbons until he died. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| What does it say here? | ||
| This is supposedly his workout routine he does. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| He trains five to six days a week. | ||
| His workouts emphasize stamina and balance. | ||
| Leading up to a tour, Mick Jagger runs eight miles a day, including sprints. | ||
| What?! | ||
| He also swims, kickboxes, and cycles. | ||
| This would explain his ability to sing and move continuously during a concert without sounding short of breath. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| He does some resistant training to maintain his balance and his posture. | ||
| He takes ballet lessons and performs yoga and Pilates. | ||
| On stage, I did not witness any hesitancy in his movements, and he still moves with a certain amount of fluidity, grace, and efficiency. | ||
| He's been known to cover 12 miles on stage while he's dancing and strutting Wow Throwing a concert No one's measuring that, they're guessing Yeah Assholes You know Somebody's like doing the replay on the map 12 miles Fuck you How about fuck you Wait a minute That's horse shit It takes three hours to run a fucking marathon Okay That's what it says on here It says at that pace he'd be able to do a marathon in just under four hours. | ||
| If calculated correctly. | ||
| That's not true. | ||
| Yeah, that's not true. | ||
| He's stopping a lot of it. | ||
| He's not moving at all. | ||
| That's total horseshit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How dare you? | |
| Four-hour concert? | ||
| Maybe four-hour concert? | ||
| They don't put on four-hour concerts, do they? | ||
| It's not 12 miles, though. | ||
| Get out of here. | ||
| There's no way. | ||
| Oh yeah, two hours, three hour concert. | ||
| They got greedy. | ||
| They got greedy. | ||
| They went too far. | ||
| They said like four miles. | ||
| Four or five miles. | ||
| What a gangster. | ||
| We misread it. | ||
| This thing even says, I find this hard to believe, though for a two hour concert it means he's moving at least six miles an hour when he clearly doesn't run the entire show. | ||
| It just proves it right there. | ||
| So someone, is it just a meme or something? | ||
| He must have just put it up to add it. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It just says he's been known to run that far. | ||
| So we don't know about all the rest of that stuff either. | ||
| That could be horse shit too, right? | ||
| Could all be horse shit. | ||
| Remember that Bigfoot documentary we saw, but then it showed like intentionally stuff that was disproven? | ||
| And you were like, fuck this then. | ||
| None of it. | ||
| Yeah, all of it. | ||
| Well, all those things, man. | ||
| Oh yeah, also Bigfoot. | ||
| All that shit. | ||
| Bigfoot, UFOs, all that stuff. | ||
| Oh yeah, it was like a lot of different conspiracies, right? | ||
| They're not conspiracies, whatever, legends. | ||
| Yeah, legends. | ||
| I went to Loch Ness. | ||
| Did you? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They think they know what that is. | ||
| They think that's a big-ass fish, like a sturgeon. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's what they think. | ||
| And the legend got exaggerated as people left? | ||
| Yeah, there's a bunch of different explanations. | ||
| Some people think it might be some sort of a giant landlocked catfish. | ||
| Some people think it might be something else. | ||
| It's a giant lake. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, it's not like... | ||
| Right. | ||
| I mean, it's like a great lake. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's just massive, and there's big boats on it, you know? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like ships. | ||
| You know that show River Monsters? | ||
| Have you seen that show? | ||
| Mm-mm. | ||
| It's that guy, he's this English dude, travels all over the world and catches fish. | ||
| Like crazy fucking giant piranhas and lionfish, fish with giant ass fucking crazy teeth. | ||
| Look at that thing. | ||
| Yeah, if you saw that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I forget where he caught that thing. | ||
| I believe it was in the Congo. | ||
| Do you remember the stuff in Maryland where somebody brought it back from China? | ||
| There was a snakefish and it could come out of ponds and go on land for a while to find another pond. | ||
| So all the waters around it were contaminated. | ||
| That's a gar. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah, so Jeremy Wade is his name. | ||
| Anyway, there was an animal in Lake Champlain and they would call it a champ. | ||
| It's like some sort of another kind of dinosaur thing. | ||
| But they found sturgeon in that lake. | ||
| And so they're pretty sure that that's what it is. | ||
| They get really big like that? | ||
| Enormous. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Sturgeon, they look like a goddamn submarine. | ||
| They're huge. | ||
| And so they had a video of a sturgeon swimming through the water that they took from a drone or a helicopter or something from above it. | ||
| And it looks like a goddamn monster. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| When you see a sturgeon from above. | ||
| Massive white sturgeons. | ||
| Is this it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Massive white sturgeons Tell a little love Never reaching the end Yeah So he Who's like that? | |
| I don't remember Lights in, lights out Moody Blues? | ||
| Yeah, it seems like it. | ||
| Yeah, it's probably Moody Blues. | ||
| Yeah, it's definitely Moody Blues. | ||
| Were they good in Moody Blues? | ||
| Fuck yeah. | ||
| I never was into him. | ||
| Look at the size of this goddamn dinosaur he caught. | ||
| Wait, let's see. | ||
| That looks like a dinosaur. | ||
| Oh, it's huge, dude. | ||
| And by the way, that's not even like the biggest one ever caught. | ||
| That's the size of a man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, way bigger. | ||
| How big are halibut? | ||
| Look at this crazy fuck. | ||
| He jumped in the water. | ||
| Look at the size of it. | ||
| That way you get a perspective. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| How big is that? | ||
| 12 feet long? | ||
| It was the size of him. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So if it was dark out and you saw it in the water and you were in a boat, you would shit your pants and say there was a monster in that water. | ||
| So if that thing exists and he caught that, it's super possible there could be something that's super similar to that. | ||
| It could be somebody overhearing you in a bar. | ||
| Like, dude, I'm telling you this thing was massive. | ||
| It was a monster. | ||
| And then you went to the bathroom and you just spread that. | ||
| It could be. | ||
| But it definitely could be, you see, something like that. | ||
| What's the most recent explanation? | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| Look at the size of the sturgeon he caught. | ||
| Damn! | ||
| That's the size of a person. | ||
| Yeah, it's huge. | ||
| How big are halibut? | ||
| Are they that size? | ||
| Huge. | ||
| Big ones are hundreds of pounds. | ||
| Bigger than people. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| I think a world record halibut's like 300 pounds or something crazy. | ||
| I've seen people catch 100-pound ones on TV, and they have to pull it into the boat, and it's just like, what? | ||
| What the fuck is it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
You caught a table! | |
| It's like, look at that one. | ||
| That's a halibut. | ||
| God, that is insane. | ||
| It may be the biggest Pacific halibut ever caught. | ||
| Back up to the one that was the biggest one, that one that... | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah, go to the visit the page, see what the fuck it says. | ||
| Look at the size of that thing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
God damn. | |
| We're looking at this thing. | ||
| That's like three people. | ||
| Yeah, it's in Seattle. | ||
| They caught that fucker. | ||
| Eight foot two inch. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| It was estimated at what? | ||
| 533 pounds for a fucking halibut. | ||
| Dude, we'd eat like kings. | ||
| Those are things you have to fish for like two hours, right? | ||
| You have to keep them on the line and keep wearing them down and wearing them down. | ||
| It's one of those. | ||
| Yeah, they take forever. | ||
| I never caught anything that big, but I caught a Marlin once. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Not a big one either. | ||
| It was like a 70 pound one. | ||
| That was a fun fishing trip when we went up there. | ||
| Fuck yeah, that was a great time. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The time before, it was like five, six years before that, or ten years before or something, I don't know, whatever. | ||
| We went salmon fishing, then we went halibut fishing, but the water was too choppy because of the wind, so we couldn't sink the line all the way to the bottom. | ||
| We just gave up and went in. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Halibut is the best tasting, though, in my opinion. | ||
| Yeah, when you bake halibut with some butter and a little bit of garlic. | ||
| I like the river. | ||
| Like the river and lake fishes. | ||
| Well, they don't taste as good. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Sometimes. | ||
| I mean, I think the fish that are in the ocean are more hardy, and I think they're more durable, too. | ||
| They don't get nasty as quick, it seems like. | ||
| This doesn't make any sense, but this is what I'm saying. | ||
| The difference in the taste between catching them and cooking them on the shore, like a trout or something like that, versus a tuna. | ||
| You could cook it a couple hours later and it'll still be alright. | ||
| That's what I heard about those rainbow trout and stuff like that. | ||
| They're better fresher. | ||
| Right away. | ||
| Kill it, eat it right now. | ||
| Rainbow trout tastes really good if you cook it right on the shore. | ||
| If you catch it and then you cook it right on the shore. | ||
| Hey, get that pan started! | ||
| I'm about to kill this motherfucker! | ||
| Get that hot grease going. | ||
| You know how the best way to cook them too? | ||
| Bacon grease. | ||
| Yeah, a little bit of corn flour. | ||
| Just a little bit. | ||
| Just gently. | ||
| Or flour. | ||
| You know, just gently. | ||
| Get some aperitif of bacon. | ||
| Put it on the pan. | ||
| Goddamn bacon grease. | ||
| Woo, boy! | ||
| Fry it up real quick. | ||
| Flip that bitch. | ||
| Get some lemon on that motherfucker. | ||
| Woo! | ||
| And you're doing it all like in a cast iron frying pan overlooking a river. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Feeling like some sort of a pioneer. | ||
| Dude, that'd be fun as fuck. | ||
| Fuck yeah. | ||
| We gotta do another fishing trip, dude. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm almost done with this hour. | ||
| Then I'll be way more free. | ||
| Yeah, man, I'm free now. | ||
| I don't have a joke in my head. | ||
| Nice. | ||
| I'm free. | ||
| Nice. | ||
| It's beautiful. | ||
| But, like, we should go somewhere. | ||
| Yeah, we should go somewhere. | ||
| Like Saskatchewan, catch Northern Pike. | ||
| You ever seen those things? | ||
| No. | ||
| The really pointy ones? | ||
| They're like a monster. | ||
| It's like a fucking dinosaur fish. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, those would be cool. | |
| That'd be cool. | ||
| They taste good, too. | ||
| Yeah, dude, if we go out of the way enough, we could find nobody around us. | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| Killing that DEET all over us and just fucking enjoy ourselves. | ||
| You know what else, too? | ||
| You get one of those thermocells. | ||
| You ever seen a thermocell? | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| That's a northern pike. | ||
| Oh, nicey, nice. | ||
| Yeah, they have big-ass teeth, man. | ||
| Hey, would you ever do that catfish hunting where you just fucking shove your fist down and pull one up? | ||
| No, I like my fingers, dude. | ||
| Those guys fuck up sometimes and get a snapping turtle. | ||
| Look at that one eating a frog! | ||
| Oh, Jesus. | ||
| These are big-ass fucking fish. | ||
| It's killing a frog! | ||
| These are big fish. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| There's a certain type that they call a muscalunge. | ||
| It's not a regular northern pike. | ||
| It's called a muskie. | ||
| And they're much smarter and much larger. | ||
| And they eat ducks. | ||
| Why don't you check out a picture? | ||
| That's about to eat that frog in the face. | ||
| Fuck that frog's face. | ||
| Dude, good nature photography is amazing. | ||
| That is amazing. | ||
| They sacrificed that frog. | ||
| He's got his mouth wide open. | ||
| Why didn't they save him from that beast? | ||
| You think that frog's just frozen? | ||
| Go full screen on that. | ||
| Go full screen on that. | ||
| Look at that thing. | ||
| Oh my gosh. | ||
| Look at its teeth, dude. | ||
| Now imagine if that was as big as a cow flying through the air. | ||
| And his mouth opening up right above you? | ||
| That was going to get you. | ||
| That frog is done! | ||
| Look how big his mouth is in comparison to his body, too. | ||
| That frog, his little reptile brain can't fuck with a mammal brain. | ||
| Wait, what's the tongue thing? | ||
| Especially flying mammals. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Boy. | ||
| If there were flying mammals back in the day, thank God our ancestors wiped all those fuckheads off the planet. | ||
| That would be an unfair advantage. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| But they let only things live that we could kill with our hands. | ||
| Yeah, or that wouldn't kill us. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, an eagle might be able to kill you, but I like my chances. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It ain't bothering anybody, though. | ||
| But they might. | ||
| They'll fly off with a baby. | ||
| Remember that fake baby video? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That looked so good. | ||
| So good. | ||
| I think those guys got work off that. | ||
| They're like, yes, it's fake. | ||
| We faked it. | ||
| Now please hire us to do fun shit like this. | ||
| Oh, honestly, I think it was a contest. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Pretty sure. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| I think. | ||
| That might be right. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It looks so good. | ||
| The shadowing. | ||
| And it shot so well. | ||
| First, they're just filming the eagle. | ||
| Nothing's happening. | ||
| Wait, he's diving. | ||
| What's... | ||
| He just swoops down, grabs the kid, and flies off, and the guy chases after him. | ||
| And they even went to the ground with the camera. | ||
| It shot so good. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Joe Perry made a fake Bigfoot video. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, Joe Perry from Aerosmith. | ||
| Really? | ||
| On purpose? | ||
| Let's see if he... | ||
| I don't know if he put it up. | ||
| See if he find Joe Perry's Bigfoot video. | ||
| Have you found one? | ||
| Put a dude in a ghillie suit and have him wander around through the woods, and they filmed it. | ||
| Was he claiming he was real? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Joe Perry's an interesting guy, man. | ||
| This tape that we took got lost for about a week with all the hubbub of traveling and stuff. | ||
| And then we found it, and this is what we saw. | ||
| And this is what happened. | ||
| He's so Boston. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Check it out. | |
| Just think of it what you think, you know. | ||
| I'm still blown away by it. | ||
| But it was a pretty scary afternoon, I've got to say. | ||
| Alright, go to the... | ||
| Oh, here it is. | ||
| He set that up so good. | ||
| So ridiculous. | ||
| Like as if someone would be filming him just sitting there in the sun. | ||
| In a field with nothing around him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| And he's got like a little cookout going on. | ||
| Oh, he set it up so good. | ||
| But I just love the fact they're filming for no fucking reason. | ||
| Just filming a guy on his phone. | ||
| Yeah, no big deal. | ||
| Just happen to be filming. | ||
| Look, I'm moving around a little so you know it's real. | ||
| I skipped ahead this long video. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What is that? | |
| What is that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Did you hear that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nope. | |
| I didn't hear anything. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I think it was just Mark. | |
| See if you can find it. | ||
| If you can find it. | ||
| Alright, go to the spoiler. | ||
| We know we did it too long for sure. | ||
| We already know what the setup is. | ||
| Is it gonna be up here behind him? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Come on, be right here, be right here. | ||
| For sure put your shirt on, dude. | ||
| No, the sun's out! | ||
| Oh, the sound, it growls. | ||
| He had a growl. | ||
| Okay, they're in the woods. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hmm. | |
| I haven't seen anything yet. | ||
| Oh shit, it's here! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Run! | |
| Run! | ||
| Run, John! | ||
| That was the worst acting of all time. | ||
| Run! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Run! | |
| What is it? | ||
| I don't know, dude. | ||
| Fuck this. | ||
| Oh my god, this is so ridiculous. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It was big, and it was black, and it was fucking hairy. | |
| After all that bullshit about Sasquatch and all that shit. | ||
| That's so tough. | ||
| That's so tough. | ||
| All that bullshit about Sasquatch and all that shit. | ||
| I see it! | ||
| Go! | ||
| That's from 1997. He made a Blair Witch Bigfoot movie on his tour bus. | ||
| How bored is he? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I saw it. | |
| Boston people add extra R's that aren't necessary and remove other ones. | ||
| I saw it. | ||
| You know why? | ||
| They don't have to say the word garbage, because that's what they are. | ||
| Ooh, how dare you. | ||
| But when you perform there, you enjoy them, though, no? | ||
| They're all right, but the ones that aren't garbage, most of them are garbage. | ||
| Come on, dude. | ||
| Boston people. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Rude. | |
| How rude. | ||
| This is a really dumb video, and you can take it down. | ||
| Enough is enough. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| We don't have to watch the rest of that. | ||
| It's so unnecessary. | ||
| They get bored, man. | ||
| That was just them for their friends. | ||
| I wasn't really trying to... | ||
| Put it online! | ||
| It's on YouTube. | ||
| Jamie just found it. | ||
| He's trying to get a viral video going on. | ||
| Jamie made it. | ||
| Jamie's like, dude from Aerosmith, it's not the main guy, can I talk to you about the opportunity? | ||
| Bobcat Goldthwait bleeds in Bigfoot. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, we discussed this on the podcast yesterday. | ||
| He made a movie, a horror movie. | ||
| It's a good movie. | ||
| Really? | ||
| It's a good movie. | ||
| Yeah, it's fun. | ||
| It's like a Blair Witch type. | ||
| I saw him at Apple Store getting my phone fixed back when I had one, and he was just giving a talk there about the movie, just randomly. | ||
| Oh, he must have edited it on iMovie or something? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| They just had him as like final cut. | ||
| Probably, right? | ||
| I was going to ask him when he said he was coming out. | ||
| Was he supposed to do it? | ||
| He was a director. | ||
| If anybody did it, he'd do it. | ||
| So they did put it together? | ||
| No. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| He was director of one. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The Willow Creek movie. | ||
| Willow Creek. | ||
| Yeah, it's really good, man. | ||
| I saw a scene from him. | ||
| It looked good. | ||
| You saw it. | ||
| Yeah, I saw it. | ||
| That's cool. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I was like, wow. | ||
| You made a fucking horror movie, man. | ||
| He just became a full director like years and years ago, right? | ||
| Decades? | ||
| Well, he's just a very smart dude and he could kind of do anything he wants. | ||
| My mom is not a dude. | ||
| Fuck, bro. | ||
| Why don't you concentrate on the smart part? | ||
| He can do whatever he wants. | ||
| He just has to set his mind to it, then he just does it. | ||
| It's not shocking to me that he does a horror movie. | ||
| He could kind of do any kind of movie. | ||
| Did you see Call Me Lucky? | ||
| No. | ||
| It's a documentary that he did about Barry Crimmins. | ||
| Oh, yeah, I heard about it. | ||
| Yeah, really influential Boston stand-up comedian, like one of the most important guys in the early days of Boston and was brutally molested when he was a kid by his babysitter's boyfriend. | ||
| Like, fucked in the ass, like, well, she, like, watched The Door, like that kind of shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, wow. | |
| Really bad, yeah. | ||
| And his sister saved his life. | ||
| She came down and he's unconscious, like he would shove his head in the couch so he couldn't breathe, like he couldn't scream, and the guy would fuck him and he would like literally black out. | ||
| From getting fucked with his face and it's a horrific, horrific documentary, but really well done and really fascinating and really open and the way Barry Crimmins talks about like getting over it and you know and and then all the people that love Barry and talk about what a massive influence he had on stand-up in Boston during the early days of Boston and then a lot of people that he knew like all his life did not know about this story. | ||
| You know, and he wanted to kind of put it out in this documentary form, and it's so well done. | ||
| I can't recommend it enough. | ||
| It's called Call Me Lucky. | ||
| Bobcat is a bad motherfucker. | ||
| He really is. | ||
| He could, you know... | ||
| He's nice. | ||
| He can do whatever he wants. | ||
| And he's a good dude, too. | ||
| He really is a good dude. | ||
| And he's a UFC fan. | ||
| Do you know the Blackhearts thing? | ||
| What's that? | ||
| The Blackhearts, Joan Jett and the Blackhearts and Lita Ford, had their managers line them up, said, it's time for you guys to become a woman. | ||
| He just said, bend over. | ||
| Every one of you are just fucking... | ||
| What? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Where'd you hear this? | ||
| Their manager. | ||
| Come on. | ||
| Big J, I guess. | ||
| Could be not true. | ||
| But he's into that kind of music. | ||
| Wait a minute. | ||
| So... | ||
| When they were 14. What? | ||
| Their manager fucked them all when they were the Runaways. | ||
| Come on. | ||
| Time for You Got Ladies to Become Women. | ||
| Something like that. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, I think it was in some, like, one of those documentaries. | ||
| Lita Ford or one of them was talking about it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know. | |
| Well, you know what? | ||
| It's shocking. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But I wouldn't say I'm surprised. | ||
| It was a real piece of shit manager they had and just... | ||
| But would you be surprised that, like, some crazy showbiz manager would fuck his clients? | ||
| Oh, yeah, and keep him as clients, too. | ||
| For sure, right? | ||
| The right guy, the right crazy guy. | ||
| 100%, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| And it wasn't like they had a lot of leverage when they were just signing with somebody. | ||
| They hadn't done anything. | ||
| They couldn't do shit back then about it. | ||
| They put them together. | ||
| What are you gonna do? | ||
| You gonna go to TMZ? Where are you gonna go? | ||
| Yeah, they just sucked it up. | ||
| Just nowhere to go. | ||
| Look what's happening with that singer girl's name who wants to get out of her contract. | ||
| Kesha. | ||
| Kesha. | ||
| Look at her. | ||
| I mean, who knows what the truth is behind that story or what's really going on, but it's kind of a similar thing. | ||
| Like, her producer was having sex with her, apparently, and she said he raped her. | ||
| Isn't that what she said? | ||
| Isn't that what the accusation is? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But meanwhile, she's tied into a contract with this dude, so she can't make music unless she makes it with him? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Like, that's crazy if it's true. | ||
| Yeah, the judge was in a tough spot on that one. | ||
| What do you do there? | ||
| Because he's like, okay, you have a contract. | ||
| If nothing happens, then you have to honor your contract. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And there's no proof of this. | ||
| If it's true, that's horrible. | ||
| But either way, there's no proof of it. | ||
| So we can't just go on you saying, alleging this, because then everyone would just say, well, rape out of my contract, please. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So he's like, unless I have a proof of something, there's nothing I can do by contract law. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Yeah, that's a pretty heinous crime. | ||
| Yeah, for sure. | ||
| I mean, he's denying it, too. | ||
| Yeah, he's definitely denying it, but it's one of those really heinous crimes where you gotta go, how do you find out who the fuck told the truth? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's such a hard crime to prove. | |
| Well, especially when women get way upset about it, because it's so hard to prove it. | ||
| Well, that also sets it up for this thing where you're never supposed to question a victim. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, you can't say never. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Like, you definitely shouldn't automatically question the victim. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But if something seems goofy, you should not question the victim. | ||
| Like, people lie. | ||
| I know people that have had false rape accusations. | ||
| I know them personally. | ||
| I was going through it in New York. | ||
| And everybody at his level is like, we know she's crazy and that's just not a thing. | ||
| Dude, it can happen. | ||
| They're telling her, like, stop saying this. | ||
| You know it wasn't... | ||
| It can happen just like there can be crazy men. | ||
| There can be crazy women. | ||
| There's just crazy people. | ||
| There's people that will absolutely fucking make up a story. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And the thing is, if you don't know about it, or if you're like, well, how dare you? | ||
| You're not going to believe it. | ||
| It's like, yeah, yes. | ||
| So it becomes one of those things where it's like the person who is... | ||
| Accused of doing it is also being victimized. | ||
| Yeah, so we're supposed to ignore that victim and Concentrate the problems are based on this idea physical better a thousand men a thousand guilty men go free than one innocent man Go to prison. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, right people don't really like to apply that to rape No, no. | |
| Well, it's one of those weird ones that you can't look at it objectively. | ||
| You're not allowed to. | ||
| Yeah, you know these internet maiming mobs they do now? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Is it? | |
| Internet mobs, you know, mob justice. | ||
| That's in response to women not finding justice through the legal system. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So they're like, well, let's just fucking ruin his life. | ||
| Let's call his mom. | ||
| Let's do these things and really fuck up his life. | ||
| Well, we know that's true, too, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, we know that people have done horrible shit and gotten away with it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So then it's like, well, let's, you know. | ||
| And there might be an occasional, like, innocent man or North Carolina lacrosse team, Duke lacrosse team. | ||
| Is there any... | ||
| I know the rape is bad. | ||
| I'm not bringing that up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| But is there anything on her... | ||
| You have to say that? | ||
| On her side about, like, you signed a bad contract. | ||
| Sorry. | ||
| Like... | ||
| Maybe at the beginning of it, you shouldn't have been into that? | ||
| No, but I don't think the contract has anything to do with her getting raped. | ||
| It doesn't have to do with that. | ||
| That's why she's suing him, because she can't supposedly make music because of the contract she has with that guy. | ||
| That's why her career is supposedly ruined right now. | ||
| The record industry has a long history of that, just burying people. | ||
| Yeah, but hold on. | ||
| We already kind of covered this. | ||
| She can't leave and make music because he has her under contract, even though she says he raped her. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Well, in my interpretation, I thought she was saying that she was raped in order to probably get out of this contract. | ||
| To break the contract. | ||
| She was raped to break the contract. | ||
| She's saying she was raped in order to get away from this guy who has her under contract. | ||
| Well, that would be the accusation. | ||
| And I'm just saying, like... | ||
| Not that you shouldn't be bringing up the rape, but if she's making it up, this would be a good thing to make up to get you out of a contract. | ||
| I'm sort of saying that. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, honestly, if you had an 8-and-8 contract in the UFC, and then some other company offered you $50,000 a fight, but you had a six-fight contract, you'd be like... | ||
| So you're going to pretend you got raped? | ||
| I mean, it would work. | ||
| I just don't know. | ||
| What do you say to get out of your contract? | ||
| It would make the public go. | ||
| How dare you not let them go? | ||
| I don't know what it is you would say to get out of your contract, but you'd have to make up something to get out of it. | ||
| Not that I'm saying she did. | ||
| No, that's what his side is saying. | ||
| She's making us up to get out of a shitty contract. | ||
| I'm asking, sorry. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| I didn't mean it that way. | ||
| No, I know. | ||
| It's such an electric subject. | ||
| You say, like, one word wrong. | ||
| You're like, wait, no, wait, that's not what I meant. | ||
| It's entirely possible that either one of them could not be telling the truth. | ||
| You're right. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| We don't know. | ||
| I don't know her. | ||
| I've never even heard her voice. | ||
| I've never heard her talk. | ||
| I don't know anything about her. | ||
| So all I'm seeing is that she went to court and tried to get free, and they wouldn't let her free. | ||
| And the guy's still wandering around, so they're not prosecuting him for any sort of sexual offense, right? | ||
| As far as I've read, yeah. | ||
| When you sign a contract, you sign one, right? | ||
| Or no? | ||
| Yeah, that's what we say. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, she's obviously got some sort of a contract with her. | ||
| But see, here's another thing. | ||
| If I had a contract with someone and they falsely accused me of rape, I think I'd fucking let them go. | ||
| Yeah, but I don't want you anymore. | ||
| I wouldn't want to be tied into a contract with them. | ||
| But the idea of if in any way, shape, or form she's telling the truth of forcing her to work with somebody. | ||
| It's horrible. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| See? | ||
| But that's not what the judge was doing. | ||
| The judge was just ruling on the contract law. | ||
| Contracts are fucking weird, man. | ||
| Like, think of it as a comic. | ||
| Think of, like, you as a comic. | ||
| Like, what if you had a contract to do your stand-up? | ||
| And, like, you had some guy that was, like, a producer that made you go on the road, and you had a pact with him, and he made you do his jokes, and he would help you write your act, and you couldn't do comedy without him. | ||
| I would just stop doing comedy. | ||
| But that's crazy! | ||
| That in the music business happens all the time. | ||
| That was the Prince thing. | ||
| That's why Gerard turned down New Girl. | ||
| What's that mean? | ||
| Gerard Carmichael. | ||
| What's New Girl? | ||
| He was that show New Girl with whatever his name is. | ||
| Zooey Deschanel. | ||
| I don't know who that is. | ||
| It's been on Fox for about seven or eight years. | ||
| Listen, you're acting like I'm... | ||
| You're not giving me enough information. | ||
| That's what I'm telling you. | ||
| I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. | ||
| There's a TV show on Fox. | ||
| There's a sitcom on Fox. | ||
| It's been on for like seven or eight years. | ||
| It's got Zooey Deschanel in it. | ||
| Or one of the Deschanel twins. | ||
| And what did they try to do with Gerard? | ||
| He tested for it. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And then they really liked him. | ||
| And then he just disappeared. | ||
| Because he saw a seven-year contract. | ||
| And he was like, uh, I don't want to get locked into this thing for seven years. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Now he has his own sitcom. | ||
| Seven year contract. | ||
| Yeah, he balked at it. | ||
| He, like, disappeared. | ||
| He hung out in a Starbucks or something. | ||
| Good for him. | ||
| Yeah, and he was sleeping on couches at the time. | ||
| He's got balls. | ||
| He didn't have a place to live. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Smart dude. | |
| And he was like, meh. | ||
| Seven years. | ||
| Yeah, he wanted his own show. | ||
| A long ass fucking time, folks. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Seven years. | ||
| And what if the direction of the show becomes more corny? | ||
| Oh, yeah, for sure. | ||
| So now, like, there's nothing you can do. | ||
| If you walk away, you'll never work here again. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Doing bad sitcoms is a horrible feeling. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| It's horrible. | ||
| I was on that Fox show that was terrible. | ||
| Hardball? | ||
| Yeah, it was terrible. | ||
| There were some episodes where it was just unbelievably bad. | ||
| You feel like you're supposed to have to do it or something? | ||
| I feel like a whore. | ||
| You feel like, you know, you just feel gross when you say these lines because you know they're bad. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you know that the show is bad and you know that this is the exact opposite of the way you feel when you're doing stand-up at a club. | ||
| Something good. | ||
| Well, when you're doing stand-up at a club, if you're doing your best and it doesn't work out, at least you know you can fix it and you can figure out how to make it funny again. | ||
| When you're doing these shows and it's bad, they tell you it's good and they make you keep going. | ||
| And so you're doing this... | ||
| Yeah, and they'll put a billboard up there and they'll show you where they've raised in the ratings, but you know it's terrible, so who cares? | ||
| I had to work with kids. | ||
| I worked with this kid who was on the set and she had... | ||
| They're not funny. | ||
| No, she was fine. | ||
| My point was... | ||
| Yeah, I'm sure she was a barrel of laughs. | ||
| She was a nice kid. | ||
| Fuck her. | ||
| She was a nice boy, too. | ||
| She was a nice young fella and a nice young girl that were on the show at one point in time. | ||
| They were very fine. | ||
| Fine folks. | ||
| But my point being, they were really young. | ||
| They had tutors and shit and they could only work a certain amount of hours in a day. | ||
| Why don't you expose your child to that? | ||
| Well, I had a conversation with one of them about it. | ||
| And I was just trying to figure out what's the idea behind it. | ||
| And they were kind of saying, you've got to strike while the iron is hot. | ||
| You have an opportunity right now to secure a lot of money. | ||
| Okay, that's for their Hollywood career. | ||
| But them as children, as human beings. | ||
| That's just another 50 industries you can work in. | ||
| Why are you fucking up... | ||
| Like, okay, chances are, you'll barely ever book anything, and you'll just get filled with this, like, mommy's not proud of me. | ||
| She keeps taking me to things I don't book. | ||
| And by the way, if you've booked two out of 50 things, that's still a really high percentage, which is you're getting rejected 48 times. | ||
| That's an amazing percentage. | ||
| Most people don't get two things. | ||
| So, constant rejection, and then if you get it, like, finally I get their love. | ||
| And then what if you book everything? | ||
| What if you nail stuff? | ||
| What's the best case scenario that way? | ||
| What is the best case scenario? | ||
| Overdose at 24. If you're lucky. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You get super sensitive, everybody loves you, River Phoenix. | ||
| They're all whacked. | ||
| They're crazy. | ||
| Except like Jodie Foster, she seems to be okay. | ||
| She seems like she pulled his way out of it. | ||
| She's the outlier of outliers. | ||
| Everybody else is fucking crazy. | ||
| They're all whacked up on fucking poopy pills. | ||
| They never get told the truth. | ||
| Never. | ||
| And you don't grow up. | ||
| Your grow up period is supposed to be this struggle. | ||
| You never get that struggle. | ||
| You don't have to win over friends? | ||
| You never have to learn how to make friends. | ||
| Everybody loves you everywhere you go. | ||
| They know who you are and they love you. | ||
| Oh, thank you. | ||
| It's fucking bananas. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That doesn't make any sense. | ||
| And you're going to expose your kid to that. | ||
| That's a best case scenario, is that thing. | ||
| Dude, I know several child stars. | ||
| You should use robots or midgets. | ||
| It shouldn't be legal. | ||
| You know several child stars? | ||
| Yeah, several. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| I know a couple of them. | ||
| I know several of them. | ||
| They're not quite right. | ||
| Oh, they can't be. | ||
| They're also actors, so that's part of it, too. | ||
| They're still in it. | ||
| They're garbage because of that. | ||
| Yeah, I think there's just something weird about developing your personality and your body going through puberty and all that shit while you're famous. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That sounds crazy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's not good for you. | ||
| Can't be. | ||
| Can't be. | ||
| What's important for everybody? | ||
| What's important for a guy like you or a guy like Joey or Duncan or anybody that I know that's interesting? | ||
| There was a lot of stress in the early years. | ||
| There was a lot of struggle and strife. | ||
| Fans and friends and just learn how to cope with no money. | ||
| Just build character. | ||
| That's what building character is, right? | ||
| Also, there's a certain amount of appreciation for whatever success you do attain, because you're always going to remember being poor and fucked up and sad. | ||
| If you were a waitress for a while, you'd enjoy being a movie star a lot more than just some child star who became... | ||
| Fuck yeah. | ||
| I mean, not saying that the child star can't form some sort of an understanding. | ||
| Not saying that it's not possible. | ||
| The odds go against you. | ||
| The odds are strongly against you. | ||
| My friend saw somebody at one of those award shows. | ||
| He just got into one of those award shows. | ||
| He said one of those American Pie ladies, you know, like Tara Reid or something like that. | ||
| Somebody pulled up in a Honda, you know, some valet. | ||
| And she goes, who brought a Honda? | ||
| I think it was like the lowest thing she could think of. | ||
| One of the American Pie girls said that? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And it's just like, alright, you guys are never going to relate to actual people. | ||
| That's so weird. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I had some lady mock me once because I had an Acura NSX. Really? | ||
| She just mocked me in front of a restaurant for having a fake Ferrari. | ||
| That was too low a car. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| $90,000 car. | ||
| It's a fucking great car. | ||
| To this day, I still wish I had it. | ||
| I should have never gotten rid of it. | ||
| I remember that car when you had that. | ||
| Oh, it's fucking beautiful. | ||
| It's a Honda. | ||
| Dude, you would bring these toys into the store and just be like, hey guys, take a look at this. | ||
| First of all, I'm going to play the sound system loud enough and they'll hear it in the showroom. | ||
| And then I'll show you the fucking bootleg video machine I have where you can watch full Bruce Lee videos while you're driving. | ||
| Oh, that was the Infinity. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You could watch Game of Death as you were driving. | ||
| I'm like, wait, is that legal? | ||
|
unidentified
|
You're like, what? | |
| No! | ||
| You have a Switch. | ||
| A special switch I could hit. | ||
| Flipped over like Cannonball Run license plates. | ||
| Put a hit from everybody. | ||
| That's what you do when you get that Fear Factor money. | ||
| Yeah, you would come with that and marijuana lemonade before there were dispensaries. | ||
| Remember that? | ||
| It's like, what? | ||
| What is this? | ||
| Well, I was ahead of the curve when it came to marijuana drinkables. | ||
| I used to buy bottles of this marijuana wine. | ||
| It was like a soda. | ||
| We call it marijuana wine, but it was like a soda that contained weed in it. | ||
| Come on. | ||
| And it was fucking preposterously strong. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Oh my god, it tastes pretty good. | ||
| It tasted pretty good. | ||
| So you drink a whole glass of it and you just go on a spiral ride. | ||
| A tornado of emotions just turns you through the air. | ||
| Takes you to another place. | ||
| Drinkable, yeah. | ||
| Oh my god, it was so brutal. | ||
| It was so powerful. | ||
| And no one had tolerance for it back then. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No! | |
| Not only that, we didn't understand that it was a different drug yet. | ||
| That was five years before the banana bread. | ||
| Yeah, nobody understood. | ||
| Even to this day, most people don't understand. | ||
| How much it's different? | ||
| Yeah, when you smoke it, you get the THC, but when you eat it, it becomes a totally different psychoactive substance. | ||
| How much do you take? | ||
| I don't know, one brownie. | ||
| Like, no, no, that's not an amount. | ||
| If you need a dosage, that can be so varied. | ||
| Because those barbarians that live on the East Coast, they don't have fucking regulations. | ||
| It's like saying one pill. | ||
| Like, what milligram? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Dude, have you seen this? | ||
| No. | ||
| Oh, the tincture? | ||
| No, it's a breath spray. | ||
| Breath spray. | ||
| Oh, yeah, you showed me that. | ||
| This is the 175. This is very light. | ||
| 170 milligrams? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jumbos. | |
| And how many sprays is 170 milligrams? | ||
| That's not light at all. | ||
| Here's a problem. | ||
| This is 175. This is 1,000. | ||
| Oh, the whole bottle. | ||
| The whole bottle. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| A thousand! | ||
| That's not a very good in-between. | ||
| Dude, all you have to do is pop that cap, right? | ||
| Squeeze that, twist it, throw that bitch down. | ||
| Tastes good, it'll take a second. | ||
| A thousand milligrams. | ||
| And you're gone. | ||
| You'll barf on that if you don't have a tolerance. | ||
| Even if you're Joey Diaz, you're gone. | ||
| I think that Joey... | ||
| No. | ||
| He takes a thousand. | ||
| That's not true. | ||
| I've seen Lee take 950. I've seen Joey eat two of those stars of death. | ||
| What are those stars of death? | ||
| 250 each. | ||
| That's 500. That's close. | ||
| Dude, he gave me one of my tapings. | ||
| It does not have any tapings this year. | ||
| And I was like, I can't, Joey. | ||
| I ate a corner, and it got me. | ||
| You know sometimes small ones still get you? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I was okay for my story at halfway through, and then I was like, fuck. | ||
| Do you remember one of those los jormones, those gummies, the gummy bears? | ||
| Los gummies hermanos? | ||
| Yeah, los gummies hermanos. | ||
| Those gummy bears are fucking insane. | ||
| They should be illegal. | ||
| Dude, those guys come to the punchline and stuff like you want to smoke? | ||
| Sure. | ||
| And then you just see a fire going. | ||
| You just carry tortures as your regular. | ||
| That's your car pipe. | ||
| Damn, full torch. | ||
| Giant blunts. | ||
| I ate four before the UFC the other day. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You ate four? | |
| You ate a thousand? | ||
| Jamie apparently doesn't feel it. | ||
| Yeah, it doesn't affect me that way. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You're too thin. | |
| Thin people. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| No. | ||
| Here's my theory, because I've heard this a lot. | ||
| A lot of times, it's people with really low fat. | ||
| It binds to fat. | ||
| If they don't have anything for it to bind on... | ||
| No. | ||
|
unidentified
|
With the people I've seen- He's lower fat than me, though, probably. | |
| He's meaty. | ||
| Yeah, but it's muscle, not fat. | ||
| There's fat in there, though. | ||
| Come on, son. | ||
| Shredded. | ||
| How dare you? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Alright, good point. | ||
| I'm lighter than I've ever been. | ||
| How much do you weigh? | ||
| 190. I'm lighter than I've been in a long time. | ||
| Which means I have lower body fat. | ||
| And I'm so much fatter than you. | ||
| Because I'm like a chimpanzee. | ||
| I'm short and fucked up looking. | ||
| Fucking muscle filled with helium. | ||
| It's just thick. | ||
| It's just all bones and muscle. | ||
| But my point being, I get blasted. | ||
| It has nothing to do with body fat. | ||
| It doesn't change with me. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You eat fatty foods? | |
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't eat much fatty foods. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I eat fat. | |
| The people I've seen that happen to, it doesn't hit them, it's always real thin, real small people. | ||
| But when you're talking about like fatty foods, people think of fatty foods like things that make you fat. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Or fat itself. | ||
| I eat more fat. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But it doesn't make you fat. | ||
| Right, right, right. | ||
| Your body starts burning. | ||
| Maybe it's that fat that you take in. | ||
| I know sometimes when you eat a slice of pizza after you get high, it kicks it up again. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| Did they say, like, mangoes? | ||
| I was going to say orange juice. | ||
| People used to drink orange juice a lot. | ||
| That was for acid and mushrooms. | ||
| Same thing. | ||
| Same thought, I guess, but I don't know if that's true. | ||
| I thought it was, uh... | ||
| God, I want to say mangoes. | ||
| Like, someone said that mangoes enhance your high. | ||
| Get Joey Diaz on the phone. | ||
| I've heard that with mangoes. | ||
| I've heard that with mangoes. | ||
| Go to Jamaica. | ||
| Be one of those fucking coconuts. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You're on with 1-900-JRE. It's 100% true. | |
| Mangos increase the effects of consuming marijuana. | ||
| Sort of smoking more. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Leave your fruit at home, you pussy. | |
| Ari wants candy and more pot. | ||
| Fuck off, punks. | ||
| I gotta slow down. | ||
| Do you? | ||
| Yeah, for sure. | ||
| Dean Delray got the diabetes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Got the candy diabetes. | ||
| What? | ||
| Yeah, he's reversed it already, but he told his doctor he's lethargic and whatever. | ||
| He goes, oh yeah, man, I think I know what that is. | ||
| And he said he got it not from candy. | ||
| He eats a lot of candy, but from those tortilla shells and shit like that. | ||
| Whoa! | ||
| That turn to fat, pizza, stuff that turns to sugar in your body. | ||
| So he's just eating way too many carbs. | ||
| Yeah, sugar and Cartwright. | ||
| You know Sam Harris, the neuroscientist, the atheist character, really great podcast guest, he went vegan and his blood lipids are all fucked up because he's consuming so many carbs, like so many pastas and breads and things along those lines, that that sort of breaks it down in his body to sugar, so it fucks up your blood lipids. | ||
| You got to be real careful with that. | ||
| If you're going to do like a carbohydrate-rich diet, you really got to mix up a lot of green leafy vegetables. | ||
| And if you're going to get fats, you should get them from like, you got to use like coconut oil and coconut butter and things along those lines to keep everything. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm just going to try to stop eating as much candy. | ||
| Don't eat candy. | ||
| I don't eat any sugar. | ||
| As much. | ||
| I don't eat any sugar unless it's like... | ||
| Based on ribs? | ||
| Less than something, like less than a certain... | ||
| Basting on ribs like shit like that. | ||
| That's the kind of sugar you like. | ||
| Come on. | ||
| That doesn't count. | ||
| It doesn't count. | ||
| I know, but it doesn't count. | ||
| But it does in the way your body processes food. | ||
| That's where it gets weird. | ||
| It's still mostly meat. | ||
| It's still less than candy. | ||
| Less than a bag of Haribo. | ||
| But it doesn't matter. | ||
| Your body doesn't know about that mostly meat shit. | ||
| Your body knows, oh, I just took in 51 grams of sugar from barbecue sauce. | ||
| It doesn't know. | ||
| As a matter of fact, your body doesn't know when you're taking in sugar from fruit. | ||
| I thought it does because it binds with the fiber, if your actual fruit. | ||
| It helps if you eat it, but if you're drinking orange juice, that sugar is the same as sugar from Coca-Cola. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Damn! | |
| They lied to us. | ||
| Your body doesn't know what the fuck it is. | ||
| If you drink a giant-ass 20-ounce glass of orange juice, your body is just simply not designed to have that much sugar come out of an orange. | ||
| That's like fucking nine oranges with no fiber. | ||
| So it whacks your body out. | ||
| It's probably better for you because there's all vitamin C in it, there's no caffeine, and it's probably better for you than a 20 ounce Coca-Cola. | ||
| But the sugar amount... | ||
| Processed? | ||
| Does it matter if it's processed or not? | ||
| Alright, let me ask you this. | ||
| I gotta pee. | ||
| Can I pee in the spring bottle water? | ||
| Yeah, just whip your dick out, bro. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Guess how much sugar. | ||
| He dick's not small enough for that. | ||
| Don't piss all over my floor. | ||
| Yeah, you can do it in there. | ||
| Just cornhole that. | ||
| But we have to go soon anyway because I gotta get something somewhere. | ||
| He's gonna pee. | ||
| Folks, don't put a camera on him because that's rude. | ||
| There he goes. | ||
| Don't put a camera on him. | ||
| We don't want to lose our YouTube feed. | ||
| Guess how much sugar is in a... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Less now. | |
| Let me put the camera near his dick. | ||
| Or the... | ||
| Folks, that's the first time anybody's peed on the podcast. | ||
| Don't take a photo of his dick! | ||
| How dare you? | ||
| He's taking a photo of your dick, bro. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| How dare you? | ||
| That's a full kombucha. | ||
| Definitely don't drink that. | ||
| Are you going to piss in the pickles, too? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I got it. | |
| I'm not done. | ||
| Bro, how'd you cut off stream? | ||
| For sure you're dribbling on my carpet. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I pinched it. | |
| No, I fully pinched. | ||
| You fully pinched? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fully pinched. | |
| I fully pinched. | ||
| Dude, that's a lot of pee. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's a lot of pee. | |
| Ari Shaffir will be at the Comedy Store tomorrow night, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| Go to AriTheGreat.com and you can buy tickets. | ||
| Tell them that you heard him pee on the Joe Rogan Experience and you will get absolutely nothing off your ticket price. | ||
| It's only $10, cocksuckers. | ||
| It's only $10, folks. | ||
| We got piss here. | ||
| If you want it, we're going to put it on eBay for poachers. | ||
| We're going to... | ||
| We're going to stop poaching in Africa. | ||
| That's how you attract Jews to hunt. | ||
| Put out some Jew piss. | ||
| We're going to stop the poaching with Ari's piss. | ||
| Hey, by the way, can I say this? | ||
| Yes, you can. | ||
| I'm going to Edinburgh. | ||
| All the UK people listen to you. | ||
| You say bruh? | ||
| Edinburgh. | ||
| Edinburgh. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Edinburgh. | ||
| Edinburgh. | ||
| Someone tell those people there's a G and an H in there. | ||
| They don't see it that way. | ||
| They also have rules against bringing knives because they get stabby there too. | ||
| Yeah, they have no knives at all bars. | ||
| I'm doing my hour. | ||
| This hour that I'm doing tomorrow at the Comedy Store. | ||
| And then I'm going to record in October in Cap City. | ||
| I'm doing this hour. | ||
| It's not a British hour. | ||
| This is what an American hour looks like. | ||
| Fuck your themes and your spotlights. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| And your chairs are sitting and get serious at the end. | ||
| We don't do that here. | ||
| What happens over there? | ||
| Madness? | ||
| A few people won this award by doing this, like, full circle thing. | ||
| Trying to, like, that's when I realized, you know, I was... | ||
| And it's just like, then they all start trying to emulate that. | ||
| We don't do that here. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| So that's my hour. | ||
| Okay, so you're doing American stand-up comedy, am I right? | ||
| Yes, American stand-up comedy. | ||
| It is 2016. Yes. | ||
| That is the best style. | ||
| At the Hive, 6.30 every day, 25 straight days. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Maybe 22. That's insane. | ||
| How many people are in the place? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Hopefully more. | ||
| So if you have friends that are going, tell them about it. | ||
| How many is a seat? | ||
| You don't know? | ||
| This place seats about 120. Oh, that's perfect. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But you gotta fill up on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday. | ||
| It's not gonna happen. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| But you'll have a good time anyway. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I learned a lot from this thing. | ||
| Hey man, those fucking... | ||
| Sometimes those shows with 10 people are the best shows ever. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| For sure I love this thing. | ||
| Or the shows with 50 people are sometimes the best show ever. | ||
| Also these Scottish people that don't get your references. | ||
| And it's like, what? | ||
| Twist it around. | ||
| You gotta figure out how to make a dance. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Just pay what you want. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| What are you, a communist? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fucking socialist? | |
| I'm a little bit of a communist for certain things. | ||
| That'll work over there. | ||
| But people contribute there. | ||
| At Edinburgh, it's so weird, man. | ||
| Even the big guys. | ||
| They come outside afterwards like, I got a bucket. | ||
| It's just like part of it. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I like it. | ||
| A lot of them just do fully free shows. | ||
| I'm like, if you enjoyed it, pay me. | ||
| And then the great shows that fill up, get more money. | ||
| That is a great idea. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It doesn't feel like begging because everyone is doing it there. | ||
| That's a great idea. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's like very fair. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| If I sucked, get out of here. | ||
| Don't worry about it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| If you really like me, support a couple of fucking pounds. | ||
| You get way higher percentage, so less money, but like, the people who can't afford it, can't afford it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| Right. | ||
| And then they might be a bit good. | ||
| See, the problem is you give people free tickets in America. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I don't know if it would work over here like that. | ||
| Yeah, but there, right, because they were crazy and they'll squeeze. | ||
| They're just assholes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| There, you tell them, hey, you didn't pay, get the fuck out. | ||
| And they just leave. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| They're like, I don't want to be here, I'll just go. | ||
| But when you comp people in America, oftentimes you get like a less enthusiastic crowd. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| But maybe it's just an American idea, though, you know? | ||
| Could be. | ||
| They do treat it more like theater there. | ||
| Twats! | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Alright folks, we gotta get the fuck out of here. | ||
| That's it for the week. | ||
| Watch This Is Not Happening. | ||
| When? | ||
| Oh, it's only on YouTube now. | ||
| Every Tuesday. | ||
| Every Tuesday, you fucks. | ||
| Every Tuesday. | ||
| This Is Not Happening. | ||
| AriTheGreat.com for tickets for tomorrow night at the fucking Comedy Store. | ||
| And that's it. | ||
| The Rosa Story is this week. | ||
| It's a good one. | ||
| Watch that. | ||
| These are the uncut ones on YouTube. | ||
| Alright. | ||
| Sorry, sorry. | ||
| Bye, lovelies. | ||
| See ya. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Who wants his piss? |
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