Dec. 24, 2015 - The Joe Rogan Experience
03:00:25
| 
| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
| Janis Joplin. | ||
| When you've got a minute, just watch both parts of that fucking documentary about it. | ||
| The new studio. | ||
| When I set up the new studio, I'm gonna set up all these... | ||
| Oh, fucking Italians weren't allowed above 19th Street and Hoboken. | ||
| Two, one, live. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Go! | |
| Holla! | ||
| Holla, you dirty bitches! | ||
| Merry Christmas, my brother. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Merry Christmas, brother. | |
| How are you? | ||
| Oh, shit, Jamie. | ||
| No, we're talking about... | ||
| Italians weren't allowed above 12th Street because the Irish controlled the Italians in the 40s. | ||
| That's how it was, a pecking order. | ||
| And he was the first one to make it out, and it just cleared the attack. | ||
| You gotta watch this documentary. | ||
| It's on Sinatra? | ||
| It's on, yeah, it's Sinatra on HBO, All of Me, or something like that. | ||
| And it's weird because I always grew up hearing these fucked up stories about him, like that he was kind of a little rough. | ||
| But bro, he fucking loved people like us. | ||
| Like, he lived for that craziness. | ||
| He loved it. | ||
| Burt Reynolds just put out a book. | ||
| Have you been reading the excerpts that they've been releasing? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Good. | ||
| And he goes, he bumped into Sinatra one night, and Sinatra told him to go play cards. | ||
| Over at some bar, and they're playing cards, and the guy dropped the dishes, and the owner was yelling at him, and Sinatra called the owner over, and he goes, how much you think of glasses? | ||
| He goes, I don't know, maybe 30 cents, and he goes, give him $3,000. | ||
| Bring me $3,000 worth of glasses. | ||
| And he called the busboy over there. | ||
| He was yelling, and he embarrassed me. | ||
| He goes, what's your name? | ||
| Hector. | ||
| Hector, I want you to break every fucking glass. | ||
| And he started breaking glasses. | ||
| Nobody knew what was going on. | ||
| And he goes, if I ever come in here and Hector's not here, I'm going to tell all my friends not to come in here and eat. | ||
| And Burt Reynolds got up and he goes, where the fuck are you going? | ||
| He goes, I already got my Sinatra story. | ||
| He goes, sit the fuck down and play cards, will you? | ||
| I got my Sinatra story. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, he was supposed to be an incredible guy. | ||
| Like, in that sense. | ||
| And then after, like, he got down. | ||
| Like, that documentary really breaks it down. | ||
| Like, he went really down. | ||
| Then he did a world tour out of his pocket. | ||
| We're just for kids. | ||
| He donated everything for kids. | ||
| His daughter said he never recovered from Kennedy screwing him over. | ||
| Like, he never recovered from that. | ||
| You just gotta catch it. | ||
| It's pretty interesting, man. | ||
| He's from Hoboken. | ||
| Which really, when I heard that story about how the Italians weren't, you know, it was different. | ||
| Like, the Muslims are all crying now. | ||
| A hundred years ago, those were the Italians. | ||
| You know, a hundred years ago, they were throwing fucking Chinese people over a cliff to fucking, for the railroads with dynamite. | ||
| Is that true? | ||
| Did you ever hear about that shit? | ||
| When they built the railroads? | ||
| The crazy statement slash question. | ||
| The Chinese people were like, everybody suffered in this fucking country. | ||
| The Chinese people who built the railroads. | ||
| The railroads. | ||
| They would fucking play the 21st finger is it. | ||
| And whoever was it strapped dynamite around them and they threw them over the fucking house. | ||
| I swear to God, man. | ||
| Somebody will fucking say this shit to you. | ||
| All these races suffered, you know? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| They've been walking on the railroad. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's why when you go to Wyoming, there's a Chinese restaurant. | ||
| I didn't know that shit. | ||
| You ever go to Wyoming, you're like, why is there a Chinese fucking restaurant in Cheyenne, Wyoming? | ||
| And they're like, oh, because after they built the railroads, they said, fuck it, let's just stay here. | ||
| Wow, that's interesting. | ||
| I never really thought about that. | ||
| But wasn't there a place we went to? | ||
| Was it Vancouver that we went to? | ||
| We went to some museum that showed, like, how all the Chinese immigrants wound up in Vancouver? | ||
| I don't think it was the railroad. | ||
| I forget what it was. | ||
| But it's interesting when you have, like, these pockets. | ||
| Like, there's pockets of, like, certain parts of Chinatown where those people just never assimilated. | ||
| Like, fuck it. | ||
| They just stay right here. | ||
| Everything's in Chinese. | ||
| The signs are all in Chinese. | ||
| We're good. | ||
| They don't learn English. | ||
| They just stopped. | ||
| They decided, we'll just make this China West right here. | ||
| Just for a couple blocks. | ||
| Yeah, wasn't there some mayor or something? | ||
| Or there was some kind of guy that was from China that came over there that invited everybody over there? | ||
| Everybody where? | ||
| Into Vancouver. | ||
| Oh, that's interesting. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I wonder. | |
| I forget. | ||
| There was some story about that. | ||
| I wish I paid attention. | ||
| First of all, the oldest Chinatown. | ||
| The oldest Chinatown was in Cuba, up to like 61 or 58. One of the biggest Chinatowns outside of China was in Havana, Cuba. | ||
| And in fact, after Fidel took over, he never fucked with them. | ||
| He left those Chinese people alone. | ||
| So there's still a lot of Chinese people in Cuba? | ||
|
unidentified
|
In Cuba. | |
| They speak Spanish. | ||
| They speak Cuban. | ||
| And if you go to 79th Street and Broadway, by our friends, where a friend's office used to be, right there, there's a place called La Caridad. | ||
| It's a Cuban Chinese place. | ||
| I sent Ari there. | ||
| You get pork fried rice with a pork chop and black beans. | ||
| It's fucking ridiculous. | ||
| And it's Chinese people speaking Spanish. | ||
| What does it sound like? | ||
| But they talk Chinese style, but Spanish. | ||
| Can you hear what that sounds like? | ||
| What does it sound like? | ||
| Like really fast. | ||
| Let's say I say, That's how you'd say it? | ||
| That's how I'd say it. | ||
| They'd say, And they'd talk really fast. | ||
| To see a Chinese person speak Spanish will blow your fucking mind. | ||
| We'll blow your mind. | ||
| So if you ever have a... | ||
| I even sent Opie there. | ||
| Opie ended up going there. | ||
| So I was on Opie& Anthony talking about how that's a weird restaurant. | ||
| If you go in there high, be prepared to go into shock. | ||
| And when I was younger, there were more. | ||
| There were like Campanachina, that's the Chinese bell. | ||
| There was a couple more like in where I came from, in West New York, there in Jersey. | ||
| That's fucking crazy. | ||
| That's like a thing. | ||
| If you see a Chinese guy with an English accent, you go, whoa, hey, what's going on here? | ||
| It doesn't assimilate. | ||
| But that might be the biggest one. | ||
| That's the biggest one. | ||
| Yeah, a Chinese person with a Cuban accent speaking Spanish. | ||
| Super fast. | ||
| Why is it so fast? | ||
| They just always like multitask. | ||
| They're like that ahead of us. | ||
| They have a very fast way of talking. | ||
| The rhythm of the Chinese tone. | ||
| But they put it into the Spanish. | ||
| How crazy is it that there's so many different sounds that people make just to talk? | ||
| Like you hear those African people, they're talking like clicks and... | ||
| They start, like, what? | ||
| Like, they just developed, that's their style. | ||
| They figured out their style of making noise, and that each noise means a certain thing. | ||
| And Cubans figured out this kind of, like, flowing, almost dancing style, and Germans have this fucking hard, you know, everything's, you know, and then the Chinese people, they figured out their own thing. | ||
| It's all totally different. | ||
| All of them different. | ||
| The Japanese have the grunts. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, they have their own thing. | ||
| I like when I hear Portuguese. | ||
| This is what blows my mind when I watch a fight and they're talking to the interpreter. | ||
| When I watch Portuguese, I understand a few words just from being Spanish. | ||
| I don't understand all of them. | ||
| I'm not going to lie to you. | ||
| But then it's weird. | ||
| Then you have all these countries together. | ||
| But, like, when Sicilians talk around me, I know exactly what they're saying. | ||
| They can't pull the wool over mine. | ||
| That island is half fucking Spanish. | ||
| They don't even know it. | ||
| When Sicilians talk, I pick more words up. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| So when Portuguese say a five-word sentence, I pick up one word, and then I'll take it from there, my imagination. | ||
| But when Sicilians talk, I could take four out of the five words. | ||
| Like, I understand. | ||
| It's closer to Spanish. | ||
| So somewhere along the line, I always figured out we were connected somewhere. | ||
| There's some French words that I understand as Spanish. | ||
| It's kind of weird. | ||
| I don't know if I can explain it the right way. | ||
| Well, there's like the romance languages, right? | ||
| Like Latin, Spanishes, Frenches, right? | ||
| Those are like what they call the romance languages, like old-school European languages that have that sort of flair to them. | ||
| There's like a beauty to a lot of those older languages. | ||
| It's interesting just how different parts of the country develop different sounds for talking. | ||
| You know, when you listen to people from, like, the South Pacific, or another weird one is Filipinos. | ||
| When you hear Filipinos, you're like, wow, that's like kind of a combination of stuff. | ||
| Like, theirs is like a combination of sort of like an Asian, but a Spanish. | ||
| There's like a flow to it. | ||
| It's a weird thing, right? | ||
| And a lot of, like, a lot of Filipinos have, like, traditionally Spanish last names as well. | ||
| Well, they were conquered by the Spanish, right? | ||
| Yeah, it was like Spanish and Chinese, right? | ||
| It's a combination of Spanish and Chinese. | ||
| And they're all Catholic, right? | ||
| Yeah, that's true. | ||
| Big time Catholic community. | ||
| Yeah, like Manny Pacquiao. | ||
| Super fucking religious guy. | ||
| Big time Catholic community. | ||
| I read something recently about how emojis is the most advanced language that's been created recently, just because you can pretty much cross, you know, I could talk to a Japanese person by emoji to some point, and if you think about it, that's how cavemen started, so they might have been way more advanced in their language, and we would have been just shitting on them the whole time. | ||
| Well, cavemen didn't really do it in pictures. | ||
| I mean, they made pictures on the wall, but we don't think that they were communicating. | ||
| But they do think that hieroglyphics were like a super advanced way of communicating. | ||
| We don't quite get it, you know? | ||
| There's no poop emoji type thing for that. | ||
| It's more advanced like triangles and eyeballs and stuff, right? | ||
| Is that what the language looks like? | ||
| Yeah, it's all different symbols. | ||
| I don't totally understand it. | ||
| A lot of Egyptian language was lost. | ||
| A lot of their writing was lost in something called the fire of Alexandria. | ||
| When they burned Alexandria, I guess they burned a lot of really cool shit. | ||
| They destroyed all the records. | ||
| There might have been explanations for how they built all that shit. | ||
| All of it got destroyed because it was all on, I guess, a paper or a papyrus, which I don't think is really a paper. | ||
| I think it's an animal skin thing. | ||
| Paper made with animal skins. | ||
| But yeah, those fucking people, man, they drew on their walls. | ||
| They had their history of their creation and all this different shit, and it was all just written in these different images. | ||
| You know, they just wrote in images. | ||
| Like, we think that you have to write in letters, because that's how we write. | ||
| We write in letters. | ||
| But if we never wrote in letters, we only wrote in images. | ||
| I mean, we would just develop a really advanced system for communicating in images. | ||
| When you look at someone's writing and you don't understand it, if you look at Portuguese or something like that, you don't understand what it means. | ||
| You kind of just look at how the little letters and everything are all smushed in together to try to make a strange sound. | ||
| It doesn't click and register. | ||
| But then when you read something that you absolutely know what it is, the thought and the idea immediately enters into your head. | ||
| It would be way more universal if it was like images. | ||
| So it does make sense. | ||
| Yeah, like, I mean, if you think about it, like, look at the old Egyptian, you know, King Tut, with, like, the hand going up and one going down. | ||
| And then you look at, like, our emoji system, where we have, like, that one, like, hey Felicia chick with her hand to the sideways. | ||
| We know exactly what that means when a girl sends it. | ||
| It's like, hey, whatever. | ||
| But if you see the Egyptian, that's kind of, like, the same exact shit. | ||
| I don't know what the fuck did that mean. | ||
| Why did the Egyptians hold their hand that weird way? | ||
| Was it just a Walk the Egyptian music video that I'm thinking of? | ||
| Maybe they never did. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, they did. | |
| They did in hieroglyphs. | ||
| They did. | ||
| I was Pig Latin. | ||
| Break that down in a minute. | ||
| It's like you say nay at the end of everything. | ||
| You take the first letter away and then you, like, you wouldn't say Diaz, you would say, uh, yes day. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Isn't that how you do it? | ||
| Yes, nay. | ||
| Okay. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| When I was a kid, my mom... | ||
| Ixnay on the Ixnay. | ||
| Right, I've heard that. | ||
| You know, I don't even know how to say it. | ||
| There's a Spanish one when you're Cuban and they have a pig Latin and my mom used to talk to me in Spanish as form of communication with other people in the room. | ||
| She didn't want people to know what she was saying to me. | ||
| It was like she did, she thought, she thought. | ||
| Same fucking thing. | ||
| You have to do something. | ||
| I forgot. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I fucking forgot what the fuck it was. | |
| Cuban is a very interesting Spanish. | ||
| Because it's almost like drums are playing. | ||
| When two Cuban people start going back and forth and back and forth, it's got a rhythmic quality to it. | ||
| That's loud. | ||
| It's loud. | ||
| The conversation gets louder and louder and louder, and you actually think there's an argument going on, but there's really not. | ||
| There's not even at all. | ||
| It's just two people who are so passionate about the subject they're talking about, i.e. | ||
| baseball. | ||
| You know, when you get them going, don't start that fucking argument. | ||
| Well, what was the documentary they saw where they went to Cuba and they were watching these guys pay to argue? | ||
| They would pay to discuss, like, sports. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like, they'd pay to, like, to argue. | |
| They would go to this one area, and they would get together with other guys who wanted to argue about sports. | ||
| And they would actually, like, they had, like, a ticket. | ||
| They would go in there and argue about, like, soccer, you know? | ||
| Or baseball. | ||
| If you really know baseball, like, their arguments are beautiful arguments. | ||
| That thing I used to do years ago where I'd yell and then walk away. | ||
| That's Cuban. | ||
| That means the conversation's over. | ||
| Whatever you got to say, I don't need to hear because you're wrong. | ||
| That's what that means. | ||
| That's that body that they argue all day about dumb shit, music, you know, baseball. | ||
| It's interesting to them, but they detail it so much that they suck you in with the conversation, you know? | ||
| Like that fucking Yoel Romero, dude. | ||
| Who more embodies Cuba and Cuban athletics than that guy? | ||
| Him, like, he's like, when I think of, like, Cuban athletes, like Cuban super athletes, you think, yo, Romero, right? | ||
| Well, the thing that, the most thing that he has about being a Cuban is that he's 38 and you don't really know. | ||
| Oh, you can't tell at all? | ||
| Nobody knows at all if he's 38. He could be 22, dog. | ||
| He could be sucking you in and nobody really knows. | ||
| We really haven't, those birth certificates... | ||
| They went away. | ||
| You just pick an age. | ||
| What do you want to be? | ||
| 30 years. | ||
| None. | ||
| He competed as a wrestler for a long time, so they know he's at least a certain age. | ||
| No, I'm just teasing, but there's always something with the Cuban. | ||
| I remember when my mom died, I told my aunt, she goes, how old was your mom? | ||
| 48. Fuck! | ||
| She's been 48 for 10 fucking years! | ||
| You know, because it's true. | ||
| You don't know, dawg. | ||
| You never know these motherfuckers' ages. | ||
| They won't tell you. | ||
| You know, that last fight, he fought fucking great, man. | ||
| Did you see the one before that where he told people to not... | ||
| He was trying to say, don't forget Jesus. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But they didn't get it because he's got a thick, thick Cuban accent. | ||
| The thickest. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So he goes, don't forget Jesus. | |
| Don't forget Jesus. | ||
| So, people thought he was saying, no, forget Jesus. | ||
| Like, there's no gay Jesus. | ||
| Like, Jesus isn't gay. | ||
| It could have been way worse, though. | ||
| But all he was saying was forget. | ||
| Don't forget Jesus. | ||
| He was saying, don't forget Jesus. | ||
| He was just saying, you know, I won. | ||
| Don't forget Jesus. | ||
| You know why I didn't go to the win here? | ||
| Why? | ||
| You know why I didn't go that way? | ||
| Why'd you not go that way? | ||
| Because I would have gone off on him, that he would have beat up Jacare, Luke, and Aldo and everybody on that ring that night. | ||
| I know how to motivate Cubans. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| Oh, with religion. | ||
| They're radicals. | ||
| That's what you would do? | ||
| You would just start talking about God? | ||
| I'm just talking about Ogun, the metal God of Cuba. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The metal? | |
| Wait a minute. | ||
| Hold on. | ||
| There's a God in Santeria. | ||
| There's a God, Ogun. | ||
| And he's the one that, he's the metal worker. | ||
| He's the fucking built. | ||
| When you go on YouTube, look for Ogun, he's always a big, yoked black guy that lives in the jungle. | ||
| And he only comes out when there's a problem. | ||
| So if I would have seen Y'all Romero that day, I would have said, I would have got his blood going. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| I would have got his blood going and shit. | ||
| Dog, I started doing that to Anderson Silva when I first met him. | ||
| And I remember one day in the hallway, he couldn't take his eyes off me. | ||
| People were talking to him. | ||
| They kept looking back. | ||
| What's that motherfucker saying? | ||
| Because it's big in Brazilian. | ||
| That shit is big in Brazilian. | ||
| So I would have started saying, "Oye, tu eres hijo de un. | ||
| Oye, Ogui." And I would have started saying who my mother is. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| Yo soy hijo, la santísima caridad de cobre. | ||
| Y te estoy diciendo que le tiene que meter leña. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yo te estoy diciendo que le tiene que meter galletazos hasta por gusto. | |
| Look at Ogun. | ||
| That's the dude? | ||
| That's Joe Romero. | ||
| Look at him. | ||
| That's Ogun. | ||
| He does look like him. | ||
| No, all black, muscular, Cuban dudes that look like that, you fire them up, tell them they're Ogunsons. | ||
| And they go, fucking nuts! | ||
| That's Ogunsons and shit! | ||
| I'll get you fucking fired up with all those images. | ||
| How come I never heard this before? | ||
| Because this is huge in Cuba. | ||
| Who's this guy? | ||
| This guy, right here. | ||
| That's Ogun, see? | ||
| So there's like a series of black porn films. | ||
| LAUGHTER With these guys, shirtless, six-pack, covered in oil. | ||
| This is the God of the jungle. | ||
| And he, like, is in charge of machinery. | ||
| When machinery goes bad and shit like that, you have to pray to him. | ||
| He has all the weapons of metal. | ||
| He just shows up with metal and starts... | ||
| He has a metal axe, a metal fucking everything. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| And that's why I would have busted him with that. | ||
| I would have gotten to his head with Ogun. | ||
| And that takes over Jesus and Cuba. | ||
| That's what you were brought up on. | ||
| You heard that growing up. | ||
| So even if you convert it to Christianity later on, that'll still get under your fucking skin. | ||
| Like, I'll throw her out of your cage and shit. | ||
| Bro, if I would have started saying that shit to him, he would have thrown everybody out of the ring. | ||
| John McCarthy. | ||
| It would have been that episode of Curly and the Little Rascals when they fought, not Little Rascals, Three Stooges. | ||
| They wanted Curly to wrestle for a benefit. | ||
| But the problem was, whenever Curly smelled wild hyacinth, he went fucking nuts. | ||
| So he's on the bottom of the pile. | ||
| The guy's beating him. | ||
| And all of a sudden, Moe comes over and makes him sniff the fucking thing. | ||
| Curly pushes him off him. | ||
| What is it called? | ||
| Wild high scent? | ||
| Wild high scent. | ||
| What is it? | ||
| Like some fucking herb or something. | ||
| This is like in the 40s or whatever. | ||
| It was made. | ||
| And all of a sudden, you flash back. | ||
| And you just see Curly hitting everybody. | ||
| People are coming up, and then he gets a hold of the bell, and he starts clocking people with the bell from the Wild Heisens, and they flip over to Curly, hitting people with the bell, and all of a sudden they flip over to the middle of the ring, and they're all piled on top of each other, dog. | ||
| He knocked out 18 people with that fucking bell. | ||
| That's what I would have done to your old girl Merrill that day. | ||
| He would have gone until the audience banged your head with fucking... | ||
| Big what's his name? | ||
| Goldberg. | ||
| I felt bad when that whole forget Jesus thing went down. | ||
| It was so bad. | ||
| Everybody was piling on them. | ||
| They all just assumed. | ||
| It was really bad because you gotta know that Cuban accent. | ||
| The T's become wise. | ||
| That's how they do it. | ||
| In a thick accent like that, nobody figured it out. | ||
| It was weird. | ||
| It was weird to watch. | ||
| They were all like, he's making a statement against gay people. | ||
| Oh, man. | ||
| I do it. | ||
| When I heard it, I was like, this mother, because half of Cuba is pro-gay. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And the other fucking half of Cuba, they'll take you shark hunting. | ||
| But didn't you understand what he was saying, seeing as you speak Spanish with a Cuban accent? | ||
| No, I didn't. | ||
| You didn't get it. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| You know, I'm half deaf, so I really didn't hear what the fuck he was saying. | ||
| That's why you're always screaming. | ||
| Yeah, that's why I'm always screaming. | ||
| Yeah, I kind of heard about it after they had already figured out what it was. | ||
| But when I heard it, I was like, yeah, that's what he's saying. | ||
| He's saying, don't forget Jesus. | ||
| He's fucking Cuban. | ||
| It's like, don't forget Jesus! | ||
| Don't forget! | ||
| Don't forget! | ||
| And, you know, that's him saying, don't forget Jesus. | ||
| He fucking loves you. | ||
| I think I've beaten it into the ground. | ||
| I love him. | ||
| I could tell the way he says your name. | ||
| George Roga! | ||
| It's an honor. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| He loves you. | ||
| I could tell how he's excited. | ||
| You know, the thing that they should do that the UFC always misses is just tape the best corners in the business of George A. Miles Duvall and Yoho Romero. | ||
| And I hear it very... | ||
| Because the things they say... | ||
| Are ridiculous. | ||
| What are they saying? | ||
| They're ridiculous. | ||
| They're saying it in Spanish? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Cuban Spanish? | ||
| What are they saying? | ||
| One time I was hearing Georgie Mandoval's trainer saying... | ||
| Masvidal. | ||
| You know what a galletazo is? | ||
| An open-handed bit slap. | ||
| You can't do that. | ||
| And the guy's like, oh, yeah. | ||
| That's Cubanismo shit. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| You can't smack somebody, but in our mind, metal un galletazo fires you up. | ||
| Oh, I get it. | ||
| Listen to it. | ||
| Remember, a bit slap is a bit slap. | ||
| In Cuban, it's un... | ||
| He was saying, metal un galletazo. | ||
| You know what a galletazo is? | ||
| What? | ||
| An airplane. | ||
| That means hit him with one of these things that come across the head like a fucking wild punch. | ||
| So if you talk to a Cuban, one time they were interviewing Stevenson in like the 70s, and they go, so Stevenson, what happened? | ||
| And the guy's like, you know, trying to... | ||
| And Stevenson said it, and I almost died as a little kid. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| I hit him with a plane. | ||
| That's what they're called. | ||
| What a great language. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| And it has so many different meanings. | ||
| And the truth of the matter is, it's such a funny language because they say shit. | ||
| Like one time, one of the nicest things you ever said to me is you were stuck in an airport. | ||
| And all of a sudden you heard this party going on at 7 in the morning. | ||
| People were delayed. | ||
| And you looked over and they were Cubans. | ||
| And they were like, I got you that day. | ||
| That's when I really got you. | ||
| I got you. | ||
| It ain't you. | ||
| It's your culture. | ||
| They're little, you know. | ||
| Well, I remember that day very well. | ||
| These people were having fun, man. | ||
| They were speaking Spanish with clearly Cuban accents. | ||
| They were dancing. | ||
| They would have the little girls dancing with the father was dancing. | ||
| They were playing music out of their phone. | ||
| I was like, look at these fucking people. | ||
| They don't give a fuck. | ||
| They're just here having a good time. | ||
| They're just here having a good time. | ||
| It's beautiful. | ||
| See, you know, the one thing that I don't know too much about politics and I don't know too much about, like, the embargo and how it all went down. | ||
| I know very little of it, honestly. | ||
| But what I do know is something strange about a culture like Cuba that's kind of existed outside of the influence of the United States, purely. | ||
| You know, I mean, obviously we're only 90 miles away, but since there was an embargo and there was all this bullshit that was going on back and forth between the two countries, they kind of existed in their own space. | ||
| And when you see it, like in video, and you see like the cars, all 1950s cars done up beautifully, and people were driving them around, they put like diesel engines in some of them and shit. | ||
| They're all like self-sustaining. | ||
| And you look at these people and you see the flowing style of their language and how they live, and it's all right there. | ||
| It's fucking 90 miles from Miami. | ||
| It's nothing. | ||
| If you could drive there in a car, it would take you an hour and a half. | ||
| It's closer than San Diego. | ||
| And it's a totally different world. | ||
| Totally different world that essentially existed with very little U.S. influence. | ||
| Other than the fact that we're close by and, you know, they have to deal with us, but other than that, I mean, they're doing their own thing down there. | ||
| And the athletes, Jesus fucking Christ, how many countries that are that small produce the kind of athletes that Cuba has? | ||
| Just think about how many baseball players have defected and become, like, major league baseball players. | ||
| How many boxers have defected and become world champions? | ||
| Like, there's a lot of, like, super high-level boxers that come over there from there. | ||
| Judo guys guys like Hector Lombard, you know, I mean that kind of that caliber of athlete like Jesus Christ a Lot of them come from Cuba. | ||
| Look at the Hector Lombard and Yoel Romero both what you would call what-the-fuck athletes You know you look at both of them you go what the fuck? | ||
| And I'm thinking what did they lift in Cuba? | ||
| They got them that big? | ||
| They eat two eggs a fucking year in Cuba. | ||
| What protein sauce? | ||
| They got no juice in Cuba. | ||
| How do you get that fucking big? | ||
| And I've seen listen when I went home I went with my wife and the baby to New York, and one day I said, listen, before we go into the city, let me take you to my neighborhood. | ||
| I took them to the actual park I used to play in, where I used to see some crazy shit. | ||
| I sat across the street from Carmine Balzano's house, the guy that shot the guy seven times in self-defense and all that shit, and got away with it, and they took away his pension. | ||
| I'm just staring at the house. | ||
| I'm like, I remember being out here when the FBI had that house surrounded. | ||
| And they fucking found Patty Hearst's machine gun in that house. | ||
| That's how deep Carmine was, dog. | ||
| And he was a cop. | ||
| That's how deep this guy was in my hometown. | ||
| And I'm going through, like, going through the... | ||
| When we were kids, we had to do the attic. | ||
| And we were finding money in the attic, dog. | ||
| Hundreds and twenties and fifties. | ||
| Whoever had the house before that had so much money, they were using it as insulation. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Like, this is crazy. | ||
| I'm thinking about all these things, but while all this is going on, it's me, my wife, and the baby, and a guy and his little girl. | ||
| And my daughter's kind of mingling with the little girl, and it's a beautiful day in Jersey. | ||
| There's leaves out and everything. | ||
| And all of a sudden, The guy's getting ready to leave, and I just said, hey man, how are you? | ||
| And I go, and I went to say, do you live around here? | ||
| Just to see if those kids come to the park. | ||
| I go, you live around here, man? | ||
| And he goes, perdóname. | ||
| I go, you live around here? | ||
| And he goes, me no. | ||
| And I go, ¿tú te cuándo? | ||
| And he goes, yeah. | ||
| I go, how long have you been here? | ||
| Eight days. | ||
| Him and his daughter had been here eight days. | ||
| They had gotten here like the day after Thanksgiving. | ||
| So right away, they offered me a Cuban cigarette, which I smoked. | ||
| I smoked a communist cigarette with the guy just talking to him. | ||
| Just to feel where he was coming from. | ||
| He was telling me how... | ||
| You're basically poor unless you tell you have to defect into professionalism. | ||
| There's a word that you defect in the country and now you work for yourself. | ||
| So this guy was 48 and he was a bicycle guy that two people sit in the back and drive you around town. | ||
| So what he was making in one day, he was making in a month. | ||
| That's why they let him defect so quickly. | ||
| They let him out of the country because you have to claim that first thing. | ||
| You don't want to be a professional. | ||
| He was telling me all this shit. | ||
| I tell you, man, I had tears in my eyes when he was telling me what... | ||
| I asked him what a daily menu was. | ||
| Like he said, he came here and saw an Italian sandwich. | ||
| He goes, coño, soy italiano, son de pinga. | ||
| That Italian sandwich, coño, I slept for 15 hours. | ||
| He goes, that was tremendous. | ||
| He had never seen it. | ||
| How can a man be 48 years old and never see an Italian sandwich? | ||
| Are you fucking kidding me? | ||
| I went home. | ||
| So what kind of menu did he say he had? | ||
| In Cuba, I think you get a dozen eggs per month. | ||
| That's it? | ||
| For a family of five. | ||
| You know, the coffee, you get like one pouch a month and you have to re-keep. | ||
| I bought him a cup of coffee. | ||
| He's like, I tasted the coffee for the first time in my life. | ||
| You have to keep going, running the filter through that coffee until there's really nothing left. | ||
| And then they do things to bring that coffee back. | ||
| You spray Windex in it or something. | ||
| Something fucking ridiculous that you sit there and go, unbelievable what they do for coffee and the liberties we have, you know? | ||
| Un-fucking-believable. | ||
| Well, a lot of it was because the U.S. stopped doing trade with them, right? | ||
| I mean, that was a big part of it. | ||
| Here's the clink of gas. | ||
| After the Bay of Pigs? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, they got nothing. | ||
| You know, I've heard from people that they went to Cuba and they've seen Washington apples at the hotels. | ||
| You know, like the hotels were getting taken care of for tourism. | ||
| But everybody else lives like savages. | ||
| But here's where the conversation gets best. | ||
| The guy's been here eight days. | ||
| He already had a fucking job. | ||
| Already had a fucking job in Sea Caucus. | ||
| I go, how's your English? | ||
| He goes, he's coming along, but I work with a bunch of Polacks, and they don't speak English, so we're kind of confused, but we make it work. | ||
| Oh, my God! | ||
| He was fucking hilarious. | ||
| And Joe Rogan, you know me, dog. | ||
| I turned around, I went in my pocket, and I had $200 bills in the 20s. | ||
| And I said, do me a favor. | ||
| I got a sister in Cuba. | ||
| It would mean the world to me if you took these two yardsticks. | ||
| And he goes, I can't do it. | ||
| He wouldn't take my money, dog. | ||
| I go, I got a sister in Cuba. | ||
| You just got here. | ||
| I go, buy your daughter something nice. | ||
| I don't know who you are. | ||
| He wouldn't take my $10. | ||
| I sat there and I go, wow, that's pride. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That's pride. | ||
| He wouldn't take my money, though. | ||
| I just... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You know, people ask you for money all the time. | ||
| This guy really fucking needs it. | ||
| He wouldn't take it. | ||
| He still had Cuban cigarettes. | ||
| He had not smoking. | ||
| And that's why I said to him, I go, go buy yourself a fucking carton of real fucking cigarettes. | ||
| How did he get in? | ||
| His sister, his daughter. | ||
| His daughter defected with the mother when she was three. | ||
| You know, they leave, and he stayed and started another family. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Like, that's it. | ||
| Can you imagine one day, like, that's it, Mrs. Rogan. | ||
| I got to go back and take care, and I'll get you back, guys, in in three years. | ||
| Well, a lot of boxers that happened to, what is that trainer, Diaz, the guy who works with Pedro Diaz? | ||
| Yeah, he works with Vitor, works with a lot of those other guys. | ||
| He left and left family back home. | ||
| They did one of the boxing pieces, the in-depth boxing pieces on him. | ||
| You know, he just realized that he just, to fulfill his dream of being a professional boxing trainer, he's got to escape. | ||
| That's got to be so hard, man, to leave your loved ones behind just because you know your life is fucked here. | ||
| I wonder if they're going to be able to get back now. | ||
| How does that happen now if we opened up a train with Cuba? | ||
| So they did the first flight of LAX. You guys saw that. | ||
| And they gave away little chocolate cigars. | ||
| It's a fucking party for these people. | ||
| So are we, like, freely allowed to go to Cuba now? | ||
| Done. | ||
| That's it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| You go with the missus. | ||
| Right from LAX. Wow. | ||
| Right from... | ||
| Is it dangerous? | ||
| ...American allies. | ||
| No. | ||
| No. | ||
| Listen, nine out of ten people will tell you this. | ||
| Nine out of ten people will go, listen, bro. | ||
| The poverty breaks your heart. | ||
| The food kind of sucks. | ||
| But the people, shit. | ||
| That's a different level of heart. | ||
| You sit there and go, wow, these people have nothing. | ||
| Why do they act this way? | ||
| If I had what these people had, I would not be a nice person at all. | ||
| They say those people, some Eric Meyer, some comic from the store pulled me aside three weeks ago. | ||
| He goes, hey man, I want to give you a present. | ||
| I don't even know the comic. | ||
| I see him up there a lot. | ||
| He goes, I went to Cuba and somebody robbed my thing on the plane and a Cuban family took me in for four days and fed me. | ||
| He goes, they had like two pork chops. | ||
| He was telling me, I never felt that way. | ||
| He goes, they're fucking beautiful people. | ||
| Everything sucks. | ||
| But the people take it to the next level. | ||
| Isn't that crazy, though? | ||
| Because that's what everybody wants. | ||
| Everybody wants a community filled with really nice people like that. | ||
| That's what everybody wants. | ||
| Everybody wants people to look out for each other, warm, friendly, funny people, right? | ||
| That's it. | ||
| So, I mean, I don't want to say this because I don't believe it, but does communism work? | ||
| Does it make better people? | ||
| I mean, if you're in this small environment like that and you're forced to work together because the United States cuts your country off, And so, I mean, I don't know who they do trade with mostly, but that had to hurt them financially. | ||
| That had to hurt their quality of life in a big way, right? | ||
| I don't even think they know what communism is. | ||
| Like, the conversations I've had face-to-face with my cousins where we go for pastrami sandwiches and we went to a Cuban place while they were in L.A. Communism didn't come up one time. | ||
| I don't have the heart to bring it up or what it's like. | ||
| I don't want to know. | ||
| But they know that other people can do whatever they want and work on what they want. | ||
| What's the place we go to? | ||
| What's the fucking place we go to for pastramo when we were at the store? | ||
| Cantor's. | ||
| We went to Cantor's and they started singing Stay Away to Heaven. | ||
| I almost fucking died. | ||
| And now they had to sneak the album around. | ||
| Like, they still had albums. | ||
| We're talking about CDs here. | ||
| They had vinyl, you know? | ||
| And they were like, you have no idea. | ||
| Like, if you get caught with that vinyl, you go to jail. | ||
| Go to jail. | ||
| For vinyl. | ||
| We go to jail here for having a pound of coke. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| A fucking album. | ||
| You go to jail, they write you up, you gotta fuckin' go through some process, you might lose your job, you know. | ||
| And they were singing Stand Where to Heaven. | ||
| And the way they sang it, and fuckin' we hear it, is two different worlds, man. | ||
| It was like, they sang it with heart. | ||
| This was big to them. | ||
| You know, you don't know the overwhelming feeling when You come to America. | ||
| People don't know the first time you learn a sentence to a fucking song. | ||
| You know how big that is? | ||
| The first time you learn how to say cool. | ||
| Cool. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Cool. | |
| Oh, cool. | ||
| And then they'll still fuck it up. | ||
| You know, you have no idea what it means to you, you know what I'm saying? | ||
| Like, to really absorb this, to be a fucking American is huge to an outsider. | ||
| We take this for granted every fucking day. | ||
| I see these jerk offs walking around. | ||
| They have no fucking idea. | ||
| They have no idea until you talk to somebody Cuban or you talk to somebody from a country that they've been kind of fucked up. | ||
| You know, hey, listen, man, when I live in Boulder, I got nothing to hide. | ||
| One of my best friends was a bad-ass Muslim dude, and he wasn't radical. | ||
| The reason why I'm here is because he taught me how to fucking read and write. | ||
| He helped me with my GED. His name was Muhammad Zabib. | ||
| I'll never forget that motherfucker. | ||
| And I crack jokes on all that shit, but that was my boy when I lived in Boulder. | ||
| He used to bring me hash. | ||
| I used to make him smoke reefer. | ||
| He taught me how to smoke a fucking cigarette with tobacco. | ||
| You know, the Egyptians, whatever those people, they fucking get the fucking tobacco with the weed and the hash. | ||
| I almost had a heart attack, though. | ||
| And he's over there blasting this fucking thing, like, you know. | ||
| And I used to talk to him, like, how is it? | ||
| And he would tell me, look at these fucking unappreciative Americans. | ||
| He would say it to me all the fucking time. | ||
| He came here when he was nine, and the first time he sang a Beatles song, he almost fucking died. | ||
| Like to sing a whole Beatles song, you know, like Let It Be or something like that. | ||
| That was fucking amazing to him, to learn another language. | ||
| It was so overwhelming, you know, to come from someplace where you hear gunfire every night. | ||
| Can you imagine living in Israel and hearing machine gun every night? | ||
| That's how you fucking go to bed. | ||
| And all of a sudden you come here and you move to Studio City. | ||
| And you're gluten free and shit. | ||
| I had a friend of mine named Shuki. | ||
| He was from Israel. | ||
| He was a kickboxing trainer. | ||
| Majiro Gym. | ||
| And he had a place in Tarzana for a while. | ||
| That's where I met him. | ||
| And he's an Israeli dude. | ||
| And him and his family, his wife was Israeli, his kids. | ||
| And I had dinner over his house once after we worked out, and they brought out bongo drums, dude. | ||
| And they start playing bongo drums. | ||
| He's playing bongo drums, and his wife starts dancing, and his kid gets up and starts dancing. | ||
| And I was like, wow! | ||
| Like, they're not even drunk, dude. | ||
| There's not even any alcohol. | ||
| We're drinking water. | ||
| They just start dancing, like playing the drums and dancing. | ||
| And I go, you guys are so happy. | ||
| Like, you're so... | ||
| He goes, you know why? | ||
| He goes, in Israel... | ||
| I'm doing a terrible accent. | ||
| In Israel, every day, like, could be death. | ||
| Every day, could be more war. | ||
| Every day. | ||
| So when it's not, it's party, party, party. | ||
| And that's what he's doing. | ||
| They're like eating this cool, they had like Israeli food. | ||
| You know, I don't want to fuck up the names of the food because it was quite a few years ago. | ||
| But they were eating like the traditional Israeli food and playing the bongo drums and the lady was dancing, the little kid, he has a little son, his son was dancing. | ||
| I was like, wow. | ||
| Like I felt like... | ||
| I felt privileged that they had showed me that. | ||
| You know, like, I don't know anybody like you. | ||
| Like, here, I'm hanging out with you. | ||
| Like, this is their regular night for them. | ||
| They do this shit all the time. | ||
| They come home. | ||
| He comes home from training people. | ||
| He busts out the bongo drums. | ||
| The wife starts dancing. | ||
| They start having a little party. | ||
| Like, that's just... | ||
|
unidentified
|
They're free. | |
| They're, like, loose. | ||
| And his... | ||
| The way he described it, he was like, in Israel, it's just so dangerous. | ||
| You know, especially this is, like... | ||
| Early 2000s, you know? | ||
| It's always dangerous over there, though. | ||
| There's always something going on. | ||
| They're always involved in conflict. | ||
| Mandatory. | ||
| The military is mandatory. | ||
| You have to join the military for a certain amount of years. | ||
| Everybody's military. | ||
| Everybody's trained. | ||
| So it's a whole country of, like... | ||
| And there's, like, a deep camaraderie because there's not that many of them. | ||
| And they're a small country surrounded by a lot of Arab countries. | ||
| And then you add on top of that the fucking partying. | ||
| Did you have you been at the store when Israeli death squad fans come over? | ||
| You've seen them? | ||
| Have you seen them at the store? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| They are. | ||
| Remember the people you called me and said they were waiting for you? | ||
| I got stuck at that fucking dumb movie premiere. | ||
| Remember? | ||
| Those are Israelis. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| When Israelis come to the store, you better be prepared. | ||
| They fucking come heavy duty to the store. | ||
| I've been up there a couple of Tuesdays and three of them would step up on me. | ||
| We're from Israel! | ||
| Where's the Flying Jew? | ||
| We want a body. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Where's the Stars of Dad? | |
| They're fucking nuts. | ||
| And you gotta love them. | ||
| You gotta love them. | ||
| They were comics. | ||
| From listening to Rogan Experience, they started doing comedy. | ||
| I guess Israel's got a big comedy scene there now. | ||
| It's just starting now. | ||
| It's just starting. | ||
| And they fucking want to be rough comics. | ||
| So the one kid's like, I'm trying to do fucking Hitler jokes. | ||
| And they're throwing me out of all these places. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm fucking howling. | |
| I'm howling. | ||
| People are like, what is he talking about? | ||
| He's like, I'm doing fucking these dirty Hitler jokes and the Israeli people throwing me out of restaurants and shit. | ||
| So he goes, I'm coming to America to do Hitler jokes. | ||
| Nothing but heart. | ||
| Nothing but heart these motherfuckers. | ||
| I'm sitting there going, oh, no. | ||
| Where's the flying Jew? | ||
| We want to meet him. | ||
| I'm coming to America to do Hitler jokes. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| He was pissed, this kid. | ||
| He was serious. | ||
| He's like, dog, my comedy's a little rough, man. | ||
| He goes, I'm up there doing fucking Nazi jokes and shit. | ||
| They told me I had the comedy venues. | ||
| I actually had him on the Ice House Chronicles. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Did you? | |
| You had that crazy motherfucker? | ||
| I was like, dude, you're only in town once. | ||
| I'm telling you. | ||
| You're crazy. | ||
| What's his name? | ||
| What was his name? | ||
| Nice kid. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nice guy. | |
| And there was two guys. | ||
| It was two guys. | ||
| Johnny Nice Guy. | ||
| And then they came. | ||
| Well, let's find his name out. | ||
| A couple of weeks ago, a couple came. | ||
| An Israeli couple came. | ||
| They had just gotten married on their honeymoon. | ||
| They came to the comedy store. | ||
| That was their honeymoon. | ||
| And they were nuts, bro. | ||
| They had the bucket with the booze. | ||
| They were yelling. | ||
| They came out, took pictures, hugs, yelling. | ||
| We love it! | ||
| Yeah, this kid was real. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, that's right. | ||
| I'm telling you. | ||
| That night I left, I was like, this is real. | ||
| We're getting motherfuckers from Israel to come over here to meet Death Squad and do comedy. | ||
| And he was really funny. | ||
| And he was really funny. | ||
| Joe, Joe. | ||
| Did he do stand-up? | ||
| Did he do the show? | ||
| Yeah, he did Kill Tony. | ||
| That's how I met him. | ||
| And then I invited him to the Ice House. | ||
| Because if somebody does really good on Kill Tony, I'll invite him on to the Friday show. | ||
| And so he was great. | ||
| And he did the podcast and everything. | ||
| What's his name? | ||
| I'm looking at it. | ||
| He went back to Israel. | ||
| He's coming back. | ||
| Because he sent me an email. | ||
| I had a blast. | ||
| That's awesome. | ||
| You know, we were getting a lot of Australian people showing up at the store. | ||
| Australian people at the store and at the Ice House, too. | ||
| And they go on, like, these comedy tourist vacations. | ||
| Like, Australia, they get, like, a month off of work. | ||
| If you're lucky, if you have a really good company, you get two weeks off, right? | ||
| And they usually encourage you to not take both those weeks, right? | ||
| They'll incentivize you, right? | ||
| Isn't that how it works, normally? | ||
| But in Australia, I think they get a whole month off. | ||
| So I think these motherfuckers just go on vacation. | ||
| They just go chill places. | ||
| You know, Joe Rogan, you get into comedy, Jamie. | ||
| You do well in whatever market you start in. | ||
| You come to LA or New York and you succeed and they value, you know, whatever success you think it is, getting on a TV show or movies, which is becoming a really funny comic and working, I never dreamed of what's going on now. | ||
| Every time I wake up, my feet hit the floor. | ||
| I thank God for what's going on now. | ||
| I don't want to do movies. | ||
| I don't want to do TV. I just want this movement to keep growing. | ||
| This is not what I intended. | ||
| This is all new to me, man. | ||
| This is all new to me. | ||
| And nobody asked for this. | ||
| Most comics ask for success, to be rich and famous. | ||
| The success we're getting is something different, man. | ||
| We're fucking reaching the globe. | ||
| You know, in his fucking heyday, and I'm not saying that, you know, yeah, Howard was big here. | ||
| These little podcasts are reaching the fucking globe, Joe Rogan. | ||
| Was that his name? | ||
| I think so. | ||
| You know, when I'm at the store and somebody comes up to me from Switzerland or Finland or wherever they're from that's not California, and they're like, we came out to the store to see you. | ||
| They do. | ||
| They're doing these comedy fucking vacations. | ||
| And you get in your car... | ||
| Can you pronounce that? | ||
| And you drive home and you don't even know where this is coming from. | ||
| Last night some girl came from like fucking Hong Kong and gave me a present up at the fucking Hong Kong Gardens in Mentora last night. | ||
| She was here for Christmas. | ||
| She was like, listen to you in Hong fucking Kong. | ||
| You never dreamt of that? | ||
| No. | ||
| And that's a way different type of success, man. | ||
| Well, there's definitely something happening because of these podcasts where you're getting this connection with people. | ||
| Like, I did shows in Australia, and they might as well have been in Irvine. | ||
| You know, just a bunch of cool people. | ||
| They just had different accents. | ||
| What's his name? | ||
| Tal Mordahay? | ||
| Tal Mordahay Jr. Tal Mordahay. | ||
| T-A-L-N-A-V-E-J-R on Twitter. | ||
| Alright, alright, alright. | ||
| I'll check that dude out. | ||
| But yeah, no one, we never thought this. | ||
| I mean, Brian, this is like, we're almost at our 6th anniversary, right? | ||
| I know. | ||
| This is our 6th anniversary. | ||
| Christmas Eve, actually. | ||
| Or is it New Year's Eve? | ||
| Somewhere around now. | ||
| Somewhere in this area. | ||
| I want to say it was the 29th. | ||
| No, I remember it was Christmas Eve because it was weird doing it on Christmas Eve. | ||
| I'm pretty sure it was... | ||
| It was totally this month. | ||
| Whenever it was, it was definitely this month. | ||
| Six years ago. | ||
| Just fucking around on Ustream. | ||
| Just answering questions, you know? | ||
| The pre-hiv days. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bored. | |
| Bored. | ||
| I had a good time last night, and it's weird. | ||
| I do this at Hong Kong Gardens. | ||
| I'll tell you why I like this place. | ||
| I like the comedy scene. | ||
| Like a Ventura comedy scene. | ||
| I like the Ventura comedy scene because it reminds me of... | ||
| They have a porn comic. | ||
| They have black comics. | ||
| What's that mean? | ||
| She's a chick that does porn. | ||
| I was definitely doing that. | ||
| I was having two people fucking behind me and me doing like three minutes. | ||
| It's a good move. | ||
| And fucking... | ||
| I was just thinking about doing this. | ||
| You know how Seinfeld does comedy in cars, coffee with cars? | ||
| I don't want to see nobody drinking coffee. | ||
| What if I did stand-up and behind me there's a bed and there's a chick getting plowed for three minutes and I just do a bit and then we fucking end the bit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's it. | |
| Yeah, if you can get them in the right position where your head covers all the naughty parts. | ||
| What do you think? | ||
| Yeah, this is what I'm saying. | ||
| You can see the top of his ass as he peeks right above the back of your head, and that's it. | ||
| It's just the top of his ass is all you can see. | ||
| But isn't YouTube like Sons of Anarchy, you can see that guy fucking a chick. | ||
| They don't show his dick or his pussy. | ||
| It's like late night cable. | ||
| It's on HBO. Can't you show, like, a guy's muffler while you're doing stand-up with a suit and a tuxedo on? | ||
| I don't think you can show buttholes on, but you can't show a butt. | ||
| Like, as long as you don't see the actual hole. | ||
| You could show a naked butt. | ||
| On YouTube? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, definitely. | ||
| Naked man or a woman's butt. | ||
| But you can't show the hole. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, you can. | |
| During sex? | ||
| I mean, if they were just sitting there with a butt in the air, maybe. | ||
| But it feels fucking... | ||
| With YouTube, all it takes is a few people complaining. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And you get taken down. | ||
| Like, you can get taken down for offensive shit. | ||
| Or they make it, you click on that thing that says you're over 18. They could set it up like that. | ||
| Except that I saw somebody, I think Kristina Pajitzky, post a natural childbirth video the other day that was on YouTube. | ||
| And that was one of the most graphical, disgusting things. | ||
| Yeah, but it's nature. | ||
| Beautiful. | ||
| It's nature. | ||
| But that scene up there, it's just a bunch of young guys that the club broke their balls, and now they have open mics seven nights a week. | ||
| So if the club owner wouldn't have broken their balls, these kids wouldn't have done that. | ||
| You know, you have always been one of those guys that a lot of clubs in the beginning, you know, you were too dirty for a lot of clubs. | ||
| That's why you worked at Dick Doherty fucking rooms, because... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But it's so weird. | ||
| So when you represent them, I'm one of those guys. | ||
| I didn't, you know... | ||
| I had a fucking... | ||
| Seattle Underground was the one where I nurtured with Ron Reed in those days because that was a club and they accepted crazy people. | ||
| Yeah, all of us. | ||
| We were all up there. | ||
| You know the difference? | ||
| When you're young and you suck, which I definitely did, and you're not dirty, at least you're not hurting anybody's feelings. | ||
| You're not offensive. | ||
| But, if you're young and you suck and you're dirty, you're disgusting. | ||
| Like, you're gonna just say the most disgusting... | ||
| You're not gonna know where the line is, so you're gonna fuck up. | ||
| Yeah, but the first 18 months of my comedy career, I was clean. | ||
| Until I saw Lenny Clark's video, and then I started going off a little bit more. | ||
| Really? | ||
| 18 months? | ||
| Yeah, because everybody put this fear of God into me. | ||
| So I used to wear, like, a nerdy suit and go up there and tell fucking jokes about whatever. | ||
| Well, I've always said that you are the guy that surprised me the most with how you figured comedy out, like almost, you hit this point. | ||
| Like when I first met you, and you were first doing the store, You would be the funniest guy in the world in that parking lot. | ||
| Like we would all hang out in the parking lot. | ||
| You would just be killing everybody in the parking lot. | ||
| But then you would get on stage and you would stiffen up. | ||
| Like you didn't have the same relaxed way that you had. | ||
| No, I couldn't convert what I was doing outside the stage to the stage. | ||
| It's funny how I had this conversation yesterday by a guy named Charlie Barnett. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That when I watched Charlie Barnett, I really, really got it because he was the first guy. | ||
| You know how people say, well, he's a one-trick pony. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| But at least he brings himself to... | ||
| Charlie Barnett was a stand-up comic at Washington Square Park with Dave Chappelle as his fucking apprentice. | ||
| Right. | ||
| As his fucking apprentice. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then he did DC Cab, and then he did a couple serious seasons of Miami Vice, so he beat up Don Johnson because he was just crazy, a nook man, whatever his name was. | ||
| But he transformed who he was from the stage and person to the... | ||
| To the screen, which is, I always looked at, that's really fucking hard. | ||
| And that's what I always wanted to do. | ||
| Not in the screen, but just the stage. | ||
| How to get Joey Diaz on the stage. | ||
| I didn't really want people to see the real Joey Diaz. | ||
| I always was ashamed of Joey Diaz. | ||
| So I didn't want people to really want to see Joey Diaz. | ||
| So I worked clean. | ||
| But then I watched that Dice thing again and Lenny Clark. | ||
| Because I got on stage because of Dice. | ||
| But people were like, oh, you don't want to be dirty because people won't give you work. | ||
| So I actually fell for that shit. | ||
| We all did. | ||
| And then I wore the suit like Lenny Clark. | ||
| But I couldn't sell a joke in the suit even if I fucking wanted to. | ||
| I couldn't sell it in a suit. | ||
| And that's where eventually I lost the suit. | ||
| You know, you just have to lose things and you're just learning through a process, you know. | ||
| And at the store, you know where I got it? | ||
| In the belly room one night. | ||
| That's where it came to me. | ||
| Wheels was doing a show on a Thursday night at 11. There was like 13 people up there. | ||
| And I was bombing anyway. | ||
| And I remember I turned... | ||
| To my side, and for some reason, I took myself back to a corner. | ||
| I watched that movie with Al Pacino about football, and he has a great speech for Jamie Foxx one time. | ||
| He brings him to the side, and he goes, Listen, man, we got two minutes on the clock. | ||
| We're going back to when you were a kid. | ||
| Your mom just called you in for dinner. | ||
| You got one play left. | ||
| Remember, he used to run to the car and make a left, do the same fucking thing, and he scored a touchdown. | ||
| And sometimes we forget about that. | ||
| So what I did was I twisted my body around, and I put myself on the corner of 78 in Kennedy Boulevard, where I used to make fun of this guy with the limp, look at that janitor with the one eye, and that's when it started. | ||
| I stopped looking at them, and I remembered who I was. | ||
| I was letting them judge me with their eyes. | ||
| And I turned that, and I'll never forget that. | ||
| I remember going home and going, I'm onto something. | ||
| And then little by little, I started being me more up on stage. | ||
| It was real quick. | ||
| And I stopped listening. | ||
| The problem is we listen. | ||
| Well, they won't do this unless you're clean. | ||
| Oh, if you go for a showcase at the improv, you can't do this. | ||
| You have to be yourself. | ||
| Unless you're going to be yourself, you'll never move forward. | ||
| You'll never move forward in comedy. | ||
| You have to tap into this if you don't. | ||
| And everybody did it. | ||
| Everybody goes up there doing hokey jokes in the beginning. | ||
| It's no shame. | ||
| It's no embarrassment. | ||
| You do topical material and shit. | ||
| But once you start comparing that topical material with what's going on in your life and you open that up, it becomes a monster. | ||
| It takes a long time, though. | ||
| Or it takes some people longer than others But it's the work, Joe Rogan. | ||
| It's always been the work, man. | ||
| You know, I was watching Chapelle on stage. | ||
| Jesus fucking Christ, Joe. | ||
| I see the 30 years. | ||
| I see your 20 years. | ||
| But I see his 30 years. | ||
| I see that six or five year difference. | ||
| He looks at a joke really differently. | ||
| Well, he was great even when he was 19. Yes, he was. | ||
| I called him the Boston Comedy Club in 93 for Men in Tights. | ||
| I paid. | ||
| It was him, Nick DiPaolo. | ||
| What an open mic. | ||
| And he always had something. | ||
| Yeah, he's got a way of telling stories, too. | ||
| He's got a genuinely appealing way. | ||
| He delivers his material. | ||
| Like, it makes you want to laugh. | ||
| But you have a lot of that, too, man. | ||
| You have a lot of that too. | ||
| You have a lot of that genuinely appealing. | ||
| You have a different kind of chaos when you're on stage. | ||
| What I was going to say is that it happened really quick. | ||
| You went from being a guy who had a really hard time on stage most of the time, and then all of a sudden you were murdering, man. | ||
| Just murdering. | ||
| Just murdering. | ||
| I remember one time, we were doing gigs together, like, we were doing gigs together in the 90s. | ||
| 98. Yeah, in the late 90s we did some road gigs, we did a bunch of road gigs, and I remember Remember when I knew that you had caught fire? | ||
| Because we were in New Jersey. | ||
| And I think this might have been even before Fear Factor. | ||
| We were in New Jersey and you just caught fire. | ||
| We were at that Old Rascals. | ||
| And I went, whoa. | ||
| And I remember thinking, like, Joey just fucking hit this totally different level. | ||
| Like, you just figured out how to be you. | ||
| And you were on stage. | ||
| And a lot of it was because you were in Jersey and You know, and there were animals. | ||
| You remember that club? | ||
| That club was filled with savages. | ||
| It was so fun. | ||
| That Rascals Club? | ||
| Jesus Christ, that was fun. | ||
| Where was that? | ||
| In West Orange. | ||
| Yes, West Orange. | ||
| God damn. | ||
| And then there was the other one down the shore, which wasn't, it was really fun, but it was more like white people. | ||
| It was like more relaxed. | ||
| That one was filled with all sorts of freaks. | ||
| It was a great club. | ||
| So much fun. | ||
| And down the block was like a strip club from that one, like a really cold strip club with Russian chicks that had no heat. | ||
| And the other comic took me in there. | ||
| I forget who the headliner was. | ||
| I was freezing in there. | ||
| Freezing. | ||
| That was creepy. | ||
| But it was a fun rascals. | ||
| All those rascals. | ||
| What was the dude's name that ran it again? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Haddu. | |
| Got the beautiful hair? | ||
| Haddu. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What was his name? | |
| He'll call me today. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| I have his number in there. | ||
| Now forget his name. | ||
| He'll call me today to wish me a Merry Christmas after all those years. | ||
| That's awesome. | ||
| Because somebody will tell him that. | ||
| Last time or the time before we mentioned him, he called me that night. | ||
| He owns a restaurant now in Jersey. | ||
| Really? | ||
| So visit him. | ||
| The busboys went in there going, oh, my God, Joe Rogan was talking about you. | ||
| Some young college kids are like his waiters or waitresses or whatever the fuck they are. | ||
| He was always a good dude. | ||
| He was always a good dude. | ||
| It's great to go down to the store now. | ||
| And just sit in the back and watch comedy and not say a word. | ||
| I watched Norm, I watched Arsenio, and I watched Ron White. | ||
| You know what he's talking about? | ||
| He should have taken the money now. | ||
| Dave Chappelle. | ||
| I almost fucking died. | ||
| He goes, I should have taken the money. | ||
| I should have put my two feet down and taken the money and shit. | ||
| He's an interesting guy, isn't he? | ||
| Because he doesn't really put material out anymore. | ||
| He's just killing it, writing new shit, killing it everywhere, but he's not, like, doing specials. | ||
| I wonder if he's, like, thinking about doing a special. | ||
| Oh, I'm sure. | ||
| They've made him ten offers to do a special. | ||
| Yeah, but, I mean, I wonder if he even wants to, because he's so different than anybody. | ||
| Like, you can't predict that guy. | ||
| Like, what he's done so far is so unusual. | ||
| Like, they offer him this big money to do this thing, and he's like, you know what? | ||
| Fuck this. | ||
| I'm going to Africa. | ||
| Like, he goes to Africa. | ||
| You know, and then he starts doing shows in parks. | ||
| Like, Dave will have, like, people maybe never heard these stories, but he would show up with, like, a PA system, like a little portable PA system in a park in Seattle, and he would put this little PA system down and just start doing stand-up in the park. | ||
| Can Jeremy find something on YouTube? | ||
| Yeah, sure. | ||
| Jeremy, can you look at Charlie Barnett on Washington Square Park? | ||
| Yeah, I've met Charlie. | ||
| No, I met him. | ||
| Just to show Redman the gift. | ||
| Well, tell everybody what he used to do. | ||
| He used to do shows outside. | ||
| Just like he would just show up and he would drop his hat on the ground. | ||
| And do a stand-up comedy routine. | ||
| And ask people to contribute, throw money in his hat. | ||
| Wait, look at this. | ||
| I used to go to McSorley's and get eight volumes for $10 and three mugs for $1. | ||
| Bring it back to the beginning, Jimmy, and put the volume up so we could hear it. | ||
| Look at this Redman. | ||
| The volume's not working? | ||
| We've got some form of a sound issue, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| But what we're seeing for people that are just listening is this guy, Charlie Barnett, who has since passed away. | ||
| He's wearing, like, some red track pants and a white t-shirt and a white baseball hat. | ||
| And he's got this huge group of people circling him. | ||
| And he's in the middle of a park. | ||
| He just set up and he's doing stand-up comedy. | ||
| Like, he's doing with no microphone. | ||
| Here he goes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Puerto Ricans! | |
| Puerto Ricans! | ||
| We got a lot of fucking Puerto Ricans! | ||
| But I'm not going to fuck with the Puerto Ricans, man, because y'all born with knives. | ||
| You'll cut me up and I won't even know what you're saying. | ||
| And when you finish, you go, Because I got into a fight with a Puerto Rican kid, and I was winning. | ||
| I was bouncing around like Sugar Ray Linen. | ||
| I was bam, bam, bam. | ||
| He was only about that tall. | ||
| Then all of a sudden, he went like this. | ||
| And I was surrounded by a small Puerto Rican family of 4,000. | ||
| I like everything, man. | ||
| Let me borrow it, okay? | ||
| So he would do these shows. | ||
| I like the way white women walk with their pocketbook when there's no negroes around. | ||
| I don't see no niggas. | ||
| And you know what else I like about New York? | ||
| I like the way different nationalities go to work. | ||
| Everybody goes to work different. | ||
| For instance, Caucasian businessman. | ||
| I need some white people glasses. | ||
| He's like walking around borrowing shit from people. | ||
| He's been holding his lady's purse. | ||
| What year is this? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Damn, you can't see shit! | |
| I can touch my dick! | ||
| How do white guys go to work? | ||
| They got their briefcase? | ||
| I can walk just like the white man going to work. | ||
| Watch this, white guys. | ||
| This is so corny. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I love when they stand on a corner and go... | |
| And how do black folks go to work? | ||
| We be talking about... | ||
| Fuck it, I should get there by payday here. | ||
| Just to show people what it was. | ||
| I mean, this is a guy outside. | ||
| Listen, the reason why you have a microphone is for control. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He had no microphone. | ||
| He's still fucking controlling him. | ||
| You didn't see no... | ||
| I mean, he got to the point where people were going down there. | ||
| This was by, like, a college. | ||
| And my friend was a junkie. | ||
| And I was like 16. And he used to go come over to the city with me and I'd buy you some Valiums. | ||
| I'd go into the park and get heroin and wait for me at the bar. | ||
| He would get me served. | ||
| He'd get me three mugs of Budweiser. | ||
| And I'd sit there. | ||
| He'd come back when the second mug was gone. | ||
| Give me my eight pills. | ||
| I'd take two of them. | ||
| And then he'd go shoot heroin. | ||
| And I'd go, fuck it, let me go walk around the park. | ||
| And I saw this. | ||
| One time I saw this. | ||
| And I was in shock. | ||
| I'm like, I didn't like stand-up comedy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I knew none. | |
| I knew Richard Pryor and George Carlin and David Brenner. | ||
| And I'm watching this guy going, what the fuck is this? | ||
| And next thing you know, I sat down, I started getting high, and I watched it. | ||
| And I asked around. | ||
| They said, he's here every weekend or something, and this is what he does. | ||
| Then years later, I found out that he would do that for four or five hours. | ||
| But he would take breaks, and Dave Chappelle. | ||
| Coming as a young kid, Dave Chappelle would take the bus from D.C. or something, and go up there and do little sets in between them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's awesome. | |
| He died from ba-banging. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He died from the hiv. | ||
| He's the real deal, that dude. | ||
| He was an old New York icon-type fucking junkie. | ||
| Yeah, he was a heroin guy, right? | ||
| A heroin guy. | ||
| But it was just weird that he did... | ||
| I watched all those. | ||
| I didn't know that somebody had taped them. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| I did a show with Chappelle in Montreal at the Comedy Festival in the 90s. | ||
| I forget what year it was. | ||
| But after the show was over, we did it at Club Soda. | ||
| We go downstairs and Dave just puts on a show on the street in Montreal. | ||
| People just walking by. | ||
| It's like, gather round, gather round! | ||
| And he just starts doing stand-up. | ||
| He did stand-up for like 20 people. | ||
| On the street. | ||
| There was a telephone pole. | ||
| He incorporated the pole into his routine. | ||
| He had a hat. | ||
| He put the hat down, asked people to put money in it. | ||
| He just got off stage. | ||
| So he did a professional show, went downstairs, was outside, and just said, fuck it. | ||
| I'm going to do my own impromptu show out here on the street. | ||
| It was fascinating. | ||
| I mean, who other than Charlie and him ever... | ||
| Have you ever even heard of doing that? | ||
| I mean, sure, some people have done it, but those are the only two guys I've ever heard. | ||
| Who was the black guy that did Venice Beach all the time? | ||
| Michael Collier? | ||
| Yes, yes. | ||
| He's been in a bunch of movies and stuff. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| That's true, right? | ||
| He did a bunch of different stuff. | ||
| Did you ever have to do a show out? | ||
| Oh, yeah, yeah, he did the Milwaukee one for a bunch of kids and shit out in the tent, but did you ever do a little something? | ||
| Summerfest. | ||
| Like, I had to do comedy on a bus one time for people. | ||
| People going to a Disney event, they called me up when I was in New York, 75 bucks for an hour. | ||
| Get on the bus and go from Sea Caucus to New York and three comics, gotta get up and do comedy. | ||
| What a fucking bombing that was. | ||
| That was a bombing experience, bro. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| Those gigs. | ||
| I did a spot at the New York Comedy Club one time, and after I get off, I probably got eight minutes, dawg. | ||
| And six of it is just god-awful. | ||
| And I get off the stage, and some guy's like, hey, man, do you want to do my wife's birthday party? | ||
| I'm like, sure. | ||
| And he's like, what do you want? | ||
| I'm like, I don't know. | ||
| What do you use? | ||
| He goes, I'll give you, like, $1,500. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Done! | |
| He gives me the address of Alpine, New Jersey. | ||
| Off 9W, you make the right bangle with cliffs. | ||
| I fucking take a cab up there. | ||
| I'm about to score 1500. Man, you know me. | ||
| At that time, I'm still looking for purses. | ||
| I was still a half a little fucking klepto. | ||
| So, like, you ready to go? | ||
| Yeah, where's the microphone? | ||
| They're like, there's no microphone. | ||
| You gotta go over by the pool. | ||
| On the other side of the pool, there's rocks. | ||
| And stand on top of the rocks. | ||
| Stand-up comedy. | ||
| Dog, they were 80 yards away from me. | ||
| I'm up there telling Godzilla jokes. | ||
| Dying a slow death of death. | ||
| Godzilla jokes. | ||
| I get off. | ||
| I was so embarrassed. | ||
| That the guy's like, listen, I only got like $900 in cash. | ||
| You want a check? | ||
| I go, no, no, no. | ||
| Just give me the $900. | ||
| I'll take it. | ||
| I took that $900 and I walked. | ||
| I started walking. | ||
| Some guy hitchhiked and picked me up and I fucking... | ||
| Made him drop me at the bridge and I walked over the bridge and got like an eight ball of coke. | ||
| I was so embarrassed though. | ||
| Did you really have Godzilla jokes? | ||
| Oh yeah, I used to have a Godzilla. | ||
| Do you remember what it is? | ||
| Yeah, that Godzilla would never attack New York City. | ||
| Okay? | ||
| Because, can you imagine Godzilla coming out of the Hudson and going rawr? | ||
| All the pollution and shit, he'd go like this and go back in the water. | ||
| Horrible. | ||
| That was my big joke. | ||
| That was my big joke. | ||
| That was it. | ||
| That was it. | ||
| I thought that was... | ||
| At that time, the Puerto Rican... | ||
| Something happened with the Puerto Rican Navy. | ||
| They bumped into a... | ||
| They bumped into a barge, like some Puerto Rican cruise boat, bumped into a barge on the New York side, and they broke the barge, so everybody on the boat had to jump... | ||
| at the time, everybody had to jump into the fucking water, and that was the joke. | ||
| I said, you know, last Tuesday in New York, a bus full of... | ||
| a cruise boat of Puerto Ricans hit the thing. | ||
| 40 Puerto Ricans in the Hudson. | ||
| That's nothing new. | ||
| That was my other big closer. | ||
| That was it. | ||
| That's nothing new. | ||
| It's environmental and racist. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| Somebody told me they're cleaning up the Hudson. | ||
| Is that true? | ||
| Listen, they couldn't clean up the Hudson if they wanted to. | ||
| You know how many fucking sperm loads I shot in there off the Binghamton boat when I was a kid? | ||
| I used to go to the Binghamton boat for dinner, and they had a movie theater in Edgewater, New Jersey. | ||
| Edgewater is Copland, where they shot Copland. | ||
| That's what Edgewater was supposed to be. | ||
| And my friend had a restaurant, H&B Diner. | ||
| I used to go down there. | ||
| Exactly where they shot that bar. | ||
| I used to go in there and buy little bottles of blackberry brandy for us when we were kids. | ||
| And they redid all that shit down there. | ||
| Have you seen that in New York? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| That is beautiful fucking now. | ||
| That's where I stay now. | ||
| I stay in Edgewater. | ||
| Really? | ||
| I take the ferry over. | ||
| How long does that take? | ||
| The ferry? | ||
| Ten minutes. | ||
| I take the ferry over. | ||
| I jump in my fucking cab. | ||
| I go to 20th Street. | ||
| I do Gotham. | ||
| I do the stand. | ||
| I take the cab back to the ferry. | ||
| How hard would it be to live in New York and take a boat across from New Jersey? | ||
| Every day? | ||
| People do it every day. | ||
| How many people have their own boats? | ||
| I gave the card to Ari. | ||
| Oh, a lot of people, but I gave the card to Ari. | ||
| I would think that that would be like a smart move. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Just get your own boat? | ||
| You get a boat. | ||
| Yeah, you go across the river. | ||
| And drive across to the Hudson, dock it, and then go do your thing? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Is that what Louis does? | ||
| Isn't he a big boat guy who has his own boat? | ||
| He definitely has a boat. | ||
| I don't know if that's what he does. | ||
| I think he lives in Manhattan, though. | ||
| But I mean, I feel like it wouldn't be that hard to get across that water. | ||
| Like, it's just water. | ||
| Just get across. | ||
| It's way better than those stupid bridges. | ||
| Like, if you could figure out a way to live like that, just take Ubers on one side, park your car on the other, that's the way to go, right? | ||
| Yeah, I love New York, but... | ||
| They're taking that city down eventually. | ||
| You don't need to be a genius or a scholar or Nostradamus. | ||
| Stupid Joey Dears. | ||
| When you pull up to Lincoln Tunnel now, dog, there's guys in full fucking gear with Nazi helmets, fucking machine guns under their arms and dogs. | ||
| And they go up to every fucking car, dog, and there's fucking 50 of them. | ||
| The bridges, you see them everywhere. | ||
| When I went to take my wife to the tree at the Saks Fifth Avenue, you could see the motherfuckin' snipers up on the fuckin' roofs, dog. | ||
| They ain't fuckin' around. | ||
| And when you're walkin' around New York, you're like, I could see this. | ||
| They're really goin' after the bridge, like my friends work. | ||
| Oh, Gino! | ||
| They work at Hoboken and all those guys, and when I did the whatever factory now, I guess all these cops have to do details, because they wanna take that bridge out, dog. | ||
| And they want to take that fucking bridge out and that tunnel. | ||
| That's going to be a nightmare. | ||
| When I was walking around New York, I tell you, I could see it. | ||
| I could see how it could go down, man. | ||
| That's a big city with a lot of fucking people, Joe Rogan. | ||
| It's tough to control all those people in that area, you know what I mean? | ||
| It's so much different than any other city, too. | ||
| My God, man. | ||
| When you get there, the magnitude of it all just kind of sets in. | ||
| You're like, no wonder why people can't leave this place. | ||
| If you get used to this, there's no place like that place. | ||
| Never. | ||
| It's so bizarre. | ||
| It's 7 million-plus people smushed into the smallest little area. | ||
| It's not that big. | ||
| If you look at all the buildings that are tucked in... | ||
| I remember I had a hotel room once, and it was on a corner, and it was in the... | ||
| Like, sometimes it's cool to be on the outside. | ||
| I got a friend who lived in Brooklyn, and he had a cool view from the river. | ||
| Like, you look from his apartment, you see the whole city skyscrape, the whole skyline. | ||
| It was pretty beautiful. | ||
| But there's something cool about being in the middle of it all. | ||
| And this hotel I stayed at was on a corner, and I'd like... | ||
| Look out the window on both sides and just fucking, it's like a science fiction movie. | ||
| Just giant constructed buildings to the left and to the right, and you're in the middle of all of it. | ||
| Hundreds and hundreds of windows, everyone looking out at each other. | ||
| Everyone's in there watching their little TV shows, doing their little thing. | ||
| But you're in the middle of all of it, like this crazy sci-fi beehive type thing. | ||
| You know, and where we live, you know, we just... | ||
| We drive to each other's houses. | ||
| There's like a yard. | ||
| There's a space. | ||
| You're pulling your driveway. | ||
| Hey, come on in. | ||
| You know, park in the driveway. | ||
| It's like normal stuff. | ||
| You know, like, you get out of the house. | ||
| Hey, this is your house. | ||
| Right over there, that's his house. | ||
| And no, it's fucking stacked. | ||
| Everybody's stacked. | ||
| Stacked on top of stacked on top of stacked. | ||
| Smashed together. | ||
| Stacked, stacked, stacked. | ||
| Everybody jammed into these boxes. | ||
| Cars, little fucking yellow cars and Ubers everywhere on the ground. | ||
| No one gets anywhere when gridlock hits. | ||
| Crosstown traffic. | ||
| The reason why Hendrix wrote that fucking song, and that was in the 70s, okay? | ||
| In the 60s, I guess he wrote it, right? | ||
| When you're in the Manhattan... | ||
| You're like, this is insane! | ||
| Like, why the fuck would anybody live here? | ||
| You can't go anywhere! | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's just jam, jam, jam, jam, the whole thing. | |
| Jam, jam, jam, jam. | ||
| No one's moving anywhere. | ||
| And everywhere you look, there's delis, and restaurants, and storage units, and parking lots, and fucking this business, and that business, and this door, and that door. | ||
| It's all just... | ||
| Just a vortex of energy. | ||
| And what they want for that fucking shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Incredible. | |
| We were in Edgewater just driving around, and we saw this thing. | ||
| The next day, I go, ask. | ||
| Ask around, Terry. | ||
| Go on the computer. | ||
| Like, two days later, she's like, oh, my God. | ||
| Just to move in there, they want a half a mil. | ||
| And then whatever your mortgage is, it's $1,700 flat just for maintenance fees. | ||
| Yeah, a lot of that. | ||
| A lot of maintenance fees. | ||
| Maintenance fees a month, $1,700. | ||
| And that's if you don't use the gym or the pool or the garage. | ||
| If you use all that stuff, there's another $890-hour fucking fee. | ||
| This fee, you got to buy the water from them. | ||
| She goes, it was fucking crazy. | ||
| And at the end of the day, you got a motherfucking apartment. | ||
| That's all you got. | ||
| You call it condo, whatever the fuck you want to call it, it's a fucking apartment, my friend. | ||
| And yeah, you got the view of the Manhattan skyline. | ||
| That's what you're paying for. | ||
| The view. | ||
| I mean, think about how much one of those big apartment buildings must be worth. | ||
| Because every one of those units is a million bucks. | ||
| A million bucks. | ||
| Or more. | ||
| A lot of them, much more. | ||
| I saw some that were like five million dollars. | ||
| You've got to be kidding. | ||
| This is a normal apartment at Silver Lake. | ||
| And it was like five million bucks. | ||
| This is crazy. | ||
| I couldn't live like that. | ||
| Could you? | ||
| I could live like that if I had the experience of living there, like if it was normal to me. | ||
| I think the people that do live there, when you get used to driving around on the subway, riding around in cabs, you get used to where all the clubs are, you do your little routine, you get in the... | ||
| Get in the airport to take off to cities and work the road. | ||
| You'd get used to it. | ||
| You'd get used to, like, Attell does it. | ||
| A lot of those other guys do it. | ||
| But once you get used to space and once you get used to, like, being able to dip out and dip back in without that much trouble, like, it's way easier to, like, live in the valley and then drive into the store on a Friday night than it would ever be if you lived somewhere like that equally far away from Manhattan and you wanted to get in to do a spot. | ||
| Like, that's a two-hour proposition. | ||
| Like, you gotta be ready. | ||
| You gotta be ready to enter that machine, you know? | ||
| Especially if you're gonna do it at, like, 7 o'clock at night. | ||
| So what time are you gonna leave your house? | ||
| You gonna leave your house at 5.30 for your 7 o'clock show? | ||
| Ugh. | ||
| Then you leave your wallet at home. | ||
| If you get your phone in the driveway, no. | ||
| It makes sense to hit and hit. | ||
| Let's say you live in Brooklyn. | ||
| You got to take the train in to New York, Manhattan, something like that. | ||
| You get used to that. | ||
| I think the television like in Brooklyn or something like that. | ||
| Even if he just takes the train in, you do four or five spots. | ||
| He does the cellar, the stand. | ||
| You do a couple spots and you get back on your train and go home at 1.30. | ||
| Now with Ubers too, it's just so easy to do it. | ||
| It's so easy to just use your app. | ||
| Your car shows up in a couple of minutes. | ||
| This is so much less hassle. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Especially because, like, with cabs, you don't know if a cab's coming. | ||
| So what are you going to do in Manhattan? | ||
| You're going to call a cab company, say, come get me on this? | ||
| Nobody ever does that. | ||
| You try to flag one. | ||
| So you try to find one. | ||
| You go walking around looking for one. | ||
| But now you just press a button on your phone. | ||
| And they're like, we'll be there in three minutes. | ||
| All right, cool. | ||
| Because of Uber out in New York, the cabs are getting easier to get. | ||
| I got a cab every time I want it this time. | ||
| Real fucking fast. | ||
| Zero to 100, bitch. | ||
| Real motherfucking quick. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mmm. | |
| You ever take Uber yet? | ||
| I take it one time. | ||
| I take a black one time tour. | ||
| I've taken a few times in New York. | ||
| I use it all the time in New York. | ||
| I could do it. | ||
| I think I could do it. | ||
| Like, Ari's enjoying it. | ||
| He's enjoying it. | ||
| He likes doing it. | ||
| It would be harder for me because I have kids. | ||
| I just don't think New York's the best place for kids. | ||
| Maybe I'm wrong. | ||
| It just seems, first of all, that brake dust can't be good for you. | ||
| If you feel like finding out what the fuck you breathe, go look at your wheels. | ||
| Look at your car's wheels and just stick your finger inside the rim and get that black shit all over your finger. | ||
| It doesn't just go on your wheel and stick there, only. | ||
| No. | ||
| As you, like, see, like, crazy traffic, like on, you know, 5th Avenue or something like that, you see Broadway traffic, just bam, bam, bam, bam, you're breathing in brake dust, 100%. | ||
| That stuff's in the air. | ||
| So it's not just the carbon fuel, the residue, like the exhaust from cars, whatever fires are being burned, whatever gas ovens and that shit. | ||
| It's not just that. | ||
| It's brake dust. | ||
| Brake dust is everywhere. | ||
| And you're getting that shit in your lungs, 100%. | ||
| It's not good for you. | ||
| It's just not. | ||
| You know, and they've shown, there's studies that think that living in a high-populated city like New York can take as much as 10 years off your life. | ||
| Just living there. | ||
| Doing exactly the same thing, living in the exact same choices, but living in a polluted environment, like downtown LA. It's probably a good example of that, right? | ||
| Downtown gets funky. | ||
| You know, it gets fucking polluted. | ||
| But it's still more open than, say, New York or anything like that. | ||
| You could at least see the sky in most places. | ||
| Sometimes you can. | ||
| Sometimes you can. | ||
| But LA gets pretty stinky, man. | ||
| LA can get pretty bad. | ||
| If we get stagnant and the winds don't blow and the pollution just sits, You know how you crest, like if you come over from like Encino, and you see the valley, and you see that fucking horrible brown cloud? | ||
| That's real. | ||
| That's not an illusion. | ||
| And you don't see that in the desert. | ||
| If you go out where there's no people, that doesn't exist. | ||
| Like that exists because of people burning things. | ||
| That you're breathing that in. | ||
| Everyone's breathing that in. | ||
| In 93, I lived in New York, and I would get up at 7 and go into the city. | ||
| I lived in Cliffside, but I worked in New York. | ||
| And I'd go into New York and bum around, and then sometimes I'd take a shower at the gym. | ||
| I joined the boxing gym, and I just would go there for the locker, basically. | ||
| I would hit the bag a little. | ||
| I didn't know what I was doing. | ||
| And I would fucking just go out at night. | ||
| And I remember sometimes I wouldn't take a shower at the gym at 6. I was busy. | ||
| And I'd get home at 11, and I'd take a shower, and you'd see what would come out of my hair. | ||
| And I'd just be walking around Manhattan, guys. | ||
| I didn't go anywhere else. | ||
| I'd just be walking around Manhattan, getting cabs, doing this, dropping off packages. | ||
| You could see. | ||
| I didn't do anything. | ||
| Residue. | ||
| It was this darkness. | ||
| It was like, Jesus Christ, where the fuck have I been? | ||
| And I got used to it after a while, but it really stuck with me, like, just walking around Manhattan. | ||
| Six or seven hours would do this to me like it really I would get more blackheads there My hair like when you wash it you would see the fucking dirt like just not real a lot of dirt But you see that you have something on your skin. | ||
| Let me ask you this this make sense to you They can make a big giant building like the Empire State Building they can make a big-ass building Why can't they make a big-ass air filter? | ||
| Well, if you're going to put up that many buildings and have that many people and that many cars, how about you build a giant air filter? | ||
| I mean, like, they sell air filters for your house. | ||
| Like, my daughter's allergic to cats, we're finding out. | ||
| So, you know, we have two cats, and so now we have to shave the cats. | ||
| So I've been shaving them. | ||
| First of all, it's adorable when you see them. | ||
| The line cuts. | ||
| Yeah, they get the line cuts. | ||
| And then the other thing is, when you shave them, it's just almost like skin. | ||
| So it's like just a little bit of fur, and it must feel so much better when you pet them. | ||
| Because when I pet, especially like the little girl, well the big one, the boy too, but when I pet them, they just start fucking writhing like you're making them cum. | ||
| They're like... | ||
| They love it. | ||
| They love it. | ||
| They love it when you're petting them, when you've shaved them all down. | ||
| But we have this air cleaner that we have to put in her bedroom because she starts sneezing and shit. | ||
| We're finding out that she's not terribly allergic, but allergic enough, so we have to figure out what to do. | ||
| But they make these air filters. | ||
| It makes a big difference. | ||
| You put them in your room, sucks all the dander and all the stuff out of the air, cleans it. | ||
| It seems like if you can make a giant-ass building, why can't you make a giant-ass air filter that sucks all that dirty, brown, stinky air out and cleans it? | ||
| Like, that can't be impossible to do. | ||
| It just doesn't seem like it should be. | ||
| If you can make a big building, and you can make a big fan, you can make a big fucking air cleaner. | ||
| Can't you? | ||
| It makes sense. | ||
| But then you'd have to clean it every two minutes or something. | ||
| Coming from the man who brought you parachutes on commercial airplanes... | ||
| That sucks, but a lot of people get used to the cat, you know, allergies. | ||
| I know a lot of ex-girlfriends that would first, like, hey, I'm allergic to cats, and then after a few years or whatever, they would stop being as allergic, though. | ||
| Yeah, you vaccinated them with your dick. | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
| Slowly but surely, you get that non-cat... | ||
| Allergy DNA into their body, and they assimilate it. | ||
| I was at a gas station the other day, and they were selling poppers, and I recently was at a... | ||
| Amyl nitrate, you mean? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Are you sure? | |
| Yeah, it said popper. | ||
| It even said, like, it was like the little jar and everything, and it's like, and I went to a party, and I actually saw my first person actually using poppers. | ||
| Yeah, but I guarantee that's not the same thing. | ||
| I guarantee the stuff they're selling at a gas station is not, like, amyl nitrate. | ||
| That's highly illegal. | ||
| Is it? | ||
| Yeah, I think what they're doing is, you know how those boner pills, like you buy boner pills at the gas station and, you know, they pretend they're herbs, but it's really Cialis or Viagra or something like that? | ||
| I think what these things are is something similar to that. | ||
| Just how like bath salts were never really bath salts. | ||
| They can just call it whatever they want. | ||
| They can call it poppers, as long as it's not amyl nitrate. | ||
| What was bath salts really? | ||
| Bath salts, they would call it bath salts so they could sell it. | ||
| They would say not for human consumption, but what it really is was they had done something to meth. | ||
| This is an idiot's way of describing this, right? | ||
| Let me get that out of the way. | ||
| When you describe something like a molecule, like the chemical that your brain produces, dimethyltryptamine. | ||
| It's NN-dimethyltryptamine. | ||
| That's illegal. | ||
| But there's a thing called 5-MeO-dimethyltryptamine that's legal because they fucked up and they didn't list it. | ||
| So you could get that stuff and it's like a cousin of DMT. It's called 5-MeO-DMT. Well, that's similar to what they did with this meth thing. | ||
| They would take meth and then they would just change a little bit of it. | ||
| Add an oxygen molecule, add a carbon molecule, whatever they have to do. | ||
| And that turns it into something different. | ||
| So it's not illegal. | ||
| But it's, it'll fuck you up. | ||
| Fuck, like face eating fuck you up. | ||
| So then they sell it as bath salts. | ||
| Saying, yeah, throw this in the bath, hop in there. | ||
| Wink, wink. | ||
| And everybody knows you're just gonna go smoke it. | ||
| And they smoke this stuff and it blows their fucking brains out. | ||
| Because they don't even know what it is. | ||
| But you're selling like high potency meth at truck stops. | ||
| I mean, that's where they're selling it. | ||
| They were selling those little convenient marks, those weird 24-hour gas stations. | ||
| That's where they were selling it. | ||
| And you could just go in and buy meth through a loophole. | ||
| And so all these people were buying this shit. | ||
| That's how much of an idiot I am. | ||
| For years, you go into a place on the East Coast, and you always had a rose in the tube. | ||
| Yeah, it's a crack pipe. | ||
| I didn't know that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's not really a rose. | ||
| The rose is, you throw that fucking rose away and smoke crack out of that thing. | ||
| It's a crack pipe. | ||
| You didn't know that, Brian? | ||
| No, I didn't know that's awesome. | ||
| Well, I knew it because my friend Johnny was a crackhead. | ||
| Can you believe that? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And they sell, right? | ||
| How many stores do you go to and you're like, a rose? | ||
| Who would buy a rose? | ||
| A fucking crackhead would. | ||
| They had to figure out a way to sell those things legally. | ||
| So they sold like a little tiny glass face with a rosin. | ||
| I should have bought some of these because it was in West Hollywood and they were lined up and they had different logos on it just like, yeah, I have seen those. | ||
| Come on, man. | ||
| Those are DMT pipes too. | ||
| That's what you smoke DMT out of. | ||
| How crazy is that? | ||
| That's the loophole right there. | ||
| That's the beauty about paying a nickel and getting an attorney and sitting with him going, how can I sell this? | ||
| Put a flower in it, son. | ||
| It's beautiful. | ||
| Can you believe Brian? | ||
| I'm fucking 40 when I found out. | ||
| Don't feel ashamed. | ||
| I'm supposed to be the king of swaying. | ||
| I'm like, that's a fucking crack bite. | ||
| It is hilarious. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hilarious. | |
| I keep on finding out these horrible things that I should have known a long time ago, like on the toaster, the one through ten, that's how many minutes. | ||
| It's not like hot and cold, you know? | ||
| Is it really? | ||
| Oh, I thought it was the darkness of the toaster. | ||
| Yes, that's what I thought. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I wonder why. | ||
| I was like, why does seven take so long? | ||
| I'm such a fucking idiot. | ||
| I'm making toast going, Jesus Christ, I need a faster toaster. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Something that gets you to seven quicker. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I had no idea that the little thing when you zip up your pants, the little knob thing, if you put it down, that locks your zipper. | ||
| Down? | ||
| Like, you know, like when you're zipping it up, the handle. | ||
| If you put the handle down, it locks your zipper. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Do you usually leave it up? | |
| Well, you just kind of like zip up your pants and not think about it, and then later you're like, why is my zipper down? | ||
| It's because you didn't just do that extra little... | ||
| No, that one I knew. | ||
| That one I knew. | ||
| You did know that one? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| All right. | ||
| I don't understand what you're saying. | ||
| This handle thing... | ||
| This right here. | ||
| Yeah, like this. | ||
| You put it down. | ||
| Put it down and it locks it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's the lock. | |
| How does it lock it? | ||
| I know that. | ||
| That's the lock. | ||
| That's the whole technology of the zipping. | ||
| Oh, I see. | ||
| So it can't unlock until you lift it up. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Oh, I didn't know that. | ||
| I didn't know that at all. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| I have like five more. | ||
| I just realized when I'm trying to do it when it's bent down that I literally can't unzip my pants. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fascinating. | |
| Yes. | ||
| I had no idea. | ||
| Well, it makes sense, right? | ||
| Otherwise, it just wouldn't work. | ||
| Zippers are bullshit. | ||
| I'm tired of zippers, man. | ||
| I fucking hate fucking zippers, too. | ||
| My zipper's always down. | ||
| Someone's always like, your zippers are down, man. | ||
| Now it's at. | ||
| And, well, it's also, I always, it doesn't, I don't think it matters, because I wear these goddamn stretchy pants. | ||
| All my pants are like fake jeans. | ||
| They look like jeans. | ||
| They're fake jeans. | ||
| I had one that I was wearing that had a tie. | ||
| It was a diesel, a pair of diesel, and they stretch. | ||
| And you tie them like sweatpants. | ||
| And I would show people, and they would scream, no. | ||
| They would scream, no, no, you can't wear that. | ||
| You can't wear that. | ||
| You're wearing stretchy pants and a tie. | ||
| I'm like, why? | ||
| Why can't I wear that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's so funny. | |
| People are saying, like these girls in the comedy store, like, you can't wear those. | ||
| You can't wear those. | ||
| I'm like, I'm wearing them. | ||
| Why can't I wear them? | ||
| Why can't I wear... | ||
| You can't wear pants and tie. | ||
| Those jeans look great. | ||
| These are fucking fantastic. | ||
| Those jeans look great. | ||
| Yeah, they look real. | ||
| You got me hooked on them. | ||
| I don't have the good kind like that. | ||
| And you order them online? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| These are... | ||
| I have no affiliation with this company. | ||
| They're called Barbell Jeans. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They're great. | ||
| I love them. | ||
| They're so stretchy. | ||
| They're so stretchy. | ||
| They move like sweatpants. | ||
| They feel like there's no resistance. | ||
| Like, when I wear normal pants, I feel like I'm wearing a straight jacket now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like... | |
| It's like wearing pajamas outside. | ||
| I got a new company, but this is a sponsor of the podcast. | ||
| It's called Mizzen in Maine, and they make these clothes that are made out of this really light, stretchy material, like a button-up shirt. | ||
| But you know a button-up shirt? | ||
| It's always like... | ||
| It looks like a normal button-up shirt, but you don't feel anything. | ||
| You move with it. | ||
| It's like a light cotton t-shirt. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It stretches. | |
| It moves with you everywhere you go. | ||
| I just want... | ||
| Does it have the thickness look of it? | ||
| Or is it like, you know, you have to have a buff body or your nipples are showing through it? | ||
| My nipples probably definitely show through it because my nipples are ferocious. | ||
| But it looks like a regular shirt. | ||
| It doesn't look like anything unusual about it. | ||
| But I'm that close to going fucking sweatpants and fanny pack everywhere. | ||
| I'm that close. | ||
| I'm that close to just completely throwing the towel and getting an old-school Surprime's tracksuit. | ||
| Why is it a walking stick? | ||
| I might even get some yellow Hunter S. Thompson glasses. | ||
| Just yellow and wear them indoors, outdoors. | ||
| Just fuck it! | ||
| You know how Hunter S. Thompson always had the cigarette lighter? | ||
| That's a vapor pen. | ||
| Instead of the cigarette holder, it's the same thing as a vapor pen. | ||
| Just going full, yellow glasses, tracksuit, fanny pack. | ||
| That's my new look. | ||
| Toe shoes. | ||
| I don't give a fuck. | ||
| I'm gonna wear those two Vibrams. | ||
| Those five fingers. | ||
| You have those already? | ||
| Fuck yeah. | ||
| And where you wear them, man? | ||
| Nowhere. | ||
| I hide those things. | ||
| I don't want anybody to see me in them. | ||
| You keep them at the house? | ||
| That's fucking glasses. | ||
| There's something about when you're wearing glasses like that, you have no business in reality. | ||
| You're not doing business in reality. | ||
| You're here for your own thing. | ||
| You're here to party. | ||
| That's so crazy. | ||
| That guy was the best. | ||
| This guy was fucking... | ||
| He was the best. | ||
| But he would wear those yellow glasses. | ||
| I gotta be honest with you guys. | ||
| When I saw him, I didn't know who the fuck he was. | ||
| You saw him in real life in Witty Creek, right? | ||
| Yeah, I saw him. | ||
| I didn't know who the fuck he was. | ||
| And then somebody told me and then I went back down there and I saw Bill Murray at that fucking place. | ||
| You know, Bill Murray would go visit him. | ||
| Oh yeah, everybody would go visit him. | ||
| People would go visit him. | ||
| How crazy is that? | ||
| Have you ever read Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas? | ||
| No, it's been years. | ||
| God damn, it's good. | ||
| It's good, dude. | ||
| He's got some great passages in it. | ||
| There's some great moments that he captured on paper that just make you go, fuck. | ||
| He had this ability to hit these rare patches of insight. | ||
| Just rare areas. | ||
| You just break into these rare areas and make these passages, make these paragraphs, so you just go, whoa. | ||
| Goddamn. | ||
| Like, talking with him must have been fucking fascinating. | ||
| I read the biker book. | ||
| Yeah, Hells Angels. | ||
| That was one of the first books I read. | ||
| I didn't care who the author was. | ||
| I didn't even know what an author was at that time. | ||
| What that book was, though, was like a much more of a regular journalism book. | ||
| It was a book about the Hells Angels. | ||
| Like, they had disputed some of the facts in it. | ||
| You know, they said that a lot of stuff he made was made up, and he tried to make it all look, like, a lot different than it really is. | ||
| And the evidence to that was when he started doing his best work was all that. | ||
| His best work was like Fear and Loathing and the Kentucky Derby is Decadent and Depraved. | ||
| Fear and Loathing on the Campaign Trail. | ||
| Like that stuff, he combined fiction and reality. | ||
| Like that guy sunk presidential candidates. | ||
| There's this guy named Ed Muskie who's running for president, and Hunter S. Thompson started talking about him bringing in a Brazilian doctor because he's addicted to Ibogaine. | ||
| So he starts spreading these stories about these rumors that there's a Brazilian doctor coming to visit Ed Muskie, and he starts having fucking mental breakdowns. | ||
| This guy's on the campaign trail, and he's reading these stories about him, bringing in some Brazilian doctor, and he's fucking falling apart. | ||
| Hunter's just making it up. | ||
| He's just making up all this shit about him having an Ibogaine addiction and that when he was on stage, you could see him in the full grips of an Ibogaine addiction. | ||
| Nobody even knew what the fuck Ibogaine was. | ||
| And so he just made up this rumor. | ||
| And then when they asked him about it, he goes, no, there really was a rumor. | ||
| And I started the rumor. | ||
| It's just like you would joke around about mixing reality and fiction, and he would combine the two of them together. | ||
| Like, he was the only guy that ever did that, and openly did it. | ||
| Like, you would read it, and he would call it gonzo journalism, and you would know that, like, as you were reading it, that this wasn't all real. | ||
| Like, some of this stuff was just complete, total fantasy, you know? | ||
| We were right outside of Barstow when the bats, what is it, when the drugs began to take hold. | ||
| Those stories about all the different shit they had in the trunk when they were headed to Vegas from Barstow, the bats in the air, the fucking acid trip in the reception area of the Vegas hotel, when he's screaming out about golf shoes, and he sees everybody turn into lizards. | ||
| This is fucking bizarre, bizarre shit. | ||
| He was a very, very unusual guy. | ||
| He took a lot of asses, bro. | ||
| He did. | ||
| But he went a different way with it. | ||
| What's really fascinating about him, he went like guns and fucking living in the woods and just blowing your brains out with cocaine every night. | ||
| Like he went a totally different way with it. | ||
| He didn't go like the kumbaya way. | ||
| You know, like all these other dudes, they got together and they sat Indian style, and they played Indian music and chimes and burned incense, and they went the spiritual route. | ||
| And he just, he went the other way. | ||
| He went the total other way. | ||
| He went, get acid, and then get a gun, and then go outside. | ||
| He was shooting golf balls. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, to put them in the hole, like he was playing golf with a gun. | ||
| So he would shoot the balls to put them in a hole or something like that. | ||
| Just shit that... | ||
| It was, you know, I was living in Snowmass Village, and I was hearing different rumblings. | ||
| I was still 19 or 20, so I don't know if I was allowed in that bar that much. | ||
| I would just go in there with Kato, my man Kato, get weed. | ||
| That was it. | ||
| That was it. | ||
| His name was Keith Corn, and he would take me. | ||
| Keith Corn, his life's mission was to get the best weed in Colorado. | ||
| And I told him, from now on, you get a bag of weed, knock on my door, I'll give you the 40 bucks. | ||
| So he would come to me and go, there's this guy in Willie Creek. | ||
| He's got this weed. | ||
| It's killing people. | ||
| We gotta go down to the tavern. | ||
| It was Hunter? | ||
| No, no, it wasn't Hunter that was selling it. | ||
| One of Hunter's friends? | ||
| Dishwasher or something that was selling weed there or something. | ||
| How far was that from where you were living? | ||
| Maybe 10 minutes down Snowmass Village Hill and then go a loop around and then go into Woody Creek. | ||
| So you lived in Boulder and you lived in Aspen? | ||
| I lived in a town called Basalt first. | ||
| Right around the corner from Goldiehorn and motherfucking Kurt Russell on the river. | ||
| Whatever river that was. | ||
| Basalt is a... | ||
| What's that? | ||
| Is it Golden Pond? | ||
| No, it's a river. | ||
| It's not a pond, you fuck. | ||
| Basalt is a... | ||
| This is Route 82, which is one of the most dangerous roads in the country. | ||
| So it goes north and south. | ||
| This is Aspen, right straight ahead. | ||
| You have to go up three miles to go to Snowmass Village, and then you have to go over here to go to Woody Creek. | ||
| But Basalt was down here about 40 minutes from town, and you had to go up and up a hill, and that hill... | ||
| There was maybe a gun store and a restaurant, but there was a place. | ||
| I was a New York City fucking kid. | ||
| And when I first saw this, I got addicted to this. | ||
| Worse than cocaine. | ||
| I would walk from Basalt every day and walk from Holland Hills. | ||
| That's where I lived. | ||
| In fact, Dean Cain had a home there. | ||
| And I would walk up. | ||
| And back there, you go in there, you get to go, bro, this is the best idea ever. | ||
| I'd smoke homegrown. | ||
| The girl next to me was growing homegrown, and she cut it with a scissor, and they got me more high than the shit I'm paying fucking 50 for now. | ||
| This shit was fucking deadly. | ||
| I was an 18-year-old kid, and I would walk, I'd give this guy $7, and he'd give me a fishing pole. | ||
| And I'd throw it into the roaring creek, and after two minutes, an idiot, a blind moron, could catch a trout. | ||
| And he'd come over, you'd say, I got something! | ||
| And he'd come over, and he'd help you. | ||
| Oh, shit, a little trout. | ||
| He'd take it off of you, cook it, and then cook it, and then give you potato salad, bread, and beans, and you'd have your own fish that he'd grill up for you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Right there. | ||
| 1983. I was hooked on that. | ||
| I wouldn't even get a job. | ||
| I took all my savings and I would go there. | ||
| That was my exercise to walk down there and get a fish and walk home. | ||
| Walk down there and get a fish and then the animals would come home and we would squat. | ||
| We would squat and do deadlifts and fucking cleans. | ||
| My roommates, they're in there shooting D-ball, shooting Decker and eating Winnie V to chop up. | ||
| It was amazing. | ||
| That's all I ate was travel. | ||
| I never heard of that. | ||
| And over here is old Snowmass. | ||
| And they used to have a gas station there. | ||
| And the guy's from New York, so it was always New York time in there. | ||
| It was so bizarre. | ||
| And he sold Sabret hot dogs there in 1982. There were that much New Yorkers. | ||
| But that's why I saw Goldie Hawn and that little girl for the first time. | ||
| That little girl was just a little girl when I used to see her at that gas station all the time. | ||
| You mean, what is her name? | ||
| The actress? | ||
| The famous actress? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And Old Snowmass had another road that went this way. | ||
| And this is a tremendous story. | ||
| Because all this at the time, in the 80s, were kingpins. | ||
| A lot of kingpins lived there, and that's where they'd go. | ||
| They had this cocaine and kingpin, a white guy lived there. | ||
| Not the Grey Bull that we discussed earlier on your show. | ||
| This other guy. | ||
| And the feds were trying to get him. | ||
| So they fucking put cameras on all the, you know, all street things to watch him. | ||
| They fucked up, and they tapped into the cable TV. So his house was being shown to everybody on their TVs. | ||
| So Joe Rogan went home, put on Channel 2, and it's me in my living room. | ||
| Smoking a joint watch and that fucking guy sued the government for fucking gazillions because they didn't know how to reverse that. | ||
| This was when Aspen had four channels. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| They had one channel, two, and all they played was Charles Bronson movies. | ||
| I was in heaven because at the Holiday Inn in Aspen, right there by the airport, Clint Eastwood would go there every night and get drunk. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Bro, I was a kid. | ||
| What year was this? | ||
| This is 83. I'm a kid. | ||
| And the rumor was, all you gotta do is go to Holiday Inn and Clint Eastwood will be at the bar drinking. | ||
| And bro, everybody would say, I was too young to go to the fucking bar. | ||
| I was dying to meet Clint Eastwood. | ||
| Are you fucking kidding me? | ||
| But I couldn't go. | ||
| And it was just, dog, this was just a complete different fucking city. | ||
| How did everybody get attracted to that one area? | ||
| Aspen just had this lure. | ||
| Aspen's a great place. | ||
| It's a great place. | ||
| It's a lot of rich white people, though. | ||
| Tons of rich white people. | ||
| You might get bored. | ||
| It's different now. | ||
| Yesterday, they were talking about something. | ||
| That chick was in Vegas. | ||
| The chick we were just talking about, Goldie Hawn. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Her ski instructor. | ||
| Kate Hudson? | ||
| Kate Hudson? | ||
| No, but the mother. | ||
| Goldie Hawn. | ||
| Gave her ski instructor, Mercedes-Benz, for Christmas. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| They give you cars. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| That's how they roll up there. | ||
| But it's an evil fucking... | ||
| Like, Ted Bundy was up there. | ||
| Ted Bundy killed people in Snowmass Village at that hotel. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Ted Bundy escaped from the Aspen Jail. | ||
| This place has a really weird... | ||
| Ted Bundy killed people all the way down in Florida, too, right? | ||
| Florida, Colorado, Seattle. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| This is a really weird part of Colorado. | ||
| And I've told you before that in 84, Aspen was the cocaine capital of the country. | ||
| All that coke was getting shipped up there for all these Hunter Thompson types. | ||
| Jack Nicholson, all these motherfuckers were up there then. | ||
| How weird that they all decided to go there. | ||
| No TMZ. No cameras, and they could get their dicks. | ||
| There was a bar called Paddy Bugatti's that had a swimming pool right in the middle. | ||
| So people be fucking pumping, in the middle of a fucking pump they jump in the pool with their clothes on. | ||
| That was just crazy. | ||
| The Aspen Club, fucking, what's his name, had a huge club up there. | ||
| You know, the guy, what's that, the guy that sings about tequila? | ||
| Waste it away again. | ||
| Jimmy Buffett? | ||
| Jimmy Buffett had a club called the Paragon up there. | ||
| Biggest bar on the west coast, like nine fucking rooms, bro. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Huge. | ||
| The Paragon, over the Paragon were these apartments where the employees stayed, and I became friends with one of the waitresses, and that's why I fainted from a bong hit one time. | ||
| The bong hit, I fucking fainted. | ||
| I was sitting on the balcony talking shit. | ||
| I'll do it. | ||
| And all of a sudden, next thing you know, they're waking me up because it's so thin up there. | ||
| That's where the air is really fucking thin. | ||
| We were talking to this guy who lived in Aspen. | ||
| He told me he woke up one day and there was an elk on his back porch screaming. | ||
| Fuck yeah. | ||
| You know how they scream when they're horny, when they're in the rut? | ||
| This big-ass elk was sitting on his porch. | ||
| Clop, clop, clop, clop. | ||
| What? | ||
| They're screaming. | ||
| They said it was like 5 o'clock in the morning or something like that. | ||
| They looked through the curtains and there's thousand pound animals like right there behind the glass. | ||
| Screaming. | ||
| I was in awe when I first moved up there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Colorado. | |
| The one that put me over the top was Kabloonix. | ||
| Kabloonix restaurant was a restaurant. | ||
| You had to call them, make a reservation, and you had to meet them in a certain location and park your car. | ||
| And then you got on a sled and dogs pulled you to the restaurant. | ||
| Are you serious? | ||
| Oh, shit! | ||
| I want to go here. | ||
| And you had two seatings. | ||
| You had a 7.30 seating and a 9.30 seating. | ||
| That's how the only way they'd do it. | ||
| And then they'd pull you out of there and sledge. | ||
| Mush! | ||
| How far did they take you? | ||
| A couple miles. | ||
| A couple miles. | ||
| But in the daytime, you go up there and see how they train the dogs. | ||
| So in the daytime, it became a different tourist attraction. | ||
| Really cool. | ||
| And then you go over a place called Independence Pass. | ||
| Independence Pass is when you think you're a bad motherfucker. | ||
| Independence Pass is only open three months a year. | ||
| It's only open from June to second week of September. | ||
| And it cuts your time from Denver to Aspen by like an hour. | ||
| But it's only open three months because it's a two-lane road that not a lot of people can handle. | ||
| One time I went down and I had a big tough friend from Jersey. | ||
| He sat in the back and ducked and got on the floor. | ||
| He couldn't handle it. | ||
| It's that scary, Joe Rogan. | ||
| If you're doing a lot of money, a car come over, but at the end of Independence Road, on the other side, they had the black wolf in. | ||
| And you went in there, you rented a room, and the lady had wolves, black wolves everywhere. | ||
| Live ones? | ||
| Live ones. | ||
| And in the morning, that's what you, at night, that's all you hear is howl. | ||
| She had all the wolves, a black wolf fucking in, dog. | ||
| I don't know how many times I went in there. | ||
| That's a great, you know, now it's all chains. | ||
| You know, money has really taken over. | ||
| Is there a video of that pass, Independence Pass? | ||
| Independence Pass. | ||
| Is that what they did in The Shining? | ||
| No, The Shining is the other place where it's the most, that's the most visited spot in the country. | ||
| People think it's the Grand Canyon, but it's really Estes Park, Colorado. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Because you bend over and they're doing something with that hotel, the Stanley Hotel. | ||
| That's the best place. | ||
| Brunch on a Sunday in the country, like the brunch there is known to be like fucking outrageousness, where they shot The Shining. | ||
| That's the Stanley Hotel. | ||
| They're doing something there. | ||
| They're either going to take that part of the hotel and turn it into a museum for The Shining. | ||
| They're doing something there. | ||
| But they're going to make a real maze. | ||
| You know that maze of bushes? | ||
| Yeah, they're going to make a real one, just like they did in the movie. | ||
| Yeah, take a look at Independence Pass. | ||
| It's a scary fucking road. | ||
| Well, you've done the PCH all the way up to San Francisco? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| There are some fucking moments on that bitch. | ||
| There are some fucking moments on that. | ||
| When you look into the right of you and you're like, oh, okay. | ||
| Especially when you're coming back from San Francisco and you're on the outside. | ||
| Sped up, right? | ||
| No, this is a bird. | ||
| This is 82 to Aspen. | ||
| So I guess you're starting... | ||
| Wow, it's changed a lot. | ||
| Look at those fucking trees. | ||
| So beautiful, though, man. | ||
| There's something about mountain views that, to me, is the best view. | ||
| Like, there's a lot of cool views. | ||
| Like, the ocean's a really cool view. | ||
| The meadows are a really cool view. | ||
| But to me, mountains and trees, there's something about that to just, like... | ||
| I don't even know how to describe it. | ||
| It's so natural and powerful that the idea of all these plants growing out of the ground and reaching up to the sky, and they're thick and dense everywhere. | ||
| You're just surrounded by plant life. | ||
| And then you look up in this spectacular snow-capped mountains and blue sky and floating clouds and trees, and you know out there it's all just wildlife, man. | ||
| Just fucking squirrels. | ||
| Here's what gets scary. | ||
| This is where it gets scary. | ||
| Right there. | ||
| And it gets even thinner at parts. | ||
| You gotta trust the other people on the other side of the road. | ||
| That's the problem. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Same thing with the PCH. You know, it was so wild that here I am. | |
| Then I lived there, you know, in 83, and then I went back in 85, and that's when I really got into trouble up there. | ||
| But it was so weird. | ||
| Amongst all this beauty, there was this fucking cocaine trail. | ||
| Look at the right side. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, fuck, man. | |
| You think you'll move back there eventually, Joe? | ||
| I mean, especially now that you're really big into hunting and stuff, it seems like it'd be more... | ||
| I love Denver. | ||
| I fucking love it. | ||
| Love it. | ||
| It might be my favorite spot. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| Every time I go there, I feel like I'm at home. | ||
| Last time I was there, I had a fucking great time, man. | ||
| You could live in the mountains near Denver too, like Evergreen, places like that. | ||
| It's a half hour away. | ||
| Independence Pass, the whole ride. | ||
| Every time I go back there, I'm like, yeah, this is probably better. | ||
| Right now, Denver's booming. | ||
| It's on fire. | ||
| They can't control it. | ||
| All the people that didn't want weed to be legal, boy, they got the worst possible results. | ||
| Massive economic recovery. | ||
| Housing prices are up 19%. | ||
| Real estate's up 19%. | ||
| I heard rents crazy now. | ||
| Rents are crazy. | ||
| The money is booming. | ||
| They've made more money in taxes for the first time ever from marijuana than they do from alcohol. | ||
| No, there's never been a place ever that's done that. | ||
| They've passed the amount of money they make in taxes from alcohol. | ||
| Because they tax it at like 39%. | ||
| It's smart. | ||
| They tax the shit out of it. | ||
| And no one gives a fuck. | ||
| Good. | ||
| Who cares? | ||
| Weed is so economical. | ||
| If you think about it, like how about one of those weed pens? | ||
| Those ones that Geno sells. | ||
| How much do they sell for? | ||
| It's like $100 or something like that. | ||
| I don't think it's that much. | ||
| No? | ||
| $60? | ||
| $60, $40, $60. | ||
| Okay, whatever it is. | ||
| And you have these little cartridges. | ||
| How much are the cartridges? | ||
| $30 or something like that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Something like that, yeah. | |
| Dude, they will last for weeks. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Those guys, for you, not really. | ||
| Three days. | ||
| Three days. | ||
| That's how you got caught on the plane, though. | ||
| You did, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, you set off the alarm, right? | ||
| I set off the alarm. | ||
| I told you you're gonna do that. | ||
| And they came in, and they're like, are you smoking? | ||
| I'm like, do I look like I'm fucking smoking? | ||
| And she goes, I wonder what set this off. | ||
| So the whole time, I'm like, they're gonna throw me in fucking jail when I get to the airport. | ||
| I just talked to you about this, like, because he periscoped and did it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like, he was blowing it up, going... | |
| And he's just blowing it up on the plane. | ||
| You periscoped on the plane? | ||
| Joey, that's like a federal offense. | ||
| Listen to me. | ||
| They didn't catch me. | ||
| I couldn't smoke in the road. | ||
| They didn't catch you. | ||
| You made your own video. | ||
| You made your own evidence against yourself. | ||
| The video's gone. | ||
| Right. | ||
| The ether. | ||
| This is when I was with my family, so I couldn't blow the smoke because the side sucks it in and the mercy will smell it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| So I just got up. | ||
| Mercy right now. | ||
| I thought it was fucked. | ||
| Because listen, let me tell you something. | ||
| You know what Hinchcliffe does? | ||
| Oh, I shouldn't tell you. | ||
| Let me tell you something. | ||
| Those five hour flights without edibles are brutal. | ||
| You need to get a hold of some spray. | ||
| Oh, I got everything now. | ||
| Oh, okay, okay. | ||
| Don't get angry. | ||
| Explode into my sleep. | ||
| I got the fucking thing I was going to bring you guys, and I left it on the counter. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| But I got up and went to the bathroom. | ||
| You got to be careful about saying what they're making. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Gotta keep it on the DM. I'm jizzled on the way back. | |
| Because on the way there, I didn't eat no edibles because I was worried about my kid. | ||
| But on the way back, I'm like, fuck it, six hours? | ||
| With this kid, I needed something to calm me down. | ||
| I went into that bathroom with the iPod on, so I really couldn't hear. | ||
| And I'm hitting this pipe, and I'm like, I just charged this up. | ||
| This motherfucker's hitting good. | ||
| It's fucking smoke everywhere inside this bathroom. | ||
| And all of a sudden, I can't hear, and I hear... | ||
| And I see the light going. | ||
| And I'm like, oh, shit. | ||
| So I flush. | ||
| I did piss because I was hitting it while I was pissing. | ||
| I pissed. | ||
| And I fucking put it in my pocket. | ||
| And I open it up. | ||
| What happened? | ||
| She goes, were you smoking here? | ||
| And they're like, it doesn't smell. | ||
| I go, no. | ||
| I don't know what happened. | ||
| I banged up against the thing. | ||
| My farts are so strong. | ||
| You're setting off smoke detectors. | ||
| And I fucking sat down. | ||
| I thought they were going to throw me in jail. | ||
| I gave my wife the car keys. | ||
| I said, just in case they arrest me. | ||
| On the way out. | ||
| They even said, thank you for coming on. | ||
| Your daughter was great. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So... | |
| Once they realize it's not smoke smoke, I think. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't think they're offended as much as, like, if you have an e-cigarette. | ||
| Like, they used to let you smoke those. | ||
| Remember people who take those blues on airplanes? | ||
| They used to smoke them all the time. | ||
| And then they had to put... | ||
| They had to figure it out. | ||
| They had to come up with laws for that, for e-cigarettes. | ||
| They're gonna have to come up with laws for those fucking hovercrafts. | ||
| Those little hoverboards? | ||
| Yeah, they're not allowed on. | ||
| They're blowing up now. | ||
| Have you seen them? | ||
| They're blowing up, so they're not allowed on no more. | ||
| Amazon pulled all of them. | ||
| Get these fucking morons off the fucking planet. | ||
| Do they let you just drive around those? | ||
| I have those. | ||
| They blow up? | ||
| Should I leave them outside? | ||
| Yeah, leave them outside. | ||
| It depends if you have a good version of them. | ||
| Mine is straight out of China. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How do you know what's the good version? | ||
| The good versions are the ones that actually have like a brand name and stuff where most of these generic ones are like just, you know, they're like just generic batteries, generic parts. | ||
| I just bought it from Amazon. | ||
| Should I throw them out? | ||
| Get new ones? | ||
| I wouldn't... | ||
| Donate them to really risky kids? | ||
| I'll take them. | ||
| Hey kids, these are fun, but you're taking a chance. | ||
| There's some crazy videos that I've been seeing lately of them blowing up just because of the generic batteries in them. | ||
| Yeah, I'm sure there's probably some of them that are better than others, but think about how many people have them. | ||
| There's probably, like, a very, very small percentage are blowing up, right? | ||
| Yeah, I don't know. | ||
| I don't know either. | ||
| But anyway, they're going to have to figure out how to, like, regulate them at the airport. | ||
| Because people just ride around them at the airport. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's one blowing up, huh? | ||
| Yeah, but see, we don't know what happened here. | ||
| That guy could have just lit that bitch on fire. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We don't know. | |
| Well, there's one that's, like, in malls. | ||
| There's, like, a... | ||
| Yeah, one blew up in a mall. | ||
| That's what I saw. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know what else I like about Denver, though? | ||
| Those motherfuckers are strapped constantly. | ||
| Even Isis knows. | ||
| What about Denver? | ||
| Those fucking white people. | ||
| A little on the crazy side. | ||
| Now they're smoking that THC. You don't want to take the chance. | ||
| They might shoot you before the grenade goes off. | ||
| And your world is going to be fucked up. | ||
| They're going to put cowboy dick in you and take you up in the mountains and rub maple syrup on you and tie you to a tree and fucking bake you and then stab you to death. | ||
| I'll see how much you fucking love Allah after that, motherfucker. | ||
| Listen, man, I've told you a thousand times. | ||
| There's some real crazy gun-loving Americans. | ||
| In the mountains of Colorado. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| I'm talking, and they're not malicious. | ||
| None of those malicious. | ||
| I know good white Americans in Colorado that are waiting at their house right now. | ||
| They're building weapons to kill fucking talibans and shit like that. | ||
| I know them personally. | ||
| I know one guy. | ||
| I call him from a fucking throwaway phone because I know they got the taps on this motherfucker. | ||
| This guy, 20 years ago, showed me grenade launchers in his fucking garage. | ||
| I can't imagine what he's got now. | ||
| Every time I call, I send them Christmas cards from a different address. | ||
| I go to Studio City and mail it to them. | ||
| I love them! | ||
| His first name is Fred, that's all I can tell you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
This guy taught me everything about it. | |
| He was a fucking weapon. | ||
| I was over there one day just talking. | ||
| I go, you ever see the movie Scarface? | ||
| That's a great gun he had at the end. | ||
| He just looked at me. | ||
| He looked at his wife. | ||
| He goes, do me a favor. | ||
| Can you go in the other room for a second? | ||
| She's like, sure. | ||
| She was like a nice white lady. | ||
| He's like, I want to show Joey something. | ||
| This lady got out. | ||
| He pulled over his couch. | ||
| And what he had under that couch, the Scarface gun was his littlest gun. | ||
| Do you understand me? | ||
| That Scarface gun, that was his fucking appetizer to kill people. | ||
| This guy had so many things. | ||
| And he started ratting himself out. | ||
| That he was in Vietnam. | ||
| He started showing me the pictures and the ears and the cards, the deck of cards they put on people and all that shit. | ||
| And I was like... | ||
| And he's like, if you want to go shoot sometime, I'll take it. | ||
| And that was the beginning of a friendship, Doug. | ||
| He taught me so many little things. | ||
| He knew how to fucking kill people. | ||
| He could kill somebody on Mars right now. | ||
| He just knew. | ||
| He just knew. | ||
| He was amazing, the shit this guy knew. | ||
| You want to kill somebody on Mars? | ||
| I got the angle. | ||
| He wanted to fucking... | ||
| You know, it was just something from another planet, man. | ||
| He would take me on the weekends. | ||
| I'd have to buy for my own bullets and shit. | ||
| But all the other shit we shot, I can't tell you the shit we shot. | ||
| There's a lot of gun enthusiasts out there. | ||
| A lot of gun. | ||
| But this guy... | ||
| You know my big friend Justin? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He don't even know how many guns he has. | ||
| I go, how many guns you have? | ||
| He goes, I don't know. | ||
| I go, more than a hundred? | ||
| He goes, oh, yeah. | ||
| More than a hundred. | ||
| What about when I hugged the doctor? | ||
| I hugged him one time. | ||
| I was like, what the fuck? | ||
| He's like, oh yeah, I don't even know it without this fucking son. | ||
| He was in the military. | ||
| He was an Air Force flight surgeon. | ||
| He doesn't give a fuck. | ||
| Steve, that guy is crazy as fuck. | ||
| He's been my friend for 27 years, 28 years. | ||
| Actually more than that. | ||
| Shit, how many years? | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Dude, 30 years. | ||
| He's been my friend for 30-something years. | ||
| 33 years. | ||
| Wow, that's crazy. | ||
| Yeah, that guy, he's in his 60s. | ||
| He gets his body fixed just so he can go back to sparring again. | ||
| He's in his 60s. | ||
| Blows his rotator cuff. | ||
| Well, I'm gonna have to get that fixed. | ||
| Gets it all fucking stitched up. | ||
| Well, blew my knee out again. | ||
| Gotta get that fixed. | ||
| He's had more than 20 knee surgeries. | ||
| He's crazy. | ||
| Guy doesn't give a fuck. | ||
| He's going to go training with young kids. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He doesn't give a fuck. | |
| He'll come after you, too, like a wild dog. | ||
| He's always been that way. | ||
| He was an ophthalmologist when I met him. | ||
| He was doing his residency in Boston. | ||
| This guy, I've never met anybody that worked harder. | ||
| There's a few people in my life that, when I was young, that let me know what hard work really was. | ||
| Like, I thought I worked hard, and then I'd watch these guys, and I'd just go, fuck. | ||
| One of them was Steve. | ||
| Steve was an ophthalmologist. | ||
| He was doing his residency. | ||
| He was sitting on the toilet, eating food out of a tray, and he fell asleep and his buzzer went off. | ||
| So he's shitting, eating, and sleeping at the same time, and his buzzer goes off to tell him to go back to work. | ||
| Because when you're in your residency, you do these insane, insane hours. | ||
| They're just mind-blowing. | ||
| And then you're studying, and it's chaos. | ||
| The amount of sleep that they get versus the amount of work that they have to do, it's amazing how nobody just... | ||
| People don't constantly, accidentally kill people. | ||
| Because they're all so tired. | ||
| It's the weirdest thing about doctors. | ||
| I don't know if they still do it this way, but the way they used to do it, they would make them work these fucking ungodly hours. | ||
| And you would always be exhausted. | ||
| And so you would think you'd want to be wide awake and thinking clearly to make medical decisions, especially about people's vision. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Nope. | ||
| All these fucking guys. | ||
| They make them work insane, insane hours. | ||
| And the other one was my friend Junk Shik. | ||
| Junk Shik Chang. | ||
| He was a U.S. National Taekwondo champion. | ||
| And he came from my same gym. | ||
| And he was the guy who won the championships while he was in medical school. | ||
| This fucking guy. | ||
| You want to talk about a guy who worked hard? | ||
| I never met anybody who worked harder. | ||
| Complained less. | ||
| Got so little sleep. | ||
| If he slept like four hours a night, it was plenty. | ||
| And he was training for the national taekwondo team. | ||
| This fucking guy used to do studying, and in between studying, he would sprint up the stairs in his university. | ||
| And come back down, and then sprint. | ||
| And he would do that, like, he would read or do his work for a couple hours, and then he would sprint upstairs. | ||
| Put his backpacks, throw all his books in his back, put his backpack on, and sprint up the stairs. | ||
| He just did every waking moment dedicated to all the shit that he had to get done. | ||
| Because he came from a Korean background, and Korean parents are super, some of them, super strict. | ||
| About their children succeeding. | ||
| His father just put all this incredible pressure on him. | ||
| So when I would think, like, people would say, wow, you work so hard. | ||
| Like, barely. | ||
| I sleep eight whole hours a night. | ||
| Like, these guys, Steve and Junkchick, two guys, incidentally, that were in the medical, you know, medical education, and they both, I never saw anybody work harder. | ||
| I've never seen anything in my life like that. | ||
| They would be exhausted. | ||
| Like, Junkchick would come in, he would come into training, and his mouth would be open like this. | ||
| He goes, I'm so fucking tired. | ||
| I'm so fucking tired. | ||
| Well, then training would start. | ||
| This fucking guy goes, ah! | ||
| He would fire up and get crazy. | ||
| He's a bad motherfucker. | ||
| He would fire up and just start kicking the shit out of people. | ||
| And he wasn't even, like, a talented guy. | ||
| He wasn't, like, physically talented. | ||
| He wasn't, like, some LeBron James, some unusual freak specimen of athleticism. | ||
| 5'5", 5'6", Korean kid who just didn't take no for an answer. | ||
| Just didn't fucking take no for an answer. | ||
| And figured out how to win the national title. | ||
| While he was in fucking medical school! | ||
| So whenever I was around people that were, you know, that would say, yeah, I work hard, I work too fucking hard, I'm like, damn. | ||
| I'm not saying you should work the way those guys did, because I don't think you should. | ||
| I think that's too much. | ||
| I think there's a point of, like, you can overtrain, and fighters overtrain, they work out too hard, they come into the fight and they're exhausted, they just never recovered from their training. | ||
| There's something admirable about the ability to do what they did. | ||
| Like, I don't think you should do it. | ||
| I don't think you should work that hard, because I think you kill yourself. | ||
| I think everybody should get a taste of it, to just know. | ||
| Bro, we're fucking soft. | ||
| We're fucking soft. | ||
| We're fucking soft. | ||
| We do what we have to do. | ||
| We were talking about this before. | ||
| Like, when I went home with Mercy, and I took her to a park one day, I told you, it was cold out. | ||
| My wife said, put the jacket on her. | ||
| Fuck no. | ||
| Take the fucking jacket off and no gloves either. | ||
| Let her climb and shit. | ||
| My wife's like, but her hands are freezing. | ||
| Look at what she's living out out there. | ||
| We're soft. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, we're just talking about that. | ||
| When you go on that ferry, what do you think? | ||
| When that ferry stops in February when it's 10 below in Manhattan? | ||
| No. | ||
| And you know, once that sun goes down, it's fucking brutal on that goddamn ferry. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you just make it work. | ||
| You know, but we forget sometimes. | ||
| Listen, man, how hard do you fucking work? | ||
| How hard do you work when I first met you? | ||
| You just work smarter now. | ||
| You still put in the hours. | ||
| You just work fucking smarter now. | ||
| When I met you, you used to do news radio and then go to the fucking store and hang with me till midnight. | ||
| Which ain't no fucking joke, my friend. | ||
| A couple of Friday nights, you would shoot from 12 or 11 and you wouldn't get out of news radio till 10. And I don't know what you were making on news radio, but the character was you still came down and did your $15 spot. | ||
| And you follow whoever, and you were fucking happy, and that's work ethic. | ||
| And you know, how many times you talk to a comedian, they tell you things aren't going their way. | ||
| And you say, okay, what have you been doing lately? | ||
| And they tell you, and you're like, are you fucking kidding me? | ||
| Are you fucking kidding me? | ||
| You know how hard work goes into being a top-notch fucking comic? | ||
| We just talk about Dave Chappelle being at the store. | ||
| How old is Ron White? | ||
| Didn't he follow media at the fucking store? | ||
| This is a guy that's a millionaire. | ||
| You're still fucking out there every fucking night, man. | ||
| It's why he's still good. | ||
| I look at these fucking kids and they tell me, oh, I'm tired. | ||
| What fucking tired are you talking about, man? | ||
| What fucking tired are you talking about? | ||
| The first time I slept and I got no reason why was when I got locked up at 27. Before that, I was asleep. | ||
| Three hours here on a couch in between Coke rocks and fucking... | ||
| You know, whatever. | ||
| Sleep apnea machine. | ||
| There was no sleep apnea machine. | ||
| You just roughed it out then. | ||
| You know, but now people, oh, I want to do this with my life. | ||
| You got to put in the fucking hours, you know? | ||
| I read the Rolling Stone article, you know, and there it showed. | ||
| You put in the hours, Joe Rogan. | ||
| It showed a lot. | ||
| You know, I read that article, and I'm like, this is a beautiful article. | ||
| But there was many ways that didn't show the reasons why I loved you. | ||
| And that's because of your work ethic. | ||
| I thought that when you moved to this town, because when I got here, when you moved to this town, you got a TV show, you stopped going to the store. | ||
| That's the impression I got. | ||
| He started working harder. | ||
| He started working harder, man. | ||
| And that's where I got it from. | ||
| I finally realized, you know what? | ||
| When you call down to the store, you got to call in coast to coast. | ||
| You got to call in Sunday to Sunday. | ||
| And if it's five nights a week, how many times do we leave the store at 3 in the morning, man? | ||
| A lot. | ||
| You know what the big one was, too? | ||
| You've got to be willing to do those non-paid regular spots. | ||
| A lot of guys don't want to do those non-paid regular spots. | ||
| You gotta show up and wait. | ||
| And that's how I got passed. | ||
| It's one of the main reasons why Mitzi passed me. | ||
| Two main reasons. | ||
| One, the Todd. | ||
| That dude, the Todd. | ||
| The Todd, he was on MTV. He was one of Pauly's friends. | ||
| Fucking great guy. | ||
| That guy was the best. | ||
| He was so nice. | ||
| And he said, I'm gonna help you. | ||
| He goes, you're really funny. | ||
| He goes, I'm gonna sit next to Mitzi, and I'm gonna laugh while you're on stage. | ||
| She told me. | ||
| And he goes, and then one day, he goes... | ||
| You're going to have a friend that you want to get past, you'll do the same thing. | ||
| Then that dude, he had a serious problem. | ||
| He had a serious mental problem. | ||
| He had something wrong physically with his brain. | ||
| I don't remember what it was, but it was so depressing to me because he showed me great camaraderie. | ||
| There's this camaraderie that you have between fellow comics when you meet someone and they're coming up. | ||
| Like, a lot of times you get on Kill Tony. | ||
| You get these young guys or young girls that are coming up and you go, hey, you want to look at them? | ||
| Like, you're really funny. | ||
| Like, keep this up, man. | ||
| You can do this. | ||
| You're really funny. | ||
| And when you run into people that connect you like that, that hook you up like that, like, you sat down next to Mid-Seen. | ||
| It's like, ah! | ||
| Holy shit! | ||
| Just laughed it up, hammed it up. | ||
| The audience was laughing too. | ||
| So Mitzi was like, you're passed. | ||
| Come here. | ||
| You're passed. | ||
| You're now paid regularly. | ||
| You can call in on Monday. | ||
| That was, to me, that was way bigger a deal than even getting a TV show. | ||
| I was already on a TV show. | ||
| The TV show wasn't shit. | ||
| I was like, I'm at the store. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I made it. | |
| I'm in. | ||
| I'm in. | ||
| I'm in at Mecca. | ||
| That was, when we were open micers, that was the spot. | ||
| There was only one spot. | ||
| It was Mecca. | ||
| There was the Catch a Rising Star in New York. | ||
| There was the comic strip in New York. | ||
| There was all these clubs. | ||
| We all knew about the Laugh Stop in Houston, where Kinison came from. | ||
| We all knew about all these good spots you're supposed to go to. | ||
| Zany's in Nashville was always a spot that people would talk about. | ||
| But there was one Mecca. | ||
| You know? | ||
| It's funny because I talked about this last week, and this is something that, again, wasn't in the interview you did. | ||
| You know, I was... | ||
| All right, so I got funny in 2000, and then I got a few movies. | ||
| You got funnier before that, man. | ||
| And then I got stuck. | ||
| And then you got stuck. | ||
| And then I had to talk with somebody. | ||
| I got to tell you, I had to talk with the black dude who used to teach me Juan Hop Gwendo. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay? | |
| As silly as this was, you know, Winahawk was an offshoot of Kempo. | ||
| It's Hawaiian, and this was the Kaskus. | ||
| What's his name? | ||
| Mark Takaskus? | ||
| This is his father's first student from Denver. | ||
| These two black guys didn't fuck around. | ||
| Was this in here? | ||
| Here. | ||
| And he was saying that... | ||
| You know, he does this thing. | ||
| And he goes, I really started getting into martial arts when I started teaching. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because that's the complete different story. | ||
| And he goes, did you ever consider teaching stand-up? | ||
| And I was like, fuck, who would listen to me? | ||
| And I went home. | ||
| I thought about what he was saying to me. | ||
| When we got to the store, when I got to the store, you know the first week I became a regular, like the third night I got into a fucking beef. | ||
| And I can name four times I got into beefs with those older jealousy-type comics. | ||
| Oh, there was a bunch of those movies. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And you had it. | |
| I'm not going to say nothing. | ||
| The one time in the main room. | ||
| One time, oh shit, with the glass in the fucking original room when there was no booze. | ||
| The guy broke the bottle, okay? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I remember... | ||
| Thinking that. | ||
| Then you had Charlie Hill who would fucking pull you aside and go, hey man, I had belly laughs when you were on stage and I hang in with it. | ||
| I know you're having a hard time here. | ||
| I know it's, you know, 1.35 in the morning and you're going up, but it's going to pay off for you. | ||
| Alan Stevens put me in fucking Arliss opposite James Coburn, my idol. | ||
| We were just talking one day and he goes, you really like James Coburn? | ||
| He's scheduled to do Arliss. | ||
| I'm going to get you on it. | ||
| Dog, You know what that does to your insides. | ||
| But you had these scumbags. | ||
| And I remember, again, I thought to myself, I'm never going to ever do something with this. | ||
| But if I ever do, I'm going to be nice to these kids. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| When I go to the store now, it's hugs with the young kids. | ||
| It's all encouragement. | ||
| I get in and out of there. | ||
| I don't want to be that old pervert or that old guy that's giving advice. | ||
| No, no, no, no. | ||
| I look in the eye, I put my hand down, and I say, hey, man. | ||
| No, seriously! | ||
| You held court the other day in the fucking... | ||
| I got a video, a short video. | ||
| I put it up on YouTube where you're talking about Guns N' Roses. | ||
| Well, I put it up on Instagram. | ||
| It was a short video. | ||
| But when you were in the back, by the back bar, holding court the other night... | ||
| Well, it's this camaraderie there that wasn't there when we came. | ||
| When we came up. | ||
| So I made... | ||
| And you know what I'm going to tell you something? | ||
| It's made me a 100% better comic. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| A hundred! | ||
| Being, you know, Tony, those young door guys, you know how hard it is to be a door guy and sit there and say hello to people. | ||
| In your heart, you want to do the same thing. | ||
| Guys, I don't know how many times I went home at night. | ||
| Five years into comedy, I'd cry myself to sleep. | ||
| I'd circle Just the Laps. | ||
| Remember Just the Laps? | ||
| Sure. | ||
| The newspaper. | ||
| And the back page was all the clubs. | ||
| And I would sit there and circle the clubs that I was someday going to perform at. | ||
| The Seattle Underground, the Punchline of Atlanta, The Last Stop. | ||
| What was the other one? | ||
| What was the one where Ralphie fell through the stage? | ||
| That's real? | ||
| Yeah, that's a true story. | ||
| That the stage was, that club was legendary in Houston, way before The Last Stop. | ||
| The other where the Houston Improv moved in. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, there's another one. | ||
| That was a fucking great name. | ||
| They were just clubs that had names like the Insignia for Seattle was a building, the Seattle thing, and it was turned. | ||
| And I'm like, one day I'm going to fucking play there. | ||
| And then after three minutes between the cocaine and who the fuck I was deep down inside, I would just break down into tears and go, I'm never going to be good enough to play those clubs. | ||
| Why would I say that to myself? | ||
| This is just a fucking pipe dream. | ||
| You know, I'm not doing this shit. | ||
| So now to be up there with these guys. | ||
| The other night, Joe Rogan, I almost went home. | ||
| Do you know that? | ||
| Joey Diaz, the old Joey Diaz, when Adam came over and said, hey man, you mind if Chappelle goes up? | ||
| I said, fuck no. | ||
| Before you, I said, fuck no. | ||
| The old Joey Diaz would have got fucking insulting me, putting Dave Chappelle on him like if I was somebody. | ||
| And I'd get in my car and leave. | ||
| Years ago I would just leave. | ||
| Fuck you. | ||
| I was like, no, man, Joe Rogan wouldn't leave. | ||
| He'd fucking sit down and get up there. | ||
| And Joe, I had such a fucking good time the other night watching Chappelle. | ||
| Like, I learned something, man. | ||
| But this thing we're going through isn't about podcasts. | ||
| It isn't about nothing right now. | ||
| It's about, you know, I did The Belly Room last night. | ||
| Uh-oh, last Wednesday. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| 11.15, The Dollar Show. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The Dollar Show. | ||
| Sold out. | ||
| That night, I told you I couldn't do yours, but I could do the late one. | ||
| I left there feeling like I won the Academy Award because I helped these young kids. | ||
| Like, I made these young kids. | ||
| They hugged me. | ||
| They offered me weed. | ||
| You know, that waitress sucks dick. | ||
| I don't know, but it made me feel... | ||
| I didn't take no money. | ||
| I didn't get $15. | ||
| It wasn't about that, man. | ||
| It was about doing something with these young guys and these young guys looking at you differently and letting them know that, hey, man, I ain't no better than you, and someday you're going to be way better than me. | ||
| I just watch your set. | ||
| You're a writer, man. | ||
| You're a bad motherfucker. | ||
| That has made me a way better comic than doing open mics, Because now I see it from a different angle. | ||
| I love comedy again. | ||
| I love watching it. | ||
| But I like watching the young guys at the store. | ||
|
unidentified
|
There's some fucking goofy, fucking funny white guys. | |
| Don't you feel like the whole attitude of that place feels different? | ||
| Fuck yeah. | ||
| Way better, right? | ||
| I think that's the internet. | ||
| I think that's a big... | ||
| Like, the crop of guys that were coming in, the new crop over the last, like, ten years, they're coming in for the right reasons. | ||
| I love you with all my heart, but you're making it sound too good. | ||
| They got rid of the shitheads up there. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Let's eliminate the internet. | ||
| You're a sweet guy. | ||
| And that's why I love you to death. | ||
| But let's be honest. | ||
| They got rid of the pure shit up there. | ||
| Pure shit tape came into that store and they're no longer there. | ||
| They're such shit, they won't even show their faces no more because we called them out on it. | ||
| They turned something beautiful into shit. | ||
| That was our fucking home. | ||
| That was our camaraderie. | ||
| That was my base. | ||
| That was everything to me, man. | ||
| That was everything to me. | ||
| And one day, some fucking guy came in, and some fucking dumb comic started putting shit in his fucking head, and that motherfucker don't go to the comedy store no more. | ||
| And let's get out of the way. | ||
| Caparulo, suck my dick. | ||
| That's what you get for being a cunt all your fucking life. | ||
| That's what you get. | ||
| You and Tommy can both suck my dick. | ||
| Merry Christmas. | ||
| And don't let me see you at the store no more, Caparulo. | ||
| You fucking faggot. | ||
| Motherfucker. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, my. | |
| My little punk ass bitch. | ||
| He threw all of us under the bus, bro. | ||
| I found out about a ton of shit. | ||
| Fuck that motherfucker. | ||
| That's why I woke up one day and put it on Twitter. | ||
| You're a cunt. | ||
| And that same night I had to put him up in the main room and he froze when he saw me. | ||
| Then he had to follow you and he was calling the fucking club to tell him not to put you up. | ||
| To wait till he got there. | ||
| So when I found that out, that was it. | ||
| Every time I see him at the store, I just glare at him. | ||
| I'm going to get fucking, what's his name? | ||
| The kid with the diabetes that's crazy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How do you know that for sure? | |
| Because I find out little fucking things. | ||
| I know everything, cocksucker. | ||
| That's my job, okay? | ||
| That's my job. | ||
| You don't see him down there no more. | ||
| What's that expression? | ||
| You won't be seeing him no more. | ||
| When they go to Michael Corleone, when he's making the thing, hey, what happened with Paulie? | ||
| And the fat guy looks at me and goes, you won't be seeing him no more. | ||
| And Sonny looks at me and goes, okay. | ||
| And he dips the bread in the sauce. | ||
| It was Tommy. | ||
| Now he did a podcast with Skagel. | ||
| Did you listen to that psycho fucking moron on there? | ||
| That fucking psycho! | ||
| That's what the problem is! | ||
| These fucking psychos have taken over clubs and they give clubs a bad name and then, you know, you don't want to play that club no more. | ||
| The Comedy Store is the best club in the fucking universe. | ||
| There's Martians up there in Mars planning a fucking visit just to go to the Comedy Store because there's something about it. | ||
| Even with those old guys, when we were going there, there was something about it. | ||
| We had each other, bro. | ||
| We had each other. | ||
| We had a little thing, and Dice used to sit on the stairs, and crack jokes, and Barris, and all those guys. | ||
| Dom Barris, who does he fucking insult? | ||
| Nobody. | ||
| Dom Barris is the salt of the comedy store after midnight. | ||
| There's just certain people that have made the comedy store. | ||
| He insults you? | ||
| Is that what you're saying? | ||
| Jamie was saying him. | ||
| He insults him. | ||
| No, no. | ||
| This is what really happened at the store. | ||
| You put a bunch of shithead fucking comics at a great place and they poisoned it for years. | ||
| And look at the energy of the store now. | ||
| The proof is in the pudding. | ||
| I'm not talking nothing out of line here. | ||
| I'm not saying nothing out of line here. | ||
| Tommy's gone. | ||
| Cap is gone. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| The store is fucking beautiful. | ||
| You had a couple of dismal guys that would sit there every night throwing fucking witchcraft on all the good comics. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck you! | |
| I hope you're bomb. | ||
| I hope he doesn't make it so I can get a stupid fallout set. | ||
| They're all fucking gone. | ||
| That old wood that would sit there and... | ||
| You getting a spot tonight? | ||
| Man, I... I wish Joe Rogan was my friend, making little remarks. | ||
| They're all gone. | ||
| It's over. | ||
| It's a positive comedy fucking haven now. | ||
| I only go down there three times a week out of respect because I don't want to be that old pervert guy sitting around with the waitresses talking to young comics. | ||
| I'm a comic. | ||
| I go get my work out. | ||
| I get in my car and I leave. | ||
| I'd love to be able to hang out there for two hours, but I can't. | ||
| But the other night Ari was there. | ||
| We were giggling in the hallways. | ||
| Look at what happened the other night. | ||
| When did we start this podcast with Chappelle goofing on Steve Renazzisi and Ari and they all had a great fucking time. | ||
| I guess everybody did 9-11 jokes to Steve Renazzisi. | ||
| Yeah, it was brutally hilarious. | ||
| I wish I was there for that. | ||
| That is so funny. | ||
| It's good that he's taking it on the chin like that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck yeah! | |
| He's a great guy and it happens and you make mistakes and that's it. | ||
| But the point is we're fucking back. | ||
| We're back as comics. | ||
| It's better than ever. | ||
| We're back as comics. | ||
| It's better than ever, that place. | ||
| No shitheads go up there. | ||
| I think shitheads go to go in, and there's a force now that's an anti-shithead fucking force, and it keeps them out. | ||
| That's the truth, man. | ||
| That's the fucking truth. | ||
| Everybody's super cool up there. | ||
| The other night I was starting to get a mini-anxiety attack. | ||
| Do you know that? | ||
| No edibles, no nothing. | ||
| I was starting to get a mini-anxiety attack. | ||
| And as I was walking to the stairs at the store, I heard, honey, and I looked, and it was Sarah Tiana with a hat on. | ||
| And my anxiety went away, bro. | ||
| They just gave me a different twist. | ||
| She's so nice. | ||
| She's the best. | ||
| She's such a nice person. | ||
| She's so nice. | ||
| Every time you're around her, she's just so kind. | ||
| Just a sweetheart, you know? | ||
| And don't cut what I said out. | ||
| What I said out. | ||
| Because, dog, I'm a 52. I got one foot in the gray with a banana peel. | ||
| I don't give a fuck if somebody gets mad at me. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| I'll call your Romero to fucking handle things for me now at this age. | ||
| Yeah, I don't know. | ||
| When I see Cap, I say hi, and I like him, and I give him a hug. | ||
| I don't know what the fuck happens behind the scenes, but he's always nice to me. | ||
| Yeah, same here. | ||
| Deep down inside, he wishes you fucking get hit by a helicopter. | ||
| I was watching last night Jimmy Schubert do magic tricks. | ||
| And by the way, an amazing magician. | ||
| He started as a magician. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He was a magician for years. | ||
| But he said that he grew up doing comedy and magic. | ||
| Did you know that he also did that? | ||
| I only did it for a little while when I was about eight. | ||
| I got a magicked set for Christmas. | ||
| It teaches you how to do a few stupid tricks. | ||
| I did a little show on Fisherman's Wharf. | ||
| I did it a couple of times. | ||
| Did you really? | ||
| Yeah, I would just set up a box, and then people would give me money, and then I'd go buy comic books. | ||
| But I did it one time, and these fucking older kids fucked with me. | ||
| They kind of like gave me a hard time, and I got scared. | ||
| So I stopped doing it. | ||
| They just mocked me and were goofing on me, and I was like, oh, well, nothing I can do here. | ||
| I was like, you know, eight. | ||
| They were probably like young teenagers, like 13 or something like that, and they were mean. | ||
| So I was like, all right. | ||
| I got scared. | ||
| Stopped doing it. | ||
| But it was a weird thing. | ||
| If nobody tells you that you can't perform, I would go there and I'd watch these people put on shows. | ||
| They had all kinds of different shows. | ||
| People would just do street performance. | ||
| So I was like, I'll try this. | ||
| Fuck it, I got my magic trick thing. | ||
| I had a hat, a little magic hat. | ||
| I had a cape. | ||
| By myself. | ||
| Eight. | ||
| That's ridiculous. | ||
| Set up this fucking thing. | ||
| Set up this little... | ||
| Terrible magic tricks. | ||
| Awful at it. | ||
| But just banking on the fact that I was cute. | ||
| I got the kit too with the ball and you put it in it. | ||
| I had the little wand. | ||
| I gave up. | ||
| I couldn't do that shit. | ||
| It was tough. | ||
| No, I appreciate magic. | ||
| I like it if it's done well. | ||
| Schubert's magic. | ||
| I mean, he was bomb-ass wasted. | ||
| You could tell he was a little sloppy. | ||
| But his magic was legit. | ||
| It was to the point where he had four cards down there. | ||
| And we saw, just saw like one second ago what cards they were, and then he would turn them over like in front of us going, what the fuck? | ||
| That's impossible. | ||
| How did you do that? | ||
| His magic was legit. | ||
| Last week, at Gabriel's Christmas party, he had a magician there, and the motherfucker came up to me. | ||
| I was eating. | ||
| By the way, Lucille's barbecue on Long Beach, they ain't fucking around, though. | ||
| Those baby back ribs were stronger than that. | ||
| Really? | ||
| So a magician came, and he showed me and Steve Simone the card. | ||
| You gotta get up on that microphone. | ||
| He showed me and Steve Simone the card, and then he went like this, and he did something, and he told the lady over there, take out your sleeve. | ||
| The card was in her fucking sleeve. | ||
| I can't figure out how the fuck he did this shit. | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| She worked for him. | ||
| No, no. | ||
| She was some fucking manager or something stupid. | ||
| It was fucking crazy. | ||
| I don't know how the hell they do it. | ||
| I don't know how they do it. | ||
| There's some craziness going on with some of these magicians. | ||
| The sleight of hand and the way they figure out how to set things up. | ||
| It's an art. | ||
| It's an art. | ||
| They don't want to tell you either. | ||
| They don't want to tell you. | ||
| We had a guy, he bent a spoon in front of us. | ||
| I'm like, how the fuck is this guy doing this? | ||
| He's bending a spoon with the air. | ||
| He's moving his finger around it and the spoon starts to bend and twist. | ||
| I don't know how the fuck he's doing it. | ||
| I don't know how he's doing it. | ||
| But he's letting you know, like, there's a trick to it. | ||
| I'm not going to tell you how I do it, but it's just a trick. | ||
| And they've figured out how to do it in a way that your eyes don't catch. | ||
| Like, there's a lot of the movements they do when they're shuffling the deck and moving cards around. | ||
| Like, your eyes just are not catching the fluidity of their movement. | ||
| They get so good at it. | ||
| They can just hide the cards. | ||
| And you don't even see it. | ||
| You're like, okay, what happened? | ||
| And all of a sudden, the card's on top of his hat. | ||
| And you're like, where the fuck? | ||
| Like, you didn't see it. | ||
| You ever see a good pickpocket, though? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Only in videos, not in person. | ||
| When you played pool, you ever see people who pickpocket people for a living? | ||
| They bump into you. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The whole thing. | ||
| And when they do it in teams. | ||
| Have you watched that movie Focus yet? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Not an Academy Award winning movie. | ||
| Anybody see Focus? | ||
| What is Focus? | ||
| Which one's that? | ||
| Focus is Will Smith and some blind chick. | ||
| and they run a scam of going to New Orleans for the Super Bowl and how work goes down. | ||
| And they take everything they shoplift, everything they fucking thing, and it goes on eBay. | ||
| So let's say they steal. | ||
| Fucking brilliant. | ||
| And this is how it works, guys. | ||
| They bump into Red Van because my friend's mom used to do it. | ||
| They take just the credit cards. | ||
| They put the wallet back. | ||
| They have people at restaurants that when they take your wallet, you know when you give your credit card to people? | ||
| They take it and they have a thing. | ||
| And they go like this, then they sell it back to Will Smith. | ||
| So at the end of the day, Will Smith has all these credit cards. | ||
| Now he starts buying stuff online. | ||
| Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam. | ||
| Then they get it, then they put it on eBay. | ||
| And they sell it a third of a cost, and that's how people get all that shit. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And it just went, but forget about all that. | ||
| Dog, do me a favor. | ||
| Watch the motherfucking movie for the scene. | ||
| There's a scene they do where he bumps. | ||
| You ever see that little Chinese guy that plays gay on SVU? He always comes in and the child suffers from a dementia. | ||
| He's been in a lot of shows. | ||
| A lot of movies. | ||
| Dog, watch him in this movie. | ||
| One scene. | ||
| One thing. | ||
| They do, like, a gamble. | ||
| He's, like, the world's biggest gambler. | ||
| He bets on anything. | ||
| Like, he'll bet on anything. | ||
| Like, all you gotta do is entice him and the whole hustle. | ||
| But when this guy's doing it, they play sympathy for the devil, and you're thinking the movie's taking you somewhere else. | ||
| You're like, this motherfucking Chinese guy's the devil. | ||
| Because he's so smooth, Joe. | ||
| He plays the obnoxious Asian that's filthy rich, has a sports box, and the fucking three hot young fucking Asians waiting for him to suck his dick. | ||
| And everybody's drinking Dom or whatever, even better than Dom. | ||
| And he's brash and shit. | ||
| He's one of these... | ||
| Right there! | ||
| What is his name? | ||
| Look at that motherfucker! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right there! | |
| Fuck! | ||
| God damn! | ||
| He was good in that movie. | ||
| What is his name, Jamie? | ||
| Find his name. | ||
| Look at the young freak. | ||
| Backwards Hitler. | ||
| Look at the young freak waiting for him. | ||
| Look at him. | ||
| He had ten of them waiting for him. | ||
| Big old cigar. | ||
| Bro, this guy breaks it down. | ||
| Soak, and then the movie ends after that. | ||
| After that, you're just watching fucking go. | ||
| Focus, huh? | ||
| Focus. | ||
| Is it in theaters? | ||
| Netflix? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What is it? | |
| I watched it on a plane, and I fucking got hooked on that scene. | ||
| I had to take it home and show my wife. | ||
| She was like, Jesus, he's fucking good. | ||
| B.D. Wong. | ||
| That guy's been in everything. | ||
| Where's he from? | ||
| San Francisco. | ||
| He's 60? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, he's 50. 55. He's 55? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| He's got that Asian gene. | ||
| God damn, they look so much better than regular white people. | ||
| They're better models. | ||
| At 55? | ||
| Isn't that a 55-year-old white guy alive that looks like an Irish guy? | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| That's like the polar opposite. | ||
| Chinese and Irish. | ||
| Like who ages better? | ||
| Wong, I think it's Chinese. | ||
| I think so. | ||
| He fits the motherfucking bill. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, that guy's a bad motherfucker. | ||
| He's been in a lot of movies. | ||
| Did you see the movie Tangerine? | ||
| Do you know anything about it? | ||
| No. | ||
| Tangerine is a movie that is all filmed on iPhones. | ||
| Oh, I heard about it. | ||
| I haven't seen it. | ||
| Yeah, and I was on Shroom, so I didn't know what the... | ||
| My friend was just like, let's watch this. | ||
| And I guess it's about transsexuals. | ||
| And out of nowhere, Ian Edwards pops up in the movie, and I'm just like, what the fuck? | ||
| Why is Ian in here? | ||
| And it's a really good movie, because what they do is they took real transsexuals from L.A. that hang out at Donut Time at 3 in the morning, like in West Hollywood. | ||
| And then they mix it with actors. | ||
| And so it's got this documentary-type... | ||
| Wait, is this real people? | ||
| It's an interesting movie, though. | ||
| But Ian Edwards is in it. | ||
| Don't fuck me up. | ||
| It's not Donut Time. | ||
| It's Yum Yum Donuts on Santa Monica and motherfucking Highland. | ||
| I used to get stuck at that ladder all the time. | ||
| I used to go to Weight Watcher meetings. | ||
| I used to go to a 9 o'clock Weight Watcher meeting, so I had to be there by 8.40. | ||
| And I'd get stuck there Sunday mornings, and I'd look to my left, bro, and there'd be three hot motherfucking bitches. | ||
| And that little freak of us was like, maybe she's a hooker. | ||
| She'll suck my dick for $40. | ||
| And all of a sudden, they look at you, and that's how you could tell they're heavy-duty trannies, bro. | ||
| You just step on that fucking gas. | ||
| Well, the difference is in the eye contact. | ||
| The male transgender people make eye contact with you, like the transy, transgender hookers. | ||
| They make eye contact. | ||
| They look right at you. | ||
| Whereas, like, female hookers, they'll kind of look in your direction, like... | ||
| Does a transgender hook have a dick? | ||
| Depends. | ||
| They can or they don't have to. | ||
| They might have had the operation or they might never get the operation. | ||
| They still consider themselves a woman. | ||
| But they have boobs. | ||
| So they have tits with a dick. | ||
| They have tits with a dick and they still consider themselves a woman. | ||
| And they get hard-ons. | ||
| So figure that out. | ||
| There's pictures, a lot of them, of ones that are completely erect, fully woman. | ||
| Like, woman's ass, woman's legs, woman's waist, woman's breasts, woman's face. | ||
| Dick. | ||
| Hard dick. | ||
| So confusing. | ||
| It makes no sense anymore. | ||
| It's like, what are ya? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I mean, you can be whatever you want, but what are ya? | |
| How does that work? | ||
| I mean, I'm not sure what's going on here. | ||
| You say she, but yet you have a dick. | ||
| But you're allowed to. | ||
| You're just allowed to, like, be whatever you want. | ||
| If you're a girl with a dick, then that's that. | ||
| It's just confusing. | ||
| It's too crazy for me to even comprehend. | ||
| Like, I don't fucking know what to even think anymore. | ||
| I'm for whatever, what everybody wants to do. | ||
| Yeah, no, I had a friend in Seattle that was very cool. | ||
| She was a trans. | ||
| She did the whole operation. | ||
| She was a comic. | ||
| I told you, but the problem was her head was too big. | ||
| See, that's where you fuck up right there. | ||
| That if you make the transgender, they cut your dick and they do all the other things, and your feelings change, but your head remains the same. | ||
| So her balance was off. | ||
| I'm not kidding you. | ||
| I'm not lying to you. | ||
| Her name was something. | ||
| So her head was too big for her neck? | ||
| She was half Japanese, half something. | ||
| Rita. | ||
| Rita O. Rita O. Whatever she was. | ||
| Rita O. Whatever. | ||
| And she ended up dying because she would fall. | ||
| And bang her head. | ||
| Because her head was too fucking big. | ||
| I remember that story. | ||
| That's the only one I really had, you know. | ||
| Remember the one we met in Vegas? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The one we met in Vegas where she kept showing it to us? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| We didn't even know. | ||
| She was so tiny. | ||
| She was so tiny you would never suspect that she used to be a dude. | ||
| I don't know nothing. | ||
| I don't know how old women are. | ||
| I don't know nothing. | ||
| I was at the mall the other day getting a picture with Santa Claus and there were these young girls with tight pants on and heels. | ||
| And I'm like, Terry, why are these women taking pictures of Santa Claus? | ||
| Terry's like, they ain't women. | ||
| Those are 15-year-old fucking girls. | ||
| There were women in my... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I couldn't fucking tell. | ||
| I can't tell, man. | ||
| Jared said the same thing. | ||
| Who? | ||
| No. | ||
| Fuck, Jared. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| Do you think that... | ||
| I mean, do we just not remember it right? | ||
| Or do girls look different now when they're 15 than they did when we were 15? | ||
| Way different. | ||
| Are you sure though? | ||
| Yes, because they're now showing side boob like at young ages. | ||
| They didn't do that when they were young. | ||
| Some girls had bodies even back then. | ||
| Like you remember in high school, girls had boobs. | ||
| I mean there was girls that were 15 that had boobs for sure. | ||
| But they were also wearing underwear and not using Hitachis and looking at porn. | ||
| You know, they were... | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Like, when we grew up, these girls were like... | ||
| No, I'm saying they look different physically. | ||
| That's what I'm saying. | ||
| Like, are they more mature early? | ||
| Do they look like women earlier? | ||
| Is that true? | ||
| Or is it just the way they're dressing? | ||
| I am so fucking confused, I can't lie to you, man. | ||
| Listen, when I was 18, I didn't dig 18-year-old women. | ||
| So when I was 27, I didn't dig young women. | ||
| They just make me nervous. | ||
| They make me fidgety. | ||
| Now, I just started getting comfortable. | ||
| The reason why I go in the back and sit by the waitresses is because I always feel embarrassed. | ||
| I want everybody's eye on me. | ||
| I don't want no misunderstandings. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Listen, when I was 20 and I go to a bar and I was snorting and having a good time, I'd see a 30-year-old at the bar, I'd get fucking pissed. | ||
| Like, look at this punk-ass bitch at a bar. | ||
| You're too old, guy. | ||
| Go home. | ||
| You know, never mind a 40 or 50 year old, my blood pressure really goes up. | ||
| When I was like fucking 20, if I saw a 50 year old dancing on a disco, oh, my fucking, why is he here? | ||
| Why? | ||
| Why? | ||
| I couldn't figure it out. | ||
| That stayed with me for the rest of my life. | ||
| So when I got to be 27, I already felt out of place in most places. | ||
| I was like, these people are looking at me like I'm here to do something bad. | ||
| Never mind now. | ||
| And you got these young comics like Joey and they come and hug you and I'm fucking lost. | ||
| I'm like, listen, I can't do it. | ||
| I just feel weird. | ||
| I feel too old at the store. | ||
| I feel old at the store. | ||
| Do you know that? | ||
| Like a shame. | ||
| So I just go. | ||
| That's so weird. | ||
| I sit on the freezer. | ||
| I don't bother nobody. | ||
| But why do you feel like that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I feel that. | |
| Oh my God, because I was opposite that shit when I was 20. Yeah, but it's a different thing now. | ||
| I feel like when you go there, it's just a nice group of people that we all like. | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| We all love. | ||
| The waitstaff, the management, the bartenders, the comics. | ||
| I love those people with all my But why would you feel like you're too old to hang around there? | ||
| Sometimes I'm driving, and the waitresses will come out and go, can you get me right up the hill? | ||
| Because they make the waitresses park all the way up in hell. | ||
| Like by Crest Hill? | ||
| All the way up there. | ||
| And they walk down? | ||
| Yeah, they walk down, and I'll drive the waitresses up the hill with both hands on the street, and we're looking straight ahead. | ||
| When they're like, goodnight, I'm like, goodnight! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Get out of the fucking car! | |
| I don't want no fucking problems! | ||
| You know, but what can you tell a waitress? | ||
| I'm not gonna give you a ride. | ||
| You feel like a fucking idiot, but sometimes I'm like, you're leaving, Joey? | ||
| Can you give me a ride up the hill? | ||
| And you're like, okay. | ||
| And all that stuff, bro, bothers me. | ||
| Like, I can't. | ||
| I just can't. | ||
| Last night, on the way back from fucking Ventura, I can't lie to you, this is Christmas, right? | ||
| I said, maybe there's a strip club. | ||
| I haven't been to a strip club in 20 fucking years with Eddie. | ||
| Last time I went to a strip club was with Eddie, when we went down to Eddie's place. | ||
| What was that? | ||
| 201? | ||
| Yeah, probably. | ||
|
unidentified
|
2000? | |
| Right. | ||
| That's the last time I've been to a strip club. | ||
| I'm a fucking animal of a man. | ||
| I don't even go to strip clubs. | ||
| Last night I said, maybe I should go to a strip club. | ||
| But it was between strip club, hungry, and getting gas. | ||
| I went and got gas, and I went home and had a piece of fucking cheese, and I went to bed, though. | ||
| I'm scared of strip clubs, Joe Rogan. | ||
| Petrified. | ||
| Did I go on a strip club? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Go to Jumbos. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well, hold on. | |
| What are you scared of? | ||
| I don't know, Joe. | ||
| I'm just scared, man. | ||
| Of crazy women at my age. | ||
| I'm scared of crazy fucking women, man. | ||
| Are you scared that you would like them? | ||
| I like everybody. | ||
| I love women. | ||
| When you get to be 50, you look at like 30-year-olds and go, Jesus Christ. | ||
| Just a baby? | ||
| Yeah, that's just a fucking baby. | ||
| She doesn't even know how good that pussy is right now. | ||
| She has no fucking idea. | ||
| You know, it's just so weird. | ||
| So I don't know what a 14-year-old looks like or supposed to look like. | ||
| Well, I don't remember. | ||
| That's the problem. | ||
| I don't accurately remember what they looked like when I was 14 compared to what they look like today. | ||
| I'm pretty sure their bodies were exactly the same. | ||
| We're just seeing more of it. | ||
| Because we're seeing sluts. | ||
| Like, they look like porn stars nowadays, you know, at 14, where that wasn't the case back then. | ||
| It was, you know... | ||
| Yeah, it seems like there's definitely an influence. | ||
| Like the pop culture, like the Nicki Minaj, stick your ass out look, and all the Kim Kardashian stuff. | ||
| No, the young sister. | ||
| The young one. | ||
| Definitely the Kardashians. | ||
| It's the Kardashians. | ||
| Kendall, Kendall, that's the name? | ||
| What has she done that every day she's on my Yahoo page? | ||
|
unidentified
|
She's hot! | |
| Why is she on my Yahoo page every day with some young black skinny kids? | ||
| It's all confusing. | ||
| Now there's Kendall and what's the other one? | ||
| It's all confusing. | ||
| It's all the whole thing. | ||
| There's a gang of them. | ||
| Kylie? | ||
| You know, I was thinking about something though. | ||
| Let me tell you something. | ||
| I ain't mad at the fucking sister no more. | ||
| I ain't mad at that fucking dirty whore. | ||
| I ain't mad at that bitch no more. | ||
| You know what, man? | ||
| She picked a loop, she pitched it. | ||
| I read the article about her fucking hat the other day. | ||
| She was making a million dollars an hour or something like that. | ||
| She broke the apple story. | ||
| I can't be mad at her, man. | ||
| That's the American dream. | ||
| How can I be mad at that? | ||
| How can I be mad at that? | ||
| She found a niche. | ||
| She showed her pussy one time. | ||
| She hasn't showed it anymore. | ||
| It's like she shows her pussy every three weeks. | ||
| She made a tape and she found a window. | ||
| A little fucking window. | ||
| Do I like it? | ||
| Do I want to hang out with her and Kanye fucking North, whatever? | ||
| No! | ||
| I don't want to hang out with those people. | ||
| Well, let's give credit where credit is due, man. | ||
| Well, she's the best ever at reality TV. That family is. | ||
| The best ever at reality TV. They figured out how to corner the market, to lock it down. | ||
| Every scandal makes the show better. | ||
| Like, there's some people that did reality TV and they got pretty famous, like John and Kate Plus 8. Dust in the wind. | ||
| What about the blonde chick that has a black boyfriend and he fucked a transvestite and they got back together. | ||
| She's one of the Hef's girls or something like that. | ||
| There's a bunch of them, but the John and K Plus 8, they were giant. | ||
| There was a giant show. | ||
| It was all over the news, all over the magazines. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| They had artificial insemination, and she had fucking six babies inside of her. | ||
| It was insane. | ||
| Well, they broke up, and they didn't survive the scandal. | ||
| But these people, it doesn't matter what happens. | ||
| It doesn't matter who they marry. | ||
| It doesn't matter who gets divorced. | ||
| It doesn't matter who decides they're a woman. | ||
| It doesn't matter who decides they're a man. | ||
| It doesn't matter. | ||
| Just like the show keeps going. | ||
| They figured out a way that it's the right frequency of editing, of like real relatable drama, and people that are just, you know, they look good. | ||
| And they squeeze it all together in this crazy semi-fake show, where it's not really a reality show. | ||
| You can call it a reality show, but they set up every scenario. | ||
| It's obvious, so it's almost like semi-scripted. | ||
| So there's this weird show, and these people, they're just... | ||
| Famous for being famous. | ||
| She fucking wakes up in the morning and she looks at her thing and she'll ask Kanye, like, who's trending on... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whatever. | |
| Who's trending? | ||
| Ronda Rousey. | ||
| Watch this. | ||
| Bam! | ||
| Within five minutes, she's trending number one. | ||
| She goes to trend number one on Google. | ||
| If you're trending number one on Google, you're selling shit. | ||
| She's selling blouses and hairdos and Armenian dust and eye wax remover and fucking, you know, whatever the fuck. | ||
| Those Armenians have some fucking heavy-duty pussy hair. | ||
| Those Armenians, Middle Eastern chicks, you gotta shave that pussy three times with a double-edged razor and shit. | ||
| She got that Armenian hair, dog. | ||
| Yeah, that's Armenian hair. | ||
| You ain't cutting that with a scissor. | ||
| Good luck. | ||
| How did Stan Hope describe Asian pussy hair? | ||
| Something like rat whiskers? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What did he describe? | |
| I forget how you described it, I'm fucking it up. | ||
| You don't think there's anything that could kill that whole thing? | ||
| I mean, Cosby, you would never have thought something could take down Cosby. | ||
| You think double Cosby could take down Kardashian? | ||
| What does that mean, double Cosby? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What are you saying? | |
| Something that is so bad that could kill the brand. | ||
| What's the worst? | ||
| It's hard. | ||
| You'd have to be like, double what he did is almost like murder. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know? | ||
| I mean, you have to murder someone. | ||
| That's coming, right? | ||
| No, not necessarily. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Why? | |
| They haven't done anything wrong. | ||
| You think of what they've done. | ||
| You could hate the show for sucking. | ||
| You could say it's boring and mindless, but so what? | ||
| So is most shit that's on TV. I've never watched it, actually. | ||
| I think they set up Lamar Odom. | ||
| They sent the bad batch of pussy to Lamar Odom. | ||
| He went in there. | ||
| I think he couldn't handle the pressure. | ||
| Lamar? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Did you ever see him freak out? | ||
| He went after a photographer once? | ||
| His mother-in-law cut his deal. | ||
| And she got Laker tickets, season tickets for the rest of her life. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| That's the deal she cut, though. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| Yeah, it's like... | ||
| It ain't a good show. | ||
| It's not something I want to spend my time watching, but why so mad? | ||
| I've watched it ten times on the road. | ||
| It's on E! And you watch it, and it's not entertaining, and she doesn't amuse me. | ||
| But here's my question. | ||
| Why is it more offensive when something's not entertaining and it's quote-unquote reality, like semi-scripted? | ||
| Why does that bother us, whereas a show where you're making shit up entirely, it's totally scripted and it sucks, doesn't bother you? | ||
| Like, there's a lot of shows that suck. | ||
| There's a lot of, like, hour dramas that are fucking terrible. | ||
| You try to watch and be like, oh my god, what is this shit? | ||
| But it doesn't offend you. | ||
| It doesn't get you angry. | ||
| Like, people see that show, like, all the reality air quotes about it, all the nonsense, and you're like, why is there anybody watching this? | ||
| This is crazy. | ||
| And so they get mad. | ||
| They get mad at that show, but they don't get mad at scripted shows. | ||
| It's very strange. | ||
| Just because those people are being themselves? | ||
| Yeah, but so what? | ||
| And so they're real people. | ||
| I know, sort of, but they're not. | ||
| You know, it's all caricatures. | ||
| Real people doing fake shit. | ||
| Yeah, but it's like... | ||
| Who cares? | ||
| Why do we care? | ||
| But we do. | ||
| We get upset. | ||
| Because they're not doing anything special. | ||
| You go see Cirque du Soleil, and they're doing handstands with one hand, and they've got someone standing on their feet doing a handstand on this guy, and there's like three people, and they're stacked, and they all look shredded like superheroes. | ||
| Like, holy shit! | ||
| You watch them flip through the air and catch each other and do all that crazy shit. | ||
| It's undeniable that they put a crazy amount of work into achieving this. | ||
| When you watch these people just be themselves and make more money than anybody who's ever lived. | ||
| Yeah, people don't seem to care anymore. | ||
| Like, I mean, look at the, you have all the YouTube stars. | ||
| They're like just mindless people talking that half of the time they don't have any talent. | ||
| They're just like pretty much rehashing people's jokes or ideas and thoughts and making tons of money. | ||
| And YouTube's, you know, branding them as their YouTube stars. | ||
| But that's really popular, and that's kind of like a Kardashian. | ||
| It's fake shit. | ||
| People doing fake shit. | ||
| Now, how long has that show been on TV? It's been on forever. | ||
| It's been on forever. | ||
| They're going to go back in the history, and they're going to find out that it was never not on the air. | ||
| It was actually like they used to do it by fire. | ||
| They did shadow shows back in the fucking 1600s. | ||
| What did she make a year? | ||
| Who knows? | ||
| Hundreds of millions of dollars, probably. | ||
| Jamie, what did she make a year? | ||
| Jamie knows for sure. | ||
| But my point is that, like, I think it's a demonic show, and it's probably been here since the beginning of time, and we just pretend. | ||
| We get sucked into a trance. | ||
| Like, it just started, like, a few years ago, right? | ||
| We don't remember. | ||
| It's one of those, like, Twilight Zone episodes. | ||
| We'll realize one day, it's always been here, boy. | ||
| That show's always been here. | ||
| You start remembering yourself as a child, waking up, looking out of your crib, and keeping up with the Kardashians is on TV, and it doesn't even make any sense, because it's from a totally different era, but you remember it throughout your whole life, when no one was around, keeping up with the Kardashians was on some fucking strange phantom channel out there. | ||
| You just had to figure out how to tune it in. | ||
| It's always been there. | ||
| It seems like that, doesn't it? | ||
| No. | ||
| No, I'm high as fuck. | ||
| I can't believe that even the guy with the fucking... | ||
| Bam! | ||
| 52 million. | ||
| Jesus Christ, that's a lot of money. | ||
| She looks odd. | ||
| Oh yeah, dog. | ||
| She's done. | ||
| She's done. | ||
| That is... | ||
| She's plastic surgeon herself all the way. | ||
| Something's going on. | ||
| You look different. | ||
| She still looks beautiful. | ||
| She's still beautiful. | ||
| A gorgeous woman. | ||
| No doubt about it, right? | ||
| She's goddamn beautiful. | ||
| Look at her face. | ||
| Beautiful, classic face structure. | ||
| Beautiful lips. | ||
| Beautiful eyes. | ||
| But she looks odd. | ||
| Can we see some butt pics, though? | ||
| Let's just stop. | ||
| We don't need to stare at this poor girl. | ||
| You know, I was telling you... | ||
| But why is it so offensive? | ||
| It is, though. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What's offensive? | |
| It is to a lot of people. | ||
| But she doesn't do anything wrong. | ||
| No. | ||
| She's nuts. | ||
| She's like... | ||
| I say a hundred times more stupid shit than she does. | ||
| She seems like a nice person. | ||
| Kanye's awesome. | ||
| I like Kanye. | ||
| He says some stupid shit, but who... | ||
| What fucking super talented young uber celebrity doesn't say stupid shit? | ||
| I mean, that guy's driven like... | ||
| He's like... | ||
| There's certain, like, types of driven. | ||
| That's like superstar type driven. | ||
| That's what that guy is. | ||
| He's got that superstar-type drive. | ||
| Those guys, they always have problems with people. | ||
| They're always mad at someone. | ||
| They're always mad at the press, mad at this guy or that guy. | ||
| They're just these bundles of fury and inspiration and ideas, and they just don't always manage it correctly. | ||
| That's why he came out with that song about assholes and douchebags. | ||
| Remember that song that he came out with after he did the Taylor Swift thing? | ||
| Let's hear it for the assholes. | ||
| Jamie knows it. | ||
| It's his phone ring. | ||
| If you call him right now, we'll hear it. | ||
| Do you know, if I tell you guys something? | ||
| I don't know one Kanye song. | ||
| Oh yeah, you do. | ||
| Gold Digger? | ||
| You know that Gold Digger song? | ||
| Yeah, that one I know. | ||
| That's a badass chap. | ||
| Jamie Kennedy? | ||
| What's his name? | ||
| No. | ||
| Jamie Foxx. | ||
| Jamie Foxx. | ||
| That's a great fucking song. | ||
| I know that one, but nothing else. | ||
| Like Black Jesus. | ||
| Oh, let me tell you this before I forget. | ||
| Jamie Foxx. | ||
| You have to listen to Jamie Foxx on the Tim Ferriss podcast. | ||
| Holy shit, Tim Ferriss got together with Jamie Foxx and did some epic, crazy long podcasts where Jamie Foxx breaks down his showbiz experiences. | ||
| It's fucking amazing. | ||
| Jamie Foxx is one of the baddest motherfuckers of all time. | ||
| When you hear just how he organizes parties, he would get to parties, he goes, you know what, how we do it, we just do it, we just, everybody's cool. | ||
| That's all I want. | ||
| No assholes. | ||
| No one's a dick. | ||
| I call people up. | ||
| No haters. | ||
| Everybody's cool. | ||
| You're cool. | ||
| He's cool. | ||
| Everybody's cool. | ||
| We get some bomb-ass bitches. | ||
| We get some girls that are hot, but they're not stuck up. | ||
| They're friendly and not too slutty. | ||
| Just right there. | ||
| The perfect mix. | ||
| And you get this perfect mix. | ||
| And he's talking about all these artists that he has come over. | ||
| And he had Kanye West come over. | ||
| And he asked Kanye West to freestyle. | ||
| And Kanye West freestyled in front of everybody. | ||
| And all these other guys. | ||
| Like, man, I've been hearing about you. | ||
| He's talking about all these different, like... | ||
| At the time, up-and-coming people like Drake, who became these big, huge superstars. | ||
| It's a fucking amazing podcast. | ||
| I've always thought Jamie Foxx is insanely talented. | ||
| If you see the way he sings, if you see the way he acts, like that Ray Charles movie, God damn. | ||
| He stole it. | ||
| Goddamn, he's good. | ||
| He's amazing, right? | ||
| And on top of that, he's a stand-up comic. | ||
| But when you hear him talk, you realize, oh, dude, this guy is a master at life. | ||
| He's figured out how to live life. | ||
| Did you watch his Inside the Actor's Studio? | ||
| No. | ||
| No, I want to hear it though. | ||
| About his grandmother. | ||
| His grandmother raised him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| So his grandmother used to make him play the piano every day. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| And his grandmother just, he took every big movie experience that he had and related it to his grandmother. | ||
| The football movie, his grandmother fucking raised him right. | ||
| But the piano one was the story, but the music and how he got Ray Charles. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because his grandmother used to make him play the piano. | ||
| Just, you know, and then this thing at the store, he changed his name to Jamie Foxx. | ||
| So they thought he was a girl. | ||
| Yeah, when he signed up at the Laugh Factory, changed his name to Jamie Foxx, because the girls got on stage more than guys did, because there wasn't that many of them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's hilarious. | |
| You know, so, yeah, smart. | ||
| You see these guys, and they come and go, and I read them. | ||
| I can't stand when I see these people that are shams, and all of a sudden, they're part of this social thing, and they're fucking terrible. | ||
| But then you get some guy like him that put the work in. | ||
| I heard that when he was on Unliving Color, he still couldn't get an agent. | ||
| When he was doing that fucking shake and whatever, he couldn't get an agent. | ||
| Like, nobody would represent him, shit like that. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| That's fucking crazy to me. | ||
| But, you know what, man? | ||
| Cream always rises to the top. | ||
| He would play a drag queen, right? | ||
| Yeah, he would play that, whatever it matters. | ||
| Was it a drag queen or is it a woman who was playing? | ||
| Shanay-Nay? | ||
| Shanay-Nay, something like that. | ||
| Was it a drag queen or a woman? | ||
| What's that? | ||
| My name is Martin Lawrence, but... | ||
| Oh, okay, you're right. | ||
| You're right. | ||
| LaFonda, I think. | ||
| LaFonda. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| Was it supposed to be a woman? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| I think so. | ||
| Just implied. | ||
| Bro, he was great. | ||
| Open to interpretation. | ||
| Bro, he's great in that movie with Tom Cruise. | ||
| He's great in everything. | ||
| That movie with Tom Cruise to me. | ||
| Isn't he doing a Mike Tyson movie right now? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Is he? | ||
| Have you ever dressed up as a woman, Joe? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| Really? | ||
| For sure. | ||
| Yeah, I did it in a public access show on TV in 1988. We were like open micers. | ||
| Me and this dude, Todd Parker, and a couple other guys. | ||
| It's like Larry, Larry Raspucci. | ||
| When we first started out doing stand-up, we were all open micers together. | ||
| And there he is. | ||
| Wanda. | ||
| Wanda the massage therapist. | ||
| The lips, it's hilarious. | ||
| Jamie Foxx is a bad motherfucker, dude. | ||
| Anyway, we did this, um, we found out that you could get, like, time on cable access shows. | ||
| They just, like, let you use cable access and you could make your own television show. | ||
| So we put together these horrible sketches. | ||
| And in one of them, I played a woman. | ||
| I had a dress on and a wig. | ||
| I forget what the fucking sketch was, but I had to come in and sweep the guy off his feet and run away with him. | ||
| It was so stupid. | ||
| Like, I don't remember what it was, but I wore a dress then. | ||
| I fucking hate it. | ||
| I have a picture of you, Joey, dressed up as a woman. | ||
| I fucking always hate it. | ||
| My girls have dressed me up like a girl before. | ||
| I've never done it. | ||
| I'm scared. | ||
| Don't be scared. | ||
| You might make a hot chick. | ||
| You might look at yourself in the mirror and go, maybe I should just fucking run with this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like Eddie Izzard. | |
| You don't even have to address it. | ||
| Like Eddie Izzard, he'd go on stage dressed up like a woman and not say a word. | ||
| Yeah, I might be too hot. | ||
| No, I can't. | ||
| I can't dress up like a woman that bothers my core. | ||
| I'm too Spanish. | ||
| Yeah, it drives me fucking nuts. | ||
| I never got the joke. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Machismo. | |
| I never got the joke. | ||
| Like, after I see you with the dress on, okay, now I gotta stand like this, like a fucking asshole. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| It's like if you go to a football game with a jersey on, and your team loses. | ||
| You gotta get back on the train with that stupid fucking shirt on. | ||
| That's a long train ride home, you dumb fuck. | ||
| I've always been one of those guys. | ||
| I ain't wearing no jersey, you jack-off. | ||
| Your team loses. | ||
| There you are on the train like a fucking Momo there. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| I can't commit. | ||
| I ain't got that type of fucking commitment. | ||
| Fuck you. | ||
| I can't do it. | ||
| That's why the dress thing, like I've been to shows and we wanted you to dress up like a dog. | ||
| It's not going to work. | ||
| Who was it? | ||
| Was it Dave Chappelle that was saying that there's a certain thing that happens to black people? | ||
| Like black comedians, black actors, they get to a certain level of popularity and then they start putting them in movies where they make them wear dresses. | ||
| And it's so true. | ||
| Once he said it, I started looking into it. | ||
| There's two Wong Fu, Julie Newmar, right, where Wesley Snipes, shredded, is a chick. | ||
| He's fucking yoked and shredded. | ||
| He's a chick, right? | ||
| There's a gang of those movies. | ||
| The Martin Lawrence movies, Eddie Murphy played his mom, right? | ||
| What did he play, his grandma? | ||
| Yeah, he played all of them. | ||
| He's played all of them, right? | ||
| He's played women. | ||
| He's done women before. | ||
| And it just goes back through, like, television history. | ||
| They would take, like, famous black comedians and they would make them play women. | ||
| They would play women in movies. | ||
| There's Wesley Snipes. | ||
| And what's his face? | ||
| The dude on the left? | ||
| And Patrick Swayze. | ||
| John Leguizamo and Patrick Swayze. | ||
| Powerful Patrick Swayze. | ||
| I caught a movie I forgot all about the other day. | ||
| By mistake, I caught it. | ||
| How fucking good is that movie? | ||
| A movie called Revenge. | ||
| With Anthony Quinn and the fucking bodyguard. | ||
| What's his name? | ||
| Kevin Costner. | ||
| Oh, I remember that movie. | ||
| And that beautiful woman. | ||
| Who's that woman? | ||
| The crazy one. | ||
| The crazy one that he cheated on. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And then fucking Martin Quinn put a fucking beating on him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Go to revenge. | ||
| The beating that Anthony Quinn puts on. | ||
| What's his fucking name? | ||
| That's a good movie. | ||
| That Anthony Quinn gets out of the hospital. | ||
| What's his name? | ||
| Gets out of the hospital. | ||
| He teams up with Leguizamo. | ||
| And he makes her a hooker. | ||
| Remember, he cuts her face. | ||
| He goes, you want to get fucked? | ||
| I'm going to send you to a place where you get fucked every day. | ||
| And he fucking slices her face, and they throw her to the hooker house, and they just come in, drug her, and fuck her all day long. | ||
| And then fucking what's-his-name has to come and save her. | ||
| I forgot all about that fucking movie. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I remember that. | |
| Look at Anthony Quinn, how badass he was at 70. He was still spitting out kids in Mexico at 70. What's her name? | ||
| I forget the girl. | ||
| But now the dude's beating up Kevin Costner. | ||
| Stowe! | ||
| Madeline Stowe! | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| It was Madeline Stowe. | ||
| They beat the shit out of Kevin Costner. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ugh. | |
| It's a dark movie. | ||
| This is a really fucked up movie. | ||
| And Anthony Quinn, dog, you know, his shit, that motherfucker was a real actor. | ||
| That dude was a Mexican that played everything. | ||
|
unidentified
|
a cowboy a gangster yeah whoo It's a good movie, though. | |
| Anthony Quinn did a lot of good movies. | ||
| Anthony Quinn did 110 across 110th Street. | ||
| He did something about pool. | ||
| Didn't he play a pool in somebody? | ||
| He played somebody. | ||
| Oh, no, no, no, no. | ||
| Who was the old guy in The Hustler? | ||
| Jackie Gleason? | ||
| No, the other guy. | ||
| The guy that was running the game. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| Badass motherfucker. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| George C. Scott. | ||
| George C. Scott. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| George C. Scott was Burt. | ||
| George C. Scott, this fucking guy, these guys were savages. | ||
| You know what I watched? | ||
| I watched a movie with George C. Scott where his daughter's a runaway and she becomes a stripper and he has to find her. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Remember that movie? | |
| She was a porn star, right? | ||
| She was a porn star and I've been watching some fucked up shit lately on the road. | ||
| On the road, you bump into some good fucking movies. | ||
| Hardcore. | ||
| Remember? | ||
| That's what it was called. | ||
| The George C. Scott movie? | ||
| Hardcore? | ||
| Hot Spell? | ||
| What is that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Anthony Quinn playing pool. | |
| Oh, really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Huh. | |
| Never heard of it. | ||
| He was a pool hustler? | ||
| It comes up on Wikipedia. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| Oh, just maybe a scene where he plays pool? | ||
| Huh. | ||
| Pool was just a giant pastime back then. | ||
| You know, at the turn of the century, there's a thousand pool halls in New York City. | ||
| In the 19th century, like, between, like, 1900? | ||
| From the 18th century? | ||
| What the heck, yeah. | ||
| A thousand fucking pool halls in New York City. | ||
| From the 19th to the 20th. | ||
| When it turned to the 1900s, the beginning of the century, apparently there was a thousand pool halls. | ||
| It was so common. | ||
| Like, everybody played pool. | ||
| There was no TV, right? | ||
| There's no, I mean, live music? | ||
| You can go see live music. | ||
| There's no records. | ||
| Did they even have records? | ||
| I mean, I guess they had phonographs. | ||
| Maybe a few people had them. | ||
| But bachelors, especially, like young men, would go and they would hang out at these pool halls. | ||
| It was like, that was the lifestyle choice for the men who didn't go for the married with kids thing. | ||
| We didn't go for the marriage. | ||
| There's, like, these people that felt like they were on the outside. | ||
| And they would all get together in these pool halls, and they would just do what men wanted to really do. | ||
| They wanted to hang out late and drink and gamble and do drugs and play cards. | ||
| And that's what these places always were for these guys. | ||
| It's like a refuge from the regular life. | ||
| Like, you can exist. | ||
| It might not be as profitable, but at least it'll be fun. | ||
| So they all just got together. | ||
| And it was like the bachelor lifestyle of the early 20th century. | ||
| Before I forget, I gotta ask you something. | ||
| Are you covering next week's fight or no? | ||
| Which one's next? | ||
| No. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Vegas. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, the one the second? | ||
| Robbie Lawler? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Fuck yeah. | ||
| Oh, I didn't think, because I asked you if you were doing a show and you were like, no. | ||
| No, I'm not doing a show. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Not doing a comedy show. | ||
| I can't do the Cot Theater that much. | ||
| It's a giant place. | ||
| I just, we just sold it out like two weeks ago. | ||
| I gotta take time off. | ||
| That's why I asked you. | ||
| I didn't even know. | ||
| You never even mentioned that. | ||
| They want to do it all the time, but I don't think... | ||
| A lot of the people are transient, but a lot of these people are the same people that keep coming over and over again. | ||
| Vegas is such a hot spot now for stand-up. | ||
| For fights, rather. | ||
| People coming from everywhere. | ||
| So I feel like I gotta come up with at least some new material. | ||
| No, I didn't know for sure if you were even going. | ||
| Because when I asked you, you didn't sound too enthusiastic about us. | ||
| I'm like, maybe he's not even going to the fight. | ||
| And I'm not hearing much about it online. | ||
| If you didn't talk to me about the fight, if you didn't think I was enthusiastic about the fight. | ||
| Who else is on the card? | ||
| I'll tell you right now. | ||
| It's a good card. | ||
| But the big fight, of course, is Carlos Condit versus Robbie Lawler. | ||
| And one of the things that makes that fight so interesting is that Robbie Lawler is not known to take people down. | ||
| It's like he's taken out so few people in his life. | ||
| I can't think of a single submission that he's attempted. | ||
| I mean, I'm sure he has attempted a submission. | ||
| I just can't recall one. | ||
| Because all Robbie Lawler's fights is Robbie Lawler trying to knock you into another dimension. | ||
| That's how the fights go. | ||
| The fights go ding. | ||
| Here he comes. | ||
| Good luck. | ||
| You know, but the difference between Robbie and all the guys that Carlos has had problems with in the past is that those guys kept taking Carlos down. | ||
| Now, I don't know if Robbie will incorporate that kind of strategy just because he knows it's been effective in the past. | ||
| GSP had good effect with it. | ||
| Johnny Hendricks had a good result with it. | ||
| And the guys who managed to take Carlos down and smother him, those are guys who have some pretty good success. | ||
| Robbie Lawler has good success just smashing. | ||
| He's just a fucking awesome striking machine. | ||
| And such a tough guy. | ||
| His mentality, like the bulldog in him, is 100%. | ||
| That guy has zero quit. | ||
| But neither does Condit. | ||
| Condit's got a little bit more sneaky ways to win. | ||
| Like, he's really good at submissions. | ||
| Very good off of his back. | ||
| Very good at capitalizing on moments. | ||
| And he also, he can kickbox too. | ||
| And he's real slick. | ||
| He throws all kinds of crazy shit. | ||
| Step in elbows. | ||
| He does a lot of shit that you don't predict. | ||
| Fucking flying knees last time. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| He's a bad motherfucker. | ||
| I mean, I love Ruth. | ||
| I'm not saying that Carlos Condon's gonna win, but I tell you what I like the most about Carlos Condon and his corner. | ||
| I don't really know who Robbie's trainers are down on ATT, but they have an excellent game plan. | ||
| When you fight for Winkle John, whatever, you go in there with such a great, and I didn't see it till the Holly Holm fight. | ||
| That's when I learned what game plan is to the Holly Holm fight. | ||
| Then I put together John Jones fights, and I basically thought the most about him against Diaz, how he fought Diaz. | ||
| They always have a great game plan, Winkle John Smith, and it's how good you stick to it. | ||
| And against Diaz, this motherfucker stuck to it. | ||
| That's why he snuck out that victory. | ||
| You know, if he sticks to the game plan, whatever, they always have a great game plan, and they review it and review it and review it and review it and review it. | ||
| That's why Holly Holm did what she did. | ||
| Even when Ronda went for shit on her that she would usually get, they knew her instincts, they knew what, uh, I forget what that word is, they knew what she was gonna do, and they worked it and drilled it and drilled it. | ||
| She kept her hips low, all those little things, I really don't know. | ||
| I just saw, uh, the guy from George St. Pierre's camp break down the video. | ||
| And I thought about it. | ||
| And I go, you know why she did that? | ||
| Because they went over it. | ||
| And they had a game plan. | ||
| And they knew what her tendency was going to be. | ||
| And they worked on the anti-tendency. | ||
| And I thought back to his fight. | ||
| And I thought back to, like, maybe three of fucking John Jones fights. | ||
| And I said, that's what I like about that camp. | ||
| I've always liked that. | ||
| That they really... | ||
| And that's why I'm not saying I like him, but I'm saying in this particular fight, I'm just saying that. | ||
| It's a very competitive fight. | ||
| It's a great fight. | ||
| No, no, no, no. | ||
| It's a very competitive fight. | ||
| I would think the real questions are, is Robbie going to follow that game plan, or is he going to try to take Carlos down? | ||
| If he decides to try to take Carlos down just to fuck with him, just to mix it up, it could be very interesting. | ||
| If they both just stand up, it's going to be chaos. | ||
| It'll be a crazy war. | ||
| Ooh, our loss. | ||
| Give me old shit. | ||
| Jesus fucking Christ. | ||
| Both guys have crazy power, but I wonder who's going to try to do something sneaky. | ||
| Because Robbie's not a sneaky fighter. | ||
| He's super skillful, very tough, just aggressive, but you know what's coming. | ||
| Whereas guys will mix things up and do things different. | ||
| George St. Pierre is a perfect example. | ||
| He always had, like, a game plan. | ||
| He was always real sneaky at mixing things up. | ||
| It was one of the most effective aspects of his game. | ||
| He didn't know if he was going to take you down or stand with you. | ||
| So you're always tense and always worried about what's coming. | ||
| And then he would shoot and you'd be on your back and you'd be eating elbow sandwiches. | ||
| So Robbie's not like that. | ||
| Robbie's like a straightforward, come towards you, smart, smart with his movement and his angles, very hard to take down, but determined to stand and smash you. | ||
| So Carlos won't have to worry. | ||
| And he fucking hits hard, dawg. | ||
| Fucking it's real hard. | ||
| He fucking hits like a truck, dog. | ||
| So that's the other thing. | ||
| Yeah, that's a big part. | ||
| Well, he's got so much confidence in his power. | ||
| You know, if you watch that fight with Melvin Manhoof, he's getting his ass kicked, okay? | ||
| Melvin Manhoof is kicking the shit out of his legs. | ||
| And Robbie Lawler uncorks with a fucking bomb. | ||
| One punch, one haymaker on the jaw. | ||
| And Melvin's whole body just stiffens up like he got tasered. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Just... | |
| He falls to the ground and Robbie smashes him again when he's down, and it's just one of the most brutal one-shot knockout power, not power punches, in all of MMA. And he's always trying to do that. | ||
| Every punch he's trying to do that. | ||
| He's just trying to knock you in another dimension. | ||
| And he knows he can do it. | ||
| He's just got to hit you just right. | ||
| And Condit can do it, too, man. | ||
| Condit knocks dudes dead. | ||
| You watch that Dan Hardy fight? | ||
| He caught Dan with that nasty left hook. | ||
| Or the stun gun fight, that flying knee to the face. | ||
| Or the Tiago Alves fight, he smashed him with that step-in elbow. | ||
| He's real tricky. | ||
| He's got a bunch of different ways to win. | ||
| He's tall, he's long, and he's real good off of his back. | ||
| Real sneaky off of his back. | ||
| Real good at attacking when he goes to the ground. | ||
| He's caught guys in arm bars and triangles. | ||
| He's no joke, man. | ||
| He's no joke. | ||
| It's an interesting fight. | ||
| It's real interesting if Robby decides to just only stand with him, because if Carlo doesn't have to worry about the takedown as much, you get to see a lot more looseness to his striking game. | ||
| It's going to be a nutty fight, man. | ||
| I want to ask you something, Melzi. | ||
| Are you going to go see this movie, Concussion? | ||
| Fuck yeah. | ||
| You really want to see it? | ||
| I think I'm going to see it, too. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck yeah. | |
| I want to see it. | ||
| You know where the big fight on that card is? | ||
| Here's a fight that no one's talking about. | ||
| Lorenz Larkin versus Albert Tumanov. | ||
| Dude, are you fucking kidding me? | ||
| These guys are killers. | ||
| This is probably, like, one of the most underrated fights in the 170-pound division right now. | ||
| This is a fight that everybody should be talking about. | ||
| And if these guys had had, like, more, like, on-air fights, like, especially Larkin at 170, and Tumanoff just fought Arbor Alan Joban and just starched him. | ||
| He is nasty. | ||
| His fucking striking is so fluid and loose. | ||
| His boxing, his hands, and Larkin is a beast too. | ||
| That's a sick fight. | ||
| It's a really good fight. | ||
| That's a fight that people should be talking about, like a lot of people should be talking about this right now. | ||
| And for whatever reason, it's just flown totally under the radar. | ||
| Like, I almost forgot it was even on the card. | ||
| I gotta be honest with you, this card is flown under the radar. | ||
| It's a good card. | ||
| It's a great card, but nobody's really... | ||
| I think the holidays, they're confused. | ||
| I don't know what it is. | ||
| Nobody's really saying, well, this is the fight for me. | ||
| Here's another good fight. | ||
| Brandao and Ortega. | ||
| Ortega is a Gracie Jiu-Jitsu black belt, and he's coming off a suspension for the PED. For what? | ||
| He had a little bit of the steroids in the system. | ||
| Gave him a little suspension. | ||
| This McDonald kind of matter. | ||
| Is this Roy McDonald? | ||
| Michael McDonald. | ||
| Oh, Michael McDonald returns. | ||
| That's exciting. | ||
| He's been off for a long time. | ||
| That kid's been off for more than a year, I believe. | ||
| He's fucking good. | ||
| That kid's good. | ||
| He's got nasty power in his hands, too, and he looks like a small, slightly built guy, but my God, he hits hard. | ||
| But that Diego Brandao and Brian Ortega fight, that's a good fight. | ||
| That should be a real good fight. | ||
| I don't know why Ortega was doing anything. | ||
| I mean, he might have had injuries trying to recover from. | ||
| So a lot of these guys, they get caught with steroids. | ||
| And what it is is... | ||
| Well, a lot of these guys are just doing steroids. | ||
| But some of these guys, they get injured, and they're trying to get back in there, so they take a chance. | ||
| They just, I hope I don't get tested. | ||
| I'm going to try this for six weeks. | ||
| It'll be out of my system in six weeks, but it'll ramp up my recovery by 30% or more. | ||
| And so they take the chance. | ||
| I'm not giving him any excuses. | ||
| I don't know if that was the case with him, but I just want to say with some people, that is definitely the case. | ||
| Steroids are real tricky, man. | ||
| Because for the longest time, they've just been able to use them whenever anything was injured. | ||
| You know, either you used it all the time, like some guys certainly did, or you used it when you had injuries, which is like a very reasonable approach. | ||
| But, you know, we're just fine. | ||
| You know, Glace and Tebow just failed two tests. | ||
| Yeah, one for, I don't know what it was, but one was for EPO. And if you look at Gleason Tebow, that guy might have the second best body in the UFC next to fucking, next to Yoel Romero. | ||
| Like, Gleason Tebow is ridiculously shredded, you know? | ||
| It's just that there's a culture of people using banned substances. | ||
| They've been doing it for a long time, I think. | ||
| These guys that UFC hired, they're not fucking around. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| They're not fucking around. | ||
| They're going to wake you up at 6.30 in the morning. | ||
| Pee in the cup, Joey Diaz. | ||
| Like, what? | ||
| Pee now? | ||
| I can't. | ||
| Sure you can. | ||
| We'll wait. | ||
| They don't leave your side. | ||
| They stay with you. | ||
| They watch you pee. | ||
| They collect your shit. | ||
| They do it a couple times. | ||
| They do it randomly. | ||
| They show up whenever they want. | ||
| If they have suspicions, like if Novitski suspects something's wrong, he thinks you're cheating, they'll just be up your ass with a microscope. | ||
| So, are they testing you in competition mode or off-season? | ||
| They're doing everything. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They're doing everything. | |
| I'm not fighting until October. | ||
| Doesn't matter. | ||
| Right now, I'm just a coach. | ||
| They just might show up. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Well, that's what happened with Vanderlei. | ||
| Vanderlei did not have a fight scheduled, and they just showed up to test him. | ||
| And he was like, what? | ||
| He just ran out the door. | ||
| Vandalay has become Trump. | ||
| Vandalay has become Donald Trump of Brazil. | ||
| He just says, who's he want to smack in the face yesterday? | ||
| Conor. | ||
| Yeah, yesterday. | ||
| Conor said he would whoop Jesus' ass. | ||
| Conor McGregor is so crazy. | ||
| Every fucking month he says one thing. | ||
| I feel terrible for Vandalay. | ||
| I'm very conflicted about this. | ||
| I feel terrible for Vanderlei because I was a Vanderlei Silva fan my whole life. | ||
| I think if I had to pick one fighter that I'm like my most favorite guy to watch fight, it might be Vanderlei. | ||
| It's real close. | ||
| In his pride days, he was just a fucking awesome spectacle. | ||
| He was amazing. | ||
| And when they banned him for life, I think that broke his heart. | ||
| And when the UFC couldn't do anything about it because it's the Nevada State Athletic Commission, he's got a fight in court, so he feels abandoned. | ||
| I don't know what the position is. | ||
| Everybody's position that I know as far as, like, trainers, commentators, fighters, everyone across the board was like, that's outrageous. | ||
| The guy didn't even fail. | ||
| He didn't even fail a drug test. | ||
| You're going to ban him for life? | ||
| That's so crazy. | ||
| And by all accounts, Vanderlei is one of the nicest guys ever. | ||
| Every time I met him, he's super friendly. | ||
| I don't know if the guy was doing something. | ||
| What I do know is there's a penalty if he got caught. | ||
| That penalty at the time was only like nine months. | ||
| I'm like, how are you going to take a guy that if he did get caught, he'd get a nine-month penalty, and you're saying forever? | ||
| You can't ever make money? | ||
| That's cruel. | ||
| That's a cruel way of conducting business. | ||
| You don't care about this guy. | ||
| This guy's a legend. | ||
| This sport, like the reason why people come and pay all that money and go to see fights and use their credit cards and buy beer and the whole revenue of the town, it's because of the product. | ||
| And that product is fighting. | ||
| And out of those fighters, Verdele was one of the most loved and one of the most, like, respected and revered fighters. | ||
| So people would come to see him. | ||
| Like, his very presence would generate income. | ||
| And for them to just not even take into account that this guy was a legend and just never failed before, ever. | ||
| Never failed a single drug test. | ||
| And then all of a sudden they cut his career out from under him. | ||
| He lost his mind, I think. | ||
| He made them nervous. | ||
| He made people nervous. | ||
| You know, he was just making people nervous, I think. | ||
| And he was saying shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| He didn't do that until after he got banned. | ||
| He was a company man. | ||
| Vandele was a company man. | ||
| He always supported the UFC. Didn't something happen during the taping of that show? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What do you mean? | |
| Didn't he do something? | ||
| Did he coach somebody? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's how it all... | ||
| During that, he was a little... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| What happened? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| Didn't he do, like, Ultimate Fighter? | ||
| I think so. | ||
| Where he coached somebody. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And during that, he was having moments. | ||
| I met him. | ||
| I think he's fucking great. | ||
| You know, I watched all the old footage. | ||
| The fights he was involved in were fucking great. | ||
| But, you know, now, when I read that yesterday, I'm like, you know, Dana White's sitting there going, Yeah. | ||
| If I was Dana White, I'd sleep with one eye open, too. | ||
| Because Vandalay Silver, you never know with that motherfucker. | ||
| You never know. | ||
| No, you never know. | ||
| You ever watched the Pink Panther? | ||
| He told Kato to attack him no matter what. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He used to tell Kato, I want you to attack me no matter what, attack me. | ||
| And he would come home and look around Kato, and he would go into every room, and then he would fucking, he would Kato it for 15 minutes and shit, and then he'd go, huh. | ||
| And then he'd have a bag of groceries, he'd put the groceries down, he'd open up the refrigerator, and Cato would come out of the refrigerator, and grab him and shit. | ||
| Same thing with Vandelay Silver. | ||
| Like, there was a report on The Wire. | ||
| Vandelay Silver's in Las Vegas. | ||
| And nobody could find it. | ||
| They're looking for Vandelay Silver. | ||
| And all of a sudden, they're, like, waiting there. | ||
| Dana's got his bodyguard, another guy. | ||
| Everybody's got bodyguards. | ||
| And all of a sudden, right during the fight, you see a fucking rope come down with Anderson. | ||
| Vandelay. | ||
| With Vandelay. | ||
| I told you, I killed you! | ||
| You know, I could say... | ||
| That's the shit. | ||
| He makes people nervous. | ||
| And he's real. | ||
| He starts swinging, somebody's dying. | ||
| He was with Chael Sonnen, that's what it was. | ||
| Chael Sonnen, they had a real problem with that. | ||
| Oh yeah, they had a real problem with that. | ||
| Well, a lot of Brazilians got upset with him too. | ||
| With all the... | ||
| Bizarre heel turn on Toph offers cautionary tale to veteran fighters. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| He got, and I love him. | ||
| He's just real. | ||
| Well, Chael Sonnen just wound him up to the point where he was like ready to fight all the time. | ||
| Right, all the time. | ||
| And Brazilians got upset with him. | ||
| You know, they're like, you're not, you know, you're not representing us right. | ||
| Like you're making us look like we're just thugs ready to fight for no reason. | ||
| But, like, for Vanderlei, he's like, this guy's making it personal. | ||
| He's making it real. | ||
| I want to fucking kill him. | ||
| I want to kick his ass right now. | ||
| Fuck this. | ||
| You know, Vanderlei, like, wanted to, like, stand his ground. | ||
| The whole thing was crazy. | ||
| But Chael Sonnen was hilarious in that. | ||
| Don't touch me. | ||
| Don't touch me. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nope. | |
| Don't get close. | ||
| Like, keeps his hand up to his head and then eventually just decides to take him down. | ||
| What the fuck happens? | ||
| We're out of time, Joey Diaz. | ||
| God damn it. | ||
| It's Christmas Eve, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It is. | |
| It's Christmas Eve. | ||
| Merry Christmas, my brother. | ||
| Who's better than us? | ||
| Nobody. | ||
| Nobody. | ||
| Um, Wilshire Theatre is, uh, Wiltern, brother. | ||
| Is it sold out? | ||
| Sold out. | ||
| Yeah, it's sold out. | ||
| Yeah, it's been sold out for a while. | ||
| There's like, there's a single, or a couple single tickets left, but that's, uh, next week, friends. | ||
| Very excited. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ooh, boy. | |
| Thursday night. | ||
| Yeah, it's gonna be fun. | ||
| A week from today. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| We're excited, too. | ||
| So, Brian, you got some shit going on, too, right? | ||
| Yeah, this Saturday, day after Christmas, me and Tony Hinchcliffe and Ashley Barnhill will be in Austin at the Spider House Ballroom, and then followed by Dallas the following day at Hyenas Comedy Club. | ||
| We're doing Kill Tony, followed by a comedy show in both cities. | ||
| You're using, like, local folks for Kill Tony? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| They sign up a half hour before the show. | ||
| You can go to deathsquad.tv and get the tickets. | ||
| Click on tour dates. | ||
| Nice. | ||
| Nice. | ||
| Joe Diaz, what's going on? | ||
| Anything? | ||
| Anything to tell these people? | ||
| I'm doing a New Year's show with you, and I'm taking a week off like you do just to revitalize myself. | ||
| Revitalize. | ||
| Get that life in order. | ||
| Revitalize. | ||
| And I start to savage that toward January 28th, motherfucker. | ||
| Charlotte, North Carolina. | ||
| And what is the website? | ||
| Website for tickets? | ||
| JoeyDiaz.net. | ||
| Oh, for Charlotte. | ||
| For anything. | ||
| Go JoeyDiaz.net. | ||
| JoeyDiaz.net. | ||
| All right, you fucks. | ||
| Thank you, everybody. | ||
| See you next week. |
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