March 17, 2015 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:59:33
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
|
unidentified
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Trevor Moore, ladies and gentlemen. | |
| Trevor walked in. | ||
| The first thing he said is, I have one of these electronic cigarettes. | ||
| Do you mind if I take a hit off of it? | ||
| And just synchronicity, it was just when Jamie put together this thing that this dude sent me that you could kind of lift weights with. | ||
| That's insane. | ||
| You could fucking kill somebody with this, for sure. | ||
| Because it's like, it's very heavy and there's all these sharp edges for the folks at home that are not watching, they're just listening. | ||
| This is so unnecessary. | ||
| It must weigh, I would say, a pound? | ||
| Maybe two? | ||
| Two pounds, maybe? | ||
| You need like a briefcase for it. | ||
| How much would you say that weighs, if you had a guess? | ||
| Like a pound, maybe? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| More than that, I would feel like. | ||
| Yeah, maybe two pounds. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| This is the heaviest one of these I've ever seen. | ||
| So fucking stupid. | ||
| And so you take, it's tobacco, and you press the button, the bottom has a button, and you take a, it doesn't even look like you're supposed to be sucking on that thing. | ||
| It looks like an exhaust for a very small car. | ||
| I mean, it might as well have, like, if it's gonna be like that, it might as well have, like, a brass knuckles component. | ||
| Yeah, that's right! | ||
| So it could be, like, a self-defense weapon. | ||
| Yeah, like a keyring and, you know, like, right. | ||
| Try getting on that on a fucking plane. | ||
| Like, try telling the people on the plane, ew, this is my vape. | ||
| I'm a part of vape culture, and, uh, I like vaping, so I'm vaping this on a plane. | ||
| Um, a dude came up to me at the improv and was talking to me. | ||
| He had one of those. | ||
| Yours sounds cool. | ||
| Yours has a weird tone to it. | ||
| Yeah, Jamie said it sounded like Darth Vader's voice. | ||
| It's Darth Vader whispering. | ||
| It's a quiet Darth Vader. | ||
| This doesn't really have much of a noise. | ||
| Play mine here. | ||
| Mine is just the sound of breathing. | ||
| And then a giant puff of smoke. | ||
| Yours doesn't have as much smoke either. | ||
| No. | ||
| I think my coils are bad. | ||
| I've got to redo the coils. | ||
| Fucking bad coils, man. | ||
| You know, this started off with those little fake cigarette jammies. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like those blue cigarettes. | ||
| Well, I've been doing this since 2007. You early adopter. | ||
| I know. | ||
| Like, well, if they find out that something's wrong with these, I'm like, toast. | ||
| Like, you know, because it takes like 20 years to actually figure out if something's wrong with something. | ||
| Right, where they go, hey, um, whoa, this is... | ||
| Stop! | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Everybody, hold on. | ||
| But when I started, you had to get them from England. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, you would order it. | ||
| My friend was a comic who was like, you know, I was smoking too much, and he was like, I just quit, I started doing this stuff, and you order it from England, and they would send it in vials of the nicotine liquid, and they had all these gloves that would come with it, and it would say, they had this book that was like, if you get this on your hands, and it absorbs in, it can give you a heart attack. | ||
| Fuck, man! | ||
| So, yeah, I don't know if they were just being, like, you know, overcautious or whatever, but I was like, you know, every time I had to fill it, I was in the bathroom, like, making sure there was people in my house, like, alright, if I get this on my hands, run me to the hospital or something. | ||
| That's so ridiculous! | ||
| That's so ridiculous. | ||
| If you get it on your hand... | ||
| You'll die. | ||
| Well, how potent could that be? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| This stuff, the guy sent me little bottles of this jazz. | ||
| This one says, strawberry custard? | ||
| Yeah, that's the thing now. | ||
| It's all like, it's all fruit flavors. | ||
| Like, I do the, like, pipe tobacco flavored. | ||
| It might say strawberry custom. | ||
| This is a shitty handwriting. | ||
| You're smoking on, uh, Crunchberry. | ||
| Crunchberry? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, what does that say? | ||
| Does that say custom or custard? | ||
| Custard. | ||
| Custard. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Shitty handwriting. | ||
| Strawberry custard. | ||
| You should think someone would print that out. | ||
| This is like the beta. | ||
| This is the test. | ||
| Yeah, I'm not sure about this. | ||
| Well, I like puffing on those little blue cigarettes before I do stand-up. | ||
| Because I feel like it gives you... | ||
| Because I know nicotine... | ||
| It's one of the things I read in Stephen King's book... | ||
| On writing. | ||
| It's a great book. | ||
| Have you ever read it? | ||
| No. | ||
| It's Stephen King's sort of like, I think he calls it a memoir of the craft or something along those lines. | ||
| But it's basically like talking all about his writing habits and just the discipline of writing. | ||
| You know what what you should and shouldn't do and you know how he Started out writing and it's really really inspiring a great book But one of the things in the book he talks about cigarettes and he just thought when he's quit smoking cigarettes It had a an adverse effect on his writing. | ||
| Yeah, like you felt like a synapses didn't fire up as well And I thought that was really interesting So I started reading up on nicotine and nicotine's effect on the brain and it's kind of a bit of a cognitive enhancer You know, it's a bit of a stimulant Well, yeah, and it's one of the things, like, one of the good things about nicotine that they don't really talk about that much is that they think that it staves off Alzheimer's. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| It's like, or there's some sort of correlation between smoking and less likely to get Alzheimer's. | ||
| Maybe the cancer is doing battle with the Alzheimer's. | ||
| Cancer kills you first, so they go to war, and then your body survives because it's a battlefield. | ||
| Or that could be everyone dies before the age where you usually get Alzheimer's. | ||
| Well, have you heard of that? | ||
| They're doing things like they're shooting HIV into cancer and it's killing cancer. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Yeah, there's all these weird, bizarre studies that they're doing now, or tests, where they're injecting, like, tumors and different, you know, really fucked up parts of your body with other diseases. | ||
| And the other diseases are attacking the fucked up parts of your body. | ||
| But then do you have AIDS? Don't worry about AIDS. You've got cancer. | ||
| You're going to die of cancer. | ||
| People live with AIDS. Magic Johnson looks great. | ||
| It's not AIDS. It's HIV. HIV. But does that make you HIV positive? | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| I think it's an inert form of HIV. Allegedly. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Some people don't. | ||
| I mean, if you're going to die of cancer, if you had a choice between pancreatic cancer or HIV, you should take HIV all day. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Because they got that thing pretty nailed down. | ||
| Like, I have a friend who I've known for maybe 20 years. | ||
| And he's been HIV positive for like most of that time. | ||
| And he's great. | ||
| He's fine. | ||
| He's fine. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's normal. | |
| I mean, you see him. | ||
| He's always laughing and there's nothing wrong with him. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| When was the turn for that? | ||
| Was it like... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It's like last 10 years, right? | ||
| Where all of a sudden it's not as, not to say it's not as big of a deal, but like it's a... | ||
| Certainly less of a deal. | ||
| It's certainly less of a death sentence. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't think it's a death sentence at all anymore. | ||
| I mean, it's a testament to science. | ||
| These protease inhibitors and all these different things that they figured out how to stunt the progress of HIV. It's super controversial because there's been a lot of weird correlations between the crushing of the immune system. | ||
| Obviously, everyone's in agreement that HIV or most people are in agreement that HIV causes AIDS, but there's a bunch of people that say, well, it's that, maybe, but there's also this thing about partying. | ||
| That like in the gay community, especially, there's rampant drug abuse. | ||
| And for whatever reason, people don't want to factor that in. | ||
| And there was this guy that I had on the podcast that I think had a faulty connection. | ||
| And he's actually a biologist at the University of Berkeley, University of California, Berkeley. | ||
| His name is Peter Dewsburg. | ||
| And he's super controversial. | ||
| Because he doesn't believe that HIV causes AIDS. He thinks that AIDS is, you know, AIDS being immune deficiency syndrome, acquired immune, acquired immune deficiency syndrome. | ||
| And he believes that it is directly correlated with partying, directly correlated with use of crystal meth, with poppers, amyl nitrate, crushing the immune system. | ||
| No other scientists support him. | ||
| No credible scientists support him. | ||
| So we had him on the podcast. | ||
| He was pretty convincing to an idiot like me. | ||
| Zero medical or biological studying. | ||
| But the more I talk to people who understand... | ||
| No one wanted to debate him, which is really interesting. | ||
| But I think it's kind of like debating a Holocaust denier. | ||
| It's a controversial... | ||
| Yeah, you don't want to... | ||
| You don't even want to give him any credit. | ||
| So he's got tenure at University of California, Berkeley, but he can't get any funding anymore. | ||
| Nobody wants to have anything to do with him. | ||
| Apparently, he's done tremendous work with cancer, but because of this whole HIV-AIDS connection thing, he's kind of blackballed. | ||
| And I was in touch with a lot of scientists after this was over. | ||
| It was really interesting because people got really upset with that podcast, with him on that podcast, and then me giving him a platform. | ||
| And I'm like, look, man, the guy was in Spin Magazine. | ||
| He's written a bunch of articles about this. | ||
| I just wanted to hear what he had to say about it. | ||
| So having him on... | ||
| It was pretty interesting, but I don't think he's right, but I think he has a point in that it's got to have an adverse effect on your body. | ||
| And gay people like to party. | ||
| I mean, it's just a fact. | ||
| And crystal meth use and amyl nitrate use, those are devastating to your immune system. | ||
| So, if you've already got something going on... | ||
| You're more susceptible. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But that doesn't, it doesn't get factored in very often. | ||
| And I think that's where Duesberg, because he kind of brings that up, I think, you know, it kind of gives, the whole thing is a little bit cloudy because of that. | ||
| And because it doesn't get factored in. | ||
| But that shit's super, super bad for your body. | ||
| HIV? No. | ||
| The partying. | ||
| The partying. | ||
| The poppers and crystal meth and all that shit. | ||
| It's just like, you know, gay people don't have kids. | ||
| Or if they do have kids, it's rare. | ||
| They're out there having a good fucking time. | ||
| Just doing meth and banging each other. | ||
| Getting sick. | ||
| I always, I love, like, I hang out on a couple of conspiracy theory boards, just because I'm, like, fascinated by it. | ||
| Like, I just, it's one of my favorite things in the world are these conspiracy theories. | ||
| Like, even ones I don't believe in, I just love them. | ||
| Like, my favorite one ever is, there's a whole bunch of people out there who actually think that Lady Gaga is JonBenet Ramsey. | ||
| Oh, good lord. | ||
| For real? | ||
| Yeah, there's a whole bunch of people that think that. | ||
| And so it's like those things where they put up the pictures where they show the eyes of the same distance across and that kind of thing. | ||
| But there's a whole group of people who don't think Magic Johnson ever had HIV. They think that it was almost a PR campaign to get awareness out. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't believe that, but it's a fascinating conspiracy theory where people are just like, it was a huge problem. | ||
| It was a problem in inner cities, and he was the biggest guy at the time. | ||
| He was kind of like this huge role model, and for somebody like him to come out and say, I have HIV, then it could be like a big kind of get awareness out kind of thing. | ||
| So he conspired? | ||
| I mean, why would he do that? | ||
| Yeah, but it's a conspiracy theory. | ||
| It's so ridiculous. | ||
| Well, he's one of the few guys that was reportedly heterosexual that got it. | ||
| You know, like, did you ever see Sam Kinison's bit? | ||
| Sam Kinison, you hear the crackle, ladies and gentlemen? | ||
| Going in. | ||
| I'll go in, too, in support. | ||
| Solidarity. | ||
| Oh yeah, synapses. | ||
| The, um, fuck, what was I saying? | ||
| Sam Kinison. | ||
| Sam Kinison. | ||
| Sam Kinison had a bit about it, you know, because he made fun of AIDS and they say, Sam, you know, AIDS is a communicable disease. | ||
| Heterosexuals die, too. | ||
| He goes, name one! | ||
| Name one fucking guy! | ||
| It's not our dance! | ||
| But really, there's not that many. | ||
| When I was a kid, and I heard about Magic Johnson getting HIV, I remember thinking, oh my god, everyone's going to have AIDS. And maybe a year or two later, I got health insurance And I had to get an AIDS test. | ||
| And I was fucking terrified. | ||
| Just thinking of all the drunken, poor choices with no condom. | ||
| And oh my goodness, it's going to happen. | ||
| I have AIDS! I'm only 25! | ||
| I have AIDS! Shit! | ||
| And then I didn't have AIDS. So I was super psyched. | ||
| But then I started looking into it. | ||
| It's almost like very, very few heterosexual people that aren't intravenous drug users that get AIDS. Yeah, I mean, I remember when I was a kid, they treated it like it was, you know, you have sex without a condom once you're going to get it. | ||
| It's going to happen. | ||
| It's just inevitable, you know, kind of thing. | ||
| And I think now they're kind of backing off that a little bit, where it's like, well, it's actually not. | ||
| I think it's way more easy for a woman, because obviously the woman takes sperm into her body, and her body absorbs it, or gay men, because in a gay man, even, you're taking it in your ass, and you're not supposed to have cum in your ass. | ||
| What's that? | ||
| It's on? | ||
| Oh, just sitting it down? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| This stupid fucking thing is so heavy. | ||
| There's probably a safety on it. | ||
| Mine has a safety on the bottom. | ||
| There's no safety on this piece of shit. | ||
| Oh my god, it's so hot! | ||
| Oh my god, if I lick that right now, if I tried to suck on it, it would probably burn... | ||
| I can't even set it down. | ||
| I gotta set it down sideways. | ||
| You can't set this... | ||
| For people at home that are listening, which is most people... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Let me see it. | |
| You, um... | ||
| Yeah, the top of it is super hot. | ||
| See, there's a safety right here. | ||
| So you spin that down. | ||
| Oh, no, I'm taking it off. | ||
| That's a lot of safety? | ||
| That's a battery. | ||
| Well, mine has a... | ||
| Yours is better. | ||
| Mine has a thing where you... | ||
| Don't do it like that! | ||
| See, you're doing it again. | ||
| Smoke started coming out of the top. | ||
| This thing, I'm trying to describe it. | ||
| You know what it looks like? | ||
| It looks like a spaceship in a shitty 1990s sci-fi movie. | ||
| That's what it looks like. | ||
| That could be some sort of a spaceship. | ||
| Like, you know. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Fucking horrible. | ||
| AIDS. Where were we? | ||
| Conspiracy theories, AIDS. Yeah, I don't remember what it was. | ||
| I don't remember what we're talking about. | ||
| But the JonBenet thing is interesting. | ||
| When I was living in Colorado, I actually looked at her house, the house that she was killed in. | ||
| I didn't look at it in person, but it was for sale. | ||
| And I was like, wow, what a beautiful house. | ||
| It was pretty reasonable for what it is. | ||
| And they actually changed the street name. | ||
| They changed the street name or changed the address. | ||
| Right. | ||
| One of those. | ||
| And, like, to try to hide the fact that it was the house where JonBenet died. | ||
| But they have to disclose it, don't they? | ||
| They do have to disclose it, and that's the problem. | ||
| They can't fucking sell it. | ||
| Yeah, who's gonna buy that? | ||
| It's a beautiful house. | ||
| It's really nice. | ||
| And it's a nice area of Boulder, but nobody wants that fucking house. | ||
| No. | ||
| It was $10. | ||
| I wouldn't buy it. | ||
| I'd buy it for $10. | ||
| Would you live in it? | ||
| Would you sleep in it? | ||
| Just have raves. | ||
| For a show, for a TV show, like a ghost show. | ||
| It's fucked up, man. | ||
| That whole story. | ||
| I think that whole child pageant thing is one of the most fucked up things. | ||
| When you see little kids with high heels and makeup on, dressed up like they're trying to get laid. | ||
| It's just so crazy. | ||
| It's like, yeah, the worst parenting. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| Weird, man. | ||
| We were in Dallas, and we were doing the improv, and the hotel that we were staying at was the exact same hotel where they were having one of these pageants. | ||
| And we, it was me and I think Duncan and Joey, and we were walking around the hotel going, what? | ||
| What the fuck is this? | ||
| It was all little tiny kids, like five. | ||
| Like, I have a four-year-old and I have a six-year-old, so they were like my kid's age, but they were wearing high heels where they could barely walk, and they were fully dolled up. | ||
| I mean, eyelashes, full makeup, war paint, teased up Texas-style hair, like little dresses. | ||
| I mean, it was disgusting. | ||
| It was disturbing. | ||
| It was really, really weird. | ||
| Just the fact of putting them into a judging scenario at that age. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Kind of like, well, you weren't the best kid. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You got up in front of everyone, but they liked this other kid better than you. | ||
| Yeah, psychologically. | ||
| Rattle that around in your brain for your whole life. | ||
| My daughter was playing softball, or soccer rather, for a while, and her nickname was Bruiser, because my youngest one is like super aggressive. | ||
| She's crazy. | ||
| But she's really like, she's a sweetie, but when it comes to things, she's like, ah! | ||
| She loves like teenage mutant ninja turtles, and she has a superman lunchbox. | ||
| She's probably a lesbian. | ||
| But uh, I love her to death, but she's she's really athletic and so she's only four and so they had her in soccer and She's just scoring goals like crazy. | ||
| This is the game starts. | ||
| Boom. | ||
| She scores the first goal. | ||
| She runs on the ball. | ||
| Boom scores the second goal I mean she's like a little animal and then the other team scored and she started crying and Because the other team was cheering. | ||
| She started crying. | ||
| The family on the other side, the families, were cheering. | ||
| And then she's like, I don't want to play anymore. | ||
| And the coach was like, you got to go back out there and play. | ||
| I'm like, you don't have to play. | ||
| I go, it's just stupid. | ||
| It's a ball going into the net. | ||
| I go, if you're not enjoying it, don't do it. | ||
| I go, but you shouldn't worry about the other team scoring. | ||
| But I knew that she couldn't kind of internalize that. | ||
| So I said, this is no big deal. | ||
| Like, I don't want to make it a big deal. | ||
| Because I think that sports, a lot of times parents, they fuck their kids up because they make, like, winning and losing this, like, huge deal or playing. | ||
| You've got to get out there and you've got to fucking play. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Figure that out when you're older. | ||
| You know, when you're four, you should be having fun. | ||
| You know? | ||
| And the coach was, like, sitting down with her trying to psych her out. | ||
| And the coach is dumb as shit. | ||
| So when she's sitting down, she's giving her this dumb psychology. | ||
| I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa. | ||
| Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. | ||
| Don't teach my kid. | ||
| Come here. | ||
| Honey, it's alright. | ||
| It's no big deal. | ||
|
unidentified
|
She's like, you've got to go out there and you've got to just go out there and get that score back. | |
| Whatever they scored. | ||
| If you feel bad, you've got to go... | ||
| Get out of here. | ||
| No, you don't. | ||
| Just have fun. | ||
| Relax. | ||
| Like, this is just supposed to be fun. | ||
| So the idea that... | ||
| You can take someone that age and then judge them on their looks. | ||
| That's fucking insane. | ||
| And then, you know, they have like a talent portion where they sing and they do little dances in their high heels. | ||
| What the fuck, man? | ||
| It's so unhealthy. | ||
| Who is the pedophile that invented this? | ||
| The first guy who was like, I have an idea for a thing to do. | ||
| I think it's people that are just living through their kids, man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You see that a lot with sports. | ||
| You know, you really see that a lot with, you know, people that, like, it's usually fathers with their sons. | ||
| Like, fathers, like, really fuck their kids up. | ||
| Because they're, like, super... | ||
| Some guys, you know, obviously. | ||
| Some guys, like, fuck their kids up because they're super, super, super invested in their kid being successful. | ||
| Like, I've seen kids not do well at certain sports and seen their fathers yelling at them. | ||
| You know, you're talking about, like, 10-year-old kids. | ||
| Like, goddamn, man. | ||
| Like, you're gonna... | ||
| The only way this kid's ever gonna get good at something is if he's rewarded for his hard work and then if he gets... | ||
| A sort of an understanding of what is healthy and what is not healthy about competition. | ||
| And what's definitely not healthy is you putting everything on the line for this kid. | ||
| Like, it's everything. | ||
| Like, your love. | ||
| Your love is invested in this kid knocking a ball into a net. | ||
| This is fucking preposterous. | ||
| This is so goofy. | ||
| Dads just see that Tiger Woods money. | ||
| You think that's what it is? | ||
| I mean, I don't know. | ||
| I mean, it's probably column A, which is them trying to, you know, redo their, you know, what they wish they had done. | ||
| But then there's also, like, my kid could be the greatest quarterback. | ||
| My kid could be, you know. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I think that could be in the future. | ||
| Like, they might be looking at it that way. | ||
| We've got to get you on that doesn't make that noise. | ||
| Oh, sorry. | ||
| I won't do it anymore. | ||
| It's okay. | ||
| Just push the microphone to the side. | ||
| But the audience is probably going, what is that? | ||
| People that have headphones on. | ||
| The headphones are the real issue. | ||
| Sorry. | ||
| Because sometimes we have these fight companion podcasts where we have a bunch of guys in here and we watch fights and people start eating snacks and they're eating right into the microphone and if you're listening, if you have headphones on, it's fucking maddening. | ||
| But it's hard. | ||
| You're drinking and smoking pot and people forget and they start chewing. | ||
| Anyway, JonBenet Ramsey, not a good place to buy a house. | ||
| Okay, AIDS is done, JonBenet Ramsey's done. | ||
| Yeah, we covered those super-duper important things. | ||
| Conspiracy, there's one that thinks they think that Bill Hicks and Alex Jones are the same person. | ||
| Oh, I've seen that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Trust me. | ||
| I met both of them. | ||
| They're different humans. | ||
| Fucking Christ, people are so crazy. | ||
| Could you imagine? | ||
| Like, why? | ||
| Why would you do that? | ||
| I want to know, has anybody ever done that? | ||
| Has anybody ever faked their own death? | ||
| Tupac. | ||
| Andy Kaufman. | ||
| Andy Kaufman and Tupac live on an island somewhere. | ||
| What a boring fucking life, waiting to die of old age. | ||
| Yeah, but that's also maybe one of the best sitcoms ever. | ||
| Tupac and Andy Kaufman alone on an island somewhere, like an odd couple. | ||
| How long before gay shit starts happening? | ||
| How many months in? | ||
| It's got to be early. | ||
| Right away. | ||
| Yeah, right away. | ||
| Just fuck it. | ||
| We're here. | ||
| Let's be honest. | ||
| No one's rescuing us. | ||
| I don't know of anyone that's ever faked their own death successfully. | ||
| I know some people have tried. | ||
| There was a guy that I remember, it was some business guy who apparently got busted swindling or something like that, and he faked his own death, but they caught him a few years later. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then that guy that's in that movie, The Jinx, the show The Jinx. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That guy that, what is his name? | ||
| Robert Durst. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He didn't fix that, did he? | |
| No, but he disappeared and pretended he was a woman. | ||
| Right. | ||
| He pretended he was a mute woman. | ||
| Like, he put on a wig and dressed like a woman. | ||
| And then, as a mute woman, murdered another guy. | ||
| And then took off. | ||
| And that's like... | ||
| Whitey Bulger did it for a while. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| He disappeared, but he didn't fake his own death. | ||
| No. | ||
| I don't know if this is true. | ||
| I heard, and I don't remember where I heard it, so this could just be nonsense, but that what his plan was to do is when he was going to get old and die, he was going to go out into the desert, dig a hole, and just basically kill himself in the hole so they never find him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bulger? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't know if that's true or not. | ||
| I heard that. | ||
| You gotta kill yourself where animals will eat you. | ||
| Right. | ||
| That's the move. | ||
| If anybody wants to kill themselves and not be found, go to Alberta. | ||
| Go to Alberta, Canada. | ||
| Go to where the bears are. | ||
| Because there's sections of Alberta, Canada that are literally infested with black bears. | ||
| And they have a few grizzlies up there as well. | ||
| But I've never seen more bears in one place in my life. | ||
| Like in one day, you'll see 16 bears. | ||
| Like, no bullshit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Fucking big bears. | ||
| Seven-foot bears. | ||
| And just blow your brains out. | ||
| Cover yourself with honey. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because other bears eat honey, right? | ||
| And they'll eat you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You'll be gone. | ||
| They'll eat your bones. | ||
| They'll eat everything. | ||
| They'll eat every single piece of who you are. | ||
| They'll shit out your teeth. | ||
| And that'll be a wrap. | ||
| Nobody will find you. | ||
| That's a good life hack. | ||
| Or the ocean. | ||
| The ocean's probably the best. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because they're just not going to find you. | ||
| If you go out far enough and just jump out? | ||
| Yeah, just start breathing water. | ||
| You'll just fucking sink to the bottom. | ||
| The odds of your body making it all the way to shore, not so good. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, think about how goddamn big the ocean is. | ||
| Who's going to find you? | ||
| Nobody. | ||
| That's probably a good move. | ||
| The ocean's probably better than the bear move. | ||
| It's more peaceful. | ||
| It's serene. | ||
| I don't know about all that. | ||
| It's terrifying. | ||
| The ocean's peaceful in the day. | ||
| At nighttime, it's fucking horrific. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I went out sailing once in New York, and we went out a little far, and then it got dark, and we were trying to come back, and all of a sudden the waves got bigger, and it was actually... | ||
| It's like a sailboat, so really kind of with the old wheel and everything, and actually feeling the strength of the waves trying to get back, and it was really fucking terrifying trying to get back to New York. | ||
| That's a crazy way to die, man. | ||
| Your boat tips over. | ||
| You're trying to scramble and hope the boat stays afloat sideways and the water's cold. | ||
| My kitchen was getting fixed. | ||
| There was some shit wrong with my kitchen. | ||
| So we decided to rent a house on the water. | ||
| Rent a house on the beach for a couple months. | ||
| And I got... | ||
| Barbecued one night the first night we went there I got super duper high and in the daytime It was beautiful like that like you look out the window where you're eating breakfast and would just be ocean Just like right there in the ocean like wow so pretty but at nighttime that same view is Horrifying because the sky is black and the waters black and you keep hearing whoosh And it's like it reveals itself to you. | ||
| Like, oh, you thought that this was like your playground, some beautiful thing. | ||
| No, this is a fucking monster that could swallow up the whole city and not even know it. | ||
| Like the ocean could just swallow Los Angeles one day with one burp slash fart of the tectonic plates. | ||
| Or at least Malibu. | ||
| Oh yeah, Malibu would be done. | ||
| Santa Monica, done. | ||
| All that, the promenade, done. | ||
| Just all those, the mall area with all the shops and people playing songs you don't want to hear out in the street. | ||
| 100 foot high waves just pouring in, covering everything for three, four miles deep. | ||
| That's nothing. | ||
| That's happened a hundred thousand fucking times in the course of the earth. | ||
| And we just set up houses there. | ||
| Dig them in. | ||
| Boom. | ||
| Pull a little fucking posts. | ||
| Have a little wave wall. | ||
| I was terrified in that house, man. | ||
| I barely stayed in it. | ||
| I rented it for a few months, and I wanted to stay in my other house, actually, my house with the fucked up kitchen. | ||
| I was cooking on a hot plate. | ||
| I was like, I feel more comfortable here. | ||
| Are you afraid of tsunamis? | ||
| I'm afraid of everything. | ||
| I'm afraid of everything. | ||
| I'm afraid of asteroids, wolves. | ||
| Tsunamis are the one disaster for some reason I'm not afraid of. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Yeah, I don't know why. | ||
| My wife is terrified. | ||
| That's her biggest fear is tsunamis. | ||
| She's smart. | ||
| Whenever I see the tsunami, and I know this is naive, but whenever I look at the tsunami footage and stuff, I feel like I could get away. | ||
| I got so scared of a tsunami, I spilled coffee over my shirt. | ||
| You really think you can get away? | ||
| I know it's stupid, and I probably couldn't, but I just have that kind of thought. | ||
| I feel like if I had to pick a natural disaster, like I'm afraid of earthquakes, asteroids, but tsunamis, I would take that. | ||
| Can you imagine if you did if you if you were right and you like a tsunami came and you survived and like a thousand people dead Trevor Moore, how did you survive? | ||
| They're all pussies. | ||
| How did they not survive? | ||
| Just some fucking water just swim. | ||
| No just be like you know what I kind of always deep down felt like I could do it and you know it just turned out God told me I would be fine and the water is just water. | ||
| Just keep swimming and you're fine. | ||
| No, have you ever been caught in an undertow? | ||
| Not a big one. | ||
| I go surfing and stuff, and I've never been caught in one that was... | ||
| I've been caught in one and been like, oh, I'm in an undertow, but not a bad one. | ||
| I've never been caught in a bad one either, but I got caught in one that was enough that freaked me the fuck out. | ||
| I got caught in one... | ||
| God, I don't remember where it was. | ||
| But I remember, like, oh, this is what that is. | ||
| And I'm, you know, pretty athletic. | ||
| I'm in pretty good shape. | ||
| But I was thinking, man, what if I was like an old lady? | ||
| Or, you know, a young kid. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Kid, yeah. | |
| I was like, this is not good. | ||
| Like, the water just started pulling me back. | ||
| And it was pretty rapid. | ||
| I was like, oh, fuck this. | ||
| And so I just started... | ||
| You gotta kind of swim sideways. | ||
| Yeah, lateral. | ||
| Yeah, towards the shore. | ||
| Greg Fitzsimmons had to rescue someone. | ||
| He was on vacation with his family, and some woman got caught in the undertow, and she was screaming, and she was getting pulled out. | ||
| And he looked around, and there was no lifeguard, there was no nothing, and she was just getting pulled. | ||
| And so, he was there with his fucking wife and his kids, and he went, holy shit. | ||
| Okay, here we go. | ||
| And he just jumped out there and you know, you gotta like know how to hold on to people when you're saving them. | ||
| He didn't know how to do that. | ||
| Because they're panicking and they're just trying to get to higher ground on top of you. | ||
| They'll pull you with them. | ||
| They'll pull you with them. | ||
| And she did not know how to do that. | ||
| And so like, you know, he barely made it. | ||
| He barely made it and saved this woman. | ||
| But that moment when you have to make that decision, do I risk my life to try to save some person? | ||
| Because you might get to a point where you're like, oh my god, I'm going to have to punch this chick in the face and swim by myself because she's going to drag me under. | ||
| There's those weird moments that actually happen to people when they're trying to save someone. | ||
| They realize, I'm going to die too because this person's an idiot. | ||
| Or maybe not an idiot, but they don't know how to deal with stress. | ||
| Some people... | ||
| Given the exact same circumstance, just know how to stay calm and they'll be fine. | ||
| And other people, they're just... | ||
| And they can't breathe. | ||
| Like, you're like, breathe, breathe. | ||
| They can't breathe. | ||
| And they're like, oh, fucking Christ. | ||
| Like, I can't teach you how to breathe here while we're both trying to swim for our lives. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| And then his wife and his kids were watching this whole thing happen. | ||
| And, you know, he kind of figured out how to grab her and swim to the shore with her. | ||
| That's some terrifying shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We were doing like river kind of rafting. | ||
| I mean, just like kind of in a lazy river kind of stuff up in Cape Cod once, me and a bunch of friends. | ||
| And this river comes out to the ocean. | ||
| And when it came out to the ocean, there was one of our friends who doesn't swim. | ||
| So I don't know why he was with us. | ||
| But he was on one of those inner tubes, just kind of tubing. | ||
| Did he have a life raft on, too? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| No, he was just kind of tubing, but it was like a river. | ||
| It was a river. | ||
| And so it got to the ocean, and it was the same kind of thing where this river just shoots stuff, you know, shoots the water out into the ocean really far. | ||
| So he went all of a sudden way out, and we're all back on the beach, and we're like, oh wait, holy shit, Chris can't swim. | ||
| Oh God! | ||
| So we're like going and we see that he's panicking and in his panic, what he did was he jumped off of the raft. | ||
| Oh no. | ||
| Because the raft was going out to ocean and he just wanted to get back to the shore. | ||
| But he doesn't know how to swim. | ||
| I know, but in the panic, in that moment, like your brain doesn't really make the right decisions. | ||
| So how'd you get him? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What happened? | |
| Oh, he died. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| No, we had people that had to swim out and like get him back. | ||
| Did you get the raft too? | ||
| I don't even remember. | ||
| The raft costs money, man! | ||
| I don't remember what happened to the raft. | ||
| Maybe not. | ||
| Oh, fucking Christ. | ||
| My friend Remy, Remy Warren, he was on a river once. | ||
| He was right next to a river. | ||
| And some stuff started... | ||
| He talked about it on the podcast, for folks listening to this. | ||
| His version's gonna be way better than mine. | ||
| But he saw some stuff floating down the river. | ||
| And then a guy, face down, body... | ||
| Floating down the river and then he realized holy shit like this is like a capsized boat It's freezing cold water and then a woman Hanging on for dear life screaming and he said holy shit here We go and he just jumped in the river and it was freezing cold water and he realized like as he was jumping He's like okay. | ||
| I'm probably gonna die because you know you get hypothermia really quickly yeah those means essentially those rivers They're glaciers. | ||
| It's glaciers melting. | ||
| And they create this river. | ||
| And it's fucking freezing cold water in the mountain. | ||
| And he's in this water. | ||
| And it's not warm out either. | ||
| It's cold out. | ||
| And so he just dove in. | ||
| And he's trying to save this woman. | ||
| And he got lucky. | ||
| They both got lucky. | ||
| And they figured out a way to grab a hold of something. | ||
| But he got a hold of her and then dragged her to shore. | ||
| But he was pretty convinced as he jumped in. | ||
| Like, okay, this is it for me. | ||
| It's been a fun life. | ||
| It's a good way to die, though. | ||
| Trying to save somebody else. | ||
| That's pretty much... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, I guess. | |
| That's pretty heroic. | ||
| But if she dies too, you're like, damn, I could have lived and just watched her die. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It felt sad. | |
| And just start telling people, hey man, don't raft. | ||
| Shit's dangerous as fuck. | ||
| Yeah, of all the ways to die, you know, that's a... | ||
| River rafting is a really terrifying one. | ||
| If you see, like, when people... | ||
| There was a reality show. | ||
| I forget what reality show it was, but it never went to air because as they were filming, like, one of the first episodes, someone, they overturned their canoe and got trapped under a rock. | ||
| Like, the canoe overturned and the waves, or the current rather, wedged them under a rock and they drowned. | ||
| And like the pilot. | ||
| And the pilot, yeah. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| Yeah, this was years back. | ||
| This was like right when Survivor was first taken off, before the internet really took hold as far as like... | ||
| Social media and TMZ type shit, which they would just have a field day with this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| But back then it was just, you know, they didn't really, they hadn't figured out how to use the internet for trash yet. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| You know? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| But this person just got stuck. | ||
| And I remember thinking that, like, okay, that's not something I ever want to be a part of. | ||
| You don't ever want to get stuck in a... | ||
| Freezing cold river with insanely powerful currents. | ||
| Yeah, I don't I don't I don't I mean some people like I've done it once the river rafting kind of thing like the whitewater kind of stuff again This is not fun to me like it's it's it's very bumpy. | ||
| It's scary. | ||
| There's Potential death everywhere People love thrills, man. | ||
| They love it. | ||
| Some people just, they love that rush, that adrenaline rush. | ||
| Just, oof. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Have you ever done skydiving? | ||
| No! | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Fuck that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because I feel like if you do die skydiving, it's, you know, it's always sad when people die, but it's like, you know, it's kind of, you don't get that. | ||
| I mean, people will be like, well, he jumped out of an airplane, you know. | ||
| I've had friends that are EMTs that have found people. | ||
| You know. | ||
| After Sky. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| Gotten to the surface. | ||
| They say their body's totally intact. | ||
| It's everything inside. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Outside. | |
| Yeah, but everything inside. | ||
| Like, your bones are, like, pushed up through your torso and just, like, you're just a bag of broken bones and destroyed organs. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Not good. | ||
| I read, uh, there's this article. | ||
| There was... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jamie has this look on his face. | |
| There's this article where they interviewed people who had actually fallen out of planes and lived. | ||
| Oh, God. | ||
| There's, like, only a handful. | ||
| But they were trying to figure out how to do it. | ||
| And the stories were crazy because there's this one guy who was an old guy that they interviewed who, I guess, was in World War II. And his plane just exploded before he had jumped out, kind of thing. | ||
| And he fell. | ||
| And they say that the way to do it is, and it's not, like, foolproof, but, like, the people who have survived, they kind of try to hit a tree. | ||
| And you try to hit a tree as close to the middle as possible, but not the exact middle, because that'll impale you. | ||
| But you want to hit close to the trunk, where the branches are the thickest. | ||
| And you basically want to have all the branches break your fall on the way down. | ||
| And you're going to be fucked up when, like, you hit the ground. | ||
| But the people who have lived, a lot of them hit trees. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| I heard a guy who lived who hit a barn and apparently he went through the roof and into the hay and somehow or another made it. | ||
| But he was fucked up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, every bone broken, back broken, you know, all fucked up, legs broken, but lived somehow or another. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| My friend Brian, his dad, he had worked with this guy and the guy was trying to get him to skydive. | ||
| And then, you know, one day he went to the office and the guy wasn't there. | ||
| And he's like, what happened? | ||
| Where's Mike? | ||
| Or whatever the fuck his name is. | ||
| I think it was actually a woman. | ||
| And he was like... | ||
| Found out that the skydiving didn't go so well that weekend. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, that's... | ||
| Dead. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Skydiving. | ||
| I don't get that sport. | ||
| Don't like that one. | ||
| Well, you know, my friend Steve Rinella said it best. | ||
| He said there's things that are fun that are fun while you're doing them, but they're not fun later. | ||
| And I think skydiving is one of those, and roller coasters are one of those as well. | ||
| They're fun while you're doing them, but they're not fun later. | ||
| And then there's things that you do... | ||
| Like crazy arduous hikes over mountains and you get to the top and you this insanely beautiful view and like you earn that view and you know you're camping it's freezing and you know you're fucking hoofing it but when it's all over when you get together like weeks later and talk about that trip like wow you have these amazing memories like it was really cool yeah but at the time it was kind of brutal and arduous would you ever do Everest fuck that Yeah, that's, that's, that's, that's like what the suicide, basically. | ||
| Well, you have to watch this new, it's out right now. | ||
| I'm glad you brought this up. | ||
| There's a Real Sports with Bryant Gumbel that's out right now. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| And it's on the Sherpas. | ||
| Those fucking guys who have to do all the work? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They had all these experienced climbers who had summited at Everest like years and years ago, and they were talking about what it used to be like. | ||
| You know, you used to carry your own stuff, you had a minimal amount of things, and now they have these companies that set it up like these luxury tours Where these Sherpas, they carry, like, virtually anything you want. | ||
| Like, whatever you want, whatever you need. | ||
| So they have all these prepped meals, they have these tents, and inside these tents they have, you know, gourmet food and cots and all this stuff. | ||
| And these Sherpas have to carry all this stuff. | ||
| It was sort of highlighting how insanely dangerous it is like there's only you know a few hundred Sherpas and over the last couple years 25 of them have died in Avalanches and icefalls and the path that they take from base camp up through the mountains like within the first you know hundred yards or so you're in dangerous territory and Well, there's dead bodies all along the trail that they can't get them. | ||
| If you die on the mountain, you're part of the mountain from then on. | ||
| There's pictures of the bodies online, and there's one guy that just looks like he's slumped over taking a nap, and that's what happened. | ||
| He's still in his parka and everything like that, but when you get up that high, you get tired, so you're like, I'm just going to rest for a second, and then you're there for the next 100, 200 years. | ||
| Including the first guy to ever climb Everest. | ||
| Is he? | ||
| Yeah, you could see his body. | ||
| Yeah, look at that guy. | ||
| That's the first guy? | ||
| No, that's one of them. | ||
| Look at that fucking... | ||
| That's so creepy, man. | ||
| But the first guy to... | ||
| That's the guy right there, the lower left? | ||
| The lower left? | ||
| That's the first guy to ever climb Everest. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Holy shit. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| See, I feel like that's going to suck all the fun out of, no matter how great the view is when you're walking up through just corpses, you know? | ||
| Like, it's got to suck a little bit of the fun out of it. | ||
| Looks like someone chewed on his ass. | ||
| Look, he's got a hole in his ass. | ||
| Like some birds came along. | ||
| But he's white. | ||
| White, frozen, solid, face-planted. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's terrifying. | ||
| Yeah, I'm pretty sure that is the body of the first guy. | ||
| Because that's an iconic photo. | ||
| But there's more than a hundred. | ||
| More than a hundred dead bodies. | ||
| How many dead bodies, Jamie? | ||
| Find that out. | ||
| Mallory is the guy's name that died first, right? | ||
| Isn't that his name? | ||
| Is this the first guy that ever tried it? | ||
| I believe so. | ||
| He was the first guy that ever did it. | ||
| And then he died. | ||
| On the way down? | ||
| Something like that. | ||
| Poor bastard. | ||
| I'm just going to wait for the virtual reality. | ||
| They'll put a camera up there and you can just put on goggles and go, what? | ||
| It won't mean anything. | ||
| It'll mean enough. | ||
| The feeling of that thing is you experience it. | ||
| As you're walking, every fiber of your being is going, what the fuck are you doing? | ||
| You've got to get out of here, man. | ||
| This is dangerous. | ||
| There's no air. | ||
| It's 18 degrees below zero. | ||
| You've got a mile of walking. | ||
| More than 200 dead bodies. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Some bodies even used as landmarks for other climbers. | ||
| Fucking Christ. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| How many people have successfully done it? | ||
| A lot. | ||
| That was the fucked up thing about this real sports thing. | ||
| As this guy was doing it, he was talking about how crowded the summit is now. | ||
| When you go up there, you can barely stand because so many people have summited. | ||
| There's so many people out there with you, and then they showed the video of him doing it and all the people making it on the way up, and there was over a hundred people on their way up the mountain. | ||
| I mean, it was insane. | ||
| It was a line for Disneyland. | ||
| Like, I'm not kidding. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Look at all those fucking people. | ||
| That's insane. | ||
| Look at the line, the upper right-hand corner. | ||
| Look at the line. | ||
| Look at that fucking line! | ||
| Now, you can only do it like there's like a one week a year or something, right? | ||
| Is that what it is? | ||
| It's a small window, isn't it? | ||
| Like a month or two? | ||
| I'm not sure. | ||
| Where the weather is okay to do it? | ||
| I'm not sure, but they, you know, people die all the time doing it, and so these companies have sort of capitalized, as one of the things they were highlighting, they've capitalized on two things. | ||
| One, this desire of all these rich douchebags to, you know, like, I'm an adventurer, I'm a summited Everest. | ||
| I conquered business, now I've conquered the highest mountain in the world. | ||
| People love saying things like that. | ||
| I've summited Everest. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know, whoa, John, I'm so much more impressed with you now. | |
| But the Sherpas, it was really, really, really, really depressing because a lot of them come from this one town that's like halfway up the mountain. | ||
| And the town has been essentially the same way. | ||
| You can't even call it a town. | ||
| It's like a village. | ||
| It's a day's walk to buy food. | ||
| They have to walk for a day. | ||
| And this family, this mother and her son, were just mourning the death of her husband and the kid's father. | ||
| And it's just... | ||
| He was a Sherpa. | ||
| First day on the job. | ||
| First time doing it. | ||
| You know, they needed money to try to get out of this village. | ||
| And they make like $5,000 a year. | ||
| But that's the equivalent to like, that'll go for a year? | ||
| Probably, like way more than anybody makes up there. | ||
| I don't want to help. | ||
| I mean, so I'm sure it's like a pretty much, that's the town business. | ||
| Like, it's a Sherpa community. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, also they're uniquely like genetically qualified for the job. | ||
| They're living up there. | ||
| They live up there. | ||
| They're used to climbing all the time. | ||
| They're insanely fit because their bodies are used to like very low oxygen, very high altitude. | ||
| So they can do things that other people just, it's like super difficult for like a person like us that lives here in LA. You know, we're at sea level. | ||
| To go up there, we'd be like, fuck, you know, it takes a long time for your body to adapt. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Like, I lived in Colorado for a while, and we were living at 8,500 feet above sea level, which is like 3,000 feet above Boulder, and it was, just going upstairs was rough. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| These fucking people are at, like, what, 20,000 feet more, even? | ||
| I think, like, the summit is something like 29,000 feet above sea level. | ||
| So it's, like, essentially, like, almost as high as a jet. | ||
| Like, when a jet is flying over Vegas, like... | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Fuck! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| What the fuck, man? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's insane. | |
| There's no air! | ||
| And they do it with tanks, too. | ||
| That's the other thing. | ||
| They do it with oxygen tanks. | ||
| Pussies. | ||
| We did a show in Aspen, like the Aspen Comedy Festival, and there's just like a, you know, it was a sketch show, a lot of running around on the thing. | ||
| But I had to have an oxygen tank backstage, just because, like, from the amount of, like, running around, like, after the first show, I was like, I can't breathe. | ||
| I can't imagine being up at jet level. | ||
| I did Aspen. | ||
| I did the Comedy Festival. | ||
| Probably the same year you were there. | ||
| We didn't even introduce Trevor. | ||
| He's from the whitest kids you know. | ||
| Very, very famous sketch troupe. | ||
| You've probably seen a lot of their stuff online, a lot of sketches online. | ||
| But we were doing the Aspen Comedy Festival. | ||
| I want to say it was like 2003. Three or something like that it was way back in the day and it was with I was with Lewis black we're on a show together and they they they had oxygen waiting for him when he got on stage like they have a tank right there a little mask like you're sucking oxygen like right after you get off you know because Lewis does that thing where he gets his fingers going and he gets very excited You know, you got no air. | ||
| There's no fucking air up there. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, I remember when we got there, they were saying, like, if anyone's feeling faint or anything like that, we have oxygen for everybody. | ||
| And I was like, eh, that's, you know, I'm not going to need that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bussies! | |
| And then, like, yeah, 24 hours in, I was like, where is the oxygen tanks? | ||
| Well, they sell it. | ||
| They sell, like, tubes that you can bring with you. | ||
| It looks like a can of hairspray or something, or shaving cream. | ||
| It's got, like, a little mask thing. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Yeah, that's nothing, though. | ||
| I mean, that's nothing compared to the altitude that these people are at. | ||
| It's probably the same kind of thing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What I did was basically like going to the moon on a bike. | |
| Yeah, Aspen is a freaky town, isn't it? | ||
| Yeah, the sidewalks are heated. | ||
| I thought that was weird. | ||
| It's so rich. | ||
| There's so much money up there. | ||
| It's so stupid. | ||
| Well, they have to bust everybody, like, because there's a McDonald's there, and everyone who works there, anyone who works in any of those shops has to be bust in from, like, an hour down the mountain, like, to work there. | ||
| Like, there's no one who works there lives there. | ||
| No, you could never afford it. | ||
| Do they even have apartments? | ||
| I mean, they must have some, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| I don't remember seeing any, but I remember seeing some... | ||
| Stupid fucking expensive houses up there. | ||
| It's a weird, like, rich people paradise. | ||
| You know, like, the stores, like, they have, like, a Nobu up there. | ||
| Like, super expensive sushi place. | ||
| Like, how are you getting fish up here? | ||
| This ain't nowhere near the fucking ocean. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, Aspen is pretty high up there. | ||
| It's like 8,000 feet, right? | ||
| Something like that. | ||
| Seems like it. | ||
| It's a goofy airport, too. | ||
| That's a horrible airport. | ||
| You have to fly, like, straight up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The year we went, I don't think planes were coming in because it was snowing. | ||
| Or they called it off or something like that. | ||
| Same with my year. | ||
| So then it was basically everyone had to drive up the thing. | ||
| And that was terrifying because then the roads, like, you know, if there's nobody driving on the road for, like, five minutes, the road's gone. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Covered in snow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, we landed in Denver and then they bussed us up and it took hours. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And you're going on these winding roads in a bus. | ||
| You don't even know this driver. | ||
| He might be crazy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, how'd you get this job? | ||
| Can I talk to you? | ||
| You're the guy driving. | ||
| Like, your life is on the line. | ||
| You're on mountains. | ||
| And on the way up, there's all these buses just on the side of the road. | ||
| They've just been frozen there because you can't go get them. | ||
| Like, on the way up to the Aspen Comedy Festival, they're just littered with frozen comedians on buses. | ||
| It was a goofy place to do comedy, too, because the audiences, they either had to live in Aspen, or they had to also fly in for it. | ||
| And then they kind of realized somewhere along the line, oh, executives just sort of built this festival so they could ski. | ||
| Yeah, it's a party. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So when I was up there, I remember thinking, this is very different from the Montreal Comedy Festival, where the Montreal Comedy Festival, it really did seem like it was all about the shows. | ||
| The shows were like an afterthought in Aspen. | ||
| And so they just cancelled it. | ||
| Like, it doesn't exist anymore. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And then they brought it to Vegas for a while. | ||
| And they were like, well, this is even worse. | ||
| And then there's no more festival. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, does HBO even have a comedy festival anymore? | ||
| I don't think they do. | ||
| I don't think they do either. | ||
| Which is a shame, because actually, I thought it was a fun festival. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's great. | |
| But, yeah, I guess they... | ||
| I enjoyed it. | ||
| I don't... | ||
| I ski now, but back then I didn't ski. | ||
| So I just was there just kind of having fun going, this is a weird place to have a festival. | ||
| Like, why would you have a festival? | ||
| And then I kind of like sort of pieced it together. | ||
| Like, oh, you fuckers just like skiing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You'd see all the agents and everyone. | ||
| Sun dances. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They all have their shit with them. | ||
| All their skiing shit. | ||
| I was like, this is fucking bizarre. | ||
| Like, you guys have... | ||
| Like, this is an afterthought. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's Hollywood. | ||
| You know? | ||
| The skiing. | ||
| Skiing terrifies me. | ||
| Does it? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's... | |
| I put that up there with... | ||
| Well, I just... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| You can hit a tree and then, you know... | ||
| Well, you know what the thing is, man? | ||
| Just don't go on, like, a super tough course. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's the thing about skiing. | ||
| Like, if you're going to ski... | ||
| Like, everybody wants to go, like, crazy. | ||
| Skiing's fun for me when I'm in control of it. | ||
| Like, you know, they have, like, black courses and blue... | ||
| Like, blue is, like, fairly easy. | ||
| Right? | ||
| It's like... | ||
| Bunny slopes? | ||
| Yeah, I was like, well, blue's not bunny. | ||
| Blue's pretty, like, I was in Park City, Utah, this year, and blue's not easy. | ||
| Like, blue gets weird. | ||
| Like, there's some spots where, like, whoa, this is, and I think green is, like, Maybe blue is harder than green, or green is harder than blue, but whatever it is. | ||
| I got to the one right before black, and I was like, whoa, this is kind of crazy. | ||
| You kind of figure it out. | ||
| You just got to take steep turns left and right to try to regulate your speed. | ||
| But while I was doing it, there were some motherfuckers that were just experts that were flying by me, just... | ||
| Because people that are just speed demons, they just really know how to do it. | ||
| And if they fuck up, ooh... | ||
| You know, some of those guys are going, they're probably going like 50 miles an hour or something. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's no room for error. | ||
| No. | ||
| Also, I was with my kids and it freaked me out. | ||
| I was like, what if some uncoordinated dummy plows into one of my kids when they're trying to learn how to ski? | ||
| Right. | ||
| That's a potential danger. | ||
| When I was a kid, the first time I ever went skiing, I took the little lessons that you take when you're first time skiing. | ||
| And then we were there for... | ||
| It was like a Christmas thing. | ||
| My family was there for like a week. | ||
| So by the second or third day, I'm like, I want to try the Black Diamond kind of thing. | ||
| And my dad was like, fine. | ||
| He was just kind of like... | ||
| I think it was like, he ought to learn a lesson or something. | ||
| Like, yeah, go for it. | ||
| So I took the lift up to the thing, and nobody said anything. | ||
| Like, it was totally, everyone was like, alright, this kid's gonna, you know, eat shit. | ||
| And it took me hours to get down. | ||
| Because I couldn't, you know, stay up for more than, you know, 50 yards at a time without just falling. | ||
| Because it's just the slope, the pitch was just so much that I just would just keep tumbling. | ||
| And I'm like crying, trying to walk down this Black Diamond thing while people are like... | ||
| Flying past me. | ||
| Oh, God. | ||
| Did you tell your dad when you got to the bottom? | ||
| Yeah, I was like, I hate skiing. | ||
| Did he say, I wanted you to learn a lesson, son. | ||
| Take that black diamond. | ||
| How about a double black diamond, pussy? | ||
| Yeah, the moguls are kind of crazy. | ||
| We were watching people doing a black diamond mogul. | ||
| Which, for people who don't know what skiing is, it's like massive bumps. | ||
| Like, people like the bumps, which I'm real confused. | ||
| I didn't understand why they would like... | ||
| You get sick air. | ||
| Is that what it is? | ||
| I think, isn't that, it's kind of you're trying to get air off of the bumps, aren't you? | ||
| I guess you kind of do. | ||
| I mean, don't jump too high because you're kind of going back and forth. | ||
| But we were going over it in the lift, and we were watching these people just go left and right and just hopping up and bouncing. | ||
| And the actual ground gets etched in this crisscross, crosshatching pattern from people just going left and right and left and right over these crazy fucking bumps. | ||
| And you're like, man, there's not a lot of room for error there. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| If you don't know what you're doing and you just jumped in like you did just a little too quick... | ||
| You're in the trees. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What's safer? | ||
| Skiing or snowboarding? | ||
| What's easier to do? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Can you go as fast on a snowboard as you can on skis? | ||
| I feel like you go faster on skis, but I'm talking out my ass. | ||
| You do go faster? | ||
| Yeah, you can go like 100 miles an hour. | ||
| On a snowboard? | ||
| You can go straight down like the downhill alpine skiing on the Olympics. | ||
| They go really fast. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They can't get that fast on a snowboard. | |
| Aubrey's friends with that guy, Bodie Miller, who's an Olympic gold medalist. | ||
| I watched him in the Olympics because they were... | ||
| The Olympics was happening when Aubrey was over at my house. | ||
| We watched it while it was going live. | ||
| And that motherfucker flies. | ||
| When you're watching Olympic gold medalists going down these things, the speed is just unfathomable. | ||
| You've got to think that at some point in time... | ||
| If you wipe out, like he just wiped out recently, almost severed his leg. | ||
| Like he hit something and tore his, almost tore the meat off of his leg in this accident. | ||
| Like a pretty severe, might even be like a career-ending injury. | ||
| Like I think he hit a fence or something. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| Yeah, fuck. | ||
| Or he just hit snow, but that's as fast as he was going. | ||
| Snow cut his leg off. | ||
| I think he hit a fence. | ||
| My friend Steve was on the US ski team, and he's had... | ||
| I want to be conservative when I say this, but I think I'm wrong. | ||
| I think I'm undershooting it. | ||
| He's had 28 knee surgeries. | ||
| He actually had his knees resurfaced. | ||
| I'll show you a picture. | ||
| You want to freak out? | ||
| He doesn't have any cartilage on his knee anymore. | ||
| How old is he? | ||
| Steve's in his 50s. | ||
| I've known him since I was a kid. | ||
| Let me see if I can find this image. | ||
| It's going to freak you out. | ||
| I'll pull it up here. | ||
| I don't know if I can... | ||
| What's that? | ||
| Oh, yeah, you're looking up at the screen. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The record is actually 156 miles an hour. | |
| Oh my god! | ||
| Average speed of 40 to 100. 40 to 100 is average? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| See, I never want to be going 156 miles an hour. | ||
| Yeah, you're smart, dude. | ||
| Okay, look at this image. | ||
| I'm gonna pull this. | ||
| Hold on, I'll give it to you. | ||
| I'm off my laptop. | ||
| That's my friend's knee. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| That's the inside of his knee. | ||
| So they put metal over the top of his knee. | ||
| That's gotta feel terrible when it gets cold. | ||
| He's a bad motherfucker. | ||
| He would never complain about anything. | ||
| This guy's an animal. | ||
| He doesn't give a shit. | ||
| He's got fake meniscus. | ||
| You see that little white thing there? | ||
| That's an artificial piece of meniscus that is a pad in between the ball and socket, those caps of his knees where, you know, normally you have cartilage. | ||
| The cartilage is so worn away That he has these, it looks like they're chrome, like steel, steel caps that cover over the top of the bone. | ||
| And then, you know, it just sort of rolls steel to steel. | ||
| And that's a knee replacement. | ||
| He doesn't have that. | ||
| No, he just has his knee, because knee replacement is like for people that have like their ligaments destroyed. | ||
| My mom had knee replacement. | ||
| She had both knees done at the same time. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck! | |
| They chop your legs off, basically, and then they put robot knees in, and then you basically can't walk for a couple months. | ||
| Good lord. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Fuck, man. | ||
| And they give you a whole bunch of Vicodin and send you home. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The amazing thing is the hips. | ||
| They saw the top off. | ||
| They give you a fake hip. | ||
| It's attached to a screw. | ||
| They saw the top of your femur off, and this fake hip screws right in there, and then you just start walking around. | ||
| You're walking around within hours of surgery. | ||
| Hip replacement? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| Yeah, I had a guy that was... | ||
| Yeah, there's the hip. | ||
| There's the fake hip. | ||
| Trevor, if you hear that sound, that's Trevor sucking on his... | ||
| I did it away from the mic. | ||
| Well, look at that, how they do it. | ||
| They literally saw the top of your bone off and put this fake thing in there, this fake ball and socket. | ||
| That looks cool, though. | ||
| Oh, look at it. | ||
| It's from Aspen. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| The picture that you pull up is from Aspen. | ||
| I mean, how many people that are super rich blow their hips out from skiing all the time? | ||
| Probably a lot. | ||
| Or just get that done cosmetically. | ||
| Just to be beautiful. | ||
| Yeah, kind of cyborg-y. | ||
| I want to have better hips. | ||
| But you see the top where it shows how deep it goes into the femur? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The screw, like, up above that, Jamie? | ||
| Above and to the right? | ||
| You see that? | ||
| Yeah, right there. | ||
| Like, look at that. | ||
| That's what happens. | ||
| They put that fucking steel thing. | ||
| Graham Hancock had it, and he came on the podcast six weeks later. | ||
| He was walking around like nothing. | ||
| Like, I had no idea. | ||
| You know, he goes, well, I had my hip replaced. | ||
| I said, when? | ||
| He goes, six weeks ago. | ||
| I go, get the fuck out of here. | ||
| He was walking around like there was nothing wrong. | ||
| Now how long... | ||
| I know with the knee stuff, it lasts like 20 years or something. | ||
| And so then you gotta do it again. | ||
| Like 20 years or so. | ||
| How long did it take her to recover where she could walk? | ||
| A couple months, I think. | ||
| Because she did both at once. | ||
| Most of the times you do one, and then you do another one later, but she just did them both. | ||
| She just said, fuck it, let's just suffer once. | ||
| Yeah, she's like a schoolteacher, so she was like, I got this summer open, let me just get them both done out of the way. | ||
| What was wrong with her knees that she had to do that? | ||
| I think just the cartilage wore down. | ||
| Like it wasn't an injury or anything. | ||
| It was just kind of wear and tear That's one of the reasons why I don't trust certain doctors because there's other ways to handle that First of all, they're doing these stem cell injections now on in people's knees where they're regenerating cartilage You know, obviously that's not That's not an option once they chop your fucking legs off and put a fake knee in right but doctors love doing that They love doing surgery, you know I had a back injury and I talked to a doctor and he's like well, I'm gonna fruit fuse your discs, you know | ||
| There's no other way. | ||
| This and that. | ||
| We're going to chop it out. | ||
| Now I'm fine. | ||
| I sought out a bunch of alternative methods, and I did this thing called Regenikine, this blood-spinning procedure that reduces inflammation. | ||
| I did a lot of stretching and yoga and a lot of strengthening. | ||
| It's fine now. | ||
| I could have listened to this asshole, and I'd have my discs fused right now. | ||
| I don't know what that means. | ||
| They cut the soft part in between the bones. | ||
| Your spinal column is a series of bones, and in between those bones are discs, which is sort of like a tough bag of jelly. | ||
| And that bag of jelly a lot of times gets herniated. | ||
| Where it pokes out and because of trauma, it'll start sticking into the nerve and it causes pain. | ||
| That's where sciatic comes from. | ||
| You know that term like sciatica? | ||
| People go, oh, I have a sciatic issue. | ||
| Well, you know what that really means? | ||
| That really means you have a bulging disc. | ||
| It means your bulging disc is poking into a very specific area of your spinal column, a specific area of your nerves that affects where your leg is. | ||
| And so it can cause atrophy in your leg, which I've had friends that have had that issue. | ||
| It can cause some pretty severe lower back pain and leg pain, like through your butt, down your hamstring, all the way down, like shooting down your leg. | ||
| So what they want to do is cut that meat out, that soft, cushy part, and then they drop it down and screw the bones together. | ||
| So now you have one part of your spine that just doesn't move. | ||
| So you can't, your range of motion... | ||
| Exactly, it doesn't articulate the same way. | ||
| Now, they've developed the same guy that invented... | ||
| Well, not the same guy, in the same country, rather, in Germany. | ||
| They're doing things in Europe that they're just not doing in America yet, for whatever reason. | ||
| And one of the things they're doing is they're replacing the discs with artificial discs that articulate. | ||
| They move around, much like the actual stuff that's in between your bones do. | ||
| So instead of fusing it and having this one stiff, rigid area, which actually can be really problematic because it puts additional mechanical pressure on the above disc and the below disc. | ||
| So oftentimes people wind up having multiple discs fused and you got like one stiff fucking back and you're walking around like this and you're shorter like it makes you shorter and makes you have all sorts of problems like mechanical problems the way your body because your body's like going what the fuck is going why are we built different now yeah like well how come I can't move my neck anymore why is it all But it's really common. | ||
| People get it done all the time. | ||
| They fuse the discs. | ||
| And you don't always have to. | ||
| There's other ways around it. | ||
| But a lot of doctors just want to start cutting you. | ||
| They just don't want to start doing... | ||
| I mean, there's very ethical doctors, and there's sometimes Where they have to do it. | ||
| There's sometimes when you're like, you know, you're really fucked up, man. | ||
| We have to do surgery to open up your nerve pathway because your arms are atrophying, which is really common with people that have neck injuries. | ||
| They'll have one arm that like shrivels up, like it's not getting any nerves. | ||
| The nerves aren't firing anymore because they're being impinged by this disc, this bulging disc. | ||
| Scary, scary shit. | ||
| But doctors just want to fucking cut you up, man. | ||
| They make money doing it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Sure about that doctor that was arrested recently? | ||
| He was arrested because he was lying to patients and telling them they had cancer and giving them chemotherapy for profit. | ||
| wow yeah that's uh man yeah intentionally misdiagnosing people and then giving them chemotherapy how do they catch them i don't know someone got a second a bunch of people got a second opinion and that kind of maybe right yeah like what can't what you don't have cancer you're not even fat That's gotta be a weird turn when you're a doctor and you're just like, you know, you're like, I'm just gonna be a bad doctor. | ||
| Like, you know, because you can't, I mean, you have to know you're a bad doctor at that point. | ||
| You're like, I'm a bad guy, you know? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Some people have a way of dancing around reality. | ||
| You know, there's a book called Dead Doctors Don't Lie. | ||
| This guy, Dr. Joel Wallach, who's kind of an eccentric character, and basically the premise of a lot of... | ||
| What his book is about is about how few doctors really understand nutrition and they understand the impact of nutrition on the body and mineral deficiencies that people have that you would treat in like livestock like in animals a lot of times when animals develop issues they change the diet and give them minerals and that they don't do that with people and he found that particularly fascinating because I think he started out as a veterinarian and And one of the things he was talking about is how many doctors abuse | ||
| drugs because they can get them. | ||
| It's really easy for doctors to get drugs. | ||
| And he details this one story of this guy who was in the middle of an operation and stepped away and shot cocaine into his body. | ||
| Had a fucking heart attack and died so he was in like a storage room dead while this person was cut open In the middle of surgery and they had to try to go look for him and they found him But you would think that you know when you're a doctor you have access to you know Prescriptions and you can get a hold of some medicine and I'm sure it's probably more tightly regulated today than it was in years past Yeah, | ||
| I mean I'd heard that about dentists I heard dentists have the highest rate of depression for any occupation. | ||
| The highest amount of suicide for any occupation. | ||
| A lot of people think that it's because people hate going to the dentist. | ||
| It's kind of universal. | ||
| Nobody wants to go to the dentist, so they kind of put it off. | ||
| They only go when they have to, like they're in pain. | ||
| So every single person that a dentist sees every day of their professional life is people who are having the worst day of their year. | ||
| And they're dreading it. | ||
| So there's this energy of everyone coming in and being like, I'm not happy to see you. | ||
| I'm stressed out. | ||
| And that kind of wears on these dentists, so they have the highest suicide rate. | ||
| And I've heard that because of that, there's a lot of abuse of, because they have the drugs too, but there's less oversight than at a hospital. | ||
| It's their own private practice, so they just have all this stuff, so there's a lot of abuse there. | ||
| That totally makes sense. | ||
| Yeah, I didn't even think about it that way. | ||
| I've always felt that that was the case with cops. | ||
| Cops have very high suicide rates as well. | ||
| I think a lot of it is PTSD. They're always seeing trauma. | ||
| But they're also dealing with people that don't want to see them all the time. | ||
| Most of the time when you see a cop, you're like, oh, this fucking cop. | ||
| The cops are here. | ||
| Great. | ||
| So they just deal with that all the time. | ||
| Plus they have a gun on their belt. | ||
| It's got to be more in your mind if the gun is constantly there. | ||
| Just stick it in your mouth? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm sure. | ||
| Yeah, I bet they're probably like number one for shooting themselves. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know? | ||
| It's easy. | ||
| It's right there. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Being a cop has got to suck. | ||
| I don't think anybody's qualified to be a cop. | ||
| I really don't. | ||
| Not for more than like an hour. | ||
| You know? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Have you ever done a ride-along? | ||
| No. | ||
| New. | ||
| I haven't either. | ||
| That'd be fascinating, though. | ||
| Anyone can do it, right? | ||
| Pretty sure. | ||
| I feel like you can just call the police station and do a ride-along. | ||
| That'd be fascinating. | ||
| What if you do that and the cops get killed and you're in the backseat? | ||
| In what? | ||
| And you're just like, I'm just on a ride-along. | ||
| I'm not a cop. | ||
| I am white and I'm so sorry for that. | ||
| I'm not interested. | ||
| It's like I don't want to go to war either. | ||
| I don't do a ride along in Afghanistan. | ||
| No. | ||
| I have a friend who just got back from that. | ||
| He's filming a documentary on Afghanistan, and he was embedded with these troops for over a month. | ||
| And he came back shell-shocked. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He came back just whacked out. | ||
| And that's from one month. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, he was a little more than a month. | ||
| I want to say maybe six weeks. | ||
| But he came back and he was talking about it. | ||
| He's a hunter and he's like, there's this really creepy similarity that I didn't take into consideration that these guys are hunting people. | ||
| I mean, that's really what they're doing. | ||
| I mean, they're going after, like, certain, you know, quote-unquote insurgents. | ||
| You know, you give them some interesting names, like insurgents. | ||
| Like, we never heard insurgents before this war. | ||
| When the fuck did you ever hear, did they say insurgents during, you know, they said the Viet Cong during Vietnam, right? | ||
| They said the Nazis and the Japs during World War II. Now it's insurgents. | ||
| It's like this real way of making things sanitized. | ||
| But he said essentially, he realized right away, whoa, this is like hunting. | ||
| These guys, they're not going after a deer so they can eat it. | ||
| They're going after people. | ||
| and they knew their behavior patterns. | ||
| They knew how to set traps for them. | ||
| They knew where they would be and they knew how to sneak up on them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And they had like all these strategies like very similar to the way you would hunt a deer. | ||
| Like, okay, this is the path a deer goes into. | ||
| We're going to do is get, you know, upwind of them or downwind of them so that when the wind comes to us, they can't smell us and all this crazy shit they were doing to try to avoid being seen and really similar to hunting an animal. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Yeah, he was pretty fucked up. | ||
| He came back, he was a little weird. | ||
| He had an idea in his head of what it was going to be. | ||
| He said, well, go over there, do a documentary. | ||
| He wanted to kind of show how difficult it was, show the real side of war, but sort of honor these people that are over there. | ||
| He's got kind of a simplistic way of looking at things, too. | ||
| You know, fighting for our freedom. | ||
| He's one of those guys that says shit that you go, okay, what does that mean? | ||
| And then they just don't expand. | ||
| Like, it's like fighting for our freedom. | ||
| Are you sure? | ||
| Is that exactly what they're doing? | ||
| Like, people that are telling them to do that, are they doing it because they want freedom? | ||
| Or is there other ulterior motives? | ||
| Have you looked into this at all? | ||
| He didn't. | ||
| You know, he's just like very surface. | ||
| American sniper. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| But when he came back, man, he had a fucking completely different idea about it. | ||
| He had a very realistic portrayal of war when he came back. | ||
| It was a fucking eye-opener. | ||
| He was like, this is a clusterfuck. | ||
| It was a scary clusterfuck. | ||
| And it's not good by any stretch of the imagination. | ||
| And there's no way to win this fucking thing. | ||
| You're over in Afghanistan. | ||
| It's all mountains. | ||
| There's no towns. | ||
| There's Kabul. | ||
| That's one city. | ||
| Everything else is warlords that are trapped up in the mountains. | ||
| And get this. | ||
| The way they get the warlords to tell the Taliban, they give them Viagra. | ||
| Viagra? | ||
| Viagra's the best. | ||
| Huh. | ||
| You give them guns. | ||
| You give them money. | ||
| But they got guns. | ||
| They got some money. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And they got opium everywhere. | ||
| So Viagra's the one thing that's not local. | ||
| They need Viagra. | ||
| Because a lot of these guys are in their 60s and they've got like 30 wives. | ||
| These bitches are complaining, man. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| You know? | ||
| You can't fuck them once a day. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Once a month. | ||
| There should be a Viagra commercial. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Red, white, and blue flying behind the Viagra. | ||
| It's keeping you safe. | ||
| It's one of the main ways they get these guys to rat on the Taliban. | ||
| That's... | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| Do you call it the Taliban anymore or do they call it Al-Qaeda? | ||
| They don't even talk about Al-Qaeda. | ||
| It's ISIS now. | ||
| It's the same people? | ||
| They're an offshoot. | ||
| They're a branch of Al-Qaeda. | ||
| Is it like, you know, Van Halen with David Lee Roth was totally different than Van Halen with Sammy Hagar? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Is that what ISIS is like? | ||
| It's like a totally different offshoot of the original band. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We're getting the band back together. | ||
| It's ISIL now, right? | ||
| ISIL? ISIL. Yeah, it was ISIS and now it's the Islamic State. | ||
| I've heard that too. | ||
| Yeah, they started it at ISIS and then they changed it to ISIL. It wasn't testing well. | ||
| It wasn't testing well? | ||
| They re-branded. | ||
| Testing. | ||
| Testing is adorable. | ||
| Take a bunch of people, when you're doing a television show, you take a bunch of people that don't want to be there, they're getting paid, and then you play a show for them. | ||
| In Vegas. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Is it really usually in Vegas? | ||
| Yeah, they go to Vegas, and they'll grab people off the street, and they'll be like, would you like to see some TV shows that are about to come out? | ||
| And you'll get $20 off TGI Fridays, kind of thing like that. | ||
| And people are like, well, because Vegas is like... | ||
| Where you get a cross-section of everyone from all across the country. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So they find that, you know, that you can kind of get people from Iowa, you can get people from Florida, and this one, like, city, so you get, like, a good cross-sheet of what people are gonna think of a show. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| Vegas. | ||
| That's a weird place to do it, man. | ||
| It's also like, who are these people? | ||
| Like, you can't just get a random group of people and ask them about a show, especially if the show is specific, you know, like of a specific genre. | ||
| You know, you just get a bunch of rednecks and you play, you know, some sophisticated show for them. | ||
| Like, this is gay. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, it's people who are on vacation who have run out of things to do and will just do anything anyone's... | ||
| Like, if you're on vacation at Vegas or something, and then somebody was like, do you want to watch, like, five TV shows that you've never heard of? | ||
| You'd be like, no. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I just think the idea of testing is ridiculous anyway. | ||
| This is the way you test it. | ||
| Put it on the air. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, let creative people come up with it. | ||
| Let the comedians or the writers or whoever, you know, whatever kind of show it is, let them come up with it, put it together, and go, okay, we like it, let's put this thing on TV. Yeah. | ||
| And find, you know, trust your instincts on shit. | ||
| You don't have to bring it to some, well, we brought it to a random group of people, and they'd like a wacky neighbor. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How come there's no wacky neighbor, man? | ||
| Well, like, what Amazon does now is they just throw them up online. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And they just see, all right, which one's got the most, you know, which one do people watch more? | ||
| Amazon's got so much goddamn money they can do that, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| They've got drone money. | ||
| They're sending drones. | ||
| They've delivered shit with drones. | ||
| They're never going to do that. | ||
| They're never going to do that. | ||
| I think that was like a publicity stunt. | ||
| It's never going to happen. | ||
| You don't think so? | ||
| No, because, like, if they, if Amazon started sending drones... | ||
| There would be guys that had eight drones in their garage, their drones trying to get back to Amazon's headquarters. | ||
| People are going to steal them. | ||
| They're going to shoot them down and take your packages, too. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And there's power lines. | ||
| How are they going to get... | ||
| Well, they're going to see where they're going. | ||
| People would steal them. | ||
| I'd steal them. | ||
| Would you steal a drone? | ||
| Yeah, it'd be funny. | ||
| How rude. | ||
| An Amazon drone? | ||
| It's not hurting anyone. | ||
| If it has a GPS on it, they find it. | ||
| Like, find a phone? | ||
| They could find your iPhone. | ||
| You don't think they could find your fucking GPS? Well, I'd put it somewhere. | ||
| You'd put it somewhere? | ||
| No, I wouldn't keep it in my house. | ||
| I lived in a town in Charlottesville. | ||
| I lived in Charlottesville, Virginia when I grew up, which is where Dave Matthews was from. | ||
| And it was like when Dave Matthews was huge. | ||
| And so it was like a big thing in my town. | ||
| And like one thing that he did to like give back to the community that he wanted to do was he did this thing where he got a whole bunch of bicycles. | ||
| And they painted them, like, orange, and they put them all around town, and they're like, Dave Matthews is putting all these bikes around, and they're free, you can get one, ride it to where you need to go, leave it there, and then, you know, it's just a community bicycle kind of thing. | ||
| And within, like, two months, they were all gone. | ||
| Two months? | ||
| All gone. | ||
| How many bikes? | ||
| It was a lot. | ||
| It was like hundreds of bikes. | ||
| They're all gone. | ||
| And then for years, because I was in 1920, you go to house parties, and every house party you would go to, there'd be one of the Dave Matthews bikes on the wall, and they're like, I got one of Dave's bikes! | ||
| You can only have what the people will let you have, and that's why they won't have the Amazon drones, because people are going to steal them. | ||
| That's funny. | ||
| Yeah, but you would have to really steal. | ||
| That's not something you could borrow. | ||
| Amazon's not going to let you borrow their drones. | ||
| No, but it's got to come to your house, right? | ||
| To drop off a package. | ||
| Yeah, but I think it just drops it off and then takes off. | ||
| I don't think it waits for you to release it. | ||
| I think it just drops it off and then that's it. | ||
| Well, you have your buddy order something. | ||
| Then you go up on the roof with a baseball bat. | ||
| You need to wait for that fucker. | ||
| Imagine if you died because you were trying to hit a fucking drone and you slipped and fell off your roof and broke your neck. | ||
| That would be a sad funeral. | ||
| This stupid fuck. | ||
| He died trying to hit a home run off a drone. | ||
| God. | ||
| I don't know what we're going to be doing in a few years, but I have a feeling that within the next couple of decades, it's not even going to involve things being delivered. | ||
| I think it's going to involve 3D printing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think that's the big one. | ||
| Like you have a subscription to like Apple or something like that and then you have their account and then they just make your iPod in your living room kind of thing. | ||
| Yeah, you know how, like, you order, like, a movie on iTunes? | ||
| You say, hey, I want to watch Taken, or whatever. | ||
| And you just click it. | ||
| And then the movie will, you start downloading, and then you start watching it. | ||
| I think that's what it's going to be like. | ||
| I want a new pair of Converse Chucks. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know? | ||
| And then, I wonder if they'll be able to 3D print cloth. | ||
| That's an interesting question. | ||
| Hmm. | ||
| Probably. | ||
| Why not, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hmm. | |
| I don't know, because it's woven? | ||
| Like, that's the whole idea of cloth? | ||
| Well, maybe, like, some sort of, like, um... | ||
| What are those ShamWow kind of cloths? | ||
| They're not that comfortable, but... | ||
| Is that a shammy? | ||
| Like a shammy is a skin of an animal. | ||
| Like it's a super absorbent skin of an animal. | ||
| I'm sure they have synthetic... | ||
| I think that, yeah, I think that whatever ShamWow was, I don't think it was an animal. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| 3D printer for fabrics. | ||
| Well, Jamie just fucking answered our question. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| How does that shit work? | ||
| You know what's crazy is when... | ||
| Look at this! | ||
| When the 3D printing takes off, it's like, you know what happened with music and entertainment, where all of a sudden people could bit-torrent everything? | ||
| You're going to have that happen to every single industry. | ||
| Because all of a sudden, you can bit-torrent an iPhone. | ||
| You wouldn't download a car, would you? | ||
| And you're like, well, if it was possible, yes, a lot of people would. | ||
| And you will be able to do it. | ||
| Yeah, that argument for piracy, I had Paul Stanley from Kissin who's like really adamant that it's stealing, it's stealing. | ||
| And I was like, you know, it's piracy. | ||
| I'm like... | ||
| It's making a copy. | ||
| Is it? | ||
| Yeah, it's the original still there. | ||
| Like, it's not really stealing, you know, but he's used to being rich, and he wants to stay rich, and he wants to keep making millions of dollars, but he was talking about how the industry just disappeared. | ||
| And I was like, well, it's kind of, but... | ||
| See, my argument was like, yeah, but... | ||
| The radio always existed, and you always had radio. | ||
| And you play the music on radio, and that's what made the music famous. | ||
| And then people would go out and buy the CD, and you'd make millions. | ||
| And then they would go out and tour, and you'd make more millions. | ||
| Well, now one part of that's missing. | ||
| Right. | ||
| The buying it is missing. | ||
| People don't really want to buy it anymore. | ||
| But they still want to tour. | ||
| They'll still buy t-shirts. | ||
| That's always where money came from anyway. | ||
| It's t-shirts. | ||
| Like, you know, these people tour, and they, you know... | ||
| I mean like back in like the old Sun Records days and everything they were on the road all the time You know putting out these singles and then making all their money touring I just gotta go go back to that. | ||
| Well, I think the record companies are fucked way more than the artists Yeah, because that's why the record companies they're creating these like really fucking like strange deals Especially like with young artists they get talked into these really creepy deals Where, you know, they got locked up for X amount of years, and they're really, like, strange contracts that established artists would never agree to, and then you have to try to get out of them once you get to a certain point. | ||
| But they're just trying to figure out a way to lock down these artists and try to suck money out of them, where... | ||
| I mean, what do they have to offer these days? | ||
| They don't really have anything. | ||
| It used to be like you needed a record company to release your record and to get you on the radio. | ||
| But now the radio doesn't mean shit. | ||
| No. | ||
| Everyone just wants to get in like a TV show or like in a commercial now. | ||
| I mean, that's like the payday. | ||
| Yeah, it's just getting like your song played at the end of some MTV show or getting like your song played in the background of a commercial. | ||
| That's like the new... | ||
| Yeah, or just getting it like, okay, like how about that Gangnam Style guy? | ||
| Like that guy's in a weird spot because everybody knows you ain't gonna make more than one of those dude. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You got that one song where no one knows what the fuck you're singing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And people go, oh, it's kind of catchy. | ||
| How many of those can you make, man? | ||
| And do people want to go see you live? | ||
| Well, he's a big guy. | ||
| In Korea? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He was a star before that, over there. | ||
| This one just, I think, went international. | ||
| But the size, how big that song was, he doesn't need to have another one. | ||
| You think so? | ||
| I think he'll be able to coast off that for a while. | ||
| How much money do you think they make? | ||
| Jamie's like, he's fine. | ||
| Plus that, that was on so many commercials, too. | ||
| And then, like, ten years from now, there'll be a nostalgia for it. | ||
| It'll come back. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Oh, like Rick Astley? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Rick Roll? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| You gotta think that... | ||
| For most artists, that's not going to happen, right? | ||
| Maybe for him, but for most artists, you got a hit, you got a few songs that people are into, and then you're hoping they're going to come see you live. | ||
| That's the big thing. | ||
| But with Paul Stanley, he was just saying that you used to be able to make a lot of money off the sales of the records, and now it doesn't exist anymore because of illegal downloads. | ||
| But they must be making some money right off of iTunes and shit. | ||
| Yeah, I think... | ||
| I mean, I'm sure it was better. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| For, like, the few people that, like, you know, were in this Paul Stanley level, you know, kind of thing. | ||
| But... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| The flip side of that is that there's a lot of smaller bands that can, you know, get heard now. | ||
| Like, you know, the internet's been great for, like, small music. | ||
| I mean, you have a platform. | ||
| I guess, I don't know. | ||
| I think it broke up the monopoly. | ||
| It broke up that industry, which is a really creepy industry. | ||
| Go ahead, dude. | ||
| It's alright. | ||
| I'm going back here. | ||
| He's got that robot dick. | ||
| He's gonna suck. | ||
| Can't help it. | ||
| Have you watched that movie Artifact? | ||
| About 30 Seconds to Mars? | ||
| I did. | ||
| What is it? | ||
| Record label battle. | ||
| Oh, that's the Jared Leto thing. | ||
| Is that how you say it? | ||
| Leto or Leto? | ||
| It's an insane movie talking exactly about what you're talking about. | ||
| A really famous band that went on tour, sold out everything, and they came back and the record label said they still owe him a million dollars. | ||
| And they're like, what the fuck? | ||
|
unidentified
|
How? | |
| And it's a whole three-year battle and the documentary shows everything. | ||
| Lawyer talks. | ||
| Wow, and meanwhile, no one's talking about that documentary. | ||
| It's not like... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, it hasn't. | |
| I mean, they still ended up at the end of the movie. | ||
| I don't want to spoil it or anything, but they're still making music right now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
This was a couple years ago when the movie was made. | |
| Did you ever see the piece that Courtney Love wrote on the music business? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That sort of highlights how crazy it is. | ||
| Like, how much money goes to the record company versus how much goes to the artist. | ||
| But, again, that was before the internet kind of took the legs out from under that business. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Napster. | ||
| For comics, it's giant. | ||
| We never made any money off of CDs anyway. | ||
| I mean, you make a little bit. | ||
| But the real money was always in doing clubs and doing theaters and stuff like that. | ||
| So the internet is just awesome promotion for that. | ||
| Like, way better than anything else before. | ||
| Way better than a radio. | ||
| Way better than putting out a CD. There's nothing better than the internet. | ||
| I mean, you guys, I mean, that always blows my mind when I try to think about, like, what, you know, would you have a mailing list? | ||
| You know, at the end of a show, you put out a pad of a paper and, you know, like, write down, you know, I'll send out a mailing list every year, let you know. | ||
| I remember when I was a kid, I'd go to the record store and just check to see if the bands that I like had new albums out. | ||
| Because there was no way to know. | ||
| Like, you know, you would just go and sometimes, you know, you'd check multiple times a year and then you'd be like, oh, there's a new, there's no way to... | ||
| Yeah, that's right. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, where they would have like a poster up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Like, coming September 3rd, the new, you know, Bon Jovi. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh! | |
| Did you hear? | ||
| And then the radio would have to tell you. | ||
| This information was really hard to get back then, man. | ||
| It was really hard to get anything. | ||
| I remember I was in the KISS army. | ||
| You'd get a KISS fan thing in the mail when I was a kid. | ||
| I don't even remember them saying tour dates. | ||
| They'd just tell you about the band. | ||
| You'd get this real superficial version of who they are. | ||
| It's just so much different now. | ||
| So much different. | ||
| You can't be like this mysterious hidden person that lives in a castle, Marilyn Manson style, on top of the hill. | ||
| You're kind of like... | ||
| They know you now, man. | ||
| If they don't know you, they're not going to... | ||
| It's just... | ||
| The whole animal's different. | ||
| People are different. | ||
| I think human beings... | ||
| I think we're so used to it, it's hard for us to really conceptualize. | ||
| It's hard for us to really kind of appreciate how much different just... | ||
| Interacting with human beings as today in 2015 as opposed to like 1985 well, I I was we were shooting whitest kids when the iPhone came out and We were in production, you know, and I remember like me and a guy Zach from the troop would direct everything so we remember directing you know, | ||
| we were like midseason and and the day before the iPhone came out and You know, everyone would kind of be talking, you know, in between takes, like everyone would be on set, like, you know, PAs, like, you know, like the costume department, everyone would kind of be like joking around and stuff like that. | ||
| And then the iPhone came out at midnight. | ||
| And like, you know, it was a huge thing. | ||
| Everybody went in line, a lot of people got it. | ||
| And the next day, everybody was just staring at the iPhone. | ||
| And it was this thing where I was like, well, it's crazy because I bought one too. | ||
| And I was like, it's just crazy what this thing can do. | ||
| And everybody's fascinated with what this can do. | ||
| But we never went back. | ||
| It never went back. | ||
| I thought it was just going to be like a couple days where everyone's just staring at this thing. | ||
| And that was the dividing point. | ||
| It changed after that. | ||
| And now, just interacting with people is just completely different. | ||
| Well, then the social media really took off because you took it everywhere with you. | ||
| It wasn't like, well, when I get home, then I will check my social media. | ||
| I'll check my MySpace page or whatever. | ||
| No, it wasn't that. | ||
| It was like you're on the road. | ||
| You're everywhere you go. | ||
| You're eating dinner. | ||
| You're in your car at stoplights. | ||
| You're looking at your Twitter feed. | ||
| You see people that are just glued to it. | ||
| They can't have a conversation. | ||
| I have some people that come on the podcast and we're in the middle of conversations and then you start... | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah, totally. | ||
| They're not even listening. | ||
| They're not even paying attention. | ||
| They're just looking at their fucking phone. | ||
| Like, they can't help it, man. | ||
| They can't help it. | ||
| There's this weird, like, pull. | ||
| Maybe there's some interesting information. | ||
| And most of the time, there's not. | ||
| Most of the time, it's not. | ||
| It's like you're searching for a present. | ||
| Like, maybe there's one more Christmas present under that tree. | ||
| You've just got to find that present. | ||
| But it's not there. | ||
| It's very rare that your obsession pays off when you're staring at social media. | ||
| It's very rare that it was worth the look. | ||
| We're just looking to see what your friends are doing or thinking. | ||
| But you don't care what your friends are doing or thinking. | ||
| It's cool to call you. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, hey man, something fucking crazy happened. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But now it's like you're constantly looking for more data. | ||
| And I think the newness of it is like really attractive to us in a way that we have a really hard time controlling, you know? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Or it's just the beginning of, it's metamorphosis, it's the beginning of evolution, like to us becoming like a synthetic kind of non-carbon based, you know, silicone based being kind of thing. | ||
| And, you know, then we put nanobots in ourselves and, you know, it's just the first step of that, you know, of evolving. | ||
| Yeah, I think so. | ||
| I think that's most definitely what it is. | ||
| There was an article recently, I think yesterday, about this guy who's dying of cancer. | ||
| Leukemia, I believe, and he's going to be the first person they inject nanobots into. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Yeah, it's just fucking, it's begun. | ||
| These tiny little robots, like without it, he's going to die, so let's give it a shot. | ||
| And I've heard that's supposed to be the norm within like 15 years. | ||
| What if this dude becomes Dr. Manhattan? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Just like... | |
| That'd be awesome. | ||
| Figures out everything. | ||
| Starts glowing. | ||
| He's blue. | ||
| You see his dick everywhere he goes. | ||
| He doesn't care. | ||
| I think human beings will definitely have some sort of a weird symbiotic relationship with computers within the next decade. | ||
| There'll be implants that you'll be able to get data directly downloaded into your brain. | ||
| I mean, I think it's only a matter of time before they do that. | ||
| Well, they're saying, I was reading something where they're saying the nanobots thing is going to be commonplace within like 15 years, where you inject them into you, and then it just constantly is doing readouts like, oh, your platelets are low. | ||
| Oh, your white blood cells are low. | ||
| And it's just telling your doctor so you can keep up with everything. | ||
| Kurzweil believes within the next few decades, you're going to have nanobots that are going to allow you to hold your breath for over an hour. | ||
| They're going to give you these nanobots that somehow or another do something with maybe artificial blood cells or something like that, where they can hold and carry oxygen through your system so well that you'll be able to take a deep breath, jump to the bottom of the pool, and sit there for an hour like a regular person. | ||
| That's fucking dope. | ||
| It's fucking crazy, man. | ||
| That's awesome. | ||
| No more worrying about drowning for your friend. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That dummy. | ||
| Just hold his breath. | ||
| Hold your breath and walk back. | ||
| Just get on the ground, on the bottom of the ocean. | ||
| Walk home. | ||
| That's awesome. | ||
| Well, there's already experiments where they've transmitted words from one person to another person in their brain through the internet. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, they transmitted a word from one person. | ||
| Jamie, pull that up, because it's kind of difficult to describe Exactly what they did, but somehow or another, like, say if you're thinking Christmas tree, you know, you actually can send that word to me through the internet, and somehow or another I receive it, I'm not sure I understand it. | ||
| Yeah, is it visualized? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| Scientists transmit thoughts from one brain to another. | ||
| International team of scientists have succeeded in transmitting the thoughts of one individual into the brain of a second person located thousands of miles away. | ||
| Combining some of the latest technological marvels with the long arm of the internet is thought to be the first time the two brains have communicated with each other directly over long distance without the sender having to utter a single word. | ||
| Two greetings. | ||
| Hola and chow. | ||
| Oh, can't even do it in America? | ||
|
unidentified
|
How come you can't use English, you fucking queers? | |
| Made a historic trip from India to France, where they were received and spoken by a researcher who was blindfolded and equipped with earplugs. | ||
| Wow. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Scientists want to ensure that the receiver knew what his colleague 5,000 miles away was thinking because of the brain-to-brain transmission, not because of some other cue. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| So somehow or another, those two words were transmitted, and they knew what those two words were, thousands of miles. | ||
| I don't get it, man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Sounds good. | ||
| I like it. | ||
| If you told me 30 years ago that they were going to be able to send a video through the mail, I'd be like, what are you even talking about? | ||
| Or through the air, on a phone. | ||
| I'd be like, what? | ||
| What's a video? | ||
| You're going to be able to send a video? | ||
| You're watching it on what? | ||
| You're watching it on TV? Wait a minute, hold on. | ||
| So a TV show and it's gonna be on what? | ||
| You gonna hold on to something? | ||
| Like in Star Trek, they didn't even have fucking... | ||
| If you look at those stupid phones that they had, they didn't even have buttons on them. | ||
| They would just like Kirk out. | ||
| Like the spaceship had to know that they were calling Kirk. | ||
| But Kirk could call the spaceship and that's it. | ||
| He couldn't call his girlfriend. | ||
| He couldn't get to say, hey man, you guys want to eat? | ||
| Like there wasn't any of that going on. | ||
| Like they didn't even think that would be possible. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| But they thought that they'd be able to beam you, to break your body down into subatomic particles and reconstruct you on the surface of an alien planet. | ||
| That makes sense, but you've got to walkie-talkie or something. | ||
| You've got to say, Kirk out. | ||
| Kirk out. | ||
| You couldn't even see call ended on your phone. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We don't even have any idea what they're going to be able to figure out within the next few years. | ||
| The concept of transmitting a word through the internet and us understanding what that word is, to you and I, it's like, what are you talking about? | ||
| But 10, 20 years from now, they're going to be like, of course you do that. | ||
| That's what you do. | ||
| You just send words to each other. | ||
| It would be terrible if it ends up being a Twitter thing, where it's just like, you know, everybody's stupid. | ||
| Like, went to the mall, it's just constantly rattling around your brain. | ||
| Do you think that Twitter's making people stupid? | ||
| No. | ||
| It's making some people stupid, right? | ||
| I think it's just, I mean... | ||
| I don't think it makes people stupid. | ||
| I think it's just more distractions, stuff like that. | ||
| Well, you know what is the weirdest thing to me? | ||
| There's some people that use Twitter, and it seems like everything they're posting, they're manipulating what they think or what they're saying. | ||
| They're manipulating it in order to get a positive reaction from people. | ||
| I almost feel like they're not really communicating. | ||
| They're selling themselves. | ||
| They're faking it. | ||
| I always feel that when a celebrity dies, and then everybody posts like, oh my god, this guy meant this to me, or this to me, this to me, this to me, this to me. | ||
| I get it, but it seems to be about themselves, kind of, in a weird way, where it's like, this is how much this affected my life. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Or any sort of issue that people, there's a bandwagon of everybody jumping on, like, we gotta find Kony. | ||
| You know, we gotta find Coney. | ||
| You know, like that. | ||
| And it's just your entire timeline is just everybody talking about Coney. | ||
| I'm like, you watched a video, you know. | ||
| And that went away immediately. | ||
| Because the guy jerked off in public. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's all he had to do. | ||
| He's running around in his underwear in San Diego. | ||
| Beaten off in the street, losing his mind, and they were like, and this is, meanwhile, this was just the messenger. | ||
| The guy, Coney, was still a piece of shit. | ||
| Still a bad guy in Africa, murdering people and shit. | ||
| And everybody's like, yeah, but that guy was beaten off. | ||
| I don't want to be a part of this. | ||
| Well, the weird thing... | ||
| The weird thing about the Kony thing for me was, because it came out of nowhere. | ||
| It was just everybody being like, Kony, Kony, Kony. | ||
| And then you're like, okay, well, that seems like an asshole. | ||
| Child army, never good. | ||
| And then you look into it and you're like, so what are you doing? | ||
| And they're like, well, we want to get the United States involved and send troops over there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And you're like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on. | |
| You know, we've got a couple countries we're already doing that with. | ||
| Do we need to be adding to the thing? | ||
| To get after one guy because he just fits on a bumper sticker? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Coney 2012. And I'm pretty sure if we go over there, we're not going to grab all those kids and put them into school. | ||
| I think we're going to probably, you know, kill all of his kids. | ||
| You know, that's kind of what we do when we go over places. | ||
| They're going to shoot at us. | ||
| We're going to shoot back. | ||
| We're super sorry, but we had to save those kids by shooting them. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, the Kony 2012 and the Ice Bucket Challenge, they both had that thing in common where I felt like there was an insincerity to the message that people were sending out through social media. | ||
| Like they were sending it out to get social media brownie points. | ||
| They wanted everyone to know that they're super conscious and super progressive. | ||
| And that's one of the things that drives me nuts. | ||
| There's certain Twitter pages that I'll visit. | ||
| One of them recently blocked me. | ||
| Because I've mocked him on the podcast. | ||
| Hilarious. | ||
| By the way, dummy, don't you know that all I have to do is log out and I can still see your Twitter page, you dipshit? | ||
| It's public. | ||
| Just type it into a browser. | ||
| I can read all your stupidity. | ||
| This guy's entire Twitter page is like telling people how they should be living and telling people what's wrong with the way other people are living and what's wrong with the way other people are thinking and what's so bad about certain social issues. | ||
| It's hilarious. | ||
| Don't you have sandwiches that you like? | ||
| Isn't there like a movie you enjoyed? | ||
| Did you have a great time today? | ||
| Did you have a revelation today? | ||
| Did you feel bad about something that maybe you thought? | ||
| Is there any unique insight as to you as a human being? | ||
| Or is your whole thing like lessons to other people? | ||
| Like everybody needs to learn. | ||
| And this is what's wrong with this. | ||
| And this is what's wrong with that. | ||
| And it's all like... | ||
| Those type of people are almost all either like extreme right-wing... | ||
| Like, real, like, heavy-duty Republicans. | ||
| Like, this one dumbass that I go to, he's a young, earth Christian guy, and, you know, everything in his entire timeline is anti-Obama, anti-liberal, anti-gay. | ||
| Dinosaurs. | ||
| Yeah, anti-dinosaur. | ||
| And then this other guy I go to is extreme left-wing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| And everything that he does is, like, super progressive, super, like, really, like, uber left-wing, uber socially conscious, to the point where I'm not buying it. | ||
| You sound, you know, you're not even a human. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| You're like a sounding board for progressive issues. | ||
| Yeah, you made activism your personality. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Exactly! | |
| That's a great way to put it. | ||
| You've made activism your personality. | ||
| It's a great way to put it. | ||
| And it's not really activism. | ||
| It's just talking. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You're just yapping and bitching about shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, either bitching about shit or proclaiming the right way to be. | ||
| And it's always like, you know, pro-transgender, pro-gay, pro... | ||
| It's like, I can guess, like, super easy what your position is going to be on anything. | ||
| It's going to be, like, super uber left-wing, like, down the pipe every time. | ||
| No nuance, no subtlety to it. | ||
| Like you're gonna subscribe to whatever the agenda is or subscribe to whatever the ideology, you know, fits. | ||
| There's a fetishization of being outraged or being offended, you know, for a lot of like on both sides of the thing where you've, you know, I mean, there's genuine outrage and there's genuine being offended at things that there should be, you know, you should be offended by. | ||
| But then there's some of these people that you see, it just seems like, well, you're kind of reaching. | ||
| They're recreationally offended. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They're looking for it. | ||
| There's a lot of reaching. | ||
| But there's also, I think a lot of it is people just getting used to this new ability to communicate. | ||
| And they're finding that, I think for some of these people, some of these people are severely socially retarded. | ||
| And they're finding that they can get love and support when they say things that other folks will agree with. | ||
| So then that's all they say. | ||
| All they're doing is saying things they think other people will agree with. | ||
| And they'll just sound these things out and say them. | ||
| And most of it is like, duh. | ||
| There's a lot of stuff like, we should end sexual discrimination. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| Who the fuck doesn't... | ||
| Are you really going to end sexual discrimination by writing about it on Twitter? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Like, it's gonna be 99% of people that say, check, yes, we should end sexual discrimination. | ||
| There's a recent study that showed that most people that work out and exercise, he's backing up, sucking on that robot dick. | ||
| Hear it? | ||
| You hear it, folks? | ||
| I gotta get you one of these, dude. | ||
| These don't make any sound, bro. | ||
| You just gotta fucking cut your hands up while you carry it. | ||
| That's all these sharp edges. | ||
| Look at those sharp edges. | ||
| You know what you could use this for? | ||
| If you had a particularly tough cut of meat, you could roll this fucker all over the meat, and it would really soften it up nicely. | ||
| It's a tenderizer. | ||
| Yeah, it's a meat tenderizer. | ||
| I mean, it really is. | ||
| If you didn't have a meat tenderizer in your house, you could absolutely use this giant hunk of copper. | ||
| It's fucking weight. | ||
| That's a sound. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But I think... | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| I put it on the wrong spot. | ||
| I put the... | ||
| I put it heads down. | ||
| Heads up. | ||
| Piece of shit. | ||
| Thanks for sending it, though. | ||
| I've overseen it. | ||
| House fire with that. | ||
| If you just left it up overnight, and then the whole copper heats up and just burns through your table. | ||
| You know what happened? | ||
| It would make weird noises, and then your cat would come over, and your cat would touch it with his paw, and then he would burst into flames, and then he would jump on the couch, freaking out, and then the couch would go up, and then your fucking whole house would go into flames. | ||
| And it's a Ben Stiller movie. | ||
| It's just like what it is. | ||
| Yeah, it was more like an Adam Sandler movie. | ||
| No. | ||
| It'd be more Ben Stiller, right? | ||
| Maybe Will Ferrell. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'll say Will Ferrell. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think that the internet and the ability to communicate, it's so fresh that there's all these archetype, stereotypical sort of characters that have come up, like the right wing guy. | ||
| You know who's a great one to follow? | ||
| Chuck Woolery. | ||
| The guy from 2 and 2. We'll be right back in 2 and 2. Guy does his bitch about Obama. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| All day. | ||
| It's all about the Dems. | ||
| He writes things like, when you write the Dems, you're an idiot. | ||
| If you write the Dems or the Libs, you're retarded, okay? | ||
| No-bama. | ||
| Yeah, no-bama's great. | ||
| No-bama. | ||
| But all he does is complain about Obama all day. | ||
| All day. | ||
| His fucking entire Twitter feed is complaining about the liberals. | ||
| Meanwhile, he's living in Texas and bass fishing and whining and doing commercials for prostate pills. | ||
| Does he do... | ||
| I feel like a lot of those guys do. | ||
| Does he have a radio show? | ||
| I don't think he does. | ||
| Does he? | ||
| Is he auditioning for a radio show? | ||
| Is that what the Twitter feed is of? | ||
| Here's his... | ||
| Oh, he has a... | ||
| Save Us Chuck. | ||
| Oh, come on. | ||
| I did his show back... | ||
| Hold on a second. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| Today on Save Us Chuck... | ||
| Get the fuck out of here! | ||
| That's his show? | ||
| That is so ridiculous. | ||
| The idea that you would call your show Save Us Chuck. | ||
| Political satire from a Hollywood conservative. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Oh, it's political satire? | ||
| Is that what it is? | ||
| You know what would be better? | ||
| If somebody, like, Onion-style made a Save Us Chuck and just mocked it openly. | ||
| Nothing ever gets saved from an old actor. | ||
| I mean... | ||
| Don't even play any of it, Jamie. | ||
| He's probably gonna run for a congressman or something wherever he lives. | ||
| Game show legend Chuck Woolery considers why Democrats are willing to support Bonner. | ||
| NASA and global warming. | ||
| When the government is in charge of your funding, you tow the company line, just like all government-funded science. | ||
| What does that mean? | ||
| Does he mean he doesn't believe in global warming? | ||
| Of course you don't. | ||
| That's an ideological thing. | ||
| The right wing are reluctant to agree in climate change being something that's a product of human beings. | ||
| Is he running for president? | ||
| It says, if you elect me president, my press secretary would be... | ||
| Oh my god, is he serious? | ||
| Oh, I hope that happens. | ||
| And he writes, if you, in gigantic capital letters, elect me president. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Write him in. | |
| Write him in. | ||
| That would be hilarious. | ||
| That would be great. | ||
| I always felt like he seemed like a nice guy when he was on that show. | ||
| I did his show. | ||
| I did the dating game. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Get the fuck out of here! | |
| When I was 18 years old. | ||
| No! | ||
| I did stand-up at the Laugh Factory when I was 18, and they had scouts for the dating game in the audience, and they were like, I guess at that time they were doing two contestants, and then the third contestant was always a comedian. | ||
| So they were going, trying to find kids that were doing stand-up, and like, basically, you want to be on the dating game? | ||
| So I got to go do. | ||
| What was that like? | ||
| It was weird. | ||
| I mean, it was actually really like... | ||
| Because of laws or whatever, they had to make sure that everything is as they say, so you're not allowed to see the other contestant. | ||
| You're not allowed to see the girl. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So they have people following you around with walkie-talkies. | ||
| To make sure you don't look at her? | ||
| Contestant number three is on the way to the bathroom. | ||
| You know, make sure that... | ||
| So there's really a lot of security. | ||
| Wow, that's interesting. | ||
| Did you meet Chuck? | ||
| Did you hang with him? | ||
| Did you talk to him about the libs? | ||
| No. | ||
| He... | ||
| I met him when the show started. | ||
| Here's a perfect ticket. | ||
| Chuck Woolery, Ted Nugent. | ||
| Together. | ||
| At last. | ||
| Come on. | ||
| I'd vote for it. | ||
| Would you? | ||
| Just to see what happens? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I would vote for someone ridiculous like that if they got in office and see things go exactly the same way they've always gone. | ||
| Just like Obama. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's the kind of thing I would be really fascinated with. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Like, you know, it'd be like, I bet. | ||
| You know, like, really see, like, how much power the president actually has. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I would love to see what happens if you did elect. | ||
| Social stuff, though, is dangerous. | ||
| The real danger with things like... | ||
| When really hardcore Republicans get in, it's things like gay rights, abortion rights, things along those lines. | ||
| That is a real... | ||
| Marijuana legalization, the support of the DEA, raiding medical marijuana. | ||
| That's real. | ||
| That's real. | ||
| They really do have an impact on social issues. | ||
| Supreme Court justices. | ||
| That's a big one. | ||
| That's a big power the president has. | ||
| Yeah, choosing those right-wing fuckheads who barely believe in evolution. | ||
| If they said you can vote for a starfish and a puppy and just see what happens, I bet a lot of people would vote for it. | ||
| We would go to war with Iran the next day. | ||
| Starfish hates Iran. | ||
| The puppy's with it. | ||
| Who would be the president? | ||
| The starfish or the puppy? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The crazy thing is, they're talking about Jeb Bush and Hillary Clinton. | ||
| That is, to me, insane. | ||
| Because doesn't it feel like, you know, just like... | ||
| Oh, the whole thing's fake. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| The whole thing, oh, I mean, you kind of felt it the whole time, but isn't this like, this is the smoking gun, like, oh, it's all rigged. | ||
| It's all been a trick. | ||
| I mean, Clinton for eight years, old Bush for four, and then young Bush for eight years. | ||
| We got Obama, like, hey, we got a new name! | ||
| And then, what, is Obama's wife gonna run next? | ||
| Or the kids. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You have Chelsea Clinton, then you've got... | ||
| No, but they really do! | ||
| They've got another, they've got a brand new Bush. | ||
| They're down in Texas. | ||
|
unidentified
|
A new one? | |
| Who's the new one? | ||
| Neil, or something. | ||
| Neil? | ||
| He just ran for Treasury, or something. | ||
| And he won, and he's young, and he's handsome, and he's like, they're saying, like, he's like the next in queue. | ||
| Oh, God. | ||
| Neil Bush. | ||
| No, that's not Neil. | ||
| It's another one. | ||
| He's fairly young. | ||
| Look up, like, Texas. | ||
| Midland, Texas. | ||
| It's recent. | ||
| How many Bushes are there? | ||
| Neil Bush and his family. | ||
| Maybe it's not Neil. | ||
| It's another George. | ||
| Scary-ass robots. | ||
| Yeah, he's a Texas. | ||
| He just won election this year or last year. | ||
| Chuck Woolery. | ||
| That's who I'm voting for, goddammit. | ||
| Save us, Chuck. | ||
| We'll be right back in two and two. | ||
| He would end all his fucking press conferences like that. | ||
| Oh, god. | ||
| I wonder if he would be terrified if he won the presidency, just being like, oh. | ||
| I wonder if he would realize that he's not Probably capable of being president or if you just not get it at all. | ||
| Just be like, I should be president. | ||
| I think he probably thinks he should be president. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Ted Nugent thinks he should be president. | ||
| It's a narcissism thing. | ||
| Just the idea that I should be in charge is... | ||
| All presidents are probably crazy. | ||
| I don't think anybody should be president. | ||
| I really don't think that it should be an option. | ||
| It should be a computer. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, we'll probably get there in the next 20 years. | ||
| We have a computer, we program in all of our laws, you know, and we were like, okay, now, you know, make the right choice. | ||
| Yeah, but it's programmed by people, and people can influence the programming. | ||
| I mean, that was one of the big deals with electronic voting machines, right? | ||
| No, we have that computer be built by a computer. | ||
| Oh, well then we're fucked. | ||
| Because the computer is just going to take over. | ||
| Then it's like what Elon Musk is worried about. | ||
| George P. Bush. | ||
| See, look at that. | ||
| That's going to be the next. | ||
| He's going to be president. | ||
| He's got a lazy eye. | ||
| Look at that left eye. | ||
| So did Kennedy. | ||
| Somebody punched him. | ||
| Kennedy had a lazy eye? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I dated a girl who had a lazy eye and I found lazy eye sexy for a short period of time. | ||
| She was kind of a freak. | ||
| She was a freak with a lazy eye. | ||
| I developed a lazy eye fetish for at least a year. | ||
| Did you... | ||
|
unidentified
|
What is that? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| It's a very small you porn search. | ||
| Well, why are glasses hot? | ||
| Girls with glasses are hot, you know? | ||
| Girls with crutches aren't hot. | ||
| Like, why is some disabilities hot? | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| You know, a girl with glasses is something sexy about, like, hot chicks with glasses. | ||
| Because it's like a library. | ||
| It's like an older authority figure. | ||
| Glasses are authority. | ||
| Ooh, is that what it is? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| Someone who's reading so much, their eyes go bad. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Look at that hot bitch. | ||
| She can't even see. | ||
| Plus, you can take your glasses off your ugly. | ||
| She doesn't even know. | ||
| She can feel you, though, if you're fat and ugly. | ||
| She'd be like, damn, she can feel me. | ||
| She can't see me. | ||
| Girl with glasses and no hands. | ||
| There you go. | ||
| She can feel your weight on top of her, though. | ||
| You know, she wraps her legs around you. | ||
| She's like, what is all this fucking fat, you slob? | ||
| Like, what are you talking about? | ||
| You don't have hands. | ||
| What are you being picky for? | ||
| Fetishes are weird, man. | ||
| I had a foot fetish too when I was a kid for a little while. | ||
| I got rid of it. | ||
| That's a popular one. | ||
| I don't get it. | ||
| I don't get that one. | ||
| All you need is one girl when you're like 18 to play with your dick with her feet. | ||
| And then you got it. | ||
| And then you're good. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| It's over. | ||
| All you need is one bad nanny growing up, and you got a foot fetish. | ||
| Yeah, I used to talk about it in my act. | ||
| There was a magazine that we found in the woods once when I was a kid. | ||
| It was Foot Action Magazine. | ||
| It was me and these two friends of mine, my friend Josh and my friend Pedro. | ||
| And we're going over these magazines. | ||
| Like some dude left a magazine bag, like a plastic bag under a log. | ||
| And when you're a kid and you're in the woods and you find magazines, it's almost always porn. | ||
| And so we're going through this magazine and it was just like no one was talking because it was all like foot stuff. | ||
| You know, it's like weird. | ||
| And then like three minutes in my friend goes, dude, this shit is all just dicks and feet. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'll never forget him saying that. | |
| I'll never forget those words coming out of his mouth. | ||
| Because we were totally quiet while we were confused. | ||
| Because we were only like 11. And he's like, dude, this shit is all just dicks and feet. | ||
| And articles. | ||
| There was no articles, man. | ||
| You know, obviously, again, pre-internet. | ||
| You know, any 11-year-old kid has probably seen hours of hardcore ass porn. | ||
| At this point, yeah. | ||
| I just think it's so crazy. | ||
| I mean, there's a time where there's just like, you know, guys would just go out into the woods with a foot magazine and just jerk off and leave it there. | ||
| Like, that's like the scariest person I can think of. | ||
| Meanwhile, there's probably someone listening to us right now with earbuds jerking off to a foot magazine. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's not that weird. | |
| Hey, how'd you guys know, man? | ||
| I mean, when you get enough numbers, you know, you get like a million people that listen to a podcast at once, you know, there's got to be one dude out there jerking off to a foot magazine. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| If you looked at it, there's a million, yeah, right? | ||
| That's one of the bigger fetishes, isn't it? | ||
| Probably. | ||
| It's a pretty big one. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What are their big fetishes? | ||
| Like big girls? | ||
| Some guys like really big girls? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's all those kids that dress up like animals. | ||
| Furries. | ||
| Furries. | ||
| Have you ever seen them? | ||
| Been there alive? | ||
| We were playing a festival in Atlanta, and it was the furry convention in town, same day. | ||
| And we were all in the same hotel room, and we had driven from Florida. | ||
| We had just done a show in Florida, and then we were sketched out by the hotel that was provided for us. | ||
| We were like, we're just gonna fucking drive to Atlanta. | ||
| So we drove all night. | ||
| So we got into the... | ||
| That hotel was so sketchy, you drove all night? | ||
| There was blood. | ||
| We flipped the mattress over, and there was blood on the bottom of it. | ||
| Slip it back. | ||
| No, we flipped it for a reason. | ||
| Shit on one side. | ||
| So we're like, fuck this, we're driving to Atlanta. | ||
| So we drove like all night and then we get in and we're like, we're all almost like delirious, like tired. | ||
| So I'm like, I get into the hotel and then we're seeing all these furries everywhere. | ||
| And I was like, what the fuck? | ||
| Is there a mascot convention in town? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah. | |
| Well, the weird thing is like kids are coming up to them because the kids see like, you know, oh, it's a mascot and they're like hugging them. | ||
| I'm like, don't hug that costume. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's not goofy. | ||
| But I checked into my room, and there was, you know, most of the hotel was rented by furries, and there was the loudest, like, sex going on, like, against the wall while I was trying to sleep, and all I wanted to do was, like, midday, and I just wanted to get, like, a couple hours of sleep before the show that night, and it's just, like, loud sex, and then these guys just getting in fights, being like, I would never... | ||
| I would never, just repeating that again and again, I would never, like, you know, and then just more sex kind of stuff. | ||
| And then it was, that's my only encounter with furries. | ||
| I stumbled upon one as well in Pittsburgh. | ||
| I was in Pittsburgh, and apparently that's one of the places where they have big, they used to have a big one in San Diego, but they moved it to Pittsburgh because Pittsburgh is more open-minded than San Diego. | ||
| That doesn't make any sense to me, but this guy was telling me that he might be bullshitting me, but apparently San Diego's like a pretty conservative town in a lot of ways, because there's a lot of military down there. | ||
| Well, you put a furry convention in a military community, that's probably not... | ||
| I had never seen it in person. | ||
| And it was just total dumb luck that we were in town the exact same time. | ||
| And when we got to our hotel, the people that were working there were ecstatic to talk to people that weren't furries and wanted to tell you all the things that furries were asking for. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, wow. | |
| And one of the crazy things they were asking for, they want all their food in bowls. | ||
| They want to eat on the ground like a dog. | ||
| And they asked, like, room service, they could deliver their food in bowls, like milk. | ||
| They wanted milk in a bowl, like a dog, so they could drink out of it. | ||
| And they wanted a litter box in the hallway. | ||
| They asked for a litter box in the lobby. | ||
| They gotta draw the line there. | ||
| The guy was like, what? | ||
| And I said, hold on. | ||
| The guy asked you to put a regular-sized litter box? | ||
| He goes, no, they wanted a large box. | ||
| They wanted to pay to have a large litter box installed in the lobby. | ||
| And their thoughts were, hey, we have this whole hotel. | ||
| We bought out the whole hotel. | ||
| It wasn't the whole hotel. | ||
| I was in the hotel, too. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But there was a few other people that weren't furries. | ||
| So you want to shit in the lobby. | ||
| They wanted to shit in the lobby. | ||
| That's insane. | ||
| Or at least pee. | ||
| Like, they asked the guy. | ||
| I mean, they could have been pulling the guy's leg. | ||
| But I guarantee you, if the guy said yes, somebody would have shit in that lobby. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| If they had, like, a big, like, sandbox. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, one of the ones that kids play in, filled with cat litter. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I love... | ||
| I love going to, like, different, like, groups' message boards and just, like, hanging out on them, like, lurking on them and just reading them. | ||
| And it's, like, one of my favorite things to do at night. | ||
| And I've been on, like, furry ones before. | ||
| And it's like, they're, like, serious about that stuff. | ||
| It's insane. | ||
| It's like... | ||
| And that is a very new thing. | ||
| Something happened. | ||
| I don't know if it's Wi-Fi signals or cell phone service, but something... | ||
| Something did something to people. | ||
| Vaccines! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Jenny McCarthy's right. | ||
| What if it's, um, there's the other thing, these spirit animals. | ||
| Like, people, like, I'm a fox kin, like, fox is my spirit animal. | ||
| Other kins. | ||
| There's planet kins. | ||
| There's girls who think that, I do a song about it on this new album. | ||
| I do a song called Bullies. | ||
| Where the whole point of the song is like, you know, everyone's cracking down on these bullies, but like, okay, fine, bullies are bad, but like, if the bullies go away, we're screwed. | ||
| Like, because... | ||
| People gotta get out of control. | ||
| Because they're keeping you in line. | ||
| Like, you know, when I was a kid, I... You know, you go away for the summer. | ||
| You know, you don't see your friends so much like that. | ||
| And so I was really into Ninja Turtles. | ||
| And like, and so then when it gets to be around like 13 or years old, like I come back to school with all my Ninja Turtle toys, you know, thinking that everybody's going to like, you know, be still into Ninja Turtles. | ||
| And then everybody just made fun of me. | ||
| Like, what are you doing with toys? | ||
| Like, and I was like, okay, good. | ||
| Duly noted. | ||
| Got rid of them. | ||
| And it was fine. | ||
| Like, you know, because the bullies kept me in line. | ||
| They kind of told me like, that's not cool anymore. | ||
| Yeah, they mock you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| When I was a kid, I was 11, and I moved from Florida to Boston, and I guess I was 11, 12, I might have been 13. Yeah, about 13 and I guess I was in middle school and I went to this I was in Jamaica Plain, which is kind of it now it's become more gentrified But when I lived there it was pretty sketchy. | ||
| It was like late 70s early like maybe 1980 at the latest 1980 I think high school freshman year was 81 for me. | ||
| So I guess it was like 1979 or 1980 and I had like an incredible Hulk lunchbox And, you know, and when you're in a fucking, you know, quote-unquote urban middle school and you show up with a fucking cartoon lunchbox, you get shit all over. | ||
| I had that lunchbox for one day. | ||
| I remember, like, I was so happy I got this lunchbox. | ||
| I was, like, super psyched. | ||
| I love the Hulk. | ||
| And they fucking looked at me like I was, like, a victim. | ||
| Like, I was, like, ready. | ||
| I was going to get attacked. | ||
| Like, I was a limping antelope straying in front of the waterhole. | ||
| Back of the herd. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, I realized, like, I gotta get rid of this thing. | ||
| I remember thinking to myself, I gotta leave it in a locker somewhere. | ||
| I gotta take this lunchbox and just leave it somewhere. | ||
| I can't even bring it home because, like, I'm in danger carrying it around. | ||
| Like, carrying it around like it was a target. | ||
| None of the other kids had lunchboxes with, like, cartoons. | ||
| Like, there was no innocence at all. | ||
| It was non-existent. | ||
| It was like a dangerous, creepy school environment. | ||
| And here I am walking around with this fucking lunchbox. | ||
| But if you didn't have that experience, you could be dressing up like Hulk today, being in a hotel room with like... | ||
| Comic-Con. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But it's not bad. | ||
| I mean, Comic-Con, I've never been. | ||
| I've been to San Diego while it was happening. | ||
| They're having a good time, you know? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| No, I think there's a huge difference between the cosplayers and Comic-Con and furries. | ||
| What's the difference? | ||
| I think that they'll... | ||
| Are you backtracking? | ||
| No, I'll stick with it. | ||
| I'll stick with it. | ||
| Okay, let's explore this. | ||
| Well, I think the furry thing, and I'm probably wrong, but the quick take that I get away from it, is that it seems to be a lot about sex. | ||
| You know, like dressing up and having sex with other animals. | ||
| They defend that, though. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| If you bring that up to furries... | ||
| They say, no, it's not about that. | ||
| Furries contact me, because we shit on them in a podcast, because, you know, I've heard that as well, and they say, it's not about that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But that's what people say about anything. | ||
|
unidentified
|
True. | |
| People don't want to ever admit it's just about sex, about weird... | ||
| But on the other hand, now I'm even doubting myself, I'm playing devil's advocate to myself, even if it is about that, and it's just a person who wants to dress up like an animal and fuck another guy dressed like an animal, who gives a shit, really? | ||
| I mean, I think it's weird, but it doesn't affect me at all. | ||
| It's voluntary. | ||
| As long as things are voluntary, who cares? | ||
| You can be weird and voluntary. | ||
| It's not a bad thing to want to fuck a mascot. | ||
| Why is that awful? | ||
| But it's also not bad to think it's weird. | ||
| Yeah, it's not bad. | ||
| It's definitely not bad to think it's weird. | ||
| But there's a lot of weird shit that we just accept. | ||
| What's up with garter belts? | ||
| Why do people like thigh-high stockings and elastic bands that connect your underwear to your stocking? | ||
| What the fuck is all that about? | ||
| That's weird shit, too. | ||
| Why is that hot? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Lingerie? | ||
| I don't get it. | ||
| Jesus Christ, piece of shit. | ||
| I did it again. | ||
| I set this fucking shitty thing down and it's hot as fuck every time I do it. | ||
| We're gonna burn the studio to the ground. | ||
| The studio's going down. | ||
| But if you look at it like that, it's like a lunar module or something. | ||
| Yeah, it looks like a miniature from like an old sci-fi film. | ||
| I've never seen one so stupid. | ||
| I've seen a bunch of these things. | ||
| I've never seen one this dumb. | ||
| It's like a Flash Gordon dildo. | ||
| I just can't understand why anybody would make it so hard to hold on to. | ||
| Like, the idea that it's so sharp-edged. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How did that happen? | ||
| Where'd that come from? | ||
| What? | ||
| The giant vape thing. | ||
| How come they have the little e-cigarettes, and the little e-cigarettes where it looked like a cigarette, and then it turned into, like, black ones, like, ooh, it's murdered out. | ||
| You got a murdered cigarette. | ||
| It's all black, blacked out. | ||
| And then it turned into these goddamn robots. | ||
| I think it's all battery life. | ||
| I think it's because the batteries in these things, you know, I think this will last like a day. | ||
| You know, you can kind of hit it all day. | ||
| That's it? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That only lasts a day? | ||
| How many times a day do you hit that thing? | ||
| Constantly. | ||
| And you were smoking how much? | ||
| It was a pack a day for a while, and then I switched to this. | ||
| But I bet my nicotine level is through the roof. | ||
| I bet I take in more nicotine now than when I smoked a pack a day. | ||
| But nicotine is not necessarily what's dangerous, right? | ||
| Well, it's not great for you. | ||
| I mean, it'll raise your blood pressure. | ||
| You know, you still got problems with heart attack, stroke, kind of things like that. | ||
| For real? | ||
| Yeah, because it raises, it's a stimulant. | ||
| So it raises your blood pressure. | ||
| You gotta really jack it up all day, though, to get that kind of response, don't you? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Which I do. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I do. | |
| But as far as carcinogens, I think it's pretty in the clear. | ||
| As far as they know, right now. | ||
| Did you ever see that Russell Crowe? | ||
| He's backing up. | ||
| Hear it? | ||
| I'm trying to keep it quiet. | ||
| No, don't worry about it, man. | ||
| What was that Russell Crowe movie, The Insider, is that what it was? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Where he was a scientist that worked for the cigarette companies and he was testifying about all the different chemicals that they put. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's terrifying shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The number of chemicals they allowed, the FDA allowed 599 plus chemicals. | ||
| I mean, I remember, I was just talking about this last week, where there's, um, I remember when I was a kid, you know, you download, like, Anarchist Cookbook and all this stuff from, like, the internet, and There was a CIA handbook that you could download. | ||
| I don't know if it's real or not, but one of the things that they told you how to do in there is they said there's enough chemicals in a pack of cigarettes to kill somebody. | ||
| You boil it down, you distill it, and you can make a paste that you'd put on a doorknob. | ||
| And then if somebody touches it, it'll kill them. | ||
| It'll give them the same type of deal with the nicotine thing, where it's an absorbent toxin. | ||
| That's so crazy. | ||
| That's so crazy. | ||
| It says here, cigarette smoke contains 4,000 chemicals, including 43 known cancer-causing compounds and 400 other toxins. | ||
| 43 out of 4,000 is not that bad, though. | ||
| Only 43 of them cause cancer. | ||
| But there is 599 ingredients. | ||
| So I don't know why there's 599 ingredients and 4,000 chemicals. | ||
| I don't know how that works. | ||
| But all those things were approved. | ||
| That's what's really crazy. | ||
| They say, yeah, yeah, yeah, put that in. | ||
| We're thinking about throwing formaldehyde and just, oh, yeah, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. | ||
| We're still golfing, right? | ||
| Yeah, you're golfing. | ||
| I mean, it's through all these different chemicals, and what's really fascinating about it is the object, or the purpose of all these chemicals is just to try to make you more addictive. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| That's what it is. | ||
| That's where the flavor comes from. | ||
| Does it? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| All those cancer chemicals? | ||
| I mean, they're just, they add a bunch of shit, accordingly, to that movie, that Russell Crowe movie. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Just to try to get you more and more hooked. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Does a great job. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's really addictive. | ||
| Imagine if you came out with a product today that did the damage the cigarette did and you tried to push it. | ||
| You know, if you came out with some new thing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And it killed, you know, fucking half a million people a year. | ||
| Like a vaporizer that gets super hot and burns down. | ||
| This isn't killing anybody, man. | ||
| Not yet. | ||
| It's not mass-produced. | ||
| Do you think they're dangerous? | ||
| No, I was talking about that one because it gets so high. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I mean, it takes a long time to find this stuff out, doesn't it? | ||
| Don't they have to do like 20-year studies and things before they kind of really know? | ||
| I mean, as far as it... | ||
| I read about it because I do it all... | ||
| I use the vaporizer, so I like... | ||
| So you worry? | ||
| Yeah, a little bit. | ||
| I look up whenever I see anything about it, and it seems like they find... | ||
| It's not as good as not doing anything. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| But it's a lot better than smoking. | ||
| It's not as good for you as not doing it, but it's not as bad for you as smoking cigarettes. | ||
| So for people that smoke cigarettes, you've got to kind of weigh your options. | ||
| Like, do you think you're going to be able to quit? | ||
| And if you can, you should just quit on your own. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But if you don't think you're going to be able to quit, you can kind of do that and get your fix. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Is it as good? | ||
| Uh, no, it's not as good. | ||
| But, like, I've been doing it for, like, seven years now, and now I don't even... | ||
| Like, when I want nicotine, I don't think about a cigarette. | ||
| Like, I want... | ||
| You think about that? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| When was the last time you smoked a cigarette? | ||
| An hour ago. | ||
| No. | ||
| I probably actually smoked one probably a month ago, but like one at like a party. | ||
| One? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You could do that? | ||
| Yeah, because I just, I mean, I smoke one cigarette maybe three or four times a year, like really infrequently now. | ||
| Stephen King gives himself one cigarette when he finishes a book. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, wow. | |
| That's why I write so many books. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Probably. | |
| It's his whole motivation. | ||
| But isn't that interesting? | ||
| Like he allows himself a cigarette when he finishes a book. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Huh. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| It's good to help up your productivity. | ||
| There's a documentary that I'm in called The Culture High, a recent documentary by the same people that did this other documentary I was in called The Union, and it's all about how the prison industry and the medical marijuana and marijuana has been demonized, how many people are in jail because of it, and just the percentage of people that are nonviolent drug offenders that are in there because of marijuana, and how many How many people, like, literally the drug war would dissolve if it wasn't for marijuana being illegal. | ||
| The amount of people that get arrested for other drugs pales in comparison. | ||
| But one of the things they talked about was cigarettes, and they said that if you take, if you smoke two packs of cigarettes, that's the breaking number, where you are 4,000 times more likely to get cancer. | ||
| Two packs of cigarettes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| In your life. | ||
| No. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| Every day. | ||
| Oh, every day. | ||
| Two packs a day. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, oh, oh. | |
| 4,000 times more. | ||
| I might have made those numbers up, by the way. | ||
| They sound good. | ||
| I listened to it on a plane. | ||
| I mean, I watched it on a plane. | ||
| Half a week. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| That's a lot of cigarettes though. | ||
| Two packs a day. | ||
| Not for Doug Stanhope. | ||
| That motherfucker throws him down. | ||
| John Mellencamp does four packs a day. | ||
| Does he really? | ||
| I heard that. | ||
| I was in one of his shows about him. | ||
| He smokes like four. | ||
| But when you ever see him in an interview, he's smoking and then he's lighting the other one. | ||
| When that one's going out, he's just going back to back on those things all day. | ||
| I was in Indiana at a UFC, and John Mellencamp was in the audience, and they showed a picture of him. | ||
| They showed the video of him in the crowd, and showed it to the audience, and they booed him. | ||
| Really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Boo! | |
| Liberal! | ||
| And I had to ask, I go, why don't they like John Mellencamp? | ||
| He's from Indiana. | ||
| I was born in a small town, the whole deal? | ||
| Nope. | ||
| He's a liberal. | ||
| He must have said something. | ||
| There must have been something. | ||
| I wonder if he got outspoken on some sort of issue that like... | ||
| Slavery, something like that. | ||
| He don't even like that. | ||
| Yeah, I don't know what it was, man, but they booed the shit out of him and I was like, that is crazy. | ||
| Jack and Diane. | ||
| Yeah, he likes... | ||
| He's too liberal for Indiana. | ||
| At least that crowd, UFC crowd in Indiana. | ||
| They were mad at him. | ||
| I couldn't believe it. | ||
| I was like, this is goddamn John Mellencamp, you fucks. | ||
| Commies. | ||
| I wonder if he had any idea of that before he went, that's gotta suck. | ||
| Go to see like a UFC fight and then the entire like place hates you? | ||
| Yeah, it was a large number of people booing him too. | ||
| It wasn't just like a couple of boos like scattered in the clapping and applause, you know? | ||
| Yeah, that's kind of a, you tell your wife like, you know what, I don't think I need to see the rest of the fight. | ||
| Let's just get in the car. | ||
| Pretend we're going to the bathroom. | ||
| Fire up the car. | ||
| Let's get a fuck out of there before they lynch us. | ||
| There's certain spots in the country where you're not allowed to be liberal. | ||
| You're allowed to be kind of conservative anywhere. | ||
| You'll be mocked, but it's not dangerous per se. | ||
| But if you're a liberal in certain parts of the country, that's the team mentality. | ||
| Are you a Raiders fan? | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| It's like that team mentality really comes out. | ||
| People love to defend their team. | ||
| And when you are a liberal, you're thought to be weak? | ||
| You goddamn bleeding heart. | ||
| Oh, you're going to help all those welfare moms. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know, they just take that money and spend it on fucking drugs. | |
| Don't you know? | ||
| Don't you know? | ||
| Like I was saying, I hang out on all these conspiracy sites, and a lot of them lean right, a lot of conspiracy sites. | ||
| Almost all of them, right? | ||
| Yeah, most of them. | ||
| And remember when Texas was talking about seceding, or Rick Perry was talking about seceding from the union? | ||
| Yeah, that's hilarious. | ||
| When he was about to run for president, which was a weird move. | ||
| But he was like... | ||
| He's like, you know, we can secede. | ||
| And so everybody on the conspiracy boards that were from Texas, there was this big thread where everybody was talking about it. | ||
| And everybody was like, the first thing we're going to do is we're going to go to Austin and just kick everybody's ass. | ||
| That's what he said? | ||
| That was the first thing? | ||
| If we secede, we're going to get Austin. | ||
| This is broken. | ||
| It stopped working. | ||
| Probably burned it all up. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| I gotta put more juice in it? | ||
| Here. | ||
| How much did I burn, dude? | ||
|
unidentified
|
A lot. | |
| That's gross. | ||
| Yeah, isn't Texas like a different sort of a state? | ||
| It's like... | ||
| It's the way they're set up. | ||
| It's the Republic of Texas. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, because they... | ||
| My history's right. | ||
| I think during or leading up to the Civil War, Texas wanted to be part of the Union or it came that Texas could be part of the Union, but then they wouldn't accept them because they thought they didn't want to swing the amount of pro-slave states. | ||
| They didn't want to add another pro-slave state. | ||
| They had an equal amount of pro-slave and non-slave states. | ||
| So they didn't accept Texas's entrance into the Union. | ||
| So they made their own country. | ||
| And then after the Civil War, when they asked Texas to come into the country, they had this kind of caveat. | ||
| Which they're like, okay, but at any point, if we want to leave, we can leave. | ||
| If it gets shitty, it's a prenup. | ||
| Yeah, basically. | ||
| Texas is like the only state that came into the country with a prenup. | ||
| And they were like, okay, but we can leave at any time. | ||
| And so I think that's what Rick Perry was talking about. | ||
| Is this the thing I gotta unscrew? | ||
| This is so goofy. | ||
| There's so much involved in these fucking things. | ||
| I can't believe you can only suck on it like four or five times and it runs out of juice. | ||
| Oh, you sat there cooking it for about ten minutes, probably. | ||
| No, it wasn't that long. | ||
| The first time I caught it, it was going for a minute. | ||
| Yeah, but is that cooking the stuff? | ||
| How come it doesn't come out then? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It was. | |
| But very little. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Alright, so where does it go? | ||
| You put it on that little coil. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That? | |
| This can't be good for you. | ||
| And you've got to make that coil, don't you? | ||
| This is my first and last day. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Because you have to build your own coils on these things. | ||
| What the fuck is wrong with people? | ||
| Like, I have a bunch of wire in my car. | ||
| What's wrong with you? | ||
| I just, I love nicotine. | ||
| Is it really worth it? | ||
| It's the greatest drug. | ||
| Alright, I'm going to pour it in. | ||
| See, ladies and gentlemen, this is what you do. | ||
| Yeah, just a little bit, I think. | ||
| That's probably good. | ||
| This doesn't even give me a buzz, though. | ||
| I'd rather have a cigar. | ||
| You ever see that? | ||
| There's a video... | ||
| Oh, I fucking spilled everything in there. | ||
| Watch out, you're gonna have a heart attack. | ||
| Really? | ||
| No. | ||
| There's a video of this guy hand-rolling a Cuban cigar with a GoPro on his head. | ||
| It's pretty dope. | ||
| You get to see how they do it. | ||
| There's so much skill involved in that. | ||
| Are those legal here now? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| That's cool. | ||
| You're only allowed to have a few, though. | ||
| Do they sell them? | ||
| Can you buy them in Los Angeles? | ||
| That's a good question. | ||
| But I think you're allowed to have a few now because we're kind of opening up the thing. | ||
| Jamie, find that out. | ||
| There's a number that you're allowed to have. | ||
| I'm pretty sure. | ||
| I'd imagine you could buy them now. | ||
| There's a lot of counterfeit ones. | ||
| And apparently there's so much of a demand for Cuban cigars that the quality has diminished for some of them. | ||
| Yeah, they're just not worth as much as they used to be. | ||
| They're just not as good, rather, as they used to be because the soil's getting depleted. | ||
| There's a lot of fake ones, a lot of counterfeit Cuban cigars, but it's another one of those things just like the fucking rich guys that want to go to Everest. | ||
| But do they sell them here in the States yet? | ||
| I just did it again. | ||
| I put this fucking stupid thing face up. | ||
| I might be retarded. | ||
| I need to go to a doctor. | ||
| Maybe that's what's happening. | ||
| This thing's making me stupid. | ||
| That's what they'll find out. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| That's what happened to everybody. | ||
| Well, then, why does Stephen King say it makes him smarter? | ||
| Well, he's just saying it makes him... | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Made his brain work. | ||
| Maybe it makes him... | ||
| Maybe it makes you more creative, but not smarter. | ||
| Well, that's what Tony Hinchcliffe says. | ||
| Tony Hinchcliffe says when he smokes and he writes, it's just way better. | ||
| It's like his brain just is firing up. | ||
| Well, it's almost like, you know, all those, well, I guess everybody smoked, so it's not really, you know, but like all those old writers, you think about like Hemingway or anything, it's all smoking and drinking and all this stuff. | ||
| Well, how about NASA? When they were trying to do the moon landing shit, they were all in the fucking control room, they were all puffing. | ||
| It's kind of crazy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They all had those weird, like, uh... | ||
| They were smoking in the spaceship. | ||
| It was just... | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| I don't know. | ||
| They're smoking on the moon. | ||
| There's like so many cigarette butts up there. | ||
| They put the flag on the moon. | ||
| Buzz Aldrin. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Yeah, the control room, though, in Houston, when they were all, like, monitoring it, like, they were all smoking. | ||
| There was a bunch of guys smoking. | ||
| And they all looked like Peter Parker's boss from Spider-Man. | ||
| Like, those haircuts. | ||
| What was his name? | ||
| J. Jonah Jameson? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's what everybody looked like. | ||
| They all died when they were 50. Cancer, see ya. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| You got to a certain age. | ||
| There's no wise old men. | ||
| They didn't make it. | ||
| Smoke cigarettes, die. | ||
| A few hearty souls lasted deep in their 60s and they talked like this. | ||
| Remember those things you'd see? | ||
|
unidentified
|
People have those things on their neck so they could talk to you like this. | |
| Do they do that anymore? | ||
| Is that a thing? | ||
| That's a good question. | ||
| There's a commercial that they air from some woman. | ||
| She was beautiful when she was younger and then she smoked a lot of cigarettes and got cancer and now half her face is missing and she's got no throat. | ||
| She wears a wig and she has the whole... | ||
| I really hate those commercials. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And she wears this thing on her neck. | |
| I get the point of the commercials, but they're so unpleasant, which is the point. | ||
| There was a hack thing the comedians used to do. | ||
| I don't know who invented it first. | ||
| I think it was probably Hicks who first started putting the microphone. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He put a microphone on his neck and started talking like this. | |
| And then Leary kind of ripped it off from Hicks and a bunch of other people started ripping it off from each other. | ||
| It became like, well, no one can tell you you can't do that. | ||
| It was the hack thing to do. | ||
| You did a thing about smoking. | ||
| Stick the microphone on your neck to represent those things. | ||
| Remember, they used to have a thing they used to have to put. | ||
| Yeah, it was... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like a fake voice box. | |
| It was just something that vibrated, right? | ||
| It did what your vocal cords would do. | ||
| Yeah, or it somehow or another picked up on the sounds you were trying to make with your fucking cancer-ridden neck. | ||
| And now we'll just be able to send it through our minds because of that technology. | ||
| So that's the new. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And maybe your mind would work better if you're smoking. | |
| Nobody would worry about throat cancer anymore. | ||
| You don't even need that fucking thing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We're on our way to becoming aliens, right? | ||
| Aliens have those little tiny mouths because they didn't need them anymore. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Big, giant, stupid heads. | ||
| Because all they're doing is sending data with their heads. | ||
| They need a large hard drive up there. | ||
| Well, we'll probably end up just being computers. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| Where they'll upload us into some sort of hard drive. | ||
| Because... | ||
| Probably more complicated than that we're probably going to be some sort of artificial creation like an artificial body like not necessarily a computer but like you know everything about us artificial not like living well you know eventually probably a virtual thing we'll probably realize like why we so hung up on bodies Yeah. | ||
| Like, maybe they'll just be, it'll probably just be like a computer that has versions of us, just kind of out of, well, it's good to know where you came from. | ||
| You know, computers paying respect, like, let's keep, you know, a lot of them virtually inside of us, and then the computers will go out and explore the galaxy and kind of, you know, and we'll just be kind of an interesting footnote, you know, that they kind of pay respect to. | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We'll be like, when you go to the zoo and you see those like fake cave people, you know, there are like statues of the fake people by the cave. | ||
| Like in the Anderthals. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like this is where we came from, you know, they were kind of not as smart as we are. | ||
| And that's what we'll be to the computers. | ||
| We'll have people, these are early men, they'll have people that are just bent over looking at their phone. | ||
| And they're like, that's baby us. | ||
| That's them with baby us. | ||
| Yeah, instead of having a club, one of those big caveman Flintstones-style clubs with the fur on, like... | ||
| Like, you know, 2001, the Space Odyssey-looking people. | ||
| Instead of that, they just have a dude with an iPhone staring down at it. | ||
| At a Starbucks, tweeting about how great the Jinx was. | ||
| And then they'll have Google Glasses. | ||
| This was the first step. | ||
| They'll have Google Glass, and then the... | ||
| Have you seen the virtual reality ski goggles? | ||
| Where you see the whole world in front of you becomes a desktop, and you start manipulating things in front of you. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| It's like... | ||
| Like Minority Report kind of thing. | ||
| Yeah, but it's all... | ||
| You're wearing goggles, and through these goggles, you could see, like, I could see you, but I also could, like, pull up things in front of you. | ||
| Augmented reality. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| That's what they call them. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yes, augmented reality. | ||
| Augmented reality. | ||
| And then Oculus Rift. | ||
| Yeah, that's gonna be huge. | ||
| That's scary. | ||
| That comes out like this year, right? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I mean, there's versions of it now. | ||
| Like Duncan Trussell has an older version, but he just tried the newest version. | ||
| He called me up screaming and ranting and raving. | ||
| Apparently it's in 4K, so it's just insanely graphic, like insanely high definition, beautiful video. | ||
| The way they film it, they put cameras all over your body, like these little small cameras. | ||
| Everywhere you're moving, that option is available. | ||
| So if you move to the right, they've already got video of that. | ||
| You move to the left, and the processing speed of computers today is apparently good enough to keep up with this. | ||
| And you go into a room, and when you go into this room, there's a guy playing the piano. | ||
| And he goes, you really feel like you're in a room with a guy playing the piano. | ||
| It's that good. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Yeah, I was reading something about this company that's trying to start up where what they're going to do is take these, because I think it's like a spherical camera that is basically recording in all directions at once. | ||
| But they want to go to like Everest, they want to go to the pyramids, they want to plant one of these things and you pay like a monthly service and then you're just sitting in your home and you're like, I want to see what it's like at the pyramids right now. | ||
| You put this on and you're there. | ||
| They're gonna put one on a satellite in low orbit going around the planet so you can just be like floating in space over like anywhere you want and then they're saying that like what's really gonna be crazy about it is how it's gonna change news because like CNN will have their camera like you know Fox News will have their camera so like you know something happens in Ferguson You know, they go down there, and they plant their camera there, and then you can just, all their viewers can just go and actually be at, like, where the news is happening, and you can kind of look around and see for yourself. | ||
| You can watch the State of the Union with, you know, the camera there, and you see what your specific state senator's doing. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| You can see John McCain playing poker on his phone, talking about going to war with Syria. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Remember when that was going on? | ||
| He was advocating going to war with Syria, and he was playing fucking poker. | ||
| Angry Birds. | ||
| They caught him doing it, too, man. | ||
| He's still working there. | ||
| Like, that should be something you should be paying attention to, man. | ||
| Maybe we should get somebody in there who's paying attention and not playing poker on their fucking phone, dude. | ||
| Christ! | ||
| How trivial is war to you? | ||
| It's less important than Farmville. | ||
| Ugh, he can't help it. | ||
| He can't help it. | ||
| It's like someone's sitting there talking to you at dinner. | ||
| They have to check their phone. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And the call of kings and queens and aces just pulls him in. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How old is he? | ||
| A thousand. | ||
| Because people were like, when he was running for president, people were like, he's going to die in the next year or two. | ||
| And that was eight years ago now. | ||
| Well, he's unhealthy, too. | ||
| I mean, it's not like he's just old and he exercises a lot and, you know, he's not Jack LaWayne. | ||
| I mean, he was really fucked up because of being a prisoner of war. | ||
| I mean, he was tortured and his shoulders are fucked up, like, really beyond repair. | ||
| That's the thing. | ||
| Like, he can't raise his hands. | ||
| He can't, like, raise his arms over his head. | ||
| He's not like physically well, but he makes sense sometimes just weird You know he's not off about everything like he starts talking like one of the things about when he and Obama were debating He was they were talking about going into Afghanistan and You know Obama was like, you know, we'll just go in we'll send troops. | ||
| We'll take care of the bad guys and And McCain was like, whoa, wait a minute, man. | ||
| That's when McCain made sense, because this guy was in war, was a prisoner of fucking war, was tortured, held by the Viet Cong. | ||
| And he was like, it is not that easy, man. | ||
| Do you know what it's like over there? | ||
| One of the things that he said that really fucking stunned me, and I had to research it, and it turns out it's totally true. | ||
| He said, most of Afghanistan operates essentially exactly the way it did when Alexander the Great was around. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hmm. | |
| You're talking about a country that's never been conquered. | ||
| The terrain itself makes it almost impenetrable. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You're going to send troops into the mountains? | |
| Our plan to bankrupt the Russians was to get them involved over there with the same people that we're fighting now. | ||
| We set this great trap and then Walked, like, you know, just forgot about it. | ||
| It's like the kid from Home Alone went home one day and forgot all the stuff that he had set for the burglars. | ||
| Well, it's almost like they set a trap and then didn't realize that a trap had heroin in it. | ||
| They're like, oh, wait a minute. | ||
| This isn't a trap. | ||
| We left all that great heroin in there. | ||
| Forget what I said. | ||
| Forget what I said. | ||
| Let's try one more time, but do it right and grow heroin, okay? | ||
| This is going to cost us so much money. | ||
| Not really. | ||
| It's actually just a lot of money there just sitting around. | ||
| CIA can move it. | ||
| It'll all be fine. | ||
| The beautiful thing they found recently, they said they found recently, that there's trillions of dollars worth of minerals in the mountains. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Lithium, stuff they use to make batteries. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| To blow on this thing. | ||
| Now it makes noise. | ||
| I think it broke it. | ||
| I think it broke it. | ||
| Is it full? | ||
| It's full. | ||
| You had to do it because you saw me do it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know. | |
| You get that pull. | ||
| It's a monkey see, monkey do. | ||
| It's exciting. | ||
| It's like Pavlov's dog. | ||
| Ring that bell. | ||
| This is not going to be a regular thing, folks, if you listen to this podcast. | ||
| He asked me if he could do his, and I said, all right, yeah, do it, man. | ||
| And then I'm just fucking doing it, too. | ||
| I have bottles of this shit. | ||
| What if I drank that? | ||
| How quick would I die? | ||
| Probably pretty quick. | ||
| You think? | ||
| I think within... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, the whole bottle? | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| Uh, $10 says that you die within. | ||
| If you pour that into someone's drink, like, you know, people are always talking about, like, pouring, uh, roofies in someone's drink. | ||
| What if you pour this into, like, someone had, like, a Jager bomb? | ||
| Yeah, you just have a heart attack. | ||
| You just probably have a heart attack within a couple hours. | ||
| God. | ||
| Yeah, right? | ||
| The stimulant. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| This guy sent me fucking heart attack juice. | ||
| I got it on my fingers. | ||
| Is that bad? | ||
| I don't think, I don't think... | ||
| Dude, you had gloves on, man. | ||
| Yeah, but that was back in 2007. I'm sure they've changed the formula. | ||
| I'm sure this random guy... | ||
| This guy's cool. | ||
| I don't even know what his face looks like. | ||
| How dare I? The whole thing is ridiculous, man. | ||
| What's the next thing, you know? | ||
| Well, they vaporized alcohol now. | ||
| Have you seen that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| If you look it up on YouTube, it's crazy. | ||
| No. | ||
| Yeah, it's this little kit you can buy, and you heat it up, and you put alcohol in it, and then people are just taking these vapor hits of alcohol. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| And then the FDA just legalized powdered alcohol this week. | ||
| So now you can snort vodka. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| They approved it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That can't be good. | |
| But, you know, it sounds worth trying. | ||
| Would you try it? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| How would you know how much to take? | ||
| Just guess. | ||
| Like, you know, one of the good things about alcohol is it's super powerful, but you kind of know what a shot of tequila is. | ||
| Right. | ||
| A shot of tequila is pretty uniform. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| You know, that's why, like, whiskey is okay, but moonshine's illegal. | ||
| Okay, I guess. | ||
| I never thought about it, but yeah, you're probably right. | ||
| Some moonshine. | ||
| Because there's some sort of... | ||
| Well, isn't moonshine just illegal because it's unregulated? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, and they don't know what the percentage is that you're putting in there? | ||
| Like, ever clear. | ||
| That stuff's legal, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| In some states. | ||
| Some states it's not. | ||
| Some states it's not. | ||
| Yeah, states have weird laws on booze. | ||
| Like, Utah's got weird laws on booze. | ||
| Like, your beer can't even be that strong. | ||
| Yeah, because Mormons. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Fucking Mormons. | ||
| I was there recently, and it was hilarious. | ||
| When we landed, we were coming down the escalator, and there was all these people that were waiting there for the missionaries to return, the elders, who were in foreign countries convincing these poor people to sign up and become Mormons. | ||
| And not drink caffeine. | ||
| It's so fucked up, man. | ||
| So we're coming down the... | ||
| No, you can drink caffeine. | ||
| Really? | ||
| You just can't drink coffee. | ||
| It's a loophole. | ||
| You can't drink... | ||
| You can't drink coffee, but you can drink caffeine. | ||
| So my friend who was a Mormon used to drink monster energy drinks all day. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| And I was like, wait a minute. | ||
| You're not allowed to drink coffee, but you can drink that? | ||
| He's like, yeah, it's not covered. | ||
| It's not covered by Jesus. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Jesus doesn't say anything about fucking Zion's energy drinks. | ||
| He's cool with taurine. | ||
| What is taurine? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| Is that bad for you? | ||
| Probably. | ||
| That's the shit that's in Red Bull, right? | ||
| This fucking dude, and I'm not telling, I'm not lying. | ||
| He, I never saw him. | ||
| It was like his arm is connected to his can of fucking Monster Energy drink. | ||
| He would drink that shit all day long. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Everyone's got to have something. | ||
| If that's the only thing you can have, then you're going to be addicted to that. | ||
| Well, before he was a Mormon, he had some issues with some substances. | ||
| And then his wife got him to convert over, and then he just went with the program. | ||
| But he liked his caffeine, so he became a monstrous energy drink kind of a guy. | ||
| But a lot of those dudes that are like AA guys... | ||
| Cigarettes and coffee. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They're not drug free by any goddamn stretch of the imagination. | ||
| They're just not taking anything that just obliterates your consciousness. | ||
| Right. | ||
| They're just altering it on a consistent basis. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Or something that's a little easier on your liver. | ||
| Yeah, it's definitely easy. | ||
| Well, the cigarettes aren't. | ||
| Cigarettes are bad for your liver? | ||
| I didn't know that. | ||
| It's bad for everything. | ||
| Your whole body's like, what do we do with this shit? | ||
| It's in your bloodstream. | ||
| Your pancreas, apparently. | ||
| Pancreatic cancer is a big one with cigarette smokers. | ||
| The lungs, of course. | ||
| But, you know, it stunts so many different processes in your body. | ||
| There's so many different things that are just going, what is all this shit? | ||
| People should just do nitrous all day, every day. | ||
| Yeah, just do whippets, man. | ||
| There's something about doing whippets. | ||
| If you commit to, like, whippets and huffing paint are kind of in the same category. | ||
| Like, wait, wait, what are you doing? | ||
| You're taking some stuff that you're not supposed to get high with and you're using it to get high? | ||
| That's not cool. | ||
| But meanwhile, whippets fuck you up more than a glass of Jack Daniels? | ||
| Whippets are amazing. | ||
| They're like... | ||
| I went through a phase where I was doing a lot of whippets. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Oh, God. | ||
| And it was, you know, I mean, you had to stop because it was just like, this is... | ||
| I enjoy this. | ||
| Doesn't it give you brain damage? | ||
| Well, everything gives you brain damage, doesn't it? | ||
| I mean, you lose like 200 or 20,000 brain cells a day just from, you know, waking up, you know, kind of walking around. | ||
| Like, so it's, I mean, I think it's, you know. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How many do you have? | |
| Uh, it's like a thousand. | ||
| Do you get new ones? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| No, you don't. | ||
| I don't think you get new ones. | ||
| Ever? | ||
| No. | ||
| Fuck! | ||
| I think you have what you have. | ||
| Well, I think you get new ones if you do mushrooms. | ||
| That's the only way. | ||
| That makes sense. | ||
| Probably. | ||
| Really? | ||
| For real? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's like one of the few things that have been shown to regenerate neurons in the brain or something like that. | ||
| So just do as much mushrooms as you were doing nitrous and you'd be fine. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| You'd probably have to live in a mountain somewhere. | ||
| You'd probably get so detached from everybody. | ||
| Show yourself when you're getting firewood and then go back to your cabin. | ||
| I was I was doing a sketch like a music video for It was this country music song called, you know, it was about like blue laws and states like, you know, and if they won't tell you Alcohol, you know, the song is called what about mouthwash and it was like, you know, all these different things like what about mouthwash? | ||
| What about huff and paint and all these things that you could you could do and for the music video I was like, oh, fuck it, we'll just, you know, we're in the truck, got some paint, spray paint in a bag, and my friend had, like, mouthwash, and so we just, like, did it for the shot, and I... I just, you know, because the shot was on, so I just sprayed the spray paint in the bag, and then I just huffed in, and it's so fast. | ||
| It's so immediate, and it's so high. | ||
| What does it do to you? | ||
| It's like, I did it, and I was like, and then I kind of broke take. | ||
| I was like, whoa! | ||
| And I was like, this really works. | ||
| Huffing paint is the real deal. | ||
| Oh, that's so funny. | ||
| It's quick. | ||
| That's so funny. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, have you ever talked to someone who works in an auto body shop, like spray painting cars? | ||
| No. | ||
| You know, they wear those masks and shit, but it doesn't really work. | ||
| I mean, it works a little bit, but if you're spray painting a car, you go into those booths, those guys get high as fuck. | ||
| That's like the hidden secret of auto body work. | ||
| It's such a dirty high, too. | ||
| I would imagine. | ||
| What is the paint high? | ||
| It doesn't feel like it's good for you. | ||
| It's not like you're drinking kale shakes? | ||
| No, you're like lightheaded, and you're like, whoa, I'm high, and you're like, this is gonna feel bad when it wears off. | ||
| Oh, God. | ||
| That's so crazy. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Everybody's seen those images of the guy who got arrested several times, and he has paint, like a fucking goatee of silver paint all over his face. | ||
| Fuck, man. | ||
| It's so weird. | ||
| You ever see that... | ||
| I forget what show it was. | ||
| It was one of those... | ||
| I don't know if it was a rehab show or something. | ||
| Intervention show. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Where the girl was addicted to duster. | ||
| The dust stuff that you spray on your keyboard. | ||
| Oh, you spray on your keyboard? | ||
| The air? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What does that do to you? | ||
| I guess it gets you high. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| I've never done it. | ||
| But she was going through... | ||
| And they would follow her to Walmart. | ||
| And she'd go to Walmart and fill up her cart with duster. | ||
| And she does this every day. | ||
| Just goes through and does duster all day. | ||
| You know the problem with that show is I have been exposed too much to how television works. | ||
| Part of me is calling bullshit. | ||
| Part of me is saying this person is so together that they've contacted the producers of this show, they're on the show, they're walking around, the camera's following them. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Are you sure or are you sure they're not engineering this whole thing? | ||
| But do they call or do their families call? | ||
| That's a good question. | ||
| I just don't get why, I mean, like, if I had a loved one who was like, you know, like, had a problem, you know, and was like, alright, I gotta do an intervention. | ||
| Like, the last thing I would think of is like, and I gotta get a TV show to watch this thing, like, you know. | ||
| You say that, but I mean, what the fuck did Dr. Drew do for all those years when he was doing celebrity rehab? | ||
| He took these people at their most vulnerable time and publicly shamed them, showed them on television having the DTs, freaking out at each other. | ||
| Screaming at each other, incredibly vulnerable, and expose them to the world for other people's amusement. | ||
| And he's a doctor, an addiction specialist. | ||
| So I don't think it's that cut and dry. | ||
| When TV's involved and profits involved, people have weird ways of rationalizing things. | ||
| This is the only way these people will get help. | ||
| You do it on TV. No, but I mean like the family. | ||
| I mean, do you think the family? | ||
| I guess they have to get paid something to do it. | ||
| They have to get paid something, yeah. | ||
| But it's not like a windfall. | ||
| The family might be morons, you know? | ||
| They might think it's the way to do it. | ||
| I mean, there was a show that I was obsessed with for a long time called I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant. | ||
| Have you ever seen that show? | ||
| Have you seen it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| It's fucking amazing. | ||
| Find it on iTunes or whatever. | ||
| But it's a show where they would... | ||
| It's about people who just didn't realize that they were pregnant and then they have their babies in the toilet or just walking to work or something. | ||
| And they would reenact it. | ||
| Like, it was kind of like Unsolved Mysteries style, where they'd interview the real people, and then they'd have actors, like, playing it out, like, oh, my stomach hurts, I'm gonna go take a shit, and then the baby, they'd put, they'd throw, the crazy thing about the show is that, I watched one episode where they had the mom get up, you know, and then the camera goes into the toilet, and they put a real baby in a toilet, like a real, like, for the shot. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What the fuck? | |
| In the water? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, they put a baby in the toilet bowl for the shot, and I was like, oh my god, did they have a diaper on, or was it naked? | |
| There's the angle you couldn't see. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Kids holding on to a seat going, what the fuck, Mom? | ||
| But I knew a girl who worked on the show, and I found out she worked on it. | ||
| I was like, why do people agree to do... | ||
| Because they all look like idiots. | ||
| There's no way you can be on that show and not look like one of the dumbest people if you didn't know you were pregnant. | ||
| So I was like, why do they agree to let you do this episode about them? | ||
| And she was like, we are getting calls all day from people wanting to be on the show. | ||
| Like, we have to, you know, we're batting them off. | ||
| Because it's people seeing the idea of somebody playing them on television is so enticing to people. | ||
| The fact that someone is going to reenact their life is worth it. | ||
| Yeah, I'll look like an idiot on television. | ||
| God, that's so crazy. | ||
| That's the pull. | ||
| Having someone play you. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| There was a girl that worked at the bank that I used to go to when I was a kid, and she had her baby and threw it in the garbage and went back to work. | ||
| She worked at a bank. | ||
| No one knew she was pregnant. | ||
| She was overweight. | ||
| Went to the bathroom, had the baby, threw it in the garbage, and went back to work, and then they figured out what the fuck happened and arrested her. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Oh, it was so crazy. | ||
| It was like I'd seen her. | ||
| Eye to eye, person to person. | ||
| I probably shook hands with her. | ||
| I mean, I don't remember. | ||
| Like on the day? | ||
| It was when I was 17. No, not on the day, I don't think. | ||
| I think I found out about it, like, you know, after the fact, but it was like the talk of the town. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't even remember her name, but, you know, I was like, I think I was probably 16 or so. | ||
| I was working at Newport Creamery, which was a ice cream and hamburger joint in Newton, Massachusetts. | ||
| So it was probably, I think I got that job when I was 16. So it was probably when I was 16 that all this happened. | ||
| But it was just, the whole town was talking about it. | ||
| I was like, what? | ||
| She had a baby? | ||
| She was pregnant? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| And she put it in the garbage? | ||
| Like, it was great. | ||
| And she went to jail. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| It really creeped people. | ||
| It creeps you out when you find out that insanity like that was there the whole time. | ||
| And you were interacting with insanity. | ||
| Like, hello, insane person. | ||
| Hi, crazy. | ||
| You're about to have a baby and throw it in the trash, aren't you? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Like, if you talk to her the week before, you're going to throw your baby in the trash? | ||
| Is that what's going to happen? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Who are you? | ||
| How do you know? | ||
| She might not have even known she was pregnant, too. | ||
| She might have been one of those people. | ||
| Oh, a lot of the people who... | ||
| Most of the people on the show who didn't know they were pregnant are overweight. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They must be in such discomfort all the time. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Fuck, man. | ||
| I just don't understand. | ||
| You can't. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How can you? | ||
| There's certain levels of madness. | ||
| It's like there's a scale. | ||
| You could be a little crazy. | ||
| Well, I got this thing. | ||
| I have to wear different color socks. | ||
| I have this thing. | ||
| I only wear my underwear backwards. | ||
| I have this thing. | ||
| I like to be a mascot. | ||
| I like to fuck other mascots and we get together. | ||
| You could always get further and further down the crazy hole. | ||
| I have this thing. | ||
| I don't think I'm pregnant, but if I ever am, I'm definitely throwing it in a dumpster. | ||
| Well, there was a bumper sticker once I saw on a car, like a cop car, that was like telling people they didn't have to throw their baby away and they could bring their baby to a fire department and drop the baby off or a police station. | ||
| I was like, wait a minute, wait a minute. | ||
| Who the fuck is like, I'm on my way to the dumpster with my baby? | ||
| Oh, look at that bumper sticker! | ||
| Oh, I could just go to the fire department? | ||
| I have options. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| What a great service the public is offering. | ||
| I've seen fire department things with a baby drop. | ||
| Like, window. | ||
| I mean, it's not like a Blockbuster video. | ||
| Drive-thru. | ||
| I've seen the sign that says, like, this is where you can leave an unwanted baby. | ||
| So it must happen frequently enough that... | ||
| It's a regular thing that people are like, you know, okay, fire departments are places that we can do this. | ||
| Fuck, man. | ||
| It's more evidence that there's groups of people when you have a city. | ||
| You know, you have a million people or five million people or ten million people, whatever it is. | ||
| When you get groups of people that aren't really interacting with their neighbors, don't really have real communities, they're not in real tribes, they're just sort of independent and wandering around. | ||
| There's madness all around us. | ||
| Unrecognized, unchecked madness, ignored madness. | ||
| It's just all around us. | ||
| We just don't deal with it. | ||
| If there was only 50 of us and we lived in the jungle together, you would know that bitch is pregnant. | ||
| Damn. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| First of all, she wouldn't be fat because she would have to gather food and everybody's thin. | ||
| It's a law. | ||
| It's a law? | ||
| How to drop off an unwanted baby with easy pictures. | ||
| What? | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Safe Haven Law. | ||
| You must drop them off at a police department, fire station, or any hospital. | ||
| If a parent were to change their mind, they have 30 days after dropping off their infant to get their baby back from the state. | ||
| You have 30 days. | ||
| That makes me so sad. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Imagine, like, on the 29th day, the 24th hour, you come in. | ||
| I just want my baby back. | ||
| Sorry, you just missed the cutoff. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's just, uh, it's 30 days right now. | ||
| Like, tick, tock, tick. | ||
| Hold on, I got the baby. | ||
| You shouldn't give the baby back after one day. | ||
| Like, you know, if you went through the idea, if you're like, you know what, maybe I'm gonna drop this baby off at the fire department. | ||
| So depressing. | ||
| You probably should drop the baby off at the fire department. | ||
| So depressing. | ||
| It's so depressing. | ||
| Imagine being that poor fucking kid, and you find out that your mom dropped you off at the fire department? | ||
| It's probably better. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Who knows? | ||
| But then the fucked up thing is that all the babies have to become firefighters. | ||
| It's part of a... | ||
| Are you sure? | ||
| That's where firefighters come from. | ||
| They've all been dropped... | ||
| I think they come from storks. | ||
| I could be wrong, but I think all firefighters are dropped off babies that grow up. | ||
| Fuck, man. | ||
| You have to live in the firehouse. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Where's my toys? | ||
| I don't want an axe. | ||
| You got the cool pole. | ||
| You got the Dalmatian. | ||
| It's pretty good. | ||
| It's great if you're a stripper. | ||
| Early training. | ||
| Fuck, man. | ||
| God damn. | ||
| What a weird world we live in, huh? | ||
| There's too many of us. | ||
| That's the only... | ||
| Or... | ||
| Too many of us... | ||
| I shouldn't say too many of us, because... | ||
| The cool thing about cities, the cool thing about large urban centers is you get a high concentration of intelligence, too. | ||
| A high concentration of cool people. | ||
| A high concentration of things happening and things moving and progress. | ||
| But there's too many of us that aren't in contact with each other. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, it's weird. | ||
| Didn't, like, the population of the entire world stay somewhere around one billion for as long as we can, like, kind of, for a long time? | ||
| Like, you know, hundreds, hundreds, hundreds, maybe thousands of years. | ||
| And then, like, once we invented, basically, once we figured out how to use fossil fuels and, like, plastics and things, it kind of shot up to, like, seven billion within, like, a hundred years. | ||
| Like, you have more of a chance. | ||
| I mean, there's more people now than there's ever been by like a huge long shot. | ||
| Huge. | ||
| Yeah, there was a thing that I was listening to the other day that was talking about the population of the United States during World War II. And it was in the 1940s, it was 150 million people or less. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Now it's more than 300. It's like 350. Is it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's like 350. That's fucking crazy. | |
| And then the world population is much larger than that. | ||
| The world population was, at the time, I think only like 2 billion. | ||
| And now it's at 7. Yeah. | ||
| Which is stunning. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Just astronomical increase in human beings. | ||
| It was at like 1 billion around like 1900 or something. | ||
| The whole world. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And so it's like doubled. | ||
| It doubled in like 40 years and now it's... | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| A lot of people. | ||
| That's what makes you wonder. | ||
| But that's the other thing about the points to urbanization and to improvement of the quality of life is that apparently when the quality of life improves and there's more resources, people have less kids. | ||
| And also, when the quality of life improves and resources improve, the people have less kids because their careers become more important. | ||
| And they become more concerned with progress and with their career than they do with having a family. | ||
| So they have families later and later. | ||
| That's one of the things they also attribute to the increase in autism. | ||
| I think there's a contributing factor, apparently, like several times, several fold, is when you have children after a certain age. | ||
| For men, right? | ||
| Men and women. | ||
| Both of them. | ||
| Don't they think that it's linked to the male side? | ||
| That too. | ||
| But women as well. | ||
| Women, as they get older, like birth defects, increasing birth defect issues. | ||
| They didn't think it was men at all for a while, but now they do. | ||
| They used to think it was just the age of the woman. | ||
| But now they think it's the age of the men as well, the age of the sperm. | ||
| Because that's like going through the roof too. | ||
| It's like something like 1 in 25 now or something like that? | ||
| Autism? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They also think that that's also because they didn't really know what was wrong with Billy. | ||
| And now they've given him a name. | ||
| Oh, he's got autism. | ||
| Or he's on the spectrum. | ||
| He's got a spectrum disorder. | ||
| He's got Asperger's. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck. | |
| Whatever, dude. | ||
| What a great way to end this podcast. | ||
| Started out on AIDS, ended up on autism. | ||
| Dropping off babies at the hospital. | ||
| You're special, dude. | ||
| It was this past Friday? | ||
| Yeah, but it's available. | ||
| What's it called? | ||
| High in Church. | ||
| Did you ever get high in church? | ||
| Actually, I went to a Christian school and stuff. | ||
| I never actually got high in church. | ||
| There's a story about something that happened to my friend that I wrote the song about. | ||
| But I've been high at church basketball games and things like that. | ||
| Really? | ||
| You grew up Christian? | ||
| Yeah, my parents were Christian rock singers in the 80s. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| What? | ||
| Like Striker? | ||
| Is that what it is? | ||
| No, they were like folk kind of folk and then it became rock kind of thing. | ||
| So I grew up on a tour bus traveling around the country. | ||
| What? | ||
| Oh my god, that's amazing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Holy shit, dude. | ||
| So I went to a really conservative high school and, you know, stuff. | ||
| Wow, that's weird. | ||
| How did you break free? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I think it's when something is around a lot, you know, you're kind of just, you know, as a kid growing up, you're kind of just like, okay, does everything have to be about, you know, church, that kind of thing? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| It was always me and like two or three of the other quote-unquote bad kids that would be at the back of the class just like not taking things seriously and kind of making fun of everybody kind of thing. | ||
| So it was just kind of like that, you know. | ||
| Praise God. | ||
| Praise God for people like you. | ||
| Yeah, but that often happens, right? | ||
| I mean Cara Santa Maria is a friend of mine who's a... | ||
| She's a beautiful, intelligent neuroscientist who grew up in a strict religious household. | ||
| Now she's a devout atheist and... | ||
| You know, her parents don't like her. | ||
| They upset at her because she's an atheist and has metal in her face and a lip ring and shit. | ||
| But that's oftentimes the case, right? | ||
| Your parents are pushing a certain direction and you rebound and go crazy. | ||
| Yeah, well, I mean, the other bad, I mean, the other kids that I would hang out with were, like, other pastor's kids, you know? | ||
| They were the kids in the back that weren't, like, taking things seriously. | ||
| Yeah, they get tired of their parents telling them what to do. | ||
| If you restrict your kids too much, it's like what I was saying about my daughter with the soccer shit. | ||
| Like, you don't make them do anything, man. | ||
| You don't make them do things, you know? | ||
| You want your kid to not play piano? | ||
| Force him to play piano. | ||
| Fuck yeah, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, sometimes it works, but God... | ||
| The amount of resentment that children have from really, like, overbearing parents. | ||
| When I was a kid, I dated this girl that went to Catholic school. | ||
| And her parents were, like, super strict Catholics. | ||
| And she was the biggest hoebag because of that. | ||
| Because of that. | ||
| Like, that girl probably fucked everyone who asked her. | ||
| Or everyone who wanted to. | ||
| Take that, daddy. | ||
| Up until the time she was probably like 30. She went on a rampage. | ||
| There was like a long list of people that I knew that fucked her. | ||
| It was crazy. | ||
| At a certain point in time, we were like, by the time we were like 19 or 20, I dated her when I guess we were like 16. And by the time we were like 19 or 20, I knew like a dozen dudes that had fucked her. | ||
| It was just chaos. | ||
|
unidentified
|
This girl was just fucking everybody. | |
| And she was really pretty, too, so everybody wanted to fuck her. | ||
| All that suppression, like her parents were so overbearing, just so constantly drilling Jesus into her head and the Catholic guilt, and she just couldn't wait to just finger herself and just start sucking down. | ||
| Just run around. | ||
| She would get so drunk that she would just throw up and pass out. | ||
| She was out of fucking control. | ||
| And a lot of it was just her parents. | ||
| They just wound that spring up so tight. | ||
| Shot to the fucking moon. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's weird how that works, right? | |
| Were your parents overbearing about it? | ||
| Not. | ||
| I mean, it wasn't... | ||
| No, it was strict, but it was also not strict in weird ways. | ||
| I couldn't watch most stuff on television. | ||
| What was forbidden? | ||
| Dukes of Hazzard? | ||
| No, anything that had more than one swear word, I couldn't watch. | ||
| So I'd watch The Simpsons, and then they'd say damn something, and my parents would be like, all right, one more, and it's off. | ||
| And then I'd be like, oh God, please don't let Bart Simpson say damn again. | ||
| No, damn was a swear word? | ||
| Yeah, damn was a swear word. | ||
| And then I wasn't allowed to watch R-rated movies. | ||
| And so still to this day, there's all these great movies that came out in the 90s that I just didn't really see. | ||
| Stripes? | ||
| Never seen Stripes. | ||
| But I remember when I was in my early 20s, my girlfriend realized that I'd never seen any Terminators. | ||
| She was like, you haven't seen any Terminators? | ||
| I'm like, nah, I just never saw any of them. | ||
| And she was like, you have to watch the Terminators like that. | ||
| So we watched all three of them like that. | ||
| Binge Terminator movies? | ||
| Yeah, I watched all three Terminators. | ||
| She's like, what did you think? | ||
| I was like, I like the third one the best. | ||
| And she's like, you're crazy! | ||
| She's like... | ||
| But I didn't have the nostalgia. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So I just watched them all at once. | ||
| I was like, no, I liked how they blew the world up at the end. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I thought that was cool. | |
| She's like, no. | ||
| I was like, the lady Terminator? | ||
| She was cool. | ||
| And I was like, no, no, no. | ||
| It's the second Terminator is the one. | ||
| The second is the one? | ||
| That's what she was saying. | ||
| I thought the first was the one. | ||
| No? | ||
| The first one has really shitty special effects. | ||
| Try to watch it today on Blu-ray, and you'll go, what the fuck is that? | ||
| That's not Arnold Schwarzenegger. | ||
| That thing's made out of silly putty. | ||
|
unidentified
|
God. | |
| So are your parents, they're still around? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Are they still like super Jesus-ed out? | ||
| Yeah, they don't perform anymore, but they're like, you know, my mom's a teacher and my dad's a graphic designer. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| That's wild, man. | ||
| So what do they think about you and what you do? | ||
| They don't like it. | ||
| They, you know, my relationship is fine with them. | ||
| Do they ever set you down? | ||
| Trevor. | ||
| No, but they would... | ||
| Why, Trevor? | ||
| Yeah, well, yeah. | ||
| I mean, they don't like the material or the things that I talk about or what my comedy is usually about. | ||
| But on the other side of that coin, they're happy that things are going well. | ||
| They're happy that... | ||
| It's like a weird... | ||
| We kind of try not to talk about it. | ||
| When the special came out, I waited until pretty much the end to tell them, like, yeah, it's called High in Church. | ||
| And they were talking about it. | ||
| They were like, oh, we're excited for your special. | ||
| We're going to go over and meet with some of our friends, and we're going to watch it when it comes out. | ||
| And they're like, is it something we should watch? | ||
| I'm like, no, you probably shouldn't watch it. | ||
| I was like... | ||
| There's like one song you can probably watch. | ||
| I'll send you a link. | ||
| It's called High in Church. | ||
| Oh, that's so funny. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Did they ever have a sit-down with you, like an intervention? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| I mean, it was more of like just phone arguments, kind of. | ||
| I did a song about the Pope called The Pope Rap, and I knew it was about to come out. | ||
| It was for my last album, and so I went home for Christmas one year, and I'd already shot the music video for it, and I was like, well, I might as well. | ||
| I was like, you know what I'll do? | ||
| I'll just kind of... | ||
| I'll just kind of nip this in the bud. | ||
| Like, I'll kind of show this to them while I'm here. | ||
| I can answer any questions about it. | ||
| Like, you know, so it's not like they see it. | ||
| It was a bad idea because I, like, ruined Christmas. | ||
| It was a big, like, fight. | ||
| And so now I just, I've learned from that. | ||
| I'm like, just don't watch it. | ||
| What was their argument? | ||
| What did they say to you? | ||
| Well, it's just like, you know, why would you... | ||
| Oh, you know what it is? | ||
| It's like, I think a lot of, like, they think that it's a personal... | ||
| Or they used to think that it was a personal affront to them. | ||
| And it's not, you know, like... | ||
| Oh, like you were rebelling... | ||
| Against them specifically or mocking because they were Christian musicians. | ||
| And I could see them thinking that. | ||
| But what I kind of had to explain is a lot of my comedy is about religion, history, and politics. | ||
| But that's because that's where I grew up. | ||
| I grew up on a Civil War battlefield in Virginia. | ||
| I'd go out with my grandfather and we would find cannonballs with metal detectors and you would dig them up and stuff. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Yeah, history was everywhere. | ||
| My uncles were Civil War reenactors. | ||
| What? | ||
| History was a big thing. | ||
| What side were they reenacting? | ||
| Both sides? | ||
| No, they were Confederates. | ||
| It was Virginia. | ||
| Sal's gonna do it again! | ||
| When they did that, like, what did they do? | ||
| They just put the outfits on and shit? | ||
| Oh, there'd be hundreds of people. | ||
| It would be like, you know, they reenact whole battles. | ||
| Now, when you say reenact, do they use, like, muskets with no balls in them? | ||
| Yeah, just flash powder. | ||
| Oh, that is fucking hilarious. | ||
| And then all the women come and they dress up at the time. | ||
| They kind of cheer everybody on. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| That must be awesome. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, see, I was born in New York and I came down and all of my family lived in Virginia. | ||
| And so when I was a kid, everybody would play Civil War. | ||
| And all of my cousins had Civil War outfits. | ||
| And I was the only Yankee, so I'd get my ass kicked all the time. | ||
| And I was always like, that's not how it happened. | ||
| This is not how the war panned out. | ||
| That's hilarious! | ||
| You'd have to get your ass kicked! | ||
| So they wanted the South to win all the wars? | ||
| Oh, well, I mean, I think. | ||
| Did they ever allow the South to lose? | ||
| Because you're reenacting the war. | ||
| Oh, no, no. | ||
| The reenactments are one thing. | ||
| I'm talking about when I was playing with my cousins. | ||
| Oh, I see. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| They did it authentically to how the battles would actually play out. | ||
| But see, it's very unorganized. | ||
| It's people just running around, and you're shooting, and then I guess when you run out, you fake death, and you die, and then you kind of lay on the ground for the rest of the battle. | ||
| What is the fucking motivation to do that? | ||
| They don't reenact World War II. No one storms the beach of Normandy again. | ||
| Well, we have both sides here, and all the battlefields are here. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| That makes sense. | ||
| It's easy. | ||
| Yeah, you can go to Gettysburg. | ||
| It's a couple-hour drive for most people. | ||
| My stepdad went and he said it was really depressing. | ||
| He said, I've never felt sadness in a location before. | ||
| To Gettysburg? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| I was there. | ||
| He goes, you could feel it. | ||
| You feel the fact that all those people died there, if that makes any sense at all. | ||
| No, it's a dark place. | ||
| And he's not a woo-woo guy. | ||
| He's a pretty straightforward guy. | ||
| So when he told me that, I was like, wow, really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You could feel it? | ||
| I'll bet Normandy is like that. | ||
| You go there, I bet there's a heavy pall, you know? | ||
| Oh, I'd imagine. | ||
| There was somebody who did something on Normandy where they made, like, sand images. | ||
| Of all of the bodies that represent the thousands of people that died on that beach. | ||
| And it was really creepy. | ||
| I think it's important for people to understand the actual loss of life that you're dealing with. | ||
| But when this guy did it, he was like an artist. | ||
| There it is. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And those things that are there, are those things from the war that are still there? | ||
| Is that what that is? | ||
| Those black things? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Is that what those are? | ||
| I think they are. | ||
| I think that's what that is. | ||
| Am I wrong? | ||
| They're never going to clean it up. | ||
| But look at what that represents. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Imagine being there and seeing all those fucking bodies in real time. | ||
| I mean, these people were showing up in boats, and as they're getting out of the boats, they're just getting shot at. | ||
| Yeah, I mean it's like... | ||
| That's the mind-blowing thing about... | ||
| Or, I guess, big battles and wars. | ||
| I mean, you go to, like, basic training, you spend all this time, like, preparing, and then you get dropped into something like that. | ||
| I mean, how much of it is... | ||
| I mean, I guess it's why you hear all those... | ||
| Whenever you, you know, hear an interview with, like, a war veteran, they're like, you know, I'm not a hero. | ||
| The real heroes are the people that, you know, die that day. | ||
| I mean, it's just, like, it's just luck. | ||
| You know, you're just, like, one of the people that got through and, like, you know... | ||
| I mean, it's just... | ||
| That opening scene in Saving Private Ryan. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Opening scene when everyone's getting blown up in front of them. | ||
| That's intense. | ||
| Jesus fucking Christ. | ||
| That's real, man. | ||
| That's the real war. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, that was one of the things about that Brian Williams thing that I found particularly disturbing. | ||
| When Brian Williams got caught not telling the truth about his helicopter getting shot at, what was interesting to me was not just that, that this... | ||
| Fucking news guy lied, but that the pilot of the helicopter that he was on was telling his version of the story, because they had interviewed him, and he said, well, our helicopter did get hit with small arms fire, and the helicopter in front of us was the one that got hit by the RPG, and then we had to land, and we had to drop off our load first, and that's why we were an hour behind them, but we were all in the same convoy. | ||
| So he's telling the story. | ||
| He's essentially like... | ||
| Letting Brian Williams off the hook a little bit. | ||
| Because he was saying, well, we did get hit. | ||
| We were being attacked. | ||
| There's no doubt about it. | ||
| And then a lot of people were like, well, why would he lie about that? | ||
| Because the lie doesn't make him look any better. | ||
| You were in a war. | ||
| You were getting attacked. | ||
| You did have to land. | ||
| You did... | ||
| Take small arms fire, and you were stuck in a sandstorm for two days. | ||
| That's a fine story. | ||
| It's a fucking crazy story. | ||
| Just the sandstorm, just watching another helicopter in front of you get hit with an RPG. But then the guy said that he got calls from all these other people. | ||
| That were saying, no, you didn't have Brian Williams in your helicopter. | ||
| This guy did, or that guy did. | ||
| And there was more than one story emerging of different people saying that they had Brian Williams in his helicopter. | ||
| And then he said, you know what? | ||
| I might be wrong. | ||
| I don't even want to talk about this anymore, because I've been doing these interviews about this, now all the nightmares are coming back. | ||
| He was like, I tried to put this aside... | ||
| And it put in my mind, it made me really think about getting over traumatic situations like that and how much of the truth of, you know, we're talking about like 12 plus years ago, how much of the truth do you retain in your memory? | ||
| And how much of it is just... | ||
| Really, really confusing and fucked up because it's just bullets and chaos and nightmares and dead bodies and who knows how many times that guy saw somebody die. | ||
| And then they're asking him to recall a very specific instance where one very specific... | ||
| Unremarkable at the time, news guy was with him. | ||
| Unremarkable at the time, because nothing happened other than this news guy was there. | ||
| He probably took a bunch of different people. | ||
| Who knows? | ||
| He's not excited that Brian Williams is in his helicopter. | ||
| He doesn't care. | ||
| The crazy thing is, he's in war, and he's getting shot at, and he's all PTSD'd out. | ||
| And so, you know, he said, you know, respectfully, I just don't want to talk about this anymore, just because of my memories. | ||
| Like, it's really fucking me up. | ||
| And all these things that I had tried to forget, now I'm being forced to remember them again. | ||
| And my memory might be fucked up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I was like, wow, that is, that's something to consider, that memories are not carved in stone. | ||
| They're just not. | ||
| I mean, they're almost hardly used in courts, you know, eyewitness stuff. | ||
| Because it's like, you change, you know, embellishment. | ||
| Like, you know, you always tell... | ||
| I mean, I always, like, you know, tell a story. | ||
| And then somebody, you know, from like 10 years ago, and somebody would be like, that's not what happened. | ||
| It happened like this. | ||
| And then you're like... | ||
| Oh, yeah, you're right. | ||
| It did. | ||
| It's just kind of, it's changed, and you see it a certain way. | ||
| Like, it can just, like, small things, but you're like, oh, I guess that was this person. | ||
| In my mind, I remember it being this other person that was there, but I guess that person wasn't there. | ||
| And then you have to go, well, are you sure you got it right? | ||
| Right. | ||
| It's like... | ||
| Yeah, I remember some things very clearly, very clearly, because I kind of told the story more than once, and the points in the story that were specific were very important. | ||
| But yeah, there's some other stories that are just fucking loosely pieced together flashes in my brain, like images that I can kind of recall, kind of, and chain of events that I can kind of recall correctly. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But people are just, some people are married to the idea that they remember everything exactly how it happened. | ||
| Nobody does, I don't think. | ||
| The weird thing is like when you tell a story, or like something crazy happens in college, and it's a story right out the gate, you know, kind of thing. | ||
| And you're telling that story, and you tell that story for years and years and years. | ||
| And then at a certain point, you don't really remember the actual event anymore, but you remember the story. | ||
| You've been telling the story forever. | ||
| Like someone will be like, remember when this happened? | ||
| You're like, no, but I do remember the story, you know. | ||
| I remember it happened, but I have no memory of it anymore, really. | ||
| And then some people remember shit that you don't remember at all. | ||
| And they're like, come on, man. | ||
| You don't remember? | ||
| We did that thing together. | ||
| You're like, I don't even know what the fuck you're talking about. | ||
| Is this guy crazy? | ||
| Or do I just not have a memory of an actual event? | ||
| Which one is this? | ||
| I'll tell you what I'm going to remember, Trevor Moore. | ||
| This podcast. | ||
| Me too. | ||
| Smoking is good for your memory, too. | ||
| Yes, I heard. | ||
| Nicotine. | ||
| I think we're out of time. | ||
| We're going to turn into a pumpkin any minute now. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| I, Trevor Moore. | ||
| I, the letter I, Trevor Moore, on Twitter website. | ||
| TrevorMoore.org. | ||
| Hi in church. | ||
| You can get it on Comedy Central Direct. | ||
| Is it one of those five-buck jammies? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Nice. | ||
| How nice is that? | ||
| Louis C.K., set the fucking model. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And we all follow. | ||
|
unidentified
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Game changer. | |
| That's it. | ||
| Dude, thank you very much. | ||
| Let's do this again. | ||
| Thanks for having me. | ||
| This was a blast. | ||
| Again. | ||
| We will do it again. | ||
| All right. | ||
| And again. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Awesome. | |
| And then we'll have false memories about the podcast we did. | ||
| All right, my friends. | ||
| See you soon. |
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