Feb. 10, 2015 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:53:13
Participants
| 
| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
| Get it, dude! | ||
| Get it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Joe Rogan Podcast. | |
| Check it out. | ||
| The Joe Rogan Experience. | ||
| Train by day. | ||
| Joe Rogan Podcast by night. | ||
| All day. | ||
| Once upon a time, we were in Phoenix, Arizona. | ||
| And there was like an open mic competition. | ||
| Was that what it was? | ||
| No, I think it was a contest for the Las Vegas Comedy Festival. | ||
| Ah, it was a Las Vegas Comedy Festival contest. | ||
| And one young man stood out and wound up working with us that weekend. | ||
| And it's this guy, Josh McDermott, who's on the fucking Walking Dead now. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| How's that happen? | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| I was just talking to Brian about it. | ||
| Like, I've hit the jackpot. | ||
| Dude, you got a lottery ticket. | ||
| You got the Willy Wonka golden ticket. | ||
| I did. | ||
| You're on one of the greatest shows ever. | ||
| It was my favorite show before I came in. | ||
| So literally, I hit the fan lottery. | ||
| And I'm just like, I don't know, man. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| It's really surreal. | ||
| To think about... | ||
| Because that show... | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| That show in Phoenix that we did... | ||
| You were doing a weekend there. | ||
| And then they asked the audience after your show to stick around so that they could do this little... | ||
| It was like a contest or some sort of showcase to select someone to go to this festival. | ||
| And they put me last... | ||
| And the first comic goes up and half of your crowd, like most of your crowd stuck around. | ||
| Half the crowd walks after the first comic. | ||
| And I was like, oh shit, man. | ||
| And I'm sitting in the back next to you and I hadn't met you. | ||
| I mean, I'd met you like as I worked at that radio station, but like, you know, we didn't know each other. | ||
| You're just eating your meal and you're watching this and I'm looking at you and you're not laughing at anybody because it wasn't funny. | ||
| And I was like, oh, this sucks, man. | ||
| Like Rogan's just going to be like, man, these guys fucking suck. | ||
| Like he's going to talk trash about us or whatever. | ||
| More and more people keep leaving as the show's going on to the point that it's like a 500-seat theater and there's like 30 people left by the time I get up. | ||
| And I didn't give a shit at that point. | ||
| And literally, I heard you laughing the loudest in the back at my set. | ||
| And I'm like, well, that's a victory, I guess. | ||
| And then I got to go to the festival and that was fun and everything. | ||
| But you literally asked me, you're like, hey, you want to open for me the rest of the weekend? | ||
| And that just kind of set me on this path. | ||
| To come to LA and pursue acting and to continue to do stand-up and all that, dude. | ||
| Like, I don't know how much you realize, like, how important you've been to me, man. | ||
| Seriously. | ||
| That's ridiculous. | ||
| Like, I wouldn't be here. | ||
| I literally wouldn't be here. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Well, that's amazing. | ||
| Because you're fucking fantastic on that show, dude. | ||
| So it was all meant to be. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| It's just one of those things. | ||
| I don't believe in fate, but if I did believe in fate, there's plenty of evidence. | ||
| There's plenty of evidence, yeah. | ||
| And if there's a fucking Bill Hicks biopic, dude, you're playing him. | ||
| You're not the first person to tell me that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jesus Christ! | |
| Russell Crowe's got the rights to some Bill story or something. | ||
| Yeah, well, they'll probably ruin it. | ||
| It's probably not something you want to be involved with anyway. | ||
| It seems like every time they do a story about a guy... | ||
| That it was a real person. | ||
| They just butchered the reality and fuck with it. | ||
| Weren't they doing something with Kinison a while ago? | ||
| Supposedly, yeah. | ||
| I saw some trailer come out with some guy. | ||
| I don't remember who he is. | ||
| I recognize him from different movies. | ||
| But he was on stage just being Sam. | ||
| And I was like, oh my god, this is amazing. | ||
| But that was like five years ago and I hadn't heard anything about that. | ||
| I haven't seen that. | ||
| I never saw a trailer. | ||
| I know who it was. | ||
| It was in that movie Take Me Home Tonight with Topher Grace. | ||
| He played one of the, like, his friend in it. | ||
| Dan... | ||
| Josh Gad. | ||
| It wasn't Josh. | ||
| He was a Josh Gad type. | ||
| It says Josh Gad to play... | ||
| No. | ||
| This was a while ago. | ||
| They might have, like, swapped in and out because the project's probably been on the shelf for so long. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They'll fuck it up. | ||
| They'll make him something that he wasn't. | ||
| They always do that because they're doing that prior movie, too, aren't they? | ||
| They'll fuck that up, too. | ||
| I think that already came out, yeah? | ||
| The prior movie? | ||
| No, no. | ||
| You're thinking of the Jimi Hendrix movie. | ||
| That came out. | ||
| That was dog shit. | ||
| They've ruined them, man. | ||
| I mean, you know, there's this guy, Mark Schultz, and he was the Olympic wrestler that his brother, Dave Schultz, got killed by that guy, John DuPont, that crazy millionaire, billionaire guy in Connecticut. | ||
| They fucked that up, man. | ||
| I went to see that movie. | ||
| Mark Schultz made a bunch of tweets about it, about how pissed off he was. | ||
| They fucked with his story. | ||
| They fucked with his timeline. | ||
| They fucked with how much success he actually had as a wrestler before he went to... | ||
| He was already an Olympic gold medalist and a world champion. | ||
| They made it out like he was struggling. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| They added a bunch of weird gay shit. | ||
| They changed the timeline of when he fought in the UFC. And the UFC fought a white guy instead of a black guy. | ||
| They changed the timeline of the UFC. They made the UFC in 1987. It didn't even exist until 1993. Like, Hollywood is filled with assholes. | ||
| Just filled with assholes that think that they can alter reality. | ||
| We're talking about a real-life story. | ||
| A guy's real fucking story. | ||
| Yeah, they do seem to screw it up a lot, but I don't really know. | ||
| Is there anyone that they've done? | ||
| Has there been a movie that we kind of go, oh yeah, that's pretty great. | ||
| Never. | ||
| Lenny. | ||
| Dustin Hoffman played Lenny Bruce and he fucking nailed it. | ||
| And it was a really good movie. | ||
| Like, if you watch that movie Lenny, you really feel like you kind of understand what Lenny Bruce is going through. | ||
| This is back when he was being tried for censorship. | ||
| He would... | ||
| He would go in front of these courts and they would do his act. | ||
| They would read his act out loud, like the words that he said, and then convict him for these profanity charges. | ||
| I mean, that guy really fucking paved the path. | ||
| If it wasn't for him, you and I wouldn't be here. | ||
| I mean, if it wasn't for the guys like him and George Carlin, the guys that actually went to jail for saying words that we say on a regular basis. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It was about 50 fucking years ago. | ||
| It wasn't that long ago. | ||
| I know. | ||
| It's crazy if you really stop and think about it. | ||
| It's insanity, man. | ||
| Did you see that preview for the new NWA movie? | ||
| That looks pretty legit. | ||
| I mean, it's a great trailer. | ||
| That's a documentary, isn't it? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| It's actually just about them growing up. | ||
| Oh, it's like a biopic? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| And they have a guy that looks kind of like Ice Cube. | ||
| I mean, he sounds just like Ice Cube. | ||
| It's really neat. | ||
| Who's in it? | ||
| A bunch of no-names, mostly. | ||
| But... | ||
| I guess that's why the whole thing happened with that big guy, TMZ guy. | ||
| Josh McDermott tweeting while he's on a fucking podcast. | ||
| Can't do it. | ||
| Put it down. | ||
| I'm trying to find that guy. | ||
| Which guy? | ||
|
unidentified
|
He already found it. | |
| The Sam Kinison guy. | ||
| He already found it. | ||
| Put the picture up on the image. | ||
| Yeah, sure. | ||
| This isn't it. | ||
| How dare you. | ||
| You were making such a big deal over there. | ||
| Yeah, this. | ||
| Oh, it's a screen test. | ||
| Dan Fogler screen test. | ||
| Tony Winner, is that who the guy is? | ||
| Well, that's a screen test. | ||
| Hold on, stop. | ||
| That's a screen test. | ||
| That's not a trailer. | ||
| Yeah, I didn't know it was a screen test when I watched it. | ||
| I mean, I would have known if it said screen test, but wherever... | ||
| Yeah, I mean, that might not be him. | ||
| I mean, either way, they'll ruin it. | ||
| Probably. | ||
| But if they do a Bill Hicks one and they're going to ruin it and give you a lot of money, I'd say fuck. | ||
| If we're going to ruin it, I'd rather it be me ruining it than someone else. | ||
| You know, let's have some respect for the guy. | ||
| Dude, that character you play in The Walking Dead is very unusual. | ||
| That's a weird character, like a strange sort of pseudo-autistic, really intelligent but fucked up dude involved in one of the... | ||
| The show's not even about the monsters anymore. | ||
| No. | ||
| It's about the humans and their interactions with each other and just them surviving, you know, the apocalypse. | ||
| I mean, the biggest threat isn't, yeah, isn't the zombies. | ||
| It's, you know, the guy with the eye patch, the governor, or it's like someone else going like, you got food and water. | ||
| I want that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, that's what's really scary. | ||
| But this character, you know, it's kind of funny when I hear people like really simplify him and go, he's just weird. | ||
| And I'm like, okay. | ||
| It's a lot more than that. | ||
| There's a lot more to him. | ||
| He's very complex. | ||
| And, you know, it's fun to play a different character in this world where like... | ||
| Obviously, you've got guys like Daryl or Michonne who are just epic badasses, and obviously those people are probably going to rise to the top in this world. | ||
| Just people who are physically fit and can just do whatever they have to do to survive. | ||
| This guy is completely opposite, and that's what becomes fun about playing him is that you just wouldn't expect that. | ||
| I have a theory that if the apocalypse happened, most people would be more like Eugene than they would like Daryl. | ||
| Yeah, most likely. | ||
| Did you know the whole character arc? | ||
| Like, what was going to happen to him? | ||
| I mean, I don't want to give away too much. | ||
| If you're one of those people that binge watches, stop now. | ||
| Because we're probably going to talk too much about the show. | ||
| We'll fuck it up for you. | ||
| Spoiler alert! | ||
| Well, obviously the show is based on a comic, so, you know, the information is out there from there. | ||
| But on the show, they like to deviate from the storylines on the comics. | ||
| How much do they deviate? | ||
| I mean, they'll just create brand new storylines for people. | ||
| Again, if you haven't watched this last weekend's episode, there was a major character death, but his death, you know, he dies in the comics, but the death on the show was not how they did it in the comics. | ||
| There was another character that that guy's death was this guy from last weekend's death in the comics, and it just gets mixed around. | ||
| But with, so I knew that, you know, when I took the job, I knew the big reveals that my character would have. | ||
| And this is weird to be talking about it in vague terms. | ||
| I feel like if you haven't seen it by now. | ||
| Yeah, fuck you if you haven't seen it by now. | ||
| So we find out Eugene was lying about knowing the cure, but the moment, because I came out on season four, I knew that he was lying the whole time. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| But, you know, I don't think some of the other actors knew. | ||
| You know, because they don't read the comics. | ||
| They don't really tell us what's going on with other people's storylines. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And you don't know necessarily whether they're going to stick with that storyline that's in the comic or whether they're going to deviate. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And so that's where, like, you know, I knew that I was lying and that once that was revealed, like, all bets are off. | ||
| Like, I don't know how much longer I have. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know, how much longer I'll be on the show because they like to kill off their main characters. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| So I'm just like, ah, shit, alright. | ||
| But either way, man, this is gonna launch you, dude. | ||
| I mean, you're on one of the best shows ever. | ||
| Dude, it is insane. | ||
| It's epic. | ||
| It's so good. | ||
| I watched last night, and I was squeezing my wife's hand while I watched it. | ||
| I didn't, you know, this week's episode, I didn't watch it until last night. | ||
| She's like, look at my hand, look at my hand. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm like, hey! | |
| You get fucking crazy. | ||
| It's such a good show. | ||
| And it wasn't for a while. | ||
| It was really good in the beginning, and then it was like a little dip where I was like, oh, don't go Dexter on me, you fucks. | ||
| Don't fail. | ||
| But then it pulled out like a phoenix rose from the ashes even greater than before. | ||
| I know, man. | ||
| It's insanity. | ||
| Because, like, so... | ||
| The guy who runs our show now, Scott Gimple, he... | ||
| And I don't really pay attention to who writes episodes. | ||
| I'm just like, oh, it's my favorite episode, but I'm not looking up who wrote it. | ||
| So I started going back and looking at my favorite episodes, and I found out who wrote it, and it was Scott Gimple. | ||
| So my favorite episodes from season three was that episode Clear, where they're in that dude's apartment, and he's got all the writing on the wall, and he's gone absolutely crazy. | ||
| Do you remember this guy? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And so Scott Gimple wrote that episode. | ||
| I was like, oh, this... | ||
| Awesome. | ||
| It's one of my favorite episodes. | ||
| And then the other favorite episode of mine was when Sophia, the little girl, came out of the barn and she was a zombie and they had to kill her. | ||
| And it's like, he wrote that episode and I'm like, okay, so this guy running the show now has written my favorite episodes all along. | ||
| And it's like, he's like the best guy to be running the show because you're right. | ||
| I think, you know, it did kind of take a dip. | ||
| It was still a good show, but it just kind of like plateaued for a moment. | ||
| This is just me observing as a fan. | ||
| You know what it felt like? | ||
| It felt like a regular show. | ||
| It was so extraordinary in the beginning. | ||
| The character arc between Rick and his buddy who was banging his wife because they thought Rick was dead. | ||
| All that crazy shit. | ||
| It was so much nutty tension. | ||
| It left you in this weird space while you're watching it where you didn't know what to expect. | ||
| And then the zombies were new at that point. | ||
| There was so much going on. | ||
| It was like, whoa! | ||
| Every time it would fade to black at the end of the episode, you'd be like, fuck! | ||
| You know, you just have to catch your breath. | ||
| And then it got to be like a lazy Hollywood show. | ||
| And I was like, what happened? | ||
| Did some fuckhead producer weasel his way into a position of power and start manipulating shit and trying to turn it into another episode of Coach or something like that? | ||
| Craig T. Nelson shows up. | ||
| It felt like something happened like that. | ||
| Like it just became like a regular show. | ||
| I don't know the specifics, but Frank Darabont, you know, Shawshank Redemption is a great Hollywood screenwriter and director. | ||
| You develop the show from the comics and then he was in charge of it the first two seasons but then he left after the second season and so it's about the third season that they kind of went over some rocky terrain like you know they did there were some great episodes and my favorite episode is in season three but there they just didn't really hit it was very inconsistent and so then when Scott Gable took over season four it just took right off took right off it's amazing now god damn it's a good show He's, | ||
| you know, because I think just as, when I'm watching it as a fan, I would, it would kind of get boring at times where I'd be like, oh, okay, like, they run out of supplies, and they're going to go on a run, and oh, this zombie pops out, kill it, and then, you know, rinse, repeat, whatever. | ||
| So, but now they're, like, really developing the characters and, like, bringing them, you know, we're learning so much more about them, it's like, Freaking great. | ||
| Well, it makes me nervous every time there's a new scene. | ||
| It's like, it's so good right now. | ||
| Every time there's a new scene, like when they entered into that community where the kid who played Chris Rock grew up in. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And as soon as you enter into the community, I'm like, oh, fuck. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, like, what's happening here? | ||
| Like, your fucking pulse starts racing. | ||
| You start getting sweaty hands. | ||
| Especially when they're like a little nonchalant about it. | ||
| Like, they're just coming in, just maybe checking around. | ||
| You're like, oh, no, you got to be looking everywhere at this point. | ||
| It's so good, man. | ||
| And when he got bit, you see just a shadow behind him. | ||
| Just a brief shadow before it comes up. | ||
| It's not enough that you see it clearly coming. | ||
| It's like, oh fuck, what is that? | ||
| What is that? | ||
| Is that the kid that he's with? | ||
| Or is that someone else? | ||
| Who's the fucking shadow, man? | ||
| Who's the fucking shadow? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ah, he's getting bit! | |
| Fuck! | ||
| The great thing about that bite was that it happened like 20 minutes into the episode as opposed to like sometimes they'll wait till the very end and it's like oh no and then the episode ends. | ||
| He gets bit and then he has these hallucinogenic dreams and all this about these past characters are coming back and all this stuff. | ||
| Robert Kirkman, the guy who created the comics was saying it's going to be a fan favorite episode and it's going to be a fan hated episode because it's a very poetic type of Uh, episode that they wrote. | ||
| I really love that dude, too. | ||
| I'm gonna miss him. | ||
| He's the best. | ||
| That sucks. | ||
| Dude, he's so funny, man. | ||
| Is he? | ||
| You gotta get him in here. | ||
| He's, like, the funniest guy. | ||
| He's very subtle. | ||
| And then you just get him on a roll, and he's just, like, large and gregarious. | ||
| Like, he mispronounces everything. | ||
| And I don't know if he's doing it as a bit. | ||
| Like, so he is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Like, he goes... | ||
| So there was some... | ||
| I guess he went to, like, University of Virginia or something, and they're... | ||
| There's some school in Virginia, and they're doing away with SAT scores. | ||
| They're only going to focus on the GPA now. | ||
| And then he retweets it and puts at the front, oh, hell yeah, my Alma Marta. | ||
| Marta, M-A-R-D-A? You don't know if he's kidding or not, but we were over at the table where they keep all the food one day when we were filming, and he's just going, yeah, yeah. | ||
| I go, oh, you see something you like? | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's like, yeah, I'm going to eat me some beef jersey. | |
| Ha! | ||
| Like, I just look at him. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't laugh. | ||
| I'm like, is he just, like, dumb? | ||
| Or is he doing this on purpose? | ||
| Like, he's the funniest guy. | ||
| He's so funny. | ||
| I'll hook it up. | ||
| I'll get him in here. | ||
| He's great. | ||
| Because he's off doing another show now, I guess. | ||
| Yeah, it's, I mean, it's gotta be weird when you're on, like, an amazing show, and then all of a sudden you're dead. | ||
| It ends. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It ends for you, and you sit back, and you're watching it as it's still on television, you watch some of the guys you worked with, you know, and occasionally they bring you back for some dream sequence. | ||
| And you're, yeah. | ||
| And you're thinking, you know, it's very cliche to say, but it's so real. | ||
| Like, we're just a major, like a big family there. | ||
| You know, because we're in the woods in Georgia. | ||
| It's the worst time of year to be there. | ||
| It's hot and humid, fighting off ticks and bugs and these things called chiggers that, like, burrow into your skin and everything. | ||
| And then you're just out there, like, with your friends and family. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And it's great. | ||
| And all of a sudden, now you die and you can't come to work anymore. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You can't come to this horrible environment anymore and you just want it so bad. | ||
| But, you know, we'd go around and we'd do all these, like, Comic-Con conventions and stuff, which is like, dude, that is trippy. | ||
| But, like, we get to hang out then and everything. | ||
| So you never really fully... | ||
| You know, disappear. | ||
| That dude who was Rick's buddy, what was his name? | ||
| Shane? | ||
| Shane, yeah. | ||
| That guy is in a lot of shit. | ||
| Like, he's in a lot of movies. | ||
| He's really good. | ||
| He's ballooned up. | ||
| He's really good. | ||
| Did you see Fury? | ||
| No. | ||
| Fury was great. | ||
| I don't know if it was based on a true story or not, the Brad Pitt movie. | ||
| Tank movie, but Jon Bernthal, that's the actor's name, phenomenal. | ||
| I was surprised he didn't get nominated for an Oscar. | ||
| He was great in The Wolf of Wall Street, too. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, he's really good. | ||
| He's like an ex-boxer or something, so everything he ever does is very physical. | ||
| All his roles, he treats it like he's in the boxing ring. | ||
| Didn't he get in trouble for beating somebody up? | ||
| Something happened? | ||
| Yeah, I think... | ||
| He has pitbulls. | ||
| I think he rescues pitbulls. | ||
| And then, you know, he lives in LA and some douchebag was complaining about his pitbulls or whatever. | ||
| And then his pitbulls started getting a little feisty and angry. | ||
| And then I think he just popped him in the face. | ||
| Oh, how rude. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like a gentleman. | |
| I don't know. | ||
| There's probably stories about it online. | ||
| But I think the guy was just like, oh, pitbulls, whatever. | ||
| Fuck you. | ||
| Boom. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Like one of those things. | ||
| But he's a great guy. | ||
| He's really cool. | ||
| Yeah, he's a really good actor, too. | ||
| That whole arc, that story arc between him and Rick was a suck. | ||
| I've done just as many episodes as him. | ||
| Now, granted, he was at the forefront with the storylines and stuff, but I've done just as many episodes, but he is just at this other level. | ||
| I can't ever... | ||
| What do you mean? | ||
| It was such an iconic character in this huge storyline within that show. | ||
| So the first season was only six episodes, and then I did four episodes my first season. | ||
| And then he dies the next season, and I did just as many episodes as him. | ||
| Does that make sense? | ||
| Sort of, yeah. | ||
| Together, we've done the same amount of episodes, but he's just at this other level in terms of how people remember him and the character and all that. | ||
| It's pretty crazy. | ||
| Well, that's such a classic scenario, too, like coveting thy neighbor's wife. | ||
| That's the big thing with men. | ||
| One of the men's biggest fear is that their best friend winds up fucking their girlfriend. | ||
| That is a big, or their wife, or the mother of their children, and becomes the father to their son. | ||
| And he wanted to take over and he tried to kill him. | ||
| That whole thing was so intense. | ||
| It's such a crazy dynamic. | ||
| And the kid! | ||
| Yeah, the kid's amazing. | ||
| The kid's going to Shane for advice. | ||
| It's like Rick's getting pissed. | ||
| It was awesome. | ||
| It was intense. | ||
| It was intense and it brought you into this changing dynamic of the zombies not being the problem. | ||
| The people being the problem. | ||
| And how the people react when they have to formulate their own rules. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Everybody that says, like, preppers, everybody says, I'm ready. | ||
| You know, I got my fucking cans. | ||
| Like, you ain't ready for shit, dude. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Because it ain't about that. | ||
| No. | ||
| It's about how you react to all these thinking animals that are trying to get what you have now because they're starving to death. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Because that's what the fuck happens. | ||
| If the apocalypse happens, like if the big one hits, you want to be right where it hits. | ||
| You want the earth to open up, suck you in, and close shut. | ||
| Don't die of starvation. | ||
| Don't die because people are eating you like in Terminus. | ||
| You don't want to be the guy who gets baseball batted and then gets your fucking throat cut into that trough. | ||
| You want to be the guy who the meteor hits right on your face. | ||
| The meteor that wipes out the power grid. | ||
| You want it to land right on your head. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right on your face. | |
| Really, if you're going to go, fuck going a year later or ten years later. | ||
| Well, I mean, think about it. | ||
| I mean, obviously my character was saying that he had a cure and everything. | ||
| There's probably going to be no cure. | ||
| If everything starts getting overrun at that point, they're not going to figure out how to reverse it or how to fix it. | ||
| So yeah, you want to go first. | ||
| Well, not only that, not only is there no cure, but everyone's infected. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's what's the most fucked-up thing when you find out that everyone who dies becomes a zombie. | ||
| Like, when Shane died and he became a zombie, and you're like, okay, this is nuts. | ||
| Like, there's no way out. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Like, your way out is gone. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Because everyone's a fucking zombie. | ||
| So if you make a kid, and the kid is just born into your family, and that kid dies, it's a fucking zombie. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Everyone's a zombie. | ||
| Somehow. | ||
| Somehow. | ||
| It's crazy, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know if that... | |
| Does that ever get explained? | ||
| Don't tell me. | ||
| No, I don't think they're just gonna... | ||
| They don't have time to sit around and figure that out. | ||
| I think it's just like, we gotta find a can of beans, man. | ||
| We gotta find some fish. | ||
| Wait, no, guys. | ||
| Hold on. | ||
| We need to talk about this. | ||
| Yeah, it's a weird fucking... | ||
| Weird scenario. | ||
| The idea of being the last remaining survivors. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And, like, did you see the road? | ||
| Uh, who was that? | ||
| That was that very bleak, post-apocalyptic movie with, uh, what the fuck is that dude's name? | ||
| Vitor Morgensen? | ||
| What's his name? | ||
| Vigo Mortensen? | ||
| Vigo Morgensen? | ||
| I feel like I did. | ||
| I watched it for five minutes until he was teaching his son how to shoot himself in the mouth. | ||
| This is what you do. | ||
| If it's all over, you stick through it. | ||
| I'm like, we're good. | ||
| I don't need to see this shit. | ||
| I just don't need to see this. | ||
| I mean, what am I going to get out of this? | ||
| I'm going to feel depressed. | ||
| There's not even any monsters. | ||
| At least The Walking Dead gives me monsters. | ||
| Yeah, right? | ||
| Well, the cool thing about The Walking Dead, too, is they're always trying to maintain some sort of humanity. | ||
| Some sort of, like, you know... | ||
| Rules. | ||
| Yeah, some rules and everything. | ||
| And they're constantly, like, even this last week's episode, they're just like, yeah, I've given up. | ||
| Screw it. | ||
| Like, I wanted to kill that person. | ||
| Not because of what they did, but just fuck them, you know? | ||
| And you're like, oh, geez, like, it's all falling away. | ||
| And that's kind of where the season's going. | ||
| It's just going to get crazier. | ||
| I wasn't a big fan of that hospital, the chick wearing makeup and all that. | ||
| I'm like, come on, get the fuck out of here with all this. | ||
| I thought that was a little ridiculous. | ||
| She's way too groomed. | ||
| She's on her fucking bicycle every day working out. | ||
| Everyone's scared of her. | ||
| I didn't buy that at all. | ||
| I felt like that chick would have lasted about an hour where somebody punched her in the face, took her gun, shot her in the head, fucked her dead body, threw her off the top of the roof. | ||
| She's evil. | ||
| Get out of here, you fucking crazy lipstick-wearing cunt. | ||
| There's a few guys I didn't- the guy with the eye patch. | ||
| Get the fuck out of here. | ||
| That guy's a dead- he's dead. | ||
| He's not gonna live. | ||
| You can't even see shit that's coming from the right side, dude. | ||
| You're not gonna survive. | ||
| That is not- you're not running anything, okay? | ||
| I don't buy it. | ||
| Oh, he's extra evil? | ||
| He doesn't even have superpowers. | ||
| Like, how's that guy gonna run shit? | ||
| He's manipulative. | ||
| How- he's not even manipulative. | ||
| He's not even demonstrably manipulative. | ||
| You know, it's like, what is he doing? | ||
| It's weak. | ||
| It's a weak game. | ||
| It's got a weak cult game. | ||
| Damn it, stand on my left. | ||
| I can't see you. | ||
| God, man. | ||
| Yeah, there was a few bad guys and a few moments that I just thought were ridiculous, but it's the overall quality of the show. | ||
| It keeps surprising you, and it keeps drawing you in, and it just keeps making you think, like, what would you do if you were stuck in that kind of a scenario? | ||
| Would you just climb to the highest building and just close your eyes and fucking jump off? | ||
| Like, what would you do? | ||
| Yeah, I don't know. | ||
| I would... | ||
| I would try and survive, and I would probably be one of the first to go, is what I would do, personally. | ||
| I'd be like, okay, I got this, and then I'd get bit. | ||
| Like, what about you? | ||
| Exactly what I would do. | ||
| You don't even watch the show, man. | ||
| No, actually, I would hide and sleep. | ||
| No, I started watching it, but I got to the season three, and I stopped, and I just haven't gone back. | ||
| But I've read the comics, most of them. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| Which I enjoy. | ||
| And looking at the comics, there should be, like, what, 11 or 12 seasons up to... | ||
| Already written. | ||
| Dude, they got so many storylines. | ||
| It's not even funny. | ||
| Well, it's a money machine. | ||
| It makes so much money. | ||
| It's so good. | ||
| One of the things is I watch it on Apple TV, which is the only way to watch it. | ||
| Watching it on AMC, it's like you just want to fucking drive to wherever the people are who put the commercials in and go, hey, fucking stop! | ||
| Fucking stop. | ||
| Come on, man. | ||
| This is not cool. | ||
| You got a Hardee's commercial or a fucking, you know, Carl's Jr. jammed in the middle of murder and mayhem. | ||
| All of a sudden, people are driving the newest Toyota truck! | ||
| We're having a party! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wee wee! | |
| It's fucking so distracting and so uncomfortable when you realize that they're shoving in 18 minutes of fucking commercials in a one-hour show. | ||
| That's obscene. | ||
| Yeah, it's rough. | ||
| It's obscene. | ||
| It really is obscene. | ||
| But when you watch it on iTunes, it's fucking awesome. | ||
| Because you get the whole show, no interruptions. | ||
| I tried watching it one time, and we paused it and we just left the room. | ||
| We go, let's just fucking come back in an hour and fast forward through this bullshit. | ||
| Like, we try to just watch the commercials for a while, and you realize, like, what an assault that shit is on your attention span. | ||
| It's an assault on your reality. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right? | |
| Why do you want me to dip in and out of this world like that? | ||
| It fucks up the whole viewing aspect of the show. | ||
| Well, I mean, I want to validate your opinion there, but... | ||
| Daddy's got to get paid. | ||
| You're going to be killed off next season. | ||
| I love the commercials, man. | ||
| The commercials are amazing. | ||
| I wish there was half an hour of them. | ||
| Joe, would you rather prefer commercials built into the show, like they're driving a Toyota car instead of having a Toyota commercial? | ||
| No. | ||
| It would have to... | ||
| The only way... | ||
| It would have to be non-intrusive. | ||
| And there's no way that it would work if it was non-intrusive. | ||
| You know, if you see some people that are fucking starving to death and they find a can of Coke and they drink it and they're sharing it back and forth, it's not going to make you want to go out and buy a Coke. | ||
| You know that Coke is fucking warm. | ||
| It's Georgia. | ||
| You know, they're finding it in someone's garage, covered in fucking bodies. | ||
| Three years expired. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, it's just... | ||
| It wouldn't work. | ||
| And then when they do do that, they do it like this. | ||
| Hey man, do you think we're gonna get out of here? | ||
| Yeah, they're holding it up. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| But this fucking good coke, I'll tell you what. | ||
| You know? | ||
| I mean, there's no way. | ||
| There's no way they could do it. | ||
| Did y'all ever see, like, the Honest Trailers, that YouTube channel where they do Honest Trailers of movies and TV shows, and they did one for The Walking Dead where they just, like, pick it apart? | ||
| It's hilarious. | ||
| But one of the things they were talking about was, like, they were driving around, like, a Hyundai Tucson for a while, and it was always, like, this is the apocalypse, so everything's filthy, there's, like, a gross film on things, but the Hyundai Tucson was, like... | ||
| Immaculate. | ||
| They're just cruising through the woods in this thing. | ||
| Me, personally, I never thought about it. | ||
| I was never like, oh, I should go buy a Tucson or something. | ||
| But not until I saw that trailer, I was like, oh, I guess that was product placement. | ||
| It had to be, if they're making it clean. | ||
| There was one episode, I remember, where we were talking about it. | ||
| We were like, why are these cars clean? | ||
| I mean, even when it rains, it doesn't really clean your car that good, you know? | ||
| I mean, you don't have to fucking have a torrential downpour to do a half-assed job of cleaning your car, because bird shit, dirt, it just kind of gets, like, moved around on it. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Well, people still have to find their place in the apocalypse, and maybe some people are like, hey, man, I'm just here to wash cars. | ||
| Listen, we're alive. | ||
| We got cars. | ||
| Let's polish them up. | ||
| Let me wash them. | ||
| Yeah, I don't think that there's going to be ever a show like that that has product placement as opposed to advertising. | ||
| But I think it's probably likely in other shows. | ||
| I mean, you know they do that when you watch Iron Man. | ||
| You see him driving an Audi. | ||
| You know Audi paid to get that fucking car in the movie. | ||
| I mean, it's appropriate for him. | ||
| It doesn't stick out like a sore thumb. | ||
| He's driving this cool car. | ||
| He's a rich dude. | ||
| It all makes sense. | ||
| But... | ||
| Well, you look at something like Mad Men, too, which is centered on the world of advertising. | ||
| But I think the catch-22 with that is they can't really do any current advertising. | ||
| They're doing all old Lucky Strike cigarettes and this and that. | ||
| They're just like, well, I don't think those are around anymore, are they? | ||
| Oh, yeah, they're still around. | ||
| Are they around? | ||
| But it's just, you know, everything they do is from the 60s. | ||
| So unless it's like General Electric, which is so vague, people are like, yeah, that's right, General Electric, I should go buy a stove. | ||
| I've never watched that show. | ||
| Is that a good show, Mad Men? | ||
| It's good, but it's a little slow. | ||
| I think it's more geared towards women, maybe, because it's very drama kind of. | ||
| It's not that guy-ish. | ||
| Like, I just watched it because my girlfriend wanted to watch it, and that's the only reason I watched it. | ||
| And I kind of got addicted to it, kind of like in a Gilmore Girls kind of way, where you're like, oh, I know all the characters, so it's still fun to watch. | ||
| And a Gilmore Girls kind of a way. | ||
| Yeah, I watched all the Gilmore Girls because of the girl I was dating, and I got into it. | ||
| It was a great show. | ||
| You're 40 years old, man. | ||
| I know! | ||
| Lauren from the Gilmore Girls, she was on a season of News Radio. | ||
| Yeah, she's hot. | ||
| Oh, was she? | ||
| Yeah, I worked with her. | ||
| She's very cool. | ||
| She's a fun chick. | ||
| Mad Men was a good show. | ||
| I guess it's coming back for their final season. | ||
| I did a couple episodes of that, and it was kind of neat to be in that world and everything, but it was one of those shows where you kind of hated a bunch of the characters at first, and you liked some others, and then by season three, that reversed. | ||
| The people you liked, you now hated, and the people you hated, you now liked. | ||
| They kind of went through these crazy evolutions, and you know... | ||
| I think kind of like any show, I mean, it has its moments where you're like, okay, maybe I'll skip this episode. | ||
| It's kind of boring me or whatever. | ||
| But, you know, for the most part, it was pretty interesting. | ||
| The girl, the very voluptuous redheaded girl, that's like the big deal in that show. | ||
| Oh, Christina Hendricks. | ||
| A girl who has body fat, you know, but is still sexy. | ||
| She's a slut in the show, too. | ||
| How dare she? | ||
| Is she? | ||
| Yeah, I think she's... | ||
| A little, a bit promiscuous. | ||
| A bit, yeah. | ||
| That's not slut shame in the 50s, Brian. | ||
| She's also... | ||
| She's a very... | ||
| She's a strong character, though. | ||
| She's a strong woman, you know, but she... | ||
| I mean, they passed her around, kind of. | ||
| She's gotta be strong, carrying around all that weight. | ||
| Right. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, that's what I'm saying. | ||
| Those breastsicles. | ||
| You gotta have some fucking backbone. | ||
| Have you seen her naked photos? | ||
| No, but I mean for I think for women like to have breasts that are that large is probably really... | ||
| I know it's really difficult on your back. | ||
| I dated a girl who had a breast reduction because her boobs are so big. | ||
| She was born just like with really large breasts and her back always hurt and then she got her breasts reduced and she was like it's like the world took a weight off her shoulders. | ||
| Don't think about it like that. | ||
| But if you have, like, double-E tits, I mean, those are fucking probably like 20 pounds or something. | ||
| You're carrying around a lot of goddamn meat. | ||
| That's a lot. | ||
| I saw her in person at a table read, and her boobs weren't as big as they appear to be on TV or in pictures and stuff. | ||
| So I think she just kind of looked like a normal person. | ||
| But they just maybe push them up a bit, you know what I mean? | ||
| Oh, well, maybe they CGI or spread around a little bit. | ||
| But I've seen her in photos. | ||
| She looks very voluptuous, but sexy. | ||
| She's very sexy. | ||
| She doesn't look like, listen, bitch, you gotta get off that fucking craft service table. | ||
| She doesn't look like that. | ||
| She looks like a normal, healthy, curvy girl. | ||
| Yeah, she just looks normal in real life. | ||
| We don't have to talk about this chick's body. | ||
| Imagine if you're her listening to this. | ||
| I love how she's like the number one photoshopped girl on the internet. | ||
| There's like thousands of photos because there's so many fans that are in love with her boobs, so they overdo it. | ||
| Yeah, but you're showing porn, dummy. | ||
| Huh? | ||
| There's porn there. | ||
| Oh yeah, but I mean, I'm talking about like... | ||
| Yeah, but don't pull that up. | ||
| No, I'm just showing it to you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You don't see it? | |
| Okay. | ||
| Yeah, I'm just showing it to you. | ||
| But she was a part of the fappity, or whatever it was called. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The fappening? | |
| Yeah, where people stole... | ||
| Oh, where they got the cloud photos? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| People in their goddamn cloud photos. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| So she had a lot of naked ones? | ||
| I think she had three, if I remember. | ||
| Good for her. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Let it shine, girl. | ||
| Those shows about alternative times are always odd, too. | ||
| You know, those shows that they're doing from the 1950s or the 1960s. | ||
| Period piece shows are always very strange. | ||
| I think you've got to have someone who's autistic running that show. | ||
| You know, someone who just can consume all the knowledge from within that time, that era, so they can just do that. | ||
| Because for me, if I were writing on a show that took place in the 60s, I would be putting in... | ||
| I'm like, oh god, we're in the 60s. | ||
| You just need this super nerd who just knows everything about the 60s and that's it. | ||
| Well, that's what we were talking about with that movie Foxcatcher, that they fuck with timelines. | ||
| When you're doing something that's historical, it's very important that you stick to the timeline. | ||
| Because otherwise, why are you even doing an historical movie? | ||
| Do a movie that's completely fictional, that's influenced by or inspired by a true story. | ||
| You're trying to do an actual real story, though. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That whole story was messed up, though. | ||
| I mean, the true actual story of the Foxcatcher thing. | ||
| Oh, beyond. | ||
| Good grief. | ||
| And Mark Ruffalo was great in it. | ||
| Amazing. | ||
| How about Steve Kerr? | ||
| Steve Carell. | ||
| Steve Carell was awesome. | ||
| Didn't even seem like the same guy. | ||
| No, not at all. | ||
| And he played that role so perfect. | ||
| The role of this eccentric, nutty, really fucked up cokehead, multi-millionaire, billionaire, whatever he was. | ||
| He played it so well. | ||
| You really believe that he was this guy with no character that had been handed everything to him in his life and he just didn't understand. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, that was a good movie. | ||
| And Channing Tatum, I mean, I'm not like the biggest fan of his movies. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Why, because he's handsome? | |
| I don't like him because my wife likes him. | ||
| She thinks he's good looking. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Of course. | |
| She wishes I had his body, but... | ||
| There you go. | ||
| No, he, you know, I don't know. | ||
| I'm just not like Magic Mike. | ||
| I just was like... | ||
| Wasn't your favorite movie? | ||
| No. | ||
| But they were naked and dancing. | ||
| I don't get it. | ||
| I don't understand you. | ||
| But he was great in Foxcatcher. | ||
| He was really good. | ||
| He was just walking around. | ||
| He looked like a giant ape. | ||
| Yeah, he stuck his lower jaw out. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because that's what, like, when you look at Mark Schultz in real life, he has this very prominent, you know, fucking ape-like jaw. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| Mark Schultz was a beast, dude. | ||
| It was really weird the way they did the movie. | ||
| Because they could have easily had him fight the guy that he fought in the UFC in the movie, but instead they made up some guy, made him fight a white guy. | ||
| It was really weird. | ||
| He fought Gary Goodrich. | ||
| It happened in 1996. It's a fucking historical fact. | ||
| But in this stupid fucking movie, it was a different guy, and the UFC took place, like when he was watching it on television, was in like 87 or 88. They fucked with everything in that movie. | ||
| They fucked with his accomplishments. | ||
| When he went to Foxcatcher Farms or whatever the guy called it, he was already a world champion multiple times. | ||
| He was one of the best wrestlers on earth. | ||
| And they made it look like he was living in his brother's shadow. | ||
| He wasn't. | ||
| It's just not true. | ||
| And they did that just to add drama to the storyline. | ||
| This guy needed his brother there in order to rise. | ||
| He's the big dumb ape and his brother's really intelligent and a really good wrestler. | ||
| His brother was really good, but he was really good too. | ||
| They always do that. | ||
| They'll do it with the Kinnison movie. | ||
| They'll do it with the Hicks movie. | ||
| I get trying to spin it a little bit for some dramatic effect or whatever, but you can't say that it's a true story at that point. | ||
| But you don't have to spin it when the story is so fucking crazy. | ||
| I mean, Steve Carell's character, that guy, John DuPont, was in real life, the things he did were so fucked up and so crazy. | ||
| I mean, he really did shoot Mark Schultz, Mark Schultz's brother Dave, in front of his family. | ||
| He just fucking pulled out a gun and shot him in a cocaine psychosis. | ||
| That was real, you know? | ||
| So you don't have to monkey with that, man. | ||
| It's weird enough. | ||
| But maybe, I mean, I'm not justifying it, but maybe when there's just millions and millions and millions of dollars on the line, people start overthinking it. | ||
| There's too many cooks in the kitchen and, ah, we've got to have them fight a white guy. | ||
| We can't, you know? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They change it. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| Yeah, that is true. | ||
| That's not to say it's okay. | ||
| It's just good grief. | ||
| But it's weird to do it while the guy's still alive. | ||
| And young. | ||
| I mean, I don't even think he's 50. He's alive and well. | ||
| And they're doing a story on his life, and they're changing everything around. | ||
| Monkey and reality. | ||
| That's just crazy. | ||
| Yeah, it's something that just happens. | ||
| There's so much money involved in Hollywood. | ||
| It's just why when a show like Game of Thrones, when a show like that comes off, it's almost like, how did this happen? | ||
| How did they make such a perfect show in spite of all the madness that's involved in Hollywood? | ||
| How did they figure out how to do something so good? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Even recently, I was reading a thing about that movie Jupiter Ascending. | ||
| We're just dogpiling Channing Tatum today. | ||
| I don't know what that is. | ||
| It just came out and it was something like $80 or $100 million. | ||
| I don't know if we know the actual budget. | ||
| It's opening weekend made like $10 million. | ||
| It's like, why are you spending that much money? | ||
| What was it? | ||
| Some sci-fi movie. | ||
| I don't know if it was based on something. | ||
| It probably was since everything is nowadays. | ||
| But, you know, for something to cost that much, I mean, that raises the expectation so much. | ||
| But it's probably because everyone's going, we got all this money invested. | ||
| We got to fuck with this. | ||
| We got to do this and change that and, you know, whatever, whatever. | ||
| So... | ||
| It's kind of sad that then, you know, you get a small thing. | ||
| I don't want to say Game of Thrones is small, but it's like, you know, how is it that that, like you said, is able to be something so perfect, be something... | ||
| Of a high quality. | ||
| It can be done. | ||
| But they just fuck with it too much. | ||
| Well, I think Game of Thrones is also HBO. And HBO seems to be... | ||
| I mean, it's just from an outside perspective. | ||
| I've never worked for them. | ||
| They just seem smarter. | ||
| They seem smarter with their choices. | ||
| I mean, they put on The Sopranos back when there was nothing like that. | ||
| You know, their choices have been... | ||
| They very rarely have a dud on HBO. I mean, when was the last dud show that HBO put out? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Yeah, see? | ||
| It's like, you can think of a million shitbag sitcoms and NBC fucking diarrhea'd out onto America. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| You know, you could literally, you could just sit down with a pen and paper and write down how many CBS shows made you want to open up a fucking vein. | ||
| You know, like if somebody made you watch, you know, Mike and Molly every day for the rest of your life or jump off a bridge... | ||
| He'd have to go, all right, how long is an episode? | ||
| It's 30 minutes? | ||
| All right, I'll watch it. | ||
| Billy Gardell's funny, though. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He is funny. | |
| He's a great guy. | ||
| Well, the girl's funny, too, but it's one of those shows. | ||
| It's like they make these mass-produced white bread mayonnaise sandwich shows. | ||
| Well, and they're doing 26 episodes, so five seasons into it, that's well over 100 episodes that they've done. | ||
| It's like, what more do we need to see out of these characters? | ||
| When you look at Game of Thrones, though, what season are we about to start? | ||
| Season four or five? | ||
| And they've only done 10 episodes a season. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It's so epic, though. | ||
| They have so many CGI things and the scenery. | ||
| It's a great show from top to bottom. | ||
| It must be an insanely expensive show to make, too. | ||
| I bet. | ||
| Like the war with the fucking giants and the fucking show. | ||
| Giant arrows at these things that are coming through the walls and chasing people. | ||
| Scary as shit, man. | ||
| Oh, man. | ||
| It's such a goddamn good show. | ||
| But, like... | ||
| It's interesting, like a show like Mike and Molly, like Billy Gardell, who's a very funny stand-up comic and a great guy. | ||
| Nobody knows who he is. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But everyone knows who that Melissa McCarthy girl is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| She's on the cover of fucking Rolling Stone. | ||
| She's in every other Sandra Bullock movie. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know? | ||
| And it's weird how that happens. | ||
| Like, one character from one of those shows will take off, and the other one is, oh, that's that chick's husband. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know? | ||
| It is weird. | ||
| It's Hollywood. | ||
| I mean, how do you explain it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
How do you explain it, Josh McDermott? | |
| You're in Hollywood now. | ||
| You're an insider. | ||
| Man, I don't know. | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| Don't put me on the spot. | ||
| Being a Hollywood insider, too, do you get people that are coming up to you now because you're on The Walking Dead and go, hey, man, I got this script. | ||
| I mean, if you could just get it to those guys that wrote a speck. | ||
| Yeah, to a point. | ||
| I mean, I get hit up for things a lot. | ||
| Like, I was telling Brian, I'm doing a show tonight, and I haven't done stand-up in a while. | ||
| It's been a long time. | ||
| But the reason I agreed to do this show is because he's like, dude, I'm not going to promote you. | ||
| I'm not going to say you're on the show, whatever. | ||
| I won't put you on the flyer. | ||
| I was like, cool. | ||
| Low expectations. | ||
| But I'm getting hit up to do shows with these guys. | ||
| They want to make me the headliner. | ||
| They want to use me to promote their show. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| But, like, I'm gonna go up there and shit the bed if you put me at the headliner. | ||
| I haven't performed in a year. | ||
| Yeah, you haven't gone up for a year, and you didn't miss it at all, you said. | ||
| I didn't miss it. | ||
| Does that scare you? | ||
| I mean, were you, like, I mean, because comedy was your thing before this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, I mean, it scares me a little bit, but I just was getting so burned out on it about doing stand-up in L.A. And I would go on the road, and I would love being on the road, and you get to do a real show, and you get to work on new material, and you get to have fun. | ||
| And then you come back to L.A., and I was just like, I want to kill myself. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Why? | |
| Doing these shows. | ||
| I hated doing stand-up in L.A. I don't know what it was. | ||
| I would never have a good show. | ||
| I could never work on new material. | ||
| Honestly, when I would do the Ice House shows, those were the best of the shows that I would do. | ||
| But then I'm like, I live on one side of the town and the show's on the other. | ||
| And I'm just like, God, on a Friday night, do I get to drive out there? | ||
| And it wasn't what I wanted to be doing. | ||
| Ultimately, I wanted to be acting. | ||
| So you kind of got into stand-up to act? | ||
| Or once you started acting, you realized you liked it better? | ||
| A little of both. | ||
| I think I loved doing stand-up. | ||
| I did it for 12 years, and then I was like, but I do want to eventually be acting. | ||
| So it wasn't like, oh, I'm going to use this to get in the door. | ||
| It was just like, I'm going to do stand-up, and I also want to act. | ||
| But then when I started to kind of dislike stand-up, at least in L.A., I started to love acting more. | ||
| What was your issue with stand-up in L.A.? You said you can't do new material. | ||
| Do you worry that people are watching and they're worried that you're going to fuck up? | ||
| No, it was like a weird... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I would just do a show and I'd run new material. | ||
| I mean, I don't know what your success rate is. | ||
| I mean, you've been doing stand-up for what? | ||
| 26 years. | ||
| Yeah, 26 years. | ||
| So I don't know what your success rate is on a new bit that you write. | ||
| If you're going up and it's like, let's say you're going to try out ten new minutes, you know, does seven minutes of it usually work? | ||
| Or does three minutes of it usually work off the bat? | ||
| Completely varies. | ||
| I mean, one week it could be one minute, and the next week it could be all ten. | ||
| Week to week it varies. | ||
| Topic to topic it varies. | ||
| To me it's all about how inspired I am by what I'm talking about. | ||
| And if I'm very inspired, then I'll find what the energy is in whatever the subject is. | ||
| And if I'm not inspired... | ||
| But I know what you're saying about... | ||
| There's a sort of over it that the Hollywood crowds have. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They want to see a celebrity. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They want to see Louis C.K. or Chris Rock come in. | ||
| They're over it. | ||
| They're over it. | ||
| They've seen a million of them before. | ||
| They don't laugh as much. | ||
| I've seen at the comedy store literally a whole table full of people, especially if you watch in the back, that are just sitting there like this with their arms crossed. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, a whole table full. | ||
| Like, not having fun, not enthusiastic. | ||
| But you go to Pasadena, which is only a half hour away, and everybody's having a great time. | ||
| You go to Irvine, it's only 40 minutes away, everybody's having a great time. | ||
| It's just this one center, the LA center. | ||
| The TMZ, the 30 mile zone. | ||
| It's also, like, these people, a good percentage of them want to be in show business themselves. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And people that, like, this fucking... | ||
| Friend who's an actor and it's impossible to watch movies with this fuck because he was like, huh, whatever happened to that guy's career? | ||
| Like, Jesus Christ, can you watch the fucking movie, man? | ||
| What about your career, shithead? | ||
| You know, you don't even have a fucking career and you're shitting on this guy who's in Jurassic Park. | ||
| Just stop! | ||
| You know, you can't. | ||
| They're so self-obsessed that they can't even just enjoy a show, enjoy a movie. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know, it has to be something about careers or, you know, the arc of their life's history. | ||
| I mean, it can't just be... | ||
| It becomes a human nature thing that we want to, like, pick apart other people and their successes, but it's, like, heightened when you're in Los Angeles and you're just constantly bombarded with people doing what you're setting out to do. | ||
| And maybe, you know, you're reminded of your failures and that sort of thing. | ||
| I mean, it could be that, too. | ||
| Oh, for sure. | ||
| I mean, they look at you and like, you got fucking lucky on that show, dude. | ||
| I could have done that. | ||
| What are you doing? | ||
| You're playing a fucking weird guy? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I could do that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Bro, if I was there, guess what? | ||
| If I was in the fucking audition room before you, dude, I probably would've got that. | ||
| So fuck off. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, you hear that. | ||
| Can I take your order? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Right? | ||
| You hear that. | ||
| Well, you definitely do. | ||
| You definitely get people that, for some reason, resent you for going to the audition, getting on the show, and they're watching you on television, and they've seen you in real life, and they're like, man, that would've been the perfect show for me. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| For the most part, though, the fans have been great, but there are those guys, those people, just like, at least centered in Los Angeles, where you're just like, you know, you encounter them and they are completely negative and, oh, I could have done that, you know, whatever, whatever. | ||
| But, you know, when I say I didn't miss it, it's not that, you know, it's not like I was just sitting on my couch. | ||
| I was doing something really fun, you know, so I was like, it's not like I had this thing tugging me. | ||
| I had like an open invitation to go do the clubs in Atlanta. | ||
| When I was living there, and I just never was able to make it. | ||
| I was exhausted all the time. | ||
| What are the long hours? | ||
| You guys are working on set. | ||
| I'm usually up at 3.30 in the morning, and I drive an hour south to where we shoot. | ||
| We live in Atlanta, but we shoot an hour south. | ||
| I could live down where we shoot, but there's literally nothing to do. | ||
| I would go crazy. | ||
| I just do a quick little drive back up. | ||
| So you're up at 3.30 in the morning. | ||
| 3.30 in the morning. | ||
| You get down there, 5 in the morning. | ||
| Yeah, I'm one of the first guys on set because they've got to put my mullet in. | ||
| Literally, they need time to put the mullet in. | ||
| Did you think, man, if I just grow out a mullet for real, I'll fucking save a lot of time? | ||
| I want to have a social life, man. | ||
| But dude, you could be rocking that mullet out, and people would be like, that's the fucking guy, man! | ||
| Yeah, I know. | ||
| I'd throw a hat on, and then no one knows. | ||
| But if I walk around with that guy who plays Abraham, Mike Cutlitz, he's got that handlebar mustache. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Like, he can't get away from it at all. | ||
| I could put a hat on, no one knows, but he can't get away from that mustache. | ||
| Oh, he has to. | ||
| It's like orange, you know? | ||
| Does he have to wear that mustache all year round? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ooh. | |
| Yeah, so right now he's growing it out like in a beard. | ||
| So when you get to the end of the season, how much time do you guys have between you wrapped for the season and how much down time do you have? | ||
| Oh, we wrapped in like right the week before Thanksgiving, so November, and then the show doesn't come back until late April. | ||
| And so do you have like a contract clause? | ||
| Like you can't gain weight, you can't shave your head, you can't... | ||
| Yeah, there's some stuff. | ||
| I mean, I think, I don't know specifically those sorts of things. | ||
| I think it's just all common sense. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Don't gain weight, don't lose weight, don't cut your hair. | ||
| Don't get crazy. | ||
| This is a show looking for people to kill off. | ||
| I don't want to give them a reason. | ||
| I come back and I look like Chris Pratt. | ||
| I'm ripped all of a sudden. | ||
| They're like, I'm in that. | ||
| It would probably work that in their storyline. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| You could be dancing. | ||
| I would. | ||
| Magic Mike style. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I would. | ||
| I mean, I find it believable if someone's going to lose weight. | ||
| Like, I don't know if you watched Lost, but that guy Hurley. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Never lost weight. | ||
| He gained weight, actually. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, it's because he got money and he started eating good. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's what happens. | ||
| That's exactly what it is. | ||
| But, you know, it's like they're on a desert island. | ||
| Like, you would lose weight. | ||
| A lot of fucking weight. | ||
| Yeah, you're just eating pineapple all the time or whatever. | ||
| Like, just lose the weight, man. | ||
| There's no gluten on an island. | ||
| Right. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Every island is gluten-free. | |
| You either bring your own gluten or you get none. | ||
| That guy, like, it's sad when you see a guy like that because, you know, like, that guy's so typecast and so morbidly obese. | ||
| It's like you were on a huge show, lost, giant show, and then nothing. | ||
| He's on Hawaii Five-0. | ||
| Him and the Asian guy. | ||
| Both on that show. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| It's like lost, but now they're cops. | ||
| Like, recurrently. | ||
| They probably capped him in a while. | ||
| Like, look, you're in Hawaii already. | ||
| You want to work here? | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| Actually, I saw him in Burbank the other day, and I think he was on a date or something like that. | ||
| And the girl he was with, like, literally came up to his belt. | ||
| And he's just this little, small girl, and he's this huge, big Joey Diaz guy. | ||
| He's way bigger than Joey Diaz. | ||
| He's way bigger than Joey Diaz. | ||
| Like, twice the size. | ||
| He's like Ralphie Mae style, more than Joey Diaz. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| How tall is he? | ||
| Is he a tall guy? | ||
| He was taller than me. | ||
| He was way taller than I thought he was. | ||
| I wonder how much he weighs. | ||
| 500 pounds. | ||
| You think 500? | ||
| He's a big boy. | ||
| 400 at least. | ||
| Joey got to like 450. Good grief. | ||
| When Joey was at his largest, people get big. | ||
| That's a lot of goddamn weight. | ||
| I used to weigh 300. Did you really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| And then I went down to 220. I mean, I dropped like 80 pounds. | ||
| What did you do? | ||
| You know what? | ||
| It's this fad thing called eating right and exercising. | ||
| People should try it. | ||
| But you know what? | ||
| I got a problem with eating Mexican food and overeating and all that stuff. | ||
| And then just being lazy. | ||
| So then I yo-yo. | ||
| I get back up to 260 and then I go to 240 and I'm just all over the place. | ||
| But my dad's a huge guy. | ||
| I got big guys in my family. | ||
| I'm just afraid that I'm kind of, in a sense, predispositioned to do that unless I work my ass off. | ||
| Yeah, genes are a motherfucker, dude. | ||
| You see some people, like you see their kids, their kids are three, and they have these gigantic Michelin tire arms. | ||
| You know, like, fuck. | ||
| I mean, a lot of it has to be diet, but it's very clear that some people can eat anything they fucking want and never gain any weight at all. | ||
| Well, they show these kids on Maury Povich where he's like trying to confront the parents of these obese children. | ||
| And then they just like have the kid in the green room and they set a camera on him and there's this giant bowl of Cheetos. | ||
| And the kid's two years old and he weighs 80 pounds and he's just like wolfing down Cheetos. | ||
| And it's like, that's like every day for them. | ||
| That shit is so bad for you. | ||
| Most of the American snacks that you buy, like Cheetos and Doritos and all that stuff, they're filled with hydrogenated oils and fucking fats that your body has a really hard time digesting and artificial colors. | ||
| Your body's like, what the fuck is the diarrhea? | ||
| Your body just has no idea what to do with it all. | ||
| But sometimes it's so good, man. | ||
| So good! | ||
| Dude, spicy Doritos. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oreos. | |
| Oh, dude. | ||
| Forget about it. | ||
| Especially if you're high. | ||
| If you're high and you're hungry and you open the cabinet and they're there and you go, yes. | ||
| You don't even think. | ||
| You just go, give it to me. | ||
| I never buy that stuff, but if I see it out, like if there was a bag of Doritos here, I'd eat the whole thing. | ||
| The craft service table at The Walking Dead? | ||
| It's the worst, man. | ||
| Do you have a craft service table out in the sun? | ||
| Like, how does that work? | ||
| Yeah, it's, um, they just, well, they put a tent over it, but yeah, they just have, and you can order anything you want. | ||
| You can say, give me a grilled cheese sandwich or a quesadilla. | ||
| They'll go make it for you. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And so I always try to have someone else order for me so that they order something healthy. | ||
| Otherwise I'm ordering, you know, chicken quesadillas and then I order something else. | ||
| But, um, So then, of course, the actor thing is to get turkey wrapped in lettuce. | ||
| That's the actor thing? | ||
| With a slice of avocado. | ||
| All the actors eat that. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| They try to pretend they're eating healthy? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I'm healthy. | ||
| I'm not like you. | ||
| I'm so superior. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I have all these healthy fats. | |
| Omega-3s, bro. | ||
| I graze, though. | ||
| That's the problem I always had with the fucking craft service tables. | ||
| I would just graze. | ||
| And then I'd be upset at myself. | ||
| Like, why did I just eat 80 M&Ms? | ||
| Because that's what they put out. | ||
| They're there, and you're just like, you get a handful, you're like, alright, you justify it, I'm just going to have a handful. | ||
| Then you're like, oh shit, I got another hand, so you scoop up some more. | ||
| You know? | ||
| I have the biggest problem with all that stuff. | ||
| Kevin James brought a fucking trailer on one of his movies, and the trailer, it was like a regular big moving trailer, and it was filled with exercise equipment. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, I thought you were going to say it was like food, man. | |
| Just ho-hos and ring-dings and fucking donuts and shit. | ||
| Because I've heard they do that. | ||
| Like The Rock does that. | ||
| He's got a whole trailer. | ||
| Or Will Smith might have like a big bus full of... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Like that's great. | ||
| Well, I think that's where Kevin got it from. | ||
| I think he got it from Will Smith when he did that movie with him. | ||
| He did a movie with Will Smith and he was pretty inspired by that guy. | ||
| But... | ||
| I think that's a common thing. | ||
| They have these trailers that they rent and you get in them and they have everything. | ||
| And they had a tanning booth in it too. | ||
| Oh my god, that's over the top. | ||
| You can go lie down and get a tan. | ||
| But you can get a full workout in right there on the set. | ||
| He was doing that Here Comes the Boom movie where he had to play a fighter. | ||
| Oh yeah. | ||
| He lost a shit load of weight. | ||
| He gained it. | ||
| Way back. | ||
| Like double time. | ||
| I just saw the preview for that. | ||
| For some reason they made a sequel to Paul Black or the male mall cop sequel. | ||
| Holy cow, he's big. | ||
| Yeah, he got big. | ||
| He got big again. | ||
| But, I mean, why did he lose weight? | ||
| Was it because of, or gain the weight back? | ||
| Was it because of habits? | ||
| Or was it because maybe he thought he's not that funny if he's skinny? | ||
| Or, like, you know what I mean? | ||
| Like, that's the kind of mentality that people have, at least in this industry sometimes. | ||
| Like, I'm a funny fat guy. | ||
| I'm not going to be a funny skinny guy. | ||
| Kevin and I, when we were young, when we first moved to LA in the 1990s, he had an agent at the time that I talked him into firing. | ||
| But that's one of the things that his agent said to him. | ||
| When you're losing weight, you're losing roles. | ||
| He told him not to be healthy because it's bad for your career. | ||
| And I was saying, look around. | ||
| Look at all these people on TV. Are they all fat? | ||
| Is it the only way to be on TV? Do you have to be fat? | ||
| What are you telling me? | ||
| You're not going to be funny if you get skinny? | ||
| You're funny. | ||
| You're funny because of your brain, dude. | ||
| Your brain's going to work better if you're skinnier. | ||
| For him, Kevin doesn't have any real vices. | ||
| He doesn't drink. | ||
| He doesn't smoke weed. | ||
| He doesn't like to do drugs. | ||
| His thing is food. | ||
| He fucking loves food. | ||
| The way he talks about food is like the way a guy who is getting out of 20 years in prison talks about the first sex he's going to have. | ||
| Right. | ||
| He talks about it like, I can't... | ||
|
unidentified
|
These chicken parm sandwiches, they got this... | |
| Crust they have on them. | ||
| It's fucking just golden brown, toasted. | ||
| Not burnt, but just slightly, slightly brown. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And the sauce. | |
| The sauce and the melted mozzarella cheese. | ||
| He'll talk about it. | ||
| He told me about the best cheeseburger place in Encino. | ||
| There's apparently this donut place in Encino, Lucky's or something like that, and they also have cheeseburgers. | ||
| I never went there because, you know, what the fuck? | ||
| It's just a cheeseburger. | ||
| I'm not traveling for a cheeseburger. | ||
| I mean, how good could it be? | ||
| But listening to him describe it almost got me to drive there. | ||
| It was like porn. | ||
| To him, it's like porn. | ||
| It's clearly a vice. | ||
| Well, that was a problem John Candy had. | ||
| It's a common problem. | ||
| I was talking to... | ||
| There was that movie he did, Summer Rental. | ||
| It was like 1984 or something. | ||
| He was literally at his skinniest he's ever been in any of his movies. | ||
| When he was doing that movie, I was talking to the guy who wrote that and was one of the producers... | ||
| And he said every day they would go in, you know, break into his hotel room while he's on set and steal all the, like, food that he had taken from the set. | ||
| Squirled away? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And, like, he showed up with suitcases full of junk food. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Like, several suitcases. | ||
| And they're, like, they had to literally take that stuff away from him so that he wouldn't eat it and, like, yo-yo his weight while they were shooting out of sequence or whatever. | ||
| And he was at his skinniest. | ||
| And he was still a big guy. | ||
| But some people have a problem with it. | ||
| I got a problem with it, man. | ||
| He still ate himself to death. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, I mean, John Candy died pretty young. | ||
| I mean, I don't even think he was 50, was he? | ||
| He was like 44 or something like that. | ||
| Yeah, all from fat. | ||
| All just eating himself to death. | ||
| He was so funny, though. | ||
| God damn, that guy was funny. | ||
| Planes, trains, and automobiles. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| He was hilarious. | ||
| My buddies and I will do a John Candy movie night every once in a while. | ||
| I'll just watch a John Candy movie. | ||
| Great outdoors. | ||
| Home Alone. | ||
| The polka king. | ||
| He's so good, man. | ||
| Uncle Buck is great. | ||
| They're doing an Uncle Buck show now. | ||
| They did an Uncle Buck show way back in the day with somebody else. | ||
| That's weird. | ||
| Well, maybe they feel like enough time's passed now. | ||
| Don't you remember? | ||
| I think it was Jim Belushi or something like that. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't know that that would have worked. | ||
| Oh, obviously it didn't. | ||
| Yeah, hold on a second. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Uncle Buck TV show. | |
| Oh, it was Kevin Meany. | ||
| Oh, poor Kevin. | ||
| Christ. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That was 1989. Oh, all African-American Uncle Buck show coming soon. | |
| No. | ||
| Wait, all African-American? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah. | |
| They're doing a Annie. | ||
| That's the new thing. | ||
| Oh, Christ. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| That's weird. | ||
| That's hilarious how they do that. | ||
| Not that, I mean, not that, you know, it needs to be a white show, but it's like... | ||
| It's so calculated. | ||
| Just make another show. | ||
| Just make a show and hire the best actors. | ||
| Meanwhile, Salon.com will praise it for its diversity. | ||
| It's amazing what they've done. | ||
| Better than the original. | ||
| Because everyone's a minority. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That show, Black-ish, is pretty funny. | ||
| That's a funny show. | ||
| But that show would be funny. | ||
| I mean, it's original. | ||
| It's a first run. | ||
| No one's ever done it before. | ||
| It's their show. | ||
| They created all the characters. | ||
| Ian Edwards writes on it. | ||
| Lawrence Fishburne's on it. | ||
| I just filmed it right next to my house. | ||
| It's a good fucking show. | ||
| But it's like, they've got good writers. | ||
| It's just well done. | ||
| It would be well done if they were Chinese people. | ||
| It would be well done if they were Polish. | ||
| It's just a good show. | ||
| I can't wait until... | ||
| Racism stops and dies down to the point where it's no longer addressed. | ||
| Because it's so fucking annoying watching shows that are so clearly in response to the brownie points you're going to get, the social brownie points you're going to get for showing diversity. | ||
| It's not that diversity was important because it needs to be done. | ||
| It's almost like it's done just to kind of like score. | ||
| You know, it's done to like, look what we've done. | ||
| Look, we've got a woman and she's Asian and she runs the show. | ||
| There's a black woman president on our show. | ||
| The president of the United States is black and it's a woman on our show. | ||
| It's like, I see what you're doing. | ||
| You're doing card tricks. | ||
| Let's stop calling attention to it. | ||
| Just make it good. | ||
| Make it good. | ||
| It's duh. | ||
| It's duh. | ||
| Racism is bad. | ||
| Duh. | ||
| I can't wait until it's done. | ||
| Who the fuck do you know that's racist? | ||
| In this day and age, if I was hanging out with some... | ||
| Anthony Comey might be a little racist. | ||
| A little bit. | ||
| A little bit. | ||
| Some old school comics. | ||
| That guy's experienced a lot of shit. | ||
| Being a white guy living in New York and looking like him. | ||
| Things get rough. | ||
| But I think that... | ||
| Hopefully, in our lifetime, it'll get to a point where people will find other reasons to separate. | ||
| The idea of, like right now, you've got people that separate because of conservative and liberal. | ||
| You've got people that separate because of religious and atheists. | ||
| You've got people that separate because of vegan and meat-eater. | ||
| You've got all these little factions and groups that Separate from each other, you know, Seattle fans versus Patriots. | ||
| I mean, this is essentially, we like to be in these weird little groups. | ||
| And the group of white people, just white people, that don't like minorities, like, goddamn, that's a fucking stupid group. | ||
| Like, and the group of black people that don't like white people, like, that's a fucking dumb group, too. | ||
| These groups are dumb. | ||
| The idea of just one aspect of your appearance or one aspect of your ethnic origin is one of the dumbest fucking things to associate with. | ||
| And it's tiresome. | ||
| And the response to it, the opposite response to it, is almost just as tiresome. | ||
| It's almost like, just, we need to get to a point where it's not an issue anymore. | ||
| So that these, like the, making a black Uncle Buck is gonna, you know, people gotta go, why would you do that? | ||
| Why don't you just make Uncle Frank? | ||
| You know, make a new fucking show. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know? | ||
| It doesn't have to be Uncle Buck. | ||
| It's not John Candy. | ||
| It's not even Kevin Meany. | ||
| Stop! | ||
| Stop! | ||
| Kevin Meany gets inserted into this argument against his will. | ||
| Well, not only that. | ||
| Leave me out of it. | ||
| Find me a black guy named Buck. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Are there black guys named Buck? | ||
| Okay, let's Google black guys named Buck. | ||
| I've never even met a white guy. | ||
| I mean, all the Bucks have been like Buck Rogers, Uncle Buck. | ||
| Yeah, that's like from the fucking 50s. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Buck. | |
| Buck. | ||
| When I worked at the radio station in Phoenix, it was owned by Buck Owens, the legendary country star. | ||
| Wow, images for black guys named Buck. | ||
| There's quite a few. | ||
| There's some fucking ridiculous images of black gentlemen named Buck. | ||
| No, there's a lot of white people. | ||
| The Jack Johns is in there. | ||
| His name's not Buck. | ||
| Fuck you. | ||
| This is ridiculous. | ||
| That's a Google image search. | ||
| Black eyes named Buck, and then pictures of Christina Hendricks' boobs come up. | ||
| And then Buck Angel. | ||
| Do you know who Buck Angel is? | ||
| I don't know Buck Angel. | ||
| Buck Angel was on the podcast. | ||
| Used to be a woman, is now a man. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| Transgender, porn star, all yoked and shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Pretty ripped. | |
| Really good guy, too. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Fun guy to hang out with and talk to. | ||
| Named Buck. | ||
| Black? | ||
| White as fuck. | ||
| But I googled black eyes named Buck. | ||
| Nope. | ||
| There's so few black guys named Buck, you don't even get past the first page. | ||
| You get one row of black people before you get white folks. | ||
| Right, and a couple of those photos, I don't know. | ||
| Yeah, they might not even be really named Buck. | ||
| They're just black people. | ||
| Oh yeah, those are just Buckeyes. | ||
| Yeah, one of them was Ohio State Buckeyes. | ||
| It's true. | ||
| It's Ohio State. | ||
| Two of them are Ohio State, and two of them are pictures from back when they, you know... | ||
| One of them is a whole website on blackface. | ||
| The history of blackface. | ||
| That's where the image comes from. | ||
| Okay, so that guy, Buck, was not even... | ||
| Oh, he was a black man. | ||
| Alright. | ||
| Blackface is a weird thing. | ||
| You can't do blackface today. | ||
| Someone was playing a character at a Halloween party and they put blackface on and they got fired from their job because you can't pretend to be a black person. | ||
| You cannot have black person makeup on if you are a white person. | ||
| I successfully did it because I was a black wizard though. | ||
| No, you didn't successfully do it, dude. | ||
| Nobody knew about it. | ||
| Nobody knew about it. | ||
| And you can't get fired from your job. | ||
| You work for me. | ||
| No, I mean, I went to parties and no one ever said anything because I was playing almost like a superhero kind of character, you know, but it was a black face. | ||
| What parties did you go to, though? | ||
| The South Park party, and then I went to a couple bars. | ||
| Gilmore Girls Party. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| You hear what I'm saying? | ||
| You're not working for a company. | ||
| What I'm saying is that there was a company, and they had a party, and they had a Halloween party, and this guy showed up in blackface, and they fired him. | ||
| And it was this issue, like, come on, man. | ||
| He's playing like Mr. T. He had gold chains on and everything, and he put black skin-colored makeup on. | ||
| You literally cannot do that. | ||
| You can pretend to be from Avatar. | ||
| You can pretend to be a lot of things, which you can't pretend to be as a black person. | ||
| You cannot darken your skin color. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's weird. | ||
| That's a weird fucking rule. | ||
| And when you say this, and I've said this before on the podcast, people will fucking freak out, and the ultra-sensitive social justice warrior types will start tweeting you. | ||
| Do you not understand? | ||
| Do you not understand the context of where blackface came from and how offensive it is to people of color? | ||
| Fuck off! | ||
| Fuck off with your fake sensitivity. | ||
| I know what you're doing, you brownie point searching for assholes. | ||
| It's just skin. | ||
| It's just the color of skin. | ||
| It's preposterous. | ||
| The idea that you can't play Denzel Washington. | ||
| You can't do it? | ||
| You can't ever do it. | ||
| You have to be the white Denzel Washington? | ||
| What if I want to play Denzel Washington for Halloween? | ||
| I can't do it. | ||
| I'm a huge Denzel Washington fan. | ||
| I loved all his movies. | ||
| But a girl could. | ||
| No, they can't. | ||
| A girl cannot wear blackface. | ||
| I bet you a girl could get away with doing blackface as a guy. | ||
| As Denzel Washington. | ||
| I doubt it. | ||
| Or Mr. T. Who's that actress that just got in trouble this year for Halloween? | ||
| She did blackface. | ||
| Julian. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Julian. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Someone from Orange is the New Black. | ||
| Did she get in trouble? | ||
| Yeah, she was on TMZ about it. | ||
| It was all over the place about it. | ||
| Have you been following the Jenner thing at all, Joe? | ||
| Of course I have. | ||
| This white teens in blackface. | ||
| Yeah, there's a bunch of these Missouri high school girls wear blackface. | ||
| Outrage. | ||
| Outrage as white high school seniors in Missouri show up for girls powder puff football game in blackface. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| That's people in Missouri that think they can, they just think they can fucking do anything. | ||
| They're like, well, shit, we're in Missouri. | ||
| We don't have to follow your liberal rules. | ||
| Anywhere near Ferguson? | ||
| I mean, do they not watch the news? | ||
| Do they not know... | ||
| They're not interested. | ||
| The racial tensions that are taking place within their state. | ||
| They're like, I'm staying in this town. | ||
| I ain't moving from this town. | ||
| This is where I live. | ||
| They're all wearing blackface, and they have teachers around them that are all smiling. | ||
| The images of white girls with their faces painted black was posted on social media, sparking outrage. | ||
| This is like some serious blackface, though. | ||
| They didn't even bother doing the neck. | ||
| No. | ||
| They're just blackface. | ||
| They're not pretending. | ||
| It's not called black neck. | ||
| Not black wrist. | ||
| That was a conversation they had. | ||
| Look at their arms. | ||
| Everything is white. | ||
| Everything is white except for their face. | ||
| Some of them have a black long-sleeved shirt on, but they don't have gloves. | ||
| That chick planned ahead. | ||
| Two of them did. | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| I mean, look, racism is absolutely disgusting, but you give a lot of people a lot of power when you allow them, you know, when you get so upset. | ||
| The principal said nothing racial. | ||
| This is hilarious. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| This is from the fucking principal. | ||
| Nothing racial about the powder puff team wearing blackface. | ||
| Oh really? | ||
| How is there nothing racial? | ||
| They're pretending to be a different race than they are. | ||
| That's very racial. | ||
| That's inherently racial. | ||
| There's no way of getting around it. | ||
| It's racial. | ||
| But here's the thing. | ||
| It's not bad to be black, okay? | ||
| So why would taking makeup and turning your skin black be bad? | ||
| I get there's a racist context to it, but when does that dissolve? | ||
| I mean, at one point in time, do we culturally just step back and say, like, that's ridiculous. | ||
| Somebody wants to be fucking Mr. T. If you're black, and you're hanging around with a bunch of white people, and they're legitimately your friends, and you love them, and one of them decides to be Mr. T for Halloween, and shows up with a bunch of gold chains, he's got a mohawk on, and he's got blackface on. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Are you going to beat him up? | ||
| Are you going to beat your friend up for being racially insensitive? | ||
| I mean, are we really living in that fucking retarded a world where that's such a huge issue? | ||
| It just seems... | ||
| Racism is disgusting. | ||
| Racism is evil. | ||
| But someone playing another race by putting makeup on their skin, the only way that would be negative at all, the only way, is if there was something wrong with being that race. | ||
| There's clearly nothing wrong with being a black person. | ||
| So someone who's white, putting black makeup on, it's not like they're... | ||
| It's not like they're doing Al Jolson, and they're putting white around their lips, and black, and they're... | ||
| They're doing some sort of a fucking... | ||
| Horrible, racist performance. | ||
| Running around saying massa. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| Obviously, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Exactly. | |
| This person who got fired, he was playing a famous black person. | ||
| But it's out of bounds. | ||
| Like, you cannot do it. | ||
| You can't do it. | ||
| There's a witch hunt going on in this country. | ||
| You know, just like the moment someone mentions any sort of race. | ||
| Nah, you're a racist! | ||
| Well, it's such a great way to defuse someone and take all the onus off them. | ||
| Take all of the possible scrutiny or criticism that might come their way and point it all at you. | ||
| It's also a great way to defuse your argument. | ||
| Just call you a racist. | ||
| You know, like if you have a different opinion about Ferguson or about, you know, Economics or Al Sharpton or anything that involves a black person, instantaneously your argument's diffused if they call you racist. | ||
| Well, Josh McDermott, you're a racist. | ||
| Well, you're from Phoenix, Arizona, one of the most racist states. | ||
| Come on, man. | ||
| You're a racist. | ||
| Why don't you just own up to your racism, man? | ||
| Yeah, there's no way around that. | ||
| You can sit there and argue it and then just keep throwing that back at you and you're screwed. | ||
| You could get hashtag Black Lives Matter tattooed on your forearm. | ||
|
unidentified
|
People would still go after you. | |
| It's a way that people, instead of it being a rational thing, who is that? | ||
| Ted Danson. | ||
| Oh, that's right. | ||
| Ted Danson did blackface when he was dating Whoopi Goldberg. | ||
| He did it on TV, too, didn't he? | ||
| Well, he had a pass, he thought, because he was dating Whoopi. | ||
| He's like, look at her. | ||
| I'm fucking her. | ||
| I should be able to do something about this. | ||
| Oh, I forgot about that. | ||
| That kind of started it all, I feel like. | ||
| That started it all. | ||
| Ted Danson's fault. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh! | |
| Well, I mean, it was offensive at one point in time, especially because at one point in time, that was the only way you saw black people represented on TV. It was a white person playing a black person, or in movies. | ||
| Or they were slaves, you know? | ||
| I mean, you had, like, go back, like, other races, like, go back and watch John Wayne play Genghis Khan. | ||
| You tell me that's not fucking offensive? | ||
| Right. | ||
| He's playing a Mongol, and he's clearly this fucking corn-fed white guy from America. | ||
| And he's playing like one of the most important historical conquerors ever. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And he's playing him out of the race. | ||
| He doesn't even have makeup on. | ||
| He's not even fucking pretending. | ||
| At least the guy who played Jackie or Charlie Chan, like they did something to him to make him look more Chinese. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, but John Wayne, they just said, fuck it. | ||
| It's John Wayne. | ||
| He's Genghis Khan. | ||
| That's who I am. | ||
| I'm a conqueror. | ||
|
unidentified
|
See? | |
| I mean, have you ever watched it? | ||
| No, I haven't. | ||
| Oh, it's glorious. | ||
| I think I've seen pictures, but yeah, I haven't seen it. | ||
| It's glorious in its stupidity. | ||
| It's so fucking bad. | ||
| It's so bad. | ||
| And you realize, like, it was like one of those Elvis movies where they would just fucking slap together. | ||
| There was a point in time where they would slap together a movie, have Elvis in it, and just, you know, Elvis is a football star. | ||
| We gotta win this game. | ||
| We gotta win this game. | ||
| And Elvis would start dancing. | ||
| They would do that with John Wayne. | ||
| They would let John Wayne play Genghis Khan in one of the shittiest fucking movies of all time. | ||
| They didn't do any makeup. | ||
| They didn't darken his skin at all. | ||
| Want to see it? | ||
| Jamie, pull it up and put it on this screen so only we see it, so we don't get pulled from YouTube. | ||
| If you have videos that people have copyright on them and you play them and then you upload it, even from a podcast where you're talking about it, you play it on YouTube, they pull it. | ||
| That sucks. | ||
| Yeah, but we'll put it up on here just for the he-he's and the ha-ha's because you've got to see how fucking bad it is. | ||
| The old USA logo, that's crazy. | ||
| That takes me back. | ||
| That's the USA logo? | ||
| Remember that. | ||
| USA movie. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh! | |
| Wow, look at those graphics. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, he just had the Chu Man Fu mustache. | |
| It's the only... | ||
| Fu Man Chu. | ||
| Fu Man Chu. | ||
| Look how bad this is. | ||
| This is so stupid. | ||
| And he's banging white chicks. | ||
| Super white. | ||
| Look how hot she was. | ||
| God damn. | ||
| Women that were hot back then too, they were hot in a different way, man. | ||
| Yeah, they were. | ||
| They were hot in this supernatural... | ||
| When you say hourglass, it really was like an hourglass because they had about an hour until they turned into old ladies. | ||
| They didn't last. | ||
| I was at a fucking restaurant the other day, and I saw Cindy Crawford. | ||
| And I don't know how old Cindy Crawford is. | ||
| I'm going to Google right now. | ||
| I'm going to guess 50. I'm going to guess 40. No, she's at least 50. She is hot as fuck. | ||
| She's 48. Dude, she's hot as fuck. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, she's hot like 25-year-old hot. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Because that bitch is probably running stairs every day, doing yoga, getting her face sandblasted, you know, getting stem cells from aborted fetuses sprayed all over her, cheekbones. | ||
| I mean, I don't know what she's doing, but whatever she's doing, she needs to write a book. | ||
| Because at 48, she's fucking stunning. | ||
| She's stunning. | ||
| She's a year older than me and I look like shit. | ||
| She looks fucking amazing. | ||
| Oh no, Joe, come on. | ||
| You look good. | ||
| Oh, stop it. | ||
| Stop it. | ||
| I mean, I don't look totally shitty. | ||
| Oh, you look good, Joe. | ||
| I just don't look as good as I looked last year. | ||
| That's all I'm saying. | ||
| I was fishing for compliments. | ||
| That was the whole point. | ||
| I'm gonna make up a story about seeing her at the restaurant so they tell me I look good. | ||
| Her body's in check, her face is in check. | ||
| There's nothing sadder than you run into. | ||
| I won't say the name, but I ran into this woman who was a major movie star in the 90s, and now she's enormous. | ||
| I mean, she's probably 50, 60 pounds overweight, her face looked all fucked up, and she looked like she smoked cigarettes. | ||
| And I was like, no, that's not... | ||
| No! | ||
| Because before she was just stunning. | ||
| You would see her and just go, good lord. | ||
| And now it's just... | ||
| Yeah, same thing just happened to me with the girl from Wayne's World. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| You see them, they're all like... | ||
| I want to know who it is that you're talking about. | ||
| Big, wide-waisted, lazy, fucking shoveling shitty food down her mouth. | ||
| Say who it is! | ||
| I can't. | ||
| I think she lives in my neighborhood. | ||
| Do you still talk to Betty White? | ||
| Betty White? | ||
| You know Betty White? | ||
| I used to be on a show with her. | ||
| No, I wasn't. | ||
| I was on the same network. | ||
| But we would do parties. | ||
| What's the show that you used to do? | ||
|
unidentified
|
The Retired at 35. I thought she was on that show. | |
| What is Retired at 35? | ||
| It was a sitcom I was on. | ||
| We had two seasons with George Segal, who was on that show, Just Shoot Me, and then I can't think of the woman's name, Jessica Walter, who was from Archer and Arrested Development. | ||
| She plays the mom and all that. | ||
| She was rad. | ||
| But Betty, I don't know Betty. | ||
| I just saw the Betty White nudes somebody sent me the other day of her naked when she was younger. | ||
| Beautiful. | ||
| She's beautiful, man. | ||
| Betty White had nudes? | ||
| Dude, she has a lot of them, and it's like really... | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| Those are real. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| She's just a beautiful person. | ||
| The casting couch was a real thing back then. | ||
| It really was. | ||
| It's still real, right? | ||
| Yeah, it still is. | ||
| Totally. | ||
| It must be. | ||
| I mean, probably not for big-budget movies. | ||
| Probably so. | ||
| Probably for everything, man. | ||
| Stuff like The Conqueror. | ||
| It's kind of implied, though, right? | ||
| Isn't that the thing about the casting couch? | ||
| It's just not as simple as like, hey, look out on that couch and suck Mr. Brian Sanger's penis and put you in X-Men 5. No, it doesn't, you know. | ||
| Is he gay? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I mean, I think he just likes parties with naked boys. | ||
| Young boys. | ||
| In a tub filled with blood. | ||
| Did you see the pool? | ||
| There's like red lights in the pool and there's like a hundred twinks running around banging each other. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Why not? | ||
| I say why not? | ||
| And we're still asking if he's gay. | ||
| Oh, he's gay? | ||
| He's gay as fuck. | ||
| He's gay as fuck. | ||
| Because I thought there was... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| This is how stupid and out of the loop I am. | ||
| But I thought there was something that I just assumed he was based on these allegations and all the things he went through. | ||
| And then there was something where I was like... | ||
| Look at this picture. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Why not? | ||
| Is that all butthole blood? | ||
| That's what I'm saying. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| It's just red lights. | ||
| It's just red lights. | ||
| Well, they probably put fucking dye in there, too. | ||
| They probably put dye in the pool. | ||
| Looks like a fun time. | ||
| The guy's having a good fucking time, man. | ||
| I see a couple of gals there, too. | ||
| Not enough. | ||
| Well, a couple of gals who want to be able to have fun and not have people try to fuck. | ||
| Look at this guy in the foreground with his hair. | ||
| That's a bad haircut. | ||
| Yeah, what is that? | ||
| Shave your head, homie. | ||
| Just let it go. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's over. | |
| Trust me. | ||
| When it's over, it's over. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| But you know, like, these guys that he, you know, he banged, that he brought to these parties, they would get upset. | ||
| But I think the thing was that they were underage. | ||
| They were, like, younger than 18. That was, like, the real issue. | ||
| But, you know, that's one thing about underage sex. | ||
| People give zero fucks if you're an underage gay boy. | ||
| If you're like a 17-year-old gay guy who likes to blow Hollywood dudes. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But if you were like a girl, and like some Mel Gibson type guy, some big Hollywood celebrity guy had parties and had a pool filled with 16-year-old girls and he was banging... | ||
| I mean, that would be the end. | ||
| That would be the end. | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| But if it's boys, they're like, eh, they wanted it. | ||
| They have boners. | ||
| They have boners at 17. Are they all gay? | ||
| They're all gay, right? | ||
| No one got roofied? | ||
| Okay, yeah. | ||
| We're done here. | ||
| Get out of here. | ||
| Get out of here. | ||
| He had sex with me when I was 18. Did he have sex with you when you were 19 and then 20 and 21? | ||
| Yeah, okay, we're good. | ||
| It's the same thing. | ||
| Same thing happened. | ||
| You didn't know what was going on? | ||
| Was it the first time you'd ever had sex? | ||
| No. | ||
| Did he give you some drugs? | ||
| Did he roofie you? | ||
| Did he do something to you? | ||
| Did you want to have sex with Mr. Singer? | ||
| It's so obvious when someone's trying to get a payday, you know? | ||
| I mean, I don't know the details of this case, but it's like this guy sat on this for like 15 years or something like that, didn't he? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's just like, come on. | ||
| Yeah, well, they definitely, I mean, they feel like they're entitled. | ||
| You know, it's like they could sue. | ||
| They might be able to get money, so go for it. | ||
| I don't have any money. | ||
| I'm broke. | ||
| Hey, I fucked Bryan Singer and all of his friends in a pool six years ago when I was only 17. Yeah. | ||
| And you go to a lawyer, and he's like, do you have any photographs of Mr. Singer and you in this pool? | ||
| In said pool with no clothes on? | ||
| As a matter of fact, I do. | ||
| And you pull those photos out, and they say, listen, let's go to this guy, and it's essentially, it's a money grab. | ||
| You're trying to get money. | ||
| And, like, you say, listen, Mr. Singer, it's going to cost you about $5 million to fight off this lawsuit. | ||
| You know, we are bringing in the big guns here at Sherman and Lefowitz and Associates. | ||
| You know, we have a long history of extorting money from large, rich celebrities like yourself. | ||
| So, let's just, let's call it $3 million, and let's wrap this bitch up tight right now. | ||
| And they make these negotiations and they fucking give them some money. | ||
| Settle it out and there you go. | ||
| They sign some sort of a disclosure. | ||
| And it encourages people to continue to do that. | ||
| Well, the UFC is in the middle of, I think, three or four class action lawsuits now. | ||
| Some of them which... | ||
| I just don't understand what they're doing. | ||
| Guys that had no chance of ever winning a belt, ever. | ||
| They were not that good. | ||
| They were marginal fighters at best. | ||
| And I don't know what they're suing over. | ||
| I don't understand it. | ||
| They're suing over... | ||
| I think the idea is that somehow or another the UFC stifled competition, but... | ||
| According to the people, and obviously I'm only hearing one side of it, but it's going to cost them $25 million to fight it, and they get approached by these lawyers, and while they're going through the whole legal issue of what could be considered... | ||
| Anti-competition, what couldn't be. | ||
| They start accumulating legal bills, and then once the bills start getting high, then they pull them together, they have a meeting, and they say, look, here's the deal. | ||
| We'll settle for 10 million. | ||
| We'll settle for 9 million. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whatever. | |
| What do you want to do? | ||
| What do you want to do? | ||
| And then they make a few million, and then they fucking high-five each other. | ||
| They go get some hookers, they drink some wine, and they go, we got another one. | ||
| I mean, there's some legit class-action lawsuits. | ||
| Most certainly when products fail and people die. | ||
| There was one recently with Chevrolet where it turned out that they hid the fact that their ignition switches were fucking up, and a bunch of people had died because of this. | ||
| And so there's some legit class-action lawsuits when it comes to certain companies. | ||
| When you see like a Bryan Singer type thing, and like, okay, wait a minute, you're gay, right? | ||
| You're gay, he's gay. | ||
| Okay, you showed up at his house, and there was a bunch of gay dudes, and you're all doing gay stuff? | ||
| Okay. | ||
| And you want some money? | ||
| Like, look, you get dick, that's what you get. | ||
| You went to the party, you wanted to get some dick, you got some dick, you probably got some ecstasy too. | ||
| Bonus! | ||
| Okay, he probably gave you some food, you probably had some snacks. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, like a sandwich. | ||
| This burger from this donut shop in Encino? | ||
| It's phenomenal. | ||
| Shut your mouth. | ||
| You got to party in the red pool? | ||
| You didn't have to clean up after? | ||
| Everybody's fine, man. | ||
| You weren't the guy that scrubbed the fucking red stain off the side of the pool. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| It's probably that Easter egg shit. | ||
| You know what you do with kids? | ||
| Dunk eggs. | ||
| Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Drop those little pellets into the water. | ||
| It turns red. | ||
| Food die. | ||
| They get out of the pool and they're just all red. | ||
| You can't get away with that kind of shit anymore. | ||
| But back in the day, could you imagine if you could go back to the 1950s, the Humphrey Bogart days, what kind of fucking chaos those parties must have been like? | ||
| There was no accountability. | ||
| The studios totally protected people. | ||
| You'd have to have a dead body before shit got weird. | ||
| Someone would have to be dead. | ||
| And even then. | ||
| And even then. | ||
| Probably you wouldn't know about it. | ||
| So, I mean, for sure, there must have been some stars that had to call, like, what is that show that's on Showtime? | ||
| Ray Donovan. | ||
| Ray Donovan. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Where you call the Ray Donovan guy, and Ray Donovan comes over. | ||
| He fixes it. | ||
| And he fucking wraps the kid up in some sort of a carpet. | ||
| Cleaner. | ||
| Yeah, they take it downstairs, and they fucking throw it in the furnace, and that's it. | ||
| That's such a good show. | ||
| Is it a good show? | ||
| It's a great show. | ||
| I only watched a couple episodes. | ||
| You see what you saw the first episode? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Where he goes to the girl stalker and he's sitting there, you want what's in the bag or the bat? | ||
| And the guy goes, I'll take the bag. | ||
| And then he makes him get in the bath full of green dye or whatever. | ||
| And then the guy's just like, his skin is green. | ||
| It's not going to wash out for a while. | ||
| He's just humiliated and everything. | ||
| That's probably what happened at the Bryan Singer's party. | ||
| To be a girl celebrity, I think, would be really scary. | ||
| Because there are dudes that fixate on female celebrities in a really fucking creepy way. | ||
| And today, they can find where they live. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| It's very easy. | ||
| I was drugged the other day, Joe, I told you about. | ||
| And that scared the fuck out of me. | ||
| Because that was the first time where I actually felt like something's not right with me. | ||
| I don't know what's going on. | ||
| And then I wake up an hour later and I'm like, what the fuck happened? | ||
| Like, where am I? And it was so scary. | ||
| And I talked to girls about it. | ||
| I'm like, yeah, I've had that happen a couple times. | ||
| Girls who party. | ||
| They have that happen all the time. | ||
| They have this nail polish note I'm going to start wearing, though. | ||
| I could just dip my finger in it and it changes color if there's any roofie in there, though. | ||
| Well, I think it only works for some drugs, though. | ||
| Does it work for GHB? Like, if you dip your finger in it and it's Rufinol, maybe it'll work. | ||
| But will it do it for everything? | ||
| I think maybe each nail has a different... | ||
| Have a drink. | ||
| Hold on. | ||
| That was just my roofie nail. | ||
| Let me check my GHB nail. | ||
| My alpha nails now have the roofie for guys. | ||
| They turn hearts. | ||
| A pink heart shows up on your nail if it's negative. | ||
| Yeah, but what's weird is, I told you this already, but I got roofied at a bar, and everything just went spinny. | ||
| What bar were you at? | ||
| I was at Jumbo's Clown Room. | ||
| Well, that's a roofie hotspot. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, it's a nice little place. | ||
| People roofie themselves at Jumbo's just because, what am I doing with my life? | ||
| That's how most people end up there. | ||
| They've been roofied. | ||
| They do shots of roofies. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Let's hope for something different when we wake up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Woo! | |
| What do you got on the top shelf there? | ||
| Top shelf roofies! | ||
| Yeah, they do actually take... | ||
| People take roofies on purpose. | ||
| But this was completely different. | ||
| Whoa, whoa, whoa. | ||
| Who the fuck takes roofies on purpose? | ||
| Seriously, kids do it as a drug. | ||
| What? | ||
| They take those little five-hour energy drinks, whatever they're called, five-hour energy drinks. | ||
| They fill that thing up with roofie shit. | ||
| And then they take, they're called caps, and they take a little cap, and they put it in, and it makes you feel really like, ugh, like body buzzy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, you mean GHB? GHB, yeah, which is one of the date rape drugs. | |
| There's a few of them. | ||
| Yeah, right, not roofie, like roof and all. | ||
| That's a bad one. | ||
| Yeah, I don't know which one mine was. | ||
| Mine's symptoms was I was on my second, or I just had my second drink, and I ordered a new drink, Took, like, one sip of my third drink, and then everything started getting spinning. | ||
| Like, my vision was almost, like, trippy. | ||
| Like, I couldn't, like, I was like, why is the room spinning right now? | ||
| What was your drink? | ||
| What were you drinking? | ||
| Just a little Jack and Cokes. | ||
| You were saying that someone, they take, like, Visine bottles and squirt it? | ||
| A bouncer told me what they do is they take a Visine bottle, they fill it with whatever the crap they're using, and they'll just like literally keep it in their hand, walk through, and just drop, like while they walk by somebody's drink, just drop it in there. | ||
| And he said that roofing guys, roofing guys is actually, he's seen it before, where like there's a guy talking to a girl they want to talk to, so they'll roofie the guy to get him out of the way. | ||
| Like he'll start getting sick or whatever and go to the bathroom and pass out. | ||
| Yeah, I never take drinks from people I don't know. | ||
| No. | ||
| Unless I see it come from the bar, you know, into their hand, into my hand. | ||
| There's just too many weirdos. | ||
| If you don't know them, you never know. | ||
| Some people are like aggressive about it. | ||
| Hey man, come on, do this shot! | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Like, uh, no, where'd that shot come from? | ||
| That shot could have come from Mars. | ||
| I see it in your hand. | ||
| I have no idea where it was before it was in your hand. | ||
| And it's not just being roofied. | ||
| You could grab a guy's drink and maybe he was... | ||
| The other night I saw a guy and he recognized me and as a joke I grabbed his drink and started drinking it. | ||
| And I got mad. | ||
| I'm like, he could be having the flu right now and he's still out. | ||
| You know, it's good to just do your own drinks. | ||
| It was really weird though because I luckily got to my car and I passed out because I couldn't see. | ||
| My vision was gone. | ||
| I didn't feel drunk. | ||
| I didn't feel sick. | ||
| I just couldn't see. | ||
| My eyes weren't working. | ||
| So I closed my eyes and the next thing I know I woke up an hour later. | ||
| In your car? | ||
| In my car and I felt muscle relax. | ||
| Well, you've got to be really careful about that because if a cop knocked on your window, you're going to jail. | ||
| I said in my backseat. | ||
| Yeah, I know that. | ||
| Even if you're in your backseat. | ||
| If you're in your car. | ||
| I think if you keep your keys and put it on the front seat. | ||
| You have to put your keys on the roof or something like that. | ||
| Something completely ridiculous. | ||
| But, look, it's essentially... | ||
| They have the opportunity to arrest you. | ||
| It's a technicality. | ||
| You can tell them, look, I'm not driving. | ||
| I sat here because I knew I can't drive. | ||
| They're like, get out of the car. | ||
| They're arresting you. | ||
| Which is fucking really gross because you're doing the right thing. | ||
| You realize you can't drive. | ||
| You're just locking your door and letting yourself sober up. | ||
| But there's certain cunty fuckhead cops that will drag you into jail for that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's ridiculous. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And the next day, the whole day I just felt like I was on muscle relaxers. | ||
| It was fucked up. | ||
| That's probably GHP. Yeah, somebody probably whacked you out. | ||
| Because I have friends who have done GHP before, and they've done too much. | ||
| And then they just go limp. | ||
| Like, they'll be at a bar, and then, like, Eddie. | ||
| Eddie did it once, and he did too much. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And he just, like, couldn't walk. | ||
| Like, his body just stopped working. | ||
| His body just went limp. | ||
| Yeah, like, my mind was normal, but my body was drunk, and my eyes were drunk. | ||
| That's so weird, man. | ||
| Do you have any idea who might have done it? | ||
| No, I mean, there was a lot of crazy... | ||
| I mean, David Arquette was there, so I said hi to David, but there was also some people that I knew there, and I talked to them for a bit, but then I've been replaying it over my head over and over again, and I can't think of... | ||
| I can almost think that maybe, what if I just grabbed the wrong drink? | ||
| Like, I grabbed a stripper's drink by mistake or something, or... | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And someone was trying to roofie them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, who knows? | ||
| I mean, you might have been annoying. | ||
| I was only there for an hour, though. | ||
| Like, I literally had a spot, and I was driving home, and I was driving by it. | ||
| I'm like, oh, you know, I haven't been there in a while. | ||
| I'll just go in there and have a drink or two. | ||
| Stop in by yourself? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's a real alcohol. | ||
| Three drinks in an hour? | ||
| Well, no, no. | ||
| My friend's a dancer there. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I was going to say, that's a real alcoholic move. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Pull into Jumbo's clown room for a couple of hours and just... | ||
| Right out the storm. | ||
| Three drinks in an hour, that could be it, too. | ||
| No. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| He does that every day. | ||
| And these are like the small little rock glass drinks, you know? | ||
| I mean, I drink seven or eight of those a day. | ||
| You don't know who you're dealing with here, dude. | ||
| I don't. | ||
| I really don't. | ||
| You never drank with Brian? | ||
| No. | ||
| Are you a big drinker? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You want a little drink right now? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| We'll drink your poo? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Scared? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| What's the matter? | ||
| I'm sitting next to Brian. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You're amongst friends. | |
| You're amongst friends. | ||
| No, I saw what you had in there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I saw what you had. | |
| I saw what you had in there. | ||
| It didn't entice me. | ||
| Nothing? | ||
| Makers? | ||
| We've got some... | ||
| Oh, when we talked about it on the podcast, somebody contacted me about giving us a wine cooler for wine. | ||
| Not like a wine cooler. | ||
| I wouldn't drink that because I'm a man. | ||
| I don't drink wine coolers. | ||
| What? | ||
| They're great! | ||
| What are you talking about? | ||
| I drink Zima. | ||
| They don't even have Zima anymore, do they? | ||
| They have versions of it. | ||
| It's called something else, but it's the exact same thing. | ||
| People were giving me a hard time back in the day for drinking Zima. | ||
| Zima was great. | ||
| It tastes good. | ||
| It gets you drunk and it tastes nice. | ||
| Did you remember Tequiza? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| What was it? | ||
| It was like a tequila beer or something. | ||
| Wasn't it? | ||
| Wasn't it like Bud Light made it also? | ||
| What? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It was a beer, but it had like lime flavoring in it. | ||
| That's what it was. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It was kind of like a hint of a tequila. | ||
| I don't know if they were actually mixing the two, but some of the worst hangovers I ever had came off Tequiza. | ||
| Tequiza? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's so weird. | ||
| Tequiza. | ||
| There it is! | ||
| What is this? | ||
| It's beer with agave nectar and a natural flavor of imported... | ||
| Tequila and lime. | ||
| So no actual tequila, but the flavors. | ||
| Well, agave nectar is just sweet. | ||
| Agave is actually not good for you. | ||
| When people don't use honey, like when I mock vegans, one of the things that I mock, my old special was about how true vegans don't use honey because they don't think it's cool to make those bees work for people. | ||
| Agave's not good for you? | ||
| Nope. | ||
| It's sugar. | ||
| Basically just sugar. | ||
| But it's better than Splenda or something, would you say? | ||
| Nope. | ||
| Nope. | ||
| I'm throwing it away. | ||
| Splenda is probably better for you because Splenda doesn't give you the reaction that you're going to get, like the glucose reaction. | ||
| Stevia is the best sweetener as far as health benefits. | ||
| It's just a plant extract. | ||
| Stevia tastes sweet, but it doesn't have any sugar in it at all. | ||
| It doesn't taste that sweet. | ||
| It really doesn't taste as good. | ||
| The reality of stevia is it's like a B sweet. | ||
| It's not A sweet. | ||
| I heard that there was even new reports that there's bad things about stevia now. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Recent reports. | ||
| And research was probably done by the other companies that are getting their asses kicked. | ||
| Yeah, come on, man. | ||
| Stevia is bad for you? | ||
| Hold on. | ||
| Every other week, something else that was good for you is now bad for you. | ||
| That is a real problem with these fucking people that create these tests. | ||
| Hold on a second. | ||
| We find out that the results were skewed just because someone funded them from some company that has a vested interest. | ||
| Why I quit Stevia? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hmm. | |
| Okay, let's see. | ||
| Is it like four reasons and number four will blow your mind? | ||
| Stevia taxes the adrenals. | ||
| Our bodies are not designed or evolved to handle calorie-free sweeteners, be it natural or artificial. | ||
| Experience a sweet taste from food that is not going to provide glucose confounds. | ||
| Our body's sugar handling process. | ||
| I think it's like your brain pretty much goes, hey, you know, this is sugar. | ||
| We need to work off this sugar. | ||
| But then when you go there, it's not sugar, so it fucks up. | ||
| Yeah, that's what they're saying. | ||
| I read it wrong. | ||
| It's sweet taste that comes from a food that's not going to provide glucose, confounds our body's sugar handling process. | ||
| Whatever, pussy. | ||
| I just switched back to normal raw sugar. | ||
| Stevia often contains other ingredients. | ||
| Oh, there's an issue of purity. | ||
| Hmm. | ||
| We use processed stevia, not pure stevia leaves. | ||
| Obviously, if you have a pot of stevia leaves growing in your garden, you can ignore this point. | ||
| But there's a bunch of other shit. | ||
| Xylitol. | ||
| That's another one, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Popular sweetener made with stevia and xylitol. | ||
| Although proponents bestow the title natural to this sweetener, I've never eaten trivia because I'm not a fan of this uber-processed ingredient. | ||
| Oh, trivia. | ||
| Truvia. | ||
| Truvia is xylitol and stevia. | ||
| Stevia has an aftertaste. | ||
| Eh. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Pfft. | |
| Stevia diabetes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Aspartame's not good for you, too. | ||
| But see, you know, when I think about all this stuff, including Diet Coke, it's all in moderation. | ||
| Like, you know, you can have a real Coke if you want to. | ||
| Just don't drink them all day every day. | ||
| You know, I'm a big fan of cheat days, man. | ||
| I'm a big fan of just eating really healthy and then one day going off the motherfucking rails, you know, and then bringing it all back. | ||
| Just give yourself a little day. | ||
| We don't give a fuck. | ||
| It's hard for me to do that, man. | ||
| I'll eat good for a week and then my cheat day turns into a cheat month. | ||
| Okay, let me ask you this, though. | ||
| I spiral. | ||
| You say that, but... | ||
| You're so happy right now, right? | ||
| You're so successful right now. | ||
| You got so much cool shit going on. | ||
| You're on your favorite show. | ||
| I mean, like, life couldn't be better. | ||
| If you knew that the only way to keep this running, the only way was if you ate healthy by some strange, you know, metaphysical miracle fucking magic thing. | ||
| Whereas, like, if you ate healthy food, your luck would continue to be fucking amazing. | ||
| But if you got lazy, it has nothing to do with your appearance or your talent. | ||
| Or your mind. | ||
| But if you got lazy and deviated from the path, your luck would change. | ||
| You would be eating fucking lettuce. | ||
| I'd be eating great. | ||
| Lettuce wraps and raw fruit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You wouldn't fuck around at all. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| Right? | ||
| But I love Mexican food, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I love salsa. | ||
| You put down a basket of chips? | ||
| No, bring a second. | ||
| Like, that's what I want. | ||
| I've never been one into sweets. | ||
| It's always like the starchy carbohydrate stuff. | ||
| Do you ever have queso in Texas? | ||
| I've had it. | ||
| I'm not the biggest fan. | ||
|
unidentified
|
In Texas? | |
| I think I just haven't had great. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Chips and queso in Texas is on a totally different level. | ||
| Before the Mexican food even comes, you're full. | ||
| You order chips and queso, you know, and they go, would you like some chips and queso? | ||
| I'm like, yes, ma'am. | ||
| They bring over some fucking queso. | ||
| Put some meat in it. | ||
| Some jalapenos. | ||
| Oh yeah, they have retarded queso that has like a cow in it. | ||
| Grind up a cow. | ||
| I got a moose roast cooking at home right now. | ||
| Very excited. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Where are you getting the moose? | ||
| Shot the shit out of that moose. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| This is him right here. | ||
| No shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's it? | ||
| Yeah, that's it, man. | ||
| That's pretty rad. | ||
| That's delicious. | ||
| But I'm cooking it today over 10 hours. | ||
| This moose roast in one of those pressure cookers. | ||
| Oh, it's so delicious, man. | ||
| How many pounds of meat did you get out of that? | ||
| 400. Shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| Yeah, it's crazy. | ||
| Did you have to buy a new freezer or did you have it? | ||
| No, I bought a separate freezer. | ||
| I had one commercial freezer, but after I shot the moose, I bought another one just to have the room for it. | ||
| You should experiment with making jerky. | ||
| Dude, I'm making all kinds of things. | ||
| Are you? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| I've been doing roasts. | ||
| Roasts are the new thing. | ||
| I do it in the Green Mountain Grill. | ||
| I sear them on the outside. | ||
| On a cast iron frying pan. | ||
| And then I slowly cook it in the Green Mountain Grill for like 40-45 minutes. | ||
| Because, you know, it's not that big a roast. | ||
| It's only for like four people. | ||
| And then this one I'm doing in a pressure cooker. | ||
| But I'm also, I got a bunch of recipes from Steve Rinella. | ||
| So I'm going to do meatloaf. | ||
| I'm going to make ground meatloaf with spinach and cheese inside of it. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| I'm enjoying cooking, man. | ||
| Cooking is fun. | ||
| If you have the time and you're so inclined, it's a cool little art project. | ||
| I never think of cooking as art, but when it comes out, it's good. | ||
| You get this little arty satisfaction. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You get excited, yeah. | |
| I made something. | ||
| I made this, and now we're going to eat it. | ||
| This is kind of cool. | ||
| There was this video I recently saw showing you how to cook the best steak. | ||
| You don't even need to use a grill. | ||
| What you do is you take this big piece of meat, you put it in the oven, and you slow cook it in the oven for like an hour or something. | ||
| And then you just put it on a really hot skillet for like two minutes just to sear the outside. | ||
| And it's like the perfect temperature. | ||
| It's like red throughout the whole thing, not like... | ||
| Because when you cook it on a grill, it's usually red in the middle, and then it slowly goes out where it's less red the closer it is. | ||
| This is right when you cut it in, it's all the exact color throughout the whole thing, the way you do it. | ||
| Who's got an hour, man? | ||
| See, I don't like it. | ||
| That way. | ||
| I've seen that way, too. | ||
| I've seen also there's a lot going around where they boil it in water with those plastic bags. | ||
| They boil it at like, not even boil it, it's like hot water, like 125 degree water, which is below boiling. | ||
| But they keep it in there for several hours, and then you take it out and sear it. | ||
| And a lot of times people, they cook the outside actually with a flame. | ||
| They take a propane torch, and they'll char the outside to get that crispy outer edge. | ||
| I've tried every single method to cook a regular beef steak. | ||
| My favorite by far is lump charcoal on a regular grill. | ||
| You get that smoky, real wood taste to the steak. | ||
| And you just got to know how hot it is. | ||
| It's like a trial and error thing. | ||
| You got to know... | ||
| For me, I take... | ||
| Like a two-inch steak, you need three minutes on each side, and then I put it on the upper level of the grill, I close the lid, and I cook it for another five minutes. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| And that kind of gets the inside. | ||
| Bam! | ||
| I've been doing that for a long time. | ||
| It sounds so good! | ||
| I feel so bad for people who don't eat meat. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know. | |
| You know, I understand. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| I get the morals and the ethics, but those cows are going to die no matter what you do. | ||
| They're gonna die. | ||
| My cousins have cows and they just sent them out to get butchered. | ||
| They got like 1,700 pounds of meat. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| My buddy Doug does it himself. | ||
| It's insanity. | ||
| Does he? | ||
| My friend Doug, he has grass-fed cows in his farm in Wisconsin and fucking picks them out. | ||
| That's where I started getting bummed out about grass-fed cows because everybody has this idea, oh, grass-fed cows, it's so ethical. | ||
| You know, my cows are only grass-fed. | ||
| You go near these fucking cows and they panic and run. | ||
| They know exactly what you're there for. | ||
| Make no mistake about it. | ||
| This isn't like hunting. | ||
| This isn't like, you know, you see a deer. | ||
| The deer might not have ever even seen a person before. | ||
| Boom! | ||
| The gun goes off. | ||
| The deer is down. | ||
| That's like an ethical life. | ||
| These fucking cows that are living in this guy's... | ||
| They can smell it. | ||
| They know. | ||
| Dude, we went near them and they fucking ran like we were demons. | ||
| Like we were demons that have corralled them up for slaughter. | ||
| Because that's what we are to them. | ||
| You saw the cows being released from the milk barn for the first time. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Where they're all jumping around like dogs and having a... | ||
| Like they were so happy that you just sat there and go, wow. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| They are so happy right now that they're... | ||
| You could tell that they're just like crying with happiness. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, they were trapped in those stalls for their whole life and then they released them out into this field and they're just dancing around. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| Having a good old time. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Good grief. | |
| I think it's a real shame that somehow or another factory farming has become a real accepted part of the way we get food in this country. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But that said, I like meat. | |
| Meat is so good. | ||
| I just tried goat for the first time. | ||
| I had goat before. | ||
| I had goat tacos in Houston. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Tacos! | ||
| That's what we did. | ||
| Did you? | ||
| Where'd you get it? | ||
| Where'd you get it? | ||
| It was in Arizona. | ||
| Mexicans know how to party. | ||
| But why are you saying ew to that? | ||
| You know like 90% of the world eats goat. | ||
| I don't like goat. | ||
| Goat tastes good, dude. | ||
| Have you had it? | ||
| No, I mean, I just don't like goats, so I don't think I want to eat goats. | ||
| It's all in your head, dude. | ||
| I'm telling you, you wouldn't like a lot of things. | ||
| If you hang out with chickens, you realize they're assholes. | ||
| I told you, chickens bite my daughter's face. | ||
| I'm like, you little fucking cunt. | ||
| I'll kill you. | ||
| Chickens are dinosaurs, man. | ||
| They're dinosaurs. | ||
| You cost $3. | ||
| My chickens are sweet, you know, because they get pet, they get picked up, and they'll still bite your fucking face. | ||
| They're stupid as shit. | ||
| Their brains are your thumbnail. | ||
| I mean, they literally decide... | ||
| They don't know what's going on. | ||
| They're not doing it on purpose. | ||
| They're just trying to survive. | ||
| Do you have a problem with coyotes getting your chickens? | ||
| I saw a coyote get my chicken. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| I have to get... | ||
| I've been slacking on this, but I have to get... | ||
| I have to hire... | ||
| Someone who, they have this urban coyote capture thing. | ||
| Because the thing about, we have 24, well, we used to have 24 chickens. | ||
| My dog killed one, and the coyote killed another one. | ||
| But I saw the coyote jump my fence with the fucking chicken in his mouth. | ||
| So I realized, okay, now I see how the coyotes, I had a fountain that was near the fence. | ||
| And the coyote would jump to the top of the fountain and jump over the fence. | ||
| I was like, oh, you son of a bitch. | ||
| So I took the fountain down and reinforced the areas where the coyote was getting in. | ||
| But they know there's food there. | ||
| And they know there's a lot of food there. | ||
| There's 24 or 22 now. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, 22 chickens. | ||
| So I have to hire somebody. | ||
| They do these urban traps and they set them up all around. | ||
| I don't even live in the... | ||
| I'm not in an urban area, but... | ||
| They set them up around your house, and they capture these coyotes, and they fucking bang, bang them. | ||
| They kill them. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| My cousins live... | ||
| Urban traps. | ||
| It's like a swap meet or something. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Urban traps. | ||
| It's a gold chain next to a... | ||
| It's a foot locker. | ||
| It's a pair of Jordans next to a... | ||
| One of those little lassos, or a noose, a little ankle noose. | ||
| Is it Kanye's new shoe he's announcing? | ||
| No, and I don't want to talk about it. | ||
| You don't like Kanye? | ||
| No, I'm a fucking grown man. | ||
| You and Jamie need to call each other on the phone and talk about shit that nobody else gives a fuck about. | ||
| It's male Uggs. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Stop! | |
| Just don't. | ||
| Just don't, Brian. | ||
| We have fucking Josh McDermott from The Walking Dead. | ||
| You want to talk about Kanye West and his O's? | ||
| You're 40 years old and you want to talk about Kanye? | ||
| I've been telling him that for years. | ||
| He's a fucking grown man. | ||
| He's a grown man, but he's not. | ||
| Like, somehow or another. | ||
| When we sucked him out of Columbus and brought him to Los Angeles, we've stifled his growth. | ||
| He actually went back. | ||
| He went back. | ||
| He was 30 then, and he's 12 now. | ||
| That's completely opposite of what I've been figuring out lately. | ||
| Oh, you have figured it all out. | ||
| Going through old videos. | ||
| Joe, do you remember when I first moved here, I didn't really have any friends, so we would just once in a while hang out and stuff. | ||
| There was videos of me just sitting in my computer room my first week here, and I was mentally challenged, retarded. | ||
| I don't even know why you would talk to me back then. | ||
| You make good videos! | ||
| That's the problem, is the thing that you do really well, you don't even do. | ||
| I've gotten back into it. | ||
| You please go back into it. | ||
| I need to go on the road with you sometime to do something cool though. | ||
| He's very talented. | ||
| Like, his video editing skills are amazing. | ||
| That's what I initially hired him for, because he's really good. | ||
| And then he became a podcaster, which he's challenged at. | ||
| He's challenged at communicating. | ||
| He's challenged at thinking about things. | ||
| That challenge is often his strength. | ||
| But his video skills, I think, no bullshit, and I'm not saying this just because you're here, you're one of the best video editors I've ever seen. | ||
| Like, you're... | ||
| Like, your sense of, like, timing and, like, your editing and the way you splice things together, you create something that doesn't exist. | ||
| Like, you're capable of, like, you put these weird touches on things and weird sounds and music and edit. | ||
| You have a real feel for it, man. | ||
| Like, you have a real talent. | ||
| Like, if you really pursued that... | ||
| You could be rich. | ||
| You really could be. | ||
| You should be a guy that people seek out to make their music videos and shit. | ||
| You have a weird sense of how to put things together. | ||
| It's a real talent, man. | ||
| Who edited your last special? | ||
| I did. | ||
| Could have been you, man. | ||
| The Comedy Central one? | ||
| Could have been you, Brian. | ||
| You see? | ||
| Joe's having to do it himself. | ||
| There's not much editing. | ||
| That's just camera cuts. | ||
| There's no editing. | ||
| What I'm talking about, he did some stuff. | ||
| Look at the Austin V is my favorite one. | ||
| That's a great one. | ||
| Yeah, the little Austin. | ||
| Yeah, the dude that was born with no arms. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| I'm talking about the Joey Diaz. | ||
| It was me... | ||
| Lil Esther, you, and Joey Diaz. | ||
| That was a great one too, yeah. | ||
| And just because the editing, the audio editing. | ||
| Because I pretty much remixed music to go with everything. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Dude, you're really fucking talented with that. | ||
| I really think it's your calling in life. | ||
| You know, it's like, as Joey Diaz is meant to be a stand-up comic, you're meant to be a video editor. | ||
| I have more fun doing stand-up comedy. | ||
| Oh, I know you do. | ||
| Because it's immediate. | ||
| It's immediate gratification. | ||
| But you do shit that I can't do. | ||
| I don't have that mind. | ||
| My mind does not work that way. | ||
| I'm trying to get back into it and then this new computer is finally getting to the point where it's so much the rendering thing was the thing that I hated and the reason that made me stop. | ||
| And we're just sitting there waiting for hours. | ||
| What about those new Macs, those tubes, those Super Mac, the tower? | ||
| Well, it's funny because you'd think that would be the best computer because I just bought a new computer. | ||
| And researching those, you realize that they're using a different processor that isn't really that... | ||
| Good for video editing as compared to the i7 processor that the iMacs use. | ||
| So if you look at rendering times on one of those machines versus a iMac, the iMac even comes across being faster in a lot of the tests because those use Xeon processors, which aren't really... | ||
| I don't know why they use Xeon processors. | ||
| So is it because the software is optimized for that certain processor? | ||
| Yeah, I think so. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| God, this is really boring. | ||
| No wonder you left video editing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Well, he would call me, like, you know, after he'd edited for like 12 hours, he'd go, I'm going fucking crazy. | ||
| I don't think I can do this anymore. | ||
| I'm almost done, but I'm going fucking crazy. | ||
| But the process, the result was amazing. | ||
| I just think you've got a very unique talent for that. | ||
| That was also back in the days when we were using mini DV tapes. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| So in order to edit, I had to transfer every single tape onto my computer, then look at it, and then go through the 50 hours. | ||
| Now, I mean... | ||
| You just pull a card out, slip it in. | ||
| You know what you should do? | ||
| While you're single? | ||
| You should do some sort of a Brian Reviews massage parlors. | ||
| I'm scared of those places now. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| Because my favorite place got busted, and now they're all fake cops that work there. | ||
| Yeah, but would you go to jail? | ||
| Do you go to jail for going? | ||
| You just gotta play dumb. | ||
| Oh yeah, you go to jail. | ||
| No, you just gotta play dumb. | ||
| He's gotta go, I'm here to get my feet rubbed. | ||
| Rub my feet. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know? | ||
| I'm here to get a foot massage. | ||
| True. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Do you want anything else? | ||
| Hey, whatever you want to do. | ||
| I'm just here. | ||
| I'm just going to close my eyes. | ||
| You do what you want to do. | ||
| And if you want a hundred bucks, you know, you just do what you want to do and I'll just lay back here. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I tip good. | |
| I tip good. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, I'm a good tipper. | ||
| I just like massages. | ||
| I'm just going to sit here. | ||
| You know me. | ||
| Were you going there because you got a little something extra or was it they got busted after the fact and you were like, wait, I didn't even know. | ||
| He doesn't know. | ||
| You don't know about rub maps. | ||
| Yeah, this is my favorite website that I read every single day. | ||
| Oh, you do know it. | ||
| He doesn't know it. | ||
| He's playing dumb. | ||
| He's being all Hollywood on us. | ||
| Josh McDermott, you've come a long way since Phoenix. | ||
| No, I mean, it's great, but it is something that also you have to think about, like the sex slave industry thing. | ||
| You'll run into places where you're just like, this person does not want to be here. | ||
| Like right now where I live, this is one of the craziest things. | ||
| I found there's this apartment or this old house next to me and they have like a garage a separate garage out back and just this little small garage and I saw Somebody come out of it the other day and I'm like what the fuck there's why is there some Asian girl in there? | ||
| and then like a couple days later Somebody opened up the door and there's like four people living in this little garage about the size of my car and Like, I mean, it's just, it's ridiculous. | ||
| And they're just living there. | ||
| And that's the kind of shit that freaks me out. | ||
| Okay, but is that just people that, like, you know, some people come here from another country, and they're poor, and they have a relative here. | ||
| The relative says, look, you can sleep in my garage until you get on your feet. | ||
| We'll set up some beds. | ||
| It's warm. | ||
| We're in Burbank. | ||
| You don't have to worry about it. | ||
| It doesn't get cold at night. | ||
| Or are they sex slaves? | ||
| I don't know, because they looked like they were just miserable. | ||
| That's the reality of prostitution being illegal, man. | ||
| That's a big part of the problem. | ||
| If prostitution was completely legal and like a massage, which it should be, I don't want to give people massages, okay? | ||
| I also don't want to give anybody any blowjobs. | ||
| But there's some people that don't care. | ||
| They like giving massages. | ||
| They don't mind giving blowjobs for $300 instead of working at Denny's for three days for $300. | ||
| And they wouldn't even get $300 if they worked there for three days. | ||
| They could blow you for five minutes and make $300. | ||
| Some people would do that, and that's their prerogative as adult human beings. | ||
| Our issue is legality and these weird ethics that we attach to sexuality over everything else we do. | ||
| Like, everything else you do where people serve you, where people will serve you drinks, they'll serve you food, they don't fucking want to. | ||
| Nobody wants to bring you your meat. | ||
| Nobody wants to say, Mr. McDermott, would you like some cracked pepper on that salad? | ||
| He doesn't want to put fucking pepper on your salad. | ||
| That guy's only doing it because he wants your money. | ||
| I mean, he's whoring himself out. | ||
| And I mean this in the nicest way possible. | ||
| He's not really, but he's doing it for money. | ||
| You know, it's a job. | ||
| It's a great job. | ||
| There's nothing wrong with being a waiter. | ||
| Don't get me wrong. | ||
| But there's also nothing wrong with having sex. | ||
| I mean, we have this crazy idea in our head that sex is evil and nasty. | ||
| Oh, you're paying for sex. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You get money for sex, you fucking whore. | |
| Somebody pays you and then they touch you! | ||
| You fucking bitch! | ||
| It's craziness. | ||
| We have these weird attachments that are completely socially constructed. | ||
| We've decided that these things are bad. | ||
| The real issue is that stuff. | ||
| Sex slavery. | ||
| You're not talking about a woman who's like... | ||
| Just a grown woman, a mature woman who decides on her own, you know, it's just sex. | ||
| Who gives a shit? | ||
| It's a fine way to pay my bills and I can go travel and I'll do whatever the fuck I want with my life and I'll be independent. | ||
| It's not, those are not the victims. | ||
| The real issue is When you have things illegal, then everything has to be seedy and hidden and, you know, in the darkness and underground, and then you get things like sex slavery. | ||
| It's very analogous to the drug war. | ||
| One of the real reasons why the drug war exists is because drugs are illegal. | ||
| One of the real reasons why there's so much crime in Mexico that's related to the drug trade is directly because drugs aren't legal. | ||
| If drugs were legal, you wouldn't have criminals that are selling drugs. | ||
| And if criminals weren't selling drugs, you'd be able to buy drugs the same way you go to fucking CVS and buy liquor. | ||
| There's no fucking gang wars over whiskey. | ||
| It's not happening. | ||
| Whiskey's sold, and it's taxed, and everybody seems to be fine. | ||
| Other than the fact that people drink it and do stupid shit while they're on it, there's no violence, and no murder, and no crime attached to the production of fine whiskey. | ||
| And that's how it should be with sex. | ||
| And that's how it should be with everything. | ||
| We are adult human beings. | ||
| If you want to pay someone to rub your feet, you should be able to do it. | ||
| Could you imagine if, like, back massages were somehow or another deemed morally outrageous, and you couldn't go and get a massage? | ||
| Like, you know those places at the airport where you sit down, you put your face in that chair, and they come over and rub your back? | ||
| What if they sucked your dick? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I've tried I put a blanket over us Nobody needs to know. | |
| But I mean, if you went to a place like that and they gave you handjobs, it would be the most glorious thing ever. | ||
| If you went to that place and there was a beautiful Russian lady and she took you into this quiet room and she just cupped your balls with one hand and jerked you off with the other, while you had an iPad, you're watching porn, it would be the greatest thing ever. | ||
| I want to know what's the difference between, like if you go on Backpage and you see they have escorts, then they have legit massages where they bring a table over to your house and they massage you. | ||
| They're all in the same category? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Then they have body sliders where it's like they bring a big inflatable raft that you have in a swimming pool and then you get naked and then they put oil over you and they just slide their naked body on you. | ||
| And that you're not fucking. | ||
| But it's like, is that illegal? | ||
| Or like, what makes it, you have to have insertion? | ||
| I mean, it just doesn't seem like escorting can be, you can be caught for it. | ||
| Because like, if you really, I don't know, it just seems like what's the law with that? | ||
| How much for a body slider, though? | ||
| 150 bucks usually for a half hour. | ||
| Do they define what a body slider is? | ||
| There's videos of it. | ||
| There's actually videos on YouTube. | ||
| I mean, it sounds great, but you sound like that's just a... | ||
| See, that's one of those things where it's like, again, it's like a cultural thing. | ||
| Like, what is a body slider? | ||
| You know, you have to define it. | ||
| Because, like, what's a sandwich? | ||
| Everybody knows a sandwich is some shit that's in between two slices of bread. | ||
| If you order a sandwich, someone brings you a pizza, you're like, what the fuck is this? | ||
| This is what we call a sandwich. | ||
| You know, what do you call a body slider in Northern California? | ||
| Is it the same as a body slider in Chicago? | ||
| What the fucking body slider, man? | ||
| Right. | ||
| Never heard of a body slider. | ||
| It's all underground, sneaky shit. | ||
| Yeah, body slides. | ||
| And you just sit there with like a boner out and they just pretty much rub their whole body on your boner, body, boobs. | ||
| Like it's just... | ||
| No insertion, but it's pretty much everything else. | ||
| But is that illegal? | ||
| I say no. | ||
| If no insertion, I don't think it's illegal. | ||
| So it's just insertion. | ||
| But I think if you cum, it's probably illegal. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| That's where all the fucking... | ||
| That's where the hullabaloo is. | ||
| It's about orgasming. | ||
| Nobody... | ||
| It's a bunch of haters. | ||
| They don't want you to cum. | ||
| Is there like a five-second rule, like if you cum but you put it in your mouth real quick and it doesn't count because it's going back in your body? | ||
| That's disgusting, man. | ||
| Why is it disgusting? | ||
| It came out of your body two seconds, you know? | ||
| Shut the fuck up. | ||
| Seriously. | ||
| Just think before you say something like that. | ||
| Imagine that undercover cop who got assigned to body sliding. | ||
| How about the undercover cop that watches him eat his own cum? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, five second rule. | |
| Five second rule. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What are you talking about? | |
| I don't see any cum. | ||
| I always find it weird though, like if you have a goober in your mouth and you can feel it, it's one of those thick ones, and then you spit it on a piece of paper, the idea of you now licking that back up is the most grossest thing in the world, but just a second ago you were in your mouth just tasting it and swishing it around. | ||
| Because you don't think about it. | ||
| It's out of sight, out of mind. | ||
| You don't have to look at it. | ||
| It's when you look at it. | ||
| You know, kind of grossed out right now. | ||
| Well, it's like if you had to take a shit, you know, that's one thing. | ||
| You're like, oh, I can't wait to take a shit. | ||
| And you get on that toilet, and it comes up. | ||
| But if you had to stuff that shit back in your asshole, if you had to reach in there with rubber gloves on and just pack your own ass, repack it, that might be one of the worst things you could ever do. | ||
| Like, taking a shit is amazing. | ||
| I love taking a dump. | ||
| When you hold it in for just a little bit, not a long time, A little extra 20 minutes. | ||
| And you get on that toilet, just... | ||
| You feel those logs just fucking barreling down the river. | ||
| Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. | ||
| I went to... | ||
| I took a dump at the mall the other day. | ||
| And I've been trying to eat healthier, eating more greens and stuff. | ||
| So it came out, like, very earthy, right? | ||
| It wasn't anything horrible. | ||
| It just smelled. | ||
| And I flushed. | ||
| And then the guy came in to clean the restroom and started choking... | ||
| And I felt so good. | ||
| And I could hear him trying to clean up and then at the end he was in there about two minutes and he goes, it smells like fucking shit! | ||
| And he just left. | ||
| I was like, oh yeah! | ||
| That was like a highlight of my life. | ||
| Yeah, like you scored on him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You did. | |
| You scored on him. | ||
| If you fucking shit in a bathroom and that guy's got to go in there right after you, you scored on him, dude. | ||
| And I had flushed. | ||
| So it wasn't like it was still sitting there stewing. | ||
| It was post-flush. | ||
| Well, there's nothing worse than when you have to shit really bad and the only option is a porta potty. | ||
| And you're at a concert, and there's 20 people behind you, and there's a long-ass line, and you go in there, and you plop down, and you're shitting on other people's shit that is on top of other people's shit, which is on other people's shit, which is all in Smurf juice. | ||
| And you're just dropping logs on top of pre-existing logs, and just gagging. | ||
| Meanwhile, the band's playing your favorite song. | ||
| Freebird, no, fuck, I gotta get my pants off! | ||
| That's why I was here! | ||
| I saw this online. | ||
| They had a thing about the porta-potties. | ||
| The whole point of them is you're supposed to close the lid, and then that will take the scent out up through this funnel, like this tube, and release the scent up there. | ||
| But the reason porta-potties smell so bad is because everyone just leaves the lid up. | ||
| Someone wants to touch it. | ||
| Oh, God. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's all bullshit. | ||
| It stinks. | ||
| It's a fucking confined space. | ||
| You're shitting in a phone booth. | ||
| It's not going anywhere. | ||
| That smells everywhere. | ||
| I think as a society we could try it. | ||
| If it's still going to stink, we can at least give it a shot. | ||
| In The Walking Dead, do you guys shit out in the woods? | ||
| Do you drop logs in the woods? | ||
| We got trailers out there that have, like, they're air conditioned. | ||
| They're down to, like, 50 degrees. | ||
| So it's, like, 90 degrees outside. | ||
| I mean, I'm finding excuses to take a dump. | ||
| Do you sometimes have, like, long downtime in between scenes so you can take a nice fat nap? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I used to love those. | ||
| If you can, I mean, well, because a lot of times, because we shoot on location, so everything, it takes a while to get back to, like, your trailer where, like, I have a couch or something I could sleep on, and so it's rare that they would make you sit for that long. | ||
| How far away are you from, like, the set? | ||
| Like, if your trailer is one place, how far away is the set where you're filming? | ||
| It's usually, it's always less than 10 minutes. | ||
| You were telling us before that you get there at 5 o'clock in the morning, but when are you done? | ||
| You didn't say when you were done. | ||
| Well, we'll use up all the sunshine. | ||
| So, like, the sun sets about 9 p.m. | ||
| in Georgia. | ||
| 9 p.m. | ||
| in the summer? | ||
| Wow. | ||
| So you're working long motherfucking days. | ||
| So they try and schedule it because I think, you know, there's like with the actors union, you have like a turnaround like 12 hours. | ||
| And if they make you come back, you know, shorter than the 12 hour turnaround, they have to pay you. | ||
| And so I don't know. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Actually, it's because I'm considered a local actor, a local hire, because I live in Atlanta. | ||
| Then there's some rules around that where they don't have to pay me all the time. | ||
| Did you get an apartment in Atlanta, or did you rent a house? | ||
| Yeah, I got an apartment. | ||
| And when you come back to LA, did you keep an apartment in LA, or did you just stay here for a little bit? | ||
| I kept one here and I'm going to have that as long as I'm on the show because I don't know when I'll get killed off and I'm not going to want to go find a new place. | ||
| I like where I live now. | ||
| Do you ever go to the producer and go, listen, I'm about to re-sign my lease? | ||
| Is there anything I should know? | ||
| That's a good question. | ||
| Apparently that happened with one of the actors at the start of the season because they're secretive to us. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| But they were like, hey, so I have a feeling I'm being set up to be killed. | ||
| I don't want to sign the lease. | ||
| I'm like, no, no, no, no, you're fine. | ||
| And they went and signed the lease, and then they get killed. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| What a dick. | ||
| Do they go to them and go, hey, what the fuck? | ||
| Yeah, they were pretty upset. | ||
| But then there was another guy who literally got it out of Lawrence Gilliard, who plays Bob, the guy who got his leg chopped off and eaten by the cannibals. | ||
| He didn't want to sign the lease because he had a feeling he was about to go. | ||
| And so he actually got the producers to tell him. | ||
| He sat in the meeting with them. | ||
| He wouldn't leave until they told him. | ||
| Like, yeah, you're going to die in episode three or whatever. | ||
| I don't get that. | ||
| It was because he was about to sign the lease. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So he's like, look, this is going to cost me $10,000 or $12,000. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| So he just didn't want to, you know, I mean, obviously you can break a lease and, you know, but you're still paying for that. | ||
| But he got it out of them. | ||
| And then, of course, like, you know, they didn't tell us that he was dying. | ||
| And I'm sitting there like texting him like, hey, man, where you live in this season? | ||
| And he's like radio silent. | ||
| And then I figured out that they were going to kill him. | ||
| I'm like, why would he be avoiding me right now? | ||
| He's not telling me where he's living. | ||
| It was just weird. | ||
| Whatever. | ||
| When you had that one scene where you shot up the truck and shot the gas tank and all that stuff, how much of that was real? | ||
| You were shooting a gun, but was it blanks or were you actually shooting at that car? | ||
| Because it seemed like you were actually hitting that car. | ||
| Yeah, it was half and half. | ||
| So they give you blanks, but then they tell you once you're out, just keep firing or mimicking like you're firing the weapon. | ||
| Because they'll cut it around and everything. | ||
| I think there's only like 20 rounds in that clip. | ||
| And I think if you really look at it, I was probably fired like over 100 shots. | ||
| That's a fucking problem with revolvers in movies. | ||
| It costs like five bucks to put in a muzzle flash in post-production. | ||
| So just keep jerking the gun like you're firing away. | ||
| And so I did that. | ||
| But then what they do is they had these guys, because we were right next to a cornfield and they had our special effects guys perched on some ladders with these paintball guns with these exploding I don't know, the pellets that kind of spark off. | ||
| So when I go and I shoot up the truck, they're actually the ones firing the truck and it just hits on the truck. | ||
| So that was really cool because they used to have to run this line of charges or whatever and have those explode at one time. | ||
| Well, when you kill a zombie, what is actually happening? | ||
| Because some of it is obviously so CGI-y, like the blood looks fake. | ||
| It's almost like they do it so it's not too realistic so they could show it, almost. | ||
| Like the craziness of the blood is almost like... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It varies, because the one scene in Terminus, when they beat the people over the head and then cut their throat, that looked real as fuck. | ||
| That was super disturbing. | ||
| With that, they had these tubes that were just tied around their neck. | ||
| And even everyone on set was going like, oh, this looks totally fake. | ||
| And they're like, no, no, no, we'll color that out later. | ||
| And the tubes were actually, like, gushing out the blood. | ||
| And so when they cut, you know, so they do the motion to cut, and I think they either had, like, a rubber knife, or a lot of times they have a knife that's just the handle with some, like, green tape on the end in it, so it's not a full knife or machete sort of thing. | ||
| And then they paint that in later. | ||
| Oh, the knife is CGI. Yeah, so, like, if I got this water bottle and there's no blade on the end of it, I just use that, and then they can just paint that in and make it look like a knife as I cut my throat. | ||
| So cool. | ||
| And then they just painted out the tube so that all that was left was just blood gushing out into the trough. | ||
| It was pretty fucking awesome. | ||
| It looked so real. | ||
| That looked awful. | ||
| That was brutal, man. | ||
| Well, that whole scene was like... | ||
| It was so... | ||
| It was hard to... | ||
| See how these people could become those people. | ||
| It was so hard, especially when they would show the background on them, like what they were when the whole outbreak first happened. | ||
| Like they were normal and then they became cannibals. | ||
| And they're just treating and they're marking down on clipboards where they're beating people over the head with bats. | ||
| It's all methodical, yeah. | ||
| It was really weird. | ||
| It was almost too over the top because it was like, God, I can't see anybody that I know getting to that point where they club someone and turn them into a steak. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, but... | ||
| But at this point, you gotta survive. | ||
| You gotta eat. | ||
| Terrifying, though. | ||
| But all that CGI stuff, Michonne, the girl with the sword, like, her sword is fake, usually. | ||
| And that's all painted in after the fact. | ||
| So what does her sword look like when she's swinging it around? | ||
| It's just the handle. | ||
| That's it? | ||
| Just the handle, yeah. | ||
| Just the handle? | ||
| So there's no sword? | ||
| So they have a real sword, but they rarely ever have it out and use it, you know? | ||
| Like, they might use it if she's just, like, presenting it to someone or whatever. | ||
| But then they have, like, a rubber sword. | ||
| That looks exactly like it, or plastic, for safety reasons. | ||
| But then they just have a lot of them that are either like a half nub, or just no sword at all, just the handle. | ||
| She has the best weapon, for sure. | ||
| That was one thing that I learned. | ||
| If the zombies are coming, and then not those 28 Days Later zombies that fucking sprint at you, if those slow-ass zombies... | ||
| You want to have a samurai sword? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I would have a great old fucking time. | ||
| That's one of the things that I didn't understand about the prison when everybody was like, you know, all these zombies are pushing up against that wall. | ||
| I'm like, there's not that many. | ||
| Give me a sword. | ||
| Let me go out there and go fuck them up. | ||
| Just go out there and start popping them, yeah. | ||
| Have a great time. | ||
| Just start fucking hacking heads off. | ||
| That's kind of the sad thing is that we'll never really get to experience that. | ||
| Oh, you say that. | ||
| You never know. | ||
| With all these liberals today and their denying of the Lord, the demons may rise. | ||
| All this gay marriage and transgender mayors and all kinds of shit going on in the world. | ||
| I would take that samurai sword over basically any weapon because it's not too heavy. | ||
| Like, if you had, like, Conan's sword, like a big broadsword... | ||
| That'd be tough. | ||
| That's heavy. | ||
| You'd have to be... | ||
| It'd be real tough. | ||
| ...some, you know, built like the rock or something. | ||
| I'd like an aluminum bat. | ||
| Yeah, but they don't always die. | ||
| That's another confusing thing about the zombies. | ||
| You've just got to poke them in the eye and they're dead. | ||
| It seems like you just get into their head. | ||
| Get their brain. | ||
| And it's super easy to stab someone in the temple, apparently. | ||
| And the knife just goes right in there like it's butter. | ||
| Is it the zombie blood that makes you a zombie? | ||
| Or is there any secretions? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Could you fuck a zombie in the butt? | ||
| Would you become a zombie if you fucked a zombie in the butt? | ||
| I don't think so, but you're already infected, so who cares? | ||
| Yeah, you're already infected, which is weird, because when the guy got bit last night, that episode, he got bit, but if he just cauterizes that wound, does he become a zombie? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Um... | |
| Oh, I fucked him up. | ||
| I think... | ||
| I fucked him up. | ||
| Dude, I'm not the expert on this, but I think... | ||
| They didn't think this shit through. | ||
| I don't think they thought this shit through. | ||
| Yeah, actually, the whole show sucks. | ||
| LAUGHTER I think if the, you know, because you're already infected or you already have what's, you know, that's inside you. | ||
| If you die, you're going to turn. | ||
| But if you get bit, then that infection is going to come in and trigger whatever's inside of you. | ||
| So if you cut off your arm like they did and cauterize it, then you're probably okay. | ||
| Because they did that with Herschel in his leg. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Yeah, that was weird. | ||
| That was like, okay, you guys just fuck with the rules. | ||
| Because it used to be something bites you and then it gets in your bloodstream. | ||
| Well, they've been fucking with the rules since the beginning, even in the pilot. | ||
| Because zombies aren't supposed to have any sort of recollection of them being normal humans. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There was like a little girl at that gas station who walks by and just bends down and picks up her little teddy bear that was hers and tucks it up and walks away. | ||
| But her face is all mangled. | ||
| She's a zombie at that point. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| Because Frank Darabont was like, fuck the rules. | ||
| I'm going to do my own thing. | ||
| I like that guy. | ||
| You know? | ||
| You used to go to medieval times to get some chain mail, right? | ||
| Wouldn't you just wear like a knight outfit? | ||
| Yeah, you would just dress up like a riot, please. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Why don't you do that? | ||
| Do it. | ||
| Riot police. | ||
| They have the Kevlar. | ||
| They can't bite through that shit. | ||
| They can't bite through that shit. | ||
| Their teeth would break. | ||
| Yeah, you can't even fucking stab someone through that shit. | ||
| There's a guy who made a shark bite suit. | ||
| Did you see this? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So I did some Shark After Dark during Shark Week with Josh Wolfe. | ||
| You did Shark After Dark? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Have you heard of this show? | ||
| You know Josh Wolfe, right? | ||
| The comic? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So he hosts it, and they just talk all about sharks and all this stuff. | ||
| And this guy comes on, and he had this chainmail suit that is supposedly bite-proof. | ||
| And they were stabbing... | ||
| Josh was wearing it. | ||
| They were stabbing him with a knife, and the knife was bending... | ||
| And they were trying to stab him in the chest, but the guy was showing us how, you know, you can just take a knife and he had the glove on and he was slicing like the webbing in between his fingers. | ||
| And everyone's like, oh my god, oh whatever. | ||
| And then they gave me an ice pick and he put his hand out and kind of like that movie Alien, I had to go in between his fingers. | ||
| And do that. | ||
| And they told me beforehand, they go, go ahead and like, you know, pop him in the hand a few times because he's not going to, it's not going to hurt him or anything. | ||
| And so I did that. | ||
| And then I just started just jamming the ice pick into his hand. | ||
| And apparently I broke his hand. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You broke his hand? | ||
| I broke his hand. | ||
| Josh told me that. | ||
| How hard were you jamming it? | ||
| Oh dude, it was, I was pounding, man. | ||
| But I'm like, the producers told me that it was okay. | ||
| But he's like, oh, he was like, ooh, okay. | ||
| And some people that were with me were like, oh, dude, I think you heard him. | ||
| I'm like, no, he's playing it up. | ||
| They said he couldn't get hurt. | ||
| But then Josh tells me like a month later, he's like, yeah, you broke that dude's hand. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| I felt good. | ||
| I'm stronger than a shark! | ||
| That's the one thing that would freak you out. | ||
| Like, if a shark got a hold of your arm, it's just gonna snap your fucking arm like a twig. | ||
| It's just like a swimming muscle. | ||
| Like, I've seen a lot of guys get their arms broken in fights where they get kicked and they're blocking the kick and, like, the shin hits their arm. | ||
| I saw one just last night. | ||
| I was watching AXS TV, Legacy Kickboxing. | ||
| This guy got kicked, blocked it, and his arm just went limp in the middle. | ||
| Just started dangling low. | ||
| Oh, God. | ||
| And he's still fighting. | ||
| He threw a knee and you see his arm flopping around. | ||
| Did you hear about Hector Lombard? | ||
| Yes, another one tests positive. | ||
| The UFC and MMA in general is a steroid epidemic. | ||
| They've started this really stringent testing and everybody's getting popped. | ||
| They're just getting popped left and right. | ||
| It's one of the things that fighters have been saying for a long time, that everyone's on steroids. | ||
| A huge percentage, give them number, 50, 60, whatever the fuck it is, that are on steroids. | ||
| Apparently, your body just can't... | ||
| The idea of a normal training camp, which is fighters will work out sometimes three times a day. | ||
| Maybe they'll run and do sprints in the morning. | ||
| Then they'll do some kind of strength and conditioning in the afternoon. | ||
| Then they'll do wrestling or jiu-jitsu at night. | ||
| And they'll vary. | ||
| The next day they'll do kickboxing in the morning and running in the afternoon and weightlifting at night. | ||
| And they mix it up. | ||
| But you're talking about working out three times in a day. | ||
| Because you have all these different skills that you have to work on. | ||
| You have to work on your wrestling. | ||
| You have to work on kickboxing, jujitsu. | ||
| And there's just not enough time in the day. | ||
| And there's not enough time for your body to heal. | ||
| So that's where it comes in Dr. Feelgood. | ||
| It comes along. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah! | |
| Bang! | ||
| What do you think, though, with, like, you know, Silva was injured and they were saying that maybe the doctor that he was working with has had a past of, you know, over-prescribing, you know, amounts of steroids or legal steroids. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Maybe? | |
| You're saying maybe or he has? | ||
| No, he has. | ||
| I saw something the other day where a... | ||
| What's his doctor's name? | ||
| He's like a Brazilian... | ||
| It's okay, whatever his name is. | ||
| I guess in the past, this other fighter was like, yeah, he was approved to use this kind of steroid or something like that for an injury, and he gave me too much, which caused me to be like seven months of being penalized out of the UFC. I forget this fighter's name, but he says that's what's happened to Silva. | ||
| Silva, he's been fighting since 17. He's never touched steroids. | ||
| He's been working this injury, and it might just be that, right? | ||
| It could be. | ||
| There's a lot of it could be that. | ||
| But another issue is there was a TV show they did a long time ago back from Anderson's house. | ||
| And one of the things they saw in the background was pen tips for Nordotropin. | ||
| It was on the shelf, a very specific box that has pen tips. | ||
| Nordotropin is a type of human growth hormone pen, and you take this human growth hormone and you inject it in someone's body. | ||
| And so, that might not have been his, so who knows? | ||
| UFC fighter claims some doctor who screwed up his TRT has now victimized Anderson Silva. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Listen, you can't listen to these guys, though, because there's a lot of... | ||
| Yeah, see, Bigfoot, you know, he... | ||
| He's blaming a doctor for him taking an abnormally high dose of testosterone. | ||
| May be true, may not be true, but it's within his best interest to say that the doctor is at fault and it's not his fault. | ||
| The doctor said he was going to sue him because the doctor's like, you know, you're lying, I didn't do anything unethical or outrageous to you, and everything you wanted me to do I did for you. | ||
| Who the fuck knows who's telling the truth? | ||
| It's totally a he said, she said thing. | ||
| It turns into a game. | ||
| But Anderson was coming back from a broken leg, and he tested positive for, the way I understand it, metabolites, which means it was leaving his system. | ||
| It was a very trace amount. | ||
| If that is the case, it could very well be that he got on some steroids so that he could heal up quicker. | ||
| Because what steroids do is they allow you to recover quicker. | ||
| So if he's 39 years old and he broke his fucking leg, you're talking about a long-ass period of recovery. | ||
| Or you take steroids and you recover in 9 months instead of 15 months or fill in the blank with whatever the real number is. | ||
| So that could be what was going on, but the reality is it's illegal. | ||
| You can't do it. | ||
| If it takes you 15 months, the excuse cannot be, oh, I'm going to give you some illegal drugs so that you heal quicker. | ||
| This is the only reason why you take these drugs. | ||
| Don't worry about it. | ||
| You'll be fine. | ||
| No, you're never allowed to take steroids. | ||
| Because one of the things that happens when you take steroids is it creates permanent changes in your muscles. | ||
| Depending upon the steroid permanent changes permanent like your your muscle density and your tendon strength and various attributes of your muscles It's been proven that some of the benefits of steroids continue permanently So it's not just when you're on them you're fucking the Hulk because a lot of these guys Especially back in the day when they were fighting in pride like they I had Ensign Inouye, who was on the podcast, who was a fighter from Pride, who was totally clean, who said it was on his fucking contract. | ||
| They said on the contract, we will not test you for steroids. | ||
| They said on the contract, encouraged guys to take steroids. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| So a lot of guys took it. | ||
| But you get stronger than you're supposed to be. | ||
| You're not really a person anymore. | ||
| It's like if you're a person, okay? | ||
| Let's imagine, you know, they're doing all these weird things now with genetics where they're taking like a fucking mouse and they're growing a human ear on its back and then, you know, taking that human ear and inserting it in a person. | ||
| We're doing all this weird shit with people. | ||
| If they take Josh McDermott and they add one-tenth of one percent rhino genes and all of a sudden you're fucking running through brick walls and... | ||
| Are you even a person anymore? | ||
| If you get off that drug but you retain a fraction of that ability, whatever the fraction is, it's arguable that a person who takes steroids, especially prolonged steroid use over a long career of fighting, you know, you've fought for 15 years, been taking steroids for 15 years, You're not really technically the same as you would ever be without those steroids. | ||
| You're another category. | ||
| Coca-Cola has a certain amount of ingredients. | ||
| This is a bad analogy, I know. | ||
| But if you look at the ingredients of Coca-Cola and you add tequila, that is not fucking Coca-Cola anymore. | ||
| Now you have a new thing. | ||
| Shit sandwich. | ||
| Should you be able to serve that Coca-Cola tequila out of a Coke machine? | ||
| No, you should not, because people are looking for Coke. | ||
| Now, human beings vary widely biologically, so it's not the best analogy, but the reality is, especially as this whole steroid epidemic is one thing we have to recognize. | ||
| The use of steroids is less than 100 years old. | ||
| Less than 100 years old in steroids and athletics. | ||
| I mean, I don't know what the fuck they were taking in the 1940s if they had anything. | ||
| Cocaine. | ||
| They did. | ||
| They did take cocaine back then. | ||
| I mean, they did. | ||
| They most certainly did. | ||
| Amphetamines have always been an issue with baseball. | ||
| Amphetamines and stimulants and things that increase your ability to concentrate and your ability to stay awake. | ||
| There's always been substances that people have taken, but the actual use of anabolic steroids in human beings is relatively recent in human history. | ||
| And I think that as time goes on, they're going to create more and more powerful and crazier shit, and it's going to get to the point where you're going to test negative because you're not on it anymore, but your body will forever be changed. | ||
| Like, girls will be in denial about having a fake butt. | ||
| Oh my god, it's totally my butt. | ||
| Because they can take the fat, suck it out of your thighs, pack it in your ass, and it stays in your ass now. | ||
| It stays forever. | ||
| When you gain weight, your ass gains weight. | ||
| When you lose weight, your ass loses weight. | ||
| But your ass will always have more fat than it ever did before because you literally pack fat in there, and people can lie about it. | ||
| I got that scar. | ||
| I fell on a swing when I was little. | ||
| You're going to have men that are like that. | ||
| You're going to take a guy, and you're going to give him a shot, and he's going to turn into the fucking Hulk, and then that shot's going to wear off, and his body's going to stay the same. | ||
| And it's going to happen. | ||
| It's going to happen. | ||
| They're on their way. | ||
| There's all sorts of... | ||
| Like this thing that Hector Lombard got popped for today, I've never even heard of this shit before. | ||
| They're calling it DMT, which is obviously not dimethyltryptamine, but it's... | ||
| I'm going to try this. | ||
| What if it was? | ||
| Deso-methyl-testosterone. Deso-des- whoa. Desoxy- D-E-S-O-X-Y. Desoxymethyl-testosterone. Desoxy-methy-testosterone. | ||
| Whatever the fuck that is, I've never even heard of it before. | ||
| And so it's apparently a designer anabolic steroid. | ||
| So what I think that means is that one of these steroids has been concocted to get around the rules. | ||
| Like, you know, they had that shit, the Clear that Barry Bonds was on, the Balco scandal. | ||
| That was all about, they devised a steroid that was very similar to... | ||
| In efficacy, in the way it worked, but not the same exact molecular structure as, like, anabolic steroids that are common. | ||
| So they were able to put it on these guys. | ||
| It was like a lotion. | ||
| You'd rub it on. | ||
| Your body would fucking get crazy. | ||
| And they would pass these tests. | ||
| You know, the tests are getting way, way more sophisticated. | ||
| So, who knows? | ||
| Lombard must have thought that he couldn't get in trouble for this shit. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't understand it. | ||
| Have you ever tried steroids, Josh? | ||
| No. | ||
| I mean, I've had, like, steroid shots. | ||
| Cortisone shots, right? | ||
| Yeah, stuff like that, but no. | ||
| Dude, they used to have the shit that you could buy, the strongest shit that I ever took, you could buy. | ||
| You could buy it in, um, you could buy it in, like, GNC, and it was called Mag10. | ||
| It was ridiculous. | ||
| You take, like, ten pills a day, and you would gain, like, I gained, like, ten pounds of muscle in, like, six weeks of doing it. | ||
| And this is how I know that it was a total steroid. | ||
| Because, first of all, now it's illegal. | ||
| You can't sell it anymore. | ||
| But when I got off it, my dick took a vacation. | ||
| It's like, see ya, dude. | ||
| Like, my testosterone just shut down. | ||
| It just stopped working. | ||
| And I was like, whoa, this is crazy. | ||
| Like, I couldn't get it up. | ||
| Like, my dick was broken for, like, two weeks. | ||
| That's fucked up. | ||
| Good grief, man. | ||
| But it's some shit that you could just buy. | ||
| There used to be all these loopholes. | ||
| You could buy stuff at GNC. You could just buy these things. | ||
| Is Tribulus still legal? | ||
| No, that's legal. | ||
| See, those are very mild. | ||
| Tribulus and... | ||
| It seemed like it still fucked with me. | ||
| I remember taking that and then after a couple weeks getting kind of like angry or... | ||
| That doesn't really make sense. | ||
| No? | ||
| No. | ||
| Why were you taking it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's very, very mild. | |
| Because I hang out with Joe Rogan, man. | ||
| LAUGHTER Tribulus is just a root, and it very mildly enhances your body's production of testosterone. | ||
| There's another one called Tongat Ali that has a similar effect that's also like a plant-based substance that mildly enhances your body's ability to... | ||
| But it doesn't fuck with the production of it. | ||
| The thing about steroids is, what happens is, like, you take something and it just jacks your body's levels of testosterone. | ||
| So then your body's natural production of testosterone shuts down. | ||
| And that's why, like, when I took that Mag10 stuff, like, after I got off of it, my body was like, yeah, dude, I'm not really feeling, like, fucking, we're just gonna, we'll just take a little break here. | ||
| I mean, it took two weeks to get your wiener back. | ||
| It wasn't really two weeks. | ||
| It was really, you know, I'm probably exaggerating. | ||
| How long before you felt like you were maybe, I mean, did you feel any other side effects after going off of it? | ||
| I felt weak. | ||
| I felt physically weaker, and then I lost some weight. | ||
| I lost muscle mass. | ||
| You gain a certain amount of muscle mass. | ||
| But there was like a lot of these things that you could just buy. | ||
| You should just buy them at stores because they were like these loopholes. | ||
| Like, you know how bath salts exist? | ||
| Do you know the whole story behind it? | ||
| It exists, for folks who don't know, because you would take something like crystal meth, which is an absolutely illegal drug, but if you change just one compound, one molecule of that compound, just alter it slightly, and then sell it, no one can say it's illegal because it's not illegal. | ||
| It's not the same thing anymore. | ||
| If meth is illegal and then you just tweak it a little bit, like dimethyltryptamine was turned, this is the psychedelic drug, was made illegal in 1970 by the sweeping psychedelic act of 1970. But they missed 5-methoxy dimethyltryptamine, which is actually stronger. | ||
| This is NN dimethyltryptamine and then 5-methoxy dimethyltryptamine. | ||
| 5-methoxy dimethyltryptamine is like Dimethyltryptamine, like an oxygen molecule attached to it or something like that. | ||
| So it's just slightly different, but legal. | ||
| But if you'd smoked it, you would go to the center of the fucking universe and converge with God in the most epic journey of your life. | ||
| I mean, it's like way stronger than mushrooms. | ||
| I mean, if you took a good breakthrough dose of 5-MeO-DMT, it'll change you for the rest of your fucking life. | ||
| And that was legal. | ||
| And it was only legal because it wasn't technically dimethyltryptamine, which was illegal. | ||
| So that's what this bath salts thing is. | ||
| They alter the compound slightly, and then they sell it not for human consumption. | ||
| They say bath salts, and then they sell it at grocery stores or, I mean, you know, 7-Elevens or wherever they want to sell it. | ||
| Gas stations, mostly, I think. | ||
| And they can get away with doing that because it's not technically the same drug. | ||
| And they just keep altering it. | ||
| Keep tweaking it a little bit here and tweaking it a little bit there with varying results too, which gets really weird. | ||
| The difference between DMT and 5-MeO DMT is profound in the effects. | ||
| 5-MeO is stronger, but there's no visual experience. | ||
| The visual is just pure white, and it's like white molecules, like fractal white around you. | ||
| It doesn't have the visual effect of NN-dimethyltryptamine. | ||
| NN-dimethyltryptamine, which is what... | ||
| What ayahuasca is based on. | ||
| It's very hallucinogenic. | ||
| The things you see, the visuals are spectacular. | ||
| The colors are amazing. | ||
| All those things are missing from 5-MeO, which is like kissing cousins to the same drug. | ||
| I think one of the things that's wrong with basalts is that Some of them, you know, you tweak it one way or another, and especially on different individuals, they have biodiversity in the way they respond to different drugs. | ||
| You have varying effects, like that fucking dude who ate that dude's face off. | ||
| Good grief. | ||
| Just like zombies. | ||
| We bring it back to zombies. | ||
| How do you remember all that shit, man? | ||
| Drugs. | ||
| Drugs help me remember it. | ||
| I take alpha brain. | ||
| That helps me remember it. | ||
| You had to have been really good in school. | ||
| That's terrible in school. | ||
| That makes no sense because you capture so much information. | ||
| You were an encyclopedia of knowledge. | ||
| I was talking to someone the other day, I don't remember who, but I was just like, yeah, he'll start saying something and just like 10 minutes later you're just like, I don't even remember what you said. | ||
| There was so much information you just threw at me. | ||
| And it's not like you're like, because for me, I'm always like, yeah, so then there's this one drug and it's like five and something. | ||
| But anyway, no, you like, I don't know when you learned about all this, but I guarantee it was a while ago and you still can recall it like that. | ||
| Yeah, but that's only certain things. | ||
| I admire that. | ||
| It's only things that I'm interested in. | ||
| See, I have a photographic memory for some things. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| But for things that I don't give a fuck about, there's no memory. | ||
| So that's why he wasn't good in school. | ||
| He just didn't give a fuck about it. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| I remember teachers that were annoying. | ||
| I remember funny things that happened in school. | ||
| I remember things that I learned that I thought was fascinating. | ||
| But if I didn't care, my brain only works for shit I care about. | ||
| I'm completely reckless in that regard. | ||
| I didn't plan for the future at all. | ||
| Never graduated college. | ||
| Never thought about it. | ||
| Never like, man, I need to figure out a way to get a real job. | ||
| Nope. | ||
| Nope, not going to do it. | ||
| From the jump, I went to college for three years completely just so that people didn't think I was a loser. | ||
| That's the only reason why I went. | ||
| Barely paid attention. | ||
| I went to UMass Boston and just fucking half-assed it. | ||
| I didn't even take my SATs because I went out of college. | ||
| I took a year off and I was like, well, eventually I'll take my SATs. | ||
| I'll go to school. | ||
| I'll get a degree. | ||
| I was a bullshit myself. | ||
| And then a year later, I was like, I've got to do something. | ||
| I can't keep telling people that I'm eventually going to go back to college. | ||
| So I started going, UMass Boston had this continuing education program where you didn't even have to have SAT scores. | ||
| You just had to have not failed high school, I guess. | ||
| I don't remember how it exactly went. | ||
| But I was wasting my time. | ||
| I was just going and half-assing it. | ||
| And then three years in, I think they told me I couldn't come back because my grades are really bad. | ||
| So I remember I bullshitted and wrote this really eloquent response. | ||
| And I wrote it all out and I was going to send it in. | ||
| And then I read it and I was like, if I put half as much effort into school as I did to bullshitting them with this really eloquent letter that I'm writing about, I don't If you want to go to school, then I feel like, I gotta stop. | ||
| Just stop. | ||
| I am not gonna get a fucking normal job. | ||
| My parents are completely disappointed in me, but it's okay. | ||
| I'm already out of the house, so let's just run with this. | ||
| They didn't want me doing anything that I ever did, so let me just keep going. | ||
| So the things that I'm interested in, like back then, if you asked me questions about Taekwondo, which is what I was obsessed with back then. | ||
| I would be able to tell you everything, where it started, who created it, who invented this technique, who was first successful with this technique, when they changed the variability of how you use your hips. | ||
| There's one style that does it this way, another style does it that way. | ||
| This is the benefits of this, this is the benefits of that. | ||
| I would be able to rattle off anything about things that I was interested in. | ||
| I have an OCD, obsessive, weird brain, but it's not a good brain for It's not a good brain for remembering to pay your bills. | ||
| It's not a good brain for, like, if I had a job and, you know, you've got to show effort to be a part of this company. | ||
| This company is all about co-operation. | ||
| See that board? | ||
| We've got our tenants that we abide by. | ||
| I've fucking checked out. | ||
| Gone. | ||
| Second paragraph. | ||
| I'm already trying to figure out how to make a living delivering newspapers right on the boss or something. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| I was horrible in school, man. | ||
| Of course you were. | ||
| That's why you're funny. | ||
| But I would ace all my tests without studying. | ||
| Huh? | ||
| Just because I learn by listening. | ||
| And so I just keep my mouth shut a lot of times and I just absorb that way. | ||
| And then so I'd listen to lectures or whatever. | ||
| And then in high school, most of your grade is your homework. | ||
| But I'm like, fuck the homework. | ||
| And I'd come in and ace my test and just barely pass with a C, you know, because I would at least get a little bit. | ||
| And so then in college, they don't care if you do your homework or not. | ||
| You don't get graded on that. | ||
| So I was getting great grades in college. | ||
| I just barely get by by just doing the homework. | ||
| Or by acing the test. | ||
| You just have a really good brain. | ||
| I mean, that's what it is. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Your brain works. | ||
| I slept all day. | ||
| I would stay up and watch Tonight Show, Johnny Carson, and I'd watch Letterman, and then I would watch whatever was after that, and then go to bed like four in the morning, wake up at six, Go to school, sleep in every single class. | ||
| That's why I wear a hat. | ||
| I'd just sit down and be like this. | ||
| You know, I'd just be like... | ||
| You know, and then somehow I just got C's. | ||
| I got C's all through high school. | ||
| The problem with high school is that it's being taught by people that are not making any money. | ||
| Nobody gives a fuck about them. | ||
| You only hear about them when they make mistakes. | ||
| Nobody's praising teachers for being amazing and being inspirational. | ||
| It's so rare that teachers get any props. | ||
| They're not financially compensated. | ||
| Even though they have one of the most important roles in a child's development, they're not considered significant. | ||
| It's a stupid fucking thing that we've done. | ||
| We've created these really arcane, shitty, ineffective systems for education. | ||
| And it's rare that you get one that's great. | ||
| I mean, when you find a good school district, man, people fucking sell their houses, move to these neighborhoods. | ||
| They do whatever they can to be involved. | ||
| They start signing their kid up right when they're born, just to get into kindergarten. | ||
| They do whatever they can to get their kid into a good school system. | ||
| And then the argument of not paying the teachers. | ||
| Well, we don't want to pay them a lot of money and then attract the wrong kind of people. | ||
| What does that mean? | ||
| What the fuck does that mean, man? | ||
| It is so stupid. | ||
| It's very aggravating. | ||
| I have several teachers in my family, and it's very frustrating to see the struggles that they go through and not having enough money in the budget to buy the frickin' materials they need to teach the kids the curriculum. | ||
| And that's not just like... | ||
| Centralized to that school district. | ||
| It is like nationwide. | ||
| It's got to be fun because kids like to play. | ||
| Like, here's the thing. | ||
| One of the things that drives me fucking bananas is this idea that kids that are bored in class have a disease. | ||
| He's got ADHD, OCD. He's got something. | ||
| He's not sitting. | ||
| You're not supposed to sit! | ||
| Okay, little kids are supposed to be playing, and they have energy. | ||
| Dude, I have little kids, and my six-year-old, she's a fucking bundle of energy. | ||
| They literally will run around the house screaming. | ||
| The six and the four. | ||
| They get together and they go, Ah! | ||
| And they just run. | ||
| It's like they have a flame inside them they need to burn off. | ||
| And you make a little kid sit in a class and pay attention. | ||
| Pay attention, Joshua. | ||
| Joshua, up here on the board. | ||
| I want your eyes up here. | ||
| And you're like, oh my god, I've got to get out of here. | ||
| Your body's freaking out. | ||
| Your body is literally freaking out. | ||
| You just want to get the Get the fuck out of here! | ||
| And meanwhile, you got a video game in your pocket you want to play, or you got a fucking comic book you want to read that's way more stimulating and interesting than this horse shit. | ||
| This fucking lady's talking to you in Spanish. | ||
| We're in America, bitch! | ||
| Okay? | ||
| No, no, no, no! | ||
| I don't want to hear it! | ||
| I don't want to hear it! | ||
| I gotta get out of here! | ||
| And that's most kids through high school. | ||
| You're fucking, whether it's math or English or fucking history, you don't want to be doing that right then. | ||
| And, you know, the idea is that they're going to teach you discipline. | ||
| You're going to sit there. | ||
| No, they're going to turn you into a goddamn zombie. | ||
| That's what they're going to do. | ||
| They're going to turn you into a cubicle zombie. | ||
| And if you let them, they will do it. | ||
| Or if you resist, you can find your way out of the system. | ||
| But the idea that you're not intelligent unless you follow this ridiculous curriculum that turns you into a worker bee is fucking stupid. | ||
| It's a stupid, shitty plan that they've been following for a long fucking time. | ||
| And it doesn't work on everybody. | ||
| You're different than me. | ||
| I'm different than you. | ||
| We're fucking different. | ||
| And every kid needs a different approach to absorbing information. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| And you're going to have interests that I don't have. | ||
| You know, like we're talking about video editing. | ||
| If I had to go to fucking school or I had to become a video editor, I'm not interested in it. | ||
| It's not... | ||
| I have no fascination. | ||
| Like if you had to become a professional pool player, you have no fascination with it. | ||
| It's like you... | ||
| We all vary in our personality, in our... | ||
| Life experiences and in what we're attracted to. | ||
| And some people are going to be attracted to different things. | ||
| I believe that children should absolutely learn the basic building blocks. | ||
| Every kid should learn how to write. | ||
| You should learn how to read. | ||
| You should learn how to count. | ||
| You should learn about the important facets of history. | ||
| Agreed! | ||
| Everyone. | ||
| But the idea that every fucking kid should follow the same curriculum in the same way. | ||
| And how come nobody ever takes kids that are fucking antsy or that crack jokes all the time Nobody ever pulls him aside and goes, hey man, you should be a fucking comic. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, you know, you could be a comic. | ||
| There's thousands of them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Like, we're not talking about be the president. | ||
| I ain't gonna be the president when I grow up. | ||
| Listen, bitch, there's one fucking president. | ||
| One. | ||
| 350 million people, one guy gets to be president. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Good luck. | |
| That's a shitty fucking job proposition. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Your odds suck. | ||
| But, the odds of being a comedian? | ||
| Not bad. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| If you're actually funny, you can... | ||
| Oh, you're... | ||
| Listen. | ||
| Johnny, sit down. | ||
| You're a fuck-up. | ||
| Here's the good news. | ||
| So was Bill Cosby. | ||
| So was Sam Kinison. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's right. | |
| So was Richard Pryor. | ||
| So was Eddie Murphy. | ||
| They're all fuck-ups, okay? | ||
| The fuck-ups are comics. | ||
| That's not all comics, you know? | ||
| I'm sure there's probably comics that were really studious and did great and had good grades. | ||
| A lot of us were fuck-ups. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| God damn it. | ||
| Brian, he's right. | ||
| I guess. | ||
| It's so funny how many like I always see these speeches people put from this podcast and inspirational videos and stuff like that. | ||
| You just had one the other day on Break.com. | ||
| I don't know if you know where somebody took you doing kind of like what you just did, but put it together with the videos and stuff. | ||
| It's so amazing how many people listen to those. | ||
| And they're all over my Facebook nowadays. | ||
| Well, I hope they help. | ||
| I hope they do. | ||
| I don't mean it. | ||
| I don't do it because I hope someone's going to make a video out of it. | ||
| I do it because I'm frustrated. | ||
| I'm frustrated by people that I know that are just living in hell. | ||
| I know too many people that just, they've been lied to. | ||
| And they don't have anybody around them that tells them any different. | ||
| They don't have anybody around them that tells them, man, there's a lot of paths in this life. | ||
| There's a lot of people that start their own businesses. | ||
| There's a lot of people that sell art or become landscapers or do things that they enjoy or become hunting guides or become someone who takes people on hiking tours. | ||
| There's a lot There's a lot of fucking different things to do in this life. | ||
| And everyone gets lumped into these same paths and they're just shoving us in like fucking cattle into these packed in paths where everybody wants to put that stupid hat on with the tassels. | ||
| I got my paper that says I'm not retarded. | ||
| It's fucking crazy, man. | ||
| And you die just like everybody else dies. | ||
| You live and you die. | ||
| All you're supposed to be trying to do is make enough money to get by and be happy with what you're doing. | ||
| And you're going to like different shit. | ||
| You're going to like different shit. | ||
| Yeah, it's ridiculous. | ||
| What are they called? | ||
| The counselors or whatever? | ||
| The woman told me I was too stupid to go to college and then I shouldn't think about going into the military, which pissed me off because, you know, that's stupid. | ||
| But military or learning a trade. | ||
| That's what they told me. | ||
| I need to learn a trade. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| I need to learn a trade. | ||
| Well, neither of those interest me. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| You should learn how to kill people, Josh McDermott. | ||
| You're too stupid to go to college. | ||
| You can't sell insurance. | ||
| You should be out shooting strangers. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| For Uncle Sam. | ||
| That's what they told me, man. | ||
| I had horrible conversations with high school guidance counselors. | ||
| No hope. | ||
| There's no hope. | ||
| You don't pay attention in school. | ||
| Nancy Klesner. | ||
| That was her name. | ||
| It was killing me. | ||
| Nancy Klesner. | ||
| Tell me about Nancy a lot. | ||
| She was a large woman. | ||
| She, um, I don't know, when you're a kid, I don't think you really know how old people are, but she was probably mid to late 40s at the time. | ||
| She's probably buried right next to John Candy. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| When she's a fat fuck. | ||
| In the casket, they put a suitcase full of snacks with her. | ||
| Extra support. | ||
| But she, you know, yeah, it's like, but, okay, so she tells that to me. | ||
| Who else did she tell that to? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's horrible. | |
| You know, and it's like, I... I thankfully kind of figured it out on my own, but how many people don't really figure it out that they just take that advice and go, oh shit, well I guess I should go learn to be a mechanic. | ||
| Look, the world needs mechanics. | ||
| I get that. | ||
| But you can't just tell someone that's their lot in life because they're too stupid or something. | ||
| I mean, there's some mechanics that are very brilliant. | ||
| I'm sure there's some stupid ones too. | ||
| Yeah, and there's some mechanics that wanted to be mechanics because they love cars. | ||
| They enjoy it. | ||
| They get the thrill out of revving engines and figuring out how to make things run better and figuring out how to connect parts. | ||
| I like working on cars, but I don't want to do that for a living. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Right. | ||
| This is the idea that this woman can do that to you. | ||
| It's so disappointing that that person, if that was my fucking kid, I would scream at that lady. | ||
| If you came home and, you know, you told me that some lady told you you were too stupid to go to college and you had to be a mechanic or a fucking soldier, I would scream at that lady. | ||
| I would want her fired. | ||
| I'm like, you fucking monster. | ||
| Like, you know, you're planting seeds in these kids. | ||
| You're telling a child they're too dumb. | ||
| How smart are you that you got fat and you're working as a guidance counselor? | ||
| You fucking dumbass. | ||
| You ain't thinking shit through. | ||
| I know if I came home and told my dad that, you know, I didn't, but I know if I did, he probably just would have been, well, what branch do you want to go into? | ||
| Like, that would have been his response, you know? | ||
| That's probably why I didn't say anything. | ||
| Yeah, my stepfathers thought for sure I was going to be like a fucking construction worker or something. | ||
| They didn't have a lot of faith in me. | ||
| But when you're coming home with all shit grades, they knew I was good at drawing. | ||
| So like there's thoughts that I would be an artist. | ||
| But then when I wasn't even into art, and once I started to get into martial arts, I wasn't even into art anymore. | ||
| So there's this transitionary period between the age of 15 to like 17 where there wasn't a lot of shit going on in my life where they were really worried about me. | ||
| Then I started winning all these Taekwondo tournaments and they were like, okay, he's doing something good. | ||
| But even then they were worried about that and it was totally discouraging. | ||
| They never saw me fight once. | ||
| I probably fought. | ||
| I probably had a hundred amateur fights and my parents never saw one of them. | ||
| Not one. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm surprised you got out of the art because you were so good at it at such a young age. | ||
| I mean, like, way better than most people. | ||
| Well, I told you what happened. | ||
| I had a really shitty art teacher in high school. | ||
| An asshole. | ||
| He was just a really angry, bitter guy. | ||
| He was just this pot-bellied dummy that had given up on life. | ||
| He was just, this is this guy. | ||
| This is my impression of my art teacher in high school. | ||
| That's how he was. | ||
| That was his energy. | ||
| And he didn't like me. | ||
| He didn't like me because I had a lot of energy. | ||
| I was dynamic. | ||
| I wanted to just fucking run through walls. | ||
| I mean, I was wired when I was a kid. | ||
| And everything I would draw was like dragons eating villages, and it was all like fucking people running for their lives, getting hacked to death by swords. | ||
| I was an angry kid, and I drew a lot of crazy shit. | ||
| Werewolves tearing apart ribcages. | ||
| That was what I drew. | ||
| That's what interested you. | ||
| He's like, you've got to stop doing that. | ||
| But that's what I like. | ||
| I like that kind of stuff. | ||
| I remember him saying this to me. | ||
| Well, if you get a job as an illustrator, you're going to perhaps have to draw something that you don't enjoy drawing. | ||
| Like, maybe you'll have to do a diaper ad. | ||
| Okay? | ||
| So you're going to have to learn that. | ||
| I remember... | ||
| I'm out. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| I'm not doing diaper ads. | ||
| And so I stopped drawing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| I remember this guy was just so negative and influential because enthusiasm is very influential, but negativity is also influential. | ||
| And I was connecting this world of failure to this guy's path. | ||
| And I was like, well, I don't want to be an art teacher like this fucking shithead, just working with a bunch of people and squashing their dreams. | ||
| Because it wasn't like I wasn't talented. | ||
| Like, I still have those images. | ||
| And I've put some of them up on Instagram. | ||
| This is the shit I drew in 1983. I was in high school. | ||
| I have some of these pictures. | ||
| So I know I was talented. | ||
| And this guy just was a douchebag. | ||
| And he just gave me negative energy. | ||
| And so I was very insecure and very young and just dumb. | ||
| And I just stayed away. | ||
| I didn't even take art my senior year in high school. | ||
| And that was my whole path. | ||
| My whole path in life was I was going to be a comic book illustrator. | ||
| I was going to be like those guys that did the X-Men or the Incredible Hulk. | ||
| That was my idea. | ||
| I could do that. | ||
| And I really could have done it, but I was just so turned off by shitty teachers. | ||
| You can't squash kids. | ||
| It's terrible. | ||
| You can't do it. | ||
| It's the worst thing ever, man. | ||
| And it's so common. | ||
| It's so common. | ||
| Happens all the time. | ||
| Ari Shaffir has a joke about it. | ||
| It's one of his new bits about Notorious B.I.G. When Biggie was young, he had this rap, to all the teachers who told me I ain't gonna grow up to be shit. | ||
| I don't want to say anymore because it's a really funny joke and I don't want to give any of the joke away, but he has this whole bit about these teachers telling him that he wasn't gonna be shit, that Notorious B.I.G. wasn't gonna be shit. | ||
| Imagine. | ||
| It's ridiculous, man. | ||
| It's fucking common, man, because people don't have vision, and they don't have... | ||
| How could we have known Josh McDermott on that one day in Phoenix that you would grow up to be the man who's on my favorite show? | ||
| My second favorite show, I'm going to be honest with you. | ||
| Game of Thrones is number one. | ||
| But you guys are so strong. | ||
| It's like one A and one B. It's like right up there. | ||
| Hey man, I've talked to a couple of their actors and they're fans of our show just as much as we're fans of theirs. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well, that's nice. | |
| Good for you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's okay. | |
| It's okay, man. | ||
| Look, you're on one of the best shows ever. | ||
| In my opinion, if there's a top ten of my favorite shows of all time, you're on it. | ||
| Who could have ever predicted that? | ||
| Top five. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| What do you got? | ||
| Top five. | ||
| Sopranos. | ||
| I'm not going to make you name ten. | ||
| Sopranos. | ||
| Game of Thrones. | ||
| Walking Dead. | ||
| Dexter First Season. | ||
|
unidentified
|
South Park. | |
| South Park, always. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What else? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hmm. | |
| I'd have to go back. | ||
| That was five. | ||
| Yeah, that was five. | ||
| I'd have to go back through my entire viewing history and think shit. | ||
| Oh, Homeland is pretty goddamn good. | ||
| Even that show took a... | ||
| Dip. | ||
| I think you took a dip? | ||
| I don't remember. | ||
| I don't know what season we're in now. | ||
| I watched it all on Amazon, so I don't know. | ||
| I didn't watch the last season. | ||
| The last season's not as good? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I'm not current. | ||
| How dare you flip-flopper? | ||
| I've watched like two or three seasons, but I feel like... | ||
| Like, part of the second season, I'm going like, I don't care what's going on. | ||
| Like, I care about Saul. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But I don't care about Carrie and Brody. | ||
| I bet she fucks like a wild animal. | ||
| Those crazy ones. | ||
| You know? | ||
| The crazy ones, they know how to throw. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They trick you. | ||
| That's a good show, though. | ||
| It's not as good as Walking Dead. | ||
| And it's definitely not as good... | ||
| Well, it's great in moments. | ||
| In moments, it's fantastic. | ||
| But I call shows, man. | ||
| It's fucking hard. | ||
| Keeping a show so solid... | ||
| Episode after episode, season after season, it's got to be one of the most difficult things to do. | ||
| It's tough. | ||
| Like Lost. | ||
| I remember the last season of Lost, I was totally done. | ||
| I was so done, I didn't even watch the final episode. | ||
| I was like, fuck you. | ||
| I checked out. | ||
| I was angry at it. | ||
| That's what I did with Dexter. | ||
| The last episode, I didn't watch until recently. | ||
| I watched the whole series and didn't watch the last episode. | ||
| I heard it was so bad. | ||
| It ended better than you would imagine. | ||
| But Lost, if you really re-watch Lost and pay attention to what you know you're supposed to pay attention to, it really changes the show. | ||
| It really makes it a lot better. | ||
| Yeah, that kind of makes sense. | ||
| I just read something online about one of the writers was at a dinner party and they were talking to him about all the crazy shit that was inserted into the show, the polar bears or whatever. | ||
| There's so many things that didn't tie up. | ||
| At the end, and he said, yeah, we never had any intention of justifying it. | ||
| It was just, we were literally throwing in whatever. | ||
| Just freaking me out. | ||
| Smoke monsters and shit. | ||
| I love that. | ||
| I absolutely love that. | ||
| There were some great moments in that show. | ||
| There were some great moments in that show, but it was rabidly inconsistent. | ||
| As was Dexter. | ||
| Like, Dexter first season. | ||
| You know when Dexter went downhill? | ||
| He went downhill when that dude stopped lifting weights. | ||
| Because the first season, he looked like a killer. | ||
| He looked like a guy who could grab people and strangle them and beat their asses and stab them. | ||
| And then he started getting, like, scrawny. | ||
| Was that because he had cancer, though? | ||
| Yeah, whatever. | ||
| Excuses, excuses. | ||
| You got a little leukemia? | ||
| Walk it off, pussy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't mean this, ladies and gentlemen. | |
| All right, we should probably wrap this bitch up. | ||
| I think we're out of time. | ||
| Josh motherfucking McDermott! | ||
| Dude, thanks for having me on. | ||
| Thanks for being on. | ||
| And don't quit comedy. | ||
| You're too fucking funny. | ||
| I'm not quitting. | ||
| I know, it's easy. | ||
| You got a nice cushy gig on The Walking Dead. | ||
| You got a show tonight? | ||
| Where can people see you? | ||
| I'm not promoting it, actually. | ||
| I don't know where it is. | ||
| It's in Long Beach. | ||
| Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Long Beach. | ||
| Just Google it. | ||
| You'll find them. | ||
| It's probably at the Laugh Factory in Long Beach. | ||
| Is that where it is? | ||
| It's not that. | ||
| It's like a one-night show. | ||
| Oh, some weirdo spot. | ||
| All right, my friend. | ||
| You can follow Josh. | ||
| I found it on RubMaps. | ||
| You can follow Josh on Twitter. | ||
| It is Josh McDermott. | ||
| D-E-R-M-I-T-T. Oh, yeah. | ||
| And do you have a website? | ||
| I do. | ||
| JoshMcDermott.com. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Shazam. | ||
| Instagram and Facebook. | ||
| It's all just Josh McDermott. | ||
| And watch him on the motherfucking Walking Dead. | ||
| Goddamn, son. | ||
| Congratulations. | ||
| Thanks, man. | ||
| It is really fucking cool to see you on TV. Thanks, dude. | ||
| I haven't separated you from the character, though. | ||
| I'm enjoying your character, which I thought was weird because I know you as a human being. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But, you know, I'm like, that's fucking Josh. | ||
| But it's alright. | ||
| It doesn't take away from the enjoyment at all. | ||
| I accept you as this wacky fake scientist dude, but I still know it's you. | ||
| It's awesome. | ||
| Brian, anything coming up? | ||
| Friday, Ice House. | ||
| Friday at the Ice House, you fucks. | ||
| Judah Freelander, I think, might be doing it. | ||
| Go there. | ||
| Be a part of that. | ||
| Get some. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nice. | |
| You savages. | ||
| Much love, my friends. | ||
| See you soon. | ||
| Bye. |
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