Oct. 10, 2014 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:59:23
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
| Hello, freaks. | ||
| This episode of the podcast is brought to you by Onnit. | ||
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| Rejoice, ladies and gentlemen, because Anthony Cumia has flown in the great metal tube from New York, and he's here. | ||
| Please, finally. | ||
| Cue the music. | ||
|
unidentified
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Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out. | |
| Pachelle, Rogan, experience. | ||
| Train my day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day. | ||
| Anthony! | ||
| He's here. | ||
| That's nice, man. | ||
| Dude, when you started doing your show in your basement while you were doing the Opie and Anthony show, and you set up a pro studio with a fucking green screen and real professional camera broadcast quality cameras, I was like, we need to fucking do something like that. | ||
| And that's when Brian and I started out with the Ustream show, directly influenced by not just you doing your show in Long Island, but also the style of show that you guys did on Opie and Anthony. | ||
| Yeah, which was just pretty much a hangout, you know, talking like real people talk, not professional broadcasters. | ||
|
unidentified
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Hey, so you're in town, you're telling those wacky jokes. | |
| What are you talking about lately? | ||
| That's what I wanted to do with Live from the Compound especially, is make it look as professional as possible, and then have people watch and go, why is this guy like, did he hijack a news set? | ||
| Because he's drinking, he's talking about, he's cursing, he's talking about shit that shouldn't be discussed. | ||
| And that's kind of why I wanted it to look so good. | ||
| I wanted it to look very professional, but be done very unprofessionally. | ||
| Well, it's unprofessional, but it is professional. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yes, exactly. | |
| But not in the sense of what we see every day on the news and that phoniness that you just see every day with those people that don't act like real people. | ||
| If something happens, a mistake or a blooper or someone yells fuck in the background of somebody doing a live shot, the anchor loses his mind like he just saw a murder. | ||
| They freak out. | ||
| So I just wanted to bring that look, that professional slick look, To me, who is just sitting there, like I said, drinking, probably hungover. | ||
| I made the show at 4pm Eastern Time just so I could sleep late. | ||
| I didn't even think, like, let me research and see what the best time to do a live show. | ||
| It's like, I could be up by 4pm. | ||
| So that was pretty much the criteria for that. | ||
| So it really is being able to do my own thing, which I hadn't been able to do for many years. | ||
| Well, when you were doing it also while you were doing ONA... Much to management's chagrin. | ||
| Yeah, they were telling you not to do it, right? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| They wanted exclusivity. | ||
| And I was like, this is completely different from what I'm doing on the O&A show. | ||
| It's video-based. | ||
| It's me alone in my house. | ||
| I'm not bouncing off of Opie and Jim. | ||
| I rarely have guests. | ||
| Well, the new show is a lot different than Live from the Compound, because I do have guests. | ||
| But back then, they were getting on me about exclusivity, and it's like, it's a completely different thing, and it's in my house! | ||
| I bought this shit! | ||
| Let me just have fun! | ||
| It's like a toy! | ||
| Well, that's all you were doing. | ||
| You had no agenda. | ||
| You were just having fun. | ||
| That was it. | ||
| I had no schedule, no anything. | ||
| I would just pop on whenever I wanted to. | ||
| I had people over the house singing karaoke. | ||
| With machine guns. | ||
| With machine guns. | ||
|
unidentified
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That was... | |
| Crazy gun guy karaoke and just anything. | ||
| But that is the freedom of being able to do whatever you want like that. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| When you're able to do stuff like that, you realize how tied up you were when you worked for the man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Do you ever see yourself going back to serious and doing something like that again? | ||
| Are you too free now? | ||
| It's, you know... | ||
| Once you let the dog out of the house, man, it's very hard to keep him in. | ||
| And I'm loving this. | ||
| It's so much freedom. | ||
| It's a lot of fun. | ||
| I'll be honest, the gig at Sirius was great. | ||
| It was four hours a day. | ||
| I made a boatload of money and sat there and joked around with the likes of Jim Norton and Opie and comics would just come through and it was fantastic. | ||
| It was a lot of fun. | ||
| But then there were those little instances where management would come in and fuck the whole fun up. | ||
| Just fuck it up. | ||
| And now to have the ability to just do anything, talk about anything, not have to go through all the logistical red tape bullshit with management. | ||
| Keith the Cop is my executive producer here. | ||
| He's never executive produced anything but probably bruises on perp's heads when he was a cop. | ||
| But... | ||
| With three emails, we set up a poker tournament over in Connecticut there. | ||
| Where is it? | ||
| Foxwoods or Mohegan? | ||
| Mohegan. | ||
| You always get them confused. | ||
| In no time. | ||
| And we had been trying to do this with SiriusXM for years. | ||
| Just let us get a poker tournament together. | ||
| Nothing. | ||
| Oh, this, that, we got to sell this. | ||
| This one, got to talk to that one. | ||
| And now it's just like, Keith, let's do a poker tournament. | ||
| Okay, I'll call the guy. | ||
| And boom, we're done. | ||
| We're set up. | ||
| I always feel like satellite radio is the bridge from terrestrial radio to the internet. | ||
| Very good. | ||
| That it's this bridge that allows people to see, oh, this is what it's like if you allow guys to come on and just swear and say whatever the fuck they want and talk the way they... | ||
| Like, what you guys did on ONA is you would talk the way you would talk if you were just hanging out. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And there was no other radio show that was doing that. | ||
| Every other radio show you would go on, the guy who was the host had a very clear agenda. | ||
| He was pushing the conversation. | ||
| You were being interviewed. | ||
| They would ask you probing questions, try to keep you on your heels, try to manipulate the conversation the way it went. | ||
| On ONA, you would ask questions if you were curious, and then we would all just hang out and talk. | ||
| Yeah, it was just more like friends hanging out. | ||
| And that's what, you know, especially with just a room full of guys, that's what we do. | ||
| We hang out. | ||
| We goof on each other. | ||
| We hope to get a great line in that makes the other guy look like an asshole. | ||
| And the person you're goofing on is laughing more than the people that are goofing on him. | ||
| That's what friends do. | ||
| That's how guys hang out. | ||
| And to have a show like that is a very rare thing. | ||
| And I think you're absolutely right about that bridge to the internet. | ||
| When I was on terrestrial radio early in my career, you looked at satellite radio like, what? | ||
| Who's listening to that? | ||
| Nobody. | ||
| It's the graveyard for radio. | ||
| And then we ended up there when we died in radio, the Sex for Sam thing. | ||
| And then went over to satellite, and it built. | ||
| You could feel it, like it was getting momentum. | ||
| People wanted this. | ||
| They wanted to hear people speak openly, honestly, and in real language. | ||
| But then that, again, got fucked by management and people that they're beholden to, that we couldn't speak about anything anymore. | ||
| Like, I like the idea of speaking about anything. | ||
| Anything. | ||
| And everything. | ||
| I think it's detrimental to not... | ||
| Be able to talk and to have people that want to shut other people up based on their ideology or Anything that they're saying. | ||
| If you want to take someone off the air or shut them up or fire them from their job, I think that's copping out and saying, look, I can't logically argue or intelligently argue, so I just want them quiet. | ||
| I want them silenced. | ||
| And don't they know that by hamstringing you, they fuck up their product and they open up the door to the internet? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, the internet's right there. | ||
| It's the wolf at the door. | ||
| It's right there. | ||
| It was just a matter of the technology catching up to the talent base out there. | ||
| When you're on regular radio, you're heard by anybody in their car that could just flip on the radio. | ||
| Satellite, you needed a subscription. | ||
| You needed the cars to have the radio in it. | ||
| And in time, that did build up. | ||
| And there are many satellite listeners. | ||
| The Internet had that problem with technology in that, you know, You had the product, you just couldn't get it out to everybody in every location that they were in. | ||
| But now cars are Wi-Fi enabled and people have their phones and they could download podcasts and web shows and play them in their car as they're going to work just like they would radio. | ||
| So yeah, it's right there. | ||
| They don't see the danger to their business and yet they keep making the same mistakes to push people away. | ||
| They're hamstringing themselves. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| And they're doing it because they want to save sponsors or they don't want people to protest or they want to save... | ||
| They're a publicly traded company so they have to worry about all that stupid shit. | ||
| It's this phony ethical vision that they want to have. | ||
| They think that people are looking at them in a certain way and they won't respect them if they don't react to... | ||
| People like me. | ||
| And there was really no outcry to have me booted from SiriusXM. | ||
| No one said anything. | ||
| They just went, well, we've got to get rid of them. | ||
| We have the preemptive strike. | ||
| He's saying racial things. | ||
| It's also a weird thing, being on a network, like a SiriusXM type thing, where you have all these channels that are like music and Christian radio, and it's like you're selling so much shit, and on top of that, you've got something like O&A. Which should really be its own individual entity, because it's so uniquely different from the rest of the things you're having. | ||
| You would think. | ||
| Like, if you're fucking going, like, let's see what's on SiriusXM, and you click in right when Jimmy Norton's doing Uncle Paul trying to defend the Seventh Heaven guy, did you fucking hear him yesterday? | ||
| That was hilarious. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Uncle Paul is Jimmy Norton's child molester character that he occasionally breaks out. | ||
| He's like, first of all, the guy wasn't doing nothing wrong. | ||
| It's an acting thing. | ||
| He was practicing for acting. | ||
| And he was doing something about having the kid lick the water off the tip of his dick like a gerbil. | ||
| You know how the gerbil has that thing? | ||
| And then he makes the sounds. | ||
| It was so awful. | ||
| And Opie was cringing and Norton was fucking... | ||
| His Uncle Paul was in full bloom yesterday. | ||
| It's despicable and hilarious. | ||
| Yeah, and if you were flipping through the channels, you had no idea. | ||
| And you just land, let's see what's on channel 103. Yeah, what is that? | ||
| How the fuck can you just get to that? | ||
| What are they thinking in the first place? | ||
| You guys should be a specifically different... | ||
| You should have been on the internet two or three years ago. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| That's a prime example for context, by the way. | ||
| Everyone is held to this standard now of the same... | ||
| Our language on Sirius XM Satellite Radio, what we used to say on the ONA show... | ||
| Was held in the same light as what an anchor man would say on the evening news. | ||
| Like, years ago you didn't see Walter Cronkite being held to the same standard as George Carlin, and vice versa. | ||
| Like, you knew the context of who was saying what. | ||
| Now, no matter what you say, in what context, it's just held to this generic standard of that's awful. | ||
| So you get somebody like Jimmy doing Uncle Paul, it's looked at like as if Tom Brokaw got on and started just saying that. | ||
| That's outrageous. | ||
| We've lost the ability to distinguish the differences in context nowadays. | ||
| And that's what's really fucking everything up, I think. | ||
| It's absolutely lost also when you take it out, you extract it, and you put it in quotes and put it on a blog. | ||
| It's going to look different than it was said. | ||
| It's going to look awful. | ||
| It looks terrible. | ||
| But a show like ONA, what it is is a haven for, like, fun. | ||
| It's like one of the few remaining havens where you can tune in and you can hear awful, ridiculous shit, and you can hear Jimmy defending a pedophile. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yes. | |
| And look, I have daughters, man, and I have little kids, and I thought it was fucking hilarious. | ||
|
unidentified
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It's hilarious. | |
| And I'm laughing because I know what it is. | ||
| He's being naughty. | ||
| He's being fun. | ||
|
unidentified
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Right. | |
| I think people don't want to know anything about context anymore because they don't want to believe that people can hang out in a room like that, talk about stuff like that in a funny way and laugh about it. | ||
| They don't want to think that people like that exist. | ||
| And they don't want you to be able to do that. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Because they want to change your way of talking and thinking. | ||
| And they want to mold you to their own social standards. | ||
| Thinking that everyone can be changed. | ||
| Like, we're all sick or something. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We're all ill if we laugh like that. | ||
| But there's hope for you. | ||
| If we just stop people from talking like that and stop airing them, then it'll all be nice. | ||
| And people won't speak like that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, the idea that if you stop Jimmy from making fun using the Uncle Paul character, You're somehow or another going to stop child molesting. | ||
| Yeah, you're going to stop that seven heaven guy. | ||
| No, he was full bore, balls out for fucking kids. | ||
|
unidentified
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Jesus. | |
| He even wrote books about it. | ||
| He wrote books about it? | ||
| He wrote two books that supposedly what started the whole thing is one of his victims read both of his books, and one of his books is about sleeping with a babysitter, or it had something to do with a younger kid. | ||
| It was a sitting baby, actually. | ||
|
unidentified
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What? | |
| Yeah, the babysitter is hot. | ||
| You know, you get a 19-year-old babysitter. | ||
| Who didn't have fantasies about that? | ||
| Yeah, that's a genre. | ||
| Isn't it? | ||
| It certainly is. | ||
| But he's a fucking real pig, this guy. | ||
| A real piece of shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Unbelievable. | ||
| He's one of those guys, too, that you never really would have thought it. | ||
| No way! | ||
| You watch that Seventh Heaven show, and oh boy. | ||
| It's fascinating, too, that he admitted to it all in therapy with his wife. | ||
| Who does that? | ||
|
unidentified
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A guy who really wants a divorce bad. | |
| You know, you just do this, we'll get you out of the marriage, but you gotta kinda do this confession thing, your wife is demanding it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then it's like, uh, was this recorded? | ||
| Well, she apparently recorded it without his knowledge, right? | ||
| Is that what happened? | ||
| No, I think what happened is that one of the victims contacted the wife. | ||
| The wife then tried to figure out what was going on, and they signed all these papers about the whole thing. | ||
| Deposition? | ||
| Is that what it's called? | ||
| And then they recorded it with him knowing. | ||
| I think it was like... | ||
| I don't think he knew that it was being recorded. | ||
| I think his wife recorded it because that was part of the premise was that it's legal for her to record it because he was involved in committing what they consider a violent crime. | ||
| But that's what also I feel is weird. | ||
| The use of the term violence. | ||
| It's obviously a heinous crime. | ||
| He took a little kid's hand and put it on his dick. | ||
| That's a crime. | ||
| But how's that violent? | ||
| Like, what made it... | ||
| Isn't violent... | ||
| Is there an alternate definition of violence that it can be mental, or does it have to be a physical assault on you? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Here's what's interesting, because the word assault, that's another one that's getting thrown around a lot in really weird ways. | ||
| Like, sexual assault. | ||
| Like, one of the things that's coming up now, like, California just passed this new law called Yes Means Yes, where you have to get actual verbal consent from someone before you have sex with them. | ||
| Can we just get back to fucking... | ||
| No, because the thing that they're trying to push, and this is a feminine agenda in 2014, is that if you have sex with someone who's been drinking, it's sexual assault. | ||
| They want to say that... | ||
| Well, a guy got kicked out of Occidental College because him and a girl had sex. | ||
| We had Thaddeus Russell on as a professor there. | ||
| And he was going, it drives him fucking crazy, but a guy and a girl, young, 18-year-old freshman, they both were drunk, they both were texting each other back and forth. | ||
|
unidentified
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Of course they were. | |
| The guy was like, get over here. | ||
| The girl's like, do you have a condom? | ||
| She said, do you have a condom? | ||
| He said, yes. | ||
| She said, I'm on my way. | ||
| She texted her friend, I'm going to go have sex now, went to the guy's house drunk, had sex with them, they were both drunk, and he got accused of sexual assault, and he got kicked out of the college. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| Despite all the evidence, despite the text messages, she didn't get kicked out, she didn't get expelled. | ||
|
unidentified
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Uh-huh. | |
| He did, because he's the one with the penis. | ||
| Because it's sexual assault because she's been drunk. | ||
| And it does seem like if she was with it enough to say, hey, you got a condom, and text her friend, that she knew what was going on. | ||
| Well, it's also absolving someone of responsibility because they're drunk in only a sexual context. | ||
| You don't do it driving. | ||
| You don't do it. | ||
| She went out with a baseball bat and just started fucking braining people. | ||
| And was like, look, I'm not responsible. | ||
| I was drunk. | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| Yeah, why is it in that case she's not responsible for it? | ||
| Well, it's because feminists are pushing this. | ||
| They're trying to demasculate men. | ||
| They're trying to take away masculine behavior. | ||
| And masculine behavior is seeking sex. | ||
| That's one thing. | ||
| So they're trying to say that seeking sex while the woman's intoxicated, even if the man is intoxicated as well, that the man is being sexually assault, sexually aggressive, and is committing sexually assault. | ||
| That is spectacular. | ||
| Committing sexual assault because you're drunk. | ||
| How is it assault? | ||
| Yeah, how is it assault, by the way? | ||
| It's sex. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Yeah, if it was... | ||
| I don't even know. | ||
| It's so confusing now. | ||
| What happened to drunk fucking? | ||
| Everyone drunk fucks. | ||
| It's excellent. | ||
| You've got to have a little bit at least to loosen up, first of all. | ||
| It's fun. | ||
| Get those inhibitions to kind of slither away. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Now you're having fun. | ||
| But this idea is that those inhibitions are there for a reason, Anthony, and that sex is bad. | ||
| Well, so are the male fucking I-want-to-fuck instincts. | ||
| Those have been there for fucking... | ||
| since we've been on the earth. | ||
| How are those denied now? | ||
| I love when people try to deny the fact that we still have so many animalistic tendencies... | ||
| They get covered up by a suit or the ability to use an iPhone and shit like that. | ||
| But the fact is, guys love to fuck. | ||
| And they will do things that sometimes aren't the most honest things to get laid. | ||
| And this is just the way it is, and there's no changing that. | ||
| It's just the way it is. | ||
| That's another thing that they're trying to push, is the ability to withdraw consent after the fact if you feel you were tricked. | ||
| So you can say yes, have sex with someone, and he's like, guess what, I didn't love you! | ||
| And he leaves, and that's rape. | ||
| And now it becomes rape. | ||
| It becomes rape. | ||
| After the fact rape. | ||
| Ex post facto. | ||
| New rape is what I like to call it. | ||
| New rape. | ||
| New definitions. | ||
| It's astounding what's going on in this society. | ||
| Have we always been just on the precipice of society failing? | ||
| Or is it worse now? | ||
| Because you hear shit from years ago and it's like, that sounds pretty familiar. | ||
| I think we were always fucked. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But we're here, and now, so we see it as the most important fuck that we're getting. | ||
| You know, Grandpa's fucking was probably just as bad. | ||
| Yeah, everybody's always been fucked, and everybody's always been thinking that society's failing. | ||
| Like, I was listening to this Hunter S. Thompson documentary recently, and he was talking about the state of America in 1970-whatever, and it was all falling apart. | ||
| And I was like, huh, here we are, 40 years later, it's okay. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, we're always on the brink of just complete disaster. | ||
| And I think people like to think that we are. | ||
| I honestly feel that just based on your own mortality, I think people like to think that they're going to be the last of it. | ||
| You know, like, if I'm dead, I don't want this carrying on without me. | ||
| So if there's a cataclysmic event, then everyone goes. | ||
| And I could be happy by, you know, I'm checking out too. | ||
| That's like part of the zombie apocalypse fantasy too, right? | ||
| Yes, exactly. | ||
| We all want to be part of that. | ||
| Yeah, Mad Max style. | ||
| It's all over. | ||
| The second you drop dead, someone's alarm goes off and they go to work the next day and the fucking earth spins round and round. | ||
| But everyone wants to think like, we're on the brink. | ||
| Oh, society, America's gone. | ||
| Just look at it now compared to years ago. | ||
| And it's like, no. | ||
| No, I think 200 years from now, someone's going to be going, ah, fucking crazy. | ||
| And we should still have flying cars by now, right? | ||
| You don't want to be the guy that's on his deathbed watching CNN, and they're like, utopia has been achieved. | ||
| Long life is forever. | ||
| Everyone's dick will now grow six inches. | ||
| We're all billionaires. | ||
| Congratulations. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What the fuck happened? | |
| 3D printers have come up. | ||
| You can make your own house, whatever shape you want. | ||
| Material is free. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Everything's free. | ||
| The internet has made everything free. | ||
| You just download the specs to whatever device you want and now objects, materialism means nothing now because you can have whatever you want whenever you want it. | ||
| And there you are fucking checking out. | ||
| And you're rotten. | ||
| Your fucking liver spots on your hands are blowing up. | ||
| Shit! | ||
| I missed the boat! | ||
| What happened? | ||
| I missed the boat! | ||
| But there's also like 40 years in the context of Hunter S. Thompson in 1974 compared to where we are today is nothing if you go back to like Rome. | ||
| Like if you went back to ancient Rome and any 40 year period they were like ah this will always be here. | ||
| No. | ||
| I know and that's what people bring up also. | ||
| They always bring up that Roman Empire, you know? | ||
| It's like, well, that fell, and that was a pretty strong and long-lasting, and everyone, yeah, I see it happening, though, now. | ||
| But that's just the thing. | ||
| When they bring it up, they think that now is the fall part of the American Empire. | ||
| Well, they see Rome, like, when Rome fell, remember when we were kids, we'd hear about it, it was always, like, the excess, the vomitoriums. | ||
| Right, the orgies. | ||
| You know a vomitorium is just, like, a way to get out of the arena? | ||
| Like, a vomitorium is not a place where they would go and vomit. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, it was a pathway that the entire crowd would go out of the arena. | ||
| It had nothing to do with vomit. | ||
| Because it's like, it's spelling the people, it's kind of, oh, that makes sense. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But it sounded funny as a kid to just say, like, vomitorium. | ||
| Yeah, well, that's what we used to think, that it was like some place where they would all get together and fucking throw up and then have orgies and shit. | ||
| It was just that whole concept of, yeah, binging and just eating everything. | ||
| That's a vomitorium. | ||
| Oh, there you go. | ||
| That looks fine. | ||
| It's just a passage. | ||
| That doesn't look bad. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's a passage situated below or behind a tier of seats in an amphitheater or stadium to which big crowds can exit rapidly at the end of a performance. | ||
| So when the lion kills the dude, and then everybody wants to get the fuck out of there before it leaps in the stand and starts fucking up the Romans, it would go through the vomitorium. | ||
| Right after you hear, are you not entertained? | ||
| Well, they would, you know, we would always hear about the vomitorians where they get was bullshit, but then we'd also hear about the Christians versus the lions, all the crazy shit they would do, and have people fight to the death in front of everyone, and the fucking thumbs down if you wanted them dead. | ||
| Thumbs down, thumbs up, yeah, yeah. | ||
| But that was society falling apart, and you compare it to today with our fucking drones and war and the UFC and all this chaos and fear factor. | ||
| I'm a part of a lot of things that are- We really are. | ||
| The downfall of America. | ||
| Of society in general. | ||
| But that's what we would think of, like, oh, this is a sure sign. | ||
| It's fucking over. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| That's how people think, because they want it to be over, in a weird way, because of your own mortality. | ||
| If people lived forever, you would never want it to be over. | ||
| It's like, this is great! | ||
| They'll change it into something else cool, baby, over time, but I don't want it to be over. | ||
| But since you are a mortal being, and you have a lifespan, you just want to be like, yeah, no, I go, everyone goes! | ||
| Everyone! | ||
| Yeah, it's like the ultimate, like, flip the board game over if you can't win. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes! | |
| I'm dying! | ||
| Yeah, like someone with terminal cancer that fucking takes a machine gun and heads it to the mall. | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| Just open it up. | ||
| And that's another thing. | ||
| People have these ideas of what they would do in certain situations. | ||
| Well, no, if I found out I had cancer and stuff, I'd fucking get a gun. | ||
| I'd head over to Syria and start shooting ISIS people. | ||
| No, you'd be in the hospital with no hair, on chemo, fucking... | ||
| Getting pity from your family. | ||
| Everyone has this idea, this notion about themselves that are very rarely accurate. | ||
| Yeah, it's all based on books and movies. | ||
| It's all based on romantic depictions of what you would do in those scenarios because it makes for a fun read. | ||
| Right, yeah, yeah. | ||
| And honestly, we're very rarely that. | ||
| Well, I think there's a beautiful thing about being influenced by movies and books and songs in that they provide us with entertainment and inspiration, but they also really distort the shit out of realistic scenarios. | ||
| But I think you're supposed to be able to distinguish between that. | ||
| Art is one thing and reality is another. | ||
| Art, I think, is based on reality. | ||
| But it influences reality so much. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Especially with women. | ||
| How many women have these, especially young women, that have these distorted perceptions of Channing Tatum movies? | ||
| Channing Tatum, that's how men behave, and this is reality. | ||
| It's going to happen to me. | ||
| I'm just going to find my prince. | ||
| Yeah, it's just not the way. | ||
| Just a bunch of dudes who want to come in you. | ||
| And so it really is out there. | ||
| They're just lying. | ||
| And both sides. | ||
| The aggressive male side and the men who are pretending they're not like all the other men because they want to come in you too. | ||
| And that's the only way they can go about getting in there. | ||
| Is being unique? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Or just being like on your side. | ||
| Men are shit. | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| I'm horrified to be a man. | ||
| Men are shit. | ||
| I'm different. | ||
| You see that on Twitter in its most archaic form, which is the White Knight. | ||
| I fucking love the White Knight. | ||
| I don't think I really verbally go, ugh, when reading anything else but White Knights on Twitter. | ||
| When you bash somebody who's a girl, and you call her out on something, and then some guy swoops in, don't take that, you're beautiful, you're a beautiful person, and this, and... | ||
| First of all, you just want to fuck her. | ||
| You want to do the same thing the guy that's fucking bashing her wants to do. | ||
| He's just taking a different angle. | ||
| And you swoop in, and what is their mindset? | ||
| Oh, DM me. | ||
| You're a good man. | ||
| They just want love. | ||
| Love. | ||
| They just want love. | ||
| It's not going to get their way. | ||
| They just want love. | ||
| It just doesn't happen. | ||
| I've given up on the concept of love. | ||
| I honestly don't think it really exists. | ||
| And this is something a lot of people have called me on. | ||
| I think love is a cross between lust and an obsession. | ||
| Not really obsession. | ||
| I think maybe a fascination kind of a... | ||
| Just this quick thing that happens. | ||
| It doesn't last long. | ||
| It could last maybe a few years. | ||
| It could last quite a few years. | ||
| But it's still the same thing. | ||
| It's lust and this fascination with the person. | ||
| And that conjures up this mixture that seems like something that's love. | ||
| In the perfect scenario, you don't think that people can be in love? | ||
| No. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I honestly don't see... | |
| Two people. | ||
| I think honest love would be like, you just never argue. | ||
| You agree with everything. | ||
| There's never a snooty, snippy moment. | ||
| So it just doesn't exist. | ||
| And in time, it transfers into something more a habit-like. | ||
| A habitual thing. | ||
| The lust turns into habit. | ||
| And the fascination turns into comfort zone. | ||
| And then you're just together. | ||
| And you continue to be together. | ||
| And you don't even know about love anymore. | ||
| You're not coming home every day. | ||
| You're not at the office going... | ||
| Fuck, I want to be with her. | ||
| God. | ||
| When you first get together, you're like, I can't even work. | ||
| I love this girl. | ||
| I want to be with her. | ||
| I want to fucking smell her hair and kiss her and hug her. | ||
| And then you've got to leave. | ||
| You're going to the store for ten minutes. | ||
| Sweetie, oh, I love you. | ||
| I wish I had enough to go. | ||
| Come with me. | ||
| Come to the store. | ||
| It's just fucking crazy. | ||
| Twenty years of marriage and you're still doing that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bullshit. | |
| And you still love the person? | ||
| No. | ||
| You're now in a habitual relationship. | ||
| I honestly believe this. | ||
| He is fucking pissed all over everybody's parade. | ||
| There's a bunch of people at work right now listening to this going like this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hmm. | |
| Hmm. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| Am I in love? | ||
| Well, you definitely don't get the newness. | ||
| But you can still have a great relationship. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| It's not love? | ||
| But the falling in love part is the newness. | ||
| Well, you know what the newness is? | ||
| The newness is a hormonal rush to make babies, and you're supposed to fuck during that time. | ||
| Again, biological, yes. | ||
| Yeah, that's why relationships, most relationships peter out around three months in. | ||
| That's when the woman hits her first trimester. | ||
| She's already supposed to be pregnant, and you're supposed to be out of there. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And banging a new one. | ||
| Why? | ||
| Because people were getting eaten by jaguars on a daily basis, and you had to fuck as many people as you possibly could in order to ensure that the species survived. | ||
| Right. | ||
| The problem is our high mortality rate, when human beings were in their infancy, our high mortality rate led to very specific types of behaviors that are ingrained in our genetics. | ||
| And those specific types of behaviors are frowned upon by feminists now. | ||
| The very thing that got us to 2014, they're trying to curb back. | ||
| This deceptive behavior in order to try to get laid. | ||
| Any type of sex other than the sex that they feel comfortable with. | ||
| I'm happy that this happened. | ||
| If the man's happy, yeah, fuck you on your left. | ||
| Pig! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Rape! | |
| It's anything that's not along the lines of their ideal is rape. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| And like you said, it's just biological for the preservation of humanity early on. | ||
| That's how we needed to act. | ||
| Here's where it gets more fascinating. | ||
| The women who are trying to tighten this down as much as possible, no one wants to fuck. | ||
| At the very top of the fucking machine, the very top of the machine is run by troll ladies. | ||
| Troll ladies. | ||
| They're troll ladies. | ||
| They're not really sexy, attractive objects of desire. | ||
| I think when they speak about how can a man dictate what happens to our bodies kind of a thing, it's the same thing as how can you dictate what happens to a pretty girl. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, you're not a pretty girl, so you don't understand what it's like to be that and to be able to, you know, manipulate men in such a fashion. | ||
| So she should probably, the troll ladies, should probably steer clear of what they think attractive men and women should do. | ||
| And what I find amazing... | ||
| The social justice warrior people, one of the things that they love is when transgender people go way overboard and become very overtly feminine. | ||
| Like high heels and a lot of makeup. | ||
| You go, girl. | ||
| But if a woman does that, if a woman does that, she's playing into the gender stereotypes. | ||
| That is brilliant. | ||
| Yes! | ||
| There's so many hypocrisies like that. | ||
| Oh, that's a big one. | ||
| But that is a giant one. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, that's great. | ||
| Woo, look at you! | ||
| You go, girl. | ||
| She, excuse me, it's beautiful. | ||
| Did you say he, you fucking asshole? | ||
| I'm trying to be gender neutral. | ||
| You better not be. | ||
| You know, I don't want people to be gender binary. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I like queer, because queer is whatever. | ||
| It's everything. | ||
| Be everything. | ||
| It's all queer. | ||
| Well, I like when I see an application for something, and it says gender, and it says male, female, both, neither. | ||
| Those are good. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That would be nice. | |
| Neither? | ||
| Neither. | ||
| Really? | ||
| I mean... | ||
| It should just say chromosome. | ||
| Can we get it down? | ||
| An X and a Y. What is it? | ||
| Do you have a Y in there? | ||
| Okay, you're a dude. | ||
| Next. | ||
| No, I'm not a dude! | ||
| I'm a fucking woman, you piece of shit! | ||
| I bet you we can tell. | ||
| Not anymore. | ||
| They're pretty good at it. | ||
| They're fucking... | ||
| I don't know if they're good at it. | ||
| There are. | ||
| I'm not sure. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I definitely don't know. | ||
| But, I mean, have you seen a photo? | ||
| Of a really good one? | ||
| Of a really good operation. | ||
| It's in the wrong spot, though, right? | ||
| It's in the wrong spot. | ||
| Well, when you look, the vaginal canal is a little more upward, and when you have to turn a penis inside out to make a vagina, you see where the penis comes from. | ||
| Actually, the transsexual vagina is exactly where you thought it was before you saw a girl naked. | ||
|
unidentified
|
LAUGHTER That's true, right? | |
| Yeah, because I remember the first few times you're trying to get down a girl's pants and you're like, I am so far below the belly button now, where is it? | ||
| This is like, gotta be here. | ||
| Oh, what a great adventure that was. | ||
| I remember my friend Pauly Hudson. | ||
| He was the first one to tell me that you had sex. | ||
| You went up inside a girl. | ||
| I was like, what? | ||
| I thought you just went straight. | ||
| Straight in. | ||
| Yeah, that's what I thought. | ||
| I was like, you go up? | ||
| He goes, you never even had sex. | ||
| I was like, yeah. | ||
| You're fucking 12, dude. | ||
| I don't know what happens. | ||
| You think back at some of the misconceptions you had in your youth about sex, and it really is hilarious. | ||
| I was under the impression that you needed what was called at the time a scumbag, which was a condom, a rubber. | ||
| They used to call that a condom? | ||
| Yeah, that's where a scumbag comes from. | ||
| Yeah, a condom was a scumbag back in the old days. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And this was when I was a kid, so I never used that term, but I heard my parents say that, my dad's friends. | ||
| You know, yeah, I didn't have a scumbag last night, so I fucking shit like that. | ||
| I know, it's hilarious. | ||
| So I thought you needed one to get a girl pregnant. | ||
| I thought the shit that was on it got the girl pregnant. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| And I thought you had a fucker in the ass. | ||
| Like, I didn't know that there was a vagina. | ||
| I just thought, you know, there was an ass. | ||
| So you fuck her in the ass with a condom and she has a kid. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Holy shit, were you off. | ||
| But the fucked up thing is, now I fuck girls don't want to have a kid, so I don't wear a condom and I fuck them in the pussy. | ||
| So it did have some kind of an influence on my future... | ||
| When I was in high school, and I don't remember where I learned this or if it was taught in class, but I specifically remember something where it was like a real source where they were saying that in order for a woman to get pregnant, that she has to have an orgasm. | ||
| Because when a woman has an orgasm, it opens up the canal and the eggs get through. | ||
| I remember this being some just ridiculously ignorant shit that I was taught. | ||
| Yeah, that is. | ||
| I would think maybe because of the moisture, you know, it gives a little more... | ||
| Fluid for the sperm cells to swim up. | ||
| It was like a door was opening. | ||
| They were explaining it like a door was opening. | ||
| This is like 1980s healthcare shit. | ||
| I don't know if they didn't know back then. | ||
| It was an older, even textbook where they were just ridiculous. | ||
| That sounds like something you'd tell a girl so you could come in there. | ||
| Look, I won't give you an orgasm. | ||
| You'll be fine. | ||
| As long as I don't make you cum, we're not making any babies. | ||
| And then after I cum, I'll make you cum. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Pfff! | |
| Yeah, there's nothing better than that. | ||
| Well, as long as you do that, and you're a rapist. | ||
| Because then the woman can say, I'm withdrawing consent because he tricked me. | ||
| He said I was going to get to come after the fact. | ||
| Now I want to put him in jail. | ||
| You can't withdraw consent. | ||
| That's something that can't be done. | ||
| You consented, and it happened. | ||
| Nope. | ||
| Not anymore. | ||
| The rules have changed. | ||
| The rules have changed. | ||
| Male feminists have stepped in. | ||
| They're supporting this as well. | ||
| It's fucking dangerous. | ||
| Very dangerous. | ||
| It's dangerous because people are actually... | ||
| It's affecting people's lives. | ||
| They're going to jail. | ||
| Like this kid that got expelled from Occidental College. | ||
| Meanwhile, the girl didn't. | ||
| I mean, that's sexist. | ||
| That is sexist. | ||
| That is absolutely sexist. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| It's confusing. | ||
| I saw the best white knight tweet once. | ||
| A guy said, I'm going to stop calling myself a feminist because it's up to women to decide whether or not I do feminism correctly. | ||
| He tweeted it. | ||
| He tweeted it. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| I'm putting it all out there, girls. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah. | |
| Somebody should just come over his head and beat him to death with a brick. | ||
| Just kick in his front door and just smash him. | ||
| You're fucking up everything with your nonsense. | ||
| You're stretching the curve out way past the boundaries of reality. | ||
| You are out. | ||
| You fringe fuck. | ||
| You fucking weirdo. | ||
| Do you think with that first blow to his head, he'd know exactly why you were there? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| He'd be like, fuck my tweets. | ||
| I was just trying to make the block, man! | ||
| You didn't have to say a word. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He'd just raise that block and go, no, I'm trying to get laid! | |
| He'd know. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Because he can't possibly have said anything more stupid than that. | |
| What's with these people? | ||
| I read it over and over and over again. | ||
| Just like this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No! | |
| It would be a great, ironic website if you were joking around. | ||
| If you were a guy that was pretending to be a male feminist, you were saying these really preposterous things like that. | ||
| Dude, you see my website? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's fucking hilarious. | |
| Check it out. | ||
| Just subtle enough. | ||
| You sound like a faggot! | ||
| Kirsten's genius, then. | ||
| Just subtle enough to troll your way into it. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| It really is amazing how easily people are bamboozled online. | ||
| And we didn't know this. | ||
| We didn't have a good bead on the masses before the internet. | ||
| We knew our friends, but they were pretty much like us because that's how they become your friends. | ||
| We didn't really know just anonymous people. | ||
| We knew movie stars and TV stars and our friends. | ||
| And that was pretty much it. | ||
| Strangers you'd see in the store, you might look and go, what an asshole. | ||
| And you'd never realize how many assholes are out there until you got to see. | ||
| Everyone now has a voice and their pictures, their families, how they live their lives, what they believe in, what they like, what they hate. | ||
| And it really does open everybody up to see this world of... | ||
| Weirdos and strange people. | ||
| But then we're weird to them. | ||
| You know, I understand that part. | ||
| We're not these perfect beings looking going, look at this asshole, Joe. | ||
| Check this idiot out. | ||
| Everyone's weird. | ||
| Yeah, but to be able to see now what a lot of other people are thinking and how they believe things and how they get tricked so easily, how they believe false news and blogs that just... | ||
| Like, they'll read a blog and believe it. | ||
| Or The Onion. | ||
| An article from The Onion, which is hysterical. | ||
| It's a parody site. | ||
| And I have gotten links. | ||
| Anthony, check this out! | ||
| I know you'll be talking about this! | ||
| It's a joke! | ||
| It's worse than The Onion because there's new ones that aren't even funny, that just make shit up. | ||
| That makes shit up. | ||
| You go to the website, it'll say it's a parody site. | ||
| And there's a bunch of them. | ||
| They're not even remotely funny. | ||
| They're just bullshit. | ||
| They're just bullshit. | ||
| My fucking sister calls me up and says, did you kill a mountain lion with a belt? | ||
| I heard that one. | ||
| That was great. | ||
| You should have actually said you did. | ||
| That's pretty manly right there. | ||
| Imagine a fucking mountain lion. | ||
| I couldn't even kill a cat with a belt. | ||
| Try to get a fucking house cat. | ||
| Your cat Beavis, you have a big cat. | ||
| You have a serval, right? | ||
| It's a bengal. | ||
|
unidentified
|
A bengal? | |
| Like a serval? | ||
| Yeah, they're a little smaller than a serval. | ||
| Servals are fucking nuts. | ||
| You can't even really have one in a house. | ||
| They rip it apart. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| The people that own servals, they have those houses that you go into and you're like, oh yeah, okay, you really don't care about anything. | ||
| I understand. | ||
| You live in the mountains somewhere and stuff, and that's cool. | ||
| But no, it's a Bengal. | ||
| It's like, I think three generations removed from an Asian leopard and a tabby mix. | ||
| And then they breed them with tabbies, tabby, tabby, and then you get this leopard-spotted cool fucking cat. | ||
| What does he do, like, around your house? | ||
| He's a maniac. | ||
| He's fucking, like, really intense and just, like, I'll come down the stairs and I'll be pretty tired, pajama pants on and shit, and he'll fly out of the dining room and, with all of his weight, throw the side of his body against your calf. | ||
| And then grab your leg. | ||
| Like he's trying to throw you off balance and then grabs you and sinks his teeth into your fucking leg. | ||
| So he's trying to take you down. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes! | |
| He's constantly trying to take people down in the house. | ||
| There's a video of him, I guess. | ||
| Yeah, there's a little Beeb. | ||
| I guess he's outside there. | ||
| I let him out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Christmas tree. | |
| Oh, he's in the Christmas tree. | ||
| This is when he was a kitten. | ||
| When you let him out, what does he do? | ||
| He goes crazy. | ||
| He gets this low slink walk, and he's constantly looking around and shit. | ||
| It looks like a little wild animal. | ||
| It's cool as fuck. | ||
| Does he have balls? | ||
| No, I had to cut those fuckers right off. | ||
| I've read that it's just insane. | ||
| They'll just start fucking pissing it and just fuck everything and cum on shit. | ||
| He likes when girls have no shoes and socks on, bare feet, walking around the house, and he'll just attack. | ||
| And girls are hilarious because they just scream and run, and you run away from a cat. | ||
| They fucking love that! | ||
| And they're chasing him, and I'll just laugh, and girls running around the house getting... | ||
| How much does he weigh? | ||
| Like, full-grown? | ||
| Now? | ||
| Oh, God, I don't even know. | ||
| What the fuck would you say he weighs? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| What about 16 pounds? | ||
| That was a big fucking cat. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, he's pretty fucking big. | ||
| He's pretty cool, though, as far as a people cat goes. | ||
| You come up to anybody that comes to the door and lets you pet him and shit like that. | ||
| He fetches, honestly fetches, not even like, you know, oh, he'll sniff it or bring it somewhere. | ||
| He brings the thing right back to you, sits there and waits again for you to fucking throw it. | ||
| Brings it back. | ||
| I used to have a regular cat that did that. | ||
| It's pretty cool when a cat acts like that. | ||
| Oh, that's when he was a little guy. | ||
| He was trying to get my glasses off. | ||
| Oh, he's so cute. | ||
| And when I saw this video, I'm like, I will put this online and it will get a fuckload of hits. | ||
| And it did. | ||
| He's so adorable. | ||
| You can't beat a kitten taking your glasses off. | ||
| Have you thought about getting him a friend? | ||
| Well, I have a friend who has another Bengal named Freddy. | ||
| And she brings Freddy over the house and they brawl and shit. | ||
| Do they have fun or do they age? | ||
| They love fighting. | ||
| I have said, if you ever come to New York and come over the house, I would love for you to call one of their fights and I love that. | ||
| I just come downstairs. | ||
| I had this thing where I come downstairs because I hear you calling a fight. | ||
| And I come down and the cats are fighting on the floor and you're calling it. | ||
| And I just go, Joe, it's my house. | ||
| It's my cats. | ||
| What are you doing? | ||
| That would be awesome. | ||
| Because they brawl. | ||
| It's so fucking cool. | ||
| Yeah, there you go. | ||
| That's his little fetching. | ||
| A little fetch maneuver. | ||
| And then he comes right back. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| He comes right back. | ||
| Oh, he must be smart as shit, man. | ||
| Yeah, he's pretty cool. | ||
| And then he catches, too. | ||
| You're like, well, not that time. | ||
| Great. | ||
| But he's good. | ||
| Thanks, B, you fucker. | ||
| But that leopard spot pattern is really kind of... | ||
| That sold me on it. | ||
| What made you get him? | ||
| The leopard pattern. | ||
| Just the way it looked? | ||
| Yeah, I kind of... | ||
| I guess... | ||
| I guess being alone in a big house for that long, I needed something, since I don't believe in love. | ||
| So a cat, you dump some food in the little... | ||
| Oh, that was when... | ||
| See, you said he's smart. | ||
| Here he is with his head stuck in the trash can lid, and he thinks if he puts it back, he can fucking get back out of it. | ||
| So it is kind of smart. | ||
| It is smart. | ||
| That's Freddy, his little pal. | ||
| And then he... | ||
| He's frustrated. | ||
| Oh, he does not like that at all. | ||
| Did he figure out how to get it off or did you have to help him? | ||
| No, I took it off of him, the poor little guy. | ||
| I feel bad for him when he gets himself into dumb situations. | ||
| Or he'll jump up on the table that's been polished and shit and just fly right across it. | ||
| And without any of that cat grace that you've seen... | ||
| Hit the chair, fall down. | ||
| He's bouncing off of things like a pinball machine. | ||
| It's really funny, though, to watch. | ||
| I'm a lonely cat guy in my house, Joe. | ||
| That's where it's come to. | ||
| A lonely cat guy in Long Island. | ||
| That's pretty much it. | ||
| You know, I occasionally have some bitches over, though. | ||
| You know, you gotta... | ||
| With this whole I don't believe in love thing, I've had to convey to girls that do come over the house that I am not a boyfriend. | ||
| I'm not your boyfriend or anything. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How do you do that? | |
| It's a hard thing. | ||
| You tell them, I'm not your boyfriend. | ||
| I went through so many years, Joe, of being with girls much longer than I should have. | ||
| A couple weeks? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, I was one of those fucking years guys. | ||
| Like, I stayed in a marriage that I hated for nine fucking years. | ||
| Nine years. | ||
| And I think radio was part of it because I had gotten into radio halfway through the marriage. | ||
| So the second half, I didn't even pay attention to it. | ||
| It was all about fucking radio. | ||
| I'm in radio. | ||
| This is great. | ||
| I'm going to build this and concentrate on that. | ||
| So whatever burden she was, was outweighed by the pleasure of doing radio. | ||
| But after nine years, that was it. | ||
| But I jumped right from that into another relationship that just lasted years. | ||
| And then after that one, I started thinking, like, maybe I shouldn't tell these girls that I feel for them so much. | ||
| You know? | ||
| And now I just say, look, understand what this is. | ||
| We are not boyfriend and girlfriend. | ||
| I am not in a relationship with you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And it almost works. | |
| I have to fine-tune it. | ||
| I'm almost there, though. | ||
| It's a tough sell. | ||
| Sometimes I don't get the message. | ||
| And I start getting things. | ||
| But then when I start getting texts, I'd be like, these are girlfriend texts. | ||
| We're not in a relationship. | ||
| Do you say that to them? | ||
| Yes! | ||
| I go, this is a girlfriend text. | ||
| What's an example of a girlfriend text? | ||
| A girlfriend text. | ||
| You said I could do this, and then at the last minute you told me that I can't do it with you. | ||
| I can't go here or do this or something. | ||
| I'm like, I changed my mind, or I have something else, or I made other plans. | ||
| It happens. | ||
| It fell through. | ||
| Oh, well, you're treating me like shit. | ||
| This is... | ||
| Hey! | ||
|
unidentified
|
No! | |
| That's a girlfriend. | ||
| That isn't a friend. | ||
| If I call my friend Joe Curry, let's say, and I say, Joe, this weekend I'm having a party at the house. | ||
| Come on over. | ||
| He'll be like, okay. | ||
| And then on Friday afternoon, I call him and say, Joe, no party. | ||
| It's just not happening. | ||
| I'm doing something else. | ||
| All right, cool. | ||
| That's like that only if I could fuck Joe Curry. | ||
| See, the girls... | ||
| You're trying to make that. | ||
| You're trying to... | ||
| I'm trying to make it so they understand that they are one of my friends that are girls, that if we want to have sex and stuff, that's great, it's cool and everything, but we can't have this relationship. | ||
| Where you live here and where we are obligated to go out for certain occasions because you're my top bitch or something or whatever it is. | ||
| What about them fucking other guys? | ||
| Yeah, that doesn't happen. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, no. | |
| No, what are you, an asshole? | ||
| Yeah, who is this guy? | ||
| No, they could. | ||
| I don't want to hear about it just like I don't want to have to tell them about it. | ||
| Oh, I've heard this one. | ||
| Like, oh, who are you going out with tonight? | ||
| This is none of your business. | ||
| It's none of your fucking business. | ||
| Oh, is it this girl? | ||
| Is it that one? | ||
| Like, I'm not telling you. | ||
| Why would I tell you? | ||
| Why wouldn't you? | ||
| Ah, God, I don't want to hear this. | ||
| I just don't want to hear it. | ||
| But that's, you know. | ||
| There's certain patterns in relationships that people automatically fall into and they think they're allowed to. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| These are allowed patterns. | ||
| Because it's become commonplace. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And that's what I... They've been used to their whole life and that's what this... | ||
| A groove that the guys have fallen into over the years where they know like, oh my god, you just realize at one point you go, uh-oh, I'm in a relationship. | ||
| I didn't even want to be in one! | ||
| We were dating or something or just hanging out. | ||
| Like, why does it always have to turn into a relationship? | ||
| And I've said to girls before, I've said, relationships are the death knell for a good relationship. | ||
| Companionship. | ||
| All of a sudden now there's obligations, responsibilities, accountabilities, all these things that come along with a relationship take away from the good parts of hanging out, which is we're watching TV, we're drinking, we're fucking, we're going out to dinner, we're not arguing about anything. | ||
| Is that my phone? | ||
| Oh, I hope not. | ||
| How did you manage to avoid... | ||
| That's your girlfriend. | ||
| No, don't worry about it. | ||
| It's his girlfriend. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, it's my girlfriend. | |
| She's pissed. | ||
| So you avoided children. | ||
| You got no children. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| That's a big one. | ||
| That is the biggest, because I almost had a kid with my wife, which would have just been... | ||
| I'd have had to kill myself, I think. | ||
| I would have had to do something to get out of it. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| First, she got one of those ectopic pregnancies. | ||
| Which happens in the fallopian tube and blows up and she like started bleeding internally and boy if I had a future me came back at the moment I was driving her to the hospital I may have made a stop at McDonald's first. | ||
| Or you know I might have had to pick a few things up while she was in the passenger seat bleeding to death. | ||
| Oh my goodness. | ||
| Well, you say this because she basically... | ||
| I mean, how much money did she take over the years? | ||
| That was a bad divorce. | ||
| It's seven figures she took. | ||
| Over a long period of time, too, right? | ||
| Yeah, she got Dominic Barber for her lawyer. | ||
| You know, famed, bloated Howard Stern attorney, but Dominic Barber was her lawyer, and he was just so much fucking anger that I had. | ||
| You think I'm angry now, people? | ||
| Wow. | ||
| angry um and yeah i i hated them i hated that whole camp the lawyers they'd come in and i i had to pay her legal bills which is another one of those great fucking amazing feminist things i had to pay her legal bills and mine So she hires Dominic Barbera, and he's just this fucking way expensive attorney. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Amazing. | |
| And I think, well, I gotta save some money, so let me hire a cheaper attorney. | ||
| Oh, that doesn't work, Joe. | ||
| That's ridiculous. | ||
| I had a guy that would come in with like a manila folder. | ||
| Into court. | ||
| And they had hand trucks of those big boxes of legal briefs and stuff on their side. | ||
| And I'm just like, oh, this is the worst thing ever. | ||
| And over the course of quite a few years, I had to keep paying her and paying her. | ||
| And then it was over. | ||
| And I'm very happy with that. | ||
| Do you ever communicate with her now? | ||
| No. | ||
| Thank God. | ||
| And I don't have to. | ||
| And if I had kids, I would have to. | ||
| I don't understand how that happens. | ||
| A lot of people say, well, no, you know, over the years we've built up a nice relationship. | ||
| I'm friends with my ex-wife. | ||
| It's like, no, you're not. | ||
| You had to develop something or you would have killed her or yourself or everyone involved. | ||
| You have a kid, so you have to kind of build some type of relationship with her. | ||
| I have a buddy who's friends with his ex-girlfriend and his ex-girlfriend is now married to another one of his friends and they have kids together and they get all their kids together and play. | ||
| That's weird. | ||
| That's just odd. | ||
| I don't think it ever goes away. | ||
| I don't think that, you fucked her, ever goes away. | ||
| No, probably not, right? | ||
| Probably not. | ||
| Well, the ex-boyfriend and the new husband, they do have a little weird thing with each other. | ||
| The new husband will occasionally criticize the ex-boyfriend in a little bit of an over-excessive way. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Because he knows that for years he's slipping the dick to the missus. | ||
| He pretends to be cool with it, but... | ||
| Yeah, but we know. | ||
| There's a lot of weirdness to it all. | ||
| No shit. | ||
| There's a lot of weirdness. | ||
| Oh. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Got a little note handed to you? | ||
| Oh, that's true. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Dominic Barbara, the lawyer for my wife. | ||
| He came to my house a couple of months ago. | ||
| For what? | ||
| Knocked on the door. | ||
| Came to the house. | ||
| Because he heard that I got fired from SiriusXM. | ||
| And he was like, I just got out of rehab. | ||
| Drugs and alcohol ruined my life. | ||
| I no longer have a law practice. | ||
| He got arrested for stealing from one of the stores at the Miracle Mile there on Long Island. | ||
| And he's just, he's destitute now. | ||
| He was living on his friend's couch. | ||
| He went from that attorney that was always on Howard's show and made millions of dollars, obviously made some off of me, and then he's just destitute now. | ||
| So I read the stories in the paper before I got fired and everything, and I've always laughed. | ||
| I thought, good, good for him, karma, motherfucker. | ||
| And if you crow about karma, isn't that bad, karmically? | ||
| I think so. | ||
| I think it is, too. | ||
| Whatever. | ||
| But he knocked on my door, and I'm looking out the window, and I'm like, I think that's fucking Dominic Barber. | ||
| And he comes in, and he was trying to preach to me. | ||
| He's saying, I read what happened, and I'm thinking maybe you need help or something. | ||
| Oh, he wants to be your sponsor? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's like, fuck. | |
| What the fuck is he talking about? | ||
| He probably, A, sees you as an opportunity to get back in the limelight, and B, feels bad that he stole your fucking money. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| And he might have been doing one of those 12-step things where he's got to make some kind of reconciliation with me. | ||
| So he came over, he did that, but then at the end he's like, so you got the new show you're going to be starting up? | ||
| I'm like, yeah. | ||
| He goes, you know, I know this advertising thing where this, and then he's pitching some type of Advertising for the show. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So he left his number. | ||
| Bitch, you stole money from me, you fuck. | ||
| Get out of here. | ||
| Yes, and people were saying that. | ||
| They're like, why did you even let him in your house? | ||
| And they're saying, you should have shot him when he got in the house and said that he was trying to attack you. | ||
| He's crazy. | ||
| He was on drugs. | ||
| He stole money. | ||
| He's destitute. | ||
| Look at his fucking record, man. | ||
| And check this knife out that was by his hand here. | ||
| Yes, it matches my cutlery set, but... | ||
| That's a very popular item. | ||
| Yeah, so people are asking me that, and I don't know. | ||
| I can't really do that. | ||
| I'm not the get-the-fuck-out guy. | ||
| I'd rather just come in. | ||
| I had a fan come to my fucking house once, just knocked on the door. | ||
| And he's like, hey, Ant. | ||
| I'm like, hey. | ||
| He goes, yeah, I found out where you lived. | ||
| I just thought maybe I could hang out and have a beer. | ||
| And I'm looking going, all right. | ||
| I could do this two ways. | ||
| I could fucking tell him, get the fuck out of here, and he leaves pissed off, and I have no idea who he is. | ||
| Or I can have him come into the backyard, grab a beer, and interrogate him, pretty much. | ||
| And that's what... | ||
| Was done. | ||
| So he came in, had a beer. | ||
| We found out everything about him. | ||
| I gave all the info to Keith. | ||
| He ran him. | ||
| And, you know, figured he didn't have any problems. | ||
| He's a married guy with kids and lives out on Long Island. | ||
| Stony Brook, I think, somewhere. | ||
| How weird. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So there are two ways you could deal with that. | ||
| And I'd have been wondering, you know, who was that guy? | ||
| And now he's pissed. | ||
| Now he's a disgruntled fan. | ||
| You know, now I can pretty much tell him, hey, you had a beer at my house. | ||
| Shut the fuck up. | ||
| Leave me alone. | ||
| You know? | ||
| But then there's that stalkerish angle where I'm friends with him now. | ||
| I could just come over anytime. | ||
| Did he ever do it? | ||
| Did he ever come by again? | ||
| No, he didn't, but me and Keith saw him at the Mexican place we were eating at about a month ago, and he came up and was like, hey, how you doing? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I was like, hey, look who it is, the fucking crazy guy. | |
| But he's married, he's got kids, a normal guy. | ||
| Yeah, he has a Facebook account, and I see his Facebook posts, his kid rides horses, and he's got a nice place, he holds a job. | ||
| Just a fan. | ||
| So it turned out he was just a fan, and you know what? | ||
| I really don't have any problem with certain fans. | ||
| A lot of the people that come over to my parties were formerly just fans of the show or people that were on the show. | ||
| Crazy fucking Big A and my buddy Dennis and all of my poker-playing friends. | ||
| They were pretty much fans of the show that, through one way or another, hanging out, I figured they were pretty cool and responsible and not going to shoot up or rob my house. | ||
| So they come over and... | ||
| Well, your house would be one of the worst places to rob anyway because you're armed to the teeth and your fucking house is strategically set up in case anybody breaks into this room. | ||
| You're pressing fucking buttons and secret doors are opening. | ||
| I got safe rooms and magnetically locked doors that are alarmed. | ||
| I'm not kidding. | ||
| Really? | ||
| You have magnetically locked doors? | ||
| Yeah, they just magnetically locked. | ||
| They got separate alarm systems on them, just separate from the house. | ||
| And, you know, that's like the gun storage. | ||
| Shit like that. | ||
| Because you don't want anybody getting into your guns. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How many guns do you have? | |
| I'm not even sure. | ||
| It's probably almost 100, maybe. | ||
| We're around there. | ||
| That's a lot of guns. | ||
| A lot of rifles and stuff. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But in New York, it's getting very tough to own rifles that... | ||
| Anything but a lever action. | ||
| You go to a gun store in New York now, it looks like 1800s. | ||
| It's all lever action fucking... | ||
| The Rifleman! | ||
| Are they bolt actions? | ||
| Bolt actions, a lot of those, but AR-15s, you just can't find them anymore. | ||
| Semi-automatics, things like that. | ||
| And that's a whole other discussion about the effectiveness of banning certain weapons as opposed to banning... | ||
| Also, didn't they make it so that the magazine size was literally non-existent? | ||
| Like the legal magazine size for guns? | ||
| They made it seven rounds. | ||
| And magazines only come in 5, 10, 15, things like that. | ||
| So by saying seven rounds and then outlawing the ten round magazine. | ||
| It was very calculated. | ||
| They said, we only want you to load seven rounds in your clip, in your magazine. | ||
| So you go, okay, and we're banning ten round magazines. | ||
| So it's like, so what you're saying is I can only have five rounds, because that's the only magazine available to me that isn't over the seven-round limit. | ||
| And so they put the kibosh on that. | ||
| They figured that was excessive. | ||
| So now you're allowed to have the 10-round magazine and 10 rounds in it. | ||
| You are allowed? | ||
| Yes, they changed it. | ||
| Oh, so they fought against it. | ||
| They changed it. | ||
| Who changed it? | ||
| It was appealed. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The Supreme Court of New York overthrew that. | |
| And they're constantly, all of the New York chapters of the NRA and New York Rifle Associations are constantly battling legislation. | ||
| Supposedly gun control legislation, gun safety. | ||
| They always call it good stuff. | ||
| The Safety Act. | ||
| It's never taking away. | ||
| Laws never are anti-gun law or take away gun laws. | ||
| It's a safety law. | ||
| It's for your pleasure. | ||
| It's everything. | ||
| Everything that is given to us by the government, thank you, government, which is supposed to be the people, everything that's given to us is presented in a Look what we're giving you. | ||
| The Marriage Protection Act, you know, you want to protect marriage. | ||
| It's not the fuck the gays law and gays can't get married law. | ||
| We're protecting something here. | ||
| And that's how it's presented. | ||
| Because they know that people are going to call them out on being anti-gay. | ||
| So they're going, no, we're not anti-gay. | ||
| We're just pro-marriage. | ||
| It's the same thing with everything the government tries to present to you. | ||
| It's convenient. | ||
| It's nice. | ||
| It's safety. | ||
| The Patriot Act. | ||
| How about the Patriot Act? | ||
| The Patriot Act is another one. | ||
| If I don't agree with this, I'm not a patriot. | ||
| It's the Patriot Act. | ||
| You're anti-Patriot, isn't it? | ||
| I mean, the hacky thing, obviously, is to bring up 1984 and the way language was used. | ||
| In that book, and it's so real. | ||
| It's crazier now. | ||
| It's all semantics. | ||
| It's crazier than 1984. Yeah, it is. | ||
| And I wonder what it's going to be like 50 years from now. | ||
| I really do. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I think the end of the world's coming next week. | ||
| Any day now. | ||
| Any day. | ||
| You can just see it. | ||
| The downfall of society. | ||
| Please, please, I hope so. | ||
| I hope so. | ||
| Like the Ebola thing. | ||
| Everyone loves talking about Ebola. | ||
| I'm scared of Ebola. | ||
| You're not scared of Ebola? | ||
| I'm scared of the fact that something like that exists. | ||
| I'm not scared that there's going to be a big outbreak here in this country. | ||
| Why? | ||
| I think it's more sanitary conditions. | ||
| Than it is people getting it from each other. | ||
| I think in West Africa, you have horrid sanitary conditions. | ||
| People are literally living in shit. | ||
| There's shit flowing down. | ||
| You walk out of your little shack, and there's shit going down the street. | ||
| And I think those conditions, and eating bushmeat and shit like that, not what we consider bushmeat, which I love here in the States. | ||
| Different bushmeat. | ||
| Did you see what he just put up? | ||
| Plane detail over Las Vegas for fears passenger had Ebola symptoms. | ||
| Now, could that be the guy that coughed on a plane? | ||
| Some paranoia, I don't know. | ||
| Some guy, I just saw on the news before, he was coughing, and then he goes, oh, I got Ebola. | ||
| He said that to somebody. | ||
| They pulled him off the plane in space suits. | ||
| They pulled him off the plane in space suits. | ||
| That's like saying you have a gun. | ||
| Right, it's the new I have a gun where... | ||
| You walk through the airport security. | ||
| Security, we put your bag up and go, I hope they don't find the bomb in there, right? | ||
| Hey, we're going to have fun in Vegas! | ||
| Yeah, no you're not. | ||
| You're going back here for the old full body cabinet. | ||
| There's no jokes in Vegas. | ||
| You're not allowed to have no jokes at the security of the airport, brother. | ||
| It's amazing people still do that. | ||
| And this guy said Ebola, and they came in... | ||
| Grabbed him and fucking took him off the plane. | ||
| With spacesuits. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| People are petrified. | ||
| Well, it's so contagious. | ||
| And it does have a 100% mortality rate here in this country. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| One case. | ||
| Well, there's two people that have it, right? | ||
| A second person was brought into L.A. from Liberia. | ||
| They found out that he doesn't have it, though. | ||
| Oh, good. | ||
| And this guy in Vegas, supposedly, he just got back from Africa and he puked on the plane, so that's why they thought he might have it. | ||
| Oh, fucking Christ. | ||
| The fucked up thing is, like, planes make people puke. | ||
| So if you're puking on the plane... | ||
| Yeah, that's why they have a bag in front of your seat. | ||
| Yeah, there's bags in front of every person for puke. | ||
| I've never puked on a plane, though, have you? | ||
| No. | ||
| I haven't either. | ||
| Pussies. | ||
| Puking on a plane. | ||
| Puke on a boat? | ||
| Nope, I haven't. | ||
| I've puked on boats. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It sucks, because I love boats. | ||
| But it gets you? | ||
| Yeah, but like, Keith's got one, and I go out on the Great South Bay and shit like that on Long Island, and it's cool. | ||
| That's fine. | ||
| I got no problem with that. | ||
| But, like, going deep sea fishing, which I love doing. | ||
| It's fun. | ||
| You're having a good time. | ||
| And then, it's so weird how it hits you, seasickness, because you'll just be, yeah, I'm fucking hanging. | ||
| What the hell was that? | ||
| And all of a sudden you just get sick. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you can't do anything. | ||
| You start puking. | ||
| It's terrible. | ||
| Yeah, it doesn't get me for whatever reason, but I know people it does get. | ||
| Some weird visual inner ear thing. | ||
| It's your whole vision combined with your balance and how the two, if they're separated too much, If they're not in compliance with each other, it's like, all right, make them vomit! | ||
| I don't know why. | ||
| I guess they assume you've been poisoned. | ||
| Yeah, that's exactly what it is. | ||
| Your body assumes it's been poisoned and needs to get the poison out. | ||
| I get it if I'm sitting in the backseat of a car and I'm reading something. | ||
| Yes, that'll make you queasy. | ||
| It's like all the bumps and like staring at something all of a sudden. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We have that swallowing thing where the saliva starts coming up. | ||
| Awful, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm not a friend of puking. | ||
| Here's what's funny. | ||
| The drug that they use to keep you from getting seasick, those little patches, those little things, it's scopolamine. | ||
| That's that same drug as the Colombian devil's breath that they blow on you and they turn you into a fucking zombie. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's that same drug. | ||
| Vice did a documentary on Colombian devil's breath. | ||
| It's the exact same drug that they use to keep you from getting seasick. | ||
| It's just the seasick version is a very low, low dose. | ||
| Right, yeah. | ||
| The Colombians, they'll take this stuff and they blow it in your face and it goes up your nose and you're gone. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah, they'll blow it in your face and you literally become a zombie. | ||
| And you'll move shit for them, commit murder, fucking dig holes. | ||
| Does it ever wear off? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| That would be frightening. | ||
| You don't have any recollection. | ||
| You have no recollection. | ||
| Yeah, this stuff. | ||
| Colombian devil's breath. | ||
| Have people been arrested and used that as a defense? | ||
| No, but it's a good idea. | ||
| They think that it also might be one of the reasons why Haiti is so, Ebola's told, 4,000 in seven months. | ||
| 233 of them are healthcare workers. | ||
| That's a lot of fucking people dead. | ||
| 4,000 people? | ||
| That's 1,000 more than 9-11. | ||
| In seven months. | ||
| Look at that guy. | ||
| He's just crawling on the ground. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| That is some real repugnant poverty over there. | ||
| Well, when I was doing this sci-fi show, we did an episode on hemorrhagic viruses. | ||
| We did an episode on what they call weaponized weaponry. | ||
| And we talked to them at the CDC center that they have down in Galveston, Texas, where they have these... | ||
| We went into the building. | ||
| They have these four-foot-thick walls with solid glass and concrete and these ventilation systems that suck everything out, and everyone's wearing spacesuits. | ||
| They want me to wear a spacesuit and get in there, and I was like, get the fuck out of here. | ||
| I'm not going in there. | ||
| They're like, it's totally safe. | ||
| I'm like, no, no, it's not totally safe. | ||
| It's reasonably safe. | ||
| If a fucking earthquake happens, and your system breaks while I'm in there, and I have to fucking take my mask off to work the gear, no, I'm dead. | ||
| Fuck you. | ||
| You bleed. | ||
| You bleed from everywhere. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's fucking crazy. | |
| Your eyes bleed, your asshole bleeds, your mouth, your nose, your body starts to liquefy. | ||
| You just start oozing. | ||
| It's one of the worst ways to die ever. | ||
| Breaks down your innards. | ||
| Yeah, it's fucking terrible, man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then I guess the guy, Duncan, what was his name? | ||
| The guy that just recently died? | ||
| He came over from Liberia? | ||
| His family is now criticizing the hospital, saying that they might not have given him the care that he... | ||
| They closed an entire floor. | ||
| He comes from Liberia, through Brussels, comes here, gets... | ||
| Do you think they weren't giving him the most attention in that hospital out of any patient? | ||
| And then the family was like... | ||
| You know, well, we want an investigation. | ||
| It's like, you should be thanking every doctor in that hospital. | ||
| They should tell the family we're going to have to kill you because you might be contagious. | ||
| You might be contagious. | ||
| We'll just light the house on fire. | ||
| You all in the house? | ||
| Good, okay. | ||
| Nobody allowed from Africa for a year. | ||
| Let's just put a moratorium. | ||
| You keep your country. | ||
| We got ours. | ||
| Come back one year! | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I have friends that go to Africa for hunting. | ||
| Really? | ||
| They're still going over there. | ||
| Cameron Haynes, he just went over there and shot a bunch of shit with bows and arrows. | ||
| Are they Facebooking their pictures? | ||
| Oh yeah, he Facebooks his pictures. | ||
| They're the type of person that doesn't give a shit. | ||
| Yeah, that's good. | ||
| He doesn't give a fuck. | ||
| Every so often those pictures come out and people are like, oh! | ||
| Huh? | ||
| How dare you? | ||
| You know what's interesting? | ||
| And my friend Steve Rinella had a really good point about this. | ||
| The real outrage came when a white girl was doing it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
True. | |
| It wasn't like some old fat man took a picture of him with a lion that he killed and everybody went crazy and it got a million Facebook hits. | ||
| No. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| There's old fat men that have Facebook pages that are filled with fucking dead unicorns. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| And no one gives a shit. | ||
| No one gives a shit. | ||
| Because it's an old fat man that nobody wants to have sex with. | ||
| But you take one of those hot young chicks, a cheerleader from Texas, and she's got a pink bow, and she's standing over a zebra, and everybody loses their shit. | ||
| Why? | ||
|
unidentified
|
And this. | |
| Sexism. | ||
| Well, how stupid is that? | ||
| People actually thought that Steven Spielberg killed a fucking triceratops. | ||
| Fucking amazing. | ||
| Or a stegosaurus. | ||
| People are so fucking dumb. | ||
| People thought that he killed a triceratops. | ||
| People are so fucking stupid! | ||
| I wonder what you'd use on a triceratops. | ||
| They're so fucking stupid. | ||
| But there's a lot of people that have those websites where they go to Africa and they kill animals and they put them on their website. | ||
| Nobody gives a shit. | ||
| So why is it that the hot young girl with the pink bow and everything, she's the one that gets the, oh, you bitch, you cunt. | ||
| Well, my friend Steve, he had a bunch of good points about it. | ||
| One of the things he said, he said to believe a lot of it is real sexism. | ||
| That's real sexism. | ||
| Like, if it's okay for a guy to do it, but if a girl does it, everybody goes nuts. | ||
| And they don't want pretty girls getting involved in that, like, for some reason. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Like, first of all, there's a lot of people that resent pretty girls. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Have a fucking free ride. | ||
| Especially if you're a chick that maybe is unattractive and you're also someone who loves animals and you see some pretty girl with a fucking dead zebra and you just shh! | ||
| You fucking cunt! | ||
| She was a cunt already just because she's privileged. | ||
| She's got great bone structure and a big juicy ass and everybody wants to come inside of her. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck her! | |
| Right? | ||
| And so there's that. | ||
| But now you have a license because she's standing over a fucking leopard. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Which she shot with a bow and arrow and like, this fucking bitch. | ||
| I hope that animal eats you alive. | ||
| I hope they make you suffer. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| You die slowly. | ||
| That is it because she couldn't just call her out for being pretty. | ||
| She'd look petty. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| And terrible. | ||
| And men who know that that girl would never fuck them in a million years, they get angry too. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And then there's also the men that want to go way overboard to show everybody that they really support animal rights and people who eat animals are assholes and people who shoot zebras are bullshit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's a fascinating thing because you look at all the restaurants everywhere you go. | ||
| You can get out of this office right now. | ||
| We could drive down the street and every fucking place on the left and the right and the left and the right is fantastic. | ||
| Filled with the carcasses of animals that died in ways far more horrible than any fucking zebra suffers when you double lung them with an arrow. | ||
| These animals live their lives in pens, in cages, bred specifically for consumption, killed in horrible ways, fed other dead animals when they're not even supposed to be eating animals, just so they can get more protein into them to make them fatter and stupider. | ||
| I mean, we're horrible. | ||
| It really is great when you take the byproducts that cannot be used for anything else, grind it up, and feed it back to the animals. | ||
| That's what they did with Mad Cow. | ||
| They fucking were feeding them brain matter. | ||
| They got diseases that cannibals in New Guinea got. | ||
| That's sci-fi shit right there. | ||
| That's fucking dark. | ||
| That's Soylent Green stuff right there. | ||
| It's so fucking gross. | ||
| Feed it back to them. | ||
| They've already used it. | ||
| They've always used it for dog food and animal food and things like that, which I don't necessarily think is that awful, because dogs eat their own assholes. | ||
| They eat shit. | ||
| They lick each other's balls. | ||
| They're not picky. | ||
| I mean, does it have protein in it? | ||
| Yeah, it's probably good for the dog. | ||
| I don't understand. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But the hunting thing in Africa is even more exacerbated by the reality of conservation, that these animals were on the verge of extinction, and now they're valuable. | ||
| So because they're valuable, there's far more of these animals than they've ever been before, like ever in recorded history in Africa. | ||
| Like, they have areas of high-fence hunting operations that have these once endangered animals, and they're just fucking roaming free wild everywhere. | ||
| And these hunters fly in, and they go to these spots, and they kill them. | ||
| So it's so fucked up. | ||
| It's like, on one side... | ||
| Like, you know Louis Theroux, the documentarian from England? | ||
| You ever seen his documentaries? | ||
| No. | ||
| Fascinating guy. | ||
| Really, really cool guy. | ||
| And I had him on the podcast before, and we talked specifically about these operations, because he went over there, and he was staying with them for three weeks. | ||
| And he was saying that these people have these hunting ranches, and without these hunting ranches, these animals would probably be extinct. | ||
| But because they're valuable and people fly in and hunt them, they're worth money. | ||
| So he's talking to the guy, and he's trying to figure it out. | ||
| And the guy goes on this fucking crazy rant. | ||
| The guy goes, you keep asking me the same question. | ||
| I'm going to tell you what's up. | ||
| Africa is fucked. | ||
| Do you not understand it? | ||
| Africa is worth money or it's nothing. | ||
| These animals, they're worth something. | ||
| So then they're alive. | ||
| If they weren't alive, if they weren't worth anything, they wouldn't be alive. | ||
| Africa is fucked. | ||
| And he just was in that South African accent. | ||
| Wow, yeah. | ||
| Africa is fucked. | ||
| And he's this old guy that's been living in Africa his whole life, and he's just talking about how it just grinds everything. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, if it's not valuable, it's not going to stay alive. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The only reason why these animals even exist still is because people can come over and hunt them. | ||
| And hunt them. | ||
| How ironic. | ||
| Right, isn't that? | ||
| And they pay a lot of money to go over there and hunt these animals, and then the money... | ||
| From what I've heard, I don't know how accurate it is, isn't it supposed to go to some conservation? | ||
| A lot of it does. | ||
| A lot of it does. | ||
| Well, I would be suspect to anything that goes over to Africa, and that's supposed to go somewhere. | ||
| When you look at starving nations, and just plain loads of food are going over there, and they're still just as starving, someone's getting rich off of that, and yeah, it's not the people. | ||
| Well, the numbers of people that are in poverty are so high. | ||
| It's almost like, yo, what am I going to do with this? | ||
| We showed an image the other day on the podcast of what Africa looks like size-wise, that you could fit pretty much every other country in the world inside of Africa. | ||
| It's a fucking enormous place. | ||
| Just the Congo itself is as wide as America. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| One country, yeah. | ||
| Imagine the Congo, a fucking giant rainforest filled with wild, crazy monkeys, and some of them, they were mythological until recently. | ||
| Yeah! | ||
| You remember when we were on the show? | ||
| We were on Opie and Anthony. | ||
| A lady called up. | ||
| We were talking about the Bondo ape, which has since been proven by DNA and photograph and video evidence. | ||
| But I was talking about it based on a National Geographic article, and some woman who was a biologist called up and said it was bullshit, and you guys don't know what you're talking about. | ||
| And I was getting angry at her. | ||
| I'm like, I'm not making this up, bitch! | ||
| This is the Congo. | ||
| The Congo's a crazy place. | ||
| Imagine that, though. | ||
| I just flew over the entire country, and you look down and you see America. | ||
| Imagine all of that being a jungle full of wildlife. | ||
| You don't know everything that's in there. | ||
| No. | ||
| And there are pockets of places where there are little communities of one animal, certain things. | ||
| Their diet dictates where they are, their surroundings, whether they migrate or not. | ||
| You're not going to be able to keep tabs on every fucking living thing in one country on the continent that is that big and that covered. | ||
| It's just astounding that people are surprised when new things get found. | ||
| Yeah, that was a big one though, a new primate and a big six foot tall super aggressive chimpanzee that occasionally walks upright can weigh as much as 400 pounds and they call them lion killers. | ||
| Oh, man. | ||
| They say there's two types of chimps, tree beaters and lion killers. | ||
| And the tree beaters are the smaller ones that go up into the top of the trees and run, but the lion killers bed on the ground like gorillas. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| They're like Planet of the Apes type gorillas. | ||
| Yeah, we just watched that on the plane. | ||
| They're fucking giant, man. | ||
| The last one was not bad. | ||
| Yeah, the last one was pretty good. | ||
| Fucking a lot of anger in there. | ||
| A lot of anger in those monkeys. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| But this area of the Congo is also where all the Coltrane comes from when they're making cell phones out of stuff. | ||
| There's so much minerals and shit that they extract from these areas. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's a very wealthy nation as far as resources go. | ||
| And it's the poorest, not nation, continent. | ||
| And it's the poorest continent ever. | ||
| Sub-Saharan Africa on the face of the earth. | ||
| It's astounding to me. | ||
| And I know it always gets blamed on imperialism and, you know, every other country has come in and raped and ravaged Africa and then left with the wealth and riches and blah blah blah. | ||
| But, I mean, hasn't that happened with every country? | ||
| Country and continent on the face of this earth? | ||
| Pretty much. | ||
| During some point in history? | ||
| Well, unless someone comes along and revamps their infrastructure and creates some sort of a central government that's democratically elected and gets rid of the majority of their corruption. | ||
| The civilization there is so old. | ||
| And the corruption and the violence is so embedded in their system. | ||
| To break the momentum of like... | ||
| The Congo, that fucking Coney 2012 guy, remember? | ||
| Where'd that go? | ||
| Well, when the fucking guy that was heading it started beating off naked on a street corner, that hashtag went into the old dustbin. | ||
| That was so quick. | ||
| That was a fast one. | ||
| People cared and then didn't care. | ||
| Like that. | ||
| That is the hashtag, though. | ||
| That's like, people care, then they don't care. | ||
| Yeah, that was the biggest one, though. | ||
| It was huge. | ||
| Celebrities get involved, and there was a kit. | ||
| Like, there was a kit that you could send for that on one day in April, I think, of that year, people were supposed to wake up and just see Kony signs everywhere. | ||
| And you could send for these big kits where they had Kony stickers and stuff, and one day, people were supposed to get out of bed and go to work and be like, what's happening? | ||
| Kony everywhere! | ||
| And then the guy just started jerking off naked on the corner. | ||
| In San Diego, too. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's it. | |
| But they don't play. | ||
| No, no. | ||
| They don't play in San Diego. | ||
| You can't do that. | ||
| It's fucking conservative. | ||
| They're close to military bases. | ||
| You can't just be jacking off with a bunch of old rich people. | ||
| Donald Rumpfell's neighborhood. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| All the slacktivists at that point were just like, we need a new hashtag. | ||
| New hashtag! | ||
| The point is, like, these warlords that essentially control large parts of the Congo, it's like, to get them out and to revamp the system and deal with the fact that there's a jungle and there's no roads. | ||
| No roads. | ||
| Very fuzzy borders. | ||
| Like, all these borders are constantly moving based on which warlord is warring with the other one and how much land they take and killing, taking resources. | ||
| Yeah, there needs to be some kind of... | ||
| Legitimate infrastructure put in place. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How's that ever going to happen? | ||
| Who's doing that? | ||
| Well, that's another thing. | ||
| We think about it like, oh boy, it's never happened in the time we've been alive, so it won't happen. | ||
| This shit takes thousands of years sometimes. | ||
| It does, yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, you look at some of the Middle East with all their oil. | ||
| I mean, they were walking around on that shit for years not knowing it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It was pretty much... | ||
| More civilized, technically advanced cultures that said, hey, let's build these things and start pumping fucking oil out of the ground. | ||
| Made them rich, but that's the infrastructure that was put in place by the West and kind of made them who they are now. | ||
| Well, So why can't it happen in Africa with all those resources? | ||
| Because the second someone swoops in from the West and decides that they're going to start building things, it's instantly seen as taking advantage and raping the land. | ||
| But meanwhile, jobs are created when you rape the land, sorry to say, but it does happen. | ||
| And I think that's better than just having a population that doesn't even... | ||
| Know how to take the shit out of the ground and is literally walking on gold and starving. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And dying of disease. | ||
| Literally walking on gold. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And they just... | ||
| But there's no roads. | ||
| And there's also this problem, there's fucking trees everywhere. | ||
| And you can't cut them down or else you're evil. | ||
| Everybody will go terrible. | ||
| Evil people. | ||
| Oh, you bad person. | ||
| You non-green. | ||
| But if you're in Dubai, you get to everything. | ||
| Slap down a road and you're good to go. | ||
| Start drilling. | ||
| Alright, we got cash. | ||
| What do you want to do? | ||
| Let's build the biggest fucking building ever. | ||
| Let's do it. | ||
| Go ahead. | ||
| You got twillions. | ||
| Twillions and twillions of dollars. | ||
| Maybe we should then just look at it for what it is and not try to incorporate that into the world we know and we're familiar with and just accept that for what it is. | ||
| There are going to be people that live in these places that cannot be industrialized and they are going to have to suffer the consequences of living there. | ||
| I don't know what else there is unless you want us to deforest, build some roads, get some big cat fucking bulldozers in there. | ||
| What's the answer there? | ||
| There's not a lot of answers. | ||
| Everywhere you go that has a big jungle is fucked. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Once you get into the jungle, like, there's fucking people with leaves over their dicks. | ||
| What are we going to do here? | ||
| When you're fucking around as a kid in the woods, you have been in certain situations where you're like, ah, I'm in the stickers. | ||
| Ah, I went off the path. | ||
| Oh, I'm this... | ||
| That's nothing! | ||
| Like, imagine that, the size of the United States, and a thousand times worse. | ||
| Now do something in there. | ||
| Now live! | ||
| Yeah, no shit, man. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| That is fucking terrifying, to be living in the jungle, too. | ||
| Then you have to think about the bugs. | ||
| All the fucking bugs that are there. | ||
| When you put a little off on you in the backyard because of the mosquito. | ||
| I got bit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Did you see this? | |
| I got bit. | ||
| That's just like those bee beards of mosquitoes. | ||
| Well, have you ever been in Alaska in the summer? | ||
| No, I haven't. | ||
| Alaska's incredible. | ||
| You go outside. | ||
| I'm not exaggerating at all. | ||
| You get out of your car, you step out of your car, and then a swarm of mosquitoes will engulf you. | ||
| Like, when Ari and I went fishing last year, and what we had to do is, we pulled up to the spot, and the boat was over there, so we go, alright, you ready? | ||
| I got the keys. | ||
| You got everything? | ||
| Got everything in your hands? | ||
| Ready? | ||
| Go! | ||
| And we would open the door, slam it, lock it, and just start running. | ||
| And you had to just run to the boat. | ||
| Where were you running to? | ||
| To the boat. | ||
| Oh, the boat. | ||
| Because once you park the car, if you stand put, if you just stay there, you just get swarmed. | ||
| And then they follow you everywhere, and they're just stinging the whole fuck out of you. | ||
| So once you get on the boat and pull out, they don't fuck with you? | ||
| They can't find you. | ||
| Once you... | ||
| You're going down the river. | ||
| Yeah, if you stay put for a while, they'll find you. | ||
| But the idea is that they detect your carbon dioxide. | ||
| Oh, right. | ||
| So they come to your mouth. | ||
| That's the first thing they come to, and then they find that you're in the air. | ||
| And they just start stinging the shit out of you. | ||
| I'm talking like thousands of mosquitoes instantaneously arrive. | ||
| It's because they have no time. | ||
| They're only alive for like a couple of months. | ||
| They're in high gear for everything they do. | ||
| June rolls around, man. | ||
| They fucking roll out, they hatch, and they just start going. | ||
| They're only alive till like the end of August. | ||
| August is over, it starts getting cold as shit, and it's over again. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You see animals sometimes just sitting there covered in bugs and they don't seem to mind. | ||
| Don't give a fuck. | ||
| It's just amazing to me. | ||
| Well, they have no options. | ||
| Very annoying. | ||
| No, they really don't. | ||
| That tail, maybe. | ||
| They could swat away flies within a fucking two-foot radius of their asshole. | ||
| That's pretty much it. | ||
| If it's on your fucking eyeball, you're fucked. | ||
| Thanks, evolution. | ||
| Yeah, thank you. | ||
| A fucking tail just flops back and forth, barely does a half-ass job, no pun intended. | ||
| At least they put it where they know most of the flies are going to be going, because that kind of makes sense. | ||
| Put it by his asshole. | ||
| I wonder if that's why cows have tails. | ||
| Right? | ||
| I wonder if that's why a lot of animals have tails, to swat the flies away from their shitty, stinky asshole. | ||
| Really, if you think about it, what fucking purpose is a tail serve on a cow? | ||
| Unless it's to swat the fucking flies away. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, it's not balancing it. | ||
| They don't care either. | ||
| Fucking cows, you ever see them? | ||
| They got like smooshed shit all over their whole asses. | ||
| Green cow shit. | ||
| Handle for fucking. | ||
| Terrible. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Good luck. | ||
| There's another way to look at it. | ||
| Good luck. | ||
| Good luck fucking a cow. | ||
| Has there been a guy ever that's fucked a cow? | ||
| For sure, right? | ||
| I am sure every animal on the face of this earth has been fucked by somebody. | ||
| Can you imagine if people could get animals pregnant? | ||
| If people could get animals pregnant, the world would look so strange. | ||
| They'd be half human, half horse, half monkey, half cow, half cats. | ||
| Half beavis. | ||
| We go nuts sometimes when we see, you know, mixing of the races. | ||
| People go crazy. | ||
| Oh! | ||
| Imagine a fucking half-horse person just kind of walking around. | ||
| Yeah, nature figured that shit out. | ||
| Doesn't work out mathematically. | ||
| This does not compute. | ||
| And if it does, even if they're close enough to breed, whatever they breed, whatever they fuck and they have a kid, it becomes sterile. | ||
| Yeah! | ||
| Yeah, like, what, donkeys and mules? | ||
| A mule, a donkey, and a horse. | ||
| Or ligers. | ||
| Ligers are sterile. | ||
| Half lion, half tiger. | ||
| It does seem like there was some type of plan put in place there. | ||
| A little bit. | ||
| You can't do that. | ||
| You could do that, but we're not going to let it go any further. | ||
| That's why it would be really weird. | ||
| And that we won't even let get to that point. | ||
| Like if somebody fucked a chimp and made a... | ||
| What if you could make, like, babies, but the babies couldn't breed? | ||
| Some half person, half chimp. | ||
| Half person. | ||
| I mean, how much different is that than a cow or a tiger fucking a lion? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, that's the idea behind people breeding with Neanderthals, right? | ||
| Right, yeah, yeah. | ||
| They fucked and they made some sort of a half-hybrid human Neanderthal thing. | ||
| That just kind of petered out down the line somewhere. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They were too thick. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You got another note over there? | ||
| I don't know what that is. | ||
| Vice Colombian donkey fucker. | ||
| Oh, yeah, yeah. | ||
| The vice show on the Colombian donkey fucker. | ||
| Those poor bastards. | ||
| He seemed to be enjoying it. | ||
| I saw the clip, and he was a little embarrassed. | ||
| Barely. | ||
| A little embarrassed, but barely, yes. | ||
| But donkey's a convenient size. | ||
| I want to know if someone fucked a giraffe. | ||
| There's gotta be a dude who figured out a way to get a giraffe to come near the tree. | ||
| I think if you're around where there are giraffes, there's so many other fuckable animals. | ||
| Yeah, but there's got to be a guy who had goals. | ||
| There's dudes who climbed Everest. | ||
| There's people who ran a sub four-minute mile. | ||
| There's got to be a guy who fucked everything else. | ||
| It's like, God damn it, I'm going to fuck a giraffe. | ||
| I'm going to do this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ha! | |
| And I want to fuck a live giraffe, because it's not fair if you shoot a giraffe. | ||
| And then fuck it. | ||
| Fuck it while it's still warm. | ||
| It's even ethical. | ||
| It's rude. | ||
| And most of, if the animal's a little taller, I heard about animals being stump broke, where you train them and break them to back up to a stump so you can stand on the stump and fuck them. | ||
| So the animal's stump broke. | ||
| It knows you're backing them into the stump. | ||
| What? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| What kind of animal gets stump broke? | ||
| A horse. | ||
| A horse? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| If you're going to fuck a horse? | ||
| Because I remember... | ||
| Because I used to live out here. | ||
| I actually used to live... | ||
| Well, here is the horse fucking capital. | ||
| Here is the horse fucking capital. | ||
| It is. | ||
| I lived out in San Juan Capistrano. | ||
| And I had horses and everything like that. | ||
| And it was always the joke about who, you know, stump broke their horse. | ||
| Because it implied that you were fucking your horse. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, God. | |
| If it was stump broke. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And then there's that other thing where you'd... | |
| I guess a boot broke was the, you have your boots and you shove the goat or the sheep's back legs in your boots and they couldn't go anywhere. | ||
| And then another one, you were supposed to go to the edge of an embankment or a cliff and push at the sheep and it would back up because it would be afraid of falling off the cliff and it would back right into your dick and you'd get a little action. | ||
| I've heard of that before. | ||
| How insane! | ||
| People get desperate. | ||
| They get desperate. | ||
| I've been without pussy growing up, especially when it was really hard back in the old days to get fucking laid. | ||
| And you're desperate, but you never look around at an alternative live source. | ||
| You'll fuck everything else. | ||
| You grew up in Long Island, right? | ||
| Well, Long Island and out here, but... | ||
| But Long Island, here... | ||
| As a kid, yeah. | ||
| These are places where people are. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| There's a lot of people. | ||
| If you're on a farm somewhere in the middle of Bolivia and there's no one around, you just get on the top of the farmhouse and you look around, you don't see shit for as far as the eye can see, and you look at one of these sheep and you look at the sheep vagina and you go, well... | ||
| Let me just stick my finger in there, Phil. | ||
| You know, Joe, you really do put things in perspective. | ||
| I'm thinking from my own privileged terms. | ||
| You're thinking about an urban scenario. | ||
| Right, where, you know... | ||
| These are desperate fucks living in hard times. | ||
| He knows he's not going to even see a girl. | ||
| Poor bastard. | ||
| You could get a shit roll of the dice and live in the Congo. | ||
| You could just wake up one day and your feet are dirty and your house is made out of twigs. | ||
| That was always the intense fear of the thought that reincarnation might be true. | ||
| And even though no one really remembers who they were in a previous life or who they were going to be in the next or something, you're always like, I don't want to. | ||
| Man, I got a good one this time around. | ||
| I got so fucking lucky. | ||
| New York, United States. | ||
| White male job. | ||
| This fucking is... | ||
| I aced this. | ||
| And then you get reincarnated. | ||
| You got Ebola. | ||
| You're coughing your blood up in front of a fucking guy fucking a goat. | ||
| Or you're a monkey. | ||
| Or a monkey. | ||
| And you know you used to be a person, but you can't talk. | ||
| And you're like... | ||
| And that's all you can do. | ||
| Bummed out. | ||
| That would be a bummer. | ||
| Beaten off. | ||
| Bummed out. | ||
| Do you know what I was? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I was in New York. | |
| I was a white guy. | ||
| I was a white guy who had this whole thing where I was telling chicks no girlfriends. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No girlfriends. | |
| It was great. | ||
| And they still came over. | ||
| It's crazy! | ||
| How many of you think come over because they think, I'm gonna fix him. | ||
| This guy with his no girlfriend bullshit. | ||
| I think so. | ||
| You think? | ||
| I think there have been a few that think like, oh, well, he just hasn't found the right girl. | ||
| And they'll say, they go with it in the beginning, but then they start getting angry with you. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| As they realize, oh, this motherfucker's serious. | ||
| Oh, wait a minute! | ||
| He meant that bullshit! | ||
| A lot of guys say these things, but they can't pull it off. | ||
| No one really means that when they say it. | ||
| Who the fuck do you think you are that you could pull this off? | ||
| They get that. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Who the fuck do you think you are? | ||
| Who the fuck do you think you are? | ||
| Who wants to fuck you, you fucking idiot? | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Meanwhile, they already fucked you. | ||
| Ha ha. | ||
| Rape. | ||
| Wait a minute. | ||
| I take away consent. | ||
| Take away consent after the fact. | ||
| I've taken away consent. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Withdraw. | |
| The troll women have spoken. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Standing on the fucking cliff with a horn. | |
| We found another one! | ||
| Bring him! | ||
| What, are you having fun? | ||
| What, are you living your life by your own rules? | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's it. | |
| Fuck you. | ||
| People don't like that, I guess. | ||
| Do you think, in retrospect, that this whole firing was a good thing? | ||
| Yes, in retrospect. | ||
| At first, I was freaked out. | ||
| It was just before 4th of July. | ||
| 4th of July weekend, I had this big fucking party, and now I gotta entertain people as I'm just bummed. | ||
| Just completely bummed. | ||
| And another thing, when we talk about how dumb people are, and you realize how stupid a lot of the masses are by reading their comments on the internet... | ||
| I took a picture the next day after I got fired, because it was the big party, of my buddy Carlton, who's a black guy. | ||
| And we were in the pool and stuff, and I had my arm around him, and I'm doing a thumbs up, and I'm like, hey, look! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look! | |
| People thought I was seriously... | ||
| They said, you know, the fact that he posts a picture with a black guy to try to let us know, like, look, I have a black friend. | ||
| I was like, but that was the goof! | ||
| I was parodying that! | ||
| Duh! | ||
| You fucking... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Duh. | |
| It doesn't matter even if they know you were doing that. | ||
| They still want to call you out on it because it gives them a license to be upset. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| People are always looking online, especially, for a moment where they're allowed to be mad. | ||
| Isn't that great? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They want to be mad. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Because life sucks. | ||
| For most people. | ||
| Look, it doesn't suck. | ||
| For Anthony, you got a fucking beautiful house. | ||
| You make money. | ||
| You got your own show now. | ||
| But for most people, they're trapped in a job that's unfulfilling. | ||
| They have to listen to a boss or a fucking company. | ||
| That's probably way more restrictive than what Sirius was giving you a hard time for. | ||
| And there's no fucking hope in sight. | ||
| So anytime they get a chance to vent this anger, this frustration, this existential angst at the very life they're fucking trapped in with a majority of your time, all day, all week, is doing shit you hate. | ||
| That's the majority of your life. | ||
| Fuck this guy! | ||
| He thinks he's gonna trick us with his black friend! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck him! | |
| You did describe a great bad life. | ||
| That's a lot of people's lives. | ||
| It was mine until I was about 35 years old. | ||
| It was terrible. | ||
| And then, like, last night, we're flying here in a beautiful new fucking Airbus. | ||
| And the TV is as big as most people's house TVs were a few years back. | ||
| And I'm watching the new Planet of the Apes. | ||
| And I'm sitting in a fully reclined seat... | ||
| hurtling through the cosmos coming here to Los Angeles in time that could only be dreamt about years ago. | ||
| And my screen was fucking up a little bit. | ||
| It kept pausing the movie and then setting it back a little ways and stuff. | ||
| And I had to keep sitting up, pressing it and scrolling back to where I was in the movie. | ||
| And I started for a second to get pissed. | ||
| For a second. | ||
| And then it all started gelling where I was, what I was doing. | ||
| And if I'm getting pissed because my fucking first run movie at 35,000 feet on my way to... | ||
| Joe Rogan's show in Los Angeles isn't working properly. | ||
| Not even not working. | ||
| Just not working good enough for me. | ||
| I should have thrown myself out of the plane, so I didn't allow myself. | ||
| I actually chuckled at myself for starting to get mad. | ||
| You checked your white privilege. | ||
| I did check my white privilege, which I implore all of you to do, please. | ||
| Check your privilege. | ||
| Check your privilege, people. | ||
| That's a big thing that they say on college campuses today. | ||
| Of Of course they do. | ||
| The young kids are being indoctrinated by the hard left that's running these colleges, and the hard left wants you to check your privilege. | ||
| Check your privilege. | ||
| I still don't know what it is, and I've said what I believe white privilege is, and I've gotten a lot of shit for it. | ||
| What do you believe white privilege is? | ||
| I think white privilege is something that isn't a privilege. | ||
| It's been earned over the course of many years. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How dare you? | |
| I know. | ||
| It's something where if you act a certain way, do certain things, you get certain prizes for that. | ||
| Certain gifts. | ||
| You don't get followed in a store. | ||
| Life's not a fucking carnival. | ||
| I know. | ||
| I know. | ||
| But, you know, to be followed in a store, and let me tell you something. | ||
| When I was a kid, when five of me and my friends and everything would go in at eight, nine years old to a candy store, we got followed in the candy store because the fucking guy knew that people that were stealing candy were the eight-year-old fucking kids that would come into his store. | ||
| So he followed us to make sure we didn't steal. | ||
| Uh... | ||
| When people go into stores now and they're followed, they look at the people that have been profiled, yes profiled, over the course of their loss prevention, and say, alright, make sure you keep an eye on these people. | ||
| We can't individually interview everyone that comes in and find out what their character is. | ||
| So let's just take the slice of people... | ||
| That have been doing the most damage to our inventory and follow them around a little. | ||
| Or, you know, follow them with the camera in the back room. | ||
| Black people. | ||
| Yeah, because that's pretty much where we have kind of fallen there in the theft of... | ||
| Of goods at stores. | ||
| I wonder what people want people to do that do live in places where they do get robbed all the time by black people. | ||
| I wonder what they expect the store owners to actually do. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Just ignore it. | ||
| Just let it happen. | ||
| Let it happen. | ||
| Get robbed. | ||
| Get robbed. | ||
| Do you remember those Korean store owners that were fighting back against the Reginald Denny shit during the riots and the Rodney King days? | ||
| Broke out some guns. | ||
| Dude, they had to. | ||
| I mean, there was some crazy shit going on where they had nothing to do with any verdict. | ||
| No, no. | ||
| But it was a free ride. | ||
| It was a free ride. | ||
| And we got to see a very unique and almost... | ||
| Almost, like, accepted form of racial violence during that time, where, like, people were literally targeting white people and attacking them, and no one was being outraged. | ||
| No, there was an excuse for it. | ||
| There was a, well, you got under They understand the frustration. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They're very mad. | |
| They're very angry, very frustrated as they lob that planter over that man's head who's laying on the ground. | ||
| Oh, here comes the toilet bowl lid and there's a lot of blood on the street. | ||
| But the anger is really the story we have to look at here. | ||
| It was accepted completely. | ||
| And I think we saw... | ||
| Sanctioned, even, maybe. | ||
| Yes, sanctioned. | ||
| And we see a lot of stuff that happened in Ferguson. | ||
| What is this? | ||
| It's the LA riots. | ||
| Yeah, the looting. | ||
| That was crazy. | ||
| Looting is a weird thing. | ||
| Like, oh, something went wrong. | ||
| It's time to steal TVs. | ||
| Yes, let's steal some shit. | ||
| I need a couch. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, and it's a very festive thing. | ||
| Like, the reason that the looting goes on is very grim, and it's usually a very awful thing that happened. | ||
| But then the looting itself, everyone's smiling. | ||
| Like, they come out, whoa! | ||
| They're, like, holding stuff up. | ||
| No one's mad anymore. | ||
| Maybe it helps. | ||
| Maybe it helps. | ||
| It alleviates tension. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| It's a real tension breaker. | ||
| He's dancing. | ||
| He's just dancing around. | ||
| Is he looting, though? | ||
| He seems to be just dancing. | ||
| Yeah, they're stealing this huge drill. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| It's like a bandsaw. | ||
| It's like a bandsaw, right? | ||
| What are you going to do with a bandsaw? | ||
| They're dragging it on the ground. | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| It's always been my dream to make little wooden whales. | ||
| Try selling that. | ||
| Yeah, where are you gonna get a bandsaw? | ||
| Yo, man, can you guys deliver it? | ||
| No, you gotta come get it, homie. | ||
| We dragged that shit 15 blocks. | ||
| They're throwing up gang signs where they're stealing. | ||
| Gang signs. | ||
| That's pretty good. | ||
| L.A. riots. | ||
| But I will never forget that photo or the video rather of Reginald Denny getting pulled out of his truck and then that guy took that brick and just smashed him in the head with it. | ||
| And then did a little victory dance. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And Reginald Denny was just a truck driver. | ||
| He didn't do anything. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| He wasn't a cop. | ||
| He didn't beat anybody. | ||
| He just happened to be white. | ||
| I'll tell you what he did wrong. | ||
| Stepped on the brakes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That Yeah, right? | ||
| Double clutching right through there. | ||
| Don't you have a lock? | ||
| What are you doing? | ||
| Yeah, what are you doing getting out? | ||
| This is the video. | ||
| Oh, there it is. | ||
| Awful, awful shit. | ||
| I remember watching this live. | ||
| Poor bastard. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Taked way earlier. | ||
| They just... | ||
|
unidentified
|
See how the tape goes. | |
| When things go bad and people start rioting, they just completely lose their humanity. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah. | |
| It's something that happens to human beings when you get too much of us together and they're mad about something and chaos is going on, like people are smashing shit and stealing shit. | ||
| It's just all the rules go out the window. | ||
| Everybody accepts it. | ||
| They call it a mob mentality, but I think it's more than just a mental thing. | ||
| I actually think there's a physical... | ||
| Like pheromones, or there's something that's thrown off by people in a group like that that just makes everyone rabid. | ||
| Yeah, look at everybody chasing after the cars, and the cars are slowing down. | ||
| Like, some cars, they're leaving alone, but other cars have white people in them. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| So they're chasing after the white people, I assume. | ||
| I would assume, too. | ||
| Did Reginald Danny's truck just break down or something? | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Seems like it, doesn't it? | ||
| Because it doesn't seem like he would just stop right there. | ||
| Maybe people were in the crosswalk. | ||
| You know, you don't know. | ||
| I don't think you think this is going to happen to you. | ||
| So maybe he stopped to let people go through the crosswalk. | ||
| Yeah, right? | ||
| Something. | ||
| Oh, boy. | ||
| They beat the fuck out of that, dude. | ||
| They really did. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And he was driving. | |
| He was driving real slow. | ||
| So I told him... | ||
| That moved to the side to have a seat if I could take him to the hospital. | ||
| But did you pick him up off the street all by yourself and get him See, this is the other part that they have to do. | ||
| It's like, well, let's show who took them to the hospital. | ||
| A black gentleman. | ||
| Let's show that everybody that they're not all bad. | ||
| Did this last more than one day? | ||
| I can't remember. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, this went on. | ||
| There were many deaths, too. | ||
| Well, Anthony Bourdain's show was fascinating about this because they talked to the Korean folks. | ||
| They talked to some of the people that had... | ||
| Shops that had been raided. | ||
| I feel sorry for your mother. | ||
| Koreatown got fucked. | ||
| Koreatown got fucked, but there was a line of cops protecting Beverly Hills. | ||
| Right, yeah. | ||
| There was cop cars literally down the streets. | ||
| Whoa, this is fucking nuts, man. | ||
| This is Koreatown. | ||
| Well, wouldn't you? | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Everything's on fire in Korea. | ||
| Yeah, well, they were also getting mad at Koreans that were on top of the roofs with rifles. | ||
| People had shotguns and shit, and they were protecting their businesses. | ||
| It's like, yeah, they were protecting Beverly Hills and the wealthy areas, but it's like, what do you put in your safe in your own house? | ||
| You don't put, you know, fucking candy bars in there. | ||
| You put your valuables in there. | ||
| It's the same thing. | ||
| They want the valuable stuff protected. | ||
| Yeah, and the people that are spending all the money, paying all the taxes. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| It's just a larger scale of your own personal little life. | ||
| You want to protect your investment. | ||
| What do you think would happen if the fucking raids and the people that were going crazy, if they went into Beverly Hills, start pulling people out of their houses and shit? | ||
| You would have absolutely seen the National Guard start just shooting people like it was Vietnam. | ||
| Probably, right? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| That just would have been unheard of. | ||
| Isn't that fucked, though? | ||
| The Korean people can get fucked over like that, but the moment they move into the Jewish neighborhoods and start yanking people out of their houses in the white neighborhoods. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah. | |
| That would be crazy. | ||
| Again, though, it's, you know, it's... | ||
| It's cost-effective to protect the wealthy neighborhoods. | ||
| It's still fucked, though. | ||
| You know, you're using your police resources to protect your other resources. | ||
| There's a price on everything. | ||
| Do you feel like now, when situations come up, a racial situation, you have more freedom? | ||
| You don't have this, like... | ||
| Filter that you throw up like you would have to like pause before you would talk about there's certain things like this What we're just talking about like there's certain people that would might think it'd be racist if we're showing that they're attacking this guy Simply because he's white yeah by exposing an obvious incident of pure racism pulling a guy out because he's white hit him in the head with a brick and You're being racist because you're commenting on that and not taking it all into perspective. | ||
| What about the context, Anthony, of their life in the disenfranchised Los Angeles neighborhood? | ||
| Exactly, but then we have a nice debate, a nice little talk about it. | ||
| That can be done. | ||
| Why should one side be silenced? | ||
| And I do feel more freedom to talk openly and not have to walk on so many eggshells when I'm trying to present a point. | ||
| Well, that was what the most fucked up thing about you getting fired was. | ||
| You didn't even have an opportunity to go on the radio and talk about it. | ||
| No. | ||
| And one of the things that I've talked about on the show before a hundred times, like... | ||
| Your style of talking, which is entertaining, is to rant and say crazy shit and swear a lot, and that's exactly what you were doing. | ||
| That's what I was doing. | ||
| I guess, like you said, if you put quotes around it and print it, it doesn't look... | ||
| Yeah, it looks different. | ||
| It looks a lot different. | ||
| But if you were on the show, and you were doing that, and then Jimmy Norton starts doing Uncle Paul... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes, exactly. | |
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| It was nothing different than I'd done on their very airwaves for many years. | ||
| And for them to throw me out over that, it was ridiculous. | ||
| It made no sense whatsoever. | ||
| And to demand an apology. | ||
| Who demanded an apology? | ||
| Well, there have been some people who have demanded apologies. | ||
| Some people that think I should have apologized, let's say. | ||
| Not so much demanded them, but think I should have apologized. | ||
| And I have always stuck to the point that if I do something wrong, I have and will apologize for it. | ||
| I was assaulted. | ||
| In New York City. | ||
| I was hit about the head. | ||
| If people don't know the story, there are certain people I'm sure that are listening to this that don't know the story. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| So let's give them the whole brief of the story. | ||
| I was out. | ||
| I was taking some pictures, early morning pictures of Manhattan. | ||
| And I posted all the pictures that I took. | ||
| I wasn't just creeping girls like some people said. | ||
| Manhattan's an amazing place at four in the morning. | ||
| It's a giant lit up city with barely anyone in it. | ||
| And the people that are in it are a little off, including myself, because I was there with a camera. | ||
| And I was taking pictures. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| And it's not groundbreaking. | ||
| I mean, other people have taken amazing pictures of New York City very early in the morning. | ||
| So I was doing that, and I took pictures of a few of the ladies of the evening that walk around, strippers that were leaving some of the strip clubs, hookers, whatever. | ||
| They're hot. | ||
| It looks great as they're walking on a wet street with the lights behind them and a nice shallow depth of field. | ||
| I mean, it just looks like a fucking amazing picture. | ||
| So I took a picture of this one... | ||
| A woman that was walking down the street, and again, it was very early in the morning, very quiet, and it's a big fucking Canon camera with my iPhone, and she hears the shutter clicking and turns around to look, and she goes, uh-uh, you white motherfucker, don't you take my fucking picture! | ||
| And she's coming at me, you know? | ||
| So I rattle off a couple of more pictures, because she's coming at me, and just punches me right in the face. | ||
| Just punches me right in the face. | ||
| No ifs, ands, or buts. | ||
| And I'm like, what the fuck are you doing? | ||
| Don't take my picture. | ||
| I was like, well, you could have said that. | ||
| So we get into a little argument about that. | ||
| I call her cunt. | ||
| And she just keeps hitting me. | ||
| And now out of the woodwork, like fucking Walking Dead, five black guys just start kind of... | ||
| Kind of walking around, looking at the scene. | ||
| And one says, you best not touch that girl. | ||
| And I had my hand up. | ||
| I was just using my forearm to kind of let her bang into. | ||
| I wasn't pushing her away or anything. | ||
| I just was trying to keep her at a distance so I could see her fucking hands. | ||
| And she just was punching me in the side of the head. | ||
| It didn't hurt, but it was annoying me that she was doing this. | ||
| And then that's when I said one of the most embarrassing things I think I ever said. | ||
| I said to one of the black guys, I said, back off, this ain't your show! | ||
| I'm Sergeant Barnes. | ||
| Back off this ain't your show. | ||
| This ain't your show. | ||
| Yeah, I'm Sergeant Barnes from Platoon. | ||
| Did you drop any N-bombs? | ||
| No, no. | ||
| That's one thing. | ||
| And I didn't drop any in any of my tweets or anything. | ||
| I just didn't. | ||
| So who said that you did? | ||
| Someone said that you did drop an N-bomb. | ||
| There were plenty of people that said I did. | ||
| Yeah, people. | ||
| More shit gets made up in those situations. | ||
| So I said, I'm going to get a fucking cop. | ||
| And she goes, get a cop. | ||
| I'll just say you were sexually harassing me. | ||
| So now I'm like, I'm looking around. | ||
| There wasn't any cops. | ||
| I wasn't exactly in Times Square. | ||
| I was a little north of Times Square at that point. | ||
| And I'm waiting to see a cop car just to flag him down and tell him that this fucking bitch is pounding me on the side of the head. | ||
| But no cops showed up. | ||
| So we kind of break up a little bit. | ||
| And I just start walking back to my apartment. | ||
| And I'm pissed. | ||
| And now within minutes of what happened, I'm actually communicating to the outside world. | ||
| Which years ago, you would have time to cool off, and then you'd maybe get on your phone at home, call your friend and say, this fucking bitch was smacking me in the head. | ||
| But now minutes after, I still got the adrenaline going. | ||
| I'm angry. | ||
| I'm pissed that this happened, and I'm voicing it on Twitter. | ||
| And this is what got me in trouble. | ||
| And I say, I think my biggest crime here... | ||
| Was the fact that I was talking about the incident and how pissed I was, and then I also added a little social commentary to the same conversation. | ||
| So people put both of those together and got the impression I was talking about all black people. | ||
| Anthony said all black people are violent. | ||
| I said no. | ||
| I said there's a problem with violence in some segments of the black community, which has been addressed by black leaders, reverends, pastors, community leaders. | ||
| It's just been out there. | ||
| But you didn't check your white privilege. | ||
| I didn't check my white privilege and I brought it up that there was a problem. | ||
| I said, why did this woman jump instantly from zero to physical violence? | ||
| There wasn't a talk. | ||
| I mean, I could think of a lot of situations where I would take a picture and someone might go, hey, I don't want my picture taken. | ||
| And I'd be, okay, whatever. | ||
| Without them instantly coming and resolution number one is punch the person in the face. | ||
| That's one on the list. | ||
| It's astounding. | ||
| But she was probably a hooker, right? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| I'm thinking she was a hooker. | ||
| Yeah, but I also took a picture of a white hooker, and it turned out to be a beautiful picture. | ||
| It was great. | ||
| It was amazing. | ||
| And she didn't punch me in the face, and she knew I was taking the picture, and she didn't mind. | ||
| I got a picture of a black hooker once, where she pulled her tit out while she's eating a meatball sub. | ||
| It's one of the best pictures I've ever taken in my life. | ||
| See if you can find it, Brian. | ||
| It must have been hung up somewhere. | ||
| Well, it's in my wall. | ||
| I took it with an old phone too, like a Motorola flip phone at the time. | ||
| It wasn't a very good camera. | ||
| Probably wasn't even a one megapixel camera. | ||
| But the pictures, it looks like fake. | ||
| It was the subject that really brought it. | ||
| You don't need good equipment when you have a great subject like that. | ||
| She's fat, she had a big giant tit, she was eating a meatball sub, and she wore a wig. | ||
| So all this was going on, and we're in downtown LA. It's like one of the best pictures I've ever taken in my life. | ||
| It sounds it. | ||
| And she was so happy, though. | ||
| She was so happy. | ||
| She didn't try to hit me at all. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| I just go, can I take a picture? | ||
| She goes, go ahead, baby. | ||
| And she pulls her tit out. | ||
| And I took the picture, and she had the sub in her hand. | ||
| She pulled her tit out. | ||
| That's great. | ||
| It was her idea. | ||
| See? | ||
| Good for her. | ||
| Yeah, nobody got hit. | ||
| No one gets hit. | ||
| I wasn't armed, though. | ||
| That's the other thing. | ||
| Yeah, that was the other thing that came up. | ||
| Well, SiriusXM fired me because they said it wasn't the racial thing. | ||
| They said it was the violent tone of some of my tweets. | ||
| And it was because I said, I fucking hope she mouths off to some homeboy like that and he shoots her in the face. | ||
| That's what I said. | ||
| Because at that point, that's what I wanted. | ||
| Because if this bitch is going to be just mouthing off and smacking people, I'm sure she's going to get her ass handed to her at some point if she mouths off to the wrong person. | ||
| I, on the other hand, didn't hit her back. | ||
| Like I said, I put my forearm up to just keep her from getting closer to me, but that was the only contact, and it was her banging against my arm saying, don't touch me, and punching me in the face. | ||
| So, the violent tone of my tweet is what they didn't like. | ||
| Meanwhile, yes, I am privileged to be able to exercise my actual right, Second Amendment right to bear arms and carry a concealed weapon. | ||
| In the city of New York. | ||
| Yeah, you're one of the very rare people. | ||
| I mean, if she wanted to punch some dude in the head that's not a cop and think, what are the odds this guy has a fucking license to carry a pistol? | ||
| Yeah, a legal license to carry a pistol. | ||
| How long did it take you to get that? | ||
| It was a good year, I guess. | ||
| A year and thousands of dollars. | ||
| And I had to fess up with every bit of record of my entire life, pretty much. | ||
| Like, here. | ||
| Here's my tax forms. | ||
| Here's anything I ever did, including a ticket and how it was resolved in 1988. Like a speeding ticket or like a parking ticket? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Like a parking ticket. | ||
| No, not parking ticket. | ||
| Speeding ticket. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Anything. | ||
| You just put it in front of them. | ||
| Because if they find something you didn't include, they will say, whoop, nope! | ||
| So you're playing this weird puzzle game with them to try to get this. | ||
| And then you need a lawyer. | ||
| You can't go in there yourself. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| So you've got to retain a lawyer for probably five Gs. | ||
| You need to get a lawyer to try to get a concealed carry permit? | ||
| A gun lawyer. | ||
| A gun lawyer. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There she is. | ||
| That's my girl. | ||
| That is fantastic. | ||
| We put a picture over her boobs, so it's legal. | ||
| Yeah, but I can make it out. | ||
| It's Ann Coulter over her boobs. | ||
| It's Ann Coulter on her... | ||
| But look at that. | ||
| Come on. | ||
| That is the greatest picture I've ever taken in my life. | ||
| That is a good one. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| That girl, she was a real woman, and she was happy. | ||
| She was laughing. | ||
| That is something. | ||
| Wow! | ||
| That's great. | ||
| I hate this, though. | ||
| Tracy Morgan. | ||
| And she's got a fucking meatball sandwich. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, I do, too. | |
| She has a meatball sandwich in her hand. | ||
| I mean, it's just an amazing picture. | ||
| Hey, she's got to eat. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What are you going to do? | ||
| It's just as good as a picture gets. | ||
| So it takes a long time, a lot of effort, and I think they bank on the fact that a lot of people aren't going to go to that length. | ||
| And they've turned down a lot of people. | ||
| Someone did an article a few years back on who they turned down, and it was a lot of people on the Mets and some radio personalities and some pretty big celebrities. | ||
| So what did you say? | ||
| Did you have to have a reason that you wanted it? | ||
| It's pretty good if you have a reason. | ||
| Personal protection, being famous. | ||
| Yeah, I get a lot of death threats. | ||
| Save them up. | ||
| Save them, have that. | ||
| You bring those in and stuff. | ||
| Like a threat assessment. | ||
| A threat assessment done by a security guy. | ||
| And yeah, you get these letters. | ||
| I get letters mailed directly to my house that have just all kinds of Nazi propaganda and, you know, just weird shit. | ||
| To your house. | ||
| To my house. | ||
| So they know where you live. | ||
| It's fucking 2014. You could find out where anyone lives now. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's a secret. | ||
| When you have all this stuff, you bring it to them and you say, look, these are the threats that I get. | ||
| You let your lawyer do it. | ||
| You let the lawyer do it. | ||
| You give him everything he asks for. | ||
| The lawyer knows what to ask for. | ||
| It actually shows that you were a good risk to give that sort of a license to. | ||
| That's what they're doing. | ||
| Because you got hit. | ||
| By this woman, and you never once escalated. | ||
| I never even thought about it. | ||
| Because it's a huge fucking responsibility, having a gun. | ||
| It's something that you never not think about. | ||
| You need to know that you have this on you, and that kind of leads you into how you handle certain situations. | ||
| Right. | ||
| What would you have done if those guys, the five guys that were circling... | ||
| Back off! | ||
| It's not your show! | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| If those guys came in... | ||
| I'd have probably just tried to run. | ||
| Run into Times Square where there were cops. | ||
| Like, if... | ||
| If you're like... | ||
| If you're going, I have no way out of this. | ||
| I am fucked and I am going to die. | ||
| Then the gun comes out. | ||
| So you would run... | ||
| I would run my ass off. | ||
| And if they were chasing you and they grabbed a hold of you... | ||
| Once they grab a hold of you, again, yeah, it's... | ||
| Life-threatening situations are very fluid. | ||
| They change by the second. | ||
| So based on what's happening at that very second, if you use deadly physical force, you might be fucked or you might be justified. | ||
| That's how crazy it is to try to get a hypothetical involved. | ||
| The legality of it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So if you're in that situation and she's hitting you and they close in and you just pull the gun out. | ||
| Yeah, that's brandishing. | ||
| It could work. | ||
| It could get you in more trouble. | ||
| Someone else could pull one out and go, yeah, I got one of those too, motherfucker. | ||
| You know, you're put in a weird situation where it absolutely is the last ditch effort to save your life, is that gun. | ||
| It's not your first fucking way to try to save yourself. | ||
| I'm not saying that your control is amazing because you didn't shoot her, but your control is pretty amazing that you didn't hit her. | ||
| You didn't do anything to harm her. | ||
| I didn't feel like I was really being injured. | ||
| She was hitting me with those kind of girl fists. | ||
| She had to make her fists weird because she had the long nails, so she really couldn't make a fist. | ||
| And then she was kind of doing the side of the head thing, like my ears a little and my cheek. | ||
| She wasn't really boxing me, you know? | ||
| So I never felt like I was on the verge of being knocked out or even injured. | ||
| So I was able to keep going and keep reassessing as it went on and realize I'm being kind of dumb staying in this situation. | ||
| Let me break this off and go home. | ||
| A lot of people, though, once they get hit, that switch flips, and then they hit back. | ||
| If it was a guy, I would have reacted in a second and hit him back. | ||
| And that sounds like, yeah, let me tell you, if it was a dude, I'd have been all over it. | ||
| I'd have at least thrown a punch or something. | ||
| Turned him into a woman. | ||
| But you can't punch a girl. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I would have loved to. | ||
| I'd have loved to punch her right in the fucking face. | ||
| Would have... | ||
| Made me so happy! | ||
| But would you have punched her in the face if she was punching you? | ||
| If she was like... | ||
| If she was really punching me? | ||
| Yeah, if she had like her knuckles up and she was fucking trying to knock you out. | ||
| Yeah, I would have to have done some defending. | ||
| So I... I don't know. | ||
| I give you a lot of what ifs. | ||
| That's a hard situation because when you're in it, you know... | ||
| Just from fighting, when you're in it, it's different than when you're thinking what you would do in a fight. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| Everyone thinks it's going to be like some fucking action movie fight. | ||
| That's where leg kicks come in. | ||
| Because it's like you're not even hitting her in the head, just one solid one right above the knee, that meaty part, the shin. | ||
| Slam! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Slam! | |
| Just one. | ||
| One fucking really hard leg kick. | ||
| Nobody expects that. | ||
| No, no. | ||
| A chick in high heels, too. | ||
| Boom! | ||
| Turn the hip over. | ||
| Get all that weight into it. | ||
| Then I might have to deal with her five little helpers there. | ||
| That would have been a problem. | ||
| True. | ||
| You did the right thing. | ||
| You know, I was really waiting for a fucking cop. | ||
| I would have loved to have had a cop drive by and go, hey, you know, but I had to just, you know, whatever, and kind of backed off and started walking home. | ||
| And tweeting. | ||
| And tweeting my anger that gets me fired. | ||
| And then the thought that I should apologize, that anyone that just heard the story secondhand or anything thinks that I should then apologize for anything I tweeted in that angry moment. | ||
| Twitter isn't a fucking representation of anything but how I'm feeling at that moment that I'm tweeting. | ||
| It's an open forum of that. | ||
| It's just not a good forum for you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Because you're so animated and verbal. | ||
| But it should be. | ||
| I should be allowed to post just outrageous things, as should anybody. | ||
| And if it captures the mood I'm in, then deal with it. | ||
| This is what just happened to me. | ||
| Holy fuck. | ||
| Read this and you could really feel how Anthony feels right now. | ||
| Or this guy or that guy based on what that feels. | ||
| Why is that bad? | ||
| Why is it so bad? | ||
| I don't think I hurt anyone's feelings. | ||
| To be honest, I've gotten into many debates with people and didn't use a horrible language or insult anybody. | ||
| And I pissed them off just by debating them. | ||
| So by really expressing how angry I was at that moment, how is that a bad thing? | ||
| How is that a firing offense? | ||
| Well, they just protect their brand. | ||
| That's all it is. | ||
| Any criticism that might be able to come their way might drop down their stock. | ||
| They're all about... | ||
| Brand of uncensored, unrestrained entertainment. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We're wild! | |
| Look out, we're crazy! | ||
| We got how it stands! | ||
| We got Joel Osteen doing his religious show on the fucking channel now. | ||
| Who's that? | ||
| Who's Joel Osteen? | ||
| Osteen? | ||
| I don't know, but they've been playing commercials for him non-stop on Sirius. | ||
| He's one of these Christian church guys that get everybody to put their hands up in big arenas and close their eyes. | ||
| It's fucking insane. | ||
| It's insane. | ||
| And he now has a show on Sirius. | ||
| And I'm like, why? | ||
| He's a huckster. | ||
| Yes, a fucking huckster. | ||
| One of those guys... | ||
| So they're stealing money from people by using this huckster, because I'm sure the huckster asks for donations. | ||
| Of course! | ||
| Donations. | ||
| Arenas full of misguided people with their hands stretched up to God, their eyes closed, crying their eyes out. | ||
| Poor kids that you see standing next to these mutants thinking they're fucked, they don't even have a chance. | ||
| Did you ever see Jesus Camp? | ||
| Oh yeah. | ||
| What a great documentary that is. | ||
| That is a fantastic one. | ||
| The woman justifying the fact that they're training these kids because in Islamic countries they're training these kids to be jihadists. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So we need to do that with Christians. | ||
| Really? | ||
| What? | ||
| Really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck. | |
| Do we? | ||
| Is that the solution? | ||
| We need Christian suicide bombers? | ||
| I played a clip of some church gathering, and there was this guy dressed like one of the dancers from the old Lawrence Welk show. | ||
| And he had two girls, women, next to him, similarly dressed. | ||
| And they were doing this song and dance number to, like, some weird hip-hop beat. | ||
| And they were white, as fucking white could be. | ||
| And it was about Jesus and everything. | ||
| And then I played some ISIS videos, and I'm like, see, this is what they're doing, and this is what we're doing, and I swear to you, I don't know what's more dangerous or horrific to watch. | ||
| It's like, that's our version of extremists, religious extremists. | ||
| It's just this, everything is God. | ||
| You ever hang out with somebody that is a born-again, like, completely into God and Jesus, and it's 24 hours a day? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, I'm into a lot of shit, and I'm really heavy into a lot of shit, but I take a break sometimes. | ||
| I love my radio-control helicopters. | ||
| You love Beavis? | ||
| I love Beavis, and we talked about Little Beav and stuff, but- You love guns? | ||
| I love guns! | ||
| But, you know what? | ||
| It's not 24 hours a day, but you hang out with... | ||
| That's why you can't hang out with people like that. | ||
| You'd like to think, like, hey, he's got his beliefs. | ||
| I'm cool with that. | ||
| We'll hang out, play some cards and stuff. | ||
| Jesus would have fucking folded a Jack 8 offsuit. | ||
| I... Have you ever seen Jim Caviezel? | ||
| Jim Caviezel, the guy who played The Passion of Christ, he played Jesus. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| He's fucking all in. | ||
| All in for Jesus. | ||
| Was he before? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Or did doing the movie do it? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| That was pretty intense. | ||
| One or the other. | ||
| One or the other. | ||
| He might have been before and he's more so now, but he does these interviews with these religious shows and starts talking about how it hurt him in Hollywood, his religious beliefs and his belief in Jesus and his belief in God. | ||
| Like, no, no, no. | ||
| This hurt you. | ||
| This right here what you're doing. | ||
| You're on a show, a wacky Jesus show, and you're talking about the impending apocalypse. | ||
| You're talking about Armageddon and the fucking Reckoning. | ||
| My favorite, though, in this day and age now, and it's relatively new for the... | ||
| Religious community is the people and dinosaurs. | ||
| That is my favorite thing. | ||
| Do you know what Sarah Palin said when she was running, she was in Alaska, she told a school teacher up there that dinosaurs and people live together. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And that she saw a photo on the internet of a footprint, a human footprint inside a dinosaur footprint. | ||
| Aw, that's nice. | ||
| At Disney World. | ||
| And the human said, dinosaur, why did you abandon me during my most needful times? | ||
| And the dinosaur said, no, that's when I was carrying you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Aw. | |
| Footprints. | ||
| Dinosaur footprints in the sand. | ||
| Hashtag dinosaur footprints. | ||
| Dinosaur footprints. | ||
| Has there been any pests, though, that have seen this street lady or any officers that go, you know, that looks like a girl we arrested a couple weeks ago, or nothing. | ||
| Nothing. | ||
| Surveillance footage or nothing. | ||
| People have said to me, I'm so surprised she hasn't come forward and tried to get something from this or anything, and I know she knows nothing. | ||
| She has no clue what she has wrought She's just some fucking dumb hooker who knows nothing about the news, knows nothing about what's going on in the world. | ||
| She knows money and dick. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's it. | |
| You know her corner now and her time that she works at. | ||
| They move around. | ||
| She might be dead. | ||
| She might be dead. | ||
| She might be, you know, whatever. | ||
| Hookers don't last long. | ||
| Maybe some homie shot her in the face. | ||
| Oh my goodness. | ||
| He's laughing about it. | ||
| You're getting fired again now. | ||
| I know. | ||
| You should fire yourself for that. | ||
| Fire myself. | ||
| I was saying, since it's my own show now, the Anthony Cumia show, I'm never taking vacation. | ||
| I'm going to say something so outrageous and then suspend myself for a week. | ||
| That way I can go away, come back and go, fucking boss! | ||
| What an asshole! | ||
| What an asshole. | ||
| Do you have any desire to try to go back with Opie and Jimmy? | ||
| Do you try to talk them into your sweet side of the woods that you're in now? | ||
| Well, when they were still working out a contract, because their contract went until October. | ||
| Which they just re-signed. | ||
| So they did? | ||
| They did re-sign. | ||
| But I got fired in July. | ||
| So from July to October, there was a lot of speculation. | ||
| What's going to happen in October when the contract's up? | ||
| Are they going to re-sign those two? | ||
| Are they going to bring Anthony back? | ||
| Are they just going to tell everyone to go fuck themselves? | ||
| And Jimmy and Opie were under contract, so they couldn't just leave. | ||
| That's a fucking breach. | ||
| They couldn't just leave because I was fired. | ||
| But they did re-sign. | ||
| I think they... | ||
| They squeeze more money out of them. | ||
| I think it was very easy to take my money. | ||
| You could take half of my money, divvy that up, give it to Jimmy and Opie. | ||
| Now they pocket the rest. | ||
| Jimmy and Opie are like, hey, we got a raise, and the show's fucking on the air. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So, you know, I don't fault them for it at all, but I wasn't sure what was going to happen in October. | ||
| And that's why I was so adamant about getting this up and running so fast, as was Keith. | ||
| I was mourning on the couch for like two, three days after I was fired. | ||
| I'm like, fuck. | ||
| Oh, fuck, fuck. | ||
| And Keith comes over and he's like, asshole, you got a fucking studio in your basement. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Come on. | |
| That is so true. | ||
| Chop, chop. | ||
| You already had it set up. | ||
| I was the crazy guy that was building the bomb shelter that all the neighbors pointed and laughed at that are banging on the door when the bombs are dropping. | ||
| Hey! | ||
| Let us in! | ||
| Have you thought about doing something in Manhattan, though? | ||
| Because it's probably tough to get people to come out to Long Island, right? | ||
| It is tougher to get people out on Long Island. | ||
| We've had to send cars for people. | ||
| But I've had a few pretty fun guests. | ||
| Andrew Dice Clay came out with his whole family. | ||
| Big fat fucking ass! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah! | |
| Oh, gosh! | ||
| And he demanded a super stretch limo. | ||
| He demanded? | ||
| Like it was the 80s. | ||
| Oh, that's awesome. | ||
| Like, who does that anymore? | ||
| Is this a white limo? | ||
| I ask for a black one. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I want the sunroof so I can poke out like the kid in Big. | |
| That fucking Dyson's genius. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That is a genius Dyson person. | |
| So he came over with his whole family and we did the good thing about this is it's my fucking house and I could put the cameras anywhere so I set the cameras up at the back table by the pool. | ||
| And we did the whole interview outside. | ||
| I got some really hot girl to attend bar, a little rollout bar by the pool, and she just kept coming over and serving drinks and stuff like that. | ||
| And it was just a fun, real relaxed hang. | ||
| The little waterfall of the pool and everything made a really cool atmosphere. | ||
| And then Colin Quinn, I had him over, and I set the cameras up by the bar that I got in the house. | ||
| So we were just sitting there at the bar, and it wasn't like... | ||
| It doesn't have to be in the studio, is what it is. | ||
| I want to have Kevin Pollack come in at some point and do that from the movie theater and play like an old Columbo episode and we'll just talk and then every so often refer to the show because he does an amazing Columbo. | ||
| It's hilarious. | ||
| And just fuck around like that. | ||
| My whole house has become... | ||
| Location. | ||
| I could do it anywhere. | ||
| The cameras, are they remote? | ||
| How do they work? | ||
| I have big, fucking expensive cameras, and I have lines that I just run down to the TriCaster in the studio. | ||
| They're not portable. | ||
| We're actually talking about doing high-def photos, or high-def video, but you prefer the TriCaster? | ||
| You think that's the way to go? | ||
| The one I have, I'm pretty satisfied with it. | ||
| I'm always looking into something, see what it is, but I like the control, I like the fact that I can roll video and audio, and it's very easy, integrates well with my computers and stuff. | ||
| Yeah, I kind of like it. | ||
| So you run it down to the TriCaster and someone else is working it down in the basement where the studio is? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And then you have the cameras that are just operated on long cords? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| I run them right out, you know, through my oil burner closet, out in the vent, and I'm out in the backyard. | ||
| But we're having the whole thing set up where I have... | ||
| Sockets where I could plug them in and then we go outside. | ||
| There'll be a little bay where I could pop all my jacks in and get everything done. | ||
| That's nice. | ||
| Yeah, so I could put it anywhere. | ||
| But I am going to get a wireless also. | ||
| So it will put the video signal wirelessly so I could do something from the jacuzzi and shit like that. | ||
| Because we're having a... | ||
| Laney's bringing one of our porn stars very soon. | ||
| Yeah, so we're going to... | ||
| I want to do it. | ||
| Naked from the fucking jacuzzi. | ||
| Naked. | ||
| I want to just fucking turn on some bubbles so we can keep it family-friendly, sorta, except for her tits just sticking out there. | ||
| And then, you know, do it like that. | ||
| What do you stream it with? | ||
| What service do you use? | ||
| It goes through livestream, but then it also goes to servers that we have set up with some guys down in Tennessee. | ||
| It's very, very crazy. | ||
| The logistics of this was the hardest part, because I already had the studio built, pretty much. | ||
| It was weird, because it was a trial and error. | ||
| Over the course of years that I'd been building this, so I usually set something up, it worked, or I wanted something better. | ||
| I'm like, fuck, rip that out, put something else in. | ||
| And I was constantly building it, and it just looked like linguine all over the floor, wires everywhere. | ||
| And then when we got this rolling, we got some tech guys in there to kind of rip it apart and put it back together again the way it's supposed to be. | ||
| But for the most part, everything was already there, except for that, you know, we could do the show. | ||
| Now we've got to get it out to the masses. | ||
| And there were going to be a lot of people that needed to get this immediately, so we didn't want crash issues and things like that. | ||
| Are you having a hard time growing it because it's a pay service? | ||
| Because I'm sure you got an initial rush, right? | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| You get that initial rush, and then it's constantly growing, though. | ||
| Initially, it really took off. | ||
| Got a lot of subscribers. | ||
| And I needed to do a subscriber-based show because I knew I had an audience. | ||
| I was keeping it cheap enough. | ||
| I wasn't going to charge people a lot of money for the show. | ||
| What are you, like $6 a month or something like that? | ||
| It's $7 a month. | ||
| And then if you do six months, it goes down to like $6. | ||
| And then a year, it's like $5 a month. | ||
| So it's relatively cheap. | ||
| $60 a year. | ||
| It's like $0.48 an episode. | ||
| And those poor little African kids... | ||
| That takes like 50. So it's cheaper than feeding starving African children. | ||
| That's my slogan, by the way. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How rude. | |
| That's my slogan. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How rude. | |
| It is rude. | ||
| But I kept the cost low. | ||
| I kept the cost low and... | ||
| Are you happy with the growth? | ||
| It's growing well? | ||
| Yes, yeah. | ||
| I'm very happy with the way things... | ||
| I would love, you know, hey, here's another fucking 100,000 people. | ||
| Let's get them all on board right now. | ||
| But it takes time after you get that initial boost. | ||
| What made you decide to go subscription-based instead of decide to have advertisers? | ||
| Well, I'm kind of doing both. | ||
| Because I'm a greedy fuck. | ||
| So I do reads during the show. | ||
| I have a few live reads. | ||
| Just a couple, actually. | ||
| And then we have other ways that we're advertising on the website and things like that that aren't quite... | ||
| But we also have the ability with the video to pop up those intrusive little things like you see on TBS. Coming up, Seinfeld! | ||
| Those can be sold. | ||
| The video screen behind me with a logo. | ||
| And the great thing that the advertisers like is they can send videos of their stuff over and play it as I'm doing the read. | ||
| And most of them don't care what I do. | ||
| So we got this guy, Dale Bondanza. | ||
| He does this dalebondanza.com and he's this... | ||
| I'm a former fat guy that got skinny and he calls himself a former fat fuck. | ||
| But I just decided to, you know, hey, it's Dale Bond Danza! | ||
| It's an extravidanza! | ||
| Based on the old Tony Danza bit from years ago. | ||
| And he loves it. | ||
| Like, they just... | ||
| The advertisers know, and I'm not tied to them. | ||
| They know if I do something they don't like, that I could just say, well, later. | ||
| I forgot about that Tony Danza bit. | ||
| You fucking killed me once. | ||
| There was an audio of this old lady who was in love with Tony Danza. | ||
| And you were talking about getting her into the green room. | ||
| She was online for the Tony Danza talk show that was on for a week or two. | ||
| And she was online waiting outside at one of the studios in Manhattan. | ||
| And E-Rock went down with a phone... | ||
| He went down the line and said, you want to talk to Tony? | ||
| And they were like, yeah, yeah. | ||
| So he hands her the phone, and I was like, well, this is Tony. | ||
| How are you doing? | ||
| And she thought it was Tony Danza. | ||
| And the conversation got worse and worse as it went along. | ||
| So you enjoy the show, Danza? | ||
| Did you like me on Taxi? | ||
| And things like that. | ||
| And then it started being like, well, I could use some relaxation in my dressing room. | ||
| How about you come back when you come in and, you know, maybe you give Tony a massage? | ||
| And she's laughing, like, oh, I would do that. | ||
| And then it got to the point where it's like, you know, I could use a handjob or something. | ||
| And they never broke. | ||
| They were always like, oh, oh, oh, oh. | ||
| They so didn't want to be disillusioned by their celebrity... | ||
| A crush. | ||
| They didn't want to think that he was a perv. | ||
| Did they ever find out that it was Jew? | ||
| No, not those people. | ||
| The people at the Tony Danza show did. | ||
| And what did they do? | ||
| They started having security walk the line and E-Rock's picture was put up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Wanted. | ||
| Do not let this man near the people coming in. | ||
| I forgot about that. | ||
| That was one of the funniest fucking things I've ever heard on the radio. | ||
| That was a good one. | ||
| I parked somewhere, and I was crying laughing, and I had to go inside for a meeting, and I sat in my car for like an extra ten minutes just listening to that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There was one point where I said something, and everyone knew what the next line was, and I was like, Oh, hold on to your hats, kids. | ||
| Here it comes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And all the listeners are like, yes, we know it's coming! | ||
| That was some funny shit. | ||
| We used to be, and that's what XM was. | ||
| We were at XM radio with that. | ||
| When the merger, ha ha ha ha, merger happened. | ||
| That's like when, you remember when Germany merged with Poland? | ||
| Ha ha ha ha! | ||
| Yeah, the merger happened with Sirius. | ||
| They completely took over and did away with all the people at XM that were show-friendly and things like that, and just put us in their building instead of the building we were in, where we were able to go out on the street and just do fun shit. | ||
| We did Box of Cocks that day, where we put a... | ||
| A box. | ||
| We lined it with gay porn and just dildos in it and fake rubber dicks. | ||
| And then we closed the box and put free kittens, please take, give them a home and left it in the middle of the sidewalk. | ||
| And then we just, and we didn't even have a video. | ||
| We just had audio of like, I think Danny was down on the street. | ||
| We were upstairs. | ||
| We were watching out the window, watching people walk by going, oh, she's looking at, she's looking at the box. | ||
| And then they'd open the box to see if kittens were in there and the reaction was hilarious. | ||
| And we were doing this on radio. | ||
| There wasn't even a video to it. | ||
| And we were just describing it. | ||
| And the fact that we were laughing so hard, people really could kind of get what was happening. | ||
| And they just stopped all that with Sirius. | ||
| So what kind of conversations did they have with you guys as far as what you could and couldn't get away with? | ||
| That was just it. | ||
| Nothing. | ||
| They never had conversations with us when we would ask. | ||
| It was always this weird... | ||
| They'd point to the ceiling and talk about the people upstairs. | ||
| They'll be like, yeah, well, you know, they think. | ||
| And I'm like, who the fuck are you pointing at? | ||
| Like, I want a name. | ||
| I want someone to talk to and say, how can we do this? | ||
| Not that we can't do something. | ||
| Please work with us and say, how can we do it? | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| Well, we gotta, you know, run it through up the old flagpole and run it through this and we'll green light that as we skylight this and get... | ||
| Just middle management bullshit that would shine us on every day and we'd realize months and months would go by and we'd go, you know, we haven't done anything. | ||
| We haven't gone out to do an appearance. | ||
| We haven't done a poker tournament. | ||
| We wanted to do a cruise. | ||
| We wanted to do a big O&A cruise. | ||
| Promoted a year in advance. | ||
| A cruise ship with all the comics and fans and fucking Q&A's and shit on stage on a cruise ship. | ||
| 5,000 fucking people! | ||
| And do that. | ||
| And Sirius came up to us and said... | ||
| Yeah, that's great. | ||
| We want a million dollars up front to allow you to do this. | ||
| What? | ||
| Yeah, because it was going to be done with the same promotion company that did our virus tour and everything. | ||
| So they came to us. | ||
| Sirius wasn't involved at all. | ||
| It was going to be sold and that, and everyone was going to make money. | ||
| And if Sirius had a notion to sell, they would be able to sell that and make money off of it. | ||
| Instead of shaking down the talent to give them a million dollars Upfront to allow us to do a gig that would be huge. | ||
| They wanted you guys to give them a million dollars. | ||
| One million dollars. | ||
| What was the profit potential for this? | ||
| It was a lot less with a million dollars up front. | ||
| Just serious. | ||
| It was going to be pretty lucrative. | ||
| Pretty lucrative. | ||
| But to that extent, and just the nerve... | ||
| Of your company coming to you and saying, we want to shake you down for a million bucks to allow you to do this. | ||
| It's fucking mafia tactics. | ||
| And there's an ability for them to make money on an appearance like that. | ||
| You sell the shit out of it. | ||
| You sell with the cruise line. | ||
| You do this. | ||
| Whatever. | ||
| I don't know the ins and outs, but I know in terrestrial radio, when we used to do appearances, it wasn't coming out of our pocket. | ||
| That's unbelievable. | ||
| A million dollars. | ||
| A million bucks. | ||
| Like fucking Dr. Evil. | ||
| Are they just dying on the vine? | ||
| It's easy for me to say, based on the fact that I was thrown out of there, to say, yes, they are! | ||
| Like we were talking about the end of the world and stuff. | ||
| Yeah, it's happening tomorrow! | ||
| But I can't see them sustaining themselves based on what they're doing. | ||
| It's just a lost cause. | ||
| They're showing themselves to be as much regular radio as they were trying to be the alternative of. | ||
| They're showing themselves to be the corporate guy and not the cool show that, you know... | ||
| Gets away with stuff. | ||
| Isn't the concept so archaic? | ||
| When you have the internet and you have a provider, your situation. | ||
| You and Keith, that's it. | ||
| You don't need all these other fucking people. | ||
| You can get your own ads. | ||
| You guys could both solicit companies to advertise, like, look, I've got X amount of thousands of people every fucking day that are listening and watching. | ||
| You can sell your products to that, boom, and then you cut out all the nonsense. | ||
| All you need is an agent to handle that stuff for you. | ||
| So, like, this idea of having this... | ||
| I mean, I've been to the O&A studios. | ||
| You guys are in a fucking giant building in Manhattan that must cost $40. | ||
| Fuck loads of money. | ||
| Unbelievable. | ||
| It's gotta be. | ||
| It's gotta be insane. | ||
| It's way the fuck at the top of this building. | ||
| You gotta show your ID and they give you a fucking sticker. | ||
| My name is... | ||
| You go through the thing, you go up to the floor. | ||
| I mean, it's crazy how much money is involved. | ||
| You go there, there's receptionists and people walking back and forth and all they're doing is... | ||
| I mean, they have music. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But with you guys, I mean, that's one of the reasons why you guys should be a separate entity. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Because you don't need any of that. | ||
| It's the live talk aspect of it that is something different. | ||
| And the worst part for them is the fact that the most important logistical part of their whole setup is in outer space! | ||
| Like, if something fucks up at the house, we could pretty much go to Radio Shack and patch something together and fix it. | ||
| Their shit's in space. | ||
| If something breaks on one of their satellites, what are you going to do? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Send fucking Scott Greenstein up there to fucking fix it? | |
| Good luck! | ||
| Yeah, they could be wiped out by a solar flare. | ||
| Solar flare, fucking meteors, whatever. | ||
| Whatever. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Some errant Russian fucking ship. | |
| I don't know. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Well, power outage yesterday. | ||
| We did. | ||
| We had a power outage at the house yesterday. | ||
| Oh, you need a generator, though. | ||
| I have a generator. | ||
| I have a giant fucking generator. | ||
| It's the size of a truck, and it's in my backyard. | ||
| And when the power goes off, this thing will... | ||
| Automatically kick in. | ||
| Automatically kick in and I could run everything in my house and probably two more houses with this. | ||
| For how long? | ||
| Until the fucking two 1,000 gallon propane tanks run out that aren't hooked up yet. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Oh, so your power just went out? | ||
| I went out yesterday and stayed off. | ||
| I did the rest of the show from an iPhone in my kitchen and a light plugged into a battery backup. | ||
| Perfect. | ||
| And my laptop to show videos and Keith writing down the sponsors and shit that I have to talk about. | ||
| It was great. | ||
| We went from the most technologically advanced studio to pretty much Bin Laden in the cave. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| Keith, it's weirder when you run and crouch behind him than if you just walk. | ||
| If you just walk, yeah. | ||
| We just got done saying how this is the opposite of serious. | ||
| You don't have to do that. | ||
| I can't hear you when you say that though. | ||
| That's not on either. | ||
|
unidentified
|
When we're at our house doing it and he's on camera, I have to crouch underneath the camera. | |
| That's true. | ||
| He does crouch. | ||
| But there are times too where people are at the house and they're talking and the doors open and I don't care. | ||
| I like kind of this ambient noise that people are hanging out. | ||
| Some people get... | ||
| I got used to doing, like, live reads with people talking all the time. | ||
| When commercials would happen on the O&A show, I would do the live reads, and people don't stop talking. | ||
| Yeah, that was yesterday. | ||
| Oh, so this is you with the power out. | ||
| That was good for an iPhone. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jeez. | |
| With the power out. | ||
| It's from the airwaves. | ||
| It's amazing that you can stream like this. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So you're doing it all through 4G? Yep. | ||
| Isn't that amazing? | ||
| This is taking forever because of red tape. | ||
| With the stupid fucking town and there's zoning and permits and everything. | ||
| It's a good commercial for the show here on your show. | ||
| And the generators would have went on and it would have been great. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Keith, I do believe if you go to the alarm system and punch the code in... | |
| Yeah, all the alarms were going off in the house for battery backup and everything. | ||
| But it worked out. | ||
| I'll get the generator on at some point. | ||
| The neighbors are going to hate it. | ||
| It's got like a turbo diesel truck engine in it. | ||
| Nice. | ||
| Nice. | ||
| Yeah, when I was in Colorado we had one of those. | ||
| It would kick in all the time because the power up there sucked. | ||
| Yeah, Long Island sucks because the wind blows and for some reason we're the only place on the face of the earth now that still has wires strung on poles like it's fucking like 1850. And they're all between the property lines. | ||
| Yeah, why aren't they underground? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| That's so stupid. | ||
| And they put them between the property lines of everyone's house, but then also in between the property lines are trees. | ||
| Because you want, like, trees, and trees and wires, they don't fucking mix. | ||
| So the second it gets too windy, the wires rip out of the fucking... | ||
| It works, and you lose power. | ||
| So you've got this set up here. | ||
| Back that up a little bit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| That's so professional. | ||
| It's beautiful. | ||
| The background, is that all screens, or is that your actual... | ||
| That's a green screen, and that's my pool. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's amazing. | |
| That's my pool in the backyard done on the green screen. | ||
| But I can put anything back there. | ||
| So there's a green screen, but it's all broken up. | ||
| Like you have some of it's green screen, some of it is... | ||
| No, that is an entire green screen. | ||
| Everything. | ||
| The fake screen behind me, the desk, it's all fake. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| It's all fake. | ||
| So I sit there at a desk in a console, but you don't see it. | ||
| You see that, and the reflections are in the desk. | ||
| It's all computer magic. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| The reflections in the desk are also manipulated? | ||
| All fake. | ||
| Man. | ||
| I could put any video on those screens, so that's what I use when I'm showing video. | ||
| Who built the desk for you? | ||
| That isn't a real desk. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's a fake desk. | |
| The whole desk is fake? | ||
| The whole thing is fake right here. | ||
| I am sitting in a chair in a very relatively small room with a green screen behind me. | ||
| That's why when something happens, and they were showing some of the rioting in Ferguson and stuff, and they'll just play that on the green screen behind me. | ||
| And I'll be in the crowd going like, ah, don't hurt me. | ||
| So, the desk being fake, so do you have green screen in front of you as well? | ||
| No, it knows how to layer. | ||
| That's the thing about the TriCaster that I like. | ||
| It knows how to just layer things like you would in Photoshop, where the background is the back layer, my live video is middle, and then the front layer is that desk and whatever else is in front of me. | ||
| So, what the odd thing is, I can never... | ||
| I can never reach over the front of the desk. | ||
| It's always in front of me, so no matter how far I lean, I can never reach over it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, that's hilarious. | |
| Yeah, but it looks like I'm futzing with stuff behind it all the time, and I put my beard down there, or I have my Obama bobblehead doll when I'm talking politics. | ||
| You know, just everything could kind of be behind the desk, and it looks like I have one. | ||
| People actually, they come down to the studio and go, this is it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's it. | |
| It looks like a giant, complex studio, and it's really pretty simple. | ||
| Wow, that's amazing. | ||
| Yeah, it's fun, man. | ||
| I've always been into video, and I used Adobe After Effects. | ||
| It's like Photoshop for video, and just been fascinated with keying and green screening and stuff like that. | ||
| The equipment that's available to people now, as opposed to even just a few years ago, is un-fucking-believable. | ||
| Well, even just when you first started, right? | ||
| Yeah, when I first started, I was just grabbing a few cameras there at B&H and popping it up and doing a show. | ||
| And then slowly, trial and error, figuring out how to do things. | ||
| It's left a lot of electronic waste in a lot of closets around my house. | ||
| It's like, ah, these lights don't work. | ||
| What made you decide to do a video-based show, as opposed to the way ONA was, which is primarily audio-based, but you used to have PalTalk? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Well, I've always been into more of a visual aspect to a show. | ||
| And especially nowadays, everything is so visual. | ||
| LiveLeak and YouTube and stuff. | ||
| People like watching videos of something and then talking about it. | ||
| So I'll just pull videos all day and all night and put them in folders and put them on the TriCaster, play them, and be able to just discuss it with people. | ||
| So it adds a whole other dimension. | ||
| It is weird in the fact that I can't just roll out of bed and... | ||
| And go downstairs without showering or something, you know, or shaving. | ||
| I mean, I don't want to be a complete disaster. | ||
| I didn't have any hair gel today, so I'm a little frizzy. | ||
| So it is weird to be on camera the whole time. | ||
| I'd find that kind of strange. | ||
| And then one of the things I learned is you can't Play song parodies or anything on a visual thing because you're just kind of sitting there listening to music. | ||
| We were playing an old Reverend Al song that I did years ago and I realized I'm just sitting there going, yeah, well this is it. | ||
| Are you listening? | ||
| It was kind of weird. | ||
| That video that you just showed, Brian, you guys are sitting right next to each other. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Is that weird? | ||
| Having a conversation where you're sitting right next to each other like that? | ||
| Like that? | ||
| No, you get used to it. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| You kind of address each other and then the camera, and it's a little odd. | ||
| A little odd, but you get used to it pretty quickly. | ||
| And then we're adding more cameras to the studio itself. | ||
| But a lot of times, like I said, I'll do it from out by the bar or out by the pool or upstairs by the fireplace, wherever. | ||
| Do you think you'll eventually have a place in New York, in the city? | ||
| I would like to. | ||
| I would like to rent a place and have somewhere to go to do interviews. | ||
| Yeah, and I think it would be a lot more convenient for me not having cameras strewn all over my house and lights. | ||
| My house is strewn with cameras and lights. | ||
| It's just everywhere. | ||
| Oh, look at it. | ||
| You got it outside. | ||
| Yeah, that's outside with me and Jimmy Norton hanging out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It could go anywhere. | |
| It doesn't have to be just in the studio. | ||
| Now, have you had any conversations with Sirius since the firing? | ||
| They sent me an email when they fired me. | ||
| It was an email. | ||
| And I called Greenstein, who is the kind of boss over there. | ||
| And said, really? | ||
| Fucking email after, you know, 10 years with you and, you know, years before with the XM and stuff. | ||
| But an email. | ||
| And he's, ah, well, you know, I... I was like, no explanation? | ||
| Nothing? | ||
| No come in and talk and, you know, give your side or anything? | ||
| Well, and he just didn't have anything. | ||
| I said, okay, so I'm fired and that's it? | ||
| He goes, yeah, there's really nothing. | ||
| I go, okay, thank you. | ||
| You'll hear from my lawyer. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| Because I have to sue him for the rest of my money. | ||
| Are you suing? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, why wouldn't I? They owed me from my contract, yeah. | |
| I don't think they had legitimate reason to fire me. | ||
| It had to be something that... | ||
| What is that word when you do something to a company that puts the company in a bad light? | ||
| The company itself? | ||
| Like, disparage. | ||
| I have something in there that said if I disparage the company. | ||
| Now that's me going on and saying, Sirius sucks. | ||
| Don't fucking subscribe to them. | ||
| Howard sucks. | ||
| This sucks. | ||
| Everyone sucks. | ||
| The bosses are assholes. | ||
| They don't know what they're doing. | ||
| Like, that's disparaging the company. | ||
| Me expressing my thoughts that I had expressed on their airwaves for years is not disparaging their company. | ||
| So I say you owe me from July to October. | ||
| Pay up, motherfucker. | ||
| When does that go to court? | ||
| They're working on it already. | ||
| My agent and one of the lawyers is all on top of that shit. | ||
| It won't go to court. | ||
| All these things, they just settle. | ||
| It's like, yeah, I'll take some fucking, I'll take some cash out of you. | ||
| Where are they making all their money? | ||
| I mean, do they have a lot of subscribers? | ||
| How does it work? | ||
| Their subscriber... | ||
| I don't know how many subscribers they actually have at what they say they subscribe at. | ||
| Because they count things like when you buy a new car and you get a free subscription, they count that as a subscriber. | ||
| A lot of people were canceling their subs when they fired me. | ||
| They were very cool. | ||
| Thousands. | ||
| Yeah, canceled. | ||
| Not me. | ||
| No, no. | ||
| Sorry. | ||
| I hung in there. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| I wouldn't hold it against anybody. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Thank you. | |
| But they canceled, and everyone was saying, wow, they called me back and said they're going to give me a year subscription for like a third of the price and stuff. | ||
| And that just adds up as subs. | ||
| So when they go in front of their shareholders, when they give their quarterly reports, they say, well, ladies and gentlemen, the subs are up! | ||
| We're doing great. | ||
| We went from this many subs to this many. | ||
| Now, meanwhile, if you went from that many to that many paying, and now they're paying a third of the price, you're kind of losing money. | ||
| They never tell how much money. | ||
| Their money, actually, they always tell, is that a loss? | ||
| But their sub's always going up. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Crazy. | |
| I don't know how that works. | ||
| The subs. | ||
| How many subs we have. | ||
| It's just a very strange business. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It is. | |
| It's not ratings, share points, things like that that I remember from radio. | ||
| We need subs. | ||
| And I remember the boss of the company, the actual boss. | ||
| I don't even remember his fucking name. | ||
| That's how little I dealt with him. | ||
| I dealt with Scott all the time. | ||
| But this boss guy, he... | ||
| He had us up. | ||
| We met with him once. | ||
| And he goes, I don't care what you guys do, what you say. | ||
| He goes, to tell you the truth, I barely ever even listened to your show. | ||
| Like, he didn't even know what we did. | ||
| He thought this was good to tell us, by the way. | ||
| And then he goes, all I care about are subscriptions. | ||
| That's what I want. | ||
| Subscription. | ||
| And it just reminded me of Twilight Zone, where an old boss was like, you gotta push, push, push! | ||
| And the guy's like, fucking... | ||
| Sitting there in black and white all crazy. | ||
| Oh, I care about his subscriptions. | ||
| That was it. | ||
| And that just told me right there, like, oh boy, this isn't good. | ||
| It's too archaic. | ||
| It's just too archaic. | ||
| The idea that, like, I get a podcast on my phone and I can stream it live. | ||
| Like, immediately I press a button on my phone and it starts playing in my car. | ||
| How is that not the greatest thing? | ||
| And I can pause it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| All things that I can't do with Sirius. | ||
| This idea of a show is on when it's on and that's when you have to be tuning in. | ||
| That's ridiculous. | ||
| That's archaic. | ||
| Well, I think their hope is that, hey, people still turn on their fucking radio in their car. | ||
| They do. | ||
| I do. | ||
| I still do it. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| The Uncle Paul thing, I heard about it because I was just flipping through the dials and because I turned it on when it was happening. | ||
| When I was in my car, it was right when Jimmy was doing that. | ||
| If I had listened from the beginning, I might not have made it to that part. | ||
| I might have gotten to my destination and not heard the whole show. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| There's something to that. | ||
| People still listen to just FM radio. | ||
| They just put that fucker on. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| How many? | ||
| Well, you know, the ratings are still there. | ||
| Yeah, but they're the weirdest ratings of all time. | ||
| Those books that they hand out. | ||
| The diary. | ||
| The Nielsen diary. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That is so stupid. | |
| Arbitron diaries. | ||
| I wrote it in, and I represent 10,000 people, and we... | ||
| Well, not enough diaries got returned from the urban areas, so we're going to flood them with diaries the next month, and then at the end of three months, we average it to get... | ||
| Who came up with this shit? | ||
| It's 2014. They're using fucking the same system the mercantile used in Little House on the Prairie. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Olsen's mercantile. | ||
| It is. | ||
| The Nielsons are goofy, but the Arbitrons are even more goofy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That book, that rating book. | ||
| Arbitron, that was the one, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, that's the goofiest. | ||
| That's the goofy book. | ||
| They send you a book, and they send you like a dollar or something. | ||
| How do they know who's listening? | ||
| They can't know. | ||
| No, they can't. | ||
| They really can't. | ||
| Does Sirius know who's listening? | ||
| Do they have any idea? | ||
| I think they do, in some way, shape, or form. | ||
| They have to, right? | ||
| Don't they? | ||
| I would imagine. | ||
| With that technology? | ||
| They have to know who's turned into a channel, I would imagine. | ||
| It would be like an IP address on a website. | ||
| Like, oh, there's 40,000 people listening to Hot 50s. | ||
| They've always said it's like one way, but... | ||
| They've always said it's like a one-way signal. | ||
| They send it to your radio, but your radio doesn't send anything back to them. | ||
| When you subscribe, you have to do it from either the phone or a computer with your radio number. | ||
| So you can't just go to your radio and go, hey, I'm subscribing, click. | ||
| Kevin Smith was telling me that they know who's listening to what. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| I don't know how he knows. | ||
| I don't know either. | ||
| I've never heard a number. | ||
| They've never given us a number. | ||
| I think because they know it would be a bargaining chip for a negotiation. | ||
| I would think that just the information that shows on your display that says, you know, guest today, blah, blah, blah, that there's something sending out that separate from the signal... | ||
| Or something. | ||
| But it's not, because they're doing that with a regular radio too now, with HD radio. | ||
| Yeah, that's true. | ||
| If you listen to regular radio, it's part, it's embedded in the signal that they're broadcasting. | ||
| What else is embedded in that? | ||
| Yeah, that's what I'm saying. | ||
| Fucking government. | ||
| It's the harp system. | ||
| Another good impression. | ||
| I love Jesse. | ||
| Oh, what a nut. | ||
| What about 9-11? | ||
| 9-11. | ||
| What about patriotism? | ||
|
unidentified
|
If you don't think they brought the building down... | |
| That was embarrassing, that incident with him and Jimmy Norton. | ||
| It was embarrassing. | ||
| Thank you for your service. | ||
| He was embarrassing. | ||
| He really was. | ||
| It was such a blowhard. | ||
| Yeah, well, I used to like him before that. | ||
| Yeah, I think something happened to him. | ||
| Age. | ||
| Like, age, yeah. | ||
| There might have been some kind of... | ||
| A little some kind of brain thing, a little synapse thing, or a blood vessel. | ||
| I think it's also people that get really conspiratorially minded. | ||
| They start getting really nutty with that. | ||
| It starts becoming something they just automatically go to. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Automatically. | ||
| There's no room for reasonable discussion on a topic anymore. | ||
| It automatically goes to, well, what about 9-11? | ||
| 9-11. | ||
| Explain to me the Patriot Act. | ||
|
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Ha! | |
| They had it ready to go! | ||
| The Gulf of Tonkin! | ||
| Yeah, that's another one. | ||
| Operation Northwax! | ||
| Ah, that's fucking hilarious. | ||
| I just think, also, they get real high on finding conspiracies and things. | ||
| Like, there's several people that I follow online that will find anything that's online and think that there's some fucking grand scheme behind it all. | ||
| Like, some guy was going on the other day about what ISIS really was, was some Israeli plot, some fucking... | ||
| That's a stretch. | ||
| Well, it's just always something, man. | ||
| It really is. | ||
| They also don't acknowledge real facts. | ||
| Sometimes they just throw them away. | ||
| If they can't put a conspiracy to a fact, it just never existed. | ||
| Like, well, why didn't they find any plane parts at the Pentagon? | ||
| Well, they did. | ||
|
unidentified
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They did. | |
| No, no, no, they didn't. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| It was a missile that hit. | ||
| It wasn't a plane. | ||
| So they found this. | ||
| They found an engine. | ||
| They found a part from American Airlines here on the fucking lawn and stuff. | ||
| No, they didn't find anything. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| Well, I saw a website, bro. | ||
|
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I saw a website, and the website said, to the contrary. | |
| Right. | ||
| Or you don't think the fucking, right there at the Pentagon, you don't think they could have laid plane parts out on the lawn? | ||
| Oh, that's a much more... | ||
| A truck pulls up, a guy gets out. | ||
| Just starts. | ||
| Just fucking throwing plain fucking parts out of the lawn. | ||
| Can you imagine there's a video of a guy doing that? | ||
| Just like, you know, you ever see those trucks that farmers have where they spray seeds out of the back of their truck? | ||
| And they're doing that, just chucking plain parts. | ||
| Just throwing plain parts out all over the place. | ||
| Yeah, that's a piece of a tail, I guess. | ||
| We need a fucking turbine over here. | ||
| Yeah, there's never a logical explanation for anything, and the easiest explanation is never the one that it could be. | ||
| It's always got to be a very complicated, something that would have taken planning on the lines of a movie, but... | ||
| And once they get it in their head that there is a conspiracy, they look only for everything that supports that conspiracy? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| We had this episode on chemtrails at all that sci-fi shows we did. | ||
| That was the one that more people got so fucking angry at, the chemtrails one. | ||
| Because we had a guy on who was explaining in very clear scientific terms that jet engines... | ||
| When you fly, through condensation in the atmosphere, create clouds. | ||
| There you go. | ||
| They create artificial clouds, and these artificial clouds, you could do it over and over and over again all day long. | ||
| All you have to do is fly through, and they're like, yeah, what about one time there's a video that shows the plane, and it's flying, and it's creating a cloud, and then no cloud, and they turn the jet off, and then they turned it on again. | ||
| Or, you know how you look up in the sky, and there's a cloud here, but there's not a cloud here? | ||
| Yeah, because the level of condensation in the atmosphere varies. | ||
| It varies, and it's different. | ||
|
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And when you fly through it, it makes a fucking cloud! | |
| It's aluminum and barium! | ||
| What about 9-11? | ||
| If you squeeze the air that has moisture in it that's not visible as a cloud right now, but you run it through a jet engine, it's gonna come out the other end as a cloud. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But let me tell you what it is. | ||
| It's a weird thing that people want to believe that the government is spraying the skies, and they're down here too. | ||
| But they're just spraying those skies. | ||
| And have they been doing that since there's been jet engines? | ||
| Because there's been contrails, which is what it is. | ||
| That's the thing that people don't want to admit. | ||
| They want to pretend that there weren't these contrails. | ||
| Back when we were young, they used to dissolve very quickly. | ||
| They would fly, and then the contrails would dissipate quickly. | ||
| Those are normal contrails. | ||
| The contrails we're seeing today are chemtrails. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| It's aluminum and barium. | ||
| Aluminum and barium. | ||
| Meanwhile, if you fucking sprayed aluminum, it wouldn't look like a goddamn cloud. | ||
| You need something that's moisture to look like a cloud. | ||
| It needs to be vapor. | ||
| Aluminum is never going to be a fucking vapor. | ||
| It's heavy. | ||
| It's all so dumb. | ||
| Another thing I love is the fact that how UFO phenomenon has just disappeared with the advent of everybody having a phone and a camera and stuff. | ||
| I think that killed the UFO thing. | ||
| It did. | ||
| Because now anything that happens is on camera. | ||
| Anything. | ||
| You can't do anything without it being on camera. | ||
| The second something happens, 20 people at least, they're holding their fucking phone up. | ||
| Now you would think if UFOs were going around with everybody having a camera now, there would be so many great UFO videos. | ||
| And there's none. | ||
| There's a few fake ones. | ||
| There's like fake ones that have been done on After Effects and great production companies have put out great shaky fucking things and it looks pretty cool. | ||
| But there are no fucking, like, go to YouTube and go, authentic, like, it's just not happening. | ||
| No, it's true. | ||
| And you would think it'd be great. | ||
| Like, finally, everyone's got a camera. | ||
| We're gonna see these motherfuckers. | ||
| Gone. | ||
| It's true. | ||
| It's so true. | ||
| I mean, we're seeing videos of mountain lions in fucking parking lots and shit. | ||
| There was a mountain lion in San Jose on someone's car. | ||
| They caught it on a security camera just standing on the hood of his car. | ||
| That's scary. | ||
| Big cat, man. | ||
| A big beavis. | ||
| A big giant beavis. | ||
| You see the hawk that took out the little drone? | ||
| No. | ||
| That's one of the videos up today. | ||
| I think it just hit today or yesterday. | ||
| A hawk swooped down and snatched it. | ||
| Some fucking guy is going... | ||
| With his drone, and you see a hawk kind of going around. | ||
| This thing comes at the drone, claws fucking out, wham! | ||
| Hits the fucking thing. | ||
| It's great. | ||
| It's great. | ||
| Let's end on that. | ||
| Yeah, if you could find it, you'd love it. | ||
| It's nature saying, fuck you technology. | ||
| I'll show you his boss up here. | ||
| It's a rival, yes. | ||
| It's a rival for another hawk's affections. | ||
| That's fantastic, though, man. | ||
| Hawks by my house always fuck with crows. | ||
| Yeah, hawks and crows fuck with each other because hawks will eat crows. | ||
| I think a hawk stole one of my chickens. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Man, one of my chickens vanished, and I think it was probably a hawk, because I let them roam, and most of the area where they are, they're protected under the canopy of oaks, so the hawks can't really swoop in. | ||
| But if the chickens get stupid, and they go out near the pool... | ||
| You should throw out that drop cam that I gave you. | ||
| It has night vision, and then you can just watch it anytime you want to. | ||
| It'll notify you if something crazy is happening and stuff. | ||
| Those are great. | ||
| It's HD. Yeah, that's probably a good idea. | ||
| I saw Big Hawk fly across Canoga last night. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| It was pretty cool. | ||
| Oh, hawks are out here, man. | ||
| Yeah, they just fucking... | ||
| It dove down and then back up into the trees. | ||
| I thought... | ||
| Instantly, I thought it was a bat because it was night, and that would have been a big fucking bat. | ||
| They have big fucking owls out here. | ||
|
unidentified
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Owls? | |
| Oh, my God. | ||
| That would have... | ||
| Maybe it was. | ||
| I'm not a bird guy. | ||
| I've seen some owls out here that I'm not bullshitting. | ||
| We're like two and a half, three feet tall. | ||
| Standing on a post for days on end? | ||
| Just sit... | ||
|
unidentified
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No. | |
| We have rubber ones on people's houses to keep away stupid birds. | ||
|
unidentified
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We can't figure out if this thing is not going to chase them. | |
| That really is a dumb bird. | ||
| Fucking guy won't leave. | ||
| It's the most uncool owl ever. | ||
| Have you ever thought about setting up out here, now that you don't have to be in New York? | ||
| You know, I don't have to be in New York, and that is very cool. | ||
| No winter. | ||
| I know, I know. | ||
| We could do collaborations, my friend. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I would love it. | |
| We could do shows any time, any day. | ||
| I would fucking love it. | ||
| I'll take you to the range. | ||
| We'll shoot our guns together. | ||
|
unidentified
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God. | |
| You do spin a nice yarn there. | ||
| If I did move, I would consider a few other places just because of... | ||
| Like, I can't go to another state that just has ridiculous gun laws, like New York. | ||
| Well, this place has better gun laws than New York, though. | ||
| Believe it or not, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You could buy a handgun pretty easily in LA. Yeah, you'd think it would be harder. | |
| But you can't even walk into a gun store in New York if you don't have a pistol license... | ||
| For New York State. | ||
| In the city, forget about it. | ||
| In New York State, let's say you go into a gun store and you're like, oh, I want to see what that Walther PPK is like. | ||
| Can I hold it? | ||
| No. | ||
| You can't even hold a gun in a gun store and go, wow, that's kind of cool. | ||
| Without a gun license, you've got to show them first. | ||
| Yeah, New York is way more than California. | ||
| But California has more archaic hunting laws. | ||
| In California, they don't allow them to hunt a lot of animals that are really problem animals, like bears and cougars. | ||
| They used to use dogs to hunt bears. | ||
| If you don't use dogs to hunt bears, there's three ways to hunt bears. | ||
| Spot and stalk, which is really tough. | ||
| You've got to find them and stalk them. | ||
| And in woods, it doesn't work. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| You can only use it on, like, hillsides and in areas where they're going to be out eating berries or, like, grizzlies in large tundra areas. | ||
| Or you've got to use bait, where you have to leave bait out for them, the bears come from the bait, and then you kill them. | ||
| It's the only way to do it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, it's cheating when you use bait for fish. | ||
| Ha! | ||
| That's cheating, too. | ||
| Joe's always got a fucking answer. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| I mean, it is kind of cheating. | ||
| That is absolutely true. | ||
| But how else are you going to get them really go down there with a spear? | ||
| You don't use bait for most animals. | ||
| Most animals... | ||
| It's illegal. | ||
| Well, there's some... | ||
| Like, Texas, they kind of allow you to do whatever the fuck you want. | ||
| You could use bait for deer. | ||
| Like, you leave out corn and fucking shoot them in the head and they go to eat. | ||
| I think it's fair if you put the bait for the bear on a hook and then have to land them like a fish. | ||
| I'm fighting him. | ||
| Caught on his lip. | ||
| That big fucking lip. | ||
| He's gone under the leaves. | ||
| Smart bear. | ||
| We're gonna need a bigger tree stand. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But mountain lions, they stopped hunting them altogether, and they're so prevalent now that a six-year-old kid got attacked in fucking Cupertino, where the fucking apple campus is in Cupertino. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Yeah, it's the same town as the apple campus. | ||
| A six-year-old got attacked by a mountain lion. | ||
| They're everywhere. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's this one ranch that I hunt at. | ||
| They have a trail cam up at this ranch, and they caught 16 different mountain lions on camera. | ||
| On the cams. | ||
| 16 different mountain lions. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| And people that get eaten by the mountain lions, they're doing exactly what the mountain lion loves, like running or biking. | ||
| It's always like, yeah, I took a jog in the hills. | ||
| The mountain lion just sees like, oh, this is great. | ||
| Like throw something for your toy. | ||
| Yeah, throw a toy to a cat and watch what he does. | ||
| They're so goddamn strong, too. | ||
| Can you imagine a cat that's as strong as a house cat but weighs 100 pounds? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And it fucks things up all day. | ||
| That's what it does. | ||
| It's not like this is the first time it's ever killed anything with its face. | ||
| It's been getting its food delivered like Beavis has in a nice little aluminum tray. | ||
| No, it's fucking food. | ||
| It catches its food with its face. | ||
| It catches fucking food. | ||
| You see that guy that got in the cage with the tiger? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| And he was cowering in the corner with the tiger like two feet away from him, just staring at him for 15 minutes before the tiger bit him. | ||
| That 15 minutes, looking at that... | ||
| There are times I'll look at Beavis' face and go, oh shit, I don't even want to fuck with him. | ||
| And it's a cat. | ||
| Because he's got those fucking... | ||
| His eyes turn completely black and he's got that look on his face like, yeah, I could just lunge at your eyeballs right now. | ||
| Imagine a tiger head, which is... | ||
| If you've seen a full-grown tiger, their heads are fucking bizarre big. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Just from side to side. | ||
| And that thing just like... | ||
| Alright, is it still there? | ||
| Yeah, it's still fucking there. | ||
| He was also praying a lot and waving his hands up and down. | ||
| He was like being agitating. | ||
| I'd find God at that point somehow. | ||
| I don't know what I would do. | ||
| God. | ||
| There's nothing you can do. | ||
| The amount of power they have. | ||
| No, it's just unbelievable power. | ||
| That muscle... | ||
| We are very weak in the animal world. | ||
| If we didn't have a few fucking sparkles of miracle up in our head, we would be done. | ||
| Well, the idea is those sparkles of miracle are what sent us down this road of decay where our bodies develop this fucking soft, fleshy outer layer that tears on rocks and twigs. | ||
| You look at a chimpanzee just fucking going through trees, hitting sharp branches. | ||
| Nothing. | ||
| They're made of leather. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| Leather with muscle corded fucking thick tendons that we don't even understand. | ||
| They have tendons that are so much stronger than ours. | ||
| Oh, you think they ever wake up just, ow! | ||
| Nothing. | ||
| What happened? | ||
| No, they grab a branch and launch themselves into the air with it. | ||
| They throw themselves through the sky and catch things and whoosh! | ||
| Skin like fucking Easy Rider. | ||
| Yeah, they're so different than us. | ||
| We're just bags of jello. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Just fleshy. | ||
| I had a two-year-old chimp on news radio once. | ||
| It was an episode. | ||
| I don't think we even wound up using the scene. | ||
| They are adorable. | ||
| Adorable. | ||
| But it was a tiny little chimp, and it fucking slapped me in the back, and I was like, holy shit! | ||
| It was hanging on to me. | ||
| It was being cute. | ||
| But then it just whacked me in the back, and I couldn't believe how hard it hit me. | ||
| I was like, This is fucking crazy. | ||
| Even the small one, because we had one on the ONA show. | ||
| Jimmy had worked with a chimp on some MTV thing, and he found out that the chimp was in town, so they invited the chimp on the show. | ||
| And it was probably a couple of years old, maybe three, and you could just feel his shoulder. | ||
| It's different. | ||
| And it's this rock, just muscle, tight fucking muscle. | ||
| It's totally different. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, we're weak, but we have guns, and we win. | ||
| But we have guns, and we have tactics, and, you know. | ||
| Backup generators, propane tanks, iPhones. | ||
|
unidentified
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Radar, sonar, electric toothbrushes. | |
| I got quince stuck in my head now. | ||
| Listen, man, I'm glad we're out of time, but I'm glad you're doing your show. | ||
| I'm so glad you're doing it the way you're doing it, too. | ||
| Not just getting hired by some other radio station that's gonna fucking hamstring you. | ||
| Yeah, you'd be in the same boat. | ||
| I'd be in the same boat in no time, I think, so... | ||
| It's kind of nice that this worked out. | ||
| And it is odd that the inspiration that you got for this from me doing the Compound show and then you doing this was an inspiration to go back to actually do the full show on a scheduled basis. | ||
| Because I think it was you that told me at some point you got to... | ||
| You gotta put these things on at the same time, like if you're gonna do it, like when I'm gonna do it, it's gotta be from 4 to 6 p.m. | ||
| Eastern. | ||
| The key is just consistency. | ||
| Consistency, yes. | ||
| Just gotta make sure that people get into it and it becomes a part of their day. | ||
| And it's very rewarding for you, too, I'm sure, right? | ||
| Yeah, absolutely. | ||
| The feedback, too. | ||
| It's fucking cool. | ||
| It's just fun to do. | ||
| I don't think I ever did so much preparation for any other show I did. | ||
| And I'm honest, it's like, I would go in, and not that I would phone it in or anything, but it was kind of easy to sit there with the likes of a Jim Norton and bounce shit back and forth and just start laughing our asses off and goofing. | ||
| When it's your show, though... | ||
| I want stuff. | ||
| I want to know that I'm talking about this, this, that. | ||
| I want to be very interactive with the audience. | ||
| We're doing a PalTalk thing where PalTalk is joining us, so subscribers will be able to go to a room in PalTalk. | ||
| Now I'll be able to just pull up their cameras, put them on my virtual screen, and have a discussion with these people instead of just primarily going to the phones. | ||
| We get interactivity. | ||
| Or if I could just want to surprise them, if someone's just sitting there jacking off, bam, we can pop that up and go, hey, asshole, what are you doing? | ||
| Nice. | ||
| AnthonyKumia.com. | ||
| Go watch it. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| Go subscribe. | ||
| Be a part of it. |
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