Sept. 26, 2013 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:56:53
Participants
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
| Wait a minute, we didn't even light this. | ||
| Are we live? | ||
| Hear the sound, ladies and gentlemen? | ||
| This is the sound of freedom. | ||
| That's freedom as it exhales your body. | ||
|
unidentified
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As Mother Nature, as Mother Gaia enters into your system through a series of cannabinoid receptors. | |
| I'm good, dude. | ||
| Starting a new non-political party, Sammy. | ||
| I don't think anybody should be in a political party anymore. | ||
| I agree. | ||
| But out of respect for the great Hunter S. Thompson, I'm going to call it the Freak Party. | ||
| I'm in, dude. | ||
| I feel like a freak. | ||
| I don't feel like I'm represented. | ||
| I will never vote for any of the two major parties ever again. | ||
| Even libertarians, they fucking freak me out. | ||
| Bunch of weirdos. | ||
| Bunch of preppers. | ||
| Not all of you. | ||
| Not all of you. | ||
| Don't get crazy. | ||
| Don't get picky. | ||
| Save the hate mail. | ||
| Save the hate mail. | ||
| I will only vote for someone if I don't know who they are. | ||
| That doesn't help. | ||
| Yeah, because, well, yeah, it does. | ||
| If you don't know who they are and there's some fucking freak NSA underground secret infiltrator agent type character, Sam. | ||
| Okay, that could go, if my vote ruins society, I understand that, but I just vote for anybody who can't afford to campaign. | ||
| That's pretty much. | ||
| Well, that might be better than what we're doing already, but it might not be too. | ||
| That's possible as well. | ||
| You know what we need to do, Sam? | ||
| We need to educate the people. | ||
| Is that possible? | ||
| There's a way to do it. | ||
| One of the ways is Audible.com. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| I'd love to hear about it. | ||
| Well, Audible.com is the number one source of audio entertainment and education on the internet. | ||
| More than 100,000 different titles. | ||
| You can't possibly read 100,000 fucking things, but you might be able to put a good dent into it if you got in your car or if you were on a train or on a plane and listened to audiobooks or at the gym or jogging. | ||
| If you're one of those nature-at-the-park type characters that's not worried about muggers and you run around with a fucking thing on, not worried about getting clipped over the head by someone who's sneaking up behind you and you don't see them coming, or maybe you're just fucking that confident in your foot speed. | ||
| You're just like, this motherfucking mugger. | ||
| Try to catch me, bitch. | ||
| Try to catch me. | ||
| My cardio's off the charts. | ||
| Go to audible.com forward slash Joe. | ||
| You will get one free audiobook and 30 free days of Audible service. | ||
| And Audible has a gigantic selection of fiction, non-fiction. | ||
| They have the Opie and Anthony radio shows. | ||
| They have stand-up comedy. | ||
| You can get my shit on Audible. | ||
| You can get so many different books. | ||
| There's an amazing pile of awesome... | ||
| I recommend Steven Pressfield's The War of Art. | ||
| This is a book that I've been recommending to everybody. | ||
| It's such a good book as far as motivation to get your shit together that I bought stacks of them and I used to hand them out to people all the time. | ||
| Then I got tired of it. | ||
| Then I was like, get your shit together, bitch. | ||
| What am I doing? | ||
| Am I trying to fucking motivate other people? | ||
| I listen to Audible. | ||
| I actually use it. | ||
| Do you? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's very good. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| A book that I love to listen to was Behold a Pale Horse. | ||
| That was a good thing. | ||
| I had read it, but it was fun to hear back. | ||
| That is some ridiculous shit. | ||
| It's fun to listen to, man. | ||
| Especially when you look back at what he's saying then and what's going on now. | ||
| You're like, whoa! | ||
| Well, his book is like some of it. | ||
| You can't recommend it enough? | ||
| I love it, dude. | ||
| You gotta smoke a fat joint before you read that and then just shut it off and walk away. | ||
| There's some really interesting stuff in there and some complete nonsense. | ||
| It's really, like, if you wanted to pick a book where you were worried or curious whether or not, like, there was some disinformation afoot, whether they were trying to connect really, you know, actual factual ideas with fucking UFO bases at Walmart... | ||
| You know, this is the book. | ||
| So you're saying there's a little truth, but there's also a lot of misinformation. | ||
| I'm sure there's some truth in that. | ||
| Well, even crazy people can count, you know? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Even if you're completely out of your mind, you make a bunch of shit up, you might know how to turn on a laptop. | ||
| A broken clock is right twice a day. | ||
| That's so true, Sam Tripoli. | ||
| I'm so glad when people say that shit. | ||
| Anyway, go to audible.com forward slash Joe. | ||
| Steve Martin's book's good too. | ||
| Yes, it is. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
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What is it? | |
| Born Standing? | ||
| Is that what it is? | ||
| Steve Martin's awesome. | ||
| And he actually reads his book. | ||
| Or you could, that guy from fucking, what's it called? | ||
| The Beard Guy? | ||
| Psy, the one that Joey Diaz likes from that Duck Dynasty. | ||
| Joey loves that guy. | ||
| He really loves that guy. | ||
| No bullshit. | ||
| He loves that guy. | ||
| That show's crushing it. | ||
| Fuck yeah, it is. | ||
| That show kicked my show's ass. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, it stomped it. | ||
| Yeah, you're up against a family, though. | ||
| In Dennis Miller vernacular, like a narc at a biker rally. | ||
| Anyway, audible.com forward slash Joe and get a free audiobook. | ||
| It's worth it. | ||
| You'll love it. | ||
| And it's a great way to entertain yourself. | ||
| Basically just like podcasting. | ||
| I'm essentially cutting out my own hamstrings telling you about this. | ||
| It is. | ||
|
unidentified
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It is. | |
| We're also brought to you by Lumosity. | ||
| Lumosity is one of our newest sponsors. | ||
| Lumosity is a new service. | ||
| It's a website that's designed to improve your mental health. | ||
| It's really interesting. | ||
| It's like workouts for your mind. | ||
| They're like fun games. | ||
| I've been doing it. | ||
| I don't know if I'm any smarter yet. | ||
| It's easy. | ||
| It's enjoyable. | ||
| You can personalize it. | ||
| For your different performance goals, as far as your brain, does it have a little sound effect on it? | ||
| Well, that's chalk one against lumosity, okay? | ||
| Let me tell you something. | ||
| Nobody wants fucking sound effects on their websites. | ||
| We're tired of that. | ||
| This is the worst thing when you go to someone's website and a song plays. | ||
| Oh, right. | ||
| That's gross. | ||
| That's why I hate about MySpace. | ||
| Like, back in the day, you couldn't look at other girls' website pages because some song would jump up. | ||
| Your girlfriend's like, what are you listening to? | ||
| You're like, close, close, close. | ||
|
unidentified
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And it would crush your website, your browser every time. | |
| Someone always had some wacky thing running in the background. | ||
| Oh, it was too much. | ||
| And it's like, what is this? | ||
|
unidentified
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Especially the Asian chicks could really go off on their pages. | |
| Sparkle tags. | ||
| That's what we learned about. | ||
| The world learned about sparkle tags. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yep. | |
| You can play online at work. | ||
| I wouldn't recommend playing at work because then you're not working. | ||
| And I think if you're going to do something, just fucking do it. | ||
| Unless your job really sucks a fat dick and you're looking to get out and you listen to this podcast during work right now. | ||
| And I would say, keep doing what you're doing, follow your instincts, go towards the light. | ||
| Do you have a black belt in this yet? | ||
| Yes, I've got a black belt in Lumosity. | ||
| My God, my friend. | ||
| Play online at work, at home, even from an iPhone or an iPad with the Lumosity app. | ||
| It doesn't say anything about Android. | ||
| I guess they're haters. | ||
| With Lumosity, you can track your progress online while seeing the actual improvements in your everyday life. | ||
| And when you go to Lumosity, just tell them that I sent you. | ||
| I think it's a reference box. | ||
| Oh, how'd you find out about Lumosity? | ||
| Joe Rogan, bitch. | ||
| And you can say that, too. | ||
| Joe Rogan, bitch. | ||
| I probably won't even get credit for it, but it'd be funnier. | ||
| So go ahead. | ||
| Say Joe Rogan, bitch. | ||
| I'm like, well, Joe Rogan, it seems that no one from your show went to Lumosity, but everybody from Joe Rogan Bitch went there. | ||
| Joe Rogan, bitch? | ||
| Would that get past its filter? | ||
| Dot, dot, dot, bitch? | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| What I like about it, what I think is interesting is you can personalize your goals, which is kind of odd when you first start doing it because you're like, wait a minute. | ||
| You can... | ||
| Why wouldn't it be better to click everything? | ||
| I guess maybe it would be too difficult. | ||
| But as you're doing it, it gives you memory. | ||
| It gives you a bunch of options. | ||
| Recalling the location of objects, remembering the names after first introduction, which I suck a fat one at. | ||
| Are you good at remembering people's names right after you meet them? | ||
| No, I'm horrible at it. | ||
| People always think my memory is really good because I remember fights. | ||
| If you ask me about MMA, I can pull a Keith Hackney fight. | ||
| Keith Hackney vs. | ||
| Joseon from 93, 94. I'll tell you what happened in that fight. | ||
| I'll talk to you about ball punches. | ||
| You're great at detail. | ||
| I remember some things. | ||
| I remember some things. | ||
| But my memory is not the best, if I don't care. | ||
| You rock those Russian and European names at the weigh-ins. | ||
| I'm always impressed by that. | ||
| They have to go over those with me several times before I go out there. | ||
| I fucked up Omi Lonchuk though. | ||
| Omi Lonchuk was a guy that fought this last weekend in Toronto. | ||
| It was so hard. | ||
| Omi Lonchuk? | ||
| It's weird the way it's written. | ||
| Tough guy though. | ||
| You can keep track of several ideas at the same time. | ||
| Allegedly. | ||
| I'm a little skeptical Sam Tripoli. | ||
|
unidentified
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Right. | |
| How are you going to fix my broken brain, son? | ||
| If yours is broken, mine must be... | ||
| All brains are broken. | ||
|
unidentified
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In the heap. | |
| They're flawed. | ||
| You know what helps it? | ||
| Alpha Brain. | ||
| Take some right now. | ||
| While I'm on the podcast. | ||
| Oh, Alpha Brains, Fred. | ||
| Yay, Alpha Brains. | ||
| I wonder if it improves the score. | ||
| What is the word on that? | ||
| The words on what? | ||
| On AlphaBrain. | ||
| It's delicious. | ||
| It's nutritious. | ||
| It's good for the whole family. | ||
| Good for your dome. | ||
| Attention. | ||
| Maintain focus on important tasks. | ||
| For those who have been asking about AlphaBrain, we'll talk about that next. | ||
| The studies on alpha brain will finally be published, allegedly, in February. | ||
| It takes a long time to get into a scientific journal about stuff, so people have been asking about the results of the double-blind placebo test. | ||
| We did what's called a pilot test, and then we're going to do a big fat test after this, but it's because the pilot test is very encouraging. | ||
| I guess that would help you if you took Lumosity. | ||
| I think the idea behind something like Lumosity is that your brain, much like everything else, grows in strength with repetition and focus. | ||
| It seems to work as far as my brain when it comes to stand-up comedy. | ||
| The more I'm doing stand-up, The more I'm in that stand-up comedy vibe, it seems like a mental shape. | ||
| Like you get in comedy shape. | ||
| Don't you feel like that? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You ever take like two weeks off from stand-up? | ||
| Dude, I took a few months off. | ||
| And you go back to it, you're like, whoa! | ||
| It's like you think you're just going to step right into it and start running. | ||
| And you're like, your timing's a little off. | ||
| You're like, what was that line there? | ||
| You know what I figured out, though? | ||
| How to stop that from happening? | ||
| Record yourself. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, it's big. | ||
| It's huge. | ||
| What do you do? | ||
| Do you just play it back or do you upload it to something? | ||
| Well, play it back and take notes. | ||
| Listen and take notes. | ||
| I gotta do that, dude. | ||
| It's hard to do because it's work. | ||
| It's work. | ||
| You don't want to listen to yourself. | ||
| You're gross. | ||
| I do hate listening to myself. | ||
| I gotta edit this CD and I just can't listen to it. | ||
| Jim Norton told me that when he was editing his special, which was very funny by the way, he wanted to hang himself. | ||
| He put a fucking belt up on the coat hanger in the closet. | ||
| He goes, I wasn't going to do it, but I just put it up there. | ||
| I just wanted to let myself know I fucking suck. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You were thinking about hanging yourself? | ||
| What? | ||
| He goes, I wasn't actually going to go through with it. | ||
| It was like, whoa. | ||
| I like to keep it on the table. | ||
| That's how bad comedians hate listening to themselves. | ||
| If you talk to a comedian who loves listening to himself, he's a douchebag. | ||
| There are people who like to play back their stuff over and over again. | ||
| You're like, oh, what's wrong with you? | ||
| How about play it for you? | ||
| Hey, listen to this. | ||
| Listen to this bit I did. | ||
| Listen to this bit I did. | ||
| Just listen to this one bit. | ||
| No! | ||
| Uncomfortable. | ||
| No, no, no, no, no, no, no. | ||
| Another thing that Lumosity helps is flexibility. | ||
| The idea of mental flexibility. | ||
| Communicating clearly. | ||
| You know sometimes when you're communicating, it's difficult to find the right way to describe something. | ||
| The idea is that the more often you do that, the easier it will be. | ||
| It's absolutely true. | ||
| Because when I think about the things that I do, like a lot of the things that I do, like MMA commentary, would be very difficult to do if you hadn't done it before. | ||
| And the more you do it, the more you get sort of sharp at it. | ||
| Well, Lumosity treats it like there's exercises you can do that will allow you to be flexible in your ideas in that sort of a way. | ||
| Thinking outside the box, avoiding errors, multitasking. | ||
| How's your multitasking skill, Sam Tripling? | ||
| Incredibly hard. | ||
| Incredibly bad. | ||
| About as bad as can be, right? | ||
|
unidentified
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Right. | |
| Comedians are the worst fucking multitaskers in the history of the world. | ||
| Impulsive shitheads. | ||
| Well, it's multitasking, but it's a bad, it's ADD version of multitasking, where, like, I try to do 90 things, but yet nothing gets done. | ||
| I know what you're talking about. | ||
| You're like, man, I want to do this over here. | ||
| And then at the end of the day, I'm like, I've got nothing accomplished. | ||
| Every time I talk to Brian Callen, he wants to fucking start yachting. | ||
| I want to go sailboating. | ||
| I'm thinking about doing a sambo. | ||
| Maybe samba and sambo. | ||
| Learn to dance and choke people. | ||
| Dude, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| He wants to do everything. | ||
| Brian Callen got done telling me, like I was talking about being gluten-free, that I've been gluten-free for like three months. | ||
| He goes, yeah, I don't eat any of that stuff, you know, breads and breads. | ||
| I go, you just had a sandwich right in front of me. | ||
| And you had bread with dinner last night. | ||
| I saw you buttered bread. | ||
| He goes, very little of it. | ||
| I barely eat any of it. | ||
| I go, you had bread every time you hadn't been here. | ||
| You've been here for three days. | ||
| You've had bread every single day. | ||
| Like, what are you talking about? | ||
| You guys are both pretty shredded for your ages, man. | ||
| I'm pretty impressed. | ||
| Am I sexy? | ||
| Yeah, very much. | ||
| He just decides that he's gluten-free. | ||
| I'm like, you're not gluten-free. | ||
| You're fucking lying. | ||
| You eat bread every goddamn day. | ||
| The story fits what reality he wants. | ||
| He's hilarious, but it's that thing. | ||
| One of the most entertaining dudes I've ever met. | ||
| We did a USO together, and we flew cross-country, and everybody was jet-lagged. | ||
| And when you do a USO, you've got to meet everybody at the base. | ||
| It's a big day for them. | ||
| The comedians are going to come around, and you meet everybody. | ||
| You go on this mini tour of the base. | ||
| You meet everybody, and they tell you what they do. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Man, everybody was jet-lagged, but man, Brian put on a show, dude. | ||
| He was just on. | ||
| I mean, just what you see on stage, he was doing in their offices. | ||
| So when he came up onto the stage and I introduced him, first guy up, walked up to his standing O. He had already loved everybody mentally that they had loved him right out the gate. | ||
| You already told this story on this podcast before, but it's a great story. | ||
| Oh, thank you. | ||
| It's a great story. | ||
| It's been a while. | ||
| That is Brian Callen. | ||
| That is Brian. | ||
| I remember it because I remember you saying about everybody. | ||
| Not that I haven't told a million fucking stories 80 times. | ||
| Sometimes I forget what story I've told. | ||
| Dude, we're almost 400 podcasts. | ||
| Each one of them is like at least two hours, most of them three hours long. | ||
| So how the fuck could you possibly... | ||
| When it comes to stand-up, do you ever find yourself... | ||
| Somewhat repeating a premise, even though it's kind of a different take, but it's the same kind of premise. | ||
| I'm learning that your perspective on stuff is almost the same, and there's only so much maybe to talk about. | ||
| I feel like even with myself, I've seen where you're like, okay, that's a lot like an old joke I used to tell. | ||
| Yeah, it's very possible. | ||
| Anyway, lumasi.com. | ||
| Yeah, check it out. | ||
| Tell them Joe Rogan sent you. | ||
| We're also brought to you by Onnit.com. | ||
| That's O-N-N-I-T. If you haven't seen the new Primal Bells Inn, there's three of them now. | ||
| There's a gorilla, a chimpanzee, and a new orangutan. | ||
| And every time someone buys an orangutan, five bucks goes to help save orangutans. | ||
| All these animals, chimps, gorillas, they're all endangered. | ||
| We're assholes and we like to kill monkeys. | ||
| That's a fact. | ||
| It's horrible. | ||
| I say we as in human race, not Sam and I, and not Jamie either. | ||
| He's not a monkey killer by any stretch of the imagination. | ||
| I spanked a monkey, that's about it. | ||
| Sometimes monkeys are cunts though. | ||
| A bunch of monkeys kill a guy in India. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Maybe the Indian guy started it. | ||
| He might have been a dick. | ||
| But these aren't monkeys anyway. | ||
| They're apes. | ||
| People get real specific about that. | ||
| You say monkey, but you really mean ape. | ||
| Yes, I mean ape. | ||
| God damn it. | ||
| There's some people who just monkeys are their life. | ||
| Gorillas, orangutans, and chimps. | ||
| I work out with them myself. | ||
| They're cool. | ||
| I like to fantasize when I work out. | ||
| And my fantasy is that one of these things is trying to fuck me up. | ||
| I get scared. | ||
| You're holding on to a... | ||
| Look at that chimpanzee face. | ||
| That's an evil... | ||
| Oh, the gorilla, too. | ||
| Look at that motherfucker. | ||
| Can you imagine if that motherfucker was hovering over you, about to put a beat down on you? | ||
| What do you do, man? | ||
| You curl up in a ball. | ||
|
unidentified
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And you cry. | |
| You hope he gets tired of beating the shit out of you. | ||
| And that's probably not going to help. | ||
| He's probably going to take you apart like a fucking pistachio nut. | ||
| Like the shell of a nut. | ||
| Snap. | ||
| They'll just separate you. | ||
| They're so strong. | ||
| We can't even wrap our heads around how strong those fucking things are. | ||
| But you can be stronger with Primal Bells. | ||
| We sell regular kettlebells too if you're one of those conservative, no-nonsense type who doesn't want to be fancy. | ||
| Traditional cowbellist. | ||
| But the kettlebells that we sell, as far as the Primal Bells, they only go up to 72 pounds. | ||
| But as far as the regular plain ones, we have them up to 90 pounds. | ||
| And if you can lift one of those 90 pound things, you are a motherfucker. | ||
| That's impressive shit. | ||
| I don't do a 90 pound one. | ||
| Is that official status? | ||
| You've reached motherfucker status? | ||
| Yeah, that's motherfucker status. | ||
| A 90 pound kettlebell will also be sure to piss your mailman off to no end. | ||
| Make no mistake about it. | ||
| When I picked up the 70 pound one, the look they had on their face, they wanted to fucking drop it on my dick. | ||
| That would be uncomfortable. | ||
| There's a bunch of women working there as well, and it's really not fair. | ||
| I wish they would let me know when they're coming in, and I would be there to load it off the truck. | ||
| That involves teamwork. | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| Oh, you know there was a lot of that, too. | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| Let me know when it reaches the post office. | ||
| I'll go get it. | ||
| Don't bring it to my house. | ||
| Make me lift some 70-pound back. | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| Anyway, for savagery, go to Onnit.com. | ||
| We saw all kinds of shit. | ||
| Protein supplements, the Alpha Brain, of course, Shroom Tech Sport, New Mood. | ||
| Have you ever tried any New Mood, Samwise? | ||
| No, I have not. | ||
| It's very good for you. | ||
| It's 5-HTP and L-tryptophan enhancement supplements for your serotonin. | ||
| L-tryptophan actually converts to 5-HTP, and 5-HTP actually does enhance your mood. | ||
| You should be very careful about it, though, if you're on medication, especially if you're on SSRIs. | ||
| Those are a lot of the antidepressants. | ||
| They tell people, do not take 5-HTP while you're taking an SSRI, because too much serotonin is not a good thing. | ||
| That's a lot of paperwork. | ||
| You've got to be careful, son. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh! | |
| Alright, so go to honor.com, check out everything, and if you use the code name ROGAN, you will save 10% off any and all supplements. | ||
| Beautiful, talented, and delicious young Sammy Tripoli is here, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| You should get, like, one thing that they say in everything. | ||
| What's that? | ||
| Like, ROGAN BITCH. They should have, and all your companies you work with. | ||
| Don't worry about me, man. | ||
| Don't worry about me. | ||
| I won't worry about you. | ||
| Cue the music. | ||
| Sam's here. | ||
|
unidentified
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The Joe Rogan Experience. | |
| It's my night! | ||
| All day! | ||
| Sammy boy! | ||
| I've got an official Sam Tripoli, the Naughty Show t-shirt on right now, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| You can buy these at Walmart, Burger King, food chains. | ||
| All over the place. | ||
| All over the country. | ||
| They're going to sell them at NASA. They're going to sell them on the space shuttle. | ||
| Those bitches get bored up there. | ||
| Naughtyshow.net. | ||
| Check it out. | ||
| Buy a shirt. | ||
| Help a brother. | ||
| If you've never seen Sam's show, he puts together stand-up comedy with a bunch of crazy videos. | ||
| I was there once and I saw a girl beat a man with a belt. | ||
| Yeah, that was classic Naughty show. | ||
| There's a lot of porn stars answering trivia questions. | ||
| It's basically chaos. | ||
| It is chaos. | ||
| It's a big, crazy, chaotic, silly fest. | ||
| It's a comedy circus, man. | ||
| Much like Sam's mind. | ||
| Yes, it is. | ||
| It's all over the place. | ||
| That's your mind, and that's the kind of show you're creative. | ||
| It's all the outlaws. | ||
| You know, people focus on the adult film stars, and they're really just a small part of a huge thing. | ||
| And it's just bringing out all this, you know, you call them savages, all the late-night rumblers of people who, like, can't get on The Tonight Show. | ||
| Like, all these crazy burlesque people, and comics come and do real comedy they want to do, and just crazy pole dancers who, like, I mean, like... | ||
| It's madness. | ||
| It is madness. | ||
| I've done it several times, and it's always a great crowd. | ||
| I mean, even though it's madness, they're really fun people. | ||
| They're there to have a good time. | ||
| When's your next one? | ||
| We're thinking about doing October 25th at this place called Lyrics on La Brea. | ||
| Oh, nice. | ||
| Yeah, it's really nice. | ||
| I like to move it to different places, man. | ||
| You know, the comedy store is great, but it's time to move it somewhere else and try a little different, you know? | ||
| I was trying to do Beecher's Madhouse, but that guy, it's a little crazy over there. | ||
| Great guy, it just didn't work out. | ||
| So I got this new room, and it's lyrics, and it's a nice room, so it's about 150, and we're gonna crush it. | ||
| Very nice. | ||
| And so this is October 20-what? | ||
| 25th. | ||
| What day is that? | ||
| That's a Friday night. | ||
| Sweet baby Jesus. | ||
| But the 24th, October 24th, I also do a new awesome show that you gotta check out. | ||
| It's called The Comedy Rap Battles. | ||
| It's like 8 Mile meets stand-up comedy, and it's awesome. | ||
| It is awesome. | ||
| Comedy rap battles? | ||
| Yeah, dude. | ||
| Comedians do like a five-minute set, and then they have a rap battle. | ||
| And dude, people light each other up. | ||
| It is the most entertaining show you'll ever see, man. | ||
| It's the best. | ||
| I'm so proud of it. | ||
| I work with a bunch of Chris Byrne and a whole bunch of other guys, and we put it together. | ||
| Man, it just crushes. | ||
| Now, have any comedians lashed out physically at any other comedians during a rap battle? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| I think everybody gets it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's like they feel bad if they don't light somebody up, but people get lit up. | |
| Lit up. | ||
| It does happen in the rap ones, though. | ||
| Occasionally dudes punch each other. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| I mean, some of those guys get pretty nasty and personal. | ||
| They go after the moms. | ||
| I think these comedians, but they're vicious. | ||
| It's a fun show, man. | ||
| I'm really impressed by it. | ||
| We're getting some big-name DJs coming down to this one at the Improv on the 24th, and it's going to be a great show, man. | ||
| It's going to be a great show. | ||
| That sounds awesome. | ||
| That sounds fun. | ||
| Do you know who's on the card? | ||
| Like the full card? | ||
| Put it together still? | ||
| For the rap battle? | ||
| Some of these people, the really great comics are like, you can't advertise me. | ||
| I'm like, well, what are we doing? | ||
| Wait a minute. | ||
| They tell you you can't advertise me? | ||
| Yeah, there's a couple people who are like, yeah, I want to do it, but I can't advertise you. | ||
| Why is that? | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| That's silly. | ||
| That is silly. | ||
| I don't get that. | ||
| I don't get it either. | ||
| That was a big thing at the store. | ||
| People didn't want their names up on the marquee. | ||
| Like, why? | ||
| Some comics are just like that, man. | ||
| But we're making it a whole big block party. | ||
| We're taking a whole parking lot of the improv. | ||
| We're going to have outside DJs, dancers everywhere. | ||
| It's going to be a whole... | ||
| Crazy ass thing. | ||
| The only thing that makes sense to me about not wanting your name is if you're trying out totally new shit and you want a completely neutral audience. | ||
| Like you don't want people that are there for you. | ||
| They might give you a little bit of extra juice that you don't deserve with a bit. | ||
| You don't want to work on your new material in front of your crowd because you know that they're going to laugh at it. | ||
| You want to try it differently. | ||
| That is a possibility. | ||
| There is that. | ||
| And there's also that you might not want to do it for your crowd because it's not ready yet. | ||
| So you feel like I'm okay to do it in front of these random folks. | ||
| But if people are paying to see me, the bits aren't ready yet. | ||
| Is that a hard thing? | ||
| It could be that. | ||
| Some bits. | ||
| Some bits are just weird, man. | ||
| Some bits, they come together. | ||
| I've got a few bits that literally the day I wrote them, they were done. | ||
| At least in a basic structural form. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| But there's other ones. | ||
| I'm moving them around. | ||
| I put the end in the beginning, the beginning, and the end. | ||
| You just know something's funny. | ||
| You're like, there's something there. | ||
| I just got to mine it to get it. | ||
| I got this one right now, man. | ||
| I got this one right now. | ||
| It either kills or it sucks a fat dick. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| And I know when it's in the middle whether or not it's going to be one or the other. | ||
| And I know that I have to stick with it even if it's sucking a fat dick and try to find the way out. | ||
| Now you say you record it. | ||
| Is it ever like a certain word makes it go different? | ||
| I find like sometimes when I say it one way it blows up and then if I forget to do it that way it just fucking flatlines the room. | ||
| Sometimes it's hard to see when you're the guy doing it too. | ||
| Like you need to like step back and listen to it. | ||
| And when you listen to it and you're all quiet, you're not saying a word, you're listening to yourself. | ||
| Sometimes you go, oh, that comes out wrong. | ||
| You know, it sounds more like this. | ||
| Or maybe people could possibly think that instead of this. | ||
| You know, it's just good to listen to it. | ||
| It's not fun. | ||
| It's not enjoyable. | ||
| You know, but like, especially if I'm on a plane or something like that, I gotta go somewhere, I just listen to my sets. | ||
| We were talking earlier about getting really rusty. | ||
| The thing that saves you from getting really rusty is listening to sets. | ||
| Listening, going over the bits, making notes. | ||
| Then once you start doing it, it'll kind of come out naturally. | ||
| I think you're totally right. | ||
| I should do it more. | ||
| I don't know why. | ||
| I just like to do it organically, and I think it's a horrible way out. | ||
| Because you're a lazy bitch. | ||
| Dude, you say I'm a lazy bitch. | ||
| That's not the first time you've said that. | ||
| I just, I work, I got a million irons going. | ||
| I've just got a million irons going. | ||
| From the moment I wake up to the moment I go to bed, I'm just working these irons. | ||
| Right, but you're also working some irons that are unnecessary in comparison to that iron. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| The iron of sitting and listening to material. | ||
| But that requires, that's actually like work. | ||
| It's like writing. | ||
| Like sitting in front of the computer and writing. | ||
| There's a lot of friends that I know that are really good comedians that don't ever do that. | ||
| And they just can't ADD out themselves enough to sit in front of a laptop and just write. | ||
| Or sit in front of a notebook and just write. | ||
| They can't do it. | ||
| So they come up with all these excuses. | ||
| I write in my head. | ||
| Like, I found that if I put it down, it takes away... | ||
| Just something in the delivery isn't the same when I structure it out. | ||
| But what I do is, you know, because I'll just be driving around, taking care... | ||
| I just work the bit in my head over and over again and over. | ||
| And I'll try to go up on stage with about three or four new jokes. | ||
| Where they kind of beat it out, and then I let the crowd kind of feel it, and I just kind of go with it. | ||
| But I don't necessarily sit down and type. | ||
| I wish I could. | ||
| I'll write down in my joke, premise, this premise, premise, premise, and I'll work them out in my head, and then I'll go on stage and be like, okay, that works, that doesn't work, and I make mental notes in my head. | ||
| Well, I definitely have done that before, and I think that if that works for you, it's all really about how much focus you're putting into it. | ||
| If your focus is you just sitting there going over it and redoing it over and over again in your head and then just writing down the premise, I think that's basically just like writing. | ||
| It's just you're not actually putting it down on a piece of paper. | ||
| The one thing about writing, though, is they say that, especially physically writing, like pen and paper, not just typing, When you physically write something, it helps memory retention. | ||
| It aids quite a bit. | ||
| If you look at my notebook, like from my comedy notebook, it looks like I'm a crazy person. | ||
| I'm sure. | ||
| Because it's the same thing written over and over and over and over again. | ||
| It's like, all work, no play, makes Jack a dull boy. | ||
| Because that's what I do when I'm writing my bits out before a show. | ||
| I'm just trying to get the key components seared into my brain. | ||
| And then from there... | ||
| But I write right. | ||
| I like to sit in front of a laptop. | ||
| No, I know that about you. | ||
| I wish I could do that. | ||
| It's just I've tried to be like the guy who sits down like, I'm going to write this out. | ||
| And then go on stage, it just something gets lost in translation. | ||
| But I just, I mean, I'm talking to myself in my head constantly. | ||
| I used to do it when I worked at the Standard Hotel. | ||
| They used to think I was a crazy guy, and the Hispanic maid service wouldn't sit next to me during lunch because they would see me talking to myself all day, just working on the bit, acting it out, just to get through the day of this job that I was very thankful for, but it was killing my soul. | ||
| But that's how I would get through the day, just working on these bits, playing them out in my head. | ||
| And then by the time I got on stage, I would have this somewhat crafted bit already on stage. | ||
| Yeah, I used to do that when I drove limos. | ||
| I used to drive around and pretend like I was doing the bit as I was driving. | ||
| I find that when you're doing certain tasks, especially driving with no radio on... | ||
| Driving with no radio on is a good thing to do. | ||
| Not enough people do it, but just driving around and just thinking. | ||
| Like sometimes you can figure some shit out and you have ideas that come to you because you're not being inundated by constant ideas of other people, whether it's advertisements or songs you don't really want to hear and changing channels, deciding what to listen to. | ||
| Silence. | ||
| Just drive sometimes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And the ideas can come to you. | ||
| I completely agree with that. | ||
| I've been now trying to talk more stories on stage and it's a little, it's a transition. | ||
| It's not as easy as I thought it was going to be, but you got to just work through it. | ||
| And now that I've been on stage, I'm trying to be a little more honest with what's gone in my life because I've had a crazy life with my drug problem and all that stuff and just all the crazy places I put myself into and all that stuff. | ||
| You know, the crowds have really been reacting to it really well, man. | ||
| I'm really impressed, like, you know, the comments I'm getting on stage. | ||
| This is something you've done, this is the first time you've done this? | ||
| I've been, like, yeah. | ||
| And how many years have you been doing stand-up now? | ||
| 15. So, um, within like 14 years in is when you started getting this change? | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| It was a combination of like I'd start talking about something and then like three months later I'd see everybody talking about it. | ||
| Not that they're taking from me, just it's in the air. | ||
| So I'm like, I want to do something different. | ||
| So I'm like, I got all these crazy stories of my life. | ||
| You know, that I just never talked about on stage. | ||
| And just getting to the place where I'm comfortable with being honest about, you know, all the crazy shit that happened to me. | ||
| And, you know, just going on stage and seeing how it reacts. | ||
| And even if it doesn't get a laugh, necessarily. | ||
| And it does. | ||
| Some of the stuff's real, real. | ||
| You know, it just builds this kind of credibility with the crowd that they'll go with me on other stuff. | ||
| Like, it's a vulnerability. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, it's also you being a real person as opposed to a guy putting on a show. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And putting on the show is like the armor that you throw up when you first start doing stand-up. | ||
| You know, I had a breaking point the other day where, you know, I was at the store and I was just watching a bunch of funny comics go up. | ||
| But nobody was being real on stage. | ||
| I'm not taking anything away from them because there are some really funny young comics coming up that I really enjoy. | ||
| But I just found with comedy, everybody wants to hear what they already know. | ||
| They want to really laugh. | ||
| It's gotten so much about relatability to the point that I just feel like people want to hear premises about stuff we all already agree upon. | ||
| And I just don't want to do that stuff. | ||
| So I've been really breaking through. | ||
| And it can be a hard place when you're doing this really... | ||
| Okay, but is it that people want that? | ||
| Or is that what they're being fed? | ||
| Well, I think they're being fed because that's what they seem most comfortable about. | ||
| Or that's what gets the biggest reaction. | ||
| Yeah, that's all it is. | ||
| It's what gets the biggest reaction. | ||
| So people do it because they want to get that reaction. | ||
| So you start getting that... | ||
| Hey man, you remember when you were in school and you write a note, do you like me? | ||
| Check yes or no. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| People remember that. | ||
| I relate to that. | ||
| I know that. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| So it's not even really that funny, but it's very relatable. | ||
| Very relatable. | ||
| But that's not, I mean, it's also sometimes it's funny. | ||
| I mean, sometimes it's a real moment that someone's trying to recall from. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| I know what you're saying though. | ||
| I know that thing where you're seeing a lot of jokey joke type shit and you're longing for a Richard Pryor type act. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| You're longing for someone to go up there and just take it to another level. | ||
| Which is why after a long time of resisting the late night spots at the comedy store, I very much embrace them now because there's a lot more room for me just to... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Experiment. | |
| And if I fail, I fail. | ||
| If it goes well, it goes well. | ||
| But when it hits, it's like, it's gold. | ||
| Yeah, those 10 people rooms, you know, where it's like 1 o'clock in the morning, you finally get on stage and they've seen everything. | ||
| If you can make those motherfuckers laugh. | ||
| Blood from a stone. | ||
| You got something. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And it's like running with weights on. | ||
| I was doing the main room. | ||
| You know, I've been blessed. | ||
| I've been gigging a lot on the road. | ||
| But I've been, you know, I'll do a couple weekends at the Comedy Store. | ||
| And, you know, I get the last spot in the main room, which is where I can do like an hour if I want to. | ||
| And just last week, it was a great crowd. | ||
| By the end of the night, I'm going up. | ||
| Usually my Saturday spot is Sunday. | ||
| So I'll go up around like 12.45pm. | ||
| And the crowd was still there, and they were great, but right when I walk on the stage, these two dudes in the front row just jump me. | ||
| They're just trying to heckle me right out the gate, and I'm very blessed that I've been doing comedy long enough that I'm dead on the inside. | ||
| It's like burnt wood at this point. | ||
| There's no real reaction you're getting me, so everything you're throwing at me is a waste, and I'm just going to hit you with everything. | ||
| So, I mean, I'm just hitting these dudes. | ||
| Bam! | ||
| The crowd is going nuts! | ||
| I mean, just going, applause break. | ||
| At like 12.45 at night, boom, boom, boom! | ||
| This guy, I don't know, I just say something. | ||
| I go, where's your wife? | ||
| He goes, at home. | ||
| I'm like, yeah, buried in the backyard. | ||
| And the place goes nuts and he just turns. | ||
| He's like, really, motherfucker? | ||
| Really? | ||
| And he just starts going nuts. | ||
| He gets up, he tries to grab his drink and throw it at me. | ||
| His friend grabs his arm, stops it. | ||
| So he starts walking out and man, this dude grabs a chair. | ||
| And tries to throw it at me on stage and luckily his friends got it because it was going to hit somebody in the front row. | ||
| But I just get this weird reaction out of these people. | ||
| They try to like hurt my feelings. | ||
| That's the store though too. | ||
| The store is, I had two people throw drinks at me at the store. | ||
| One guy threw a bottle of water at me and one guy threw a glass at me. | ||
| Yeah, and you gotta dodge it. | ||
| The star is a dark, dark place, man. | ||
| First of all, there's zero crowd control. | ||
| The comedians have to do their own crowd control. | ||
| And you have to, like, kick people out. | ||
| The only guy who used to kick people out was Harris Pete. | ||
| Crazy Harris Pete, man. | ||
| I've had more people removed from the comedy store than any other place I've ever played ever. | ||
| It was so bad and it would fuck with everybody. | ||
| There would be such evil moments there that I would buy the entire room drinks. | ||
| I remember that. | ||
| I did that several times. | ||
| I remember that. | ||
| Because it was like, look, we're all in this together. | ||
| I'm not trying to make money here. | ||
| You can't be an asshole. | ||
| All the door guys look like they're in some emo band that has keyboardists and triangles. | ||
| And it's just like, it's like death cap for cutie is security for the... | ||
| I'm like, dude, who's securing who, man? | ||
| Yeah, tight pants and knit caps. | ||
| Skinny jeans. | ||
| Knit caps pulled too low. | ||
| Yeah, crying. | ||
| You know, it's just like, it's crazy. | ||
| So, I mean, I've had a couple instances of that, man. | ||
| They don't have security there. | ||
| They really don't have security. | ||
| Not real security. | ||
| I just don't know why they just don't get the... | ||
| You remember Dublin's had that big black security guard? | ||
| Has to be black. | ||
| You have to mention that? | ||
| I called him deep space. | ||
| He was so big and black. | ||
| I've never seen a human being with this big of hands in my life. | ||
| That's the guy you need. | ||
| Well, you need something. | ||
| The comedy store doesn't have anything. | ||
| I mean, do they have any security? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nothing. | |
| Is there one guy who's like a big guy who's trained in the arts? | ||
| Don Lewis was the last of the badass door guys. | ||
| He was this comic who just knew karate at a black belt. | ||
| He was a big yoke dude, too. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He used to date this 6'8 basketball player. | ||
| It's a good size. | ||
| Make a gladiator, baby. | ||
| Oh, right? | ||
| Don Lewis and some 6'8 white chick would be great. | ||
| But I've seen him take on three dudes at one time. | ||
| Yeah, sometimes you have to at that place. | ||
| Sometimes you have to. | ||
| Luckily, they're all drunk, though. | ||
| By the time you get in a fight with somebody at the comedy store, usually they're beyond hammered. | ||
| But Duncan brought it up. | ||
| It's like, how do you feel when you're the guy that goes after the comedian? | ||
| Like, the guy just trying to make you laugh and have a good time? | ||
| You go after him, try to physically assault him? | ||
| It's like, what is that? | ||
| Well, it's also Hollywood. | ||
| Part of it is Hollywood itself, because you get a disproportionate amount of people who think they deserve way more attention than they're getting. | ||
| Like, this is the place where they congregate. | ||
| This is the light that draws the moths. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| This is the place. | ||
| So they come here, and one of the things that they want to do is prove that they're better than everybody else. | ||
| You ever talk to someone who's like a really weak comedian that's sort of just starting out, and like, you know, we're gonna fucking own this town. | ||
| Did you ever see that movie... | ||
| Overnight. | ||
| You ever hear of the movie Overnight? | ||
| It's a fucking brilliant movie about this very thing. | ||
| It's about a guy who is the director of Boondock Saints. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Who wrote and directed Boondock Saints. | ||
| And they produced this movie where they... | ||
| Initially when they started following him, he had just gotten this huge development deal. | ||
| Because he wrote the script. | ||
| Harvey Weinstein bought it. | ||
| They bought the bar where he worked in as a bartender. | ||
| And now it's his bar and this whole thing. | ||
| And he's... | ||
| Overnight success. | ||
| Okay, well you watch this guy become the most bloated asshole because of all this success that he's having and all this adulation he's getting. | ||
| He believes his own hype and tailspins. | ||
| And the whole thing is, it's really fascinating to watch. | ||
| Really, really fascinating to watch because the guy becomes just a fucking asshole. | ||
| For no reason. | ||
| When I used to work at Crunch, Gene Simmons' wife used to go work out there, and she was talking to me about fame. | ||
| And she said, what's the name of the lead singer, Kiss? | ||
| Paul Stanley. | ||
| Paul Stanley. | ||
| She said, Paul Stanley told her that fame doesn't change you. | ||
| Fame just amplifies whoever you are by a thousand times. | ||
| Well, this guy just decided that he was Billy Badass, and he was the baddest motherfucker. | ||
| There was all that. | ||
| They've never seen a fucking group of talent like us. | ||
| We're a triple threat. | ||
| It wouldn't be like, hey, I think we're going to have careers. | ||
| We're going to be successful. | ||
| I think we can make a good film. | ||
| I really think we can make a good film. | ||
| It wasn't any of that. | ||
| It was all, we're going to fucking dominate. | ||
| We're going to own. | ||
| We're going to take over this town. | ||
| It's a fascinating piece on watching... | ||
| The reaction to this guy, like he gets huge and he has all this arrogance and then it all implodes on him and you get to see the aftermath of it. | ||
| And it's a really interesting psychology or psychological Sort of a profile. | ||
| It's an interesting documentation of a process. | ||
| A process of hitting unfathomable heights of popularity. | ||
| Winning the lottery, basically. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you get that a lot on sets. | ||
| You hear that a lot. | ||
| You'll hear it about certain actors screaming everybody on the set. | ||
| Where's my fucking water in this... | ||
| You know, throw scripts at... | ||
| I don't want to say who it was, but she threw her coke in the face of the executive producer and said, if you fuck your wife the way you write, it's no wonder why you're getting a divorce. | ||
| Oh my god! | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Don't you think that has to do with how early, almost, you get it? | ||
| No, I think it's just some people, just the pressure. | ||
| First of all, the pressure of being on, like... | ||
| Let's go with Home Improvement. | ||
| When Home Improvement was the number one show in the country, the pressure must be madness. | ||
| It must be madness. | ||
| The reason why Charlie Sheen cracks like that... | ||
| Don't you think part of that is the pressure of just being Charlie Sheen? | ||
| Just the pressure of being on this gigantic fucking hit sitcom and everywhere you go people are following you with cameras and you just want to do coke? | ||
| You just want to go fucking crazy and smoke some rocks. | ||
| Was there a lot of pressure when you were doing Fear Factor? | ||
| Totally. | ||
| No. | ||
| Well, there's definitely a lot of pressure, but it wasn't the same thing because I wasn't really that famous. | ||
| It was like Fear Factor was famous. | ||
| I was just the host. | ||
| It's like, you know, like the guy who was the host of Survivor. | ||
| What's his name? | ||
| Greg Jeff? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Jeff Probst. | ||
| Jeff Probst. | ||
| Yeah, Jeff Probst. | ||
| When you watch Jeff Probst, like, you don't think like, oh, there's Jeff Probst. | ||
| It's like, oh, there's that guy who hosts Survivor. | ||
| Survivor's a big show. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| So Fear Factor was the big show. | ||
| I was just the host. | ||
| You were just the host. | ||
| It's not like being Charlie Sheen. | ||
| That's a different level kind of psychosis. | ||
| Can't go anywhere without people going, oh shit, Charlie Sheen! | ||
| Yo man, I like rocks too! | ||
| He's got that right kind of fame I talk about on stage where it's like he's above it, meaning no matter what he does, we're cool with it. | ||
| I mean, the guy locked the porn star in the bathroom after smoking crack and got a huge TV deal with FX. Anybody else, that's taken them down, but he's just at that level where it's like he's above it. | ||
| I mean, he's got a new movie coming out. | ||
| I like him. | ||
| I like those kind of characters. | ||
| Well, it's not that he's above it. | ||
| He owns it. | ||
| That's who he is. | ||
| That's who he is. | ||
| He accepts it. | ||
| The real problem is when someone pretends to be something they're not. | ||
| I agree with that. | ||
| If someone pretends to be like a Ted Haggard type dude, pretends to be this very pious religious leader who's trying to show people the way, meanwhile he's smoking meth and getting gay hookers. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's what people have a problem with. | ||
| It's not smoking meth and getting gay hookers. | ||
| Because if, you know, if George Michael did it and was just like honest about it, like, look, I got a lot of money, I really like meth, and I like hookers. | ||
| You know, they're big boys. | ||
| They know what they're doing. | ||
| They know what they're doing. | ||
| We're having a good time here. | ||
| Own your shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's no problem. | ||
| Nobody has a problem with male prostitution. | ||
| Everybody's trying to stop prostitution, but nobody puts any effort whatsoever into stopping male prostitution. | ||
| There's no campaigns. | ||
| There's no billboards. | ||
| There's fucking a lot of counseling to stop prostitution on the female side. | ||
| I've never seen a take back tonight. | ||
| These girls are getting used. | ||
| This is terrible. | ||
| They're being victimized and degraded. | ||
| Nobody cares about the boys. | ||
| They do not care. | ||
| Those guys are sucking dicks all day long for cash. | ||
| Nobody cares at all. | ||
| Because no one's looking out for men. | ||
| No one's looking out for men in this country. | ||
| Do you remember Fat Eddie that used to hang out at the comedy store? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| The Mexican guy? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Great guy. | ||
| It was his birthday, and everyone's buying him shots, and it kind of goes along the lines. | ||
| Everybody's protecting women. | ||
| You can't protect women enough, no matter what. | ||
| If a woman gets just shitfaced, you're like, you don't have to do this. | ||
| You don't have to do this. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Listen, no. | ||
| Go home. | ||
| Listen, we're worried about you. | ||
| You're too drunk. | ||
| Something bad's gonna happen. | ||
| Dude, Eddie's doing shots. | ||
| He's so drunk. | ||
| He's like, I want to go to a... | ||
| I forget the name of the nightclub, which is After Hours. | ||
| I don't want to go there. | ||
| Nobody's like, Eddie, don't do it. | ||
| We're like, you want us to drop you off by yourself? | ||
| He's like, yeah. | ||
| The guy's throwing up on the side of the car. | ||
| Nobody cares. | ||
| Nobody cares at all. | ||
| That Eddie might die in a dumpster. | ||
| Yeah, nobody cares about male porn. | ||
| Nobody cares about male prostitution. | ||
| Nobody's looking out for men, period. | ||
| I got called a men's rights dodo, MRA dodo, by this chick. | ||
| It was someone we were talking about, like, someone, the tweet had something to do with feminism. | ||
| And someone called me a male rights dodo. | ||
| And I was like, what does that even mean? | ||
| What does that mean? | ||
| I had to look up MRA. It's male rights advocate or male rights activist. | ||
| And I was like, wow. | ||
| So someone who's a feminist can make fun of someone who's a male rights activist? | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| Like, just that you would do that across the board. | ||
| Massive generalization. | ||
| Male rights advocate. | ||
| That's like saying, nope, men don't need any more help. | ||
| Like, no, no, no, we're not going to allow that. | ||
| No, we want feminism, but no help for men. | ||
| Like, as if there aren't some crazy divorce laws. | ||
| Everybody's heard of ridiculous, brutal, terrifying divorces where the men were essentially targeted. | ||
| Targeted, roped in, sucked in, scammed, and no one's looking out for those guys. | ||
| I can't believe that. | ||
| No one cares. | ||
| It's almost acceptable in this country for women to try to get pregnant by famous guys. | ||
| It's an acceptable practice. | ||
| Well, listen, and they say, he should know better, he should know better. | ||
| Maybe he should. | ||
| You're right. | ||
| Maybe he should. | ||
| But it's not cute to support what's essentially criminal behavior. | ||
| If someone's doing that, it's criminal behavior. | ||
| You know it, I know it. | ||
| It's kind of weird. | ||
| You know, a great example of what you're talking about is like anytime you hear a story about a woman cutting a man's privates off, you hear women laughing about that constantly. | ||
| Oh, I don't know about that. | ||
| I've never heard a woman laugh about it. | ||
| Oh, I've heard girls joke about it, that they think it's hilarious. | ||
| Maybe really dumb ones that you're hanging around with. | ||
| Which is who I choose to hang out with. | ||
| But you hear people laugh about that. | ||
| If it went the other way, nobody would be like, dude, that's not cool. | ||
| I agree there would be way more outrage if a guy cut off a woman's pussy, like cut it out, scooped it out. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Which there should be outrage, but it should be outrage both ways. | ||
| I mean, to cut off a man's genitals and like put it in a blender is like horrific. | ||
| It is horrific. | ||
| That lady was really evil. | ||
| And whether she was a man or a woman, that's just someone being evil to a person. | ||
| And that's kind of my point. | ||
| It's like, why wouldn't you be a male rights advocate? | ||
| What about that guy that got arrested for rape, did four years in jail, and it turned out that the girl was lying, and now she has to do two months, and she gets to do it on the weekends. | ||
| We talked about it the other day. | ||
| It's a terrible case. | ||
| This poor man, he was just the neighbor. | ||
| And the girl got caught watching pornography by her mother, so she concocted this story that she was sexually assaulted, and she said that the story just got bigger and bigger and bigger until it spiraled out of control. | ||
| We talked to a guy on Greg Fitzsimmons' show the other day who was falsely accused of rape, and he went to jail for six years before the woman finally recanted. | ||
| He has zero repercussion. | ||
| He never got a dime from the state. | ||
| All he got was an apology. | ||
| The woman never did a day of time. | ||
| And it was a woman who he just got drunk with, and she didn't want to tell her boyfriend that she cheated on him, so she made up a story about getting raped. | ||
| Famous, there's a football player who just got on Seattle. | ||
| Yeah, he was in jail for five years. | ||
| He was going to be like a five-star athlete at USC. Yeah, in the same situation. | ||
| There's no repercussion. | ||
| If you're not a male rights advocate in those instances, you're not a human. | ||
| You're not a humanist. | ||
| You care about women more than you care about the human race as a whole. | ||
| And the human race as a whole... | ||
| Absolutely women need to be protected, but guess what? | ||
| So do everyone. | ||
| So does every baby. | ||
| So does every adult. | ||
| So does every young boy. | ||
| When a boy is 5, do you protect him? | ||
| How about 10? | ||
| How about 20? | ||
| 20 is where you stop? | ||
| That's ridiculous. | ||
| I completely agree. | ||
| We're human beings. | ||
| And that's what you're dealing with is someone lying and ruining someone's life. | ||
| And that can happen on both sides. | ||
| The idea that you could make fun of someone who's looking out for men's rights, that's so gross. | ||
| If someone made fun of feminists, The values and ideas, the true values and ideas of equality in terms of law and employment and non-discrimination, all those things, if someone actually made fun of that just because they didn't like women, that would be disgusting. | ||
| It would be disgusting and misogynistic, but a woman can say that like male rights dodo or male rights advocate dummies, like, completely dismiss the idea that there should be someone looking out for men's rights. | ||
| But the idea is, the problem is, Who's going to come forth and say we need to change those laws? | ||
| Who's going to come forth and say, listen, if you want to falsely accuse someone of rape, you have to go to jail for the exact amount of time that you could have imprisoned that for. | ||
| Oh, I completely agree with that. | ||
| You should. | ||
| You absolutely should. | ||
| Why wouldn't that be? | ||
| That only seems logical. | ||
| Because they're not looking out for the human race. | ||
| They're looking out for Team Vagina first. | ||
| And they will even say that so many women are victimized that men should have to take the hit every now and then. | ||
| False accusations are acceptable as long as we limit the amount because they pale in comparison to the amount of women that are raped. | ||
| That sort of may be true, but it doesn't make them any less bad. | ||
| They're still really bad, and it fucks up the entire positive side of it. | ||
| It fucks up the entire pro-woman side of it. | ||
| If you're willing to ignore the fact that a guy is unjustly victimized, Yeah, I was talking, I had Tom Likas on my podcast. | ||
| Tom Likas! | ||
| The Naughty Show podcast, and he got in a lot of trouble because he would give out the names of the victims in these sexual stories when the story was coming out that they weren't being honest. | ||
| And, you know, I personally don't think any name in a sexual assault case should be put out until a final verdict comes out. | ||
| I don't know if that's realistic, but, I mean, especially today when anybody can accuse... | ||
| Well, how about a final verdict like this guy's case where he's in jail for four years? | ||
| He could have... | ||
| I mean, he was essentially labeled as a rapist for four years. | ||
| I mean, is it okay to talk about it then when it turns out four years later that it wasn't? | ||
| I agree with that. | ||
| I mean, personally, I would like nobody's name to be put out at all because... | ||
| Again, you could find out later on that they are innocent, but just the accusation towards a man, TMZ will run with it. | ||
| If you're somewhat famous, they'll say, your name, bright lights everywhere, and alleged victim, and you never hear their name. | ||
| And I understand a point of that, because you want women to come forward and not be afraid that their names can be splashed everywhere. | ||
| But let's not put the guy's name out until we actually know something. | ||
| It's interesting, but when you're in a position, like say if you're a famous basketball player or something along those lines, there's no innocent until proven guilty. | ||
| There's accuse them and then let them try to figure out how to exonerate themselves. | ||
| It happens very often. | ||
| And a lot of the times, it's just people that are crazy, that are making things up. | ||
| A lot of people don't know that Mike Tyson's story, when Mike Tyson went to jail for rape, did you know that the girl who accused him of rape also had a false accusation of rape? | ||
| That she had a drop a year before that. | ||
| She had made up a rape story a year before that. | ||
| This wasn't a new trick for her. | ||
| And I'm not saying that, you know, I don't know what happened or what didn't happen, but Mike Tyson is incredibly honest about his background, like what he did wrong, what he did right, how he was feeling, why he did the things he did, and he maintains this day that he did not rape that girl. | ||
| I saw his one-man show at the Pantages. | ||
| It was phenomenal. | ||
| What did he say about that? | ||
| He said that he didn't do it to this day. | ||
| He never did it. | ||
| He has no reason not to lie about it right now. | ||
| He's like, I'm being honest about everything else. | ||
| I have no reason to lie right now. | ||
| I believe him. | ||
| And he went to jail for that. | ||
| And I'm not saying that it wasn't, you know, like Mike Tyson was out of control. | ||
| I'm not saying it wasn't a case where there was a guy who was just like scaring the fuck out of people. | ||
| He was. | ||
| Look, you know, put yourself in his shoes. | ||
| Listen to his explanations of his life and you kind of understand where he was coming from. | ||
| I mean, I think for sure he was a very, very aggressive man. | ||
| But also for sure, like, how aggressive could he have been that that is okay? | ||
| I mean, how aggressive is it? | ||
| I mean, is he scary? | ||
| So it's okay to make up a lie about him? | ||
| Like, when is it okay? | ||
| It's never okay, man. | ||
| But to this day, that happened. | ||
| He went to jail. | ||
| And he's not the only guy. | ||
| It's happened to many people. | ||
| It is. | ||
| It's definitely, you know, one way towards one group than the other. | ||
| And it's just horrible, man. | ||
| I mean, you're ruining people's lives. | ||
| It doesn't have to be. | ||
| That's the real problem. | ||
| I don't think it has to be only the people that, you know, like the female, the weaker sex, are the ones in the weaker physically, are the ones that get the, you know, get the compassion. | ||
| Everybody should have compassion. | ||
| Isn't there a term for compassion? | ||
| Women who are sexist against men, it's like Mestrechny or something. | ||
| It's like, I forget the name of the word, but there's actually a label for it. | ||
| It's silly. | ||
| I'm for everybody, man. | ||
| I like everybody. | ||
| I really am. | ||
| If they're nice, right? | ||
| 100%. | ||
| If you treat people like a human being, I'm totally open to you. | ||
| And I get it that women have to deal with a lot of douchey guys. | ||
| I totally get it. | ||
| I've been a douchey guy in my life. | ||
| I think we all have. | ||
| Trying to figure out who the fuck you are. | ||
| You're 17 or 18 or what have you. | ||
| Growing up, maybe you're angry. | ||
| Maybe somebody catches you on the wrong day. | ||
| We've all been... | ||
| We've all said the wrong thing. | ||
| It's part of learning how to communicate with people. | ||
| So I can imagine being a woman, being pursued by a bunch of asshole, aggressive shitheads. | ||
| I mean, it was never that, but I can get that. | ||
| I understand that. | ||
| I get why you would think the guy's disgusting if somebody raped you. | ||
| I get why you would hate all men. | ||
| I totally get it. | ||
| I totally get it. | ||
| But we're not all the same. | ||
| No one's all the same. | ||
| There's nice women. | ||
| There's nice men. | ||
| There's nice people. | ||
| There's people that enjoy each other's company on both sides, on both sexes. | ||
| And we have to unite as a race against shitty, angry, nasty behavior. | ||
| I completely agree with that. | ||
| Victimizing people. | ||
| All that stuff is the real issue. | ||
| It has nothing to do with whether it's women to men or men to women. | ||
| It's gross on both sides. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's scary on both sides. | ||
| A woman that's willing to poison her husband and kill him is just as scary as a man who beats his wife to death. | ||
| They're both monsters. | ||
| They're terrifying people. | ||
| They're both as dangerous as the other ones. | ||
| Sometimes you see, like, these sentences where, like, a man and woman commit a crime, the guy gets life, the woman gets, like, three weeks in jail. | ||
| You know why? | ||
| Girls turn on the boy. | ||
| It wasn't my idea. | ||
| This motherfucker's crazy. | ||
| He's dragging me across the country. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, selling them out. | |
| Snitches get stitches. | ||
| Did you see this? | ||
| There's an article about this woman from Real Housewives of New Jersey. | ||
| Do you know this? | ||
| Oh, some kind of... | ||
| Yeah, housewife. | ||
| Is she on trial? | ||
| No, well, there's that one too. | ||
| She basically says rape is okay. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What?! | |
| Yeah, she's... | ||
| Melissa Gorga supports marital rape in her book. | ||
| What?! | ||
| She wrote a book about her hot marriage and it's hilarious shit because they take all these passages and Her husband is just a savage. | ||
| He's this guinea with a shaved head who wears leather pants, okay? | ||
| Right there, you're in trouble. | ||
| The leather pants are shady shit right there. | ||
| When you see them, I mean, look. | ||
| Ladies, that's a savage, alright? | ||
| Look at the size of that guy. | ||
| That's just how it goes. | ||
| And it's hilarious reading the book. | ||
| And I was reading it from a feminist site, which is really particularly fascinating because they were fucking furious. | ||
| They were so mad. | ||
| You know, he's this big meathead dude. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And apparently he just bangs her like a drum. | ||
| And he doesn't accept no. | ||
| I call it caveman fucking. | ||
| Yeah, he caveman fucks her. | ||
| But she looks super happy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, I was having a conversation. | ||
| I go to a dog park. | ||
| I got a pit bull and there's a bunch of other comics who have pit bulls and a bunch of female comics came up with their pit bulls at this dog park. | ||
| And all they were talking about was dick. | ||
| From the moment they got there to the moment they left, it was a conversation about dick and how they're planning dick and all this stuff. | ||
| And they were talking about this one guy. | ||
| She's like, should I fuck him? | ||
| Let him just caveman fuck you. | ||
| Just like knuckle drag, primate, fuck you. | ||
| And it's like, let it happen because that's what you want. | ||
| You see these girls with these emos and these skinny jeans and these guys crying? | ||
| Like, that's not it. | ||
| You need a nice caveman fuck. | ||
| Some girls. | ||
| Some girls don't want that, Sam Tripoli. | ||
| The point is, some girls do. | ||
| And everybody's mad at this girl because she likes it. | ||
| She likes to get gorilla fucked by this savage dude. | ||
| And people think it's horrible, it's terrible. | ||
| She likes to give in to his requests. | ||
| She likes to have dinner ready for him, or he gets pissed. | ||
| And everybody's like, this guy's an asshole. | ||
| You don't have to marry him. | ||
| She's just telling you, but the problem is she's giving advice. | ||
| And the guy writes in the book too. | ||
| Listen to this. | ||
| Men, I know you think your woman isn't the type who wants to be taken, but trust me, she is. | ||
| Every girl wants to get her hair pulled once in a while. | ||
| If your wife says no, turn her around, rip her clothes off. | ||
| She wants to be dominated. | ||
| Women don't realize how easy men are. | ||
| Just give us what we want. | ||
| That is hilarious. | ||
| That's really funny, man. | ||
| Some people are in the role-playing. | ||
| I love that role-playing. | ||
| I love that cosplay. | ||
| I think that's awesome. | ||
| If a man comes home, there's no dinner on the table, and his wife is on the phone watching TV or on the computer ignoring him, he won't feel respected. | ||
| What did you expect? | ||
| It's Real Housewives of Jersey. | ||
| That's what works for her. | ||
| If it works for them. | ||
| That's the point. | ||
| It works for them. | ||
| God damn it. | ||
| What's your problem? | ||
| People hate it. | ||
| Well, they hate it because it sends out a message to other girls, you know, that they have to tolerate that shit, and you might not want it. | ||
| But some people do. | ||
| Yeah, some people do. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, it's not my style. | ||
| I wouldn't want it if I was a woman either. | ||
|
unidentified
|
If you want to ape fuck your wife, ape fuck your wife. | |
| It's not even just ape-fucking. | ||
| I think he said rape. | ||
| No, don't rape. | ||
| No means no. | ||
| Unless you're role-playing. | ||
| But no means no. | ||
| It seemed like rape to me. | ||
| It's just hilarious. | ||
| It's really interesting. | ||
| There's real passionate sex and there's maintenance sex. | ||
| You need them both for healthy marriage. | ||
| Maintenance sex keeps the wheels greased, the lines of communication open, and the fights to a minimum. | ||
| It's basically controlling a zoo. | ||
| The way she handles being married is like being a zookeeper occasionally. | ||
| You gotta feed the monkeys. | ||
| Gotta feed the animals. | ||
| The animals have to be treated with respect. | ||
| Nothing wrong with that. | ||
| If it works for you. | ||
| Yeah, she fucking seems really happy. | ||
| If she's happy, you know, it should be like, this works for me. | ||
| You might want to try it. | ||
| It's really interesting, man. | ||
| It's really interesting. | ||
| It's really interesting, because you see how other people react to this person's life, and they're angry. | ||
| I think it'd be more funny than anything, but I guess a site like these feminist sites, I guess their point is that this sends a really bad message. | ||
| I've always felt like there's a difference between progressives and liberals. | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| Liberals are really open-minded to all thoughts. | ||
| I don't know if you can be open-minded to everything, but you're pretty much open-minded to different lives. | ||
| I feel like progressives are a little more skewed way to the left, kind of the way the neocons are skewed way to the right, where they have a certain vision of how the world should be. | ||
| It's more of an idealistic view of the world, whereas it's like Rosie O'Donnell versus Howard Stern. | ||
| I feel like Howard Stern and what he represents is more of a liberal base where he's like, he'll make fun of everybody. | ||
| Whereas Rosie O'Donnell has a certain view of how she should see the world, and it views progressive, you know, like feminism and all that stuff, and I'm open-minded to everybody. | ||
| I don't care if you're straight, gay, or whatever you're into, man, woman, whatever. | ||
| If you're a cool person, I'm down with it. | ||
| Yeah, I think the idea of progressive is just like anything else. | ||
| Call yourself a Republican, call yourself a Democrat, call yourself a liberal, call yourself a conservative. | ||
| The reality is... | ||
| Who you are is probably a gigantic spectrum of different things. | ||
| And to narrow it down to one or the other. | ||
| And to want other people to be like you is insane. | ||
| Idealism. | ||
| If somebody reads this and they have a problem that this woman lives like this, personally... | ||
| Then, if she likes it, what if she likes it? | ||
| Is that okay? | ||
| Like, I was looking at this Twitter page the other day, and there was some crazy lady who likes to get ball gagged. | ||
| And she's like, there's a smile behind this ball gag, and she's showing her rope marks on her arms, and she's like in a bondage and shit like that. | ||
| But that's what she's into. | ||
| It isn't real feminism, like, allowing all the full spectrum of human behavior... | ||
| Right to choose. | ||
| ...in the female mind. | ||
| You know, just like in the... | ||
| I mean, it's a fucking... | ||
| It's ridiculous. | ||
| If this girl likes this and this keeps them happy... | ||
| Well, it's like when they gave Palestine democracy and they got mad when they voted for who they vote for. | ||
| It's like you can't say, hey, here's freedom to vote and then get mad at who they vote for. | ||
| You know, it's like if you have freedom to choose and you choose something I like doesn't mean that you didn't use it right. | ||
| It's just the way it is. | ||
| There's also people have to acknowledge that Italians are not regular humans. | ||
| They just have to, okay? | ||
| They have to. | ||
| It's a totally different type of human being. | ||
| Italians? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Are different than everybody else? | ||
| It's a completely different thing. | ||
| They came from the Romans. | ||
| There's thousands of years of savagery behind these people. | ||
| All of a sudden they start making spaghetti and meatballs. | ||
| You think everything's going to calm the fuck down? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| It's not. | ||
| It's not a normal person. | ||
| Right. | ||
| There's a big difference between the savagery that lies in the Italian DNA. And your average waspy type chick, you know, who went to Columbia and wears Birkenstocks and is really tired of assholes like this promoting this kind of bullshit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Male patroness. | ||
| You know, what is that? | ||
| I don't get it. | ||
| It's a different type of human. | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
| Okay? | ||
| She needs a good caveman. | ||
| Look, there's no way you can tell me that Oprah Winfrey and Shaquille O'Neal have the same thoughts. | ||
| They do not. | ||
| Rosie O'Donnell and Shaquille O'Neal. | ||
| Do they have the same thoughts? | ||
| Does Michael Jordan think like Katie Couric? | ||
| No, the fuck he does not. | ||
| We're different, goddammit. | ||
| And what works for you might not work for them. | ||
| What works for them might be awesome in their world. | ||
| I always find that people want a world that plays to their strengths and they want to outlaw what plays to their weaknesses. | ||
| They want a world that they're king and then get rid of the people that make me play to my weaknesses. | ||
| It's so obvious when you see that. | ||
| Ideally, if you treat your fellow human being nice, you should be able to be who you want to be and do what you want to do. | ||
| The Naughty Show is a great example. | ||
| There are some female comics who will not do the Naughty Show because they don't like that there's a porn star here and there. | ||
| Even though I put more females up on my show than most people, I put more female comedians up on my show than most people do. | ||
| I find female comics very funny. | ||
| The ones that I like... | ||
| There's some who go in there and just crush that room. | ||
| But there's some women who will not even get on the stage because they just think it's degrading to women. | ||
| Yeah, I understand that thinking. | ||
| I know where they're coming from. | ||
| I don't agree with it. | ||
| I think, you know, it's very possible to be a porn star and... | ||
| Be a feminist. | ||
| If you really love sex and you really love... | ||
| I mean, I'm not saying that every girl who does it feels that way, but you could be. | ||
| You could be someone who really loves sex and really loves being, like, you know, an exhibitionist and wants to fuck on film. | ||
| It's a business and a brand, almost. | ||
| How come a man's able to do it and we don't go looking to save him, but if a woman does it, like, Okay, just, I mean, this is just throwing it out there, just trying to objectively look at the full spectrum of human behavior and saying it is possible that it's not degrading for that woman. | ||
| It is possible if it's just sex. | ||
| I think it comes from the fact that there was a notion one time that women don't like sex. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That women only give in to our sex because we want it and they really want nothing to do with it. | ||
| But the reality is they love sex as much as men love sex. | ||
| And I've been reading about all these girls pulling guns out on dudes trying to have sex with them. | ||
| Did you hear about the Denny's waitress who robbed a guy at gunpoint, took his wallet and made him have sex with her friend? | ||
| At gunpoint. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He might have had a good time that night. | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| How ugly is that friend? | ||
| Did you need to pull a gun out? | ||
| How did he get it hard? | ||
| That's what's really cool. | ||
| That's gotta be a rough one. | ||
| Guy's a bad motherfucker. | ||
| He'd get hard with a gun in his head. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Some Quentin Tarantino porno. | ||
| There's a lot of people that are really emphasizing... | ||
| Things that would benefit women, but there's a lot of them that do think that men should be able to be whoever the fuck they want, and we should be able to choose. | ||
| I mean, there's people that you get along with that I wouldn't, and I get along with that you wouldn't. | ||
| It's just a part of life. | ||
| We're weird pieces, and we don't fit together like puzzles, you know? | ||
| Sometimes you find people, and together they work. | ||
| Right! | ||
| Doesn't seem to make sense, and yeah, they might be broken, but guess what? | ||
| You're a little broken too, stupid. | ||
| You're not the perfect person. | ||
| Nobody's broken. | ||
| I read this one article this woman was talking about. | ||
| She posted all of her hate tweets, all the people that tweeted her. | ||
| And they were about various subjects, all kinds of different things. | ||
| They disagreed with her, insulting her and shitting on her. | ||
| But she says, you know what these people all have in common? | ||
| "They all hate women." It's like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. | ||
| They don't like you. | ||
| These people don't like you. | ||
| You can't say they hate women. | ||
| That's the biggest cop-out of all time. | ||
| Well, that's trying to control the thought and stop the conversation. | ||
| That's like the low blow, like, okay, conversation, so you hate women. | ||
| We're done. | ||
| Yeah, exactly, exactly. | ||
| And the idea that because someone hates you, they hate everything with a vagina is ridiculous. | ||
| And especially when they're being very specific about what you said that's stupid. | ||
| That doesn't mean they hate every woman. | ||
| And that idea that you're going to get backup from every person with a double X chromosome on the planet because you said that is a silly... | ||
| Like, parachute that people pull to try to stop everything. | ||
| Control your thoughts. | ||
| It's ridiculous. | ||
| It's weak, and it's hacky, and it's tired. | ||
| It's a really weak-minded way of approaching any sort of a discussion. | ||
| You know, you could show about how angry these fucking people are about various ideas, which is true. | ||
| The anger that you see on Twitter and on the internet It's unbelievable, man. | ||
| There was a thread today that I posted last night about climate change. | ||
| It was just an article that I read. | ||
| I think it was in Vice. | ||
| Maybe it wasn't Vice. | ||
| I'll find out. | ||
| I posted something on Vice. | ||
| About the Pacific garbage patch and There was this thing on climate change and all I did was just put it up there and the the topic was nine things that or things that Scientists are less sure of than they are of climate change and all the sudden it my fucking It is on Vice. | ||
| Motherboard.vice.com. | ||
| All of a sudden, my Twitter feed became this massive argument, back and forth, between people that are in total denial that we're causing climate change. | ||
| Oh, yeah, these are the same scientists in the 70s that said we're headed to an ice age. | ||
| No, they're not. | ||
| Those guys are dead. | ||
| Okay? | ||
| That's 1970, you dumb cunt. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's a long-ass time ago. | ||
| You think those fucking people are alive? | ||
| 1970? | ||
| That's 43 fucking years ago. | ||
| You think those people are still alive? | ||
| People react emotionally now instead of logically. | ||
| They don't digest what you're saying and understand it might be a different perspective. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| It's not even emotional. | ||
| It's ideologically. | ||
| There's a left and a right. | ||
| And people on the left think that climate change is done by man and that we're accelerating it and we need to do something and carbon tax and all that shit. | ||
| And people on the right think it's just a ploy to get more taxes. | ||
| People on the right say, look, if you look at the trends, the earth is warming and cooling. | ||
| It's been going on forever. | ||
| It is the way things have always been. | ||
| How come the last six years have showed a cooling trend? | ||
| All these wacky motherfuckers that don't want to believe it. | ||
| They're not scientists. | ||
| They have real jobs. | ||
| There's people that are studying this 20 hours a fucking day every day of the week and they don't really know what the fuck is going on. | ||
| And some dickhead with a regular job who reads the Wall Street Journal and pretends he's a player in the stock market because he day trades during lunch. | ||
| This dumb fuck thinks he can tell you? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| No, he's one of those weirdo right-wing, you know, there's this, what's good for business, and a lot of them are broke. | ||
| That's what's really interesting about people that support big businesses and they have right-wing ideologies, and a lot of them that will support these big businesses are getting fucked over by the same businesses on the regular. | ||
| Isn't it called the lottery mentality, where like, even though people are broke, they're like, I might win the lottery, and then I don't want to pay taxes on that. | ||
| We're like, well, that's probably not going to happen. | ||
| Well, there's also that people don't ever want to think that they're losers. | ||
| They always want to think that they're just winners who haven't won yet. | ||
| So even if their life is shit and it keeps falling apart and they never get it right, one day I'm gonna get it. | ||
| And when I do, these fucking pukes in Washington aren't getting a nickel. | ||
| These motherfuckers, they don't work for shit. | ||
| So interesting. | ||
| You know, what they're trying to do is support the hippies. | ||
| To vote against your own interests is just so interesting. | ||
| Yeah, this guy, Seth Bronstein, the Associated Press, the science correspondent, what he said was that the world's climatologists are now gearing up to officially proclaim that they are 95% certain that humans are to blame for global warning. | ||
| That 5% gap may seem large. | ||
| It is not. | ||
| In science, nothing is 100% sure, not even the law of gravity. | ||
| And according to this guy, Bronstein, there are a few things that scientists are just as or less certain of than climate change. | ||
| And they are, one, that cigarettes kill. | ||
| Two, the age of the universe. | ||
| Three, that vitamins make you healthy. | ||
| And four, that dioxin in Superfund sites is dangerous. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| Also, that string theory actually describes reality and that the rate of the universe expanded after the Big Bang. | ||
| Those are other ones that the author has added. | ||
| A little less certain about. | ||
| This author, Brian Merchant. | ||
| It's an interesting article. | ||
| And it's a big point, is that for whatever reason, people that don't really know want to jump up and say, look, I am no fucking climate expert by any stretch of the imagination. | ||
| I sort of get it, but I also know that there was... | ||
| I mean, there's been ice ages without human intervention. | ||
| There's been the period when the dinosaurs were here. | ||
| It was a vastly different climate than we're experiencing right now. | ||
| We obviously had nothing to do with that. | ||
| That was an asteroid impact that changed our climate. | ||
| All that shit happens, and it happens on a regular basis. | ||
| And it probably happened 12,000 years ago, and it's probably what ended the last ice age. | ||
| But these people that pretend that they know that we're not causing some of it You're crazy. | ||
| Is it that you think that you can now get your news tailored to your views? | ||
| Instead of everybody watching four channels, now there's such niche news channels that just play to what you want to hear. | ||
| So it just reinforces what you're saying. | ||
| You don't hear the other side of the argument. | ||
| You only hear what you want to hear. | ||
| Well, that's certainly an option. | ||
| At least it is right now. | ||
| You know, I think one of these days there's going to be some sort of technology where you could post something and it'll immediately be verified as truth or horseshit. | ||
| Like, say if you... | ||
| Oh, I'd love to see the horseshit symbol. | ||
| Well, it seems like it should be able to, like... | ||
| You should be able to post a statement and then have to put like an S or an I. I is that it's just an idea or you know F maybe it's just that it's fiction or S is a statement. | ||
| If you want people to take you seriously. | ||
| So if you go with S and you believe this and then boom it calculates all the known scientific data from peer-reviewed sources and it just gives you a pile of horseshit that sits underneath your post. | ||
| That should be a graphic. | ||
| This post has been shown to be horseshit. | ||
| And that is something that would be really interesting. | ||
| It would stop a lot of internet debate, like climate debate or this debate. | ||
| There's a lot of it. | ||
| You've got to Google shit. | ||
| You've got to find the post. | ||
| They post it up. | ||
| And, oh, let's buy a source. | ||
| And it would be nice if there was a... | ||
| And it will happen. | ||
| It's going to happen. | ||
| Consumer reports, no bias, just boom. | ||
| No advertisements, no nothing. | ||
| Speaking of which, people on Twitter today were schooling me on Yelp. | ||
| Some business owners, because I love Yelp. | ||
| Yelp is such a great resource. | ||
| When you go somewhere, like if you go to a town, you want to find out what the badass restaurant is. | ||
| For the most part, it's super accurate. | ||
| But apparently... | ||
| Two things that people showed me. | ||
| One, which is kind of crazy, is that Yelp actually writes reviews. | ||
| They have employees that even write bad reviews. | ||
| What? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| And that if you have some shitty reviews on your site, they'll actually ask you if you want to get those moved. | ||
| And they can move them to the back. | ||
| For a price. | ||
| Yeah, they charge you. | ||
| They charge you per month. | ||
| And it's, like, these people were describing, like, being called, like, once a month by the company. | ||
| And, you know, I mean, obviously this is one side of it, and I would love to hear the Yelp side of it as well. | ||
| Because, like I said, I use Yelp all the time, and I really like it. | ||
| But it said, there was another thing, that 20% of all Yelp reviews are written by paid shills. | ||
| Well, I mean, you can see that on iTunes comments. | ||
| There's computer programs who just will make up fake comments. | ||
| Well, you know what else they're doing? | ||
| There's also people that are manipulating their iTunes numbers, especially podcasts, by re-uploading the same episode. | ||
| There's some way that they manipulate the upload process. | ||
| I had a... | ||
| Chris Gore was on my podcast. | ||
| He was telling me about... | ||
| He wouldn't name the names, but he knows people who know how to manipulate it just so their rankings can go up. | ||
| Yeah, well, that's how your rankings go up. | ||
| I have no clue. | ||
| I just throw it up there. | ||
| Your rankings go up by... | ||
| Apparently, the iTunes thing has to do with posts and comments, and it also has to do with downloads and also has to do with new subscribers. | ||
| And so people develop algorithms to kind of hack into this. | ||
| Allegedly. | ||
| Allegedly. | ||
| This is allegedly. | ||
| By the way, this is not my thoughts. | ||
| This is according to another podcaster who really was upset about it that he thinks that there's some shenanigans going on. | ||
| I'm sure there is. | ||
| Well, did you hear about that guy that he was buying Twitter friends? | ||
| There's a service, and there's a comedian. | ||
| He admitted to buying Twitter friends, and then last night, he actually punched a reviewer. | ||
| He was at a show. | ||
| Did you hear about this? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| And, I mean, really kind of fucking mild shit that this guy got punched over. | ||
| Oh, I've heard stories about that dude. | ||
| The guy who punched him? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| What's his name? | ||
| Whatever. | ||
| You don't need to say it. | ||
| Who wants to get sued? | ||
| But I was actually on tour, and they were telling me a story about him. | ||
| The guy who punches you will sue you. | ||
| The story about him, that he was famous... | ||
| Oh, well, then if he's Sue, I'm not going to tell a story. | ||
| No, he doesn't... | ||
| You don't have to... | ||
| He didn't say who the guy is. | ||
| Well, what he would do is, like, if he found out you were the same kind of comedian as him, an ethnic group, right? | ||
| He found out you the same kind of comedian as him, and you got booked on this ethnic group comedy night, what he would find out is he would call you up and he'd go, Hey, I got this other gig that night. | ||
| It pays this. | ||
| Why don't you do my show? | ||
| And you'd be like, well, I already got booked, but I'll offer you more money. | ||
| You guys, okay. | ||
| So you unbook that show. | ||
| He'll call them up, get you booked on, book himself in your spot. | ||
| And then when the show comes up, he'll call you up and go, yeah, the show got canceled. | ||
| I'm sorry. | ||
| And then go do your spot in your show. | ||
| Unless you've heard this firsthand, I wouldn't say that. | ||
| Because that's... | ||
| I just told me... | ||
| I don't know if it's true. | ||
| I just said it. | ||
| You didn't say the guy's name. | ||
| Yeah, I would never say... | ||
| Can we edit it out? | ||
| No, we can't edit shit out. | ||
| Come on, edit it out! | ||
| It goes live. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm only kidding. | |
| It goes live. | ||
| Yeah, that's why I've heard the story. | ||
| So you punch this guy in the face. | ||
| This guy who is a... | ||
| I guess he's a reviewer. | ||
| What does he review for? | ||
| Not the Huffington Post. | ||
| I'll tell you right now. | ||
| He reviews for Newsweek Daily Beast. | ||
| The beast. | ||
| Hilarious. | ||
| I mean, it's hilarious. | ||
| The guy was telling a bunch of hacky jokes. | ||
| And so the dude talked about it on his Twitter, and he came up to him, asked him if that was his name, and just punches him right in the face. | ||
| And then pushed him, and then came back and punched him in the face again. | ||
| And what the guy said was really fucking mild. | ||
| This is what gets you to punch... | ||
| The guy's name was funny until he dusted off his 2005 Katrina jokes in a gratingly bad GWB impression. | ||
| That sounds like some criticism that started off saying you were funny. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You were funny and then you did a shitty joke. | ||
| Or you were funny until you started telling jokes. | ||
| Then he said he makes his umpteenth joke about how Asians can't distinguish between letters L and R. Election, erection, we get it. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| And then the next one is the guy just punched him in the face. | ||
| Ha ha! | ||
| That's incredible. | ||
| The guy's name is Josh Rogan. | ||
| R-O-G-I-N. And no, I'm not talking about this because his name is Rogan. | ||
| I'm talking about this because it's important. | ||
| You shouldn't get punched because you say someone sucks. | ||
| Who, by listening to Josh Rogan's tweets, pretty much fucking sucks. | ||
| And if the guy's not telling the truth, I mean, if he made up this guy's tweets, it would be one thing. | ||
| But we could read them. | ||
| We could see exactly what he said that got him punched, and it's pretty goddamn mild. | ||
| Yeah, pretty tame. | ||
| There's no hiding this. | ||
| It's not like, he called me a gook and he says my mother's a whore. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, no, no, no, no, no, no. | ||
| It says right there. | ||
| So if that's really how it went down. | ||
| We don't know how it went down. | ||
| If I swung on everybody that criticized me on Twitter, I'd be Bruce Lee taking on 90 dudes at one time. | ||
| So I was talking about the climate change thing is how goddamn angry people get on Twitter. | ||
| People are so angry. | ||
| And I don't think it's because of the words that they're debating. | ||
| I think most of this anger is they're already on a short fuse because they're not happy with... | ||
| Their situation, whether it's their relationship or their body or their job or their career or all of the above. | ||
| Whether it's something they did wrong or whether there's something they haven't done right, whatever it is. | ||
| I think people are just inherently frustrated at their position in life. | ||
| And everybody's anonymous, so it's like there's very little accountability. | ||
| It doesn't come back to you. | ||
| It only goes back to your page, and it stops there. | ||
| That's why what ESPN has done is now you have to log in with your Facebook page, because Facebook, you have to use your real name. | ||
| They have to verify it's you, and you have to use your real name. | ||
| So if you're going to comment somewhere, you have to put your name on it. | ||
| That's funny, but ESPN makes you do that? | ||
| That sounds like bullshit to me. | ||
| I don't like that. | ||
| I do and I don't. | ||
| I like accountability. | ||
| I do too, yeah. | ||
| It takes away a lot of trolling. | ||
| If you're going to say something, you're going to put your name on it. | ||
| Yeah, and I guess it does if you're representing a company like ESPN. They do have a certain reputation to uphold. | ||
| They got mad at me once. | ||
| Who, ESPN? Yeah. | ||
| I said that this dude, Houston Alexander, fights like he tried to rape his mother. | ||
| I'm sorry I said that, but that's an old-school gym expression, unfortunately. | ||
| As a person who's trained in fight gyms my whole life, that's a really common expression. | ||
| It doesn't seem like it is, but it actually is, especially in the East Coast, where I grew up in Boston. | ||
| I have heard that so many times in the description of a guy. | ||
| Dude, it's Disney, man. | ||
| They suspended Tony Kornheiser because he said that one of the female reporters was dressing like she's 20 years younger, and he had to take a week off. | ||
| Because ESPN's had a lot of problems. | ||
| If you read their book, they had a lot of problems with sexual harassment. | ||
| Way back in the day. | ||
| So anything that comes even close to that is like, eh, eh, eh, whoa. | ||
| It's just unfortunate when everybody has to act. | ||
| I mean, it's one thing if you're saying something that's shitty, but it's another thing to act straightforward towards political correctness. | ||
| Because if I said he fights like he tried to kill his mother, everyone would have been fine with that. | ||
| He fights like he tried to kill his mother. | ||
| Everybody would have been fine like that. | ||
| But the sexual implications of rape are somehow or another awful. | ||
| It's just too much. | ||
| Violence and sex are just looked at two totally different things. | ||
| Isn't that weird? | ||
| It is weird. | ||
| You go to see a movie and you see a dude kill 30, 40 people, but if they fuck and you see his penis go into her vagina, people will explode. | ||
| The thing that they want to do all day, everybody wants to fuck. | ||
| This is what most people want if your hormones work. | ||
| You want this. | ||
| You want someone who wants to fuck you and you want to fuck them and you actually like them and they actually like you and you guys both like to fuck each other and you go at it. | ||
| That's what people want! | ||
| Yep. | ||
| What do people not want? | ||
| To get killed. | ||
| They don't want to get killed. | ||
| But what can't you see? | ||
| Can't see people fucking. | ||
| What can you see? | ||
| People getting killed. | ||
| Why is that? | ||
| We're crazy. | ||
| You know, we never hear about stories about spree sexist people walking into offices and just fucking having sex with everybody. | ||
| You never see that on the news, but you see a guy going crazy and shooting everybody. | ||
| Yeah, nobody goes in the Navy yard and sucks everybody's dick. | ||
| Some chick went crazy in the Navy yard. | ||
| He went crazy. | ||
| He went on a dick-sucking rampage. | ||
| You know, that is a really important point. | ||
| We have this weird desire for violence in this country. | ||
| And even though in real life we love sex and we want sex all the time, you can't just blow people on TV. You can't. | ||
| I mean, if they show anything in a TV show, it's a kiss, and maybe you start pulling each other's clothes off, and then the fucking screen goes black. | ||
| Oh yeah, it's the Sex and the City stuff. | ||
| It's like passion, passion, next day, laying in bed. | ||
| Could you imagine if there was a real incident where a guy came to some police station and just sucked everybody's dick? | ||
| Just gassed the whole room, pulls a pin, throws it in there, sleeping gas, everybody falls asleep. | ||
| They wake up and the videotapes just show him sucking every dick in the place. | ||
| He goes, he's still unconscious. | ||
| These men, we have families. | ||
| And he's just sucking their cocks. | ||
| He gives them all Viagra, anally, puts it in their ass, crushes it up. | ||
| Crunch, crunch, crunch. | ||
| The Russian chick? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Who, uh, the guy walked into the beauty salon and he goes... | ||
| Yeah, she made him fucker. | ||
| Oh, yeah, it's fucking... | ||
| Who has that much telephone wire available to tie somebody up and then just shoves Viagra in it for three days? | ||
| That dude will let her. | ||
| He's full of shit. | ||
| It's nonsense. | ||
| He's full of shit. | ||
| He fucked her. | ||
| Look, I just think even if someone gave you Viagra, if you didn't want to fuck them, you probably wouldn't get hard. | ||
| Viagra doesn't make you just get hard for no reason. | ||
| You eat a Viagra, your dick doesn't just get hard. | ||
| You have to get stimulated. | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| I've had some weird erections. | ||
| I think he's annoying. | ||
| He's probably just a dumb dude that wanted attention. | ||
| She make me sex slave. | ||
| That was the worst Russian accent ever, probably. | ||
| Dude, you got a future in voiceovers. | ||
| I don't think I do. | ||
| Believe in yourself. | ||
| I don't. | ||
| I don't. | ||
| Did you see that dude where they grew a nose on his face? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He had a bad car accident? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's got a nose on his forehead? | ||
| Well, he had a car accident and then he got a nose infection. | ||
| And in the middle of this infection, his nose actually, like, you know, you can get necrosis. | ||
| You can get, like, a really bad skin infection, and your tissue dies off, and they have to replace that tissue. | ||
| Like, sometimes with staph infections, guys have to get, um, there's the dude. | ||
| Yeah, but they're growing his nose, right? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Well, you know that woman who was on the Time magazine cover with her nose cut off? | ||
| Do you remember that? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| It was a famous case of violence against women in Afghanistan. | ||
| Horrible. | ||
| Insanely horrible. | ||
| She was given away as property. | ||
| The parents owed money or something, and they gave her away. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| You know, having little girls, man, and the idea of that about giving your little girl away to someone is so horrific to me, so impossible to even imagine. | ||
| I've been to Afghanistan. | ||
| They are half-assed backwards. | ||
| I'm sorry, man. | ||
| It is medieval times over there. | ||
| How many times did you go there? | ||
| I went there once, and we were actually there when the big prison break happened. | ||
| That kind of changed the momentum of the war. | ||
| They had this big inside job where 300 extremists got out, and it kind of changed it. | ||
| And we couldn't leave right off the bat because of the whole thing. | ||
| It happened while you were there? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| What'd that feel like? | ||
| It was scary, man. | ||
| I mean, it was scary things. | ||
| But, you know, it's like if I do USOs, man, I would prefer to go into a war zone and entertain the troops. | ||
| I just, they're very appreciative and you feel like you're doing something for them. | ||
| So I'd rather go into that than go. | ||
| I've done bases on like Guam where it just, there's no, and I'm glad there's no war going on there. | ||
| But it's just like, they're just a base and they're okay with it. | ||
| But they're like, yeah, whatever. | ||
| You know, but you go into some, we went to a base called the Alamo. | ||
| Because it was surrounded by locals, man. | ||
| And they were so thankful. | ||
| I mean, they were totally... | ||
| Every joke just was this giant Def Jam laugh. | ||
| Boom! | ||
| Just huge laughter, man. | ||
| I would much rather do that. | ||
| Wow, that's really interesting. | ||
| Do you still do it? | ||
| Do you still go over there? | ||
| I just did one. | ||
| We went to Bahrain. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Where, like, all the missiles are in case Iran decides to... | ||
| You know, get a little crazy. | ||
| Well, that's the place where Amber Lyon got fired from CNN or left CNN because she did this detailed report on Bahrain and they turned it into like a tourist piece. | ||
| Like, you should visit Bahrain. | ||
| Beautiful downtown Bahrain. | ||
| It's weird when you go to all these places how much American culture is everywhere. | ||
| You know, Aaron Cater used to have a joke about that, about how, you know, like he'd go to the Middle East, do entertaining, and they'd be like, America is a paper tiger, you know? | ||
| But what do you want? | ||
| Do you want KFC? Do you want TJ Friday? | ||
| And it's true. | ||
| You go there, all of our stuff is everywhere. | ||
| Yeah, those big corporations like Coca-Cola. | ||
| McDonald's, Subway's, Little Caesars. | ||
| I mean, where's the Little fucking Caesars? | ||
| It's in Bahrain, dude. | ||
| Do you know that... | ||
| Subway is the biggest chain in the world now. | ||
| Bigger than McDonald's. | ||
| Surpassed it, yep. | ||
| Isn't that incredible? | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| I mean, people like that fake meat, bro. | ||
| Is it fake? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| I mean, well, alleged. | ||
| No, it's real meat. | ||
| Get out of here. | ||
| I mean, you can eat it. | ||
| What's meat? | ||
| I hear it's processed. | ||
| Of course it's processed. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, if you want it preserved. | ||
| I love Subway, by the way. | ||
| I don't want this to be like an anti-Subway thing. | ||
| I eat that thing all day, buffalo chicken, until I die. | ||
| I was in Chichen Itza going to see the Mayan pyramids, and we passed by this huge sign for Coca-Cola, a big billboard in the jungle for Coca-Cola. | ||
| I was like, this is so weird. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Coca-Cola is in the jungle? | ||
| It's really strange. | ||
| Well, there was a whole thing that McDonald's had expanded as far as it could expand. | ||
| You know, like these fast food chains, they make as much money on selling franchises as they do on selling burgers. | ||
| And the one thing was that they had expanded everywhere they can. | ||
| They can't expand anywhere else. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There probably was no more spots where they could be and was viable, but Subway had a new niche. | ||
| People wanted to get thin like Jared. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's just weird because in LA, they open... | ||
| It's either Chase's, Chipotle's, or Starbucks. | ||
| Someday they'll open a Chipotle in a Chase bank that's in a Starbucks. | ||
| There's so many. | ||
| But the minute I leave LA and I go somewhere, I'm like, where are the Starbucks? | ||
| You told me that when you were in Afghanistan, they have Man Love Thursday? | ||
| Man Love Thursdays, dude. | ||
| Is that real? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| You saw it? | ||
| Well, I didn't watch guys go buttfuck in the mountains. | ||
| No, I didn't. | ||
| But people told you about it? | ||
| Instagram that shit. | ||
| Did people tell you about it? | ||
| Oh yeah, ask anybody who's on tour, who was on duty in Afghanistan, ask them about Man Love Thursdays. | ||
| They'd be like, hey, how'd you know about that? | ||
| It's only Thursdays though? | ||
| I guess Thursdays, but fucking Thursdays. | ||
| So what does that mean? | ||
| Thursday, everyone's allowed to be gay? | ||
| No, they don't see it as gay. | ||
| They see it as like, they see women are for procreation, men are for fun. | ||
| Is that really true? | ||
|
unidentified
|
According to what I was told over there. | |
| And you can go into the mountains, and they buttfuck each other. | ||
| And they're dirty, too. | ||
| I mean, just the idea of buttfucking. | ||
| That was a harsh dirty. | ||
| Dude, I mean, they tried to build these things for the pedestrians to walk up over the road like a walkover. | ||
| They would just go in there and take dumps and then leave. | ||
| They didn't even use it as a walkover like they do in Vegas, you know, when you're walking in. | ||
| Las Vegas Boulevard, they have those pedestrian walkovers. | ||
| There's an article about it online. | ||
| It says, Afghanistan's male soldiers are having sex with other guys, but don't call them homos. | ||
| Well, there was also something where, like, they were, like, their soldiers, they would have a young boy who would have to service everybody. | ||
| Check this. | ||
| And they had to tell the soldiers, don't get upset about that. | ||
| What? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Don't get involved. | ||
| That's their custom. | ||
| Whoa! | ||
| Well, we know their custom is that the young girl that died, she was sold away to marriage. | ||
| She was eight years old. | ||
| She died after having sex with the guy. | ||
| Let's listen to this. | ||
| Afghanistan's... | ||
| The article is in Queerty, free of an agenda, except that gay one. | ||
| Queerty.com. | ||
| Instead of QWERTY, Queerty. | ||
| How excited were they when they got that domain name? | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's funny. | |
| We got it. | ||
| I love the title, too. | ||
| Can I use the restroom while you read this? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, go ahead. | ||
| And it's talking about... | ||
| It says, Afghanistan's male soldiers have sex with other guys, but don't call them homos. | ||
| And it says it's really interesting. | ||
| It says America's gay soldiers have a unique struggle on their hands, whether to hide or be open about their sexuality. | ||
| But Afghanistan's gay soldiers have a different battle. | ||
| Despite regularly having sex with other men and shunning women, many of these male soldiers refuse to identify as gay, which can get in the way of, say, preventing STDs. | ||
| You need only watch the CNN clip below where three gay American troops speak of the need to repeal Don't Ask, Don't Tell, which has been repealed now, I believe, to understand the difficulties of being gay in the U.S. Armed Forces. | ||
| Let's see how old this article is. | ||
| Man Love Thursdays has its own post on Urban Dictionary. | ||
| It's the article. | ||
| It doesn't say where it's from here, unfortunately. | ||
| It doesn't say what year. | ||
| So, it's before Don't Ask, Don't Tell was repealed. | ||
| So, I don't know. | ||
| Repealed, rather. | ||
| For these Afghan soldiers, however, having sex regularly with other men is no big deal. | ||
| Just don't call them gay. | ||
| An unclassified study from a military research unit in southern Afghanistan... | ||
| That's a funny statement. | ||
| An unclassified study from a military research unit in southern Afghanistan that's looking into gay sex details how homosexual behavior is unusually common among men in the large ethnic group known as Pashtuns, P-A-S-H-T-U-Ns, Pashtuns, although they seem to be in complete denial about it. | ||
| What's a new unclassified study of Pashtun meant? | ||
| Oh, that's what the new unclassified study revealed. | ||
| These men admire other men physically, have sexual relationships with boys, and shun women both socially and sexually, yet they completely reject the label of homosexual. | ||
| The research was conducted as part of a long-standing effort to better understand Afghan culture and improve Western interaction with the local people. | ||
| When you read shit like that, and you read that people are dying over there, and you think the idea that they're going to try to change this, you think about what they do when they marry off 8-year-old girls, cut women's noses off, they do this kind of shit, pretend they're not gay while they're fucking each other, and be homophobic at the same time. | ||
| It's... | ||
| Absolute madness. | ||
| It's reality your way right away. | ||
| It's like custom-made reality. | ||
| This is what they do. | ||
| This is how they figure out their way around it. | ||
| The Pashtun men interpret the Islamic prohibition on homosexuality to mean they cannot love another man, but it doesn't mean they can't use men for sexual gratification. | ||
| What an interesting little gray area they found. | ||
| Yeah, there's a little fine print right there. | ||
| It's sort of like prostitution is illegal, but if a girl is naked at a strip club and she rides your dick and you cum in your pants, that's all good. | ||
| If prostitution is illegal, but if I buy you dinner and then we have sex, I spend the same amount of money on the date, and then I have sex with you, it's perfectly legal. | ||
| Or pay their housing or something along those lines and just keep them on the payroll. | ||
| Kathleen Madigan was here, and she lives in this certain part of Hollywood where they have all these really nice bungalows, really cool small houses. | ||
| And she was like, that's where the studio heads used to keep their mistresses. | ||
| They used to put them up in these houses. | ||
| It was so common that there was a whole neighborhood of mistresses. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| Stop and think about that. | ||
| I mean, if prostitution is illegal, what's going on there? | ||
| Well, there's that whole website, sugardaddy.com, where a lot of young female ladies from Hollywood are on, and it's guys with money looking for companionship. | ||
| It's a good place to get poisoned. | ||
| What do you mean? | ||
| If I was a chick that was looking to steal a guy's money and poison him, that's where I'd look. | ||
| Gotta find your sugar daddy the old-fashioned way. | ||
| Getting a sugar daddy on the internet. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| Whatever happened to old-fashioned interaction? | ||
| Two people looking at each other. | ||
| Two people looking at each other in the eyes. | ||
| Getting to know each other. | ||
| Having an understanding. | ||
| Person to person. | ||
| It's really primal now. | ||
| Either you're pretty or you're not. | ||
| Not just looking online, not just being some creepy old dude with a credit card going, well, I'm willing to set away. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I will buy your rent as long as it's less than $2,000 a month. | |
| Right? | ||
| I don't have time for a woman in my life. | ||
| I'm 73 years old. | ||
| I like my balls licked. | ||
| Well, when I was in Diego Garcia, which is this small island in the middle of nowhere. | ||
| Wait a minute. | ||
| It's a military island. | ||
| There's an island named Diego Garcia? | ||
| And they don't know who that dude is. | ||
| That's ridiculous. | ||
| Did they just run out of names? | ||
| No, when they got there, that's the name of the island. | ||
| Who named it? | ||
| Whoever was there before them. | ||
| It was some Portuguese explorer who just randomly found this island. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| What a dickhead. | ||
| He named it after himself. | ||
| Well, I guess, isn't that the idea of America? | ||
| Amerigo Vespucci? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, I don't know that. | ||
| I don't know anything about that. | ||
| There's a Snopes thing on that. | ||
| I should probably look that up. | ||
| America Snopes. | ||
| America. | ||
| Can I think that's one of those things that's not true, but everybody always says it? | ||
| Like, um... | ||
| Like, one of them is that they used to burn witches. | ||
| Did you know they didn't really used to burn witches? | ||
| They didn't burn witches? | ||
| No. | ||
| They didn't burn witches, man. | ||
| What'd they do? | ||
| They used to hang them. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| The burning of the witch thing is like this really common thing that's in our heads that they used to do. | ||
| Apparently, the only time they did it on a regular basis was religious times during Europe. | ||
| During, like, I think, like, during the Martin Luther time, I think they did a lot of burning. | ||
| They burned people who didn't believe. | ||
| Or just were different. | ||
| Or if you didn't like somebody, you could just call them a witch, and then they had to prove they're not a witch. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Which is completely random. | ||
| Yeah, that's hilarious that you would have to prove that you're not a witch. | ||
| Like, didn't they do stuff where it's like, if you... | ||
| Like, there's no way to prove you weren't a witch. | ||
| It's like they dunk you in water, and if you lived, you were a witch. | ||
| If you died, you weren't a witch. | ||
| So it's like, you're damned if you do, you're damned if you don't. | ||
| America Vespucci. | ||
| America. | ||
| God, I need to get out in the sun. | ||
| I keep looking at this, man. | ||
| I need sunlight. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look at this. | |
| You look beautiful. | ||
| Fat vampire. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| Just lose some weight. | ||
| Oh, come on, man. | ||
| You said it first. | ||
| I'm a human being. | ||
| The fuck? | ||
| You said it first. | ||
| I have feelings. | ||
| Um, Snopes.com, slow as fuck. | ||
| Slopes.com, slow as fuck. | ||
| Shitty ass website. | ||
| For all your shitty ass information you need, it's Slopes.com. | ||
| Okay, apparently this is another story. | ||
| Oh god, this is too confusing. | ||
| I'm not gonna read all this. | ||
| This is a TLDR. Too long, didn't read. | ||
| I love that when I see that on posts. | ||
| Too long, didn't read. | ||
| You hear they found water on Mars? | ||
| What? | ||
| Yeah, water discovered on Mars by the rover. | ||
| The rover Curiosity. | ||
| Substantial discovery made after analysis of soil samples from the planet's surface has uncovered water. | ||
| Isn't that the whole thing about the Behold the Pale Horse? | ||
| That they say we're going to go and colonize Mars? | ||
| Well, I think if people stay alive for the next thousand years, we will. | ||
| I think it's going to take a long fucking time. | ||
| And some crazy motherfucker is going to have to go over there first. | ||
| There's going to be some people that will go over there and it's a goddamn one-way trip, man. | ||
| You're never coming back. | ||
| You're going to go over there once and that's it. | ||
| That's where you live now. | ||
| Are you ready? | ||
| Go. | ||
| And if that doesn't work or you run out of air, you're going to suffocate via satellite and we're going to get to watch it all on our phones. | ||
| And that will be on LiveLeak.com. | ||
| Oh, quickly. | ||
| It'll be live streaming. | ||
| The guy will die on TV just like the Challenger accident. | ||
| I mean, there's no way you're going to be able to stop it. | ||
| The odds of them being able to get all the way to Mars and not a couple of people not make it, that's crazy. | ||
| Well, dude, when they build a Las Vegas hotel, casino, they average in three people dying. | ||
| Do they really? | ||
| Yeah, they assume three people are going to die along the way of building this hotel. | ||
| That's because those three people didn't know how to keep their fucking mouth shut. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I mean, I'm sure they take care of a couple people. | ||
| I'm sure like the building high rises, someone slips, falls, calls it a day. | ||
| So I can't imagine how many people are going to lose on the way to Mars. | ||
| Well, I think I really like the idea of sending robots. | ||
| You know, the way they're doing it, like with this curiosity, they can learn a lot of shit. | ||
| They can do analytics on soil. | ||
| They can send back photographs and information. | ||
| They can do a lot of things without risking people's lives. | ||
| But as long as there's human beings, there's going to be the one person that wants to be the first guy that lands on Mars. | ||
| He wants to be the Neil Armstrong of Mars. | ||
| There's always going to be one of those guys. | ||
| There's always somebody, yeah, who wants to be the explorer. | ||
| Sometimes, man, you get lost in the whole... | ||
| I would have to say that I think if they're going to do that, the first thing they would probably do is try that out on the moon. | ||
| Try some terraforming. | ||
| Go over there, try to build some sort of structure. | ||
| They've even figured out how to make walls using the sand and the dirt of the moon in a 3D printer. | ||
| They've figured out a way to bond this. | ||
| Have you seen that, Jamie? | ||
| There's photos of it. | ||
| Yeah, a 3D printer used to build base on the moon. | ||
| Yeah, they've devised this 3D printer. | ||
| That they think they can transport printer to build base of the moon. | ||
| Didn't they want to send a married couple into space? | ||
| Of course. | ||
| And then halfway there, she gives up. | ||
| She doesn't want to have sex with them anymore. | ||
| She disappears? | ||
| He goes on Melissa Gorga on him. | ||
| And then he winds up taking her. | ||
| Just like that guy in the book. | ||
| Guy gave him some shit advice. | ||
| Real Housewives of New Jersey. | ||
| He rapes her on TV. Yeah, building a lunar base with 3D printing. | ||
| This is what they're planning on doing. | ||
| There's actually an animated thing. | ||
| We can see the rover move. | ||
| But look at these photos. | ||
| This plan. | ||
| See that photo? | ||
| The honeycomb. | ||
| The 3D printer is going to be able to make these walls that are essentially just some compound that's created with The soil. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow! | |
| Yeah. | ||
| That right there, that photograph is a 1.5 ton building block that was produced as a demonstration of the 3D printing techniques using simulated lunar soil. | ||
| So they did it with something that would be like, you know, similar in consistency. | ||
| And the design is based on a hollow closed cell structure reminiscent of bird bones to give a good combination of strength and weight. | ||
| So they would fly this printer up there and then just start building these walls With this printer out of the lunar soil. | ||
| Man, my printer always jams. | ||
| That'd suck if you were up there and your printer jams. | ||
| Yeah, Epson sent you some new shit. | ||
| Can you send me some? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Can we get some IT up here? | ||
| Yeah, I need to clean my heads or something. | ||
| I'm out of blue ink. | ||
| Well, the idea is that they know that they can fly shit up there that can do this. | ||
| So they could actually send some sort of rover type robotic thing up there with these printers and build these houses before we even get there. | ||
| They just flew, I think it was an F-16, they flew it as a drone. | ||
| They successfully flew it and landed it and they achieved supersonic speeds all done completely as a drone. | ||
| Where did it land? | ||
| At Air Force Base. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah, they just did this. | ||
| Here, I'll pull this up. | ||
| When do the robots take over? | ||
| Well, it's getting close. | ||
| That's my point. | ||
| What about combining with robots? | ||
| I'm going to miss all the cool shit. | ||
| I'm born too early or too late? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| You're going to be fine. | ||
| F-16 drone. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| An F-16, man. | ||
| There's a video of it, too. | ||
| Pull it up, dude. | ||
| F-16 drone fighter jet flies without pilot. | ||
| It's fucking incredible, man. | ||
| My point is, if they can do this, they can also get... | ||
| I mean, they can get the rover to land on the moon. | ||
| They can also... | ||
| Or on Mars. | ||
| They can also get one to land on the moon. | ||
| They can get something more complex now because the rover's a few years old now. | ||
| And, you know, who knows what they're going to have 10 years from now. | ||
| They're going to have, like, look at this. | ||
| This is a fucking jet flying with no one in it. | ||
| They're doing it all completely remote. | ||
| Is that good or bad for us? | ||
| Not good. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Not good. | ||
| I'm just... | ||
| Dude. | ||
| That's bad for humans. | ||
| It's bad for mankind. | ||
| Well, these things are going to start thinking. | ||
| I mean, right now it's just stupid. | ||
| But one day they're going to make one that's really fucking smart. | ||
| And it's going to be like the Cars cartoon where they talk to each other. | ||
| I don't want to bomb Iraq. | ||
| Do you want to bomb Iraq? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Let's fucking bomb DC. This ends bad for mankind. | |
| I mean, do these guys watch sci-fi flicks? | ||
| How do you call yourself a test pilot if you're on the ground? | ||
| The guy says test pilot. | ||
|
unidentified
|
This is why I became an engineer. | |
| This program is, to me, the epitome of my career. | ||
| This is what it was all about. | ||
| I mean, to be able to take this airplane. | ||
| Enslaving mankind. | ||
| Yeah, our robot overlords. | ||
| That's what it's all about. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, when the opening sequence of the Terminator movie, the first one, where the Terminators are walking around, you see them stepping on skulls and stuff, and you see those giant flying robots, like that's drones, man! | ||
| Yeah, 100%. | ||
| It's real. | ||
| It's all coming. | ||
| I mean, whether or not they're actually going to be against humanity. | ||
| My feeling is, robots, unless we program them to have survival instincts, won't. | ||
| So they won't see us as a threat. | ||
| I don't think they'll have any biological instincts at all. | ||
| The need to survive, the need to stay on or be on or off. | ||
| I don't think, unless we program them with those ideas, they're not going to have those ideas naturally. | ||
| I don't think those are natural ideas. | ||
| I think those ideas have been sort of like, they've grown inside the human animal from a long, long time. | ||
| Life on this planet in various forms, from single-cell to multi-cell to mammal to, you know, ape to whatever the fuck we are now. | ||
| It's a long-ass process. | ||
| How long till chicks start banging robots and then we got to compete with robots? | ||
| Real quick. | ||
| They're already banging robots. | ||
| They already have like Sibians and dildos and men just got the fleshlight really recently. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And the fleshlight is totally manual. | ||
| You got to grab it, stick in it. | ||
| You got to do it all yourself. | ||
| Women have things that fuck them. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They have things that will fuck them. | ||
| They have vibrators now in CVS. Women can buy vibrators and put it on and drive home. | ||
| Yeah, they have those back massagers things. | ||
| Big round rubber ball back massager things. | ||
| Just robots beating the bean, doing nothing, chilling out. | ||
| It's going to happen. | ||
| There's no way you're going to be able to stop that. | ||
| You're going to come home and your girlfriend's getting shagged by a transformer. | ||
| You're fucked. | ||
| Yeah, if robots are created by women, that's when we're going to be really fucked. | ||
| Because they're going to make robots that are exactly the way they want a man. | ||
| Just sensitive with big dicks? | ||
| Just weak bitches. | ||
| Just weak bitches that listen to them. | ||
| Skinny jeans? | ||
| I mean, if you could allow really angry feminists to program robots to be a male robot to be anything they want it to be, how would those guys be? | ||
| Would they be really sensitive and just fun to be around and really nice? | ||
| Or... | ||
| Would they just be slaves? | ||
| Meek, little, emo, pale. | ||
| Meek. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Alt comics. | |
| Alt comics. | ||
| Guys that just stand there in front of the microphone and don't even move. | ||
| Mentally, easily, the push around. | ||
| Alt comics. | ||
| Male feminist comics. | ||
| The male feminist. | ||
| I don't know why. | ||
| It's everywhere. | ||
| It's what you said earlier. | ||
| People don't want to catch up. | ||
| They just want to stay lazy, and they want everybody else to slow down, too. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's dumbing the masses. | ||
| It's not even dumb. | ||
| A lot of alt people aren't dumb. | ||
| They're very smart. | ||
| No, they're very smart. | ||
| They're just weak. | ||
| I think sometimes clever is more important than funny, sometimes. | ||
| Well, they're trying to play to the back of the room a lot. | ||
| There's a lot of that, you know? | ||
| I think you see that a lot. | ||
| Like, oh, I watch them and be like, wow, that's clever. | ||
| But I'm not necessarily going... | ||
| Ha ha ha ha ha out loud. | ||
| Well, we had Matt Fultron in here and he was talking about how that kind of like fucked him up in his career because he used to write for the back of the room and he wasn't writing for the crowd. | ||
| And then he realized once he started going on the road like, oh, I fucked up. | ||
| Like I'm writing for a bunch of people that are like cynical and they've heard every joke in the book and they don't really want to see comedy anymore. | ||
| They want to see something unexpected. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Animal attack. | ||
| They want to see something unexpected. | ||
| They want to see something that's not really stand-up comedy. | ||
| They want it to be ironic. | ||
| But when you pay money to go on the road and you're in Buffalo and you've got to do stand-up at a comedy club, that ironic shit ain't going to fly. | ||
| Nope. | ||
| And so he was saying that he found that. | ||
| But I was like, oh, I was writing jokes for comedians. | ||
| I wasn't even writing for humans. | ||
| Well, it gets interesting when you do every level of comedy. | ||
| Like, open mics, you're playing the comedian, so you kind of got to learn. | ||
| That was a big thing for me, because the first five years I did stand-up comedy, I just played bars. | ||
| I mean, just, like, roadhouse bars. | ||
| Did you start in Vegas? | ||
| Yeah, just this crazy bar. | ||
| I couldn't, at that time they weren't letting locals play the comedy clubs because they could just fly out comics from LA. So we had to make our own scene and I would just find crazy bar gigs. | ||
| Like anywhere I could perform, like we would go in between bands. | ||
| You'd have hard metal bands playing, bring out the comedians, and I would have to go out and just deal with all the hecklers, shut them up, and then bring the other comedians on. | ||
| We would take any kind of gig like that. | ||
| When you started, what year was it? | ||
| I've been doing it for like 16 years, so like 90... | ||
| 96? | ||
| 97? | ||
| So, 96, 97. What was the scene like in Vegas? | ||
| How did you start out? | ||
| Dead. | ||
| How would you start out? | ||
| When I started, there was one open mic every other week in the entire city. | ||
| There was nothing. | ||
| Nobody had been doing it. | ||
| And I was like, I gotta get up. | ||
| So I just decided to create my own comedy gigs. | ||
| And what I would do is I would just, every night, I would find a dead bar. | ||
| I'm like, your bar's dead. | ||
| Let me have the night. | ||
| And I'll get it going. | ||
| And I would create an open mic in which I would host. | ||
| And I would get the crowd going, deal with the hecklers, bring up the comedians. | ||
| And then I had my own improv troupe, which we started, and we got into all the station casinos. | ||
| So I had open mics going one place, my improv troupe performing another place, and that's just how I performed forever. | ||
| That's very smart, man. | ||
| That's very genius of you. | ||
| It's kind of how I am right now. | ||
| I have a certain style of comedy I like to do, so I create my own environment in which to do it at, which is the naughty show or the comedy rap battles and stuff like that. | ||
| That's what I enjoy doing, so I create a brand. | ||
| That's very smart of you, though. | ||
| It shows a lot of get up and go. | ||
| You go, alright, you know what? | ||
| Someone's got to do this. | ||
| Let me put this shit together. | ||
| I wish I could play a little more ball, too. | ||
| I'm so focused on creating my own things. | ||
| I'd like to do just the normal stuff, too. | ||
| But I really enjoy these shows. | ||
| It's what I enjoy doing. | ||
| That's why I'm very passionate about them. | ||
| There's nothing wrong with that. | ||
| What I'm saying is it showed a lot of get up and go on your part to like start these nights and put these things together and have comedy shows where there was nothing else there going on. | ||
| A lot of other people go, ah, I can't do it in this city. | ||
| You know, that was a very ingenious sort of a way of workaround, you know? | ||
| Very industrious of you, like... | ||
| So there's a way around this, bitch. | ||
| Yeah, I go, if no one will book me and there's no shows, I gotta make my own shows. | ||
| I was just, you know, it's very blessed that growing up, we didn't physically fight with each other, we just racked each other. | ||
| We were like verbally vicious. | ||
| All my buddies in high school. | ||
| All of them were like victims of divorce. | ||
| They were kind of hurt children in a weird way. | ||
| They had a weird family. | ||
| They came from loving parents, but the parents were divorced. | ||
| It affected them. | ||
| They were kind of like hurt children. | ||
| So we were vicious with each other. | ||
| I remember moments where we'd go to a local pizzeria, Pontillo's, and Whoever got sat in the wrong seat, you were going to get pounded on all night by everybody, and they wouldn't let you up from the booth, and you would just get vicious. | ||
| I just learned to not take it personal and just hit back. | ||
| To this day, that's really helped me with hecklers. | ||
| I don't really think. | ||
| I just react now. | ||
| I had always had something like that. | ||
| It was just where I came from. | ||
| Do you find, though, that when you're dealing with an actual polite crowd that wants to hear material, they're like, hey, how come no one's throwing anything at me? | ||
| It is weird. | ||
| I have to learn to tell them how much I like them, too. | ||
| That was my transition. | ||
| I had a problem with that when I went from bars to do nicer clubs. | ||
| Comedy clubs. | ||
| It's a different transition. | ||
| I was ready. | ||
| I was used to combat comedy. | ||
| I didn't do what you did. | ||
| I never created my own thing. | ||
| But I did a lot of bars. | ||
| We did a lot of bars. | ||
| But they were already created for me. | ||
| I got super lucky. | ||
| I came along. | ||
| In Boston in the 80s, there was so much work in town that you never had to leave. | ||
| You could be a full-time professional comedian and work from one to two and a half, three hours drive at the most for gigs. | ||
| And you would work almost every weekend, every day. | ||
| I mean, you could do whatever you wanted. | ||
| There was so much work. | ||
| During the weekdays, mostly free stuff, where you would take your time and get tight. | ||
| But then on the weekends, and a lot of weekday gigs... | ||
| There's just, you know, drive to New Hampshire, drive to Western Massachusetts, drive to Maine, drive to Attleboro, drive to Marlboro, drive to here, and you got used to these really fucking terrible places, standing on top of milk crates, and nobody's paying attention, and the hockey game's on. | ||
| I went to Montreal... | ||
| Before I ever played a real... | ||
| Before I was a regular at any comedy club. | ||
| When you say Montreal, you mean the festival? | ||
| I just came to LA and I was just a ball of fire and I got picked up and they brought me to Montreal. | ||
| I didn't even know what it was at the time. | ||
| The only time I'd ever played at a club was about a year before I'd opened for Nick DiPaolo at the Riviera, which was booked by the guy who eventually went on to be on The Sopranos. | ||
| Steve Sharippa played Bobby. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The big guy. | ||
| So that was the first time I'd ever played at a comedy club. | ||
| I never really played. | ||
| Great guy. | ||
| Steve Sharippa's awesome. | ||
| You know, man, once in a while I rub people the wrong way. | ||
| I don't know why. | ||
| Just people in authority, I make them nervous. | ||
| But there are certain people that were notorious for being prickly that were always really, really nice to me. | ||
| Like Dan Murr in Tempe Improv. | ||
| You'd always hear these crazy stories about him. | ||
| But he was the nicest dude to me. | ||
| I was so thankful for it. | ||
| And Steve Scharippa was the same way. | ||
| Like this guy who was a notorious thorny dude. | ||
| Nice dude but could bust some balls. | ||
| Always really nice to me. | ||
| Sharipa is just fair. | ||
| If you were a douche, he would just call you on it. | ||
| That was what it was. | ||
| You're not a dickhead. | ||
| He's fine with you. | ||
| I never had a problem with Sharipa. | ||
| He's a great guy. | ||
| He was just really nice to me. | ||
| Gave me spots. | ||
| Made me feel like I had a chance in something. | ||
| I was the first comic to ever get booked twice at his club out of Vegas at the time. | ||
| And it was just such an amazing feeling. | ||
| And working with DiPaolo was just like who I'd always looked up to. | ||
| It was great because I was performing with him. | ||
| And he was having a fight with his girlfriend at the time. | ||
| I mean, a full-on brawl. | ||
| Before he got on stage, they'd be screaming at each other, go up and perform, get off stage, tell me what a great job I did, and then go back to arguing with his girlfriend. | ||
| I gotta get him on. | ||
| He's got something coming up. | ||
| We've actually been going back and forth with email. | ||
| Whenever he's in LA again, we'll definitely have one. | ||
| One of the funniest dudes, man. | ||
| Had some of the funniest jokes I've ever heard. | ||
| What the fuck happened with him and Artie Lang? | ||
| Do you know what happened there? | ||
| No, I was just told that he wanted to talk more sports and Artie wanted to just shoot the shit. | ||
| Really? | ||
| That's all I heard. | ||
| That doesn't seem right. | ||
| Seems like Artie loves talking sports, too. | ||
| I have a really great sports podcast, too, called Punch Drunk Sports. | ||
| You don't like my sports podcast? | ||
| Just kidding. | ||
| You can't say, I have a really great anything. | ||
| I do. | ||
| When you say, I have a really great show. | ||
| I do love it. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| I do with Ari and Jason Tebow. | ||
| People like it. | ||
| It's a sports podcast, but they like when we talk about anything but sports. | ||
| It's really weird. | ||
| People like talking about anything, man. | ||
| They like people that talk about shit that's interesting. | ||
| If you just had a sports podcast that talked only about sports, it wouldn't be as exciting as a sports podcast that mostly talked about sports. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But if some other shit came up and it was interesting and you go, ah, we can't talk about that, that's the beautiful thing about having a podcast. | ||
| Nobody can tell you that. | ||
| You can do whatever the fuck you want whenever you want to do it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I love it. | ||
| I love the uncensoredness of a podcast. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| I love podcasting. | ||
| I love podcasting almost as much as I love doing stand-up. | ||
| And I love doing stand-up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But I love talking. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I'm with you, 100%. | ||
| I agree with you. | ||
| I like just saying my opinion. | ||
| I have opinions. | ||
| And some people get really mad at me. | ||
| They get so angry that I don't share their opinion. | ||
| But it's just like, I'm just talking. | ||
| That's always going to be the case, man. | ||
| There's always going to be a bunch of people that get pretty pissed off. | ||
| They do. | ||
| They get angry with me. | ||
| People are real rigid in their ideas, man. | ||
| They wish me death. | ||
| People are rigid in their ideas, Sam Tripoli. | ||
| I'm just in the middle of nowhere. | ||
| I don't agree with you. | ||
| The things they say to me... | ||
| Climate change is not real. | ||
| Right? | ||
| It's just the things they say to me... | ||
| You fucking moron! | ||
| They're so vicious. | ||
| I think a lot of times they just want you to respond. | ||
| That's exactly what they want. | ||
| But I would never... | ||
| Back when I was growing up and I met somebody famous, I would never be vicious to them like that. | ||
| Can you even imagine, though, what it's like growing up in this age? | ||
| Where anybody you like, you just reach out and tell them they're a cunt? | ||
| Well, it makes nobody famous. | ||
| There's nothing... | ||
| No, that's not true. | ||
| It certainly makes other people talk about a lot. | ||
| If you're Puff Daddy, you're famous no matter what era you live in. | ||
| The difference is you're no longer beyond reproach. | ||
| Somebody can get a hold of you and go, your fucking album sucked, a big fat fucking pile of shit, fuck you, you queer. | ||
| You can say whatever you want. | ||
| I said that about Eminem. | ||
| I didn't say he sucked. | ||
| I watched him on that college football halftime show, and I go, well, it looks like Eminem's back on drugs, so the new album should rock. | ||
| I just tweeted that. | ||
| And dude, every fake Eminem Twitter account just started blasting me. | ||
| Like five or six of them just started calling me out. | ||
| And there was just some random... | ||
| I didn't even hashtag Eminem. | ||
| And it wasn't even Eminem that said that. | ||
| It was just random people. | ||
| Fake Eminems. | ||
| Eminem fans. | ||
| Well, you put out a little hate. | ||
| You got a little hate back. | ||
| I don't think that was hate. | ||
| I said it was gonna be a great album. | ||
| They don't want to think that it's the alcohol or the drugs that fuel the creativity, Sam Tripoli. | ||
| And I don't think it does either. | ||
| It comes from the genius. | ||
| I think it's genius. | ||
| You just happened to be fucked up when you came up with the idea. | ||
| Well, you've seen the video. | ||
| Folks who haven't seen the video, Jamie, pull up just the video of Eminem tripping. | ||
| So people could say, like, Sam Tripoli wasn't talking out of school. | ||
| I mean, he, like, went way out of his way to look really fucked up. | ||
| I mean, he was working it. | ||
| Are you talking about the... | ||
| The video of Eminem. | ||
| The one that you commented on. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, that's like the molly is hitting. | ||
| Well, he leaned forward and everything. | ||
| Look at him. | ||
| Like, come on. | ||
| I've been there. | ||
| His mouth is wide open, but he's leaning forward, like severely leaning forward. | ||
| He's rolling his eyes side to side. | ||
| I've been there. | ||
| I've been on Shrooms. | ||
| I've had that moment where I'm like, is this real life? | ||
| Is this his video they're playing? | ||
|
unidentified
|
They probably played a cut for it. | |
| He was joking around. | ||
| Obviously joking around a lot. | ||
| Uh, maybe. | ||
| I don't even care. | ||
| I'm not judging. | ||
| He's barely paying attention. | ||
| Some old dude with a fucking suit on. | ||
| Brett Musburger, who's great. | ||
| He's just like one of those old guys who just doesn't give a shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
One of those old football guys. | |
| Yeah, now he's done. | ||
| He's done now. | ||
| Now he's back to normal. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| You put some hate out there, Sam Tripoli. | ||
| You got it back. | ||
| You say it's hate. | ||
| I say it's love. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| I ain't judging. | ||
| Who am I to judge? | ||
| I've done my party in my day. | ||
| Well, the point is that there's a lot of hate out there online. | ||
| Well, there's a lot of emotional reaction to the hate. | ||
| People want you to think their way. | ||
| They want you to like what they like. | ||
| They don't digest. | ||
| They just see a word and they just react to it. | ||
| You see Adam Levine and Lady Gaga got into a little Twitter beef. | ||
| And Lady Gaga owned him. | ||
| Really? | ||
| With one line. | ||
| Because Adam Levine was, like, criticizing some of her work. | ||
| Like, you know, hey, I'm proud. | ||
| He was like, I'm proud to do pop music, but this is blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. | ||
| And so, you know, something about art. | ||
| And so she comes back on. | ||
| She goes, oh, look what we got here, guys. | ||
| It's the art police. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Oh, guys, the art police is here. | ||
| Come on. | ||
| Look at his quote. | ||
| I unabashedly love writing and performing pop music for both myself and in capital letters. | ||
| Everyone around me. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| It doesn't need any extra sauce. | ||
| Shut your hole, pretty man. | ||
| Shut your dumb hole. | ||
| That's really funny, man. | ||
| That's really funny. | ||
| She's had some beats with a couple people. | ||
| Yeah, whatever. | ||
| Her and Chris Hilton and Madonna, the three of them were going at it. | ||
| Oh, look at his quote. | ||
| Scroll that up. | ||
| What did he say? | ||
| Methinks those dost protest too much. | ||
| Yikes. | ||
| Shut up. | ||
| Thou dost protest too much. | ||
| Shut up, dude. | ||
| By the way, I'm not an artist. | ||
| I sing in a band and I make music with my friends. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Yeah, that's a self-inflicted wound right there. | ||
| Well, not only that, what he just said, I'm not an artist? | ||
| If you're not an artist, you need to shut the fuck up. | ||
| If you're singing and you're not an artist, what are you doing? | ||
| And I don't feel like she protested too much. | ||
| How is that, though? | ||
| How is he not an artist? | ||
| Are we pretending? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Who shits on himself? | ||
| Are you pretending that singing is not an art? | ||
| Why are you pretending? | ||
| Are you being self-deprecating there? | ||
| I just feel like he shit on himself. | ||
| You just basically say what you're doing is not artistic. | ||
| It's foolish self-deprecating behavior is what it is. | ||
| Deprecation. | ||
| Oh man, they put out that one album where he just broke up with his girlfriend. | ||
| Obviously, she ripped his heart out. | ||
| And it was a pretty good album, but the whole album was about her... | ||
| Her basically breaking her heart, man. | ||
| Breaking his heart? | ||
| Yeah, the other way around. | ||
| Whatever. | ||
| He's a dick. | ||
| Just that? | ||
| That's silly. | ||
| Why do you give a fuck what Lady Gaga sings? | ||
| I don't know why white guys... | ||
| I shouldn't say he's a dick. | ||
| Maybe he's a nice guy. | ||
| He was drunk. | ||
| Maybe he fucked up. | ||
| Maybe he was in a bad frame of mind. | ||
| I don't know the guy. | ||
| It goes back to your joke about all these sensitive... | ||
| White band guys. | ||
| There's a lot of that out there. | ||
| A lot of those guys that get into that position too. | ||
| There's also the thing that happens when people get into that sort of position of prominence where they feel like they have to stand up for their idea of what's right. | ||
| So him shitting all over her music, like, come on, I unabashedly perform pop music for myself and, in capital letters, everyone around me. | ||
| Like, come on. | ||
| Just that sentence shows me you're not that bright. | ||
| That's a not very bright sentence. | ||
| It's like comics who call out other comics on material and stuff like that. | ||
| Oh, you can't do those kind of jokes. | ||
| Yeah, what do you give a fuck? | ||
| I've never called out anybody for anything other than stealing. | ||
| That's why I agree wholeheartedly, brother. | ||
| That's the only people I've got problems with. | ||
| We both have friends that suck. | ||
| We know them. | ||
| We know there's a few that hang around the store. | ||
| They've always been terrible. | ||
| They're always going to be terrible. | ||
| I hug them every time I see them. | ||
| I don't care. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know, as long as you're nice. | ||
| As long as you're nice offstage, I don't care how you are. | ||
| Yeah, I mean... | ||
| As long as you don't get crazy and want to ask me advice or try to get me to rewrite your jokes. | ||
| Get alone. | ||
| There are some bad conversations that I've been in. | ||
| How do you think I should fix that bit? | ||
| Like, oh, come on, man. | ||
| This is not even possible. | ||
| I can't help you here. | ||
| Yeah, it's hard to tag somebody else's stuff. | ||
| Not just hard to tag. | ||
| How do you make something funny that's not funny at all? | ||
| Right. | ||
| And someone comes up to you and, I'm having a hard time with this bit where I eat babies. | ||
| I can't fucking clean it up. | ||
| Right. | ||
| The problem with me is I've watched so much comedy in my life, I can see when the tricks are coming. | ||
| There's tricks. | ||
| Comics do some tricks. | ||
| I'm not judging them. | ||
| It's just the way it is. | ||
| It's Jedi mind tricks. | ||
| It's whatever. | ||
| I've watched it for so long. | ||
| If I know your act before you walk on stage, I just can't watch comedy. | ||
| It's very hard for me to watch comedy right now. | ||
| Unless it's someone I've heard a lot about. | ||
| You keep saying that, and I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. | ||
| I've got to be honest with you. | ||
| You're saying that, and I experience just the opposite. | ||
| I just can't watch. | ||
| I think you're just around a bunch of shitty comedians. | ||
| Maybe that's it. | ||
| Maybe I need to find a funnier group of people. | ||
| No, really. | ||
| You're doing some shows, like some of those late-night spots at the store or whatever, or open mic nights in certain places. | ||
| You can get around a bunch of tricks. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You're not supposed to watch those. | ||
| You know when those guys are there, you get out of the room. | ||
| I just can't watch comedy. | ||
| That's not true. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I've tried it. | |
| If Joey Diaz is going on stage, you're going to watch him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| I can watch him, but those are the legends. | ||
| But it's very hard for me. | ||
| And I'm not saying I'm anything better than anybody. | ||
| I'm just a dude doing stand-up, but I can't watch it. | ||
| Just don't watch the bad stuff, dude. | ||
| It's not that difficult. | ||
| I wish they'd tell me when they're bad so I don't walk in and see it. | ||
| Well, you're gonna get that. | ||
| People are trying shit out. | ||
| They're trying to get good. | ||
| You're gonna get bad. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Don't dwell on it though. | ||
| I don't. | ||
| Dwell on it. | ||
| Don't be all like fucking Adam, whatever his name is. | ||
| Who? | ||
| Get all Lady Gaga with people. | ||
| What's his name? | ||
| Adam Levine. | ||
| Pretty, pretty bastard. | ||
| I love to sing for the ladies. | ||
| It's tough to go through life being that handsome and not just get a delusional sense of your own intelligence. | ||
| People like you so much. | ||
| Beautiful cheekbones, smooth skin, perfect amount of stubble. | ||
| Everything you want just can cross it off your list. | ||
| All your sexual must-dos you got. | ||
| God, must be nice. | ||
| Or not. | ||
| It's not natural. | ||
| What? | ||
| You might be better off being a chimp, better off doing an old school primate style. | ||
| That trickery of being on a screen, singing a certain song, having them all going crazy and throwing panties at you, that shit's unnatural. | ||
| When it comes down to it, he's got weak genes. | ||
| Look at the shit he's writing. | ||
| His little pea brain. | ||
| Well, do you think he's writing it because that's how he feels or he knows that's what will sell? | ||
| That statement that he said is a dumb statement. | ||
| The whole thing about unabashedly make pop music, that's just something a dummy says. | ||
| I'm not saying he's dumb. | ||
| I mean, he might not be dumb. | ||
| Maybe it's just tough to get your expression out in 140 characters. | ||
| And it is. | ||
| It is. | ||
| It's way easier to do this. | ||
| I mean, think about some of the shit that I've said so far that I had to clarify in just explaining myself about him. | ||
| You're great with footnotes. | ||
| You explain something you have footnotes. | ||
| Leave Lady Gaga alone. | ||
| First of all, this is what you should pay attention to with Lady Gaga. | ||
| Her tremendous ass. | ||
| That should be it. | ||
| She loves showing it, too. | ||
| That should be all you're paying attention to. | ||
| Pull those pictures up of Lady Gaga's ass from the Grammys. | ||
| And listen to me, Mr. Levine. | ||
| If you're concentrating on her singing, you're doing it wrong. | ||
| Okay? | ||
| What you should be concentrating on is the fact that her and Miley Cyrus had an old-school South Park slut-off on the Video Music Awards, and Lady Gaga dominated her. | ||
| She dominated her without any of the tongue sticking out, without any of the stupid shit with the foam finger, just with this tremendous body she has. | ||
| Oh, that's so good. | ||
| Pull that shit up. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| Dude, come on with your bad self. | ||
| Look at her ass. | ||
| Give us a full photo. | ||
| There's some great pictures where you see the whole body. | ||
| Her body's in tremendous shape, man. | ||
| That is a great ass. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Dude, her body's insane. | ||
| I want to breathe through it. | ||
| She wins. | ||
| Her body wins. | ||
| I just want to breathe. | ||
| Why are you talking about her singing? | ||
| If you don't like it, don't like it. | ||
| But why would you complain about that? | ||
| I guess it was some music video she did that showed various art styles or something. | ||
| I don't know what the fuck it was all about. | ||
| Who cares? | ||
| Look at her ass. | ||
| That's the comparison between her ass. | ||
| That is hilarious. | ||
| It's rude. | ||
| I was talking about it on stage. | ||
| She's got fuck you money. | ||
| That's a fuck you thing. | ||
| That's all that was. | ||
| She probably just threw it together. | ||
| She's young. | ||
| You shouldn't be that famous when you're that young. | ||
| You're 20 years old, you're trying to find yourself, and you're doing it on television like that, and someone allows you to put that together and do that on television. | ||
| Or maybe she likes it. | ||
| Who knows? | ||
| Maybe when you're 20, that's cool. | ||
| I love her big, dumb teeth. | ||
| You remember when there were things you liked when you were young? | ||
| There were certain comic books you looked forward to. | ||
| If you had to read them today, you'd be like, what is this piece of shit? | ||
| Back then you loved him? | ||
| Maybe that's what it's like for her. | ||
| She's 20 years old. | ||
| Right. | ||
| What she thinks is awesome might be that. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| She might watch that every night and go, I fucking knocked it out of the park! | ||
| I was watching Ghostbusters the other day. | ||
| It's still a great movie, but I remember when I was a kid watching it, how my mind was blown at how funny that movie was. | ||
| Well, that's a different time, though. | ||
| There's a thing about comedy, that comedy has a very short sort of lifetime to it. | ||
| And then if you go back and try to watch some comedies from a long time ago, a lot of them don't hold up at all. | ||
| You could see, like, even Blazing Saddles was a great fucking movie. | ||
| You go back and watch it today and compare it to something like, did you see The World's End? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Fucking hilarious. | ||
| It was an awesome movie. | ||
| It was a great movie. | ||
| Here's my thing about The World's End. | ||
| I think that put the end of the whole rape joke controversy. | ||
| Because they do a five minute bit in there about a rape joke. | ||
| And nobody said anything. | ||
| So I'm like, okay, that's cool. | ||
| It was hilarious. | ||
| It was five minutes. | ||
| Wait a minute. | ||
| Where? | ||
| Where? | ||
| Oh, is that the one with the bar, or is that the one with Seth Rogen? | ||
| Oh, I thought you'd talk about the one with Seth Rogen. | ||
| Jesus Christ, I'm like, what did you see? | ||
| That one, what was it? | ||
| This is the end? | ||
| This is the end. | ||
| That was hilarious. | ||
| This is a totally different movie. | ||
| Did you not like that one? | ||
| I didn't see that one. | ||
| I saw The World's End. | ||
| It was very funny. | ||
| The World's End is the robots in the pub. | ||
| I haven't seen it. | ||
| I'll go watch it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'll come back with a book report on it. | |
| Well, those guys are funny. | ||
| Yeah, Dumb and Dumber, they're doing a reunion. | ||
| 20 years later. | ||
| Yeah, that's not necessary. | ||
| That's a mistake. | ||
| He beat out at the Emmys? | ||
| He beat out Breaking Bad? | ||
| Who did? | ||
| Jeff Daniels? | ||
| Yeah, his character on Newsroom. | ||
| Newsroom? | ||
| Oh, that's right. | ||
| That's the same guy. | ||
| It's hard to remember that that's the same guy when you see him there with this silly look on his face. | ||
| I don't want to watch this. | ||
| Who knows, though? | ||
| Is it the Farrelly brothers still? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We have to look up. | ||
| Don't probably mean there's a fucking computer in front of you. | ||
| Google it, son! | ||
| I'm pretty sure it is. | ||
| Probably in 2013. Yes, it is. | ||
| Well, if it's the Farrelly brothers, that makes sense. | ||
| Because they know what the fuck they're doing. | ||
| That's their movie. | ||
| Maybe they can do it again. | ||
| They were supposed to put out the movie, but then that Magician movie didn't do that well, so they pulled funding on it. | ||
| Even though that Magician movie was hilarious. | ||
| I heard that Burt Wonderstone is hilarious. | ||
| It's hilarious, dude. | ||
| I heard it's really fucking funny. | ||
| I watched it on the flight, the international flight, where they give you like 90 movies to watch, and that was one of it. | ||
| And I'm like, this is really funny. | ||
| Why didn't it go? | ||
| What happened? | ||
| Dude, who knows? | ||
| I don't know how they market it. | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| What's his face? | ||
| Steve Carell is a great, great comedic actor. | ||
| I don't know how well some of his movies do, but he's a great actor. | ||
| Yeah, that movie, for whatever reason, just didn't seem appealing when it was out in the movie theaters to me either. | ||
| I thought it was marketed or something. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| And let me tell you, Jim Carrey murders it in that movie. | ||
| He's so good in that movie. | ||
| Is he the magician? | ||
| He's like the bad guy magician in it. | ||
| Oh, alright. | ||
| I need to go see that. | ||
| It was great, man. | ||
| It was a great movie. | ||
| I watched it on a plane, but I didn't watch all of it. | ||
| But I was howling. | ||
| I couldn't watch all of it, though. | ||
| And he was great. | ||
| Jim Carrey was great in Kick-Ass 2. Yeah, that was good. | ||
| I love Kick-Ass. | ||
| Kick-Ass 1 was one of the best movies I've ever watched. | ||
| I did not see Kick-Ass 2. It's good. | ||
| Number 1 is a little better, but that's hard to beat because it's such a great movie. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But that little girl in that movie is so smart. | ||
| There's some of these child actors, you're like, man, how do they grasp that kind of emotion? | ||
| Because they're brilliant. | ||
| They're like... | ||
| They all go on like Harvard and Yale to school and stuff like that because they're way smarter than the average kid at that age. | ||
| Well, I don't think it's hard to act, man. | ||
| I think there's a lot of kids out there that can do it. | ||
| I honestly do. | ||
| Yeah, but I think there's some kids you see that they're just playing a kid and then you see there's some who like have the moment. | ||
| That girl who's also in Let Me In, she's incredible. | ||
| Yeah, she's really good, but I don't think that it's that hard to do. | ||
| Okay, I'll give you that. | ||
| I did a movie this year and it was like, I'm like, oh, I should have done this before. | ||
| But it's like, yeah, but this, some of these kids are just able to just nail this very adult motion. | ||
| Yeah, no, they definitely are. | ||
| Especially if it's really well written and they're really smart. | ||
| I met Dakota Fanning, is that her name? | ||
| Really young girl once. | ||
| Very, very smart kid. | ||
| Very smart. | ||
| She's another one that was a brilliant young actress. | ||
| But I always get weirded out by the idea because, like Miley Cyrus, I think everybody should be able to do whatever the fuck they want to do. | ||
| However, are you sure that's what you want? | ||
| And are you sure you're ready to handle the repercussions of that? | ||
| Because being a Miley Cyrus has got to be mind-bogglingly difficult to not go crazy. | ||
| If you look at all of them, everyone who ever was a young superstar, how many of them made it through? | ||
| Ron Howard, Jodie Foster, and who knows how crazy they really are. | ||
| They seem awesome. | ||
| I mean, Ron Howard seems totally together, so does Jodie Foster. | ||
| But think about how many of them went loco. | ||
| Too much too early. | ||
| I know a couple. | ||
| I know them personally. | ||
| I know a couple of them that were famous when they were young. | ||
| And they're fucking crazy, man. | ||
| They're all wired wrong. | ||
| Just like moving around and working. | ||
| But you're like, oh, this is where that is. | ||
| And that's where this is. | ||
| And how'd you get wired with that? | ||
| Oh, you've been famous since you were five. | ||
| So that never even grew? | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| That's a Justin Bieber situation. | ||
| You know, it's like... | ||
| It just seems like he's got everything. | ||
| I mean, his dad's his manager, but what can his dad tell him? | ||
| I don't think when you could have outside influences, that's when things start going really crazy. | ||
| Yeah, there's no doubt about that. | ||
| There's no doubt that if you are a regular human being, like we all are, and you don't slowly get inoculated to the idea of fame, you don't develop some character, you don't get older, you don't get wiser, you just jump into it from the time you're a baby... | ||
| Your reality is going to be so much different than everyone else's. | ||
| It's going to be impossible to relate. | ||
| That's what you are. | ||
| You become like a wild animal. | ||
| You're not taught, you know, a proper way to act. | ||
| You're not trained in the proper way of being in society. | ||
| So you're just reacting however you want to react. | ||
| Well, I don't know about that, but you don't develop character the way a normal person does. | ||
| Being accepted or rejected, learning how to communicate with people. | ||
| How you act, how you treat people. | ||
| Yeah, you're going to be famous from the jump. | ||
| And just that alone, having that royalty thing, being so much more, look at Michael Jackson. | ||
| How many of them had to become that way? | ||
| Donny Osmond would be the most normal. | ||
| Yeah, because he still had his family. | ||
| Still had Mormonism. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Keep it together. | ||
| Had a bunch of people, but then it's like Joe Jackson had some crazy kids come out. | ||
| But think about Michael Jackson. | ||
| I mean, that fame is beyond anything anyone will ever get to. | ||
| I mean, he was the biggest thing on the planet. | ||
| He couldn't leave his house. | ||
| So every day, he's probably looking at himself in the mirror. | ||
| And just imagine if you looked at yourself in the mirror all day, every day. | ||
| It's just like you'd start nitpicking yourself. | ||
| Yeah, you would start fucking with yourself. | ||
| Especially if you started changing things about your face. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Bleaching your skin. | ||
| Wanting to get your lips thinner. | ||
| Yeah, he did a lot of weird shit, man. | ||
| I wonder what he really did. | ||
| I wonder if ever we'll find out what were the full extent of the surgeries, but he's the first guy in the history of television, film, everything that we watched become like a freak. | ||
| Went from, and I don't mean freak in a good way, went from being this young boy who's this brilliant talent to being this man who hides and wants to be with children and has an amusement park and he's pale. | ||
| He's a white guy for no reason. | ||
| His nose is skinny. | ||
| His lips are skinny. | ||
| I mean, his face changed so radically. | ||
| He might be the first guy that we've ever seen that has done that. | ||
| The first person that we've ever seen. | ||
| That's grown from childhood to adult and become like this kind of crazy freak like that. | ||
| And everywhere you go, there's cameras. | ||
| You can't go anywhere. | ||
| You can't do anything. | ||
| I mean, that's just too much fame. | ||
| The comparisons of his face when he first started and then what he became over the years and what he looked like before he died, it's really, really shocking. | ||
| First of all, who the fuck are these plastic surgeons? | ||
| How come nobody knows who these people are? | ||
| Like, we know who the guy is who gave him the drugs that made him die, but nobody knows who did all that work on him. | ||
| Like, that guy did a terrible disservice. | ||
| Yes! | ||
| Like, what did you do? | ||
| Like, that dude needed a hug, and he thinned his lips out, you know? | ||
| You gave him so many nose operations that his nose caved in. | ||
| Like, what kind of doctor says yes to that? | ||
| One who wants money. | ||
| I'm sure they just wanted to throw an immense amount of cash at him. | ||
| Do you have any photos? | ||
| See if you can pull any photos of, like, the before and after. | ||
| It's just, um... | ||
| It's madness. | ||
| What he's done to his body. | ||
| What he did to his face. | ||
| His eyes. | ||
| Look at the size of his eyes when it was all over. | ||
| So strange. | ||
| It's so strange. | ||
| Yeah, he made himself look white. | ||
| Well, he just did a lot of crazy shit to his nose. | ||
| His nose was so bad that they had to graft skin over it. | ||
| It caved in. | ||
| It lost its support. | ||
| It started getting necrosis on his nose, apparently, too. | ||
| Isn't that what the one girl from The Hills, Heidi Montage, she did so much plastic surgery her nose was falling off? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| That's bullshit, dude. | ||
| That's not real. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Is that true? | ||
| That's sad shit, man. | ||
| It's sad shit when you see people start fucking shooting things in their face. | ||
| Shaving their faces up. | ||
| Cutting their nose down. | ||
| How about Cat Lady? | ||
| That woman who got so much plasticity, she looks like a cat. | ||
| And that's what starts happening. | ||
| Yeah, I think she started fixing that. | ||
| Let's see. | ||
| Let me see. | ||
| I think there was something about Cat Lady fixing her face. | ||
| Cat Lady, fix your fucking face. | ||
| But there's a lot of ladies that I see in Beverly Hills that look like monsters. | ||
| Yeah, the duck lips are just like... | ||
| Who said that sexy duck lips? | ||
| Yeah, she's trying to fix it. | ||
| She's making it... | ||
| Wow, she was so pretty in the beginning, man. | ||
| That's really sad. | ||
| It's just when you have that much money and you just get bored. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| She was so pretty. | ||
| Yeah, and then you just start injecting this and shaving that. | ||
| Well, I also think that the human mind is... | ||
| It's very possible for people to go crazy, given the wrong circumstances, given the wrong motivations, the wrong people in their life. | ||
| People can blow fuses. | ||
| They can blast screws out, and they can go nutty. | ||
| And they might not even realize what they're doing while they're doing it. | ||
| Like, did you see that lady that... | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| The lady that... | ||
| Wow, is that really what she looked like? | ||
| She was hot! | ||
| No, is that real? | ||
| Wow, that's so crazy. | ||
| There's a before and after of the cat lady where she was beautiful. | ||
| You know what's so funny? | ||
| No matter how much plastic surgery you get, you can never remove the experience of life from your eyes. | ||
| You can always tell in the eyes how much stuff you've seen, how much stuff you've been through. | ||
| It's always in the eyes. | ||
| You can't shave that off. | ||
| You can never get rid of the crazy either. | ||
| Right? | ||
| You can't unsee what you've seen. | ||
| Yeah, when the crazy's in the eyes, you see that shit. | ||
| Crazy fucking people are everywhere, too. | ||
| There's a woman in Korea that got addicted to plastic surgery, so she started injecting cooking oil into her face. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Did you see that? | ||
| No, I don't want to see it. | ||
| You don't want to see it. | ||
| It's sad, though. | ||
| And she was a really pretty young girl, and she just... | ||
| Apparently, it's just like... | ||
| Anorexia, just like bodybuilders that don't know how big they are, we're susceptible. | ||
| We're susceptible to all sorts of weird variations in human behavior. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Addictions. | |
| Yeah, addictions. | ||
| And we're susceptible to going down these weird delusional paths where we don't see ourselves for what we look like. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really common. | |
| I'm with that with my fatness. | ||
| How do you see yourself? | ||
| I see myself as a sexy beast. | ||
| Are you just a rock? | ||
| Are you bulky at all? | ||
| I don't know what it is about my home mirror, but it makes me feel a lot better than this shot does. | ||
| Well, look how you're sitting, though. | ||
| It's bad posture. | ||
| I'm relaxing. | ||
| What do you want me to go? | ||
| Prop? | ||
| What do you want me to go? | ||
| Sit up. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| That's not bad right there. | ||
| Look how you're sitting. | ||
| You know what, man? | ||
| I like everywhere, but here. | ||
| This is just it. | ||
| And I got to start working that. | ||
| I do. | ||
| You don't work out at all? | ||
| I do. | ||
| I just run. | ||
| But I gotta do more. | ||
| You gotta lift some weights. | ||
| I gotta get over the pink and blue weights. | ||
| I gotta get to the man weights. | ||
| You gotta get to raw black metal. | ||
| Yeah, the metal, the blacks. | ||
| I gotta get over that. | ||
| Those pink weights aren't helping. | ||
| How old are you now, Sam? | ||
| I'm 40. You gotta do it before it's too late. | ||
| While your body's still pumping good fluid. | ||
| It's slowing down. | ||
| You're gonna get some sludge in your veins, son. | ||
| I gotta keep moving. | ||
| It's harder to do it when you're 40 than it is when you're 39 and harder when you're 41 than it is when you're 40. I know, dude. | ||
| I know. | ||
| Yeah, baby. | ||
| Keep it going. | ||
| Are you the voice inside my head? | ||
| I am. | ||
| I'm trying to be. | ||
| Please, I need it. | ||
| You don't want me in there. | ||
| I'll make a recording for you. | ||
| I'll drive you crazy. | ||
| You'll throw that shit out of your head within the first day. | ||
| No, dude, I don't want to. | ||
| No, my left field was to just skip and play over and over again. | ||
| Do you think that that would be a good product to sell? | ||
| Me telling people what to do? | ||
| Like, listen, you can fucking do this. | ||
| Fear Factor style. | ||
| I completely agree you could sell the fuck out of it. | ||
| Kick some fucking ass. | ||
| And I'll personalize it to your name, Sam Tripoli. | ||
| Today's the day. | ||
| You are the hero. | ||
| In the movie of your own life. | ||
| It's time to get shit popping. | ||
| Isn't that what motivational speakers do? | ||
| They just sell you tapes and just tell you to believe in yourself? | ||
| The way to do it right is to use a guy's name. | ||
| To make a real personal one and use their name. | ||
| If you really needed it, most people don't need it. | ||
| Most people are like, bitch, I don't need to hear you tell me what to do. | ||
| I'm with you, man. | ||
| I think a lot of people will love it. | ||
| A lot of people need it. | ||
| You obviously know how far this show reaches. | ||
| People live, breathe, and die this shit. | ||
| I did morning news in San Diego. | ||
| I wasn't even on a show. | ||
| She's like, I heard your name on a Joe Rogan show. | ||
| Hot chick out of San Diego. | ||
| Do you think you had a shot with her? | ||
| I could have if I wanted to keep pushing it. | ||
| They had me doing radio from 6 in the morning until 3 in the afternoon. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| I was on an immediate tour. | ||
| Comedy Madhouse down in... | ||
| Why would they put you on so much? | ||
| Because they just want me to push product. | ||
| Jesus Christ, son. | ||
| Just let me know and I'll tweet it for you. | ||
| That's ridiculous. | ||
| Don't do that. | ||
| Yeah, well, you know, I like doing it. | ||
| I like going in there and see if I can rock it, but man, that was longer than it's ever been. | ||
| It's good to rock it, but you also need to get some sleep before the show. | ||
| It affected my show. | ||
| Oh, it does. | ||
| My first show, I was just like, my energy is just really whacked right now. | ||
| Well, especially because most comedians, and it's not an excuse, but the reality is, we have a certain sleep cycle. | ||
| We go to bed at like 2, 3, 4, you know, even later in the morning. | ||
| Like, people said to me like, oh, you were up pretty late last night. | ||
| I saw you tweeting around 2 a.m. | ||
| I'm like, bitch, I just started writing at 2. Right. | ||
| I went to bed at 8. You usually go to bed at what time? | ||
| I go to bed in the morning. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like what, like 6? | ||
| My kids go to bed really early. | ||
| They go to bed at like 7-ish, 7.30. | ||
| I read them stories. | ||
| By 7.30, they're conked out. | ||
| They've got to get up in the morning and go to school. | ||
| I can't write until the house is quiet. | ||
| Trust me, you cannot write dick jokes while you've got little girls screaming. | ||
| I totally understand. | ||
| You know, playing Team Umizoomi and running around your house. | ||
| And you also have to pay attention to them while they're awake, while they're home. | ||
| That's when we have fun together. | ||
| And when it's all done and everyone's asleep, then I can get into my shit. | ||
| Daddy goes to work. | ||
| Daddy goes to work. | ||
| And sometimes it lasts a long time. | ||
| Like, if I catch a wave, like, if I'm on a roll, like, especially if I'm writing a blog or, like, lately I've been writing a novel, actually. | ||
| I started writing it a few weeks ago. | ||
| I've been obsessed with this. | ||
| You put out so much content. | ||
| Yeah, I got a lot of shit in my head, man. | ||
| Trying to get over my childhood. | ||
| Hey, that childhood made you who you are. | ||
| Yeah, absolutely. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Everybody used to have a shitty childhood. | ||
| Makes you awesome. | ||
| Hey, man, if it was handed to you, you'd be lazy. | ||
| Yeah, there's a little of that too, but also I enjoy the creative process. | ||
| I really enjoy it. | ||
| The only thing that keeps me from doing it is distractions, whether it's playing pool or doing jiu-jitsu or other things in my life or watching TV or something like that. | ||
| Those are the only distractions that actually keep me from creating things. | ||
| I'm at my happiest. | ||
| Not at my happiest, but... | ||
| I think a good source of happiness, I should say, I want to quantify it, is when something comes out. | ||
| When I sit down and write something and it comes out. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| That's why I never understood joke stealing, because I love so much coming up with an idea for Fine-tuning it and presenting it to people and the reaction to it. | ||
| I enjoy... | ||
| You know, it's like I could do just crowd work. | ||
| I could just rack the crowd for an hour, just go do an interview, find out who they are, rack them, and they'd be happy. | ||
| But that doesn't get me off. | ||
| What gets me off is coming up with an idea in my head, fine-tuning it, tagging it, and then presenting it to a crowd and getting a reaction from... | ||
| 300 strangers or how many people are in the crowd? | ||
| Well, that is what an artist is. | ||
| That's why the guy saying he's not an artist is so fucking silly. | ||
| You put together a song, you're an artist. | ||
| Shut your hole, all right? | ||
| Stop it. | ||
| And when you're an artist, you get that satisfaction of someone appreciating your art. | ||
| That's what it is to make something good. | ||
| They appreciate your art. | ||
| And that's what these people are doing. | ||
| They're appreciating your art. | ||
| You put something together and the reward is when it comes out right, you get a big laugh from the crowd. | ||
| It's awesome. | ||
| I love it when I hear, you know, I'll go on the road and I'll meet some people who are fans of the podcast and They're in the middle of nowhere and they're doing their own podcast. | ||
| And I love that they're finding their own creative ways to put their things out. | ||
| It isn't necessarily like, hey, I gotta get this podcast out because I need to have this result which will lead to this. | ||
| They just love the creativity. | ||
| I always think that's so cool, man. | ||
| Just to be doing your own thing. | ||
| Like a lot of the Death Squad people in Ohio, they have this whole Death Squad network and a bunch of them do podcasts. | ||
| And I think it's really cool, man. | ||
| The internet is filled with people that have their own podcasts. | ||
| I get requests to listen to them every day. | ||
| Someone says, hey, check out my podcast. | ||
| Look, if you do something that's good, people will listen, and then they'll tell people, and so on and so on, and it'll grow. | ||
| And it's really that easy. | ||
| I mean, I know I had a head start because I was already on television. | ||
| I did a bunch of other things before I started doing my podcast. | ||
| It all just grew. | ||
| The first couple episodes, there was like 100 people listening to it. | ||
| Nobody gives a shit. | ||
| It takes a while. | ||
| I remember you talking about doing your podcast. | ||
| I think you'd just done Adam Carolla's show, right? | ||
| And you're like, hey man, I might try to do that. | ||
| Well, we actually did it long before then, but we never stuck with it. | ||
| We did it on Justin TV. We used to do it after shows. | ||
| We used to do this before anybody was doing podcasts. | ||
| We were doing these live streaming things from the green room. | ||
| We would answer questions. | ||
| They had a little chat room. | ||
| We would just talk shit from the green room. | ||
| It was fun. | ||
| And then one day, there was two people that inspired me. | ||
| Adam Carolla and also Opie and Anthony. | ||
| Anthony Cumia has a place set up at his house. | ||
| And he has a green screen and a tricorder and the whole thing. | ||
| I mean, a tricaster. | ||
| And he has this incredible setup where he can pretend he's in Manhattan with the city behind him. | ||
| He can make it like Africa. | ||
| He can make it like space. | ||
| He can do whatever he wants. | ||
| And it's pretty fucking dope. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I saw that. | ||
| I was like, that would be fun to do. | ||
| And so we started doing them on Ustream. | ||
| Just, you know, three, almost four years ago. | ||
| It'll be four years ago, I think. | ||
| I think it's four years? | ||
| Something like that? | ||
| Four years ago in December. | ||
| That's a long ass time. | ||
| Have you ever thought about putting in a green screen? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Too much work. | ||
| And now, who gives a fuck? | ||
| You know, it's distracting, too. | ||
| I have a bunch of shit going on behind you. | ||
| Well, I mean, this place is gorgeous. | ||
| It's one more thing to think about, too. | ||
| I don't want to think about shit. | ||
| It's gorgeous. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| Gorgeous like a girl? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I won't fuck it. | |
| You want to fuck my house? | ||
| Yeah, I won't fuck your studio. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, we know what it is. | ||
| It's what you can do if you can just design it. | ||
| From the ground up by yourself. | ||
| I want a brick wall. | ||
| Make a brick wall. | ||
| I want a table made out of old oak. | ||
| Boom. | ||
| So that's not the natural wall there? | ||
| You just put in a wall? | ||
| No, I had that made. | ||
| I had that built. | ||
| You had someone build a wall? | ||
| Yeah, build a brick wall. | ||
| Yeah, all around through the whole building. | ||
| You just like being in front of brick walls like comedy clubs, huh? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Feels better. | |
| Feels organic. | ||
| That's why I wanted this wooden table, too. | ||
| The wooden table feels like... | ||
| You feel it, you know? | ||
| This has got a life to it. | ||
| This is reclaimed farm wood from a hundred-year-old farm. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| They cut it down, supposedly. | ||
| They might have lied to me. | ||
| They might have found this shit. | ||
| It's made in the U.S., but it's really China. | ||
| Tell this stupid fuck it's organic. | ||
| Tell them it's gluten-free. | ||
| What is this screen behind us, this thing? | ||
| That's some shit that the fucking people who produced the TV show, the sci-fi show created. | ||
| They put it back there. | ||
| They thought it was important to have something back there. | ||
| It makes the light look a little cool. | ||
| Does it do anything, though, or does it just hangs out? | ||
| It just chills. | ||
| We can turn the lights on and it turns different colors. | ||
| Oh, look at that. | ||
| Swimming pool at night? | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| It'll do that to the wall, too, without that thing. | ||
| Those are just little lights that we have on the ground. | ||
| Well, it looks great. | ||
| It sets a great tone in here. | ||
| Thank you very much, Sam Tripp. | ||
| Very sexy. | ||
| I'm glad you enjoy the ambiance. | ||
| I'm very excited about working with you two this weekend. | ||
| I'm very excited about doing the... | ||
| As you can tell, I'm excited about the Comedy Magic Club. | ||
| I'm going over my set because I want to rock it, but I also... | ||
| I'm not a guy who likes to go into a comedy club and be like, fuck you, I'm going to do what I want to do. | ||
| I love the Comedy Magic Club. | ||
| I know they like it a little cleaner, so I'm working on what my set should be. | ||
| Well, I'm not going to be clean, but I'm not going to... | ||
| Listen, man, I don't want to... | ||
| I actually don't know what I'm going to do. | ||
| You're just rambling. | ||
| I'm just trying to figure it out, what I should do. | ||
| You finished that Starbucks coffee. | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
| Is that coffee or tea in there? | ||
| That's coffee. | ||
| You got fired up, buddy. | ||
| Well, I've got to figure out what I'm going to do. | ||
| It's a weird thing, because I'm working for you, and you kind of do whatever you want, but then it's a club that's kind of what it's clean. | ||
| So what you're saying is you're working for me, but you're also working to impress the club so you can come back again. | ||
| No, I... Dude, I get that I'm not their kind of comic. | ||
| So I get that. | ||
| And it's a great club. | ||
| They have me there once a year, maybe. | ||
| But it's like, I don't want to go in there and be like... | ||
| Just shit on the rules. | ||
| That's not my way. | ||
| Yeah, it's not rules, dude. | ||
| Don't worry about that. | ||
| Mike's fine. | ||
| He's a good guy. | ||
| He's not going to book you anyway. | ||
| I get that. | ||
| I get that. | ||
| But I don't know. | ||
| I have this thing that I'm like, I don't want to piss people off. | ||
| I don't know why. | ||
| Even though I had a guy throwing a chair at me this weekend. | ||
| You don't have to worry about it. | ||
| That's the store. | ||
| I'm telling you. | ||
| First of all, the store's haunted. | ||
| You know that and I know that. | ||
| If I ever believed in ghosts and I never saw a ghost, there's an energy to the store. | ||
| I saw a ghost one time. | ||
| Mmm. | ||
| I had seen a ghost. | ||
| Where? | ||
| Well, one time I was in the green room and I was all alone and I was just writing and getting my set ready and all of a sudden I hear in the shower, they have a shower in the green room, the main room, I heard the faucet just turning. | ||
| I'm like, what the fuck? | ||
| And the water started going. | ||
| I'm like, dude, that's some crazy shit. | ||
| Well, another time, I was promoting an Audi show there, and I'd run into the lobby of the main room, and it was completely bright. | ||
| And then I ran back, and I had to go grab something from my car, and they come back, and the room was dark. | ||
| And I'm like, and Jeff Ross and his writing staff from his show were all there. | ||
| I'm like, did you see anyone go through here and turn this off? | ||
| They're like, no, nobody's come through here since you came through. | ||
| I'm like, okay. | ||
| So I start getting a little freaked out. | ||
| So I walk into the lobby and it's pitch black, but there's this weird one light, this bright white light going against kind of where Tommy used to stands, which is kind of where the cashier area is of the main room lobby. | ||
| And it's this white light, and it's kind of a weird reflection coming from Sunset Street. | ||
| It's like bouncing off. | ||
| It's coming from there, bouncing off this glass door, and then it's hitting this thing. | ||
| And I have no clue how the white light is getting there. | ||
| And I'm just looking at it, all of a sudden I see just this figure go right in front of the light. | ||
| And I'm just like, ah, okay, I'm fucking out of here. | ||
| And I just went in the other room and made them go turn the lights on, because I'm a big pussy. | ||
| So you saw something go in front of it? | ||
| Like this figure just go right in front of that white light. | ||
| Is it possible there was some sort of a reflection from outside? | ||
| It's possible, but I wouldn't put my... | ||
| Maybe it's possible, but all I know is that what's light in the lobby, I come back, it's pitch black, and I just see something go right in front of this white light. | ||
| Hmm. | ||
| You know, it's not impossible, man. | ||
| I don't think that it's impossible. | ||
| I've talked about it before on this show about how I believe it's like, I believe in ghosts because I think everything is energy and it's a transfer of energy. | ||
| And you always hear like when ghosts happen, it's always when some violent crime had happened, which I always think fucks with the transfer of the energy when you get absorbed back in to the whole, you know, the connection. | ||
| When your energy goes and you get absorbed back in, some violence fucks with that transfer and your energy ends up getting, it's in between here and there. | ||
| So that's where the ghosts come from. | ||
| Well, it might be possible. | ||
| I mean, the idea is proposed by a guy named Rupert Sheldrake. | ||
| I think he's an evolutionary biologist, but he had this idea that everything has memory. | ||
| And that's why people don't want to buy houses, that people died in them. | ||
| That there's a feeling of those experiences are still stuck in that space. | ||
| I don't know if that's true or not, but my dad is not a very... | ||
| He's my stepdad, but he's... | ||
| I call him my dad. | ||
| I don't really know my real dad, but he's not a very... | ||
| He's not a spiritual guy, not a woo-woo guy, not religious at all, but he went to Gettysburg. | ||
| And he told me that he had a really bad experience there. | ||
| He said it's just like you could feel the death. | ||
| He goes, it feels sad. | ||
| It's just like there's a feeling there. | ||
| And he goes, and it might be because I knew what happened there. | ||
| He goes, but it didn't feel like it. | ||
| He's like, it just felt like there was something in the place that I could tangibly interact with. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, if something violent and bad happened, you can feel it in the air. | ||
| It is possible, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Again, it's like my opinion on transfer of energy. | ||
| Everything's connected. | ||
| It might just be something that is really difficult to register. | ||
| Something that's really difficult. | ||
| There's a lot of people that automatically shoo the idea away, shoo any idea away, if that idea seems to be a wacko idea. | ||
| They don't go, hmm, man, maybe. | ||
| But think about how many fucking people have told ghost stories. | ||
| Is it possible there's something to that? | ||
| Is it all the imagination? | ||
| I mean, it could all be the imagination. | ||
| It could just be like an archetype that keeps repeating itself over and over again in the human psyche. | ||
| Is it possible that there's things that can't be proven through science in terms of what we judge as scientific proof? | ||
| I think it's possible that it could be. | ||
| I think it's also possible that there could be a whole other dimension that we don't experience in this current state. | ||
| There might be another dimension where consciousness lives. | ||
| You know, there might be another dimension where your soul goes after you die. | ||
| It sounds ridiculous, but so does regular life. | ||
| Well, your episode on psychics, man, I totally relate to that. | ||
| I mean, again, I feel like everything's interconnected through energy and that some people may be able to connect with the energy a little better than other people. | ||
| Maybe they see stuff that's going to happen. | ||
| Maybe, but the episode on psychics showed more about charlatans than anything. | ||
| Well, there was part of that, but that's just one instance in which I personally believe that there are people who can tap into an energy that other people maybe can't. | ||
| It's certainly possible. | ||
| I can't do it, and I couldn't prove anybody could do it on the show. | ||
| We couldn't get anybody to show us they could do it. | ||
| The most psychic thing we had on the show was a guy pretending to be psychic. | ||
| That was telling us in advance that he was this guy Banachek. | ||
| Yeah, I saw that. | ||
| He faked it. | ||
| The mentalist? | ||
| Yeah, he told us in advance, I'm going to pretend to be psychic. | ||
| He fooled a series of scientists for four years with all these tricks that he does. | ||
| I mean, he's just a master. | ||
| He won't tell you how he does it, but he tells you he's doing it. | ||
| I want to know how he did the... | ||
| The dice. | ||
| I want to know how we did all of it. | ||
| The dice thing, I looked at it and he had his hand in his pocket while I was rolling the dice and I wonder if there's something in his pocket that registers, like he could touch it and it gives him like two zaps for two, three zaps for three, like it lets him know like what the number is. | ||
| It is possible. | ||
| It is possible that he does that. | ||
| That could be a possibility. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| My cousin supposedly can, if you hand him something, he can put it in his hand and he can tell you where it's been and what's happened to it. | ||
| What, does he smell it? | ||
| No. | ||
| He's got psychic smell. | ||
| It's been up your wrist! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh! | |
| It smells like shit. | ||
| Oh! | ||
| Dice the psychic? | ||
| Dice the psychic. | ||
| Oh, someone here lost a grandmother! | ||
| I can see you sucking my dick! | ||
| Oh! | ||
| Sexual sidekick! | ||
| Sexual sidekick! | ||
|
unidentified
|
I feel you rubbing my balls. | |
| Oh, you show what, Dice? | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| We did a show with him in Vegas. | ||
| I was doing the Naughty Show at the Hard Rock Casino in Vinyl, which is this gorgeous club. | ||
| And, man, that guy packs them in, dude. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Well, dude, me, Norton, Bobby Kelly, Anthony Cumia, Red Band, and Sam Roberts went to see him at the Riviera. | ||
| He was upstairs in the big room for... | ||
| Fucking killed. | ||
| It was hilarious. | ||
| Dude, Dice is a master. | ||
| It was really funny, man. | ||
| It was really enjoyable. | ||
| It was an enjoyable show. | ||
| It was a good time. | ||
| Watching him do his carols, doing the rhymes on a New Year's about eight years ago was one of my favorite moments of comedy. | ||
| Because I had grown up on that stuff. | ||
| Hickory dickory dock. | ||
| I grew up on that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And it crushed. | ||
| Yeah, he was a big part of my youth, too. | ||
| I remember listening to him in my car with this girl that I was dating, just giggling like a couple of retards. | ||
| I thought it was so funny. | ||
| And that was like the first cassette that he had. | ||
| Remember that first cassette? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He sold like a gazillion before social media and all that stuff. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| It was on social media. | ||
| Well, he was really unique in that people could repeat his stuff. | ||
| You know, Dice, like, you wanted to hear the same stuff over and over again. | ||
| Yeah, he's like a rock band. | ||
| Hickory, dickory, duck. | ||
| Like, people would just start chanting along with it. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Yeah, he was great. | ||
| People today can't understand. | ||
| Like, you can't wrap your head around how big he was. | ||
| He was so fucking big. | ||
| And there was this massive backlash from the so-called liberal media. | ||
| Again, people who wanted him to be like everybody else. | ||
| And they couldn't just accept. | ||
| And they couldn't accept also that this was a character. | ||
| Like, these are his real thoughts and his homophobia. | ||
| Which, you know, he did say a lot of really rude shit about gay people. | ||
| But it was a different time. | ||
| So, what was this? | ||
| Homophobia is okay back then? | ||
| No, well, it was just a different way of dealing with it. | ||
| You know, I mean, people learn. | ||
| You know, it's like when people get mad at the elderly people for saying racist stuff. | ||
| Yeah, it's not right, but it's a different time. | ||
| When your grandma asks you how your colored boyfriend is, you know, you don't throw grandma out the window. | ||
| It's just a different time. | ||
| It's not right. | ||
| Are you a Paul Dean apologist? | ||
| Well, hold on. | ||
| Paula Deen, listen, I don't think you should call anyone the N-word except for me in bed, and that's just a true story. | ||
| But listen, man, I'm sorry, but if I know the story right, if you're robbing me at gunpoint, Is that what the story was? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| She got robbed at gunpoint and said some mean shit? | ||
| No. | ||
| Okay, that's what I thought the story was. | ||
| If you rob me at gunpoint, I'm going to say some nasty shit. | ||
| I think there was, like, employees involved. | ||
| Just call it employees N-words. | ||
| That's not right. | ||
| That's not right. | ||
| Dude, I'm all love. | ||
| I love everybody, dude. | ||
| I love everybody. | ||
| We got that. | ||
| We got that from you, Sam. | ||
| That's what I've been feeling. | ||
| No, you don't. | ||
| You don't feel that. | ||
| I do. | ||
| I feel that. | ||
| You don't feel... | ||
| I love everybody, man. | ||
| I don't care. | ||
| But if you rob me a gunpoint, I'm going to say some nasty shit. | ||
| No one got robbed at gunpoint, dude. | ||
| No, that's what happened. | ||
| No, she didn't get robbed at gunpoint. | ||
| There's no gunpoint. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Let's see it. | ||
| What is wrong with you? | ||
| You have a phone. | ||
| Dean robbed a gunpoint. | ||
| Why would you... | ||
| They asked her, have you ever used the N-word? | ||
|
unidentified
|
She said, yes, of course. | |
| And they asked her when. | ||
| Oh, she was held up at gunpoint. | ||
| She said, when a black man burst into a bank that I was working with. | ||
| 1987 crime. | ||
| She linked the... | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| I'm the asshole. | ||
| But it was also about her employees were saying, so it wasn't like she stopped it there. | ||
| I agree with that. | ||
| I'm just saying that instant in which that's what got her in trouble. | ||
| Wait a minute. | ||
| Is this really it? | ||
| She passed in the 1980s. | ||
| She uttered the racial slur while telling her husband about being held up at gunpoint by a black... | ||
| That's it? | ||
| That's when she used it? | ||
| Yeah, I mean, I'm sorry, dude. | ||
| I'm sorry, dude, because I was saying that you didn't know what you're talking about. | ||
| It was actually me. | ||
| But I know for a fact that her employees accused her of doing it. | ||
| Hold on. | ||
| Accused her of racism. | ||
| It started because a former manager sued her, and that's where the deposition started. | ||
| Yeah, but how does that have anything to do with her getting robbed? | ||
| She asked her... | ||
| Okay, hold up. | ||
| She asked her employee to dress up like Aunt Jemima? | ||
| Alright, now it unfolds here. | ||
| Oh, God. | ||
| Yeah, this is different. | ||
| I guess apparently after the robbery by gunpoint, she held a grudge on the African-American community. | ||
| But it also could be like an employee trying to get paid. | ||
| It's fucking hard, man. | ||
| But didn't he get dismissed? | ||
| Listen, man. | ||
| Listen. | ||
| I love diversity. | ||
| That's a big reason I love Southern California. | ||
| Everybody's mixing with everybody. | ||
| I prefer it that way. | ||
| This guy who worked there said that Dean referred to her and other employees using a racial slur. | ||
| The Times doesn't specify which besides that there is a racially offensive term for black child. | ||
| Oh my goodness. | ||
| Do you know what that is? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Nigglet. | ||
| Aw, that's horrible. | ||
| She must have called them that. | ||
| Maybe I'm just making that up, though. | ||
| Did it get dismissed? | ||
| But come on, how fucked is it that you could write a story about this but don't want to say the actual word? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't want to say, but what it is is an offensive word for black children. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Say the fucking word. | ||
| Why are we pretending that if the word is so bad you can't say it, then it's magic. | ||
| Then it's Candyman. | ||
| Candyman, Candyman. | ||
| Let's know what's going on so we know exactly the degree of racism here. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hmm. | |
| I didn't realize that she was... | ||
| I thought she just, like, had used the word before. | ||
| I didn't realize that she had used it because she got robbed. | ||
| When you get robbed, you just fucking call people everything you can think of. | ||
| It's when you're dealing with a heckler. | ||
| If you're heckling me... | ||
| That's way worse than heckling. | ||
| You're dealing with a life-or-death situation. | ||
| Completely. | ||
| You're probably freaking out. | ||
| You're probably so... | ||
| Fucking high on adrenaline and fear. | ||
| What does it say? | ||
| It got dismissed. | ||
| Discrimination case officially closed. | ||
| Judge approved dismissal of the case. | ||
| So that's the guy. | ||
| Who knows, man? | ||
| You gotta look at things like that from a bunch of different angles. | ||
| One, if she is racist, that's kind of fucked up. | ||
| But two, she's famous and rich, and I'm sure people who work for her look at that as a target. | ||
| And there easily could have been something that she... | ||
| Paula Deen's robber comes to her defense? | ||
| Eugene Thomas King is the former bank robber who Paula Deen says she referred to using the N-word after he robbed her at gunpoint. | ||
| King was caught and sentenced to 25 years in prison after the Deen robbery and a separate robbery. | ||
| He lives in Brooklyn, New York now, and when we spoke to him, he actually broke down in tears. | ||
| He blames himself for Paula Deen's troubles. | ||
| I really feel for her, King said. | ||
| She's being persecuted because of that one little mistake in her judgment. | ||
| She was acting out of anger. | ||
| Wow, look at this guy. | ||
| He really came to grips with reality in court. | ||
| He had 13 prior convictions for robbery before he pointed his gun. | ||
| You need 14 before you can legally be called a nigger. | ||
| It's 14. I've seen it. | ||
| And he says that he's turned his life around. | ||
| Good for him. | ||
| Good for him. | ||
| And also good for him saying that, man. | ||
| That's some clarity that a lot of people are not capable of. | ||
| Sometimes people have to actually go through something really fucked up so they can see what they're really doing. | ||
| Yeah! | ||
| Good for that guy, man. | ||
| Well, I don't know if that's the only time she used that word. | ||
| Yeah, I'm with you. | ||
| I'm just saying that was the instance in which I heard in which I would tell you that if I'm robbed at gunpoint, I'm going to say some nasty shit. | ||
| It's in the heat of the moment, you know? | ||
| And even afterwards, two hours later, if I'm talking to my girl, I'm going to be like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. | ||
| Yeah, that's weird, though, man. | ||
| It's weird that she gets persecuted for that if it's in the 1980s. | ||
| I mean, that's 30 years ago. | ||
| 30 years ago, man! | ||
| At least 20, you know? | ||
| It's so low. | ||
| Really? | ||
| What is the exact year? | ||
| If it was 1990, it would be 23 years ago. | ||
| It wasn't today, she said. | ||
| So it's more than 23 years ago. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| You know, it's like that athletic director at Rutgers who's getting in a lot of trouble for saying stuff... | ||
| That she had said at a previous job decades before that. | ||
| And, you know, maybe what she says is rough, but I mean, people change, man. | ||
| People learn, you know, especially myself. | ||
| I mean, the things I've done in my life, and sometimes how I treated people, it wasn't right, you know? | ||
| And I've learned, and I make amends, and I move on. | ||
| And to be judged by something that happened, like, way long ago, I think that's a horrible way. | ||
| It is horrible, and it's also... | ||
| Taking out the possibility of someone improving as a human being and learning from mistakes. | ||
| Holding you accountable to something you did 20 years ago or even a fucking year ago, man. | ||
| Let's be honest about that. | ||
| You're not the person you were a year ago if you're constantly evolving and growing. | ||
| You might owe an apology for something you did a year ago, but saying that defines you. | ||
| And a year is kind of stretching it for a lot of people because a lot of people are the same person they were a year ago. | ||
| But six years ago, ten years ago, are you the same person? | ||
| I sure as fuck am not. | ||
| Completely different. | ||
| I'm a totally different human being than I was ten years ago. | ||
| If you're paying attention and you're working on yourself and you're constantly trying to think and look at the world objectively, you're going to grow. | ||
| You're going to learn from mistakes. | ||
| And if you're not making any mistakes, you're not taking any fucking chances. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's my whole theory I was talking about on stage about how everyone got mad at the NSA. And there was people like, I don't care. | ||
| I got nothing to hide. | ||
| It's like, who doesn't have anything to hide, man? | ||
| Like, are you not living any life? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That's not the point anyway. | ||
| The point is not the nothing. | ||
| That idea is so silly. | ||
| I got nothing to hide. | ||
| It doesn't matter. | ||
| You can't give people that kind of power. | ||
| Saying something like that is just, without a doubt, being ignorant about human behavior. | ||
| Because absolute power, this is the old quote, protection. | ||
| It corrupts absolutely. | ||
| It always has. | ||
| When you give someone the ability to look on your email, Snowden was saying that he could just read people's emails. | ||
| He could just target Sam Tripoli and just start reading your emails. | ||
| And he didn't even have a high school education. | ||
| You can't give people that power. | ||
| You can't give people the power to stalk. | ||
| You can't give people the power to peer in. | ||
| That's creeper shit. | ||
| And you don't have to do anything wrong. | ||
| I mean, we looked at... | ||
| I mean, there are... | ||
| Through history, we've seen people who are profiled by agencies. | ||
| You know, Frank Sinatra, Martin Luther King, who weren't necessarily doing anything wrong, but they were being monitored. | ||
| It's like you don't have to do something wrong to be monitored. | ||
| Well, that's the J. Edgar Hoover days. | ||
| And before that, of course, the McCarthyism. | ||
| But the McCarthy era is a classic example. | ||
| Of people being persecuted and people being singled out and people being spied upon and categorized, these dangerous and divisive groups. | ||
| That kind of behavior is unconstitutional for a reason. | ||
| Looking into people's lives is a violation of privacy and it's unconstitutional for a reason. | ||
| And we have to recognize that there has always been people that are looking to capitalize on the holes that we have in our system and they will create false flags And through those false flags, these events will cause them to clamp down more on security. | ||
| Which is so interesting, right? | ||
| It's ridiculous, but it's true. | ||
| They will create artificial problems so that they will have a solution. | ||
| Create a problem, propose a solution, get what you want. | ||
| What did you want? | ||
| We wanted to be able to control people. | ||
| We wanted a Norwellian society. | ||
| How do we go about doing it? | ||
| Well, we're going to have to have a threat. | ||
| And you're going to have to have this threat. | ||
| Let's call it terrorism. | ||
| Terrorism is a good threat because it's so undefined. | ||
| It's not like we conquer one nation. | ||
| And our terrorism problem is over. | ||
| It continues forever. | ||
| And for people who think that's some tinfoil hat conspiracy bullshit, you're really not paying attention. | ||
| Because it's happened. | ||
| It's happened over and over and over again. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, even if you talk about conspiracy theories with some people, they can't even begin to understand because they're looking at it through their point of view. | ||
| My whole thing is, like, if you ever watch the first 48, man, it's this great show. | ||
| It's sadly about murder and real murder investigations. | ||
| You see people killing other people for $20. | ||
| $20! | ||
| Now just imagine if there was a billion dollars on the line, a trillion dollars on the line. | ||
| Just because someone's in the suit, they're not standing on a corner, they're going to act different. | ||
| No, it's all primal, basic things. | ||
| Especially if they don't have to pull the trigger themselves. | ||
| Yeah, it's the desire to get as much resources as possible. | ||
| That's what it's all about. | ||
| I mean, it's basic human behavior. | ||
| And if you can get it through the guise of war, it's really easy to get things done. | ||
| You just hire a bunch of... | ||
| And now they have mercenaries. | ||
| I mean, during the Bush administration, they started using mercenaries for the first time in God knows how long, man. | ||
| Openly using, like, Blackwater and all these other companies going to do a bunch of shit. | ||
| I met those dudes in Afghanistan. | ||
| I know some of those dudes. | ||
| I have friends that went over there and did some work for them. | ||
| I have a friend who was a sniper in the Marines. | ||
| He made more money in doing that than he ever did doing anything. | ||
| He would go over there for a few months at a time. | ||
| Made like 30 grand a month. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Come back. | ||
| They make bank, man. | ||
| But it's like that guy in Chicago who went around and unfortunately killed all those people shooting. | ||
| You know what that was about? | ||
| That was them trying to take over territory. | ||
| They thought that area, that block or that blacktop was... | ||
| Another gang's territory, and they didn't care who they shot, they just wanted to shoot. | ||
| So, they don't care if they take out 13 people, they just want to gain a certain amount of power and resources. | ||
| Same thing, like, you know, if the government does something where a bunch of people die, whether it's 100, 200, 3,000, 5,000, whatever, it doesn't matter in the bigger picture of everything. | ||
| Yeah, and they also know that time will continue to roll on, more conflicts will arise, and people forget about it. | ||
| Constant state of war. | ||
| Yeah, people forget about so many different things that happened in the past. | ||
| They forget about different bombs that went off. | ||
| They're gonna forget about this mall in Africa after a while. | ||
| People are gonna forget about You know, the bomb that the Iraqis blew up on the U.S. warship. | ||
| There's so many different events in the course of a decade of war plus that we've been involved in that they can just tally them all up and push them all aside. | ||
| As long as there's some new thing in the news to think about, people will keep thinking. | ||
| Do you feel that this naval yard thing hit as hard as most of the... | ||
| I feel like it happened and everyone's like... | ||
| Another one. | ||
| Yeah, we're getting desensitized, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Did you see this video? | |
| What is this? | ||
| Of the guy? | ||
| It's not him shooting anyone. | ||
| Yeah, it's coming in with all the weapons and stuff. | ||
| Yeah, it's pretty chilly. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't want to see that. | |
| Yeah, I don't want to see it either. | ||
| But it's, yeah, this is more where we're used to it. | ||
| The Aurora, Colorado one, we now kind of forgot about it. | ||
| We're thinking about a new thing now. | ||
| People are going to keep thinking. | ||
| They're going to keep thinking about new things. | ||
| Keep sticking things in front of their face and they forget about something that happened a month ago. | ||
| Hey, can I ask you something? | ||
| I know in England the law enforcement doesn't carry guns, but I know Canada has very strict gun laws, right? | ||
| Does Canadian police carry? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Yeah, they have guns. | ||
| I always felt that that was a big issue with gun control in this country. | ||
| With England, it certainly is. | ||
| Yeah, England really is. | ||
| And there's arguments both ways. | ||
| The problem with guns is like that expression, you can't take pee out of the pool. | ||
| Once they're out there, they're out there. | ||
| And in England, they're not out there nearly as much as they are in America. | ||
| They don't have nearly as many gun violence... | ||
| We do. | ||
| And people have the right to protect themselves. | ||
| It's not like you're going to round up all the guns. | ||
| They're not going to let you. | ||
| This country is not going to let you round up all the guns. | ||
| We've got a sticky situation. | ||
| I think it's more of a mental health situation than it is anything. | ||
| I completely agree 100%. | ||
| This guy, the Aurora shooter, the Columbine kids, they're all medicated. | ||
| They're all fucked up. | ||
| They're on drugs. | ||
| Their heads are fucked up. | ||
| Their heads are fucked up maybe before they were on drugs. | ||
| Maybe you can't even blame the psychotropic drugs that they're on. | ||
| But the bottom line is they're all mentally ill. | ||
| That's the common denominator. | ||
| Mentally ill. | ||
| It's not guns. | ||
| There's a lot of sane people with guns that never shoot anybody. | ||
| If it wasn't guns, they'd find another thing. | ||
| I just wonder if people will eventually evolve to the point where we stop shooting each other with guns. | ||
| Stop murdering each other. | ||
| Is that possible? | ||
| Is that a... | ||
| There's a lot less murder than there was like in the fucking 1200s back during the Mongol days and shit like that, but it's still... | ||
| Yeah, it's a little more civilized. | ||
| I always think it has so much to do with people shooting guns, because in the movies, what you'll see is somebody will shoot somebody, and then they'll walk away, and then they'll be able to go shoot somebody else. | ||
| There isn't an instant law enforcement situation that comes and hunts them down. | ||
| They're like... | ||
| One movie with Steven Seagal, I think it was Above the Law, where that one guy goes on this crime spree for like a whole day, and he's just killing everybody. | ||
| At no point do you see law enforcement anywhere. | ||
| You know, he just moves on to the next crime, moves on to the next crime. | ||
| Like, I just feel, people feel like they could shoot somebody and just easily get away with it. | ||
| Um, what? | ||
| Yeah, well that was my just tirade. | ||
| What are you talking about? | ||
| You equated above the law with a real life situation? | ||
| Well, I just feel that there's some people... | ||
| You made a Steven Seagal movie, like an important point? | ||
| Well, my point, I just use it as an example, meaning that I feel that a lot of people who go off in Chicago, they start shooting people. | ||
| I think when you watch television or even movies, there's always someone who could shoot somebody and he just walks off and his life goes on. | ||
| He's never worried about the cops. | ||
| That happens in a lot of places where the cops aren't there. | ||
| But that's why I think it happens as much, is that people don't think there's any ramifications for shooting somebody. | ||
| As much as there really is. | ||
| Do you know what I'm saying? | ||
| No. | ||
| Okay, maybe I just went off on a... | ||
| This is some weird thing I was looking at in my head. | ||
| That's the caffeine talking to you, son. | ||
| I don't know what you're talking about. | ||
| People know that if you get caught shooting people, you go to jail. | ||
| Yeah, but I think people think they're going to get away with it. | ||
| That's why. | ||
| Really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Who? | |
| I think that's a lot of these people who shoot guns. | ||
| They think they're going to get away with it. | ||
| You mean like mass shootings? | ||
| All of them. | ||
| I don't think they think they're going to get away with it. | ||
| I think they're on a suicide run. | ||
| Well, maybe that guy's on a suicide run, but these people go around, they just walk up and they shoot their drug dealer. | ||
| They think they're going to get away with it. | ||
| How do you know what they think? | ||
|
unidentified
|
This is my opinion. | |
| I'm staying in opinion for the purpose of discussion. | ||
| We're going to bring this home because we only have a couple minutes left. | ||
| Oh, it's almost over! | ||
| It was good to be back. | ||
| I've never been in the studio. | ||
| Good to have you back on the show again. | ||
| Anytime. | ||
| We'll be back next week, my lovely friends. | ||
| We have lots of fun guests coming up. | ||
| I've got a gang of people coming up. | ||
| Over the next few weeks, some really interesting guests for the month of October, too. | ||
| We got Greg Proops is coming back. | ||
| Rocktober! | ||
| Yeah, a bunch of people. | ||
| Lots of... | ||
| Lots of fun guests. | ||
| And of course our friends. | ||
| We don't know what we're going to do for the 400th episode. | ||
| This is what? | ||
| 97? | ||
| 398? | ||
| This is 398. So 399 is the next one. | ||
| So maybe next week we'll hit 400. I don't know what we're going to do. | ||
| Probably get on Joey Diaz and Duncan and have some fun. | ||
| And that's it, my friends. | ||
| We'll see you this weekend, Sam Tripoli and I. And you can ask Sam to elaborate on his Steven Seagal slash shoot someone and get away with it theory. | ||
| I will! | ||
| Thanks for Lumosity for sponsoring us. | ||
| Go to lumosity.com. | ||
| Tell them Joe Rogan sent you. | ||
| Don't use the comma, bitch. | ||
| Don't use Joe Rogan, bitch. | ||
| Or, bitch, Joe Rogan. | ||
| Don't use that. | ||
| Just Joe Rogan. | ||
| Do whatever you fucking want to do. | ||
| Don't listen to me. | ||
| It's America. | ||
| It's America. | ||
| Thanks to audible.com. | ||
| Go to audible.com forward slash Joe. | ||
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| Thanks also to Onnit.com. | ||
| Go to O-N-N-I-T. Use the code name ROGAN and save 10% off any and all supplements. | ||
| Thank you, everybody, for all the love online, all the people that come to the shows, the love on Twitter, and all the cool articles that you guys sent me. | ||
| We're all in this shit together. | ||
| The Freak Party rolls on for 2013. That's the new party. | ||
| I'm in. | ||
| I'm not represented by Democrats, Republicans, or the Libertarians. | ||
| You can't handle money. | ||
| You don't know what the fuck you're doing. | ||
| Okay, what can I be in charge of? | ||
| The Freak Party, 2013, 14 and beyond. | ||
| Alright, fuckers. | ||
| See you next week. |
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