March 13, 2013 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:59:51
Participants
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
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unidentified
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Meow. | |
| Hello, freaks. | ||
| Are we on? | ||
| I don't see you. | ||
| It doesn't show to me. | ||
| Silly Ustream. | ||
|
unidentified
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What the fuck is going on, ladies and gentlemen? | |
| Yeah! | ||
| Today's podcast is brought to you by Onnit.com. | ||
| That's O-N-N-I-T. We just started getting these new things in that are not weapons, okay? | ||
| And Brian keeps accusing them of being weapons just because they're clubs and maces. | ||
| Just because it would really help you if the apocalypse went down and we went back to sword fighting, okay? | ||
| You would want to use one of these steel maces that we're carrying around these days. | ||
| We're selling these club bells and steel maces and of course kettlebells. | ||
| What all these things are is functional strength equipment. | ||
| And there's two things that are super important to know when you're doing any kind of weightlifting. | ||
| One is the correct form. | ||
| I can't stress this enough. | ||
| If you can afford it, hire a trainer. | ||
| You only have to do it like once. | ||
| Pay attention. | ||
| Write shit down. | ||
| And tell them to give you three or four simple exercises. | ||
| Clean press. | ||
| Real simple things to know about where to place your weight and how to keep your posture. | ||
| Know those, study those, and live by those. | ||
| It's one of the most important things about strength training. | ||
| Don't be an idiot. | ||
| Use proper discipline and use proper form because if you don't, you're going to get hurt. | ||
| That's number one. | ||
| And number two, if you want to get in serious shape, there's no better exercises than exercises that use your whole body. | ||
| Those are the kind of exercises that when you take it and you can translate it almost immediately to any sort of athletic activity. | ||
| Whereas muscle-specific exercises like bench press or curls along those lines, they make your arms bigger. | ||
| They make you a little stronger, but it's not the same as working your whole body as one group. | ||
| That's what kettlebells are all about. | ||
| That's what these steel maces are all about. | ||
| We have medicine balls. | ||
| Those kind of activities are activities that translate into everyday life and to sports. | ||
| So that's the kind of shit we sell. | ||
| Along with the best protein powder you can buy, hemp force protein powder, different supplements, brain supplements, endurance supplements, immune system supplements. | ||
| All literally the best shit we can get our hands on. | ||
| We sell it to killer bee honey. | ||
| We don't give a fuck. | ||
| We're selling killer bee honey. | ||
| We're jacking killer bees, taking their honey, and then selling it. | ||
| And if you go to Onnit.com and use the code name ROGAN, you save yourself 10% off any and all supplements. | ||
| This Thursday night in San Diego, California. | ||
| That's tomorrow. | ||
| Yeah, right? | ||
| Tomorrow. | ||
| Tomorrow night, Brian is going to be at the American Comedy Company with a bunch of really funny guys that are friends of ours, like Tony Hinchcliffe, who's fucking hilarious. | ||
| Really one of my favorite young guys coming up. | ||
| Jason Tebow, an awesome dude. | ||
| A very, very funny comic, too. | ||
| Billy Balnell, another very funny comic, and Yoshi. | ||
| So you guys have a hell of a show, and it's one of the coolest clubs in Southern California, that American Comedy Company. | ||
| It's a sweet little spot down in San Diego. | ||
| All right, if you listen to this and you're in L.A., we've got a show tonight at the Pasadena Ice House. | ||
| It's Ari Shafir, Ian Edwards, and me, and it's going to be at 10 o'clock. | ||
| So that's... | ||
| It's only a few hours for now, alright you fucks? | ||
| Shane Smith's here, and we're fixing to get busy. | ||
| We're gonna get jiggy with it. | ||
| We're gonna throw it up. | ||
| We're gonna put it down. | ||
| I would just like to say whatever powders... | ||
| What is this? | ||
| It starts already. | ||
| Play the music. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The Joe Rogan Experience. | |
| Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day. | ||
| Shane Smith, ladies and gentlemen, the powerful Shane Smith of Vice.com, one of my favorite human beings from the face of the earth. | ||
| And you are here, sir. | ||
| It is a pleasure. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| I was just going to say, whatever powders and supplements you're selling, I'm buying because you're fucking jacked. | ||
| Holy shit, dude. | ||
| Looking very sexy, right? | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| I've got to get some fucking kettlebells. | ||
| Get some, son. | ||
| I was telling you, I haven't done jujitsu in several months because of my back. | ||
| I've never felt better. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| Taking time off jujitsu just does the body great. | ||
| It's so brutal. | ||
| It breaks you down. | ||
| Everybody who does it is always walking around like, ah, something. | ||
| Elbow, your knee's fucked up, your ankle jacked, your should have tapped, your wrist is fucked up. | ||
| Everywhere you go. | ||
| It's so much fun to do it. | ||
| People, like, sort of sacrifice parts of their body up to a certain point. | ||
| The spine is a real issue, though. | ||
| That's a scary one. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know, back issues. | ||
| How's your spine? | ||
| It's fine. | ||
| It's just a minor bulge, and it's getting better through doing this disc decompression therapy where they hook you up to a machine, and it's like this slow pulling and pushing where it slowly, like, separates your spine. | ||
| Right now it's only, like, 19 pounds, which sounds like a lot, but it doesn't feel like anything. | ||
| Backtalk is so hot right now. | ||
|
unidentified
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It's hot. | |
| Doing a lot of backtalk lately. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't know why, man. | ||
| It's on my mind. | ||
| No, I fucked up my back, but supposedly the bottom left is fucking killing me. | ||
| It's either my intestines or there's something wrong with my back. | ||
| You got AIDS, son. | ||
| Yeah, it might be AIDS. That's where AIDS starts. | ||
| It starts right there. | ||
| Fuck you, RubMaps. | ||
| You know, Boss Rootin scared the shit out of me the other day. | ||
| That scared the shit out of me. | ||
| His arms scared the shit out of me. | ||
| Boss has had two neck surgeries, and he's not getting signals to his right arm. | ||
| So his right arm is shriveled up, and they just recently fused three of the discs in his neck. | ||
| So this is a second surgery he's had on his neck, and then the other day his arm failed on him, so there's another blockage, so they have to go in and figure out where the nerves are blocked. | ||
| That's scary shit. | ||
| He couldn't pick up a gallon of milk, that's how bad it was. | ||
| I have a friend of mine who, I have a place in Costa Rica, a little surf shack, and he went over on a wave and broke his neck in the water. | ||
| And about three years ago, I, in the exact same place, went over, came up, rubbed my face off on the bottom, and my neck hurt. | ||
| I went in to get a CAT scan. | ||
| They're like, yeah, you have a hairline fracture. | ||
| You broke your neck three years ago. | ||
| And I've just been walking around going, yeah, my neck's a bit stiff. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Dude, how badass are you? | ||
| No, it's actually fucking stupid. | ||
| Yeah, it's fucking stupid. | ||
| I was sitting there for like four months going, yeah, I can't really move it, but you know. | ||
| Whatever. | ||
| I'm not a pussy. | ||
| Just walking around with a broken neck. | ||
| Well, the other thing is I would use your fucking kettlebells, but I have a huge journey. | ||
| Oh, do you really? | ||
| This could just be talking about all of our... | ||
| I have a helmet-headed flesh-eating parasite in my colon. | ||
| What? | ||
|
unidentified
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What? | |
| From where? | ||
| Well, I was supposed to get my hernia. | ||
| You're like, yeah. | ||
| No, I was supposed to get my hernia fixed, right? | ||
| And so I was scheduled for surgery to get my hernia fixed. | ||
| And then I went to a tropical disease doctor and they're like, no, no, no, no, no. | ||
| If they push on that hernia, you've got a fucker living in your bowels. | ||
| And if you push it onto it, it'll perforate your bowels and you could die because this fucker's wedged in there eating your flesh. | ||
| Whoa! | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Whoa! | ||
| There's something alive inside of you? | ||
| Well, not anymore. | ||
| I took lots of pills. | ||
| But it's like alien. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How big was it? | ||
| I'm going to be honest. | ||
| I didn't look at my shit for three weeks because I was like, I didn't want to see the fucker come out. | ||
| What? | ||
| Why wouldn't you want to know what that looks like? | ||
| You've been all over the world. | ||
| You've been to Karachi. | ||
|
unidentified
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You've been to the Congo. | |
| You say that, but these things would make me not want to fucking go anywhere else ever again. | ||
| There's not a fucking army of humans that can keep me from looking at that shit. | ||
| I would have to know what that fucking thing growing in my body looks like. | ||
| You would not go anywhere else. | ||
| Man, that's so scary. | ||
| That's one of those things about that show. | ||
| What is that show? | ||
| The Hidden Enemy or something like that where people get parasites. | ||
| Oh, man. | ||
| I forget the name of it. | ||
| I wouldn't want to see it either because you can't unsee that. | ||
|
unidentified
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That shit will be in your veins. | |
| You don't want to unsee it. | ||
| I don't want to unsee it, man. | ||
| Also, every time you go to anywhere and have a glass of water or eat anything, you're just thinking, fuck, I just got another one of those fuckers in my colon. | ||
| Oh my god! | ||
| Can you test for this? | ||
|
unidentified
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I feel like I've had a million of these. | |
| You should go. | ||
|
unidentified
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No, because I had bad sushi once and for like two months my stomach was fucked up and I had to poop in all these things. | |
| You should go because you get a Roto-Rooter go up there and usually there's some amoebas or there's some shit going on there. | ||
| This one's an extra special. | ||
| Are you allowed to beat off while they're doing this? | ||
| As if you were just listening. | ||
| Well, the doctor is about 90 years old. | ||
| Maybe they won't even notice. | ||
| Have you been to Redmaps? | ||
| They might have this on there. | ||
| It was apparently quite a special parasite. | ||
| So I didn't want to see it. | ||
| Large? | ||
| Large and they look bad. | ||
| They look like an alien inside. | ||
|
unidentified
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Oh! | |
| Like the alien, the alien, right? | ||
| Like the fucking H.G. Geiger? | ||
| H.R. Geiger? | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Dude! | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| Well, you know you're getting old when you're like, I can't get my hernia operated on because the fucking parasites are too big. | ||
| No, no. | ||
| That's not you know you're getting old. | ||
| You know you've eaten food cooked on the side of the road in the strangest parts of the world. | ||
| It's actually kind of amazing that you're as healthy as you are when you consider all the different nutty places that you've gone. | ||
| You're fucking healthy as shit. | ||
| I'm fairly healthy. | ||
| Let's not blow each other. | ||
| The idea of eating food at all these different places, did it ever bother you before you had this parasite? | ||
| You know, stupidly, I eat street meat, I eat fucking, you know. | ||
| Well, if they're doing it, you'll do it, right? | ||
| They're kebabs in Afghanistan, they're delicious, you know. | ||
| And what are they? | ||
| Who knows, right? | ||
| Well, who knows what's in it? | ||
| I remember somebody said to me, the first time I went to Afghanistan, they're like, whatever you do, don't drink the green tea, because they give you green tea everywhere you go. | ||
| But the problem is, if you refuse the green tea, it's sort of like an affront. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Why would you not drink the green tea? | ||
| Because the water. | ||
| The water is very bad. | ||
| And maybe they didn't boil it. | ||
| Oh! | ||
| And so it's very, very bad for you. | ||
| But if you say no, it's like saying fuck you. | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| You gotta teach those savages about boiling water. | ||
| So listen, listen, listen. | ||
| Be friends here. | ||
| We can be friends here. | ||
| Who knows what it is. | ||
| But I need to see how you motherfuckers make your tea. | ||
| Basically. | ||
| It's the same thing like when I was in Sudan. | ||
| They give you these drinks, like pomegranate juice. | ||
| But they've just added water to it. | ||
| It's really bad to say no. | ||
| And you're just like, I can't say yes to anything. | ||
| And then explosive diarrhea? | ||
| Is that what it is? | ||
| Or is it worse? | ||
| The tweets that I get the most response are like Shane's Law, which is the more you need a toilet, the ratio is directly proportionate to how bad that toilet will be. | ||
| So for example, when you have explosive diarrhea, In West Africa, guess what? | ||
| That toilet is just arcing ropes of shit and piss and fucking blood everywhere. | ||
| Whereas in Sweden, when you're having one lovely, beautiful log and then one white wonder, you have perfect, beautiful, clean toilets that smell of jasmine. | ||
| And so it's literally like Murphy's Law, Shane's Law. | ||
| How bad you need to take a shit is directly proportionate to how bad that toilet's going to be. | ||
| Oh yeah, those truck stop toilets. | ||
| Those ones you go in. | ||
| Truck stop toilets in West Africa. | ||
| Oh, what it must be like. | ||
| Just holes in the ground, right? | ||
| Well, actually, they're so bad, you can't actually get... | ||
| I personally can't even get into the room, so I'll go outside into the bushes. | ||
| Oh, Jesus Christ. | ||
| People are so fucking gross. | ||
| At our lowest level, we're so disgusting. | ||
| When you're at a concert, you go to a porter potty, and there's this giant line of people shitting into a bucket of blue water. | ||
| Shitting, pissing, fucking... | ||
| And just a bucket of blue water. | ||
| We're all pretending it's okay. | ||
| And as we walk up, we're dry heaving. | ||
| You would have figured with all of our technology, we could have figured out something better. | ||
| The only guys who really got it sussed are the Japanese because they have music and fragrances and sprays and heated rings. | ||
| And they're really into their sort of pleasure shitting. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| They truly are. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| But the people that have to shit into a hole in the ground. | ||
| Well, a hole in the ground would be better than a toilet that's just fucking overflowing. | ||
| Yeah, it's true. | ||
| Shit that's been baking in the sun. | ||
|
unidentified
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Having shy ones. | |
| As long as it's a nice deep hole. | ||
| But then you worry about losing your watch, you know, like some freak accident. | ||
| I don't know what you're doing down there. | ||
| You're watching. | ||
| Some freak wiping accident. | ||
| You hit a root near the hole. | ||
|
unidentified
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Or it's one of those sinkholes. | |
| Because you think it's so wet all the time. | ||
| That's a very good point. | ||
| Very good point. | ||
| That fucking sinkhole thing in Florida freaked me out. | ||
| That scared the shit out of me. | ||
| That's a terrifying thing. | ||
| Their fucking house just, a hole opened up underneath it. | ||
| And apparently it happens so often in Florida that you have to get insurance for it if you have homeowner's insurance. | ||
|
unidentified
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Wow. | |
| What? | ||
| That's a good horror movie. | ||
| That's a crazy place to live, man. | ||
| That is the craziest place to live. | ||
| There's a big slum in Mexico that was built on a dump. | ||
| And the reason why it was a dump was because magically, if you put your garbage there, it would disappear. | ||
| Oh no! | ||
| Because it was a swamp. | ||
| Oh no! | ||
| And so they kept just sort of dumping stuff and then as the garbage got higher they sort of started building houses on it. | ||
|
unidentified
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No! | |
| But now like 100,000 people live there. | ||
| It's like a city but it's built on garbage on the dump. | ||
| But the garbage was in a sinkhole. | ||
| So every once in a while, they won't just have one or two houses. | ||
| They'll have like ten houses just go... | ||
|
unidentified
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Oh, Jesus Christ, just fall through the earth. | |
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And it's weird how weird and uniform the holes look. | ||
| Have you seen? | ||
| Yeah, how it's seen. | ||
| Brian, pull up some of the photos because you can't believe it. | ||
| I think the big one was in Guatemala where it started swallowing up entire blocks. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It's insane. | ||
| It just doesn't look real. | ||
| It looks like a horror movie. | ||
| It's like all of a sudden where your house is is a cliff going down. | ||
| And everyone's walking around the edges looking down, not knowing when it's going to expand, if it's going to expand, if it's going to stay that way permanently. | ||
|
unidentified
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Look at that! | |
| Look at that! | ||
| Dude! | ||
| Come on! | ||
| That looks like a fucking meteor came from the moon and slammed into the earth. | ||
| We went to one of those in Libya where they actually have like cars or whatever, junk cars, and they throw it in because you can't hear it land. | ||
| It's so deep. | ||
| That you can't hear it land. | ||
| So it's like a thing. | ||
| It's like, oh, you're here? | ||
| Let's go throw something into the bottomless pit. | ||
| How could they stand near that thing? | ||
| How could they be sure that's stable now? | ||
| I went there. | ||
| We threw like some, I don't know, metal rods or whatever. | ||
| We listened. | ||
| And you literally can't hear it hit. | ||
| That's how deep it is. | ||
| My balls hurt with you just saying that. | ||
| My balls started hurting. | ||
| My ass started crumbling and I'm squeezing my toes. | ||
| What the fuck, man? | ||
| Why does that happen? | ||
| They don't know, right? | ||
| They're not entirely sure. | ||
| Is that the case? | ||
| There's a variety of factors. | ||
|
unidentified
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Aliens land in it, and then they call it a sinkhole. | |
| I think it's alluvial clay. | ||
| A lot of cities are built beside rivers, and those rivers used to be bigger. | ||
| And so there's this alluvial clay, which is unstable, and it just sinks down. | ||
| But it sinks down like 100, 200 feet sometimes. | ||
| What the fuck, man? | ||
| There's a big one there, yeah. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
|
unidentified
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At least you can see the bottom of that one. | |
| Yeah, it's scary. | ||
| But look, all those people standing over there. | ||
| What the fuck are they doing anywhere near that thing? | ||
| Who knows what's going to happen? | ||
| All around that could just fall apart. | ||
| You're a real morbid dude. | ||
| Well, just when it comes to the earth swallowing you, yeah. | ||
| You know, there's spots where that never happens. | ||
| I say go to those spots. | ||
| But you live in L.A., I mean. | ||
| What a little shake, a little rock and roll. | ||
| We'll be fine. | ||
| This shit never happens out here. | ||
| Oh, look at that city. | ||
| It's just a big hole in it. | ||
| Now that I said it never happens, you know it's coming. | ||
| That's a pretty... | ||
|
unidentified
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Oh, God. | |
| And people are going to blame me. | ||
| Wow, look at that hole. | ||
| Holy fuck. | ||
| Yeah, you know, single-floor dwelling, very important. | ||
| A good move if you can afford it. | ||
| I think that's really the safest thing. | ||
| And make sure your house is up to code. | ||
| I think you've got to build it into, like, a mountainside, like Dr. No. | ||
| It's very possible your shit's going to get fucked up. | ||
| It's really all about staying alive. | ||
| And you've got to think, really, realistically, you've got to think, if you live here, it's very possible that every couple decades or so, The fucking earth cracks the foundation of your house. | ||
| Plumbing is spraying water into the street and it powers out for a month. | ||
| You've got to be willing to accept that that's possible. | ||
| Are you a prepper? | ||
| No. | ||
| I'm prepared slightly. | ||
| I'm prepared for a few months of bullshit. | ||
| But I'm not stocking dried meat or anything nutty. | ||
| I just think that there's no way that with all the possibilities of natural disasters that we really don't take into consideration because the extent of our history, of what we really know about what's taking place on the earth, and the amount of devastation that can occur over an enormous period of time, | ||
| billions and billions of years, where all these unique events, which have been documented throughout history, where They're just starting to understand what caused certain geographic features and what kind of cataclysmic effect that must have had. | ||
| There's meteorites blowing up over Russia right now, and we missed two after that. | ||
| I would say I'm not a prepper, but I will say this. | ||
| You know, in northern Canada, they have these millions and millions of lakes with fresh waters, nobody on them, nobody can get to them, all these things. | ||
| And you're like, if you have a few bucks stashed away, and you can build a cottage on one of these fuckers with pure water, you'd be stupid not to because if shit goes down, And you've got this lake and this thing and it's hard to get to and all this stuff, then you can get the fuck up there. | ||
| It's like hedging your bets. | ||
| You're just hedging your bets. | ||
| And the only problem with it is, if shit does go down, how the fuck you get up there. | ||
| Yeah, that's the issue. | ||
| Well, I think you should have a little bit of food at your house and you should also try growing your food if you can. | ||
| Even if you have a small patch in your backyard, you'd be amazed what you could do with, like, pots. | ||
| You know, we started growing our stuff in pots, you know, just like large pots. | ||
| And you can grow, like, big vegetable plants. | ||
| You can get a lot of vegetables just from your garden. | ||
| Well, we were just... | ||
| We were doing this story on the world is sinking. | ||
| You know, we went to the Maldives, we went to Venice, we went to Greenland, and then we were in New York City, and I actually interviewed the deputy mayor, and I said, you know, Sandy hit, and it was bad, but, you know... | ||
| It was pretty fucking bad. | ||
| I was outside of my house, waist high in water. | ||
| Well, you had a video of you standing outside. | ||
| Me, waist high in water. | ||
| Was it by the Hudson? | ||
| Yeah, right by my house. | ||
| Dead rats are just floating by. | ||
| Hundreds of rats are shooting by. | ||
| But in a current... | ||
| Can you pull that video up? | ||
| Because the image is insane. | ||
| What should I search for? | ||
|
unidentified
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Rats. | |
| What is the video? | ||
| What was the name of it? | ||
| Well, that's for the HBO show, so we haven't released it yet. | ||
| But you showed it to me. | ||
| Yeah, I showed it to you. | ||
| Yeah, you son of a bitch. | ||
| We can't put it online? | ||
| We can't show the people? | ||
| What about the people, the good people out there? | ||
| The folks that are not privileged? | ||
| But yeah, the Hudson went to West Broadway, and I was sitting there doing a stand-up, and all these rats are going by and whatever. | ||
| But the thing that's interesting about New York was... | ||
| That it fucked shit up pretty bad. | ||
| But the fact is, there was no gas. | ||
| You couldn't get gas. | ||
| It was like lineups to get gas. | ||
| The whole city was sort of shut down gas-wise. | ||
| People were trying to get out. | ||
| And then you realize, we're like one centimeter away from everything fucking collapsing. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Because you're like, oh, sir, I got my fucking bolt hole up in Canada on the lake that's stocked with shotguns and dried meat and fucking peas and seeds. | ||
| And then you're like, how the fuck am I going to get there when there's no goddamn gas? | ||
| And by the way, you can't get out the bridges and you can't get out the tunnels. | ||
| The tunnels are fucking flooded. | ||
| And at that point, you're sort of saying, well, I don't know what you're prepping for, but if something bad, like really cataclysmic happens, we're fucked. | ||
| So in the meantime, have some fun. | ||
| Yeah, have some fun is good. | ||
| Be nice. | ||
| That's good, too. | ||
| So that when the shit hits the fan, people want to show you where their basement is with their canned tomatoes. | ||
| You know? | ||
| You could develop a real sense of community. | ||
| It would actually be kind of something refreshing if you could actually ensure that you weren't going to get attacked by roving hordes of outlaws that had given up on society and started robbing people. | ||
| But if we could... | ||
| You know, if we had something to, not necessarily something that kills a bunch of people, but something that gets everybody scared enough to bond together. | ||
| We're really getting dark. | ||
| No, it's not even getting dark, man! | ||
| We're like, we went from zero to 60 here. | ||
| Brother, I don't even think it's getting dark. | ||
| I really don't. | ||
| Brother, let me tell you. | ||
| I don't think it's getting dark. | ||
| But that's how it used to be. | ||
| It used to be communities banded together to defend themselves from everybody else who's trying to fuck them up. | ||
| That's the history of mankind. | ||
| That's why we're fighting all the time. | ||
| There's only a certain amount of carrots, and they're trying to get your carrots, and you've got to defend your carrots so your kids can eat. | ||
| So it was a continual warfare, and it was the community all supporting each other. | ||
| That's also why we have this tremendous desire to be around each other, this tremendous desire for community, for fellowship. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| It's a part of our DNA. That's why one of the worst things a person can be punished with is solitary confinement. | ||
| That's exactly right. | ||
| Drives them nuts. | ||
| It literally drives them nuts. | ||
| It literally drives them nuts. | ||
| I said it just like you, because you're Canadian, and I wanted to be proper. | ||
| There's a horrific thing that happens to the mind when it's tortured without human contact. | ||
| You long for it. | ||
| Because we really are not individuals. | ||
| We're fibbers. | ||
| We pretend that we're rugged individuals so that we push forward an ego and a legacy and conquer and all that nonsense. | ||
| But at the end of the day, you must be around other people. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| The worst... | ||
| I'm sorry. | ||
| There you go. | ||
| No, please. | ||
| You know, I said it already. | ||
| I'm verbose. | ||
| Well, my thing is, you know, we're a learned species. | ||
| We learn most things, but we are hardwired for three basic things, which is survive, which is why people commit suicide, they figure are crazy, because you're going against your hardwiring. | ||
| So it's survive, procreate, right? | ||
| So we're hardwired to procreate, and then protect the progeny. | ||
| So at the end, you sit there and say, okay, if you're talking about protect the progeny, history makes sense. | ||
| Because that means, if you're in these villages, everyone's sort of intermingled. | ||
| You know, like your cousin and me, and we're, and everybody, all the kids are there, and they're all playing. | ||
| So then you would fight to the death to protect the progeny, because that's hardwired into our spinal fucking column. - Right. - So that's why we have this innate desire to form these communities and to protect these communities. | ||
| - Yeah. - And that's been the history of humankind, and it's only when sort of the nation state came and sort of had these supranational entities guaranteed security theoretically that politics in the modern form started. | ||
| But before that, it was just about, we're gonna protect our village. | ||
| Yeah, I think if we could figure out how to truly recognize that all people that can speak English and that can follow a certain ethic, just to be cool to people and just be friendly and be nice to people, just that attitude alone, | ||
| if that is possible to change, if it's possible to heal people psychologically enough to where they don't lash out at others, like for whatever reason, for their own mistakes, for their own I mean, I think we're literally that close to it. | ||
| The number one thing that was missing throughout all of human history was the ability for all of us, all of us to have a say, all of us to be able to express ourselves, all of us to connect, all of us to figure out how to get information with no boundaries as far as countries and time-limp zones and internet connections. | ||
| It's so free now. | ||
| That I feel like there's never been a time like this before where people might have a chance of taking a step back. | ||
| It's just overcoming the amount of momentum that's behind it as far as tradition and government and rules and regulations and how we've always done things. | ||
| But if we could just relax, if everybody could just relax and understand that there's no secrets anymore as far as Where the oil comes from or where the money goes. | ||
| Everybody can prosper. | ||
| There can be a way where instead of being insanely overbalanced, where the money is going to these foreign banks and all this crazy shit, You guys would be happier too, you super rich guys, if you had less money but no evil karma to go with it. | ||
| I'm not you, I'm talking about banker type characters. | ||
| If you're a banker and you're one of those evil cunts that has a house in the Hamptons and you have these people that are around you all the time and you've made a billion dollars by finagling your way through Wall Street and you're just this maniacal Gordon Gekko type character, you failed. | ||
| You got into a crazy game, and you sort of decided that the numbers were more important than people. | ||
| And somehow, somewhere along the line, you figured out a way to manipulate it to the point where you're like... | ||
| What was his name? | ||
| The dude, Bernie Madoff? | ||
| Bernie Madoff? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Well, you're Bernie Madoff. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sure. | |
| Where you don't give a fuck. | ||
| You're just stealing money from the system. | ||
| Well, I... Pulling it out. | ||
| I definitely agree with you that, look, it's all within our own... | ||
| I think somewhere along the line, we forgot that it's in our power to do shit. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| It's up to us to do shit. | ||
| And I think that humans generally are capable of incredibly... | ||
| I mean, you see heroes every day and incredibly sort of heroic feats and communities sticking together and humanity sticking together and all this stuff. | ||
| We're also, sadly... | ||
| can fucking possibly imagine. | ||
| And the problem that I have with what we're doing at Vice now with our news and what we're doing with the HBO show is, you know, we're going out into the world and we're seeing all this shit and you're like, holy fuck, we're fucking, we can do some really, really bad shit. | ||
| And I think that as people do bad shit, it collectively brings humanity down. | ||
| When you're using children 6, 7, 8 years old to be suicide bombers or assassins, that's collectively bringing humanity down. | ||
| And I believe what we have to do is we have to stomp that up. | ||
| We cannot let that fucking go on. | ||
| Because of modern day politics, what happens is these kinds of heinous crimes are being perpetrated all the time now. | ||
| And it's detrimental to humanity as a whole. | ||
| Unquestionably. | ||
| I think no one can argue that. | ||
| The real question is how to go about doing it. | ||
| And is the threat of that, is it... | ||
| Is it cultivated? | ||
| You can't do it militarily. | ||
| That's the problem, because it's like apocalypse now, right? | ||
| And they're like, you know, we went in and inoculated, this is fiction, by the way, but we went in and inoculated the arms, and then the, you know, the Viet Cong came in and cut the arms off, and they're like, you know, Kurtz, when he's going crazy, is saying, you know, how are we going to win against that? | ||
| These are the kinds of things that we are capable of. | ||
| These are the kinds of things that are happening today. | ||
| That's fiction? | ||
| Well, I mean, it's fiction within the movie, but the reason why I brought it up is when I was interviewing the Taliban and they were telling me about that they were going to continue to use child suicide bombers, all I could think of was this quote from the movie of, if they're going to cut off the arms of their own children because they were inoculized by the Americans, then how can we win against that? | ||
| And I was thinking, if they're going to send their own kids to be suicide bombers, then how are we going to win against that? | ||
| You definitely can't do it militarily because then it's just one-upmanship. | ||
| Who can be worse? | ||
| Who can fuck the other guy up the most? | ||
| And you know about this in any kind of street fight. | ||
| Okay, well, you're beating me with fists and I'll use a bottle. | ||
| Or you're using a bottle, I'll use a knife. | ||
| Or you're using a knife, I'll use a gun. | ||
| Well, that's why I always tell people, like, avoid conflict at all costs, always, because first of all, I don't want to be mad at anybody. | ||
| Somebody's going to be crazier than you, too. | ||
| Yes, and well, not only that, nobody likes it when you kick their ass. | ||
| It's not like they forget that. | ||
| No, they make you their sworn enemy, and they want to come back and get you. | ||
| And a lot of times, those situations where you make an enemy for life could have been avoided if you went out of your way to be, whatever, more apologetic, friendly, or nicer, understand his point of view, and then he probably would concede a little bit too, and then maybe you could get a drink, and then maybe you could be friends. | ||
| I mean, there's a lot of moments like that in life where it could go one way when you get in a fistfight with someone that was totally avoidable, but... | ||
| Maybe you were in a shit mood because your girlfriend just dumped you or maybe he said something that he wished he didn't say but he's fucking 22 and you say stupid shit and you don't even really mean it. | ||
| You don't even know what the fuck you're doing. | ||
| You're just making noise with your mouth and practicing being a person. | ||
| And next thing you know, you've got an enemy for life. | ||
| Yeah, the other thing is, you know, it's a game where psychopaths win. | ||
| And it pays to be a psychopath in those situations. | ||
| Well, because, you know, you see guys who are going out there and, you know, you're going to have a fistfight in the back alley. | ||
| And then, you know, I was in a place one time where there was a fistfight and a guy sucked out a guy's eyeball and then just tore it out with his teeth. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Because he's a psychopath. | ||
| And you sit there and go, well, there's always going to be somebody willing to take it to the next level. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You saw that? | ||
| It was in the place where I was. | ||
| I saw the aftermath of it. | ||
| Actually, it's a famous, what they call firms in the UK, football hooligans. | ||
| It was a hooligan move where they pound you and they suck your eyeball. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| It's a move that they use. | ||
| In a football match. | ||
| In the fighting of the firm. | ||
| So like if you're Manchester United versus Manchester City and they hate each other, they have these fights. | ||
| Jesus fucking Christ. | ||
| How nutty are we, man, that people in England can't even get along with people in England? | ||
| Well, that's the whole thing. | ||
| That goes back to the village mentality too, which is I'm from this village, I hate the other guy from that village. | ||
| There's some tough motherfuckers from the UK, man. | ||
| There's some tough motherfuckers anywhere. | ||
| Yeah, there's all over the world. | ||
| But there's like a certain, like, there's a London toughness. | ||
| You know, there's a whole UK toughness. | ||
| Well, it depends where you come from. | ||
| I always say the tougher... | ||
| Actually, the poorer the neighborhood, the tougher the fighter. | ||
| Often. | ||
| Because they're fighting for fucking survival. | ||
| Do you remember Barry McGuigan? | ||
| I remember fucking Roberto Durant. | ||
| Fuck yeah. | ||
| Roberto Durant, because he wasn't as good. | ||
| He wasn't as Sugar Ray Leonard. | ||
| He was not as good of a fighter. | ||
| He was not as fast. | ||
| He didn't have the time. | ||
| But he had the heart, and he wanted to win, and he beat him. | ||
| And it went back and forth, obviously. | ||
| Well, he fucked up in the second fight. | ||
| He went from the first fight. | ||
| That Duran was an animal. | ||
| That was a street animal. | ||
| And his boxing was underrated. | ||
| He just had a very unconventional style. | ||
| He would paw with the left. | ||
| He didn't have a stiff left jab the way Leonard did. | ||
| Leonard would stick you. | ||
| Duran would paw with the jab to more of a range finder, but he was very clever, man. | ||
| By then he had already fought Ken Buchanan. | ||
| You ever watch that fight? | ||
| He was the original Andrew Gulotta. | ||
| He fucked up Ken Buchanan with low blows. | ||
| He blasted him right in the dick. | ||
| Duran was an animal, man. | ||
| He was an animal. | ||
| There was a story where they had went to Panama once to interview him about something. | ||
| It was for Sports Illustrated or some shit. | ||
| And while these people were talking to him, he picked up a cat by the tail and threw it against a wall and smashed its head. | ||
| And they were like, whoa. | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| That's very mean. | ||
| Like, he was just so... | ||
| He was savage. | ||
| I mean, he literally was a wild man. | ||
| I mean, he became eventually like a brilliant boxer as he developed as a man and after he went through the no-ma situation, you know? | ||
| For people who don't know, you don't follow boxing. | ||
| He quit in the second fight. | ||
| He beat Leonard in a really tough fight in the first fight. | ||
| Very close fight. | ||
| Really wild, amazing fight. | ||
| Even to this day, the standard of that fight is very, very high. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Like, you could picture the Duran of that era fighting, like, Floyd Mayweather and having an amazing fight. | ||
| It's not like looking at old football players or old mixed martial artists. | ||
| It was, like, really hotly contested. | ||
| Yeah, real high-level stuff. | ||
| And then the second fight, Duran got fat. | ||
| He had a hard time making the weight. | ||
| He apparently, like, struggled to make the weight and they ate, like, a big steak and a gallon of orange juice and got really sick. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really, yeah. | |
| Yeah, and then there was also speculation that he was told to throw the fight, that the people had bet on it, but he looked terrible. | ||
| He just didn't look, and then he quit. | ||
| And then after he quit, man, fucking Latinos, all the people that supported him, all the Spanish-speaking world were so upset because he was this macho, fucking savage representative of everything. | ||
| I mean, he just quit for no reason. | ||
| He's like, no mas, no mas. | ||
| Like, nothing. | ||
| He's fine. | ||
| He's like, you know how much we fucking paid to watch this? | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| So he was crushed for years and years. | ||
| And it was sad. | ||
| I watched him fight like, you know, it's like all of a sudden he just looked like this doughy version of who he used to be. | ||
| And then he came back and fought Davey Moore. | ||
| And if you remember that fight, he was a distinct underdog. | ||
| He was in his late 30s. | ||
| I think he was like 36. And in those days, back in that day, it was like, that was really fucking old. | ||
| Like 36, like Bernard Hopkins just won the title at 48. But in Duran's day, 36 was old as fuck. | ||
| But he boxed the shit out of Davey Moore. | ||
| And he thumbed him in the eye, more importantly. | ||
| He swole up one of his eyes, and he couldn't see. | ||
| And the kid just didn't, he never had overcome adversity like that. | ||
| Where he was in with a guy he really couldn't hurt. | ||
| The guy was just clever enough to get out of the way of all his shit. | ||
| And land a little bit, and a little bit more, and a little bit more. | ||
| And as the rounds progressed, he realized, oh my god, I'm getting beat up. | ||
| Put on them. | ||
| That was such a wild thing to see. | ||
| I love a guy that comes back. | ||
| I love a guy that's like his life's in the toilet and then he bounces back. | ||
| Yeah, George Foreman. | ||
| George Foreman's a fascinating story. | ||
| Fascinating. | ||
| I remember when he made his comeback. | ||
| He was 36 years old and he was over 330 pounds or something crazy like that. | ||
| Like, rotund. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And it was a joke. | ||
| I love this fighting style which is sort of like a weeble wobble but we don't fall down. | ||
| He'd just sort of rock back and forth and he'd keep his left way out there like this because this was what was coming. | ||
| Yeah, all of it was coming. | ||
| He could knock you out with anything. | ||
| He had like hams for fists, that guy. | ||
| He was an incredible specimen. | ||
| But he went into four years of heavy depression after the Ali fight. | ||
| Yeah, it was a brutal fight for him. | ||
| First of all, he'd never encountered that kind of psychological warfare. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| When Ali was dancing and screaming to the cameras. | ||
| Have you seen the documentary on that, When We Were Kings? | ||
| Amazing, amazing documentary. | ||
| And if Ali had retired after that fight, maybe he'd still be around to talk about shit today. | ||
| Maybe we could have him on the podcast. | ||
| He hadn't really gotten to the point where... | ||
| His illness kicked in like it does now. | ||
| It's so sad to watch. | ||
| Like his later fights. | ||
| Well, taking the beating that Foreman... | ||
| Actually, in the documentary, when they say he was taunting him, he was taunting him, and finally, Foreman just let him have it. | ||
| And then you saw the fear in Ali's eyes. | ||
| Then you saw, holy shit, what have I done here? | ||
| But then he lasted it through, and then... | ||
| You know, boom, came back. | ||
| That was just a will battle. | ||
| A battle in a rope-a-dope style. | ||
| Nobody saw that coming. | ||
| Against a guy like Foreman? | ||
| And you see him hitting that heavy bag, just putting a hole in it. | ||
| You're taking that to the ribs, to the kidneys? | ||
| There's a guy named LeVar Johnson who fights in the UFC right now who's freakishly strong like that. | ||
| He's got that ridiculous kind of power. | ||
| He's a huge guy. | ||
| He's about 250 pounds. | ||
| I think he was 260 for his last fight. | ||
| And he fought Brendan Schaub, who just kept taking him down. | ||
| Brendan fought a real smart fight because he's just too dangerous standing up. | ||
| He just knocks out everybody. | ||
| He's so fucking powerful. | ||
| I mean, he's not the most technical guy in the sport, but for sure, he's one of the hardest punchers. | ||
| If he hits you, you're a And everybody's just scrambling to grab ahold of this guy and drag him to the ground as quickly as possible. | ||
| He's just got that thing. | ||
| And there's a few guys, like a George Foreman type guy, they just have that thing. | ||
| They can hit you way harder than you can hit them. | ||
| Oh, Tyson. | ||
| Tyson, you know, everyone would watch for his right because he would knock you out and then he was knocking you out with his left. | ||
| Tyson had speed that just was unrivaled. | ||
| The ferocity and speed. | ||
| And the ruthlessness of it. | ||
| Like if you watch the Marvis-Fraser fight. | ||
| Him and his prime. | ||
| Him and his prime. | ||
| When he was still up in Vermont. | ||
| Brian, pull up the Marvis-Fraser fight. | ||
| Pull up Mike Tyson versus Marvis-Fraser. | ||
| Because in my opinion, this was the scariest I've ever seen a human being be in my life. | ||
| I remember I was like... | ||
| I think I was probably like... | ||
| I was watching this at home on TV, and Tyson just destroyed Marvis Fraser in the most violent fight I had ever seen in a boxing match. | ||
| And I thought to myself back then, I was like, if there's one person that would be the most terrifying person to be encountered with, it would be Mike Tyson, that has ever lived. | ||
| Watch this fight. | ||
| I mean, he just... | ||
| Marvis Frazier was like a top heavyweight contender. | ||
| And Tyson just stepped to him and just started fucking blasting him. | ||
| Dodging under punches. | ||
| Got him in this corner right here. | ||
| And this is the end right here. | ||
| Wah-bing! | ||
| Bing, bing, bing, bing, bing. | ||
| That's all before he can fall down. | ||
| He's already unconscious. | ||
| Tyson hits him four times more before he even gets to the ground. | ||
| It was like an assassination. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| When I was watching Tyson, I was like, no one's ever going to beat, not for ten years. | ||
| He ended up beating himself. | ||
| Well, you know what it is, man? | ||
| It's a bunch of things. | ||
| First of all, once you've gotten there, it's got to be a very strange and uncharted place in your mind and in your ability to maintain discipline. | ||
| He had been very protected. | ||
| He'd been living in this. | ||
| Well, he's also 20-something years old. | ||
| But he'd been trained. | ||
| He'd been taken out of Brownsville. | ||
| He'd been taken out of Reform School. | ||
| He'd been trained by one of the greatest trainers of all time. | ||
| You know, adopted effectively by him. | ||
| And more importantly, Customato was one of the greatest psychological trainers of all time. | ||
| And he saw in him, he said, he's the greatest raw talent I've ever seen. | ||
| And he would, Customato would say things that to this day, there's, you can have a short, precise point that an athlete can digest and take with him as he steps out of the locker room and into the ring that actually can help. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| And Customato said one of the most brilliant things that I've ever heard when it comes to being terrified in the face of combat and in the face of a fight. | ||
| And he said that every man experiences fire. | ||
| And that fire can cook your food, it can heat your house, or if you let it get away, it can burn you to the ground. | ||
| And you have to decide how to take care of it. | ||
| But the coward and the hero feel the exact same thing. | ||
| It's just the coward... | ||
| It falls into the pressure where the hero figures out how to manage it and overcome it and actually rises to the occasion and keeps it together. | ||
| So for Custom Mono, he had studied psychology and he had studied so many aspects that are crucial to success in that crazy, isolated type of a sport. | ||
| You've got a guy like Tyson who's this needy, young, energetic, physical specimen, just Just filled with anger and rage and not getting enough love. | ||
| And all of a sudden this Yoda motherfucker comes out of the Catskills. | ||
| He was Yoda, yeah. | ||
| It's one of the greatest stories in sports history. | ||
| It's sad the way it ended. | ||
| It isn't sad, man. | ||
| It's not sad. | ||
| He's alive. | ||
| He's fine. | ||
| Tyson's doing these story shows. | ||
| Dana White told me it's fucking fantastic. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| He goes on and he tells these wild stories about his life, and Spike Lee directed it. | ||
| It's apparently amazing. | ||
| So it's not sad. | ||
| It's inevitable. | ||
| There's no way you can keep beating people up, and that's happy. | ||
| Because it's always sad for the people you beat up. | ||
| I mean, there is no happy ending if you beat the fuck out of people for the rest of your life. | ||
| There's no happy ending. | ||
| There's a bunch of sad endings. | ||
| There's your happy ending. | ||
| You're happy. | ||
| You get to retire undefeated. | ||
| Yay! | ||
| No, I never had to take it. | ||
| Dished it all out. | ||
| Good night, everybody. | ||
| Like Rocky Marciano. | ||
| It was the big deal that Rocky Marciano reached whatever it was, 46-0 or 39-0. | ||
| And everybody was like, Marciano was the only one to retire undefeated. | ||
| Well, that's almost unfair. | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| It's almost unfair, you know? | ||
| I'd like to retire undefeated. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Not for my parasite eating your asshole. | |
| I think, yeah, you lost that game. | ||
| You had to cheat. | ||
| You had to take performance enhancing drugs. | ||
| Your immune system wasn't able to fight off the alien. | ||
| You had to swallow poison. | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| I'm just talking shit. | ||
| What was it like hunting in Japan? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Weren't you hunting animals? | |
| No, no, no. | ||
| You're confusing it. | ||
| Siberia. | ||
| They were in Chernobyl. | ||
| Yeah, we talked about that last time. | ||
| Yeah, the wolves. | ||
| They're freakish giant wolves out there. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, they're mutated. | ||
| Mutated animals. | ||
| Is that true? | ||
| For real? | ||
| 100%? | ||
| 100%. | ||
| What did they look like? | ||
| Well, the mutations are mostly internal because the exclusion zone, which is a huge area, is radioactive and so they've undergone mutations. | ||
| I actually read something the other day saying I'm from Ukraine and there's all these horses out there and there aren't mutations. | ||
| We actually have the guys, the people who run the exclusion zone, admitting on camera Yes, they're mutated. | ||
| The scientists are saying they're mutated. | ||
| And of course they're mutated because they're growing up in a radioactive zone about the size of France. | ||
| But yeah, we went to hunt them. | ||
| The thing is, we had a Geiger counter with us. | ||
| And whenever you go off and they go into the forest, the forest, which is where all the dirt and everything is trapped, it would go off the register. | ||
| I mean, it was like... | ||
| I forget what it was, but it was like 400 mega rems or whatever was safe, and we got to 14,000 at one point. | ||
| Speaking of parasites, I'll take, but 1,400 times the healthy dose of radiation. | ||
| Yeah, but you might have zombie parasites now. | ||
| Radioactive parasites. | ||
| Have you seen the fish? | ||
| Have you seen the fish of Chernobyl, those videos of these enormous fish? | ||
| Brian, pull that up because it's really strange. | ||
| I mean, I don't know, maybe these fish, maybe I'm just ignorant and they're like sturgeons or something. | ||
| If you look at now, too, if you look at what's happening in Japan, they have massive protests in Japan saying you have to stop nuclear energy. | ||
| Look at what the fuck happened in in Fukushima because you know we had a tsunami which we're gonna have more and more of but guess what now we have whole radioactive villages and you know radiation in the groundwater radiation all but radiation in the food What is that? | ||
| That's like a giant carp. | ||
| Is that a fish in Fukushima that's fucked up? | ||
| That's just a giant carp, dude. | ||
| I think that's in... | ||
| If you Google radioactive fish of Chernobyl, there's a video where these people are by this river and these enormous fish. | ||
| I don't know what they are. | ||
| I mean, maybe it's just that's what they are. | ||
| Maybe it's like there's a lot of fish there and the people went there didn't know. | ||
| When we were there, the people who run the actual zone were saying that the animals, they admitted the animals are mutated. | ||
| And so, well, of course they are. | ||
| I mean, why wouldn't they? | ||
| You have massive amounts of radiation. | ||
| How can they not be? | ||
| We had this dude, Scott Sigler, on the podcast yesterday, and he's an author, and he writes about shit like that, like a fucking island of mutated animals that are 650 pounds, and they're packed predators with fins. | ||
| So you're freaking me out right now, man. | ||
| You're freaking me out with these Siberian werewolf stories. | ||
| That would be an awesome movie, though, Siberian werewolf, because of the mutation. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That was like, you know, almost all of the like, like when you were a kid, but well, not all of them, but it was always a constant theme for superheroes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, like David Banner became the Hulk. | ||
| It was Bruce Banner originally, but they thought that was too gay for television. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| So they changed it to David when it was on television. | ||
| It was always you came close to it, but just close enough. | ||
| The X-Men. | ||
| The good shit would happen. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They would all get like some super power. | ||
| As opposed to testicular cancer or fucking renal cancer. | ||
| Wasn't the Fantastic Four, like they got fucking blasted, something happened and they became super powerful? | ||
| We're so funny. | ||
| Usually we're talking about politics. | ||
| We're like, how the hell did the Fantastic Four become so... | ||
| I've always liked the Fantastic Four, man. | ||
| I always liked comic books when I was a kid. | ||
| And that was such a big theme that somehow or another you would get into some encounter with massive amounts of radiation, but you would become a superhero. | ||
| And so every kid sort of looked at that like, wow, yeah, man. | ||
| As opposed to, you know, what it does to you. | ||
| Bunnies being born with no arms or legs. | ||
| Dude, it's... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Weird shit. | ||
| Bad shit. | ||
| Bad, bad shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you don't know, like, how is this all going to balance out? | ||
| How long is it going to take? | ||
| Because, by the way, life can sort of barely trudge on in an incredibly fucked up state of toxicity for several thousand years. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| And, you know, eventually get to the point where it either figures out how to clean everything up or mutates to the point where you can tolerate it. | ||
| But it's not going to be fun, you know? | ||
| No. | ||
| It's avoidable, too. | ||
| Well, when we interviewed the IAEA for our World's Most Dangerous Border piece, which I think we talked about here, India, Pakistan, and Kashmir, which actually the fort that we were based out of just got attacked yesterday, They said categorically that if you use more than 100 warheads, of which they have hundreds of warheads pointing at each other in Pakistan, that the world, as we know it, ceases to exist. | ||
| Everything is just, I mean, the ozone is gone. | ||
| It's over. | ||
| It's like, you know, the Planet of the Apes dudes who are living underground? | ||
| That's the type of shit that you're, you know, and you sit there and say, this is what's happening today is that India and Pakistan hating each other mean that, you know, we have the distinct possibility that Our ozone is gone or... | ||
| That one of these crazy fucks pushes the button. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Well, then we have to hope that the aliens land and stop all that shit. | ||
| That's the only thing that can save us. | ||
| Well, maybe if aliens were real, that would be the time to move. | ||
| To get in between India and Pakistan and go, guys, guys, guys! | ||
| God damn! | ||
| What is this mess you've got here? | ||
| Why is there a billion people here? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Everybody settle the fuck down. | ||
| You look exactly the same when you hate each other. | ||
| That's nonsense. | ||
| And you're right across some stupid divide. | ||
| One person believes one pile of wacky bullshit and the other person... | ||
| Everybody settle the fuck down. | ||
| I agree. | ||
| You need a big spaceship to pull that off though. | ||
| Like several football fields long and you need to do a magic trick or two. | ||
| And let these bitches know that you're there for... | ||
| For serious. | ||
| You're not taking any bullshit. | ||
| Make some trees disappear. | ||
| I think you're out here in L.A. in the land of Scientology. | ||
| You've got to get the aliens. | ||
| Dr. Zog and the Phaetans and all that. | ||
| Amazing how easy that was to pull off when you really read that story. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| Doesn't it make you want to start a cult? | ||
| Just a little baby one? | ||
| It's pretty interesting, I've got to say. | ||
| I'm fascinated by it. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| If you could live in the 1950s and start your cult around the same time he started his cult. | ||
| People start cults. | ||
| Warren Jeff's, you know, is doing it right now. | ||
| Warren Jeff's... | ||
| That's Utah, though. | ||
| It's a totally different animal. | ||
| Utah's a different animal. | ||
| You can pull it off there. | ||
| You can't get any New Mexicans to buy into that bullshit. | ||
| We did a... | ||
| Well, they buy into it all over the place, but we did a story on the Lost Boys. | ||
| You know these guys, the Lost Boys? | ||
| No. | ||
| Because of, well, more in Jeff's case, he has like 78 wives. | ||
| Shazam! | ||
| Why you hating, bitch? | ||
| The elders get like 20, 30, 40 wives. | ||
| But then just by math, okay, there's only X amount of women, so they have to get rid of these... | ||
| The kids, the men. | ||
| Okay, you're not thinking in terms of being bountiful. | ||
| I think you're bringing more women. | ||
| See, you're seeing a problem. | ||
| I see an equation that you have to solve. | ||
| And what you need to do is bring in more crazy bitches. | ||
| What's happening is they kick the men, the boys, out. | ||
| And so these kids who grew up in this religion that says everybody else is evil and you can't do anything and they don't know how to pay bills, they don't know anything. | ||
| They just kick them out and said, okay, you're gone now. | ||
| Because they want the girls. | ||
| They have to have the girls. | ||
| Okay, that's weak. | ||
| That's player hating. | ||
| You're not loving your brothers and sisters. | ||
| They're in your crazy cult together. | ||
| You're kicking out your own kids. | ||
| You're also kicking out people who know how crazy your nutty cult is, and they're going to eventually tell people why they're so sad. | ||
| Why so sad, Billy? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| My fucking dad needs to have a hundred fucking bitches to marry, so he kicked me out so I can't have girlfriends. | ||
| Those poor girls that grow up with no men, and they're forced to accept the fact that the 70-year-old guys... | ||
| I like the voice that you're adopting. | ||
| That's me. | ||
| That's me in therapy. | ||
| If I got kicked out by my dad and he was fucking this girl I was in love with, my own dad's like, Shut up, son! | ||
| Get out of the room! | ||
| She's mine! | ||
| Mine! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mine! | |
| I need a hundred of them. | ||
| A hundred. | ||
| But you know what? | ||
| On the other hand, you can't hate. | ||
| If the guy can keep it up... | ||
| Wow. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't know if he can keep it up in prison. | ||
| Don't take that out of context, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| I don't really mean that. | ||
| That was only in jest. | ||
| I think that that guy obviously victimized some poor people that were easily led. | ||
| My question has always been, why are people still so easily led? | ||
| That's a good question. | ||
| Is it just a way the body is designed that some of us are worker bees and some of us are middle management and some of us are the contrarians hanging on the outside like you or I? Life is hard. | ||
| Life is hard. | ||
| And you're looking for someone to say here's why it's hard. | ||
| Here's why it's hard. | ||
| And by the way if you work hard and do what I say then you're going to go someplace better because now it's a bitch. | ||
| Now it's fucking hard as shit. | ||
| But if you do all this shit it's going to get better. | ||
| And you know what else it is? | ||
| It's like being in a group is great. | ||
| It's nice to be in a group. | ||
| It's us against them. | ||
| Yeah, like what we call death squad. | ||
| It's not like... | ||
| You don't have to join it or anything like that. | ||
| It's not real. | ||
| It's not a real organization. | ||
| Yeah, the tattoo. | ||
| Is it in your right cheek? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I got the whole... | ||
| But it's cool. | ||
| When we go places and we see all those death squad shirts, there's something cool about it. | ||
| There's something undeniably cool about it. | ||
| We're not trying to really start a cult. | ||
| We're not telling anybody what to do. | ||
| But if we show up somewhere and you're wearing a death squad shirt, it's kind of badass. | ||
| It's like, what's up, man? | ||
| How you doing? | ||
| You know, most likely, unless he's an undercover cop, that's going to be a very nice guy. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| I understand what this podcast is for now. | ||
| I'm finally getting your light. | ||
| Selling Mises. | ||
| Starting a cult would be cool. | ||
| No. | ||
| But you don't want a real cult. | ||
| See, the best kind of cult is the kind of cult that doesn't really have any foundation whatsoever. | ||
| No leadership. | ||
| There's no structure. | ||
| And everybody kind of knows what the fuck to do. | ||
| That's the perfect cult. | ||
| Where you can't really say you're doing anything. | ||
| Because you're not doing anything. | ||
| You've set up the meta cult. | ||
| You just podcast. | ||
| That's what you do. | ||
| You just start podcasting. | ||
| And eventually you get into their system. | ||
| And once you get into their system, you tell them, listen, man, we just need to spread this and we're all going to be okay. | ||
| We just need to get this out to everybody. | ||
| Spread it out as far and wide. | ||
| And it's real simple. | ||
| It's like Jim Jeffery said about the Bible. | ||
| Did you ever see Jim Jeffery's bit about the Bible? | ||
| It should say, don't be a cunt. | ||
| And really, are you peeing? | ||
| Are you getting up to pee? | ||
| More alcohol. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's a good move. | |
| Jamie, why don't you... | ||
| Yeah, one of you gentlemen that's not working. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Shane, you sure you don't want the Kool-Aid? | |
| Shane, our Kool-Aid has been processed in a special microfilter that's pumped uphill. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Using on it. | |
| Yeah, using gravel and stream water. | ||
| And it's all broadcast live on audible.com. | ||
| But thank you, sir. | ||
| Thank you very much. | ||
| I really do think, all bullshit aside, that your shit that you guys are doing on Vice.com has as much of an impact on where this culture is going and the potential that this culture has for understanding The true inner workings of all the various aspects of intergovernmental relationships and nutty places like Chernobyl and the Liberia episode. | ||
| I didn't know anything about Liberia until I watched that show. | ||
| You guys have done more. | ||
| Look, just for educating me, okay? | ||
| And I can, I mean, not really educate people, but tell you what link to click on. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| But that kind of a connection? | ||
| You guys have exposed me to some of the most little understood, little talked about things that are so bizarre and hard to believe that exist today. | ||
| I think I said this last time. | ||
| Your audience is maybe the best audience in the goddamn world because we, you know, people used to say Vice was the best content on the web that you've never seen. | ||
| And when we started to come out here and do this podcast, all of a sudden we'd get these, you know, fanatical, sort of positivist, wow, like great responses. | ||
| And it was always with the hashtag, you know, Powerful or Rogan or whatever. | ||
| And it's always by... | ||
| 100% of the time, it's your... | ||
| You know, and I've got to say... | ||
| That says a lot about you, but it also says a lot about the people who listen to this podcast, which is they're thinking for themselves. | ||
| They're listening to alternative shit. | ||
| They're not believing the bullshit that they see on regular mainstream TV. And look, they're positive when someone says, look, like you said, you and I live on the periphery. | ||
| And we live on the periphery, but we're trying to do our thing. | ||
| And you know what? | ||
| When people who listen to this podcast are so positive... | ||
| It makes me fucking happy and it makes me say, you know, I don't mind. | ||
| I got a helmet-headed fucking flesh-eating fucking colon. | ||
| Because these motherfuckers on Twitter and on Facebook and on Vice, they're so fucking positive. | ||
| And then, you know, I'm going to tell you another thing. | ||
| It makes me feel like we can change shit. | ||
| It makes me feel like, okay, there is some negative motherfuckers out there in the world who are doing some really bad shit. | ||
| But we can actually do things to stop that. | ||
| And you're doing it and I'm doing it. | ||
| And by the way, the people on this podcast are doing it. | ||
| And the more people that actually educate themselves and listen to you and come in here and check on those links, that's fucking how we change shit. | ||
| We shouldn't expect anyone else to change the shit for you because they won't. | ||
| I agree with you, and I also believe that it's also a matter of projecting a certain way of living. | ||
| Right. | ||
| That you project. | ||
| You project a very honest and humbled view of the world. | ||
| And I think when someone is exposed to a guy like you, when a guy's sitting on his stationary bike right now, riding along, listening to the show and listening to your experiences in life in Karachi and Liberia, which I really want to get to again. | ||
| They sort of get this view like, okay, here's this fucking guy who's out here doing all this crazy shit, and he's saying all these things. | ||
| This guy has no reason to lie to me. | ||
| He's not like anybody that I've ever met before, but yet I'm sort of absorbing his thoughts. | ||
| And by doing that, you're injecting these ideas that might not have ever manifest themselves in hundreds of thousands and millions of people. | ||
| And that's some powerful possibility. | ||
| powerful, powerful shit And it's not on CBS, and it's not on NBC, and it's never going to be. | ||
| It's never going to be broadcast by anybody that doesn't want to risk everything they already have. | ||
| Which we get a lot of shit for. | ||
| We get a lot of shit for. | ||
| And this is another thing I want to say about the people on this podcast. | ||
| A lot of times, for example, what just went down in North Korea, we get attacked by mainstream media. | ||
| And yet, you know, people who are on the periphery, people who are watching us, people are just like, exactly, this is exactly what the fuck we want to have go on. | ||
| Well, nobody exposed mainstream, well, nobody in the mainstream, rather, exposed North Korea the way that you guys did. | ||
| When you went to North Korea and showed those fake restaurants and showed just how spooky and nutty the atmosphere was over there, We were not... | ||
| There was no shows that were doing that. | ||
| There was no... | ||
| 60 Minutes wasn't doing that. | ||
| The honesty in which you portray things, like from Ladyboys in Thailand, you know what I mean? | ||
| Like when you were hanging with the Ladyboys. | ||
| Dude, I'm telling you, man, I became a fan of yours when I saw that video of you hanging with the Ladyboys. | ||
| You know why? | ||
| Here's why. | ||
| Because you were being kind to them. | ||
| You were being nice to them. | ||
| You were chilling out with them in a bathtub and all laughing and so on. | ||
| But it wasn't even... | ||
| You weren't being creepy and sexual. | ||
| You weren't being a douchebag. | ||
| You were being a sweetheart. | ||
| You were being a nice person to a bunch of other nice people. | ||
| No bullshit. | ||
| And... | ||
| It's hard to do that. | ||
| It's hard to do that. | ||
| It's hard to do that without this fucking faggot. | ||
| It's hard to do that without someone being mad at you. | ||
| It's hard to do that without protecting your ego. | ||
| How are people going to think about you? | ||
| You're hanging out with these ladyboys. | ||
| You were just a guy who was there and he was trying to be nice to some other people and they were being nice to you back and it was the right thing to do and it resonated. | ||
| And I remember watching that video going, this guy's a cool motherfucker. | ||
| And I... I think that was before I even saw Heinmo's adventure, Arctic Adventure, which was the thing that really made me a vice addict. | ||
| I look at vice.com more than any other website on the net, pretty much, other than Twitter and checking my own email. | ||
| I watch all your shit. | ||
| I watch that Heinmo's great adventure, whatever it was, Arctic Adventure. | ||
| What is the actual name of that? | ||
| It was Vice Guide to Travel. | ||
| Yeah, it was the most remote man on earth. | ||
| Heimo, the remotest place on earth. | ||
| The remotest man on earth. | ||
| If you just Google Heimo and Vice, you'll find out whatever the actual... | ||
| Do you know what it is, Brian? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Did you try one of the ladyboys, by the way? | ||
| How dare you? | ||
| How dare you? | ||
| You know we're on the internet? | ||
| Everyone always asks me that question. | ||
| You're like... | ||
| You understand that there's like two camera guys and sound crews. | ||
| Like we're shooting. | ||
| So what? | ||
| You did the right thing, man. | ||
| It was beautiful. | ||
| I wish I would be that strong. | ||
| I'd be like, bitch, get off me. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know how it is. | |
| At a certain point in your life, you don't give a fuck what anybody thinks about you. | ||
| You're just like, you know what? | ||
| I'm going to do my shit. | ||
| I'm going to try to get through the day and do the best thing I possibly can. | ||
| And that's it. | ||
| That's all I can do, you know? | ||
| Well, I think that's a possible state to achieve and maintain, but I think it's difficult to get there. | ||
| For a lot of people, that's an alien concept. | ||
| And that's why when I saw you were so comfortable and cool about that, I was like, there's no way that guy's not cool. | ||
| I was like, that's a cool motherfucker. | ||
| You were just really easy with these people. | ||
| It was fun. | ||
| And I really... | ||
| There was an issue that came up last week or earlier this week about transgender MMA fighters. | ||
| There's a woman who used to be a man who's now fighting in MMA against women. | ||
| I've gotten some heat about it on Twitter that I took the wrong stance because I said that that's a guy that cut his dick off and he's fighting girls. | ||
| That's the end of the story. | ||
| You can say all you want. | ||
| I don't care what the Olympic Committee says. | ||
| There's a different mechanical advantage to being a man. | ||
| But that in no way. | ||
| I want everyone to know that if you really feel like you are supposed to be a woman and you're a man, I will still be friends with you. | ||
| I have zero issue with that. | ||
| My only issue in that Venue is that I understand the mechanical advantage of the male frame. | ||
| I just do. | ||
| If I lost my dick and balls, if I decided to chop my dick and balls off and be a woman, I would still have these giant hands. | ||
| And they're not going to shrink. | ||
| These aren't going to go away. | ||
| So there's a mechanical advantage to having this big hammer fist to punch a girl in the face with. | ||
| That's fucked up. | ||
| It's just not the same. | ||
| And anybody who says that it's the same as far as athletics, it might be the same in track and field. | ||
| If you don't have balls anymore, you might not be able to run as fast. | ||
| Have you ever seen the beautiful boxer? | ||
| Have you ever seen that movie? | ||
| That's the Thai boxer that was a ladyboy with testicles, successful, then chopped him off and then started getting his ass kicked. | ||
| I believe she stopped after... | ||
| I think she fought for a while. | ||
| Yeah, that was the issue. | ||
| I interviewed her in Bangkok and we fought with her a little bit. | ||
| And I gotta say, she could kick the shit out of people. | ||
| But, you know, she was a guy fighting other guys. | ||
| But, you know, yeah. | ||
| I feel for those people. | ||
| I understand that the body is not... | ||
| My thing is, whatever gets you through the fucking day. | ||
| But not that way. | ||
| However, if you're talking about sports, you sit there and say, I don't know what we're looking at. | ||
| Well, you're not even just talking about sports. | ||
| You're talking about the most violent sport in the world. | ||
| And a sport which I understand. | ||
| And I am telling you from a perspective that very few people enjoy. | ||
| I'm telling you from the most honest perspective possible. | ||
| I have called more than a thousand fights. | ||
| I don't know how many fights I've ever done commentary on over 10 plus years of doing it. | ||
| A man has an advantage. | ||
| There's a big difference. | ||
| There's not a little difference. | ||
| There's a big difference. | ||
| Well, also then you start to deal with, you know, the questions of there's steroids involved and there's different things and enhancements and other weird shit that's involved and all that stuff. | ||
| Also, the predatory mind of the male is a very different mindset. | ||
| If you're 30 years old and you get your dick cut off at 30, you've had 30 years of man living. | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| Okay? | ||
| There's a different thing. | ||
| Fighting and dealing with bullshit and dealing with violence and dealing with, you know, possible death. | ||
| When you're hanging out with a bunch of creepy people when you're 18 years old, there's a bunch of violent sexual men. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Gang, right. | ||
| Yes, anything can happen. | ||
| Especially if there's little money and very few parental influences that are positive. | ||
| There's some dangerous shit. | ||
| If you get through all that and then you cut your dick and balls off, you still lived all that. | ||
| You're still a man. | ||
| You're still a violent motherfucker. | ||
| You're still a dangerous dude that happens to want to be a woman. | ||
| And why are you getting into shit? | ||
| Because I said that although I support anybody becoming transgender, if that's what you really want to do, I would never tell anybody what they can and can't do. | ||
| But you shouldn't be fighting women. | ||
| Maybe a tranny league. | ||
| And I don't say tranny. | ||
| It's not derogatory. | ||
| Until it is. | ||
| Didn't the guy from Bravo get in trouble for using the word twink? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Trust me. | ||
| I just remember, I remember seeing a video of these big sort of, you know, Aussie rugby player types. | ||
| And they, I guess, were fucking with some, you know, tranny, ladyboy, whatever. | ||
| And the ladyboy kicked the shit out of them, like, just flatten these three rugby players. | ||
| Because I guess they were actually MMA or they were something, Muay Thai or some sort of fighting. | ||
| And this tranny just fucking leveled them. | ||
| It's on YouTube. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, that's hilarious. | |
| And I was just like, well, you got to think that, you know, if you're in most countries, maybe not Thailand, but if you're a ladyboy or a female or transgender or whatever, they're fighting all the fucking time, you know? | ||
| And so, you know, anyway, I saw that video and it was just kind of like, because I hate those, I was just in Thailand at a conference and there's all these fucking, you know, Australian sort of rugby dudes who are just spoiling for a fight, just They just want to go and they just want to fight. | ||
| You know what those guys need to do? | ||
| They need to get out of rugby and get into some MMA. If you want to fight, you should be fighting, man. | ||
| And I would tell them that. | ||
| I'd be like, look, bro, you're a bad motherfucker. | ||
| It's obvious. | ||
| The reason why you're trying to fight at bars is you need to be testing yourself in that way in a gym. | ||
| I agree. | ||
| Get out of rugby, bitch! | ||
| Knuckle up, son! | ||
| Take a leg kick! | ||
| Defend the choke, bitch! | ||
| Come on, stop it with your stupid ball. | ||
| That's a goddamn euphemism. | ||
| Who gives a fuck what happens with that ball? | ||
| You take away your nutty score thing with one, oh, you got a point, whoa, oh no, they did what we didn't want them to do. | ||
| That's all nonsense. | ||
| What you're doing is trying to stop what you really want to do. | ||
| And what you really want to do is... | ||
| One on one. | ||
| Man to man. | ||
| Someone your size. | ||
| No mechanical advantage. | ||
| No weight advantage. | ||
| Let's see. | ||
| Let's see what's going on. | ||
| Let's see what's going on. | ||
| So any rugby player that shows up and wants a fight, stop being a pussy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Get out of rugby. | |
| I'm gonna send him to you. | ||
| I will help them. | ||
| I was saying, you're a bad motherfucker. | ||
| There's a rage inside of you. | ||
| You need to project that shit in the right way. | ||
| And this ball thing isn't working out. | ||
| You need to leave that ball alone. | ||
| Nobody gives a fuck if you get it across that line. | ||
| That's nonsense. | ||
| You're playing a game. | ||
| Oh, you kicked it between the two sticks. | ||
| The world has changed! | ||
| No, it hasn't. | ||
| Nothing's changed, okay? | ||
| You still, you're fighting off those bullies that fucked with you when you were in the seventh grade. | ||
| What you need to do is some fucking kettlebells, son. | ||
| Some bodyweight squats. | ||
| Learn some jujitsu. | ||
| Choke some bitches out. | ||
| Get it out of your system. | ||
| There you go. | ||
| Stop fighting in bars. | ||
| Stop letting the demon alcohol bring it out of your body. | ||
| I agree with you because they just bum my fucking... | ||
| They harsh my buzz. | ||
| They do harsh my buzz too, man. | ||
| Because the guys that get it out in the gym, they don't look for it anywhere. | ||
| Well, I'll tell you what. | ||
| When you drink, the real you comes out and the real me is just a jovial 80-year-old man. | ||
| I'm like fucking Buddha. | ||
| I'm just sitting there drinking my drink. | ||
| I'm having a good old time. | ||
| And, you know, when you see these dudes come out and they have a few drinks in them and they get all, you know, randified and you're just like... | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Anyway. | ||
| It's not necessary. | ||
| It's not good for them. | ||
| They all need hugs. | ||
| They all do, man. | ||
| Well, you and I both know if you're a real fighter, you won't fight in a bar. | ||
| Well, why would you want to hit someone that doesn't want to get hit, that doesn't want to fight? | ||
| And if they do want to fight, is it possible that can be avoided with talking? | ||
| And if it's not, they're probably a bitch. | ||
| Or you're crazy. | ||
| If you're a real fighter, you're not going to fight a bar. | ||
| Someone's going to take a bottle of your head. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's not true. | |
| This guy's like Tank Abbott that will fight you anywhere. | ||
| He'll fight you on a plane. | ||
| And he's a real fighter. | ||
| It's just that's that dude. | ||
| That's what he's all about. | ||
| He's not about... | ||
| Let me say most professional fighters. | ||
| A guy like Tank Abbott, he's one of my favorite fighters of all time. | ||
| And one of the reasons why is not because he was the best, not because he was the most technical or won the most titles, is that you genuinely knew for a fact, 100%, no doubt about it, If you fucking flap your gums in front of Tank Abbott, he's going to make you swallow your teeth. | ||
| It doesn't matter if you're on a Greyhound bus or on a fucking space shuttle. | ||
| He's going to beat your ass. | ||
| And there's a reality to that that I find refreshing. | ||
| Like drowning in the ocean or getting hit in the head by a meteor. | ||
| There's certain unavoidable consequences to being in the wrong place at the wrong time. | ||
| But that's why I say most of the... | ||
| Many more than I do, but most professional fighters or fighters who do it for a living aren't going to get to a fight in a bar because someone's going to take a bottle to their head, you're going to fuck up your hand, you're going to do something... | ||
| That or they would, and they would clean out the whole bar and you have a real problem on your hands. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| A guy like Randy Couture and Dan Henderson. | ||
| I don't know if this is a true story or not, but there's a legendary story about those two guys in college when they were both elite wrestlers just cleaning out a ball. | ||
| I don't know if it's true. | ||
| I never talked to Randy about it. | ||
| But what I can tell you of what I know about Randy, I've been around that guy for, I saw his first fight in the UFC, and he fought Tony Halma, and then he fought this really promising kid, I forget his name, Kevin something or another, and he beat both of these guys, and I was like, wow, this guy's a stud. | ||
| This guy is the real fucking deal. | ||
| He is one of the friendliest people you could ever be around. | ||
| You would never imagine that Randy Couture would ever get into a street fight. | ||
| If you're talking to that guy, whether it's in a bar or a Denny's or a bowling alley, he's a smiling, handshaking, comfortable, pat-you-on-the-back gentleman. | ||
| You would never imagine that anybody would ever find themselves so cunty that they would be in a fistfight with Randy Couture. | ||
| Did you ever hear that story about Tyson? | ||
| Mitch Bloodgreen? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, they fought in a bar. | ||
| And didn't he hit him? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, no, no. | |
| It wasn't even in a bar. | ||
| It was in a... | ||
| What are those fancy words for when the... | ||
| It was like 2 o'clock in the morning in Harlem. | ||
| And Mitch Blood Green had been taunting Mike Tyson forever. | ||
| And Mike broke his hand on Mitch Green's face. | ||
| But didn't Mitch Green had like 28 surgeries? | ||
| Well, he broke his orbital, I believe. | ||
| Yeah, he caved in his face. | ||
| He broke his hand on his face. | ||
| Caved in his face with one punch. | ||
| And you're just sitting there saying, okay, with one punch, he caved in dude's face. | ||
| He had to have 28 surgeries. | ||
| And by the way, this guy's a professional fighter. | ||
| He gets paid to get fucking hit in the face. | ||
| And you get one punch and it gives you 28 surgeries. | ||
| He accomplished what he wanted to do. | ||
| He dragged a guy into the ring that had no business challenging Mike Tyson. | ||
| He really wasn't at that level. | ||
| And by his persistence and his arrogance, he really did get that fight. | ||
| And you saw it. | ||
| But you saw in that fight why he wanted that fight. | ||
| And why he wanted that fight is Mitch Blood Green, even though he had no business being in the ring technically with Tyson, he didn't get stopped. | ||
| Tyson beat the fuck out of that guy. | ||
| And he couldn't put him away. | ||
| That was an amazing fight. | ||
| If you think about it, because Tyson was in his prime. | ||
| That was the Tyson that was just... | ||
| Darchin guys. | ||
| Tyrell Biggs, who's an Olympic gold medalist, was just running for his life, trying to keep the jab on that guy. | ||
| Jesus Christ! | ||
| He's just ripping to your body, right to the body in that right uppercut. | ||
| That shit was legendary! | ||
| And Mitch Blood Green made it through that. | ||
| And the reason he made it through that is the same reason why he wanted to fight Tyson in the first place. | ||
| He was convinced that he was the baddest motherfucker on the planet. | ||
| But he got his face caved in. | ||
| Sort of. | ||
| He did. | ||
| He got beat up, but he was alright. | ||
| I mean, it's really amazing when you think about it, because who the fuck was training Mitch Blood Green? | ||
| I mean, I don't know who his trainers were. | ||
| I mean, it might have been someone really good, but I had to think about his approach. | ||
| Part of it was kind of brilliant. | ||
| He forced Mike Tyson into fighting him. | ||
| But that Mike Tyson, that was the best Mike Tyson. | ||
| That era, that Marvis Frazier era. | ||
| That was our Joe Lewis. | ||
| That was our Sonny Liston. | ||
| That was our, whoa, that one guy. | ||
| That Mitch Blood Green thing, man. | ||
| That was a long time ago. | ||
| We're like old men. | ||
| Just talking about old fights. | ||
| We're old as fuck. | ||
| Jack Johnson, I'll tell you what. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'll tell you about a guy who used to be able to hit you and you'd stay down. | |
| I hit you with one lick. | ||
| It was all over. | ||
| What was that video you told me to look up earlier to see what the name was for Vice? | ||
| Because I typed in Hyman Vice and that's not the name. | ||
| Heinmo. | ||
| Heinmo. | ||
| It's Heinmo's Arctic Refuge. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| H-Y. Heinmo's Arctic Refuge is what it's called. | ||
| Yeah, that got me sold. | ||
| And then David chose Search for the Dinosaur. | ||
| That got me going. | ||
| Speaking of Heinmo, we went to the The Arctic, this guy lived out in the middle of nowhere, and he lived with his wife out there, literally in the middle of nowhere. | ||
| He was the most isolated person on earth, until they found, I don't know if you heard about this, this Russian family in Siberia. | ||
| They were like Russian Orthodox, and during the Communist Revolution, they went up to this mountain that's nearly impossible to get to, and they lived in this little shack. | ||
| And they lived like... | ||
| They didn't even have shoes, which I don't understand because I don't know how you get frostbite in Siberia. | ||
| But they'd wrap their feet in like birch bark and moss and shit. | ||
| And they were eating seeds. | ||
| And they lived up there. | ||
| The guy was like 90 years old and they finally came in and he had his family. | ||
| They were there and they were like 70 and 60 and shit. | ||
| And they finally arrived and they had like iPods and everything. | ||
| And when they got there, they had lived this whole time... | ||
|
unidentified
|
You mean the people that showed up had iPods, not the family. | |
| No, no, no. | ||
| The family had not seen... | ||
| They had been isolated since the 40s, right? | ||
| I believe the 1930s, yeah. | ||
| It was the 1930s. | ||
| They had been isolated up there as a family. | ||
| They didn't know about World War II, correct? | ||
| They did not know about World War II, correct. | ||
| They didn't know about anything. | ||
| And they had literally, like, sort of learned how to make shit out of bark and everything. | ||
| You know, complete survivalist shit. | ||
| How many people were up there? | ||
| I think there were six of them and then they all died. | ||
| It was weird because they... | ||
| So this is an interesting story. | ||
| They got found and they found out, oh, there's another world out there and whatever. | ||
| And then one by one they died very quickly after they got found. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa! | |
| Except for, like, I believe the youngest daughter is now in her late 70s. | ||
| And she went into the nearest Siberian town and sort of lived there for a while and said, you know what, screw this. | ||
| And she went back. | ||
| She's like a 77-year-old woman. | ||
| Back by herself. | ||
| She went back by herself and she's still there. | ||
| So we wanted to go up there and do like the Haimo, the most isolated person in the world, which was Haimo. | ||
| It's a woman. | ||
| It's a woman and she's in her 70s and she's going back up this mountain where you can't like... | ||
| Do you hear that, pussies? | ||
| Okay, all you fucking weak bitches complaining. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I gotta get up at 7 to be at the office by 9. Are you fucking kidding me? | |
| There's a hundred Carl's Juniors on the way to work. | ||
| You're complaining there's a 70-year-old crazy bitch on a donkey and it's 80,000 degrees below zero. | ||
| And she's by herself in Russia. | ||
| And like 600 miles away from the next nearest person. | ||
| And she prefers it. | ||
| She prefers it up there. | ||
| She went back. | ||
| She went back. | ||
| Jesus fucking Christ! | ||
| What's wrong with that crazy bitch? | ||
| I bet she has a pussy like a softball mitt. | ||
| And I bet... | ||
| I don't even know what that means. | ||
| Just a fucking... | ||
| Thickly padded wall and a lot of pressure. | ||
| She could catch a ball with that thing. | ||
| Can you imagine the weird shit that happened amongst those five, six people? | ||
| Sexually? | ||
| No, but for 70 fucking years. | ||
| Oh, Jesus. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Alone. | |
| On a fucking mountain. | ||
| Continuous orgy. | ||
| At the end, they probably checked them for sperm. | ||
| There was nothing left. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It might be awesome. | |
| No, you're fucking your kids and your sister. | ||
| So, it feels the same. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Shut up! | |
| That's fucking communism! | ||
| Yeah, I don't think it would be good, okay? | ||
| I don't think it would be good to have no TV. I think that shit's nonsense. | ||
| Why not be a woodchuck out there eating beavers and fucking your kids? | ||
| I don't think that's the way to go. | ||
| They were eating like bark and shit, you know? | ||
| Oh, that sucks. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bark off your son's dick? | |
| When was the last time you had a Diet Coke? | ||
| What? | ||
| Look, that guy is living in shit. | ||
| He's in 2013, but he lives like he's in this. | ||
| These are the questions that come to me when you're like, okay, these people are eating bark and putting moss on their feet for shoes. | ||
| And I'm sitting there going, boy, they're just bringing us more and more booze. | ||
| You're thinking, do you want to survive the zombie apocalypse? | ||
| No, but what I was going to say to you is, and this is a serious question, right? | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| No, not that serious. | ||
| But when you look at shit like that, you say, okay, these people are up there eating bark. | ||
| And there's a lot of shit happening. | ||
| We were talking a little bit earlier. | ||
| How much of your life revolves around the pleasure that food, booze... | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| We were talking about this before the podcast even started, about making the choice between booze and food. | ||
| Like, if you could eat whatever the fuck you wanted and be healthy and live till you're fucking 90 and all that shit, but you couldn't drink. | ||
| Or you could drink, but you can't eat shit. | ||
| You gotta eat cardboard and fucking grape leaves. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| Well, I'm done. | ||
| I don't know where grape leaves came. | ||
| Cardboard and fucking grass. | ||
| I truly believe that living without good food and living without, I mean, if you've got to survive, you know, if you're living in The Walking Dead and you've got to shoot deer and shit, that's all well and good. | ||
| But we're talking about in this day and age. | ||
| I'm talking you have a choice. | ||
| If you have to make a choice between I can eat my favorite shit or I can drink booze and have the added sort of crank that gives everything you like. | ||
| Well, what I was going to say was that the idea of subsistence living is although frightening, that food is delicious. | ||
| Eating deer over a campfire, that's a really yummy tasting food. | ||
| If you're saying like shitty food, like cardboard tasting, bland food... | ||
| That's a big part of the enjoyment of the day. | ||
| In my opinion, a meal with my family, I think, is one of my favorite things in life. | ||
| And that sounds like utter horseshit to single people. | ||
| But the real idea is sitting down with your kids and having a laugh and having a meal. | ||
| I think that whole process is very important. | ||
| And nutrition is very important, but for me, the taste is very important as well. | ||
| I think it's important to eat things that are delicious. | ||
| It's a part of a pleasurable aspect of life. | ||
| And so if I had to choose, honestly, between... | ||
| Drinking booze and eating delicious food. | ||
| I would go with delicious food. | ||
| I think delicious food is more important because I've experienced the booze. | ||
| And I understand the lessons. | ||
| The lessons of the dropping of the inhibition and the good aspects of alcohol, which are often overlooked by people who just can't handle alcohol. | ||
| We were talking before the podcast started about not... | ||
| There's a certain level of trust that you have where someone's willing to get drunk with you. | ||
| Like, you know that guy's demons. | ||
| They're all right there. | ||
| It comes out. | ||
| Five or six Jack and Cokes, you know, telling a story about Tijuana, and you're like, holy shit! | ||
| How did you... | ||
| Whoa! | ||
| What did you tell your mom? | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| It's like you get to know a person. | ||
| And you realize that there's no benefit in hiding all that shit from people you love anyway. | ||
| There's a benefit in telling them. | ||
| And the sort of camaraderie that ensues from those drunken conversations of complete and total honesty where the alcohol does a purpose. | ||
| Instead of inhibiting you and making you make shitty decisions, the alcohol... | ||
| releases you from this idea that anything makes any sense whatsoever and you start telling the truth or you start expressing yourself or you start looking at things from a more relaxed perspective even temporarily where that thought gets planted in your mind and then You just have more of a sense of friendliness the next day. | ||
| Oftentimes, it's little encounters that steer us. | ||
| I remember this Anthony Robbins quote, who believe it or not, I've listened to a lot of his books on tape and read his books, and he's got a lot of interesting ways of looking at things that I really think are enabling. | ||
| But one of the things that he said is that sometimes if two people are going along the very same paths, like think of yourself as like two boats, if one boat just turns one degree to the right, like over the course of the boat's motion through life, Just that one decision can lead it so far away from the original path that it was on. | ||
| And that, often times, it's a good time that leads you. | ||
| And it might cost you a day or two of being hungover. | ||
| But there might be that phone call where you call each other on a Wednesday like, I had a fucking great time, dude. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That was fun. | |
| But it doesn't even have to be. | ||
| I'm not even talking about a crazy fucking boozy fucking crazy time. | ||
| The reason why I ask the question is because whenever I meet people I like and I respect, I like to ask them questions because I believe that's how you learn. | ||
| And so I have this problem. | ||
| Because I'll tell you what. | ||
| I grew up poor. | ||
| I grew up poor. | ||
| I left home at a very young age. | ||
| And a lot of what I learned, I learned initially through books. | ||
| So I'd read books. | ||
| And that's why I have this sort of intense curiosity about the world. | ||
| Because I'm like, oh fuck, I'd like to go there and see that for myself. | ||
| So anyway, speaking of Chernobyl. | ||
| So I go to the Ukraine. | ||
| I'm just a regular fucking dude from buttfuck nowhere. | ||
| And I go there and I have this dinner and they bring out these potato pancakes with sour cream and caviar and vodka and all this shit. | ||
| I think it was the first time I had caviar and I'm eating it and I'm like, this is fucking awesome. | ||
| You love caviar right off the bat? | ||
| Yeah, first time I ever had it. | ||
| Now, granted, I was a few vodkas in, but I'm drinking the vodka and eating the caviar, and it's Russia, and it's crazy. | ||
| We're out in the middle of fucking nowhere. | ||
| It's not Russia, it's Ukraine. | ||
| We're out in the middle of fucking nowhere, and it's some crazy Cossack shit that's going down, and I'm like, fuck, this is like living in a book, and it's crazy. | ||
| I literally had one of the best nights of my life. | ||
| It was like living in a book from the 1800s. | ||
| So I had one of the best times of my life. | ||
| Then, you know, so for the longest time I'm like, I fucking, caviar is my favorite fucking food and this is the greatest thing in the world. | ||
| Then I was shooting in Iran. | ||
| So I'm going to Iran where the best caviar comes from now. | ||
| And in my hotel room, sorry, in my hotel in Iran, the only hotel foreigners can stay in, they sell caviar in the lobby. | ||
| So I'm sitting there in the lobby and I go, fuck Yeah, I love caviar. | ||
| That's my favorite shit now, man. | ||
| So I go and I buy the caviar, right, in the store. | ||
| It's like the best, I don't know, I bought like $10,000 worth of caviar for $100 or some shit. | ||
| So I get it, and I go upstairs, but they don't have no booze, right, because it's Iran. | ||
| So I have like orange Fanta and some chips in this caviar, and I'm like, this is just fucking salty, fucking fish egg. | ||
| Tastes like shit? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What the fuck is this? | |
| Does it only taste good when you're drunk? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well, I think this is the whole question that I have. | |
| Is that like when you have a big fucking fat old steak with a good glass of red wine, how much of it is the fucking red wine and how much of it is the steak? | ||
| When you have your linguine and clams with a nice fucking crisp fucking white wine, how much of it is... | ||
| I don't drink white wine. | ||
| How much is the fucking, is the talk and the thing around? | ||
| Like you said, meal with your family. | ||
| How much of that is with the family and with the thing? | ||
| And then, so when I was sitting up there in this fucking shitty fucking hotel room in Iran eating this shit... | ||
| You know, caviar with Fanta. | ||
| I'm like, actually, I probably just enjoyed the fucking evening. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know, I enjoyed the people and the craziness and the fucking vodka and the caviar and the fact that I hadn't had it before and everything went fucking apeshit and all that stuff. | ||
| Not apeshit. | ||
| I shouldn't say apeshit. | ||
| It was a very fucking transformative evening. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And then when I just had the straight-up caviar, you're like, man, I don't care about this shit. | ||
| That's so funny. | ||
| What a contrast. | ||
| Yeah, and so when I was asking you the question, because we were talking about food, and you were saying, like, you know, if you have a bad back, you shouldn't eat the pasta. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm like, you know what? | |
| Fuck, I love fucking pasta. | ||
| No, what I was saying is that this chiropractor that I was talking to over the weekend, she was explaining to me the influence of certain wheats and glutens. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And how it inflames tissue and that you can get a substantial anti-inflammatory response by just cutting weed out of your diet. | ||
| I agree with you that there's a pleasure to eating that I think is super important. | ||
| There's a pleasure to eating and a pleasure to drinking. | ||
| Could I smoke weed and not drink? | ||
| Because I would take that. | ||
| That's the problem. | ||
| No, you're not allowed. | ||
| For me, weed is like, that's the one that really made a big difference. | ||
| I think alcohol has played a good part in a lot of positive aspects of my life as far as joyful evenings and having fun with friends and telling them that you love them and hugging them and even whatever romantic altercations. | ||
| Not with the boys, though. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, girls, bro! | |
| Cut the shit, Brian! | ||
| But as far as what transformed me as a human being, though, marijuana is more important. | ||
| Marijuana was, to me, almost like a missing piece to my conceptual puzzle of how I interfaced with nature and with the world. | ||
| I was like, why am I so goddamn agro? | ||
| And then all of a sudden, I find weed, and I was like, boom. | ||
| I know a lot. | ||
| For me actually, booze was my savior because I was hanging out with a lot of dudes who were doing some serious bad drugs. | ||
| And my whole thing was, I don't want to be 60 years old So I always have this, my idyllic sort of retirement, which I'm trying to get to sooner rather than later now, is just like this sort of forgotten little cove. | ||
| Can I be your neighbor? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Can we chip in for Wi-Fi and solar? | ||
| I'm sitting there at the school. | ||
| I'm going to send you this article of this dude. | ||
| How old are your kids? | ||
| Three and one and a half. | ||
| Dude, I got a four and a fucking two. | ||
| Let's have a party. | ||
| Date night. | ||
| How old are you? | ||
| Are you boys or girls? | ||
| Girls. | ||
| Okay, we got a big lesbian super slumber party. | ||
| I'm going to send you this article. | ||
| It's a fantastic article about a dude. | ||
| Who was diagnosed with lymphonic cancer, like the worst cancer you can ever... | ||
| And he was a Greek dude. | ||
| He grew up in America, but like, you know, came here when he was three or some shit. | ||
| So he goes back to Greece to this little island in the middle of nowhere, and he has to walk up this hill every day. | ||
| He goes to talk to his buddies, drinking the wine, he's eating the food from wherever. | ||
| And all of a sudden, like five years... | ||
| He was given like six months to live or whatever. | ||
| Not even six weeks to live. | ||
| And they said, you know, what the fuck happened? | ||
| You didn't die. | ||
| And he goes, you know, I came here and I forgot to die. | ||
| Because... | ||
| You know, he's sitting there and there's no stress and he's walking up the hill every day and he's drinking wine with his buddies and he's eating the fish from the bay and the fucking whatever. | ||
| And I sit there and I say, you know, now I'm looking at this shit. | ||
| So my idyllic retirement is basically I'm stealing this guy who killed cancer by living this euphoric life of I live on this little cove and I'm drinking my wine and I'm sitting out there and I'm just blissing out on reality. | ||
| Now, that's why I didn't get hooked to heroin. | ||
| That's why I didn't get hooked to fucking crack. | ||
| That's why I didn't get hooked to all the shit that my boys got hooked to because I always thought to myself, if I fucking get hooked to this shit, I'm going to have to A, die, or B, fucking quit it. | ||
| And if I quit it, guess what? | ||
| I'm never going to be able to sit on that fucking cove with my glass of fucking wine sitting out there and being this blissful old Buddha dude, right? | ||
| So for me, that was booze. | ||
| But I will say this. | ||
| We were just in Jamaica filming the Snoop stuff over New Year's and Snoop Lion and we were in this place. | ||
| Snoop Lion, I love how you went with that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's the best. | |
| I like how you went with that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's the greatest guy. | |
| One of the greatest guys on the road, right? | ||
| Ever. | ||
| He's one of the best guys. | ||
| And by the way, now more than ever. | ||
| Because that shit's been through shit. | ||
| That guy's been through shit we don't even fucking understand. | ||
| Oh yeah. | ||
| But anyways, you know, so we were filming down there, and I was in Jamaica, and, you know, generally I don't smoke a lot of weed. | ||
| I was smoking every day. | ||
| I was drinking rum every day, smoking every day. | ||
| I gotta tell you, I felt like God was touching me in my head. | ||
| I was like, I felt fucking spiritually fucking... | ||
| You know what you've got to start doing? | ||
| Eating it. | ||
| When you eat it, that's when you really get into that sort of psychedelic love state. | ||
| It's very feminine. | ||
| It's a very feminine, sensitive state. | ||
| And a lot of people are afraid of that. | ||
| They're afraid that it's going to make you a pussy. | ||
| I'm not afraid of shit. | ||
| You're not afraid of shit. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| You're not afraid of shit. | ||
| I'm not afraid. | ||
| We're afraid of singles and fucking aliens. | ||
| I'm afraid of a lot of shit. | ||
| You know, people always give me, oh, are you afraid of fucking mountain lions? | ||
| And yeah, one ate my dog. | ||
| Yeah, you know, are you afraid of meteors? | ||
| Yeah, I watched some TV show. | ||
| But they come from the sky like goddamn torpedoes. | ||
| Yeah, I'm fucking scared of all that shit. | ||
| You're scared to die, Joe, that's why. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Not scared to die. | |
| I'm scared to get fucked up and suffer. | ||
| Listen, you're a happy guy, you have a good life, and you don't want to die. | ||
| My whole thing when I was a kid... | ||
| Well, when I was a kid, I thought I was going to die, so I didn't give a fuck. | ||
| I'd do anything because I'm going to die. | ||
| Who the fuck cares? | ||
| Why did you think you were going to die? | ||
| Because I was going to die. | ||
| I mean, you know, everybody I grew up with, you know, when I was a kid died because we were bad guys doing bad shit. | ||
| People die and all this stuff. | ||
| How bad were you guys? | ||
| Like, what did you do? | ||
| What's the worst thing? | ||
| Anybody who did? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I mean, everybody who does, like, blow farts on people? | |
| No, Brian... | ||
| So it's like, you know, look, you do some gang-y shit, you do... | ||
| Oh, gang-y shit. | ||
| But you're doing Canadian gang-y shit. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How bad can you... | |
| That's like going farts on people. | ||
| How bad can you be? | ||
| But no, you know, look, people get into junk. | ||
| It doesn't matter if it's... | ||
| By the way, this is a surprising thing. | ||
| Well, they get into everything, but, you know, generally the end result is... | ||
| Well, now it could be meth, but heroin... | ||
| And the thing is, even in shitty sort of nice Canada, people end up on jonk or they start doing more and more serious crimes. | ||
| And this is one of the reasons why my cove was my dream was because, you know, you have guys who are dying of heroin overdoses or guys who are going to prison for life or worse, getting killed. | ||
| And, you know, these are 17, 18, 19-year-old kids and you're sitting there saying... | ||
| That's the biggest tragedy is you never fucking live. | ||
| You're a teenager, you think you've fucking lived your life. | ||
| You haven't lived shit, you haven't done shit, you haven't seen shit. | ||
| And one of the reasons why I say I'm going to go out and I'm going to see shit and I'm going to do all this shit, whatever, is because I didn't fucking die. | ||
| But at a certain point you sit there and you say, look, you know and I know how hard life is. | ||
| We know fucking what good things are. | ||
| Or can be, right? | ||
| And can be. | ||
| And also, we realize there's a lot of people who didn't make it. | ||
| There's a lot of people who just, for one reason or another, they don't get to where you are. | ||
| And so that's why now, anyways, one of the reasons why I like coming here and having these discussions with you is, you can actually say, look, I've come to these fucking realizations... | ||
| And look, we're two guys who are saying, you know, we don't need to fucking fight. | ||
| We probably had fucking 100 fights between us. | ||
| I've had no street fights. | ||
| The last street fight I had, I was in high school. | ||
| It was a really quick alternation. | ||
| You're a smarter man than me. | ||
| I've avoided everything. | ||
| But I've had actual fights. | ||
| I've had like three kickboxing bouts. | ||
| I don't know how many Taekwondo fights, but there was a lot of them. | ||
| What I'm trying to get at is, when you see fights in Iraq, those fights are different fights. | ||
| Those fights are like they shoot you in the head fights. | ||
| So what I'm trying to say is, you know, you want to get to more of an understanding, and this is when I go back to, like, I don't give a fuck what people think about me, I don't give a fuck about other shit, because when you see it, you sit there and say, on this hand, this motherfucker got shot, or this guy got into heroin, or this guy got into this. | ||
| Now, to go back to this, this is very long-winded, but if you go back to it, what do I want to do? | ||
| I want to sit in the cove with my family, your family, hanging out, have a drink, enjoy myself. | ||
| I don't know how much food, although I'm a fat bastard, I don't know how much food is going to play into that, but I definitely want to be sitting there with that glass of wine, looking out at that cove and just going, I fucking made it. | ||
| And that's why I don't judge anybody, because I'll tell you what, everyone's trying to get through the day to get to their goddamn cove. | ||
| You're 100% right. | ||
| Yeah, right? | ||
| 100% right. | ||
| I agree with you so much, but we live in a beautiful world where you don't have to choose between the food and the booze. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ha! | |
| And I'll tell you what. | ||
| I'll tell you what. | ||
| What happened? | ||
| We do live, I gotta tell you, you know, we live in a fucking country where you can still, to this day, make your own shit happen. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Which most, and look, I'm an immigrant, but I made my shit happen in this country, and I gotta say it's the best country in the world. | ||
| And there's a lot of countries out there we don't realize how fucked up they are and how bad shit is there. | ||
| And we should fucking say, you know what? | ||
| You can do anything here in America, so you should. | ||
| You know, when you say that, it has so much more weight than the average person, including me saying it. | ||
| First of all, because you've been everywhere. | ||
| And second of all, because you came from another place. | ||
| You grew up in Canada. | ||
| So when you come over and you see this situation, there's no question this is not perfect. | ||
| And I think we all agree on it. | ||
| But it's fucking fantastic. | ||
| It's better. | ||
| It's better than it's ever been. | ||
| What we're doing right now is we're figuring life out. | ||
| And we still have a lot of old standards and old traditions and old things that we abide by that don't make any sense and they trip us up. | ||
| We step on our own dicks. | ||
| But I think ultimately... | ||
| We're moving forward in a direction of progress. | ||
| As much as people like to be cynical about the possibilities of the future, I think just where we are today in this country, despite the eroding civil liberties, all that, that's all good on paper, but the reality of the progression of information through the internet is we're taking the world to a different place right now. | ||
| It's not cynical to criticize. | ||
| It's not. | ||
| You're right. | ||
| And you know what? | ||
| America and democracy was based on honesty and being critical and being allowed to be critical because you couldn't say, fuck the aristocrats, fuck the king and all that shit. | ||
| They cut your head off. | ||
| So democracy is based on people like us sitting there going, you know what? | ||
| The political system isn't right. | ||
| And guess what? | ||
| The political system will not change unless motherfuckers like us and everybody listening to this fucking podcast Do something about it. | ||
| And that's what America is. | ||
| You're right, 100%. | ||
| But more importantly, the people who are in the positions of power, it must be reinforced that we are all living in this temporary state. | ||
| And to make the most of your temporary state... | ||
| You can enjoy the bounty of your work and the fruits of your labor and the overwhelming affluence that you get from having successfully figured out capitalism. | ||
| But it's possible to do that in a way where you don't fuck people over and you promote freedom and love. | ||
| In fact, you have to. | ||
| And if you did, you would be more happy and more successful. | ||
| In fact, you have to. | ||
| You know, I'm going to tell just one quick story, but I was hanging out with a guy who inspired the shit out of me. | ||
| And he was the president of the Maldives. | ||
| It was a 35-year dictatorship there. | ||
| He got elected against all odds and he did all this shit like underwater cabinet meetings and stuff to bring awareness to global warming because his country is sinking. | ||
| And so he was going to buy land in Australia or Sri Lanka or India because he's not going to have a country anymore. | ||
| And then they ousted him, and he has this flotilla going around the Maldives, which is actually like the size of Europe, but like islands. | ||
| So he's on these fishing boats, and I went on these fishing boats with this guy. | ||
| He's called the Mandela of the Maldives, because he's been in jail most of his life. | ||
| I was hanging out with this dude, and one of the interesting things that this guy was doing is he was just saying, look, you have to take individual control. | ||
| You have to say, look, unless we do it, unless we as a community fucking say no to this shit, it's going to continue. | ||
| Because people don't want it to fucking change. | ||
| Right. | ||
| They just don't want it to change. | ||
| Even in America, they don't want it to change. | ||
| But the thing is... | ||
| Do you think that people don't want it to change or they don't want to upset their reality? | ||
| I'll tell you. | ||
| So this is my second point is, you know, for the people, of the people, by the people. | ||
| And you sit there and say, the people... | ||
| This is the country, the first country, that was set up not for the aristocracy but for the people. | ||
| And the thing is, I think that was forgotten because if you actually look at the people and what the people want and what the people can do, people want a good life, but they're willing to say, you know what, fuck, I don't want to fucking have, you know, all this garbage or whatever the fucking radiation is. | ||
| I don't want to have this, you know, threat of nuclear war and all these things. | ||
| If you look at, actually, if you talk to regular people, people are sane, people are good. | ||
| Actually, when you were talking about it, people actually, if you hang out with your neighbors, people are inherently good. | ||
| People are inherently fucking nice. | ||
| Yet, all this fucking bad shit happens, right? | ||
| And you're saying, why does that bad shit happen? | ||
| Because people let it happen. | ||
| Is it because people let it happen? | ||
| Not necessarily, because someone has to be initiating it. | ||
| I mean, someone has to be willing to take it to a hard place. | ||
| I lost the train of my thought because you guys are doing some weird shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I was wondering what you were doing. | |
| I don't know what you were doing over there. | ||
| Listen, there was a roach that I left on the table. | ||
| I was trying to figure out where it was put. | ||
| I was getting into some deep shit that I found. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| I'm sorry. | ||
| I really apologize. | ||
| I'm sorry. | ||
| I didn't mean to distract you. | ||
| I thought you could keep your train of thought. | ||
| I couldn't. | ||
| I'm a visual. | ||
| I'm a visual guy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
This place totally has roaches. | |
| It's an old building. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| There's bugs here. | ||
| I think it's a moth ate my sweater. | ||
| I'm sorry. | ||
| I'm sorry. | ||
| So what was your point? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Just scared of roaches. | |
| What I will say is that I think... | ||
| This fucking place is haunted. | ||
| I think because of where we are with the transference of information like we're doing with Vice or like you're doing with your podcast... | ||
| We're not doing shit. | ||
| You are. | ||
| I just want to tell you that right now. | ||
| You are. | ||
| If the government is willing to arrest people... | ||
| But that information gets out. | ||
| I gotta say, information does get out. | ||
| WikiLeaks, this, that, the other thing. | ||
| Information gets out now. | ||
| And by the way, that's what's keeping governments in check because mainstream media is not keeping fucking governments in check, which is their fucking job and they're not doing it. | ||
| It's really interesting you just brought that up because I was reading on Vice about the Bradley Manning testimony that you guys have released. | ||
| What's going on with that? | ||
| What is that? | ||
| Explain that. | ||
| Well, I think, look, the thing that we're looking at is how much of media is actually... | ||
| So we actually did this story on Iraq recently that is the thermobaric weapons that were destroying... | ||
| So if you have to do house... | ||
| I'm doing it again. | ||
| It's like a pantomime over here. | ||
| This motherfucker touched my head with a ghost. | ||
| It's a pantomime. | ||
| Brian snuck out behind me. | ||
| He's very childish. | ||
| If you look at what happened in Iraq, they had these thermobaric weapons. | ||
| What's a thermobaric weapon? | ||
| If you have to do house-to-house fighting, which traditionally is the worst fighting you can do, right? | ||
| Very difficult. | ||
| They have this weapon where they can, it's called a SMA-ME, and what happens is they shoot it into a building. | ||
| And it does a heat blast which sort of takes all the oxygen out so it kills you right away. | ||
| And then it has this massive heat blast and then it implodes the house. | ||
| The problem is it's suspected that this is a thermobaric weapon that's made from depleted uranium so what happens is all that dust that goes out there becomes radioactive or chemically laden. | ||
| And that possibly is responsible for the first Gulf War Syndrome that no one really sort of figured out exactly... | ||
| Correct. | ||
| And this huge increase in rare cancers and... | ||
| Amongst veterans. | ||
| Well, amongst veterans and also... | ||
| And locals, yeah, the people who are living there. | ||
| And so, you know, you have these sort of incredibly bad... | ||
| I don't even know what the fuck's going on. | ||
| I'm just telling him no more weed. | ||
| I'm saying get away from me with the devil weed. | ||
| The devil's cabbage. | ||
| Sorry. | ||
| Keep going. | ||
| I've forgotten where I was. | ||
| Do you remember what he was talking about? | ||
| This is really devolving. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We don't normally drink on a podcast. | |
| Oh, sorry. | ||
| I'm having a great time. | ||
| I don't know what I'm talking about anymore, but I'm having a great time. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It doesn't matter. | |
| At the end of the day, here's what matters. | ||
| Here's what you are saying. | ||
| What you are saying is that you are seeing the best and the worst aspects of humanity. | ||
| And you truly are seeing this. | ||
| Oh, that's what I was going to say. | ||
| Is that these thermobaric weapons have done these things in Iraq, and you know what I'll tell you what? | ||
| No one would have ever reported on that before. | ||
| Why? | ||
| Because you couldn't. | ||
| There weren't the actual tools to do that. | ||
| And for example, us just having this discussion today and what we're talking about, Like, it didn't exist before. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Because if you were, you know, the Washington Post, even though they, you know, Deep Throat and Nixon and all this business, you know, because of your proximity to the Pentagon, you can't lose your fucking seat at the fucking White House table. | ||
| They'll tell you whatever. | ||
| Now we can sit here and say, okay, those thermobaric weapons... | ||
| By the way, the story was broken by a Marine. | ||
| Ross Caputi, who's a Marine who fought in Fallujah, who saw the thermobaric weapons, The Marine broke the story and said, by the way, this is what the fuck was going on. | ||
| And I'm breaking this story because I saw what happened in Fallujah. | ||
| This is a fucking Marine who's saying this. | ||
| And you sit there and you say, because of the fucking movement of information, and by the way, we're on the cusp of this, me and you, as we sit here and have a few drinks, this is why, this is why you have to be honest. | ||
| So to go back to the story, now I've realized it, if you look at WikiLeaks and you say, okay, Is WikiLeaks good or bad? | ||
| I believe that the freedom of information is imperative to democracy. | ||
| Unless you have transparency, unless you have accountancy, unless you have people who... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Accountability. | |
| Accountability, not accountancy. | ||
| Accountability. | ||
| Unless you have people who are going to be held accountable for what the fuck they do, then it's not democracy. | ||
| Then there's no difference between us. | ||
| Here's what I think about Bradley, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Go. | |
| This is the number one most important thing. | ||
| There's no way they should have put that guy in solitary confinement... | ||
| There's no way they should have isolated that guy from the rest of the world. | ||
| There's no way they should have made that guy feel like he was going insane because he longed for the human touch and he knew that he was being punished for releasing information. | ||
| That's inhuman and that's unnecessary with A government that doesn't have anything to prove. | ||
| If a government is being honest and is not hiding anything, it doesn't need to take a guy like Bradley Manning and put him in some horrifying state of detention where he has no rights. | ||
| There's no need for any just and loving government to treat any of its citizens like that. | ||
| But let's be honest. | ||
| Our government is not I understand that, but that to their own self, there's no benefit in behaving the way they're behaving. | ||
| And that's what needs to be reinforced, is that I think they have this idea, or I don't say they as in like some conspiratorial overlord. | ||
| We're all in it together. | ||
| What I think some people who are scared of losing their position of dominance, what they're afraid of is they're afraid that people are going to understand what's going on and they're going to take over and they're going to lock them up and they're going to isolate them from... | ||
| I've actually, you know, I said something in this podcast one time when I said, if you ever go to a war zone, I can't remember exactly, but I said, you cry, and then you puke, and then you freak the fuck out. | ||
| And I had so many people respond to that, and they were, by and large, I would say about 98% ex-military. | ||
| Because if you talk to the people who go to these things, they're like, oh fuck, I didn't know what the fuck I was getting into when I signed up for this fucking shit. | ||
| I did not have a fucking clue. | ||
| And you look at that and you say, okay, before we go to war, before a government sends people to war, before Dick Cheney sends people to war, saying that Al-Qaeda is being sponsored by Iraq, or Iraq is having weapons of mass destruction and all that, All of which is completely made up. | ||
| And by the way, made up by the government that the mainstream media then said, and by the way, everybody who had half a brain knew that fucking the secular state of the Ba'ath party was totally against Al-Qaeda. | ||
| There's no way Al-Qaeda was doing anything, but 9-11 was the fucking, you know, the sort of carte blanche to go in. | ||
| Guess what? | ||
| These motherfuckers lost their lives, they lost their limbs, they're fucking, you know, pissing out of fucking catheter bags now. | ||
| When I first saw a battlefield, I fucking cried my eyes out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What was the first battlefield you saw? | |
| The first real one was Afghanistan. | ||
| What did you say? | ||
| Wait, never mind. | ||
| Afghanistan. | ||
| Where were you? | ||
| In Kunar province on the Pakistani border. | ||
| And when you see it, you just go, okay, this is the worst shit I've ever fucking seen in my whole life. | ||
| What did you say? | ||
| If you want to get into it, there's guts coming out of cavities. | ||
| There's hands. | ||
| There's severed heads. | ||
| The bodies are not human beings anymore. | ||
| It's like cow parts or some shit. | ||
| There's blood running into rivers. | ||
| But the dead people aren't so bad. | ||
| It's the wounded. | ||
| Because these fuckers aren't going to walk again. | ||
| They're going to be shitting out of a bag. | ||
| They're young kids. | ||
| And this is the other thing I say. | ||
| We're sitting here debating, well, my cove with my red wine, or would you have a steak, or would you have a glass of booze? | ||
| These fucking kids, they're never going to be normal again. | ||
| And you sit there, and by the way, I'm not saying you can't police the world, and I'm not saying that there aren't bad people out there that have to be bucked out. | ||
| But I am saying, if you do that, you better fucking be cognizant of the fact that when you're sending our best and our brightest and our fucking nicest fucking kids out there, that they're going to be coming home with no legs and no arms and shit out of their fucking bag. | ||
| Unless we realize that, then we should never go to fucking war. | ||
| Having seen that is a perspective that very few people... | ||
| A lot of people in the military know it. | ||
| And people in the military are coming back and it fucks them up so much, they cannot re-enter into fucking society. | ||
| Because when you see that shit, it fucks your fucking wiring up. | ||
| I think we're still operating under this behavior pattern that was established before the kind of communication and understanding that we enjoy now exists. | ||
| That's exactly my point. | ||
| And my point is... | ||
| Is to say, guess what? | ||
| We're not sitting here saying, don't go to war, don't go to war. | ||
| What we're sitting here saying, this is what happens when you go to war. | ||
| You see the guys. | ||
| A lot of the guys in the MMA came out of the military. | ||
| I met a kid that had been pronounced dead. | ||
| It was multiple times. | ||
| I mean, this guy, his friend was trying to explain to me the amount of times this kid had been pronounced dead and brought back to life and that it was unbelievable and the amount of courage that he had shown. | ||
| Apparently it jumped on a grenade. | ||
| And it was an intense, intense, intense conversation. | ||
| And all I could think of was this guy unquestionably was a hero from a Joseph Campbell story. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| What's exhibited in a true hero is beyond ideology, beyond politics and political influence, and beyond special interest groups. | ||
| What he exhibited is the thing that we aspire to the most. | ||
| The person who's willing to literally sacrifice their own being for the health and the welfare of the whole. | ||
| He was willing to dive on a grenade for the rest of his crew. | ||
| I mean, that's an incredibly... | ||
| An incredibly honorable human being. | ||
| Well, we have heroes. | ||
| We have real, straight-up heroes. | ||
| But the whole thing is, you know what? | ||
| I don't want to send our heroes, or I don't think anyone in the world should send their heroes to fight a war that isn't philosophically correct, that isn't backable. | ||
| Very true. | ||
| And I think true heroes, the real heroes, should be guiding the rest of the heroes. | ||
| We should figure out a way to make people who understand what warfare is truly all about. | ||
| The people who went and fought should be the fucking voices that we hear about next time we go and fight. | ||
| Because they're the motherfuckers that know what fucking time it is. | ||
| And guess what? | ||
| No one listens to them. | ||
| And I'm going to tell you one thing about this podcast, is whenever I say, you know what, I fucking saw that shit and it was bad, the response I get from people who have been there, they're like, exactly, exactly, exactly. | ||
| And I agree with you 100%. | ||
| If we're going to go to war, then we should listen to our fucking veterans, because it is not... | ||
| Fucking pretty. | ||
| And the people who make the decisions to go to war are not the people that ever have to go fight those fucking wars. | ||
| Those are the only people that are going to understand that reality. | ||
| That reality is so extreme that it can be sort of justified and glamorized and glossed over in a fictional sense by people who have never experienced it under the threat of their own life expiring. | ||
| And that's the reality that those people have experienced, that No one who can make their decision from an air-conditioned room with a custom-designed suit should ever be allowed to do. | ||
| The only people that are going to understand that reality are the people that have experienced that reality. | ||
| And as a whole, as an organism that respects itself and wants itself to evolve, we should all collectively get together and say this is completely unnecessary for what we're all looking for. | ||
| And what we're all looking for is happiness. | ||
| And we can all compete. | ||
| And all of these needs to accomplish and conquer can all be satisfied in a very ethical way. | ||
| Like this idea that we have to continue the Genghis Khan way is nonsense. | ||
| And if there is a war, the people who are making that decision have to understand and have to talk to the people who have previously been there. | ||
| Because if you talk to anybody who's gone to Vietnam, if you talk to anyone who went to fucking Korea during the Korean War, if you talk to anybody from World War II, World War I, Afghanistan, Iraq, Bosnia, anywhere, they'll say, don't fucking do it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Do not fucking, fucking do it. | ||
| Because it's fucking bad. | ||
| It's really fucking bad. | ||
| Now, are there bad people there? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Of course. | |
| Are there bad fucking motherfuckers out there? | ||
| Is North Korea fucking crazy? | ||
| Fuck yeah. | ||
| Do you have to buck them down? | ||
| Of course. | ||
| You've got to give them hugs. | ||
| They need all hugs. | ||
| The North Korea needs the most hugs out of anybody ever. | ||
| They need someone to take them and give them hugs and say, listen, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's going down right now, by the way. | |
| It is going down right now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's going to be like any day now you're going to see. | |
| I'm telling you, North Korea, if you listen to me, please. | ||
| I know this sounds crazy, but you've already accepted Dennis Rodman, so I know you're over the deal. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He listens. | |
| Kim listens. | ||
| You know, Kim Jong, whatever your name is, sir, love, God, I'll call you God. | ||
| He's Monkey Todd on Twitter. | ||
| Everybody knows, everybody knows that you need a hug, okay? | ||
| You know, I know, we all know. | ||
| Let's accept that. | ||
| You're the dominant ruler of your situation, but you shouldn't be because you would be way happier if you weren't. | ||
| You'd be way happier if you let all those people go. | ||
| You'd be way happier if you released all those political prisoners and slaves and whatever the fuck you've got going on there with your wacky laws and the people that were in prison because they didn't cry long enough after your dad died. | ||
| If everybody was let out and everybody said, alright, settle the fuck down. | ||
| Let's vote on this shit. | ||
| Let's be cool with each other. | ||
| Let's be nice to each other. | ||
| And the dominant person, the dominant ideas, the most accepted ideology will pretty much always rise to the top. | ||
| And the exceptional people that can influence the groups, as long as they're doing it in an ethical way, and as long as they're truly trying to advance their culture, good. | ||
| But they all need to have a certain amount of... | ||
| Of reality in their own head and a certain amount of humility in their own head and a certain amount of experiences with dark situations or bad moments in life or understanding of failure or psychedelic experiences or whatever the fuck it is. | ||
| I would say for the first time, and maybe I'm being naive, but I would say for the first time in history, because of the internet and the freedom of movement of information, that you have this young population, Huge, massive, global, young population that most obviously is causing change in Arab Spring. | ||
| In these countries where Gaddafi was never going to fucking leave. | ||
| Mubarak was never going to leave. | ||
| And forcing change in there. | ||
| Forcing change in Europe. | ||
| Because young people are pissed off. | ||
| They're unhappy. | ||
| They're poor. | ||
| They're broke. | ||
| They don't have a lot of opportunities. | ||
| And they're sitting there saying, we're going to force change. | ||
| I think that that change is coming to Asia. | ||
| I think that change is a global phenomenon. | ||
| The world economic crisis has forced us to wake up. | ||
| We're saying there's a lot of young people out there and they're fucking pissed off and they're going to fuck shit up. | ||
| And they're either going to fuck shit up in a good way. | ||
| And by the way, I think Arab Spring is a positive thing. | ||
| There's going to be an implosion in Europe if it hasn't already happened and we're just seeing the aftershocks. | ||
| There's even shit happening here in America. | ||
| Which, by the way, I'm not afraid of because I like change. | ||
| I like things to be de-stratified. | ||
| Because I don't think America, if you look at right now what's happening in Congress, I think America's political system, the America, the political system in America, is broken. | ||
| Because you have Congress just fighting each other over things that are detrimental to what's going on. | ||
| They all need mushrooms. | ||
| They do. | ||
| They need mushrooms. | ||
| Everyone does. | ||
| It sounds like nonsense. | ||
| Somebody needs to force them to say, hey, yo, you have to fucking work together for the betterment of this country. | ||
| And the only way to do that is to take ayahuasca. | ||
| Because what they're doing is they're working against each other and they're fucking... | ||
| You should have. | ||
| Salvia Divinorum is legal in 36 states. | ||
| Do it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm resetting. | |
| I'm resetting Friday. | ||
| Get a Motel 6 and a bong and let's get this party started. | ||
| All you need is one of those butane lighters. | ||
| You've got to heat it to a certain temperature. | ||
| Shane, do you know anything about dolphins? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Because I'm swimming with one Saturday and I can't wait. | |
| Can I tell you something? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| I'm going to tell you the truth. | ||
|
unidentified
|
All right. | |
| So, I went down to this dude, which I'm not allowed to talk too much about, but I'm going to just say his name. | ||
| Johnny Pagazzi's Island in Panama. | ||
| And I was on a boat. | ||
| That guy's going to get some email. | ||
| I was on a boat, and I went to a super pod. | ||
| Have you ever heard? | ||
| I've heard of those recently, right? | ||
| So, I was on a super pod with 3,000 dolphins, right? | ||
| 3,000 dolphins. | ||
| 3,000? | ||
| $3,000. | ||
| Did you hear about that in Mexico? | ||
| It's an orgy. | ||
| I saw it on Craigslist. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hey, easy. | |
| Okay, so what happened is they gave me, you know what a CBOB is? | ||
| It's like a James Bond motherfucking thing. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| It's like a little jet engine that you can keep up with them. | ||
| Because they don't like you if you can't keep up with them. | ||
| Seriously. | ||
| Well, they need to fucking get over that shit. | ||
| Judgmental pitches. | ||
| Anyway, so I had this C-Bob. | ||
| Were you born with that fin or is that some shit you earned? | ||
| I was going on my C-Bob and I was going with the Superpod. | ||
| There's three thousand... | ||
| This is what... | ||
| I got shit on because they shit a lot. | ||
| I got pissed on. | ||
| I got come on. | ||
| I saw a baby dolphin being born. | ||
| There was orgies. | ||
| Okay, stop right there. | ||
| Which one of those got you the most hard? | ||
| No, but I gotta tell you what happened. | ||
| So I was on the Seabob thing, and then eventually, because the Seabob fucking ran out of batteries, I was holding on to the side of the boat with my thing, you know, snorkel and my mask. | ||
| And that's when all the shitting and the pissing and the cumming happened. | ||
| I'm like, what? | ||
| Because they're all fucking all the time. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, that's right. | |
| They're fucking, like, continually. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm shaving my back for this side of it. | |
| Yeah, they just, they fuck, they fuck, they fuck, and they shit, and they piss. | ||
| And in a super pod, there's just all this matter. | ||
| There's all just kinds of bits of shit. | ||
| Shit and cum. | ||
| Just everywhere. | ||
| Do they just cum in the air? | ||
| This was me being shit, pissed, and cum on. | ||
| I was just going... | ||
| I was trying to talk to them. | ||
| Mating call, yes. | ||
| I was trying to talk to them through my snorkel. | ||
| Because they come close to you if you do. | ||
| They come straight up to you. | ||
| How do you know what you're saying, though? | ||
| What if you say fuck? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck! | |
| Don't let me tap out! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Joe, they have this shit on YouTube. | |
| These videos of all the mating calls. | ||
| I've been training for two weeks. | ||
| Don't get raped, man! | ||
| They'll come straight up to you. | ||
| What if a killer whale jumps the fence? | ||
| They'll come straight up to you. | ||
| They'll come within two inches. | ||
| They'll check you out. | ||
| They give you the eyeball. | ||
| They want to check you out. | ||
| These were spinners, and spinners are the most... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right, right. | |
| It's like crayons. | ||
| I wish that I could talk to a dolphin and talk them into a game of pool. | ||
| I saw more fucking... | ||
| In the super pod. | ||
| And by the way, I came out of that, the water. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He calmed out of it. | |
| I came out of the water covered. | ||
| Covered in shit, piss, and cum. | ||
| Yes! | ||
| Hold on. | ||
| And I've got to say, it was fucking awesome. | ||
| It was fucking awesome. | ||
| Because you're in the middle of, you're in the middle of, like they're doing some crazy shit in their society. | ||
| You don't understand what the fuck is. | ||
| They're all talking to each other. | ||
| They're all talking to each other. | ||
| What does it sound like? | ||
| There's, like, you can get down there. | ||
| Say it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's like a fucking Korean. | |
| Yeah, no, they're talking to each other. | ||
| How many dolphins are there? | ||
| In the Superpod, there was over 3,000. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Okay, there's 3,000 dolphins, and this is just a wild fuckfest? | ||
| Yes! | ||
| That's exactly what it is. | ||
| So you're down there. | ||
| You've got a scuba helmet on and all that bullshit. | ||
| I have a sea bob. | ||
| And it's basically just you in a wetsuit, right? | ||
| No wetsuit. | ||
| You're in a pod, right? | ||
| No, there's no pod. | ||
| You have a little engine that you push on the button like this. | ||
| There's a little tiny engine to keep you... | ||
| You can't swim as fast. | ||
| They can swim as fast as fuck. | ||
| But they do this. | ||
| The reason why they're called spinners... | ||
| They do this thing where they're having sexual talks and they spin up into the water. | ||
| So you see hundreds of dolphins spinning up in the air. | ||
| But when you go down into the water, there's thousands of the dolphins fucking and having babies and shitting and pissing and everything. | ||
| And they're actually just hanging out. | ||
| Before we came along and stole all the tilapia, I bet that shit was a bomb. | ||
| Party and a half. | ||
| I'll tell you what. | ||
| That's exactly what it is. | ||
| It's not tilapia, but tuna. | ||
| Tuna, whatever. | ||
| How long ago were dolphins have been in the same state for a million plus years? | ||
| Is that correct? | ||
| Yeah, and that's the interesting thing about it. | ||
| They have language. | ||
| They have social norms. | ||
| They have all this. | ||
| They have names for each other. | ||
| They have names for each other. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| All this shit. | ||
| Their cerebral cortex is 40% larger than a human being. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The hottest dolphin is actually the pink dolphin. | |
| It's the rarest one. | ||
| So that's like the Japanese girl with the big tits. | ||
| That's the Angelina Jolie. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I think that's Brazilian. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The dolphin's got some big ass tits. | |
| Is that a saltwater or a freshwater dolphin? | ||
| I think pink is Brazil, right? | ||
| Yeah, of course. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They have the biggest ass. | |
| They have the biggest ass. | ||
| Look at these asses on these dolphins. | ||
| But I will say spinners are my particular favorite. | ||
| Well, spinners are what also dudes call 90-pound freaks. | ||
| I've never been happy until I was accepted by the spinner paw. | ||
| You've never been happy as a human? | ||
| That's ridiculous. | ||
| I finally have found out my... | ||
| Did you ever watch Saturday Night Live while you were on amphetamines? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Joe, I'm doing this Saturday. | |
| You know that, right? | ||
| Saturday, I'm swimming with the dolphins. | ||
| I will say it's fucking awesome. | ||
| Explain what you're doing. | ||
| It is fucking awesome. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They're putting me in... | |
| This guy has this pool about the size of your pool. | ||
| Like a regular swimming pool, but he has four dolphins that just shoves in there. | ||
| A backyard pool? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, and he has this yoga music on, and you just fucking swim naked around his back pool. | |
| Wow. | ||
| How long have these dolphins been in this pool? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know why. | |
| Is this some sort of porn? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, it's not in porn. | |
| I don't think it's porn. | ||
| I really don't think it's porn. | ||
| Because they get horny, you know that. | ||
| I know! | ||
| Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. | ||
| Where are you going to do this? | ||
|
unidentified
|
San Diego. | |
| That's a bit weird. | ||
| It's not a pool. | ||
| It's not like somebody's backyard. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's gonna give me his address when I get there. | |
| Oh my god, dude, you're getting raped. | ||
| Hold on, hold on. | ||
| Don't do that! | ||
| That sounds fucked up. | ||
| You need to talk to my lawyer. | ||
| What are you doing? | ||
| Are you out of your mind? | ||
| Listen to me. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He sent me video links that I've watched. | |
| For people at home going, how fucking big is Rogan's pool? | ||
| It is a totally normal backyard pool. | ||
| I don't have a crazy pool at all. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It seems a lot smaller than it should be, honestly. | |
| It's a regular pool. | ||
| If anybody has four dolphins in my pool, you're an asshole. | ||
| Okay? | ||
| You don't need to congregate with those type of humans. | ||
| I will say this. | ||
| I have some proclivities to play cards. | ||
| And I went to Atlantis to play some cards. | ||
| And I swam with the dolphins in Atlantis. | ||
| You know, you swim with them. | ||
| I had a good time. | ||
| They're nice dolphins. | ||
| Everybody's nice. | ||
| But I gotta tell you one thing. | ||
| When you go out when they're wild motherfuckers in the pods, they could fuck you up. | ||
| They could kill you, bite you, fuck you up in a second. | ||
| And you know what they want to do with you? | ||
| They want to play with you. | ||
| They want to talk to you. | ||
| They want to fucking hang out with you. | ||
| And then you realize, these are nice dolphins. | ||
| The sharks will fuck you up. | ||
| The sharks will get you and eat you. | ||
| They're looking for meat. | ||
| Well, they're the cleanup crew. | ||
| They don't kill dolphins, by the way. | ||
| By the way, dolphins eat meat. | ||
| Dolphins eat meat, the same as sharks do. | ||
| And dolphins will fuck a shark up. | ||
| But the dolphins, for some fucking reason, they have this weird affinity with humans. | ||
| They won't kill you. | ||
| They won't eat you. | ||
| They won't fuck you up. | ||
| They'll save you. | ||
| The sailors always say, you know, the fucking... | ||
| Dolphins don't have it together either. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Most dolphins do. | |
| I don't know. | ||
| Because I'll tell you one thing. | ||
| I swam around sharks and I was shit scared. | ||
| And when I was swimming around dolphins, I was not scared at all. | ||
| They were very nice to me. | ||
| They were very polite. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Very nice. | |
| They're like fucking massage parlors. | ||
| They're nice. | ||
| Settle down, bitches. | ||
| They don't have thumbs and they know we have guns. | ||
| It's that simple. | ||
| They don't have thumbs and they know we have guns. | ||
| They're not stupid. | ||
| What's going on here is that they realize that evolution has blessed them with the ability to move through their waters as if they were flying through the fucking sky like superheroes! | ||
| They don't have to breathe for minutes at a time. | ||
| They can always get to the surface unless some crafty Japanese dudes have manufactured some sort of a netting that traps them in the water. | ||
| I'd just like to say things have gotten real weird all of a sudden. | ||
| Not weird at all! | ||
| Don't get uncomfortable! | ||
| It's a life and death struggle. | ||
| And the reason why dolphins are as ruthless as they are is because life demands that at the top of the pyramid of fucking craziness. | ||
| You're a bit weirded out by dolphins. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No! | |
| No! | ||
| He is! | ||
| He's a bit weirded out. | ||
| He's going to like it! | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's married! | |
| He's a bit weirded out by a dolphin. | ||
| No, there's a bit that I wrote about something. | ||
| Dolphins and sinkholes. | ||
| We figured it out. | ||
| Dolphins and sinkholes. | ||
| What about bigfoot? | ||
| What about crocodiles? | ||
| What if there was a dolphin that became a werewolf? | ||
| Yeah, what about all that? | ||
| What about syphilis? | ||
| You're being rude. | ||
| You're being rude by eliminating a lot of my fears. | ||
| Sorry. | ||
| Or trying to categorize me as some sort of a normal meathead. | ||
| Joe, why don't we do podcasts like this every day? | ||
| We're not incapable of it. | ||
| I think also my question of food versus booze has been answered. | ||
| Thank you very much. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You're right. | |
| I haven't ate yet today. | ||
| I could take a cardboard sandwich with a good pause and that'd be fine. | ||
| Dude, I have not ate yet. | ||
| I'm not going to taste it anyway. | ||
| Have you ate yet today? | ||
| Yeah, I've eaten several times. | ||
| Oh my God, I haven't ate yet today. | ||
| I'm ready to kill a buffalo, bitch. | ||
| I'm ready to go to Aubrey's hunting camp and kill a buffalo. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Are you going to need that? | |
| Yeah, I need a lot of red meat, man. | ||
| It's very important. | ||
| It's imperative to keep my fucking fuel. | ||
| I thought the red meat was the inflammatory shit. | ||
| Nonsense! | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| The real issue. | ||
| No, it's the highest thing of cholesterol ever. | ||
| The real issue is, Brian... | ||
| What is that word? | ||
| Hey, I have to worry about you now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Brian, what's the word? | |
| Fart monkey. | ||
| Grass fed, bitch! | ||
| Battle ropes. | ||
| Real inflammation as far as animal tissue, there's a lot of it that's been correlated to cows eating corn. | ||
| My problem is I eat everything. | ||
| I love it to eat. | ||
| I love eating food. | ||
| I love drinking food. | ||
| Here's the problem with corn-fed beef. | ||
| Goddamn delicious, okay? | ||
| A ribeye, a solid ribeye over mesquite charcoal. | ||
| You were talking about when you first saw Vice and you're like, I saw your Chernobyl shit. | ||
| The first Rogan podcast I ever heard was You know how much fucking shit it takes to make a skirt steak? | ||
| Or a strip steak. | ||
| A strip steak. | ||
| You were talking about a strip steak. | ||
| Maybe it was Anthony Bourdain, but it was somebody. | ||
| Probably. | ||
| You were talking about a strip steak, and you were saying, this fucking steak, they take it out of the whole cow, and this is the fucking thing, and you put it on the goddamn barbecue and whatever. | ||
| And I was sitting there, and I was like... | ||
| Why the fuck isn't he talking about a porterhouse? | ||
| Because the porterhouse has the strip and the filet. | ||
| Because you don't want to get crazy. | ||
| With the bone. | ||
| So it's got the best of both worlds. | ||
| It's like a she-mail. | ||
| Like what we're talking about. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The best of both worlds. | |
| It's got the filet and the strip. | ||
| You need a hug, son. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And the fucking bone. | |
| So anyways, the first podcast I ever heard was talking about steak, and that's when I fell in love with you. | ||
| Was it Anthony? | ||
| Oh, you fell in love? | ||
| That's sweet. | ||
| I'm glad it's mutual. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| This feels like the marathon, like three-hour podcast of steak, booze, and politics. | ||
| When I met Anthony Bourdain, he was one of the first guys. | ||
| I was like, I hope this guy likes me. | ||
| It would suck. | ||
| He's awesome. | ||
| I love him. | ||
| I love his shows. | ||
| He's awesome. | ||
| And what he's done is awesome. | ||
| Yes! | ||
| Well, who he is, he's so honest about his intentions. | ||
| But a guy who can take food and fucking make it into what he did. | ||
| Listen, let me tell you something about how committed Anthony is to food. | ||
| He takes this drug so that he can still eat pork. | ||
| He takes some sort of Lipitor or whatever the fuck it is. | ||
| I need that drug. | ||
| They literally said to him, you must change your diet. | ||
| You're traveling all over the world. | ||
| Because he's got too much cholesterol? | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Cholesterol-filled fatty foods. | ||
| Red wine, red wine. | ||
| You have to make a decision. | ||
| It's either Lipitor or it's no fatty foods. | ||
| You either take this drug. | ||
| So he takes the Lipitor. | ||
| So he takes the drug. | ||
| Yeah, fuck yeah. | ||
| He doesn't give a fuck. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck yeah. | |
| He's like, I want the pork. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I need it. | |
| Well, pork is the best. | ||
| Well, pork, because if you go to any country, beef generally sucks. | ||
| America, the beef is fantastic, but generally it sucks because beef needs a lot of, you know, grass and a lot of food and a lot of water. | ||
| So beef in most countries is shit. | ||
| But pork, like when you have pork from a third world country or yard birds, the best... | ||
| Yard bird? | ||
| Like a yard bird. | ||
| That's what I call those... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Never mind. | |
| Like a bird that lives in the yard. | ||
| Is that a pigeon? | ||
| No, chicken. | ||
| Chicken? | ||
| But they'll just like, let's say you go to Jamaica, right? | ||
| Right. | ||
| They have a yard bird. | ||
| They just go out and kill it. | ||
| They take it and they cover it in chili and they barbecue the fuck out of it. | ||
| Not jerk. | ||
| Everyone always talks about jerk chicken. | ||
| It's fucking barbecue chicken in Jamaica. | ||
| And it's the best fucking thing you ever eat. | ||
| Why? | ||
| Because it's just a yard bird. | ||
| It's just been eating the fucking shit, whatever. | ||
| Same thing when you go anywhere else. | ||
| Yeah, well you can, people don't realize that. | ||
| Like you can take like your scraps of your table scraps. | ||
| It's the same thing with pork. | ||
| Yeah, if you had a bunch of chickens, you can throw them in the backyard and they can live very well off of your scraps. | ||
| Yardbirds are the most delicious motherfuckers you'll ever have in your fucking life. | ||
| What we have here is some Purdue genetically modified bullshit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But if you ever have a yard bird just from anywhere, just put it on a grill, do whatever the fuck it is. | ||
| You sit there and you go, what the fuck am I eating? | ||
| This is the best thing I've ever eaten. | ||
| Let me ask you this because I have two inclinations. | ||
| And one inclination is to be in the woods on the top of a mountain with a well and experiencing nature. | ||
| And the other inclination is to be in the hive, to be deep inside of Manhattan. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I think you were on the mountain guy. | |
| Yes and no. | ||
| Where's the gravity coming from? | ||
| Is it coming from the masses of humanity who, although imperfect at the moment, might be trying harder to work shit out? | ||
| Or is it from this sort of reluctant... | ||
| Agreement that the earth is much more powerful than the culture at this point in time. | ||
| It's better to just isolate yourself from all these idiots who haven't gotten the information yet and get your own water from a hole in the ground. | ||
| I think, you know, again, that may be the quintessential question of the modern age. | ||
| But you're in both spots. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because you're in a guy, you live in Manhattan, you have children, so you're on that next level of sensitivity. | ||
| But also, I spend the majority of my time out there in the shit... | ||
| And I will tell you this, when you actually have something, like for example, like you said, if you kill a deer and you cook that on an open fire, nothing tastes better than that. | ||
| You're right. | ||
| However, the thing is, this might be my paranoia, you've got your sinkholes and your werewolves. | ||
| What I think is happening is there's a global restructuring happening. | ||
| There is a global restructuring happening. | ||
| The people are seeing their calling the greatest recession since the Depression. | ||
| They're saying, well, this is this and this is that. | ||
| I think this is the new normal. | ||
| So, to be honest, and I'm not necessarily proud of this, what I love about New York City is I kind of feel like Nero as Rome is burning because I believe New York City is the greatest city in the world. | ||
| I believe it's the capital of the world culturally and economically and politically, for that matter. | ||
| And, you know, when you go out in New York City, It has the best restaurants in the world. | ||
| It has the best nightlife in the world. | ||
| I believe it has the best everything in the world. | ||
| I'm a huge fan of New York City. | ||
| I'm not from New York City. | ||
| Here's the problem. | ||
| I'm not in New York, so I say wrong. | ||
| Well, it does, and so you can fuck off. | ||
| But what I will say is when you go out in New York City, right now, today, and it might be Shanghai in 10 years or whatever, but today, New York is the global capital. | ||
| And you can go out in New York City and you can, like me, come as a penniless immigrant and become a fucking rich motherfucker who can go out and have the greatest food. | ||
| And by the way, that food can be like a dollar. | ||
| Spring roll at the Vietnamese Bice or the best steak at Peter Luger's or whatever the fuck it is. | ||
| New York will give you everything. | ||
| New York has everything. | ||
| It's fantastic. | ||
| God damn it, I'm moving to New York! | ||
| Ryan, pack your bags! | ||
| No, I'm not going. | ||
| We got Blue Cross Blue Shields! | ||
| Jamie's with us! | ||
| But where are we going? | ||
| Where are we going? | ||
| Underground to a bunker with the crocodiles. | ||
| Where are we going is, and where do I feel the happiest is, I feel the happiest out in nature. | ||
| I feel the happiest at sea. | ||
| I feel the happiest in the forest. | ||
| I feel the happiest grilling meat over a grill. | ||
| You've got to bring Manhattan to the forest. | ||
| But what I will tell you is, I don't believe that the sort of Roman bacchanalian craziness that is New York today is going to be around that much longer. | ||
| Who is Roman bacchanalian? | ||
| Well, Roman, like the end of Rome, the Roman Empire, and Bacchanalian Bacchus, the sort of, the god of wine and drink and partying. | ||
| How obscure are your references? | ||
| Sorry. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know, it's like Bacchus. | |
| Who's Bacchus? | ||
| God of booze. | ||
| How do you know about these people? | ||
| I read books, bitch. | ||
| Okay, I understand this. | ||
| Bacchanalian, it means boozy. | ||
| It's been three times during this podcast that the MagSafe electrical cord connecting to my laptop has dropped off through my flailing hands. | ||
| That means it's a good'un. | ||
| Dude, you have a battery. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It lasts three hours. | |
| You don't have to worry about that. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| I'm upset with Apple. | ||
| Why did you change? | ||
| This shit's 100% charged right now. | ||
| They change their charges all the time. | ||
| Stop playing games. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, it's the best right now. | |
| It's the best. | ||
| I finally, at 45 years of age, am a part of an actual company that sells things. | ||
| And one of the things that I realize is you can decide to make more money, you fucks. | ||
| Are you peeing? | ||
| No, no. | ||
| But, hey... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ice-T. Ice-T the rapper? | |
| No, he wants Ice-T. Oh, okay. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| We never came up with Olive Garden. | ||
| No, Olive Garden. | ||
| Just keep the camera off my man as he meditates into a trance. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That means he has to snap one off. | |
| A transcendental meditation point where he understands the point of view that he is in right now does not represent where he will be in infinity. | ||
| If he is in fact a soul and if a soul transgresses from one point in history to another Over and over and over until you get it right. | ||
| Now this sounds like hippie bullshit, but do you understand that Helio Gracie believed in this? | ||
| Helio Gracie said something once, and if you don't know who he is, his real name isn't Helio Gracie. | ||
| I say that for all you white people who don't understand how Brazilian people pronounce things. | ||
| But they pronounce the... | ||
| for whatever reason... | ||
| Helio Gracie, H-E-L-I-O, was pronounced Ilio Gracie. | ||
| That's how the Portuguese in Brazil use that word. | ||
| Ilio Gracie. | ||
| He said something once, and he's the guy who trained Hickson Gracie and Hoist Gracie, the original winner of the UFC 1 and the UFC 2. I mean, Hoist Gracie changed the entire face of martial arts. | ||
| Wasn't he the dude who also said, I'll take on all comers, all weight classes... | ||
| And we'll pay 10 or 100 grand or whatever. | ||
| The number changes. | ||
| But he said, I'll take on any fighter, any weight class, and I'll fight them. | ||
| Not only did Ilio Gracie do this, he did this when he was 140 plus pounds. | ||
| He was like 145. He developed a method of using leverage and using technique to submit guys that were much, much, much larger than you. | ||
| He trained Hickson. | ||
| He trained Hoyce. | ||
| He trained some of the most influential martial artists in the history of the world. | ||
| One of the things he said is that you live this life and if you make even one mistake and you live this life incorrectly, you will return and you will do it all over again until you get it right. | ||
| That sounds crazy. | ||
| I heard about that, and I was like, oh, you motherfucker, why are you putting all that bullshit on me? | ||
| There's no way anybody's ever going to live this life perfectly and get it... | ||
| And then I thought, if anybody knows, if anybody understands the path of man in its truest form without hyperbole, without... | ||
| Directing other people's insecurities back on different folks to alleviate the pressure of reality. | ||
| If anybody's going to understand what the fuck is really going on, it's going to be a 145 pound man. | ||
| Who's willing to take on the greatest fighters. | ||
| Any fighter. | ||
| Any fighter. | ||
| Any style. | ||
| This is the 1920s. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The 1930s. | |
| Any weight. | ||
| Any fucking weight. | ||
| That's insane. | ||
| Kimura broke his arm with a Kimura. | ||
| It's a shoulder lock. | ||
| The catch wrestling guys call it a double wrist lock. | ||
| But this technique became known as a Kimura. | ||
| He broke his arm. | ||
| Ilia wouldn't tap out. | ||
| He let him break his arm. | ||
| Did you ever see the thing I did? | ||
| I went down to Sao Paulo and Rio and I hung out with the Gracies and I hung out with the fighters down there, the Vale Tudo guys. | ||
| They are the fucking toughest dudes in the fucking world. | ||
| The Vale Tudo guys are fucking enough. | ||
| It's a crazy way to live. | ||
| Now they're all fighting MMA. They're all fighting UFC. Well, they do that now because they realize there's prosperity in that. | ||
| Yeah, they can get out of the favelas. | ||
| But they are the toughest motherfuckers alive down there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| One of the most beautiful things about what Elio said, what Elio Gracie said, when he said that he would... | ||
| Like, that he literally had sort of figured out a way to test who you are and test what you could figure out and test what you could do. | ||
| And he truly believed in these most extreme of circumstances, literally fighting these much larger, much stronger men and letting them break his arms. | ||
| He believed that if you live this life, That you must do it correctly. | ||
| And if you did anything wrong, anything contrary to your spirit or contrary to the soul or the collective idea of humanity as a whole being of the utmost importance, so you, the one who is tested, must represent humanity. | ||
| And in that... | ||
| Saying that if you made any mistakes, you would do it again. | ||
| I was so scared. | ||
| When I read that, I was like, that might be one of the most frightening things I've ever read in my life. | ||
| Because he might be right. | ||
| What if that guy in his battles, literally almost to the death. | ||
| I mean, he was fighting guys. | ||
| With anybody. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah! | |
| The modern-day kumite blood sport. | ||
| And he was a small man! | ||
| Exactly, and he kicked the fuck out of everybody. | ||
| Dude, I weigh 190 pounds. | ||
| That means this guy, he was 145 pounds. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He was literally 45 pounds more than me. | |
| That's less than me. | ||
| That's an insane amount of weight. | ||
| And this guy would take... | ||
| I wouldn't take on anybody in the world. | ||
| He would take on big, giant people. | ||
| And in throwing himself into the fire, he had an understanding of human life and of human nature. | ||
| And he sort of, in some way, relayed that to the rest of us. | ||
| Can I give a shout-out and can I tell you one story? | ||
| Are you giving a shout-out? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Are you a black guy or a white rapper? | |
| Can I give a shout out? | ||
| What's happening here? | ||
| I would like to give a shout out to one guy who I met. | ||
| He's a guy named Matt Ruskin, right? | ||
| And he was in the Marines in Iraq. | ||
| And they had these fight clubs in Iraq. | ||
| And the Marines, these were tough motherfuckers. | ||
| And he was doing this. | ||
| They had these fight clubs. | ||
| And they would fight the fuck out of each other. | ||
| And he's like 200 pounds. | ||
| And he would fight guys who were 250. He would fight guys who were 150. He was fighting them. | ||
| He would beat them all. | ||
| And he came back and he started doing MMA. He started fighting MMA. And he hooked up with this guy, one of the Gracies, and taught him Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, of which he was, I believe, five-time world champion, the Gracie. | ||
| Which guy? | ||
| I'm forgetting his fucking name. | ||
| He's a fucking amazing, amazing guy. | ||
| His name is Gracie? | ||
| Yeah, he's Gracie. | ||
| And I went down to Brazil. | ||
| Hodger Gracie? | ||
| What weight does he compete at? | ||
| Heavyweight. | ||
| Heavyweight. | ||
| He was five-time world Brazilian jiu-jitsu champion. | ||
| Well, Hodger's not quite a heavyweight. | ||
| He competes in MMA at 185. I don't think he fights any more than MMA, but he was a Brazilian jiu-jitsu champion five times. | ||
| Global champion. | ||
| Anyway, Matt Ruskin hooked me up with this guy. | ||
| Do you remember his name at all? | ||
| See, Gracie. | ||
| That's the problem, goddammit. | ||
| But he's a big, big fucking heavyweight. | ||
| Heavyweight? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Heavyweight Gracie. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I went down, if you can look it up, I went down with him on, you know. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Shout out to Echo. | |
| Shout out to heavyweight Gracie. | ||
| Anyway, but I gotta say this, Matt Ruskin, the Marine fought in Iraq, came back, started fighting with the Gracies, took me down there, showed me what the fuck was going on, And I've got to say, you know, I learned the story of the Gracies from the Gracies when I was down there. | ||
| And that story of, you know, Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu and him sort of taking on all comers with the bounty, you know, like if you can beat me. | ||
| When I heard it was a million bucks, but I think it was actually more like a hundred grand. | ||
| What year is this? | ||
| This is in like the 70s and 80s. | ||
| This is like the Valley Tudo times. | ||
| Wait a minute. | ||
| A heavyweight Gracie from back then? | ||
| No, no. | ||
| Now, the Gracie that brought me down. | ||
| Hollis? | ||
| Was it Hollis Gracie? | ||
| No, Hollis Gracie is very famous. | ||
| Well, Hollis, the son of Hulse. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It's... | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| I'm going to get in shit for forgetting his name. | ||
| Well, that's okay. | ||
| Think about it for a second. | ||
| He's a real good looking guy. | ||
| He was a model. | ||
| Real good looking guy. | ||
| Hickson? | ||
| Pickson's the most handsome of all time and the greatest of all time. | ||
| No, this guy was actually a model in Brazil. | ||
| I'm not gay, bro. | ||
| And Matt Ruskin, if you could tweet me his name now. | ||
| His name is Gracie and he was a model? | ||
| Yeah, model and a great fighter. | ||
| Somebody lied to you and got in your pants. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Was this that structure at Sears? | |
| And five-time... | ||
| Global jujitsu champion. | ||
| We are now in a swamp of disinformation. | ||
| No, it's true. | ||
| No Wikipedia entries whatsoever. | ||
| If someone could tweet us right now. | ||
| Here's the problem. | ||
| We don't have an actual name here. | ||
| Let me tell you something. | ||
| I'm going to look at my phone. | ||
| Matt Ruskin, email me his name. | ||
| I'm sure Matt Ruskin has probably got a good gator roll, maybe an Anaconda choke, or Victor Gracie. | ||
| I'm going to look right now. | ||
| Victor Gracie? | ||
| Victor Gracie is pretty sexy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
A good half guard. | |
| He shaves. | ||
| This guy was more of a jiu-jitsu straight up. | ||
| Let me explain something. | ||
| Okay, first of all. | ||
| No bullshit. | ||
| I've been doing jiu-jitsu since 1998 and I've never heard of a Gracie heavyweight. | ||
| He seems like a Victor guy. | ||
| He's a heavyweight who won World Jiu-Jitsu Championship. | ||
| I understand. | ||
| Okay, go. | ||
| Hollis Gracie in MMA, who was... | ||
| He beat Bob Sapp. | ||
| I think he fought in the UFC once. | ||
| He lost, but I think it was more of a case of a... | ||
| When a guy immediately gets thrown into the UFC, there's a thing that happens called an adrenaline dump where you get in front of the big cameras and you think about the Hoist-Gracy fights of 1993 and you panic. | ||
| It's like the overwhelming input of the moment is too much. | ||
| Matt, how are you? | ||
| I'm here with Joe Rogan. | ||
| We're talking about the Gracies. | ||
| And I'm saying, who's the... | ||
| Daniel Gracie. | ||
| Daniel Gracie. | ||
| Daniel Gracie, world jiu-jitsu champion. | ||
| How many times? | ||
| Three times? | ||
| Yeah, so he's a global jiu-jitsu champion. | ||
| Daniel Gracie. | ||
| I'm going to put you on to Rogan. | ||
| Hold on a second. | ||
| Talk to him. | ||
| By the way, Matt Ruskin's a fucking awesome dude. | ||
| Hey, Matt. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hey, what's going on, man? | |
| How's everything? | ||
| Can you hear it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| What's up, Matt? | ||
| How do you know powerful Shane Smith from Vice.com? | ||
| All right. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Shane Smith walked into a fucking gym that I used to work at, and I basically told him he needed to lose weight because he was going to die. | |
| First of all, how rude. | ||
| How about... | ||
| Hey, settle down. | ||
| First of all, how about you tell him first and foremost that you love him? | ||
| You don't have to go right into your fat fuck and you're going to die. | ||
| He knows how much you love him? | ||
| You say that, but is that to alleviate the pressure of your own person? | ||
| It's true, though. | ||
| We love each other. | ||
| Oh, no gay stuff. | ||
| This is a late night podcast. | ||
| There's a lot of dudes that are listening to this in the shower. | ||
| I'm sorry. | ||
| Keep going. | ||
| Matt. | ||
| No gay stuff, bro. | ||
| This is late night. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So we just became friends after that and I did some work with advice before Fightland. | |
| They did this whole thing with me when I was training for one of my fights. | ||
| They sent their friend Thomas around with me for a while. | ||
| Tell them about when we went down with Daniel Gracie. | ||
| Daniel Gracie? | ||
| Here's the thing about Daniel Gracie. | ||
| Daniel Gracie is a very, very, very talented Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu fighter, but his real last name, I don't believe, was initially Gracie. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, he's Henzo's cousin. | |
| He's Henzo's cousin, yeah. | ||
| And I think his mom's name was Gracie, but his dad's name and his birth name was not Gracie, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I believe. | ||
| This is what I believe. | ||
| I believe he's a very talented fighter, but I believe this whole idea of connecting yourself to the word Gracie is... | ||
| It is ultimately very self-defeating. | ||
| And when a guy does that, I almost want to pull him aside. | ||
| I say, Daniel, you're a bad motherfucker. | ||
| Whatever the fuck your last name is, it doesn't matter. | ||
| You need to get your head wrapped around the fact that that's all bullshit. | ||
| Gracie is a great name, but it's 2013, and when he was competing 8, 9, 10, whatever the fuck it was, 2000... | ||
| It doesn't matter. | ||
| What matters is how good you are. | ||
| And adopting the name Gracie almost makes people think like, oh, well this guy is trying to get a little extra attention for no reason. | ||
| The world championships are the world championships. | ||
| You either mount a guy, you take his back, you tap him. | ||
| Whatever you do, you either do or you don't do. | ||
| And it doesn't matter if your name is Marcelo Garcia, who's unbelievably respected. | ||
| I mean, Marcel Garcia is the top of the pyramid when it comes to Brazilian Jiu Jitsu in the world today in 2013. Or Gracie, it doesn't matter. | ||
| So, whatever his name was, what was his real name? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I think the family name was Vieira or Samoes, one of the two. | |
| Matt, how many times have you been high in your life? | ||
| Don't lie to me. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How many times what? | |
| Have you been high in your life? | ||
| More than ten? | ||
| Is it more than ten? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| So we could probably go camping together. | ||
| How many times you ate in pot brownies and thought about chicks you fingered when you were 14? | ||
| You were really upset. | ||
| Like Kyra Gracie. | ||
| More than 10. More than 10. That's why I love talking to you, Matt. | ||
| Let's keep it together, Matt. | ||
| But there was a few guys that did the Gracie thing, where they used the word Gracie. | ||
| What I'm going to say is, Daniel Gracie, whatever you want to call him, what I'm going to say is, he's a bad motherfucker, but by the way, he took us around Brazil, he took us to the Valetudo gyms, he took us to the gyms, he took us with Matt, and I got to say, it was fucking, I got to say, you see a different level of shit down there than you will see anywhere else. | ||
| These guys train like motherfuckers. | ||
| Do you hear this, Matt, and do you agree with this? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I was in the Marine Corps, the Iraq in 04. We walked into the favela. | |
| We were in the complexion of the Alamal, which at the time was like the worst of the worst. | ||
| And we had to go ask the boss if we could come in here and film. | ||
| So the boss said, yeah, no problem. | ||
| Just don't film the kids with the guns. | ||
| And we're looking around. | ||
| We're like, what kids? | ||
| What guns? | ||
| We take a left turn down the street and I mean, it was just wall-to-wall 14-year-olds, 15-year-olds with, like, military-grade weapons. | ||
| I mean, you've got to picture the look. | ||
| It was, like, board shorts, flip-flops, you know, like a 1989 Luther Campbell, like, gold rope chain with a medallion, you know, side-to-side mount gold teeth, fucking, you know, collapsible stock M4 with an ACOG grenade launcher, the whole nine. | ||
| I mean, these kids were armed to the fucking teeth. | ||
| And everyone that we went down there with was just looking around like, holy shit. | ||
| Listen, man. | ||
| You never end a story by saying, like, holy shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I understand you have a very good story. | |
| I was with Matt. | ||
| However, you leave us confused. | ||
| I'm going to say this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You at least can give us the respect of the end. | |
| I was with Matt on that, and there was 14-year-old kids. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Don't lie to me, Mats. | |
| Say yes. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Listen, bro. | ||
| I feel what you're saying. | ||
| And I was only fucking around. | ||
| I was filling some dead space where we're trying to recalibrate our reality due to your circumstances and your story being paradigm shifting. | ||
| Joe, you're so fucked up. | ||
| I'm not that fucked up. | ||
| Listen, I want to tell you, Matt. | ||
| Matt, I'm giving you a shout out. | ||
| I love you. | ||
| This guy fucking is an awesome guy. | ||
| Ex-Marine and a fighter. | ||
| I love you, Matt. | ||
| Matt, I'm very sorry that you got dragged into a podcast. | ||
| It was just a phone call for you, and all of a sudden, Shane Smith talking about some crazy shit. | ||
| And you're like, God damn it. | ||
| I gotta tell the truth, because I'm Matt. | ||
| I'm Matt Ruskin, and I don't give a fuck. | ||
| But Daniel Gracie is a badass motherfucker. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Unquestionably. | ||
| What is his real name, Matt? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What's that? | |
| Daniel Gracie. | ||
| What is his real name? | ||
|
unidentified
|
The last name, the family name is Vieira or Samoa. | |
| It's one of the two I know. | ||
| And I completely... | ||
| By the way, I want to let everybody know. | ||
| There's no judgment involved in that whatsoever. | ||
| I completely understand why someone who especially was in a situation where they were a very talented guy and they were trying to maximize the The sort of the spread of their name as far as possible. | ||
| And the word Gracie, because of Hoyce and because of Horian and what they accomplished in UFC 1, it was one of the most important moments in the history of martial arts. | ||
| Would you agree, Matt? | ||
| For people who don't know the history of it or weren't there when it's happening as martial artists, it was one of the most important moments ever. | ||
| It's like all of a sudden we found out what really works, right? | ||
| And those guys... | ||
| That name, that Gracie name, that shit's like Q-tips or Kleenex, you know? | ||
| It's synonymous. | ||
| I don't give a fuck about your tissues. | ||
| If you have tissues made by Kraft macaroni and cheese, if they're right next to Kleenex, I'm taking the Kleenex. | ||
| Okay, because they dominate, as does the NFL. They dominate as well. | ||
| You know what I'm saying, Matt? | ||
| Jesus Christ, back me up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I do, but in Daniel's defense, I gotta tell you, I think the name was given to him by Enzo and Hyatt. | |
| 100%. | ||
| Thank you, Matt. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| In what way? | ||
| Like, Daniel was a... | ||
|
unidentified
|
When they all were fighting in pride, they told him to take the family name. | |
| You know why? | ||
| Do you know why? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Do you know why? | |
| Because they're smart motherfuckers. | ||
| Because they're smart motherfuckers, and they know how to make that paper, son. | ||
| Matt, don't freeze up on me now. | ||
| We're in the deep end of the pool, Matt. | ||
|
unidentified
|
My heart hurts. | |
| And we're not close to the lip. | ||
| Hang in there. | ||
| Right, Matt? | ||
| Are you with me, buddy? | ||
| I'm sorry. | ||
| Listen, Matt. | ||
| I need to apologize to you as a human being. | ||
| You didn't know what the fuck was going on here. | ||
| You got dragged into this conversation. | ||
| Shane Smith calls you. | ||
| Where do you live, sir? | ||
| Don't tell me. | ||
| East Coast, West Coast, or Mountain Time? | ||
|
unidentified
|
East Coast. | |
| East Coast. | ||
| Oh, dude. | ||
| It's late as fuck. | ||
| What I'm trying to say is Matt is an awesome dude. | ||
| Do you hear this, Matt? | ||
| Shane Smith just said, Matt is an awesome dude. | ||
| And Daniel Grace is an awesome dude. | ||
| And what they showed me was awesome. | ||
| We're not trying to discredit any of that. | ||
| We're not trying to discredit any of that, Matt. | ||
| You understand this, correct? | ||
| Joe, you want to do a shot? | ||
| No, not yet. | ||
| In three minutes. | ||
| Listen, what's important, Matt, is you understand that I respect and adore Daniel Gracie and anybody that gets in there. | ||
| I just think that if I could have been there when Henzo and all those other guys were trying to talk Daniel into using the last name Gracie... | ||
| Let's think this shit through. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sorry. | |
| Vanderlei Silva did pretty good with the name Silva. | ||
| Okay, okay, we're gonna be fine. | ||
| We don't need Gracie. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We're okay. | |
| Are you Gracie? | ||
| Is your name Henzo? | ||
| It is. | ||
| Henzo, do you support this Daniel character? | ||
| Yeah, what the fuck difference does it make? | ||
| What noise you make with your mouth that represents his last name? | ||
| Are we cool? | ||
| Jesus Christ! | ||
| For the greater good of the humanity of the world, how about we forget about... | ||
| Imperial dictatorships and names that dominate sports history. | ||
| You feel me, Matt? | ||
| Did you know eating marijuana is different if you smoke it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hey, Matt! | |
| Matt! | ||
| I'm sorry, dude. | ||
| This is so rude. | ||
| Tell Matt you love him. | ||
| I love you, Matt. | ||
| I'm so sad that I dragged you into this. | ||
| And even though I did it with no malice... | ||
| 100%. | ||
| Matt Ruskin. | ||
| With jest. | ||
| Matt Ruskin. | ||
| I didn't do this to be mean. | ||
| I just did this because that's my nature. | ||
| I am the scorpion. | ||
| You are the frog. | ||
| This is how shit goes down. | ||
| I didn't mean to do this. | ||
| Matt Ruskin is a beautiful dude. | ||
| Hey, Matt Ruskin. | ||
| Will you do my podcast? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I would be happy to do your podcast. | |
| Sir, I'd be honored if you would do my podcast. | ||
| Will you do it with Shane? | ||
| Yes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The heavens have just opened up! | |
| In a hot tub in San Diego with a dolphin? | ||
| No, stop it. | ||
| No dolphins and no shaman. | ||
| Ask him if he's ever experimented with a dolphin. | ||
| Matt. | ||
| Just tell him you love him. | ||
| Matt. | ||
| Have you ever watched a rodeo and felt sorry for the bulls? | ||
| Nothing. | ||
| Listen, Matt. | ||
| I love the fuck out of here, even though we've never met. | ||
| He's a good man. | ||
| If Shane Smith says you're a good man, you're a good man. | ||
| Do you feel me? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Alright, let's move. | |
| Okay. | ||
| Jihad. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hey, can we give a shout out to Green Mountain Grills? | |
| Thanks, buddy. | ||
| I'm gonna go. | ||
| Green Mountain Grills are badass. | ||
| Yeah, I got one. | ||
| Matt Ruskin and Daniel Grace, you're a fucking great guy. | ||
| Did you cook on it yet? | ||
| I just want to give you a shout out, Matt. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I just had my first cookout. | |
| That was one of the most, the least entertaining... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Dude, that broke my face. | |
| That was one of the funniest shit things I've ever seen in my life. | ||
| My face hurts. | ||
| Tomorrow you're going to look at that video and you're going to be like... | ||
| Listen, I just typed Daniel Gracie into Wikipedia and I don't even remember doing it. | ||
| How about that? | ||
| You cracked me the fuck up. | ||
| How about that, huh? | ||
| Badass motherfucker, though. | ||
| And Hodger. | ||
| Hodger Gracie is one of the most... | ||
| The Gracie's full stop are badass motherfuckers. | ||
| Yeah, Hodger is fighting in the UFC, I believe. | ||
| I want to say he's fighting Tim Kennedy, but I'm not... | ||
| Hold on a second. | ||
| Let me pull that up. | ||
| What are you laughing at? | ||
| It's the funniest episode ever. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| I dragged this guy. | ||
| I met him online. | ||
| You know, can I say one thing? | ||
| Can I say one thing? | ||
| Yes, sir. | ||
| I'm pissed off. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Why? | |
| Because I saw a tweet, because I follow you on Twitter, you fucker. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Wait a minute. | ||
| And somebody was tweeting their shoes that they made with your design. | ||
| Yes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't have those shoes. | |
| That's Jill, who does the calendar for DeathSquad.tv. | ||
| If I don't get shoes with that design that I can wear every day, then I'm going to be pissed off. | ||
| Before you request these shoes, understand that Brian is in the middle of... | ||
| Number three. | ||
| That's like pooping and pissing out of your butt. | ||
| I don't even know what that fucking means. | ||
| Stop listening. | ||
| These are noises coming. | ||
| He panicked right now. | ||
| He's on cat number three. | ||
| Death Squad cat number one, who originally was my favorite. | ||
| That's the one over your right shoulder right there. | ||
| That's Death Squad cat number one. | ||
| But then once I fell in love with the Wendy's cat, and the second cat is my favorite. | ||
| Can I say one thing? | ||
| Tom Ford is making money off of doing these Baroque slippers with Baroque old things. | ||
| And I'm saying... | ||
| Oh, hold on. | ||
| What's Baroque? | ||
| Like, you know, tapestries... | ||
| I'm tired of hearing that word. | ||
| Tapestries from the 17th century. | ||
| He's taking tapestries, making slippers out of them, selling them for a thousand bucks. | ||
| I want a red fucking... | ||
| Man, fucking... | ||
| Shoe that I saw on Twitter and the fact that I don't have those shoes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't have those shoes. | |
| Are those Twinkies legit? | ||
| Because I want to wear those when I go to the Academy Awards. | ||
| Oh, wait a minute. | ||
| That's the last thing you want to do. | ||
| No, it's the right thing, Joe. | ||
| We've got to come to an agreement. | ||
| No Academy Awards, okay? | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Some awards. | ||
| The Death Star. | ||
| Death Squad. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Not the Death Squad, but the Death Star. | |
| If I don't get a pair of those shoes, I'm fucking pissed off. | ||
| Okay, we need new shoes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We need a left eye and a right eye. | |
| I want slippers that he has designed and made, otherwise I'm fucking pissed off. | ||
| Listen, Brian does not have any time to design and make slippers. | ||
| He does, because I see them on Twitter. | ||
| No, I didn't make Listen, Brian and I have been working together for at least, what, a decade now? | ||
| 2003? | ||
| A decade? | ||
| Those are badass shoes. | ||
| Badass. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, no. | |
| Badass. | ||
| By the way, I want them, but I want them more plushy. | ||
| No doubt about it. | ||
| Made out of sort of... | ||
| How long have we been working together for? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ten years. | |
| Okay. | ||
| This is the most important thing with Brian. | ||
| You can't tell Brian what to do. | ||
| You can't let Brian... | ||
| I want those shoes. | ||
| You can't put any pressure on him. | ||
| You can tell them, look, at least a couple of days a week you have to show up and do this. | ||
| But other than that, you've got to leave him alone. | ||
| I will fight... | ||
| That's the only way these hypnotic cats get discovered. | ||
| I will fight... | ||
| Because you're not going to come with that shit if you live in a fucking cubicle and you're panicking, taking Adderall all day to get through your workload. | ||
| I will fight Hoist Gracie if I can have a pair of those shoes. | ||
| You say that. | ||
| I need those shoes. | ||
| No one has ever gotten you into a proper rear naked choke. | ||
|
unidentified
|
If you really felt the fucking pecs and the spine. | |
| If you choked me, you would win in 3.2 seconds. | ||
| But I would be wearing the shoes. | ||
| That's what I need. | ||
| Well, you'd win. | ||
| It's not about winning. | ||
| I concede, but I want the shoes. | ||
| I don't even know how we got to this point. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know either. | |
| What I'm telling you is... | ||
| We've gotten off track. | ||
| The kid's on his way to... | ||
| Well, by the way, fuck that. | ||
| Your shoes are amazing. | ||
| Your designs are amazing. | ||
| It's not his shoes! | ||
| I know I said this last time! | ||
|
unidentified
|
This is what I'm telling you! | |
| I said it last time. | ||
| Your fucking designs are good. | ||
| I want those fucking shoes. | ||
| I understand what you're saying, but what you need to understand is the next cat is going to be on the next level. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, why are you putting the pressure on me? | |
| Are you going to be looking at the other cats and be like, fuck those slippers! | ||
| Death Squad! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Shoes! | |
| I fucking want them! | ||
| Chocolate-filled Twinkies. | ||
| We're not fucking around. | ||
|
unidentified
|
By the way, your fucking spine is bulging. | |
| You're eating a fucking Twinkie. | ||
| I'm allowed to have some fucking shoes. | ||
| That's an old Twinkie, Joe. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Stop. | |
| It's a chocolate. | ||
| They don't even make that anymore. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It tastes a lot like the shit you put in your tire when you want to fix a flat. | |
| That expired a long time ago. | ||
| Cockroaches and Twinkies are the only things that will survive the apocalypse. | ||
| What do you mean expired? | ||
| You're getting ready. | ||
| You're getting ready. | ||
| You're fucking getting your Twinkies ready. | ||
| But I want my shoes ready. | ||
| As the fucking bomb goes off, I'm going to be looking good! | ||
| For anyone right now collecting their thoughts and gathering their finances on their way to the bank, on their way to financing their very first yoga studio, I want you to know, I know this podcast doesn't represent how you feel right now. | ||
| When you're... | ||
| When you're in that train and you're thinking to yourself as you make the connection to the bus on your way to work, I don't want to be that guy! | ||
| I don't want to be out of control, worrying about asteroids with intestinal viruses that look like fucking aliens grown inside my shit tract! | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't want to be that guy! | |
| How? | ||
| How does this help me? | ||
| The squad. | ||
| This helps me. | ||
| The squad makes me look good. | ||
| Because this helps all of us. | ||
| because we need all of the information about all the possible realities of all of the human beings existing in this temporary state that we both exist in that you all three of us right now this 2013 can i say one thing Let me say whatever the fuck you want. | ||
| Joe Rogan, Taekwondo motherfucker, the voice of the MMA. How drunk are you? | ||
| Fear Factor. | ||
| And fashion fucking mogul. | ||
| Because unless I get those goddamn fucking shoes. | ||
| There's going to be things going to be happening. | ||
| We're going to get those shoes, and we're going to find this gal who made those shoes, and we're going to ask Jill Himitsu, that girl? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| See, I know about my super fans. | ||
| I will say one last thing, because this podcast has been going on for 800 hours. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So what? | |
| But I will say this. | ||
| We got a show in 20 minutes. | ||
| How about fucking Joe Rogan? | ||
| Joe Rogan, fucking shut up. | ||
| Between Fear Factor and your UFC shit and all your other shit, but the fucking podcast that you do, and by the way, I'm sitting here in a room with 700 cameras that Red Band has set up. | ||
| I'm sitting here doing podcasts with you. | ||
| The fact that you do these podcasts and you finance these podcasts and you do these podcasts, I've got to say, I fucking hand it to you, my friend. | ||
| I fucking hand it to you. | ||
| This all means nothing. | ||
| Listen, let me explain this to you. | ||
| Shut it. | ||
| Let me explain this to you. | ||
| Hey, how about this? | ||
| How about this? | ||
|
unidentified
|
You were in my position. | |
| You would also know it. | ||
| How about this? | ||
| Take it. | ||
| How about this? | ||
| You got to take it. | ||
| You got it? | ||
| If I say you're fucking awesome, you have to fucking take it. | ||
| I understand, sweetie pie. | ||
| But here's the problem with that. | ||
| You can never believe you. | ||
| If you start talking to me in these crazy superlatives and tell me how awesome I am, I'm like, this guy's basically full of shit. | ||
| Okay, and I'm going to tell you the truth. | ||
| I'm going to tell you the truth. | ||
| If you believe it, lock it up and throw it in a dark place in the back of your mind. | ||
| No, now see, this is going to be me and you in the back alley. | ||
| But I'm going to tell you the truth is, you don't have to do this fucking podcast. | ||
| You don't have to fucking sit here and deal with shitheads like me. | ||
| But I will tell you one thing. | ||
| That's when you're wrong, sir, because that fear factor money comes at a price. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's a mental mortgage I'm paying off. | |
| Us talking about this shit is because you fucking paid for this fucking room with all the cameras and the fucking microphones and all the shit. | ||
| I did not pay for this room. | ||
| This is mostly Brian's. | ||
| The only thing I paid for was the microphones. | ||
|
unidentified
|
My iMac. | |
| I bought that iMac. | ||
| I bought the mics. | ||
| I give kudos to you, and if you don't take it, then I'm going to put this pen up your arse. | ||
| Normally, I would say thank you very much. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Why do I get shit if I'm not allowed to give you a compliment? | |
| No, no, no. | ||
| You're absolutely allowed to, but I have to tell you that in this particular situation, since we're at the Ice House, this was 99% Brian's work. | ||
| Which I give him fucking straight up kudos. | ||
| Well, I'm trying to fucking buy fucking footwear off him. | ||
| He won't give it to me. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, no, no. | |
| He's not selling the footwork. | ||
| But what I'm saying is that... | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't have anything to do with it. | |
| Although he is... | ||
| I gave permission to make it. | ||
| It's a very strange situation. | ||
| Brian and I have been friends and employees. | ||
| And I try to distance myself from the employee aspect as much as possible. | ||
| But he really created this whole room. | ||
| He decorated it. | ||
| He's a smart motherfucker. | ||
| Our friend Brendan gave us that picture. | ||
| I asked him to put that up. | ||
| And that's it. | ||
| Other than that, it's all Brian's creation. | ||
| But you don't have to do these podcasts, and the fact that you do these podcasts, the fact that you have Anthony Bourdain, and the fact that you have me, the fact that you have all these people on, that is something special. | ||
| And I know we always get to this at the end of it, but I've got to say, what you're doing with Brian and with yourself, come on now. | ||
| At least accept the fact that that's an important fucking motherfucking thing. | ||
| And by the way, if you don't accept it, I will do something bad with this thing. | ||
| Listen, I have a problem, I got a t-shirt on, I got my keys and my knuckles, and I'm ready to fucking party. | ||
| I'm telling you, you're asking me to take the Kool-Aid and to fucking brush my teeth with it, but not swallow it. | ||
| Joe Rogan, ladies and gentlemen! | ||
| I'm not interested! | ||
| Joe Rogan! | ||
| Even though my gums have lacerations on them that would allow the sacred liquid from the Kool-Aid to get into my bloodstream, I'm not willing. | ||
| I'm not willing. | ||
| I want everyone in the Joe Rogan universe to tweet the motherfucker out of him because Joe Rogan is the fucking man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Shut up! | |
| Where does this look from? | ||
| Alcohol. | ||
| There's a lot of douchebags that are me 20 years from now. | ||
| They're going, fuck that guy. | ||
| The reality. | ||
| I'm going to say I like Joe Rogan. | ||
| I like Red Band. | ||
| Death Squad. | ||
| Powerful. | ||
| I love all you guys. | ||
| I love you. | ||
| Are we almost three hours in? | ||
| Yeah, five minutes. | ||
| Listen, Shane, you're a bad motherfucker. | ||
| Fuck you. | ||
| I got to tell you. | ||
| This is a very, very unusual podcast, but all podcasts with you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I think it's my favorite one of all time. | |
| Yeah, it might be up there. | ||
| It's probably number one. | ||
| My only weird thing about this is we only have real meaningful conversations with headphones and microphones. | ||
| And hold on, I'm going to tell you this. | ||
| You guys, like, I seriously respect what the fuck you're doing. | ||
| And there are people out there in the fucking world that are listening here. | ||
| And I got to say... | ||
| I'm fucking stoked to be here. | ||
| And so, if it's you, and I'm... | ||
| Nobody can see me, or maybe you can't see me. | ||
| I'm pointing at you, Redman. | ||
| If it's you, then fucking thank you very much. | ||
| Because, you know what? | ||
| My favorite thing to do, my favorite press ever... | ||
| Like, I have to do press all the time. | ||
| And by the way, you don't even know what the fuck I'm talking about, because... | ||
| Vice sent fucking Dennis Rodman to fucking North Korea. | ||
| We have the fucking only interviews with Kim Jong-il. | ||
| We have like number one fucking shit that ABC, CBS, NBC, everybody fucking wants. | ||
| You know where I come? | ||
| I come to the Joe fucking Rogan podcast and I'll tell you why. | ||
| Because those are the only fucking people I give a shit about. | ||
| And that's why I'm here. | ||
| I love you fucking guys. | ||
| And by the way, if that's your fucking shit, Red Band, great. | ||
| And by the way, you don't have to... | ||
| Look at your shoes, man. | ||
| And by the way... | ||
| Well, it's not him, it's not me, it's not... | ||
| It's all... | ||
| It's everybody. | ||
| By the way, you don't have to do this, and you do it, and I gotta say... | ||
| I fucking love you guys, and I love what you do, and you can tell me to fuck off if you want. | ||
| No, shut up! | ||
| Listen, we love you too, man. | ||
| There's no need for anybody to take any extra recognition for what the fuck is going on. | ||
| I'm not talking about right now. | ||
| No, no, no, no, no. | ||
| I know you're not. | ||
| I know you're not. | ||
| What you're trying to do is what any cool person tries to do, is you're trying to spread the love as far as possible to as many people as possible. | ||
| The people that listen to this fucking podcast... | ||
| Are the people that I give a shit about. | ||
| And I don't give a shit about... | ||
| Well, there's people that you give a shit about that don't listen to this because they don't know about it. | ||
| But the reality is that the ethic of what Brian is trying to put forth and what I am, and unquestionably, without a shadow of a doubt in my heart, what you're trying to put forward... | ||
| It is what resonates with a lot of the people that are sort of waking up in the middle of history and looking at this crazy world that is handicapped and sidetracked and hobbled by these ancient traditions that were written back when people couldn't even fly fucking planes and didn't even have printed type and there was no internet and unfortunately this Distribution of information is far more | ||
| swift than the absorption of it amongst the people and the altercation or the changing of the culture because of that information. | ||
| And you're at the front of the line of that. | ||
| Let me tell you, you're in the front of the line. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nonsense! | |
| Shut it! | ||
| You have sent people to Alaska! | ||
| I have done none of this! | ||
| I put Brian on Brewcross. | ||
| What is it? | ||
| Brewcross? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Brewshield? | |
| It's free dental. | ||
| I'm going to tell you, if we can finish with this one last thought. | ||
| If I can finish with this one last thought. | ||
| What is this one last thought? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Why do I need to wrap it up? | |
| Can't we just say Abba Dabba Shabba Gazoo Snowflake? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Let's hear what this thought is. | |
| Maybe it's about fucking dolphins. | ||
| You're right. | ||
| Alright. | ||
| Fuck the dolphins. | ||
| I love the dolphins. | ||
| I don't give a shit what you say. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I love dolphins. | |
| Team people. | ||
| Am I right? | ||
| Team people? | ||
| Team people. | ||
| Team people, goddammit. | ||
| Can I say one thing? | ||
| I love all you bitches and everyone who's listening to this. | ||
| Joe fucking Rogan. | ||
| Death Squad. | ||
| Brian fucking Redman. | ||
| Fuck all y'all. | ||
| Shane Smith. | ||
| Tom Segura. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ari Shafir. | |
| Joey Coco Diaz. | ||
| Duncan Trussell. | ||
| Duncan Trussell. | ||
| Suck it! | ||
| 2012. Oh, whoops! | ||
| I guess that shit didn't happen, did it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
December 21st. | |
| Daniel Pinchback, where the fuck were you with an apology and an explanation? | ||
| Where were you? | ||
| To let people know, I want to apologize to Frankie Boyle. | ||
| I got into a Twitter altercation with him this weekend. | ||
| And I just want to let you know, Frankie, you're retarded. | ||
| I'm retarded. | ||
| We're all retarded. | ||
| It's okay, boo. | ||
| Just stop fronting. | ||
| Just stop fronting, alright? | ||
| Keep it together, bitch. | ||
| Shane Smith, 2013. The Soviets say that an asteroid's coming in 93 years. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I won't be here to see it. | |
| Holla! | ||
| See you next week. |
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