Jan. 22, 2013 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:22:12
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
|
unidentified
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We might be too high to talk. | |
| I'm pretty high. | ||
| This is a bad way to start a podcast, but yet we do it this way every time. | ||
| Do you guys talk about that stuff? | ||
| Sometimes. | ||
| It takes about 15 minutes to recover. | ||
| Like, once the first wave hits you, you have to see once in a while? | ||
| Yes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And that explains the commercials, kind of. | |
| Yes. | ||
| Yeah, explains why they ramble. | ||
| Uh... | ||
| This episode of the Joe Rogan Experience Podcast is brought to you, as always, by Onnit.com. | ||
| I'll just leave this brief. | ||
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| That's it. | ||
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| We're also brought to you today by Hover... | ||
| And Hover is a domain name company that's owned by the same people that own Ting. | ||
| And we're big fans of Ting. | ||
| Ting became one of the few podcast sponsors that we have. | ||
| And when they told us they were trying to use their non-evil company approach towards domain name sales, we thought that was a great idea. | ||
| Yoshilovesbananabread.com. | ||
| Has anybody got that? | ||
| You know what somebody did? | ||
| I was joking around one day about suckmycockfatty.com. | ||
| Somebody took that and registered it and made a mirror of my website. | ||
| So now if you go to suckmycockfatty.com, it's my website. | ||
| Which is hilarious. | ||
| But all that could have been done through Hover. | ||
| Hover offers a lot of cool software to use, and they offer a lot of cool things that are free, like Whois privacy protection, subdomains, URL forwarding, all that stuff that should be included with domain name management. | ||
| They include that. | ||
| That's all free. | ||
| And I think that's... | ||
| Just indicative of how they are with Ting and just how they are, period. | ||
| If you go to hover.com Rogan... | ||
| You will get 10% off your domain name registrations. | ||
| All right, you dirty bitches. | ||
| Listen, Yoshi's here and David Cho's here. | ||
| We're going to get freaky with this. | ||
| Brian has a show Thursday night at the Improv. | ||
| Who's on that? | ||
|
unidentified
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We got Joey Diaz, Duncan Trussell, Brody Stevens. | |
| Oh, we have Yoshi. | ||
| Yoshi's going to be there. | ||
| Powerful Yoshi. | ||
| And we might even have Tiffany Haddish. | ||
| You guys know his nickname? | ||
| No, what's his nickname? | ||
| Yoshi Mill. | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| That's not true. | ||
| That's his nickname. | ||
| Oh, my goodness. | ||
| This Wednesday night, Yoshi will also be with me at the Ice House. | ||
| The Ice House, Brian will be there as well. | ||
| Adam Hunter will be there. | ||
| Ian Edwards will be there. | ||
| Who else? | ||
| Is there somebody else going to? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't remember. | |
| Someone else. | ||
| Yoshi, Ian Edwards. | ||
| Whatever, bitch. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, do we see Kate? | |
| No. | ||
| Why would you do that? | ||
|
unidentified
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I don't know. | |
| Why would you make up a famous name? | ||
|
unidentified
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That would be really cool if he came. | |
| You're such a freak. | ||
| You're such a mess. | ||
| But anyway, that's this Wednesday night, 10 o'clock at the Ice House. | ||
| Someone else is coming, goddammit. | ||
| I can't fucking remember who it is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Tony Henscliffe? | |
| No, no. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Well, I can't remember it. | ||
| So just cue the music and rescue me. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The Joe Rogan Experience. | |
| Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day. | ||
| It's not official until the music starts. | ||
| Who did that song? | ||
| Brian did it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
All himself. | |
| He's a fucking master. | ||
| He's a garage band master. | ||
| It sucks because I hear it all the time in stupid TV shows and commercials now, like one of the riffs in that song. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, and it's just like, ugh! | |
| What, because it's a GarageBand riff? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, there's parts of it that are just straight up from GarageBand. | |
| I tweaked a little bit. | ||
| Yoshi. | ||
| Meo. | ||
| Our friend Yoshi is here. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hey, Joe. | |
| What's up, Yoshi? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Good. | |
| And he brought his friend David Cho. | ||
| Who insists on relentlessly torturing Yoshi about his nickname. | ||
| This is a strange nickname, Yosh. | ||
| Yoshimail? | ||
| Yes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Why would they call you that? | |
| Is there a story to go with this? | ||
| Well, for people who do know Yoshi, they know that he used to work in the porn business, and his currency was porn. | ||
| Like, if he needed to get tickets to something, like, Yoshi knows a lot of athletes and rock stars and whatever, and he's like, hey, you guys want some porn? | ||
| And he's always there with a box of porn. | ||
| And if you've gotten a box of porn from Yoshi, you know that sometimes he hides some shemale porn in there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know? | |
| That's true. | ||
| Do you hide it in there? | ||
| Is it like your way of just like letting people get a hold of it so like people who wouldn't ordinarily watch it were like, well, fuck it. | ||
| I got the DVD. No one's here but me. | ||
| Let's just throw this on. | ||
| Is that what you're trying to do? | ||
| I'm trying to figure out what they're into. | ||
| He likes to make people uncomfortable. | ||
| No, but you know what? | ||
| Sometimes, even when they're angry, I could tell you it's a fake angry and they really liked it. | ||
| Ooh, really? | ||
| It'd be interesting if you could have a camera set up to see how long they watched it before they turned it off. | ||
| They're like, this is disgusting! | ||
| Get the lube out. | ||
| They did a study a while back where they took men who were homophobic and they showed them images of gay guys having sex and they showed arousal. | ||
| Oh, I heard the opposite. | ||
| I heard that they got a flight or fight kind of response. | ||
| They get really aggressive and angry. | ||
| Really? | ||
| What I read was that it was penile arousal was the word. | ||
| There was a recognized arousal in the males that were especially homophobic. | ||
| Especially angry about gay people, it's much more common for them to actually be fighting off gay thoughts. | ||
| Like Yoshi gets aroused thinking about a straight male watching shemale porn. | ||
| Where did that come from? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Joe, by the way, don't believe everything he says. | |
| You tell me if I'm lying then. | ||
| So Yoshi, you know, everyone here watches porn. | ||
| You watch, you jerk off to it. | ||
| But this was this guy's life. | ||
| So what gets this guy hard? | ||
| A guy who, like a 9 to 5 job, watches porn from morning till night. | ||
| Just asses, dicks, penises, and pussies just smashing together over and over and over again. | ||
| And a lot of the times when I used to call him, I'm like, hey, you want to go get dinner or something? | ||
| He'd be like, no, I got to finish this tranny porn. | ||
| And I always thought he was just fucking with me. | ||
| But then he's like, it's not this niche thing. | ||
| It's huge. | ||
| It's our number one seller, and it always has been. | ||
| What? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. | ||
| That's what I say. | ||
| Is this something that people weren't... | ||
|
unidentified
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Black tranny porn is the hottest thing. | |
| Is this like the biggest underground story ever? | ||
| It's huge and untalked about. | ||
| That's crazy! | ||
| The number one seller. | ||
| Even when I work at a retail seller in Seattle, we have a booth and at the end of the month we do a tally of which movies sold the most. | ||
| Top ten, it's always a combination of gay or tranny. | ||
| Whoa, that's fucking crazy. | ||
| Is there a lack of that? | ||
| Well, there's not a lack of that stuff on the internet. | ||
| It's not like they would have to purchase it. | ||
| Like, why are they purchasing that more than anything else? | ||
| Is that what the demand is? | ||
| Demand is massive. | ||
| How many undercover, trainee, loving dudes are there out there? | ||
| What do you think it is? | ||
| Because this is what I think it is. | ||
| It's so easy. | ||
| By the way, it really shocked me that we started a whole podcast with Tranny. | ||
| What? | ||
| Oh, it's shocking to you? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Alright, go ahead. | |
| Why not? | ||
| Why is it shocking to you? | ||
| Yoshima. | ||
| No, I thought we were going to talk about you. | ||
| No, let's talk about you. | ||
| We're talking about life, bitch. | ||
| Yeah, we're talking about you. | ||
| Don't worry about it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Alright. | |
| So, what is your thought? | ||
| My thing is, it's just, you know, if you think of the things that we used to have to jack off to, you know, we're a bit older, like... | ||
| The Sears catalog, and it was just, you know, if there was someone at your school that had got a blowjob, like, they were, like, the hero. | ||
| You know, it's like... | ||
| Right, yeah. | ||
| Like, now, like, eight-year-old kids are giving each other blowjobs, you know? | ||
| It's true, it's true. | ||
| Are we talking about Jim Norton? | ||
| All right, go ahead. | ||
| No, I'm like, Yoshi's a... | ||
| A grown-up adult male that watches porn all day, but think about a regular kid who just discovered the internet and his first boner. | ||
| He can already watch anal and everything. | ||
| So I think you do anal, you get blowjobs, you have sex with your girlfriend, and you're like 16 and you've already seen and done everything. | ||
| You're like, what's the next thing? | ||
| That's what I think. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I might be wrong on that, but once... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| You're in that business. | ||
| Why do you think it's such a huge thing? | ||
| I have a friend in Boston, professor of evolution and biology, but he did like a research, like full, very popular body parts and internet search. | ||
| This is according to 100 million research. | ||
| Obvious one, tits, ass, feet, and penis, according to the 100 million research by men. | ||
| And according to my friend, it's because we're interested in all the different sexual cues. | ||
| It doesn't make you a gay person. | ||
| I think it's part of our competitiveness. | ||
| Like guys, urinating in the bathroom, kind of look over a guy's penis. | ||
| It's not a gay thing, I don't think. | ||
| Well, I think part of the idea is also that a lot of people have these sexual thoughts about men because they were imprinted with some sort of sexual experience by a man when they were young. | ||
| Whether it was molestation or something like that, whatever it is. | ||
| They had some weirdness that happened with another boy. | ||
| And because of that, even though they don't have homosexual thoughts, they're not homosexual, they can still get aroused by the idea of men or by the idea of doing something that you're not supposed to do, like looking at a guy's cock. | ||
| If you fuck a shemale, is that gay? | ||
| Yes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Check this one out, Jeff. | |
| It's not as gay as fucking a bear. | ||
| If you jerk off to a shemale porno, is that gay? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Check this out. | |
| Uh, no. | ||
| No. | ||
| No, but it's questionable. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| What are you showing me? | ||
| AVN, there was a ton of these guys where they looked like a normal guy, but they had the nicest tits in the whole entire world. | ||
| What? | ||
| And so, like, they would pull out their tits for girls so that they could just suck on them. | ||
| It looks like a guy. | ||
| That totally looks like an older actor guy. | ||
| Yeah, like a regular looking dude with huge titties. | ||
| That's so strange. | ||
|
unidentified
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But they were everywhere. | |
| They had just normal looking blonde hair guys. | ||
| Like a Dylan McDermott. | ||
| It's like Dylan McDermott with giant tits. | ||
|
unidentified
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That was Amazing Kathy is the name of that person. | |
| That's so weird. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| Is that a new look? | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah, there's another one like Danny... | |
| I forget his name. | ||
| Do you know who I'm talking about, Yoshi? | ||
| He's a short blonde hair guy. | ||
| Yeah, I don't remember the last name. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Danny something. | |
| He was another one. | ||
| Short blonde hair. | ||
| Oh, that reminds me, Joe. | ||
| I got you a present when I was in AV and I brought it for you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It kind of fits this conversation, too. | |
| You son of a bitch. | ||
| What do you have? | ||
|
unidentified
|
You can frame it, maybe. | |
| Frame it? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm scared to open this. | ||
| What is it? | ||
| It's dudes with their hard dicks in their pants. | ||
| Oh, let me see. | ||
| You think you're funny? | ||
| Is that what's supposed to be funny? | ||
|
unidentified
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Maybe they're boners to get through their underwear. | |
| You paid money for this. | ||
| You really wanted this. | ||
| This is one of those things. | ||
| Oh, well, if you don't want it, I'll take it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I bought it for you really drunk the next day. | |
| I was like, why did I buy this for Joe? | ||
| You're a silly bitch. | ||
| That's why. | ||
| But it's good artwork. | ||
| He was aroused by it. | ||
| Yeah, he was aroused by it. | ||
| I guess he was. | ||
| I got a little tingle right there looking at it. | ||
| He really wanted it for himself, but while he was purchasing, he's like, this is for my friend Joe, so it takes the gayness away from him. | ||
| Yeah, if you're gay and you saw that, you'd be psyched. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
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I thought it was funny. | |
| I thought it was like that gangster fag shit back in the day. | ||
| I thought Joe would think this was hilarious. | ||
| Yeah, do you remember that? | ||
| There was a rapper named Gangsta Fag, and he had all these gangster rap songs about having sex with dudes. | ||
| This shit's huge too. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| In New York, have you seen it? | ||
| No. | ||
| It's big now. | ||
| Yeah, it's like super hardcore gangsters, but then... | ||
| And they look like gangsters, but they wear pink. | ||
| What? | ||
| I forgot what the movement is called, but you see it a lot in New York. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| It's like they're on the subway just making out, and they're like, what the fuck are you looking at? | ||
| That kind of shit. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| Gangster gay people. | ||
| I like it. | ||
| I'm into it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Look, we need another wrinkle in this society. | ||
| There it is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Whoa. | ||
| What we're looking at for the folks listening on iTunes, it's a famous photo of two Latino gentlemen with gang-like tattoos and they're in the tub together naked. | ||
| No biggie. | ||
| Totally not gay. | ||
| Apparently that's in the Latino community in prison. | ||
| It's a big thing. | ||
| It's gay for the stay. | ||
| Gay for the stay. | ||
| Yeah, that a lot of dudes, they go gay when they're inside. | ||
| And then when they get outside, it's like, just shut up about it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, I want to ask you about that because you do all the UFC stuff. | ||
| Like sometimes, you know, okay, so UFC starts, right? | ||
| And there was like Tank Abbott. | ||
| There was like... | ||
| It was more like Street Fighter back then. | ||
| There was like a sumo guy with like a boxer. | ||
| And then at some point, it all went straight to like grappling, right? | ||
| Right. | ||
| So on any given UFC fight, if you just walk into the room while the fight's playing, most of the fights end up on the floor, right? | ||
| A lot of them do, yeah. | ||
| Less now, I think, than more recently. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And then they're wearing the tight short shorts with the boner bulges. | ||
| And there's a lot of 69 going on. | ||
| There's a lot of head to crotch grinding. | ||
| It looks very homoerotic. | ||
| If you were into gay dudes, and if you were into dudes, especially if you were into athletic dudes, I would totally see how you could see two men grappling, especially bare chest to bare chest, as being homoerotic. | ||
| It's really based upon your sexual preference. | ||
| If you're into that, yeah, you would think that's homoerotic. | ||
| But if you're not, it's not. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| If you're not gay, it's just two dudes fighting. | ||
| But if you are gay, you'd be psyched. | ||
| Maybe you could enjoy it on another level. | ||
| It would be not just fighting, but fighting with two hot dudes that you're really getting excited by. | ||
| So you're getting excited by the fight itself, and then you get excited by the fact... | ||
| That you would like to suck both their cocks after it's over. | ||
| To thank them for the show. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, you know sometimes when... | ||
| You know this move at the strip club when you go and the girl gives you a simulated blowjob like she's blowing you but she uses the top of her head? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I've seen that in a UFC move. | ||
| The guy's grinding his forehead on the guy's crotch. | ||
| I'm like, oh fuck, a stripper just did that to me. | ||
| Ah! | ||
| The head job. | ||
| You wouldn't want that if you had a big hard cup on though. | ||
| It doesn't feel as good. | ||
| You want like sweatpants. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| I knew a dude who used to take those nylon sweatpants. | ||
| You know the nylon sweatpants that dudes used to wear? | ||
| The joggers back in the 90s. | ||
| Remember those blue nylon sweatpants people used to wear? | ||
| He took those and he sanded it with a thousand grit sandpaper in the crotch. | ||
| He would get it like he could hold it up to the light and see his fingers. | ||
| And then he would squirt lube. | ||
| He'd shave his cock and balls. | ||
| Complete shave. | ||
| I like where this story's going. | ||
| Squirt lube all over himself. | ||
| Put his sweatpants on. | ||
| And then he would go to this trip club. | ||
| And it was called shooting. | ||
| He would go shooting. | ||
| And the girls would sit on him and give him a lap dance and essentially he was wearing a condom. | ||
| Wow, this is way, way fucking advanced. | ||
| Like I said, that's pretty clever. | ||
| He's a very smart guy. | ||
| I mean I used to live at the strip club pretty much in Vegas and Nobody figured that out there? | ||
| Yeah, like me and my friend Harry, when we'd go, we'd take our jeans off and put on sweatpants. | ||
| Someone new to our group would be like, what are you guys doing? | ||
| We're like, dude, we're about to get lap dances. | ||
| But this takes that to a whole other level, man. | ||
| Yeah, this dude brought out sandpaper. | ||
| That's fucking awesome. | ||
| He brought out sandpaper to the point where the shit was like almost transparent. | ||
| He was using like 1500 grit, which is like what you would use to gently clean off the shaft of a pool cue. | ||
| You know what I'm talking about? | ||
| That kind of dust, just a slight level of This is amazing. | ||
| This is so amazing. | ||
| And he wore that shit down where he could get his fingers so he could see his fingers in the light, and that's what he knew. | ||
| It was technically still closed. | ||
| Was this guy's name happen to be Yoshi? | ||
| No! | ||
| I'm not that clever. | ||
| This guy was a very smart dude. | ||
| I won't give his name out. | ||
| But he was like, and it's imperative that you shave the cock and balls. | ||
| He goes, you want to have no hair, no hair anywhere. | ||
| He had like a whole technique to everything. | ||
| That's fantastic. | ||
| And then he was like, then you go Astro Glide. | ||
| But then one time, I guess he put on too much Astro Glide, and a girl got on his lap, and she goes, what the fuck? | ||
| Right. | ||
| The fuck is this? | ||
| And he was like, oh, yeah, I'm sorry. | ||
| She goes, what are you doing? | ||
| Like, what are you doing? | ||
| He goes, I couldn't believe it. | ||
| I just ran out of there. | ||
| He got caught. | ||
| He was horrified. | ||
| Well, you know, he basically took it too far. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He wasn't, you know, if you're just wearing the nylon pants and you got the lube on underneath, and you really probably can't tell at first, but he, like, had a puddle in his pants. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| He tried to get crafty. | ||
| They should make a monument to this guy at every strip club. | ||
| Well, for a long time, he had his own business, and he was really dedicated to his business. | ||
| Sandpaper business. | ||
| He was selling shooting pants. | ||
| He had this business, and so he didn't have any time for dating. | ||
| So what he would do is he would go and work all fucking day on his own business. | ||
| Then he would eat dinner, he would order takeout, Then he would go to the strip club in his shooting pants, and he would get one off, and then he'd go back home. | ||
| And that's what he would do. | ||
| Every day. | ||
| Whenever he wanted to. | ||
| Whenever he wanted to. | ||
| And that was how he avoided relationships for the longest time. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck, man. | |
| He would just go shooting. | ||
| Because he was just... | ||
| He had a few bad relationships, and he got fucked over by a few chicks. | ||
| He was in his 30s. | ||
| Smart guy. | ||
| And he just was like... | ||
| He was very logical to his approach to solving problems. | ||
| Where is he at now? | ||
| I haven't talked to him in a long time. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Can I ask you a question? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sure. | |
| So I just walked in here and you guys have all these Sex at Dawn books. | ||
| And I read that too because I'm interested in human sexuality and all that stuff. | ||
| Especially the female stuff. | ||
| So when I look at you, I see like... | ||
| The last of a dying breed of man, sort of like the intellectual jock. | ||
| You're a pretty big guy that can beat the shit out of people, but you're also well-read and intelligent. | ||
| So what is your whole take on all this? | ||
| Are you married? | ||
| Do you have a girlfriend? | ||
| Yeah, I'm married. | ||
| Oh, you are? | ||
| I'm married. | ||
| I have kids and everything. | ||
| I have the whole deal. | ||
| Damn. | ||
| You know, it is crazy. | ||
| Like recently or for a long time? | ||
| I've been married for quite a few years now. | ||
| But for me, the difference that happens when you have kids is so hard to wrap your head around for anybody that's not married and doesn't have kids. | ||
| Once you have a little you, a little Dave running around, the love that you have for them is... | ||
| So, it's really, you could never imagine that it would even be possible. | ||
| So, it's a real mindfuck. | ||
| How old are your kids? | ||
| I have a 16-year-old stepdaughter, I have a 4-year-old and a 2-year-old. | ||
| The 4 is almost 5, the 2 is almost 3. That's pretty me, Joe. | ||
| Unbelievably fascinating. | ||
| And Cupcake over here. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And me. | |
| So when I hear you're like, okay, here's the married path with kids, and then here's the other path with the shooting pants. | ||
| I aim more towards the shooting pants. | ||
| You know what, man? | ||
| Shooting pants, the whole deal is finding a compatible person. | ||
| If you don't find a compatible person, you find someone who wants to fight all the time, find someone who wants to test you, find someone who's not at peace themselves, you're gonna have fucking problems. | ||
| Because you can always find something wrong with people. | ||
| Yeah, but as a man who probably gets hit on by chicks all the time, those fucking ring girls are super smoking hot. | ||
| I mean, how do you deal with that? | ||
| Just jerk off, keep it together, do your best. | ||
| I know a great guy that has an immense collection of shemale porn that I could hook you up with. | ||
| The idea of carrying hard porn is so ridiculous these days with all the websites. | ||
| Does the industry frown upon the websites? | ||
| Do they look at it the way other people look at stealing? | ||
| Do you know that they still print video cassettes? | ||
| VHS? I don't know anyone who buys porn, except for myself. | ||
| But in general, I don't know one person who ever buys pornography, like DVDs, or even has a porn pass or any of that stuff. | ||
| And so Yoshi educated me that he said that the thing that keeps this business alive is people like... | ||
| 50 and over. | ||
| Old perverts, yeah. | ||
| They're scared to use computers, so they still go to the store and they buy DVDs and VHS tapes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then once they're dead, then this business will be dead. | ||
| So the old perverts who just stuck with their ways. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| They have this way. | ||
| They like the remote control. | ||
| They like to be able to sit there on the bed. | ||
| They're also afraid the government might get them. | ||
| They're probably right. | ||
| You know, because... | ||
| There's no... | ||
| You know, there's nothing of it on their computer. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| So... | ||
| Because you're trusting the companies that every one of those girls are 18 and older. | ||
| It's a funny thing, man. | ||
| But if someone who's in a high position of power, like say a political person, and they found that they had tranny porn at their house, even though it's totally legal, and even though you're saying it's the biggest market, so it represents a lot of human beings that are into that stuff, you'd be done. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yeah, for sure. | ||
| How weird is that? | ||
| How weird is it that we give a fuck about... | ||
| Like, Jimmy Norton is a very good friend of mine. | ||
| I love that dude. | ||
| Oh, I love that guy. | ||
| I don't care that he jerks off to trannies at all. | ||
| It doesn't bother me that he's had tranny experiences. | ||
| It's hilarious. | ||
| When he tells you about it, like, the fact that you would judge what tweaks someone sexually... | ||
| The heart wants what the heart wants. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Exactly. | |
| But it's complete, like, that's a weird sort of homophobia that's still accepted. | ||
| It's a weird sort of prejudice that's still accepted. | ||
| Your sexual preference, even if you're a nice person, even if you're nice and you're intelligent, we'll judge you based on whether or not you jerk off to dudes with dicks, or dudes who look like chicks with dicks. | ||
| I remember even in the late 80s, the store owner didn't want to have interracial tapes, thinking most of the customers in Seattle would hate it. | ||
| But the reaction once we got the interracial stuff is opposite. | ||
| It's always the white doctors, white lawyers, white CPA. Yeah. | ||
| You know, so... | ||
| Well, the disproportionate amount of interracial porn is sold in the Deep South. | ||
| Oh, Utah is like number one porn market. | ||
| It's white dudes. | ||
| White dudes watching black guys fuck white girls. | ||
| God damn it. | ||
| The cuckold films. | ||
| Yeah, those are weird. | ||
| That's something I didn't see coming. | ||
| The cuckold market. | ||
| Folks, if you're normal and you're listening to this and you're not all fucked up in the head like us where we can just say cuckold and no one has to worry whether or not anybody understands what it means... | ||
| Apparently there's a group of dudes who like watching other guys fuck their women. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And they like, especially like big black guys to fuck their women. | ||
| What is it called? | ||
| The Mandingo Club or something? | ||
| And there's a lot. | ||
| They bring like seven Mandingos. | ||
| It's like just this black crew of guys with dicks. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, over 12 inches. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| And they just come and they like, fuck this shit up. | ||
| Over 12 inches. | ||
| Just stop and think about that. | ||
| It's not just one dude. | ||
| There's like many guys with dicks over 12 inches out there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's like a horse race. | |
| I think the Vice guys made an awesome documentary about it. | ||
| Really? | ||
| About dudes with big dicks? | ||
| No, it's just specifically about the cuckold stuff. | ||
| It's cuckold from mandingos. | ||
| Like, it's a mandingo... | ||
| I didn't even know that was a... | ||
| I thought Mandingo was just the name of a porn star, but I guess it's a whole movement. | ||
| I think the slave owners had a one-prize black guy in each farm, and I think they call him Mandingo. | ||
| I think that's where it started. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, so you can go to this and get your wife Mandingo'd. | ||
| Oh my god, that's fucking insane. | ||
| You're thinking about it? | ||
| No. | ||
| I don't think Mrs. Rogan would appreciate that. | ||
| She probably would, and I don't want to know. | ||
| That's really what it's about. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I see Joe going to one of those parties where you are wearing masks. | |
| Oh yeah, but I wear a Batman mask. | ||
| I'm not wearing that white porcelain bullshit. | ||
| If you make me wear a mask, I'm going to be Batman. | ||
| But when I did Dave's show, we were talking about Dave Attell's porn show. | ||
| Dave's old porn. | ||
| Thanks for doing that, by the way. | ||
| It was fun. | ||
| It was a lot of fun. | ||
| Yosh works on that show. | ||
| But when I did it and we were looking at John Holmes, his dick ain't even big by today's standards. | ||
| It's kind of crazy. | ||
| He was the guy who had the big giant cock, but now there's so many black guys with dicks way bigger than John Holmes. | ||
| Well, they weren't allowed into porn back then, that's why. | ||
| Is that what it is? | ||
| I think so. | ||
| Yeah, I imagine so. | ||
| People had to get tired of white people fucking white women, where they're like, listen, we got a million videos of white girls getting fucked by white guys with three-quarter hard dicks, okay? | ||
| Can we bring in some brothers? | ||
| And then they're like, okay, we'll just try this out and see how it works. | ||
| Boom, smash hit. | ||
| Big black dudes with giant dicks fucking white girls, and just... | ||
| And for girls, that's part of their currency, right? | ||
| That they haven't had interracially. | ||
| That helps them sell in a lot of markets, right? | ||
| Yeah, for a lot of the stars, their manager would tell them, don't do it. | ||
| Don't do interracial. | ||
| Because you could charge more money. | ||
| I've talked extensively. | ||
| I just started my podcast with Asa Akira, who just won 2012. What is the podcast called? | ||
| Alright, so just for the same audience out there that doesn't know what cuckold is... | ||
| The name of the podcast is DVDASA, and all the podcasts are at DVDASA.com. | ||
| But basically, this is pretty much all I talked to also about, because I was like, is that true? | ||
| When you fuck a black dude, then your rate goes down. | ||
| And that was actually sort of a myth. | ||
| But the shit now... | ||
| So DVD, ASA stands for Double Vag, Double Anal, Sensitive Artist. | ||
| And Asa always gets pissed because she's like, Dave, get it straight. | ||
| I didn't do DVDA. Because if you do DVDA, then it's four dicks at the same time. | ||
| She said, I did DV... Break, and then at another time I did DA. So that's two dicks in your ass at once, and it's like, you know, it's... | ||
| That's medically dangerous. | ||
| I mean, she can't sit for like a week after that. | ||
| I mean, it's like... | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, it's like we just grilled her about this. | ||
| And the thing is... | ||
| Why does she do that? | ||
| She's a little, you know... | ||
| She's 5'2". | ||
| Yeah, there's like... | ||
| Yoshi knows more about porn than I do, but for what I know, most of the girls that do this are usually like ugly and no-name porn stars. | ||
| So for someone like Asa who has a huge name to do it, it's like, whoa, like... | ||
| And she's tiny, you know? | ||
| Why is she doing it? | ||
| Because it's, well... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Check out Insatiable 2, Joe. | |
| You'll explain it to me. | ||
| I went with her to the Porn Awards. | ||
| I went with her to the Porn Awards last year, and she won Best Anal, Best Double Penetration, two years in a row. | ||
| So I was like, you know, after the thing, you know, it was a... | ||
| It's a weird thing to celebrate, you know? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Because it's like you're the best butt-fucky. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You got butt-fucked the best out of anyone this year. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You got penetrated twice. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| I'm so happy for you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Oh, my God. | ||
| You won the award. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But, you know, I love her. | ||
| So I'm like sitting there and I think I'm just like... | ||
| There's not a huge... | ||
| Success rate for porn stars after porn, right? | ||
| It's like you either got to bag a rich dude or you got to get out before it just completely destroys your soul. | ||
| Too late. | ||
| I mean... | ||
| Yeah, no, you're absolutely right. | ||
| Isn't there a documentary about it? | ||
| Life After Porn. | ||
| Life After Porn? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How is that? | ||
| I just saw the first 20 minutes and it was like super sad and I was like... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I was like, you're at the top right now. | ||
| You won the fucking... | ||
| She was walking out of here like this with, like, all the awards. | ||
| I was like, you won everything this year and last year. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And, like, you fucking... | ||
| You trying to tell her to quit? | ||
| I'm not trying to tell her to quit, but, like, start... | ||
| Like, if a porn star won Performer of the Year, like, 10 years ago, that means she was, like, really sexy and, like, did sexy shit. | ||
| Like... | ||
| If you win Performer of the Year now, in 2012, 2013, that means you took dicks, like, brutally. | ||
| Like, you were slant, like a fucking bag of dicks. | ||
| And they're giving them awards and saying, good job. | ||
| And so these girls are working towards these awards. | ||
| You watch these? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| Don't they look like snuff films? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, they are. | |
| They're, like, getting dragged across the ground and thrown against the wall. | ||
| And, like, it's like caveman shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, if you check out Insatiable, which I think she's not going to do any more Insatiables. | |
| As an example, Insatiable, she's getting dragged by her hair down there and just pretty much gagged. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I mean, it does look like a snuff. | |
| It looks like rape or something. | ||
| It's horrible. | ||
| Why are people into that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Because that's what people want. | |
| There's two things people want now, like shit like that or parodies. | ||
| It's a thing with the shemale stuff. | ||
| It's like, they've already seen everything. | ||
| What's the next thing? | ||
| So I said, what is next? | ||
| Are you going to have to fuck animals? | ||
| Are you going to get your head chopped off in the next one? | ||
| What is she saying? | ||
| She's one of the girls that genuinely loves porn. | ||
| And that's why a lot of the fans like her, because she's not like, oh, I'm just going to do this until I get my real estate license. | ||
| She loves it. | ||
| She's into rough sex. | ||
| She loves fucking. | ||
| She loves it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
She's amazing. | |
| She is amazing, you know? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I love her. | |
| I love her, too. | ||
| It's a funny thing that people would like, you know, the natural instinct is to go, oh, God, what the fuck are you guys talking about? | ||
| She's amazing? | ||
| She's taking two dicks in her ass. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| She's amazing. | ||
| But the reality is, porn is something that a fucking lot of people watch, but nobody gives anybody credit for being good at it. | ||
| Oh, I mean, that's the other thing, too. | ||
| No, seriously, keep talking about that. | ||
| Because, look, we've all had bad sexual experiences where someone wasn't into it, and a girl's like, ugh, and you're losing your erection. | ||
| She's like, what's wrong? | ||
| I'm like, what the fuck's wrong with you? | ||
| What kind of a conversation do we have in here? | ||
| This is nuts. | ||
| So what you see in a scene when a girl's really into getting fucked, the reality of it... | ||
| Gets you excited. | ||
| But if someone sucks at it, it's not good. | ||
| We've all seen bad porn. | ||
| I mean, there's a lot of porn out there. | ||
| It's not all good. | ||
| And usually the hot chicks, they don't fuck like ugly fat girls. | ||
| So when you have a hot chick that does fuck like a fat, ugly chick, then it's amazing. | ||
| And she's amazing because she's done scenes where gang bangs a bunch of guys. | ||
| And I know half of those guys didn't take a bath. | ||
| And she'll smile and just do it like professional. | ||
| These are like random stranger guys? | ||
| That's the other thing. | ||
| Well, it's like open mic for porn. | ||
| So these guys are hoping they do enough. | ||
| You don't want that mic to be that close to his mouth because that's the other thing we figured out. | ||
| The podcast is pretty much me, Yoshi, and Asa. | ||
| And all this dude does is eat asses out of hookers. | ||
| And she eats a lot of ass. | ||
| And like Yoshi said, a lot of those guys don't shower and stuff. | ||
| So I'm like, I'm on a show with two people that eat ass. | ||
| All day. | ||
| Don't get pink eye from his mic. | ||
| You probably have a good immune system because of that. | ||
| Your immune system is doing battle all day with Yoshi's AIDS. I'm glad you said it and not me. | ||
| Yoshi's AIDS and Brian's AIDS in the same room. | ||
| What they are is like two competing beehives and they're hovering in the middle of the room trying to work the situation out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yoshi always tells me whose AIDS dominates this room. | |
| You can only get it once, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Different kinds. | ||
| You can get it twice? | ||
| We had this guy on, and I have to tell people who listen to this podcast, we have found a molecular biologist to debate Dr. Peter Duesberg. | ||
| We had this guy on the podcast, and a lot of people got really angry at me. | ||
| He's a professor of biology at the University of California, Berkeley, and he's got this crazy theory about HIV and AIDS. Okay. | ||
| He doesn't believe that HIV causes AIDS. | ||
| He believes that the drugs that people give people for HIV, what really is going on with these people is they have a compromised immune system from drug use. | ||
| You're giving them a drug that's designed to kill a disease that they don't even, it's not even the cause of their illness. | ||
| He's saying the cause of their illness is the fact that they're taking all these drugs. | ||
| And the people that are in HIV research, they think he's fucking crazy. | ||
| And a lot of people got mad at us for having him on. | ||
| And it's a controversial situation because obviously he's smarter than me. | ||
| I'm not a professor of biology. | ||
| He's got tenure and he does peer-reviewed stuff on cancer that's very well respected to this day. | ||
| But he's got this wacky opinion on HIV. And, you know, he insists that no one wants to debate him. | ||
| So we got this guy who's finally willing to debate him and I'll announce all of it when everything gets signed away and we figure out what day they're going to both fly in. | ||
| But we're going to bring him in here and we're going to have them debate as long as it takes on the podcast. | ||
| And either, you know, either Dewsburg is fucking crazy or Dewsburg is a genius and we have a real problem with the way people perceive this one particular disease. | ||
| I don't fucking know. | ||
| I'm just hoping that I can figure out how to navigate through the waters because I'm basically going to be like a referee in a contest that I don't understand. | ||
| Do you know anyone with AIDS besides Brian and Yoshi? | ||
| Well, they have the most AIDS. But yeah, I know a guy who has HIV. I know at least one guy. | ||
| The only time in my life that I've ever seen anyone with AIDS and it was like a lot of AIDS was when I was in Africa. | ||
| That was part of Dewsburg's problem with it. | ||
| He said that what you're seeing in Africa is not people that have HIV, it's people that have no nutrition. | ||
| He's like, you're seeing compromised immune systems because they're starving and they're in horrible climates where there's a lot of waste around. | ||
| You're seeing a lot of different things. | ||
| He's like, they're not testing these people for HIV. He goes, and the amount of people that they have tested that do have HIV in Africa, he said the number hasn't increased, but the population has tripled. | ||
| The population of Africa, they were saying, is going to be decimated by AIDS. And he was like, well, if that's the truth, why did the population increase by threefold? | ||
| Population was like, he said it was like, this is all Duesberg, I'm paraphrasing, but he said, I believe it was like 500 million, and now it's over a billion. | ||
| So he was like, the population tripled. | ||
| They got 12-inch dicks. | ||
| They like to fuck. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, the idea is that if AIDS was a communicable disease, like people are describing it, it would have swept through Africa and decimated the population. | ||
| And he's saying because it didn't, not even by any stretch of the imagination, he said it backs up his idea that it's something that's brought upon in Africa by poor nutrition, in America by drug use. | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| I know gay dudes love to party, and that's something that can't be ignored. | ||
| They fucking love to party. | ||
| And it could be a combination of them loving to party makes them more susceptible to certain diseases and illnesses. | ||
| But we all know that. | ||
| I have a friend who they're married and they're gay folks and they have a total normal married life. | ||
| But they also have friends who are gay that they talk about, that are their buddies, that they party with. | ||
| And these guys are fucking savages. | ||
| When you get a direct line into how gays... | ||
| And these are gay professional men. | ||
| I mean, one guy owns... | ||
| They do DVD. Yeah, one guy owns a clothing company, and he's really rich, and another guy... | ||
| He owns some other business, and he actually pays a straight guy and has sex with him. | ||
| He's got this straight Russian guy that he paid. | ||
| The guy was broke working at a bar, and so he started paying him for sex, and he fucks this guy in a regular basis. | ||
| So now he bought this guy a car, puts a guy up in an apartment, and just goes and bangs him. | ||
| And they go out, and they fucking party hard. | ||
| Gay guys party hard, man. | ||
| And it might just be this guy's buddies. | ||
| But when I meet these dudes and they start telling me stories about the fucking throwdowns that they all have together. | ||
| They fucking go out and do crazy drugs. | ||
| They're in this dance culture all the time. | ||
| And they love to take ecstasy. | ||
| And they get together and, you know, that's a part of what they're doing that's fun. | ||
| And that shit will decimate your immune system. | ||
| And whether or not Dewsburg's correct about all of his assumptions about AIDS, Let's set that aside for a minute and just look at the fact that there's so many of these dudes taking those drugs and that those drugs will fuck you up. | ||
| That is a fact. | ||
| Whether or not HIV causes AIDS, the majority of scientists say it does, so I have to go with them. | ||
| I mean, the majority support The idea that it's this ever-altering and changing disease that's very hard to figure out, and then it decimates the immune system. | ||
| I don't imagine that you could keep something like that a secret if it wasn't true. | ||
| So having him on was a tricky thing because I can't debate him. | ||
| I had my friend Brian Callen on. | ||
| He tried to debate him, but he got smushed. | ||
| You've got to have another genius. | ||
| So we're doing that. | ||
| So that's coming up. | ||
| I'm gonna keep hope alive that there's a cure for you, buddy. | ||
| No. | ||
| Yoshi's AIDS is incurable. | ||
| Oh, it's incurable? | ||
| Yeah, it's his own thing, man. | ||
| Sorry, bro. | ||
| It's like a fingerprint. | ||
| Sorry, bro. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Unless I fuck him with my AIDS. Yeah, it'd be like King Kong vs. | |
| Godzilla and Yoshi's ass. | ||
| You could get a film camera in there and make a cartoon reenactment of what they see. | ||
| You would just see AIDS. Doing battle with AIDS. They'll dress up like gladiators from a scene in The Lord of the Rings. | ||
| Just ogre AIDS. And on the other side, troll AIDS. And they have fucking shields on them. | ||
| On their chests and battering rams, and they're going to war inside Yoshi's ass. | ||
| Somebody make that cartoon, please. | ||
| You guys gotta throw that mic out after the show's done. | ||
| Yoshi, we will spray it. | ||
| I'm gonna let you know. | ||
| Don't feel sad. | ||
| We're gonna spray it. | ||
| Because I saw a few of those spittles, they flew off your mouth while you got really particularly excited about things. | ||
| And that's like panspermia. | ||
| That's how, like, asteroids hit other planets, and that's how life gets to Earth. | ||
| See, so you're AIDS leapfrogging onto that, you know, very moist sponge microphone cover. | ||
| That's a perfect habitat for super AIDS. I just want to make sure you're just joking. | ||
| I don't have AIDS. Of course I'm just joking. | ||
| I can't believe I have to tell you that. | ||
| You're a fucking professional comedian, man. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| Guess what? | ||
| Brian doesn't have AIDS either. | ||
| Wink, wink. | ||
| That's the other shit. | ||
| You guys are on iTunes? | ||
| Yeah, we're on iTunes. | ||
| But see, we just started our shit and we talk about AIDS and rape every... | ||
| How the fuck do you get on iTunes? | ||
|
unidentified
|
You start talking about poop now. | |
| Well, there's nothing wrong with it. | ||
| What we're saying, we didn't say... | ||
| We didn't advocate rape. | ||
| We didn't advocate anybody getting dragged away by their hair or mouth fucked. | ||
| We're just like, it's real. | ||
| It's a part of life. | ||
| It's an educational podcast. | ||
| It's very much an educational podcast. | ||
| I'm surprised we're in comedy. | ||
| We're in the comedy section. | ||
| Well, see, that's what, like, we didn't write in our description, like, it's D-V-D-A-A-S-A, but we didn't write it's double vaginal, double anal, whatever. | ||
| And so, you know, my manager's like, dude, you have a porn star on there and you have this fucking guy. | ||
| Like, do you want ever to have non-porn star guests, like, real guests on? | ||
| Oh, that's silly. | ||
| You'll have normal guests. | ||
| Well, we have this currency now. | ||
| Like, for me, I haven't painted in a while. | ||
| And, like, my paintings have gotten, like, you know, like, ridiculously expensive. | ||
| So I could paint guests to bribe them to come on. | ||
| Yeah, that'd be amazing. | ||
| And Asa said last week, she said she'll blow anyone who comes on our show. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Yeah, and she said it's, like, so, like, not joking. | ||
| Like, yeah, whatever. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Can I come? | |
| That's beautiful. | ||
| That's beautiful. | ||
| See, that's what keeps hope alive. | ||
| It's a good currency to have. | ||
| You're hearing things like that. | ||
| That is excellent currency. | ||
| But people would go on your show anyway, period. | ||
| Why would they not want to go on? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| They don't want their career destroyed. | ||
| Wow, that's so silly. | ||
| In this day and age, people are silly. | ||
| They've got to relax. | ||
| Just be who the fuck you are. | ||
| And especially in a podcast form is the best place for that because you get a chance to express yourself for hours. | ||
| Definitely. | ||
| It's not like if you said something fucked up and then like, remember when Hugh Grant got blown by that hooker and got arrested and went on The Tonight Show and Jay Leno goes, what the hell were you thinking? | ||
| Jay Leno does his famous line that brought The Tonight Show back. | ||
| And you know, when they have those shows, they talk about the history of the war between The Tonight Show and The David Letterman Show. | ||
| That was the show that turned the tide. | ||
| Jay Leno looked at Hugh Grant and said, what the hell were you thinking? | ||
| Well, when he did that, that was like this tiny little conversation that only took place over a couple of minutes. | ||
| Wouldn't you love to sit Hugh Grant down and give him a glass of wine and give him some weed and talk to him for hours and go, how many hookers did you get? | ||
| You can tell me. | ||
| Yeah, I mean... | ||
| You and Elizabeth, whatever the fuck her name was, you're broken up. | ||
| She was super hot. | ||
| She was super hot. | ||
| Like, one of the hottest chicks ever. | ||
| Ever. | ||
| And, like, even with that, you had to go out and get this strange new pussy. | ||
| Well, he got dirty street, too. | ||
| Yeah, you needed that nasty. | ||
| Yeah, he's a rich, famous man. | ||
| If he wanted to, he could... | ||
| This is before the internet, you know what I mean? | ||
| He could have gone to get a, like, LA Weekly and gotten a prostitute. | ||
| Right. | ||
| They always had that. | ||
| He wanted it dirty. | ||
| He wanted to go street. | ||
| I don't remember his ex-girlfriend, but she's so beautiful. | ||
| Elizabeth Hurley? | ||
| My reaction was, I don't think she's nasty in bed. | ||
| And probably lazy. | ||
| Listen, probably lazy. | ||
| Maybe lazy with Hugh Grant. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| I bet if the right dude gets a hold of her, she'll fuck the life out of you. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Fair enough. | ||
| Yeah, it's just you gotta impress a girl like that. | ||
| You gotta fuck the shit out of her. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| That girl's so pretty and she's famous. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You gotta do a lot of work. | ||
| So he's probably tired of doing all that work. | ||
| He wanted to pull over and just get his dick sucked. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Bitch, get in the car. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Suck it. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Get out! | ||
| Here's your money. | ||
| That's what he wanted. | ||
| He wanted some crazy moment, like the exact opposite of what it is at home. | ||
| At home, he probably has to work for it, man. | ||
| She probably turns him down all the time. | ||
| She probably argues with him. | ||
| She probably challenges his alpha position. | ||
| That's why I don't understand why you got married. | ||
| Because you're like a free dude. | ||
| You're like, I'm going to do comedy. | ||
| I'm going to do UFC shit. | ||
| I'm going to have my own podcast. | ||
| It's like, that part of your life is so free. | ||
| And then like... | ||
| I've done, like, everything I can to, like, be married, you know? | ||
| To not be married. | ||
| Yeah, to not be married. | ||
| And, like, that's why it's a little bit... | ||
| Well, it's all about finding the right person. | ||
| If you find the right person and you start having children... | ||
| Having a child, to me, is way more of a commitment than getting married. | ||
| You guys had the kid first? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| Having a child is way more of a commitment. | ||
| So you suck at pulling out? | ||
| I suck at pulling out. | ||
| Yeah, a whole bit about it. | ||
| The first one wasn't planned. | ||
| The second one was planned. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| But, uh... | ||
| Yeah, marriage is preposterous. | ||
| The idea is ridiculous. | ||
| The idea that you're going to write some shit down and that someone is going to be legally entangled with you and then you're going to have to sit in front of a bunch of other people. | ||
| And when you want to break up with her, they have to decide how your money gets distributed. | ||
| And in your situation, it's a terrible idea because you've got a lot of money. | ||
| Before I had a lot of money, I never was into the idea of it. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| It's stupid. | ||
| It's a stupid idea. | ||
| My wife likes it, so I did it because we have children. | ||
| You wanted to make her happy. | ||
| And it makes her happy. | ||
| And I'm not going anywhere, man. | ||
| I'm not going to be that guy. | ||
| No dirty street hookers? | ||
| None of that shit? | ||
| I want to make a robot dirty street hooker. | ||
| So it's not a real person. | ||
| You just came back from that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Are they getting closer to making that robot? | ||
| You were at the AVN Awards, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, they had some fucked dolls there. | |
| Which is, for non-fucked-up people, again, the Adult Video News Awards. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They had a lot of real doll technology there. | |
| Do they have one that talks to you? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| It's still kind of just like you're fucking a dead person. | ||
| Well, they had a Japanese robot. | ||
| They had a Japanese robot that was fairly realistic. | ||
| It wasn't a sexual robot, but it was a robot that would talk to you. | ||
| For companionship. | ||
| The lips moved fairly realistically. | ||
| We're going to get to a Blade Runner day. | ||
| It's going to happen. | ||
| We're getting there. | ||
| It's on the way. | ||
| It's 100%. | ||
| I mean, if you look at the fact that the... | ||
| Supercomputers that they had in the 1960s filled entire rooms and they didn't have the power that your iPhone has. | ||
| Just think about that and think about these robots now and what we're going to have a hundred years from now or a thousand years from now. | ||
| The Blade Runner thing is 100% inevitable. | ||
| You're invited to the wedding with my first robot. | ||
| You're going to marry a robot? | ||
| Dude, they'll kill you. | ||
| They'll kill you when they find out that you have an explanation date on them. | ||
| Imagine if you bought super hot robot hookers, and they have this implanted memory of their life with you, this perfect life with you, and how deeply, deeply, deeply in love with you they are. | ||
| And then they realize that on year five, they die, because that's when you get tired of chicks, and you want to bring in another one, and... | ||
| Program a new life into her brain as well. | ||
| I like this sci-fi portal shit. | ||
| This is total real. | ||
| That's 100% possible in the future. | ||
| Here's the other thing. | ||
| When you go to a sex store or a porn convention like that... | ||
| And you see like the dildos that they have, like this advanced dildo technology they have, teledildonics or whatever. | ||
| It's like there's not a human dick that could do what these dildos do. | ||
| They vibrate, they rotate, they go like this. | ||
| So I think last year, right? | ||
| Last year was like the first year I went. | ||
| And I'm walking out and there's like a hard drive that looks like that. | ||
| And the guy's like, come over here. | ||
| And I'm like, no. | ||
| He's like, come over here. | ||
| He's like, stick your finger in that computer right there. | ||
| And I'm like, no, I don't want to. | ||
| And he's like, dude, there was no one else around. | ||
| He's like, just stick your finger in that hard drive. | ||
| And I was like, alright. | ||
| And I stuck it in, and it was wet. | ||
| And it was warm. | ||
| And it was doing things a human vagina can never do. | ||
| It was like... | ||
| And I was like, I'm about to come out of my finger right now. | ||
| And I was like... | ||
| Just the same way girls who use a lot of dildos, their pussies become desensitized. | ||
| I was like, if I buy this thing right now, I'll never fucking leave the house again. | ||
| I'll fuck this little computer box. | ||
| And if they put it into one of these android things, I mean, there won't be a woman who has a vagina tighter than that ever. | ||
| There was a science fiction comic book that I read when I was a kid. | ||
| I'll never forget it. | ||
| Was it heavy metal stuff? | ||
| It was something along those lines. | ||
| Whatever it was, it was a black and white one. | ||
| I remember it was a robot. | ||
| The guy had a robot as a slave or whatever, but the robot was very human-like and very muscular and big. | ||
| And the robot started fucking his wife. | ||
| And then he went to stop the robot from fucking his wife. | ||
| And the robot broke his arm. | ||
| And it was this really scary thing. | ||
| This robot had this big, giant cock. | ||
| And it was in the thing that he was going to continue fucking. | ||
| And the robot was laughing as he was fucking his wife. | ||
| While the guy's thinking, what did I do? | ||
| Holding his broken arm, which is all fucked up, while this robot fucks his wife. | ||
| But that image really stuck into my head. | ||
| Because if we really do develop... | ||
| Artificial human being that thinks it's a human being. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| And especially if we make them ridiculously strong, they're going to fuck your wife. | ||
| And they're going to break your arm if you try to stop them. | ||
| Here, get it right now. | ||
| They're not real. | ||
| Get that website, Brian. | ||
| Robot Cuckold. | ||
| Robot Cuckold dot com! | ||
| Robo Cuckold. | ||
| Yeah, we're so desensitized. | ||
| We need cuckolding, we need mouth gagging, we need double anal, double vag... | ||
| I mean, it's crazy. | ||
| They already do that in Japan. | ||
| These guys are into otaku. | ||
| They're crazy fan of a particular subject, like porn or whatever. | ||
| They're doing this ceremonial marriage thing with the robots and shit like that in Japan. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| In Japan? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| My home country's weird. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| But yeah, they're doing that. | ||
| It's... | ||
| It's really interesting. | ||
| Like I said, I'm happy, but I wouldn't recommend it. | ||
| I wouldn't recommend it to other people. | ||
| You found the right one. | ||
| Yeah, but it's not common. | ||
| Where did you meet her? | ||
| I don't like to talk too much about it on the podcast, but the odds of finding somebody that you get along with as good as I get along with her, they're pretty slim. | ||
| I haven't found that many people in my whole life that I get along with like that. | ||
| It's a compatibility thing, because I'm not the right dude for a lot of chicks, and you're not the right dude for a lot of chicks. | ||
| You've got to find the one who's like, that's what I've been looking for. | ||
| Well, I'm happy to hear that, man. | ||
| That's cool, man. | ||
| Sweetie. | ||
| It's good to be happy, and the idea of being able to raise kids was always a real scary thing for me when I was younger. | ||
| When I was in my 20s, I thought of it as a burden. | ||
| That's all I thought of it as. | ||
| I was like, oh my god, imagine if I had a kid right now, I'd be fucked. | ||
| I don't even like feeding my cat. | ||
| If I had a kid, Jesus Christ. | ||
| But once you go through the experience and you become an adult, you kind of have a different perspective on just the idea of a finite lifetime and the idea of the concept of being able to raise a human from the very beginning and like educate them and expose them to different things along the way and communicate with them. | ||
| How old were you when you had your first kid? | ||
| The first biological kid, I was 40. Totally different. | ||
| So guys like you and Bourdain give me hope, because I think Bourdain had his first kid. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He was 50, I think, when he had his first kid. | |
| It's easier to understand what's going on. | ||
| If I was 21, if I got my girlfriend pregnant, and I married her back then, I might get... | ||
| So overwhelmed by the responsibility of it all. | ||
| The other thing is that I'm in a comfortable place in my life where I don't have to worry about shit. | ||
| I don't worry about my job. | ||
| I've been working for the UFC for like 12 years now, and then even more before. | ||
| It's been 11 years, but even more back in the day. | ||
| It's like another two years from another owner. | ||
| I've been doing it for so long. | ||
| It's not something I worry about losing. | ||
| So out of all this... | ||
| Out of all the things that you do, you used to do the Fear Factor, you do the UFC, you do your podcast, and you do stand-up comedy. | ||
| Out of all these things, which is your passion? | ||
| Is it all like, I love everything? | ||
| I really do love everything. | ||
| Except Fear Factor. | ||
| I love the money from Fear Factor. | ||
| That was it. | ||
| Every now and then I loved it. | ||
| Every now and then it was fun. | ||
| It was fun when they were cool people. | ||
| It could be cool, but I wouldn't do it for free. | ||
| But I would do all the other shit for free. | ||
| Because you love it. | ||
| Yeah, it's all the other shit. | ||
| I don't think, oh, I'm just doing this for the money. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And doing something that you... | ||
| The difference between, say, the UFC and Fear Factor was sometimes I would enjoy Fear Factor. | ||
| Right. | ||
| When I work for the UFC, I always enjoy it. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I mean, I like... | ||
| Some people might think it's a boring fight I enjoy. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Because anything can happen. | ||
| It might be boring for a couple seconds and a dude gets cracked and it becomes the most exciting shit ever. | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| You know, I'm ready. | ||
| I enjoy it. | ||
| So the difference is if you're doing something you're only doing for the money, you're always going to have this feeling like, all right, just plow through this and do it for the money. | ||
| But when you're doing something that you love, you eliminate that bad feeling. | ||
| Well, that's the thing is when I hear you doing the announcing for UFC, I'm like, This guy sounds like he's super, super pumped right now. | ||
| Like, you know, it sounds like you're into it. | ||
| So, and like, you're like, oh, when you're like referring back to fights from like 10 years earlier, I'm like, is there something in front of you showing those things? | ||
| You remember those things? | ||
| No, not only that, I don't even do any research. | ||
| You just love this sport so much. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| My research... | ||
| So can I do some trivia with you? | ||
| Sure, yeah. | ||
| Alright, so the first time BJ Penn fought George St. Pierre was like in Vegas. | ||
| Ten years ago? | ||
| Or eight years ago? | ||
| No, no, it was not long ago. | ||
| It was probably 2006, I would guess. | ||
| I can't tell you the exact numbers, but I can tell you what happened in the fight. | ||
| So who won that fight? | ||
| Well, George won the fight, but I thought BJ did more damage, and all George did was take him down a couple of times in the later rounds, but BJ thumbed George in the eye. | ||
| It was a very interesting fight. | ||
| He thumbed George in the eye in the first round, in the right eye, and he had a cut. | ||
| And that really fucked with them. | ||
| That was the first time George had faced real serious adversity inside the cage. | ||
| Because it wasn't a thumb on purpose. | ||
| People have to realize that because of the fact that thumbs aren't exposed, even with a legitimate punch, which BJ's was, a completely legitimate punch, oftentimes a thumb can go right into the eyeball. | ||
| And you could really fuck up a guy's vision from that. | ||
| And it was just because BJ had cleaner striking back then. | ||
| I mean, he fucking won the fight. | ||
| That's what I think. | ||
| I think he won the fight, too. | ||
| Because I believe he won, he did more damage, and I think ultimately the Japanese had a better way of judging fights than the standard 10-point must system that we use, which is really like a boxing system. | ||
| This is unbelievable. | ||
| This is fucking crazy. | ||
| I mean, you watch how many fights, the fact that you remember that from the... | ||
| Well, I've called at least a thousand. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| At least. | ||
| There's been more than a thousand. | ||
| You want to hear a funny story about that fight? | ||
| Yeah, sure. | ||
| So, I just... | ||
| I was in the Congo. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, shit! | |
| How many stories begin with that? | ||
| And I was there for Vice, and I just came back to LA. And I have a bit of a gambling problem. | ||
| And the way my gambling career, I guess, is set up is... | ||
| Basically, yeah, 2006 or around that time, like six, seven years ago, when I was going there, I was going there every week and winning about $1,000. | ||
| And then I would stop. | ||
| I could for sure go to Vegas and win, you know, between $800 and $1,000, you know? | ||
| And that was what I was doing for money and then I would be painting on the side or whatever. | ||
| And I would do that every week. | ||
| So I came back from Africa and I was gonna go on, you know, I was gonna fly to go or drive to go see my parents. | ||
| I hadn't seen them in a few months and BJ was being sponsored by the clothing company Ruka. | ||
| Do you know RVCA? Yeah, sure. | ||
| Yeah, I know those guys. | ||
| So Pat, the owner, is one of my best friends and he goes, Dave, you got to take... | ||
| BJ's... | ||
| The fight was the next day with George St. Pierre and he said... | ||
| Something with the logo was not big enough or something, so he still had the pants. | ||
| He's like, these pants need to get to BJ in Vegas. | ||
| And I said, all right, so send someone. | ||
| Why do I got to go? | ||
| He's like, because you fucking love Vegas. | ||
| And I'm like, dude, I'm still wearing the same clothes that I was wearing in Congo for like two months. | ||
| I need to go shower. | ||
| I need to go see my parents. | ||
| He's like... | ||
| He's like, Dave. | ||
| And then he passes me $40,000, which was the most amount of cash I'd ever seen in my life. | ||
| And he goes, you need to go put this on BJ to win. | ||
| And I go, whoa, dude. | ||
| He's like, you love to gamble. | ||
| I trust you. | ||
| He goes, go give BJ his pants. | ||
| Go give BJ's pants and go put this money on BJ to win. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| And I was like, are you sure, dude? | ||
| And he's like... | ||
| I was like, whoa, okay. | ||
| So he gives me a clean shirt. | ||
| It was just like a BJ Penn security shirt. | ||
| You know, it said BJ Penn and then security on the back. | ||
| So I take the red eye into Vegas. | ||
| And sitting next to me in a Safeway plastic bag is BJ Penn's pants. | ||
| And in my pocket is $40,000. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jesus. | |
| And he goes, when you get to Vegas, go up to the penthouse. | ||
| It was at Mandalay Bay, I think. | ||
| He goes, go to Mandalay Bay. | ||
| And at this point, I knew BJ. I'm pretty good friends with him now, but I didn't know him that well back then. | ||
| So I get there, and I go upstairs to his room, and he travels with his whole family. | ||
| They're usually loud and fun. | ||
| And I get up to the room, and I have his pants. | ||
| I go, hey, Pat told me to bring you your pants. | ||
| And he's like, okay, thanks. | ||
| And his brother Reagan's like... | ||
| It was like a weird vibe in the room. | ||
| And I was like, what the fuck's going on, dude? | ||
| He's like, come over here. | ||
| He's like, the guy in the next room over... | ||
| Brought home a 21-year-old hooker, fucked her and strangled her, and then just dropped her in the hallway. | ||
| Killed her? | ||
| And killed her. | ||
| She's dead. | ||
| And because she was dead in the hallway, right in front of BJ's... | ||
| Even though they knew he didn't do it, they took him in for questioning that day. | ||
| So I'm like freaking out and he's like, dude, BJ's been at the police station all day answering questions and he has this fight tomorrow night. | ||
| So I'm like, whoa. | ||
| So I run downstairs, I call Pat, I'm like, So this was the day of the weigh-ins or the day of the fight? | ||
| The day before. | ||
| The day before the weigh-ins. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So he wasn't cutting any weight for that fight. | ||
| The day right before the fight. | ||
| The day right before the fight. | ||
| So the day of the weigh-ins. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So I don't know exactly because I just got there at midnight. | ||
| So I go downstairs. | ||
| I go, Pat. | ||
| Are you sure you want me to put this money on him? | ||
| Because he just came back from the police station. | ||
| He might be a little fucked up. | ||
| He's like, dude, BJ's a champ. | ||
| He's gonna fucking smoke this guy. | ||
| And for a guy who's been to Vegas every week, I go there every week for the last 20 years, I had never been to Vegas where it felt like this before. | ||
| More Hawaiians that had never left Hawaii. | ||
| They weren't even the main fight, right? | ||
| But George St. Pierre is the hero of Canada. | ||
| So there was all these fucking Canadians in Vegas, and then there was all these Hawaiians in Vegas. | ||
| And it was just like, fuck Canada! | ||
| And fuck Hawaii! | ||
| I was playing cards, and people would see my BJ Penn shirt, and they'd go, fuck BJ Penn, fuck Hawaii. | ||
| And then all these people would be like... | ||
| It was electric. | ||
| It was crazy. | ||
| And I was like... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| How rude. | ||
| And then this is when I found out that a sports book is not actually part of the casino. | ||
| It's a separate entity that's like rents out. | ||
| So I went and I said, 40 grand on BJ Penn to win. | ||
| After I talked to Pat, I was like, hey, are you sure you want me to put this money? | ||
| He's like, BJ's going to kill this guy. | ||
| It doesn't matter. | ||
| He's got the heart of a champion. | ||
| I was like, all right. | ||
| And I go in there and the odds, if you don't remember, everyone already thought BJ was going to win. | ||
| So if I put 40 grand on BJ to win, I would have only got back like 30 grand, I think. | ||
| And if I put 40 on St. Pierre, I would have got back like 70,000, I think. | ||
| So the odds were way in BJ Penn's favor. | ||
| So they wouldn't even take a bet that big. | ||
| So I was like, oh shit. | ||
| So he's like, and they were, all the sports books were closing. | ||
| So they're like, you have to do it the next day. | ||
| So I was like, all right, I'm gonna, I'll just go to strip club, I guess. | ||
| So I go to strip club and as soon as I walk in or get out of the car, A security guard sees me, and he goes, right this way, sir. | ||
| And then he takes me to this giant private room, and I'm like, still smell like shit from Africa. | ||
| And I'm like, they just bring over the hottest strippers, and then I'm like, what the fuck's going on? | ||
| And I realize I'm wearing a BJ Penn security shirt, so they think BJ's coming. | ||
| They're like, when's BJ going to come here? | ||
| And all these security guards are sucking my dick, just like, BJ's the best, he's going to win the fight tomorrow. | ||
| And I was like, oh. | ||
| So I'm like, I'm going to take advantage of the situation. | ||
| LAUGHTER I'm like sitting there with my friend Harry. | ||
| We're like, you know, getting lap dances, all this shit. | ||
| And then I was like, fuck, they're gonna at some point expect VJ to come here. | ||
| So I sneak out the side. | ||
| And then I don't think I slept that night. | ||
| It was one of those nights where I stay at the strip club till like the sun comes up. | ||
| And then the next day, I started putting the money down on BJ to win, but it was like seven grand at like the, you know, the Venetian and then like eight grand over here and I had to split it up a little bit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| So I was like running around and I couldn't get the money spread out. | ||
| So I was only able to bet like 32 grand and I still had eight grand in cash on me. | ||
| And then the fight starts. | ||
| And like you said, like it was just like you said, like Everyone the place is going nuts like it's going fucking insane like everyone's like fuck like Canada fuck Hawaii and it's like and then the fight happens I'm like oh fuck St. Pierre looks bloody first round I'm like this fights done like BJ won and then St. Pierre is a smart fighter so he like deflected a lot or whatever and then when decision time came around They gave it to St. Pierre by one point decision and the place | ||
| goes and they started like screaming and Like, I couldn't believe it. | ||
| Like, I'm like, oh my god, because I had my own money on the fight too. | ||
| He walks off stage, his brother's like, get him drunk right away. | ||
| And then, I don't know if you go out at all after the fights or whatever, but I've never seen Vegas this violent before in my life. | ||
| Like, there was like street brawls inside casinos, there was Canadians beating up Hawaiians, Hawaiians beating up, like, it was crazy. | ||
| I knew a Hawaiian guy that put his house on, you know, up for the whole thing. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, it was insane. | ||
| People were going crazy. | ||
| I've never, in all the years I've been in Vegas, I've never seen a situation like this where people... | ||
| He bet his house on BJ? Yeah, I mean, it was fucking crazy. | ||
| What do you win when you bet your house? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Win another house? | ||
| I think you just put the value of it up. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't know the details of it. | ||
| That's ridiculous. | ||
| So he lost his house. | ||
| Yeah, so he lost his house and you saw the fight. | ||
| That guy's an idiot. | ||
| That's an idiotic move. | ||
| Especially when you know the judging in MMA. Judging in MMA is so sketchy. | ||
| Yeah, I mean it was fucking crazy. | ||
| So then, just as a side thing, the girl that I was with for seven years... | ||
| And we had just broken up, happened to be in Vegas. | ||
| So I was having dinner with her after and I was telling her what was happening. | ||
| I was like, dude, I just lost $32,000 off my friend's money on this thing. | ||
| And she was like, oh. | ||
| And I was calling him and I was saying, hey, Pat, I still have eight grand of your money. | ||
| Do you want me to gamble with it and win your 32 grand back? | ||
| And he's like... | ||
| Get your fucking ass back over here. | ||
| Like, he was so pissed off. | ||
| And so I was just having dinner with her. | ||
| And then he calls me back and he goes, you know what? | ||
| I was planning on winning the money or losing it, so go for it. | ||
| And I was like, I can do this? | ||
| And remember, I've only won $1,000. | ||
| That was like the most money I'd ever won. | ||
| I never even had like $8,000 or $40,000. | ||
| So I was like, shit, I'm going to walk into that high limit room for the first time in my life. | ||
| So... | ||
| But I'm talking with her and, you know, like right after a long break, you've been together with someone for a long time and you break up, there's like that maybe you're still going to get together. | ||
| So I'm like, fuck, I'm going to go gamble right now. | ||
| And then in this situation, who the fuck was that guy? | ||
| The Rush Hour guy. | ||
| Chris Tucker. | ||
| Oh, Chris Tucker. | ||
| So Chris Tucker and like, you know, a posse of like 40 people like walk in. | ||
| Then they start hitting on her right away. | ||
| Right when I got up so I was like fuck I gotta go win this money but like Chris Tucker looks like he's gonna I was like sort of stuck I was like fuck this motherfucker is hitting on my ex-girlfriend and I was like alright I'm just gonna run and do it so I walked into the Venetian high limit room for the first time and then eight grand in like thousand dollar chips is like You know, it's like a little stack. | ||
| And I split it up and I started playing like my system the way I play. | ||
| And I won about 36 grand within like 15 minutes. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| And that fucked me up. | ||
| It's like smoking weed your whole life and then doing cocaine, you know? | ||
| So then I called him. | ||
| I was like, hey, Pat, I'm up to 36. You want me to win the last? | ||
| He's like, get your fucking ass back to Costa Mesa right now. | ||
| I was like, all right, all right, all right. | ||
| I was like, I really think I can win the whole 40. He's like, stop, stop right now. | ||
| So I stopped and then I sort of blame BJ for my gambling problem because after that moment I could never go to Vegas again and just win a thousand. | ||
| I had to win at least 20 grand. | ||
| Is it because of the rush? | ||
| You can't go backwards, you know? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| I'm like, I just won $36,000 with this guy's money. | ||
| Why couldn't I win it with my own money? | ||
| Right. | ||
| And I didn't have that kind of money to gamble with, so I took a loan out to do it. | ||
| You took a loan out and then you started gambling? | ||
| I was very confident that I could do it, you know? | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And how did that work out? | ||
| I made a small fortune doing that. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, I can't play at most of the casinos in Vegas. | ||
| What do you play? | ||
| I play every table game. | ||
| Poker, I don't really play so much. | ||
| I play for fun, and now sometimes they invite me to celebrity poker things. | ||
| I beat, actually, all the UFC guys. | ||
| I beat Chuck Liddell, I beat... | ||
| Fuck, I can't think of the guy's name right now. | ||
| What is it about... | ||
| Why are you so good at this? | ||
| Why are you so good at card games? | ||
| I think, to answer your question, I think it's because I'm really good at also pulling out, you know? | ||
| Like, no, I'm not even joking. | ||
| Like, I'm really awesome at it. | ||
| Like, people are like, the amount of fucking you do, the fact that you haven't got a girl pregnant right now, I'm like, because I'm extremely disciplined, you know? | ||
| And I knew that. | ||
| Like, gambling, sex, like, Anything that is enjoyable becomes an addiction, right? | ||
| It can be. | ||
| Because you cannot stop if you're an addict. | ||
| You want to keep doing it. | ||
| And you can't stop. | ||
| And then you're in an AA thing going, I don't know, I just went into the bar to have one drink, and the next thing you know, and that's everyone's Vegas story, right? | ||
| They're like, I was up, and that's why Vegas is there, because no one ever stops. | ||
| So you're the type of person that actually can stop. | ||
| I know that I can't stop, so I hire someone to come with me to physically make me stop. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, and I've been doing that since I was 15. You've hired someone to come gamble with you since you were 15. From 15 to 23, I consistently lost every paycheck. | ||
| And I would be going back from Vegas with that. | ||
| I don't understand. | ||
| I worked at Toys R Us for two months. | ||
| I made a couple hundred dollars, and I went to Vegas, and I doubled it. | ||
| But now I'm leaving with nothing. | ||
| It was like, I had it, but why didn't I leave with it? | ||
| Nobody leaves with it. | ||
| And it was just baffling. | ||
| I was like... | ||
| You can come to Vegas and win. | ||
| People win money here, but nobody ever leaves with it. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| What the fuck is that? | ||
| And it's like the same thing as an alcoholic who's like, I had a nice buzz going. | ||
| Why did I have to take it to the point where I blacked out and was puking? | ||
| It's like, because you can't stop. | ||
| So I was like, if I can pinpoint, if I can know about myself and be honest with myself that I definitely cannot stop, why don't I just hire someone to stop me? | ||
| I tell him, look, when I get to this number, stop me. | ||
| And if I keep going, grab me by my throat, pick me up. | ||
| And so I developed this whole system of like, you know, pulling out. | ||
| And it's, it worked for a long time. | ||
| And it actually, it helped, like, in every aspect of my life. | ||
| So do you have this guy with you everywhere you go? | ||
| Well, I did for a long time, you know. | ||
| He's like, hold on, let me check your balls. | ||
| You're not ready to come yet. | ||
| All right, keep going. | ||
| No, he was awesome. | ||
| He's Harry Kim. | ||
| He was like my partner. | ||
| We hitchhiked around the whole world together. | ||
| We did a show on Vice where we hitchhiked from like LA to Miami, Tijuana to Alaska, Beijing to Hong Kong. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| And you filmed the show doing it? | ||
| We filmed the show doing it and it's called Thumbs Up. | ||
| And yeah, I mean... | ||
| What year did you do this? | ||
| This was years ago. | ||
| We probably did the first one seven years ago. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So, yeah, to answer your question, yeah, I did bring them everywhere with me. | ||
| And doing that allowed the both of us to, like, actually never grow up, you know? | ||
| Because we're like, hey, let's keep fucking, let's keep the party going. | ||
| Like, okay, let's just go to Vegas and win 20 grand. | ||
| And we would do it. | ||
| And, you know, that's around the time we met you, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And Joe, Harry's great. | ||
| He's like catty, wouldn't you say? | ||
| Like, he'll help you, right? | ||
| And I'll be watching him gamble, and I don't have a stomach for it. | ||
| Like, there's times Davey losing $1,000, like $5,000, $10,000. | ||
| Like, I just had to walk away. | ||
| But Harry's so disciplined, and he gives them good advice. | ||
| And they worked as a team. | ||
| So I leave. | ||
| A couple hours later, they'll come back. | ||
| They'll just pull hundreds of bills on bed. | ||
| So how does that work? | ||
| They tell you you can't come and play in the casino anymore. | ||
| It's not like your band, but they definitely let you know you're not welcome anymore. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What the fuck? | |
| They make all kinds of things uncomfortable for you. | ||
| Like how? | ||
| Like a casino that is welcoming to me. | ||
| And I'm not some weird math genius or anything. | ||
| My method... | ||
| Like, I could explain to you right now how to pull out, right? | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Like, you fuck a girl and when it feels good, you just pull out. | ||
| Like, way before you're gonna come, you know? | ||
| So I could sit here and, like, the shit with me gambling is super simple. | ||
| And I actually haven't gambled in a long time because I don't need to anymore. | ||
| But basically, I could explain it to you, but to actually do it, it's, like, almost impossible. | ||
| And I know that, too. | ||
| That's why I have Harry with me. | ||
| And it's like, if you go to Vegas right now, because of card counting, because of all these math nerds and shit, Blackjack, the most maximum bet you could ever bet on Blackjack is $25,000. | ||
| A hand? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's to restrict you from playing progressive. | ||
| Basically, progressive is if you bet and you lose, you just double it each time. | ||
| So you can just keep doubling forever if you have the bankroll, and you'll never lose. | ||
| I bet $10, I lose it. | ||
| And then once you get it back, you're out. | ||
| Then you start over at $10 again. | ||
| And they get you where they lock it off at 25,000 so that you're always ahead. | ||
| But I got to a point. | ||
| I mean, the Vegas stories I got, they're just unreal. | ||
| I got to a point where they got rid of that for me. | ||
| They would let me bet whatever I want. | ||
| I was betting like a quarter million a hand on blackjack. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What?! | |
| Jesus fucking Christ. | ||
| What does that feel like in your hands, in your feet, in your spinal cord? | ||
| It's the shemale of gambling. | ||
| It's like you've done everything. | ||
| You've done everything. | ||
| You've done everything. | ||
| You've done anal. | ||
| You've gotten the blowjob. | ||
| Ass to mouth. | ||
| You've done ass to mouth. | ||
| You've got the AIDS. You've got everything. | ||
| You have to eat a plate of shit. | ||
| And now you're like, I'm going to have to eat shit. | ||
| And it was progressive. | ||
| It was like, you know, every time I went to Vegas, I would win a thousand dollars. | ||
| Then every time I went to Vegas, I won 20 grand. | ||
| And then so your brain goes, well, why couldn't you do it with the same style, but with more money? | ||
| And as long as the casinos kept letting me raise the max bet, I could keep pushing it harder and harder. | ||
| You, right now, are creating gambling addicts. | ||
| They're listening to this like, this guy's smart, I'm smart too! | ||
| I'm gonna go out and make a living gambling! | ||
| Fuck working here! | ||
| You have to risk everything. | ||
| You have to risk everything. | ||
| Like, you're already, like... | ||
| You might have to risk everything you worked for your whole life so that you can win. | ||
| You can't pussy out. | ||
| If you're gonna go for it, then you have to pull the trigger. | ||
| So how do you change the odds? | ||
| The odds are that the casino wins 51% of the time, right? | ||
| Or plus? | ||
| Is it plus? | ||
| You're not gonna take down Vegas. | ||
| What are you going to do then? | ||
| You're going to just stick the tip in and get a little bit and then it's like Vegas is Goliath and you're this tiny little speck and you're just taking little nicks out of it. | ||
| You're not trying to take the house down. | ||
| How do you keep doing it though? | ||
| How do you keep putting it on the positive side? | ||
| I still don't understand how you overcome the 51%. | ||
| Is the 51% a mathematical thing because they're dealing? | ||
| I mean, what is the 51? | ||
| Whatever the number is, if people are correcting me. | ||
| Yeah, it's something like that. | ||
| But it's pretty much 50-50, right? | ||
| Baccarat is, I think, the best odds of any game. | ||
| Which one's that? | ||
| Baccarat is like you're trying to get to natural 9. A natural nine. | ||
| Baccarat is like one of the stupidest games ever. | ||
| It's what James Bond plays. | ||
| That motherfucker. | ||
| It's the game where when you walk past, it's always Chinese people writing numbers down and screaming and tearing up the cards. | ||
| But basically, it looks the most complicated, but it's like the same thing as them flipping a coin. | ||
| Like there's nothing you can do. | ||
| You can't hit. | ||
| You can't stay. | ||
| Whatever's going to happen is going to happen. | ||
| You could bet house or you can bet banker. | ||
| So it's the closest to like a 50-50 kind of bet. | ||
| You can bet. | ||
| And so basically, like I said, you bet progressive. | ||
| Every time you lose, you just double it. | ||
| And the second you win it, you just go upstairs, lock it up, and you just do that a couple times. | ||
| And then you leave. | ||
| And you'll win every time. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| You don't sit there and you go, oh, I'm trying to like... | ||
| Right. | ||
| And you leave when the feeling is the best. | ||
| Like breaking it down to sex again. | ||
| Is the best feeling after you come? | ||
| Because after you come, you just want to go to sleep. | ||
| The best feeling is when you're about to come. | ||
| You feel it coming. | ||
| I guess coming actually is... | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| Coming's overrated. | ||
| Depends on if someone's rubbing your balls or not. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Coming's overrated? | ||
| I think so. | ||
| Well, it's because you're pulling out all the time. | ||
| Yeah, that's probably true. | ||
| When you're shooting loads and chicks, it's a hundred times better. | ||
| It is. | ||
| Like, that's why everybody, remember when you were young and you were psyched when your girlfriend was on the pill? | ||
| You're like, oh yeah, no condos? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Boom! | |
| Blast inside of her. | ||
| It's the greatest feeling of all time. | ||
| It's so much better than pulling out. | ||
| Yeah, that's true. | ||
| It's true. | ||
| I'm so psyched that you fucking have this unbelievable recall with these fights. | ||
| BJ won that fucking fight, man! | ||
| Yeah, well, it was very close, though. | ||
| You know, the real problem is in judging. | ||
| There's an issue in judging. | ||
| There's also an issue in the way they're scoring fights, a 10-point must system. | ||
| It's like, what's a 10-8 round? | ||
| What's a 10-7 round? | ||
| I mean, is it about damage? | ||
| Is it about knockdowns? | ||
| Is it about ground control? | ||
| I mean, I just hate Canada. | ||
| That's why I was like... | ||
| Canada's awesome, man. | ||
| How could you say that? | ||
| We're both banned from there. | ||
| Canada's fucking amazing. | ||
| It's so fun. | ||
| Me and Yoshi both can't go to Canada or Japan. | ||
| Well, you're both fucked, because I'll tell you what, Canada's the shit. | ||
| I'm going to Montreal in March. | ||
| What are you talking about? | ||
| I love it. | ||
| Well, they talk a little odd, but they're the nicest people on earth. | ||
| That's for sure. | ||
| I love it up there, man. | ||
| I'm getting booked. | ||
| I think I'm doing Vancouver in March, boo-boo, so hang on. | ||
| Hang on to your hats. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I had a whole group of Canadians last night at a show. | |
| Yeah, Canadians are the shit, man. | ||
| If I left America, I would move to Canada for sure. | ||
| I would move to Vancouver. | ||
| If I was not going to live in America, I'd either live in Hawaii or Vancouver. | ||
| I'd go to Hawaii. | ||
| Yeah, because Hawaii's not really America. | ||
| No. | ||
| America might own that shit, but that's bullshit. | ||
| It's Hawaiian. | ||
| I mean, it's just under the umbrella of protection. | ||
| That is not America. | ||
| That's Hawaii. | ||
| That's why a lot of white people go over there and have real problems. | ||
| Because they sort of try to treat it like it's the rest of America. | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| Instead of treating it like you're moving to a foreign island. | ||
| Nah, it's its own nation, man. | ||
| They got their own shit going on over there. | ||
| It should be. | ||
| It should be. | ||
| It should be like we have cousin nations, like Puerto Rico. | ||
| Are you planning an exodus out of here? | ||
| I tried a while ago, man. | ||
| Where were you going to go? | ||
| I moved to Colorado. | ||
| I got a house. | ||
| I leased it instead of buying it. | ||
| Just to check it out? | ||
| Just lease this place. | ||
| Just check it out for a little bit. | ||
| Save your money, kid. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Save it for a rainy day, you know? | ||
| I'm like, let's buy a house in the mountains. | ||
| So it was on the top of a mountain. | ||
| My dog got eaten by a mountain lion. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That became a bit in my act. | ||
| And if you're playing the podcast Drinking Game, drink. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Shit. | |
| It became a bit in my act, but it really was true. | ||
| I really did see a mountain lion in my yard. | ||
| I was on... | ||
| It was a huge piece of land on the top of the mountain above Boulder. | ||
| You're going to solve a lot of problems for me right now. | ||
| It was beautiful. | ||
| When was this? | ||
| Well, my second daughter was conceived up there, so it was about three years ago. | ||
| I have that fantasy of... | ||
| Fuck LA. Fuck the traffic. | ||
| Fuck this. | ||
| I just gotta get away. | ||
| But then I realized I fucking hate nature. | ||
| I don't know how to kill a mountain lion. | ||
| Nature's not the issue. | ||
| The issue is you have to understand where you're at, you have to understand your environment, and you have to have the resources to make your environment compatible to you. | ||
| You have those resources. | ||
| You're not like a regular person Living in the mountain riding a donkey to work every day. | ||
| So you've got some cash. | ||
| You could hire someone to plow your fucking driveway. | ||
| You could hire someone to put motion detector lights on. | ||
| So if there's mountain lions creeping in your backyard, the lights hit them and they run away. | ||
| You could protect yourself. | ||
| So then what happened with you? | ||
| My wife kept pregnant. | ||
| And when you're up in the mountains, it's extremely high altitude. | ||
| We were at 8,600 feet above sea level. | ||
| And it's hard walking up a flight of stairs. | ||
| And when you get pregnant, it's actually dangerous. | ||
| It's dangerous for the fetus. | ||
| It's not good. | ||
| So you're like, fuck it. | ||
| You gotta get out of there. | ||
| And yeah, and she's not so good at driving in snow. | ||
| Well, would you go back now? | ||
| Fuck yeah. | ||
| Fuck yeah. | ||
| I would live in maybe the city of Boulder. | ||
| I think the city of Boulder is a better move. | ||
| What was it? | ||
| You're right in the foothills. | ||
| Are you from LA originally? | ||
| No, I was born in New Jersey, and I grew up most of my life in Boston. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| So what is it you're just done with LA? No, it's just that I love L.A. There's a lot of L.A. that I love. | ||
| Here's what I love about L.A. I think the coolest fucking human beings I've ever met in my life live here. | ||
| I mean, I just met you today, but I think you're pretty badass. | ||
| Thanks, Joe. | ||
| Yoshi's cool as fuck. | ||
| These two guys are okay. | ||
| All my friends live here, except for Stan Hope. | ||
| All my favorite comedians live here. | ||
| Joey Diaz and Ari Shaffir and Duncan Trussell. | ||
| Eddie Bravo. | ||
| I know so many people in LA that I love. | ||
| That this is where my family is. | ||
| It's not just where my family of people that I live with. | ||
| It's my family of humans that I love. | ||
| They're all in LA. However, this is a stupid place to stay. | ||
| And if we can get all the people that I love, and everybody was like, listen, I love you, you love me, let's get the fuck out of here. | ||
| Why do we have to be in a place with 20 million people on the fucking highway and there's nothing cool to look at? | ||
| The beautiful thing about Colorado, to me, It was the natural beauty. | ||
| And that to me, it gives me a feeling that your artwork is awesome. | ||
| I love your artwork. | ||
| It's beautiful. | ||
| You're very talented. | ||
| You're very expressive. | ||
| Talking to you as a human being. | ||
| I love when I meet someone and they're intelligent and you can see that intelligence expressed in a form of art. | ||
| Thanks, man. | ||
| And that's why people love art. | ||
| People love art because I can't play music. | ||
| I don't know anything about how to play any instrument at all. | ||
| So I love music. | ||
| Because to me, it's something I can't do. | ||
| So I watch it, and I'm like, ah, it's amazing. | ||
| And it's so inspirational, exciting. | ||
| And I can take it in almost as an infantile level. | ||
| What does that say about Yoshi that he doesn't listen to music? | ||
| Neither does Doug Stanhope, and I love him to death. | ||
| I love both of them. | ||
| It's a weird thing. | ||
| Whatever. | ||
| It's life. | ||
| But my point was, but let me just finish, go full circle with this, is that in Colorado, the natural beauty is so astounding that everywhere you look, you're like, ah. | ||
| Right. | ||
| There was this place that we used to drive. | ||
| We would go up to this area called Netherland, and you'd drive through the mountains to get there. | ||
| And as you're driving through the mountains, you can't even believe you're allowed to be here. | ||
| You're just seeing these snow-covered peaks and these giant drop-offs and fucking trees everywhere, and it's just majestic, and the clouds float overhead, and you realize this is God's country. | ||
| You are witnessing... | ||
| The impact of your environment is substantial. | ||
| The idea that we should only measure things that you can fucking put on a scale, what you're not counting in is the visual benefit you get from seeing art. | ||
| That's why people buy art. | ||
| They love art. | ||
| They love having it there. | ||
| There's also art in nature, and that's reality. | ||
| If you live in a place that's boring as fuck to look at, it's not inspirational. | ||
| But when you're in Colorado, and you're driving up Sunshine Canyon... | ||
| Somebody loves Colorado. | ||
| You're just driving around these fucking trees and mountains. | ||
| The same thing can be said about Northern California. | ||
| If you go to Humboldt, drive around Humboldt. | ||
| Drive around where the Sequoia National Forest is, where they have these giant redwood trees, and you're just like... | ||
| God damn! | ||
| Like Tahoe. | ||
| Go to Tahoe. | ||
| See the fucking mountains. | ||
| Look at all those trees and look at the giant lake. | ||
| You take it in. | ||
| I love Colorado and every spot you just named, I love it too. | ||
| It's fucking breathtaking. | ||
| It's beautiful. | ||
| It's just too white for me. | ||
| Too white! | ||
| God damn, there's a lot of white people. | ||
| If you had a dance contest in Colorado, they would call it off. | ||
| In the middle of the night, they would say, no one wins. | ||
| It just makes me, I guess, a little bit uncomfortable. | ||
| I could totally understand that. | ||
| That's why I think Hawaii has got the natural beauty, and it's diverse enough where That's a good point. | ||
| That's a good point. | ||
| I can see that. | ||
| The only problem with Hawaii is it's locked. | ||
| It's just a small piece of land. | ||
| And volcanoes. | ||
| Dude, the volcanoes are an issue only on the Big Island, really. | ||
| I mean, look, a volcano, the real volcano issue is Yellowstone. | ||
| And if that motherfucker goes, you're better off being on Hawaii than you are in California. | ||
| Right. | ||
| If Yellowstone ever goes. | ||
| So then it was essentially the pregnancy that got you out of Colorado. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| If she wasn't, then you'd probably stay there. | ||
| Well, I don't know, man. | ||
| You get sick of it? | ||
| No. | ||
| See, I grew up in Boston, my formative years, from 13 to 24. Right. | ||
| And I had a newspaper route when I was a kid, when I had a car. | ||
| When I was fighting in Taekwondo tournaments, all I did was deliver newspapers in the morning and then teach in the afternoon and then compete. | ||
| So I drove every day. | ||
| So I drove in a lot of snow. | ||
| So for me, driving in snow was just second nature. | ||
| I knew how to handle that shit. | ||
| I knew what it's like to get stuck. | ||
| I got stuck every year. | ||
| It didn't freak me out. | ||
| I've walked miles home because my car was in a ditch because it spun out on the highway. | ||
| I did all that shit. | ||
| And when you grow up in a place like Massachusetts, you experience that fucking ruthless weather and you just accept it. | ||
| So that 10 plus years of my life is in my brain and I just pull that cartridge out and shove it in there. | ||
| But my wife is from Texas. | ||
| And when she's never driven in snow before and all of a sudden she's like... | ||
| And she doesn't know what the fuck to do when the ass end goes right. | ||
| I know you gotta spin into that shit. | ||
| I know how to balance a car when it starts to slide. | ||
| And even then, you gotta accept the fact that you can't deal with black ice. | ||
| You hit black ice, you're gonna crash. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I have all these things in my head, but to a person who's never grown up in cold weather, that's a terrifying variable that you've just added to the equation. | ||
| The fact that you could freeze to death. | ||
| The black guys get really angry when you try to hit them? | ||
| The black guys get angry? | ||
| Black ice? | ||
| Oh, black ice! | ||
| Black ice! | ||
| Did you think I said black guys? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Is that what you thought I said? | |
| No, no. | ||
| You've never driven on a road and it rained and it turns into black ice? | ||
| That's hilarious! | ||
| I was like, Joe's trying to hit black guys in Colorado. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Have you ever driven on black ice? | ||
| No, I've not. | ||
| Oh, it's the most terrifying shit ever. | ||
| You're driving and then all of a sudden the road goes out from under you and you start spinning. | ||
| Have you ever driven on like a northern road in the winter? | ||
| No. | ||
| Fucking dangerous. | ||
| Well, that's the thing, man. | ||
| That's why I was saying I have this like fantasy of like fucking LA and then these visions of like this post-apocalyptic like just riots and fires and I'm like, just get out. | ||
| And then I realize... | ||
| I don't know shit about wilderness and nature. | ||
| But you could learn. | ||
| You could learn all that shit. | ||
| You could learn all that shit. | ||
| The driving in the snow is difficult, but people have done it. | ||
| A lot of people moved from California to Boulder after the 94 earthquake. | ||
| 93 earthquake? | ||
| Yeah, that's about right. | ||
| Whatever it was. | ||
| That big earth, the Northridge earthquake. | ||
| I think your instinct is to go colder, mountainous, and I think mine would be to go South America. | ||
| Growing up in Boston, there's something that I appreciate about cold weather because it gives you a certain respect for the possibilities that Mother Nature can throw at you on a regular basis. | ||
| And it sounds ridiculous to want to put yourself through that. | ||
| And when I was young, I mostly was a person who sought comfort. | ||
| So I wanted to get out of the snow and get out of all that as much as possible and find a nice place so I could take a nap. | ||
| But as I've got older, I've realized that that's one of the things that sort of steals you as a human being, is overcoming adversity and dealing with difficult situations. | ||
| And I think it's good to know that winter's coming. | ||
| Do you like traveling overseas? | ||
| Yeah, I don't mind it. | ||
| I don't like plane flights. | ||
| I love going to different cultures. | ||
| The plane flights are just such a motherfucker. | ||
| But I love being in any new cultures. | ||
| It's so interesting to me that people can develop on the same planet in different areas geographically and have completely different sets of values and ideals. | ||
| Comparing their takes on family and politics. | ||
| It's fascinating to me. | ||
| Endlessly, endlessly fascinating to me that we can all exist in 2013 but be very, very, very different. | ||
| That's why Ensign on the podcast last night was talking a lot about Japan. | ||
| We were talking about Japanese culture and why he loves it so much and the Japanese people and how... | ||
| How well they responded to the Fukushima incident. | ||
| All those people orderly in line waiting for, you know, for aid. | ||
| You know, it's crazy. | ||
| Japanese are the only ones in all of Asia that will wait in line. | ||
| So disciplined. | ||
| Because there's a social contract with everyone. | ||
| And I'm not saying that our culture sucks and their culture is better. | ||
| I'm not saying that. | ||
| I mean, people get real nationalistic. | ||
| A lot of people have gotten upset with me about a lot of the things that I've said about America on the podcast. | ||
| They say a lot of silly shit. | ||
| Fuck Canada. | ||
| I'm not saying. | ||
| I don't believe. | ||
| I believe in humans. | ||
|
unidentified
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I love America. | |
| I believe in humans. | ||
|
unidentified
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I hate Canada. | |
| And in that sense, I love the concept of America more than any nation in the world, other than the military-industrial complex aspect. | ||
| I don't remember that when the earthquake was, 93, 94, but people surprised me. | ||
| They were helping each other. | ||
| I mean, they were amazing. | ||
| The people who usually don't like each other, they set that shit aside, and they were helping each other. | ||
| I was listening to a lecture on this. | ||
| You want to hear something funny about the complexities of human behavior and emotions? | ||
| It's like, you know, when people are like, hey, how come... | ||
| Is it possible? | ||
| Can we not be happy and sad at the same time, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So the earthquake happened, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And it just shook the shit out of my house. | ||
| Like my cousin almost got flattened by like this giant dresser. | ||
|
unidentified
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Right. | |
| And I lived on a street with a lot of old people. | ||
| So me and my brother went and we went around the block helping all these old people turn off their gas line so that they're There was an old couple trying to find their gas line with a lighter on. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| So we went around the whole block with a flashlight and we made sure everyone had their gas line off so that the neighborhood wouldn't explode. | ||
| And then after that, then we went looting. | ||
| I'm on your team! | ||
| Fuck it, that's what insurance is for. | ||
| I'm on your team. | ||
| You did the right thing for humanity, and you took advantage of a disenfranchised situation you found yourself in because of the inequities of the situation, the different system that's what we operate under right now. | ||
| I didn't know that. | ||
| Yeah, we want to make sure everyone's alright, everyone in the neighborhood's cool, and then go get some fucking... | ||
| The inequities of the situation you find yourself in forced you to drastic actions. | ||
| There's nothing wrong with what you did. | ||
| You did the right thing. | ||
| Humanly, humanitarian-wise with your friends? | ||
| Good for you, man. | ||
| I was listening to a lecture on this very subject today on the way over here, just coincidentally, completely coincidentally, and the guy was saying that one of the issues that we have with modern culture and the attitude of modern society when you watch the Kardashian show or you watch nonsensical bullshit on TV, immerse yourself in the sort of culture of gossip... | ||
| The reason for that is because we are in a situation where we have a massive abundance of resources. | ||
| Where everyone can get gas on every corner and you can go to a store. | ||
| You have choice. | ||
| And even if you're poor, you can afford fatty foods. | ||
| So that lack of need for character and lack of need for... | ||
| Any sort of real drastic effort to overcome your environment, like everybody else all over the world, allows us to get really fucking cunty and really stupid and soft and lazy because we only have to do as much work as we need to survive. | ||
| But when survival is easy, then your brain is left to fucking dwell on stupid shit like the Kardashians or like, you know, who wore this dress better or why does this guy have a car like that and I got this piece of shit, you know? | ||
| I call it the toilet paper situation. | ||
| So, going back to the Congo, when I was in the Congo, I realized a lot of places, they don't have toilet paper, like, even in, like, just public restrooms and stuff. | ||
| And for those who don't know, I need to shit a lot, you know? | ||
| For those who don't know! | ||
| Like, I need to shit all the time, and especially in a country like that where shit is definitely coming, I need a toilet paper. | ||
| So, I went to their version of a supermarket, which was just sparse. | ||
| They had nothing. | ||
| And I was like, I need that. | ||
| In the Congo, as a supermarket. | ||
| Well, in Brazzaville, the city part, before I went into the jungle. | ||
| So I went in and you go to the section and you go, where's the toilet paper? | ||
| And there's the toilet paper. | ||
| It's just there. | ||
| And then you're like, okay, it's just a thing of toilet paper and you buy it. | ||
| And then reflecting later on when I'm here and I go to Ralph's and I'm standing in the aisle of the toilet paper... | ||
| There's, like, 50 different brands. | ||
| There's two-ply, four-ply, quilted, scented, unscented, and you're just sitting there, and I'm like, which one should I get? | ||
| Like, which one will feel the best on my asshole lips? | ||
| Like, which, you know? | ||
| And then the next thing you realize, you're like, I just spent, like, 10 minutes, you know, thinking about something that most people never have to, like, think about, you know? | ||
| Like, it's... | ||
|
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Right. | |
| And then you have all this extra time, like, Well, that's why people look down on Americans. | ||
| They look down on Americans because we're supposedly at the peak of the abundance pyramid. | ||
| We're the most ridiculous as far as our consumption and our attitude towards consumerism and material possessions that we eclipse. | ||
| We eclipse the rest of the world in our ridiculousness. | ||
| And then, as evidence of that, we provide to you this reality television culture that has sweeped the nation. | ||
| And it's just more and more ridiculous attention focused on people that are completely undeserving of it. | ||
| Well, why is that coming from America? | ||
| Well, most likely, because we're the ones with the most guns. | ||
| We're the biggest bullies. | ||
| We're the ones who control the military aspect of the majority of the country. | ||
| The majority of the world, rather. | ||
| And because of that, the people that sit here in the balls of the dick that's fucking the world, we're weak. | ||
| We're soft. | ||
| We're weak bitches. | ||
| That's why we appreciate character. | ||
| We appreciate when someone... | ||
| We appreciate Survivorman, which used to be like everyday life a hundred years ago. | ||
| We appreciate the idea that, oh, he goes to the fucking jungle for seven days. | ||
| People live in the jungle all year round. | ||
| That's their life. | ||
| We are so weak that a day without food is, what did you do? | ||
| That's most of the world. | ||
| There's many days where you're not going to find something to eat, and you're going to get desperate, and then you're going to get some ingenuity together to find something to fucking eat. | ||
| And that's how people survive to get this far along the evolutionary food chain in the first place. | ||
| Yoshi, with your ass eating. | ||
| The reason why you're eating ass is because you don't have to go out there and fish for a living. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, Yoshi loves salad, you know? | ||
| If you were out there catching salmon all day to try to feed your family in Alaska. | ||
| I need to eat a soup plantation. | ||
| I got pasta salad. | ||
| All you can eat, tossed salad. | ||
|
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My favorite impersonals. | |
| I watch those shows in Alaska where they build fish wheels. | ||
| There's all these shows where these people live in Alaska. | ||
| They just live off the land. | ||
| Most of them don't have any jobs. | ||
| They're just hunting, farming, and catching fish, and then they huddle in for the winter. | ||
| Well, they developed this thing called a fish wheel, and they make it out of logs, and it's this huge net-like thing that just spins with the current, and it keeps rolling. | ||
| And as it rolls, it just scoops fish out of the water and drops them into a bucket. | ||
| It's really wild, and it's ingenious, because they invented this up there independently in Alaska. | ||
| Hundreds of years ago. | ||
| Who knows when the invention of the fish wheel was? | ||
| It might have been decades. | ||
|
unidentified
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Whatever. | |
| What the fuck do I know? | ||
| Have you been out there? | ||
| Alaskan historian? | ||
| No. | ||
| But I'm going there with Ari Shafir. | ||
| We're going there this spring. | ||
| Dude, check this out, Joe. | ||
| Settle down, Anchorage. | ||
| We're on our way. | ||
| We're figuring out how to do this. | ||
| We're going to do this on the day where you guys have the most salmon. | ||
| Whatever that part of the year is, because Ari and I are going to do one show and then go salmon. | ||
| Definitely figure out when that fishing season is, or when it's close to the end. | ||
| Because that trip, the Vice Show, the thumbs up, when I hitchhiked from Tijuana to Alaska, when we got to Alaska, do you think that they would have hot strippers in Alaska? | ||
| I would assume that if I was a stripper, and I wanted to make some real money, and if I was ambitious, I would fly to where there's no chicks. | ||
| And that's where Alaska is. | ||
| Correct, sir. | ||
| This is what happens in Alaska. | ||
| Ruthless bitches. | ||
| These girls, these ruthless bitches that are smart and ambitious. | ||
| And willing to go to a place where you can freeze to death. | ||
| You know these guys, they go out on the boats for months, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then they catch all these crazy fish and crab and whatever. | ||
| And then they come back and they get paid like 20 grand cash or whatever. | ||
| And then what do they do? | ||
| They go straight to the strip club. | ||
| So these girls, they figured out to go to a strip club in Anchorage or whatever. | ||
| And so... | ||
| When I went, the chicks are like the hottest chicks ever, and none of them are from Alaska. | ||
| They just flew in for fishing season. | ||
| Fucking mercenaries. | ||
| Goddamn mercenaries! | ||
| I love it. | ||
| I love that's human ingenuity, man. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| That's figuring out the fish wheel. | ||
|
unidentified
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Right. | |
| These bitches invented a fish wheel. | ||
| They're like, why are we wasting our time in Bismarck, South Dakota, where we can't make a net goal, when you can fly to Alaska, and these motherfuckers have money, and they're horny as shit. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And you just go. | ||
| How many of those girls turn tricks? | ||
| I have no idea. | ||
| They probably don't have to. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, these guys are like, they've just been around fish and other men on a little tiny boat for like months. | ||
| Even with jeans on, they probably shoot right in their pants. | ||
| Yeah, they got those slickers on and they're shooting pants through like thick rubber and whatever. | ||
| I couldn't imagine what it's like to be on a boat for months with a bunch of dudes unless you were gay. | ||
| Gay for the stay. | ||
| But the idea of no sex at all for months and months at a time. | ||
| Why am I doing this? | ||
| Oh, because I'm going to catch crabs. | ||
| Get the fuck out of here. | ||
| I'm not catching crabs. | ||
| I don't have that kind of time. | ||
| Hey, Joe, let me ask you. | ||
| I was watching the DMT experience on Netflix, and you were the host. | ||
| Oh, DMT, The Spirit Molecule? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So you've done it before. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Are you done with it, or do you keep doing it? | ||
| The real problem with that discussion is that DMT is incredibly illegal. | ||
| I did it for the first time last year. | ||
| Continuing to do it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, right, right. | |
| Then people go, where are you getting this? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right, right, right. | |
| If anybody finds anybody... | ||
| Well, it just became illegal, right? | ||
| No, no. | ||
| It's been illegal for a while? | ||
| It was made illegal in the sweeping act of, I think it was 1970, the Psychedelics Act. | ||
| But what's interesting is that 5-MeO-DMT, which is... | ||
| Just as powerful. | ||
| I think gram for gram, it's more potent than NN dimethyltryptamine. | ||
| DMT is dimethyltryptamine. | ||
| This 5-MeO shit used to be legal. | ||
| We used to buy it on the internet. | ||
| We used to be able to buy like a bucket of it. | ||
| It wasn't that much. | ||
| And you only need like a pinch of that stuff and you get blasted to the center of the universe. | ||
| So while marijuana was illegal, You could order DMT online. | ||
| The first time I did DMT, I did 5-MEO, and I did it with a bunch of friends, and one of them ordered it online. | ||
| He ordered it, and he brought it over to my house, and he had a fucking container of this shit. | ||
| And we're like, where'd you get this? | ||
| He goes, I got it online. | ||
| I'm like... | ||
| You can just buy it online? | ||
| And is it real? | ||
| And he smoked it and got blasted to the center of the universe. | ||
| And I was like, okay, am I next? | ||
| And we all sat around on my couch, and I had a remote control for the lights. | ||
| And we would hit it, and then there was like four of us in the room. | ||
| We would hit it, and then when the guy took a hit, boom, I would hit the lights, and the lights would go off. | ||
| And then ten minutes later, the next dude would hit it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| It was pretty intense. | ||
| It was a really unique experience. | ||
| How long does it last? | ||
| No more than like 10 minutes. | ||
| You ever did the ayahuasca? | ||
| No, I have not done that, but I'm going with, well, we've made plans to go. | ||
| Dennis McKenna wants to take me. | ||
| You should take this guy with you. | ||
| I'll take Yoshi. | ||
| Do you want to go Yoshi? | ||
| Dave did it. | ||
| Would you do it, Yoshi? | ||
| If you go, I will do it. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Would you let us film it all? | ||
| Would you want to be with us? | ||
| We'll film it? | ||
| Yes, please. | ||
| You can be a part of it. | ||
| It'd be fun. | ||
| Joe, I had never done drugs in my entire life. | ||
| I'm 36. I'd never done it in my entire life. | ||
| Do you want to come with us? | ||
| Where are you going to go? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Colombia. | ||
| I think we're going to go to Peru. | ||
| I went to Colombia to do it. | ||
| And the selling point for me was the guy that was like my therapist at the time was like, he's like, I could tell you have a very short attention span. | ||
| You get bored with things very easily. | ||
| You know, we could make some progress with you just through like normal therapy and these kinds of things over the course of years. | ||
| Or you can have 10 years of psychotherapy in one night where you experience like all these things. | ||
| And I was like, yeah, what is that? | ||
| And he told me it was ayahuasca. | ||
| So then I went to do it in the jungle in Colombia with him. | ||
| And it was exactly that. | ||
| I mean, it was like... | ||
| Completely, like, life-changing and therapeutic. | ||
| Ayahuasca is a... | ||
| And it lasted hours. | ||
| You know, it lasted, like... | ||
| Well, I had never done anything, so it lasted for me more than any other people there. | ||
| But, yeah, I mean... | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| If you took Yoshi, all this fucking darkness inside of him, maybe it'd cure his AIDS. Well, you know, I know Yoshi. | ||
| I think Yoshi's a beautiful person. | ||
| He is a beautiful person. | ||
| He had some bad circumstances as a young man, and he reacted to those circumstances. | ||
| Outside of that, he's a great guy. | ||
| No, he is a great guy. | ||
| When I see Yoshi, I see a guy who was born into a situation that he had no control over and he reacted accordingly. | ||
| Right. | ||
| The idea of ayahuasca being a one-day fix-it is kind of tricky because it might not fix you. | ||
| It might just freak you the fuck out and bring you back to the drawing board. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And cause psychological instability. | ||
| Awesome. | ||
| Joe, I'm really dumb. | ||
| Can you explain to me? | ||
| I don't know exactly what it is. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| DMT is dimethyltryptamine. | ||
| And it's produced in a bunch of different organs. | ||
| We know the liver produces it, the lungs produce it. | ||
| Yeah, it's in everything. | ||
| They believe it's also produced by the brain in a gland called the pineal gland. | ||
| The evidence for that is disputed. | ||
| It's kind of more anecdotal than anything. | ||
| But in Eastern mysticism, all of the images of the third eye, that is the pineal gland. | ||
| If you see all these different deities with the glowing third eye, that's the pineal gland. | ||
| It's the chemical, I think they say, It's produced when you dream and then when you're born and when you die. | ||
| Well, during heavy REM sleep, they believe your brain produces more of it and they also believe that it might be responsible for alien abductions. | ||
| There's a lot of theories about that because DMT is produced during REM sleep, and most of the alien abduction experiences occur at night. | ||
| And the idea is, well, you're saying these people are dreaming, but they know it really happened. | ||
| No, I'm saying it doesn't mean either or. | ||
| Just because they're having these crazy, fucked up experiences doesn't mean that crazy, fucked up experiences isn't a reality. | ||
| It just might be... | ||
| dimension that's only accessible through chemicals. | ||
| And that is a possibility. | ||
| The possibility that everything you experience, look, even if you experience a dream that's profound, it's still an experience. | ||
| What is happening in that dream that becomes so profound that you sort of see things in a different way? | ||
| You're having some sort of an experience. | ||
| You're taking in information. | ||
| There's unique ones and zeros that are entering into your mind that are allowing you to form a new version of the world. | ||
| Well, when the drug experience under DMT, which is, again, the quicker acting form of ayahuasca, the active contents in ayahuasca, Whatever that is, is a very potent experience. | ||
| Whether it's real or not, it's silly to judge. | ||
| The idea that you can't hit it with a hammer so it's not real. | ||
| You can't put it on a scale so it's not real. | ||
| You can't measure it with a ruler. | ||
| That to me is why it was life-changing because I could have a dream and I'll be like, oh, I felt like I just dreamt that I flew, right? | ||
| But like Joe was saying, this thing makes you actually feel like you had just flown. | ||
| So ayahuasca is the same thing? | ||
| Well, you know, it's like people say, well, it wasn't real. | ||
| It doesn't matter. | ||
| It's exactly the same as if it was real. | ||
| Let's be very scientific here. | ||
| Let's say you were having a hallucination, and that hallucination lasted one hour, and in that one hour, this chemical perturbed your normal sense of visual stimulation and input to the mind, and it gave you a distorted perception of reality. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And then let's say, so let's say that's option A, and then let's say option B is you took magic fairy dust that brought you to an enchanted land that couldn't have possibly been accessed without it, and in that world you communicated with impossibly intelligent entities that broke down the universe for you in a way that you could understand in your brief time there. | ||
| And then let's look at those two things and say, Regardless of which one is true, they both achieve the exact same result. | ||
| You have the exact same experience. | ||
| That was fantastic. | ||
| Whether it's perturbing your sense of visual input to the mind, or whether it's you really go to a magic fairyland and communicate with God, the same thing happens. | ||
| You can make noises with your mouth and use the cultural context of written language and historical reference To sort of put it in a position where you can explain it to a group of people that are not going to make fun of you. | ||
| But the reality of it is, all culture aside, all language aside, all preconceived notions aside, you're having the same fucking experience. | ||
| So was it life-changing for you then? | ||
| I got a tattoo on my arm. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| That's a DMT molecule right there. | ||
| Alright, aside from the tattoo, was it like changing? | ||
| Yeah, it changed the way I look at the whole universe. | ||
| Yeah, me too. | ||
| I sort of understand after... | ||
| I mean, I understand, first of all, that I don't really understand any of it. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But I understood after I did it that my whole idea of the world that I had used as a reference, that I had used as like, this is this, and this is that, and this is the banking system, and this is the government, and this is... | ||
| It became ridiculous. | ||
| It all became ridiculous. | ||
| And the idea that this could exist and that I couldn't know about it, that I could have been living my life, it became infantile. | ||
| The universe became infantile. | ||
| Everything. | ||
| Sex, money, driving, it all became infantile. | ||
| I mean, you're taking the words right out of my mouth. | ||
| It just shows you the ridiculous... | ||
| It was completely life-changing for me. | ||
| But here's the danger in it, I think, is... | ||
| When I start going off on it, because I didn't get a tattoo of it, but I'm super passionate about it now, because it did completely alter my vision of how I see things, is I start to sound like a maniac when I start talking about it too much. | ||
| Welcome to my world! | ||
| And when you start talking about it and get super passionate about it, you know... | ||
| Sound crazy. | ||
| Yeah, but then I'm aware of the perception of like, oh, Dave sounds fucking like a maniac and crazy, and he's talking about this weird drug, and then... | ||
| The thing about it is I did it in Colombia with like 20 other people. | ||
| Who are these 20 other people? | ||
| You know, it was like this trip, arranged trip, and it's like, it's exactly who you thought. | ||
| They're like weird hippie type people, you know. | ||
| The fact that this thing exists and that it only attracts these like weird, like dreadlocked white people. | ||
| Fringy people. | ||
| Fringy people. | ||
| When if the right people did it, basically I think everyone should do it, but if the right people that, That didn't hear it and, oh man, that sounds like fucking crazy hippie bullshit, you know? | ||
| It could literally change the world. | ||
| It could change the consciousness of the whole planet. | ||
| It really could, and it sounds stupid, especially coming from me, because my credibility is limited. | ||
| Me too. | ||
| I hosted Fear Factor, and I do cage-fighting commentary, and I do a podcast under the influence of illegal drugs. | ||
| So it's like, look at all those equations, only illegal federally. | ||
| Why did you have to go to Jungle, though? | ||
| Why can't you just... | ||
| Because it's illegal in the United States. | ||
| I didn't even know that. | ||
| It's Schedule 1. It is one of the most illegal drugs in the world, along with marijuana. | ||
| Which, by the way, the idea of Schedule 1 is that it has no medical use, which is hilarious because there is medical marijuana approved in California. | ||
| It's been proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that it helps in a lot of different areas. | ||
| It helps people with cancer. | ||
| It helps people going through chemo to get their appetite back. | ||
| It helps people with glaucoma by reducing interocular pressure. | ||
| It helps people with ADD. The idea that there's no medical benefits of it just because it's not... | ||
| And then they make a pill for it. | ||
| They make fucking... | ||
| That THC pill, whatever the fuck it's called. | ||
| I don't even want to say it because I don't want anybody to buy it. | ||
| It's because it's horseshit. | ||
| They make a synthetic THC pill which doesn't have nearly the effects of edible cannabis. | ||
| That's something that we were talking about before the show where it's like brownies fuck you up. | ||
| They don't just fuck you up because weed fucks you up. | ||
| They fuck you up because when you eat it, it produces a completely different chemical in your body. | ||
| When THC is consumed in an edible form, it produces something called 11-hydroxymetabolite, which is like five times more psychoactive than THC. I believe it. | ||
| Yeah, you know why that weird feeling that you get when you eat a brownie? | ||
| I'm going to never forget this, man. | ||
| My friend Brett had a company What he was trying to do when the medical marijuana movement first started, he had this company that was making THC pills. | ||
| And I don't know what he did to fucking get this stuff into a pill form, but he had, this is my strong one and this is my medium one. | ||
| If you're gonna take the medium one, only take one. | ||
| I'm like, well, why do you have a strong one? | ||
| He goes, I don't know. | ||
| Eddie Bravo takes both of them. | ||
| He takes at least... | ||
| He either took two strong ones or two medium ones. | ||
| Whatever he did. | ||
| I took one. | ||
| And maybe an hour and a half later, I was the most uncomfortable I have ever been in my entire life. | ||
| Where I was so terrified of everything. | ||
| I was looking at people, and they became two-dimensional, and I was seeing their souls peeking behind while they were talking to me. | ||
| And it became incredibly psychedelic, way more psychedelic than weed. | ||
| And I didn't understand about the 11-hydroxy-metabolite thing then, but I talked to my friend Todd McCormick, who's this medical marijuana activist and professional natural deodorant user. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right, Brian? | |
| Stinky! | ||
| Brilliant guy when it comes to medical marijuana. | ||
| He actually did time. | ||
| He was one of the first guys to do time in California because they wouldn't let him use the term medical marijuana. | ||
| Even though he was operating under state law, when they bring you to court, because it's a federal trial, they don't even allow you to use the term medical marijuana. | ||
| That term, you can't say it in court. | ||
| If you say it, you'll go to jail. | ||
| So what do you say? | ||
| You got to say I grew marijuana and sold it. | ||
| And then they say, well, you're a criminal. | ||
| And then he goes, well, I was operating under state law. | ||
| Shut up. | ||
| You can't bring up state law in a federal court. | ||
| It's incredible. | ||
| And he wound up doing time. | ||
| But he's the perfect person. | ||
| He's like, I can always call him. | ||
| He's a grower, so I can call him up. | ||
| And I go, what is that? | ||
| Why the fuck am I getting so high? | ||
| And he goes, oh, you got to understand. | ||
| Do you smoke weed every day? | ||
| No. | ||
| I don't like to do anything every day. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| I don't think you should do anything every day. | ||
| But when you do, do you smoke, like, I don't smoke weed or any of that stuff. | ||
| I don't even eat every day. | ||
| I like taking days off of eating. | ||
| You like fast and stuff? | ||
| Not even fast. | ||
| I just drink water and take a day off of eating. | ||
| I've done that before. | ||
| Here's my problem with fasting, the same problem I have with healing. | ||
| What are you talking about? | ||
| I'm a healer. | ||
| Shut the fuck up. | ||
| You're not a healer. | ||
| Stop. | ||
| You might give good massages. | ||
| You're not a fucking healer, you crazy bitch. | ||
| I just started getting rolfing done. | ||
| You know what rolfing done? | ||
| It's like super painful deep tissue massage. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| And I read a bunch of different websites. | ||
| I was looking for someone who does rolfing in the LA area. | ||
| And I read this one lady's bio, and it was like, I always knew from the moment I was a child that I had natural healing in my hands. | ||
| This is what I'm talking about, Joe. | ||
| All this shit that, like, you... | ||
| Like, it's good shit, but it only attracts, like, weird... | ||
| Weirdos. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, because, you know, there's a lot of fuckery in the world. | ||
| There's a lot of fuckery. | ||
| Psychics, there's a lot of fuckery. | ||
| You at least jerk off every day, though, right? | ||
| Me? | ||
| Or you take days off? | ||
| I've taken many days off. | ||
| I've never taken a day off. | ||
| No more than 30 in a row. | ||
| I'm a hard worker when it comes to that. | ||
| I did that once for a website project. | ||
| What? | ||
| How was the longest? | ||
| I took 30 days off. | ||
| 30 days off jerking off. | ||
| It was ridiculous. | ||
| Were you just, like, leaking everywhere? | ||
| I was getting boners from hugs. | ||
| People were giving me hugs. | ||
| You were getting boner hugs? | ||
| Full on boners. | ||
| Boner hugs are pretty fantastic. | ||
| It was amazing. | ||
| I was like, wow. | ||
| When I first came to LA, I had a girlfriend in New York. | ||
| And we were kind of like on the outs when I first moved to LA. And I was figuring out whether or not I should move her in with me or bring her out here or whatever. | ||
| And I was out here working on a TV show for like two weeks by myself, just living in the Oakwoods apartment complex. | ||
| And I was on the set. | ||
| And this girl, she said something the girl I was working with, and we laughed, and she said, oh, give me a hug. | ||
| And she gave me this big, giant hug. | ||
| And you came into her belly button? | ||
| No, man. | ||
| I got her pregnant. | ||
| Just the hug felt so good. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| It was like I was on empty, and I pulled into the gas station, and she filled me up like, oh. | ||
| And then I realized, as a human being, at that point, I was in my 20s, I was still pretty fucking stupid. | ||
| But I realized, as a human being, that the human touch, it's not just a luxury. | ||
| Right. | ||
| That it's a staple. | ||
| It's a staple for mental management. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| It's not an inconvenience. | ||
| It's unhealthy. | ||
| It's bad for your body. | ||
| There was something going on. | ||
| And again, you can't measure it in the fucking milligrams of vitamin C or caffeine or alcohol. | ||
| But there was a reaction in my body that was very real when that girl hugged me. | ||
| I felt so much better. | ||
| And I'll never forget that because I'm like, okay, well I have to realize that this is a real, this is something, there's one more thing that we can't measure in conventional terms but that it actually exists and is tangible in its effect. | ||
| Well, I mean, I come from a family of huge huggers. | ||
| That's awesome. | ||
| My parents hug the shit out of me. | ||
| That's very unusual for Asian. | ||
| My dad kisses me on my mouth. | ||
| That's beautiful. | ||
| No tongue or tongue? | ||
| Sometimes a little bit of tongue. | ||
| Especially after whiskey breath, right? | ||
| And then in the time that I met Yoshi, you know, have you ever tried, like, you know, I hug all my friends. | ||
| Right. | ||
| This is the most awkward guy ever. | ||
| I hug Yoshi all the time. | ||
| I know, but he's like, he doesn't, here, hug the shit out of this guy. | ||
| All right. | ||
|
unidentified
|
All right! | |
| Stop! | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| That, ladies and gentlemen, was the gayest moment ever on our podcast. | ||
| He just came in his pants. | ||
| And we've had gay people on. | ||
| Have we had gay people on? | ||
| Confirmed. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know what? | |
| I don't think we have. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That drawing I gave you makes so much more sense now. | |
| I think we need to get a gay representation. | ||
| Oh, by the way, we're going to have Melissa Etheridge on the podcast. | ||
| Are you serious? | ||
| Yeah, Melissa Etheridge actually asked to be on the podcast. | ||
| Her publicist content. | ||
| I hope she doesn't yell at me for my cartoonish portrayal of lesbians. | ||
| Dude, that's fucking awesome. | ||
| That's cool, man. | ||
| I hope she actually likes it. | ||
| I like lesbians. | ||
| This might not be a friendly visit. | ||
| I'm just kidding, but we need more gay representation on this podcast. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't think she's gay, is she? | |
| Oh no, she's a lesbian. | ||
| It's different. | ||
| I always trip on the word gay anyway. | ||
| Look at how uncomfortable he looks. | ||
| No, I'm good. | ||
| Check to see if he has a boner. | ||
| You just got rape hugged. | ||
| Yoshi's a good man. | ||
| No, he's a great guy. | ||
| He's just very awkward with human touch. | ||
| Yoshi had an awkward life. | ||
| That's just not me, but that's not a very common thing in Japan. | ||
| You don't talk about... | ||
| Yeah, Asians don't hug so much. | ||
| Your reality, your situation, your family, you don't want to talk about that. | ||
| No, I talk to everything. | ||
| Do you tell everybody the whole story? | ||
| What you did? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And why you can't go back to Japan? | ||
| No, I could go back. | ||
| I just can't get out. | ||
| You can't get out once you go back? | ||
| I would imagine so. | ||
| There's probably like a... | ||
| Why is that? | ||
| There's probably like a criminal record. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's a little different because... | ||
| Tell everybody what happened. | ||
| If you wanted to... | ||
| I mean, this is an interesting story. | ||
| This is the best story ever. | ||
| Yeah, well... | ||
| If you want to. | ||
| No, it's not a problem at all. | ||
| That's the only reason why I brought this up, because I know you're pretty adamant about expressing yourself all the time. | ||
| I would say before I finish, start the story, that Dave was arrested in Japan, September of 2003. In the same week, I was in jail in LA County, so I guess we were meant to meet each other. | ||
| Day apart, 10 years ago, this coming September, we're in jail. | ||
| Oh, someone sounds like a stalker. | ||
| That's exactly what I would send Dave in an email if I was trying to get him to get me pregnant. | ||
| So, tell us your story. | ||
| So, I got an email in August 2003 from my cousin, basically... | ||
| My writing skill in Japanese is not good. | ||
| So he wrote in English. | ||
| He basically wrote, Papa dead. | ||
| That's their nice word. | ||
| Papa dead. | ||
| My father was dead. | ||
| But they didn't know how to write in English. | ||
| So that's the only thing they wrote. | ||
| And I called them and find out my dad supposedly killed himself. | ||
| So within a couple of days, I flew back to Japan and find out what happened. | ||
| Because I saw him six months before, early 2003. I found out that my stepmother was cheating on my dad before marriage, during marriage, and they're in process of getting divorced, but my dad killed himself. | ||
| Later on, we don't know for sure if he committed suicide or my stepmother had something to do with his death. | ||
| We don't know. | ||
| But during the funeral, I saw my stepmother... | ||
| She killed him, dude. | ||
| You think she killed him? | ||
| I think so. | ||
| Why do you think that? | ||
| The more I hear this story, she sounds like the most... | ||
| My cousin's older brother in Korea, she was living in Korea, my stepmother. | ||
| So my cousin's older brother lives in Korea. | ||
| They're a virgin FBI. They've checked the background and my stepmother flew in the day before, the last time they saw my dad alive. | ||
| Doesn't mean that he killed her, but she lied. | ||
| That she killed him. | ||
| Yeah, she said that she was in Japan the whole time, and we find out later on. | ||
| Oh, so she lied. | ||
| She lied about that. | ||
| Well, she lied about that. | ||
| That kind of guilt, lying about where you were? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That's very suspicious. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| So, doesn't mean she did it? | ||
| How did he die? | ||
| How did he die? | ||
| Hanging. | ||
| So, I went to the police station and saw the picture. | ||
| And he was in the hot sun for like two weeks. | ||
| So, he was dark. | ||
| I mean, he looked like... | ||
| He was hanging outside? | ||
| Inside, but it's summertime. | ||
| Japan is so hot and humid. | ||
| This is how I met Yoshi. | ||
| What was the joke? | ||
| It was the darkest joke I've ever heard in my life. | ||
| What did I say? | ||
| I'm high. | ||
| I'm a little high. | ||
| You're a little high right now? | ||
| Yoshi's like the way he is. | ||
| Tell the joke. | ||
| It's not a joke. | ||
| I just say, you know, he was darker than a nigger or whatever. | ||
| Oh, Yoshi. | ||
| That is not a dark joke or even a good one. | ||
| That's a racial slur. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's darker than Bobby Lee's balls. | |
| Does Bobby Lee have dark balls? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, he has black balls. | |
| I can't approve of that joke. | ||
| You don't say that on stage, do you? | ||
| Yeah, he did. | ||
| I was like, this guy's crazy. | ||
| That's ridiculous. | ||
| That's how you ended your act or something. | ||
| That's a good way to get your ass kicked. | ||
| Not yet, but... | ||
| It's gonna happen. | ||
| But basically, he had been hanging and he turned black. | ||
| Yeah, so he was hanging and basically the heat of the house just slowly cooked him. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, I saw the picture. | ||
| The cop told me, I highly recommend you don't look at the picture, but I needed to see, you know, because... | ||
| After his death, my family told me that all the horrible things that were happening. | ||
| So do you think that she could have possibly driven him to do that? | ||
| That for sure, 100%. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| She left hundreds of thousands of dead. | ||
| And she told my dad that she brought one of her cousin from Korea. | ||
| We later on find out it was her lover the whole time. | ||
| So while my dad was working, she was fucking this guy pretending to be her cousin, whatever. | ||
| Just the whole humiliation, debt, and all this stuff. | ||
| Was she younger? | ||
| 10 years younger. | ||
| Are you sure she wasn't just fucking her cousin? | ||
| This is why a guy like David should be afraid of marriage. | ||
| Never, ever, never fuck someone where you're confused as to why they're fucking you. | ||
| Never. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Then I will never get laid. | |
| The reality is, in the natural world, you shouldn't get laid, Brian. | ||
| You should get your shit together first. | ||
| But when that happens, when you do that, man, people start to resent you. | ||
| You ever see a famous dude with a trophy wife, and the trophy wife fucking hates being there? | ||
| When you see that, that's a sketchy situation, man. | ||
| I've watched this dude I watched his wife yell at him and shit. | ||
| And he's like this sort of minuscule famous guy. | ||
| He's a small guy. | ||
| And the wife was yelling at him and giving him a hard time. | ||
| And he just absorbed it and dealt with it. | ||
| And it really fucked me up because this guy's really famous. | ||
| And I was like, what are you doing, man? | ||
| Why are you letting this person abuse you? | ||
| This fucking shitty person in your life is treating you like that. | ||
| What? | ||
| Because... | ||
| She's not impressed with you? | ||
| Like, what is it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I'll tell you why. | ||
| Because he weighed 130 pounds, and she was six foot tall and hot as fuck, and she really wanted to get fucked by giant black guys. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Mandingoed. | ||
| Giant mandingoed. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Or Caucasian. | |
| And maybe he liked the abuse. | ||
| When a guy is an older guy, and he's got this hot young chippy, and doesn't know why she's with him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| She's fucking stealing from you, man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| She's robbing you. | ||
| So what happened? | ||
| So I went back to the funeral and somehow she was... | ||
| She didn't know my temperament because my dad's a very kind and nice person. | ||
| He's never hit me before. | ||
| But I have temperament from my mother. | ||
| She was, you know, she was a typical Korean woman, very aggressive, you know? | ||
| So I caught her at the funeral by herself preparing the funeral thing for my dad, right? | ||
| It was like way up a hill. | ||
| Yeah, way up in the hill. | ||
| Rest of the family down the hill in the parking lot. | ||
| They didn't know what's going on. | ||
| So basically... | ||
| I went up there with my aunt and my aunt sold my stepmother and she goes, you killed my fucking brother, you fucking bitch. | ||
| She leaves. | ||
| It was me and her. | ||
| And everyone knows at this point that she was cheating on him the whole time. | ||
| Oh yeah, everybody knows. | ||
| She even tried to poison my dad. | ||
| Whoa, she tried to poison him? | ||
| Yeah, they took the sample. | ||
| You know those Korean dish, kimchi or whatever she brought from Korea? | ||
| My dad kept getting sick, so they took all the food from the refrigerator and some medical lab. | ||
| They checked and there was poison in the dish. | ||
| Alright, so your stepmom is poisoning his kimchi. | ||
| And cheating on him. | ||
| And the whole family knows that she has the fucking balls to go to the funeral. | ||
| Yeah, she was playing this thing. | ||
| She didn't know anything about me. | ||
| And her older sister have a reputation of marrying a bunch of guys and they're all dying in mysterious circumstances. | ||
| So they have a history of it. | ||
| They have a history of that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Her older sister does the same fucking thing? | |
| This sounds like... | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| It's fucking insane. | ||
| So my aunt said, you fucking bitch, you killed my brother. | ||
| She left. | ||
| And then 10 seconds later, I just started running over and just beating the shit out of her. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| I grabbed the back of her head and started punching her face for a long time. | ||
| And she's unconscious? | ||
| No, but she was shocked because she didn't know I had an inmate to do that. | ||
| And I was a little surprised because I didn't plan to do that. | ||
| I was angry. | ||
| But I didn't think she was dumb enough to be separated by the rest of her family. | ||
| But she was herself. | ||
| Oh my gosh. | ||
| So she was by herself. | ||
| You were by herself. | ||
| No one's anywhere near the two of her. | ||
| No one near. | ||
| And then start grabbing her back of her head and just start beating her face in. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Curb stomp. | |
| And put on her ground and start stomping between her legs. | ||
| Her eyeball was about to... | ||
| You stomped her pussy? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| Stomach. | ||
| Her face. | ||
| Her eyeball was about to come out. | ||
| I was stamping her face like after five or six times and I heard some lady that worked at the cemetery scream. | ||
| They saw this guy just stomping on this lady and started screaming. | ||
| So how much damage did you do to her? | ||
| I think if I did it, like my cousin called me like a week later and he was laughing at the phone like, yeah, if you did it for another minute, you probably killed her or whatever. | ||
| She ended up going to hospital for like two and a half, three months. | ||
| But that snapped him out of it, the lady screaming. | ||
| So then he ran back down the hill. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| And then everyone's like, what the fuck's going on? | ||
| And he grabbed his cousin's car keys. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| Yes, I went down. | ||
| And my stepmother's nephew was walking up the stairs. | ||
| He didn't know what's going on. | ||
| So I started coming down, and he doesn't know what's going on. | ||
| So I figured by then, I already beat one person. | ||
| What difference does it make if I saw a couple more people. | ||
| This funeral was how long after Japan? | ||
| What? | ||
| Like when you got off the plane and went straight to the funeral, right? | ||
| A day after, yeah. | ||
| So this guy gets to Japan, goes to a funeral, and then just starts punching people, and then like... | ||
| So you attacked him as well? | ||
| For what reason? | ||
| Just because... | ||
| Because he's related to her. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Related to her, and like, what difference does it make if I... Fuck everybody at this point. | |
| Yeah, it's like porn stars. | ||
| Like, what difference does it make if you fuck one hooker or 500? | ||
| Once you do one, it's really interesting that you're using attempted murder... | ||
| And connecting it to gangbangs. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, well... | |
| Oh, Yoshi kills hookers all the time. | ||
| No, stop it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He kills him with his AIDS. Attaboy. | |
| So... | ||
| You say edible AIDS or attaboy? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Attaboy. | |
| So I went down the stairs. | ||
| I saw him. | ||
| I sucker punched him. | ||
| He doesn't know what's going on. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| And there was a little... | ||
| Do you feel bad for that? | ||
| No, not at all. | ||
| But he didn't have anything to do with it. | ||
| I know, but I was just angry with her and her family. | ||
| Right, but I mean, her family's just people. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| A family of poisonous people. | ||
| Well, you know, maybe they don't know what the fuck the sister and her dick. | ||
| But at the time, I wasn't really rational. | ||
| I was just so angry. | ||
| I understand. | ||
| So, sucker punching, he went down. | ||
| And most of these, you know, I'm six foot one. | ||
| Most of these people are like 5'1", 5'2". | ||
| Right. | ||
| So, even though I'm not physically involved in America, I'm pretty big in Japan. | ||
| You kick an ass in Japan. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm Anderson Silva when it comes to fighting and beating up old women. | ||
| How old was she when you did this to her? | ||
| 55 or something. | ||
| Whoa! | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| She killed his dad, man. | ||
| Oh, I understand. | ||
| Listen, there's no... | ||
| I mean, I lost my fucking mind. | ||
| Listen, I would have killed her. | ||
| If I'm stomping on a chick for five times, she's dead. | ||
| I don't know how the fuck your pussy stomps allowed her to live. | ||
| So he knocks the nephew out. | ||
| That is not something to joke about, by the way, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| You're right. | ||
| If you're outraged listening to this, you're like, I can't believe you joking. | ||
| I got that little mallet where Buddhists scoop the water to clean the cemetery. | ||
| I grabbed that stuff, just beat him over the head a couple of times, ran down the parking lot, and I saw my stepmother's older sister and her husband, and I started sucker-punching too. | ||
| He's punching everybody. | ||
| Yeah, I punched both of them. | ||
| How's your endurance at this point? | ||
| Are you getting winded? | ||
| Yeah, I wish I would have stretched before that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But I wasn't planning to sell four people, Joe. | |
| I don't know anything about martial art. | ||
| I don't know any of that stuff. | ||
| It was unplanned. | ||
| You beat all these people up. | ||
| How do you get out of the country? | ||
| That's like serious, serious shit. | ||
| So my aunt, Yoshie, she's the only one, when he started fighting me back, she's the one, she had a cancer, brain cancer actually, but she's the one to interrupt the fight, start punching him and just told me to leave. | ||
| And I told my cousin to drive me out of there and he wasn't sure because he want to... | ||
| So you punched him too? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| I think he hesitated because he doesn't want to ace somebody who did criminal act. | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| But he's smaller than I am so if you don't think I'm going to beat the shit out of you... | ||
| Well, we got in his car and he said, drive me out of there and I went to... | ||
| Osaka International. | ||
| He just got to Japan. | ||
| Yeah, like a day before. | ||
| And then he went and beat everyone up and then he's hiding. | ||
| And he got right to the airport. | ||
| I grabbed his cell phone and called the airlines, changed my flight. | ||
| I'm praying there's another flight within a few hours. | ||
| There just happened to be one in four hours. | ||
| So I went over there. | ||
| But that was the longest four hours airport because I figured she'll call the police. | ||
| You just hid in the bathroom? | ||
| So what happened? | ||
| How'd they not call the police? | ||
| It never even occurred to them because they were so worried about her. | ||
| They went to hospital with her. | ||
| They probably didn't know where you went. | ||
| They figured I was hiding in one of my cousins' house. | ||
| Do you think that they knew that she was guilty too? | ||
| Oh, everybody knows. | ||
| How did you find out? | ||
| It was your aunt that told you, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| She tried to poison him, huh? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Your aunt told you? | ||
| What did she say? | ||
| They have a medical record. | ||
| She said you've been fucking someone this whole time. | ||
| Yeah, but that doesn't mean she tried to kill him. | ||
| You know she tried to kill him because of the poisoning though. | ||
| That's pretty definitive. | ||
| Yeah, and they had a medical lab. | ||
| I don't know how they figure out poison, but they took it to lab. | ||
| Never eat kimchi at Yoshi's house. | ||
| He keeps his daddy static. | ||
| I mean, kimchi in general is pretty strong anyways. | ||
| I love kimchi. | ||
| Yeah, if you have kimchi at Yoshi's house and it tastes a little weird, don't eat that shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whew. | |
| Damn, dude. | ||
| So you escaped Japan. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Are there criminal charges pressed against you? | ||
| Here's a weird thing. | ||
| Mostly cops in Japan don't want to be part of like family dispute. | ||
| Technically, she's still my family. | ||
| So whenever there's a family dispute, they rather there's... | ||
| Even the fucking head stomping? | ||
| Well, generally speaking, but I don't want to go back to Japan and find out. | ||
| So remember, you and I think Joey Diaz asked me to go with you and translate. | ||
| I would love to do it, but I was a little worried maybe as soon as I land, there's a record of it and put me in jail. | ||
| It could be, right? | ||
| There might be. | ||
| There might be. | ||
| See, I could get in, but most likely I can't get out. | ||
| Dave cannot get in. | ||
| There's two different things. | ||
| Why can you not get in? | ||
| I went to jail there a few years ago. | ||
| What'd you go to jail there for? | ||
| I beat up an undercover security guard. | ||
| What happened? | ||
| Well, it's sort of like Yoshi said. | ||
| I'm not a huge guy over here, but over there, I'm sort of the Anderson Silva. | ||
| What happened over there? | ||
| You know, it's... | ||
| I could talk about this for like hours and hours, but basically I... In much of the same way where I helped, you know, the old people during the earthquake turn their gas off and then went looting. | ||
| Like, I have a... | ||
| You know, I had a troubled past where, you know... | ||
| This is before I got, like, seriously into gambling. | ||
| Like, I spent most of my childhood just, like, fighting and getting into all kinds of trouble and doing, like, small-time criminal kind of activities and stuff. | ||
| And so when I went to Japan, where it was, like, this society based on, like, honor and, like, you know, the light turns red and then everyone stops walking. | ||
| And I was like, whoa, this is fucking crazy. | ||
| Like, they, like... | ||
| Don't even have locks on their bicycles, because who would steal a bike? | ||
| That's not your property. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| You could literally go to Japan and just get on someone's bike. | ||
| I was like, this is fucking nuts. | ||
| So that's what I did. | ||
| I'd go to Japan, I'd steal some guy's bike, and I'd go out all night spray-painting graffiti on everything. | ||
| And I would just do it in broad daylight. | ||
| No one would stop me. | ||
| And then at the end of the day, I'd just go bring the bike back. | ||
| You know, my art was getting a lot of recognition out there at the time, so I was going out there like once a year, twice a year. | ||
| And just stealing bikes. | ||
| Stealing bikes, doing graffiti, stealing shit, like just causing, you know, damage and chaos in general. | ||
| Right. | ||
| That's so sad. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It is kind of... | ||
| It is sad, because that's one thing when we were in Japan, some guy was telling me about the same kind of thing, like, You could tell these girls anything. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They'll believe you because no one lies to them. | |
| So you could tell them you're a super famous rock star. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right, right. | |
| And you kind of felt bad about it. | ||
| After Brian's fifth story, he's like, I gotta tell you, I'm not really Iron Man. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| So you got arrested for doing... | ||
| Well, yeah. | ||
| I mean, I definitely deserved... | ||
| I mean, it was the best thing that could have happened to me. | ||
| My life in general was getting out of control and going to jail was probably the best thing. | ||
| Dude, you guys both are fucking awesome. | ||
| Thank you very much for doing this. | ||
| You're welcome, man. | ||
| Thank you for coming down and doing this. | ||
| I would love to do yours as well. | ||
| Yeah, anytime, man. | ||
| Go back and forth. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| Back and forth. | ||
| Let's do it a bunch of different times. | ||
| I would love to have you. | ||
| Yoshi, keep it together, okay? | ||
| Yeah, thanks. | ||
| You're going to be fine. | ||
| There's a lot of people that are going to stare at you Wednesday night at the Ice House knowing that you almost stomped the lady to death. | ||
| So it's going to be a little different. | ||
| She deserved it, man. | ||
| It's going to be an interesting show Wednesday night. | ||
| Anyone who's coming out Wednesday night, please don't be afraid to give this guy a hug. | ||
| He needs human touch. | ||
| Stop saying that. | ||
| You need... | ||
| Murderers should be stomped. | ||
| If you saw his face after that group hug right now, it was very uncomfortable. | ||
| It was a little weird. | ||
| He didn't know how to accept that kind of love. | ||
| He's a good guy. | ||
| You're a great guy. | ||
| He's a good guy. | ||
| Yoshi's a great guy. | ||
| He just needs a lot more hugs. | ||
| Dude, we didn't even get to your whole crazy fucking story, the whole Facebook mural story. | ||
| I'll come back on anytime you want. | ||
| We'll do it again, man. | ||
| Let's do it again. | ||
| Let's do it again in February. | ||
| You want to do it again in February? | ||
| Anytime, man. | ||
| Done! | ||
| And we'll do yours. | ||
| Brian, you want to come with me? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You guys are invited to DVDASA.com. | ||
| I don't know if we're going to get on iTunes, so just go to there to check it out. | ||
| Why wouldn't you get on iTunes? | ||
| Filthy? | ||
| You can get away with being filthy. | ||
| Especially audio, they'll allow anything. | ||
| It's essentially the imagination. | ||
| You're just talking about things. | ||
| You can't show pornographic images in a video iPod thing. | ||
| Get rid of all of Yoshi's butthole shots. | ||
| Don't show Yoshi's butthole. | ||
| It's just too tempting. | ||
| Again, like his gay porn, or his tranny porn, it might drag you over to the dark side. | ||
| Yoshi would tempt you with this black hole of butthole. | ||
| Well, you guys are filming this whole show, right? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| On our podcast, we have one camera, and it's just pointed at Asa's pussy. | ||
| Are you serious? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's awesome. | |
| That's perfect. | ||
| It's like, do you want to see... | ||
| How did you meet her? | ||
| How did you guys become friends? | ||
| This guy. | ||
| Through Yoshi? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And you just became her buddy? | ||
| Well, it's like the thing you were saying about the cuckold and watching black guys. | ||
| I've talked about this before, but basically... | ||
| If you're a guy and you're Asian, the only place you are in American porn is gay and the bottom. | ||
| There's not one Asian male porn star in straight porn. | ||
| Except for one now. | ||
| Except for one now, which was that movie. | ||
| So after I got to know Yoshi and knowing what a degenerate he is, he's like, hey Dave, they're filming the first Asian American porn where the whole cast is Asian. | ||
| And I was like, whoa, that's pretty groundbreaking. | ||
| There's no... | ||
| Like, it's gay to know what, I guess, when you jerk off to porn, like, I've watched so much porn, I can recognize a guy's penis now. | ||
| Yeah, I didn't joke about that. | ||
| Oh, that's Peter North. | ||
| Oh, I'm a homo. | ||
| Exactly, exactly. | ||
| And, you know, you've seen, there's not that many guys, so you start to recognize the guys. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So, can you name an Asian male porn star? | ||
| No. | ||
| Yeah, there isn't any. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So Yoshi told me about it, and then we went, yeah, I went to the set of the first, and it was based on a weird Japanese poet or someone, some chick that like cuts off her lover's penis or something. | ||
| Yeah, true story. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fist of the Nuts star. | |
| And Asa was the star in that, so we hit it off right away. | ||
| And yeah, that's how I met Asa through Yoshi, and that was like the first time. | ||
| That was the first... | ||
|
unidentified
|
She just got married. | |
| Yeah, she just got married. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's crazy. | |
| What? | ||
| Dude, trust me. | ||
| That's all I... What kind of a deal is that? | ||
| Well, it's to another porn star. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| But, you know, she was one of the first... | ||
| Like, women that I met that I was, like, genuinely interested in after my seven-year-long relationship. | ||
| So I met her on that set, and then I'm like, this chick is fucking rad. | ||
| Like, she'll just, like, talk about anything and how she has to, like, wash her butthole out, and it's just, like, not in a gross way, and it's very refreshing to meet someone that's, like, so open and honest about everything. | ||
| She's very funny, too. | ||
| Do you find synchronicity in the word DVD-ASA when you're doing a show with Asa Akira? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Yeah, well, I mean, it sounds like David and Asa phonetically, you know? | ||
| Yeah, it does, phonetically. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But it's actual double vaginal, double anal, sensitive artists. | ||
| So that's the website, ladies and gentlemen, double vaginal, double anal, sensitive artists. | ||
| If you can't find it, go fuck yourself. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's a great podcast. | |
| We don't want you to find it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's one of the very few podcasts that I actually listen to. | |
| I love it. | ||
| Oh, thanks, man. | ||
| Yeah, man, it's... | ||
| Podcasts have made me hate a lot of people that I used to not find annoying. | ||
| I fucking listen to their podcasts and I want to fucking throw them off a mountain. | ||
| The story of how you first met Yoshi is one of my favorite stories. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I think it's on the first episode of DVD Essay. | |
| And just how you do his voice, his impersonation, makes the story so much better. | ||
| Yoshi, we're going to bring you out of this funk, but prepare for a fucking avalanche of hate mail from people who don't like dudes stomping women to death, especially when they're in their 50s. | ||
| Honestly, if anyone out there wants to sit here and judge Yoshi, think about If there was a person out there that did your family wrong and what you would do to them. | ||
| Especially kill your dad. | ||
| Yeah, I mean... | ||
| You don't know if she did, but at the very least she tried. | ||
| At the very least she tried to poison her. | ||
| But then here's the flip side to that. | ||
| Are you mad at your dad for allowing a woman like that? | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| I was really angry with him. | ||
| What you're doing by partnering up with sluts is an excellent move. | ||
| Because much like getting inoculation shots, it protects you from other sluts being so mystical that they could take over your life. | ||
| When a girl will try to move in and offer you pussy to try to control your financial empire, you'd be like, bitch, I know where I can get some pussy. | ||
| Stop. | ||
| We're dealing with quantities and qualities. | ||
| We're dealing with a commodities market here now. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, it's unbelievable. | ||
| David, someday you're going to find the right girl. | ||
| Find a girl who loves you for you. | ||
| A girl, a sensitive girl. | ||
| You're not going to want to be with anybody else. | ||
| I know, she's going to be so beautiful and have a 12-inch penis. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh! | |
| Yoshi. | ||
| And with that one, oh! | ||
| Watch out for the black ice. | ||
| Black guys. | ||
| Ice, ice. | ||
| I-C-E. And coincidentally, you don't find many black guys where there's black ice. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I don't know why that is. | ||
| Follow Yoshi on Twitter. | ||
| It's Yoshi Obayashi. | ||
| O-B-A-Y-A-S-H-I on Twitter. | ||
| And David Cho. | ||
| David C-H-O-E. You can also go to DavidCho.com. | ||
| And... | ||
| And just try to buy one of his paintings. | ||
| First of all, you can't find them. | ||
| They're not for sale. | ||
| And even if it did, you don't want to spend that much money. | ||
| Listen, he's out of your league, bitch. | ||
| Deal with it! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Deal with it. | |
| Thanks to Onnit.com for sponsoring our podcast. | ||
| Go to O-N-N-I-T and use the code name ROGAN and you will save yourself 10% off any and all supplements. | ||
| Also, thanks to Hover. | ||
| Go to Hover.com forward slash ROGAN. | ||
| Please use them for all your domain names. | ||
| Robot cuckold. | ||
| Robot cuckold up your butthole. | ||
| Suckmycockfatty.com. | ||
| All one word. | ||
| You can do this, people. | ||
| Yoshi stomps vaginas. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know that's going to be used. | ||
|
unidentified
|
God damn it. | |
| Why'd you do this, David? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Why? | |
| Joe. | ||
| Go to Hover.com forward slash Rogan for 10% off. | ||
| Yoshi? | ||
| Sorry. | ||
| This is very selfish. | ||
| I have a podcast, too. | ||
| Yoshident.com. | ||
| That's not selfish at all. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yoshident. | |
| No, Yoshi didn't? | ||
| That is really your question. | ||
| Everything's a goddamn play on words, Yoshi Mail. | ||
| Dude, say it right. | ||
| This Wednesday night. | ||
| Say it right. | ||
| Yoshi didn't. | ||
| Yoshi didn't. | ||
| And Yoshi will be at the Ice House in Pasadena this Wednesday night at 10pm along with... | ||
| Ian Edwards, along with Brian Redband, along with Adam Hunter, and one of the motherfuckers that I can't remember, and maybe many more, whoever's in town. | ||
| The idea of the Ice House, I'll call Fitzsimmons too, see if he's around. | ||
| The idea of the Ice House is we just try to put on shows there where we fuck around, have a good time, we use it as sort of a workout room. | ||
| The last time I did it, I came up with like 20 minutes of new material. | ||
| You guys, these shows are fucking amazing. | ||
| They're so fun to do, and it's one of the Best comedy environments on the planet Earth. | ||
| It's a club that's been around since 1960, and it's just like, I can't say enough good things about the staff or the owner. | ||
| Bob, he's the coolest motherfucker ever. | ||
| And to me, it's really important to support places like this because they're very fragile. | ||
| There's not a lot of money in owning a comedy club and I want to help these people that think about bailing out. | ||
| Alright, go to deathsquad.tv and you can pick up one of these fucking badass t-shirts designed by our very own Brian Redman. | ||
| And there's two different versions of it. | ||
| There's this one that is my favorite cat, and then there's that one, which I also like the design. | ||
| Which you can't buy anymore. | ||
| I like the design, but you can't buy that one anymore, so you could probably get that shit on eBay. | ||
| You should just make more of those. | ||
| Make more of those. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's what the whole point is. | |
| No, the point sucks. | ||
| The point sucks a big, delicious, syphilis-ridden cocktail. | ||
| Good night, folks. | ||
| We will see you tomorrow. | ||
| Most likely with Aubrey Marcus. | ||
| I'm going to try to move some shit around because Aubrey's in town. | ||
| And Rick Ross lives here. | ||
| So we'll call him. | ||
| We'll make everything happen. | ||
| We are going to get our freak on one way or another, bitches. | ||
| David Cho. | ||
| Yoshi. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Thanks, Joe. | |
| Thanks, Joe. | ||
| Thank you, guys. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. |
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